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Something that I do at church , and do really well , is read the scripture . I absolutely love getting up in front of the congregation to read the lesson . I try to work through it ahead of time so that I know the context and can add the proper inflections to help people connect with the story . ( Nothing worse than just a dry reading , but that 's what you see in most churches . ) Yesterday I was doing a reading from Isaiah . I thought I had nailed it . So I was surprised when I went back to my seat and Ellen leaned over and said " Better wear your glasses next time . You messed up some stuff . " I was outraged . The verse was , " ' Why do we fast , but you do not see ? Why humble ourselves , but you do not notice ? " , and I said " Why do we fast , but you do not see ? We humble ourselves , but you do not notice ? ' " And the other verse was , " Is such the fast that I choose , a day to humble oneself ? " , and I said " Is such the fast that I chose , a day to humble oneself ? " But what really ticked me off was that I was offended - the hell I messed up ! I let my ego get the better of me and had to prove , ostensibly to myself but probably to my wife , that I was right . Of course , I was wrong . The unease set in after I was alone in the house . I had for years wanted to get a tattoo , and I had waited and waited until just the right design spoke to me , and just the right artist was available , and it was just the right time . Thursday was that day . But what caught me off guard was the butterflies in my stomach as I went through my morning before the 1 : 00 appointment . The nerves weren 't a case of fear of the needle , or fear of the pain , but rather a fear of the permanence of the artwork . There are No Do - overs . ( Okay , Buddhists , I know the drill . Nothing is permanent . My tattoo isn 't permanent . The arm that it is inked on isn 't permanent . This body isn 't permanent . I know . Just go with me here . ) When I arrived at the studio , I finalized the design details with Jersey , then Seth set about making it into a stencil . Once the stencil was applied to my arm I got to see really how cool it looked , and was pretty excited to get started . I sat in the 1960 vintage barber chair , reclined , and Jersey set the needles a - buzzin ' . The first pass with the needle wasn 't so bad . The next few kind of stung , but after a few minutes the skin started to get numb and it was fine . I could really feel it when he had to make a wider line , and the needle stayed in that area a little longer . That one felt like he was scooping out a chunk of skin . The first break came after finishing the black outline . I got a chance to see it in the mirror , and it was still looking fantastic . The next step was adding the color , and after a total time in the shop of two and a half hours , I was looking in the mirror at the finished artwork . Exactly as I pictured it months earlier ! After I got home I was hit with the second surprise of the day . Regret . I was overcome with regret and second guessing . When the realization hit that this was permanent , I couldn 't go back , and no matter how much I regretted it , there was nothing I could do about it , I was almost nauseous . In the days since then , I have come to adore the tattoo . It is exactly what I wanted , has a lot of meaning , and is nice quality . I 'm thinking that the first tattoo is the difficult one - I 've already started thinking about what I want to get next . Everyone who has seen it has been overwhelmingly positive . Even the people that I never would have guessed would be supportive of it are . I chose a " happy buddha " ( hotei ) because it is a reminder to have a positive outlook on life - not to take it too seriously . He is juggling to represent keeping everything in your life in balance . One ball is on the ground because you can 't keep it all in the air - you have to know that it 's okay to set some things down . Juggling , besides being an activity that I enjoy , also requires you to be present in the moment in order to keep all the balls in the air . The lotus is the blue lotus which is a symbol of wisdom . The hotei sits inside the lotus as he continues to gain knowledge . The inside of the lotus petals are pink , symbolic of the " great buddha " . As the lotus continues to open , we move closer to the realizing the buddhahood that is in us all . The Design : The design has changed a little from the one drawn by The _ Kamikazen . Most notably , the platform was replaced by the lotus . It was something that Jersey changed it on his own . It 's funny because that was the way I had originally visualized the design . Once I saw the hotei sitting in the lotus , the raised knee didn 't look quite right , so I had him change it to a lotus position . Jersey also replaced the large circle with a gradient glow . Everything else is still the same . In a little over a year you will get into a fight during school . While it would be better to walk away , it will show you the true nature of one of your closest friends . ( And the suspension will be totally worth it ! ) Trust your instincts - you didn 't need the fight to see this . It doesn 't matter what people think of you . They aren 't all talking about you . You are your own worst enemy in that respect . Let it go . Speaking of different musical tastes - you know those girls with the dark makeup and multiple piercings whose lockers are down the hall from you ? Yeah , the ones you were friends with in elementary school ? The ones with the Dead Kennedys stickers . Go talk to them . Be aware that in the future you will not be happy unless you are creating something . Feed that creative monster , and never settle . Take art classes ( then you 'll have a reason to talk to those girls ) . Take photography classes . Push your bounds . Lisa led me down the hall and pushed open the huge , thick door . It swung open like it was protecting the mad scientist 's lab ( or NORAD ) . Stepping inside , I discovered that it wasn 't too far off . The room had but one window , and that looked in on The Machine . Echoing off the walls was a mechanical ticking , grinding , pinging . Lisa told me to empty my pockets , take out my earrings , and secure them in the locker . Then she led me through the door into the room with The Machine . This was my first experience with Magnetic Resonance Imaging . Lisa had my lie down on the table , and she put a pillow under my knees . She secured my head between the headrest , which would prevent it from moving . To add insult to ( literal ) injury , she added a mask - like device just above my face , that was supposed to help her ( or The Machine ? ) isolate the cervical spine . We talked a little about the diameter of the tube that she was preparing to stick me into - it was a little smaller than I had anticipated . I told her I thought I would be okay , and let 's give it a try . After I inserted the earplugs , she pressed some buttons and the table raised up , then I slowly was inserted headfirst ( and backwards ) into the giant machine . As I slid backwards , there was a tugging at the top of my pants . I quickly realized that the magnet was trying to grab my belt buckle . The Machine was eager to get me inside it 's grip . There were no lights on inside the machine , and although it wasn 't dark per se , it was rather ominous . I lay there for a few seconds before deciding that I might not make it the 15 minutes that Lisa told me I would be in for . I asked to be removed . Knowing now what to expect , I took a few deep breaths , and tried to focus on how my body was reacting to the situation it was in . Lisa gave me a " panic switch " to press if I needed , I gave her the nod , and I went back into The Machine . This time focusing on my breathing , and with my eyes closed . The thoughts started almost as soon as the table bucked to a stop . The first one , and the one that kept trying to come back over and over was " What if I freak out ? My first reaction will be to try to sit up . I will hit my head on the tube , and will not be able to get out . I will lie back down , even more freaked out and the cycle will repeat . " I acknowledged the thought , let it pass , and focused again on my breathing . As The Machine went through it 's cycles I tried to be mindful of what I was sensing , rather than the thoughts that were coming quickly . In the second to last test , The Machine was making a series of pulse - like mechanical noises , and I started to really listen to them . It was interesting to hear how the sound would start , stretch , and end . With a little bit of concentration , I was able to slow down each " note " , and really listen . The final sequence was accompanied by a five - minute long steady electro - mechanical hum . While I wouldn 't call it exactly soporific , it did have a certain peaceful quality and I found myself relaxing a little more . I discovered that I had been tensing my arms , and as they started to relax , they wanted to slide down toward the table . I had to re - tense them as I had been told to lay as still as possible when The Machine was operating . But I did let my mind drift a little , and was beginning to feel the familiar descent into sleep when suddenly The Machine stopped and Lisa said " We 're all done . " My father died 15 years ago , just months after Ellen and I got married . I had a very difficult time with it right off the bat , but had to remain strong for the family ( I think it 's an oldest thing , right ? ) . So , I didn 't say a whole lot as the months passed and my mother , brother , and sister started going through his belongings . It 's hard to stay in that loop when you live 10 hours away . As they went through things , I know that my sister spirited things out of the house . She and my dad were very close , and I don 't begrudge her taking things that were important in their relationship . My brother , I was told , didn 't want anything and didn 't take ( hardly ) anything at all . However , if you look around his house , you will find my dad 's things all over the place . But the upshot of this is that I really don 't have anything that belonged to my dad . I 'm kind of all right with that . Sad , but all right . The only thing of his that I really wanted was his jewelry box . It 's just a neat little round top box made of leather with some designs on the outside . But I have very strong memories of that jewelry box associated with him . The last time I was at home ( this past summer ) , I snuck into the room where his stuff is still stored , and picked up the box , opened it , and looked at the treasures it still holds . Nothing fancy - some tie tacks , necklaces , scraps of paper , and his wedding ring . I said my goodbyes , knowing that if I hadn 't been given the jewelry box in fifteen years , it wasn 't likely I was ever going to get it . It was time to stop holding on to it . It was the last thing that I wanted to have of his , I wasn 't going to get it , and it was time that I made peace with that . My sister is getting married in three weeks . She and her fiance decided to have their rings custom made . I think this is a wonderful idea , as they are very artsy people , and I 'm sure that the rings will be not only beautiful , but extra special to them . My mother told me tonight that she is giving my sister my father 's wedding ring . Not to hold on to . Not to cherish as a piece of my father 's memory . But as something to melt down to add to their rings because the cost of gold is so high right now . She went on to say that she didn 't give it to me or my brother because it would never fit us , it 's too small , and besides , " I never offered it to you . " I was floored . I didn 't know what to say . It was very unexpected . Fortunately she dropped this on me while we were on the way in to the restaurant where we were picking up dinner for the family . I redirected us to the menu and focused on the task at hand while I tried to process this news . Now I have my heart and my head competing with one another . My heart says that here is this thing that belonged to my dad , and was a part of him , and she wants to have it melted down . It seems like it is the last bit of my dad , being melted away . After this , he will be gone . But that 's stupid . My head says it 's just a thing . It is a hunk of metal . It isn 't my dad , that 's ridiculous . It has no meaning other than that which I assign to it . And even if I were to assign this tremendous emotional value to it , what better way to have this " value " live on than for it to become part of my sister 's wedding ring . I see it . It 's suffering caused by attachment . I get it . I really do . I know my head will win this battle , I just need to sit with it for a while .
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With Scarlet and Cassidy in the flying ship in front of me , my Aunt Marilyn to my side , and Des on my lap , we soared and dipped . " You can fly , you can fly , you can fly ! " It was in my head for days . Weeks . Before our Disney trip , during and after . It came on my Pandora at random , since usually my Pandora Disney station only plays princess songs because I generally " thumbs up " them and skip over the rest , at Scarlet 's request . This song came up on the way to the airport , when I needed it most . You CAN fly . He is still exempt , such as when he was nursing , because I may always think of him as my plus - one . My add - on . One of the best decisions of my life , and a pretty great companion to hang out with . If you like people throwing balls and shoes at your head . So on my last day when options were limited , I chose to go back to the crazy Disney Village we had visited on our first day . In the rain . My choices were an arcade / bar & a building full of bounce houses , my cousin 's house , or Disney Village with Des . I chose that last option . I thought it was the only place I could go without tears welling up in my eyes and threatening to spill at any given moment . And if they had to spill , so be it . What could be better than spilled tears in the pouring rain in Disney Village ? At least I 'd get a free Ghirardelli chocolate sample for my pain , as well as shelter from the rain in these over - cheerful stores . I wanted to be at a place swarming with people , because I felt alone . Or lonely . I couldn 't tell the difference . I was everywhere all at once . At different times , at the same place . I was four - years - old and armed with false cheer , disorientation and a slight fear of adults in furry costumes . My father had just passed and how I was to know he wasn 't coming home ? And he certainly wasn 't at Disney World . I wonder if I searched for his face in the sweaty crowd of strangers , anyway . How could I have known ? What did I know ? The second time I was at Disney , and the last time I went to Epcot ( I think ? ) , I had a meltdown in front of that giant golf ball thingy . I was with my maternal grandfather . He passed away not long after Des was born in July of 2012 . The third and last time I went to Disney ( at 19 ) , was the last time I saw both of my paternal grandparents together , before my grandma passed away . I waited all week for some sort of explosion or anxiety attack . I knew I was in for it somehow , to some degree . On the last day , in the rainy Disney Village with my son , did I allow myself the luxury of tears coming to my eyes after " When You Wish Upon a Star " blared out over the speakers . It was then that I experienced a bit of a letdown that Scarlet 's big adventure was winding down . It was then that I allowed myself to think of myself and how lost I felt that day . How I longed to be lifted up . I sat with Des and we split a snack . I got him out of the rain , although he was wearing an adorable ducky raincoat . I felt like I owed it to all of the generations sandwiching my own . To un - lose myself that day . To un - lonely myself . To rejoin my family . Something about being on vacation often brings out the Hot Mess inside . It 's when I 'm out of my element and routine . No matter how much progress I have made in my life , when I 'm not in my space and comfort , I can feel left behind . Lost . Disoriented . And yet it also brings out the inner strength and core that will do anything to make this a fun time for my kids . The nagging feelings I kept having , I keep having , that I 'm ugly and incapable , and constantly running to catch up to Cassidy and Scarlet , only to have them run off some more . Always , those two . Well this is mixed with laughter and joy , new / old memories , smiles with Des . It 's a mixed bag . I 'm only lost , sometimes , and I 'm only lost , sometimes , within my very own head . I can rejoin at any time . I can be found . I can find myself . Over and over again . I can withdraw , and I may always be someone who does so in order to breathe the life back in . Tamara is a professional photographer at http : / / tamaracamera . com / , a mama of two , a writer / blogger at http : / / tamaracamerablog . com and a nearly professional cookie taster . She has been known to be all four of those things at all hours of the day and night . She is a very proud contributor to the book , The Mother Of All Meltdowns . http : / / themotherofallmeltdowns . com . After two cross country moves , due to her intense Bi - Coastal Disorder , she lives with her husband , daughter and son in glorious western Massachusetts . View all posts by Tamara Post navigation * Hugs . That was beautiful Tamara . Bittersweet . It is good to get lost in our own heads sometimes and remember the things that were . It keep us grounded . I hope all is good today and all the days after ! Thank you ! My mom used to say to me , " All of what you 're going through exists only in your head ( about various heartbreaks , etc . and it can be remedied there too . ) What a unique perspective . It kinda makes it more bearable for me to have these lost days . . knowing found days will follow . Well , thank you ! ! I 'm trying . It 's hard with all of this cabin fever and cold snow , but I 'm holding strong here ! Lovely ! It is so bittersweet when fun things are tied to sad memories . I also know what you mean about being out of routine bringing out the Hot Mess - I my predictable routines . I 'm glad you found your way back to un - lonely ! The comforts and stability of home life . Ah , well I like it . I do crave a little excitement and adventure too . Best of both , I guess it was in the long run . Tamara , I know that feeling well and it is almost like the day after Christmas , when you realize that all the lead up and excitement is over and now you have to somehow join back into reality . Hey , remember this is me who cried after her wedding day , one of the happiest days of my life , because I felt like I wasn 't sure what to do next after all the planning and such was indeed over and behind me . So , I get it completely and couldn 't love you more if I tried . Hugs to you my friend ! ! ! 🙂 xoxo ! ! Oh I 'm sure I cried the day after my wedding , or something ! The letdown for that is so awful . So many years of childhood dreaming and then adulthood planning . Ah , so much . I had so many mixed emotions when we went to Disney . I was returning with only one of my parents after ALL the years of the happiest memories we had there as a complete family . Disney ( or any vacation ! ) has a way of doing that , as you so eloquently wrote . I 'm glad you went and had your alone time with your plus - one . It seemed to make all the difference 🙂 I think even without have such a history steeped in Disney memories , it 's all so emotional . Your kids fulfilling some dreams . All of the crowds and money and energy spent … I am completed fascinated by your ability to capture your thoughts / emotions so eloquently , process them , and have them make sense . I think Des looks the most like you . Beautiful , as always , Tamara ! Can 't wait to see the kids on all the rides . Rides photos are coming ! Des could really only go on two rides and they were dark . Drat . He still makes some nice theme park appearances , though ! Can I give you a big hug ? ( Except you probably don 't want one , huh ? ) As much as I look forward to vacations , the reality and logistics of them , the interruption of routine , the hassles and misunderstandings , can make me frustrated and angry with the same people I 'm supposed to be having " the time of my life " with . Thank goodness for sweet little boys that are so focused on enjoying the present that it 's infectious . ha ! Who says I don 't want a big hug ? ? I totally do . Especially because I feel like I 'm stuck in a snow globe . It 's funny who these big days , big events , big vacations are not exempt from bad moods and meltdowns . If anything , the pressure for everything to be perfect is too great for me . Although we totally had a warm and sunny day in Disney World . I would have cried ( or gone again ) if it had been cold rain . Oh , I know what you mean ! I think the last time I really lost it when I was away from home , though , was on choir tour when I was in college . Touring the country for two weeks with a bunch of people who weren 't really close friends was very difficult ! It 's a long story , but I cried a lot after our last concert . ( Maybe I should blog about it ? ) Even now , I 'm always relieved to come home after time away . Maybe you should blog about it ! I 'd be interested to read . Going away is so great , and coming home might be even better . Which says a lot about the homes we live in . Thank you - I love inter - weaving photos . And these warm and sunny ones just needed to be blogged about alongside a few mournful words . And while I 'm currently trapped in a snow globe . Boo ! I feel bad that this happens to you but yet somewhat happy that I 'm not the only one . I get terribly anxious no matter what type of vacation we go on and it comes out in grumpiness . It sucks because I do want to love to travel . I think it 's sweet that you had that alone time with your son that day . Your pictures of the kids are beautiful . They looks so happy dancing and running around in the sun ! Heh , I get happy not to be the only one too . Just so much feeling - ness , ya know ! And I didn 't freak out or get sad while at Disney . Just the rainy , cold Disney village . Just a date with my Des ! They were so happy running in the warm sun . I wonder what Des must think of today 's snowstorm . He keeps looking out the window with a " WTF " look on his face . Really beautiful , Tamara and I can relate in some ways . I often experience sensory overload and need to retreat inside my own head and space for a little while . Looking forward to more pictures of your beautiful family . So interesting to hear ! I know there are real sensory processing disorders , and I do think many people get touches of it sometimes . My friend , Karen , who I think you know once described what it 's like to be her son ( who has SPD ) and she explained it in a way that we could all relate to , at least somewhat . Such an emotional trip for you , Tamara . I 'm glad you are able to withdraw and find yourself again . It 's no easy task . I know . So hard , so I guess I was grateful for the space to do just that ! I needed to recharge for my early morning flight with two kids the next morning ! Ugh ! Actually , it wasn 't so bad but the prospect of it was . Vacations can be stressful too . With all the go go go and excitement sometimes it can be disorienting . I am glad you had your brief time away with Des and that it helped . I find that quiet time on my own helps me when I need space from the world , too . I really needed it to recharge for the flight home and just the last night of dinner with family . It 's very bittersweet that we all love each other and live far away from each other . Boo ! Well , that 's life . Love the pics of your kids - can 't get enough of them . Oh , and Des is so friggin ' kewt ! As was his ducky rain jacket . Ahem , when do I get mine ? It is , isn 't it ? And yes , it was six days of pure fun and just a few hours of being sad . A win , in my book ! Stepping away - so you can rejoin ; stepping back - to move forward ; being alone - to remind yourself you are not alone . yep , been there . And sometimes I didn 't even leave home . It 's all part of that push and pull of motherhood . being there , being all , for everyone ; the You gets lost in the tangled knots . That 's it - getting lost in tangled knots . So much . And I was like that before parenthood , but now , whoa - it 's a whole new ballgame . Beautiful words , Tamara . Reading about your vacation - the plans , the experiences , the emotions - have really made me think about our own trip , and how it may be the last one to Disney with my children . I 'm not usually very introspective , but your writing seems to bring it out in me . Ah ! Well you know I wish you a fantastic trip , and not too much thinking about how it might be the last . I went with my parents when I was already an adult . Was fantastic ! ! I get you . They say " it 's just in your head , " which , to me , is like saying " the pollution 's only in the air . " Well , in my head is kind of important . And only I can work through it . We always do though , don 't we ? work through it . We get a boost from duckie coats or hearing a mischievous laugh , but we make it back . Sometimes the downfall of feeling so deeply is feeling so deeply . We do always work through it . I tell myself there 's no choice . I 'm a parent and I have to get two little ones safely home on a plane . And to school . And to curling up with books on my lap . I 'm glad you had a place to spill your tears on your last day . And I 'm not even going to say that I 'm sorry that you had tears . Because we all have tears and I think that those of us who are in touch with those tears are fortunate . I think it 's always better to spill those tears than try to hold them back . Always . And we 're all a little lost . All of us . I have faith that you will always find your way back . I have those days ! And most of mine are tied to places that stir up a cacophony of memories . Sometimes those thoughts and feelings and emotions just fill you up so much they leak out … through your eyes ! Nothing wrong with that ! Awe , sending big hugs your way . I bet it was bittersweet to be there with all of those memories from before crashing in . I am glad you were able to add to those memories with your children and experiencing through a mother 's eyes what a magical place it is for kids . Vacations are nice , but they can also be tough . I am on my last day of vacation here in Montana , but I feel like I haven 't even taken a rest … . which was the entire point . Ugh . But alas , I will survive and tomorrow will be a new day , and like I have always said before … . . don 't look too long into your past or you very well may miss your future . Looks like not much resting in Montana ! ! Hopefully lots of huckleberry bar eating . And did you get a huckleberry milkshake ? I remember getting one from the side of the road , but it was September ! There may not be random milkshake stands in the height of winter ! How you manage to put into words the very things I feel , I 'll never know . I get lost in the storm inside of me , too . Never really sure what will bring me back . Vacations tend to do the same for me . There is a sort of grief to them as they wind down . It happens every time . Maybe it is the realization that this joyous time , this wonderful magical time will no longer be tangible but only a memory . One that you want to never forget . So many times I find myself escaping somewhere with Gia ( my other appendage ) and watching Leo with the other three going about life without me . I 'm sometimes stuck in wanting time to stop that I can 't move and they all move without me . I so get this . XO Vacations are so weird . When I was a kid we 'd go on two week ones ! So for the first week , I 'd be in giddy mode an I 'd be doing everything for the first time and running around and all around loving it . The second week would be the " heady week " as I called it , and it would just seem to get too long . I 'd ache for familiar comforts , while also delighting in beachy things . It always confused me that my dad could just lay on the beach happily for two weeks straight ! Now as an adult who works a lot , I get it more . I sometimes have feelings like this in church - the tears well up and I start thinking about things I don 't usually let bubble up to the surface . We had a magical Disney trip when my girls were little , and as sad as I am that I can 't do it over , the memories that WE HAD THAT TIME bring me much joy . And for the record , let 's get one thing straight here - you are just about as far away from ugly as anyone I 've ever seen . So none of that . Why , thank you ! It was hard being around all of those princesses day after day ! They were so youthful and fresh ! And I suppose I am too , on a good day . This last day was not a good day . It can be so emotional when sad things are tied to happy . I 'm glad you made good memories there . Your pictures are magical … the kids will remember things through your photography so much clearer ! Thank you ! These were my early vacation photos - the ones from the days before the theme park marathon started . I just missed summer photos so much ! Green grass color casts and all . It was such a nice change . Right now I 'm gearing up the camera to go build a snowman . Sending hugs your way ! Your Disney trip had to have been difficult for you , because of all the memories you have . But you were also making new memories for your kids . I can 't wait to see the photos from the park . Enjoy your Wednesday ! That is so true ! New memories ! And the un - grieving starts to memories for Scarlet . And maybe Des ? He 's only one . . so I don 't know about that one . Integrating and accepting the death of loved ones in the human experience takes a long time . Yes , linear time does help but sometimes we rally against the universe at how unfair some deaths seem to us . I fell in love at first sight , married your father , had Lindsay , wanted another girl , and had you . Then , I lost him . It didn 't happen the way I " planned " your childhood . What we are is a result of what we have been through , who we have loved and how we have grown . Your amazing writing and photographs are expressions of who you are , what pain you are processing , and how you see life itself . If what the yogis and physicists say is correct and in a higher dimension that we can perceive , all time is happening at once , then I visualize all of us in one big infinite hug . Love is forever . Love you and love this post . You always say things that somehow I have felt , but I didn 't even know I was feeling it , or I hadn 't figured out how to articulate it , or that I even NEEDED to articulate it . I think I told you something similar on one of the first posts of yours that I read . It still rings true , all these posts later . I 'm glad you were able to rejoin them and make some new memories , even if it was hard , even if it couldn 't be fully , and even if you needed that time to cry . I am not sure how I would feel about going to Disney because it is so associated with my grandparents , like I mentioned . I want to give my kids those memories , but the thought of doing it without those two very special people is overwhelming . Ahhh I am starting to cry and I am at work so I need to cut this . Just reiterating the love , in conclusion ! Totally associated with both sets of my grandparents to me . My grandmother is still alive at 100 , and so alert . I 'd love to visit her soon and tell her about this trip . I sometimes get that feeling , not caused by a place , but a certain memory moves me and tears just well up inside me . I usually go for a walk by myself to clear my head and let those tears run . Does wonders for the soul . That 's beautiful . And it happens to me in other ways and places . This was just such a big thing , that I had to finally get away to process it . I get it . And I almost cried at Disney World too because I missed my husband . He couldn 't come because he was deployed and I suddenly was like , " I want my husband ! " No doubt ! And you were with his mom . I imagined you all missed him very much . So glad whenever I read your posts about him being there and enjoying time with you all . I always connect with what you write , as obviously many people do . You put words to things that I don 't always know how to say . I have felt this way . And often . You seem to have such a healthy way of recognizing and validating your feelings , then moving past them . I tend to run from them and notice them when someone else point them out ( kinda like right now ! ) Why , thank you ! I 'm always a bit bewildered that people relate to me . It helps to know that all of those years of keeping things in for fear you 'd all think I was weird were for naught ! Okay , this is going to sound a bit weird , but there is something about going to the Magic Kingdom that makes me cry . Might have something to do with me always visiting with my dad when I was visiting my dad which would only be twice a year or so most years , and our visits were always bittersweet . Now I see him the same amount because I 'm a grownup who can 't afford it , yeesh . A lovely post again , sandwiched in between those pictures of your loves . To feel alone in a crowded room is always the worst and always means it 's layer upon layer . Yay that you tuned in and turned it around … until next time . Such a lovely post ! This is something that I go through after my trips , especially after my trip to India . The last day of the trip can be so stressful ( emotionally ) . I am glad you could find yourself again . I cannot imagine what it must be like going to India . Florida is only two hours by flight . I 'd love to see some photos one day , or look through your archives if you already have them ! I truly wish we lived closer - not stalkerish close cause I don 't want you to freak out ! ! ! ! I just think that it would be good to be close enough to see each other in person ! I 've never been to Disney so obviously have no memories tied to it but that whole feeling that you can 't decide if it is feeling alone or loneliness I know well . Many times it doesn 't bother me - just there - but somedays it is something that has to be addressed . Kim , I 'm pretty sure you couldn 't freak me out if you tried ! I always wish we lived closer . We 'd have a lot of fun and probably work together too ! Photographer at the Governor 's Mansion , anyone ? I get you - many times the feelings don 't bother me . They barely register or I brush them off . And other times , I have to get my mood on . So true . Sometimes when I 'm at my hot - messiest , I wonder if I 'm the hot - messiest person ever because I don 't often see people crying in public . . Not people my age , anyway . Maybe they run to their cars or to bathrooms ! Smart . . Disney feels to me like a place where it is easy to feel lost . So much magic but perhaps not all the way you imagined it would be . And then the letdown . I 'm glad you and your boy found you again . That 's sorta of how I always saw NYC . Different too , of course , just a place that it 's easy to get lost in . And a place that can prey on you if you let it , but can also feed on the magic . Luckily on our day in the park , it was the latter . I 've been there ! That 's the other side of being away from home that no one tell you about … even when you 're at the happiest place on earth . I can only imagine it being emotional being at Disney with all the memories you have from being there as a child . I 'm most certain that being there as a parent , for the first time especially , must have been quite whelming . Everything changes when you have kids , even some of the simplest things . So much ! And just that you have to plan your day around someone ( or two someone ) else 's needs changes everything right there . If it were up to me , I 'd have ridden the Haunted Mansion seven times ! Instead … I met a lot of princesses . Your photos are absolutely stunning . felt like I was on the peter pan ride just looking at your gorgeous shots . So much fun and totally worth the 45 minute wait . Des is growing up huh ? Look at that face . I hate ( love ) how your photos always fluster me out of talking about talking about the meat of the post your feelings . To that I will say , I get it . and I would have chosen the disney village , too . And the sign said 30 minutes ! Yeah right . Peter Pan ride should be the first thing you do when the park opens , I say ! Anyway . Tangent . I like that my photos do that to you . And that you still get to the meat . I 'd only be upset if neither did it for you - yikes ! Are the WordPress gremlins out to get me ? I tried to comment this morning , and it wouldn 't work . Boo ! So , sorry I 'm late to the game today . My favorite part of this post : You felt like a hot mess , but you pulled it together for your family . They ground you , and you help them fly . Beautiful , my friend ! As always ! Oh no ! I checked my spam filter . I hate when the greats can 't comment . I usually blame my own blog gremlins . I fed them after midnight . Thank you for noticing that I did pull it together ! Somehow ! I had no choice , but still . I could have screamed in a corner , I suppose . You are found , and you are here , once again with the words that I 've come to count on you to bring to my heart with photos that rival no others . I love - so much - how you are able to capture with a " mere " post how life feels . How I feel . < 3 Those close - up pics of Des are to die for . And also , I always hate when a vacation has to come to an end . And it is definitely different as an adult than as a child . Just think of the amazing memories you have made for Scarlet ( and Des ) if even just in seeing your amazing photos . Thank you ! That does help to think about . And Des . . poor Des . . he needs his own vacations ! I know this got through to his heart , as well as every summer we spend in Cape Cod , but I don 't know that he 'll be able to talk about them from memory . He 's just too young ! Sigh . So - this is the post , huh ? I did tear up for you . You know , your writing always gets me , but , this post is just SO real & all you & this is only one of the many reasons I simply adore you , Sweet T ! ! XO . ~ A ~ I don 't know if it 's THE post . . We 'll see what Monday 's is like ! And tomorrow 's Ask Away Friday ! Thank you for your always support . Tamara , I 'm sorry you had those lonely feelings on your trip . And I 'm glad that Des was there to keep you company through them . Sometimes our babies can be the very best kind of company in times like that - they help us so much without EVEN knowing it . " I can find myself . Over and over again . I can withdraw , and I may always be someone who does so in order to breathe the life back in . " Well , I do this daily . Sometimes multiple times a day . Like you said , what matters is that you keep coming back … Exactly . And I 'm happy it was only the last day . I really held myself ( and my happiness ) together through most of the trip . It was like once I stopped to rest , it all came up . It was an emotional whirlwind . I miss it . I 'm also happy to be back . I always want to visit again . I 'm sure I 've felt lost so many times too but like you , I always find my way back . After all , we need to . It 's nice to allow ourselves to get lost sometimes , it 's probably one way for us to distinguish the past versus the present and I think to find and know ourselves better . You have beautiful photos as always ! I agree that it 's nice to allow ourselves to get lost . I shudder to think about the alternative of pushing it down or ignoring it . It 's nice to breathe and cry every now and then ! Your kids are going to be so grateful to have these beautiful photos to cherish when they get older . I know I 've told you a thousand times , but your photos are BEAUTIFUL , as are your kids . I 've been feeling lonely lately , even in my usual routine , around my usual people . I get lost in my own mind all the time , the what ifs , the unknown , all the questions . It 's hard to snap out of it , but cute kids definitely help ! Feeling lost and alone is a miserable thing indeed , especially when we are surrounded by family and friends who love us . I think we can often feel the most alone in the biggest , busiest , happiest places . I 'm glad you found your way back , and hope you find more peace as you move forward . Oh , I so get this . When I am out of my routine and comfort zone I always get … iffy . I was * just * telling my husband today that every time we plan a trip I 'm excited . . and then it becomes a day or two before the trip and I always want to call it off . It just start to feel overwhelmed . Once we get going I 'm usually fine , but the day before I seem to be filled with dread . I think I am just someone who functions best with a routine . I can totally see you and what would have been you and your dad had you not lost him when you did . I can see how this trip would be bittersweet at times considering that you were Scarlet 's age right before you went for the first time and how close Scarlet and Cassidy are . That makes so much sense to me now . I can remember a post you wrote about feeling invisible sometimes … . I hope you feel I do , but I think I get it now . It all actually brings a tear to my eye . Such beautiful thoughts and photos . I feel invisible a lot around Cassidy and Scarlet . They have a tight bond . I have one with her too , but he 's more fun for her because he 's not around as much . He 's more fun and energetic and larger than life , and I 'm often the one doting on Des . And Des naps . It 's tough , but it doesn 't always bother me . I can only imagine the feeling that you felt having lost my own dad not too long ago . I 'm glad you were still able to experience it with your own kids . The memories will live on within your heart and you 'll be ok . You 're strong beautiful young woman who can do anything she puts her mind and heart to . Once again I love the photos , you always capture their emotions but would be nice to see some of you at Disney as well . I know whenever I leavea place that hold strong feelings for me I always end up crying . Did that when we left Canada after Christmas . 🙁 Here 's hoping you 're having a great week . I can 't believe people don 't cry there ! I imagine many do . It 's certainly an experience I 'm so glad we had . I wish we had longer or could do it over , or differently , but it was just right as is , I 've grown to learn . I think you are a very gentle soul that feels things on a deeper level than most , and that can be both a burden and a blessing . Are you going to enjoy a sentimental moment more intensely than the next person ? Yes , and what a joy that is . But are you also going to feel despair and loneliness on an amplified level ? Unfortunately , yes . It 's healthy to claim and take your space when you need it . No one can bring you to the edge but you , and when you get there , you deserve to look down at your leisure and then slowly back up once you 've regained perspective . A rainy day with your plus one as " When You Wish Upon a Star " rings in the background is a beautiful image and memory that you deserve to have , regardless of how it came to be . Sometimes it 's in our most lonely of times that our true self has the freedom to catch its breath in the midst of all the chaos that surrounds it . What a beautiful post . You know it 's good when the photos are the last thing I 'm talking about ! What a beautiful comment . I do feel things very deeply , but it 's hard for me to compare since I 've only ever been me ! I am grateful to be able to express it , and I 'm grateful for so many supportive friends , family members and readers . There are definitely places , songs , things that remind us of the hard times in life . I 'm sorry that Disney has been one of those for you . Hopefully you were able to make more positive memories this time . That said , it sounds like your kids had a blast , and I have a feeling this won 't be their last trip ! Thank you ! And it was mostly fantastic . The last day just caught me off - guard . We have to go again ! Poor Des won 't remember a single part of this trip . He slept through a lot of the fun parts . This is how I sometimes would get during the holidays . I think it 's all that anticipation and expectation , and the SUDDEN over - ness of it . I can see the same thing happening with vacations . I 'm better about it now , such as not stretching out the holidays too long and looking forward to new things once it 's done . I hope your vacay still rocked ! I really liked the Peter Pan ride too 🙂 Oh , so much ! You are so right . The holidays . Weddings - mine or family members . Big parties . Really anything big that you plan for , gives me a letdown . This was beautifully written Tamera ! Its bittersweet sometimes how places , moments , and events can bring about a variety of emotions in us . It looks like Des and Scarlet had an awesome time too ! I can 't wait for more Disney pics ! I have to say , I have been to your blog every day this week but I haven 't commented , I 'm not sure exactly how to say what I want to say . So I hope this comes out right - your ability to say things that are so personal and tortuous and hard and not pretty in such a lyrical and beautiful way is really an amazing gift . I find many times that I tear up when I 'm reading what you wrote and much of it is so different from my own experience but some of those really awful underlying feelings are present for both of us and while on one hand its good to know I 'm not crazy because others experience these feelings too and I 'm not alone ; on the other I hate that you have these awful thoughts and doubts about yourself because if you could see your presentation and the whole package of what you offer and give to the rest of us who come here and visit you , you would be able to vanquish those demons at once and be done with them for good . Those thoughts are stealing from you and you need to take it all back because you are pretty amazing . Sometimes I get a comment that I love so much , that I keep the email notification about it ! Even though I can just go read it here . It 's like I need double proof that it happened . And I put those emails in a folder to read when I really need to read something like that . So your ability to write heart - warming comments is right up there ! Thank you for coming back to say what you wanted to say . Obviously I knew nothing of you not knowing what to say so this is just a bonus . Oh Tamara . I feel this so much . Certain places and song and smells and images bring me back , especially now as Jasper edges near the age when I lost my father . It 's surreal and I get these flashes of memories from that time . They are very vague memories which I think is what makes me sad - the fades images in my mind . And the need to withdraw in order to breathe life back in ? Absolutely . PS those photos of Des are insanely cute . Tamara , I think only a secure person would allow themselves to express themselves so well . Tears okay . Feeling alone when your not is okay . Your emotions are what keep you so connected to your family . Even though you were feeling sad , I 'm happy for you that you love so deeply and stay connected that way . It 's very special . Not everyone lets herself experience all that . My dad died when I was four years old too . I have a few anxiety issues because of it . Like not really wanting to leave my kids and go on a date out of fear that I 'll die while I 'm gone . I know it sounds crazy , but our last two dates have been us leaving our kids at my mom 's house , which is three minutes away and going back home watching a movie and eating takeout . Also , I worried about my mom dying a lot when I was younger . Wow , I didn 't know that about you ! I was very anxious about my mom leaving my side when I was a kid . I 'm anxious about my kids going on sleepovers now . It doesn 't really happen much because they 're so young , but I know the time will come ! How did I not comment on this one ? Maybe I 'm missing it - but had to makes sure I said something if I didn 't . Oh Tamara … we are so much alike in this way . When I am not home - I tend to lose myself and things get twisted up inside of me because I simply can 't lay them out right when I 'm not in my own space … my own safe comfort zone both outside and inside . Add to that all the excitement and the emotional charge from it all - and there is bound to be a break down of sorts … A trickle of unraveling - if you will . And you are so right - finding yourself in your core and stringing it all together may take one moment … sometimes years to get there - but within that moment of perspective , it all comes back together and you are back . Full . Whole again . Well you got here , didn 't you ? I love the late comments . They always bring me back to the posts I wrote previously that I 've already forgotten in my mom brain . That last paragraph ? Really brings the life back into my lungs . It does come back together . Whole again . And it goes in and out , and I find that we grow wiser , fuller and faster than our demons do . Take that , demons ! This is a beautiful post and it honestly made me a little weepy . I know that feeling of loneliness when you are outside of your element . That bittersweet feeling of belonging while not belonging at all . I am tempted to say that you are lucky to be able to see these feelings so clearly and to articulate them so well , but lucky doesn 't seem like the right adjective ; I will say that I am envious of your ability though . Oh , thank you ! I think if I didn 't have this ability ( if I really do have it ) I 'd probably be medicated or something . Where would all the angst go ? I shudder to think . tamara , this made me misty - eyed . i 'm glad you were able to find yourself and go back to living in the moment with your family . vacations bring out so many emotions in me as well . it can run the whole spectrum . This is why I love you . The way that you put your pain and your introspect and weave them into a brilliantly written post . You don 't hold back and that 's what makes you special . I don 't like it though that you feel this push and pull but look at you , look at your strength . You may not feel it , but I can through your words . Kids are amazing saviours and vacations are too ( sometimes when you 're not trying to fend off black flies that are eating the bites that they already bit like 3 hours ago because they 're stupid … fact . ) I thank you for these words . I think if I held back , I 'd be in some serious anxiety hell . Not to say I never am anyway , but it does take the edge off . So beautiful . So honest . A co - worker that loves to travel told me once that when she takes a trip , each one in the group , adults and kids alike , is allowed one meltdown . I loved that advice and adopted it in my family . I seriously struggle with anxiety , probably due to my mom 's unexpected death , and just knowing that I will have a meltdown at some point in a trip helps me . Then I can say , " Alright , it 's here . Let 's do it . " And then I can breathe deeper when it 's over . Is that crazy ? Looking forward to catching up on your blog ! One meltdown . I can take it ! Honestly it usually amounts to that , except Cassidy never has one . I had the one at the end of the trip . Des had one on the plane so he was covered for the whole trip ! Look Ma , I wrote in a book ! ( Now available ) Make it two books ! Three books ! How I Met Your Father Story . Link to all 20 parts here ! ! Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this :
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* * spoiler alert * * When I was in the middle of this book I couldn 't understand why it had such mediocre ratings . I thought it was really nicely written . I liked Doctor Iannis 's writing his history of cephalonia that never remains unbiased from his own feelings . I loved Carlo and his heroism and tragedy . I loved Corelli and his morning opera . And I finally understood the only scene from the movie that I actually remember - Weber and the firing squad . But then from that point on I discovered the reason for the ratings . Almost from that scene on it was an awful book . Truly Horrible ending . We have to endure 50 years of pelagias life whilst she believes Corelli is dead , and never moves on . And then he comes back , after they 've both wasted half their lives apart , and admits that he came back and spied on her every year , had thought she was married , but never actually bothered to ask . It was so disappointing . Yes it was miserable , but it wasn 't even a miserable you could appreciate , like a good angst . It was just truly a waste . A terrible waste of such a good story , such a good buildup . Very disappointing . The book should have ended with the german occupation , and then maybe a short epilogue with a happily ever after where they don 't waste 50 years of their lives . I enjoyed the first 2 / 3rds very much . But I would not recommend it to anyone ever . Ever . Dan Brown gets everywhere . When I moved in with my partner , and our book collections merged , we ended up with 2 copies of The Da Vinci Code , and both of us hated it . Every charity shop bookshelf has at least one copy , I 've never seen one that doesn 't have one . Never a dusty copy tho , I imagine some poor soul buys it and on realising their mistake , for once in their life obeys the the happy little yellow sticker " Please bring me back for other people to enjoy ! " , and it goes right back the next day . Or perhaps all charity shops have a pile of Dan Browns in their stock room just waiting to go out when the old copy starts looking depressed . When I bought my copy , it had been out less than a year , and it was already on special offer , they couldn 't get rid of it fast enough , and I should have known better than to fall for it ! Every house in Britain must have a copy of The Da Vinci Code . When the Apacalypse has come and gone copies of The Da Vinci Code will still remain , scattered among the detritus . Cockroaches of the book kingdom , capable of nothing worthwhile but continuing their own existence . Despite the fact that I created my ' crap ' bookshelf , just for this book ( others got added later ) , I remember little of the actual details of the novel . Which is a very good thing , since I read it in 2004 and if I hadn 't managed to forget it by now , that would make me a very sick individual . The one part I remember clearly , was the highlight of my intense dislike of the whole novel . This is the scene where Langdon arrives at Sir Teabing 's house , and Sir Teabing will not let him enter without correctly answering a question of whether he wants milk or sugar in his tea . Apparently the correct answer was in fact ' lemon ' . This bit was so ridiculous it drove me crazy . Perhaps tea is a sensitive topic with me , but theres no way you can give a definitive answer without knowing what kind of tea it was . I imagine that the correct version of this scene would have been as follows : Teabing : Do I take milk or sugar in my tea ? Langdon : Would that . . . more I first tried this book a few months back , and I only managed to read the first few pages . I decided to try it again , because I 'm continually seeing it as high rated by everyone who enjoys paranormal romance . I thought maybe it improved further into the book . . . But I 've gotten 100 pages in , and I really don 't like it even better . Neither of the main characters have consistent personalities ; The heroine is continually asserting that she doesn 't take orders and she can take care of herself , but she lets the guy walk all over her . The Hero is incredibly inconsiderate of her feelings and her innocence , which of itself is a crap thing anyway . But then he keeps saying he wants to protect her and take care of her and stuff . . . why doesn 't he ever do the right thing then ? Besides which , the love scenes are uninspiring messes of random adjectives . I kind of don 't get why everyone loves this series so much . . It 'd have to get a * lot * better in the next book to make up for this one . So , Stephen . . She 's born sometime in the late 18 - somethings to well off parents , they call her Stephen because her parents have wanted and somewhat expected a boy child for about 10 years , and her father wants to stick with the name they chose . As it turns out , they did pretty much get a boy . As a child stephen likes to pretend she 's Nelson , fancies herself in love with the housemaid , throws her dolls away , wears trousers and rides astride her horse like a boy . Her father is very supportive , and while he 's alive she 's somewhat protected by him from other peoples opinions and morals . On the other hand , her mother thinks she 's very strange and is afraid to be close to her . Anyway , Stephen grows up , falls in love , suffers tragedies , etce etce . I 'll stay away from anything close to a spoiler . I 'm not sure exactly what I expected from this book , but it didn 't quite play out like I thought it would . Firstly , I wasn 't even sure after a while that it really was about a lesbian , I mean , Stephen is almost a transexual , when she 's young she 's thinks she 's a boy , and wants to be a boy , and when she 's older she 's constantly comparing herself with men , in regards to her behaviour , her desires and her social standing . Maybe this is about feminism and women 's rights , but I 'm not so sure . The book does seem to give a strange view of lesbianism , of Stephen , and others like her , what I 'd call the butch ones , as sort of the only real kind of lesbians . And then the girls that fall in love with them , who seem to be feminine , and swing both ways , they 're attracted to men , and to people like stephen . It 's a bit of a cliche , and I never really thought of lesbianism that way myself , is this the book that started the cliche of lesbians being all manly ? It 's kind of odd . I don 't know why Stephen has the view that she can 't give a woman a proper relationship , it 's probably partly because I can 't put myself into the mindset of that era 's values and morals , etc . But for some reason she 's such a self imposed martyr , she thinks she 's wrong , thats the . . . more Oranges is a semi - autobiographical novel , about a girl , Jeanette , adopted by a fervently evangelist christian in northern england . Her mother teaches her to read using the bible , on only sends her to school reluctantly when the authorities interfere . Jeanette also carries her mothers faith , and is alternately set on becoming a preacher , or a missionary as her mother wishes . Until , that is , Jeanette tries to explain to her mother that she 's in love with another girl . Jeanette 's ' unnatural passions ' fail to respond to exorcism , jeanette vows to give it up and bury herself in her church work , but eventually she falls in love again . In the end it results in alienation from her church and her family . Jeanettes first person narrative is a very cool rollercoaster read of ups and downs , and at times dipping into the wierdly surreal , as Jeanette is plagued with visions of an orange demon . Jeanettes internal voice often runs off at a tangent to the plot line , but stick with it , it 's always got something meaningful to ponder . I think any gay or lesbian can find something to relate to in this book , whether you grew up in a religious family or not , the opinions of other people always surround us and try to tell us what is right or wrong . When ultimately it 's your own beliefs , ( and your own personal relationship with G - d - if you 're that way inclined ) that matters more in determining who you are . The best thing about this book , for me , was that Jeanette never lost her belief in G - d , she lost a little of her fervour over time , but she never felt that her religion and her sexuality couldn 't be reconciled . She never questioned that this was the way G - d had made her , it was the interference from others of her religion that complicated things . Highly recommended . It was a good book , and it had some interesting and novel ideas . But also it did borrow a bit from the Merry Gentry series , but it doesn 't live up to that standard . Good , but not there . Elena Michaels is the only female werewolf in existence . By choice she lives apart from her pack , making a semblance of normal human life for herself in Toronto , with her human partner philip . By day she works as a journalist , and at night she goes on secret runs in her wolf form . It 's fairly clear to the reader that this isn 't going too well , but that she 's determined to keep trying to hang on to her ' normal ' human life . And then comes a phonecall from her old pack leader Jeremy ; the pack are having some trouble with human bodies found killed by wild dogs , and they really need her back to help investigate . Which brings her right back face to face with everything she was trying to escape , including the very werewolf that bit her and turned her to begin with . So . . A lot of this book sounded so incredibly familiar to me whilst reading it , and I 'm not definately sure why . Either I did read it before , and I 've forgotten that , but although I don 't think it 's good enough to be memorable . . I rarely forget a book , good or bad . Or . . it 's because its very similar in many ways to Rachel Vincent 's Stray , but surely one writer or other ( not sure which came first ) , would be in trouble for copying the other , if whole chunks were THAT similar they were almost direct copies , which is how it felt to me whilst reading it . It 's given me a bit of a headache trying to figure this out ! Maybe this is one of those books that I came to too late . After having read a LOT of paranormal and urban fantasy , I 've become a bit more picky about the genre , and no book wins points any more merely for being about werewolves . I 'm thinking perhaps that this was written earlier than a lot of the other UF I 've read , and would have been new and interesting then , but from my perspective it 's merely same old been done before stuff , and I didn 't really enjoy it much . Nothing too much in particular bad about it , but nothing great either . It really did remind me so much of " Stray " , except with wolves instead of cats , and not as well written . The one thing that di . . . more I 'd always thought this series was more of a young - adult paranormal type , more of the ' twilight ' genre than of the ' true blood ' genre . But it turns out there isn 't a very clear distinction . The characterisation seems ' young - adult - ish ' to me . Cassandra herself feels a lot like she 's about 19 , although I don 't think we 're given a clear age . A lot of the descriptions of the male characters leave a lot open to the imagination ( although louis - cesar is a more distinct character , and I liked him a lot ) , but I generally get the impression that they 're more goth teen idol , slim and pale , than they are housewife 's wet dream , big and muscular . But then , there truly is graphic sex , not just the fond longing of teen vampire love . So it 's hard to know where to place it . Anyhow , it is actually well written . The storyline is complex , and you do have to pay attention to who is who , and what happens when . It 's not something you can read just for the thrill of sex . Well you could , but you 'd skip a lot of interesting pages . I 'm going to find the next one soon : ) Got a few chapters into this one and I 've lost the will to read any further . . It just doesn 't have anything that I actually like from a paranormal romance , Theres no angst , no violence , and neither of the main characters are at all dominant . And it 's just generally not any more exciting than a mills and boon . But then , some people like it like that . I just don 't : ) review This is me having a break from anything that requires too much thought . Going back to my old reliable dirty paranormal het romance ! I have a few serie This is me having a break from anything that requires too much thought . Going back to my old reliable dirty paranormal het romance ! I have a few series to catch up on ! I deny that they 're totally trashy , I only read the ones with plot and a fantasy element ! In this prequel to the Lords of the Underworld series , Geryon is a Guardian to the gate of hell , and Kadence is the Goddess of opression , banished to the outskirts of hell where her spirit is bound with the wall so that she has to protect it . And if the wall breaks , she dies . This is the inside story about how the Lords of the Underworld demons broke out of hell , and how pandora 's box came to be . so I kinda knew how it ended . Nice story tho , sex was predictable but decent . One thing I did like is that although Geryon is pretty hideously horned and furred and mishapen , he didn 't have to turn into a handsome prince to get the girl . She likes him just the way he is . Nice : ) See my other reviews of the Lords of the Underworld series : ( Sorry ! # 1 # 2 and # 3 not yet reviewed ) | # 3 . 5 The Darkest Prison → I wasn 't too keen on the Vikings or the BAD one , mostly I think because short stories just don 't do it for me , no build up , it was all too grab and shag . hmm . The Immortals one was quite good tho , and I 'm very glad I finally got to read the 1st in the series , since I 've read all the others already ! Now I finally see how it all goes together , it 's like seeing the final scene of pulp fiction , lol . GOod stuff : ) review I loved this book . It was technically my first cyberpunk . And most of all it helped me through the depression of my teenage years when I was strugglin I loved this book . It was technically my first cyberpunk . And most of all it helped me through the depression of my teenage years when I was struggling with gender dysphoria . But it really deserves a re - read for a proper review . Unfortunately I lent my copy to my gf about 8 or 9 years ago . Not sure what the etiquette is for approaching an ex - gf that you rarely speak to about som ething you lent them 8 years ago . . . : S I read this a long time ago , but I thought I should explain my 1 star a little , from what I remember . . Basically most of the way through this book I was just thinking to myself " Where is this going ? " , I can 't remember any major plotline , I 'm not sure there was one , just a string of happenings , mostly bizzarre . There was a memorable bit at some point , for being most grisly , to do with a cult that ate their own faeces , and then in turn were eaten alive by their leader , who was equipped with special sets of razor sharp false teeth to do so , and was obscenely fat , and so would sit on them while he ate them to hold them down . And then I recall getting to the end , and still not knowing what exactly had happened , and without any sense of culmination . So hence the 1 star . review Not quite 5 stars because of ' you know what ' near the end . Still , it was pretty epic . You can certainly see how JKR improved her writing so much since Not quite 5 stars because of ' you know what ' near the end . Still , it was pretty epic . You can certainly see how JKR improved her writing so much since the very begininng . The blurb has the right idea , in my opinion , take the opening line ! : I was born twice : first , as a baby girl , on a remarkably smogless Detroit day of January 1960 ; and then again , as a teenage boy , in an emergency room near Petoskey , Michigan , in August of 1974 . There are no real spoilers here . Cal was born intersex , but raised as a girl , and later on transitioned to male . But as with most things , its the journey thats important here . Cal is introduced to us as a middle - aged Greek - American male , living currently in germany . And the book every now and then shows us this ' present ' pov . But in order to really tell his story Cal sends us right back into the past , beginning with his grandparents before they made the journey to America . Progressing through his parents story , up to his birth . This is a fairly impressive piece of story telling . And while at first I was a bit confused , believing I was getting a book about an intersex person in America , and instead finding myself reading a piece of historical fiction with all the drama and incest of a greek tragedy . But in the end the story is well worth it . And to Cal , this history is all part of him . The genetic mutation that caused his hermaphroditism , is carried through history and culture and family , and it 's all an integral part of who he is . Just as much as his own childhood ( which does get plenty of pagetime too ) . And it has to be said , the romance of his grandparents was quite a beautiful story in its own way . There are a lot of metaphors within the book , a recurrance of images to do with change , and new beginnings ; the silk worms , Cal 's grandparents journey from greece to America , greek mythology etc . Some readers complain that the metaphors could be more used , but really how hard is it to see the meaning yourself , I don 't want to have deeper meaning bashed in my face like I 'm too stupid to look for it myself ! I thought which Eugenides does a good job of gracefully bringing all the symbology together , without belabouring the point . One point I 've seen a few people mak . . . more This is an anthology of short stories , set in a shared universe , edited by George RR Martin ( but note he does contribute stories as well as editing ) . The Wild Cards universe begins in 1946 , the same as ours up until that point , then an alien virus known as the ' wild card ' virus is unleashed over New York . The majority of affected people die from the virus . Of those that survive ; A small percentage gain deformities - extra limbs etc ( these are known as Jokers ) , an even smaller percentage gain superpowers ( these are Aces ) , and a very rare few known as Deuces . . have powers , but powers that are practically useless . This first book in the Wild Card series , sets up the story of how the wild card virus came to be released , and the immediate results of it . Notable characters are Dr Tachyon , who is an Alien from the planet on which the virus orginated . The Four Aces , who were the first Aces then hired by the US government for special missions . And Jet Boy , the last pure human hero , who tried and failed to prevent the release of the virus . Each story tells of an individual or group , and how their lives were affected by the wild card virus . Usually tragedy interspersed with moments of great triumph and magic . But each story is subtly ( or not so subtly ) connects to the others , I don 't think any story is a complete stand alone from the others , but they could all be read as such , you 'd just miss out a bit on the overall chain of events . I started reading this series because George Martin is one of my favourite Authors , and I 'd read some of his contributions to Wild Cards in his own Anthologies Dreamsongs : A RRetrospective : Book Two , but he 's not the only good Author in here , all the stories are pretty good . But one of the best ones is by Roger Zelazny - ' The Sleeper ' - this introduces the character Croyd , who is The Most imaginative character of all , he doesn 't just have one set power , his powers change every time he goes to sleep . There are about 20 books in the Wild Card series now , and I 've yet to finish the 2nd , I think they 're . . . more This one gets a decent rating , as it was nice to go back to the old Anita for a little while . Off out away from her boys , and doing some proper investigating and vampire hunting . Also this is one of the ones where we get to hang out with the Edward / Bernardo / Olaf gang , which is always fun . And I do have to admit I like Olaf 's character , it 's always interesting trying to figure out whats going on in his head . Although I 'm not sure even LKH knows where it 's going . Unfortunately , there were the usual letdowns and annoyances that I 've come to expect in the Anita books . 1 - Too much coversation . - Anita keeps people yakking on for ages , about bugger all . If LKH would just chop the conversations down to the bare minimum thats actually pertinent to the plot , we 'd probably lose a third of the book volume , but it would read better . 2 - Too much posturing . - Anita always has to show off , act tough , etc , and I get that it 's part of the character , that people underestimate her because she 's small / cute / female . But it 's just too much , constantly , and I wish she 'd just get on with things rather than talking tough . culling The posturing would probably remove another 3rd of the book volume . 3 - Too many characters . - Anita happens to meet a fuckin truck load of completely new handsome men and pretty boys in every single book , and each new face just blurs into the next as I try and skim through them . No one is attractive anymore , because theres just too many new guys to pay attention to . We 're all still waiting for more plot with the ORIGINAL characters . TBH , I 'm as annoyed with Anita , as Anita is with herself . She hates that the Ardeur makes her fuck a new stranger every chapter , and I do too . It 's very irritating and bores me . The trouble is , I was a big fan of Anita Blake in the beginning , and I 've stayed with it , no matter how awful it 's gotten , because it 's like family . . . family that you can 't stand the sight of , and only see at christmas , but you still have to love em . I 'll start off by saying that it deserves 4 stars because I really liked it , and I do really really like all of Laurell K Hamilton books . I really do . And I 'm definately finish this series because I 'm hooked . I do however have two slight peeves . . One is a genal LKH Peeve - I don 't like that she leaves out a lot of what I would consider ' important firsts ' . . eg , there was no written scene for the first time Merry and Niccus got it on , we just jumped into a story where that had already happened for them , and that really dissapoints me . I know theres a lot of lovin going on , and it would probably make the book huge to include everything , but to me . . . all firsts are important ! The second peeve is a peeve that just for the Merry Gentry Series , and not for Anita . Merry gets into things too fast . I 'm not saying her morality offends me , because it really doesn 't . But it didn 't leave much room for emotional buildup . Of course LKH did pretty good with the situation , I just prefer it slower : ) Over a thousand years ago , the first Konstantine Varinski , a Russian warlord , made a deal with the devil - Which involved the breaking of a religious icon into 4 parts , scattered and hidden around the world . Since then the entire varinski line has produced only sons , and exerted their power over the local area in various ways , commonly being reputable assassins for hire . All of them are long - lived , fast - healing and are able to shapeshift into a predatory animal . The current day Konstantine Varinski was just as brutal as his namesakes , until he met a young gypsy girl , fell in love , and fled to America , changing his surname to Wilder . Now he has 3 grown sons , goodlooking and single sons of course . . ( and miraculously also a daughter ) . Then the gypsy mother utters a pretty scary prophecy . . that 4 of Konstantine Wilder 's sons must each bring a piece of the broken icon back together , or rather not the sons themselves , but the women who love them . In order to break the curse , and save their father from certain death . Of course you can bet the original Varinski family back in Russia , has not forgotten them , and probably has their own version of the prophecy to work for . Jasha Wilder , is the eldest son , and currently running the hugely successful family wine business . Anne Smith works as Jasha 's executive assistant , her defining features seem to be that she 's unusually tall , an extremely hard worker , introverted , and secretly in love with her boss . Oh , and she has a dark secretive past to do with nuns . . Anne uses a recent wine deal as an excuse to personally turn up to Jasha 's house one day , ( his phallic shaped house , apparently ) , and on discovering he is out moves all her clothes into his bedroom ( as you do ) . . and then goes downstairs to find a giant wolf in the house . . guess who ? The backstory to this series is certainly interesting , all though it does fit a certain UF pattern , 4 sons in one prophecy all to find their fated ladies , its a very smooth set up for 4 separate books . Although son number 4 remains a complete mystnotes Notes are private ! Several years ago , there was a devastating war between Humans and The Others ( magical creatures such as vampires , werewolves and demons ) . The war , nicknamed the ' voodoo wars ' , left the world riddled with magical ' bad spots ' , where black magic thrives , and everything is wrong . There is an uneasy tension left behind , the vampires may have been defeated , but they 're clearly gaining power again , many recent suspected vampire kils leads to a nervous populace . The SOF ( Special Other Forces ) , is a sort of police division which keeps the populace safe from the Others . Rae " Sunshine " Seddon , is a young woman working as a pastry chef , in her step - father 's coffe shop . Her real father was a powerful wizard , who disappeared along with the rest of the magical humans after the voodoo wars . Sunshine is kidnapped by a group of vampires ( ruled by a vampire named Bo ) , and held captive in a room where they are keeping a vampire named Constantine , whom they have been starving , and they hope to taunt him by keeping them together . Sunshine thwarts their plans by drawing on her long unused powers , that enable her to draw on sunlight . And using transfiguration spells taught to her as a child by her magical grandmother , she effects an escape for both herself and Constantine . Aiding Constantine , throws her into the conflict against Bo , whether she wants it or not . I have to admit , this novel drove me absolutely crazy , but in a very good way . Since the first time I read it , I have gone back to it several times , re - reading favourite bits , and at least one full re - read . We 're still waiting for a sequel ( that may possibly never come ) , and I 'm not very patient at my waiting . I just can 't get over how much I loved this book . Some people , I 've heard , don 't actually like Sunshine , the POV char . Or they don 't like Robin McKinley 's characterisation of her , which is down to McKinley 's writing style ; first person POV characters that have a tendency to let their thoughts run away with them , causing the plot to be held suspended for long segments while we . . . more review I 'm sorry , I did not love Villette . I merely liked it . It 's been a while since I read Jane Eyre , but I think I can still say that Villette just doesn ' I 'm sorry , I did not love Villette . I merely liked it . It 's been a while since I read Jane Eyre , but I think I can still say that Villette just doesn 't have the passion and excitement that Jane Eyre had . Don 't get me wrong , it 's very well written , and Lucy Snowe was a very intresting character , I loved her independence , and I especially liked her observations on other peoples characters . She doesn 't hold back , she 's very good at speaking her mind , and witty at it too . I especially like when Dr John tells her to cultivate happiness . " Happiness is not a potato . " she says . hehe : ) But . . . Most of the characters are not overall very likeable , Lucy Snowe herself can be intensely irritating . Mostly because we have to sit and watch everything through her narration , but she won 't show you things when you want to see them . She won 't go out , she won 't approach the people I want to hear about . I want to slap her around the face til she gets off her ass and gets involved . And then she keeps things back , she keeps secrets from the reader ! Things which are important , things which are obviously developing feelings in her , she won 't tell us about them til after the fact . She doesn 't want you to know what is important to her . She guards her thoughts even from us , and its actually frustrating . I really didn 't care for her eventual love interest either . I still don 't really get why she fell for him . She 's the one that saw all his faults , she described him to me , and I found him horrible and she loved him ? Urgh . I read a review where someone said " Lucy Snowe hates you . " And they are probably right . Moll Flanders was originally written as though it were a memoir , although it is actually fiction . I think this was a habit of Defoe 's , and a trend at the time . Moll is born into poverty , being the child of a convicted criminal , she was born in Newgate Prison and raised in a sort of poorhouse . But at a young age determined that she wanted to become a gentlewoman , her idea of such being that a gentlewoman is simply a woman that can look after herself . And Moll pretty much holds herselfs to this ideal throughout her life . Many people find the young Moll amusing for her strange ideas , and she attracts a lot of attention , and fortunately for her ends up being taken into the home of a rich family . Thus getting her first taste at a fine life . Then when Moll grows up a little bit she attracts the attention of both of the sons of the household . The elder son seduces her and showers her with money , but never makes good on his promise to marry her . Instead Moll ends up marrying the younger brother , basically for lack of any other option rather than love . When he dies 5 years later , Moll doesn 't take it too badly , but sorts out her money and possessions and sets off to find another man to keep her in the lifestyle she 's now accustomed to . And her life basically continues on as a sort of series of fortunes and misfortunes , with Moll carrying on regardless , using only her goodlooks and quick thinking to support herself . I can 't say I truly enjoyed this novel , it was a little difficult to get into . Not so much the old language or spelling , but the manner of the telling . The book has a distinct lack of characterisation , and of conversation . Most people aren 't even given names , not even her lovers and husbands . One is simply her ' lancashire husband ' . Thats how she tells them apart . Not much of a description , and not much of a romance for some characters . But what Moll really does like to talk about is wealth and posessions . Every other page it seemed there was a tally of how much money she had in her pocket , or how much plate or linIn fact Moll is shown to be a fairly strong , independent , pragmatic and adaptable woman , with a certain amount of innate wit and cleverness . And her story shows an honest view of the very limited choices available to women in that age . On this . . I admit myself very impressed by Defoe . Like I say , I didn 't exactly enjoy this novel . . but I thought it was worth reading . Which may sound a bit wierd , but there is a difference between the two things . I didn 't think it was particularly fun etc . But it was certainly worth the time and trouble to experience . . . . more Dragon Keeper is Robin Hobb 's eleventh book set in the Realms of the Elderlings , and the first in a new story arc set immediately after the events in her Liveship Traders trilogy , but focusing on new characters . After hundreds of years , the last serpents have finally made their migration up the rainwilds river , and with the help of the rainwilders , and the dragon tintaglia , they make their cocoons for the winter . But the new dragons that hatch out in summer are deformed , slow - witted , and unable to fend for themselves . The rainwilders are unwilling to continue to care for the dragons , and the dragons themselves yearn after ancestral memories of an old elderling city . So a mutual decision is soon reached that the dragons should be escorted upriver in search of the city , Kelsingra . The novel mainly follows the three main characters , Thymara , Alise and Leftrin . Thymara is a rainwilder who was born deformed , with scales and claws , ( and would have been abandoned at birth if not for her father ) . Thymara feels a great kinship for the dragons , and is one of the few with an innate ability to understand their speech . Alise , is the plain and studious daughter of a Bingtown Trader , pushed into marriage for the sake of financial security , by her somewhat unaffectionate parents . Her only love in life is the study of dragons and elderlings , and her great desire is to study the newly hatched dragons in person . Leftrin , is captain of a liveship , a barge named Tarman . Who is the only ship cabable of pushing further up the shallow acidic rainwilds river . The novel is interspersed by a series of communications between the birdkeepers ( postal service ) at Bingtown and Trehaug , which tells a cute little story but nothing momentous , but sort of serves to mark out the passage of time , as the novel passes through several years of time jumping to major events in each main character 's time . The liveship traders is my favourite of Robin Hobb 's series , so I loved returning to the same world to hear the continuation of the dragons ' story . And I am so . . . more I think I wrote a paper on this book in highschool , despite never having read it . It was a comparison with a book I did read tho , and I got a good grade . Nevertheless , I still don 't know anything about this book and I should read it someday ! Elinor and Marianne Dashwood grew up in the family estate of Norwood , with their mother , father , and younger sister . When their father dies , the estate goes to their older half brother John , and his wife Fanny . Fanny makes sure they get very little money from John , and generally makes things difficult , so Mrs Dashwood and the 3 girls move away to a cottage near the estate of a friendly distant cousin Sir John Middleton . Sir John introduces them to many new people , including Colonel Brandon , a reserved gentleman who shows a fondness for Marianne . Elinor quietly mourns the loss of her relationship with Edward Ferrars ( Fanny 's brother ) , who she no longer hears from . And Marianne promptly falls head over heels for John Willoughby , the dashing young nephew of the middletons who is not quite a sensible choice in the end . The book begins in typical Austen fashion , with a sort of quick recap of the story so far , then really begins just as the Dashwoods are moving away from Norwood . As such I never really felt Elinor 's true feeling for Edward . It 's all related as a past occurance , and between two somewhat shy characters it 's hard to see any great feeling anyway . So that really doesn 't have any great impact on where I hoped things were going for Elinor . Pride and Prejudice 's Darcy and Elizabeth was subtle , but in it 's own way momentous , not like this . And Marianne is hard to like because she 's fairly superficial . . not to say she 's not intelligent , but she 's not very sensible . . but then thats the point of the character . She 's just difficult to relate to . I could see her attraction to Willoughby , but I couldn 't agree with it , the Colonel was the more interesting prospect from the beginning . The side characters are probably the most interesting in all this . Mrs Jennings is the mother - in - law of Sir John , she 's a very friendly , and well - meaning person , but she says some really rude and socially unacceptable things sometimes . And Mr and Mrs Palmer are probably the most funny and entertaining . Mrs Palmer being the younger sister of Lad . . . more The 4th full novel in the Lords of the Underworld series . Sabin is the keeper of the Demon doubt . Was for a long time leader of the non - Budapest Lords , now both groups are working together he seems to be second in command . Sort of their General in the fight against the Hunters , and the Search for the 4 Artifacts . His demon feeds off the insecurities of those around him . The demon knows exactly what they 're thinking and whispers thoughts of doubt into their minds . Very useful against the enemy , not so useful with the ladies . Sabin has not had much luck with relationships . Gwendolin ( Gwen ) The Timid , is a harpy , held captive by the Hunters as part of their immortal breeding program . Gwen is unusal for a Harpy , she doesn 't like confrontation . But when she does let the Harpy out to attack , it 's nasty . They meet when the Lords break into a Hunter base and rescue several immortal females held captive . The other females get taken back , but Sabin is so taken by Gwen that he refuses to let her go , takes her back to the Budapest fortress and tries to convince her to join the battle against the Hunters for revenge . This was fairly much a captor / captive romance , as Sabin practically holds Gwen hostage at the fortress , and is creepy enough not to allow her privacy or her own room . Fortunately he didn 't force himself on her or I would have burned the book . But I did find his treatment of her distasteful and not conducive to a romantic relationship . When Gwen 's Harpy sisters show up , the book takes a clear downward turn . As the harpy 's are horrible horrible characters , that talk like teenage girls , have overly agressive attitudes , and apart from the fact that they 're harpys theres not a single fantasy element to them . The worst part of it is , that I know Gena is going to write them in as partners for some of the other Lords , and theres 3 of them . It 's going to be crap . As usual , I enjoyed the side stories a LOT more than the main story . Very interested especially , to hear about Aeron keeper of Wrath , his pet demon Legion , and the An . . . more review It 's always difficult to review a book when you know the author will read it . Hence it being months and months til I got around to this . However , I re It 's always difficult to review a book when you know the author will read it . Hence it being months and months til I got around to this . However , I really liked Not Ordinarily Borrowable , so I should have nothing to worry about , right ? Maria is a young student , who is working to become a doctor of Asnac - ( an Asnac being a person who studies the way people lived a long time ago ) . Maria just needs to finish her thesis . But when she arrives at the library , she finds that all the books she wanted have been taken . . . . . . by a dragon . Maria sets off on a fabulous adventure in search of the dragon ( and the books he stole ) , and along the way she finds a magical sword , a friend , and a recipe for cake . Not Ordinarily Borrowable is the kind of book I wish I 'd had access to in primary school . We had such a lousy selection in my school , I 'd read the few good ones , and I wasn 't allowed to bring in any of my Enid Blyton books from home . But this ? This would have been perfect . And I imagine it would have pulled me into the fantasy genre much sooner , which can never be a bad thing . I 'd recommend this to children and young adults of any age . And I 'm looking forward to more adventures with Maria in future . 3rd installation of the Night Huntress series . Cat is half vampire , on the good guys side , now currently working for a goverment branch that takes down all kinds of vampires . And now Bones is back working at her side , Bones being her vampire boyfriend , british accent , long leather coat , bleach blond hair , ( Think Spike from buffy clone ) . In this episode Cat is in trouble because she 's used too many disguises on her lure and kill trips , and vampires are beginning to know who she is and target her . and Bones is in trouble because an old vampire ex is out to kill him . TBH , if ther was more than that to the plot I completely missed it while rushing to get the book finished . Unfortunately this is a book series that has quickly gone stale for me . Theres just no spark in it for me anymore . It 's cheesy , improbable , and boring . I remember loving the first in the series , ( despite the idea of the half - vampire being really implausible to me ) . I remember it all jus seemed really fresh , and funny , and quirky , and fast paced . But I 've now lost my interest . I think the cloneing a popular paranormal tv character for one of your main characters is still a very bad idea on the authors part , there is no one that has read it that has missed that . But I think this is the last time I will ever read about cat staking vampires with her wooden stiletto heels ( I never got over the impracticality of that ) . 2 stars , I can 't read any more of the series .
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The Pilgrimage to Santiago de Compostela is a centuries old trek across northern Spain done by following " The Camino de Santiago " , the road to Santiago . Before February of 2001 I had not heard of " The Camino " nor of the Pilgrimage . By the end of October of that year I was in Santiago after completing the walk myself . I thought that when I reached Santiago my journey was over but I see now that my journey started way before I got to Spain and still has not ended . Just back from a long Memorial Day weekend in Denver . We did all the usual things ; hung out with family , grilled up hamburgers and hot dogs , watched the Indy 500 , talked about the Boulder Boulder , and went shopping . For unexpected weirdness my dog Kate started walking around with her hind quarters kind of hunched up Saturday . We thought she had an infected scent gland but the vet we took her to said that wasn 't the problem . He thought it was either a broken or sprained tail . A dog breaking her tail is like a human breaking her little toe so there was nothing he could do but up her pain medication for a few days . We still had not figured out how Kate could have broken her tail right up to the moment Duke came racing up to me and jammed his snout into the side of my leg . Not only did it hurt it almost bowled me over . Mystery of broken tail solved . The Indy 500 was interesting this year because for the first time since Janet Guthrie raced in 1979 a woman , Danica Patrick , participated . Robby Gordon , president of the NASCAR chapter of the He - man Women Haters Club , complained that Patrick had an unfair advantage over the male racers because she only weighted 100 pounds . In a I 'm going to take my ball and go home moment he went on to say , " I won 't race against her until the IRL does something to take that advantage away . " I must point out that the weight differences of the drivers has never come up in a race before this . I must also point out that Danica Patrick finished fourth yesterday and was named Rookie of the Year . And I must point out that Dan Wheldon , a Brit , won the race . The first time a Brit has won the Indy 500 since the late Graham Hill did it in 1966 . I wonder how many people are bitching about that too . Update : Gordon takes it all back . He also wins Whine Of The Week from NBC Sports . Suffering is Optional . - Zen AphorismYesterday I woke up with a migraine and was out of commission most of the day . This morning I woke up feeling pretty good so what did I think was a good thing to do first thing this morning ? That 's right , get my shotgun out and go shooting . My husband had the gun repaired a couple of weeks ago and has wanted me to take it out and test it so we went up to the gun club . I nailed the first clay pigeon . I also did the following : 1 . It had been so long since I 've fired a shotgun I forgot two important things ; a . To make sure to hold the gun butt solidly against my shoulder when I pulled the trigger . b . To put my face to the gun to at the same time . 2 . When I forgot both , two things happened ; a . The recoil of the blast slammed the gun butt into my shoulder . b . The recoil of the blast caused the stock of the gun ( which my cheek should have been snuggled up against but wasn 't ) to slap me on the right side of the face . Now , why doing these two things are bad : 1 . Doing either one hurts . 2 . I had a migraine yesterday . You think I would have stopped at this point wouldn 't you ? You would be wrong . I shot once more making sure to put the gun butt securely in the crook of my shoulder and my face on the gun stock when I fired . It still hurt but not as bad as before plus I nailed the pigeon again . So I kept shooting and each time I fired the pain got less and less . By the time we finished the pain intensity I felt was just a faint echo of yesterday 's headache . I think I 've found a new treatment for migraines . From the Downing Street Memo website : Text of the Downing Street Memo - a document containing meeting minutes transcribed during the British Prime Minister 's meeting on July 23 , 2002 • As originally reported in the The Times of London , May 1 , 2005SECRET AND STRICTLY PERSONAL - UK EYES ONLYDAVID MANNINGFrom : Matthew RycroftDate : 23 July 2002S 195 / 02cc : Defence Secretary , Foreign Secretary , Attorney - General , Sir Richard Wilson , John Scarlett , Francis Richards , CDS , C , Jonathan Powell , Sally Morgan , Alastair CampbellIRAQ : PRIME MINISTER ' S MEETING , 23 JULYCopy addressees and you met the Prime Minister on 23 July to discuss Iraq . This record is extremely sensitive . No further copies should be made . It should be shown only to those with a genuine need to know its contents . John Scarlett summarised the intelligence and latest JIC assessment . Saddam 's regime was tough and based on extreme fear . The only way to overthrow it was likely to be by massive military action . Saddam was worried and expected an attack , probably by air and land , but he was not convinced that it would be immediate or overwhelming . His regime expected their neighbours to line up with the US . Saddam knew that regular army morale was poor . Real support for Saddam among the public was probably narrowly based . C reported on his recent talks in Washington . There was a perceptible shift in attitude . Military action was now seen as inevitable . Bush wanted to remove Saddam , through military action , justified by the conjunction of terrorism and WMD . But the intelligence and facts were being fixed around the policy . The NSC had no patience with the UN route , and no enthusiasm for publishing material on the Iraqi regime 's record . There was little discussion in Washington of the aftermath after military action . CDS said that military planners would brief CENTCOM on 1 - 2 August , Rumsfeld on 3 August and Bush on 4 August . The two broad US options were : ( a ) Generated Start . A slow build - up of 250 , 000 US troops , a short ( 72 hour ) air campaign , then a move up to Baghdad frPosted by Got up this morning at six , went back to bed at eight , and got up again at eleven . My allergies are acting up big time . Right now I feel like I am channeling four of the seven dwarfs ; Sleepy , Dopey , Sneezy , and sometimes Grumpy . Last night I went to bed at 700PM and then was woken up around four in the morning by Duke when he gave out one loud howl that sounded like , " NooOOOOOooooOOOO ! " This is the third time he has done this since we got him and it scares the heck out of me each time I hear it . I bolted out of bed and found him sitting on his sleep pad with a dazed look on his face . I went and sat down by him for a few minutes and he cuddled up against me and then fell back asleep . I then went back to bed but it took me what felt like a very long time to get back to sleep . Anyway between that and the allergies I think I will be going to bed by 700PM again tonight . New game ( for me ) , set your MP3 player on random and list the first ten that play . 01 . Scott Joplin - The Entertainer 02 . Louis Armstrong - You Go To My Head 03 . How 's Bayou - ' Tit Gallop Pour la Pointe aux Pins04 . Pro Arte Chamber Orchestra - Largo e Spiccato 05 . Duke Levine - Out Of Business06 . John Lennon - Mind Games07 . Jimi Hendrix Experience - Foxey Lady 08 . The Mammas & The Pappas - California Dreamin ' 09 . Bobby Hebb - Sunny 10 . BR5 - 49 - Even If It 's Wrong * Got back from a weekend in Denver last night and still catching up on things here at home . My sister had a house warming party Sunday and we spent Friday , Saturday , and part of Sunday getting everything ready for it . We put rock down in some areas that had dirt showing and large cedar chips in other areas under the pine trees . My brother - in - law set up a horseshoe pit and mowed the lawn . I laid out a croquet game for the children . We set chairs out on the patio and my husband put up the pool cue holder next to the new pool table in the family room . The party started at 300PM and the last person did not go home until midnight . About 50 people were in and out of the house during that time period . One child cried when it was time for him to go home , he just didn 't want to leave because he was having so much fun . I did a little drinking and paid for it yesterday . I was not hung over just very tired . I am not bragging but I 've never had a hang over in my life and I think it is because my body consumes the alcohol as I sleep . As usual I woke up in the middle of the night burning up with a fever and covered in a sheen of perspiration but by morning I was feeling find . Driving home was not fun since the wind was blowing hard and I had to pull the steering wheel a little to the right to keep the car heading straight . That wind was blowing today but I welcomed it because I did laundry and then hung it all on the line to dry . I love hanging laundry on the line . Nothing is more satisfying that to look out and see a line of sheets snapping in the wind . Line dried sheets have a wonderful smell too . Its the smell of sunshine and fresh air . I am looking forward to sleeping on those same sheets tonight . * Humm , don 't know if we can interpret very much from the answers so far . We have one man who said he dreams in color , two women who say they dream in color , one man and one woman who doesn 't know what color their dreams are , and one woman who made fun of my husband instead of answering the question . ( But isn 't that what sister - in - laws are for ? ) The only thing we have learned is that not all men dream in black - and - white . We need more answers so I 'm asking you to ask others around you if their dreams are in color or black - and - white . Ask your significant other , ask your children , ask your co - workers , ask your parents - heck , ask people you stop on the street . We need more data ! * While running the dogs south of town this morning my husband came across the remains of a Ford Escape which had been driven into a telephone pole . The front end of the vehicle had been smashed in and windshield shattered . I don 't know how fast it had been going at the time of the accident but the pole it hit snapped into two pieces on impact . This is the story my husband told me when he got back home . A little while ago a family from Colorado moved into town and bought some land right near the highway . On that land they placed a trailer home . Since a trailer home is the worst place to stay during a tornado the father told his daughter that any time she saw a tornado coming she was to get as far way from the trailer as possible . So last night when we were under a Tornado Watch the daughter , who was home along , panicked , raced outside , jumped into the family Ford and starting driving south away from her home . She drove so fast she lost control of the car on a curve and crashed into the telephone pole . She was not hurt too badly because she able to walk to a farmhouse not far away and get help . Here is the kicker - the girl who was driving the SUV is about ten or eleven years old . * My eyes are an ocean in which my dreams are reflected . - Anna M . UhlichI just found out that my husband dreams in black - and - white and not in color . I thought everyone dreamed in color - I know I do . I not only dream in color I dream in Technicolor . He also told me that all men dream in black - and - white while most women dream in color . Is this true ? Let 's do a little survey , which do you dream in , color or black - and - white ? * The last three weeks I have been on a reading spree . Right now I am re - reading Kings Of The Bs : Working Within The Hollywood System : An Anthology of film history and criticism and yes , some of it is as boring as the title sounds but these words caught my attention today : The reason people get hooked on movie detail or on B movies in general or on , say , movie serials has nothing to do with the quality of either those films or those details , any more than getting hooked on rock ' n ' roll or baseball has anything to do with the quality of the individual songs or games . Unlike the Ph . D . candidate forced to illuminate the works of a minor writer , the lover of B movies never attempts to raise them up to the level of high art or to analyze them by applying high art 's standards . That isn 't to say that movie freaks don 't exercise discriminatory taste . It 's quite unlike getting hooked on minor literature . Mystery novel addicts often feel uncomfortable with high literature , and people who read spy novels often don 't want to put in the work it takes to enjoy a better book . Addicts of subliterature don 't really like reading , just as those executives who attend the World Series and never go to any other games don 't like baseball . ( What 's So Hot About Going To The Movies by Clive T . Miller ) Addicts of subliterature don 't really like reading . . . I never thought about it this way before and I feel sorry for them . When I was a child my mother always said ( whenever she was criticized for allowing her children to read comic books ) that she did not care what we read as long as we were reading . Twice a month she would bring a new stack of comic books home from the grocery store and we would all lie around the living room reading them . But she also knew that we would continue to grow in our reading . We all had library cards that did not limit our ability to check out books to just the children 's section . Any book I was interested in I was allowed to read . One day , I was in the eight grade , I sat reading Catcher In The Rye while waiting for scienPosted by For the last two months I have been carrying around a jumbo size cup filled with depression . I have tried to move carefully while holding it knowing that surface tension was the only thing keeping it from spilling over . Some time between going to bed the night before last and waking up yesterday morning it spilled . I woke up very early feeling nothing and everything . As the day progressed I found it harder and harder to concentrate on any one thing for very long . My thoughts bounced around in my mind like popping corn . For most of the day I pinballed from one emotion to another with listlessness , agitation , sadness , fear , panic , and anxiety being the main ones . My whole body was in pain , not physical pain but some kind of mental anguish that felt like the memory of some past body injury . The pain was so unbearable that a couple of times I felt nauseous from the need to throw it up . By the end of the day I was both wired and exhausted . This morning I woke up feeling panic scuffling around the edges of my consciousness . I knew if I did not get up and moving it would catch up with me so I quickly got out of bed . I then dressed and hurried outside deciding as I closed the front gate behind me to walk down to the river . When I got there I was met with a cacophony of bird sounds . There were quacks , squeaks , honks , whistles , huffs , cackles , trills , screeches , hoots , and coos . I walked to where the sounds seemed to be the loudest and sat on the bank overlooking the water to listen . As I sat there I noticed how green everything had become since the last time I had been there . Grass was growing , trees were leafing , and so many reeds were sprouting in the river that it was in danger of being overrun by them . I had forgotten how many different colors of green there are in the world . I could see a Crayoloa Crayon box full of greens ; olive greens , green yellows , spring greens , pine greens , yellow greens , forest greens , and just plain old green greens . I let the sound of the birds fill my ears and the colors of the grasses , plPosted by Love it when the date numbers are all the same . Wouldn 't this be a good day to buy a lottery ticket ? On my calendar I see that today is the Feast of the Ascension , Cinco de Mayo in Mexico , Children 's Day in Japan , Holocaust Remembrance Day , and National Day of Prayer in the USA . That last one caught my eye so I looked the phrase up on the Internet and found The Annual Day Of National Prayer Official Website . This is what they had to say about the creation of a National Day of Prayer : In 1952 , a joint resolution by Congress , signed by President Truman , declared an annual , national day of prayer . In 1988 , the law was amended and signed by President Reagan , permanently setting the day as the first Thursday of every May . Each year , the president signs a proclamation , encouraging all Americans to pray on this day . Last year , all 50 state governors plus the governors of several U . S . territories signed similar proclamations . They go on to say : The National Day of Prayers is OursThe National Day of Prayer belongs to all Americans . It is a day that transcends differences bringing together citizens from all backgrounds . At first I found the idea of a National Day of Prayer disturbing as it looks like a separation of church and state issue but the above statement set my mind at ease . This group is not promoting one religion over another but saying this day belongs to all Americans and see it as a way of bringing us all together . I can live with that . Then I read this in the About NDP section : Official Policy Statement Of Participation Of " Non - Judeo - Christian " Groups In Nation Day Of PrayerThe Nation Day of Prayer was created by an act of Congress and is , therefore , intended for all people of faith to pray to the God of their understanding . However , our expression of that involvement is specifically limited to the Judeo - Christian heritage and those who share that conviction as expressed in the Lausanne Covenant * . If people of other faiths wish to celebrate in their own tradition , they are welcome to do so , but we must be true to tPosted by At one point when I was working for the Colorado State Department of Personnel my boss , trying to find a way to keep me interested in my work , sent me around to other state agencies to teach their personnel employees how to use the new computerized records system . One day when I was driving down I - 25 on my way to Trinidad I noticed smoke seeping out from under the hood of my car . I pulled over , popped the hood release , got out of the car , and walked to the front of it to take a look . When I lifted the hood I was relieved to find out what I thought was smoke was really steam escaping from a crack in the radiator hose . As I stood there wondering what I was going to do about it a man appeared beside me smiling and holding a section of duct tape between his hands . He gave it to me saying , " This should fix it . " I thanked him and he turned and started walking back to his car . I leaned over the engine and quickly wrapped the tape around the radiator hose . I stood there for a couple seconds admiring my work and then slammed the hood shut . As I did I looked over the top of my car so I could wave at him as he drove away . He was gone . No car and no him . I drove on to Colorado Springs and stopped at a gas station to have the radiator hose replaced and then continued on my way . It wasn 't until I was past Pueblo that I started thinking about him and what had happened . First , everything happened way to fast . I figured I was only stopped for about a minute and I have never had any " pull off the road " car problem resolved that quickly before or since . Second , where did he come from and where did he go to ? I did not see him drive up , he just appeared at my side . When I saw him standing there I just assumed he had stopped his car to help me . When he left there was no way he could have walked back to his car and driven off without me seeing him . In fact , if he was parked behind me he would not have been able to leave until I pulled away . When I left I had to drive in the breakdown lane for a bit to pick up speed before I could get bacPosted by I think it is time to write something about our new dog " Duke . " He is now 11 months old and still adjusting to his life with us . Remember when I wrote about picking him up at the airport and how when I looked into his crate for a moment I saw Emma staring back at me ? How he was about the same size and had the same markings on his body that Emma did ? I think I now know why . At first I did not want to believe it but I think Emma is with him . These are the Emma traits that he has : he runs with the same gait Emma had , he has the same drinking problem ( when he drinks half of the water falls out of his mouth as he lifts his head up ) , he dances around in circles when it is time to go for his walk , he gets cold very easily , he eats his food quickly - like he hasn 't eaten in a year , at bedtime he sleeps in the living room and then moves to his bed in our bedroom some time during the night . One day I came home to find he had dug two holes in the yard in the same two spots where Emma always dug . Another day I heard him barking in the living room the way I had heard Emma bark a number of times before and I knew I would find Kate there teasing him with her chewy . She was . Then there is his face , it is always changing . One minute he looks exactly like Emma , and then not so much , and then at other times not at all . Those times when he looks nothing like Emma I get the feeling I am seeing his real face . I have been told that Emma is with him to help him bond with us and I believe this is true . All I have to do is look at him to see it . *
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I 'm so excited about tomorrow . Travis is on a golf trip , so I decided to take the day off and spend it with my girls . My beading classes start next Thursday , so I thought it would be the perfect time to go shopping for kit materials . I also have a gift card that I received for Mother 's Day and you know what that means - - guilt free shopping ! I watched a video the other day on stamping metal blanks with rubber stamps and ink . Apparently this brand of ink , StazOn ink , works well on metal . I 'm hoping to be able to find it tomorrow . Since the girls will be with me the day won 't be spent entirely on beads . They want to look for bathing suits , and who knows what else ? ! I want to see if I can find a few things to make my front porch more inviting . The best part is we get to stop by and see baby Evie ( blogged about her arrival on May 16 ) and big brother Elliott ! I named them " Little Birdies " because the entire time I made them the song from the Peanuts cartoons that talks about little birdies kept running through my head . I think the song may be in the Charlie Brown Thanksgiving movie , but I can 't remember for sure . I do know Woodstock is doing something while it plays . And , in case you can 't tell , yes , I 'm a huge Peanuts fan ! One more work day this week . I 'm taking Friday off to hang around with my girls and do a little shopping . Travis will be gone on a golf trip , so it 's the perfect time for some girl time ! Posted by I had a rather exciting lunch break today . Travis and I went home for lunch , and on our way there we saw a BEAR ! We were behind a big truck and it stopped suddenly in the middle of a curve . I couldn 't figure out why , and then I saw the bear jump over the guardrail . I kept saying " it 's a bear , Travis , it 's a bear " and he looked at me calmly , as he usually does when I get excited , and said " you know they 're everywhere , right ? " . Well , yes , of course I do . I hear of bears being in people 's yards all the time . But , this is the first one I had ever seen up close and personal here in Wise County ! Naturally , this was the one time my phone was in my purse , so I couldn 't get a picture . Pretty exciting , though . It wasn 't huge - - not a cub , but probably not fully grown , either . A teenage bear ! When we got home , Trav took Ralph out and when he came back in I saw him throw the leash down . I looked into our mudroom and saw him jerking his pants off . I asked what on earth he was doing , and a bee had flown up his pants leg and stung him on the side of his leg above the knee . It was a honeybee , and thankfully he 's apparently not allergic to them . This evening was much less eventful , and I had the chance to sit down and do some beading . I made this lariat . . . Today was awards day at Katie 's school . She did very well ! I told her she gets it from me , but she insists she gets it from her daddy . Whatever ! I know the truth . . . This is Kate after the ceremony . This afternoon we did some work outside . Finally got some flowers planted out front , thanks to my two little gardeners - - Hannah and Katie . I love how they turned out . I can 't decide which I like the most ! Pictures simply do not do them justice . Both the colors and the flower theme are inspiring . Now , if I only had time to go create something . But , it 's off to the softball field . . . We had a small birthday party for my mom Friday night . Nothing fancy , but it 's always a lot of fun when the family gets together . It can be a little chaotic because we all like to talk . A lot . At the same time . After all these years , Trav still hasn 't quite gotten the hang of participating in multiple conversations at once . Guess it 's an inherited talent . Saw The Avengers yesterday . It was good . I just wish I knew more of the background behind the superheroes . I finished the final Harry Potter book today . I 'm a little sad about that . Still need to watch the final two movies , so I have that to look forward to . I may need to re - read all of them in a few months - - I 'm sure there 's lots I missed the first time around . I 've said it before , and I 'm sure I 'll say it again . I love my new BlackBerry , but I hate the camera on it . I just can 't get it to take good pictures . The camera on my old Berry was much better . I love the convenience of being able to snap quick pictures with my phone , and then edit them , but with this phone 's camera all the editing in the world doesn 't help ! Tomorrow morning is Katie 's awards day at school . Then , shopping for plants for the front of the house , planting and mulching , and cleaning the front porch . Naturally , we 'd pick a hot spell to do all this . Wish I could say I enjoy working outside , but I 'm much more of an indoors kind of gal . Oh , well . I am looking forward to the results . Posted by The Beading Daily blog was interesting this morning . It was about state gemstones . Yes , apparently most states have an official gemstone to go along with the state flower , bird , etc . I did a little research and can you believe I live in a state that does not have an official gemstone ? ! All the surrounding states do , but not Virginia . Tennessee and Kentucky have the same gemstone - - freshwater pearls . I live in a coal mining region , and the black diamond above looks a lot like coal . Yes , I think that would work out quite well . I could live with one of these on my finger - - to honor the state , of course : I survived the field trip yesterday . It was fun , but I think I 'm getting too old for these all day field trips ! I 've been in a fog all day . We went to an amusement park a couple of hours from home , Dollywood . The kids had a blast , and my daredevil daughter rode 4 roller coasters . She certainly doesn 't get that from me . I was the bag lady all day . I watched everyone 's stuff while they rode rides . I did win a huge stuffed pink flamingo , though ! One of the kids in the group said I bet out him and two five - year - olds to get it . Hey , it was a PINK FLAMINGO ! You 've gotta do what you 've gotta do ! I stayed out of the little shops there , which took a lot of willpower . However , I did stumble into this little place that had stones for sale . They were very inexpensive , and I can see them wrapped with wire , hanging from a delicate chain . I wound up with pink agate , quartz crystal , sodalite , amethyst , adventurine , and one other that I think I forgot to pick up information on . Oh , well . They also had quite a few unpolished stones , which would have also been interesting . Probably should have picked a couple up . We have a softball game this evening , but I 'm fantasizing about going to bed early . Probably won 't happen , but I sure do need it ! Posted by I honestly think I could work for days on end straight and still not finish all I need to . I 'm supposed to work in the concession stand at tonight 's ball game , but it 's been raining a good part of the day , so I 'm desperately hoping the game will be canceled . Ordinarily I wouldn 't mind , but Hannah has a big field trip tomorrow and we 're leaving early . It 's going to be a very long day , so I need to spend this evening getting everything I need to take ready , and try to get in bed at a decent hour . There 's absolutely no chance of that happening if I 'm at the ball field all evening . Got my fingers crossed ! Today is my mom 's birthday . We 're planning a small party with the family on Friday evening , but today I sent her flowers . Happy birthday , Mom ! Posted by I have a lot of items in my etsy shop right now . And , if they 're in my etsy shop , that also means they 're stored at my house taking up space ! So , I have decided to have a sale ! Use the coupon code SUMMER12 to receive 15 % off and , as always , free shipping ! I sat down at my beading table ( a . k . a . the dining room table ) last night to try to get started on a set for a friend of mine . She wanted something pink , green and white - - something springy . I put things together , took them apart , and finally decided to make wrapped loops with some of the beads . I didn 't get too far , but this is my start . Not sure I like the camera on my new BlackBerry . Seems like my old one took better pictures . I guess I 'll go back to using a regular camera for the blog . I like the convenience of the phone , but the quality isn 't nearly as good . He is the sweetest thing . If anyone is looking for a dog , I highly recommend a Bichon Frise . They 're so friendly and sweet , and he fits in perfectly with our family . I never really wanted an indoor dog , but he 's just perfect and seems like one of the kids ! Off to the ball field for a softball tournament . Thankfully this one is at home , which makes it very convenient . Hope the girls have fun ! Posted by She 's here now ! Evangeline Colbie was born yesterday , joining big brother Elliott . Isn 't she absolutely beautiful ? Looks like a little angel , but apparently created a bit of a ruckus in the nursery last night and wound up getting kicked out ! Poor thing wasn 't even 24 hours old and was already getting herself into trouble ! I have to say I 'm quite proud of her ! I had planned to announce her birth last night , but by the time I rushed from work to the ball field for a double header , and then got everything lined out at home for the day , I didn 't think another thing about it until I was snuggled up in bed . No games tonight , thank goodness ! Maybe I can get a little work done on some beading projects . Posted by I bought this piece from a friend of mine who was selling this particular brand of jewelry ( which shall remain nameless ) . Since she was selling some of the pieces she had bought herself , I don 't know if there were earrings available to match or not . Didn 't matter . I decided this necklace needed more than a plain pair of hoops or studs , so I dug into my bead stash and came up with these : They 're a very close match to the necklace . Forgive the slightly blurry earring picture . I got a new BlackBerry at work today and I was fiddling around with the camera . The phone is different - - it has both a touch screen and a keyboard . I think I 'll like it once I get used to it . New phones are always fun to play with ! I do need to get a skin for it because I 'm notorious for dropping my phones and the skins have saved many a phone ! The smaller crystals have different colors running through each of them - - one crystal has pink accents , another blue . . . The larger crystals at the top of the earrings are a dark blue that gradually lightens into gray and white . They remind me of storms at the beach , and are absolutely beautiful ! Perfect for this nice , rainy day . Yesterday we went on a field trip with Katie to a state park in a neighboring county . After we left , we stopped by Cumberland Gap , which was well worth the trip ! It has to be one of the most beautiful places I 've ever been . For those of you who do not know where it 's located , here 's a hint : Most of these are for a set I 'm making for a good friend of mine . I can 't wait to use the Vintaj leaves in a pair of earrings , and I loved the seed bead colors . I haven 't yet decided what to do with the owl pendant , but you can never have too much owl jewelry ! You know , it really takes talent to injure yourself sleeping , but I managed to do that last night . Now there 's a spot in my lower neck / upper back that hurts whenever I move or take a step . I think this calls for a heating pad and a nap . Unfortunately , Hannah has a game tonight , so I 'm not getting either ! Tomorrow is field trip day with Katie 's 4th grade class . We 're going to a state park . I 'm not exactly an outdoorsy person , but hopefully the scenery will be inspiring . I decided to enter the Beadaholique May Challenge bead contest today . The challenge this month is " May Flowers " , so I entered these earrings : The top 10 finalists will be announced May 31 and then the public voting begins . I hate the waiting game ! This is the first time I 've entered this , so we 'll see what happens . I shipped my necklace to Bead Trends today . So exciting , but nerve wracking , too , for some reason . I can 't show you the necklace , but I will show you the bracelet and earrings I made to match it . Two things I love tonight : the colors of these beads , and the earwires . I love this shade of blue , and it 's so summery paired with the yellow and white . Very cheery ! I also love the earwires because extra beads can be added as accents - - like these blue and yellow seed beads . These earrings are fast , simple , and they make me smile ! I was finally able to successfully make a beaded bezel . I 've been wanting to do this for a long time , and have attempted it before , only to wind up frustrated . I think the mistake I made before was not using two sizes of seed beads , which all instructions I 've read clearly say to do ! I guess sometimes doing what you 're supposed to pays off ! I was looking through some seashells tonight and found some rocks from the beach , smoothed by the surf . While not perfectly round , I still decided to give beading a bezel for one of them a try . My original thought was to make a pair for earrings , but I think it might look good as a pendant on an illusion necklace . Or , it might also look good on a multi strand necklace , made of seed beads and small pearls . Something to ponder . . . Some people can combine all sorts of colors that you wouldn 't think would look together , and make something that looks wonderful . I 've never felt like one of those people . I feel like I tend to play a little safe when it comes to color combinations . I 've tried to break out of my safe place a little lately , and here are a few of my color combination favorites : I love the spring - y feel to this purple and green crystal bracelet . The picture simply does not do justice to the sparkle in this bracelet . These pieces , and more , can be found in my etsy shop . I received some wonderful news last night . One of my necklaces has been chosen for the October issue of Bead Trends magazine ! This will be my first magazine project and I 'm beyond excited ! I checked my email in bed last night and found the email . I assumed it was a " thanks , but no thanks " email , so you can imagine how I felt when i saw that they had accepted my project . I was so keyed up I didn 't think I 'd ever be able to go to sleep ! This is something I 've been dreaming about for a long time , and now it 's happening . Guess that 's one thing I can mark off my bucket list ! I 've got a really bad habit of hoarding beads . I don 't think I 'm the only beader who does this , but there are certain beads I get that I just can 't seem to use right away . A friend of mine got this pendant when I bought mine : When she mentioned to her husband that she wanted to make sure she did something she really liked with it he said " can 't you just cut it apart if you don 't like it ? " . Obviously he 's not a beader . That would be too simple . Of course you can cut pieces apart and start over . But , it 's more fun to obsess for a while about what to make and then get it right the first time ! Here are a couple other pieces I 'm hoarding : Today was Katie 's last day of fiddle lessons until fall . The kids gave a little recital for the parents , and did a great job ! Here 's my little fiddler in action : I have been making jewelry since 2007 , but have been in love with accessories for as long as I can remember ! I live in the Appalachian Mountains in southwestern Virginia and work at a local college . I live with my husband , two daughters , and very spoiled Bichon Frise .
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I 'm so excited about tomorrow . Travis is on a golf trip , so I decided to take the day off and spend it with my girls . My beading classes start next Thursday , so I thought it would be the perfect time to go shopping for kit materials . I also have a gift card that I received for Mother 's Day and you know what that means - - guilt free shopping ! I watched a video the other day on stamping metal blanks with rubber stamps and ink . Apparently this brand of ink , StazOn ink , works well on metal . I 'm hoping to be able to find it tomorrow . Since the girls will be with me the day won 't be spent entirely on beads . They want to look for bathing suits , and who knows what else ? ! I want to see if I can find a few things to make my front porch more inviting . The best part is we get to stop by and see baby Evie ( blogged about her arrival on May 16 ) and big brother Elliott ! I named them " Little Birdies " because the entire time I made them the song from the Peanuts cartoons that talks about little birdies kept running through my head . I think the song may be in the Charlie Brown Thanksgiving movie , but I can 't remember for sure . I do know Woodstock is doing something while it plays . And , in case you can 't tell , yes , I 'm a huge Peanuts fan ! One more work day this week . I 'm taking Friday off to hang around with my girls and do a little shopping . Travis will be gone on a golf trip , so it 's the perfect time for some girl time ! Posted by I had a rather exciting lunch break today . Travis and I went home for lunch , and on our way there we saw a BEAR ! We were behind a big truck and it stopped suddenly in the middle of a curve . I couldn 't figure out why , and then I saw the bear jump over the guardrail . I kept saying " it 's a bear , Travis , it 's a bear " and he looked at me calmly , as he usually does when I get excited , and said " you know they 're everywhere , right ? " . Well , yes , of course I do . I hear of bears being in people 's yards all the time . But , this is the first one I had ever seen up close and personal here in Wise County ! Naturally , this was the one time my phone was in my purse , so I couldn 't get a picture . Pretty exciting , though . It wasn 't huge - - not a cub , but probably not fully grown , either . A teenage bear ! When we got home , Trav took Ralph out and when he came back in I saw him throw the leash down . I looked into our mudroom and saw him jerking his pants off . I asked what on earth he was doing , and a bee had flown up his pants leg and stung him on the side of his leg above the knee . It was a honeybee , and thankfully he 's apparently not allergic to them . This evening was much less eventful , and I had the chance to sit down and do some beading . I made this lariat . . . Today was awards day at Katie 's school . She did very well ! I told her she gets it from me , but she insists she gets it from her daddy . Whatever ! I know the truth . . . This is Kate after the ceremony . This afternoon we did some work outside . Finally got some flowers planted out front , thanks to my two little gardeners - - Hannah and Katie . I love how they turned out . I can 't decide which I like the most ! Pictures simply do not do them justice . Both the colors and the flower theme are inspiring . Now , if I only had time to go create something . But , it 's off to the softball field . . . We had a small birthday party for my mom Friday night . Nothing fancy , but it 's always a lot of fun when the family gets together . It can be a little chaotic because we all like to talk . A lot . At the same time . After all these years , Trav still hasn 't quite gotten the hang of participating in multiple conversations at once . Guess it 's an inherited talent . Saw The Avengers yesterday . It was good . I just wish I knew more of the background behind the superheroes . I finished the final Harry Potter book today . I 'm a little sad about that . Still need to watch the final two movies , so I have that to look forward to . I may need to re - read all of them in a few months - - I 'm sure there 's lots I missed the first time around . I 've said it before , and I 'm sure I 'll say it again . I love my new BlackBerry , but I hate the camera on it . I just can 't get it to take good pictures . The camera on my old Berry was much better . I love the convenience of being able to snap quick pictures with my phone , and then edit them , but with this phone 's camera all the editing in the world doesn 't help ! Tomorrow morning is Katie 's awards day at school . Then , shopping for plants for the front of the house , planting and mulching , and cleaning the front porch . Naturally , we 'd pick a hot spell to do all this . Wish I could say I enjoy working outside , but I 'm much more of an indoors kind of gal . Oh , well . I am looking forward to the results . Posted by The Beading Daily blog was interesting this morning . It was about state gemstones . Yes , apparently most states have an official gemstone to go along with the state flower , bird , etc . I did a little research and can you believe I live in a state that does not have an official gemstone ? ! All the surrounding states do , but not Virginia . Tennessee and Kentucky have the same gemstone - - freshwater pearls . I live in a coal mining region , and the black diamond above looks a lot like coal . Yes , I think that would work out quite well . I could live with one of these on my finger - - to honor the state , of course : I survived the field trip yesterday . It was fun , but I think I 'm getting too old for these all day field trips ! I 've been in a fog all day . We went to an amusement park a couple of hours from home , Dollywood . The kids had a blast , and my daredevil daughter rode 4 roller coasters . She certainly doesn 't get that from me . I was the bag lady all day . I watched everyone 's stuff while they rode rides . I did win a huge stuffed pink flamingo , though ! One of the kids in the group said I bet out him and two five - year - olds to get it . Hey , it was a PINK FLAMINGO ! You 've gotta do what you 've gotta do ! I stayed out of the little shops there , which took a lot of willpower . However , I did stumble into this little place that had stones for sale . They were very inexpensive , and I can see them wrapped with wire , hanging from a delicate chain . I wound up with pink agate , quartz crystal , sodalite , amethyst , adventurine , and one other that I think I forgot to pick up information on . Oh , well . They also had quite a few unpolished stones , which would have also been interesting . Probably should have picked a couple up . We have a softball game this evening , but I 'm fantasizing about going to bed early . Probably won 't happen , but I sure do need it ! Posted by I honestly think I could work for days on end straight and still not finish all I need to . I 'm supposed to work in the concession stand at tonight 's ball game , but it 's been raining a good part of the day , so I 'm desperately hoping the game will be canceled . Ordinarily I wouldn 't mind , but Hannah has a big field trip tomorrow and we 're leaving early . It 's going to be a very long day , so I need to spend this evening getting everything I need to take ready , and try to get in bed at a decent hour . There 's absolutely no chance of that happening if I 'm at the ball field all evening . Got my fingers crossed ! Today is my mom 's birthday . We 're planning a small party with the family on Friday evening , but today I sent her flowers . Happy birthday , Mom ! Posted by I have a lot of items in my etsy shop right now . And , if they 're in my etsy shop , that also means they 're stored at my house taking up space ! So , I have decided to have a sale ! Use the coupon code SUMMER12 to receive 15 % off and , as always , free shipping ! I sat down at my beading table ( a . k . a . the dining room table ) last night to try to get started on a set for a friend of mine . She wanted something pink , green and white - - something springy . I put things together , took them apart , and finally decided to make wrapped loops with some of the beads . I didn 't get too far , but this is my start . Not sure I like the camera on my new BlackBerry . Seems like my old one took better pictures . I guess I 'll go back to using a regular camera for the blog . I like the convenience of the phone , but the quality isn 't nearly as good . He is the sweetest thing . If anyone is looking for a dog , I highly recommend a Bichon Frise . They 're so friendly and sweet , and he fits in perfectly with our family . I never really wanted an indoor dog , but he 's just perfect and seems like one of the kids ! Off to the ball field for a softball tournament . Thankfully this one is at home , which makes it very convenient . Hope the girls have fun ! Posted by She 's here now ! Evangeline Colbie was born yesterday , joining big brother Elliott . Isn 't she absolutely beautiful ? Looks like a little angel , but apparently created a bit of a ruckus in the nursery last night and wound up getting kicked out ! Poor thing wasn 't even 24 hours old and was already getting herself into trouble ! I have to say I 'm quite proud of her ! I had planned to announce her birth last night , but by the time I rushed from work to the ball field for a double header , and then got everything lined out at home for the day , I didn 't think another thing about it until I was snuggled up in bed . No games tonight , thank goodness ! Maybe I can get a little work done on some beading projects . Posted by I bought this piece from a friend of mine who was selling this particular brand of jewelry ( which shall remain nameless ) . Since she was selling some of the pieces she had bought herself , I don 't know if there were earrings available to match or not . Didn 't matter . I decided this necklace needed more than a plain pair of hoops or studs , so I dug into my bead stash and came up with these : They 're a very close match to the necklace . Forgive the slightly blurry earring picture . I got a new BlackBerry at work today and I was fiddling around with the camera . The phone is different - - it has both a touch screen and a keyboard . I think I 'll like it once I get used to it . New phones are always fun to play with ! I do need to get a skin for it because I 'm notorious for dropping my phones and the skins have saved many a phone ! The smaller crystals have different colors running through each of them - - one crystal has pink accents , another blue . . . The larger crystals at the top of the earrings are a dark blue that gradually lightens into gray and white . They remind me of storms at the beach , and are absolutely beautiful ! Perfect for this nice , rainy day . Yesterday we went on a field trip with Katie to a state park in a neighboring county . After we left , we stopped by Cumberland Gap , which was well worth the trip ! It has to be one of the most beautiful places I 've ever been . For those of you who do not know where it 's located , here 's a hint : Most of these are for a set I 'm making for a good friend of mine . I can 't wait to use the Vintaj leaves in a pair of earrings , and I loved the seed bead colors . I haven 't yet decided what to do with the owl pendant , but you can never have too much owl jewelry ! You know , it really takes talent to injure yourself sleeping , but I managed to do that last night . Now there 's a spot in my lower neck / upper back that hurts whenever I move or take a step . I think this calls for a heating pad and a nap . Unfortunately , Hannah has a game tonight , so I 'm not getting either ! Tomorrow is field trip day with Katie 's 4th grade class . We 're going to a state park . I 'm not exactly an outdoorsy person , but hopefully the scenery will be inspiring . I decided to enter the Beadaholique May Challenge bead contest today . The challenge this month is " May Flowers " , so I entered these earrings : The top 10 finalists will be announced May 31 and then the public voting begins . I hate the waiting game ! This is the first time I 've entered this , so we 'll see what happens . I shipped my necklace to Bead Trends today . So exciting , but nerve wracking , too , for some reason . I can 't show you the necklace , but I will show you the bracelet and earrings I made to match it . Two things I love tonight : the colors of these beads , and the earwires . I love this shade of blue , and it 's so summery paired with the yellow and white . Very cheery ! I also love the earwires because extra beads can be added as accents - - like these blue and yellow seed beads . These earrings are fast , simple , and they make me smile ! I was finally able to successfully make a beaded bezel . I 've been wanting to do this for a long time , and have attempted it before , only to wind up frustrated . I think the mistake I made before was not using two sizes of seed beads , which all instructions I 've read clearly say to do ! I guess sometimes doing what you 're supposed to pays off ! I was looking through some seashells tonight and found some rocks from the beach , smoothed by the surf . While not perfectly round , I still decided to give beading a bezel for one of them a try . My original thought was to make a pair for earrings , but I think it might look good as a pendant on an illusion necklace . Or , it might also look good on a multi strand necklace , made of seed beads and small pearls . Something to ponder . . . Some people can combine all sorts of colors that you wouldn 't think would look together , and make something that looks wonderful . I 've never felt like one of those people . I feel like I tend to play a little safe when it comes to color combinations . I 've tried to break out of my safe place a little lately , and here are a few of my color combination favorites : I love the spring - y feel to this purple and green crystal bracelet . The picture simply does not do justice to the sparkle in this bracelet . These pieces , and more , can be found in my etsy shop . I received some wonderful news last night . One of my necklaces has been chosen for the October issue of Bead Trends magazine ! This will be my first magazine project and I 'm beyond excited ! I checked my email in bed last night and found the email . I assumed it was a " thanks , but no thanks " email , so you can imagine how I felt when i saw that they had accepted my project . I was so keyed up I didn 't think I 'd ever be able to go to sleep ! This is something I 've been dreaming about for a long time , and now it 's happening . Guess that 's one thing I can mark off my bucket list ! I 've got a really bad habit of hoarding beads . I don 't think I 'm the only beader who does this , but there are certain beads I get that I just can 't seem to use right away . A friend of mine got this pendant when I bought mine : When she mentioned to her husband that she wanted to make sure she did something she really liked with it he said " can 't you just cut it apart if you don 't like it ? " . Obviously he 's not a beader . That would be too simple . Of course you can cut pieces apart and start over . But , it 's more fun to obsess for a while about what to make and then get it right the first time ! Here are a couple other pieces I 'm hoarding : Today was Katie 's last day of fiddle lessons until fall . The kids gave a little recital for the parents , and did a great job ! Here 's my little fiddler in action : I have been making jewelry since 2007 , but have been in love with accessories for as long as I can remember ! I live in the Appalachian Mountains in southwestern Virginia and work at a local college . I live with my husband , two daughters , and very spoiled Bichon Frise .
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Before May hits . Arrives . Whichever you want to call it . So , I 've been sick this week , which has led to not much blogging , because there is not much interesting to say about being sick . Except this : It 's my bad luck to get sick during a national panic attack . Seriously . I had my nose & throat swabbed ( fun ! ) and had to wait around to see if anything came back positive ( it didn 't ) . If the flu test had been positive , it would have gone to the local Department of Health , and if it was the correct type of positive there , then it would have gone to the CDC in Atlanta . The thought of the CDC examining the contents of my nose was not a happy one . Thankfully , I am flu - and strep - free , and therefore mostly capable of going to work . And I have hopes of a full recovery by Sunday , because I don 't want to take DayQuil on my birthday . So , I have another post cooking about my current quilt project . Stay tuned . To kick off my environmentally - & budget - friendly blogging , I 'm going to give a little review of a product I 'm currently using : Palmolive Eco . As with many things in my life , I came upon this version of Palmolive by accident ; I usually buy my detergent at the Dollar General , but on this particular evening I was already at the supermarket and thought that buying detergent from them once in a while won 't bankrupt me . So , I looked for the cheapest name - brand gel that was available , and this was it . We rinse our dishes before loading them in the dishwasher , so I haven 't had the problems with food stuck on the dishes that people in Spokane , where phosphate - free detergent is the only choice available , are having . But , we do have hard water , so some of my utensils have looked like this : I 've seen a little bit of the white film on a couple other things , but it is particularly noticeable on my black utensils . It may also be the texture of the utensils ; they are smooth , but not glossy . Just by way of comparison : The cup on the left came out of the same load of dishes that the above - pictured measuring cup & spoon . It is glossy , so the white film doesn 't seem to stick . The cup on the right is from the same set as the one in the previous picture , but I haven 't used it in a couple of weeks , so it has not yet been washed in the Palmolive Eco . I happened to have a few things that needed to be hand washed sitting in the sink , so I popped in the measuring cup and the spoon . After washing ( with Palmolive hand washing soap ) , this is how they came out : Still some while film , but not nearly as much as before . My verdict ? Well , phosphate - free is coming , whether you are ready for it or not ; in the summer of 2010 , quite a few states are banning detergents with phosphates from sale . This blog will tell you more about which states as well as giving some hope ; the detergent makers are still trying to perfect their formula and get our dishes cleaner . Will I use Palmolive Eco again ? Probably not any time soon . Even at a promotional price , it is As said by : Okay , after a series of long posts , I 'm going to give you a short one - - just a little account of my bicycle - enabled shopping trip today . First of all , why are all the drivers glaring at me ? I 'm really not in their way . Maybe it is because my bike can go places their cars can 't . Had a brief encounter with a car full of idiot 20 - somethings . I thought at first that they might be idiot teens , but no , they certainly had the look of older , rather than younger , idiots . Good to know people can be idiots for as many decades as they like . At the risk of sounding insensitive , my bike has enough tics and quirks to be in the psych ward . I forgot my chain , but anyone stealing that thing deserves what they get . A trip to Hobby Lobby makes everything better . Hobby Lobby is like chocolate without the calories . The limit on how many times you can drop ear buds on the floor and still expect them to work is three . Once you get to four , they quit . And finally , in case you were wondering , a brand - new laptop bag can , in fact , be sucked into the gap between the wheel and the bike frame . So , before I owned the thing for five minutes , I had already inflicted damage upon it . At least I 'll grab the correct bag in security at the airport . We had a women 's retreat on Friday evening ( okay , more like a women 's evening than retreat . Whatever . ) , which I all but forgot about in all the excitement on Saturday . I won 't bother with the blow - by - blow recap , because I know it 's just not that interesting to read about an event you weren 't at . If you really , really want to know , I 'm happy to oblige . The event title was " Daughters of Eve , " with the theme being stewardship . First round was stewardship of the earth ; second round was stewardship of our bodies . Both of these are topics in which I am particuarly interested , as regular readers have probably already learned . So I did giggle a bit at the environmental portion of the evening ; I come from a family that was into conservation long before conservation was cool . It goes with the low - income territory . Things that people now find remarkable ( " Hey , we can use this butter tub for leftovers ! " " Don 't throw out that bag ; it can be re - used . " " Put those vegetable peelings into the compost bin . " ) are things that my grandparents , and probably all their friends , did in the ' 50s . Who knew that the rest of society would catch up ? I guess this is Earth week , based on the number of websites and TV stations that are all greened up . Which works out nicely , because I 've been contemplating an earth - friendly blog series of my own . Mostly for my own amusement , of course , but also in case anyone is wondering about such things as phosphate - free dishwasher detergent . Stay tuned . Anyway , this post was supposed to be about the retreat . It was a great evening , with fellowship and laughter as well as good messages from all . And to think that womens ' events used to be boring ! They have gotten much more fun in recent years . Or maybe I 've gotten more fun . So , in my previous post , I mentioned going on a 40 - year wilderness trek in search of Moses , and that we might need search & rescue . I was not being serious . But I think I was the one who jinxed us . Sorry guys ! Here then , split into a few posts for easier reading , is the blow - by - blowout account of our trip , written pretty much as it happened : So our trip to Monahans started off as expected ; we headed out at about 8 : 45 , the kids were reviewing for the competition , adults reading or chatting , and our intrepid bus driver ( Chad ) was , well , intrepidly driving . We stopped off in Seminole for a break , then continued on . Just a few miles outside of Andrews ( at around 10 AM ) , we heard a bang ! , which we wrote off as being a rock . Ha ! If only . Barely a mile later , the bus took on a very alarming shimmy , so Chad got us off the road and stopped as quickly as he could ( and safely , it should be pointed out ) . He & the other men up front hopped off in short order to investigate , rapidly followed by me , and pretty much all the boys on the bus . Our front tire was gone . Except it wasn 't , because it had wrapped itself around - okay , I 'm not into cars . It was wrapped around whatever that metal thing is . And said metal thing was bent . So , the men swung into action getting the bus jacked up , investigating , realising we didn 't have a spare tire , taking the bent metal thing off , and all the other stuff men do on occasions like this . The kids , meanwhile , thought this was the best event ever and were running around , playing with sticks , kicking up dirt , collecting bits of tire , and otherwise making their mothers crazy . It was up to me to phone the other bus and get them to come back , because they had been far enough in front to not notice that we had stopped ( the other two vehicles in the caravan did stop ) . Actually , it wasn 't entirely up to me , because about three people tried to get the other driver via calls & text , but since the other driver was , you know , driving , he didn 't notice . I tried a different tact , though : I called his wifeAs said by : Two hours , one long stop at a Ford dealership , and a one and one - half pizzas gratefully accepted from the car dealer ( motivated to some extent , I think , by his desire to see some repeat business from at least one of these men ) , and we 're headed out of Odessa en route to Monahans . Also , a few phone calls have been fielded from mothers eager to share the news of their children 's accomplishments with fathers who stayed behind to see the church bus put back together properly . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Arrived safely at 3 : 45ish . Greeted graciously by the ladies of 3rd & Dwight , who provided good sandwiches , kool - ade & cookies that are almost as good as my Grandma 's . Much discussion ensued between the adults - early - and late - arrivals - about the necessity for clearer directions on the pre - trip inspection sheet in regards to the location of the spare tire for the buses ( in the trailer that we didn 't bring with us ) . General fat - chewing and laughter of reunion between friends who last saw each other three hours ago . I 've mentioned in Bible bowl posts from the past that our kids are always so well - behaved and fun to be around on this trip , and despite not being with them for four - ish hours of the trip , I have to say they came through for us again . More on that later . We arrived at Monahans in time for the final round , which we did not see , since we were in the foyer yakking . Then was some singing time for the kids while the kind people at Monahans tallied the scores , prepared packets for the coaches , and probably had a strong cup of coffee . Okay , maybe they didn 't do that , but I certainly would have ! This competition is my favourite by far , and it is due to the hard work that the church in Monahans puts into making sure everything runs smoothly . And despite all that hard work , they still have enough energy on Saturday to be gracious and friendly hosts all day long , and tolerate 100 + children running round their building like banshees ( we did try to discourage the indoor running ! ) Anyway ! Our pal Morgan was doing the songleading , and he did a fantastic job . Before he went in , I strongly requested as many action songs as possible to get the kids tired ! He agreed , but it didn 't work . Oh , well , thanks anyway , Morgan . So South Plains brought home some trophies for individuals and teams . I 'm telling you , these kids work HARD . They all do . I was a high school Bible bowler , and I thought that I studied early and late , but the SP elementary kids have me beat . I am totally impressed by their hard work , and the effort the teachers put in . All that work is paid off , not in bringing home hardware to add to our collection , but in seeing the kids learn the Bible . Even the kids that seem like they are paying the least attention have a tendency to delight us when put to it , and answer questions correctly when they might have been expected to miss . These are some great kids . So , long day ( 8 AM - 11 PM ) , fun , long periods of sitting still , excitement & emotions from winning awards , eating at a fun restaurant - - it all adds up to this : These kids are not falling asleep any time soon . We ate dinner in Odessa ( My apologies to Texas Roadhouse for starting a mini - riot at our table . My apologies to future Bible bowlers if you aren 't allowed back to Texas Roadhouse . My apologies to parents for getting your daughters all riled up . If anyone else would like an apology , let me know . ) , then headed for Lubbock . Let me put it this way : Our bus was LOUD . Riled up , indeed . They swapped stories , they played Truth or Dare ( until I ordered them to stop ; it was getting a bit out of hand ) , they sang , they poked each other , they bounced out of their seats until Chad asked me to enforce the wearing of seat belts . But finally , after a final load - up of sugar in Seminole , the noise level dropped down , and the kids ( and I ! ) fell asleep . I think one of them stayed awake , but she wasn 't making any noise , so I didn 't notice . Lest you think I am - - or was - - upset with the kids in any way , I assure you that nothing could be further from the truth . I have a hard time being on my best behaviour for 15 hours ( as those who are regularly around me will probably tell you ) , and I 'm nearly 31 years old . How much harder is it for 9 - to 12 - year - olds ? All that pent - up energy ; we probably needed to drive to the nearest running track and let them work off some steam for 20 minutes before heading home . ( Hey , we were late anyway ; why not ? ) So , tire drama notwithstanding , the trip was great . I bet I sleep good tonight . After promising ( three years in a row now ! ) that we were done with Bible bowl forever , we are once again going on a Bible bowl trip . Tomorrow , we are taking a 40 - year trek into the desert to see if we can find Moses . Or , maybe the trip to Monahans only seems like a 40 - year trek . It 's three hours away , but the scenery leaves much to be desired . However , once we get there , the church is so friendly and they do host a great competition . If you don 't hear from me for three days , send out search & rescue . So if you are purchasing bottled water between now & August 31st , please consider buying Volvic . Why , you ask ? According to the label , " For every litre of Volvic that you purchase from April 1 to August 31 , Volvic will make a donation to UNICEF to provide a minimum of 10 litres of clean water to children in Africa . " Sounds like a good use of my bottled - water purchasing money to me . For more information , go here . Volvic will be making a minimum donation of $ 250 , 000 this year , but I think we can make that number go higher , don 't you ? I am not a champion of many causes . When it comes to me vs . the rest of the world , I mostly just want the people I care about to love Jesus , and while you 're at it , why don 't you give healthy living a chance . That 's it . But I read this article about an Iranian blogger who died in prison , and felt compelled to write about it . To champion this man 's cause in my own small way . To at least acknowledge that a human life has been uselessly lost . He was just a blogger , writing about life . He had a small audience . But from time to time his frustration with the government got the better of him , and he wrote about it . So he was arrested , tried and imprisoned for " insulting " the government in his blog . We 've always had free speech , so I sometimes forget that there are those who do not . Ditto on freedom of religion & freedom of the press . And when one hears continual stories of death and devestation around the world , it is far too easy to become calloused and unfeeling towards those who suffer . But he was just a blogger . Like me . Trying to educate the world about daily life in his country . I would read his blog , but it 's been shut down . But there are other Iranians who blog , other people in oppressed countries who are reaching out to the world just to let us know about their lives . They are human , just as I am . They are communicators , just as I strive to be . That 's why I want to read their blogs . So Lent was a struggle for me this year . I managed to keep a grand total of none of my resolutions for the whole six weeks . What was the problem , I wonder ? Perhaps I have done it so many times it feels rote and I 've lost interest . Perhaps it was the lack of prior planning ( I started thinking about what I would do for Lent on Shrove Tuesday ; that 's a bit late ) . Perhaps it was because I was doing it by myself this year ; I usually have a friend or two who is in on the journey with me . Perhaps I 've made Lent some mystical , magical thing and the day - to - day reality was too much for me . Or maybe it was because I 've disconnected Lent from the context in which it is celebrated . I may be hindering my own efforts because I 'm not in a high church and therefore don 't really get all the special days that fall within this six weeks . Perhaps taking Lent out of the church calendar and celebrating it on my own makes about as much sense as wearing my earbuds without plugging them into my iPod . Maybe I should call a do - over . Maybe I should evaluate why I do Lent every year . Maybe next year I should skip Lent , just to see what it is like . And maybe in a year 's time all this wondering will seem as silly as when I re - read the things I wrote in high school and giggle at my 16 - year - old perception of the world . Perhaps my 30 - year - old view of Lent isn 't quite ready for real world testing . But for all my failures and shortcomings these past six weeks , I have felt myself more aware of the Lord , more open to his work in my life , more eager to fellowship with his people . So I do not feel that I have wasted my time . And that 's my final word on Easter . Until next year . As previously mentioned , I do not attend a high church . So the events of Easter are a bit of a mystery to me . I went to an Ash Wednesday service this year for the first time . I 've been celebrating Lent since I was 12 . I 've attended a Tenebrae service and a sunrise service . I 've participated in an Easter - weekend fast . But all of these things , when taken separately and out of their normal context as a part of church life , are merely events . Cool things to do and talk about for a bit with friends , before deciding what to do with my Sunday afternoon . By not acknowledging the church calendar , I think I , and those around me , have shortchanged ourselves just a bit . We don 't take this season any more seriously than any other . We don 't spend the six weeks leading up to this one Sunday preparing heart , mind and body for the celebration that is to come . We don 't take this time to ponder just how much the cost to Jesus was . ( Those should be activities that we take part in all the time , not just during Lent . ) But I wonder if a period to specifically refocus on Jesus and spend six weeks - six weeks ! - considering him would be good for all of us . I know it has been a blessing for me . I think it is probably time for Christians of all types to stop trying to disassociate ourselves from what every other Christian group is doing , and start looking at what we could learn from one another . It may be that the church across the street has ideas that would only lead to growth in my love for Jesus . Easter is a holiday of paradoxes . On this day - this whole week , really - we find a time for seriousness and celebration , for joy and for solemnity . For reflection , and for merrymaking . Those around us who do not believe in , or do not care about , Jesus ' sacrifice for us , see this weekend as a time to load up on candy , or perhaps enjoy a day off work . They shake their heads in wonder about how Easter moves around every year . They may buy a new outfit for spring or dust off the white shoes for summer . And they probably wonder why churches make such a fuss over one little Sunday out of the year . In all fairness , some Christians wonder that , too . I do not belong to a high church . We acknowledge Easter by having an egg hunt for the children , and the little ones get a special Resurrection lesson . Otherwise , it 's worship as usual . : ) And to some extent , worship as usual is a good thing ! I don 't look at this one season as the time to especially focus on Jesus ' redeeming work , because that is an ongoing process all the time . We should celebrate Jesus every Sunday . There is no need to skimp on our praise and adoration the other 51 weeks of the year . For the Christian , one 's whole life is a celebration , a ( perhaps ) decades - long tribute to the One who died so that we may live . There is no need to save up all that joy and adoration for one Sunday a year . So , for my Easter Sunday , I sang songs of praise with joy in my heart . I reflected on what Jesus did as I participated in the Lord 's Supper . I watched others worship and thought about how blessed I am to have such a church family . You know . Worship as usual . I ran my favourite distance today - 10K . I LOVE 10Ks . Usually . I also love to be warm . I 'd rather be too hot than too cold , except when running , when I 'd like to be a touch cool at the beginning so that I 'm nice and warm once I get going . But , the temps were in the low 40s this morning , and the wind was blowing somewhere around 20 mph . And I was wearing shorts . The race director made a joke at the beginning about this not being a day for PRs , we all laughed , and I totally agreed - - and not just because of the weather . I haven 't done much in the way of speedwork the past couple of months ; in fact , I 've slacked off on all my running the past couple of weeks . So , I was out for the fun of it . My PR was 1 : 03 : 17 , and I was just hoping to get under 1 : 10 : 00 today . ( BTW : It took me until mile 4 to get warm . And by then I was nearly done . ) Chad ran the 2 - mile race today , so he was waiting for me just before the 6 - mile mark and ran in with me . He told me that I was still under one hour . I thought he was exaggerating . I could see the 6 - mile marker , so I started forwarding my iPod to the song I like to finish to ( Scotland the Brave ) , since it is a few minutes long . I had to hit " next " several times before I got to it , so I thought I had loaded too many songs on my iPod . We rounded a couple of corners before getting to the finish , and I saw the clock - - it said 1 : 02 : 30 . I said , " Oh my gosh , you are KIDDING me ! " before kicking it in and sprinting to the finish line as hard as I could go . Result : New PR - - 1 : 02 : 54 . Wow . The running club president said , " Imagine what you could do in good weather ! " Oh , I 'm imagining , all right . We have another 10K in two months ' time . This PR will not stand for long . So I finally allowed myself to be talked into joining Facebook . And I 'm all zooming along , thinking how kind it is of Facebook to suggest people I may know to add to my friends , when up pops this message about how I am engaging in annoying and / or abusive behaviour . What is really a bummer about that is this : I had finally gotten to the people I actually went on to Facebook to connect with in the first place . And now I 've been stopped . Dang ! However , we have 1 ) no bread and 2 ) no margarine . I 'm not sure if you 've spotted the problem here . In fact , we don 't have much food in our kitchen at all ; our refrigerator looks like we 've had a pre - Thanksgiving clean - out . I guess we decided that this was not the week we were going to spend money on groceries . Or something . I have oatmeal & tea & a splash of milk ( seriously , that 's all the milk we have ) for my pre - race breakfast tomorrow , though , so it 's all good . And I suppose that means I have a following . Brilliant ! If I manage to drum up another follower , then I will claim to have minions . Mwah hah hah ! Coming this weekend : It 's the End of Lent , and What Have You ( I ) Done ? I was about to write off my favourite TV shows - - NCIS and Criminal Minds - - because they both had a sluggish start to this season . But boy , have things picked up lately . They 've got me hooked all over again . Anyway . . . today was National Start ! Walking Day . No , I don 't know why there is an exclamation point in the middle of the phrase . I didn 't write it . But I celebrated by cycling 4 miles more than usual . Anyone else celebrating ? So it struck me the other day that I don 't hear many prayers for peace . It 's not like I was around for them , of course , but what I hear and read from all the wars of the 20th century is that God 's people were continually praying for peace . But upon reflection , all the prayers for peace that I 've heard in the last few years were from old people . In other words , people who have been there and done that before . For this war , though , I 've heard lots of praying for our soldiers , lots of praying for our leaders ( both good ideas , mind you ! ) , but not much just for peace . So now I 'm praying for peace . I only wish it had occurred to me a few years sooner . Feel free to join in . And for your viewing enjoyment , the cast of M * A * S * H does just that : I am trying desperately to write shorter posts , because I have been assured by many that no one likes to read long blog posts . Apparently the fact that I enjoy typing long posts is irrelevant . So , in what I hope is the first of many attempts to be both economically and ecologically friendly , I 've decided to stop buying paper towels . We have plenty of old shirts that are no longer suited for wearing or giving away . So , they have all been relegated to the " rag bag " ( although it 's not a bag ) to be used for all our cleaning needs . Right now I 'm trying to see if it is possible in my own life to live within a low budget while being a good steward of the planet , all while owning as little stuff as possible . I 'll keep you posted . And I have done , ever since I was a toddler and he was a 20 - something teenager on Family Ties . It was a sad day for me when I was about 9 or something and heard that he was not only happily married , but also much too old for me . Anyway , so I 'm watching him on Letterman . And it makes me sad that Parkinson disease is wreaking such havoc on him . However , I do appreciate his willingness to use his own position to help those likewise afflicted who don 't have a household name . And I 'm running along to my local library with all due haste to check out Always Looking Up . I managed to get through the whole of April Fool 's Day with only one joke being attempted on me - - and fortunately , I caught on before I started tearing out my hair . ( The joke involved a road trip with a bunch of 4th - 6th grade students . Yikes ! ) I didn 't bother trying to hand any out , though . . . I must have run out of creativity . I passed along one of my brother 's favourites - - Vaseline on the doorknobs - - to a coworker , who intended to try it on her children . My brother always thought April 1 was the day he could do whatever he wanted to the rest of the family and get away with it . Silly brother - - he could do that any day of the year . : ) Make that Uber - comfortable . These are the Best . Shoes . Ever . Mizuno , you can make them puke - green with booger - coloured accents for all I care , just keep up the good work . " If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live , I wouldn 't brood . I 'd type a little faster . " ~ Isaac Asimov
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A few years ago , my oldest asked what we believed in . This is one of those questions for the non - committal - not - religious mom that causes paralysis . It 's similar to the paralysis that I assume occurs with the ' Where do babies come from ? ' for the sexually - repressed - told - she 'd - catch - on - fire - for - masturbating mom . However , it 's impossible to answer a question of faith with a stork philosophy . It 's just not that easy . What do we believe in ? This kind of thing had come up once before when she was pretty small . Her sister was an infant . We were in the car and she started talking about what she 'd heard about the second coming . I shared my thoughts about my belief in the unlikelihood of this occurrence . We discussed it for a moment and then I was able to steer the conversation to the question of whether she 'd like to listen to Willie Nelson or Bob Dylan for the rest of the drive . She chose Willie and we moved on . She was in first grade at public school when the question of religion came back into play . Her friends had asked her what church she went to . I could tell she needed to have an answer . We decided to attend the Unitarian Church a couple of times . I have several friends that are active there . It 's diverse and focused on social justice . They have an arts program . They meditate . However , laziness set in and we eventually opted to sleep in on Sunday mornings . Our church tended to be the Saturday night potluck or late night movie church of hanging out . But going to the Unitarian Church those few times gave her an answer to give her peers and that 's all she needed at the time . This same question of belief has continued to pop up here and there . My youngest girl doesn 't really ask but she listens when discussion leads that way . I 've tried to answer the question of religious faith to the best of my ability and allow both my girls to have an open door to make their own choices about God . I look for ways to be both open minded and socially acceptable . One way I found was to latch on to a line off a toPosted by I rearrange furniture when I 'm stressed or about to start my period . Probably too much information but there 's something about rearranging furniture that is comforting to me . I think that I hold hope in the possibility of rearranging my life with this furniture . If I move the television maybe I will unlock some door to my ultimate creativity and success . I know . It doesn 't really work that way but I still think it might . One day I 'll move the sofa and some unimaginable revelation within the universe will shine its light on me . I 'll get a big deal film gig . I 'll find true love . I 'll lose 20 pounds . Something . Tonight , I rearranged the furniture . The girls made maps on scrap paper where they thought things would go after I reestablished the room . I took the television out . My oldest found this to be almost unbearable . Now don 't think I 'm opposed to television . Each girl has a television with a DVD player in their room and there are times I insist they go watch a movie . We don 't have cable , though . You can blame that rude Hannah Montana for that one . I don 't have the energy to monitor what they watch and the Disney Channel is full of a bunch of rude tarts . That 's just my opinion . Anyhow , television isn 't that sexy without cable but that 's how it is around here . I moved the television from the living room into my room and moved a big magnificent piece of art to the living room . The oldest said she didn 't know anyone who didn 't have a television in the living room and she didn 't think we could even call it the living room anymore . I argued that we couldn 't call it the TV room anymore but we could certainly call it the living room . She thinks I 'm half nerd half superhero . I like it like that . The youngest was too focused on where she thought our guitars should go and didn 't care two flips about the television . My ex - husband and his new wife are selling the house that I moved into when I got married . It 's the house that I had my children in . It 's the house I got married in . It Posted by A friend of mine called her post - divorce / raising small kids years , " the dark ages " . It 's seems like struggle is the word of the day , every day . Still , it 's good . It 's good mainly because it could be a lot worse . I suppose it 's boring not to struggle . We all sit with our worries and try to make the best of it . Yesterday and today have been challenging for me . There 's no time to mow the yard . There 's no time to mop the floor . There 's no time for mindless television watching in a clean house with all work done and chores complete . There 's not enough money to pay every bill on time . The girls don 't want to go to bed , they don 't want to get up . They don 't want to eat this , they don 't want to drink that . It 's a constant negotiation . It 's exhausting . I don 't have time to take a walk . Still , it 's good because it could be a lot worse . I was driving home from taking my daughters to school today and tried to save a dog . I couldn 't convince this dog to get in my car . He was a collie and beautiful . Well , he would have been beautiful had he been groomed . He was very matted and appeared to be blind . He was limping . At first , I drove past him with voices in my head of people I never want to listen to saying that I couldn 't stop and help this dog . " What business do you have bringing another animal home ? How will you afford the vet bill ? How could you help a blind limping animal ? What if this filthy animal hates children , cats and other dogs ? What if this dog has rabies and bites you ? " Well , I couldn 't help this dog because I couldn 't catch him . Running after a strange animal through the backyards of strangers was clearly not going to be successful . I let it go . I walked back to my car and drove home . It made me feel very sad that I could not help this dog . I go home , I shower and head to my 10am appointment . I actually had two 10am appointments because I am scattered . But they were both at the same place , making it silly but doable . While driving down Edgewood Avenue , I notice a man Posted by School is in . A friend with a brand new kindergartener posted on Facebook that " There is a 5am as well as a 5pm . " . This was a revelation but not the good sort . As a parent with school age children , it is shocking to realize that getting multiple persons up in the morning ( and this includes yourself ) requires an obscenely early start . You know it 's going to be hard but you don 't really get it until you are doing it . It 's just not the same as pre - school . The ' big ' school has such things as homework and projects and tardy slips . You should not be holding a Pop Tart when you arrive and neither should your child . I set my alarm for 5 : 30 generally . It depends on how the night before goes . Sometimes it is earlier . I have to be completely battle ready when I rouse the troops . They are usually not pleased . We are two weeks in and have been on time so far . I did hear one story of a tardy child escorted into his room by his dad and he received " Oh look class , little Tommy 's Dad has brought Tommy to school late . " It 's harsh people . These elementary school teachers have no time to mess with it . A mom friend of mine recently confessed she was scared of her daughter 's kindergarten teacher last year . She didn 't realize it until the anxiety crept in as this school year approached . So I get up extra early to mentally prepare myself for the clothing , food , toothpaste , hair - brushing campaign that must be successful for us to arrive without incident . Or at least , without Mommy being called out for the whole tardy business and my girls with matching shoes on their feet . I play a little Madeleine Peyroux in the mornings or some Joni Mitchell or Corrine Bailey Rae . It 's as gentle as I can go to set the mood as I usher them from dreamland to you - have - to - get - out - of - your - cozy - bed now land . Sometimes I confess that I do play Beck . This morning I rewarded the first girl done with breakfast a trip to the backyard to look at the full moon lingering in the sky . This is what is good about the morning when the air is jSometimes you have to leave the moon . At the beginning of the school year there is a flurry of activity that centers around volunteers . I don 't mean the Tennessee Volunteers , I mean who will do traffic duty . Usually each class has a Room Parent . At our school , it 's all moms . However , I do know of at least two dads in kindergarten this year that are breaking rank to volunteer in the classroom . It 's like they are charging the Red Rover line . I think it 's about time for that . We have a Mothers Day Tea and a Fathers Day lunch at our school . The mothers prepare both . Red Rover , Red Rover , won 't you come over ? My youngest is in kindergarten . She 's very cute and happy about it . Tomorrow she gets to go through the cafeteria line for the first time . We 've gone over the menu and I 've reiterated that the fish wedge is just like a fish stick except it is a triangle . We 've talked about this a lot . The cafeteria causes the littlest girl some amount of stress because she is a picky eater . She likes white and yellowish foods . No vegetables . No fruits . Very little protein and only if it 's breaded . This causes mom and big sis some amount of stress because we are eaters of all things . We both try to encourage the littlest one but she holds her ground . She won 't even eat brownies . Forget about broccoli . The biggest is in the 4th grade , which shares a hallway with the 5th grade . She 's an upperclassman . This is evident in the snarky greeting I get after school each day . The days of her joyously hugging me in the afternoon are over . It takes her about 30 minutes before she feels like " talking about it " , meaning school . She declared to her grandmother that the 4th grade would be the " Year of Fashion " . Oh no . I was in a meeting with another mom earlier today who was telling me about her 5th grade son who just got his heart broken by his girlfriend from the 4th grade . I don 't think my girl is interested in boys yet . This is my hope since I was a late bloomer . I feel like I 'm entering the days of paybackSeptember represents school but it also represents birthdays for our family . Both girls were born in September . The school / birthday combo represents growing up more this year than before . It 's good but it 's noticed . I always tell them the story of their birth and we look at baby pictures and our lovely dear friend Peggy ( Magpies Bakery ) makes them super special cakes . Along with their dad , their stepmom , family and friends we party all month long . It 's a wonderful month but it 's also the path to their growing up . I am glad they still want to hold hands sometimes . I remember my friend Heather holding hands with her mother in the mall when we were in high school . Her mother was British . I took that to be the reason for such strange behavior . Maybe that 's how they do things across the pond . I had never seen such PDA with mothers and daughters who are practically grown . I think of that moment a lot now that my girls are getting bigger . I wonder what I can do that will keep their little hands in mine even when they are big hands . I guess I 'll just cross my fingers and show them the moon as often as I can . September is a big deal . Posted by We arrived home from vacation at roughly 2am . The kids didn 't go to sleep in the car until well after midnight . Emma Jean tried . She has this habit of sleep bitching . It 's kind of like sleep terrors … except it 's bitching . So while Lucy Maye and Squirrel are plotting a world take over with the DS , occasionally EJ would wake up in a terrible bitch session . It would already be in play in her dream cycle . This would lead the older kids to criticize her and then she 'd really get going . At some point it would turn truly sad and the littlest kid ( Emma Jean ) would be left holding her arms out and crying " Mommy " . Mommy , that 's me , sat shotgun and two seats forward trying to console her and tell her to please be quiet and go back to sleep at the same time . At some point , Squirrel ( the next to littlest ) got a headache that was like a hole in his head . The oldest kid Liam , Squirrel 's brother , was trying to keep it together by staring at everyone . The center of the group , Lucy Maye , who now has a nickname of 20 Questions , would just make definitive statements about how things were driving her crazy . I finally declared that next one to talk had to give me five dollars . That worked for a while . I turned to Preston with the immortal question , " How did the Brady Bunch do this ? " He said that they never went on any road trips except Hawaii . Now , granted , we aren 't a blended family . But we are good friends and tend to tribe up on occasion . I have a fantasy about this art colony where these very eclectic adults ( including Preston and hopefully me ) with these very eclectic kids get together for months at a time to do their thing and the kids all work it out and have a great time and the parents are productive and artistically brilliant and we all work all day and then make great dinners and catch fireflies and get written up in the New Yorker for be cool Southern . The trip to the beach was sort of that . At least we kept the condo clean . No art was made but there was some computer work , sketch work and discussionartemis church Organize Chaos I have largely ignored this worldwide serial experiment known as summer . I 'm addicted to working . Not only do I work a day job but I 'm also a compulsive theatre geek . I 've spent my entire adult life leaving work to do evening rehearsals and performances . Sometimes I make a little money . Mostly it keeps me sane and it 's generally not been about the cash . Now that I have a couple of small people in my entourage , I make choices based on my sanity , their wellbeing and my earnings . I was determined to live the life of summer this year for all our sakes . The last two summers I got off work at 5pm and rehearsals began at 7pm . The girls enjoy going to rehearsal and they also enjoy the potpourri of friends that come over to play while I 'm working on obtaining that mind - blowing performance . It 's not torture for them that I do theatre but a lot gets sacrificed . There 's a facebook group called " I can 't , I have rehearsal . " It 's a support group because theatre is all consuming . When you aren 't in rehearsal , you are rehearsing at home . When you aren 't rehearsing at rehearsal or at home , you could be building a set or worrying about rehearsal . You generally don 't see music or go to the movies . You don 't go swimming or go on vacation . Sometimes you take on the characteristics of your character . You do the show . You never clock out . It 's pretty glorious but it doesn 't leave room for anything else . This year , I 'm breaking up with summer theatre for summer time . This summer is being treated like my imagination imagines summer . We have gone to the lake . We have gone to the pool . We have gone to the movies . We are going on a vacation that is not determined by my rehearsal schedule . Revolutionary . My day job is flexible . I spend a lot of time on my computer and I can do that at 6am or 11pm . I also meet with folks and have appointments but I 'm not at a desk from 8 to 5 like I was in summers ' previous . I am in the working world of contract labor . This is somewhat terrifying , but it artemis church ma I 'm on deep cleaning frenzy today . As I was cleaning up my jelly cupboard , I took a look at the picture postcard that hangs above . It 's for the Chameleon Springs Hotel that was in Mammoth Cave Kentucky . My great great grandparents owned it . The thing that struck me was the byline on the postcard ~ " The Place for Recreation and Amusement " . Sometimes I think about writing a mission statement for myself . The mission of the life of Amy is to . . . and so on . I 've thought more and more about specifying a mission or a purpose for myself . This would essentially be a tool for decision making . When asked about something I can consider if it would fall in with my mission statement . In it I will include the words of my ancestors ~ " for recreation and amusement " . We went to Kentucky in mid - June . It was pretty alright considering that we opened Christmas presents and only got to stay for two days . I 'd like to figure out how to stay longer but a visit with my family isn 't really a vacation and I 'm committed to taking vacations at this point in my life . I 'd like to go and spend some time at Mammoth Cave . That could be a vacation and vacations promote recreation and amusement . We did have fun in Kentucky even during our short stay . The girls have specific things they like to do at each family members house and they did all those things . It was Africa hot when we were there so we didn 't spend much time outside . My dad and stepmom have 92 acres so it 's always nice to roam the woods . We did not do that this time . We looked at this world through windows and air conditioning . I am always struck by the change in landscape from East Tennessee to South Central Kentucky . There are some hills there but it 's pretty flat overall . Although I was raised in Kentucky and still consider myself a Kentuckian , I have lived in Knoxville more of my life . Driving on the parkway to my dad 's , the lack of mountains on the horizon was noticeable . It was a cloudy day and the world looked different . The Queen Ann 's Lace on the side of the road was thick and tPosted by Artemis Church comes from what I always thought would be my pen name . My family is so crazy that if I actually ever write publicly about them , I will have to do it under a pseudonym . Artemis is bad ass and Church is the last name of one of my best friends . I don 't go to church but I think it 's a powerful word . My name is Amy and I have two daughters . We have a sweet little house with our dogs ( Virginia and Izzie ) , our cats ( Deuce , Peerless , Bella and Harry ) , our fish ( Isabelle and Gage ) and a very boring frog ( Humpback ) . We have a potpourri in our back yard of deadly spiders , garden snakes and flying stinging things with a creek where a Heron sometimes sits . We have a fire pit and mostly we have fun .
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Hi , everybun . That is if anybun is still out there listening . Mom has been so bad with the blog ( and everything else ) this year , that Santa is bringing her enough coal to heat the house for the winter . Even today , when she wanted to wish everybun Happy Solstice , Merry Christmas , Happy New Year , and stuff like that , I ended up having to do it myself . So , yeah . Happy Whatever . And if Santa brings you any extra treats , ship them on over . I 'm not sure he 's even stopping here this year . Nose bonks , Fall is my favorite time of year to work in the garden . I love the crisp feel to the air , the smell of the leaves , the special quality of the light in the bright blue sky . it 's nice to tidy up the garden , and put it to bed , with a whole winter to dream about how next year 's garden is going to be so much better . It takes a lot of optimism to be a gardener ! These two were sharing ( briefly ) till one moved on to a neighboring flower . This fall , we 've had one of those mini - miracles that gardens can provide . Many years ago I bought an Electric Blue Sage plant . Two years ago it stopped blossoming , and seemed to have died off . When my husband moved a tree this year , this plant sprouted up next to it . I thought it was yet another Butterfly Weed , which is plentiful in my garden , and told him he could just pull it out . Luckily , he never got around to doing that , and look what happened ! Definitely NOT an orange Butterfly Weed ! A gorgeous Electric Blue Sage . I love , love , love this color ! Keeping my fingers crossed that it will survive the winter . There are also some annuals still blooming their little hearts out , but the frost predicted for the end of the week will probably be the end of them . After that , the garden color will come from some tiny crabapples . For a short while , that is , until the birds , squirrels , and chipmunks eat them all up . Next they 'll eat the hawthorn berries , and finally the viburnum berries . But by then , it will be time to start watching for crocuses , and the new garden season will be starting . I can hardly wait . I have plans , and next year 's garden is going to be amazing ! Just wait and see . Hi , everybun ! We have noticed an unfortunate turn of events on the interwebs lately , with Human Beans trying to embarrass their Bunny Overlords , this page being a prime example . Clearly , you have all taken leave of what little sense you Beans have . Perhaps you should spend some time reacquainting yourself with the True Order of the Universe over at Disapproving Rabbits . Which isn 't to say that we can 't make a mess if we want to , but around here , the biggest mess - maker is Mom ! But maybe she can tell you about her latest adventure . I 'll be back later . - Jensen OK . First , welcome to Thumper S . Thompson . It is an honor to have a journalist of your stature reading our humble blog ! Second , from the comments on my last post , it sounds like a lot of you have the tickle of the beginnings of an art journaling bug . I hope you jump in , and give it a try . It 's always fun to be a kid again . Which brings us back to mess - making ! Yesterday I had my Gelli Arts printing plate out again . I love this thing ! I only needed one print , but by the end of the afternoon , I had this . Some of these were printed more than once , and some still need some additional color . About 1 / 3 are wonderful . Here are a few that I like . This first one has a print from the " wrong " side of a stencil across it . I 'm back , but not for long . While Mom is lost in her paint daydreams , I think I 'm going to head on over to Harrington 's place . I feel like a party , and he 's always ready to party ! You may have seen it around the webs . Over the last few years , art journaling has become quite a hot topic ( you can find some basics here ) . I wasn 't that interested to start with . All the examples that I saw were way beyond my fledgling art abilities , and the participants seemed extremely serious and earnest about their journal work , with lots of large social and spiritual subjects being addressed . Then , my life started to change . The last year and a half have seen a transition , from one phase of my life to another . I 've had a lot of decisions to make , and stuff to deal with , both my own , and my larger family . Early in this phase , I started keeping an art journal to help me cope . I was very formal about it , setting aside specific time for it , meditating first , trying to delve deep into the issues at hand . It was helpful , but I just couldn 't keep it going . Since that first effort , I have taken several art courses , in person , and on - line . Although I 'm not all the way there yet , I 've gotten more comfortable with paint , and drawing , and maybe even with myself . I 'm not a formal , organized person , and that 's just the way it is ( you may have noticed that ! ) . There is hardly a piece of paper around here that doesn 't end up with doodles on it . This includes newspapers , bills , grocery lists , Yahtzee score sheets , everything . With the painting classes , I am always finding myself with extra , unused paint on my palette that I hate to see go to waste . So , I 've been creating a new art journal , and this is some of the stuff that is going into it . And over the top , more painting , drawing , writing , a little of everything . It 's going to travel with me , sit with me in front of the Patriot 's games on TV , spend time on the kitchen counter , and probably get coffee and spaghetti sauce stains on it . And it 's going to be fun . I still have a lot of adjustiments to make in my life , some easy , some not . But I intend to keep having fun in my art journal along the way . Here is a recent page , that started with leftover paint . In the smears I saw an angel , so I invited her to come forward . I 'm not much of a glitter person , but her wings seemed to need some . Now , of course , there is glitter everywhere ! And below , you can see the facing page . Definitely not formal , but fun ! If you are wondering about the tape , it 's because the pages of this mixed - media notebook have perforations , and when I get the pages really wet , they tend to want to separate . That 's OK , because it gives me a chance to play with some of the cool tapes that are on the market these days . I know that there are some very creative and talented people who read this blog . Have you ever tried art journaling ? What did you think of it ? How has your style developed over time ? If you haven 't tried it , I encourage you to grab a grocery list , and start doodling some fun ! to say a quick " Hello ! " Sorry we 've been away so long . Mom was away doing family things , and Dad was keeping an eye on us . He doesn 't give us as much freedom as Mom does . We didn 't even get to go to Speedy 's birthday party ! Dad said no closet shenanigans while Mom was gone . Don 't worry , though . We got revenge . Somebunny pulled Dad 's jacket through the gate and ate it , followed by dessert of the Curly One 's jeans . Hah ! That will show them ! If Mom gets her act together , we 'll see you bright and early on Monday morning . Don 't hold your breathe , though . I mean , a weekend is a very long time to not breathe . And besides that , Mom rarely gets her act together anymore . Have a great weekend , everybun ! It took a while , but Jensen 's hangover is finally gone . That was some party ! Speedy , you are a terrific Pirate Captain . Now that we 're rested , and fully powered up , we are just wondering what adventures will come our way next . . . . and I blame Buttercup ! I can 't believe how long she has taken to get ready for Speedy 's Pirate Party . Really , who cares what she looks like ? Oww ! I mean , umm , she 's so totally beautiful already . Anyway , as Mom showed you last time , I 've been ready for days . Aren 't I a handsome pirate ? And now , after a lot of muttering about Jessica Rabbit , here is Pirate Princess Buttercup . Buttercup went with red , to play up those dangerous beautiful , red eyes of hers . And she thinks her mini - skirt is very sexy . Mom said not to tell her that with her short , little legs , it 's actually a maxi - skirt . I wouldn 't laugh , either . Those eyes can work for evil , as well as good . BC says that stupid , noisy bird is a parrot . It keeps saying " as you wish , as you wish " . She says she 'll get rid of him , if I learn to say that . Ha ! Fat chance . And now , we are out of here . Into the closet , and off to Speedy 's , hopefully before the rum is all gone . For some reason , the Pirate Princess ' bottle is already empty . See you soon , Speedy ! Some of you already know this from FB , but on Sunday I went to the Pet Rock Festival in Worcester , Ma . It 's a fundraising / awareness raising event for animal groups . Hundreds of people bring their pets , mostly dogs . There is music , and police and Frisbee dog demonstrations . My reason for going , though , was to meet Mr . Mick 's Mom . Jade was at the House Rabbit Connection booth , and we were able to meet in the flesh for the first time ever ! Finally ! I did watch the Frisbee dogs . They were having a tough time , because there was a strong , and gusty wind blowing . They still managed to be amazing , though . I wish the rest of our bunny friends could have been there . With Brandi around , I 'm sure we would have been able to take the place back over from the dogs ! I guess at least the bunnies will be getting together soon , for Speedy 's pirate party . I was doing a bunny picture for the LifeBook art class that I 'm participating in this year , and decided to have Jensen try out the puffy shirt look . If you understand that reference , I know you are old , like me ! Hi , everybun ! We were glad to see that everyone was so happy about our newly bonded bliss . We are happy , too . It was fun to hear from RG that our bowls match Zoe and Chico 's bowls . That 's a lot of bunny love to live up to , but we will do our best ! So today , Mom was trying to take my picture . But I said " No way , Mom ! I 'm not coming out of the box . " See me showing her my best " Harrington " ears ? With just a little more practice at it , I 'll be ready for Bunnyville . I hear it 's nicer there . But , I managed to get the best of Mom , after all . I didn 't stand still for her to take my picture . I grabbed the hay and ran . Ha ! Fooled her ! Again . Honestly , it 's not very hard . " No , you big goofball ! Use those ears for something other than food ! She said we are BONDED . That means we like to snuggle ( not that that is any of her business ) . Bondage is when she holds us tight to clip our nails . Not the same thing at all . That turns us 50 shades of disapproving ! " Now , however , they have decided to go through life side - by - side . ( See Buttercups ears ? She often holds them like this . Remind you of anybun ? ) But Jensen doesn 't like things to be too easy . He prefers to keep us on our toes and guessing about what the heck he is doing . Still haven 't figured this one out . What do you think he is thinking ? And by the way , I 'm sending out a big THANK YOU to all our friends who kept encouraging us during this bonding adventure . I might have given up a month ago if not for all of you . Thanks to you , these two buns are now very happy together ! How are you on follow through ? I 'm pretty bad at it , which makes me wonder why I started this new project . Starting with my birthday last June , I decided to make one tiny quilt each week for the next year . Not sure what the heck I was thinking , but I 'm hoping for once to make it to the end of a project ! So this is the deal . These quilts are mounted on 6 inch canvases . I 'm trying to use a lot of the mixed - media techniques that I 've been learning ( see my sideboard for the LifeBook class info . ) , so they all have collage , paint , some incorporate paper , and of course a wide variety of fabric . I 'm also doing a lot of reading on Symbology , so I 've been exploring personal symbols with these little bits , too . This was the third TQ . There is a vague tarot reference with the diamonds here , and the acute triangles which are masquerading as swords . The rest is obvious . The latest finished TQ is below . It includes part of a handkerchief that I doodled on , and some fused bits of scrap thread . Here 's a detail shot where you can see the threads . This is an almost finished Work - In - Progress . That reddish square has some writing that I did on other piece of hankie . The writing is cryptic , as it goes in two different directions , one over the top of the other . Did not intend the blotchy effect , but the red marker bled , and I kept it because I liked it . I also did not intend the unibrow . I guess I need to plan ahead on the thread sketching if I 'm doing people ! It 's all a learning process . . . . It looks like this is going to be a fun journey . I hope I make it all the way through to my 52nd birthday . Have you ever tried a year - long project ? Or are you doing one now ? What are you learning from it ? I enjoyed your comments on my last post . Brandi , I 'm sheepishly admitting that you are right . I tried to hurry Jensen and Buttercup along too fast . Jade , he doesn 't just take the greens off her plate . He rips them out of her mouth ! Bit of a bully , my Jensen . And if you are on FB , you know he is having a bit of a stasis issue . We are not out of the woods yet , but he did " produce " a little . Poop is a wonderful thing ! Unfortunately , things broke down during the bonding session . I tried giving them their greens together . Let 's just say , Jensen is a pig , and Buttercup is not putting up with it ! Any advice ? Posted by During Tuesday morning 's bonding session , Buttercup groomed Jensen for the very first time ! She repeated that yesterday , and then again today . Today 's bonding session was inside , so that 's a big step . We are getting there . . . . Hi , everybun ! I hope you have all been enjoying this hot as heck July . We have been spending all our time trying to stay cool . We only have enough air - conditioning for the bunnies , and we try not to run it at night , if we can help it . Most nights I have been giving them frozen water bottles to cuddle up to . Jensen and Buttercup took much longer than all our past buns to figure out what the bottles were about . Jensen got it first , and soon after that , Buttercup stopped thinking the bottle was going to eat her . Anyway , I thought you might get a laugh out of a picture I took of Jensen and the water bottles . For the last few days , Buttercup and Jensen have been getting their greens together in the dining room . I scatter the veggies all around , so they can eat and still have a little distance between them . If it 's going well , they stay in the room for up to an hour . Like everything with these two , it 's a slow process . Hi , everybun ! It 's been quite a while . I hope all our blog friends are doing well out there , bun and bean alike . We are still working on bonding Jensen and Buttercup , but getting closer ( fingers crossed ) . Thank you to everyone for the birthday wishes . I really appreciated them . Sorry about leaving you hanging with the last three pictures that I posted . Didn 't mean to , but " stuff " , as they say , happens . So , now I 'll tell you what that was all about . Some of you who have been reading this blog for awhile may remember that on my last birthday , I went zip lining . This year , I decided on a more tame adventure . I went to visit a place that bills itself as America 's Stonehenge . This is a tourist attraction left over from the early part of the last century and , as was typical of the time , it was romanticized and overstated . I knew that before going , but I had wanted to visit for a long time , and figured it would be a good place to take pictures . It was a beautiful morning to be out exploring the New England woods , and " Stonehenge " did not disappoint . Here are some more pictures . The picture below shows a crew filming a " debunking " video . It was fun to watch the goings on , and listen to what they had to say . You can walk into some of the tunnels and caves . I get a bit claustrophobic , and these are very small spaces . And I hate spiders . I know they are good . It 's a visceral reaction . Can 't help it . I went in to explore anyway . It 's amazing how cool it stays in these spaces , even though they are very close to the surface of the ground . Now , I am not an archaeologist . But over the years I have done a lot of reading about archeology , history , and geology . My conclusions ? I think this started out as a natural geological formation . Maybe it was a tor - type thing or an area of karst topography , or a combination . Then humans came along . First the Native Americans , then European settlers . I think people took advantage of the natural formations for shelter , and possibly for food storage . Over the years , they would alter the structures to suit their needs . The next group to come along would then rearrange things . The stones are much , much smaller than the real Stonehenge , so would be more easily moved . The film crew was talking about the fact that no trash deposits have been found , but this is a very disturbed area . Farmers , and early " treasure hunters " might have destroyed or removed such areas , not realizing their value . Also , much is made by the owners of the fact that so many of the openings face the same way . They attribute this to ( possibly ) religious reasons . It seems more likely to me that openings were arranged to face away from the prevailing winter weather . And , the " doorways " are low enough to shelter the spaces from the summer sun . One of those traditional bits of building knowledge that has mostly been forgotten in these days of central heating and air conditioning ! Having said all that , this really is a great place to take pictures . And it certainly is much more romantic to imagine some larger purpose , some mysterious ancient civilization . What would you like to believe ? The trails through the site end near several alpaca that the owners have on - site , with wool and fleece for sale . They are such goofy - looking creatures ! And so , we have reached The End . I am a quilter , gardener , and mom . I have also started exploring the world of mixed - media art . We are now sharing our home with Jensen , an energetic , young scamp of a rabbit , who is keeping me hopping . My girls created this blog as a gift to me , and it has been a terrific way to get to know some truly wonderful people , including you . Thanks for stopping by , I hope you enjoy your visit .
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No , what I 'm referring to is that I 've actually had a chance to catch up on all the fun things that I 've let go over the past year , like needlework , and in doing so , I find I 'm having too much time to think . ( I have also been working on a new book , which limits my Thinking time - a good thing , as you will see . ) And what I find I 'm Thinking about , is This Time Last Year . I came a little too close to the Grim Reaper for comfort , frankly . Now , while the thought of dying doesn 't bother me particularly , the thought of leaving behind the people I love just eats at me . Now I find that it 's difficult to forget ; I hear music that I heard from that time , or think , " This time last year , I didn 't even have enough energy to pick up a needle , " and the whole horror washes over me again . I 'm assuming this is a form of PTSD ? Anyone else have this kind of thing , where , when horrible anniversaries roll around , you relive them ? How did you cope ? Obviously , this isn 't the first horrible thing that happened to me in life , but it took me 20 years to get over the last truly horrible thing , and I 'd rather not take so long this time ( for one thing , I may not have 20 years - comforting thought ! ) . I 'd say , " There 's always booze , " but have been informed that with a background that 's half Irish and half Russian , I should just surrender to my Inherent Alcoholism , and that 's all I need to stay away from that particular " consolation . " And I have never found therapy to be particularly helpful . Catherine - it just gets better and better . He 's just such a nice person . New priests often come with an Agenda . Fr . Dean saw himself as revitalizing an aging community , and he did - unfortunately , he also stepped on a lot of older toes to do that , and people got hurt . The last priest seemed to have as his agenda closer ties with the heterodox community , which wouldn 't have been a bad thing , if it hadn 't also involved little gems like " icons " of St . Francis of Assisi and St . Dominic ( from those Bridgebuilders crackpots ) , ecumenical services that included the local rabbi giving a sermon while standing in front of the icon of the Annunciation , and those little girls Going Where No Orthodox Little Girl Had Ever Gone Before - I 've crabbed enough about that that I don 't feel the need to go into it again . ( By the way , in case anyone is actually buying " icons " from Bridgebuilders , I should note that I refer to them as " crackpots " because they so obviously subscribe to the theory that what makes an icon is the style of painting , and nothing more . You should have seen my priest 's face when I made mention of their " icon " of Harvey Milk , the San Francisco official who was gunned down because he was gay . This is the kind of thing they get up to . ) Fr . Costin , to give the New Kid his name - Fr . Costin also has an agenda . As he said to me , " People will forget about their petty grievances when they return to their spiritual focus . " If it 's possible to fall in love spiritually , I think I 've just done that ! 😀 Elizabeth - it wasn 't the old priest who told Fr . Costin that I would " turn against him , " but a member of the parish council who is best described as an Old Woman . The poor soul used to be a very responsible member of the community till he had a stroke ; now he can 't practice in his former profession , and seems to spend his days lurking around the church and finding things to gossip about . This is why this particular bit of gossip doesn 't bother me for my own sake , but it does hurt in the sense that this nice young priest must be wondering when and how he 's going to get hit between the eyes . I won 't say " Never " - I 'm sure that eventually , we 'll have some kind of difference of opinion - but I hope we can resolve it , as I did my differences with Fr . Dean . It 's when people won 't listen that eventually , I just stop trying . This is an adaptation of an Ellen Maurer - Stroh cross - stitch design of roses and lilies . I charted them out on top of a St . Olga cross , and the idea is to stitch this design onto at least two analoy covers : one for the main analogion in the church itself , and one for the analogion that stands in the narthex . There are four other analogia , and for them I will stitch a plain St . Olga cross , no flowers - I have to make some kind of progress . 6 Comments » Over the past six or so years , all my readers have been very patient with me as I 've done my " wandering Jew " act through various jurisdictions and parishes - something I do truly deplore , but with my home parish having become something of a laboratory for the Orthodox / Catholic experiment , I didn 't feel I had much choice . The ROCOR parish where I would have preferred to settle folded when its priest took up a new post ; we tried going to that parish for a couple of years , but the distance proved to be too much , and we finally settled on a parish some 40 miles away , where at least I knew I could trust the priest not to do anything too Innovationist . At the same time , every other week we would attend Liturgy at a very small Greek parish nearby , which only has Liturgies every other week . It worked out well enough , though I never really felt at home in the 40 - miles - away parish . Well - my original parish is finally freed from the " Latin Yoke " ;-> and we have a new priest ! This one 's a corker : He 's from Romania . He has his Bachelor 's from Harvard , and his Ph . D . from CalTech in Theoretical Physics ( ! ! ! ) - no idea where his Master 's is from - and says he never had any real exposure to Christianity until he and some friends bicycled from CalTech to a Romanian parish about an hour away . The priest there gave a very powerful sermon about confession , and this guy decided then and there that he had to make some radical changes in his life . " Radical " is the word - from Theoretical Physics to Metaphysics ? ! God love him ! Now , when Fr . Dean was in charge of this parish , I used to chant weekday Liturgies for him . When the " Latin " priest was in charge , I actually developed nodes on my vocal cords , so was unable to sing for three years , and by the time they cleared up , he had made other arrangements for a weekday chanter , so I was out of a job - just as well , since over those three years it became obvious that this was not someone you could work with . ( He has a " don 't confuse me with facts " personality . ) Since those " other arrangements " consisted of his oldest son , and that whole family is gone now , I thought , maybe this new priest would need a weekday chanter . So I introduced myself to him . It turned out that my reputation had preceded me : The new priest had already talked to Fr . Dean ! = : 0 So we hit it off very well from the start , and I actually have had the chance to sing for him at Paraklesis , and on the Feast of the Transfiguration . He 's also interested in my needlework . Now for the rabbit punch : After Paraklesis on Monday , he was blowing off a little steam because the actual chanter of the parish , the guy who sings on Sundays , was supposed to be there , and wasn 't . As Father said , it puts a tremendous strain on his own voice to have to sing everything , which he did because he 's just been teaching the Paraklesis melodies to me . I forget now how we got on the topic , but I said something about , " I don 't know what you 've heard about me from the parish " - this is a parish that loves to gossip , and never puts a good light on anything when there 's a possible bad explanation - and he said , " They tell me that you will turn against me . " What bothers me about that is not that it 's untrue - I can see why these wahoos would come up with that kind of explanation - but that someone was so eager to get his knife into me that he would disturb the peace of mind of a new young priest to do it . Okay , maybe he was just trying to prepare the priest for that eventuality ; it certainly happened with the last priest , though there were actual reasons for my " turning against " him , and when I explained these to the new priest , he understood that he hadn 't gotten the whole story . And I suspect , from comments passed over the past six years , that my not singing for the Latin priest was interpreted as leaving in a snit ; as I said , why look for a real explanation when there 's a bad spin to put on it ? Be that as it may , I like this new young fellow very much . He 's enthusiastic without being pushy , he has a singing voice to die for , and frankly - I like that he 's from an Eastern Bloc country . This says to me that he has really struggled for his faith , that he 's not Orthodox " because Greeks are Orthodox , " but understands the necessity for spiritual growth - actually , he 's a lot like Fr . Dean . I can 't wait to see what his Bible studies are like . His sermons are already a hoot , since he brings a lot of science into them - as one of the Jordanville monks once said to me , it 's so interesting to see how priests bring their former lives into their sermons . And meanwhile , I will also have to deal with the ill will of my former parish . But that I 'm not too worried about , mostly because they seem to think their opinion actually should matter to me , and of course it doesn 't - as long as the " new kid on the block " and I are able to communicate well . So far , so good ! 4 Comments » Back in February , I posted about the newest " member " of our family , my new red Toyota Matrix . At the time , she was Molly . She has a new name , " Minnie . " ( Which I don 't especially care for - makes me think of Minnie Mouse . I liked Mimi , but the hubster , loyal son of Das Vaterland that he is , says it 's " too French . " Sigh . ) Anyway , what occasioned the name change was meeting an actual person named Molly at the Summer School . Charity forbids my saying very much about this , umm , interesting person , except to note that she was a third - year student this year , and is the only person I have ever seen conduct a choir with a hula motion . Most of us conduct with the " opposable thumbs " approach , i . e . , we move our arms in opposite directions from each other . Molly conducted by moving her arms in the same direction at once . She did get her certificate - I 'm not sure if it was because she didn 't fall apart altogether during the final exam , or because they would do anything to make sure she didn 't come back . She had other idiosyncrasies . Let 's just leave it at that . But I knew that if I ever referred to " Molly " again , it wouldn 't be my little red car I 'd be thinking of . Hence , the name change . And , just before we left for Jordanville , we got another Toyota Matrix . This one 's pure white , and its name is " Snoopy . " It started out life as " E . B . " ( the hubster being an admirer of E . B . White ) , but " Snoopy " fits it much better . Its purchase was occasioned by a broken tie rod , followed by the discovery that all the other tie rods on the car were also in shaky condition , and fixing one of these puppies , in this neck of the woods , costs upwards of $ 400 . Plus , the car was a 1994 Escort - hard to find parts for it , at this point . Plus , the floor was rusting out altogether , and in NH , your car doesn 't pass the state inspection if the floor is rusted . ( Doesn 't matter if the headlights are out of balance , or even if the tie rods are about to fall apart - as I learned one September , after a state inspection the previous month - but that floor had better be good and solid . Go figure . ) Fortunately , we paid cash for the first car , so we only have one car payment to handle . But the hubster was considering retirement , before this latest discovery . Now - well , who knows ? 3 Comments » … he looked it , the young man standing in church four Sundays ago , up there in Jordanville . Very Russian - looking , short blond hair , slight build , looking very solemn and serious - with three children clustered around him , two little girls about 7 or 8 , and a little boy about 3 . In the more conservative ROCOR churches , men stand on the right - hand side of the church , and women stand on the left , and usually , the children stand with the women , so this young man was all the more noticeable with his three little children clustered around him , each little girl holding a hand , and the little boy smack up against his front . And they just stood there , from about the Gospel onwards . Now , because Jordanville is a hierarchical seat , services there take a long time . A Sunday Liturgy can take three hours . People wander in and out throughout ; you get to a point where you need a " seventh - inning stretch , " as my Church Slavonic instructor once put it , so you drift outside and sit for awhile , get some fresh air , then wander back in and find a place to stand . Not this family . They just stayed put the whole time , and let me tell you , those kids didn 't move an inch . Yet there was no question of the affection between father and children ; he let them do pretty much anything they liked with his hands , and when one of the little girls let go , his son ( looked just like him ! ) promptly picked up the hand and put it on top of his head . Then , just before Communion , the dad leaned down and whispered to one of the girls , who nodded , and then he took off , leaving the three children behind . I saw them craning their necks to watch him go , and wondered what that was all about . A few minutes he reappeared - with an infant in his arms . And shepherded the three other children up for Communion , along with the infant . I saw him for all the Sundays I was in Jordanville . The second Sunday , the kids stayed with him , and I was interested to see his method of " discipline " : When the little boy put his hands into his pockets , the dad just reached down and gently removed the hands , then put them at the boy 's side . And they stayed there . The third Sunday , I saw the same children , but this time with a sweet - looking young woman who actually let them sit down on one of the stools placed around the cathedral . It was amusing to note that they were actually a little wigglier with her around ! At Communion time , dad reappeared - apparently , this time he had " infant duty " - and after Communion , those kids just moved to his side and stayed there , although mom was still in church . I couldn 't help contrasting their behavior with the American kids I know , who are so rambunctious and make their presence such an ordeal for everyone around them - not necessarily at Liturgy , more like in the public sphere ( like grocery stores ) , but even at church , kids raised by American parents are much more disruptive than these kids were . What is it about Russian parents and children ? I mean , these weren 't the only kids in church , but the only thing that made them noticeable was their father , who really did look about 20 years old . The other kids in church were just as well - behaved . As my husband said ( he was there for the third Sunday , and I pointed out the family ) , they knew that church was a special place , and that they were supposed to have " church manners . " Update , 2010 : I found out last year that this man teaches Church History to the seminarians . His wife was the Summer School 's cook last year . Their names are Sergei and Nadezhda .
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I had been asked to relate the themes of independence , dependence , and interdependence to the larger issue of disability . I quickly remarked that I was uncertain I have ever felt really dependent , but I knew that I would not like being fully dependent upon another person . There is very little in my life that I cannot do , although the list is growing . There are things that others do for me , but that is primarily because I can be lazy . The things I can do for myself that I let others do - well , there was a time when I could not do these things , and that is generally when the other individual began to do them . It just continued . There are days when I feel stronger , and I could certainly do some of those things . I imagine tying my shoes , my sneakers , is about the only thing in my life that I absolutely cannot do . I can even still tie a necktie with one hand if need be . It is , however , a marvel of digital dexterity to watch . I also drive a car with a manual transmission . I probably should not be - according to many people . I have to let go of the steering wheel when I shift gears , but that is not as bad as it might sound . If you think about it , most shifting occurs at slower speeds , and it is only for a second or two that I let go . I have learned shift earlier than one might normally shift or later than one might normally shift so that I am shifting when it is safer to let go of the steering wheel . For example , I never shift while I 'm turning my car . Nor do I like the idea of being without a car , although I could always get a car with an automatic . A car is a necessity here , and if I could not drive , I think I would have to consider moving to an area with better public transportation . I cannot imagine being home bound . I am certain I would dislike having to be completely dependent up on another for some aspect of my life . When I say that , I find myself thinking about the elderly who are so resistant to giving up their drivers ' licenses - even when there are significant safety concerns . I understand their fear that when they most need to do something , the someone they rely on to help them might not be there . Once again I am plumbing the poetic depths - what was once a ritual . The challenge was to ' write a poem about playing a game . ' I 'm thinking that with two daughters , this is ezpz . What 's also true is that although I 'm soon bankrupt , no one is richer . A preacher visited an elderly woman from his congregation . As he sat on the couch he notices a large bowl of peanuts on the coffee table . " Mind if I have a few ? " he asked . Moi . Younger daughter . Older daughter . Better half . Not certain who the fellow is behind us . We 're at Emory University School of Medicine and in the Robert W . Woodruff Health Sciences Center in 2002 . Now that I think about it , that guy behind us might be Woodruff himself . He was president of Coca - Cola ™ from 1923 - 1954 . He ( with his brother ) gave almost a quarter billion dollars to Emory . But I digress . We were there for the White Coat Ceremony given to mark a " pivotal transition " into the medical profession and to identify students as physicians . During the ceremony , first year medical students take the Oath of Hippocrates where they swear to practice medicine ethically and are given the white coats that will recognize them as students of medicine . Similar to a graduation ceremony , new students walked onto the stage one - by - one as their names were called . Doctors and faculty members stood on stage and dressed students in white coats . I had asked one of my daughters for permission to use a photograph of hers for { this moment } 2 , and when I asked her what she remembered about the day of the photograph , she characterized it as one of the five best days of her life . In another email she was able to tell me what the other four were . She had clearly given this some serious thought . It reminds me of the scene in The Way We Were in which old friends identify their best day together or best week or best year or best anything as a way of reminiscing . It seems to me a worthwhile exercise and a way to take stock of one 's life so far . Are your best ever days reflective of what you hoped would be important to you ? Although I have a third of a century more than my daughter to parse , I 'm thinking that probably makes it easier . Four of my five are about family , and one is professional . I 'm content with that . 1 . September 23 , 1981 : birth of my first child , a daughter - in fact , the one I mention above . A bit of this is described in the post referenced below , and I remember it as if it were yesterday . Because the birth was a C - section , I held and rocked my daughter long before my wife . Oh , my - there just aren 't words for that emotion . I also remember making all of the phone calls from a phone booth ! Remember those days with no cell phones ? Part of our pre - delivery preparation was to be sure I had enough coins to call everyone with the news and to share the name we had selected for a girl . 3 . May 19 , 2002 : commencement at the University of Virginia . This was my older daughter 's graduation , but that was only part of joy . I had missed my own UVa graduation 32 years earlier as I recovered from a serious illness . My wife - unbeknownst to me - had written the president of UVa , shared my story , and asked if I ( as a professor and former college president ) might march down the Lawn with my daughter . He did her one better . I marched , but only after exiting the Rotunda with the platform party and walking the full length of the Lawn with the VIPs . It was a good day , and I shall never forget what my wife arranged for me nor will I forget the kindness of President Casteen . 4 . Multiple unspecified dates : any of those days when former students return to the college after 10 or 20 or even 30 or more years and tell me I made a difference in their lives . What more can I ask for . It is , after all , why professors do what professors do . In my email signature I often use a quote from William James . " The best use of life is to spend it for something that outlasts life . " If James be right , those students are telling me I 've made good use of life . Nice . 5 . November 18 , 1977 : first date with my wife . For a couple of months I had been pestering a mutual friend to introduce us . He was not sure she was " ready to date " having lost her husband to cancer the previous December . We were finally introduced and began to date . We were several dates into a budding romance when I learned what kind of cancer had taken her husband . My heart sank upon hearing it was Hodgkin 's Lymphoma . I knew I had no choice , but how was I going to tell her that I was only four years out from my last treatment for the same illness . It may have been the hardest conversation I ever had , but I told her I would understand if she wanted to stop seeing me . To her credit , she didn 't run away , and the rest , as they say , is history . 6 . Six ? - but that 's cheating , you say . I suppose , but I 'm not really going to list anything here . I just wanted to acknowledge that is no shortage of special people and special moments in my life - some that were incredibly powerful and moving . Glorious and vivid . I am blessed . Let me explain . I have " License Plates for People With Severe Disabilities " as New York State so caringly labels them . I earned them , but I don 't always need them . Since there are rarely enough handicapped parking spaces , I frequently leave them for folks with greater need and use a regular space if it doesn 't cause a problem for me . This morning I was at work well before 8 : 00 am and could park anywhere I wanted . I took the space closest to my office , and it was not a handicapped space . The handicapped spaces are a little further away to take advantage of grade and elevators . Those concerns are not usually a problem for me unless I 'm carrying stuff , and that wasn 't the case . This student evidently came in later than I and resented that I had parked where I did . Of course , she could have come in much earlier and had a great choice of spaces . There is no shortage of parking on campus . Her note reveals a lot about her - just not her name . I guess she 's afraid to defend her beliefs , let alone her actions . She could have signed it after indicating she 'd like to talk to me about issues related to disability . It never occurred to her that the driver of the vehicle might not be the individual with a disability and , therefore , could not use the reserved spaces unless that person was with them . I also assume she 's been ticketed for illegally taking a handicapped space . Enough said . What galls me the most , however , is that she is just one more ignoramus who resents that some folks require and have the right reasonable accommodation . It 's been a while since Blogging Against Disablism Day for which I repeated an earlier post . To borrow from that post , this immature student has gotten " my knickers in a twist . . . . some folks can 't stand the fact that others with disabilities get to park closer to where they are going than they do . I call this kind of attitude a leading indicator because if people are still that insensitive to disability issues , there remains much to be done to secure the civil rights of those whose independence is persistently challenged . " It isn 't about me . It 's about how far there is still to go . That 's what irritates me . It 's the refusal to recognize that reasonable accommodation is fundamentally a civil rights issue . All she cares about is that it somehow inconveniences her . I know I repeat myself but until those who are without disability are just as offended and angry about the barriers to independent living as are those who are with disability , . . . well , we 're not there yet . So I 'm irritated , and I 'm sad . I 'm tired too , but that student has no idea just how annoyed someone can be . I 'm not too tired to share my annoyance with this young lady by telling her what a fatuous , petulant , insensitive , egocentric , semi - literate , dysfunctional , puerile , lily - livered , good - for - nothing slubberdegullion she is . So there ! Phew - now I feel better . Thank you very much . By the way , I 've continued to park there , of course . In fact , that space is now been designated as a parking space for " People With Severe Disabilities . " A Monday ritual . A single image - no words - capturing a moment from the past . A simple moment along my life 's Journey - but one over which I wish to linger and savor each treasured aspect of the memories it evokes . If you are moved or intrigued by my { this moment } , please leave a comment . On Thursday in a companion ritual called { this memory } , I 'll share the story of this moment . { this moment } is a ritual copied and adapted from cath 's wonderful blog ~ just my thoughts . She , in turn , borrowed it from Pamanner 's Blog . Check out their blogs , and if you 're inspired to do the same , leave a link to your { this moment } in the comments for each of us to find and see . Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers . The first boy said , " My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper . Then he calls it a poem , and they give him $ 25 . " The second boy said , " That 's nothing . My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper . Then he calls it a song , and they give him $ 200 . " Not to be outdone the third boy said , " I got you both beat . My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper . Then he calls it a sermon , and it takes eight men to collect all the money ! " Look at that face ! If that doesn 't scream " what a beautiful day , " I don 't know what would . That child is literally soaking up the sunshine . " That child " is my older daughter in the summer of 1984 - so she was about three . She is in front of the Alumni Hall residence hall at Utica College . We had sold our home in May and were beginning construction on a new home . Well , we thought we were . As it turned out we didn 't dig the foundation until October . We lived in one of the three bedroom units on campus for the summer . It was great being able to walk to work , but in August we had to vacate . We moved in with my mother - in - law - crowded but we got along very well . I faced many a long day . I would work a the college all day , get a bite to eat , then go work on the new home until 11 : 00 or midnight , and finally collapse into bed after checking on my daughters . There were some very cold nights that winter , but I finally finished . We moved in on July 1 , 1985 . I was challenged to write a poem that included a broken object . I wrote two - with ' object ' being broadly interpreted . They 're silly , but I like them . " Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain , " spoke the actor Frank Morgan in his immortal role as the Wizard of Oz in the 1939 film of the same name . When we heard that - even for the first time - we knew exactly what was going on . We knew that someone was trying to fool someone else . It was so transparent , but it 's not always so obvious . What do you see ? I don 't know about you , but I don 't see perfect concentric circles - no matter how hard I try . This is , however , what is there . Four perfect circles . Such illusions have always been problematic for philosophers and scientists - especially centuries ago . For millennia we believed the psyche was a faithful reproduction of the real world , that there was a one - to - one correlation . It 's perhaps less of a puzzle today , but it is still a challenge to explain the apparent incongruity between sensation ( the four circles your eyes see ) and perception ( whatever those things are that your mind thinks you see ) . Usually I can ' defeat ' illusions with enough concentration , but this one is overpowering . I know the truth of it , but I just can 't get myself to see it . That must be what is going on in America today where good hearted people - strong and true - refuse to believe what they know must be true . They continue to buy into the misrepresentations of those who got us into this mess . I don 't want to oversimplify nor do I want to single out any one group . There is plenty of blame to go around . But I ran out of patience with these governmental hypocrites long ago , and I fear I am beginning to give up on my fellow citizens as well . At some point you have to ask to be treated like an adult and to be given the truth . Demand it . Insist that they stop giving you what you want to hear . Stop with the illusions which I admit are mildly amusing and feel good , but they serve only to distort the reality of a precarious time in our history . A Monday ritual . A single image - no words - capturing a moment from the past . A simple moment along my life 's Journey - but one over which I wish to linger and savor each treasured aspect of the memories it evokes . If you are moved or intrigued by my { this moment } , please leave a comment . On Thursday in a companion ritual called { this memory } , I 'll share the story of this moment . { this moment } is a ritual copied and adapted from cath 's wonderful blog ~ just my thoughts . She , in turn , borrowed it from Pamanner 's Blog . Check out their blogs , and if you 're inspired to do the same , leave a link to your { this moment } in the comments for each of us to find and see . Pat and Mike were walking down the street . When they came to the church , Pat said , " Mike , you wait here . I 'm going to run in for confession . It 's been a long time . " Back on the street , Mike said , " Well , how did you do ? " Pat said , " Just fine . I kept me mouth shut and got three new prospects ! " Author Unknown Posted by We 're in our backyard in Norfolk , Virginia - just off of Granby Street and not far from Ocean View . The year is 1951 , maybe 1952 . My brother ( older by almost five years ) and I are trying to stay cool on an obviously hot afternoon ( I can tell from the shadows ) . Please note we spared no expense to jury - rig a pool - looks like a shower curtain but was probably some military surplus . The memories evoked for me have to do with family . My brother and I are not close and never were . Our interests are different , our life styles are different , our religious orientations are different , our politics are different . We 're just different , but . . . we 're brothers . Growing up , however , I did everything I could to irritate him , and my mother says I was very good at it . Nevertheless , he let me live . When he has needed my help , I have been more than happy to be there . If he needs it again , I 'll be there . I 'd like to think he feels the same . Friends may come and go , but one 's family is forever . As they say , blood is thicker than water . For the past few years I have been learning to embrace ambiguity . I confess my pace has been slow , but it has also been steady . There is , thank goodness , evidence of real progress . Throughout my 40 + years as a laboratory scientist I always searched for answers to questions that would provide the striking clarity of black and white , even though I knew the world was decidedly gray . It was , in fact , the one thing of which I was absolutely certain . Yet there is for most of us something comfortable in the simplicity of a world with well - defined boxes , however shallow that view may be . Living in the present offers us a similar ambiguity , and it would surely be easier to look forward to an end point or to focus on a goal . Similarly , most of us are naturally drawn toward the illusion that we might know where our life 's journey is leading , and such simple certainty once again provides familiar comfort . To be here now , however , to trust in the moment , to be content with what is , and to enjoy just being - within these values we can discover genuine clarity . Learning to Be the Journey is difficult , but striving to attain that wisdom affords us a truer and more assured path of contentment and serenity . Patience , Grasshopper . It 's hard to be certain what triggers a memory . In this case it may have been something to do with disability discrimination or perhaps a billboard sign , but I think it was the disrespect that is so often directed at President Obama , disrespect that is so clearly racial in its underpinnings . Some may not even realize that this is what drives their behavior , but I have no doubt . I grew up in the South , born in Virginia . My mom was born in Arkansas . My two namesakes , a grandfather and an uncle , were born in Georgia and in Arkansas , respectively . At the same time I have spent the last two - thirds of my life living in the North - which harbors just as much racism as the South , by the way , and in some ways it 's worse . I had hoped we , as a country , were further along the road to diversity equality than we are . It hurts . I saw so much ugliness growing up , and I want it to disappear forever . After retiring from the pulpit in the late 50s , my maternal grandparents moved into a home in Little Rock only a few blocks from Central High , although a couple of years after the integration crisis . I can remember seeing large roadside billboard signs shouting " Impeach Earl Warren . " Warren was the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court that unanimously decided Brown v . Board of Education . Those signs are the old dormant memory that was triggered , and it 's been on my mind of late . As a third grader , I never got much of an answer when I wondered aloud what the signs were about . My parents sheltered me , I guess , from racism , but perhaps from other races as well . My brother has always asserted that my parents moved us to Virginia Beach rather than Norfolk to avoid a growing black population . Schools were one step beyond separate but equal , and you chose which one you wanted to go to . Except when there was little choice , whites preferred to stay in white majority schools and blacks in black majority schools . Voluntarily . That separation was clearer in Virginia Beach of that era . In fact , it 's remarkable that I never shared classroom space with a black student until I started teaching college in Utica . That 's after twelve years of public schooling ( scattered among three states ) , four years of college , and five years of graduate school . It wasn 't by choice . In the late 60s , I saw a fraternity brother jump out of his chair and cheer when he learned of the shooting of Martin Luther King , Jr . and another brother make it clear that he would blackball any prospective pledge who was black - not the terminology that was used , by the way . Ugh . There is more to dredge up but no reason to . I know racism when I see it - no matter how subtle it is , no matter how much in denial is its owner . It runs far deeper that I thought though , and the way our president is treated is evidence of that . Perhaps the next generation will be the one to make a difference . In the meantime , I shall continue to do my part and question verbally those whose words or actions are racist or discriminatory . As I observe my polarized country today , my head tells me it 's going to get worse before it gets better . Sigh . A Monday ritual . A single image - no words - capturing a moment from the past . A simple moment along my life 's Journey - but one over which I wish to linger and savor each treasured aspect of the memories it evokes . If you are moved or intrigued by my { this moment } , please leave a comment . On Thursday in a companion ritual called { this memory } , I 'll share the story of this moment . { this moment } is a ritual copied and adapted from cath 's wonderful blog ~ just my thoughts . She , in turn , borrowed it from Pamanner 's Blog . Check out their blogs , and if you 're inspired to do the same , leave a link to your { this moment } in the comments for each of us to find and see . Going over our church finances I found a receipt from a local paint store signed by someone named Christian . I wasn 't aware of anyone buying paint , so I called the store to point out its mistake . " I 'm sorry , " I told the manager , " but there are no Christians here at First Baptist Church . " One Easter Sunday morning as the pastor was preaching a children 's sermon , he reached into his bag of props and pulled out an egg . He pointed at the egg and asked the children , " What 's in here ? " " I know , I know ! " a little boy exclaimed , " pantyhose ! " Mom and me in early spring of 1970 . I 'm 21 ; she 's almost 50 . What you can 't see is we are standing next to my 1970 Mustang Mach - 1 ( next car over ) . Zoom . We 're in front of my apartment on Stadium Road near the University of Virginia . It 's actually my sideburns that give me the date . I spent four years in ROTC where those sideburns would not be tolerated . In January , however , I became physically ineligible for service because of a December diagnosis of Hodgkin 's Lymphoma . As soon as I could , I grew those sideburns - especially after having the left side of my head shaved during my diagnostic workup . Anyway , my parents were there with me as I began radiation therapy at the University Medical Center , and we were saying good - bye now that they were convinced I would survive the linear accelerator . Parents ! - but I can 't blame them for their concern , especially now that I 'm a parent . I 'm sure that even then it was hard for them to leave . The University had a tradition of students wearing coats and ties in those days - so my outfit is nothing special . You can 't read it , but the lapel pin says πKø ( that last should be ' phi ' which isn 't on this keyboard ) . Pi Kappa Phi was / is my fraternity and one of the best things that happened to me at the University . Foremost , it is our crowning intellectual achievement as a species . I made that point in Through the Looking Glass . " Never again in our lifetimes will we achieve anything as complex and profound as our ability to share what is essentially an infinity of shades of meaning . Furthermore we are able to do this in a novel fashion each time - even if we wish to express exactly the same message . " What I have been thinking about lately , though , is the dynamism of a given language . English , in particular , is in constant change . New words emerge , and a few disappear - so the lexicon is always changing although the rules stay pretty much the same . To quote myself again , " Language is also a gift most of us develop with minimal effort . No one teaches us that plurals can be created by adding an 's . ' No one teaches us that adding ' - ed ' to verbs will usually result in the past tense . We simply abstract those rules of grammar by listening to those around us . Young children often say ' foots ' or ' goed ' instead of ' feet or ' went . ' They didn 't hear those words ; they just figured it out . That 's remarkable ! Of course , they have to learn later that there are exceptions to many of the rules . " They regularize but too often . That regularization of verbs also occurs as part of our language 's evolution . Some verbs that were once irregular become regularized . Holp has become helped . Swole has become swelled . Chode has become chidded . What 's intriguing is that this happens mostly to words that are used less frequently . High frequency verbs tend to stay irregular . I assume because you hear the irregular usage a lot . Choose , chose - not choosed . Do , did - not doed . Catch , caught , - not catched . Is , was , - not beed . Those are the kinds of errors children often make as the apply that - ed rule . Then there are the words that are currently in transition where your hear both forms used . You 're likely to hear both burnt and burned , dreamt and dreamed , proven and proved , shown and showed , leapt and leaped . I imagine , however , that in a few decades the transition will be complete , and you will only hear the regularized version . It perplexes me that American English has more regularization the British English . For example , we 're more likely to say burned ; they 're more likely to say burnt . Why ? Was it Churchill who said of us that we were two countries divided by a common language . Indeed . A Monday ritual . A single image - no words - capturing a moment from the past . A simple moment along my life 's Journey - but one over which I wish to linger and savor each treasured aspect of the memories it evokes . If you are moved or intrigued by my { this moment } , please leave a comment . On Thursday in a companion ritual called { this memory } , I 'll share the story of this moment . { this moment } is a ritual copied and adapted from cath 's wonderful blog ~ just my thoughts . She , in turn , borrowed it from Pamanner 's Blog . Check out their blogs , and if you 're inspired to do the same , leave a link to your { this moment } in the comments for each of us to find and see . Two nuns were traveling by car throughout Europe . They got to Transylvania and were stopped at a traffic light . Suddenly , a diminutive Dracula jumped onto the hood of their car and scratched the windshield ! " Quick , quick ! " shouted the first nun , " What shall I do ? " " Turn on the windshield wipers . That will get rid of this abomination , " shouted the second . The nun switched them on , knocking Dracula about , but he hung on and hissed at them loudly ! " What shall I do now ? " shouted the first nun . " Switch on the windshield washer . I filled it with Holy Water when we stopped in the Vatican ! " said the second . Two weeks ago , I baked bread . I didn 't make what you see in this image , but certainly I did bake bread . " Big deal , " you say . . . . I just can 't let it go ! This is what I get for reading so much YA fantasy , I suppose , instead of legit grown - up literary stuff . Most . . . Two weeks ago , I baked bread . I didn 't make what you see in this image , but certainly I did bake bread . " Big deal , " you say . . . . It 's Hajra 's fault - piling the work on , but it had to be done , I suppose . Janine made her do it , after all . The challenge was to . . . Copyright © 2010 - 14 Thomas G . Brown . Copyright © 2014 - 15 Amy E . Caruso Brown . All Rights Reserved . Simple theme . Theme images by luoman . Powered by Blogger .
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I had been asked to relate the themes of independence , dependence , and interdependence to the larger issue of disability . I quickly remarked that I was uncertain I have ever felt really dependent , but I knew that I would not like being fully dependent upon another person . There is very little in my life that I cannot do , although the list is growing . There are things that others do for me , but that is primarily because I can be lazy . The things I can do for myself that I let others do - well , there was a time when I could not do these things , and that is generally when the other individual began to do them . It just continued . There are days when I feel stronger , and I could certainly do some of those things . I imagine tying my shoes , my sneakers , is about the only thing in my life that I absolutely cannot do . I can even still tie a necktie with one hand if need be . It is , however , a marvel of digital dexterity to watch . I also drive a car with a manual transmission . I probably should not be - according to many people . I have to let go of the steering wheel when I shift gears , but that is not as bad as it might sound . If you think about it , most shifting occurs at slower speeds , and it is only for a second or two that I let go . I have learned shift earlier than one might normally shift or later than one might normally shift so that I am shifting when it is safer to let go of the steering wheel . For example , I never shift while I 'm turning my car . Nor do I like the idea of being without a car , although I could always get a car with an automatic . A car is a necessity here , and if I could not drive , I think I would have to consider moving to an area with better public transportation . I cannot imagine being home bound . I am certain I would dislike having to be completely dependent up on another for some aspect of my life . When I say that , I find myself thinking about the elderly who are so resistant to giving up their drivers ' licenses - even when there are significant safety concerns . I understand their fear that when they most need to do something , the someone they rely on to help them might not be there . Once again I am plumbing the poetic depths - what was once a ritual . The challenge was to ' write a poem about playing a game . ' I 'm thinking that with two daughters , this is ezpz . What 's also true is that although I 'm soon bankrupt , no one is richer . A preacher visited an elderly woman from his congregation . As he sat on the couch he notices a large bowl of peanuts on the coffee table . " Mind if I have a few ? " he asked . Moi . Younger daughter . Older daughter . Better half . Not certain who the fellow is behind us . We 're at Emory University School of Medicine and in the Robert W . Woodruff Health Sciences Center in 2002 . Now that I think about it , that guy behind us might be Woodruff himself . He was president of Coca - Cola ™ from 1923 - 1954 . He ( with his brother ) gave almost a quarter billion dollars to Emory . But I digress . We were there for the White Coat Ceremony given to mark a " pivotal transition " into the medical profession and to identify students as physicians . During the ceremony , first year medical students take the Oath of Hippocrates where they swear to practice medicine ethically and are given the white coats that will recognize them as students of medicine . Similar to a graduation ceremony , new students walked onto the stage one - by - one as their names were called . Doctors and faculty members stood on stage and dressed students in white coats . I had asked one of my daughters for permission to use a photograph of hers for { this moment } 2 , and when I asked her what she remembered about the day of the photograph , she characterized it as one of the five best days of her life . In another email she was able to tell me what the other four were . She had clearly given this some serious thought . It reminds me of the scene in The Way We Were in which old friends identify their best day together or best week or best year or best anything as a way of reminiscing . It seems to me a worthwhile exercise and a way to take stock of one 's life so far . Are your best ever days reflective of what you hoped would be important to you ? Although I have a third of a century more than my daughter to parse , I 'm thinking that probably makes it easier . Four of my five are about family , and one is professional . I 'm content with that . 1 . September 23 , 1981 : birth of my first child , a daughter - in fact , the one I mention above . A bit of this is described in the post referenced below , and I remember it as if it were yesterday . Because the birth was a C - section , I held and rocked my daughter long before my wife . Oh , my - there just aren 't words for that emotion . I also remember making all of the phone calls from a phone booth ! Remember those days with no cell phones ? Part of our pre - delivery preparation was to be sure I had enough coins to call everyone with the news and to share the name we had selected for a girl . 3 . May 19 , 2002 : commencement at the University of Virginia . This was my older daughter 's graduation , but that was only part of joy . I had missed my own UVa graduation 32 years earlier as I recovered from a serious illness . My wife - unbeknownst to me - had written the president of UVa , shared my story , and asked if I ( as a professor and former college president ) might march down the Lawn with my daughter . He did her one better . I marched , but only after exiting the Rotunda with the platform party and walking the full length of the Lawn with the VIPs . It was a good day , and I shall never forget what my wife arranged for me nor will I forget the kindness of President Casteen . 4 . Multiple unspecified dates : any of those days when former students return to the college after 10 or 20 or even 30 or more years and tell me I made a difference in their lives . What more can I ask for . It is , after all , why professors do what professors do . In my email signature I often use a quote from William James . " The best use of life is to spend it for something that outlasts life . " If James be right , those students are telling me I 've made good use of life . Nice . 5 . November 18 , 1977 : first date with my wife . For a couple of months I had been pestering a mutual friend to introduce us . He was not sure she was " ready to date " having lost her husband to cancer the previous December . We were finally introduced and began to date . We were several dates into a budding romance when I learned what kind of cancer had taken her husband . My heart sank upon hearing it was Hodgkin 's Lymphoma . I knew I had no choice , but how was I going to tell her that I was only four years out from my last treatment for the same illness . It may have been the hardest conversation I ever had , but I told her I would understand if she wanted to stop seeing me . To her credit , she didn 't run away , and the rest , as they say , is history . 6 . Six ? - but that 's cheating , you say . I suppose , but I 'm not really going to list anything here . I just wanted to acknowledge that is no shortage of special people and special moments in my life - some that were incredibly powerful and moving . Glorious and vivid . I am blessed . Let me explain . I have " License Plates for People With Severe Disabilities " as New York State so caringly labels them . I earned them , but I don 't always need them . Since there are rarely enough handicapped parking spaces , I frequently leave them for folks with greater need and use a regular space if it doesn 't cause a problem for me . This morning I was at work well before 8 : 00 am and could park anywhere I wanted . I took the space closest to my office , and it was not a handicapped space . The handicapped spaces are a little further away to take advantage of grade and elevators . Those concerns are not usually a problem for me unless I 'm carrying stuff , and that wasn 't the case . This student evidently came in later than I and resented that I had parked where I did . Of course , she could have come in much earlier and had a great choice of spaces . There is no shortage of parking on campus . Her note reveals a lot about her - just not her name . I guess she 's afraid to defend her beliefs , let alone her actions . She could have signed it after indicating she 'd like to talk to me about issues related to disability . It never occurred to her that the driver of the vehicle might not be the individual with a disability and , therefore , could not use the reserved spaces unless that person was with them . I also assume she 's been ticketed for illegally taking a handicapped space . Enough said . What galls me the most , however , is that she is just one more ignoramus who resents that some folks require and have the right reasonable accommodation . It 's been a while since Blogging Against Disablism Day for which I repeated an earlier post . To borrow from that post , this immature student has gotten " my knickers in a twist . . . . some folks can 't stand the fact that others with disabilities get to park closer to where they are going than they do . I call this kind of attitude a leading indicator because if people are still that insensitive to disability issues , there remains much to be done to secure the civil rights of those whose independence is persistently challenged . " It isn 't about me . It 's about how far there is still to go . That 's what irritates me . It 's the refusal to recognize that reasonable accommodation is fundamentally a civil rights issue . All she cares about is that it somehow inconveniences her . I know I repeat myself but until those who are without disability are just as offended and angry about the barriers to independent living as are those who are with disability , . . . well , we 're not there yet . So I 'm irritated , and I 'm sad . I 'm tired too , but that student has no idea just how annoyed someone can be . I 'm not too tired to share my annoyance with this young lady by telling her what a fatuous , petulant , insensitive , egocentric , semi - literate , dysfunctional , puerile , lily - livered , good - for - nothing slubberdegullion she is . So there ! Phew - now I feel better . Thank you very much . By the way , I 've continued to park there , of course . In fact , that space is now been designated as a parking space for " People With Severe Disabilities . " A Monday ritual . A single image - no words - capturing a moment from the past . A simple moment along my life 's Journey - but one over which I wish to linger and savor each treasured aspect of the memories it evokes . If you are moved or intrigued by my { this moment } , please leave a comment . On Thursday in a companion ritual called { this memory } , I 'll share the story of this moment . { this moment } is a ritual copied and adapted from cath 's wonderful blog ~ just my thoughts . She , in turn , borrowed it from Pamanner 's Blog . Check out their blogs , and if you 're inspired to do the same , leave a link to your { this moment } in the comments for each of us to find and see . Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers . The first boy said , " My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper . Then he calls it a poem , and they give him $ 25 . " The second boy said , " That 's nothing . My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper . Then he calls it a song , and they give him $ 200 . " Not to be outdone the third boy said , " I got you both beat . My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper . Then he calls it a sermon , and it takes eight men to collect all the money ! " Look at that face ! If that doesn 't scream " what a beautiful day , " I don 't know what would . That child is literally soaking up the sunshine . " That child " is my older daughter in the summer of 1984 - so she was about three . She is in front of the Alumni Hall residence hall at Utica College . We had sold our home in May and were beginning construction on a new home . Well , we thought we were . As it turned out we didn 't dig the foundation until October . We lived in one of the three bedroom units on campus for the summer . It was great being able to walk to work , but in August we had to vacate . We moved in with my mother - in - law - crowded but we got along very well . I faced many a long day . I would work a the college all day , get a bite to eat , then go work on the new home until 11 : 00 or midnight , and finally collapse into bed after checking on my daughters . There were some very cold nights that winter , but I finally finished . We moved in on July 1 , 1985 . I was challenged to write a poem that included a broken object . I wrote two - with ' object ' being broadly interpreted . They 're silly , but I like them . " Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain , " spoke the actor Frank Morgan in his immortal role as the Wizard of Oz in the 1939 film of the same name . When we heard that - even for the first time - we knew exactly what was going on . We knew that someone was trying to fool someone else . It was so transparent , but it 's not always so obvious . What do you see ? I don 't know about you , but I don 't see perfect concentric circles - no matter how hard I try . This is , however , what is there . Four perfect circles . Such illusions have always been problematic for philosophers and scientists - especially centuries ago . For millennia we believed the psyche was a faithful reproduction of the real world , that there was a one - to - one correlation . It 's perhaps less of a puzzle today , but it is still a challenge to explain the apparent incongruity between sensation ( the four circles your eyes see ) and perception ( whatever those things are that your mind thinks you see ) . Usually I can ' defeat ' illusions with enough concentration , but this one is overpowering . I know the truth of it , but I just can 't get myself to see it . That must be what is going on in America today where good hearted people - strong and true - refuse to believe what they know must be true . They continue to buy into the misrepresentations of those who got us into this mess . I don 't want to oversimplify nor do I want to single out any one group . There is plenty of blame to go around . But I ran out of patience with these governmental hypocrites long ago , and I fear I am beginning to give up on my fellow citizens as well . At some point you have to ask to be treated like an adult and to be given the truth . Demand it . Insist that they stop giving you what you want to hear . Stop with the illusions which I admit are mildly amusing and feel good , but they serve only to distort the reality of a precarious time in our history . A Monday ritual . A single image - no words - capturing a moment from the past . A simple moment along my life 's Journey - but one over which I wish to linger and savor each treasured aspect of the memories it evokes . If you are moved or intrigued by my { this moment } , please leave a comment . On Thursday in a companion ritual called { this memory } , I 'll share the story of this moment . { this moment } is a ritual copied and adapted from cath 's wonderful blog ~ just my thoughts . She , in turn , borrowed it from Pamanner 's Blog . Check out their blogs , and if you 're inspired to do the same , leave a link to your { this moment } in the comments for each of us to find and see . Pat and Mike were walking down the street . When they came to the church , Pat said , " Mike , you wait here . I 'm going to run in for confession . It 's been a long time . " Back on the street , Mike said , " Well , how did you do ? " Pat said , " Just fine . I kept me mouth shut and got three new prospects ! " Author Unknown Posted by We 're in our backyard in Norfolk , Virginia - just off of Granby Street and not far from Ocean View . The year is 1951 , maybe 1952 . My brother ( older by almost five years ) and I are trying to stay cool on an obviously hot afternoon ( I can tell from the shadows ) . Please note we spared no expense to jury - rig a pool - looks like a shower curtain but was probably some military surplus . The memories evoked for me have to do with family . My brother and I are not close and never were . Our interests are different , our life styles are different , our religious orientations are different , our politics are different . We 're just different , but . . . we 're brothers . Growing up , however , I did everything I could to irritate him , and my mother says I was very good at it . Nevertheless , he let me live . When he has needed my help , I have been more than happy to be there . If he needs it again , I 'll be there . I 'd like to think he feels the same . Friends may come and go , but one 's family is forever . As they say , blood is thicker than water . For the past few years I have been learning to embrace ambiguity . I confess my pace has been slow , but it has also been steady . There is , thank goodness , evidence of real progress . Throughout my 40 + years as a laboratory scientist I always searched for answers to questions that would provide the striking clarity of black and white , even though I knew the world was decidedly gray . It was , in fact , the one thing of which I was absolutely certain . Yet there is for most of us something comfortable in the simplicity of a world with well - defined boxes , however shallow that view may be . Living in the present offers us a similar ambiguity , and it would surely be easier to look forward to an end point or to focus on a goal . Similarly , most of us are naturally drawn toward the illusion that we might know where our life 's journey is leading , and such simple certainty once again provides familiar comfort . To be here now , however , to trust in the moment , to be content with what is , and to enjoy just being - within these values we can discover genuine clarity . Learning to Be the Journey is difficult , but striving to attain that wisdom affords us a truer and more assured path of contentment and serenity . Patience , Grasshopper . It 's hard to be certain what triggers a memory . In this case it may have been something to do with disability discrimination or perhaps a billboard sign , but I think it was the disrespect that is so often directed at President Obama , disrespect that is so clearly racial in its underpinnings . Some may not even realize that this is what drives their behavior , but I have no doubt . I grew up in the South , born in Virginia . My mom was born in Arkansas . My two namesakes , a grandfather and an uncle , were born in Georgia and in Arkansas , respectively . At the same time I have spent the last two - thirds of my life living in the North - which harbors just as much racism as the South , by the way , and in some ways it 's worse . I had hoped we , as a country , were further along the road to diversity equality than we are . It hurts . I saw so much ugliness growing up , and I want it to disappear forever . After retiring from the pulpit in the late 50s , my maternal grandparents moved into a home in Little Rock only a few blocks from Central High , although a couple of years after the integration crisis . I can remember seeing large roadside billboard signs shouting " Impeach Earl Warren . " Warren was the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court that unanimously decided Brown v . Board of Education . Those signs are the old dormant memory that was triggered , and it 's been on my mind of late . As a third grader , I never got much of an answer when I wondered aloud what the signs were about . My parents sheltered me , I guess , from racism , but perhaps from other races as well . My brother has always asserted that my parents moved us to Virginia Beach rather than Norfolk to avoid a growing black population . Schools were one step beyond separate but equal , and you chose which one you wanted to go to . Except when there was little choice , whites preferred to stay in white majority schools and blacks in black majority schools . Voluntarily . That separation was clearer in Virginia Beach of that era . In fact , it 's remarkable that I never shared classroom space with a black student until I started teaching college in Utica . That 's after twelve years of public schooling ( scattered among three states ) , four years of college , and five years of graduate school . It wasn 't by choice . In the late 60s , I saw a fraternity brother jump out of his chair and cheer when he learned of the shooting of Martin Luther King , Jr . and another brother make it clear that he would blackball any prospective pledge who was black - not the terminology that was used , by the way . Ugh . There is more to dredge up but no reason to . I know racism when I see it - no matter how subtle it is , no matter how much in denial is its owner . It runs far deeper that I thought though , and the way our president is treated is evidence of that . Perhaps the next generation will be the one to make a difference . In the meantime , I shall continue to do my part and question verbally those whose words or actions are racist or discriminatory . As I observe my polarized country today , my head tells me it 's going to get worse before it gets better . Sigh . A Monday ritual . A single image - no words - capturing a moment from the past . A simple moment along my life 's Journey - but one over which I wish to linger and savor each treasured aspect of the memories it evokes . If you are moved or intrigued by my { this moment } , please leave a comment . On Thursday in a companion ritual called { this memory } , I 'll share the story of this moment . { this moment } is a ritual copied and adapted from cath 's wonderful blog ~ just my thoughts . She , in turn , borrowed it from Pamanner 's Blog . Check out their blogs , and if you 're inspired to do the same , leave a link to your { this moment } in the comments for each of us to find and see . Going over our church finances I found a receipt from a local paint store signed by someone named Christian . I wasn 't aware of anyone buying paint , so I called the store to point out its mistake . " I 'm sorry , " I told the manager , " but there are no Christians here at First Baptist Church . " One Easter Sunday morning as the pastor was preaching a children 's sermon , he reached into his bag of props and pulled out an egg . He pointed at the egg and asked the children , " What 's in here ? " " I know , I know ! " a little boy exclaimed , " pantyhose ! " Mom and me in early spring of 1970 . I 'm 21 ; she 's almost 50 . What you can 't see is we are standing next to my 1970 Mustang Mach - 1 ( next car over ) . Zoom . We 're in front of my apartment on Stadium Road near the University of Virginia . It 's actually my sideburns that give me the date . I spent four years in ROTC where those sideburns would not be tolerated . In January , however , I became physically ineligible for service because of a December diagnosis of Hodgkin 's Lymphoma . As soon as I could , I grew those sideburns - especially after having the left side of my head shaved during my diagnostic workup . Anyway , my parents were there with me as I began radiation therapy at the University Medical Center , and we were saying good - bye now that they were convinced I would survive the linear accelerator . Parents ! - but I can 't blame them for their concern , especially now that I 'm a parent . I 'm sure that even then it was hard for them to leave . The University had a tradition of students wearing coats and ties in those days - so my outfit is nothing special . You can 't read it , but the lapel pin says πKø ( that last should be ' phi ' which isn 't on this keyboard ) . Pi Kappa Phi was / is my fraternity and one of the best things that happened to me at the University . Foremost , it is our crowning intellectual achievement as a species . I made that point in Through the Looking Glass . " Never again in our lifetimes will we achieve anything as complex and profound as our ability to share what is essentially an infinity of shades of meaning . Furthermore we are able to do this in a novel fashion each time - even if we wish to express exactly the same message . " What I have been thinking about lately , though , is the dynamism of a given language . English , in particular , is in constant change . New words emerge , and a few disappear - so the lexicon is always changing although the rules stay pretty much the same . To quote myself again , " Language is also a gift most of us develop with minimal effort . No one teaches us that plurals can be created by adding an 's . ' No one teaches us that adding ' - ed ' to verbs will usually result in the past tense . We simply abstract those rules of grammar by listening to those around us . Young children often say ' foots ' or ' goed ' instead of ' feet or ' went . ' They didn 't hear those words ; they just figured it out . That 's remarkable ! Of course , they have to learn later that there are exceptions to many of the rules . " They regularize but too often . That regularization of verbs also occurs as part of our language 's evolution . Some verbs that were once irregular become regularized . Holp has become helped . Swole has become swelled . Chode has become chidded . What 's intriguing is that this happens mostly to words that are used less frequently . High frequency verbs tend to stay irregular . I assume because you hear the irregular usage a lot . Choose , chose - not choosed . Do , did - not doed . Catch , caught , - not catched . Is , was , - not beed . Those are the kinds of errors children often make as the apply that - ed rule . Then there are the words that are currently in transition where your hear both forms used . You 're likely to hear both burnt and burned , dreamt and dreamed , proven and proved , shown and showed , leapt and leaped . I imagine , however , that in a few decades the transition will be complete , and you will only hear the regularized version . It perplexes me that American English has more regularization the British English . For example , we 're more likely to say burned ; they 're more likely to say burnt . Why ? Was it Churchill who said of us that we were two countries divided by a common language . Indeed . A Monday ritual . A single image - no words - capturing a moment from the past . A simple moment along my life 's Journey - but one over which I wish to linger and savor each treasured aspect of the memories it evokes . If you are moved or intrigued by my { this moment } , please leave a comment . On Thursday in a companion ritual called { this memory } , I 'll share the story of this moment . { this moment } is a ritual copied and adapted from cath 's wonderful blog ~ just my thoughts . She , in turn , borrowed it from Pamanner 's Blog . Check out their blogs , and if you 're inspired to do the same , leave a link to your { this moment } in the comments for each of us to find and see . Two nuns were traveling by car throughout Europe . They got to Transylvania and were stopped at a traffic light . Suddenly , a diminutive Dracula jumped onto the hood of their car and scratched the windshield ! " Quick , quick ! " shouted the first nun , " What shall I do ? " " Turn on the windshield wipers . That will get rid of this abomination , " shouted the second . The nun switched them on , knocking Dracula about , but he hung on and hissed at them loudly ! " What shall I do now ? " shouted the first nun . " Switch on the windshield washer . I filled it with Holy Water when we stopped in the Vatican ! " said the second . Two weeks ago , I baked bread . I didn 't make what you see in this image , but certainly I did bake bread . " Big deal , " you say . . . . I just can 't let it go ! This is what I get for reading so much YA fantasy , I suppose , instead of legit grown - up literary stuff . Most . . . Two weeks ago , I baked bread . I didn 't make what you see in this image , but certainly I did bake bread . " Big deal , " you say . . . . It 's Hajra 's fault - piling the work on , but it had to be done , I suppose . Janine made her do it , after all . The challenge was to . . . Copyright © 2010 - 14 Thomas G . Brown . Copyright © 2014 - 15 Amy E . Caruso Brown . All Rights Reserved . Simple theme . Theme images by luoman . Powered by Blogger .
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Author : BYI 'm a 30 something girl from Colorado . I 'm a follower of Christ , wife , theology enthusiast , mountain - loving hiker / camper / backpacker and professional photographer . Out of the Blue On March 26 , 2017March 26 , 2017 By BYIn Blog , countercultural , God , ministry , serving2 Comments A while back , David and I left our old church . It was something we had been feeling the Lord calling us to do for a while which we had initially resisted . We had friends at our old church , enjoyed the teaching and generally felt at home there . We eventually stepped out in obedience and began the search for a new church . It didn 't take long before we found it . And when we did , it was like spiritual fireworks went off in both of our hearts . This was the place for us . From the very beginning , we have had nothing but stellar experiences , from easily finding a multiple places to serve , to having very meaningful conversations with the head pastor , to joining a small group that was full of a diverse bunch of awesome people . Everything has just been amazing . Our small group is probably the biggest source of life - giving spiritual encouragement I have ever experienced . In the past , Christian community always felt hard . I never quite felt like I belonged . Our current small group is like a breath of fresh air . It 's a mix of people from all stages of life and it 's lead by one of the teaching pastors at our church named Charlie ( we have 3 teaching pastors who rotate preaching , it 's brilliant ! ) . Over the last year , David and I have gotten to know Charlie and his wife and they have been so great to us . Encouraging . Kind . Supportive . Challenging . Friends . 3 weeks ago as we walked into their house for small group , Charlie greeted us at the door and said " Hey ! has Brad ( lead teaching pastor ) called you yet ? " I looked at him quizzically and said no , then I inquired about why Brad would be calling me . " Oh , your name came up as we were talking about ministry leadership positions at the church . I 'm sure he 'll call you soon . " And that was all the info I could squeeze out of him . Sure enough , the next day Brad called . He talked to me about how my name had some up several times as a recommendation for a position at the church that would soon have a vacancy . I was excited and anxious to hear more about it , I couldn 't wait to understand exactly what Brad was referring to . As he kept talking , my excitement and anticipation kept building . And then he said 4 words which came falling out of the blue and are still ringing in my ears today : Director of Women 's Ministry . On the whole , except for a few positive experiences , women 's ministry and I have a pretty bad track record . It has made me feel like an unworthy infertile woman . Always overlooked , insulted and excluded . It is where I 've received all sorts of awful " advice " like , " maybe if God saw your faith grow , He would bless you with a baby . " It 's where I quietly sat and listened to moms complain about their children , swap childbirth stories and give each other parenting advice . It 's where eyes would land on me and then quickly move on to someone more relatable . That was my gut reaction at least . My knee - jerk reaction of oh hellllll no . Find another girl . Find someone other than me . I 'm not strong enough and I don 't have the fight left in me to keep trying to turn people 's eyes to Jesus instead of their children . Fast forward to today and I 'm singing a different tune . God has been patient and gracious with me , slowly changing my mind and giving me perspective . I had a meeting with Charlie last week to talk more about the position because he would be the overseeing pastor of it and my boss . He told me that he specifically recommended me for the job because of , not in spite of , the fact that I do not have children . He thought it would bring further health to the ministry to have a somewhat nontraditional woman leading it . He thought it might help bring other women who lurk in the shadows forward . Maybe they would see me and feel like it was a safe place for them to come too . So I 'm finally at a place where my head and my heart agree that this would probably be a really good fit for me . Charlie is very spiritual formationally - minded so he has his eyes fixed on the same things that I do , like listening prayer workshops , spiritual retreats and deep and theological teaching for the women in this ministry . Our visions couldn 't align better and it would bring in everything I 'm currently learning at Denver Seminary . Charlie feels this is a 20 - 30 hour / week job . I work 20 - 40 hours / week with my photography business and another 10 - 15 hours / week with grad school . I 'm maxed out as it is . I 'm not quite sure how I would even have enough hours in the day to fit ministry in . I have weddings booked through December 2017 so it would be at least 9 months before I could scale back and probably 1 - 2 years before I could stop it altogether . I just added a 2nd employee to my team so it 's not just me I have to worry about either . As I pray about this ( which it seems like is non - stop these days ) I keep getting the sense from the Lord that this is the right opportunity but the wrong time . I think He is delighted that my heart did a 180 and that I actually feel excited about this prospect . I think He is overjoyed that I am willing to step out of my fear and into this position . But I also hear Him cautioning me to be careful with my time . Going 90mph and 60 + hours per week is not exactly a healthy way to enter into ministry . I meet with Brad on Thursday to discuss things further . Maybe there is room for negotiation about how much time I commit to this position . Or maybe I tell him that for now I will take my name out of the hat and trust the Lord 's timing to bring me back one day when I 'm able to fully devote myself to the ministry . Either way , it 's been so encouraging to see how God has used a source of pain in my life for His glory . How He has used something that has historically hurt me to now encourage my heart forward in ministry . On October 19 , 2016 By BYIn Blog , personal , photography , school , seminary , travelLeave a comment For the first time in almost 7 years , I let my blogging lapse . It 's been a little over 3 months since I last visited this space or even had a thought to begin writing . I 've actually enjoyed the break and there might be more in the future . I 've also found that since starting a personal Instagram account that is separate from my business , I 'm sharing a lot more over in that space which has kind of almost replaced blogging . I don 't have the energy to write anything in - depth , so I thought a little bullet point update would suffice . The house . Oh this house ! We 've had a love - hate relationship ever since moving in . The previous owners opted to not clean … ever , so we had a pretty gross situation on our hands after we closed . It took me a solid week of scrubbing + professional cleaners to finally get to a point where I 'd walk on the floors barefoot . Immediately upon buying this house , things began breaking : air conditioning , pipes , sewer lines , electrical system , toilets . You name it , it broke . In the midst of that , we decided to do a little updating too . Hey , if you 're already sinking gobs of money into repairs , why not just keep your wallet open and do a few fun things too ? ! So we installed hardwood floors , solar tubes and redid most of the kitchen . And now we are officially done . Done with updates and hopefully done with repairs . At least for now 🙂 To be honest , I haven 't been in town enough for this place to feel like home yet . It feels like a wonderful place to lay my head , but it doesn 't feel like home . I hope that changes in the months to come because I really do love it and I 'm very thankful to be here , even if it 's only for a few days at a time . Closing day Kitchen is all done now ! Bahamas ! We went to the Bahamas for a week to celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary . It 's hard to believe that it 's already been a decade ! We had to wait until after closing to make any travel plans so as to not throw off bank account numbers for the underwriting of the loan . So with 3 weeks so spare , we made a last minute decision to go to the Bahamas . We stayed on the island of Great Exuma , which is a smaller and quieter island compared to Nassau or Paradise Island . Our hotel was great , the beach was gorgeous and it was a great way for us to decompress and reconnect . We didn 't do much other than hang at the beach , read , drink pina coladas , golf and enjoy yummy food all week . Photography insanity . With fall came 21 weddings and elopements for my company to photograph . They were all over the state so consequently every week I was traveling and running from one place to the next . The leaves here in Colorado are just gorgeous in the fall and I have a lot of out of state clients who travel here to take advantage of the beauty . Our window is pretty small for how long the leaves stick around so I wound up packing in as many weddings as possible . One week we had 8 weddings in 7 days . Bananas . It was beautiful but oh - so exhausting . I 'm actually pretty mad at myself for allowing things to get so crazy . I live an intentionally slow life with a lot of breathing room and margin , so to take on this much work is really not my norm . I think it was a combination of needing money for the house , trying to prove that " I 'm back " after taking most of last year off due to surgery , and pride . Bad combo . Lesson learned . My heart . As life is slowing down , I 'm starting to get a handle on my emotions , my heart , the pace of my life and my focus . This has been a hard year with David 's health , coming to terms with life after brain surgery , family problems , selling our dream house , living 8 months in a basement , moving to a new town and a new church . My emotions went wild for a few months , dipping to the lowest of lows as depression returned . David was right there with me for a while at the bottom . We hung out there for many months , looking for hope , looking for reasons to keep going . Now that we are in our own space again and the cloud has lifted a little I can feel my heart settling , calming , lifting . It 's tempting to say that I 'm " returning to normal " but the thing is , there 's no returning to anything . Things are different now . So much has happened in the last 2 years ( err , 7 ? ) to shake up my normal that there 's really nothing left to return to . Now it 's about pressing forward . School . Fall semester at Denver Seminary started at the end of August , right when the pace of my photography picked up dramatically . At the last second , I switched to an on - line class taught by one of the professors who founded my Christian Formation & Soul care program . I couldn 't pass up learning from him ! Studying on - line this semester has been helpful since I just don 't have the time to drive to campus each week but it 's also hard in that you don 't have an opportunity to really interact with people in a classroom . I am looking forward to the rest of the semester because we 're going to make use of some video conferencing and I 'll finally have time to focus . I guess that 's all for now . Maybe I 'll write sooner than 3 months from now . Or maybe not ! We 'll just see how the Spirit moves 🙂 On July 13 , 2016 By BYIn Blog , decorating , home , hope , house2 Comments We have been living with my in - laws since January , when we sold our previous home . It 's been a really hard 6 months . Absolutely nothing has seemed to go our way in these few months . So when we went under contract on this house , I had a very hard time believing something wouldn 't go wrong . The seller is a bit odd - he 's very unpredictable , a little unethical , he lies and I think he has a touch of dementia as well . Not a great combo . Each week that went by , I held my breath for The Big Let - Down . News that he decided to keep the house or that he wants to renegotiate to a higher price . News that there were structural issues or that the house didn 't appraise and the deal would fall through . I realize how impossibly pessimistic that sounds . I 'm quite aware of how far I 've fallen from my previously endlessly - hopeful self . But I think that is starting to change . We are now 2 days away from closing and the seller has officially moved out . I went over to the house yesterday to try and match flooring samples . I had a key and I let myself in ( with his permission of course ) . And there it was . This beautiful , empty home sitting before me . A home we have prayed for . A home that made me cry when I first walked in . A home we have agonized over . A home we almost lost to a higher bid . It 's lovely really . And in 48 hours it will be ours , Lord willing . I stood in the doorway and let it sink in a little bit . This house , this wonderful , quirky house is about to be ours . For the first time in a long time , I allowed myself to warm up to the idea that maybe the winds are shifting . Maybe a stream of good luck and God 's favor is coming our way . Maybe things are going to be less hard . Or maybe not , but at least we 'll have a cute house to weather the storms in haha ! 🙂 I would love for this house to represent a new chapter in our life . I don 't want to walk into it with armfuls of baggage . I 'd like to carefully store those bags in the garage and walk into the house with a fresh sense of hope and a renewed perspective on life . If our old house represented the ICU ward of a hospital where we recovered ( sometimes literally and sometimes figuratively ) from the wounds of life , then I want this home to represent a retreat center . A place of restoration , refreshment , relaxation , healing , inspiration , peace and wholeness . And as I stood in the empty spaces of what will hopefully soon be ours , I was overwhelmed by the possibility of what could be as I picture us enjoying summer evenings on the patio and snuggling around the fireplace at Christmas . I finally let down my guard and allowed myself to indulge in the possibility that this house will be a place of comfort for us . It is evidence that perhaps the seas of life are getting a bit calmer . Picture time ! This was the first time I have ever been in the house alone . The first time where the seller wasn 't sitting around in his pajamas eating food and brushing crumbs everywhere ( this was a For Sale By Owner situation , so he didn 't play by any of the traditional real estate rules like leaving the home for a showing or not getting in a fight with the inspector etc ) . The first time where I haven 't been distracted by his incessant talking to actually have a solid look around . The first time I 've seen it empty . Our seller ripped out brand new white carpet and installed navy carpet ( with polka dots ! ) in the lower level of the home . We want to replace that ( obviously ) and do hardwood . The wood in the rest of the entire house is solid strand bamboo and it is in fabulous shape . My attempts to match hardwood have been fun . In the 3 years since the initial wood was laid , the stains have changed ever so slightly and now nothing is a perfect match . I stalked was able to get in touch with the prior owners and she graciously told me where they purchased the wood from so I think I 'm getting closer to a good match . And if it 's not perfect , that 's ok too ! I 've been staring at various shades of white paint for a long time . I 'd like to find one with just a subtle undertone of grey which would contrast well with bright white trim / fireplace / doors / kitchen cabinets . There 's not a ton of natural light in the house so anything we can do to brighten things up will help , like skylights and solar tubes ( getting an estimate on those next week ! ) . We have our closing set at 11am on Friday , then we 'll grab lunch to celebrate before a few contractors come by for bids on flooring install and random jobs to be done . Our POD is scheduled to be delivered on Saturday . Can we just talk about what a huge surprise opening that thing is going to be ? ! David and I were in the hospital when the movers packed it and it was carried away , so I never supervised any of the moving process . To be honest , I still don 't know where our POD is being stored . All I know is that we will see it soon . It should be fun to rediscover our stuff after almost 7 months ! Thank you Jesus that the end of our nomadic basement - dwelling life is near and that we are about to have a space of our own again . This is going to be a good good good weekend ! On June 8 , 2016 By BYIn Blog , childless , childless not by choice , friends3 Comments Well , I did it . I hosted my very first Meetup for women without children in my town . I was so afraid going in . Afraid no one would show up . Afraid I would say something presumptuous or embarrassing . Afraid of awkward silence . Afraid that maybe God is just determined to keep me isolated from anyone else who might have circumstances that resembles my own . I went into that restaurant not knowing a single woman without children , and I left with 5 new friends who share a common bond with me . We sat down at the table and all breathed a collective sigh of relief that we were in a safe place . You could just see it in some of their eyes … the joy of finding a whole table of people who just " get it . " The contentment of knowing there would be an entire dinner conversation without mention of breastfeeding , nap time , soccer schedules or some other trigger . Sweet relief . I dare not assume that all of these women are in my boat . I honestly don 't know their stories yet . My guess is that most of our boats are so unique that there is only room for 1 person to row . But we each managed to drift our rafts into the same radius of calm water on a clear evening , close enough to wave to each other and chat . Thankfully , everyone was pretty darn normal ( relatively speaking , ha ! ) . We all knew how to converse well , ask good questions , laugh at each other 's jokes , share stories , attentively listen and not overshare ( tempting though , isn 't it ? The second I met them , I wanted to just gush my entire life story ) . It was just a fun , simple evening getting to know one another over chocolate . Yes , chocolate . The restaurant we went to specializes in chocolate ; chocolate martinis , chocolate ravioli , truffles , soufflés , pie … chocolate everything . And it was fa - bu - lous ! Over the past 2 weeks , I 've had over 30 women sign up for this group . Many of them emailed me to say thank you for creating a space where they can meet others like them . One of the members even took the initiative to help me schedule a future meetup in 2 weeks : dinner at a local food truck rally ! There is talk of brunch and evening hikes too as the year goes on . Fun ! So all in all , I have to say it was a surprising success and I am so thankful I had the guts to go out on a limb . I learned that there are indeed others out there who are like me . We may not share the same path , the same beliefs , direction in life or worldview . But we have a common bond over something that is markedly absent in our lives . And sometimes , it just feels good to know you 're not alone . On May 31 , 2016 By BYIn adventure , countercultural , life on the road , travel , wanderlust1 Comment The first half of 2016 was not terribly kind to us . David got seriously sick with 2 pulmonary embolisms in his lungs and almost died , I was still trying to fully recover from brain surgery , we lost a house we were trying to buy , a crazy lady surfaced at David 's work and took him to mediation ( if you know my husband at all , you know how craaazy that sounds . He is maybe the kindest , quietest and most caring person in the world ) , we became basement dwellers in my in - law 's house as we waded through the hopeless housing market , I felt depression begin to resurface after a 10 year hiatus . Everything was looking pretty dismal . We 've had some crazy nights during these last few months . Nights where we bought cold beer and drove out of town to sit under the stars and have conversations I never thought we 'd have . Nights where the tears wouldn 't stop . Nights where I worried about David . Nights where he worried about me . We took walks in the dark of night . We clung to each other for dear life before falling asleep . 7 years of trials had finally caught up with us . We had many nights where we tossed out crazy ideas and discussed " what ifs . " Like , what if we just got the hell outta here ? What if we just left ? Like , leave it all behind . What if we took the equity from our house , bought an RV and just left town . Didn 't tell anyone . Just left . We could kiss our attempts to live a " normal " life with the rest of society goodbye and just do our own thing . Ultimately , God intervened with a house . We bought a precious little bungalow and decided maybe we 'd stay in town a little while after - all . If it weren 't for that house , we 'd be long gone by now . When we were on our trip to Utah , we encountered many people living the life that we almost lived . We 'd pass a VW van barreling down the highway with the windows rolled down and sun - tanned faces smiling in the wind . We 'd walk by a camper that was stocked with food from the latest grocery store , 80 miles away . We 'd smile at a single woman and her dog as they walked back " home " which was a campervan with a doormat laying on the wet pavement . We 'd catch a glimpse of a solar panel powering someone 's laptop in their RV as they answered emails and got a little business done . It made me realize that there is a whole other world out there . A community of people who are perpetually on the road ( and I 'm not talking about retirees who are strategically vacationing in their motorhomes ) . These wanderers are not homeless . They are very much at home . Home is the road . They work from their RVs and Airstreams . They make a steady income . They live simply , in no more than 400 sq . feet of space . They see new things and meet new people with each week that goes by . For whatever reason , these folks feel that life on the road is better than life at home , wherever home may have been at one time . Some of them are surely running away from their problems , like David and I would have been . But some of them seem utterly content to maintain a nomadic lifestyle , they aren 't running from anything or to anything . They simply enjoy life in the moment , wherever that may be . Call it perpetual wanderlust . Instagram is a fascinating way to look at the lives of this wandering sub - community . Hashtags like # vanlife # airstreamdreams # sheroams # homeiswhereyouparkit bring up images of hundreds of people who are living in this countercultural way . They 've given up their mortgages and desks for camp stoves and folding chairs . Honestly , there is an entire community of landscape photographers that do this full - time . One of my photographic inspirations , Sarah Marino , lives in her Airstream with her husband and travels throughout the US taking photos to sustain her business . Photography is a beautiful way to sustain this way of life . Since being home , our conversations about buying a camper , RV , Airstream or some other type of mobile housing have continued . We talk about early retirement , living on the road full - time vs . part - time . We talk about the benefits of having a " home base " here in Colorado . We talk about passive and active revenue streams . We are not talking in what - ifs anymore . What - ifs have morphed into strategic vision and meaningful plans for creating a different kind of life . It stopped being about running away . It started being about cultivating a life that we both feel drawn to , and have been for many years . I read a book for class the other week called Searching For Home : Spirituality for Restless Souls by Craig Barnes ( great book if you 're interested ) . It 's all about how we wander through life in search of meaning and a destination . Some literally wander in their VW van , across state lines and through National Parks . Others wander through relationships , jobs , churches , friendships , the newest technology . They get married because they think it will make them happy . They have children because they think they will finally feel fulfilled . They switch jobs . They move states , thinking that a change of scene will bring happiness ( I literally see this in Colorado every day . People flock here in droves looking for a better life . ) . Everyone wanders at some level . But it is possible to wander with a purpose . If you know where our true Destination lies , you 're never just adrift . There 's a difference between wandering aimlessly through life and being a pilgrim with your eyes set on your Heavenly Home as you journey along . As my professor said , " In Christ , home is within us . " Heck , Jesus was a nomad . He wandered from town to town . Paul roamed an entire region , as did most of the apostles . The Desert Fathers intentionally removed themselves from society in order to seek God in the wilderness . Who says the only way to live a godly life is by following American society 's standards of living in a stationary house with a lifelong career , freshly mowed lawn and 2 weeks of vacation each year ? Couldn 't you live an equally obedient , prayerful , God - pleasing life while traveling ? Ministering to your RV neighbors and campground hosts ? Helping a fellow traveler who has broken down on the side of the road ? Volunteering to do trail maintenance and picking up trash in the parks ? Reading the Bible and praying while taking a walk through the forest ? Is that life any less honoring to God ? The whole point to life with God is to receive His love , love Him back and love others in the process . I believe this is possible whether you are living on the road , at home or somewhere in between . If we do this thing , we want to do it well . I want to live a life that deeply fulfilling and also glorifying to God . I think we can cultivate a life on the road that has purpose and is full of meaning , focus , beauty , simplicity , community , friendship , formative growth and intentionality . I 'm pretty sure this will happen . One of these days we 'll have our mortgage paid off , we 'll rent our house out and buy something to travel in . Maybe it will be in 6 months , maybe it will be in 10 years . We 'll just listen for God to whisper now is the time , go . If we 've learned one thing , it 's to never count on your own plans . " You can make many plans , but the Lord 's purpose will prevail " ( Prov 19 : 21 ) . But holding your plans loosely doesn 't mean you can 't keep a dream in the forefront of your mind while you continue to refine a vision that might become a reality . On May 24 , 2016May 24 , 2016 By BYIn childless , childless not by choice , friends4 Comments Have you heard of Meetup ? Essentially it 's a website that organizes " meetups " of people with different interests . There are book clubs , hiking groups , music groups , political groups … basically a group for anything you can imagine . People just gather around a common interest . Well , I was on Meetup the other day looking at the groups they have for the town we just moved to . It was more of a curiosity thing , just looking to see what they had . I happened upon a group for women without children in a town about 50 miles away from me . Just as I found that group , a little box popped up and said " 75 Meetup users in your town have expressed interested in a " childless " group . Would you like to start one ? " Ummmm , no . I really don 't want to start one . I 'm not interested in organizing anything , starting anything or really doing anything outside of my comfort zone . I closed the website and moved on with my to - do list for the day . For whatever reason , it kept popping into my head throughout the next few days . Maybe it was the Holy Spirit , maybe it was curiosity . Who knows . I just kept thinking … 75 . There are 75 other people in my town who are interested in meeting up with other people who don 't have children . I currently do not know anyone , aside from my sister , who is married and does not have a child . Not a single person . Zero . Not in my old church . Not in my new church . Not from college or grad school . Not in my network of photography friends . Not a local friend . Not a distant friend . Not even a remote acquaintance . No one . And to be honest , it would just be really nice to have a friend who also did not have children . Not that I need to bond with someone over infertility , I have plenty of friends who have been down that road whom I can bond with if needed . Not that I need to have someone understand my story , I have plenty of friends who understand my story . I don 't need further understanding . And it 's not that I can 't relate to my friends who have children , we all get along beautifully and I love them ( and their children ) dearly . I guess it would just be nice to meet another outlier , like myself . To have a full conversation with someone that didn 't include talk of swimming lessons , Kindergarten registration , soccer schedules or breastfeeding . I 've been having those conversations for 7 years now . It feels a bit like a paraplegic talking to a triathlete ( shout out to Sarah for giving me that fitting analogy ) . So , I went out on a limb and I created a group . It 's for Women Without Children . In the group , I specified that you could be childless not - by - choice , childless because of loss , childfree by choice , childfree by circumstance … whatever best identifies you . The group is still in moderation , awaiting final approval from Meetup . But if it gets approved , maybe a few of those 75 people will join . And maybe we 'll meet up for coffee or a hike . And maybe we 'll find camaraderie . Maybe I 'll make a friend who not only understands the place where I am , but is there herself . Yes , it feels weird . Almost like internet dating . It feels contrived and forced and awkward . A little sad maybe , if I 'm being honest . Because it really shouldn 't be that hard to find a group of friends who are in a similar boat as you . Or even just one friend . But when you reside in a minority subsection of society , it 's just not always that easy to find people who are like you , you have to intentionally seek them out to form community . So we 'll see what happens . Maybe the group will get approved , maybe it won 't . Maybe people will join , maybe they won 't . Maybe it will be a bunch of old , bitter infertiles , or maybe it will be a wonderfully diverse group who share a common bond . Maybe it will work out , maybe it won 't . I will at least have the satisfaction of knowing that I put myself out there and tried . Can 't fault me for trying ! * * Edited to add : So my Meetup group was approved yesterday evening after I wrote this post . Within 4 hours it had 16 members and our first event ( happy hour ! ) is already 75 % full with confirmed RSVPs . Wow ! { source } On May 23 , 2016May 23 , 2016 By BYIn camping , hiking , travel2 Comments This was our first long vacation in almost 2 years ! Sometimes it seems like we 're always traveling but truly most of that is just long weekends away . This was a real trip ! We decided to continue our love affair with Utah , especially since it 's mud season here in the mountains . We love Utah so much , there is just something about the desert that has captured us . So far , we 've done Zion , Arches and Canyonlands . This time , we aimed our sights at Capitol Reef National Park . We left Friday afternoon and made it to the State line by about 11pm . We ended up in BLM land just off of the Interstate . We wandered around in the dark trying to find a place to camp for the night . All the campgrounds were full so we poached a site off a guy who was sleeping in his Airstream and wasn 't using his tent pad . We left Saturday morning before he was awake and kept heading towards our destination . We decided to start our tour de Capitol Reef in the northern section , called Cathedral Valley . Cathedral Valley is only accessed by 4 × 4 roads so it 's really pretty empty . Most tourist in rental cars shy away from the river crossings and bumpy roads that lead into and out of the section of the Park . We dropped in from the northern area of Fishlake National Forest . It 's a windy and bumpy 4 × 4 road that offered some really great views of the Cathedral Valley area . Eventually we came to the primitive Cathedral Valley Campground . We found a great campsite and set up our base camp . We spent the rest of the day hiking the Cathedrals Trail , driving through sandy washes and checking out the Temple of the Sun and Temple of the Moon . This area was probably my favorite in terms of scenery , it was so amazing ! The monoliths just rise straight up to the sky out of the ground . It is really so beautiful ! Sunday morning , we ate breakfast , packed up camp and headed towards the Fruita Historic District , which is the main section of Capitol Reef where most people go . The road out of Cathedral Valley was long , bumpy , winding , full of washed out creekbeds and eventually a large river crossing . We heard the water was only running 12 inches high , so our 4Runner had no problem crossing , it was pretty fun ! We snagged a great camp site in the Fruita District , it was on the edge of the orchard and looked over the red cliffs and apple trees . Deer grazed in the orchard every morning and evening , it was so peaceful ! We headed to the Visitor 's Center to inquire about backpacking . We originally wanted to do a 2 night backpacking trip in the Park . The backpacking " expert " was probably the worst help we 've ever received at a Park . Every question we asked , she would respond " I " m not sure , I 've never hiked that trail " or " oh I 've never been there before " or " I can 't really answer that question because I 've never done that before . " We eventually ignored her and relied on our own intuition and decided on a 2 night trip up Pleasant Creek . We got our permit and left to explore more of the Fruita District . We thought a good day hike would be a great way to see part of the Park . We chose the Grand Wash trail , which turned out to be our favorite hike of the entire trip ! It leads all the way to Cassidy Arch , which is rumored to be where Butch Cassidy hung out back in his outlaw days . We did 7 miles all together with 1 , 000 feet of elevation in the last mile . On our way out we got caught in a downpour . It was actually really fun being in the wash and watching all the rain pour off the rocks . There is always a danger of flash flooding in the desert so we made sure to keep an eye out for higher ground if needed . The rain that started on our hike continued for the next 2 days and eventually forced us to cancel our backpacking trip . It rained pretty steadily but we managed to sneak in a few more quick hikes and scenic drives as the clouds let up every now and then . Hickman Bridge was a favorite for sure ! On our last day in the Fruita District , we found a little trail that lead from our campground through the orchard and along the river . We just thought we 'd take a morning stroll but soon enough the trail started going up ! We weren 't planning on a hike , but the scenery was so beautiful , we just kept going and it turned into one of our prettiest hikes of the entire trip . We packed up camp and headed over towards the Waterpocket District which is the southern most section of the park . It 's a pretty remote area , and another one where 4 × 4 is recommended so not many people visit . We had a picnic lunch , hiked a little bit and then saw some pretty ominous storm clouds approaching so we decided to keep moving . The goal was to head to Goblin Valley and camp since it was on our way back towards Colorado . When we reached the visitor 's center , the ranger told us he had one camp site available and that we should go check it out , so we did . We liked it , so we set up our tent and then went back to the ranger station to pay . I knew the second that rangers saw us that something was wrong . " Uh sorry guys , it 's first - come - first - served and I just sold that camp site to someone else . " Ummm , what ? ! YOU told us to leave and go check it out before paying ! And then you sell it right out from under us ? Gah ! He totally screwed us , so we had to go back to camp and take our tent down and then find some BLM land to camp on . So frustrating ! We did at least check out the Hoodoos , which is what Goblin Valley is known for . We found a great spot of BLM land that gave us a great view of the valley surrounding us . We made a fire , cooked dinner , listened to good music and watched the skies fill with more storm clouds . Another night of camping in the rain didn 't sound appealing and thankfully we hadn 't set up our tent yet , so we decided to head out and grab a hotel room in Grand Junction for the night . A hot shower and soft bed sounded delightful after 4 days of camping in the rain ! Our trip home was uneventful and easy . To be honest , we were both a little sad that our trip had to stop at 5 days . I could have easily spent another week out in the desert . We are still living with David 's parents , which is going just fine , but when you don 't have your own home to return to … returning home just doesn 't sound like fun . Oh well , just another excuse to go back to Utah in the near future !
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Posted : Tue May 02 , 17 1 : 37 pm Post subject : Share The shed is looking good Cassandra . I have a lot of that polystyrene in sheet form and during the summer my plans are to use that as insulation in my shed . Also I have plans to put a rubber seal at the front of the shed as when the rain comes it blows water into the shed about2 ft into the shed floor - annoying . Still I haven 't had a bill so not to worry - yet . Your chief assistant seems to have come up to the mark - a good find . I like those small boxes , I have quite a few knocking around waiting to hit the shed when I can . I had a good 3 days at the moving process and the shed has one more load by me to go in and then it will be the turn of my friend with his tractor fork lift for 7 pallets . And then move on out ye ha etc . I did find a few things I had forgotten about , rather more old chairs than I care to sit on and the market for antiques is so bad right now , that I expect to have a few bonfires - shame but there it is . I am not surprised you are hardening off plants as you as are much further ahead than we are , silage in April is unheard of with us . I expect a few have done some by now in Shropshire . You need a sign for the horse riders to say that CCTV is in operation and failure to comply with being on the bridle way at all times within the wood , may well lead to prosecution . Explaining that the wood land is your living and not your leisure area may also help . But of course the other thing would be to go in there when you expect them and start a chorus of chain saws - I am getting to be Mr . nasty as I get older . Thank you for the link to the Castlemilkmoorit society . I can 't get onto it via this particular way , but will to able through Chrome and will be onto it when I have finished here . Joined : 27 Mar 2013Posts : 1459 Posted : Wed May 03 , 17 6 : 05 am Post subject : I am merrily dyeing stuff at present in preparation for my entries into the Campbell Town Show . First off the blocks was the corriedale tops that I have dyed to match the medlar 's autumn colours . I 'm generally happy with the result but the red needs work as it has all been muted down by the yellow ! ! ! My first attempt at an Art Yarn ( a very unadventurous effort ) is stalled as I ran out of the thread I was using to ply it . Basically it is very simply a thick and thin strand plyed with thin thread - sometimes with the thin thread dominating , sometimes with the thick yarn dominating and with knops at intervals . The colour does it for me - it looks like molten lava Then I spun up 68g of tussah silk , formed it into a ball and flattened out the sides of the ball . I syringed on colour on each of the four sides but ran out of courage before the colour penetrated to the centre of the ball . Still there should be enough coloured stuff for my needs . These two will be the plying threads for another yarn that I have yet to spin . That will be woollen spun and lumpy using up the rest of the ryeland as well as the corriedale in blues and mauves that I used in the scarf . So texture wise it should look like this ( but with colours interspersed along the length ) . Joined : 21 Jul 2011Posts : 8424 Posted : Wed May 03 , 17 6 : 06 am Post subject : You have both been busy ! Good luck with that difficult screw Cassandra . There always seems to be one . That isn 't a link Gregotyn , so you may need to copy the link and paste it into a search engine . I went down to where the horses had been yesterday , and it isn 't too bad . They have a few branches partly across one of the paths , but no more damage to the bluebells by them than people walking . Sadly it seems horse riders can 't read , as it clearly says at each end of the bridle path that it is private land and horse riders should keep to the bridle path . I managed to finish the St . Brigids cross and put the ribs into the basket yesterday . Husband kept offering ' advise ' while I was trying to get the ribs in and was surprised when I got cross with him . It is the sort of job that would entail a lot of bad language from him and I would get snapped at if I so much as breathed . Got them in in the end and have now woven about a third of the weavers in , so ribs now pretty secure . I was alternating basket making and Shetland lace knitting yesterday evening , as there was a programme I wanted to watch on TV , so hands are a bit sore this morning . Posted : Wed May 03 , 17 12 : 34 pm Post subject : This is certainly a hectic time of year - early Spring , garden cleanup , etc . Everything is so very green . I 'm already mumbling that we could use some rain . I was away for 3 days at a garden writers region II event that had planned visits to 3 renown gardens . That was last Friday , in Delaware . Far enough away that I left home on Thursday to stay with friends in Pennsylvania and we traveled together to the gardens . They even brought me to visit an extra garden on Thursday and on Saturday . Wonderful time but now spending evenings sorting images and creating website entries . Which with their emphasis on the equivalent of RHS stately homes and gardens are not really Downsizer stuff . But you can see here , Nemours , which has an embedded link to the second garden , Mt Cuba . Not even close to creating the entries for third garden , my friends garden , or Saturday 's visit to the arboretum 's gardens . And Saturday evening is a garden soiree so an additional potential website entry . As you can see I 've been busy . But not in a very Downsizer - y way . So please tell me - do you enjoy these looks at my garden travels or do you find them a waste of your time and I should stop . Joined : 21 Jul 2011Posts : 8424 Posted : Thu May 04 , 17 6 : 21 am Post subject : Your yarn is lovely Cassandra . Seems as if you have been having fun with the dye pots . Look forward to seeing the finished products . Jam Lady , the DuPont garden is amazing . Very French and very formal . Amazing it was built on a foundation of gunpowder . DuPont started with gunpowder in the US and carried on from there , and now it is one of the worlds largest chemical manufacturers . We used to use DuPont inks for doing thick film printing . They are a suspension of metal and other materials in glass , binders and various other things , and when fired through a furnace produce conductor and resistor patterns . Still not sure about that glass . I like some of it but not others . Interested to see what you have been up to though . A rather frustrating shopping day yesterday mainly . They are having a refurbishment of the supermarket I use and nobody , including the staff , can find anything . They have decided to have an ' international ' aisle including a sushi bar they are putting in , so instead of cheese on one side and tinned meat and veg on the other , it is completely random and includes noodles and sweets ! ! ! ! ! I then had to go to see the nurse at our doctor 's surgery as a routine examination showed that my cholesterol is a bit high and higher than it was 6 years ago . They want me to go on statins , but I am not keen on the idea , and want to try to avoid them if I can , so looking at ways of doing it without going completely without fat in my diet , which seems to be the current ' in ' thing , and seems even dafter than statins to me . Spent the evening basket making and Shetland lace knitting again . The basket is virtually finished , but I need to let it dry now and add just a few more rows when it has shrunk . I have been rummaging in my bead collection for beads of a sufficient size and colour to augment the yarn - not sure I have found anything , certainly the black ones are the right size , but leave something to be desired colour - wise , and the gold and red ones are generally too small . Sigh . Still , plenty of time to make decisions as I go along . The beads would have to be threaded onto a fine cotton as I do not have any with holes large enough to accommodate the silk , but I have many cotton reels of thread so that will not be a real problem other than choosing one sturdy enough to cope with the plying process . Posted : Thu May 04 , 17 1 : 54 pm Post subject : The wool all looks good to me , Cassandra , but I know nothing about it in all honesty , in technical terms . The nearest I got to wool was the pullovers and socks my mother knitted for me , a few haphazard bits I did - dish cloths - and holding a skein of wool for mother to turn into a ball or winding wool that mother held for me . I was much better at embroidery . I helped finish a few things off when mother was a long way behind ! I did learn to darn and that has come in useful a few times - the favourite sock ! The Castlemilkmoorite sheep society I think became a link , MR for me here , even if not meant to be ! The only trouble is that on Google on Chrome I can go to the links but then when I want to go back I get cut off ! The google via the library link won 't let me see any links . I am glad the horses have not done too much damage , having been a rider once . I hope I didn 't encroach on anyone 's area that I should not have . I may have said before that 4 friends and I went on a ride over 4 nights from the All Stretton on the Long Mynd in Shropshire to a village the other side of Dolgelly , a place called Bont Ddu , ( Black Bridge , Jam Lady ) . And returned home by car . I had only had about 12 hours to learn the controls in lesson form in a riding school . Amazing how fast you learn when you are landed with a large mare - one Tilley - with an alternate route in mind to that planned , on the plus is she didn 't let me down or deposit me where I shouldn 't be . We had a " moment " as we passed a digger working in a field and the dreaded council lorry coming down the other side of the road , but all passed off quietly , sort of , as my friends crowded her in the side and she couldn 't get away anywhere ! If I were to go riding now I would want an old Nag who always had 3 feet on the ground at any one time , giving me the opportunity to fall gently if needed . Glad you are back Jam Lady , I recall that proper gardeners are akin to farmers and want rain when the rest of us don 't and sun when it is raining , just thinking of your large and full drains we saw only a few weeks ago . I look at your links when I have the time , usually on Saturday mornings , Primarily because I get cut off after I have looked at them and have to go elsewhere to view , and then get cut off when I try to return . Something to do with the council and protecting children , or at least stopping them from seeing what they should not see . I get less time in the week to view . If I were to go now to the link I would loose all I have written , and have to log back in . Joined : 21 Jul 2011Posts : 8424 Posted : Fri May 05 , 17 6 : 09 am Post subject : That is certainly going to end up as an interesting yarn if you are going to add silk and beads Cassandra . As it is a fairly small sample , if all else fails you could ply it on a drop spindle . It is a pain when people come at the last minute and won 't take the hint you are closing ; you either have to stay late or be rude to them and tell them to leave . I did a little bit of horse riding when I was a child , but haven 't ridden since . I rode a pony mare that had been a milkmans horse and was the fastest trotter in the stables . Very well behaved too . We went to RHS gardens at Wisley yesterday . You would love that Jam Lady , and may even have been if you have ever been to the UK , as it is the gardens . I am glad to say they had plenty of English bluebells , H . non - scripta as well as trees coming into leaf . The azaleas were out and a few of the early rhododendrons . On the main area for them , Battlestone Hill , there were also some magnolias and camellias . At ground level there were bluebells and lilly of the valley , so rather beautiful . The spring meadow had some flowers ; cowslip , ladies smock and some blue flowers I couldn 't identify . There was a also wisteria in flower in a few places . We are a week or two away from flowers on that at home as we are in rather an exposed place . In the evening I finished my basket . Worked quite well , and I now only have odd ends to cut off and tidy up . I am hoping to get the next frame assembled today and get the St . Brigids cross and ribs on as I have a show at the weekend where I need to demonstrate basket making , and I don 't feel that is a stage I want to show to the public yet . I will try to get a picture of the baskets Gregotyn and get it on here , but don 't hold your breath , as I am not very good at that sort of thing . Joined : 27 Mar 2013Posts : 1459 Posted : Fri May 05 , 17 10 : 35 am Post subject : The first horse I ever rode was Flaxy - a light chestnut mare with a dent in her nose where she had run into a truck - she was stubborn enough to have done it on purpose ! The next was Bonnie - a carthorse whose back was so wide you had to do the splits to sit on her . No withers either ! The trick was to find things that would fit through the hole in the spinning wheel once attached to the yarn ! On the top right is a group of teeny tiny buttons that I suspect once adorned a lawn shirtwaist blouse . The gold sequins are also antique - thin metal , but they should slip through with some care . A few more mundane buttons and lots of lovely beads should finish things off for me . The grey yarn is silk and surprisingly strong - I put on some leather gloves and pulled hard but it did not break , so it 's all good . Now all I have to do is work out how to get the yarn to feed smoothly without getting in a terrible tangle once the beads are threaded on ! Posted : Fri May 05 , 17 1 : 47 pm Post subject : Sorry to hear you have unwanted visitors again , Cassandra ; good side - free manure and some degree of mowing F . O . C . , bad - side the owners should be banned from keeping stock . I think I would start charging them for grazing . I let my land to a horsey couple - well she is , he isn 't , but has to be ! They have gone away , so moved the horse back to their place and still paying me ! A bit of a plus as he has polished off most of the grass at home , so it is recovering , but needs a shower . I went to vote last night and I have seen someone silage cutting , first I have seen this year , but spotted two more fields ' growing on ' . In fairness to me I haven 't seen any of these fields as they are not on my normal routes , but I went to vote in the council elections . I am off to do a bit moving again tonight . When I come to the ' store ' I load and take it home on the trailer , then unload it the next night and take the empty trailer back to reload tonight and take it up ready to unload tomorrow . I have 3 more in the one shed and will be doing the nasty stuff next week . Big heavy boxes , but they have to be done so I will bite the bullet and just get on with it . My mother had boxes of beads and buttons - I 've still got them somewhere - you may get a parcel in the post sometime ! Posted : Fri May 05 , 17 2 : 00 pm Post subject : Many years since I visited the UK , Mistress Rose . Was at Kew and Wisley , several stately homes and private gardens . Even the Chelsea Flower Show one time . And - for you , Gregotyn - Ness Botanic Garden near Wales too . They told me that if I could not see the hills it was raining . And if I could see the hills it was about to rain . Alfred I . duPont made his money with gunpowder , yes indeed . Also funded a children 's hospital , well endowed in his will . And support for Delaware 's elderly . Rain today , happily , as I spent yesterday pickaxing leaf compost into a planting bed , planting meadow / prairie plants , watering , soaking newspaper and laying down on bare soil between plants , top mulching with wood chips . Today will be errands , also mixing potting compost and - homefully - repotting some plants . Tomorrow evening is the rock garden chapter 's evening soiree . This year at a renown iris garden . Seems a bit early but perhaps there will be some in bloom . Chapter provides entrees , members bring appetizers or dessert . I will bring my recently developed chocolate ( cocoa , actually ) cake brushed with brandy and frosted with a cooked brown sugar frosting . Cassandra , I 'll take a picture or two of the button bracelets a friend makes and send the image ( s ) to you . Buttons are stitched onto wide elastic . I have several and adore the color themes and what fun they are to wear . Joined : 21 Jul 2011Posts : 8424 Posted : Sat May 06 , 17 5 : 53 am Post subject : Your yarn is going to be interesting with all that lot on it Cassandra . I assume it is just for the exhibition and you have no plans to make anything with it . The multi - coloured yarn is looking good too , and should make up well . Gregotyn , go careful with the heavy boxes and get help if you need it . You don 't want to do yourself a nasty . Sounds as if you have a full agenda at the moment Jam Lady . Look forward to hearing about it when you have time to catch your breath . I managed to get another frame , cross and ribs made for a basket yesterday , and we bagged some charcoal too . We were hoping to get the kiln loaded , but the other stuff took too long , and we were diverted by reports of a tree down across the lane by the woods . Luckily someone else cleared it before we got a chance , so we didn 't have to do that too . We have a strong breeze here today , and as we have a show with ' umbrella ' shelters provided , could be a bit tricky . Son isn 't with us . so I am demonstrating the basket making for the first time , so a bit nervous about it and the wind . It just started raining which is a bit late - it was supposed to start mid afternoon and certainly looked like it , but better late than never . And tomorrow is also supposed to be rainy which will make my time at the History Room a bit of a punishment as it will also be only nine degrees . I am taking my tin of garnitures with me to string them all onto the yarn and see how it goes . I just tracked down a needle fine enough to go through the smallest beads and amazed myself by threading it first go ! In artificial light no less ! Our local spinning group had its monthly get together today and that was a fun way to spend the day . I have finished spinning the dyed tops and have just this minute finished chain plying them . I will skein them off tomorrow and take a photo in daylight so you can see the result . It looks good on the bobbin , but bobbins are presently in short supply as they all seem to have something on them . So tomorrow I am taking one partly filled one with me and plan to fill it so I can then make a ball of the contents and free it up . You 'd think that with all the bobbins i have this would not be a problem but I have no idea where they disappear to ! I would like to spin up some more moorit and some of the black fleece I have so that I can knit a fair isle beanie of some sort to also enter in the show ( in case you are wondering , it is a local show and in danger of no longer running classes for this sort of thing due to lack of entries , so we are all pulling together to flood them with exhibits ) . I even have a photo I am thinking might print and mount up nicely for their photography classes ( rural landscape ) . Not sure if I shrank it though so it may have lost some resolution . I will have to check . Meanwhile i have to go look out my thermals for tomorrow ! Posted : Sat May 06 , 17 10 : 42 am Post subject : Just got back from a round trip twice . To work about 7am . then get the pickup out load with timber - help from mates who are at work at 8am and they broke 2 large pallets up for me - they knew it would take me forever ! Loaded 2 long pieces on at an angle as the transit wasn 't quite long enough ! All 6x4 " and heavy , got it back home unloaded went back and had a break , and all before 10am then came home and tried to buy 2 pairs of work trousers from my local Wynnstay Farmers , but none there , a size issue - none big enough . So came on here . I have to go to Welshpool again on Monday to the Wynnstay branch which does have my size , but lucky that is where I work . The basket making will go swimmingly MR , you can do it . just hope that the gods are on your side with the weather . " It " has been wettish all morning on and off , but none of " It " has been enough for a rain stop play situation . The rain status ' Quote for Wales ' is right , Jam Lady , and one I use regularly to friends . The Welsh don 't like it as they say telling folks it rains all the time , so stops them visiting , but that simply is not true . This weekend is hosting a motor bike rally at the Llanrhaeadr Waterfall , I have seen at least 50 this morning heading that way . What impresses me most is that they are all driving using sense today . doesn 't always happen with the last one in the queue trying to catch up with his mates and he is the one who gets it . Joined : 21 Jul 2011Posts : 8424 Posted : Sun May 07 , 17 7 : 17 am Post subject : By the sounds of it you will have no trouble keeping those classes open Cassandra . I have only 3 bobbins , so I tend to do one project at a time ; spin up 2 singles , then ply and remove . Perhaps not ideal , but it does tend to focus the mind in one direction at a time . Look forward to seeing your art yarn when it is done , and hope you have time for the others . Gregotyn , the tree turned out to be a dead willow and not very thick . The trunk will just about do for firewood , but I think it was more nuisance than solid . The weather was quite good yesterday ; it wasn 't too windy and the sun actually shone for part of the day and made it quite warm . Started off with sweat shirt and jacket and ended up in short sleeved polo shirt . I managed to do the basket making , but it didn 't seem to attract people in quite the same way the pole lathe does . There were quite a lot of people stopped , and plenty of people explaining it to their children , but rather a slow day for sales . We were next to a beekeeper we know with an observation hive too . Still , hopefully the next show will be better .
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When it comes to fasting , there are two important elements . . . the why and the how . This book does a great job at explaining both ! It contains 104 pages of reading , over 100 pages of recipes and menu ideas , and a 21 - day devotional . She writes " The definition of a biblical fast is to restrict food for a spiritual purpose . . . it 's a spiritual tool that God created to help you strengthen your spirit , learn self - control of the flesh , draw closer to your Father , and focus on prayer " . Without a purpose , a fast would simply be a " diet " . Therefore , the book focuses on what we can learn from the account of Daniel fasting in the Bible and why we should incorporate this spiritual discipline into our lives . I got a little confused during her explanation of the differences between soul and spirit , but otherwise was very motivated to give this a try sometime in the near future . The Daniel Fast specifically is a " plant - based eating plan with additional restrictions that include no sweeteners , no leavening products , and no man - made chemicals or processed foods . " It is a very healthy diet with many health benefits . The author walks through the steps needed to plan and prepare to go on this fast , both physically and spiritually . While the typical length is 21 - days , the fast can be adapted to any length of time . For anyone wanting to learn more about fasting , this is a great resource . The Sacred Acre is the true story of Ed Thomas . It is a story of faith , overcoming adversity , grace , forgiveness , and hope . Ed Thomas was a high school teacher and football coach who inspired his students and his community to greatness . In May 2008 after an EF5 tornado destroyed his town , Coach Thomas was on the front lines helping to rebuild what was lost and restore hope . One year later he was murdered by a former player with a mental illness . Today his legacy lives on through the people who loved him and through the inspiring message in this book . This story is an excellent example of an ordinary life well - lived for the glory of God . It is about a coach who " often said that if all he taught his boys was how to play football , then he would have failed as a coach " . My eyes were opened to the devastation left in the wake of a tornado , followed by the inspiring ways people can rise up and work together to rebuild . When adversity hits , true character is revealed . This was certainly evident in the reactions of Coach Thomas ' family after his tragic death . They knew the man who pulled the trigger . Yet they set an example to the community by showing grace and love to the man 's family . Ed 's son , Todd , says " There is no doubt that we are in a spiritual battle on this earth . Evil came after my dad that day , but evil did not win . The day of the funeral . . . people saw a man who had finished strong , and peoples ' lives were changed . " The family urges others to follow in Ed 's footsteps by choosing to do what is right , working hard , and living a life of faith in relationship with God . I love an inspiring true story . This book has something to teach everyone , but would be especially helpful for coaches who are in a position to instill in our youth the same values that Coach Thomas lived out . Thank you Thomas family for telling your story . Santa Claus is always a hot topic this time of year . It brings back memories of my childhood . I lived with my father during the week and from a very young age I knew that Santa was not real . I don 't remember caring very much . . . I mean , I still got the presents . . . who cares where they come from ? Then I would go to my mom 's house on the weekend and she INSISTED that Santa was real . Even to this day she has not admitted to me otherwise ! But I was wise enough to recognize her handwriting on the " From Santa " tags on my gifts . I just played along for her sake : ) I struggle with how / when to bring up the truth about Santa to my boys . Up to this point when they have asked something about Santa , we reply " what do you think ? " and have conveniently ignored giving a straight answer . I know I will draw the line at lying because I want my boys to trust that what I tell them is true . This year I saw a blog post on this topic that I really like . You can view it here . The writer shares my conviction about telling the truth , and suggests doing it by teaching about the real Saint Nicholas and how Santa Claus came to be . It suggested a Veggie Tales movie on the topic , which I 'm going to check out . What about you . . . how / when did you share the truth about Santa Claus with your kids ? And how do you keep them from spilling the news to other children whose parents want to keep up the fantasy ? I 'd love to hear your input ! Stovall Weems is the pastor of Celebration Church and leads his church through a 21 - day fast each January called Awakening . He says " when it comes to my devotional time or certain areas of my life , if I start to not feel like obeying God , I know it is time for a fast . . . burdensome obedience should be the rare exception , not the norm . " His desire is to see people move from a stale " have to " attitude toward God to an alive " want to " relationship . This book is divided into three sections . The first section contains 124 pages which talk about topics such as surrender , passion , God 's goodness , prayer , and fasting . The conclusion of each chapter has a testimony from a member of Pastor Stovall 's church who has gone through the Awakening fast . I have to admit that I struggled through this reading . There were many points that I agreed with , but there were also things that alerted me to read with caution . I 'm not sure that the author truly takes all personality types into consideration when presenting what a relationship with God " should be like " . The chapter I most enjoyed was entitled Fasting For Your Health . I had no idea all the health benefits that come from fasting ! But since there are many types of fasts , I was a little disappointed that the author didn 't mean what type of fast these benefits were resulting from . The next 18 pages detail The Awakening 21 - Day Plan . Information about different types of fasts are given , along with a sample menu . Since I have never fasted , I would have liked to see more content in this area . Most of the book talks about the " why " of fasting but not the " how " , both of which are important . And finally there is a Daily Plan to use each day during the fast . Each day contains a devotion , bible reading plan , prayer focus , optional book reading plan , and a space for journaling . There are also three small group discussion guides for those going through the fast as a small group . I did not personally go through this fast so I cannot give an opinion on how beneficial the plan is . I feel the need to consult more sources before embarking on this journey . Our family decided to give Hope to a little boy this Christmas through Compassion International . This organization provides food , health care , education , and support for children living in poverty and their families . There are over 2 , 000 children currently on the site who need sponsors . The sponsors are encouraged to be in frequent contact with the children to show them that someone cares . We want our boys to realize how much we are blessed with in this country , and be able to develop a relationship with a child who lives in a different part of the world . We want them to be involved in making a difference in the life of a child . So we set about selecting a child to sponsor , which was no easy task ! We narrowed our search by looking for a boy around Jacob 's age who had been waiting 6 months or longer for a sponsor . Jacob selected Cristian ( pictured above ) from El Salvador . All we know at this point is that he was born in Feb 2003 ( same month as Jacob ) and is one of 3 children in his family . We look forward to getting our sponsor packet in the mail soon and beginning the communication process . Please pray along with us that Cristian and his family would feel the love of Jesus through our act of obedience . Being the pastor of one of the fastest growing churches in America , Steven Furtick knows what he 's talking about when it comes to walking in faith . I have been listening to his podcasts for months and he is a great preacher ! This book highlights the biblical account in Joshua 10 when Joshua asks God to stop the sun from going down for an entire day so he can have complete victory . . . and God does it ! Pastor Steven says that we too can have the confidence ( or " audacity " as he likes to call it ) to ask God for seemingly impossible things when they are in line with God 's desires . He reminds us that God is great , God is good , and God is very much at work in our world today . For those who have done much reading about faith and prayer , I can 't say that the information presented in the book is entirely new . But I can say that it is presented with a fresh perspective , different vocabulary , and current examples of lives changed through audacious faith . Pastor Steven answers common questions such as what happens when we make mistakes , and how do we deal with the sun going down ( or in other words . . . with our prayers not being answered the way we had hoped ) . One of my favorite chapters was Push While You Pray which talks about our need to act . He writes " Prayer is rarely all we can do . We can pray and we can prepare . We can ask God to intervene and we can initiate changes in our lives to make it happen . We can ask the Lord to fight for us and we can pull out our swords and start fighting in his strength . Sun Stand Still prayers are integrated prayers : They join our faith - filled prayer with our faith - filled action . " While it is mentioned in the book that this message applies to everyone , not just church leaders , I would have liked to hear more real - life examples . I 'm still trying to figure out what having audacious faith would look like for a stay - at - home mom like myself . Maybe his wife Holly could write a follow - up book to add a female perspective : ) Overall , there is something for everyone in this book . It would be hard to readPosted by Before reading this book , I only knew the talent of Mark Hall as the lead singer of Casting Crowns . Now I 've had a glimpse of his heart as a pastor . This book is based around the biblical story of the Samaritan woman at the well . He writes that " most of us have wells we count on to sustain us and bring us joy , security , hope , peace , and contentment " - but they are really dry holes since these things only bring temporary relief from our thirst . The chapters highlight common " holes " such as control , approval , religion , talent , and entitlement . Through the use of personal stories and scripture , Mark uses his humor and insight to show how these things do not satisfy . . . and how Jesus is the only true Well who will . There are discussion questions listed at the back of the book for each chapter . While this information can apply to any age , I think it is written in a style that would especially appeal to teens , which makes sense considering the author is a youth pastor . Personally , while I enjoyed reading this book , I can 't say there were many " wow " moments . . . except for Chapter 7 about the Hole of Talent . I am married to a worship leader and therefore exposed to all the joy and strife that goes along with that ministry . I wish I could photocopy Chapter 7 and hand it out to the team ! ( But of course I won 't since it 's illegal ) You may however see a future blog post about it ; ) There was a turning point in Mark Hall 's ministry where God showed him " it 's not going to be your voice that reaches people . It 's going to be your heart . " That 's what will lead people into worship . The perfect way to end this book is to listen to the song " The Well " from Casting Crowns new album . As the author concludes , " May we all learn to listen to him , lean on him , and refuse to dip into our familiar holes . May Jesus always be our Well . " This is a board book meant to answer a little one who is asking " Where did I come from ? " The text and illustrations show a mother bear leading her cub through the stages of her pregnancy starting from papa and mama wanting a cub , to finding out about the pregnancy and watching it progress , and ending with bringing the cub home from the hospital . The message throughout is that the cub is a gift from God and is loved and treasured by her parents . The book contains words that are easy to understand and cute illustrations . . . the perfect length for a small child 's attention span . While this would be a great gift for any traditional family , I would hesitate to give it to a single parent . Both the mama and papa bear are present throughout the pregnancy and involved in the story ( hence the " Us " in the book title ) . For a small child growing up without a daddy , for example , this may raise more questions than it answers . I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review . Max Lucado has been preaching and writing for over twenty - five years . He uses his knowledge of Scripture , personal experiences , and stories to illustrate many biblical concepts . This inspirational reader takes excerpts and quotes from 25 of his books and arranges them by topic for easy reference . Some of the topics include the Bible , Comfort , Faith , Heaven , Purpose , Relationship with God , and Worship . There are also a source index and more specific topical index at the back of the book to help the reader locate specific sections . I have always liked the style that Max Lucado uses to write . It is easy to understand and leaves me with many thoughts to ponder . Since I have not come near to reading all his books , it 's nice to have a resource like this that compiles many of his main messages into one source . This isn 't the type of book that I would sit down and read cover to cover . Since the sections are short , it would be great for little bits of reading at a time , possibly to keep in the bathroom : ) It would also be helpful for someone who is studying a particular topic either for personal growth or for preparing a lesson / sermon . Here is one of my favorite quotes : " He knew the price of those sins was death . He knew the source of those sins was you , and since he couldn 't bear the thought of eternity without you , He chose the nails . " - Max Lucado This weekend has been largely preparation for Christmas . Lights on the house . Lights on the tree . Gifts purchased ( yes , all of them ! ) . The house filled with Christmas songs as Jeremy prepares to lead worship during the month ahead ( you can listen to one of my favorites below ) . Now to relax and enjoy the time with my family , anticipating the celebration of Jesus 's birthday : ) Kim Meeder is a woman who has overcome tragedy in her own life and loves outdoor adventure . She searches for the lessons that God is trying to teach her through her various experiences . This book is a collection of real life stories , many of which lead to beautiful analogies of our spiritual lives . The main message is Who are you going to focus on and serve . . . yourself or your King ? The first chapter sets the stage with a trek up a mountain and the subject of overcoming adversity . Then the book is broken down into 3 main sections , each which include a few discussion questions . The first section is meant to help the reader evaluate what / who she is living for . It talks about the definition of true beauty , illustrates how sin ( even little ones ) can so easily hurt and entangle us and how we need to fiercely defend against it , and points the way toward hope . Kim says " We were not designed to be princesses of entitlement but warriors of encouragement , fighting to bring love and hope to the world . " The next section is meant to help the reader discover God 's faithfulness , peace , and love . The final section explores how " you can answer God 's call and begin living the life you were uniquely created for . " It illustrates the power of a smile , the need to forgive , and how we can use our wounds and our words to encourage others . I enjoyed reading this book . Sometimes the descriptions of her outdoor adventures got a bit too detailed for my tastes , but I loved how she was able to take these experiences to God and say " What do you have to show me through this ? " The way she was able to relate tangible things to our spiritual lives was insightful . I was also touched by the wonderful stories of hope and perseverance presented . Overall , I think this is a book most women would enjoy and benefit from reading . . . especially those who enjoy the outdoors . " Don 't be concerned about the outward beauty that depends on fancy hairstyles , expensive jewelry , or beautiful clothes . You should be known for the beauty that comes from within , the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit , which is so precious to God . " - 1 Peter 3 : 3 - 4 Trying to get kids to eat what you fix for them can be challengi g . As a parent you enjoy giving your kids foods they like , but you always need to make sure they are getting a healthy diet so they can gr w . Why are some kids picky eate s ? Sometimes it 's all about appearan e . They trust what they can see . . . and if it is unfamiliar or looks like a vegetable , forget t . Other times they have eaten that food before and know that they don 't like t . They fail to recognize or care about the long - term benefits the nutrients have to off r . Or it can all boil down to an issue of tru t . For example , if someone told you " Close your eyes and open your mouth " . . . would you do t ? Most likely only if you trusted that the person wasn 't going to poison you or give you something really disgusti g . Opening your mouth is a vulnerable positi So when I read these words God spoke to Ezekiel , it got me thinking . In Ezekiel 2 : 8 God says " Open your mouth , and eat what I give you " . He was being asked to be receptive and responsive to the words God was about to give him . We can be picky eaters too . Why aren 't we always receptive and responsive to God 's word ? Sometimes it 's all about what we can see . If we don 't understand " why " or see how everything will play out , we are hesitant to obey . It 's easier to stay in our comfort zones . Other times we know that what God is asking of us is not pleasant , such as needing to apologize and ask for forgiveness , and we choose short - term comfort over the long - term reward . Or it can all boil down to an issue of trust . Do we trust that God knows what is best for our lives ? To open yourself up and say " I 'll eat whatever you give me " is a vulnerable position . Not everything we are given to " eat " will be pleasant , but we can trust that He knows what 's best for us and our growth . And just as I give my boys a balance of foods they like and foods they need , I 'm thankful that He gives me a balanced diet as well . " Every year tens of thousands of women attend the Women of Faith conferences . One reason they do is to hear words of comfort . After hearing one speaker after another describe God 's compassion for each of his children , an attendee sent this email . In the movie Hook , Peter Pan had grown up , become old and overweight , and looked nothing like the Peter the lost boys knew . In the midst of the boys shouting that this was NOT Peter , one of the smallest boys took him by the hand and pulled him down to his level . He then placed his hands on Peter 's face and proceded to move the skin around , reshaping his face . The boy looked into Peter 's eyes and said , " There you are , Peter ! " I brought a lot with me to Women of Faith , things that only God could see . But throughout the weekend I could feel God 's hands on my face , pushing away all of the " stuff " I had brought . And then I could hear him say , " There you are . There you are ! " Shhh . Listen . Do you hear ? God is saying the same words to you . Finding the beauty the years bury , the sparkle that time tries to take . Seeing you and loving the you He sees . There you are . There you are . " This is a true story of one man 's journey into the depths of satanism , followed by his ascent into the light of Christ . It will open your eyes to the reality of the spiritual realm . Satan is real , but God is greater . And what was intended for evil God can redeem for His glory ! I believe there is a spiritual battle going on , but reading a book like this makes it so much more real . I wasn 't surprised by the cutting and the blood sacrifices that satanists practice . . . but I was shocked by something else . Michael describes many of his " missions " to be finding lukewarm Christians and leading them astray . This meant that he spent time at church , in bible study groups and at singles events . He memorized scripture , fasted , and prayed ( to Satan ) . He seduced Christian women and tried to cause confusion and division within church groups . Satan sends his soldiers onto our turf , and we don 't even know it . This confirmed to me the importance for Christians to grow and stay connected because the danger is real . Michael had an assignment to kill Pastor Craig Groeschel of LifeChurch . tv . Since I have seen this pastor speak before on video , I was intrigued . It was stated that others were given this assignment previously and had failed . . . . thankfully Michael did too . ( On a side note . . . I 'm thinking if Satan wants Pastor Craig dead that maybe he is a pastor worth listening to ! ) Since his conversion , Michael now sits in the front row of this pastor 's church . He also passionately shares his story and the gospel with many . . . he has become God 's warrior . Hearing about the reality of spiritual darkness can be scary , but the book continually points to the fact that God 's power is greater . The appendix of the book is filled with testimonies from people who knew Michael during this time in his life and can attest to his transformation . I love happy endings : ) There have been times recently when I 've been bored . I know , how can a mother of 3 get bored , right ? Well , I get my chores done during the day and by the time homework and dinner is done , I 've usually had enough of " work " . So when my husband is busy and the kids are occupied / in bed , or I find myself alone , I feel unmotivated to do anything . Thankfully we don 't have cable , otherwise I fear I would fall into that trap of mindlessly killing time . It was during one of these times that I realized . . . I haven 't been reading ! I should have picked up on this much sooner . When I don 't keep my mind occupied I fall into a slump . So I picked up a book from the shelf , and in an instant I was no longer bored : ) The next day I was given a little gift from God . I received a Christian book magazine in the mail and decided to see what looked good so I could make some requests from the library . ( I like getting books that way because they are free of course , but I don 't like not having control over how many come in at a time and then rushing to get through them before the return date . ) Anyway , I was looking at book reviews online and kept seeing references of people getting free books from BookSneeze . I checked it out and found that it is a company that gives free books to bloggers in exchange for an honest review ! Too good to be true , I thought . But as I read the info and saw the selection of books that were available I began to get excited . I was just accepted and my first book is in the mail ! I will be posting my reviews on this blog , and I hope they will be helpful to you in determining what to spend your time reading and what to pass by . Posted by There 's much debate in Christian circles about whether or not to participate in activities surrounding Halloween . I can see both sides . What I 've decided personally is that our family will not " celebrate " Halloween . . . but that doesn 't mean that we have to ban all related activities . For example , you won 't find my house decorated with ghosts and witches , but if my boys want to carve a goofy face on a pumpkin and have it glowing on our front porch - not a problem . If the boys came to me wanting to dress up as a zombie or sorcerer , the answer would be " no " . But so far they have wanted to dress up as things such as a pumpkin , animals , and Super Heroes - go save the world little ones ! While I support alternatives to trick - or - treat ( such as Trunk - or - Treat ) , there is not one in my town . And to be honest , I don 't really see anything " dark " about letting the local business owners and our neighbors hook my boys up with enough dessert to last them through Christmas . I respect people who feel differently , but that 's where we stand . The prophet Habakkuk lived during a time of international crisis and national corruption . He questioned where the Lord was in the midst of the destruction and violence . Yet after remembering who God is and what He has done , Habakkuk 's prayer ended like this : " Even though the fig trees have no blossums and there are no grapes on the vine ; even though the olive crop fails and the fields lie empty and barren ; even though the flocks die in the fields and the cattle barns are empty ; yet I will rejoice in the Lord ! I will be joyful in the God of my salvation . The Soveriegn Lord is my strength ! He will make me as surefooted as a deer and bring me safely over the mountains . " ( Habakkuk 3 : 17 - 19 ) In every church there are ministries that struggle to get volunteers . In our church , one of our greatest challenges is getting people to volunteer their time in our Childrens Ministry . So I thought I 'd take a look at a few excuses that have gone through my head and that I 've heard about serving in Hopeland ( our birth - age 5 area ) . # 10 " I didn 't know we needed more volunteers . " It 's true that we don 't hear the pastor begging from the stage every week for people to volunteer ( although he may have to start soon ! ) , but that doesn 't mean the need is not there . I looked at the schedule this morning for the weeks ahead and it is SAD . I love my church , but this makes me ashamed of the investment our church family as a whole is making in our children . Sometimes it is necessary to serve in a secondary ministry in a church if there is great need , regardless of gifting . I am not a " natural " when it comes to kids , but I am capable . Maybe you are too . If you are already serving in another ministry on Sunday morning . . . ok , valid excuse . But if not , is it really too much of a sacrifice to give an hour or two of your time once a month ? Invest in the ministry of the church . . . don 't just be a consumer . Maybe so . But consider this . . . the chaos is mainly due to the fact that we have a shortage of volunteers . Be part of the solution . There is safety in numbers : ) I understand . Being a mother is very energy - consuming and we all need a break . But when you are enjoying sitting in service and allowing someone else to care for your childs needs , why not return the favor ? Hopeland exists to teach our children about God , but also as a ministry to mothers and families so that they can worship and learn without distraction . Without volunteers , no one will have this luxury . If they are old enough , have them help . If not , it won 't kill them to spend two services in a row either in Hopeland or XTreme Kids ( trust me . . . I 've tried it ) . Yes , sometimes my boys complain when I tell them daddy is leading worship and mommy is watching babies so they have to stay at church longer . BUT it is also a great learning opportunity for me to show them how we all have to sacrifice and serve if our church is going to function well . Plus , they really learn their lesson well for the day after hearing it twice in a row : ) Great news . . . the lessons and crafts are all planned out in detail . And if that 's still too intimidating , you can volunteer in the 0 - 2 year old room or to do Check - In . # 3 " Children scare me / I don 't know what to do " Ask someone to volunteer with you who is more comfortable with kids and can give you direction . You don 't have to do it alone . This Sunday I had 4 in the nursery , two under 1 year and two that were walking . I finally had my 8 year old come in to help me because I just needed more ARMS . No skill was needed . . . just someone to pay attention to the babies and keep one of the toddlers from throwing hard objects : ) Sometimes it 's just a matter of adjusting your perspective . Remember that this ministry is vital to our church body . The children are our future . And by volunteering you are doing much more than caring for and educating the children . You are blessing the ministry leaders who give TONS of time planning lessons and covering for people who don 't show up to serve ( I won 't even go there . . . it happens way too often ) . You are serving families by allowing them to fully engage in the service . And you are also serving the Lord who has made it clear how precious children are to Him . Our family loves watching movies . We need to make decisions about which movies to allow ourselves or our children to watch and be influenced by , and ratings don 't help very much . There is one resource that I use frequently and am so thankful for , and that is http : / / www . pluggedinonline . com / by Focus on the Family . This website reviews new movies coming out , older movies , tv , and music from a Christian perspective . The reason the reviews are so helpful is that they don 't just give you thier opinion , but they break down the movie into specific content areas so that you can make an educated decision . Instead of merely knowing a movie might have " foul language " , the review will tell you exactly which foul words are spoken and how often they occur . You can know what the sexual or violent scenes consist of in detail . The reviews sum up positive elements and negative elements of the film . It 's the first place I go before deciding what to see at the theater , what to reserve from the library , and what to say when asked the question " Mom , can I watch this ? " . Normally the only theater we see the inside of is the dollar theater because I refuse to pay top dollar for a new movie . I 've learned to wait . But every now and then a movie comes out that I REALLY want to see ! Recently the movie Courageous fell into that category , and it didn 't let us down . As I was trying to decide if we should indeed spend the money , a friend of mine told me about a way to get cheaper tickets ! So this tip is for my frugal friends : http : / / www . halfpricemovieticket . com / . You enter in your zip code and the movies playing in your area come up . Select the movie / time that you want . The tickets are 50 % off , plus $ 1 each processing fee . ( So instead of $ 8 . 25 per ticket , you pay ~ $ 5 . 12 . ) You pay with a credit card and within an hour they email you a Pick - Up number . You can go up to the cashier or the kiosk , enter the number , and out come your tickets . I was nervous about trying it , but it worked ! Got to see a great movie and save money at the same time . . . woo hoPosted by I love to look downstairs and see this . Plenty of salsa , beans , and applesauce to last us through the winter . I 've always thought canning was a great idea " in theory " but was never willing to put in the effort . . . until a good friend coaxed me into it . She has a garden and asked me if I would be willing to help with the weeding and canning . In exchange I could have half of the goods . I agreed right away ! Any job done with good company is a whole lot more enjoyable . For the apples , " Gramma Jan " and I took the boys to Scenic Ridge Fruit Farm in Jeromesville . Wow , is that place huge ! I didn 't know if the apple picking would be kid - friendly , but to my surprise it was perfect . There were lots of trees and they were so low to the ground that even Brady was able to participate easily . Later that day I got to show them how to make applesauce ( which was a first for me too ) . I was in awe of the Squeezo Strainer that allows you to dump in cooked apples ( skin and all ) into the hopper , turn the crank , and out comes the applesauce while discarding the skins and seed out the side . Simply an amazing invention ! Although you do have to turn the crank the right direction for it to work properly as I found out : ) And while I 'm on the subject of food , I have never been able to get banana - nut bread to turn out right . This week as I was staring at two large brown bananas that no one in my family would dare eat , I decided to try a recipe given to me many years ago . I now wish I would have tried it sooner ! The bread was yummy and moist and so I want to share it with anyone else who doesn 't like to waste their brown bananas . My dad was always the cook when I was a child . He had a garden , canned , and cooked from scratch . Of course I was never interested in learning it all then . I suppose I 'm making up for lost time now : ) And I 'm very thankful for knowledgable friends and family who are willing to teach me ! I grew up with cats and have never been much of a dog person , but Jeremy talked me getting into an adorable boxer puppy and so began our pre - parenthood training . I had so much fun raising him . . . until he grew too big for me to control and my responsibilities grew with each little boy that entered into our family . I still liked Freddie , but my perspective changed . I began to only see the bills for dog food , vet care , and heartworm medication . I got tired of picking up poop in the backyard so Jeremy could mow or cleaning it out of my boys shoes . I got tired of cleaning up muddy footprints , slobber on the window , accidents on the floor . He had bad breath , bad gas , and was a burden when we were going to be gone overnight . The common phrase at our house was " Go lay down , Freddie ! " And then on the 11th he had a seizure that took his life . Jeremy and I were right there with him , and frankly did not expect it to happen since he 'd had seizures in the past which he recovered from quickly . I became focused on doing what needed to be done and comforting my boys who had never known life without their dog . The next day I created a slideshow for the family with all the pics of Freddie over the years . It was easy because they are all still on the computer : ) Seeing scenes from the past 10 years and watching my boys grow up with their dog touched me . We buried him that evening . Something happened to me that next morning as I finally began to feel the loss and realize that even though I had all these complaints , I missed him . The house seems so much more lonely when I 'm here by myself . When I open the garage door I still expect to see him stand up , shake , and run out to greet me . I scanned the Classifieds just to see if any boxer pups were for sale . I 'm even hesitant about cleaning the last of the slobber marks off the window because it 's one of the last remaining traces of him ( or maybe I 'm just too lazy to clean it and that 's a good excuse ! ) Freddie may have been a pain to take care of at times , but he was mine . It was a reminder for me to think about all the people / pets / circumstances in our lives that we complain about , and stop to be thankful that we have them at all . Jacob The title of this post came from a song lyric , but it 's one I can relate to . A war between confidence and doubt . . . a war I 've been in for too long . I 've filled my head with the truth and I know who I am and whose I am , but allowing that to take root in my heart and live it out takes time . At times I get inspired and really excited at how God could use me to make a difference , and then the doubt sets in . Do I really have anything to say worthwhile ? Do I have anything to offer ? Someone else could certainly do it better . I take my eyes off of " Christ in me " and start looking at just me with all my insecurities and weaknesses . That 's one reason my blogging has become infrequent recently . I think too much about how something might be perceived and eventually talk myself out of writing it ! Even now that Backspace button looks appealing : ) However , this blog is one thing I have received positive feedback on , and I don 't want to be guilty of neglecting or failing to develop something that may have been given to me as a gift . My plan is to post something each Monday , whether I feel like it or not . I 'm making no promises as to the content other than it will be me . I had a cool " God Moment " this morning . I was reading 1 Timothy 4 : 12 " Don 't let anyone think less of you because you are young . Be an example to all believers in what you teach , in the way you live , in your love , your faith , and your purity . " I thought that sounded like a great mission statement for me and decided to not only put it on an index card with the intent of memorizing it , but to actually do it . Then I continued on with my morning routine and got on the treadmill with my iPod , ready to listen to the latest podcast by Pastor Steven Furtick of Elevation Church ( who by the way is an amazing preacher and the sermons can be downloaded for free from iTunes ) . He finished his message and had a teen come out to talk for a minute . The verse that was shared ? 1 Timothy 4 : 12 . I love when God confirms something in that way . If you have followed my blog very long , you know that there are two things I love to write about . . . books and music . Today is no exception . Lately I have been drawn to biographies about real people , with real problems , that have encounters with a very real God . I have been so blessed the past 11 years that having faith has been easy . But I want to know what faith looks like when things are falling apart . ( And I 'm quite content to learn that from other people rather than from my own experience for now ! ) This first book is about two missionaries who were given a great love for the people of Afghanistan . They left the comforts of home to live among the people , serve the poor , and offer the hope of Jesus to anyone who sought it . The sharing of their faith led to imprisonment , which became even more complicated since it occurred during 2001 when the terrorist attacks on America and the war began . I decided to read this next book because I 've heard it referenced many times by other authors , and I was not disappointed . It tells the story of Corrie Ten Boom , who lived in Holland during the time of occupation by Nazi Germany . Corrie 's family was part of the underground movement to protect the Jews , and they ended up imprisoned in very bad conditions . But the faith of Corrie and her sister Betsie are very moving . Here are women who put the safety of others above their own , truly prayed for their persecutors , shared God 's Word and love with those around them , and saw some mighty works of God as a result . The whole time I was reading I thought " this should be a movie " . . . and I just checked . . . it is ! So I 've got it reserved at the library and plan on sharing it with my husband soon : ) These two stories have shown me a few things about faith during hardship . First , when people are suffering they hunger for God 's Word . . . for hope . I often take for granted how accessible the Bible is . For them it was a precious treasure that sustained them . I was also amazed by how many miracles these people experienced , things the world might say were " coincidence " . But when you stack so many " coincidences " together , God 's presence is so very clear . It was through the trials and the hardship that their faith and ministry grew . Just last week I stumbled across this song that fit with the things I 've read and have been thinking about . May it be an encouragement to those who are going through a hardship now . I pray you find Jesus in the midst of it . Ecclesiastes 7 : 2 - 4 " It is better to spend your time at funerals than at festivals . For YOU are going to die , and you should think about it while there is still time . Sorrow is better than laughter , for sadness has a refining influence on us . A wise person thinks much about death , while the fool thinks only about having a good time now . " ( NLT ) Janie was someone who said what needed to be said . I only knew her through our church family at New Hope , yet she had a profound impact on my understanding of what it means to be a godly woman . Janie would greet me with a smile and a hug , express her appreciation for the smallest acts of kindness , and make me feel special . She was a woman who clearly put the needs of others above her own . You never quite know what someone is made of until the storms of life hit . During her battle with cancer , Janie proved that her faith was genuine . She shared in His sufferings so that she may also share in His glory , and has been an example to many as to how to fight the good fight , finish the race strong , and keep the faith . I am glad her suffering is over . And I look forward to seeing her smiling face again when I enter the gates of heaven . I love baking molasses cookies . They taste good , stay soft , and come out looking perfect every time . . . . except today . I made a double batch because I 'm planning to take them to Emmaus Send - Off tonight . I took the first sheet out of the oven and it didn 't seem right . Same with the second . I 'm trying to figure out what could be wrong . Am I not baking them long enough ? Did I switch brands of an ingredient ? Is my cookie sheet not doing what it is supposed to ? It wasn 't until the third pan came out that I realized I might have made a mistake ! That 's pride for ya : ) Sure enough , I looked at the recipe and realized I had left out the baking soda . I was able to add some in and improve the other cookies ( thankfully they both taste good ) . So in case you are wondering what role baking soda plays , check out the picture below . A teaspoon of powder makes a big difference ! " Suppose you are an extra in an upcoming movie . You will probably scrutinize that one scene where hundreds of people are milling around , just waiting for that two - fifths of a second when you can see the back of your head . Maybe your mom and your closest friend get excited about that two - fifths of a second with you . . . maybe . But no one else will realize it is you . Even if you tell them , they won 't care . Let 's take it a step further . What if you rent out the theater opening night and invite all your friends and family to come see the new movie about you ? People will say , " You 're an idiot ! How could you think this movie is about you ? " Many Christians are even more delusional than the person I 've been describing . So many of us think and live like the movie of life is all about us . " p . 42 - 43 Happy Valentines Day ! For some of you this may be a great day , having an excuse to express your love to your spouse or significant other . For others it may be a day of disappointment or sadness . For those who have a spouse already in heaven I wanted to share with you a comment I recently read by Beth Moore . . . " What comfort to know that not only did God fashion us in our mothers ' wombs , but He also knows the exact moment our hearts cease to beat . God 's desire to have us with Him will finally eclipse His desire to have us on earth , and He will take us to glory . " If Valentines Day is a day to give and receive love , I can think of no better Valentine to have than Jesus . God has created us , chosen us , loved us , revealed Himself to us , redeemed us , forgiven us , guided us , strenghthened us , and blessed us beyond measure . And he gives some of us spouses to love here on earth , who we all too often take for granted . While today I hope to let my husband know just how special he is to me , I want to turn my focus for just a moment to the One who loves me , and you , perfectly and completely . My boys keep growing . We will be celebrating Jacob 's 8th birthday this week ! Jacob is in 2nd grade and loves sports and video games . . . or doing just about anything with his daddy . It makes me proud how well he does in school , both in academics and behavior . But at home it can be quite different . . . Every new stage with Jacob is both exciting and a little bit scary since he is the oldest . ( By the time I get to Brady I feel like a pro ! ) I 'm learning that as a child grows up , discipline needs to change . The puzzle is figuring out how . A book I 'm reading made a point that the goal of discipline should not be to merely control behavior , but to look deeper and shape the child 's heart . . . the place where the behavior comes from . I 'm a little overwhelmed with that responsibility ! But I 'm thankful I don 't have to do it alone . We have used " grounding " as a punishment for a while now . Sometimes I think it 's effective , and other times I 'm not sure because I keep seeing the same attitudes reappear . Recently I heard of a new discipline technique that I 'm going to test out . The basic idea is to assign sentences . The child is grounded until the assignment is completed , giving them control of the length of their punishment . So if a child talks back , you could assign him " I will not talk back to my mother " 25 times . . . . which can increase if he complains about the assignment . But my idea is to assign Scripture that relates to the bad behavior or attitude . As the child writes , he will be memorizing God 's Word at the same time . For example , Ephesians 4 : 29 which says " Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths , but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs , that it may benefit those who listen . " I need to do some searching and come up with a list of Scriptures that would be appropriate . And so I ask for input . Have you ever tried anything like this with your children ? Do you think it would cultivate a love and respect for God 's Word , or have the opposite effect ? And are there any specific Scriptures you have as suggestions ? Recently I did some reading about persecution in the early church and I can 't get it out of my mind . Roughly 30 years after Jesus 's resurrection the Romans were led by Caesar Nero . He wanted to stir up hatred for the Christians and see them executed in horrible ways . Christ followers were arrested , jailed , and then given an opportunity to either deny their Savior or die a painful death . Some were covered in fresh animal skins and released into an arena with wild animals . Some were coated in wax and set on fire , being taunted about being the " light of the world " . The lucky ones were the Roman citizens who were granted a quick death such as a beheading . How many of the people who call themselves Christians today would choose this death rather than deny Christ ? Would you or I ? The courage and faith of these early Christians inspires me . What also amazes me is how God used Nero 's plan against him . Nero wanted to wipe the Christians out . Yet after time , witnessing person after person choose Jesus , the world began to take notice . Who is this Jesus that people would sacrifice their lives to honor ? These sacrifices became witnesses to the truth and aided the spread of the gospel . What man intended for evil , God used for good . When I think of those early martyrs , I can hear them answering their captors with the chorus of this song . . . I started a new devotional this year that I received as a gift . It 's a unique little book because the entries are written as if Jesus were speaking directly to you . And so far the words have been just what I 've needed to hear . I was getting discouraged around the holidays thinking about how I still struggle with the same issues . Yes , I 've made progress , but I want the victory . So these words gave me much to think about : " You can achieve the victorious life through living in deep dependence on Me . People usually associate victory with success ; not falling or stumbling , not making mistakes . But those who are successful in their own strength tend to go their own way , forgetting about Me . It is through problems and failure , weakness and neediness that you learn to rely on Me . - Jesus " ( Taken from Jesus Calling by Sarah Young ) It reminds me of what Paul wrote in 2 Corinthians 12 : 8 - 10 . He pleaded with God to take his " thorn " away , but learned to accept that when he was weak he was able to be strengthened through God 's power . It kept him humble and dependent . So this year I want to learn to boast about my weakness instead of getting discouraged , remembering that His grace is sufficient for me and His power is made perfect in my weakness .
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To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind . To talk health , happiness , and prosperity to every person you meet . To make all your friends feel that there is something in them . To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true . To think only the best , to work only for the best , and to expect only the best . To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living creature you meet a smile . I had two kids ( and then later 2 parents ) that would . not . shut . their . mouths . this morning in my first period . They got tons of warnings , redirections , I used their names in examples to get their attention , etc . They decided to get all huffy with me because I " wouldn 't help them . " They were confused because they couldn 't figure out how to do the vocabulary graphic organizer that we 've been using since 1st 9 weeks . THEN , they couldn 't figure out what the definition of the vocab word was because they " didn 't want " to get up and get a science book and weren 't paying attention the LITERALLY 8 times I repeated the definition AND wrote it on the board so that the kids that were paying attention could get it . I also rephrased it a few times and gave several real - life examples . However , when they clued in 10 minutes later and realized they weren 't going to be able to do the assignment , it 's " my fault they 're not doing well in my class because I won 't teach them . " Sure , I 'll teach you , but I 'm not going to go back to the beginning of the lesson half an hour in when you two caused your own problems , so you 'll have to hang in there for now . " Why don 't you see how much you can do and after you 've got the definition down , we can talk about anything that might be confusing you with the rest of the organizer . I can also help you at lunch . Oh , you don 't want me to help you at lunch ? Then I guess you really aren 't committed to understanding this . Let 's see if you can finish before class ends . " * Sidenote - neither of them ever even wrote down the definition ( I put it back on the board for their benefit ) . I 've been wanting to find the time to write this blog for weeks . We all know the cliche " you can 't fix stupid . " This is where I ask for your advice . I have a student who is most definitely NOT stupid . She does , however , make some incredibly stupid decisions . We 'll call her " Jenny . " Jenny is a cute girl , relatively popular , blonde , and has the potential to be intelligent but makes some really poor choices . We 've talked with her , her " friends , " and her mother about Jenny 's choices . Jenny still absolutely frustrates me . She can be sweet . She can be manipulative . Mostly , she 's just a follower . If Jenny gets asked a question about her personal life , what she wants to do , what she thinks is interesting in class , if she 's mad at another student , etc . , her failsafe response is " I dunno , let me ask Alicia . " She then turns to her superficial bff Alicia ( who sells her under the bus all the time ) and asks Alicia how she ( Jenny ) is supposed to feel about anything . Helppppp ! ! ! ! ! ! What do I do to help this girl use her OWN brain and her own emotions ? ? ? Seriously , how do you not know if YOU are mad at someone ? ! ? ! ? ! We got to have the powerteam come to our school this morning . : ) They were fantastic ! The picture quality is really crummy because I can 't seem to get my camera lens clean and also because they were CONSTANTLY moving . My 6th grade class is teensy ! At biggest count this year , we had 8 6th graders ( cap at 14 / 15 with our Alternative Ed kids ) , and we 're holding steady at 6 . They 're such a sweet group of wild children , and they all still have their inner " teacher pleaser " trait so common in 6th graders . . . . we 'll just ignore the fact that a couple of them would be in 8th grade if they were on grade level . Anyway , field trips for a school that 's technically a " program " and not a " school " are hard to come by . . . . less funding , more things to spend on , etc . The entire middle school got to go to a ( very ) local cemetery on Veterans Day since we had school . : ) While they were there , they did a scavenger hunt for the graves , got to do some rubbings ( a new experience for most of them ) , honored the graves of the Veterans in the cemetery ( more than a few ) with American flags , cleaned up a little , and just generally got to experience an outing . Nevermind that the cemetery is less than a 1 / 4 mile walk from the school . : ) You can read more about this here . My sixth graders at the time were only two and so the sixth graders have been feeling left out . 8th grade took an all - day field trip last month . We have had several " mini field trips " or " excursions " as the kids call them in my science class . We joined up with NASA and did a cloud and weather study in the fall , but that was back when I only had two students . We 've had parts of class outside as a reward , which is HUGE at our school . You see , we teach in an area that could be safer , and there are frequently gunshots in the blocks surrounding the school . Also , many of our kids have a tendency to make a run for it when we take them outside . I 've been promising my sixth graders a " mini field trip " to the great outdoors during our study of plants . Yes , I know we 're super behind . I didn 't get my first 6th grader until 7 weeks into school , and he had just been rotting around waiting to be put in a classroom until we got him . So , we started at the beginning . Just 7 weeks late . Today was THE day . It was sunny and ended up being in the low 80s , but we went out this morning when it was probably about 70 and just slightly breezy . The kids were ANGELIC . They stayed on task , stayed close to me , did everything they were supposed to do and then some , asked intuitive questions , and had so much fun ! It was what they talked about all day . Here 's the big trip : 4 . My kids also picked up a few variety of mushrooms ( which I told them were toxic - - - they 're not , but I saw no need for them to try and eat / smoke them ) and some moss . This worked out wonderfully later when we 11 . They had so much fun , and it was SO easy . Of course , I forgot my camera . . . . . . . again . I realized when they were all sharing the microscopes and clustered around working as a team and excitedly pointing things out and making connections that I needed it . I 'd thought about it briefly during the collection process , but I have memories at least . This lesson reminded me that I need to channel my inner scavenger hunt . I haven 't done nearly as many this year as I did last . Also , Kim at Finding Joy in 6th Grade is super sweet and nominated me for a blogging award . I was also nominated for this award by one of my best friends from college , Rachel at Happily Ever After a really long time ago , but it got shoved to the back of my to - do list . It 's . . . . the Liebster Award ! Boomwhackers and Lipsmackers - This is the diary of an elementary school music teacher . She 's one of the girls that most contributes to my sanity , and her posts are infrequent but always make me laugh . Misadventures of Yours Truly - I mean seriously , with a title like that , who wouldn 't want to read it ? Em is sometimes a little crass , sometimes a little too blunt , but always honest and generally has a twisted , wonderful outlook on life . I 've had some pretty rockin ' roommates throughout the years , but y ' all ? My current roommate takes the cake . She 's seriously the best . She has a knack for reading my moods and knowing if I need something and what I need . She knows when to sit on the floor next to me while I 'm crying , when I need a hug ( happy or sad ) , when I just need to eat ice cream out of the carton , when I need to celebrate , when it 's time for game night with our group , NOT to change the channel if I 'm watching lifetime or hallmark ( and I know not to do the same ) and when to leave me alone so I can focus on my schoolwork . I can already tell that 2012 is going to be a year of big valleys and big peaks . I 'm so so so so so so so thankful to have her in my life and in my apartment . : ) I know that she 'll be there for the lowest of lows , the highest of highs , and everything in between . I know that I 'll get to be there for her highs and lows as well , and it means a lot to me to have a girlfriend that you 're okay with letting see you , flaws and all , because you know that you 're not going to have anything held against you . It 's incredibly liberating to have a friend like that . Over the weekend , I was telling the story of our first real time together , our freshman year of college . We were just acquaintances through a mutual friend and got to go to Montreat , NC for a weekend trip to a friend 's grandparents ' beautiful , gargantuan mountain house . I 'd share it here , but it was such a hilarious bonding experience that I 'm saving it for my toast at her wedding . : ) Bless my sweet 7th graders ' hearts . They don 't know this , but I had a pretty crummy week outside of the classroom . We 've been doing Punnett Squares and today we talked about real - world applications ( as if being able to determine the possibilities of your children 's genotypes and phenotypes isn 't real world enough ) . It was more a day with scenarios and review . At one point that I 've noticed was particularly tricky for them , I stopped and asked if it made sense . They said yes , and had a little dialogue for a few seconds about what had been confusing them but now made sense . Several of the kids said things like , " I didn 't understand this last year when I was in 7th grade , but I get it the way you teach it . " and " You 're a really good teacher . Even when I 'm confused and feel stupid at the beginning , you keep telling me different ways to explain it and it finally makes sense . " In my second 7th grade class , one of the kids was getting hung up on the idea of alelles and just COULD NOT seem to grasp the definition , which according to his work and his vocabulary matching , he knew prior to class today and either forgot or something else triggered a little confusion . He had put his head on his desk and said , " I 'm just a stupid head . I quit . " It was SO sad . I hate when they say things like that ! I pulled him aside and gave him a little pep - talk and he perked up and then , when he started really listening , he got it like that ! After about 2 minutes , this sweet boy was asking if he could lead the class in the completion of one of the exercises we were doing together . Then , when they were working alone and I was going around and spending some one - on - one time with the kids , he asked if he could be a " student tutor . " Precious . They really gave me the encouragement I needed to hear that I 'm not such a shabby teacher after all . : ) As a teacher , I see a lot of kids who have kids young . Last year , the majority of my 7th and 8th graders ' parents were under or just at the age of 30 . Like , I could feasibly be a step - parent to a TEENAGER ! Trippy . Gross when the parents asked me out . So , there 's this concept of grandparents becoming parents because parents are " irresponsible , financially incapable , too young , " whatever . . . . . . or grandparents raising grandchildren the right way because their teen pregnancy may not have resulted in the best upbringing of their child . The article I 'm listing below at least approaches this from other countries , where marriage can happen young , and in Britain ( yes another country , but also first - world ) . This was probably a sound decision on the writer 's part , because who really wants to read about an epidemic of teen pregnancy ? But I think that 's what it is . Kids are not taught growing up what the consequences of having a child are . By the time they get pregnant and a baby pops out , they are starting to realize that babies are going to drastically change a girl 's body , take a lot of time , and so forth . For some of these kids ( I 'm thinking of one that I know right now ) , their parents , aka grandma and grandpa , take sick days when the baby is sick . They will keep the baby for an entire week so mama or daddy can go frolic in the true high school fashion of underage drinking , drugs , and partying . People my age in the US and elsewhere are GRANDPARENTS ! ! ! ! So , how can we help these girls ( and boys ) whose bodies are not fully developed , who cannot financially or educationally support their children ( sometimes emotionally as well ) . Point being , adolescence is a time of massive , massive change . Throwing a baby into the mix must only complicate things . Do people think that this is okay , and that is why teen mothers have children who become teen parents ? Are we just not getting the message across ? What 's the problem ? A 23 - year - old woman is claiming that she is the world 's youngest grandmother . Isaiah Choice and 2 others read thisRifca Stanescu gave birth when she was just 12 years old and two years ago her daughter Maria had a baby at the age of 11 . Despite urging her daughter not to follow in her footsteps and stay in school , Stanescu told The Sun that Maria left to get married when she was just 10 and gave birth to her first child the following year . " I am happy to be a grandmother but wished more for Maria , " Stanescu told the paper . Stanescu also revealed that she eloped with jewellery salesman Ionel Stanescu when she was 11 and he was 13 . She fled with her boyfriend because she was worried her father would force her to marry someone else in the village of Investi in Romania . Her mother , also named Maria , became a great grandmother at just 40 years old . Last month , the woman who is set to become Britain 's youngest grandmother at age 29 , said that her daughter becoming a teen mum was ' her worst nightmare ' . Kelly John gave birth to her daughter , Tia , at age 14 . Tia is now expecting her own child at the same age . ' My worst nightmare has always been that Tia would repeat my mistake and get pregnant young . [ When I found out ] I felt the colour drain from my face and all I could do was cry . ' John told the News of the World . Oh , middle school . I love them ! They 're different every day , and just like the precious little ones in the commercials , kids say the darndest things , even in middle school . 300 in the movie font really big on a black shirt . . . . off to the right side , it reads inches . The background is a picture of antlers . The wearer of the shirt is the darkest skinned city boy I have ever seen . When we walk down the hall , they are supposed to have their arms behind their back , be in single file line , and be silent . I have a tendency to stop them and make them wait if they aren 't quiet , which is , according to them , a form of cruel and unusual punishment . Every time I say stop , one of my 7th grade classes responds with , " It 's hammer time . " I know it 's inappropriate , but the vast majority of the time , it still makes me smile - and sing in my head . I have nicknames for some of my kids " Madea , Bugs Bunny , etc . " One that another teacher uses is Biscuit and Gravy . As in , " you just go together like a biscuit and gravy . " They have sausage and gravy biscuits as a treat every Friday for breakfast . They didn 't realize that we were mocking these two boys for a little bit . PS - They asked me to " journal " about them and their nicknames . They really are attached at the hip , best friends , first cousins , and look like identical twins . Monday , that is . Today was one of those days that started off great , with my kids cracking me up and ( mostly ) doing what they were supposed to , making connections , and doing some good learning . This morning , I was thinking of writing a blog of funnies . Instead , I think I 'll write about my crazy last HALF HOUR at school . So , it was a Monday . No doubts about it , but it was pretty good as far as Mondays go . 6th period came , and I could tell it wasn 't going to be a good one because of the way they changed back into their uniforms and lined up after gym . I survived the terrible class that was my last period today . We walked down to the gym , where they change out of their uniforms and into their street clothes . Halfway down the hallway , they were getting so out of control that I stopped them and had them walk one at a time ( about 20 feet apart ) the rest of the way . It worked . So , I had 2 kids who had broken into one of the teachers ' offices and stolen a jumbo pack of new , super strong hair ties ( and a few rubber bands ) . These become an instrument of torture in the classroom , especially with kids as sneaky as some of my 8th grade boys . I confiscated about a dozen during my last class , only later to find out how they 'd been obtained . On the way to the gym while I was spacing out my boys , one of the girls came up the hall crying . Some " sweet " girl had gotten into her street clothes bag , snuck out her pants , dumped the crotch in the toilet , and left them for her to find . Poor girl had no clothes to wear home , and the pants were sopping . That 's what we call bullying at its finest . : ( I had one girl distributing gum that she 'd smuggled in ( which means either from inside her pants , inside her socks , or inside her bra ) , and one girl verbally assaulting me over something that didn 't even involve her . It was like some weird cosmic sign saying , " Get out and go home now ! Get some rest ! " Of course , interim grades are due tomorrow , so I had to get the last of my things updated and stayed late . Elasti - teacherPhysics can 't explain how you 've stretched yourself to do everything a crazy classroom requires - from differentiating instruction for every student , finishing mountains of paperwork in a single bound , keeping in touch with parents , researching new teaching tools and techniques , attending innumerable meetings and much more . Bladders of SteelLifting heaving objects might be impressive for some superheroes , but not nearly as impressive as holding it from 8 - 3 after your large morning coffee ( because the caffeine fix isn 't an option ) . The FirestarterYou light the spark of learning that is the most important tool for young students . Once you light the fire , you extend those super powers to your students as they learn and grow . Power of Super PatienceThought not as glamorous as invisibility or flying , the indestructible patience you show in class is more important and more challenging than lifting an 18 - wheeling over your head . Webs of KnowledgeTake notes , Spidey ! Students can 't help but be caught up in the enticing web of knowledge you create with engaging lessons , fun projects and boundless enthusiasm . We had the pleasure of having an assembly yesterday ( Friday ) morning . One of the local churches was hosting ( and paying for ) a guest speaker named Chris Allen . They contacted the school and offered Chris ' services to us for free ! Chris was introduced , and at the beginning , I had no idea how the students were going to react . They had this white man who 's currently attending seminary standing and telling them that they could make better decisions and actually make something of their life because his life had been tough too . When he told the students that he was raised as a Pastor 's kid , I could see their attention start to wither . It was like the little thought bubbles were hovering over their heads and they were all thinking , " Yeah right , your life was tough . You had two parents and a home and all these other people that looked up to and respected your family . You had a stable income , and you were treated with love . " What they then came to learn is that Chris Allen was sexually abused by a man of authority in the church . Since his father had hired this man and he was a family friend , Chris didn 't feel that he could tell anyone what he was going through . He started drinking at age 13 and continued to become an alcoholic long before he reached college . He was the typical kid of past generations who got drunk and lost his virginity on prom night . Chris ' life was on a downward spiral . He captured some of their attention by saying that he 'd been the main event on an episode of Cops . Long story short , he ended up with a $ 300 / day cocaine addiction , living on a park bench , then fled the country to avoid the cops , floated aimlessly in the ocean for a few days , and landed on the US Virgin Islands . He 's been a bit of a traveler as a result of his bad decisions . Anyway , the effect that the assembly and Chris Allen 's message had on my middle schoolers has yet to be seen , though even the kids that were trying to sleep at the beginning were awake and listening actively at the end . If he even reaches and inspires one of them , I 'd call it a success . : ) Character development / education , baby ! As I was winding down this lesson with my second class of 7th graders ( I only teach 2 7th grade classes ) , I realized that I had COMPLETELY forgotten to take pictures . I was so upset and disappointed ! So were my kids . . . . they l - o - v - e having their pictures taken . I used a modified version of this handout and added my own creation of a review of this lesson on a separate handout for the kids to do the next day and recreate their DNA through drawing , color coding , etc . It was very helpful in reinforcement and retention . : ) Wish I could share more about it with you guys ! The views and opinions on this site are solely my own and do not reflect the views and opinions of others , my school , or my school district . Unless otherwise mentioned , I am the author and idea generator for these posts . I often write in a tone called sarcasm . It is not to be taken seriously . Most importantly , my students know that I believe that . . . . . each day is a new day , and we can start fresh and forgive past actions on a daily basis . I do not harbor grudges .
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Caution : This Drama Sex Story contains strong sexual content , including Ma / Fa , Mult , Consensual , Romantic , NonConsensual , Reluctant , Coercion , Fiction , Tear Jerker , Crime , Cheating , Revenge , Safe Sex , Oral Sex , Masturbation , Exhibitionism , Voyeurism , Size , Big Breasts , Public Sex , Slow , Caution , Desc : Drama Sex Story : Chapter 1 - A young man , struggling with a burgeoning sexual relationship with his girlfriend , has his life turned upside down by an exciting temptress . She takes him on a roller coaster ride that gets much too real . ( Trigger warning : There are adult characters in this story who have been affected by rape and molestation , as well as psychological issues arising from it . ) The hardest thing , though , was running and lifting weights . The entire concept was totally antithetical to my nerdy " I hate jocks " persona that I had cultivated my entire life . But , I stuck with it - and actually kind of enjoyed it . We got an idea to work on a collaborative story . It was about a young elf ( me ) and a regal forest nymph ( her ) . They were seeking to recapture some MacGuffin device from an evil wizard . Truth be told , the story was utter shit . Just a cheesy " Lord of the Rings " rip - off . All you need to know , though , was that the whole " story " was just a ruse that allowed us to hook up with each other , after which we promptly abandoned our story . She was a bigger girl and I thought she was kind of cute . She had a great smile and was curvy in all the right places . And good lord , the girl was seriously stacked like a never - ending game of Jenga . But unless she wore a tight top ( which she never did ) , she wasn 't the kind of girl that would actually get looks from passersby walking down the street . It was quiet , after - school - special copulation . Very awkward . Confusing . I had no idea what I was doing . I barely knew where to put it . Neither did she . Luckily , it frightened me less . I was strangely confident in the bedroom . It was the damndest thing . It was so unlike real life , where everybody else frightened me . I guess , since I already got the girl , why get nervous ? As such , it only made sense that I would take the lead in our sexual relationship . That 's what led to me heading to the bookstore to find a book . A how - to book . I needed to learn how to do this stuff . I was quite nervous while looking in the sex section at the bookstore . I was worried somebody would see me . Honestly , I was worried that Beth 's co - workers , who knew that I was her boyfriend , would see me , report back to her , and tell her that I was some pervert messing around in the sex section . I have no idea why I was nervous about that . Sex is a normal adult subject . But with Beth , it was , I don 't know . . . not normal . I found an older paperback there and began thumbing through it . It was called " A Sensuous Man . " It was written like an instructional manual . It was , essentially , just what I needed . It was graphic , talking in detail about pleasure zones , cunnilingus , and all of the other taboo subjects that we just weren 't told about in the dark ages of the early 21st century . Beth needed this . To enjoy sex . To not be scared . I wasn 't scared . I just didn 't know what to do . I just wanted her to feel good . To relax . I didn 't want her to be the frozen , scared plank she was . Somebody had to lead this . I was startled and instantly froze . I felt a harrowing and fearful chill burrow its way up my spine and slap me in the back of my head , like I just got caught with my hand in the cookie jar . I looked up from the book to see a mind - bogglingly gorgeous girl . She wore a pair of black , wire - rim glasses and her lips just shined . They were bright pink and glossed up , begging you to notice them , which I did . She bit her lip as she looked at me , a move that always made my pulse quicken . Most men could 've cycled through that reaction in a matter of seconds . But for me , armed with my magnificent social anxiety , it spanned 10 truly long seconds of staring silence . It was a long time to be quiet after somebody asked a question . After biting her lip with an almost innocent stare , she transitioned to a raised eyebrow as she waited for a reaction . Then , she produced a more relaxed giggle as she seemed to look me up and down . Then she smiled . I was startled at the realization . Was she checking me out ? I wasn 't sure that had ever happened before . I wasn 't the kind of guy that actually got checked out . " Are you sure there 's not anything I could help you with ? " Zoey asked , arching her eyebrow . She looked down again at me then back into my eyes , letting a little giggle escape her lips . I don 't know why I thought this , but it seemed like her giggle was . . . scripted and not spontaneous . It 's just something I noticed . Or pondered . And I noticed . And looked . It occurred to me that if I pretended to be reading her nametag - which I had already read - I could get away with looking at her chest a second or two longer . Why had I never noticed her working there before ? Was she new ? Did she go to the same college as Beth and I ? Why did a girl as pretty as her work at a fucking bookstore ? And how did she perfectly embody that goddamn hot librarian fantasy to a fucking tee ? Then , proudly , she just reached behind me , right for the book I had put down . She picked it up , looked at it , then back up to me , glaring above her glasses with her shimmering eyes , her expression overflowing with playful judgment . She pinched her face in a cute frown before losing her resolve and letting it descend upward into a knowing smirk . " Hmmm . . . " she said inquisitively as she lightly tapped the closed book against her palm , like she was going to punish me or something . I was frozen , scared to death . Despite those nerves , I kept glancing down . And I kept seeing her stupid tits staring at me . I kept yo - yoing back and forth from her body to her eyes , but couldn 't bear to actually look in her eyes . " Books are a good start , " she said , still smirking . She took a half - step toward me . My nerves were blazing and I felt like my heart would beat out of my chest . Then , she leaned in toward my shoulder . I kept panicking . Little by little , she began moving closer to me . She came closer to my face , like she was going to kiss me . Her smile disappeared and she looked like she was going to eat me . Devour me . I 'd never seen somebody look at me like that in my life . I had no idea what my body language was saying at that point . I just looked into her eyes . That 's all I focused on , centering my every muscle to my eye sockets so I could look straight ahead at her . Her baby blue anime eyes were glistening white under the lights from the ceiling the bookstore , almost like they were painted on . And she just kept looking . And moving closer . Daring me . She wouldn 't let it go . Her protruding breasts began to make contact with my chest . This went on for 10 of the longest seconds of my life . . . and 10 of the most intense and exciting seconds of my life . " You 're cute , " she proudly announced with an innocent grin and a tilted head , like she suddenly came to this conclusion after scrutinizing my face . " Your eyes are gorgeous . I bet you 'd have no problem attaining . . . life experience . " She glanced down and smiled a toothy grin behind her shiny pink lips . " Yep , no problem at all . " She quickly backed up , turned around , and while walking away , said , " If you need any more help , sir , I 'm Zoey . Just look for me . " She bounced away like a fucking bubbly teenager . My face was clear . No more pimples . My face was smooth and free of blemishes , since that acne medicine worked like a charm . That little gut I always had was gone . All that running and lifting had done me good . When I noticed I had abs a few months before , all I realized was that my paunch was gone . But I never really thought about it and noticed . My hair was sitting in a way that was messed up , but looked good somehow . I never gave it credit before , but I suppose I had nice hair . And my eyes kind of jumped off my face . I mean , I looked at myself in the mirror every day , but I guess my eyes are the first thing I notice about myself . So it 's the first thing everybody else notices , right ? Then , I reflected on Zoey and what she said to me . How she was looking at me . And I absolutely beamed with pride . I 'd never experienced anything like that before in my life . I 've heard forever about " love at first sight " and that must have been what they were talking about - that experience I just had with Zoey . Get a hold of yourself ! You have a girlfriend . Beth is your girlfriend . She is your first girlfriend , and she loves you and you love her , you stupid , stupid fuck ! I couldn 't help it . She was so damned attractive . I couldn 't even use the word " hot " because , from the way she spun a phrase , she was definitely smart . She was better than " hot . " She seemed like she could keep up with me . I 'm not brilliant , but I hated having to dumb down my average vocabulary when I talked to people . If she and I were on a date , she could easily keep up . I started beating off , right there in the bathroom stall . At my girlfriend 's place of employment . Thinking about one of her co - workers . I just simply didn 't give a single fuck . She told me that her birth father had brought her into some religious cult where he and his friends ritualistically raped her when she was a child . From the story she told , they were masked , holding torches and raping little girls . Or at least that was the image that was seared into my mind from her harrowing tale . It was , obviously , a bombshell . I had no idea how to react to that news . Even now , I still don 't know how to handle it . And she doubled down . She said that the experience caused her to have split personalities . Sometimes , she said , she 'd fade in and out , acting a different way completely , believing she was somebody else based on the triggers in any given situation . Afterward , she 'd have no memory about it when it happened . I cared about her . And she was my first girlfriend . It 's not like I would get another . I 'd marry her eventually . That 's what people did , right ? So I had to be there for her and work through it , doing what I could to help her deal . It was difficult because I was pretty healthy about sex . I was raised that it wasn 't taboo . My dad left his Playboy collection out in the open for bathroom reading . It just wasn 't a big deal . That 's why I was so excited when Beth bought a bra the day after my bookstore episode with Zoey . It wasn 't like any of the tan granny bras she had . This was a pretty bra . It was honest - to - god lingerie . The good stuff . I lifted her sweater over her head and ran my hands over her bra . It was an amazing sight . She was smiling , giggling awkwardly , but seemingly content . She let me lift her bra cups and suckle on her breasts , chewing on her nipples . I lost myself in her . She moaned for the very first time and had a high - pitched , sing - songy squeal whenever I did something she liked , like graze my pointed tongue along her hard , moist and crinkled nipple as it protruded an inch from her chest . My cock was straining in my shorts and I was grinding against her thigh . And she wasn 't pulling away . On occasion , I think I even felt her reciprocate by moving her thigh , ever so slightly , into my humping thrusts as my lips explored her body , trying to put her at ease . I fetched a Magnum condom from my bag and slipped it on . Before long , I was rubbing my thick cock head against her clit , and I swear , she jumped with pleasure . At least it seemed like she did . I didn 't think it was in my head . Every time we had had sex , getting it in was problematic . She was so tight , negotiating my cock into her seemed to take 30 seconds or more . She 'd always complain about pain . She 'd often tell me to not move at all , because it hurt whenever I thrust . She wrapped her arms around my neck as I thrust into her . Fully . I 'd withdraw my cock almost completely with each thrust before lunging forward and bottoming out . I looked into her eyes as I kissed her and she shockingly had a glazed sex look . At least that 's what it seemed like . I was new at this . I didn 't know . Her voice raised a few octaves as she was moaning in high - pitched mews . She had yet to close her eyes or really return my gaze , looking back into me , which I thought was a good sign . She was focusing on her body . I knew it . Focusing on the pleasure . It was a bit of a bomb , but Nikki said that she had been secretly struggling with her finances for months . She was trying to not bother Beth with it , but she was at her breaking point . She couldn 't make rent this month and she was moving back in with her parents . I offered immediately to move in with Beth . Yes , it was a big move , but I was ready to make it . We were a real deal . Sex the night before had confirmed it . " I . . . I 'm not ready for that , " she told me without making eye contact with me . " I mean , we just started dating and it 's just . . . " She was kind of shaking while having this conversation . It was the exact opposite of the girl that all but seduced me the previous night . She was " scared Beth " again . I knew that . I understood . She didn 't have to explain it to me . I smiled and kissed her and told her I 'd be there to help her financially if she couldn 't find anybody , even if that meant I didn 't live there . I was crashing on my friend 's sleeper couch for $ 75 a month ( even though I was mostly at Beth 's ) , so I had cash to spare . " Yes , and I 'll miss you too , you big dork , " she told me before grabbing my hand . She looked into my eyes for a moment then said dreamily , " I love the way you look at me . It makes me feel . . . special . " I gave her a noncommittal smile , because this " look " I was giving her was because I was far away , thinking about Zoey , and that Beth would be working with her that night . I guess a daydream look amounted up a look of love . Apparently . I let my mind wander . Beth and Zoey . Were they friends ? Would Zoey tell Beth ? Did Zoey even know who I am ? And besides , it was quite forward of Zoey to blatantly flirt with me like that . She must 've flirted with guys all the time . I 'm not such a prize catch that my dumb ass made her lose her mind like that . " Um , why are you , you know ? " Beth asked , pulling me out of me reverie . She angled her eyes down at my crotch to tell me I had gotten hard as a rock suddenly . She looked unsure and scared , and I just beamed and shrugged . " I 'm a growing boy , Beth . You rev my motor , " I flirted with her , trying to cover up the source of my excitement - my daydream . She didn 't take it as a flirtation at all , though . " I can 't handle this right now , " Beth exclaimed suddenly before standing up and walking around in a panic , flailing her arms in exasperation . " I can 't do this . I 'm not your , your . . . " " Beth , sweetie , I 'm sorry . . . it 's okay , " I told her as I wrapped my arms around her . As soon as I made contact with her , she shuddered and pulled away . Her face scrunched up . I sat down on the couch and clenched my hands together , just staring . I 'd be lying if this were the first time I saw Beth act strangely like this . The sex from the previous night was a long memory at that point . When she was out of sorts , I learned to wait it out . Then , with time , she 'd get back to normal . Give her space . That was the biggest thing . I picked up a book of poetry from the bookcase to occupy myself until she hopefully came back out . It was a book of poems by William Butler Yeats . I thumbed through and began to read , settling on " Crazy Jane and Jack the Journeyman . " " Could you walk me out to my car ? " she requested , grabbing me by my hand like she didn 't have a care in the world . Somewhat stunned , I walked down from her apartment to the parking lot . She squeezed me with her hand as we walked , looking at me happily yet silently , almost in adoration . Once we got to her car , she got up on her tiptoes to kiss me . I stared , nodding . " Sure , Bethy , " I said as I apprehensively brought her into a hug . She looked at me silently , still not finding the nerve to say the l - word - neither of us had even said it to each other at that point . All that flirting . That kind of thing didn 't happen often - or ever - to me . But Zoey probably acted that way all the time . She probably didn 't even remember me . And so what if she did ? It wasn 't like I did anything wrong . I didn 't flirt with her . If anything , she came on to ME ! And the book I was looking at was innocent . . . ish . Beth might 've freaked out . She would 've thought I was gross . But what was one more thing ? I already pretended that I didn 't have thousands of dirty pictures saved on my computer . I was fine . We , Beth and I , were fine . There was nothing to worry about with Zoey . Nothing . Unfortunately , it took me 15 minutes to write a measly two paragraphs about Jacques Derrida and deconstruction . My mind just kept thinking about that book , " The Sensuous Man , " which made me think of sex with Beth . Which made me think of Zoey and how forward she was . And that look she gave me that made my spine quiver . That magnificent body I had yet to solidly look at . In my postorgasmic bliss , I finally managed to write a response to Derrida and do away with my studies for a day . I decided to surmise that Derrida was just an asshole , in so many words , and that the umbrella of " deconstruction " merely provided him the vehicle to be an asshole in academic affairs . Yes , it was a bullshit paper , but it was only worth 20 points toward my final grade . So , I figured , fuck it . Regardless , no more homework meant my mind was left to think about my girls . Namely , that my girlfriend was . . . interesting . . . and that there was a chance I would see Zoey again when I met Beth for her lunch break . Both topics bounced around in my head . I couldn 't figure out Beth 's emotions for the life of me . She seemed fine , until sex entered the equation . Since , she 'd been all kinds of nutty . I tried to be sensitive . But I couldn 't keep up with her . Zoey , well , was just tits and ass . That was all I could let myself think at that point . It wasn 't like I could rationally think about anything else . I didn 't even know her . It would have been all speculation . There was no use getting hung up on speculative matters . I just couldn 't get over the fact that I had never been hit on like that in my life . And I was hit on . Whether I actually was or not , I was hit on . That 's what my brain chose to believe . I kept obsessing about both , so I figured I 'd get there early and sit in the cafe at the bookstore , waiting for Beth to clock out for her lunch break . And I hoped and / or dreaded seeing Zoey . Let 's just say , from a purely sporting angle , I was eager to see her again . No matter what , she was exciting . I entered the bookstore and looked around for Zoey . And Beth . I tried to not be too excited to find either one of them . But I still moved my head back and forth , peeking around all the shelves to see if I could spot one of them . I liked to free - write , getting words onto paper , letting go of images or sounds that were trapped in my mind . Then , they 'd come together as I spun a poem out of them . I didn 't particularly like poetry , but I won undergrad writing awards at my University , so I think I was obligated to continue to write some . It wasn 't great or even good , but it was a start . This was my process - write without much thought , then edit and find the meaning in rewrites . " Mash " sounds ? Paste ? I must have been hungry . Without being invited , she sat across from me like she was my best friend . I tensed my posture and closed my notebook . I don 't know if I turned white , but whatever that feeling was , it became known in my personal vernacular as the " turning white feeling . " Or whatever . I was a free writer . I would edit it later . This damn girl was the most expressive person I 'd ever met . She showed happiness , fun , and sex all over her face . She just oozed whatever emotion she was trying to convey with her precious mouth and her pink , shiny lips . " Good , " she said . " You were looking near my name tag the other day , but I didn 't know if you ever actually looked at it . " On cue , she pushed her heavy chest up and out at me . Jesus , the girl could flirt ! I was so riddled with nerves , all I could think to do was run . I squirmed in my seat . I wanted to run away from her . She scared me . " I , uh , remember things , " I said , my eyes shifty and unable to focus on her eyes . " I 'd , uh , like to think of myself as observant . " I sat back straight and picked my notebook up , clutching it in my hand , looking for a getaway . I kept yo - yoing between her eyes , hidden behind her sexy glasses , and her chest . Again . " Uh , it 's , uh , just my poetry and stuff , " I stammered out . Before I could even hatch a plan for this upcoming conversation about my writing that we were obviously going to have , she reached over and snatched the notebook out of my hand . I instinctively tried to grab it back but it was outside of my reach . She flashed me a cocky smirk . " Cute and talented . And I haven 't even looked inside yet , " she teased . Her proclamation that I was " cute " made me uncomfortable . But , it made me beam , too . " So I assume the et cetera is drawings ? " she asked . I continued to blush and tried to reach across the table to get my book back . She swatted at my hand and glared at me like a disappointed mother . " May I ? " she asked as she began to open it up . Every bit of writing inside was dated at the top . The poems were marked up all to hell , scratched out and erased . She just kept thumbing through , almost disinterested . " Masochistic passion engulfs me , " she said in an almost mocking , monotonous poetry reading - style voice . " Damn , you are a sensuous man . And kinky . " " Popping and mashing , " she interrupted back , " into a paste of goodbyes . " She began to put it down and looked past me , her flirtatious look finally gone . " Dang . The sensuous man is a poet . " She grinned at me again and placed the book on the table . Slowly , she moved her hand toward mine and began to rub a finger on my right hand . She looked up at me , a bit more serious , and lightly bit her lip . " You 're here ! " I heard from a distance . It was Beth . I was shaken back into the real world at the sound of her voice as Zoey jerked her hand away from mine . Beth hugged me from behind and placed a kiss on the side of my cheek . She was feeling good , from the sound of it . Beth then looked up and saw Zoey as she sat across from me , my notebook still in front of her . " You guys know each other ? " Beth asked . " He was in here the other day and I met him when was buying the ' Complete Works of Shakespeare , ' " she said , cool as a cucumber . " I saw him sitting here writing , so he was letting me read a bit . You know , killing time until my shift starts , " she smiled . Beth audibly grunted . " Gah , you know I hate that word . " I think I even felt her shudder , but that didn 't keep me from rolling my eyes . Zoey looked at me and flashed a little smirk . " Yep ! " Beth proudly announced and kissed me on the cheek . " Three months now , huh ? " she asked me . " I forgot you 're new . You weren 't here yet when we started going out . Everybody here lost their minds when we starting going out . It was so annoying , " she grinned . Zoey gave an odd look to Beth . " Girl , good job reeling in this one , " Zoey said . " Probably had to poach him from somebody else , huh ? " " I mean , he 's smart , " Zoey said , picking up my notebook . " And super cute . I assume he was taken . " Then , she smirked flirtatiously . " Either that , or you 're just dynamite in the sack . And have devil eyes of an angel , hmm ? " She looked at Beth and me with a proud smile on her face , quoting my own poetry . I felt Beth tense up at the sexual comment . " Uhhh , no , " Beth said , almost sounding grossed out but laughing awkwardly because she knew that socially , she had to . " We , uh , met in a writing class , " she continued . " Wrote a story together and just , he asked me out . " I looked at Zoey nervously . She could obviously tell she hit a sour chord with Beth . Her face looked crestfallen . " That 's cute , " Zoey said . " You got a good one . As did you , sir . Beth is probably the sweetest girl here . " Zoey stood up and gave Beth a big hug . " Well , time to clock in , " she announced . " Have a good lunch , Beth . Bye , Shakespeare . " For some reason , I was calm . I was able to come up with a deflecting comment . " Yeah , she just , sat down and talked to me . It was weird . I don 't even know her . " That 's right . Throw her off the scent . Don 't know what scent there is , but if there was one , it smelled like strawberry shampoo and perfume . " Yeah , she comes on strong , " Beth said . " And she gets , you know , inappropriate , " Beth guffawed . Yes , Beth . I NOTICED . Beth and I had a nice lunch break together . I got a pastry and we hung out . The awkwardness from earlier in the day was gone . We talked about school and what movie we might want to see on our next date . She was normal . " Hey Shakespeare , found a couple books you might get use out of , " Zoey said . " And Beth , " she told her , " When you get off break , find me . I wanted to ask you something . " The one on top : " A Glossary of Shakespeare 's Sexual Language . " I immediately shuffled that one to the bottom before Beth could see . But , that only revealed " A Dictionary of Shakespeare 's Sexual Puns and their Significance . " And I turned that fucker over . I smiled at Beth awkwardly . A few minutes afterward , Beth had to get back to work . " Tonight 's going to take forever , " she whined . " They have me working in the stock room all night , cataloguing . I hate cataloguing . " " It 's okay . See you in Creative Writing tomorrow morning ? " she asked , and I nodded . I gave her an almost chaste kiss . " See you then . " Still , no l - word , as she walked off . Lucky for me , Zoey was working the register . When she saw me approach , she began smiling and laughing . Nobody else was in line , so she talked semi loudly . Feeling remarkably at ease , I smiled at her . " The girl that helped me made some great recommendations , " I told her , finally somewhat confident . She returned a cheesy grin . " Well , sir , just make sure you hide these under your bed with the rest of your dirty books , " she said blithely . " Can 't have your girlfriend find them . I don 't think she 'd approve . " After she rang them up , she began to grab under the register . " Hold on , there 's a giveaway this week . Let me get yours . " As I walked into her apartment , she gave me a huge hug . " So , " she said excitedly . " I have some great news ! " She could barely hold in a cheesed - out grin . As I said that , I heard the door to Nikki 's room open . I saw a girl stroll out of the room and down the darkened hallway . She had an amazing body and long hair . Every part of her was bouncing as she stepped .
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My Uncle Gordon , ( may he rest in peace ) was an unassuming man who , on the surface , lived a simple life as a United Methodist minister . He was not a very good preacher , honestly , but he was a top - notch pastor . His abilities as a pastoral counselor are somewhat legendary among those that knew him . He had an interesting perspective on joy and sadness . He said that we all had our favorite things to feel happy or sad about and that we tended to repeat those patterns . I believe he was right . He also thought that sometimes we just needed to face up to our sadness and stare it in the face for a bit before we moved on . Sometimes those strokes of sadness come from unexpected directions at unexpected times . Sometimes you can just work right through them . But at times , according to Uncle Gordon , we just needed to go sit in the kitchen and do our best " sad " for awhile . Just go sit down and feel terrible for a bit , long enough to know you are a human being and not some kind of robot . Cry if you need to . Get it over with . I think he was right about that too . ( True grief can take longer , but it is still something to be worked through . This is not about that . ) I teach a lesson on Elijah sometimes in adult Sunday School that was inspired by my Uncle . He reminded me that when Elijah was calling out to God as he sat in misery under a broom tree that God , when he finally spoke in that still small voice , gave Elijah a list of things to do . If I seem l am happy person it is not because I have no sadness . It is because I give my sadness its chance . I experience it and thank God that I care enough about someone or something to be sad when it is gone or when it ends in disappointment . And then I move on . In truth , emotions are a gift from God , both happiness and sadness . They are different sides of the same coin . Sadness cannot be successfully avoided , but it can be experienced in a better way . This seems an odd statement . But I contend that sadness is to be a part of the life experience and not a way of life . Once you have given sadness its due time get your to - do list out and get after life again . Taking the time to experience the the joy is an important part of moving through life . One can also get stuck in the joy of a good moment when it is time to move on to new joyous adventures . Live , experience , and take time to feel lie a human being , whether good or bad . Cherish the ability to care enough to feel . Denying and repressing feelings can lead to a bad end . But so can wallowing in them . It is all about balance . March 11 , 2014August 28 , 2015reckeuph1 Comment A friend of mine and I were commenting to each other about a mutual acquaintance . I said that he seemed to be an unusually deep person , someone who had figured out a lot about life . We all know those people who seem to have it all together . If not all together , then a whole lot together . She commented , " You know , he has been to the edge of the abyss . " I didn 't know . In fact , I still don 't know exactly what she was talking about . But I did steal her phrase . There seems to be an abyss out there and humans seem to regularly travel towards the edge . Not always right up to it , perhaps . But they do move in that direction . Sometimes , the abyss seems to seek us . Some people will be living a seemingly charmed life when the worst things come calling . Sometimes the bad results are self inflicted . Sometimes not . Sometimes a person may be doing all the right things and all of a sudden some people decide to nail them on to a cross and hang them up for public view and humiliation . We know this . And , sadly , when they get close , some folks actually do go over the edge in a seemingly irrevocable way . This essay is about those who return . Those who make it back react differently than those who are permanently derailed . Often , it just seems permanent . At some point the decision must be made to resist the strong winds that blow us back . Napoleon Hill says , " Remember that the " Kite " of Success generally rises AGAINST the wind of Adversity - not with it ! " ( Just a quick reminder that The Happy Rock Way allows you to define " success . " ) If you are going to try defying gravity ( I love that song ) you are going to face the storm and be lifted instead of holding on and being battered . Or letting go and being swept away . This is a pillar of The Happy Rock Way . When the storm is challenged and beaten the rewards and satisfaction are great . The growth can be astronomical . It is earned , however . This is not a comfy cozy method of growth . The eventual calm at the eye of the hurricane is worth the price . But if one escapes into substance abuse or other forms of escape from life we experience the pain without any gain . As I write this , I have had some occasion to be in touch with a couple of people lately who appear to be getting it back together . This such a joy . They are not all the way back , but they are gradually moving in the direction of strength and understanding and away from weakness and confusion . This isn 't a devotional , but a lot of those who come back in a big way , who seem to be deeper and more solid than life , are those who have a strong religious faith . I can 't say for certain about other belief systems , but many strong Christians are indeed made from weak Christians who have been through the fire . They are not strong in their judgement of others . But they are strong in their own ability to live life to the fullest , to be there when others need them , to give timely advice when asked , and their ability cope with big challenges the way waterfowl cope with rain . Their faith is like the current of a deep river that flows into everything they do . This is a wonderful thing to possess , but I can 't imagine that anyone would wish the experiences that lead to this kind of strength on anyone . It does seem to be the only way to gain this kind of strength . This has been a very full year for many of us . I am ready to say goodbye to it and move on . But I wish everyone a full year of life and the skill and faith to cope with everything that it brings . As I write this , I am in my thirty fifth year of teaching music in the public schools of Oklahoma . I have worked in very small school systems which had twenty to thirty students in their senior class . I have worked for schools that were too small to field a football team . My current school system is home of the largest high school in our fair state . My experience includes five years in an urban school system , three of them in an at - risk school has since been closed . And I have have taught , at one time or other , in grades 1 - 12 . Never Kindergarten . Ah well . If you are down on your luck and need a friend you are in really good shape if your friends are teachers . They will care and care and help and help to the point of exhaustion . And , in fact , during the school year many of them care so much they border on collapse much of the time . They teach all day long , stay late answering emails , entering grades , and getting instructional materials ready for the next day , and then take a pile of papers home to grade . Or videos to preview . Or supplemental materials to read and evaluate . They go home and prepare and eat dinner , talk to their own families , and then grade all those papers etc , and then go to bed . After they go to bed they lay awake at night worrying about their students and how they are going to get them to learn anything . They are teachers 24 / 7 . It is literally amazing that , to my knowledge , no one has ever been slapped silly after telling a teacher that they are lucky they only have to work nine months out of the year . The fact that this has not happened also says a lot about teachers . They would really rather avoid confrontation if they can because no one learns anything when there is fighting . And even though you might not get slapped , you should ( pardon my manners ) really shut up about the thirty hours per week and summers off thing . Teachers , are , at the center of it , all about doing what they can to teach students what they need to know . I watched a teacher in the workroom in an urban middle school prepare a handout . She was making a hand copy of a page from a workbook the school would not buy for her class . This was in the old days of the evil spirit duplicator . She carefully wrote out all the questions in long hand and then even drew in the attractive graphic in the upper right hand corner . Then she ran it off for her students . I noted that it seemed a little easy for middle school . She said , " This is where my kids are so this is what we are going to work on . " I was so impressed ! Many teachers , especially in elementary school , spend a lot of time in their rooms over the summer getting it ready for class . Posters on the wall , things hanging from the ceiling … . Little by little they turn the entire room into a 3D work of art . ( I have no skill at this , being a music teacher , and I am constantly in awe . ) But students will learn better in a friendly environment , so they go to school in their " summers off " and make this happen . Experienced teachers also have an amazing skill which is somewhat hard to label . There are so many demands placed upon them to do things a certain way or to implement someone 's new idea of " the next big thing " that teachers must learn how to get their student 's taught in spite of all the education - ese garbage ( nice way of saying it ) that comes their way . They have had to deal with Madeline Hunter , Marzano , New Math , Old Math , Thinking Skills , Outcome Based Education ( Oh , that was a real winner ! ) , No Child Left Behind , and now No Child 's Behind Left Untested ( also called Common Core and many other things by teachers in private ) . And they still manage to teach students to read , write , be nice , stay in line , and have a semblance of good manners . This is an example of how it works : There is a professional development ( " training " ) meeting . Teachers are given a large bag of oranges and some little cups and are told to go make lemonade for their students . In a normal office people would throw a fit and point out that the bags were " full of oranges ! ! Hello ? ! ? " The teachers will send looks around the room and , if they are not facing the speaker , they roll their eyes . But it is probably more subtle than that . Then they leave the meeting and start talking to each other about what to do . They go to the grocery store and buy a bunch of lemons ( with their own money ) , judiciously use some red food coloring to dye them orange , and sneak them into their room at school . And on the appointed day they manage to actually make lemonade out of the " oranges . " The powers that be rejoice that their idea worked out so well . The teacher gets back to teaching things that students might even need to know . Teachers would much rather teach students than call their legislator to complain about education policy or funding . They think that the work they are doing is important enough that someone else should take responsibility for making sure it gets funded while they give their lives to teaching . They would rather make lemonade from oranges than confront people about how stupid it is that anyone would even ask them to do such a thing . When they do get upset about the way things are going they do not always make the best politicians . This is not what they do . They teach . But , if pushed , if classes get too large and the support what they do is just not there , then they will speak up . As teachers , not as sound - byte politicians . People should listen and ask questions . Not try to shut them up by insulting their thirty - hour - a - week - overpaid life and profession . People should listen to teachers about teaching . I have heard businessmen get upset about EPA or financial regulations that were made by people who never bothered to ask the businessman for input . I have heard doctors complain that national health policy is made without asking doctors OR patients . Ditto for farmers on agriculture policy and economists on economic policy . I think it would be a good idea to listen to all of the above about their areas of expertise . And I think it is high time that the political class show teachers some respect for the work they have done teaching children and for the things they have learned about teaching and learning . Listen to the teachers . They know more about teaching than Jeb Bush or Bill Gates . It should not be necessary for teachers to go to Oklahoma City ( or any other state capitol or Washington , D . C . ) and have a big rally to get this done . But teachers will go . ( See " lemonade " story … ) Some closing thoughts : I am tired of hearing people say that you can 't solve the problems of public schools by " throwing money at them . " We have never thrown money at the schools in Oklahoma . When I first started teaching my superintendent bragged that 80 % of the budget was spent on salaries . Schools in Oklahoma now spend 90 % on salaries and run the school with the remaining ten percent . When I started , schools would normally purchase things like school buses or even build small buildings with general fund or building fund money . Now even the " rich " schools have to borrow money with school bonds to do that . And we seem to be getting ready to build storm shelters with borrowed money as well . And as for all those " raises " for experience , I did some work with an online inflation calculator . ( US Bureau of Labor Statistics ) I started teaching in 1978 . My salary was $ 12 , 500 per year . Using an online calculator , I kept increasing the amount to find out how much more I am making now in 1978 dollars . Guess what ? In 1978 dollars I am making almost exactly $ 2 , 000 more than I was when I started teaching . All of the rest of the " raises " I got just covered the increase in the cost of living . $ 2 , 000 in thirty six years . ( Yes , that 's right , . an average of $ 55 . 00 per year in 1978 dollars . ) Other teachers can tell similar stories , I am sure . All those experience raises the current crop of reformers are so worried about were mostly cost - of - living raises . I know … Since that isn 't insulting enough , let 's make teachers pay more for their retirement , invest their money in a risky market , and ultimately retire on less money . Even though financial state of the teacher retirement system is improving each year and will be 100 % funded in around twenty years . Higher contribution , more risk , less money for teachers - That is sure to draw more talent into the classroom . And it is all not needed because our system is improving each year . Sure , there are some " bad " teachers . And policemen . And fireman . And insurance salesmen . CEO 's . Politicians . Dentists . Mechanics - cable guys - bakers - cooks - preachers andandandand . But considering the low financial investment we have a lot of darned fine teachers in this state . It is time we started focusing on them and showing a little appreciation . I have been teaching music in public schools for a long time . Long enough that the new teachers were born after I started teaching . As a young teacher I tended to really internalize stress . I don 't think I would have kept at it so long and so happily if I had not learned some ways of dealing with the everyday stress of teaching . Did I say I teach at the middle school level ? Some people will notice their stress level going up just communicating with a middle - school - aged student , much less a room full of them . This is about one of those ways of dealing with stress . I am not a visual person , really , but somehow I got the idea , from a lot of different directions , that it wold be good to have something on my desk that was both a relaxing color and perhaps a point of focus when I was having a long day . Our school colors , black and gold , translate into a lot of black and yellow paint . These are stress colors in nature . One of my friends pointed out that this is why these colors are used for crime scene tape . I can 't really pinpoint the source of this idea . It grew over time after talking to a number of people who are artists , both friends and relatives . I thought maybe some kind of inexpensive gem stone from a hobby store or a crystal ( like they sell in the roadside stands on the way to Hot Springs , Arkansas ) would be good . I rarely go to hobby stores and then not by myself . And I have never stopped at a roadside stand on the way to Hot Springs . So it didn 't seem likely that I would find anything that I could try out . One day not so very long after I decided this might be something I perhaps might sort of like to try , I was shopping in one of those stores where everything is a dollar . There are a few things I buy there from time to time . And I was walking down the aisle and noticed that they had bags of various kinds of decorative stones for , of course , a dollar . I had a look . These were nothing fancy , obviously , but I did find a bag ( almost a pound … ) of little round and oval ( or oblong ) stones with rounded ends that were a blue or aqua color . So I spent a dollar for a bag and another dollar for a little parfait kind of glass to put them in . I put them in the back of my van and , true to my form , forgot about them for awhile . But one day when I was unloading an instrument into my orchestra room at one of my schools I noticed the bag of glass gems and the parfait glass and I took them into my office . There were way more of the rocks ( gem stones , glass thingies , whatever ) than the parfait glass would hold and I it took less than half of them to fill the glass . I put the rest in a file drawer . I have to say they did look nice and , true enough , it seemed to be a calming color as I had hoped . I don 't really have any decorations on my desk . The pictures of my family sit up on the computer monitor . So it was kind of obvious to anyone who came into my office that there was a parfait glass of aqua colored stones on my desk . They are out of place amidst the clutter and no mistake . I had not thought about how others would react to this , but , sure enough , one day a student asked me , " Mr . Reck , what are those ? " I really did not know what they were . Since I am a creative person and crazy enough to teach middle school , there is no way I was going to say that it was a parfait glass with colored stones I bought from the dollar store . Before I even had a chance to think about it , I said , " Those are my happy rocks . " " Can I have one ? " I hadn 't thought about that , either . Who would have thought that would happen , really ? Certainly not me . I took awhile to answer to develop some sense of suspense , and finally said , " I suppose … " And I let the student pick out a rock . This happened more than once . More than twice . The first student brought in a friend to get a Happy Rock . Then both of them brought another friend . And then students I had never seen before found my office ( it is really out of the way ) and asked for a Happy Rock . So , of course , I had to up the ante and have some fun with it . " Hmmmmm … . . Well , you know , you don 't actually choose your happy rock , your happy rock chooses you ! " ( This also just happened one day . ) The other students would murmur in agreement after we had been doing this for awhile . " Close your eyes and reach into the Happy Rocks . When you find the one that makes you laugh , that is your Happy Rock . " And the student would reach into the glass , giggle , and pull out a rock . Some students did not giggle . They laughed out out . Some of the students named them . Some students have told me that they took their happy rock to class when they had a hard test . Some use gender pronouns when they talk about their happy rock . Some of them take them places like all - district band or orchestra auditions . More students who had a Happy Rock bring other students in to get one . So this has moved way beyond the orchestra program . Last summer ( 2010 as I write this ) I taught a class called " Psychology of Performing Music " at the SWOSU ( Southwestern Oklahoma State University ) band camp . This class is for students who , like me , have had issues with performing in pressure situations . The last day of camp I dumped a bag of rocks purchased just for the occasion on the desk at the front of the room . This , by the way , had been a most excellent and awesome class in every respect . It was a joy to teach . Someone in the class finally asked , " What are those ? " " Those are Happy Rocks . You can have one if you like . " Many of the students stopped by and picked one up on their way out . Since then many of them have gotten in touch to tell me that they took their happy rock to all - state and all - district auditions . This has also made me happy . A few weeks ago my wife , a band director whose band room was down the hall in the same school , came into my office and saw the parfait glass on my desk . " What are those ? " " Those are my happy rocks ! " " Can I have one ? " " Sure . " She keeps it on her dresser . There are lots of ways you can use a stone as an object of focus or as something to hold in your hand and " worry " . Someone in the family gave me a worry stone when I was a child , as I recall . I talked about some of these ideas with my camp students when I was visiting with them individually . But for the most part it is just about having something to remind you to think happy thoughts . I would like to update this story : I told a teacher friend of mine that I had a happy rock for her if she wanted one . She was in the middle of one of those stressful times that happen to music teachers . We never see each other , but one day we ran into each other so I gave her her happy rock . She seemed more than glad to get it . And also one to a member of her family who was with her . ( I happened to have some in my coat pocket because the bag broke … ) I can 't remember who said what , but we agreed that it would be cool if I kept some happy rocks with me so that I could spread more joy . I don 't know why I didn 't just think of that . I keep some in my van most all the time now and I have an old draw string bag with some in it as well . I gave one away to a friend at the National Memorial in OKC last week . It made her laugh . I laughed too . I 'm still working on the song … March 2 , 2014reckeuph1 Comment Anyone who has read or heard the Story of the Happy Rocks will already understand where this blog is coming from and have an idea about where it is going . The idea and the story ( and the song ) of the Happy Rocks has been inspiring people for several years . This blog is meant to spread that message far and wide . Onward !
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" Secrets and lies can 't stay buried forever in Cedar Valley . In the summer , hikers and campers pack the small Colorado town 's meadows and fields . And in the winter , skiers and snowboarders take over the mountains . Season by season , year after year , time passes and the lies , like the aspens and evergreens that surround the town , take root and spread deep . I just finished this one and am still reeling from how good I found this book to be . This has to be some of the most gorgeous writing that I have found in all of the mysteries and thrillers that I 've read so far this year . I found myself highlighting multiple passages as I was reading so that I could go back to them . There were even times that I just had to stop and reread so that I could fully appreciate the author 's talent and way with words . What a great reading experience I had from the writing alone . Add in an intense mystery where nothing is as it seems and I was completely hooked by this book . I love when I find a book like this with a new to me author ! This looks to be this author 's first book which is even more impressive . I cannot wait to see what she comes up with next ! One of the things that really stood out to me in this book was the main character Gemma Monroe . Gemma is one of those characters that I really enjoyed reading about . She is pregnant and trying to deal with this high profile murder which is enough in itself . But she is also struggling with other issues including her family 's past and trust issues with her significant other . It all combined into this intense puzzle that needed to be solved by Gemma while we also watched her to attempt to resolve these personal issues . I 'm not even sure that I 'm doing this book justice but just believe me when I say that it was so , so good ! I was also pleasantly surprised by how creepy I found this book to be at times . The setting of a traveling circus for a murder . . . . clowns . . . . it all combined into a few downright intense scenes . You 've got to love a book that not only manages beautiful writing but also then gives you chills a few chapters later . The ending of this book was absolutely perfect in my opinion . I loved it because the author wasn 't afraid in the choices that she made with the ending . It just all worked really well for me and I was left so excited about about this author . Overall , I am so glad that I didn 't let this book languish on my e - reader and listened to a recommendation to give it a try ! I will definitely be reading more by this author , and I 'm especially excited because it looks like this is a beginning to a series . Heck yeah ! This is one of those books that keeps you thinking about it for days afterwards . Even now I 'm planning on going back and rereading some of my favorite passages that I saved because I can 't resist how gorgeous the writing really was . I would highly recommend this book to both suspense / thriller fans and mystery lovers as well . Highly recommended ! " Holly , jolly , and downright deadly - the third Santa Fe Café mystery unwraps surprises both naughty and nice . . . It 's the most picturesque time of theyear in Santa Fe , and Chef Rita Lafitte of Tres Amigas Café hopes the twinkling lights and tasty holiday treats will charm her visiting mom . Rita is also planning fun activities , such as watching her teenage daughter , Celia , perform in an outdoor Christmas play . What she doesn 't plan for is murder . Rita discovers a dead actor during the premier performance but vows to keep clear of the case . Sleuthing would upset her mom . Besides , there 's already a prime suspect , caught red - handed in his bloodied Santa suit . However , when the accused Santa 's wife begs for assistance - and points out that Celia and other performers could be in danger - Rita can 't say no . With the help of her elderly boss , Flori , and her coterie of rogue knitters , Rita strives to salvage her mother 's vacation , unmask a murderer , and stop this festive season from turning even more fatal . " I adore this cozy mystery series so as soon as I heard about this book I couldn 't resist the chance to read it ! There aren 't very many series that I am completely caught up on but this is one of them because it is just so good ( and the books are such fun reads ) . Feliz Navidead was such a great addition to this series and the perfect read for this time of year ! In this book Rita finds herself drawn yet again into another murder investigation but with added stresses since her mother is visiting for the holidays . I loved reading about Rita trying to juggle everything that was going on especially as it seemed that her mother had some secrets of her own . I enjoyed the mystery portion of this story as it had me guessing throughout the entire book . It is the characters though that make this series so great for me . Reading this book was like chatting with old friends again - there is just something about these characters that I absolutely adore ! In this book we also had the chance to see some of Flori 's new antics which included " rogue knitting " . Flori is hilarious and I love all of the trouble that she gets herself into . If your curious as to what rogue knitting is , it is knitting things in the night onto / covering public property ( like statues or park benches ) . It cracks me up with the crazy things that she comes up with . I also liked that we got to see more of Rita and Jake 's relationship . I 'm a fan of that one so it was nice to see this book focus on it a bit more . Without spoiling anything , the author did set up a possible story line for a future book that I am very curious about . It didn 't have anything to do with the ending of this book though which I felt like tied up everything very nicely . In fact , this was probably one of the more suspenseful endings in this series so far . I was actually sad to see this book end as I just enjoy this series so much ! Overall , this was another great addition to one of my favorite cozy mystery series ! The added bonus was the holiday theme that just made reading this book in December absolutely perfect . I don 't always read holiday themed books during this time of year but I 'm really glad that I did with this one . It helped to put me in the holiday spirit especially when the snow was falling outside while I was reading . I 'm a huge fan of this series ( obviously ) and have read them all , but I do think that you could read this book on its ' own or out of order if you haven 't read the other two . I would recommend reading the entire series though as this is only book three and they are all definitely worth it . I highly recommend this book especially at this time of year ! Ann Myers writes the Santa Fe Café Mysteries . The first book in the series , Bread of the Dead ( 2015 ) , introduced café chef and reluctant amateur sleuth , Rita Lafitte . Rita and her friends stir up more trouble in Cinco de Mayhem ( March 2016 ) and Feliz Navidead One of my favorite reading challenges is starting up again and I am pumped . I know that I 've been a bit absent ( STILL ) around the blogging world lately but that doesn 't mean that I 'm not going to participate in # COYER . Heck no ! It just means that I need to work on changing the whole not blogging thing starting now . Being realistic , I might still be on the quieter side until after the holidays are over . . . . after that though , game on ! I 'm getting a bit off topic though . # COYER has new rules this time around and I 'm pretty pumped about them : That 's right , you have between now and the start of COYER , December 17th , to acquire the books you 'll be reading during COYER . And they must be books you got for less than $ 1 . 00 . The only exception is audio books , which you must have purchased for less than $ 5 . They must either be eBooks or audio books . " I have a ridiculous number of books on my e - reader currently . Seriously ridiculous . I buy books like they are going out of style ( and especially those $ 0 . 99 finds ) but then never seem to read them . And don 't even get me started on my NetGalley / Edelweiss addictions . I 'm more than ready to focus on getting some of these books read thanks to this challenge . My goal is to read 10 books during this challenge . As always I will consider any more that I read a bonus but I would really , really like to get at least ten books knocked off my overloaded Kindle . Here are some of the possibilities that I am considering : It was so hard to even narrow down my list of possibilities to just these . I have SO MANY books calling my name lately so anything else that is on my e - reader is also thrown into the pool of my potential reads . I am so excited about this challenge and cannot wait to begin ! If you are interested in signing up yourself or want to know more go here . Now I 'm off to work on my endless laundry piles while watching the snow fall outside . If your participating in this challenge , let me know so that I can cheer you on . Happy Sunday and Happy Reading ! Summary from Goodreads : When the bombs that stopped the species war tore holes in the veil between worlds , they allowed entry to the Others . Now , a hundred years later , humans and shifters alike live in artificially lit cities designed to keep the darkness at bay . . . . The humanoid supersoldiers known as the déchet were almost eradicated by the war . Ever since , Tiger has tried to live her life in peace in hiding . But in the wake of her discovery that Central City 's children are being kidnapped and experimented on , Tiger 's conscience won 't let her look the other way . The key to saving them lies within the walls of a pharmaceutical company called Winter Halo . But as she learns more about the facility , Tiger 's mission is derailed by a complication : Winter Halo 's female security guards are being systematically attacked by an unknown force . Now Tiger must summon all her gifts to stop those responsible for both atrocities - no matter the cost to herself . . . My Thoughts : I am loving this series so much ! I read the first book in this series , City of Light , earlier this year and just adored it . I 've been pining for this book every since I finished and was so excited to finally get the chance to read this one . I 'm happy to say that I enjoyed this book just as much as I did the first book . What a mark of a great series ( and author ) ! One of the things that I love most about this series is how original and unique it feels . Tiger is a déchet which is both a very rare and dangerous thing to be in this new world . Tiger was created in a laboratory and created for a specific purpose which gives her many special skills and abilities . The entire world that Arthur has created with shifters , vampires , wraiths , and all kinds of other supernatural creatures just feels so fresh to me . I can 't seem to get enough of it ! Then you add in a fast paced storyline where Tiger constantly gets herself into trouble and I found myself flying through this book as fast as I could . This might be slightly spoiler - ly ( there is your warning ) but I really liked that with this book we got to see more of Tiger 's relationship with Jonas . I like that the characters are starting to trust Tiger more and find that I 'm anxious for more of that in the third book . My one and only complaint with this book was that it definitely had a build up to the next book feel . There was resolution at the end so don 't get me wrong but there was also a lot of set up for book three . It didn 't bother me too much though as now I 'm absolutely chomping at the bit to get my hands on that next book . The wait is going to be the hardest part ! ! I 'm going to have to move on to one of Arthur 's other series while I wait for this next book to be released . The ending of this book was completely intense ! I got to a point where I just couldn 't see how it was all going to end and the author had me on the edge of my seat . It was completely worth the ride and I am left eager for more . Overall , this is by far one of my favorite new series that I havePosted by since the publication of her bestselling novel , The Murder Game . Since Julie doesn 't know anyone in her new town , when she meets her neighbor John Dunbar , their instant connection brings measured hope for a new beginning . But she never imagines that a simple , benign conversation with him could set her life spinning so far off course . After a series of misunderstandings , Julie and her family become the target of increasingly unsettling harassment . Has Julie 's stalker found her , or are her neighbors out to get her , too ? As tension in the neighborhood rises , new friends turn into enemies , and the results are deadly . " Fractured is one of those books where I found myself on the edge of my seat for almost the entire book . This author sure does know how to create levels of tension that keep the reader immersed within . I have to fully admit from the beginning that I am a sucker for books where the author is almost able to create a feeling of dread within the reader . It is like you know that something bad is going to happen or the other shoe is going to drop . . . . . . but you keep reading because you have to see why and when . I felt like the author did an amazing job of slowly building up page by page that feeling until I was unable to set the book down . By that point I had hit the point of no return and needed to see how it was all going to end . I loved my reading experience of this book for those reasons alone ! I also really loved how the author created a certain level of distrust that I felt with almost all of the main characters . As I read this book , I could never quite fully understand each character 's motivations and if they were hiding something more . It added to the overall feel of this book and I have to say that I loved every minute of it . I found myself constantly guessing trying to figure out how everything was all going to end . The book is almost broke up into two parts . Before the mysterious event that happened and then the after effects of what happened . The reader is left to wonder about that big event until the very end which is why the author 's build up is just so good ! I have to be honest though : I was a bit underwhelmed by the ending . Maybe because I was constantly trying to figure out it out so I had considered it as a possible ending ? I don 't really know if I 'm being honest , but I just felt like the author did such an amazing job building up to the ending and then it fell a bit flat . I 'm guessing that other readers will feel differently though so don 't just take my opinion on it . Overall , I found myself really enjoying this book so don 't be put off by my minor complaint . I had heard so many good things about this aBottom Line : This book is worth reading for the atmosphere the author creates alone ! Disclosure : I received a copy of this book thanks to the publisher and NetGalley as part of a TLC book tour . My apologies as I completely missed my original date and am posting this quite late . Posted by " With her inquisitive mind , Charlotte Holmes has never felt comfortable with the demureness expected of the fairer sex in upper class society . But even she never thought that she would become a social pariah , an outcast fending for herself on the mean streets of London . When the city is struck by a trio of unexpected deaths and suspicion falls on her sister and her father , Charlotte is desperate to find the true culprits and clear the family name . She 'll have help from friends new and old - a kind - hearted widow , a police inspector , and a man who has long loved her . But in the end , it will be up to Charlotte , under the assumed name Sherlock Holmes , to challenge society 's expectations and match wits against an unseen mastermind . " I adored my time reading this book ! There is just something about historical mysteries that I love . Add in Sherlock Holmes but with a twist and you have a book that I couldn 't help but enjoy . I mean changing Sherlock Homes into Lady Sherlock is just brilliant in my opinion . It allows for the author to really explore what it means to be a woman during this time period and an exceptional one at that . Charlotte Holmes is one of the most unique characters that I 've ever had the pleasure to read about . She more than likely would be considered to be a prodigy in this day and age , but as she is a woman during this time period she is just considered to be a bit unusual . Her father humors her more than anything and no one expects her to do anything outside of social norms . Despite expectations , Charlotte makes choices throughout this book that no one expects and it is these choices that lead her to take control of her own life . I loved every minute of it ! She was such an amazing character to read about and I really could not get enough of her . When you then mix in an exceptionally good mystery , you have a wonderful read ! I loved the way this book was broken up into almost two parts . One that focused on Charlotte and the challenges that she was facing and another on the actual police investigation . I honestly didn 't even prefer one story line over the other as I found them both to be intriguing . I never was able to figure out the mystery on my own but was left surprised by the ending . It was just a really great mystery that was made even better by the wonderful characters that this author created . I finished this one and was almost sad to see it end . The only thing that makes it better is that it looks like this is the beginning of a series so I have more to look forward to ! I cannot wait ! On a side note , I think that this cover is so completely well done . How could you not want to pick up this book based off of that gorgeous cover alone ? Overall , I really enjoyed this book and was left very excited about this series ! If this is only the first book , I can only imagine what this author will come up with next . Charlotte is a character that I won 't forget about anytime soon . I 'm so glad that I didn 't wait to read this one . I actually decided to read it based off of a tweet on Twitter . It was a great choice on my part so thanks to the book community yet again ! I would recommend this book to mystery fans especially , but really I think that this is a book that anyone could enjoy ! Highly recommended ! I really should work harder on not adding any books to my shelves but it is harder than you think sometimes ! These are all of the newest print books that I 've brought home in the past month or so . True fact : I have had these sitting in a pile in my bedroom just waiting to share about them with all of you . I should probably put them away now . LOL ! Also , I didn 't actually buy these all at once so that makes me feel a bit better . I should probably stay away from any store selling books for awhile but where would the fun be in that ? ? Here is what I bought : Track the Cat by Nevada Barr - 1st in a new to me mystery series and a used bookstore find . One of the best things about used bookstores is that you can find the first books in ridiculously long series . I 'm looking forward to reading this ! A Place of Execution by Val McDermid - I actually bought this one awhile back . Twice . Obviously I really wanted to read it . Ha ! So I gave one copy to my Mom and sister to read which they both highly recommended back to me . I 'm planning on reading it soon . The Deep by Nick Cutter - This was actually a Goodwill find . As it sounds perfect for this time of year I think that I 've made a good decision . Also I have heard a ton of good things about this author 's books ! The Surgeon by Tess Gerritsen - I 've had this author on my TBR list for months . I couldn 't resist when I found her books at the used bookstore . I didn 't realize that there was a TV show based off of this series . I 'm going to read them first then check it out ! Kind of Cruel by Sophie Hannah - I bought this one at my local Barnes and Noble store . It was on the discount table and since this is Sophie Hannah I just brought it home with me . How could I not ? She is one of those authors that I basically want to read all of her books even though I 've only actually read one book by her . I just realized that all of these would fit in with Carl 's RIP challenge . How perfect is that ? I would say that I won 't buy any more books any time soon , but I 'm sure that by this point you all know that isn 't true . I just can 't resist ! What books have you brought into your home lately ? Is there any book in this pile that you think I should read first ? Do tell ! Summary from Goodreads : " When a rapist is found mutilated in a brutal attack , Detective Kim Stone and her team are called in to bring a swift resolution . But , as more vengeful killings come to light , it soon becomes clear that there is someone far more sinister at work . With the investigation quickly gathering momentum , Kim finds herself exposed to great danger and in the sights of a lethal individual undertaking their own twisted experiment . Up against a sociopath who seems to know her every weakness , for Detective Stone , each move she makes could be deadly . As the body count starts to mount , Kim will have to dig deeper than ever before to stop the killing . And this time - it 's personal . " My Thoughts : Evil Games is such a great follow - up and has easily secured my love for this series ( which wasn 't really ever in doubt after loving the first book so much ) . Silent Scream set the bar high because I thought it was such a great read but this second book came out just as strong . Wow ! I cannot get over just how good these books are and how compelling I find them to be . This was a prime example of what a real page turner is ( as long as you disregard the fact that I read this on my kindle and didn 't actually turn any pages ) . It was a book that kept me reading long after I should have gone to bed . One that had me thinking about it when I wasn 't reading . It was suspenseful and tense and everything that I think a good thriller should be ! Obviously I 'm going to gush about this book for the majority of this review but really I think this book and author deserve it ! One of my favorite things about a good mystery series is a strong female main character and Kim Stone fits that bill perfectly . I 'm not sure why but I am always drawn to female leads who have troubled backgrounds or don 't fit quite in with society in some way . Kim is great at her job but she has her secrets and a dark past . . . . . it is those type of things that I find so intriguing ! I really loved that in this book we got to learn more about her past and what happened to her when she was young . I loved the way that the author tied this into the current investigation that Kim was working on . I also liked that parts of the book were being told by the viewpoint of the " villain " for lack of a better word . It made it all the more suspenseful because of the way that this book was set up . The ending was great and like I said previously I had a really hard time setting this book down . I found myself unable to stop reading because at that point I just had to finish and see how it would all end . It was totally worth it and I 'm left ready to read book three as soon as possible ! Overall , this has fast become one of my favorite mystery series ! The author writes books that make yoHere are my thoughts on Silent Scream if you are interested . " The streets of San Francisco would be lined with hardcovers if rare book expert Brooklyn Wainwright had her way . And her mentor wouldn 't be lying in a pool of his own blood on the eve of a celebration for his latest book restoration . With his final breath he leaves Brooklyn a cryptic message , and gives her a priceless and supposedly cursed copy of Goethe 's Faust for safekeeping . I 'm always looking for a new cozy mystery series and so I decided to pull this one off of my shelves . A book featuring a rare book expert is right up my alley which is why I added this one to my to be read list so long ago . I enjoyed it and thought it was a good start to a new series , but I 'm also having a hard time remembering some of the details after reading it a few months back . It was a solid read but nothing that really blew me away . I guess I like for my cozies to really pull me in with the characters and this book didn 't quite do that . I 'm having trouble explaining my thoughts on this book for some reason . It was good but not great for me . I liked it enough to want to add the second book to my TBR list but not enough to go rushing out for that next book . I loved the focus on rare books and book restoration which was really interesting and something I don 't know much about . In fact the sections of the book where Brooklyn was working on restoring books were some of my favorite parts just because I was so intrigued . The mystery portion of this book was interesting but it was never what really drew me in . Instead I found myself reading to see how Brooklyn was going to clear her name and get out of the trouble that she was in . In the end I found this to be a good beginning to a new to me cozy series . I 'm glad that I finally pulled it off of my shelves . It wasn 't my favorite but I liked it enough to want to continue on . And writing up my thoughts on it ( finally ) has me thinking about what I like most about some of my favorite cozy series . Food for thought ! Overall , I would recommend to fellow cozy mystery fans . " Hardworking Jamie Sinclair can 't wait for the weekend . She plans to be off the clock and on the road to wine country with handsome military police officer Adam Barrett . But when a strung - out soldier takes an innocent woman hostage and forces his way into Jamie 's bedroom , everything changes . Jamie 's never seen the soldier before . But he 's no stranger to Barrett - and with one word he persuades Barrett to pack a duffel and leave Jamie in the lurch . Jamie cannot fathom why Barrett would abandon her without explanation . But as the consequences of an unsolved crime threaten to catch up with him , a late - night phone call sends Jamie racing to Barrett 's hometown in upstate New York . In a tinderbox of shattered trust and long - buried secrets , Jamie must fight to uncover the truth about what really occurred one terrible night twenty years ago . And the secrets she discovers deep in Barrett 's past not only threaten their future together - they just might get her killed . " Three books in and this series has secured a spot as one of my favorite mystery series . Every book reminds me of why I love this series so much and this book was no different . In fact , it somehow languished on my kindle unread for an obscene amount of time for no other reason then I didn 't realize it was there . Yes , I find that to be just as ridiculous as it sounds . Anyways , the 4th book was up on NetGalley and after requesting it I realized I had never read this one . So I had to get started on it right away because how could I not ? ? I think that this book may be my favorite of the series so far . While every book has been both intense and suspenseful , this book really allowed for me as the reader to understand Jamie more . I loved , loved , loved that we got to see a different side of her in this book . One that focused a bit more on her emotions and feelings for Adam Barrett . I just felt like this was a turning point book in this series for Jamie , and I loved this book all the more because of it . One of the things that this author does best with these books is creates mysteries with a military edge to them . With each book I have learned something different about the military and how it works , which just makes this series stand out for me . For instance , in this book I learned about what a kill box is which is a term that I had never even heard of before . It is so interesting and I love that about these books . I also really love Jamie 's character at this point . She isn 't perfect and struggles with getting close to others . But it is these imperfections that make her come to life in the pages of these novels . I loved how this book put her through a ton of emotional turmoil . It made me want to read as fast as I could to see how it would all end . I always feel like I 've been through a whirlwind when finishing a book in this series . They are all that fast paced and intense . I have to force myself to slow down at certain points so I don 't miss anything . The ending of this book was perfect in my opinion and I am very excited to move on to book four in the near future ! Overall , I really enjoyed this book and am a huge fan of this series ! I think readers would be better off to start with the first book and read them in order but you definitely don 't have to . This book would stand quite well by itself in my opinion . It wasn 't perfect ( I managed to figure out the bad guy early on ) but it was the emotional connection that really made this book stand out for me . And as I spent the rest of the book trying to figure out if I was right or wrong . . . . . well I really can 't even complain about that . I would highly recommend this series to other mystery readers ! " It 's Monday ! What Are You Reading ? is a place to meet up and share what you have been , are and about to be reading over the week . It 's a great post to organise yourself . It 's an opportunity to visit and comment , and er . . . add to that ever growing TBR pile ! So welcome in everyone . This meme started with J Kaye 's Blog and then was taken up by Sheila from Book Journey . Sheila then passed it on to Kathryn at the Book Date . And here we are ! " Monday is here once again ! It was a crazy weekend and felt like it just flew by . Maybe it did since it included a girl 's softball tournament , flag football , a sleepover ( not at my house thankfully ) , a homecoming football game , overtime . . . . . well I think you get the picture . Sometimes I am more tired from the weekend than I am from the actual week . Ha ! It 's a fresh week though and I 'm ready to talk books with all of you . You guys ! This series is just SO , SO good ! I feel like other mystery lovers are missing out a bit if they haven 't tried this series yet . I 'm certainly going to be pushing both my Mom and sister to pick these books up . I still need to work on writing up my thoughts on this one which will be difficult as I don 't want to spoil anything for others who haven 't read the series and might . There is a lot that carries on from book to book . Hold Tight is a carryover from last week and is my print read . Not much new to report other than I 'm enjoying already . Dark Road Home is my new kindle read which I haven 't actually started . I 've been focusing more on the Coben book with the limited reading time that I have had . I 'm also still working on Ammie , Come Home by Barbara Michaels on my phone . I 've got plenty of books on the go so now I need to actually make some reading progress with all of these . New book acquisitions : NetGalley continues to tempt me endlessly with books I want to read . It doesn 't matter how far behind I feel with my reading , I can 't seem to resist visiting that site and requesting new books . This is where the first three books pictured above came from . It took ALL of my self control not to start reading First Degree Mudder instantly as this is the 4th book in one of my favorite cozy mystery series . I feel like I have been waiting for it for months now . Last Rituals was purchased by myself for my already overloaded kindle . I absolutely loved The Silence of the Sea by this author earlier this year ( I still need to review ) which meant it was a must buy for me . That 's enough out of me for one Monday . I hope you all have a wonderful week filled with some good books . It wouldn 't be fall if I wasn 't signed up to participate in R . I . P . ( or Readers Imbibing Peril ) . Even though I 'm a bit later than usual in signing up , I have been reading for this challenge already . There is no challenge out there like Carl 's Annual R . I . P . event and I look forward to it every year . As always to participate all you have to do is the following : " There are only two expectations if you want to participate with us : 1 . Have fun reading ( and watching * ) . 2 . Share that fun with others . " I always end up adding a ton of books to my TBR list thanks to this challenge . Usually I would share a pool of possibilities but since I 've been a bad blogger lately I 'm going to skip that part for the first time in years . I 'm signing up for Peril the First which only requires me to read four books . It almost feels like cheating when I 've already read three books with this event in mind . I 'm counting them too because I can . Ha ! Here is what I 've read so far if you are interested ( or looking for book suggestions for yourself : If you want to sign up then go here . Basically all of my reading till the end of October will fit in with this challenge because nothing makes me think of fall more than spooky reading . And look at that beautiful artwork from Abigail Larson ! How could you not want to share that as well ? ? I 'm also planning on participating in Blog Ahead . This is a blogging event that focuses on schedule posts ahead of time . This is something that I always want to do but very rarely happens . I wouldn 't have month long gaps in between my posts if I could schedule and plan ahead that far . For the month of October I 'm going to work really hard to creating posts ahead of time with the goal of getting at least a week ahead ( if not more ) . It is going to be hard but fun and I 'm really looking forward to participating . If you would like to participate yourself , sign up here . So I take off a month of blogging and jump back in feet first . Sounds about right , doesn 't it ? LOL ! Are you participating in either of these events ? If you are then let me know so we can cheer each other on ! " Dr . Iris Ballard 's glory days are behind her , so when Luke Hudson , her former FBI partner and onetime lover , asks for help constructing a psychological profile of an elusive serial killer who murders single mothers and dumps their bodies in the woods , Iris turns him away . She just wants to be left alone with her infomercials , her German Shepherd , and her vodka . That is , until she gets a peek at the case files . The media has dubbed him " the Woodsman . " But after Iris learns the sickening details held back from the press , and as she sets foot onto the scene of his latest crime , she assembles a portrait of a more complicated , enigmatic , meticulous man . Control is his motivation . He thrives on it . Soon he even tries to manipulate the investigation by contacting Iris , hoping to rattle the woman he considers an intellectual equal . The game is on . Iris thinks she has a read on her target , enough to push his buttons , to make him lose control . But when the Woodsman gains the upper hand , Iris faces the most painful reckoning of all - with her own violent past . " My Thoughts : I requested this book from NetGalley based off of the cover alone because I just thought it was great . Then I read the above description and this book shot to the top of my TBR list that easily . As we are slowly getting closer to fall weather , I am constantly in the mood for dark and creepy thrillers . This book was exactly what I was looking for and is a perfect read for this time of year ! It spooked me a few times and I found myself unable to put this book down because of it . It was just the perfect combination of mystery and thriller where as the reader , I couldn 't stop reading just so I could see what would happen next . Talk about a page turner ! The intensity level was high from the very beginning and didn 't let up until the very end . If this was this author 's first book ever written ( which she is just now publishing ) , well I just cannot wait to read more by her ! One of the things that I liked most about this book was the main character Iris Ballard . I love a book with a strong female lead and she was one of those characters I enjoy the most . She isn 't perfect and is in fact really struggling when the book begins . I don 't want to share why though as it is an important part of this book in the sense that it really shapes Iris and the woman that she has become . I loved her character and am really hoping that we get to see more of her in future books . I can definitely see this being a series and I would be first in line to get my hands on book two - this book was just that good . I 've forgotten how hard it is to share my thoughts on a book like this without giving anything away . Suffice it to say that if you are looking for an intense , heart - pounding read then look no further . This was just as good as I had hoped it would be when I first heard about it ( if not better ) . Final thoughts : I need more of Iris Ballard in my life ! Please , please , please tell me that this is going to be a series because I really want it to be . I feel like I didn 't say much about this book but I didn 't want to spoil any of it . Posted by " The Sunday Post is a weekly meme hosted here @ Caffeinated Book Reviewer . It 's a chance to share news ~ A post to recap the past week on your blog , showcase books and things we have received . Share news about what is coming up on our blog for the week ahead . See rules here : Sunday Post Meme " Wow ! It has been awhile since my last post a little over a month ago . And even before that last post my blogging has been sporadic at best . What happened you may ask ? Summer happened to start . I went from posting on a pretty regular basis to almost nothing at all . With three kids all in sports , life just got hectic and blogging had to move down the list a bit . Not that I haven 't been reading blogs ( I have ) but I haven 't been commenting like I usually do are any of that fun stuff . Today though that is going to change . We are actually home on this beautiful Sunday enjoying a relaxing weekend . I 'm ready to blog and chat with you all about books once again . That isn 't to say that life has slowed down as in fact it hasn 't . But I 'm going to work a bit harder to try and fit blogging in on my down times . That is the plan at least ! So what have I been up to lately ? The usual fun stuff like work ( actually lots of work as we have been on mandatory overtime for months now ) . The kids are back in school which means lots of homework help and everything that goes along with that . My oldest is in eighth grade this year which makes me sad to think about . Next year will be that first year in high school and I 'm not sure I 'm ready . Ha ! He is also playing football which keeps us busy but is so much fun to watch . My daughter is in third grade this year . She has also started playing travel softball . Coming from just playing little league to moving into a girl 's traveling softball team has been an experience . She is loving it so far though so all of the time commitment is completely worth it . The youngest is in first grade which just seems too crazy . He is the baby and I can 't get over how fast he is growing . He is playing his first year of flag football which is such fun to watch . Quite a difference from watching serious football games to flag where half of the kids don 't even know where the ball is . But such a joy to watch as he just begins to learn this game that his brother already loves . In between all of the practices and games I just try to fit everything else in . It is crazy pants some nights and the rare night where we don 't have anything going on is treasured . It is worth it though just for my kids and my husband and I don 't complain too much ! LOL ! I have been reading though if you can believe that . I 've taken to reading on my phone during practices , at nights right before bed if I haven 't fallen asleep first , or wherever else I might fit it in . My reading pace has gone down drastically but that is okay . I 'm just chugging along reading as much as I can when I can . What have I finished lately ? ? I can 't even remember the books that I last shared with you so I 'm going to start fresh with the last two books I 've finished . They are : The Kill Box by Nichole Christoff - I picked this one up after being approved for the 4th book in this series on NetGalley and realizing that I had never read this one which is book number three . I 've enjoyed each of the books in this series and I think that this was my favorite yet . I 'm going to try and write up a review for this one later today . Beautiful Maids All in a Row by Jennifer Harlow - I 've been in the mood for dark and thrilling reads thanks to Carl 's RIP Challenge ( which I haven 't yet officially signed up for but of course I am participating in ) . This was a perfect read for this challenge . Dark , creepy - in the afterwords of this book the author says that this was her first book that she had ever written which is just now being published . Say what ? ? This was so good and I am just hoping that she will write more books in this series . I should try to write up my thoughts on this one today as well . I don 't usually have three books on the go at once but I currently do . Hold Tight by Harlan Coben is my print read . Coben is one of those writers whose books I find myself unable to put down so I 'm really looking forward to this one although I 've just barely begun it . The House at Seas End by Elly Griffiths is book three in one of my favorite mystery series . This is my current kindle read and I 'm already sucked into it . Mystery fans really need to check this series out if they haven 't had the chance yet . Finally , on my phone I am currently reading Ammie , Come Home by Barbara Michaels . Usually I read the same book on both my kindle and phone but for whatever reason I was having issues opening the Griffiths book on my phone . I decided to download this book onto my phone instead as this was a book that I was reading ( and enjoying ) but then for whatever reason it got set aside and never finished . It has been so long that I 'm going to have to go back and start at the beginning but I 'm looking forward to finally reading and finishing it . Plans for today are just to enjoy this quiet Sunday . I 'm working on laundry and my house is relatively clean thanks to a marathon cleaning session yesterday . I 'm going to try and write up a review or two - maybe reply to some comments , and other fun stuff like that . I 'm going to watch a ridiculous amount of football and enjoy every minute of it . I 'm just going to enjoy being at home with the family . I 'm off to enjoy some yummy snacks but here is to getting back to blogging and talking books ! ! " For three years , Detective Jude Fontaine was kept from the outside world . Held in an underground cell , her only contact was with her sadistic captor , and reading his face was her entire existence . Learning his every line , every movement , and every flicker of thought is what kept her alive . After her experience with isolation and torture , she is left with a fierce desire for justice - and a heightened ability to interpret the body language of both the living and the dead . Despite colleagues ' doubts about her mental state , she resumes her role at Homicide . Her new partner , Detective Uriah Ashby , doesn 't trust her sanity , and he has a story of his own he 'd rather keep hidden . But a killer is on the loose , murdering young women , so the detectives have no choice : they must work together to catch the madman before he strikes again . And no one knows madmen like Jude Fontaine . " This book would be the perfect start to a new mystery series ! Please , please , please let there be more books featuring Jude Fontaine because I want more . I 've read a ton of thrillers and mysteries already this year and this may be one of the most intense ones so far ! Every time I say that I fly through the pages of a book from beginning to end it is the mark of a good read . I just could not stop reading this one . It 's funny because sometimes I feel like I say that a lot . . . the " I couldn 't put this book down " or " I couldn 't read it fast enough " spiel ( which is true at the time ) and then a book like this comes along which makes those two sentences feel like not enough . The intensity of this book at times took my breath away . It was heart pounding and there were times that I had to set the book down just so that I could calm myself down . I was that into this book and to be honest if life had let me this is one of those rare books that I could have just sat down and read in one sitting . One of the things that made this book stand out for me was Jude Fontaine . Her character has gone through the unimaginable and is now trying to figure out how to live afterwards . Everything that she has gone through in the past three years is still affecting her and then to have to deal with her first murder investigation since returning to the police force . It isn 't a good combination and I loved that her mental stability almost added another layer of intensity to the story . I could never guess how she was going to act or what she was going to do . I just loved her character and wanted to see her solve this case and prove everyone wrong . I 'm telling you again that this could be the start of a really great mystery series just based off of the characters alone . Add in a dark , twisted story line and you have a real winner ! Overall , I was completely stunned by just how good this book was . It wasn 't perfect ( I found the ending a bit predictable if I 'm being honest ) but it sure was close ! I picked this book up based off of another 's bloggers recommendation and I am so glad that I listened . Isn 't that just the best part of the reading world ? I so do love when that happens ! I already had it on my to be read list but moved it up to the top , and I 'm so glad that I did . I think that fans of thrillers and mysteries should definitely check this book out . It won 't be for everyone as it is very dark and there are many triggers that might turn some readers off . But I 'm here to say that I loved every minute of it ! " When Althea Leary abandons her nine - year - old son , Jasper , he 's left on his uncle 's farm with nothing but a change of clothes and a Bible . It 's 1952 , and Jasper isn 't allowed to ask questions or make a fuss . He 's lucky to even have a home and must keep his mouth shut and his ears open to stay in his uncle 's good graces . No one knows where his mother went or whether she 's coming back . Desperate to see her again , he must take matters into his own hands . From the farm , he embarks on a treacherous search that will take him to the squalid hideaways of Detroit and back again , through tawdry taverns , peep shows , and gambling houses . As he 's drawn deeper into an adult world of corruption , scandal , and murder , Jasper uncovers the shocking past still chasing his mother - and now it 's chasing him too . " I 'm thrilled to be able to host a giveaway for this book although it is open to only US / Canada residents . All that you have to do is enter is leave a comment on this post and I will pick a winner before the tour ends . Posted by " Detroit 2030 . Double - crossed by the person she loved and betrayed by the covert government organization that trained her to use her body as a weapon , Peri Reed is a renegade on the run . Don 't forgive and never forget has always been Peri 's creed . But her day job makes it difficult : she is a drafter , possessed of a rare , invaluable skill for altering time , yet destined to forget both the history she changed and the history she rewrote . When Peri discovers her name on a list of corrupt operatives , she realizes that her own life has been manipulated by the agency . She joins forces with a mysterious rogue soldier in a deadly race to piece together the truth about her final task , unable to trust even herself . " The Drafter is one of the most original science fiction / urban fantasy series that I 've read in a long time . I loved the world that Harrison created with this book and am very eager for more . I always talk about those books that you can just sink down into and that is exactly what I found myself doing with this book . It wasn 't one of those books that I could set down so instead I found myself reading and saying " one more chapter " for long stretches at a time . I really liked the fact that this book is so completely different from any other book that I 've read . The idea of being able to alter time but then to just forget what they have altered while also losing stretches of time was so unique to any other books that I 've read . The author used this to add such a thrilling layer of intensity to the book and it was just one of the reasons that I couldn 't set this book down . I 'm trying very hard not to give too much away here but warning now for a slight spoiler . One of the things that I loved most about this book is that the author wasn 't afraid to make difficult choices in regards to her characters and the overall plot . There were times that I was so frustrated but just made me want to keep reading even more . It felt like a must to see how this would all play out and end . Would Peri be able to figure everything out in time ? That was the question and it is what kept me reading late into the night . I loved both her character and also Silas ' character as well . I liked that there is a hint of something more there and am hoping that we get to see more of it in future books . I really don 't think that we have learned fully all about Peri 's abilities and that is also something that I 'm hoping the author will explore more . Excellent secondary characters also helped to make this book stand out for me . The ending of this book left me unready to see it end . I am absolutely pining for the second book at this point . I 'm also kicking myself a bit for waiting so long to read this one . I loved the way the author ended this book and won 't say more than that ( other than it fit perfectly with the book in my opinion ) . Final thoughts can be summed up as " Read it ! " A page turning read would be the perfect way to describe this book as well . Obviously I don 't have anything but good things to say about it . I would love to find more books like this so I 'm thinking that I need to stick my toes more in the science fiction genre . I 'm also planning on reading this author 's Rachel Morgan series while I wait for book two to release in this one . It is another series that I 've always meant to read and put off but no longer . If that series is half as good as this book was , then I 'm in for a real treat ! I love to read and talk books . I prefer fiction and enjoy urban fantasy , mysteries , historical fiction , anything paranormal , general fiction , horror , fantasy , science fiction , and a good romance . I am willing to accept review copies in exchange for my honest thoughts on each book that I read . Email me at samantha . 1020ATyahooDOTcom if you have any other questions : )
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By kmcmahoncoleman So , we 've established that I 've got a wee bit of a soft spot for Rob Thomas . This is not a new thing - my love affair with the music of Rob Thomas and Matchbox 20 has been going slightly longer than the one with my husband . I 've long joked with people who react with disbelief to learning that I named my only son after him , " well , it 's not like they 're ever going to meet . " The other competition winners were lovely people , and the excitement was palpable . We had to wait in the tiniest corridor you 've ever seen , and Rob was supposed to walk straight past us . Except he didn 't : he stopped and said hi to the lucky few waiting to meet him . We were then led in two - by - two . I went to shake hands , hoping that was allowed . Rob Thomas put out his arms and gestured for a hug . It would have been rude not to respond . Rob Thomas ( the musician ) then extended his hand to my son and said , " Hi . Rob " ( We both resisted the urge to say , " I know . " ) . My son replied in kind , also extending his hand and saying , " Hi . Rob , " and then Rob Thomas the musician looked at me in confusion and Rob Thomas ( aged 14 ) and I both said , " Rob Thomas " in unison . And then Rob Thomas ( musician ) got really excited , and said he 'd only ever met one other Rob Thomas ( the TV guy ) . ( I think he missed the bit about these being the boy - oh 's given names , but the conversation moved into interesting territory pretty quickly , and it probably meant I didn 't seem quite so stalker - ish as I otherwise might have ) . So suddenly we 're on solid ground , because Rob Thomas ( the TV guy ) is something of a pop culture icon . He 's the man behind Veronica Mars , which was discussed at great length at our school reunion ( I 'll watch it soon , Phoopie , I promise ! ) , as well as the reboot of 90210 , which Roslyn and I will be looking at in some detail in our next book , Mental Health on TV : Representation and Reality . And then , Rob Thomas ( the musician ) starts talking zombies . Because Rob Thomas ( TV guy ) is now running iZombie on the CW ( the network that is also home to The Vampire Diaries ) . Now , I admit I was a bit overwhelmed by this whole experience , and maybe that explains how I had missed the point that the State Theatre concert was going to be markedly different from the arena - spectacular - esque Melbourne version at RLA a few days earlier . This turned out to be a pretty good thing . I feel incredibly blessed to have seen both " versions " of # theGreatUnknownAussie16 tour . By kmcmahoncoleman Many years ago , I was a young , beginning teacher with very little discretionary income , yet still I shelled out for a CD called Yourself or Someone Like You by Matchbox 20 . To give you an idea , that album and Live 's Throwing Copper were what my teenage students at Mulwaree High and I bonded over - but ' my ' copy of Throwing Copper began life in my brother 's collection and may or may not have mysteriously travelled to Goulburn with me when I moved out . ( Sorry , Justin ) . I 've loved every album from MB20 and also from their frontman , Rob Thomas . I have the INXS track where he sang lead ; his Christmas single , and his track from the Meet the Robinsons soundtrack , Little Wonders ( more on that later ) . You could say I 'm a bit of a fan . There was a track on Yourself or Someone Like You that always resonated for me : Real World . I love it . I do wish the Real World would stop bothering me . As someone who is an overthinker , it doesn 't happen often . But most of all , I loved the line , " I wonder what it 's like to be the head honcho . " Not because I do - leadership is not something to which I particularly aspire - but because my tiny , erratic , loud Scottish grandfather used the phrase . A lot . He would ring the phone company , or the electricity company , or the local K - Mart , and bark down the phone in his inimitable and almost incomprehensible accent to whatever hapless person answered , " I want to speak to the Head Honcho . " So , in November 2000 when my Grandpa , Tom , was in hospital for the last time , I was staying at his house when a competition came on the TV . Ring up , answer one simple question , and you could win two tickets to see MB20 in Wollongong , they said . The question was , " Name the frontman of Matchbox 20 . " I did . I won . My friend Jody and I went to the concert the night before my Grandpa 's funeral and I said a private , quiet goodbye to him when I heard the head honcho line . At the concert , I was impressed . I have always loved musicians who wrote their own music : Lennon and McCartney , Andersson & Ulvaeus , Billy Joel , the Finn brothers . ( Don 't bother hating on my musical taste ; I 'm way too old to care ) . These guys also write their own stuff . Thomas played : guitar , piano , even drums . Part of the set was acoustic , and I was awed . At one point I saw Adam Gaynor ( who has since left the band ) beckon a security guard , indicating that he wanted to give his plectrum to someone in the audience . I rolled my eyes , expecting it to be some buxom blonde . It wasn 't . It was a kid , about ten years old , there with his Mum and floating on air when he received it . I was impressed . These guys , it seemed , were class acts . Jody and I were both pregnant with our second babies at the time . I came home from the concert and my husband asked how it was . Two things , I said . From now on , I want to go see these guys whenever they tour . Also , Rob Thomas is a nice name . Now in my defence , Robert and Thomas were both family names that were already on the short list ( along with one other ) . It just wasn 't a combination we 'd put together before . But I had a moment during that concert when I thought , I wouldn 't mind if my son turned out like one of these guys . And so I have an almost - 15 year old whose given names are Robert Thomas , in that order . And last week , Live Nation contacted me to say I 'd won two tickets and a meet and greet in Sydney with Rob Thomas in Sydney next week , because I shared the story of my boy 's name and said I 'd like to introduce him to his namesake . I have been quietly freaking out ever since . Via email , Roslyn reassured me that my worst fears were unlikely to come true : Rob Thomas probably won 't think I 'm an unintelligible idiot who can 't string a sentence together ; and if he thinks I 'm nuts for naming my kid after a pop / rock singer , there 's nothing I can do about it now . But , as I confided to my daughter , my greatest fear really is : what if he turns out to be a jerk , and I 've named my kid after him ? The love affair with MB2o and RT is ongoing , and has seen me through some tough times . When my Rob was 3 and my daughter was 5 , I was diagnosed with choriocarcinoma ; a cancer that is rare , aggressive , and thankfully , treatable . I had a clunky blue Discman and my MB20 albums to get me through long lonely nights in the oncology ward , away from my husband and kids . The song 3AM came to have particular significance . So did others . Years later , I was being interviewed on - air at Relay for Life about my cancer experience and Ricardo Bardon , a wonderfully supportive local DJ who was there with our sponsors Power FM , asked me how I got through it . " Well , " I said , " I discovered just how dark my sense of humour is . And I listened to a lot of Matchbox 20 . " He raised his eyebrows , so I elaborated , citing lyrics : " I 've got a disease / down deep inside me . " He laughed . I continued , " I 'm not crazy / I 'm just a little unwell . " I 've been in complete remission for more than a decade , but having had a serious illness changes your views on mortality a bit , to the point where I 'm no longer scared of it , and I tell the kids what I expect at my funeral . Well , I am the planning queen of the household , I won 't be able to do it , and I want it done right . This makes them a bit uncomfortable , but their father has the memory span of a goldfish ( in fact , most days he can 't remember the names of his own goldfish ) , so there 's not much point telling him . So I 've told the kids that they are to play " Little Wonders " at my funeral , or I will haunt them . This makes them roll their eyes , complain , and also look at me in sort of amused horror when the song plays on my iPod in the car . Several years back , I wrote my PhD thesis about Indigenous writers and writing , looking specifically at how colonisation and forcing people off country caused social problems , and influenced Indigenous writing . I 've tried to walk the walk , too ; teaching academic literacies to students in the Aboriginal Education and Training Unit in Nowra ( a site opposite the Bomaderry Homes ) , working with the fabulous staff and students at Woolyungah Indigenous Centre whenever I get the chance , teaching into the Djinggi Project , being a " yellafella " volunteer at the National Reconciliation Conference in Wollongong way back in 1999 . We 've blogged about racism in Australian sport , and the power of inappropriate comments . Last month , I was in a class at UNSW when a friend who is an immigrant from Britain said that she couldn 't really understand the link to country , but that she respected it . The lecturer pointed out that many Australians don 't really understand the symbiotic link to country , either , and commented on the current government " plan " to shut down some remote communities . Hang on , I argued , even if we don 't get it , surely we know that this doesn 't work , because they tried this in Cherbourg in Queensland , and Bomaderry in New South Wales , and Moore Rover in Western Australian , and a whole bunch of other places , and it didn 't work then , either . The lecturer looked at me and said , " yes , but most Australians aren 't as well educated as you . " Back to Rob Thomas . So , for my birthday , my firstborn decided I needed concert tickets . She enlisted her father 's help , because the ticket price was a bit beyond her , and then I further complicated things by insisting on going to Melbourne because none of the NSW concerts were indoors , and we once booked the whole family tickets to Day on the Green at Moss Vale on Valentine 's day ( Rob Thomas ' birthday ! ) and it poured , and my husband said we couldn 't take the kids out in that , and I wept all the way back to Nowra . I 'm sure I 'll get over it one day , but I 'm still at the point where I 'd rather pay for airfares and accommodation than have that happen ever again . So we were at Rod Laver Arena for the first show of the Australian tour . We were there for that comment . Basically , the story in a nutshell goes : there were technical difficulties . Rob Thomas turned and asked his band if it was all of them , and one of the backing singers clearly said , yes . He then tried to fill for a bit , saying he 'd tell a story . He decided to share his cure for jet lag . First , he said , I start drinking as soon as I get on the plane , and I drink until I think I 'm Australian . We all laughed . Then , he said , I drink until I think I 'm a black Australian . There was a collective gasp . I turned to my daughter in disbelief . This is a guy who sings , " My sisters and my brothers / of every different colour ; " a guy who had a clearly multicultural band , whose wife and in - laws are Latina , and someone who advocates for all kinds of human , as well as animal rights ( in the picture above , my daughter is wearing an anti - animal cruelty Sidewalk Angels shirt ) . It seemed out of character . Then he said to someone up the front , " don 't be racist . " He went on to say that after that , he drinks until he thinks he 's a little girl , and then his wife gets worried about him . OK , I thought . Seems sincere . I still don 't get why it would be OK anywhere , or why he thinks it 's only at this point in time , but it seems genuine , and it seems like it 's him ( not some PR person ) . That 's good . Then people started messaging me : Oh dear . Hope this didn 't ruin your night . And so on . And they were sending links to the media reports of it . Read the man 's apology . He 's not saying , " I wish that I didn 't have to be politically correct . " He 's saying , " I 'm sorry that I wasn 't politically correct . " Being politically correct is not a bad thing ; it 's the same as the great Aussie practice of " giving a stuff . " He was upset that he had caused offence , not complaining about those who took it . Well , no . I 'm not sure we did . Once I read the context in the second apology , I was closer to " getting " it , though . It is very tempting , when you are a " fan , " to excuse even the inexcusable . You only have to consider the etymology of the word to see why this happens : only a fanatic will think that their idol is right , all the time . I am not apologising for or excusing the comment . It was the wrong thing to say . Rob Thomas has acknowledged that . He 's apologised . He 's said what he 's going to do - educate himself - in order to rectify that . So : the guy is not , as it turns out , a jerk ( one arguably inadvertent jerky comment notwithstanding ) . If my son grows up to be someone who admits his mistakes , explains them without making excuses for them , apologises , and attempts to make amends , I 'll be a very proud mother . Rob Thomas is still a nice name , and I will still be pretty happy if my son grows up to be a little bit like him … because I want both my kids to take responsibility for their actions , and their mistakes . About two years ago , we rescued two hens and dubbed them Idris and Clara . I say rescued , because although they were advertised for sale on a local pets / produce swap / sell page , when we got there , they were in the world 's tiniest yard in our area 's worst suburb . When we paid the man , he tried to get them out of their cramped , dark pen , and Idris , in particular , made a very energetic run for it . The man 's naked toddler was chasing after her shouting , and the man was shouting and swearing , so I kind of didn 't blame her . But Idris quickly became known as " the big white one " because she was big , white and it seemed mean to add the descriptors " nasty " and " anti - social . " In hindsight , perhaps Davros or Missy would have suited her better . Both birds came to us with scaly mite , so we spent some time treating them and getting them to be nice , healthy girls . They assimilated with their coopmates with minimal fuss , and Clara would ( almost ) always come when called . Idris never would . A week or two ago , I noticed that Clara was looking floppy . Her comb had flopped , her tail was drooping , and she 'd clearly lost condition . We treated all the girls for mites and worms , and while her two buddies immediately bucked up , she continued to look … well , floppy . I went to shoo her into her coop one evening and she landed on her tummy and sat there , looking shocked . She 'd forgotten to put her feet out . So when I had a day working - from - home , I figured I 'd better give her some quality time while I still could . I coddled her with a warm towel , cuddles , and hand feeding her creamed corn . She loved it , and was even quite enthusiastic about the food . But it was obvious that she was struggling . I wasn 't home on Wednesday night , so I rang the kids and asked had they checked that the coop was locked . My daughter told me that " Clara was sleeping down the bottom . " She couldn 't even made her way up into the safety of the nesting boxes . And that 's where I found her on Thursday morning . She looked like she was napping , and as I approached , I was hoping against hope for a different outcome . But no . The inevitable had happened , and even though I was expecting it , it was still hard to accept . Following Kaja 's post breaking the news about Beau and Edythe ( don 't you just love them already ? ) I thought I 'd post Stephenie Meyer Explains Gender Flipped Twilight from Publisher 's Weekly . Love to hear your views on this . Does Meyer still have her finger on the pulse of middle America or has she flipped along with the gender ? Do tell . In good old ' Straya , sport is so much a part of our culture that politicians and journalists use these kinds of metaphors , university subjects tackle Sport & Popular Culture together , and the coalescence of sport and popular culture in the Australian imagination are discussed in both the mainstream press and in academia . So if we 're going to look at shifting the shape of popular culture , sooner or later , we were going to have to deal with sport on some level . And sure , I was expecting it to be a kids ' book about a soccer - playing werewolf or something , but since I haven 't come across one yet and this is such a big thing in our nation right now ( and only likely to get more airtime with the US Open coming up ) , it seems like it 's time to look at what 's going on . This past month the media debate about what it 's OK to say and what it 's not OK to say , on and off a sporting field , has been omnipresent . And it 's ongoing . Recently , rising Aussie tennis star Nick Kyrgios " sledged " his opponent Stan Wawrinka by " letting him know " that his rumoured girlfriend Donna Vekic had at some time in the past allegedly made a presumably informed , adult choice to have sex with someone else whom Kyrgios knew - his teammate and friend , fellow Aussie rising star Thanasi Kokkinakis . All four people involved in this saga are current tennis players on the circuit . Realistically , probably none of them wanted this news broadcast by the omnipresent microphones and cameras courtside . But Kyrgios is the only one who had agency in this story breaking . He really stepped outside the bounds of professional behaviour - not to mention basic manners - and has rightly worn the consequences . Matters were not helped when first Kyrgios ' Mum and then his brother attempted to defend his actions , saying Wawrinka had sledged him first ( which is not , frankly , an unbelievable accusation , but doesn 't excuse anything that came afterwards ) and then big bro Christos making an unfortunate comment about Vekic , using a pun on Kokkinakais ' nickname and instagram handle @ the _ kokk1 . Kokkinakis was then harassed later in the tournament by an unrelated aggressive opponent who somehow seemed to think that the " Special Ks " were not actually doubles partners , but the same person . Kyrgios is a 20 year old who has had a meteoric rise up the tennis rankings over the last eighteen months . He is one of the most talented players I can recall seeing in a lifetime of watching tennis . He is also currently trying to navigate the circuit and all its associated media circus and social media pitfalls without a coach or any kind of outside support team who have experience on the circuit . An overprotective family is not quite cutting it . Earlier in the month there was another controversy , this one in stark contrast to the soapie - like qualities of the who - slept - with - whom - in - the - tennis - world drama . This was one centred on one of the elder statesmen of Australian sport , former Australian of the Year , Adam Goodes . I don 't watch AFL and don 't intend to start , so I cannot comment on his on - field behaviour or skill . But off the field , he is ambassador for the Racism . It stops with me . campaign , which basically tells folks that when they see or hear racism , they need to point it out and say it 's not OK . He is currently the face of the " Recognise " campaign , which seeks to add acknowledgement of Indigenous Australians to the Constitution 's preamble . He does charity work to improve the lot of Indigenous kids . His greatest sin , apparently , is that he did an Aboriginal war dance on the field after scoring . In the Indigenous round . You know , the one where a particular fuss is made about Indigenous culture . Cos Lord knows , there 's no precedent for this kind of thing . He also famously once called security to a 13 year old who called him an ape while he was playing . Security removed the teenager . The police interviewed the teenaged . Goodes was asked if he wanted to press charges and he declined . Ever since , there has been a weird undercurrent in social and even some more mainstream media of " he should apologise for what he did to that little girl . " Peter FitzSimons summed this up so beautifully that I don 't think I need to say anything else ; other than , I read the girl 's mother defending her actions with the weirdest argument ever while demanding an apology from Goodes : " She was technically still only 12 . I mean , she 'd only turned 13 a few days earlier . " Technically , I don 't think you know what " technically " means . And usually the person who 's done the wrong thing apologises , not the victim . I mean , even Nick Kyrgios has apologised ( although Wawrinka has claimed it wasn 't done " properly " ) . Anyway , so Adam Goodes was being booed and harassed on the field . In fact , he was harrassed to the point where he said it was impacting his mental health and he had to take a break from the game . Some people say it 's not based on race , because other Indigenous players weren 't being booed ; some say they have a right to boo and were booing because they don 't like Goodes ( my response to this was , " why do we need to boo in sport , anyway ? It 's not done in tennis ! " But then Kyrgios was booed in Cincinnati after the sledging incident , so maybe I 'm really out of step . ) . But when you followed most social media posts , it seemed that sooner or later the commenters came back to , " I don 't like him because of what he did to that little girl " ( ie pointed out that it is not OK to use a racial slur that suggests Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people are sub - human ) . Which is , of course , about race . And regardless of your " reasons , " when is it OK to bully someone to the point where they can 't actually go to work ? In the midst of all this , I unexpectedly received a message from a former student . Kieran is now in his final year of Engineering ; I worked with him at Kip McGrath ( now Nowra Tutoring Solutions ) , when he was studying for his Higher School Certificate . Kieran had been so moved by the Adam Goodes story that he had written a piece about it , and he asked me to have a read and suggest any changes . It was pretty powerful stuff , and didn 't need much input from me . I told him it was too good for a Facebook post and he should try to get it published . If you have any questions for Kieran about the writing , editing or publishing process involved , pop them in the comments below and we 'll be sure to pass them on . As I said at the time , I am one very proud old Teacher - Lady . I love that I have students who keep in touch and still turn to me for writing or other professional advice years later ; I love seeing passion for social justice , and I particularly love when they know that if they combine these two things they 're going to be supported in it . By kmcmahoncoleman There has been much excitement in the world of the authors of this humble blog lately - we were briefly reunited . Dr Roslyn upped and buggered off to the Mother Country a couple of years back , and so all our work has been done online ( as opposed to our previous model , which was largely online , but every now and then I 'd ring her up and announce , " I can 't write ! This isn 't working ! I 'm too distracted ! " and invite myself to her place for a working sleepover , sans kids ) . So when I got an email asking me if I 'd consider submitting an abstract for a conference in Oxford , the answer was a resounding yes . Oxford ! OXFORD ! You know , where Lyra and Pan were ? Where Tolkien and Lewis studied ? Where Alice is set and Harry was shot ? That 's only a couple of hours away from where Roslyn is currently living , in a country I 've always wanted to visit but had never quite made it ? That one ? So , yes , I submitted the abstract . And they accepted it . So off I set for the 13th Inter - Disciplinary Net Monsters and the Monstrous Conference : Monstrous Hungers . But what to present ? Well , with the Wolf Girls getting the band back together , it had to be something wolfy . And since my Day Job is working with students with disabilities ( mainly mental health disorders ) , and Job # 2 is training high school teachers how to deal with and engage adolescents , I opted to go with Martin Millar 's Wolf Girl trilogy : about an anxious , depressed , cutting , homeless addict who also happens to be a teenage werewolf . The itinerary was pretty much skewed to popular , rather than high , culture . We started with a trip to Wimbledon . I am not a believer in " Bucket Lists , " but when I was treated for cancer at the ripe old age of 31 , a family decision was made that some things on the " we can do that in retirement " list needed to be moved to the " do it if the opportunity arises " list , and we set off to visit the Australian Open and the Great Ocean Road once my treatment was completed . After that taste of Grand Slam action , I thought I 'd like to complete my own Slam ( as a spectator ) - Wimbledon , the US in New York ( hey , it 's New York ! - also on the must - see - but - never - been list ) and if you 're going to go to three of them , you might as well go to the fourth , even if it is on clay . Plus , Paris . But up until going to visit someone who actually lived in the suburb of Wimbledon , I was still on Step 1 . We knew that the studio and Sun Hill set was in Wimbledon . We found out the address ( we are researchers , after all ) . And then we kept seeing police cars as we trudged through the drizzle of an out - of - the - way industrial estate . I was ready to give up but Roslyn ( as usual ) had done more research than me , and was therefore more confident of an outcome . And we turned the corner and there it was … Sun Hill station . There was much gasping and carrying on from me , and I was there hyperventilating long enough for a security guard to come and advise us we " couldn 't be on site " but to take as many photos as we needed on the way out . But there was one very big , high culture moment … Richard II at Shakespeare 's Globe . Not gonna lie , there was a teary moment when that idea hit home . This trip had it all : sport and Shakespeare , ABBA and Abbey Road , Wimbledon and Wombles , werewolves and woodentops , sandstone and Shelley . It was the best of pop music , pop culture , literature and drama . Anytime London calls , I reckon I 'll go .
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By kmcmahoncoleman So , we 've established that I 've got a wee bit of a soft spot for Rob Thomas . This is not a new thing - my love affair with the music of Rob Thomas and Matchbox 20 has been going slightly longer than the one with my husband . I 've long joked with people who react with disbelief to learning that I named my only son after him , " well , it 's not like they 're ever going to meet . " The other competition winners were lovely people , and the excitement was palpable . We had to wait in the tiniest corridor you 've ever seen , and Rob was supposed to walk straight past us . Except he didn 't : he stopped and said hi to the lucky few waiting to meet him . We were then led in two - by - two . I went to shake hands , hoping that was allowed . Rob Thomas put out his arms and gestured for a hug . It would have been rude not to respond . Rob Thomas ( the musician ) then extended his hand to my son and said , " Hi . Rob " ( We both resisted the urge to say , " I know . " ) . My son replied in kind , also extending his hand and saying , " Hi . Rob , " and then Rob Thomas the musician looked at me in confusion and Rob Thomas ( aged 14 ) and I both said , " Rob Thomas " in unison . And then Rob Thomas ( musician ) got really excited , and said he 'd only ever met one other Rob Thomas ( the TV guy ) . ( I think he missed the bit about these being the boy - oh 's given names , but the conversation moved into interesting territory pretty quickly , and it probably meant I didn 't seem quite so stalker - ish as I otherwise might have ) . So suddenly we 're on solid ground , because Rob Thomas ( the TV guy ) is something of a pop culture icon . He 's the man behind Veronica Mars , which was discussed at great length at our school reunion ( I 'll watch it soon , Phoopie , I promise ! ) , as well as the reboot of 90210 , which Roslyn and I will be looking at in some detail in our next book , Mental Health on TV : Representation and Reality . And then , Rob Thomas ( the musician ) starts talking zombies . Because Rob Thomas ( TV guy ) is now running iZombie on the CW ( the network that is also home to The Vampire Diaries ) . Now , I admit I was a bit overwhelmed by this whole experience , and maybe that explains how I had missed the point that the State Theatre concert was going to be markedly different from the arena - spectacular - esque Melbourne version at RLA a few days earlier . This turned out to be a pretty good thing . I feel incredibly blessed to have seen both " versions " of # theGreatUnknownAussie16 tour . By kmcmahoncoleman Many years ago , I was a young , beginning teacher with very little discretionary income , yet still I shelled out for a CD called Yourself or Someone Like You by Matchbox 20 . To give you an idea , that album and Live 's Throwing Copper were what my teenage students at Mulwaree High and I bonded over - but ' my ' copy of Throwing Copper began life in my brother 's collection and may or may not have mysteriously travelled to Goulburn with me when I moved out . ( Sorry , Justin ) . I 've loved every album from MB20 and also from their frontman , Rob Thomas . I have the INXS track where he sang lead ; his Christmas single , and his track from the Meet the Robinsons soundtrack , Little Wonders ( more on that later ) . You could say I 'm a bit of a fan . There was a track on Yourself or Someone Like You that always resonated for me : Real World . I love it . I do wish the Real World would stop bothering me . As someone who is an overthinker , it doesn 't happen often . But most of all , I loved the line , " I wonder what it 's like to be the head honcho . " Not because I do - leadership is not something to which I particularly aspire - but because my tiny , erratic , loud Scottish grandfather used the phrase . A lot . He would ring the phone company , or the electricity company , or the local K - Mart , and bark down the phone in his inimitable and almost incomprehensible accent to whatever hapless person answered , " I want to speak to the Head Honcho . " So , in November 2000 when my Grandpa , Tom , was in hospital for the last time , I was staying at his house when a competition came on the TV . Ring up , answer one simple question , and you could win two tickets to see MB20 in Wollongong , they said . The question was , " Name the frontman of Matchbox 20 . " I did . I won . My friend Jody and I went to the concert the night before my Grandpa 's funeral and I said a private , quiet goodbye to him when I heard the head honcho line . At the concert , I was impressed . I have always loved musicians who wrote their own music : Lennon and McCartney , Andersson & Ulvaeus , Billy Joel , the Finn brothers . ( Don 't bother hating on my musical taste ; I 'm way too old to care ) . These guys also write their own stuff . Thomas played : guitar , piano , even drums . Part of the set was acoustic , and I was awed . At one point I saw Adam Gaynor ( who has since left the band ) beckon a security guard , indicating that he wanted to give his plectrum to someone in the audience . I rolled my eyes , expecting it to be some buxom blonde . It wasn 't . It was a kid , about ten years old , there with his Mum and floating on air when he received it . I was impressed . These guys , it seemed , were class acts . Jody and I were both pregnant with our second babies at the time . I came home from the concert and my husband asked how it was . Two things , I said . From now on , I want to go see these guys whenever they tour . Also , Rob Thomas is a nice name . Now in my defence , Robert and Thomas were both family names that were already on the short list ( along with one other ) . It just wasn 't a combination we 'd put together before . But I had a moment during that concert when I thought , I wouldn 't mind if my son turned out like one of these guys . And so I have an almost - 15 year old whose given names are Robert Thomas , in that order . And last week , Live Nation contacted me to say I 'd won two tickets and a meet and greet in Sydney with Rob Thomas in Sydney next week , because I shared the story of my boy 's name and said I 'd like to introduce him to his namesake . I have been quietly freaking out ever since . Via email , Roslyn reassured me that my worst fears were unlikely to come true : Rob Thomas probably won 't think I 'm an unintelligible idiot who can 't string a sentence together ; and if he thinks I 'm nuts for naming my kid after a pop / rock singer , there 's nothing I can do about it now . But , as I confided to my daughter , my greatest fear really is : what if he turns out to be a jerk , and I 've named my kid after him ? The love affair with MB2o and RT is ongoing , and has seen me through some tough times . When my Rob was 3 and my daughter was 5 , I was diagnosed with choriocarcinoma ; a cancer that is rare , aggressive , and thankfully , treatable . I had a clunky blue Discman and my MB20 albums to get me through long lonely nights in the oncology ward , away from my husband and kids . The song 3AM came to have particular significance . So did others . Years later , I was being interviewed on - air at Relay for Life about my cancer experience and Ricardo Bardon , a wonderfully supportive local DJ who was there with our sponsors Power FM , asked me how I got through it . " Well , " I said , " I discovered just how dark my sense of humour is . And I listened to a lot of Matchbox 20 . " He raised his eyebrows , so I elaborated , citing lyrics : " I 've got a disease / down deep inside me . " He laughed . I continued , " I 'm not crazy / I 'm just a little unwell . " I 've been in complete remission for more than a decade , but having had a serious illness changes your views on mortality a bit , to the point where I 'm no longer scared of it , and I tell the kids what I expect at my funeral . Well , I am the planning queen of the household , I won 't be able to do it , and I want it done right . This makes them a bit uncomfortable , but their father has the memory span of a goldfish ( in fact , most days he can 't remember the names of his own goldfish ) , so there 's not much point telling him . So I 've told the kids that they are to play " Little Wonders " at my funeral , or I will haunt them . This makes them roll their eyes , complain , and also look at me in sort of amused horror when the song plays on my iPod in the car . Several years back , I wrote my PhD thesis about Indigenous writers and writing , looking specifically at how colonisation and forcing people off country caused social problems , and influenced Indigenous writing . I 've tried to walk the walk , too ; teaching academic literacies to students in the Aboriginal Education and Training Unit in Nowra ( a site opposite the Bomaderry Homes ) , working with the fabulous staff and students at Woolyungah Indigenous Centre whenever I get the chance , teaching into the Djinggi Project , being a " yellafella " volunteer at the National Reconciliation Conference in Wollongong way back in 1999 . We 've blogged about racism in Australian sport , and the power of inappropriate comments . Last month , I was in a class at UNSW when a friend who is an immigrant from Britain said that she couldn 't really understand the link to country , but that she respected it . The lecturer pointed out that many Australians don 't really understand the symbiotic link to country , either , and commented on the current government " plan " to shut down some remote communities . Hang on , I argued , even if we don 't get it , surely we know that this doesn 't work , because they tried this in Cherbourg in Queensland , and Bomaderry in New South Wales , and Moore Rover in Western Australian , and a whole bunch of other places , and it didn 't work then , either . The lecturer looked at me and said , " yes , but most Australians aren 't as well educated as you . " Back to Rob Thomas . So , for my birthday , my firstborn decided I needed concert tickets . She enlisted her father 's help , because the ticket price was a bit beyond her , and then I further complicated things by insisting on going to Melbourne because none of the NSW concerts were indoors , and we once booked the whole family tickets to Day on the Green at Moss Vale on Valentine 's day ( Rob Thomas ' birthday ! ) and it poured , and my husband said we couldn 't take the kids out in that , and I wept all the way back to Nowra . I 'm sure I 'll get over it one day , but I 'm still at the point where I 'd rather pay for airfares and accommodation than have that happen ever again . So we were at Rod Laver Arena for the first show of the Australian tour . We were there for that comment . Basically , the story in a nutshell goes : there were technical difficulties . Rob Thomas turned and asked his band if it was all of them , and one of the backing singers clearly said , yes . He then tried to fill for a bit , saying he 'd tell a story . He decided to share his cure for jet lag . First , he said , I start drinking as soon as I get on the plane , and I drink until I think I 'm Australian . We all laughed . Then , he said , I drink until I think I 'm a black Australian . There was a collective gasp . I turned to my daughter in disbelief . This is a guy who sings , " My sisters and my brothers / of every different colour ; " a guy who had a clearly multicultural band , whose wife and in - laws are Latina , and someone who advocates for all kinds of human , as well as animal rights ( in the picture above , my daughter is wearing an anti - animal cruelty Sidewalk Angels shirt ) . It seemed out of character . Then he said to someone up the front , " don 't be racist . " He went on to say that after that , he drinks until he thinks he 's a little girl , and then his wife gets worried about him . OK , I thought . Seems sincere . I still don 't get why it would be OK anywhere , or why he thinks it 's only at this point in time , but it seems genuine , and it seems like it 's him ( not some PR person ) . That 's good . Then people started messaging me : Oh dear . Hope this didn 't ruin your night . And so on . And they were sending links to the media reports of it . Read the man 's apology . He 's not saying , " I wish that I didn 't have to be politically correct . " He 's saying , " I 'm sorry that I wasn 't politically correct . " Being politically correct is not a bad thing ; it 's the same as the great Aussie practice of " giving a stuff . " He was upset that he had caused offence , not complaining about those who took it . Well , no . I 'm not sure we did . Once I read the context in the second apology , I was closer to " getting " it , though . It is very tempting , when you are a " fan , " to excuse even the inexcusable . You only have to consider the etymology of the word to see why this happens : only a fanatic will think that their idol is right , all the time . I am not apologising for or excusing the comment . It was the wrong thing to say . Rob Thomas has acknowledged that . He 's apologised . He 's said what he 's going to do - educate himself - in order to rectify that . So : the guy is not , as it turns out , a jerk ( one arguably inadvertent jerky comment notwithstanding ) . If my son grows up to be someone who admits his mistakes , explains them without making excuses for them , apologises , and attempts to make amends , I 'll be a very proud mother . Rob Thomas is still a nice name , and I will still be pretty happy if my son grows up to be a little bit like him … because I want both my kids to take responsibility for their actions , and their mistakes . About two years ago , we rescued two hens and dubbed them Idris and Clara . I say rescued , because although they were advertised for sale on a local pets / produce swap / sell page , when we got there , they were in the world 's tiniest yard in our area 's worst suburb . When we paid the man , he tried to get them out of their cramped , dark pen , and Idris , in particular , made a very energetic run for it . The man 's naked toddler was chasing after her shouting , and the man was shouting and swearing , so I kind of didn 't blame her . But Idris quickly became known as " the big white one " because she was big , white and it seemed mean to add the descriptors " nasty " and " anti - social . " In hindsight , perhaps Davros or Missy would have suited her better . Both birds came to us with scaly mite , so we spent some time treating them and getting them to be nice , healthy girls . They assimilated with their coopmates with minimal fuss , and Clara would ( almost ) always come when called . Idris never would . A week or two ago , I noticed that Clara was looking floppy . Her comb had flopped , her tail was drooping , and she 'd clearly lost condition . We treated all the girls for mites and worms , and while her two buddies immediately bucked up , she continued to look … well , floppy . I went to shoo her into her coop one evening and she landed on her tummy and sat there , looking shocked . She 'd forgotten to put her feet out . So when I had a day working - from - home , I figured I 'd better give her some quality time while I still could . I coddled her with a warm towel , cuddles , and hand feeding her creamed corn . She loved it , and was even quite enthusiastic about the food . But it was obvious that she was struggling . I wasn 't home on Wednesday night , so I rang the kids and asked had they checked that the coop was locked . My daughter told me that " Clara was sleeping down the bottom . " She couldn 't even made her way up into the safety of the nesting boxes . And that 's where I found her on Thursday morning . She looked like she was napping , and as I approached , I was hoping against hope for a different outcome . But no . The inevitable had happened , and even though I was expecting it , it was still hard to accept . Following Kaja 's post breaking the news about Beau and Edythe ( don 't you just love them already ? ) I thought I 'd post Stephenie Meyer Explains Gender Flipped Twilight from Publisher 's Weekly . Love to hear your views on this . Does Meyer still have her finger on the pulse of middle America or has she flipped along with the gender ? Do tell . In good old ' Straya , sport is so much a part of our culture that politicians and journalists use these kinds of metaphors , university subjects tackle Sport & Popular Culture together , and the coalescence of sport and popular culture in the Australian imagination are discussed in both the mainstream press and in academia . So if we 're going to look at shifting the shape of popular culture , sooner or later , we were going to have to deal with sport on some level . And sure , I was expecting it to be a kids ' book about a soccer - playing werewolf or something , but since I haven 't come across one yet and this is such a big thing in our nation right now ( and only likely to get more airtime with the US Open coming up ) , it seems like it 's time to look at what 's going on . This past month the media debate about what it 's OK to say and what it 's not OK to say , on and off a sporting field , has been omnipresent . And it 's ongoing . Recently , rising Aussie tennis star Nick Kyrgios " sledged " his opponent Stan Wawrinka by " letting him know " that his rumoured girlfriend Donna Vekic had at some time in the past allegedly made a presumably informed , adult choice to have sex with someone else whom Kyrgios knew - his teammate and friend , fellow Aussie rising star Thanasi Kokkinakis . All four people involved in this saga are current tennis players on the circuit . Realistically , probably none of them wanted this news broadcast by the omnipresent microphones and cameras courtside . But Kyrgios is the only one who had agency in this story breaking . He really stepped outside the bounds of professional behaviour - not to mention basic manners - and has rightly worn the consequences . Matters were not helped when first Kyrgios ' Mum and then his brother attempted to defend his actions , saying Wawrinka had sledged him first ( which is not , frankly , an unbelievable accusation , but doesn 't excuse anything that came afterwards ) and then big bro Christos making an unfortunate comment about Vekic , using a pun on Kokkinakais ' nickname and instagram handle @ the _ kokk1 . Kokkinakis was then harassed later in the tournament by an unrelated aggressive opponent who somehow seemed to think that the " Special Ks " were not actually doubles partners , but the same person . Kyrgios is a 20 year old who has had a meteoric rise up the tennis rankings over the last eighteen months . He is one of the most talented players I can recall seeing in a lifetime of watching tennis . He is also currently trying to navigate the circuit and all its associated media circus and social media pitfalls without a coach or any kind of outside support team who have experience on the circuit . An overprotective family is not quite cutting it . Earlier in the month there was another controversy , this one in stark contrast to the soapie - like qualities of the who - slept - with - whom - in - the - tennis - world drama . This was one centred on one of the elder statesmen of Australian sport , former Australian of the Year , Adam Goodes . I don 't watch AFL and don 't intend to start , so I cannot comment on his on - field behaviour or skill . But off the field , he is ambassador for the Racism . It stops with me . campaign , which basically tells folks that when they see or hear racism , they need to point it out and say it 's not OK . He is currently the face of the " Recognise " campaign , which seeks to add acknowledgement of Indigenous Australians to the Constitution 's preamble . He does charity work to improve the lot of Indigenous kids . His greatest sin , apparently , is that he did an Aboriginal war dance on the field after scoring . In the Indigenous round . You know , the one where a particular fuss is made about Indigenous culture . Cos Lord knows , there 's no precedent for this kind of thing . He also famously once called security to a 13 year old who called him an ape while he was playing . Security removed the teenager . The police interviewed the teenaged . Goodes was asked if he wanted to press charges and he declined . Ever since , there has been a weird undercurrent in social and even some more mainstream media of " he should apologise for what he did to that little girl . " Peter FitzSimons summed this up so beautifully that I don 't think I need to say anything else ; other than , I read the girl 's mother defending her actions with the weirdest argument ever while demanding an apology from Goodes : " She was technically still only 12 . I mean , she 'd only turned 13 a few days earlier . " Technically , I don 't think you know what " technically " means . And usually the person who 's done the wrong thing apologises , not the victim . I mean , even Nick Kyrgios has apologised ( although Wawrinka has claimed it wasn 't done " properly " ) . Anyway , so Adam Goodes was being booed and harassed on the field . In fact , he was harrassed to the point where he said it was impacting his mental health and he had to take a break from the game . Some people say it 's not based on race , because other Indigenous players weren 't being booed ; some say they have a right to boo and were booing because they don 't like Goodes ( my response to this was , " why do we need to boo in sport , anyway ? It 's not done in tennis ! " But then Kyrgios was booed in Cincinnati after the sledging incident , so maybe I 'm really out of step . ) . But when you followed most social media posts , it seemed that sooner or later the commenters came back to , " I don 't like him because of what he did to that little girl " ( ie pointed out that it is not OK to use a racial slur that suggests Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people are sub - human ) . Which is , of course , about race . And regardless of your " reasons , " when is it OK to bully someone to the point where they can 't actually go to work ? In the midst of all this , I unexpectedly received a message from a former student . Kieran is now in his final year of Engineering ; I worked with him at Kip McGrath ( now Nowra Tutoring Solutions ) , when he was studying for his Higher School Certificate . Kieran had been so moved by the Adam Goodes story that he had written a piece about it , and he asked me to have a read and suggest any changes . It was pretty powerful stuff , and didn 't need much input from me . I told him it was too good for a Facebook post and he should try to get it published . If you have any questions for Kieran about the writing , editing or publishing process involved , pop them in the comments below and we 'll be sure to pass them on . As I said at the time , I am one very proud old Teacher - Lady . I love that I have students who keep in touch and still turn to me for writing or other professional advice years later ; I love seeing passion for social justice , and I particularly love when they know that if they combine these two things they 're going to be supported in it . By kmcmahoncoleman There has been much excitement in the world of the authors of this humble blog lately - we were briefly reunited . Dr Roslyn upped and buggered off to the Mother Country a couple of years back , and so all our work has been done online ( as opposed to our previous model , which was largely online , but every now and then I 'd ring her up and announce , " I can 't write ! This isn 't working ! I 'm too distracted ! " and invite myself to her place for a working sleepover , sans kids ) . So when I got an email asking me if I 'd consider submitting an abstract for a conference in Oxford , the answer was a resounding yes . Oxford ! OXFORD ! You know , where Lyra and Pan were ? Where Tolkien and Lewis studied ? Where Alice is set and Harry was shot ? That 's only a couple of hours away from where Roslyn is currently living , in a country I 've always wanted to visit but had never quite made it ? That one ? So , yes , I submitted the abstract . And they accepted it . So off I set for the 13th Inter - Disciplinary Net Monsters and the Monstrous Conference : Monstrous Hungers . But what to present ? Well , with the Wolf Girls getting the band back together , it had to be something wolfy . And since my Day Job is working with students with disabilities ( mainly mental health disorders ) , and Job # 2 is training high school teachers how to deal with and engage adolescents , I opted to go with Martin Millar 's Wolf Girl trilogy : about an anxious , depressed , cutting , homeless addict who also happens to be a teenage werewolf . The itinerary was pretty much skewed to popular , rather than high , culture . We started with a trip to Wimbledon . I am not a believer in " Bucket Lists , " but when I was treated for cancer at the ripe old age of 31 , a family decision was made that some things on the " we can do that in retirement " list needed to be moved to the " do it if the opportunity arises " list , and we set off to visit the Australian Open and the Great Ocean Road once my treatment was completed . After that taste of Grand Slam action , I thought I 'd like to complete my own Slam ( as a spectator ) - Wimbledon , the US in New York ( hey , it 's New York ! - also on the must - see - but - never - been list ) and if you 're going to go to three of them , you might as well go to the fourth , even if it is on clay . Plus , Paris . But up until going to visit someone who actually lived in the suburb of Wimbledon , I was still on Step 1 . We knew that the studio and Sun Hill set was in Wimbledon . We found out the address ( we are researchers , after all ) . And then we kept seeing police cars as we trudged through the drizzle of an out - of - the - way industrial estate . I was ready to give up but Roslyn ( as usual ) had done more research than me , and was therefore more confident of an outcome . And we turned the corner and there it was … Sun Hill station . There was much gasping and carrying on from me , and I was there hyperventilating long enough for a security guard to come and advise us we " couldn 't be on site " but to take as many photos as we needed on the way out . But there was one very big , high culture moment … Richard II at Shakespeare 's Globe . Not gonna lie , there was a teary moment when that idea hit home . This trip had it all : sport and Shakespeare , ABBA and Abbey Road , Wimbledon and Wombles , werewolves and woodentops , sandstone and Shelley . It was the best of pop music , pop culture , literature and drama . Anytime London calls , I reckon I 'll go .
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Katama 's crimson eyes would flutter then open slowly , though she does not make any sound . She takes in her surroundings , eyes landing on Yuuto in a chair nearby . She shifted slightly , releasing some pressure on her hip and turns her head so she can watch the younger man sleep . She had one bouquet of a headache but she could not help feeling a warm kind of relief that Yuuto could look so peaceful at times . Again she feels the conviction to protect him well up inside her chest , though she had failed at doing such this night . No , tonight she had been nothing better than bait dragging him down into an abyss . Images of the things she 'd seen flash before her as memories and she shivered as she once again saw her brother . The man she struggled everyday to leave behind her … and everyday she seemed to fail . But she swore to herself she would get stronger so she could protect Yuuto even if it meant pulling him away from the edge or allowing him some sort of punching bag when he was frustrated . She had felt protective before but after his actions this night … she felt even moreso . She sees a glass of water on the stand beside her and she reaches out with a half numb hand trying to pick it up and almost knocking it over instead , the glass making a light clinking sound as she finds her hands aren 't working properly . With the clinking sound , Yuuto would stir and look up at Katama . " Take it easy . That stuff really takes it out of you , " he says before standing up and going into a nearby pack to grab a canteen and a straw . He picks the glass back un then unscrews the cap on the canteen to fill it up , recapping the canteen and then placing the straw in the glass . " It should be wearing off soon enough , I think , " he says as he holds the glass out for her . " Be glad you didn 't end up under it for a prolonged time . It turns from just hallucinating to your own personal Hell inside your mind . " Katama winces as she wakes Yuuto up . " Sorry I did not mean to disturb you . . " When he suddenly starts fussing over her , making it easier for her to get a drink by adding the straw and handing it to her , she blushes faintly . " Thank you … " The water was heavenly to her parched throat and she draws on it greedily for a few moments before taking a deep breath as her friend speaks . She nods and looks at her lap before looking back up at him . " I can see it progress into that if I 'd gotten a higher dose . It came close . " Setting the water down carefully she pushes herself into a sitting position more readily and regards Yuuto with concern . " Are you alright ? " " It 's alright . I wasn 't that tired , " Yuuto says as he holds the glass for her . " You 're welcome . " Once she takes the glass , he would grab another to pour himself a drink from the canteen . He stands back up before pouring it , looking down at her with a smirk . " I 'm fine . No urges to rip someone to shreds in the last few hours , " he says in an almost joking tone as he brings the glass up to his lips to take a sip , setting the canteen down on the table . Katama looks hesitant as Yuuto jokes about what had happened then chuckles herself softly . " Well I 'm glad you haven 't gone on a murderous rampage . Most of those people were just there to get drunk . I assume the party was over quickly after you took out those two . " Obviously , she was unaware that she 'd been drugged and nearly kidknapped by 6 men . It was a testament to just how far under the drug she 'd been at the time . No more drinking parties unless she knew more people there , she decided suddenly , sipping the water again as Yuuto pours himself a glass . The girl 's color had returned to normal and she 'd stopped trembling as she sat there quietly , her mind lingering ont he visions she 'd seen . At first when they had been shadows and sinister apapritions she 'd thought it must have been similar to what Yuuto saw every day of his life . . But then the drug had dug deeper into her psyche , presenting her with the one image that could shake her entire being … . She shudders and looks to the side , embarassed to have openly shown fear as she had . And then … Her head snapped up . " Where 's Tenjin - san ? ! The woman with me . She was dosed as well . What happened to her ? I … I remember she was in the room wiht me . . And she crawled out … . " Of course she 's speaking of Minori . " Two ? " Yuuto asks , quirking an eyebrow at her . " There were six of Scarecrow 's men after you . I killed four of them . Two got away . Their plan was to drug you and take you away to find out your weaknesses and use them and you against me . " He moves to sit back down in his chair , taking a few more sips of his water . There is still something of a dark look in his eyes , but he is at least relaxed at this point . " Her ? She 's fine . She 'll probably have a hangover , but her clan has a knack for dealing with poisons . " Katama / blinks / as the true number of assailants is revealed and she shakes her head , rubbing her temples . Furthermore they had planned to take her and find her ' weakness ' ? Use her against Yuuto ? That shouldn 't be possible … . He 'd have to give a ring … She looks at him warily for a moment as though trying to figure him out . The fact that Minori should be fine only allows her more thinking room to contemplate the import of what Yuuto was telling her . " But no one could have seen what I did so how would they know ? " As Katama looks at him , Yuuto would quirk an eyebrow . Things may just be slightly awkward since he had to pick her up and carry her away like that , but he still wonders why she 's looking at him that way . " Well , they probably hoped to record your actions and use context clues to figure it out . They 're a science - based organization . To them we 're rats in a maze , simply experimental tools they want to use further themselves and gain power … . I wonder if he hoped to awaken something else by trying to take you , figuring he 'd make me relive a vision of the night I was taken . " Katama and Yuuto regard eachother with curiosity and a hint of suspicion as each tries to figure out the other 's motives . But his explaination was a valid one . It would not be hard for someone with a brain to extrapolate what she 'd been hallucinating about if she hadn 't been told firmly by Yuuto that it was all imaginary . " You telling me it wasn 't real was the only thing that let me keep silent . " Granted she 'd bitten her lip bloody , but she hadn 't spoken aloud about any of her visions or what appartition had been tormenting her . So they would have had to work a bit harder to find the one thing that could be used against her . The one thing from her past anyway . She looked back at Yuuto and flushes again . Shespeaks softly , but neutrally , testing the waters with her next question tentatively . " Your demon seems protective . Do you think another attempt would be made ? " " I 'm glad I was able to help , " Yuuto says with a nod before taking another few sips of his water . The flush from her causes a slightly tilt of his head , as he 's not quite sure what to think of it , whether it 's embarrassment over something or something else . " Knowing him , " he starts to answer her question , pausing a moment in thought . This is only the beginning . His strikes will get stronger … and more precise . He is very patient , like a surgeon working on your brain without ever having to physically touch it to get the effect he wants out of you one bit at a time . " Katama loses the flush and the youthful curiosity in her expression as Yuuto tells her what wil lmost likely happen again and again until Scarecrow is happy . She seems to digest this thought carefully , her usual stoic nature comming back to aid her in thinking this through logically , strategicly . If he wants to force Yuuto further into becomming a demon , the best way that Katama could think of is to locate a vulnerability , anything strong enough to elicit a response from the boy , and exploit it over and over . And she knew one thing that had been revealed this night . " So now because you had to protect me I 'll be seen as one of your weaknesses . " She does not seem to be upset about this , rather that annoying flush returns to her cheeks . " You told me once that you saw your mother and the girl you fancied killed before you … . Perhaps he thinks such a bond exists between us . Perhaps that is why he came at me , to test if such a thing existed … " She 's thinking aloud . But of course he had had a pretty extreme reaction to katama being drugged with a non - lethal drug and Scarecrow would have had to have known that the men he 'd sent weren 't nearly up to par for putting up a real fight against Yuuto . Katama waits expectantly but quietly for Yuuto 's response . " I suppose that may be a conclusion they 'll come up with , " Yuuto says , taking a sip to finish off his water before setting the glass back on the table . He seems to think hard over her words for a few moments , perhaps considering how he should respond more than anything . " Well , considering you call me ' Shishou ' and our age not being that far apart , one could only assume what he 's testing for is the more … intimate of the possible relationships . " With a low snicker , he says , " An unusual way for a man to find out if his son has a girlfriend . " Katama nods as Yuuto speaks and when he suggests that the conclusion might indeed be reached that they had a more intimate relationship she can 't help a small chuckle . A grin crosses her face as he jokes about it being an odd way for a father find out if his son has a girlfriend . She sets her own water down and jokes back lightly . " Well , not to be forward , a Nambu Princess must never be forward . But you would be worthy of my attention . " Was she flirting or joking ? She gave him no clues as to that answer . Seriousness returns to her tone and expression . " I call you Shishou because i was taught to call my teachers that . If it makes you uncomfortable I can try to stop . I certainly respect your skill in battle . " Even moreso after he took out 4 of 6 attackers just to protect her . " But we are friends first and foremost . And this friend owes you a debt for your aid . " She smiles once before she looks at the hole in the wall she 'd created trying to take out a ' demon ' the night before . " Is it important what I saw last night ? Should it be discovered , could it be used against you ? " She doesn 't know how to ask if he needs to know the information for strategic reasons . Worthy of her attention ? Yuuto thinks that over a bit , smirking slightly , though she begins speaking again before he responds . " You may call me whatever you like . Shishou is fine if you prefer it , " he says with shrug of his shoulders . He seems about to say something else , but she begins talking again , and he seems plenty obliged to stall to go to the other conversation with her . " Potentially , yes , but I don 't think they got any information out of it since I put you underground before they could walk away . As far as they know , all you 're scared of is midgets peeping at you from the woods . " Katama nods and keeps quiet allowing the conversation to fade for a bit . Then , she slips her feet over the side of the cot , determined to test her legs . She stands up carefully and remains there for several seconds before she starts showing strain and is forced to sit down again . " Not quite there yet . Can I have my satchel please ? " She looks at the bag half way across the room by her armor . As Yuuto responds to the request she would speak seriously again . " I know you told me one of the things that act as a trigger for you . " Like the night he watched his mother and that girl die . " So if you need to know mine I trust you with it . " Yuuto is silent for a bit as well , thinking things over while she stands and tests her legs out a bit . When she asks for her satchel , he gives a nod before standing to walk over and retrieve it . He walks back to hand it to her , holding it out to either drop it in her hands or her lap if she 's not able to hold it yet . " If you are ready to share it , you may . There is no pressure , however . " Katama takes the satchel and digs around in it drawing out a small box and a silk bag . She roots around int he bag for several seconds , digging like a girl through her purse before she pulls out two vials . Uncapping one she downs it in a single gulp . In explaination she says , " It 's just a simple energy booster , do you want one ? " Offering him the second vial . Then she opens the box , pushing a few things aside and pulling out a photograph of a man probably 20 years her senior dressed in formal attire . " That is my Lord Brother , current head of my clan . The day I was born I was chosen to become a Kuroyari and as I am half demon I was not trained as a child would be traned . Much more was expected of me . He made certain I would never break under torture . " And that 's where she stops , let Yuuto ask questions if he liked , and infer what he wanted . " He is what I saw . " Yuuto watches silently as Katama digs through her bag , simply waiting . At the offer of the vial , he would take it to peer at it curiously . " Energy booster , huh ? " he asks rhetorically as he examines it , a slight smirk coming to his lips , perhaps an amusing thought he keeps it himself , before he looks down at her again . His eyes study over the presented picture for a few moments as she speaks before looking up to meet her eyes again . " You lost him then , or was it a vision of harsh training ? " Katama eyes him as he keeps a thought to himself . Then she has one of her own . . She was offering him an ambiguous liquid right after she herself had been drugged by a seemingly innocent liquid . Either way she feels it starting to work on her and wakes her up more so she 's prepared to answer when Yuuto looks at the picture of her brother and asks if it was her losing him or harsh training . Her eyes grow darker and she looks at the photo . " His idea of training was not fit for a child , demon or not . He reminded me everyday of my sins . " If looks could cause harm the picture would be ashes by now . Yuuto drops his hand to his side , keeping the vial in it for now as he looks at the picture again . " Ah , so he is the target of your vengeance then ? " he asks as he looks back up to her eyes . " If that is the case , perhaps you and I should vanquish the cause of your dread some day so that it can no longer be used against you . " With that , he would pick up the canteen to fill his glass again , asking , " Would you like another glass of water ? " Katama takes a breath and brings herself under control again . She could taste the anger in her throat . " Yes he is my vengeance , but it will be a vengeance I cannot execute . He was the one who I made my Blood Oath with . " She sighed . " I killed my mother and brother the day I was born . " She looks at her hands , hesitantly and then seemed to prepare herself as though she was concerned that Yuuto might judge her right there for that fact . " Ah , so you wouldn 't be able to take him on personally due to your creed , " Yuuto says , watching curiously as Katama gets a bit riled up then calms back down . At what she says about her mother and brother , he lifts an eyebrow slightly and blinks a few times . " Ah , so those are the sins he reminded you of … Well , a casualty or two around a demon is somewhat expected . It 's not like people don 't die around me as well . " As Yuuto comes to understand her dilemma , that she wants her brother dead but tht she can 't kill him and retain her honor , she relaxes a little and when he shrugs off her ' sins ' she sighs in relief . Replacing everything in her bag she tries to stand again and this time she is more steady . She walks carefully across the room and back . " Well I can walk at least . " She sits down again . " The legend says that the demon child is one of a pair of twins who devours not only the soul an dlife force of it 's sibling but also that of it 's mother . Both my twin and my mother died the day I was born . So I was marked for my Lord Brother to trade to the Kuriyari for some political gain or other . Once chosen as the Kuroyari I was trained mercilessly . I could wield a sword by my 5th birthday . Then I was sold to Sunagakure and I was forced to make my oath . Perhaps one day I will find a way to get revenge on my brother without breaking that oath . " Yuuto is silent as Katama does her pace across the room , glad the effects of the drugs are wearing off . He listens to her story , taking a seat again as well as he lifts his glass to take a few sips of it . " I see , " he says , mulling it over in his head then smirking slightly as he says , " Maybe your Shishou should pay your dear Brother a visit some time and get you your revenge . " Katama freezes as he offers to take her revenge for her . " Why would you do soemthing like that ? " She sounds utterly confused , as though this was the last thing she could comprehend . Revenge by Proxy … . Well , if that wasnt a new concept . Still she did have to wonder why he would go so far for her when she was the one learning from him . he seemed to be doing all the giving in this relationship . She wondered what the price would be she would have to pay , it was written all over her face . Yuuto looks a bit confused at that question , fully quirking his eyebrow at her this time . " Why would I not ? " he asks . " You are helping me with my vengeance , and I … uh … " For once , he 's the one to cut himself off , though he doesn 't blush . I want to help you too . " With that , he goes silent again , sitting back in his chair a bit and glancing around . Katama watches in sheer suprise as Yuuto cuts himself off before he says something he might regret . She notes the way he acts , though he doesn 't blush - that would floor her entirely … . But she tucks the thought away quietly to examine later at her leisure . For now she gifts Yuuto with a small smile and a bow . " Thank you then for your assistance , my friend . " She had meant what she 'd said earlier about him being worthy of her attention , though as she thinks back on it … she sounded pretty haughty saying that . " You 're welcome , " Yuuto replies , a faint smile tugging at his lips as he returns her bow . That said , he sits down and picks up his own pack , retrieving a brush and a scroll from it , opening the scroll as he would start to draw everything in front of him , including her . " You wanted me to see what was outside the darkness last night , did you not ? " he asks as he pens down what his eyes currently see , taking it all in glance by glance . " These eyes are a funny thing . I can still see the darkness and all the creatures of my unending nightmares as clearly as I ever have … yet I can also see what lies beyond them , byeond all the hate and bloodthirst . " Katama tilts her head as she watches Yuuto pull out a scroll and his ink . The moment she realizes that he 's even drawing her she keeps still , watching him work . Artists had always fascinated her . How they saw the world was always different , though Yuuto was quite unique in her experience . It was an interest that had driven her brother to distraction as it would not help her in the shinobi world ( or so he 'd thought ) But as soon as she was free of his control she 'd gathered quite a collection of art books and hidden them in her apartment . So now she keeps still fdor Yuuto 's drawing and blinks as it becomes apparent that he 'd known that she was trying to keep him from seeing or being in just darkness … . . " It may sound a little odd coming from me , " Yuuto says as he continues to draw , eyes glancing between her and the paper . He seems very focused on detail at this moment , enough that one might wonder exactly how he 's drawing her . " But I do appreciate the concern , and I will return the favor if the time comes . " After a few more minutes of drawing , he would survey the picture for a moment before turning it around . What she would see is a very detailed picture of her , this time lacking the demonic presence he normally draws around her to show more of her natural graces . " Because we can 't let the darkness just completely envelop us , right ? " Katama shakes her head as he suggests it would be odd comming from him . " Just because you 've experienced the darkness doesn 't mean you have … " She 's stopped mid sentence as he shows her the picture of herself and there it is , a full on blush . " You took a lot of artistic liscence there , Shishou . " She laughs a little , embarassed by the gracious way he 'd portrayed her sitting ont he cot . To cover that up she quickly moves to her armor and starts putting it on piece by heavy piece . But once she 's down to just tying the gauntlets closed she sighs softly . " I 'll pull you back whenever you need it , Yuuto . " Yes , she used his NAME . And informally . Een if she had to be a big sister to the kid , she would protect him as best she could . She 'd resolved that long ago . " I wouldn 't be considered much of an artist if I didn 't do so , " Yuuto says with a light smirk as he turns the paper back around and sets it on a clear spot on the table to allow it to dry . " Besides , I 've pretty much done that in every drawing I 've made of you . " He blinks a few times as she actually starts putting her armor on because of it , shaking his head . " You strip down to that the whole time you 're hanging out with those two at the lake while I complete our mission , but you freak just because of something of you I capture in a picture ? " he asks , seeming to find that rather ironic and amusing in a way . Katama scowls at him when he points out that she 's reacting defensively to a picture drawn of her when she had stripped off her heavy armor when surrounded by many possible enemies . " Perhaps I 'm just suicidal . " She shrugs it off with that , her cheeks blushing as she feels the embarassment well up again . " So glad I amuse you . " But she was also not the kind to be a poor sport . He 'd managed to land a ' hit ' on her twice now . " Perhaps I will sit for you in full armor someday , or a kimono . You can send it to my Lord Brother . " There 's a kind of acid behind her tone when she says that last bit . Yuuto quirks an eyebrow slightly at Katama 's bit of show of anger , though he smirks a bit as he says , " Sure . That way he 'll know who 's my reason for ripping him apart . " With that , he rolls the scroll back up , tucking it away before looking back up at her . " Besides , I thought you liked the fact that I 'm intrigued with you . Did you think that only meant I was only interested in the piece of you I put in that picture of you I drew in the market ? " Katama grabs her bag as Yuuto rolls the scroll back up and asks her what she thought he was interested in … . " Yes . Actually . " She blinks at her own response , curious as she had just realized that yes she figured thierr only connection was the possible sharing of demon blood . She opens the door of the shack and steps outside into the forest , into the morning sunlight and she sighs . " Where 's the nearest water source , we should fill our canteens … . " She was quite obviously interested in puting the strange conversation behind her . + After the debacles Minori had faced over the last few days , she was tired , her nice clothes were dirty , she was dirty , she was hungry , thirsty , and her entire body ached like she had been bludgeoned for hours . Her movements were slow , more of a trudging than walking , and as she comes into viewing distance of the old shack , Minori feels a sense of relief . Perhaps she could find some food or at least a place to rest peacefully for a few hours . That was , at least , until Katama exited the building . At first , Minori didn 't recognize her , but it meant that there were other people around and that did not bode well for a good night 's sleep … which she desperately needed . " Ah , " Yuuto says , blinking a few times then shrugging his shoulders and gathering his things up to put them on his back . Finally , he grabs his helmet and clasps in back on , going back to his disguise that doesn 't allow his eyes to be seen . " It 's not too far from here . Just follow me , " he says as he steps out of the shack as well , dropping the conversation happily as he resumes his usual cold , mysterious demeanor . As he glances around , he spots Minori coming their way , quirking an eyebrow as he ponders if they should actually stop to check on her or just keep moving . He 's really ready to just get back to the village . Katama looks up at Minori comes intot he clearing and blinks . / What 's she doing here ? / she wonders to herself before turning her head and calling to Yuuto tha they had company . And that company looked like she might just pass out right there … And as Yuuto comes out with his physical and proverbial masks both firmly in place , she makes up the descision for him . She drug her mind for the name . . " Tenjin - san ! " Moving quickly - especially now that she was fully armored again - Katama goes to Minori 's side , concerned . She knew that the other girl had gotten a dose of the drug as well . " Are you alright ? " + Minori is thoroughly surprised by Katama 's reaction to her pressence , but then it dawns on her … the girl did sort of make some moves on her at that party . The Tenjin smiles in return . " Oh , " Nambu - san , it 's nice to see you again . " She chuckles a bit . " Been better , but I 'm good now . Just tired . " As Katama takes off to the approaching girl , Yuuto would roll his eyes a bit under his mask . Looks like they 're going to be here a while . He folds his arms over his chest and moves to lean up against the shack . Whatever concern he may have had for Katama , he 's apparently not one to spread his concern much toward those who aren 't close to him or a part of Sunagakure . Katama takes the smile stoicly only to turn and dig in her satchel for an energy ' potion ' . " You look terrible . " She holds out the vial to the girl . " This should help . Forgive me for getting you involved last night . You were only drugged because you were with me . " The girl admits the truth , felt that Minori deserved the truth … . She looked back at Yuuto and couldn 't help but roll her eyes as he acted as cold as ever . " Don 't mind him . Come on , have a seat . " She guides Minori toward a stump . + Minori chuckles . " I 've probably looked better … " She winks at Katama and then glances across the area to Yuuto . It seemed the two worked together , or at least travelled together . " Hardly true , I was drugged because I accepted drinks from strangers . Not usually a good idea . " Minori plops down on the stump without hesitation and lets out a sigh and then drinks the potion she had been given . " It seems you two were just leaving , don 't let me interrupt you . " Yuuto stays back as Katama checks on the girl for a bit . When she starts to guide her to the stump , he decides to at least help a little , especially since the girl is encouraging them to leave . He quickly forms a hand seal , making pieces of earth rise up around Minori to create a somewhat comfortable resting place . Katama watches her shrug off her own involvement in Minori 's drugging and then see she girl drink the potion . It would perk her up and make her feel more awake at least . She would have to buy more of those things before they left again . Yuuto 's irritation at being stuck there wasn 't lost on the girl , but she jsut ignored it for the moment . They could fight about it later . So when Yuuto steps forward and creates and earthen resting place for the woman Katama turns and offers him a thankful smile before looking at Minori again . " There you go . We need to go get some water , give me your canteen and I 'll fill yours as well . " She accepts the item and turns back to Yuuto , motioning that he should lead the way to the river . + Minori is completely surprised by the hospitality of the pair . " Well , this is extremely kind of both of you . " She smiles pleasantly , hoping to convey her appreciation and she fidgets with her equipment and eventually hands her own canteen over to Katama . " This drink you gave me was quite helpful , I 'm already feeling more energized . I should be good in a couple of minutes , I think . " " I suppose it 's the least we could do with you getting caught up in that … incident , " Yuuto says , at least showing some courtesy , though his voice is as cold as ever when behind the mask . He offers a quick nod to Katama as she takes the girl 's canteen before turning to dart off toward a nearby fresh stream . Though he is showing some form of decency , he is still silent as they move toward it . Katama chuckles to herself and follows Yuuto into the woods for the stream . Once there she proceeds to fill each canteen while amazingly not sinking to her hips into the mud of the bank due to her armor … She fills Minori 's then uses a tree to pull herself back up the bank . " Where are we going next , Shishou ? " While the two suna shinobi were gone dealing with thier canteens , Minori is left in the clearing … and she 's being watched . From the tree line a pair of eyes peers down from the tree limb , watching the woman and being indecicive about whether to approach or not . He 'd watched his target leave the area but he would lose time going around the clearing … and he had heard the target say that they would return . . so he waited … + Minori is left alone . Not that she minds , in fact , it was nice to be able to take a moment and possible close her eyes for a nap , which she attempts to do . Within moments , the sleepy Tenjin is out like a light . Despite her slumbering state , she would be easily awoken if anyone bothered her for some reason , even a louder approach of Katama and Yuuto , if they were to make much noise , could alter her again . Filling his own canteen , Yuuto is silent until Katama asks a question . " Home to Sunagakure , " he replies simply . " We 'll rest for a day or so , and then we 'll probably receive our next orders . " Once done filling it , he would stand back upright , giving her a moment to finish filling her canteens before turning to move swiftly back toward the spot where they left Minori by the shack . As Katama and Yuuto re - enter the area , A shape drops from one of the trees and starts walking boldly , openly toward them . Katama notes the motion then tenses up when she sees the man . But he 's wearing the markings of a Sungakure messenger and he stops well out of Yuuto 's melee range and drops to one knee , holding up a rolled piece of paper . Katama narrows her eyes at the message and heads over to Minori to return the now filled canteen . " Looks like we don 't get to go home . " + By the time Katama arrives at Minori , the Tenjin has snapped out of her micro - nap and glances over to her , grinning slightly . " Well , thank you very much for that . " She pushes herself to her feet and moves to meet Katama in order to take her canteen and drink a good deal of the contents . " Ohh … that 's better . " Yuuto doesn 't flinch as the man drops from the tree , eyes narrowing behind his mask . The man kneeling in front of him is a little confusing , as he 's not really used to anyone besides Katama giving him much regard due to his history . " So it seems , " he says as he walks over to the man , accepting the paper and opening it to look it over and see what their new orders are . " I suppose Kuroki - sama is liking our work thus far . " Yuuto would read the orders , however , that would be much different than what he 'd expected . The words on the paper were simple . " You will escort Nambu Katama to her family 's home to meet with her brother , Lord Nambu on a family matter . " + Minori looks from Katama to the messenger , then to Yuuto and back to Katama . " Looks like you two have something you need to take care of . " The Tenjin returns her canteen to her equipment and smiles . " Well , it was very kind of you to … you know , take care of me here , even if it was just for a few minutes . I imagine we 'll be parting ways , now . " Yuuto seems to pause for a long moment as he looks that note over before tucking it into a pouch on his side . " Well , Princess … " he starts to say , slowly looking back over to her . " It seems you yourself are the client of the next mission , and I 'll be getting to meet my newest target a lot sooner than expected . " He goes silent then as he walks over to and somewhat past the girls , figuring Katama will pretty much understand the idea that he is escorting her home . Katama looks up , suprised that Yuuto would call her / princess / of all things , followed quickly by an expression of confusion at being named the client … . . And then she freezes in place , the color draining from her face as the realization comes over her of just what he 's saying . Several seconds tick by before she finds a voice . A shaky harsh voice . " You have got to be kidding me . Stop playing around ! " She hid quickly behind a shield of anger . " Give me that so I can read our real mission ! " She takes several steps forward , reaching for the pocket he 'd put the paper in . + Minori frowns slightly at their reactions . Apparently something was going on and it might end up being something Minori doesn 't want to get involed in . " Uhm , what is going on ? " " You assume I 'd joke about such a thing just because I 'm insane ? " Yuuto asks , his voice flat as he allows hers to take the paper from his pocket . " Consider this a way for me to get a good luck at my target and learn some of his behaviors . These are our orders , so we have to get going . " At Minori 's question , the black - masked shinobi cuts his gaze to her quickly . " This is official Sunagakure business . You are a civilian . I suggest you stay away . " With that , he looks back to Katama , waiting for her response as well as for her to begin leading the way toward her homeland . " I never said you were insane . " Katama growls at him as she retrieves the paper and unrolls it . Her expression goes from her shield of anger to an expressiont hat makes her appear weary . " Bride him . " Yuuto 's words cut through her consciousness and she comes out of her own thoughts just enough to sigh and hand him back the paper . Yes this could be quite useful for Yuuto to meet the man she was aiming to have killed … . She suprised herself at the thought , it had taken 17 years but she finally acknowledged that feeling inside her chest : hatred for her brother . Yuuto 's comment toward Minori makes her sigh and rub her temples . " Indeed , you do not need to be caught up in my Lord Brother 's foolish politicing … . " + Minori nods slowly . " Ahh … I see . So , it 's going to be dangerous . Well , I 'm not completely helpless , and I do need to get somewhere else other than here , so … maybe I could tag along partway , at least ? " She shrugs . " Protection on the road would be preferable , at least . " " It 's a mere fact , " Yuuto says with a shrug . He waits for now as Katama seems to contemplate , and Minori appears to be trying to invite herself along for the trip . " It is your choice as the client , but I do not imagine your brother will be happy if someone besides you and your appointed guard show up at his gates . " Katama seemed open to Minori tagging along on the road but she looked at Yuuto silently to see what he would say to the girl . But instead he turns to Katama herself and tells her as the client it was her descision . . And his final words set her choice in stone . " You 're welcome to travel with us for a ways , Tenjin - san . " She 's suddenly / smiling / . It seems a bright smile at first , but as she turns to Yuuto he would see the dark gleam in her eyes . " And my Lord Brother can supply an extra kimono for my trouble . " + Minori smiles and nods . " I think traveling with someone for a change would be quite nice . " She looks over to Yuuto and gives him a grin . " Your concern is appreciated . If it will be so dangerous , I could easily enough part ways before we get that far . I need no travel the full distance . " " Not the best tactical decision if we don 't want to get attacked at the gates , but I suppose , if that happens , kicking in a fortress would give me a good chance to really test how hard I can throw that ability I showed you the other day , " Yuuto says , seeming somewhat exasperated , but giving a shrug before turning around to face the girls . " Very well , Oni - Hime … Let 's move . " It seems Katama 's gaining more nicknames as he goes along , perhaps something he 's chosen to do to distract himself from some of his own thoughts . Katama gave him a sarcastic look at the new nickname but turns and studies the sun for a moment before heading in the direction of her family 's estates . She 's quite silent for a distance , even walking so carefully so precicely that she 's not making footfalls and if her vision could ignite a fire , the forest would be aflame around them . Finally she comes out of it and all emotion drains from her face , her eyes cool considerably and she change how she moves , less warrior , more graceful ( a feat in the armor ) … Though the average person would assume she moved differntly because of her armor , any shinobi able to see or sense her chakra would note the crackle of energy rolling over it as she set her mind to the task of dealing with her brother . . Or more specifically , trying to figure out what he 's up to … . . + Minori follows along , silently , not wanting to cause any sort of problems . She could see the way Katama looked - not in a good mood , perhaps . Very volatile , to say the least . And Yuuto ? He didn 't seem like someone worth pestering in the first place , so she just did her best to stay quiet and out of the way . Eventually , when Katama seems to calm down , Minori relaxes a bit . " So , where are we going , exactly ? " Yuuto is silent for the journey as well , likely none - too - happy about having a straggler along for this mission for more than one reason . He 'd thought they 'd ditched all the weirdos from that party finally , but it looks like one has latched on . At least it 's not Uyeda , though … He really should have killed that guy when he had the chance . Then none of this would have happened … at least not last night , and they 'd have been more prepared … On top of that , there 's at least some chance they 're walking into an ambush . That guy who bowed to him could have been bidding him a potential farewell … Oye , too many questions . This intriguing woman may get him killed some day yet . Katama had been considering what her idiot brother was up to … She had come up with a couple of possibilities as she 'd walked silently . As she had contemplated and brooded , Yuuto might have seen flickers of that demon face once again , her crimson eyes were loaded with potential violence . As she walked , however , the further they got the more she smoothed into a more noble manner , even fussing with her short hair for a few lengths . When Minori asks where they are going Katama answers her with a cool voice . " To my home . We are not too far from it now , so if you want to escape … " She looks directly at Minori in all seriousness . " Now 's the time , my friend . " She continues walking , picking a handful of berries as she moves past the bush . " But if you stay you 'll be treated well or my / Lord Brother / will have another dagger in his shoulder … . " + " Oh … I see . " Minori contemplates for a little bit . " Well , I 'm not completely helpess , so I think I would like to tag along , if you don 't mind ? I certainly would love to see your home and meet more of your clan . " She smiles pleasantly and eventually digs into a pocket and pulls out some dried foods which she begins to nibble on to apease her appetite . " Sure . Today 's as good a day as any for a suicide mission , " Yuuto comments sarcsatically . " I hope you two 've recovered enough from the old man 's drugs that they don 't think I 'm walking a couple junkies up to their gates . " Seems he 's brooding in a different way , though preparing mentally for what could potentially turn into all - out combat . Katama chuckles at the suggestion that they look like junkies . " Don 't worry , Shishou , attacking you would only put bad blood between the Nambu and Sunagakure . He wouldn 't risk it . " Which leaves the question of what the nuptial her brother 's up to … " He might be checking up on me or he might want to ask someone what i 've been doing . . Certainly he wants to force me into formal clothing . " She sends a look at Minori , warningly . " You too . " So when she looks back at Yuuto as he broods , she shakes her head . " No killing , Shishou … not yet anyway . I 'm only a Chuunin so there should be no honor in my execution . And there would be none in yours since they hired you to bring me home . " She sounds confident in that fact . + Minori laughs a bit . " Junkies ? Beautiful Junkies , if nothing else . Everyone loves those … " She then smiles over at Katama . " Well , if he wants to get you into some formal clothes , it might be my chance to dress you up all nice and pretty . " She winks at her . " I 'll make sure you look absolutely lovely ! " " Do I seem worried ? " Yuuto asks of Katama as he looks back at her , likely quirking an eyebrow at her again . " We are shinobi on a mission . If situation calls for it , we bail out and report back to Sunagakure . Failing the opportunity to escape , we fight our way out . If there is no trouble , we simply follow orders as planned . " At the next conversation , he pauses a moment . " Like she doesn 't already ? " he mumbles to himself as he looks back ahead , continuing to move forward . Of course , the nobility thing is a new side of Katama he hasn 't seen yet . It should at least be interesting to observe , something new to add to his collection of pictures . Katama turns slowly to regard Minori with a look of betrayal on her face . " Not you too ! Have you ever had to wear those things ? They 're / heavy / . " This comming from the girl in plate mail … . " And he makes me wear a wig every single time because my hair 's not lady - like enough for him . Well maybe he should have thought of that before he sold me to the shinobi ! " She noticed every bit of Yuuto 's teasing and she huffed . She storms forward at a faster pace , looking every bit the warrior charging forward into battle . + Minori scurries up next to Katama and bumps up against her playfully . " Oh , hush , hush . I 'll pick out something you could totally enjoy wearing . Something lady - like , but not too much , perhaps ? " She chuckles and claps her hands together before rubbing her palms . " I will definitely have a good time with this … " Katama shakes her head at Minori 's chiding . " We won 't get much choice on apparel , usually just on color . But I 'm sure you 'll find something you like . " Yuuto 's question is answered as the treeline breaks and they see the town before them , at the center is the castle . They come to the gates of a castle soon enough and between them the guards manage to recognise Katama . " Lady Nambu . " They bow and regard her companions with questions in thier eyes . She answers them imperiously . " The shinobi ordered to escort me and a friend . Opent he gates or shall I open them for you ? " Her tone had gotten low and both guards jump into attention personally pulling opent he side door for the three to enter . Once inside they are escorted to separate chambers , Yuuto to one where he 's allowed to freshen up as he sees fit and the girls to another … Maids explode into action the instant the door is shut behind them . Katama wasn 't kidding abotu the formal attire . Three formal layered kimono are waiting , one black one , one red one and a pink one , for Katama to choose from . As a maid starts trying to untie her armor Katama actually slaps the girl . " Do not touch my armor . " Proceeding to strip it off herself while the maids , used to such treatment from others , move on to fuss over Minori . One maid even gushes that the pink one would look great on the woman . Katama rolls her eyes at the maids but makes a motion with her hand and the maids gather around Minori . " Enjoy it if you can … . " Finally free of her heavy armor she strips off her leather armor and the maids steal her away for a quick bath much to Katama 's dismay . She did manage to keep it quick , however … Meanwhile in Yuuto 's room , there is a short knock before an older lady calls that she 's comming in . An old maid enters with a tray and closes the shogi door behind her . " Lord Nambu offers you refreshment as you await Katama - dono . As you are her escort , of course you will be allowed in the room when she speaks with her brother . Do you require anything else , sir ? " + After Minori has been shuffled into the room with the maids , she finds their fussing something she is not used to . She has always handled most of her own apparel and changing , but after seeing the one get slapped Minori does not put up a fight . Instead , she nods her agreement that the pink one might look nice , and watches as Katama is shuffled off to get bathed , slightly jealous , perhaps . " Yes , the pink one would look nice . " While the girls are escorted off , Yuuto walks to his own room and sits down . Whether or not he is impressed with the castle isn 't really visible under his mask , and he 's given no such notion … And , while the girls get young maids gushing over getting them dressed , Yuuto ends up with an old woman bringing him some kind of drink … As if taking drinks from a stranger has worked out well for this team the last couple days . " Thank you . That will be all , " he says simply , waiting for her to exit before he would strip out of his armor to freshen up a bit and clean some of the blood off of his armor from the prior night 's … festivities . Katama is led back into the room wearing a nagajuban , her hair still damp and she proceeds to kneel and hold still with a sigh . The maids move in and paint her face , though they are a bit more creative with the red around her eyes , giving her a kind of Kabuki - style demon look over the white face and crimson lips . Her eyes grow darker as they paint her face and pull her hair back . Next she indicates the red kimono and stands with her hands out to either side as the maids put it on her layer by layer then the obi and finally an elaborate wig . Minori fares better . They do her hair in a simple but lovely bun and put a sakura kanzashii in it , putting the pink kimono and the proper obi on her before doing her makeup in a simple but elegant way . Katama looks at her and takes the heavy fan fromthe offered tray . " At least you don 't look like a Noh actor … " She eyes Minori a bit before she adds a jeweled comb to the girl 's hair and hands her a fan . Finally they are dressed and Katama orders that her Lord Brother be told they are prepared . Soon enough Yuuto would find himself being led to the audience chamber where the Lord Nambu sits on the raised dias looking far more broody than katama ever could . Minori has been asked to sit behind Katama and both of them are behind a screen . Yuuto is asked to sit in the back corner of the room . His view of Katama is a sideways view as he cans ee behind the screen from his vantage point . + Minori seems to enjoy both being dress as well as Katama 's distress at the same procedure . " A noh actor ? You look lovely ! " Minori chuckles into the sleeve of her Kimono and prepares to leave . When they arrive in the audience chamber and take their places behind the screen , Minori sits where instructed , maintaining a similar posture to Katama , showing years of courtly practice . She does , however , remain silent . As Yuuto is led back out to meet the girls , what he wears might be a bit shocking to both girls . Rather than his normal armor that makes him look like some kind of crazy Hell - spawn , he comes out in what appears to be a much more formal version of his normal attire , a sparkling white coat , black undershirt , black pants , and black boots . A clean black pack holds his normal articles and satchel to his back , his attire like night and day from before , his hair even tamed a somewhat . He moves to the back corner of the room as instructed once he reaches it , arms folding over his shoulder as he waits for the meeting to begin . Katama looks over as she hears Yuuto enter and she BLINKS . Since when did Shishou wear white ? ! She was looking at him with wide eyes and for once she was grateful for the thick makeup she was always forced to wear , though Minori might catch the blush on her neck from her vantage point … . She frowns as she hears her brother enter the room and the screen is still there . What could he / possibly / be wanting that would require the females to be hidden ? She nods supportively to Minori then turns back as she hears a second group enter the room . Not possible … . The skin at the base of her neck is the only part of her that is not painted or covered and Minori can see . . and the girl sees it pale then flare a dark red . Finally the Lord Nambu makes a motion and the screen is removed , revealing Minori and Katama . The latter is full on crackly aura when she lays eyes on the samurai that just entered the room with bodyguards . The man bows formally to both Nambu and Katama and the body guards end up sitting in similar locations as Yuuto . The man is introduced as Lord Kijimura of some town or other . Clearly Lord Nambu wanted trade rights with nother clan … . Otherwise he wouldn 't have set up an engagement … . . Katama swallows hard once then closes her fan and perfectly bows to Kijimura , dainty and proper . The man bows his head only , an indication that he thinks such a formal bow would not be appropriate for a woman to recieve . But he is certainly happy with what he sees … . . Katama frowns and sits back up , fan open and looking every bit the haughty female . Yuuto might notice that she 's a hairs breadth from mass murder … . + The entire ordeal thusfar was a bit familiar to Minori . She rarely ever attended court beyond what she did back in Kitsuki village . There , however , she had always worn the guise of the Tenjin heir , and here she was just herself . Regardless , she observed and logged detail after detail on the people around her , and when Katama gave a formal bow , Minori did as well . Best to appear like she had some reason to be here , if nothing else . Yuuto smirks slightly at Katama 's reaction to his attire , amused by that a good bit . There is still a faint red hue to his eyes , though not enough through the black that one would be able to tell it 's from Sharingan more than just a really weird coincidence of DNA … He is quiet through the ordeal of the man coming out , seeming rather solemn and unimpressed as men pile into the room . When at last Kijimura is introduced , his eyes narrow , and he sort of starts to piece together what is going on by Katama 's reactions and the way the man looks at her … This really isn 't good . Had he really led her here to be put into an arranged marriage after nearly admitting … Katama 's fan would suddenly pop back open in her hand , seeming to react to her anger somehow , though it would appear to just naturally open to anyone else . What would be there for Katama to see is ink forming a message in Yuuto 's handwriting . ' Gather yourself . We will find a way out of this . ' Katama jumps when her fan opens suddenly and she looks down at it , seeing the words written there … . She blinks at them and glances to Yuuto . She sighed once before she did something stupid and turned back toward her Lord Brother and her new suitor . Groom the man to the 9 hells . She wasn 't stupid however , and she trusted Yuuto to at least try to help her out of this . She leans back to Minori and whispers , " If something happens just run or swear i forced you to follow me . " She looks back to her betrothed and frowns with sudden attitude . " Lord Brother , this is the man you wish for / me / to marry ? Does he know / who / exactly I am ? " Lord Nambu frowns at her " He knows you are a princess of the Nambu Clan , sister , now be silent . " Katama fanned herself , hiding behind it again , mostly hiding her gritted teeth from her brother . Lord Kijimura , however is confused just as Katama had wanted . " Who she is ? Why she is your younger sister of course . " + Minori waits and watches . Things were a little tense , she could tell . When Katama informs her that there might be danger , Minori lets out a little sigh . Of course she was in danger , she never wasn 't , it seemed . However , she nods her agreement and then observes the exchange between Katama and the men . She was hoping nothing went bad , she didnt really feel like fighting anyone . With the words between the samurai , a rather mischievous idea comes to Yuuto 's mind … He 's really … really … . REALLY going to get in a lot of trouble for this … But he can 't let this happen to her . A marriage forced by the man they 're plotting to take down would be way too much to allow . Yuuto 's plan would start to come into motion as the words on the fan change instantly to say : ' Stand up and follow my lead then prepared to run . Put on a good show and we 'll get out of here okay . ' Yeah , Sousa 's gonna be # red | betrothed # # . So much for becoming a Chuunin , but at least he won 't be giving her up to this douche . Yuuto would give a moment for Katama to put things together before a Genjutsu would be forced out on all the samurai , intent on causing them physically weakening fear while merely giving Minori and Katama the image of it without wearing on them . What would basically be seen is Katama 's countenance beginning to shift , her skin turning an ashen gray and showing cracks that resemble one about to burst into lava . A set of giant bat - like wings would then sprout from her back along with long black ram - like horns from her head . The sounds of thunder rocking the area around them ring out , red lightning crackling out from here like an aura and beginning to spread out within the room . Katama reads the instructions and stands motioning with her hand for Minori to get ready . As the visions would surround them she smirks darkly , unaware of all the details Yuuto had thrown into the ' costume ' but she lifts her chin and as the samurai cower in fear , dishonoring themselves as they did so , she would speak in a dangerous voice . " I am the Demon Princess of Nambu and I belong to no man . " She turns her head , taking full advantage of the illusion , glowering down at her brother . " You chose me to become Kuroyari to fulfill my lineage . That removed me from your hands forever , / brother / . " She then strides forward , leaving each of the men to scamper out of her way as she glances at Yuuto wondering if she was doing a good job here … Yuuto grins as Katama does a pretty good job of playing along with the images he 's giving off . Her visage would grow increasingly demonic , the lightning strike all around the cowering samurai . Yuuto would motion for Minori to follow along as he begins to step behind Katama 's path . " Pitiful mortals , " he says with a chuckle as they walk out , the thunder seeming to rock the entire castle around the samurai as they go . Katama leads the way to the rooms they were in before and strips unceremoniously , helping Minori as much as she can as well , grabbing several expensive hair decorations and getting back into her armor before going back to meet Yuuto in his room . The maids just know that the crazy princess was storming through the castle again . Honestly rthey 'd expected it , knowing what had been ont he day 's schedual … So they stay out of everyone 's way . Guards are called to rush to the audience chamber and Katama opens the window in Yuuto 's room . " This way . I used to sneak out here all the time . " Following the woman down the hallway , Yuuto grins and gives a nod . He follows her out the window , hoping Minori has the stamina to follow . " Not much for staying in your room and following the rules , eh ? I guess we had more in common than I thought . " Landing outside , he 'd waiting for Katama 's next instruction on their getaway or for her to merely lead the way . Either way , they 'd better get moving pretty quickly before the samurai realize they 're no longer in ' danger ' . Katama simply leads the way out of the castle by way of the river tht runs behind it . once across the river she sprints into the woods and continues running until she finds a small bunker in a hill . It was probably a win celler or soemthing but it 's been abandoned by now and it was relatively hidden . Once inside , though , Katama 's surge of adrenaline from the ploy turns into a hard knot in her stomache . She keeps her back to Yuuto , leaning one hand against the wall for support . Yuuto follows Katama down the trail , rather amused with this chase . He hasn 't really had this kind of fun since becoming a shinobi again . Sure , he 'll pay for it when he gets back , but it 's worth it to spare Katama being pushed into a marriage she wants no part of . Once they get inside , he glances around before looking at her . He blinks a few times as she keeps her back to him , pondering a moment before he steps forward and places a hand on her shoulder if allowed , one of few times he 's initiated physical contact outside training or helping her out of trouble … maybe the first . " I think we lost them . Are you alright ? " Katama 's body tenses up so much from the touch that Yuuto can even feel it through all her armor . The shot of adrenaline was heigtening her emotions and she couldn 't seem to get them under control . That must be why her heart beat faster at the touch . she takes several shallow panting breaths before she lets out a frustrated shout and puts all the weight shes wearing and her strength into a punch , slammming her armored fist straight into the stone wall and shattering the brick that was unlucky enough to be struck . If she hadn 't had her gauntlet her hand would undoubtedly be crushed by the impact . But then she leans back just a little against Yuuto 's hand , a silent acceptance of the touch , allowing it and trying to convey that she wasn 't upset with him . Several moments pass and she still desn 't move except to hang her head . She speaks gruffly . " Thank you … again . " Yuuto blinks at Katama 's shout , though he doesn 't move his hand even when she punches and shatters the brick of the wall in front of her . Her leaning into his touch brings a faint smile . " You 're welcome , " he responds , stepping a bit closer . " Pity we didn 't know what the meeting was beforehand so we could 've just skipped it , but the good news is , I don 't think we 'll have to worry about running into the guy your brother wanted you to marry again . " Katama swallows hard and finally lifts her head , the remnants of her makeup making her still appear pale with the red highlights , in her armor sh elooks like a samurai lord ready for battle in some old play , but her eyes shine through in a way that tells Yuuto she had been pushed to an edge . " He knew if we 'd known that I would not have come . " She shakes her head and turns , letting her back clank against the stone wall . " How many times does that ring - bearer intend to sell me ? Ugh . " She looks at her left hand , still in it 's gauntlet and she suddenly loathes the scar beneathe . There was a plus side though . " That message ordered you to escort me , nothing more , Yuuto . So neither of us did anything to damage the shinobi and my brother looked like he was quite the believer after that show so he shouldn 't try anything similar any time soon … . Kijimaru . . " She shakes her head . " Poor guy , he 's ajerk but he didnt deserve that … well maybe he did … . My brother won 't be happy but it 's now between him and me and Kijimaru won 't press for the contract . He 's a coward . " She was calming herself slowly by talking but her eyes showed that deep down she 'd been shaken pretty hard . " I suppose that 's true , " Yuuto says , sighing a bit as he glances away for a moment before looking back to her . " So long as your Shishou is around , he won 't be allowed to sell you off again . I 'll rip the earth out from under his feet and cast him into the depths of Hell before I allow that to happen . " He ponders over her next words a bit , chuckling a bit and saying , " Well , in my book he deserved it . He looked at you like a piece of meat or a trophy that would be in his case whether you liked it or not , not even bothering to try to see the soul I 've seen . I 'd say he deserved to have that contract shoved down his throat . " Katama blinks at Yuuto as the man promises to basically protect her from her idiot brother 's schemes . As long as he 's around … It was an odd feeling for her and right now she didn 't trust herself with it so she tried to shove it down . . Hard . Again her eyes betray her and a hint of that mental blush seeps through in her expression . When he states his reasons why Kijimaru deserved every bit he got she has to admit he 's right . He might have been a Lord but he was a Rank A jerk . Outside there ' sthe sound of feet and armor clamking past the door of the cellar , and then nothing . The soldiers were unaware of this place , she knew , because they 'd never found her there before . She turns to Yuuto , looks away then back before she simply leans forward to thunk her head on his shoulder . It was a touch but if need be it could be shrugged off as from one comrade to another . " You saved me again … " Yuuto is silent for a bit , allowing Katama to process the information and calm down a bit . His eyes cast a glance toward the outside as the soldiers pass by , relaxing a bit more once they are gone . When she turns and puts her head on his shoulder , he looks a bit surprised , though he doesn 't pull away . Instead , after that moment 's pause , he would bring his arms up to wrap them around her to hold her . " Well , I suppose I can be good for something once in a while , " he says with a slight grin , looking down at her as he tries to cheer her up a bit . Katama is astonished once again as Yuuto brings his arms up around her . Not just by the action but by her own reaction to it . She 'd never been one to accept or recieve affection so this is entirely new territory for her . At least her mind isn 't on the debacle that they 'd jsut left behind . A couple of minutes pass and finally she lets out a deep , cleansing breath . " I wish I could have seen the look on my brother 's face better … It must have been priceless . " She speaks but doesnt move out of his arms just yet . " I know more of how you feel about Scarecrow now . I never thought I felt emotions this strong but I / hate / him . I want him to die thinking the Nambu Demon has consumed him . Entirely . " She 's talking of more than jsut an illusion this time . . a desire to route every single one of his resources before taking his pathetic life … . Yuuto silently holds Katama for a bit . It 's a little awkward with her not hugging him in return , but she doesn 't seem ready to move just yet , and he 's not necessarily in a hurry here . " It 's a powerful thing , that thirst , " he says with a smirk . " If that is your desire , we 'll make it happen . Genjutsu is apparently his weakness , so , with me at your side , we 'll make his kingdom fall all around him before you deliver his much - deserved fate . " Katama accepts the hug from Yuuto without wanting to push him past his limits . She knew he wasn 't used to being touched so she 'd kept herself from returning the affection . But finally she shows that she is thankful for the hug as well as a bit of feminine affection in return by placing her hand on his chest lightly . Silently she nods to his offer to help her rip her brother 's world to shreds around him . Let him meet the real Demon within his sister … . She leans forward a bit , her armor keeping her from getting too close , but she felt safe like this and that was a good feeling for the girl . Her hand presses lightly against Yuuto 's chest and she sighs again , releasing some tension , much calmer now . Just when Yuuto had thought she might want him to let go , Katama actually makes the embrace a bit more intimate . His eyes look down at hers , a light grin touching his lips . " So you 're beginning to experience emotion ? I suppose hate is a start if that 's where you must start , but there are better things beyond that . " Of course , had she been pushed into Kijimaru 's arms , she 'd have never been able to find out any of that . Perhaps that is part of the reason he was so quick about saving her from such a fate . Katama looks up and sees the grin on his lips and finally , the white makeup fails her . She blushes so deeply that it can be seen at the roots of her raven hair . She manages to keep herself under control though as he speaks of feelling hatred but also other things not so dark … She felt one of those right now but she wasn 't sure why or what it was even so she pushed it into a bottle to study later . " A start is better than no start I suppose . " The intensity of that blush causes that grin to tug just a bit wider on Yuuto 's lips . She would almost seem like a normal princess in the arms of a normal suitor if it weren 't for the rather insane circumstances surrounding this . " Indeed … I suppose this is another way I should teach you . Emotions can be just as necessary as your mind when it comes to making the right move on a mission , after all . " His hand opposite her hand on his chest would leave her waist to gently caress her cheek , eyes looking into her own still . " There is a lot more you can be than just the demon we 're going to make your brother fear . " Katama scowls at his grin , knowing full well that he 'd seen her blush . As his hand comes up to caress her cheek she tenses up again , eyes going wide . The pulse in her neck betrays her heart beat fluttering too fast , her breathing practically stops and her face gets even brighter . Her first instinct had been to lean her cheek into the touch ( which made no sense to her at all ) and though she completes half that motion , she 's caught like a deer in headlights after that , frozen like a statue , not breathing , mind blue - screening … And suddenly her eyes weaken , glaze and … she faints . Yuuto watches Katama 's reaction curiously , which seems rather pleasant . . and then she actually glazes over and faints . It 's a good thing he kept one arm around her , as this makes it rather easy to scoop her up and keep her from hitting the floor . " That was unexpected , " he says , seeming rather amused as he holds her up , glancing around the room for somewhere he could set her or sit with her to rest . Either the last couple days have been too much , or he may have just kind of broken his demon companion . Katama is layed out on the soft earthen floor and she stays out cold , her breathing returning to normal . She seemed entirely calm in sleep , her face showing none of the strain from the last few days , none of her usual ' mask ' either . She 's still out when soft footsteps sound behind them at the bunker 's door . Just inside the door ( and out of everyone 's sight but Yuuto 's ) is a woman several years older than Katama wearing a simple but elegant kimono , her hair up in a respectable bun . She looks much like the younger girl and concern crosses her face when she sees Katama unconscious . She turns to regard Yuuto . " I suppose that would be the reaction to such a display of demonic power … " She looks entirely serious , a hint that the castle had been utterly decieved by the genjutsu . " Was she harmed ? " Yuuto waits patiently as Katama sleeps , sitting on the floor by her while allowing her to rest up . After all , they 've got a long trip back to Sunagakure ahead . When someone actually opens the door and walks in , he reaches to his back to place his hand on a sword sheath , prepared in case they 've been fond . His eyes lock onto the approaching woman , studying her a bit and glancing back and forth between the two before he finally drops his hand back down to his side . " Well , the display was fitting in that situation , " he says with a shrug of his shoulders . " She 's fine , just resting … Who are you ? " The woman bows to Yuuto . " I am Aoi , Katama 's elder sister . There is no need for weapons . I was the person to show her this hiding place after all . I certainly will not tell my brother about it . " She looks at Katama again and shakes her head . " I never thought she would be so open about such a thing . Certainly the deal with Lord Kijimaru is going to be cancelled . " She looks at Yuuto again . " Rest assured I will chide my brother for this foolish action . Of course he could not offer her in marriage . Both because she is one of / you / now and she is not human . What kind of children could they expect ? " She scoffs at the thought . " She will get out of this foolish mistake easily enough but rest assured there will be consequences to having embarassed my brother so openly . " She sighs and pulls a small box from her sleeve , setting it on a ledge before turning around . " If she is unharmed then I shall go find my brother and have the guard recalled . You should have a clear path soon enough . " And with that she turns her back and leaves . A few moments later the voices of the guards can be heard returning ot the estate . " Ah , so there are sensible members of the Nambu family . That 's good to know … I 'm Yuuto , " Yuuto says as he relaxes a bit . He lets out a sigh , glancing down at Katama then back up Aoi . " I 'm sure we 'll be hearing from him again at some point , though I imagine he 'll have to do damage control from today 's stunt . I hope you 're not the one to end up stuck with that clown when we get out of here . Good luck . " With that , he looks back down to Katama , wondering how much longer he 'll be able to let her nap … Of course , he could always just make some kind of creature to ride out of here on and just carry her with him . A short time later Katama groans and puts a hand to her face as she wake sup groggily . " Ugh my head … " She opens her eyes and looks around her , stopping at Yuuto 's form and gulping as the last images of her memory resurface . Yuuto 's hand on her cheek … " She flushes deeply but manages to grab hold of her typical shield with both hands . " What did you do ? ! " She sits up and checks her armor , eyeing Yuuto warily for a moment . She looks around … her eyes landing on the box Aoi had left . " What 's that ? " She stands , approaching the box warily , eager to skip the subject of her blush entirely . As Katama finally wakes up , Yuuto is silent but smirks as she starts to freak out about the earlier incident . " I only did what you saw me do , except for catching you and setting you down to rest when you fainted on me , " he replies then looks up at the box . " Your sister left that . She said her name is Aoi . From what she said , we should be able to sneak out of here pretty soon with a clear path . She 's having your brother recall the guard chase … if he listens . " Katama sends Yuuto a glare when he tells her how she fainted , huffing but allowing the subject change . " Aneue Aoi … . More likely she 'll order the guards to stand down then face my brother alone . She 's scarier than any demon could ever be … . " Katama picks up the box carefully , opening it . She stares at the contents before she closes the box and hands it over to Yuuto . " She left it for you . " " Ah , so the frightening trait runs in the family , huh ? " Yuuto asks rhetorically , wondering exactly how scary that woman really is , though it 's probably better NOT to find that out personally . When the box is handed over , he blinks a few times , almost wondering if he should open it by how Katama looked at it . He pauses just a moment in that thought before opening the box to see what exactly Aoi would have left for him . " yes . the frieghtening trait runs int he family . " She shakes her head ruefully . " My mother … . " She pauses then continues in a more controlled manner . " My mother was said to have had it as well . " Inside the box is a rather intricate pendant styled aftera sword who 's blade is bent in a knot , giving it a shield - like appearance . Katama explains with a bit of a smile . " It 's like a medal of honor given to personal bodyguards and such . It 's pretty rare and made of katana steel . Aoi - aneue was thanking you for protecting me . " " Quite an interesting family , " Yuuto says as he looks over the pendant curiously . He finally sets the box down and pulls it out of the box when Katama starts to explain what it is . " So this makes me your Shishou , your bodyguard , and your friend , huh ? " he asks with a smile before looking back to her with a slightly mischievous grin . " Any more titles you 'd like to give me ? " Katama tilts her head and eyes Yuuto a moment . " You 're a Jackass . " She sounds quite serious . . for all of five seconds . She shakes her head and walks over to him . " But that doesn 't change the fact we 're friends . " She smirks at him and pats his cheek with her hand . She was still trying vainly to cover her embarassment about fainting on him by being overly ' nice ' or ' playful ' like she was just ' one of the guys ' . It was a facade she 'd tried to use a long time ago and had given up on because she wasn 't that good at it . Yuuto should be happy he 'd managed to get her to react at all . " I suppose I am , " Yuuto says with a grin , blinking a bit at her as she pulls a rather … weird facade on him . " Oookay then , " he says with a quirked eyebrow . " Remind me to bring up how cute you look when you 're sleeping while you 're patting my cheek like a kid , " he sort of retorts , attempting to make her blush again as he tucks the pendant back into the box then tucks it away in his coat . Katama / blinks / at Yuuto when he speaks of telling her she 's cute when she pats his cheek … MEN ! Her hand snaps out trying to slap him one across the face , though he manages to catch her wrist before impact . She blinks again several times before looking down and taking a few breaths to calm herself . It always took her a while to get out of ' Hime - Mode ' . . Slapping a servant was an everyday occurance in her family , but she 'd just tried to slap Yuuto and as that realization settles in on her she looks quite revolted by her own behavior , not struggling against his grip . She 'd never honestly appologized to anyone in front of Yuuto before but that 's what he 's getting now . " I … I 'm sorry . That was uncalled for . " ' Yuuto 's eyes would suddenly get rather serious when Katama almost slaps him , his own hand opposite hers reaching up to catch it . As off his rocker as he is , he 's definitely looking at her as if he 's questioning her sanity right now . There might even be a hint of a look of feeling betrayed in his crimson eyes briefly , as the one person he 's allowed physical contact outside combat just tried that . It goes away rather quickly , though , once she begins to apologize , possibly by choice . You are forgiven , " he says with a nod , though that amused smile is quite gone now as he inspects her eyes , almost as if peering at her soul . " I am fine with joking , sparring , and all that … But do not try that again . " Katama looks up at Yuuto as he speaks sternly to her , ordering her not to try that again . She nods , the look in her eyes every bit that of a student afraid she might have upset or disappointed her teacher . It seems she 's capable of feeling sad as well , though the expression on her makes her look younger . She forces herself to look him in the eyes and twists her wrist out of his grip before bringing it to his cheek carefully , touching where she had been aiming to strike him . Her fingers stroke the skin there and she lowers her eyes again before leaning forward and pressing her cheek to his gently . ' For a brief moment , Yuuto 's eyes could probably burrow a hole through a titanium wall . There is more to it than he has said , but he 's just going to leave it be for now . The look starts to soften again as she touches his cheek more gently , his ability to stay angry with her showing to be a bit lacking . He looks a bit confused as she leans forward , though the feeling of her cheek pressing to his seems to break down his anger a lot more . After a brief pause , he lets out a sigh and stretches his arms forward to wrap them around her again , remaining silent for a bit now and letting things settle . Katama half expected to be pushed away if that look in his eyes was anything to go by , so when he softened and wrapped his arms around her she smiles and lowers her head to his shoulder , secure in the knowledge that he 'd honestly forgiven her . It was a thought that she found extremely necessary , just as breathing was necessary , she needed him to not be angry with her . This time she easily reaches up and wraps her arms around his back , one wrapping loosely around his waist while the other arm wraps up his back , her warm palm on his shoulder blade . It was a nice feeling … One that she knew really couldnt last but that didn 't mean she couldnt wish it would . ' Yuuto is rather pleasantly surprised as Katama wraps her arms around him in return and leans her head on his shoulder . This is rather new , something he hadn 't really expected to experience with … well , anyone , much less a girl who thought she had no emotion . He is still for a moment before he 'd lean his head down a bit , brushing his cheek against hers again as if testing the feeling again . For her being one who didn 't think she 'd have emotion , the past couple days have been something of a rollercoaster pertaining to it . Indeed the last few days had worn her out mentally as well as physically but she was a warrior and she would be wed if she 'd fall before they finished thier mission and returned home . So she was shoving all of that strain down as best she could until she could collapse in her apartment in Sunagakure . When Yuuto presses his cheek to hers again she increases the pressure just a bit . It was like a cat bumping it 's head against someone 's hand , instinctual affection offered freely from a person that gave nothing without cause . Her hand tightens in his shirt and she speaks softly , hesitantly . " Thank you . . for saving me twice now … Yuuto . " ' Yuuto tilts his head slightly at the tightening of Katama 's hand on his shirt , smiling at her words . " It 's my pleasure , Katama , " he says , squeezing her gently in his arms . " I couldn 't exactly stand by and let someone else … Umm … Let them force you to marry someone … who doesn 't love you nor vice versa … " He seems to be having a / little / trouble picking the right words there , perhaps the wear and tear of the last few days getting to him too , or maybe something else … Katama sighed and rested her head against his shoulder for a moment longer , loathe to break the embrace . She 's pulled from her peace by his words . Why was he having trouble getting a sentence out ? The strangeness of his tone and the words makes her memorize them in an effort to possibly understand them later . But Yuuto seems to be slightly disturbed by something if his pulse was anything to go by so she slowly lets go of him . " We should be safe now if you want to try and make it out of the area . I think we both need some time off . " ' " Yeah , " Yuuto says with a nod , smiling down at Katama before standing up and offering a hand down to help her up . " Let 's get home , shall we ? " With that , he would quickly gather his things , preparing to get out of the bunker the way they came in so they can try to get away without being spotted by the guards . " It 'll definitely be nice to be back in a familiar bed for a day or two . " Click here to edit contents of this page . Click here to toggle editing of individual sections of the page ( if possible ) . Watch headings for an " edit " link when available . Append content without editing the whole page source . Check out how this page has evolved in the past . If you want to discuss contents of this page - this is the easiest way to do it . 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June 21 , 2009 by nolebucgrl I 've already linked to several Twilight fan fics in comments on my other blogs but I figured I should make a blog with all I 've read in one spot . I 'll keep coming back and adding to this as I read more , but I wanted to get it started as I 've devoured quite a bit in the last few weeks . I went on a quest reading various vampire novels and while I found several series I really enjoyed , I didn 't find anything that spoke to me the same way that Twilight did . So when I ventured into fanfiction I did so with a lot of skepticism , would other versions of Edward and Bella speak to me the way they did in Twilight ? And I found that they completely did . It 's truly Edward that I love , I embrace him in all forms it seems . Bella is often improved upon in the fics I 've read as well , not to mention more substance given to Jasper and Carlisle and the rest of the clan I 've fallen for . I have four books sitting beside me to read but I 'd rather hit the net and find the next fanfiction that speaks to me . Thanks to Rameau for getting me started and AGO and Lady for throwing new stuff my way . Without further ado , here 's the fics : Wide Awake by Angstgoddess003 . This is the first big one that I read and it 's the one that got me hooked enough to continue in my research . Edward and Bella are human next door neighbors who cannot sleep at night due to past traumas . They bond in the night and find understanding and completion in one another . Fabulous story with only a chapter and an epilogue left to go . I 'm dying for more . Creature of Habit by EZRocksAngel . In this one , Bella goes to work for the reclusive Edward Cullen , eccentric rich guy whom she rarely gets to see . He 's a vampire here and her scent tortures him just as it does in Twilight . He oversees his families charitable business by day and by night he tries to keep vampires from killing humans . Love ensues . The Red Line by WinndSinger . Easily the hardest one for me to get through . Edward is a stripper / male prostitute and Bella hires him to do a psychological study on . He instructs her in the ways of sex and she teaches him that he 's worth loving . Very heavy S & M punishment type stuff on some of Edward 's jobs , hard to get through . I did like his interaction with Bella but it 's not one I would go back to . Irritable Grizzly Adams by caligula42 . Supposes that when Edward left Bella in the woods in New Moon , he didn 't return to her . He lied to her and to his family . 6 years pass and Bella becomes some wildlife student , working to study wolves . She has a wolf / dog named Jake ( HA ) and goes with a professor to Alaska to meet with some colleagues and get a grant . Edward and Carlisle are there to give money . Confrontations and angst ensue . This one isn 't finished but it 's decent , the issue I had was that Edward didn 't appear til the 6th chapter or thereabouts , I missed him . Let Your Light Shine by LolaShoes . These two are my favorites after Wide Awake . Picks up on Bella and Edward 's honeymoon after she gets in the water . LOTS of sex . I mean LOTS . No Renesmee . Bella is transformed by Edward as a choice , not because she 's dying . The Cullens are all there with her . Great stuff . A Life Extraordinary by LolaShoes . Sequel to Let Your Light Shine . Bella 's life as a vampire . More bonding with the Cullens , particularly Jasper . Lots more sex . Cameos by Angela and Mike and Jessica and Aro . Not yet finished but close to being done and she appears to be updating weekly . These two combine to be the Breaking Dawn that I would have enjoyed . Bella 's power is different as well and there 's good exploration of her ability . Abbracciare il Cantante by Bratty - Vamp . I loved this one too , up til the end which I felt was too rushed . Supposes that Edward leaves Forks that first day that he smells Bella in biology class . Picks up 3 years later in college at Dartmouth when she wanders into his class again . This time he stays and a story ensues … . The Arrangement by manyafandom . This one is another sexual one , threesome between Bella and Edward and Jasper . They 've all been best friends since they were 5 years old and they 're living together to go to grad school . One drunken night Bella makes a move on Edward with Jasper watching and he joins in . It gets complicated because Bella and Edward are secretly in love with one another and Jasper gets emotionally involved as well . Not finished yet , lots of sex naturally and plenty of angst . Innocent , Vigilant , Ordinary by Oxymoronic8 . Supposes that the Cullens don 't arrive in Forks until Bella 's senior year . She 's involved with Jacob , gave in to his desires to be more than friends but clearly though she loves him , something is missing . Edward is a vampire in this one and they become tentative friends . She 's torn between pursuing something exciting with Edward or going with the one she knows in Jake . Not finished and hasn 't been updated in awhile which concerns me , but at least it ends in a good place if she doesn 't continue . Hiding In Plain Sight by limona . This one has Emmett as a cop who has to hide Bella in witness protection . She ended up working for the Volturi family , notorious mob bosses , out of college and found out they were killing people . Emmett 's brother , Edward , volunteers to let Marie ( her real name , she changes it to Bella to hide ) stay at his house and pose as his fiancee . Jacob Black is his gardener , they bond a little which drives Edward crazy , he and Bella grow closer . Also not finished but looks to be updated fairly recently . Only Human by Amethyst Jackson . Edward and Bella return from their honeymoon and the Cullens throw Bella another birthday party . She makes a wish that she could give Edward human experiences and she 's transported to 1918 where she meets Edward Masen and his family . In present time , Edward gets new memories as she and human Edward interact in the past . I found this quite interesting and enjoyed getting to see human Edward and his parents . Bella 's conflict of loving both human and vampire Edward was interesting . Bonne Foi by Amethyst Jackson . This one is still in progress but updated recently as well . Here , Edward Masen is going to college and he is on the prowl for a lovely lady to kill . He meets Bella and gets her alone with him but finds himself becoming more interested in her than her blood when they start talking . It supposes that our virginal Bella would not be adverse to having sex with a virtual stranger , but I guess when he looks like Edward who cares ? He keeps her alive and enjoys sleeping with her , since he can 't hear her thoughts and get turned off . After meeting her , he finds that he hears her voice whenever he is getting ready to bite a human so he turns to animals . He ends up in Forks with her and meets Carlisle and learns that there are other vamps living off animals . He tells himself that he 's only keeping Bella alive because he enjoys sleeping with her but his feelings are growing and he 's in denial . Interesting one . If Love Could Light A Candle by Pastiche Pen . This one was different , flashed back to Edward hunting humans in the 1920 's and doing penance now by becoming a psychiatrist . One of his patients is new girl Bella Swan and he is into her smell but also falls for her . Only 6 chapters so far and it 's been awhile since updated but I found this one intriguing . Edward was following Bella around and just fascinated with her , plus it was fun to see hunter Edward come out to play in his memories . Hopefully she 'll update soon . So that 's it so far , not that that 's not plenty to chew through ! Rameau links some on her site as well , some I mention here and some others I have yet to get to . I picked up a lot from a Wide Awake fan forum , A Unicorn Ate My Fucking Cookie , which I recommend as their recommendations are the ones I 've thrown at you here . They know of what they speak , plus it 's a great place to discuss Wide Awake and Twilight . I 'll post any new ones I read here below this paragraph so come back often , some of these fics I devour in one sitting so I 'm quite capable of adding several in a week . Happy reading to those of you who try this ! Learning To Say No by ShilohPR . Not yet finished and hasn 't been updated in awhile but her notes indicate she hasn 't abandoned anything . Imagine Edward and Bella drinking and hooking up , that 's what you get here . They have a hell of a time talking to one another unless lit up . Some genuinely funny happenings though , I laughed with this one more than any other . Midnight Desire by Twilightzoner . A play on Midnight Sun , with Edward 's " monster " being his horny teenage boy status when it comes to Bella . Also amusing and it made me feel guilty for all those make out sessions with my high school boyfriend , leaving him hot and bothered . Sorry Chad ! The Best Man by Bratty - Vamp . Jasper and Bella are best friends from childhood . She comes back to Forks at his request and he tells her he 's marrying Alice . He sets up a competition between her and his big brother , Edward , for best man in the wedding . Bella 's crushed on Edward since they were kids . Only 6 chapters in but it 's amusing . The Office by tby789 . Porn . Pure porn . There 's really not much Edward and Bella about Edward and Bella in this story but it 's very porntastic . Haha Edward is the boss , Bella is his assistant , they pretty much hate each other . One night he makes a move on her and they have a lot of hate sex . Feelings ensue . Lots of underwear ripping . Edward 's Eclipse by Vixen1836 . Various chapters of Eclipse told from Edward 's point of view , including the first time Bella sneaks off to see Jacob , the engagement scene and the scene in the tent with Jacob . My only complaint with this one is it didn 't cover the kiss and aftermath , though it 's probably a good thing because I would have lost it dealing with Edward 's pain in those moments . Very much Midnight Sun Edward here , loved it . Mr . Horrible by algonquinrt . This one is not the Edward and Bella we have grown to know , not at all . But it might very well be the funniest of the fics I 've read . I don 't even know how to describe it to be honest . Edward is a rich kid with his own internet company and she 's a temp and fanfic writer . She marches to the beat of her own drum and manages to wrap him and his whole family around her little finger . It 's amusing and like in Wide Awake , has liberal use of the word fuck and fucking . I 'm always appreciative of that . Oh , and it includes drag queens and drunken grandmothers . What more could you want ? Cascade & Cyanide by americnxidiot . Bella moves to Forks and is promptly warned to stay away from the psychotic Edward Masen . She 's his bio partner and drawn to his quiet and sad demeanor . She makes an effort to draw him out and help him deal with some deep issues . The Nymph & The Waterfall by Pastiche Pen . Bella moves to Forks and becomes fast friends with all the Cullens , except for Edward . Waterfalls and gnomes are featured . Lots of build up to the romance but in a fun way . Follow You Into The Dark by Guineapigbarbie . Very interesting concept . Bella 's mother leaves her at the hospital at the age of 5 with a note asking for someone to provide her with a family . Carlisle takes her in and she 's raised with all the Cullens , minus Edward who had gone off to work with the Volturi a couple months before she came to them . When she turns 18 he comes home and they fall for each other , naturally . Edward 's work with the Volturi comes into play and Bella winds up in danger . It was a very interesting idea but too short , she used 18 chapters to make them meet and fall in love and establish this problem with the Volturi . Worth a read but will leave you feeling a little sad at what could have been with double the chapters . Carpe Noctem & Fiat Lux by queenofgrey . To say this story has me intrigued would be an understatement . To say that I am craving new chapters and am mad at myself for reading this one before remotely completed is also an understatement of epic proportions . If you like dark and angsty , this is the story for you . Edward moves alone to forks and happens upon Bella working in a bar . He attacks her , causing her injury but not biting her . He bites himself instead . Bella , bored with her lot in life , decides to go confront him rather than turn him in . He calls in the reinforcements and they work on training him to deal with her scent because she 's not going away and he 's not going to either . Bella 's lack of self preservation leads her to keep seeking him out despite the obvious danger . Alice starts acting as a go between and the two start exchanging letters as a form of communication while he works on desensitizing . It 's captivating , really . She appears to be writing and posting quickly at least but like I said , I 'm anxious already for the next chapter . Betwixt by queenofgrey . What can I say , I liked her other story so thought I 'd hit the other one she 's writing . Totally different feel . Alice and Bella become best friends freshman year and Alice tells her their secret . We pick up senior year and Bella is an honorary Cullen , Edward being the only one who dislikes her . Carlisle has found a way to possibily bring back the humanity of the Cullen kids and Bella has to be part of it as the only human who knows their secret . Edward is against trusting her but as senior year chips away he starts to change his mind and let her in . No idea if the Cullen kids will actually become human but it 's another good read . The Burning Shade And The Fading Light by hexumhunnie311 . This one supposes that Bella is the vampire . She and best friend Alice have been hunting bad humans … Alice still has her future seeing abilities and Bella has Edward 's mad mind reading skills . They nearly attack a little girl and decide that they need to get off the blood lust path . Alice has visions and they head to Forks , where they 're drawn to an apartment housing none other than human Edward and Jasper . They are both intrigued but then head to a mansion Alice sees and meet the Cullens and learn about vegetarianism . It 's only 5 chapters long so far but it 's kinda fun to have the shoe on the other foot with Bella being the vamp and Edward being the human . Very little interaction at this point but I 'm sure it 'll ramp up soon . The Blessing and The Curse by The Black Arrow . Dear Lord . Imagine Benjamin Linus playing Edward Cullen . This Edward is a manipulative , controlling , possessive prick . If you thought Edward was possessive in Twilight , haha , well you 're in for a world of shock at a real possessive Edward . Edward and Bella were born 3 hours apart and grew up best friends . He regarded her as his possession and cut short any guy that tried speaking to her as they grew up , either verbally or physically . Fast forward 6 years and Bella returns to Forks because Esme is dying . She 'd helped raise Bella since Renee died when she was 5 and Bella 's there for her . Edward 's there as well and back to trying to make Bella back into " his " . It 's disturbing how he is about her but I will not deny that there 's something hot about it . Rose calls him creepy hot and that 's pretty dead on . I , like Bella , need therapy . Still , really WELL written and quite fascinating . Coming To Terms by GinnyW 31 . In this one , Bella and Edward meet and have an apparent one night stand . She 's transferred to Seattle and finds out that that night led to a baby . She tracks down Edward and he goes from happy to irate over her news . Turns out there 's a past … . etc . This one is near done but not quite . Edward is a complete douche for a lot of the story and as an Edward lover that 's hard to deal with but she does redeem him some and validate some of his reactions . Metamophosis by LivesAmongTheStars . Wow . Just wow . This is the 3rd part of Breaking Dawn written in Edward 's point of view , from Bella 's transformation up til the confrontation with the Volturi . She 's cut off as they show up in the clearing , so there 's probably only 2 chapters left . She captures Edward perfectly and we experience his joy in Bella 's happiness and his angst over the danger to Renesmee . It 's beautifully done and she adds little scenes that bring out more in the characters . Couldn 't recommend it more , hope she updates soon . Bella Swan : Kidnapper by Kambria Rain . This is another funny one . Bella 's a single mom and she runs across a woman yelling at and preparing to hit a couple kids . She takes them , hence the kidnapper . Turns out that their dad is Edward Cullen . Sarcasm and pranks ensue . It 's a fun story that kept me grinning constantly . The Doll House by Kambria Rain . Completely different from her other story , this one is Twilight meets Friday the 13th . Bella and a bunch of the Forks folks all go into the moutains for spring break . There she meets mysterious mountain man Edward . Her friends start dying and disappearing , they 're being hunted . Appearances by most of the main and secondary characters . Tropic of Virgo by In . a . blue . bathrobe . I really enjoy this one . Edward and the rest of the Cullens are in a band , Breaking Dawn , and Bella moves to town . Edward hears her sing and becomes instantly smitten with getting her in the band , then with getting her . Unbeknownst to the two of them , they are communicating on the internet through their blogs , his for song writing and hers for poetry . They communicate back and forth about getting together and cutely Edward is jealous every time she gets a text updating her on a new message from her online pal . It 's a good read , 28 chapters in so far . The Vampire in the Basement by michellephants . I love that I 'm still finding really good stories to read , even though I feel like I 've read about a hundred or more at this point . This is another nominee for the Eddies & Bellies so I checked it out and I 'm entranced yet again . In this one , Bella is friends with all the Cullens , they 're vamps . Alice saved her from an attack by James and that 's how she was brought into their world . One day , Emmett and Jasper and Carlisle find a body lying in the river , they assume it 's a dead human but on closer inspection find it to be a vampire , badly injured . They take him to the basement as he is a potential danger . Bella comes to the house despite orders not to and goes to the basement and finds him and goes to him despite his growling at her and his obvious threat . She 's the only one who can remotely calm him as they try to figure out how a vampire became wounded and starving . Watching Bella and Edward grow closer is just beautiful really , I don 't have any other words for it . Highly recommend it . Just One of the Guys by SorceressCirce . If you ever wanted Edward Cullen to be your boyfriend , and I will admit I have , this is definitely an Edward to have . Bella and Jasper are best friends living together . She has a trauma in her past that makes her afraid of most males . Jazz and Alice start dating and Alice convinces Bella to go to the movies with them and her brother , who is asexual according to her . He was badly hurt in high school and she thinks he 's been away from women since . There is almost insta - love in this one but it works with the characters . Jasper is all kinds of awesome too . Written by an Engish teacher and a good read . Breaking The Silence by SparklingTwilight . I don 't usually throw a recommendation to one that I have yet to finish , but this one is causing me to make an exception . I read another story by this author and like her style and this story has me quite interested . Bella is a foster kid taken in by Esme and Carlisle . She hasn 't spoken a word in 5 years . Renee and Charlie were killed and Bella injured . She blames herself for that and while she has a lot of internal dialogue , she doesn 't speak it but to the reader . She lives back in Forks , where her family lived when she was younger . She used to be best friends with Edward , Emmett and Jasper along with Angela , Jessica , Lauren , Mike and Tyler , but when she returned after whatever happened to her family , she pushed them away by not talking to them . The story takes place right before junior year of high school . Alice moves in next door and befriends Bella despite her lack of speaking . She manages to bridge the distance between Bella and Carlisle and Esme and gets her out of her shell a bit . We find out through Edward 's viewpoint that he truly loves Bella and that none of them know what happened to her or why she won 't talk to them . I 'm 18 chapters in , it 's 75 chapters long and complete ( they are pretty quick chapters though ) and completely captivated . I already adored Alice but I love her all the more here and I feel for Jazz , Em and Edward because they still truly love Bella but don 't know how to reach her . Excellent so far . Interesting and thanks for the list . I think out of all of them , I am most intrigued by Creature of Habit . Another interesting one is the one that is Abbracciara or something . I truly liked both of those very much , in fact Creature got updated yesterday so I have a new chapter to read ! Happiness is mine ! If you 've ever got time on your hands , give them a chance . The thing that works for me is even though Edward is somewhat different , he still feels like Edward to me . That was important . I read a couple where the characters didn 't seem remotely like the ones I loved and those didn 't work for me at all . Did you see on Unicorn that AG posted and said she intends to finish Wide Awake by mid July . That is the one I am looking forward to the most ! I haven 't been a been to read and am missing my Edward . But , since I 've been reading fanfic , he has happily been showing up in my dreams again . lol Ha ! I think he 's appearing in my dreams again as well , god knows I wake thinking about him and hop on the computer and back into fanfiction as quickly as possible . Eventually I 'll have to go back to Twilight and read the original but I 'm having such fun with the alterna - versions that I 'm in no rush . I 've already got a couple more to add , one I read and forgot and another that I just finished . hehe I really should get to work ! Hey I missed ya ! Hope you had a good time . Yeah , I went a little nuts on the fic , I readily admit it . I was going through some health concerns and think all is fine now but it was a good way to keep my mind off myself for awhile . I figured you could pick or choose anything that you might like based upon my descriptions . The funny thing is that I think there are 4 or 5 that I didn 't list because I didn 't enjoy them , so it 's smaller than it could be ! Oh my God you have been busy ! ! There is no way that I will be able to read all of that . You amaze me . I 've read four or five now and have realized that if I read too many I 'm going to get them all confused in my head . When I get emails about chapters being added I have to really think about which s / l I 'm heading back into . So sad . I just finished A Life extraordinary yesterday … finally . I could only read a chapter or two a day on vacation . I loved it . It made me absolutely adore Jasper . Something Stephanie Meyer couldn 't do for me . Anyway , I 'm ready to start another . Do you have a top 5 ? I 'm thinking of trying Carpe Noctem & Fiat or Metamorphosis . You seemed to really like those . Have any other recommendations ? Ha ! I know what you mean , when I get an update I have to think for a minute about which one I 'm talking about . I definitely , wholeheartedly recommend Carpe Noctem & Fiat and Metamorphosis . Carpe , the author actually responds to comments and she 's emailed me a few times . She 's updating at a very quick pace and it 's romantic and angsty and kinda twisted and beautiful . Metamorphosis captures Midnight Sun Edward in a happier place watching Bella adjust to life as a vamp . She adds some beautiful scenes that make things in BD much richer . Couldn 't recommend it more . That one is about 2 chapters from being done and it is a longer read than a lot of them , chapters are lengthy but you already know the story so it 's not like you don 't know what you 're getting . You 're just getting it in a more beautiful voice ! hehe As to the others ? I really like The Blessing & The Curse . A very twisted and manipulative Edward but he 's still hot . I think I have issues but so do a lot of poeple who seem to enjoy it . It 's just very different from anything else I 've read . For humor I recommend Mr . Horrible . The story of " Rich Kid " and " Baby Swan " . It 's very weird but also very amusing . Bonne Foi would be the other one I would recommend for a top 5 . It supposes that Edward reforms from killing humans because of the influence that meeting Bella has in his life . The Cullens don 't come in until much later but it 's interesting . Features a darker Edward than many of them . A Life Extraordinary really was a great read wasn 't it ? I agree , it does really establish Jasper as a wonderful character and I adore his relationship with Bella and his protectiveness of her . I 'm sad that it 's ending soon but I 'm glad to have read it . Lolashoes is an author that I will follow all through her fics I think , I just like the way she writes . Same with QueenofGrey who did Carpe Noctem and Betwixt . Some of these writers are beginning to own me . I continue to read and as I come across more if there 's one that I really want to highlight I will definitely let you know , probably in a comment here just to make sure it doesn 't get through . I have found a few that are New Moon from Edward 's experiences but I haven 't had time or desire to delve into them yet , just cause I assume they will be very depressing and I wasn 't in the mood . I 'll cave on one of those soon though . I found a list of the nominees for the Eddies & Bellies and I 've been trying to hit a lot of those . I 'll be able to do more after I 'm back home tomorrow ! Meanwhile , definitely hit the two you highlighted and consider the ones I mentioned here . Come back and let me know what you think ! You are right about A Life Extraordinary … it was a great read . I too liked the way Lolashoes writes . Very easy to read … and very sexy . I think I read in a A / N that she will be doing a sequel starting in September . I 'm sure to check that out . Anytime ! It 's amazing how I cannot let go of Edward , be it Twilight or fan fiction Edward . All Edwards grab me , even the ones that are jerks . Issues , big issues ! I finished Capre today . It was nice to read some short chapters for once . It seems everything I 've been reading lately was 10 , 000 words per chapter ! It was a good read . It took me a few chapters to get used to her style of writing . I initially didn 't find it as easy to read as some of the others . But , I enjoyed it . I do like me some Darkward for sure . My only issue would be that I thought their declarations of love were a little rushed . They have only written a few letters and been in each others presence for a few minutes . Love … . I don 't know . Infatuation , interest , intrigue … definitely . But , I 've added it to my alerts . I will be following this story for sure ! ! Ha , tell me about it … I just finished one that was 50 chapters and the chapters were pretty long . That was a lot of reading . I think I need a break ! Who am I kidding , I 'll be back at it in a day or two ! I agree , she did move them to love rather quickly but I rather liked that they became infatuated through letters . I do enjoy Darkward as well so perhaps that is why I overlooked it so ? Plus I love that the whole family is trying to help him overcome his bloodlust . I just love when the Cullens work together . I don 't know , it just feels so romantic to me … I 'm not usually that into that kinda thing but Carpe spoke to me . It is a nice quick read and she updates fast so that rules . Okay , I ended up reading Abbracciare il Cantante next . And I really enjoyed it ! You were so right about the ending . It did feel rushed . I would have loved to at least have seen Bella 's reaction to what was happening with Edward . But , that still didn 't lesson my enjoyment of reading previous chapters . I thought Bella had more realistic reactions to Edwards " secrets " . Especially when she found out he was climbing into her bedroom while she slept . I laughed . That was great . Anyway , I 'll let you know when I finish my next fic . I think I might start Metamorphosis . That section of Breaking Dawn ( other than Bell 's transformation ) was my least favorite out of all four books . It 's actually the only section upon reread that I have skipped over twice . Anyway , maybe being in Edwards will make it better ! Oh , and i may have to slow down on my fanfic . My husband was teasing me yet again with my obsession of " sparkly vampires " . He dared me to read a " real " vampire novel . So , it looks like I 'm going to have to pick up Anne Rice in the very near future . See , that ending drove me nuts . It was just so anticlimactic ! I liked the parallel back to the first time he saw her again , of course , but I wanted to see more of what Bella went through or what Edward went through during the whole change . It just felt like maybe she got tired of it . A shame , but still a very good read up until that point . I can assure you that you will like Metamorphosis better than the actual ending of Breaking Dawn . At least the 17 chapters she 's done . Edward 's voice is just better than Bella 's and SM is a fool if she doesn 't finish Midnight Sun and do the other 3 in his voice as well . I read one chapter of one of the New Moon from Edward 's view , when everything was still happy , and it was awesome . I just wasn 't ready to drown in the angst so I didn 't read chapter 2 and beyond ! I will go though , when the mindset fits my mood . Anne Rice huh ? You know I have never read one of her novels ? I 've seen Interview of course but never delved into it . I guess I should some day myself . Hey Lady is actually starting a new site to chronicle supernatural books and she 's asked me to contribute , so maybe I 'll explore them there ! Couldn 't hurt . You 'll have to let me know how it is , though I bet you 'll still want your vamps hot and sparkling ! hehe You are right , SM is a fool if she never finishes Midnight Sun . I know she probably has more money than she can spend , but really , she could sell millions of copies of Midnight Sun . But , money aside , it would be nice if she would give something back to us fans . It is just cruel to tease us with something so great and then pull back . She is probably sick of Twilight at this point and may want to move on , but I read " The Host " , and it was pretty much a fail for me . Yes , Ann rice . I can 't say that I am really looking forward to it , but I did promise my hubby I 'd give it a shot . Plus , it will force me to read something about someone other than Edward and Bella . Although , I 'm pretty sure I 'll be reading Anne Rice and a fic at the same time . I can 't go that long without my Edward fix . Yes , I know I need help . Anyway , my husband said that he wasn 't a fan of " Interview with a Vampire " but loved " Vampire Lestat " . At this point , I 'm a little curious about other Vampires , so I 'll check it out . I 'll let you know what I think when I 'm done . But , it may be a while . Slow reader . Oh , and I am SURE I 'll still like my vamps hot and sparkling ! ! ! It would be very nice if she would give something back . And it would honestly be her best work to date . I didn 't read The Host and I have no interest in doing so , it sounded weird to me . hehe I think she should just embrace the characters that she created that speak to so many people . Did you know , on that fanfiction . net site , that there are over 91 , 000 Twilight fics ? I mean , holy crap that 's a lot ! I have probably read 50 or 60 … just a drop in the bucket . And no , I won 't be attempting to read in the thousands either ! That should tell her just how much people were inspired by her characters . I still hold out hope . hehe Hehe there you go , don 't completely shut out Edward or you 'll go through withdrawal . I swear , when I made myself step away from Twilight for a couple months I really did have a jones on . I 've never done a drug but I felt antsy about not reading about my Edward . So you 're not alone in needing help ! It 's hilarious how engrossed I get in fics just cause the name Edward Cullen appears . So silly really . It 's funny that I never considered reading Anne Rice when I started my vamp reading this summer . I guess I really should think about it … I 'll wait and see what you think tho and take your time , I have plenty to keep me occupied for now ! Okay , I 'm completely struggling through Metamorphosis . I can 't pin point exactly what the problem is . I don 't think it 's the fact that I already know what 's going to happen . Because , I absolutely loved Midnight Sun . I guess I 'm just not getting the emotion from Edward that I was expecting . When I read Breaking Dawn , I almost cried the moment when Bella realized that her attachment to Jacob was only because of Reneseme . And I wasn 't crying for Bella . I could only imagine the emotions that Edward must have been feeling at that moment when he realized a piece of Bella 's heart never really did belong to Jacob . And , in Metamorphosis , I just wasn 't feeling the emotion I expected . Maybe I have read too many other stories from Edward 's pov that blew me away . IDK . I 'm only a few chapters in . I may continue . I took a couple of days off and read The Office instead . I needed a complete distraction from my life . It worked . hehe I also finished the book I was reading , " The Time Traveler 's Wife " . So , I think I 'm ready to start Anne Rice . I 'll keep you posted . Really ? I greatly enjoyed it and thought she had a pretty good handle on Edward . I admit that maybe she did gloss over that part of the story … I think I just liked how happy Edward was watching Bella enjoy her new life . I also liked some additions she threw in , like conversations with Esme about trusting Bella and Tanya about love . I thought she provided a lot more depth than Meyer did in BD . But I do understand your wanting more on the Jacob thing . I think I 'm just so over Jacob 's involvement in anything that I didn 't care so much . So you read The Office ? ? ? HEHE I 'm sure it did provide a distraction . And probably an idea or two . Hilarious ! Nothing like a little hate sex to " distract " us , no ? 🙂 Definitely let me know how Anne Rice is , I might just have to consider it . It occurs to me that I have never actually read Dracula either , perhaps I should rectify that ? See , I haven 't gotten to those conversations yet . I need to continue . And , no , I don 't think I 'm over the Jacob thing yet . I 'm happy to see that in most of the fanfic I 've read , Jacob isn 't involved at all . Thank God ! I think part of my problem is that I am reading it on Twilighted , and the black background with the white lettering is killing my eyes . I get tired easily and keep getting headaches . That isn 't helping . Ooops … I just realized that is what you have here ! ! ha ha . Somehow , it 's never bothered me on your site . Maybe it 's the amount of text I 'm reading over there . Yes , you can 't beat hate sex , or just sex in general to distract . My husband keeps making fun of me for reading my " vamporn " . But , I know he 's not complaining . Ha , I know what you mean on the background . It did get to me after awhile as well . hehe And I 'm sure mine doesn 't bother because I didn 't write a virtual novel here . At least not yet . hehe I get bored with and need to change it now and then but I like my header and am afraid a new theme will mess it up . It is tiring after awhile . I tried to find that one on Fanfiction but it wasn 't there . Whenever I am given the opportunity to choose , I pick fanfiction 's site instead . I don 't get Twilighted , there 's one on there I really want to read called The List but it keeps telling me I have to register to see it . I have registered but it still won 't let me in . Sucks . HA , vamporn ! I love it . And that is truly what The Office is . If you need a break from the angst , I highly recommend Mr . Horrible . It 's the weirdest one I read but it did have me laughing my ass off constantly . Rosalie getting mistaken for a drag queen provided me with no end of joy . Like you , I am not over Jacob , hence the reason I 'm really thinking about doing the fic of my own ! I bet you can guess where it starts without thinking about it very hard ! And I get mad whenever he shows up in a fic I 'm reading , even though Edward and Bella always get together . Loved what you wrote about The Blessing and the Curse ! If you remember , on the fucking cookie eaten by unicorn forum we refer to it as " The Methadone for WA " . Good thing we found that fic , we really needed sth to keep us sane until the blessed moment of the WA update arrives … I finished Mr . Horrible and I loved it . That was actually quite surprising , because after I read the first chapter I wasn 't sure I wanted to continue . But , you said it was funny , so I went on . As soon as I realized she made Bella intelligent , I was okay with it . And I really loved this quirky version her . It was a fun read and made me laugh my ass off . I then read Bonne foi . It 's good , but I was really having a hard time reading about Edward " using " Bella . I am so used to him loving her , falling in love with her … It was somewhat hard to read . Especially since you can see that Bella truly loves him . I guess the last chapter has helped with all of that , but really I just got a weird vibe from this story . Edward killing humans and using Bella , it was almost too much OOC for me . But it was well written . Okay , so you have to stop bagging on The Office ! LOL . Yes it is porn , but no more so that ALE . And it has way more plot that LYLS . All the sex aside , that is one of my favorite stories . I knew you 'd love Mr . Horrible . I know it 's wacky as hell but it 's hilarious and they fit together so well despite being so different . And Esme and the drunk grandmother just kill me , as does Laurent . I really want Laurent to throw them a white trash wedding , it would be epically awesome . Yes , I know Bonne Foi is a very different Edward and I didn 't care for the using aspect either but I thought she kinda showed through it that though he thought he was just using her , he did have feelings for her . The scene where he freaked out on her really hurt but it was a way to tie him into the Cullens so it worked okay for me . I do think it 's well written as well , sorry you didn 't like it as well as I did . I 'm not bagging on The Office . In the get go it really is true porn . I did say the feelings came into play though ! I just wanted it warned that there was a lot of sex . You 're right , there is more of a story than Let Your Light Shine , tho I like that one better cause of the Jasper stuff . I would like her to put more into it but I agree that it is sex heavy . I think The Office has added a few chapters since my initial review and there 's been advancement in the relationship since my first post ! Welcome mallmouse ! I agree , The Blessing & The Curse has been a blessing , hehe , pardon the pun . I 'm dying for the WA finale and I keep checking daily ! I love Unicorn , great place to find more junkies like myself ! A white trash wedding would be awesome ! No matter what the wedding will be like , I can 't wait . Something is bound to go wrong , and I 'm sure it will be hilarious . It 's not that I didn 't like Bonne Foi at all , there were aspects that I liked very much . It was just hard get my mind around this Edward . I almost thought of him as a completely different character . It was just hard to read about him being a total manipulative ass ( in terms of using her for sex ) when Bella was still portrayed as somewhat naive and innocent . Edward in The Office was a complete asshole , but it didn 't bother me because Bella was a total Bitch and could hold her own against him . IDK . Anyway , now that BF 's Edward is more open to his feelings for Bella , I 'm sure I will love future chapters . And if I don 't like the story better , I guess it 's okay if we don 't agree on EVERYTHING … lol . Soul sister or not 😉 Sounds like The Blessing & The Curse is my next stop ! ! And I too am dying for the WA update . I also check my email daily / hourly . But , I am totally prepared to get the email , try to log on to Live Journal but be disappointed because the site is down due to thousands of people trying to log on at one time ! Three more days to Comicon . I hope she holds to her schedule . Hee , well if you don 't like manipulative Edward you might not like The Blessing and The Curse . I wasn 't joking when I said that he reminded me of Benjamin Linus on Lost . He is quite twisted and assholish , though it does appear that it was because he loved Bella and didn 't know how to deal with it . Don 't say I didn 't warn you on this one , cause he is a prick . Rose calls him creepy hot and that 's pretty much my view of him . Possessive , possessive , possessive . Insanely so . It 's very well written though and I 'm looking forward to her psychological exploration of both him and Bella . Hee , yes , the wedding of Baby Swan and Rich Kid is going to be epic even if Laurent doesn 't get to make a jello cake and hamburger helper . Maybe they 'll have a regular wedding and he 'll replace the cake with a concoction ? Maybe Grandma will get drunk and arrested again ? I just hope James doesn 't have a bitch fit , I 've been sick of him / her from the get go ! Still , it 's a hilarious story that is so completely wacky … you see why I didn 't really have the words to explain it . Hee , no we certainly don 't have to agree on everything . I do have to clarify tho , I wouldn 't have The Office on my list here if I didn 't like it . I 've probably read twice the amount of things posted here , some I liked but not well enough to recommend , some I didn 't like , some I quit on . I really do like it and I 'm in to the love / hate thing anyway . They 're hot together ! I can see your issues with Bonne Foi , I definitely get that . I guess I like the thought of Edward the hunter being tamed without even realizing it . He may have initially been using her but he did start caring , even if he freaked out when the " I love you " came into play . You may want to check out the Only Human story by that same author , it 's totally different tone and good Edward . That 's the one where Bella wishes that she could give Edward human experiences and all of a sudden she 's in 1918 and meets Edward Masen and his family . It 's rather interesting . I hope you 're right , I thought Comicon starts this week so I thought she failed on her self imposed deadline but I 'm glad to know there 's still a chance . Poor Rob , he 'll be mobbed next Thursday , won 't he ? I hear he 's supposed to go … oh to be there ! hehe Don 't get me wrong … I do sometimes find manipulative , possessive Edward very hot . I guess you can sign me up for therapy along with you and Bella . haha . But , I guess it boils down to the complete lack of feelings that Edward had in the beginning of Bonne Foi . He literally was doing things just so that he could get in her pants , and Bella would interpret them wrong and call him " sweet " . I think it made her character weak . If he had admitted any feelings for her other than sexual , I would have felt much better . Although , I agree that the idea of Edward being tamed by Bella without realizing is a cool concept . I think a drunk Grandma and Esme are a given for the wedding ! Should be a riot . I 'm also expecting a wedding dress with some combat boots and / or some kind of leggings . I also hope Jamie doesn 't have some bitch fit … . he gets on my nerves too ! I assumed you liked The Office . Really , how could you not ! That sex was just HOT . Ah hem , anyway . And here I thought I was catching up to you on the reading . I should have known better . I can 't believe you 've read twice as much as you 've posted ! ! If I 'm not mistaken , I believe Comicon starts July 22 . I agree with you about Rob . He is going to be completely mobbed . If they thought last year was insane with the 6 , 000 screaming teens , I fear the mania will only be doubled this year . Hopefully he 's getting used to the craziness . It 's one thing to sit in your home and drool over . . er … um . . I mean look at his pictures and appreciate the view . It 's a whole other thing to attack him in person . Hopefully he 's beefed up his security . I fear he will need it . But , ya , I would love to be there ! Well I am quite interested to hear your take on The Blessing & The Curse . It is very twisted and a very dark Edward . She finally had him address something in the last chapter she did and so I feel I have a little better handle on him , although I don 't think his behavior is justified in any way . I think some of these fanfic authors should pay our therapy bills . hehe The author did write me back and agree that she found him hot and twisted as well , so she should understand and contribute to the psych fund ! I see what you 're saying about Bonne Foi , I truly do . I guess I don 't mind Edward acting that way because it 's actually a more normal vampire way to act . I love my sweet Edward , don 't get me wrong , but having an Edward who acts somewhat more like Eric doesn 't bother me either . Cause I think Eric would be like that in that situation , up until he got the feelings too , right ? I choose to think of this Bella as more naive than weak . She was rather sheltered and sadly there are many girls like her on college campuses who give it up to the wrong guy . They just don 't have to tend to worry about getting eaten for their trouble . hehe Oh yeah , she 'll have to wear boots for the wedding . I would like to see her arguing that one with Alice as a matter of fact . Maybe I should do another post with others I read to see if you 're interested in them . hehe They were okay and some of them I even subscribed to without recommending . I put a new one up last night that is 75 chapters ( I 'm on 71 now ) . It reminds me a lot of Wide Awake in some ways but it 's different in ways as well . So if you have some time to kill , hehe , you can hit it . I will say I 've read those 71 chapters in two days , so it 's not that long a read but we 're talking about me . hehe It 's official … . I need therapy . That Edward is hot . Yes , creepy hot , but also just hot . And his possessiveness didn 't bother me . I know , call me fickle . I can 't figure out why I liked one Edward and not the other . Feel free to do another post , but I fear I will never be able to catch up ! Not that I 'm trying . But , I do always appreciate the rec 's . HA ! I am so glad you feel that way . Hilariously , mouse who commented above linked to this blog over on Twilighted ( I 'm honored ! ) and pointed out my I need therapy line . It is so true . That Edward is just hot . Disturbing but hot . Possessive but hot . Possibly psychotic but hot . I am glad for her last chapter at least showing a little humanity in his fucked up behavior , it makes me feel a little better . Still , I feel several of these fic writers should contribute to my therapy fund . It 's only fair . Well , instead of me doing another post of Twilight fanfic , how about I do my own fic post ? Yes … I have written two chapters and they have both been deemed acceptable by Tripp and rameau , so I guess I 'm going to run with it . I 'll be putting chapter 1 up sometime today and I 'll try to do a new chapter every 2 - 3 days as long as the story is flowing . I think you , in particular , are going to appreciate the start of the story … I know you feel as strongly as I do about where I begin so I 'm pretty sure you 'll approve ! Oooohhh , I am so excited to read your fic ! ! I think it is awesome that you sat down and actually wrote it ! ! I am so looking forward to this . If I 'm not mistaken , I think Jacob will be put in his place … that 's my guess anyway . So , is your Edward going to be possessive hot or just hot ? My guess if you are going to be redoing Breaking Dawn ( ? ) that he will just be hot . ha ha . Can 't wait to find out . Are you posting it only here ? Hee , well I am nervous as to the response but so far so good from what I 've shared with people . Yes , you can rest assured the Jacob situation is going to be handled in a totally different way ! Of course , I think you 'll be most partial to chapter 2 . Right now I 'm doing some alternating viewpoints so we start with Bella in the situation and then cut to Edward in chapter 2 . I 'm only going to do that a bit at the beginning because I really don 't want to do the same thing twice , I just think it 's important to establish both of their thoughts on the situation in the beginning , then I 'll spin it out even more . Then chapters will be written in whatever viewpoint makes the most sense . For now I will post it here … I 'm having Tripp teach me how to create a new section on the blog for fanfiction , hence the new look you see . I couldn 't have done it with the other one I was sporting ! Plus this will be easier on the eyes . If the story seems to be going well and you guys like it , then I 'll look into putting it on fanfiction and maybe Twilighted . I wanna wait a bit on that though just to make sure what I 'm doing works . You guys will keep me honest ! Ago , Don 't believe a word she says . Partial to chapter 2 ? Please , as if Nole knows anything about Edward Cullen or to write for him … I can 't do it . I can 't lie even if I tried . Even if I 'm not a fan , Nole surely does know her Edward and I 'll be surprised if by the time this fic is done she hasn 't converted me too . Though the things she 's promised to do with Jasper will probably keep me in check . Hee , the link is up now , Tripp walked me through how to post it so hopefully it 's all good . I would love to convert you into being an Edward liker … honestly Midnight Sun made me an Edward girl and I 'm trying to write that version of Edward as well as my interpretation of who he is . I will do my best via Jasper for you ! Okay , so I haven 't updated you on what I 've been reading in a while . Don 't know if you care or not , but really , I have nobody else to talk to about it . lol . Anyway , last week I ended up reading " Breaking the Silence " . And I agree that it started off really good and was very promising . But , around chapter 50 it totally lost me . First of all , it was at least 25 chapters too long . Second , when she started spelling out in every paragraph ( multiple times ) what everyone was supposed to be learning from their experience , it was a bit of an over kill . Plus , the relationship Edward had with his mom really started to bug me . At first it was nice to see he was close to his mom , but really when he started to discuss his relationship with Bella all the time with her it got a little weird . It 's hard for me to see a teenage boy being that open with his parents . They were all a little too lovey for me . So , I ended up skimming the last 15 chapters for dialogue that would give me an idea of what was happening . After reading 60 chapters , I was too invested to just stop . But , I couldn 't wait for it to be done already . In the end I was disappointed . But , there are so many other fics out there . No big loss . I then read " The Submissive " because I 've read so many saying it was one of their favorites . It was quite the experience . Not sure I 'm up for " The Dominant " . That story is seriously WAY out of my comfort zone . Really well written though . I just finished " Just one of the Guys " . I really liked that one . I 've added it to my alerts . Although , I am getting a little tired of reading stories where Bella has been abused . IMO , nobody has written a story like that better than AG . Even though , I thought this one was well written as well . So , now I 'm off to find my next story . I tried reading " Interview with a Vampire " . I got 20 pages in and am bored to tears . It reads like a text book … just a series of events . No emotion . I 'm trying to figure out if I want to continue or not . In the meantime , I have plenty of fics out there to keep me occupied ! I definitely care ! I 'm really glad we 're keeping this blog going , honestly and I love to talk about the various fics here . Have you tried Vampire In the Basement yet ? That 's one I really liked quite a bit and it 's not an abusing Bella story . I will very soon be doing another post with some I 've read recently so maybe you 'll find some of those appealing too . I could not agree with you more on Breaking the Silence . I should have come back and added commentary after I finished it . I still liked it , but it was too long and she didn 't get too explanatory and I got a lot annoyed that it took 6 months for Bella to talk to Edward again . 6 months ? Was that really necessary ? I also thought she was overly hard on Alice , who I thought was a really good friend throughout the whole thing . I read both The Submissive & The Dominant and like you , not really my cup of tea . Well written I guess , but I thought the big secret that Edward was freaking out about was totally stupid . Though the whole S & M thing is not for me , I would recommend The Red Line one more than those , even though it 's far more violent . The story was more compelling . I 'm glad you liked Just One of The Guys . I adored that one because Edward was so awesome and so was Jasper . I agree that nobody does abused Bella better than WA but I thought that one was really well done . Ha , so Interview is not doing it for you , huh ? I have never really felt a need to read it or any of her stuff , vamp obsession aside , and maybe that 's why ? Maybe I just picture Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt in bad makeup when I think about it ? I dunno , but if you say it 's boring then I believe you . Oh , the other one I really liked that I don 't think you 've read yet is Tropic of Virgo . The one where they 're all in a band . So I gave you two possibles to check out , plus I 'll do another blog with more this week / weekend ! Okay , so I read both Vampire in the basement and Tropic of Virgo . I enjoyed both , but I loved Tropic of Virgo . I read the whole thing yesterday and I think my husband was about to kill me . I couldn 't put it down . She had me at the end of every chapter wondering if the next one would be when they found out about Debussy _ 88 and Ordinary _ girl , or if it would be the chapter when they would admit they were in love . The two were infuriating with the lack of communication , but I guess that is the reason I couldn 't put my stupid laptop down . Anyway , it was great . I can 't wait for more chapters . I also enjoyed The Vampire in the basement . I think the story is one of the most creative that I 've read . And it seems the author has taken the time to try and make his reactions " realistic " . LOL . I 'm not sure realistic is the best word to describe a story about a Vampire . But , the progress is slow , as it should be . The love story is really sweet . My only issue is that I miss the " hot " Edward . I 'm not used to envisioning Edward as weak … in any way . He even looks different in my mind . I know he 's not supposed to , but he just does . But other than that , it 's a good read . I 've been in update heaven that past couple of days . Wide Awake was awesome ! I seriously cried when I read the last paragraph . I am so going to miss Edwards dirty mouth . The whole thing was just perfect , imo . I was so worried after the wait that I had built that story up in my mind too much , but I didn 't . The last three chapters were as awesome as the other 49 . Can 't wait for the epilouge . But , we also got the update for ALE , The office , and I just got one for TB & TC . I have to go read that now ! ! I feel like it 's Christmas morning . Each chapter is like an unwrapped gift ! I was so hoping my obsession would get better , but it seems to be getting worse ! ! Hee , your husband is going to have a real hate on for me , then , isn 't he ? I 'm going to do another fanfic post tonight I think . I have plenty more I 've read , so we 'll see if any of those tickle your fancy . Isn 't Tropic of Virgo fabulous ? I just love those two kids ! Their reactions to one another in real life and on the internet was just so cute . And I love how their relationship has evolved . And I truly loved the revelation . You 're extraordinary … . hello spark ! So cute ! I was so proud of her in the last chapter for being able to sing and Edward for staying and then saying the big " I love you . " I wish James would get his but I 'm hoping it 's still coming ! I get what you 're saying about Vampire In the Basement . It is weird to see Edward so broken and ineffectual . I can only hope that whenever whomever was keeping him appears , he 'll have found his strength . He 'll probably find it to protect her . Like you , I think it 's one of the more original ones I 've read . I love that the human is the only one to reach him , when humans were the people torturing him for all those years . It 's really rather beautiful . Wide Awake … yes , I adored the final line ! hehe I thought the Epilogue would be up by now but alas , it 's not . I 'm not really wanting it to end but I 'm still dying to see how it does . I agree that the last few chapters have been continually awesome . I got those updates as well , it has been a good few days . Even though I have read too many fics and have to remind myself now and then what I 'm getting an update for , I absolutely adore opening my email and seeing something from fanfiction . net . hehe It almost feels like stories are getting written just for me or something . Blessing was awesome , of course , I 'm sure you 'll enjoy the update . He 's getting to her ! You know why I read it , don 't you ? I had to find some inspiration … not sure it worked though . Why wont you tell me 😉 Thanks for the fic rec , I seem to be running out of fics to read . How could that have happened ? I 'm actually glancing at reading lists from some of my fave authors now , figure if I like them I might like what they like . hehe Hi , I don 't remember if she was already hurt or not . She has dreams about her family , many siblings . There was this chapter where after she 's turned , she watches a mother and daughter then jasper is there . Please ! Help a girl out . Does anyone know what I 'm talking about ? I 've been looking for about a few years now . I think it is located in http : / / www . Fanfiction . net . She isn 't a teenager but a kid , she is what is known as Eternal child or something . But there known as an abomination . Sadly I 've never heard of that but I " ll run this for you and see if anyone does . Sounds different anyway ! Good luck finding it !
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JavaScript is currently disabled . Obsidian Portal has a lot of really cool features that use JavaScript . You should check them out . We think you 'll have a much more enjoyable experience . Making for City ACDL , in the 32nd district of Marathon , a ruin , and has been abandoned since the establishing of the alliances of mars . From there he plans to take Orphero and Phaedean 's remains to the abandoned research dome - complex MachG - 007 . It is far out , in american territory of Mars , hours from the metropolis of Revere ( new boston ) . Respite was a loose definition of the transfer to Demodocus . The base was smaller than even Antioch , less manned and possibly more remote by less official specifications . More people likely inhabited the Faroe Islands than Greenland , and there were more villages , but the base was deeper and not truly even connected to the landmasses nearby . Yuuki would hate the place ; many of the ceilings and walkways were of the more recent Opentech , using bionano reinforcement to a living polymer that acted like glass by being clear and liquid , but shifted itself constantly and with intelligence necessary to maintain and grow itself . The whole of the vast sea was invisible , and the light of the sun shone not even as a haze glow . Invisible , that distant roof some two - and - a - half miles away with its fish and whales and life and the islands that moored there . The short walks were usually kept lightless , though there were dim tracks along the edges to be keyed on if they were wanted . Light attracted attention . But it wasn 't this that struck him as inimical to the young warrior . Rather the palpable feel of the water , the weight of its dark presence in the back of the throat that sat in his sinuses and made breathing shallow for his three assistants who had agreed to come along . It was a place so deep that it became akin to the lack of presence of space . Only the mecha in the close hangar provided a slow , ponderous way out as necessitated by the sporadic pauses required for the equipment and the human body to adjust to the levels of pressure . Each Brondal - class could carry six passengers , and there were three . 17 people made up Caduceus ' entire world . Four of the Crew had been stationed at Demodocus for a year , prior to their arrival , carrying out research on pressure resistant technology for the partition exodus to the dwarf planet of Pluto . They were drear , quiet folk who had become somewhat incestuous in their isolation . The few soldiers that had come , a set of twins and a transfer from Antioch , had quickly removed themselves from any association with the ' natives ' . It was only a matter of time before they all followed suit . It wouldn 't be as limited a pool , but most humans gravitated at some point in their dealings with tension and environmental restrictions by turning to sexual relief . It would all work out well , regardless of the isolation of Dr . Beorwith , Veldwore , Massonway and Massonway . Their foursome was established and well working . His assistants may find the soldiers beds . Kilkenny reached down and curled a lock of gold around his fingers . Caduceus was ' sleeping ' , more because he enjoyed being still , quiet , and heavy with the feel of his Creator 's lap beneath him then actually needing the activity . It was massively unusual for an AI of any kind to not only weather periods of little interaction , let alone relish them . On the whole , Caduceus was a study in the sheer amount of possible residual effects a given body could have on the cyborg or potential AI it housed . " Caesar ? " The mumble was preceded by a soft moan , and the ' r ' was almost wholly dropped . It would always be a regret that he could not see the colour of blue that opened up at him , nor read the expression there . Relying on the native AI , Precia , to collect data on the expanding use of expressions was dodgy at best . Caduceus had learned to move like a human outside of training exercise , but deliberately moved fast enough to catch the retreating hand , " It is not disturbing . " But instead of back to his hair , Caduceus brought the captured hand to his collar , petting the fingers flat along it . Touch me . Kilkenny decided he may have been too quick to judge that contemporary interest in his affections was not active . The AI was still , waiting , without breath or heartbeat to warn others ' intuition . They had finished the exposures to the college baccalaureate levels three days ago regarding the developmental knowledge of social behaviors and academic learning . " You 're wondering if I do not start to move my hand because I do not want you . " " You want me to make love to you , or to be made love to . But you haven 't decided which . You don 't have the necessary function , Caduceus . Your Jehova 's Apple is designed to instigate a serotonin release when good sources touch you , or caress you , but you cannot get erect or ejaculate . There is no release . Kilkenny smiled , startled . It was a precise conclusion , perhaps arrived at before the decision to try anyway . The development was happening unprecendently fast . Risks . " No , I don 't want you to be hurt if I can come and you can 't . " You never say what you want or think . You stay at a professor 's remove from the subject . Passionate , pointing out all the angles , but never what you yourself believe . " No , not subject . That is dangerous and close to old paths through that brain . " As a father to son , I want you to become strong , clever , wise and patient . Exemplary . But your own skills must be developed for that . I am sorry you feel distanced from me . I do love you , Caduceus . I was just lamenting that I cannot see you . How many men get to spend every day with such a creature ? Something so beautiful and quick , and speak with it and teach it . I do not want to hurt you . I always worry that I may . It was usual , all the circumstances and signs , that Caduceus would come to love his ' father ' . The AI shifted again , up to hands and knees from the feel of the weight distribution . His long fingers brushed on either side of Kilkenny 's thighs . " I am ready for this . It hurts more to not touch you . A shift in weight again and long fingers slid along Kilkenny 's jaw and pet back until the steady hands cupped his face . Caduceus shifted nearer , straddling his lap . " Let me receive you , Caesarian . " Exposing him to all the aspects of human life through high school and college may have been a mistake on my part . It had been years since anyone had touched him so earnestly or gently . The rush of heat to his cheeks and lips was embarrassing , the rush to his groin , dizzying . " You 'll be very good at seduction . " Caduceus leaned in so that Kilkenny 's chin was rested on the dip between his own and his lower lip . His words brushed soft against the doctor 's thinner lips . " Seduction has the implications of multiple lovers . " Where did you learn that ? It was an unusual way to speak , creative . Kilkenny closed his eyes . That was fast . From ' waking ' , to brief words , and now he is straddling me . What happened to that lesson ? Where did that go ? Parroting was the correct response , but on - board systems indicated that it was , in fact , late evening . The phrase was facetious , hints of fruity sarcasm and genuine pleasure mixed with personal pride and sense of accomplishment . It was more precisely ' You 're awake . " Pointing out the discrepancy served nothing but annoyance , and being awake at all was something of a victory . The lab was different , mostly because it wasn 't the lab at all . Dr . Ozaki 's fat face was haloed with incandescent light . The ceiling wasn 't cold , glossy tiles , but translucent , living granite that had been patterned ostentatiously with knotwork and precious metals . There was a faint flashing , like a someone using a red laserpointer to morse code his brain through his visual feed . His claws ' locks clicked in his fingers with the Safety mode . Do not harm or injure Amakusa corp employees . Hideo was going . Tsubasa felt cold and impersonal in his looming as he directed the chair from behind . They were going back to his room . If he were at a park the carnie would guess his weight 30 lbs over . He wasn 't really in a hover chair . He was a floating seed , curled , being ushered down a metallic hall by a man - made angel . He had been making out with Hideo , after crying , after all that . The Thing was being loaded onto a ship , Grayson was a demon or who knew what with no chance of anything , and he had been snogging a man . Everything was perfect . Perfect in every way . Maybe the metal walls and sliding doors , solitary confinement , cafeteria and soldiers … it all was perfectly matched with a high security funny farm . They 'd been talking about rape and hell , reincarnation and a dead demon , or something , like it was all the most normal shit in the world . Hideo had laughed . More then that . To the sound of the door sliding open , Tsubasa laying him on his bed , he felt the sicky , bile ball rise in his throat . The seraph had a waste bin in front of him the moment he shifted to try to get off the bed . There wasn 't much there , the chirashizushi bits and tea . Tsubasa pet between his shoulders . What the hell was that supposed to mean ? Yeah , he could be gutted again and laying in his own intestine again . He wasn 't going to complain about some dry heaves , other then it Fucking Hurt . When things Hurt , you expressed that fact if you weren 't trying to prove your balls of steel to someone . " Delilah , replicator , muscle relaxant quick release . " Tsubasa had retrieved the air - injector from the replicator tray before Yoshi 's eyes , even with their augments , could record the motion . The nozzle was pressed , cold , to his belly . Like a gun to the already inflamed wound that had festered while Dr . Chen had hauled him along . He could have died then . Should have . He wouldn 't have to be dealing with all this shit if he had . He would have gone out after a gun fight , after seeing Hideo again and knowing that Rana and Damocles and San were being carted off to whatever new life was beyond the tunnels of Undercity . He had just been with Kitten . He 'd been really confused , but kinda happy . " The fuck ? " He didn 't need another pep talk . And there was no way he was going to end up kissing Tsubasa . Not like Tsubasa wasn 't one of the kingpin freako 's in the joint . " It isn 't that simple . " Yoshi hit him , as hard as he could , across his face . There was a smear of blood from some opened knuckles , but Tsubasa wasn 't surprised or phased . He probably could have dodged it . Just because it was true , didn 't mean it needed said . He hadn 't ever fucked with Tsubasa . " So is that what you 're going to do ? Can you just accept your shit and move on ? What the hell is your deal , anyway ? I didn 't say ' hey , Tsubasa , get up in my shit and be my fucking councilor . ' " I 'm not gay , Yoshi . " Tsubasa stood , and took the waste bin to the sink to rinse while the yakuza flopped over on the bed again . " I haven 't fully accepted what has happened , no . But at least I know I have to . You didn 't know and are just circling around , like a lost pigeon in a mall , with your grief . Oceans moved with the tides , drawn by moons . Unseen puppet strings to lead them along sandy roads . Passed dead man 's crabs and bodies , sunken ships , coral graveyards and fish with halos . Lantern to lure the unwary . Light was a lie . Light - blind , the teeth behind were invisible until the jaws were already shut and the hot wet running down kicking legs and struggling ribs . Sand stuck in wounds and caked . Drowned . The drowned men were dead men . Scratching ? Came a scritch scritch crash upon the chamber and it shook his bones . The crunching bones , his own ribs gnawed out from inside Quiet . It had crawled in and he could not stop it . Crash . again . Rock fell but did not hurt , had no weight underwater to impede the great steps that vibrated through the floor . It was no man . A demon , real , had come . He was damned . Gathered , gathered . Lifted up like hands thrust into fallen petals and there was still no sound but the bull - breath of the living evil that crouched . Shadowed ? There was a boy … girl ? Boy ? There . Painted soft and whiteRed hues and dressed for Murasaki 's tea and Igo . Oh , it stirred , stretched . Why did they speak ? His jaw would come off with much more and he would not sing again , unless the dead could . Hideo , he could smell Hideo . He wanted to kiss him again , with unmarred , memory lips and feel him warm and hard beneath him . In him . To hear that old name said with neither an r or an l , harsh in the deeps of inaka Japanese throats and yet melodious . Like the name itself was a supplication . Wrapped in white feathers and light , and loved . Free and loved as more then a technical achievement , a soldier , a teacher … he had been just himself . It hadn 't mattered what that self was , it was simply allowed and prayed to with staff and mantra . Rhythm , heat , tears and seed . The whole complex referred to him now as ' the oni ' . There wasn 't even a pretense of genetic humanity , whatever a computer could have argued , and he had to agree with that . ' Phenotypic differences ' was a catch phrase that kept scrolling from what they called Delilah in debate with Dr . Eidokan and Dr . Wellsworth . He though it meant something to the effect of the differences being skin deep . It was a load of shit , and anyone with eyes in their head could tell that much . Which may be the problem for the AI , it had neither a head , nor eyes . Cameras didn 't really count . Having a body must make a difference , just from the sheer difference in output and input interfacing . Shiroishi thought everyone must have some of the same questions . What were Oni , exactly ? What made them different ? What could they do differently ? No one wanted to leave it at a ' if you see one , you know it is one ' . They all wanted a definition , like from a book or screen , that could tell them what to expect from the creatureman that stood more solid then the gate the military men had podged together . He was thinner then he should be . Whatever hard times had stripped Yuuki - sama had done the same to the giant . It was an ongoing siege , too , since he couldn 't have been eating enough since then in the ration conditions of the complex . Japanese would never take more then their share ; they were raised with the survival of the group over the needs of the individual . It was only a half - correct way of thinking , really . Pack was necessary , and more successful as a means of survival , but hierarchy had its demands … the weak and useless should get less . In famine , they would die and the others wouldn 't be burdened . The strong should not starve for their benefit . Hideo had collapsed a week and two days before . Rana had not eaten or taken drink in five days . His ribs were plain like walls stripped to corrugation . He seemed like something out of a dream , hard - knot muscles rendered extreme in wood and set outside some shrine . He had been taken to a shrine by his grandmother when he was five . He couldn 't remember much , but the statues outside had frightened him . They weren 't real , and neither was the oni in the gate some thirty feet away . Dr . Wellsworth insisted that humans could only live for a week without water , even though he also insisted that Rana was not a human . They should make up their minds faster . How often did oni have to eat ? How the statues and Rana looked seemed the normal image . Were they usually starved ? Was it starvation ? Maybe they could go longer times without eating or drinking , if they came from far reaches . There might not be abundant resources . He was certain they ate people . People , at least , could be plentiful . Wars would be harvest . What did they eat the rest of the time ? They did have an answer that Oni could stand awake , alert , and on guard longer then humans . Rana had taken no drugs , but for five days he 'd been standing there looking evil and was perfectly alert to whether anyone dared approach to interrupt . He didn 't speak much , but would order that " proximity is dangerous . " So oni could go for a long time without sleep and keep working . They could last at least 5 days without food or water . They were huge . They were stronger then humans . They live in caves and have claws that can cut stone . This one , at least , was territorial . More then a thousand years ago Kazutaka Muraki had been forgotten . How his deranged mother had dug up a millennium old , middling porno manga he would never know . Even less how she had developed a crush on the antagonist to the degree that it had become an obsession . Mother . She hadn 't wanted a son , she had wanted a lover . Somewhere in that rotted brain of hers their blood relation had either slipped awareness or didn 't matter . At least her obsession had meant there was plenty of material present in the house to discover who he was made to be . Who he didn 't want to be . He hadn 't killed anyone . Still . The veneer was cracked , though . While some languished in the developmental and social deprivation of isolated living , he had relished it . No one touched him except in martial practices . No one was his friend . No one was his lover . All the latent psychotic episodes - waiting - to - happen had been safely averted and kept at bay . He was not Muraki , whatever appearances might argue . He had his own name , his own life , and he was living almost normally . There were stained hands flatted against his chest in the shadows of dreams . Shaking , bloody fingers . Yuuki was before him , laid flat on a table and his legs were wrapped around … Muraki 's … hips . It was not himself . It could not be . Yuuki 's arms were tourniqueted . Slow - leaking slits up from armpit to wrist . No wonder his hands shook . The will alone to move his arms was delicious , and he took him harder in those moments , feeling heat against his own thighs and the act smoothen as Yuuki choked . He was bleeding inside now . Such dreams . He shook he head . How long had he been staring at the wall terminal ? Everyone must know it was over . He may as well be calling yuuki by that other name , tsuzuki was it ? He couldn 't remember . It must be why Yuuki appeared on no searches , no inquiries turned up his name , location , anything . He was hidden somewhere within Babylon , but blessings and curses , he was kept from his sight . Maybe he would be lucky and die in a mission outside . He had put in to be sent to Mars , let them be merciful and grant it . He was tired of shadows in the night , the waking in a hot sweat with his heart pounding and a painfully full erection . Tired of the empty release of his own hand . The council wouldn 't give him Yuuki , and he didn 't , in what was left of him , want to hurt the other man who had considered bedding him . No one else would have him . Being alone was just madness now , and he needed it to stop . He needed to die , and he hoped honourably . Doing something good … saving someone or something instead of tearing it apart . Follow along the blue path , he 'd been blue chipped . There were two women ahead of him ; he thought they were women . There was one woman behind him . What was the blue chip ? Was he the male control ? Seleno made designer medications , cosmetics and feminine needs products . A group of nearly all women might mean one of the latter industries was to be his home . Terror leaded in his legs . Inoue fell , tripping the girl behind him with his ribcage . She screamed as she fell , and kicked back . She was angry . He lay still , and hoped her storm would pass over , given no response . " What 's wrong with you ; can 't you even walk ? " She hissed back , getting up again . Kicked again . His forearms guarded his head , so it was his stomach that suffered . She would be one of those , the angry - bitch alphas . Angry in fear . She would make the others afraid to make herself feel more secure . He saw her hands twitching , nails clipped short moments ago in the Grooming Room . " Don 't you know ? " " Didn 't you hear ? " The front two women lightly touched BitchAlpha 's arms . They had been in a nearby car to his . They had seen him in Desire 's arms when the tram had come . Inoue flushed , pushing onto his knees . They had seen , and heard . It was a good excuse , at least , but it didn 't actually hurt badly . It was a pain he wished wouldn 't leave . He didn 't want to forget him . He didn 't want to forget those last pleasant moments in his life . The first two girls obviously thought it was hot . They were cooing to BitchAlpha , whispering and giggling about something to cool her . Inoue got up , brushing off his knees . He was taller then all of them , stronger still , he bet . He could challenge this starting superiority . It would be three - on - one . " We should get going . They 'll expect us in pen faster then this . " He passed them all , mentally drawing the lead to his knees . Let it swing , pendulums to keep him moving . " Don 't dawdle . " The women looked annoyed , but returned to their line some steps away from him . It wouldn 't be bad to just be out of the group either . He didn 't want a pack . Social desperation was tired and old back on manufacturing in Reddigar ESI . He 'd been a comfortable Gamma . But there , in their refineries , the packs served to shore each other up . Friends covered shifts if members were wearing too thin . He couldn 't imagine any actual benefits of being part of the group structure . Just preventative measures . Being outside of the group meant being the enemy - a distinctly female group trait . Well , he had a penis anyway . Glass and mesh doors loomed into view , at least twelve feet in both height and width . They slide often with a hiss of air once he was within three feet . The blue line continued in and right again . The air smelled stale and recycled by two many filtration systems . It smelled like bleach water and sterility . Four cyborgs in white coats waited , discussing something over their network . Their eyes were too intent , even if their mouths were not moving . Four blue circles of light were on the ground . He took the first , stood still and looks at his own feet . Once the three women had filled the last three circles a voice announced invisibly from the ceiling . " The last two days the subjects have been processed and coded . We thank you for your cooperation in providing your genetic information . Today subjects will be assigned to their individual projects . " It had been too much to hope that they would be told what the experiments being run on them were . Were the cyborgs orderlies ? They were not lovely to look on , strictly functional models , not form serving . Average faces , maybe scientist employees who weren 't Ivy League material . Augmentation may have been a job requirement in having accepted appointment at Selenos ' off - world labs . The cyborgs stepped forward in unison . He decided they would be Curly , Moe , Larry and Shep . Shep stepped up to him . Shep was tall , about 6 ' 7 with his digitigrades - leg replacements . He was probably the Enforcer , stronger and faster then the others , so they naturally assigned him to the male . The chauvinism seemed dripping . The floor director or project manager must not have been from the Liberty 's Front Union . He could remember his father , ass , joking about the " LFU - Looking For Underwear " . The ass ' best friend , Harvey Shichiro , said countries that joined had caught the " FLU " . Neither were very witty jabs , but they offended well enough . " Take the subjects to the workstations and begin applications . " Shep stepped once to the side , opening and indicating with a hand for him to go first . This would be less painful if he was cooperative . BitchAlpha didn 't move , and Larry clamped on her wrist with a not - hand . He lifted her straight up , her shoulder dislocated with an audible pop , and dangled her all the way to the vice chair about twenty feet away . Inoue was already moving , stepping along the line opened by Shep . He wasn 't hesitant and all , but he couldn 't go fast . Shep accepted this . Maybe everyone knew . He didn 't like the look of the vice chair . It was the bastard offspring of a Victorian asylum strap job with a dental appliance . Tattoo parlour was thrown in on the side : a sizable hose and needle attachment arched off the left side . He laid face down , there was a hole to let him breath , like he was any normal man come to a chiropractor or masseuse for an appointment . Shep 's knees ground as the hydraulics lowered him to a more sitting - like position . The pillars of a station dimly shined in the dark of the tunnel . There was only the soft green emergency light along the edges of the track , a warning to long ago passengers in the case of power outages of where the ledge and tracks had been . Don 't fall off . Only half of the lights weren 't broken , but it was more then they had had for the last seven hours . Some of the platform was collapsed , a good enough staircase of rubble to make it up . His legs hurt worse as the air his them , the sludge drying on the skin and some chemicals no doubt activating with access to oxygen and biological . He switched to deep breathing , pushing the sensations away . It was instinct to draw away from his legs , but that was do worse harm . He pushed his chi out , feeling stone lead his feet . Humans could poison mountains , it was true , could rot the earth , but it would take them centuries … . . and even then the bones of rock would still remain , steadfast , if bare of forest or life . The platform was bleak . The subways of the second sublevel and below had been abandoned for at least three hundred years . Periodic flooding from above , constant chemical erosion and the physically expressed pain of the detritus of passing humanity had been unkind . The pillars that lifted the ceiling were skinned of tiles , the floor was pocked and an indeterminate black brown . Filth . There were rusted bits and remains of what may have been plastic waiting seats closer to the edge . Chen moved passed , towards the back wall . The architect had wisely chosen to make a ledge , to serve as a more durable and easily cleaned seat , out of the same cement as the wall itself . Both had many tiles missing and broken , but it would serve . He laid Yoshi down , petting his hair . " Do you still have the transmitter , Yoshi ? " He honestly didn 't care . They needed help , and it was the only help they could reach , if it still existed . He fished in Yoshi 's hip holster . The gun hadn 't left the boy 's hand since they 'd left the PoonTang Act a day ago . It was the size of a shirt button , titanium and blue LED . " It 's already blinking … ? " It had been hours . No one was coming . Chen folded his hands together as in prayer , kneeling next to the cement block - bench . It was tripped . Its been sending out signals for hours that either party could pick up . What is Amakusa waiting for ? Yoshi - The boy 's eyes were closed , his lips drawn back a little from his teeth . He was still breathing . Chen set the transmitter down . Its periodic blue light made them both look like ghosts . Then he noticed the face . A young man was standing , half visible , half merged with the pillar nearest them . His skin was sickly , cement grey and pulled smooth . Chen could feel his own heart stuttering with galloping . His voice came out like a command . " Who are you . " It didn 't sound , somehow , like ' They ' meant the allies of Babylon . He didn 't like Kuge , he seemed as mad as most mutants . A wild dog that may break its leash . " What do you mean . " Chen turned on his heel ; the darkened stair that led up had a light . He couldn 't see , after so long . He could hear their steps though . One limped , one booted , but the soles were worn , the last wore metal . Perhaps a crude , back - alley cyborg , a garage construct . " We mean no harm , we are just passing , resting . The lantern light wasn 't helping . He could make out their silhouettes now , but it would take fifteen minutes before his old eyes adjusted . He hadn 't practiced blind defense in a long time . If there was a cyborg , it might have speed augments . He could feel them draw close , then the chain bag over his head . A Garrote . Skank had congealed in his nose , choking breath to snoring , and as he coughed a mucus like a second skin peeled off his throat and coated his tongue . Chen spat , rolling on his side . He couldn 't stop until he was clean . The membranes of his sinuses and throat rebelled against the grime . Someone was nearby , but it wasn 't Yoshi . Had he died ? What had happened to them both ? The world was too blurry through his watering eyes . The tears must have been black with how much they burned . They were too swollen . His audience watched or waited . White Noise . The name came back with a goosebumps . Chen swore when the flesh of his legs pinched . He forced his thick tongue to work , " Is this White Noise . " Another male , not very young , by the gravel in the voice . Which of the obvious questions should follow first ? Would he get answers ? " Where is my companion ? " Chen 's mouth pulled into a tight line . They 'd have to do more then that if they wanted to exchange information . This was a probe . They seemed to take the hint , and he heard a door . It was quiet and empty then . Waiting was boring . It wasn 't particularly awful in general , since he could always run diagnostics , programs , or play with his digipets . He was glad he had brought them , though he 'd had to hack and assign new user information , ISP addresses and all other traceable source information . He also could re - scenario the art of his doujinshi in his head . He 'd looked at them enough times that he had a complete evaluation of the artists ' styles . He could draw the way they did , if he wanted . But he was happy to just choose and artist and make moving cinemas in his head . He hadn 't needed to keep the hard copies , but there was something more permanent about having the thing . A hard copy , on paper , was dangerous . It had to be shredded , burned , eaten away with acid ; it had to be found before it could be destroyed . A hard copy couldn 't be disseminated as fast as a single click on a screen , but it couldn 't be deleted that way either . Real documents could be copied , touched , read , and loved . The very pages could hold marks of his existence , or others . The oil form a person 's hand sunk into a page 's fiber . A dog ear to note a place where there was a pause or that someone wanted to come back to . A real book was a collection of lives and moments of them , not just the magic that was written in ink on the leaves . So he kept them , in his bag , on his lap or on his back . No one bothered his bag , they didn 't seem very curious as to what an AI in a dead body could possibly value to carry along into a new life . Life ? Living space ? It was silly to call it life . He wasn 't alive , by most international definitions . He wondered how that fact in itself would affect legislation or sentencing regarding if he was ever caught , captured or seized by the powers that existed outside of the corporate web . Probably dissected and downloaded , like a stolen laptop . He shifted his feet in the water . It was warm , a little more then average bath temperature . Not an onsen , not a bath . It didn 't bubble like a hot tub . He set his bag aside and climbed down and in . Dr . Ashland didn 't approve of him submerging himself as he was , but he didn 't forbid it either . The hot water loosened his joints and muscles . He hated feeling stiff , ached and painful all the time . He had never been this run down before . Whole patches under the now translucent pale of his skin were stippled black and yellow - green . It was a little like a corpse in a coffin . Mamiya - san would look like this now . He could be like a real son for her , only he was walking and talking and she wouldn 't ever again . He could remember when the body had been part of him . " He " was the whole package , flesh and electronics . He hadn 't liked the idea of getting wounded then , some primal fear that it would affect how he acted or worked . It was a failing in his understanding at the time of how integrated he was through bioware with the body he had been built from . The treatments were enough . His awareness was the interface of the body 's central nervous system with the bioware hard drives and processors . There were artificial glands , such as his Jehovah 's Apple , that controlled spontaneous synthesis and release of proper hormones . The treatments targeted all of those vital devices and organs , but weren 't enough strength or quantity to leak out into the rest of him . As long as those kept functioning , he was fine . Inconvenienced , but fine . Hideo didn 't want Akira 's body anyway . He wanted Rana and Shinji and Tsubasa . He could hear Dr . Chen dipping a cloth into the water . He was helping Yoshimitsu to bath . Hideo wanted Yoshimitsu , too . Yoshimitsu was strange . He was a yakuza , but he acted like a amateur level idoru . Like Malice Mizer should have been if they hadn 't practically invented to new look for GothLoli . They 're music was horrendous . Yoshimitsu 's would be too . He was kind of dumb seeming . Maybe he never graduated from college . Maybe he never went to college . He wanted to know what value the happy , puppy - like man could possibly have . He was loyal , he guessed . Dogs were loyal . It was hard to tell since he had defected from Amakusa to Setsuna , and now Setsuna to Hideo . He didn 't mention it . He rarely bothered talking about such things . It made more sense to act . But with this case , it was difficult to guess what was needed to coax the problem into a solution . What he wanted to say was , " You look unwell , Tsubasa . " It would be the polite way to initiate conversation , and possible get the seraph leader to open up . . " You have the recordings . They are self explanatory . " Tsubasa spoke flatly . Rana imagined that in the real world , if anyone were present in the meeting lab , and Tsubasa 's eyes were open , they would have seen flickers of red on the edges of his eyes . It felt like the cyborg was angry , as much as his voice and face were devoid of any human expression . Cold , pure alabaster and set gem eyes like a statue of an old god . There were new ageists that believed that angels were themselves gods , and in the absence of the strange , western Christ . He 'd seen some bumper stickers in a store Amakusa had demanded to go into once . They 'd been next to the Laughing Buddha inch - high fake resin statues and in front of the " I believe in faieries " backpack buttons . Wasn 't that a misspelling ? There had been framed prints in garish fractal colours with ambiguous winged figures . They all looked too perfect with dark or light hair in thick waves around long , white limbs . They 'd all had wide , heavily lashed eyes that would be impossible for anyone normal without using glue - ons . . Tsubasa did not seem too far off , excepting that he was very attractively , and plainly , male . Fairness of face had been part of the criteria that the design team had used to determine which subjects they 'd wanted for the experiments and planned success of the new seraphim augmentation class . He 'd never had much dealing with the cybernetics development division , except to learn what he needed of new systems to study how to destroy them ( aka defend against in rana - speak ) . Curiosity as to just how the company had managed to cleanly kidnap the young Dorian . He hadn 't been famous , yet , but he was up - and - coming . It was harder to research such things from outside the company , let alone from within a minor rival like setsuna . Rival . As if the term really applied anymore . Something was going on that the higher - ups of both companies had seen fit to begin something like a merger . How else could the marriage of two of the most prized assets be construed ? There were other , more important meetings going on , he was certain , but as before with Amakusa he was only privy to the meetings of face - the media wanted to see the two young nobles meeting and going through the motions of betrothal . He was tired of cameras again already . Rana blinked . He hadn 't been paying attention to the meeting , and now he had no idea what was going on . Hideo would have his head for missing information regarding Tsubasa . He looked slowly over at the cyborg again . At least he never had to worry , with his years of schooling , of showing his panic or the fact that he 'd just been completely not attentive . " Are you confident that Setsuna Corp is capable of success ? I am not . The last time I submitted myself to a repair by this company , I lost my arm … and have been left with this inferior metal contraption meant for placement on a sand drone and covered with SilkSkin ™ . I 'd rather they just not work at all then risk having to lose them . In fact , no , I refuse this surgery under terms 23c and 6f of my contract with the company . Have your sister negotiate terms with Amakusa Hoshimaru if you want me to be repaired and in full working order to do your handiwork on that front . Until then I am perfectly serviceable as a ground operative , the same a Ho or Seven . Or Damocles . " Tsubasa 's wings , all six of them here in cyberspace , twitched behind his back . " I will not take full responsibility for the damaging of my person . Damocles is just as unstable as the Seraphim Class , and we . Do . Not . Get . Along . If , as chairs of the research and development project , you had read any of my monthly synopsis you would have been made aware much earlier of the pending tensions and flaws in the interface between the team and him . Let alone between his augmentations and his own personal reference core .
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. . . another one shuts . Or at least that 's what my parents ' old cleaning lady used to say . A door shut in our household yesterday morning . And so we gather , dear friends , to bid farewell to Coochie . He was a family member , a friend , a fish . And as of yesterday morning he was also , alas , tits up . May he fare well as he begins his journey into the next life . Or , perhaps , just into the sewer , depending on both one 's view of the afterlife and also one 's view of whether or not fish go there . I never knew you well , dear Coochie . You were just a daycare fish that we got talked into bringing home " for ten days " about ten months ago . I changed your water maybe twice , fed you once a week or so . Daddy loved you far more than I did . In fact I couldn 't even be arsed to take a picture of you . I 'm pretty sure you were blue . I suck . And swallow . But I digress , and I ~ am ~ the only one in the family mental enough to write a eulogy for a dead daycare fish , so you 'll just have to take what you get . And so , Coochie , as you bob along on your journey down the toilet pipes and into the sewers , on your way to the River Styx , please heed my parting words : Don 't pay the ferryman . Don 't even fix a price . Don 't pay the ferryman until he gets you to the other side . And if in fact he DOES get you to the other side , expect all of the other dead fish to kick your ass for being lame and taking a FERRY across a RIVER . You 're a FISH fer fuck 's sake . Amen . I had a good day at the thrift store today and got a whole bunch of knitting and crocheting patterns that I 'm going to put up on eBay in the next day or so . Mum says she has a lot of patterns she 's never used that she 's going to give me also , so I would think that there will be 20 or 30 items up for a buck or two apiece in the next day or so if anyone is interested . My seller name on eBay is Jelliebun . Don 't ask . The book in question is entitled " Fashion Knits " and it is a 63 - page collection of patterns from 1971 . Included are patterns for a very nasty vest and a dress that would make anyone look like leftovers , however there are also patterns for some nice sweaters , tunic tops , a poncho or two , a " bridal bonnet " which is sort of sweet , a skirt and an utterly unspeakable hat referred to as " gay " . Which it is , truly . And not in the good way . Some of these " knits " are also " crochets " which makes me question the sanity of the publishers . Anyhow , now I 've got all of you all hot and bothered and panting for a look at this book , seeing I 'm not going to sell it if anyone would like it , the first email to bunniegirl @ shaw . ca gets it for free . I 'll even pay for the postage . I think I 've also found a solution for that alpaca yarn that I posted about a while back . I 'm going to sell all three cones . There are about 600 + yards , I would think , of the red and cream , seeing all I made was a small shawl , and the 1100 yards of hunter green is intact . It 's too fine for me to use as hand - knit because I don 't have the patience for lacework and the knitting machine is going to go in a box for a while as I 've had it set up for a year and a half and have made 3 " of ribbing so far . That 's going to be listed tomorrow or the next day but if anyone is interested in that also , please sing out . Or type out . Or whatever , you know . That 's Her Surreal Highness on her first carousel ride . Gramma Pat is holding her there , but I don 't have her permission to publish her photo so I 'm restraining myself . For once . I have a kazillion more photos and endless tales of the fair and there will be more pictures of the gorgeous wool I bought and don 't know what to do with , however I must be off and see if I can figure out how to raise another $ 1600 this month . Yes , I know it 's almost the end of the month . No , it 's not vital , however it would be nice and so I 'm thinking of selling one of my husband 's kidneys . Here are two of the yummythings I got at the fair . First , 525 yards of peacock blue Lopi . They 're calling it turquoise , but really . . . I have absolutely vile skin . I am allergic to everything . I 'm allergic to the freakin ' AIR and I go out of my way day and night to find anything that gives me relief from the itching and pain . Today I found something better than sex . It 's called Shea Body Butter . Just the name itself , of course , is enough to drive a woman mad . Buttered bodies . Yummmmmmmmm . Anyhow , this is the thingie you want to buy if you have any kind of skin ickiness . I spread it on my neck and hands , which are my most sensitive areas , and had no reaction whatsoever . We spent the entire weekend at the fair . I stayed in a hotel , I did no housework , I left towels on the floor . I hung with my best girl . . . I went on RIDES ( and almost puked ) I did karaoke with the bikers , and I bought a shitpile ( and also an assload ) of wool that I have no idea what to do with . With what to do . And such . Further display of the S . E . X . when I sober up . Seems there is Lopi and also mohair in there . Like I know what I 'm doing ? No , my dears , no longer will this poor man be forced to importune an uncaring and capricious deity to increase his automotive studliness . He has , instead , hit the motherlode . Or should I say the Rabbitchlode ? I spent close to three hours in the chair today while he inserted both his hands , one foot , a stream - driven backhoe and a small coin - operated jukebox into my gaping maw . I 'm hoping to make enough money off the jukebox to cover the cost of definitely one , possibly two and maybe even THREE root canals , a rebuild of a twice - repaired injury , replacement of an elderly laminate , possibly a crown , two or three more new laminates and whatever else we can dream up in our novocain - induced frenzy . I 'm pretty sure I was the only one drugged today but who can really be sure any more ? Scary thing happened today . My neighbour , who is also my best friend , and I went down to the river to wind down and talk about boys while tossing stones into the water . We took our six kids with us ( one of mine , two of hers , three she takes care of , but they 're all " ours " ) and let them go mad in the water for a while until their lips started turning blue ( It 's September here in the Great White North , after all ) and then took them home to toss them in the bath , feed them and then put them in bed . One of the big kids ( 8 years old ) had a bit of fishing line around her foot at one point and I pulled it off . This is what was attached . Nice . Just what I want to find wrapped around one of my kids ' feet . Fishing line and a lure or a flash or whatever the hell you call it , and a hook . No , not at all . The word I 'm talking about is even worse , and one that people are even less likely to mention in polite company . That word is cancer . I had a scare earlier this year and had to go for all sorts of fun stuff - - mammograms , ultrasounds , and a core biopsy ( which is sort of like taking a geological sample and caused me to swell up a full cup size for several weeks , so I 'd be avoiding that one if I were you ) . Truly , most of it wasn 't so bad and I haven 't had that much boob action in years ; I usually have to buy someone a couple of drinks before that sort of attention is paid . But I digress . My testing turned out happily . It seems what I have is a " breast mouse " . I was going to put a link here but really , the pictures are gross . Trust me to have something painful and ugly but with a stupid cute name so everyone thinks I 've got a pet rather than a growth half the size of a golf ball in my left boob . And yes , I have to have the lump removed eventually but I 'm going to wait until I can 't take the pain any more , ' cause I sort of like the way they look now . As I said , this post ( which contains knitting content ! ) isn 't about me . It 's about my friend . Let 's call her Kathleen , seeing that 's the name her mother chose . She also had a scare earlier this year , with considerably less cheerful results . Malignant isn 't a word anyone wants to hear , however they whipped her quickly into hospital , removed an unfortunately large portion ( 1 / 3 or more ) of one of her breasts and sent her home with a heck of a lot of hope . The best thing , however , that she came home with is an incredible attitude . This lady isn 't going to sit down and shut up and pretend this is in some way shameful . She 's speaking up , shouting out , and hiding nothing . So , being the slightly - madcap person that I am , I told her one night on IRC that I was going to knit her a falsie . She thought this was completely hilarious and demanded instantly that I do so . That 's the " Crafting for Evil " project that I 've been working on . I started putting this together at work tonight , having done the majority of the knitting , and part - way through the funniest thing happened . This started being a labour of love instead of something hilarious . I mean it always ~ was ~ a labour of love . It just stopped being so funny . I have no idea why I find this stupid knitted boob so touching . It 's not even a really good boob , although it 's a lot better than the ones over at http : / / www . childbirthedu . com / va500 . htm or the ones at http : / / www . capersbookstore . com . au / scripts / shop _ item . asp ? by = a2z & item = 1565 . I 'm not linking ' cause I 'm not being very nice about them , but go and have a look . . . you know you want to . I 'm quite sure that those boobs aren 't going to make anyone , woman or child , clue in to the mechanics of breast feeding any more quickly . That usually requires a mom with milk and a hungry baby to work out with any degree of success . The colours of my " Boobie Prize " are unrealistic ( the pink isn 't quite as in the picture but you get the idea ) and the shape isn 't right either . The workmanship 's pretty solid , though , and I 'm quite pleased with both the spiral construction and the consistency of the stitching in the I - cord . What I didn 't get was why I teared up a couple of times while doing the finishing work on the graveyard shift tonight . Anyhow , if any of you out there haven 't done a self - exam in the last little while , please do , so I don 't have to knit one of these for you also . My heart can only take so much . Go , run , hop into the shower and play with your boobs for a bit . And then post about it . They are organic ! They are wholesome ! You can almost taste the hairy legs of the politically - correct lesbian who grew the wheat in an atmosphere of love and support and then ground the wheat into flour between the marble - hard cheeks of her butt ! No knitting today . Going to the dentist to cope with an exploding tooth tomorrow and then working too much . I may well finish the knitting project I keep chortling about by Saturday . Stay tuned for more excitement Chéz Lapin . I 'm taking Business Computing Basics . Three credits for finding the " on " switch and formatting a document . Oh yes , and doing a Power Point presentation . ( gag ) Now , this instructor is not an asshole . Far from it . He is a kind , articulate , educated and caring person . He may be a little less dynamic than some of the instructors I 've studied with but dude , he actually knows what he 's doing , so Shut The Fuck Up ! It 's not his fault that you aren 't entertained by an instructor who chooses to teach without the aid of sock puppets or a clown suit and a pony . 7 : 40 pm . We 're all back in our seats , hopelessly waiting for something , ANYthing , to happen . An explosion would be good . At least it would be interesting . 7 : 45 am . A young lady who seems to have dressed up for a date rather than a class gets up and abruptly leaves the classroom , apparently close to tears . I don 't know if she just realized that the average guy in the room makes George Bush look sorta hot , or if she got a text message telling her that she was missing something exciting somewhere else . Either way , one down . . . 8 : 00 pm . I think my ass has gone to sleep . My teeth are starting to itch with the appalling boredom of looking at a blank Microsoft Word screen while the instructor explains about how to figure out what the icons on the tool bar mean . Um , if you hold your cursor ( that 's the little arrow thingie ) over the button , the name pops up . It 's not brain surgery . 8 : 10 pm . My sciatica starts acting up . The only surprising thing about this is that I didn 't have sciatica before I signed up for this course . This can only bode ill . 8 : 15 pm . Instructor is still droning . Oh look , there are two different ways to display your document five different ways . I 'm thinking that might be math so I stop listening immediately . I wonder if the sciatica is in part caused by the odd little plastic midget chairs that make me fold up like Gumby . Although at my age it is always an exciting discovery to find that you CAN still fold up like Gumby , I 've gotta say that I had always anticipated discovering that while sweating under the poolboy or doing Salma Hayack or something , certainly not while listening to the . . . oh look ! If you push that button that looks like a paragraph symbol you can display the non - printing symbols on the still non - existent document . Be still my heart . 8 : 18 pm . Instructor gives us a " twelve minute " break . 8 : 31 pm . Having stolen an illicit extra minute ( if he asks me I 'm gonna say I had to pee ) I return to the class to discover that we 've lost at least two or three more of our eager little students . Seemingly the bloom is off the rose . Shortest honeymoon phase I 've ever witnessed . 8 : 40 pm . I continue to eat Skittles ( yes , I was one of the three people eating . so sue me ) and wonder what sort of diversion would be created if I started dropping them down the unfortunately public ass - crack of the great billowing woman taking up two seats just across the aisle from me . 8 : 55 pm . Kurt Cobain , reappears on the playlist of the Disc Jockey from Hell and starts screaming " Rape Me , My Friend " at the top of his voice in my head . Sadly , I know just how he feels . 9 : 15 pm . I give serious consideration to driving my favourite pen right through my eye and into my brain , just to make all of this stop . I manage to restrain myself only because a ) there are only about 15 minutes left of class and b ) I REALLY like this pen . 9 : 20 pm . The Dark Lord releases us from our bondage . He says we can use the last ten minutes to practice . I stand aside to avoid being trampled in the rush for the door . 9 : 30 pm . I explain to the instructor that I really know most of this stuff and am wondering if I should be in the class . He asks me my background . I tell him , and also tell him that I tested at 86 % on the first third of the class , using his testing software , two years ago . He asks me why the hell I 'm taking the class and says he would be happy to give me credit for work done . We work out a deal wherein I don 't attend class but I do the assignments and the exams , seeing I 'm doing this for credit and don 't want a freebie . He also says he 'll lend me the books , so I can return the ones I have ( and fortunately didn 't take out of the shrink wrap ) to the bookstore and reclaim a much - needed $ 165 . I 've had a busy weekend so far , which is why I haven 't been posting . Apologies to all who were sucked in by that ' one post a day ' thingie . I 'm really not interesting enough to keep that up for long . I worked 8 : 30 to 4 at my ' regular ' job on Friday ( if that little den of post - secondary sickness can be called regular in any way ) , slept four hours and then worked the Friday night midnight to Saturday 8am graveyard shift at my other job . Staggered home and crashed for nine hours and then got up , ate some completely kick - ass homemade lentil soup and then drank wine and watched The Return of the King . MAN , is that a good movie ! ! ! If anyone wants the recipe for completely - vegetarian lentil soup let me know and I 'll post it . Please note that it 's a good idea to take Beano before eating it . Trust me on this one . Anyhow , I was having a . . . well , what were we having ? I suppose seeing we were talking on the computer we were having a compucon . . . or we would if we were the sort of lame bitches who would have any such thing . Let 's start that again . I parsed her words as " watching the appliance " . This , to me , had a certain degree of elegance , some panache , a touch of je ne sais quoi . In short , it rocks . For far too long have people been allowed to refer to their televisions as if they were special - - of equal value to , say , the coffee maker . Not so . They are just an appliance , whereas coffee makers , when not bursting into flames , are actively saving lives . I figure if other people can fuck around with English and make their silly words and phrases ' real ' , then I shall also . ( Yes , I know . The ass words . Shut up . ) Please henceforth refer to your television as " the appliance " . I think that if y ' all voted for Bush in the last election , you 're pretty much getting what you deserve . If , however , you 're thinking of voting for him in the next election , a ) please don 't read my blog again , you suck and b ) you may wish to note that he 's wacked enough to confuse a perfectly legitimate profession with . . . what the hell is he confusing this with ? Being a gigolo ? A date of some sort ? To include the obligatory knitting content ( or at least ~ some ~ sort of knitting content , seeing I 've been lax ) , observez - vous ( yes , that 's French ) my yummy alpaca . I have about 500 - 600 yards of each of the red and ecru , and 1100 - 1200 yards of the hunter green . It 's very fine , needs to be doubled for worsted weight . OK , so today I go to turn my coffee maker off . Coffee maker , my love , my darling . Machine without whom many people would die . ( None of these people would be me , but still . . . ) I scream , Ben unplugs the coffee maker and I say " well shit , I guess we have to replace that puppy . " He looks at me seriously and says " Hon , it 's just fine . We can still use it . Things go on fire all the time , it 's not like you have any control over that sort of thing . " I use French Roast coffee , and this little event made me start thinking . . . a few years ago ( like four ) there was a Concorde that actually took off while on fire . I guess the pilots didn 't notice . They 're French , you know . While 114 people being killed isn 't particularly funny , I couldn 't figure out how anyone could think that it might be ok to take off WHILE THE FUCKING PLANE WAS ON FIRE . Was the pilot perhaps the French version of my husband , sitting there saying " noh noh , eet ees all raht . Thees plane , eet ees what she does . We are een zee aire , zee aire weel bloh zee flehms auht . " Anyhow , I like following links , reading blogs and all that happy shit . I would just like to ask people if you 're part of a fucking blogring , would you PLEASE put the ring button on your freakin ' page ? ? ? I followed several ring links tonight only to be stopped dead at the page of some slacker who hadn 't added the button . I 've been thinking of starting a blogring called " The HoDown " but I 'm too lazy . Maybe in a couple of months when I 'm not working 143 hours a day and so forth . A lot of the blogrings are so specific . . . ie , there 's a knitring I can 't join , because I don 't REALLY have a knitting blog , I 'm just a blogger who knits , etc . etc , bla dee bla boring . I 'm still in the process of cataloguing my stash . My friend Ann somehow got me to start keeping track of my yarn . Of course I haven 't subtracted the ball I used to make a dishcloth this week and I have no idea if I added or subtracted the blue that I 'm using for the Blanket of Buggery and ohfuck I didn 't take the orange off the list but it 's still in the bag I carry everywhere , so it 's sort of stash , isn 't it ? Isn 't it ? Huh ? And if I put it back right now do I have to deduct the five yards or so I used to make this I - cord that was my first attempt at using dpns and which I 'm going to use on this bag from Knitter 's summer issue ? which will be winging its merry way to Ann in the next couple of days , seeing I finally have time to go to the post office . Deal and a half from Michaels , at about 60 % off . Gotta like that action . But I 'm still not knitting any damned socks . If any of you know me in RL ( I have a real life ? Since when ? Do I like it . . . and more importantly do I have time to get laid in it ? ) if ever I tell you I am working three weeks of double shifts again , please , PLEASE , drive to my house and stick your boot up my ass . No , really . I have no idea what I was thinking . I 've done this once before but I was far younger ( it was last year ) . Anyhow , it 's over and done with and now I can stop the " too much work " whining and start with the " oh god , I 'm 42 and I 'm taking two classes this term " whining . I think it 's quite obvious what happened here . There are two heads , two torsos , and six limbs . Strewn all over the bed into which I was longing to tumble , having finally lurched home . I shudder to think what may have happened to the missing two limbs . Thank you to whoever invented call display . And a note to anyone who thinks that just because they 're upset ( or are too fucking stupid to listen to voice mail and choose one of three options ) that people who are paid with your tax dollars have to take your abuse : think again . Can you tell I had a bad night ? Yes , well , so did the guy who kept trying to call . As most folks know , I work for a hospital . We have a geriatric home attached to us , which makes for some interesting calls . And some which break your heart . I keep getting silly calls . . . there is a woman who doesn 't know what " Palliative Care " is . I think she knows that her friend is dying , but she keeps phoning up and asking for " Pelican Care " . I find this both amusing and disturbing at the same time . We aren 't in the business of caring for waterfowl . I also get calls for the " Psychic " ward . Yeah , lady , your friend is nuts , she 's in the Psychiatric ward . If she was psychic she would have known you wanted to speak to her and would have called you already . And the line is busy , please call back later . We have one man who keeps on trying to call home . . . and tells us he can 't reach the number from that phone . Although it 's not ' officially ' part of our function to put through local calls , we do . We 're human . And he wants to call his wife , who still lives in his house . The reason he can 't get through is that she has call display and won 't answer when she sees it 's the hospital calling . I understand that she doesn 't want 15 - 20 calls a day . . . but . . . he 's sitting in a box , in a hospital room , alone . And his wife won 't talk to him . And maybe there are reasons I don 't know about and I shouldn 't be judging . So I do the best I can , and he and I just deal , and sometimes he gets to talk to his wife . There is one lady , and I use that term with the greatest of respect , who calls us on a regular basis at the switchboard . She is obviously confused although she doesn 't portray this in speech or manner . Whatever number it is she is dialing causes only one of the two switchboards to ring . Whenever the call comes in on that one line , we know it 's her . We answer with " switchboard " and she is always startled and apologizes , and asks what number she has reached . If you ask her she will tell you what number she is calling . She 's calling an exchange that hasn 't existed for 30 years or more . It used to be that exchanges had names , i . e . if you were calling " COllingwood 7 " ( no , that 's not what she 's calling ) it would be 267 and then the other four digits . If you ask her who she 's trying to reach she will tell you that she is calling her parents at her family home . She always says it just like that , " Why , I 'm calling my family home . " And then I tell her that we can 't get through to that number ( seeing everyone there has been dead for years ) , and she says , " Oh , I 'm sorry to have bothered you , thank you , love . Night night . " And then she hangs up . And then I sit there and cry . So people , if you have family , hold them close . Care for them . If you have any way of avoiding putting them in a box in a geriatric home then don 't , even if they 're annoying as all fuck . Don 't let them be the lady who makes me cry every night because I can 't put her call through , k ? This entire experiment in sleep deprivation is getting amusing . It feels sort of like I 'm that assbucket who locked himself in the glass box over the River Thames so that either he could reach some sort of spiritual enlightenment or so everyone could watch him die or whatever . I 'm being mean so I won 't put in a clickable link but y ' all can find the horrible details over here if you 're interested ( http : / / river - thames . com / stunt / david _ blaine / ) . Go on , you know you want to . I 'm not quite sure what his point was but I 'm thinking this feels like the text - based equivalent of that particular brand of fuckery . Well , except that I 'm not naked ( although you may imagine me so if you wish ) and I get to sleep in tomorrow so my ordeal is of considerably shorter duration . Oh yes , and I don 't have to pee in front of 4 , 000 gawkers . Not without a reasonable fee , anyhow . One of the symptoms of this madness is that I 'm even more prone than usual to the particular disorder known as ' being earwormed ' . This is what happens when you get a song in your head and it just won 't go away . During past episodes of this mad double - shifting bullshit , I 've had Kurt Cobain inform me with increasing urgency ( over a two week period , no less ) that there was " Nothing at the top but a bucket and a mop , and an illustrated book about birds . " Just that one line . By the time that little experience was over , I was wishing he was still alive , so I could kill him dead , revive him and then do it again . That being said , I have a day off tomorrow ( working the night shift but not the day ) and then two more double shifts and then I 'm done . Um , and then school starts on Tuesday ( I 'm taking 6 credits towards a business administration certificate ) and then I work Wednesday and Thursday night at another hospiddle . But only until 11 . And then I 'm on the graveyard at this hospiddle on Friday . This is all being done for a purpose . This three or four weeks of madness will finance my husband 's entire term at college , PLUS pay for the family to go to the Puyallup Fair for their closing weekend . This means my daughter gets to meet her great - grandmother for the first time , so it 's all worth it . If anyone 's stalking me , we plan to be at the fair for most of Friday and if you buy me one of those big greasy onion - covered fairburgers I 'll give you my phone number .
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Okay . I know it 's been hot and sticky for a few days this week and so far this month we 've seen our share of 90 or near 90 degrees days ( seven , to be exact ) . And there is probably more on the way . Before we start to complain too loudly , we should know that " this heat ain 't nothin ' " . Not compared to 1936 , when 80 years ago this month , the Toledo area , and most of the Midwest was under siege by the sizzling and deadly sun . Temperatures soared for 8 days straight well past the 100 degree mark . Toledo recorded its all - time high of 104 . 7 degrees . At the old Muni airport in Lake Township , the recorded high one day was 107 degrees , while Bowling Green was burning at 110 degrees . And remember , there were few , if any air conditioners . Just electric fans . Stores couldn 't keep them in stock . The resulting oven like temps were blamed for over 70 deaths in Toledo , including 17 patients at the Toledo State Hospital for the Insane . More victims , by the hundreds were rushed to hospitals with heat stroke and collapse . Local towns around Toledo also reported heavy casualty tolls from the broiling sun . Day after day , the toll climbed . The oppressive heat was not just dangerous for humans , but all life withered under its heavy hand . Animals and livestock by the hundreds succumbed from the assault of heat and dehydration . As a result , tallow and rendering companies found themselves working non - stop to clear the dead carcasses from the farms and fields . The mercury rose to levels that the heat triggered numerous spontaneous combustion fires . Barns , grasses and hay blossomed with flame throughout the area . Most startling perhaps was the constant buckling many sidewalks , streets and roadways as the asphalt boiled and the pavement ruptured . Toledo 's downtown streets were not immune to the ravages , as street level temps were recorded in excess of 110 degrees for a week of afternoons . At the Jamra 's Tobacco Company in the 500 block of Monroe Street , the thermometer recorded 119 degrees on the afternoon of July 8th . Further out Monroe Street at the railroad viaduct near Auburn , the retaining walls buckled and heaved in the heat . Even the Toledo city bridges were affected as drawbridges were unable to close properly because of heat expansion in the closing latches . In Ottawa County , brick - paved streets were reported to be bursting in Oak Harbor on State Rt . 19 as the blistering temps caused the pavers to expand and explode . After 7 days of sweltering conditions , state highway officials said more than 550 roadways in Ohio had exploded . Throughout the region many stores and numerous factories were forced to close with the mercury surpassing 100 degrees by mid afternoon . In several incidents , factory workers were reported to be overcome by heatstroke and rushed to hospitals for treatment . Construction workers were especially vulnerable and many had to put down their tools and get out of the blazing sun to seek shelter from the broiling conditions . It was reported that even the hens at local egg farms were so hot , they too stopped work and wouldn 't lay eggs . Another consequence of the scramble to keep cool as thousands Toledo area resident turned to the relief of water . To escape the sweltering misery , they went swimming and many did not return . During this eight day period , dozens of people died from drowning as they crowded the rivers , beaches , lakes , ponds , pools and quarries . Newspapers everyday carried numerous articles about those folks , young and old swallowed forvever by the very thing they had hoped would bring them some temporary comfort . Local health officials became very concerned at one point because thousands of people were so desperate they began venturing into the murky Maumee River . A river that even in 1936 was already considered a public health hazard for its stew of sewage and pollutants . Some health experts warned that long term exposure to the toxins and bacteria in the water could claim more lives than the drownings . The huge number of Toledoans that crowded the public pools was also a problem for it was feared that the filters couldn 't handle the pollution from the high number of bathers and that could also be a public health danger . Walbridge Park pool was recommended for closure , while city chemists worked to ascertain bacteria levels in the pools throughout the city . It wasn 't just the purity of the city 's water supply that came into question during this pressing heat wave of the 1930 's , but the supply and water pressure began dwindling . In downtown office buildings and hotels , many rooms on the upper floors of those buildings did not have water for days . Water restrictions were put in place and residents were warned not to use their lawn sprinklers or to use water needlessly . In the meantime , many residents had few options but just to do their best to move slowly and stay cool . Some began peeling off clothes , or sitting in front of fans , while others found that ice cream was an effective coolant . Ice cream parlors and beer joints in the city racked up record business . A few of the movie theaters in downtown Toledo , the Princess , the Valentine and the Rivoli all had air conditioning and were kept at a cool 70 degrees . Theater goers by the thousands flocked to what the NewsBee called the " Coolies " at these downtown venues . As the drought conditions began to take a firm grip on Toledo that summer of ' 36 , other areas of the Great Plains and the Upper Midwest were already reeling from the solar blight , dealing with crop failures and livestock starvation . From South Dakota to Texas , to the Eastern Seaboard , millions of acres of wheat and corn had been parched and lost , forest fires scorched the earth and hundreds of thousands of rural residents were left destitute and struggling . The Works Progress Administration , the WPA , reported at least 25 , 000 people were facing a lack of food and they were cutting red tape to get money to those affected . The newspaper stories of the heatwave also reminded us that heat can make strangers of us all . " Crazy from the Heat " was not just the title of a David Lee Roth Album . In nearby Sandusky , a man reportedly went berserk from the stress of the heat and went " out of his mind " . Police there say C . C . Lanley , 60 years old , was pushed beyond his limits of sanity . He shot his wife to death as she lie in bed , and then turned the gun on himself . In Prophetstown , Illinois , about 80 miles west of Chicago , a man tried to extort the entire village of about 1000 people . Merchants of the parched community say they were ready to pay a man about $ 1000 cash to keep him from bombing and setting fire to their community . " We intend to pay him " said the bespectacled mayor from his grocery store , " It 's mighty dry around here and we can 't take a chance on a fire . " The national death toll from the fierce heatwave of 1936 was about 5 , 000 when all was said and done , with over a billion dollars in crop losses to farmers , and hundreds of thousands taken ill during this extrordinary summer of discontent . It is was and is still considered the worst heatwave on record in U . S . history . And surprisingly it followed one of the coldest winters on record . While Toledo saw the mercury eclipse the 104 degree mark , other cities and regions coped with even hotter conditions . Okalhoma City experienced temperatures in excess of 120 degrees , as did parts of the Dakotas . Indiana 's high temp was 116 degrees and the residents of the little burg of Mio , Michigan dealt with 112 degrees on July 13th . Seventeen states broke or equaled their all time highest heat record that July . LIFE STILL SOMEWHAT NORMAL Many people , as it would appear , continued working , shopping , taking in events and picnics , or attending ball games . Generally going about their lives with a minimum of complaint , albiet with fewer layers of clothing , and a heavier layer of sweat . The Willow Beach Dance contest was won by a Mr . and Mrs . Howard Marvin of Defiance , hundreds of people turned out for the funeral and internment of former Toledo Congressman Warren Duffey and a crowd of city officials and businessmen turned out in 102 degree heat to inspect and tour the all - new modern New York Central " Mercury " locomotive on display at the Middlegrounds . The Lion Store had a sale on cotton frocks , a shopper 's luncheon at Petro 's in downtown Toledo was just 20 cents , and thousands of Toledoans were eagerly heading to the Stickney Avenue Showground where the Ringling Brothers Circus was featuring two shows a day . Life was hot . But life was still being lived . Maybe it says something about our grandparents who had not yet been spoiled by the cool comfort of air conditioning and the desire to live life at a constant 72 degrees . They seemed to roll with the punches and the hard times . Yeah , it was painfully hot , but life was always hard . Don 't expect anything less . Wonder how we , in this part of the country would deal with 110 degree temps today . Can 't help but think that life , as we know it , would stop . If our roads started blowing up , and the water supply dwindled to a trickle , and we suddenly lost our precious air conditioning ? Would we have as much grit as Grandma and Grandpa who somehow seemed able and willing to forge a life and a future in the heat of hardship . But this reporter has uncovered an even earlier attempt at an airline hijacking . . and it took place in Ohio and ended with tragic results . The year was 1954 , 62 years ago this week on July the 6th when a large framed 15 - year - old boy , wearing a leather coast denim jeans boarded an American Airlines plane at Cleveland Hopkins airport , waving a pistol and demanded that the pilot fly the plane to Mexico . The pilot , however , reached into high flight bag and withdrew a . 38 caliber handgun and shot the young teen twice , once in the hip and once in the chest . He died about an hour later at the hospital . There were 53 passengers on board the DC - 6 , and they were largely unaware of what had happened until the ambulance took the boy 's body out on a stretcher . That young man was identified as Ray Kuchenmeister , a 280 pound , six - foot tall teen who his mother said was bitter because he was too big to be considered a boy and too young to be considered a man . His 12 - year - old brother , Donald , who was outside the plane when the shooting happened said he and his brother had run away from their run down old home in suburban Parma and just wanted to go out West and " get work as cowboys " . The pilot , Captain William Bonnell said later , " What was I supposed to do ? I had a maniac on the plane with a gun . " The gun that the young man brandished however was later revealed to be broken and empty . The boy 's mother said it was an old broken gun that been around the house for years and she thought it had been thrown out . August 12 , 2015 · 5 : 57 pm The Mysterious Goldfish of the Portage River Finding fish in a river is usually no big news . Bigger news perhaps if there were no fish in a river . . But sometimes , certain types and species of fish turn up where they shouldn 't be . Such was the case of the mystery goldfish that invaded the Portage River almost a century ago . I recently found several newspaper articles about such a situation occurring at Port Clinton in 1920 . Now , I am not referring to a mere isolated incident involving a few fish , but a massive crypto - zoological phenomenon of such magnitude that commercial fishermen descended on this Ottawa County lake port to harvest these invaders as curious culinary delicacies . According to an Associated Press article , dated December 20th , 1920 , the carp - like goldfish were being taken by the ton at the Portage River and many of them were several inches long and weighing up to a half pound . They were " highly colored in yellow and gold " with sprinkles of red , making them " very attractive " . The local fishermen say they had been catching them in their nets for several years at various times , and would take them in as novelties . It wasn 't until this particular years , 1920 , their numbers were so huge and so abundant that they were being caught and put " live " into railroad tank cars where they were being shipped to retail and wholesale markets in New York City . From where these exotic golden - carp - like fish had come was a somewhat of a mystery , although there were theories . The most popular one was that because fishermen had begun to notice the fish appearing in the nets for several years , it is believed that may have gotten into Lake Erie during the great floods of 1913 when many backyard ponds and aquariums were flooded over and thousands of the little gold fish were sent into the flood waters . In particular , it was largely believed that these colorful fish might have been refugees from the Belle Isle Aquarium near Detroit when the floodwaters of 1913 overtook the aquariums and outdoor ponds . They continued to flourish in the warm waters of Lake Erie and multiplied by the millions and may have inter - bred with carp . In the winter months , they would move from the shallow water of the marshes and into the deeper waters of the Portage River to avoid freezing temperatures . This logical explanation appears to have been widely accepted by the public at large . True or not ? Difficult to determine . There are other theories that these fish might have been Prussian Carp , believed to be a type of feral or wild goldfish which also established themselves in this region many decades ago . But whatever they were or where - ever they came from , this copious crop of large golden - colored fish remained in the waters of Western Lake Erie and the Portage River for many years after . I recall in 1964 , fishing in the Portage near Elmore one spring and catching a large gold - colored fish that was almost two feet in length . Was it an ancestor of the famed mystery goldfish of 1920 ? Could be . As I have recounted this story with Ottawa County locals , familiar with the river , I have been told by numerous folks that they too have had similar encounters over the years through the 1960 's and later years with these large goldfish . Others may , to this day , still encounter some of these colorful invaders , for state fishery experts say the goldfish has become a common species found throughout much of the Western watershed of Lake Erie . Able to adapt to changing temperature and ecosystems , the goldfish are often found in shallow waters and can reach lengths of up to 16 inches . The fish are not however , welcome visitors to the lakes and rivers for they are true invasive species and may have been the first invasive introduced into North American waters . They can compete for habitat with native species and often carry disease . Wildlife experts say many of today 's population of goldfish in this area can be traced to people carelessly dumping pet fish into natural waters or allowing them to escape from backyard ponds during floods . It is not just this area that encounters the " wild " goldfish . Sighting and catches are being reported throughout the U . S . and in some cases , the invasive goldfish grow to sizes that are astonishing and larger than most gold - fish bowls . Here 's one I haven 't verified yet , but a story that made the wire services in 1899 and carried in several newspapers claimed than a Toledo City alderman , who was visiting New York City made a stop in that 's town 's notorious vice - district , the Tenderloin and stopped by the police station to see if the cops would show him around . He said " I thought I 'd drop by a see the Tenderloin so I can tell the boys at home all about it . " The cops said he was a small man in a fur cap , wore gold - rimmed spectacles , had brown whiskers and smoked big cigars and even gave the sergeant his card , but the paper didn 't identify him . When they police mentioned they had a murder earlier in the evening , the Toledo alderman said " He would have kinder liked to have seen it " . It is said he spent the rest of the evening at a resort ( brothel ) in the Tenderloin , passing out badges from Toledo with a picture of a frog on them promoting Toledo as the Ohio Centennial City for 1902 . During Christmas season of 1929 , the Churchill family from Lima was headed to Toledo during a blizzard . This was long before I - 75 , so the popular route was Dixie Highway and somewhere near Van Buren , Mr . Churchill heard and felt something hit the front of his car … and the car kept going , but slowed considerably by the weight of something at the front of his car . He couldn 't see it because of the blowing snow … . but stopped " a few rods " down the road and discovered a bull impaled by its horns into the radiator of the car . I never have been able to find out what became of two young men , William Robb and Don Taylor , of Toledo , who in 1934 rigged up a " wheelbarrow " like contraption and called themselves the " human bicycle " . It was basically composed of a bicycle wheel … and a saddle like seat into which one man is suspended face down in a stretched out position , while grasping the axle of the front wheel , while the other fellow grabs his ankles and pushes . They set out July 17th in New York City , made it back to Toledo by August 22 . They were to set out again for Los Angeles in the next few days . Always wondered if they made it . I 've scanned numerous subsequent editions of the News bee but never found a follow - up story about their exploits . The August 7th , 1927 News Bee holds the story of one - Johnny Mack of Toledo . He had just been set free for the Ohio Penitentiary after serving five years for a crime he didn 't commit . Mack , it seems , had been charged and convicted of a bread truck payroll robbery in Toledo in 1922 . Said he couldn 't believe he was convicted and sent to prison because he was innocent and had nothing to do with it . His pleas to the police and the courts were ignored . Eventually though , after the trial , more evidence did come to light that Mack was telling the truth . Even the judge started having his doubts and ordered investigators to look into it . Finally a confession from the real bandit came forth , and Mack was set free , at the age of 40 , in poor health and a prison record . He said he harbors no resentment . There 's always something seductive about stories of buried treasure and Toledo has a few of them . One of them I found in a 1911 News Bee article about a quest for as much as $ 37 , 000 at Duby 's Knob near Point Place . Somewhere in the vicinity of today 's intersection of Summit and Manhattan . The front page article reveals the tale of a a party of men digging to find an elusive long - lost " treasure " that was reportedly buried not far from the Maumee River banks in 1862 . Someone had placed a spike in an elm tree to mark the site and men had been looking for it for many years . The leader of this new crop of prospectors was Benjamin Heller who had invented a " detector " device and was using it to locate the largess of gold coins in the rear of Duby 's Saloon at 3727 Summit . At nine feet down into the clay , the men had yet to find anything and had drawn little more than lots of curious and dubious spectators . As written in the News Bee . " There wasn 't a very big crowd at first but the residents of the Bayshore district soon got wind of what was going on and began to edge over back of Duby 's place . Mother Hubbarded women , buxom and happy , left their washboards and clothes and came over to have a peek at the constantly growing hole in the ground . " H 'm they 'd better be home splitting wood , mused one , they 'd be getting a heap more . " And old bay fisherman spat complacently at the spike in the elm tree and observed , " Them pesky critters here agin - last fall they dug this marsh over , didn 't get nothing . Knew they wouldn 't . " Ever wonder how the city fathers decided on the Erie Street site to build the Safety Building which was not just a police headquarters but was the city hall site for decades . I found an article in an old News Bee explaining that the land was called the " Paine Estate " and was decided in March of 1905 that this block bounded by Erie , Jackson , Beech and Ontario would become the site for the new city hall . Not sure why it took another 20 years before it was built . This particular issue of the New Bee was filled with numerous little gems , including one that speaks of a city problem that we 'd love to have today . In 1905 , the city of Toledo had more money on hand than it could legally deposit into the banks . The city coffers were flush with well over 1 . 5 million dollars and the laws at the time had limits as to how much the city could deposit into a local bank . The city was forced to use " national " banks to store its cash . Nice problem . If you ever wonder why teachers have unions , might want to consider this story . In April of 1932 , as the area was being squeezed by the grip of the depression , Maumee school board voted to fire all of the married teachers whose husbands had jobs . Only single female teachers or those were married and were the sole support of their family would be offered contracts for the next school year . Folks at the University of Toledo may want to look around campus and find a piece of history . Washington Elm . On April 19th , 1932 , a descendant of the famous " Washington Elm " was planted on the campus at U . T . To honor the 200th anniversary of George Washington 's birthday . The Washington Elm , at Cambridge Massachusetts , was reputed for years is to have been the place where Washington took command of the Continental Army in 1775 . The story has been debunked , but the Elm stood until 1925 , and many limbs and branches were taken from it to make new trees , one of them presumably , if still on the UT campus , would be 82 years old . Bullet proof vests have been around for awhile , but Toledo Police may have had some of the first ones . News Bee article from November of 1921 shows Toledo inventor Albert Schwartz wearing a an early vest made of armor - plated steel which is being tested by Toledo Police . It looks like a grocer 's apron , made of canvas and layers of Norwegian steel . The city had purchased some samples and were trying to find volunteers who would allow themselves to be shot with . 45 caliber guns . If they couldn 't find any " volunteers " , they planned to use big hunks of beef . Toledo has given the nation many military heroes through the years who are fondly remembered and honored . One Toledo man , though , who was a national legend as a " fightin " man may not come readily mind with other local heroes . His name : " Lou Diamond " . An East Toledo kid who used to hunt rabbits near the Fire Station # 13 on Front Street with a sling shot and would later employ that prowess as a hunter to fight in not only the battlefields of World War I , but also those of World War Two . He was known as the " fightinest Marine on Guadalcanal " and it was his battlefield skills that are said to have helped win several key struggles in the Pacific against Japanese troops . Born Leland Diamond , he was from French Canadian stock and was described as a no - nonsense , tough - as - nails , hard - as - steel leatherneck . He rose to the rank of Master Gunnery Sergeant and was highly decorated from duty in both wars . Diamond was always eager to be in the center of the action and even at 53 years of age , he said he was not ready to retire , but he contracted malaria in the Pacific , and told a Toledo reporter in 1943 while on a visit home , " The " Japs " couldn 't get me , it took a mosquito to do it . " He suffered from the malaria for the rest of his life , which was only a matter of years . After World War two he returned to Toledo in 1945 and died in 1951 at the age of 61 . He is buried in Sylvania and , yes , in case you are wondering , the actor Lou Diamond Phillips , who plays in the TV drama " Longmire " is named for this Toledo war hero . Genoa , Ohio is quiet village . Not much noise , and not much big news . So rarely does it ever make national or world news . It has happened , but not often . Once for the deadly tornado back in 1920 , and another time for a sensational bank robbery nearly a century ago when the local druggist was shot to death . But perhaps the biggest local event that ever sent ripples beyond its village borders is one that few people today have ever heard of . It was a story so gripping that if it were to occur today , Genoa would likely have to endure a crush of TV crews and cameras all crowding each other to get the scoop . But there were no TV cameras back in the mid - 1800 's , just newspapers and while they did report this story , its notoriety has faded along with the ink of the old news print . The roots of this curious tale began to unfold in 1867 in Sandusky , Ohio with the kidnapping of a young three - year old girl by the name of Marie Lilly Bowers . From family records it is written that on October 26 , 1867 , a neighbor asked Mrs . Martha Bowers if it would be okay of their three - year old daughter , Marie Lilly , could come to their house for a few hours to play . Her mother agreed and so Lilly left with the neighbor woman . She would never return . On her way home that afternoon , she vanished . An immediate search was conducted by her frantic family members to no avail , and by the next day , much of the city became involved in the search . It was recounted in family records that every " vault and cistern " was searched and even nearby " Sandusky Bay " was dragged for her body , but not a " single clue " turned up . Days went by and still no sign of Marie Lilly Bowers . Most of the major newspapers of the time carried the story of the missing child and the desperate search by her parents James and Martha Bower to find their precious " Lilly " . Many of the stories mention speculation that she had perhaps been abducted by a group of " gypsies " who were camped nearby . Days passed into weeks and then months . Lilly was gone . Mr . Bowers for years later would buy advertisements in papers around the country in a vain attempt to find his daughter . But to no avail . Some leads were reported and followed , but in the end , all proved to be false . The only clues came in rumors and theories . The Bowers family even contacted Levi Stanley , the " King of the Gypsies " living in Dayton , and asked that he become involved , thinking he might be able to find out if any of " his people " had the child . Stanley reportedly became angry with the suggestion , although a child was brought forward as a possible candidate for the missing Lilly , but after Mrs . Bowers saw the girl , she knew it wasn 't her daughter . What the Bowers ' family didn 't know , was that about 50 miles east of Sandusky , near the small Ottawa County village of Genoa , on the farm of James and Jeanette Calkins , an old " gypsy " man by the name of Jack Patterson began working for them about the time that Lilly had vanished in 1867 . Old Jack , the gypsy , would work during the day for the Calkins while leaving his own " tawny " children in a nearby hovel during the day along with a child of a much lighter complexion . It was Marie Lilly Bowers . As the story is passed down in the Calkins ' family records , " One day Mrs . Calkins hearing screams rushed into the hut and rescued Lilly from the stove where she had been placed by the other children because she had refused to do their bidding . Soon after this , old Jack brought the child to Mrs . Calkins ' home . She was clothed in nothing but an old coffee - sac . The Calkins adopted the child . She was given the name " Ida Bell " . In the years that followed , Ida Bell Calkins grew up in rural Genoa and lived with her new parents , and her five step brothers on their 80 acre farm near the current intersection of State Route 51 and State Rt . 163 . Because she was so young , probably about three years old , when she was abducted , she had no recollection of her own family or her name . Because there were no local papers at the time in Genoa , the Calkins family never saw the numerous stories about the missing girl from Sandusky . By the time the young " Ida Bell " had grown to be a beautiful young woman of about 18 years , she had been schooled and raised to be a proper young church - going lady and traveled in " prominent circles " of friends . But Ida still wondered about her real identity and who her parents really were . Strangely she always favored the name Lilly and wished that it had been hers . She loved the name so much that she often gave her pets the name of Lilly . Then , seemingly out of the blue , Mrs . Bowers received word from friends in Sandusky that they had heard of a young woman in Genoa who might be the long lost Lilly . Quickly letters were exchanged with the Calkins ' family in Genoa and Mrs . Bowers soon made the trip south to Ohio to test another moment of truth . It was arranged that during a picnic at the old GAR hall in Genoa ( which still exists ) , Mrs . Bower was to look at a group of girls and see if she could identify her daughter . When she saw " Ida Bell " , she is said to have immediately picked her out as her daughter Lilly . There was no reunion that day , however , for Mrs . Bowers was to visit the Calkins home the next day to reveal herself to the girl . When Mrs . Bowers was brought into the room with the girl . . recognition was immediate . Further identification was verified by a birthmark on Lilly 's head and as Jeanette Calkins would later write , … " there was joy and weeping . " It was a miraculous mother and child reunion . After 14 long years , the misery and the mystery was over . Preparations were made at once for Marie Lilly Bowers to return to the family home in Hudson Michigan . Newspapers across the country began picking up the story and Genoa , Ohio was the place where this miracle story had taken place . Within weeks after the reunion , Ida Bell , or Marie Lilly , headed back to adopted hometown of Genoa and to marry a local man by the name of Daniel Cunningham . Curiously , within months , her biological baby sister , Edith Clara Bowers would also move from Hudson Michigan to Genoa to marry James Levi Calkins , Lilly 's stepbrother , with whom she had been raised . Both sisters remained in the vicinity until their deaths many years later . Lilly and Daniel eventually relocated to Gibsonburg where they raised two children , while her husband Daniel worked in the oilfields of Sandusky County . Lilly would later tell newspaper reporters that she felt very fortunate having two caring sets of parents . While she was very happy to have reunited with her real parents , the Bowers , she held the " highest and tenderest " regard for the James Calkins family of Genoa and could not ever think of moving away from them and deserting them in their old age . Marie Lilly " Ida Bell " Calkins - Cunningham lived in nearby Gibsonburg until she passed away at the early age of 45 , in 1910 from a mastoid infection . She is buried at Gibsonburg along with her two children and husband . January 5 , 2014 · 7 : 23 pm The Curse of Bairdstown … . truth or trifle ? My kinfolk , the Santmires , were from Bairdstown , Ohio . Grandma Ethel grew up there and that 's how I know about the town . But if you have never heard of it or been there , you 're not alone . Bairdstown is not much more than a fly speck on the map , a tiny forgotten cluster of humanity , about six miles due east of North Baltimore that has seen its better days . But at one time , a hundred years ago or so , back in the oil - field era , Bairdstown was a boom town . A much bigger burg , once brimming with promise and prosperity . Two hotels , plenty of saloons , stores , a barrel factory , and a reputation as a wild brawling village in the center of a prosperous oil patch . As a result there were plenty of oil and refinery workers who made the small southern Wood County hamlet their home , along with the many farmers who also toiled in the fields of " corn and crude " in this oil - rich region of Southern Wood County . So rich it was , during that era , it was considered the oil capital of America . Hard to believe , but true . But it also turns out that many of these once thriving villages in this rural countryside were also rich in legend and lore . One of those legends is the " Curse of Bairdstown " . As the legend has it , Bairdstown 's fortunes , or lack thereof , may have been determined by one old resident who lived there long before the advent of oil . His name was Jim Slater , and he and his wife , had settled in the area sometime in the 1840 's . Slater bought a quarter section of land ( a quarter square mile ) to farm and worked hard , to make it go , but the hardships were too much to overcome . He seemed cursed . His corn died , his cattle wouldn 't give milk , and fortune was fickle . Slater not only struggled and remained poor , but his wife died in childbirth from the cruel realities of a primitive pioneer environment . Adding to Slater 's bad luck , were the rumors that not only was he a nervous and irritable man , but that he was mentally unstable and given to a quick and violent temper . As a result , he was not well liked among his neighbors and had few or no friends . One farming season , according to an article from a 1937 Toledo News Bee , Slater persuaded his farm neighbor , William McMurray , to plant wheat in his field on shares . At harvest time , however , the friendly agreement as to how to to dispose of the wheat and split the profits became a point of argument between the men as Slater objected to McMurray taking the wheat off the land to be threshed . The argument sharpened and became a war of wills and McMurray decided to take it to the courts to decide . The courts agreed with McMurray and he won the legal case against Slater who became livid with anger and declared after the verdict , that the " wheat would do McMurray no good " . A few weeks later , the stacks of wheat in field were set ablaze and destroyed . There were also harnesses and other equipment stolen from McMurray 's barn . Slater quickly became the chief and convenient suspect in the arson and robbery as he was promptly arrested and taken to Perrysburg and thrown in jail . The evidence was weak at best and when his case finally did come to trial , Slater was acquitted . But what should have been reason to rejoice was not , for Slater had spent all of his money defending himself in court , and while he was in jail , he couldn 't tend to his farm and pay his creditors who wanted their loans paid off . Despite attempts to keep them at bay , a foreclosure was filed and the land that had been his farm was sold at a Sheriff 's sale to a prosperous farmer in the area by the name of Josiah ( John ) Baird . It was Baird who when took the land to plat out the plans for a small town . In 1874 , he built a hotel , a flour mill , a saw mill , and when the B & O railroad tracks were laid through this new village called Bairdstown , Baird 's future looked bright . Jim Slater , however , now penniless and embittered , angrily declared of the new town , " If there is a just God , he will curse this place till the end of eternity . The curse of the place goes with the wronged man and all who have had a hand in robbing me . " It is not written as to how the townspeople reacted upon hearing Slater 's curse , but it wasn 't long until the bright promise of the little community began to dim . Josiah Baird , who built the town was also facing problems with his creditors . They were relentless in pursuing his debts and took him to court . Then his sons , it was said , began to develop bad habits and did not tend well to their father 's business . Baird 's flour mill was burned down , by persons unknown and his cattle in the fields became ill and died . Baird saw his hopes dwindle and his good fortune whither , and wondered in Slater 's curse was something to take seriously . Believing that he might be jinxed , he left the town that bore his name and moved his family to Arkansas . He took up hotel keeping , but within a short while , both his wife and daughter took ill and died . Baird returned to Ohio , but far away from Bairdstown and lived out his years in the southern part of the state . Meanwhile , George Strain , the man who was the prosecuting attorney in the criminal case against Jim Slater developed a serious mental disorder and was put in an insane asylum where he died . And David Hayes , Slater 's defense attorney , also met with the ill winds of misfortune as he too went broke and his wife and daughter died . Slater , himself , not long after , died in the infirmary , the poor house , at Bowling Green where he is buried in a Potter 's field . From those years forward , Bairdstown has never been able to get past the curse of Jim Slater . Misfortunes and fires have bedeviled the community over the years . In 1890 , a train derailed on the B & O tracks in Bairdstown in February , resulting in several deaths . Then in July of that year , a series of mysterious fires , over a three - week period destroyed much of the Bairdstown business district . In 1894 , a hold up occurred on the B & O Railroad between Deshler and Bairdstown , ending with the murders of two men aboard the train . Even during the boom years of the oil - field wealth , Bairdstown never quite blossomed , as did other towns nearby , but always found itself doomed by some tragedy . Today , it is not much more than an aging curiosity along Route 18 between North Baltimore and Bloomdale . A collection of older homes , a cemetery , a set of railroad tracks and a public park named for my great uncle , Merle Santmire . Who I might add , never believed in Jim Slater 's curse . Said he didn 't have the time to ponder what he regarded as a trifle . But some people around Bairstown at least consider the notion that Slater 's angry oath may have in fact been more than just the crabby words of a ranting old man . And I confess that I too have given it a thought or too , for despite Uncle Merle 's cynicism , his father , my great - grandfather , Amos Santmire , in 1898 , at the age of 46 , the father of ten children , including my grandmother , was struck and killed by a freight train on the edge of this little troubled town … . . Bairdstown . Take the case of the Warren sisters of Toledo , for example , an odd case if ever there was one . Mary and Nanette ( Nattie , according to the 1910 census ) lived most of their adult lives at the family 's estate near downtown Toledo during the late 1800 's and early 1900 's . It is said they lived alone , as spinsters , after their father , Samuel Warren , a successful horse breeder and buggy manufacturer vanished one day in 1878 and was never heard from again . Police even dragged the cistern behind the house on 14th Street , but the body of Mr . Warren was never found . His disappearance was noted as an early Toledo mystery . The two young sisters were shaken by the unexplained loss of their father , but continued living with their mother in the years after . But then another tragic turn , as the girls ' mother , Mary Van Gorton Warren , died suddenly of a stroke . It now left the Warren girls on their own . The deaths of their parents , however , made these 20 - something daughters rather wealthy as they became the heirs of a significant estate . Not only did they receive the family home at 335 14th Street in Toledo , but several parcels of farm property on River Road , plantations in the south , and some type of sugar beet interests in California . Life should have been promising , but according to news stories of the time , the disappearance of the father and subsequent death of their mother also left the Warren girls with emotional issues . The youngest sister Mary developed serious mental health problems , becoming so serious that Mary eventually turned violent and lost the power of speech . In the meantime , the older sister Nanette , was not only left to care for her fragile sister in the Toledo family home , but was left in charge of running the entire family businesses . Thier lives took an even stranger turn when , in about 1912 , they moved from Toledo to Los Angeles . For reasons not entirely clear , but supposedly because of Mary 's state of health and state of mind . They would move to an apartment in the City of Angels and it was there that the lives of these reclusive sisters would make national headlines . In January of 1914 , the landlady of the apartments where they lived had been trying to deliver a message to them from a woman named Mildred Cline of Toledo , but the sisters wouldn 't , or couldn 't , answer the door . Fearing for their welfare , the landlady had the police break into the apartment to check on them and that 's where in one of the bedrooms , they found a starving Nanette lying in bed . Next to her was her sister Mary . Very dead and decomposing . Physicians said Mary had probably been dead for as many as three weeks prior . The news wire reports at the time said Nanette , who hadn 't eaten for about a week , was taken to a ward for the insane as investigators tried to unravel what might have happened inside the apartment and just how her younger sister had died . Adding to the mystery and intrigue was the discovery of half a bottle of chloroform poison near the body of Mary . Police also found valuable heirloom jewels in the room , dispelling rumors among their neighbors that the women had become impoverished because of bad business investments . Nurses caring for Nanette say the Toledo woman had no recollection of the events leading up to her sister 's death . Nor could she explain why every crack in the bedroom had been stuffed with rags . Fueling the suspicions even more was the fact that sister Nanette , would now stand to inherit the entire Warren estate worth about a half million dollars . That was an enviable fortune in 1914 . It prompted many questions and suspicions as newspaper readers from across the nation were treated to the story of the sisters ' secretive lives in Toledo and why they opted to remain unmarried , spurning the interest of many young suitors . The implied question was of course that Nanette had caused her sister 's death for the family fortune . It seemed a reasonable motive and police asked many questions , but in the end , Nanette was never charged , despite the many questions left unanswered . Within a week after the body of Mary was found , the coroner in Los Angeles said there would be no further investigation and the remains of Mary could be released for burial . A few days after the initial reports of the story , newspapers were writing that Nanette had received a gift of some violets from a woman who took pity on her situation , and it was the scent of the violets that helped clear her mind to begin talking with authorities about what happened . " I do like violets , " she said , although , after a few minutes , after talking about her childhood and life in Toledo , she then stopped and would not speak further . It was also reported that a man by the name of B . F . Mace contacted the coroner in Los Angeles and said he was living in the Warren homestead in Toledo and had power of attorney for the affairs of the estate and would come to California to help settle matters . Another man also claiming to be the next of kin of the sisters came froward from Toledo , George J . Waldvogel , and informed investigators the reason that Nanette protected and tried to hide the body of her sister was because she was afraid that authorities might bury her sister and she was abhorrent to the idea of her sister , or anyone , being buried in the " cold earth " . Waldvogel who had been married to the Warren 's sister aunt was attempting to have the body of Mary released to him to have it returned to Toledo to be interred in a mausoleum . And that is unfortunately where the story ends … at least for now . Did her remains ever make it back to Toledo , and did Nanette ever get released from the insanity ward to return to live out the remaining years of her life ? If so , where ? Who was B . F . Mace and did George Waldvogel ever get custody of Mary 's body ? Questions for which there are no convenient answers . The public trail of the Warren sisters journey onto the stage of notoriety stops abruptly after the first sensational stories of Mary 's mysterious death and Nanette 's vigil over her . After many checks of obit files , and cemetery indexes , census records , and newspaper accounts , the story grows cold and seems to vanish into oblivion . I will continue looking . Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this :
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This will be a quick read . It was another week plagued by rest due to injury , but I 'm not going to dwell on missed workouts . I still managed to run my 2nd fastest half marathon this past weekend as a training run , so even though the week overall was pretty minimal as far as workouts went , it ended up ok . ( On the days listed as " NOTHING " I usually did stretching and rolling but I don 't log those . ) One day this week I also got in to see the massage therapist at the chiro 's office and that hurt like Hell , but I don 't remember which day I went and I don 't think that really counts as exercise . Monday 4 / 22 / 13 - Plan RUN 4 MI - Did NOTHINGTuesday 4 / 23 / 13 - Plan SWIM ( : 30 ) - Did NOTHINGWednesday 4 / 24 / 13 - Plan RUN 4 MI tempo - Did BIKE 8 slow miles on the trainer . Thursday 4 / 25 / 13 - Plan RUN 4 MI / STRENGTH ( : 30 ) - Did NOTHING Friday 4 / 26 / 13 - Plan REST - Did REST - Plus some more stretching and rollingSaturday 4 / 27 / 13 - Plan RUN 13 . 1 miles - Did RUN 13 . 1 miles in 2 : 20 : 29 . Finished my 7th half marathon , the Rivertown Races Half Marathon , on a very hilly and hot course . This race was definitely a huge learning experience and taught me a bit about how little race results should matter . You can read my race recap here . Sunday 4 / 28 / 13 - Plan BIKE ( : 60 ) - did NOTHING but stretching , rolling , heat , ice and walking around the mall like Frankenstein with my girl . I need the next 4 weeks to go much better than the last 2 weeks have gone . While I 've had a couple of really great half marathons in there ( close enough to qualify for Half Fanatics status - but I 'm waiting to apply until I decide whether to throw in a 6th half in 6 months this June to get up to the next level ) , from a training aspect , these 2 weeks have really sucked . I 'm not beating myself up over it though . It is what it is . Posted by Since I didn 't have a cool new recipe to share today , I debated whether to write a race report for Saturday 's half marathon instead . Since I was using it as a training run , I hadn 't decided if it needed a race report , but since it was an official race and I want a record of how the day went , I decided to try and write . I sat at the computer for a long time trying to put thoughts to words and I had to leave it and come back . I really struggled with how I felt about Saturday 's run and I didn 't want the recap to be full of doom and gloom my tweeps got enough of that on twitter Sunday morning . Race day really wasn 't a bad day at all but how I reacted to it wasn 't the greatest . It was a beautiful day on a tough course and I got to share it with friends . It just took most of Sunday to figure that out . The 10 days before the race : I 'm including this time - frame because it 's important . I had a great run at the Martian Half 2 weeks before but then severely overdid it on my runs immediately after - to the point of injuring my calves and hamstrings 10 days before the Rivertown Half . Ironically , that injury occurred only hours after I signed up for the race . Dumb . I didn 't run for 10 days , focusing instead on rolling and stretching my shredded legs , with only did a little biking thrown in here and there . I figured I 'd be fine considering I had a good base and had done a number of 11 and 12 mile runs , in addition to the 13 . 1 I raced my ass off in 2 weeks before . WRONG . The night before the race : I had been hydrating like it was my job but when one of my coworkers suggested heading out for margaritas after work , I decided , " why not ? " I ran to the school hosting packet pick - up on the way to the bar since it was right around the corner from my school . In and out in about 5 minutes . I didn 't even take a picture of the race shirt because I don 't like it at all . It 's a long - sleeve tech shirt but seems really small for a medium and is my " favorite " color - white . Seriously , race directors , NO WHITE SHIRTS ! Especially ones so sheer thFlat Bari is ready to go ! Race Day : I woke up before my alarm as usual and did my typical coffee , oatmeal , foam - rolling routine . Because the venue for the race had to change due to all the flooding in the area , runners were asked to park at our middle school and be shuttled to the race site . They had plenty of busses and there were 2 waiting when I got there at 7 . It was only about a 10 min ride to the race and I had plenty of time to finish a bottle of Nuun ( I 'm very glad I had that with me ) and use the restroom . I ran into a few friends who were running the 5k and then hung out with Mindy while we waited for Megan to get there . It was a little cool in the morning but also felt oddly humid . We waited inside the high school where the race would start and end until about 10 min before race start . Only in West Michigan will you get an honor guard and a prayer before the race . It was actually very cool . The race director also asked for 26 . 2 seconds of silence to honor those killed or injured during the Boston Marathon bombings . It was great to see Megan and Mindy again . We snapped a quick picture before we started and then waited for the gun . There were pace groups with signs as to where to line up , but it seemed no one was really paying attention . I think we lined up behind the 9mm sign but only because we really couldn 't get back any farther . The first half of the race felt great . My legs were well rested from not running for so long and everything felt easy . I knew I had to take things easy and was trying to run by feel , but was also keeping an eye on my splits so I wouldn 't be running too fast . Mindy and I stuck together and it seemed we were both doing quite well considering we 'd each just set huge half marathon PRs just a week earlier ( for her ) and 2 weeks earlier ( for me ) . I was definitely feeling warm early on , which was a concern because I really couldn 't shed any clothes . Even with the hills and walking through each aide station because I wasn 't carrying water , my splits were really good : 10 : 17 , 10 : 46 ( this was a dirt road with an aide station ) , 10 : 16 , 10 : 18 , 10 : 04 , 10 : 14 , 10 : 50 . After the turn around in the middle of the 7th mile , I realized we had the wind at our back for the first half . Running into the breeze made the run a little more challenging but also helped with the over - heating . I was really feeling the sun beating down and now I was running INTO the sun - with no hat or sunglasses . It sucked . The main road we were running on was not only hilly , but had a pretty significant slant . My right hip ( the one on the higher part of the road ) was starting to hurt . A lot . Every step - especially on any downhills - felt like my femur was being jammed into my hip socket . I started doing a little more walking after the aide stations but I wasn 't going to let the hills beat me . I ran every freaking hill . I was starting to struggle mentally as well . Somewhere around mile 8 , I saw one of my coworkers . I 've worked with her for 4 years but I could not remember her name for about 2 miles . My brain was going to mush . I did something else new on race day mid race because I felt like my 2 shot blocks every 3 miles were not cutting it . I started taking Gatorade at the aide station around mile 10 . I NEVER drink Gatorade because I can 't stand it , but I knew I was sweating a ton and was getting very depleted . I wanted to make sure I didn 't start cramping up . I finished in 2 : 20 : 29 ! Even with all the struggles in the 2nd half , I managed to pull off my 2nd fastest half marathon on a tough course in warm and sunny conditions that I hadn 't had a chance to train in . I had told one of my friends I would be thrilled with a 2 : 20 , but was ok with 2 : 30 because I knew this needed to be a training run . I hit my goal : ) I definitely learned a few things from this race . Signing up for another half only a few days after setting a PR ( and still riding the high ) was probably not the smartest move . I wasn 't 100 % healthy and in denial about it . I think I did a good job of listening to my body during this run , though , and not pushing too hard ( except I probably did go out too fast ) . I know trying new things on race day isn 't smart , and luckily all I ended up with was some chafing in an uncomfortable location , dehydration , and a sunburn . I think I need to carry water at longer races if the temp is above 40 . I also need to wear shorts if the temp is over 40 . It was almost 60 by the time I crossed the finish line and tights were HOT . Sunglasses or a hat are also a must if it 's sunny . Sunscreen probably would be a good idea too . I was really disappointed in how I hit the wall only 8 miles into the race , but the fact I was able to pull it together and still finish strong just shows how much I 've grown as a runner . I also learned I need to take race results with a grain of salt . When I saw the official race results Sunday morning and where I placed ( overall 231 / 290 , women 103 / 145 ) and in my age group ( 16 / 22 ) , I was really upset . I had just run my 2nd fastest half in less than ideal conditions and thought a 2 : 20 was a good race time . I bitched and whined on twitter and to my BFF about how seeing the rankings took the wind out of my sales . The responses were pretty awesome and I 'm doing my best to take all the positive comments to heart . The fact is . . . there will ALWAYS be people faster than me and comparing myself to them is only going to hurt me . I am currently running in a crazy fast age group ( in this race , the top 10 in my age group were all under 2 : 05 ) and many of those women have probably been running for more years than me . I can 't control who shows up for races , what their running backgrounds are , the conditions of the course or what the weather will be . 2 : 20 is still a great race time - especially when you consider where I started and the times of my other halves . I 've improved a ton in only a few years . I 'm coming back from a major injury and I 'm stronger and faster than I 've ever been . The Rivertown Races Half Marathon was a very well - run race , especially when you consider this was the inaugural year and all the natural disasters going on all around the race location . Needing to move the race literally days before could 've been a mess , but the race directors did a fantastic job communicating with runners via email and their Facebook page . Shuttles to and from the race were great and the bus drivers were very nice . The aide stations were well staffed and there was plenty of water , Gatorade and gu ( for those who wanted it ) . They had portajons set up at one spot on the out / back course as well . Even though the road was open and traffic was moving along the course , I felt pretty safe ( this was definitely a concern of mine when I drove the course a couple days before the race ) . Police and EMS were visible and the race voI hope Rivertown Races will be back again next year - it 's not often I get the opportunity to be a streaker ! Posted by To add injury to insult , I managed to hurt myself literally hours after I signed up and paid my $ 55 . I haven 't run since last week Wednesday and have barely done anything else besides a couple easy bike rides , stretching , rolling and lots of Bengay . On the plus side , my hamstrings feel about 80 % and my calves are at about 70 % , so I think I can run tomorrow without too much pain . After much waiting , the race directors announced a few days ago what the alternate course would be . This course is fairly familiar to me because it 's basically the route from my worst 10 mile race ever , plus 3 . 1 miles - those extras are at least that flat section in the middle . I drove the course at lunch yesterday to refresh my sour memories and it 's exactly what I remembered : hills , 2 miles of rutted dirt roads , more hills , and an open out and back route on a high - speed road with no shoulder . Awesomesauce ! . . . it made sense to move the race and I 'm glad it 's still being held , but I have some safety concerns with the condition of the roads and traffic . Also , because I 'm trying to stay healthy for Bayshore , my goals for this one have been radically changed . I had no intention of racing this ( then again , I didn 't plan on racing Martian either and I ended up with 17 minute PR and ran a 2 : 10 ) but I also don 't want to end up with a really bad race time either . I 'd like to say it doesn 't matter to me but it does . Still , I promised a few friends that I wouldn 't push tomorrow and I would keep my eyes on the big prize , which is a great race at Bayshore . Surprised since I barely burned a calorie this week . I 'll take it but I worry the loss is muscle loss & not fat loss because I haven 't been able to run in a week . The rational side of my brain says that 's not true , but the running addicted side disagrees . On the plus side , my hamstrings and calves are slightly less sore today and I have a little more hope of being able to complete Saturday 's half marathon / training run . Granted , the " less sore " might have something to do with the ridiculous amount of Bengay slathered over the lower half of my body . Anyone know if that stuff comes in bulk ? This week was pretty much a disaster . I 'd come off of a HUGE PR at the Martian Half the weekend before and rather than go easy on my runs I just jumped right back into the training schedule . It was incredibly stupid and a huge rookie mistake . I should know better but because I was dumb and didn 't give my legs a chance to rest , I may have completely screwed up my chances for decent runs at the next 3 races I have on the schedule . I 'm now dealing with a very pissed off hamstrings and calves . I 'm waking up with leg cramps and they just feel shredded . It 's totally my fault and I 'm pretty much beating myself up over it . I 'm sad . I 'm worried about ending up with another serious injury like last year . Worrying and being upset is what I do so please don 't tell me to relax or just go out and have fun with my runs . Going out and having fun wasn 't the goal when I started training for Bayshore . PRing the crap out of it was . Who knows what will happen now . Monday 4 / 15 / 13 - Plan RUN 3 MI & STRENGTH ( : 30 ) - Did RUN 3 . 1 miles easy with no watch . Looking at the clock when I was done put it at about 33 min ( 10 : 40 pace ) . My legs were heavy and my calves hurt during the run . Skipped the strength work . Tuesday 4 / 16 / 13 - Plan SWIM ( : 20 ) - Did WALK 26 . 2 minutes ( 1 . 8 miles ) for # Boston at lunch the STRENGTH ( : 30 ) after school . Wednesday 4 / 17 / 13 - Plan RUN 5 MI tempo incl middle 3 at 9 : 22 pace - Did RUN 5 MI tempo with middle 3 at 9 : 22 pace ( overall 49 min and a 9 : 50 pace ) . My hamstring started to hurt early in the run and so did my calves . I stopped several times to try and stretch but I had it in my head that I was getting 5 miles and faster didn 't hurt any worse than slower so I kept pushing . This was incredibly STUPID and I could barely walk when I got done . I ended up icing my hamstring when I got home . How pathetic that one stupid run may have fucked up everything for the next 5 weeks . Thursday 4 / 18 / 13 - Plan RUN 2 MI / STRENGTH ( : 30 ) - Did NOTHING but stretching and rolling . Got into the chiro for a massage and she beat up my legs for the full hour . Lots of trigger points and it hurt so much that there were a few times I actually got queasy . I left that appointment very sad . Friday 4 / 19 / 13 - Plan REST - Did REST - Plus some more stretching and rolling , but pretty much everything hurt - stairs , regular walking , everything . Saturday 4 / 20 / 13 - Plan RUN 10 miles - Did BIKE 18 miles in 1 : 37 : 32 ( that would be slow as fuck if you want to do the math ) / STRETCH ( : 15 ) . What a sharp contrast to my PR 13 . 1 miles the weekend before . I thought I was over being injured and needing to swap out biking for running , but I guess not . Sunday 4 / 21 / 13 - Plan BIKE ( 60 ) - did NOTHING but stretching and rolling . What a difference a week makes . Last week I was riding a great post - race PR high and this week I " m wondering how I 'm going to pull off the next 5 weeks and still finish Bayshore with a smile on my face . I 'm feeling defeated and I haven 't even lined up at the starting line yet . It 's like last spring all over again . Do you follow Shrinking Kitchen ? If you don 't , you really should . Every weekend , they post a menu for the week that can totally take the guesswork out of menu planning . Last week , the ladies at Shrinking Kitchen posted some serious winners . This is my take on their Spicy Pulled Pork Tostadas with Lime Cumin Slaw . It was absolutely AMAZING and the family ate it up - even my girl who claims to not really like Mexican food . You can click on the link up there to get their recipe plus they have a fancy ZipList plugin so you can save it . I made a couple changes but for the most part followed it pretty much as written . I noted my changes below . Toss together gently and place in the fridge for at least an hour . ( I did this step at lunch time and it seemed like a huge amount , but by dinner time it had " shrunk " . ) To Assemble Tostadas Place two tortillas on a plate , and add shredded pork , slaw and any other toppings you like : light sour cream , pico de gallo , avocado or light shredded cheese work well . I just put extra cilantro and a squirt of lime on each of mine . I still have 1 / 2 a pork shoulder in the freezer , so I wouldn 't be surprised if this makes it into the rotation again this week . It really was delicious and I LOVED the slaw . I 'd probably even kick up the heat a little bit more next time . I had enough left over for one taco for lunch the next day - it reheated great but was much better the night before with corn tortillas rather than the flour tortilla I used for lunch . I have my very first " Flood Day " today . We 're off school because of widespread flooding in my area . It 's absolutely crazy and I 'm praying for the people in the area who literally have lost everything because of the floodwaters . What does this have to do with Fitness Friday ? My next 2 races happen to be directly in the path of the floodwaters of the Grand River . The river hasn 't even crested yet and already downtown is flooded . I want to go check out the water for myself , but instead I 'm staying dry and just posting some pics that others have posted to Facebook . source I know there is an alternate course already planned for the River Bank Run 25k on 5 / 11 ( not sure when they decide which course will be used , but right now it 's looking like the alternate ) . I 'm not sure yet if the Rivertown Races Half Marathon ( that is a week from tomorrow ) has figured out what they are doing yet . Have you ever had a " flood day " ? Ever had a race change due to flooding ? So , why am I saying maintaining this week is my fault ? Because I haven 't been tracking , I barely worked out last week because I was sick and I ran a half marathon on Saturday so I fueled well and then tried not to eat all the things the rest of the weekend but sorta failed . I should be glad it wasn 't a gain . I need to start ramping up my workouts again . I didn 't taper much for the race because it was supposed to be more of a training run , but oops - I raced the shit out of it . That 's the problem with having races as training runs I guess . It 's hard not to go out and do your best . Now I 'm still really sore and have another race in less than 4 weeks ( River Bank Run 25K ) and then another 2 weeks after that ( Bayshore Half ) . The goal is to make it to Bayshore fast and uninjured . Hopefully I can pull that off . * note - I wrote this post on Sunday , before all of the events unfolded in Boston yesterday and I considered not posting the original post at all . I 'm incredibly sad and my heart is breaking for the individuals who were injured or lost their lives yesterday afternoon , for their families , and for all of the people of Boston . It 's absolutely unfathomable to me that this occurred . It makes no sense to me and I 'm sure never will . I will ( in all likelihood ) never run the Boston Marathon , but I know what it feels like to train and pour your heart and soul into something you love . I know how proud I am when I watch friends and loved ones reach a goal - whether that goal was to run a block or 26 . 2 miles . The fact that those events were occurring when the unthinkable happened just breaks my heart . However , I know that the running community is strong and we support each other . Watching footage of runners heading TOWARD the blasts to help those injured is just a testament to that strength . The evil that occurred in Boston yesterday will not win . I know a number of people personally who were in Boston yesterday , either running or spectating , and I 'm giving thanks to God tonight that they are all ok . " Do not be overcome by evil , but overcome evil with good " Romans 12 : 21 It looks like this was both lucky and unlucky week 13 for me . I got really sick so the vast majority of my workouts did not happen , but I did manage to do something awesome on Saturday , which also happened to be a 13th : ) " 8 " has always been my lucky number , but that might change now . Monday 4 / 8 / 13 - Plan RUN 4 MI speedwork incl w / u , 2x1600 at 8 : 55 w / 800 jogs , c / d - Did RUN 4 miles speedwork . Hit the TM before work not feeling 100 % . Hit the paces but really struggled and averaged a 9 : 45 across the workout . Realized I was sick . Tuesday 4 / 9 / 13 - Plan SWIM ( : 20 ) - Did NOTHING Wednesday 4 / 10 / 13 - Plan RUN ( 3 miles ) / STRENGTH ( : 30 ) - Did NOTHING Saturday 4 / 13 / 13 - Plan RUN 13 . 1 miles - Did RUN 13 . 1 miles in 2 : 10 : 36 ( 9 : 58 pace ) - I set a HUGE new PR at the Martian Invasion of Races Half Marathon . You can read all about it here if you missed the race report yesterday . Sunday 4 / 14 / 13 - Plan SWIM ( : 20 ) - Did BIKE ( : 30 ) / Stretch and Roll ( : 20 ) . Needed to try and work out some of the soreness in my legs . So , my disastrous beginning of the week turned out to be pretty awesome . I had no intention of Martian being my " A " race for the year , and I guess it still isn 't , but I 'm starting to re - think my goals for Bayshore . I figure I 'll talk about them in the next 5 weeks or so . For now I just want to recover from Martian and get ready for the 25k I have coming up in less than 4 weeks . Again , not going in as a huge PR quest , but it would be nice . Posted by When I registered for the Martian Invasion of Races Half Marathon several months ago , I signed up knowing I had a 10 miler on my schedule that weekend but figured a race with fun bling and only 3 . 1 miles more would be a better use of my Saturday . Little did I know how much of a roller - coaster it was going to be . My long runs ( really , most of my training runs ) had been going exceptionally well and I was blowing away most of my training paces . Then . . . I got sick . REALLY sick . I spent half of Tuesday and all day Wednesday in bed with one of the worst sinus infections I 've ever had , complete with fever , body aches , the whole nine yards . I hadn 't originally planned on running the Martian as a race , but with things going so well , I figured a PR was in the cards . However , since I was still not feeling 100 % by Friday , it meant my race goals were seriously adjusted . When the weather reports shifted from 50 and sunny to 30 with snow / wind / rain , I figured any hopes of a great race were doomed . I live about 2 . 5 hours from where this race is held and made plans to spend the night with friends about 25 minutes from the race site Friday night . I scooted out of work on Friday and hauled butt over to Dearborn , MI ( home of Ford Motor Company , among other things ) to get to the expo before it closed . The race expo , held at the Ford Community and Performing Arts Center ( think 1 / 2 symphony hall and 1 / 2 sports complex ) , wasn 't very huge but was decorated with lots of little green , purple and blue aliens . Tons of kids were running around with their own inflatable martians ( there is a kid 's " marathon " as part of the race weekend that also included a full , half , 10k and 5k ) . It was pretty cute . Like most expos , you had to snake through all the vendors before you could get to your bib and shirt pickup . Not a big deal , but I still find that a bit annoying . There wasn 't really anything I was interested it but they had some big beer glasses with the race logo on them , so I bought one to use later . I spent maybe 30 minutes or so at the expo and then headed to my friend 's place . It was pretty late by the time I got there ( a little after 8pm ) and I don 't normally drink the night before a race , but the Bell 's Porter was too hard to pass up . Jen and I split one . And then split another . I think it helped me relax a bit , and let 's face it , a few extra carbs never hurt anyone . The conversation was good and it was great to catch up with Dave and Jen . Around 9 : 30 or so , I headed to bed and had my usual pre - race - night of tossing and turning and waking up before my alarm . Because I was less than 1 / 2 an hour from the start and my race didn 't begin until 8 : 45 , I was able to sleep in until about 6 : 00 who am I kidding , I didn 't sleep . I was a little stressed out driving into Dearborn because a ) driving in Detroit just plain sucks , and b ) I had no idea where in the heck to park , but I acted like a lemming and followed the crowd , finally finding a lot with some open spaces about 1 / 2 a mile from the start . The walk to the starting line at Ford Park was a nice warm up ( even though it was FREEZING out ) . It 's hard to see from this picture , but who starts a race on an uphill ? I mean , seriously ? The benefit was I knew I wouldn 't go out too fast : ) I did what is becoming my usual pre - race warm - up of a 5 minute jog followed by 4 strides . This coupled with the walk from the car definitely had me warm and I was really questioning if I was overdressed ( long sleeve tech shirt , Nike Element jacket , warm hat , CW - X tights , and Team Sparkle Skirt ) . I figured , if I needed , I could tuck the hat in my belt and tie the jacket around my waist . At least the Aliens would be able to spot me if I got off course . I lined up in the corrals ( really just a roped off area ) about in the middle of the pack . They had signs for pace areas but the signs stopped at 10mm and that was still a bit ahead of where I 'd managed to push my way up to . I knew it was going to be crowded at the start and didn 't want to weave around a ton of people , but I also wasn 't going to line up with the 8mm folks . I 'm not that person . The day before the race , everyone got an email indicating Hines Drive , where a majority of the half and full take place , was under water . It had been raining for DAYS and this poor course follows a flood plain . They said no worries , we have an alternate course and everything will be fine . It turns out , the " alternate route " was also impassable because of torn up roads , so the race directors frantically created a new - new course the night before ( or maybe even that morning ) . I still haven 't heard if it ended up being certified or not . What we actually ran . As we are standing in the corrals , I 'm noticing that 8 : 45 has come and gone . I started my playlist 4 times before the race actually began around 9 : 00 . Not sure what the delay was , but no big deal I guess . I just kept jumping around and dancing to Lose Yourself by Eminem ( it 's always song number 1 on all my running playlists ) to stay warm since I 'd finished my warm up a good 30 minutes before we actually started running . I 'm not going to give a mile - by - mile recap of this race because frankly , I can 't really remember everything and the looping out - and - back course made it hard to know where I was at any given moment . It was nice to always have people around me and the out - and - back style meant I got to see the leaders fly by and also never be alone on the course . I was trying to just go out and run because I didn 't want to stress about pace , but I 'll admit I looked at my watch . A LOT . I couldn 't believe how fast I was running but I also felt good so I just went with it . I took off my hat at mile 2 because I was hot and spent the race zipping and unzipping my jacket . I 'd get warm but then the wind would kick in and I 'd get cold . My legs felt like lead at mile 4 and I thought I 'd made a huge rookie mistake of going out too fast , but I was able to pull my shit together . I remember a few other things , like the sleet and snow that started at mile 6 and both myself and the girl running next to me yelling out " yes ! " and " bring it on " because you really just have to laugh at that point . We gave each other a fist bump and then I 'm proud to say I left her in my dust . I remember looking at my watch right at 6 . 2 miles and realizing I 'd set a 10k PR ( I think it said 1 : 03 ) . I remember not really looking around much because my eyes were so focused on the ground . I noticed a few nice houses but mostly , the roads were TERRIBLE and the potholes were scary . The last thing I wanted was to roll an ankle or fall . I also remember the 2 wooded bridges once we hit the nature preserve behind U of M , Dearborn ( around mile 11 or so ) . These bridI still can 't believe I ran mile 13 at a 9 : 34 pace . When I looked down at my watch after I crossed the finish , I was both shocked and a little disappointed . My watch said 13 . 02 miles . Was the course short ? Maybe , but I had at least 13 so I 'm going with it . BUT . . . my watch also said 2 : 10 : 41 . 2 : 10 was never on my radar . Before I got sick , I had 2 : 15 in the back of my mind . I went into Saturday morning hoping to pull off 2 : 20 . I smoked that goal and set a half marathon PR by over 17 minutes ! ! ! ! After trying to recover by sitting on the curb and eating part of a bagel , I was able to head over to Buffalo Wild Wings and meet Lori ! ! ! She was sitting at the table when the race reports were finally posted and it was so awesome to be able to celebrate with someone . Lori ran a great 10k that morning too ! To say I 'm thrilled with how well I ran on Saturday would be a huge understatement . I set out to just run . I had no real expectations other than still hoping for a PR . I knew I didn 't want to walk but was prepared to if needed . I wanted to have fun and finish the race with a smile . Smashing my PR ( that I set back in Oct 2010 at my VERY FIRST HALF ) by 17 minutes was just unreal . I 'm running a little half marathon tomorrow morning , the Martian Half in Dearborn , MI . When I signed up many months ago , I was just looking at this race as a training run with bling . It has a great medal , it fit into my Bayshore training , and I 've wanted to run it for a few years . This IS Michigan after all . I should 've expected the weather to turn to shit . 25 mph wind gusts ? Rain ? Cold ? I thought this was supposed to be spring ! Well played , Mother Nature . It appears the meds I got at the doctor on Tuesday are starting to kick in . I 'm cautiously optimistic that I 'm still going to be able to run my half marathon on Saturday . Source You get the picture . I know I ate like shit this past week and even though I worked out nearly every day until Monday when I just couldn 't function anymore , I was sure I would still be way up today . I got lucky but not lucky enough since I 'm still up from where I was 2 weeks ago . Monday 4 / 1 / 13 - Plan RUN 2 miles / STRENGTH 30 - Did watchless RUN 3 . 2 miles 31 : 53 ( 9 : 58 pace ) . I was still feeling pretty drained from Saturday 's long run and tried to run this " easy " . Apparently my easy pace is what my uber fast pace used to be . Tuesday 4 / 2 / 13 - Plan SWIM ( : 25 min ) - Did BIKE - With my house guest , getting to the gym for a swim was tough , plus I had to take a trip to Chicago for the day , so the trainer it was . Just under 10 miles in 45 minutes . Wednesday 4 / 3 / 13 - Plan RUN ( 5 mile tempo ) - Did RUN 5 mile tempo in 46 : 55 ( 9 : 21 pace average , including the 1 mile w / u and 1 mile c / d ) . Not sure where this came from , but I 'll take it ! Thursday 4 / 4 / 13 - Plan RUN 2 miles / STRENGTH ( : 30 ) - Did CORE - I tried to do a core circuit and ended up quitting after 30 minutes . It happens . Friday 4 / 5 / 13 - Plan REST - Did BIKE - 11 miles in about 58 minutes OUTSIDE ! ! ! My daughter and I went for a nice ( but freezing ) bike ride . I rode my old hybrid because the roads and my nerves aren 't ready for my road bike and new pedals . Saturday 4 / 6 / 13 - Plan RUN 9 miles - Did RUN 9 miles in 1 : 31 : 20 ( 10 : 08 pace ) . I ran with some friends for the first half and then solo for the last half . Lots of hills , an easy pace for 7 miles and then busted out a 9 : 30 and 9 : 20 for the last 2 miles . Feeling pretty strong ( other than the cold ) about my training so far . Sunday 4 / 7 / 13 - Plan BIKE ( 60 min ) - Did Nothing . Took a rest day . Obviously , the training plan is still pretty much off the rails . No swimming and the biking and strength training have been minimal . This is what usually happens at the mid point of training for me . I get the runs in , but the rest tends to fall by the wayside . I 'm trying not to let the happen but events of the last couple weeks have been pretty crazy , so the fact I 've gotten as much done - workout wise - is pretty much a victory . We love a good no - bake energy bite cookie in this house . I have a peanut butter & chocolate chip one that I 've made a few times , but this time I decided to try something different with the dried cherries I got at my group run on Saturday . I give you Chocolate Cherry Energy Bites 4 . Put in the fridge for a bit to cool . Then use a teaspoon to scoop dough & roll into 1 inch balls . Makes about 2 dozen . My girl and I made it outside for an 11 mile bike ride this morning . It was FREEZING and so windy , but was a welcome change from the trainer . Maybe by summer I 'll be ready to try out my road bike & new pedals , but for now I 'll have to be happy with a slower than molasses ride on my hybrid . Are you enjoying some spring - like weather where you live ? I 'm still waiting for it to really arrive here . - Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone I really believe it was all the hills in the Knoxville Half Marathon on April 1st last year that did me in so I consider that date my injury date - I waited a couple weeks to actually see a doctor - don 't do this . Trust me . I 've been very reluctant to post anything related to the 1 year anniversary of being diagnosed with a stress fracture ( or stress reaction , depending on which doctor I talked to ) . I didn 't want to jinx myself . This week I finally registered for the 25k that I had to DNS and spectate in my boot last year . I 've been very cautious about verbalizing or posting any goals for my half on 4 / 13 or my " A " race half in May . I 've been posting my training but goals have only been shared with a select few and even with them I 'm scared to say a time goal out loud . I 'm being cautiously optimistic . I 'm also nervous as hell that something is going to go horribly wrong and I 'll be right back where I was last year at this time , scooting up and down the stairs on my ass because I couldn 't bear weight on my shin . I run . I eat . Sometimes I 'm a triathlete but mostly I 'm a runner . I love to change my hair so I probably don 't look like my profile picture : ) I parent now college - aged twins . I love a great craft beer and I 'm trying to find my way back to my goal weight .
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This will be a quick read . It was another week plagued by rest due to injury , but I 'm not going to dwell on missed workouts . I still managed to run my 2nd fastest half marathon this past weekend as a training run , so even though the week overall was pretty minimal as far as workouts went , it ended up ok . ( On the days listed as " NOTHING " I usually did stretching and rolling but I don 't log those . ) One day this week I also got in to see the massage therapist at the chiro 's office and that hurt like Hell , but I don 't remember which day I went and I don 't think that really counts as exercise . Monday 4 / 22 / 13 - Plan RUN 4 MI - Did NOTHINGTuesday 4 / 23 / 13 - Plan SWIM ( : 30 ) - Did NOTHINGWednesday 4 / 24 / 13 - Plan RUN 4 MI tempo - Did BIKE 8 slow miles on the trainer . Thursday 4 / 25 / 13 - Plan RUN 4 MI / STRENGTH ( : 30 ) - Did NOTHING Friday 4 / 26 / 13 - Plan REST - Did REST - Plus some more stretching and rollingSaturday 4 / 27 / 13 - Plan RUN 13 . 1 miles - Did RUN 13 . 1 miles in 2 : 20 : 29 . Finished my 7th half marathon , the Rivertown Races Half Marathon , on a very hilly and hot course . This race was definitely a huge learning experience and taught me a bit about how little race results should matter . You can read my race recap here . Sunday 4 / 28 / 13 - Plan BIKE ( : 60 ) - did NOTHING but stretching , rolling , heat , ice and walking around the mall like Frankenstein with my girl . I need the next 4 weeks to go much better than the last 2 weeks have gone . While I 've had a couple of really great half marathons in there ( close enough to qualify for Half Fanatics status - but I 'm waiting to apply until I decide whether to throw in a 6th half in 6 months this June to get up to the next level ) , from a training aspect , these 2 weeks have really sucked . I 'm not beating myself up over it though . It is what it is . Posted by Since I didn 't have a cool new recipe to share today , I debated whether to write a race report for Saturday 's half marathon instead . Since I was using it as a training run , I hadn 't decided if it needed a race report , but since it was an official race and I want a record of how the day went , I decided to try and write . I sat at the computer for a long time trying to put thoughts to words and I had to leave it and come back . I really struggled with how I felt about Saturday 's run and I didn 't want the recap to be full of doom and gloom my tweeps got enough of that on twitter Sunday morning . Race day really wasn 't a bad day at all but how I reacted to it wasn 't the greatest . It was a beautiful day on a tough course and I got to share it with friends . It just took most of Sunday to figure that out . The 10 days before the race : I 'm including this time - frame because it 's important . I had a great run at the Martian Half 2 weeks before but then severely overdid it on my runs immediately after - to the point of injuring my calves and hamstrings 10 days before the Rivertown Half . Ironically , that injury occurred only hours after I signed up for the race . Dumb . I didn 't run for 10 days , focusing instead on rolling and stretching my shredded legs , with only did a little biking thrown in here and there . I figured I 'd be fine considering I had a good base and had done a number of 11 and 12 mile runs , in addition to the 13 . 1 I raced my ass off in 2 weeks before . WRONG . The night before the race : I had been hydrating like it was my job but when one of my coworkers suggested heading out for margaritas after work , I decided , " why not ? " I ran to the school hosting packet pick - up on the way to the bar since it was right around the corner from my school . In and out in about 5 minutes . I didn 't even take a picture of the race shirt because I don 't like it at all . It 's a long - sleeve tech shirt but seems really small for a medium and is my " favorite " color - white . Seriously , race directors , NO WHITE SHIRTS ! Especially ones so sheer thFlat Bari is ready to go ! Race Day : I woke up before my alarm as usual and did my typical coffee , oatmeal , foam - rolling routine . Because the venue for the race had to change due to all the flooding in the area , runners were asked to park at our middle school and be shuttled to the race site . They had plenty of busses and there were 2 waiting when I got there at 7 . It was only about a 10 min ride to the race and I had plenty of time to finish a bottle of Nuun ( I 'm very glad I had that with me ) and use the restroom . I ran into a few friends who were running the 5k and then hung out with Mindy while we waited for Megan to get there . It was a little cool in the morning but also felt oddly humid . We waited inside the high school where the race would start and end until about 10 min before race start . Only in West Michigan will you get an honor guard and a prayer before the race . It was actually very cool . The race director also asked for 26 . 2 seconds of silence to honor those killed or injured during the Boston Marathon bombings . It was great to see Megan and Mindy again . We snapped a quick picture before we started and then waited for the gun . There were pace groups with signs as to where to line up , but it seemed no one was really paying attention . I think we lined up behind the 9mm sign but only because we really couldn 't get back any farther . The first half of the race felt great . My legs were well rested from not running for so long and everything felt easy . I knew I had to take things easy and was trying to run by feel , but was also keeping an eye on my splits so I wouldn 't be running too fast . Mindy and I stuck together and it seemed we were both doing quite well considering we 'd each just set huge half marathon PRs just a week earlier ( for her ) and 2 weeks earlier ( for me ) . I was definitely feeling warm early on , which was a concern because I really couldn 't shed any clothes . Even with the hills and walking through each aide station because I wasn 't carrying water , my splits were really good : 10 : 17 , 10 : 46 ( this was a dirt road with an aide station ) , 10 : 16 , 10 : 18 , 10 : 04 , 10 : 14 , 10 : 50 . After the turn around in the middle of the 7th mile , I realized we had the wind at our back for the first half . Running into the breeze made the run a little more challenging but also helped with the over - heating . I was really feeling the sun beating down and now I was running INTO the sun - with no hat or sunglasses . It sucked . The main road we were running on was not only hilly , but had a pretty significant slant . My right hip ( the one on the higher part of the road ) was starting to hurt . A lot . Every step - especially on any downhills - felt like my femur was being jammed into my hip socket . I started doing a little more walking after the aide stations but I wasn 't going to let the hills beat me . I ran every freaking hill . I was starting to struggle mentally as well . Somewhere around mile 8 , I saw one of my coworkers . I 've worked with her for 4 years but I could not remember her name for about 2 miles . My brain was going to mush . I did something else new on race day mid race because I felt like my 2 shot blocks every 3 miles were not cutting it . I started taking Gatorade at the aide station around mile 10 . I NEVER drink Gatorade because I can 't stand it , but I knew I was sweating a ton and was getting very depleted . I wanted to make sure I didn 't start cramping up . I finished in 2 : 20 : 29 ! Even with all the struggles in the 2nd half , I managed to pull off my 2nd fastest half marathon on a tough course in warm and sunny conditions that I hadn 't had a chance to train in . I had told one of my friends I would be thrilled with a 2 : 20 , but was ok with 2 : 30 because I knew this needed to be a training run . I hit my goal : ) I definitely learned a few things from this race . Signing up for another half only a few days after setting a PR ( and still riding the high ) was probably not the smartest move . I wasn 't 100 % healthy and in denial about it . I think I did a good job of listening to my body during this run , though , and not pushing too hard ( except I probably did go out too fast ) . I know trying new things on race day isn 't smart , and luckily all I ended up with was some chafing in an uncomfortable location , dehydration , and a sunburn . I think I need to carry water at longer races if the temp is above 40 . I also need to wear shorts if the temp is over 40 . It was almost 60 by the time I crossed the finish line and tights were HOT . Sunglasses or a hat are also a must if it 's sunny . Sunscreen probably would be a good idea too . I was really disappointed in how I hit the wall only 8 miles into the race , but the fact I was able to pull it together and still finish strong just shows how much I 've grown as a runner . I also learned I need to take race results with a grain of salt . When I saw the official race results Sunday morning and where I placed ( overall 231 / 290 , women 103 / 145 ) and in my age group ( 16 / 22 ) , I was really upset . I had just run my 2nd fastest half in less than ideal conditions and thought a 2 : 20 was a good race time . I bitched and whined on twitter and to my BFF about how seeing the rankings took the wind out of my sales . The responses were pretty awesome and I 'm doing my best to take all the positive comments to heart . The fact is . . . there will ALWAYS be people faster than me and comparing myself to them is only going to hurt me . I am currently running in a crazy fast age group ( in this race , the top 10 in my age group were all under 2 : 05 ) and many of those women have probably been running for more years than me . I can 't control who shows up for races , what their running backgrounds are , the conditions of the course or what the weather will be . 2 : 20 is still a great race time - especially when you consider where I started and the times of my other halves . I 've improved a ton in only a few years . I 'm coming back from a major injury and I 'm stronger and faster than I 've ever been . The Rivertown Races Half Marathon was a very well - run race , especially when you consider this was the inaugural year and all the natural disasters going on all around the race location . Needing to move the race literally days before could 've been a mess , but the race directors did a fantastic job communicating with runners via email and their Facebook page . Shuttles to and from the race were great and the bus drivers were very nice . The aide stations were well staffed and there was plenty of water , Gatorade and gu ( for those who wanted it ) . They had portajons set up at one spot on the out / back course as well . Even though the road was open and traffic was moving along the course , I felt pretty safe ( this was definitely a concern of mine when I drove the course a couple days before the race ) . Police and EMS were visible and the race voI hope Rivertown Races will be back again next year - it 's not often I get the opportunity to be a streaker ! Posted by To add injury to insult , I managed to hurt myself literally hours after I signed up and paid my $ 55 . I haven 't run since last week Wednesday and have barely done anything else besides a couple easy bike rides , stretching , rolling and lots of Bengay . On the plus side , my hamstrings feel about 80 % and my calves are at about 70 % , so I think I can run tomorrow without too much pain . After much waiting , the race directors announced a few days ago what the alternate course would be . This course is fairly familiar to me because it 's basically the route from my worst 10 mile race ever , plus 3 . 1 miles - those extras are at least that flat section in the middle . I drove the course at lunch yesterday to refresh my sour memories and it 's exactly what I remembered : hills , 2 miles of rutted dirt roads , more hills , and an open out and back route on a high - speed road with no shoulder . Awesomesauce ! . . . it made sense to move the race and I 'm glad it 's still being held , but I have some safety concerns with the condition of the roads and traffic . Also , because I 'm trying to stay healthy for Bayshore , my goals for this one have been radically changed . I had no intention of racing this ( then again , I didn 't plan on racing Martian either and I ended up with 17 minute PR and ran a 2 : 10 ) but I also don 't want to end up with a really bad race time either . I 'd like to say it doesn 't matter to me but it does . Still , I promised a few friends that I wouldn 't push tomorrow and I would keep my eyes on the big prize , which is a great race at Bayshore . Surprised since I barely burned a calorie this week . I 'll take it but I worry the loss is muscle loss & not fat loss because I haven 't been able to run in a week . The rational side of my brain says that 's not true , but the running addicted side disagrees . On the plus side , my hamstrings and calves are slightly less sore today and I have a little more hope of being able to complete Saturday 's half marathon / training run . Granted , the " less sore " might have something to do with the ridiculous amount of Bengay slathered over the lower half of my body . Anyone know if that stuff comes in bulk ? This week was pretty much a disaster . I 'd come off of a HUGE PR at the Martian Half the weekend before and rather than go easy on my runs I just jumped right back into the training schedule . It was incredibly stupid and a huge rookie mistake . I should know better but because I was dumb and didn 't give my legs a chance to rest , I may have completely screwed up my chances for decent runs at the next 3 races I have on the schedule . I 'm now dealing with a very pissed off hamstrings and calves . I 'm waking up with leg cramps and they just feel shredded . It 's totally my fault and I 'm pretty much beating myself up over it . I 'm sad . I 'm worried about ending up with another serious injury like last year . Worrying and being upset is what I do so please don 't tell me to relax or just go out and have fun with my runs . Going out and having fun wasn 't the goal when I started training for Bayshore . PRing the crap out of it was . Who knows what will happen now . Monday 4 / 15 / 13 - Plan RUN 3 MI & STRENGTH ( : 30 ) - Did RUN 3 . 1 miles easy with no watch . Looking at the clock when I was done put it at about 33 min ( 10 : 40 pace ) . My legs were heavy and my calves hurt during the run . Skipped the strength work . Tuesday 4 / 16 / 13 - Plan SWIM ( : 20 ) - Did WALK 26 . 2 minutes ( 1 . 8 miles ) for # Boston at lunch the STRENGTH ( : 30 ) after school . Wednesday 4 / 17 / 13 - Plan RUN 5 MI tempo incl middle 3 at 9 : 22 pace - Did RUN 5 MI tempo with middle 3 at 9 : 22 pace ( overall 49 min and a 9 : 50 pace ) . My hamstring started to hurt early in the run and so did my calves . I stopped several times to try and stretch but I had it in my head that I was getting 5 miles and faster didn 't hurt any worse than slower so I kept pushing . This was incredibly STUPID and I could barely walk when I got done . I ended up icing my hamstring when I got home . How pathetic that one stupid run may have fucked up everything for the next 5 weeks . Thursday 4 / 18 / 13 - Plan RUN 2 MI / STRENGTH ( : 30 ) - Did NOTHING but stretching and rolling . Got into the chiro for a massage and she beat up my legs for the full hour . Lots of trigger points and it hurt so much that there were a few times I actually got queasy . I left that appointment very sad . Friday 4 / 19 / 13 - Plan REST - Did REST - Plus some more stretching and rolling , but pretty much everything hurt - stairs , regular walking , everything . Saturday 4 / 20 / 13 - Plan RUN 10 miles - Did BIKE 18 miles in 1 : 37 : 32 ( that would be slow as fuck if you want to do the math ) / STRETCH ( : 15 ) . What a sharp contrast to my PR 13 . 1 miles the weekend before . I thought I was over being injured and needing to swap out biking for running , but I guess not . Sunday 4 / 21 / 13 - Plan BIKE ( 60 ) - did NOTHING but stretching and rolling . What a difference a week makes . Last week I was riding a great post - race PR high and this week I " m wondering how I 'm going to pull off the next 5 weeks and still finish Bayshore with a smile on my face . I 'm feeling defeated and I haven 't even lined up at the starting line yet . It 's like last spring all over again . Do you follow Shrinking Kitchen ? If you don 't , you really should . Every weekend , they post a menu for the week that can totally take the guesswork out of menu planning . Last week , the ladies at Shrinking Kitchen posted some serious winners . This is my take on their Spicy Pulled Pork Tostadas with Lime Cumin Slaw . It was absolutely AMAZING and the family ate it up - even my girl who claims to not really like Mexican food . You can click on the link up there to get their recipe plus they have a fancy ZipList plugin so you can save it . I made a couple changes but for the most part followed it pretty much as written . I noted my changes below . Toss together gently and place in the fridge for at least an hour . ( I did this step at lunch time and it seemed like a huge amount , but by dinner time it had " shrunk " . ) To Assemble Tostadas Place two tortillas on a plate , and add shredded pork , slaw and any other toppings you like : light sour cream , pico de gallo , avocado or light shredded cheese work well . I just put extra cilantro and a squirt of lime on each of mine . I still have 1 / 2 a pork shoulder in the freezer , so I wouldn 't be surprised if this makes it into the rotation again this week . It really was delicious and I LOVED the slaw . I 'd probably even kick up the heat a little bit more next time . I had enough left over for one taco for lunch the next day - it reheated great but was much better the night before with corn tortillas rather than the flour tortilla I used for lunch . I have my very first " Flood Day " today . We 're off school because of widespread flooding in my area . It 's absolutely crazy and I 'm praying for the people in the area who literally have lost everything because of the floodwaters . What does this have to do with Fitness Friday ? My next 2 races happen to be directly in the path of the floodwaters of the Grand River . The river hasn 't even crested yet and already downtown is flooded . I want to go check out the water for myself , but instead I 'm staying dry and just posting some pics that others have posted to Facebook . source I know there is an alternate course already planned for the River Bank Run 25k on 5 / 11 ( not sure when they decide which course will be used , but right now it 's looking like the alternate ) . I 'm not sure yet if the Rivertown Races Half Marathon ( that is a week from tomorrow ) has figured out what they are doing yet . Have you ever had a " flood day " ? Ever had a race change due to flooding ? So , why am I saying maintaining this week is my fault ? Because I haven 't been tracking , I barely worked out last week because I was sick and I ran a half marathon on Saturday so I fueled well and then tried not to eat all the things the rest of the weekend but sorta failed . I should be glad it wasn 't a gain . I need to start ramping up my workouts again . I didn 't taper much for the race because it was supposed to be more of a training run , but oops - I raced the shit out of it . That 's the problem with having races as training runs I guess . It 's hard not to go out and do your best . Now I 'm still really sore and have another race in less than 4 weeks ( River Bank Run 25K ) and then another 2 weeks after that ( Bayshore Half ) . The goal is to make it to Bayshore fast and uninjured . Hopefully I can pull that off . * note - I wrote this post on Sunday , before all of the events unfolded in Boston yesterday and I considered not posting the original post at all . I 'm incredibly sad and my heart is breaking for the individuals who were injured or lost their lives yesterday afternoon , for their families , and for all of the people of Boston . It 's absolutely unfathomable to me that this occurred . It makes no sense to me and I 'm sure never will . I will ( in all likelihood ) never run the Boston Marathon , but I know what it feels like to train and pour your heart and soul into something you love . I know how proud I am when I watch friends and loved ones reach a goal - whether that goal was to run a block or 26 . 2 miles . The fact that those events were occurring when the unthinkable happened just breaks my heart . However , I know that the running community is strong and we support each other . Watching footage of runners heading TOWARD the blasts to help those injured is just a testament to that strength . The evil that occurred in Boston yesterday will not win . I know a number of people personally who were in Boston yesterday , either running or spectating , and I 'm giving thanks to God tonight that they are all ok . " Do not be overcome by evil , but overcome evil with good " Romans 12 : 21 It looks like this was both lucky and unlucky week 13 for me . I got really sick so the vast majority of my workouts did not happen , but I did manage to do something awesome on Saturday , which also happened to be a 13th : ) " 8 " has always been my lucky number , but that might change now . Monday 4 / 8 / 13 - Plan RUN 4 MI speedwork incl w / u , 2x1600 at 8 : 55 w / 800 jogs , c / d - Did RUN 4 miles speedwork . Hit the TM before work not feeling 100 % . Hit the paces but really struggled and averaged a 9 : 45 across the workout . Realized I was sick . Tuesday 4 / 9 / 13 - Plan SWIM ( : 20 ) - Did NOTHING Wednesday 4 / 10 / 13 - Plan RUN ( 3 miles ) / STRENGTH ( : 30 ) - Did NOTHING Saturday 4 / 13 / 13 - Plan RUN 13 . 1 miles - Did RUN 13 . 1 miles in 2 : 10 : 36 ( 9 : 58 pace ) - I set a HUGE new PR at the Martian Invasion of Races Half Marathon . You can read all about it here if you missed the race report yesterday . Sunday 4 / 14 / 13 - Plan SWIM ( : 20 ) - Did BIKE ( : 30 ) / Stretch and Roll ( : 20 ) . Needed to try and work out some of the soreness in my legs . So , my disastrous beginning of the week turned out to be pretty awesome . I had no intention of Martian being my " A " race for the year , and I guess it still isn 't , but I 'm starting to re - think my goals for Bayshore . I figure I 'll talk about them in the next 5 weeks or so . For now I just want to recover from Martian and get ready for the 25k I have coming up in less than 4 weeks . Again , not going in as a huge PR quest , but it would be nice . Posted by When I registered for the Martian Invasion of Races Half Marathon several months ago , I signed up knowing I had a 10 miler on my schedule that weekend but figured a race with fun bling and only 3 . 1 miles more would be a better use of my Saturday . Little did I know how much of a roller - coaster it was going to be . My long runs ( really , most of my training runs ) had been going exceptionally well and I was blowing away most of my training paces . Then . . . I got sick . REALLY sick . I spent half of Tuesday and all day Wednesday in bed with one of the worst sinus infections I 've ever had , complete with fever , body aches , the whole nine yards . I hadn 't originally planned on running the Martian as a race , but with things going so well , I figured a PR was in the cards . However , since I was still not feeling 100 % by Friday , it meant my race goals were seriously adjusted . When the weather reports shifted from 50 and sunny to 30 with snow / wind / rain , I figured any hopes of a great race were doomed . I live about 2 . 5 hours from where this race is held and made plans to spend the night with friends about 25 minutes from the race site Friday night . I scooted out of work on Friday and hauled butt over to Dearborn , MI ( home of Ford Motor Company , among other things ) to get to the expo before it closed . The race expo , held at the Ford Community and Performing Arts Center ( think 1 / 2 symphony hall and 1 / 2 sports complex ) , wasn 't very huge but was decorated with lots of little green , purple and blue aliens . Tons of kids were running around with their own inflatable martians ( there is a kid 's " marathon " as part of the race weekend that also included a full , half , 10k and 5k ) . It was pretty cute . Like most expos , you had to snake through all the vendors before you could get to your bib and shirt pickup . Not a big deal , but I still find that a bit annoying . There wasn 't really anything I was interested it but they had some big beer glasses with the race logo on them , so I bought one to use later . I spent maybe 30 minutes or so at the expo and then headed to my friend 's place . It was pretty late by the time I got there ( a little after 8pm ) and I don 't normally drink the night before a race , but the Bell 's Porter was too hard to pass up . Jen and I split one . And then split another . I think it helped me relax a bit , and let 's face it , a few extra carbs never hurt anyone . The conversation was good and it was great to catch up with Dave and Jen . Around 9 : 30 or so , I headed to bed and had my usual pre - race - night of tossing and turning and waking up before my alarm . Because I was less than 1 / 2 an hour from the start and my race didn 't begin until 8 : 45 , I was able to sleep in until about 6 : 00 who am I kidding , I didn 't sleep . I was a little stressed out driving into Dearborn because a ) driving in Detroit just plain sucks , and b ) I had no idea where in the heck to park , but I acted like a lemming and followed the crowd , finally finding a lot with some open spaces about 1 / 2 a mile from the start . The walk to the starting line at Ford Park was a nice warm up ( even though it was FREEZING out ) . It 's hard to see from this picture , but who starts a race on an uphill ? I mean , seriously ? The benefit was I knew I wouldn 't go out too fast : ) I did what is becoming my usual pre - race warm - up of a 5 minute jog followed by 4 strides . This coupled with the walk from the car definitely had me warm and I was really questioning if I was overdressed ( long sleeve tech shirt , Nike Element jacket , warm hat , CW - X tights , and Team Sparkle Skirt ) . I figured , if I needed , I could tuck the hat in my belt and tie the jacket around my waist . At least the Aliens would be able to spot me if I got off course . I lined up in the corrals ( really just a roped off area ) about in the middle of the pack . They had signs for pace areas but the signs stopped at 10mm and that was still a bit ahead of where I 'd managed to push my way up to . I knew it was going to be crowded at the start and didn 't want to weave around a ton of people , but I also wasn 't going to line up with the 8mm folks . I 'm not that person . The day before the race , everyone got an email indicating Hines Drive , where a majority of the half and full take place , was under water . It had been raining for DAYS and this poor course follows a flood plain . They said no worries , we have an alternate course and everything will be fine . It turns out , the " alternate route " was also impassable because of torn up roads , so the race directors frantically created a new - new course the night before ( or maybe even that morning ) . I still haven 't heard if it ended up being certified or not . What we actually ran . As we are standing in the corrals , I 'm noticing that 8 : 45 has come and gone . I started my playlist 4 times before the race actually began around 9 : 00 . Not sure what the delay was , but no big deal I guess . I just kept jumping around and dancing to Lose Yourself by Eminem ( it 's always song number 1 on all my running playlists ) to stay warm since I 'd finished my warm up a good 30 minutes before we actually started running . I 'm not going to give a mile - by - mile recap of this race because frankly , I can 't really remember everything and the looping out - and - back course made it hard to know where I was at any given moment . It was nice to always have people around me and the out - and - back style meant I got to see the leaders fly by and also never be alone on the course . I was trying to just go out and run because I didn 't want to stress about pace , but I 'll admit I looked at my watch . A LOT . I couldn 't believe how fast I was running but I also felt good so I just went with it . I took off my hat at mile 2 because I was hot and spent the race zipping and unzipping my jacket . I 'd get warm but then the wind would kick in and I 'd get cold . My legs felt like lead at mile 4 and I thought I 'd made a huge rookie mistake of going out too fast , but I was able to pull my shit together . I remember a few other things , like the sleet and snow that started at mile 6 and both myself and the girl running next to me yelling out " yes ! " and " bring it on " because you really just have to laugh at that point . We gave each other a fist bump and then I 'm proud to say I left her in my dust . I remember looking at my watch right at 6 . 2 miles and realizing I 'd set a 10k PR ( I think it said 1 : 03 ) . I remember not really looking around much because my eyes were so focused on the ground . I noticed a few nice houses but mostly , the roads were TERRIBLE and the potholes were scary . The last thing I wanted was to roll an ankle or fall . I also remember the 2 wooded bridges once we hit the nature preserve behind U of M , Dearborn ( around mile 11 or so ) . These bridI still can 't believe I ran mile 13 at a 9 : 34 pace . When I looked down at my watch after I crossed the finish , I was both shocked and a little disappointed . My watch said 13 . 02 miles . Was the course short ? Maybe , but I had at least 13 so I 'm going with it . BUT . . . my watch also said 2 : 10 : 41 . 2 : 10 was never on my radar . Before I got sick , I had 2 : 15 in the back of my mind . I went into Saturday morning hoping to pull off 2 : 20 . I smoked that goal and set a half marathon PR by over 17 minutes ! ! ! ! After trying to recover by sitting on the curb and eating part of a bagel , I was able to head over to Buffalo Wild Wings and meet Lori ! ! ! She was sitting at the table when the race reports were finally posted and it was so awesome to be able to celebrate with someone . Lori ran a great 10k that morning too ! To say I 'm thrilled with how well I ran on Saturday would be a huge understatement . I set out to just run . I had no real expectations other than still hoping for a PR . I knew I didn 't want to walk but was prepared to if needed . I wanted to have fun and finish the race with a smile . Smashing my PR ( that I set back in Oct 2010 at my VERY FIRST HALF ) by 17 minutes was just unreal . I 'm running a little half marathon tomorrow morning , the Martian Half in Dearborn , MI . When I signed up many months ago , I was just looking at this race as a training run with bling . It has a great medal , it fit into my Bayshore training , and I 've wanted to run it for a few years . This IS Michigan after all . I should 've expected the weather to turn to shit . 25 mph wind gusts ? Rain ? Cold ? I thought this was supposed to be spring ! Well played , Mother Nature . It appears the meds I got at the doctor on Tuesday are starting to kick in . I 'm cautiously optimistic that I 'm still going to be able to run my half marathon on Saturday . Source You get the picture . I know I ate like shit this past week and even though I worked out nearly every day until Monday when I just couldn 't function anymore , I was sure I would still be way up today . I got lucky but not lucky enough since I 'm still up from where I was 2 weeks ago . Monday 4 / 1 / 13 - Plan RUN 2 miles / STRENGTH 30 - Did watchless RUN 3 . 2 miles 31 : 53 ( 9 : 58 pace ) . I was still feeling pretty drained from Saturday 's long run and tried to run this " easy " . Apparently my easy pace is what my uber fast pace used to be . Tuesday 4 / 2 / 13 - Plan SWIM ( : 25 min ) - Did BIKE - With my house guest , getting to the gym for a swim was tough , plus I had to take a trip to Chicago for the day , so the trainer it was . Just under 10 miles in 45 minutes . Wednesday 4 / 3 / 13 - Plan RUN ( 5 mile tempo ) - Did RUN 5 mile tempo in 46 : 55 ( 9 : 21 pace average , including the 1 mile w / u and 1 mile c / d ) . Not sure where this came from , but I 'll take it ! Thursday 4 / 4 / 13 - Plan RUN 2 miles / STRENGTH ( : 30 ) - Did CORE - I tried to do a core circuit and ended up quitting after 30 minutes . It happens . Friday 4 / 5 / 13 - Plan REST - Did BIKE - 11 miles in about 58 minutes OUTSIDE ! ! ! My daughter and I went for a nice ( but freezing ) bike ride . I rode my old hybrid because the roads and my nerves aren 't ready for my road bike and new pedals . Saturday 4 / 6 / 13 - Plan RUN 9 miles - Did RUN 9 miles in 1 : 31 : 20 ( 10 : 08 pace ) . I ran with some friends for the first half and then solo for the last half . Lots of hills , an easy pace for 7 miles and then busted out a 9 : 30 and 9 : 20 for the last 2 miles . Feeling pretty strong ( other than the cold ) about my training so far . Sunday 4 / 7 / 13 - Plan BIKE ( 60 min ) - Did Nothing . Took a rest day . Obviously , the training plan is still pretty much off the rails . No swimming and the biking and strength training have been minimal . This is what usually happens at the mid point of training for me . I get the runs in , but the rest tends to fall by the wayside . I 'm trying not to let the happen but events of the last couple weeks have been pretty crazy , so the fact I 've gotten as much done - workout wise - is pretty much a victory . We love a good no - bake energy bite cookie in this house . I have a peanut butter & chocolate chip one that I 've made a few times , but this time I decided to try something different with the dried cherries I got at my group run on Saturday . I give you Chocolate Cherry Energy Bites 4 . Put in the fridge for a bit to cool . Then use a teaspoon to scoop dough & roll into 1 inch balls . Makes about 2 dozen . My girl and I made it outside for an 11 mile bike ride this morning . It was FREEZING and so windy , but was a welcome change from the trainer . Maybe by summer I 'll be ready to try out my road bike & new pedals , but for now I 'll have to be happy with a slower than molasses ride on my hybrid . Are you enjoying some spring - like weather where you live ? I 'm still waiting for it to really arrive here . - Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone I really believe it was all the hills in the Knoxville Half Marathon on April 1st last year that did me in so I consider that date my injury date - I waited a couple weeks to actually see a doctor - don 't do this . Trust me . I 've been very reluctant to post anything related to the 1 year anniversary of being diagnosed with a stress fracture ( or stress reaction , depending on which doctor I talked to ) . I didn 't want to jinx myself . This week I finally registered for the 25k that I had to DNS and spectate in my boot last year . I 've been very cautious about verbalizing or posting any goals for my half on 4 / 13 or my " A " race half in May . I 've been posting my training but goals have only been shared with a select few and even with them I 'm scared to say a time goal out loud . I 'm being cautiously optimistic . I 'm also nervous as hell that something is going to go horribly wrong and I 'll be right back where I was last year at this time , scooting up and down the stairs on my ass because I couldn 't bear weight on my shin . I run . I eat . Sometimes I 'm a triathlete but mostly I 'm a runner . I love to change my hair so I probably don 't look like my profile picture : ) I parent now college - aged twins . I love a great craft beer and I 'm trying to find my way back to my goal weight .
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Howdy humans ! I got transfered ! ! I 'm in Corpus Christie now and it reminds me a lot of California so it 's super weird haha . It 's really pretty and right near the beach and there are people of lots of different races here , not just Latinos ! And everyone speaks English and we eat white people food and we 're allowed to stop eating if we 're full … what the heck ? ! So I love it here . I still feel a little culture shocked cuz I 'm so used to the Tex - Mex culture but I 'll get back into the white person life soon haha . And yesterday was awesome cuz all the missionaries in this mission went to Mcallen yesterday for a meeting with Elder Holland of the quorum of the 12 apostles ! Heck ya ! He is so great ! We all felt the Spirit really strong when he walked into the room . He 's a super powerful teacher , and we could tell he loves us a lot . He spoke really highly of us individually and collectively as a mission . It was great to hear straight from an Apostle that we 're doing a good job ! He talked a lot about the importance of depending on the Holy Ghost to guide us . He reminded us that having the Holy Hhost with us is just like Jesus Christ himself being with us all the time , which was a cool way to think about it . He also nearly cried when he talked about some missionaries losing their faith after their missions and he told us that if we ever lose our faith after our mission we better not run into him or we 'll be in trouble ! I love you peeps ! Hey Peeps ! It 's been a great week ! We played " Jesus Says " with the primary kids at church . It 's like Simon Says but with Jesus so that was pretty awesome and adorable . Also a while ago Elder Jardine and I wrote a song for our zone and we recorded it so I 'll see if I can send it to you guys . We 've been seeing miracles err day ! The other day a teenage girl named Elizabeth came with us to visit a family that we have been teaching lately . Elizabeth is a new convert to the church and she had never gone to a lesson with the missionaries before so she was really nervous . We really wanted her to have an awesome experience and feel the joy of sharing her testimony so we prayed like crazy that everything would work out well . We knocked on the family 's door and no one answered . So we tried by another person who lives close by , but they didn 't answer either . Then we went to a third and a fourth house and STILL no one answered the door . We felt really bad cuz we really wanted Elizabeth to see how awesome missionary work is , so we all said a prayer together that we could find someone who needed us . Right after the prayer , someone we had met before that lived really close popped into our minds so we went and knocked her door and she opened ! We had an awesome visit with her , and then she referred us to her friend that she felt we could help as well , so we visited her friend and Elizabeth shared her testimony with her . Elizabeth felt really good about it after , and we could tell that experience strengthened her faith . Heavenly Father is such a great guy ! ' How would you like to be me , doing your work and minding your own business , when you are suddenly alarmed by an email report that your son was in an accident . " An incident has been reported for your organization by Brennen Lemar Eisenhut at meisenhut @ calljensen . com email address . Please see the attached summary report for details . If you have questions or would like to be contacted about this incident , please email us at riskincidents @ ldschurch . org and reference the incident number . Regards , The Risk Management Claims Response Team " It was a beautiful spring afternoon in Laredo , Texas . The birds were chirping , the Catholics were praying , and the smell of tacos filled the air . It was like any other P - day , or so we thought . We were pulling in to our parking spot at our apartment complex . The right side of our parking space is a painted line , and the left side is a wall . Ever so carefully , we made a slow , sharp right turn into our parking space . When to our horror , the front left corner of our truck scraped against the wall . Howdy from South Texas ! It 's been a great week . Yesterday Elder Herrin and I got to go to Zapata to baptize a guy named Paul , who we taught when we were there 5 months ago . After I left Zapata Paul 's wife and son got baptized , so he was the last one . Now the whole family is on the path ! Woohoo ! It was a super funny baptism cuz this guy is HUUUGE . Like MUY grande . I 'd say he 's a good 450 pounds . He 's a big boy . We walked far into the lake so the water was up to our belly buttons so that we didn 't have to tip him back very far . We each took a side of him and did a heroic mega - lunge and somehow got him down and back up with no problems . We felt like champions after that . Also a cool miracle we saw this week was we were looking at a list of less active members of the Church and Elder Jardine felt really strongly that we needed to visit a certain person who was on the list . So we went there and that person wasn 't home , but their dad was there and didn 't have time to talk but he told us his neighbor could probly use a visit . So we went to the neighbor and her name is Natalie and she 's been receiving a lot of signs from God lately that its time to straighten out her life and follow Him , so she just poured out her heart to us and told us about her struggles and doubts and fears about God . She even told us that she feels unworthy to go to Church because she struggles with same - gender attraction . We helped her understand that we are all tempted in different ways , like some people feel tempted to drink alcohol and do drugs and others are tempted to get angry and be rude to people . Feeling tempted is not a sin , but acting on those temptations is a sin . We taught her about the atonement and testified to her that Jesus Christ loves her the way she is right now and can help her overcome her temptations . She felt the Holy Spirit very strong and decided to work toward being baptized and starting fresh . It was so cool to feel that God guided us to find her and then guided us to know what to say to help her . Have Mama and Dad , I love how you guys said ur missionary efforts have increased since I 've been out . Y ' all are stud missionaries ! You could keep praying for the same people I sent you before , and for Natalie . U r so awesome ! I love you ! Salutations humans ! We had an awesome week ! Elder Jardine and I made a legit rap for our zone we 'll have to record it and get rich . One awesome miracle was that I was super hungry so I prayed to find some food and right after I prayed a lady waved us down and gave us some money to go get food ! She is a member of the church but she hasn 't come in years , and when I told her that I had just been praying for food right before she came she was shocked ! She called us the next day and told us that when I told her that , she felt a great feeling and she invited us over for dinner and asked us to bless her twin baby girls . We had dinner at her parents house , who are active members of the church . They bore testimony to her that her Heavenly Father loves her and that He is waiting for her to come back , all she has to do is reach out to Him . She cried as we blessed the babies , and she was very grateful that we came . It was so crazy to see how Heavenly Father made us cross paths right when we needed her and she needed us ! So awesome ! We also had some really good meetings this week . We had a meeting with President Maluenda in McAllen on Thursday and then on Friday we had a meeting with all the missionaries in North Laredo . We had their parents send us voicemails talking about the blessings they have received as their child has been out serving a mission . Everyone felt the Holy Spirit very strong and there were a lot of tears . All the missionaries shared their thoughts and feelings after and they were all reminded of why they came out here on a mission in the first place and they were pumped to go serve everyone they can ! Thanks for ur voicemail Mama and Dada ! I love you ! Elder Holland 's talk was my favorite . It was a good " we got this " talk . We haven 't had contact with that man ( that got thrown in the Rio Grande ) but we will call him and see if we can find him again . I love you Pops ! I love you Mommy thanks for ur awesome voicemail ! Thanks for the Easter gift ! I got a bunny , book , grass , Toblerone , and chocolate eggs . Thanks Mama ! I 'm out of time but I 've been doing really good . I 'm hugging you in my mind ! Hey Peeps ! It 's ur boy Elder Eisenhut . I hope y ' all had a great Easter ! We sure did , we ate a lot of meat and cake and then went to another house and ate a lot of meat and cake and then we died . Except we didn 't actually die . We just felt like we were going to because our stomachs were threatening to explode . I now understand what Holly must feel like carrying that baby around ! So earlier this week we had a very sad but cool experience . A man walked up to us on the street and asked us if we had any shoes he could use . He was really beat up , he was bleeding on his head and arms and chest and his socks were shredded up and he was limping . He told us that just a little while before he was in Mexico and some members of a powerful drug cartel kidnapped him and some of his extended family that he was with . They beat him until they thought he was dead and then threw him in the Rio Grande River , which divides the U . S . and Mexico . He somehow got enough strength to cross the river over to the U . S . side and soon after was when he ran into us . So we walked with him to the store to buy him some shoes and in the mean time I gave him my shoes . Tt was a 15 - 20 minute walk so we had time to talk to him and learn more about what happened and about his life story . He 's a really good , humble , hardworking man , and I was amazed because he was actually very positive even after all he had been through . We got him his shoes and talked a little bit more . He cried a little bit , thinking that his family members that he was with were probably all dead . We testified to him about God 's plan for us to be with our families after this life . He was very very grateful , and couldn 't thank us enough . That experience humbled me a lot . I felt an overwhelming peace , and I remembered how much I think of myself and how many awesome blessings I have that I take for granted . I thought about all the times that I 've just gone through the motions as a missionary , not really focusing on how to bless the lives of everyone around me . Through that expI love you dad ! Natalia Vichareli set her own goal to be baptized on april 24th ! It was a huge miracle ! Thanks for the prayers . I know that helped a ton . We have been struggling to make contact with the other families but we are going to try by again tonight . I love you Mama ! Dang that sounds like a crazy trial ! I know you 'll win though , no one ever stands a chance against my Dada ! I 'll be praying for you for sure . There 's lots of great people you could pray for ! - Carla and her family . Their 3 year old daughter died in a car crash 3 weeks ago so they are having a really tough time . - Luis is a 22 year old guy with a girlfriend and a child with her . He wants to understand who God is and have a relationship with him . We 've been struggling to get him to come to church so you could pray for that as well 😀 - The Vichareli family . The two parents got baptized 20 years ago and soon after went inactive but they 've been coming back lately . We baptized the 14 year old daughter , Christhie , but they haven 't come to church since her baptism because of different things . The 21 year old daughter Natalie is scared to get baptized but we don 't know why . We are trying to help them all become more converted so that they can eventually be sealed in the temple . My most spiritual experience this week was meeting Carla and her family . Even though they are going through a really hard time they have amazing attitudes and they are staying positive for their kids . A member from the church , Sister Pacheco , came to the visit with us and cried as she testified of the restored gospel . The Spirit was super strong ! I love you familia ! Hey Peeps ! Lots of crazy things going on in Tmec ! This week has been great ! I survived through transfers . I 'm staying in Laredo with Elder Jardine . And we got a new sister in our zone you might have heard of her , her name is SISTER STANFILL ! ! ! ! Heck ya ! Sister Stanfill and I have been homies since 5th grade . I 'm so pumped to be here with her ! It 's so weird ! And we serve in the same branch ! She gave her first talk in Spanish this week and she did awesome . She 's basically Mexicana . But anywho , Elder Jardine and I made a goal to talk to every possible person we could , and we saw some great miracles ! On Thursday it was poring rain and we were on bikes so we were completely soaked all day it felt so good though ! A random couple actually stopped and gave us a ride so that was awesome ! We talked to tons of different people who were really nice but none of them wanted to listen to the message we have . Near the end of the evening there was a guy standing out on his porch and I was exhausted so I almost ignored him but thank goodness Elder Jardine stopped me and we went and talked to him . His name is Luis and he 's a young guy with a wife and baby . He 's always believed in God but he doesn 't really know who He is , and he really wanted to find out . So we had an awesome talk with him and he 's really excited to learn more ! That taught me that it 's pretty pointless to work super hard for a long time and then just give up at the end . If we 'd just kept riding we would never have been able to help him ! Other news , I learned a new language this week . It 's called Japaspanglish . The Herrera family fed us dinner and the wife is from Japan and the husband is from Mexico so the whole time they were speaking a mix of English , Spanish and Japanese . It blew my mind haha ! Dad if you and me combine our knowledge we can become Japaspanglish experts ! I love you peeps and I love the Lord and His work . The mission is the hardest thing I 've ever done , and I haven 't always loved it , but I 've learned through this experienThat 's so crazy that Devin Woodside is a member ! I remember him from Great Oak . That 's legit ! March 7 , 2016 Hey Peeps ! It 's been a great week . We baptized Christhie , one of the daughters in a family that stopped coming to church 20 years ago ! Now they are all back , it 's so cool ! Well my life is a blurr and I probly have alzheimers ( I don 't know how to spell it ) . I don 't know what happened this week , but the mish is great … lot 's of souls to be saved . Transfers are coming up this week but we still haven 't heard who 's leaving . We brought a ukulele out to work and sang to some random people on the street so that was fun . I 'm sorry people I 'm gunnu have a serious talk with my brain and tell it to start remembering my life . But for now all I remember is God loves you all , Jesus Christ is our Savior , and Life is awesome . Read More Permalink Hey Peeps its ur boy Elder Eisenhut , or as most people same my name here , Elder IcyHot . I hope you all had an awesome week . I got to work with Elder Moss in Rio Bravo for a few days this week . It 's a super tiny town and we had a lot of fun . I got to touch the Rio Grande ! We talked to this super cool guy named Ismael . At first he wasn 't very interested in churchy type stuff but after a while he allowed us to sit down and talk with him . We had a super cool lesson with him and by the end his whole demeanor completely changed ! He was really interested and said that he really wants to come to church and check it out . He told us that he had never allowed missionaries to teach him before , but this time he felt a peace and felt that what we were saying was true . It was awesome to see that he felt the Holy Spirit ! On a less serious note , I also worked with Elder Gallegos this week , and we were biking and he looked back at me and while he was looking back he smashed into the curb and ate it super hard in the dirt it was hilarious . He didn 't get hurt so it 's all good . I was laughing super hard haha . And this week Elder Young slammed his front brakes and flipped over his handle bars and smashed his face on the pavement so now he looks like Two Face from batman . He 's fine though . I love you peeps ! Yesterday in Relief Society we shared part of the talk , " Living the Gospel Joyful " by Elder Uchtdorf . You should read it . It 's awesome ! We shared the last section that talks about how much Heavenly Father loves his daughters . I told all the ladies how much I love my Mama , and a lot of them were crying . I love you Mama ! I 'm doin great ! Staying nice and busy ! Howdy Peeps ! It 's ur boy elder Eisenhut . Life is great here in Laredo , Texas . Lots of Spanglish , carne , and bigotes . This week has been super awesome ! Last week on Monday we had a laser tag war ! Some members of the Church gave us like 20 laser tag guns to use , it was pretty legit . We saw tons of miracles this week . One of them was that the Assistants to the Mission President ( AP 's ) called us on Friday and told us that we had to get all 16 of our missionaries down to McAllen the next morning at 8 : 30 . McAllen is 3 hours from Laredo , and we have a limited amount of miles that we get to use every month in our cars , so none of the cars had enough miles left to get to McAllen and back . So we went crazy calling people to beg them for rides and after a while 4 different people offered to take us all down . The 4 cars combined had the exact amount of seats we needed to get all of us down , so we were so grateful ! Another miracle was we found the Mendoza family . They are friends of the Solis family , who are members of the Church . We shared with them the story in 3rd Nephi 11 from the Book of Mormon when Jesus visits the people in America after His resurrection . He invites them all to come unto Him one by one and feel the prints of the nails in His hands and to know that He is their Savior . That 's my favorite story in the Book of Mormon because I love to imagine myself meeting the Savior and giving him a big hug ! After we read the story the little 8 year old boy , Eddie , said " when you were reading that story I felt something weird ! " he said he felt a happy , tingly sensation . We explained to him that that was the Holy Spirit , whose job is to testify of truth . Everyone in the family said they felt the Spirit and they are very excited to learn more ! Another miracle we saw was the other day we were riding our bikes and Elder Jardine felt very strongly like we should go talk to these people that were sitting outside their apartment . After introducing ourselves the man told us he 's a member of our Church but he hasn ' tRead More Previous1234Next Katherine dishes on faith , family , Cowgirl Up ! , home decor , " Bustin ' It Out " and being an entrepreneur . Welcome ! Hope you enjoy looking around . . . and thank you for coming .
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Elizabeth Weinberg lives and works in Los Angeles . With an educational background in photojournalism , she specializes in still and motion storytelling for commercial and editorial clients . She strives to create work that is timeless and evocative . Her skills in imaging post - production set her apart . She believes that the use of tone , grain , and saturation is just as important to a still or moving piece as its content . She loves to be hands - on in applying her signature color style to best suit a story 's particular mood . Elizabeth has been recognized with awards and features from PDN 's 30 Photographers to Watch , the Art Directors Club 's Young Guns , and Communication Arts . Ha ! No , the answer is no . But I think that that 's normal . And healthy , to an extent . I think one should appreciate accomplishments , but I 'm always looking to do more things ; bigger and better things . So I would say no , especially with my current situation , trying to find a new agency , more directing work , that sort of thing . No , with an asterisk , saying But I am happy with how far I 've gotten . Yes . I mean , there 's always room to grow , but if I look at the things I shot back then , I 'm horrified . " Oh my god , this is terrible . " But that 's what you 're supposed to do . I don 't think you should look back and go , " oh , that 's way better than what I shoot now ! " Obviously . I try to do at least a couple big personal shoots a year . They 're kind of tests . A lot of them have a commercial basis though . There 's always something that 's in the back of my mind for , " oh , I could use this for something in my book , something to get new clients . " I 'm not doing crazy fine art work , if that 's what you mean ? There are some passion projects I have , I have a couple things , treatments I want to do . For either motion or still stuff . But at the same time , at the back of my mind I 'm thinking , " well this has a commercial leaning to it . " So I 'm always kind of thinking in that way , what I could shoot that is for me , that I would like , that ends up being viable for people to look at and see what I 've shot where they could hire me to do something similar . Which works a lot of the time , actually . When I do a personal shoot , it 's very … Yes . And it 's hard now because I don 't have as much time . I don 't just have days free where I can do a test shoot , I have to plan everything so far in advance to figure out : who 's gonna watch the kid , ? What day is that going to be ? Just scheduling that is way more of a headache , production - wise , in my world , than it was beforehand . I did have a lot more free for all shoots back two years ago and before . So now I have to consciously think , " okay , I 'm going to spend all this money on a babysitter for a whole day , " - he 's going to school soon , but until he does that , until he 's in preschool … Oh god , can you imagine ? Until that , day - to - day childcare thing is complete , it 's very difficult , logistically , to do it . So I have to think a lot harder about what I 'm going to spend my time working on , and how worth it is it to me to do it . Noooooo … I guess not . It 's just one of those things that you just , kind of are thrown into it and you 're just like , " yeah we 'll figure it out when it comes up . " I took him with me to shoots for a while , and he 's portable , but now not so much . Yeah , he used to just sit , honestly . I would be shooting a celebrity , and he 'd be sitting in his car seat just sitting there smiling at everyone . But now he 's a child . He 's not a baby anymore . He would have been , if I had brought him here , gone . Yes . Consciously , I don 't think we thought about it . We did , so Dan works at home , we were aware that we have that convenience , where if I had to run out and go do something , he would be there . Psh , doesn 't matter whether it 's true or not , it sounds great ! Did I give the impression that truth was important here ? We just want good blurbs , is all . Well I directed a music video two months ago , which was super fun , and I 'd like to do more of that because it 's totally freeing . And you don 't have to do anything but tell people what you want . Which is like , a dream . Oh yeah . A couple of years ago , I didn 't understand why a photographer would not just be a cinematographer . But now I completely understand , because I don 't want to have to learn all these new camera systems , I just want to tell someone exactly what I want to see happen , and the director of photography does it for me . You have a lot more control , I think . I 'm actually shooting something in a week that 's going to be my first version of motion in the commercial sense . It 's going to be small ads online . In that way … the music video was all art , it was just , the band wasn 't even in it , I wrote a treatment , and I had a production company , and they set me up with editor , producer , DP , so I had no art directors on set or anything making sure everything was what they wanted . It was a great first experience , and I 'm probably now spoiled because now I 'm … I was just in full , complete , creative control . But the thing I 'm doing next week will be fun in that it 's … the way that you can actually make money would be doing what I 'm doing next week . Doing short motion clips for advertising , stuff like that . Yeah , that 's what I would do more of , it was really fun . Actually , even more music videos , I made zero dollars on it , but it was the first time I had written something , popped into my head , wrote it , shot it , we edited it , I sat there in the editing bay and we had the colorist , and we had the final product , and it was exactly what my mind had envisioned . It was amazing . I 've done that with photography , but it was totally different experience to see it live . Yeah , moving . And what was cool , and a great compliment , was people were saying , " I see your photography in this , I see your style . " So that 's what I want to do more of . Yeah . A friend of mine saw a picture I took last summer and she said , " I knew you had shot this before I looked at your name . " And that 's the goal , that 's like the dream , you know ? If someone says that , that 's it , that 's amazing . And it was a celebrity … getting a picture of a celebrity to look not like every other picture of that celebrity is hard . And sometimes I 'm successful , and sometimes I 'm not so much , depending on the situation . In this particular case , it worked out . It 's funny , the first famous people I took pictures of were musicians , but I was comfortable . I didn 't consider them celebrities because I had been in that world , I worked in the music industry in college . I just considered them … the whole thing about being in the music industry is you don 't , you act too cool for school , but you don 't care that some super famous person is hanging out with you . So that was kind of how I would approach shoots with people , very casual about it . And that 's kind of how I act with super famous movie stars , because really , I barely even really know who anyone is because I don 't , I can 't go to the movies anymore , I don 't know what 's playing , I don 't know what 's happening . I barely … I know the basic framework of celebrities . Yeah . But I don 't really know . And I think that 's refreshing to them . They don 't want some starstruck person … I was doing a shoot with a very famous musician , and the writer showed up and breathlessly … Yeah , of the piece - breathlessly complimenting her and going crazy , and I could just see the agitation on the musician 's face , and I was like , " oh I gotta get outta here . " It was just , you know , a cardinal rule , do not do that … be professional . So the first early experiences with " celebrities " were musicians . And I think that did help . That era … like when I was touring with Le Tigre , that sort of thing . From there , I was doing more editorial portraits of bands , but a lot of those bands were not famous . But I had the confidence to go up to people at Bonnaroo and say , " hey can I take your picture ? " I did that to Chan Marshall , I was like … I wasn 't like , some annoying … or maybe I was , who knows . Ha ! But it was just such a perfect moment , and I knew I had to just do it . Because she was holding this pink cup , and there were these pink trash cans behind her , and it just looked insane , and she was super nice . People are generally receptive if you aren 't a dick , and just go up to them and say hey . Showing them your all access badge is also helpful . A lot , yeah . They 've got really good photo editors , and they 're getting a lot of really cool , young photo editors that are making it less … I don 't know . It 's more interesting photography for the newspaper , because usually the magazine has the … No , I didn 't want to be a newspaper photographer . But the Art & Leisure section is a cool section , and I just never considered it to be something that I would do . But then when I finally did it , it was like , " oh , things have kind of come full circle . " Doing what I 'm technically went to college for . I consider everything documentary . Even , " lifestyle " photography , which is the corniest way to say it . It 's documenting . Documenting people running down the beach , documenting people in front of a bonfire ; it 's still you trying to shoot stuff in not a boring way , in a storytelling way . Yeah ! So that was fun , and I don 't really do anything in the studio with lights , but I was just playing with it because I had some downtime . What pays the bill is kind of more lifestyle - y , you know ? Portraits of people . I mean , the portraits can be conceptual , it really does … it 's kind of weird , I guess I have two branches of my main work , is like the lifestyle , advertising , documentary , and the other one is portraits . The portraits … I think there 's more room to get weird with it if you want , whereas the others are like , " we need people running through the woods , happy … " And that 's a lot looser , and you 're like shooting shooting shooting , super - fast . But with a portrait , it can slow down a little bit and really … although sometimes you literally only have one minute . You can control it a lot more . I don 't know if that 's an answer . Totally an answer . A good answer ! Do you … this is a classic Photographic Journal question we ask all our interviewees : do you prefer the process or the result ? Hahahahha . It depends on the shoot . Sometimes the process is horrible , depending on the situation . It 's generally a situation where there 's , you know , not enough time , and the location is not ideal , and that sort of thing . But my favorite part of the whole thing is editing and fine - tuning the end result . That 's my favorite part , and a lot of people don 't like that . I do enjoy … a day of shooting is clearly what you strive to do . And you can have an amazing shoot day , but still I get to go home and mess with … Futz , yeah futz with it , and that 's fun . It can be a really good shoot day , and a really fun edit . It can be a really bad shoot day , but also get good results . Yeah , I think a lot of it comes from that joy you get when you get film back . And seeing it … it 's that sort of excitement , except on the computer and getting it and being able to tweak it and make it look how you remember it or how you want it to look . That satisfaction is what is addicting . Because then you nail it and it 's like , OHMIGOD THIS LOOKS - you hit the sweet spot with the colors , and you shut it down and save it , and that 's it . Clearly . I remember when it all kind of got a little wonky , and my colors were a little … looking back , way dreamier and not realistic at all , and now I 've kind of gotten a little grainier , and de - saturated . I remember it changing , and then what I do now , I 'll go and open a RAW file up and redo it , and it 's like a whole new shoot . That 's the best part about being able to do that , is you can open up files from 2009 , even though I shot them on my 5D version 1 , it 's got like no megapixels , the sensor is bad so everything is blown out , but changing the look of a picture in a split second , just messing with a couple things . I think people under estimate how important that part of the process is , because it will change . I was doing a talk about this sort of thing up at Fieldtrip , and I had two photos side - by - side in my presentation . One of them was very warm - they were both taken at Joshua Tree - one of them is really cool . I said , " what do you feel for this one versus this one ? " Because it 's a totally different reaction people get , so the person controlling the color has a lot more control than they probably think about how a picture is perceived . Yeah , it was a weekend … I did two classes on that , and then I did a class on how I started . And I brought promos from through the years , stuff like that . It was very Wedding Photographer - heavy there , so there weren 't a lot people who did what I do now . But a lot of them want to go into that world . I have , I have . I 've done workshops and stuff in New York . Done talks at the Apple store . I like public speaking , I 'm not shy about it , I enjoy it . And at the end when people come up with their own questions , I like the Q & A 's . A big part of the talk I did of me explaining how I got to where I am was Q & A , cause people have questions and it 's easier to do that in person than to answer a bunch of emails . I think I got helped a lot by … in the mid to late 2000 's , there were just a lot of really good blogs that explained that side of the business . I learned a lot of it because I worked at a photo lab , where I saw the workings of it in New York , in the height of pre - economic collapse era , when everyone was shooting tons of film , and agents worked , how people did their books . People wouldn 't go out into the rain , they 'd send messengers to get film because they didn 't want to go in the rain . I saw that business side of things , and I just read up a lot about it , and knew that I couldn 't get any work from sitting around . Nowadays , I feel like you don 't have to do as much , because kids who graduate college are already working full time as editorial photographers , just from their presence on Instagram and Tumblr and stuff . Which was not the case , obviously , when I was coming up . It was hard . Nobody knew who I was . I had a blog , I was an early blogger . I don 't think I really knew as much about the business side as it may seem . It 's all a learning experience . I look back at some of the promos I sent out and I think to myself , " what was I thinking ? This is hideous , this sucks , it 's printed poorly . " You learn as you go through it . Finances , my taxes were a horrifying mess until like 4 years ago . You learn as you go , you get better software and receipts , receipt - keeping scanners . Just kind of tolerate , that 's why I 'm trying to get the agent to do all the money stuff , because I can 't really be bothered . I hate the negotiating , the back and forth , the dance that 's finding … no one will tell you what the budget is , so you kind of have to guess . And you give them your best guess , and they just don 't respond to you . And they don 't respond to you because you 've given them a number that is ten times what they 're wanting to pay you , and then they say that the direction of the photo shoot has changed , but in reality they have no budget for you . And you want to be fair , you don 't want to under sell yourself , and you don 't want to seem like you 're too expensive , because you also want to do the job . It 's so insane . And horrendous , yeah . That 's what an agent 's job is . My job is to get there , take really good pictures , and that 's it . I think we had some philosophical differences on how to promote ourselves . I don 't think they were hungry enough . I am not a patient person , I like to get out there and get it . Oh yeah , totally more so than talent . Or lucky , more lucky than talented is another thing . Talent is kind of at the bottom of the list … I just kind of figured it would all work itself out ! I sent a big batch of promos out to everyone saying that I had moved here , and there weren 't a lot of photographers out here , I think , that have … there are fewer editorial photographers out here than New York , so I kind of was able to bring my clients … I became the person that they would call in LA to do stuff . I just kind of figured it would work itself out , I don 't know . Hahahaha . I was just like , " I gotta get out of New York . " And there was no other place for me to go , it 's either here or … Right . And I was out here every month working , and everyone thought I lived here already because I was always at events . People were like " do you ? … " and I would be like , " no , I 'm in New York . " And I was always like , " I 'm Never Going To Move To LA . Ever . " And then … It 's kind of a slippery slope … I think it 's better to just be a little bit ignorant . I do find out , if I lose a job to someone , who it was , that sort of thing . But I think it 's better to do your own thing , because you can fall into a downward spiral of self - loathing and being upset . So honestly , I feel bad that I don 't really look at my Instagram feed , I 'll post something , but I won 't look at the feed , because I don 't have time , I have other things to do . It can just bum you out more than be productive . I follow people on Tumblr , I didn 't ever really used to follow anyone , because I would use the RSS feed , but Google Reader sucks now , so I 've started following people on Tumblr . I scroll through that , but it 's stressful ! You get to the bottom , and you know you 've missed something , and I just can 't … there 's a certain balance . It 's good to know what 's happening , but I think it 's also good to just do your own thing and not worry about it . I look at a good amount . I don 't feel like I look at nearly as much as a lot of people do , because I kind of don 't care that much I guess ? It 's cool to see what friends are up to and shooting . Most of my friends out here in LA are photographers , which is totally different than what it was in New York . I didn 't have that many friends who were photographers . Oh , it 's good . It 's good because people out here aren 't , well , most of them aren 't , crazy … people are supportive of each other as artists . People aren 't as crazy competitive . There 's a way more supportive art community here than I think is in New York . I think in New York is just a little too stiff . I don 't think I aspired to really be anyone , but I did look up to certain photographers that were able to balance commercial work and their own cool stuff and family , having a kid , that sort of thing . But I don 't think you can really model your career on anyone else , or you 'd just go crazy . I would always be thinking , " how old was this person when they did this because I 'm this age and I need to really step it up " and I think that 's insane , that 's completely bonkers , and not healthy . But there are people like Cass Bird who made a big career doing commercial stuff , but will still go to Tennessee for a bunch of days and shoot a book and then have kids , that sort of thing . You know , do all the stuff and balance it . That 's kind of the ideal . I 'm getting there ! The people I 've interviewed recently have either been much older than me , or much younger . So it 's either like the older people going with Irving Penn , Avedon , Leibowitz . And the younger people would be like , other Instagram people … I 'm curious who were the people you looked at . Who were the photographers that you really liked ? Like Cass Bird , Jason Nocito , the people … they 're all like a decade older than me ? They were all coming up as I was working at the lab in New York , when I was 22 , they were all starting out . Thinking back now , they were late bloomers , if you think about it . And now , you have people like Olivia Bee , and you have all these Instagram people … It was not possible , you assisted for X amount of years , well , I didn 't assist , but many people assisted , and that was just the progression . It wasn 't just quit your day job , or quit your job at the coffee shop and go be a photographer , it was not possible . They should all feel very lucky ! ! It was the people who were shooting … who else … Chris Buck ! Those people were really killing it when I was coming up . But now , to me , even though they 're not much older than the 20 - something Instagramers , it feels a completely different generation of photographer . Jason and Cass , they 're in their forties … it is a different generation , but it feels like a completely different universe . Because they were all shooting film . These kids have never been in a darkroom . I 'm kind of in - between . I was right at the beginning of digital , so I know the world of film , and I know the Instagram world , because I 'm a computer nerd . Yeah , I mean , school did not influence my photography very much except for literally two classes I took . It was mostly about the friends I made who I 'm still friends with , who live in New York . It was just a fun four years , it wasn 't career building in any way . There 's one class I took called Advanced Photojournalism . And that was when we had to go do photo stories and talk to strangers and shoot people that we had never met , and that 's how I learned how to do what I do , essentially , going to some person and not being shy and photographing them . Shooting photo stories , learning how to do storytelling … but that was one class out of four years . I was playing a lot of frisbee ? Ultimate frisbee , drinking , being freezing a lot , and hanging out . Literally hanging out , just taking a nap in the quad , that 's all I did ! I don 't think college … it 's definitely not necessary , but it 's the only thing you would do . No one would move to New York to be a photographer at 18 unless they were extremely rich and could do it . And people did , and I 'm sure , but that 's not what the normal path was in the year 2000 , that 's insane . But now people drop out of school - Yeah , totally . And it just comes out of my account and I don 't think about it . Someday I 'll pay it off , but it 's not a big deal . I read a website about the media ? This newspaper guy started doing it . There 's a poll that he referenced where they were like , the best job is being an accountant because the money rolls in and you 're doing what you like , but then the worst job was a journalist . And he was talking about the first Iraq war , there was him and twenty other guys , and that was it . Now , there 's a hundred guys , not to mention the other five hundred guys that are already in Iraq because they live there , who are all taking pictures . Do you … from the outside in , it looks like your career is moving at a healthy clip … You never know . But you do have to stay … that 's where the promotion thing comes in , you have to stay in people 's radar . That has to happen a lot more often now because there 's so many photographers , you have to be on it and out there and send promos and emails . You have to be more vigilant about staying on top of it , but I feel like I 've already climbed up to the point … I 've already scraped and crawled to the … No one talks about it , but it 's like a fucking nightmare that first month or so , it 's like hell on earth . But now it 's fine . But yeah , I kind of took time off , but it was really hard to come back . I had to really really push it . No , it was just they don 't want to deal . I shot up until I was 37 weeks , 37 out of 40 . I was already nine months pregnant when I stopped . Glendale . They 're good . But yeah , people don 't … you don 't have an official maternity leave , so no one knows how long you 're taking off . And word spreads that you 've had a kid , and then people are just like " she 's not working … " So I had to really send emails out , did a big email blast , and then things started trickling back . It 's taken a year , and I 've been told it can take almost two years , but it took about a year , and now it 's been a year and a half , to " come back . " So now I think I 'm back . Just the way … like if you have strong personality , or you 're very opinionated , people can take that as you being bitchy even though you 're just doing your job . Not many , but enough where , or even on Tumblr , where if I answer a question in a way that isn 't all flowers and rainbows and puppies ? Someone will say " you don 't sound very nice . " Would anyone say that to a guy , that you don 't sound very nice ? That 's insane . Yeah , I 've read that , yeah she 's completely right . Yeah , if you complain , you 're whiny . If you are negative in any way , you 're a bitch . But Terry Richardson can molest people , and it 's totally fine , no one cares ! It 's fucked up . I don 't really know how to change it , without , cause you can 't really do that without … unfortunately what has to happen , and did happen , was when Daniel Shea posted a big thing about sexism in editorial , it took a guy saying it to make anyone care . So I think speaking out about it is okay , but it 's sad that it 's true that it has to be backed up by a male in the industry , but that 's just how it is . I don 't know how to change it without … there 's no way to change it , we 're screwed . The best we can do is speak out about it , and make sure people are aware that it exists .
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I was privileged to run in the inaugural Tahoe Rim 100 race . This would be my 20th ultra marathon during my short 25 - month running career . More than 90 runners signed up for this race , which is an impressive response for a first - year race . The course is laid out on state park and state forest land , climbing ridges overlooking beautiful Lake Tahoe and various reservoirs . The surface is mostly very runnable , soft single track . There is about 19 . 500 feet of climbs , aided by many switchbacks . I went into the race well prepared . I had run the Bighorn 100 race only four weeks earlier and accomplished a Quad Timpanogos run in between , but had recovered rapidly , without any injury concern . I tapered for six days , with only a three - mile run to test - drive my legs on Wednesday . My biggest concern going into the race was the heat . Lake Tahoe would be hit with a heat wave on race weekend . I had read many of the race reports for the recently run Western States 100 , also held in the Sierra Nevada Mountains , that had been plagued by severe heat . I don 't do well running in the heat and was pretty concerned . Because of the heat , I decided on an odd race strategy . I planned to go out very fast ( for a 100 - mile race ) in order to reach the Red House loop ( mile 11 . 4 ) during the early morning . This loop dips down 1 , 200 feet to the low point of the course and can become very hot . I wanted to get in as many miles as I could while it was cool and then back off my pace during the warm afternoon . My time goal for this race was a pretty aggressive 28 hours . The pre - race activities were held in Carson City , Nevada , a 30 - minute drive from the start / finish . The race briefing was held on the beautiful grassy grounds of the state capital . The briefing started at the early hour of 2 : 00 p . m . , which made it a little difficult for out - of - state travelers to reach in time . I made the eight - hour drive from Utah with my son Kevin who would help crew me . The race directors gave very helpful information to anxious - looking 100 - mile hopefuls lounging on the shady lawn . I was concerned to learn that there would be no glow sticks out on the course during the night . But we would be running a 50 - mile course twice , so if I learned the course well during the day , I should have no problem with a second time through the route during the night . We also learned that there had been a course change this year to incorporate a new single - track trail that would add about a half mile to each 50 - mile loop . So , our 100 - mile race would actually be closer to 102 miles . In addition to the 100 - mile race , a 50 - mile and 50K race was also being run on the course concurrently . The 100 - mile race would start at 5 a . m . and the other races would start an hour later at 6 a . m . The 50K runners would not have to run a beautiful 18 - mile out - and - back on the Tahoe Rim trail . Course elevation profile I noticed that there was a group of runners from Hawaii at the race , all sporting shirts proudly mentioning their Hawaiian Ultra Running Team ( HURT ) . I introduced myself and mentioned that I had run in the HURT 100 this year . Several recognized me . That brought back many memories of that pleasant and painful experience in January . With the race briefing concluded , we had several hours to kill before the pre - race dinner , so Kevin and I went and shot nine holes of golf at one of the Carson City public golf courses . We had an enjoyable round . Before the ninth hole , we counted up strokes and discovered we were tied . I tried to psyche out Kevin with the pressure , but it was me who missed a three - foot putt for the win . After that enjoyable activity , we joined other racers at the pre - race pasta dinner . Matt and Anne Watts , from Colorado , teased Kevin about his plans to get lots of sleep during the trip . For me , sleep would be hard to come by . After only about four hours of sleep , I caught the race bus at an early 3 : 15 a . m . to take us to the start / finish . We arrived with more than an hour to spare and I did my best to try to stay loose and warm . I parked myself next to a heater until five minutes before start . I then made my way down to the start line and positioned myself near the front . The time was counted down and away we went up a dirt road for the first mile . I joined the lead pack of runners who were really in no big hurry . None of the runners took off like a rabbit . We soon joined the Marlette Lake trail . The race directors had cautioned us during the race briefing about taking this section too fast , too early . But my strategy was to go out fast , so I ran nearly the whole trail up North Canyon . The trail was very runnable and winded its way up a forested valley to Marlette Lake . I knew I had no business running with the front - running group , many of them sporting running team jerseys , but I was intent on reaching the Red House Loop before the heat of the day . I overheard a couple runners talking and realized I was running with Brian Robinson ( finish 4th ) who had paced David Horton last summer in the Sierra Nevadas , during David 's run of the Pacific Crest Trail . I mentioned to Brian that I have the video of David 's run . As we ran by the lake , several early - morning fishermen gave us curious looks as we ran by . Next up was a dirt road taking us up to the Hobart Aid Station ( mile 6 . 4 ) . I arrived at 1 : 13 elapsed time , three minutes behind my goal . But my goal didn 't take into account the extra 0 . 4 miles from using the new Marlette Lake trail . So actually , I was cruising along faster than planned . The Hobart Aid Station was staffed with many very helpful and knowledgeable volunteers . I would visit this aid station a total of four times during the race . Other runners mentioned that it was their favorite station . The next section of the course climbed up to the top of a ridge near Marlette Peak . Impressive views of Lake Tahoe came into view . I let a couple runners pass me during this stretch but still hung with the top 10 runners . We were starting to get more spread out , but as we descended along forested switchbacks toward Tunnel Creek , I joined in with four other runners who very quickly navigated the winding trail . I was having a blast . This was trail running at its best . I arrived at Tunnel Creek ( mile 11 . 4 ) at 2 : 07 , three minutes ahead of my schedule . The Tunnel Creek aid station is the hub of the course . From here , we would do the Red House Loop , return , and then do an 18 - mile out - and - back to Mount Rose . I would visit this station six times during the race , so I positioned my primary drop bag at this location . I had started to have some blister concerns on my left foot and was going to take the time fix it , but by the time I had arrived , things felt OK , so I just refueled and continued on . Down I went on the Red House Loop . This was the steepest section of the course . I was no longer with the lead pack of runners , so I had a lonelier run through this section . The 1 , 200 feet were lost rapidly through a valley . I reached the low point of the course by 8 a . m . and was pleased that the temperatures were still relatively cool . I could feel a few blasts of warmer air here and there . I soon arrived at the Red House , which was a historic 19th century building that served some sort of purpose in conjunction with a nearby reservoir . I filled up at the informal aid station and went on my way along a pleasant road that followed a pipeline . Along this stretch , the front - running woman ( probably Tracy Bahr ) caught up and passed me . She had heard me singing out loud to songs on my MP3 and told me not to stop on her account , that she also liked singing while running . The last half - mile of the loop is an out - and - back climb up to Tunnel Creek . As I hit this section , it was very crowded with runners coming down the trail . They were the back - of - the pack 100 - milers , and the front - to - mid 50 - milers . They all still had smiles on their faces and offered kind greetings . I was already over 6 miles ahead of the back of the pack . I arrived back at Tunnel Creek ( mile 17 . 7 ) at the 3 : 33 mark , now 27 minutes ahead of my 28 - hour finish pace goal . At this station I was weighed for the first time and was only about a pound down from my start weight . Throughout the race I would stay pretty close to my start weight . I really appreciated the chance to be weighed so many times during this race ( 8 times ) . It helped me stay focused on proper hydration , something that has been challenging for me , especially during the night . One downside of being weighed is that I would have to take all my gear off , and then I was continually sucked into the comfort of the stations . With everything off , why not sit down for a few minutes to eat and talk ? Well , I ended up spending a total of almost 2 hours in all the stations . Three long bathroom breaks also contributed to this delay . After about a ten - minute stop at Tunnel Creek , I was on my way along the very scenic 18 - mile out - and - back to Mount Rose . The rolling trail cruised along ridges giving views of reservoirs to the northeast and the best views of Lake Tahoe to the southwest . With only 89 starters in the race , we were now getting pretty stretched out along the course . It was pretty lonely until the lead 50 - mile runners caught up with me at the 5 - hour mark ( 4 hours for them ) . Also , I soon saw the front - runners of the 100 - mile race coming back toward me . I was about five miles behind them and was in about 15th place . The trail descended down from the ridge into a valley . There was no avoided getting my feet wet at the stream crossing , but the cool water felt good on the feet . I watched a 50 - mile runner take a leap over a narrow section to avoid wet feet . The Mount Rose aid station could be seen up on a road about a half - mile away . They cheered all the runners as they watched them climb up to the station . I arrived at Mount Rose ( mile 26 . 7 ) at the 5 : 37 mark , 33 minutes ahead of my schedule . Kevin was there to greet me . After this crewing stop , he was going to go play another round of golf . Following a long 15 - minute stop delayed with a bathroom break , I was on my way again . It was fun to see and greet all the runners behind me , making their way to Mount Rose . Picture Matt took of me I greeted Matt Watts coming down into the valley . He stopped to take a picture of me . He was about 50 minutes behind , but it wouldn 't surprise me if he caught up with me as he did at Big Horn 100 . He uses an impressive fast walk shuffle that keeps a good steady fast pace going . Later I greeted Anne Watts , who was running in the 50 - mile race . I told her that she probably would see Matt in about a half hour coming back toward her . The furthest back - of - the pack 100 - milers were pretty far behind me now , probably about 8 miles . I couldn 't comprehend how they could finish in time . I returned to Tunnel Creek at the 7 : 51 mark , 19 minutes ahead of schedule . I took my time there and solved my bowel pain problem that had been slowing me down significantly for the past few hours . Along the next stretch I was surprised to pass several back - of - the pack 50K runners moving very slowly . I was back at Hobart ( mile 40 . 7 ) at the 9 : 30 mark , exactly on schedule . Next up was a climb to the high point of the course , Snow Valley . I felt the effects of the heat of the day in exposed stretches without trees . Overall , the heat turned out fine for me . The breezes along the ridges helped , and there was plenty of shade along most of the course . I 'm sure some of the back - of - the - pack suffered taking some hot sections later in the day . In the afternoon I carried two water bottles , one to drink from , the other to splash myself to keep me cool . During this stretch , my right knee started to give me concerns . I was feeling pain in the location where it had been operated on three years ago . I worried about it and slowed down the pace . The Snow Valley aid station folks put out amusing signs along the trail that invoked welcome smiles . I arrived at Snow Valley ( mile 43 . 5 ) at the 10 : 31 mark , just one minute behind schedule . Trail heading down ( Matt photo ) Next up was a 7 . 1 - mile , 2 , 100 - foot descent to the start / finish area , concluding the first 50 - mile loop . I love running down hills , but I decided to take it easy on my knee and save my energy for the second half of the race . I was passed by a couple 100 - milers along this section , and several 50 - milers , but I thought to myself , " The real race starts after 60 miles . " When I reached the Spooner Lake trailhead , I didn 't stop at the aid station . I asked how many miles to the finish area , and was very surprised to learn that it was still 1 . 7 miles . I had thought that it was only about a half mile . I pushed ahead , and almost missed a turn . Two other runners had missed the turn , adding a couple miles to their race . I arrived back at the start / finish ( mile 50 . 6 ) at the 12 : 12 mark , 18 minutes ahead of schedule , and a good time if I was running the 50 - mile race . I was pleased with my time . Kevin was nowhere to be seen , so I took my lovely time at this station . I talked with Mark Tanaka who had missed the turn . He commented that a 24 - hour finish was now out of the question . I said , " It was out of the question for me a long time ago . " ( Mark went on to finish in last place . ) I looked around and could see other tired 100 - mile runners . I thought how tough it would be for many runners to drag themselves out for one more 50 - mile loop . I bet that there would be a bunch of DNFs . ( There would be 33 DNFs ) As I was just about to leave , Kevin showed up with my bag . I turned around and spent another five minutes or so talking and getting some things from my bag . I was feeling pretty good , but doing the course again seemed like a daunting task . Because of my sore knee , I told Kevin that I had no idea what time I would be at Mount Rose . My schedule specified that I should be there at 1 : 15 a . m . , but I told Kevin that I bet I would miss that by quite a bit . I told him to not worry about night crewing duties , that he could skip it and get a good night 's sleep at the motel . After about a 30 - minute stop , I was again on my way . When I started , Mark Tanaka was close behind , but I soon used a little jog up the trail and left him behind . The trail now felt very lonely . There would be no more 50 - milers or 50K runners . Many 100 - milers probably were dropping out , so there would be far fewer runners along the trail . I didn 't see any others until I reached Hobart . My spirits during this stretch were low , worrying about silly things , and not enjoying the trail enough . I arrived at Hobart ( mile 57 ) at the 14 : 32 mark , two minutes behind schedule . As I was refueling , I asked a volunteer about people dropping out the race . She mentioned that at least six had dropped during the first 50 miles . I told her I bet that many more would drop at the start / finish . She asked if I wanted to know what place I was in . I did . She told me that I was running in 26th place . As I had been running , I had considered a goal of finishing in the top 20 . I said that I needed to start catching up . The sun was starting to set as I ran the next section , presenting a beautiful sunset above Lake Tahoe . Wow ! The beauty of this course is amazing . The only complaint I had was the soft , sandy trail surface . The uneven surface was really making my feet ache . I made it to Tunnel Creek ( mile 62 ) without having to pull out my headlamp , at the 15 : 52 mark , three minutes ahead of my schedule . As I worked with my drop bag , a runner returned from completing the Red House Loop again . It was a little depressing sitting and talking to someone six miles ahead of me . He mentioned that the loop was a lot different this time . Why ? Tons of mosquitoes ! The sun was almost down , so I considered myself lucky . But I still put Off on me . With flashlight in hand , I descended down toward Red House . It would be a lonely , dark loop . Glow sticks would have been comforting along this stretch . The flagging was difficult to locate and I kept worrying that I might be off the course . Thankfully the flags were frequent enough to stop my worries . I returned to Tunnel Creek ( mile 68 . 3 ) at the 18 : 02 mark . I had taken over two hours to complete the loop . Right after I arrived , one of the race leaders arrived , completing the 18 - mile out - and - back . Wow , he was 18 miles ahead of me . I felt chilled , so I put on my warm jacket , vest , and gloves . I left the aid station with another runner and his pacer . In less than a mile , I took off the warm clothes . It was now very warm again . For the next five miles , I " played leap frog " with the runner and his pacer . I was going at a much quicker pace , but I suffered from several sleepy dizzy spells that would make me stop , rest , and refuel . It was very frustrating . Finally , the sleepy problem went away and I was able to run again . For the next hour I had fun chasing the lights of runners ahead of me and reeling them in . I passed about five runners during this stretch . I was also met by a couple a trail sweeps on bikes . That was a great touch for the race . For this long 18 - mile night stretch , these volunteers were checking with all the runners , offering them drink if they needed it . I reached Mount Rose ( mile 77 . 3 ) at about the 21 : 15 mark , about an hour behind my schedule . My sleepy spells had taken its toll on my pace . Soon , all the runners I passed arrived . There was quite a gap between me and the runner ahead of me , probably about 40 minutes . The medical staff at this station was very helpful to the runners , asking appropriate questions to see how people were doing . I noticed about four wasted - looking runners with blankets huddling near a heater . I was delayed by another long bathroom break and ended up staying there for almost a half hour . It was pretty cold now , so I put my warm clothes back on and donned my coonskin hat . Despite my long stay , I left the station before the large group of runners who were behind me . Within five minutes , I ran into Matt Watts heading into the station ! I knew he takes short aid station stops , so I knew he would be on my tail . As I was climbing out the valley , back up the ridges , I again suffered from dizzy sleepy spells that slowed me to a crawl . I could see lights chasing me from below . Finally I just had to stop . I found a slope near the trail to lie down on . It felt so good to rest my eyes and my body . I heard a runner pass by . He asked if I was OK . I replied , " I 'm fine . I 'm sleeping . I 'll catch up later . " I jumped back up after about five minutes feeling much better . I now had a runner to catch ! I put it into gear . The adrenaline woke me up and I started to cruise along the trail very fast . I caught up with the runner near the top of the ridge . He said , " Boy , that sleep did you good . " I put it into a higher gear for the downhill and left the runner far behind . I was amazed . I was feeling incredible . No pain anywhere . Finally my system was balanced and my energy level high . My pace was almost a sprint . The miles peeled away very fast and I was greeted by stunned back - of - the - packers , making their way to Mount Rose , who stepped aside as they saw me barreling down the trail . The half moon was a dazzling sight reflecting off of Lake Tahoe . The last runner that I met on the out - and - back was about 16 miles behind me . I reached Tunnel Creek ( mile 86 . 3 ) at the 23 : 57 mark . I was 1 : 09 behind my pace , but had made up great time during the past 7 miles . I considered that a 28 - hour finish was now impossible . I would have to shoot for 29 hours . A runner left the aid station five minutes before me , so I knew there was now someone ahead to try to catch . I still had my headlamp on , but the glow in the sky increased and I soon tuned it off . Morning had arrived . I was now plagued again with terrible sleepiness . Despite using caffine , I again was stumbling along the trail slowly , falling asleep on my feet . I knew that once the sun was up , that I would be fine . As I was slowly climbing up toward the ridge , admiring the sunrise , I heard something below . It sounded like someone shouted something to me . I couldn 't see anyone , but about five minutes later , Matt Watts came into view ! He shouted the same thing he did when he caught up with me at Big Horn 100 . " We can still break 30 hours ! " I replied , " Actually , 28 hours is still possible . " I waited until he caught up and explained my sleepy problem . He went ahead and just told me to keep up . So I did . For the next couple hours we would repeat over and over again the same pattern . I would struggle on the uphills to keep up with him and then blast by him on the downhills . He was doing a great job to motivate me and keep my pace up . My downhill legs felt great , but my uphill strength was pretty wasted . Matt would joke that I could still run ahead and try for the 28 - hour finish . I realized how silly and impossible that was . I felt content to try to keep up with Matt and beat 30 hours . With a nice long descent , I arrived at Hobart ( mile 91 . 3 ) about five minutes ahead of Matt , at the 25 : 47 mark . When Matt arrived so soon after me , I panicked and immediately left the station . There was plenty of uphill ahead , so I wanted a head start . Within a half mile , Matt passed me again . I just couldn 't keep up on the hills . I watched him pass the runner who I had seen at Tunnel Creek . When I reached the top of the ridge , I could again run the flats and mild uphills . I passed the runner ( probably Chris Perry of Oregon ) and caught up with Matt . I fell in behind him and stayed in pace with him the rest of the way to the next aid station . We arrived at Snow Valley ( mile 94 . 1 ) at the 26 : 43 mark . Matt made a very quick stop and said he would see me later on the trail . He knew that I would pass him on the downhill . I left right before the next runner arrived and then set my sights to catch up with Matt for about the tenth time . At this point something incredible happened . With the thoughts of the long 7 . 1 - mile , 2 , 100 - feet descent ahead , I kicked it into gear . After 94 miles , I felt wonderful . I caught up with Matt for the last time and he said , " Go get it Davy ! " I said , " I have a good rhythm going , I 'm going to see how long I can keep it going . " I started to really fly down the trail ! At times I was running faster than any point in the race . I checked my watch , did some math and was astonished to consider that at the pace I was running , a 28 - hour finish was an outside possibility ! It could be very close . I did more calculations and thought even with my best efforts , I needed five more minutes that weren 't there any more . I contined to cruise at top speed down the trail . I could keep it going on short uphills , but anything over 20 yards brought me back to a walk . When the trail pointed down again , I found the fast gear again and poured on the speed . My knees and legs felt great . A funny worry crept into my mind as I was blasting down the trail . Last week I signed up friends to pace me at the Wasatch Front 100 in September . At the pace I was currently running down the hill , no pacer could keep up unless they were a well - trained ultra runner . Wasatch ends with an even longer downhill . If the same thing happened there , I would leave my pacer far behind for sure . I was pleased to catch up and pass a runner ( George Ruiz , of Nevada ) . He was very surprised to see me . He thought he had a big lead over the next runner . Soon the noise of the highway could be heard and I knew I was getting close to the Spooner Trailhead . I kept checking the time on my watch . Wow , 28 hours still could be close . Then , much to my surprise , George caught up and passed me ! I said , " Wow , you really kicked it into gear . " He replied , " You woke me up . " I let him stay ahead of me for a couple hundred yards , but then decided to " slam the door on him . " The trail became wide and I passed him at a very fast run . He said something like , " Way to go . " ( He later told me that I really did slam the door on him . He knew there was no way he could keep up , and 28 hours wasn 't possible , so he backed off ) . I ran very , very fast until I was well out of view . I wished there would be other runners to catch . ( There were none . There was almost an hour gap between George and the next runner . ) I ran by the last aid station and they were very surprised at my fast pace . I was almost sprinting . I felt so good and strong that I decided to try to sprint the last 1 . 7 miles as fast as I could . Perhaps they had the mileage wrong and a 28 - hour finish might be possible . Most runners take about 15 minutes to complete this stretch . I did it in about ten minutes . Very quickly , the home stretch appeared . A cow bell rang , cheers were heard , and I sprinted at high speed over the finish line . My time - 28 : 04 . I was very , very pleased with my strong finish . I felt incredible . Kevin was there to greet me . I ended up only four minutes behind my goal . I also achieved my top - 20 goal . I finished in 16th place . I left Snow Valley at about 26 : 50 . I ran the last 7 . 1 miles in under 1 : 15 . George finished seven minutes behind . George and I had a nice conversation with the race directors . They had put on an excellent race . I have only two suggestions . Hold the race briefing at 5 p . m . instead of 2 p . m . , and hang glow sticks on the Red House Loop . Matt came in at 28 : 26 . Seven more runners who I had run with during the night came in during the next hour . After stopping , the pain finally set in . I next set my sights on a nice warm bath . After getting cleaned up , and downing a greasy stake sandwich , Kevin and I returned to the finish line to cheer the back - of - the - pack runners finishing . It was an impressive sight . I really enjoyed just sitting and watching their emotional response . Some were even in tears with the thought of their accomplishment . For several , it was their first 100 - mile finish . What really impressed me is that these runners had to deal with the heat for two days instead of one . They hit some of the hottest points at the worst time of day . This was my 4th 100 finish in 8 tries . I have a good string going and this race really raised my confidence in running the 100 - mile distance . I would rank these four races in order of difficulty ( most difficult first ) : The Bear 100 , Bighorn 100 , Tahoe Rim 100 , Rocky Raccoon 100 . My finish times go in the same order . [ … ] in July 9th , 2008 by admin in Upcoming Races Next up for me is a revisit to Tahoe Rim 100 . I ran this race in 2006 and finished in just over 28 hours . It is a wonderful scenic course , mostly single - track and very [ … ]
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Dinner at a friend 's place , to meet the boyfriend . He has recently moved to town , had been just visiting . They live around the corner , across the street from the creek that runs along the west side of the little town . The same creek that runs along the backside of our old place . Now , her old place . My ex - best - half . There was a trampoline , which the kids greatly enjoyed . We made lovely little pizzas . I recently dipped near an immediate goal , which was to return to the weight that I was when I felt only mildly overweight . That was ten pounds ago , sometime around Burning Man , likely just after . At the very least I 'd like to get below that weight . Ideally , I 'd like to get below 200 pounds again . That does not seem unreasonable , merely ungraspable . I am not one of those jolly fat fellows , like Santa . I am quite pissed off about it , sweaty and fat with bulging eyes , bursting blood vessels , all of it , etc . I tend to take all of that misdirected anger out on trampolines . I nearly broke the contraption with my unrestrained joy at it . While jumping , I thought several disconnected thoughts : - Can this thing bear my weight ? For some buried reason , the images of the boys jumping around inside the device reminded me of the Talking Heads , mostly the one at the top . I was going to write a piece based around the existential ideas of suspension and paralysis . Not the physical form of it , which I have been warned about by my radiologist friend , a man that would know . But instead , the more insidious forms of it . The state we find ourselves in : unable to fly , afraid to fall , laughing nervously along . Performing tasks as rote , just to get by , to call life " life . " We see it in the broken and disconnected frames , snatched perhaps from time , yet added to the budding self - consciousness , where the weight of experience settles into its future form , for good or ill . . I double - checked the gym , re - searched the apartment , howled to the clouds , then swayed begging towards the waning moon . It makes no sense . I rarely ever lose things . Like with most stuff - not things in which one can reasonably presume that they were left in a specific spot and now the thing has been unsurprisingly taken from there - there is only a haze of mystery surrounding a brief window of time , a reminder that there is a final end to all certainty . There still exists a vague sense that I had them then , I think , but then I noticed here that they were gone , with nothing substantial in the interim to give me hope . While they are only glasses , they are personal . They are connected to me . They were . There is a mild horror associated with loss of that kind . Impermanence seems permanent enough , as is . I could take the Zen path and express my non - attachment to them , but they still need to be replaced , so that is less of an option that is available to me . Non - attachment is not the opposite of gravity . Ah well , I still have cameras to buy , expensive ones . I 've not only lost my mind , I 've doubled down on an all - or - nothing bet . I 'm going to buy the newest , most expensive model . It is more than three times the cost of the one I purchased that I should not have . With some basic multiplication it all comes out even and the world is good . It 'll end in zeroes . I 'm certain of it . I 'm a single guy . I get to spend money on whatever I want , though I know I shouldn 't . Not like this , anyway . I did something uncharacteristic of me , yesterday : walked around Sonoma with the intention of taking portraits of people . I failed at gathering any portraits , but it was nice just to walk around my realm with the intention of taking pictures . Framing the world does something for it . It changes it in such a way that one starts to see the genesis of composition in all shapes , the shape that precedes . I read a book a decade or so ago , The Sacred And The Profane . It argued for an outline of differences between sacred space and time and secular space and time . It explained how , and why , a religious person walks through life in a very different continuum than does a secular - minded person . The author dispassionately explored the meaning of the religious and irreligiousness experience in such a way that it rendered refutation less necessary , useless even . Wandering , looking at the world with an eye to capture or convert , does a similar thing . I think . To create art is to echo the trinity , in a sense . The initial impulse , the idea , has its corollary in God , the idea behind the machine . Then , there is the act of creation , where the artist becomes physically involved for a brief time with their creation , to mold it into its essential form . This has its reflection in Jesus , where the idea transitioned to become a physical part of mankind , the realm of the touched . Then , once the physical work is complete it becomes a thing all of its own , a creation of spirit , not at all dissimilar from the Holy Spirit , the knowing wind . More aura than is ratio cogitari or hominis , genus . More aura , more aura , I cried . Walked around the little town square after work , hoping to take pictures of people , portraits of . There were few people , none to represent posterity , portraiture , or else . It is a community with some well manicured edges . I put the camera into manual focus and crouched to better align myself with the horizon 's watercolors . I took only two shots , though I knew that I would like them ; light as pastel , almost powder . It is the wondertime here . Posted by This fellow was here this morning as I went to make coffee at work . I thought it was funny , because it looked photo - shopped into reality . That picture is right out of the camera - phone . This is where I drink coffee and peer into the refrigerator , wondering what will satisfy me . My glasses are gone . I am not the type to lose things by chance . I destroy things , which is one way of losing them , but I know where they were . I know why I lost them . I have been sleeping better , but it has made me slightly more distracted . I suppose that there is almost always a trade - off in life . It 's rare that you get something without giving something else up . I tried to buy a camera that I thought would make me happy , but my happiness exists in an ever decreasing space . Now , I must either back out of the purchase or buy the nicer model . Adequacy no longer has meaning for me . I have nearly ruined another love in my life simply by not allowing myself to afford it . I won 't be happy until I am destitute . A reader here complimented me on my blog yesterday . With my characteristic bashfulness I tried to accept the compliment as graciously as possible , pointing out that it 's a lot of silliness also , among other things . The response was perfect : Good Hustle ( smily emoticon ) . . My glasses . My newest pair , with the frames and the special coating . Vanished . I only remember not having them . It happened suddenly . I was leaving the gym and felt their absence . Back at the gym , hours later , nothing . Who knows . Like all others , gone . Once , I helped an older woman . She was the wife of a man who was in prison and would be until his death , which wasn 't far off , nor was hers . She had a medical condition . They tried to sue , they lost . He shot the lawyer dead . I was helping the wife clean out her house of much of his stuff . Our activity had a strong sense of permanence about it , as expected . She didn 't seem at all surprised by her predicament , though . She spoke about the acts and present condition of her husband with a characteristic disinterestedness . It was privately fascinating . He had been a WWII veteran and had a cache of uniforms and memorabilia , much of which was inherited by me because I showed a mild interest . The young girl that brought me there was my second or third girlfriend . It was her aunt somebody . She made me a sandwich and a glass of lemonade . I bummed around all weekend , doing lots of nothing . Had Easter dinner with the ex - family , went for a long bike ride , did extra sets at the gym to no use . I walked around the back yard with the boy and my new camera , hoping to capture some of his youthfulness . We went still bird watching , he and I . We hung the gift of a hummingbird feeder at Mom 's house . My apartment parking lot lured no hummers . The years pass as months , the blur of a time fastly fading . There exists a growing disparity between all of the things ever experienced and the rest of my life , the remainder . As if the elastic of a future that once seemed to stretch before me has now begun its sudden snap back , returning wildly towards the place from which it came . I sit now and look out my kitchen window , pretending to ponder the used metaphor of life being the trajectory of an arrow shot either randomly towards the sky , to the horizon , or into the ground . It seems that it was , or that it must be , or that it will be . One does not hardly even feel the arc of life until after its apex . I took the below picture of mi ex - esposa . It 's right out of the camera , only with the colors removed from the jpeg . I like the picture quite a bit , but she did not , so I 'll post it here at the bottom of this post , where she might not ever find it . He found basket upon basket of chocolate shaped as bunnies , as sweet as sugar is to the tongue . The eggs were painted each in powdered reds , oranges , yellows , blues , and purples . The oils we mixed into the dyes created unexpected patterns along the oblong surface of the shell . They broke apart easily . Mom deviled , after having split them , after having applied the whisk . Well , my RAID I system doesn 't work as well as I had hoped that it would . It 's an indexing problem . The library is too large and I 'm not able to effectively use iTunes ' indexing system remotely . I can share the library to my computer but I don 't really need that . The server is already redundant . Oh well , I can still access my files anywhere that I am , I just need to know how to navigate to the files in question as the search function is nearly useless . I should have known , really . The tech - support guy at Synology discouraged me from indexing , telling me that it occupies too many resources for the result that you get , and that it must be running in the background all of the time . Those tech guys usually know what they 're talking about . I own my first ever Android product now , a Samsung Galaxy 4 tablet . It seems clunky when compared to the Apple OS . I had always heard how superior it was in that regard . Ah well , there 's at least one argument for confirmation bias , or against . Perhaps it only needs more of my attention to become less awkward . That 's it , I 'm sure . It is nice having some new gadget that cost me nothing . Well , I chose to stay with AT & T as a mobile carrier , so they gave it to me as a reward . No new contract , just love from a company that clearly enjoys taking monthly money off me . It 'll help with the boy on long car trips . I jacked it up with a 64GB mini - SD card so we can go crazy downloading content onto it . I get to re - buy all the things I 've already bought twice and lost half once . I do not believe that I will ever get married again . I have learned to better trust my own initial judgement as a sort of pre - defense , divorce - prevention mechanism . I am listening to that little voice that says " Oh , don 't do that . Just , no . " So far it has only kept me from meeting a woman for coffee . I 'm sure there are greater mistakes that this method is waiting to save me from , out there somewhere watching me , a fumbling single parent of one . Women find divorcée fathers in particular need of their saving . The more together they seem then the more attractive they become and in need of a very specific saving : theirs . I have a new policy : 90 days . No matter how well things are going with a woman , any woman , I 'm going to set an iCal event to remind me to break up with her after 90 days . No questions asked , no answers given . Everything starts to fall apart entering the fourth month . Any signs of failure before that only light the threads of arriving future doom , giving ghostly pattern to the returning of a spidery apparition . Thus singeth the harpsichord . ( Current Grindr profile pic ) I love Easter . It 's the one day of the year in which I can easily cast off my hatred of all things , adorning the purple velvet cloak of Irish - Catholicism , to celebrate the day that signifies the culmination of the Passion of Christ . Also , I get to eat as much fish as I would like . In truth , I just like to see all the girls dressed up in their very best . Few things are as erotic as a church on Easter Sunday . I am going to come out in full support of traditional gender roles on this one day of the year . I 'm not talking about really young girls . I mean mostly late teenagers , and their hot , milfy , cougar mommies , instead . How funny and lucky it is for some that " teen " can still refer to a consensual adult . There is a two year window , by law , where teenagers are not considered jail - bait , but are able , capable , and eager to exercise their own choices , while still under the watchful and mostly disinterested eye of the law . If there are any 18 - 19 yr old readers of this site and you want to really piss your parents off then please reach out to me privately . We 'll have a great afternoon , send recent pics . Okay , there is that . I partially kid . I do invite anyone to argue patriarchy or feminism with me today . Good Friday . I have the power of the Holy Spirit behind me . I wield its enigma like a sword made from the winds . I slept for eight hours , a tremendous victory against the moon . The Gods of Olympus smiled down upon my suspended consciousness , my body in repose . The boy and I made dyed eggs last night , in anticipation of the arrival of the mystery bunny . We of course made a mess , but it was fun and we only broke one egg . The dye came off of plates very easily , and out of plastic containers the same , even off of fabric and dinner placemats and clothes . The one place that it refused to budge was skin . Dish soap was helpless against it . We both went to bed with gunked - up kid fingers . I returned from the gym sweaty , only to find that the water at my apartment had been turned off . I sit here now with the mineral rich sweat feeding whatever lingers along the cutaneous . I await the return of indoor plumbing to conduct my microbiotacide , to vanquish the dreaded malassezia globosa . Tinea Versicolor . Similar to CS 's slippage of late , I have also lost my mind and am buying things that I can 't afford . I purchased yet another new camera and lens this morning . It was expensive . I will need to sell something now , but I probably won 't . I won 't tell you what I bought . I 'll just wait to see if anybody can tell the difference in the pictures I post here . It was not the latest model , and I opted out of a lens that might have had better bokeh , but struggled focusing in low light situations . But , what the fuck , money never lasts . The other night I was preparing for sleep , reflecting upon my struggles obtaining and possessing the state of it . I put some water in the kettle and started preparing the tea , chamomile . I tried to open the packaging that kept the fresh tea bag from me , After one or two small parts torn away I still couldn 't get enough of my thumb or forefinger into the slit to separate the two halves . I started biting at the thing . Within seconds I ended up savagely tearing the entire thing into pieces with the ferocity of my jaw and the strength of my teeth . Bits of chamomile drifting to the kitchen floor as snow made of tea leaves . They were sprinkled along my chin when I wiped , proving that I had won . I cursed , spat , and kicked at nature as it fell , spreading it throughout the kitchen , underneath the refrigerator . It was all bath salts in catnip . The buzzer alarm of the microwave was going off - I use that to time the heating of the water , rather than letting it get too hot so that I have to wait for it to cool down before I drink it . I grabbed another tea bag in such a way as to let it know that I was in no mood for resistance . I felt like one of the bad cops at a rally . I was in charge , and not about to allow any fucking nonsense in the opening of this next bag . My message must have made it through . This one tore in a single line exactly as I intended , offering up its innards as alms to a weary man , one near the edge . After that , all was gravy . I looked at the floor and acknowledged my victory over one chamomile tea wrapper . The phrase " beautiful loser " whispered by . You just can 't have it all . . . I wondered : if I could so easily defeat one of them then how many would it take for them to overtake me completely . Certainly not the modest numbers that were represented by the sole box I had in my cabinet . I pictured being strapped to the beach by chamomilliputians , thousands of them ; then , me breaking free of their miniature harnesses , making water on all of them , laughing wildly into the nighttime sky . Howling , even . Howling myself to sleep . I was in bed with the lights off by 9pm last night . I awoke at the sun 's bright tolling of 7am . There is a super - boring story as to what happened between those hours , and yet it is all that I have to tell . Most nights - not all - I need some sort of relaxant to prepare myself for sleep . Otherwise , I very quickly develop sleep anxiety and will toss and turn for hours , so wound up with mind racing that I feel as a jack - in - the - box that never quite pops . There is the strangest Dutch carnival music that plays though my mind , at all hours , like the breaking of musical springs . The shattering of musical , metal bells . I close my eyes and see myself down the avenues , running with the midgets in Pamplona , all of it . It is the curse of diminishment - the less time left in the night the faster the upwards spiral of anxiety , as if the inward voice is organizing to protest against the non - arrival of something . There is Xanax , NyQuil , Ambien , melatonin , wine , chamomile tea , pot butter , and of course whiskey to help calm me down , but they each exact their toll . To sleep I narcoticize myself , but I wish to avoid habituation , so I wander from one method to another . I fear that I may have become acclimated to a sleeping process , instead of a substance , though in that I am not alone . I am most content when I fall asleep without the drowning assistance of the pharmacist , but writing that lends a tremor move through me . In fear of the ghosts of restlessness . A lifetime supply of opium would solve my modest problems , yet no game shows offer this simple prize as a prize . When friends learn of my condition they try to convince me that natural sleep aids are much better . They don 't work , I 've tried them - valerian root , magnesium , kava , all of that stuff . What few of those closest to the center of my sleeplessness seem to believe is that deprivation is far more unsettling to me , and far more likely to break loose some of the stalactites of my neuroses , than would be the recurring and moderated intake of the other stuff . After dosing through all of that , I awoke rested and fat . I never use a hood , which is why there is lens flare in the image above , though I kind of like it . Reminds me of bad pictures from my own childhood , though they were always in faded colors . I could have used the flare more creatively , but I thought I was actually getting away with it . Turns out I was just botching the shots , trying to get the shadow in the shot and ignoring the elephant in the sun . I like what CS has done by shifting the personal pronouns from " I " to " you " in mid - post . I can 't figure out why I like it so much . Change is nice , you see . I did read portions of several books on Sunday afternoon . I could not settle in to one . They were either too dark , too much of an academic study , or the fictive writing was simply bad . I have been trying to read through a few recommendations and they are mostly terrible . I have to stop letting Amazon suggest reading material for me . I get sucked in , thinking that I 'll find out about some cool new writers to which I am currently oblivious , but then I get this book that 487 people rated as a 5 star masterpiece and it turns out to be limping twaddle , the pages sag in my hand as I turn them ever more slowly . I received Lawrence Osborne 's Hunters In The Dark but have not started reading it yet , which is lucky for me as it will likely save me from the seemingly endless supply of bound drivel piling up around me . The debut book by Callan Wink is promising , semi - recommended by CS . As for auto - recommendations … . When will I learn that Amazon is not my friend . When it comes to books and music they are that annoying acquaintance that you are expected to nod politely at while they drone on about their last triumph of mediocrity , having already forgotten the artist / writer / title / etc of the work that they just impressed upon you as being " life changing . " Some of it does represent a life change , to be sure , though rarely in the way that one might hope . When you are done reading some books you have less life left , fewer hours remain . Recommendations are best made from those whose tastes in the given form you esteem , all else is rarity and coincidence , if not miracle or mystery . Amazon 's friend - algorithm is about as good a companion as is Siri . It is a form of ambient knowledge , one which is useless because anybody can find it . Even worse : they are encouraged to contribute . If you want to participate in democracy than attach a book that you 've always wanted to read to each of the candidates and force yourself to read it , depending on who wins . It 'll help take your mind off which version of the end - times we are left with . . . Choose carefully . If Mein Trumpf wins you read Graves ' I , Claudius , etc . I go into the city tonight to serve my friends warm plates of Coq au Vin tonight . I 've substituted a certain style of living for a specific style of eating . I will fall asleep at their house at a sensible time , curled up like a kitten , then awaking slowly from a deep sleep , stretching my limbs into the air around me , reaching for the invisible stars still twirling across my eyes as they fade . As if I was free to read as I please and that it was a weekend morning once again . Okay , I get it , my cooking show might not launch . I received almost as little interest in my roast chicken yesterday as my mention of gay sex seemed to generate … my readers stayed away in droves . To regain my audience I might have to cook my way out of the closet . Maybe I should toggle the switch on this site to " contains adult material , " a phrase which sounds like a politically corrected term for the output of a urinary tract episode . With the help of CS I am slowly learning how to navigate the world of millennials , and social media . He sends me articles that I find quite humorous , mostly written by people my age . They outline the problem with millennials , sort of . There is a sense of bemused exasperation in most of what I read . They just doesn 't understand . Middle age is an odd place to be , like Middle Earth but with far too many hobbits . Looking at things from this vantage point , everything becomes eldritch , like coming down from a lifelong psychedelic , sort of . Issues of time and space , and ultimately the echoes of mortality , return with increasing severity . I question whether I took life " seriously " enough , though I know better than to answer that question , or to try . I now remember what my father was like when I was a kid , and why I didn 't like him . His life fears and observations were informing everything he had to say to me . I was a whimsical kid , some say too much , but I had an idea of what I didn 't want out of life . He would try to impress upon me through iteration and reiteration that I would " spend life digging ditches " if I didn 't get an education or find a vocation . His singularly dystopian vision of my future was not filled with baboons and periwinkles , but was instead inhabited with foremen and shovels , long days of bologna sandwiches with no mayonnaise . Now , here I am at mid life , looking at a four year old boy and finding myself wanting to fill his head with future financial fears . Well , sort of . I wish to impress concepts like compound interest upon him . To wit , he really loves Buzz Lightyear . They are great buddies who have traveled the galaxy together and I derive a fair amount of pleasure from repeating the character 's catch - phrases with him . He has had a Buzz action figure for some time now , and it looks as if a four year old has cared for it . One arm fell off , he lost a foot some time back , drowned in a vat of unrelated toys and toy parts . His semi - retractable half - dome helmet is clear plastic , or was . It is now covered in the telling scratches that confirm his many adventures . So , we went into the little city up the valley and to the mall . Yes , The Mall . The boy has no acquired disdain for such places and I can stomach them as long as I 'm able to buy him things to make him happy . Easy enough . A few minutes later , we were walking out of the Disney store ( see , I told you that I was gay and nobody listened ) where we had purchased some Darth Vader pajamas and a new Buzz Lightyear . No sooner had we freed him from his interplanetary cardboard spaceship did the boy grab both of them and fly them into one another , head - first , creating the plastic - on - plastic sound of collision pre - associated with normal play . Without being able to stop myself I launched into an abbreviated version of how to care for things so that they might last . I wasn 't even able to finish the speech , nor would it have mattered . I realized I was trying to convince a four year old boy that Buzz Lightyear is temporal and fallible . Like all other things in life , one day he too , the mighty Buzz Lightyear , will fail . If there had been a mirror in the living room then I 'm convinced that I would have looked into it and seen the eyes of my father , as played by the portrait of Dorian Gray . Few things are as soul corrupting as the recognition of caution and fear in your behavior towards a child playing as children do , innocently and exactly as we would want them to be . I 'll spend my later years reminding him to hold on to his youthful vigor and I hope he reminds me about my Buzz Lightyear safety tips . I was tempted to smash both Buzz 's together in mock triumph and celebration , to regain the boy 's trust , though this action somehow did not adequately convey my message either . There are some truths that are simply not transferable . They are discoverable , appearing only in time , for some . My truth was that I am becoming a dad : protective and loving , concerned though unprepared , correcting yet unsure of my own definitions of the concept , trapped somewhere between being a child myself and actively trying to teach one how to no longer be one . Jesus Christ . What the fuck is wrong with me ? The boy just woke up . I took a few minutes out of my morning and tried to explain all of this to him , it being so fresh and clear in my mind . I put it in for a bit more after this , 6 or 7 minutes , at 500 degrees . It came out a more golden brown than is shown here , but I neglected to take another picture . The next time I go to Washington I 'm going to go see Julia Child 's Kitchen at The Smithsonian . A friend recommended a cook book , Food52 , which has been great for me . Since I don 't know how to cook I 'm less reluctant to follow some of the unorthodox recipes found therein . Another friend bought one for me as a gift , which has been super useful , and yet another was a recommendation . Between all three I 'll be a master chef by the time that I retire . This morning I prepared Coq au Vin for eight . It 's slow cooking now . I will bring it to my friends ' house on Monday night and we will all feast on my specialized labor . I 'm going to start my own cooking show soon . The days arrive , giving reason to why many purr and coo when I tell them that I live in Sonoma . It is the most beautiful place that I have lived . These days are as drops of honey on the tongue , passing like silk across the eyes , a blue bath for the mind . I did something that I rarely do , for reasons . I went through my blog posts , reading backwards in time . Several things jumped out at me , monsters being among them , but most of all the near complete incomprehensibility of my writing was what was noticeable . I suspect that I have successfully merged a nervous - breakdown with a mid - life crisis . Somehow , the two competing internal doomsdays are both sliding into home plate . My breakdown hit a ground single just past the infield , one that might have pushed the mid - life runner at second - base into home , but then inexplicably the breakdown turned around when it was almost at the first - base bag and darted back towards home . Separation anxiety , perhaps . My high strings must have pre - felt too alone way out there on first base , away from home . Do you see what I mean ? That paragraph has very little to do with itself . It starts one way and ends on a baseball metaphor that has no precedent . There are pages and pages of gibberish almost just like that . What happened ? I used to be able to write , I think . I feel as if I did . There is a sexual neuroses in too much of what I have written in the past few weeks . It might be troubling if I didn 't find it vaguely amusing . I asked a friend yesterday if she believes that she has ever formed a healthy sexual relationship and her response was immediate : Yes , with myself . She went on to describe that she has no qualms whatsoever with what goes on in her own mind . It is only when she shares them that the trouble starts . I could hardly believe what I was hearing , what seemed like the truth . It was an unexpected , though not entirely unsurprising , revelation . I confided to her that I have often wondered what Wonder Woman 's panties smell like . The weather is lifting , though only during the week . It rained last weekend and will do the same this next , I 'm told . I 'm told lots of things , it is too bad that I so rarely listen . Tonight I go to see a friend . It is the opening of an exhibit : Bill Graham and the Rock and Roll Revolution . My legs don 't want to push the gas pedal , or the brake . I did not make it to the gym today . I wish to lie around and read , maybe watch a movie , a documentary . Execute he just might . I 'm more worried about Apple , though , for now . Ever since I " fixed " my unbroken iPhone and got rid of all of the unwanted iTunes download history from my Music index it keeps requesting that I re - attach my iTunes account by logging in . As far as I can tell there is no way to disable this . So , much like the forced OS updates , now I have this to contend with also . Apparently , I am not allowed to use the device as it is advertised , as a means to play the music that I want to listen to . For that , I must scroll through my purchase history . Things that include the theme songs to Welcome Back , Kotter , Hawaii Five - O , and Rocky . Then some that are much less funny : Anne Murray 's " You Needed Me . " The nightmares never cease , they only become more brief and frequent . To wit , I went to purchase some food stuff at the locally owned , recently sold to a larger corporation , food store here in town , Sonoma Market . I wanted to buy some nicer cuts of meat for a chicken roast , a beef stew , a spaghetti bolognese , and pork breakfast accoutrements . While there , I browsed the aisles and saw what looked like some high end pasta . I bought two boxes at $ 8 each . For pasta . When I went to use one of them last night I realized that it was gluten - free . It tasted okay , but it left some residue in my pot , some gluten replacement gunk . I don 't mind people making their own dietary choices , but now they 've come after me … . Lastly on the agenda , I forgot about DST last night and was timing my evening with the boy around the clocks in the kitchen . Big mistake . It felt later , but something was off . I kept the boy busy with coloring in his new Batman book and putting together a bookshelf for his room . When I finally realized what I had been doing it was already 8 : 15pm , well past the time that he should already be in bed and trying to sleep . So , we did a quick rush job on brushing our teeth and then read one book of poems before bed . This morning , he awoke an hour and fifteen minutes late . I rushed to get everything prepared for his day , with little success . He was late to school and slightly underfed . He had no jacket here , so there was a stop by Mom 's house also . I arrived at his daycare about 40 minutes late , to the disappointment of the henchpersons that run the place . They rule with an Iron Elmo . Okay , I guess there is one last life - update from the files of the Q6 weekend . I did take my bigger camera to the performance on Sunday , having already experienced the production in its raw , most essential form , I questioned whether or not I would get much out of it on a second viewing , so I was the annoying dad with a huge camera and lens at a child 's musical play , an offspring - opera , if you will . He is so fascinated with the performance that he stands there the entire time with his back to the audience , watching the spectacle behind him . He was , perhaps too young to be involved in this , though I suspect no harm was done by it . The opposite , in fact . He did have the classic actor 's meltdown in the car with Mommy after it was over , but that is all part of the stresses and many strains of performance art . Okay , so I wasn 't that dad that brought a dslr and a telephoto lens to the performance . Nor did I set up a tripod and stereo mics , but I did bring a little Fuji X100S that has a video feature , which was cute . I took a couple still - shots that came out , where I could at least crop them as proof that the event had happened . I 'm going to another performance this afternoon , so perhaps I will bring the bigger camera , give myself something to do , etc . Not that the principal characters didn 't do a good job with their performances . They did . The thing was a lot of fun to watch , though I do not know if repeated viewings will improve the experience much . I guess that 's not why I 'm there , it is to be entertained and I was . I have recently discovered that a lifelong friend of mine and I share the same mantra : Shut - up , Sean … Shut up , Sean . . . The organization that puts these plays on must make a goldmine in cash , yet there is still a massive opportunity that they have missed . They could be recording these performances and selling them . They 're already overcharging for everything else , so why not ? I mean , $ 25 for the entire recording of a once in a lifetime performance . I mean , even psychics charge that much . Why not ? I wasn 't going to bring a camera at all , but then Cato told me a story about a recent trip that he made , back home to NYC . His father had compiled a collection of images and video from when he was growing up , and how touched he was by the content and effort . So , then I felt like a bit of an idiot for even considering not shooting some sort of image . Think of it , in this new world the question might be , Why didn 't my parents take or post enough pictures of me ? I never questioned how much film wasn 't spent on me when I was growing up . I only took note of the images that were there , piecing together in my mind a sort of patchwork fantasy history of what really happened . That , mixed with my mother 's recollections and persuasions and I had constructed a fairly dismal view of my father , one that remained almost until his death . Such is Mommy - Power . Divorce is tough on families , particularly if you 're raised Catholic . You never get one . I forgot that it was Daylight Saving Time so I called to video - chat with the boy about 30 minutes before they were ready to wake up , having forgotten about the change and only thinking that perhaps I slept in . But no , instead I called the ex and the boy long before they had woken up . Ooops . Ah well , I 'm okay with them each losing a little sleep for science . Facts are fun , and the posting of results from fact - checking sites has become the new contrarian discourse to emerge from the meta - generation . The people have spoken , and they all disagree , most of all on the facts . Envisage my stupefaction when I discovered that Donald Trump has said a thing or two that actually correlates with reality , though admittedly it was only when he wanted to take down another candidate . Ted Cruz is not liked by anybody . He doesn 't have the support of a single US senator . People talk about how politically ineffectual Bernie Sanders would be … Well , I think that I may have already said thWell , a new day emerged before those that survived the night , the day ahead emerging faster than usual ; there are eggs to be made , toast , a fruit juice or smoothy , maybe even some sausage ; the rain arrives , moving from the heavens above , proof that even there nothing remains still for very long . A clean weekend ahead of me , or rather , a weekend cleaning . I had hoped that the weather would turn towards something better , but no , it is gray and overcast , colder than what I care for . A perfect day for the gym , though the gym does not take all day . Tonight , the boy is part of a theatrical production , his first . The Little Mermaid . So , there will be that to attend . Everyone has asked me if I 'm going to take pictures or video when I mention it . Probably not . I just hope I remember to bring my glasses . Today is a good day for cooking , though there are no guests . I would ride my bike , but a part of me still wishes to live . It can be a problem , which often results in other problems . The efforts spent trying to " get to know oneself " can be problematic for the deeply religious and irreligious . There is a yoga class at 11 : 45 this morning . There really should be yoga for agnostics , where the focus is only on the quieting meditative and self - reflexive aspects of the exercises . The two systems of belief do not seem as if they require an announced incompatibility , though I 'll admit that something about the idea feels wrong . It was my experience with the nature of faith that led me to atheism , so why not ? Perhaps I had a poor instructor , my own inner voice . Or , perhaps that voice suspended in the unlit sphere is the only voice in the universe . It would be nice to still believe that there are invisible forces fighting for my attention . I mean , ones with cool names . It 's like super - heroes and super - villains , but for adults . If I could close my eyes and fend off Satan with an assured invocation then you can believe that I would . This is not what I want to write about . Perhaps I will feel differently after the gym . I 've been looking at new computers . I want one . I don 't need one , at all , but that doesn 't suppress the urges . I have been conducting an internal war with Apple for the last few months . I have come to hate them as a company . They completely abandoned the user experience in their products . The user has become the product that they are consuming . You can hardly touch the fucking phone any longer without them changing one of your settings to use their service or to buy something . It 's like a commercial that can make phone calls . I spent nearly an hour last night just trying to get the Music app on my phone to not show me my entire iTunes download history . It wasn 't actually in the phone , it was only there to clog up my ability to scroll through the music that I actually did want on the thing . All of the recommendations online did not work , and once I started trying to create a community - question on their forums about it they planted a cookie in my browser so that I could not get back to just browsing their forums . They had me in their grips and they were chewing away . I thought that they had re - written my host file , but it was just a cookie . I found it and vanquished it . I can still do that . It makes me laugh now when people refer to Microsoft as a monopoly that the government had to break apart . Apple will be next . Governments do not like to compete with their subjects . Well , it is time for me to sweat . I 'm going to find my C & C Music Factory cassette and put some batteries in the Walkman and go do some Jazzercise . The impending change of Daylight Saving Time has me living anachronistically , while it lasts . It sounds , when read properly , as if Daylight is saving Time tomorrow . I picture Time in some sort of trouble , floating in the nothingness of space , being dragged by the demons of darkness in helpless and lost circles , until Daylight comes to the rescue … bringing Light to Time and trouncing Darkness by surprise . The arrows of Light puncturing the endless veil of the Abysm . Louis CK has confused himself with Eugene O ' Neill . I saw CK in the film Trumbo and he was abysmalo . Dumbo . He nearly ruined the film , not just for me but for our entire group . He can and does have dramatic moments in his comedy routines , particularly his show Louie , but he seems to have convinced himself that he 's a serious actor now , that he has something to vital and deep to convey . He doesn 't , as an actor . Not to say that the new show , Horace and Pete , isn 't any good , just that Louis CK needs to stop being in it . The writing was good enough , but he can 't carry a moment , while the other actors can , and did ; Alan Alda , Steve Buscemi , Jessica Lange ( as Faye Dunaway ) , Steven Wright ( as Hank Chinaski ) , Edie Falco , and more ! CK is smart enough to have Steven Wright play a role that suits him , but he fails to do so with himself , unless the premise of the series is those that are out of place when being watched being out of place . You can feel his " pause - headturn - pause - look - back - at - other - actor - look - away - again " moments arriving minutes before they happen . It 's an actor 's showcase : paucity of surprise , loss of believability , reliance on vulnerability as a characteristic , listening to the other actors too intently . The last of these is usually a good thing in an actor , when done well , but you can tell that Louis is thinking about it too much . He never presented himself as being natural , but his awkwardness needs less work . He does with his intense glumness what Jim Carrey does with his face , or tries to . I stayed up late ( for me , midnight ) and binge - watched two episodes of the new show . I slept in until 5am or so . In fairness , I only really watched the first episode . I was starting to drift off in the second . Louis might improve a bit as the series progresses . First episodes are what they are . It was nice to see Alan Alda scream at Louis . That 's almost how I felt . Trump fans are really coming out against the decades - long indignities they 've suffered at the excesses of liberal decency . I mean , these hard working people have had to suffer political correctness , the near equivalent of social internment camps . And these are white people . . . I mean , the real white people . Cowboy hats , and stuff . The juggernaut of ugliness that is the Tea Party has finally gained the momentum that they had all hoped for . They just didn 't get the candidate that they might have wanted , or maybe they did . Who knows , group intellectuals can be such a mysterious bunch . I 'm relieved that I won 't have to see much more of it , thirty years if I 'm lucky . I do worry about the boy and the nation that he will move to , but that 's just natural . Parents fear the future more than most . I think we don 't have much choice but to let Trump and his ilk - storm fashion the nation out of their abbreviated ideals . It does not appear that there is any stopping him now . The popular backlash against the two Obama victories will soon be complete . Old Whitey has suffered just about e - fucking - nough . It would be easy to blame Sarah Palin for all of this . Or , more accurately that useless goblin wart John McCain , but this is all just part of the democratic process . When the best that both sides have to offer is Trump and Clinton / Sanders then we 'll get the president that we deserve . I like Sanders . He is fun to watch and I would find life more interesting if he were to become the president , but it doesn 't seem that the Dems have a chance against Trumpzilla . Americans won 't vote to stop anything - take careful note of Congress - they only vote when they have a good reason to believe in a candidate , which is what is happening with Trump . It feels like being in a nationwide prison shower scene . Somebody is about to get fucking raped and the entire left is a legion of limping impotents , while the right are lining up en masse to gang the living shit out of something . It 's as if the Bundy clan are the only registered voters left , and they 're all about to lose that privilege . Yet another constitutional battle on the horizon . I 'd like to see Obama pull a Giuliani and try to extend the term limits to three at the very last minute , declare a national emergency . I 'd prefer to see Obama face off against Trump in a debate and an election more than just about anybody else , and I wouldn 't consider myself an enormous fan of him . But he has become as comfortable with his power as Donald Duck has become with his Uncle Scrooge 's money . Which is why I 'd really like to see Bloomberg run as an independent . I think he made his own money , and quite a bit more of it than did Trump . If I had the resources I would shoot a film with Trump emerging from the waters of the Hudson , ala ' - Zilla , screeching and breathing flaming orange hair from his nostrils . Little hands at the end of little T - Rex arms , etc . , but a massive green lizard cock , of course . Maybe invert it , make his tail emerge from the frontside of the abhorrent beast , an enormous thagomizer where the penis head should be . Pan down . A slow - motion shot of it rising out of the water with the Manhattan skyline in the rear . For the heart , life is simple : it beats for as long as it can . Then it stops . Sooner or later , one day , this pounding action will cease of its own accord , and the blood will begin to run towards the body 's lowest point , where it will collect in a small pool , visible from the outside as a dark , soft patch on ever whitening skin , as the temperature sinks the limbs stiffen and the intestines drain . These changes in the first hours occur so slowly and take place with such inexorability that there is something almost ritualistic about them , as if life capitulates according to specific rules , a kind of gentleman 's agreement to which the representatives of death also adhere , inasmuch as they always wait until life has retreated before they launch their invasion of the new landscape . By which point , however , the invasion is irrevocable . The enormous hordes of bacteria that begin to infiltrate the body 's innards cannot be halted . Had they but tried a few hours earlier , they would have met with immediate resistance ; however everything around them is quiet now , as they delve deeper and deeper into the moist darkness . - Karl Ove Knausgaard , My Struggle A little light reading from Scandinavia . Norway , to be more precise . I have only read this first passage , though have done so many times . I fear tackling opus episodic works , the serial magnums of the world . My trepidation is either that they will occupy all of my time or that I will not finish them , both of which will result in a vague guilt . I have been reading cookbooks more than literature lately , or books on childhood and personality development that border on self - help , though ones that stop short of making recommendations and suggesting " exercises " for improvement . I tried to read a recommendation concerning the dismantling of patriarchy but couldn 't get past the mystical fiction of it . I had to abandon the effort . It was far too male in its attempt to explain and denounce things , a quietly tedious screed more than an invitation , one based on the premise that the masculine impulse is to destroy through greed while the feminine is to preserve through love . I almost made the mistake of mentioning it yesterday , but then corrected myself , though not quite enough in terms of self - correction . There was an incriminating typo in my Dolly Parton quote . Patriarchal partial education be damned , but thanks anyway ! I came upon a number of startling statistics the night before last . I was shocked by them , and nearly made the mistake of launching them upon my readers , but then opted not to at the last moment . Upon discussing them with Cato he found them to be less than believable , though in talking them over with him I believe , and suspect that he does as well , that what makes them so difficult to believe is that the facts simply do not confirm our biases . It is easy to reject data when it does not support your faith in a thing , and there is plenty of data to go around . So , I won 't clog the airwaves further with any of it here .
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In a post sometime ago Dave Lucas wondered why I post my blog both on wordpress . com and blogspot . com . Here 's why . When I initially wanted to blog , I didn 't know about wordpress . I did know that blogspot was where most of the serious blogs were . I wanted to be taken seriously and knew that places like livejournal and myspace were not where I wanted to be . I really liked blogspot when I started out , but I wanted to be able to index all of my posts by using categories . I could not figure out a way of doing it . Then I discovered wordpress . Wordpress makes it very easy to add categories . You can also add additional pages that show up as tabs at the top of your blog . You can add pages like about us , contact us , etc . Wordpress also allows you to import ALL of your posts from your old blog . I imported all of my posts from blogspot to wordpress and was working on categorizing all of the old posts , but I had yet to let anyone know about my blog , when one day blogger went down for hours and people could not access my blog . That 's when I decided it would be a good idea to let people know about my wordpress blog , so they could access it when blogger was down . Blogger has gone done several times since , which made me realize that a back up blog site was important to have . At first traffic on my wordpress site was low , but now it has outstripped my blogspot site . It runs about five times the traffic on blogspot . In fact my blogspot blog traffic has remained relatively constant now for months . I also do not have to add any tags to my wordpress posts , because the categories work as wordpress tags . Furthermore , wordpress tags , in my experience , are picked up better by search engines than technorati tags are . Not having much computer savvy , I have yet to learn how to add technorati tags in the graceful way that Dave and other bloggers have . On the downside , you can 't modify your template with wordpress ( although you can if you pay a one time $ 15 upgrade fee ) , and it 's not easy to add links , although I think that would be correctposted by Dan Weaver at 6 : 45 AM | The Daily Gazette has published a number of letters to the editor lately that I can only characterize as dumb . The other day , Barry Groat was complaining about how WMHT is always asking for money . It seems that about every other month , the Gazette publishes a letter like this . But no one ever writes in and complains about WAMC always asking for money . WMHT provides the only classical music in the Capital Region and Mohawk Valley . It also provides some of the best television . Furthermore , while WAMC 's staff pleads , begs , chastises , and guilt trips the listener in the manner of an Elmer Gantry or a Tetzel ( as soon as the coin in the coffer rings , your soul from purgatory springs ) in order to get listeners to drop money in their tin cup , WMHT 's auction lets you get something for your money . On a side note , a little research on Barry Groat turned up a story I had forgotten - - Groat 's brother 's conviction for trying to extort money from the CIA . Groat 's brother used to be a cop in Glenville , until he got kicked off of the force . I don 't mean that to be any reflection on Barry Groat . It 's just an interesting side note . On 8 / 17 / 06 , Norrine Thompson wrote to The Gazette making fun of another woman who had written about the properties of scented bleach . Norrine seems to have missed the point of the first letter . The first letter writer was letting people know that scented bleach does not disinfect . If you live in areas of New York State that were flooded in June , that is a useful piece of news . The fact that you can 't disinfect your flooded house with scented bleach is at least as important as which movie star is pregnant , getting married , getting a divorce , etc . On 8 / 22 / 06 , Anne M . Fitzgerald wrote to say that Child Protective Services only takes children away from parents who are neglecting or abusing them . She must believe that cops only arrest guilty people . I have written a response to The Gazette . Look for it soon . Going back a ways to June 7 , Elaine Pastore of Scotia wrote a letter making fun of Carl Stroc3 comments By now I 'm sure you 've already heard that Christine Wilhelm 's murder conviction was overturned by the Third District of the Appellate Division of the New York State Supreme Court on Thursday . Wilhelm , who suffers from a severe psychotic condition , was prosecuted in 2002 by Rennselaer County DA Patricia DeAngelis ( DeAngelis was an ADA at the time ) for drowning her one son and attempting to drown the other . You can read the entire 16 page decision yourself . Carl Strock wrote a great column in yesterday 's Sunday Gazette about the court 's decision . The Times Union also wrote an editorial praising the decision and blasting Ms . DeAngelis . Even The Record came out from under its rock long enough to say that the DA " may have had the last nail pounded into her political coffin . " There is little to add to what Strock , The Record and The Times Union had to say except to note that DeAngelis has yet to post a press release concerning the decision on her web site . This is odd because if a court 's decision is favorable to her , she posts a press release before the ink is dry on the decision . I also note an oddity that is mentioned on both pages three and fifteen of the decision . The prosecutor was at the Hoosick Falls Police Department shortly after Wilhelm was arrested and monitored Ms . Wilhelm while she went to the bathroom . DeAngelis did apologize for being with Ms . Wilhelm at such an " awkward " moment . It seems that the court 's decision has provided another awkward moment for Patricia DeAngelis , but I wouldn 't hold my breath waiting for an apology . In one of the loveliest sentences in the English language , E . B . White describes " the loveliest town of all . " In the loveliest town of all , where the houses were white and high and the elm trees were green and higher than the houses , where the front yards were wide and pleasant and the back yards were bushy and worth finding out about , where the streets sloped down to the stream and the stream flowed quietly under the bridge , where the lawns ended in the orchards and the orchards ended in fields and the fields ended in pastures and the pastures climbed the hill and disappeared over the top toward the wonderful wide sky , in this loveliest of all towns Stuart stopped to get a drink of sarsaparilla . The town that E . B . White is describing is Ames , New York , a small village located in the southwest corner of Montgomery County , where White often visited . The quote is taken from Chapter XIII of Stuart Little . Here Stuart Little meets Harriet Ames , a young girl , who is as small as he is . Stuart Little and Harriet Ames might be Ames 's most famous fictional characters , but Alexander William Randall is its most famous native son . My wife and I looked at this old house in Ames when it was up for sale . It came with 40 acres and was less than $ 100 , 000 , but when we got inside we found that it had been redecorated in a style that here in Montgomery County we would refer to as " Fulton County . " It would have taken another $ 100 , 000 to put the house right . Ames has its own museum , which was formerly the Ames Academy . Parking his car in front of the general store , he stepped out and the sun felt so good that he sat down on the porch for a few minutes to enjoy the feeling of being in a new place on a fine day . This was the most peaceful and beautiful spot he had found in all his travels . It seemed to him a place he would gladly spend the rest of his life in , if it weren 't that he might get homesick for the sights of New York and for his family , Mr . and Mrs . Frederick C . Little and George , and if it weren 't for the fact that posted by Dan Weaver at 5 : 17 AM | Note : I was away the last two days without access to this blog or to my e - mail . Several comments were left on an old post I wrote about Jack Carroll and Ed Girtler . Some of them were written by Girtler and some were responses to his comments . I have posted those comments and you can read them here . For background on the Jack Carroll case , go to the web site run by Justice Now . Ed , The first thing I need to say is that I am not anti - cop . I need to say that before some bozo tries to make that comment . My father was an MP in World War II . My uncle George was a cop in Media , PA and was shot when he interrupted a burglary in progess . He recovered and remained a cop his entire life . One of the problems I have with your comments is that you seem to equate legality and morality . Something may be legal ; that does not make it ethical or moral . Killing Jews was legal in Germany during World War II , but it wasn 't moral . Slavery was legal in the United States at one time , but it wasn 't moral . Lying has a corrosive effect on a person . We just saw that in the Christopher Porco case . Even when you lie for a " good " purpose ( e . g . in order to get a confession out of a defendant ) , it has an effect on you . I 'm not sure that a person can just put on a liar 's persona and take it off at will . A cop who lies on a regular basis in the station house , may not be able to stop lying when he gets on the witness stand . You mention " the higher power " that you and Jack Carroll will have to face some day . I am glad you are thinking about God because that is where my mind has been a lot lately also . I especially think about that commandment , " Thou shall not bear false witness . " I also think about the words of one of the Jewish prophets who said there are two great evils - - the first is letting a guilty man go free , the second is making an innocent man suffer . Anyway , according to one comment on the previous post , you still have an open invitation to sit down and talk with Ernie Tetrault about the Jack Carroll case . I also extend to you 1 comments I live in Saratoga County and the Trauma that my daughter suffered was unbelievable . I asked for help at a time when I was weak from chemo to the point where I had to take procrit and had to get help . CPS instead helped themselves to my grandson and told me that my daughter had to earn him back . They used her disability to keep my beautiful grandson ; and pulled stunt after stunt on my daughter who has recently turned to the drug world in order to deal with the pain of losing her son . They constantly called her at her job ; I know because she complained to me . She lost job after job ; two apts , then started to lose her sanity with the cruel tricks they played on her . They then made a false accusation , called the police hoping to find a bruise on a two year old child . When they couldn 't find any signs of abuse , they tricked her by saying that if you admit to permanent neglect , you will get your child back way sooner . So she admitted to what they were accusing her of , figuring they would use it anyways . Her child is with the foster parents and she turned to drugs and went to jail . Now she is out and I cannot even say where she is anymore . I tried to get her son and have been trying for three years ( in court constantly and visiting , never missing a visit ) . However they have terminated her rights and couldn 't find anything on me ( don 't have a record ) , so they decided to say that I am guilty of not knowing that she would not get better . Now we have to appeal and all I can afford is a court appointed attorney who is exactly that , owned by the court . Thank you , DeborahHowever , yesterday I recieved a Nationwide class actions v . family courts & CPS alert from Tom Howse , President of Civil Rights Council www . indianacrc . org We got burned when we bought our first horse - - a pretty , eleven year old , tri - colored paint mare with the not very original name Flicka . A veterinarian sold her to us , never telling us her bad habits . She destroyed the gate to her pasture and chewed up and ruined the entire top rail of the fence , and she had other bad habits to boot . Well we finally found someone who was willing to swap even with us , even after we explained all of Flicka 's faults . Our new horse , Jitterbug , is a three year old , Quarter Horse gelding . He needs training , but at least we won 't have to break him of bad habits . Our New Horse Arriving . Our Old Horse Leaving . Please note that for the time being I will only be blogging on Monday , Wednesday and Friday . Editor 's Note : I asked one Porco family member to comment on the guilty verdicts that were handed down today against Christopher Porco . I thought the response was excellent , and I thank " Insider " for taking the time to share with us . Hi Dan , I guess here 's what I 'd say : While we 're obviously pleased with this outcome , sending Chris to jail for 50 + years will not bring Peter back or turn Joan back into the wonderful woman she was . I still won 't be able to pick up the phone and call Peter when I want to , and our family will never again sit around the dining room table at Brockley Drive and enjoy one of Joan 's famous dinners . So while I don 't blame anyone for celebrating , tonight I 'll raise a glass on my own in Peter 's memory . My hope for the future is that we can support Joan and do our best to make sure that she doesn 't waste any of the limited money she has left on the appeal Terry is already planning . Chris is entitled to his appeal , and I 'm sure there are plenty of public interest lawyers and bright law students who will be willing to help him with it . I just don 't want to see Joan driven any further into poverty by Chris 's selfish act . My sincere thanks to McDermott and Rossi who are smart , patient , and honorable lawyers . Thanks also to the BPD and everyone who has said kind words or sent warm thoughts our way . I sincerely appreciate that while the community expressed their outrage at what Chris did , you all were able to see that a very normal and loving family still existed outside of that act . With any luck , we 're going to work on getting back to being that family . Insider posted by Dan Weaver at 10 : 28 PM | I said I would not post again about Christopher Porco , but I feel it necessary to mention that he was found guilty on both charges today , as I ( and many others ) predicted he would be . I did not expect the jury to return a verdict in six hours , however . I would like to repeat one more observation . Now that Christopher has been found guilty , someone , either family members or crime victim 's advocates , should see that none of his victims ' money is used to pay for his defense . Here are a handful of posts from other blogs that I have wanted to point out for a long time . York Staters wrote a great piece back in June on the meaning of the name of the town of Niskayuna . The names of cities and towns in New York State seem to have at least four major sources : Indian names ( Niskayuna ) ; Classical names ( Utica , Troy , Ithaca ) , names from the old countries ( Albany , Amsterdam ) , and Biblical names ( Sodom , Goshen ) . The state has been wanting to ban open burning for years , thus depriving kids of one of life 's simple pleasures - - bonfires . I - Saratoga blogged in June about Schenectady 's health officer wanting to shut down another of life 's simple pleasures - - the potluck supper . Albany Eye blogged recently about another of life 's simple pleasures - - drive - in movies . If you live out in this part of the Mohawk Valley you can choose between Ozoner - 29 in Broadalbin or El - Rancho in Palatine Bridge . Ozoner 29 was built in 2003 . El - Rancho has been around since 1952 . At one point , in the late 70s or early 80s , District Attorney Howard Aison had to shut down El - Rancho . At the time , it was only showing pornographic movies , and the locals dubbed the theater , El - Rauncho . It has long since returned to family fare . Finally , Dave Lucas of Capital Region People blogged about a number of people who have unexpectedly died or disappeared , then asks one of life 's ultimate questions , " If this was the last day of YOUR life , would you ' be ready ? ' " Note : An Albany Grand Jury refused to indict Officer Michael Geraci on assault charges this past week . Upstream received the following comment from a neighbor of Mr . Berhrmann , the man Geraci was accused of assaulting . Hello I 'd like to comment on the John Behrmann incident here in Albany New York . If anyone one saw the video of Mr . Berhmann being dragged out of the police van , it was absolutely horrible . No one should be treated like that by the police unless of course they are being assaulted . Knowing Mr . Behrmann personally , it takes him fifteen minutes to get in and out of a vehicle with free hands , so imagine at 73 , hands cuffed behind his back and a much needed hip replacement how assaultive he could have been . Mr . Behrmann has lived in Albany for about 18 months without problems until an officer back in November questioned him about speaking to a person that he ( the officer ) didn 't like . It 's been down hill every since . On December 31 , My husband came in the house and told me that Mr . Berhmann had been arrested and he was unsure of the cause . Later we found out that it was trespassing ( a lie ) , public intoxication ( um maybe tipsee ) but who isn 't on New Years Eve , and some other miscellaneous charge which by the way happened to be another lie . All of which was dismissed in police court . None of it was true . From the police station Mr . Behrmann was taken to the Va hospital where he was treated for injuries sustained while he was in police custody . He had no injuries before that . The following day Mr . Behrmann came to see my husband and me and he was terribly bruised and bleeding , I took pictures and we reported it . That is how this case started . Now Mr . Behrmann is a target for Albany Police Department . Remember the officer that I said questioned Mr . Behrmann about why he was speaking to an individual he didn 't like ? Well he has an office in the apartment building in which Mr . Behrmann lives . This building is for the handicapped , disabled and ederly . Mr . Behrmann went home one day to find his key wouldn 't opeposted by Dan Weaver at 7 : 04 AM | As of today , I will no longer be posting about the Porco case , even though doing so brought this blog up to number 16 on Wordpress 's Blog of the Day list and brought more readers to this blog than publishing the Muslim cartoons did . For those of you who came to this blog and found other posts worth reading besides the ones on the Porcos , I hope you stick around . The rest of you can go find another fire hydrant to raise your leg up on . A couple of righteous dudes have complained about " the desperate housewives " who are following this trial too closely , jumping from blog to blog , to read and comment . To you I ask , how do you know this if you haven 't been doing the same ? I will confess that I have been following the trial too closely . I have found that doing so , and writing about various aspects of the family and trial , have been stressful . I guess I don 't have the stomach for this kind of stuff . Journeying into myspace , photobucket and the like was like swimming in a septic tank . The image of Mrs . Porco 's face on the front of the newspaper is one I wish I had never seen . And the hatred expressed by anonymous posters toward each other on various blogs - - well I 'm just glad they are not in the same room with an ax handy . Frankly , the trial itself has begun to bore me . It has followed the script that was set out in the opening statements , with little deviation . I have become more and more interested in Christopher Porco 's psychological make - up and the whole tragedy of a divided family than I have the trial itself . Here is a summary of most of what I have said in the many posts I have written . 1 . I believe that Chris Porco killed his father and maimed his mother . As someone not on the jury , I can say that . However , if I were on the jury , I would not be so quick to judge . Too many people have been wrongly convicted in this country , and Christopher Porco deserves his day in court with a fair trial and an impartial jury that will deliberate carefully , neither of which he would have gotten in Albany County . 2 . I posted by Dan Weaver at 8 : 02 AM | Carl Strock On Chris Porco 's DNA . As usual , Carl Strock wrote a good column in today 's Daily Gazette . The major part of his column was about Child Protective Services , but he also had a short section at the end where he discussed the DNA on the toll ticket purportedly belonging to Chris Porco . Strock disputes the math of some local reporters who have said that there is 99 . 6 % chance that Porco 's DNA was on the ticket , since 99 . 6 % of the population does not have that type of DNA . Strock argues that the math is wrong , The . 39 percent of the population that have the type of DNA found on the ticket , including Porco , constitutes 1 . 3 million people ( if by population we mean North America ) , making the odds that the ticket was Porco 's 1 in 1 . 3 million . For Breaking News , Read The Obituaries . There is other news happening besides the Porco Case . Yesterday , The Daily Gazette reported the sad story of a Red Sox fan from Schenectady who was stricken at Fenway Park , taken to the hospital where she gave birth , then died . This story actually had appeared the day before , in the lady 's obituary . When I was reading her obituary , I was wondering why no one had actually written a story about the incident because it 's the kind of thing newspapers like to write about , and as sick as it seems , it 's the kind people like to read . posted by Dan Weaver at 7 : 33 AM | A lawyer posted on this blog , suggesting that Christopher Porco 's defense was being funded by his father 's life insurance policy . My question is this - - if Christopher Porco is found guilty , can any of his mother or father 's money be used to pay his defense fees ? If his parent 's money was used to pay his lawyers , wouldn 't that mean that a criminal was financially benefiting from his victims ? Does the current Son of Sam law in New York State cover that ? I don 't know the law , so I would love to hear from some lawyers on this issue . Here are a couple of photos , my daughter and I grabbed while out on a ride yesterday . The first is of any Amish buggy that just turned off of Route 5S and was heading up the Currytown Road . It used to be that you rarely saw the Amish on the south side of the Mohawk , but now that they have moved into the Town of Glen you do see them . I thought this photo came out quite well considering my daughter had to take it from the passenger seat through the driver 's side window , while both the car and buggy were in motion . The second photo is of Canajoharie 's Dummy Light , which has been a local landmark for decades . It 's a real traffic light , not a dummy light . My understanding is that it 's called the Dummy Light because it 's not very intelligent to stand out in the middle of the road . You may remember that the state wanted to remove this light , but the citizens of Canajoharie put up such a fuss that the state backed down . News & Commentary on the Mohawk Valley region of New York State and on the Valley 's relationship to the rest of NY State , the nation and the world . The opinons expressed in a post are those of its author and do not necessarily reflect those of the administrator or other contributors to this blog . All posts are the property of their authors and are protected by all U . S . and International copyright laws . For permission to reprint any post , please contact its author . Copyright 2005 - 2006 .
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Nerd that I am , I subscribe to both the Merriam - Webster Word of the Day and another service simply called A . Word . A . Day . Here is today 's selection from AWAD : lexiphanes ( lex - SIF - uh - neez ) noun One who uses words pretentiously . I like it . I like it so much that I 'm going to incorporate it into my working vocabulary . . . just call me Lexi : ) I had to dig way back , but I found another post I 'd done back in August about aggressive monkeys ( if you click through , you 're honor bound to read the entire post ! I rambled before getting to the monkeys ) . So now I get this one today on what to do if you are attacked by monkeys . . . I honestly didn 't realize it was that big a problem , but then again I don 't live in New Delhi either . Apparently you should give them whatever food you have or , if you don 't have any food , back away slowly with empty palms facing toward the perpetrator . . . NO EYE CONTACT OR SHOWING YOUR TEETH OR YOU ' RE DEAD , much like the deputy mayor of New Delhi , India who fell to his death from a balcony while being attacked by macaques . Oh , did I mention the fatal case of herpes B that could be awaiting you if you are attacked . Primatologists also recommend this in emergencies : Primatologists will sometimes send a macaque warning signal called the open - mouth threat . Basically , form an " O " with your mouth , lean toward them with your body and head , and raise your eyebrows . Now , I 'd love to visit that part of the world . I 've always been fascinated with places like India , Thailand , Cambodia , Taiwan , Vietnam . . . the far East . . . but it is beginning to make the list with Australia and the ocean in general ( swimming in it at any rate ) : Places I Will Probably Never Go Because There 's Too Much Wildlife . In Australia everything is poisonous and you 'll be attacked by monkeys in India . . . go figure . that is all . htw our department got a request from the dept boss , you know her as my friend KT ! Here is the request : I have been asked to speak at - - - - - - - University 's English Major Forum about my life as a SuPrEmE BeInG ( I mean librarian ) . Anyway , what aspects of English Major - ing do you see in your role as a librarian ? Obviously the reading part , but we do a lot of communicating and writing too , wouldn 't you say ? Do you have any thoughts you would want to share with fellow English Majors about librarianship ? Now , I 've been perking this for a few days trying desperately to figure out why I believe my English major has uniquely equipped me for librarianship . . . or did it ? Was there something essential already present that this particular avenue of education merely strengthened ? How would I really know for sure without a Delorean and a flex capacitor ? Anyway , here 's the answer I sent back to KT : - community outreach , like this venue for instance : ) , requires excellent communications skills not only to impart information , but also to make that information interesting , dare I say entertaining . - my English major comes from a heavy duty liberal arts college so the range of literature I wasexposed to has come in handy many times . . . whether the patron is looking for Marie de France or Zora Neale Hurston , I can usually relate with them on any literary level . - I believe that the English major curriculum gives a student the opportunity to become an acute observer of the human condition . So many of the assignments I remember required virtually an engineer 's or a scientist 's skills at breaking down elements into their most commondenominators . Iambic pentameter , the hero archetype , new historicist critical theory . . . . the ability to use literary elements like these as a microscope with which to examine and " learn " people . This education leaves many students ideally suited for a life of ferreting out " just " what it is that people want since it certainly isn 't what often first emerges from their mouth : ) Is this too esoteric ? Too weird to use ? I find it soPosted by I did get up early again today for another 30 min spin on the recumbent bike , the only difference from Fri being my movie selection , Monster House . I just love this little animated flick and you should to , especially with the big day coming up next week . I got all the new photos on my camera loaded to a CD and cleared the camera 's memory card as Katie said I could not continue to hoard 500 photos at all times and continuously have to transfer the whole lot each time I wanted the last few . It hurt my feelings but I got it done quick . . . like ripping off a bandaid . All of this to say that there 'll be photos up soon from my mom 's and my trip to the Anniston Museum of Natural History to see Sue the T . rex . htw Yay for me ! I did get up early this morning and ride for 30 minutes on the recumbent bike ( and watched Poseiden at the same time ) . I got the ref desk Halloween decorations upgetting geared up for the Nightmare on Oak Street Horror Movie Marathon next week ! got paid for my last petsitting giggetting paid tomorrow as I have my next gig as Mrs . D 's personal reader : ) helping my friend P movie offices tomorrow ! catch you on the flip side ! I pass on to you , the Cinematical Seven : Horror Movie Gimmicks that Always Work . . . Hawthorne style ! The Cinematical author ( Richard von Busack ) included illustrative Nathaniel Hawthorne quotes which I will put here also . I 'm trying not to plagiarize anyone here ! Everyone must become an avid reader of Cinematical ( like I am ! ) after reading this post ! You will self - destruct otherwise ! For instant gratification . . . . for in depth discussion , click through : 1 . Compulsion through prophecy ; death or misery foretold " Why were you threatening me this morning ? " Omar says . Death replies , " I wasn 't threatening you . I was just surprised to see you in the marketplace so far from here , when we had an appointment in Samarra today . " 2 . Misbehaving pictures and photographsHawthorne 's " The Prophetic Picture " is a forbear of Wilde 's novel , in which a wedding portrait manifests clues of a murder to come in years afterwards . 3 . Childrenno quote / annocdote mentioned4 . Abandonment " The sunbeam that comes through a round hole in the shutter of a darkened room , where a dead man sits in solitude . " 5 . What 's behind the door ? " In an old house , a mysterious knocking might be heard on the wall , where had formerly been a doorway , now bricked up . " 6 . The knifeI 'm paraphrasing ( General Patton ) , but it was something to the extent that " nothing really puts the fear in a man like the thought that his guts will be explored by cold steel . " This quote is not by Hawthorne , but good nonetheless . 7 . MadnessThe best ending of any terror tale , and that 's because the story doesn 't really end . It loops back , guaranteed to echo in the hero until death . ( von Busack 's words , not Hawthorne 's but again , good stuff ) I believe that to be a spot - on list . Can anyone else think of any more ? oh , it 's on ! My fav director , Guillermo Del Toro , has a big project in the works ( via Cinematical ) . . . . H . P . Lovecraft 's At the Mountians of Madness ! He 's supposed to start work on it after Hellboy 2 consequently bumping another project , 3993 , out of the way in favor of the Lovecraft flick . From Cinematical : For those not up in the world of Lovecraft , Madness is a novella about an Antarctic expedition made by scholars from Miskatonic University . They discover strange , ancient life forms that are unknown to their science . They are further puzzled by how highly evolved the forms are , although they seem to pre - date humanity . Named " Elder Things , " they 're actually aliens and you know , alien stories rarely , if ever , go well . So , after 2 weeks of petsitting for various people , I finally arrive home last night around 8 : 30pm . I take in the mail and my purse , go unload everything ( read : all my crap ) out of the car onto the front porch only to discover that I have locked myself out of the F - ing house . . . . I tried all the windows and the back door , thinking maybe just maybe they might have somehow been left unsecured . . . . uhhhhhh , no . No cell phone reception out in the boondocks as I am , so I just sat on the porch with all my crap and enjoyed the night noises . Cicadas , crickets , a few late - staying little frogs and toads in the ( v . v . dry ) stream next to the house , wind blowing in the drying leaves . . . I wasn 't creeped out and was quite enjoying myself until I heard the first low growl come out of the dark trees . I had just been about to find a dark corner of the yard for nature 's call when I heard this other noise and it was the D * % M dogs from next door . Now I had to pee AND I was pissed off , how ironic . . . . . these dogs harass us ALL the time ! As soon as payday rolls around again I 'm getting a BB gun as I don 't want to maim , merely scared half to death and hurt enough to make an impression on . Did I mention they 've been crapping all over my yard ? If I wanted dog crap all over my yard , I 'd get my own dog . Anyway , I happened to find a spare car key in my laptop case so packed all the crap BACK in the car , left a note for Roomie asking her to call me on my cell when she got home ( which ended up being around 10pm ) and left for Dad 's so I could go to the bathroom in peace . After getting home , unloading the car AGAIN , unpacking and getting ready for bed it was around 11 : 30 - midnight so I 'm zombie - fied today . I had planned on turning in early so I could get up and on the recumbent bike this morning but no such luck . So I 'm planning on it tomorrow instead . I have GOT TO lose some weight before I become a statistic , plus I 've got the PLA trip in March to Minneapolis to plan for . I 'm calling my effort , Minimize by Minneapolis , what do you think ? Gotta run to tePosted by Patron - - If I have a CD from a test book . . . . ? Me - - ( in super ESP mode since she didn 't bother to finish the sentence ) I 'm sorry but our computers don 't have CD drives . ( How our spiffy new library ended up this way is an even longer story that isn 't worth telling . ) Patron - - So I can 't just watch it ? Me - - . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Me - - Our computers don 't have CD drives . Patron - - . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Me - - They have a drive door , but the drives were never installed . Patron - - . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Patron - - okay . No , you can 't just watch it unless you lay back and get it to spinning fast enough on the tip of your nose . You might catch a glimpse of something then . . . . The chain of information started at CNN , but I found it on Bookshelves of Doom . How 'd you like to help your boyfriend out with some research on his book in progress ? Sounds pretty neat , huh ? Would you change your mind if it was titled " Canabalistic Instincts " ? via CNN : An aspiring horror novelist was arrested after police discovered his girlfriend 's torso in his closet , a leg in the refrigerator and bones in a cereal box , the city prosecutor 's spokesman said Thursday . Nearby they found the draft of a novel titled " Cannibalistic Instincts , " said the official , who spoke on customary condition of anonymity . Jose Luis Calva told police he had boiled some of his girlfriend 's flesh but that he hadn 't eaten it , the spokesman said . ( Isn 't that real considerate of him ? ) The prosecutor 's office said Calva tried to escape when officers entered his apartment , but was struck by a car and hasn 't recovered enough to give a formal statement to police . Hey , he 's sitting up . . . can 't be that bad ! I will preface this with 2 statements : 1 ) I 'll get pics up as soon as I can but I left my camera dock at home and I won 't be finished petsitting until Friday and 2 ) I typed this up Sunday evening and saved it on my jumpdrive so if there are odd chronological sequences or anything else weird , chalk it up to that please as I am utterly blameless : - ) There was no Joan / Melissa Rivers to cover the Birmingham Museum of Art Junior Patron Pompeii Preview Gala so I guess it 'll just have to be me ! I visited a local hair salon to let someone else do the honors for my hair and it was horrendous ! I had so much hairspray in my hair that it looked like a dark haystack on my head and that 's so far removed from my normal , healthy , glossy hair that I couldn 't stand it . I ended up pulling a good portion of it back in a sparkly hair clip and letting it go at that . Everyone else 's hair was shiny and sleek , some wavy , some straight but NO ONE with the brittle crap I had on my head ! At least the hair clip was pretty . The Gala started at 7pm so I called for a taxi right at 7 so I would not be quite the first person there . Despite my machinations ( and my cab driver 's utter unfamiliarity with the city in which he works ) I was still one of about only 8 or 10 people . The band , City Heat from Atlanta , GA , was great ! One of the best bands I 've ever heard . They played blues and R & B from the 60 's and 70 's and they played it well : - DMarinated olives ; herbed goat cheese ; roasted pepper hummus ; olive tapenade ; julienne zucchini , squash , and carrots ; little sandwiches with contents that I have no clue about ( tasty though ! ) ; tomatoes and capers on toast points ; yummy , perfect fruit and a variety of little mini - pastries like éclairs and cannolies . There was an open bar with wine and beer ( neither of which I enjoy in particular ) but there was a martini table with Lemoncella martinis . At $ 8 a pop , I was forced to be fairly conservative . I probably would have had an even better time if I 'd hit the free booze table a time or two ( or three or foHolley T of which there is none . . . sorry to get your hopes up ! Yesterday when I got back to Rudder 's house , Topper had left yet another " present " for me at the back door . If anyone else has ever been the recipient of a " present " from a feline , then you know it involved a piece of plastic and a mighty sling into the woods . All I can say is at least this little guy was all in one piece ; I didn 't have to make multiple trips or scoop up entrails . Ah , the life of a pet sitter . I had my first session reading to Mrs . D this morning . She has macular degeneration and the beginnings of demensia ( according to she and her husband ) . I am now up on the week 's news in local politics and New York theater . I feel a bit smarter and more cultured today than I did yesterday . Why am I at my place of work on my day off , posting on my blog you may ask ? I forgot my ticket to the cocktail party tonight , left it on the printer Thursday and just now realized it . My subconscious no doubt trying to find a way out of this mess . But I am going ! I got a dress and little strappy sandals and a haircut , I have no choice but to go . Later on I 've got to find somewhere to get a quick fix on the hair as I do not own any hair products with which to do it myself . When I got the haircut , M said to just put it on some rollers and finger comb it and I confessed that I didn 't own any rollers . She told me to just get a cheap set from W - Mrt and I didn 't have the heart ( read : was too embarrassed ) to tell her that I wouldn 't know what to do with them if I had them . I 've had too much going on in the past decade to deign to learn how to arrange my hair ! It 's hair for crying out loud ! I 'd rather sleep later and let the little buggar 's dry on the way to work . Isn 't that why you have windows in the car anyway ? : - ) unstylish and somewhat proud / sometimes shameful , htw Library celebrity Itchy Butt Man was in today . I heard all about the One Laptop Per Child program in China and some underdeveloped countries thoughout the world . There was one particularly great rant against building libraries and schools because children will be going to kindergarten at Harvard soon . I actually got some spittle on my face from that one but I 'm not sure if that 's because he is fervent about the program or because he 's missing all four teeth up front on top between the canines . It 's a tough call . . . he did tell me to visit " wiksipedia " to learn more about it and I linked it above for your reading convenience . In other news , a young lady in her early to mid 20 's brought in a man suffering from some form of mental retardation and left him with us for a couple of hours . Aside from the occasional and random screaming fit in the bathroom and intermittently stumbling over him lying in the aisles , it was a pretty uneventful visit . She finally came back for him and he seemed quite glad to see her . Is it fair that she no doubt got paid for several more hours of work than she actually did . . . no , I don 't think so . I 'll tell you that I 'll be keeping my eyes peeled for her in the future to try and make sure this doesn 't happen again . This was a grown man physically speaking . . . . what if he 'd gotten scared or angry and started a ruckus ? It was irresponsible of her to the extreme . Many libraries have unattended children policies , but what about unattended adults who very obviously NEED attending ? I 'm going to have to investigate that policy - wise . I don 't know what I would have done if he 'd just started running , yelling , and hitting people . What if he 'd just walked out the front door . If it were a child , some staff member would have stopped them and helped them find their parent / guardian / caregiver but what do you do in the case of some one of age ? We have a kind of radar for noticing little kids headed towards the door , but I don 't notice every move an adult makes up here . I guess it 's navitee on my part to assume thatPosted by candlemaking and longjohns on the linea Bantam roostera rusty car someone had an exact replica of their full size barn floating in a stagnant , moss covered pond . I really expected to see more at Homestead Hollow . It is advertised really well ( falsely ) . I was surprised by how long this little guy sat still for me and my budding interest in nature photography . I mentioned this rainbow a week or so ago and in true Holley fashion am just now getting the pic up in my House . . . . This is a bird house I made in a mosaics class Saturday before last , my first EVER ! I must admit I was / am pretty proud . I gave it to my mom . It looked even better after I grouted it . Wouldn 't that have been a nice photo ? Posted by Here is Tucker and Cole 's cousin Olivia . Isn 't she adorable ? She wears her eyeliner so well too : - D You can see Tucker 's very jealous nose . He did not like the extra attention the new girl was getting . Rudder , yaaay ! I 'll be with this little stinker , um . . . . Schipperke . . . until next Thursday . This is Topper . The bane of Rudder 's existence every bit as much as Rudder is the bane of his . What lovable brothers ! and they look so much alike ! This is my office . Here you can see my sago palm , my purple shamrock , a hen and chick succulent on the corner of my desk and a really nice fake orchid . Just over the orchid leaves you can see the barbed wire of the city jail exercise yard : - DOh yeah , the picture frame holds some drawings that one of my fav teens , A , drew ! Silly girl , she didn 't believe me when I told her I was going to frame them . Notice that the point of this post , the sago palm , is a nice small cute little desk plant . . . . . for now ! ! ! BWAHAAHA ! Here , the spawn of sago is on the rise . Hey , check out my obnoxious diploma frame on the wall ! Anyway , this frond / spear grew overnight ! * psycho shower scene music * Here 's the sago spire from another angle , plus my über - messy desk . On the wall hangs the perfect tool for every task , a round tooit . How often have I not been able to get something done becuase I haven 't gotten a round tooit . . . . . . These little leaves look more like fern fiddleheads than what they are supposed to become . Now the spire has unfurled and is 3 feet tall ! You can see how much bigger than the other fronds the newbie has grown . KT says she always feels like its going to drag her off when she walks past the door . So that 's my office garden for you . Healthy , verdant , possibly evil ? ? ? this blog post comes to you next - day air : ) Once again I sit here with my trusty laptop sans internet connection , trying desperately to refine what I want to say down into something readable . The main problem is that there are no groundbreaking , interesting things to report so I guess it will be yet another ramblin ' Holley original ; - DI took some vacation from work 10 / 4 , 5 , 8 , 9 and 10 . I did work the weekend but it was with Carrie so a good time was had by all . On 10 / 4 I did nothing , capital N capital O capital T - H - I - N - G and , like Peter Gibbons , it was everything I thought it could be . I did have a short petsitting stint until the 8th , which you already know about i . e . Tucker , Cole and their cousin Olivia . 10 / 5 found my little momacita , my Aunt Cathy and I on the road to Springville , Alabama for the Homestead Hollow Fall Harvest Festival . The weather was cool ; the sun hiding behind the clouds and a light breeze spread campfire smoke through the trees . The live music I 'd expected was not in evidence but they were piping something appropriate through the ground 's speakers . There were a few people in pioneer - type garb , but not as many as advertising would lead you to expect . The special part of the day came when we found the little shack with pinto beans , butter beans and greens bubbling in their own cast iron pots out back … . perfectly seasoned , ideal texture and reasonably priced . . . all you can really ask of outdoor event food and definitely more than I expected : - D I bought some earrings ( my personal financial downfall ) and a rolling pin ( I needed one recently and only then discovered that I didn 't have one ) . It was a really great day so I was glad I could talk my mom and aunt into going . As I said , Sat and Sun found me back at the library where Carrie and I had a great weekend considering we were at work … . and I got her started on her new blogging life ! Hopefully she 'll enjoy it like the rest of us do and keep at it . One of the funny things that happened was naturally a phone call . Just before closing oPosted by . . . my friend Carrie ! This blog is so new she hasn 't finished the template so there 's nothing there to look at yet . . . but there will be ! I wish I was working on commission , Blogger should pay me for this : ) htw I finally got some work done on the Book Awards Reading Challenge I signed up for . I posted two review to the website , so there are only 10 award - winning books to go so I can qualify for a prize ! The two I 've read so far ( and click through to the BARC website if you 'd like to read my reviews ) are The Pesthouse by Jim Crace and The Panic Hand : Stories by Jonathan Carroll . Happy Reading ! htw What if the Do - It - Yourself Posable Paper David Hasselhoff . . . . . . . . . . . . . put on a pair of Chuck Norris Action Jeans ? ? ? ? ? ? Do you think this would interrupt the space - time continuum ? Tear the fabric of the universe ? Cause uncontrollable vomiting ? Posted by . . . . . jumping from Rob Zombie , Michael Myers , and the proper way to kill a mass murderer . . . . . Today Oprah interviewed Elizabeth Gilbert , the author of Eat , Pray , Love . . . one of my fav books of all time ! This book really falls more under the umbrella of chick lit even though it 's nonfiction , but , my god , what a book ! I had to go out and buy my very own copy so I could quit getting anxious every time I wanted to skim it at work and it would not be there for me . I recommend it to everyone and I 'm glad Oprah 's helping get the word out . If you 've read the book and are wondering and didn 't see the interview today , Elizabeth and Felipe got married ! I was hoping they would . night ya 'll ! htw Rob Zombie is too ! This is a t - shirt I bought from the website of one of my fav authors , Laurell K . Hamilton ! You 'd have to read the books to understand the penguin reference , there 's no way I could explain the complexity of Sigmund here on my blog . . . . check out Laurell 's website , better yet her books , and you 'll get plenty of penguins in the bargain . Okay , back to work . So I checked out the original Halloween from the library and watched it Wed night . I could never watch it when I was a kid . . . . just too damn scary . . . . . and I really felt it would give me a point of reference for the new Zombie adaptation . So , I was by myself at home , all the lights on in case I got scared aaaaand . . . . we 're off . OMG , the soundtrack alone had me cracking up in five minutes , there were naked boobies everywhere , and I saw better acting in Army of Darkness ! Michael was great , even there , but everyone else just sucked . Whenever he stabbed , only an inch or two of the butcher knife seemed to be making any progress . Not that I 'm just dying to see a good stabbing , but special effects have really come a long way since then let me tell ya ! I watched Halloween in its entirety , alone , then went to bed . No nightmares , no gasping awake at a strange noise . . . . nada ! Yay for being a grownup ! SPOILERS - SPOILERS - SPOILERS - SPOILERS - SPOILERS ! ! ! ! ! ! SPOILERS ? BUELLER ? In this version , Michael is HUGE ! Tyler Mane , the guy who played Sabretooth in the X - Men movies , just looms over everyone . In the original , Michael lumbered just a little and had some trouble getting through those closet doors . . . . no such luck for victims here . He 's punching down doors and windows like an F5 . Okay , so you know Michael stabs anything he can get his knife to , but RZ put in a seriously dysfunctional family to explain his psychopathic behavior . It worked , but the suddeness of the boy 's murdering in the original kinda seemed a little creepier . There was no reason for him to just all of the sudden start whacking away at people . In this version , there 's an alcoholic , abusive step father , the mothPosted by no rapture today I 'm afraid , that 's just a title of one of my fav romance novels but I liked the alliteration . It was a great day today nonetheless ! My diploma FINALLY ARRIVED ! ! ! ! So naturally I HAD to go to the library and put it in the obnoxiously big and expensive diploma frame I purchased ! I 'll try to post some pictures this weekend as it is very special . While winding my way through the tiny kingdom on my way to the library , a rainbow peeked out from behind the clouds and I 'll have those photos ready to post by the weekend too ( hopefully ! ) . I didn 't drive all the way to the library ( it 's an hour commute one way to work every morning ) just to put my diploma up , but I would have : ) A gentleman was referred to me by the director of the library and he needed someone to read to his wife . She has macular degeneration and the beginnings of dementia and he said she retained things better when people read to her rather than just listening to a book on tape or CD . We 're going to give it try and see how we both like each other starting next saturday . I 'll go over and read to her from 9am to noon . It 'll take some time from my weekends , but I 'm being well compensated as well as feeling good about doing something that seems ( at least to me ) to really improve someone 's quality of life . I 've offered to do this for one of my fav patrons , Mrs . G , as she is 94 and suffers from macular degeneration as well , but she started crying and said she needed to get off the phone . I 'll ask her again later . Off topic , but she was 9 years old when Carter found King Tut 's tomb and remembers reading about it in all the papers and she and her friends playing endless tomb / egyptian / mummy games after that . . . . you 'd have to be dead to not think that is one of the most awesome things you 've ever heard ! My ADD moment of the night , here 's a new word I saw on one of the legions of blogs I 've shouldered the loving burden of reading daily : vomitrociousYou 're lying if you say you won 't be using when the very first opportunity presents itself ! htw so while I and crazy contest lady are dukin ' it out on the phone , one of my past students is on her everlasting quest for every book every put out by the Top Secret Recipe people . She was in my comp class several years ago and that 's what she wanted to learn for at the time , so she could keep on the cutting edge of those super sluethy secret recipes ! KT was helping her and I could tell Mrs . Top Secret was trying to stall until I got off the phone . I finally finished with crazy contest lady and quick as a bunny , Mrs . TS was there . We exchanged the requisite hey - howya - doin 's and whatuv - you - been - up - to 's and I got to hear all about her domineering husband who won 't let her watch the station she likes , listen to the musics she wants to , and is thwarting her efforts to clean the house out so their kids won 't have so much to do when they die . Now , as a general rule I have never historically had a problem discussing death with patrons old , young or anywhere in between , but she was seriously creeping me out . Aaaaaand it got worse . We were winding up the conversation and I simply said to have a gr8 day and stay out of trouble . She glanced back at me with be best coquettish look I 've seen on an octogenarian , EVER , and said , " but I 'm so innocent , I 've never been in trouble ! " I politely laughed as the situation seemed to call for it and she took that as her invite to come on back for more conversation . Somehow she told me that her husband had purchased her off the slave block in Jamaica after the war . She sounded like she 'd been in the South all her life , what was I to say ? She looked dead serious . Her point , as she gleefully pointed out , was that she 'd married YOUNG and never been anything but a housewife . At this point , and I could now feel reality slipping through my fingers like the finest sand , she leaned in conspiratorially and said , " I had a man friend , apart from my husband , as just a friend you know . . . . ( as an aside with eyes cast upward ) oh dear , he 's been dead some time now . . . . and when the whole Clinton / Lewinsky thinPosted by I had two especially wacko patron encounters last week and wouldn 't you just know it , I wrote a few words down for each very optimistically hoping I 'd remember what happened . . . . it pays to infrequently be an optimist : ( But I 'm going to try anyway . . . . that these two events happened back to back makes it even harder to keep them straight and true in my mind , I just snicker too hard . As I 've mentioned before , I teach computer classes for learning internet / email basics for senior citizens at the library where I work . Sometimes other people do the booking of the classes , it just depends on whose shift at the desk it is when people call in . Well , for this doozy it was mine . Patron - I 've heard that you have computer classes there , is that true ? Me - Yes ma ' am , we certainly do . Are you interested in learning how to get on the internet and email ? Patron - No , I don 't want to get on the internet , I just want to do my hobby . I do contests . Couldn 't I just peek in when the next one starts and you show me how to do my contests ? Me - Well , the class teaches you the basics you need to get on the internet and surf around as well as using an email account . That would cover your contests , I believe . Patron - I don 't want all of that ! I can 't do it ! Now listen , I only have a middle school education ! I dropped out to get married and now you want me to do all this stuff ? ! I 've never even sat down at a computer before ! I just want to do my contests . Did you know that the M & M 's are giving away MILLIONS of dollars , but you have to use a computer to even see the rules . I remember when you could just fill out a 3x5 card . . . . . Me - I really believe this class would be beneficial for you ! We go over the parts of the computer , the keys on the keyboard and how to use a mouse . It 's a great beginner class . We 'll be meeting each Thurs in Oct from 10 - 11am and the class is $ 30 . Patron - Well I don 't want to do all that ! I do not want to get on the internet , I just want to do my contests ! All that other stuff ? Couldn 't I just get my grandkids to come over and show me thaPosted by I start petsitting Tucker and Cole today , but with the exciting addition of Cousin Olivia the Basset Hound . I love basset hounds so I 'm excited that she is joining our crew for the weekend . She belongs to my usual client 's parents . I 'll have all kinds of interesting stuff later because I 've been making notes , she has internet access in her house , and KT and I are going to see Rob Zombie 's Halloween tonight ! htw this movie looks gr8 ! The accent is a little too Jack Sparrow for me , but I don 't think I 'll have any trouble getting over it ! Plus with Alan Rickman , ( I think ) the chick who played ( and still looks like ) Bellatrix LeStrange , and Sasha Cohen . . . . I 'm going : ) Here 's the Cinematical post , click through to get to the new trailer ! . . . . you may safely put aside those reports that today 's teens are computer literate and totally in an online world . Just now , a young lady approached the desk to tell me that there was something " wrong with her computer . " As we walked over to her workstation , she told me that there was " a big o ' hole , a space , between her words , her paragraphs and she kain 't make it goway . " . . . . . . . The delete key worked for me . Her problem , absolutely nothing wrong with the computer . 20 MINUTES LATER . . . . . . . . . same young lady , new problem . Now mom 's involved . " Excuse me , there 's something wrong with my daughter 's computer ( yeah , I 'm sure ) . It keeps deleting the words she 's typing . " Mind you , she 's speaking so softly that I could not hear a word she said the first time around . I asked her to speak up , but she leaned in VERY closely and remained at the same volume . I caught both what she said and a whiff of her coffee breath . FANNNtastic . As I suspected , the problem lay not with the computer but rather with an errant pinkie on its way to the delete key . . . the pesky Insert key strikes again . I showed her where it was , how to recognize it was on , and how to turn it off . . . you know , those complex toggle buttons will get you every time ! These are simple , basic keyboarding principles as far as I know . Patron : I 'm looking for a book and I don 't know the author . Can you help me find it ? Me : Sure , what is the title ? Patron : I don 't know , but it has four words and one of them is " kindness " Me : . . . . . . . . Me : . . . . . . . . . Me : Do you know anything about what the book is about ? Patron : NoMe : Is it a recently published book ? Patron : It 's new - er . . . . After a lengthy keyword search limited to books published since 2000 , we managed to whittle it down to Christopher Bohjalian ( how the hell do you pronounce that ! ? ) , Before You Know Kindness . We 're reasonably sure that 's the one . ABOUT 15 MINUTES LATER . . . Patron : Do you have any Advil or Ibuprofen ? Me : I think so , let me go check . Me ( with Advil bottle ) : Here you go ! Patron : Yeah , I got a papercut on the way over here and didn 't have anything in my purse and I told my daughter , " They get alot of papercuts at the library , I bet they 'll have something ! " Me : Yep , headaches and papercuts . . . we got em ! ( my sarcasm went , thankfully for my smart mouth , unnoticed . . . ) I say , with the utmost seriousness and sincerity , that I have never gotten a papercut that required medication on my part . I wish now that I 'd have asked to see this gaping wound . Afternoon ya 'll ! htw
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hey everyone . its 12 : 30am right now . i got some cool stuff for christmas . i got some new audio equipment and some cool DVDs like Casino and Goodfellas and Taxi Driver . And another cool story as my gift to everyone here . Tonight i had a big dinner of turkey and ham and stuff with my family then i went over to amy 's where she was having a small get together with her parents and michelle . whilst there i ate some more turkey which was more of a mistake b / c i really didnt think of how this could possibly affect me later . not more than about an hour later ( 10pm ) amy 's parents went off to bed and we just sat around and watched Raging Bull . About an hour into it i began to feel a crampy feeling in my stomach but didnt do anything about it because i dont like to poo at other people 's houses . . . . its just not cool for me . So anyway we 're sitting there and michelle stands up and farts really damn loud . . ( brrrrrrrAAAAAP - - DAMN ! ) and says " well . . . i gotta go . " Then amy gets up and whispers so ! mething to michelle while they look at me and giggle . i slowly begin to wonder what they have planned . I see michelle grab a newspaper and head to the bathroom while amy follows her . i hear the door shut and about a minute later i hear them call me from the bathroom . i walk over not expecting what was about to happen . i open the door and amy pulls me in by my arm and shuts the door and locks it . The newspaper is laid on the floor and michelle squats over it and cuts a soggy fart and without much effort like usual i see a 2 " thick log poke out and slowly snake its way out crackling so loudly it must have coiled over itself like 5 times . . . at least 30 - 35 inches long , smooth , light brown and smelly . she then pinched out a smaller turd like 1 inch thick and 4 inches long . she then farted once more and got on the toilet to pee and then got up and leaned against the sink and i looked away . . . ( cmon my girlfriend was in the room , i didnt know what to do ) and michelle says " im waiting " ! and hands me a wad of TP and i look at Amy and she nods approvingly . so as gently as i can i press the paper between michelle 's tight butt cheeks and feel some sticky crap and wipe it as best i can . i throw the TP in the toilet and come up with another wad in my hand and she spreads her butt giving me a complete view of her anus in which i noticed she had some hair growing around it . i saw some poo left and wiped it away and tossed it into the toilet . i figured i was done with her till she took my hand and placed another wad of TP in it and guided my hand under her vagina and my eyes damn near bugged out but i didnt pull away . i just went with it . i softly wiped her down there and got rid of the paper . . . whats worse is that i got aroused and like a half erection occured . . . luckily i had a long shirt that covered my crotch area . . . . i felt SOOOOOOOOO ashamed , i mean what kind of freakin pig like me could get turned on in the same room as his girlfriend by another girl ? ? i didnt c ! hange my face though . . . i didnt want to ruin the mood of the room i guess . but this thing wasnt finished yet , oh no . now Amy decides to go . she takes down her pajama bottoms with no panties underneath and squats over michelles rediculous turd . she farts but not loudly and she starts with a 20 second long wave of soft poop that covered michelles turd almost . . . a mountain of poo . i could hear the soft sounds of crackling and splattering as she pooped . when she was finished i just grabbed a TP wad and got ready for her to ask me to wipe her . she peed in the toilet as well and leaned against the sink like michelle did ( good sized bathroom ) and spread her butt and i dug in there with the 1st 2 wipes b / c there was a lot of crap there . then as i got through with her i just grabbed another wad and assumed on wiping her vagina ( luckily she wanted me to anyway b / c i dont like doing things that make others uncomfortable ) so after we flushed the piss and TP we just looked at the pile . . . . f ! or why i get into these things is still beyond me . ill never forget this night we got rid of the crap and finished watching Raging Bull and i said goodnight and left . i just got home a little while ago . my heart is still kinda pounding from it . ADVICE welcome especially . I find that some of the most fascinating old posts I read have to do with girls wetting themselves out of convenience . It 's quite harmless and has an interesting sort of practicality to it . Here are a couple I 've read recently : A warm welcome to Amanda ! I wholeheartedly encourage your interest in peeing in places other than the toilet . It sounds like you 're having fun with that . Please , post some of your pee stories ! I 'm a 15 - year - old kid & like hearing from younger kids around here . hey yall ! im new to this site . i 'm 14 yrs old and quite frankly im just interested in this stuff . some of yall had some interesting stories . anyway i just wanted to tell you about something that was really embaressing but quite funny at the same time . i have a close relationhip with my parents and i dont really get embaressed about things like this with them . i can easily talk to them about stuff like this . even my dad , and my friends think im crazy when i tell them that . when i dont have a BM atleast every 4 days i get really sick and bloated and sometimes have to stay home sick in bed . one time last year i was constipated for 2 weeks and i was so sick i got to the point where i couldnt eat because i would puke and i just had to stay in bed . my mom called the hospital and they said to bring me there . when we got there the nurse lead me and my parents into a room and she told me to take off my pants and underwear . she told me to lay down on my stomach and i did . i wasnt emabre ! ssed about my parents being in the room but i was just embaressed about the nurse although shes probly dont this millions of times . my parents held my hand and the nurse came in with a thermometer and a jar of vaseline . she spread the vaseline on the end of the thermometer and inserted it in my anus . it was quite painful because id never had anything inserted there before . my temp was normal then the nurse told me id be recieving an enema . then she came back with a combination kit . she used a squeeze bulb syringe . my parents left the room and the nurse told me to remove my shirt . she put lubricant stuff on my anus and then told me to lay on my left side . i was told to raise my right leg and bend my knee and hold it up . she filled the syringe and slowly inserted the tip into my anus and squuezed in the water and would refill intul i was filled . then i fel cramps and she sorda massaged on my stomach and led me to the bathroom . i sat down on the toilet and i did what felt like ! expelling my guts . there was no lock on the bathroom door and the nurse just barged right in wth my clothes . it was emabressing because i had massive messy explosive diarreah with a horible smell . she brought my parents into the room and explained the process to them . the bathroom was in that same room but i ahd that door closed . so anyway im on the toilet and i just kept ging and going and i tried to stand up for a second and it shot outwards all over the back of the toilet seat and the floor so i was like O SHIT and i sat back down . i was farting prertty loudly too and i guess my parents could hear what was going on and my mom knocked on the door and came in and i cud tell by her face she saw the mess and was pretty shocked but ignored it and she sat by me and hel my hand . i dont know how she dealt with the smell . my dad asked if he could come on and i said ok so he came in and both of my parents were talking to me and reassuring me . i was so emabressed but i guess i th o ! ught the whole situation was pretty funny . after almst 35 minutes of sitting on the toilet , the floor had shit on it and the toilet seat was totally covered . my mom told the nurse and she said not to worry and she brough me towels to clean my self up with . that was a pretty relieving experience i must say . talk to yall later Haven 't heard from you for a while Oggy . Are you still posting . Nothing constructive in my dumping recently . A couple of big xmas piles left in the loo but a bit too soft for a nice tail yet ! Have a green miniskirt on at the moment and black tights ( which have a slight ladder in them Oggy ! ! ) . Just let a smelly fart out . One of those quiet ones that sort of sound like a ' hsssss ' and it pongs ! Pheeww ! ! ! Ever notice that quiet farts smell like eggs ? When I lift my skirt up it smells even worse ! In Japanese , the " proper " word for shit is " daiben , " or " big excrement , " while piss is " shouben , " or " little excrement . " These words both come from Chinese loanwords , which Japanese uses the same way that that English uses Latin and Greek words . The native abrupt words are " kuso " for shit and " yubari " for piss . Hey ya 'll ! I 've read stories here for a while so i thought i 'd submit one . Where I live they have built a nature hiking trail out by the woods near my home . One day my girfriend and I decided we 'd go for a walk there . Why we were walking she informed me she had to shit . The next outhouse was a mile down the trail . She said she wasn 't sure if she could hold for that long . So we ventured off into the woods off from the trail . I found a nice big round tree so noone would see her . She pulled down her shorts and panties to her ankles exposing her nice hairy pussy to anyone looking at her . She leaned against the tree in a sitting stance . I walked behind her and she grunted a little . Finally she pushed out 2 little soft looking ploppers . She grunted a little more and a big nice round looking turd expanede her anal hole and came out . It looked to be around 7 1 / 2 inches long . It was followed by some lighter ice - cream looking peices . She grunted a little more and pushe ! d out another 7 inch log it was followed by a 4 inch one which was followed by another one about 7 inches . She finished . And I said I had to piss . She said oh good you can clean my ass then . She pulled her shorts and panties of around her shoes and lay them over a little ways . She bent over and pulled her shirt tail out of the way and said ok . I unzipped and pulled out my dick . I pissed a nice warm yellow stream on her cute little ass removing all the shit she then stood up and i turned around and continued my pissing on top of her nice pile . She then put her clothes back on i dribbled out the last bit zipped up and we continued our walk . Hi folks ! This is my first contribution to this site . I am a women in her thirties who has a rather relaxed attitude to the body functions and body sounds and don 't mind sharing a little story with you guys . A little story that came to my mind today while having a nice little tooting concert followed by a great bowel movement . What a great relief I really had today , and I surely took my time . The little story is about what happened a couple of years ago while hiking with two other girls , which are very good schoolfriends of mine . It was a lovely day for hiking , and we hiked in a rather mounty area . We would spend many hours out for the day and had packed our little backpacks with some good food and water and juices to drink . After a couple of hours walking , one of my friends started to break some foul wind , and she ripped off so many in a row . ' Oh my goodness , I think I will need to go soon , she said . I have not been on the can for some days , and I am sorry to say that this is going to be a nasty and big dump that I will have to take . ' And she was right . As we were out in the nature , I digged a little hole for her to squat over and also one for myself , as I felt an urge myself . We squatted , and what a dump , what a volume that came out of her after some time . I farted and pushed out a couple of turds , and thought that was it . She strained for some minutes fir ! st , as her first stools were pretty hard , but they softened after a couple of hard turds . She grunted again and out came a great lot . She took a little break , or should I say windbreak , as she passed a lot of gas and made quite a concert . I joined her , as I am truly a great farter . We understood that there was more to come , and truly it was more that was pushed out by us both . It was a good relief for us both , and we wiped and went on . We had a great day out for sure . The other friend of mine , she passed so much gas , many many squeeky ones did she rip , but she did not take a dump that day . It is 4 : 45 on the day after Christmas . Jason , his younger brother Jeremy , who will be 13 in January , and me went to Wendy 's for lunch . Jeremy and I had the chili , which is " high in fiber , low in fat " ( according to the description on the cup ) while Jason , who doesn 't care for chili , had a burger combo . The three of us were walking home when my stomach began to rumble . I had a feeling the fiber was working its way through my intestines . Jeremy soon said , " I 'm gonna run ahead of you . I have to go to the bathroom . " I didn 't ask and he didn 't say anything , but I had a feeling that the chili worked its magic on Jeremy . Jason and me got to his house a few minutes later . The bathroom door was slightly ajar and Jeremy was sitting on the toilet . Jason began to invite himself in on Jeremy when I said " I better wait here . " Jeremy responded " you can come in Aaron . I don 't mind . " We went in and the bathroom stank . Jason said to his brother " dude , that chili has done a job on you ! " Jeremy replied that the chili , plus everything he ate yesterday , is coming out big time . Jeremy got up to wipe and I glanced over and his poop was reddish , much like the chili he just ate . He wiped several times and then flushed . I 'll admit I was a little excited to see Jeremy naked and on the toilet , though he doesn 't have any more or less in his pubic zone than Jason , I , or any other boy does . Jeremy went over to wash up when I sat down to go . Jeremy said he 'd leave as soon as he finished washing and I told him he could stay in here , " we all have the same equipment . " Jason , who used that line on me when he first took a shit in front of me at the pizza parlor , got a good laugh out of that . Jason then said he had to go . He sat down and peed for a few seconds and then plopped several turds . I heard his turds plopping into the toilet bowl . Since Jason didn 't have the chili , his turds were more " normal , " a few inches long and about an inch wide . He had to wipe several times . In German the verb � to shit � is � scheissen � and the single word for shit / poop / crap is � Scheisse � . It � s quite an acceptable term in adult conversation and really isn � t very rude at all . A small child might use � Ka - ka � instead - that would be the German equivalent of the English � poo - poo � . In case you are interested in terms for peeing too , you have basically a choice of 3 . The verb � pissen � is obvious to an English speaker - the noun is also � Piss � and both words are pretty rude in German . Pinkeln is the everyday term � Ich geh � mal pinkeln � = � I have to go pee � . Baby talk is � Pipi � and the verb is � Pipi machen � = � to MAKE a pee � but only a very little kid would say � Ich muss Pipi machen � rather than � Ich muss pinkeln � . Hi I 'm sure Jasta told you about our son Tyler LOL ! Anyway about 2 weeks ago Jasta told me about a post she read here and I decided to try it ( the post about a man tying a bag around his penis and peeing when he felt ready to ) so I put a bad around my penis and left my underwear off so we left Christmas shopping while we were walking I had to go so I pushed a lil and out came a stream of urine it felt nice and warm but it made quite a large bulge visible from outside my pants . Thanks please tell me who sent this ! Diane - New York Happy Holidays to you all . Diane here . How are all of you doing ? Well I hope all of you are fine and let me tell you of a story that happened while I was in Germany . Well I took of and everything was fine on the flight . FYI : It was a Boeing 747 - 400 . Well I was here on pleasure not business . ( Hard to believe a business person like me needs to take a pleasure trip , cant help it . ) Well I was going to stay with my friend , Kimberly . So I get a taxi to her house . Oh Boy ! Food Galore ! , Heartburn for Sure ! Lots of food . Well I had a feast . And you guys know me , I can over indulge but this time I had a whole shit load of Steak , potatoes , macaroni , and biscuits . A whole lot of food boy . Well after I ate , I went to a Rental Car place to rent a car . Now after I took possession of a SL600 ( temporary of course ) . I drive back to Kimberly � s place , and I walk back in the door . I feel extreme discomfort so I excused my self and went to the bathroom . Oh great no door . I asked her where is the door she told me : � Well you see I got stuck so I decided to get rid of it . � Great I thought , this was the only restroom in the house . So I wa ! lk in and I lift up my skirt . ( She has an inspection shelf . Good God . This cant be good . ) And place my ass on the toilet . I push but nothing would budge . I pushed and pushed but nothing would come out . Nothing would come out . After wasting about 45 minutes time . I decided to go take a drive on the Autobahn Yahooooooooo ! Well , I though excessive speeds might be able to loosen up my bowels but , When I returned to her house , I went and sat on the toilet . I pushed and pushed . But I felt uncomfortable using her toilet and stinking her place up since there was no door . I decide to take my dump outside . She had a large yard with lots of trees and bushes . I walked into a bush and squatted . I pushed and breathed extremely deeply . Nothing was coming out . But I felt something , something big , extremely big . I pushed and this painful turd started to emerge . The tip was wide and I was in extreme pain . It was sooooo sloooooow . I looked around and I took a leaf and p ! ulled it out . This was solid like a brick . I had to stand because it was extremely long . I keep pulling and it lands on the ground with a stud . I take out my keys and take my tape measurer and It measured a full 42 inches 5 inches in diameter . Then I got another sharp pain and pushed out a very easy 32inch 3 . 7 inch in diameter . Then I had Another 31incher but this was 2in . in diameter . Then I top it off with a long piss . I wasn � t feeling well so I went to my room and went to bed . Then was probably the most difficult dump I took ever . God I hate hard dumps . Well luckily I didn � t have to use the inspection shelf toilet . ALRIGHT ! Well talk to you later and Happy Holidays ! Some Guy This happened to me in 1994 . I was riding my bicycle on a rural bike trail near Calgary , Alberta , Canada . It was a Sunday evening and the weather was cold , windy , and lots of rain mixed with wet snow was falling . Anyway , I felt the urge to poop . I realized I did not have toilet paper . Also I was dressed to the max . The nearest gas station in Chestermere was approximately 3 miles away and would involve having to go back and ride against the wind . So , I had no toilet paper , was dressed to the max because of the weather , had no facilities and had only these options I figured . First I could risk asking a nearby farmer to use his facilities . or I could hold it till I got home or I thought also then of doing it in my pants . At about 7 : 30 PM that night , I pulled my bike of the trail by a boating portage and just simply relaxed for about 10 minutes and seriously contemplated doing it in my pants . I then rode of relzxing for about 10 minutes . at 7 : 45 PM that night , I stood ! up on my bicycle while pedaling , pushed against my buttocks and completely pooped my pants . I then sat down in it for the rest of my bike ride . 2 hours later I arrived at my home in Calgary . What a mess I had to clean up . From now on , I always take toilet paper along when I drive , jog , bicycle ride , or walk long distance . I learned my lesson This is my first time posting on this site . I have however been reading about the various body functions here for a while and have gained some curiosity to what exactly my sister Meredith is interested . Anyway I 'm kinda interested myself now . We just had a major Christmas dinner with many of our family friends and cousins over . I 'm still waiting for the big shit to evacuat my body soon . Anyway , the day Meredith made a huge stinker in the washroom , I apparently made a large one too . But I did however have to wait since Mere 's logs clogged up the toilet and poor dad had to unplug our toilet . He was sweating too . I couldn 't hold it so i ran downstairs to the washroom right next to the front door . I grabbed a times magazine which apparently was lying on the coffee table since I knew it was going to be big . Locking the bathroom door , I unzipped my jeans that I was wearing and pulled down my black thong and place my firm butt on the cold toilet seat . I felt a shiver go up my spine before I opened the magazine and let out a few smelly whispers . After I guess about 5 minutes of reading , I slowly pushed out my first turd which felt soft and gooey . It slid out fast and plopped in the bowl . I felt my bowels moving . As I flipped the pages , another turd fell into the bowl this one was thinner and i felt that i had to grunt slightly . There was a slight pee break as i ! was reading up on some black hole information that really did not interest me . as I felt some more pressure building up in my anus , I pushed gently and farted loudly three times back to back which went pppfpfpffffbbbbttttbbtthhhhbbbddd . It echoed so loud in the toilet bowl I felt my face go red . This fart really caused the little bathroom to reek too . Anyway I just continued to push cause I wasn 't done yet and out came a fat turd which stretched my a hole . I felt it touch the water before tapering therefore leaving me feelling empty inside . Yanking at the toilet paper I started to wipe . It took like five full wipes before i saw no skid marks on the tp . As I pulled up my jeans , I looked down at my product and saw two long sausages coiled on top of each other and one fat banana type shit lying over everything . I flushed and ran upstairs to annoy my sister . Jon and Zip : Jon , it 's too bad that you felt so embarrassed about taking a shit in a doorless stall at the mall . I 'm more like Zip and kinda enjoy a good public dump . Our big mall here has a restroom with urinals and sinks near the entrance and two doorless stalls further in . I was out doing my Xmas shopping last Saturday and had to take a shit real bad . When I got to the restroom it was real busy with the Xmas crowd . The two stalls were occupied by youngish dudes taking a crap . I just stood there in the narrow hallway in front of the stalls and waited . I could see the dudes straining and heard them farting and grunting . I also heard their turds plopping loudly and watched them wipe . They were both leaning forward and looking down while on the crapper so I guess they could not see me staring . The one dude stood up to wipe and I could see real large logs floating in the bowl . The other dude wiped sitting by reaching behind . When the one dude was done , I sat in the ! first stall to take my shit . Several guys came up to the stalls to see if they were occupied . Some went away when they saw both stalls were occupied , but others just waited in line outside the stalls . I kinda took my time and one smartass teen said to his buddy : " This dude has been there forever . " I eventually wiped my butt with them still there and then left . Jon , you gotta learn to relax while taking a shit in a doorless stall . Most guys won 't hassle you , but teens can be a nuisance . Sara . I 'm sure there are plenty of non - English speaking equivalent names for a bowel movement and we all have our likes and dislikes . I don 't like ' shit ' for example and I prefer ' poo ' to ' poop . ' Crap and ' dump ' aren 't too bad but i prefer to not use the former unless replying to a specific post which mentions it - as in my reply to Kathy & RJogger the other day . 1 . On a crowded beach in a sea fog ! There were certainly other people quite nearby because I could hear their voices through the fog but no one could see me whip � it � out and water the sand . 3 . In my shorts at the beach . I was standing in the water but not quite deep enough so the pee shot straight through my shorts in an arc down into the water . That was quite embarrassing because I � m sure other people noticed . 4 . Off a roof when I was in college . There were a lot of us up there - must have been like rain if there was anyone below , he - he ! ( It was the middle of the night and there were no complaints so I guess we didn � t pee on anyone ! ) 5 . Again with a group of other guys . We were at an outdoor event at night in a country area and there were no bathroom facilities provided so we were standing at the edge of a field aiming over a fence . It was so dark that we couldn � t see anything until l suddenly everything went light . We all looked down to see it was a car turning its lights on , illuminating a dozen streams of pee gushing down onto the roof of another car parked in front . . . a police car . . . . . with 2 cops inside ! ! We could have been is serious trouble but luckily the cops were OK about it . One of them even joked that it was a good thing they didn � t have the window open ! You were asking what it feels like for guys who are circumcised to wipe after a wee . Well I � m cut and I have to say I don � t usually need to wipe after I � ve peed . . . . . . do ANY other cut guys bother ? Actually I don � t think wiping the head with paper would be a problem anyway because I don � t think we � re as � tender � down there as uncut guys . When I was in college my roomie was uncut and I know he ALWAYS had to take paper and wipe his foreskin dry after he � d peed . He still used to dribble into his underwear though - they were always stained yellow and the smell was pretty gross - guess the foreskin acted like a sponge and it then oozed out after he thought he � d finished and put his dick away . This isn � t a problem those of us who � ve been circumcised have and I for one rarely have any pee stains . In the end I suggested to my roomie that he pull his foreskin back before he peed and that certainly improved the pee smell in our room . . . . and his aim ! ! Next page : Old Posts page 788 >< Previous page : 790 Back to the Toilet ToiletStool . com , " Boldly bringing . com to your bodily functions . " Go to Page . . . Forum Survey
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Walking from Reston , Virginia down to Louisiana was fun - a lot of fun . I would like to walk US route 51 from New Orleans to Chicago . I would like to walk US route 50 from the coast of Maryland to California ( 3 , 000 miles ) . The 3 , 000 - mile walk would take about six months and cost some $ 20 , 000 . I suppose I could do that . But , I 've done a long walk , so maybe I should try to do something else instead . Sometimes you are right at something , but you cannot see it . Then you tell people that the thing isn 't there . Then you learn later that you were standing on it . Then , well I don 't know what happens then . Wikipedia 's page on the Natural Bridge has several excellent photos taken from below . One of the " photos " is from a painting in the 1800s . The text of the article states that Route 11 runs on top of the bridge . I walked on Route 11 right there . I didn 't see anything except a big wooden fence that blocks the view of everything . I edited the Wikipedia page so that it no longer claimed that Route 11 passes on the bridge . Someone changed it back the next day . They were right ; I was wrong . Well , I went back to look at aerial photos of the place . This site gives the best aerial photo I could find ( Virginia Home Town Locator ) . Wait a minute ! The creek that shows up in all the photos of the bridge does seem to go right under Route 11 . Then I zoomed in on this photo from Natural Bridge taken in 2005 . It was taken at a time of year when most of the leaves are gone from the trees . ( Click on the photo on this page , then click again to continue to zoom in . ) At the top of the photo , on the right end of the bridge are road signs . To the left end of the bridge is a big wooden fence . Those things aren 't visible in the other photos that were taken when the trees were covered with leaves . But there it is . The big wooden fence that I saw on Route 11 while walking . I was standing on Natural Bridge the whole time . I couldn 't see it because I was looking for it to be off in the distance . As the saying goes , While looking at different things I used while taking a walk , I found a little file on the desktop of my computer called " Checklist . txt . " I created this early in the walk and used it often to help myself remember to do things each evening . I was , after all , a bit tired each evening and likely to forget something for a day or three . Items on my evening checklist ( there are 17 things on this list . Wow , that was a lot of little things to do every evening . ) : Put photos up to Wikipedia - This was some work , but I enjoyed enriching the Wikipedia pages for the towns I traversed . I was usually surprised what little , little towns had Wikipedia pages . I was also surprised what larger towns had photo - less pages . Reading - I tried to read some each evening . This was hard at times due simply to fatigue . Reading at least ten minutes helped me to sleep , and I did need a good night 's sleep . Pulaski , Virginia - It is a nice small city with a population of about 10 , 000 people . I remember walking in from the north ( as the road goes ) . There was the Volkswagen van parking lot . I never figured out what that was . I also remember a large furniture factory that had been closed . That was depressing . My wife Karen and I walked around in a few circles downtown . Pulaski has a pretty good downtown where almost all the storefronts are occupied . A few too many for my taste were campaign offices ( the election of 2008 ) and government - run aid programs . I guess when you have closed factories you also have government - run aid programs . Karen and I split up , she took the car south three miles to a parking spot , and I started walking . First , I stopped in a little used book store . I bought a Coke and looked around for just a few minutes . There wasn 't much to my liking , so I started walking . There was a nice minor league baseball park on the edge of town . And then I started walking up the hill . Soon the climb was pretty steep . And then the road started the classic switchback pattern . This way , sharp curve , that way , sharp curve . I was a bit worried about some of those sharp curves . On half of them I was walking on the inside of the curve . There wasn 't much room between the edge of the curve and side of the mountain . If a car came around and edged a bit too far towards me . Well , I could slide up the side of the mountain , and … Fortunately , that never happened . After 20 minutes I stopped worrying about the curves and started wondering about when I would reach the top of the hill . I had walked up hill on prior days for half an hour , but only half an hour . Plus , the hills I had walked before weren 't this steep and didn 't have the switchbacks . I was tired of this . After another ten minutes I met Karen . I asked her how much farther it was to the top of the hill . Karen isn 't good at judging distance and time . She didn 't have an answer . We kept walking . We kept walking . We kept climbing . An hour from the minor league baseball park we reached the top of the hill . There was a large parking area at the top of the hill . It had a great view of the Draper Valley to the south . I don 't recall being able to see back into Pulaski . The hill and the trees blocked the view . There was a tall , old chimney up there on the top of the hill . I never learned why it was there . My guess is that there was a small building up there built during the Depression ( the great one back in the 1930s ) that had a fireplace for heat . The best I can determine , the top of the hill was at 2 , 800 feet elevation . Pulaski was at 2 , 000 feet elevation . I had climbed 800 feet in an hour . That is an 80 - story building , right ? How many flights of stairs is that ? Are you kidding ? Then came the big disappointment . I figured that I could now run down the hill . Hills are , after all , the same height on one side as on the other ? Sorry , but no they are not . The downhill side seemed only has as tall as the uphill side . Look at a terrain map on Google and see for yourself . Rats . Taking a walk was a lot of fun . It wasn 't much fun switching back and forth for an hour walking up that hill . Since then , however , it has been a lot of fun recalling that afternoon . While I was taking a walk , I was what I 'll call " semi - employed . " During 2008 , I was employed by the government . During 2009 , I was employed by a corporation . Well , sort of employed . The situation was very different in the two years , but equally complex . I won 't go into the details ( boring ) , but suffice to say that I had to keep up with what was happening in the world and with my jobs . My semi - employment kept me busy on a computer in the morning and the evening of each day . I blogged about walking every day . I studied technology and blogged about that every day ( see here and here for a specific example ) . I kept records on miles walked , miles driven , and all expenses . I kept photographs and ordered them by day and type of photo . My semi - employment kept me busy . Many evenings were tough to do as I was tired from the day . One morning while researching technical trends , I read a post about the search in vain for the paperless office . I have never worked in a paperless office , and the blog writer had not either . At that moment I realized that while taking a walk I was working in a paperless office . I did not have a printer with me . I did not have a ream of paper with me - not even a sheet of printer paper . All my notes were on my computer and on the blogs " out there in the clouds " as the marketing people would proclaim . Wow . Maybe I was on the cutting edge of something . I doubt that , but I was doing something that I had never done . I love to work on paper while writing . A sheet of paper helps me to " see " the big picture of what I am doing . For me , " seeing " everything like that has always been important . Yet , here I was writing , organizing , managing , working , and planning without a single sheet of paper . I had adapted and was functioning sufficiently . I had not thought about his before the walk began . That is an embarrassed admission as I try to think of everything before embarking on such an endeavor . This - the paper - was one thing I had not considered . My wife Karen accompanied me for the first half of the walk - Reston , Virginia to Chattanooga , Tennessee . She drove our car and walked much of the way as well . The basic scheme was : There were several problems to this scheme . One was when Route 11 became a four - lane road and there were woods between the divided lanes . We couldn 't see across the woods to the other side . I would jump into the woods now and then to see if she was approaching . We never missed one another . Another problem was Karen finding a place to park the car . Churches are a great place to park . Most rural churches are unused during weekdays . Those churches who had staff at the buildings always have friendly staff who don 't mind you parking . They like to come out of the office and chat . Another good parking place was a gas station . Gas stations have bathrooms . A technique we used was to never fill the car 's tank with gas . We kept it around a quarter tank . That way , when Karen parked at a gas station , she could first buy gas , then use the restroom and ask about parking . No one turned us away . Karen and I had a lot of fun walking like this . We had celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary a couple of months before starting the walk . We get along well and enjoy each the company of one another . I prepared myself for flat tires on a bicycle . I watched a few YouTube videos on how to repair a flat tire on a bike while out on the road . I bought the right tools for the job . I carried those tools in my backpack which was always on my back . I was prepared , well … ( 1 ) South of Chattanooga , Tennessee - This was the first morning that I was walking alone with my bicycle . It was warm , cloudy , extremely humid , and the road was probably the worst section for walking that I encountered the entire walk . I felt like I was going down into a basement . The trees where close to the road and hanging over it . It was dark . I was soaked with perspiration after 15 minutes . I walked four miles to the spot that I had planned to stop , hop on the bicycle , and ride back to my van . As soon as I sat on the bike , I noticed that the front tire was flat . And then it started raining . I carried the bicycle a half mile in the rain to a church that had a covered porch . I went to work on the flat . The problem was that the spare inner tube I had also had a hole in it . I don 't know how a new inner tube has a hole in it , but … I locked the bicycle to a nearby telephone pole and walked the four miles back to my van . Back up that awful road . I drove to the bike , loaded it , and thought a while . I was too tired and wet ( perspiration ) to wrestle with the bike . I searched for a bicycle shop on my iPhone . I found several back up in the city of Chattanooga . Sigh , I drove into the city and stopped at River City Bicycles . They took care of me . I mean they really took care of me . It was a great relief . The weight of the world fell from my shoulders . Calmed , reassured , rested - I drove back down to the spot I left . I ate lunch at a bar - b - que place at the Interstate exit and continued . ( 2 ) Springville , Alabama - I had just finished eating lunch in a diner in this town . I had walked a mile from my van when I noticed a flat on my rear tire . It was hot . It was in the middle of the afternoon . I was again soaked with perspiration , and I was tired . I carried the bike back to the van , loaded it , and drove into Trussvile to Cahaba Cycles . They also took great care of me . I was hot , soaked with perspiration , and tired . Once again , the weight of the world fell from my shoulders . Notes about the flats : In both instances , the kind folks at the bike shops examined my wheels and the tires that had holes in them . They couldn 't find anything that would have caused the flats . No nails , thorns , cuts , spurs , nothing . I guess that sometimes you just have a flat , but then I am not a mechanic . I know that I had two flats and they were both in about the best location that they could have occurred . Loud windy days on the four - lane road - This was mostly in Tennessee , but there was one afternoon in Alabama as well . People drive faster on a four - lane divided highway than they do on a two - lane road . Much of the wind experienced while walking comes from the passing vehicles . Faster vehicles generate more wind than slower ones . Faster vehicles are also louder as they create a sort of loud hissing noise that drains the energy from me . Wind blows off your Tilley hat , so I had to use the strings to hold the hat on my head . That works , but is uncomfortable and offends my sense of style ( such that it is ) . Horns Honking in Alabama - I still slouch in pain when I think of this . People in Alabama honked their horns more than all the other states combined . I never understood if they were angry or saying a friendly hello . Many of these folks mastered the art of tapping on the horn at the instant that would grab me the most . I never jumped , but I felt like it often . Walking the bike into traffic - For part of the walk , I used a bicycle to go back and forth to my van ( see the details here ) . This worked well , but it was not much fun when I had to walk the bicycle into heavy traffic . Two occasions come to mind . ( 1 ) It was 7 AM and I was walking out of the town of Springville , Alabama . It seemed that everyone in the world was driving into Springville to either go to school or access the Interstate . The grass was soaked with dew , it was cold , and the paved shoulder of the road must have been all of a half inch wide . ( 2 ) It was a hot afternoon in Trussville , Alabama and everyone in Alabama was coming from and going to a nearby shopping center . The cars created more heat . The sun glinted off all the windshields . There was no shoulder , and I was really tired . Something bit me - This was in Harrisonburg , Virginia . I didn 't realize that something had bit me until I looked at my shin in the evening . All afternoon , every step sent a shock from my foot to my hip . I rested for a couple of days while visiting the dentist . I never thought going to the dentist for major work would be a relief from anything , but it was . A Toothache - Just 48 hours before starting the walk , a tooth fell out of my mouth . I had to have the remains of the tooth pulled . I have a good dentist , and he did a great job of it it all . Still , I had pain in my jaw and headaches for several days . The funny thing was that after it all settled , I read the piece of paper that the dentist had given me regarding tooth removal . It recommended taking it easy for a few days after tooth removal . Well , I was walking and not running . Walking in the rain - One thing I learned about the weather is that despite the forecasts , it rains only a small percentage of the time . Still , I walked in the rain on several occasions . It isn 't impossible , but it is annoying . It is downright painful when it rains and the temperature is below 40 . Blisters on my feet - I learned much about blisters . I knew how to pierce and drain them and patch them . I never learned how to avoid them . Maybe my shoes didn 't fit properly . I had good shoes and good socks , but the blisters were a constant source of pain . Cramps and diarrhea - Oh yes , I had this one day in Virginia . I guess I ate something that didn 't agree with me . I made it to the motel in the afternoon just in time . Fortunately , this only occurred once . I think I learned how to avoid it . That is a good question . I don 't have an answer . While taking a walk , I would refer to places as towns and cities . Some of the towns and their populations are : I found these numbers on Wikipedia . Some of the towns I walked didn 't have entries in Wikipedia . I guess they were too small for to list . Maybe they didn 't have a population . Some were " included in the town - nearby population area . " If there was a place that had a sign and at least one building with the name repeated , I called it a town . Cities ? Well , it took at least an hour to walk through them . Here are some cities : I found towns to be more interesting . One way to separate a town from a city is the national fast food chain . If there is a McDonald 's out by the Interstate and local cafes on Route 11 , that is a town . If there is a McDonald 's out by the Interstate and on Route 11 , that is a city . On the road , especially when alone , I wanted to go faster . " If I could only walk four miles an hour , I could … " I don 't remember how many times I ran this calculation while walking . I never found a good answer to this " if . " I suppose this is a curse I have . I loved walking , seeing the sights , smelling the odors , experiencing every step . Still , I found myself trying to walk faster so that I would reach the end sooner . Why try to finish something that I loved sooner ? That didn 't make any sense , but that is what I was trying in vain to do . Pace had two meanings . The first was in the moment . How fast was I walking at this moment ? How fast was I trying to walk at this moment ? What time was it ? If I walked fast during the morning , I suffered greater in the afternoon and covered fewer miles for the day . When I walked slower in the morning and took more and longer breaks , I had more energy in the afternoon . I could walk farther for the day and hurt less in the evening . Hurting less in the evening meant better sleep at night and more energy on the morrow . There is no use to hurry now , pace yourself . The second meaning of pace came in the day - to - day of walking . I walked 20 miles on some days . Those days , however , were separated by days of lesser distances . Do twenty today , but not the next two days . How many days this week did I stretch myself ? Today is Saturday , so I can push it today because I will not walk any tomorrow . Patience , ah patience . I believe that I am more patient than most people . That comes from years of writing articles and books . Publishers move slowly , at least when seen from the writer 's perspective . Publishers may have a vastly different opinion on the pace of their work . Finished articles take months to appear in print . Finished books may take years to be published . And the checks that come in payment for the writing , well those take forever ( actually , they come quarterly ) . Still , walking grew my patience . " The next town was five miles away , let 's go , let 's get there soon . No , patience . Five miles means about one and three - quarters hours . Walk your regular pace . Hurrying will not bring anything but pain . Be patient . " I walked 1 , 100 miles . I was never able to take more than one step at a time . I was never able to walk four miles in one hour . Pace myself and be patient . Enjoy the walk .
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Just finished The Letter by Kathyrn Hughes . It 's a very intricate tale . At first it 's about Tina , a battered wife [ at which point I paused and wondered if I wanted to read any further , but I 'm glad I did ] . She tries to get the courage to leave her husband . Then enters the letter she finds in a suit pocket in the thrift shop where she volunteers . It 's old - sealed and stamped , but never mailed . Then you learn about Crissie , decades earlier , a young pregnant girl who is sent off to Ireland to a distant relative by her father , then to a rigid ( meaning horrible ) convent [ the book takes place mostly in Manchester , England and in rural Ireland ] . The letter is addressed to her . Jump forward decades and William , the adopted child Crissie gave up , tries to find his birth mother . William meets Tina in Ireland [ a serendipitous moment ] as she 's trying to find the woman to whom the letter is addressed . This book is the # 2 best seller on Amazon at the moment . It 's a riveting tale and I really enjoyed it . Read Grace Unshakled , by Irene Huising . From Amazon 's page , it says : " In the year 2025 , 17 - year - old Grace Duncan finds herself in shackles because of her faith in Christ . An obedient daughter and stellar student , doing time in jail was never on her mental radar , despite the changes in religious laws [ this takes place here in the United States ] over the past few years . Through twists and turns in circumstances , Grace and a small band of Christians in Newport Beach , California begin a journey to discover what it means to follow Christ with unwavering faith in the midst of increasing persecution . Facing the potential loss of all her hopes and dreams , would Christ be enough ? " We read this for one of my book clubs , and it 's a scary thought about what it could mean if we take God out of our country . The author is a friend of a friend and she attended our book club meeting to share about how she came to write this book . I don 't often share my faith here on my website , but this book made me stop and think about the direction our government is going , removing more and more our ability to worship God . Or to worship in any religion . Will this book ever make waves in the book world ? Probably not . My copy may be a pre - edited version , as it contained numerous typos and formatting errors . But they didn 't detract from the subject , just the cosmetics . The book doesn 't come to a resolution ; in fact it leaves you hanging , as some books do . It was intentional ( obviously ) , but left me wondering about the " end of the story . " Also just finished reading The Muralist : A Novel by Shapiro . It tells the story of a young woman , an artist , who was part of the U . S . 's WPA mural project from the 1930s - 40s ( she is fiction , the WPA is not ) . As with so many artists , even today , they live in abject poverty through much of their lives . This woman , though , had family in France , desperately trying to escape before Hitler 's henchmen rousted them into concentration camps . The story , a bit of a mystery but not of the mystery - genre , is about Alizée Benoit , this young painter , who slightly captivates Eleanor Roosevelt 's help . It also skips into current time when the painter 's great - niece uncovers paintings she believes were painted by her aunt . The painter had disappeared into thin air in 1940 , and her relative tries desperately to find out what happened to her . It 's a really good story including such Abstract Expressionist painters as Mark Rothko , Jackson Pollock , and Lee Krasner well - woven into the narrative . It keeps you guessing right up to the end . A good read . The author also wrote The Art Forger : A Novel a few years ago . Read The German Girl : A Novel by Correa . It chronicles the story of a wealthy German Jewish family in Berlin , as the Nazis arrive and make life a living hell . The family is lucky ( I guess you could say this ) to be allowed to purchase passage on the M . S . St . Louis , a passenger liner , to take them to " the Americas . " The destination is actually Cuba . The story is told from two voices - the teenage daughter in this story , and from a current - day distant family member who is trying to learn about her ancestry . Of the 900 + passengers on the ship , only a few were allowed to disembark since the Cuban President decided he needed more money to accept them . Most families had no money left , as the Reich had taken nearly all of their assets . The daughter and her very eccentric mother were allowed to stay in Cuba . The remaining passengers are rejected by the U . S . too , and eventually return to Europe , where most of the Jews end up dying in concentration camps . The story goes back and forth from the 1939 journey to current day as the link between the two women is slowly revealed . I had a tough time sometimes , tracking the people in this book , but the story was very riveting . It 's based on facts about the ship ( see Wikipedia link above if you 're interested ) . A shameful chapter in history . Recently finished reading a magnificent historical novel . Not new . Philippa Gregory has been a favorite author of mine for a couple of decades . You may remember her most famous book , The Other Boleyn Girl , published some years ago . I thought that was a really great book . I 've read other books by Gregory , but most recently I read The King 's Curse ( The Plantagenet and Tudor Novels ) . The time period is the 1450s to 1541 , mostly under the rule of King Henry VIII , the infamous womanizer and wife / Queen - killer . The man who cursed Rome ( the Pope ) - he wanted his first marriage annulled because Queen Catherine couldn 't produce a living male heir . And subsequently made himself the head of the church in England in order to do so . It was a Catholic country at the time . This story ( it 's fiction , but woven with intricate historical detail ) is from the voice of Margaret of York ( a lady - in - waiting to Queen Catherine ) , who was a Plantagenet in her own right ( which is key to the later events in the book ) . Certainly I 've read other novels over the years that dealt with Henry VIII , but not with this much breadth of info . What a wicked , sinful man he was . And did I say tyrant . Wow . I could hardly put it down , through its nearly 600 pages . In the author 's notes at the end , she shares relatively recent medical info that suggests Henry probably suffered from a rare problem , Kell positive blood type , which can cause miscarriages , stillbirths and infant deaths IF the mother has the more common Kell negative blood type . And that in his later years , he may have had McLeod syndrome , a disease only found in Kell positive individuals . Around the age of 40 it causes physical degeneration and personality changes resulting in paranoia , depression and irrational behavior . All of those King Henry VIII had in spades . If you read the book , you might read the author 's notes ( at the end ) before reading the book . If you like historical fiction ( I love any book about English history ) you 'll just love this one . It 's interesting , thoughAlso recently read News of the World : A Novel by Paulette Jiles . One of my book - reading friends said this is one of the best books she 's ever read in her life . That kind of praise required me to read it and I just LOVED it . It 's about an old man ( a widower ) , who was a former military captain , during the 1800s , who goes from town to town to read out loud the current news of the world ( yes , there WAS such a free - lance job . ) Newspapers didn 't make it to small towns back then . By chance he 's asked to take a 10 - year old girl to East Texas to reunite with relatives . The child had been captured by an Indian tribe as a baby ( her family was killed in the raid ) , raised by the Kiowa and as was often the case of such children , she wants nothing to do with leaving . So the " hero " in this story has his hands full . And yet , they learn to trust each other on the journey . Reaching the destination , there are lots of complications ( of course ! ) . This book is truly a wonderful read - I didn 't want it to end . The author has a gift of description and the severe dangers and difficulties of an old ( wild ) west horse and wagon journey . The relationship is tender . Now I 've got to investigate the author 's other books , of which there are many . Just read this one first ! Sorry it 's been so long since I wrote more about my Croatia trip . Holidays and family things just got in the way ! This picture is one of my favorites from the entire trip . This was the scene as we ventured up over a rise and looked out over this protected , inland Bay . Kotor ( pronounced ko - tr ) is a town unto itself ( pictures below , not in the photo above ) but the whole area is called the Bay of Kotor . I swear , this bay should be part of the seven wonders of the world , it 's that gorgeous . We were blessed with a beautiful day and lovely contrast with the cloud cover . I was in awe . I wanted to camp out right there for awhile before we ventured down to ocean / ground level . In the bottom left you can see an angular line ; that 's Kotor airport . Not a big airport for sure . Kotor is a big summer tourist destination - there were ample small hotels and apartments used for summer rentals . The town of Kotor , a walled city , is off to the right and in another deeper part of the Bay . After taking jillions of pictures from that spot in the photo above , we drove down the hill ( on a scary set of narrow switchbacks where some buses had to do 3 - point turns to make each and every switchback ) and went to a hotel on the bottom right side of the Bay ( at about 4 : 00 on the bay 's edge in the photo at top ) . It was by far the most gorgeous hotel , the Regent Porto Montenegro , that we stayed in on the entire trip . We all were disappointed we had but one night there . We went to the city of Kotor for a tour and had dinner there also . As you can see , there were two cruise ships in port - I know - they look like little yachts , right ? No , cruise ships . The walled city of Kotor is at the bottom right nestled right up against the mountain . I don 't know the elevation of the steep cliff we were on - probably about 1500 to 1800 feet . But that 's just a guess . The next day we took a very small motor craft out into the bay you see above to visit a tiny man - made island . Next is a photo I found at Wikipedia - probably a better one than I took , as it was raining all day . This islet is called Our Lady of the Rocks . It 's now a Catholic Church ( tiny ) and thousands visit it every year . It contains a variety of art , including a wall - hanging made by a woman who waited for 25 years for her sailor - captain - husband to return home safely . She wove some of her hair into it . It was dark in the room , so my photo didn 't come out well . As we left the island , there is another island just next to it ( to the left of this island above , that is private . It made such a pretty photo - I have a hankering to paint the picture below of St . George , Sveti Dorde Island . I should print it out large , so I can sketch it onto watercolor paper . The Bay was just gorgeous . All my life I 've enjoyed scenes such as this one - it could have been taken on hundreds of different coastlines or lakes throughout Europe . This one in the Bay of Kotor . So pretty . Here are two scenes from the walled city of Kotor . At left is the ancient church , much celebrated since it 's been in existence since the 12th century . At right was just a photo I snapped of one of the streets inside Kotor . Everywhere it was walking streets , and the little shop at the end of this little piazza had its interior lights on . Very welcoming . Here are two more scenes . At left is another view of one of the walking streets . The stores were open and many in our group bought bags and bags of trinkets . I didn 't buy anything . At right is a view of me , standing in the window of the Regent Hotel , looking out at the docks . I must tell you , as a widow of a man who sailed all of his life ( from age 8 ) when I walked out to the back of the hotel ( in the rain ) I was overcome with a sense of grief as I looked at all those sailboats and yachts . My DH would have marched right out by all those boats and talked to anyone who might have been around , to find out about the draft , how many feet long the boat was , what kind of an engine , etc . Asking about the sails , about the sailing in those waters , etc . We stayed one night in Sarajevo . It was one of the reasons I wanted to go on this trip . After reading the heart - wrenching book , The Cellist of Sarajevo some years ago , I longed to make a kind of pilgrimage to the small square in the city where the cellist played during the seige . I thought I 'd written up a post on my blog here about that book , but I guess I just put it on my sidebar , which I update ever few weeks . The book is a novel , but based on the history of the siege in Sarajevo in the 1990s . The filament that holds the various stories together is the life of a professional cellist ( supposedly based on Vedran Smailovic ) who is an observer , from his apartment window , of a massacre that happened in his square - the sniper on the hills gunned down 22 people standing in line at a bakery . The book is about how the people of Sarajevo were totally at God 's mercy during the many , many months of the siege . They had little food , had to walk great distances to get water , and took their lives in their hands when they did , as the snipers were vigilant in the nearby hills . Awhile after that particular massacre , the cellist ( this part is fiction , according to some accounts ) decides he 's going to play a specific piece of music ( the composer Albinoni 's Adagio in G Minor - which has a very interesting history all on its own - look it up if you 're interested ) every day for 22 days ; he went down into that square , right where the people were massacred , and in line where a sniper could have killed him too . He plays the piece of hauntingly beautiful music , a classical piece for cello , and hundreds of people come to the square to hear him play . And for whatever reason , the snipers don 't shoot . So , I 'd hoped to see that square , but our guide misunderstood me I guess - Smailovic did do a concert in the ruins of the National Library ( it 's been rebuilt ) , and well after the seige he did play a concert on the square . On our walking tour - and she pointed out the rebuilt Library to me . Sarajevo is a city , big enough that I suppose she couldn 't very well take me to that place . Sarajevo still has many disfiguring marks from mortar fire and other damage to municipal buildings and apartment buildings . They 're still working on fixing it up . We did visit the tunnel that was built from one end of Sarajevo under the airport and out the other side , which was used ( all secretly ) to ferry medicines and much needed supplies , ammunition too . We walked through about 15 feet of the tunnel - cramped , low , and has a steel track on the ground for pushing or pulling a cart . There at left is a display , showing the tunnel ( the white line near the top , that traverses underneath the runway ) . We stayed in a Muslim - owned hotel in Sarajevo . I think it was called the Bristol . Very nice . Some in our group grumbled because the hotel didn 't serve alcohol . Really ? Fortunately the complainers only talked to our tour leader about it , not the hotel . I 'd have been embarrassed if they had . Bosnia is a mostly Muslim country , so when you are in such a place , we should respect their customs . Once we left Sarajevo we headed further south and to the border of Montenegro . The photo at top was the northern edge of Mt . Durmitor National Park . After crossing the Bosnian and Montenegro borders ( which sometimes took 20 - 30 minutes to wait in line , then for all of our passports to be examined , cross - checked and stamped , then we 'd go another 200 yards and do the process all over again to enter the new country ) , we were off into the mountains . At one point we had to pull off the road for awhile because a film crew was shooting a motion picture somewhere on up in the mountains , and all traffic on this very arterial 2 - lane highway came to a complete stop for 4 - 5 hours . We were lucky to be stalled for only about 30 minutes . Eventually we got up into the highlands and our group got into 4 - wheel drive SUVs and off we went on a mountain adventure . We went on , up and up and up ( to about 6 , 000 feet that day ) and above the timberline . Part of the roads were paved , but mostly they were dirt and gravel and usually only one lane . We had lunch at a kind of a summer camp up there - a delicious meal - and as always , way too much food . We had lamb , potatoes , home made cheese , tomatoes , wine and beer if we wanted it , and some delicious strudel like savory pastries . We had those ( kind of in a burrito - shape but smaller ) with a flaky pastry and a meat and cabbage filling . Really tasty . Then we were off again in the SUVs to get down Mt Durmitor on the other side and into a town called Kolacin . It was up at a fairly high altitude . We stayed in a rustic kind of chalet hotel that was full of high school kids on a field trip of some kind , plus some kids competing in some sports games there . The next day we were picked up by similar SUVs and off we went to another 8 , 000 foot high mountain aerie in a different direction . That day we encountered a small pack of horses . We thought they were wild , but found out later they spend every summer up there fending for themselves and the owners retrieve them in the Fall and take them down to his ranch at a lower altitude for the winter . They came roaring down the nearby hills and approached us . We wished we 'd had some apples or something to feed them . There were some young colts in the bunch ( see the one colt 's head in the middle ? ) . That day we stopped at a different high mountain camp and sat out in the relative open camp ( covered , but open and windy , and it rained too ) for another big lunch . Similar food - maybe it was beef or veal that time , more home made cheese ( that was SO good - it was a free - form kind of stretchy cheese - you 'd tear off a portion and eat it with the delicious home made bread ) , salads , cabbage salads , wedges of tomatoes , beer , wine and some sweet for dessert . There was a toilet in an out building there , and a primitive sink for washing your hands . We were out in the elements for several hours and enjoyed the scenery so much . It was just breathtakingly beautiful up on those mountains . There were a few villages here and there , dotting the distant hills . Probably really cold in the winter . The scenery was just so pretty . Kind of like Colorado , I suppose . We all remarked on the gorgeous clouds that day . Once again , we were up above the timberline and nearly into the clouds . So beautiful . This small city , Mostar , is just so beautiful . The river , the Neretva , is probably the high point . The city was a crossroads for trade , way back in history . On this recent trip to Croatia , I learned a lot about the geographic break - up of Yugoslavia in 1994 - 95 . I mean , we all heard about it , right ? There were years of fighting that went on for nearly a decade between the Serbs and others . Sarajevo , Dubrovnik and Mostar suffered greatly during those wars ( all in Bosnia ) . They 're even now , just getting their feet on the ground and learning to be a democratic group of countries . And , as I mentioned earlier , each of the 5 countries is fiercely proud of their independence ( for themselves , but also from each other ) . Unemployment is rampant , though it 's lower in the more tourist centric countries . They all are striving for more tourism - they need it until they can build up their economies with other products to export . Lots of investors from around the world are pouring money into hotels to help the tourism . Mostar was named after the bridge keepers ( mostari ) who in the medieval times guarded the Stari Most ( Old Bridge ) over the Neretva . The Old Bridge , built by the Ottomans in the 16th century , is one of Bosnia and Herzegovina 's most recognizable landmarks , and is considered one of the most beautiful pieces of Islamic architecture in the Balkans . I took a couple of photos of the bridge ( and I managed to trip and fall while I was on the slippery bridge - it was raining ) . But I found a great photo on the web , above . I think it came from a tourism website . There is still evidence of the wars - mortar damage to buildings . Much of the landmarks in Mostar were destroyed during the war ( including the famous bridge ) but they 've all been rebuilt . Mostar and much of Bosnia is Muslim . Many women were in head coverings , though I don 't recall seeing a single woman in complete coverings ( except in Sarajevo ) . It 's interesting how one Muslim country makes an issue over the women 's dress ; others do not . When my DH and I visited Turkey in 1997 , very few women were in full coverings , but now it 's a mandate of the country if you 're a Muslim woman . What that building was , I 'm not sure - it was next to one of the side rivers of the Neretva . It might have been a restaurant . It just was picturesque . While in Mostar , we had a fantastic lunch at a restaurant called the Hindin Han . There 's a photo of the huge plate of food - french fries on the bottom , a chicken breast across the middle , lamb kofta on the right , a pork sausage in the middle ( really delicious ) and beef kabob at the bottom . And a salad with nothing on it . That meal would have been enough for me for the entire day , but we had dinner at our hotel too . Way too much food . In general , we were served too much food . Mostly the Croatians eat their main meal at noontime , but for us they served us a dinner - sized meal ( plus some ) at both lunch and dinner . We had a local city guide there , a charming young man whose family owns a coffee shop there . It was after 3pm when we arrived , and he only had regular espresso - I knew it would keep me awake , so I didn 't have any . I was sorry not to enjoy some . In Mostar , restaurants line the riversides - what a beautiful sight it was . Wish we 'd been able to enjoy more than one of them . We spent just a part of a day in Mostar . Really ? Who knew there were such gorgeous lakes and scenery in Croatia ? People who have been there , yes ! I certainly didn 't know . I didn 't read up on Croatia much before I went on this trip , knowing that we 'd have a guide who would give us plenty of information . This photo at left is one of my other favorites from my whole trip . And yes , the water color is natural - I didn 't touch up that photo one little bit except to reduce its size to fit here on my blog . I was just amazed at the beautiful pictures I got from my iPhone . Plitvice Lakes National Park has a bunch of terraced lakes , all interconnected and separated by natural travertine dams . There is a long walking trail , a catwalk all along the lake edges , mostly over uneven wood slats elevated about a foot above the water . There are no hand rails , and people must pass one another along the narrow paths . A bit challenging . Some in our group did the long walk - I did the short one which was mostly up high , above the lakes , on a very uneven dirt path with roots and rocks in lots of dangerous places . No safety features here . You 're on your own . All of us had to keep our eyes on the ground to not trip . But we paused numerous times to take pictures and to catch our breath . In the photo at right you can see the catwalk along one of the lakes . I 'd suppose this is similar to glacier water , with those colors in it , but no one ever mentioned that on our walks . We weren 't at a very high elevation . Maybe it 's just the mineral content of the water . It was crystal clear . Here in this photo on the right you can see more of the cascading , but notice all the people on the catwalk . It was warm that day - I would think the folks down below would have been parched and hot . On the upper path we were in the shade mostly but we were hot too . A street sign , nicely done with some English . I think this was in Zagreb . We actually took the funicular ( 3rd arrow down ) from the lower town to the upper town . Took all of about a minute . Zagreb was a very pretty city - they have a big public park right smack in the middle of town - I thought I 'd taken some photos there , but I guess not . Over the 2 nights and a day we visited numerous places and I haven 't been able to exactly pinpoint which pictures goes with which town . There were so many . Notice on the sign above , there 's a museum of broken relationships . We didn 't visit , but our guide told us that people from all over the world sent little mementos of various types , some bizarre , some poignant , some funny , of the detritus that is left from a marriage or a relationship . It might have been interesting to see . This is the castle at Verazdin ( this photo above shows it so much better than my own photo , with scaffolding all over - came from a Croatian travel website ) . We visited a museum there . Picture at left is the inner courtyard of the castle . Others below are from the museum , including the ornate dishes ( I love transferware ) from one of the former monarchs . Nothing was in English there , so we had to guess at some of the artifacts . Somebody needs to polish the silver in these glass display cases ! We walked the town with a guide . We had a Croatian guide who was with us from our arrival at the airport in Zagreb , until we went into the airport terminal at Dubrovnik 13 days later . He was charming , Danilo , a lovely man , who really knew his history . He would regale us with history lessons sometimes during our long bus journeys . But in each city we also hooked up with a city guide - most places do that - can 't let the country guide do all the guiding , must keep the city guides in business , so in most of the places we visited we had a city guide to tell us all about that place . This might have been in Verazdin - it was unique because in the old town they still have gas lights , and they 're still lit by a real - live gas lighter fellow every evening , and snuffed out every morning . Kind of charming . We didn 't see it at night , but I can imagine it was very pretty . Our hotel , in Zagreb , the Imperial . It was a beautiful hotel , old world charm but with all the nice amenities of a first class hotel . We enjoyed our stay there . I 've just returned from a 2 - week trip to Croatia , Bosnia ( and Herzegovina ) and Montenegro . Wow . That 's it in a nutshell . If you haven 't been , you need to plan a trip there . The picture above is one of the best photos I took on the trip , I think . There are a few more , but that one just takes me to that place in an instant , in my head . Since Yugoslavia was divided up , there are 5 different countries : Croatia ( along the coast south of Venice , Italy and inland ) , Bosnia ( further south on the coast and way inland too , past Sarajevo ) , Montenegro , which is a small pie wedge of a country along the most southern coast and some inland mountains ; and Slovenia ( eastern strip , didn 't go there ) and Serbia ( also didn 't go there ) . The division of the old Yugoslavia is quite complex , so don 't quote me on all the borders . These countries are struggling a bit - Montenegro , Croatia and Slovenia managed to get into the EU ( probably because tourism is prospering ) but the other countries are not . Their unemployment rate is extremely high , except Montenegro . All the countries are trying to find their niche ( industry and corresponding infrastructures ) and promote tourism because it may be their only future . That 's the sad part . The good part is that each of these countries does has a lot going for them in the tourism arena . All 3 countries I visited were very beautiful . Croatia and Montenegro have some gorgeous scenery . You 'll be seeing lots of pictures of these places in the next couple of weeks as I go through my photos and write up a few stories . And the next question is , from most people - is it a safe place to visit ? Absolutely . I felt safe everywhere I went , even the few occasions when I was alone . The countries have very low crime , and there hasn 't been any terrorism activity there . The Croat people are fiercely proud of their respective countries . And because they represent a variety of cultural differences , religions and ethnic backgrounds , they tend to identify themselves as their country 's people , not prefacing it with a Muslim designation or Roman Catholic , for instance . All the people speak the same language ( Croatian ) which was impossible for us to understand , and I hardly tried ! We started in Zagreb ( the capital of Croatia ) , then went down to the coast to Zadar , Split , back inland to Mostar and Sarajevo , then southeast to Mt . Durmitor ( a Montenegran national park ) and nearby Biogradsko Lake , then to the Bay of Kotor ( absolutely breathtaking ) . And lastly to Dubrovnik . We flew to London after that and stayed overnight after a visit to Chartwell , Winston Churchill 's home during the latter part of his life , then home . I was gone for 2 weeks and a day . I 'm very happy to be home , as I always am after a trip . This trip was rather rigorous , requiring the 14 of us to get up early nearly every morning by 6ish , and rarely got to our nightly destination until 6pm . Long days in the bus . Very few free hours . We were perpetually behind in our daily schedule and sometimes in the evenings , we couldn 't even finish our meals because our bus driver ( a really nice guy ) was required to finish his 12 - hour shift and his pay would be dinged if he failed to meet the nighttime arrival . That happened at least twice on the trip . We didn 't think that was very nice , but , of course , the policy wasn 't ours to make ! The food across the board , was very good . We enjoyed LOTS of specialty cheeses , lots of organically raised beef , lots of fish and not much pork . Usually there was a vegetarian option too . One night lamb was offered , and we had it at an interesting mountain aerie one noontime too . Mostly we had a breakfast buffet with plenty of options for anything from cereal to eggs to breads ( great breads of all variety ) , bacon and sausage and lots of lovely fruit . Hotel coffee wasn 't always great , but I had coffee in individual little coffee places several times and it was delicious . Mostly they don 't offer anything but partly skimmed milk to put in coffee . Yuk . So I didn 't drink a whole lot of it . I asked for cream many times , to be met with a blank face of non - understanding and someone pointing to the skimmed milk pitcher . Oh well , it was just 2 weeks ! We stayed in one Muslim - owned hotel ( Sarajevo ) and some in our group grumbled because no alcohol was served . I think those folks went out after dinner to a nearby bar or club . We were served white wine , red wine , beer and soft drinks everywhere ( except Sarajevo ) and across the board , the wine was good . The Zinfandel grape originates from that part of the world . If you haven 't ever been to The Biltmore Estate , you have truly missed out on out one of America 's treasures . It 's open to the public , and also has 2 hotels located right on the grounds of the estate itself . My friend Darlene has been telling me for years about The Biltmore Estate , and it had been on the travel plan for my DH and me in the spring , but then my hubby died suddenly . We were planning a driving trip of the Blue Ridge Mountains and had known we 'd stay there . Obviously , that trip didn 't happen , as I wasn 't going to do the trip by myself . So , when Sara invited me to go with her and granddaughter Sabrina to visit colleges in the south , I prevailed on them to add 2 nights ( my treat ) to visit and stay there . After visiting 2 of the colleges on our plan , we arrived at the Biltmore late in the afternoon . Darlene had recommended we stay at the Inn on the Biltmore , and to get a room facing the back , the big meadow toward the winery , which we did . We had a lovely room with a gorgeous view . This estate was built by George Vanderbilt at around the turn of the last century ( 1890 - 95 approx ) . The Vanderbilts made their money from the beginnings of railroads here in the U . S . , and they were multi - millionaires . This Vanderbilt , married a society woman and they lived mostly at the Biltmore , although the family also had a huge family home in NYC . George vacationed in the Blue Ridge mountains when he was young , and always wanted to return and build a home there . Originally he bought up about 125 , 000 acres and he and his friends hunted on the grounds in season . George and his wife had one daughter who eventually married into the Cecil family ( connected to British royalty ) , and the estate is still owned by their progeny . Because of inheritance taxes ( I 'm supposing this as I 've not read it ) that the family decided to open the estate to the public - only that way could they keep the beautiful grounds ( now only 8 , 000 acres ) . Over the years the land has yielded lots of crops and they raise livestock on it now . There is a winery too . The Biltmore itself contains 40 + bedrooms and about 25 bathrooms - this back in the day when a complete bathroom housed within a home was almost a rarity . To say that the house is exquisite almost doesn 't do it justice . It 's sumptuous . It 's brilliant , glittery in places , tasteful throughout , housing thousands of art pieces that George collected and are worth millions all by themselves . Visiting the Biltmore is not for the meek of pocketbook . We stayed on the grounds , at the hotel pictured above and I bought a package that included parking ( yes , that 's extra even if you 're staying at the hotel ) and the breakfast buffet . The grounds also contain numerous gardens which were nothing but brown twigs when we visited . The hilly landscape was beautiful , nonetheless , as we wove on the interior curvy roads . It 's 3 miles from the front gate to the Biltmore , and back in the day you went by carriage . There was a train terminus in the nearby town - Asheville . George died quite young of a burst appendix ( the infection caused by the rupture ) . This was before penicillin . His widow continued to live at the Biltmore and she maintained the many educational programs she and her husband had started for the villagers ( because the depression caused such hardship ) . About 30 - 35 servants worked in the home full time , year ' round . We did the Upstairs / Downstairs tour , which was just fascinating . The architect and designers included many innovative things into the building of the French Renaissance " castle . " It isn 't a castle , but by my parlance it certainly qualifies . Our waiter ( in tux attire ) was very attentive and made us feel very content . The tea offered are their own varieties , 3 or 4 black tea combinations , and 4 herbal and floral combos . Because it was late afternoon I think we all had herbal teas , which were very , very nice and tasty . The tea was one of the bargains of the visit - I think it was $ 21 . 95 / pp and included savories , sandwiches , pastries and tea . season , with the flowers and foliage , the estate must be absolutely gorgeous . Sara , Sabrina and I have promised ourselves we will go back to the Biltmore , stay at the Inn again , and be there when the flowers are in bloom - but in the spring before it 's too warm for bugs and humidity . It was bitterly cold while we were there - it got down into the low 20s both nights , but we were toasty inside and there was no snow or rain , really . A must see if you 're ever in the Asheville , NC area . My advice : you really cannot see the estate in a day ; not even in 2 days . I highly recommend a 3 - days visit , or do 2 nights , but arrive in the morning , many hours before you can check in and do a tour or two . There are several restaurants on site ; all the food we had was exceptional . In mid - February ( sorry it 's taken me so long to share this post ) my daughter Sara invited me to go along with her and granddaughter Sabrina to visit colleges in the south . Sabrina wants to be a veterinarian , and probably not to work in a dog / cat clinic . She thinks she wants to be a large animal vet and maybe in the South ( not necessarily equine , but could be ) , though she 's also interested in exotic birds too . She 's been accepted at a bunch of colleges and as I write this , she hasn 't made up her mind which one , although Clemson , pictured above , is in the top two for sure . University of Missouri is wooing her with lots of scholarship and grant money , which could sway her and her family . They will visit that school soon . It 's so darned expensive to go to college these days . Sabrina doesn 't want to attend a California college - not exactly sure why that is - as she could go to college for a lot less money ( in - state tuition is cheaper ) . U . C . Davis is the # 2 vet school in the country ( Colorado State is # 1 now ) ; although Sabrina has very good grades , they 're not quite good enough for Davis , which pretty much requires a better than 4 . 0 GPA . So , flying from different parts of the state , we flew to Charlotte , NC and met up there . Clemson was actually the last school we visited . We went to Appalachian State ( NC ) , Univ . of Tennessee at Knoxville , Virginia Tech ( Blacksburg , VA ) and Clemson ( SC ) . Wake Forest had been on the agenda , but we learned that seeing more than one school in a day was almost impossible , what with 2 - 5 hours of driving distances between the different schools . And Wake Forest doesn 't have a pre - vet major , so I think Sabrina has bumped them off the list altogether . Sara had made appointments with most of the schools for a campus tour , and we learned that schools will often schedule a visit with a faculty adviser . That was really helpful , as we learned after the first one at the U of Tenn . From there on , Sara and Sabrina knew more about what to look for , and wanted to see the vet barns and classrooms . We had a vet - school tour with a pre - vet senior at Virginia Tech , which was so very interesting . Of course , the schools only ask students to do this if they 're very rah - rah for the school itself . All of us liked Virginia Tech a lot , and it 's still in the running , I believe . Appalachian State , although pretty , is quite remote and small , so I think Sabrina has scratched that one off the list . And , although the Univ . of Tennessee / Knoxville is a big campus , and parts are very pretty , I don 't think Sabrina was that intrigued . I didn 't care for the city atmosphere - the campus is right in the heart of downtown , which makes parking a nightmare . As Sara said to me at the end of our trip , it was a good thing I went along , because there were times when I had to stay with the car . We made it in the nick of time for a couple of these tours as the driving took us longer than expected . So , sometimes they went off for a scheduled tour or faculty adviser visit without me as I could find no parking , or nothing near close enough . I frequented a Wal - Mart a couple of times because that was the only place to park . There are a lot of Wal - Marts in the South ! Sara didn 't want to drive in weather , so I did about half the driving , especially on the days it was snowing and icy roads prevailed . We saw so many accidents , and cars , trucks , and even a tumbled - over semi truck that had slid on ice into culverts . I drove slow and steady and we were fine . We , as Californians , and SoCal ones at that , don 't have many cold weather clothes . I bought a pair of boots for the trip ( and then didn 't ever wear them because with my heavy socks on , I couldn 't get my foot into them ! ) , and I wore a neck scarf every day , plus layers of things . We actually enjoyed the cold weather , though we were very lucky throughout the trip - relatively few hours driving in snow , rain or ice , just enough to make it pretty . We wore gloves only on the days it was in the 20s . Most of the days it was in the 30s and 40s . At right is the alumni center at Clemson - I thought it was such an oddity to see a class ring in taller than life - size sculpture . Sunset photo above was taken by daughter Sara with her cell phone . Sabrina has a friend who is a sophomore at Clemson , so they were able to walk the campus some after the tour ( and we shared lunch at a little joint in the half - block long street of " downtown " Clemson ) . The school is in the middle of nowhere ( so is Virginia Tech , for that matter ) . But it 's a beautiful campus and big . We saw lots of happy , laughing and smiling students there that day . The last morning we drove to the vet barns and arena . It 's several miles from the campus and might be a problem for Sabrina who won 't have a car there , or at any of the schools she 's considering . Her parents don 't want her to have a car ( she has one , my DH 's pretty old BMW convertible , that lives at home ) . Sabrina has a part time job working at a dog / cat vet clinic near where they live . She 's just loving the experience she 's getting there . One of the fun parts of the trip was sampling the food . Our first day there we stopped at a Cracker Barrel , in Boone , NC , near Appalachian State . We had the nicest waitress , a local , with a very southern drawl , who helped us choose the best of the side dishes . Sara and I shared a chicken & dumpling meal , and we got cheesy grits , fried okra and broccoli . Sabrina had meatloaf with greens and we all had buttermilk biscuits that were every bit as good as I 've ever made from scratch . It was such a good meal ! See photo in the collage below . There is no way I could have eaten the entire meal - it 's a good thing Sara and I shared it and we couldn 't finish it even then ! We stopped our last day there in a small barbecue place in SC , called Southern Barbecue , ( the link is to Yelp 's page about the restaurant which is in Spartanburg , SC ) and got food to go - a pulled pork sandwich ( that I thought was sensational , but I like Carolina Q - the kind that doesn 't use ketchup or a sweet red sauce ) . We also got a bag of hush puppies . Oh my gosh , were they ever the BEST ! I don 't think we had any desserts to speak of - we were always too full of the regular food ! Portions were large everywhere we went . Biscuits and gravy were an everyday item on the breakfast buffet . I 'm not much for institutional style eggs ( hard and rubbery ) so I had the biscuits and gravy a couple of mornings . We also stayed for 2 days and nights in Asheville , NC , to see the Biltmore Estate . I 'm going to write up a separate post about that since it was so extra special . For me , that was the highlight of the trip . Stay tuned . Termite Mounds . That above is a live one . Other than seeing termite mounds on TV , usually on National Geographic programs , I 'd not paid much attention to them . They 're odd looking . Many are phallic - shaped , and some jesting was mentioned amongst our group about that . The one above is a fairly young mound , probably only about 4 feet tall . And when I tell you they " pepper " the African landscape is an understatement . They 're everywhere . As days went by and we drove by hundreds of them ( pictures below ) I began to notice the differences between them , and could tell whether one was live or not . The answer to that has to do with the color and look of the stuff you see on the outside - this one is dark colored , meaning that the workers ( the termites who take care of the mound , build it , clean it , excavate it ) have been doing their jobs by removing detritus and dung , pushing it up and out , where it clings to the outside . There are vent holes in the mound , which are kept scrupulously clean by the workers . The surface of these things is hard . I never did go up to a fresh mound and push on the dark stuff ( we were rarely out of the Land Rovers ) - perhaps I could have budged it - but I wasn 't interested in touching termite dung . As the weather on the savanna changes the surface of the mound becomes hard , almost like rock . Termite mounds have a king and queen ( similar to a bee hive but without a king bee ) , worker termites and soldier termites , and believe it or not , a mound can live for about 20 years . Eventually the life span of the insects wane and the mound dies . When that happens other rodents move in - mostly mongoose . Or snakes ( but not both ) . At first , I thought the termites must choose a place near a tree ( because so many of them were mounded next to one ) , but actually not . These termites aren 't exactly wood eating ( like the type that live in the wood in my house ) - they eat anything that contains cellulose , which they forage from the surrounding landscape . It 's in hay and other botanical stuff they find . The workers and soldier termites are both blind . As a termite mound rises in time , baboons use the tops of them as a sentry post , scanning the savanna for predators . And those baboons poop as they 're sitting there . Because baboons eat botanical stuff , their poop contains seeds , hence you can see behind this termite mound a tree that 's grown up beside it . So here I thought it was the egg and the chicken , but no it was the termite first , then the trees . Those of us on this trip talked about our obsession with ice . Every one of us was asking for ice - ice in our water , ice in our cocktails , ice to take back to our cabin , and ice in our soft drinks . At one of the camps they ran out of ice . I 'm tellin ' you , that was one very sad day . Of course , remember that it was hovering at about 100 ° every day , so except for lying on our beds under the light breeze from the A / C , we were in the heat elements . Our water bottles were at room temp . None of the tent cabins had a refrigerator . We did have one at our first camp , but it wasn 't a safari tent cabin - it was a tree house and a more permanent structure . We did keep water cold in that one . At our last stop , Stanley 's Camp , we all did some shopping at their little boutique . They had a nice mixture of things and since I left behind most of my clothes , I was able to fit in a few trinkets . At left is a banner - I 'm not sure what it was made of . At right was a shelf full of baskets of all shapes and sizes . There was one I wanted , but it was a bit too big to get into my duffle . More baskets of all shapes and sizes . I bought one of those bush figures - the one at left with green trim . I loved the orange one , but I have no place in my house where an orange figure would fit very well . There at left is the lovely tray of coffee and cookies our room attendant brought to us both mornings . Very nice . We sat out on our spacious front deck , enjoying the view over the reed - filled savanna , listening to the morning birds . Did I mention that mostly we had French press coffee everywhere . They 'd bring all the parts , with a thermos of hot water and we 'd make it ourselves . That 's our front porch . Too hot to sit there in the heat of the afternoon , but it was really nice in the early mornings . There were tarps on the sides , so we had some privacy , but the front just had screens , which was fine .
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I wish I had the strength to open her letter . It 's not a physical thing , but my emotions get so far out of check about certain people and events that I have done my best to hide from them . And now I carry this note with me wherever I go . The joys of email that is synced to my phone and tablet . There is only so fast you can run from something that is sitting within your grasp . It 's been two years since I 've spoken with her . And that conversation didn 't go well . It was after my daughter had died and neither of us knew what to do for each other . So silence became the path of no resistance . Never far from my thoughts , but distance was what we both needed . We shared some of the same reasons and on some level knew there was pain that couldn 't be avoided for either of us . Friends are funny things . They can be thousands of miles away and yet right next to you all at the same time . I ran so quickly to Boston that I didn 't leave a forwarding address . And I didn 't try to involve others in what has become a futile attempt at life . When you wind down a business most people try to do it quickly and with little fanfare . I 've been applying that same theory to my own life . Just a notice my parents will eventually send out letting people know the cancer did it 's job . Last week when it light up all I felt was panic . Pain and anxiety , worry that something had happened to her family or someone else where she felt the need to inform me . It took most of the day to fight off those feelings . To hold back every desire to just click here . I love the feeling of having just finished a run and the sweat is dripping so rapidly my socks are starting to cling to my feet . Water stinging my eyes and my knees are burning from the miles of pavement left behind . This I can 't move fast enough from . I do miss my friend . Staying silent was the last act I could think of to let any of them live without fear . Only now I fear a silly letter . There are a few chips from us being careless over the years . Nothing that changes the sound but the keys that once where bright have faded over the years . And for a few years no one touched it other than to sweep away the dust collected from the plant sitting on top . Hours of my rear end sitting on that bench having a teacher actually swat my hand when I was wrong . [ She was a perfectionist , 9 year old me was not ! ] When my parents sold their house during my senior year in high school , Kathy volunteered a place in her house for me to keep my piano . By that point I was a better player and it kept us both remembering other things that were simpler . Even after college the joke was I had to remember to make arrangements to move it to my own home . 26 years that has been a constant reminder of my place in her life . [ at least a visual , daily companion . ] Long ago I stopped playing for other people . Trading synthesizers for an actual piano , headphones keeping the sounds to myself . The emotions I was feeling remaining there are well . So when Kathy got home from wherever it is she went , I didn 't bother stop playing this time . I was caught in a loop of wanting to finish what I was doing and knowing that it was helpful for her to know I trust her enough to allow myself the release that comes from that piano . I 've played in bands during college and for a few years after . Guys sitting in the basement of a frat house or in someone 's garage pretending we were Pink Floyd or Led Zeppelin ? But that 's different , you blend in . The technician at my latest poke and prod session was playing a version of Sound of Silence I hadn 't heard . A little heavier than Simon and Garfunkel intended , but the use of strings and timpani caught my attention . So when my ride dumped me off at home I sat down to try to mimic what I thought I heard . It 's a very basic song for piano . My issue is the muffled sounds in my right ear , damn seizures ! But after Kathy listened for a while , she did the one thing I have never understood , taped it . From the backside you can 't tell I 'm sick , you only see me leaned over . Later she sent it to the family just so that they could see me the way they need to . The only reason I even know is that I 'm including in the list . No one ever wrote me about it , they know better . What you can 't see on the screen is the picture of my daughter on the phone or how it is sitting next to the picture of Kathy 's daughter . I 'm trying to be open to the idea that somewhere in space and time they are looking out for each other . They were the reason I felt the need to sit down . I wanted to have an audience even if they were only in my mind 's eye . Getting those emotions out for a little time was wonderful . They remain locked up too often . Those too girls made for great muses and in their own way always have . Maybe the song was just what we all needed . I 'd been looking forward to watching this silly cartoon . The latest Batman thing hit the stores and I was school boy curious about it . Too tired , just hit pause and watch it later . Usually these are the things I just watch on my own because rarely do others share my giddy feelings . Last night was different . No cell phone watching , her attention was on the screen for most of the time and making sure I was okay the rest . Long ago we had that talk about what we both needed from each other . Strong shoulders from each , for each , and the rest of the world would just work its way out . So rather than go home and just enjoy the silence of her own place , her teenage daughter at camp for the week , she was sitting on the couch ? We split some salads and I stared at the cookie but passed . The only disagreement was her pulling on the blanket that spanned the both of us , but mostly it was a joke . What I expected to hear was not what I got . I handed her the bag with tomorrow 's lunch and walked toward the door . It was early , most nights I can 't stay up late , other times the medication just wears me out in a different way . So 8 p . m . and I 'm getting my evening ritual started . " It 's more than being worried about you . Some days when you are asleep and I 'm awake I wonder if I 've done enough to help . I want to do more . But love makes people do things for others at strange times . " And out the door she walked . I watched her go and never said anything in response . She knows all of the damage , the stuff you see and the stuff she has had to hear . That has worked both ways , I know her secrets as well . My assumption has always been that someone was going to get hurt . I also knew it was going to be her , because I was the one leaving at some point . We decided during some silent conversation we would live with that , while trying to live with the daily issues . Her husband was a piece of work [ really a piece of shit ] . I don 't want her or her daughter to feel an ounce of pain because of me . They seem to think I 'm worth it , I 'm not so sure . The people I have surrounded myself with I love deeply . Without reservation and without an ounce of regret . Those not around that is for a reason . I don 't have the time to spend with people who aren 't going to be there when I need them . Lived that life , it hurt . Those scars are on the outside as well as the inside . One minute , it changed in just a simple blink of an eye . At least from my perspective , for the people around me it went on for two days . Caught in a moment that lasted much longer than I could have imagined . Eventually all things catch up to you and last weeks running around pretending I can do anything I want smacked me in the back of the head as a reminder that wasn 't the case . It took a minute to understand my surroundings and the presence of my mother . Under the fastest of scenarios she couldn 't be in the same room with me in under six hours . So when I last remembered Thursday and the television in the room was running a scroll that said Saturday , time had hit a pause . The worst thing I can think of experiencing is being there one moment and not there the very next . It happens in life and I didn 't want my family to understand it the same way I do . Having the door slammed in your face and locked out of a portion of life for reasons you never understand . It takes so much from you that never comes back . Trust in yourself being the worst item on my list . I 'm trying to cheat death . Rob him / her of the ability to take more than the future I wanted . The problem has become that the faster I run the easier it is for someone to catch me . My feet can 't move any faster . I can 't out think this . Death reminds me that we have been preparing for the meeting since the moment I was born . Four and a half decades have passed but during Death 's latest meeting with the doctors they agreed . And I want out of my bed to grab a pair of sneakers and hit the pavement . In college I ran to Florida from Boston because I needed to find myself . Away from expectations and the past . It was a good experience . I had changed my world enough to gain myself in return . The balance between being a narcissist and having confidence in my actual abilities finally came into view . Humility replaced being cocky . I blame that on working with kids . My mother is worried . She talks with my Landlady in a way they haven 't since I was younger and they worried I wasn 't talking about another 's death . Add in the teenagers and one of their mothers , my life is full of strong women who are leaning on each other in ways I hadn 't seen before . It 's not about plans but about direction . A path that allows everyone to go at their own pace but always seeing the person in front of them . Sometimes speeding up to catch me as I pull away . College and Grad School helped to train me to recognize multiple needs in an organization and find a balance . No different than family dynamics , but feelings are more pronounced within close knit groups . As each of these women walk in and out of the room I find myself addressing them differently , knowing they compare notes later at the conference held at dinner . But 15 isn 't 40 which isn 't 68 . The commonality is their love of me , the separation being how that love is expressed and the differences in our bonds . Their masks are different because they play differing roles . They are my family even though we aren 't all related by anything other than a common set of emotions . Even the pair who actively raise their hands to run lines when they could be elsewhere . Trying to turn a negative into something positive has been a challenge . Finding the right activity , it was almost two years to the day before it jumped into my lap and screamed " This is what you should do ! " Someone had once tried to get me to work with small children , tutoring them in reading , but it hurt too much . It wasn 't the right thing for me . But now I have been able to dig into something that meets my requirements and also allows for a lasting tribute to many people . The gift this group gave me was the foundation for learning to walk again . To be able to get out of bed without immediately wishing I had just pulled the covers back over myself . Running on what can generously be called a shoe - string budget , they make things work for far too many people who have sought them out . Groups for helping people deal with the loss of children don 't advertise on television or a magazine . It 's word of mouth delivered by some therapist or nurse who has seen that look before . A parent who overhears about a loss and offers to listen , telling them about these others who have wandered in the darkness . So I have been writing grant proposals for them . A couple of thousand dollars would keep them going for years . It 's that much of a self - help approach , helping themselves by talking to others . Possibly picking up the registration fees for some conference held where people who have experienced the same gather to offer a light to follow . The worst part has been getting people to write about the impact this group has had on their lives . It means sitting down and exposing a very raw nerve . Giving details that might not have been exposed in quite some time . Having to relive a small portion of that pain in a narrative that others are going to judge . In some ways it feels cruel , in others cathartic . I keep being reminded of something from the Disney Channel , about how people change people . This is supposed to be a good thing . Their message is that helping others makes us better in small ways . It 's also the voice that keeps me trying to build some lasting memorial to my daughter that will benefit the most people . And since I do have all this training in economics , plowing through flowcharts and budget projections gives me a chance to do something towards my goal . I 've planted trees , paid for trees in other locations , sent up Japanese lanterns because we were celebrating a birthday . All those cute things , but none will have the outreach that this potentially could . If even one other person gains some help from this , all the time will be worth it . It doesn 't even matter if anyone knows that I had anything to do with it . Having written the grant and also an impact statement seems odd . The first company that contacted me had lots of questions and it was good to talk about my daughter in a positive light . It 's not easy allowing yourself to use the memory of someone to raise funds for others , but it also helps the people you are asking understand . It 's not some faceless person who is taking a cut , rather you get someone like me who gets emotional and doesn 't try to hide it . Locking away my daughter would deprive the world of what she could accomplish . Her life changed me and maybe she will be able to help change someone else 's world so that they can do the same for another . One person , making tiny steps , helping another . It 's the best I can offer . For the longest time I didn 't believe in Heaven , although I did fervently understand the existence of Hell . All those questions about why some people and not others was too much for my brain to wrap itself around . So I went with the easy explanation , there was nothing to see , just move along . The fear of missing that person had me hoping that their was a chance that in the future we would get to spend future together . Lots of science in my argument but it left out the obvious , a mix of faith . I wanted when my time ended to have the most important people in my life who had left before me to be waiting . I still feel that way , but I could be wrong . Science says that there is a limited amount of material in the universe . It can 't be destroyed or created , just moved around into something different . Could we be adopting a similar view when it comes to people 's souls ? Only so many to go around and we need to at some point come back . When I think of dying , I have to consider my experiences surrounding my daughter . It 's a requirement in my own healing process . And the first question is " Will she recognize me ? " The obvious answer is yes , but you can 't help wondering . Now the idea of reincarnation has to come into play . Lots of existential questions go with that . Are we always meant to have brief moments followed by absences ? Even if we got back somehow are we going to be part of each other 's new lives or complete strangers with dreams and glimpses of each other ? A long time ago I believed in the presence of ghosts . The good kind as well as the nasty ones . It 's hard to describe the feeling of someone grabbing you by the foot and shaking you awake during a particularly annoying case of the flu . ( I can 't explain it and don 't care to anymore . It shook my rather rigid foundation and I only hope that I was wrong . ) Anyone who laughs at that night just hasn 't had that deep desire for it to be true . ( great , one of the defining components of a delusional state ! ) Can we work out a deal where I get to spend a little time with my daughter before she gets sent back ? The good father I want to be needs her to have lived a long life having experienced more than her short time allowed . If it means missing that connection so that it has even the smallest chance of happening , than the good man I need to be has to wish that . When I sat down behind the wheel of my car the sun was bright . The sky was clear for miles and the warmth on my face felt good . I 'd gone for a run outside at lunch because it was just one of those days you don 't pass up a few minutes outside , even when you should be in your office ! There was no sense of foreboding . No sirens or alerts to warn anyone . The only warning I had was the phone call that came while I was listening to some music anticipating a different conversation . The skies hadn 't changed colors , but as I pushed the pedal further into the floor I couldn 't see through the water clouding my vision . While everyone around me was enjoying the same sun that only moments before had felt so great , the day felt like a hurricane bearing down on me . I was dodging things that weren 't there and as my heart raced the world was crumbling behind me . The road surface disappearing in my mirror . Sitting in the backseat of my father 's SUV racing towards John 's Hopkins Campus , curled up on the tile floor still not able to see anything , trying to eat a bowl of soup my mother later made while I sat not having any words ; all just images that appear when I blink . Nothing makes sense , everything about the rest of that evening is lost to me . And I am trapped between feeling grateful my brain is trying to protect itself and angry for the same reason . 730 days have passed since the clouds took over and I haven 't seen the sun the same way . The prism of color that used to exist is now just shades of grey , the world feels like I 'm beneath the water 's surface and spinning while trying to find air . A chance to breath without this dullness in my chest that grief and confusion has applied for permanent residence status .
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Welp , down to the last week in the mission ! Next week I 'll arrive back in Texas to spend some quality time with mom and pops . The mission has been so amazing . I really can say I 've seen miracles as I 've served with the Lord . I would like to share what the mission has meant to me as this is the last week I 'll have to share it as a missionary . More than 3 years ago before I left out to the MTC and the mission I had a testimony . I think I 've always had a testimony of the restored gospel , but while in Argentina I started seeing miracles and by my obedience and diligence I became converted to the gospel of our Savior Jesus Christ . The time in my first area ( 8ish months ) was a time that I know the Lord gave me to be able to change my heart and become the person I have become today . I then faced a lot of trials which made me recognize my weaknesses as I moved forth to my next areas . In the end I realized I couldn 't do the work alone and that I needed to fix some things in my life . I believe that to have been the hardest thing I have ever done in my life . I knew that as a consequence for my actions I would have to return home , but I had faith that it was what the Lord wanted and that if I did my part He would make up for what I couldn 't do . As I returned to Texas I felt the full weight of the consequences of my decisions and found myself feeling utterly alone , as I didn 't know anyone other than my parents . I remember that the stake president invited me to a ysa pool party at his house and I went and felt super awkward and then at church on Sunday nobody even really said hello other than the ward mission leader to ask if I would be attending there for a time . Despite those trials I was able to put my confidence in the Lord and continued doing everything within my power . On the outside I wasn 't sure if I would finish the mission , but on the inside I knew it was what I had to do and what I desired most . I passed through a time of depression , but at last the Lord helped me to associate myself with other people that lifted meHow grateful I am for my Savior , Jesus Christ . It is only through Him that we can achieve happiness , peace , and receive forgiveness in this life . It is only through Him that we can be reconciled unto the Father and receive all that He hath if we are faithful . Love you family ! I will be seeing some of you next week and others of you a little bit later ! Thanks for all your support during these 3 years , you all have changed my life forever and I know you 'll always be by my side to help me along . This is crazy ! I have two weeks left in the mission ! I almost can 't remember before I headed out to the mission . haha , I think my friends in Utah think I died or something . haha . Not much to say this week other than that I 'm excited for the mother 's day call on Sunday and I 'm doing my best to keep working until the last day of my mission ! Unfortunately all of our investigators have stopped progressing , but this past week I was able to do an exchange in a place called Punitaqui which is pretty rural and we had a good lesson with a family they are teaching and then on Saturday I did the baptismal interviews for 2 young people from the family and they were baptized here on Sunday ! It was a great experience and the rest of their family will follow in 2 weeks . The mission has been great . I can definitely say I could have taken a lot of other paths that would have been easier , but I know this is the one the Lord wanted me to take . It hasn 't all been what I wanted either , but I know it has been that way so that I could have the necessary experiences to help me to be the person I am today . I know that if we put the Lord first everything turns out and always a lot better than if we follow what we want . Love you all ! Happy mother 's day on Sunday and I 'll be seeing you all soon ! Well , this week was another very difficult week . After everything I sent last week our family ended up backing out again from being baptized . . . : / On Monday evening we received a call from the dad , Jorge , and he said they had some more doubts and they wanted to cancel the baptism . It was a big blow . We indicated we wanted to pass by , and so he said he would be away at work until Friday if we wanted to talk , but that ¨ it wouldn 't change their decision . ¨ Anyways , they weren 't very specific about their doubts and anyways we called the mom , Adriana , on Wednesday and asked if we could visit her and the kids and she agreed , but later called and said that Jorge had called and said he wanted to be there so we changed the appointment to the evening . That day we had interviews with President Kahnlein and then we went all four missionaries ( us and the zone leaders who had done the interviews ) and Jorge started putting in doubt just about everything we had ever taught them . I really think the issue is tithing is the problem , but that he is putting everything else up as a defense . . . he said he doesn 't believe in churches that ask for money and that he wasn 't really sure if the book of mormon really was true . . . etc . it was a mess . We all ended up testifying about the blessings of the gospel , of eternal families , etc . Everyone was crying except Jorge and he wouldn 't let anyone else talk very much . . . it was super lame . Anyways , we gave them the week to recover . . . and we got a call later in the week from Adriana saying she was confused and that the kids were really sad because they were really excited to be baptized . So we 're going to try and go over today and see what we can do . Bummerrrr . . . . . Other than that we are seeing if we can find some new investigators and if we can help the mother of 2 recent convert kids to prepare for baptism . She said she would consider it , but that she would like to do it before we leave . haha . So we 'll see . Well , not too much else to say ! I don 't know why ya 'll haven 't got my flight plans , but I get in to McAllen Wednesday the 22nd at 8 or 8 30 in a flight from Los Angeles . Ya 'll can look into it . haha . Also - what on earth ! Kayla is getting married and Devin and Porter have mission calls ? ? ? hahahaha . . . . . so weird ! ! ! I 've always seen them as just the little snot nosed cousins ! Crazy . . . I 'm gettin pretty old . Lemme know if ya 'll want some kind of souvenir cuz time is gettin short ! Love ! Alright , so the baptism didn 't go down , but it will this Saturday ! haha , it was a pretty crazy week last week . On Monday night we got a call from Jorge Gamarra , our investigator , and he said , hey , I would prefer that we just meet with you at the house on Wednesday rather than going to the interview because I want to talk about some doubts that we have with you guys . . . . . OH NOOOO ! ! ! haha . . we anyways , we went over on Wednesday and the doubt was about tithing again ! So we talked about the commandment and we promised them that if they tested God by trying the commandment they would see the blessings and their desire to pay would increase and that the Lord never gives a commandment that is too difficult to keep , etc . By the end of the lesson they agreed to keep the commandment . They then informed us they weren 't really sure if their daughter Barbara would be baptized with them . We set up an appointment with the kids Friday afternoon and with Jorge and Adrianna for Friday night ( Jorge works two hours away and so he usually stays there during the week ) . Friday afternoon we went and showed the kiddos and Adriana a missionary video that we have that shows a family named the Robles family and how they get baptized and after a year go to the temple to be sealed . After watching the video we asked Barbara how she felt and she replied that she thought it was a really cute video and that she hoped their experience would be the same . So then her mom turned and looked at her and asked her , So you 're going to get baptized with us ? and she said , yes , I want to be baptized ! ! haha , it was great ! So anyways on Friday we reviewed the baptismal interview questions with the family and as we reviewed tithing with the kids it was great because the mom said , but remember that we 're going to be members of the church for our whole lives ! We 're going to get baptized next week and in a year we 're going to go to the temple and get sealed as a family , so when you make money you need to pay tithing . It was so great ! ! ! They 're an amazing faThe only thing that isn 't going so well is with the leadership . After some nudging the branch president agreed to attend Branch Council as it was scheduled to be Saturday evening . He arrived an hour late to the meeting and proceeded to announce that the next day he and his counselors would be released the next day because they had asked for a release . But then on Sunday there were no releasings or anything . . . . ay ay ay . . . . The problem here in Chile is that everyone works in the north in the mines and so they have to travel really far and a lot of times they have to be away from home 10 days and are home 3 or 7 there and 7 at home . . . but the church can 't work when the leaders do that . I 've only met one Chilean who has understood that and he is the Elders Quorum president here and he always talks about how he has passed up a lot of great career opportunities in the north so that he would be able to be here during the week helping the branch . The funny part is that I talked with him and he served in Rio Grande , Tierra del Fuego , Argentina in one of the other branches than the one I was in ! haha , the world is so small inside the church . It was fun to talk with him . I 've learned the importance of putting the things that matter first like God , the family , and then work while I 've been here in Chile . I 've had to learn a lot about leadership in the church as well . It has been a relief to be here in Ovalle because we no longer have to worry about preparing and taking down the sacrament , assigning sacrament talks , doing tithing and taking the money to the bank on Monday , etc . Anyways , love ya 'll . This past week the zone leaders handed me an envelope that said , preparation for your farewell . It had details about my departure and things I needed to prepare for the final interview with President . It said I was to inform you all that I will be arriving in Texas the 22nd in the evening and so you need to get ahold of President Wilson so he can release me that evening ! haha , weird . Other than that . . . any requests for gifts ? ? ? let me know . Love ! I have been transferred ! This week I arrived to a new zone called Ovalle ! It is another smaller city , but it is a lot bigger than Illapel . When I arrived on Wednesday I was told that we had an amazing family that we were teaching and that on Tuesday the Zone leaders went with my comp and they agreed to be married on Saturday ! So anyways I went over with my comp Wednesday night to meet the mother of the family and to make the plans for the wedding . We arrived at their house and it was like being at home in the US ! haha . They have a really nice house . Then I met the mom , Adriana . She was super nice and told me about how the elders had obligated her to get married and so she was going to be married on Saturday . Then on Thursday we went over and I met the rest of the family and Friday we went to the Registro Civil ( government building were they do paperwork ) The family consists of - Parents - Jorge and Adriana Kids - Barbara ( 14 ) , Daniel ( 12 ) , Jorge ( 5 ) , and Javiera ( 3 ) . I believe those are the correct ages . Anyways , we taught them the law of tithing on Thursday and they were kind of unsure at first , but with some help they were able to accept the commitment to keep the law of tithing . They will be baptized on Sunday . They are such an amazing family . During these past 2 transfers all I have really been praying and fasting for is to be able to find and baptize a family before I finish . I know that this family is the answer to my prayers and the hard work that I 've put in . I know the Lord heard my prayers and has put me here to answer them . The Lord has been so good to me . I know he loves us and answers our prayers when we express our hearfelt desires and do everything within our power to get what we ask for . What a miracle . Other than that we are looking for new investigators ! My companion is named Elder Corona and he is from Mexico City ! He is a great person . He is more reserved than any companion I 've had before , but I think it is helping me to be more spiritual . It is kind of funny because he actually just got done ¨ killing ¨ his last companion as his companion finished his mission and went home . I also heard that my buddy Juan and the sister of my convert Natalia were baptized in Illapel ! Well . . . . this week was a pretty tough week here in the mission field . Our investigator Nathaly from the part member family passed her interview on Thursday , but then on Sunday she didn 't show up with the rest of the family and her mom ( the only member ) , Kathy , was like mad at us and said that Nathaly didn 't want to come to church anymore and that she didn 't want us to pass by anymore for a time . It was sooooo lame . Nathaly was doing great and was really excited to be baptized , but I don 't know , I think her mom 's negative attitude led her to make some kind of comment that she wasn 't really ready or didn 't understand baptism or something and for that she felt bad and wasn 't baptized this week . So anyways . . . that family is now officially on hold . . . : ( In other news we found a new investigator this past week named Juan because Elder Reyes asked if he could use his bathroom . haha . Then we ended up singing him a hymn and talking about baptism and he accepted to be baptized ! So he attended this past week and everything and is really excited to be baptized . He is a really funny guy . Not much else to say ! This week is transfers ! My last transfer ever ! ! ! ! ! ahhh . . . haha , crazy . I 'll have finished my 27 months of being a missionary officially . I 'm doing my best to finish strong and help as many people as I can while I have the time left to do it and I am grateful the Lord put someone ready in our path last week . Anyways , thanks to whoever registered me for my classes ( josh ? mom ? ) , looks like I should be able to make it back to school . haha . Anyways , love you all ! Have a great week , hopefully next week I 'll send some pictures . : ) Welp , another week has gone by here in Illapel , Chile . On the 30th ( Saturday ) nathaly should be baptized , she still needs her interview and to be taught a couple of things , but she should be ready ! Other than that on Saturday night we finally found somebody that seems to be really prepared . She is a single mother with 3 kids , but only 2 live with her at all times as the oldest lives most of the time with the dad in another city to the north . We found her looking for a lady that we had talked to in the street a few days previous and we talked to her about eternal families . She let us pass by her gate and we talked outside of her home with her and she talked about how her brother and her dad had already passed away and she has been wondering what happens after death and how it had been a burden for her . We started talking to her about baptism and so she asked some great questions which led us to teach from Moroni 8 ( infant baptism is not from God ) and she understood really well and accepted the invitation to prepare to be baptized in April . We are really excited for her ! We 're going to stop by her store in the next hour to say hello and to set up an appointment at her house or in the church . The good thing is that she works almost right next to the church and she can attend us at her work . Anyways , I 'm learning lots here in Illapel , especially about all the small details of church leadership . It has been tough at times helping out in the branch presidency , but I can say it is really rewarding when things finally start working and lives are changed . This Sunday we ordained a brother to the office of Elder , which is a big step for the branch because there really aren 't very many active Elders here . The less active that I helped out , John Paul , who was ordained to the office of priest last week was also able to arrive early to prepare the sacrament and he passed it as well . I was also asked to represent the branch presidency in Sacrament meeting by giving a talk about how the relief society is important for the priesthood . I basically just talked about how my own mother had always helped me to be better in the priesthood . Thanks mom : ) We have next month set as the days for the patriarchal blessings , we have around 10 members that will receive them , but they will have to travel to Viña to receive them ( about 4 hours in bus ) . We also have the temple date set in May . We also help doing the tithing every week and today , as we do every other week , we deposited in the bank , because they are closed on Sundays . So basically I have learned that there really are a lot of things to take care of being in a church leadership position , but it has been a good learning experience . Anyways , love you all . Make sure you get your home teaching / visiting teaching visits done this month ! They really do make a difference . Have a great week ! This week was decent , we only had one investigator at church , who is nataly , but she is progressing really well to be baptized the 30th . Her mom , Kathy , who is getting active again is doing well as well , but it seems like her live in boyfriend has lost interest and they 've been having some problems . I wish he would just understand and listen for himself the message , but not so for now . . . we 're gonna keep doing everything we can so he can progress . As far as helping the branch . . . . we helped them set a goal to travel to the temple in May , as they haven 't done a trip in over a year . . . and we also have at least 10 people ready to receive their patriarchal blessings , which they will have to travel to receive in April . A less active that I have helped out a lot , John Paul , also received the priesthood after years of inactivity an is really excited to come to church early to help us prepare the sacrament , to pass , and to prepare himself to receive the melchizidek priesthood . It 's always amazing to see the miracles the Lord can do in the lives of the people if they just listen and act . Being a missionary is great ! I am doing everything I can to take advantage of what I have left . I 've always loved the talk where it talks about the furniture store that had a sign up that said , ' finishers wanted ' Love you all ! Have a great week . Happy birthday to me mañana ! haha . : ) Well first of all I have to say that the mission secretary along with the church travel department had an error and messed up on the plane tickets . My flight is actually the 21st of May after all . haha . I 'll be home in Texas the 22nd . haha . Eventually I suppose they 'll stop extending my mission . haha This week we were able to help two investigators to accept baptismal dates . They both come from part member families and we were able to help various less actives attend for the first time in years . There were 51 in Sacrament meeting on Sunday . Not too bad for Illapel . We also heard that president is going to give us another set of missionaries here ! In fact they will be sisters and they 'll arrive for transfers ! Anyways , I don 't have much time today because we had a zone activity of playing soccer , eating completos ( hot dogs with avacado , tomato , and everything else ) , and watermelon . haha . It was fun and we had Zone leader Council last week so we traveled a lot and this week we 'll have Zone conference with president . Should be fun . haha . Anyways , I 'll try and include more details about everything going on soon or if not you 'll have to ask me when I get back . . . hahaha . Love you all ! Have a most excellent week . I found out today in an email from mom that I 'll be arriving in Texas May 1st ! haha . . . I had no idea , I thought I was leaving the 21st of May . That means I only have 9 weeks left . . . : / haha . . . anyways , I still might talk to President Kahnlein , but I think that is probably when I 'll be heading home to Texas . Other than that we had some crazy changes at transfers like I commented last week . Elder Pereira left to be the new assistand and Elder Reyes who was my Zone Leader 2 transfers returned again and is now my companion . Check out - misionvinadelmar . blogspot . com to see all the new missionaries that arrived . We have 3 new missionaries that just arrived to Chile in the zone . 2 Elders and 1 sister , the sisters white washed ( took out the elders and put in sisters ) and one is being trained . they seem to have some good potential . We 're excited for what 's going on in the zone . Josh - Could you look into when I 'll be able to register for classes ? I think it might be at the end of this month , not sure . It would be good to know . haha . Other than that we have one family progressing . We 'll have a family evening tonight , but the dad already has received a testimony that the Book of Mormon is true . They just need to get married and we need to keep working with the 10 year old daughter , because she is really nervous and leaves to her grandma 's house whenever we go over . haha , but they should be baptized at the end of the month . They are : Roberto , Katy , Natali , and their little girl Antonia . The mother is a returning member and is pregnant and due for June . They 're great and seemed to enjoy church though we 've been having little attendance lately . There were 32 at church on Sunday . Hopefully we can get back up to 50 and upwards like we were at one point . President Cortes drove us around for 5 hours yesterday visiting the converts and less actives . It was great . Hopefully we can get more members on board to go out and visit the less actives and converts . Mission lesson learned : DO YOUR HOME AND VISITING TEACHING . It 's super easy and makes a huge difference in the lives of the people you visit , if you only worry enough to visit them once a month . So anyways , I invite you to get your visits done early this month . : ) haha Well today marks the first day of a new transfers . Due to circumstances in the mission transfers will actually be Wednesday , but we were informed of if we were staying or leaving Saturday , however , I have already lost my companion ! Haha , That means I will be staying here in Illapel ! Elder Pereira left yesterday to Viña because he was called as the new assistant to the president ! haha . He should enjoy his time there until we go home in May . Turns out my new comp will arrive Wednesday and he is actually who was the zone leader during my second transfer here , Elder Reyes from El Salvador . In his absence of one transfer he went and opened up an area ( Canela ) that was closed for at least 4 years and they were able to finish out the transfer with two baptisms ! He is a great missionary and I 'm excited to be able to work with him . Other than that we had a part member family attend church . Katy attended with her 2 daughters , one of the which is 10 and so we 're starting to make some ground to help her to be baptized . Unfortunately the father of the family is not a member and they aren 't married . The good news is that it seems that he is really interested because while he was gone for 7 days for work he took the Book of Mormon and read over 120 pages ! haha , awesome . We 'll be seeing them this week and hopefully we 'll be able to help them make some plans to get married and the father and daughter baptized . Well that 's pretty much all the news ! Crazy to think I 'm down to 12 weeks left in Chile ! I just barely got my Chilean ID today ! haha , but hopefully I 'll be able to leave a lasting change in this branch and be able to find people that will be able to step up and be the future leaders here . In the branch this week we helped the new first counselor direct his first sacrament meeting and we made a list of people interested in getting their patriarchal blessing so a patriarch will travel to come give blessings for our branch . Marcelo Saldivar , my convert , passed the sacrament for the first time . He is doing great and his grandma should be getting baptized this month with the help of the other elders here . Sometimes it is a lot of pressure to be here as a Zone leader and in leadership in the branch , but it has been great and all I can say is that I love this work ! Gotta keep working while I have time . haha . Again we are at week 6 of a 6 week transfer ! This Saturday we will find out about transfers . I 'll be sure to let you know what happens , we 'll have to see if the Lord wants me to be here a little longer or if I get sent elsewhere for the remaining 3 months of my mission . I feel like I 'm ready for either option at this point haha . In other news there was a miracle baptism in the zone yesterday ! A long term investigator showed up at the Elder 's house after church yesterday saying he wanted to be baptized and so the District Leader interviewed him as they filled the font and he was baptized ! It 's so great when people finally follow the Spirit and take the steps necessary to follow Jesus Christ . The Lord is great with me and I 'm enjoying the time I have left , it is really weird to think it is all winding down , but everything happens at the time it needs to . Love you guys ! Have a good week and I invite you to visit someone in need and let me know how it goes ! Love ! This week was a pretty good week , we were just a little short on time because we lost two days in traveling and going to a Zone Leader Council in Viña on Friday . We traveled Thursday after lunch and arrived that night . We promptly went to Lider ( a supermarket that was bought out by Walmart a few years ago ) and bought tons of cosas gringas ( american stuff ) like marshmellows , peanut butter , cookies , bbq sauce , etc . Then we went to the apartment where I actually started serving here in Chile and ordered Papa John 's . It was nuts . haha , it was really fun and the council was great the next day . President is trying to raise our vision a lot higher . When he arrived in July he made an emphasis that the Lord expects every companionship to baptize monthly , but now he is setting our sights to be able to baptize weekly . According to statistics we have to find 15 new investigators for 1 baptism and so he changed the standard of excellence ( what we should be going for in the long term ) to find 15 new investigators weekly . So anyways , looks like my tongue might fall out by the end of my mission talking with so many people . haha . But it 's good . Other than that at church we had 2 investigators , the mother of the branch president and the ex boyfriend of a member . Both are slowly progressing , but say they aren 't ready to prepare themselves for baptism . We 're going to keep working with them and keep looking for more new investigators ! Should be good . Not this Saturday , but the next we find out about transfers . From what we were able to get out of President in interviews it looks like Elder Pereira will be leaving . I think I might just serve my whole chilean mission in tiny little Illapel ! haha , we 'll see , but I love it here so I 'm willing to continue . haha . That 's it for this week ! Thanks for the words of support those who wrote ! Love you guys ! Have a good week and enjoy the pictures . We had a pretty great week this past week , our dear friend Elsa was baptized . She is really funny and the Spirit was great . She asked Elder Sheffield to baptize her which was good for him as a young missionary as well . Everything went great . It looks like her godmother who was recently baptized looks like she will soon be called as the second counselor in the relief society . They 're a great little family . Other than that , we 're working a lot with the mother of our branch president and his cousin that lives with her ( basically an adopted sister for our branch president ) . We should be completing the branch presidency this coming week as well , the branch is starting to come together quite nicely . haha . I love the mission ! It is great . This week we have Zone Leader Council in Viña so it should be fun to travel a little bit , hopefully missing two days doesn 't affect us too much . Anyways , enjoy the photos ! If you haven 't seen the mormon message from President Uchtdorf 's talk I invite you to watch it ! The blessings of the gospel are available for all and it is so easy to receive them , we just need to be obedient ! Enjoy http : / / youtu . be / vV2YlnbXgAs : ) This week went by really fast ! Our investigator named Elsa passed her baptismal interview yesterday and so she will be baptized this week ! We are really excited for her . She is really prepared and has a lot of support from her Godmother who was baptized a few weeks ago . Other than that we had a good branch party . It was themed tropical juices and so everyone took some fruit and we made lots of luicuados ( fruit smoothies ) and sang karaoke . haha . It was good . This week we should have our interviews with President Kahnlein , our apartment and everything is ready ! Everything is going great ! Just gotta keep finding new investigators to have potential for February ! The branch is slowly getting better as well which is good , hopefully we 'll get a young mens president and a 2nd counselor in the branch soon . Man , this week has been super hectic ! haha , we basically remodeled our nasty apartment , found a new apartment in another area in the zone and got the contract done , fixed an unrecorded ordination of an elder so that he could baptize his daughter , fixed all the addresses in the branch member list , and a lot of other MLS errors . It was crazy . I 'm actually out of time today , but Maigdel was baptized by her dad and she asked me to confirm her ! It was great . Their family is awesome . I 'll try and send the pictures next week . Love you all ! Thanks for you emails this past week , it 's like all of my siblings got back from winter vacation . hahaha . Have a good week ! Hello everyone , this past week was pretty crazy ! On Saturday I was advised by my zone leaders that I would be transfered , but how it works here they don 't tell you where or who or anything . So I was like . . ahh man . . . I have to leave my convert Marcelo and everything we 've accomplished here . . . but then . . . that same night we received a call from Presidente Kahnlein and he asked me if I was willing to accept the assigment of being a zone leader and I said yeah and he said , well you won 't be going far , you 'll be with Elder Pereira ( one of my zone leaders ) . hahaha , I just said , are you serious ? ? ? and he said he was , and I just said I was really excited to stay here . It was great . So anyways now I am working in the downtown area of Illapel ! We had a rough situation happen last week where some members got involved in the personal lives of other members and it looks like some were offended and Presidente Cortes asked to be released but the counselor of the mission came on sunday and interviewed him telling him he would have to man up . haha . So anyways , there is plenty of work to do and the district president hasn 't helped at all . . . looks like the mission will intervene in his absence . Hopefully everything turns out and the members can learn a lesson about charity and loving your neighbor . Other than that I don 't have much else to say , we are pretty much remodeling our apartment and so far it has improved a lot . Here are some pics of the farewell and of my new comp Elder Pereira who is from the south of Chile in a place called Constitucion ( which also happens to be the name of my first area in Buenos Aires ) . Should be a good transfer . Love you all ! Don 't get trunky and endure to the end ! hahaha Well hello everyone . This week was a decent one . It went by super fast and I felt like there just wasn 't enough time for everything I wanted to do ! I did a couple of exchanges with the other elders of the district , they 're really struggling and they are seeing a lot of problems in their branch . I had the opportunity of attending their Priesthood Executive Commitee meeting where they set goals for this year and it was sad . It was just us 4 missionaries , the branch president and his counselor who was the branch president before . Their goal for the past year was 6 and they accomplished 8 . Now the Lord has doubled the amount of missionaries and yet the branch president wanted to put the goal at 8 and complained about retention and saying that 2 baptisms really don 't count because they came from 9 year olds . It was just a meeting lacking any type of faith or vision and there were no plans made . It was kind of frustrating and I tried to help them see , but the branch president had already made up his mind before the meeting , and really it was just a presentation of goals rather than a discussion to set them . They told me I didn 't know the " reality " of Salamanca ( the town ) . The missionaries there are pretty frustrated , I think we 'll see a lot of changes there next week for transfers . Anyways , the good news of the week is that Marcelo was confirmed and was able to receive the priesthood . He is really excited and says he wants to serve a mission , especially in the United States . Haha . The problem is that he is behind in school and so he has at least another 2 years of school before graduating . Haha . . . poor guy . He 's so awesome though ! He went to an interview with president Cortes on Friday so that he could receive the priesthood sunday and then everything went well on Sunday and then he went to a family home evening with us with some other member families . It went really well and I think he is adapting well to the " mormon way of life . " haha . We also had the opportunity to help out in the Aaronic Priesthood class this week . 2 weeks ago we did the first class that had been done in at least a year for young men and president cortes said he would like us to keep helping out . This week we had a great class about why Jesus Christ is important in our lives and we watched a great mormon message - http : / / www . mormonchannel . org / mormon - messages - for - youth ? v = 1795507066001 I recommend it . Anyways , not much else to say . I love being a missionary ! I got a really trunky email from the mission today asking about what airport I 'll be flying to , I put either McAllen or Harlingen . Hopefully that 's not a problem . So crazy ! haha , weird that my mission might actually end . Anyways , transfers next week . I have mixed feelings . I hope I can stay for Marcelo and to keep helping the branch , but at the same time I feel like I might be transferred . haha transfers are so lame ! Anyways , it would be great if mom or dad could get me an email address or something for my convert Nahuel Aponte , I want to write him and try to help him to come back out to the mission ( he went home cuz his mom was diagnosed with cancer ) . Let me know if you can get anything from him on facebook or something . Maybe David Fernandez ( my trainer ) could help too . Anyways , I love you all ! Have a good week and try and do some missionary work this week ( other than the ' rents and nicole . . . haha ) . Love !
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The last storm that came through mostly went south of Chicago , so we didn 't get very much except a dusting ( or maybe up to half an inch or so ) , and I didn 't pay too much attention to it . But the news today was full of the trouble they 're having in Kentucky - - it 's the worst storm the state has ever seen . I 've got family in Kentucky and I 've been talking to them this week . They 've had power through the whole storm and aftermath , but they knew of people who didn 't . Even so , I didn 't realize that the situation was much , much worse to their west . Some parts of the state may not have power again for a couple of weeks . I even heard that in some more rural areas , they could be out of power for as much as a month . There are bigger problems than just the power , though , because with that out , there are some water treatment plants that are not operating . That means dirty water . So we 've got people without power , some of those without heat , and some without water . Don 't worry - - FEMA 's on the case - - but is that good or bad ? Don 't worry , though . I 'm sure Mitch McConnell will make sure that everything in his state is under control . If the Republicans don 't want to play with Obama and his economic recovery package , then why should we keep they various incentives intended to entice them ? As it stands now , the Republicans have the best of both worlds . By entering into negotiations , they 're desires are catered to , and aspects of the bill are added or changed to suit their demands . All this comes at absolutely not cost , however , if they don 't follow through with their own support and simply vote against the bill . They had to expend no political capital , and yet the bill is closer to what they want . In the ( almost ) words of the great man , this ain 't no party . This ain 't no Bush administration . This ain 't no fooling around . I 'm glad to know that I 'm not the only one thinking such things . Some members of the Democratic caucus are making the same argument . I 'm not sure if that might partially be why some Democratic senators are starting to balk , but the more progressive members ( yeah , I know , it 's the Senate , not exactly a hot bed of liberality ) need to bring them in line . Especially if the Republicans go back to their old tricks and try to filibuster . The alternative to giving this a chance we 've got on the table right now is to sit back and watch the economic stall out even further . Well , that was quick . 59 - 0 . The Trib said that Lieutenant Governor Pat Quinn was sworn in " within hours " of Blago 's ouster , but I 'd be willing to bet it was a lot closer to five minutes . The ex - governor has been comparing himself to Gandhi , Martin Luther King , and Nelson Mandela lately , but John Kass suggests that John Dillinger might be a better example . He also advise Blago to change his legal strategy from one of defiance to one of singing like a canary to strike back at all those who 've just crossed him . We 'll see how that works out . I got a call today from a friend asking me how long until Pat Quinn gets indicted . My suspicion is that the legislature will at least give him a couple of weeks of honeymoon . By the time the snow finally starts melting ? well , that could be a whole different story . I 'm a day late on this , but that just gives me better places to link to . John Updike died yesterday , and the New York Times has a lengthy obit as well as an appraisal by Michiko Kakutani . The New Yorker has a collection of remembrances from writers such as E . L . Doctorow , Joyce Carol Oates , Jonathan Lethem , T . Coraghessan Boyle , and even John Cheever . You can also search through their archives for Updike 's contributions to the magazine . Click through , and you 'll get the ten most recent of 846 results . Dig deep enough , and you 'll find something dear to the heart of this blogger ( and maybe one or two readers ) : his appreciation of Ted Williams upon the Splendid Splinter 's retirement . Also , via The Beat , we can see comics historian Jeet Heer 's plea for a collection of Updike 's writing ( and off - hand comments ) about comics . Thankfully , John Updike left an awful lot of writing behind him . Although you might not know it from the comments I 've offered here , he was best known as a novelist . Go explore his work if you haven 't already . I continue to be knee - deep in late deadlines , so I don 't much know what 's going on outside my window ( except that it 's snowing on and off ) . One thing that I 've noticed when I get single - minded in the service of something is that I really do get single - minded . I 've got a selection of CDs to listen to at work , but the only one I 've put on since last week ( or maybe before , I 'm not sure ) is Catatonia 's Greatest Hits . When it finishes , I just hit play again , and I suspect that I 'm going to use it to see me through to the end of this project . I keep thinking that I 'll put something else on next time ( the even money 's on Neon Bible , if anything , but I 'm not at all sure that I 'll take Catatonia out of the player ) . I 'll admit that I did browse a couple of other Specials videos last night while looking for " Nelson Mandela , " so " ( What I Like Most About You Is Your ) Girlfriend " has been going through my head all day , as well . For that matter , " All That Ever Mattered " by Orange Juice has been floating around in my mind since some time last week . I haven 't heard that album in quite some time - - possibly even a couple of years . I don 't know what that 's about . So am I alone in this tunnel vision I experience when I 've got something that needs doing ? Does anybody else get their mind in one place and leave it there ? It looks like we weren 't the only ones intrigued by Blago 's self - identification with great men of the twentieth century . Today in The World , they put up their own juxtaposition of snippets of speeches from those heroes , spiced with a little bit of Blago at the end . Go take a listen , see if he rises to that company . And just in case you 're like me and that twenty seconds of outro music they offered isn 't enough , you 're welcome . As I mentioned the other night , Blago 's really turning up the entertainment factor these days . Can he possibly give us his own take on the We won 't have him to kick around anymore line ? He certainly seems to be working on it . Last night I was thinking about what possible strategy he could have going into his impeachment . By not even showing up to present a defense at his trial in the Illinois Senate , he seems to be adopting some sort of Gandhian nonresistance tactic . Gandhi certainly had good ideas - - when an overclass , or bullies of any sort , really , attack people without provocation , the injustice of the attack can be illuminated when the victim refuses to fight back . That idea was used to very great effect in colonial India and in the U . S . Civil Eights movement . If that 's what Blago was thinking , I wasn 't sure it would be particularly effective given his circumstances , but sure enough , there he was this morning on the Today Show comparing himself to Gandhi , Martin Luther King , and Nelson Mandela . I 'm not sure that he really has anything much in common with any of them , but somebody should point out to the governor that each of those people were fighting for some larger cause , some greater good . They were willing to sacrifice themselves for something better . But what is Rod Blagojevich 's beyond . . . well , Rod Blagojevich ? Even if he 's willing to allow himself to be martyred for the cause , what does he actually get out of it ? How does that work in his benefit ? Maybe he 'll explain all on The View . ( Actually , I wonder what he 's even thinking in going on The View ? Is he expecting allies there ? As highly publicized as the differences between the various personalities on that show have been , Blago might just be the one thing that brings them together . ) These deadlines just don 't seem to go away , do they ? I 'm still plugging on my work project ( which is a book on the Texas Longhorn football team , if anyone seems to be interested ) , so I 'm borrowing very heavily from Think Progress . In a post called " Obama 's First 100 Hours : A Clean Break From Bush , " it lists eight areas - - regulations , Iraq , diplomacy , torture , Guantanamo , transparency , revolving door , and women 's rights - - in which the Obama administration has changed the rules from the way the Bushies did things . Go take a look at some of the details of what it looks like to have a new president . What else to the Obamites need to do ? Now that things are slowing down in Washington and the government is actually starting to get things done , the spotlight can come back to Illinois . Rod Blagojevish is certainly doing what he can to grab it back . He 's on a bit of a what 's been called a " media blitz , " trying to . . . well , I 'm not entirely sure what he 's trying to do . He 's telling everybody why he 's not going to defend himself during his impeachment - - that would be an " impeachable offense , " he said to the AP . He also fell back on the old SAT analogy gimmick and claimed , " Dec . 9 to my family , to us , to me , is what Pearl Harbor Day was to the United States . " That seemed like a stretch to me , until I remembered Patrick Fitzgerald coming in low in that Japanese Zero . At a later press conference , he argued that the legislature was acting like a posse trying to decide whether to hang him before or after a trial . That trial starts in the Senate on Monday , but as we mentioned above , Blago 's not going to be there . Instead , he 's going on the road . He 'll be appearing on Good Morning , America and The View . What 's he going to get out of that ? I have no idea . Does he have some sort of plan for how this works in his favor ? Beats me - - nothing obvious comes to mind . But if this is a successful strategy then . . . I guess I 'll be very surprised . Another development for Blago today seems just as mysterious and inexplicable . His lead lawyer , Edward Genson , is pulling out . Not surprisingly , Genson isn 't forthcoming about his reasons , but he does provide the cryptic statement : " I never require a client to do what I say . But I do require them to at least listen . " So where is Blago diverting from the plan ? Do his lawyers want him to fight impeachment ? Are there legal issues concerning the expected upcoming criminal trial ? Stay tuned . For all the sturm und drang surrounding Rick Warren 's inauguration invocation , I haven 't heard that much about it . I was beginning to think that it was something of an anticlimax , which may have been just as well if it was simply going to fade away and disappear . Our pal Don Byrd , though , brought up a point about Warren 's contribution that hadn 't occurred to me . Don blogs for the Baptist Joint Committee , a group that lobbies the government on religious liberty and in support of the separation of church and state ( a position that wasn 't always as counterintuitive for Baptists as it seems to be today ) . Don was on the Mall , and he objected to Warren 's inclusion of The Lord 's Prayer in his presentation . But something about it bothered me even more than the fact of such Christian content being inserted in a prayer for hearing by a national audience of many religious faiths . I think it was this : It appeared that Warren took the ceremonial opportunity , with the nation 's attention on him , to truly and bluntly divide the audience . Recitation of The Lord 's Prayer by clergy is a liturgical tradition that typically invites participation . As he began , the audience - in the midst of a hopefully unifying national moment - was instantly split into those who knew and honored that specific prayer and joined in , and those who did not , who had to remain silent . It nearly evoked the public school recitations of the 1950s and 60s in alienating a portion of an audience that is there for something altogether different than a religious experience . . . . One reader emailed me that viewing on TV , his impression was that the audience - which largely did not take Warren up on this implicit offer - had " rebuffed " the invitation . Where I was standing , too , some spoke along out loud , but most did not . I suspect that many were in the same position that I found myself , caught between religious convictions that text to be solemn and sacred - and worth reciting as an expression of my faith , and my sense that it was not the occasion for such an expressiposted by Doug @ 11 : 51 PM 0 comments Yeah , yeah . What else is new . On his Friday show , Limbaugh publicly hoped for Barack Obama 's failure . Now , if we learned anything from the previous administration , it 's that ill will toward the chief executive translates to ill will toward the country as a whole . I expect the ringing condemnation from the rest of the conservative movement to begin any moment now . But on a more realistic note , if Obama fails , chances are that he brings the rest of us along with him . After all , was Bush 's failure over the past eight years his own , or did it reflect back on the rest of us ? Can America prosper if Obama fails ? Limbaugh 's obviously grabbing for headlines , and he 's displaying that he and his cohorts have no plans on rising above partisanship or seeking common solutions . And , of course , I don 't expect there were very many out there who were expecting anything other than that . But as the right goes back to its more comfortable position in its sniper 's nest , I 've been wondering if there 's really anybody out there who knows how to move forward constructively . Over the last several years , conservatives never seemed happy to hold the reigns of power . That gave them the responsibility to make constructive contributions to the nation , and they didn 't really seem to have it in them . I 'm talking about more than just conservatives , though . What started me along this line of thinking was a maneuver by Democrats in the Tennessee legislature , which had just shifted to a 50 - 49 Republican majority . Instead of allowing the Republicans elect their choice for House speaker , the Democrats usurped the process and put all their votes for speaker behind an obscure Republican backbencher who also voted for himself . When first heard about that , I 'll admit that I smiled , but then I got to thinking about how , by being obstructionist , the Democrats were getting the way of any real accomplishment . National Republicans ( and the radio talkers who love them ) are plotting to do the exact same thing in Washington . That 's not what we need now . Barack Obama , posted by Doug @ 2 : 35 PM 2 comments I 'm still on deadline , so not much discussion today . I 'm glad to see Obama coming in , but I 'm more concerned at the moment about what surprises , if any ( See ? That 's me being optimistic ) , the current resident has in store while he 's still got the power . Not much longer , though . Last night I ( and a number of other bloggers ) posted a clip of Pete Seeger and Bruce Springsteen singing " This Land Is Your Land " at the Lincoln Memorial for the Barack Obama inauguration concert . I hope you got to see it - - if you didn 't , it 's too late now . One of the verses they sang went : A great , high wall there that tried to stop me , A great big sign there said , " Private Property , " But on the other side , it didn 't say nothing , That side was made for you and me . That side may have been made for you and me , but the front of the " Private Property " side belongs exclusively to HBO , and they won 't let you see the clip . Sorry , but I 've got no pithy punch line to make the irony even more lacerating . Fortunately , however , thanks to a commenter at Crooked Timber and the reality of the global marketplace , we 've got a replacement . The video isn 't as clear as before , and it 's leaking into the blogroll ( sorry for those of you browsing on IE ) , but that 's not the point . Kudos to German news channel N24 for helping make sure that this land is your land once again . As my father might say , Poe would 've been 200 years old today if he hadn 't died . I didn 't realize that this was coming up , but there seem to be tons of activities in celebration ( although some of them have already gone past ) . Here 's a Poe bicentennial blog , a list of activities in Baltimore , another Baltimore site , a site for activities in Virginia , the Edgar Allen Poe National Historic Site in Philadelphia from the National Park Service , and a fairly extensive list that probably includes all of those places I 've named and more . At the very least , go buy his stamp , which was just released on Friday . Happy Birthday , Edgar ! Here 's to another 200 years just like the first . UPDATE : The video doesn 't work . Here 's an explanation and a replacement . Although I 'm glad to see Bush going away and Obama coming in , I haven 't been getting caught up in all the excitement surrounding the inauguration . It 's more important to wait and see what Obama does rather than to party around his arrival . Still , I caught some of today 's concert at the Lincoln Memorial on HBO and had to share this little morsel . I 've always been partial to this song , but to see the pure joy Pete Seeger brings to leading the crowd in singing it in this context brings actual tears to my eyes . Pete 's 89 , by the way , and to get a sense of the history he brings to the occasion , here 's a picture of him playing for Eleanor Roosevelt and friends 65 years ago . By the way , although you probably recognize one of these guys , Pete is flanked by his grandson , Tao Rodriguez - Seeger , and Bruce Springsteen . You 'd think it might be nice after all these years to see John Lennon once again jumping into the fray and making public statements . But , oddly , it 's not . It might have something to do with him having been dead for nearly thirty years . Or it may be that he 's weighing in on something he knows nothing about . A group called One Laptop per Child has licensed John to be their spokesman . Perhaps they did this by pulling out their Ouija boards , or maybe they just talked to Yoko . I mention the Ouija board because they 're not just using a photo or suggesting that this is something that he might 've supported if he 'd still been with us . No , they 've actually got him hawking the product in his own voice ( or at least their attempt at a reasonable facsimile ) , imagining a world where every poor child has a laptop ( I suppose it 's easy , if you try ) . John has often been called a visionary , but I 'm not sure he actually foresaw the development of laptop computer technology . In fact , I 'd guess that the word didn 't even exist during his lifetime ( not with that meaning , anyway ) . This might be a worthy enterprise ( although I remember Newt Gingrich calling for something similar a dozen or so years ago ) , but I find it awfully off - putting for them to push it in this way . Of course , maybe I 'm wrong . Is anybody lining up to donate ? Here 's an intriguing development in the Blago impeachment . Claiming that the Illinois Senate had set up an impossible situation for the governor , Blago 's lawyers are planning to sit out the impeachment trial . Blago will apparently face his accusers and jury alone . Here 's what the Sun - Times had to say : Lead defense lawyer Ed Genson said the governor instructed him not to show up . " I think the rules the Senate adopted are unfair , " Genson said . Lawyer Sam Adam Jr . said neither he nor his father will be there , either . Genson , Adam and Sam Adam Sr . comprise the bulk the of governor 's legal team . " It 's a kangaroo court , " Adam said . " You can 't possibly get any fairness out of it . It 's completely un - American . " Adam said the trial was akin to a " lynching " and likened tactics by senators to those used at Guantanamo Bay . At least they 're not resorting to exaggeration . Will this move garner Blago any sympathy ? Will we all feel bad for him being unfairly railroaded , and will we then rise up to demand a stop ? Or will we just sit back , watch him found guilty , and wait for him to be run out of office ? I 'm betting the latter . I was intending to mention this yesterday , but I 'm on deadline at work again , so I didn 't have the time . And , in fact , I 'm exhausted tonight and need to go to bed , so I won 't have as much to say about this as I 'd like to , but on Wednesday , we got a replay of last week 's Illinois House impeachment vote . This time , though , it was 117 - 1 ( the sole no vote coming from Blago 's wife 's sister ) . I 'm not exactly sure of the red tape that required a second vote , but it had something to do with this being a new legislature - - the previous vote was made by outgoing legislators , and this one was made by those who won their November elections ; there 's a huge overlap , of course , but some representatives ( such as Deborah Mell , Blago 's sister - in - law ) are brand , spanking new . Another feature to the vote this time is that Blago himself was nearby , swearing in the new Illinois state senators . These are the people who will hear the impeachment trial and decide whether he continues in office or not . Most every report I saw or heard claimed that the atmosphere was awkward . I guess . Blago continued his recent string of quotes , though , but I swear every time I hear him repeat Lincoln 's words , I expect him to end up paraphrasing , instead : " With malice toward none , and charity toward me . " The impeachment trial is expected to start in about a week and a half on Monday , January 26 . Given how he handled the Burris appointment , I suspect we can pretty much expect him to try to pull something before then . Possibly the coolest actor who ever walked , Patrick McGoohan , died on Tuesday at age 80 . It 's gratifying to see that the vast majority of notices of his passing put The Prisoner right there in the headline . Most everything he did was great , and he was always very effective , but The Prisoner , which McGoohan co - created , produced , and ( on some episodes ) wrote , and directed , was what made him a visionary . If you haven 't seen it ( there are only 17 episodes ) , AMC has made it available for viewing ( as part of what I can only imagine is a very unfortunate decision to remake it ) . One question fans have always speculated on is whether The Prisoner is somehow a continuation of McGoohan 's previous series , Secret Agent . For my money , there 's only one thing you need to know . The lyric to Secret Agent 's theme song stated , " They 've given you a number and taken away your name . " One of the main catch phrases of the Prisoner is the insistence by McGoohan 's character , known only as Number 6 , " I am not a number ! I am a free man ! " As just a point of personal preference ( it is my blog , after all ) , I noticed on one of my earliest visits to Mrs . Talk Talk Talk Talk Talk 's house ( when she was still pre - Mrs . Talk Talk Talk Talk Talk , of course ) that she was the proud owner of a Number 6 badge . It 's not true that I married her just for that badge , but it certainly didn 't hurt . When last we checked in on Roland Burris , he didn 't quite have the precise paperwork the Senate was demanding for him to be seated . Dick Durbin was suggesting that maybe it would be better for everybody to simply wait until the Rod Blagojevich impeachment had run its course . It was just the latest reversal since Blagojevich was first arrested for trying to sell the empty Senate seat . Democratic senators had vowed en masse that they wouldn 't seat whatever candidate Blago named , and they stood by that for a little while after Blago actually put his imprimatur on Burris . But then when Burris actually showed up and demanded to be seated , Harry Reid and the Democratic leadership started to waiver . Okay , they relented , maybe we 'll seat Burris if he can complete a couple of simple tasks . The first really was simple : that Burris testify before the Illinois House committee investigating Blago . The second , though , easy as it may have seemed , proved more complicated . Burris needed to get the Illinois secretary of state to sign off on his appointment . But Jesse White had refused and intended to continue to refuse to add his signature to Burris 's paperwork . That 's where we left off , with Durbin saying maybe it wasn 't such a done deal after all . It should hardly come as a surprise now , of course , that the Senate Democrats have caved completely ( they had to do something to prove they were still Senate Democrats , didn 't they ? ) . Burris was able to get White to sign a reasonable enough facsimile that Reid and Durbin set aside their reservations and decided to welcome him with open arms . He 'll be sworn in on Thursday . So what next ? Not much , is my guess . While he 'll be one more vote for the Democrats ( and their almost almost filibuster - proof majority ) , he 'll otherwise be pretty invisible , I suspect . He 'll have almost no seniority , and he 'll never fully escape the Blago stain that got him where he is ( or soon will be ) . I 'll be very surprised if Burris doesn 't run for a full term in two years . State Republicans are already licking theiposted by Doug @ 1 : 57 AM 1 comments Well , not so pressing right now . A little while ago , though . . . We 've had a weird problem with our Volkswagen Jetta since almost forever . Unfortunately ( or maybe fortunately ) , we haven 't had it consistently , so we 've never been able to solve it . Sometimes when it 's very , very cold , we 'll start the car - - which has automatic transmission - - and then we can 't get it out of park and into gear . It 's not as locked as if we try to get it out of gear without holding down the break - - there 's a bit more play - - but it 's the same sensation . Sometimes it freezes for only a minute or two , but sometimes it lasts longer . I want to say that the longest has been about 12 minutes ; I don 't think I 've ever had to wait a full 15 . However , when you 're just sitting there in the cold , it sure seems like a lot longer . We 've tried to take the car in to be checked , but the transmission has never frozen when someone is right there to try to diagnose the problem . Lately , though , it 's gotten a bit more annoying . If I 'm coming home from work , shuddering with concern that I 'm going to have to sit in the car while it decides to get into gear , it 'll shift right in with no problem . But , if I need to stop somewhere on the way home - - the grocery store , say - - it 'll freeze up when I get back in the car . Although it may not have had time to warm up completely , it certainly should be warmer after having run for a few minutes and then sat for a few minutes than it is after sitting all day . My experience tonight was even more annoying . The transmission hesitated for a second or two but went into gear OK , but then I had to stop for gas . I drove for about five minutes and then pulled into a gas station . It 's in around 0 degrees outside , so I certainly didn 't linger at the gas station . Maybe it took five minutes to fill the tank . But when I was back in the car , it took six or seven minutes to get it out of park . We 've got no idea of what might be going on . Does this sound familiar to anyone ? Any ideas at all ? The news came around lunch time , and boy , was it ever welcome . After 14 years of eligibility with no results , Boston Red Sox Jim Rice was finally elected into the Hall of Fame on his last year of eligibility . Rice was a powerful force on the Red Sox during the 1970s and ' 80s , and , maybe because that 's the period when I first started paying close attention to doings around Fenway , he was always one of my favorite players . He was certainly something to be reckoned with when and Freddie Lynn were rookies together in 1975 , and then when you threw Yaz , Pudge , and so many others into the mix , that was a team worth paying attention to . I was a teenager , so I can 't say that I was always consistent , but there were certainly days on which he was my absolute favorite player . Rice was a dominant hitter , but he didn 't quite play well enough quite long enough to be a lock for the HOF . He was 18 home runs shy of 400 , 49 RBIs shy of 1 , 500 , 48 hits shy of 2 , 500 , and 2 points shy of a lifetime . 300 average ( care of baseball - reference . com ) . A little bit higher on any two or three of those would have been all he needed , but he didn 't have it , so he had to wait . Players need to appear on 75 percent of baseball writers ' ballots to make it in , and last year he made it to 70 - - close , but not close enough . Twenty previous players who hit the 70 percent threshold made it up to 75 percent the next year , so I was optimistic , but you never can tell . This has nothing to do with stats ( although it has everything to do with why he deserves to be in the hall ) , but one of my most prominent Jim Rice memories highlights a demonstration of his sheer power . I can 't find an actual link at the moment ( although there are other people talking about it ) , but Rice had such pure strength that he once broke a bat on a check swing - - he stopped the bat handle from going around , but the end of the bat had such force that it couldn 't be slowed . It 's my understanding that he 's not the only major leaguer to have accomplished such a feat , but he 's the only one who 's amposted by Doug @ 11 : 43 PM 9 comments As the economic news just gets worse and worse , there 's been some concern that Obama 's stimulus plan isn 't strong or robust enough to adequately tackle the problem . This post from TomP at Daily Kos provides a nice summation of the various worries Obama has faced . I pay particular attention to the opinions of Nobel Prize - winning economists Joseph Stiglitz and Paul Krugman . But throughout the campaign , Obama often seemed to be underplaying a situation , not doing enough to address it , only to demonstrate that his detractors were seriously underestimating both his intentions and his abilities . Is that what 's going on here ? Nate Silver , in spelling out Obama 's Price Is Right negotiating strategy , says it is . He answers the question of whether Obama should 've expected push back from Senate Democrats with another question : My question is : can Obama really be entirely surprised that this is happening ? Before you answer , consider who we haven 't heard very much from the past couple of days . We haven 't heard very much from Mitch McConnell . And we haven 't heard very much from the Blue Dogs . Nobody seems ( publicly ) to be taking the position that the $ 800 billion is too much , at least provided that it comes with $ 300 billion of tax cuts . Now consider what Obama told CNBC the other day : Obama also confirmed that he plans to lay out a roughly $ 775 billion economic stimulus plan on Thursday but indicated that the amount could grow once it gets taken up by Congress . " We 've seen ranges from $ 800 ( billion ) to $ 1 . 3 trillion , " he said . " And our attitude was that given the legislative process , if we start towards the low end of that , we 'll see how it develops . " Obama isn 't picking these numbers out on accident . This range - - $ 800 billion to $ 1 . 3 trillion - - is most likely the range of outcomes that his administration considers acceptable . He says that " given the legislative process " , he 's deliberately chosen a number on the lower end of that range . What does this mean ? It means he wants the Senate Democrats to do his dirty work for him . All ofposted by Doug @ 11 : 48 PM 0 comments I didn 't get a chance to write about this yesterday evening or this morning , but shortly after I wrote that I was losing interest in the Burris controversy , the Illinois Supreme Court went and made me start paying attention again . Harry Reid and Dick Durbin had apparently sent Burris home with a simple two - part plan to be accepted by the Senate . Burris needed to testify before the Illinois House Investigative Committee on his dealings with Rod Blagojevich , and he needed to get Secretary of State Jesse White 's signature on the appointment from the governor . White has all along refused to sign , basically taking the position that he wouldn 't support any appointment from Blagojevich . Burris took the matter to the Illinois Supreme Court , which didn 't provide the clear - cut victory he sought . The court wouldn 't force White to sign the document , but it also ruled that White 's signature was not necessary to make it official . White has the legal duty to record the appointment , and he 's done that . Durbin came out yesterday and said that they 'd asked for White 's signature on Burris 's appointment , and that 's what they still demanded . So , there we are . Everything 's in play , again . Durbin even suggested that maybe the best thing to do would be to wait for Blago 's impeachment trial to finish . Yeah , maybe that 's not such a bad idea , at that . By now , however , the Senate leadership has drawn a number of lines in the sand over this . They weren 't going to seat anyone appointed by Blago , but then maybe they could work something out with Burris . Now , however , they 've backed themselves into a corner , and they don 't seem to know the way out of it . I find it humorous to some extent , but then I remember that Reid and Durbin are the ones who 'll be leading the fight for Obama 's plans against the Republicans . That wipes the smile right off my face . The buzz seemed to be that they 'd get to this later in the day , but the Illinois House wasted little time this morning in impeaching Governor Rod Blagojevich . The vote was 114 - 1 , with 3 abstentions . Not surprisingly , Blago has few friends in Springfield . For his part , the governor talked tough and claimed he was looking forward to the impeachment trial in the Senate . As I recall , part of the calculus for voting for Blago last time around was that , sure , we all knew he was iffy , but when he got drummed out , Lieutenant Governor Pat Quinn would step in , and he 'd be pretty good . Now that it 's playing out in precisely that manner , there 's not that much surprise - - we should be able to go back to business as usual with a new governor by mid - February or so . Interestingly , although Illinois has had its share ( or more ? ) of governors who have gone to jail , this is the first time the House has actually impeached one . I guess that it just goes to show that illegality isn 't necessarily an impediment to getting the job done . Even though I 've been writing about it , I can 't say I 'm that enthused one way or another , at this point , though . My main interest was in avoiding Blago 's CYA Senate pick , but Roland Burris seems like a pretty done deal . There could still be some action there - - Harry Reid says that Illinois Secretary of State Jesse White must sign the appropriate certification for Burris 's appointment , and White is refusing to sign any appointment from Blagojevich , so there 's something of a stand - off . White claims that his signature is not necessary and that Reid is just trying to shift responsibility to someone else . If Reid is so dead set on caving , he shouldn 't insist others cave along with him ( although it 's often been said that spinelessness loves company , or something like that ) . If White has the power to stand in the way of Burris 's appointment ( he doesn 't claim that he does , and I tend to doubt it , too ) , then count me standing beside him . As for the impeachment itself , it 'll go through its regularly scheduled paces . Blago posted by Doug @ 1 : 38 PM 0 comments Blago is one step closer to having to hit the road , as a Illinois House Investigative Committee voted unanimously ( 21 - 0 ) to recommend impeachment of Governor Rod Blagojevich to the entire House . The full House might ( read probably will ) get a crack at the issue on Friday , and odds are very high that they 'll send articles of impeachment over to the Senate . Blago 's not impressed , and he figures he 'll do better in the Senate . His only real justification for that belief is that Senate action will be presided over by a judge . Yeah , he 's got nothing . On a positive note , a Blago spokesperson has promised that the governor would not resign before the House vote , so he 'll either be impeached or not . That might not sound so positive , I agree , except didn 't Blago at one point after his arrest indicate that he had no plans to name Obama 's replacement ? We all know how that turned out . The Chicago Tribune reports : The committee based its vote on a lengthy report detailing a litany of alleged abuses of the governor 's power . The list includes Blagojevich expanding health care without legislative approval , spending state money on useless flu vaccines , refusing to release federal subpoenas and other government information to the public , widespread hiring abuses and pay - to - play activities in which big contributors often wound up with hefty state contracts . If you 're interested in getting your own glimpse of the resolution , you 'll find it here . We were speaking of the Senate last night , and that reminded me that Mitch McConnell is all of a sudden worried about everybody getting equal representation . It 's amazing what having one 's minority status shrink even further can do to one . But he said something to George Stephanopoulos on Sunday that didn 't quite sit right with me : Look , I think everyone knows that half the American public is represented by a Republican senator . Wait a minute . Republicans often win in large , sparsely populated states , like Wyoming or Idaho . Democrats win in hugely populated places like California and New York . That can 't be true , can it ? Via Yglesias , I found James Surowiecki of The New Yorker , who claimed that , after doing " a quick - and - dirty calculation , " Republicans senators represented about 37 percent of the public . Somehow , though , that didn 't quite sound right , either . Those who know me realize that , in the right mood , I can be a bit of a stickler in these kinds of situations . So I did the math myself , just to see what I came up with . As much as it pains me to say so , McConnell is technically correct . Just over 50 percent of the population is represented by one or two Republican senators ( 24 . 5 are represented by two Republicans and 25 . 8 are represented by a Republican and a Democrat ) . Of course , because everyone is represented by two senators , the percentages don 't neatly add up to 100 percent . On the Democratic side , 75 . 3 percent of Americans are represented by at least one Democratic senator . I gave you the number of people represented by both a Democrat and a Republican , but that leaves 49 . 5 percent of the population who are represented only by Democratic senators . So I guess that Mitch McConnell can continue to make his claim , but he next time he does , Harry Reid should point out that Democrats represent 3 out of 4 Americans . It was certainly exciting to see Roland Burris turned away from the Senate floor . I 've never had anything against Burris , although lately it has been getting on my nerves that he seems to have no idea why anyone would question his credentials just because he was appointed by a corrupt governor who less than a month ago was arrested for trying to sell the very seat he 's trying to claim - - why would anything think that one thing had anything to do with the other ? Unfortunately , it seems that the Democratic leadership is acting true to form and , after making what they claimed was a strong and principled stand against Rod Blagojevich 's manipulations , are getting ready to cave and accept Blago 's candidate . Oh well , it was fun while it lasted . Blogger has been giving me real trouble tonight , so I 'll keep this short . Instead of books , shirts , DVDs , etc . , I should 've asked for a Democratic leadership with a spine . Just a few days ago , one of the most important things Congress could do was prepare a stimulus package to be on President Obama 's desk the day that he 's sworn in . Now , however , maybe it 's not quite so vital . Surely it will be fine if we can get this by February . Why ? Because Republicans are dragging their feet ( boy , was that unexpected ! ) , and Democrats are willing ( once again ) to cave . Although Democrats appear to have the numbers , they seem determined to let Republicans control the agenda . After all , there are only nearly 50 percent more Democrats than Republicans in the Senate - - how can they Dems possibly stop them ? Mitch McConnell doesn 't want to move quickly - - no matter what the cost of delay might be to the economy - - and we wouldn 't want to upset Mitch McConnell , would we ? Santa , is it too late for some kind of trade ? Faithful reader RT sent along a link to an essay in this morning 's Globe and Mail out of Toronto on the new developments in Gaza . Written by a former Canadian ambassador to Israel , Egypt , and Jordan , it 's an intriguing examination of the situation that doesn 't look through the prism of American politics . Unfortunately , it 's not chock - full of optimism , either . The imbalance of casualties in the tragic confrontation between Hamas and Israel is stark . Hundreds of Palestinians have been killed or injured , from toddlers to the aged . Television footage suggests almost all are innocents . . . . The Israeli government was placed in an impossible situation when Hamas refused to renew its six - month - old ceasefire on Dec . 19 . From that day on , Hamas has laid down an array of rockets and increasingly sophisticated missiles , with a range reaching Ashdod and Beersheva , some 46 kilometres away from the Gaza border . This raises the question whether Tel Aviv itself could be vulnerable . Even the most placid of governments would have to react in order to survive . And the Israelis have done so , massively . ELECTION PENDINGIsrael will hold a general election on Feb . 10 . Most polls show that the right - wing Likud opposition leader and former prime minister Benjamin Netanyahu is likely to come to power . A weak - willed reaction to Hamas 's rocket attacks would have exposed the present government to sharp criticism from Mr . Netanyahu , against the background of a frustrated and angry populace . It would have opened the governing coalition 's departing Prime Minister Ehud Olmert , Foreign Minister Tzipi Livni , the Kadima Party 's new leader , and , most of all , Ehud Barak , the Defence Minister and Leader of the formerly dominant Labour Party , to devastating criticism and their portrayal as leaders unable to safeguard their country 's most basic interests . Inaction would have meant humiliation for Mr . Olmert , electoral defeat for Ms . Livni and the end of Mr . Barak 's political career . . . . Many politicians and military commanders have limited objectives . Theposted by Doug @ 10 : 11 PM 2 comments With the New Year 's weekend bringing an end to the holiday season , we at Talk Talk Talk Talk Talk central are feeling a little bit worse for wear . I started feeling achy more than a week ago , but everything seemed fine on Monday as we came back into town . The aches started again that night , and then they were slowly joined by a sore throat . I wasn 't feeling well enough to go out on Wednesday night , though I did have some champagne at home . I 'm doing mostly better now , but even at that I slept a bit over eight hours last night and then had a three - hour nap this afternoon . Mrs . Talk Talk Talk Talk Talk has had this same kind of thing going on and off for a few days herself , and it 's a bit more at the on end tonight . Other relatives have been experiencing the same kind of thing , and it seems to be going around our condo complex , as well . I 've been more homebound than not , so I don 't know how friends around town have been doing , but it wouldn 't surprise me if it 's much the same . This isn 't exactly the most promising way to ring in a new year , although for all its advantages and the audacious hope we 've got , I have to admit I don 't have real high expectations for 2009 . The economy shows no real sign of turning around , and I suspect that we 'll have a few more " unexpected " drops before we 're all over . Am I wrong ? I hope so . We 'll just have to wait and see . I 've been ignoring it - - because who wants to worry about corrupt politicians during the holiday season ? - - but the Rod Blagojevich situation has been heating up . I can 't say I 'm surprised that , even after promising that he wouldn 't , he named an appointment to Obama 's empty senate seat . Anybody who didn 't see that coming should be banned from the annual pundit cookout and slumber party . He 's a crook ! Were we actually supposed to expect him to keep his word ? There was every reason for him to claim the cloak of gubernatorial respectability by performing his gubernatorial duties . Up until Tuesday , I would 've said that Roland Burris was perfectly qualified to be senator , but now I 've got serious doubts about his judgment . He actually said with a straight face that he doesn 't think he should be tainted because Blago 's been having trouble . When the trouble Bloago 's been having is that he 's trying to sell the senate seat , by definition , any appointment he makes is tainted . Sorry Roland , it was tainted before you ever got there , so your taking it isn 't enough to untaint it . There have been various arguments about whether Blago 's appointment can be legally thwarted , but I 'm partial to this one in Slate by professors from Yale and Cornell . One good thing that Blago 's action might produce this week is to hurry the Illinois legislature into pursuing his impeachment . House Speaker Mike Madigan has asked legislators to return early to hear the report from the committee investigating just that . Thanks , Rod . They needed a fire under them .
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It won 't be long now , less than a week and we should have rabbit kits again . We need to butcher the grow outs , but we 've been so busy lately running to doctor appointments and getting the garden ready and building another pantry cabinet with so much sanding my arms will never be the same . And that 's with an electric sander . Today I did a ton of work in the garden . The husband fixed the two beds that were coming apart at one corner and reinforced a couple other corners for good measure . We put netting over the onion bed because of the squirrels digging up everything problem we have each spring . Not to mention the escape artist chickens that always manage to end up in the one garden bed you don 't want them in . I got all of the beds weeded and took the plastic off the herb bed to see what had made it , then transplanted everything that had into a different garden bed . I want to have herbs and medicinal flowers all in one big bed this year . We topped off one of the narrow beds to bring the soil level back up and I will be transplanting the strawberries into it . We will need to bring the soil level up in the other two narrow beds and one more of the big beds . One pickup load of soil ought to do it . I picked up an amazing amount of garbage out of the garden . Mostly broken pots , plant labels , and empty soil bags . I obviously got lazy last summer at some point . Oh , wait , when I pulled a muscle in my back , that 's right . So I didn 't get around to proper clean up . It was all I could do to water and harvest and the husband worked 5 weeks straight with no days off and wasn 't home at all to help me . We still have to roll up the plastic that was over the hoops we used this winter and put it away . I 'm not sure exactly where we will store it . Maybe behind the garage . I 'm not sure I will bother with covering more than the herb bed next year and just use the little umbrella greenhouse to have lettuce and kale for as long as possible . Once the snow hit , it caved most of them in and smothered the plants anyway . We 'll need better hoops before we consider covering so many beds again . The husband is going to build a stand for me to set a large sprinkler on so it will be above the level of the raised beds and we will water the garden that way this year . Since I won 't be growing tomatoes or peppers in the back yard garden , I don 't have to worry about water getting on the leaves and getting blight . It 'll make things so much easier to just turn one sprinkler on for 20 minutes a couple times a week during the heat of the summer and be done with it . He 's also going to put legs on a screened box we have and that will be our veggie cleaning station where I can spray the dirt off before bringing it into the house . I am propagating basil off the stuff growing in the Aerogarden . I want to have lots of healthy , good - sized basil plants to put out in May when the time comes . I have both sweet basil and Genovese basil . I will also want to plant Thai basil and purple basil , but those I will have to buy . I will buy one plant of each and do cuttings from those as well to make new plants , but they won 't have those out until late May , probably . I am ready for real spring to be here . Not this I 'm still really winter in sheep 's clothing nonsense we 've been seeing . Although it has gotten much better this week , I won 't plant more than cold season crops because I still don 't trust it . Last night we were able to get the new canning cabinet into the house . Although we finished it on Sunday , we had to wait for the snow to melt to bring it from the garage to the house . Of course , first we had to unload the old bookcase , then move it into my bedroom so it could go back to being used as a bookcase . Then my husband and son brought it up on its side on the green machine ( which is a big gardening wagon , so it didn 't get dragged through the mud and turkey , duck , and chicken poo that our birds always so lovingly leave right in the middle of the sidewalk . Once it got manhandled into place , we were able to fill it . It held quite a bit more than I thought it would . It was quite a workout taking all those jars down and then putting them all back on again . I feel like I did an arm day at the gym yesterday or something . It is perfect , though . It is exactly what I wanted . I can 't wait to get the other cabinets built . We will be able to store so much more now , and once they are all done , have a place to put empty jars , too , until we need them again . My husband and I decided that this might be a nice little side - income thing in the future , too . If we can continue to get the free wood ( and we 've got a great source ) and only have to put time and the $ 18 . 20 for 2 x 4 's and screws per cabinet into it , we could turn quite a nice profit . The first one took us 8 hours to do with two people working . I think we can get that down now that we know what we are doing . If we switch to nails and a nail gun , we could probably do it quite a lot faster . But that would require buying a nail gun and an air compressor . We 've been thinking about that anyway , though . There are so many times when it would have come in handy and made our lives easier . We have also batted around selling the plans for making them for a small amount , like $ 5 . I mean , the videos I made are available for free if people want to figure it out from those , but actual plans and an ingredients list ( as I call it ) might be more appealing to some people and since my husband 's original college training was in architecture , he can draw up blueprints and design plans easily enough . We 'll see , though . Hopefully he will get hired soon and I won 't have to worry about things like side income to help out as we continue to deplete our savings . My other blog and my youtube channel are starting to earn some money now , but it is certainly not enough to make up for not having his income anymore . Hopefully he will find work soon . I think I will clip some rabbit toenails and then breed some of them tomorrow . Probably Bonfire and Ruby . Possibly Serenity . We 'll see . I always do full health checks on them before breeding to make sure there are no issues before putting the stress of pregnancy on them . I also need to do sex determinations on the youngest litter and start on weaning the boys . My husband cleaned the grow out cages so we can get that done now . If we get a nice day we need to butcher the older litter . Because of the weather it has been hard to plan for a good day to do it . It wouldn 't matter so much if the roof had gotten put back on the butcher station when it blew off in late fall , but it hasn 't . So doing it in the rain is not a lot of fun . Doing it in the snow is not an option and it is supposed to snow again tomorrow . Hopefully we 'll get one nice day soon without a ton of snow on the ground and we can get it taken care of . In other news , we lost Zoe on Saturday . It was sad as she was a very good duck and we tried pretty hard to save her , but I had a feeling she was going to die . After a while of homesteading , you kind of get a sense of these things and how poorly they are doing towards the end . At least she had some good baths before she went . I will miss him as he was the sweetest buck ever , but we don 't need 4 bucks . Well , at least not when 3 of them are whites . If I get a broken red buck out of the next breedings with Zander and Ruby or Zander and Bonfire , I may keep him . If I get a broken red doe , I will definitely keep her . As much as I 'd like to have one from Cinnabun and Zander , she has partial cataracts and I don 't want to have those genetics in the rabbitry . Even though she is a big old love of a rabbit and is a fantastic mother , both traits I would like to pass on . One of the problems with my old canning shelves is that they are really just bookcases . I can 't do much to adjust the height of each shelf and I either have to stack my jars on top of each other , which is not advisable for a lot of reasons , or waste a lot of space . It has been frustrating , because in order to store the number of filled jars I have , I do end up having to stack them . This can lead to tumbles off the shelf as well as making the jar that is stacked on unseal itself . Now I 've only actually had the jars unseal twice . It is something I am religious about checking before using any food . And we 've had jars fall off the shelves before more than a few times , but so far nothing has ever broken . It was well past time that we did something about it , but we couldn 't spend a lot of money on it . Well , the cost to us of building a canning cabinet that is 6 feet high with shelves spaced one inch higher than my tallest canning jar apart all the way up , is shaking out at $ 18 . 20 . $ 10 . 08 for 4 2 x 4 's , and $ 6 . 67 for a third of a 2 lb box of screws , and the remainder $ 1 . 46 in sales tax . Our county is ridiculously high with the sales tax at 8 . 7 % . Still , under $ 20 for a 6 foot by 3 foot by 2 foot , solid wood cabinet is nothing to sneeze at . How did we manage to do that , you may be asking yourself ? We made a huge score of very nice , free , wooden pallets last fall , with the wood spaced in such a way that a vast majority of it was salvageable . We could only get boards no longer than 27 inches , which is why the cabinets are two feet of usable space across . They are technically 27 inches wide , but only 24 inches usable . We are not quite finished , we still have to put the top on , but I have the first two videos of how we took apart the pallets and how we built the cabinet up to the midpoint and the other will be coming when we finish it up this weekend . In other news , our duck Zoe is having some foot problems . First she lacerated it pretty bad and when we were tending to that , we noticed she had bumblefoot , so after the laceration healed we managed to get the bumblefoot scab off and dug out some of the core . I am not sure we got it all , but we couldn 't see more . We packed it with triple antibiotic ointment and wrapped it up and she 's been in a hospital cage in the duck coop to keep her off it and to keep Wade , our drake , off of her . He 's feeling his oats and trying to breed with everything with feathers now that he feels mating season is coming up . I bring her greens once a day and she has her own water and feed in the cage with her . She comes into the house every other day and gets a bath in the bathtub and we check her foot , put on more ointment , and wrap it with fresh gauze and vet wrap . We let her out one day , but Wade was right on her , so she 'll just have to stay in the cage another week or so until she can run from him . I am worried about one of our rabbits , Cinnabun . I think she might be sick . She 's lost a lot of weight . I don 't see mites and I don 't see diarrhea , but she 's a big rabbit and I 'd say she 's lost 2 pounds . She doesn 't seem uncomfortable , though , and she is eating and drinking her water . She 's our oldest red and she 's partially blind , but she 's only 2 years old . And she 's a love . She 's a fantastic mother and has good litters . I don 't want to lose her , but I am going to have to keep a sharp eye on her . The turkeys are doing great . They look beautiful and are fully feathered . I hope Gina will start laying soon . When she was hurt last February by the owl attack , it took 8 months to grow back the feathers the owl 's talons had dug out when it gouged down her back . Turkeys don 't lay when they are regrowing feathers , and by the time they were all back in , it was winter and turkeys don 't lay in the winter . Or at least Royal Palms without supplemental lighting don 't . I have not seen George and Gina mating yet , but it should start any time now . Gina usually goes broody around April , and eggs usually start in March . My three Barnevelders are laying . They laid sporadically throughout the winter , but are getting a little more frequent now . The Leghorns are laying , too , but the rest of the chickens have not kicked it into gear yet . We weaned Ella 's male kits 3 days ago . I don 't generally like to wait this late , but I wasn 't doing well enough to go out there and so DH and DS have been on rabbit duty . Since I am the only one who knows how to sex the rabbits ( which is what they call determining their genders ) , it didn 't get done sooner . I finally dragged myself out there and got it done , because if I waited too much longer there could be a small chance that one of the males could have impregnated Ella . There turned out to be 3 boys and 3 girls . 2 of the boys are broken blacks and one is a solid black . Two of the girls are broken blacks and one is the lightly broken fawn ( light red ) . One of the female brokens has promising coloring so I may keep her and breed her back to Zander to try to strengthen both spots and coloring . I might not though . Persephone 's kits ( above ) are coming up and if the right one of them is female she 'll have better coloring and spots . I haven 't been posting here much despite a determination to be better at it . It 's been hard since my fall in November , but I am really starting to get back on my feet again . It 's slow going and I still have pain , but I 'm able to do a lot more . Not like before , but hopefully in another month I will be able to take over all of my chores again . I am so happy with how the kits are doing . They are growing very well . Admittedly I haven 't been able to check on them as much as I normally would . My husband and son have had to do the majority of the rabbit chores since I still have bronchitis and a lot of swelling in my sprained ankle . I can 't go out at night , because I can 't see where I 'm putting my feet and I can 't risk rolling my ankle again and the doctor doesn 't want me outside at night until this cough goes away . We got the hoops in the garden covered with greenhouse plastic today . We are due for our first hard freeze and possible snow on Monday night and possibly more snow later in the week , but tomorrow night will get down to 35 . I want to jolly my lettuce , kale , and chard along through the winter if I can and protect my herbs . I am really struggling with the nightshade allergy . They put paprika in everything . I even found it in my uncured , nitrate free , nitrite free , high fructose free hot dogs . And I realized that my shelf full of homemade canned garlic dill pickles are not something I can eat now because of the red pepper flakes . And no one else in the family likes dill pickles . So now I can 't eat pickles until I can make more come summer when there are pickling cucumbers again , without the red pepper flakes . It 's a little discouraging . I 've started loom knitting again . I quit sometime around April last year . I finished the sock that was on the loom , but I don 't think I have enough yarn to make a matching sock . I will take a piece to the store and see if they still even have that yarn . If not I will just knit another sock in a different yarn I don 't have enough of to do two socks and just wear that pair in my boots where no one can see them . Tomorrow we are going to fetch a 55 gallon barrel of produce . It is $ 15 for the produce and $ 15 deposit on the barrel . We 're getting it to feed to the ducks , turkeys , and chickens . They need the fresh stuff at this time of year when the garden is only making enough for us to eat and only a little to share with them . I have been giving them squash guts and seeds , but I like being able to give them some green leafy stuff , too , as well as some more substantial veggies . It 's all stuff that was simply pulled off the produce shelf the day before . A lot of it is still good for human consumption since they pull it the day before the sell by date and that is not even the use by date . I don 't know if I would consider eating any of it . I 'd have to see it . It might be worth canning if it is root vegetables that are in decent shape . He said he had a lot of organic stuff . We 'll see . Ella kindled this morning . She had seven , but one bled out from not getting the umbilical cord nipped right . That one was white . All of the others look broken ! Zander , the sire , is my only broken New Zealand rabbit . Now we wait to see whether they will be broken red or broken blacks . With the genetic combinations there I could end up with a lot of things . Ella is a black , but her mother Ruby is a red and her father Starbuck is a white . From what I understand for Ella to be black , it means that Starbuck carries black , but it is masked by the albinism gene . Ruby has one black in her line 3 generations back and the rest are reds . So Ella can carry a gene for black , red , and the albinism gene . So if you get a kit with the 2 albinism genes then it 'll be white as that dominates and that must be what happens with the dead ones . If I were to get a black kit out of this pairing then I would know that Hercules , Zander 's sire , had black under his masking albinism gene . If I were to get a solid red , I 'd know he had red under it . If I were to get chestnut then I 'd know he was agouti . I think . Rabbit genetics are complicated . The guy I bought Zander from said he is lucky if he gets one broken kit per litter with Zander 's dam . So proud of Miss Ella . She did good for a first time mother . I 'll post pictures when the fur starts coming in and I have a better idea of what their coloring is . In the meanwhile , have a gander at our nesting box build . The does love them . They are so happy with the higher walls and that they can have deeper nests in the back . 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It won 't be long now , less than a week and we should have rabbit kits again . We need to butcher the grow outs , but we 've been so busy lately running to doctor appointments and getting the garden ready and building another pantry cabinet with so much sanding my arms will never be the same . And that 's with an electric sander . Today I did a ton of work in the garden . The husband fixed the two beds that were coming apart at one corner and reinforced a couple other corners for good measure . We put netting over the onion bed because of the squirrels digging up everything problem we have each spring . Not to mention the escape artist chickens that always manage to end up in the one garden bed you don 't want them in . I got all of the beds weeded and took the plastic off the herb bed to see what had made it , then transplanted everything that had into a different garden bed . I want to have herbs and medicinal flowers all in one big bed this year . We topped off one of the narrow beds to bring the soil level back up and I will be transplanting the strawberries into it . We will need to bring the soil level up in the other two narrow beds and one more of the big beds . One pickup load of soil ought to do it . I picked up an amazing amount of garbage out of the garden . Mostly broken pots , plant labels , and empty soil bags . I obviously got lazy last summer at some point . Oh , wait , when I pulled a muscle in my back , that 's right . So I didn 't get around to proper clean up . It was all I could do to water and harvest and the husband worked 5 weeks straight with no days off and wasn 't home at all to help me . We still have to roll up the plastic that was over the hoops we used this winter and put it away . I 'm not sure exactly where we will store it . Maybe behind the garage . I 'm not sure I will bother with covering more than the herb bed next year and just use the little umbrella greenhouse to have lettuce and kale for as long as possible . Once the snow hit , it caved most of them in and smothered the plants anyway . We 'll need better hoops before we consider covering so many beds again . The husband is going to build a stand for me to set a large sprinkler on so it will be above the level of the raised beds and we will water the garden that way this year . Since I won 't be growing tomatoes or peppers in the back yard garden , I don 't have to worry about water getting on the leaves and getting blight . It 'll make things so much easier to just turn one sprinkler on for 20 minutes a couple times a week during the heat of the summer and be done with it . He 's also going to put legs on a screened box we have and that will be our veggie cleaning station where I can spray the dirt off before bringing it into the house . I am propagating basil off the stuff growing in the Aerogarden . I want to have lots of healthy , good - sized basil plants to put out in May when the time comes . I have both sweet basil and Genovese basil . I will also want to plant Thai basil and purple basil , but those I will have to buy . I will buy one plant of each and do cuttings from those as well to make new plants , but they won 't have those out until late May , probably . I am ready for real spring to be here . Not this I 'm still really winter in sheep 's clothing nonsense we 've been seeing . Although it has gotten much better this week , I won 't plant more than cold season crops because I still don 't trust it . Last night we were able to get the new canning cabinet into the house . Although we finished it on Sunday , we had to wait for the snow to melt to bring it from the garage to the house . Of course , first we had to unload the old bookcase , then move it into my bedroom so it could go back to being used as a bookcase . Then my husband and son brought it up on its side on the green machine ( which is a big gardening wagon , so it didn 't get dragged through the mud and turkey , duck , and chicken poo that our birds always so lovingly leave right in the middle of the sidewalk . Once it got manhandled into place , we were able to fill it . It held quite a bit more than I thought it would . It was quite a workout taking all those jars down and then putting them all back on again . I feel like I did an arm day at the gym yesterday or something . It is perfect , though . It is exactly what I wanted . I can 't wait to get the other cabinets built . We will be able to store so much more now , and once they are all done , have a place to put empty jars , too , until we need them again . My husband and I decided that this might be a nice little side - income thing in the future , too . If we can continue to get the free wood ( and we 've got a great source ) and only have to put time and the $ 18 . 20 for 2 x 4 's and screws per cabinet into it , we could turn quite a nice profit . The first one took us 8 hours to do with two people working . I think we can get that down now that we know what we are doing . If we switch to nails and a nail gun , we could probably do it quite a lot faster . But that would require buying a nail gun and an air compressor . We 've been thinking about that anyway , though . There are so many times when it would have come in handy and made our lives easier . We have also batted around selling the plans for making them for a small amount , like $ 5 . I mean , the videos I made are available for free if people want to figure it out from those , but actual plans and an ingredients list ( as I call it ) might be more appealing to some people and since my husband 's original college training was in architecture , he can draw up blueprints and design plans easily enough . We 'll see , though . Hopefully he will get hired soon and I won 't have to worry about things like side income to help out as we continue to deplete our savings . My other blog and my youtube channel are starting to earn some money now , but it is certainly not enough to make up for not having his income anymore . Hopefully he will find work soon . I think I will clip some rabbit toenails and then breed some of them tomorrow . Probably Bonfire and Ruby . Possibly Serenity . We 'll see . I always do full health checks on them before breeding to make sure there are no issues before putting the stress of pregnancy on them . I also need to do sex determinations on the youngest litter and start on weaning the boys . My husband cleaned the grow out cages so we can get that done now . If we get a nice day we need to butcher the older litter . Because of the weather it has been hard to plan for a good day to do it . It wouldn 't matter so much if the roof had gotten put back on the butcher station when it blew off in late fall , but it hasn 't . So doing it in the rain is not a lot of fun . Doing it in the snow is not an option and it is supposed to snow again tomorrow . Hopefully we 'll get one nice day soon without a ton of snow on the ground and we can get it taken care of . In other news , we lost Zoe on Saturday . It was sad as she was a very good duck and we tried pretty hard to save her , but I had a feeling she was going to die . After a while of homesteading , you kind of get a sense of these things and how poorly they are doing towards the end . At least she had some good baths before she went . I will miss him as he was the sweetest buck ever , but we don 't need 4 bucks . Well , at least not when 3 of them are whites . If I get a broken red buck out of the next breedings with Zander and Ruby or Zander and Bonfire , I may keep him . If I get a broken red doe , I will definitely keep her . As much as I 'd like to have one from Cinnabun and Zander , she has partial cataracts and I don 't want to have those genetics in the rabbitry . Even though she is a big old love of a rabbit and is a fantastic mother , both traits I would like to pass on . One of the problems with my old canning shelves is that they are really just bookcases . I can 't do much to adjust the height of each shelf and I either have to stack my jars on top of each other , which is not advisable for a lot of reasons , or waste a lot of space . It has been frustrating , because in order to store the number of filled jars I have , I do end up having to stack them . This can lead to tumbles off the shelf as well as making the jar that is stacked on unseal itself . Now I 've only actually had the jars unseal twice . It is something I am religious about checking before using any food . And we 've had jars fall off the shelves before more than a few times , but so far nothing has ever broken . It was well past time that we did something about it , but we couldn 't spend a lot of money on it . Well , the cost to us of building a canning cabinet that is 6 feet high with shelves spaced one inch higher than my tallest canning jar apart all the way up , is shaking out at $ 18 . 20 . $ 10 . 08 for 4 2 x 4 's , and $ 6 . 67 for a third of a 2 lb box of screws , and the remainder $ 1 . 46 in sales tax . Our county is ridiculously high with the sales tax at 8 . 7 % . Still , under $ 20 for a 6 foot by 3 foot by 2 foot , solid wood cabinet is nothing to sneeze at . How did we manage to do that , you may be asking yourself ? We made a huge score of very nice , free , wooden pallets last fall , with the wood spaced in such a way that a vast majority of it was salvageable . We could only get boards no longer than 27 inches , which is why the cabinets are two feet of usable space across . They are technically 27 inches wide , but only 24 inches usable . We are not quite finished , we still have to put the top on , but I have the first two videos of how we took apart the pallets and how we built the cabinet up to the midpoint and the other will be coming when we finish it up this weekend . In other news , our duck Zoe is having some foot problems . First she lacerated it pretty bad and when we were tending to that , we noticed she had bumblefoot , so after the laceration healed we managed to get the bumblefoot scab off and dug out some of the core . I am not sure we got it all , but we couldn 't see more . We packed it with triple antibiotic ointment and wrapped it up and she 's been in a hospital cage in the duck coop to keep her off it and to keep Wade , our drake , off of her . He 's feeling his oats and trying to breed with everything with feathers now that he feels mating season is coming up . I bring her greens once a day and she has her own water and feed in the cage with her . She comes into the house every other day and gets a bath in the bathtub and we check her foot , put on more ointment , and wrap it with fresh gauze and vet wrap . We let her out one day , but Wade was right on her , so she 'll just have to stay in the cage another week or so until she can run from him . I am worried about one of our rabbits , Cinnabun . I think she might be sick . She 's lost a lot of weight . I don 't see mites and I don 't see diarrhea , but she 's a big rabbit and I 'd say she 's lost 2 pounds . She doesn 't seem uncomfortable , though , and she is eating and drinking her water . She 's our oldest red and she 's partially blind , but she 's only 2 years old . And she 's a love . She 's a fantastic mother and has good litters . I don 't want to lose her , but I am going to have to keep a sharp eye on her . The turkeys are doing great . They look beautiful and are fully feathered . I hope Gina will start laying soon . When she was hurt last February by the owl attack , it took 8 months to grow back the feathers the owl 's talons had dug out when it gouged down her back . Turkeys don 't lay when they are regrowing feathers , and by the time they were all back in , it was winter and turkeys don 't lay in the winter . Or at least Royal Palms without supplemental lighting don 't . I have not seen George and Gina mating yet , but it should start any time now . Gina usually goes broody around April , and eggs usually start in March . My three Barnevelders are laying . They laid sporadically throughout the winter , but are getting a little more frequent now . The Leghorns are laying , too , but the rest of the chickens have not kicked it into gear yet . We weaned Ella 's male kits 3 days ago . I don 't generally like to wait this late , but I wasn 't doing well enough to go out there and so DH and DS have been on rabbit duty . Since I am the only one who knows how to sex the rabbits ( which is what they call determining their genders ) , it didn 't get done sooner . I finally dragged myself out there and got it done , because if I waited too much longer there could be a small chance that one of the males could have impregnated Ella . There turned out to be 3 boys and 3 girls . 2 of the boys are broken blacks and one is a solid black . Two of the girls are broken blacks and one is the lightly broken fawn ( light red ) . One of the female brokens has promising coloring so I may keep her and breed her back to Zander to try to strengthen both spots and coloring . I might not though . Persephone 's kits ( above ) are coming up and if the right one of them is female she 'll have better coloring and spots . I haven 't been posting here much despite a determination to be better at it . It 's been hard since my fall in November , but I am really starting to get back on my feet again . It 's slow going and I still have pain , but I 'm able to do a lot more . Not like before , but hopefully in another month I will be able to take over all of my chores again . I am so happy with how the kits are doing . They are growing very well . Admittedly I haven 't been able to check on them as much as I normally would . My husband and son have had to do the majority of the rabbit chores since I still have bronchitis and a lot of swelling in my sprained ankle . I can 't go out at night , because I can 't see where I 'm putting my feet and I can 't risk rolling my ankle again and the doctor doesn 't want me outside at night until this cough goes away . We got the hoops in the garden covered with greenhouse plastic today . We are due for our first hard freeze and possible snow on Monday night and possibly more snow later in the week , but tomorrow night will get down to 35 . I want to jolly my lettuce , kale , and chard along through the winter if I can and protect my herbs . I am really struggling with the nightshade allergy . They put paprika in everything . I even found it in my uncured , nitrate free , nitrite free , high fructose free hot dogs . And I realized that my shelf full of homemade canned garlic dill pickles are not something I can eat now because of the red pepper flakes . And no one else in the family likes dill pickles . So now I can 't eat pickles until I can make more come summer when there are pickling cucumbers again , without the red pepper flakes . It 's a little discouraging . I 've started loom knitting again . I quit sometime around April last year . I finished the sock that was on the loom , but I don 't think I have enough yarn to make a matching sock . I will take a piece to the store and see if they still even have that yarn . If not I will just knit another sock in a different yarn I don 't have enough of to do two socks and just wear that pair in my boots where no one can see them . Tomorrow we are going to fetch a 55 gallon barrel of produce . It is $ 15 for the produce and $ 15 deposit on the barrel . We 're getting it to feed to the ducks , turkeys , and chickens . They need the fresh stuff at this time of year when the garden is only making enough for us to eat and only a little to share with them . I have been giving them squash guts and seeds , but I like being able to give them some green leafy stuff , too , as well as some more substantial veggies . It 's all stuff that was simply pulled off the produce shelf the day before . A lot of it is still good for human consumption since they pull it the day before the sell by date and that is not even the use by date . I don 't know if I would consider eating any of it . I 'd have to see it . It might be worth canning if it is root vegetables that are in decent shape . He said he had a lot of organic stuff . We 'll see . Ella kindled this morning . She had seven , but one bled out from not getting the umbilical cord nipped right . That one was white . All of the others look broken ! Zander , the sire , is my only broken New Zealand rabbit . Now we wait to see whether they will be broken red or broken blacks . With the genetic combinations there I could end up with a lot of things . Ella is a black , but her mother Ruby is a red and her father Starbuck is a white . From what I understand for Ella to be black , it means that Starbuck carries black , but it is masked by the albinism gene . Ruby has one black in her line 3 generations back and the rest are reds . So Ella can carry a gene for black , red , and the albinism gene . So if you get a kit with the 2 albinism genes then it 'll be white as that dominates and that must be what happens with the dead ones . If I were to get a black kit out of this pairing then I would know that Hercules , Zander 's sire , had black under his masking albinism gene . If I were to get a solid red , I 'd know he had red under it . If I were to get chestnut then I 'd know he was agouti . I think . Rabbit genetics are complicated . The guy I bought Zander from said he is lucky if he gets one broken kit per litter with Zander 's dam . So proud of Miss Ella . She did good for a first time mother . I 'll post pictures when the fur starts coming in and I have a better idea of what their coloring is . In the meanwhile , have a gander at our nesting box build . The does love them . They are so happy with the higher walls and that they can have deeper nests in the back . 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By Kristy Noel Gillinder Do you have a favorite piece of furniture ? My favorite piece of furniture is a chair . And , boy , does that chair have a history ! I enjoy my chair and treasure the history behind it . And , this week , I said good - bye to my chair , which made me think about how God 's love is even better than this beloved chair . My precious chair was made of deep green leather . It 's twenty years old . Back in the day , it was quite the fashionable seat ! It belonged to my husband 's aunt and uncle in New Jersey . When Rob and I got married and purchased our first home in North Carolina , they sent it to us . None of the furniture in our first home matched , but we didn 't care . Seventeen happy years later , Rob and I have moved nine times ! That big , old green chair has safely made every move with us . Some of our furniture , for one reason or another , never made it . But that green chair would never , ever have been left behind ! Last year , when God told us it was time to adopt a child , we were thrilled . Interestingly enough , He gave us the word to adopt on the very day that we had asked a friend to help move our green chair upstairs to our fourth bedroom , which we had decided to convert into a game room for the kids ! God 's timing is amazing and proves He has a great sense of humor ! I spent many hours in my prized green chair , praying , and searching God 's word , and talking with well - wishing friends on the phone . I also spent a lot of time in my chair just thinking about God 's goodness and the wonderful path He has taken us on . When God revealed His adoption plan to us , we weren 't prepared for the timing of it . However , things have fallen into place in ways that I could never have dreamed . We soon realized that the fourth bedroom , which had just been converted into a game room , was now going to be our new child - to - be 's bedroom ! Needless to say , that giant green chair was not going to be able to stay in that room . So , Rob and I dragged that huge chair across the hall and into our bedroom . We tried to make a little reading nook , but the chair was just too big . We fiddled with it and worked and worked , but just couldn 't make it work . So , last week , we heard about a precious friend who was moving into a new apartment and she needed furniture . The same friend who came last year to move the chair upstairs came and moved it back down . The next day our other friend - who originally moved the chair upstairs - came and gratefully took the chair . I was so happy to see it passed on . God 's love is comfortable and amazing and goes with us wherever we go . It is meant to be shared . His love will always amaze and surprise us ! This week , I encourage you to spend some alone time with God . Ask Him to show you how to pass along His love and encouragement to others . Be encouraged and be blessed ! By Kristy Noel Gillinder Have you ever called a friend , or messaged them , and they didn 't answer your call when you just KNEW that they were available ? Have you ever been just flat - out ignored when you tried to get in touch with someone ? How did it make you feel ? It really makes you unhappy , doesn 't it ? Have you ever done that to someone else ? It 's just not a lot of fun , is it ? Well , how do you think God feels when He calls on us and we don 't answer Him ? When the One who made the world and everything in it calls on YOU , don 't you think you should answer ? Lots of people are called by God , but they decide , for one reason or another , to ignore the call . Sometimes , people feel very unworthy . They think , and sometimes say out loud , that God simply can 't use them because they are sinners . Guess what ? We are ALL a bunch of sinners , and God knows that , but He loves us anyway . He never wastes a hurt or a bad situation . Often those hurts and bad situations are used by God to grow us and teach us and have us help others in His name ! Let 's take a good look at the some of the people in the Bible . Paul , when he was Saul , persecuted Christians and was an all - around nasty guy . Christians were scared to death of him . David was an adulterer and set his lover 's husband up to be killed and he tried to cover it up . Jonah ran away and tried to hide from God because he disagreed with Him . Moses had a bad temper and killed a man and was afraid to speak in public . And the list goes on and on and on . Yet , God in His mercy and wisdom , called all of these people and used them for His glory . We are told in Revelation 3 : 20 ( NIV ) , " Here I am ! I stand at the door and knock . If anyone hears my voice and opens the door , I will come in and eat with him , and he with me . " Isn 't that a beautiful picture of a loving God who desires to be with us . God loves each and every one of us . He is calling us to Him . He wants us to love Him and follow Him . He wants us to reach out to others in His name . He wants everyone to come to Him of their own free will , but He will not force Himself on any of us . God is a gentleman . He won 't go where He is not invited ! This week , I challenge you to get alone with God . Spend time reading the Bible and praying . Wait for God to tell you about your mission . Listen to see where He is leading you and what He wants you to do . Then , hang on tight , because you just might be called on an adventure that is much more wonderful than anything you could have ever dreamed of ! Be encouraged and be blessed ! By Kristy Noel Gillinder Are you a dog lover ? Do you ever talk about " paws " instead of hands ? Do you think a wiggly , little ball of fur is just about the cutest , sweetest thing ever ? If so , you are not alone . There are millions and millions of people the world over who love dogs . My family and I have two precious dogs , and we count ourselves very blessed , indeed , to have them in our lives . One of the funniest things dogs can do is to chase their tail . Our Boston Terrier , Job , is old and has a short tail , so he doesn 't spend much time trying to chase it . Our Cocker Spaniel / Lab mix , Merci , on the other hand , has a long , bushy tail that is apparently too much to resist . Merci spends a considerable amount of time and effort trying to grab hold of her furry appendage . It is hilarious to watch her in action . She goes round and round until she wears herself out , in a sad effort to get that tail . Recently , as I was watching Merci on her merry tail chase , it reminded me of how I have been doing the same thing in my life , with about the same frustrating results . I have been desperately trying to grab hold of a situation and control it . So far , it has not worked out at all . In fact , all I have done is tie my tummy in knots and get myself drenched in stress ! On some level , I felt like God was " too busy " to help me , and I thought I would just help Him out and speed things along . Thinking I was " smart " I tried to " finesse " the situation . Now , looking back on it , all I was doing was insulting God and trying to fight for control when I am not in control , and never have been . " Control " is just an illusion . Merci probably won 't ever catch her tail and I won 't either . I realized that it 's okay . In Jeremiah 29 : 11 ( NIV ) we are told , " For I know the plans I have for you , " declares the LORD , " plans to prosper you and not to harm you , plans to give you hope and a future . " Everything that comes into our lives has to have God 's approval . Whether it is good , or bad , or neutral , nothing escapes God . He will never be caught off guard . God will never be surprised . That in itself is a tremendous comfort . Do you have something that you have been trying to " catch " and just can 't ? Is there something that you are holding onto so tightly that your knuckles have turned white ? If so , why don 't you think about seeing what God says about it ? This week , I challenge you to stop chasing whatever it is you have been trying so hard to catch . Get alone with God and pray and just listen for God 's voice to comfort you and guide you and direct you . He will . He loves you and wants only his very best for your life . Be encouraged and be blessed ! By Kristy Noel Gillinder Have you ever lost a loved one ? Chances are , you have . It hurts . It is so hard to let go when someone we love so very much just isn 't there anymore . We don 't really have a choice but to find a new kind of " normal " and keep going , but that doesn 't mean we like this change . When a person doesn 't know about Jesus Christ and what He did for us , it is difficult to have a lot of hope , for life to have meaning and make sense after suffering the loss of a loved one . The really great news is that this life is NOT all there is ! For those who know and love Jesus , we have the PROMISE of eternal life . Now that is something that should make us jump up and dance and sing , in praise and celebration . If we only look around , this world is pretty sad and depressing . If we keep our eyes , heart , and mind fixed on Jesus Christ , we know that we will understand what is truly important . Sin makes us feel guilty . Death feels so final . However , Jesus took care of sin AND death . We are forgiven through the blood of Jesus , if you only believe in Him , and ask Him to forgive you and be Your Savior , and then receive the free gift of eternal salvation . If you have never asked Jesus Christ to be your Savior , please don 't put it off . Do it today , and you will be eternally grateful that you did ! If you already know Jesus as your Savior , but feel like you have neglected your relationship with Him , please pray and talk to Him about it . He will gladly listen to you , anytime , anywhere . My son , Noah , was learning some scripture for AWANA Club a few weeks ago . The more we read and studied these verses , the more it encouraged me . Revelation 21 : 4 ( KJV ) says , " And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes ; and there shall be no more death , neither sorrow , nor crying , neither shall there be any more pain : for the former things are passed away . " If you have ever been hurt , or sick or lost someone you love , take heart . Jesus took the hit for you and for them and for each and every one of us . Jesus was thinking of YOU with LOVE while He was hanging on the cross . Even if you had been the only person to ever walk the Earth , Jesus would still have gladly gone to the cross just for you . The fact that He died and then rose again means He defeated sin and death for each and every one of us . This week , I encourage you to spend some quality time with Jesus . Read the Bible , and focus on the magnitude of what He did for you . Read the story of His arrest and crucifixion and I know it will bring tears to your eyes as you realize He was thinking of YOU with love as He hung there suffering . Know that Jesus defeated sin and death on your behalf . Be encouraged and be blessed . Happy Easter ! By Kristy Noel Gillinder What was your first car like ? Was it a dream machine ? Did it purr like a kitten as you cruised down the road ? Or , were you so ashamed of it you ducked down in the seat so that you could barely see over the steering wheel , in the hope that none of your peers would see you ? My first car was a large " hunk of junk " on wheels . It regularly broke down , and at the most inconvenient times ! Once , while away at school , I had to go downtown for a class assignment . On my way back home , my car suddenly caught on fire . By the grace of God , I was able to pull over into an empty parking lot . A cop stopped and yelled at me for breaking down ! Now , I have a an old car that gets me from " Point A to Point B " and that 's just about it . My husband drives our nicer car . The important thing is that both cars are paid for and they get us where we need to go . I have learned over the years that you don 't need a fancy sports car to be happy . A car is just a thing , and that 's it . Something else I have learned is that cars are a lot like people . They come in all different shapes , and sizes , and colors . And , some of the ones that look the prettiest on the outside have a lot of problems on the inside . The other day , I took a good look at our nicer car , the one my hubby took over . Over the years , it has gotten some dents and dings in it , even though we have taken great care of it . Life just happens sometimes . The more I thought about it , the more those dents , and dings , and imperfections reminded me of my own life . No matter how " careful " I am , in living my life , things happen . And , those dents and dings in life have helped make me who I am . They have challenged me and shaped my character . God has used the dents and dings to show me how much He loves me . He has shown me that He is with me , no matter what . Another unexpected blessing from the dents and dings of life has been how God brings me to other people who have experienced similar dents and dings . We can lean on each other and encourage each other . That has been so incredible . No matter what you have gone through , God understands , and He will use the hurts to help you and help others . I have seen Him do this in ways I could never have dreamed . What a blessing that is ! This week , I encourage you to take a good look at your ride . Pay special attention to the dents and dings and imperfections . Compare that to your life . Ask God to help you with those dents and dings . Ask Him to show you how to help others with their dents and dings . Then , hang on tight because when you go to God with an open heart and open hands , you will be simply amazed by what He will do ! Be encouraged and be blessed ! By Kristy Noel Gillinder After months and months of planning , a flurry of activity , and probably some tearful moments , the big day finally arrives . As she slips on her dress , the bride stuns her attendants in a frothy confection she has most likely been dreaming about since she was a little girl . The groom stands a bit nervously in front of family and friends , a bit of perspiration dampening his brow , and wondering how his collar got so tight . Then the music starts and everyone is breathless as the bride glides down the aisle to meet her husband - to - be and suddenly , all of the stress falls away . This weekend is a big one for me . One of my best friends , a wonderful woman named Lindsay , is getting married . And , my husband , Rob , and I are celebrating seventeen years of marriage ! Oh , the joy and love of marriage ! If I could go back in time and tell bride - to - be Kristy one thing , it would be to always give my best effort to the marriage . Marriage is hard , hard work , but it is so worth it ! If you don 't put your whole heart and soul into the marriage , you can 't be too surprised when you end up frustrated and feeling like something is lacking . You truly do get back what you put into it . Once the honeymoon phase wears off , there will be a time when you look at your beloved and wonder , " What was I thinking ? " That most unpleasant thought will most likely come after an argument over something trivial . At that exact moment you will realize that your beloved is in fact , not perfect . Guess what ? YOU are not perfect , either . Sure , I get aggravated at my beloved Rob , but I know that I am not a peach to live with . In fact , I give him a lot of credit for putting up with me . As Christians , we honor God with our relationships , including our marriage . God should be the number one love of our life , whether we are married or single . If you are thinking about getting married , look for someone who loves God passionately . It will make life so much sweeter in every way . What a blessing it has been for me to see Rob grow in his love for God . It has deepened and strengthened our marriage . And when the storms of life come , as they always do , we have God to cling to . When we have a disagreement , we can go to the Bible to see how God tells us to handle the disagreement . We can argue with each other , but you just can 't argue with the word of God . Trust me , you will never win that one ! This week , I encourage you to praise God for your marriage . And , if you aren 't yet married and want to be , ask Him to help you find the mate He wants you to have . You never know , true love might be just around the corner . May you have a marriage that will make God smile . And , Lindsay , may every single day of your marriage be just as beautiful and blessed as your wedding day . Be encouraged and be blessed ! 1 Comment | posted in About , Christianity , Life Lessons , Mental , Spiritual , Testimonies , Uncategorized March 17 , 2012 Trying To Do It ALL ! By Kristy Noel Gillinder Do you feel like there aren 't enough hours in the day ? Have you ever looked at the clock and panicked ? Do you ever think you will never be able to check off everything on your " to - do " list ? If so , you are not alone . More and more people seem to think that they just can 't do it all . But , who said we have to do it all , anyway ? Many Christians feel guilt . God doesn 't want us to run around feeling guilty about things . Guilt isn 't anyone 's friend . All it does is hurt us and our relationships . These days , I have had to hit the " pause " button on several activities . My dear hubby , Rob , and I have always tried our best to make God our first priority , our marriage and family second , and everything else comes after that . We are now in the process of adopting a child , and due to that , we have had to cut back on many of our " usual " activities . And , you know what ? We have survived cutting back on our activities ! At first , I was nervous when we had to scale back on some things , but that anxiety soon passed . Life went on and all was well ! I have a friend who shall be called " Alyssa " for privacy purposes . Alyssa has an older brother I will refer to as " Barry . " Barry was born with special needs and has the most amazing outlook on life . He looks at everything with a child - like faith . He finds complete and utter joy in the little moments that most people take for granted . Just being around Barry makes people relax . Recently , Barry spent about ten minutes enjoying a revolving door . He was totally " blown away " by the mechanics of it ! He went outside and was mesmerized by the singing birds in a nearby tree . Barry has taught me to hit the " pause " button and just enjoy the lovely world that God has entrusted to our care . Too many times , we are rushing from one activity to the next , that we forget to praise God for the little things . We let time with loved ones slip away while we are " fiddling " with our technological devices , afraid that if we " unplug " we might miss something . We are missing something - each other ! When was the last time you were fascinated by everyday things ? How often do you just stop , look up , take a deep breath and just be ? Chances are , you might not even be able to remember the last time you slowed down and just relaxed . Why do people feel guilty for relaxing ? Why do we feel angst when we plan a vacation ? Of course we all have responsibilities and things that have to get done . However , when our to - do list fills up the plate and then spills over , that is when the stress comes in and something has to go . This week , get alone with God . Share your schedule with Him and ask Him to prioritize it for you and show you what needs to go . You don 't have to do it all ! Be encouraged and be blessed !
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Ok . So , it 's been a bit . My reasoning for that is that I have been incredibly mopey , stuck up in my own head and honestly , everything I have written lately feels like it belongs in a fifteen year old girls diary - and not the head of a thirty two ( Good God I am actually that old ) year old woman . So , It 's roughly eight in the morning , and I 'm sitting here writing to all of you , getting caught up on GIRLS ( and still wondering how I could be so much like a neurotic and shameless fictional character ) and drinking what can only be quantified as an obscene amount of caffeine . It would appear that my life is getting uprooted once more . I 'll be moving to a new place - once again . I am not even sure how I feel about any of this . Once again though , I don 't have time to really think . When I was with my former partner , we moved a ton . We just . . uprooted ourselves from his parents very wealthy house in Northern Illinois and went to live in Northern Minnesota . We literally had a few bags of KIND OF clothing and that was it . When we FINALLY got an apartment , he went down to Illinois to get all of our stuff and I was fired from my job while he was gone . It was an INCREDIBLY small town and everyone - literally everyone knew each other . They all grew up together and the men outnumbered the women 3 : 1 - the actual literal running joke was - when a couple split up - you didn 't " Lose your place , you just lost your place in line . " Like the women were some kind of carnival ride . There were people who got divorced and then re - married after marrying other people because there were literally no other people there to marry . Living with this partner - was really interesting ( to say the least . ) He was the first person that I dated after the most abusive awful situation that anyone could imagine . He was EXACTLY the opposite of the guy who hurt me . He was sixteen years my senior , he behaved like a wild , free spirited teenager . I was initially incredibly attracted to that - someone who wanted to take life for what it was and ride it out to the end . No matter what happened . Unfortunately , that meant that he never held a job for more than a year and a half , every time he got the itch to go - he would QUIT HIS JOB , sometimes without any notice and he would just want to throw everything into boxes and " Figure it all out later . " The first few times it happened , it was actually spontaneous and kind of endearing . It was almost sweet to think that there was this person in my life that was just ready to hold onto life and go with everything that was happening . By the third time though it just felt like running . Honestly , It felt like I was running away from everything . He had this awesome job up in the North Woods where we had housing - yeah , we had shitty internet that I couldn 't game on , that barely worked and we were unable to stream music on . Yeah , we were about hours from the nearest McDonalds or a supermarket that wasn 't owned by someone in the town that was jacking up the prices for everyone … but it was a home . It was a starting place . I had to tell myself that I hated it after it all ended because honestly , moving away from something that I had actually put myself into - the family I made for myself up there , everything , felt like ripping open a wound to leave . I still think about those people every day . I wonder how they are doing , and I want to go back and see them - not as someone 's girlfriend , but as me … whatever that means . My whole life , I 've always surrounded myself with people who I thought shined brighter and more vibrantly than I did . Using the excuse that I wanted to learn from them . Honestly ? It is because I have never ( And especially after the abuse ) - I have never really felt like I had much to offer . In my thirties , I am looking at how all of this is turning out . The former fiancé ( He had asked me to marry him . I had a ring and everything ) now is back in Illinois , living in the house he 's been running from his entire life with his ailing mother in the wake of his fathers passing . He , on the look of it has a rather cushy life . His parents routinely fed us a couple thousand dollars a year while we were together , at his birthday and on Christmas , which he would often spend on things like snowmobiles , or travel , or more things … We were often in debt , not able to buy things like cat food , or people food - and yet , these were the things which were important to him . I saved up my paychecks for weeks to buy a new laptop . He talked me into upgrading beyond what I could afford and offered to pay the difference . At the time I thought I was going to marry him . I really thought that my life was actually going to be , what I thought I wanted . I thought that I wanted to be married , settled down , in love with this crazy man who was endearing as hell and still kind of is . A few months after purchasing the laptop , I had gotten back on WoW , I was Roleplaying a lot . Immersed in the game and the community - I had friends that were mine for the first time since before the abusive relationship . He had serious problems with how much time I was spending In a " Fake World " and he was very vocal about it . To the point of doing things like unplugging my laptop in the middle of RP events . Making comments about how I had " Made My choices and now I needed to pay for them . " One night it happened . I couldn 't sleep . I got up in the middle of the night . I went to check my email . He had been drinking that night , as he had become very prone to do . I think it was one of the nights when I had bought a bottle of cheap vodka that I had intended on lasting for a good while . It was gone by the end of the night . Sure , I had a few drinks myself but he was often very difficult to stop once he had gotten going . He came into the room with his bloodshot eyes , and was raving . Screaming " You had better not be on that damn machine you lying bitch " I had told him I was going to sleep . I was unable to do so , I was stressed beyond belief . The relationship I thought that I wanted so badly was crumbling before my eyes . He was prone to leaving me - telling me everything was over and within a couple of days deciding that things were better with me . Apologizing and taking me back . Usually with conditions on things that had to do with my behavior but rarely with his . He had been married before . Twice . And his second wife was very prone to making his drinking the central issue with the fights between the two of tAnyway , that night , he stood before me . Bloodshot eyes . Staring me down . Yelling at me . Calling me names . He surged forward and unplugged my laptop . Weapon - which happened to be an axe - in hand , Yelling about how he was going to destroy my laptop " For my own good . " He was screaming about how he bought it , and how he was enabling me in my " Addiction " , how nothing in this new world I was in , nothing about these people who would become my friends was real and how I was single handedly destroying everything that was Important . I was a mess . I was sobbing . I tried , defiantly to take the laptop back - $ 300 of it was mine after all . He yelled at me , told me he would give me my half of it after he cut it in half and had the satisfaction of destroying the " One thing that was keeping us apart . " Keep in mind that I had just spent two years of my life living with him in an extremely isolated area doing the things he wanted . Living the life he wanted . With his friends . And I watched him piss away two jobs . The only time I have ever been fired in my life happened twice when we were living up there . Once , by a crazy Jehovas witness who wanted to pay me $ 6 . 25 an hour , work me 60 hours a week and never let me keep my tips or give me overtime wages ( Because that is how things were done up there ) and the other by a woman who owned a bar and restaurant up there on the trail who was angry , had a reputation for being fickle , crazy and verbally abusive . He was staring me down . My hands were shaking and I was looking at him with tears in my eyes . Begging him not to destroy the nicest gift that anyone had ever given me . I was on the ground , my hands were shaking . I was sobbing . Having flashbacks to every god awful abusive situation I had been in with the man who came before him . Things I never spoke about aloud until recently for fear of what would happen to me if I did . He had told me he would kill me and my family if I ever told anyone and I still to this day honestly believe that if he were not in prison he would . It dyed down around 5 : 30 am . He still had my laptop . I packed a few things and went to stay with one of the only girlfriends I had in the area and her then boyfriend . Later that morning . After he had slept it off , he came and got it . We had a very tense 4 . 5 hour car ride back to Indianapolis , back to my parents in which he lectured me about how all of this was my fault . About how stupid he was and how he wasn 't sorry for what he did . How ultimately it was for my own good , and someday I would see that . How he couldn 't believe he was stupid enough to want to marry someone as selfish and childish as I was . How playing a game like this made me desensitized to his needs as a person , and was ruining our relationship - had ruined our relationship - because I wasn 't even trying to give him what he needed . Later that day , hands shaking , I checked myself into a psych ward for suicidal thoughts . I spent 4 days there getting my meds straightened out , talking about how everything was my fault - because I honestly believed that . I believed that I had driven the only man who would ever love a mess like me away . I didn 't tell any of the doctors the part about the axe , or the claims that were made . All I told them was that I was very depressed . I was playing video games for about 15 hours a day . I was hiding from the world . When I got out the man in question had been sleeping at my parents house . He didn 't destroy my laptop and low and behold , he was ready to take me back . He had forgiven me for all my indiscretions , and he was willing to work with me as I " Fought to get better . " I stayed with him for 3 more years . Through the death of his father , countless more fights , countless more nights where we started out having just a drink or two and he ended up drinking the whole bottle and finishing up the wine as well . He even used one of my epi - pens one night - the last one I had in my allergy kit mind you - just to " See what it would do . " I stayed with him through all of this because this was supposed to be my Happy Ending . This was the man who had helped me find the courage to get out of one of the deepest pits of hell that anyone can ever be in . I 'd have followed that man to the ends of the earth on broken bloody stumps if that is what had to happen . It is difficult to love someone who can 't love you back the way you need to be loved . I tell this story because looking back on it , that moment was the moment when our relationship died . I play it over a thousand times in my head . I try not to be angry , I try to let it go and forgive . I re - play it over and over in my head and try to see it from his point of view but all I see no matter how much I try is me on the ground , crying , begging not to be abandoned . Not to be left . Apologizing . And him , standing there with the axe . I tell this story because it highlights a much larger theme in my life . My biggest fear - Above death , above anything else - is abandonment . That man knew , maybe before that moment that he didn 't love me like we needed to love each other in order to make a marriage or even a friendship work . He knew that any time we continued on was borrowed at best . Yet , we both kept on . We both put on our happy faces and put one foot in front of the other . I smiled through the drinking , and the fights to come just like he tried to smile through the anger and my inability to function in many situations due to what happened to me before I ever met him . I was unable to communicate my emotions to him in general , let alone in that situation . So , there I was , fighting to hold onto something I 'm not even sure either of us wanted to continue . He later left , at another point in time that I really needed him . He quit a job that my mother had stuck her neck out to get him , left with no notice and while I was in the hospital , he went home to Illinois . Do I think that he was a bad man ? Do I have regrets ? The answer is no , he wasn 't a bad man , but he wasn 't right for me . The one regret I have over everything is that I stayed with him after the relationship had died . He became someone that I didn 't even recognize . I watched us become strangers who shared a bed … and I never found what I needed to find in me to forgive him . Now , we try to remain friends . We text cordially , and we try to stay open to being friends . I have so much anger , welling up in me over things that I can 't control . And some nights , when I am laying in bed , My mind drifts back to that night - like it did last night . He texted me about being miserable , working on cars and being stressed out about where his life is going - and all I remember now is the sound of me begging not to be abandoned and him standing over me . Axe in hand and saying " No . " I wish I could be the bigger person , and have the compassion that I need to move on , but in light of other things that are happening . One of my best friends from high school passing , the man who abused me finally going to prison - finally confronting all of the things I need to about the abuse I lived through - I find myself just thinking of him as yet another asshole who put me in a position of ever being on the floor with an axe . It 's like a gigantic metaphor for everything going on with everything . April 4 , 2015 at 6 : 06 pm Reply Endlessly we struggle , time and time again we are knocked down and reminded that people in this world can be cruel , even if they aren 't in the beginning . We fight and fight and it never seems to get easier , we just keep swinging until our arms fall to the wayside and our bodies lay broken . But we do not stop there , we bite and kick , we never stop fighting … April 4 , 2015 at 7 : 32 pm Reply I love your reflection on this point in your life , how you 're evolving past it . Strength is not power we wield then , it 's what we take from it and make our own now . Be strong Lexxx ❤ April 5 , 2015 at 1 : 38 pm Reply We are family , that little gaming community of ours , no matter what anyone says . We are always there for you , and you know that . That 's what matters . April 22 , 2015 at 6 : 42 am Reply Hi Lexxx . Glad I visited here now . Kind of gave me the courage to keep digging in . I mean , it 's just debt . I 'm not even planning to have kids , so I have plenty of time to pay it off . I 'm starting to realize I don 't need to fit the mold I 've seen around me all the time . Mortgage , car payments , a big over the top and money out the ass expensive wedding , all just such traditional ideas that clearly need shaking up . Imma do me , and Imma do me the best I can . Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this :
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Rancho Cucamonga Posted on March 10 , 2013 by Ryan Pittington When I return to Southern California , to the inland empire , I feel at home . In my body . It 's not an emotional thing . It 's not a relief . I just remember it . The air . Dry and warm . Soft even , with smog . Air that burns your lungs in the summer . Where you have to stay indoors . Where you can 't see the mountains in July . On days without smog , usually in the fall , when there 's wind , there 's a hush to the inland empire . Rancho Cucamonga , my hometown , is a suburb where no one walks . Everyone drives . And sometimes , no one does . If you take the right streets . If you drive out in the evening , the air orange and pink and green . I went to a meeting in Cucamonga a few months ago . I never drank when I lived there . And I had never been to a meeting there , except once , in high school , for my sister during her 51 - 50 lockup at the hospital . The meeting was like being at Walmart , in the way everything in the suburb is . But it was also like being at home . Like a homecoming . Like I had returned . I looked around the room and people were like people I knew . Family members . Like people from high school . They talked a lot about their jobs . It felt strange because it felt permanent . It meant that my being in recovery was real life . This was as real as driving down Church St . at sunset when I was 17 , with the windows down , feeling free and wanting more of it . This was as real as writing in my room every year of my life . As real as everything that I ever did or experienced or struggled with as a kid . I was in recovery . Even in Cucamonga . I remember my sister 's Corolla in high school . How it smelled . Like chemicals . Like someone had been smoking speed in it . I remember sharing a math class with her because I had skipped ahead . Her sitting behind me , because it was alphabetical , showing up and then not showing up except once , when she came and late and sat with her hair covering her face and her forehead on her desk , the whole class and no one said anything about it . far Posted on October 13 , 2012 by Ryan Pittington Before I went to rehab , I went to AA to hear people 's stories . I would listen to people who ended up homeless , all of their " yets " having by then transpired . They talked about shooting up under a bridge , selling themselves , living outside by the park , where the cops didn 't bother them , all of their possessions laid out on a blanket , the rain falling lightly at first , then substantially , soaking them all . They talked about being far from where they set out to be . I would start my own brief shares with caveats like " I 'm dealing with a lot of trauma from my childhood . " And I was . I 'd talk about being confused . About feeling my feelings for the first time . I was trying to explain why I drank until I could no longer see , why I drank when I didn 't even want to . Why I eventually crossed the line into hard drugs , one of my " yets , " only in order to wake myself up out of a blackout before it was too late . Why , after doing so , I still drank more . Why I woke up in hotel rooms with blood dripping down my face and onto the white sheets , so far from where I ever wanted to be . In the story we read tonight , at the meeting where I serve as secretary , a woman describes being told , after posing many hypotheses : " That 's not why you drank . " It 's possible that she could have said anything and still received that response , and possible that no one thought it helpful to take time to validate her experience , but it is wise . They were saying she drank because she was an alcoholic , because she was compelled to , because it was written in her DNA , in the stars . She drank because she drank . In that story , she does not mention feeling hurt or defensive in that moment . Instead , she believes them , as if it was an undeniable fact and she was relieved to know it . When I said that I was confronting how my dad treated me when I was younger , and that this was a challenge for me in recovery , and people told me things like " You 'll get over your dad stuff " or they shared their experience with forgiving their abusive parents , with all but a nod in my direction , I did not feel like the recipient of some wonderful revelation . I felt hurt and defensive . I thought : if people can assume that they know what forgiveness means for me , or trivialize my past by saying I should get over it , then maybe this was not an organization to which I wanted to belong . Now , a year and a half sober , I 've come to realize that those people talking about my dad were being kind and helpful , were people who had seen trauma soften and change , who had felt it sober for a long time . They weren 't saying : Get over it . They were saying : Eventually , it will not hurt you anymore . They were saying : You can be free . They were saying : that 's not why you drank . Minnesota Posted on October 6 , 2012 by Ryan Pittington I went back to Minnesota last week , to visit the treatment center I went to a year and a half ago . When I was in treatment , it was April and it was still snowing . All the branches were bare . In September , the weather is warmer , but more unpredictable . Last week , it was warm and sunny . The trees were full and turning . I drove out to Eden Prairie , a suburb of Minneapolis , where the treatment center was having its weekly open meeting . This was my second visit since being a resident . I visit it with a reverence , like a memorial or a museum . When I walk in , I recognize it immediately . The smell and feel of it . It 's a sense memory thing , like visiting the house you grew up in . I looked at the benches , the volleyball court , the vending machines , and remembered being there under different circumstances . I remember crying on the phone at night , gasping and choking . The phone that I had to have the staff dial for me and on which I could only talk at night , for a limited time . I listened to a Sia song called " The Moon " where she sings of two ships passing in the night . I played it over and over . Everything in my life was two ships passing in the night . Me and every person I knew . Me and myself . Drinking and not drinking . I was with my friend Chris , who had gone to treatment with me . There were 80 or so people at the meeting , some current residents , some alumni , some random AA members from the community . Chris knew most of them , from other meetings in Minneapolis , or from treatment itself , since he was there three times as long as me . The secretary asked everyone with over a year of sobriety to stand , to show that it 's possible . Of the 80 or so people there , only Chris and I and one other guy stood . I never in my life thought I would be one of the few people to stand . I never before thought it was possible for me to stop drinking for that long . For a while , for a long time , I thought that I would probably drink after I had a year sober , or after I broke up with my boyfriend . First one of those things happened , and then the other , and on both occasions , I went to a meeting . I didn 't even think about it . Cancún Posted on September 16 , 2012 by Ryan Pittington I went to Cancún , Mexico 3 months out of rehab . I had booked the trip with my boyfriend and two friends , impulsively , and there were no refunds . It was low season for tourists , or rather , it was not spring break , so I figured it would be easy . I told myself to enjoy it : a vacation without alcohol . We were offered tequila pretty much everywhere we went . I often think about Cancún . The tropical heat of it . The beach . Walking out to watch the thunderstorm at night . My friend trying to capture the lightning with a disposable camera . Taking the bus out of the hotel zone and getting off downtown . The semi - abandoned and abandoned buildings . The meeting room , on the second floor , with a view of the city 's sprawl into the jungle . The meeting was in a mall called Plaza Nader that was either out of business or rarely used or closed by the time I got there . I went every day , even though I regretted missing the sunset with my boyfriend at the hotel . It 's something that would come up for me again and again - the feeling of missing out by being in recovery . The tradeoff was real at the time . There were white marble tiles with pink veins , cut out like bricks . There were about 10 ex - pats , living in Cancún , and a few tourists like me , so the meeting was in English . The first time I tried to find it , the building was locked . I walked around back and a man was standing there , smiling at me . " No , " I said , and laughed , and continued looking until I found a side entrance . Wondering then , and the next day , and for a long while in different ways , if I should have gotten some weed for my friends . Wondering what that would mean . The stories were intense . A man talking his friend down from suicide , asking him to hand over the whiskey and shotgun . The machete . Another who ended someone 's life in a blackout , while driving , having no idea until the police came to tell him . People coming and going from treatment . Me , with my resort wristband and sunglasses , listening until the last day , when I spoke . I was uncomfortable , still wanting distance from everyone I met in any meeting , still coming mostly for the stories . I resented people reading the steps who could barely read . I still got annoyed when people rambled , off topic . I judged a guy for talking about relapses as if they were a given , beginning his share with " Every time I go out … " I still winced when people cheered for cake . When I spoke , it was of blackouts . At 3 months sober , they were my best reminder , my best reason not to drink . The man with the hit and run spoke to me after , commiserated . In one of the last months of my drinking , I woke up having no idea where I parked the night before . It was something I had sworn I would never do again and something I had done so often since swearing so , that I couldn 't pretend it would stick if I swore it again . Despite the intensity , I remember most the community , the connection . I remember the bus out of the hotel zone , the view . I remember Johnny , staying sober , trying to find the money for his light bill . I remember slipping an envelope with his name on it , with a hundred pesos , under the door before the meeting . The mall at Plaza Nader that was never quite open and never quite closed . The marble tiles . That anchor for me there , miraculously , amid the offers for tequila and weed and cocaine . sincere Posted on August 27 , 2012 by Ryan Pittington I talk about gifts of sobriety now . Sincerely . I 'm that kind of person . The kind I imagined and despised at the outset . For no real reason . Or because I did not know they were being sincere . why not Posted on July 13 , 2012 by Ryan Pittington The question my sponsor asked me on Tuesday , that he 's asked me before , was : why not ? Why not put sobriety first ? You haven 't even tried it . I broke up with my boyfriend a few weeks ago . When it first happened , my friend in the program said " Throw yourself into service . " And I looked at her , puzzled . I knew her before the program and I couldn 't believe she was giving me the AA talk now . More than that , I was confused by the advice itself : How is that even possible ? Who does that ? I 've done it , in part . After I had the talk with my boyfriend , I went to a meeting . I talked about how grateful I was that I could go there now instead of drinking . That it could feel natural . How , a year or two ago , this would have felt so devastating . It would have been terrifying . Now it 's just sad and it 's just what 's happening . Because of recovery and all the forces around it and inside of it - my rehab , the people I 've met , the stories I 've heard - I have gratitude now . I have self - confidence . I am able to assign things their proper weight . Showing up to meetings is service in itself , to the newcomers who hear what 's possible . But it 's not what my friend meant . Before my sponsor said why not , he said I sounded dry , meaning I was not drinking , but I was not in recovery . Dry means miserable . I was surprised . I cried . I thought I was getting better . I wrote once about many levels of actions and many levels of understanding . I believed in it . I did not feel miserable . But , I did not feel happy , joyous , and free . I did not feel spiritual . I felt very serious . And , when your sponsor tells you something , you 're supposed to listen . If you 're honest with yourself and everyone , you can tell if they 're right . And he was . I could tell at least by the fact that it shook me up . The thought that occurred to me after I met with him was this : fuck it . I saw my whole life shrinking and spiraling away from me . I saw my bleak future of meetings and mediocre achievements . Everything blotted out by my handicapped need to stay in AA . And in that spiraling was the evidence of what he was saying . My rejection of it confirmed it . My forgetting what recovery had done . My forgetting what believing in " fuck it " had done . I was dry . " Can you imagine this same scene ? " I asked . " You and me , walking down the middle of the street on Saturday night , eight years ago ? " We passed a group of college kids , from Long Beach State , playing flip cup in their front yard . They were all beautiful . They were all singing the same song . I was missing my youth . I was remembering what it meant to be 19 and free from my past for the first time , at least physically , at least when I was drunk , at least for a while . I remember 20 people at my house , all of whom I considered close friends . I remember dancing . Keg stands , beer pong , shots . Everyone singing the same song . I remember , too , waking up places where I did not intend to be . I remember dropping out my window , after everyone else had gone to bed , and walking to the highway , in a vest and sandals , sticking my thumb out . We walked to a restaurant on 2nd street . The sunset orange on every piece of glass . Southern California like it used to be . Like I remembered . Before I was gone . Before I became a visitor . I went to a meeting the next day . It was a rough crowd . And sweet , too . And sincere . People who had seen darker days than me . A man , about my age , was a beer snob , then a home brewer , then someone who didn 't leave his garage . A woman waited for her ex to get out of prison , wondering what to say to him to make him leave when he 'd come , she knew , knocking on her door . One woman said " We do what 's good for us today . Ain 't that something ? I couldn 't imagine doing something good for myself when I was drinking . I fantasized about doing something good for myself , but I couldn 't get past that liquor store … " " I wanted to stop living life underwater . I was terrified of dying at 26 from preventable causes . " earlyrecoveryblog . com / 2012 / 04 / 06 / som … 5 years ago
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While working on this project and getting more and more addicted to it , I realized that many people don 't know why we designers charge such high prices for some of it - it takes a long time and a lot of thought and effort to get it right ! As the ideas keep coming and I keep working , I 'm getting excited about the possibilities here with these conical shapes . I think this form , rather than the painted canvas version , started with some Murano blown glass trees I saw in the catalog from The Art Institute of Chicago . These images kind of " implant " in the brain . Anyway - playing around today with the poster board cone and the white paper , I decided I needed to do something with " tinsel " swags going in a continuous diagonal line around the tree . The first photo shows a squiggly freehand line I drew . I had tried several things that didn 't work , but we won 't go into that now . Bear in mind I was sitting up on my bed , watching a movie on the DVD player , so the line isn 't perfect . Opening these things out is sometimes the fun part , as it 's a big surprise . It occurred to me that the curved lines appear to have their ends on a straight line , which would be great for making sure they connect at the right place on the back . So - out came the green marker and the straight edge - and Voila ! ! Now to put it onto canvas with this as a guide . Obviously , the canvas will be oriented with the point at the top , and it will only require running a fingernail across to get the marks in the correct places on the edges . ( I 'll show it on Freebies , etc . when I get it drawn correctly ) Next , I decided to be clever and see what I could do with using my diagonal laces and trims of two years ago - so first I drew a series of straight lines parallel to the edges of the tree , as the laces were worked on the 45 degree angle of the canvas . . I didn 't measure or anything , as this is just an experiment . I couldn 't believe what it looked like on the back when I put it onto the poster board cone ! ! You can see that the lines are drawn straight and parallel to the Possibilities , Etc . I wasn 't thinking when I put the first topiary trees on canvas so long ago - as I was still doing everything in basketweave , and saw no problem with doing it so oriented . It also conserved canvas , as the bottom is very wide , and to put the top of the cone at the top of the canvas used more than doing it the way the photo shows . I 've been looking at it , and realize I would have difficulty stitching it , even in basketweave , as I want things upright for some reason . The first tree I stitched was sent to my mother , as she had announced that she was not going to put up a tree for Christmas that year - so I sent her my funny looking little needlepoint topiary . I had just begun to design again , so was not acquainted with or aware of a lot of decorative stitches and novelty threads , so stitched it in baskeweave with Caron 's Watercolours . The resulting diagonal stripes were not pretty . I did put little " jewels " of different colors on it with bump stitches of different sizes , and outlined them with Kreinik gold metallic braid . Now that my ignorance of these things has somewhat been cured , and my stash of novelty threads is outrageous , I 've had a lot of difficulty with the project of resurrecting the little trees . I have to be sure the background stitches lie correctly - no diagonally oriented ones would work . It was much easier when I was completely ignorant and unaware . I decided to just practice on this first one , and am using DMC floss with Nobuko stitch - needle shaded . I stitched a very light green line in tent stitch where I 'll put surface embellishement in the form of a swag of silk ribbon flowers or something spectacular - I had to have the line showing so it will be horizontal and also meet where it should when the cone is closed and finished . In the first photo , I have stitched down to the first division for the needle blending - where I will begin using 1 ply of the darker shade and 3 of the lighter . The second picture shows continuing Nobuko background in the second group of shades . The work then needs to be turnedPosted by When this idea first popped into my head a number of years ago , I had no idea how I would make a conical 3 - D tree in needlepoint , so went to a craft store and purchased three styrofoam cones - three different heights , as I had visualized a nice little forest of trees on the mantel or dining table . To save a lot of time here , I 'll just say it didn 't work . The paper pattern models I made with them were way to skinny . Then - and again , skipping a lot of other failed experiments - I decided to just make a simple cone with poster board , using a compass and tape . To my surprise , a 90 degree angle worked best , and the proportions were wonderful for a needlepoint topiary tree ! I 'm showing in this first picture the method one might use if one 's compass is buried at the bottom of an unknown box in the garage - it 's my trusty tape measure . I measured down from the corner 7 inches , and then , using the tape measure , just made intermittent dots , along which I cut the poster board . Neatness is not a great factor here . . Then I found the compass and it 's extension arm , and did the same thing on a piece of white paper - but made more definite lines - neater , etc . , and included two more concentric circles , as this willl aid in the pattern making to make any swags or other lines meet where they should when the cone is formed with the canvas . I cut the paper model very carefully and neatly along the bottom . You can see the penciled lines that are partial concentric circles out flat on the pattern , but then are just lines that go straight around the cone when it 's put together . ( with a little bit of tape ) In the next photo , I just lightly sketched some ornaments to demonstrate the reason for doing this on a curve drawn when the pattern is out flat - the swag appears as it should , and also meets at the same place on the back ( the arrows show ) When drawing it onto canvas , this will assure you that the pattern meets . To do this , I had placed the paper cone over the poster board cone for the stiffness , which allowed me to draw the ornamentsPosted by I was digging into boxes again today , and reached the bottom of one I hadn 't seen in a few years - and found more " stuff . " I had forgotten about this - dated 1998 - and thought it might be entertaining to do them again , as I have learned so much about stitches , and found so many wonderful novelty threads I wasn 't aware of when I originally did them in 1996 . The little corner closeup is another design of the same thing . These went to the cash / carry market in Phoenix in 1997 , and I sold quite a few of them . There was a shop in Marietta , Georgia who ordered lots and lots over a period of time , but I never got to see any of them stitched - I had no computer back then . I 'll finish this later , as I must go eat something and make some tea and try to get my brain wires going again - they get kind of short circuited when I have neglected to eat . ! ! Posted by The chickens have now decided I 'm no threat to their health and well being , so I was able to get kind of semi - close to them today for picture taking . I 've been told that if I would take their favorite bowl full of something called " chicken scratch " out to them , we would have an instant bonding for a close and loving relationship . I 'll try that after this present cold front passes . . This first photo is the view from my bedroom window - the " cottage " thing is my SIL 's retreat - where he goes when he is not in favor with his wife - the doghouse , I think it 's called . It 's also his woodworking shop , but I think he needs to intall a bathroom and efficiency kitchen and let me live in it and use it for a studio , as it has a vaulted ceiling and a skylight . Anyway , You can see the chickens back in the corner , which is what sent me running for my camera and the trip outside . The closeup shot of three girls is showing " Pillow , " who is the largest - and so named by the little boys because she is all white and very fluffy . Then " Betsy , " who is not large at all , but is definitely the head chicken of this bunch . ( the white one with the black tail . ) This has been very amusing to watch , as she definitely establishes herself in the " pecking order . " The dark one is " Henrietta . " This seems like a lot of trivia about nothing - but watching these feathered ladies has been one of the greatest stress relief things I 've had in a very long time - it makes me smile ! ! Also , it has relaxed me enough , I think , to begin drawing and painting and stitching again . That feels good . I don 't usually do this , but had to this time - I rarely look at my neo - counter any more , but started it about 2 1 / 2 years ago , as I remember . It was one of the first ones I found , in addition to what we called the " red dot map . " For some reason , ( probably creative avoidance ) I looked at it a little while ago , and saw the numbers at 55550 . What an awesome number ! ! I remember when I installed that one too - another great new " gadget . " It was glorious fun watching the international flags pop up one by one , and comparing them also with friends who were doing the same . Just thought it was worth a mention . Maybe I was thinking about the brand new blog now going on - a shop owner in Vero Beach , Fla . has just begun one , and I was thinking back to how much fun it was in the beginning to watch those visible stat counters . Now most of us have them that are " behind the scenes . " Anyway , now that Mary Agnes has figured out how to post pictures , which she did a lot quicker than I did in the beginning , do go visit her blog Needle Nicely . This is a rug by Lee that she has showing now , and I 'm sure there will be lots more to see once she 's up and running with this thing and her store ! When I was ready to start the icing around the green part of the cookie , I discovered that I didn 't have the right green in my stash in perle cotton , so decided to go ahead and use floss . That wouldn 't do in stem stitch , so I used chain stitch instead - and it worked beautifully ! It was also very easy to turn corners , whereas stem stitch wasn 't . After the usual trial and error part ( learning experience ) I found that six plies were perfect . This is just a fantasy , after all - not a real cookie . The entertaining part of this , as with most of these little ornament shapes , is the trial and error part - what will work and what won 't . I had originally thought to use # 5 perle cotton , but the French knot blobs disappeared . I switched to # 3 , and by trying out a few different " wraps " etc . , I finally got what I wanted . Every little spot of icing is made with two wraps only - some tight , and some very loose , as the one with the arrow . One wrap wasn 't enough , and three wraps made them stand out too far off the surface . Amazing ! Next - the " sprinkles . " I started using beads with needlepoint almost 15 years ago , and as I had nobody to show me how , I worked it out myself - so it 's an easy easy thing to do this way . The photo shows all that 's required for this project - the little medicine bottle caps to hold them , the beads , the long , skinny beading needle , and a wire needle threader . You can see that one came from The NeedleWorks here in Austin - ( mail order is quickly attended by these ladies ) . These last a lot longer than the little metal one that comes with the beading needles . ( I order my needles through Bead Buddies - link on my side bar . ) The other needle lying there is the chenille needle I use for surface embellishment - in this case , icing . When putting the beads onto the surface , I had to constantly remind myself that they would fall randomly when sprinkled over the surface , so I took care not to put them in any kind of order . I didn 't have the green or the white ones in size 11 , which would have been better , but didPosted by If you haven 't looked this week , be sure to go to Kristina Klarin 's new blog and see her photos and color " smears . " I really like this new format of hers ( formerly Kris ' Color Stripes ) , as she shows with her paint blotches the colors in proportion to their importance in the photograph - which is a lot more help than just equal sized stripes , or in our case , just pulling out skeins of threads . This is a wonderful way to put together a color scheme for a project in needlepoint - or anything else . Be sure to click on " color files " on the left side to see the swatches alone . As always , I 'm enchanted with Kim Smith 's artwork ! I received this card in the mail this afternoon , and had to show it here . She is not only very talented with her needle and thread and designing for needlepoint , but does the most beautiful of graphic art - whimsical , elegant , simple . I treat myself to a new small picture to frame from time to time , and never tire of looking at her artwork . I love the Santa on this card , carefully placing his simple ornament on the simple little tree - so different from all the rest of the " stuff " out there . What an imagination this lady has ! She does this in addition to working full time at The NeedleWorks here in Austin . Wow ! To see more of Kim 's art , go to A Kimberly Design - her blog . This is how it looks now - the first Shamrock cookie . There will be more swirls , and these are not tacked down yet , as I will have to move them around a bit to decide how much and where to put them . As always , with a new project , it didn 't go exactly as I thought it would . I had assumed that it would be a simple thing to push the end of the Memory Thread down through a hole to the back , shape the coils , and then put the end to the back . That did not work , due to the fact that the M . T . is very soft and very bendable . A learning experience ! That worked when I was making coral with it , but not for this . Instead , I cut short lengths , approximately 6 " long , and then shaped the coils , using needle nosed pliers . The M . T . , as it comes off the spindle , needs to be smoothed out by running it between the thumb and something hard and smooth . I 'm showing this mostly in pictures , as it 's easier to explain . There was more error than trial going on here , but as always , I enjoy a challenge ! ! Memory Thread is delightfully easy to work with , and has many possibilities - one just has to keep trying different things with it . I haven 't couched it down yet , and decided the best thing to do here is to place these coils where they look best - following the photo I found when I " searched " Shamrock cookies . Then I will place them on a tracing of the pattern so I 'll know where they need to go - and stitch them down one at a time onto the surface of the cookie . The last photo shows the coil after I twisted it to go in two different directions . This was easier , I found , than trying to make the " S " shape as it appears on the cookie - I tried it both ways . One great thing about surface embellishment is that if mistakes are made - it 's very very easy to take it off , as long as one is careful not to damage the surface of the background stitching . This Irish cookie thing seems a bit boring , but simple and boring are all I 've been capable of the last few weeks . Now , I 've started to envision uses for them , and have also looked at more pictures , and caPosted by The missing bag finally surfaced - at the very bottom of a large box , after I swore I had put it into a bag to carry with me in the car a few blocks . Anyway , back to the Shamrocks . This is , I 'm sure , old stuff to many people , but embroidery stitches are still a bit clumsy for me - especially on the surface of stitched needlepoint . I won 't show the whole cookie again , as it is a few posts back , complete with explanation of threads . For the frosting outline , which would be done with a pastry tube on the real thing , I used white DMC # 5 perle cotton . The picture of the plate of cookies I adapted from didn 't have this , but as the PVV " cookie dough " has more loft than the Vineyard Silk icing , it was necessary . Actually , size # 3 would have been better for this purpose , but not only would the small chenille needle ( size 22 ) be harder to thread , the # 3 would overpower the look of the Memory Thread I intend to use . I think I have mentioned that the chenille needle is essential for embellishing on top of stitched needlepoint , as a tapestry needle makes for slow progress and sore fingers . Stem stitch was begun at the top with one short stitch , and then progressed around the shape . The trick here was to get nice , smooth curves where they were a bit sharp - this just takes some playing and practice . By looking at the little diagram of stem stitch , you can see what is going on with the icing and how it 's done . In the deep inner curve in this picture , you can see the little short stitch I made in order to turn the corner smoothly . I have to remind myself that this is " frosting " and wouldn 't be perfect on the real thing . I 'll finish the outline in a little while during a movie , and tomorrow will begin the Memory Thread swirls . I think the dust is settling from this move , and creative avoidance must cease , as I have now found my tracing paper and paint brushes - no more excuses . . I already have something more interesting and challenging brewing in my head . The weather is cool now , so the energy level is up . Everyone shows off their pets at one time or another on their blogs , so I decided to share my daughter 's latest , as I am once again residing in her house to be waited upon hand and foot and well fed . ( She has a different version of this ) Anyway , as she and the little boys explained , these are not " eating chickens " but are " fancy chickens . " They aren 't used to me yet , so I only have this one photo , which Jennifer had to take , as they ran from me . Chickens are delightful creatures - not like I remember as a child when my grandmother had them for eggs and for frying . ( those were nasty chickens ) . This picture is " Fanny " - like my grandmother ( Frances Henrietta ) . OR the character Leslie Caron played in the movie with Maurice Chevalier . All five chickens are different , and they all have names . A dog across the fence ate Audrey before her wings were clipped , so she was replaced by " Betsy . " My SIL is an architect , so designed and built the lovely chicken house for them . The yard is enormous , so this is against the back fence with lots of space between the house and the coop . Jake ( age 7 ) decided we need more chickens so as to name them for Biblical ladies . He likes " Miriam , " and I like Rebecca . My daughter suggested maybe " Jezebel . " We could do the five women of valor in the old Testament , ( Bathsheba is one of these ) and then the " bad ladies , " as I believe there were several . That 's a whole flock of chickens , so Jennifer said NO . Anyway , these chickens made short work of interference by the three family cats . The dog - Godzilla - is a big , lazy yellow lab , who ignores them . Anne Stradal announced , along with her new post today , that her blog is now two years old . ( The Cape Stitcher ) Amazing . I decided to go back to my own origins and see when I started mine . I had no idea what I was doing , but mercifully , I had " met " Allison Aller , who graciously pointed out the errors of my ways and helped me along . Mine began on September 13 , 2006 . YIKES I had no idea how to do it . I didn 't even separate it into paragraphs . I had already fallen under the spell of the art crazy quilters , and had stitched this small stocking for my older daughter , Marie . Four years later , I 'm still mesmerized by this style , and continue to attempt to replicate those gorgeous things in needlepoint - the embellishment being almost instant gratification . Originally , I didn 't intend for it to be a totally needlepoint blog , and wanted to use a lot of the crafts I do , including my pottery - but gradually it became more needlepoint oriented . Incidentally , these were taken from the first page of blog posts way back then - the one that shows Sept . 2006 . You can click on that on the archives and see it from the beginning . The next photo ( taken with my first ancient second hand digital camera ) is of two greeting cards I had used to make transparencies - the way we did it before the craft stores started selling something they called " transfer medium " and making it more expensive and complicated than it need be . This was done with simple polymer medium . It was very enjoyable , and elegant decorative items were produced . I liked putting these onto candles , as when they were lighted , the light glowed through the picture . I also put them onto glass vases ( on the inside ) and then backed them with gold leaf - gorgeous vases for dried plant material . Today I was crusing around the blogs as I do each morning , and found that Kris of Kris ' Color Stripes has changed her format , and is doing her colors a different way . They are perfectly beautiful the way she presents them , and easier to use , I think , to create our own color schemes for needlePosted by I 'm still in the process of going through boxes in the garage , trying to find things from the big move - and dug out my Madeline 's needlework bag I had given her several years ago . As she was the daughter of two lawyers , she actually had a will at the age of 13 , and left me this lovely bag and its contents . Now that it 's been a little over two years since we lost her , I could go through it without shattering into pieces - and found the very first issue of Needlepoint Now that I wrote my article for . It was May / June of 2007 . Funny thing - Carole Lake was my neighbor , but we never had time to meet for coffee at the neighborhood coffee place for a good giggle and gossip session . Anyway , writing for this magazine has been a life - line that has held me together , as I told Elizabeth Bozievich not long ago - it 's what has kept me going for the last few years , as it came at a time when great stress and crisis were beginning , and I was just recovering from a near fatal episode of heart disease - things like a son going to Iraq , and my children deciding I needed to move out of my house and into my daughter 's guest quarters to be sure I had proper care . ( I was not nice about that one ! ! ) To back up a bit , I think I was primed and ready for it when Joyce Lukomski asked me to do it , as I had spent recovery time playing with my new toy - the computer my son gave me . I was given two or three months time left on this planet , but put off exiting , as I found the art crazy quilters , and the wonderful world of blogs , and new inspiration for needlepoint design just everywhere I looked , as well as wonderful friends I never knew were " out there . " - so had to put it off a while . ( That was 4 1 / 2 years ago ) . Then just when I was facing the big move 3 1 / 2 years ago , Joyce contacted me - and it has given me a continuity of purpose and the next deadline to meet , and the next project to work on - something organized and necessary on which to focus ! ! I 'm ever so grateful this opportunity came along . I lost my beloved granddaughter two years ago , aPosted by Self indulgence is a good thing sometimes , and as I have had to make yet another change of address this week , I have been wallowing in self pity and decided to cruise the internet and place a few orders . Even a good move can be traumatic ( this one was ) , as now I can 't find anything and feel kind of disconnected . I cannot find the little bag of the current needlepoint project , along with my thread clippers and needles - major stress ! ! It was to be for a new blog post . I have also not found the box containing my paints and brushes - withdrawal going on here . However , I have been looking at my favorite blogs again , and will direct you to wonderful things . First , the contents of my mail box today . Quite a mood elevator , as it all arrived at the same time ! ! The soap is from Seventh Sojourn . ( The link is under " good stuff " on my side bar as " Wonderful Soap " ) Here you can see Almond Kiss and Luxurious Lavendar . There also was an " Angel " with a wonderful scent , but my daughter saw it and snagged it before I could make a picture . These soaps are not only delightful in scent , but are soooo good for the skin , and keep my hands from turning needles black . The tea is Winter Dreams from Tea Embassy - also on the side bar under Good Stuff . It 's a delicious loose tea I enjoy in the evening while I read . The Netflix is a movie I 've never seen - don 't know how I missed it , but expect it to be good - The Notebook . Next , if you haven 't already been watching , do go to The Cape Stitcher and see the development of the wonderful Nutcracker Suite ornaments Anne Stradal is stitching . Hers are different from what one usually sees " out there , " as they are based on her years of experience with both attending from early childhood and dancing this great ballet - and passing along the Christmas tradition to her sons ( now grown . ) The text is as delightful as the characters ! This one is " Coffe . " Allie Aller is now beginning a " house portrait " that she loves doing , and is just now almost ready to begin the embellishment - well worth watching at Allie ' Posted by
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" Well kids were almost to the airport ! " Sam Drake said happily . He was a tall man in his late 20 's . He had light long brown hair . His kids , 13 - year old Jimmy who had black hair and was dark . And 9 - year old Andrea . She likes to be called Andy . She was pretty . With blond hair and blue eyes . They were in the back seat of the blue jeep cherokee . " Jimmy would you stop reading that X - Men junk . It 's too violent , " Sam said defensively . Jimmy looked up from his comic and just said " Dad I 'm thirteen . " " And Andy stop playing that game gear , " Sam said . She repeated , " Dad I 'm thirt nine . " " I see where you get your sense of humor . " Sam laughed . They pulled in the parking lot of the airport . " Got all your stuff ? " Sam asked . " Yeah " they said at the same time . " Good I hope Chris is around here . " Sam said while looking around . " He 's a dork . He 's mean and he doesn 't like Ruby ! " Andy yelled . Ruby was their dog . He 's at the pound . " Yeah Dad the jerk 's a total loser . I mean he always smacks me on the back and says ' hey kiddo . ' He annoys me Dad . " Jimmy said while putting headphones on . " Look he works with me and we gotta check it out . Ahh there he is . Hey Chris over here ! " Sam yelled . Chris turned around . And started running toward them . He was very tall . In his early 20 's , he had thin black hair that always stayed in place . He wore a gray buisnesssuit with a white shirt under it . He carried a large briefcase that Andy probaly couldn 't carry . He shook hands with Sam and slapped Jimmy on the back and said " Hey kiddo . What 's up . " " Nothing . " Jimmy mumbled . Jimmy whould of kicked the craip out of him if it wasn 't for Sam . " So what 's this park about ? Is it like an old park with just roller coasters and rides ? Or anything exciting ? " Chris asked quickly . " Slow down . I think you 'll like it . You see I don 't know . But my brother Micheal works there , he invited me , and he said it was really interesting . " Sam said . " Sounds great . " Chris said entThey walked into the control room to meet the workers . Jimmy stared at everything then spotted the long window stretching all around the room looking out at the park . " Wow . " " Jimmy listen . " Sam whispered in his ear . " - and people will pay lots of money to bring and pay me to come and look at the park . Find that interesting kids ? " Max went on . They didn 't answer . " Now you can meet the group . " Max said happily . Jimmy noticed a strong man with uncombed black hair , tanktop and jeans . A tall weak man who didn 't look the least bit interested . A short teenager , some mexican people , a fat guy in a police uniform , and a guy who looked like a used car salesman , and a man with long blond hair . " - and so thats everybody you need to meet . " Max finished . He noticed Andy looked quite bored too . At the end they gave Sam a flare gun and six flares . Just in case . They finally went to look at the hotel . They walked outside through some grassland to the hotel . Drake led them to their rooms . It was on the top floor and Andy and Jimmy had a great view of the whole park . Sam and Chris 's room wasn 't as good . They had a nice room in all but the view just showed some grass . What Jimmy didn 't understand was why there were bars on the windows . He found it quite rude . I mean it 's not like the monsters are going to attack us . " Now your sure you got everything under control ? " Jack asked Raymond . " Yes everythings great . The only problems that chip . I need to get it . " Raymond said . " You mean this chip . " Mac walked in holding a computer chip . " You took it ! " Raymond yelled . " Uh what . I - I don 't get it . I found this lying around in the hall someone should of dropped it . " Mac said nerveosly . " Did you see who took it ? " Jack asked . " Um no . It was just laying there . " Mac replied . " Well thanks Mac . Now go back to work . " Raymond said . " Well looks like you got everything under control now , huh . " Jack said happilly . " Yeah I guess . " Raymond replied . Is there a more affirming thing a teacher could write to an 11 - year old aspiring author ? About 12 years later , Arthur Kopit would scrawl a similar sentiment to me in the front cover of a collection of his , a gesture that I cherish almost as much Ms . Conlon 's simple words . Granted , Ms . Conlon only read the first five chapters of the novel before becoming " too busy " to finish , but I digress . Jimmy was me . Well , perhaps some idealized version of me . One where I was a few years older , bratty but assured , a hero who had loved and lost ( we 'll encounter Jimmy 's heroics and failed courtships in later chapters ) , a kid on the verge of adventure and affection . Okay . I 'm giving him a little too much credit . There 's nothing very interesting about Jimmy . He 's rude and boring , as was I at the age of 11 . I honestly didn 't have much of a life . Not many friends to speak of . When I think of sixth grade I remember the following things : 1 . Wrestling with the YMCA . In one of his many bids to foster my athletic side , my father signed me up for wrestling classes . We practiced at a local Detroit - area high school that was littered with bullet holes and smelled like sweaty plastic . I kinda hated it , but not really . I hated getting up at 6AM to drive to Southfield for tournaments , but I still have my one gold medal I won ( as well as the one silver and several bronzes ) . I used to write when I came home from practice , often while eating a TV dinner and watching The Monkees . 2 . Andrea . My " girlfriend ( ? ) " . Tall , blonde , awkward and bespectacled , Andrea was my first girlfriend . My brother saw a photo of her and famously quipped that she was " ugly as sin " , a phrase I still attribute to him . She had a birthday party and I told myself I 'd kiss her but I never did . She was much taller than me and I broke up with her while my friends listened in on the line and giggled . It was awful and so was I . I may revisit this ( and other ) middle school crushes and romances ( so few , but so potent ) in later chapters , as I remember Jimmy does have some emo moments . 3 . Jeremiah . My best friend and worst enemy . I still write about this kid . We met in first grade and rekindled our friendship when we both ended up at the same middle school ( L ' Anse Creuse Middle School North ) . When he found out I was writing a book , he began one to spite me . He never finished . He went from being wildly supportive to oppressively demeaning at the drop of a hat . He was , in many ways , my only friend . And my only enemy . 4 . Yesterday I was discussing ( tongue - in - cheek ) several of my life 's most traumatic events with a psychologist friend . We were trying to pinpoint those moments you can concretely recognize as catalysts for your deepest fears , etc . We spent the bulk of our time discussing the last five years or so , but I 'd be remiss to not bring up Wagon Wheels West , the first of two melodramatic Westerns my middle school produced during my tenure at LCMSN ( the third was a melodramatic jungle adventure titled Hurricane Smith , which bears no relation to the " black rage kung fu " epic of the same name starring Carl Weathers ) . Stakes were high on getting cast in Wagon Wheels West . As one of about 20 students in the Beginning Drama class , we were looked at as the kids to beat , as the kids to carry LCMSN Theatre to the next level ( I smirkingly realize how ridiculous this sounds ) . These were also our " expected friends " . A tight class like that , built on interaction and team - building , meant that these were your companions , but also your competitors , for the next three years . We were all on the verge of stardom or failure at that time , just waiting for the first big audition . Now , Wagon Wheels West 's sub - villains were three goofy gunslingers with alliterative names I can 't recall . At the time , I thought the comic stylings of myself , Jeremiah , and another " sorta - friend " would be perfect for the roles , but they ( unsurprisingly ) went to eighth - graders . This was fine , there were at least thirty roles and there had to be a place for go - get - ' em wildchild such as myself , right ? Jeremiah got cast as Josiah Aimless , a minor role . Sorta - friend Darren was cast as a soldier with no lines . And sorta - friend Chris got Chuck Wagon ( yes , Chuck Wagon ) , the lead ( as a sixth - grader ) ! When I opened my slim envelope ( Mrs . Hannert , the director , left envelopes in her classroom to pick up in the morning ) , I didn 't see the colorful cast list and rehearsal schedules that everyone else had in their fat ones . There was simply a white piece of paper and a few cocktail words about how there were only so many roles . I was devastated . I cried in front of my friends . I watched them high - five , watched them giggle as the eighth - graders patted their backs , raising their eyebrows in a sort of paternal admiration . I remember walking through the cafeteria on my way to the buses every day , passing the stage where Jeremiah and co . would be laughing and practicing , getting a wave maybe , nothing else . I was an instant loser . It was sixth grade and every single one of my friends / sorta - friends was cast in the play and I was not . And every day in drama class , every time I hung out with Jeremiah or the pretty girls or any of those sorta - friends they regaled me with stories from rehearsal and how amazing all of it was and sad it is that I didn 't get cast . It was a dark time , honestly , followed by a much darker time the following year ( one which also relates to an LCMSN play and is on the traumatic list ) . I understand this may all sound rather trite ( it does to me as I write it ) , but I suppose one of the points of this blog is to gain a kind of understanding about who I was at this age as I wrote this book . And where it came from . And where I came from . See , middle school was a formative time for me . Middle school was a horrible time for me . But , shit , when I was in middle school , I would 've died for the girls I had crushes on . I would 've sold my soul for a good role . I would 've sliced my wrists onstage , bleeding out in the name of some shitty melodramatic Western . Emotions were almost impossibly high at that time in my life , and I think so much of that began with not getting cast in Wagon Wheels West as a goofy gunslinger ( or a solder with no lines ) . In lieu of all of that , every day I came home and wrote this book . And when I think of loose timelines , I was probably writing this chapter ( or something near it ) around the time I didn 't get cast . In the same way my play Lamp & Moth brought me comfort as I adjusted to Char being gone and losing God and faith , Death in the Making brought me a comfort as I reconciled myself with being an outcast for the very first time . But wait ! We haven 't really discussed the chapter ! That 's okay . This chapter is , more than any other , the most blatant ripoff of Jurassic Park , from the helicopter ride to the " beatiful " scenery to the bars on the window . My continuing obsession with setting up Steve Hicks as a character stands out , as does Drake 's pointless list of other employees , some with names so aggressively fictive that I wonder what method I was using to create them ( Agan Bason ? ! ) . The introduction of Chris Links is fairly important , as that character offers a surprising amount of pathos later on . What I 'm perhaps most struck by , though , is age . I was eleven , writing this book . Park employee Jack Russell is described as being in his teens , Chris Links ( an assistant manager for a major theme park corporation ) in his early twenties , and Sam Drake ( assumed owner of a major theme park corporation ) is in his late twenties with a thirteen - year old son and eight - year old daughter . Clearly , I didn 't understand age . And to wonder where I expected to be when I was in my teens or my early twenties is a sobering thought . Where did I expect I 'd be ? What did I want to do ? Write books ? Be the next Mark Paul Gosseler ? I dreamed , as we all did , of being loved and respected and famous with no doubts , no filters , no expectations , no heartbreak , no understanding of what it was to fail . What Wagon Wheels West gave me was my first true failure , and is there any more potent ? I say yes , but only half - heartedly . The fact that this chapter is called " The Victams " , and victims is spelled " victams " , and beautiful is spelled " beatiful " and so on and so on speaks to my then - innocent desire to know things that I did not yet understand . I was so young , right on the verge of so many life lessons , so many aches and pains and friendships whose violent end vomited loss and heartbreak upon an heretofore bright sky . Keep writing . You 're good 🙂 Sure , it 's life , I know … but to remember an age where age was practically irrelevant … well , it makes me feel old . And a statement like that brings us to the edge of a deep , dank well that nobody needs to look into just yet . So … yeah . Coming soon : Chapter 4 , The Tour Embarrassing : " Well other people well there 's Jackson , Steve Hicks , Kasey Simpsom , Cooper Michaels , Jack Russell , Duran Jones , Agan Bason , George Blanton , Bart Robinson , and there 's others . " Drake informed him . Tags : colburn , death in the making , l ' anse creuse middle school north , randall , wagon wheels west Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a Comment » Note : All spelling and grammatical errors are there for a reason . And now … Chapter 2 : The Heist Raymond sat in his office typing on his computer . He was tired . He tilted back in his chair . He opened his drawer and pulled out a pack of cigerettes and a liter . Raymond lit a cigerette smoked it and checked his watch " 6 : 30 . Half an hour left . " He said breathlessly . He lay back and fell asleep . Then there was a knock on the door . " Hello . " Someone said . " Anyone there . " The person opened the door and walked in . " Allll right . Now let me look for this . " The man said . The man opened drawers and looked . " Man . Where is it ! Ahh the computer ! " The man said . He opened the disk package and pulled it out . Then the man left . " This is finally gonna get me some respect . " The man said quietly . * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * " Hey yo , bro , what 's up . " Drake was on the phone with his brother Sam Drake . " Yeah whadayya need . " Sam said groggily . " Look we finished the park and we need some people to come and test it . And I thought you and your kids and whoever else you want to bring . " Drake proposed . " I 'd love to ! Great I can 't wait to tell the kids ! I 'll bring the assistent manager , too . Chris Links . That 's his name . A real smart fellow . " Sam said excitidly . " Where 's Jimmy and Andrea now ? " Drake said . " There in the family room watching some dumb predictible show . Full House I think . And Andrea hates her name so call her Andy . She really likes it . " Sam said still excited . " Okay go to the airport on Saterday and there will be a helicopter waiting for you at about 8 : 30am . Got it . " Drake said . " Got it . See ya . " Sam ended . Drake hung up smiling . He was happy . He liked seeing those kids . He got up from his chair and left his office . Right when he left he heard fast footsteps coming at him . Suddenly he felt an arm push him into the wall and he watched a dark figure burst past him with something in his hand then he ran on the elevator . " Man who was that in such a hurry ? Death in the Making : Prologue mai This blog began as a way for me to chronicle my interest and analysis of shitty entertainment . I love shitty entertainment . It makes me smile . But alas , it proved too hearty an endeavor in a stretch I best describe as " doldrumtastic " , a stretch where getting laid just wasn 't enough , a stretch when I didn 't much feel like analysis of any medium . It was a dark time for your humble narrator , but I 've bounced back and retooled . I miss having a place to upchuck and since I find blogging for the sake of blogging boring ( and since I 've been revisiting Sufjan ) , I 'd prefer to couch my thought - vomit in a concept of sorts . " The text on some pages are bad . So please don 't kill me . He - he . Now this copy won 't be perfect but when I review it top to bottom it will be better . " " Jackson dove off the ledge of the huge mountain into the crashing waterfall feeling pretty nauseous . He has never been that nervous in his entire life . Will I live or die ? Will I live or die ? The question kept going through his mind . Suddenly he felt a burst of cold cover his body . I 'm in the waterfall . Falling . Cutting through water like a bullet . As he damped in water he opened his eyes . It was a blur of wondrous colors . From light blue to fluorescent green . It was beautiful ! Suddenly Jackson started to feel loose and happy . He spread his arms out far and put his legs together . Then he twirled and twirled in a circle while falling . He didn 't know why he was doing that . He just felt it . " In retrospect , I realize this 11 - year old was describing his craft . Now I 've always believed that change is a cosmetic illusion . But what he seemed to grasp is what I now strive for . " Suddenly Jackson started to feel loose and happy . He spread his arms out far and put his legs together . Then he twirled and twirled in a circle while falling . He didn 't know why he was doing that . He just felt it . " Silas Burton wandered helplessly through the huge forest of the unfinished amusement park . It was nighttime and everyone was gone . Something scurried across his feet . He screamed and fell . He wiped off the dirt on his khaki shirt he noticed a footprint . " Oh great ! Someone 's around . I gotta follow the … Oh my god . Oh man . " He stared at the footprint . Only it wasn 't a footprint . It had three toes and a strange marking by the hoof . Then he realized the marking was the marking of the company he 's in . And the markings are on the bottom hoof of each main attraction monster . But those were locked in the storage area . And no one was in the control room . " Oh my god I gotta get outta here ! " He started running until he came to the mountain . He stared at the beatiful scenery . A 500 km drop . Deadly . Well there 's the ladder better go down it , " he said . He heard a rustling sound in the bushes . " Aaah ! " he screamed . He felt something stab him in the shoulder . He grabbed his shoulder and pulled out a claw . He pulled out a packet of band - aids . He took one out and put it over the bloody wound . He put the band - aids back in his pocket and headed for the ladder . Suddenly something wacked him in the back and he fell and grabbed the side of the mountain and hung . He saw a figure of some sort but was too dark to see . He felt a sharp pain in his hand he went to grab for it and suddenly remembered he was hanging . He let out a bloodcurdling scene and toppled into darkness . What I remember : Jurassic Park . I saw the movie some rainy afternoon . I bought the book at a SEARS . I read the book in Science class . I didn 't get half of it . I liked the bloody parts . I don 't remember beginning , although I vaguely recall writing this section long before I wrote the rest . The off - color appearance of the pages , coupled with the especially faded script , contribute to this theory . I recall reading it to Mike Ethier 's mother . I recall her being struck by my use of " khaki " . Rightly so . I barely knew what khaki was . All I knew was that Michael Critchton 's characters wore it . Which is really where much of this began . When I met Vernell Lillie she told me how August Wilson 's earliest writings were simply imitations of writers he admired . John Guare wrote about how he 'd type out the first three acts of Chekhov plays and then write the fourth act himself . Art often begins with mimicry . Many writers never grow past that stage . Critchton was my Chekhov . Death in the Making is Jurassic Park . There 's even a Velociraptor . Anne Rice took over eventually . But we 'll get there later . " … [ It 's got ] more of a comedic value to it . So , uh , it 's funny . Ya know , it 's to entertain the public . I love it , I think it 's really funny and I hope you will , too . " - Brody Jenner on Bromance This quote bothers me . This quote makes me uneasy . Why ? Because Brody Jenner … how do I put this ? Brody Jenner , well , he , um , kinda won me over tonight . For this hour , I saw the charm . Not the charm that gets him laid more than the average porn star , but the charm that makes people want to watch him , that makes people want to be around him . In the Pilot ( I love calling it that ) , Brody was the bullyjock , the sideways trucker cap , the sticky man - boner . I laughed at him in the same way I laughed at the popular kids I didn 't secretly emulate . This week I laughed in the same way I laughed at the popular kids I did aspire to be . I laughed because … because he was kinda funny . And most importantly , I laughed because he came across like a genuine person . When Brody said , " I don 't want a jock , I want a friend , " I BELIEVED HIM . And I know , I KNOW I probably shouldn 't ! I shouldbe smart enough to realize the producers were like , " Brode , last week you were party dude , this week you 're sensitive dude . " And Our Man Jenner prolly flipped up his aviators , scratched his balls and shrugged . " Whatever , man . " But I don 't want to believe that , g - dammit ! Because for the briefest moment , this son of a b - word felt ( to borrow Bromance 's favorite word ) … real . In a way that Bret Michaels or Flava Flav or Paris Hilton has ever been on their shows . I mean , the competition 's not stiff , but like it or not , those are your peers , Jenner . Now , to me , the term " real " is just an unimaginative way of saying " genuine . " Real is whatever is at any given moment . Things are real because they exist . But when somebody drops the image and listens ; or stops joking long enough to say something about what makes them tick : That 's what we can call " genuine " because it comes from an honest place . It means something . When Brody opens up about his family , or talks about how he and his dad have a shitty relationship , that shit felt genuine . And to watch somebody open up who , up until now , came across like a football with hair , well … there 's something about that . There were more tears in this episode than in my bed on New Year 's Eve . The emotion flowed . The characters became people . And sure , basic lesson , right ? How easy is it for us to forget people are people ? Easier than I think we realize . So with all that said , lemme reiterate something : “… [ It 's got ] more of a comedic value to it . So , uh , it 's funny . Ya know , it 's to entertain the public . I love it , I think it 's really funny and I hope you will , too . " - Brody Jenner on Bromance Yes , I can see where he 's coming from . It is silly , it 's called Bromance . But Brody seems so quick to dismiss , in words and body language , that there was something " real " about the experience , that it was more than few chuckles . His casual demeanor , his insistence that it 's only entertainment , this cheapens the fact that Caveman 2 sobbed over his longing for a distant family , that Gary the Dancer cried over a rebuke from Femi , that Femi tearfully pleaded his case that he 's earned this more than the others , that Our Man Jenner has loved and lost and found empty solace in one blondtourage after another . This quote makes me feel like whoever wins just amiably parts ways with Brody , never to bask in the promised Bromance . Should that make me sad ? I don 't know , but right now it does . By the end , will the show have sunk into MTV 's vaccuous vat of waxed emotions like , say , The Pick - Up Artist 2 cast did ? As Cake so eloquently put it : Perhaps , Perhaps , Perhaps . Bromance is not The Wire . Bromance is not even Full House . But Bromance gave us something genuine in this episode , something I didn 't expect from a show of this caliber . And maybe I get invested too easy . Maybe I trust too readily . But to give me something human , and then to dismiss that ? Brody … How off - put did Brody look when Gary told him he was straight ? Odd choice in the editing room there . The same goes for the awkward shot of Luke sipping the margarita and saying , " Delicious . " C ' mon , guys . What do you say about the epic mountain of cleavage that is the Rock of Love saga ? I 'll begin by saying that Rock of Love , to me , exists as a cultural petrie dish containing an incredibly specific , endlessly frustrating , but eternally fascinating slice of our society . These are not the girls you see everyday . These are not the girls you see in the movies . These are not even the girls you see on The Real World . These are the girls you see on TV . Okay . There 's a porn scene floating around the interweb where a guy ( sporting an obnoxious member ) is running a game show where the winner gets to bone him . It 's played comically , tongue - in - cheek . If there 's one thing I love about porn - at - large it 's their refusal to take themselves seriously . Now , Rock of Love slowly circled the gates of PornLand in the first season , with Hunky Uncy Bret gushing about his desire for a soulful , spiritual connection while soliciting blowjobs at every turn . The show 's massive success , coupled with Bret 's unlikely emergence as a somehow - still - sexy idol , made for a second season whose ads played up the slutdom , going so far as to insert a digitally enhanced member for our humble hero . Bret 's pleas for love and transcendence came off all the more hollow as blowjobs became creepily mandatory . Choosing the less promiscuous of the two babes at the end did little to change the show 's image . Basically , to bring it back around , Hunky Uncy Bret Michaels has become that Porno Game Show Host . These women are competing for sole ownership of Bret 's cock . He is there to facilitate , to move things along , to engage in a little bit of chit - chat . One day , some time back , I found out some great news . That night , I went to a party . It was a great party . Friends , laughs , drinks were all in abundance , consumed copiously by yours truly . In the midst of this , I met a young lady . Young lady liked me . Young lady took me to her home . In some swirling haze , our hands like snakes , we listened to Tom Waits and made out for what felt like hours . She changes . She 's wearing an Eraserhead t - shirt . And I didn 't get it . Tom Waits crooning about closing time in my ears , all I could do was think about how we would share this singular moment again and again . I could love this girl , I thought . I really could . The central conceit of any of these dating shows ( a conceit which has pervaded our society ) , is that love at first sight ( or even love in first week ) is a tangible reality . These shows coast on our country 's idealism , on our tired insistence that love conquers all . And us cynical SOB 's watch and we laugh because we 've experienced what Elliot Smith so mournfully sang about : The Morning After , and all the while we 're clinging to or rejecting the explosion of emotion the previous night 's intoxication brought with it . In the season 2 finale , when Uncy Bret sheds tears at the final elimination and the world scoffs , I believed every second of it . But he knows better . In the end , we all know better . It 's all about what Nietzsche called the Dionysian . Unlike the Appolonian , which emphasizes creation , order and clarity , the Dionysian revels in intoxication , sexual license and destruction . There is no logic when you 're in the Dionysian ; there is only the joy of the moment , regardless of how destructive you know it really is . And of course , no one can live there forever . Not even Bret Michaels ! What we 're all sobbing about when we have to choose between two busty blondes , it 's simply the Greek God of sex , drugs and rock n ' roll invading us like the Holy Spirit . And to call that love ? Well , I guess that 's some form of idolatry . Now , Bret said if he doesn 't find " it " this time around , he 's quitting . Bret , homey , I 'm with you . Quit while you 're ahead . She doesn 't speak . She grunts , bellows and cackles . She vomit - barks . My theory is that she is either a robot invented by an evil , twisted , mad science douche , or she is a beyond brilliant performance artist ( along the lines of Marina Abramovic ) who immersed herself so deeply into the role of Nikki after subjecting herself to every form of plastic surgery that she has lost all semblance of self . We 'll never find out , though . She was voted off , and while I couldn 't believe the producers would get rid of such a specimen , she was obviously on heavy , heavy scrips or some shit . Hellllo , liability . Big John : " It 's just like a puzzle . Big pieces on the bottom , small pieces on top . " That 's not a puzzle , BJ . That 's a pyramid . No one under a C - cup . And I 'm being generous . If they 're C 's , they 're big C 's . All girls , unless they somehow make their presence known in a positive way ( like Beverly ) , will be referred to as Cleavageface . Why does Bret keep wearing shirts with his name on them ? He did this when he was hosting a Vh1 countdown , too . After 22 years in the business you 'd think he 'd of learned his lesson by now . Eric Nies : The buff guy from the first Real World is now the Gary Busey of Confessions of a Teen Idol . Raw foods and holy healing . Don 't trust this punk . Now , if this was a show about these guys when they were famous , they wouldn 't be nearly as lovable . Most of them lament their petulant youth , clogged rich with boozy logjammin ' , painting the portrait of coked - out douche personified . Years of failure , arrest and bad luck has stripped them of said douche and now they 're a lovable bunch , egoless and amiable . Shows like this , devoid of elimination and populated by people who 've actually , ya know , been through shit , are always much more interesting than the vapid fame - chuggers that populate most reality fodder . There was an especially interesting moment in tonight 's episode when David Chokachi ( I think he was the hot Australian on Baywatch … ) threatened to bail after being " punked " by the show . He didn 't want any of the theatrics that accompany most reality shows , expressing the trepidation he faced when making the decision ( something that is so rarely chronicled on these shows ) . He wanted a beneficial experience , he wanted positivity . The man wanted to revive his career . The show hangs its concept on the word addiction , which I don 't necessarily think its earned . What 's especially unsettling is how this word is bandied around by seemingly everyone ( Baio , Hervey , the shrink ) but the participants . These guys don 't come off like their addicted to fame , and none of them ( I don 't think ) explicitly states that they 're desperate for that old glory . This isn 't crack . This isn 't porn . They 're just looking for work . They 're entertainers , right ? They don 't wanna be Brody fucking Jenner , they want acting work they can be proud of . I mean , I used to live by a Moe 's . I went to that Moe 's at least once a week back then . It was great . I ate up those burritos , I indulged . Moe 's was a tangible part of my life . Now there are no Moe 's . At least not anywhere near my apartment . And yes , I wish there was a Moe 's that I could attend . Does that make me addicted to Moe 's ? Looking at a few of their IMDB pages , I didn 't see much work on the horizon . And that this point , that kinda makes me sad . I 'm rooting for Nies especially … although I 'm not really sure where his talents lie … 1 ) Some years back , my friend David R . Smith introduced me to a little movie called McBain . McBain stars Chris Walken as Bobby McBain , a Vietnam vet on a mission to overthrow Columbian drug warlords . McBain falls into a genre of film I 've dubbed " Post - Vietnam Revenge . " McBain really wanted to be good . It really wanted to say something about our society . But McBain is bad . McBain is awful . Yet McBain nights at Dave 's apartment drew huge crowds . McBain discussions bordered on the revelatory . There were laughs . There were discoveries . Why ? Because McBain is brilliant . Because there were things to be learned from McBain . About our culture , then and now . About art . About expression . Oh yeah , there 's A LOT to make fun of as well . 2 ) A few years ago , in a little town in Illinois , I turned down sex to watch Troll 2 . My old playwriting professor used to tell me that crap was good . I agree wholeheartedly . That 's why my buddy Tim and I started B - Rated , our still - embryonic online bad - movie review show . Because I think there 's just as much joy , just as much revelation in the shit as the gold . And I love the gold . And I 'll maybe write about the stuff I love , too . And about my life , because that happens . But this blog is mainly about the shit we injest on a daily basis . And what we can get out of it . For an example , check out a couple episodes of B - Rated . A brief intro to your humble narrator : My name is Randall Colburn . I 'm from Detroit . Well , the Detroit area . Or , um , suburbs . But I 'm hard like I 'm from Detroit . At least that 's what my mom tells me .
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I don 't celebrate my birthday usually . I will go along when others prepare something for me and I enjoy it . It is nice to know someone has thought about me . But I won 't make a big fuzz of my birthday . A cake for work ( although not in my current job ) if I feel like it . There are many reasons but mainly I get very … " thinky " . I recab my life until now and how it improved from my childhood / teenage years up to now . Like the mom of my best friend during my teenage years once said to me " Your life is like a badly written novel . " Well , not anymore , ma ' am . I had an eye test and found out I need glasses . Before the eye test I went to check my balance on my bank account to see if I could afford glasses right away . And it said roundabout 400 Euro . For two weeks is fine . I was thinking of buying a nice thing for my husband because he has his birthday this week as well and I wanted to see if I find a nice thing for him . Well I had to pay almost 300 euro for the glasses and the eye test . So yea … Kinda panicked at that point because 2 weeks for 2 people with not even 100 euro left , no electricity or bus tickets bought . Anyway , I am currently really sick so wanted to take it slow today and just rest a lot . Well did not get to that . Our flat looked horrific and I just couldn 't look at it any more . And no matter how sick I am , I have to get at least the worst of it done . So cleaned around , dishes , laundry . baked some stuff . Made a nice cake for birthday . Mostly for the man , not for me . Because I don 't make a nice cake for myself . Watched some stuff on Netflix while doing my thing . But I can feel how it is taking it 's toll now . I am just really really sick . I was before but it is not getting better because I am not resting . Sometimes I click through this blog and I see a post from a year or longer ago and I would still agree on the things I wrote then 100 percent . But I look back on older blogs that I had before this one and I am interested how radically some of my views have changed . For example my view on military . On another blog , in a community I am in , I wrote about military in a delusional way where nowadays I have to face palm that this was what I really thought back then I am also still a hippie inside . But it is so hard in this current world and society to let that shine through . Those nice ideas to save people , the world , society … Just getting crushed permanently . I still don 't feel like a woman inside and sometimes it makes me feel very … dark inside . I can 't even describe it . It is a horrible struggle between , loving my husband too much to go for transitioning and feeling that I am not me until I get to transition . Hard to deal with that , especially around things like women 's day or so . I think this is my actual only personal struggle I have . I am pretty sure that a lot of my underline issues would be solved if I got to transition . But although my husband understands that my mind is not female and he loves me for that , he just is not into male bodies and he expressed clearly that he doesn 't know if a relationship would be possible if I transitioned . Yea it hits me hard once in a while . On occasions like my birthday , hooray . So questions why I don 't feel like celebrating ? I do understand that growing up is a bitch ! I grew up too . Everything changes . Your body , your thinking , your environment . Your interest in relationships starts , you have to get more and more ready for adulthood . Nowadays the internet plays a huge role in our lives . So bullying attacks as well as self - promotion on the net are a big part of the lives of kids nowadays . Then comes school being more and more pressuring . It all mounts up to something that current adults did not have to deal with when they were teenagers . I see a lot of arms that are full of little cuts , not too deep but visible . Kids like to make a photo and post it wherever they get attention . I get it , you need your problems addressed , but cutting into your skin is not the way to do that . What people will react to is the fact that the skin is cut and not why it has been done . But the other type I see , are the real cuts . The ones that stem from a soul that has been deeply hurt and the only way to silence this psychological pain is to inflict physical pain to overwrite what is happening in the mind . It is to shut up the voices and to stop the thoughts . Even if it is only for 2 minutes of piece , it will be done . Those cuts are very deep , they need medical attention and stitches . Before I met my husband , I cannot remember a time when I was not depressed . I grew up with deep depression and I had enough good reasons for it . There were more and more very valid reasons added throughout the years until at some point , the depression became so unbearable that I had to find ways to free my mind even if it was only for seconds . I became quite good in finding new ways to shut my brain up for a little . Originally I had a very descriptive paragraph here where I described the things I used to do in order to stop my brain . In order to stop circular thoughts that kept me awake . In order to turn off memories that I did not want to remember . In order to just have my damn mind shut up for just a minute . Once I had worked out my traumata , the self - harm stopped as well . It is all connected . Nowadays I am not the happiest person alive but I know how to deal with my problems , with memories I don 't want to have , and with everything in - between . I still have the tendency to get depressed , simply because my brain is wired that way , after all I grew up depressed and my brain adjusted physically . But the good thing is , I learnt to identify when I am getting there and I can stop it . As I said , I know growing up is a bitch . Puberty is a bitch , School is very stressful . The other kids are mean . First love and first breakup are really shitty . The body and mind changing is scary . Knowing that you have to prepare for being an adult is scary . Here another tip : A good friend is not defined by " we can cry together " . A good friend listens to your problems without judging you and without telling you what to do . A good friend is just there for you if you need them . At all the parents : Shame on you if you are unavailable for you kids . Don 't be surprised when they start doing stupid things if you never taught them any better ! Do you think that your kids will be able to function in live if you miss educating them during the most important years of their lives ? Shame on you ! I am offering my ear / eye and a virtual hug , if you need someone to talk to and you have no one else . If you need someone , you can always comment or send me a mail to clos3rlook at gmail dot com I promise I will read it and if you want , I will answer as well . Just don 't do something that hurts your body in order to deal with your mental pain . For me personally it was quite a journey . I went to therapy for a while but it didn 't help me at all . I am the type of person that wants to fix their problems themselves . I am not happy to sit in a room with a stranger and tell them my story and have them tell me stuff like " you know , you can 't change it anymore , it 's in the past . " blabla roll eyes . Right ? I get that feeling . I knew the things the therapist said to me back then . I went through that phase of " I can 't change the past " long before I went to therapy . What helped me was time , meditation , and writing . Those were my main factors in healing . And how long did it take ? Well about 6 years . Yes . It took about 6 years for me , to fix my issues , to get back on track . The 12 years of depression before that could of course not be fixed over night . I had good reasons to be depressed and it just took time . But : Writing letters . If you have been hurt or a person has caused you deep pain or trauma , it helps to write them a letter that you will never send . Just write it , and let it all out . Hobbies help as well . For me it was music . Other people might have different hobbies , just do what you like to proof to yourself that there are enjoyable things on this planet . Talk to people . Even if it is not face to face . Maybe you find a forum or an internet friend . Getting some feedback helps to put things into perspective and to see things from a different angle . Recently I saw a video of a guy I am subscribed to on youtube . He usually makes something gaming related but he also vlogs from time to time . Over all great guy and very funny . I was very surprised when he made a very serious vlog about depression . I was surprised because it is very difficult to make other people understand how it feels and that it is nothing against them . Yes , for you it might sound like a " just this " . In reality you can 't feel happiness . When you are depressed , the feeling of happiness is nowhere to be found . You stare at your favourite book , at the instrument that you usually enjoy playing , at the whatever your hobby is , and you feel nothing but sadness . You can 't do something fun because nothing is fun . You can 't go out because you feel too weak . You can 't do something you like because you like nothing . Someone who is clinically depressed ( meaning that a doctor diagnosed you ) can 't just simply snap out of it . It feels like there is no colour in the world . Everything is just grey and black . Everybody else seems to be happy . No matter what effort you make , you can 't be happy like them . This depresses you more . You question yourself and every bad choice you ever made . You , unconsciously , block out everything that you have ever done right and if you don 't block it out you know that it was not your own effort ( even if that 's not true ) . Things that usually make you smile are now not interesting . Food doesn 't taste good and you don 't have an appetite anyways . You forget to eat or you use the feeling of hunger to prove to yourself that you are still alive and that you can still feel * something * . You try to force your body to feel things because your have no emotions . You don 't care about hygiene and order anymore . You stink and your place looks like a trash depot . Nothing is interesting and all your problems seem impossible to solve . You are forgetful and tired and people get annoyed at you for it . In return you hate yourself even more . I was depressed for the majority of my life ( 20 years ) and just recently ( about two years ago ) found ways to detect when I am slipping and to do something against it . Why not earlier ? Therapy doesn 't work on me so I needed to work everything out on my own . I had to find my own techniques and I had to study myself a lot . The first step of this was realizing that depressed is not a state that I want to keep . I didn 't know that I was depressed . I knew I didn 't like how I felt and that not everybody felt that way but I did not know that this can be changed . Try not to force anything on them . Just be available and make clear that you are available . Be there physically . Bring a cake or a book . Offer to listen , to talk , or just to be company . Don 't say " I know what you feel " because it is likely you don 't . Don 't feel sorry for them , just be there . Being there is usually the only thing that you can do . If it is not possible to be there in person , send them a text , call them . Anything , just make yourself available . I know how difficult it is to open up even to your best friend . Just let them be with you , it 's for your own good . Make sure you have someone to talk . And if you don 't feel like talking about the cause of your depression , talk about something else . Or just sit there in silence and know that someone is there for you . Don 't be alone in this difficult time , you need someone by your side , even if you are telling yourself that you are strong and you can do it alone . It 's not about being strong or weak . You feel this way and it can go away but you need to be the one working on it to go away . We were having a conversation about a good friend who is having a little rough patch in his relationship . He was telling me some things and in the end I told him how it 's all a normal part of a relationship . I mentioned how my husband and I tend to fight over stupid little things sometimes or how we sometimes fight so much that we both go into complete shutdown . And nevertheless we are having a great relationship and love each other . Rough patches are a part of the package . When we met I was in a bad place . I didn 't care about anything anymore . I had met him online and moved in with him after only meeting him once . I left my country , carrying a package of problems and debts on my shoulders . Moved in with him , not knowing the language , not knowing if he is a crazy psychopath . I was unable to deal with negative things ( trauma ) so I got scared and cried every time he would just so much as speak in a serious tone ( not even raise his voice ) . I see a future , I care about myself and my husband . I have plans and enjoy live and love . I am over all the bad things . I learned to deal with negative things and I am improving my social and emotional skills . It 's all on an upwards spiral if you like . Around the age when I asked my mom was when I became depressed . And I stayed depressed for almost all my live up until about two years ago . You know , you don 't just heal the depression . It is a blurry time when you get better . I was suicidal for many years but I really tried to kill myself only once . And you see , I am still alive and I am fine . Understand that for me it seemed like the only way to solve my problems . That 's because I was so depressed that I saw no other way anymore . I thought I had exhausted every other way of solving my problems . In the end I found a way and now I quite enjoy living . When I was at that point I started researching what other people thought , what they did . I actually read a book on suicide methods . I watched documentaries and vlogs and read a lot . Until my hunger for knowledge was gone . But , I understand that our society is maybe not ready for a big step like this . People don 't want to accept that nothing needs to be wrong with you , if you wish to commit suicide . People don 't yet understand that it can be a very warm and loving experience for the family . I feel very much alive right now . I love living , I have many things I want to see and experience . I love being here and I plan on staying on this planet for many years to come . If you are depressed , please call a help phone . They are usually for free and you can talk to trained and lovely people there . They have resources for you . If you are suicidal and you really want to do it , please consider calling a suicide line . They are also for free and are also staffed with trained people . Do never - I say again NEVER - feel ashamed to call out for help ! These people are there just for you , they are waiting for you to call , so do it . They know how to help you . All my life I have been a mother . I have been a mother without choosing to be one . It has been pinned on me . I was my own mother for most my life . And once I was old enough , I mothered my mother , who never mothered me . My mom is a hippie . Now for many people that might sound like something very nice . It sounds like freedom and open minds , like creativity , Woodstock , and colourfull clothes . Starting at about 10 years old I had to take care of her more than she did about me a lot of times . Financially we were way under the poverty line . So I guess that her money troubles were so important that she forgot how to be a mother at that point . Instead of checking my homework , making me do chores , and teaching me about life , she told me about money troubles , her stalker , her depressing past , and her suicidal thoughts . She was there , she loved me , no doubt about that . But she did not know how to be a mother . She tried , but sadly she failed . The good thing , I must say , is the fact that I turned out to be a very self dependent person . I usually don 't need anybody to do anything for me , I will sort stuff out . I am great at organizing things quickly and efficiently . I am great at helping friends when they have a problem , no matter what problem that is . I know where to go and what to look for in most problem situations . After all , I did this all my life . I sorted all my school troubles without having my mother involved because she refused to get involved in anything . I made sure that stuff gets done at home . When my brothers were at home I made sure they were somewhat under control . I would put the blanket on my mom when she fell asleep . I would clean the flat when needed . I would help with the shopping . Every time I had a side job I put two thirds of my money into the household . When I got my first full time job I still put two thirds into the household instead of saving up to move out because my mom had no cash to keep the household going without that . Once I moved out I still kept buying groceries for my mother because she could not afford it . And once I couldn 't afford it anymore either , I was still available as the mental safety net that my mother needed . She told me her sorrows and I caught them and I gave her advice . And every time she followed my advice , things would improve for her . In the mean time I got very very sick , mentally . I needed help but my mother was unable to help because I was her help , I could not tell her that things are too much for me now . I was 22 at that point . I am 30 now . My depression is gone . I worked hard to get my sanity back and some things are still a bit difficult but I am working on it and my husband is a great help . Recently I had this trip back ( see my post about home ) and it was horrible . It put me back in this horrible state of mind . I was so dependent on my husband to be there and to keep me sane , it is difficult to put that in words . Starting on day one , I got this weird headache that did not go away until we left the country again . Also the day we met my whole family I was so moody ( for no apparent reason ) and my hands were shaking so bad . Now my mother and I are still in contact via Facebook but the problem is that even with about 2000 km between us , I am still her " mental trash bin " . Every time she gets in touch with me , she will tell me how life is bad , how her health is spiraling downwards , how this and that . I used to try and help with all that stuff . I explained to her how to fix her health , to take her medication properly and what will happen if she does not . I told her that she needs to eat ( she is diabetic ) I told her about her other medications , what those do and why they are important for her life . I found numbers / email addresses / contact centers for all her worries and problems . I even got her in touch with people that she needed to get in touch with . Nothing helped . She says she wants to fix things but even when all the solutions are being handed to her on a silver plate , she will not take them . I cannot keep doing this . If she really feels she wants to die , then that is her decision to make . She has scared me with this for too many years , I don 't have the energy to spare anymore . I can 't keep investing all this time and energy if she doesn 't appreciate it . She once told me ( I was 14 ) that if I wasn 't there for her she would kill herself . And now she did not sugarcoat that , she said it like that . I am sorry , but that 's a bit too much . I can 't enable her like that any longer . I may sound cold here , but I can 't see her as my mother . Indeed I see her as a dear friend . Not even a best friend because my best friends don 't just take from me , they give back . I actually feel ready to become a mother to a child at this point . I would love to have a little one and have it grow up to be a great person . I would love to do that . A little baby - leela that will get the care and safe feeling that I never had 🙂 Let 's see when that is happening 🙂
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So that you don 't think my mom was the only person on Crazy Street you should meet baby sis LL . She definitely was a piece of work to reckon with . Let me tell you one of her tales from when she was 17 . LL had a girlfriend , Kelly . They were certainly besties , not a term from the day , and came from the same pod . One evening while they were supposed to be at the movies , they met up with some fellas . LL had a strict curfew , due to other violations , so she needed to come home but Kelly did not want to . So , LL took her to the fellas house and came home . The next day , Kelly 's parents came looking for her . It was a Saturday so we were all home . My parents asked LL over and over if she had a clue what happened to Kelly . She continualy said no . Kelly 's parents were worried sick . Both sets of parents went on a hunt going over to all of her friends homes asking questions . I called everyone I knew . Several hours later the phone rang and LL answered it . She said she would be back soon and I did not give it a second thought . When she returned she said nothing . LL knew the whole time where she was . The phone call , it was Kelly saying she was ready to come home . LL , went and got her , took her home , and said nothing . She felt it was no ones business where Kelly was and she was not going to say a thing . We found out by accident when the girls were bragging about getting away with it to their friends . What happened to LL ? I became her permanent chaperone for the summer . Posted by When ever there is a disaster you brain will mark the location of where you were when you heard about it and what you were doing . I was working for a marketing firm as an account representative . I was not aware of the situation when someone from the office brought it up . I remember being shocked that kids where killing kids and wondering what kind of anger would be necessary for such an activity . But what I remember must was the anger I felt for my mother . She had nothing good to say about the parents of the teens that committed the crime . She condemned them as the criminals as if they themselves had pulled the trigger . She was full of " if only 's " . If only the had paid attention to their children , if only they had kept an eye on their kids , if only they had known what was happening . Coming from her it was most hilarious . Well I can certainly come up with my own list of " if only 's " for her . Oblivious , that is the word that describes the true state of mom . She angered me so much when she accused these poor suffering parents that I started to tell her how little she new of her own children . I preceded to ask her if she remembered telling me I had to quit cheer - leading because my grades where bad in Biology . Me : No I didn 't , I just told you I did . When we had games I would tell you I was going over to Judy 's to study bio . Mom , who was Judy . Me : Mom there was no Judy , you never asked her last name , you never ask for their number , you never confirmed with her mom . I left , went to school , dressed in the locker room and never missed a game . You were oblivious to what I was doing because you never suspected we would defy you . Do you remember telling LL she could not see her friends down the street any longer because they quit school ? Well she went down almost everyday while you were at work . You never had a clue what we did when you were away from home . There was no one around to check on us so we did whatever we wanted and you were never the wise . As for what goes on in the house ? In 15 years you have not gone to the basement of this house . You would have know no more than those poor parents did . You are being very unfair to them . Sounds awesome and frightening all at the same time , unless it is your life . The trick is to survive the ride . The constant mantra in my childhood home was , " what will the neighbors think ? " To which I would reply , " what neighbors ? we live in no mans land " . It never ended well after that . The house had to be clean , and I mean clean , at all times . Before school all beds were to be made , dirty clothes downstairs , dishes done and something out of the freezer for dinner . CLEAN My mother would take hours to clean our house . Don 't get me wrong it was a big house with 15 rooms , but 3 were in the basement . For mom , cleaning the house meant starting early , around 8 am . From there she would start to dust the living room , stop and have a cup of coffee . Then the vacuum would come out , stop and have a cup of coffee . Then she would move to the hall and downstairs bedroom , oh wait , stop and have a cup of coffee . Then the bathroom toilet , no need to clean the shower , we were not allowed to use it . If we used the shower water could get on the floor and this would cause the floor to cave in , right , isn 't that what happens ? Oh yeah , time for coffee again . When little sis and I clean the house , it took about one hour . We obviously do not know how to clean the house . But wait , we didn 't drink coffee . Today she will tell you we never lifted a finger and she had to scrub the house every day . That even when she worked split shift she would clean between shifts . Now keep in mind we lived 30 minutes from town and she didn 't drive . It is what I call revisionist history . One day when my parents came home , little sis and I went to the lake with dad to swim . While there we could here a women screaming . After looking around we realized it was my mother up in the parking lot yelling at my dad . I wanted to swim under the dock and hide . When we got up to the parking lot she was furious . Little sis and I had forgotten to sweep under my grandmothers bed . It got to a point that my father would call us before he went to pick mom up from work and say , " get the house clean before she gets home , " so he would not have to listen to her . DIRTY CLOTHES All families have dirty clothes . Washing those clothes may vary from family to family . Mom washes in some houses , each person washes their own in others or a designated family washes everyone 's . In our house , I was the one responsible to wash the clothes once I turned 13 . The laundry was in our basement . ( You need to know it was an old house that was leaky . Mice were normal , even snakes at times . If the rain was bad , water would start to pour in . ) Laundry had to be taken to the basement daily . Once in the basement it needed to be sorted , washed , dried , folded and put away . Yes I said put away . I had to put everyone 's laundry away for them . One day , while in high school , my father made a point to tell me that he needed his undershirts washed . So when I got home from school , I washed and dried his shirts . Unfortunately for me I failed to put them in his armor . Instead , I put his folded clothes in the chair in his room . The next morning I was awakened by my bedroom door being kicked in . There stood my dad , yelling about not having his shirts . The roller coaster in motion . We kept two deep freezers full of food and a rather large pantry in the basement of our home . Each day , little sis and I would take something out of the freezer and place it on the counter to thaw for dinner . This day I forgot . Not little sis but me . It was my responsibility to have the meat out so little sis could cook before mom got home . When I did get home , my dad opened the door to let me in . I had a glass dish in my hands that he offered to carry for me . I started to walk past him only to find myself planted in the stairs . He had had to go to the store and buy something for dinner and listen to mom complain . I was sent to my room for the rest of the night , no dinner , and told I would be paying for his dinner . Abuse comes in all forms and I was experiencing them . L / J did not try to help even though they had moved on and little sis was fighting her own way , with defiance . She would fight to the breaking point . Where to begin ? The kind of question I ask every morning when I wake . I start to look around the house , at my girls , and what I have on my to do list and say , " where do I begin " . To quote Rogers and Hammerstein , " lets start at the very beginning , it 's a very fine place to start " . But which beginning ? We all start life the same , cute and innocent . But as we start to grow our lives diverge in many different directions . The first few lessons we learn will shape our lives for years to come . For me , those lessons would haunt me as I got older . Obedience , that was the key word in my home . You will be obedient or you would learn to comply . You may ask yourself , what does comply mean ? Just what you think . If you were not obedient the consequences may be as mild as go to your room or as severe as a beating . I don 't mean spanking , I have no problem with spanking . I mean beating . But since spankings were normal in most households at that time it never occurred to me that what we were experiencing was not normal . There were other forms of punishment that we will explore at a different time . I remember when my husband and I were first married and I started telling him stories of my childhood . Although he never said anything , I know he felt I was exaggerating . Then one year , at a family thanksgiving dinner , he heard all of my sisters telling stories . They were the same stories with no divination . He later apologized and said he could not believe that we really lived that life until he heard it from all of us . I can only tell you stories that my sisters have relayed to me and know that they are accurate memories of theirs . We seem to have run in pairs , the oldest and youngest fought to do their own thing regardless of the rules and myself and other middle sister tended to comply to avoid being punished . It was a game , if you knew the rules you could play and win , if winning was possible . L / J have very vivid memories of being locked out of the house as children . When my mother cleaned she did not want anyone in the house that might make a mess . So , if they needed water , she would shout use the hose or if they need to go to the bathroom , she would say go to the neighbors . The house was far more important than they were . As even smaller children they remember a night that the folks came home late and mom found a dirty glass . She woke them both up , pulled all the dishes out of the cabinets , put chairs in front of the sink for them to stand on and made them wash every dish they owned . The sad part is she does not deny these things . She says " she likes a clean house " . This is the stuff movie scripts are made on . My earliest memory ? When I was approximately two , my sister was turning cartwheels in the yard and came too close to my stroller . She ended up kicking me in the mouth and knocking my tooth loose . Now we all know that the teeth will reset if the child is taken to the dentist and he braces one tooth to the other . But that would require spending good money and that was not going to happen . So at age two my father took me to the bathroom and twisted my tooth until it broke from the root and came out . I am convinced I remember this only because it was so traumatic at the time . My next memory was as traumatic as the first . I was only four at the time . In the sixties , doll houses were made of metal instead of wood or cardboard . The edges were rolled under and not sealed . One day while playing I was startled and jerked my hand out of the doll house . I sliced my hand wide open and blood was everywhere . Again , instead of seeking medical treatment and spending the money , my fathers answer was to take me to the bathroom and pour an entire bottle of alcohol over the wound and wrapping it in gauze . I still have a scar on my right hand . When asked about it today he says , " well , it didn 't get infected did it ? " I am happily married to my husband , Jerry , for 21 years . We have two beautiful children , one in college and one entering the 3rd grade . I work as a ministry aide in my home church and run a pantry to feed families in my county .
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Actually , it kinda felt like Spring a few days ago . I was feeding in the evening , around 5 : 45 p . m and it was still relatively light out . The birds in the big rotten Larch tree were even singing . It really felt like March out there . . I couldn 't help but linger a bit longer . I raked the hay barn and straightened a few things up while I was enjoying the mild evening ( ofcourse it gave me an excuse to not be involved in dinner prep ! ) This past week we have been enjoying a few days of sun with mid to high 40 's . The typical end of January thaw , just to tease us ! We have not had any further snow fall since earlier this month . For the next few days , we are slipping into our inversion season , where the fog gets stuck in the valley and the cold damp weather is trapped . 25 degrees feels like it 's zero out . . damp cold . . and you can 't see more than a half mile ahead due to the inversion / fog . We don 't see much sun . I saw a statistic somewhere indicating this area I live in has one of the highest % of antidepressants prescribed from December through March . I can believe it . S . A . D is a real thing here . It gets downright depressing from all the cloud cover and cold . Vitamin D supplementation helps some to fight off SAD ( Seasonal Affective Disorder ) If not , I go sign up for a few weeks of tanning bed time . 10 minutes a couple of times a week won 't kill me . The benefit outweighs the bad I think . I might go shopping this weekend for one of those Happy Lights . and set it up on my desk at home so when I am working , I get the added benefit . Another helpful tactic I try to take is plenty of rest and plenty of exercise . I started a new video program , T25 by Sean T . I honestly can 't stand listening to him after having done Insanity but the 25 minute workout was appealing . Trying to get back on some sort of workout routine has been challenging . My motivation has been in the tank . ( I really just want to start riding ) . T25 is alot of core work combined with Interval training . It 's only 25 minutes but it 's intense and so far , I am definitely feeling plenty challenged . I keep telling myself it will just help with riding when it gets warm enough . I have been re reading the book by Ingrid and Reiner Klimke , " Cavaletti " to get my mind geared back up for jumping excercise . Its a book for schooling the green horse ( and rider ) over caveletti and building up into gymnastics for jumpers . It has some great info in there and helps me make a plan for Brego . I can 't wait to get jumping . Tomorrow we are loading up and going over to an indoor . I have moved a few of my jumps over to the arena and the plan is to haul over once a week . It 's very close by so time wise , it should be manageable . The reason I chose this one , among several available out there , is that it was described as having good " basic " instructions , regardless of your skill levels or knowledge of clicker training . I have alot of horse training knowledge but have never done anything with clicker training so basic was good . It also claimed to have good pictures and with something like this , I thought that would be ideal for me . It also had alot of positive reviews . So far , my impressions are in line with it 's claims . I feel confident that I can follow these instructions and gain some level of success with Otto . Normally , when it comes to training horses , I don 't prefer the " recipe " approach , meaning , follow these steps , 1 , 2 , 3 , etc to obtain response X . We have been throwing as much feed ( hay ) at Otto as he will eat . . and eat he does . My GAWD this horse has an appetite . I think he outdoes JB in the appetite department , and I never thought I would live to see another horse put away groceries like JB does . JB is not a big horse either . Ofcourse , in Otto 's case , he is growing and he is alot bigger . His weight is still , in my opinion a little light but I think I am going to fight that for a while yet . At the same time , he doesn 't have ribs showing anymore and he has " thickened " up a bit . I guess I will just continue to throw huge amounts of hay at my Hoover vacuum horse and be thankful we purchased an extra 5 ton of hay we didn 't think we would need . . because now we probably will ! His energy levels are more than adequate and I think he feels really good , considering all of his antics in the pasture . Regarding his growth , I was curious and wanted to see how typical or Atypical his growth rate was . The last time I had him into the vet on November 22nd for his last round of catch up vaccines , he was 760 lbs . That was 100 lbs heavier than September when I took him in the first time . I found this chart to give me a visual representation of where he was at for his breed . According to the ranges listed he should be somwhere between the 2 or 3 . Surprisingly , his growth rate fell closer to the range 2 . I thought he was alot bigger than " average " for his breed and age ( 19 months when I did this ) but according to this , he isn 't . Interesting . . . He has gotten more challenging to handle in the last few weeks as the stud attitude has only increased . I was hoping to avoid this but it seems he is one of those colts that has the potential to be very studdy . He is very mouthy and wants to bite alot . He isn 't mean about it . . no ear pinning or anything , but those hormones are just telling him that is what he should do to greet people these days . . uggh . . How do I get lucky enough to get a colt who is exhibiting two of the habits I hate the most . . rearing and biting . . gheez ! ! ! I am somewhere between trying to not make a huge issue out of the biting and trying to ignore it when possible , and also correcting it . Sometimes with the " bitiness " behavior , it 's tricky . It can easily create a bigger issue when trying to correct it . Horses can get to where they think biting is a game . When a horse goes to bite , what is our natural reaction ? ? well for me , it 's yell something like . . " hey " or " Knock it off " , and then smack the horse in the shoulder or wherever I can make contact , sans the eye area . It 's just that , a natural reaction , but I don 't think it 's necessarily the right reaction . If this cycle continues , it sometimes turns into a cat and mouse game for the horse , , try to nip the human before they scream and smack them . I really want to avoid that . So , what is the right thing to do ? ? I am still working that out in all honesty and would welcome any insights but here is what I have implemented in the meantime . I use the flag . * * * As a important thing to note here , I have done alot of flag work with Otto already to set the ground work . He understands that the flag is not something to fear . Correct application of the flag is all about intent . Using the flag for Otto 's biting issue is to keep him a safe distance from me , which in turn seems to negate the temptation for him to bite , especially whenever I feed him . He respects the flag and understands that he is to stay away , but he did test things out the first few times , turning his butt and backing up to me with his hind quarters . Not cool buddy . . not cool . . He got the business end of the flag right on the rump and quickly realized that wasn 't the answer . He is a quick study , I will give him that ! . . When I bring his grain bucket in , he stays away , about 4 - 5 feet , until I have the bucket attached to the hanger and ready . Then I " ask " or invite him to come in , ears forward , and I allow him to eat . If he is the least but pushy , I send him off again with a shake of the flag . I only shake the flag with as little energy as needed until he moves I also make sure that once he is eating , I can rub him all over with the flag . He understands that I can ask different things with the flag . That is key and I find it works best to often reinforce this idea . It 's easy to get caught up in using the flag to send a horse off . I try to be pretty specific about how I use the flag . My queue to invite the horse in is to drop the flag ( plastic bag end ) in the downward pointing position at my side . This is all great for the time being but it doesn 't solve everything . The down side is that it dlimits my interactions with him . Anytime I come in close , the biting attempts begin and the boy parts start dropping . I am pretty sure I don 't look like or smell like a mare . . good grief . For now , I am limiting my interactions in close with him . No , it isn 't ideal , but the way I see it , until I can get him gelded , the less negative interactions and the less likely the biting will become a habit . Don 't get me wrong , I still halter him , brush him , pick up his feet , but we limit the time I am doing that for now . He 's pretty sure that everything needs to go in his mouth If there was ever a bratty 2 year old stage , he has definitely hit it . The vet really wants me to hold off on his gelding until the footing is better . . That won 't be until March . Hopefully we can manage until then . . . and didn 't , and so on . I also had some time to think about what I want to accomplish in 2015 . For 2014 , the job and the stress of it was an overarching theme Meningitis . I honestly don 't remember ever getting so sick for so long . It was SEVERAL weeks before I was on the mend BUT I learned some valuable lessons . The job is got onto a healthier path . My old knee injury haunted me a bit and kept me from getting into trail running but I did do some great hikes in the area that I have long wanted to accomplish . I actually did a lot of hiking . I have a whole list of new hikes I want to do this coming summer ! See below for some visual graphics of those ! I attempted to purchase a new horse related online retail business but it fell through and as always , things work out the way they are supposed to . At the time , I didn 't see it that way and kicked myself for dragging my feet . Hindsight is always 20 / 20 and as time has gone on , I think it would have been a bad move . In order for it to have been successful , I would have been traveling and working so much in my free time that it would have reaped me of more horse time , something I can 't afford ! In November , I slipped in the ankle deep muck while crawling through the fence rails in the corral and in my attempt to not do a face plant , I managed to pull my hamstring . It was totally dumb and less than graceful . The good news is that I didn 't fall , but the news was I tore ligaments . It was painful and when it first happened , I couldn 't walk for several minutes . I just stood there , kinda of stuck . . Eventually , I limped into the house , Just walking was a chore for about two weeks . I spent alot of time sitting on an ice pack and taking anti inflammatories in order to stay comfortable . Even now , I still can 't bend over with a straight leg , like to tie my shoes . Any attempts to stretch that leg or do any deep squats are still a challenge , but it 's slowly getting better . I can atleast get myself into the saddle now . I never realized how much hamstring muscle is required for this . As far as my 2014 horse related activities , they were pretty buddy Rebel . What 's Ahead ? ? Who Knows . . ! ! ! I do I have a few goals that I really want to accomplish . Some hose related , some not . Starting with the horse related ; pretty nicely , finally learning to relax a bit more at a trot and canter . Maybe enter a local show if things come together right . 2 . Ongoing ground work with Otto - He needs more work with his feet handling , standing tied , ground driving , lungeing , 3 . Trick training for Otto : I have wanted to trick train a horse for very long time . I tried with Maggie and only got as far as a partial bow . I was able to train her to jump up onto a pedestal on a verbal command but that was as far as I got . Otto seems to have a disposition for it so I want to delve into a bit more . I am looking into the whole Clicker training concept to achieve it . I am still in the research stage which involves doing a lot of reading up and watching video before I am comfortable enough to start . I have found some useful information from Alexandra Kurland , and I have also found a good resource at Catkin Farm out of New Zealand . I get their weekly newsletter about trick training horses and so far it 's provided some useful information . 4 . Keep JB fit - He 's an uncomplicated ride and is most suitable for pleasure and a little dressage to keep him strong . I might have a young girl interested in helping out in that department . She loves horses and used to come out to ride Rebel from time to time . She 's a beginner rider so he would be fine for that . 5 . Distance riding - I have this as # 4 only because I am not sure its possible given I don 't really have a horse for it . Tom has offered for me to condition Brego for that but given that Tom rides Brego a lot , it might prove to be a challenge . There are two rides that I have my eye on . One is in Washington and one mount . We will see how it all shakes out . 6 . Get a good camera and get into some Photography , maybe take a course . I have always loved photography . 7 . Hiking in Glacier National Park - Two hikes I want to bag this year for sure are Grinnel Glacier and Cracker lake . Grinnel is a 300 Acre glacier and sits just below the Continental Divide . Cracker Lake has some of the most beautiful Turquiose colored water in the world , apparently . Looks amazing ! The only down part to both of these hikes is the likelihood of running into Grizzly . Both hikes have high populations because of the high elevation and particular location . I will have to be sure to pack my bear spray . . that also leads me to another goal . . 8 . Obtain my concealed Weapons permit - I have been around guns all of my life . My dad has always been an avid hunter so guns don 't bother me at all . however , I was used to shotguns and Rifles . He was never a big Pistol man so I never really got exposed to them . My husband is however . He has alot and shoots them alot . He has tried to help me with that but for some reason , whenever we have gone to target shoot , the pistol freaks me out . I think its the fact that the barrel is so small and close to my body or something . . So I need to take a class and try to get over this . 9 . See Crater Lake in Oregon . If everything works out the right way , the ride in Oregon could coincide with a parallel vactation of sorts . 10 . Ride my horses into the Bob Marshall Wilderness for a pack trip and see the Chinese Wall . The " Bob " as it is know locally , is a wilderness area with some of the most amazingly beautiful rugged scenery . But . its not easy to get to . You either have to hike or ride for many many miles to see its treasures . Some of the trails are not exactly easy two track either . One of the big attactions , possibly the most sought after for those going into the wilderness is what is known as the Chinese Wall . It is a 1000 foot Limestone Formation those goes for miles unbroken . I believe it 's about a 60 mile trek in to get to it . In all honesty , I doubt I will get there this year . It requires a minimum 2 week chunk of time . It 's been on the list for a very long time . . and will remain so until it happens . I actually don 't care if it 's on horse or on my own two feet . I just want to see it . Someday . 11 . Continue with outdoor house / property projects to prepare to sell the place . We are eventually planning / hoping to sell and move . We don 't know where to yet . . just somewhere with less winter . . . and more riding opportunities . It 's a process and isn 't going to happen overnight . . especially for hubby as he is a teacher . . the whole retirement thing plays a huge part in that . We like Oregon , Idaho , parts of Arizona and Nevada . Part of the # 9 above is to do some exploring of the southern Oregon area . So there 's my list . . now that I have put it all down in black and white , its just a matter of working my way through it . Execution is usually where the difficulties begin ! Meanwhile , we are just slogging through winter doldrums . Riding when we can and keeping ourselves occupied with other activities when we can 't . Snow has I snuck away for the week after Christmas . I headed to sunny ( or what I anticipated to be sunny ) Arizona to get out of the cold and visit my sister . Originally , the plan was to meet my parents down there so we could all get into some warm weather but that isn 't quite how it all worked out . My mom 's long awaited surgery ended up being schedule just before Christmas so she would not be able to travel . By the time we figured all that out , it was too late to change my flight because I was dumb and booked through priceline . I wouldn 't really be in wide open desert or what I would refer to as the " country " ( do they even call it that in the desert ? ) I would be staying in a house in North Scottsdale housing development . I had a rental car so I could have some freedom since my sister had to work three of the 5 days that I was there . Yep , I was on a solo vacation . . mostly . . . Who goes on vacation to spend time alone ? Apparently me . Nonetheless , that is how things shaked out and I was determined to make the best of it . Luckily , my sister got me a guest pass for her fitness club so I spent most mornings there working out and enjoying the hot tub and sauna . My sister has 4 Corgi 's that require a whole routine of attention , so that alone kept me hopping in between . I spent time hiking , walking in nearby parks ( mostly looking for an opportunity to lay eyes on the Havalena 's that frequent the suburbs ) shopping , etc . When I didn 't feel like going and seeing anything , I spent time watching TV shows that I don 't have at home since we don 't have dish or cable , like Naked and Afraid . I couldn 't believe people volunteer to put themselves through this ! ! . I was thinking the whole time " why am I watching this ? " It was like watching a train wreck . I just couldn 't look away . Thank goodness I don 't get alot of TV shows at home ! What a colossal time void ! I did make it up to Cave Creek a couple of times and loved that little town . On one of the days , I took a guided hike into the Sonoran desert . The only wildlife we saw was a Cardinal . . of all things . . My guide was entertaining and relatively knowledgable enough about things to keep the conversation interesting . I was in a small group with two other people , a married older couple . We planned to take a four hour hike to Elephant Mountain . We stopped alot to talk about Cacti and in spite of being interested in learning all I could about Cacti , I really wanted to make it to the top of the mountain . Unfortunately our pace was too slow because the guide took too many stops to look at the various types of Cacti ( I was less than intrigued about an hour into the hike ) We had to turn around , about 1 mile short of the top . I was slightly dissappointed ( ok alot dissappointed ) at this but I suppose the top of that mountain probably would have just given me a view of more Cactus . I quickly let the goal driven side of me go and just went with it . In the broader scheme of things , it didn 't matter . I wasn 't in negative 15 degree weather like they were having at home in Montana . It was about 50 degrees out . While native Arizonians were running around in boots and winter parka 's , it was pure bliss to me ! Well in Arizona , don 't plan on relying on this sort of tactic because everything looks the same . The buildings are the same height , the landscape is the same ( cactus follow by more cactus ) and oddly enough , most buildings or shopping centers are hidden well behind cactus , trees , etc . They don 't build tall buildings outside of the main cities . You could take a right turn and BAM , your in the middle of a large shopping center that you didn 't even know existed from the road ! The common Barrel cactus is often referred to as the Suicide cactus because it grows towards the rising sun in the East . Eventually it starts leaning so badly , it falls over . Bad design . Lot of tipped over dead barrel cactus out there . I always wondered how the Saguaro supported what appeared to be a tremendous weight , with it 's arms extending way out in a variety of directions and impressive height . Inside the Saguaro there is in fact a support system . Saguaro have ribs , that run vertical . The ribs are woody poles that run from the bottom to the top of the main trunk of the cactus . It 's pretty cool . If your stuck in the desert and try to drink the fluid in a Saguaro , you will still die of dehydration . The fluid inside the cactus has a high saline level , meaning it 's salty . The Cholla cactus also has a lot of names . It 's commonly known as the Teddy Bear cactus or the jumping Cholla . The jumping part is because while it doesn 't actually jump , if you brush it ever so lightly , the segments can break off easily and stick to you , ie jumping . Our guide did a nice demo of this with a stick . The Teddy bear name is because it kind of looks fuzzy , like a Teddy bear but definitely not one to cuddle with . Unfortunately , I no sooner got home and found myself later that night boarding a medflight because my mom had to be flown back to the hospital in Seattle for an emergency post surgical complication . Given the nature of the surgery , it was beyond the local hospital 's comfort level so they made arrangements to fly her back . There was no way my mom was going to manage being alone , even if there were flight medics aboard . It made the most sense for me to go along . It was all such a whirlwind . I think I was home for an hour to see my dogs , see my husband , grab a bite to eat and then I was back in the clouds once again . I could not believe this was happening . The plane was also no commercial jet . It was a small prop engine and to make matters , we were getting a terrible snow storm . The ride there was less than comfortable . It felt like we were a ping pong ball being tossed around . They had my mom strapped onto a gurney and she was facing me . I was trying like hell not to seem worried , so as to minimize any additional anxiety for her , which was already through the roof . Inside , I was terrified myself . . and since I had been up since 3 : 30 that morning to catch my flight from Phoenix , I was exhausted . We made it to Seattle in 2 hours , landed safely and were swept off the ER . I have been in Seattle ever since , mom has had yet another surgery and possibly needing another one yet . We aren 't sure . . I do get to go home today and other family members are arriving today . At home , the hubby has been dealing with his share of issues . We had several days of sub zero weather , followed by over 30 inches of snow in a 12 hour period . It took him a full day to shovel and snowblow his way out to the road .
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What were you guys really up to at the Axiom ? We want to know ! Please share your craziest story about something that you did or witnessed at the Axiom in the comments section below . The best story will be chosen by J . R . , Julie , Rebekah , and Mark on Mon . , October 1st . Contest winner will receive two weekend passes to the Axiom Reunion , a set of complimentary drink tickets , and an Axiom Reunion T - shirt . The winner will also be invited to tell their story on stage at the event . Bring it on ! Heather Fails Says : September 10 , 2007 at 1 : 02 am | Reply GBH was playing , I got hit by a car going about 45 miles per hr . in the middle of White Oak and McKinney as I was walking across the street . I had gotten in a fight and the douches driving the car thought I was a nazi skin . I came back to the Axiom for my first time after that on a walker . What about the time after hours , when Dave Burton tried to save the old lady next door and got his throat slashed . Then he chased down the guy and shot him in the ass . After that when the cops came they told Dave he could finish him off , but he didn 't . That was a strange night . We learned that the green fungus on the wall in the shower made it the absolute last resort , fine for Gwar , but we had to draw the line somewhere . this shower made you feel dirtier after using it ! Somehow a water hose while standing on a pallet over a hole in the corner of the maggot colony ( Francisco 's studios ) 2nd floor was ten times better . Their were not any walls to grow fungus on , just empty space … That 's a different story … Tom Turmoil Says : September 20 , 2007 at 3 : 28 pm | Reply Holy shit this is fun ! HA HA ! The night I step in the whole in the bleachers split my chin on the fan in the corner while on acid and had Bliss Blood help me stop the bleeding . I also brought a drinking buddy down one night ( on acid ) who got into a hassle with the doorman and the doorman popped him in the head with the flashlight and this guy ran off into the night kinda spasstically down Mckinney . axiom20th Says : September 21 , 2007 at 2 : 27 am | Reply I remember when Joe was living at Francisco studios he went into a long spiel to me about how he could live in any kind of filth as long as his toothbrush was clean . That 's where he drew the line ! He had bought one of those little caps you put over the bristles to keep them from getting germy . It was one small , noble gesture against a sea of contamination . Skater Dave Says : September 22 , 2007 at 12 : 39 am | Reply I remember the night that the show was shut down by the " Fire Marshall " and everyone went ballistic . The next thing I saw was a full blown riot in the streets . I remember seeing a beer bottle fly right past my face and hit a police car right in the windsheild . It was so " PUNK ROCK " right out of a movie . Joseph Moreno Says : September 22 , 2007 at 4 : 16 am | Reply I remember when Chuck quit Cinco Dudes , the band went up on stage with a clothing store dummy with the name tag " CHUCK " strapped with a guitar . The band was obviously drunk , played " Louie , Louie " for 45 minutes and left . There were some sexy dancers on stage from what I remember . Joseph Moreno Says : September 23 , 2007 at 7 : 02 am | Reply I remember when NOFX was in town . They showed up in a white van . They were hungry and asked for directions to a fast food joint . They got lost and almost didn 't make it back in time to play . I think I paid $ 5 for 5 bands that night . This was the same weekend MOD played there and we decorated the MOD bus with NOFX stickers . It was was a fun filled weekend . Ifeoma Okoye Says : October 2 , 2007 at 6 : 19 pm | Reply One night when Al Jourgensen was in town ( one night of many as he was often a guest of Kathy Kowgirl 's ) he and his " entourage " graced the Axiom once again with their presence . Fun was being had by all when apparently Al upset two of the ladies in his group who proceeded to throw a beer bottle at him with all the force behind it their skinny little bodies could muster . Mr . Jourgensen ducked ( good for him ) , and the bottle proceeded to smash in my face . I very calmly went to approach them to ask why they would do such a thing when a friend came up , touched my arm and said with a horrified look on her face … " ohhhh ifeoma … " That 's when I realized there was a study stream of really warm blood flowing down my face and neck , and falling all over the place . The two lovely ladies responsible for this unfortunate affair ran up to me apologizing all over themselves . My friend took me to the bathroom while the lovely ladies begged for mercy . I don 't know why , but people always thought I was gonna kick their asses - it must be a black thing . Let there be no mistakin ' , I will kick ass if I have to . My friend thought I needed to go to the hospital . All I remember is that my face was numb , there was blood everywhere , and I wanted the skinny bitches to tell me why they did it ! Then , the very handsome and charming Alejandro Escevedo came up and offered to take me to the hospital . I declined , but he walked me to the car to make sure I was alright to drive . When shit happened , even though I didn 't have any insurance at the time , I always went to Hermann . They put a big - ass bandaid on my face and sent me home . I was told I looked cool with the big - ass bandaid splayed across my face , along with my big - ass glasses - like a pirate or something . Now whenever someone looks at the scar on my face , one of many all over my body ( too much information , huh - sorry ) , one of the first things they say is , " you should 've gotten stitches . " No insurance , no stitchIfeoma Says : October 2 , 2007 at 6 : 37 pm | Reply Another thing , I was very fond of the resident skinheads at the Axiom . Depending on what type of skinheads they were at the time , their behavior towards me acted accordingly . But I think sometimes they were really confused . I mean one minute I 'm hanging out with a bunch of skinheads gettin ' high , and the next minute they 're calling me the N - word . I would just shake my head and call out , " good night " so - and - so , I 'll talk to you later . " To which they would respond , " good night ifeoma . " Go figure . I loved the Axiom . It was my favourite place to play ; in - keeping with the spirit of Cabaret Voltaire and the Island , how could you not have nothin ' but love for the place . Good on - ya JR ; cannot wait to see you , it 's been a while . Thanks to you and Julie , and Rebekah , and everyone else involved for helping to put this thing together . Who needs a high school reunion , when you have the Axiom 's 20th Anniversary , huh ! staci davis Says : October 4 , 2007 at 1 : 34 pm | Reply I got popped in the face once by one of those skinheads . He was slamdancing ( in a circular fashion ) and he sort of half drunkenly fell all over me , the casual observer watching from outside the circle . I gave him a little shove back towards the dance area as was the custom , and he turned around and hit me square in the face . I was shocked , in all my years of hanging out in punk clubs no one had ever hit me , and it hurt like hell . I went crying to JR ( or he found me bawling upstairs ) and when he found out what happened he immediately had the bouncers throw the guy out and ban him for life . ( Thanks for that validation JR ) I later found out that the guy hung himself in jail . Geesh this guy must have been one unhappy fella to go around hittin ' girls and hatin ' jews and tieing nooses in jail . Kind of makes me feel good to be me . staci davis Says : October 4 , 2007 at 1 : 59 pm | Reply Of course I also remember a few days after getting shut down when the fire marshall came to visit . I was working at the Axiom and even though we weren 't open I went to work just for fun . The fire marshall showed up and was talking to JR and Rebekah . I was making sure to do little cleaning jobs and errands within earshot of whatever was being said . The fire marshall told JR that he didn 't have enough bathrooms and exits to handle X number of people and that if there was a fire yada yada , no one would be safe yada yada , but that if JR were to hire an off - duty police officer to stay on the premices during shows that the fire marshall would feel better and let him open the doors . Now I 'm not sure how one or two off - duty cops are going to control 300 punk rockers escaping a fire but JR called the station and they sent us a cop or two and we were open very shortly afterwards . What really sucked was one of the cops that they sent us . His name was Alex Gonzales and he was famous at the time for just having shot and an unarmed elderly black woman for cutting him and his drunken off - duty un - uniformed police buddies off in traffic . Her name was Ida Delany . Alex Gonzales was later sentanced to seven years for his crime but who knows if he actually served any time . Ah good times . charlotte Says : October 5 , 2007 at 3 : 47 pm | Reply The NOFX & MOD show was not an Axiom show , but a Cabaret Voltaire show . I remember because there was no alcohol served , except for what everyone brought on their own . But I do remember those stickers . I still have them . susan Says : October 6 , 2007 at 1 : 56 am | Reply Hi Ifeoma . See you on Friday . I miss our adventures , " Blues Night " jam sessions , playing with knives ( when that guy from Tragic Mullato jumped up , hit his head , passed out , and show over ) , Mad Dog , and wandering thru empty train stations . And , I think back to a night we missed Yo La Tengo and everyone thought we were lame . damon Says : October 6 , 2007 at 5 : 18 am | Reply slow night , the bad samartans were playing , and the t . a . b . c . showed up . they came by after they heard we were running a brothel upstairs . we all had to put our hands up while the band was playing and the accountants with sidearms ( your texas tax dollars at work ) searched the place . joe ( homesly ) went into the song " publicly intoxicated " the tabc guys came up on stage , but joey kept on playin ' . he changed one of the lines to " let me guess , i got beat up by a fucking cop ! " … turns out the axiom WAS a brothel … in the fifties . once again , the t . a . b . c . proves its relevancy . HEY IFEOMA ! i hate madona damnit . GREG MAIN Says : October 6 , 2007 at 10 : 10 am | Reply When the mentors played , i got the job of trying to keep El Duce out of trouble ! i took some acid and we got drunk , EL DUCE DRUNK . . i can only remember he had some kick ass golf pants on after that . and that he also made some real funny faces with no teeth . everything else is fuzzy . . it still is a little fuzzy . . Joe Claytor was so psyched to meet Danzig when he played , that he brought his bootleg Misfits album out to be signed by him . Glen Danzig 's contract with the club required a barrier around the stage , which took two days to build . After it was built , Joe took the album up to the band room to get it signed . Danzig smashed it , telling Joe to get the fuck out . Did this really happen ? GREG MAIN Says : October 8 , 2007 at 12 : 16 am | Reply i seem to remember joe telling the story that he wouldn 't sign them … if he had told joe to get the fuck - out , im sure there would be another " danzig gets knocked the fuck out " video on youtube . joe wouldnt have mentioned it if he had said that , but i know he didnt take shit from anybody . he might have taken it from glenn though , i probably would have . they were all lifting weights and shit before the show . it was before academy black though , the black basically met at that show . . dec . 26th my mommas berfday ! ! i will ask lila , she might know . . Joseph Moreno Says : October 8 , 2007 at 2 : 59 am | Reply Charlotte , NOFX and MOD was at the Axiom . Here 's the flyer for the NOFX show . http : / / www . gigposters . com / poster / 19752 _ Dresden45 . html I 've never been to the place you mentioned . They may have played there , but it doesn 't mean they didn 't play @ the Axiom . Go look at the list of touring bands and see for yourself . charlotte Says : October 8 , 2007 at 2 : 42 pm | Reply Sorry Joe , my mistake . That was a long time ago . Maybe all the alcohol back then made things a little fuzzy . hillbilly mike Says : October 9 , 2007 at 2 : 57 am | Reply i remember this kikk - ass show at the AXioM where i won tickets to see MOTORHEAD and a band i heard of called the CRO - MAGS . it was the COOLEST ! there were skins moonstompin on cars in the parkinglot cuz the Cromags were a no show . motor head slayed as always . i learned to dance with shawn riley and mark of sik mentality , some jerk threw a beer and hit lemmy in the face with it during ORGASMATRON , and he stopped the show threatening to kill whomever did it , out back after the show ! ! OH WAIT ! damn , that was DAMON BLACK throwin that booze and it was at CARDIS ! SHEEEEEE - OOOOOTTTTT ! thats my favorite TEXAS rockinroll small world moment ……… i new i wanted to be JUSTINs Dina Lou Says : October 9 , 2007 at 7 : 38 pm | Reply Memories … smile … . to echo some of the stories about the skinheads , which I do admit to have a crush on one of those suckers . But anyway , I was organizing and producing a benefit for the Sharpstown High Peace Club … of course … approved by JR . BTW , very kind of you , JR . Bands like Third Person , Twisting the Farm and The Shaft would be playing live . Before nightfall , I was called outside and approached by the skinhead leader for a " chat " . One of the members , walked around me ( a sweet , innocent girl - nonetheless ) with a board full of nails . Some of the others waved their flag around the streets . They made it seem like a big ta - do and it was very hard to swallow . But we negotiated about peace and war , and they LET the show go on . I realize the peace - sters may have been on their turf like a Greasers vs . Soc 's kinda thing . But , we really had no agenda . It was definately an awakening . Random acts of kindness prevailed . Tom Turmoil Says : October 9 , 2007 at 10 : 11 pm | Reply Congratulations Greg . I know there are some shy people who will only tell there craziesest Axiom story to close mouthed friends . Im suprised there are no bathroom sex stories . I did like the one about the cops saying " finish him off " See ya at the 20th . Joseph Moreno Says : October 11 , 2007 at 6 : 18 am | Reply I remember the Prong show well . Tommy Victor was an ass to his roadie . Some big skinhead maced a girl and ended up macing the entire crowd . The angry crowd kicked his ass and he wouldn 't leave . He ended up with a horrible beating he could have avoided had he just left . Bwahahahaha … Matt Kelly Says : October 12 , 2007 at 5 : 15 pm | Reply One time Sprawl was playing at the Axiom , and suddenly it started to smell really , really bad . At first I thought it was the typical Sprawl flatulence - after all , one of our members is now known as Gaseous Clay - but I soon realized that this was cutting through a little more intensely than even something Clay , or even the Rev . Dave Dove , could produce . It got worse , and more worse still . That 's not gas , I thought , that shit . As Sprawl started to sweat , GG 's dried up ass juice began to re - liquefy . It was one of many beautiful Axiom experiences . At least no one got hurt . Bliss Blood Says : October 12 , 2007 at 7 : 20 pm | Reply My craziest moment was when the Pain Teens opened for White Zombie in like , 1988 , and I got all excited and started go - go dancing onstage with White Zombie . This stupid skinhead bitch flicked a lit cigarette at me and I flipped her off , causing her to jump onstage to try to hit me ! Tom Five , White Zombie 's guitarist , grabbed her by her skinhead girl bangs and threw her back off the stage , then her boyfriend came up and started attacking me , I was wearing a rubber dress that looked like a tank top , tucked into a pair of loose pants , so he grabbed the neckline of my dress and pulled up on it , trying to tear it off me , but since it was rubber it just stretched and stretched every time he pulled on it . Was he confused ! During all this mayhem , I bit him on the arm . Then JR stepped in and ejected him from the club ( " We don 't hit girls , dude " ) . And White Zombie told me to come back onstage and dance some more . Years later , Tom Five posted somewhere on the internet that that was his favorite show he played while in White Zombie . Kelly Watson Says : October 17 , 2007 at 4 : 58 pm | Reply I am so pissed I missed the show . My truck gave me problems halfway there from NOLA and I had to turn back . I would have traded 2 Xmases with my family to be there . My fave story is the night I brought in Crowbar and Soilent Green to play . Somehow in Joes rohypnol and wild turkey stupor , he tried to get on stage with Crowbar at the end to sing a song . The roadie tried to stop him and hit him in the face . Joe did not even know it . Billy Lovelace says , That dude just hit you ! . Joe tries to get back on stage and knocks over the whole bass cabinet . Damon Gill , Me and Greg wrestled him out to the dumpster where Greg held him down til the show was over . After it was all over , Crowbar drove their RV to the maggot colony parking lot and partied in the hot tub with all of us . Joe snuck up to the roof and decided to throw a cinder block through the roof of the RV . At the last second he decided to throw it onto a moving cop car and smashed the windshield narrowly missing the cop . He took off and no police ever showed up . He denied the story until a few months before his death when we finally got the truth out of him . Shelly Says : October 19 , 2007 at 10 : 45 pm | Reply Two ( of many ) crazy stories pop into mind . The first story is about that crazy bastard GG Allen . I saw him twice at the Axiom and they were both sick shows . The night that he gave himself a beer emima on stage and then flung his own nasty shit into the faces of a horrified audience was pretty bizarre . He jumped off stage and chased people with handfulls of his shit . Poor Jennifer Sivley was standing behind a tall girl and when the tall girl moved out of the way , GG grabbed Jennifer by the hair and pulled her around for a bit . When she broke free , GG 's shit was all in her hair and on her leather jacket . We went to the bathroom to clean it out and she was PISSED ! ! ! GG also smashed a photographers camera that night and beat his own head with the microphone until he was bleeding from the forehead . But my debut of the Axiom is the most memorable . It was New Years Eve ( 1989 or 1990 ? ? ) . It was also my first time to trip on acid ( blue triangle to be exact ! ) . Trower the Magic Dude was amazing in his gold shiny costume and his gold turbin and his scraggly , scratchy voice and his skinny ass old lady assistant . He swallowed a glowing neon sword - telling us of course how dangerous it was and that if anything went wrong he would fry from the inside out ( for someone on acid , this was most exiciting ) . I believe the Bayou Pigs played that night - and most definitely Academy Black played and it was fucking great . At midnight the champagne gushed and balloons fell from the ceiling . Oh , did I mention that I was a junior in high school ? ? It was the first of many , many , many awesome times at the Axiom . I wish like anything in the world that I could have been there for the reunion and really missed seeing everyone . PS - the Sabbathon was really memorable too ! Kelly Watson Says : November 27 , 2007 at 3 : 07 am | Reply OK one more . Shortly after the reopening I was working for Richard Tomcala as was Joe . We had promoted a sold out Fugazi show and were in concradulatory party mode . The staff of 812 productions was in the back dj room and Richard was rolling a joint on an album . All of the sudden the door came flying open and 2 HPD walk in with flashlights blazing . They walk up to Richard and say " JR has worked hard to get his permits straight and this is not the time or place for that . Get rid of it ! " Tomcala say " Yes sir " and proceeds to pull his ounce out of his pocket and rake the weed back into his bag right in front of them . Ah good times … . . I have many special memories from the Axiom . I helped paint the exterior once . I don 't remember getting paid money but I was offered coke or speed . I booked and promoted a few shows and I was there almost every night for a few years . One of my favorite memories is getting there around 3 in the afternoon and finding Noska asleep on the pool table . Now that 's punk rock . Nothing fake about it . Like many I have a GG Allen story . I saw him the night he flaked and didn 't do anything special . My girlfriend AME got in his face after the show . If you remember AME you know she could really get in someone 's face . She walks up to him and points in his face and shouts loudly , " Your A Fake " . I thought sure that would be the night I get beat up by GG Allen . He just looked at her and smiled . I 'll bet any other night he would have dragged her by her hair . I might be the only one who was happy about the undercover police being there . The most dramatic night I spent at the Axiom was a private event , a party that was held for AME 's 21st birthday ( funny she 'd been drinking there for years ) . I actually played drums with dead horse that night ( Ronny was not there ) . We must have played some easy stuff ( Beer and a bad cover of Birthday by the Beatles ) . AME knew how to throw a party but eventually someone punched her in the eye . I threw my obligatory punch back at the guy and suddenly it was the wild west , punches being thrown all over the place . Eventually Sean Sitka shot his gun in the air and everybody chilled for a minute . Later that night I broke up a fight between AME 's brother and someone else . The next day AME got her drivers first drivers license and she had a black eye for the picture . A week later and a 12 hour wait at Ben Taub I was admitted for surgery for the broken bone in my hand that I received during one of the fights . I still can 't make a DIO hand sign . Andy Trevathan Says : July 30 , 2008 at 3 : 39 am | Reply Ah good times at the Axiom ! My crazy - ass story involves a broken leg … mind you , it was broken while jousting on skates with pool cues . JR said he heard it * CRACK * in the adjoining room . I had to be carried out of the place , over JJ 's shoulder … dumped on the front porch ( of the then b / f 's house in the Heights ) sometime around dawn . Two Words : Fireman 's Carry . The other ( semi ) crazy story ( like many ) involves the mosh pit … but , hey … I 'll save that for ANOTHER time . Thanks JR and AXIOM for all the good memories . jason Says : January 21 , 2012 at 9 : 12 pm | Reply I can 't remember what show it was but i went up from Lake Jackson in a car full of people . the car was some kinda early 70 's trans am or camero , something heavy with a big engine . we stopped to eat at a Jason 's deli on montrose i think , and to make a long story short i split from the group and later in the parking lot the guy driving this heavy car pulled up next to me to scare me and pick me up to leave . the front left tire caught the inside of my left foot and i fell over with the car stopped on top of my foot . after a few seconds of yelling the guy finally backed off and my checkerd vans was torn open and so was my sock and so was my foot . he dropped me off at a hospital then took everyone else to the show . i didn 't have money for anything so they denied me any help but an orderly snuck me back to a room and scrubed my open wound and bandaged it up . i then got picked back up and taken to the axiom for the show and i sat in the back on those movie seats . when the lights came on at the end of the night there was a huge pool of blood under my foot . later i found out it was crushed with hair line fractures all throughout . everyone in the car had offered for us to leave houston and head back to LJ but i had insisted that we make it to the show . now i can 't even remember who it was we saw but its mostly because i was at the axiom so many times . Hey anyone have video or pictures of the white zombie show back around 88 or 89 i think ?
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This is an older story . I wrote a version many years back , then amended it , and the amended version appeared in the short story collection PS : Ich Tote Dich , and then also this collection a little later on . I could probably keep amending it for a long time . There are bits I really , really want to change - and maybe at some point I even will - but you can go on forever with thoughts like that , so for now : here it is , still very much warts and all . Before I do , I close my eyes . This is partly because I don 't want to see the eyelash blow away across the room . When I close my eyes , I can imagine it disappearing from this world , in exchange for what I want most in return , but with my eyes open there 's a good chance I 'll see where it really ends up , and it 's hard to believe your wish will come true when you 've just watched it land on the carpet and lie there , among all the other crumbs . I open my eyes again . The wish , at least , has disappeared . But Alison is still there , of course . It breaks my heart to look at her right now , so I stare past her instead , at a front room dimmed by evening . Outside , snow is falling , thick and soft , white against the dull grey sky , with each flake landing as quietly as a blink . The window across from me is slightly ajar . The open curtains are shuffling in the cold , like resentful sentries . I lean back on the settee , which creaks slightly . It 's old and worn out . We should have replaced it . But then again , we should have done so many things . I look down at Alison . She is sobbing quietly , and it 's such a horrible noise . It 's the sound of too late , far too late , we can 't go back now and all it does is make me think about the wish I just made . The wish that … It was Alison who first told me you could use eyelashes to make wishes . I 'd never heard of that before . Shooting stars , yes . Eyelashes , no . It was in the third year of University , not long after we first met . In those days , we spent most of our time in her room in Ebberston Row . Alison shared the house with five other girls . Among all the debris from the parties and takeaways , you could have lost a thousand eyelashes on the floor of the lounge without noticing . Alison 's room was much the same . Plenty of place to hide them . One day , she added one of mine . She was often like that , though - impulsive ; leaping into action without warning - and most of the time I enjoyed it . There was something unguarded and uninhibited about the way she behaved : she 'd see something and go for it , unafraid of looking silly or saying the wrong thing ; always stepping forward confidently where others would at least hesitate to tread . In my experience , a lot of people who do that come across as irritating , but Alison usually managed to get it right , and that made her popular instead . It was endlessly strange that she liked me , as I could barely string three words together in front of people I didn 't know . But they say opposites attract , don 't they ? There was obviously no arguing with her , and before I had chance to say Yeah , I 've got loads , I had one fewer , lifted from the tickly skin beneath my eye with a delicate thief 's touch . She held it up to the light . A thin black curl on the tip of her finger . Well - the natural impulse was to make a purely selfish wish : to ask for something ridiculous , like an enormous amount of money , or to be even half as charismatic and attractive as the young woman beside me . And maybe that was my original intention . But what actually happened , as I pursed my lips and blew , was that I found myself wishing for Alison instead . And I remember thinking why not ? as I exhaled , sealing the wish . It felt good to be selfless - to have made a wish for somebody else 's well - being rather than my own . In hindsight , I suppose it was still selfless . Because it didn 't really matter , did it ? It didn 't require me to do anything much . It 's easy to be magnanimous when all you 're talking about is an eyelash . I wanted to tell her , mainly because she would have thought it was sweet rather than silly , but even back then , when the concept of using eyelashes was new to me , I at least knew the rules of wishing in general . Alison did too , of course . She was only playing . She pulled a face at me , but also looked quietly satisfied . A wrong answer that was right . From what I can remember , the rest of the day was typically lovely . They always were . Although we hadn 't known each other for long , I was already in love with her . There . My lips aren 't sealed any longer , you see ; I can say it now . I can shout it from the fucking rooftops , and I can tell anyone I like . It won 't make any difference anymore . Maybe . I used to think so , but now I 'm not so sure . I understand things a little better these days . Wishes are dreams and aspirations , after all , and it 's always best to keep those close , the same as you would anything that 's valuable to you . If you have something that glitters , people just try to steal it . At the least , people without real , heartfelt wishes of their own will hope that yours don 't come true . Dreams are currency , and they should only be shared with a few people , chosen carefully , because most will mock them and want to see them fail . That 's just the way the world works , I think . When your stock is devalued , people are pleased . Looking back , I think of the dreams I 've had and the wishes I 've made as rough stitches in the wounds of my life . Thin threads sewn in place in a desperate attempt to hold my edges together . Sometimes those wounds heal and the stitches fade , and it 's easy to forget that all that got you through a patch of life was hope , but other times , the stitches aren 't strong enough , and you end up half - opened and spilling out , like a battered children 's toy . What I 've found myself doing recently is taking all those old , useless stitches out of myself , by thought and by deed . I 'm taking all of them back . For example , I once wished that Alison would never have to cry again . I 'm taking that back right now just by telling you . And as I do , I can feel the dark cotton of it tickling slowly out of the scar . I pull on it , and my heart feels looser as a result . And honestly , it 's not like that wish ever worked anyway - she 's been crying for hours now regardless . I don 't need it anymore . I lean closer to Alison now , and try to tell her it 's going to be okay , but there 's no response . She just sits there , hugging her knees , sobbing quietly . Not so long ago , if she was upset , I would tell her everything was going to be all right and it would help to keep her upright . It really would . Too late for that now , of course . I wasn 't here for her in time , and I despise myself for it . For failing her . Thread after thread is coming away . I can almost feel it all : the loops of dead hope spooling around me . Before too long , I will have myself entirely unpicked . Every wish will have been pulled out of me , until finally all that 's left will be the wounds , naked and raw and fragile . The first time I saw her was in a nightclub . She was very drunk , bathed in flashing , primary - coloured light , and swaying out of time with the thump thump of the dance music . She seemed to have lost her friends . After a while , she went outside , maybe to look for them or maybe just for some air . I waited a minute or so , and then , without even being sure why - a tickle of worry , perhaps , at the base of my neck - I felt compelled to follow her . I found her sitting on the steps outside the club , head bowed to her knees - and a man standing in front of her . I listened to them talking from a discreet distance , and it became clear that he didn 't know her , but that he was trying to persuade her to go with him . An open taxi waited just behind him , its engine idling softly . She was too drunk to respond , but he was reaching down to take hold of her arm . He let go of her immediately and looked at me - except that 's not quite true . It was more that he looked right through me . When I stared into his eyes , there was nothing there at all . He seemed entirely empty , this person , like some kind of wind - up automoton , and I remember thinking : this man has something missing . She nodded absently . The whole time , the man said nothing to me , but he stepped backwards slowly , eyes still fixed on me , and I had the strange , shivery impression that he wasn 't really a man at all , but some kind of elemental force - some dark mannequin the world had conjured up in an attempt to take Alison away . One that could be faced down easily enough , as I just had , but only if you arrived in time . The more I got to know her , the more that odd initial impression was confirmed . Alison was beautiful , and full of enthusiasm and innocence , but the thing was , I began to realise that life doesn 't like that . With Alison , life kept throwing things in her path in an attempt to derail her . As the months passed , it became increasingly clear that somebody needed to wish for her - and wish long and hard , at that . One time , a guy in her lectures took to following her around campus . She 'd bump into him almost every day . An accident - except of course , it wasn 't . He kept bothering her , wouldn 't leave her alone , and when I eventually confronted him I saw the same emptiness in his eyes that I 'd sensed in the man outside the nightclub . On another occasion , she was chased by a couple of men on the way from her house to mine . It was nine o ' clock at night , and she was walking down a well - used , hundred - metre - long ginnel . It should have been safe , but that night the world seemed to orchestrate things so that it wasn 't . Suddenly , there was nobody else around , and no lights in the windows . Alison made it to me , but in future I never let her walk that way on her own again . Sometimes we even joked about it . I attract weirdos , she 'd say . I had my stock response : well , thanks . But it wasn 't funny , and the jokes were few and far between . She knew how much it bothered me . And of course , I knew that she wasn 't really being hunted ; I didn 't really think there was anything supernatural going on . It was just men . Because there are men out there who are malformed inside , and a woman like Alison always catches their attention . They need to possess her for themselves . When they can 't , the absence inside them doubles in size and floods them with resentment and hate . So . Almost every wish I made , I made for her . Wish after wish , all for her safety and happiness . There have been a lot of eyelashes over the years . A sneeze : one for a wish , two for a kiss . A few shooting stars , even , here and there . I used them all for her . And for a while , despite the continuing incidents , those wishes seemed to be almost enough . I blow the next eyelash out through the open window . On the far side of the street , there is a light on upstairs in his house : a pale , peach - coloured square . He must have left it on before he came calling . The eyelash is gone almost before it has left my finger . Lost amongst the falling snow . My wish travels away with it . It 's okay to tell you wishes like that , by the way , because you can 't change the past . The facts remain , regardless . The man was born , whether I like it or not . He did move into that house . One day , he did see Alison . He did become interested in her . There 's nothing I can do about any of that . Those things are set in stone . My voice is a shock , both to me and the room behind me . Alison doesn 't acknowledge it . I let the silence regroup before I close the window , and then the curtains , shutting away the sight of the house across the road . I move back over to the settee , stepping carefully over his blood on the floor . When I 'd walked in , I 'd surprised them both . They 'd been in bed , I think . He came down first , with Alison following when she heard the commotion , but too late for him by then . It 's not my name . Alison is looking at the man 's body , sprawled on the floor , and there is an empty resignation in her voice , almost as though she 's already dead too . Her eyes are red - rimmed with tears . I pick up the tweezers from the settee and crouch down over her . She doesn 't struggle anymore ; she gets it . We need all of the wishes we can get tonight , and I ran out of my own eyelashes hours ago . The room is quiet as I ease back onto the settee , placing one of hers on the tip of my finger , then raising it to my lips . But what to wish for ? You can 't change the past though . You can only really wish for what might happen , can 't you ? So I blow gently on the end of my finger , closing my eyes against the soft , warm light of the living room . And I can 't tell you what I wish for , because then it might not come true .
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Living large , my friends , living large . 20 days to go ! And although we still have a few things to do in the nursery ( i . e . , awaiting the arrival of our crib mattress , putting up crown molding , adding a brown ribbon along the bottom edge of the curtains , art to hang about the changing table , etc . ) , I want to share our progress so far . Here 's the view when you walk in . The dresser we 're using as a changing table . Here is the set of shelves and desk we got from Crate and Barrel . ( Don 't worry - they 're very secured to the wall . ) And the crib with my favorite part of the nursery - the hippo decal we got from Etsy ! It 's hard to tell from the pictures , but the walls are a light shade of brown , which contrasts nicely with all the white furniture and pink accents . I adore the way the room turned out , and sometimes I just stand there and stare , imagining what it 'll be like to actually use the room when she 's here . " Architecture in general is frozen music . " - F . W . J . Schelling A couple of months ago , Brent told me , with a combination of excitement and disappointment in his eyes , " The Hives and the Eagles of Death Metal are playing together ! But it 's at the end of September so I don 't know if you 'll be up for going . " I told him we 'd wait until closer to the date to see how I feel , and if tix were still available , we 'd get them . Not ready to end my pre - baby concert season , I decided to get tix last week . The show ? In a word ? AWESOME . I should have known it was going to be a great show when we ran into one of The Hives ' guitarists , Nicholaus Arson , during dinner . I was a big goof and went over to him and the roadie he was eating with to sheepishly say , " We 're really excited about your show . " He smiled and said , " Thanks , " although at the time I wasn 't sure if he could understand me because a few of the Swedish band members don 't speak English . ( We later learned that he does , in fact , speak English . ) Brent and I first learned about the Eagles of Death Metal during a benefit show a few years ago for Hurricane Katrina . The band is an over - the - top garage band . They 're rockers who put on a fabulous show . During their set , as Brent was practically on the edge of his seat and I was leaned back , I could tell from the back of Brent 's head that he was beaming from ear to ear , enjoying it so much . Eagles of Death Metal rock so hard that they had TWO , count ' em , TWO drummers during their set , including one of the band 's founders , Josh Homme ( probably best known as the guitarist / drummer from Queens of the Stone Age ) . I didn 't bring my good camera with me , but was able to capture a grainy pic with my Blackberry . We lucked out with an awesome view from the front row of the venue 's balcony . Then The Hives hit the stage and again , we were blown away . I can 't put into words how awesome they are . There 's never a dull moment , and the audience has a blast responding to the lead singer 's demand for more cheering . The Hives were the first band we saw after I found out I was pregnant , and I can 't imagine a better way to Posted by This a . m . I was thinking , " If I wait too long between blog posts , peeps are going to think I went into labor . " And wouldn 't you know it , today I received a " Haven 't heard from you in a while . . . I hope you 're ok " email from the lovely La Petite Chic . Yup , things are going well . Just been simultaneously busy getting ready for Em Dash 's arrival , as well as feeling too tired to open my laptop . Third trimester exhaustion has been worse than the first trimester exhaustion because this time around I 'm more uncomfortable . I can 't lay on my stomach or back , and getting up off the couch or the bed is akin to a turtle on its back - - there 's a lot of momentum required to get my basketball belly in motion . Since I last wrote , I 've continued to put the finishing touches on the nursery . All the newborn and 0 - 3 months clothing , along with the linens , burp cloths , changing pad and Boppy covers are all washed - in scent - free detergent , of course . This weekend while visiting my mom , and I rested on her couch , she told my 3 - year - old nephew , " Go say ' hi ' to the baby . " He walked over , gently patted my belly , said " Hi , baby , " lifted up my shirt slightly , kissed my belly and rested his ear on it . Seriously , if that doesn 't melt your heart then you are dead inside . Heh . Earlier this week we got our car seat installations inspected via Santa Monica police department 's monthly inspection . Brent did a pretty good job installing the bases with both our cars , but they just needed a few tweaks . Plus we learned tips for actually strapping Em Dash into the seat . Oh , and we discovered that there 's a special little holder on the underside of the car seat for car seat instructions . Fun ! ( Seriously ! ) Monday evening was our last baby - related class : breastfeeding . I could tell that Brent was hesitant to go , with his continuous " Are you sure husbands need to attend this class ? " But I wanted him there so he could potentially remind me of tips , etc . , when / if I have a hard time getting Em Dash to latch on and feed correctly . Our classmates weren 't as obnoxious Posted by One . . . month . . . left ! My due date , Oct . 19 , is one month away ! Here is my not - so - weekly belly photo , which was taken in a rush this morning so forgive the lack of polish . You 'd be surprised how many times I make Brent retake photos until there 's one I 'm content with . Oh , and this is how I wear my hair when I don 't feel like blow drying it . Brent and I continue to prepare for Em Dash 's arrival . Saturday the rest of our condo ( minus the bedrooms ) is getting painted , so I 'm going up to visit my mom to avoid the fumes . A few more finishing touches on the nursery and we 'll be all set . I 've been picking up the last little things we 'll need ( toiletries , newborn onesies , my first pack of diapers - whee ! ) before she gets here . A lot of folks have been asking us about Em Dash 's name . It usually goes something like , " Have you guys decided on a name yet ? " followed quickly by " Iknowyou ' renottelling , soI ' mnotexpectingyoutoTELLmethename . I ' mjustwondering . " The answer ? No , we have not decided on a name . But we are close . We have one solid front runner , with a few runner - ups . And tonight on our way home from dinner , I brought up the front runner . Hilariously , when I said the name , Em Dash kicked me really , really hard ( but not painfully ) . We don 't know if that was in agreement or protest , but I had tears in my eyes from laughter . Lastly , after months of going back and forth with our HR team , I 've finalized the timing for my maternity leave today . I 'm planning to work as long as I 'm comfortable because the more time I take before Em Dash arrives , the less time I 'll have with her when she 's actually here . So , as of now with my Oct . 19th due date in mind , my leave will start Oct . 15th and end Feb . 23 ! That 's more than four months with our baby girl ! And it could be an additional month if I end up having a C - section ( which I really , really , really want to avoid ) . All this time is a combination of my company 's generous maternity leave , as well as 6 weeks of California 's Paid Family Leave , something that my Toronto - based HR team was not famiPosted by Me : I ordered the cutest little outfit from Old Navy for the baby ! It 's a fleece suit with animal ears ! ! ! It 's pink and . . . Brent : NO MORE PINK ! Me : Um . . . Brent : Seriously ! I 'm already overloaded on pink ! Me : Ok . Not everything I ordered is pink , I promise ! Me : But there 's still a little pink . . . " Pink Hearts , Yellow Moons , Green Clovers , and Orange Stars - that leprechaun 's on acid ! " - Black Gallagher , Chappelle 's Show This was a very productive weekend . Friday night we headed down to Irvine to catch Maroon 5 with co - headliners Counting Crows . We arrived in the middle of CC 's set . It was interesting to watch the hardcore CC fans . It 's not often that I go to a show where I don 't know all the songs . Peeps were into it , and it was fun to see what I must look like to others when the acts I love hit the stage . M5 was awesome , as always . That 's the last scheduled concert I have before Em Dash 's arrival , although there 's a chance that I may catch one more show in a couple weeks , depending on how I feel . Saturday we had a painter come by to paint the nursery . It looks great ! I 'll share pics once it 's all put together , which will be soon , soon , soon . Although we used low - VOC paint , I still didn 't want to sit around in the fumes , so we went to my in - laws ' . There we assembled baby stuff . Brent installed the car seat while I put together the stroller frame and the baby bouncer . We went for dinner at a nearby restaurant called Honey 's Kettle Kitchen for some fried chicken . I was expecting a delicious dinner and great experience after reading a recent review in Los Angeles Magazine , noting it was the best fried chicken around . We had an awful experience . In a nutshell , we waited 30 minutes after ordering our food at a counter . And the staff was less than apologetic . I 'll spare you the details , but you can read my full scathing review on Yelp if you 're interested . After dinner we came home and Brent assembled some more nursery furniture , namely our new desk and shelves . This morning Brent put together the last of our nursery stuff - the crib ! So exciting ! With everything assembled , I organized a ton of Em Dash 's stuff . Everything is coming together so nicely . I 'm excited to put the finishing touches on and finally share all our hard work with you ! " Prepare your mind to receive the best that life has to offer . " - Ernest Holmes Posted by I think this is the only photo I 've seen of my parents when they were expecting . ( That 's me in her belly ! ) If it 's not obvious , he was trying to get my mom to pose for the camera . She was a hesitant participant . It 's funny to think what my parents must have gone through as they prepared for my arrival . They were young . My dad was 23 , my mom was 21 . He was in the Air Force , my mom was a stay - at - home wife . They certainly didn 't take any classes or research nearly as much as Brent and I have in anticipation of our daughter 's arrival . My mom was not a comfortable pregnant woman . She had horrific morning sickness . Her 87 - lb . frame probably freaked out once a baby was thrown into the mix . She craved steak and lobster all the time . And she made my dad quit smoking in preparation for my arrival - - a FABULOUS idea , if I do say so , especially since he never started up again . I don 't remember much of my youngest days , obviously , but I do know that my dad loved being a daddy . He was kind and loving . He taught me how to find the fun in the mundane . He was silly and made bad jokes . He taught me to appreciate music , both as a musician and a fan . He passed down his love of food . He taught me that it didn 't matter if I was the best in school as long as I tried my best . He also taught me not to sweat the small stuff , something I apply to my life every . single . day . Five years ago today he was taken from us , but his spirit lives on in so many ways . " A sweet thing , for whatever time , to revisit in dreams the dear dad we have lost . " - Euripides Last night after posting , I organized a bunch of Em Dash 's clothes to figure out what stuff I wanted to wash in preparation for her arrival . I sorted everything else and organized it in her closet , which we emptied out over the weekend . I was on my feet for 30 - 45 minutes before I looked down and saw that not only were my ankles swollen ( no big surprise ) , but my feet were blue ! Where my toes connected to the rest of my foot were two bands of blue ( pretty much where flip - flops would cover , but I was barefoot ) . I wasn 't sure if it was a simple side effect from the foot massage earlier in the night , a strange but typical pregnancy thing or a sign of something I should worry about . I contemplated my options for a few minutes then decided to call my OB 's after - hours number to talk to a doc on call . Within a few minutes one called me back . She said that as long as my feet weren 't numb ( they weren 't ) , then not to worry about it . Coincidentally I had a check - up scheduled for today , so that put my mind at ease . She said that the doc today would take a look at me and we could discuss further . At my appointment today , the other doc also said it 's normal , especially when there 's fluid retention . In fact , he looked at my feet and said , " They 're actually a little blue now . " But apparently it 's nothing to worry about . Phew . I talked to him about other pregnancy pain . I 've been having some pain and numbness in random fingers in the middle of the night and the morning . He confirmed my suspicions - it 's pregnancy - induced carpal tunnel , which again is perfectly normal . He suggested I wear wrist braces to bed to keep my wrists straight and promote circulation to my fingers to prevent the pain I 've been feeling . It really is a wonder that pregnancy doesn 't make a woman 's toes and fingers fall off from lack of circulation . On my way home from the appointment I stopped at Babies R Us to get a maternity belt , something that was recommended to me by my doctor a few weeks ago when I mentioned some pelvic pain I 've been having . Apparently that ' Posted by This evening I had to drag myself up from a nap to make it to my prenatal massage appointment . I know , tough life , right ? The massage was even better than last time , especially since she worked on my swollen feet a bit . It felt soooo nice . A co - worker mentioned to me that Jack in the Box has a new tasty treat called mac bites , which are basically bits of mac n cheese fried in a tempura - like batter . So I picked some up on the way home for dinner . They were delicious , but I don 't think I 'd go for the large size again . There is such a thing as too much fried goodness . I topped my night off with the new CW show , Privileged . While I can 't get past how much the lead looks like my beautiful blogger pal , Heather , I 'm digging the premise . ( Someone described it as Gilmore Girls meets Gossip Girl , neither of which I 've watched . ) I 'll check it out again next week . Anyone watch True Blood on HBO ? I 'm not in love with it yet , but I did enjoy it and look forward to seeing what they do next week . I also think Bill the Vampire is easy on the eyes , a sort of scruffy Paul Rudd . Rawr . I 'm adding lots of new shows to my TV repertoire seeing as how this fall I 'll be spending a lot of time in front of the TV while feeding Em Dash . I imagine I won 't be able to do much with a baby attached to me , but it 'll be worth it . " If a vampire bat was in the U . S . , it would make sense for it to come to a " - sylvania . " Like Penn - sylvania . Now that doesn 't mean that Jim is going to become a vampire . Only that he carries the vampiric germ . " - Dwight , The Office Saturday was our Infant Care class , which I was looking forward to because , quite frankly , Brent and I haven 't taken care of a lot of babies . And there was that " incident " from three years ago , straight out of a sitcom , that stands out in my head . ( Short story : we babysat for some friends of ours and ended up putting her diaper on backward . Oops . I also didn 't mention the part where we had to stand her up to put it on in the first place . Double oops . ) So I was ready to learn more about taking care o ' babies . The class was from 10 - 1 . I must admit that I was riveted . In the pregnant state that I am , my bathroom trips are more frequent , but I had to hold it ' cuz I was so interested in everything she had to say . I especially enjoyed her opening slide show that included all the ways our baby may look when she makes her grand entrance ( stork bites , baby acne , newborn rash , blue hands or feet , dry skin , etc . - - all sorts of stuff that might freak out a new parent ) . We learned how to swaddle , how to dress and undress the baby , tips for changing the diaper , tips for feeding , carrying the baby , putting the baby down for the night , how to tell if the baby is sick , etc . I think Brent got a lot out of the class , too , despite his being a little creeped out by the disapproving look of our fake baby . Best of all ? The class was free of the idiot parents from our childbirth class . No stupid questions , no one talking just to hear themselves talk . All in all , the three hours went by quite quickly and I 'm feeling at least a little more prepared . Our class was right around the corner from a new bakery that I was dying to try . How excited was I ? Well , the night before I actually dreamt about trying it . Sad , but true . I think the pun - filled name alone was enough to draw me in . The place is called Kiss My Bundt ! As you may imagine , they feature bundt cakes of all sizes and flavors . They were offering free samples of their baby bundts ( or maybe the mini bundts ? I 'm not 100 % sure ) . We ordered three to take home in addition to the two samples we tPosted by 45 days left until Em Dash 's arrival ! Today my co - worker returned to work after a week off and said to me , " Wow ! You really popped while I was gone ! " It 's funny ' cuz I was thinking the same thing . I spend my evenings at home waddling around in a maternity sleep bra ( aka a sports bra designed to keep your massive boobs from flopping around too much while sleeping , with a less constricting band around the bottom ) and shorts . Brent sometimes stop mid - sentence because of my belly to say , " Holy crap , you are PREGNANT ! " I find myself bumping into things with my belly more often , forgetting that I 've grown so much horizontally . Leaning over to grab something off the counter or picking something off the floor of my car . . . heck , even trying to put pants on in the morning - I have to bend my legs differently . It 's so strange , yet freakin ' hilarious . And over the past week or so , Em Dash has started getting the hiccups . I was starting to worry about her because she HADN ' T had them yet . ( Just one of many things a pregnant woman could be paranoid about . ) I was worried that her little parts in charge of hiccups weren 't developing correctly , so I was relieved when she finally got them . They feel so different from her typical kicks and pushes . It 's movement from deep within my belly , continous movements that I can feel much more while laying on my back than on either of my sides . Brent can easily feel and see them , too . One of the few things my mom remembers from her pregnancy with me is that I 'd often get hiccups in the middle of the night . Hasn 't happened to me yet , but Em Dash does tend to get them right when I lay down to sleep . In not - so - fun pregnancy news , good - bye ankles , hello cankles . Boooo . I 'm actually typing this with my feet in a foot bath in the hopes of reducing the swelling . And I regularly wrap my ankles in ice packs . Swelling can suck it ! " There was that law of life , so cruel and so just , that one must grow or else pay more for remaining the same . " - Norman Mailer Thursday - The gorgeous wedding of Randi and Mike ! I love all the little details they put into the wedding , and I got to see hottie hubby in a yarmulke ! ( All the boys wore them . ) Friday - Long overdue dinner w / Josh and Jami . - Talked to their babysitter , a high school senior , about how technology has changed high school since I was there . She told me about how her teachers have websites where they post notes from class , assignments , etc . And kids can upload assignments via a special site that determines if content was plagiarized from classmates or other assignments in the database . My , how times have changed . Saturday - Got a message from justJENN that said , " Will you be home ? I want to drop something off . " I thought , " Oooh , baked goods ! Baked goods ! " And I was right ! Check out these ingenious bad boys ! It 's Domo Kun , whom I adore ! I had to take a picture of a cupcake with one of my Domo dolls ! ( Yes , I have more than one Domo doll . ) - Went to IKEA to pick up the dresser that will double as our changing table , which was the last piece of furniture we needed to complete the nursery ! - Organized shower gifts , including all the clothes given to us and what I 've purchased . She 's going to have to be like an Oscars hostess and go through four outfits in a day to get through them all . Not that that 's a bad thing ! Sunday - Brent , his bro and I discovered an AMAZING breakfast place in West LA . After eating , Brent turned to me and said , " Don 't tell anyone about this place ! " aka " Don 't blog about this ! " Sorry , folks . You 'll have to search for it yourself . Heh . - Met up with Alyssa , her awesome husband Rob , and another couple of really nice friends of theirs for dinner at Noodle Planet . - Dinner was followed by an awesome Jack Johnson show at UCLA . Alyssa is a HUGE Jack fan , and I 've always liked him but hadn 't had a chance to see him until now . He puts on a great show , which was even better because of the wonderful company . Monday - We had our handy man over and spent Labor Day laboring . He installed the dishwasher that Brent thought he Posted by I . am . tired . I am beyond exhausted but I don 't want the blogosphere to think I 've given up on it , so here 's a pic to hold you over . It 's from Randi and Mike 's beautiful Thursday evening wedding . The hit of the party was a photobooth they rented . Such a step up from the Polaroid guestbook we had at ours ! And so much fun ! Click on the photo for some narrative notes . A full long - weekend recap coming soon ! " One should never criticize his own work except in a fresh and hopeful mood . The self - criticism of a tired mind is suicide . " - Charles Horton Cooley
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Living large , my friends , living large . 20 days to go ! And although we still have a few things to do in the nursery ( i . e . , awaiting the arrival of our crib mattress , putting up crown molding , adding a brown ribbon along the bottom edge of the curtains , art to hang about the changing table , etc . ) , I want to share our progress so far . Here 's the view when you walk in . The dresser we 're using as a changing table . Here is the set of shelves and desk we got from Crate and Barrel . ( Don 't worry - they 're very secured to the wall . ) And the crib with my favorite part of the nursery - the hippo decal we got from Etsy ! It 's hard to tell from the pictures , but the walls are a light shade of brown , which contrasts nicely with all the white furniture and pink accents . I adore the way the room turned out , and sometimes I just stand there and stare , imagining what it 'll be like to actually use the room when she 's here . " Architecture in general is frozen music . " - F . W . J . Schelling A couple of months ago , Brent told me , with a combination of excitement and disappointment in his eyes , " The Hives and the Eagles of Death Metal are playing together ! But it 's at the end of September so I don 't know if you 'll be up for going . " I told him we 'd wait until closer to the date to see how I feel , and if tix were still available , we 'd get them . Not ready to end my pre - baby concert season , I decided to get tix last week . The show ? In a word ? AWESOME . I should have known it was going to be a great show when we ran into one of The Hives ' guitarists , Nicholaus Arson , during dinner . I was a big goof and went over to him and the roadie he was eating with to sheepishly say , " We 're really excited about your show . " He smiled and said , " Thanks , " although at the time I wasn 't sure if he could understand me because a few of the Swedish band members don 't speak English . ( We later learned that he does , in fact , speak English . ) Brent and I first learned about the Eagles of Death Metal during a benefit show a few years ago for Hurricane Katrina . The band is an over - the - top garage band . They 're rockers who put on a fabulous show . During their set , as Brent was practically on the edge of his seat and I was leaned back , I could tell from the back of Brent 's head that he was beaming from ear to ear , enjoying it so much . Eagles of Death Metal rock so hard that they had TWO , count ' em , TWO drummers during their set , including one of the band 's founders , Josh Homme ( probably best known as the guitarist / drummer from Queens of the Stone Age ) . I didn 't bring my good camera with me , but was able to capture a grainy pic with my Blackberry . We lucked out with an awesome view from the front row of the venue 's balcony . Then The Hives hit the stage and again , we were blown away . I can 't put into words how awesome they are . There 's never a dull moment , and the audience has a blast responding to the lead singer 's demand for more cheering . The Hives were the first band we saw after I found out I was pregnant , and I can 't imagine a better way to Posted by This a . m . I was thinking , " If I wait too long between blog posts , peeps are going to think I went into labor . " And wouldn 't you know it , today I received a " Haven 't heard from you in a while . . . I hope you 're ok " email from the lovely La Petite Chic . Yup , things are going well . Just been simultaneously busy getting ready for Em Dash 's arrival , as well as feeling too tired to open my laptop . Third trimester exhaustion has been worse than the first trimester exhaustion because this time around I 'm more uncomfortable . I can 't lay on my stomach or back , and getting up off the couch or the bed is akin to a turtle on its back - - there 's a lot of momentum required to get my basketball belly in motion . Since I last wrote , I 've continued to put the finishing touches on the nursery . All the newborn and 0 - 3 months clothing , along with the linens , burp cloths , changing pad and Boppy covers are all washed - in scent - free detergent , of course . This weekend while visiting my mom , and I rested on her couch , she told my 3 - year - old nephew , " Go say ' hi ' to the baby . " He walked over , gently patted my belly , said " Hi , baby , " lifted up my shirt slightly , kissed my belly and rested his ear on it . Seriously , if that doesn 't melt your heart then you are dead inside . Heh . Earlier this week we got our car seat installations inspected via Santa Monica police department 's monthly inspection . Brent did a pretty good job installing the bases with both our cars , but they just needed a few tweaks . Plus we learned tips for actually strapping Em Dash into the seat . Oh , and we discovered that there 's a special little holder on the underside of the car seat for car seat instructions . Fun ! ( Seriously ! ) Monday evening was our last baby - related class : breastfeeding . I could tell that Brent was hesitant to go , with his continuous " Are you sure husbands need to attend this class ? " But I wanted him there so he could potentially remind me of tips , etc . , when / if I have a hard time getting Em Dash to latch on and feed correctly . Our classmates weren 't as obnoxious Posted by One . . . month . . . left ! My due date , Oct . 19 , is one month away ! Here is my not - so - weekly belly photo , which was taken in a rush this morning so forgive the lack of polish . You 'd be surprised how many times I make Brent retake photos until there 's one I 'm content with . Oh , and this is how I wear my hair when I don 't feel like blow drying it . Brent and I continue to prepare for Em Dash 's arrival . Saturday the rest of our condo ( minus the bedrooms ) is getting painted , so I 'm going up to visit my mom to avoid the fumes . A few more finishing touches on the nursery and we 'll be all set . I 've been picking up the last little things we 'll need ( toiletries , newborn onesies , my first pack of diapers - whee ! ) before she gets here . A lot of folks have been asking us about Em Dash 's name . It usually goes something like , " Have you guys decided on a name yet ? " followed quickly by " Iknowyou ' renottelling , soI ' mnotexpectingyoutoTELLmethename . I ' mjustwondering . " The answer ? No , we have not decided on a name . But we are close . We have one solid front runner , with a few runner - ups . And tonight on our way home from dinner , I brought up the front runner . Hilariously , when I said the name , Em Dash kicked me really , really hard ( but not painfully ) . We don 't know if that was in agreement or protest , but I had tears in my eyes from laughter . Lastly , after months of going back and forth with our HR team , I 've finalized the timing for my maternity leave today . I 'm planning to work as long as I 'm comfortable because the more time I take before Em Dash arrives , the less time I 'll have with her when she 's actually here . So , as of now with my Oct . 19th due date in mind , my leave will start Oct . 15th and end Feb . 23 ! That 's more than four months with our baby girl ! And it could be an additional month if I end up having a C - section ( which I really , really , really want to avoid ) . All this time is a combination of my company 's generous maternity leave , as well as 6 weeks of California 's Paid Family Leave , something that my Toronto - based HR team was not famiPosted by Me : I ordered the cutest little outfit from Old Navy for the baby ! It 's a fleece suit with animal ears ! ! ! It 's pink and . . . Brent : NO MORE PINK ! Me : Um . . . Brent : Seriously ! I 'm already overloaded on pink ! Me : Ok . Not everything I ordered is pink , I promise ! Me : But there 's still a little pink . . . " Pink Hearts , Yellow Moons , Green Clovers , and Orange Stars - that leprechaun 's on acid ! " - Black Gallagher , Chappelle 's Show This was a very productive weekend . Friday night we headed down to Irvine to catch Maroon 5 with co - headliners Counting Crows . We arrived in the middle of CC 's set . It was interesting to watch the hardcore CC fans . It 's not often that I go to a show where I don 't know all the songs . Peeps were into it , and it was fun to see what I must look like to others when the acts I love hit the stage . M5 was awesome , as always . That 's the last scheduled concert I have before Em Dash 's arrival , although there 's a chance that I may catch one more show in a couple weeks , depending on how I feel . Saturday we had a painter come by to paint the nursery . It looks great ! I 'll share pics once it 's all put together , which will be soon , soon , soon . Although we used low - VOC paint , I still didn 't want to sit around in the fumes , so we went to my in - laws ' . There we assembled baby stuff . Brent installed the car seat while I put together the stroller frame and the baby bouncer . We went for dinner at a nearby restaurant called Honey 's Kettle Kitchen for some fried chicken . I was expecting a delicious dinner and great experience after reading a recent review in Los Angeles Magazine , noting it was the best fried chicken around . We had an awful experience . In a nutshell , we waited 30 minutes after ordering our food at a counter . And the staff was less than apologetic . I 'll spare you the details , but you can read my full scathing review on Yelp if you 're interested . After dinner we came home and Brent assembled some more nursery furniture , namely our new desk and shelves . This morning Brent put together the last of our nursery stuff - the crib ! So exciting ! With everything assembled , I organized a ton of Em Dash 's stuff . Everything is coming together so nicely . I 'm excited to put the finishing touches on and finally share all our hard work with you ! " Prepare your mind to receive the best that life has to offer . " - Ernest Holmes Posted by I think this is the only photo I 've seen of my parents when they were expecting . ( That 's me in her belly ! ) If it 's not obvious , he was trying to get my mom to pose for the camera . She was a hesitant participant . It 's funny to think what my parents must have gone through as they prepared for my arrival . They were young . My dad was 23 , my mom was 21 . He was in the Air Force , my mom was a stay - at - home wife . They certainly didn 't take any classes or research nearly as much as Brent and I have in anticipation of our daughter 's arrival . My mom was not a comfortable pregnant woman . She had horrific morning sickness . Her 87 - lb . frame probably freaked out once a baby was thrown into the mix . She craved steak and lobster all the time . And she made my dad quit smoking in preparation for my arrival - - a FABULOUS idea , if I do say so , especially since he never started up again . I don 't remember much of my youngest days , obviously , but I do know that my dad loved being a daddy . He was kind and loving . He taught me how to find the fun in the mundane . He was silly and made bad jokes . He taught me to appreciate music , both as a musician and a fan . He passed down his love of food . He taught me that it didn 't matter if I was the best in school as long as I tried my best . He also taught me not to sweat the small stuff , something I apply to my life every . single . day . Five years ago today he was taken from us , but his spirit lives on in so many ways . " A sweet thing , for whatever time , to revisit in dreams the dear dad we have lost . " - Euripides Last night after posting , I organized a bunch of Em Dash 's clothes to figure out what stuff I wanted to wash in preparation for her arrival . I sorted everything else and organized it in her closet , which we emptied out over the weekend . I was on my feet for 30 - 45 minutes before I looked down and saw that not only were my ankles swollen ( no big surprise ) , but my feet were blue ! Where my toes connected to the rest of my foot were two bands of blue ( pretty much where flip - flops would cover , but I was barefoot ) . I wasn 't sure if it was a simple side effect from the foot massage earlier in the night , a strange but typical pregnancy thing or a sign of something I should worry about . I contemplated my options for a few minutes then decided to call my OB 's after - hours number to talk to a doc on call . Within a few minutes one called me back . She said that as long as my feet weren 't numb ( they weren 't ) , then not to worry about it . Coincidentally I had a check - up scheduled for today , so that put my mind at ease . She said that the doc today would take a look at me and we could discuss further . At my appointment today , the other doc also said it 's normal , especially when there 's fluid retention . In fact , he looked at my feet and said , " They 're actually a little blue now . " But apparently it 's nothing to worry about . Phew . I talked to him about other pregnancy pain . I 've been having some pain and numbness in random fingers in the middle of the night and the morning . He confirmed my suspicions - it 's pregnancy - induced carpal tunnel , which again is perfectly normal . He suggested I wear wrist braces to bed to keep my wrists straight and promote circulation to my fingers to prevent the pain I 've been feeling . It really is a wonder that pregnancy doesn 't make a woman 's toes and fingers fall off from lack of circulation . On my way home from the appointment I stopped at Babies R Us to get a maternity belt , something that was recommended to me by my doctor a few weeks ago when I mentioned some pelvic pain I 've been having . Apparently that ' Posted by This evening I had to drag myself up from a nap to make it to my prenatal massage appointment . I know , tough life , right ? The massage was even better than last time , especially since she worked on my swollen feet a bit . It felt soooo nice . A co - worker mentioned to me that Jack in the Box has a new tasty treat called mac bites , which are basically bits of mac n cheese fried in a tempura - like batter . So I picked some up on the way home for dinner . They were delicious , but I don 't think I 'd go for the large size again . There is such a thing as too much fried goodness . I topped my night off with the new CW show , Privileged . While I can 't get past how much the lead looks like my beautiful blogger pal , Heather , I 'm digging the premise . ( Someone described it as Gilmore Girls meets Gossip Girl , neither of which I 've watched . ) I 'll check it out again next week . Anyone watch True Blood on HBO ? I 'm not in love with it yet , but I did enjoy it and look forward to seeing what they do next week . I also think Bill the Vampire is easy on the eyes , a sort of scruffy Paul Rudd . Rawr . I 'm adding lots of new shows to my TV repertoire seeing as how this fall I 'll be spending a lot of time in front of the TV while feeding Em Dash . I imagine I won 't be able to do much with a baby attached to me , but it 'll be worth it . " If a vampire bat was in the U . S . , it would make sense for it to come to a " - sylvania . " Like Penn - sylvania . Now that doesn 't mean that Jim is going to become a vampire . Only that he carries the vampiric germ . " - Dwight , The Office Saturday was our Infant Care class , which I was looking forward to because , quite frankly , Brent and I haven 't taken care of a lot of babies . And there was that " incident " from three years ago , straight out of a sitcom , that stands out in my head . ( Short story : we babysat for some friends of ours and ended up putting her diaper on backward . Oops . I also didn 't mention the part where we had to stand her up to put it on in the first place . Double oops . ) So I was ready to learn more about taking care o ' babies . The class was from 10 - 1 . I must admit that I was riveted . In the pregnant state that I am , my bathroom trips are more frequent , but I had to hold it ' cuz I was so interested in everything she had to say . I especially enjoyed her opening slide show that included all the ways our baby may look when she makes her grand entrance ( stork bites , baby acne , newborn rash , blue hands or feet , dry skin , etc . - - all sorts of stuff that might freak out a new parent ) . We learned how to swaddle , how to dress and undress the baby , tips for changing the diaper , tips for feeding , carrying the baby , putting the baby down for the night , how to tell if the baby is sick , etc . I think Brent got a lot out of the class , too , despite his being a little creeped out by the disapproving look of our fake baby . Best of all ? The class was free of the idiot parents from our childbirth class . No stupid questions , no one talking just to hear themselves talk . All in all , the three hours went by quite quickly and I 'm feeling at least a little more prepared . Our class was right around the corner from a new bakery that I was dying to try . How excited was I ? Well , the night before I actually dreamt about trying it . Sad , but true . I think the pun - filled name alone was enough to draw me in . The place is called Kiss My Bundt ! As you may imagine , they feature bundt cakes of all sizes and flavors . They were offering free samples of their baby bundts ( or maybe the mini bundts ? I 'm not 100 % sure ) . We ordered three to take home in addition to the two samples we tPosted by 45 days left until Em Dash 's arrival ! Today my co - worker returned to work after a week off and said to me , " Wow ! You really popped while I was gone ! " It 's funny ' cuz I was thinking the same thing . I spend my evenings at home waddling around in a maternity sleep bra ( aka a sports bra designed to keep your massive boobs from flopping around too much while sleeping , with a less constricting band around the bottom ) and shorts . Brent sometimes stop mid - sentence because of my belly to say , " Holy crap , you are PREGNANT ! " I find myself bumping into things with my belly more often , forgetting that I 've grown so much horizontally . Leaning over to grab something off the counter or picking something off the floor of my car . . . heck , even trying to put pants on in the morning - I have to bend my legs differently . It 's so strange , yet freakin ' hilarious . And over the past week or so , Em Dash has started getting the hiccups . I was starting to worry about her because she HADN ' T had them yet . ( Just one of many things a pregnant woman could be paranoid about . ) I was worried that her little parts in charge of hiccups weren 't developing correctly , so I was relieved when she finally got them . They feel so different from her typical kicks and pushes . It 's movement from deep within my belly , continous movements that I can feel much more while laying on my back than on either of my sides . Brent can easily feel and see them , too . One of the few things my mom remembers from her pregnancy with me is that I 'd often get hiccups in the middle of the night . Hasn 't happened to me yet , but Em Dash does tend to get them right when I lay down to sleep . In not - so - fun pregnancy news , good - bye ankles , hello cankles . Boooo . I 'm actually typing this with my feet in a foot bath in the hopes of reducing the swelling . And I regularly wrap my ankles in ice packs . Swelling can suck it ! " There was that law of life , so cruel and so just , that one must grow or else pay more for remaining the same . " - Norman Mailer Thursday - The gorgeous wedding of Randi and Mike ! I love all the little details they put into the wedding , and I got to see hottie hubby in a yarmulke ! ( All the boys wore them . ) Friday - Long overdue dinner w / Josh and Jami . - Talked to their babysitter , a high school senior , about how technology has changed high school since I was there . She told me about how her teachers have websites where they post notes from class , assignments , etc . And kids can upload assignments via a special site that determines if content was plagiarized from classmates or other assignments in the database . My , how times have changed . Saturday - Got a message from justJENN that said , " Will you be home ? I want to drop something off . " I thought , " Oooh , baked goods ! Baked goods ! " And I was right ! Check out these ingenious bad boys ! It 's Domo Kun , whom I adore ! I had to take a picture of a cupcake with one of my Domo dolls ! ( Yes , I have more than one Domo doll . ) - Went to IKEA to pick up the dresser that will double as our changing table , which was the last piece of furniture we needed to complete the nursery ! - Organized shower gifts , including all the clothes given to us and what I 've purchased . She 's going to have to be like an Oscars hostess and go through four outfits in a day to get through them all . Not that that 's a bad thing ! Sunday - Brent , his bro and I discovered an AMAZING breakfast place in West LA . After eating , Brent turned to me and said , " Don 't tell anyone about this place ! " aka " Don 't blog about this ! " Sorry , folks . You 'll have to search for it yourself . Heh . - Met up with Alyssa , her awesome husband Rob , and another couple of really nice friends of theirs for dinner at Noodle Planet . - Dinner was followed by an awesome Jack Johnson show at UCLA . Alyssa is a HUGE Jack fan , and I 've always liked him but hadn 't had a chance to see him until now . He puts on a great show , which was even better because of the wonderful company . Monday - We had our handy man over and spent Labor Day laboring . He installed the dishwasher that Brent thought he Posted by I . am . tired . I am beyond exhausted but I don 't want the blogosphere to think I 've given up on it , so here 's a pic to hold you over . It 's from Randi and Mike 's beautiful Thursday evening wedding . The hit of the party was a photobooth they rented . Such a step up from the Polaroid guestbook we had at ours ! And so much fun ! Click on the photo for some narrative notes . A full long - weekend recap coming soon ! " One should never criticize his own work except in a fresh and hopeful mood . The self - criticism of a tired mind is suicide . " - Charles Horton Cooley
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Recent Comments Louise on Posters , Nerds , and Tatto … Maddie Rosebrook on Thoughts on College and G … Do it like there isn … on J . K . Rowling 's Storyreadingwithafeather on So What If Capitalism is … National Insurance c … on So What If Capitalism is … Search for : Uncategorized Daily Post : Being Alone You are on a mission to Mars . Because of the length of of the journey , you will never be able to return to Earth . What about our blue planet will you miss the most ? So , I 've been away for a painfully long time while finishing essays and finals . I took a week of relaxation and hopefully now , blogging will become my addiction again . I work at the library for five hours and there 's nothing to do for 3 of those hours . The chairs aren 't comfortable enough for me to just read , so blogging it is ( hopefully ) . It 's romantic , it 's swoon - worthy , and when you see and hear these romantic words in a romance , you can 't help but make an embarrassing squeal . ( Of course , some of you aren 't romantics and probably puke when you watch / read this . ) It 's perfectly fine in the movies and the books , but I firmly believe that 's where it should stay . " You 're my whole world . " " You 're all I need . " It all sounds cute , but it has pretty depressing undertones if you consider the break - up . And with these relationships , you see a lot of break - ups . A friend of mine just broke up with his girlfriend ( who 's another friend of mine , yes it is as awkward as it sounds ) and he is depressed . He chose to break - up with her , but he didn 't expect her to be happier without him . They had one of those " you 're all I need " type of relationships . They planned out their future in detail and when they broke up , he went on a downward spiral . To make this short - he 's had three almost attempted suicides . It 's sad and he 's getting help . Why the " you 're my whole world " type of relationship might have these consequences is because you value this relationship over yourself and what it takes to form who you are or who you will be . I 'm not saying that a break - up has to happen just because you 're changing jobs / majors / schools , but it means that these needs should be considered . A relationship might break . If I had a SO tell me I was their whole world , it would be overwhelming . It means that if I fail them , they fail . I never want that type of relationship . I 'm more into the idea of two individual people who support each other . I want my SO to come to me for advice , comfort , and to have a good time with and I want to be able to do that as well . This " all or nothing " relationship seems adolescent to me , but I 've never been married and am quite young , so what do I know ? This is all opinion and has stemmed from my friends ' break - up . I would like to hear your thoughts if you have any . Scholarship Essay I 'm applying for a scholarship in the Women 's Studies Department and I would love some feedback or even a like if you enjoy it and find it compelling . I 'm nervous , but would love to have the money for next semester when some of my grants will be taken away . I 'm also sending this into my professor and am terrified she 'll call it crap and that 'll be the end of that . I 'm one of those people who always want to impress a professor . HELP ! Silence has been my response for when I was put in a situation when I had to stand up for what I believed in . It was easier than offending somebody and facing negative consequences . This was my stance for eighteen years until I went into college and learned that to make a difference , I had to be loud . Not only that , I needed to start taking steps to being an activist . Not only did I need to learn how to say what I wanted , I needed to show how it could happen , demonstrate it in my own actions , and convince others that making a change was needed . I found this to be most important when I took a class on Trafficking and went to India to listen to a panel discussion on the laws regarding women there . I met a number of activists in India and they were prepared with what was happening , where it came from , and how they were going to change it . One panelist spoke about how sexual assault is defined by anything that makes a woman uncomfortable and that includes cat - calling from men on the streets . A number of my peers scoffed at this idea , claiming this wasn 't harming the woman and women have to put up with much worse at the clubs and bars in the United States . The panelist asked them if that meant it should be accepted just because it was a common occurrence . It was harder to argue against her ideas after this question . It brought my attention to a number of instances that are accepted because " it 's going to happen anyway . " Literature is a part of media that has been influencing people much longer than movies and television shows . What is shown in these books gives readers the ability to track the changes throughout history of culture and people . It gives an account of how people treated others , including women . Now , books are being produced with mixed messages . Some have women acting as girl in need while others have women who stand strong for what she believes in no matter the consequences . In popular fiction , it 's harder to come across the latter , but it is possible . What I find to be important is to bring up these books and create new writers who realize how their words are going to affect their audience . They may consider this in plot , but the basic relationship between the characters is more important than most might think . These women can be a mother , a girlfriend , or a wife . What needs to be conveyed is that they 're more than this . Many authors want to write round characters so they create the loving girlfriend , the nosy mother , or the crazy wife . These depictions are further perpetuating that women only have so many identities . Even if these identities are positive , they 're ones that take away the identity of a person and only throws them in a category . One day , I plan to be able to write more on this subject and if I am able to publish fiction , I want to be able to be a feminism activist by writing women that are complete people and are not shown as objects . " It 's going to happen anyway , " is a popular response to feminists who are becoming activists in their community . It 's easy to be quiet for there won 't be backlash from others , but it 's difficult for someone when they realize that they had an opportunity to begin making a change and they didn 't seize it . I plan to become a stronger activist , but at this point , I 'm making as many waves as I can . My first essay I wrote on the topic was looking at how Tolkien wrote women in The Silmarillion and The Lord of the Rings . Since then , I have read books that are on the popular shelf with a critical blog and made comments in my own notes and in a blog . My plan is to strengthen my personal thoughts on feminism and the way I think it should be shown in literature . I also plan to write stories that can create readers who say that women being seen as people with identities who have the same rights as men is " going to happen anyway . " I Ate My Weight in Uttapam … No , I didn 't . It was good though . If you haven 't heard of this Southern Indian Delicacy , it tastes like a potato pancake mixed with a pizza . It was the only food I liked in India and I got it if it was available . Without a camera , so I have no pictures . I can steal pictures from others which I will do soon in my next post . Right now , I 'm just checking in with those who read this . I did have some interesting experiences . I went in a tuk - tuk an experienced the fear of almost dying . For those of you that don 't know … . I survived despite the crazy , cringe - worthy traffic . It was around 70 - 80 degrees , so that was a nice difference from the snow of New York . Right now it 's near white out conditions in good ol ' Oswego . I 'm missing the heat . I really am . First day of classes , so I should go to those . Found out there 's a Harry Potter class and I 'm not signed up for it . I 'm off to figure out what this class is , if it fits in my schedule , and make possible threats so I can manage to get into it . Hopefully , it won 't overload my English classes . ( Fingers crossed ! ) … . Unfortunately , I failed . I tried to write , I really did . There were days when I would hammer out 10 , 000 words and feel great . I wrote almost everyday , but then last week happened and I just stopped . I got to about 33 , 000 words and I 'm still proud of myself . Mostly , I just got bored of the novel I was writing . It was a story for me and nothing I would want to revisit . I 'm glad I wrote as far as I did , but it will probably sit there and not do a thing and instead just be a reminder of my attempt . Also , if there is anyone on here who reads this and attends college , you may sympathize with me when you realize that it was last week where I stopped . If you haven 't attended college yet , heads up , the week before Thanksgiving is the most painful week . Papers , presentations , random homeworks , and everything else is due . I had also been trying to figure out my VISA for India ( which online said it might not be here on time . Uh - oh ) and that was a painful time . I was on the verge of tears everyday and fun didn 't exist . To add to that , my boyfriend and I have been in the possibility of breaking up and I was emotionally drained . ( I might write about that , but really don 't hold your breath . ) So , that 's my little story of where I 've been and how I actually didn 't stop blogging . It 's going to be slow moving while I remember how to update more often than once a month , but I will attempt that . I like to pretend that their are people out there who love to read this . I have one friend who has the link and I 'm curious as to if he keeps up with it , but I don 't have high hopes . ( He has problems keeping up with anything , it seems . ) Hmmmm now that I have a post where I 'm just rambling , I 'll give you some other updates . I 've been reading some good books . I finished Allegiant which I did enjoy despite the ending . If you haven 't read it and like The Hunger Games , Maze Runner , and other such YA dystopian , I would recommend the Divergent series . Also , the movie comes out in February . I watched Catching Fire and that was pretty good as well . It was one of the better book to movies I 've seen . What else ? I 'm looking into Grad Schools for some point in the next few years . Currently , I 'm set on going for Creative Writing , but I 'll see . I 'm set on Hollins ( Virginia ) right now , but that could be because it 's snowing here in New York and I hate the cold . They say that if you 're born in a cold area you 'll toughen up and I 'll just put my thoughts on that here : Okay , I 'm wrapping this post up and will plan on writing more . I may even write ahead of time and then publish when I feel like it . That sounds like fun , doesn 't it ? ! I 'm also looking at one or two more blogs . Originally , this blog was supposed to be about the books I read , but people tend to like my random thoughts better which is cool and everything , but I really want to write about books . I 'm thinking about doing a " how it should have ended " blog as an addition . Also , I really want to start talking about self - image and social constructions of what the female is supposed to be like . It 's be fun to talk about feminism being a real , live human being . I 'd like to hear your opinion and if you don 't want to share that , whatever , that 's cool too . I 'll be referencing a lot of Laci Green as well and if you haven 't heard of her , GO TO YOUTUBE . She 's kind of my favorite thing right now . Actually , guys I 'm going to talk about her in my next post . There is so much hate going on towards her . I think it 'll be a fun time . Unless of course you hate all of that feminism human talk . Harry Potter Part 2 What I 'm about to write about is one of my favorite subjects to talk about in any fantasy . I believe that a fantasy work isn 't complete without the topic of redemption in it . I didn 't become interested in the idea of redemption until I took a Tolkien class . If you 've read The Lord of the Rings and especially The Silmarillion , redemption is one of the most important themes . Tolkien was one to put a form of redemption in his text and make a reader question if the character managed to redeem himself ( Borimir , Galadriel , and Gollum are the ones that stick out the most ) . J . K . Rowling also uses this sense of redemption as well . Dudley is a minor character , but that chapter was one I remember reading so perfectly . I believe I even cried . Then again , it might have been because I had just started Deadly Hallows . This was a scene in the movie , but it was cut . I wish it hadn 't been since we did see a bit of Dudley traumatizing Harry . For those of you who only watch the movie and haven 't seen the cut scene , this is basically what happens . The Dursley 's are ready to set out after being told that Voldemort will try to use them to get to Harry . There 's a great line where they both are thinking silently to themselves if Harry would even come to rescue them . The answer isn 't there , but it 's one that I 've always wondered as well and adds more character to Harry even though it 's not a big point . Anyway , when they 're about to leave , Dudley doesn 't move . He asks why Harry isn 't going with them . He doesn 't understand that they 're about to separate . Another character chastises the Dudley 's for not understanding where Harry 's going . Harry tells her that he 's only been a waste of space to them . Then Dudley says this : " I don 't think you 're a waste of space . " The surprise and shock I felt at that moment was right with Harry 's . He tells the witch that it 's like an I love you from Dudley . They shake and Dudley leaves . End of scene . It 's such a small moment for Dudley , but did he redeem himself ? He had teased and beat up Harry all through his seventeen years . Many were angry with him , but do you blame a child for acting on something when he 's known no difference ? He had been taught that Harry was abnormal and an awful boy . He was something that Dudley couldn 't understand and only learned at the hip of his parents . You could stretch this to the idea of homophobic children because that 's what they know . They don 't understand why a person likes somebody of the same gender , so it 's weird and can even be a reason to tease somebody or fear it . Dudley is terrified of Harry 's magic . He doesn 't understand it . When he has to face Harry leaving , it 's like a whole new world for Dudley . He 's always had Harry . He 's the little brother he was taught to hate though he might not have known why . Dudley wasn 't a bright kid and I don 't think he learned how to think for himself until then . Yes , I 'm still angry at what happened to him , but he was nothing but a child . He didn 't know what Harry was . He 's still a bully to other children and still awful , but I think he manages to have a moment of redemption when he realizes his brother of sorts may die in a battle that Dudley can 't even begin to comprehend . Also , Rowling apparently debated on having Harry see Dudley in the epilogue putting his magical child onto the train . I get goosebumps every time I think of this possibility . It would be amazing and emotional . She decided not to because Petunia killed any possible magic from her side of the family , but still . * Shivers * So , I just learned that people really hate Wormtail like they hate Umbridge . I was taken by surprise . I know he 's an awful cowering creature , but just like Dudley , he doesn 't know how to think for himself . Before I go further I would just to let you in my head . I don 't believe that there is any reason for somebody to kill another person or make somebody 's life a living hell no matter what that person has been through . We create our own future . The only reason why I could forgive Dudley is because he was still a child and he was changing even if we didn 't get to see what he ended up being . Peter Pettigrew is different because he 's an adult and his point of redemption is one where people really have to ask if he redeemed himself . Now this is another important scene that was taken from the movie . It 's a scene that still bothers me . I thought it was one of the most important themes in Harry Potter and they took it out . I was disappointed , but I realized I didn 't notice it until I had a conversation about redemption . What happens in said scene is that Wormtail catches Harry and his friends escaping from the prison in the basement of Malfoy Manor . He has his wand pointing at Harry and then Harry says " You 're going to kill me ? After I saved your life ? You owe me Wormtail ! " Wormtail hesitates and in this hesitation the silver hand that Voldemort created , turns on him and strangles him . Dumbledore , later on , said that Harry knew that Pettigrew felt regret . The hand that Voldemort created was evil and didn 't understand those feelings . Some people wish that he had been killed because it 's what he deserved . Harry couldn 't have killed him because , well , that 's not Harry . I think that it turning on him was the best possible situation . Now did he redeem himself ? He committed one act by letting Harry go . He didn 't even entirely do that , but he felt a bit of regret and that was enough . Since he couldn 't control himself , I don 't think he necessarily redeemed himself . Still , it was close . This is one of those situations where it 's up to the reader . This is what it usually is no matter the situation . It 's all going to be up to the reader to tell if he redeemed himself and still we can 't be sure . I 'm on the fence about Peter . Without him having that small act of guilt , it would have ended completely different . If anyone can look at that image without almost breaking down ( or completely ) , I give you props . Let me tell you , I 'm at work right now and am trying to ignore what I just posted because tears will come . They 're guaranteed to . I remember getting to the end of this chapter and just being completely shocked . " How could you do this to me , Rowling ? How ? ! " Of course , I was happy because I like seeing characters turn out good after being really , really bad ( I 'm watching Buffy and Angel right now and let me tell ya , I have a lot of hope for Connor , Spike , Wesley , Angel , Faith , Willow , and everybody in that show . ) But anyway , I think Snape is one of the most well written characters I 've come across . Still , we can talk about redemption with him . Many people say that Snape is their favorite character because they actually like him . I can 't say that . Yes , he went through all of that bad stuff when he was a child and then he lost the only one he 's ever loved , but that doesn 't make him a good person . He was brave . He could hold love , He was still horrible to both Harry and Neville . Harry obviously had forgiven him , but I 'm not too sure about Neville . Snape put both of them through so much , I 'm not sure how that could be something I could get over . To the redeeming . He 's such an odd character and I definitely think he redeemed himself , but he 's like all the rest of the characters . People are not good or bad , they walk on the line in between the two and will tend to stumble in either direction . Snape acted for himself through all of the times , something that Dumbledore tried to get him to stop doing . Snape was selfish , though he did save Harry and protected him It was out of love for Lily and I think that if Harry was James 's son and not Lily 's at all , even if he was going to end up saving the Wizarding World , Snape would have stayed with Voldemort . It was out of love that Snape bothered staying good , something that Tom Riddle couldn 't comprehend as Harry explains at the end . Redemption for him is one that has to be left up to your opinion . Mine is that I think all three characters managed it , in the end . So , yeah . My love for Harry Potter is one that has lasted a long time . There have been times when it wasn 't so obvious in my life such as my Senior year of High school . ( Why didn 't I pick a Harry Potter quote for the yearbok , WHY ? ) But it always comes back and I fall deeply in love . Since High school , I have fallen in love with Harry Potter all over again . I love the movies and the books . The books are obviously better , but I can 't say no to the movies . Especially with all the lovely gifs it has blessed me with . Anyway , I 'm going to do this in list form , so I can use favorite pictures and tell you why and what I love about Harry Potter . I 'm also going to break it up because some are longer than others . There will be more posts later on ! I hope you 're as excited as I am ! ( That 's not possible ) This was originally written last week during Banned Books Week , but I didn 't get to finish it . I 'll try and post parts as much as possible . I 'm pretty excited about it ! 1 ) I grew up with it . This will always be reason # 1 . Of course , those who read it later on in life can love it just as much , but the feeling of reading it for the first time when you 're just seven years old and growing up with the Potter kids is amazing . Unfortunately , I don 't have any pictures of me reading Harry Potter . My parents were not picture fans nor did they think the Harry Potter craze was going to last . My mother actually didn 't want me to read Harry Potter . She thought it would be too difficult for me to get through and I had to beg to read it . I don 't remember why I wanted to read it so much , but I was set on it . I was so excited when I finished the first one and came out to my parents , set the book down on the couch , and said triumphantly , " I 'm done ! " . They sat there and barely looked up , " that 's nice . " Thanks parents for all your support . ( They weren 't bad parents , but it was true that I didn 't understand a lot of what I read . I had a habit of skimming as a child ) Either way , I still fell in love with the series . She 's the girl , and eventually the woman , I 've always looked up to . I read an article saying that Hermione is the anti - feminist because of all her tears and screams . Can you imagine if we didn 't have a Hermione who had emotions ? I believe that the strongest characteristic of a woman is the ability to hold so many emotions and the love we can have for others . People brought her down because she cried when Ron left . He was her best friend and she knew she may possibly die on the trip . He could die too . Yes , Harry was upset , but he didn 't know what else to do . She did leave with Harry and also left the possibility of ever seeing Ron again . Also , she 's the brains of the group . Not only that , but she 's the one who brings logic in despite her emotions . Can you imagine the trio without Hermione ? It wouldn 't exist . She had flaws and strengths just like a normal person . She could be an insufferable know - it - all , but she could also care about her friends and help them find their way .
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Tag Archives : Therapy 9Jun2017 No one . Posted in Stillbirth by Randi As I reached into the back of my spice cabinet and felt them , I knew what they were . The numbers 3 & 0 . They were my birthday candles ; hot pink , and glittery on tiny little toothpicks . They were my favorite candles , and they were from my favorite birthday - My 30th . I was finally pregnant after all of our infertility treatments , and I was so happy . Shane and Landon went together to buy me a birthday present . They bought me a past present future ring that I 've worn on my right ring finger ever since . This is the only gift I have " from " Kenley . When I opened the gift , I imagined giving it to her when she was older , maybe on her high school graduation day . Maybe on her wedding day ; it could be her something old . People don 't prepare you for these things . No one ever tells you that every day is a fight ; to get out of bed , to not fall apart every second of every day , to feel normal - whatever that new normal may be . No one ever tells you that you will feel like your body failed you ; that you will hate yourself for what your body did to your child . You never hear about the judgement you will face , like you 're damaged goods , and now you 're less of a Mother because your child is dead . No one tells you that you will constantly replay the moments over and over in your head , no matter how hard you try to block them out ; your memories become your nightmares . No one tells you that somehow you make it through . Somehow you are still alive . Somehow you are still breathing , but you are not the same person as before . You will never be that person ; that person died with the child you lost . That person no longer exists . I don 't know that I would have believed anyone , during the early days of grief , had they told me that eventually you just learn how to survive . Surviving doesn 't mean that things get easier ; honestly , things get more complicated and weird as time goes on . Surviving doesn 't mean that you forgot , or ever will forget the child you lost , or that this child is any less loved than they were the moment you found out of their existence . 13Feb2017 30 days left . Posted in Stillbirth by Randi We had an NST today , and Alden was once again an over achiever . They want to see 2 accelerations in 2o minutes - she had 10 . I 'm so thankful that she is proving to me she is healthy , and active but damn I can 't wait until she is earth side and in my arms . While we were sitting there listening to her heartbeat ( which , by the way is computer generated and not the real noise … I feel like I 've been lied to ! ) I looked over at Shane and told him that I cannot wait to see him holding Alden . He was sitting so close to me , keeping a hand on the monitor because he wanted to make sure we were getting a good reading ( her heartbeat wasn 't showing up strong so the nurse suggested I keep a hand over top of the monitor ) . I am so thankful for him . I know I say it a lot , but sometimes it just hits me really really hard how much I love him . He really can 't wait for her to be here , and I am so excited to watch him be a Father again . I wanted to watch him Father Kenley , but I get to see that done in different ways . I know that he is going to love this little girl so much . I just can 't wait . I can 't wait to see Landon interact with her , too . Ugh , my heart is exploding just thinking about it ! I know she will bring so much joy to our lives , and I am genuinely looking forward to that , but I am still so scared of Kenley being forgotten . Tomorrow is Valentine 's day . Last year on Valentine 's day I remember sitting on the edge of my bed , in my robe , crying - no sobbing more like it , and thinking about how this was supposed to be Kenley 's first real holiday . I had gotten a cute little onesie for her to wear as an xmas gift ; It say 's " Daddy 's Sweetheart " . I was looking through the clothes in the closet the other night when I came across it . It sent chills down my spine . I wanted to rip it out of the closet and throw it in the trash , yet at the same time I couldn 't stand to look at it long enough to even remove it . I 'm not too sure what will happen with that outfit … Last year at this time - specifically Valentine 's day - I did not want to be alive . I remember thinking about how badly I wanted to be with Kenley . I would never actually kill myself , but I remember thinking how sad I was , how lonely I was . I was in the raw grief period , and that period is like no other . There is no way to prepare someone for the darkness that you feel in the early days after a loss . It 's indescribable . I knew I needed help , so I called up some therapists and scheduled an appointment with one . I am so proud of myself for doing that because honestly ? I could have literally laid down in bed and refused to get up again because that 's how awful I felt . I STILL feel that way sometimes . I ( we ) saw a therapist until August , when all of a sudden one day it just didn 't feel right to go anymore . Shane and I agreed that we felt like we were just wasting money by seeing the therapist , not that she wasn 't a great one , but just that we were at the point in our grief where we could lean on each other . Before , it felt like I needed someone to hear everything I had to say , all the time , and I would sometimes lay it on thick to Shane ( who was also grieving but wanting to make things easier on me so he would just listen to me cry for hours when that wasn 't fair to him ) . I can honestly say that I feel 100 % not seeing a therapist anymore . There are days where I feel the darkness heavy inside of me , but I can battle that now . I know when it comes that it will pass , and I know why it 's coming - be it a trigger , or just a bad day . Losing Kenley was a terrible , terrible thing . I think I can confidently say that losing a child is one of the worst - if not THE worst - things in the world . People think that just because you didn 't " spend time " with the child you lost , that you should heal quicker and move on ; just the notion of that makes zero sense to me . Where in these people 's minds do they think it 's okay to expect , well , anything from a Mother who lost a child ? I text with a group of loss moms ( Hi ! I love you all ! ) and we were discussing God + losses today . We 're a pretty open minded bunch , and a few are religious ( while a few aren 't ) so this next stuff isn 't some anti - christ opinion here . Anyway , we were discussing the things that people say to you after a loss , specifically when someone tells you that " it 's God 's plan " . First off , no . Just no . Yikes . Like … do you not realize what that sounds like ? It sounds like you are telling a person who 's CHILD JUST DIED that God intended that to happen ? Like he specifically chose that person and said ok , that baby won 't live . Just does not make sense . Also , there was another comment and it was greeted with a reply from one of the women who said " Ask that woman which one of her children she would like to give back " and that makes so much sense . People say things , such as " God needed another angel " ( this saying makes me cringe deep into my soul ) with intention of making you feel better , when really it 's just making THEM feel better ( fuck if I know how it makes ANYONE feel better ? ? ? ) . When you say God needed another angel , you 're telling that person " God " wanted your baby more than you deserved it . So , because he 's " God " he should just get what he wants . What about what you want ? The chance to raise your baby ( in a faith that serves him NONETHELESS ! ! ! ) . Bottom line , don 't say dumb shit . Like , before you open your mouth , take FIVE seconds , and really , really think about if what you 're going to say is REALLY going to make this person ( not yourself ) feel any better . 17Dec2016 realization . Posted in Stillbirth by Randi I took Landon with me today to pick up the last 5 sleepers I needed to buy to have equal amounts of boy and girl sleepers . I told him I wanted him to help me pick them out , so he got right down to business . He has such a huge heart , and wanted to buy everything of course , but he also did something I was so unprepared for . " IT COMES WITH A BIB " . Realistically , I know why I 'm buying these sleepers , I know that the children who wear them will not be alive , they won 't need a bib , but I think hearing those words from Landon 's sweet naive mouth really just hit harder than I ever expected . I am so thankful to be fortunate enough to purchase these sleepers for other families , but oh how I wish things were so so different . Kenley , I miss you . My heart is aching without you here , sweet girl . I hope you know how much I love you , and I hope you see all of the good I 'm trying to do in your memory . 9Dec2016 grief is love with no place to go . Posted in Stillbirth by Randi I 've been wanting to adopt a family for Christmas , but with all this grief and stress I have going on time has slipped away from me . Today was the last day to actually take the gifts to the office , and I didn 't even get a chance to pick a family . ugh . I really really wanted to do this . Landon is with my family this weekend . My Mom and Stepdad are taking him to the grinch musical , and to dave and busters to eat . He 's going to have one hell of a weekend . I 'm so thankful that they do fun stuff with him , but I miss him terribly . I have all this love for my daughter who should be here . Who should be crawling around causing chaos . Who should be giving me wet kisses . But , it has no place to go . So , helping people makes my heart feel better … and that 's all I can really ask for . Just another shout out to my amazing husband for supporting me and all the things I need to do to make my heart feel better . I love you . I love you . I love you . You will never know how much . I 'm planning on making ( at minimum currently ) 20 care packages of the hospital where we had Kenley . I am planning to include a bunch of things , but the one thing I 'm struggling with is a candle . I would like to include a glass votive candle , or something bigger ( depending on price ) with a healing quote , or something about the candle being a memorial candle etc . I cannot find any that I like on the internet anywhere . I 'm thinking of aromatherapy type scents . Nothing too over powering , and definitely nothing that would smell like anything child related . Sooooo … . I 'm wondering if anyone makes candles , or knows of someone who makes them ? Heck , or just someone who would like to be part of the donation and is willing to learn to make them ? I would love to have something made by another loss mother , or someone who has been affected by the loss of a child in some way shape or form . Like I stated , I would be looking for 20 currently . If I cannot find a candle maker , I will probably buy them from somewhere , but would be interested in someone who could make a graphic sticker for the front of the candles , also . I 'm open to suggestions as well for ideas to include with the care packages . What did you need after you lost your child ? What did someone give you that really stuck with you ? Is there something you didn 't think about needing but ended up REALLY needing ? • I needed tissues . The hospital tissues sucked ASS and my nose was bloody and raw from crying into them . My step - dad purchased a really nice box of soft tissues for us , and brought them the second day in the hospital . This is where the idea came from to buy puffs soft pack tissues ( I bought about 40 full size packs ) and I will be donating them to the maternity ward for baby loss mommas only . • I needed chapstick . I didn 't bring any in my bag , when usually I do . I plan to include a nice chapstick in the carepack as many moms don 't plan to have this awful thing happen to them , and chapstick is the last thing on their mind … until their lips are so dry from constant crying and face wiping . • I 'm adding in a personal bottle of aromatherapy hand lotion . I know that the hospital gives you these things , but having a good quality lotion might make you feel more relaxed ? I know that sounds like a joke , and honestly even saying it sounds awful because nothing can make you feel more relaxed after you just find out your baby died . • I 'm planning to include this book that I was given at the funeral home . It 's a very light read , and that is what I needed in the days after Kenley - not the gigantic book that I was given . This is such a good small book to start with . I 'm also planning to include this book which has been the greatest book I have read since Kenley died . It is written by a loss mother , as well , and it just tells you what you need to hear . The version I will be donating will have Kenley 's name in the back on the memorial page . I had also tossed around the idea of including a molding kit for hand prints . I didn 't get any hand prints from Kenley and I would have loved to have them . These are things that you just don 't think of during the absolute worst moments of your life . I had also thought of including some sort of lara bar , or something like that , but when I thought about it , it made me want to puke a little . I remember them wheeling in this huge cart of coffee , tea , drinks and snacks after she died . It sat in front of my bed about 10 feet away from me , staring at me the entire time we were there . The nurses would come in and ask if we needed our coffee refreshed and all I could think was " my daughter just died " . Anyway , those are my ideas . I know there are a lot of you reading who have lost your children too , so please don 't keep quiet . I 'm looking for input on ANYTHING you can offer me . 2Sep2016 unreal . Posted in Stillbirth by Randi This whole year has felt unreal ; I feel like I am just going through the motions of life in a fog . I know a lot of that is grief and I 'm sure someday it will feel different , but for now it still feels this way . Around the 6 month mark I started to feel like the fog was lifting , but now at 8 months out , it feels as if it 's starting to get foggy again . My brain is pretty much mush anymore , I can 't remember anything , and I know that I 'm blocking a lot of stuff out . At the end of each day I feel as if I 've just finished running a mental marathon . I can 't wait until the moment I get to go to sleep for the night because it 's the only time I feel at peace . It feels like a lot of people 's lives have gone back to their " before " , and that 's ok - I don 't expect people to dwell on my sadness . There are people who randomly let me know that they are thinking of Kenley . They will send us something , text me , email me , or just make a gesture in honor of our family . I do feel , however , that there are people in my life who think I should be better . Maybe they think that I have too many " bad " days . Maybe they think that I have a grim view of certain things still . But , to those people I ask " Can you really blame me ? " … A friend ( you know who you are ! xo ) who lost her beautiful daughter , but can 't really talk about it openly , sent me this last night . I woke up to use the rest room in the middle of the night and I saw it in my email . I smiled , peed and went back to bed . This morning I was able to read it . It is written to a non - bereaved parent in general , but I think that it can apply to family members , or friends who have no children , also . It pretty much applies to everyone . Please take the time to read it . It is the truth of my life now . I know you care for me and am so glad you 're reading this . I know that you can 't fully comprehend , nor would you want to , what it means to be a bereaved parent . Honestly , I 'm still finding out for myself . To live without my child is not something I ever wanted to learn and yet it 's what I have to . I see that you want me to feel better . Let me assure you , you 're doing the best you can to soothe my pain , yet it is here and will be here … until it lessens . It won 't ever go away completely and this is ok . Can you be ok about it with me ? Please do not fear my tears or my sadness , it means that I 'm thinking of her or missing her . It 's not that I am permanently broken or sick , just broken - hearted and grieving . Please have the courage to sit with me and my pain , without needing to fix it . At times I might say ' I need some time to myself ' but more often , I do appreciate you being here , even without any words , keeping me company or doing something with me . Other times I might need distraction and I might even laugh and experience some joy and then feel guilty again and cry in the next moment . It 's ok , this is life and death : complex and paradoxical and not always to be understood . You probably feel that I have changed . You might even hope and wait for me to return to the ' old me ' again . I 'm sorry but that won 't happen . I 'm forever changed . Losing a child is like losing a limb . Even though the scars of the amputation will heal , it 's a permanent change and as much as it sucks , it is what is . I have to get used to it . Will you bear the chance to get to know me as your ' new normal friend ' ? I 've chosen you as my friend because you have a big compassionate heart , yet I know it 's ( almost ) impossible to understand the unimaginable . Don 't say things like : " Wouldn 't it be time to move on ? " or " At least you have … " I know you might say those kind of things in an attempt to support me . I know you 're well - meaning yet I 've become sensitive and certain sentences are like shards of glass on an already wounded heart . Even if you don 't understand , would you allow your heart to reach out and trust the sensitivity of my broken heart ? ( For examples on what to say instead , click here . ) With time and healing , I will be sad less often or cry less often as at the beginning . This does not mean I 'm ' over it ' . My child lives on in my heart and I will never get over the fact that I 'm never to hold her hand in life . Please do not confuse my healing with ' been there , done that ' . My child might have gone with the wind , yet I 'm still searching the world for signs of its fleeting presence . Every day that I wake up , I am sad . I know I have so much to be thankful for , and trust me , I am VERY thankful . I 'm thankful for Landon , because I don 't know if I would have been able to pull through this without having to care for him . I 'm thankful for Shane because he is my rock , and even though he is incredibly sad as well , he keeps a strong face for me . He is the only one who feels my grief 24 / 7 , and also deals with his own , too . I 'm thankful for this new baby girl growing inside of my body . I 'm so thankful that we were able to even afford IVF with no insurance coverage . I 'm thankful for my doctor who is amazing , and always lets me be neurotic , ask a zillion questions , and roots for us . I 'm trying . Every single day . I wake up , I repeat the cycle of the day , except it 's not how it used to be . I 'm a broken Mom , and Wife now . I 'm a broken Daughter , Sister , and Friend . My heart is broken , and it effects every part of my life . 10Aug2016 blah . Posted in Stillbirth by Randi I feel very blah today . I don 't really know how to describe it other than that . I 'm tired , I 've been randomly nauseous all day , and I have a wicked headache . I know these things are normal , but I can 't help but think about my previous pregnancy . I took a medicine for nausea with K that I didn 't take with Landon - could that have contributed to her death ? I definitely don 't want to take that medicine this time around , but if my nausea gets as bad as it was , how will I function ? I think of how tired I was with Kenley . I remember how amazing Shane was about letting me nap whenever I needed to . Now , I can 't help but think , " Well , you 're going to have all the time in the fucking world to nap while Landon is in Kindergarten , and you are all alone without your daughter " . I know it 's irrational to think like that , I do , but I can 't help but have those thoughts . The same irrational thoughts go along with this current pregnancy , and getting congratulations about it . I don 't want congrats . In my mind I 'm getting these congrats on being pregnant because a series of really fucking shitty events happened in my life that led me here . My daughter who I tried so hard for , died , without warning and stole the light from my soul . I went through ( and am currently / will always be going through ) the worst time of my life . I went through IVF , and paid completely out of pocket ( how much is IVF , you ask ? We 're looking at a cool $ 23 , 000 after this cycle is said and done ) . And countless invasive procedures to get where I am . Yes , I am pregnant . I am so thankful for this pregnancy , and I will love this child ( if I get to keep her ) with all of my heart . It 's just hard . I think that people heard we 're pregnant again and immediately think " ok they 're done grieving " . Nope . Not anywhere near what the truth is . I am not ok with being around your baby . I do not want to see your baby bump or talk about your pregnancy . I am not okay with being around large groups of people yet . The pain of these things , is not gone just because I am pregnant . I don 't know how to explain this to people yet , or how I can make them understand this . I know that some people will never understand it ; they will always think that I should " be ok " by now . I know that people are going to expect one thing from me during this pregnancy and I 'll probably be over here doing the complete opposite , but I hope that they try to understand . If I don 't want to come to the christmas get together this year , I hope you understand . If I don 't want to buy a million gifts , and celebrate this year , I truly hope that you get it . If , on thanksgiving , I would rather be with my family at my house , alone , I hope you understand why I need that . This year of first 's is going to be the hardest , and I need people to just fucking understand it .
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For as long as I can remember I have had trouble falling asleep . In fact , my mother used to tell folks that when I was a baby she would come in to check on me before going to bed and my eyes would be open . She never turned the light on so I was just lying there in the dark , awake in my crib . As I grew older I didn 't much think about it . I would go to bed and go to sleep . Just that easy . But getting married and having responsibilities must have awakened those very early sleep patterns . I just don 't get sleepy at bedtime . In fact I have stayed awake , reading a book until the wee hours and was still not sleepy . I have tried several different types of sleep aids including prescriptions , over the counter pills , and even liquor . For many years I had a small drink of a favorite alcohol , such as rum , on going to bed . That seemed to work best . Lately I discussed this with my doctor who gave me a sleep aid , clonazepam . This is not really a sleeping pill . It is supposed to relax you and make you drowsy . Falling asleep is still up to me . I took this pill for several years and found that it caused excess saliva which created much distress . It was embarrassing in public and at night made my pillows wet . Finally my doctor gave me a sample pill called Roserem . This , too , is not a sleeping pill as such , but a relaxing aid . However I experienced waking up many times all during the night . It can also cause a very upsetting action in which you get out of bed without being fully awake and do an activity that you do not know you are doing . I had this happen . The morning after I took the pill I came into my den to log on to my computer . I glanced to the left of my desk and my extension phone was missing . I searched high and low without finding it and was expecting to have to purchase a new one . Later in the day I took a waste basket outside to empty it and saw my phone on the pavement . I haven 't taken a second Roserem pill since . I am weaning myself away from the clonazepam because I hate the drooling . I purchased an over the counter sleep aid , Unisom , to help me get to sleep . It doesn 't work any better , but with a small drink of rum I go bye - bye . However , you would not believe the dreams ! They cover every imaginable activity I have ever experienced as well as some I 've never encountered . And they go on all night long . I wake up a couple of times during the night but usually can go back to sleep most of the time . One night last week I woke at 2am and was not able to get back to sleep . Finally , at 5am I got up and stayed up the rest of the day . Didn 't even get a nap . Several years ago I made a short trip to Illinois to visit my grandson and his girl friend . My daughter was with me and we spent the 2 nights we were there in the friend 's guest bedroom . I had conferred with my former doctor before the trip and he gave me a prescription for 2 pills of Ambien . I took one as I crawled into bed and within 5 minutes I was out . I had no dreams and no sensation of time having passed when I woke . It was wonderful . When I tried to get a full prescription for the Ambien I was not able to . The company was having some problem with the drug and it wasn 't available . I still haven 't been able to get it . Posted on March 7 , 2014 by MizMlu Good question . I make jewelry because it satisfies my creative urges . I would love to draw pictures , but I have no talent for this . I have produced all sorts of needlework such as sewing , knitting , needlepoint , crocheting , making afghans for each of my offspring , even grandkids and babies as they come along . But I don 't do much of any of those things anymore . Cooking doesn 't appeal to me , nor gardening . I don 't have the energy to tend to a yard and I don 't have nuch of a yard where I now live , but I have pots of greenery on the porch . I have to remember to water them . However , I can excel in making jewelry . I search the various sources for beads that have character , color , design and a different style . I am completely addicted to making necklaces , bracelets and earrings . I haven 't counted but I may have almost 200 jewelry pieces . I recently disposed of the bed in my guest room and turned it into a studio so I can spread out and not have to clear the table when guests come for dinner . When I wander into my " studio " I am immediately struck by the need to work on the current project . I lose myself in it . The fact that I have not sold a piece of jewelry in more than 4 months depresses me , but doesn 't deter me from making something new , or finishing a project started a while ago , or , making a trip to the bead shop . I only wish that the love I have for my designs would translate into an equal monetary appreciation for my work . Casual friends have all commented on the various pieces , but they are not buyers . My Etsy store is at www . etsy . com / shop / mizmlu My husband 's ancestors were not famous , but to me they are a part of my children 's lives , so it 's important to know them . The genes of the elders were passed on to their descendents . The men were sawyers , which meant they sawed the wood for carpenters . None of my children are carpenters , none work with wood , but all three are creative . Many years ago my daughter and I spent 2 months on a trip to Europe . We were in London for about a week . However I was not doing much family history at the time and had no knowledge of the Deptford connection . I did know that my husband 's grandfather was born in London and we visited the house where he lived as a teenager . I had written in advance to the people who currently lived there to ask for permission to see the house . They were very hospitable and we were treated to a tour of the 2 story home . We even discovered a street named " Denyer " and tried to find other Denyers , but the telephone listing was so many pages long it would have been impossible to pin down any relatives . Now I wish I could go back and visit Deptford . I have much more information than I had in 1973 and perhaps could find connections to our family . But my age makes that journey impossible . My daughter who accompanied me on the trip to Europe would like to make the same trip with her daughter at some point in the future . I hope that she will be able to do it . My daughter Circe and I just returned from a wonderful 6 day trip to visit my grandson , Kevin , and his girl friend , Trish . Trish , who is a very successful marketing business owner , paid for our airline tickets and we stayed in her 1893 historic home in Edwardsville , IL . She has beautifully restored it and filled it with treasured antiques . She made a delicious meal for Thanksgiving and gave me 2 recipes that I am going to make for Christmas dinner . ( I will post them in a separate listing . ) Then Trish and Kevin drove us all over St . Louis , about 16 miles from Edwardsville , to see the places of interest that we had missed on previous visits . There is a very high levee on the edge of the Mississippi river to prevent flooding . It 's about a mile long and completely covered with artistic graffiti . These are not your usual gang related scrawlings . They were skillfully and imaginatively created by obviously talented artists . I was mesmerized by the diversity and talent . The picture of Kevin and I was taken in front of one of these designs . The meals we had were delicious . Trish is a terrific cook and we ate well . We also visited Dewey 's in St . Louis for pizza . I normally don 't eat much pizza , but we had 2 varieties and I almost couldn 't quit . They were the best I 've ever tasted and there 's nothing like Dewey 's in my area . We really enjoyed spending time with Trish , her amazing son Patrick , and Kevin . Since we hadn 't seen them for about 2 years there was a lot of conversation . I 'm very grateful to Trish for making our trip possible and her generous hospitality . Love her . Posted on September 5 , 2012 by MizMlu I am extremely disturbed by the airline service currently in force . Service is not the correct terminology . It does not exist . She left Burbank airport at 7 am and arrived in Florida at 6 : 30pm . A flight of 6 hours duration actually took 8 - 1 / 2 hours . The flight stopped in Denver for a layover of 2 - 1 / 2 hours and a change of planes . The same schedule applied on her return flight . Only this one took longer . She was actually in the air 7 hours but in transit for 10 - 1 / 2 hours , also changing planes . Her 2 hour layover on the way home was in San Francisco where her son lives , but she was not able to see him . She was in a secure area and could not leave , nor could he come in . They could not meet . I do not understand the reasoning behind the airline scheduling . However , from a consumer 's standpoint , it is extremely inefficient . In the past I often experienced a stopover where some passengers exited and others boarded after which the plane resumed flight . This I can understand , but to have to wait two hours for another plane is grossly inefficient . Not only that , but there is an extra charge for each landing and takeoff . Passengers must pay for this delay and inconvenience . Not only is the scheduling inconvenient for the paying passengers , but the service is degrading as I write . No longer can you have pillow or a blanket without a charge , but you must wait in your seat until the bathroom facility is not in use . If you are not close to the bathroom someone else will surely beat you to the door . So you must wait . The seats are so close together that your legs are cramped within minutes . Don 't try crossing your legs . And you must pay for the earphones to try to take your mind off of the discomfort you are experiencing . On a long trip doctors advise walking up and down the aisle to help prevent blood clotting . That is not acceptable by the attendants , nor even possible . Have you tried getting out of your seat if you are next to the window ? Good luck with that . Does anyone understand the baggage restrictions anymore ? Each airline seems to have their own conditions which some passengers might not be aware of until checking in . Let the buyer beware seems to be the ordinary . And bring lots of cash with you . On a short trip you can always drive . Hah ! With the current price of gasoline rising daily that is not a valid option . And on a long trip you must deal with stayovers in a motel or hotel . I won 't get into that . What is a traveler to do ? In my case I no longer travel . My back problems do not allow me to stand in line for any length of time so that my carryon and I can be searched and screened . Because I have knee replacements I must endure a patdown which now may be an x - ray . While this is going on my carryon disappears into never - never land but is available for anyone to snatch or remove items from . This is the only part of flying that I actually have no problem with . I don 't like it , but I want everyone searched and screened so that the bad guys are not on any flights . Whatever happened to service ? Does anyone complain about the lack thereof ? No . We must travel for a variety of reasons and the airlines know this . They can do whatever they want because we are captives to their regulations . We are at the mercy of the airlines . They can schedule flights whenever they want and charge whatever they want and take away whatever they want and still we fly . We have to . There 's no other way to get where we want to go . It makes me angry . I can 't see any way we are going to get relief from their greed and inconsideration . While writing this I did not address the fact that in many cases the pilots are not given enough lay over time to rest between flights which puts all of us in jeopardy . We are at the mercy of the airlines . Something should be done . I just don 't know what . Posted on August 28 , 2012 by MizMlu Yesterday my daughter and a friend and I went to the fashion district in downtown Los Angeles to shop for beads . There were 10 bead shops within a 2 block area to visit and we went to almost every one . This was a pleasurable ordeal for me . It was hot , I am not able to walk or stand for long periods of time and each store had so many choices I had to look at everything . I am an old lady and I warned my daughter that I might have problems . I was right . I had purchased a cane with a seat so that I could sit when my back gave out , but as the morning passed it became more and more difficult for me to endure it . I was determined to make it through the visit because I knew I only had one chance to do this and wanted to make it worthwhile . The bottom line is that all 3 of us were pleased with what we found and what we bought . The friend does not do beading , but she found some gorgeous bracelets and some other items . My daughter bought enough materials to make dozens of jewelry pieces and I found the items I was looking for as well as some beautiful unusual beads and a gold chain that is absolutely lovely . I can 't wait to get started on making them into necklaces and earrings . Among us we purchased well over 100 items and together spent over $ 163 . Some items were only $ 1 - 2 so how could we pass them up ? I 'm so happy that my daughter , Circe , has joined me in my jewelry making enterprise because I could not have done that trip alone . Her jewelry is not like mine at all . She uses a lot of natural materials as well as colorful designs and ribbon . So look for our new pieces on my Etsy shop in the future . I will post the date here when I list the new designs Posted on February 7 , 2012 by MizMlu Many , many years ago my home was burglarized . I was home at the time , asleep in my bed . The burglar came in through my unlocked back door , took my purse and a camera , film and nothing else . This happened on the night before I was to leave for a 2 month trip through Europe with my daughter , 9 months after my husband 's death . We were all packed , ready to go and had returned home from a bon voyage party . Fortunately my passport and money was with me in the bedroom . The purse contained just a few dollars , but the camera belonged to my mother - in - law and I was planning to use it on the trip . I called the police , then my mother , who was going to stay in my house while I was gone and then went out to replace the camera and film . The police said it was probably a teenager who went from house to house looking for an unlocked door . I lived in an area that did not have a high crime rate . In fact , that sort of crime never entered my mind . I had lived in an unlocked home for my entire life . The police said they would look for the purse , but it was never found . From that time on my house is always locked . I now have dead bolts on both doors . I don 't feel confined . I just feel safer . These steps will help keep the average , amateur burglar away from your home , but they are not foolproof . You may have expensive items that others are aware of and are desirable . If a professional burglar wants your property there is not much you can do to prevent him getting it , but the advice given here will usually deter the ordinary thief .
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Posted on December 17 , 2011 by mosesmosesmoses 1 The last full day of my trip to Istanbul last month , the Saturday after Thanksgiving , started out like the other days , following the itinerary my fellow traveler had set for us . She was a wonderful tour guide , and since there was so much to see and do and since I am accustomed to taking orders , following her plan without question worked out well for both of us . That day , our first stop was the Ecumenical ( Greek Orthodox ) Patriarchate and Church of St . George . We took a " taksi " from our hotel ( point A on the map below ) and asked the driver to take us to the church by pointing to the address ( point B on the map ) in our guide - book . After the short taksi ride , we stopped in front of a rather austere collection of buildings , paid the driver , and started walking around , looking for our church . After wandering aimlessly for about 15 minutes , and being led astray by far - off glimpses of what was probably the Phanar Greek Orthodox College , we came upon a young man named Tahir who said he knew the place we were going and could easily take us there . After walking with Tahir for about five minutes , we were shocked and amazed ( not really ) to learn that the taksi driver had , in fact , dropped us off right in front of the Church of St . George , we just hadn 't recognized it . Tahir then asked if he might be rewarded for his services with , say , five Turkish lira ( TL ) , but instead we gave him two dollars ( actually one dollar and four quarters ) . At the time , the exchange rate was $ 1 . 86 to one TL , and most places in Istanbul accept dollars , euros and TL . I asked Tahir if he would mind taking a photo with me , and we all parted company on good terms . After spending some time at the Church of St . George ( which was so difficult to recognize from the outside because it is both small and does not have a dome ) , it was time to move on to our next destination , the Church of Theotokos Pammakaristos , otherwise known as the Fethiye Mosque ( point C on the map ) . This was easily ( or so we thought ) within walking distance , so we started heading in a general Pammakaristosian direction , when who should we see but , you guessed it , Tahir ! This time , he had a friend with him named Uruk . The walk was much longer , so we got to know Tahir a bit better . Apparently he 's 12 , in the 6th grade , and hopes to be a math teacher when he grows up . Even though Uruk was older ( 15 ) , taller and much , much bigger , Tahir was obviously the leader of this dynamic duo . As we were walking , Tahir pointed out where his mother worked , and eventually we got to a point beyond which he said his mother would not allow him to walk . He gave us some additional instructions , asked for another modest stipend ( slyly trying to negotiate an additional amount for Uruk at the same time , but we explained as best we could that Uruk was a subcontractor and Tahir would have to pay him out of his own wage ) , and wished us luck . After asking for directions a few more times from friendly - looking strangers ( again , by pointing to the address in the guide - book ) , we finally managed to find our destination . Our original plan had been to take a ferry ride on the Bosphorus , but when we arrived there was a small private boat offering cruises for only 10 TL and we were hoping to make it to the Military Museum before 3 p . m . , so we hopped aboard . Our journey took us up the European side to the first bridge , then down the Asian side and back to our starting point . It was during this trip that we decided to have lunch ( which turned out to be dinner ) in Asia . Oh , what a fateful decision , but more on that later . On the whole four - day trip this is the only picture I managed to get with my ersatz tour guide ( we were always taking pictures of each other ) : After the cruise , we headed to the Turkish Military Museum , once again by taksi . The museum itself is not so highly rated , but the Mehter concert , which occurs daily at 3 p . m . , was highly recommended . I did , however , quite enjoy the display of cannon outside the museum , especially the piece - de - resistance : After the concert , at around 4 p . m . , we jumped in yet another taksi ( for those of you keeping track this is number four ) and said " take us to Asia ! " . Then we pointed to the restaurant in our guide - book that we were interested in . In his best English head nod , our driver whisked us away . 15 minutes later , having not crossed a bridge , he indicated that we had arrived . Clearly something had been lost in translation . He flagged down the first passerby who spoke enough English to help , and determined that we oh - my - gosh wanted to go to oh - my - goodness the other side of the Bosphorus . And away we went . We wended our way through town and eventually got to what promisingly looked like a bridge when this happened : No , our driver was not kidnapped . He didn 't walk away in frustration . He wasn 't even raptured . We came to the toll at the Asian end of the bridge over the Bosphorus and his card didn 't work . The driver behind us wouldn 't accept cash to allow us to use his card , but was willing to back up to let us out of line to pull over . Unfortunately , the machine inside was out - of - order so he couldn 't get a new card , or put more value on his card . Finally he managed to broker a deal with another driver who was willing to take cash in exchange for allowing him to use their card . We had visions of him abandoning his taksi and taking the ferry home , or else calling his wife and telling her he just couldn 't make it back and was starting a new life in Asia . Now that we had made it across the Bosphorus , we thought surely things had turned around for us . Sadly this was not the case . Our driver clearly had no idea where he was going . After stopping to ask for the third time , he finally found someone who spoke enough English that they simply said " he would like you to get out of his car and find a local driver to take you to your destination . " I didn 't get his name , but if you hop in this guy 's cab in Istanbul , do him a favor and don 't ask him to take you to Asia : Our translator , who was working at a hamburger shop , turned out to be Oğuzhan Metinoğlu . Rather than putting us in another taksi , he turned us over to his neighbor at the liquor store , who told us we could easily walk to our destination , the Çiya restaurant ( point F on the map ) . We attempted to follow his directions for about 30 minutes , finally stopping at a hotel to ask directions . They were kind enough to print out a map of the local area , with the restaurant prominently identified . We walked around for another 20 minutes or so , then stopped at another hotel , asking again for directions . Apparently our map wasn 't so good , or else the first hotel had called ahead and told the second hotel to have a little fun with us , because we spent the next two hours or so wandering around looking for the restaurant . We even tried getting in two different taksis , who refused to take us to the restaurant . We were confounded , hungry and about to give up , when we turned a corner and were greeted by a gentleman named Ali who we had apparently asked directions from some time in the past two hours . " Ah , you are here ! So glad you have finally made it ! You are looking for Çiya , yes ? It is only 150 meters or so down that direction . I would invite you to come eat with me , but I know you have been searching so long for Çiya ! " It was surreal . I felt like someone had been filming us for the last four hours ( yes , it had been four hours since we had gotten in the taksi at the Military Museum ) . But we had finally made it , and the food was definitely worth it . At this point you 're probably thinking we couldn 't possibly get lost again . You couldn 't be more wrong . A taksi was definitely not the way to get back to our hotel ( point F to point A on the map ) , so we decided to walk down to the waterfront and take the ferry for the lofty sum of two TL each . Once arriving back on the European side , it seemed like an easy enough task to walk from the ferry landing to our hotel . Nothing could be further from the truth . Although the ferry landing was bustling , even at that time of night , the streets just a few blocks away were completely deserted . It was like being on the back lot of a movie studio . There weren 't even any cars parked along the streets . At one point we thought we knew where we were , but after four turns we ended up back at the same point we had thought we knew where we were the first time . Then , as if by magic , a young couple appeared . They spoke no English . We spoke no Turkish . We showed them on our tourist map where we were trying to go . They gestured that it was too far to walk and they would drive us . Turkish hospitality truly knows no bounds . Like our taksi driver , they weren 't quite sure where they were going , but they pulled over and asked a hotel doorman and we were soon on our way . Levan and Gultan got us home safely , and made a wonderful day of getting lost , and found , in Istanbul even more memorable : Posted on November 27 , 2011 by mosesmosesmoses Reply This past Friday night ( the Friday after Thanksgiving ) , after a busy day of sightseeing in Istanbul , my friend and I decided to have dessert in a rather nice cafe ( most of the eateries in the vicinity of our hotel only had outdoor seating areas while this one was indoors ) . We went inside and took a long time looking over all of the selections they had available . I eventually decided on a delicious - looking pistachio and chocolate cookie and an even more delicious - looking hazelnut and cinnamon cookie . Just after we sat down , a couple came in with the man dressed in a long robe and flat , brimless cap and the woman wearing a burqa that covered her face with the exception of her eyes ( the local women in Istanbul who wear burqas do not cover their faces ) . The cafe was small and they had a stroller with them , so we gave up our seats , moving our jackets and food over a table so they could easily park their stroller next to the end table we had been occupying . We all sat in silence for a few moments , until one or the other of us ( I can 't remember which ) asked if it was the others ' first time in Istanbul . It turns out that the man was a frequent visitor from their home in Libya . I asked if he always brought his family , hoping to engage his wife in conversation as well . It quickly became clear , however , that she did not speak English . His answer , though , told us everything we needed to know about the situation : I mentioned to him that it seemed like his wife was really running the show and he smiled and nodded . He also translated everything we said and she made eye contact and smiled at us as well ( and don 't tell me you can 't tell if someone is smiling or not just by looking at their eyes ) . We finished our desserts , discussing a possible return to normalcy for his home country . He had high hopes that within as little as two years the tourism industry might pick up again . My whole point in conveying this story is that I , personally , do not choose to live in a country where I am compelled to wear a burqa or seek a male relative 's permission to work or travel abroad , but I also refuse to judge someone else for choosing to do so . This woman was obviously happy and in a comfortable relationship with her husband . Many women , yes , even here in the enlightened , liberated , United States of America , aspire to nothing more than " majoring in their Mrs . degree " . The only problem I will ever have with any country is when it does not allow its citizens to leave when they DO take issue with how they are treated ( the key here is to support change from within and / or emigration rather than expecting every country on the planet to behave the same as the US ) . At some point you will be approached by a man who will ask you to follow him to his shop to see his rugs . He may take you down some back alleys before finally arriving at said shop , but as long as you don 't have an uneasy feeling , you should follow him . Make it very clear that you don 't want to buy a rug , but are only interested in learning about rugs ; how they are made , the different kinds , etc . I know this sounds strange , but you should absolutely take the time to do this . It is part of the experience of being in Istanbul . After arriving in Istanbul on Thursday ( Thanksgiving ) morning just before noon and quickly dropping off our luggage at the hotel , we took off on foot in search of adventure . Or at least some local tourist attractions . The first one we happened upon was the Sultan Ahmed Mosque , otherwise known as the Blue Mosque . Unfortunately for us , we happened to arrive just as the call to prayer sounded from the loudspeakers . Just as we were discussing what to do with ourselves for the next ( mumble , mumble , I 'm not sure how long we would have had to wait ) minutes , a gentleman approached and asked if we 'd like to see his shop . I couldn 't believe it was happening already ! He led us away from the mosque and past a row of crowded shops , then down a narrow alley ( oh my gosh , the aforementioned narrow alley ! ) , which promptly opened onto a wide , well - traveled street , on the corner of which was his shop , the 5K Rug Store ( apparently so named for the five brothers who own it ) . We were led upstairs and offered either tea or coffee . I chose apple tea and it was delicious . They proceeded to tell us everything about Turkish rugs , including the fact that they are sewn by hand , sometimes taking up to four years ( depending on the fabric , which can be wool and cotton , silk and cotton , or pure silk ) , and are woven by a young woman to earn money for her dowry . I took a picture with one of my favorites , since I knew none of them would be coming home with me ( even this small one cost $ 900 ) . Istanbul , at least the part we have been walking around , reminds me of many tourist - rich cities I 've been to in that everyone will try to sell you anything . For example , every five feet in Tijuana I recall being asked " Hey lady , can you spare just one Mexican minute ? " by street vendors wanting me to buy their trinkets . The restaurants in Istanbul are so desperate for tourists ' business that one entrepreneurial individual even tried to get my attention by telling me I 'd dropped something . So last night we finally decided on where to eat dinner by choosing one of the least obnoxious places we could find . We sat down ( unfortunately at an end table in an outdoor seating are , so we kept getting approached and asked if we wanted to buy things , the funniest of which was mens ' socks ) and ordered . When the food came , it still being Thanksgiving , we raised our glasses ( I actually had a bottle of water ) and toasted to the holiday . The ladies at the table next to us , a mother and her teenaged daughter who turned out to be Canadians who are currently living in Dubai , overheard us and engaged us in conversation . We ended up talking for over an hour , during which time the establishment began to empty out . Our waiter approached us ( all four of us ) not once but twice and offered us free rounds of hot tea , normally 3 Turkish Lira per serving ( so a total of 24 TL , or approximately $ 13 ) during that time . The only explanation we could come up with collectively is that we were nearly his last customers and as long as he kept us there , drinking tea and talking , we served as a draw for other tourists to come in and sit down . Or maybe we 're just that hot . Or both . Another friend recommended I wouldn 't have the complete Turkish experience if I didn 't do the whole Turkish bath thing , but warned me NOT to go to the hotel spa but rather to go native . I completely ignored this advice based on the fact that my travelling companion had attempted to do so in Morocco and had a terrifying experience . So we headed down to the spa in our bathing suits and were told to first go to the sauna and the steam room . While sitting in the sauna , a man kept gesticulating to me . Not realizing that a MAN was going to be doing the whole bath thing , I thought he was another customer and kept trying to tell him to come on in using my best Turkish sign language . Then I headed over to the steam room , where the same thing happened with a different man . I finally figured out that I was being summoned to the bath , which , to be perfectly fair , is NOT a bath . It is the human equivalent of being cleaned and tenderized prior to being cooked . I 'm not saying it was bad , I mean my skin is very pink and shiny and I feel very relaxed , but that beast scrubbed and beat the crap out of me , and put his hands places I didn 't realize he 'd be allowed to . But , in the end , they gave me tea , so all was right with the world . Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this :
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Categories > Books > Harry Potter > Kill the Magical WorldChapter 11 by wimvincken 3 reviewsHarry is emancipated at 16 , and now he wants revenge . This is a grey ! Harry and grey ! GinnyCategory : Harry Potter - Rating : PG - 13 - Genres : Action / Adventure , Romance - Characters : Dumbledore , Ginny , Harry , Kingsley , Molly Weasley , Moody , Petunia Dursley , Ron , Snape , Tonks , Vernon Dursley , Voldemort - Warnings : [ X ] - Published : 2006 - 12 - 15 - Updated : 2006 - 12 - 16 - 3534 words5Insightful ❮ Story Index1 . Chapter 12 . Chapter 23 . Chapter 34 . Chapter 45 . Chapter 56 . Chapter 67 . Chapter 78 . Chapter 89 . Chapter 910 . Chapter 1011 . Chapter 1112 . Chapter 1213 . Chapter 13 ❯ A / N : This chapter : Here we have part III of the downfall of Narcissa and Draco Malfoy . In addition , we have the reaction of Dumbledore on the threat of Mad - Eye Moody and more Ginny and Harry ; their relationship will change . A / N : Beta reader for this chapter is damantaray Narcissa Malfoy was sitting on her chair in the foyer . She was still smirking about the news she had hear about that Potter boy , who had run away with that Weasley girl . He showed some courage to run from that controlling and abusive Dumbledore , and she could not help but feel that she somewhat admired the boy . He seemed to be able to stay away from Dumbledore and his Order . As well , he managed to fight them off as well . He did all that only with the girl on his side and with some guards . She admired that in a man ; one who is able to do a job , get it done , and stay with it . That was also the reason why she loved to be with a man like Lucius . He was powerful , strong , cunning , and very intelligent . The only thing she could not understand what his issues with the Dark Lord . That monster forced him to be treated like a house elf , where Lucius was kneeling in front of the Dark Lord in public ! Thanks to that Dark Lord , he was in Azkaban . No . . . not because of the Dark Lord , but because of that same boy , who was successfully eluding his headmaster and the Order of Phoenix . She would never have thought that a boy like that Potter brat was able to defeat her husband . She thought about her son Draco , who hated that Potter brat . At first , she thought that it had to do with a simple school feud , but later she changed her mind . Mostly it had to do with Lucius him self , because Lucius was setting Draco up against the boy . But she started to suspect that Draco tried several things with that Potter brat and was defeated and humiliated by him every time he tried . That would indeed be enough reason for a Malfoy to hate the Potter boy . She remembered her time in Hogwarts and she thought about that handsome man James Potter . He was indeed a looker , but he chose that mudblood . She was already promised to Lucius by her mother , Druella Black . She had no other choice , and in that time , it was something she was dreaming about . She thought that her mother made an excellent choice . Love was something for the fools and the weak of mind , but her marriage was based on power , money , and possibilities . She knew better now . The marriage with a man like Lucius proved to be . . . different . She thought that she would have a good life with her husband , but that was also different . Lucius came to her bed when they were married , and that was the last time . She became immediately pregnant with Draco . That was all what was required of her . Now that Lucius had what he wanted . . . an heir . Now he could do other things what he liked . . . like little boys and girls . Then she thought she could use the money to do some exciting things , but she was wrong with that too . No money what the Malfoy family possessed was available for her . She received pocket money and she could use that . When she asked Lucius for more , he was laughing . When she insisted , he beat her . When Lucius went to Azkaban , she thought that she would have access to the family vaults , but no . Her sister Bellatrix had the access to the vaults now . She knew that the Dark Lord was behind this , because Bellatrix was busy emptying the vaults for her lord and protector . The door of the foyer opened and her son entered the stately room . " Mother , " he said quasi - officially . He sat down and looked at her . " I received an owl from aunt Bellatrix , and she told me to be ready to receive my mark . She wrote that the Dark Lord had use for me , because of my father 's failure . " Is that true ? Did he fail ? " Narcissa looked to her son . . . he was changed over all the years he went to Hogwarts . That little spoiled boy from some years back was still there , but mostly replaced with the feeling of false pride , like his father . " Yes , Draco . . . he failed , because he lost against a boy of nearly sixteen years old . He also failed to return and was so stupid to be arrested and been thrown in Azkaban . Draco was grinning now . " Let us just say that I liked her , but that Hannah Abbott was laughing in my face and her father tried to throw me out of their house . I killed the father and raped Hannah . She will not marry a full blood anymore . . . she is a marked woman . " Narcissa sighed . " Listen Draco , you will follow your father in his footsteps indeed . . . but in the direction of the jail or worse . And do you know what Azkaban does to a wizard ? It will break him . " Draco was shaking his head in denial . " Nobody will break a Malfoy ! " he said pompously . Narcissa snorted . " Your father was a broken man when he met the Dark Lord . If you don 't look out , you will be broken before you even see him . " At that moment , an official looking owl arrived . Narcissa took the parchment from the owl . A notice from the ministry ? Oh , maybe it is news about Lucius . Draco , who was looking at his mother with distain , became curious . What news would pale his mother ? He never had seen his mother looking so pale like this . " What 's wrong , mother ? " His mother looked up at him and sighted . She had tears in her eyes , and she handed the parchment to Draco . " Read it , because this is the end of everything . " Draco took the parchment and started to read . When he was half through the parchment , he dropped it . " What does that mean ? I mean . . . that is not possible ! " He felt sick . He needed to sit . He took the chair and sat down . " What does that mean , mother . I do not understand . Did father do this to us ? " His mother shook slowly her head . " No , Draco . We are no Malfoy 's anymore . The new Lord Black , head of my family house had nullified my marriage with your father . " Then she looked at Draco . " But you are not a Malfoy anymore . Any child in a marriage , which is declared illegal , is a bastard . I am so sorry for you , " she said . However , honestly . . . she could feel a sense of relief . She looked at the boy , who was her son . She knew that he was socially a nothing ; he was a boy without name , without family . Then she thought about the rape and the killing of the father of the girl . " I think , my dear Draco , that you did this to us , " she said with an icy voice . " Who is this head of the family Black ? " Draco cried . " If you would read the parchment until the end , you will see his name at the bottom of the parchment . He is the one who signed this letter , " she smirked . " I kill him ; I 'll rape him before I slowly burn him into crispy parts . He will suffer as nobody ever has suffered . He will know what he did to the Malfoy family ! " " No Draco , you will not . Not even Dumbledore or the Dark lord can touch him . And the Malfoy family ? That family does not exist anymore , Draco . You are not a Malfoy . . . but a bastard ; you are a person with no family name . Because you 're still a minor , the ministry will come to get you and take you away . " She looked around her and saw the beautiful foyer she was sitting in . That is now all the past , because it is not hers anymore . Not that it was ever hers , but the idea was nice . She would leave the minor as fast as possible , and go to Gringotts , because she still had her vault she got from her parents when she married Lucius . With that money she could live for a while , if she was careful . Then she would try to reach the new Lord Black and ask . . . no . . . demand that he take care for her . Draco continued to rant . Narcissa stood up , collected her personal things , and prepared to leave . She knew that she could take anything from the Malfoy family , because of the ancient laws concerning property and family . She walked through the corridors from Malfoy manor and left . She did not look back to her son . . . she was not interested . He was a loser . Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore was tremendously angry . That Potter boy did it . He was like a nail in his coffin . Alastor Moody made him a choice between letting the boy alone or trying to catch him and lock him up for his own protection . Harry Potter was mere fifteen years old . . . he was only a boy . If the situation were that Harry was only that , then he would have been reluctant to hunt him down . But the boy was not exactly only a mere boy . He was the subject of the prophecy , and the prophecy was the primal thing , which needs to be protected and be guided towards its end . If he left Harry Potter alone , then it was possible that Voldemort could grab him , and that would be the end of the world , of existence , of the magical - and muggle world . Because then Voldemort would come to power , and everything would be lost . Here was his problem . Harry Potter wasn 't going to let himself be captured . He managed to collect some muggle soldiers around him , who seem to protect him and that girl Ginerva Weasley . That was an additional nail in his coffin . That Merlin blasted girl had a temper , which would blow her mother straight away . As he had experienced not so long ago , that girl could be very dangerous . He smirked . She could give Potter also a hell of a time . Now the question was how could he capture Harry Potter ? Slowly the world came into focus . Harry Potter had woken up . . . and he laid in bed with a girl half on top of him . . . her long and lustrous hair was spread all over , and he loved it . He smelled the smell of roses . Her breathing was deep and even . . . no dreams ! He remembered last night ; those were kisses he never dreamed about . He realized that they went one - step further in their relationship of being friends with each other . What were they now ? Were they still just friends ? Were they more than just friends ? Could it be that they were boyfriend and girlfriend ? And he did not dream ! He couldn 't remember a dream he had this night . That meant that Ginny did not have a nightmare . Was that because of their kissing ? He remembered that Ginny told that she had a nightmare every night . But not tonight , he smiled . Harry was sudden aware that the breathing of Ginny had changed . " Are you awake ? " he asked softly . Again , silence and he kept looking in those eyes . " No nightmare last night . That was the first time since I was eleven years old and after Tom that I had no nightmare at night . She laughed . " I mean only that you suggested to sleep together to scare away my nightmares . And I thought that you wanted me in your bed to have your wicked ways . " Harry let her hold him , rocking him quietly . He took comfort from her warmth , and wrapped his arms tightly around her . It was some time before Harry suddenly became very aware of her softness against him , in a very nice way . " I don 't mean that . . . " he tried to pull back from her , very aware what he was so excited . He flushed with embarrassment . Softly , she reached up and kissed him . Harry hesitated for a moment , then groaned and kissed her back . His left hand , seemingly with a mind of its own , came up , shifted her t - shirt , traveled over her naked and soft skin , and curled around , gently cupping a soft breast . It was Ginny 's turn to groan , and she pressed herself hard against him , stilling the moment that she felt his body against her , along with the very apparent proof of his own desire . She could feel him pressed into her stomach . He was deliciously hot and hard against her . Ginny wanted to touch him , taste him . Her eyes travel down his chest to the belly with dark hair leading down to . . . Holy . . . his damn boxers . . . and pulled them down his legs . " Please , Harry . I want to taste you . " She ran her fingers lightly over his thighs , reveling in the shudders and goosebumps she was eliciting on him . She pulled his boxers down and she found herself staring at his penis standing up in front of her . She wanted to take all of him in her mouth . She heard a gasp from him as she ran her tongue over the moist tip , tasting the little droplet there . Merlin , he tastes good . That one little taste put her into frenzy . She wanted to devour him , make him scream her name . She wanted to taste him fully . She took as much as she can in her mouth and he moaned loudly . She could feel his fingers wrapping themselves in her hair . She smiled ; she knew she gave him pleasure . Harry was calling her name as she brought him closer to the edge . Her mouth and hands worked up and down his erection smoothly . She gently cupped his balls and massaged lightly and his body jerked from the sensation , which almost made her lose the contact her mouth had with him . She gently trailed a finger over his perineum and he tensed , calling her name again . Two more long strokes and she was busy to swallow his seed . Before she could pull away , Harry was pulling her closer to him and kissed her fiercely . This is so fantastic . Harry was sitting on the breakfast table with the most beautiful woman in the world . He would never have dreamt that he would have this experience with a woman , because he did not expect to live longer then maybe a couple of weeks . Now everything had changed , and this wonderful woman was in his life . He had a secret crush on her for already many months , and nobody , hardly even himself , knew about it . He suppressed or tried to suppress any feelings of romance since he was aware he had such feelings . After the wet debacle with Cho , he became aware that such feelings would lead to pain . After the talk he had with Dumbledore about the Prophecy , he decided that romance was one of the least problems he had at that time . He supposed to survive his ordeals with Voldemort , or die trying . He never alluded to himself that he was able to fight successfully against Voldemort , because he was not trained , not experienced and not powerful enough . There was the threat to be killed by Voldemort and his Death Eaters . That threat was very real . When he stepped out of this house , he was at risk . The first option is already bad , but at least he would have a more fighting chance to win or to fly . The second option is simply bad . . . he would first suffer , and then die . It was very simple . Now there was the other aspect , and that was Ginny . With the second option , Dumbledore would bring her back too the Burrow and they would lock her up . She probably would be able to escape , and she would be in mortal danger , with everything out of control and not protected . With the first option , she said that she would stand next to him when the time would come against Voldemort . Harry knew he would die when something would happen with Ginny , and he did knew for a fact , that Voldemort would try to strike at her as first . Then the last thing what was so important were the soldiers they had hired . If they played their cards well , then they might damage or even destroy Voldemort with the help of them . They were fighting machines that could kill without any problems . Harry also thought about the other option . They could escape England , and live as muggles somewhere on earth , where ever it could be . He would live with Ginny , he could marry her , have kids , have a life . In exchange for a muggle life , it would mean the end of the magical world and millions of muggles would die . The war would probably come to them as well , and then his children would be endangered as well . That meant more to protect , more to lose . He felt that was not an option . Also the first option was not workable , because he would be in the hand of Dumbledore , and that would mean dying as well . He looked at Ginny , while she was still eating . She had a piece of bacon in both her hands and was slowly eating it , and looking at him . " Are you finished with thinking , Harry ? " Ginny asked . He smiled warmly . " When you came to me , I had very secretive dreams and fantasies about living with you . When we slept with each other in one bed , I had even more fantasies and daydreams . " I have very strong feelings for you , Gin . What happened this morning was heavenly . I never could have dreamt what I had experienced then . I decided to come clean with you . I think that I am in love with you , Ginny . " I 'm not afraid to tell you this ; it is something that you must know . " When the summer vacation started , I did not want to get involved with anyone , because of the short - term life expectancy I might have . And to be with me , or close to me means that you are in danger , and I had no way to protect anyone close to me . " I was already thinking to leave the magical world and to hide my self somewhere . Anyhow , the rune magic changed all that . I suddenly felt that I would be able to learn how to protect anyone close to me . Then an angel came to me with red hair , and she asked to be protected . " " Harry , I loved you since I was eleven years old . Maybe it was a crush , or not , but for sure I loved you . Now I am fifteen years old , and my heart is given to the man I love , and that is you . " She grabbed his hand and squeezed it . Harry grabbed her hand tightly , brought it to his lips , and kissed them . " Can we be boyfriend and girlfriend ? " asked Ginny . A / N : Beta reader for this chapter is damantaray ❮ Story Index1 . Chapter 12 . Chapter 23 . Chapter 34 . Chapter 45 . Chapter 56 . Chapter 67 . Chapter 78 . Chapter 89 . Chapter 910 . Chapter 1011 . Chapter 1112 . Chapter 1213 . Chapter 13 ❯ Sign up to rate and review this story
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Blog ( unedited ) I have a friend who thinks that blogs are just public diaries . Every time she says that ( in a way that I know is a not too veiled question of what I do here ) I want to stomp my feet in protest . There is a lot of mighty fine writing that happens in our bloglandia - a lot of powerful stuff in raw and polished form . But , to some extent she speaks truth . There is a lot that gets posted here and on other blogs that feels very much the stuff of journals . There is a certain recording of our lives that happens here , a marking it down , lest it be forgotten . A turning it into words so that we can better make some meaning out of it . A cleansing because sometimes writing about something just makes it feel so much better and why not here ? I suppose someone could say that all writing is in some way , a public diary . It all starts with using words to illuminate a piece of our souls - whether we call it fiction or memoir whether we claim " it really happened " or we just imagine it did . Telling a story , playing with truth , juggling words - if we are honest it all starts in a vulnerable place and with an idea or thought or feeling or neurosis that is all our own . I can see the truth in what she says and hold in my head that she is absolutely right and also hold in that same space the truth that there is some mighty fine writing going on on my favorite blogs . But truth be told , I know that I get so defensive when I hear blogs ( and especially my blog ! Oh my ! ) described that way , because I want to think I am above keeping a diary for the world . I want my writing to be more than the verbal vomit that I always associated with my writing at the time I kept volume after volume of my deepest secrets scrawled in angry , melodramatic rambling prose in black and white bound notebooks . I want my writing to mean something . I want my writing to have made order out of chaos . I want my writing to point to something true . I want my writing to be - well - beautiful . I love my blog because this is a place to practice - a verbal sketch book . I write about my life because its here , in front of me . I write about my life because its really the only thing I know to be true . I write about my life , for the same reasons I read voraciously because stories help me rise above the weeds and muck and blurry close up view of my life to a height where I can see the pattern , sense a meaning . It may read like a diary but it is so much more . It is a place to play with words based writing about the stuff that I know best . Its just that . When I first had my blog I played a lot more . Made lists . Rambled . Posted pictures . But it has changed as I got more serious and as my writing matured and as I discovered that every now and then someone reads this thing . I think a lot about what I write here because you ( yes you ! ) come here and I want so much to delight you and I don 't want to waste your time . In this way my blog has become a metaphor for something I am struggling with - ( hello diary ! ) living unedited . I have noticed in recent weeks how I can still slip into the bad habit of dialing myself back to be nice , polite , or to fit into what is expected . Worse yet , I find myself holding myself back until the " final draft " . Living in the messy space of being unpracticed has been a , well , practice for me and yet , the deeper I dig in , the more I see where I am holding myself ( and my me - ness ) back . And my writing and my creativity is just one of those spaces . Truth is , I don 't write to be good . I don 't write to be considered talented or brilliant or even somewhat interesting . I don 't write for any other reason other than that words matter and stories matter and telling them is good for my heart . They don 't have to be neat or perfect or even stories , do they ? I worry a bit , about what would happen if every day I showed up here and just wrote . Wrote without a point or without a neat ending or even without prose . What would happen if I wrote simply for the joy of playing with words and saw what happened when I arranged them this way . You might stop coming here . You might even call this space a " public diary " Thinking about it makes me sad . But I am willing to take the risk because write now I am practicing living in a deeper , more authentic way and this seems like a good space to do that in . July is going to be a little experiment . What would happen if I just got here and wrote without a finished piece in mind . It might all be crap . Maybe you should set your alarm clocks for August . We will see . Posted by Meg on June 30th , 2010 I wept out of joy , out of horror , out of the beauty that comes from brokenness , out of what happens when we attempt something crazy and magical - just because . What happens when we take risks . It comes out in October . Go see it . It just might change your life . Posted by Meg on June 26th , 2010 Filed in Lessons from the Universe 1 Comment » A sacred space The day we landed in Mexico for the first time , we sat in the formal living room in the Mexico City house , cooled by one solitary fan and drank cold coca colas on sticky vinyl covered couches . My legs , made bare by my pretty little sundress stuck to the plastic and I looked longingly at the plush velvet beneath the clear barrier . " Protection " , Juan leaned over and whispered to me , reading my mind . " When something is this precious , we can 't afford to leave it unprotected . " From my perch on my plastic velvet throne something magical caught my eye . In a living room that was rather sparse , a simple table , a lamp nothing more , the corner exploded in decoration . A waist high table was filled with fresh flowers , plastic flowers , candles burning despite the sun which bleached out the room , red beaded lamps , pictures of saints in gilded frames , ancient toys , figurines carved out of wood and stone . I got up and wandered over , mesmorized . Juan followed me and touched me on the shoulder . " It 's my tia 's altar " , he said . I had never seen anything so gaudy and so beautiful . Before we left to travel to Oaxaca , Juan 's tia called us over to the altar for our blessing . She pulled out a fresh candle and lit it with ceremony , laid her tiny hands on our heads towering above her . She said prayers for a safe journey and with the saint 's protection firmly in place , she finally let us go out of her watchful sight . When something is this precious , we can 't afford to leave it unprotected . I was swept up in the mystery of this magical country , I would soon call my second home . I loved , and became a student of the altars I saw built everywhere - in businesses , by roadside stands , in formal rooms and in the corner of shacks . A place for the Virgin to watch over and bless all who labored , loved and lingered there . Yet , the altars struck me as charmlng , antiquated , habits of old ladies with time on their hands , connections to a superstitious fate - based culture , a culture where angels and demons made choices instead of people and gods were arbitrary and mean in how they doled out joy and pain . When I saw little altars constructed by friends of mine back home , I thought of them as glorious art pieces . A showcase of spirituality . I thought they were things constructed like window dressing to declare one 's love of God . I didn 't judge them , I was enthralled , in love , caught up in them . But I saw them as " extras " as " statements " as artful expression . Night after sleepless night , I found myself whispering prayers in the dark to my tia 's Virgencita , the only woman who I thought might be able to hold my pain . Anxious hands , flitted about while my words poured forth , as though the very emotions , heart breaking needed to make themselves real and physical . One night I woke up and I stumbled into the living room . I suddenly remembered my sister in law , constructing her " Day of the Dead " altar for her young daughter , creating a space to grieve and honor her short life , to give thanks to her children who lived . Old toys and pieces of birthday cake and candy - a celebration of her life , an acknowledgment of her death , a pleading for the safety of her remaining three children . And suddenly I understood what drove her to create her altar each year - what mad forces drove her forward through tears and turmoil as she laid the table cloth and arranged each item . I found the handthrown clay Virgen de Assumption I had purchased from a local potter in Oaxaca , moved her off her spot in the background of a shelf on a waist high table . I scrambled for a tea light . With a flashlight I went outside and cut wilting flowers from my garden , shoving them into a jelly glass . I found a picture of Juan and I happy and smiling and full of love and hope and bursting with joy at each other 's presence . With tears streaming down my face , I wrote a letter to sweet gods and goddess whoever would listen , imploring them to save my marriage , or at very least to protect my child , my heart , my sense that I would be OK . I thought about all of us flayed and bleeding . My heart whispered to me : When something is this precious , we can 't afford to leave it unprotected . And then I fell into a deep sleep . When I woke , I arose with a new peace . I had found a place to park my grief , to concentrate my dream , to make sacred my worst fears and deepest desires . And suddenly , I had found the strength to go on and to bear life as it unfolded , however it unfolded . In the last six years , I have constructed cMonday morning , bright and early , I walked to my friend 's house . His parents just back from the airport were upbeat but strains of anxiety showed around their eyes . " This may be corny , " I said " but I brought a candle . To protect your boy . Its a space to hold the fear I know you have . I have one burning in my house for him too . " Furiously we searched for matches and lit it , said a little prayer and then went on with our day . Parking our grief and our worry so we could move on , but knowing full well that our hearts ' love had been concentrated and sent out like a magical golden net to protect him while he walked his new tightwire . When something is this precious we can 't afford to leave it unprotected . For my dear friends E and K who reminded me this week why I build my altars . Update : As I finished this sentence my friend just appeared with her phone in hand so I could read the email her son had sent , describing a land that had already captured his heart . I am in tears with joy . If you keep an altar would you light a little candle on yours for a boy , so brave , so wise and so connected to his heart that he left his comfortable life here at 16 to answer the call to love ? May he be held up and protected and carried through the countryside by hundreds of prayerful hearts . Posted by Meg on June 25th , 2010 Filed in A Healer 's Journey , Holding the Space , Lessons from the Universe , Travelin ' On 2 Comments » Arrival I have taken the week off of work with week . Our babysitter is away visiting her family . This is not when we normally take our vacation - we hold out for cousins week each August . So instead , of using the week to escape my life , I am using it to delve more deeply into it . To do all the things I wished I could do if I wasn 't so occupied by my paid work . I have been anticipating it juicily . I feel I put off so much of my life while i am living it . I had a bit of a panic as the week approached - as Friday signaled that " the week " had finally arrived . As I did the math , I had no idea how I would get it all done . Like a general , I pulled out spreadsheet and organized my time into neat little blocks . But still it didn 't calm me . I was so afraid that the time would slip by and I would have missed it , missed my chance , missed my moment . Missed my juicy life . Missed my opportunities to delve deeply into all that I had put off until " just the right time " . Does this sound familiar ? So I made my schedule ( because as we all know routine is soothing and good for children and adults alike ) , and then reminded myself that as long as I lived deeply in every moment I would have lost or missed nothing . I am having to do a lot of reminding of myself . This week I am learning that no matter how wise I pretend to be , I can 't shake that habit of imagining a time in the ( hopefully ) not to distant future , when I will finally get it right , when a bell will ring , when the curtains will part and I will arrive at my perfect life . ( I had somehow convinced myself that that time MIGHT just be at the conclusion of my week off ) . Once upon a time I could have rattled off to you exactly what it would look like when I finally made it - about the job and the kids and the state of the house . Truth is , over the last 5 years that vision has gotten pretty muddied , but still , I can 't quite shake the feeling that some magical moment is right around the corner and when I turn it , my happily ever after will start . I am ( she says withe relief ) no longer attached to one vision of how it might look , but still , there is still that striving , that sense that I am on my way somewhere and it will be my reward for the pain and the struggle and the heartache and all the soul work . I have a mentor and soul sister named Kaiya . Whenever I mutter that " I am getting there " as I talk about my life she sits up very tall and looks at me very sternly . " There is no THERE baby girl . " she tells me . " There is no magical moment . The reward for doing your soul work is more soul work . The reward for eating healthily is craving more good food . The reward for learning to unconditionally love , messy and complicated people is another glorious day relating and learning from the same messy and complicated people . There is no " aha " moment when it will all make sense . So stop waiting for that moment and jump in . Thats it . Be here in this moment . In a comfortable room with a pleasant view . Sitting with someone you love . Talking about stuff that matters . Talking about stuff that is silly . This is it . This is your life . Its a good life . Enjoy it . " OK . Thats great . I can sit and enjoy my life in slow motion . I have mastered the art of " letting it all hang out " . I have eased into being - just in a space and time , which is great . Except for when things need to be done . Except for when there are steps to take that may be hard or complicated and demand a lot of energy . Its so hard for me to be action oriented but in the present . Isn 't that nutty ? I am good at simply sitting in the moment , but I am so unpracticed at the idea of moving forward and taking action without any story about that action carrying me somewhere - without the belief that that action will help me somehow arrive . I find that I am either all blissed out in the now on my cushion or sitting in the sunshine or sitting with a good friend and tea or tequila or wrapped up in my down comforters with a great book . But doing things I need to do , that are scary and hard work - stuff like doing art , or writing something longer than a blog post , or taking steps to get to school - doing them for the sake of them , without a sense that they are worthy because they signal some implicit arrival . Doing them simply because they need to be done . That is so difficult . This week , I painted my kitchen . Once upon a time I never would have gotten started with a painting project like this because it would have been wrapped up in a vision of a perfect house . I would have done the calculus and seen that week or even a few hours is not enough time to arrive at what I wanted and so I would have given up before even starting , paralyzed by what it would take to arrive . I decided I would just practice painting for the sake of it - with no attachment to a beautiful kitchen , or even a neat kitchen . I found it soothing and soulful and restful . I find that I am making progress step by baby step . I am painting my kitchen because it wants to be green . Not because I have any story about a clean kitchen or a beautiful kitchen or even about a kitchen that will be orderly or calm or in which I will live a more beautiful cleaned up version of my current life . Its a balance that is complicated to find . Just like all the unpracticed people before me , I am failing more than I am succeeding but I am using this week , with its scheduled blocks of time and its chores and its wide open spaces to practice the art of realizing that I have indeed already arrived . With every breath I arrive over and over again . Posted by Meg on June 24th , 2010 Filed in A Healer 's Journey , Holding the Space 3 Comments » Meditation on Max the summer he is 8 From my perch on the sidelines , I am amazed how everyday you are different . The little boy who once was afraid of the deep end is now leaping in a rainbow arch playing sharks and minnows with the middle schoolers . The bow backed stand , arms crossed , goggles atop your head . I am a perpetual witness to this miracle , your life so full and so not defined by me . Your freckles are mine , your fine Irish skin , but your life amazes me , shocks me , is so different from mine . And I know that with each day that passes , your life will be more and more a mystery . The code you speak , the language of boys , your posture , your stance . The way you move through the water , across the ice , on a field - such a mystery to me who trips over her own shadow and runs from a ball . Once upon a time , I knew every boo - boo , every scrape , every hurt feeling and could understand the storms of your moods . Once upon a time you came to me for answers and accepted what I said , but now you are certain I have no idea how things are - and to some extent you are right . I know nothing of sports and boys who play them . I can 't tell you how to shoot a puck better or how to slice a second of your backstroke . I am flummoxed about what to say to the team ball - hog , to the playground bully you stand up to . And yet there are still , those holiest of moments , often in the evenings , or during a thunderstorm , when your wrap your arms around me , and ask me if I can keep a secret , and the sweet sorrow in your tender heart comes pouring out and I know you are still my baby boy , and that I am still the one who knows the landscape of your heart . While the details are fuzzy , I know the contours , the hills and valleys and know where the land is scarred and where it is more forgiving . And in those moments you and I remember that what I know is about being broken and being human , and falling apart and trying again and being human and loving and kind . And that really it is al that matters . I pray each day that you will continue to trust my broken mama self and know that this is a safe space to just be . I trust I will always be a keeper of your heart or the safe place where you come to be . But for for now your being is in the water , at the pools edge , or in the snack shack and begging me not to take photos . For now your being is wrapped in a green towel looking for a ping pong partner , carrying a tupperware container of coins you saved up to buy junk food , loaning a dime to the big kids , wondering if it will buy you something more . For now your being is wrapped up in the learning that you can no longer learn from me , except when in broken failure ( or something that feels like that ) you sneak into my lap when no one is looking and whisper my name and time , the time that is flying by , stops still for you and me . Filed in The Zen of Being Mama 1 Comment » Snapshots from one life moving I am in the passenger seat , driving from Gary Indiana back to Chicago . A song I love is on a short loop over and over . It greeted me in the morning too - when I sprung out of Midway and into the car , when I threw my arms around my sweet friend . The air is hot and heavy but the sky is so so blue . There is so much to do but nothing to do about it so we ride along and listen to the music and talk about arranged marriages and a life that seems so far away and lunch plans and where to stop and how can you possibly measure happiness . I have just given a presentation in a broken down convention center - where everything was locked and empty and falling apart . While we wandered around trying to find space for ourselves we followed signs to the " arena " to see what what once must have been the hottest place to place but now looks more like a mummy , a relic , bones of a life that was once so much more full but is now just an echo , strains of a song playing in the background of a memory . I am in a taxi , nauseous from exhaustion having woken up at 4 : 30 am to make this trip in one day . Sick from my efforts to hurtle through the skies twice . I am heading home to my boy , to my house to my garden and as though an angel touches me on the shoulder I fall deep deep into a silent sleep . Then suddenly it sounds as if a bomb goes off and the blue sky is grey and swirling and the wind is pushing the taxi but the driver holds it steady and I am amazed at how suddenly everything changes . The storm has held up all the flights . I wander up and down and explore Midway , an airport that is different from the last time I was here . I never fly here - always choose O ' Hare but this time the proximity to Gary made me a pioneer and kicked me from routine . Everything is new , not familiar . Everything is shiny and different and exciting and the three hours delay practically disappears . So so tired . Unable to find a comfortable position . Air blowing directly on me . Three hours on the tarmac but everyone has been so kind . But sleep . Sleep is not kind . There is no telling when the airport will open , if we will make it home . There is nothing to do but close eyes and be tired and sing songs in my head to Max and hope they will put him to sleep . Filed in Everyday Magic Comments Off on Snapshots from one life moving Sun Salutation Day of brightest light , of biggest wishes , of round mango suns . Day of promises coming true . This day , this sticky heat , this sweet sweet sunshine pouring in . Welcome . I lift my arms to the sky , try to wrap them around you , you golden orb rising . I will make my altars anew this day , so full of life . I will whisper shout my prayers to the heavens . I will light fires and eat tomatoes from the garden , let their juice spill down my chin . I will face south and sing alleluia . So much light , so much love , so much joy . Filed in Everyday Magic , Holding the Space Comments Off on Sun Salutation The truth about truth About a year ago , I spontaneously decided to go through my blog and find posts inspired by people in my real life and send them to them as a package . It was a strange exercise for me . People in my community of friends know me to play many roles . I am a mother , a neighbor , an activist , a researcher , a mentor , a boss , a student . I am that nice person up the street who hugs and kisses a lot . But very few people think of me as a writer . Writing here is such a tender process and sharing that writing with the people I love exposes me and often leaves me feeling vulnerable . Its scary enough to share my creativity . But this blog has become a place where I often lay my beating heart out on the table and speak truths that sometimes surprise even me . So sending those packaged up bundles to those i love was terrifying . I was asking to be seen , warts and all and I had no idea what the response would be . I decided to send them anyway , with no attachment to the response . I decided to risk being loved as I am . Or at very least to be seen . I know for a fact that I have loved ones who don 't get my writing . Perhaps they are embarrassed or shocked by my willingness to open my heart so shamelessly to strangers . Perhaps they think it is " attention getting " behavior and not art to tell stories like mine . I once had a debate with a woman I respect very much ( and who didn 't know I write ) about the memoir genre . She hates them . She thinks that memoirs are fiction wrapped up and pretending to be truth and they they are inevitably preachy and self - absorbed and to quote her " artless " . She said the minute we claim to tell the truth we are lying and that if an author really wanted to say something they could be creative enough to tell a story to illustrate the point . I sighed , holding her truth in the light and wondered what I could learn from it . Its true , sometimes fiction can tell truth so much more powerfully but I also wondered about the possibility that maybe to her memoir can be scary . When I speak my truth , not as fiction that could be true but as truth it can be really scary . Especially when it isn 't your truth . It calls us all out as liars . When I write these truths I immediately run a risk that a rift will open up , a chasm , a valley . I run the risk of being called out as a liar , of my truth being sacrificed on your altar , or smashed to bits when held up to the light of what you might know about me . I run the risk of breaking carefully crafted expectations you may have developed about me or worse yet , run the risk of the snickering comments , " Well , that 's not really how she is " . The reality is that when we write about our lives there is no way to do it without exposure and without blowing up that myth we call truth . I am a both a holy wise woman and a broken down mess . I am extraordinary and unique and exactly the same as everyone else . I have moments of kindness and moments of pettiness , moments when I am magnanimous and moments where my patience is raw and limited . There are moments when I am profound and moments where I am cliche and obvious and so full of shit . I know that whenever I tell you a story I am only telling you a part of it . That every attempt to convey a truth immediately makes a liar out of me . One face . One truth . There is no way to know the whole truth . Ever . And yet … at that moment , in that space , in the perfectness of a now , no one ever really lies but only whispers what they know to be true in that millisecond , even if that truth shifts the moment it is uttered . Over this last year , some of the people I love most have disappointed me and it has set my world upside down . Perhaps they were unkind or thoughtless . They may have hurt me greatly , acted in a way I found disrespectful or simply annoyed me . They may have behaved jealously or they may have judged me or someone I love . Maybe I thought they took advantage or took all all the air . Maybe I thought they took without giving . Maybe they gave for the wrong reasons . Maybe I thought they were a hypocrite or made a liar out of me . At the end of the day though , my disappointment was about me . I was annoyed because they failed to meet whatever unfair expectations I had created when I declared why I loved them and then quietly in my heart of hearts demanded ( unfairly ) that they always be that way . I was angry because their truth at that moment did not match up with the truth I had told myself about them . I was convinced that they were perfect in the ways I wanted them to be . I was caught up in a lie . Caught up in the calling them a liar , caught up in not seeing the whole , caught up in not being willing to meet them as they are exactly as they are . The moment I realized this , something hard inside me began to dissolve . That work is still happening but I feel so much softer around the edges . I am able to hold the reality that the people I love are divine and terrible . We all are . As we stumble through our lives they will be lovely and screw up exponentially and I am simply called to love . And the aim of this practice is to know unconditional love . To see and be seen . I am making it my practice , to open up and love the fucked up parts of the people I love along with the delicious parts . Immediately as I wrote this last sentence , I tried to qualify it , for fear that someone in my real life could claim it isn 't the truth . They could point to the thousands of times I have failed at this . They could think I am being smug . They could think a lot of things . It takes too much time and energy for me to worry about that anymore so the qualifications are going out the window . I am flawed and todays truths may be tomorrows fictions but for now this is my truth . The Truth according to Me . The truth that the minute is spoken dissolves . A few days ago , when I sat down to write , I had an entirely different post in mind . But this is what came up and so I honored it . Truth is , it has been bubbling up and wanting to be written for months now but finally came to the surface , probably inspired by these truth tellers whose posts made me think so much this past week . Posted by Meg on June 20th , 2010 Awhile ago , the lovely Jena Strong ( who herself , often writes about being broken open ) made a book recommendation . I immediately picked this book up and gobbled it in a matter of a week . Broken : A Love Story is a story of a Native American shaman who found his talents to train horses and to heal people after an accident leaves him paralyzed . More than that however , it is the story of what happens to the author , Lisa Jones , when she allows this man and his community to touch her life . It is a story about the beauty that comes from mess and the peace in living life exactly as it shows up , the joy of surrender . And then there is Maggie , of Okay . Fine . Dammit . Maggie writes about a lot of things , but she writes with raw exquisite breathtaking beauty about being broken open . Or rather , Maggie - so deeply immersed in this life she lives , breaks open her heart , confronts pain and ugliness and shows us spectacular beauty in the procss . One of the things I love about Maggie 's posts is that she doesn 't feel the need to tie it all up in a neat little bow . She is content with the messiness to be , well , messy . If you don 't read Maggie , you should . She will knock you to your knees . Try this one about the impending loss of a cherished friend or this one about her battle to be true to herself and commitments she made or this one which made her one of my heros for ever . Or how about this video of Elizabeth Gilbert of Eat Pray Love and Committed fame . A marvelous look at how we never really arrive anywhere , just muddle through the best we can and do brilliantly . If you have 20 minutes or are feeling like you can 't quite get it together and IT . IS . ALL . FALLING . APART watch this . You will be so glad you did . Filed in A Healer 's Journey , Holding the Space , Soul Renovations 1 Comment » Falling apart and coming back again I don 't mind telling the 6 or so of you who still pass this way that I have a lovely family therapist . I started seeing her when Juan told me he was leaving me and she eased our family through our various transitions along the way . She is a resource for me on parenting , a partner who has helped me reframe my thinking about our experiences , a guide to understanding how hearts and lives break and heal , a problemsolver who helps me tease out solutions that work and a teacher who has helped me learn to build fences where they are needed and knock down stone walls where they block out the light . She recommends books for me and sends me to go see movies . And she buys me nail polish with wonderful names like Abundance and Brand New Skates so that I may always look down at my feet and know where in what space I am planted . At the end of each session we hug tightly , giggling as the rest of the office looks on in shock . I am not sure that we are behaving properly for a therapist and her client . We don 't care . Its much more fun this way . Today I walked to therapy feeling glorious and full . The air was warm and humid - the kind of air in which smells are intensified as though put through an olfactory microscope - blown up bigger than life . The light breeze that blew brought in all sorts of wonderful intense smells - the mulch from the garden beds , sweet spun sugar from newly baked cupcakes at the bakery , jasmine and peonies and hamburgers and Thai food . Car exhaust . Sugary soda spilled on the sidewalk . More mulch more heavenly mulch . As I walked , I honestly considered whether my visits to her office were needed anymore . I am doing so well , everything in check . Its expensive to keep coming , even when the intervals are so spaced out , even though its covered . And I am so deeply happy , even as I am frustrated , angry , sad , lonely and broken sometimes . I am healthy now . I feel whole . It has been a long time since we last met . She asks me how I have been and all I can say is fine . How do you capture 6 weeks of heart work in a few minutes . So I tell her fine ( honestly ) - even as I know I am lying ( honestly ) . I feel a storm , swirling like a thunderstorm developing suddeny on a hot summer day . I feel it rising up from my gut - a breaking open in the safety of my big comfy chair . Actually … there are moments when I feel so unsupported , I tell her . Moments when I feel so terribly alone - when I am doing this all , keeping it together , being healthy and good and strong and it costs me so much to not fall apart . I am a levee constantly in danger of being breached , straining but still strong . It is exhausting and hard to focus when I am working so hard just to maintain - to get lunches made , and beds made , and homework done and baths drawn , and dinner cooked , and cupboard stacked and boo - boos kissed and litter boxes emptied and trash cans left at the corner . The laundry never stops piling up , no matter how much I do . The dust builds up causing me to sneeze before I am there to do it again . The fridge is never cleaned because while I start I never have time to finish . I never have time to finish anything because I only have time to start . Everything is started and rarely finished ( I rage ) . The to - do list is too long and everything is twice as complicated as it seems and stuck - it gets stuck . I have so many dreams … so many things I should be doing to move those dreams forward … I know what I need to be doing but I can 't do them . No one can help me with these things - they are my path and my journey and I am alone right now - I am supposed to do it alone . I can 't do it on my own but I somehow keep managing to do it part way - to almost do it on my own . Because its so much and while I have long given up on beating myself up for not being able to do it all - the fact remains that when you don 't do it all - a lot doesn 't get done . And it costs so much for it all not to be done . So much is sacrificed . And I am so so tired . And how are you ? I pause for a minute , surprised . I am surprised ( I say ) because I am really really grateful . I am grateful for the help that I have - for my dear friend who covered for my babysitter who needed to go to the doctors today and for the people who drive Max here and there while I work . I am grateful that Juan shows up two nights a week so I have time to work late , and write , and do errands without a fight . I am grateful for my job , a place where I feel so exquisitely loved and appreciated , even though I no longer feel passionate about it . I am grateful for my home , my community , my old cat who wakes me up every morning at 6 with kisses unless I ask her to wake me at 7 . ( She really does ) . I am grateful for my friends who cook for me and pour me wine and invite me to the most delicious conversation . And Oh how I am grateful for my son who is healthy and kind and growing up into such a lovely young man with opinions and interests and an awareness that is inspiring . I am grateful for all the beauty in the world for the smells and the flowers and the snow and the yummy yummy food so WHY do I feel so f * * king ungrateful and resentful ? There is nothing left for me to do . ( I am almost yelling now through my tears ) . I have grown so freakin ' much - I am so strong now . Most of the time I get by just fine . I breathe . I check the evidence . I don 't globalize . I see each situation through three or four different lenses . I reframe . I see the positive . I count to 10 . I lower my standards . I prioritize . I count my blessings . I accept . I love unconditionally . I let everything go except for that which is right in front of me . THIS IS MY LIFE . It is not changing and I don 't know how to change it anymore . I don 't know how to fix it because I don 't think it can be fixed and honestly ( I say accusingly - to whom I wonder ? ) I don 't think its needs to be fixed but this life , my life , my sweet gorgeous , messed up , totally rotten , joyous life - its exhausting and hard and too too too much sometimes . It comes too fast . I don 't seem to have time to enjoy it even though I savor it so sweetly - it is gone before I can truly process and metabolize its taste . When I sleep - it costs me dearly . When I play , it costs me twice as much . When I try and move in a new direction I feel blocked , stuck , lulled . ( Where is the girl with the bowl I wonder ? ) You 're right she says . And we sit for a few minutes . And as we start to talk I am at peace again . At peace because I rode out the storm in a safe harbor . At peace because I let it just wash over me and didn 't fight it . At peace because at the end of the day I AM right - on all counts . At peace because I know I have just spoke the universal rant of mothers who are trying to hold it all together and who are tested , challenged , called to learn through our own unique sets of circumstances . At peace because at the end of the day , I know deep in my heart that this is my path and there is no other place that would be better for me right now . I wish I could tell you that she had magic words of wisdom that knit me back together . If she I would share them with you , I promise . But she offered me a space where I could break myself open and simply be imperfect and broken and resentful and full of rage , angry and tired and lonely despite the blessings in my life . Where I could be without worries that I have hurt her or alienated her or annoyed her or simply brought her down . That is a gift . It is exactly what I needed : to come unglued and then the gingerly rearrange myself again . Tonight I am working late , sitting at my computer as the sun starts to fade , sitting here in the knowlege that life is hard , exhausting , and challenging even as it is fascinating , beautiful and holy . There is no way around it . Life is something we must bear - its beauty and its pain . And we bear it breath by breath
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I am cleaning house . Throwing away the excess and making boxes of stuff for future garage sales or give - a - ways as I know that I will not be taking all of this stuff with me over the pond . My mom asked me the other day about what I would be taking , and I told her I am not really attached to any of the stuff I have . I could really just take some clothes and start over . I would want to leave pictures and a few special items in a box here , but for the most part its just stuff . This is a good place to be , but I still have a lot of stuff to sort through . As I was sorting the piles under my bed , I came across a collage I made way back in my Jr . year of high school , you know the kind where you take words , quotes and pictures from magazines and put it all together . This " art piece " has lasted through well over 15 moves , and thanks to my laminating skills is still in good shape . The theme of the collage was who I wanted to be . This was not an assignment , rather just a lazy day activity . So what Trinity ? How is this funny ? I am getting there , what is funny is that as I read all the words on this 11 year old piece of paper I can see how I have come very close to achieving what I wanted way back then . Not on purpose , obviously I was not giving this collage much weight as it was stuffed under my bed but I have a feeling God , who knows my heart and all my inmost thoughts kept this collage in His sights . Here are the things on the collage so you can see what I mean : At the very center is the word EMANUEL ( God with us ) , funny that back then I put this as the center , because in the midst of my Jr . year of high school I was really having a hard time with wanting to give Him that place . Peace - another thing I had little of that year , as that is when my seizures started . Versatility - I have done many things that I never thought I would do . Embrace - I pride myself on embracing life to its fullest , trying new things and welcoming new ideas . Go Places you 've never gone before - hummm yep going to live overseas , in a job that will likely takePosted by It 's a little past 11pm on Christmas , and I am home in my bungalow . Which for those of you who have been following this blog would imply that yes the freaky gian purple newt has been relocated to a new home ! Otherwise I would not be here . But , thankfully being a Youth Pastor has finally paid off and as one of my boys and his father promptly came to my rescue on Christmas Eve to remove the icky miniature dragon ( or over - sized slimy lizard ) type creature which had taken up residence in on my steps . For those of you worried that I had them off it rest assured that it has mearly been taken away , not knocked off . Though those that know me and experianced my fear yesterday would know that I am not an animal lover or a slimy creature lover , and would not really have any quams having it killed , but alas it really just got moved into a friendlier neighborhood . Knowing that my creature was no longer a threat awaiting me at home , it was much eaiser to return back to my lovely little place tonight , and reflect on my Christmas day . Looking back it really was a one of the better Christmases . Why ? So glad you asked , because it was just my family , it was simple , and it was realxed in every way . To be honest I was not looking forward to this siplistic Christmas , I love having the bigger family around or friends , I thought I would miss ahving the extras . I was wrong . I cannot explain to you how nice it was to wake up , start a fire ( yep I did that ) and have my little 8 year old brother come in so excited because Santa really did come and better yet he left presents . I think Jordan was really not sure if he was going to get anything this year , so the compleate joy when he discovered the lack of coal was so refreshing . We let everyone wake up as they did , and took our turns opening stockings filled with goodies , letting each person really enjoy the the treats they unwraped . After awhile we did cinimon rolls and gifts , at a leasurly pace , with lots of thanks . You see about a month ago we all agreed to keep in mind the idea of not over spPosted by I went home to find that ever creepy yet even bigger now newt . . . YUCK . . . NO THANK YOU ! So I ran away . . . called one of my fearless youth guys and bribed him with $ 10 to dispose of the icky gross creature that is stalking my home . If it reappears he owes me $ 20 ! I needed some insurance to be sure it would not be freaking me out again ! A girls got to do what a girls got to do . You may have noticed that I have not blogged in quite some time , that 's because everything worth blogging about was off limits . . . but now that it 's out in the open I can share it with you ! I am very excited to tell you that I am going to be starting a new chapter in my life ! Nope , not getting married , nor am I pregnant ! So , what 's the big news ? I have been commissioned to be a long term missionary in Rome , Italy ! Some of you have known this for a week now and the rest of you are probably reading this in disbelief . I wanted to tell you all in person , but since I do not know all of you personally it was a bit impractical . I have of course started a new blog that will follow me on this journey . I invite you all to visit that blog often , and right now , as it has the whole story including my calling , and information about the organization and team I will be going with . Today I had my Modified Barium Swallow today which means that I went to the hospital and met with a speech therapist who was really very sweet . She had me stick out my tongue a few times and discovered it has a natural tendency to go towards the left . This is not really a problem , just good to know in case someday they think I have a stroke , and use my tongue as a guide . At which point I should tell them , not to worry my tongue has always been like that . Basically I have more muscle on the right side of my tongue , so I guess I could just start some tongue workouts and be just fine and dandy . ; ) After all the tongue checks I got to sit inside a X - ray machine and eat different foods all of which had Barium mixed into them . First straight up drinking the stuff . . . ( in case you were wondering this stuff tasted like spicy pepto ) Then came peach puree ' , followed by a tuna fish sandwich and finally a gram cracker with peanut butter . Then I had to repeat a few of those , just to be sure . The whole time I and the therapist could watch as I chewed and swallowed , on a monitor . I asked for a copy of the DVD so I could post it here , but she wasn 't able to make that happen . So the picture here , is not me , but it is pretty close to what it looked like . Each time I would swallow you could watch this black stuff move through me . It was actually pretty cool . If I ever get a copy I will try to post it . The results have to be sent back to the ENT , but it looked pretty normal other than my strong right muscle in my tongue , and that my tongue does not touch the back of my throat when I swallow , neither do my tonsils move up as they should . But I guess that is not a big deal . I woke up today and did not feel like spending the whole day curled up in pj 's in front of the TV or just in bed . It is maybe the first day in weeks that I have felt like getting up . Not the first day in weeks I have gotten up mind you . This is good ! Yesterday I felt horrible all day long , because on top of everything I had gotten a cold . It was my day off though , so I took full advantage of the time off to rest . I lounged in front of my TV and watched some of my favorite shows ; What Not to Wear , Tim Gunn 's Guide to Style , The Travel Channel ( though sadly they did not offer much ) , West Wing and Gilmore Girls reruns and NCIS . Along with way too many hours of TV I also made tea , soup and drank water . I finally fell asleep listening to Italian CD 's and woke up this morning not feeling like I wanted to stay in all day . I am still not 100 % , but I feel mounds better than I have in a long time . So thank you for your prayers . Keep it up ! Hopefully I can kick all of this stuff by Thanksgiving and have something to be super Thankful for ! ! ! I feel like I should have my own medical blog just to keep you all up to date on the medical stuff . Thanks to all of you who have been praying for me these last few weeks . For those of you who care about the latest keep reading . . . ( those of you who don 't should have already stopped ) Here is the time line and answers as I know them : Oct . 30th - Started feeling really crummy ( thought it was the flu ) Oct . 30th - Switched from 90mg of Armour Thyroid to 120mg . Oct . 31st - tried to take it easy , but allowed myself to go to the Amazing Black and White partyNov . 4th - Thought I might just be really excited that Obama won when my heart started racing decided it was not that exciting so I took myself to the ER . See old post if you care that much . Nov . 8th - Heart began racing again . Went to the ER again . Wore a holter monitor home for 24 hours , after another 5 hours in the ER . Lots of fun . Nov . 10th - Saw a fill - in doc at my doctors office because my Doc was out of town . That was pointless . Got a massage , cause I was still feeling crummy . Everything even my fingers and toes hurt . Nov . 12 - Saw the Endocrinologist he was looking at me because I was having a hard time swallowing and that was only getting worse . He ruled out a connection to the thyroid , and said that the heart problems were most likely from the increased thyroid . Nov . 14th - Saw my Dr . she agreed with the endocrinologist so we lowered the Armour back to 90mg . She wanted me to see an ENT to get my throat looked at . Which the other doc had thought of too . Along with taking stuff for acid reflux in the mean time . She also discovered that I have Parvovirus B19 which is why I feel like crap . All my joints are swollen and sore and I am extremely tired because of this . Which is great ! I am glad to have a name for it , but sad because there is no treatment , except time , rest and Ibprophen . It can last for months . Joy . Nov . 17th - Saw the ENT , not my favorite idea , seeing as in High School I had to have nasal reconstructive surgery and in college another ENT discovered that the Posted by I don 't know if I was just really excited to see my country finally select the new President or if I was having a reaction to my new level of meds but last night at about 11 : 30 my heart started racing and feeling funny . It was hard to swallow and I was feeling pain everywhere like I had been punched repeatedly . So I took myself to the ER to see what the deal was . After many tests , some which I expected and others they forgot to mention . . . EKG , Heart monitor , Thyroid TSH normal blood work up and a pregnancy test ( just in case I somehow ended up in that condition unbeknownst to me . ) after all that and lots of waiting they sent me home . The doctor said I was having minor heart palputations . . . oh wait I knew that going in . I was instructed to see my Doctor this morning , but alas she is gone till a week from Friday . Best guess is that it is my body getting used to the meds . I called for my lab results this morning at which time I found out I am not pregnant . Big Shocker there . And that my thyroid level is 1 . 27 which is " normal " But if this is what normal feels like , I don 't want it , cause I feel horrible . I think I need this guy and his team to figure this out stat ! Okay so it is 9 ; 30 I just got home to discover my power back on which is good because had it not been on I would have totally stepped on this Giant Purple Newt that was chillaxin by my door . By that i mean it is still there , it won 't leave . I don 't think that you can really appreciate the size of this creature from my cell phone quality pictures . Think of my size 9 foot , it is about that big , and it is as slimy as it looks and purple with buggy eyes , not really what I was hoping to discover waiting at home for me . Like I said I am home sick / recovering today . Which gave me time to research my Thyroid problem , and medication . This has been an ongoing issue in my life for years now , perhaps before we even knew it was one . I started having what looked like seizures in my Junior year of High School but it was not till about four years later that any doctor thought that my tremmors may infact be linked to a thyroid problem . So way back in oh 2000 ish ( I think ) My doctor let me know I had graves desease which meant that my thyroid was over producing hormones that in turn effect the rest of my body . Bummer . So I opted to take Radio Active Iodine . Yep I chose to swallow radioactive pills to effectively kill my thyroid . The problem aside from being radio active for a few weeks was that the RAI treatment did not work . My thyroid levels were still off the charts . So I took the pills a second time with similar results . My doctor at the time suggested a third round , but I opted out considering it did not seem to be working and they mentioned that they had accidentally managed to kill my pituitary gland instead . Oops . Then I was put on some thyroid drug to help my levels but instead of helping , everything in my body went kinda haywire for a few months after which I stopped the drugs , and decided that due to a lack of improvement and insurance I would just ignore the problem . My mistake , because years later when I walked into my new doctors office for my initial check up she took one look at me and said , " you have a thyroid problem don 't you ? " I filled her in and she let me know that she was fairly certain that my Thyroid had finally kicked the bucket sometime in the last two years . Which was probably the reason I had gained weight , and was having trouble concentrating , as well as sleeping , and feeling depressed . So we ran some tests and low and behold she was right . ( A first time I have had a doctor be right on purpose ) She got me taking some thyroid replacement medication Synthroid or Levoxal but , which at first really seemed to boost my entrinity Some of you know that I am a Youth Director , which means much of my time is spent with students in Jr . and Sr . High . It is a great job ! I love my students , I love that they come over to my home , that we go places , that I get to go to their schools , and to their homes , I love that they come and chill in my office . The only time I have found it is hard to love my students is when they hit me in the face with a ball . You see part of my job is playing wild crazy games in a gym . . . which usually involves any number of balls flying past . The problem is when they fail to pass and instead smack me in the face . The first time this happened was in the middle of a Dodgeball game , I failed to dodge , so presumably it is my fault . It hurt . . . and I had a mild black eye , but I laughed it off . The next time I don 't even recall what was going down , but man it hurt . Then there was last night . Our Game Night was not even officially started yet ( though there had been students in my office for hours ) I was crossing the gym , after taking a picture , when all of the sudden I was met by the sharp sting of the third ball hitting my in the face thrown with such force that my neck and jaw both popped out of allignment leaving a swollen cheek . It seems I have a magnetic face . An instant headache insued and lasted into the morning . I am not sure that the morning headache was solely from the impact of the ball as I have been fighting off a cold or flu all week . Regardless as I met with my good friends and fellow youth workers for our morning prayers for our students and community , I began to see stars and my head was spinning . So I made an appointment to see my Chiropractor . She confirmed that my neck , jaw and infact bones in my head were misaligned and did her best to alliviate the pain and dizzyness . Upon her strong suggestion to go home , and rest I did just that . Which brings me to THE POINT of this post . . . while getting Smacked upside the head repeatedly is not at all enjoiable , sometimes we just need to rest . As I have been laying here ALL day I Posted by What do you get when you combine a Youth Worker , A Student , Hours of Project Runway watched , and Halloween on a budget ? You get your own version of a Project Runway Challenge . . . The Challenge spend little to no money , create a fantastic , memorable black and white costume in less than 24 hours . First came the 3 min sketch . . . Which led to a trip to Costco to grab some packaging tape . . . and a drive by newspaper stop to load up on free newspapers ! ! ! Then came three hours of ripping , taping and cutting . . . After about three hours we had the skirt portion of our newspaper dress . . . A few more hours a day later and I had the dress for the Black and White party finished , just in time to debut it at the Halloween Young Life Club . I went as Old News ! My friend Heather posted awhile ago things that she loved about her house , because she had a friend do the same . I have a tendency to like Heather get caught up in the smallness of my home , and forget the things I love about it , so here are a few , though not 12 like Heather ( she is an over achiever ) things that I love about my little place . 1 . I love my bed ! It was my very first and thus far my only major furniture purchase , and I love it . It is even more comfy then it looks ! I especially enjoy reading in bed ! The shelving in my bedroom is also quite lovely , though I have not made the best use of the other half , ( not pictured ) I do really love this side with my shoes , journals , books and memories ! This beautiful soap dish was made for me by one of my students ! I love it . I love the random collection of soaps that it holds as well . Some homemade by members of my church ! This is also in my bathroom . Really I love my bathroom , it is supper cute , just hard to take a picture of because of its size . But this will do , I love that I have a place to hang my latest Vouge , and I love that my toilet paper holder is just perfect so as never to keep the role from spinning . I also love that I splurge on super soft Charmin . Its the little things ! I found this fan in my office when I took over , it was burried back in a cupboard . I love it ! It is fun to me that I can see Rome from my bed : ) So there are a few things I love about my home . Like I just mentioned I went and switched from Verizon to AT & T today ! This is not only great because it means that I will pay less monthly , Sweet ! It is also great because I can actually use my phone in my apartment ! Super Sweet . If you don 't live around here , you may be thinking what ? Yep Verizon got next to no signal at my little place deep in the Redwoods . So now I can enjoy chatting on my phone while lying on my bed , or cooking in my kitchen or whatever else one normally can do while talking on the phone . Where as the past two years I have had to lean my head against my sliding glass door and hope and pray that the other person was hearing me . To top it all off , I got a $ 230 ish phone for oh wait . . . NOTHING ! FREE ! That 's right and it has 9 hours of talk time , and some sweet extra features like a pedometer and the radio , plus a sweet camera with little extras like panoramic shoot , and other stuff . And the best part it is not a Razor . This weekend is good already . I just got home from taking a group of Sr . High Students to the Hay Maze at Arata Pumpkin Farm in Half Moon Bay . I believe there was about 23 of us who drove out so that we could arrive at 8pm and spend the next hour and fifteen minutes wandering the 2 - 2 . 5 acre hay maze . Yep it took me and my four students the whole time to make it through and I am not sure we could do it again . It was super fun to be running around in the dark under the stars completely lost . I highly recomend it . I don 't know that it would be nearly as fun during the daylight hours , unless you have kids . Then day time would be a better option . Tomorrow should be good too ! I get to switch from Verizon to AT & T . . . which I have been waiting for . Which means less expensive coverage and more of it ! And a phone that is not my Razor ! Tomorrow is also my little brothers soccer game , always fun to watch Jordan play and my dad coach . I have missed most of them this season , because I have been out of town almost every other weekend . I am going tomorrow Go Tigers ! ! ! And then in the evening I will be going to see a student in a community play , a melodrama of some event in our community 's past . Then on Sunday night Real Authentic Worship starts back up ! Yea ! RAW is a great hour of worship that I have missed for the last four months . I am excited to have it back again ! If you live in the area you should come join us ! Its at 7pm in the Little Mt . Hermon Chapel on Conference Drive it is such a simple time of connecting with God . Yep its a good weekend . This weekend I am at the National Youth Workers Convention in Sacramento this weekend . I have been looking forward to this weekend since last year . Even when I wrongly assumed it was at the Arco Arena and which I thought was possibly the worst spot ever . . . even then I was eagerly waiting for this chance to get away with people who have for various reasons have chosen to follow the call that God has placed on their heart . I am here surrounded by about 2 , 500 Youth Pastors who have gathered to learn , challenge , be challenged , grow , rest and worship . It is one of my favorite weekends of the year . And thankfully it is not at the Arco Arena , but rather the Convention Center . I came ready to learn and be challenged and I have been . I cannot even begin to cover here all of the things I am learning and thinking about . But , friends rest assured that Obama is not the only one preaching Change . Change is in the air around here , and seeing as the wind is blowing a lot things are getting russled about . It is refreshing , and yet uncomfortable at times . More to come about this I am sure either on the blog or in practice or both . Hopefully both . I got Tagged by Jenni , so I 'm doing my bit : Here are the rules : 1 . Post the rules on your blog2 . List 6 random things about yourself3 . Tag 6 people at the end of your post1 ) While I would probably not get along with them in person I kinda have a thing for Anthony Bourdain ( I know he is married ) and Greg House ( I know he is not real ) . 2 ) I love sushi even though half the time I eat it I throw up later . 3 ) I love cooking4 ) I have next to no memories of my childhood5 ) I used to hate reading and now I love it6 ) I am not a pet person , but when I see dogs on TV I want oneI 'm tagging . . . . HeatherBrittanyDarbiMeggieKristaHeidi I jumped on the Twitter bandwagon back when Obama was new news . ( when was that ? seems like years ago ) I know that this was the time , because I joined Twitter to join a group on Google Maps that was tracking Obama 's progress in that election that happened ages ago . When I joined Twitter I found it confusing at best and lame at worst . Initially I was intruged , but because non of my friends were Twittering it was kinda pointless at that point in my life . I forgot about it . Then some of my friends got bit by the Twitter bug . They were getting Twitter updates on their phones and computers all the time , it kinda made them seem really popular . Every couple minutes their phone whould alert them of a new txt telling them of thier friends latest news . Being the people person and friend junkie that I am , I decided to give Twitter a second chance . I reopened my account , and found a few but not many of my friends . I signed up to follow them , and they follow me . Yes I know that it seems stalkerish , but you are signing up for it , so it is not as creepy as if people were just following you uninvited . Anyhow , at first it was exciting , my phone would be going off every few moments telling me the latest news in my friends lives , and even the responces of their other followers would be sent to me . I could text Twitter and tell them where I was or what I was doing or thinking and they would publish all that info pretty much instantlly on my Facebook , Myspace and who knows where . Did I mention before I am a People Person ? Oh yep right before this . Yeah , which is why I am thinking Twitter is not actually the best thing ever . You see , now I know all about my friends at every moment of my day , but I no longer hear from them . Sure I get a little Twittering here and there , but for a girl like me who thrives on interpersonal communication it is pretty much sucking the life out of my social life . Even when I do see or chat with my Twitter friends there is really nothing left to talk about , because they have been letting me and the entire world knPosted by It rained last night . As I sat in my little place candles lit and listened to the sound of water falling from great heights I was reminded how much I love the sound of rain . How it somehow can minister to my very being . The world always looks different after the first rains have fallen . Greens are greener and things that have gone unnoticed seem to stick out . I am a sunshine sort of gal , but a good down pour now and then is good for the soul . The blog is called random rants and ramblings and yet there has been a lack of that here as of late . Never fear . Let the rambling rant ensue . . . I am in the middle of a series of fictional novels ( a form of reading I am rarely into ) based on Jane Austins character of Mr . Darcy in Pride and Prejudice . A character that lets be honest I have come to love . Though at first I would have to join Elizabeth Bennet and later Bridget Jones in my initial dislike of Mr . Darcy , I have succumb to the pull of his reserved charm . This is perhaps why I was willing to pick up this fictional look at his side of the story . Seeking to in someway understand this guarded man of mystery perhaps just a bit better . I was captured by the first book from page one . The second took more effort on my part , a willingness to let go of the story I know and leave the beaten path following Mr . Darcy 's story on a rabbit trail of sorts . My hope of knowing his character better allowed me to stay with the book when normally I would have set it aside for another . The thing is , while I am enjoying the delve into the back story and the chance to gain some understanding of this brooding man , I find myself frustrated that the books are authored not by a male but by one of my own sex . Why should it matter ? I know it 's only a book , that he is merely a character created in fact by one of the female persuasion . I think it is the idea that somewhere within my own female psyche I want Mr . Darcy to exist , maybe I even believe he does . In that Prince Charming sort of way . I know that I am not alone in this , if I was Bridget Jones would have never made it , nor would Jane Austins beautiful story . The reason those stories have captured the female following it has is not because of their leading ladies alone . We watch and read them again and again because somewhere deep down we have allowed Mr . Darcy to become our Prince Charming and we want him to exist , just as little girls dream of their Prince , we dream of finding our Mr . Darcy . So I / we pick up these new tales of Mr . DarPosted by I can 't sleep . That 's not true . . . what I mean is I cannot get good sleep . I am tired at 11pm I go to bed . I read . The words begin to move about the page , so I set the book down , turn off the light and then . . . poof . . . I am wide awake . Last night and two nights ago you can add and freezing cold to the wide awake . I lay there . Trying to sleep , ignoring the cold . Or trying to ignore the cold . I give up . Turn the stupid heater on , jump in a really hot shower . Just stand there till I am no longer numb . Make my way back to bed . Pick up my book . Words blend . My eyes give up and I sleep ! But then I am restless , I toss I turn I think . I think too much . Even in my sleep I am constantly running over things . I wake up suddenly with a song stuck in my head . Finally I sleep a bit more . This morning at 6 : 30 the phone rings . I answer assuming someone must be dying . Nope . Wrong number . Wrong number at 6 : 30 in the morning . Who calls people especially the wrong people at 6 : 30 ? I try to fall back into the dream that I at least hope I was having . Its gone . Morning has won . So now it 's 2 : 15pm and its safe to say that while my eyes are awake . . . my brain is falling in and out of sleep . I don 't know about you , but sometimes I need change . For me it is often a sudden if not spontaneous urge . It is usually something little , often unnoticed , like driving a different route to and from normal locals . But sometimes I am in need of a more noticeable shift , a new job or something . This time it was somewhere between taking a new road and getting a new job . I dyed my hair . If we have met you may be thinking big deal . . . you change your hair often enough . True . Thanks for noticing . But normally when I switch my hair I leave it to the professionals . This time I took matters into my own spontaneous hands . On Saturday my plans went out the window , I was restless , so I took myself down to the local drug store with the color black in mind . Upon arrival I realized I was not in the mood for black and I had done it before . So I picked out a color called " cherry chocolate mousse . " Why I was in the mood for food colored hair I still don 't know , but it was what caught my fancy . Back at the bungalow I mixed up the dye and went to work applying my yummy sounding but not so great smelling hair product . Then comes the hard part . Waiting . I sat . I then rinsed and dried and applied the highlights . Again the waiting . The rinsing , drying and styling . Ahhh . . . Wa - la A little longer than an hour after my intial inclination for change I went from light brown , to deep red . Until that moment I had never in my life considered what I would look like with dark red hair with highlights . But there I was looking at the new version of me in the mirror . Change can be scary . . . but it is also fun . Its been three days , and I like the red . Who knows how long it will last , but for now I am kinda liking the change . Posted by Friends , it is not often that I get to give you a gift via the web , something you can take with you more than just my words . But , today is your lucky day . This summer I was introduced to the music of JJ Heller , and now I get to give you the chance to fall in love with her melodic voice as well . She has made it possible for you to download her entire new CD for free 12 tracks of soul soothing music absolutely free . Check it out ! ! ! Hope you love it ! And don 't say I never gave you anything . Posted by I am on vacation , yes I blog on vacation , but hopefully about something new . Below are just a few quotes that thus far apply to my journey up to Oregon . " A good traveler has no fixed plans and is not intent on arriving . " - - Lao Tzu " Our happiest moments as tourists always seem to come when we stumble upon one thing while in pursuit of something else . " - Lawrence Block " To awaken alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world . " - Freya Stark " Two roads diverged in a wood and I - I took the one less traveled by . " - Robert Frost " Stop worrying about the potholes in the road and celebrate the journey . " - - Fitzhugh Mullan " Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter . " - - Izaak Walton " The journey not the arrival matters . " - - T . S . Eliot " I have found out that there ain 't no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them . " - - Mark Twain " A journey is best measured in friends , rather than miles . " - Tim Cahill " A journey is like marriage . The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it . " - - John SteinbeckIt was not the trip we planed but it was still a good journey ! So its the first Sunday of the month which in my church signals that it is time to take the Lords Supper as a way to remember His death on the cross for our sins . This morning as I was holding my little plastic cup filled with juice with the bread of life between my fingers I heard my 8 year old brother goofing off , " umm yummy , Jesus ' blood tastes good . " At first I thought to turn and give him one of those you better knock it off looks that I am so practiced at , but then I thought about what he had said . And as I lifted the cup to my mouth to partake I too noticed the sweetness as it passed my lips . Why ? I wondered was I so quick to silence my little brothers yammering , when it held such truth . Maybe , he should learn to hold his tongue , but maybe he was coming as he is to the Lord 's table to partake in the blood and body of Christ in his own childlike way . And why shouldn 't the blood of Jesus seem sweet ? Do we not sing , " O the Sweet , Sweet Blood of Jesus " ? The peace and hope , the live and the promise of new life that this blood spilled out brings is in fact the sweetest of things . Even the Psalms say , " taste and see that the Lord is good . " I had never thought of myself as much of a reader until just recently when on a questionnaire I was asked to list the books I had read this year . At first it seemed like an easy task , perhaps even the easiest of all the questions I was being asked , but then as I started my list I realized this was not as simple as I had originally thought . In fact I could not even recall all of the books that I have took up this year . So I went to my GoodReads page to see if it could help jog my memory . It was then that I realized it was not that I was losing my ability to recall simple facts , it was that I had read way , way more books than one could hope to remember . Turns out I can now consider myself an avid reader . A term I had deemed my sister , Krista long ago , but never thought of applying to myself . I still remember a time way back when I hated to read , not because I wasn 't good , at it , but just because there was so much to do with friends that I couldn 't comprehend wanting to snuggle up with a good read when I could be out with a great friend . That was back in 4th or 5th grade . Since that time I have fallen in love with a few great books , but it had never occurred to me that somewhere along the way I had simply fallen in love with reading . You still won 't find me with a fictional story in my hands most the time , as I just have a hard time enjoying that brand of writing . Though there are a few exceptions to that rule , and they are some of my favorites . For the most part I love tales of travel , and of real life . And I tend to always have some spiritual readings lying about . The books that I am most surprised to find that I enjoy are cookbooks , I mean I never in a million years would have envisioned myself buying a cookbook just for a good read , but somehow I have been able to not only develop a love affair with books but with cooking as well and combine the two and well then I am just jazzed . The best books for me are those that combine ; food , travel and cooking with just the right amount of humor , cause who doesn 't want to lPosted by
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We are now into October and it feels like an eternity since my last outing . I made myself a cushion with my school work so I could get a day out in the hills . I texted Cole and he was in . To keep the climb close to home we decided on Pettingell Peak . Pettingell is a mountain along the Continental Divide near the Loveland Ski Area . The route we used is the South Slopes route from 14ers . com . We varied it a bit in true " Karl " fashion , but more or less it was the same . I would suggest following our descent gpx track which is what has been attached to this report . The trail starts at the Herman Gulch TH . This is a popular place for hikers making their way to Herman Lake . Take exit 218 off of I - 70 . At the stop sign at the end of the off ramp take a hairpin right turn down a bumpy dirt road . This will lead you to the TH . There is a pit toilet there if you need it . We took the luxury of sleeping in on this trip . We met at 6am in Denver , and made the drive to the TH arriving just after 7am . The sun was starting to come up , so for this trip we didn 't need our headlamps . It was a brisk morning , so deciding on layers was a bit difficult . With winter looming over us it 's always hard to tell what you need . So , to be prepared I brought most of my cold weather gear just in case it got windy at the summit . There is a trail that leads you all the way to Herman Lake , I would say it is just over 3 miles . We moved pretty well up the trail , but there were sections of ice through quite a bit of the trees . We had micro spikes , but never needed them . Just as we were breaking tree line we took a break to put on some sun block . It seemed to get a bit chillier , but that may have just been the fact we were feeling the breeze for the first time . I continued just wearing my mid - weight base layer top . As we crested a small hill that looks over Herman Lake the winds picked up and we both decided to put on our shell jackets . The views of the Citadel were pretty amazing from here . That is a truly rugged peak , and I looks like a technical mixed climb with the current conditions . We saw the first two people of the day near the lake . The route takes you off trail at the lake and you make your way to the northern point where a rock field ramp so to speak will lead you towards the saddle on the western side of the summit . This section wasn 't difficult but it was tedious . There was enough snow in - between the rocks to piss you off a bit . Lower on the ramp the rocks were more consolidated which made stair stepping a good option , but the higher you get the smaller the boulders were and the more lose they became . Take this ramp all the way to the saddle . Don 't get lured by the summit and climb direct . I know , because that 's what we did . The slope is fairly steep on loose unconsolidated rock . We found out on the descent that the normal route is pretty solid for the most part . Since we were on the " Karl " route we just kept trucking up the crappy rock till we hit the eastern ridge . Once on the ridge we had a couple hundred feet climb to the west to make the summit . Just after 10am we were on the summit , so that was about a 3 hour ascent . You could probably shave some time off by taking the longer , more solid route to the west , but either way it 's not a bad climbing time . We were both shocked about how warm it felt on top . Cole never put a jacket on , but I threw on my puffy just because I had it . We cracked open a few summit beers , kind of a celebration for a solid climbing season . We both decided that cameras will never capture the true beauty the eye takes in while you 're in the mountains . This had one of the better , clearer views I 've seen this year . I 'm glad we were able to sneak this one in . We probably took a half hour on top before we started our descent . We headed down the standard route and were both pleasantly surprised how much more solid the rock was . It seemed like we were moving down the rocks pretty quickly and within an hour we were probably back to the lake . The lake was overcrowded with probably about 50 people . We took a small water break before heading down . Along the trail loads of people were heading up to the lake , this is a hot spot I guess . We were in high gear , trotting in some of the downhill sections . Just after 2pm we were back to the TH . This is a really nice climb . In the summer I would like to take the East Ridge route from the Continental Divide Trail and maybe add Hassell Peak . It would be interesting to do a Pettingell - Citadel - Hagar trifecta , but I 'm assuming it gets pretty technical . Worth looking into anyway . Well , it 's been a good season of climbing , and all good things must come to an end ( what a shitty cliché ) . I 've got a busy schedule ahead , so I hope some of you get out there and climb and share your stories with me for a change . Cheers ! When you think of the mountains of Colorado , Longs Peak is usually at the top of the list . I 'm not sure what the allure is about the mountain , perhaps that it 's a lone giant , the long history of ascents or that it is simply part of Rocky Mountain National Park . Living in the Denver metro area , Longs Peak is a part of the skyline to the north I see each day . Climbing Longs has been considered a classic and put on the list of many climbers , even before moving to Colorado I was aware of the allure of the mountain and was drawn to the idea of summiting it one day . I have been in Colorado for five years now and have for a long time contemplated the idea of Longs , on Thursday I convinced myself it was time to attempt the giant . Longs Peak in no way is an unobtainable mountain . In fact through this report I hope you see that it is not a hard or technical mountain to climb at all . I think the naming of many of the features such as the ledges , or the narrows that create a lot of concern for people . I 'm not sure exactly why I put it off so long , but I like to tell myself it was because of the route being nearly 15 miles and having to start around 2am . Over the past two weeks I couldn 't decide what mountain to climb , but the idea of Longs was always there . Late in the week I texted Cole and told him I decided on Longs and he agreed to join me , even though that required a midnight wake - up . The Longs Peak parking lot is notorious for filling up before 2am on any weekend . Even though the weather was going to be clear , we wanted to avoid as much of the traffic on the trail and still be able to park in the main lot . We decided a 3am start would work for us . I left my place at 12 : 30am and picked up Cole . The TH is located off of HWY 7 that runs in - between Lyons and Estes Park . We arrived around 2 : 30 am and snagged the last spot in the main parking lot . As we were gearing up at the TH the temps were very cold and the wind was breezy . I decided to pack my heavier parka instead of my light one , which was a wise decision . We didn 't take too much time and were off along the trail by 2 : 45am . I was feeling pretty good considering the hour and lack of sleep . I told Cole to let me know if my pace got out - of - hand , he never complains and always keeps up . I had set break points along the route so I could ration my water / food , wanting only to carry only what was necessary . The pace was more on the fast end , where we hit the Chasm Lake junction in an hour and half covering about 3 miles and 2 , 000ft . We took ten minutes to take in some fuel / water . The parkas were much needed as the wind was howling . The one bonus were the stars , you could not quite see the full Milky Way , but with a little less headlamp pollution it may have come through . I could not get a picture to come out showing the headlamp trail from all the climbers , but it looked like I70 on a ski weekend in the dark . The next break was the Keyhole . The Keyhole is where the trailed section of the trip ends , about 6 miles into the climb . My goal was to be there for sunrise at about 6 : 30am , so far we were moving better than expected so I was confident we would make it to the Keyhole for the sunrise . From the Chasm Lake junction there is a long traverse to Granite Pass . From the pass there was almost a paved path of granite slabs , quite unusual , but made our travel very efficient . Not long after the pass the boulder field starts . We could gauge where landmarks were in the dark based on the line of headlamps in front of us . There is a trail through most of the boulder field , but good luck keeping to it in the dark . We probably made better time hiking more directly towards the headlamps just under the Keyhole than staying to a meandering trail anyway . We arrived at the Keyhole about 6am and the winds were howling at what felt like at least 40mph . There is a memorial shelter just below the Keyhole and it was packed with people . I found a hole for us to crawl into so we could take in some calories . We started to freeze from the wind almost instantly , I wanted to see how Cole was feeling about moving along the route . He decided to stay at the Keyhole and I would push on the summit by myself . I knew I needed to get moving before I got any colder . Even though I wanted to stay and see the sunrise I knew I had to get a move on it . I put on my helmet and took off on the ledges . For the scramble part of the route I had an idea of what to expect , but you never really know what it 's like till you are there . I figured it was a thousand feet over about a mile , so I planned on about an hour and a half to get to the summit . There are four sections : The Ledges , Trough , Narrows and The Homestretch . I started out along The Ledges with nobody in sight as most people were apprehensive to continue with the windy conditions . There are bullseyes along the route to follow which takes a lot of the challenge of a class 3 route away . Since I was running solo , I was almost on a trot during some sections as I didn 't want Cole to have to wait out the cold winds longer than was necessary . I 'll be honest , The Ledges are a cakewalk . But bear in mind I have quite a bit of experience , for someone that is more accustom to trails they would not see it as I do . For the most part I thought there was a trail , where you would occasionally pull yourself up over a rock , nothing to get concerned about . I would say The Ledges took me 10 - 15 minutes max , and this section leads to The Trough . The Trough is as bad as the word sounds . By far the worst part of the climb . It was not difficult or dangerous , just annoying . As one would expect with a high mountain gully there was a lot of loose rock to deal with . Lucky for me there was only one group a few hundred feet above me and nobody below me . I would recommend a helmet just in case someone knocks down rocks , but I didn 't have to worry about that in my case . The crux of the climb in my opinion is the climb up the rock that takes you out of The Trough . It 's not that difficult , but it is something that you should take care with on the ascent . Once over the crux The Narrows begins . I want to say I was looking forward to The Narrows . Don 't get your hopes up , it 's a disappointment , or at least it was for me . This section reminded me of the hype for Chicken Out Ridge on Mount Borah in Idaho . A lot of hype , but when you get there , it was nothing more than a ridge climb . I caught up to the three guys taking a break before starting The Narrows , I chose to keep moving . For the most part The Narrows are not so narrow , there is a crack that is about a foot or so wide that you can walk in or the surrounding rock that gives plenty of room ( many feet ) to walk . To give you an idea on my descent I passed people breast - to - breast and didn 't even think about exposure . Stay on route and there shouldn 't be any issue . The Narrows leads to The Homestretch which is the last 300 feet of the climb . I can handle exposure , climbing crappy rock , but the one thing I hate is slick rock . In my mind that was what The Homestretch was . As Lee Corso says : not so fast my friend . The rock is slick , yes , but very manageable . There are many cracks that flow directly to the summit to ascend . This section is steep , but for the most part you can climb upright with a hand down here or there for balance . Don 't get intimidated by the hype yet again . I spent maybe 10 minutes ascending this section . This leads you right to the summit . At 7am I reached the summit , from the Keyhole it took me about 45 minutes . I had the summit all to myself , which I though was amazing considering the amount of people on route . The summit area is huge , a football field at least . I 'm not sure what it was , most likely a huge sense of accomplishment , but summiting Longs gave me one of the best feelings I 've had on a summit in a long time . I think it 's been one of those mountains I 've wanted to climb for so long , and mentally I probably thought it was beyond my ability . Not so much I guess . What a great climb , and a rewarding summit . I gave Kristi a quick call to let her know I was on the summit , guess I woke her up . The guys I passed on the narrows summited maybe 5 minutes after me . It was nice having my few minutes of solitude up there , but I enjoyed chatting with the group of three while I was up there . I walked around enjoying the views , I only wish I could take a decent picture , but I still have all the clear ones in my head . I was able to text Cole and let him know I was on top , so there is cell service ( AT & T ) at the summit . After about 20 minutes I started down . I wanted to beat the conga line down The Homestretch . I got lucky and there was only about 10 people on the ascent through The Homestretch , I was easily able to avoid them . Keeping your weight over your toes is the trick to not slipping on the slick rock . This worked for the most part , but I sure wouldn 't do this if the rock was wet . I almost wish I had a clicker to count the crazy amount of people along the route leading back to the Keyhole . Everyone wanted to know how far , how long , how scary it gets . I tried to be helpful and gave what information I could . The Trough was the busiest section . I had no problem passing people along the route , and I thought that would be rather difficult . Somewhere around 9am I made it back to the Keyhole and found Cole . We had a good time talking about my climb , and I took the time to eat and drink up . The hard part was over and we only had a 6 mile hike out . After a good rest we started our descent . This was one of the better descents I 've had in a while , there was great conversation with a good friend and the sense of accomplishment that fed me energy . We made good time and were back to the TH just after noon . Both of us had cold beer and pizza on our minds so maybe that was some added motivation to get back to the truck . Longs Peak is a great climb , if this is something on your list don 't get intimidated by the feature names . Get out there and give it a shot . The purpose of adventure is to live and learn , build your skills and then test them . The mountains are there for us , and they do give us a sense of freedom when we let them . Enjoy it … till next time . Plans to climb Mount Rainier started to materialize about a year ago when my friend Harsha extended me an invitation to join him . I previously climbed Rainier in 2008 with my Dad as part of the Summit for Someone program . I couldn 't head back up there without asking my Dad to join us ; he immediately said yes . Harsha planned on using the Rainier Mountaineering Incorporated ( RMI ) guide service , which was the same guide service I had used previously . I was more interested in doing a non - standard route , but with this being Harsha 's first climb on Rainier we selected the standard Disappointment Cleaver ( DC ) Route . Our climbing team would be composed of six other climbers that we would meet on our first day of the program . Over the year leading up to the climb , getting into climbing shape becomes the priority . Throughout the year I kept to my same workout routine , and would try and get my boots on the dirt as much as could on the weekends . I have the advantage of living in Colorado at an elevation of about 5 , 700 feet , so my primary concern was not the elevation on the mountain , but rather the technical elements that a glacier climb presents . We arrived in Ashford on the first of four days with RMI on Monday August 15th . On this day we met our guides and the other team members in the group . There is an overview of what will take place over the next few days , then there is a gear check to ensure each climber is adequately outfitted to climb the mountain . We found out our lead guide would be Jake in which he would have two assistant guides ; Jesse and Megan . Jake was an assistant guide on my trip in 2008 , so it was nice to see a familiar face . The rest of our team would be composed of the Callaway family . The Team Before I get too carried away with this report there is another aspect of the climb I would like to mention , and that is the development of relationships with our fellow teammates , the Callaways . The family included Mike , the father ; the four siblings : Andrew , Matt , Will , Amy and Neil which is Amy 's husband . The family is from Arkansas and a couple of them live in Kansas City , so they are very much flat landers . The Callaways have a great history of doing adventures together ; previously they have climbed Mount Hood , Pikes Peak and the Grand Teton , all very difficult challenges . I knew right away we were all going to get along and have a great experience together . I enjoyed getting to know them as we climbed the mountain together . Day two was mountaineering school . This was basically the introduction to techniques of mountaineering . I had been through this last time on the mountain , but it was good to get a refresher . You learn how to walk all over again , there are various walking techniques that make you more efficient on the mountain . After you have learned to walk , it 's time to learn to fall … in style as Jake would say . Learning to self - arrest is what can save your life on the upper mountain should you fall . You get a lot of practice falling in different ways . The remaining time is used working with rope travel . This shows you how to ascend and descend switchbacks and the proper length to keep between you and the climber in front of you . While you are in school you take a few 10 minute breaks throughout the day to get you prepared to manage yourself of the mountain . Time goes quickly , so you learn to eat , drink , medicate , and adjust layers and gear during these quick breaks . The climb to Muir is tomorrow , so the rest of the evening in Ashford is used re - packing bags , fueling and hydrating our bodies . Day three is all about making the ascent to Camp Muir . The climb starts from Paradise and covers about five miles and about 4 , 500 feet of vertical gain . We loaded up our big packs and hit the trail out of Paradise sometime after 9am . The first hour and a half stays on the trails surrounding Paradise , so some people chose to wear an approach shoe . I chose to climb in my mountaineering boots to avoid having to do a change during the ascent . The pace was very moderate , keeping to about 1 , 000 feet of vertical gain per hour . We took a ten minute break about every hour . This gave us enough time to fuel and hydrate up for the next stretch . We hit the Muir Snowfield after our first break and would remain on the snow for the remainder of the day . The goal of the day was to climb to Muir " in style . " This was an opportunity to work on all the techniques that we learned the previous day . The more efficient we could climb today , the easier our summit bid would be tomorrow . I 'm not sure how long it took us to get to Muir , but I would guess we arrived around 2pm . We had about an hour to rest and get moved into the sleeping hut before the guides came in to give us the low - down on how the rest of the day and tomorrows climb would be played out . With temperatures being fairly warm we knew we would have an early wake - up . The warmer temperatures heat up the ice which dislodges boulders down glaciers , so this is the reason to get more of the climb done while the mountain is ' sleeping ' . After packing for the summit climb we needed to fuel / hydrate , and try to get a nap in before the early wake - up . Most of us tried to fall asleep around 6pm figuring we would be up around 11pm for a long day . It didn 't sound like too many people got much sleep if any at all , but I felt like I got a few hours so I wasn 't feeling too bad . The guides woke us up at 11pm and we had one hour to fuel / hydrate and gear up for the day . It wasn 't too cold out , but as the night progressed we would be working into the coldest part of the night just before summiting . Jesse was guiding me and my Dad . Harsha unfortunately decided not to join us on a summit bid . He will be back at another time though . We met up with Jesse a little before midnight and soon started along the first stretch of the route . The climb starts by crossing the Cowlitz Glacier , and then ascends Cathedral Gap leading to our first break on Ingram Flats . This section is a bit over an hour long , and covers about 1 , 200 vertical feet . The crossing of the Cowlitz Glacier is a nice warm up before hitting the rock / dirt path up Cathedral Gap . Or the " brown stuff " as Will called it . I heard rock / ice falling a few times as we ascended . This keeps you very attentive even when your body is used to being asleep . Once we hit the rock we short - roped through the gap till reaching the Ingram Glacier . You go short - roped in order to prevent snagging and abrasion to the rope . This is a good idea , but also presents some difficulties when you are working your way through the boulders . Once we arrived at the Ingram Flats break I pulled out my parka and had my pop - tart waiting for me in the pocket . During the breaks the guides talk to each climber individually to monitor how they are doing . I found out the Amy and Neil had decided to turn back just before we were set to leave . On the way up to the flats Amy and Neil were on a rope with Mike which was guided by Megan . There was some swapping , where Megan became our guide and Mike was added as our anchor . The next stretch was the ascent of the DC , this is the crux of the climb in my opinion . This starts by traversing the Ingram Glacier to the base of the cleaver . I would say it was about 1 : 30am when we set off from the first break . Climbing the cleaver is no joy ride . You ascend wearing crampons climbing over 1 , 000 feet of crumbled rock . We were short - roped through this section , just like the Cathedral Gap section . Mike was having a rough go of it and at times I would be pulling the rope along with him . Megan could see this going on and when we got to the top of the cleaver for a break Mike had to make the decision to continue or descend . After he talked it over with the guides Mike made the decision to turn back . This broke my heart a little ; I know how hard each of us train for a climb like this , and it 's hard to make decisions like that when you are so close to attaining your goal . He made the decision , but in the end he chose what was best for the team and himself , I have a lot of respect for someone that can make that call . From the DC our team now consisted of the Arkansas boys , and me and the old man along with Jake and Megan . It was starting to get colder and windy , so I added on my third layer then we took off for high break , another hour and a thousand feet to go . On the way to high break you climb on the upper mountain . The route was steep and there was significant exposure as the boot pack wasn 't even wide enough for a mountaineering boot to fit across . I recall three or four running belays that are placed for added protection in zones where a fall has a higher probability or there would be no chance of team arrest . At one of the belay points I remembered looking over the edge into a crevasse that had no end . After a few belays we came to our first ladder crossing . Now , for all of you that have seen pictures of these from Everest , it wasn 't like that . . . but that doesn 't mean you don 't pucker up a bit . The crossings were maybe 6 - 8 feet across a crevasse with a couple of 2x6 boards attached onto the ladder to walk across . There was a rope to hold for balance , but if you fell you were going into the crevasse and your rope team was the only line of defense . High break is at about 13 , 500 feet on the face of the mountain . This was by far the coldest break . None of us were doing a good job of consuming calories at this point . It 's difficult when you are cold and tired to force any food down so we ate what we could . I chose to leave my parka on since it was so cold . About 30 minutes after leaving from the break I was heating up as the wind died down . I started unzipping what I could as we kept moving . This section went the fastest for me . I felt pretty good considering the situation . I recognizing the protruding crater rim rocks from my previous climb , so I knew we were close . A look behind us , we could see the deep red color on the horizon . Sunrise was within minutes . Our team made it into the crater we tossed our packs on the snow , let a few screams out and watched the sunrise over the horizon . I have seen my share of sunrises , but there is nothing that gets even close to experiencing one on Mount Rainier . We all took in the moment and the high fives and congratulations were making it though the team . I went over to the Arkansas boys and said : " Not bad for a bunch of guys from Arkansas . " These guys are climbers , no doubt in my mind . What an accomplishment ! We made our way to the true summit , which is called Columbia Crest . We signed the register as we climbed to the high point , it was neat being able to write down that this was my second summit . On the true summit we had the sun rising to the east and the moon setting to the west . That was something I had never experienced before . We took 10 minutes up there taking pictures and enjoying the surrounding views . We need to get back into the crater to our packs to fuel / hydrate as the climb was only half over . The descent can be the dangerous part when the mountain heats and becomes alive . We had about an hour on the top of the mountain so it was time for us to start making our descent . The trek down the mountain seemed to go by pretty fast . We didn 't take our first break till we reached the top of the DC . With the sun out we could get a good idea of what we climbed up during the dark hours of the early morning . Some of the crevasses that had ladder crossings had views of blue ice with no end . One area we crossed under a fairly large serac , and I thought to myself about the " motivator " that Ed Viesters describes from K2 . It was neat walking through this area , but I was glad to be out of what I considered an area of danger . Once we were on the DC , we took our crampons off for the descent to make our travels more efficient . This was a pretty nasty section , must like the ascent , but in about a half hour we had made it down to the Ingram Glacier where we put our crampons back on . We followed Megan 's zig - zags through the crevasse field till we made it to our break at the Ingram Flats . This was our last rest till getting back to Muir . We were able to swallow down the last of our water since we knew we had water waiting at camp . The last leg of the trek to Muir took about 45 minutes . We dropped over Cathedral Gap back onto the Cowlitz Glacier . As we got closer to camp we could hear the cheers of our fellow climbers that were waiting for us . It was nice to see our friends / family back at camp . They all made a tough decision to end their summit bids early , but I would not consider their attempts as failures . Each climb presents new challenges that you have to overcome , for a lot of people these are simply mental barriers . I think everyone got something out of this experience that they will be able to build off of for their next adventure . After chatting with everyone we had to get prepared for the next leg of the trip . We had an hour to get our big packs loaded up before heading down another 4 , 500 feet to Paradise . I took my boots off for what time I could . All my socks were damp or wet at this point so my heel blister needed taping again . I crammed all my gear into my bag , it was a mess . On our way down the Muir Snowfield we tried to ski - glissade when we could . The snow was pretty snow - cupped so it was a bit difficult to slide for too long . After a while we came across some glissade chutes , so I grabbed my garbage bag out and made a diaper out of it . This way I could cruise as far as possible down the mountain . The rest of the hike down to Paradise was more of a march . My feet and body were beat so it was all about getting off the mountain and unloading the heavy pack from my back . It was a relief to be off the mountain , summit day is one of the more exhausting experiences I 've had in the mountains . In all you gain near 5 , 000 feet and descend about 9 , 000 feet that day . Once we got down to Ashford our group dove into a 12 - pack of beer I had waiting in the truck . A nice luke warm beer and a cheeseburger sure hit the spot . It was nice to sit and talk with the others in our group about their experiences for the day and unwind a bit before the drive back to Portland . This climb I was in much better shape than I was eight years ago , but the mountain was much more difficult than I remembered . The route seemed narrower and steeper . The technical nature of the mountain was higher as the crevasses were more open requiring multiple ladder crossings and running belay protection points . So even though I was in better shape , this climb was more taxing and more rewarding at the same time . I was very thankful to be able to climb the two highest volcanoes in Washington over the week . I 'm motivated to keep in shape to continue climbing mountains back home in Colorado . A few times with different people during this trip we discussed the types of mountains we enjoy climbing the most . I did enjoy climbing Rainier , and am grateful to be able to climb it twice successfully , but in the end I do not prefer this type of mountaineering compared to what I do in Colorado . Though climbs like this may be more rewarding , I feel a lot of the experience is spent looking at a rope , and not enjoying the surroundings as much as I would like . I enjoy self - reliance as opposed to group - reliance , and being able to adventure more freely . I probably will not climb Rainier again , or even do roped mountaineering travel , they are just not my cup of tea . I am perfectly content with climbing mountains in Colorado and Idaho , there are plenty of challenges I have yet to face . Get out there and climb , and If you would like come climb with me , I am always in the search for a new adventure .
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We are now into October and it feels like an eternity since my last outing . I made myself a cushion with my school work so I could get a day out in the hills . I texted Cole and he was in . To keep the climb close to home we decided on Pettingell Peak . Pettingell is a mountain along the Continental Divide near the Loveland Ski Area . The route we used is the South Slopes route from 14ers . com . We varied it a bit in true " Karl " fashion , but more or less it was the same . I would suggest following our descent gpx track which is what has been attached to this report . The trail starts at the Herman Gulch TH . This is a popular place for hikers making their way to Herman Lake . Take exit 218 off of I - 70 . At the stop sign at the end of the off ramp take a hairpin right turn down a bumpy dirt road . This will lead you to the TH . There is a pit toilet there if you need it . We took the luxury of sleeping in on this trip . We met at 6am in Denver , and made the drive to the TH arriving just after 7am . The sun was starting to come up , so for this trip we didn 't need our headlamps . It was a brisk morning , so deciding on layers was a bit difficult . With winter looming over us it 's always hard to tell what you need . So , to be prepared I brought most of my cold weather gear just in case it got windy at the summit . There is a trail that leads you all the way to Herman Lake , I would say it is just over 3 miles . We moved pretty well up the trail , but there were sections of ice through quite a bit of the trees . We had micro spikes , but never needed them . Just as we were breaking tree line we took a break to put on some sun block . It seemed to get a bit chillier , but that may have just been the fact we were feeling the breeze for the first time . I continued just wearing my mid - weight base layer top . As we crested a small hill that looks over Herman Lake the winds picked up and we both decided to put on our shell jackets . The views of the Citadel were pretty amazing from here . That is a truly rugged peak , and I looks like a technical mixed climb with the current conditions . We saw the first two people of the day near the lake . The route takes you off trail at the lake and you make your way to the northern point where a rock field ramp so to speak will lead you towards the saddle on the western side of the summit . This section wasn 't difficult but it was tedious . There was enough snow in - between the rocks to piss you off a bit . Lower on the ramp the rocks were more consolidated which made stair stepping a good option , but the higher you get the smaller the boulders were and the more lose they became . Take this ramp all the way to the saddle . Don 't get lured by the summit and climb direct . I know , because that 's what we did . The slope is fairly steep on loose unconsolidated rock . We found out on the descent that the normal route is pretty solid for the most part . Since we were on the " Karl " route we just kept trucking up the crappy rock till we hit the eastern ridge . Once on the ridge we had a couple hundred feet climb to the west to make the summit . Just after 10am we were on the summit , so that was about a 3 hour ascent . You could probably shave some time off by taking the longer , more solid route to the west , but either way it 's not a bad climbing time . We were both shocked about how warm it felt on top . Cole never put a jacket on , but I threw on my puffy just because I had it . We cracked open a few summit beers , kind of a celebration for a solid climbing season . We both decided that cameras will never capture the true beauty the eye takes in while you 're in the mountains . This had one of the better , clearer views I 've seen this year . I 'm glad we were able to sneak this one in . We probably took a half hour on top before we started our descent . We headed down the standard route and were both pleasantly surprised how much more solid the rock was . It seemed like we were moving down the rocks pretty quickly and within an hour we were probably back to the lake . The lake was overcrowded with probably about 50 people . We took a small water break before heading down . Along the trail loads of people were heading up to the lake , this is a hot spot I guess . We were in high gear , trotting in some of the downhill sections . Just after 2pm we were back to the TH . This is a really nice climb . In the summer I would like to take the East Ridge route from the Continental Divide Trail and maybe add Hassell Peak . It would be interesting to do a Pettingell - Citadel - Hagar trifecta , but I 'm assuming it gets pretty technical . Worth looking into anyway . Well , it 's been a good season of climbing , and all good things must come to an end ( what a shitty cliché ) . I 've got a busy schedule ahead , so I hope some of you get out there and climb and share your stories with me for a change . Cheers ! When you think of the mountains of Colorado , Longs Peak is usually at the top of the list . I 'm not sure what the allure is about the mountain , perhaps that it 's a lone giant , the long history of ascents or that it is simply part of Rocky Mountain National Park . Living in the Denver metro area , Longs Peak is a part of the skyline to the north I see each day . Climbing Longs has been considered a classic and put on the list of many climbers , even before moving to Colorado I was aware of the allure of the mountain and was drawn to the idea of summiting it one day . I have been in Colorado for five years now and have for a long time contemplated the idea of Longs , on Thursday I convinced myself it was time to attempt the giant . Longs Peak in no way is an unobtainable mountain . In fact through this report I hope you see that it is not a hard or technical mountain to climb at all . I think the naming of many of the features such as the ledges , or the narrows that create a lot of concern for people . I 'm not sure exactly why I put it off so long , but I like to tell myself it was because of the route being nearly 15 miles and having to start around 2am . Over the past two weeks I couldn 't decide what mountain to climb , but the idea of Longs was always there . Late in the week I texted Cole and told him I decided on Longs and he agreed to join me , even though that required a midnight wake - up . The Longs Peak parking lot is notorious for filling up before 2am on any weekend . Even though the weather was going to be clear , we wanted to avoid as much of the traffic on the trail and still be able to park in the main lot . We decided a 3am start would work for us . I left my place at 12 : 30am and picked up Cole . The TH is located off of HWY 7 that runs in - between Lyons and Estes Park . We arrived around 2 : 30 am and snagged the last spot in the main parking lot . As we were gearing up at the TH the temps were very cold and the wind was breezy . I decided to pack my heavier parka instead of my light one , which was a wise decision . We didn 't take too much time and were off along the trail by 2 : 45am . I was feeling pretty good considering the hour and lack of sleep . I told Cole to let me know if my pace got out - of - hand , he never complains and always keeps up . I had set break points along the route so I could ration my water / food , wanting only to carry only what was necessary . The pace was more on the fast end , where we hit the Chasm Lake junction in an hour and half covering about 3 miles and 2 , 000ft . We took ten minutes to take in some fuel / water . The parkas were much needed as the wind was howling . The one bonus were the stars , you could not quite see the full Milky Way , but with a little less headlamp pollution it may have come through . I could not get a picture to come out showing the headlamp trail from all the climbers , but it looked like I70 on a ski weekend in the dark . The next break was the Keyhole . The Keyhole is where the trailed section of the trip ends , about 6 miles into the climb . My goal was to be there for sunrise at about 6 : 30am , so far we were moving better than expected so I was confident we would make it to the Keyhole for the sunrise . From the Chasm Lake junction there is a long traverse to Granite Pass . From the pass there was almost a paved path of granite slabs , quite unusual , but made our travel very efficient . Not long after the pass the boulder field starts . We could gauge where landmarks were in the dark based on the line of headlamps in front of us . There is a trail through most of the boulder field , but good luck keeping to it in the dark . We probably made better time hiking more directly towards the headlamps just under the Keyhole than staying to a meandering trail anyway . We arrived at the Keyhole about 6am and the winds were howling at what felt like at least 40mph . There is a memorial shelter just below the Keyhole and it was packed with people . I found a hole for us to crawl into so we could take in some calories . We started to freeze from the wind almost instantly , I wanted to see how Cole was feeling about moving along the route . He decided to stay at the Keyhole and I would push on the summit by myself . I knew I needed to get moving before I got any colder . Even though I wanted to stay and see the sunrise I knew I had to get a move on it . I put on my helmet and took off on the ledges . For the scramble part of the route I had an idea of what to expect , but you never really know what it 's like till you are there . I figured it was a thousand feet over about a mile , so I planned on about an hour and a half to get to the summit . There are four sections : The Ledges , Trough , Narrows and The Homestretch . I started out along The Ledges with nobody in sight as most people were apprehensive to continue with the windy conditions . There are bullseyes along the route to follow which takes a lot of the challenge of a class 3 route away . Since I was running solo , I was almost on a trot during some sections as I didn 't want Cole to have to wait out the cold winds longer than was necessary . I 'll be honest , The Ledges are a cakewalk . But bear in mind I have quite a bit of experience , for someone that is more accustom to trails they would not see it as I do . For the most part I thought there was a trail , where you would occasionally pull yourself up over a rock , nothing to get concerned about . I would say The Ledges took me 10 - 15 minutes max , and this section leads to The Trough . The Trough is as bad as the word sounds . By far the worst part of the climb . It was not difficult or dangerous , just annoying . As one would expect with a high mountain gully there was a lot of loose rock to deal with . Lucky for me there was only one group a few hundred feet above me and nobody below me . I would recommend a helmet just in case someone knocks down rocks , but I didn 't have to worry about that in my case . The crux of the climb in my opinion is the climb up the rock that takes you out of The Trough . It 's not that difficult , but it is something that you should take care with on the ascent . Once over the crux The Narrows begins . I want to say I was looking forward to The Narrows . Don 't get your hopes up , it 's a disappointment , or at least it was for me . This section reminded me of the hype for Chicken Out Ridge on Mount Borah in Idaho . A lot of hype , but when you get there , it was nothing more than a ridge climb . I caught up to the three guys taking a break before starting The Narrows , I chose to keep moving . For the most part The Narrows are not so narrow , there is a crack that is about a foot or so wide that you can walk in or the surrounding rock that gives plenty of room ( many feet ) to walk . To give you an idea on my descent I passed people breast - to - breast and didn 't even think about exposure . Stay on route and there shouldn 't be any issue . The Narrows leads to The Homestretch which is the last 300 feet of the climb . I can handle exposure , climbing crappy rock , but the one thing I hate is slick rock . In my mind that was what The Homestretch was . As Lee Corso says : not so fast my friend . The rock is slick , yes , but very manageable . There are many cracks that flow directly to the summit to ascend . This section is steep , but for the most part you can climb upright with a hand down here or there for balance . Don 't get intimidated by the hype yet again . I spent maybe 10 minutes ascending this section . This leads you right to the summit . At 7am I reached the summit , from the Keyhole it took me about 45 minutes . I had the summit all to myself , which I though was amazing considering the amount of people on route . The summit area is huge , a football field at least . I 'm not sure what it was , most likely a huge sense of accomplishment , but summiting Longs gave me one of the best feelings I 've had on a summit in a long time . I think it 's been one of those mountains I 've wanted to climb for so long , and mentally I probably thought it was beyond my ability . Not so much I guess . What a great climb , and a rewarding summit . I gave Kristi a quick call to let her know I was on the summit , guess I woke her up . The guys I passed on the narrows summited maybe 5 minutes after me . It was nice having my few minutes of solitude up there , but I enjoyed chatting with the group of three while I was up there . I walked around enjoying the views , I only wish I could take a decent picture , but I still have all the clear ones in my head . I was able to text Cole and let him know I was on top , so there is cell service ( AT & T ) at the summit . After about 20 minutes I started down . I wanted to beat the conga line down The Homestretch . I got lucky and there was only about 10 people on the ascent through The Homestretch , I was easily able to avoid them . Keeping your weight over your toes is the trick to not slipping on the slick rock . This worked for the most part , but I sure wouldn 't do this if the rock was wet . I almost wish I had a clicker to count the crazy amount of people along the route leading back to the Keyhole . Everyone wanted to know how far , how long , how scary it gets . I tried to be helpful and gave what information I could . The Trough was the busiest section . I had no problem passing people along the route , and I thought that would be rather difficult . Somewhere around 9am I made it back to the Keyhole and found Cole . We had a good time talking about my climb , and I took the time to eat and drink up . The hard part was over and we only had a 6 mile hike out . After a good rest we started our descent . This was one of the better descents I 've had in a while , there was great conversation with a good friend and the sense of accomplishment that fed me energy . We made good time and were back to the TH just after noon . Both of us had cold beer and pizza on our minds so maybe that was some added motivation to get back to the truck . Longs Peak is a great climb , if this is something on your list don 't get intimidated by the feature names . Get out there and give it a shot . The purpose of adventure is to live and learn , build your skills and then test them . The mountains are there for us , and they do give us a sense of freedom when we let them . Enjoy it … till next time . Plans to climb Mount Rainier started to materialize about a year ago when my friend Harsha extended me an invitation to join him . I previously climbed Rainier in 2008 with my Dad as part of the Summit for Someone program . I couldn 't head back up there without asking my Dad to join us ; he immediately said yes . Harsha planned on using the Rainier Mountaineering Incorporated ( RMI ) guide service , which was the same guide service I had used previously . I was more interested in doing a non - standard route , but with this being Harsha 's first climb on Rainier we selected the standard Disappointment Cleaver ( DC ) Route . Our climbing team would be composed of six other climbers that we would meet on our first day of the program . Over the year leading up to the climb , getting into climbing shape becomes the priority . Throughout the year I kept to my same workout routine , and would try and get my boots on the dirt as much as could on the weekends . I have the advantage of living in Colorado at an elevation of about 5 , 700 feet , so my primary concern was not the elevation on the mountain , but rather the technical elements that a glacier climb presents . We arrived in Ashford on the first of four days with RMI on Monday August 15th . On this day we met our guides and the other team members in the group . There is an overview of what will take place over the next few days , then there is a gear check to ensure each climber is adequately outfitted to climb the mountain . We found out our lead guide would be Jake in which he would have two assistant guides ; Jesse and Megan . Jake was an assistant guide on my trip in 2008 , so it was nice to see a familiar face . The rest of our team would be composed of the Callaway family . The Team Before I get too carried away with this report there is another aspect of the climb I would like to mention , and that is the development of relationships with our fellow teammates , the Callaways . The family included Mike , the father ; the four siblings : Andrew , Matt , Will , Amy and Neil which is Amy 's husband . The family is from Arkansas and a couple of them live in Kansas City , so they are very much flat landers . The Callaways have a great history of doing adventures together ; previously they have climbed Mount Hood , Pikes Peak and the Grand Teton , all very difficult challenges . I knew right away we were all going to get along and have a great experience together . I enjoyed getting to know them as we climbed the mountain together . Day two was mountaineering school . This was basically the introduction to techniques of mountaineering . I had been through this last time on the mountain , but it was good to get a refresher . You learn how to walk all over again , there are various walking techniques that make you more efficient on the mountain . After you have learned to walk , it 's time to learn to fall … in style as Jake would say . Learning to self - arrest is what can save your life on the upper mountain should you fall . You get a lot of practice falling in different ways . The remaining time is used working with rope travel . This shows you how to ascend and descend switchbacks and the proper length to keep between you and the climber in front of you . While you are in school you take a few 10 minute breaks throughout the day to get you prepared to manage yourself of the mountain . Time goes quickly , so you learn to eat , drink , medicate , and adjust layers and gear during these quick breaks . The climb to Muir is tomorrow , so the rest of the evening in Ashford is used re - packing bags , fueling and hydrating our bodies . Day three is all about making the ascent to Camp Muir . The climb starts from Paradise and covers about five miles and about 4 , 500 feet of vertical gain . We loaded up our big packs and hit the trail out of Paradise sometime after 9am . The first hour and a half stays on the trails surrounding Paradise , so some people chose to wear an approach shoe . I chose to climb in my mountaineering boots to avoid having to do a change during the ascent . The pace was very moderate , keeping to about 1 , 000 feet of vertical gain per hour . We took a ten minute break about every hour . This gave us enough time to fuel and hydrate up for the next stretch . We hit the Muir Snowfield after our first break and would remain on the snow for the remainder of the day . The goal of the day was to climb to Muir " in style . " This was an opportunity to work on all the techniques that we learned the previous day . The more efficient we could climb today , the easier our summit bid would be tomorrow . I 'm not sure how long it took us to get to Muir , but I would guess we arrived around 2pm . We had about an hour to rest and get moved into the sleeping hut before the guides came in to give us the low - down on how the rest of the day and tomorrows climb would be played out . With temperatures being fairly warm we knew we would have an early wake - up . The warmer temperatures heat up the ice which dislodges boulders down glaciers , so this is the reason to get more of the climb done while the mountain is ' sleeping ' . After packing for the summit climb we needed to fuel / hydrate , and try to get a nap in before the early wake - up . Most of us tried to fall asleep around 6pm figuring we would be up around 11pm for a long day . It didn 't sound like too many people got much sleep if any at all , but I felt like I got a few hours so I wasn 't feeling too bad . The guides woke us up at 11pm and we had one hour to fuel / hydrate and gear up for the day . It wasn 't too cold out , but as the night progressed we would be working into the coldest part of the night just before summiting . Jesse was guiding me and my Dad . Harsha unfortunately decided not to join us on a summit bid . He will be back at another time though . We met up with Jesse a little before midnight and soon started along the first stretch of the route . The climb starts by crossing the Cowlitz Glacier , and then ascends Cathedral Gap leading to our first break on Ingram Flats . This section is a bit over an hour long , and covers about 1 , 200 vertical feet . The crossing of the Cowlitz Glacier is a nice warm up before hitting the rock / dirt path up Cathedral Gap . Or the " brown stuff " as Will called it . I heard rock / ice falling a few times as we ascended . This keeps you very attentive even when your body is used to being asleep . Once we hit the rock we short - roped through the gap till reaching the Ingram Glacier . You go short - roped in order to prevent snagging and abrasion to the rope . This is a good idea , but also presents some difficulties when you are working your way through the boulders . Once we arrived at the Ingram Flats break I pulled out my parka and had my pop - tart waiting for me in the pocket . During the breaks the guides talk to each climber individually to monitor how they are doing . I found out the Amy and Neil had decided to turn back just before we were set to leave . On the way up to the flats Amy and Neil were on a rope with Mike which was guided by Megan . There was some swapping , where Megan became our guide and Mike was added as our anchor . The next stretch was the ascent of the DC , this is the crux of the climb in my opinion . This starts by traversing the Ingram Glacier to the base of the cleaver . I would say it was about 1 : 30am when we set off from the first break . Climbing the cleaver is no joy ride . You ascend wearing crampons climbing over 1 , 000 feet of crumbled rock . We were short - roped through this section , just like the Cathedral Gap section . Mike was having a rough go of it and at times I would be pulling the rope along with him . Megan could see this going on and when we got to the top of the cleaver for a break Mike had to make the decision to continue or descend . After he talked it over with the guides Mike made the decision to turn back . This broke my heart a little ; I know how hard each of us train for a climb like this , and it 's hard to make decisions like that when you are so close to attaining your goal . He made the decision , but in the end he chose what was best for the team and himself , I have a lot of respect for someone that can make that call . From the DC our team now consisted of the Arkansas boys , and me and the old man along with Jake and Megan . It was starting to get colder and windy , so I added on my third layer then we took off for high break , another hour and a thousand feet to go . On the way to high break you climb on the upper mountain . The route was steep and there was significant exposure as the boot pack wasn 't even wide enough for a mountaineering boot to fit across . I recall three or four running belays that are placed for added protection in zones where a fall has a higher probability or there would be no chance of team arrest . At one of the belay points I remembered looking over the edge into a crevasse that had no end . After a few belays we came to our first ladder crossing . Now , for all of you that have seen pictures of these from Everest , it wasn 't like that . . . but that doesn 't mean you don 't pucker up a bit . The crossings were maybe 6 - 8 feet across a crevasse with a couple of 2x6 boards attached onto the ladder to walk across . There was a rope to hold for balance , but if you fell you were going into the crevasse and your rope team was the only line of defense . High break is at about 13 , 500 feet on the face of the mountain . This was by far the coldest break . None of us were doing a good job of consuming calories at this point . It 's difficult when you are cold and tired to force any food down so we ate what we could . I chose to leave my parka on since it was so cold . About 30 minutes after leaving from the break I was heating up as the wind died down . I started unzipping what I could as we kept moving . This section went the fastest for me . I felt pretty good considering the situation . I recognizing the protruding crater rim rocks from my previous climb , so I knew we were close . A look behind us , we could see the deep red color on the horizon . Sunrise was within minutes . Our team made it into the crater we tossed our packs on the snow , let a few screams out and watched the sunrise over the horizon . I have seen my share of sunrises , but there is nothing that gets even close to experiencing one on Mount Rainier . We all took in the moment and the high fives and congratulations were making it though the team . I went over to the Arkansas boys and said : " Not bad for a bunch of guys from Arkansas . " These guys are climbers , no doubt in my mind . What an accomplishment ! We made our way to the true summit , which is called Columbia Crest . We signed the register as we climbed to the high point , it was neat being able to write down that this was my second summit . On the true summit we had the sun rising to the east and the moon setting to the west . That was something I had never experienced before . We took 10 minutes up there taking pictures and enjoying the surrounding views . We need to get back into the crater to our packs to fuel / hydrate as the climb was only half over . The descent can be the dangerous part when the mountain heats and becomes alive . We had about an hour on the top of the mountain so it was time for us to start making our descent . The trek down the mountain seemed to go by pretty fast . We didn 't take our first break till we reached the top of the DC . With the sun out we could get a good idea of what we climbed up during the dark hours of the early morning . Some of the crevasses that had ladder crossings had views of blue ice with no end . One area we crossed under a fairly large serac , and I thought to myself about the " motivator " that Ed Viesters describes from K2 . It was neat walking through this area , but I was glad to be out of what I considered an area of danger . Once we were on the DC , we took our crampons off for the descent to make our travels more efficient . This was a pretty nasty section , must like the ascent , but in about a half hour we had made it down to the Ingram Glacier where we put our crampons back on . We followed Megan 's zig - zags through the crevasse field till we made it to our break at the Ingram Flats . This was our last rest till getting back to Muir . We were able to swallow down the last of our water since we knew we had water waiting at camp . The last leg of the trek to Muir took about 45 minutes . We dropped over Cathedral Gap back onto the Cowlitz Glacier . As we got closer to camp we could hear the cheers of our fellow climbers that were waiting for us . It was nice to see our friends / family back at camp . They all made a tough decision to end their summit bids early , but I would not consider their attempts as failures . Each climb presents new challenges that you have to overcome , for a lot of people these are simply mental barriers . I think everyone got something out of this experience that they will be able to build off of for their next adventure . After chatting with everyone we had to get prepared for the next leg of the trip . We had an hour to get our big packs loaded up before heading down another 4 , 500 feet to Paradise . I took my boots off for what time I could . All my socks were damp or wet at this point so my heel blister needed taping again . I crammed all my gear into my bag , it was a mess . On our way down the Muir Snowfield we tried to ski - glissade when we could . The snow was pretty snow - cupped so it was a bit difficult to slide for too long . After a while we came across some glissade chutes , so I grabbed my garbage bag out and made a diaper out of it . This way I could cruise as far as possible down the mountain . The rest of the hike down to Paradise was more of a march . My feet and body were beat so it was all about getting off the mountain and unloading the heavy pack from my back . It was a relief to be off the mountain , summit day is one of the more exhausting experiences I 've had in the mountains . In all you gain near 5 , 000 feet and descend about 9 , 000 feet that day . Once we got down to Ashford our group dove into a 12 - pack of beer I had waiting in the truck . A nice luke warm beer and a cheeseburger sure hit the spot . It was nice to sit and talk with the others in our group about their experiences for the day and unwind a bit before the drive back to Portland . This climb I was in much better shape than I was eight years ago , but the mountain was much more difficult than I remembered . The route seemed narrower and steeper . The technical nature of the mountain was higher as the crevasses were more open requiring multiple ladder crossings and running belay protection points . So even though I was in better shape , this climb was more taxing and more rewarding at the same time . I was very thankful to be able to climb the two highest volcanoes in Washington over the week . I 'm motivated to keep in shape to continue climbing mountains back home in Colorado . A few times with different people during this trip we discussed the types of mountains we enjoy climbing the most . I did enjoy climbing Rainier , and am grateful to be able to climb it twice successfully , but in the end I do not prefer this type of mountaineering compared to what I do in Colorado . Though climbs like this may be more rewarding , I feel a lot of the experience is spent looking at a rope , and not enjoying the surroundings as much as I would like . I enjoy self - reliance as opposed to group - reliance , and being able to adventure more freely . I probably will not climb Rainier again , or even do roped mountaineering travel , they are just not my cup of tea . I am perfectly content with climbing mountains in Colorado and Idaho , there are plenty of challenges I have yet to face . Get out there and climb , and If you would like come climb with me , I am always in the search for a new adventure .
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Yes , it is that time again , November 21st . Four years ago we adopted Ebony & Sneakers from the Seattle Humane Society - Ebony and Sneakers . They were not in great shape with Ebony having Giardia . They had been at the Humane Society for 4 months . Both needed to learn to trust us and it has taken a long time with Sneakers being the bolder one . Ebony was depressed and it took a long time to get him to even like catnip . Now … Sneakers has his tail in the air and up 98 % of the time . It is down only when he hears thunder . He is doing well although he refuses to eat the kidney prescription diet so I am trying for cat food that is low in phosphorous . I am also changing from the regular cat food Friskies Mixed Grill and trying other canned foods . I am mixing it up . So far they has rejected Wellness and EVO canned foods . The point is to get him to eat the food . If you have a cat with kidney issues go here and be prepared to read : Tanya 's Comprehensive Guide to Feline Chronic Kidney Disease http : / / www . felinecrf . org / She has a list of foods and their phosphorous levels and other ingredients . It takes awhile to get use to the site , so go slow and take your time . It is packed with information . Ebony just went to the vet last Saturday and he is doing great . He has a cyst on the right side of his neck and it was small last year and started to grow . The vet treated it and removed the fluid and he is okay - no cancer . The vet called last Monday and Ebony 's senior blood panel looked good but he did have one part elevated . Sorry but I don 't remember the exact name of the blood reading . It is associated with either parasites in his intestines or allergies . I opt for allergies . I have stopped giving him cat food with fish in it but that is very hard because the companies really like using it as an ingredient . I was just looking at Wysong Chicken and fish was the second ingredient . It is supposed to be low phosphorus although Ebony does not have kidney problems . It is just easier to feed both the same foods . Meanwhile , I had to pick up this medicine for Ebony and give it to him for 3 days ( Pancour Suspension ) . It comes in a plastic bottle about six inches tall with 6 six - inch syringes in it ( 3 . 5ml ) . I give him the medicine for 3 days and then wait for three weeks and give him three more doses . Sigh ! This photo is a little fuzzy but it gives you the idea of what I am dealing with . Ebony is not easy , he is very skittish . The last time we took him to the vet it took us a good 45 minutes to corral him and get him into the cat carrier . All of us were not happy . This time I was more confident for I had been picking him up and cuddling him in our morning petting sessions and he was okay with it . I would lift him onto my knees and hold him close loving him . A hug if you will and just for a minute and then release him . I have been getting him use to me petting him in the morning when he is on the Futon and he doesn 't get up and run away . This time I did my greeting with my fingers and let him sniff me and then I gently picked him up and made it to the kitchen were hubby was waiting to close the door if I didn 't get him into the cat carrier . I WAS AWESOME ! In he went into the carrier and I had the secured in seconds . DONE ! It was one of the better take Ebony to the vet sessions yet . HA ! YIPPEE ! He hollered the whole way to the vet . He was pretty intimidated in the exam room but he was okay . They were able to do all they needed to and returned him quickly . We were back home within an hour and he was a little skittish for a while but about 2 - 3 hours later he was asking me for food and wanting attention . So this visit to the vet went very well . I have been trying to put the medicine into his food and it is requiring that I really watch him eat and monitor him carefully . It is a lot of medicine and this is not the best way but trying to hold him and give it to him in his mouth is also not a great way either . It might traumatized him and us and we actually might lose all the ground of trust we have built . The most important part is that they are happy cats . Sneakers plays with the loopy toy and whacks his fuzzy balls around . He scampers through the living room on occasion . His tail is up at least 98 % of the time except when there is thunder . At the moment he is sitting on my left on the desk platform drawer and his paw comes up and reaches out . I can reach over and pet him and he squeaks . We have this plastic roller cart with a step stool and he can climb up and lay on it near me while I work on the computer at my desk . He isn 't Minx who would actually sit on the desk within inches of me and whack me really hard with her paw . Sneakers paw is a lot gentler and he is so patient waiting for me to pay attention to him . They were piled on top of me the other night on the Futon and cuddled close . This time Ebony curled up in front of me as I lay on my side and that is good because he is heavy about 15 + lbs . Second main human was talking and that usually triggers Ebony to run but he stayed put . Hopefully he is learning that our talking is not a bad thing ? ? Ebony was being very curious last night and was whacking a piece of straw that came down from some Halloween decorations I had . We usually don 't see him play like that . Cool ! Sneakers keeps finding intruders in the backyard a couple of cats I don 't recognize but not serious confrontations . He hears me say no and actually stops and looks at the stranger cat . Now if it was Puffer the stranger cat would be in BIG Trouble ! They usually run off so we are good . It amazes me how fast Sneakers knows that something is not right . I barely get the backdoor open and he is on alert in less than a second . Saturday last I had a party and so I decided to put Sneakers and Ebony in the bedroom with the door closed . I put a litter box , water and food . The guests arrived about 11 and left around 2 pm . I didn 't want them to leave something open and chance having the cats get into trouble . Things were going great until one guest mentioned that he scattered the cats ? So I went in to investigate . Somebody opened the louvered door ? Sitting in the middle of the living room was Ebony . Sneakers was no where in sight ! Ebony knows more than he lets on . I had to corral him and get him back to the bedroom until the last guests left . It made it easier for me not to worry about them . Today it was time to give them there flea meds . Ebony is the hardest and it is usually traumatic for me and my hubby . He then hides out for several days . I was well past the proper time for giving the meds so I really needed to do it ! Ebony , Sneakers and I have a morning time together . I feed them , do my chores and then come with a cup of coffee and catnip and we sit and I pet them , mostly Ebony . He has gotten use to this ritual . Once in a while I pick him up . I am trying to get him to relax and get comfortable . Today he was relaxed after his catnip . He was lying down on his belly facing away from me . I gently placed my hand on his neck applying a little pressure then took it away and petted him . He didn 't seem too concerned and stayed quiet . So I decided to give it a try . I took the flea med vial and carefully hide it behind me . I then punched it using the cap to poke a hole in the neck of the vial behind my back . I then put my left hand back on his neck and moved as quick as possible . I squeezed the vial with one good push on the back of his neck . He didn 't respond right away . I immediately let go and he took off into the bedroom quickly . SUCCESS ! I did it ! Once I had done Ebony , I then proceeded to give the flea meds to Sneakers and he was a little unhappy but so much easier . DONE with Flea Meds till next month , YIPPE ! Sneakers had been having trouble jumping up on furniture like the Futon , chair and the bed . This concerned me . It was also time for a check up and shots . So last Tuesday I scheduled the appointment and prepared . When the time came to get Sneakers into the cat carrier I was ready with everything . I had the car door opened and the cat carrier set up with a rubber mat and a big towel to give him some traction in the carrier . I brought the cat carrier into the kitchen and went into the living room and gently picked him up and walked back to the kitchen and lowered him into the top . He knew something was up but he was very good and I was able to close the top and secure it . Boy is he heavy . It was not easy to carry the cat carrier with his weight . So I stopped and readjusted using both hands . I placed him in the passenger seat next to me and put the door that is a grill towards me so he could see me and smell me . He protested all the way to the vet which is about 1 miles . I use Cascade Pets in north Seattle on Aurora near the SAM 's club . I have been with them for years . They have had three vets : Dr . Thomas , Dr . Hanson and now Dr . Rudolf . All very nice ladies . I have a link to them on the right side of this blog . The first to come into the room was the assistant . She weighed him and he was 16 lbs . Later Dr . Rudolf came in and examine the area on his back where he had his surgery . There was a small piece of the big lump left but it was not growing . She was glad . So Sneakers got his shots , his nails trimmed , his ears and eyes checked , a senior blood panel and a trim under his tail because of his long hair . We returned home and I put the cat carrier on the back porch and opened the top and he jumped right out . It took him a few hours to finally get some sleep . He is still having trouble jumping up ? The following day the vet called and said that his blood work was excellent . So Sneakers has a clean bill of health . Unfortunately he has a cavity and that tooth will probably have to come out at some point . Now I have to decide if Sneakers gets the tooth pulled which means he will probably have to be put under anesthetic or have Ebony get his checkup first ? TagsCat Carriers , cat toys , cat treats , Cat Trees , catnip , hairball medicine , scratch posts This is a continuation of the checklist for adopting a cat that I began in the previous post dated April 11 , 2010 . I was trying to strive to make life a little easier for someone considering to adopt a cat or cats . Comfy Chair and the Window 9 . Cat Trees can be expensive , so you can really do your homework and find something within your budget . Indoor cats need stimulation and exercise and also a place to hang out . I talked a little about them in my posted dated March 27 , 2010 at : https : / / bonmac . wordpress . com / tag / cat - trees / 10 . Ebony is enjoying his cat tree and they use it as scratch post which is essential for a cat or they will use your furniture . 11 . Cat Litter , cat litter scoup and cat litter boxes are a necessity . I bought a Litter Locker to handle the smells was probably an added expense . I am happy I purchased it . Don 't forget plastic bags to dispose of the used litter . 12 . Cat toys can get pricey so choose carefully and return if necessary . I had one break on me and the cats didn 't really like it . Observe your cat first and see what they might like before you buy . You can also go online and learn how to make cat toys from paper , string and other items . I like to use empty thread spools . They can play " hockey puck " with them . Cat Toys for Free : 13 . Cat Carrier 's can be expensive so you need to do some research and see what you like and need . I have one I have used for years but it is getting old . With the two cats I needed a good sturdy second one . This also opens from the top which I like . I felt it was a good idea to have two so if there was an emergency and we ever had to leave the house for some reason . My post on cat carriers February 23 , 2010 : https : / / bonmac . wordpress . com / tag / cat - carriers / 14 . Cat dishes need to be easy to clean . Nothing worse than have to scrub the dish after the food has dried . My hubbie found some small cheap plates that are white and smooth and they clean up great . I did buy some small silver bowls with rubber on the bottom for the munchies . I really like them . They were at Petco . 15 . Treats are tricky . Sneakers likes the Pounce I bought him . I was finding other natural treats like the jerky just didn 't work . Pet stores might give you samples so ask and then you can try them out . Observe your cat and try different foods to see what they might like . Here is a list at About . com about what not to feed your cat : http : / / cats . about . com / cs / catfood / a / humanfood . htm 16 . Catnip is so much fun to give your cat . We have natural catnip that is growing out in the garden from when Puffer was with us . Sneakers really likes it and now I see that Ebony is starting to enjoy it too . My hubbie used it to get Puffer to learn to accept the brush for grooming . It worked . 17 . Cat food : I have discovered that Ebony reacts to the fish in these products with stinky poop . I like to feed moist cat food pate style and then some crunchies on the side . There are a lot of natural type foods out there so you might have to do some serious homework and then see if your cat will cooperate and eat the food . 18 . Brushes for grooming are what you think your cat will like and is willing to accept . 19 . Hairball medicine which I get from my vet called : Laxatone . It comes in flavors . I put it in the refrigerator otherwise it is really gooey . I put a little on my finger and try for their front paws . The objective it to get them to lick it off their fur or paw in order to the medicine to work . I have had great success with my other animals . Ebony and Sneakers are getting use to this " paw medicine . " Unfortunately , they need it . I do get crunchies with hairball in it and their treats also have hairball on the label . Still they need something else . Here is an interesting article on Laxatone and how to give it to your cat . Also a little more about feeding a cat in which this person is pretty proactive . Remember you can always ask your friends if they have extra cat toys they don 't want , extra cat supplies they don 't need and you will be surprised at how quickly they will respond to help you out . Keep and eye out at yard sales and try online for special deals . I did . Get everything ready : Get dressed , put on your shoes , collect your keys , and wallet / purse . Instruct your spouse / children / friend on what is happening if they are going to help . Go out to the car and prepare the car by putting the things you need to the car . You can turn on the engine and warm the car if you need to . Decide where you are going to put the cat carrier in the car . I like to put them next to me on the passenger seat when I am alone . I can then put my hand on the cat carrier , talk to the animal . This time I climbed into the side area of our van . THEY KNOW ! They will escape , disappear , run and hide ! You have to be smarter and quicker . DO NOT PULL THE CAT CARRIER OUT TILL THE LAST POSSIBLE MOMENT ! You will need to close off escape routes . Try reducing their area of escape to the bathroom or kitchen . Preferably a location in your home that does not have places they can hide making it difficult to pick them up . If your cat goes outside , close of the outside exit . If you have help one person can hold the cat carrier and open the door while you put the cat into the carrier . Face first through the cat door . Give them a gentle but firm nudge . Close the door carefully watching that you don 't catch their tail . Make sure you plan enough time to try again if things go wrong . Everything went great with Ebony and Sneakers . I couldn 't believe how quick we were able to get them into the cat carriers . The trick I learned from the lady at the Seattle Humane Society was a great tip . She put my cat carrier ( see picture above ) on is short flat back and opened the door and dropped Sneakers into it . Worked great . Again Sneakers didn 't like being in the cat carrier he tried to bust out . I keep a careful eye on him . Ebony was scrunched on the floor and I just picked him up . I think he was so surprised he didn 't realize what was happening . When you put them in the cat carrier into the car make sure it is secure . I put a towel over my old cat carrier to keep the animal warm . It is open in its design so the towel is a way to offer them a hiding place yet still have enough viewing area to look out if they want . A good strong sturdy cat carrier is a great investment . I have my old version ( picture above ) and a new one that has a door in the top . You can see the light coming in on the side so it has good venting . The door is a little tricky and you have to make sure you lack it carefully . I also put an old clean towel in the bottom to given them something soft to sit on . An old plastic mat can give them some traction on the bottom . It has to be flat . Brand New Cat Carrier Now if you have a kitten or a well trained cat you could get your pet use to all this by practicing with them . I did not have that luxury with Ebony and Sneakers . As time goes on they will start to trust me and it will get easier ( I hope ) because I will probably only take one at a time to the vet . I can then concentrate on that animal and give them all my attention . Off we went to the vet ! Share this : GoogleFacebookTwitterPinterestPrintEmailLike this : Like Loading . . . Thoughts about Cats … " Thousands of years ago , cats were worshipped as gods . Cats have never forgotten this . " Anonymous Blog Anniversary This blog was started on February 6 , 2010 . I am most proud of sharing how to recover an expensive cat gym / scratching post . I hope it has helped a lot of you viewers . This blog was for fun and the share my experiences with my cats and caring for pets . Copyright © 2010 - 2017 Bonnie Jean MacDonald . All rights reserved . 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Parenting With Puke : and Other Food Issues Mania and Matricide : It 's Not OK Drowning in Trauma Emotions : Mine or Hers ? What Are We Fighting For ? We Survived ! : Adventures in the First Year of Adoption If I Die Before I Wake Furniture in the First Degree : Adventures in the Rage of a Traumatized Child Where There is Hope : Psychiatric Service Dogs Having Sex and Skipping Homework : 10 Tips for the First Year of Adoption Follow Blog via Email I 've been waiting for the other shoe to drop . Ever since Marcus left our house , at 17 , I 've been waiting . For awhile he seemed to soldier on as a foster kid in the custody of the Department of Children and Families . He was almost 18 . Would he voluntarily sign himself in to DCF care at 18 ? Would he stay in his foster home and finish high school ? Would he drop out and leave ? Would he finally stabilize emotionally and make good decisions ? In the world of DCF teenagers are often on the " independent living " track . And it sucks . Sorry , but this is true . Without a family , navigating in the world is difficult . Period . After the termination of parental rights , a teen can get adopted , enter into a guardianship arrangement , or enter into this track . The independent track even comes with a brochure . It promises to help teens work on things like getting a driver 's license , getting a job , and maintaining health insurance . The brochure never clearly states who will be helping the teen do all of these things . Is it the social worker ? The foster parent ? A mentor ? Sometimes these promises just fall through the cracks . For Marcus , none of this was happening when we met him . In fact , due to overburdened caseworkers , his health insurance wasn 't in place for almost a year . We spent the next 2 years trying to catch up . We got him his driver 's permit and taught him to drive . I taught him all about his rights in school and what his IEP meant . Luke practiced his interview skills and got him job applications . We opened up his first bank account and taught him how to deposit and withdraw money . In short , we tried to do all of the things that the state would not or could not do for him . In October he turned 18 . We had only heard from him sporadically since he had left our home . His foster mother reported that he was still in school . He got into a few fist fights , but he was getting good grades . He had a girlfriend . No arrests so far . November came and went . Then December and then January . I still waited for the other shoe to drop . After his biological mother rejected his attempts at contact last month , he began calling us frequently . He said he knew we would always be there for him . He mailed us a beautiful letter about much we meant to him . He explained that getting too close to me made it feel like he had to give up on that first mom . Marcus struggled with conflicting loyalty . He couldn 't reconcile himself to loving more than one mom . No matter what he did or said , we still love him . Of course we do . I got a call at work from Marcus this week . The secretary told me that I had a call from " my son . " I almost cried . He explained that he had already dis - enrolled from school and signed out of DCF care . He had packed his bags and was setting out to move away with his girlfriend . He didn 't yet have a place to live or a plan about enrolling in a high school . He wasn 't sure about a job yet . He promised to keep in touch . He texted me a picture of his report card ( all Bs ! Wow ! ) and he let me say , " I love you kid . " Now I 'm left staring at the pair of shoes he left behind . I just hope he knows that we will always be here to catch him if he falls . I 'm honestly proud of what he 's accomplished so far . I wish he 'd never had to do it all on his own . Now , he is out of our care . He is out of the state 's care . He must truly stand on his own two feet . I awoke on my own to the sound of quiet and the smell of fresh coffee . It took me a minute to realize I wasn 't dreaming . As I sat up and rubbed the sleep out of my eyes I registered two things . Number one , Luke was still tucked in next to me . Number two , there was a piping hot cup of mocha - toffee flavored coffee on my nightstand . It was Mary . She has mastered the art of the Keurig . That 's not the only thing she had mastered , though . In this particular instance she had made a cup of coffee , just for me , because she knows I love coffee . She didn 't wake me up to show me she had made it . She didn 't bring coffee and ask for anything . She simply left it for me to enjoy . This means she has mastered the art of selfless acts . To put it simply , she really and truly loves me . Later that same day I sat curled up in a big comfy chair with Carl . We both had mystery books . we just sat by the fire in the late afternoon sun and read together . Outside the window I could see the bleak New England winter with it 's brownish grey snow piles and skeletal tree limbs . Inside was warm and bright and snuggly . Carl didn 't need anything from me except physical closeness . As he snuggled deeper into my side I was warmed by his little limbs and by his love for me . He wasn 't asking for anything . To put it simply he was just loving me . These are the moments that fill me up as a mother . This is how I always imagined parenthood would be . I hold these moments dear in my memory because love hasn 't always come easily for my children . We are so often fighting a war against their past trauma . In order for them to learn to express love they needed to feel safe . Trauma is very similar to the harsh New England winter wind that rattles the windows and batters our house . Past trauma and attachment difficulties attack our fragile relationships with these children . It isn 't often that we find relief from the storm of their emotions . On the days like this I can ignore the storm outside . I must remember to be grateful for the love I 've foughtShare this : TwitterFacebookGoogleEmailLinkedInPinterestRedditPrintTumblrPocketLike this : Like Loading . . . Standard My daughter needs her Daddy . Not having much experience in this area , she was quite confused in the beginning . When we went places she would sit as far away from him as she could . When he put his paramedic uniform on she would cower and shake . The sound of his boots on the steps made her jump , although she would always offer him up a timid smile . Last week I watched her huddled up on the couch . She was wearing an over - sized Red Sox baseball cap and an enormous Paramedic jacket . A stethoscope was wrapped around her neck and a laminated first - responder badge hung from her lapel . This makes me think of those early days . Those days when Mary was 7 - years - old and completely flummoxed by Luke 's constant presence . She would often ask , " Why is he still here ? How long is he staying ? " Sometimes she would tell me that I did things " all wrong . " When I asked her what she met she said , " You know , you 're supposed to have your kids first and then if you want a man or a boyfriend or whatever , you just get one . But you married Daddy first and you don 't have any other boyfriends . He 's our only Daddy . " At times it was like having children who were exchange students from a foreign place . Carl would often comment how it was really weird that my husband and I never hit each other . He actually thought we never got mad at each other because there were no punches thrown . Despite the vigilant watch our kids kept , they never did catch me with my " other boyfriends ! " As time went on the children began to change their concept of who a daddy is and what a daddy is supposed to do . In the beginning , Luke worked a lot of hours . We had just added a large sibling group to our family and we needed the extra cash . He was often in uniform and it took a long time to realize that Mary 's fear stemmed from her fear of police officers . His medic uniform was similar . Mary was the only one of the siblings who had been home during the drug raid when their first mom was arrested and they were taken into DCF care . Lucky for us , Luke is a giant goofball . He will dance around the kitchen with us , shaking his booty and singing along to old New Kids on the Block songs . He does an amazing " girl voice " and a bunch of silly faces . My husband is also the king of puns . He is hardly ever serious and he takes most things in stride . He will play barbies and dress - up and board games . He will allow his hair to be done in ribbons . In short , he is the ULTIMATE playmate for any child . As time went on and the children needed more intensive therapies , psychiatric in - patient stays , evaluations , and scores of appointments . We had to make hard choices . Our children needed us and they were really struggling . I couldn 't handle the violent outbursts and tantrums alone . There were many nights where dinner didn 't get made for hours because Mary was screaming and clawing at my face or trying to break the windows in the house . The emergency crisis team would come and eventually the ambulance , and her brothers just had to wait . There was only one of me and she was frequently in danger of hurting herself or them or all of us . As we battled uphill for her mental health we knew we needed to do something differently . Luke decided to work part time , on a per - diem basis in order to be around for all of the counseling and doctor 's appointments . Finances were tighter than they had ever been . Our income dwindled and our bills started to pile up . Something else was accumulating , though . The days of Mary 's intense rages were long gone . With the right medication , therapy , and with her father 's presence she was making huge strides . The healing our children experienced this past year far outweighs anything we lost in income . Luke put the children on the bus each day and was there as soon as they got off . He made dinner , handled school functions and bonded with our children . If someone was having a violent meltdown , he didn 't go to work . He managed his schedule around our children 's emotional lives . Their healing and mental health came first . I honestly think that Luke was the key in helping out attachment challenged children to heal . Mary 's journey into a relationship with her father has been the most rewarding to see . She began by avoiding him completely , as she did with all male figures . Now she is glued to his side . She 's picked up his way of speaking , his walk , and his food tastes . She began to wear a stethoscope around the house all the time . Luke attended every trauma - focused cognitive behavioral therapy appointment with Mary . It took a long time for her to open up in therapy and she flat out refused to talk about her past unless Luke stayed in the room . Her therapist called it " unconventional " and just went with it . In this way , Mary was able to create and describe drawings about the traumatic memories of her past . She was finally facing her trauma . With Daddy by her side , she could do anything ! Mary has recently started to say that if she ever dates a boy , he will have to be " like Daddy . " When I asked her what that meant she replied , " well he has to treat me like a princess , of course ! " At her annual father - daughter dance she was a princess . I got a picture of my beaming girl gripping my husband in a huge hug . The time for Luke to return to regular work hours has come . As he journeys back into the world of saving lives on a regular basis , I find myself reflecting . Luke always saves . It 's what he does . After all , he saved this little girl 's idea of what men are like . He saved this family . And one little princess will never forget that . Neither will her mom ! I was scared to start blogging . I was worried to share so many personal details about our kids . Some of the things I discuss are highly personal and very sensitive . I was scared not to write this blog . I was scared that there would be other trauma parents out there feeling alone . I was afraid those parents would feel hopeless and give up on the kids who need love most . I started this blog to tell the truth . The good , the bad , the scary and the amazing parts of adoption . I beg to differ with the Hallmark version . " Will she see what I made her ? Can we mail it to her ? " My 8 - year - old daughter is looking at me with wide , hopeful eyes . How can I possibly explain this to her ? " Well sweetie , we can hold onto it for her . If we get an address or if she contacts anyone , then we can let her know we have this . " Mary looks crushed . She has spent the better part of an hour making a " memory box " for her other mother . We decorated it with glitter and hearts and stickers . She has lined it with a soft felt lining . We have all of her school pictures and her sports pictures gathered to put inside . Mary has written her a letter . I had the idea that making this memory box would be helpful for our children . They have a lot to say to her . That other mother . The mother who had them first . She had Mary until age 3 and Carl until age 5 . In the years after they came into care the siblings were separated , their first mom came and went , tried at times and not at others . So much has happened . In those first years , their years with her , bad things happened . Our children still carry the psychological and physical scars of their first home . There was severe neglect , physical abuse , and intermittent abandonment . Scary things happened to them . Painful things happened to them at the hands of this other mother . Still . Love must have happened , too . No matter what , a child loves their parent . According to the older siblings there were some good times , too . It was her voice they heard in utero . They took their first steps with her and said their first words . It was in her house that they played together . That first home is the last place all six children lived together ( the 7th baby came later . ) She was the one who spent those first years with them good or bad . I am amazed at my daughter 's capacity to hold so much love in her heart . Beautiful Mary sees the good in people despite their struggles . I hope she knows that this first mother loved her . I believe this wholeheartedly . I don 't have much to go on about their other mother . I have the DCF file , of course , and I have what our children and their siblings have told me . I 've only met her once . She refused further visits and contact . In our adoption agreement my husband and I offered to send pictures and updates . She is entitled to three supervised visits per year . She refused . I imagine it 's too painful but I hope someday she will want to see how these beautiful children grew . I don 't know her story . At least , I only know the parts that the children have told me . DCF has shared things with us but when it comes down to it , I believe my kids . I try not to judge her because her choices were influenced by mental health issues and narcotics . I believe the older siblings about what they remember from that first family . Adoption is hard . It all starts from a loss . Everyone with the exception of my husband and myself , has lost so much in this process . My husband and I get the report cards and sports games . We will go to recitals and play dates and birthday parties . We get the hugs and kisses and cuddles . But we also get the trauma . We spend a huge chunk of our lives cleaning up the emotional mess left over from addiction , mental health concerns , and injuries from this other mother . They couldn 't fight back when they were little . They couldn 't fend for themselves and couldn 't defend themselves . Now that they are in a safe place they can let their anger out sometimes . We take the brunt of that anger from time to time . It 's OK because we are strong enough for all of their emotions . They still hoard food sometimes just in case my husband and I stop providing . They still worry that I might get drunk and leave them because that 's what they think " moms do . " Things are getting better for them , though . They are safe now . They are healing . Our kids will be OK because they have us to help them through . Who will help the older " aged out " siblings ? Who will help her , the " other mother " through it ? I hope she has someone . We heard from Marcus the other day . He 's 18 now and just beginning to process the effects of growing up in care without a family there for him . He had been ranting and raging at her for never returning his calls or answering his Facebook posts or text messages . In 5 years of foster care , he has never stopped trying with her . Despite his struggles , he has a lot of love in him . Last month he managed to make contact . According to Marcus she told him she has a new man and another family now . She doesn 't want to look back on the life she had here . She is in Puerto Rico and won 't be coming back . He couldn 't understand how she just didn 't ask about the younger siblings . He couldn 't understand why she didn 't ask about how he was doing . He couldn 't understand why she just couldn 't give up the drugs . I may never understand her choices but I understand the damage they caused . I see the wreckage every day . All I can do is save a box for her . A box filled with the childhoods she is missing . Maybe one day she will want to see . Maybe it 's too hard for her . Who knows ? What I do know is that I can help my children hold these memories for her . I can keep the lines open just in case she is ready someday . No , I won 't let her endanger my children again . They won 't be physically hurt anymore . Could we manage a phone call or a supervised visit ? I believe we could . I believe the kids could handle it , but it would be hard . She can 't handle it . I will respect the distance she keeps by choice , but I will also respect my children 's feelings about what is and what once was . Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this :
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Christian living - dealing with one ' oops ' at a time … Archive for November , 2012 Why We Home School Someone asked how and why we home schooled . Since these are huge topics , I will try to answer them one at a time . Our reasons for home schooling are different than most , so I am not sure how much you will benefit from knowing them , but it is fun learning about where other people are coming from . So here it goes … In 1999 we began the process of adopting a family group of three children , ages 10 , 8 and 6 . We were told by Social Services that they were at grade level in school and doing fine . When we enrolled them in our local school , and then finally received their school records we saw that this was not the case . How could Social Services lie to us ? Well , technically it was not a lie . Our children were in regular classrooms being pulled out only for math and reading and being given better grades than they deserved because , as the new school would tell us , ' those kids need to see those grades . ' ( Apparently this is the norm in most schools . ) So technically our children were doing ' just fine . ' But they weren 't . So we worked with the children when they got home , and enrolled our daughter in Sylvan ( which was very , very pricey ) for extra help . Why ? Because at the end of the third grade she was still trying to count beans in math and she did not know all of her letter sounds . Her teacher was very proud of her because when it was her turn to read aloud she did so with self - confidence , making the entire thing up . She won two awards at the end of the school year . These were not ' special ed ' awards , but awards open to the entire class . One was for best behavior ( She was an extreme behavioral problem ) and the other was for creative writing ( As my husband put it , ' Her writing sure is creative ! ' Remember , she does not know all of her letter sounds yet … ) Even with the private school 's attention there was still a significant amount of home work to be done at night because our children did not behave well enough to do their work in school . This meant that there was little time for our son who was currently in the first grade and doing well . So we decided to home school him through the second grade so he would have more time with mom , and then we could focus on the other children when they got home . Our son completed the second grade curriculum in record time . When I asked my husband what he thought we should do now he told me to order the next grade . It was fairly obvious that this child was not going to easily re - assimilate to the slower pace of even the private school system we had put him . Our other children were asking to come home to school too . We had one in kindergarten that did not like the fact that his younger sister ( who I was teaching at home for pre - school while teaching the second grader ) was getting ahead of him . Our oldest adopted child was also asking to come home . He told the teacher he would have had for the next grade that his mom thought she was too tough and was not going to let him be in her class . I had said nothing about bringing him home , or what I had thought about the teacher , and assured the boy that mom would be tougher . But , since they closed the private school my two oldest were in , there seemed to be little choice . Our options were to put them back into a school system than had already failed them , or take them home . So the two oldest came home . The second grader wished to stay home and the kindergartener wished to come home as well . It seemed the only person not begging to be home was the adopted child who was currently in the third grade . Since he was proving to be a master thief , cheat and puller - upper of girl 's skirts it seemed like a good idea for him to have some more one - on - one time with Mom as well . It was supposed to be short - term , until some of the more obvious problems resolved … But , when the adopted children 's standardized test scores went from the bottom of the graph to around the 75th percentile it was hard to think of putting them back into the system . Further , the schools had already informed me that my oldest and youngest adopted sons would be placed into a school for behavioral problems after sixth grade , and my daughter would be in a year - round school for the emotionally handicapped . She was expected to live her adult life in a group home , since , with her EH her IQ testing would likely drop into the mentally retarded range as the other children continued to mature , while she did not . No matter how difficult they were at home I could not in good conscience allow this to happen . The younger children were also flourishing , and we stopped talking about what grade they were in because they were significantly ahead in their schoolwork . ( They were disappointed when they realized that this did not mean Mom was sending them to college early . While they were capable students there is a maturity that comes with age , and we planned to send them to colleges with other students who were equally as bright . ) All of my adopted children graduated and received diplomas . ( Two through Royal Academy , and one through the State of New Mexico which allows home schoolers who test high enough on the GED to receive an actual NM diploma . ) My oldest son ( fetal alcohol syndrome / cocaine baby ) finished four years in the Marines and now makes six figures doing security work in Kuwait . My daughter ( cocaine baby / RAD ) is married , works as part of the hotel cleaning staff , and is expecting her second child . ( She is not in a group home ! ) My other adopted son ( cocaine baby ) works as a front desk supervisor in a hotel and is working his way into management . My oldest natural born son is going to a very respected school for engineering on a full scholarship . My other children are still home schooling . After four have moved on home schooling the three feels like I am doing nothing ! My son who is still in our home school wants to follow his brother and become an engineer as well . They are both hoping to start their own companies . ( Home schoolers tend not to aspire to be employees . ) One of my daughters wants to be a wedding planner , and the other ( whose pictures you will see on my books and blog ) wants to be a photographer , though both wish to go to college just to have had the experience . I am glad we home schooled . I believe all of my children are doing better than they would have if we had left them in school . They are self - confident and capable . They can also cook , clean and do the laundry ! My younger children also avoided the bullying I was subjected to in school . ( If you couldn 't tell , they are geeks . ) While I did not choose to home school them for this reason , I am glad they avoided it . When I see how proud they are to be them , I realize that there was an extra ' gift ' in bringing them home . By the way : All of the ' benefits ' of socializing when you are a nerd / geek are baloney . Being abused rarely has good results . ( And when I see my college son 's friends who have trouble getting up the courage to speak with me when they visit , even though it is obviously a geek - home , I am glad my children were able to be schooled by me . ) That does not mean that we were recluses . Quite the contrary . We were out with friends almost every day . But we picked people who were good to us , and taught our children it is okay to set boundaries with those who aren 't . Home schooling , like everything else , has its plusses and minuses . For one , our bank account would have been significantly bigger if I had not stayed home , but had continued to work as a physical therapist . I am certain I would have owned my own practice by now and had others working for me . I would also have not had to answer annoying questions every day about why I home school , and don 't I think they are missing out on something / everything . There is also a better chance of having a relationship with your children since you see them , and talk to them more often . ( Another surprise benefit . ) I would not trade this for the world ! That is not to say everything worked out perfectly . In our case , the problems that children who are adopted as older children face still haunt them in many ways , and they like to blame that on me more than their birth parents . That is the price many adoptive parents pay for trying to right what someone else did wrong , but you 'll need to check out my posts on adoption for more about that . P . S . Home schooling also allows you to travel more , and at off - peak times . A perk that makes it more than worth it ! ( Investing in an RV and being able to just go whenever my husband had the time allowed my children to see most of what they were learning about ! ) Tagged with : adoption and home schoolhome educationHome schoolhomeschoolteaching at home Keeping Your Marriage Hot ! There have been more than a few people on Twitter asking how to keep marriage ' hot ' after children , so I figured I 'd share a few things we 've learned along the way . If you don 't like TMI , I 'd stop here . Otherwise , I hope you find something here you can enjoy ! Romance starts with the relationship . In order to keep the romance alive , you need to take time to be together and talk . Set aside one night a week to go out . Go someplace you can talk . No chores . No movies . Go someplace you can connect and be romantic . Without trust and a feeling of connectedness , sex , at least for most women , is not nearly as good . So men , talk to her , hold her and make her feel loved . And don 't do stupid things that put her on edge and make her feel like she cannot trust you . ( Like what she considers reckless driving , reckless spending etc . ) She needs to feel she can trust you before she can fully enjoy you ! Wives , invest in nice underwear . If you buy things that must be put on before bed you will rarely wear them . Instead pick things you can wear under your clothes comfortably so you are ready for the night . Sexy underwear also keeps your mind on the fact that there is something to look forward to later tonight . You 'd be surprised how much you can wear all day - just don 't go to the gym in it … Talk about what you might like to do . While some of them may be out of the question , they can be modified . Make an effort to try new things . Make it part of your ' to do ' list . Get creative . Nothing kills romance faster than routine . Don 't get stuck in a rut . As a couple we read an article that stated that most sex ends when the husband is done . The woman reaches her end only about half of the time at best . And , it usually takes a woman at least 45 minutes to ' get there , ' on average . My husband took this to heart , and saw it as unfair , especially since a woman 's body can ' have fun ' more than once . Making the encounter incredibly ' fun ' for the woman most of the time increases the woman 's interest in doing it more often . You 're married . Sex does not have to end , you will see this person again , hopefully soon . If you only have a few minutes here and there during the day take advantage of them . It keeps you interested , it is pleasant , and an unexpected side effect is that , if the process is drawn out over , let 's say weeks , the male experience is very much increased . So increased that he may begin to want to wait , and just ' play . ' This is not withholding sex . This is week - long foreplay . There is a difference . ( And when children crawl into your bed , sometimes it 's the best you can do ! ) Tell each other what you like and what doesn 't quite do it for you . You don 't have enough time to waste on things that aren 't ' effective . ' Be honest , and don 't be offended . Your goal is to please the other . Talk honestly and get good at it ! And whatever you do , do not play games ! Say what you mean , all the time in everything . And don 't expect your spouse to take a hint . If you are in the mood , be direct . It 's okay if they say ' not now please , ' but sometimes you miss your chance because both of you thought the other person wasn 't ready . It 's actually very freeing once you get used to it . Be honest about everything else as well . Emotional guessing games where someone ' should have known ' damage a relationship , and make you less eager to be with one another . Shower together occasionally . Let him watch you change , especially if you are putting on the ' nice ' underwear . Touch each other . Hold hands . Rub shoulders . Do chores together and play . And , if possible , take advantage of ' nap time ' to take a ' nap ' yourselves . ( Yes , that is a euphemism ! ) Make sure you are having fun . Play with the children together . Joke , laugh , watch movies . Give up your solo time and learn to enjoy life together . Buy her flowers . Make his favorite meal . Do what you did while you were dating that told the other person they are ' special . ' Don 't get so caught up in the children that what they want trumps everything else , so you are no longer doing things for your spouse . The children learn to honor their parents by how you treat each other , so set the example well . ( My 16 year old son just took out the glass wear and dishes we almost never use and washed them thoroughly for me , just to bless me . He saw a need , and acted on it . Guess where he learned to do things like that from … Who doesn 't want a guy like him as their daughter 's husband ? ! ) Don 't let ' busyness ' take away your fun . And , don 't let emotional people ( typically extended family members ) hijack your emotional wellbeing . Set boundaries and make sure you are fully there for each other . Life is too short to be wrapped up in drama , and one missed sport season is not going to destroy your child 's life . Plus more time with the family may help ensure your children actually have a relationship with their parents . If there are children in your room , find another ' appropriate ' place to play . Guest rooms are great , but not everyone has one . Get creative . Just because the child is asleep in your bed does not mean you are trapped there ! Keep your self - esteem up . You are the only person your spouse has . Women , if you have gained weight , enjoy your curves . Men , most women care about how you treat them ( i . e . How much you listen to them , and how much you notice things about them . ) more than what you look like . So be sexy by paying attention to her ! ( Have you noticed that a woman 's most common complaint is that you don 't listen ? ) Learn what she like , dislikes , how she does things etc . One of the most endearing things my husband said to me recently was , ' I didn 't know you don 't use conditioner every day . ' It means he 's still paying attention , and that is good . I hope this helps . Just know that at 43 year old , seven kids , and 19 years of marriage , married life can still be very good . Very , very good in fact … So Enjoy ! We will celebrate with you when you are victorious and praise God ! We know that the Lord saves those who are His . Some trust in chariots and horses ( military strength ) but we trust in God . Others ( those not with God ) will fall , but we rise up and stand firm . The Problem With the Position of the Pastor 's Wife My doctoral dissertation was about dealing with difficult people in the church . While conducting interviews one person was specifically mentioned over and over again : the pastor 's wife . Whether she was actually to blame , or merely a scapegoat , her contribution to whatever occurred seemed to cause more emotion than anything anyone else had done . And pastors ' wives feel this . They often take the brunt of the emotional assault that accompanies many nasty church leave - takings . Why is this ? Now this is only my opinion . It cannot be proven , and is based on accumulated second hand information . Not the best data , but often the only data we have when dealing with church turmoil . Re - stirring the pot to get to the true root of not one , but many church crisis after - the - fact is probably not healthy , so conjecture is an unfortunate necessity . No one would take this job in the secular world , even if it paid well . No one with any business sense that is . Why ? Let 's look at the job description . Oh wait , there isn 't one ! And therein lies the first problem . The function of the pastor 's wife is poorly defined . Everyone seems to think they know what she should do , but everyone 's ideas are different . She must therefore be all things to all people ( and she must guess what those things should be ) or be labeled a disappointment . So let 's look at some common expectations : 1 . She is her husband 's helpmate . This seems to mean that if there is anything left in the church that no one volunteers to do the job is hers . Lead choir , then run to help in the nursery , and make sure the communion trays are filled , all while taking care of her own nursing baby ? Sure the pastor 's wife can handle this ! 2 . Her children must be perfectly groomed and well behaved . And so must she . I have seen pastor 's wives criticized for leaving the price tag on the bottom of their shoe ( seen while praying for someone at the altar ) and because their handbag was deemed too expensive for their position . The level of critique inherent in this role is out of control . 3 . She must be every woman in the church 's best friend . She has to be there for them if they are having a bad day , or celebrating . She cannot act anxious to go onto something else , and must show up to every special event . And if the event is at the church , and she misses it , that is double the insult ! 4 . She is not on the org . chart . This is probably the worst thing we do to this woman , though it may not seem like it . She has no real position , yet she runs much of the church , and she is only accountable to the pastor - her husband . She is at no meetings , so she does not get to voice her opinion . And the man she loves is in charge of telling her when she doesn 't meet expectations . There is no impartial third person who can soften the blow . Now this may seem like a kind , gentle way to hear about something that goes wrong , but trust me , it is not . It hurts marriages . There is too much interpersonal conflict in an organization like a church that is based more on relationships than on productivity . Hearing repeatedly from the man you love that you are not measuring up in some way , no matter how gently he puts it , hurts . So often he simply does not tell her . So , until some other brave soul tells her , usually in a frustrated and inappropriate manner that blindsides her , she is clueless . Everyone needs accountability . This system where one of your major workers is left out of the loop is a recipe for disaster . Think about having a job where you were overworked , undertrained , allowed to go to none of the meetings , and then they called your spouse to tell you they have had it with your incompetence , and your spouse 's job is in danger if they do not ' fix ' the situation . 5 . She cannot be moved to a position that would be a better fit . Like it or not , she is it . The pastor 's wife is the pastor 's wife - for life . She is part of the package . Her behavior affects his job . It is one of the few jobs where this is so . This is a lot of pressure for a woman to be under , and yes , it is scriptural in the sense she must be godly , but we ask a lot more of her than that ! 6 . She receives no training . She is often second in command in the church in many ways , yet she did not go to one course on running a church , nor was she required to sit through one class on the Bible . Occasionally a denomination has ' pastor 's wives classes ' but compared to what she is called to do , they are still sorely lacking . Are you beginning to see the problem ? You have an employee who works for free , who has no real authority , while seemingly having all the authority since , after all , her husband is the pastor . People obey her since they believe she speaks for him , yet she goes to no meetings and no amount of ' pillow talk ' can adequately fill her completely in . She is expected to do everything , though there is no one who will tell her what everything is and no one assigned to warn her when she is doing it wrong . Oh , and did I mention the types of people who typically surround the pastor 's wife ? The first set is the ' yes - men ' ( women ? ) who like to suck up . They are great , but tend to turn rabid the first time she disappoints them . And the second are the ones who like to criticize . She cannot get away from either , because she must be sweet and diplomatic . Heaven forbid someone leaves the church because the pastor 's wife didn 't say ' hi ' to them and give them all the time they needed ! This situation is untenable . Only a few get through well . Depression is common . Many develop health issues . Becoming calloused , and feeling lonely like you have no friends is also an issue . Some wives wrap themselves up in their families . Others become mini - tyrants because they have learned to not care what other people think , but not in a healthy way . In my opinion : Their lives become skewed because the expectations are insane . 1 . They have a job outside the church . People then understand that they are not the church - slave and treat them more like they would treat anyone else . This is healthy . 2 . Their husband repeatedly reminds the church that his wife 's ministry is to him , not the church . If she does anything in the church it is because she wants to , not because she must , and she may quit said function at any time . The husband sets a clear boundary between his wife and the church and does not let her take on too many roles . If no one in the church wants to do it , then some things get left undone . So , next time you see your pastor 's wife love her . Give her a break and some space to be human , and remember , if you promise to do something and drop the ball , it often falls to her to do it , so keep your commitments . And let 's see if we can make life better for these women , shall we ? * * We used the term ' pastor 's wife ' when referring to him as a joke because , even though our denomination allowed women to pastor , they often forgot some of us were not male , and many times referred to the pastor 's spouse somewhere in their communication as a ' wife . ' One year they sent the church suggestions as to how to appreciate the pastor 's spouse . The suggestions were read by the elders to the congregation to everyone 's amusement ! ( My husband is large and very masculine looking , so if you can imagine the gift certificates for a perm , or mani - pedi were quite amusing . He was a good sport and enjoyed it as well . ) Tagged with : pastor gifts of the Holy Spirit Pentecostal religion spirituality faith religion Things You Learn in Professional Jobs That Mature You . I was talking with a friend and we noticed that there was a great divide in our community . There were discussions we could have with some people , that , when we tried to have the same discussion with others , resulted in our being accused of speaking meanly about the person . Since we knew this was not so , and since we both had conversation about people in our respective jobs and knew that this type of talking about people was necessary , I wondered why some people look at life differently . The common thread seemed to be whether , or not the person had a professional job that required them to supervise other people in some capacity . Professional people realize quickly that everyone has weaknesses . This is a fact . Once a weakness is identified one must then decide if the person can learn and improve , or if this is an area that they are just not suited for . This is not mean . This is life . And you can apply it on a personal level . I am a great public speaker , but do not ask me to act . Pretending is not part of my nature . Sometimes points can better be made through drama . I would not be the one to ask this of . Similarly , if you wanted a flash - mob for advertising or to boost moral , I would not fit in . Identifying someone 's strengths and weaknesses and then deciding how to proceed is often necessary and not cruel . Even on a personal level one must assess what a friend can and cannot handle . It 's okay . Some people like random visitors . Others prefer a phone call on a not so regular basis . It 's not personal . It 's just the way they are . People in professional jobs also learn not to equate criticism with hate . Criticism , when done well , is a loving act designed to help the other person improve . Occasionally I look over other people 's projects . They love that I am willing to do this for them , because they do not want to make unnecessary mistakes . If I were afraid to criticize them this would not work . They also realize that they do not need everyone to be just like them . Eventually , when working in groups you realize that it is good that the people around you have different skills , and begin to see people who are talented in areas you are not as assets you want to have around . They are not competition that makes you look bad , but people on the same team that are going to help you succeed . These jobs also teach you that people can have different points of views and still get along . Disagreeing with someone , especially about something that has no relevance to what you are working on , like politics , is okay , and even healthy . All of your friends do not have to think the same as you . You will learn much from their perspectives , and they from you . If you go home upset because you cannot believe your friend thinks that way and do not want to speak to them because of it then you have some maturing to do . Professional situations help people learn to do this , because the environment forces people to be polite , and you must see each other , and be cordial , again . Strong negative emotions just because you don 't like something they said must therefore be dealt with , or you will be the one without a job . You also realize that people change , but you must deal with who they are now . There are too many times you must deal with people repeatedly , like it or not . Some are just having a bad day , but you must still get them to accomplish what you need them for . You must therefore change your tactics to achieve your goal . You can make nice tomorrow , but today this has to be done . Others improve over time . They will now be very useful where they were not before . If you write them off completely you may lose out on an excellent opportunity to use them where they now shine . Re - evaluation of people is not a bad thing . This is how we give people a second chance . Honest evaluation however is a necessary thing , and it is okay to admit the person is not in a position to be useful at the moment . ( I once had a position left open for me because they wanted me , and could wait , but they did not want me with all of the responsibilities I currently had because they knew I would be unable to perform the job to their satisfaction while juggling everything else so they were waiting to make an official offer . This is wise . ) Recently , speaking to a friend I said that a certain preacher had a great ministry and was very effective , but he was just not my ' flavor . ' It surprised her . But we don 't have to like everything . We can admit that some things have both good and bad points ( advantages and disadvantages ) and that everyone is not going to be all things to all people ( that 's Christ 's job , not ours ) . And it 's okay . There are plenty of niches for all of us . The beauty of it is , is that when you find your niche , you shine and are very , very happy there . Just remember that it takes longer to find your niche if everyone around you flatters you and tells you how wonderful you are and there is no one who is willing to tell you uncomfortable stuff and lead you to where you could actually do well . Tagged with : giftsgossipmaturityother 's opinionsprofessional behavior How to Raise Children With a Servant 's Heart One of the toughest things to teach a child is how to do for others in a selfless manner . Toddlers almost instinctively take toys away from each other , and one of the first words they learn is usually , ' Mine ! ' even though this is rarely said in most households . For this reason I looked back and thought about where we went right while raising our seven and thought I 'd share . Watch that you do not teach the ' it 's not my job ' attitude when you are out . If someone missed the garbage can at church , help out by picking it off the floor and putting it in the trash yourself rather than walking by it . Do not be judgmental . Explain that people have bad days , and everyone misses the trash sometimes . But also explain that if everyone left everything for the janitor , then the place would be a mess , and trash , after people have stepped on it repeatedly is much harder to clean up . If you would not be that messy at home , do not be that messy elsewhere . Just because it is not yours does not mean that you do not have to take care of it . If anything you should be more careful because it is not yours to break . Remember , your children are watching you . Most of what they do will be because they saw you doing it . So , help your neighbor , hold the door , be nice to the waitress and they will likely do the same . When the church has a work - weekend , go ! When there is community work to be done , help ! Take the children if possible . It is how they learn to work . Enjoy yourself . Visit with the people there and go out to eat , or for ice cream after . It is okay to have a small reward for a job well done . Children do not have a lot of real - world experience and get overwhelmed easily . Before you yell , criticize or punish , redirect them . Tell them specifically what you would like them to do at the moment and talk them through the job . If this works , problem solved . If they continue to ignore you and the work , well , the consequences are for you to decide . Children need to learn to work when no one else is looking if they wish to be successful in life . If everyone learned to do this , we would need fewer supervisors , but that is besides the point . The point is , being self - motivated and not taking an unsupervised moment as an opportunity for a work slow down are skills you wish to cultivate , so reward them , and make sure they know why they are being rewarded . Don 't forget that the people around them will have an impact on their lives too . Make sure they are surrounded by people who behave in ways that you would want your children to imitate . They should have many role models by the time they reach adulthood , or they may get the impression that you and your spouse are just weird , and that all of that ' good stuff ' is something they do not need to do . Use others as an example and point out when someone was blessed because they were the type of person other people could count on , even when not asked . You reap what you sow is a fact of life . Make sure your children understand the long - term consequences of being selfless , as well as where a life of selfish desires will lead . Flattery is lie intended to curry favor . It does not get good long - term results . Instead it results in children who believe they can get away with doing nothing , and still be rewarded . In my house one of the common ' lectures ' was , ' If Mom has to do it all then there will not be enough time left to go where you want to and Mom will be too tired to want to do much else , so if you actually want out of this house on a regular basis I 'd suggest you help . ' ( ' cause Mom wants to go to the movies , get ice cream etc too ! ) There are many ' natural consequences . ' If you let the lawn go , there are mice and fines from the town . If you don 't take care of the car it does not run . Make sure the children know why they are doing what they do and how it benefits everyone in the home including them . Tagged with : childrenchoresChristiangood behaviorparentingraising children Why Do We Keep Separating the Men from the Women ? After a particularly great men 's conference , one of my male friends made the following statement . He said , ' I wish my daughter had been there . I want her to know what kind of man she is to look for , and this speaker made it so clear . ' He has a point . A good one . Why should the other gender not know what the church is saying to their spouse ( literal or potential ) ? Would the men have more of an incentive to be a wonderful man of God if they knew the women had heard the message as well , and were holding them accountable ? Would the young girls choose more wisely , and thus motivate the boys to be better husbands , if they had heard what a mature man believes all men could and should be ? Why do we keep separating the sexes ? The Pharisee - controlled society of Jesus ' day separated them ; but the early church did not . Women supported Jesus ' ministry and sat at His feet to learn . Women were in the Upper Room , and told of the empty tomb . Women ministered with Paul and one taught Apollo along side her husband . With so many examples of the sexes together , why the over - fascination with splitting them up ? The sad truth is that more women probably watched the movie Courageous than men . More women currently attend Bible studies and have daily devotional time . More women work in the church . More women are told that they have to remain pure , but cannot expect this of their future husband . More women settle for men who are not what they should be , and then try to change them once they are married . More women are leading the homes because the man is absent , physically , or emotionally . Our notion of separate , but equal does not work . Men and women are to become one , not separate entities who split the work according to gender roles that make little sense now that there are modern conveniences and the children go off to school . And even if you choose to teach them that way , shouldn 't the other sex know what they can expect ? And our women 's groups seem to be compensating by throwing tea parties and dumbing - down the curriculum choices . Where one could once get fed deeply , a woman is more likely to be required to dress up like a princess at a pre - school party and asked ' non - judgmental ' questions that have no right answer , rather than examine what the truth is according to God 's Word . Would this occur if the men were invited ? I am tired of women 's conferences that have no meat ! ( Literally and figuratively - have you seen the menus ? Which begs the question : Who decided BBQ and wings were only for men ? And how did I miss that meeting ? ! ) I want my daughters to know what a true man of God should look like , and I want people to stop implying that ' real men can 't help themselves ' as a motivation to keep them modest . I want the men to stand up and protest any time it is implied that they are animal - like slaves to their hormones , because they don 't want their girls picking a man who is . Sure , modesty is good . But a real man throws his coat over the naked girl and saves her from the burning building without a second glance . He does not ogle her and then blame her for whatever wrong thing he does next . I also want my sons to know that the good girls make the best wives and that they have no chance of getting them if they are not behaving themselves . I want them to understand that purity is for before marriage , and that girls can and do make the change . False teachings cannot be corrected when one side has no ability to say , ' That is definitely not true ' and discuss it . Men and women 's roles in today 's society continue to be different - that much is true . But society is changing rapidly and the answer to how we keep up and remain godly lies in communication , not private lectures that are soon forgotten , and occasionally focus on an ideal that could only be achieved in the 1950s or before . Let 's stop playing around and get real .
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May 4 , 2011 by Kenneth Braswell Filed under Blogs , Fatherhood Freestyle , Spotlight 1 Comment Let me start by saying God has a funny way of placing your anointing in front of you to remind you of the work still before you . I was in the beauty salon tonight waiting for my daughter to get her hair done . Second , let me say that by no means it was this the first time I 'd sat and waited on a woman to finish something I had no interest in ; getting hair done , shopping , talking on the phone . A good man will do it , but besides that , it 's my deposit for hoping for her to wait while I do something she 's not interested in ; walking aimlessly through Best Buy or Home Depot ; watching the game or talking about sports or video games ; or on occasion my work ; etc . etc . etc . I 'm always intrigued by the conversation that takes place when a bunch of women are talking . And as luck or fortune would have it , I was the only man in the salon . At times they were conscious of my presence , and at times they could care less that I was there . I am also a people watcher . Not in the weird perverted sense , just someone who is fascinated by human interaction and finds sport in imagining the life stories of the people I see . So , being in a salon with women and children , absent men to add a masculine presence , it was particularly interesting to see the various methods of discipline . Everything from yelling and screaming to the drag - off to the bathroom for the proverbial tighten - up ! As a Dad , I couldn 't help to realize and reflect for a moment that my 10 - year - old daughter was experiencing something that will be a life - long ritual - going to the salon to get her hair done ( did ) . Along with several other observations , I could also sense that fathers in the lives of those children and good men in the lives of those women were a distant reality . It became overwhelmingly real for me when the little girl of a Mom , who spent the vast majority of her time yelling at this child , sat next to me and asked , " Are you my Daddy ? " Stunned and overtaken , it took everything I had in me not to cry . I could see the missing image of her father in her eyes . At 3 - 4 years old , she was already trying to fill it . Here I was , Mr . Responsible Fatherhood , and I had NO answer for her … and tragically enough neither did her mom . As I stated before , what a way for God to remind me how critical my work has become . Statistically I know , anecdotally I know , clinically I know , but this child forced me to know on a whole different Godly level . In essence she was saying to me , " I don 't know who my daddy is , so what are you going to do about it ? " And as she went back to play with the other kids , she left me perplexed and dazed . I had to stop the work I was doing , and as I watched her mother rise from the dryer , visuals told me a story that gave me little hope that this little girl would ever know who her daddy is . To be honest , I am at a loss for words . Nothing gives me solace tonight that she will ever fill the hole in her soul created by a father who has left this beautiful Black child wondering and searching for a man who will probably never exist for her . Yet she will spend the rest of her life looking , hoping and possibly praying that the next man she asks , will respond by saying , " YES ! " Historically , the role of Black men and fathers has been minimized by mainstream media and marginalized by society . Media assaults on the images of Black fathers have been well documented over the last 25 years . While several television examples of responsible manhood and Black fatherhood can be cited , including Sanford and Son , Good Times , The Jeffersons , The Cosby Show , Roc , The Bernie Mac Show andEverybody Loves Chris , the vast majority of images depicting Black fathers are devoid of any social or political responsibility as well as allegiance to our families . Television shows like The Game , produced by actor Kelsey Grammer who starred in Frasier , continue a long legacy of portraying Black men as irresponsible and incapable of maintaining healthy relationships . The fallacy of shows like The Game is they fail to provide balanced perspectives of Black family life and culture . While The Game is merely entertainment to most , it continues to perpetuate destructive images about Black life and culture . Several parallels can be made to Zip Coon , a caricature that emanated from the Antebellum South . Zip Coon , an exaggerated figure , was created to depict Black men as lazy , easily frightened , chronically idle , inarticulate and unable to reason or comprehend . The Game , which was thankfully canned by the CW Network , was subsequently picked up by BET as a result of millions of fans displaying outrage over its cancellation . Sadly , The Game debuted on Jan . 11 , 2011 , with more than seven million viewers glued to the tube . It saddens me that so many people - undoubtedly most of them African - American - got so outraged over the cancellation of a stereotypical television show when , by contrast , I bet if you go to any PTA meeting at virtually any school in this country you 'd be hard pressed to find many African - American parents in attendance . While the media plays a large role in shaping public discourse , our daily actions as men and fathers must be questioned . Indeed , we cannot be absolved of our culpability in some of the problems we face . According to a report disseminated by the National Fatherhood Initiative , the federal government spends about $ 100 billion annually on programs , policies and services related to absent fathers . The report , " $ 100 Billion Dollar Man , " is a glaring indictment of father absence and the toll it has on the larger family . At some point , reclaiming the essence of responsible fatherhood in our community must become an agenda item . In fact , I argue some point is now ! If the current trends continue , the alarming rates of violence and high - school dropouts among Black men will continue to plague low - income communities . It doesn 't take rocket science or an advanced degree from Harvard , Yale or Princeton to see the effects of absent fathers on the emotional , physical and spiritual essence of Black boys … February 10 , 2011 by Billy Holliday Filed under Blogs , Fatherhood Freestyle , Spotlight 1 Comment Driving back to my home office after taking my 14 - year - old son to school today , I was listening to my favorite sports radio station . The hosts , all about my same age and all with at least one young daughter , happened to be talking about Darius Rucker [ formerly of Hootie and the Blowfish ] , who is now a country singer . The original question put forth had to do with whether they " bought " Rucker as a country singer . Yet the conversation quickly spun into a debate about whether his song , " It Won 't be Like This for Long , " was the best father - daughter song ever . This got me thinking about my own favorite father - daughter song , " Fathers Be Good to Your Daughters , " by John Mayer . When I heard this song floating through the speakers in a Nordstrom store several years back , it felt like a lovely and particularly decent musical snippet of life in a time when the 24 - hour media cycle was beginning to demand ever more lurid and inane content to spew onto any who would watch or listen . From the lyrics , to the guitar , to the breathy quality of Mayer 's voice , it seemed like one of those classic songs that would transcend most contemporary clamorings and forever define the father - daughter song category . So cut to last spring . My family and I had traveled to Maryland for my sister 's wedding . Late one night , my wife and I walked into a Safeway grocery store to pick up a few things we could eat right then and also make for breakfast in the morning . After wandering for what seemed like endless , unnecessary minutes through a store with a layout foreign to us , " Fathers Be Good to Your Daughters " started playing through the store 's sound system . I immediately begin humming enthusiastically , enthralled by the looks on the faces of both black and white shoppers who looked surprised to hear this Black man uttering this John Mayer tune ! As I continued to listen , all I could think about was my baby girl , Laylah - she who is born at night ; my dark beauty . I realized that though I had thought about the lyrics of that song many times since she had been born roughly 15 months prior , I had not actually heard the song played since before she was born . So this ethereal composition of words and melody that I believed poetically summed up my moral imperative as a father to Laylah was now wafting into my ears for the first time since having had memories of her birth , and feedings , and first steps , and first words ; and since having had visions of what her life might ultimately become . So now , while walking through the store and projecting this soundtrack onto the silver screen of Laylah 's life , my eyes welled up to the point where they were certain to spill their contents . Fortunately , I was able to discreetly dab my eyes before any tears rolled down my face and before my wife or any other shoppers could notice . Yet I could not shake how profoundly this song both moved me and so succinctly conveyed how imperative it is for men to be a loving presence in the lives of their daughters . By the time we exited the store , I could no longer contain my tears . While laughing through the water streaming down my face , and simultaneously shaking my head at feeling ridiculous about being a grown assed man crying at night , in a grocery store , and over a song , I quickly and humorously explained to my wife what it was I thought I was experiencing . She seemed to vaguely understand and thought it was sweet , but somehow I think she still thought I was bugging . Cut back to today . After getting settled in my office , I went to YouTube to check out the Darius Rucker song the radio hosts had been debating . Nice song . It definitely captures the idea of cherishing the moments a father has with his daughter because each magical stage of her life won 't last long . But there is just something in Mayer 's song about being good that I believe paints a gorgeous portrait of not just what to take from our experiences as fathers , but of what to give to those experiences as well - especially to our daughters . And for that reason , I cried again . I cried because I know that one day , as Mayer so aptly coined , daughters will love like we do . In listening to this song yet again , I learned today that I probably won 't ever be able to listen to it without exhibiting some degree of unbridled emotion . I am certain there are multivalent reasons for this , my own " father issues " notwithstanding . But whatever the reasons John Mayer 's words and guitar licks move me to tears , I know that at the very least , the notion of having been given this gift of life so that I might give my daughter a pattern of love that will serve her for her own life is a notion that conjures both a profound sense of duty and a deep sense of joy . This is why both the effort and the tears fill my heart and fuel my smile . These days , it has become fashionable to call a brother a punk simply for having the capacity to experience a range of emotions beyond anger or hubris . I shed some serious tears over a sentimental song sung by a pop culture white boy . This is true . That was me - the " strong " Black man experiencing a moment of genuine sentimentality . And yes , I would have been more than a little embarrassed at having been seen crying in Safeway for no apparent reason [ let 's face it , testosterone still runs through my blood , and a certain type of acculturation still guides how I comport myself as a man ] . That being said , I can honestly say I don 't possess much concern for what anyone calls me , as long as Laylah can call me a loving daddy who 's always been good to his little , dark beauty . WeParent is currently looking for new regular and guest contributors to write for our Fatherhood Freestyle column . If you 're interested in telling your side of the story , send an email to info AT WeParent DOT com . Be sure to follow these guidelines : May 28 , 2010 by Whitney Traylor Filed under Blogs , Fatherhood Freestyle 1 Comment In the spirit of " mama - love , " this father would like to take the opportunity to recognize the importance of mothers in his life and in his ability to father a daughter . So , let me start by saying thank you to my own dear mother and the many mothers who took part in raising me , guiding me , and just loving me . Growing up , I was blessed to have been raised by an amazing mother . She was a strong woman who instilled in us so many positive characteristics . While I could go on and on about the many wonderful things my mother did for me , I think the thing I am most thankful for is that she taught me how to take care of myself and exercise responsibility and accountability . We did not have a lot of money growing up , and many times struggled to have our basic needs met . However , no matter how difficult things got , my mom taught me how to go after what I wanted and find the win in life . That attribute alone has been a major part of my successes to this day . For example , when I didn 't have enough money for college and my family could not afford it , I went out and literally " raised " the money . When I started my law practice and may not have had the necessary funds , I found access to capital when the banks turned me down . The bottom line is my mom taught us how to work and find a way to accomplish our goals regardless of our resources . Learning how to find that win in all situations turned out to be fundamentally important in my co - parenting relationship . I guess that is the real focus of this blog . You see , my daughter 's mom and I have had a relationship that has touched on every emotion and seemingly every possible scenario . We have gone from peace to discord , love to anger , yearning to emptiness . Over the past twelve years , our relationship has traveled from the real to the surreal and back again . Through it all , I have learned some important lessons about finding the win and appreciating the importance of mothers . While I may still be hurt in some respects , I have unequivocally concluded that a peaceful relationship with my co - parent far outweighs the alternative . It is real easy to focus on how I was wronged in the failed relationship . It is easy for me to see things through my perspective only . It takes real courage to see through hurt and understand my co - parent 's positions and perspectives . Having had the opportunity to parent through anger , court , battles and disagreement , I have learned that we must find a way to co - exist and co - parent peacefully . In that spirit and during this month that we recognize mothers , I want to take the opportunity to acknowledge my daughter 's mother and thank her for being a loving mom to our daughter . I also want to encourage fathers to thank your children 's mother . Even if the relationship is strained , recognizing her importance and value will go a long way . Reflect on the importance of your mother and remember your child will likely value his or her mother in the same way . Fathers , continue to work towards a peaceful relationship with your co - parent , continue to get through the pain and struggle and do everything you can to find peace in your co - parenting relationship . From someone who has been through it all , peace is the best situation for you and for the children . So , let us men honor all the mothers in our lives . May 5 , 2010 by TK Pierce Filed under Blogs , Fatherhood Freestyle 1 Comment Growing up , my family was typical of lower income New Orleans households in that one house held several branches of the family tree ; my mother and I lived in my grandparents ' house , as well as my aunt and her two children . One of my earliest memories is from my third birthday . I see a corner of a bed , huge in my vision with faded red lines which moved toward me as I pulled on it in an attempt to lift myself up . And then my Grandmother Frances ' bespectacled face appears , smiling and comforting as she pulls me up … no easy feat ' cause by all accounts I was a mini Buddha - baby . My grandmother always looked out for me . I always felt I could count on her . She would always slip me candy or some spending money , would take my side in little arguments . She could fuss at me , and minutes after , console me . When I became a teen , she even attempted to help me organize my love life . If I was out with a girl , and another one called while I was out ; she would find a way to discreetly inform me of the call , with raised eyebrows and code words . The fact that she would do this in front of my date was especially cute . She was also deeply religious , praying twice daily , morning and night , sowing the seeds of spirituality in me . Then there 's my Aunt Henrietta . She was strong and firm , plain and matter of fact . I was quite afraid of her in my early childhood . None of us wanted to be on her bad side . She was my mother 's older sister and as my mother worked different shifts in her job as a nurse , my care fell into her hands from time to time . While my grandmother was my guardian angel , saving me and aiding me , my aunt seemed to be my persecutory devil ; I couldn 't get away with anything ! She could always spot my lies , know that I snuck a snack , and had an uncanny way of feeling you get off the front porch before 3pm from two rooms away . She was also the best cook in the house and I still long for her Sunday pot roast , potato salad , cornbread and dessertsThese are only three of the women who have shaped and helped me become the man I am . Without any doubt they are the biggest contributors , the foundation of my relationships with all women . On Mother 's Day I will remember them and smile . And , everyday , I hope to honor their legacy and impact on my life to make them smile . April 28 , 2010 by TK Pierce Filed under Blogs , Fatherhood Freestyle Leave a Comment I love women . I can find something attractive on almost anyone of them . It could be their eyes , their smile or the way they carry themselves with confidence . I don 't have a particular type or shape or color preference . Long hair doesn 't turn me on more than short , curvy bodies more than straight , tall over short . Intelligence and a sense of humor goes a long way though . . I was raised by women , have raised women and some of my closest friends are women . I 've worked as the only male in treatment center for females and survived and thrived . Women have shaped my life , contributed to the man I 've become and the values I have . Whenever I would envision the way I would begin the story of my life it always began this way , with most of these words . For one thing , the words are true ; women have played a huge role in my life . And I am clear that another reason why is my father . My father and I have never lived in the same house , have never played catch , shared a joke or a laugh . We have never watched a sporting event , taken a walk or watched a cartoon together . And while many adults could make the same claims for many reasons : " my father died when I was 2 " or " he ran away when I was born " or " my mama wasn 't sure who my daddy was " . . I do know who he is . I know his name and occupation and where he lives . His physical absence from my life played as big a role in my shaping as the women who were present . And notice I said his physical absence ; emotionally he has been and remains one of my major influences . As the women in my childhood taught me and scolded me and fed me , my father 's effect was subtle , almost unnoticeable until my teenage years . This increased as I grew into manhood , became a tidal wave as I became a parent to my daughter , and exploded in a crescendo as I became a father to a son . I can remember the joy and wonder I felt as I looked into my daughter 's eyes for the first time , the pride and relief of knowing she was safe , healthy and whole . The comfort I felt in feeding her , changing her and making her laugh . To this day she still takes my heart to the top of the clouds just to be in her presence . The birth of my son added a new wrinkle and sense of wonder ; while my daughter was clearly related to me , my blood , my offspring - my son was a mini version of me . We shared more than similar physical features , he wanted to play sports , to wrestle , to fight , to playTags : Absentee fathers , Children , Fatherhood , Fatherhood Freestyle , TK Pierce Deadline for submissions : October 15 , 2010 Overview : The purpose of this anthology is to explore the experiences of African - American fathers who are no longer involved with their child ( ren ) 's other parent but who are , have or seek to be engaged , active fathers nonetheless . WeParent seeks to amplify the often unheard voices of single , divorced , and separated African - American fathers who are parenting their children . Through a combination of probing blog posts from the popular " Fatherhood Freestyle " blog on WeParent . com and original personal essays from other contributors , WeParent seeks to pierce through the deafening charges of deadbeat absentee - baby - daddyism and offer refreshing and enlightening perspectives on parenting , co - parenting , step - dating and step - parenting , remarriage and more . We seek essays that offer transparency and heartfelt honesty , as well as inspiration to fathers committed to navigating the sometimes tumultuous waters of fatherhood in the absence of a relationship with the other parent . Our project is still in its early stages and we realize that at this point , though we have dedicated contributors , we cannot make any guarantees about the collection 's outcome ; however , we are confident that this project will appeal to publishers for a number of reasons . One prominent reason is the focus currently being placed on fathers and fatherhood by the Obama administration and increased attention in the media . When we have a publishing contract in hand , the essays will undoubtedly go through a review process with the publisher 's readers and ultimate acceptance of articles for the book will depend on that process . Submission guidelines : Submissions should be no longer than 5 , 000 words . Good writing skills are helpful , but not necessary . Mostly , we are looking for powerful insights and stories that share the hearts and wisdom of our contributors . We will work with you to polish your writing . Be sure to include full contact information , including your name , address , phone number and email address . Also , please remember to notify us at once if you move , change your phone number or email . ( If you wish to remain anonymous , let us know , and we won 't include your name in the book . ) Submissions should be sent via mail ( our preference ) or email . When mailing , please include a stamped , self - addressed envelope ( SASE ) so we can return submissions we are unable to use . Without a SASE , submissions cannot be returned . The deadline for final submissions is October 15 , 2010 . However , it may take you some time to write your submission . So that we will know if you are considering making a submission , please send us a brief letter via email or mail to notify us of your intention to submit by June 1 , 2010 . The letter of intent should include your contact information , along with your proposed topic . Your letter of intent in no way obligates you to make a submission . It merely allows us to provide you with information and support during this process . So , my daughter has been walking to school with one particular " friend " from our neighborhood since school began . We 'll call her , " Sarah " for the sake of anonymity . Well , around 7 : 15AM a few Mondays ago , my daughter sent Sarah the customary text to determine the logistics for the morning 's plans . When she responded " I can 't walk today , " I made the decision to drive my daughter to school myself . As we sat in the school parking lot waiting for the doors to open , I casually asked why her friend couldn 't walk . She shrugged her shoulders , explaining that Sarah " doesn 't speak " to her anymore . Wait . Wait . Wait . Rewind . She doesn 't speak to her anymore ? How about all the back - and - forth texts ? And her smile when I drop my daughter off every morning ? No sooner than she 'd said this , we looked ahead and there was Sarah walking up the hill … by herself . My daughter pulled out her phone to confirm she had read the text correctly , and disappointingly stated , " That 's what she said . " I immediately got that visceral feeling that overcomes every parent when they think someone has hurt their kid , regardless of that person 's age . While we sat in the car waiting for the school 's doors to open , I decided it was time to press the issue a little . My daughter explained that Sarah had given some kids in the classroom necklaces , but not her . She told me Sarah sometimes didn 't even speak to her in school despite their having walked together just that morning . My daughter said Sarah called her " sooo annoying " and had recently been very mean to her . My blood , a raging 212 degrees Farenheit at this point was about to explode into a wicked headache . I tried my damnedest not to show my frustration , because I didn 't want her to pick up that this bothered me and ( possibly ) decide against sharing these kinds of stories in the future out of concern I would be hurt . Convinced I had already heard enough , I let her finish telling the story anyway . I knew my daughter wanted that relationship , even though it probably didn 't feel good to her . I felt she was sticking around , because she didn 't see any better alternative . She had plenty of other good friendships from before , so she probably thought she 'd easily find them here . After all , she had never experienced being the new girl in the new neighborhood in the new school on a different coast . Honestly , I may have underestimated these challenges myself . Given the recent transition , I knew she really wanted to be accepted and would be willing to try her hardest to make that happen , even if it meant forgetting her own strength and value . The whole discussion actually reminded me so much of those I 've had with adult women about their own friendships and romantic relationships throughout the years . All I could see was my own daughter ten or fifteen years from now … and I refused to let this teachable moment pass without my sending a powerful message . After she finished , I started to teach ( or was it venting ? ) . I told her she didn 't need to pursue ANY relationship where she was not equally pursued . I told her she was a good friend and needed to find friends who reciprocated . I explained to her that making new friends quickly wasn 't as important as making good friends . I even told her most people are lucky to have just five or so true friends in life . I explained that she should want friends who value her friendship , and that she should never settle for less . This probably lasted for a good half hour . She opened the car door after the school doors opened and gave me a hug . As she was leaving , I told her to look around , and I said , " Remember , YOU and your friendship are the prize . " She nodded her head , sighed , and left . All day , I kept wondering if I had said the right thing . I was completely unproductive at work , calling friends left and right to see if they could help me wrap my head around the whole situation . I was consumed . Did she pick up on my anger ? Was she listening to or even understanding what I had said ? Was I being too protective and not just allowing her to ride it out naturally ( with less overt support ) ? Should I pull her from the school if things didn 't improve ? Would I continue the conversation later at home ? Or maybe I was just blowing this whole thing out of proportion . By the time I got home , I had already decided I would drop subtle nuggets of wisdom here and there instead of continuing to explicitly reference the situation . However , later that evening , my daughter spontaneously said to me , " Dad , Sarah told me a few days ago that she was going to buy me a Christmas present . " I calmly asked if Sarah had spoken to her throughout the day , and she responded , " No . " I wanted to make sure she wasn 't getting her hopes up too high . Plus , I had mixed feelings about her accepting a gift from Sarah . However , I wanted to leave the decision up to her , so I asked her whether she intended to accept it . She shot back forcefully , " I don 't know , but even if she gives me one , I am not getting her one ! " Although it was her decision to make , I insisted she consider the message she would be sending either way . " If you really do not want to be her friend , do you really think it 's cool to take a gift from her ? " She went on to say that how Sarah had been acting was not nice , how she didn 't appreciate it and didn 't want to be her friend anymore . In fact , she told me that if the girl did not apologize and tried to talk to her , she would simply say , " Wait ! What is that buzzing sound in my ear ? " She stated she could make friends with other kids , and she no longer wanted to walk with Sarah . ( Of course , she didn 't know I 'd already made arrangements with the boss to go in late , so I could bring her to school myself . ) Surprised at this new energy and spirit , I was smiling as I asked her where all this was coming from . She looked at me with those beautiful brown eyes and said , " Remember Daddy , I am the prize . "
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I 've always thought it sounded like a rather poetic ( and difficult ) mission . Isn 't uncertainty something you feel ? How do you put a number on your feelings ? Paul admits that this is a problem . " Uncertainty quantification implies that there is a person who has uncertainties , " he said to me the other day . " A scientist 's goal is to be objective - to take himself completely out of the equation - but UQ rests on the notion of a person with uncertainty . The scientist is automatically a part of it . " My writing life has many uncertainties . Will I ever get a book published ? How long will it take ? If I do get a book out into the world , will anyone read it ? In fact , were I to be scientific , I might feel less certain . A quick google search tells me that most agents reject 99 % of the queries that come their way . And getting an agent doesn 't guarantee that your novel will get published . Even if it 's published , you can 't be certain that people will read it . The main character is an eighth grade girl who loves math and writes poetry . Hmm … Hits pretty close to home . ( You guys were aware that I used to be a math teacher , right ? ) So it 's scary to send this manuscript into the world . It was easier when I was querying a novel set in the middle ages about a disabled girl who goes on a magical quest . Not only was the book written in third person , which gave me a feeling of distance , but the protagonist and her story had very little in common with me and my life . This new novel , on the other hand … The protagonist and I definitely have some similarities . And her story , as well as her emotions , draw on my own teenage experiences . When an agent rejects the book ( which will happen , of that I 'm certain ) , I might feel like it 's not only my book that 's being rejected , but my experiences and feelings as well . My husband likes to say that physicists are storytellers . The universe is too mysterious for us to be totally certain about anything , and though I 'm a huge fan of science , its theories are , in the end , simply stories . They are stories that help us explain and understand our world . And as much as scientists may try to take themselves out of their experiments and observations , the fact remains that they can 't separate themselves totally from their work . I 've often thought that I write fiction as a way to understand my world . Even if I 'm not writing about my own experiences , I 'm still there somewhere in the writing . I can 't take myself out of it completely . And maybe I shouldn 't worry about separating myself from my writing . In some ways , I think this newest novel is the best one I 've written so far . Perhaps because it contains so much of myself . Posted in More on Writing and tagged Eva Langston , garden of eva , science and writing , uncertainty quantification , writing . Bookmark the permalink . What I 've Learned from Agent Rejections Two years ago , I got an agent . He loved my middle grade fairy tale novel . While we worked on edits , he asked me , " so , do you have any other middle grade fairy tale retellings ? " " It would be good if you could write one . It doesn 't have to be a sequel , but something similar to your first book . Publishers want to know you 've got something else coming down the pipe . Maybe we can get you a two - book deal . " Then , he had a mid - life crisis . Or something . I don 't know what happened exactly , but he went incommunicado on me for months , and when I finally heard from him , he told me he had quit his job and was no longer agenting . He suggested I find a new agent . I suppose you could say it has not been going well . After all , it 's been a year and I still don 't have a new agent . But , instead , I choose to look on the bright side . I 've had a lot of interest from agents . My query letter is obviously working because I get a lot of partial and full requests . And my rejection letters are usually quite encouraging . In fact , I 've been noticing something similar about my rejections lately . Thanks so much for sharing YOUR NOVEL with me . I really enjoy your writing style and think it 's spot - on for middle grade readers . Unfortunately , I 've found the fairy tale retelling cannon to be so saturated of late . I simply don 't think I can sell another retelling right now unless it 's wildly different from the pack . I 'm sorry not to have better news about this project , but if your agent search persists , I 'd be delighted to consider any other middle grade or YA projects that you might have . Please keep in touch ! For what it 's worth to know , we think you have talent , and would consider other works from you in the future . With that said , the problem with this ms was that while not bad , and definitely better than most we see - retellings are VERY difficult to sell … It 's a breezy and interesting read , but in the end we don 't think it 's strong enough all things considered , again , since it is a retelling . Thank you for sharing your work with me - for your lovely note - and for your patience in waiting to hear back . You write well , but I 'm afraid that I just didn 't have that " Yes ! This is for me ! " feeling - so I 'm going to bow out . And that 's just a few of the many nice rejections I 've gotten over the past year . In a lot of ways , these letters are encouraging . In all of them , the agents say I am a good ( or at least not bad ) writer . That 's something to celebrate , right ? It 's frustrating . It 's really hard to motivate myself to write a new novel when I have TWO completed fairy tale retellings just sitting around gathering dust . But as much as I want to throw up my hands and say " I give up , " I know I can 't . Because there 's something else those agents said : they would be interested in seeing other projects from me . I guess that means I need to get busy writing something that ISN ' T a fairy tale retelling . And that 's exactly what I 've done . I 'm 50 - plus pages into the first draft of a middle - grade contemporary novel , and I 'm feeling good about it so far . I am sharing my rejections with you guys in part to show how difficult and fickle this business can be . Two years ago , my agent literally told me to write another fairy tale retelling . Now , agents are telling me that fairy tale books are nearly impossible to sell . At the end of the day , traditional publishing is about the market and about what will sell . But you can 't write to the market because it takes ages for a book to get published , and what 's popular at the moment might not be two years from now . So basically I 'm getting rejected , at least in part , because of something outside of my control . And as frustrating as that can be , I have to take comfort in the fact that at least I 'm not getting rejected because my writing is bad . In fact , I 'm getting told that my writing is good . So I 'll keep writing . And I 'll cross my fingers that the next novel I create will not only be well - written but also something that an agent thinks will sell . I won 't try to predict what that might be . Instead I 'll write what I want to write , hope for the best , and accept the fact that the road to publishing is a long one . Posted in More on Writing and tagged agent rejections , Eva Langston , Eva Langston writer , garden of eva , learn from rejections , writing rejections . Bookmark the permalink . Why Is Writing Getting Harder Instead of Easier ? A decade ago . I quit my full - time job so I could write a novel . Then , in the span of two months , I wrote one . It was terrible , but it was pretty easy to write . I guess it 's easy to do something badly . Luckily , I recognized that the novel was bad . So I enrolled in an MFA program , thinking this would teach me to be a better writer . And I suppose it did , in it 's way . I got pretty good at writing literary short stories . Got a bunch of them published in literary journals that no one reads . ( See here . ) After graduating with my MFA , I tried to write another novel . This time it was harder . I was much more aware that I didn 't know what I was doing . ( Because , truth be told , my MFA taught me NOTHING about writing novels . ) As I was writing , I started to hate the novel , but I forced myself to finish . Then I stuffed it in a drawer , never to be looked at again . For two years I hid behind a teaching job that sucked away all my time and creative energy . I didn 't tell anyone I was a writer . I wasn 't writing anything anyway . I was afraid of trying again and failing . But then I turned 30 and told myself to get serious . I quit teaching and made the decision to focus on writing . I started reading books on how to write and plot novels . ( In hindsight , I probably should have done this from the get - go and saved myself the thousands of dollars I spent on my MFA . Of course , then I wouldn 't have met a lot of my awesome writer - friends , or gotten to go to Spain and Mexico through my MFA 's study abroad program . There 's good and bad in every decision , yada yada . ) Anyway , I started writing novels again . Now that I knew the basics of plot , I understood better what I needed to do to write a satisfying novel . The first one came without too much of a struggle . ( Although I spent the next three years revising it . ) The next two were harder to write , and they weren 't very good either . And I have continued to try . But here 's the problem : the more I learn about how to write a novel , the harder it gets to actually write one . I find myself practically paralyzed with the knowledge of all the things a novel needs to contain . I find myself stopping before I start , and when I do finally start , I find it nearly impossible to keep going . Oh , how I pine for those days of blissful ignorance when I just sat down at my computer and let the words come flowing out of me , not worrying about character motivation or where the story was going or what the climax might be . Now , I feel like all this knowledge I 've obtained is blocking me from actually writing anything . I brainstorm and outline . I make charts and plotting diagrams . I sit at my desk and stare out the window . But I can barely manage to eek out a page of prose without second - guessing what I 've written and wondering if I should scrap the whole thing . Back when I didn 't know how to write novels , I could write them with seemingly little effort . Not that I know ( in theory ) what to do , I find it agonizingly hard . And I 'm getting really scared . I 'm scared that I 'm going to keep failing at this , and that 's making things even harder . Somehow I need to find a balance . I need some of that un - self - conscious , open - to - the - muses whimsy I had ten years ago . I need a part of myself that can stop judging my own writing for a minute and just let the words flow . But , I also need to make sure my novel has a decent plot and the sorts of things agents and publishers look for in a book . ( Because that IS my goal - to get traditionally published . ) So I need the planning and judgment aspect as well . Perhaps most importantly , I need to stop being afraid because that 's making everything worse . In fact , maybe it 's not the knowledge that has been blocking me all this time . It 's been my fear . The fear that came when I learned how hard writing a good novel really is and started to worry I wasn 't up to the task . My conciliation for now is this : if writing bad novels was easy for me , maybe writing a good novel will be difficult . Which means it 's okay for me to struggle - the fact that I 'm having a hard time doesn 't mean I 'm not cut out to be a writer . Maybe all this difficulty I 've been having means I 'm finally getting to the place where I 'll finally be able to write something good . I guess I 'm trying to move from conscious incompetence to conscious competence . It 's not easy ! ( You can read more about this idea here and here . ) Posted in More on Writing and tagged Eva Langston , Eva Langston writer , garden of eva , writing difficulty , writing hard , writing novels hard . Bookmark the permalink . Enough Is Enough ( Again ) , or , How to Know When You 've Written Enough c ) The other day I sunbathed for the first time this summer . ( Only for an hour , and at 4pm instead of mid - day . ) And , you know , at least when I sunbathe , I read . I figure , as a writer , reading is part of my job . So technically , I 'm working in the sun . The past few days have been rainy here in Cape Cod , so today , since it was actually going to be sunny , I decided to go to the beach for some good , old - fashioned sunbathing . ( Right now my mother is screaming in horror and making me a care package of SPF 50 and a giant , floppy hat . ) I know , I know , it 's very bad for me , but I like to lay out in the sun . It feels nice to have a blanket of solar heat against my bare skin as I drowsily read and listen to the waves . But , I must admit , I do it in large part for the vain reason that I think I look better tan . As I 've gotten older , I 've gotten much more concerned about wrinkles and skin cancer and unsightly moles , so I don 't sunbathe as often as I did , and when I do , I take more precautions than I used to . For instance , now , when I go to the beach , I wear a hat , and SPF 50 on my face . My chest and back and stomach get SPF 15 or SPF 30 , and they may or may not get a reapplication , depending on how responsible I 'm feeling that day . My legs , more often than not , get nothing . That 's right . Nothing . I think my legs look better tan . This habit is probably why the following conversation occurred when I visited my friend Dawn and her husband , Scott , in Philly a few weeks ago : It all begs the question : how tan is tan enough ? When will I be pleased with my level of leg - tan and stop feeling the need to go to the beach every time it 's sunny ? The answer , it seems , is never . This morning I told myself I would write until lunchtime then go to the beach in the afternoon . After all , I hadn 't sunbathed in a while , and heaven forbid my legs lose their tan ! I spent the morning alternately writing and slacking off . And when I mean slacking off , I mean doing things that aren 't writing . My slacking off included : However , despite all this slacking off , I managed to write nine and a half pages on my novel . Still , I wasn 't sure this was enough to warrant the treat of going to the beach in the afternoon . " I don 't know , Eva , " I told myself . " You could write more . Joyce Carol Oates would scoff at this measly bit of writing . " I guess that 's true with a lot of things . When do you know when to stop ? When you 've done what 's expected of you ? When you 're tired ? When you 've gone on a three - week - bender and written an entire novel on scrolls of paper ala Jack Kerouc ? When I first got to Cape Cod , I set myself the goal of writing five pages per day . But now that I 'm routinely exceeding that goal , I 'm not sure when to call it a day . Last night on the phone , a friend told me I haven 't set my goals high enough . But what if I set them too high and can 't reach them ? The thing is , we can always do more . I could always get tanner . I could always find more things in the house to clean . I could always write more ( and maybe I should ) . For other people , they can never make enough money , run enough marathons , buy enough clothes . But " enough " is a relative term . What 's enough for one person might not be enough for someone else . At some point , you just have to decide what " enough " will be for you , for today , and make it be true . On the other hand , if you have something you 're working towards , maybe it doesn 't hurt to keep pushing up the bar a little bit , making what counts as " enough " just a little more as time goes on . After my nine and a half pages , I ate lunch , then rode my bike to Crosby beach . The bike path smelled like jasmine , and I realized that it was good to get out of the house , away from the computer . I walked along the beach . The tide was really low . I spread out on my towel and told myself : one hour of laying in the sun . That 's enough . And it was . Then I came home and wrote this blog post . Because I 'm not Joyce Carol Oates , and I think I 've worked enough on my novel for today . Posted in More on Writing and tagged Eva Langston , garden of eva , sunbathing , writing guilt . Bookmark the permalink . Worry - Wart No More , or , Six Unfounded Fears About Writing My husband is something of a worry - wart . He is afraid of nonstick pans because he thinks they release chemicals into food . He is also afraid of breathing in chemicals , which is why he wears a respirator mask when he cleans the toilet . He 's afraid of germs , getting in trouble , eating day - old food , and he once said he was afraid I might get abducted at the library . He 's also afraid of anything and everything getting stolen . When we were driving cross - country , he brought his deconstructed 3 - D printer ( which comprised wires and pieces of metal and plexiglass ) into the hotel room each night because he was afraid someone would steal it out of the car . " Babe , " I told him , " no one wants that . It looks like a bunch of crap . No one will even know what it is . " ( Later I had to apologize for saying his 3 - D printer looked like a bunch of crap . ) And in my work as a manuscript consultant ( for more info , see here ) , I have noticed that some authors let themselves get bogged down with unnecessary worries , which takes time away from the actual writing . In this case , I 'm not talking about the fears that plague most creative - type people from time to time : Will I fail ? Is this any good ? What if I lose my ability to be creative ? Those worries are harder to banish . But take a look at the concerns below - these are unfounded fears you can forget about … and use that worry - wart energy instead towards your writing . Quit your worrying . Like I told Paul about his printer , no one wants your idea ( they have their own ! ) , and besides , they wouldn 't know what to do with it if they did steal it . Even if someone does write a book with a similar premise to yours , they won 't do it in the same way . The Twilight books and the Sookie Stackhouse series are both about mortal girls falling in love with handsome vampires , but they are drastically different books . Your book is going to be yours , and you don 't need to worry . Just write . This is something Paul was worried about before I set him straight . No , you do not need to get your work copyrighted , and in fact , this is often seen by agents as both amateur and pompous . As soon as you write ( or type or tweet ) words they are automatically copyrighted to you and fully protected under U . S . copyright law . Here 's what author Victoria Strauss has to say on the website Writer Beware : I 've set my novel in New Orleans , and I have a scene at St . Joe 's Bar . But what if they sue me for using their name ? Should I make up a fake name , like St . Joesphine 's ? What if someone who lives in New Orleans reads my book and says , " hey , St . Joesphine 's isn 't a real place ! This author doesn 't know s * & t about New Orleans and I 'm boycotting this book ! " OR , what if I use St . Joe 's as the name of the bar , but I get something wrong - like my character orders something they don 't serve there ? Maybe I need to get online and look at drink menus for different bars . Maybe I need to fly to New Orleans and spend two weeks drinking in bars as research … See how this can throw you off track ? Well , quit your worrying . It 's fine to use the names of real places . Unless you 're saying something terrible about the establishment ( that 's called libel ) or making something dreadful happen there ( like a murder ) then no one is going to sue you . In fact , chances are no one is going to sue you no matter what you write . No offense , but unless your book becomes a best - seller , the owner will probably never find out ( nor care if they do ) that you used the name of his / her business , and in general , businesses appreciate publicity . Maybe , one day down the line , you could even do a book reading there as cross - publicity . And as far as getting things " wrong , " if it 's something little , like your character ordering a type of beer that St . Joe 's doesn 't carry , no one is going to notice / care . If you 're worried you might make a bigger mistake , then maybe you should make up a name . You 'll have more wiggle room that way , and you don 't have to waste time researching a drink menu . So yes , it 's totally fine to make up fake names , even in real cities . When people read fiction , they expect that things are going to be made up . If they are reading your scene set at St . Joesphine 's , it 's true they might wonder if this is a real place in New Orleans , but they 're not going to discredit your book if they find out it 's not . So use the real name or pick a fake one and move on to the actual writing of your book . See worry number one . Just because it 's the same premise doesn 't mean the author has done it in the same way as you . It doesn 't hurt to read the similar book so you don 't go in the exact same direction , but chances are your book is totally different . It doesn 't matter . Do whatever you want for now . If your book gets picked up by a publisher , your editor will decide about all of that later . This is not your concern . Quit your worrying and write . Well of course your first draft is crappy . It 's a first draft ! That 's why first drafts are ( rarely ) published ( thank goodness ) . Let the manuscript sit for a while then come back to it and start revising . Don 't worry , your book will get there . Give it some time and some tough love . Now that I 've said all of this , I will admit that there are some things you should worry about . ( How to make money while you 're working on your novel , how to properly query an agent , etc . ) . But the six concerns listed above only waste your energy and resources . The key is to cast aside those irrational worries so you have more time to focus on what 's really important : your writing . Posted in More on Writing and tagged do i need a copyright , Eva Langston , garden of eva , steal my idea , victoria strauss , writer beware , writer worries . Bookmark the permalink . I 'm Trying to Cut Back , or , When Blogging Becomes Procrastinating When I started this blog over three years ago , it was because I had just quit my full - time job to focus on writing , and I needed something to get me back into the habit of writing . Back then , I posted nearly every day . Sometimes the post was all I wrote that day , but at least I was honing my writing skills and warming up my creative mind . Plus , it was a major confidence booster - a way to prove to myself that I had things to say and a creative way to say them . The blog was the kick - start I needed . But now the role of my blog has changed . In those three years , I have written four and a half novels . ( Two I 'm working on getting published , one is a " drawer novel " that will likely never see the light of day , one has some potential but needs a major rewrite , and the halfsie is what I 'm struggling to finish right now . ) These days , I don 't need to prove to myself that I can write ( although sometimes I still feel that I do ) . Instead , what I really need is to put in some solid hours of work each day on my various writing projects . These days I worry that I 'm using my blog as a procrastination tool . Instead of working on one of my novels , which can be a hard and thankless task that might take years or even decades to see to fruition , I will choose to write a blog entry so I can get the immediate satisfaction of posting it and watching as people " like " and retweet it . It 's addictive , that rush you get when you know people are reading and appreciating something you wrote . But I don 't want to become a blog - writing junkie who never produces anything long - lasting . For the past two years I 've posted twice a week , on Mondays and Thursdays . I spend anywhere from one to three hours on a post , which means that each week I 'm losing up to six hours of precious time that I could be spending on my writing projects . ( Not to mention the time I spend checking to see who has " liked " and retweeted my post . ) So I 've decided to cut back and stop procrastinating . From now on , I will post only once a week : on Wednesdays . It 's going to be hard for me . I might go through a bit of withdrawl . But I think this is going to be good for me in the end and set me on the path to a more healthy writing habit . Posted in More on Writing and tagged blogging procrastination , Eva Langston , garden of eva , writing procrastination . Bookmark the permalink . Chicken & Yogurt , or , How Making Lists Can Help You Write Recently I went to Mexico for five weeks , leaving my dear husband at home to fend for himself . He did a pretty good job . After all , he did manage to feed and clothe himself for years before I came along . But , as he 'll be quick to admit , living with me has increased his standards , and he 's grown accustomed to a certain lifestyle of health and tidiness . While I was away , he tried hard to maintain this lifestyle . He learned how to make his own fruit - and - veggie smoothies . He made the bed most mornings . But , he also had some struggles . One day I was talking to him on Skype and noticed , in the background , that all the kitchen cabinet doors were open - and the cabinets were empty . " Where are all the dishes ? " I asked . Paul glanced behind his shoulder . " Oh . Um . Yeah . They 're all dirty . " He then told me about his recent trip to the grocery store . He didn 't know what to buy , so he ended up buying four pounds of chicken and six pounds of yogurt … and that 's it . " It was twenty dollars worth of yogurt , " he said . " I got up to the cashier , and she probably thought I was crazy . Like , what am I going to do with all this chicken and yogurt ? " " Paul lost weight while you were away , " one of his coworkers told me the other day . " I think he ate nothing but beans and rice for a month . " And , apparently , chicken and yogurt . " I don 't know . " I laughed . " I think about what we have , and what we need , and what we might want to eat . " Do I make a list ? Ha - what a question ! At any given moment you 'll find at least three lists on my desk . One is usually a grocery list . But I also write lists with to - dos , people I need to call , topics to write about , books to read , fun things to do on the weekend . The other day I sent Paul and email with a list of places I want to go before I die . He thought it was weird , but what can I say ? Making lists makes me feel in control of my life . When I was in high school , I used to make " favorite " lists in my diary . I would list top my ten favorite outfits , bands , food , books , people . I would list boys I had crushes on , and , as I got older , I 'd make lists of the boys I 'd kissed . I thought I would use these lists when I grew up to be a writer and needed to remember what it was like to be a teenager in the 90 's . That was my reasoning back then , but I think what the lists actually did was help me define and understand myself at that crucial time in my life . I think making lists can be really helpful for all sorts of reasons , including writing . And I 'm not talking about those " list " articles that pop up online and tempt me into wasting time by clicking through them , although it 's true people do like those . What I 'm talking about is making lists as a part of the writing process . She says that until you answer questions like these , developing your writing goals can be difficult . " You 've got to tackle the big questions : Who am I ? What genre should I specialize in ? How do I want to be remembered ? " Both Truby and Schmidt recommend looking for patterns in these lists and using the lists to determine the answer to this one question : what is it that you love ? Because that is what you should be writing about . If you are writing about something you love , the writing will come easier than if you 're writing what you think people want to read , or what you think you should be writing . Like my " favorites " lists from high school , you are defining and understanding yourself as a writer . In a way it 's similar to making a grocery list . You think about what you have already - your experiences and passions , for example . Then you think about what you need - the sort of book that will make you feel proud and understood . Finally you think about what you want . Because , most importantly , you should be writing a book that you would totally want to read . Posted in More on Writing and tagged Anatomy of Story , book in a month , Eva Langston , garden of eva , John Truby , lists to help writers , prewriting , Victoria Schmidt . Bookmark the permalink . ← Older Posts
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I really wanted to try and do it all without resorting to a zipcar , partly because I 'm cheap , and partly because I really want to do as much as possible without requiring a car . On Saturday Kira and I needed to go to her hairdresser in Somerville for her hair to be touched up . We had an 11 : 30am appointment . Before leaving , I mapped out a couple of possible routes on the MBTA trip planner . Armed with printed itineraries and maps we set out at 10 : 10am . Our original plan was to take the Green Line E branch train to Lechmere and catch a bus that would get us within a quarter mile of the appointment . The train came right away , which was a good thing , and it looked like it was scheduled to go all the way to Lechmere . Sadly - the green line doesn 't always do what you might want and the train ended up ending service at North Station . We had to get off and wait for another train . We only had about 15 minutes to catch our bus connection . We waited about 5 minutes for another green line train , but it didn 't come and we ended up going down to the orange line ( our 2nd possible itinerary ) . This route also had a bus connection that would have gotten us to within a block of our destination - but we unfortunately missed it and ended up walking about 1 . 2 miles to the appointment and arrived about 5 minutes late . Because we were already on that side of town , we decided to combine trips and made our way over to the Cambridgeside Galleria to shop for some summer clothes for both Kira and Noah . All public transportation worked out perfectly for this set - I had a bus schedule on me that showed me how to get from somerville to lechmere very easily . Today we went to our garden in Roxbury by bike . I finally did it ! I 'd been fearing this trip because of the uphill part and knew that I 'd just have to bite the bullet and try it . Indeed there are quite a few hills along the way , but we made it in about 18 minutes . I ended up walking up the lPosted by ( by Pat ) We haven 't really missed the car yet , though Tracy and Kira might wish they had it tomorrow - - because Kira has a hair appointment in Somerville . I think they 're planning to take the T ( 2 trains and a bus ) . I rode my bike downtown this afternoon ( it actually stopped raining ! ) to the Registry of Motor Vehicles to turn in the license plates on our car . I brought the plates , all the copies of the title and bill of sale , and a book , since when I left , the web site said waits were running up to half an hour . I know people like to pick on the RMV for poor service , but I 've always had good experiences there ( this is the Boston branch ) . The greeter knew right where to send me . I only got to sit for about ten second before they called my number . The woman at the counter took my plates and didn 't need the other paperwork . She quickly printed out the receipt , with multiple copies for our insurance company and to get a rebate on our excise tax , and she also gave me a rebate form for the registration fee that we 'd recently paid . It took about 60 seconds . Kudos to them ! Getting downtown by bike is definitely the fastest option . Driving a car would have taken longer and cost too much to park . It 's pretty far to walk . And the RMV is totally accessible by T , but it would have cost me almost $ 5 and been a lot slower . ( by Pat ) We sold the car tonight . I wasn 't even sure we 'd have anyone to look at it until dinnertime . I 'd responded to a bunch of e - mails earlier today ( all from Craigslist - - cars . com was a bust ) , which was good , then one of the potential buyers called while we were eating dinner and said they 'd be over around 7 . He said if they were interested , he 'd close the deal in cash tonight . A little after seven , a married couple and their 11 - year - old son showed up to take a look at the car . Turns out they have three boys , all hockey players , and their old minivan has died , so they need a replacement . The husband took our car for a short test drive , and then the wife took her turn ( she was shy about it , even though she 's the one who will be driving it ) . My son bounced out of the house and quickly made friends with the visiting son , and they rode together in the back seat , as we tooled around the neighborhood . Apparently it passed the test , and they offered $ 3 , 200 , citing tires that need replacing soon ( valid point ) and the original battery that might need replacing in the near future . We weren 't in this purely to maximize our return , so we didn 't plan to bargain too hard . Plus , now that we 'd made the mental commitment to going without a car , the vehicle seemed like a heavy weight holding us back from taking the step . So we took the offer and finalized the deal . ( Signed the title , bill of sale , scraped off parking stickers , took out toll transponder , removed license plates . ) And that was it . They drove off into the drizzle , and suddenly we no longer owned a car . It felt pretty weird , a little bit of nervous butterflies . At a recent screening of the movie " Fresh " , the director remarked that a Pakistani friend of hers said , " Americans are wonderful , so brave . The only thing they fear is inconvenience . " Well , I guess we 're facing inconvenience right in the face , and we 'll see how it works out . Up until now , the whole car - free idea has been pretty theoretical . If you have it , you can say that you 're not going to use it , but you alwaPosted by ( by Pat ) Well , last week saw a couple showings of the car , but no takers . We decided to try listing the car on www . cars . com , which cost $ 15 for a two - week ad . We put the ad up on Sunday , but so far not even a nibble . Our Craigslist ad expired on Monday , so I reposted it tonight , though it 's not showing up yet in the main search . I 'm seeing prices all over the place , but for the mileage on our car , it still seems like we 're in a pretty good range , and we 're still a couple hundred dollars below Blue Book value . Hm . On Cars . com , we 're at least $ 2 , 000 below what the dealers are asking for a 2003 Dodge Caravan . I hope we 'll see some more potential buyers this week ( and that the rain will stop ) . I had to take my daughter and bunch of her friends to a soccer tournament on Saturday , so I need to get back in there and clean it out again so that it still sparkles . ( by Tracy ) While Pat went to Haymarket by bike , I worked on the rest of the grocery shopping . First Noah and I went to Trader Joe 's where we got four bags of groceries . Noah carried one in his backpack ( very light ) and I put two in baskets on my bike and one in my backpack . Later , after I dropped him off at a playdate , I rode to Whole Foods ( uphill for two miles ) , got another bag of groceries , and then coasted downhill for two miles to Stop and Shop where I finished up with three more bags . Not bad , two trips , eight bags of groceries . It took a total of an hour and 45 minutes . It was a hot , muggy day , so I was hot and tired when I returned , but it definitely felt like an accomplishment and a good workout . I think the total distance was equivalent to a round trip to work for me about six miles . ( by Pat ) Today , we 're doing our grocery shopping as if we had no car ( for practice ) . The rain 's giving us a little bit of a break this morning , so I biked to Haymarket for our produce . Haymarket is a terrific outdoor produce market that offers fruit and veggies that didn 't sell to restaurants that week ( it 's sort of like the discount outlet of produce ) . Today I paid $ 25 for 30 pounds of fruit and veggies . It took me 25 minutes to get there , 20 minutes to get home ( the whole trip , including shopping was 80 minutes ) , which is much faster than I would have gotten by T . It 's not feasible to shop at Haymarket by car , since there 's no parking , or if I paid to park , it 'd eat up the savings . Google Maps says that it 's 3 . 7 miles one way to Haymarket ( the walking directions feature of Google Maps is really helpful for look up bike routes , BTW ) . On an early Saturday morning , traffic is no problem , and it 's a pretty fun ride . If I go with my son , I go a longer route that takes us via the Charles River ( beautiful but longer ) . It 's nice to save money and get exercise at the same time , no doubt about it . ( by Pat ) Last week 's Sunday New York Times Magazine featured this article on high speed trains , which have been highly successful in Japan and Europe , but have struggled to catch on in the U . S . Much of the article is a look at plans to build a super speedy train between L . A . and San Francisco . I dearly wish that they could get an affordable high speed train between Boston and New York . Right now , Amtrak is never on time and wildly expensive . I can take a bus to NYC for $ 15 one way . Sounds like if California gets their train right , it might positively impact the rest of the country 's plans . ( Or if it fails . . . ) ( by Pat ) Showed the car to another prospect today - - a brother and sister ( immigrants again - - interesting class and frugality issues showing up in the for sale by owner used car scenario ) . He said his brother - in - law is a mechanic and they may come back . No one has been ready to go for a spin yet . Three maybes so far , but I don 't have a sense whether they 'll actually come back or not . I 'll follow up tomorrow . I had one appointment cancel today , but he said he 'd get back to me this weekend . Got one response today that I suspect is a scam . He only left a phone number , and when I called , he said he lived in New York . But he was very interested in buying a van , right away . He wanted me to resend the link with a photo . Then he called me back and said he 'd be interested in driving up to buy the car , but only if I could sell it for $ 3 , 000 . I told him that I had enough interest in the car already that I didn 't need to drop the price yet . And I hated to see him drive 5 hours to get here and then not like the car . ( I 'd also read some strong warnings on Craigslist to beware of out - of - state buyers trying to run a scam , so my radar was on alert . ) He called me back a little later , and said he really wanted a van right away , and could pay $ 3 , 200 . I said no again , but that I 'd call him back if I couldn 't sell it . But it just doesn 't feel right . I think we 're going to make a little house rule that we 're only going to sell to local buyers ( now that we 've reread the scam warnings on Craigslist ) . It 's odd to have someone be in such a rush - - the other prospective buyers are definitely taking their time . And weird to have someone want to buy a car without even having seen it in person or having driven it , and when there are other similar cars listed on Craigslist much closer to NYC than Boston . Odd . ( by Pat ) We 've had five people from Craigslist ask to see the car so far , which feels good , since it was only posted on Monday . Two people stopped by on Tuesday , and I 'm hoping for two more today . The first guy came with his wife and small daughter , looking to move into a larger car for their growing family . They were Hispanic immigrants - - she didn 't speak much English , but he was fluent and we hit it off pretty well . He seemed to like the car , but she was disappointed it doesn 't have electric windows . ( It 's a pretty basic car , but I figure that 's just less stuff to break . ) They didn 't have time to take it for a drive , but said they might come back for another look . We 'll see . The second guy was a mechanic , I 'm guessing he was from India , and brought along his aged father . He looked it over and didn 't turn his nose up at the car , which is a good sign . Turns out he 's looking for a car for his wife , so he said he 'd have to come back with her , maybe on Friday . My experience selling other things on Craigslist is that half the time people never show up , so I was glad these folks actually came to look at the car . I 'm curious to see how many viewings it 'll take . Ten ? So far , we 've only listed it on Craigslist , but we might try cars . com pretty soon , as well as other sites . It 's been a busy week around here with other life stuff , so this has been about all the traffic I can handle at the moment . At the moment , the idea of having this extra cash from the sale of car gives us a perpetual list of stuff we plan to do with the money - - buy a new light for my bike , sign up for a bike repair class , frame a picture , go out for pizza , etc . We have a growing list that would require us to sell several cars , but it 's fun to think about anyway . We 're still using the car a little bit , while it 's here , but are trying to do a lot more by bike and T ( though there 's a soccer tournament this weekend , where I 'm supposed to bring five players , and it might not be so bad if the car isn 't sold quite yet . . . ) ( by Pat ) I found a few helpful web sites with info on selling a used car . The Car Guys have a few pages that break it down , step by step , that was particularly helpful . Also the Rocket Lawyer has a place where you can get a free Bill of Sale document . The Car Guys reminded me that I should call the Massachusetts Registry of Motor Vehicles , just to make sure I 'm clear on what needs to happen . They have a ton of info on the web site , but I just couldn 't find the answers I needed , so I tried by phone . I had to wait on hold for about 20 minutes , after twice getting lost in the phone maze ( calling it a tree seems too kind ) , but I finally did get to talk to a human . She was both friendly and helpful and confirmed what the Car Guys had written , that once we make the sale happen , getting signatures and copies of the Bill of Sale and signed Title , we need to keep the license plates ( I 'd forgotten about that part ) and then turn them in at an RMV office . They 'll give us a Plate Return Receipt , which we will then give to our insurance company , and we can also use it to get back a refund of the excise tax we paid this year on the car . Now we just need to get it to happen . ( by Pat ) Washed the car today , and Tracy listed it for sale on Craig 's List tonight . Which made it start to feel a little real - - this might actually happen . Within two hours , we had our first response by someone who might come by tomorrow . This makes it seem a lot more real and makes me feel a lot more nervous . We 're so conditioned to feeling the importance of owning a car . Learning to drive is an American rite of passage , as is buying that first car . I 've owned cars for the past 21 years . Buying and owning a car makes me feel like a grown up . Which , now that I think about it , sort of pisses me off , because I don 't want my adult identity defined by something that someone wants me to buy . I 'm curious to see how this goes tomorrow . ( by Pat ) I spent a couple hours hours emptying the car of all the crap that had accumulated and cleaning every possible inch . It 's amazing how much junk falls in a minivan courtesy of two kids ( food and pencils , mostly ) . Sometimes I wonder if empty water bottles actually have the ability to breed in minivan captivity . And blue marker really does come out of the backs of the driver seats ( yay ) . I 'm a bit puzzled as to why car washes are not open at 8pm on Sunday nights , but I assume it 's some odd Boston Blue Law , dating back to the Pilgrims ( they were very strict about drinking , public lewdness , and the washing of cars ) . According to the Kelly Blue Book online , we could expect to get as much as $ 3 , 985 for our car . It 's a 2003 Dodge Caravan with 75 , 000 miles . Runs pretty good , but has a dent in the back from some idiot who didn 't realize he didn 't know how to parallel park . It 's a sturdy , reliable car . Since we 're ready to move ahead and sell this thing , I think we 'll probably try to sell it for $ 3 , 400 - $ 3 , 500 , which seems to make it competitive with other cars for sale . It 's been 10 years since I last sold a car , so I 'm curious to see how things have changed . I figure we 'll list it on Craigslist and see what happens , and maybe try a couple other web sites , if necessary . Now that I 've got it all cleaned , I don 't really want to let any children back inside . Tracy says we should just basically act like it 's already been sold and start living our lives as if we don 't have the car . Which makes a certain amount of sense ( especially since we had another little car binge day today , with a visit to the garden and 3 grocery stores and Target ( we stocked up on kitty litter for a while - - very hard to get home on a bicycle ) ) . I 'm a little nervous about all of this . In a way , it feels almost like moving . Once this happens , we 'll have a different sense of geography for a while , just like when you move to a new house - - our patterns of movement around the Boston area will definitely change . ( by Tracy ) No wonder our economy is so messed up . The costs of things don 't really match the energy or effort required to provide them . Lately I 've had to price a few trips . Here 's the summary : one - way Amtrak train trip to New Haven , CT , regular , not Acela - $ 74weekend car rental ( 2 . 5 days ) from Enterprise Rent - a - Car , pick up at Logan Airport , which I used to drive to New Haven and back - $ 89one - way flight to Chicago on American Airlines - $ 89So on a per mile basis the train ride is the most expensive option here . That just seems wrong . ( by Pat ) Actually rode my bike to a doctor 's appointment today , rather than taking the car , despite some light drizzle on the way out . 6 - 7 mile round trip ( when you add on some errands to the end ) . It only takes an extra 5 - minutes each way to go by bike vs . car ( though it 's faster by bike at rush hour ) , and I really liked getting some exercise . ( And very glad that my bike didn 't get stolen , despite having forgotten my lock . That 's a big advantage of having a $ 65 Craig 's List special rather than a fancy bike . ) The thing I love about riding is how alert I am when I get someplace . My mind is always super sharp after dodging cars in Boston traffic . ( by Pat ) As we 're getting closer to the day of actually getting rid of the car , you 'd think we 'd sort of ease into it , right ? Start the month using it two or three times a week , and then wind down to almost zero . Instead , we 've been doing the opposite , taking part in a frenzy of internal combustion ( which sounds vaguely unseemly ) . On Sunday , we went on a little road trip to visit small farms and farm stands in Concord and Bedford and went to the mall . Grocery shopped by car . Visited the garden by car . Yesterday , I picked up some films I 'd had transferred to DVD , by car . And drove to the garden again . Today , I drove an hour each way to a play reading at a high school in Littleton , MA ( the kids were great ) , then off to coach soccer practice in the drizzle . Maybe we 're just trying to make the most of having the car around while it 's still here . Or else it 's subliminal denial , or something . Tomorrow the rain is supposed to let up , so maybe I 'll take my bike to my appointments instead of the car . This is a particularly busy time of year , and the car is a tool I use when I try to cram too much into too little time . I wonder if this little pre - disappearance surge is how it works for everyone who tries this . ( by Pat ) For some reason ( probably at one point , it was to keep out the riff - raff , and now it 's probably because people make money renting spaces and can 't afford to give up the income ) there is no overnight parking on the street in Brookline . This means that you have to have a parking space for your car , and if you don 't own one , you need to rent one . It also means that when your backyard neighbor is having her building repointed and you r car can 't stay in its regular spot , you need to move it every morning and every night . That 's what 's up right now - - at 6am , I have to move the car out of our backyard space and find a space on the street , and every night , I need to put the car back . I should say cars , actually , because I have to move our neighbor 's car , too , because they 're out of town , and it 's a pretty intricate puzzle in the little lot behind our house . We pay $ 75 - $ 100 / month for parking , plus $ 25 / year to be able to park more than 2 hours in front of your own house . Soon , none of these will be anything I have to deal with . I won 't miss it . ( by Tracy ) My biggest worry about getting rid of our car is taking care of our garden . Since we have no yard to speak of , we depend on a community garden plot to care for our green thumbs . It 's only a mile and half away - so it shouldn 't be a big deal , right ? I should be able to bike it but I 'm a little worried because it 's all up hill going there and in the hot summer months I anticipate that it will be unpleasant to make that trek . The fact that this is my biggest worry is kind of funny . It 's only a mile and a half and there is even a bus that goes frequently along the route to get there . Jeez - it 's even possible to walk it . I guess my concern is that the extra time that it takes will become just a big enough obstacle that we 'll go less and less . I need to fight this worry with action - I just need to get out there and bike the route and see how it is . Maybe getting a downhill route the whole way home will be such a joy , I 'll look forward to going just for the thrill . : - ) Pat 's already done it - It took him about 20 minutes there and about 10 minutes back . No biggie . I 'll have to report back when I 've done it . ( by Pat ) Right now , our tentative date for actually starting to try to sell the car is June 14 . On June 13th , Kira has her last travel soccer game , which also means it 'll be the last travel soccer game that I 'm coaching . Travel soccer has been the biggest reason we 've needed to keep the car , because of two practices every week and a game every Saturday ( and lots of gear to haul back and forth ) . But next year , Kira will be in high school and I won 't be coaching , so that excuse will be gone . So , on June 14th , we 'll clean up the minivan and try to figure out how best to sell it . ( by Pat ) This is part 3 of the series that I wrote in January , on The Writing Life x3 blog . Okay , this is the last bit about getting rid our car for now ( really ) , at least until we finally do it . I thought I 'd lay out what it costs for us to own a car , how much it 'll cost to get around without one ( since we still do have to get around ) , and see if we 'll save money . Monthly Costs of owning a car for us : Ownership / Purchase . . . . $ 150 * Insurance . . . . $ 75Gas . . . . . $ 120 * * Repairs and Maintenance . . . . . $ 100Parking . . . . $ 100Tolls and taxes : $ 25Total : $ 570 per monthSo , a bit of explanation . For cost of ownership , I used what we paid for our car , spread out over ten years . Now , we paid off the car a while ago , but I think it 's important to keep this in the calculation , because if we 're in a cycle of car ownership we should always be setting aside money for the next purchase ( borrowing money to buy a fast - depreciating car is not a smart financial move ) . For us , we tend to buy a new car and drive it until the repair costs rise too high . ( We currently have a 2003 Dodge Caravan with 75 , 000 miles on it . ) Repairs and maintenance are an expected average over that time period . The figure I used for gas is a little less than our average for 2008 , but prices were unusually high in 2008 , though I think prices won 't stay as low as they are now , and likely will spike again over the next few years , as worldwide demand recovers . So , $ 570 a month for the ready use of our car . But of course , even if we got rid of it , we 'd still have to get around , which won 't be entirely free . What it might cost to get around ( per month ) : Car rental : $ 90 ( 0ne weekend , every other month ) Zipcar : $ 60 ( costs $ 10 / hour or so ) T pass : $ 60Bike stuff : $ 40Total : $ 250These are guesses , of course . Maybe we 'll need Zipcar and rentals a lot more than I think . I 'm not sure about the T pass , because Tracy already gets a monthly pass through work , and we tend to just share that one between the two of us . I 've put in $ 40 for bike stuff , which includes tune - ups and ownership Posted by ( by Pat ) This is part 2 in a series of blog posts that I wrote on The Writing Life x3 , back in January . We live in a car culture , and I 'm definitely a part of that , even if I don 't really see the type of car I own as defining my identity . So the idea of not owning up a car ends up bringing up a bunch of concerns ( and people voice these to me , if they 've always had cars in their families ) . What about in an emergency , especially something medical ? This one 's not that tough , actually . We live about 400 yards away from an emergency room . I could crawl there if I needed to . And I could easily call a cab to take one of us to our regular doctor 's office , which is about 3 miles away . What if the dog or cats get sick ? Not quite so sure about this one . Zipcar ( even though you 're not supposed to have pets in the car ) or maybe a cab ? What about grocery shopping ? That 's easy . We have a little cart , backpacks , and lots of baskets on our bikes . Plus they 'll deliver . As will the hardware store and office supply store . What about when the kids are old enough to learn to drive ? Driver 's ed , or borrow a car . They 'll grumble , but that 's life in the city , kids . This way they certainly won 't expect us to buy them a car , right ? Maybe it 'll make me crazy , because sometimes it 'll take so long to get to places by bus or train . Yeah , but let 's just say patience is something I need to work on anyway . Doing things faster and even getting places faster isn 't always as much the ideal solution as it seems . This will not be easy for me to accept . It 'll be hard to visit my favorite grocery store , Russo 's in Watertown . True . Just have to live with it , or use zipcar ( I could get there by bus , but I 'm not sure I have that much patience . ) It 'll be harder to go to meetings / events in suburbs . True . Maybe it 'll make me work even harder at building / joining groups and organizations in my own back yard . If they 're important enough , I 'll spend the money to rent a car . Or I 'll keep getting in better shape for longer bike rides . Or maybe I 'll join bike advocacy groupsPosted by ( by Pat ) This is actually a post from my other blog , The Writing Life x3 , that I wrote in January , but it sets the stage for what we 're up to . ( It 's a series of 3 . ) We 've played around with the idea of us going car - less ever since we moved to Boston . But for various reasons , it never quite seemed practical ( it was very handy to have a car while ferrying around small children and fixing up houses ) . However , we also recognized that if ever there was a chance for us to live without a car , this might be it - - Boston is extremely walkable and has a decent public transportation system . Still , it never happened . ( And still hasn 't happened . ) A few things have happened since we first moved to the Boston area ( in 2000 ) that have increased the practicality of living without a car : We moved to Brookline , in a neighborhood where the kids can walk to school , and we can walk to grocery stores and other shopping . The kids are older , and so can ride bikes to get places . We 've become increasingly aware of our carbon footprint and increasingly concerned about the effects of human generated carbon emissions on global warming . I know there are still a few people out there who are unconvinced that people are having an impact on the world 's climate in a clear and negative way . I might suggest they look at it like Pascal 's Wager . In this case , if we change our behavior , based on the belief that global warming is due to human impact , and it 's true , then we did the right thing . If it turns out to be false , we will have made changes that pollute the environment less and might have other benefits . In fact , I think that if you are convinced that human generated carbon emissions are having a negative impact on global climate , you might even have a moral imperative to take action ( stopping eating meat will have a bigger impact than buying a Prius or selling your car , by the way ) . We live very close to several Zipcar sites , so we could easily rent a car on short notice , if we needed to . Tracy has a Zipcar membership subsidized through her workplace . So , Posted by We 're a family of four living in the Boston area ( Brookline actually , just a few feet over the Boston line ) and we 're planning to get rid of our car . Lots of people in Brookline and Boston live just fine without cars , but it 's taken us a while to get serious about getting rid of ours . For a while , the main excuse was the the kids were too little . But now they 're 14 and 9 and perfectly able to get around by bicycle , and we live close enough to school and their friends for them to walk to where they need to go . Gas prices rising to $ 4 a gallon gave us a good excuse to run the numbers again on what it would mean to get rid of our car . It turns out that getting rid of it will probably save us quite a bit of money ( even with gas at $ 2 / gallon ) . And it 'll be good for the environment for us to be driving less , and we 'll get in better shape . Since Christmas , we 've been telling people ( it was even in our Christmas letter ) that we 're going to get rid of our car . Well , now it 's time to actually make it happen . This blog will probably just run for a little while , long enough to detail actually unloading the car itself and talking about the subsequent changes to our lives . Our hope is that it might provide some insight for other people who decide to give up their cars and start using alternative forms of transportation . For this blog , we 'll both ( and maybe the kids , too ) be posting about our experiences around the transition , and we 'll also be sharing all kinds of information about articles and organizations that focus on life in America ( or at least Boston ) without a car .
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The lovely Zooarcheaologist from Being A Mummy has started a dream meme . She wrote beautifully about her dream life in a dream house . She kindly tagged me . I 'm quite behind with all these memes , tags and awards . I had intended to do a mega - meme post and list them all , but for some reason this dream meme got me thinking . I 've been thinking about it all morning . I 've had a bleugh few days . I 'm not well . Before you reach for the disinfectant , it 's not swine flu ! I suppose I have some virus or other . For some reason one of the symptoms appears to be extreme grumpiness . Another is a complete lack of tolerance for my children 's behaviour . I feel like a rotten mother . When I was pregnant with Presley , my colleagues referred to me as Earth Mother . I 'd expressed a desire to : have a natural birth , breastfeed , babywear , use washable nappies , cook wholesome organic food from scratch . I did all of these things , some for a lot longer than others . This doesn 't make me an Earth Mother , but there are worse labels . Then I had another baby , Cash , less than a year later . Thirteen months on and some aspects of parenting are getting easier , but others are still firmly in the ' it 's really hard work ' category . Maybe it 's because I 'm 39 and not as fit as I 'd like to be . I get tired . CBeebies is my friend and part - time babysitter . What I 've been dreaming about all morning is being Supermummy . I want to be a fragrant yummy mummy , a domestic goddess . I want to be Mary Poppins and Nigella Lawson all rolled into one Supermummy package . My dream is to always have a smile on my face , have the patience of a saint and the clean , organised house of Anthea Turner . My children will be bright , enthusiastic learners with excellent manners . They will not poke each other in the eye , push each other over , turn the TV on and off and on and off repeatedly . They will eat everything they are given and play together nicely . Back in the real world , forget all the labels . All I really want is to be a good mum and to have happy children . When the boys wake up from theiThis is My Dream - A Meme Saturday was the big date . On Friday night I washed my hair . Despite blow - drying it , the fringe I cut myself didn 't get any longer . I even shaved my legs . I regretted this as I watched blood pour down the plughole . My scabby ankle looked worse than a hairy one ! I took Presley along for moral support and took a seat in the Preston PizzaExpress . After a few minutes the first of my ' dates ' turned up . Lindy from Squidgyboo arrived with her beautiful daughter Squidge . Presley and Squidge eyed each other up and then decided to do some drawing with the pencils provided . Next to arrive was Yummy Mammy . Closely followed by Sally from Who 's The Mummy ? with her adorable daughter Flea . I felt slightly awkward to start with . As Sally pointed out we all know a bit about each other from reading our blogs , but this is the first time we have met in person . This awkwardness didn 't last long and we were soon chatting away . We talked about blogging , but we mainly discussed our lives , where we lived and our families . I 'm no stranger to this blind date business . I met my husband Andy on the internet . We even went to a PizzaExpress as part of our eight hour long first date . We both had the same pizza , but different drinks . Ahhh . Anyway , I digress , back to Saturday ! We all enjoyed the food . Dough balls , unsurprisingly , were a rather popular starter . We all had a pizza . I was the only one who tried the new Leggera , the pizza with a hole in the centre filled with salad . I normally order pizza and salad anyway and never eat it all , so this was ideal for me . I would have preferred less rocket in my salad , but was pleased the salad came with dressing . Only the children had a pudding . They all had ice cream with chocolate sauce . There was only one major incident . We didn 't see it happen , but Presley was the main suspect . One of Flea 's play people ( a policeman no less ) met a sticky end in Presley 's ice cream . Six baby wipes and four napkins later he was returned , shaken , to his rightful owner ! We had a lovely time , but I 'm sorry to say the service was Blogger Blind Date ! The lovely Linda Jones has asked me ( and others ) to post this press release on their blogs . I 'm happy to oblige . This is a wonderful campaign that I will be supporting . Oh yes I will ! UK parent bloggers are joining forces to laugh their socks off while raising cash for a children 's cancer charity . Bloggers are signing up for The Great Panto Review 2009 which will benefit NACCPO - The National Alliance of Childhood Cancer Parents ' Organisations . Leading theatres in England , Scotland and Wales have agreed to give bloggers access so their reviews can spread ' word of mouth ' throughout the blogospshere . Cardiff 's New Theatre where John Barrowman is appearing as Robin Hood and the Birmingham Hippodrome where Ray Quinn and Joe Pasquale will star in Sleeping Beauty were among the first to pledge to welcome the bloggers and back the charity effort . Reports will be featured at http : / / www . havealovelytime . com which is an " umbrella " family travel and activities site featuring reports from top UK parent bloggers . Writers taking part will be asked to donate to NACCPO , while readers will also be asked to give generously . Panto reviews will also be published on the bloggers ' own sites as well as being promoted through social media platforms such as facebook , Twitter , Stumbleupon and Digg . Contributors , many of whom are also members at http : / / britishmummybloggers . ning . com , are currently contacting more theatres large and small to request review tickets or places at panto media previews . http : / / www . havealovelytime . com editor and mum of two Linda Jones said she came up with the idea after being approached by several large corporations including Disney and Ford to write about their products and wanted to harness the resulting ' word of mouth ' to do something positive at Christmas time . She said : " It has been very exciting to see how well this has taken off so far . The bloggers and their families who are reviewing the shows are over the moon and we have had nothing but positive feedback from theatres approached . " Bloggers ' Festive Theatre Campaign to Boost Children 's Cancer Charity ( oh yes it is ) I saw in my diary that tomorrow ( 26th September ) is Grandparents ' Day . I think it 's one of those newfangled Hallmark days . You know , those days invented by card manufacturers , florists and chocolatiers to make a few extra sales in the lull before Halloween , Bonfire Night and Christmas . I won 't be buying a card , well I make my own anyway , but it did make me think about the role of grandparents . We seem to be returning to the good old days of looking after our elderly relatives . Years ago it was common for families to include three generations in one home . If you were posh you had a granny annex . These days , in ' credit crunch Britain ' with house prices still beyond the reach of many first time buyers , many families are pooling their property resources and living together again . I think this is a good thing , particularly for the grandchildren . Having said that , I don 't want my mother or my in - laws living here ! We moved from Surrey to Lancashire when Presley was three months old . It was a wrench moving away from friends , and in particular I miss my NCT group and their babies . We moved to be near Andy 's family . It was for more than free babysitting , although this is useful ! Having Grandma close by was extremely helpful when I was pregnant with Cash . I had to go to the hospital twice a week from 28 weeks due to concerns over his growth . This would have been tricky if I had to take the 9 - 12 month Presley with me for those long mornings sat in waiting rooms . Andy 's parents adore Presley and Cash and the feeling is mutual . If I tell Presley that we 'll be seeing Grandma and Grandad today , he raises his arms and shouts ' Hooway ' . It 's great for the boys to spend time with their cousins too . Presley 's favourite thing to do is run around the garden with his Grandad , as you can see from the photograph above . He also likes digging in the vegetable patch . I always take a change of clothes with us in case of muddy puddle incidents . I get on well with my in - laws , although Andy 's Mum is obsessed with feeding the boys chocolate and biscuitsGrandparents ' Day You know that heart - stopping , sinking feeling you get when you scan a room full of toddlers and momentarily you can 't see your child ? Try to imagine that feeling lasting for a bit longer , for a few minutes perhaps . Feel sick yet ? This afternoon I gathered up Cash at the end of Playgroup . Presley was riding round on a toy tractor . I told him that I was putting Cash in the pushchair and I would come back for him . I put Cash 's coat on and started fastening the pushchair straps . I looked round to see where Presley was . I could see the abandoned tractor , but no Presley . The church hall was emptying . I had the heart - stopping , sinking feeling . I scanned the hall again . I looked into the empty Wendy House . ' Where 's Presley ? ' , I asked . The few people around didn 't know who I meant . I knew I wouldn 't be able to spot him with his new short hair , so how would they ? We haven 't been coming for that long . ' Presley ' , I called . Nothing . ' PRESLEY . . . PRESLEY ' . Still nothing . ' I can 't find my little boy ' . I asked the Playgroup leader , Lisa , to watch Cash . I felt an awful rising panic . I ran outside . ' Is there a little boy out here ? ' . The other mothers deigned to stop their chatting to look at me like I was a bit simple . ' I can 't find my little boy , have you seen a boy , running around ? ' . They hadn 't . I ran back in . I think the others were looking for Presley and discussing where he could be , but I couldn 't hear properly . I felt like I was under water . Sound was muffled . Above the sound of rushing water I heard Lisa say ' he could be out the back ' . I ran to the first door . Beyond this door were three closed doors . What if he was stuck in a cupboard ? ' PRESLEY ' . I tried the first door , it was locked . I thought I 'm not going to find him . I opened the second door . He wasn 't in the kitchen , but Maggie , who was washing up , hadn 't seen him . She came out with me and we tried the third door . This led out to the church entrance . He wasn 't there . She assured me the external doors were locked . She showed me the doors were locked . She said ' he can 't get out ' I Can 't Find My Little Boy I had a lovely night out tonight at Word Soup , Preston 's premier live literature event . Well , that 's what they call it , and it 's true ! In the interval a young woman at the next table turned her chair round to say hello . She didn 't want to be sat on her own . Mel was a journalism student , 20 , who was live - tweeting the event . She was very friendly , although I guessed we didn 't have a great deal in common . Then she asked me a question . A question I 'm still not used to answering . She asked me ' what do you do ? ' . In the past I would usually say ' I 'm an accountant ' , sometimes I would say ' I work in accounts ' . I would use the latter when I suspected the questioner would ask me if I would prepare their accounts . ' I 'm not that sort of accountant ' I 'd say . ' I work in industry ' I 'd have to explain . ' I manage an accounts department ' . It 's easier not to say ' accountant ' sometimes . More recently I was able to say ' I 'm on maternity leave ' , then ' I 'm an accountant ' or whatever . Now I 'm a stay at home mum . That 's what I am . It 's what I 've always wanted to be . So why do I feel awkward saying it out loud to people ? I 'm not ashamed , or am I ? Perhaps I associate ' stay at home mum ' with ' housewife ' . It 's a connotation that makes me uncomfortable because of the negative way these roles are portrayed by the media . The stereotypical stay at home mum sits on her lazy fat backside all day watching Jeremy Kyle . This is not what I do . Unless Presley and Cash are both asleep , I am looking after them . I 'm feeding them , washing them , reading to them , playing with them and cuddling them . I 'm doing an important job . There 's no job more important than raising children . What I really mean is there 's no job more important to me than raising my children . Back to tonight . I said ' I 'm a stay at home mum ' . I followed it up by saying that my boys were two and one so I had my hands full . I think I said this to justify my existence . Mel , as it turned out , loves babies . She also looked genuinely surprised when I said I was 39 . She said I was the youngest 39 year old sheI 'm a Stay At Home Mum ( SAHM ) When I was asked if I would like to be part of the Radox Be Selfish campaign I thought it sounded great . ( Thanks to Kim Hong at Fleishman Hillard PR ) . Some Radox bubble bath and a water resistant Kathy Lette book . Lovely . I thought , I can have some much needed ME time . It wasn 't that simple though . I know I should put myself first more often , but when you 're a mum your children come first . For me it 's as simple as that . During the day I try to stay away from my laptop . It 's all too easy to be distracted by Twitter or Facebook or by reading blogs . My boys won 't be small for long and they need my attention now . CBeebies is a good babysitter if I need to get some housework done , but it 's no substitute for playing with mummy . It 's certainly not as good as sitting in the leg seat ( on my lap ) and reading a book or sixteen ! Writing this blog is something I do just for me . I also do a bit of songwriting and I have recently started writing short stories . I do this when the boys are asleep . Sometimes I 'm lucky enough to be at home when they both have an afternoon nap - at the same time . Otherwise I play on the laptop at night . I can 't do this every night as I also like to spend some time with my husband ! So for me to have a luxurious , selfish bubble bath in the evening ( instead of a speed - shower ) would be taking me away from either chatting to Andy or doing a bit of writing . After a few weeks of staring at the Radox and ' All Steamed Up ' by Kathy Lette I decided to ' take the plunge ' . Sorry ! My bath was far too hot , but I laid back and started reading . I think Kathy Lette is great . Her books are fabulous , she has a brilliant turn of phrase . Her sound - bites on BBC Breakfast are good fun too . This water resistant book is short and bitter - sweet . I 'm really enjoying it . I laughed out loud when she described the protagonist 's neighbour as someone who sun - dries their own tomatoes . Oh dear , that 's me ! If you would like to download a copy of the book , please visit the Radox Be Selfish Website . There 's an interview with Kathy Lette to lisBeing Selfish AND a Giveaway ? ! Last week my Wordless Wednesday was a photograph of Presley with his long hair . I asked the question ' to cut or not to cut ' . I had a lot of comments , thank you . A quick count up shows only three in favour of short hair and a few suggesting a trim to thicken it up . The rest of you said ' no ' quite emphatically ! Presley 's only just two and too young to ask fro an opinion on his hair . Our biggest problem was his hair sticking under his nose , like a big moustache , when he had a cold . It seemed to be bothering him . . . So . . . . We had it cut short ! Presley was very good at the hairdresser 's and was delighted with the lollypop that he was given for being a good boy ! My goodness , he looks so different . My baby has gone . We now have a little boy . I 'm expecting less ' what a pretty girl ' comments . We had , on average , three a week ! His grandparents are happy now . He 'll be harder to spot at playgroup too . In some ways I 'm sad that we didn 't keep his hair long . Part of me liked to be rebellious and have a son with long hair . Now though at least I can see his beautiful face . You can 't , sorry , but here is a photograph of the back of his head ! ! Have you got a glut of tomatoes ? Is your greenhouse bursting at the seams ? Is your kitchen covered with bowls of tomatoes ? If the answer is yes , then I have a fantastic recipe for you . It 's so simple . Here is how to save loads of money and make your own sun - dried tomatoes . First wash your tomatoes , then slice them in half and place them in an oiled roasting tin . Pour over a good drizzle of olive oil . Add salt and black pepper . You can also add herbs for more flavour . Here we used a little dried oregano and some fresh basil leaves : Now you cook them . You 'll need to start cooking them in the morning ( ideally on a day when you 're planning on staying at home ) because they take about 6 - 8 hours to cook at 100 degrees centigrade . We use our top oven for this . You can tell when they 're ready because they look soft and edible ! Like this : I don 't know how long they will keep for because ours are always eaten up within a few days ! They are so sweet and DELICIOUS ! Our favourite way to eat them is in a simple pasta salad . The recipe for this is : PastaFeta cheeseSliced black olivesHome made sun - dried tomatoesBlack pepper Grown - up recipes are a bit of a departure for Baby Baby , but I really wanted to share this one . Normal service will be resumed next time ! My friend Liz was about to emigrate to Australia . We went for a last night out in London . We had a meal and she was so excited that we had tickets to see Guys and Dolls starring her idol Patrick Swayze . He had a star quality on stage and was pretty fabulous . Afterwards Liz asked if we could wait at the stage door , in case he came out . I have to say I felt a bit weird doing this , but she seemed very keen , so we waited . After a short while , there he was , standing in front of us . I was won over . Although he was a total professional and was here as part of his job , he was charming . He answered questions and posed for photographs . It felt like we were in the presence of an old style Hollywood star . I was saddened to hear today of his death from cancer . Rest in Peace . Goodness me ! Not one , not two , but three lovely bloggers think I 'm a great read . Here 's the badge to prove it : Thank you Hot Cross Mum , Emily at Maternal Tales and Laura from Yummy Mummy Flabby Tummy . They are also great reads . Go see ! The rules , and as usual you can modify if you like , are to list ten happy memories . Here are my ten happy people , places , events and things , in no particular order : 1 ) Andy , my husband . He has made it his life 's work to make me happy and he is succeeding . I hope I make him happy too . I feel I could try harder to do this . 2 ) Presley , my two year old ray of sunshine . 3 ) Cash , my one year old jolly poppet . 4 ) The Flaming Lips . I first saw them live at The Royal Albert Hall . I sang and danced so much I couldn 't speak or walk properly the next day , but it was worth it to be part of an amazing concert . See : 5 ) Waking up on Christmas morning and shouting ' HAS HE BEEN ? ' to my parents . I loved the magic of Christmas and I hope I can recreate this for my boys . 6 ) Orange ice cream . Not orange sorbet , although that 's okay , proper orange flavour ice cream . I had some at some seaside town or other when I was young . I 've never seen it since . Dear Blogosphere , please would you fix it for me to find some orange flavour ice cream . Thanks . 7 ) Sydney , Australia . I lived here for a year and it is officially my favourite city in the world ever . I lived in the colourful suburb of Newtown . I worked in the CBD . My office overlooked the Harbour Bridge . At lunchtime - if we didn 't go to the Wentworth Hotel for drinks - I could walk to the Opera House and sit in the Botanic Gardens . I made some great friends and had a blast ! 8 ) Dancing the night away at our wedding . One of the songs we danced to was written by Andy ( aka MC Heapey ) and I with our dear friend Paul ( aka Johnny Cashpoint ) . Of course you can hear it , but I 'll warn you , it may not be everyone 's cup of tea . Turn it up ! 9 ) Standing on stage with my husband performing a song wot I wrote . I was soooo nervous , but I was proud that we were doing something together , sYou Are A Great Read & That ! I read on British Mummy Bloggers that someone called Luke from The Edge was looking for ' family - focused bloggers to test and review a selection of Carex products and our Hands Up For Hygiene educational campaign ' . I emailed him and was sent loads of free Carex , see above photograph . I 've arrived , I thought . I 've got myself a piece of the freebie action ! Then along came ' Indie - gate ' and I felt bad . The comments on this article made me feel silly and naive , I felt belittled . I wondered whether I should stop blogging . I soon got over it of course , but I thought long and hard about posting reviews on my blog . Was I being used ? Were the PR companies that targeted mummy bloggers being cynical or ill - advised ? Actually , it doesn 't matter . I 've signed up to the Blogging with Integrity campaign . Most of my readers are ' family - focused ' too . If you don 't want to read this review however , skip past it , I won 't mind . So anyway , Carex . I have contact dermatitis . At its peak it 's like having a thousand tiny cuts on my hands . My fingers swell and they 're so itchy . With a baby you 're constantly washing your hands and this can be particularly uncomfortable . The pain keeps me awake at night . When the Carex arrived I only had one stubborn patch on one finger , but it was enough to stop me squeezing a lemon I can tell you . Also I live in fear of being made to use alcohol gel to cleanse my hands ! I started using the Carex with trepidation , but I thought in for a penny in for a pound and put it by every sink . Amazingly enough the dermatitis has completely cleared up . Could be a coincidence , but I can say categorically that Carex hasn 't made it worse . In addition to the above I love the smell . Some handwashes make me feel nauseous , but not this . My favourite was the Moisture Plus . Since my hands are no longer sore I 've been able to use the hand - gels . The small ones are perfect for handbag or changing bag and I 've been teaching the boys how to wash their hands with it . So important these days with the threat of the dreaded swine flu . There was onlMy First Review Peggy at Perfectly Happy Mum has asked for posts for the next chapter of her parenting blog , A Mother 's Secrets . This time she wants to know if , when you were pregnant , you wanted a boy or a girl and if you found out what you were having before he or she was born . I 'm going to be controversial here , or certainly in the minority . I didn 't want to find out the sex of my babies before they were born . This is my personal opinion . I don 't want to offend anyone who wants to know what they 're having , it 's your choice . This post is about how I feel and about my choices . So why didn 't I want to know what flavour my babies were before they were born ? You don 't get many surprises in life , why can 't you wait for him or her to make an appearance to find out if you have a son or a daughter ? How much nicer for the birth announcement to start with ' It 's a Boy ! ' or ' It 's a Girl ! ' , rather than ' He / She 's here ' . I loved choosing a boy 's name and a girl 's name . We kept both names a secret , even from our parents . I loved buying vests and babygros in neutral colours ; creams , whites and lemons . Your birth partner doesn 't really have much to do on the day , so before they cut the cord , they can identify the sex of the baby . Then they can sit down again . The scan at around twenty weeks is called an anomaly scan for a reason . Most people say ' we 're going to find out if it 's a boy or a girl today ' . They 're actually going to find out if the baby is developing as expected . When I had my twenty week scans my first question was ' is it okay ? ' , and certainly not ' what is it ? ' . The sonographer commented that I was a rarity . She said that normally couples ask ' what is it ? ' way before she has finished checking that the baby is okay . I understand it is exciting to find out what you 're having , but I promise you it 's just as exciting - if not more so - to find out on the day of the birth . I 'll never forget Andy looking at the brand new Presley and saying , his voice choked with teaIt 's A . . . . Baby ! Professor Gregory Stores rang me earlier this week . Don 't worry , he 's not a random caller . He 's one of the experts at The Pampers Village . I won the lovely A Modern Mother 's Pampers Golden Sleep Train competition and this was my prize . I had an hour on the phone with a sleep professor . Would he be able to help my family get a good night 's sleep ? Cash , who has just turned one , used to sleep for twelve hours per night , only rarely waking up . Over the last few months he 's started waking at random times throughout the night , about once a week . All he wants to do is play , so one of us ( usually me ) takes him downstairs to play . I know ! I can hear you shouting at your screens . Clearly this isn 't helping him learn to sleep at night . For the sake of peace and quiet for the sleeping partner ( Andy , who has to work the next day ) we go and play . As I 'm typing this I know how silly it sounds . Anyway , this is the problem I put to the Prof . A few of you had questions for the Prof too . If anyone would like to read them , they are in the comments here . They follow a similar pattern to our little problem : babies who in the past have been capable of sleeping through , but now wake up at inconvenient times , or too early in the morning . Drum roll please . . . . . Here is the advice : First a little disclaimer . The advice given here is in the form of general principles . It is not intended to replace the advice of health care professionals . If you believe your child is unwell you should seek advice from your GP or HV . These principles only apply to children that are in good health . Oh , and all babies are different . Okay , here is the advice , coming up . . . . now : At around six months a baby develops its biological clock . They learn the difference between day and night . At around six months most babies no longer need a night feed , particularly as they move onto solid food . To encourage proper day / night associations , try to make night feeds and nappy changes as quiet and calm as possible . Keep the lighting minimal , avoid talking and eye contact . Sleeping thougAdvice From The Sleep Professor As I feed my twelve month old son , cradled in my arms , I can smell strawberries . At lunchtime he scrunched pieces of strawberry into his fist and managed to get most of them in his mouth . The rest fell onto his doggy T - shirt and his pale blue shorts , no longer just pale blue . I look at that chubby fist now grabbing onto my blouse . I can 't believe he is mine . He has just woken up from his afternoon nap . He 's still sleepy . There are pink marks on his beautiful face . He must have slept with his hand by his head . He has been sweating . His hair sits in damp curls against his neck . Early September sunshine dapples through the trees and dances on his blond head . It illuminates his long eye lashes - wasted on a boy ! He is in a trance , gulping the warm milk . His nose twitches as he drinks , like a little rabbit . I can see the shape of a dolphin in his ear . This has fascinated me since I first noticed it , a few days after he was born . He has had his fill of milk and pulls away . I gently wipe the trickle of milk that dribbles down his chin . He gives me a gummy , satisfied smile . Two bottom teeth are now visible . He won 't be a baby for much longer , but he 'll always be my baby . The lovely Zooarcheaologist from Being a Mummy forwarded me an email from Louise at We Are Social . PizzaExpress are launching a new Leggera pizza and are inviting bloggers to try it . Goodness me , a free lunch . Is there such a thing ? I suppose we 'll find out ! The Leggera is a lighter pizza with a hole in the middle . The hole has salad in it . All for 500 calories . Sounds good to me . I asked on Twitter and in the North West Mums group on British Mummy Bloggers to find out if any other bloggers fancied meeting me for lunch . It seemed like a good idea at the time . A few people said yes . Gulp . One of the best things about blogging is the supportive and friendly community . So why am I nervous about meeting fellow bloggers in real life ? Well , I 'm quite shy really . I 've lived in Preston for less than two years and have only made a few friends . I 'd like to make more . So . . . Lindy at Chronicles of SquidgybooLiz at The Hectic MumSally at Who 's the Mummy ? Yummy Mammy at Secret Diaries of a Wannabe Yummy MammyYou are cordially invited to Pizza Express in Preston to try the Leggera . Please email me ( sandycalico @ ymail . com ) and we can move on to the joy that will be finding a date when we are all free ! * * * There is also a voucher for two pizzas for £ 10 here . My prize for winning A Modern Mother 's Pamper 's Golden Sleep Train competition is an hour on the telephone with a Sleep Professor . I have a few questions of my own for Professor Gregory Stores . I will be asking why was Cash awake from 1am to 3am today ? Yes , I have matchsticks holding open my eyes this morning ! If there 's time I 'd love to put your questions to the Professor too . The call will take place on Monday afternoon ( 7th September ) . Please leave me a comment before then with your sleep question and I 'll do my best to ask as many as I can . I 'll do a post afterwards and pass on all the Professor 's good sleep advice . * Yawns * Is it bedtime yet ?
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The lovely Zooarcheaologist from Being A Mummy has started a dream meme . She wrote beautifully about her dream life in a dream house . She kindly tagged me . I 'm quite behind with all these memes , tags and awards . I had intended to do a mega - meme post and list them all , but for some reason this dream meme got me thinking . I 've been thinking about it all morning . I 've had a bleugh few days . I 'm not well . Before you reach for the disinfectant , it 's not swine flu ! I suppose I have some virus or other . For some reason one of the symptoms appears to be extreme grumpiness . Another is a complete lack of tolerance for my children 's behaviour . I feel like a rotten mother . When I was pregnant with Presley , my colleagues referred to me as Earth Mother . I 'd expressed a desire to : have a natural birth , breastfeed , babywear , use washable nappies , cook wholesome organic food from scratch . I did all of these things , some for a lot longer than others . This doesn 't make me an Earth Mother , but there are worse labels . Then I had another baby , Cash , less than a year later . Thirteen months on and some aspects of parenting are getting easier , but others are still firmly in the ' it 's really hard work ' category . Maybe it 's because I 'm 39 and not as fit as I 'd like to be . I get tired . CBeebies is my friend and part - time babysitter . What I 've been dreaming about all morning is being Supermummy . I want to be a fragrant yummy mummy , a domestic goddess . I want to be Mary Poppins and Nigella Lawson all rolled into one Supermummy package . My dream is to always have a smile on my face , have the patience of a saint and the clean , organised house of Anthea Turner . My children will be bright , enthusiastic learners with excellent manners . They will not poke each other in the eye , push each other over , turn the TV on and off and on and off repeatedly . They will eat everything they are given and play together nicely . Back in the real world , forget all the labels . All I really want is to be a good mum and to have happy children . When the boys wake up from theiThis is My Dream - A Meme Saturday was the big date . On Friday night I washed my hair . Despite blow - drying it , the fringe I cut myself didn 't get any longer . I even shaved my legs . I regretted this as I watched blood pour down the plughole . My scabby ankle looked worse than a hairy one ! I took Presley along for moral support and took a seat in the Preston PizzaExpress . After a few minutes the first of my ' dates ' turned up . Lindy from Squidgyboo arrived with her beautiful daughter Squidge . Presley and Squidge eyed each other up and then decided to do some drawing with the pencils provided . Next to arrive was Yummy Mammy . Closely followed by Sally from Who 's The Mummy ? with her adorable daughter Flea . I felt slightly awkward to start with . As Sally pointed out we all know a bit about each other from reading our blogs , but this is the first time we have met in person . This awkwardness didn 't last long and we were soon chatting away . We talked about blogging , but we mainly discussed our lives , where we lived and our families . I 'm no stranger to this blind date business . I met my husband Andy on the internet . We even went to a PizzaExpress as part of our eight hour long first date . We both had the same pizza , but different drinks . Ahhh . Anyway , I digress , back to Saturday ! We all enjoyed the food . Dough balls , unsurprisingly , were a rather popular starter . We all had a pizza . I was the only one who tried the new Leggera , the pizza with a hole in the centre filled with salad . I normally order pizza and salad anyway and never eat it all , so this was ideal for me . I would have preferred less rocket in my salad , but was pleased the salad came with dressing . Only the children had a pudding . They all had ice cream with chocolate sauce . There was only one major incident . We didn 't see it happen , but Presley was the main suspect . One of Flea 's play people ( a policeman no less ) met a sticky end in Presley 's ice cream . Six baby wipes and four napkins later he was returned , shaken , to his rightful owner ! We had a lovely time , but I 'm sorry to say the service was Blogger Blind Date ! The lovely Linda Jones has asked me ( and others ) to post this press release on their blogs . I 'm happy to oblige . This is a wonderful campaign that I will be supporting . Oh yes I will ! UK parent bloggers are joining forces to laugh their socks off while raising cash for a children 's cancer charity . Bloggers are signing up for The Great Panto Review 2009 which will benefit NACCPO - The National Alliance of Childhood Cancer Parents ' Organisations . Leading theatres in England , Scotland and Wales have agreed to give bloggers access so their reviews can spread ' word of mouth ' throughout the blogospshere . Cardiff 's New Theatre where John Barrowman is appearing as Robin Hood and the Birmingham Hippodrome where Ray Quinn and Joe Pasquale will star in Sleeping Beauty were among the first to pledge to welcome the bloggers and back the charity effort . Reports will be featured at http : / / www . havealovelytime . com which is an " umbrella " family travel and activities site featuring reports from top UK parent bloggers . Writers taking part will be asked to donate to NACCPO , while readers will also be asked to give generously . Panto reviews will also be published on the bloggers ' own sites as well as being promoted through social media platforms such as facebook , Twitter , Stumbleupon and Digg . Contributors , many of whom are also members at http : / / britishmummybloggers . ning . com , are currently contacting more theatres large and small to request review tickets or places at panto media previews . http : / / www . havealovelytime . com editor and mum of two Linda Jones said she came up with the idea after being approached by several large corporations including Disney and Ford to write about their products and wanted to harness the resulting ' word of mouth ' to do something positive at Christmas time . She said : " It has been very exciting to see how well this has taken off so far . The bloggers and their families who are reviewing the shows are over the moon and we have had nothing but positive feedback from theatres approached . " Bloggers ' Festive Theatre Campaign to Boost Children 's Cancer Charity ( oh yes it is ) I saw in my diary that tomorrow ( 26th September ) is Grandparents ' Day . I think it 's one of those newfangled Hallmark days . You know , those days invented by card manufacturers , florists and chocolatiers to make a few extra sales in the lull before Halloween , Bonfire Night and Christmas . I won 't be buying a card , well I make my own anyway , but it did make me think about the role of grandparents . We seem to be returning to the good old days of looking after our elderly relatives . Years ago it was common for families to include three generations in one home . If you were posh you had a granny annex . These days , in ' credit crunch Britain ' with house prices still beyond the reach of many first time buyers , many families are pooling their property resources and living together again . I think this is a good thing , particularly for the grandchildren . Having said that , I don 't want my mother or my in - laws living here ! We moved from Surrey to Lancashire when Presley was three months old . It was a wrench moving away from friends , and in particular I miss my NCT group and their babies . We moved to be near Andy 's family . It was for more than free babysitting , although this is useful ! Having Grandma close by was extremely helpful when I was pregnant with Cash . I had to go to the hospital twice a week from 28 weeks due to concerns over his growth . This would have been tricky if I had to take the 9 - 12 month Presley with me for those long mornings sat in waiting rooms . Andy 's parents adore Presley and Cash and the feeling is mutual . If I tell Presley that we 'll be seeing Grandma and Grandad today , he raises his arms and shouts ' Hooway ' . It 's great for the boys to spend time with their cousins too . Presley 's favourite thing to do is run around the garden with his Grandad , as you can see from the photograph above . He also likes digging in the vegetable patch . I always take a change of clothes with us in case of muddy puddle incidents . I get on well with my in - laws , although Andy 's Mum is obsessed with feeding the boys chocolate and biscuitsGrandparents ' Day You know that heart - stopping , sinking feeling you get when you scan a room full of toddlers and momentarily you can 't see your child ? Try to imagine that feeling lasting for a bit longer , for a few minutes perhaps . Feel sick yet ? This afternoon I gathered up Cash at the end of Playgroup . Presley was riding round on a toy tractor . I told him that I was putting Cash in the pushchair and I would come back for him . I put Cash 's coat on and started fastening the pushchair straps . I looked round to see where Presley was . I could see the abandoned tractor , but no Presley . The church hall was emptying . I had the heart - stopping , sinking feeling . I scanned the hall again . I looked into the empty Wendy House . ' Where 's Presley ? ' , I asked . The few people around didn 't know who I meant . I knew I wouldn 't be able to spot him with his new short hair , so how would they ? We haven 't been coming for that long . ' Presley ' , I called . Nothing . ' PRESLEY . . . PRESLEY ' . Still nothing . ' I can 't find my little boy ' . I asked the Playgroup leader , Lisa , to watch Cash . I felt an awful rising panic . I ran outside . ' Is there a little boy out here ? ' . The other mothers deigned to stop their chatting to look at me like I was a bit simple . ' I can 't find my little boy , have you seen a boy , running around ? ' . They hadn 't . I ran back in . I think the others were looking for Presley and discussing where he could be , but I couldn 't hear properly . I felt like I was under water . Sound was muffled . Above the sound of rushing water I heard Lisa say ' he could be out the back ' . I ran to the first door . Beyond this door were three closed doors . What if he was stuck in a cupboard ? ' PRESLEY ' . I tried the first door , it was locked . I thought I 'm not going to find him . I opened the second door . He wasn 't in the kitchen , but Maggie , who was washing up , hadn 't seen him . She came out with me and we tried the third door . This led out to the church entrance . He wasn 't there . She assured me the external doors were locked . She showed me the doors were locked . She said ' he can 't get out ' I Can 't Find My Little Boy I had a lovely night out tonight at Word Soup , Preston 's premier live literature event . Well , that 's what they call it , and it 's true ! In the interval a young woman at the next table turned her chair round to say hello . She didn 't want to be sat on her own . Mel was a journalism student , 20 , who was live - tweeting the event . She was very friendly , although I guessed we didn 't have a great deal in common . Then she asked me a question . A question I 'm still not used to answering . She asked me ' what do you do ? ' . In the past I would usually say ' I 'm an accountant ' , sometimes I would say ' I work in accounts ' . I would use the latter when I suspected the questioner would ask me if I would prepare their accounts . ' I 'm not that sort of accountant ' I 'd say . ' I work in industry ' I 'd have to explain . ' I manage an accounts department ' . It 's easier not to say ' accountant ' sometimes . More recently I was able to say ' I 'm on maternity leave ' , then ' I 'm an accountant ' or whatever . Now I 'm a stay at home mum . That 's what I am . It 's what I 've always wanted to be . So why do I feel awkward saying it out loud to people ? I 'm not ashamed , or am I ? Perhaps I associate ' stay at home mum ' with ' housewife ' . It 's a connotation that makes me uncomfortable because of the negative way these roles are portrayed by the media . The stereotypical stay at home mum sits on her lazy fat backside all day watching Jeremy Kyle . This is not what I do . Unless Presley and Cash are both asleep , I am looking after them . I 'm feeding them , washing them , reading to them , playing with them and cuddling them . I 'm doing an important job . There 's no job more important than raising children . What I really mean is there 's no job more important to me than raising my children . Back to tonight . I said ' I 'm a stay at home mum ' . I followed it up by saying that my boys were two and one so I had my hands full . I think I said this to justify my existence . Mel , as it turned out , loves babies . She also looked genuinely surprised when I said I was 39 . She said I was the youngest 39 year old sheI 'm a Stay At Home Mum ( SAHM ) When I was asked if I would like to be part of the Radox Be Selfish campaign I thought it sounded great . ( Thanks to Kim Hong at Fleishman Hillard PR ) . Some Radox bubble bath and a water resistant Kathy Lette book . Lovely . I thought , I can have some much needed ME time . It wasn 't that simple though . I know I should put myself first more often , but when you 're a mum your children come first . For me it 's as simple as that . During the day I try to stay away from my laptop . It 's all too easy to be distracted by Twitter or Facebook or by reading blogs . My boys won 't be small for long and they need my attention now . CBeebies is a good babysitter if I need to get some housework done , but it 's no substitute for playing with mummy . It 's certainly not as good as sitting in the leg seat ( on my lap ) and reading a book or sixteen ! Writing this blog is something I do just for me . I also do a bit of songwriting and I have recently started writing short stories . I do this when the boys are asleep . Sometimes I 'm lucky enough to be at home when they both have an afternoon nap - at the same time . Otherwise I play on the laptop at night . I can 't do this every night as I also like to spend some time with my husband ! So for me to have a luxurious , selfish bubble bath in the evening ( instead of a speed - shower ) would be taking me away from either chatting to Andy or doing a bit of writing . After a few weeks of staring at the Radox and ' All Steamed Up ' by Kathy Lette I decided to ' take the plunge ' . Sorry ! My bath was far too hot , but I laid back and started reading . I think Kathy Lette is great . Her books are fabulous , she has a brilliant turn of phrase . Her sound - bites on BBC Breakfast are good fun too . This water resistant book is short and bitter - sweet . I 'm really enjoying it . I laughed out loud when she described the protagonist 's neighbour as someone who sun - dries their own tomatoes . Oh dear , that 's me ! If you would like to download a copy of the book , please visit the Radox Be Selfish Website . There 's an interview with Kathy Lette to lisBeing Selfish AND a Giveaway ? ! Last week my Wordless Wednesday was a photograph of Presley with his long hair . I asked the question ' to cut or not to cut ' . I had a lot of comments , thank you . A quick count up shows only three in favour of short hair and a few suggesting a trim to thicken it up . The rest of you said ' no ' quite emphatically ! Presley 's only just two and too young to ask fro an opinion on his hair . Our biggest problem was his hair sticking under his nose , like a big moustache , when he had a cold . It seemed to be bothering him . . . So . . . . We had it cut short ! Presley was very good at the hairdresser 's and was delighted with the lollypop that he was given for being a good boy ! My goodness , he looks so different . My baby has gone . We now have a little boy . I 'm expecting less ' what a pretty girl ' comments . We had , on average , three a week ! His grandparents are happy now . He 'll be harder to spot at playgroup too . In some ways I 'm sad that we didn 't keep his hair long . Part of me liked to be rebellious and have a son with long hair . Now though at least I can see his beautiful face . You can 't , sorry , but here is a photograph of the back of his head ! ! Have you got a glut of tomatoes ? Is your greenhouse bursting at the seams ? Is your kitchen covered with bowls of tomatoes ? If the answer is yes , then I have a fantastic recipe for you . It 's so simple . Here is how to save loads of money and make your own sun - dried tomatoes . First wash your tomatoes , then slice them in half and place them in an oiled roasting tin . Pour over a good drizzle of olive oil . Add salt and black pepper . You can also add herbs for more flavour . Here we used a little dried oregano and some fresh basil leaves : Now you cook them . You 'll need to start cooking them in the morning ( ideally on a day when you 're planning on staying at home ) because they take about 6 - 8 hours to cook at 100 degrees centigrade . We use our top oven for this . You can tell when they 're ready because they look soft and edible ! Like this : I don 't know how long they will keep for because ours are always eaten up within a few days ! They are so sweet and DELICIOUS ! Our favourite way to eat them is in a simple pasta salad . The recipe for this is : PastaFeta cheeseSliced black olivesHome made sun - dried tomatoesBlack pepper Grown - up recipes are a bit of a departure for Baby Baby , but I really wanted to share this one . Normal service will be resumed next time ! My friend Liz was about to emigrate to Australia . We went for a last night out in London . We had a meal and she was so excited that we had tickets to see Guys and Dolls starring her idol Patrick Swayze . He had a star quality on stage and was pretty fabulous . Afterwards Liz asked if we could wait at the stage door , in case he came out . I have to say I felt a bit weird doing this , but she seemed very keen , so we waited . After a short while , there he was , standing in front of us . I was won over . Although he was a total professional and was here as part of his job , he was charming . He answered questions and posed for photographs . It felt like we were in the presence of an old style Hollywood star . I was saddened to hear today of his death from cancer . Rest in Peace . Goodness me ! Not one , not two , but three lovely bloggers think I 'm a great read . Here 's the badge to prove it : Thank you Hot Cross Mum , Emily at Maternal Tales and Laura from Yummy Mummy Flabby Tummy . They are also great reads . Go see ! The rules , and as usual you can modify if you like , are to list ten happy memories . Here are my ten happy people , places , events and things , in no particular order : 1 ) Andy , my husband . He has made it his life 's work to make me happy and he is succeeding . I hope I make him happy too . I feel I could try harder to do this . 2 ) Presley , my two year old ray of sunshine . 3 ) Cash , my one year old jolly poppet . 4 ) The Flaming Lips . I first saw them live at The Royal Albert Hall . I sang and danced so much I couldn 't speak or walk properly the next day , but it was worth it to be part of an amazing concert . See : 5 ) Waking up on Christmas morning and shouting ' HAS HE BEEN ? ' to my parents . I loved the magic of Christmas and I hope I can recreate this for my boys . 6 ) Orange ice cream . Not orange sorbet , although that 's okay , proper orange flavour ice cream . I had some at some seaside town or other when I was young . I 've never seen it since . Dear Blogosphere , please would you fix it for me to find some orange flavour ice cream . Thanks . 7 ) Sydney , Australia . I lived here for a year and it is officially my favourite city in the world ever . I lived in the colourful suburb of Newtown . I worked in the CBD . My office overlooked the Harbour Bridge . At lunchtime - if we didn 't go to the Wentworth Hotel for drinks - I could walk to the Opera House and sit in the Botanic Gardens . I made some great friends and had a blast ! 8 ) Dancing the night away at our wedding . One of the songs we danced to was written by Andy ( aka MC Heapey ) and I with our dear friend Paul ( aka Johnny Cashpoint ) . Of course you can hear it , but I 'll warn you , it may not be everyone 's cup of tea . Turn it up ! 9 ) Standing on stage with my husband performing a song wot I wrote . I was soooo nervous , but I was proud that we were doing something together , sYou Are A Great Read & That ! I read on British Mummy Bloggers that someone called Luke from The Edge was looking for ' family - focused bloggers to test and review a selection of Carex products and our Hands Up For Hygiene educational campaign ' . I emailed him and was sent loads of free Carex , see above photograph . I 've arrived , I thought . I 've got myself a piece of the freebie action ! Then along came ' Indie - gate ' and I felt bad . The comments on this article made me feel silly and naive , I felt belittled . I wondered whether I should stop blogging . I soon got over it of course , but I thought long and hard about posting reviews on my blog . Was I being used ? Were the PR companies that targeted mummy bloggers being cynical or ill - advised ? Actually , it doesn 't matter . I 've signed up to the Blogging with Integrity campaign . Most of my readers are ' family - focused ' too . If you don 't want to read this review however , skip past it , I won 't mind . So anyway , Carex . I have contact dermatitis . At its peak it 's like having a thousand tiny cuts on my hands . My fingers swell and they 're so itchy . With a baby you 're constantly washing your hands and this can be particularly uncomfortable . The pain keeps me awake at night . When the Carex arrived I only had one stubborn patch on one finger , but it was enough to stop me squeezing a lemon I can tell you . Also I live in fear of being made to use alcohol gel to cleanse my hands ! I started using the Carex with trepidation , but I thought in for a penny in for a pound and put it by every sink . Amazingly enough the dermatitis has completely cleared up . Could be a coincidence , but I can say categorically that Carex hasn 't made it worse . In addition to the above I love the smell . Some handwashes make me feel nauseous , but not this . My favourite was the Moisture Plus . Since my hands are no longer sore I 've been able to use the hand - gels . The small ones are perfect for handbag or changing bag and I 've been teaching the boys how to wash their hands with it . So important these days with the threat of the dreaded swine flu . There was onlMy First Review Peggy at Perfectly Happy Mum has asked for posts for the next chapter of her parenting blog , A Mother 's Secrets . This time she wants to know if , when you were pregnant , you wanted a boy or a girl and if you found out what you were having before he or she was born . I 'm going to be controversial here , or certainly in the minority . I didn 't want to find out the sex of my babies before they were born . This is my personal opinion . I don 't want to offend anyone who wants to know what they 're having , it 's your choice . This post is about how I feel and about my choices . So why didn 't I want to know what flavour my babies were before they were born ? You don 't get many surprises in life , why can 't you wait for him or her to make an appearance to find out if you have a son or a daughter ? How much nicer for the birth announcement to start with ' It 's a Boy ! ' or ' It 's a Girl ! ' , rather than ' He / She 's here ' . I loved choosing a boy 's name and a girl 's name . We kept both names a secret , even from our parents . I loved buying vests and babygros in neutral colours ; creams , whites and lemons . Your birth partner doesn 't really have much to do on the day , so before they cut the cord , they can identify the sex of the baby . Then they can sit down again . The scan at around twenty weeks is called an anomaly scan for a reason . Most people say ' we 're going to find out if it 's a boy or a girl today ' . They 're actually going to find out if the baby is developing as expected . When I had my twenty week scans my first question was ' is it okay ? ' , and certainly not ' what is it ? ' . The sonographer commented that I was a rarity . She said that normally couples ask ' what is it ? ' way before she has finished checking that the baby is okay . I understand it is exciting to find out what you 're having , but I promise you it 's just as exciting - if not more so - to find out on the day of the birth . I 'll never forget Andy looking at the brand new Presley and saying , his voice choked with teaIt 's A . . . . Baby ! Professor Gregory Stores rang me earlier this week . Don 't worry , he 's not a random caller . He 's one of the experts at The Pampers Village . I won the lovely A Modern Mother 's Pampers Golden Sleep Train competition and this was my prize . I had an hour on the phone with a sleep professor . Would he be able to help my family get a good night 's sleep ? Cash , who has just turned one , used to sleep for twelve hours per night , only rarely waking up . Over the last few months he 's started waking at random times throughout the night , about once a week . All he wants to do is play , so one of us ( usually me ) takes him downstairs to play . I know ! I can hear you shouting at your screens . Clearly this isn 't helping him learn to sleep at night . For the sake of peace and quiet for the sleeping partner ( Andy , who has to work the next day ) we go and play . As I 'm typing this I know how silly it sounds . Anyway , this is the problem I put to the Prof . A few of you had questions for the Prof too . If anyone would like to read them , they are in the comments here . They follow a similar pattern to our little problem : babies who in the past have been capable of sleeping through , but now wake up at inconvenient times , or too early in the morning . Drum roll please . . . . . Here is the advice : First a little disclaimer . The advice given here is in the form of general principles . It is not intended to replace the advice of health care professionals . If you believe your child is unwell you should seek advice from your GP or HV . These principles only apply to children that are in good health . Oh , and all babies are different . Okay , here is the advice , coming up . . . . now : At around six months a baby develops its biological clock . They learn the difference between day and night . At around six months most babies no longer need a night feed , particularly as they move onto solid food . To encourage proper day / night associations , try to make night feeds and nappy changes as quiet and calm as possible . Keep the lighting minimal , avoid talking and eye contact . Sleeping thougAdvice From The Sleep Professor As I feed my twelve month old son , cradled in my arms , I can smell strawberries . At lunchtime he scrunched pieces of strawberry into his fist and managed to get most of them in his mouth . The rest fell onto his doggy T - shirt and his pale blue shorts , no longer just pale blue . I look at that chubby fist now grabbing onto my blouse . I can 't believe he is mine . He has just woken up from his afternoon nap . He 's still sleepy . There are pink marks on his beautiful face . He must have slept with his hand by his head . He has been sweating . His hair sits in damp curls against his neck . Early September sunshine dapples through the trees and dances on his blond head . It illuminates his long eye lashes - wasted on a boy ! He is in a trance , gulping the warm milk . His nose twitches as he drinks , like a little rabbit . I can see the shape of a dolphin in his ear . This has fascinated me since I first noticed it , a few days after he was born . He has had his fill of milk and pulls away . I gently wipe the trickle of milk that dribbles down his chin . He gives me a gummy , satisfied smile . Two bottom teeth are now visible . He won 't be a baby for much longer , but he 'll always be my baby . The lovely Zooarcheaologist from Being a Mummy forwarded me an email from Louise at We Are Social . PizzaExpress are launching a new Leggera pizza and are inviting bloggers to try it . Goodness me , a free lunch . Is there such a thing ? I suppose we 'll find out ! The Leggera is a lighter pizza with a hole in the middle . The hole has salad in it . All for 500 calories . Sounds good to me . I asked on Twitter and in the North West Mums group on British Mummy Bloggers to find out if any other bloggers fancied meeting me for lunch . It seemed like a good idea at the time . A few people said yes . Gulp . One of the best things about blogging is the supportive and friendly community . So why am I nervous about meeting fellow bloggers in real life ? Well , I 'm quite shy really . I 've lived in Preston for less than two years and have only made a few friends . I 'd like to make more . So . . . Lindy at Chronicles of SquidgybooLiz at The Hectic MumSally at Who 's the Mummy ? Yummy Mammy at Secret Diaries of a Wannabe Yummy MammyYou are cordially invited to Pizza Express in Preston to try the Leggera . Please email me ( sandycalico @ ymail . com ) and we can move on to the joy that will be finding a date when we are all free ! * * * There is also a voucher for two pizzas for £ 10 here . My prize for winning A Modern Mother 's Pamper 's Golden Sleep Train competition is an hour on the telephone with a Sleep Professor . I have a few questions of my own for Professor Gregory Stores . I will be asking why was Cash awake from 1am to 3am today ? Yes , I have matchsticks holding open my eyes this morning ! If there 's time I 'd love to put your questions to the Professor too . The call will take place on Monday afternoon ( 7th September ) . Please leave me a comment before then with your sleep question and I 'll do my best to ask as many as I can . I 'll do a post afterwards and pass on all the Professor 's good sleep advice . * Yawns * Is it bedtime yet ?
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The lovely Zooarcheaologist from Being A Mummy has started a dream meme . She wrote beautifully about her dream life in a dream house . She kindly tagged me . I 'm quite behind with all these memes , tags and awards . I had intended to do a mega - meme post and list them all , but for some reason this dream meme got me thinking . I 've been thinking about it all morning . I 've had a bleugh few days . I 'm not well . Before you reach for the disinfectant , it 's not swine flu ! I suppose I have some virus or other . For some reason one of the symptoms appears to be extreme grumpiness . Another is a complete lack of tolerance for my children 's behaviour . I feel like a rotten mother . When I was pregnant with Presley , my colleagues referred to me as Earth Mother . I 'd expressed a desire to : have a natural birth , breastfeed , babywear , use washable nappies , cook wholesome organic food from scratch . I did all of these things , some for a lot longer than others . This doesn 't make me an Earth Mother , but there are worse labels . Then I had another baby , Cash , less than a year later . Thirteen months on and some aspects of parenting are getting easier , but others are still firmly in the ' it 's really hard work ' category . Maybe it 's because I 'm 39 and not as fit as I 'd like to be . I get tired . CBeebies is my friend and part - time babysitter . What I 've been dreaming about all morning is being Supermummy . I want to be a fragrant yummy mummy , a domestic goddess . I want to be Mary Poppins and Nigella Lawson all rolled into one Supermummy package . My dream is to always have a smile on my face , have the patience of a saint and the clean , organised house of Anthea Turner . My children will be bright , enthusiastic learners with excellent manners . They will not poke each other in the eye , push each other over , turn the TV on and off and on and off repeatedly . They will eat everything they are given and play together nicely . Back in the real world , forget all the labels . All I really want is to be a good mum and to have happy children . When the boys wake up from theiThis is My Dream - A Meme Saturday was the big date . On Friday night I washed my hair . Despite blow - drying it , the fringe I cut myself didn 't get any longer . I even shaved my legs . I regretted this as I watched blood pour down the plughole . My scabby ankle looked worse than a hairy one ! I took Presley along for moral support and took a seat in the Preston PizzaExpress . After a few minutes the first of my ' dates ' turned up . Lindy from Squidgyboo arrived with her beautiful daughter Squidge . Presley and Squidge eyed each other up and then decided to do some drawing with the pencils provided . Next to arrive was Yummy Mammy . Closely followed by Sally from Who 's The Mummy ? with her adorable daughter Flea . I felt slightly awkward to start with . As Sally pointed out we all know a bit about each other from reading our blogs , but this is the first time we have met in person . This awkwardness didn 't last long and we were soon chatting away . We talked about blogging , but we mainly discussed our lives , where we lived and our families . I 'm no stranger to this blind date business . I met my husband Andy on the internet . We even went to a PizzaExpress as part of our eight hour long first date . We both had the same pizza , but different drinks . Ahhh . Anyway , I digress , back to Saturday ! We all enjoyed the food . Dough balls , unsurprisingly , were a rather popular starter . We all had a pizza . I was the only one who tried the new Leggera , the pizza with a hole in the centre filled with salad . I normally order pizza and salad anyway and never eat it all , so this was ideal for me . I would have preferred less rocket in my salad , but was pleased the salad came with dressing . Only the children had a pudding . They all had ice cream with chocolate sauce . There was only one major incident . We didn 't see it happen , but Presley was the main suspect . One of Flea 's play people ( a policeman no less ) met a sticky end in Presley 's ice cream . Six baby wipes and four napkins later he was returned , shaken , to his rightful owner ! We had a lovely time , but I 'm sorry to say the service was Blogger Blind Date ! The lovely Linda Jones has asked me ( and others ) to post this press release on their blogs . I 'm happy to oblige . This is a wonderful campaign that I will be supporting . Oh yes I will ! UK parent bloggers are joining forces to laugh their socks off while raising cash for a children 's cancer charity . Bloggers are signing up for The Great Panto Review 2009 which will benefit NACCPO - The National Alliance of Childhood Cancer Parents ' Organisations . Leading theatres in England , Scotland and Wales have agreed to give bloggers access so their reviews can spread ' word of mouth ' throughout the blogospshere . Cardiff 's New Theatre where John Barrowman is appearing as Robin Hood and the Birmingham Hippodrome where Ray Quinn and Joe Pasquale will star in Sleeping Beauty were among the first to pledge to welcome the bloggers and back the charity effort . Reports will be featured at http : / / www . havealovelytime . com which is an " umbrella " family travel and activities site featuring reports from top UK parent bloggers . Writers taking part will be asked to donate to NACCPO , while readers will also be asked to give generously . Panto reviews will also be published on the bloggers ' own sites as well as being promoted through social media platforms such as facebook , Twitter , Stumbleupon and Digg . Contributors , many of whom are also members at http : / / britishmummybloggers . ning . com , are currently contacting more theatres large and small to request review tickets or places at panto media previews . http : / / www . havealovelytime . com editor and mum of two Linda Jones said she came up with the idea after being approached by several large corporations including Disney and Ford to write about their products and wanted to harness the resulting ' word of mouth ' to do something positive at Christmas time . She said : " It has been very exciting to see how well this has taken off so far . The bloggers and their families who are reviewing the shows are over the moon and we have had nothing but positive feedback from theatres approached . " Bloggers ' Festive Theatre Campaign to Boost Children 's Cancer Charity ( oh yes it is ) I saw in my diary that tomorrow ( 26th September ) is Grandparents ' Day . I think it 's one of those newfangled Hallmark days . You know , those days invented by card manufacturers , florists and chocolatiers to make a few extra sales in the lull before Halloween , Bonfire Night and Christmas . I won 't be buying a card , well I make my own anyway , but it did make me think about the role of grandparents . We seem to be returning to the good old days of looking after our elderly relatives . Years ago it was common for families to include three generations in one home . If you were posh you had a granny annex . These days , in ' credit crunch Britain ' with house prices still beyond the reach of many first time buyers , many families are pooling their property resources and living together again . I think this is a good thing , particularly for the grandchildren . Having said that , I don 't want my mother or my in - laws living here ! We moved from Surrey to Lancashire when Presley was three months old . It was a wrench moving away from friends , and in particular I miss my NCT group and their babies . We moved to be near Andy 's family . It was for more than free babysitting , although this is useful ! Having Grandma close by was extremely helpful when I was pregnant with Cash . I had to go to the hospital twice a week from 28 weeks due to concerns over his growth . This would have been tricky if I had to take the 9 - 12 month Presley with me for those long mornings sat in waiting rooms . Andy 's parents adore Presley and Cash and the feeling is mutual . If I tell Presley that we 'll be seeing Grandma and Grandad today , he raises his arms and shouts ' Hooway ' . It 's great for the boys to spend time with their cousins too . Presley 's favourite thing to do is run around the garden with his Grandad , as you can see from the photograph above . He also likes digging in the vegetable patch . I always take a change of clothes with us in case of muddy puddle incidents . I get on well with my in - laws , although Andy 's Mum is obsessed with feeding the boys chocolate and biscuitsGrandparents ' Day You know that heart - stopping , sinking feeling you get when you scan a room full of toddlers and momentarily you can 't see your child ? Try to imagine that feeling lasting for a bit longer , for a few minutes perhaps . Feel sick yet ? This afternoon I gathered up Cash at the end of Playgroup . Presley was riding round on a toy tractor . I told him that I was putting Cash in the pushchair and I would come back for him . I put Cash 's coat on and started fastening the pushchair straps . I looked round to see where Presley was . I could see the abandoned tractor , but no Presley . The church hall was emptying . I had the heart - stopping , sinking feeling . I scanned the hall again . I looked into the empty Wendy House . ' Where 's Presley ? ' , I asked . The few people around didn 't know who I meant . I knew I wouldn 't be able to spot him with his new short hair , so how would they ? We haven 't been coming for that long . ' Presley ' , I called . Nothing . ' PRESLEY . . . PRESLEY ' . Still nothing . ' I can 't find my little boy ' . I asked the Playgroup leader , Lisa , to watch Cash . I felt an awful rising panic . I ran outside . ' Is there a little boy out here ? ' . The other mothers deigned to stop their chatting to look at me like I was a bit simple . ' I can 't find my little boy , have you seen a boy , running around ? ' . They hadn 't . I ran back in . I think the others were looking for Presley and discussing where he could be , but I couldn 't hear properly . I felt like I was under water . Sound was muffled . Above the sound of rushing water I heard Lisa say ' he could be out the back ' . I ran to the first door . Beyond this door were three closed doors . What if he was stuck in a cupboard ? ' PRESLEY ' . I tried the first door , it was locked . I thought I 'm not going to find him . I opened the second door . He wasn 't in the kitchen , but Maggie , who was washing up , hadn 't seen him . She came out with me and we tried the third door . This led out to the church entrance . He wasn 't there . She assured me the external doors were locked . She showed me the doors were locked . She said ' he can 't get out ' I Can 't Find My Little Boy I had a lovely night out tonight at Word Soup , Preston 's premier live literature event . Well , that 's what they call it , and it 's true ! In the interval a young woman at the next table turned her chair round to say hello . She didn 't want to be sat on her own . Mel was a journalism student , 20 , who was live - tweeting the event . She was very friendly , although I guessed we didn 't have a great deal in common . Then she asked me a question . A question I 'm still not used to answering . She asked me ' what do you do ? ' . In the past I would usually say ' I 'm an accountant ' , sometimes I would say ' I work in accounts ' . I would use the latter when I suspected the questioner would ask me if I would prepare their accounts . ' I 'm not that sort of accountant ' I 'd say . ' I work in industry ' I 'd have to explain . ' I manage an accounts department ' . It 's easier not to say ' accountant ' sometimes . More recently I was able to say ' I 'm on maternity leave ' , then ' I 'm an accountant ' or whatever . Now I 'm a stay at home mum . That 's what I am . It 's what I 've always wanted to be . So why do I feel awkward saying it out loud to people ? I 'm not ashamed , or am I ? Perhaps I associate ' stay at home mum ' with ' housewife ' . It 's a connotation that makes me uncomfortable because of the negative way these roles are portrayed by the media . The stereotypical stay at home mum sits on her lazy fat backside all day watching Jeremy Kyle . This is not what I do . Unless Presley and Cash are both asleep , I am looking after them . I 'm feeding them , washing them , reading to them , playing with them and cuddling them . I 'm doing an important job . There 's no job more important than raising children . What I really mean is there 's no job more important to me than raising my children . Back to tonight . I said ' I 'm a stay at home mum ' . I followed it up by saying that my boys were two and one so I had my hands full . I think I said this to justify my existence . Mel , as it turned out , loves babies . She also looked genuinely surprised when I said I was 39 . She said I was the youngest 39 year old sheI 'm a Stay At Home Mum ( SAHM ) When I was asked if I would like to be part of the Radox Be Selfish campaign I thought it sounded great . ( Thanks to Kim Hong at Fleishman Hillard PR ) . Some Radox bubble bath and a water resistant Kathy Lette book . Lovely . I thought , I can have some much needed ME time . It wasn 't that simple though . I know I should put myself first more often , but when you 're a mum your children come first . For me it 's as simple as that . During the day I try to stay away from my laptop . It 's all too easy to be distracted by Twitter or Facebook or by reading blogs . My boys won 't be small for long and they need my attention now . CBeebies is a good babysitter if I need to get some housework done , but it 's no substitute for playing with mummy . It 's certainly not as good as sitting in the leg seat ( on my lap ) and reading a book or sixteen ! Writing this blog is something I do just for me . I also do a bit of songwriting and I have recently started writing short stories . I do this when the boys are asleep . Sometimes I 'm lucky enough to be at home when they both have an afternoon nap - at the same time . Otherwise I play on the laptop at night . I can 't do this every night as I also like to spend some time with my husband ! So for me to have a luxurious , selfish bubble bath in the evening ( instead of a speed - shower ) would be taking me away from either chatting to Andy or doing a bit of writing . After a few weeks of staring at the Radox and ' All Steamed Up ' by Kathy Lette I decided to ' take the plunge ' . Sorry ! My bath was far too hot , but I laid back and started reading . I think Kathy Lette is great . Her books are fabulous , she has a brilliant turn of phrase . Her sound - bites on BBC Breakfast are good fun too . This water resistant book is short and bitter - sweet . I 'm really enjoying it . I laughed out loud when she described the protagonist 's neighbour as someone who sun - dries their own tomatoes . Oh dear , that 's me ! If you would like to download a copy of the book , please visit the Radox Be Selfish Website . There 's an interview with Kathy Lette to lisBeing Selfish AND a Giveaway ? ! Last week my Wordless Wednesday was a photograph of Presley with his long hair . I asked the question ' to cut or not to cut ' . I had a lot of comments , thank you . A quick count up shows only three in favour of short hair and a few suggesting a trim to thicken it up . The rest of you said ' no ' quite emphatically ! Presley 's only just two and too young to ask fro an opinion on his hair . Our biggest problem was his hair sticking under his nose , like a big moustache , when he had a cold . It seemed to be bothering him . . . So . . . . We had it cut short ! Presley was very good at the hairdresser 's and was delighted with the lollypop that he was given for being a good boy ! My goodness , he looks so different . My baby has gone . We now have a little boy . I 'm expecting less ' what a pretty girl ' comments . We had , on average , three a week ! His grandparents are happy now . He 'll be harder to spot at playgroup too . In some ways I 'm sad that we didn 't keep his hair long . Part of me liked to be rebellious and have a son with long hair . Now though at least I can see his beautiful face . You can 't , sorry , but here is a photograph of the back of his head ! ! Have you got a glut of tomatoes ? Is your greenhouse bursting at the seams ? Is your kitchen covered with bowls of tomatoes ? If the answer is yes , then I have a fantastic recipe for you . It 's so simple . Here is how to save loads of money and make your own sun - dried tomatoes . First wash your tomatoes , then slice them in half and place them in an oiled roasting tin . Pour over a good drizzle of olive oil . Add salt and black pepper . You can also add herbs for more flavour . Here we used a little dried oregano and some fresh basil leaves : Now you cook them . You 'll need to start cooking them in the morning ( ideally on a day when you 're planning on staying at home ) because they take about 6 - 8 hours to cook at 100 degrees centigrade . We use our top oven for this . You can tell when they 're ready because they look soft and edible ! Like this : I don 't know how long they will keep for because ours are always eaten up within a few days ! They are so sweet and DELICIOUS ! Our favourite way to eat them is in a simple pasta salad . The recipe for this is : PastaFeta cheeseSliced black olivesHome made sun - dried tomatoesBlack pepper Grown - up recipes are a bit of a departure for Baby Baby , but I really wanted to share this one . Normal service will be resumed next time ! My friend Liz was about to emigrate to Australia . We went for a last night out in London . We had a meal and she was so excited that we had tickets to see Guys and Dolls starring her idol Patrick Swayze . He had a star quality on stage and was pretty fabulous . Afterwards Liz asked if we could wait at the stage door , in case he came out . I have to say I felt a bit weird doing this , but she seemed very keen , so we waited . After a short while , there he was , standing in front of us . I was won over . Although he was a total professional and was here as part of his job , he was charming . He answered questions and posed for photographs . It felt like we were in the presence of an old style Hollywood star . I was saddened to hear today of his death from cancer . Rest in Peace . Goodness me ! Not one , not two , but three lovely bloggers think I 'm a great read . Here 's the badge to prove it : Thank you Hot Cross Mum , Emily at Maternal Tales and Laura from Yummy Mummy Flabby Tummy . They are also great reads . Go see ! The rules , and as usual you can modify if you like , are to list ten happy memories . Here are my ten happy people , places , events and things , in no particular order : 1 ) Andy , my husband . He has made it his life 's work to make me happy and he is succeeding . I hope I make him happy too . I feel I could try harder to do this . 2 ) Presley , my two year old ray of sunshine . 3 ) Cash , my one year old jolly poppet . 4 ) The Flaming Lips . I first saw them live at The Royal Albert Hall . I sang and danced so much I couldn 't speak or walk properly the next day , but it was worth it to be part of an amazing concert . See : 5 ) Waking up on Christmas morning and shouting ' HAS HE BEEN ? ' to my parents . I loved the magic of Christmas and I hope I can recreate this for my boys . 6 ) Orange ice cream . Not orange sorbet , although that 's okay , proper orange flavour ice cream . I had some at some seaside town or other when I was young . I 've never seen it since . Dear Blogosphere , please would you fix it for me to find some orange flavour ice cream . Thanks . 7 ) Sydney , Australia . I lived here for a year and it is officially my favourite city in the world ever . I lived in the colourful suburb of Newtown . I worked in the CBD . My office overlooked the Harbour Bridge . At lunchtime - if we didn 't go to the Wentworth Hotel for drinks - I could walk to the Opera House and sit in the Botanic Gardens . I made some great friends and had a blast ! 8 ) Dancing the night away at our wedding . One of the songs we danced to was written by Andy ( aka MC Heapey ) and I with our dear friend Paul ( aka Johnny Cashpoint ) . Of course you can hear it , but I 'll warn you , it may not be everyone 's cup of tea . Turn it up ! 9 ) Standing on stage with my husband performing a song wot I wrote . I was soooo nervous , but I was proud that we were doing something together , sYou Are A Great Read & That ! I read on British Mummy Bloggers that someone called Luke from The Edge was looking for ' family - focused bloggers to test and review a selection of Carex products and our Hands Up For Hygiene educational campaign ' . I emailed him and was sent loads of free Carex , see above photograph . I 've arrived , I thought . I 've got myself a piece of the freebie action ! Then along came ' Indie - gate ' and I felt bad . The comments on this article made me feel silly and naive , I felt belittled . I wondered whether I should stop blogging . I soon got over it of course , but I thought long and hard about posting reviews on my blog . Was I being used ? Were the PR companies that targeted mummy bloggers being cynical or ill - advised ? Actually , it doesn 't matter . I 've signed up to the Blogging with Integrity campaign . Most of my readers are ' family - focused ' too . If you don 't want to read this review however , skip past it , I won 't mind . So anyway , Carex . I have contact dermatitis . At its peak it 's like having a thousand tiny cuts on my hands . My fingers swell and they 're so itchy . With a baby you 're constantly washing your hands and this can be particularly uncomfortable . The pain keeps me awake at night . When the Carex arrived I only had one stubborn patch on one finger , but it was enough to stop me squeezing a lemon I can tell you . Also I live in fear of being made to use alcohol gel to cleanse my hands ! I started using the Carex with trepidation , but I thought in for a penny in for a pound and put it by every sink . Amazingly enough the dermatitis has completely cleared up . Could be a coincidence , but I can say categorically that Carex hasn 't made it worse . In addition to the above I love the smell . Some handwashes make me feel nauseous , but not this . My favourite was the Moisture Plus . Since my hands are no longer sore I 've been able to use the hand - gels . The small ones are perfect for handbag or changing bag and I 've been teaching the boys how to wash their hands with it . So important these days with the threat of the dreaded swine flu . There was onlMy First Review Peggy at Perfectly Happy Mum has asked for posts for the next chapter of her parenting blog , A Mother 's Secrets . This time she wants to know if , when you were pregnant , you wanted a boy or a girl and if you found out what you were having before he or she was born . I 'm going to be controversial here , or certainly in the minority . I didn 't want to find out the sex of my babies before they were born . This is my personal opinion . I don 't want to offend anyone who wants to know what they 're having , it 's your choice . This post is about how I feel and about my choices . So why didn 't I want to know what flavour my babies were before they were born ? You don 't get many surprises in life , why can 't you wait for him or her to make an appearance to find out if you have a son or a daughter ? How much nicer for the birth announcement to start with ' It 's a Boy ! ' or ' It 's a Girl ! ' , rather than ' He / She 's here ' . I loved choosing a boy 's name and a girl 's name . We kept both names a secret , even from our parents . I loved buying vests and babygros in neutral colours ; creams , whites and lemons . Your birth partner doesn 't really have much to do on the day , so before they cut the cord , they can identify the sex of the baby . Then they can sit down again . The scan at around twenty weeks is called an anomaly scan for a reason . Most people say ' we 're going to find out if it 's a boy or a girl today ' . They 're actually going to find out if the baby is developing as expected . When I had my twenty week scans my first question was ' is it okay ? ' , and certainly not ' what is it ? ' . The sonographer commented that I was a rarity . She said that normally couples ask ' what is it ? ' way before she has finished checking that the baby is okay . I understand it is exciting to find out what you 're having , but I promise you it 's just as exciting - if not more so - to find out on the day of the birth . I 'll never forget Andy looking at the brand new Presley and saying , his voice choked with teaIt 's A . . . . Baby ! Professor Gregory Stores rang me earlier this week . Don 't worry , he 's not a random caller . He 's one of the experts at The Pampers Village . I won the lovely A Modern Mother 's Pampers Golden Sleep Train competition and this was my prize . I had an hour on the phone with a sleep professor . Would he be able to help my family get a good night 's sleep ? Cash , who has just turned one , used to sleep for twelve hours per night , only rarely waking up . Over the last few months he 's started waking at random times throughout the night , about once a week . All he wants to do is play , so one of us ( usually me ) takes him downstairs to play . I know ! I can hear you shouting at your screens . Clearly this isn 't helping him learn to sleep at night . For the sake of peace and quiet for the sleeping partner ( Andy , who has to work the next day ) we go and play . As I 'm typing this I know how silly it sounds . Anyway , this is the problem I put to the Prof . A few of you had questions for the Prof too . If anyone would like to read them , they are in the comments here . They follow a similar pattern to our little problem : babies who in the past have been capable of sleeping through , but now wake up at inconvenient times , or too early in the morning . Drum roll please . . . . . Here is the advice : First a little disclaimer . The advice given here is in the form of general principles . It is not intended to replace the advice of health care professionals . If you believe your child is unwell you should seek advice from your GP or HV . These principles only apply to children that are in good health . Oh , and all babies are different . Okay , here is the advice , coming up . . . . now : At around six months a baby develops its biological clock . They learn the difference between day and night . At around six months most babies no longer need a night feed , particularly as they move onto solid food . To encourage proper day / night associations , try to make night feeds and nappy changes as quiet and calm as possible . Keep the lighting minimal , avoid talking and eye contact . Sleeping thougAdvice From The Sleep Professor As I feed my twelve month old son , cradled in my arms , I can smell strawberries . At lunchtime he scrunched pieces of strawberry into his fist and managed to get most of them in his mouth . The rest fell onto his doggy T - shirt and his pale blue shorts , no longer just pale blue . I look at that chubby fist now grabbing onto my blouse . I can 't believe he is mine . He has just woken up from his afternoon nap . He 's still sleepy . There are pink marks on his beautiful face . He must have slept with his hand by his head . He has been sweating . His hair sits in damp curls against his neck . Early September sunshine dapples through the trees and dances on his blond head . It illuminates his long eye lashes - wasted on a boy ! He is in a trance , gulping the warm milk . His nose twitches as he drinks , like a little rabbit . I can see the shape of a dolphin in his ear . This has fascinated me since I first noticed it , a few days after he was born . He has had his fill of milk and pulls away . I gently wipe the trickle of milk that dribbles down his chin . He gives me a gummy , satisfied smile . Two bottom teeth are now visible . He won 't be a baby for much longer , but he 'll always be my baby . The lovely Zooarcheaologist from Being a Mummy forwarded me an email from Louise at We Are Social . PizzaExpress are launching a new Leggera pizza and are inviting bloggers to try it . Goodness me , a free lunch . Is there such a thing ? I suppose we 'll find out ! The Leggera is a lighter pizza with a hole in the middle . The hole has salad in it . All for 500 calories . Sounds good to me . I asked on Twitter and in the North West Mums group on British Mummy Bloggers to find out if any other bloggers fancied meeting me for lunch . It seemed like a good idea at the time . A few people said yes . Gulp . One of the best things about blogging is the supportive and friendly community . So why am I nervous about meeting fellow bloggers in real life ? Well , I 'm quite shy really . I 've lived in Preston for less than two years and have only made a few friends . I 'd like to make more . So . . . Lindy at Chronicles of SquidgybooLiz at The Hectic MumSally at Who 's the Mummy ? Yummy Mammy at Secret Diaries of a Wannabe Yummy MammyYou are cordially invited to Pizza Express in Preston to try the Leggera . Please email me ( sandycalico @ ymail . com ) and we can move on to the joy that will be finding a date when we are all free ! * * * There is also a voucher for two pizzas for £ 10 here . My prize for winning A Modern Mother 's Pamper 's Golden Sleep Train competition is an hour on the telephone with a Sleep Professor . I have a few questions of my own for Professor Gregory Stores . I will be asking why was Cash awake from 1am to 3am today ? Yes , I have matchsticks holding open my eyes this morning ! If there 's time I 'd love to put your questions to the Professor too . The call will take place on Monday afternoon ( 7th September ) . Please leave me a comment before then with your sleep question and I 'll do my best to ask as many as I can . I 'll do a post afterwards and pass on all the Professor 's good sleep advice . * Yawns * Is it bedtime yet ?
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Just feel freaked out by the shortening cervix , not sure what to think or to do . Or say really . Will call OB today to discuss and see what he says . Babies fine . Big . She measured cervix slightly shorter , 2 . 8 . Hmm . But she is v conservative . Back 2 Dr New on Mon . Sigh . Not easy . The week started off badly with Lauren 's early delivery of her twins , that really affected me , thank goodness the babies seem to be doing really well . Lauren is being really brave . Then on Sunday I was reading a local baby magazine , they have a feature called ' my birth story ' . This month it was about a woman who went on holiday and then went into pre - term labour at 29w , her husband had to help her deliver the baby and the baby spent 50 days in NICU . As I started reading I went cold , it is the same baby that shared the NICU with Ben , there were only two of them there at the time . What are the chances ? ? ? I remember being so envious of the couple , their baby was so healthy and strong . Ben was so little and sick in comparison . It was another terrible pull back to those dark times . Tuesday I found out my darling SIL is pg . I am ecstatically happy for her but it came with a horrible flash back to my last pg when my sister announced her pg . Right then I knew I would lose that pg . I am so hoping the jinx doesn 't repeat itself . Then today , Wednesday I got such terrible terrible news , that Cecily lost her first twin son at 22w and has to terminate the second baby today in order to save her life . I am devastated by this news , it is surreal . How on earth can something like this happen ? I am actually speechless , what do you say about such a terrible tragedy ? Words are totally meaningless . My heart aches for her and her DH . I don 't know . I don 't know what to say . It is all surreal , I keep waiting to wake up and be told it is all just a bad dream . I will update tomorrow ( late ) after my cervix check . Please keep Cecily , Lauren , her babies , Kate , Adam and my cervix in your prayers . Forgive me for adding my cervix to the prayer list . Posted on 27 October 2004 | Permalink My pussy is enormous ; ) . I have the cat on Iams Light , he never gets scraps etc but he stays huge . And he is always hungry . Marko found him as an abandoned kitten in an industrial warehouse about six years ago and brought him home . He was completely wild , a real terror , but over the years he has mellowed a lot . Ok , having his balls cut off might have also calmed him down a bit . He still thinks he is a dog and will sometimes bite your leg as he walks past , or follow you around the garden . He also comes when you call him . A sweet cat actually , even though he and I fight all the time ( he thinks it is HIS house while it is definitely MY house , so we argue ) . We do love each other though and he likes to be in the same room as me , so he lies on the floor while I am at my desk . His name is Tequila . But then I thought there is nothing to compare his size to , so needed something to put next to him as a reference . Not sure if I mentioned this but I am eventually sorting out my study , filing all my papers , doing all my expenses etc . So close by ( in the ' pg / baby stuff to be sorted ' pile ) I had one of those hospital bands they put on your wrist for operations . I think it was from retrieval # 745 . Except that Tequila decided that it needed closer investigation , it couldn 't just lie next to him , it could , after all , be PREY . Notice how small the band is in comparison , and still intact which means it was big enough to slip over my ( large ) hand when I got home Part of Operation Organize is to do spreadsheets of all my expense etc for my tax return ( 4 months outstanding ) . One of the delightful tasks is to calculate all my medical expenses . I had a long ( 4 pages ) print out from my clinic and needed to enter the dates and amounts etc , but I had no ruler ( you do call it a ruler there ? Long plastic thing that you use in school ? ) . Searched around on desk for something to line up the numbers , and found the perfect thing lying in the top drawer among the pencils and pens . The ' ruler ' is from this last IVF . Pathetically done the day after a positive beta . For this last cycle I was so convinced that I wasn 't pg that I refused to waste 20 bucks on a HPT . I went for the beta even though I ' knew ' it was negative . I was sitting in a restaurant drinking and smoking when the call came through to tell me it was positive . In all previous cycles I had phoned the lab every hour from about 12pm pretending to be the nurse to get the results . This time I didn 't even bother phoning the Dr never mind pretending to be the nurse . I was so pissed that I never saw the two lines on the hpt that I did one the next day any way . Even though I knew the beta was positive . Ok , and because I had this little niggling fear that maybe the lab made a mistake . It 's called HPT ' ing after the fact . ( and of course you can 't throw these things away can you ! ) My niece Rebeka is so cute , a real girl , she loves dressing up . She also LOVES her Mimi ( my mom ) and spends quite a lot of time sleeping over . My mom is a divine grandmother and allows the children to dress up and just be children and have fun . And lastly from the back , how cute is the outfit . You will also notice fat cat Tequila in the pic , and a pic of my dad sorting out my garden . Our garden was a gift from my dad , what a divine gift ! This is where I spend most of my time , when I am not peeing . Just imagine me lying there with v unattractive old T shirt on , plus comfy granny pants . Like a good girl , lying on my left side ( Kate hates this position because it restricts her space , responds with a few well aimed kicks at my v full , v sore bladder , ) laptop propped up by pillows , at an angle so can read while lying down , home phone and cell phone next to me and the tiresome bottle of water with me at all times . ( bedroom still v bare , next on decorating list ) . And lastly , a pic of the Sergeant Major , I mean Marko and I on our wedding day . Notice how happy we look . It was obviously BI ( Before Infertility ) . Hence the lack of wrinkles and gray hair , and that naively optimistic look . Aren 't we a handsome couple ! ( I do look a little porky in my dress , so please use soft lighting when you look at the pic ) . This is a big week for me . This week , week 25 , is the week where I went into labour with Ben in January ( 25w6d ) , it is also the week where Lauren went into labour ( 25w5d ) . So it 's a big week . Gestation : 25w3d . Babies : Both babes growing nicely , still lots of fluid , Kate still lying on top of Adam . We managed to get a nice shot of Adam ( on the bottom ) , lying with his mouth open , and then Kate was also lying with her mouth open and as we wanted to take the pic she lifted her hand and rubbed her eye - cute . They are both swallowing fluid nicely . Cervix : Not so obedient as before . This was the not so nice part of the scan . Before we did the scan the dr did an internal , and he said the cervix felt high , closed and hard . All good . Then we did an internal scan and it looked like the cervix had shortened slightly . Adam is lying with his head right on my cervix , as he has been doing all along . Then he pulled his head away and the cervix lengthened again . The Dr measured it a few times and he said that he is not worried , it has shortened slightly ( 3mm ) but it is still long and closed . 3 . 4mm . However I am obviously a bit concerned about this , and I am going to be even better about lying down . My outings might have to reduce even more . I had my steroid shot today , which does help a little , but I would have liked the cervix to have stayed at the same length . An update on the babies ' first day : They were transferred to a bigger hospital with a top level NICU and were both on vents with low oxygen settings , which is a good thing . They seem to be stable . Lauren apparently sounds exhausted . As for me , I am feeling better today thank you , yesterday was a very bad day . Very bad . A friend of mine wrote such an eloquent post on our private board about how she felt when her little one was NICU . I could have written these words myself , I asked if she would mind if I shared it with you . I have been battling horrifying flashbacks all night and all day . I tell my self a thousand times an hour that this is not about me , it is about Lauren . This is not happening to me , it is happening to her . More than anything , I want to be in that hospital room with her . I want to be the person who understands what it feels like to have critically ill children in the NICU . I want her to be able to say and do anything she needs to because she knows that I understand . Surrounded by healthy babies and nursing moms , the feeling of despair threatens to overwhelm . You want desperately to escape , to do nothing but sit by your child 's side , watching him breathe in and out . You wonder how often is too often to call the NICU for an update . How long before they block your number because they are sick of hearing from you ? You try not to show your despair for the sake of your guests who care very much , but don 't know how to act or what to do . They come to see you but there are none of the cute little baby gifts that a new mommy should have lavished on her . They are afraid to offer these gifts , afraid that they will make the pain worse or jinx the situation in some way . There are those who do not visit at all , who do not call . Convinced that they should " give you space . " Their true feelings or an action as a result of their own discomfort ? Who knows . Flowers come , but they are flowers of sympathy rather than congratulations , this is how they feel to you anyway . A nurse comes every few hours to remind you to pump . The whole time you are listening to announcements on the intercom , telling all the new moms to come to breastfeeding class or discharge class . Babies are welcome to attend these classes with mom . A callous nurse suggests that you attend these classes as well as you , " Might eventually need this information . " You resist the urge to cuss her out . You wish desperately that your soft , warm baby were tugging at your breasts , rather than this cold , hard plastic . Pumping hurts a little at first too . And the knowledge that it may be months , if ever , before your baby can actually nurse threatens your sanity . Occasionally a hospital employee will come in and unintentionally rub salt into your wounds . The photographer , unaware of your child 's status , comes and offers to get your baby from the nursery for picture time , asks if you have a special outfit . Choking back tears , you explain and the person beats a hasty retreat in embarrassment . Not really their fault but you hate them anyway for their insensitivity . Sometimes you venture out of your room for a different view . Bad idea . Babies and happy new moms and proud dads and adoring visitors everywhere . Not your world . Why don 't they have a special wing for NICU moms ? Your room is boring , your only view for 4 or 5 days . If your baby were with you , the time would fly by as you practiced changing diapers , showed them off , watched them sleep , comforted them when they cried , lots of stuff to keep you busy . Now you only have daytime tv and the drone of your breastpump to help pass the time . And then . . . you go home . And the pain intensifies . You are still waking up every few hours to pump . But instead of the beautiful euphoria that a new mom should feel when she first realizes why she has woken up , you feel only sad and tired , worn out by your desperate need to have your baby sleeping by your side . You try to pump , hoping that you will have a nice big milk supply to nourish your premature miracle . You have heard about how moms let down their milk with just a glance at their child or the sound of their cry . All you have is a Polaroid picture of your angel hooked up to a bunch of machines . You close your eyes and try to concentrate on your baby without all that , but you cannot see her . You do not know her smell , you do not know how she feels because touching her can cause too much stimulation and make her oxygen saturation drop . You cannot even really picture her face as it is swollen from excess fluid and hidden by tubes and monitor leads . Visitors dwindle once you go home . There is no new baby to visit and you are simply a wasted milk factory . Not really that interesting , you can acknowledge that . But you are desperate for conversation , a shoulder to cry on , someone to understand that you are still in a tremendous amount of pain . You cannot even look at the baby things , cannot bring yourself to work on a nursery . You try unsuccessfully to resist the urge to take fistfuls of the narcotic painkiller they sent you home with . But sleep is your only ally . There you can escape the pain and the fear . When you awake you crawl pathetically to the phone to call for your 30th update of the day , only to have a grouchy nurse tell you that there has been no change . Or worse , you hear that they have had to up the setting on the oxygen , add a new med or take another x - ray . That is my not so eloquent description of the NICU experience . It is the sort of hell that I would not wish on my worst enemy , should I be so misfortunate as to have an enemy some day . It is the kind of pain that I want to shield everyone in the world from , that I would rather take on myself than have to watch a beloved friend endure , because I already know what it feels like . I must now say that as I write all of this stuff , with every letter I type , my hope and prayer is that Lauren is viewing all of this from a different perspective . That she is seeing the positive in all of this . And what is that positive ? The fact that she is facing all of this with the knowledge that her babies ARE ALIVE ! They are on vents ! They are on meds ! Their little hearts are beating and they are being watched closely by tons and tons of doctors and nurses . There are monitors keeping track of all of their bodily functions and their little bodies ARE functioning . Given where Lauren has been in the past , what I have just described as heart wrenching sadness may be her joy . I am clinging to that thought on her behalf and sending all the positive energy that I have in her direction . No one , ever , should have to go through the experience that is NICU . I remember being in hospital and having every one treat me as if my baby was already dead . There was no congratulatory flowers , no celebration . Just fear . I had to ask a nurse for a breast pump and she said " oh , I thought you wouldn 't be needing this " . No you bitch , my baby is still alive and I would like to think he will remain that way . Seeing all the happy moms and their babies , their visitors cooing over the fat healthy new borns , it broke my heart . Cherith is right , there should be separate ward for moms with babies in the NICU . It is cruel being among the other mothers . That sick feeling when you wake up , after eventually falling asleep , your heart sinks as you dial the number for the NICU . What will the news be ? What if they tell me he has died in the night ? The enormous relief you feel when he has had a good night , the crushing despair and sense of helplessness when they say he had a rough night . And when you are there , you feel so helpless , you just get in the way . The alarms keep going off as his oxygen levels drop , or his blood pressure increases , or worse , he stops breathing . It 's a nightmare that place , it keeps your baby alive ( hopefully ) but it 's a living nightmare . I got the most devastating news this morning . A good IF friend of mine went into labor last night , she was 25w5d pg with twins . She suddenly got contractions and they rushed her to hospital . They couldn 't stop the labor and so her twins were delivered this morning by C - section . The neonatalist said her babies are doing fine . Her little girl had to be resuscitated at birth but is now ok and they are both on vents . They were just under two pounds each . This is devastating news . On so many levels . Lauren and I have had similar paths . She lost her twin boys last year at 18w due to an IC . This time she had a stitch put in . So we had both lost twin boys . That is what happened to me with Ben at 25w6d . I was fine , then within four hours I went from ' crampy ' to full contractions and 5cm dilated . There was also no way they could stop the labor . This has brought those memories and fears sharply back into focus . The problem is that with an irritable uterus , being pg with twins etc , is that you get crampy often . But how do you know when those crampy feelings will turn into a contraction ? How do you know when the BH 's become real labor contractions ? And this after I had such a crampy day yesterday . Lauren has been so good on bed rest , even better than I . I am petrified beyond belief . And we are supposed to be ' grateful ' to be pg ? Yeah right . It 's not about the pg , it 's about healthy babies . Lauren is apparently doing well , she is being very brave and strong and hopeful for her babies . However as some of you might know , the NICU is a long , hard , difficult process of two steps forward , one step back . Lauren and her husband have such a difficult time ahead of them . Their babies will be in NICU for at least 3 months . And apparently through all of this she was worried about me ! About how I would feel . What an amazing woman . For those of you who pray , please pray . For the rest of you , please rub your Buddha doll , light your candles , burn your incense or speak to your ancestors , whatever , but these babies have to make it and be fine . She can 't lose more children . Tess , when your email is up , could you say a few prayers for her ? What this person didn 't seem to get is that you can experience two emotions at the same time . You can be grateful for some things and sad / ungrateful about others at the same time . It 's called being human . Of course I am grateful for being pg , how absolutely ridiculous to suggest otherwise , but no , I am not grateful to have this version of pg . I 'll take any version I can get of course , but am I supposed to be grateful for having an extremely high risk pg ? ? ? I don 't think so . Grateful I am , stupid I am not . Going to the website was very difficult for me because Ben had been born at the same time and not made it . So going there was hard , but soon I became so enthralled in the story of the terrific trio as they were known , that I fell totally in love with these three babies and of course their stunningly brave and beautiful parents . I logged on every day to check their progress , several times a day , I was hooked . I think they were in the NICU for about 3 months . Charles , Tess 's husband writes extremely well and he kept myself and the rest of the world updated as to their progress . Eventually , one by one , the three little angels came home . Jasper the big brave boy , Sela the gorgeous diva and Carys the tiniest little angel . Then , somehow , not even sure how it happened , but Tess emailed me , I think she read my blog . I was so excited , I felt like someone famous had recognized me . We started emailing back and forth and we now email every day , she has been a huge source of comfort and strength for me . She says a prayer for me every day . Tess is a really good writer , she is also very funny . She is actually one of those women who you want to hate , but can 't . She is really beautiful on the inside and out , funny , kind , sweet , good person , clever etc . I eventually persuaded her to start a blog which she has done . She has very little time , what between feeding three tiny hungry trips , looking after her 3 year old Sebastian , writing up witty articles for her other job as a celeb reporter etc . But she still finds time to blog . They live in Hong Kong , which is all v glam etc . Go read her blog , she is such an inspiration . Apparently having trips and a 3 year old seems to take up just a smidgen of your time , so using capital letters and worrying about grammar is not top of the priority list . And she is a tiny bit technically illiterate so we will have to get her to do an ' about me ' page and links etc , but at least she is blogging . We will get there . First off , how LOVELY is my brother for the comment he left on my blog . He lives in London as a typical 23 - year - old guy , late nights , lots of drinking and lots of girls , although apparently he does have a girlfriend at the moment ? He is a great guy , and although there is a huge age difference between us , we have always been close , we have a special bond . I helped my mom with him when he was a little baby . ( Brother , I have cleaned your butt several times , you own me buddy ! ! ) We are actually very similar , my brother and I . Last night he phoned to ask me how I am doing , so I told him to go read my blog for updates . Which he did and then left that amazing comment . How mature and sweet and lovely , especially for a young guy . Ok , my family really is amazing , we are v close . My parents have obviously done something right ( besides produce exceptionally good looking , witty , intelligent off spring ) . I was v touched by that comment . Love you little brother , and we miss you , lots . Then ante - natal class from last night . It was ok ' ish . Bit boring actually as it was all about natural birth . And as there is nothing natural about me , the conception , the pg , ( the boobs ) , the birth etc , we didn 't relate much . The class ended with breathing and visualization exercises which we politely decline to participate in . Read : Marko saying , " I am not fucking staying for that shit " . So we left just before the exercises . But we will be back next week . Oh wait , I won a prize . You had to answer some really easy questions , but the people there are mostly either very thick or very shy , and so eventually , after trying to force my hand down for a while , I couldn 't resist , I stuck my hand up in the air ' pick me , pick me ' and I answered the question correctly . Unfortunately I wasn 't allowed to answer any more questions , but I knew all the answers . Marko just shook his head . Thennnnnn … . . Yesterday Marko and I went to go look at nursery furniture . Marko and I walk around baby shops likes perverts in a sex shop , almost guiltily looking over our shoulders in case people see us and tell us we don 't belong there , picking things up , marveling over them , but never buying . So yesterday we went to look at a v v nice , up market baby store ( also v expensive , but TOO effin cute ) , JUST TO HAVE A LOOK . I wanted to see what was available . Welllll , as luck would have it , they are closing their orders for delivery for this year , by the end of the week . If we don 't order now , the next delivery will only be end Feb , which is too late . So my dear friends , I am going to be ordering nursery furniture at the end of the week ( as if a few days will make a difference ) , for delivery in December . Such cute stuff . This is the theme we are going for , Honey Bunny . Looks better in real life , a beautiful soft green and blue . I am ordering nursery furniture . I can 't believe it . Who would have ever thought in a million years I would be ordering nursery furniture . Oh shit , this is scary . V v nice , but v v scary . Thank goodness it is only arriving in December , it if was arriving now I would have to leave it in boxes or hidden away .
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I thought I should explain about the connection that existed between me and my mother . During times that one of us was very ill , the other knew about it . I 'm talking about times when we were separated by many , many miles . . . . Here are a couple of examples : When my husband and I were stationed at the U . S . Naval Base at Guantanamo Bay , Cuba , I had a feeling something was wrong with my mother . This was in the early 1970 's . . . no cell phones . . . and the Base phones were only for local calls . The feeling wouldn 't go away , and I knew I HAD to contact her ( or my father ) to see what was wrong . My husband checked around , and found out that there was a ham radio operater on the Base , and he could connect with another ham operater in the States . That guy could then connect by phone to my parent 's phone . I could speak , then say ' over ' and the two operaters would click their switches so mom or dad could then speak to me . After about 20 minutes , the connection was set up . The ham operater in the States had explained how it worked when my Dad answered the phone . I began by saying , " Hi , Dad . This is Sharon . How is Mom ? Over . " After a brief pause , I heard my Dad say , " She 's doing fine now . The operation was a success , and it wasn 't cancer after all . Over . " Apparently , at that point , I fainted . My husband grabbed me before I hit the floor , and he finished the conversation with my Dad . . . It wasn 't till we were back in the States visiting them a couple years later that Dad said something like , " It was sure nice of Paster Coffey to get the Red Cross to contact you that time your Mom was so sick . " I just looked at him . . . " Dad , no one contacted us ! I just knew something was wrong ! " Then , several years later , Dale and I were living in California . His ship was out on maneuvers , and my son and I were alone for a month . I became very ill . Another Navy wife came to check on me often and even took my son to her house for a couple days . One night I got really bad . . . fever . . . aching . . . coughing . . . I remember lying on the couch feeling so very sorry for myself . posted by Sharon at 6 / 30 / 2006 08 : 16 : 00 AM | PATIENCE Do not be desirous of having things done quickly . Do not look at small advantages . Desire to have things done quickly prevents their being done thoroughly . Looking at small advantages prevents great affairs from being accomplished . - ConfuciusBut I want the pain in my knee to be gone NOW ! ! ! ! ! ! ! PLEASE ! ! ! ! ! I woke my 63 year old self up a little while ago - - - crying and calling out for my mother ! ! ! ( she passed away two years ago ) Well , the grocery store walk yesterday probably wasn 't such a good idea . . . knee so sore and stiff today . . . had to use the crutches to navigate this morning . . . Sooo . . . took it easier today , some laundry , dish washing , etc . Then did my exercises and iced the knee for a while . Darn it ! I want to heal up ! I want to work in my flower beds again ! I want to be able to shop for groceries ! Sorry , just had to vent a little . . . This morning I made my first trip in to town since my surgery . I 've been doing all my exercises , and I felt that the knee would bend properly , so off I went to the grocery store . It felt good to be driving again ! As I maneuvered my way through the store ( leaning on the cart ! ) I felt pretty good that I could manage this ' normal ' activity again . By the time I reached the check - out , the knee was pretty sore , and I was glad to be able to sit down in the car once again . My son was home when I returned , and carried the bags into the house for me and up the stairs . With this activity under my belt , I felt bold enough to give one of our dogs a bath this afternoon ! It was just a bath and fluff dry , tomorrow I will do her haircut . ( poodles , you know . . . ) Normally , I can do both in one session , but need to sit down and rest the leg . . . Soooo . . . . . healing is happening , not as quickly as I would like , but it is happening ! I like to read lists , so thought I 'd make one about what happens after knee surgery . Bear with me . These are some of the things I am doing during my ' healing time ' : 1 . Use the crutches . When I don 't , the pain is much worse . 2 . Let the people who love me do things for me , even though it makes me feel useless . 3 . Apply the ice pack after doing the required exercises , or I will pay later ! 4 . Use a pillow ( or two ) to elevate the knee when sleeping . 5 . Take naps . 6 . Find ' sit - down ' things to do : balancing checkbook , write out bills , work on computer , sew , type for ' Seeing Hands ' , do anachrostic word puzzles ( my passion ) . 7 . Watch TV while doing any of the above . 8 . Try not to eat too much . 9 . Do everything much slower than I 'm used to : showering , dressing , walking , sitting down . . . 10 . Hang on to something sturdy when rising from a sitting position . 11 . Start for the bathroom at the first feeling I may need to go . . . otherwise . . . . well , you get the idea . 12 . When my little dog wants to jump in my lap , catch her quickly before her toenails dig into the incisions on my knee . 13 . Let my husband and son cook . They do it so well anyway ! 14 . Wash the dishes , but sit down often while doing so . 15 . Try not to smoke too much . 16 . Drink lots of water . ( See # 11 ) 17 . Count the days when I will be back to ' normal ' , whatever that is ! 18 . Thank husband and son often for all they do to help me ! 19 . Read blogs . 20 . Wonder if surgery will really make knee better / less painful / more mobile . My son drove me to Park Rapids this morning to see the orthopedic surgeon . His nurse removed the dressing and took out the stitches . Then she applied ' steri - strips ' . Dr . said everything looked good , to continue my exercises , and call if I have any problems . I asked him if I could drive yet , and he said ' yes ' . So I asked him to let my son know so he wouldn 't think I was pushing it . . . Bless his heart , he has hauled me to drs . twice this week with absolutely no complaint ! The knee is still stiff , and it will be some time before I walk without the crutches or cane , but I know that that time will come soon ! Well . . . I got scolded . . . by my dr . ! ! ! Doing too much , too soon . And I thought I 'd been really careful ! Anyway . . . his nurse soaked the whole mess with saline , then cut and peeled it off . . . yueck . . . Then the dr . examined it and said one incision is just taking a while to heal over . He rebandaged everything , and told me how to change the dressing myself tomorrow . So when I go back to the surgeon on Thursday , I won 't be able to drive after all . Have to rely on my son again . He drove me in today . He says he doesn 't mind , but oh , how I hate to bother anyone ! ! ! ! ! I 've really been doing well since the surgery . I 've had much less pain than I expected , can move around a lot better than I thought I would , sleeping well . . . But . . . the wound / incision / stitches whatever , is still bleeding ! Not gushing or anything , but seeping through the surgical bandage , the gauze , and the ACE wrap ! ! ! So tomorrow morning , my son is taking me into the clinic to have my dr . look it over . Maybe I accidentally pulled a stitch or something . . . I don 't know . I just want it to stop ! Feeling MUCH better today . . . Remember that line from ' Night Court ' ? Harry 's long , lost stepfather is released from a mental instutition . His classic line is , " But I 'm feeling MUCH better now ! " Don 't know why , but that always cracked me up . I 've been using the ice cuff thing and doing the exercises . I quit the strong pain killers . Made me want to throw up ! So just over the counter Tylenol for Arthritis . My husband finished the mowing this morning , did some laundry and made supper ! I 'm feeling spoiled ! Our son did the dishes ( twice ) , and helped me several times . I 'm getting pretty bored , however . I 'm used to being busy all day . . . but yesterday in the mail was the latest package of books from Seeing Hands . I do typing for them . I type out the book , then email it to them . They then take the file I send and put it through a program that prints it out in Braille . They re - assemble the books with a page of regular print next to a Braille page . They are designed for blind children who have seeing parents who can read along with them . Neat idea ! I 've been typing books for them for about 3 years now . Makes me feel like I 'm helping a little bit . . . Typing is something I can do even with a gimpy leg ! Send Loralee some good wishes . She is out of commission and can 't use her computer at all ! ! ! She has a dear friend who is posting for her during the hiatus . And we need some rain ! ! ! Yesterday on the way to the hospital ( 35 miles west of here ) we drove through a downpour . However , none of it dropped over our place at all ! Things are getting too dry ! When you live in the middle of a forest , you don 't want things dry , believe me ! Tomorrow is Father 's Day . If you are fortunate to have a father near by , give him a big hug ! Mine has been gone for 24 years now , and I still miss him very much . . . Tomorrow morning at 9 : 30 , I will have arthoscopic surgery on my right knee . Dr . Johnson from Headwaters Orthopedics will be my surgeon . He told me it would take about 3 hours , then I go home with crutches , a prescription for pain medication , and exercises to do . Can 't drive for a week . . . at least . Total recovery takes from 4 to 6 weeks . So . . . wish me luck ! ( can you tell I 'm nervous ? scared ? worried ? ) Mert 's Crew and Congressman James Oberstar . Mert Lego and his daughters and niece have cooked a spring barbecue for area legislators for many years . This spring they were invited to go to Washington , D . C . to cook there . His daughter , Gina Moore , asked me to make special chef 's aprons for the event . Couldn 't resist this shot . You can see the last of some of the irises , the beginnings of the day lilies , and the hardy shrub roses showing off ! Some of the sedum that crawls all over the rocks are starting to bloom , also . I love the sedum . It grows almost anywhere , doesn 't need much care at all , and looks great blooming or not . One of the satin ' underskirts ' . Next step was to serge side seams then hem bottom . Tulle ' overskirts ' . I appliqued two lace inserts that were on sleeves of original wedding dress on to the front of each overskirt . Then basted the overskirts to the underskirts . Six little sleeves waiting to be inserted . . . Man , I need a break ! One of my customers asked me to make a set of six ' bean bags ' for a game board someone made for her . They are 7 inches square . I made inner bags of cotton to hold the beans securely , then the outer bags are nylon so they will slide properly on the board . For the nylon bags , I serged the seams to prevent fraying . Although she didn 't ask for lettering , I thought it really added something to the finished project . Here are two more pictures of the Hummingbird Clearwing Moth . I can 't help it . . . they are so fun to watch , and a challenge to photograph ! I know as soon as the lilacs are done blooming , they will be gone , so pardon me for enjoying this SO much ! I 've always loved lilacs . We have had several bushes of French lilacs on the west side of our yard for years . They bloom very little , probably because there is not enough sun there . So a few years ago , we bought a ' Korean ' lilac bush and planted it beside the house . It is now about 10 feet tall and at least 8 feet wide . It is blooming right now , and the blossoms cover the bush from ground to the top of the bush ! The sweet fragrance is overwhelming ! The hummingbirds , butterflies , and moths just love this bush ! They are drinking their fill every day that the bush is in bloom ! Two little visitors had me looking on the internet for more information . They looked like very tiny ( 2 inch ) hummingbirds , but they had antennae ( see one in the top picture ) . . turns out they are ' Hummingbird Clear Wing ' moths ! Second picture is of an Eastern Tiger Swallowtail butterfly . ( I had to look that one up , too ! ) Third picture is of a Monarch butterfly . Last picture is of the Hummingbird Clear Wing moth again , but you have to really look for him ! Last night was awesome ! Clouds built up slowly during the early evening . Temperatures began to cool down . The birds were especially busy , gathering bits and pieces for their evening meals . . . Then nothing . I had hoped for some rain . The grass was getting dry , I was tired of pulling the hose around to water my flower beds . . . Went to bed about 11 : 00 and knee kept me awake . I watched lightning flash through my bedroom windows , and the thunder began to be closer and louder . Maybe . . . I thought . Then about midnight it came . Great large drops hitting the roof , lightning flashing , and almost at the same time thunder crashing ! I got up to sit at the table in the living room so I could watch the storm through the picture window . Sony followed me , and wanted me to hold her . I guess the noise makes her nervous . The rain was wonderful ! The earth seemed to just soak it up like a sponge ! This morning , as the sun came out and was shining on the garage roof , steam rose up from the roof ! It looked almost like the garage was on fire ! Today everything looks about twice as green as it did yesterday ! The pine and birch pollen that has covered EVERYTHING was washed away . Wow , it was wonderful ! I always think of June 1st as the start of summer . Maybe it 's from over 30 years of teaching , and school was usually out by this time . So with my bunged up knee , my activity level is lower than usual . . . ( not that I was a speed demon before ) . . . still managed to get a couple loads of laundry done ( wishing my washer and dryer were not in the basement ! ! ! ) , weeded in my flower bed a little , drove to town for a couple errands , washed some dishes . . . Man , the level of excitement is overwhelming to say the least ! Oh , and I took a nap for an hour , too . My son hung up another hummingbird feeder and a suet feeder for me today . He put them on opposite ends of my screen porch so I can watch any bird activity in the comfort of that little haven !
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After class , I came home and played with my new shuffle . I installed iTunes and got my music transfered - - well , everything but music that has been purchased . I still have to figure out how to do that without paying extra . So , without most of my music , I didn 't take the new shuffle out for my evening 's 3 miler ; instead , I took the old mp3 ( which works just fine ) . My 3 miles today bring the month of Feburary to a close , and with the past two week 's dismal mileage , my month 's total falls far short of January 's 95 miles . Thus ? The total for February : 68 miles . YTD mileage : 163 . I 'm hoping March will be a return to normalcy ( February has been jam - packed busy ) and I hope to have the mileage back into the 80 - 90 range . This next week should be a good opportunity to re - establish a routine since I 'm on break ( wa - hoo ! ) . So , to start off my break this evening , the hubby and I are headed out to a FL Panthers vs MN Wild game . We 're meeting the " crew " in 30 minutes and we all chipped in for a suite , which means we get to watch the game in luxury , and even better , we get all we can eat and drink included in the suite 's price ! I , personally , plan on getting my money 's worth . Hope everyone else has a supah - dupah Friday night ! That 's right , bitches , I won it ! See , you may or may not remember me talking about my department seeking to adopt a new handbook ; well , even if you don 't remember , that 's okay : I 'll elaborate . Textbook publishers are essentially to college professors what drug reps are to doctors or crack dealers are to crackheads - - they all try to push their product . Well , it 's like a feeding frenzy between publishers and their reps around here lately , and yesterday , one of the publishers hosted a book fair / luncheon in our department and was raffling off prizes . And , well , I 'm sure you can guess that I won one of the raffle prizes - - the shuffle ! Now , my husband is against iProducts like Amy Winehouse is against rehab , but he has to accept the fact that I won one , and now I can finally have the iProduct I 've been dreaming of . Granted , this kinda sucks because I will need to download iTunes and re - buy or re - download much of my music , but I 'm so excited to use this little puppy . It 's so pretty , isn 't it ? After a good run yesterday , I was feeling ambitious this morning when I posted earlier . Yeeeeaaahhh . . . then those ambitions pretty much went to shit . I came home from school and crashed - - I slept for about an hour and a half , and then have pretty much spent the rest of the evening in a semi - comatose position in front of the TV . The good news is that after tomorrow I 'm on spring break , which means no work for 9 days ! I can 't tell you how much I am gonna enjoy that ! Admittedly , I 've been pretty much running on fumes the past few days and weeks , caffeinated fumes yes , but fumes nonetheless . I need a little gas in the tank . Thanks for the compliments on last night 's speedy 4 miler . Certainly , those were not usual digits for me ( consistently running sub - 9 min / miles for 4 miles has never happened before ) ; however , in the past few months , you 're right to observe that I have been working on getting faster . I suppose D10 already said it best when she observed her own increase in speed , but I will repeat her thoughts here because they are so in synch with my own . See from Sept ' 06 through Oct ' 07 , I was pretty much solely focused on marathon training . First for Disney and then later for Chicago . And I think I was just so focused on completing the distances , I didn 't even conceive of the idea that I could be pushing myself to go faster . After Chicago , when I resolved that I would lay off the full marathon for awhile , I started to see what I was capable of over shorter distances . At first , it was hard . I was so used to zeroing in on my marathon pace - - 10 : 30 / mile - - that to pick up the pace was difficult . But slowly , I have seen gradual increases in my speed ability . No , I have not been consciously doing tempo runs or speed intervals - - essentially my method has been much more simplistic : run faster . Plus , something I read somewhere ( honest to god , I don 't know where - - either in RW or on someone 's blog ) has stuck with me : " If you want to run faster , you have to run faster . " In other words ? All that time spent " wishing " I could run faster was useless ; turns out I had actually had to push my little legs to go faster in order to see any difference . Weird , huh ? Anyhoo , by no means can I hang with the fast chicks yet , but the improvement is certainly satisfying . In other news , it 's 50 degrees here in South Florida today - - very frigid - - but to me , that means perfect running temps . So , later I plan on putting in something between 6 - 7 miles . I 'm sure I won 't be able to replicate yesterday 's speed , nor would it be my aim to do so , but I 'm looking forward to something a little lengthier . Have a good Thursday , peeps ! On my way home this afternoon , I stopped by the grocery store for a few items . And what 's right next door to the grocery store ? Dunkin Donuts . Looking for a little pick - me - up for the afternoon , I decided to step into Dunkin and get a cup of coffee . Now , usually , I don 't drink their coffee , but it was right there so I got a cup . Yum - o ! Marcy 's right , that stuff is dang good . I wouldn 't go as far as saying it 's superior to Starbucks , but it certainly is a close rival , and based on what I 'm about to reveal , is maybe also more powerful . So , I got home , cleaned the house and then set out for a 4 miler . Here are the splits : 1 : 8 : 562 : 8 : 563 : 8 : 494 : 8 : 46Total Time : 35 : 27Yes , you are reading those numbers right , and yes , every mile came in as a sub - 9er . Based on these abnormally fast digits I have concluded that Dunkin Donuts perhaps adds crack to their coffee . And if that 's true ? Fine with me - - I could become a Dunkin Devotee . Last night I had a weird , running - related dream that I thought I 'd share with everyone : In the dream , I was running Chicago again , but I was running the half ( which , I know - - there is no half ) . So , because of what happened last year , race directors had decided to start the race at sundown to guarantee more pleasant temps , so the race wasn 't gonna start until 8 pm instead of 8 am . I get to the race early , of course , and am standing around with the other races when rumors start spreading through the crowd that the race will be delayed . Upon further investigation , we learn that a mountain lion has escaped from Lincoln Park Zoo and race officials are worried that runners will be attacked by the puma while running through that part of the race course . Everyone starts freaking out and it 's mass chaos . Soon , we see a zebra run by and shortly afterward , other zoo animals start walking or running by us , so everyone is screaming and running . What is my dream - logic ? I decide that since I 'm gonna be running from zoo animals anyway , I may as well log 13 . 1 miles so I start to run the course . It 's dark , animals abound ( in a distinct part of the dream , I am running alongside a camel ) , racers are in a panic , and here I am trotting along the streets of Chicago running my " half . " I woke up before the dream went any further , but that 's a weird one . Wonder where that came from ? Can anyone offer some kind of dream interpretation ? Posted by to the rest of the year 's race schedule . At the beginning of the year , I just wanted to focus on what I had scheduled through February before I decided about races for the rest of the year , but now that February is almost over , I am forced to start thinking for really - reals in terms of what I want to do the rest of the year , in terms of racing . First of all , I 've discovered that I like the half marathon : great distance , relatively easy to train for , challenging yet satisfying . So , I 'd like to run at least two more this year . My choices ? I 'm thinking first and foremost of The Colfax Half in Denver , CO on May 18th . It 's a good opportunity because it gives me plenty of time to train ; plus , I could stay with my family there in Denver . Additionally , my sister , who is 16 and a cross country runner , might join me so it would be a good opportunity for the two of us to do something together . I don 't know if I could expect a PR outta this one though - - partially because of the altitude and I don 't know how that will affect me , but mostly because of running with my sister ( we could run really well together or not - - I have no idea ) . The other half , I 'm tentatively putting on the calendar , is Palm Beach - - but that 's not until Decemeber so I have a long time to consider that one . I 'd love to do Virginia Beach , but I doubt the cost quotient will allow for that one . Aside from halves , I 'd like to do a few other unique distances this year . I have my eye on the WDW Minnie Marathon on May 4th , which is a 15K up in Orlando . Disney always knows how to put on an event , so I think it would be fun ; plus , it 's an all - women event so that might be interesting - - I 've never done anything gender - specific before . And lastly , I 'm considering the Army 10 miler in DC in October . Again , this could be another good family opportunity . I could stay with my dad , and in talking with him , I may even be able to convince him to run it with me . He already runs pretty regularly , but he keeps his distances short ; however , I know he could train for this and I Posted by I 'm back in the Sunshine State ! My flight arrived late last night , and by the time I got home and to bed , it was 1 am ( needless to say , 7 am came around a little too soon for my taste this morning ) . But I promised some details about the bachelorette party , so here they are : The bride , my friend Michelle , lives in a small town just north of Brainerd , MN , so one would have to make a pretty serious drive to get to a strip club ; instead , we got together ( sans strippers ) first for cocktails , appetizers , gifts , and a few games , and then we hit the bars . Pictured below is the group of ladies . I 'm on the right holding up the devil horns and sportin ' a dangerously low cut dress . Here 's Michelle and I . So , to make the bar - hopping a bit more interesting , Michelle 's sister , Laura , had devised a scavenger hunt , and we were each supposed to carry out a series of rather embarassing tasks . First up , I had to find a bald guy and kiss him on the head , but you know me , I always have to take things one step further . I also got a piggyback ride from a guy , stuck my finger up my nose , asked single men for condoms , and even had a stranger write on my ass ( I do have a picture of that but it is rather unflattering , so you 'll have to settle for a nose - picking pic ) . In the end , we had a good time , drank just the right amount , danced up a storm and had some good laughs . It was nothing but good , good times . And like I said , I returned home late last night , and one of the best parts about traveling anywhere is the homecoming , especially when I 've got a husband who must be trying to win some kind of spouse - of - the - year - award because I came home to fresh flowers and a gift ( the movie that we both enjoyed last week ) . Today , I was pretty tired , but I had class to teach and when I got home , chores to get to . I may or may not squeeze a run in this evening . I 'll let you know if I do ; otherwise , peace out . The bachelorette party was loads of fun - - but I 'll wait to fill you in on details and post pictures tomorrow when I 'm at home . But , we didn 't get to bed until about 3 am , and I was awake at 8 : 30 , so I haven 't really been well - rested . However , that didn 't stop me from once again bundling up and braving the elements for a quick run . Today was a little chillier than yesterday , but it was so pretty out : foggy with frosted trees - - it looked like a winter postcard . So while it was cold , I enjoyed a quick 3 miler . The air here at his time of year feels strangely good to breathe while running . Granted , it 's sharp and almost harsh on the lungs , but at the same time , it 's so crisp and dry that it feels good to breathe it . In Florida , the air always feels thick and moist ; and it never has that sharp , clean feeling . Yet , that crisp air comes at a price : my skin is dry , everything is staticky , and I 've been parched since I got here . Still , it was a beautiful run , and it 's so nice to be able to run at 11 am and not sweat to death . But . . . I fly out this evening , and arrive home late tonight , so I 'll fill you in the fun details of the trip tomorrow evening after work . My flight arrived last night without any hitches , and I have been enjoying my weekend with friends so far . Today , I got in a 6 miler . It was chilly , about 31 degrees , but I bundled up in my cold weather running gear and I tore through it . The first mile was something to get used to , and I could certainly feel how the cold made my shoes feel stiffer , but otherwise , it felt kinda good to breathe in that sharp , dry air . After 2 miles , I felt adequately warmed up and I could appreciate my surroundings : the snow , the crisp , sunny landscape , the bare trees that are just brushed with frost - - it was cold , but it was scenery I usually don 't get , so the change of pace was nice . Unfortunately , the road was much hillier than I usually run , but I tackled the hills with gusto , and while it was hard to maintain my pace on the ascent , it was fun working hard on the hills and then enjoying each hill 's descent . Here are the splits : 1 : 9 : 132 : 10 : 10 ( had to walk for a bit to take off my top layer - - I actually got pretty warm ) 3 : 9 : 304 : 9 : 415 : 9 : 346 : 9 : 24Total Time : 57 : 38So , yeah , it felt really good to get a run like this in after such a busy , run - less week . Tonight ? We bachelorette party it up , so bring on the drinks ! We 'll see if I feel up to another short run tomorrow before my flight departs . I 'd like to , but like I said , that may depend on many factors this evening . Hope everyone is enjoying a nice weekend ! Last night , between laundry and packing , I did sneak a short run in . I just did 2 miles , and I didn 't even take the Garmin along . I probably could have squeezed something longer in , but I was feeling rushed , and frankly , a little stressed , yet I felt like I had to run - - just to remind the legs of what their job is , even though they 've had a relaxed week . The 2 miler felt good , and all things seem to have recovered easily from Sunday 's half . I also did manage to get all my laundry done ( hubby is on his own with his hamper ) and got myself packed for the weekend . I 'm pretty sure I over - packed , just because I don 't know exactly what I 'll wear and I need choices ; plus , I did pack the running stuff , just in case . I 've been feeling so tired lately that if I sit down for too long , I just dose off . Such was the case last night for about an hour - - laid down on the bed to read some and before I knew it , Jerry was standing over me asking if I was finished packing ( I was not ) . Spring break is a week away for me , and my big plans for the week off ? I think I 'm gonna sleep that entire time ! But for now , there 's no rest for the wicked ! I 'm off this afternoon for the bitter northland for a weekend of fun ! Should be good times . First up , to answer a few FAQs after last night 's post : Jess , how ya feeling today ? Fine . I felt a touch out of sorts when I got up this morning , but it wasn 't anything a few bottles of water and 2 Advil couldn 't cure . It was probably good that last night was a week night , though ; otherwise , the evening carried with it a distinct possibility of drinking and rockin ' out until the wee hours . Pretty much the only two reasons we stopped when we did was because we couldn 't get past Metallica 's " Sandman " ( that song is wicked hard , yo ) and because our bassist wanted to go home and go to bed ( sorry Jon , if you wanna be a rockstar , you have to learn to stay up past 8 : 30 ) . Jess , when does bowling start again ? We miss you 're drunken rambling and enjoyed the opportunity to criticize your grammar . We bowl in the summer , June - August . So you still have another few months of relative sobriety to wait through . But I agree , I miss bowling too and I can 't wait for June . So . . . in other news : Watched the lunar eclipse last night and thought it was pretty tubular . I thought it was weird how the moon got a reddish glow to it . Or maybe that was 10 beers that were casting a rosy hue over the scenery . . . Today , after school , I have a few errands to run , then I have to pack for my weekend trip to the frozen tundra , and hopefully , I can also pack a run in ( to the evening , not into my suitcase ) . I 'm not sure if I 'm gonna bring running stuff with me to MN or not . Part of me says , " Are ya crazy ? It 's gonna be cold and you won 't have time - - you 'll be busy drinking and participating in other debauchery all weekend ! " But the other part of me says , " Jess , you haven 't run at all this week and it would be good to sneak something in over the weekend if you can . Besides , running in the cold does offer a certain ' toughness ' to your already impressive running reputation . " Thus , I think I 'll pack the running stuff ( it doesn 't take up too much room ) and just play it by ear . So - - I 'll update later today if I run ( sorry , when I run ) . Lator gators . . . . I didn 't run tonight . Instead , I drank about 8 , or 9 , or 10 beers and rocked out with my homies in Rock Band . I had a whole lotta fun being the front - girl for the guys ' band , and even though I sucked it up on some songs , it was tons ' o fun , and I 'm glad they let me rock out with ' em . And now I must go to bed . So many beers makes Jess sleepy . I hope to run tomorrow , but this week is shaping up to be a wash in terms of mileage . So , today in South Florida it 's a little cloudy and rainy - - cool for FL standards - - and it 's 74 degrees . But , this weekend , I am traveling to MN , and I don 't think I can accurately prepare myself for the bitch - slap Mother Nature is gonna deliver to me : If that 's not clear to you , that is a picture my stepdad sent me this morning . It 's the thermometer at he and my mom 's house in Northern MN , and it reads - 31 . 2 ! ! ! That 's a 100 degree difference . I 'm scurrrred ! I took everyone 's advice yesterday and skipped the recovery run - - or rather , delayed it until Wednesday - - and I opted instead for an evening in bed with a book and a bowl of ice cream . The book ? " The Geography of Bliss " by Eric Weiner . It 's an interesting exploration of different ideas of happiness in different countries . The writer manages to make the subject both insightful and humorous , so I 'm enjoying it . The ice cream ? Vanilla with chocolate syrup . A classic combination . I like to mix it all together in my bowl and make it a chocolately , soupy concoction , yet I 'm not so keen on plain chocolate ice cream . Am I alone on this ? Either way , my method of ice cream consumption makes me happy - - and if you can find bliss in a small bowl of soupy ice cream , the book I 'm reading suggests that 's brilliant . So , the results were officially posted yesterday afternoon for A1A , and my chip time was 2 : 09 : 41 , so the Garmin was just 4 seconds slower than my chip time . Coolio . I also scanned the results and found I placed 69th in my age group , yeah , " 69 " baby ! Sorry , that 's my inner teenager emerging : ) Today , I 'm experiencing the usual aches and pains of post - race soreness , but nothing unusual - - mostly that means that going down stairs sucks - - and I 'm sure I 'll be right as rain tomorrow . Can 't decide if I should do a recovery run today or not though . Usually , I rest the day after a long race , but tomorrow I don 't really have time to run , and that means I won 't get a run in until Wednesday if I don 't do it this evening . What say you folks ? Recovery run tonight ? Or save it until Wednesday ? After the race yesterday , I did spend several hours grading papers , but I also made sure I got the appropriate afternoon nap in , and in the evening , Jerry and I watch the movie " Stardust " : And I have to say , I highly recommend this flick ! For those of you who loved " The Princess Bride " growing up , I guarantee you 'll like this , and even if you don 't like " The Princess Bride " ( which is just silly ) , I think this film is perfect for all audiences : it 's got action / adventure , pirates , fencing , love , magic , murderous princes , and humor . Both Jerry and I gave it two thumbs up ! And now we both want to read the novel , by Neil Gaiman , that the movie is based on . I guess that 's it for now , my dear bleaders ( that 's " blog " + " readers " ) . For those of you who have today , President 's Day , off , I hate you - - but , I hope you enjoy the sales ; for those who are stuck at work like me , let 's petition for this to be a future day off ! Why ? Because 3 day weekends need to occur on a monthly basis ; there needs to be a law . That 's my opinion . Peace out . The chip time isn 't up yet , but my Garmin says 2 : 09 : 45 and I think the clock time was 2 : 11 , so my guess is that the chip time will be similiar to my Garmin . Either way , it 's an improvement over Miami by about 12 minutes . So , the report : Pre - Race and Start : Wendy and I left our house around 4 : 45 and while we ran into some traffic , it wasn 't bad , so we were parked and out of the car by 5 : 30 am . Quickly , we each used the restroom and then found our perspective places within the corral where we bid each other " adieu " : I situated myself amongst the 10 minute milers and Wendy was between the 8 : 30 and 9 minute milers . The timing was near perfect because we only had to stand in the corral for about 15 minutes before the start - - way beter than the 90 minutes I stood before Miami . I didn 't hear the gun , but we promptly began at 6 am . First Half : Unlike Miami , where I had a hard time establishing my own pace in the first few miles , I felt like I found a comfortable pace immediately this morning , and I was able to remain within a pretty consistent window for the first 6 miles : 1 : 9 : 492 : 9 : 493 : 9 : 594 : 9 : 335 : 9 : 286 : 9 : 35I saw the first front runner at about 45 minutes , and saw Wendy ahead of me shortly before the turn around between miles 6 and 7 . Second Half : I was still feeling good at the turn around , and my miles continued to be consistent up until mile 10 , then I slowly began to lose steam . But otherwise , my 8 and 9 minute times were the fastest I 've ever had ( was at the 8 mile marker at 1 : 17 and the 9 at 1 : 27 ) . 7 : 9 : 418 : 9 : 429 : 9 : 4510 : 10 : 21 ( starting to feel tired ) The last few miles were a bit of a struggle because the wind picked up off the ocean and we were running straight into a steady headwind . Not so bueno for the last few miles , but on the other hand , the strong breeze also helped keep me cool , so I can 't complain about it too much . 11 : 9 : 5912 : 10 : 1713 : 10 : 12 . 16 : 1 : 29 ( did significantly less " swerving " this morning than I did at Miami ) Total Time : 2 : 09 : 45Avg Pace : 9 : 51 / mileFinish and Post Race : When I crossed the finish lineJess Today , I join Wendy for the A1A expo as we get ready for tomorrow 's half . And as I think about tomorrow ' race , I can 't help but think about last year 's race . I had been suffering from ITBS , but had basically been ignoring it until it became un - ignorable at A1A . The DNF last year was a first for me ( and a cold , hard slap of reality about ignoring an injury ) , and afterward it resulted in taking a long break from running and resuming after nearly 6 weeks away from it . When I think back on this today , I realize how much I have changed , how I am such a different runner . I feel like I run more consistently than ever now ; plus , I run with a greater dedication to a schedule and with a greater knowledge of why I constructed the schedule in that way . I am more consistent with taking the time to stretch and use the foam roller . I run smarter , faster , and more efficiently . True , I 'm still not the speediest person out there , but if I look at where I started from and where I am now , there 's a huge margin of improvement - - I guess that 's what I should see after nearly 3 years of focusing on this running shiz . So , tomorrow , I know I may not be that fast ( Wendy will beat me by a long shot ) , but I do hope to improve on the half I did 3 weeks ago ( but if I don 't , I 'm not too worried ) . However , no matter my time , I know I 'll run a much better race this year , and while I don 't want to label this attempt a " revenge run " because of my failure at last year 's race , conquering it will help lay that disappointment over last year 's DNF to rest . Today , I was back to the grind with classes , but at least it 's Friday , so it wasn 't too bad . After work , I went to David 's Bridal to have my bridesmaid dress , for the March wedding , fitted . They had to take it in a little on the top , and then had to hack off about 8 inches of the bottom because . . . well . . . I 'm barely bigger than a smurf so an adult gown is a leeeetle too long for Jess . The finished product should be done in two weeks , and I should be good to go . The wedding isn 't until March 15th ( the Ides of March ! ) , but next weekend , I 'm flying up to MN for the bachelorette party ( woo - hoo ! ) and while I 'm not excited for the cold weather , I am excited to see my friend , the bride , and party down with all the other ladies . But , this weekend , I have the A1A half to focus on . So , tomorrow , Wendy is meeting me and we 're going to the expo together , then she 's staying here overnight ( Scooter will keep her company in the guest bedroom , I 'm sure ) , and we have the race bright and early on Sunday morning . I think I feel pretty ready . A1A is smaller than Miami , so I 'm not nervous about parking and traffic , and now that I 've finished a half , I 'm just looking to improve on my time , so I feel pretty relaxed about the race on Sunday . But . . . I gots to go . We 're going to our friends ' house for some game playing and beer drinking this evening . Have a good weekend everyone ! It was a busy day off , but I got everything on my list done : finish laundry ? check . even washed all the bedding - - deserves a double check ! finish reading papers ? ch - check . play with Scooter ? of course , check . complete returns and exchanges ? check . buy hubby 's v - day gift ? check . even picked up my brother 's b - day gift and mailed it off as well - - another double check ! pick up around the house ? check . complete scheduled run ? check : 3 miles ( 9 : 24 , 9 : 09 , 9 : 07 - - total time : 27 : 41 ) . Plus , after being so busy at home and at work for the past 6 weeks , it was nice to have a day all to myself . And now , I 'm sitting back and chillaxin ' ( " chilling " + " relaxing " ) while the hubby prepares our Valentine 's dinner . Ahhhh , it was a nice day . . . Those of you who commented on last night 's post with a responsible " Jess , you absolutely need to go to work tomorrow - - faking sick for a day off is bad " were very logical ; however , Jess is resilient to logic . Thus , you guessed it , I went with those folks who said , " Go ahead , take the day off , woo - hoo ! " Like you really thought I 'd go with the " be a good worker " bologna ? So , yup Jerry , I cancelled classes today and I am currently doing the first load of laundry , and I plan on the following list of " to - do " for the rest of my " sick " day : finish laundryfinish reading the papers I brought home with me ( and to my credit , I did work on them for 2 hours last night ) pick up around the houseplay with Scooter ( his little Beagle - self is very happy that I 'm home for the day ) do my returns / exchanges at the mallfind a v - day gift for hubbydo my scheduled runThat should keep me busy ! Have a good Valentine 's Day homies ! Give your luh - vers an extra squeeze today ! The torrential rains ceased late this afternoon and I was able to enjoy my 3 miler in pleasantly cool - after - rain conditions . They weren 't the speediest miles , but they sufficed : 1 : 9 : 272 : 9 : 343 : 9 : 39Total : 28 : 41So . . . unrelated to running , I really want to take a sick day tomorrow . Not because I feel sick : no , that 's silly , but because I don 't want to go to work ( and I have a whole pile of papers I haven 't finished reading ) . I tried to reason with my husband that I could get a lot done tomorrow if I don 't go to work : finish reading those papers , do the laundry , return / exchange a few items at the mall ( hubby bought me a new purse for v - day , and while it 's real purty , it 's a dark brown , and I have a lot of browns in my purse collection , so I was thinking of exchanging it for a black purse ) , etc . Thus , it 's not like I 'd be laying on the couch watching all the discs of " The Tudors " that have arrived from Netflix ( although , that also sounds like an excellent activity ) . However , Jerry says I shouldn 't call in sick because I 'm not sick and he argues it 's wrong for me to fake it in order to get a day off . What do you guys think ? Do I go to work tomorrow like a good girl ? Or , do I use a sick day and get some shiz done ? Lightning striking near downtown Ft Lauderdale last night : Students were scared that perhaps God was trying to target them : ) Actually , I have had pretty full classes today and yesterday - - despite the " inclement " weather . I 've really only been missing a few students out of each class , which is pretty much par for any given day of the week , day or night class . However , this rain the past two days has created quite a tizzy , which is weird , since South Florida is a sub - tropical climate and we get rain on a daily basis for 6 months of the year . But because it 's February and not June , suddenly , no one knows how to drive or venture out into the downpour . One student , who just stopped in my office , said : " I braved the elements to be here " ! I bet everyone who is getting pounded by snow , sleet , and cold temps appreciates that ! Maybe later , I too will " brave the elements " and get my run in for the day . Might be hard . It 's tempting to just go home , put on a kettle of tea , and watch movies all afternoon - - it is pouring out there . Houseguests flew home today - - just in time too because we 're having cloudy , rainy weather today . Which has led to low student - attendance today , and I 've already had 3 students call to see if classes are being held tonight . Granted , there were reports on the news of severe thunderstorms and the possibility of tornadoes in some areas , but really ? It 's just a rainy day . Therefore , I 'm guessing that my night class this evening will be somewhat sparse in population . But , I 'm glad that Tuesdays are a rest day for me - - tornadoes or no - - me no likey to run in the rain . Well . . . I 'm off to my class ! Should be good times : Any bets on the number in attendance ? Drive to the beach with all 6 of us in the car . Endure 45 minutes of kids : " How much longer until we get there ? " " Mom , Colby 's touching me ! " " I 'm not touching him ; he 's touching me ! " " Mom , I don 't wanna sit here , how come I have to sit here ? " " How much longer until we get there ? " Spend several hours baking in the sun , while the 2 boys run back and forth in the waves and do not tire one bit . Drive back home with all 6 of us in the car and endure another 45 minutes of kids : " How much longer until we get there ? " " Mom , Colby 's touching me ! " " I 'm not touching him ; he 's touching me ! " " Mom , I don 't wanna sit here , how come I have to sit here ? " " How much longer until we get there ? " Repeat on both days . So . . . yeah , I 'm beat . Between the time in the sun ( which means I now look like a cross between a leather handbag and a lobster ) , and the constant kid - noise , I just want to return to a quiet home and sleep for about a week . But instead , I 'm here at school ( where there is an entirely different kind of whining to deal with ) ; thankfully , our guests depart tomorrow and we get our house back . Having kids around for a weekend is the best kind of birth control I can imagine . The past few days have been busy with our houseguests . Yesterday , after my run and haircut , we went to the beach . Thankfully , we did get some fun in the surf and sun before the rain clouds moved in and rained us out . Below , our the nephews and my husband in the water . Later , my husband took the nephews to a local aquarium store ( it 's a big ass store , so it 's cooler than it sounds ) to see the sharks and sting rays and the rest of us took advantage of the quiet and took some naps . When they returned , we went out to dinner at Gameworks ( like a Dave and Busters - - arcade + restaurant ) , had dinner and played plenty of games ( personally , I rocked the Skee - ball lanes ) . Today , I think we 're going back to the beach , so hopefully the sun that 's out now will stay that way . Below is the promised haircut pic : I like my new bangs , and wish the SIL ws down here all the time so she could cut my hair ! I 've lived in FL for almost 4 years and still haven 't found a regular hairstylist , but I think that moving to a new state just to cut my hair is not on her list of priorities . Lastly , a Scooter pic : He 's been so busy running around , playing , and wrestling with the boys , that sometimes he just crashes . Too bad the kids have yet to do something similiar . Seriously , I 'm pretty sure if you squeezed out the juice of a little boy , you 'd uncover the ultimate substance for energy drinks ! Marcy asked yesterday : " Didn 't you just have houseguests ? " Yes , yes , we did . But Florida is a popular destination this time of year and our family and friends often want to take advantage of the escape Florida offers them as they tire of winter , so even though we just had my MIL and FIL stay with us for a week , we have more family arriving today . This time , they 're only staying for 4 days , but because there will be 4 , instead of 2 , and 2 of those guests are children , I imagine it will feel like a long visit ( I 'm picturing it as being very loud in our house - - good thing I have a full bottle of Excedrin Migraine in the medicine cabinet : ) . It is nice to have family come and visit - - I just wish they could space it out a little better . Anyhoo , they arrive late this afternoon , so I knew I wouldn 't get a run in this evening ; thus , I got up and did my 3 miles this morning . And I am so not a morning runner ! I got it done and out of the way for the day , but that 's about the best thing I can say about it ; otherwise , I felt slow , tired , and bogged down by the humidity . Blech . Tomorrow I will escape from the house for a bit in the dawn 's early light and meet up with Wendy , who was gracious enough to be my partner for tomorrow 's " 9 on the 9th . " I ' 'll report on it afterward , and I 'll look forward to everyone else 's reports as well - - so have fun with it ! After the " chocolate shotgun " experience this morning , everything else about the today was like buttah . I had classes and then came home and cleaned the house very thoroughly - - we have houseguests arriving tomorrow ( my sister - in - law + her husband + their 2 boys ; it 's gonna = a house full for the next 4 days ! ) - - and then I went for a 6 miler . 1 : 9 : 352 : 9 : 233 : 9 : 374 : 9 : 495 : 10 : 036 : 9 : 57Total Time : 58 : 25So , my times tonight forced me to contemplate : If running the second half of your run faster than the first is a " negative " split , is running the second half slower than the first a " positive " split ? Makes it sound like a good thing , doesn 't it ? I could also label this post " The Revenge of Chipotle " - - either way - - this morning 's ride to work was dicey . For those who have been long time readers , you know how I have some prescribed " poop stops " on my ride to work - - a Starbucks , a gas station , and a Publix - - these are places deemed clean enough and located strategically that should I feel the need to crap on the way to work in the morning , I can pull in and feel okay about myself . Long time readers also know that one of my greatest fears is to crap my pants , and with good reason . So , as you know from the post below , I decided to skip an evening run last night and opted for Chipotle instead . I assume it 's the combo of Mexican spices and black beans that really get the system moving , but I also suspect Chipotle employees of injecting laxatives into my burrito , because I swear that after I eat that food , my pooper is like a slip ' n slide for the next two days . This morning , after I had my first cup of coffee , and before showering , I was able to drop a deuce - - ideal timing - - and I figured I had the " Chipotle " dump for the day . I was wrong . On the way to school , my guts started to feel distinctly uncomfortable . But I 'm the sort who , optimally , would like to try and hold it until I can safely get to work , so I passed up my first two options : Starbucks and the gas station . Now , the last option , the Publix , is a bit farther apart than the other two and it is , unfortunately , after the busiest light on my route . So , of course , after I have passed my first two options , the situation clearly becomes more dire and in order to focus , I have to shut off NPR and blast the AC ( because I get real hot when I 'm holding in an explosive poo ) . At the dreaded light , I hit the red - - duh , because Mother Nature has a wicked sense of humor and thinks the game of will - Jess - crap - herself ? is hilarious . While waiting and praying for the light to turn green , I seriously thought that I was gonna have another terrible situation on my hands , but while thoughts of calling in sick to work ( bePosted by I was feeling rather sluggish this afternoon when I got home from class , and still wasn 't feeling too enthused about an evening run when the time came around . I knew that I felt obligated to run , but I just plain didn 't feel like going - - so I was kinda bitching and moaning ( to myself ) as I started to get out my running clothes . . . but then , I was literally saved by the bell ! Erin called . She had just gotten done at the prego doctor , and she was near Chipotle - - did I want to join her for a burrito ? Does anyone say " no " to a Chipotle burrito ? If they do , I don 't want to know them . Of course , I said yes and stuffed my running clothes back in the drawer . Granted , eating a 1 , 200 calorie burrito instead of getting out there for a run may not be the best choice in terms of running ; however , I believe in two things : 1 . Sometimes , it 's okay to skip a run . I try not to skip too many , so this makes the occasional missed run alright . 2 . It 's always better to make people , not running , a priority in life . I think it is just as healthy for me to enjoy a relaxing dinner and some laughs with my friend as it is to get a run in . So , I missed my run today . Which is coolio - - would 've been " junk miles " to me anyway since I would just be running to run - - and tomorrow I 'll get my scheduled run in and I don 't think the legs will mind the extra day of rest . . . . or , Fat Tuesday . However , neither " fat " nor " super " really apply to my day today . I will certainly listen to the results of " Super Tuesday " but even for me - - someone who loves to observe politics - - this political year has already become exhausting and it 's only February ; and I 'm not religious nor am I in New Orleans , so Mardi Gras doesn 't really apply to me either . Although trust me , I would much rather be spending the evening throwing back whisky shooters and showing people my hooters than being slogged down in class all day - - heck , I 'd probably rather be a ballot counter in California ( wait , no , let me subtract that comment - - I would NOT like to have that job today ) than to be slogged down in class . Because ? Classes are busy right now , yo ! Which is why . . . you 'll have to be satisfied by the worthless jibber - jabber above to suffice as today 's post because I have to get back to work . I have two batches of essays I need to finish reading and a mountain of other tasks for this week . This is exactly the kind of work I need a trained moneky for . Or , an army of trained monkeys for . Or , gnomes , house elves , children - - some kind of trained minion to do my bidding . It 's been a busy day , but I did make time for a 4 miler with my new " silver bullets " and it went well . New shoes are always a bit . . . weird . . . at first . I mean , the old ones are so molded to my feet that slipping into new ones always feels stiff and awkward at first , but after the first mile this evening , they felt good and I could tell the difference in fresh cushioning . 1 : 9 : 392 : 9 : 433 : 9 : 354 : 9 : 29Total Time : 38 : 27Now , I have to skedaddle because we 're meeting with " our people " for our tax preparation this evening . Cross your fingers for a swawesome tax return ! One detail I forgot to include in yesterday 's race report was that I did not run in new shoes . For those devoted readers who remeber that I mentioned on Friday that I was going to get new shoes , I did not lie - - I did go , I just didn 't get the shoes on Friday . Because my feet are smurf - sized , the store was out of my size ( they only carry about one munchkin size per store ) so they had to call one of the other stores , who did have it in stock , and have it sent over on Saturday , after the race . So I ran the race in an old pair of shoes , which is probably best anyway , and then picked up my new pair . And man , they are purty ! Brooks changed the colors on them and now they are silver and periwinkle ( when I oohed and ahhed over them in the store and remarked on their new color , my husband asked " WTF is ' periwinkle ' ? " ) . I haven 't had a chance to take them out for a spin yet because today is a rest day , but tomorrow , you can bet that I 'm excited to lace those " bullets " ( b / c they 're silver , I 'm naturally gonna call them the " bullets " ) on and test ' em out . I tried to post a picture of them on here - - so everyone could admire their beauty - - but Blogger is being a be - atch and I 'm having some issues wih uploading pics . So , I 'm sorry , you 'll have to do without a visual for the " bullets . " Like I said , today I rest . Like God , I too need a day off , plus it 's Super Bowl Sunday ! The one day of the year my husband and I watch sports , so this afternoon we 're headed to a friend 's house for a party : lots of beer , food , and commercials ( sorry , " football " ) . But , tomorrow , I am back to the miles . Eric challenged me to a February mile - off to see who can rack up the most miles in the month , and anyone who wants to join the challenge can feel free to be a part of it - - be forewarned that we 're aready 3 days into the month - - but Wendy ? You can 't participate . Anyone who runs 173 miles in a month is gonna smoke us in this kind of challenge , so I 'm sorry , you 'll just have to sit back and observe the mortals and their mileage . That 's right folks , I have a new 5K PR ! I beat my old PR , 28 : 28 , by 11 seconds this morning on a 5K course that is not easy . See , here in South Florida , most running surfaces are flat . Flat . Flat . Flat . Except for . . . bridges . Those are our hills , and this race has not one , but two bridges on the course , and one of them ( the steeper of the two ) is right at the 3 mile marker . It 's just cruel . Anyway . . . I don 't want to skip to the end and ruin it for you . The weather was cool and cloudy this morning - - exactly how I like a race day to dawn - - and the race registration , start , etc were very smooth , and there were only about 500 runners so the crowd was small . A quarter mile into the race , we came upon the first bridge , and I knew it was there , so I just paced myself one step at a time up and over and it wasn 't too bad . After that , the majority of the course wraps through residential neighorhoods in downtown Ft . Lauderdale and these houses are beautiful to look at , so I enjoyed the scenery and just kept pluggin along . I was pushing myself , certainly , but there 's a difference in feeling - - some days , you 're pushing yourself and that push really feels exhausting ; but other days , you push yourself and it just feels good . Today was the latter feeling , which is really encouraging because I 've worked hard in the past few months to make my short race - pace 9 - 9 : 20 / mile , and to be running that and feeling so good is a huge difference for me . So , as I approached that wicked bridge at the end , I felt pretty strong ; I glanced down at the Garmin and knew that my time was petty solid but because I don 't do hills regularly , I also knew that it could throw my whole race off . As I started up the incline , I just gave it all I had , and I managed to maintain my pace ( but I was really working hard to do so ) ; once I reached the top of the bridge , I just had the decline , which leads straight into the finish , so I let the decline do most of the work as I breezed through the finish and the clocked ticked off 28 : 17 . I think that had the course been flaPosted by I think today after class I 'm gonna stop by my local running store and get a new pair of shoes . I 've been alternating between 2 pairs that have about equal mileage on them and I think both are ready to be retired . I 've been buying the Brooks Adreneline for more than 2 years now , so the trip to the running store should be quick - - I don 't even try them on anymore . Then , I 'm not sure if I 'll run tonight or not : part of me wants to ( just to get that first Feb mileage underway ) but then I also think it might be wise to save the legs for tomorrow 's 5K ( but then again , a 5K is short so my legs don 't really need " saving " for that ) . Tomorrow 's Rotary 5K is kinda special to me in the way that the Turkey Trot is also near and dear . See , the Rotary 5K was the first race I ran here in Florida , and I remember that year it was so cold we could see our breath . The following year , it was raining and the race was in the afternoon , and last year ? I didn 't run it last year - - I was sick . So , I 'm glad to be able to run it tomorrow . Having the HM last weekend and the 5K this weekend has me thinking about the difference in races . Clearly , longer races like a marathon , or HM , are difficult because of the distance . A 5K is a very different matter - - the distance isn 't the issue ; it 's speed that is first and foremost for most runners in a 5K . Thus , the 5K poses a different kind of difficulty for me : with a long race , my primary concern is just finishing . Sure , I have a timeframe in mind , but really , I just want to finish . With the 5K , I know I can go the distance , but I have to go the distance quickly and that means running as best I can for 3 . 1 miles straight . It takes a different kind of physical exertion and mental competence to do this . I am , of course , still hoping to beat my 5K PR of 28 : 28 ( which is now starting to feel like a mythical time ) , and if I can run like I did on Wednesday , then I think I will ; however , I am realistic and I know that every single day is a different running day and all I can do is put forth my best and hope tPosted by
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When a young man in today 's world has something he needs to say to America , a memoir won 't do , and a novel will detract and limit . M . G . Hardie chose the screenplay format for his new book , It Ain 't Just The Size . It is broken up into days , so I tended to read it more like a journal , a diary sharing what had happened during the lives of the characters . Frankly , I was laughing , crying , getting angry , and thoroughly enjoying it ! We all do it - - when we get together with family - - but mostly friends , we share about anything and everything that 's going on that affects " our " world . Lance , the main character , is an ex - con who is now attending classes . He is divorced and has a daughter that he loves very much , but due to problems with his ex - wife , he doesn 't have the opportunity to see her as he would like . For a period of time , he was into a lot more , but has been affected by what has happened to him in the past . He is a very intelligent man who is trying to put his life together and , in doing that , perhaps help others . As we begin to watch Lance 's life , he is breaking off a relationship with two women , the latter are in a gay relationship but they 's been including Lance in their exploits . There are four guys he hangs with . Cazz shares an apartment with Lance , so Billy , Eric and Bori roam in and out of that location on a daily basis . There 's a lot of talking and kidding about sex , but there are also many serious discussions about the relationship of sex to being in love . These conversations take a decided turn , naturally , when Cess comes back into Lance 's life and decides to hang with the guys . Cess is my kind of female lead - - she 's able to stand on her own , intelligent and not afraid to display it with the guys and savvy enough to enter into discussions in open , honest dialogue . Even if she does inhibit some of the discussions - - and the guys point that out for her to know ! I was hearing the other side of a discussion . It was real , honest - - from the characters standpoint - - and perfectly identified the major issues " still " a problem in America and around the world . I thought about the author 's book the other evening as Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder sang at the White House , " Ebony and Ivory . . . living together in perfect harmony . . . " Will we ever reach that point ? I don 't know , but reading M . G . 's book is eye - opening , for members of all races . . . all you have to do is be willing to listen without becoming defensive of your own opinions . . . There is also much said about relationships - - between men and women . I was grateful to have Cess participate . She spoke for the women , but with 5 to 1 , she sometimes had a hard time . Let 's face it , there are always going to be communication problems between men and women ; however , reading the various opinions coming from 5 men does give readers much to consider about what they think ! My favorite minor character is Bori . I won 't tell you why , you 'll see ! However , he is the main character in the discussion on immigration . In that conversation , he suggests one of the many ideas that are given throughout the book on various topics , ideas that could be considered to improve things in America . For instance , instead of sending illegal immigrants back into horrendous conditions , why not have them serve in the military for a minimum period while they completed all that is necessary to become legal . . . Interesting concept ? I thought so . . . Bori was also involved one of the times when I got angry because he was jailed just for trying to see his daughter . It was fascinating to watch the relationship between Lance and Cess develop as they argue and discuss issues . It is also exciting to see the evolution of the discussions from the other 4 men as Lance begins to speak and live as he feels he must ! M . G . has in both the front and back of his book , written tributes to his grandfather - - M . G . , let me say that I think your grandfather would be very proud of you and this Lance you have become ( the latter purely an assumption on my part ! ) Or , in other words , proud of your book . I recently read a novel , by another young man who was writing with an underlying theme to help his friends , and America . Both that man and M . G . have used writing to speak out and share their thoughts and concerns about what they see . I don 't profess to have understood every word in M . G . 's book , especially names and about music and clubs ; but I saw and understood the concern , empathy , and love this new author is trying to share to improve the world . In my opinion , It Ain 't Just the Size . by M . G . Hardie is an excellent dialogue of today 's real and very troublesome issues . If we all can read it , parents , adults , and young adults , with open hearts and minds , I believe you , too , will consider it a must - read ! Indeed , you 'll find , like I did , that issues addressed in the book come to mind to ponder over and over . By the way , M . G . has a blog that follows and expands on a lot of the material in his book . . . Consider following it as well as reading the book ! A link is provided by clicking the title of this review . Claudia 's friend Kelly learns that she 's an aunt when her estranged half - sister Erin shows up in desperate need of help . Erin and her husband have been living as member of The Temple of Brighter Light in an isolated compound . Now Erin 's husband and child have disappeared , leaving behind a cryptic note . Using her skills as a forensic handwriting expert , Claudia gains entry to the compound . She has only days to uncover the truth about Kelly 's missing niece before a child 's life is written off for good . . . Sheila , I 've so enjoyed having you as our spotlighted author for this month ! I know your books would make wonderful movies , or at least a television series . . . so I thought I would cast your latest book ! Now , don 't think of Javonic as House - - think of him as a beautiful blue - eyed cop . . . I think it works ! I 've just finished reading a medical thriller by Michael Palmer , which I really enjoyed … until about the last 20 % . The protagonist is a doctor who has Asperger 's syndrome , so I learned something about what life is like from behind the eyes of a high functioning " Aspie . " The plot was intriguing , the main characters likeable , and there was a great twist . So what bugged me about that last bit of action ? Without giving anything away , let 's just say that one of the characters has been tortured , yet is able to immediately jump up , do heroic deeds without the injuries interfering at all . Another has come close to drowning , has sustained serious cuts and bruises , but seems to disregard all that and just plunges on . Well , of course adrenaline could account for some of that but really … after torture ? This character doesn 't even wince when clothing touches the wounds . As a mystery writer myself , I fully understand that stories aren 't real life and that characters in books have to do things that ordinary people in the same situation just wouldn 't do . But shouldn 't their experiences leave some mark on them ( physical and emotional ) ? One of my sons broke his collarbone in a motorcycle accident . He 's big , tough , and a bodybuilder , but he still feels significant pain from it eighteen months later . In fiction , he 'd be jumping from one building to another , regardless of injury or pain , right after the accident . If your protagonist has just faced down a killer and shot him or her , I 'd like to know how he feels about it . Is he exhilarated or does he feel guilt ? Or is she just plain exhausted by what she 's gone through ? If your protagonist was kidnapped and threatened , brutalized , perhaps , when she escapes from the situation , does she begin to feel as if she must now always look over her shoulder ? Can she ever feel safe again ? Does she have nightmares about what happened to her ? I addressed this issue in Dead Write , where Claudia Rose was still suffering emotionally from traumatic experiences she 'd undergone in the previous book , Written in Blood . Having lost a friend to a brutal killer , and after witnessing violent death , and being forced into other frightening situations , Claudia is depressed . She tries to hide it by withdrawing , but the distance she creates causes uneasy ripples in her relationship with her lover , Joel Jovanic . The trauma also brings up painful old memories of a childhood situation that continues to haunt her . Our protagonists are expected to have a character arc and to have learned something through their experiences . By using what happened in one book as a stepping stone to Claudia 's emotional growth in another , I was able to add to her arc and give her character more humanity . Humans suffer and hopefully , we grow from it . Our characters should , too . Erin Powers is a member of a religious sect , living in an isolated compound called the Ark . Now her husband and young child have disappeared , leaving behind a cryptic note with a terrifying message . In desperation , Erin seeks help from her estranged sister , Kelly Brennan , who in turn enlists the aid of forensic handwriting expert Claudia Rose . Seizing on an unexpected opportunity to use her professional skills , Claudia becomes one of the few outsiders ever to be invited inside the cult compound . With time fast running out , Claudia must uncover the truth about Kelly 's missing niece before the prophecy of a secret ancient parchment can be fulfilled and a child 's life is written off for good … " I rubbed my eyes , wondering if what I was seeing was real . . . The wolf was huge , and handsome , with snowy hair . I would have been taken with his beauty , if not for the fact he didn 't belong in a hospital room . . . he 'd never been in any of the nightmares I 'd had here since . . . The wolf , the warg , watched our . . . grief . He cocked his head when he heard me crying . . . I 'd been torn up with grief , but now it was gone , replaced with anger . . . Fury was born September 15 , 1984 . . . If I were a parent , or a concerned adult , there are some books about which I would want to be told . Paul Nemeth has written such a book - - Cataclysm Children . Some will call it a great action , suspense book . It is that . Some might call it a horror of some time in the past or the future . It is that too . In 2003 Danny Andrews was making his way to class when he was picked up and thrown against the wall by two jocks . He was being punished once again based upon stupid rules established by those who wore the blue shirts , most of those were athletes or those that associated with them . The teacher who saw the incident turned and quickly went back to class . Danny and his friends had no choice but to ignore it ; the administrators would do nothing against the blue shirts - - it would be Danny or his few friends who would be punished , just because they were not athletes . Danny had once gone to church , but almost gagged when he had seen Haversmith was a member . Danny figured that anybody who was as mean spirited as Randy Haversmith was , but was involved in church , then he didn 't want to participate there . Danny was a musician and had formed a band with his friends , DJ and Tim . They had discovered an old abandoned mansion and used it to practice . Actually , Charon had taken them to the place . Charon was an older guy , but he knew what it was all about . He brought beer for the boys and supported their efforts and listened to them . . . Like many families , Danny 's father worked all the time . He had remarried and his new wife was totally involved with their baby . Danny lived in the basement since he really had no relationship to his step - mother and his father was never at home . Most nights , he would sneak in and out through the window to be with his friends until early morning . Charon spoke to the boys as a friend , and bad - mouthed everybody else , except one . He introduced them to Satan and explained how he spoke for them . . . Charon , however , was only passing on what he himself had been taught years ago , before The Brotherhood had broken up when one of the leaders went to jail . . . In fact , Charon spoke to many small groups such as with Danny and he taught them much - - he invited them to become a part of a brotherhood . . . The Brotherhood of the Wolf . . . None of the boys or girls in the small groups knew any of the others . But they knew that one day hundreds of teenagers would be brought together to work as a group . In the meantime , they were given tests to become members . Such as placing bombs under random cars and blowing them up . Or , burning down any church of any religious group . Fortunately , one day when a teacher , who was also the football coach , was roughing Danny up in the hall , they were seen by a new guidance counselor . Mary Anne Allen had come to the school as a teacher , but the principal had talked her into taking the administrative job . Now , when she started questioning what was happening , he couldn 't very well remove her ! Also fortunately for Danny , his uncle , who he didn 't even know existed , had come to visit . As Danny talked to both Mary Anne and Ian Andrews , he began to question what he had become involved in . Especially when he learned who his uncle was . . . Paul Nemeth has written an exciting book that provides a climax so amazing that you will have teenagers talking about it . . . Indeed we adults will love the drama as well , and hopefully will be sharing the book with our children and discussing it with them . . . There 's nothing wrong with a fantastic book also having an underlying theme ! Parents , I believe this is a must - read for you and your older teenagers ; tell me I 'm wrong - - read Cataclysm Children by Paul Nemeth . . . and let 's talk ! Sheila Lowe is a forensic handwriting expert with more than forty years of experience in the field . She holds a Bachelor of Science degree in psychology and is the author of several published books including Handwriting of the Famous & Infamous , and The Complete Idiot 's Guide to Handwriting Analysis , as well as Sheila Lowe 's Handwriting Analyzer software . Her first mystery novel , Poison Pen , received a starred review in Publishers Weekly and introduces forensic handwriting expert , Claudia Rose , who uses her handwriting analysis skills to help solve crimes . http : / / www . sheilalowe . com / for information about handwriting analysis . http : / / www . claudiaroseseries / . com to read a sample chapter and view a book trailer . http : / / www . superceu . com / continuing education for marriage and family therapists and licensed clinical social workers . Sheila @ sheilalowe . com He was handsome , charismatic , captivating . He was convicted of the rape and murder of ten women in Florida . He 'd probably raped at least fifty . As with other violent crimes , serial murder is on the increase . Between 1900 - 1950 , an average of 1 . 2 cases a year were recorded . In 1960 there were 12 cases . By the 1980s this offense had jumped to an average of two cases a month . Since 1977 more than two hundred serial killers have been convicted , with well over a thousand victims between them . More than 80 % of all serial murders have occurred in less than 30 years . Like others of his ilk , serial murderer Robert Joseph Long managed to elude capture over a lengthy period - how ? Because he was able to look and act pretty much like the average guy . He knew how to fit into society and appear like the rest of us . But his handwriting held clues that pointed to pathological behavior . Most people agree that the way a person walks says a lot about him . Someone who swaggers into a room , for example , has a very different personality from one who diffidently creeps along , hugging the wall . Researchers tell us that facial expressions are interpreted the same way the world over , and one 's tone of voice indicates his mood . Similarly , handwriting is a projective behavior akin to body language , tone of voice , and facial expression , and it reveals important information about motivation and personality , the good , the bad , and the ugly . Having said that , let me be very clear that there is no such thing as a " criminal handwriting . " In an attempt to identify patterns of similarity in the handwritings of serial killers , I examined the handwritings of a number of notorious murderers . What I discovered was , there was no direct " this - means - that " correlation of a personality trait to a handwriting characteristic ; it was far more subtle than that . Robert Joseph Long , mentioned in the introduction to this article , has been described as " shockingly brutal . " He beat , raped , and strangled his victims . Long 's handwriting is rigid to an extreme , seen in the tight , angular forms , which indicates a lack of emotional release . Positive emotional release would be seen in a balance of rounded and angular forms . Note the extremely long t - crosses . This straight horizontal movement , combined with the rigidity , reveals his need to dominate and control others . Wesley Allan Dodd , executed at his own request by hanging in 1993 , kept a diary during the time he was killing little boys . His handwriting during the time leading up to a killing is far more " released " ( though not in a positive way ) and expansive than the second sample , written after he was convicted . You don 't have to be a handwriting expert to see the difference in the two samples . The second one is reminiscent of Bob Long 's , highly controlled and rigid , while the first is out of control . Serial murder is not confined to male perpetrators . Aileen Wuornos , the subject of the movie , Monster , was executed in 2002 for the deaths of seven men . Christine Slaughter Falling ( talk about an appropriate name ! ) , whose handwriting appears below , is a very different personality type , but just as deadly . She was accused of killing at least six infants and toddlers she babysat , and was convicted of three counts of murder in 1982 , receiving a life sentence that made her eligible for parole in 25 years . In an interview for CNN in 1992 , Falling was asked what she would do if released . Her answer : she would like to babysit again , because , " I love kids to death . " She was denied parole in 2006 . Her handwriting sample , written after 10 years of incarceration , is the polar opposite of Dodd 's and Long 's . The extreme roundedness of the writing and the large size , suggest an egocentric person who was constantly seeking love and approval ( though clearly , not in healthy ways ) . The letters " M " on " Me " and " R " on " really " are made in such a way that they look like an X . Such forms are often made by people with a death consciousness , sometimes by one who has experienced a death close to them , or perhaps have received a serious diagnosis of physical illness . In Falling 's case , perhaps her responsibility for the deaths of several young children was on her mind - though not her conscience . This handwriting specimen wasn 't made by someone with a conscience . Another fairly rare characteristic in Falling 's handwriting is seen in some of the upper loops , such as the " l " on " letter , " which are made in the shape of a candle flame . The flame - shaped upper loop is often seen in one who has sustained a blow to the head . It 's known that when Christine was 8 years old , her mother ( who was a 16 year - old - prostitute when Christine was born ) , hit her in the head with a two - by - four , after which she began having seizures . These flame - shaped loops are often created by those who tend to see the world quite differently than most of us do . Most , if not all , serial killers came from childhoods where they were abused and / or neglected . Yet , comparatively few abused children grow up to be killers or engage in other types of crime . Many factors , both nature and nurture come into play . Genetics , environment , and the individual 's personal responses to a variety of experiences blend together to determine the outcome . Handwriting , like personality , is made up of thousands of variables . In order to make any kind of objective assessment , it is important to study the whole picture , not just bits and pieces . The characteristics described above were viewed within the context of larger samples of writing , and are intended only as an teaser to what kinds of information are revealed . Handwriting cannot tell everything about the writer , but it can open a window into the mind , both of the criminal and the " normal " person . Some psychologists find it helps them to get a rapid grasp on what makes a person tick - whether the writer is motivated by the need for power , the need for security , the need to be loved , etc . Especially when used in conjunction with other personality assessment instruments , handwriting analysis can be an important tool for understanding the human psyche . Q : I noticed that all the samples you gave were in script ( cursive ? ) . Have you seen any samples by people such as those you mentioned , who primarily write in print ? I 'm wondering what it might mean if someone prefers print over cursive handwriting . R : There is a definite tendency toward printing these days , but that 's not a problem for the handwriting professional . Printing is done for a variety of reasons , but bottom line , it has the effect of attempting to cover up emotions ( provide control ) and it breaks the bonds between oneself and others . Think of the connection between letters as reaching out to touch someone else . Schools are not teaching cursive much anymore , which has an effect on behavior ( see http : / / www . retrainthebrain . com ) and reading skills because the specific hand movements a child learns when beginning to write have an effect on the areas of the brain that develop self - control . Q : Thank you , definitely a fascinating way to help with evaluation . As long as the individual takes to heart your message that this is not " direct " this - means - that " correlation . " In how young a person would handwriting be a useful tool ? I ask because I found that with my college students their handwriting could be useful for pointers when something didn 't seem quite right . R . Even young children can be analyzed using specific types of drawings e . g . , " Draw a house , a tree , a person . " The interpretation of these correlate very well with handwriting analysis . College students certainly are good candidates for analysis , even though they are still developing their personalities . There are some schools of handwriting analysis who do believe in a direct one - to - one correlation of handwriting characteristic = personality trait . However , I use the gestalt method of analysis , which looks at the whole picture of writing : the spatial arrangement on the page , the form ( the way it looks ) , and the writing " movement , " which encompasses things like rhythm , speed , pressure , and many other aspects of writing . I 'm glad you 're able to spot flags in your students handwriting . That can help head off problems before they explode . Q : Does a person 's handwriting get worse as they get older ? My writing was always very neat , but not anymore . Of course it could be that I 'm just always in a hurry ! R : It 's a really individual thing . As we age , various health conditions may begin to affect handwriting . Parkinson 's , for example , creates what 's call micrographia , which is basically tiny , shaky writing . Someone who remains in excellent health into old age wouldn 't have deteriorated handwriting . There 's also the fact that we may become more relaxed and just not care as much , which will have an effect . Or it could just be that you 're in a hurry … Who said sometimes a cigar is just a cigar : ) Basically , handwriting changes to reflect our inner responses to various life experiences . That 's why it can be important for a handwriting analyst to have health information ( mental and physical ) about the writer in order to prepare the most accurate analysis . Q : I am a Design student , currently studying in Bath Spa university . I met a graphologist completely by chance a while ago and it struck me how much he could tell about my personality , and what may have shaped it . Just by looking at my sketchbook . This inspired me and I have been reading up since and descovered the darker side of handwriting anlysis and criminals . I have now been offered the opportunity on my graphic design degree to incorporate this into a project . I was wondering if anyone would possibly be able and willing to help me with my idea . A very important thing to understand about handwriting is that no single trait stands on its own . It has to be viewed with everything else that 's going on in the sample . In my book , HandwriThe Complete Idiot 's Guide to Handwriting Analysis , there 's an entire chapter devoted to some of the " red flags " for potentially dangerous behavior . One especially difficult combination is very heavy writing pressure and a strong writing slant , as they often point to an explosive personlity ( but that 's a generalization ) . The most interesting thing - that 's hard to answer . I 've been in this field for more than 40 years and have analyzed at least 15 , 000 handwritings . I suppose the forensic cases , especially when children are involved , are the most affecting and interesting . Sheila Lowe Looking for something new ? Like Trilogies ? Then plan on getting White Heat by Brenda Novak OUT TODAY ! And . . . the next two books in this new trilogy will be out : I loved the slow , intense buildup of the relationship between lead characters , Nate Ferrentino and Rachel Jessop in Brenda Novak , novel , White Heat . . . that 's out TODAY ! As shown above , it is also the first in a new trilogy , with the next two books coming out in the next two months ! Cool scheduling , Brenda ! Nate had been assigned the task of going undercover among members of a cult , which was considered dangerous . It wasn 't too much different than many such groups - - you know , lots of orders to be obeyed blindly and lots of sex , especially for the leader , Ethan Wycliff . Wycliff had formed the Church of the Covenant , one who taught that the world was coming to an end and if you wanted to be movin ' on with the approximately 200 at the appropriate time , you had to be branded . . . on the forehead . . . The group had been formed during college days and meant to be a joke so that all the no - nos of religion could be permitted , including drugs for instance . But then word spread , and the power that comes along for a leader was , perhaps , the most addictive for Wycliff . So after college , he set out to find a place for his group to continue and had bought an old ghost town - - Paradise , Arizona . The problem was that there was at least one of the original group dead , supposedly in an accident . And , now it had been reported that a woman was almost killed when she was stoned ! Another young girl had disappeared and her parents were sure she had been involved with the cult . . . Nate was ready to move in , but the group only accepted married couples , thus Rachel was assigned as Nate 's partner , over both of their objections ! It was fun to watch these two as they began to " play house " as a couple . Nate found an old trailer for them to live in , along with the lack of electricity , running water , and a wonderful " outhouse . " In fact , moving into Paradise would seem like a dream . . . Of course , Wycliff was quite taken with Rachel and interested in her more so than Nate . . . so , an argument was staged and Rachel went into the town on her own ! Readers will enjoy how Nate reacts , even getting several people from the outside town community involved ! Action , romantic suspense at its hottest ! White Heat sizzles with white heat between Nate and Rachel while the black heat in the hearts of Wycliff and his leaders will keep readers up all night if necessary to find out how the story ends ! I highly recommend you get the first in this trilogy by Brenda Novak and pre - order the next two . . . And , Psssst , you just may wind up with white heat on your lips as you follow my blog for August and watch for contests ! It was a beautiful setting , a beautiful island - - but it was more than that , it was in the perfect location . It could be controlled and could be accessed by those coming in from Columbia . Movement on to the United States was then easily handled . Rico Salazar was excited that he had found the perfect place for his drug operation ! Of course , to keep it safe and secure , he had regular patrols in the area to prevent random access by pleasure crafts and local fisherman . The locals had learned the hard way to keep away from the area . Those that ventured in were soon eliminated ; their boats taken or sold . A fisherman , his wife and daughter was one of those who decided to fish in this area . Madeleine Nesbitt , the 16 - year - old daughter who had dreams in which premonitions came to her , begged her parents not to go , but they wouldn 't listen . When the trouble began , her father told Madeleine to quickly and quietly go over the side . While she was saved at that time , she was later discovered and taken to the Island where she was immediately raped by Salazar . Fortunately she was very intelligent and had used a different name so that no connection was made to her parents . Madeleine quickly realized what she must do to stay alive . She would play a part . So successful was she that she was quickly put to work and gained additional and broader assignments that revealed Salazar 's growing trust . At the same time , she was arranging " problems " when she could as part of her own revenge . Then one day , she was the only one who was available to make a delivery to the US . She made it , sold the drugs - - and disappeared . Rico soon had everybody looking for her . She was the only woman that had become important to him and to whom he had shared much . Now she had betrayed him ; she would pay with her life . . . Returning to her own name , she bought a condo and tried to begin a new life . It is at this point that the concurrent storylines merged completely . For Madeleine starts to work for AJ Hartman , a corporate medical leader who made and sold pacemakers . And there she meets Peter Duncan , a recently hired administrator who has been caught in the web of deceit and murder that now forces him to search for some way to prove what he has discovered ! All of the story is twisted together in ways that those involved in criminal enterprises routinely do . Salazar has funded AJ Hartman 's company and now uses it for money laundering ; Salazar " takes care of " difficult problem people for Hartman , etc . , But the thing is , there are always good people who are working to stop men like Salazar and AJ Hartman - - and that 's where readers become involved in the continuous action and suspense of what these men are willing to do for the money ; and those who work to stop them ! You will travel from the United States to the Bahamas and on to Columbia as the DEA , government officials and the police work to stop the Salazar Multi - Billion Dollar Drug Empire ! Lovers of adventure will enjoy following the drugs , the money . . . and the fast - action hunt that highlights today 's criminal world ! Who will win in the deadly fight this time ? Read Shadow Cay by Leona Bodie ! 6 / 17 Just saw your review on Amazon and then visited your site . Holy Smoke ! As usual , I was amazed atwhat a fabulous job you did , reviewing the book and adding in all that related material . I was particularly thrilled that you includedthe book trailer I put on youtube . Youadding it to your review made me veryhappy . In fact , I had a big smile on myface the whole time I looked at what you 'd done . I even listened to the violin concerto and watched the video of Dog Hill . Every year it gets harder and harder tobring a new book to the attention of potential readers . I consider myself extremelyfortunate to have you as an ally in that endeavor . Thank you so much for all youdo for me and for other writers . There 's no - one else like you . And that 's no exaggeration . With profound gratitude , I remain , Your Friend , DonThank you . Your commitment to your craft is wonderful . Whether it 's one star or 5 , your reviews are detailed , considerate , and most of all , beneficial to the prospective reader . What an amazing presentation . Stellar . I never expected anything like that . Do you have a separate link that I can share ? I 'd love to post this everywhere I can . You did such a fabulous job . cheers ConnieThank you so much for your glowing review of my new book . Your review really highlighted all the things that I try to incorporate in my books - they 're the very things I want as a reader . I 'm nearly finished writing the next book in the series - Walker and Munoz are back , and interestingly as you referenced in your review , this time it 's personal . Again , thank you . I 'd read your amazing review before I looked at my Facebook page and was blessed . Hitting the link you posted , I was surprised for few would have gone to so much trouble , fewer still know that Lauren Bacall ( born Betty Joan Perske ) was Sephardic and bequeathed a large amount of primary source information about the Sephardim to a university , which I was able to view online when corroborating Naomi 's story . Your review stands as one of the highlights of this profoundly dyslectic authors Blog Archive
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When a young man in today 's world has something he needs to say to America , a memoir won 't do , and a novel will detract and limit . M . G . Hardie chose the screenplay format for his new book , It Ain 't Just The Size . It is broken up into days , so I tended to read it more like a journal , a diary sharing what had happened during the lives of the characters . Frankly , I was laughing , crying , getting angry , and thoroughly enjoying it ! We all do it - - when we get together with family - - but mostly friends , we share about anything and everything that 's going on that affects " our " world . Lance , the main character , is an ex - con who is now attending classes . He is divorced and has a daughter that he loves very much , but due to problems with his ex - wife , he doesn 't have the opportunity to see her as he would like . For a period of time , he was into a lot more , but has been affected by what has happened to him in the past . He is a very intelligent man who is trying to put his life together and , in doing that , perhaps help others . As we begin to watch Lance 's life , he is breaking off a relationship with two women , the latter are in a gay relationship but they 's been including Lance in their exploits . There are four guys he hangs with . Cazz shares an apartment with Lance , so Billy , Eric and Bori roam in and out of that location on a daily basis . There 's a lot of talking and kidding about sex , but there are also many serious discussions about the relationship of sex to being in love . These conversations take a decided turn , naturally , when Cess comes back into Lance 's life and decides to hang with the guys . Cess is my kind of female lead - - she 's able to stand on her own , intelligent and not afraid to display it with the guys and savvy enough to enter into discussions in open , honest dialogue . Even if she does inhibit some of the discussions - - and the guys point that out for her to know ! I was hearing the other side of a discussion . It was real , honest - - from the characters standpoint - - and perfectly identified the major issues " still " a problem in America and around the world . I thought about the author 's book the other evening as Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder sang at the White House , " Ebony and Ivory . . . living together in perfect harmony . . . " Will we ever reach that point ? I don 't know , but reading M . G . 's book is eye - opening , for members of all races . . . all you have to do is be willing to listen without becoming defensive of your own opinions . . . There is also much said about relationships - - between men and women . I was grateful to have Cess participate . She spoke for the women , but with 5 to 1 , she sometimes had a hard time . Let 's face it , there are always going to be communication problems between men and women ; however , reading the various opinions coming from 5 men does give readers much to consider about what they think ! My favorite minor character is Bori . I won 't tell you why , you 'll see ! However , he is the main character in the discussion on immigration . In that conversation , he suggests one of the many ideas that are given throughout the book on various topics , ideas that could be considered to improve things in America . For instance , instead of sending illegal immigrants back into horrendous conditions , why not have them serve in the military for a minimum period while they completed all that is necessary to become legal . . . Interesting concept ? I thought so . . . Bori was also involved one of the times when I got angry because he was jailed just for trying to see his daughter . It was fascinating to watch the relationship between Lance and Cess develop as they argue and discuss issues . It is also exciting to see the evolution of the discussions from the other 4 men as Lance begins to speak and live as he feels he must ! M . G . has in both the front and back of his book , written tributes to his grandfather - - M . G . , let me say that I think your grandfather would be very proud of you and this Lance you have become ( the latter purely an assumption on my part ! ) Or , in other words , proud of your book . I recently read a novel , by another young man who was writing with an underlying theme to help his friends , and America . Both that man and M . G . have used writing to speak out and share their thoughts and concerns about what they see . I don 't profess to have understood every word in M . G . 's book , especially names and about music and clubs ; but I saw and understood the concern , empathy , and love this new author is trying to share to improve the world . In my opinion , It Ain 't Just the Size . by M . G . Hardie is an excellent dialogue of today 's real and very troublesome issues . If we all can read it , parents , adults , and young adults , with open hearts and minds , I believe you , too , will consider it a must - read ! Indeed , you 'll find , like I did , that issues addressed in the book come to mind to ponder over and over . By the way , M . G . has a blog that follows and expands on a lot of the material in his book . . . Consider following it as well as reading the book ! A link is provided by clicking the title of this review . Claudia 's friend Kelly learns that she 's an aunt when her estranged half - sister Erin shows up in desperate need of help . Erin and her husband have been living as member of The Temple of Brighter Light in an isolated compound . Now Erin 's husband and child have disappeared , leaving behind a cryptic note . Using her skills as a forensic handwriting expert , Claudia gains entry to the compound . She has only days to uncover the truth about Kelly 's missing niece before a child 's life is written off for good . . . Sheila , I 've so enjoyed having you as our spotlighted author for this month ! I know your books would make wonderful movies , or at least a television series . . . so I thought I would cast your latest book ! Now , don 't think of Javonic as House - - think of him as a beautiful blue - eyed cop . . . I think it works ! I 've just finished reading a medical thriller by Michael Palmer , which I really enjoyed … until about the last 20 % . The protagonist is a doctor who has Asperger 's syndrome , so I learned something about what life is like from behind the eyes of a high functioning " Aspie . " The plot was intriguing , the main characters likeable , and there was a great twist . So what bugged me about that last bit of action ? Without giving anything away , let 's just say that one of the characters has been tortured , yet is able to immediately jump up , do heroic deeds without the injuries interfering at all . Another has come close to drowning , has sustained serious cuts and bruises , but seems to disregard all that and just plunges on . Well , of course adrenaline could account for some of that but really … after torture ? This character doesn 't even wince when clothing touches the wounds . As a mystery writer myself , I fully understand that stories aren 't real life and that characters in books have to do things that ordinary people in the same situation just wouldn 't do . But shouldn 't their experiences leave some mark on them ( physical and emotional ) ? One of my sons broke his collarbone in a motorcycle accident . He 's big , tough , and a bodybuilder , but he still feels significant pain from it eighteen months later . In fiction , he 'd be jumping from one building to another , regardless of injury or pain , right after the accident . If your protagonist has just faced down a killer and shot him or her , I 'd like to know how he feels about it . Is he exhilarated or does he feel guilt ? Or is she just plain exhausted by what she 's gone through ? If your protagonist was kidnapped and threatened , brutalized , perhaps , when she escapes from the situation , does she begin to feel as if she must now always look over her shoulder ? Can she ever feel safe again ? Does she have nightmares about what happened to her ? I addressed this issue in Dead Write , where Claudia Rose was still suffering emotionally from traumatic experiences she 'd undergone in the previous book , Written in Blood . Having lost a friend to a brutal killer , and after witnessing violent death , and being forced into other frightening situations , Claudia is depressed . She tries to hide it by withdrawing , but the distance she creates causes uneasy ripples in her relationship with her lover , Joel Jovanic . The trauma also brings up painful old memories of a childhood situation that continues to haunt her . Our protagonists are expected to have a character arc and to have learned something through their experiences . By using what happened in one book as a stepping stone to Claudia 's emotional growth in another , I was able to add to her arc and give her character more humanity . Humans suffer and hopefully , we grow from it . Our characters should , too . Erin Powers is a member of a religious sect , living in an isolated compound called the Ark . Now her husband and young child have disappeared , leaving behind a cryptic note with a terrifying message . In desperation , Erin seeks help from her estranged sister , Kelly Brennan , who in turn enlists the aid of forensic handwriting expert Claudia Rose . Seizing on an unexpected opportunity to use her professional skills , Claudia becomes one of the few outsiders ever to be invited inside the cult compound . With time fast running out , Claudia must uncover the truth about Kelly 's missing niece before the prophecy of a secret ancient parchment can be fulfilled and a child 's life is written off for good … " I rubbed my eyes , wondering if what I was seeing was real . . . The wolf was huge , and handsome , with snowy hair . I would have been taken with his beauty , if not for the fact he didn 't belong in a hospital room . . . he 'd never been in any of the nightmares I 'd had here since . . . The wolf , the warg , watched our . . . grief . He cocked his head when he heard me crying . . . I 'd been torn up with grief , but now it was gone , replaced with anger . . . Fury was born September 15 , 1984 . . . If I were a parent , or a concerned adult , there are some books about which I would want to be told . Paul Nemeth has written such a book - - Cataclysm Children . Some will call it a great action , suspense book . It is that . Some might call it a horror of some time in the past or the future . It is that too . In 2003 Danny Andrews was making his way to class when he was picked up and thrown against the wall by two jocks . He was being punished once again based upon stupid rules established by those who wore the blue shirts , most of those were athletes or those that associated with them . The teacher who saw the incident turned and quickly went back to class . Danny and his friends had no choice but to ignore it ; the administrators would do nothing against the blue shirts - - it would be Danny or his few friends who would be punished , just because they were not athletes . Danny had once gone to church , but almost gagged when he had seen Haversmith was a member . Danny figured that anybody who was as mean spirited as Randy Haversmith was , but was involved in church , then he didn 't want to participate there . Danny was a musician and had formed a band with his friends , DJ and Tim . They had discovered an old abandoned mansion and used it to practice . Actually , Charon had taken them to the place . Charon was an older guy , but he knew what it was all about . He brought beer for the boys and supported their efforts and listened to them . . . Like many families , Danny 's father worked all the time . He had remarried and his new wife was totally involved with their baby . Danny lived in the basement since he really had no relationship to his step - mother and his father was never at home . Most nights , he would sneak in and out through the window to be with his friends until early morning . Charon spoke to the boys as a friend , and bad - mouthed everybody else , except one . He introduced them to Satan and explained how he spoke for them . . . Charon , however , was only passing on what he himself had been taught years ago , before The Brotherhood had broken up when one of the leaders went to jail . . . In fact , Charon spoke to many small groups such as with Danny and he taught them much - - he invited them to become a part of a brotherhood . . . The Brotherhood of the Wolf . . . None of the boys or girls in the small groups knew any of the others . But they knew that one day hundreds of teenagers would be brought together to work as a group . In the meantime , they were given tests to become members . Such as placing bombs under random cars and blowing them up . Or , burning down any church of any religious group . Fortunately , one day when a teacher , who was also the football coach , was roughing Danny up in the hall , they were seen by a new guidance counselor . Mary Anne Allen had come to the school as a teacher , but the principal had talked her into taking the administrative job . Now , when she started questioning what was happening , he couldn 't very well remove her ! Also fortunately for Danny , his uncle , who he didn 't even know existed , had come to visit . As Danny talked to both Mary Anne and Ian Andrews , he began to question what he had become involved in . Especially when he learned who his uncle was . . . Paul Nemeth has written an exciting book that provides a climax so amazing that you will have teenagers talking about it . . . Indeed we adults will love the drama as well , and hopefully will be sharing the book with our children and discussing it with them . . . There 's nothing wrong with a fantastic book also having an underlying theme ! Parents , I believe this is a must - read for you and your older teenagers ; tell me I 'm wrong - - read Cataclysm Children by Paul Nemeth . . . and let 's talk ! Sheila Lowe is a forensic handwriting expert with more than forty years of experience in the field . She holds a Bachelor of Science degree in psychology and is the author of several published books including Handwriting of the Famous & Infamous , and The Complete Idiot 's Guide to Handwriting Analysis , as well as Sheila Lowe 's Handwriting Analyzer software . Her first mystery novel , Poison Pen , received a starred review in Publishers Weekly and introduces forensic handwriting expert , Claudia Rose , who uses her handwriting analysis skills to help solve crimes . http : / / www . sheilalowe . com / for information about handwriting analysis . http : / / www . claudiaroseseries / . com to read a sample chapter and view a book trailer . http : / / www . superceu . com / continuing education for marriage and family therapists and licensed clinical social workers . Sheila @ sheilalowe . com He was handsome , charismatic , captivating . He was convicted of the rape and murder of ten women in Florida . He 'd probably raped at least fifty . As with other violent crimes , serial murder is on the increase . Between 1900 - 1950 , an average of 1 . 2 cases a year were recorded . In 1960 there were 12 cases . By the 1980s this offense had jumped to an average of two cases a month . Since 1977 more than two hundred serial killers have been convicted , with well over a thousand victims between them . More than 80 % of all serial murders have occurred in less than 30 years . Like others of his ilk , serial murderer Robert Joseph Long managed to elude capture over a lengthy period - how ? Because he was able to look and act pretty much like the average guy . He knew how to fit into society and appear like the rest of us . But his handwriting held clues that pointed to pathological behavior . Most people agree that the way a person walks says a lot about him . Someone who swaggers into a room , for example , has a very different personality from one who diffidently creeps along , hugging the wall . Researchers tell us that facial expressions are interpreted the same way the world over , and one 's tone of voice indicates his mood . Similarly , handwriting is a projective behavior akin to body language , tone of voice , and facial expression , and it reveals important information about motivation and personality , the good , the bad , and the ugly . Having said that , let me be very clear that there is no such thing as a " criminal handwriting . " In an attempt to identify patterns of similarity in the handwritings of serial killers , I examined the handwritings of a number of notorious murderers . What I discovered was , there was no direct " this - means - that " correlation of a personality trait to a handwriting characteristic ; it was far more subtle than that . Robert Joseph Long , mentioned in the introduction to this article , has been described as " shockingly brutal . " He beat , raped , and strangled his victims . Long 's handwriting is rigid to an extreme , seen in the tight , angular forms , which indicates a lack of emotional release . Positive emotional release would be seen in a balance of rounded and angular forms . Note the extremely long t - crosses . This straight horizontal movement , combined with the rigidity , reveals his need to dominate and control others . Wesley Allan Dodd , executed at his own request by hanging in 1993 , kept a diary during the time he was killing little boys . His handwriting during the time leading up to a killing is far more " released " ( though not in a positive way ) and expansive than the second sample , written after he was convicted . You don 't have to be a handwriting expert to see the difference in the two samples . The second one is reminiscent of Bob Long 's , highly controlled and rigid , while the first is out of control . Serial murder is not confined to male perpetrators . Aileen Wuornos , the subject of the movie , Monster , was executed in 2002 for the deaths of seven men . Christine Slaughter Falling ( talk about an appropriate name ! ) , whose handwriting appears below , is a very different personality type , but just as deadly . She was accused of killing at least six infants and toddlers she babysat , and was convicted of three counts of murder in 1982 , receiving a life sentence that made her eligible for parole in 25 years . In an interview for CNN in 1992 , Falling was asked what she would do if released . Her answer : she would like to babysit again , because , " I love kids to death . " She was denied parole in 2006 . Her handwriting sample , written after 10 years of incarceration , is the polar opposite of Dodd 's and Long 's . The extreme roundedness of the writing and the large size , suggest an egocentric person who was constantly seeking love and approval ( though clearly , not in healthy ways ) . The letters " M " on " Me " and " R " on " really " are made in such a way that they look like an X . Such forms are often made by people with a death consciousness , sometimes by one who has experienced a death close to them , or perhaps have received a serious diagnosis of physical illness . In Falling 's case , perhaps her responsibility for the deaths of several young children was on her mind - though not her conscience . This handwriting specimen wasn 't made by someone with a conscience . Another fairly rare characteristic in Falling 's handwriting is seen in some of the upper loops , such as the " l " on " letter , " which are made in the shape of a candle flame . The flame - shaped upper loop is often seen in one who has sustained a blow to the head . It 's known that when Christine was 8 years old , her mother ( who was a 16 year - old - prostitute when Christine was born ) , hit her in the head with a two - by - four , after which she began having seizures . These flame - shaped loops are often created by those who tend to see the world quite differently than most of us do . Most , if not all , serial killers came from childhoods where they were abused and / or neglected . Yet , comparatively few abused children grow up to be killers or engage in other types of crime . Many factors , both nature and nurture come into play . Genetics , environment , and the individual 's personal responses to a variety of experiences blend together to determine the outcome . Handwriting , like personality , is made up of thousands of variables . In order to make any kind of objective assessment , it is important to study the whole picture , not just bits and pieces . The characteristics described above were viewed within the context of larger samples of writing , and are intended only as an teaser to what kinds of information are revealed . Handwriting cannot tell everything about the writer , but it can open a window into the mind , both of the criminal and the " normal " person . Some psychologists find it helps them to get a rapid grasp on what makes a person tick - whether the writer is motivated by the need for power , the need for security , the need to be loved , etc . Especially when used in conjunction with other personality assessment instruments , handwriting analysis can be an important tool for understanding the human psyche . Q : I noticed that all the samples you gave were in script ( cursive ? ) . Have you seen any samples by people such as those you mentioned , who primarily write in print ? I 'm wondering what it might mean if someone prefers print over cursive handwriting . R : There is a definite tendency toward printing these days , but that 's not a problem for the handwriting professional . Printing is done for a variety of reasons , but bottom line , it has the effect of attempting to cover up emotions ( provide control ) and it breaks the bonds between oneself and others . Think of the connection between letters as reaching out to touch someone else . Schools are not teaching cursive much anymore , which has an effect on behavior ( see http : / / www . retrainthebrain . com ) and reading skills because the specific hand movements a child learns when beginning to write have an effect on the areas of the brain that develop self - control . Q : Thank you , definitely a fascinating way to help with evaluation . As long as the individual takes to heart your message that this is not " direct " this - means - that " correlation . " In how young a person would handwriting be a useful tool ? I ask because I found that with my college students their handwriting could be useful for pointers when something didn 't seem quite right . R . Even young children can be analyzed using specific types of drawings e . g . , " Draw a house , a tree , a person . " The interpretation of these correlate very well with handwriting analysis . College students certainly are good candidates for analysis , even though they are still developing their personalities . There are some schools of handwriting analysis who do believe in a direct one - to - one correlation of handwriting characteristic = personality trait . However , I use the gestalt method of analysis , which looks at the whole picture of writing : the spatial arrangement on the page , the form ( the way it looks ) , and the writing " movement , " which encompasses things like rhythm , speed , pressure , and many other aspects of writing . I 'm glad you 're able to spot flags in your students handwriting . That can help head off problems before they explode . Q : Does a person 's handwriting get worse as they get older ? My writing was always very neat , but not anymore . Of course it could be that I 'm just always in a hurry ! R : It 's a really individual thing . As we age , various health conditions may begin to affect handwriting . Parkinson 's , for example , creates what 's call micrographia , which is basically tiny , shaky writing . Someone who remains in excellent health into old age wouldn 't have deteriorated handwriting . There 's also the fact that we may become more relaxed and just not care as much , which will have an effect . Or it could just be that you 're in a hurry … Who said sometimes a cigar is just a cigar : ) Basically , handwriting changes to reflect our inner responses to various life experiences . That 's why it can be important for a handwriting analyst to have health information ( mental and physical ) about the writer in order to prepare the most accurate analysis . Q : I am a Design student , currently studying in Bath Spa university . I met a graphologist completely by chance a while ago and it struck me how much he could tell about my personality , and what may have shaped it . Just by looking at my sketchbook . This inspired me and I have been reading up since and descovered the darker side of handwriting anlysis and criminals . I have now been offered the opportunity on my graphic design degree to incorporate this into a project . I was wondering if anyone would possibly be able and willing to help me with my idea . A very important thing to understand about handwriting is that no single trait stands on its own . It has to be viewed with everything else that 's going on in the sample . In my book , HandwriThe Complete Idiot 's Guide to Handwriting Analysis , there 's an entire chapter devoted to some of the " red flags " for potentially dangerous behavior . One especially difficult combination is very heavy writing pressure and a strong writing slant , as they often point to an explosive personlity ( but that 's a generalization ) . The most interesting thing - that 's hard to answer . I 've been in this field for more than 40 years and have analyzed at least 15 , 000 handwritings . I suppose the forensic cases , especially when children are involved , are the most affecting and interesting . Sheila Lowe Looking for something new ? Like Trilogies ? Then plan on getting White Heat by Brenda Novak OUT TODAY ! And . . . the next two books in this new trilogy will be out : I loved the slow , intense buildup of the relationship between lead characters , Nate Ferrentino and Rachel Jessop in Brenda Novak , novel , White Heat . . . that 's out TODAY ! As shown above , it is also the first in a new trilogy , with the next two books coming out in the next two months ! Cool scheduling , Brenda ! Nate had been assigned the task of going undercover among members of a cult , which was considered dangerous . It wasn 't too much different than many such groups - - you know , lots of orders to be obeyed blindly and lots of sex , especially for the leader , Ethan Wycliff . Wycliff had formed the Church of the Covenant , one who taught that the world was coming to an end and if you wanted to be movin ' on with the approximately 200 at the appropriate time , you had to be branded . . . on the forehead . . . The group had been formed during college days and meant to be a joke so that all the no - nos of religion could be permitted , including drugs for instance . But then word spread , and the power that comes along for a leader was , perhaps , the most addictive for Wycliff . So after college , he set out to find a place for his group to continue and had bought an old ghost town - - Paradise , Arizona . The problem was that there was at least one of the original group dead , supposedly in an accident . And , now it had been reported that a woman was almost killed when she was stoned ! Another young girl had disappeared and her parents were sure she had been involved with the cult . . . Nate was ready to move in , but the group only accepted married couples , thus Rachel was assigned as Nate 's partner , over both of their objections ! It was fun to watch these two as they began to " play house " as a couple . Nate found an old trailer for them to live in , along with the lack of electricity , running water , and a wonderful " outhouse . " In fact , moving into Paradise would seem like a dream . . . Of course , Wycliff was quite taken with Rachel and interested in her more so than Nate . . . so , an argument was staged and Rachel went into the town on her own ! Readers will enjoy how Nate reacts , even getting several people from the outside town community involved ! Action , romantic suspense at its hottest ! White Heat sizzles with white heat between Nate and Rachel while the black heat in the hearts of Wycliff and his leaders will keep readers up all night if necessary to find out how the story ends ! I highly recommend you get the first in this trilogy by Brenda Novak and pre - order the next two . . . And , Psssst , you just may wind up with white heat on your lips as you follow my blog for August and watch for contests ! It was a beautiful setting , a beautiful island - - but it was more than that , it was in the perfect location . It could be controlled and could be accessed by those coming in from Columbia . Movement on to the United States was then easily handled . Rico Salazar was excited that he had found the perfect place for his drug operation ! Of course , to keep it safe and secure , he had regular patrols in the area to prevent random access by pleasure crafts and local fisherman . The locals had learned the hard way to keep away from the area . Those that ventured in were soon eliminated ; their boats taken or sold . A fisherman , his wife and daughter was one of those who decided to fish in this area . Madeleine Nesbitt , the 16 - year - old daughter who had dreams in which premonitions came to her , begged her parents not to go , but they wouldn 't listen . When the trouble began , her father told Madeleine to quickly and quietly go over the side . While she was saved at that time , she was later discovered and taken to the Island where she was immediately raped by Salazar . Fortunately she was very intelligent and had used a different name so that no connection was made to her parents . Madeleine quickly realized what she must do to stay alive . She would play a part . So successful was she that she was quickly put to work and gained additional and broader assignments that revealed Salazar 's growing trust . At the same time , she was arranging " problems " when she could as part of her own revenge . Then one day , she was the only one who was available to make a delivery to the US . She made it , sold the drugs - - and disappeared . Rico soon had everybody looking for her . She was the only woman that had become important to him and to whom he had shared much . Now she had betrayed him ; she would pay with her life . . . Returning to her own name , she bought a condo and tried to begin a new life . It is at this point that the concurrent storylines merged completely . For Madeleine starts to work for AJ Hartman , a corporate medical leader who made and sold pacemakers . And there she meets Peter Duncan , a recently hired administrator who has been caught in the web of deceit and murder that now forces him to search for some way to prove what he has discovered ! All of the story is twisted together in ways that those involved in criminal enterprises routinely do . Salazar has funded AJ Hartman 's company and now uses it for money laundering ; Salazar " takes care of " difficult problem people for Hartman , etc . , But the thing is , there are always good people who are working to stop men like Salazar and AJ Hartman - - and that 's where readers become involved in the continuous action and suspense of what these men are willing to do for the money ; and those who work to stop them ! You will travel from the United States to the Bahamas and on to Columbia as the DEA , government officials and the police work to stop the Salazar Multi - Billion Dollar Drug Empire ! Lovers of adventure will enjoy following the drugs , the money . . . and the fast - action hunt that highlights today 's criminal world ! Who will win in the deadly fight this time ? Read Shadow Cay by Leona Bodie ! 6 / 17 Just saw your review on Amazon and then visited your site . Holy Smoke ! As usual , I was amazed atwhat a fabulous job you did , reviewing the book and adding in all that related material . I was particularly thrilled that you includedthe book trailer I put on youtube . Youadding it to your review made me veryhappy . In fact , I had a big smile on myface the whole time I looked at what you 'd done . I even listened to the violin concerto and watched the video of Dog Hill . Every year it gets harder and harder tobring a new book to the attention of potential readers . I consider myself extremelyfortunate to have you as an ally in that endeavor . Thank you so much for all youdo for me and for other writers . There 's no - one else like you . And that 's no exaggeration . With profound gratitude , I remain , Your Friend , DonThank you . Your commitment to your craft is wonderful . Whether it 's one star or 5 , your reviews are detailed , considerate , and most of all , beneficial to the prospective reader . What an amazing presentation . Stellar . I never expected anything like that . Do you have a separate link that I can share ? I 'd love to post this everywhere I can . You did such a fabulous job . cheers ConnieThank you so much for your glowing review of my new book . Your review really highlighted all the things that I try to incorporate in my books - they 're the very things I want as a reader . I 'm nearly finished writing the next book in the series - Walker and Munoz are back , and interestingly as you referenced in your review , this time it 's personal . Again , thank you . I 'd read your amazing review before I looked at my Facebook page and was blessed . Hitting the link you posted , I was surprised for few would have gone to so much trouble , fewer still know that Lauren Bacall ( born Betty Joan Perske ) was Sephardic and bequeathed a large amount of primary source information about the Sephardim to a university , which I was able to view online when corroborating Naomi 's story . Your review stands as one of the highlights of this profoundly dyslectic authors Blog Archive
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On reflection , this dilemma is probably not as uncommon as it sounds . A family member is found , passed away , and the question is , did they pass away on the day they were found , or on the day prior , on which they were last seen about 1am ? A coroner 's office can provide a letter with a date in it , but when they are unable to provide the cause of death , it 's easy to also assume that their guesswork includes the time of death . Day 1 is 9th September . In 2011 , 9th was a Friday . It was the last day that John would ever get up in the morning and go to work . The last day that he was seen alive , going about his usual business . On 9 September , he did an early shift , at the residential care facility where he worked as a PSA ( Personal Services Attendant ) . After work he travelled home on public transport . He didn 't earn a huge wage , and couldn 't see the point of paying for the petrol , maintenance , registration and parking permit required to have a car in the inner Melbourne suburb where he lived . He probably arrived home and had a shower , and then relaxed , listening to Sonic Youth , or Depeche Mode , or reading , or watching TV . I can picture hi sitting outside and smoking , tobacco or other substances , as he frequently did . 9th September 2011 was not just any old normal working day for John . He would have been in a pretty good mood . It was his last shift before 2 weeks of annual leave he 'd organised in advance . He had been thinking for a while about training to become a Registered Nurse , had recently sat the required tests , and enrolled in the course . As someone who left school at the age of 16 , without finishing Year 10 , never undertaken any further study , and worked at many different unskilled jobs for the next 16 years , I 'm sure there was a great sense of achievement and pride for him in getting into this tertiary course . 10th September 2011 came and went without incident , but in my mind now , it is the twilight zone . It 's the hazy , not - quite - real , in - between date . It 's the gap in - between my brother being alive , and being found in his bed , dead . It 's the day that seemed normal at the time , but in hindsight it 's an abomination , because it 's the day where the rest of us went about our Saturday assuming all was still right with our world , totally oblivious to the fact that a terrible chasm had formed , at some point on that day , between our imagined reality and real life . Played back in slow motion , I see myself that morning doing all manner of frivolous activities . See , there I go : taking my daughter shopping for shoes and to the local op ( thrift ) shop . There I am again in the afternoon , sitting at home , phoning my sister , who lives overseas . In a strange turn of events , given what was to come , I was phoning my sister to say that a friend of hers , from our hometown , had passed away suddenly from an asthma attack at the age of 39 . After that call , I phoned John with the same news , but he didn 't answer , and he rarely ever responded to messages so I didn 't leave one . We don 't know what time on 10th September his sleeping state was disrupted by something - perhaps , ( as suggested by the coroner ) , a seizure - that turned out to be catastrophic . We don 't know when whatever - it - was changed normal sleep to something else , perhaps a coma , or perhaps death in moments . I don 't know if it was in the wee hours of that morning , or at the exact moment that I locked up my car in the cark park at the local shopping centre . Perhaps it was just as his phone was ringing next to his bed . We will never know , and I don 't spend a lot of time wondering , because no answer to this question is any more satisfactory than any other . The greater mystery , so it seemed to me at the time , was that there was no announcement . No bell tolled , no sense of suffocating dread overcame me . No sound , no thought , no feeling indicated to me that in one particular second on that weekend , something catastrophic had taken place . I said that the 10th was the twilight zone in the middle , but in fact , we do know that he was alive at the very start of the 10th , because he was seen by our youngest brother , P who lived with him . P was still up past midnight on 9th , watching TV when John got up to get a drink . P decided to go to bed . That was the last time he would ever see his brother alive . On 11th September 2011 , the airwaves and the media were particularly heavy with collective memories because it was the 10th anniversary of the attacks . That Sunday , I was out shopping yet again with my daughter - in the morning at a local shopping mall , and in the afternoon at the supermarket to get groceries . Apparently I shopped for most of that weekend . There I am on the Sunday , driving and listening to people call up the radio to share memories of 9 / 11 from 10 years earlier . Their stories make me feel particularly bleak this year , and for the first time , I decide my daughter is old enough to hear an edited version , so , grimly and a bit cruelly , I explain the bare details of what happened on 9 / 11 . She cries . Later on , there I am again , back at home in the afternoon , sitting at the computer with writer 's block . I 'm trying to think of something to write about on this blog , and I don 't hear my mobile phone ring upstairs . I 'm still agonising over what to write as the landline rings downstairs and my partner answers it . I take no notice , registering only that he 's talking to someone he knows , and assume it 's someone from his family . As I sit there at the computer screen , I 'm unaware of the significant moment that is drawing close . I see myself in that moment , blissfully ignorant that a devastating turning point in my life is now only a few minutes away . Those last minutes tick by , as that phone call comes to an end . So there I am , as that last innocent second ticks past , standing at the top of the stairs . Mistakenly thinking I 'm comforting my partner . It 's the last second of my previous life , the life where I thought everyone I loved was alive . Outwardly , I began to function normally again not long after , going to work and seeing friends , but any second when it was not distracted , my mind was focussed inwards , and in the past . It had a lot of mental work to do . It needed to integrate the enormous chasm where my brother 's life had been . The enormous chasm in what ? I hear you ask . Well … . in the picture of the world , and my life , that I carry around with me in my head . In order to do this , my mind began to obsess over dates and periods of time for every memory I unearthed , whether specifically of John or not of John - it didn 't matter . How old was he when this song was a hit , how old was he when I was at this college I 'm walking past , how old was I , how long ago was this event , and , always the inevitable calculation : how much time had John left to live at that point in our shared history . Did he have 15 years left , 5 years , 1 month , or 1 day ? From this process , I 've come to understand that we carry a kind of " story " in our minds , that is intrinsic to our understanding of ourselves and our lives . In a very fundamental way , I mean . I think that what we call " shock " is a huge chasm in our understanding of the world , that results when an element of this basic story is ripped apart through a sudden death . For example , because I am lucky enough to live in a First World country , I expect that my parents will live to an age ranging somewhere from their seventies to their nineties . As they are in their early seventies , I 'm awre that time is drawing closer but still hopeful that it could be a decade or more away . I don 't sit around consciously thinking about when my siblings , friends and family will die , but at an unconscious level I expect that I , and most of my siblings , friends and relatives around my age , will also live - on average - into our eighties or a bit beyond . I expect , and hope , that my child will outlive me . Therefore , I have an unconscious understanding of my life as a fixed span of time , and of where and how it interconnects with the lives of everyone I know . I assume I 'm approximately half way through my life . I 'm aware that these expectations are based on averages , and that plenty of people don 't make it to those average ages , but nevertheless , when one of those people turns out to be someone you love , that awareness is no comfort . As much as you know that all around the world every day people die both young and suddenly , you can 't prepare for the sudden shattering of your life as you know it , when someone puts the name of your sibling and the word " died " into the same sentence . So I realise now that although I probably didn 't spend a lot of time consciously thinking about my brother , his life was an intrinsic part of my own " story " . The story was as simple as this : that I am an older sister to 5 younger siblings . That amongst these siblings was this brother , born 8 years after me . That he would continue to be around , steadily 8 years younger than me , throughout most of my life . That , taking into account life expectancies for males and females , and our age difference , it was possible that he might live on after me . That we loved each other , and were bonded through love for the same group of people - the other members of our family . That 's it , at it 's most basic level . I didn 't need to think about those things . Our connected story was incredibly simple , but deeply , intrinsically , a part of my entire understanding of myself , my life and my world . There were also other layers to the story , layers sculpted out of the details . For example , details about our current lives , where we lived , things we 'd done in the past , together and apart . A trip to Hanging Rock , a holiday at Wilsons Prom , the time we walked around Lake Daylesford at 1am , slightly stoned . These details formed layers over the top of the basic story , so that our interconnected story had depth and complexity , and currency . I wonder if this accounts for the " waves " of grief that people talk about . I think perhaps each new wave of grief comes when you start ( unconsciously ) dismantling another layer of these densely interconnected stories . Or perhaps it comes at the end of having chipped away another layer . In any case , as each layer is chipped away , you come closer to understanding that your brother has died . This is such a painful process to go through . At first , and for months , every memory that popped up required analysing , calculating , and recalibrating . Every memory , therefore , was met with a huge sense of shock , swiftly followed by a new wave of grief , distress , and pain . * Recently I read a post that mentioned a book by Joan Didion , We Tell Ourselves Stories In Order To Live . I 'd been thinking about this " story of our lives " concept , so I immediately loved that title , and knew it would have to be the title of a post , if and when I wrote about this . Of course , I must also track down the book and read it at some point . Thanks to Goldfish for that piece of information . The envelope , filled with photos , is in a pile , with the few other things of his , or related to him , that I took when we cleaned out his personal belongings . An incident report he wrote at his work a few years ago , that I thought showed what a fair - minded , compassionate person he was . A letter I wrote to him , on behalf of my daughter , when she was a baby . His last payslip , which was redirected to my address a week or so after he died , causing me a fresh burst of pain when I opened it and , in a moment of bewilderment , registered that there was a shift listed on the day after he died . That was because he was on annual leave , starting on that day . A copy of his annual leave form , signed on 24 August , is also in the pile . I wish I had more photos of him . How common that wish must be , when someone dies ! Nevertheless , I know that he spent lots of time with me , and with my daughter , and I 'm so glad … that knowledge is more important than having pictures to prove it or remind me . In that first week or so after his death I couldn 't look at pictures of him without bursting into tears . Now that the shock is wearing off , and acceptance - which makes me sad in a whole different way - is settling in , I can look , but I just have to avoid looking at them at the wrong time . For example it was silly to look through photos right before leaving for work one morning , a few weeks ago . Naturally , I cried all the way to work . And it is not always conducive to efficient use of my time , to have saved photos of us together as the desktop image on my laptop . Some days , depending how low I am already feeling , I open my laptop to do some work , and on seeing the screen saver , I end up being very unproductive for the next little while . Photos of John are now amongst my dearest possessions . I have lots , but I am choosing to post some bad , blurry photos , because I like to retain my privacy as much as possible . Those who know who I am , and who John is , will recognise enough . These photos were taken about 2 years ago , at about 1am in the morning , in an inner suburb of Melbourne . Myself and two brothers had been out to see a band . We 'd all enjoyed a few drinks and were feeling very merry , and one of my brothers pulled out his trusty camera ( ! ) and blurrily documented our walk home . Keeping within this metaphor , I have to admit that , 10 weeks on from my brother 's death , thunderstorms are less frequent now . It is just constantly overcast and dull , with frequent downpours . Always clouded by the knowledge that my little brother has died . I can even manage to enjoy myself , as much as I might not want to admit it . But I always have the sense that something heavy is hanging over me . It 's the knowledge that someone I loved deeply is gone from my life . And if I 've been really absorbed for ages - by work , or by making the concerted effort to socialise cheerfully for hours - the realisation comes back with more strength when I leave , or maybe the next day . As if it needs to butt in and be given some attention . As if I 'd forgotten completely and am only just remembering again . Oh , that 's right - John is dead . I . WILL . NEVER . SEE . HIM . AGAIN . Last Friday night I went to a Kate Bush tribute night , Up Late With Kate . I enjoyed myself - it was a fun night - but social occasions are a test at the moment . Something always reminds me of John , no matter how obscurely . I test whether I can think about him and remain outwardly unmoved . If I can , then I think about him a little more , until I have to stop thinking about him , and try to come back to being in the moment . The present , where he is not . 10 weeks ago , I could not comprehend that . But then , 10 weeks ago , I could not imagine ever wanting to go out again . I felt abysmal , devastated , obliterated , and I did not want to ever feel better . I did not want to be told , however kindly , that I would eventually feel better . It seemed to me that to feel better would be to accept that John was dead ! To accept it and somehow move on from that ! ! I would never accept it ! I would reject it , I would live in disbelief if that was required , I would delude myself , if that was needed , but I would never , never , be able to accept , graciously or otherwise , the fact that my beautiful brother was dead ! When people told me I would eventually remember him with less pain , I felt like screaming - I don 't want to REMEMBER him ! I want him HERE ! NOW ! ALIVE ! ! ! The idea that he should become just a memory was unbearable . But , as I 'm only starting to comprehend , he had already become a memory , from the moment I heard those 2 terrible words , " John died . " I just hadn 't been able to see that then . In my head , he was alive . This John who was dead existed - or no longer existed - in some nightmarish version of reality which I was not yet able to comprehend . I realise now , sadly , that Time is having an effect . It is wearing through the layers of disbelief and I am gradually accepting that he is dead . By " accept " , I only mean , realise it , understand that it is a fact . Most of the time . Life , in sums I 'm a bit stuck , again . I 'm wondering what the hell the point is , in writing anything here . Since my brother died suddenly , it feels as though it is pointless writing anything at all . It doesn 't matter what I write , he will still be dead . And what can I say that I haven 't already said ? I 've already written about how I feel : the shock , the grief , the distress , the shock , all over again . The heightened awareness of time passing , the fixation on remembering times and dates of anything and everything that occurred before he died , the need to do endless calculations in my head about how old he was when I was doing this or that throughout my life . It feels like necessary work that my brain must do . It 's a compulsion , the need to translate his life into dates , times , and segments of time . The other night , after walking past my old college in the city , I had a moment of revelation about just how long ago I was there - nearly 20 years ago ! Of course the thought process that immediately followed was to work out how old John was then - about 15 . And it struck me that he would have been nearly half way through his life at that point . Well , of course then I had to work out exactly when the half way point of his life was . That night , I lay in bed and did multiplication and division , and came up with : October 1994 . I would have been 25 . He would have been 16 . I was living in a shared household in Gore Street , Fitzroy . He still lived with my parents , having only left school the year before , and was in his first job . All that time ago , eons ago , it seems , he passed the half way mark of his life . But why do these things matter ? What use are these meaningless computations ? How does it help me now , to know when the halfway point in his life was ? Nevertheless , I sense that it 's a way to tackle that overwhelming sense of randomness I felt after his death . I fool myself that the mental work of turning his life into a neat timeline , upon which I overlay dates , and measurable segments of time , will ultimately reveal that there was a pattern , or will impose some kind of order onto how it all panned out . His life , that is . In - between days As I drove to work this morning , I wondered , how can the weather have become warm and sunny overnight ? Surely it has been cold , rainy , and 14 degrees , for what feels like years - suddenly , or so it seems , today it is 27 degrees ! Have I been in such a haze that I missed the in - between days ? It seems possible . I 've certainly been in a haze . In an email , my sister said to me , ” … I can 't believe that some of my friends still don 't know that John died . For that matter , I can 't believe that there are strangers who don 't know it . Sometimes I want to collar a person walking past and tell them , look , this is the reality of it … . " I have felt that way too . The first time I was out in public after his funeral was really difficult . People were swarming merrily all around me at Federation Square , and I was struggling not to blubber . I was conscious also , of an urge to tell people that I was grieving . Suddenly I understood why in other cultures , people wear mourning clothes , armbands , wail , keen - why they have all those rituals to let others know that they are grieving . I almost wanted someone to notice that I was struggling , and say , with concern , " what 's wrong ? " - so I could blurt out all the emotional pain I was feeling . To be completely honest , I wanted to make them suffer like I was suffering . I wanted everyone to feel as bad as I did . People should stop strolling and chatting and feeling carefree - people in Federation Square , Melbourne , the whole world . No - one should ever again feel happy and carefree , because my brother has died , and what 's more , one day , this will happen to each of them too . We all know that one day , it will happen to us - someone we love deeply will die . But until it does , it 's something you hear about that happens to other people . When you hear about it , you say , " oh , that 's really sad ! " It is devastating . It is shock , and numbness . It is a feeling of such immense stress that you are unable to think clearly . It is all the clichés that you 've heard , made real : you feel weighted down , you feel like you are moving in slow motion . It is a sharp stabbing pain that makes you gasp when , occasionally , reality filters through and instead of the fact that sits numbly at the surface of your mind like a lesson it is learning , " my brother is dead , my brother is dead " , you suddenly have a deep , strong , physical memory of him - not of him doing anything in particular , just of him , the person that you knew and loved - and , in that same moment , you understand that he is gone . To anyone casually reading this , who has never experienced the sudden death of a beloved sibling , you can 't imagine what an impact that thought has . If I allow myself to think about it , it causes me pain . To think that just 3 weeks ago he was happy and excitedly looking forward to taking up study , and didn 't know that when he went to bed that night he would never wake up again . Who said that Time heals all wounds ? If that is true - and I am cynical - I think that Time doesn 't necessarily deserve a whole lot of thanks for that , because it 's Time that is to blame for the depth of the wounds in the first place . It 's Time that deepens the pain initially , by marching relentlessly on from the second that someone dies , so that even when you first hear those incomprehensible words , " John died , " and try to make sense of them , his death is already an event that occurred in the past . You are confused , trying to understand that this has already happened . And I didn 't know . But even as you struggle to understand , Time marches on . It doesn 't compassionately stop to let you catch up . After that awful news , time becomes a blur , and your feelings are numb . At first you are not even upset , because you know that there must be some awful confusion between what has really happened and what you understand people to be telling you . You lie awake all through the night , but next morning you hope that heavy , leaden feeling is the result of a bad dream . Apparently it 's not , though , because suddenly cards and flowers are arriving . In another moment , or so it seems , you are surrounded by people in black , watching a coffin being lowered into the ground - supposedly with your brother in it - and then before you know it , you are back at work , asking clients for technical specs , and crying when you leave the office to walk to the toilet . Popular blatherings … Picture yourself in a boat by a river The history of Nietzsche 's moustache Punc - tu - al - it - y . Nietzsche and his accidental , existential moustache Why my brother died - we may never know Nigella Lawson 's Ears I say , you say , weren 't you listening ? One will die before he gets there Recently blathered : Picture yourself in a boat by a river Join the blathering ! The Antipodean Blath … on Picture yourself in a boat by … SilverTiger on Picture yourself in a boat by … The Antipodean Blath … on Picture yourself in a boat by … The Antipodean Blath … on Picture yourself in a boat by … Amy on Picture yourself in a boat by … draliman on Picture yourself in a boat by … The Antipodean Blath … on How to read an instruction boo … SilverTiger on How to read an instruction boo … The Antipodean Blath … on How to read an instruction boo … SilverTiger on How to read an instruction boo … Blathering away on TwitterMy TweetsFellow Travellers
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Posted on January 8 , 2015 by Chelle 6 Hey , I can 't believe I haven 't uploaded a blog post since September ! The reason behind my blog name is to live life with no excuses , so that is exactly what I have been doing ! Here is a list of the things I learned in 2014 : Who sets these standards ? I 've been called weird more times than I can count on my fingers . I didn 't quite understand why I was put into this category . I would thoroughly think about my actions to determine what was so abnormal about them . I 'm still yet to come to a conclusion , I do not care for being ' normal ' . I only know how to be Rochelle and I will continue to do so . So the next time someone says ' You 're so weird ' or ' Why are you so weird ? ' I will take it as a compliment . Who wants to be normal anyway ? The moment I left ' self - doubt ' and any fears I had at the back of my mind , I was finally able to live life and experience new walks of life . One day I was so fed up of everything and made a conscious decision to make a change . It didn 't happen overnight , however it did happen so fast that I didn 't have time to think through what was going on . I started to enjoy life at present and not over think everything or allow any negative thoughts to corrupt my mind . I started feeling happier , braver and most importantly I started to believe in myself more . 3 . My ' problems ' are minuscule in comparison Whilst I 'm over here stressing over a little breakout or what to wear on a night out , there is someone out there going through something 100 times worse . I have seen true strength over the last few years , some of my loved ones have been through the worst and you would never even know it . Although you can 't run away from your problems , some problems aren 't really problems and it all depends how you perceive them . I 'm used to seeing people upload pictures of nights out and I sometimes think ' Aww I 'm missing out ' . At one stage I thought I was in the boring category when I had no interest in going out , but you know what I 'm not a boring person . I have my own idea of ' fun ' and that 's where the party is at for me . Every once in a while I will throw on a dress , some heels and shake a leg or two , but there is only so much shaking one can do and it becomes repetitive . Quite frankly I would prefer to be snuggled in bed with a cup of green tea and a good read ( haha I sound like a right adventurous one right ? ) One evening whilst I was on holiday I thought it would be cool to attempt to fly . I 've seen superheroes do it on TV , so it was only right I put it to the test . OK - I 'll tell you the actual story . I sprained my ankle whilst of holiday last September . Just my luck right ? I cannot recall how exactly it happened or how I managed to miss one step ( Yes , it was one single step and it wasn 't even that steep ) . I can assure you that it didn 't stop me from enjoying my girly holiday . I picked myself up and continued with my evening , then I spent the most part of the following day in a Spanish hospital . Unfortunately I was unable to participate in any water activities for the remainder of my holiday . Next time I will stay clear of all stairs , I promise ! I love waking up feeling refreshed and raring to go . I 'm one of those people that aims to go to bed early and it usually work out ( Well 9 times out of 10 it does ) . I must admit the cold weather makes it almost impossible to drag myself out my bed , however once I 'm up , I 'm up ! Gone are the days when I force myself to stay up and find some sort of entertainment . My duvet , pillow and iPod are my means of late night entertainment . By 10pm I have already planned the last few tasks before I hit the sheets . If you have experienced waking up and having to mentally prepare yourself for a day filled with activities you dread - you will understand where I am coming from ! I have spent days counting down the hours till I am finally free . The moment I 'm free , I 'm happy and in my element . There was a period of time where I woke up feeling excited and I looked forward to the day ahead . I loved what I was doing at this time and it was a highlight of my year . I will return here again . Always be grateful for what you have right in front of you , we have to do what we have to do to make ends meet , but do we really need to compromise our happiness for XYZ ? 8 . I like my own company I always have … I don 't get bored of my own company . I 'm the kind of person that will go out and socialize from time to time , but after a while I need ME time . Not because I am depressed or in an emotional state , this is how I operate . ' Don 't take it personally ' Just for the sake of it ! It may be the wrong choice , but at the end of the day it was my choice . I don 't need to be where everyone else is . This one speaks for itself . I can forget about the money I 've put towards overindulging in my favourite snacks ; however my time is so precious . Money can be made to replace what is lost ; I can 't get back the time I 've wasted on people or things . I often think about all the time I have invested in other people and irrelevant activities and if I could turn back the hands of time I would have thought twice about doing so . Note to self : set aside time to invest in yourself frequently . You live and you learn ! As some of you know I had never been on a plane , I hadn 't even spent more than 5 days away from home . 25 years on the planet and the only place I really knew of was ' Home ' ( London ) . Towards the end of 2013 my friends and I discussed going on a girly holiday . At that point in the time I wasn 't sure how I would get there , but I did ! I spent 7 days in Ibiza with 8 other girls which was a little out of my comfort zone ( I 'm not a party girl ! ) . The holiday opened my eyes to the unforeseen and I cherished every minute of it . Now to plan where I 'm off to next ! Yes blogging is my thing ! I have my own domain name and the freedom to write about whatever I like until my hearts content ! In April 2014 I decided to write a blog , I had no idea what to name my blog or what I was going to write about . I 'm not one to express myself in so many words to any and everyone ; however blogging was a whole new world to me and there was no looking back once I started . Before I knew it I was hooked on my blog and my blog has kept me going . In the past I 've struggled to write 500 words about myself and here I am publishing my 80th post . Whoop ! To be honest I do not feel 25 - I 'm still young at heart and there 's no reason for me to act my age . I 'm over my ' OMG I 'm not married or in my dream job role yet ' rant . My life doesn 't have to be in order at this point in time . This year was spent investing valuable time into figuring out where my interests lie and it has worked in my favour . I will make mistakes like everyone else and pick myself up and keep going . Things will fall into place when the time is right . If I think I 'm incapable of being the best I can be , I will portray this to the world and the world will respond to this . I have been working hard to ensure I feed my body with healthy foods and control the amount of junk food I consume mentally . I was afraid to be happy due to past experiences ; I was stuck in a loop where I imagined everything being taken away from me in a blink of an eye . I believe there is so much more out there for me and I am going to go and get mine ! If everyone else can do it , why can 't I ? Posted on September 20 , 2014 by Chelle 4 Lately I 've been so wrapped in my thoughts and this time around its helped me a great deal . It 's been an odd year to say the least . I had high hopes of a lot of things and ended up with so many disappointments . I was looking forward to new ventures and ended up in horrible situations I 'd rather forget . The first part of the year is a blur ; the less I think about it … The better ! Many of the people I met were nothing more than a mere lesson . I attended a pity party for one and thought to myself ' Why me ? ' ' What did I do to deserve this ? ' , I had to leave the party early - it wasn 't my scene ! I spent far too much time dwelling on things in the past instead of working on improving my year . I am a bit of a worrier at the worst of times , I had to turn things around and I 've come to the conclusion that I am in fact a warrior ! I 've put on a brave face and soldiered on and I will continue to do so ! I posted a poem I wrote called ' Don 't take it personally ' and although I strongly believe time away from loved ones is needed , it is also crucial to vent every once in a while . Not everyone will be able to offer you the advice you need , however it will help you feel better and vice versa . Keeping things bottled up all the time will not harm anyone but yourself . Not everyone will have your best interest at heart , it is up to you who you decide who 's shoulder to cry on and in due time you will discover who is really down for you . I hate seeing my friends down in the dumps and I try the hardest to lift their spirits , but I found it so difficult to do so when I wasn 't feeling 100 % . I kinda thought I would be of no help since I was struggling to help myself … I was totally wrong here , it 's possible ! My friend was in a similar situation to me , we were pretty much in the same boat to be honest . Every time we spoke he would offer me encouragement and advice . The last time we spoke I discovered he had found an escape , he knew what he wanted and he got it , one of the last things he said to me that day was ' Sometimes you just have to go out and get it Rochelle ' . I woke up the next day feeling much more motivated . I could see my friend had removed himself from somewhere he wasn 't happy and made some progress . I was happy for him . By now I knew it was my turn , I had nothing to lose after all . I recall feeling so angry about EVERYTHING . I walked around feeling like the world was on my shoulders . I overlooked all the good things in my life and when I read about so & so doing XYZ I felt like crap . My automatic response to ' how are you ? ' was never a simple ' I 'm fine ' it was always ' I 'm fine , but . . ' but what ? I had to remind myself that I am alive , healthy , I have a wonderful family , a great set of friends , a job and so much more . I stopped complaining so much and refrained from driving myself crazy with my thoughts . In no time I noticed a big difference … I started to feel a lot better about all aspects of my life , then I started to see results . YESSS , please read the above again . Lately people don 't seem to understand why I am so content . ' Don 't you have any complaints ? ' ' You 're telling me everything is A - OK ? ' Yup that 's exactly what I 'm telling you . I keep getting questioned about what is happening in my life lately and why I don 't want to divulge . As long as I 'm doing okay that is all that matters - right ? I 've never felt the need to explain the in 's and out 's of what is going on in my life to any and everyone . Another blogger said this to me a few months ago . Its taken me a long time to process the last month or so . It feels so unreal and unlike the beginning of the year , this is a good thing ! I 've proved to myself that when I put my mind to it , I can achieve it ! There 's no reason why I can 't live happily like everyone else ! Its all down to my thoughts at the end of the day . If I keep feeding my body with junk food how can I expect to be healthy , its the same with my thoughts . . How can I expect a positive outcome with negativity running through my veins ? It doesn 't work like that ! My skin has pretty much been up and down . I used to be terrified of trying new products since my skin was so sensitive . I spent so much time researching new products , reading reviews , trying products and witnessing my skin taking a turn for the worst . There is one brand of skin care products that I now cannot live without … . I have discussed my issue with a few friends over the years that were going through something similar . As a teenager you expect the odd spot to appear and to have a mini freak out session where you vow not to enter the school building because of it . Well imagine this happening ever other week for years . I accepted the fact I was one of the unlucky ones to have uncontrollable breakouts as I tried to find a solution for it . I was never bullied ; people noticed my skin and I would get stared at . I tried my hardest to keep quiet and I wouldn 't interact with people outside my social group much in case someone commented on my skin . I know how cruel kids can be and I didn 't want to be the centre of attention . Whenever I could I would wear clothing with high necks to try and cover the spots on my chin . I ran into a girl in the year above me one summer and she looked me in the face and said ' Err what happened to your skin ? ' and I thought ' Hmm how nice of her to point it out ' . I 've had little kids point and say ' What 's that on your face ? ' ' Why do you have so many spots ? ' Daddy why are those things on her face ? ' . Although I wanted to the floor to swallow me up in embarrassment I didn 't let it get to me - Kids will be kids . I remember there was a guy who started to show interest in me and I overheard his friend say ' She 's ugly though , have you seen her skin ? ' I won 't lie those words hurt and for quite sometime I believed I was ugly , I went home one day and asked my mum why I was ugly . To this day I can 't recall my mum 's response to this . By now my self - esteem was at level 0 , but I still prodded along and went to school everyday . Doctors would laugh at me when I would ask to be referred to a dermatologist because my skin was fine and they didn 't see any problem with it . Mirror were off limits for me , when my friends and I waltzed into the girls toilet I would stand as far away from the mirror as possible . Staring at my reflection was just a reminder of how horrid my skin looked . When I was about 15 / 16 my classes changed and I started to mingle with new people . I was still very shy and after a while I learned not to care so much . The proof was in the pudding ; I hadn 't even realised my skin miraculously cleared up until a class mate pointed out . This worked wonders for my self - esteem thereafter . I felt more confident and I realised that those who truly did like me as a person didn 't care about such things . My friends still hung out me regardless of me having a huge spot on my chin . I was worried my skin would instantly put guys off , yet it didn 't seem to bother the ones that liked me . Over the years I have had people say hurtful things , however they were not important people in my life . My college and university years were pretty much a blur to be honest , my skin flared up from time to time but I got on with my coursework . I started to use a new range of skincare products earlier this year and I was convinced they would working for me . I decided to take a photograph of my skin and I wanted to cry ( I probably did ) . I immediately stopped using the products . I still make little mistakes and I often make the wrong choices and try products which are not right for my skin . For e . g . I brought a cleansing brush and regretted it after two uses . It was way too harsh for my skin . Its taken me 10 years , but I 'm learning to love the skin I 'm in ! I feel like I still have a long way to go though and when I can I will visit a dermatologist . There is more to life than having or wanting good skin , but at the same time it is not a nice feeling having to stare at your reflection and not being happy with what you see ! If I have missed someone , I will immediately let them know and it will be genuine . Then there are times I will laugh or jokily say that I hadn 't noticed there absense presence ( at this point the person gets the gist of it - I haven 't really missed them ) . Most people are used to my ways , at the best of times words seem to roll off the tip of my tongue and it 's hard to distinguish whether I 'm being serious or pulling their leg . Sure I might think about certain people from time to time especially if they played some what of a big part in my life . I may even run through snippets of the good times we had , however this doesn 't neccessarily mean I 'm yearning to be around them again or looking rekindle or start over . Let 's be honest overtime we look back at friendships / relationships with people in the past and we start to see things a lot clearer . I 'm a strong believer that everything happens for a reason , in the beginning you might not think you can 't live without them and months down the line … Well what do you know , you are still alive and kicking ! An old friend came back into my life recently and halfway through the conversation he said he had missed me . I was so close to saying I had missed him too , then I thought about it for a few seconds … I hadn 't missed him . I felt bad , I really did but we spoke all the time and then spent almost a whole year apart , so I had more than enough time think things through and I definetly made the right choice to leave him to his own devices a year ago . It doesn 't always work both ways unfortunately . For all I know I could have dived right in and told someone I 've missed them and they haven 't felt the same . At least I made my feelings known I guess , you can 't knock anyone for expressing how they feel in these situations . I 'm not going to apologise for not being able to say the words ' I miss you ' if i know deep down I don 't . However I will make more of a conscious effort to express myself in future regardless of how the recipient may respond to it . Posted on August 3 , 2014 by Chelle 11 It all started when I was about 13 years old . My friends and I were sat in our Geography class ' working hard ' . Only 3 / 6 of my group of friends ( including myself ) were in this class and we were lucky enough to sit together . My friend asked why our girl group wasn 't like other girl groups . I was curious to know what she meant by this . I thought we were pretty ' normal ' ( whatever normal is ) . My friend questioned why we didn 't talk about the guys we fancied like all the girls on TV did . My friends were crazy about boy band members and I never understood the fascination . I would think ' OK he 's cute , now back to reality ' . ' What boy do I like ? ' I thought to myself . I was yet to have a crush on a guy and I felt quite embarrassed about it . Around this time there was this guy who seemed to think he was in love with me . I told him early on that I wasn 't interested in having a boyfriend . All I wanted to do is play games , watch TV and write . Why would I need a boyfriend ? I knew for a fact I would never get to see him anyway , so it would be pointless . My friends went off into one about this one guy they both saw around school . Both of my friends were able to describe him to a tee and I sat there clueless as I had no idea who he was . Before I knew it all eyes were on me ' Who do you like Rochelle ? ' I looked outside and pointed at the first boy I saw . I wasn 't attracted to him in the slightest , he had a queue of girls pining for him - however he wasn 't my cup of tea ! It stuck with me throughout the next two school years . ' Rochelle look who it is , its brown eyes ! ' and I would pretend to be happy to see him . I wasn 't … I really wasn 't ! I couldn 't wait for it to be old news . Then when I was 15 I had my first crush , he was there all along . He was OK looking and I found him to be annoying at first . Then when I got to know him I started to realised how handsome he actually was , he was far from annoying and I discovered what butterflies were . In fact I was unable to get my butterflies to keep still . To this day I 'm still the same . There are no celeb 's I 'm crazy about . I am always in the background when my friends talk about the guys they consider eye candy in the public eye . I can 't define the type of guys I like , I like what I like . I have no particular preference and it takes a lot more than physical attraction for me to start ' crushing ' on someone . I haven 't updated you all in a while . I 'm still going strong with my healthy eating and exercising . The food part is easy , I have no qualms eating lots of fruit and vegetables everyday . I make sure I stay hydrated throughout the day , I now add slices of lemon and it feels odd drinking water alone . I reintroduced white rice to my diet in small doses . I don 't feel as though I have missed out on anything , besides bulgar wheat has taken its place ! Bread is still a no no ; my colleagues were used to me sitting eating sandwiches for lunch , now I have a container of salad in front of me . I wake up at the crack of dawn to exercise 4 times a week . It works best for me ! Halfway through the workout I realise I 'm awake and before I know it the workout is over . I have less than two months before I go on holiday and I 'm still far from excited . Why ? I feel like I 'm no where near my goal . I said I didn 't have a goal - I don 't , just an idea of what I want to look like and feel like . I had the shock of my life looking through old photo 's of my stomach and I noticed a slight difference ! My brother says there is a big difference 😀 I can 't expect things to change overnight , so I shall keep going . Even looking at a picture of a beach is more than enough motivation for me . I was aiming to make more smoothies , however it turns out my ' Magic bullet ' wasn 't magic after all ! So I purchased a Kenwood Smoothie Maker for £ 19 . 99 from Argos . I had a voucher and it was either a handbag or a smoothie maker . I have used it once and I give it 5 stars , its compact , it isn 't too loud and does the job well . 1 . To stay away from the scales . I was never one to jump on off of scales , but I did give it a go . Within a space of 2 minutes my weight changed 3 times ( my scales are dodgy ) . I will use the one at the doctors one day . I measure myself using a tape measure and keep note of the measurements . 3 . Perseverance is key in all aspects in my life ! ! ! If I can get through a half an hour workout surely I can get through whatever else comes my way . 4 . Jilian Micheal 's is the bomb ! I feel like I have my own personal trainer in my living room . She often reels off motivational quotes during her workouts and it helps me push myself . 5 . I have had my fair share of cakes , biscuits , crisps chocolate and so on . This doesn 't mean I will never eat these foods again . It will be in small doses and on rare occasions . 6 . Health is wealth ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! I took my good health for granted . Recently I was taken a back by some news and it has sunk in now . The bottom line is : looking after myself is so important ! What doesn 't kill me will only make me stronger ! Posted on July 23 , 2014 by Chelle 2 * My uncle 's gorgeous garden a while back . I took these photo 's using my good old 16mp Fujifilm camera . Posted in Random Musings | Tagged Camera , Family , Garden , Good Times , Photography , Photos , Pictures , Snaps , Summer | 2 Replies
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Posted on January 8 , 2015 by Chelle 6 Hey , I can 't believe I haven 't uploaded a blog post since September ! The reason behind my blog name is to live life with no excuses , so that is exactly what I have been doing ! Here is a list of the things I learned in 2014 : Who sets these standards ? I 've been called weird more times than I can count on my fingers . I didn 't quite understand why I was put into this category . I would thoroughly think about my actions to determine what was so abnormal about them . I 'm still yet to come to a conclusion , I do not care for being ' normal ' . I only know how to be Rochelle and I will continue to do so . So the next time someone says ' You 're so weird ' or ' Why are you so weird ? ' I will take it as a compliment . Who wants to be normal anyway ? The moment I left ' self - doubt ' and any fears I had at the back of my mind , I was finally able to live life and experience new walks of life . One day I was so fed up of everything and made a conscious decision to make a change . It didn 't happen overnight , however it did happen so fast that I didn 't have time to think through what was going on . I started to enjoy life at present and not over think everything or allow any negative thoughts to corrupt my mind . I started feeling happier , braver and most importantly I started to believe in myself more . 3 . My ' problems ' are minuscule in comparison Whilst I 'm over here stressing over a little breakout or what to wear on a night out , there is someone out there going through something 100 times worse . I have seen true strength over the last few years , some of my loved ones have been through the worst and you would never even know it . Although you can 't run away from your problems , some problems aren 't really problems and it all depends how you perceive them . I 'm used to seeing people upload pictures of nights out and I sometimes think ' Aww I 'm missing out ' . At one stage I thought I was in the boring category when I had no interest in going out , but you know what I 'm not a boring person . I have my own idea of ' fun ' and that 's where the party is at for me . Every once in a while I will throw on a dress , some heels and shake a leg or two , but there is only so much shaking one can do and it becomes repetitive . Quite frankly I would prefer to be snuggled in bed with a cup of green tea and a good read ( haha I sound like a right adventurous one right ? ) One evening whilst I was on holiday I thought it would be cool to attempt to fly . I 've seen superheroes do it on TV , so it was only right I put it to the test . OK - I 'll tell you the actual story . I sprained my ankle whilst of holiday last September . Just my luck right ? I cannot recall how exactly it happened or how I managed to miss one step ( Yes , it was one single step and it wasn 't even that steep ) . I can assure you that it didn 't stop me from enjoying my girly holiday . I picked myself up and continued with my evening , then I spent the most part of the following day in a Spanish hospital . Unfortunately I was unable to participate in any water activities for the remainder of my holiday . Next time I will stay clear of all stairs , I promise ! I love waking up feeling refreshed and raring to go . I 'm one of those people that aims to go to bed early and it usually work out ( Well 9 times out of 10 it does ) . I must admit the cold weather makes it almost impossible to drag myself out my bed , however once I 'm up , I 'm up ! Gone are the days when I force myself to stay up and find some sort of entertainment . My duvet , pillow and iPod are my means of late night entertainment . By 10pm I have already planned the last few tasks before I hit the sheets . If you have experienced waking up and having to mentally prepare yourself for a day filled with activities you dread - you will understand where I am coming from ! I have spent days counting down the hours till I am finally free . The moment I 'm free , I 'm happy and in my element . There was a period of time where I woke up feeling excited and I looked forward to the day ahead . I loved what I was doing at this time and it was a highlight of my year . I will return here again . Always be grateful for what you have right in front of you , we have to do what we have to do to make ends meet , but do we really need to compromise our happiness for XYZ ? 8 . I like my own company I always have … I don 't get bored of my own company . I 'm the kind of person that will go out and socialize from time to time , but after a while I need ME time . Not because I am depressed or in an emotional state , this is how I operate . ' Don 't take it personally ' Just for the sake of it ! It may be the wrong choice , but at the end of the day it was my choice . I don 't need to be where everyone else is . This one speaks for itself . I can forget about the money I 've put towards overindulging in my favourite snacks ; however my time is so precious . Money can be made to replace what is lost ; I can 't get back the time I 've wasted on people or things . I often think about all the time I have invested in other people and irrelevant activities and if I could turn back the hands of time I would have thought twice about doing so . Note to self : set aside time to invest in yourself frequently . You live and you learn ! As some of you know I had never been on a plane , I hadn 't even spent more than 5 days away from home . 25 years on the planet and the only place I really knew of was ' Home ' ( London ) . Towards the end of 2013 my friends and I discussed going on a girly holiday . At that point in the time I wasn 't sure how I would get there , but I did ! I spent 7 days in Ibiza with 8 other girls which was a little out of my comfort zone ( I 'm not a party girl ! ) . The holiday opened my eyes to the unforeseen and I cherished every minute of it . Now to plan where I 'm off to next ! Yes blogging is my thing ! I have my own domain name and the freedom to write about whatever I like until my hearts content ! In April 2014 I decided to write a blog , I had no idea what to name my blog or what I was going to write about . I 'm not one to express myself in so many words to any and everyone ; however blogging was a whole new world to me and there was no looking back once I started . Before I knew it I was hooked on my blog and my blog has kept me going . In the past I 've struggled to write 500 words about myself and here I am publishing my 80th post . Whoop ! To be honest I do not feel 25 - I 'm still young at heart and there 's no reason for me to act my age . I 'm over my ' OMG I 'm not married or in my dream job role yet ' rant . My life doesn 't have to be in order at this point in time . This year was spent investing valuable time into figuring out where my interests lie and it has worked in my favour . I will make mistakes like everyone else and pick myself up and keep going . Things will fall into place when the time is right . If I think I 'm incapable of being the best I can be , I will portray this to the world and the world will respond to this . I have been working hard to ensure I feed my body with healthy foods and control the amount of junk food I consume mentally . I was afraid to be happy due to past experiences ; I was stuck in a loop where I imagined everything being taken away from me in a blink of an eye . I believe there is so much more out there for me and I am going to go and get mine ! If everyone else can do it , why can 't I ? Posted on September 20 , 2014 by Chelle 4 Lately I 've been so wrapped in my thoughts and this time around its helped me a great deal . It 's been an odd year to say the least . I had high hopes of a lot of things and ended up with so many disappointments . I was looking forward to new ventures and ended up in horrible situations I 'd rather forget . The first part of the year is a blur ; the less I think about it … The better ! Many of the people I met were nothing more than a mere lesson . I attended a pity party for one and thought to myself ' Why me ? ' ' What did I do to deserve this ? ' , I had to leave the party early - it wasn 't my scene ! I spent far too much time dwelling on things in the past instead of working on improving my year . I am a bit of a worrier at the worst of times , I had to turn things around and I 've come to the conclusion that I am in fact a warrior ! I 've put on a brave face and soldiered on and I will continue to do so ! I posted a poem I wrote called ' Don 't take it personally ' and although I strongly believe time away from loved ones is needed , it is also crucial to vent every once in a while . Not everyone will be able to offer you the advice you need , however it will help you feel better and vice versa . Keeping things bottled up all the time will not harm anyone but yourself . Not everyone will have your best interest at heart , it is up to you who you decide who 's shoulder to cry on and in due time you will discover who is really down for you . I hate seeing my friends down in the dumps and I try the hardest to lift their spirits , but I found it so difficult to do so when I wasn 't feeling 100 % . I kinda thought I would be of no help since I was struggling to help myself … I was totally wrong here , it 's possible ! My friend was in a similar situation to me , we were pretty much in the same boat to be honest . Every time we spoke he would offer me encouragement and advice . The last time we spoke I discovered he had found an escape , he knew what he wanted and he got it , one of the last things he said to me that day was ' Sometimes you just have to go out and get it Rochelle ' . I woke up the next day feeling much more motivated . I could see my friend had removed himself from somewhere he wasn 't happy and made some progress . I was happy for him . By now I knew it was my turn , I had nothing to lose after all . I recall feeling so angry about EVERYTHING . I walked around feeling like the world was on my shoulders . I overlooked all the good things in my life and when I read about so & so doing XYZ I felt like crap . My automatic response to ' how are you ? ' was never a simple ' I 'm fine ' it was always ' I 'm fine , but . . ' but what ? I had to remind myself that I am alive , healthy , I have a wonderful family , a great set of friends , a job and so much more . I stopped complaining so much and refrained from driving myself crazy with my thoughts . In no time I noticed a big difference … I started to feel a lot better about all aspects of my life , then I started to see results . YESSS , please read the above again . Lately people don 't seem to understand why I am so content . ' Don 't you have any complaints ? ' ' You 're telling me everything is A - OK ? ' Yup that 's exactly what I 'm telling you . I keep getting questioned about what is happening in my life lately and why I don 't want to divulge . As long as I 'm doing okay that is all that matters - right ? I 've never felt the need to explain the in 's and out 's of what is going on in my life to any and everyone . Another blogger said this to me a few months ago . Its taken me a long time to process the last month or so . It feels so unreal and unlike the beginning of the year , this is a good thing ! I 've proved to myself that when I put my mind to it , I can achieve it ! There 's no reason why I can 't live happily like everyone else ! Its all down to my thoughts at the end of the day . If I keep feeding my body with junk food how can I expect to be healthy , its the same with my thoughts . . How can I expect a positive outcome with negativity running through my veins ? It doesn 't work like that ! My skin has pretty much been up and down . I used to be terrified of trying new products since my skin was so sensitive . I spent so much time researching new products , reading reviews , trying products and witnessing my skin taking a turn for the worst . There is one brand of skin care products that I now cannot live without … . I have discussed my issue with a few friends over the years that were going through something similar . As a teenager you expect the odd spot to appear and to have a mini freak out session where you vow not to enter the school building because of it . Well imagine this happening ever other week for years . I accepted the fact I was one of the unlucky ones to have uncontrollable breakouts as I tried to find a solution for it . I was never bullied ; people noticed my skin and I would get stared at . I tried my hardest to keep quiet and I wouldn 't interact with people outside my social group much in case someone commented on my skin . I know how cruel kids can be and I didn 't want to be the centre of attention . Whenever I could I would wear clothing with high necks to try and cover the spots on my chin . I ran into a girl in the year above me one summer and she looked me in the face and said ' Err what happened to your skin ? ' and I thought ' Hmm how nice of her to point it out ' . I 've had little kids point and say ' What 's that on your face ? ' ' Why do you have so many spots ? ' Daddy why are those things on her face ? ' . Although I wanted to the floor to swallow me up in embarrassment I didn 't let it get to me - Kids will be kids . I remember there was a guy who started to show interest in me and I overheard his friend say ' She 's ugly though , have you seen her skin ? ' I won 't lie those words hurt and for quite sometime I believed I was ugly , I went home one day and asked my mum why I was ugly . To this day I can 't recall my mum 's response to this . By now my self - esteem was at level 0 , but I still prodded along and went to school everyday . Doctors would laugh at me when I would ask to be referred to a dermatologist because my skin was fine and they didn 't see any problem with it . Mirror were off limits for me , when my friends and I waltzed into the girls toilet I would stand as far away from the mirror as possible . Staring at my reflection was just a reminder of how horrid my skin looked . When I was about 15 / 16 my classes changed and I started to mingle with new people . I was still very shy and after a while I learned not to care so much . The proof was in the pudding ; I hadn 't even realised my skin miraculously cleared up until a class mate pointed out . This worked wonders for my self - esteem thereafter . I felt more confident and I realised that those who truly did like me as a person didn 't care about such things . My friends still hung out me regardless of me having a huge spot on my chin . I was worried my skin would instantly put guys off , yet it didn 't seem to bother the ones that liked me . Over the years I have had people say hurtful things , however they were not important people in my life . My college and university years were pretty much a blur to be honest , my skin flared up from time to time but I got on with my coursework . I started to use a new range of skincare products earlier this year and I was convinced they would working for me . I decided to take a photograph of my skin and I wanted to cry ( I probably did ) . I immediately stopped using the products . I still make little mistakes and I often make the wrong choices and try products which are not right for my skin . For e . g . I brought a cleansing brush and regretted it after two uses . It was way too harsh for my skin . Its taken me 10 years , but I 'm learning to love the skin I 'm in ! I feel like I still have a long way to go though and when I can I will visit a dermatologist . There is more to life than having or wanting good skin , but at the same time it is not a nice feeling having to stare at your reflection and not being happy with what you see ! If I have missed someone , I will immediately let them know and it will be genuine . Then there are times I will laugh or jokily say that I hadn 't noticed there absense presence ( at this point the person gets the gist of it - I haven 't really missed them ) . Most people are used to my ways , at the best of times words seem to roll off the tip of my tongue and it 's hard to distinguish whether I 'm being serious or pulling their leg . Sure I might think about certain people from time to time especially if they played some what of a big part in my life . I may even run through snippets of the good times we had , however this doesn 't neccessarily mean I 'm yearning to be around them again or looking rekindle or start over . Let 's be honest overtime we look back at friendships / relationships with people in the past and we start to see things a lot clearer . I 'm a strong believer that everything happens for a reason , in the beginning you might not think you can 't live without them and months down the line … Well what do you know , you are still alive and kicking ! An old friend came back into my life recently and halfway through the conversation he said he had missed me . I was so close to saying I had missed him too , then I thought about it for a few seconds … I hadn 't missed him . I felt bad , I really did but we spoke all the time and then spent almost a whole year apart , so I had more than enough time think things through and I definetly made the right choice to leave him to his own devices a year ago . It doesn 't always work both ways unfortunately . For all I know I could have dived right in and told someone I 've missed them and they haven 't felt the same . At least I made my feelings known I guess , you can 't knock anyone for expressing how they feel in these situations . I 'm not going to apologise for not being able to say the words ' I miss you ' if i know deep down I don 't . However I will make more of a conscious effort to express myself in future regardless of how the recipient may respond to it . Posted on August 3 , 2014 by Chelle 11 It all started when I was about 13 years old . My friends and I were sat in our Geography class ' working hard ' . Only 3 / 6 of my group of friends ( including myself ) were in this class and we were lucky enough to sit together . My friend asked why our girl group wasn 't like other girl groups . I was curious to know what she meant by this . I thought we were pretty ' normal ' ( whatever normal is ) . My friend questioned why we didn 't talk about the guys we fancied like all the girls on TV did . My friends were crazy about boy band members and I never understood the fascination . I would think ' OK he 's cute , now back to reality ' . ' What boy do I like ? ' I thought to myself . I was yet to have a crush on a guy and I felt quite embarrassed about it . Around this time there was this guy who seemed to think he was in love with me . I told him early on that I wasn 't interested in having a boyfriend . All I wanted to do is play games , watch TV and write . Why would I need a boyfriend ? I knew for a fact I would never get to see him anyway , so it would be pointless . My friends went off into one about this one guy they both saw around school . Both of my friends were able to describe him to a tee and I sat there clueless as I had no idea who he was . Before I knew it all eyes were on me ' Who do you like Rochelle ? ' I looked outside and pointed at the first boy I saw . I wasn 't attracted to him in the slightest , he had a queue of girls pining for him - however he wasn 't my cup of tea ! It stuck with me throughout the next two school years . ' Rochelle look who it is , its brown eyes ! ' and I would pretend to be happy to see him . I wasn 't … I really wasn 't ! I couldn 't wait for it to be old news . Then when I was 15 I had my first crush , he was there all along . He was OK looking and I found him to be annoying at first . Then when I got to know him I started to realised how handsome he actually was , he was far from annoying and I discovered what butterflies were . In fact I was unable to get my butterflies to keep still . To this day I 'm still the same . There are no celeb 's I 'm crazy about . I am always in the background when my friends talk about the guys they consider eye candy in the public eye . I can 't define the type of guys I like , I like what I like . I have no particular preference and it takes a lot more than physical attraction for me to start ' crushing ' on someone . I haven 't updated you all in a while . I 'm still going strong with my healthy eating and exercising . The food part is easy , I have no qualms eating lots of fruit and vegetables everyday . I make sure I stay hydrated throughout the day , I now add slices of lemon and it feels odd drinking water alone . I reintroduced white rice to my diet in small doses . I don 't feel as though I have missed out on anything , besides bulgar wheat has taken its place ! Bread is still a no no ; my colleagues were used to me sitting eating sandwiches for lunch , now I have a container of salad in front of me . I wake up at the crack of dawn to exercise 4 times a week . It works best for me ! Halfway through the workout I realise I 'm awake and before I know it the workout is over . I have less than two months before I go on holiday and I 'm still far from excited . Why ? I feel like I 'm no where near my goal . I said I didn 't have a goal - I don 't , just an idea of what I want to look like and feel like . I had the shock of my life looking through old photo 's of my stomach and I noticed a slight difference ! My brother says there is a big difference 😀 I can 't expect things to change overnight , so I shall keep going . Even looking at a picture of a beach is more than enough motivation for me . I was aiming to make more smoothies , however it turns out my ' Magic bullet ' wasn 't magic after all ! So I purchased a Kenwood Smoothie Maker for £ 19 . 99 from Argos . I had a voucher and it was either a handbag or a smoothie maker . I have used it once and I give it 5 stars , its compact , it isn 't too loud and does the job well . 1 . To stay away from the scales . I was never one to jump on off of scales , but I did give it a go . Within a space of 2 minutes my weight changed 3 times ( my scales are dodgy ) . I will use the one at the doctors one day . I measure myself using a tape measure and keep note of the measurements . 3 . Perseverance is key in all aspects in my life ! ! ! If I can get through a half an hour workout surely I can get through whatever else comes my way . 4 . Jilian Micheal 's is the bomb ! I feel like I have my own personal trainer in my living room . She often reels off motivational quotes during her workouts and it helps me push myself . 5 . I have had my fair share of cakes , biscuits , crisps chocolate and so on . This doesn 't mean I will never eat these foods again . It will be in small doses and on rare occasions . 6 . Health is wealth ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! I took my good health for granted . Recently I was taken a back by some news and it has sunk in now . The bottom line is : looking after myself is so important ! What doesn 't kill me will only make me stronger ! Posted on July 23 , 2014 by Chelle 2 * My uncle 's gorgeous garden a while back . I took these photo 's using my good old 16mp Fujifilm camera . Posted in Random Musings | Tagged Camera , Family , Garden , Good Times , Photography , Photos , Pictures , Snaps , Summer | 2 Replies
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" Kate Lockley . She said she was returning your call . She implied that it was for … " Buffy paused , uncertain of her next choice of words , " personal reasons . Asking her out on a date , to be specific . " " Are you saying that you believe her ? " He asked , his voice low in deliberate inquiry . Crossing his arms over his chest , Angel watched Buffy 's face . Confronted by the soft challenge in his voice , Buffy sighed . She glanced away from him , finding the clear blue sky out the window of sudden interest . " She knew your course schedule , about your work for Professor Johannsen , and about your soccer games on Sunday , " she said quietly , returning her gaze to his face , " but apparently not that you were married . " " Maybe . " Buffy replied her voice tinged with skepticism . Her eyes traced the perfect symmetry of his face : the dark slant of his brow , the straight line of his nose , the firm set of his lips before coming to rest on the dark beauty of his eyes . Without hesitation she acknowledged that she found him both beautiful and irresistible ; it was no surprise that other women did as well . She 'd already seen glimpses of it with Cordelia , the waitress at Ginza Shushiko , and now this Kate . Even Anya had been quite clear that if Buffy tired of her husband that she 'd willingly take him off her hands . Without a doubt , Cordelia was right ; there would always be women besieging him , anxious to please him . He had casually dismissed the women in his past as unimportant ; would he be saying the same thing about her in a few months time ? Was she simply the latest , someday to be discarded like all the others ? " Buffy , " Angel said sincerely , uncrossing his arms and holding them open in supplication . " I honestly don 't know anyone named Kate and have no idea how she got this number . I didn 't ask her out . Let 's just forget about it and enjoy our evening . " Picking up the bag of food , he walked toward the kitchen . " Angel , " Buffy began as she forcibly tempered her anger . She took a deep breath , her gaze on his back . Suddenly she was seized with uncertainty . She was unsure if she wanted to have this conversation , unsure if she wanted the truth . To continue to ignore the issue would be foolish ; but it wouldn 't hurt anyone other than herself . Having a relationship with Angel - real or pretend - had been so wonderful that she wasn 't sure she wanted to chance ruining it . Maybe she should simply adhere to the adage ' ignorance is bliss ' … to have him confirm Cordelia 's words - it would surely break her heart . Realizing that he had turned and was looking at her , waiting , Buffy glanced up at his face . That 's when it hit her . Her eyes grew wide . Her chaotic emotions of the last few weeks were suddenly crystal clear . She knew - in that instant - that she was in love with him . But then , she reminded herself , every woman in his life loved him . And that was ultimately the crux of the issue here . But she had her pride ; while it was tempting , she couldn 't just leave things as they were . She had to know about the other women . Finally she spoke , her words sounding as if they came from a long distance , " Cordelia … she said that you were going to work out something so that you could still see her . Her and probably others too . That you never intended to be … " " Be what , Buffy ? " He prompted softly , frowning . He should have known that Cordelia would cause trouble ; her little act of acceptance of his decision and his marriage had been just that : an act . " Cordelia is spoiled and selfish ; she 'll say anything to get what she wants . " Angel replied gruffly with a touch of exasperation . Did Buffy honestly believe that lying bitch ? He 'd have to have a talk with Cordelia , but he wasn 't sure he could risk doing so before the BCIS finished their investigation . At the very least , he 'd have to approach her cautiously until Maggie Walsh had talked to her . He wouldn 't put it past the wealthy brunette to confess everything about his arranged marriage just to get even with him , should he piss her off . " Well , what she wants and what she claims is hers , is you , " Buffy returned hotly . His answer was too vague ; she wanted a more direct confirmation . " And from what I understand , she believes those feelings to be returned . She said the two of you had a very nice time in Ireland - let 's see , I think her exact words were something like ' romantic ' and ' honeymoon ' . Oh , though , I 'm sure you 'll be happy to know that she 's quite willing to accept that you won 't even be faithful to her , that she 'll have to share you . " Angel 's nostrils flared and a muscle twitched in his cheek . " I see , " he bit out sarcastically , stung by what he perceived as Buffy 's disbelief and accusations . " And you believed her even though I told you otherwise ? I never invited her there in the first place ! None of what she said is true , " he contended , his voice taking on an edge , " she doesn 't know anything about being faithful herself , so she 's the last person that should be telling anyone anything on that particular subject . " In her current frame of mind , where confusion , anger and doubt predominated , his words sounded like those of a jealous lover . Buffy closed her eyes , willing herself not to break into a thousand tiny pieces . She had known from the beginning about Angel and Cordelia 's relationship ; she had simply allowed herself to forget about it in the blissful enchantment of the last few weeks . " Look , " he said on a deep exhalation of breath , lowering his voice perceptively , " I don 't want to argue . Cordelia isn 't an authority on my love life in any sense of the word . She told you what she did because she 's trying to cause trouble . " " Have I given you any reason to think that I 'm still interested in Cordelia ? Or anyone else ? " He advanced toward her , his voice flat . " That I didn 't mean it when I said I wanted to see where things go between us ? " " Did I ? " He bent low so their eyes were level . He didn 't realize that she couldn 't know how different he was with her , how different he treated her from the other women in his past . How different his feelings were for her - especially when he had yet to fully acknowledge them himself . " Fine , " Angel said curtly , the muscle in his cheek twitching again as he fought to control his temper in the face of what he believed to be unfounded accusations . " Believe a stranger , someone that you don 't even know , when she calls and says that I asked her out . Believe Cordelia - a woman that I think you know to be selfish , unscrupulous and a liar . Believe either of them , not me . Believe that , not what you feel , what you know in your heart to be the truth . " His lips twisted ruefully and he quirked one dark brow , " And I thought we really had something here . " " You know what ? I 'm not in the mood for food now or a movie , " he interrupted , brushing past her abruptly as he strode toward the door . He retrieved his keys from the table and opened the door . " I 'm going out to get some fresh air . Don 't wait up . " Buffy had spent the evening after Angel left sitting on the deck and staring out at the lights of Sunnydale with unseeing eyes . Her mood had fluctuated wildly between contrition , hurt and anger . When rational thoughts prevailed , she had to admit that she hadn 't given Angel the benefit of the doubt as she had meant to do ; she didn 't trust Cordelia so why had she taken the brunette 's words as truth over Angel 's ? If their roles were reversed and he were to take , God forbid , Parker 's word over her own … well , she knew she would be more than a little upset . In fact , she probably would have reacted much as Angel had . Once again she shifted in her seat . Trust . That was what it ultimately boiled down to , wasn 't it ? Did she or did she not trust him ? Her parent 's relationship hadn 't been the best example ; her father 's infidelities combined with her mother 's bitterness over their split had taught her to be uncertain and distrustful . Her brief experiences with both Tyler and Parker had reinforced those insecurities . But Angel … Angel was different , wasn 't he ? In just their short time together , she had already seen that . It would be so much easier if only she knew what he was thinking , what he felt . If only she could be certain . When class ended twenty minutes later , Buffy lingered in her seat and scanned through the text she needed to read for her homework . Her classes were over for the day , and the only thing she had to look forward to was another long shift at Patina . She checked the time on the slim silver watch on her wrist ; she had almost two hours . Two hours that she could use to do homework . Riley 's glance veered to the man leaning against the door frame . Dressed in all black , he exuded a confidence that was mildly unnerving ; when he smiled , the lift of his mouth was almost wolfish , his dark eyes narrowing in a predatory gleam as he returned Riley 's stare . Incongruous to the dangerous image he presented was the bouquet of pale pink roses that he held in one hand . Angel had been waiting for Buffy outside her class for almost half an hour before the class had ended . When she hadn 't come out , he had entered the class to look for her . He hadn 't expected to find a drooling puppy at her side with a hopeful expression on his face . A powerful , almost unrecognizable , emotion had assailed him at first sight ; he controlled the urge to curl his hands into fists and strike out at the man . At the first , unexpected glance of her husband , Buffy felt a warm rush of pleasure and that now familiar ache in her heart . " Angel . " His name came out as a breathy half - question . " Buffy . " Angel said simply , turning to look at his wife . Buffy 's way of saying his name never failed to affect him powerfully . It curbed his temper somewhat that she seemed distracted and uninterested in the guy at her side . He pushed away from the door and moved toward her . His gaze drifted over her lazily , taking in the sheer white top with the camisole beneath , the faded jeans that he knew from memory to be snug and low on her hips , and finally her dainty feet in the open - toed sandals with pink - painted toenails peeking out from beneath the hem of the long jeans . Riley looked from one to the other uncertainly , the tension between the pair obvious . He took exception to the possessive look and the proprietary tone in the man 's voice , the thought never occurring to him that the young , beautiful blonde might have a boyfriend - much less a husband . The fact that she wore a wedding band had gone completely unnoticed . Turning to Buffy , he asked in a low voice , " Do you want me to ask him to leave , Buffy ? " Realizing that she had been staring at Angel since she had spotted him in the doorway , Buffy finally pulled her eyes away from her husband to look at Riley , who had come to his feet next to her . " No , Riley . This is my husband , Angel . Angel , this is Riley Finn . " " Finn . " Angel replied mildly , a slight challenge in his voice , as he strolled over to where Buffy still sat . Leaning down slightly , he held the flowers out to Buffy . " Peace offering ? " he murmured softly , dismissing the sandy haired man that was watching them with interest . " Can we talk ? " Taking the flowers from him , Buffy looked at him with a hopeful expression . Her pulse began to hammer wildly and the urge to smile bubbled inside her . " Yes , of course . Now ? " " Now . " Angel answered , reaching for her hand as she came to her feet . " If that 's okay with you , " he amended politely , taking her book bag from her . " It is . I mean , I have almost two hours . " Buffy smiled slightly , butterflies in her stomach fluttering wildly . He was here . With flowers ! Surely that meant . well , something . " You have a Mr . McDonald here to see you , sir . " Eve said crisply , even as her eyes roved suggestively over the good looking man standing in front of her desk . He gave her a wink and a smile as he waited for entry to her boss 's office . " Send him in . " Ethan muttered , setting the expensive Waterman pen aside . In front of him , stacks of paper littered his desk ; a pile of letters that demanded attention set on one side . There always seemed to be some unfinished business that he had had to handle personally ; something he didn 't trust anyone else to handle . Lindsey strolled nonchalantly into the expansive office suite , unconcerned that his casual attire looked out of place in the formal atmosphere . He opened the antique cherry wood humidor that sat on one corner of the desk and took two of the expensive Cuban cigars . Tucking one of them in his pocket , he took a seat opposite Ethan in one of the leather chairs facing the desk . Leaning back , he propped his feet up on the desk and toyed with the other cigar , rolling it between his fingers . " Yes , Mr . McDonald ? " Ethan inquired , noting with disdain the worn cowboy boots and ragged jeans . Leaning back in his chair , he clasped his hands together in front of him . " Have you something important to tell me , or did you simply wish to partake of my cigars and hospitality ? I 've told you before that I prefer that you not come to my office unless I call you . " " Well done , " the wealthy banker muttered , already begrudging the money that he had spent on what he perceived to be such an easy task . He should instead have paid his P . I . firm by the hour instead of assignment . " I suppose I could have taken care of the matter myself . " " Lilah 's closing up the paperwork now on those offshore accounts that you wanted , and I 've tripled checked the background on that hotel buy . By the way , did you know that the owner of the hotel - the one that didn 't want to sell - disappeared mysteriously ? It 's quite a coincidence , should you ask me . " " Ah . The O ' Connor marriage ? " Swiveling in his chair , Lindsey put his feet on the floor . " I 'm still working a few angles on it . " " I expected you to have it wrapped up by now , Mr . McDonald . You assured me that it would not be a problem . " Ethan leaned forward on his desk , his brows rising inquisitively . " The situation is not as simple as you think . Let 's just say , I believe more women than just your granddaughter are willing to do favors for Angel O ' Connor . Not that I 'd mind if Ms . Buffy Summers wanted to do me a favor or two . " " Just do what you have to do to resolve the situation as I requested , " Ethan interrupted curtly . " Preferably this week . I want Angel O ' Connor deported . " He had overheard his granddaughter once again discussing ' Angel ' O ' Connor on the phone just the other day which meant she wasn 't quite out of the young man 's clutches . He 'd since taken to monitoring her expenses closely to assure himself that she wasn 't wasting money on the good - for - nothing Irish bastard ; what more would he have to do ? Lindsey recognized anger and frustration . In his profession , one became a specialist at discerning body language , tone and manner . Ethan Rayne was too immoral to have a conscience , and too mired in illegal activities to be concerned about something as minor as breaking up a marriage ; something else was causing his consternation . Money , he mused , could be one explanation . Ethan was certainly attached to the almighty dollar . Perhaps he thought Angel O ' Connor was planning to steal the family fortune . Family , he supposed , could be the other , noting the picture of Cordelia Chase on the credenza behind him . He no doubt thought that his granddaughter was still involved with O ' Connor . Lindsey controlled the smirk that threatened to pass at the notion of either of the two suppositions ; if only Ethan knew the truth . " Be my guest , " the young P . I . countered silkily , his green eyes glittering coldly . He knew Ethan would be hard pressed to find someone else that he trusted at such short notice . He also knew as much about Ethan 's various business interests as Ethan himself ; something that made him indispensable and invaluable . And exceptionally dangerous - for both of them . " You 're extortion knows no bounds , Mr . McDonald . " Ethan murmured with a hint of admiration . " Is your business partner aware of your predilection for changing the rules in the middle of the game ? " " Just do your job , Mr . McDonald , " Ethan ground out , irritation evident in every syllable . " Now get out of my office . I don 't wish to see you here again unless I call for you . " The bench was tucked behind the art building , near the campus duck pond and gardens . It was off the main path between buildings , and offered as much privacy as could be expected on a busy college campus . The fresh air and sunshine were welcome , however , after a sleepless night of emotional turmoil . " How did you find me ? " Buffy asked as Angel sat down next to her . Her nerves were on edge , as if she were expecting news that might prove disastrous to her peace of mind . " Oh . I guess I never thought about it . " She replied , toying with the petal of one fragrant rose . She knew his schedule by memory , but she never thought he had paid close attention to hers ; it was a pleasant surprise . " So … you wanted to talk ? " " I did . I do . " He corrected quickly , glancing away briefly to collect his thoughts . It was the first time he had ever gone out of his way to apologize to a woman ; he was way out of his comfort zone . " Buffy … about last night … I 'm sorry . " He had only gone as far as Dublin 's pub downstairs , where he had sat in a back corner booth and nursed a couple of glasses of whiskey for the better part of four hours , watching the various sports games in an attempt to distract himself from the anger and frustration that he felt . " You left it off again ? " He mocked , a playful smile on his face . He reached for her hand , his fingers closing around hers and squeezing gently . His expression turned serious , " This is new for both of us , you know . We 'll just have to figure it out as we go . " " Angel ? I … I need to ask you a question , " she said in a hushed , hesitant voice , " and I need you to give me a direct answer . " " Are you … " She paused , searching for the right words . She pulled her hand from his grasp and sat back on the bench as if distance would make it easier . Twirling the silver band on her finger around nervously , she finally asked , " Are you still seeing - or planning to see - Cordelia ? " Buffy felt a significant measure of relief at hearing those words , yet still a corner of her brain demanded more . Her chin came up a fraction . " What about Kate ? Or anyone else ? " " Really . If we weren 't in the middle of campus , I 'd find a better way to convince you of that . " He smiled , reaching out and recapturing her hand . He brought it to his lips and pressed a warm , soft kiss in her palm . " And you ? " " Yes , you . Is there someone else that you want to see ? That guy Finn , maybe ? " He asked much too impudently , his lips curving into a smile . " Um , well , actually I 'm glad you brought it up . There is this one guy . " She answered , glancing at him coyly out of the corner of her eye . " He 's tall . Big , too . And mean . Really mean . " She teased , recalling what Anya had admitted , without a trace of embarrassment , to having said to Angel when he visited Patina . Buffy had been chagrined to think that Angel might believe that was what she was telling people about him rather than something Anya had made up , but the Patina hostess had only smirked in response . " Either . Both . " She gazed up at his face as her hand crept along his shoulder to toy with the short hairs at the nape of his neck . " I … " Angel paused , caught off guard by unfamiliar emotions . He didn 't know what , exactly , was prompting him . He only knew that happiness seemed oddly tangible when she was near . After only a few seconds , he finally found an answer , " As sure as I am about anything . What about you ? " " Yes . I 'm sure . " She said , her heart beating wildly as her eyes searched his . Without thought , she leaned closer and pressed a kiss to his lips . Her eyes closed as they kissed , gently , sweetly . " I would but I have to be at Patina at six . And if we go home … " She kissed him again , a delicate kiss that changed swiftly to the familiar , impatient passion that she adored . She sighed softly as the kiss ended and his lips traced a path over her cheek to her ear . " If we go home I might not make it to work . " " So call in sick . " He urged , his palms drifting down her back as he nibbled on the sensitive shell of her ear . " Stay home with me . " She shivered , goose bumps forming on her arms . She was trying hard to keep from simply sinking in his arms and giving herself up to his kisses . Another few minutes and she wouldn 't care that they were on a bench in the middle of the UC Sunnydale campus . " You 're so bad . Snyder will kill me if I call in only two hours before my shift . " He pulled back and dropped a kiss on her nose . He knew her strong sense of responsibility and her determination to always meet her obligations . " Okay … " Reluctantly he lifted her from his lap and sat her on her feet , then stood next to her taking her hand in his . " Then I 'll meet you at the restaurant tonight when you get off . " Angel was in good humor as he walked through the gated patio and into Patina . He joked with Anya for a few minutes before he made his way to the sparsely crowded bar . He was almost an hour early , so he had plenty of time to kill . Ordering a drink , he leaned against the bar and casually glanced through the shadowed interior of the lounge area . His eyes narrowed as he spotted a familiar figure sitting at a table along the back wall . Picking up his drink , he walked toward the table where the man was seated . Angel ignored the offered chair , giving it only a cursory glance before returning his gaze to Lindsey 's face . " I tend to remember the guys that try to pick up my wife , " he declared insolently , a hint of a challenge in his voice . He vaguely remembered that Anya had mentioned that she was dating Lindsey , but it didn 't stop the irrational feelings that coursed through his system upon seeing the guy in relatively close proximity to Buffy - again . " What are you doing here ? " Lindsey shrugged and held up his beer in answer before taking a healthy drink . " Suit yourself . Though I thought you might be interested in shootin ' the breeze for a while . You 've got what ? An hour or so to wait until the missus is off ? " " Not sure I care to know why you know Buffy 's schedule . That could be … " Angel replied , his smile urbane , his voice too soft , deadly provocation in his gaze . He placed one foot on the chair and leaned forward , " unhealthy . " Lindsey waved a hand to signal the waiter working the bar , " We could both use another drink , " he returned calmly as he gestured for another round of drinks for both of them . He drank down the last of his beer and sat the bottle on the table with a solid thud before returning his gaze to Angel 's face . " It 's up to you , but since what I have to say concerns your wife . " he nodded in the direction of the restaurant where Buffy could now be seen delivering plates of food to one of her tables , " I 'm thinking you might want to reconsider . " " I didn 't know how long you 'd be on the phone , " Buffy said almost apologetically , setting the book aside . The walk home from Patina together had been more than pleasant , as were the kisses that they had shared on the couch after they had arrived home . " Is everything okay ? " " Ah . That 's great ! " She smiled and fell back on the pillows in a playful sprawl . Abruptly she rolled over on her side , her eyes searching his . " That is … great , right ? " " Yes . They 're very happy about it , " he answered , glancing over at the clock near the bed . " It 's late . Are you tired ? " He stood at the side of the bed and held out his hand . Their fingers touched then their hands melded together , their fingers interlacing , " You can sleep here … with me . " His tone was soft , cajoling . " I don 't know . " Buffy swallowed , suddenly nervous . Still , a sweeping rush of warmth swept through her at the thought , at Angel 's warm heated gaze . " I 'm not sure . I mean . " " We don 't have to make love . " He watched her carefully , noting the heightened color in her cheeks . " But I would like to kiss you . To touch you . " Her direct gaze held his for a moment . Without releasing his hand , she reached over with her other hand and turned off the light . Deliberately , she moved back on the bed to make room for him . " Angel , " Buffy ventured softly as she slid into his arms , snuggling into his tall , powerful frame , still tautly muscled despite the lounging pose . His dark eyes were watching her with a now familiar intensity . How would it feel to be surrounded by his potent virility and strength ? To feel him deep inside her ? What would it be like to know him in such intimate detail ? An answering spiral of heat melted downward within her and pooled between her legs . " I want to , you know . That is , I want to make love to you . I just … I 've never . " " I know . Kiss me , " he murmured encouragingly , running his palm up her back to cup the back of her head . Bending his head low , his lips touched her lightly before his tongue slipped between her lips , adding to the heated trail of fire curling inside her . His arms tightened , pulling her more securely against him . Angel 's hands roamed over her body , reacquainting himself with her curves as his mouth devoured hers . He wanted her with a primitive emotion that demanded to be sated ; but not tonight . First , he wanted her trust . He had told her that they would not make love tonight , and he would keep his promise . But soon he would have her beneath him in this very bed . Swiftly , his fingers unbuttoned the white shirt that she wore and slipped it back over her shoulders . He tossed it somewhere off the side of the bed , and his hands returned expeditiously to the zipper on her skirt . Buffy helped him shimmy it down her hips and off to join her shirt on the floor . Reaching for the top button on his shirt , Buffy undid it slowly . Her hands moved with increasing speed down the next few buttons , stopping when she reached his belt . She murmured softly , the sound trapped between their lips . In response , Angel shifted back slightly , and Buffy tugged his shirt out of his pants . Unfastening the few remaining buttons , she slid the slick material down his arms , brushing her palms over his powerful shoulders in a slow caress . Breaking their kiss , Angel shrugged out of his shirt , tossing it aside carelessly . Returning to Buffy , he brushed open - mouthed kisses along her cheek , moving down her throat to linger at her shoulder . He eased the strap of her bra down her arm , pulling the soft silk away from her breast to stroke her bare flesh . A few seconds later , Buffy impatiently unclasped her bra and tugged it off to join the rest of her clothing on the floor . Beneath him , Buffy twined her arms around Angel 's neck holding him close . Their kisses grew heady ; more demanding . When he at last lifted his head , she inhaled deeply , filling her starved lungs . Buffy mewled softly , sinking her fingers into the thick mass of his hair as she gave herself up to the intoxicating play of his lips and tongue , the hot wet suction of his mouth . Her need grew steadily as he caressed then tweaked the tight aching peaks of her nipples , pressing hot kisses to every inch of the soft skin surrounding them as he leisurely worshiped her body . She arched into his mouth , her low breathy gasps filling the room as her fingers clenched tightly , holding him close . He shifted lower , his lips trailing down her abdomen with warm , wet kisses . One hand still stroked her breasts , massaging , squeezing , caressing . He paused briefly when he reached her navel , stopping to circle it with this tongue . The fingers of one hand drifted along her ribs then down her waist to stop at the lacy elastic of her panties on one hip . He moved lower on the bed , parting her legs further to accommodate his wide shoulders . His hand glided along her thigh , over her hip to rest on her stomach , his palm , firm and possessive on her warm , soft skin . Buffy couldn 't take her eyes from his , even as he reached for the elastic on her hips and began to peel the tiny lace panties down her legs . Her breath strangled in her throat even as she lifted her hips and helped him remove her last article of clothing , leaving her nude before him . Her head dropped back to the bed as his fingers brushed her curls , slowly , artfully . He caressed , stroked , and finally probed , his finger slipping inside just enough to tease , to send her frenzied senses scrambling . Under his skilled touch , her body came to life . Her hips lifted in anticipation of each caress , her nerves tightening and her muscles tensing . Angel pushed her higher , caressing the sensitive nub of her clit with his thumb as his finger slipped steadily deeper in her now slick and swollen folds . Leaning forward , he brushed her thigh with a soft kiss . At the first touch of his lips between her legs , Buffy lost all capacity to think . A tidal wave of exquisite sensation surged and swept through her , sending her pulse racing and her heart hammering in her chest . She wanted to protest the intimate act , but instead moaned as the wicked pleasure threatened to engulf her . Her cheeks flushed with embarrassment , but the pleasure he brought her could not be denied . Seemingly of their own accord , her hips writhed and twisted , but his hands closed over them , holding her still . Buffy squirmed helplessly , mewling and fighting for breath as he lapped at her , stroking her with his tongue and showing her the shared pleasure that could be found in such an intimate act . Her embarrassment melted away with the sheer ecstasy as he continued the delicious torment . " Angelll . " His name escaped her lips on a breathy sigh . The implosion of sensation caught her suddenly and a high , keening cry escaped her lips as she fractured ; hurled into a sensual , explosive ecstasy where , for that one blinding moment , nothing mattered but the intense , glorious pleasure . Ignoring the intense ache in his groin , he studied the now still form of his wife . She was gloriously spent , dazed , and without a doubt , sated . His eyes traveled over her naked form with possessive fervor . He dropped a kiss on her stomach as he moved to her side . Stripping off all but his boxers - a small barrier of self - control - he lay next to her , pulling her against his side . " Hey . " Gunn greeted as he opened the door to see Angel , Wes and Doyle . Angel was carrying a brown grocery bag , Doyle held a twelve pack of beer in each hand , and Wes carried a pizza box . The guys had agreed to get together for the Tuesday night game several weeks ago and fortunately , everyone 's schedule cooperated . " ' Bout time , game 's about to start . " " Yeah , Fred 's painting the bedroom . Again . " Gunn answered with a slight roll of his eyes . " The yellow that was in there when we moved in was bad Feng Shui - or so she says - and the previous two shades of blue were not quite the right color to rebalance the room or some such thing . " His expression mirrored his thoughts , as he obviously didn 't share his girlfriend 's objections to the colors or her unwavering perseverance to correct the matter . " Shouldn 't you be helping ? " Angel questioned as he took the chips and salsa out of the bag and set them on the table . Opening a bag of corn chips , he popped one in his mouth , catching the incredulous stares of his friends . " You missed that game ? Can you still call yourself Irish ? " Wes chimed in with a wink , picking up the bottle opener and popping the metal cap off his beer . " That is one uptight woman . " Gunn declared with a shake of his head . " And when did they change their name from the INS ? I musta missed that memo . " Angel searched for the right thing to say . He had married Buffy to stay in the country ; but that seemed so long ago now , things had changed so much since then . Still , for reasons he couldn 't quite discern , he didn 't want to tell his friends that - at least not yet . " So what 'd you tell her ? " " Game 's starting , " Doyle said , glancing at the television as he loaded his plate with a combination of pizza , chips , and salsa . " But I think he 's onto something there , " He added , gesturing toward Gunn with his beer bottle , as he looked directly at Angel , " of course , it 's not hard to figure out , you know . No doubt he 's endured hours of hearing about the wonder that is Buffy when he 's attempting to study criminal law with you that 's led to that conclusion . And that 's without being drug out of bed at the crack of dawn to watch you run off your sexual frustration . " " Oh , Angel , they 're beautiful . You shouldn 't have . " Buffy said with a smile as she took the elaborate paper wrapped arrangement of red and white blooms from him and started toward the kitchen . She inhaled the delicate fragrance of the roses and lilies as she reached for a glass pitcher that was to serve as a makeshift vase . " I didn 't forget … exactly . " Buffy murmured in reply , her heart suddenly beating wildly in her chest . She was taken by surprise that he remembered , since they had never done anything to mark the occasion before . She was also suddenly wishing she had some gift to give him in return . " I thought we 'd go down to the beach . There 's a great hotdog stand at the pier , and if you want dessert , there 's cotton candy . " His expression was playful . He knew though , how much she loved the beach , she had mentioned it several times . " Wow , hotdogs and cotton candy . You 're going all out here , aren 't you ? " Buffy teased , setting the flowers on the counter with a proud smile . Stepping over to where Angel stood , she went into his arms easily , naturally . " Of course . Five month anniversaries don 't come along every day . " He dropped a kiss on her nose , reminded suddenly of his Uncle 's words earlier when he had happened to mention the date and occasion in their brief phone conversation . With a smile in his voice , Giles had said something to the effect of ' when it hits , you 'll know it ' . Not that Angel was exactly admitting that anything had hit . " You look great . " Angel murmured huskily , his eyes drifting lazily over the baby blue figure hugging sundress that she wore . The thin straps revealed her tan shoulders in a way that beckoned for him to slide them down ; the skirt was decorated with flowers , giving it a very feminine , flirty look . " Just wear that . " When they arrived at the restaurant Angel selected , they were shown to an intimate table in the corner near the window with a magnificent view of the ocean and sunset . Dinner was casual but superb , conversation flowed easily , Angel was endearingly sweet , and by the end of the meal , Buffy felt as if she had walked into a fairytale - indulged and pampered by the handsome prince . Afterwards , they took a walk along the pier and then down the beach , enjoying the late fall warmth of the evening and each others company . " This is all a little overwhelming , " Buffy said softly , tucked securely in the curve of Angel 's arm as they sat at the edge of the water on a quiet stretch of beach . In the pink - hued , slowly darkening sky , the lapping of the waves was soothing as were the pervasive salt tang of the air and the melodic and repetitive call of the seagulls . They were familiar sights and sounds that Buffy had always found a calming respite , particularly during her mother 's illness ; now they took on new meaning sharing them with Angel . His eyes , darker in the fading light , met hers . Her head tilted back even further as a tiny frisson of heat crept up her spine at the mesmerizing look . Raising his hand , his fingertips skimmed her cheek before moving along her jaw , barely touching . Bending , Angel lowered his head and brushed her lips with a butterfly light kiss . " I was thinking about you and me . " The barest touch of his lips on hers brought forth the now familiar ache of want . He nibbled gently at her lips , lingeringly before his mouth settled on hers . Angling his head , the pressure of his lips increased as he deepened the kiss . There was magic in the air , surrounding them as desire rose , hot and enthralling and whirled through her . The tip of his tongue traced her lips , caressing . Melting against him , she parted her lips on a soft sigh and willingly delighted in the intimate caress as his tongue slipped into her mouth to twine with hers . " I was thinking about you and me … spending the weekend together … in bed , " he murmured softly , running his palm down her back , stroking soothingly , seductively . His breath was warm against her ear as he added , " Naked . Skin to skin . " The desire that had been building between them for weeks , smoldered , flared then exploded , the flames licking greedily and devouring any last trace of resistance . Buffy twined her arms around his neck , wanting more of the beckoning pleasure . She pressed herself against him in unconscious entreaty , her hips rocking unconsciously against the powerful body intimately pressed to hers , seeking to ease her hunger . Their lips parted for less than a heartbeat before they met again with a steadily mounting , compelling urgency . Tongues twined , sliding sensuously together . Moving one hand to his shoulder , Buffy flexed her fingers in a desperate attempt to get closer . Angel shifted slightly and his muscles flexed beneath her hand , his strength , his body fascinating her . Angel lifted his head , his arms tightening protectively as he looked up in the direction of the noise . Panting softly and still clinging to him , Buffy followed his gaze . A short distance down the beach a raucous group was setting up an evening party spot . The white of Angel 's teeth gleamed in the dark . " I 'll be counting down the hours until the weekend . " He took her mouth in one last , searching kiss before pushing back and coming to his feet . Extending his hand , he helped her up and began brushing the sand from her clothing . She blinked up at him , her eyes luminous in the dim light . Reaching up , she traced the line of his brow with her fingertips . " By my watch the weekend starts in about eighteen hours , give or take a few minutes . " " I need something . For tonight . " Buffy replied , looking in the rear - view mirror , then the side mirror , before pulling away from the curb and into the early afternoon traffic . She had called Willow early that morning and asked if she 'd mind missing their afternoon classes in order to hit the mall and a few boutiques . " Something , huh ? Well that narrows it down . " The red - head laughed in response , glancing at her friend out of the corner of her eye . " Something … " Buffy searched for the appropriate word as she drove through the intersection and turned right , heading toward downtown Sunnydale . Her voice dropped an octave , " sexy . " " Sexy ? Are we talking ' going out and knocking somebody 's socks off ' dressy sexy here ? " Willow asked with an impish gleam in her eye . She flipped down the sun visor and checked her teeth in the small mirror . " Oh - oh - oh ! " Willow squealed animatedly , snapping the visor up and turning toward her best friend . " You mean sexy sexy . So then you and Angel , you 're gonna … you know ? " " I think so . I mean yeah , we are . " Buffy chewed her lower lip thoughtfully as she scanned the row of cars in search of a parking spot . " And I want something special to wear . " " Tonight ? You 're going to - to do it tonight ? " The red - haired girl pointed off to the right , " There 's one . That car 's leaving . Are you going someplace special ? Details , I want details . Well , not all of them , but some . " " I took off from Patina this weekend , so we 're spending it together - just me and Angel . " The young blonde answered as she guided the car into the parking spot along the curb . " I don 't think we 're going anywhere . At least if we are , Angel didn 't say . " " Wow , Buffy , wow ! I knew you and Angel had a thing … you know , a good thing . I 'm really happy for you . " The afternoon passed in a whirl as the two women made their way to the various shops . Buffy tried on dozens of lacy , frothy , silky confections before deciding on a sensual ivory silk gown with a decorative lace bodice , a high side slit and low plunging back . In addition , Willow talked her into buying a light pink mesh baby - doll with black lace trim and a black embroidered merry widow style corset and sheer black stockings . She wasn 't entirely sure she 'd ever wear the latter , but then the thought of Angel 's jaw dropping - as Willow assured her that it definitely would if she wore it - definitely gave her a wicked urge to give it a try . Angel glanced up from the book in his lap and looked out the window . Just as Buffy had requested when she had gotten home , he was staying away from the bedroom while she did - whatever it was she was doing - in preparation for their evening . He had picked up a book to read , but instead his mind had been focused on his now - habitual obsession : his wife . Standing , he paced over to the window and attempted to curb his lusty thoughts . His desire for his wife had grown stronger , if that was even possible , in the last few days . He wanted her more than he could ever recall wanting someone - or even something - before - yet even as he wanted to ease the ache in his body , he questioned if there was something more he could do to make this night special for her . Should he have taken her away , to some romantic resort ? At the very least , he could still take her out to a nice , elegant dinner … but where ? When she came forward , into view , Angel 's breath caught in his throat , his every muscle tensing , rigid with … not shock exactly , but something far greater than surprise . He swallowed hard , his gaze locked on her as he took in what she was - and wasn 't - wearing . The ivory gown clung seductively to her figure , in no way concealed by the diaphanous robe hanging open from her shoulders . Buffy didn 't stop until she reached him , the whisper soft silk swirling around her . Meeting his gaze directly , expectantly , she slid one hand up his arm to his shoulder . Her other palm splayed flat on his chest . Swaying closer , her thighs brushing his , her breasts pressing into his chest , she smiled a sweet , understanding , patronizing smile . There was more than a hint of challenge in her eyes . Her gaze dropped to his lips , " I 'm not hungry for food . " Without conscious thought , he lifted his hands to rest on the gentle curve of her hips . He fought back the desire to simply haul her close , toss her on the nearby table and ease the fierce ache in his body . It was a desire infinitely stronger , more compelling than anything he had felt before . Slipping her arms around his neck , Buffy rose up on her tiptoes and drew his head down to hers . When her lips were almost touching his , she murmured softly , " Stop thinking . Just - " Angel covered her lips with his , stopping her words . The kiss was hungry , demanding as he gave up trying to control his desire for his wife . His hands slid over the smooth silk , caressing her hips before his arms closed around her , dragging her closer , molding her small frame into his body . Cupping her face with his palms , he tilted her face to look up at him . Buffy studied his eyes , seeing clearly the dark , burning passion , the hint of wildness . For her . It was a heady feeling , an aphrodisiac in fact , to know that she could affect him so powerfully . Turning her head , she enticed his lips back to hers with an eager kiss . Her hands swept over the smooth skin of his chest , splayed and touched , searched and grasped - delighting in the feel of the hot skin , the tense and rigid muscles . The long muscles of his back flexed as her wandering hands slipped around him , acquainting herself with his body . Impulsively , she broke off their kiss and ran her mouth down his neck . Her lips and tongue followed where her hands had been only seconds before , exploring and tasting , filling her senses with him . Angel buried his hands in her hair as she moved lower , teasing his flat nipples with small , nipping bites then alternatively soothing them with laving licks of her tongue . Playfully , she traced his collarbone with her tongue , stopping to lave at the pulse beat in his throat for several long seconds before sucking the skin between her teeth . Her hands , never still , danced along his ribs , slipping lower to stop at the waistband of his pants . He froze , breath held , as she unbuckled his belt , then grappled with the button , releasing it with a satisfied sigh . A small groan escaped his lips when she lightly skimmed the line of his erection with her fingers . Glancing up at his face , Buffy could tell that his attention had shifted . His breathing was shallow , his senses distracted by her subtle movements as she steadily lowered his zipper . After only a pulse beat of hesitation , she reached between the gaping material to find him , hard as she expected , yet the velvety smooth skin was hotter than she had anticipated . She dropped a kiss on his shoulder as her questing fingers circled the solid length of his cock , squeezing gently . Taking her time , she varied her strokes , her rhythm and her grip , trying to discern what he liked best ; how to please him . And , she thought wickedly , glancing up at his face through the fringe of her lashes , how to provoke him . Angel 's control grew more uncertain with each passing second ; her every touch , if somewhat lacking in subtlety or finesse due to her inexperience , was guided by instinct and enthusiasm - and was , from his perspective , just shy of heaven . Her body - warm and supple beneath his hands - and , soon , spread beneath him in his bed - would , however , be the ultimate ecstasy . The licking flame of anticipation to take her rode him hard , causing a surge of pure unadulterated lust to race through his body , hardening and lengthening the part of his anatomy that she currently held in her hand . Buffy felt it , her thumb sweeping over the head of his erection to massage the few drops of liquid evidence of his desire into his skin . After a few seconds , he captured her wrist , dragging her hand away from him . Wrapping his arms around her , he pulled her closer . She sucked eagerly on his probing tongue as he cupped her bottom , lifting her into him as he devoured her mouth in a drugging kiss that sent her senses reeling . Completely unresisting , Buffy sank into his arms , reveling in the feel of his body against hers , the silken gown offering no real barrier to sensation . Gasping , Buffy dropped her head back even as she buried her fingers in Angel 's hair in an attempt to steady herself . After almost a minute , he tugged the straps of the gown down , baring her to his gaze . His arm tightened on her waist as he returned his lips to her bare skin . He licked and suckled - torturing the taut peaks for several long minutes , his mouth hot on her skin . His other hand pushed the material of her gown lower , growing impatient when it stalled at her hips - the fitted gown designed to be pulled over her head . Angel drew back and straightened , his gaze fixed on her swollen nipples . Buffy helped him pull the gown over her head . It was only then that she realized that he had somehow kicked off his shoes and removed his pants . As naked as she , he was now standing in front of her . She licked her lips and swallowed hard , a momentary shiver of fear passing through her . Pushing it aside , Buffy reached for him . Angel once more drew her back in his arms , his lips finding hers again as his hands roamed over her curves with explicit intention . She matched him kiss for kiss as their desire rose higher , into a raging , unfettered need . Urging her back on the bed , Angel lifted one knee and parted her thighs . Her breath hitched , tangling in her throat as his knee brushed the sensitive apex gently , deliberately pressing against the neatly trimmed curls with a steady , knowing pressure . His clever fingers replaced his knee as she melted back into the bed . He teased , retreated , only to return and tease again until she was helplessly clinging to his shoulders , just on the brink of climax . The touch of his thighs , parting hers , reinforced the intimacy of the situation and sent her senses tumbling in disarray . Arms braced , Angel held himself over her . He shifted fractionally , and she felt the touch of the hard , blunt head press against her intimately . He moved again , pressing forward , and she felt the hard strength parting her swollen , slippery folds . Beneath him , Buffy tensed . Angel stopped , every muscle taut , and glanced at Buffy 's face . He planted soft kisses on her lips , her eyes , her cheeks , as his hips flexed , sliding forward just a little . He withdrew slightly and she whimpered , clutching at him . Angel kissed her ravenously , his tongue deep in her mouth , plundering . She felt him shift his hips again , his weight settling more heavily on her . After a brief hesitation , he thrust forward powerfully . Buffy cried out softly , the sound captured his mouth . He drove forward , stretching her , impaling her deeply until he was seated to the hilt . She struggled for breath , struggled to comprehend the feel of him , hard and hot and strong , embedded deep with in her , filling her more completely than she imagined possible . Lifting his head , Angel studied her face . He licked away the single tear that leaked from her eye as he murmured soft words against her skin , love words , seductive words that told her how good she felt , how much he wanted her . When he finally drew back and pressed in again , she tensed , expecting the same sharp pain . Instead , she was surprised to feel only a minor twinge of discomfort ; he moved again , slow and steady , and by degrees her defensive tension began to unwind . As she relaxed , the intimacy of the moment captured her . She gradually became aware of her nipples brushing the smooth hot skin of his chest as she writhed beneath him , the delicate brush of his hair against her cheek as he kissed her neck , the hard strength of his legs between hers . Her earlier hunger began to return as passion stirred within her , reignited . She arched wildly , taking him deeper , wanting him more intensely , satisfied only when he thrust harder , faster , even more powerfully than before . She keened softly , sinking her nails into his shoulders as their bodies merged and came together in desperate need . Could one die from such heated pleasure ? She wondered briefly . She would have given anything in that moment to reach the elusive peak of desire that beckoned with steadily escalating urgency . Angel dragged a deep breath into his lungs ; his eyes closed tight as he felt the shuddering convulsions of her orgasm surround him . Driven by a need he could no longer control , an ache that had gone unfulfilled for what seemed like weeks now , he thrust hard and deep . Release came crashing through him with an unsurpassed intensity , leaving him spent and exhausted - and more deeply sated than he had ever been in his life . With the machine turned on to answer calls on the first ring and turned down so that they didn 't have to hear the caller 's voice , the two lovers spent the weekend in blissful , isolated companionship . Angel made Buffy breakfast in bed , and in turn she smilingly fed him from her plate . They cuddled together and pretended to watch TV , spending more time kissing and searching out sensitive spots than watching whatever program was on . They made love often , Angel showing Buffy the pleasurable delights that could be had in the shower , on the sofa and even once , on the kitchen table . Buffy , in turn , exerted a growing assertiveness and growing abandon in her sexuality that Angel found both endearing and incredibly seductive .
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Man , Rimadyl works FAST . Max woke up this morning and trotted ( trotted ! ! ) outside , with scarcely a trace of stiffness , then spent about ten minutes barking at something I couldn 't see with a vigor I haven 't heard in three years , at least . Then I let him in , because five ack emma barking is not a thing in this neighborhood . Although it might become a thing , because Max is groovin ' back to his badass self . No weird memory issues the last few days , either . Now , of course , I feel like shit because all of this must 've been related to the pain his back was causing him . And I didn 't notice . But he 's stoic , so how would I have noticed ? Anyway , I think he might keep going for a few more years , now that he 's able to boink around the yard going BAROOOF at things . * * * *** *** *** * * * Turns out that Bossman had a meeting with The Big Evil Bossman and one of the BEB 's Minions , a woman I used to like and respect until she got too close to the BEB and started acting more like him than like herself . What is it about Evil Bosses ? How do they corrupt the minds of the innocent ? And , more than that , what was Minion doing at a meeting about the NCCU with our Bossman ? WTF ? She has zero CCU experience and doesn 't even run a floor that has to do with our specialty . All these questions will have to wait until Monday to be answered . The upshot of the last meeting was that BEB can 't understand why ( because he too has exactly zero critical - care experience ) we would want heart monitors on our patients in the NCCU . . . . . ..... .... .... . . . . Yeah . * * * *** *** *** * * * I have finally figured out liquid / gel eyeliner . This is a huge deal for me . Back in the day , I wore the shit out of that stuff , but as I 've gotten more mature ( read : as I 've gotten lines around my eyes ) the mid - Eighties Rococo Raccoon Look is less and less appropriate for work . Last night I took some time and figured out a better way to do liquid eyeliner , which involves lining the inside of my upper eyelid , and will try this bad boy out with the green - and - black rhinestone - encrusted glasPosted by Max has arthritis in his spine . His bloodwork was perfect , his right hip is fine , his left hip is all jacked up with arthritis , and his spine - - especially the lower back - - is a mess . He now has the tippy - top super - duper prescription glucosamine supplements from Hades , a bottle of generic Rimadyl , and a bad sedative hangover . Luckily , he 's a meditative drunk rather than the pacing , panting sort . That 's him , passed out with his head on the nice cool bathroom tile . Poor guy . Thank you , first of all , to all the folks who sent / commented with tips and tricks for old , arthritic dogs . The vet says two things : 1 . It 's probable that the trouble with Max 's hind legs is arthritis in his hips . HOWEVER . There is a rare degenerative spinal disease that tends to hit German Shepherds , so he 's going in for X - rays on Thursday to make sure that it 's actually arthritis . 2 . The memory loss doesn 't concern her yet , because it 's recent , sporadic , and correlates with the horrible heatwave here . I am to keep a journal of when he goes blank and , if I get more than five or six instances in the next couple of months , to bring it back to her . My marvelously intuitive brother - in - law might be right : this might be Max saying " I hate the heat and there are ants biting my butt . " Also , he has Old Dog Teeth and Old Dog Skin Weirdnesses , but we 're not going to put him under to deal with them . His heart 's fine , his bloodwork is pending , but honestly ? I don 't see the point in putting a 107 - lb , eleven - year - old dog under general anesthetic to have a couple of minor , benign skin - things removed and his teeth cleaned . They 're not * that * bad . I learned today that the fastest way to get a reaction out of people is to take your very large old dog into a liquor store on the wrong side of the tracks . There 's a store here that sells 471 , a pale ale I particularly like , and so I ran past there on the way home from the vet 's , with Max in tow . I took him in because , in 100 - degree heat , you don 't leave any animal in any car for any length of time . We walked past Mexican roofers with cases of Corona Light in their arms , gang - banger wannabes with saggy shorts and gold teeth and bandannas , and scary - skinny blonde white women with prison tattoos , and all of them were totally silent . Max was prick - eared and perky ; he likes going new places . Not one person said one damn thing to me , the chunky chick in the empire - waisted flowy hippie - dress . Except one guy , who came in , stopped dead in the doorway , and said , " Woah . " I reassured him that Max wasJo I have had One Of Those Days . Worry about work kept me up late last night ; the heat kept me in today . I did some basic grocery shopping , but forgot to get coffee . Max seems better - - of course , because he has a vet appointment tomorrow . Today , a friend of mine whom I love and respect was bitching about how the development of cellulite has kept her from buying shorts . It was dramatic enough that I nearly said something like , " What a coincidence ! I 've been looking for months for shorts that 'll coordinate with the huge hole in my head , the sores I get on my tongue from the prosthetic , and the wires that poke my gums . " Anger from work is obviously spilling over . Tonight I 'm going to read All Creatures Great And Small and eat a pile of toast . Tomorrow I 'll see the Prosthodontic Fairy , then take the Zoaters to see the doctor he once tried unsuccessfully to bite , then come home and make salads and lunch for the rest of the week . It 'll be a productive day , which is better than a day spent worrying and pacing . Something is going to happen soon , I know that . I just wish I knew what it * is * . I do not know what to do . DAJ and I have been chatting prior to her leaving on vacation . She 's got worries about the NCCU , and so do I . She 's the best formal , businessy - type letter - writer I 've ever met , and I 'm good at editing , so we 're going to work together - - after she gets back - - on a formal letter of complaint about what 's been going on . Meanwhile , all of us are going to keep on filling out incident reports and yelling and pointing out problems and inadequacies , and I 'm going to ask for a meeting with the person who 's the head of education for the chemotherapy nurses . I 'm going to throw myself on her mercy and ask her if she thinks it 's a good idea that we , the NCCU nurses , take over chemo administration after our chemo unit moves across the street . I 'm also going to chat with the director of the unit . But , after that , then what ? Here 's the deal : we 're moving the unit sometime later this year into a designated space . Rather than carving out space in underused rooms with borrowed beds and semi - working monitors and pumps , we 're going to have an actual six - bed unit , with * stuff * that works . I 'm holding out hard for central monitoring ( the patients could be monitored remotely in the surgical CCU , but I don 't like that idea for a number of reasons ) and in - room recording monitors . Frankly , not having those two things would be a dealbreaker for me . I 'm also holding out ( dealbreaker again ) for actual written policies as concern staffing and duties , not a make - it - up - as - we - go approach , which is what we 've got . The Big Boss of the Block told me a few weeks ago that the reason we don 't have formal policies yet , after ten months of being open , is that we don 't * officially * open for business until this coming fall . Which makes me wonder what we 've been doing since September . All of this is making me very thoughtful . The Big Boss is a bully and a terror . I 've known this since I started working under him five years ago , and he and I have gone head - to - head on a number of issues ranging from his harassment of other nurses to the way hePosted by For two reasons : 1 . My boss is a moron . 2 . My boss is a fucking moron . Seriously : You should have more than six months ' experience as a working nurse before anybody gives you a managerial job , no matter how brilliant an organizer or genuinely nice a person you are . Because , if you have some experience on the floor or in the unit or in a clinic , you would not : 1 . Double the number of patients in my unit without warning and without giving me any extra resources . 2 . Look at me like a calf at a new gate when I suggest that those of us who might be administering chemo ( there is no policy as yet ) will have to get and maintain competency , and , given that chemo is an entirely different specialty , that this might be a big deal . I walked in today to find eight patients and two nurses , which doesn 't seem like a big deal , until you remember that these patients are in a critical - care setting , we are doing total care on people who are hemiplegic , altered as hell , and tend to have rapid neuro changes , and there weren 't even enough monitors for the patients we had . One of them was on a not - centrally - monitored ancient thing somebody dug out of a basement storage room . This is , as of yesterday at noon , the new policy : fill all the beds imaginable with all the patients we can get , until something breaks . We were damned , damned lucky today that nothing broke . The guy who lingered on the edge of crumping managed not to crump , the woman who has a violent history with us and was actually labelled as a " Do Not Return " ( she was admitted by mistake ) managed not to punch anyone , and we got through the day . Then in the middle of the day , Bossman comes to me to chat about the whole deal , and I bring up the " Oh , by the way , you 're also going to be giving chemo " thing . He truly did not understand why maintaining competency would be a big deal . " There are protocols and regimens in books this thick , " I said , holding my thumb and forefinger about three inches apart . He had no idea . I am not a chemo nurse , and * I * knew that shit , just from being around itPosted by I 'd noticed he hasn 't been barking at the mailman recently . And he needs encouragement to get up from the slippery wood floor ; his back legs don 't work as well as they did even six weeks ago . Today I found him standing in the living room with a " what the hell did I come in here for ? " look on his face . The last week , he 's been standing stock - still and just staring at random times . He 's wuffing at the cats more often , but also staying still and licking their backs and heads more often , which confuses them . When he rolls over for belleh - rubs now , it 's an even chance that I 'll get a look that says fear and confusion versus a look that says rub mah belleh . My boy is old . He didn 't * get * old ; he just suddenly * is * old . One day he was fine ; the next he woke up in a puddle and couldn 't get up easily and started forgetting stuff . His ears still twitch reflexively when I call his name ; it 's just now he can 't remember his name every time . About one time out of three it 's just a sound , not something to respond to . Just now he 's barking at the dogs walking past the house with their humans . If I didn 't look outside , I 'd think he was only a couple of years old , except that the barking stops too soon . All I want is for him to have a good Fall and maybe half the winter . I want him to be mobile and happy without all this horrible heat that forces him indoors for most of the day . If he has to go down , I 'd prefer he go down all at once , like he was hit by a meteorite . God knows he lived through enough to kill most dogs in his first nine months . I remember how apologetic he looked after he got the Huge Nasty Injections in his back muscles to kill heartworms , just after we rescued him : he kept moving from couch to floor to chair to floor and finally back to chair , just trying to get comfortable . I will never , ever be ready to say goodbye to my friend , but I at least want him to be able to enjoy one last cool season , with fog and rain and being Braveheart , before he goes . As I told Der Alter Jo on Monday , it 's a rare morning that I wake up and think to myself , " Y ' know , I really should 've drunk * more * last night . " Call this a rare morning . Also , please butter my ass and call me a biscuit ; I 'm feeling peckish . The Fearsome Foursome ( that 's us in the Neuro Critical Care Unit ) have finished our chemotherapy certification course . That means that , after several hours of hanging chemo under supervision , we 'll be okay to be " chemotherapy resource nurses " at Sunnydale . Our chemo unit is moving over to Holy Kamole sometime this year , which means all our chemo nurses will be unavailable without major advance notice . So Sunnydale will need resource nurses . Which is understandable , but . . . . There are real questions as to what our scope of practice will be . Will we act as actual chemo nurses , hanging chemo on those very , very rare occasions when somebody needs it ? If so , how will we maintain our skills ? What about the safety issues surrounding patient care in our unit if we 're somewhere else , monitoring a chemotherapy infusion ? If we 're both certified and competent ( two totally different things ; the latter has to do with practice , the former with book - larnin ' ) , will we be expected to pull shifts in the new cancer unit at Holy Kamole ? Or are we merely meant as a " resource " in the most basic sense - - somebody to call if a patient has a delayed reaction or a bad IV ? The other nurses in the unit are very upset . Der Alter Jo , who is an intensivist and neuro specialist , is understandably bothered that the specialized unit she signed up for is getting diluted in terms of duties and resources . " If you 're gonna have an intensive neuro care unit , have an intensive neuro care unit " is how I 'll paraphrase it . She has worked so hard to make certain that the CCU 's been utilized appropriately and has gotten adequate staffing , and that the other nurses have all been treated with respect and given resources . I can see why she 's frustrated and angry . The other two nurses we work with are worried about safety and whetPosted by Mary is a friend of my pal Lara 's friend Nikki . Mary is 38 , and was diagnosed two years ago with stage 3B tongue cancer . For those of you who aren 't fluent in solid - tumor staging , that 's not good at all . Mary has been in remission since March of this year . She recently started hyperbaric treatment to help rebuild the bone in her jaw . A word ( or many ) about hyperbarics : When you have chemo , and more especially when you have radiation , to kill off a cancer in your head or neck , everything suffers . All the structures in your head and neck are affected , especially cells that replace themselves quickly , like those in your salivary glands and in the lining of your mouth and throat . Because the treatment is really fucking intensive , and because it kills off your salivary glands , and keeps new blood vessels from forming , things happen after radiation that are decidedly not cool . For one thing , your bone ? Doesn 't heal if it 's injured . It just sits there and rots . Hyperbaric oxygen therapy , or " diving " is supposed to fix that . You sit in a big , huge can , usually with pure oxygen pumped in under enormous pressure ( at least ten times the atmospheric pressure you 'd feel at sea level ) , and that forces pure oxygen into your bloodstream and thus into other tissues . That in turn causes what we in the biz call " angiogenesis , " which is Fancy - Pants Medicalese for Growing New Blood Vessels All Over . " Well , Jo , that 's fanfuckingtastic , " you 're saying to yourself . " What does this have to do with anything ? " Let me tell you : Mary had radiation to her neck and face . She lost her salivary glands . As a result , her teeth are breaking off at the roots . She can 't have them pulled unless she undergoes this hyperbaric oxygen treatment , because the lack of blood vessels in her jaws mean that her face will , and I am not joking here , simply fall apart . I have seen it happen , and it is about the ugliest thing you can think of . Mary 's going to need dentures after this tooth - yanking and hyperbaric treatment is done . She probably has the same insurance compPosted by Unfortunately , her definition of " heavy lifting " and mine differ . Apparently they differ substantially . Before anybody panics , no , I did not herniate through my incisions ( near as I can tell ) . I didn 't tear anything or pull anything loose ; I just did a little too much yesterday . Specifically , I went grocery shopping . See , I shop at this place where the sackers are paranoiacally careful about how they bag up your food . I did * not * take my nice reusable bags with me , specifically to avoid the sort of weight that can be put in those bags . So I got umpteen bazillion bags of groceries , some with one package of rolls or one carton of eggs in them . Also see , I do twenty - pound bicep curls on a fairly regular basis - - sixty of ' em at a time . Plus , I lift more weight than I really want to talk about with my back and legs . I figured that I 'd be golden for lifting umpteen bazillion very light bags of groceries . After all , I can straight - arm a 17 - pound bag of dog food with no problem , right ? Right . Loading a dozen one - and two - pound bags of groceries into the car and then unloading them into the house undid me . I had actual pain for the first time since day two post - surgery : a feeling like I 'd been repeatedly punched in the right side of my gut . I can still tell that it 's there , though it 's not actually hurting this morning . I cannot freaking believe that * groceries * did me in . I mean , yeah , if I had been doing hot naked unassisted power ultimate yoga , or running miles at a time , or trying my usual lifting workout , I could see that there would be a problem . And I understand that the belly muscles are connected to the everything - else muscles . But , really : groceries ? Rotisserie - seasoned , deli - thin - sliced chicken breast ? Eggs ? A carton of milk ? The deep frustrated grumbling you hear is me . Notamus is gonna get his comeuppance tonight . I have on the stove spaghetti sauce - - pasta is one of his favorites , the little weirdo - - with fake meatballs ( soyballs ? ) ( wheatballs ? ) and artichoke hearts . Knowing him , he 's gonna try to snatch a fakeball . I 'm gonna let him . And boy will he be surprised when he realizes that it 's not the sort I usually make , with the egg and the breadcrumbs and the veal and the pork and so on . If I 'm lucky he 'll have a facial expression worth capturing on camera . * nod nod nod * As to why I 'm eating spaghetti and fakeballs when it 's approximately a zillion degrees outside , it 's because I can 't bestir myself to go to the grocery store . When the low is 89F / almost 32C , the idea of hunting and gathering at the local market loses its glow . Things are bad here this summer . Summers in the middle of Texas are always dry , but I 've not seen a summer this dry in my life . Really and truly : there 's not a crop in Central Texas that 's survived this long , and most ranchers in the area and north of here are selling off all their stock in order to pay their bills . They can 't afford to feed ' em , because nothing is freaking growing . The upside is that there are fewer mosquitos than I remember there ever being . The downside is that everything in my yard is dead or dying . The upside to * that * is less maintenance later on , especially when you consider that those of us here in Littleton 's Hippie Quarter aren 't saddled with the demands of homeowners ' associations . Yeah , so : No rain means no grass , no herbs , no grain . No grain means no cattle going to feedlots means hugely high beef prices in about a year and a half , as there will be no mature cattle to slaughter then . No rain and temperatures of over 100F for the foreseeable future also means a dimunition in the number of fleas and ticks and mosquitoes , but also huge grass fires . I am constantly amazed , especially when it comes to summers here and winters in the western part of the state , how people could 've settled here in the first place . I mean , where I live isn 't sPosted by Which wouldn 't be a problem , except the fish ( she says , with emphasis , giving Notamus the side - eye ) was meant for my dinner . This afternoon I told Der Alter Jo the charming story of how Notamus had once intercepted a piece of pepperoni , mushroom , and black olive pizza while it was on its way to my mouth . He got a healthy shark - bite out of it before he bounced off the wall . What ? You try eating pizza when something with teeth is going after it and see what you do . So , tonight , I had made myself a lovely tuna salad with chopped cornichons and shredded cucumber and grated onion and a delicate lashing of mayo . I had planned on eating it with pita bits and maybe itty shreds of veggies . I mixed up the tuna with the mayo ( home - made , by the by , with lemons I squeezed myself and olive oil carefully dribbled into the blender ) and the onion and the cornichons and then turned my back to assemble the other bits of dinner . When I turned around , I found one Notamus eating MY TUNA . * cue frustrated troll noises * So : Notty got two - point - six ounces of tuna . With fixin 's . I got pistachios and wine . HAT is only one letter different from CAT . ( And , post - scriptally and parenthetically , how weird is it that my cat likes sour French pickles ? Because the underlying aroma of his breath is cornichons , overlaid with TUNA . Bastard . ) No news is good news , right ? Right . My incisions itch . I wore pants today , for a short time ; long enough to head to Target to pick up a new water bucket and rug for Max . He 's ignoring them both , being resistant to change . Eventually he 'll cop to the fact that Old Dog Hips are more easily levered from the floor when the feet below them have something to grab hold of , and that Old Dog Mouths like water from nice , fresh buckets rather than two - year - old , scuzzy things , but for now ? he 's ignoring both with glacierlike calm . Two things that shock me today : how swollen Mah Belly actually is and how stupid people can be . I put on a dress that fit fine the day before surgery and was surprised that it wouldn 't zip up past my waist . I figured the belly - swelling was a two - to - three - day thing , at the absolute outside , and that I 'd be back to normal by day five ( which this is ) . Sadly , no . I also figured that , given that we 're getting more and more patients with strokes in the CCU , there would be - - at some point - - a drop - off in the number of people admitted under stroke protocol who later turned out to have such conditions as , say , a torn rotator cuff . Sadly , no . Going over the recent chart audit submissions from here at Casa Del Piles of Sleeping Mammals , I was distressed but unsurprised to see that the guy whose job it is to compile all the charts to audit had , as has been his habit , included a bunch of people without strokes and missed a number of folks with them . A little explanation : chart auditing is one of those things which the Accrediting Agencies require hospitals to do for the accreditation . Because Sunnydale and Holy Kamole are both now stroke centers , it falls on us to audit the charts of people who come in with stroke symptoms to make sure that we 're doing things like telling them to quit smoking , getting them head CTs in a reasonable time , and doing NIH scales . I got volunteered for the job of doing chart audits because I don 't spend enough time already either taking care of patients or making sure people don 't suddenly lPosted by I just saw the first example of Owling I 'd seen on the ' Webs . You have to perch in a crouched position like a bird on something unlikely . I think this might be a new trend at Sunnydale . F ' rinstance , I could Owl on the person who went after Kari with silverware the other day . You do not go after my colleagues with sharp things ; how many times do I have to tell you this ? Number of people who have tried to stab , punch , kick , or bite Jo or her colleagues : 11 . Number who have succeeded : 1 . That leaves ten who have failed . You are not the exception . * beat * * beat * So , yeah . Owling . It doesn 't look as though it 's particularly physically challenging , and I wouldn 't have to lie on my stomach . I could , you know , crouch on the staircase leading to the roof access just above the 9th floor stairwell . Or Owl on the unit secretary , provided she 's in a good mood and not hung over . Or Owl on an empty bed . Or , hell , a full bed , provided the person in the bed isn 't noticing much . Propofol + Jo = Owling Deluxe . * * * *** *** *** * * * In other news , Friend Penny tells me that * everything * weighs more than five pounds and * everything * is below waist height . I am not allowed to lift anything heavier than the first or lower than the second . Even so , I have scooped Notamus up from the floor ( 12 lbs ) ( lower than my waist ) and snuggled him , and the only side - effect I have had is a buzzing kitty on my shoulder . Still , I won 't be moving heavy boxes full of Stuff any time soon . It 's truly astounding what you can feel from just three small puncture marks . The one in the depths of my belly button itches terribly . The one to the right of my belly button , where they did all the actual pulling & tugging , does not - - but there 's an area about the size of a half - dollar , two inches down , that 's about to drive me NUTS . And , of course , I move faster than light when the boys decide ( either singly or together ) that they need to hop up into my lap / belleh . * * * *** *** *** * * * I am waiting for my post - op pictures to show up on Facebook . I hope I photograph , slackjawed and roPosted by ( A little " Sherlock " humor there , special for Der Alter Jo . ) I do this Recovery Thing very badly . First of all , I hate pain medicine . Dilaudid makes me woozy and dizzy , hydrocodone makes me itch , it 's too early to take naproxen or ibuprofen , and whiskey is ten miles away and thus totally out of the question . But I * hurt * , so I end up taking the Lortab as it 's been prescribed , especially after Notamus decides that his fourteen pounds needs to be on my lap right the hell now . And I itch , and it doesn 't help much , and I 'm still stuck with this cat on my tum . Secondly , I have entirely too much energy of entirely the wrong sort . I can 't lift anything that weighs more than five pounds . That makes laundry difficult and taking out the trash impossible , and made folding up the futon today something that I considered , then rejected . Don 't even ask about the gymnastics it took to get Max 's food bowl off the porch and into the house . I suppose I could edit the stuff I 've written for Scrubs , but if there 's anything worse than my writing when I 'm on painkillers , it 's my editing when I 'm on painkillers . All of a sudden , major arguments go away and subject - verb agreement seems not to matter in the least . I become one of those people who insert 's apostrophe 's rand ' omly into word 's . Worst of all , I start adding things that , to my sleep - deprived and drug - addled brain , sound funny . It 's like SNL in the mid - nineties . Thirdly , I am very , very , very grumpy after surgery . Maybe it 's the constant itch ; maybe it 's the inability to * do * much , or maybe it 's the cat walking on the keyboard , but I get foul - tempered and out of sorts . I 've been reminding both the boys today that " cat " is only one letter away from " hat " and that it won 't stay too hot for fur headcoverings forever . It 's unfair ; they 're actually being very sweet , if a bit clingy , but I 'm taking my temper out on everything from bran muffins to ceiling fans that need to be dusted . ( Speaking of cats , Ibid showed up this evening earlier than usual and wearing a cute little pink collar with Posted by My doctor doesn 't do surgery at Sunnydale , because apparently they don 't have the right sort of laparascopes , or the walls aren 't sufficiently lined with gold , or something . So Der Alter Jo and I were at Holy Kamole at oh - dear - thirty yesterday , her limping on a busted knee and me casting the side - eye at everything , for Animal 's eviction . Preop nurse , resident , attending , preop nurse again . More urine , more blood . Cute little backless dress . A fond farewell to being able to bend over easily for a while . A brand - new nurse intern started my IV and did a slammin ' job . I have veins like hoses in the backs of both hands , so when she hesitated between an 18 - gauge and a 20 - gauge 1 . 5 inch IV , I told her to go big or go home . One stick , flawless placement , and she only needed help on taping the thing up . Not so on my other hand , where some Einstein in the OR tried three times on the back of my paw , blew one vein and missed two , and finally did the med - student start on my wrist just below my thumb . Brand New RN Whose Name I 've Forgotten , you rock . Then EKG leads and a KVO rate bag of fluids , then two CNAs came in to introduce themselves and one brought Versed . Then down the hall on a surprisingly comfortable gurney ( why can 't Sunnydale get some of those ? ) , into the OR , which was smaller and more crowded than I expected , and another shot of something into my IV . Aaaaaaand goodnight . The disturbing thing about general anesthetic is the complete lack of a sense of time passing . Your brain tries to rationalize it later , but at the time , you go to sleep in the OR and wake up simultaneously in post - op . I do vaguely remember being extubated and hearing somebody ask if the doc wanted the Foley out , but that moment collapsed into the going to sleep / waking up moment . All I know is that I went into a controlled coma with one set of friendly people and woke up to another set , including Friend T - Bird , who is liberal with the Diluadid . Somebody handed me my prosthetic , which I tried earnestly several times to put in backwards until I figuredPosted by Bloated belly , three band - aids , and a disinclination to move quickly . That 's what I 've got . Oh , and one less unwanted tenant . Can this be all for a while ? Thank you . I 'm sitting here staring at two little packets of Hibiclens scrub . I have to SCRUB MAH BELLEH with one tonight and one tomorrow morning , prior to Animal 's eviction . The nurse at the presurgical testing hootenanny didn 't tell me anything specific , and I was too flummoxed to ask anything specific . She just handed me the little packets and said , " Scrub once the night before , and once before you come in , and prepare to be ashy . " She then looked at me more closely and corrected herself : " Dry . You 'll be dry . You 're already ashy . " So , um . . . what do I do ? I mean , I assume I should pay some extra attention to my navel , since one of the trochars will be stuck through it , and that I should scrub gently , without trying to take the skin off . But should I leave the suds on for two minutes , or something ? Use a black rooster rather than a washcloth to apply the stuff ? Put my right foot in , then out , then shake it all about ? Is there something special I need to know ? Searching " preoperative chlorhexadine scrub " leads me to interesting studies of iodine versus chlorhexadine and a stunning PDF , with illustrations , of how to scrub your horse prior to surgery . Since I don 't own a large scrub brush , I can 't follow those instructions . Ideas ? Is this : Dr . Crane didn 't type and cross me prior to removing El Lumpacito , because there was little chance of his running into any major vessels during surgery . Dr . T decided to do a T & C because , as she put it , there 's a lot of * stuff * in the belly , and better safe than sorry . So , when the type & cross results came up in my email , I opened them expecting to see a blood type of O - positive , which is what I 'd always thought I was . I 'm A - positive . Without , as it turns out , antigens to anything . Given that I 've never had a transplant or a transfusion of any sort , that wasn 't a surprise . The A + part was , though . I had to check in the mirror to make sure my eyes are actually blue . Posted by I 'd like to know what Einstein decided that the first of July would be a good time to introduce new residents to their units . I mean , it 's right before a holiday ( this year 's been especially bad , what with the three - day weekend ) , people are going on vacation , and patients always crump on holidays . Always . It 's one of those immutable laws of the medical Universe : if you have a person who 's had , say , a minor bladder - scoping procedure , that person will choose a holiday ( preferably one with a three - day weekend involved ) to have something completely nuts happen that lands him or her on six drips and a vent . We once had a patient who came in to have a couple of teeth removed prior to some other surgical procedure who coded on the table : it was the day before Thanksgiving . I mean , * really * ? ( Side - eye at Murphy and his laws . ) One good thing about having residencies that last at least five years , which is all of the ones that I work with regularly , is that you don 't get too many bright - eyed , idealistic young medicos on July first . Most of the docs who rotate in and out of the units have been there before and have just been out doing research , or something . They 're the same exhausted , cynical people we 've worked with forever . We do have one rather dashing new fellow ( " fellow " in the academic sense , though he 's also got XY chromosomes ) with a Spanish accent and Italian shoes . He glided in yesterday , did a very thorough exam on one of my patients , then discharged her home without any fuss or muss . It 's nice to see efficiency . I doubt the Italian shoes and silk tie will last through August . I hope the lack of drama does . July is also the beginning of the yearly fiscal crunch for State - funded agencies here Deep In The Heart . Some of my colleagues have simply gone missing , laid off in the face of gazillions of dollars of shortfalls . Others are walking around looking tense about the possibility of losing their jobs . It 's all Manglement positions that are being cut , no front - line staff , but that doesn 't make it any easier . Nobody 's Posted by
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Man , Rimadyl works FAST . Max woke up this morning and trotted ( trotted ! ! ) outside , with scarcely a trace of stiffness , then spent about ten minutes barking at something I couldn 't see with a vigor I haven 't heard in three years , at least . Then I let him in , because five ack emma barking is not a thing in this neighborhood . Although it might become a thing , because Max is groovin ' back to his badass self . No weird memory issues the last few days , either . Now , of course , I feel like shit because all of this must 've been related to the pain his back was causing him . And I didn 't notice . But he 's stoic , so how would I have noticed ? Anyway , I think he might keep going for a few more years , now that he 's able to boink around the yard going BAROOOF at things . * * * *** *** *** * * * Turns out that Bossman had a meeting with The Big Evil Bossman and one of the BEB 's Minions , a woman I used to like and respect until she got too close to the BEB and started acting more like him than like herself . What is it about Evil Bosses ? How do they corrupt the minds of the innocent ? And , more than that , what was Minion doing at a meeting about the NCCU with our Bossman ? WTF ? She has zero CCU experience and doesn 't even run a floor that has to do with our specialty . All these questions will have to wait until Monday to be answered . The upshot of the last meeting was that BEB can 't understand why ( because he too has exactly zero critical - care experience ) we would want heart monitors on our patients in the NCCU . . . . . ..... .... .... . . . . Yeah . * * * *** *** *** * * * I have finally figured out liquid / gel eyeliner . This is a huge deal for me . Back in the day , I wore the shit out of that stuff , but as I 've gotten more mature ( read : as I 've gotten lines around my eyes ) the mid - Eighties Rococo Raccoon Look is less and less appropriate for work . Last night I took some time and figured out a better way to do liquid eyeliner , which involves lining the inside of my upper eyelid , and will try this bad boy out with the green - and - black rhinestone - encrusted glasPosted by Max has arthritis in his spine . His bloodwork was perfect , his right hip is fine , his left hip is all jacked up with arthritis , and his spine - - especially the lower back - - is a mess . He now has the tippy - top super - duper prescription glucosamine supplements from Hades , a bottle of generic Rimadyl , and a bad sedative hangover . Luckily , he 's a meditative drunk rather than the pacing , panting sort . That 's him , passed out with his head on the nice cool bathroom tile . Poor guy . Thank you , first of all , to all the folks who sent / commented with tips and tricks for old , arthritic dogs . The vet says two things : 1 . It 's probable that the trouble with Max 's hind legs is arthritis in his hips . HOWEVER . There is a rare degenerative spinal disease that tends to hit German Shepherds , so he 's going in for X - rays on Thursday to make sure that it 's actually arthritis . 2 . The memory loss doesn 't concern her yet , because it 's recent , sporadic , and correlates with the horrible heatwave here . I am to keep a journal of when he goes blank and , if I get more than five or six instances in the next couple of months , to bring it back to her . My marvelously intuitive brother - in - law might be right : this might be Max saying " I hate the heat and there are ants biting my butt . " Also , he has Old Dog Teeth and Old Dog Skin Weirdnesses , but we 're not going to put him under to deal with them . His heart 's fine , his bloodwork is pending , but honestly ? I don 't see the point in putting a 107 - lb , eleven - year - old dog under general anesthetic to have a couple of minor , benign skin - things removed and his teeth cleaned . They 're not * that * bad . I learned today that the fastest way to get a reaction out of people is to take your very large old dog into a liquor store on the wrong side of the tracks . There 's a store here that sells 471 , a pale ale I particularly like , and so I ran past there on the way home from the vet 's , with Max in tow . I took him in because , in 100 - degree heat , you don 't leave any animal in any car for any length of time . We walked past Mexican roofers with cases of Corona Light in their arms , gang - banger wannabes with saggy shorts and gold teeth and bandannas , and scary - skinny blonde white women with prison tattoos , and all of them were totally silent . Max was prick - eared and perky ; he likes going new places . Not one person said one damn thing to me , the chunky chick in the empire - waisted flowy hippie - dress . Except one guy , who came in , stopped dead in the doorway , and said , " Woah . " I reassured him that Max wasJo I have had One Of Those Days . Worry about work kept me up late last night ; the heat kept me in today . I did some basic grocery shopping , but forgot to get coffee . Max seems better - - of course , because he has a vet appointment tomorrow . Today , a friend of mine whom I love and respect was bitching about how the development of cellulite has kept her from buying shorts . It was dramatic enough that I nearly said something like , " What a coincidence ! I 've been looking for months for shorts that 'll coordinate with the huge hole in my head , the sores I get on my tongue from the prosthetic , and the wires that poke my gums . " Anger from work is obviously spilling over . Tonight I 'm going to read All Creatures Great And Small and eat a pile of toast . Tomorrow I 'll see the Prosthodontic Fairy , then take the Zoaters to see the doctor he once tried unsuccessfully to bite , then come home and make salads and lunch for the rest of the week . It 'll be a productive day , which is better than a day spent worrying and pacing . Something is going to happen soon , I know that . I just wish I knew what it * is * . I do not know what to do . DAJ and I have been chatting prior to her leaving on vacation . She 's got worries about the NCCU , and so do I . She 's the best formal , businessy - type letter - writer I 've ever met , and I 'm good at editing , so we 're going to work together - - after she gets back - - on a formal letter of complaint about what 's been going on . Meanwhile , all of us are going to keep on filling out incident reports and yelling and pointing out problems and inadequacies , and I 'm going to ask for a meeting with the person who 's the head of education for the chemotherapy nurses . I 'm going to throw myself on her mercy and ask her if she thinks it 's a good idea that we , the NCCU nurses , take over chemo administration after our chemo unit moves across the street . I 'm also going to chat with the director of the unit . But , after that , then what ? Here 's the deal : we 're moving the unit sometime later this year into a designated space . Rather than carving out space in underused rooms with borrowed beds and semi - working monitors and pumps , we 're going to have an actual six - bed unit , with * stuff * that works . I 'm holding out hard for central monitoring ( the patients could be monitored remotely in the surgical CCU , but I don 't like that idea for a number of reasons ) and in - room recording monitors . Frankly , not having those two things would be a dealbreaker for me . I 'm also holding out ( dealbreaker again ) for actual written policies as concern staffing and duties , not a make - it - up - as - we - go approach , which is what we 've got . The Big Boss of the Block told me a few weeks ago that the reason we don 't have formal policies yet , after ten months of being open , is that we don 't * officially * open for business until this coming fall . Which makes me wonder what we 've been doing since September . All of this is making me very thoughtful . The Big Boss is a bully and a terror . I 've known this since I started working under him five years ago , and he and I have gone head - to - head on a number of issues ranging from his harassment of other nurses to the way hePosted by For two reasons : 1 . My boss is a moron . 2 . My boss is a fucking moron . Seriously : You should have more than six months ' experience as a working nurse before anybody gives you a managerial job , no matter how brilliant an organizer or genuinely nice a person you are . Because , if you have some experience on the floor or in the unit or in a clinic , you would not : 1 . Double the number of patients in my unit without warning and without giving me any extra resources . 2 . Look at me like a calf at a new gate when I suggest that those of us who might be administering chemo ( there is no policy as yet ) will have to get and maintain competency , and , given that chemo is an entirely different specialty , that this might be a big deal . I walked in today to find eight patients and two nurses , which doesn 't seem like a big deal , until you remember that these patients are in a critical - care setting , we are doing total care on people who are hemiplegic , altered as hell , and tend to have rapid neuro changes , and there weren 't even enough monitors for the patients we had . One of them was on a not - centrally - monitored ancient thing somebody dug out of a basement storage room . This is , as of yesterday at noon , the new policy : fill all the beds imaginable with all the patients we can get , until something breaks . We were damned , damned lucky today that nothing broke . The guy who lingered on the edge of crumping managed not to crump , the woman who has a violent history with us and was actually labelled as a " Do Not Return " ( she was admitted by mistake ) managed not to punch anyone , and we got through the day . Then in the middle of the day , Bossman comes to me to chat about the whole deal , and I bring up the " Oh , by the way , you 're also going to be giving chemo " thing . He truly did not understand why maintaining competency would be a big deal . " There are protocols and regimens in books this thick , " I said , holding my thumb and forefinger about three inches apart . He had no idea . I am not a chemo nurse , and * I * knew that shit , just from being around itPosted by I 'd noticed he hasn 't been barking at the mailman recently . And he needs encouragement to get up from the slippery wood floor ; his back legs don 't work as well as they did even six weeks ago . Today I found him standing in the living room with a " what the hell did I come in here for ? " look on his face . The last week , he 's been standing stock - still and just staring at random times . He 's wuffing at the cats more often , but also staying still and licking their backs and heads more often , which confuses them . When he rolls over for belleh - rubs now , it 's an even chance that I 'll get a look that says fear and confusion versus a look that says rub mah belleh . My boy is old . He didn 't * get * old ; he just suddenly * is * old . One day he was fine ; the next he woke up in a puddle and couldn 't get up easily and started forgetting stuff . His ears still twitch reflexively when I call his name ; it 's just now he can 't remember his name every time . About one time out of three it 's just a sound , not something to respond to . Just now he 's barking at the dogs walking past the house with their humans . If I didn 't look outside , I 'd think he was only a couple of years old , except that the barking stops too soon . All I want is for him to have a good Fall and maybe half the winter . I want him to be mobile and happy without all this horrible heat that forces him indoors for most of the day . If he has to go down , I 'd prefer he go down all at once , like he was hit by a meteorite . God knows he lived through enough to kill most dogs in his first nine months . I remember how apologetic he looked after he got the Huge Nasty Injections in his back muscles to kill heartworms , just after we rescued him : he kept moving from couch to floor to chair to floor and finally back to chair , just trying to get comfortable . I will never , ever be ready to say goodbye to my friend , but I at least want him to be able to enjoy one last cool season , with fog and rain and being Braveheart , before he goes . As I told Der Alter Jo on Monday , it 's a rare morning that I wake up and think to myself , " Y ' know , I really should 've drunk * more * last night . " Call this a rare morning . Also , please butter my ass and call me a biscuit ; I 'm feeling peckish . The Fearsome Foursome ( that 's us in the Neuro Critical Care Unit ) have finished our chemotherapy certification course . That means that , after several hours of hanging chemo under supervision , we 'll be okay to be " chemotherapy resource nurses " at Sunnydale . Our chemo unit is moving over to Holy Kamole sometime this year , which means all our chemo nurses will be unavailable without major advance notice . So Sunnydale will need resource nurses . Which is understandable , but . . . . There are real questions as to what our scope of practice will be . Will we act as actual chemo nurses , hanging chemo on those very , very rare occasions when somebody needs it ? If so , how will we maintain our skills ? What about the safety issues surrounding patient care in our unit if we 're somewhere else , monitoring a chemotherapy infusion ? If we 're both certified and competent ( two totally different things ; the latter has to do with practice , the former with book - larnin ' ) , will we be expected to pull shifts in the new cancer unit at Holy Kamole ? Or are we merely meant as a " resource " in the most basic sense - - somebody to call if a patient has a delayed reaction or a bad IV ? The other nurses in the unit are very upset . Der Alter Jo , who is an intensivist and neuro specialist , is understandably bothered that the specialized unit she signed up for is getting diluted in terms of duties and resources . " If you 're gonna have an intensive neuro care unit , have an intensive neuro care unit " is how I 'll paraphrase it . She has worked so hard to make certain that the CCU 's been utilized appropriately and has gotten adequate staffing , and that the other nurses have all been treated with respect and given resources . I can see why she 's frustrated and angry . The other two nurses we work with are worried about safety and whetPosted by Mary is a friend of my pal Lara 's friend Nikki . Mary is 38 , and was diagnosed two years ago with stage 3B tongue cancer . For those of you who aren 't fluent in solid - tumor staging , that 's not good at all . Mary has been in remission since March of this year . She recently started hyperbaric treatment to help rebuild the bone in her jaw . A word ( or many ) about hyperbarics : When you have chemo , and more especially when you have radiation , to kill off a cancer in your head or neck , everything suffers . All the structures in your head and neck are affected , especially cells that replace themselves quickly , like those in your salivary glands and in the lining of your mouth and throat . Because the treatment is really fucking intensive , and because it kills off your salivary glands , and keeps new blood vessels from forming , things happen after radiation that are decidedly not cool . For one thing , your bone ? Doesn 't heal if it 's injured . It just sits there and rots . Hyperbaric oxygen therapy , or " diving " is supposed to fix that . You sit in a big , huge can , usually with pure oxygen pumped in under enormous pressure ( at least ten times the atmospheric pressure you 'd feel at sea level ) , and that forces pure oxygen into your bloodstream and thus into other tissues . That in turn causes what we in the biz call " angiogenesis , " which is Fancy - Pants Medicalese for Growing New Blood Vessels All Over . " Well , Jo , that 's fanfuckingtastic , " you 're saying to yourself . " What does this have to do with anything ? " Let me tell you : Mary had radiation to her neck and face . She lost her salivary glands . As a result , her teeth are breaking off at the roots . She can 't have them pulled unless she undergoes this hyperbaric oxygen treatment , because the lack of blood vessels in her jaws mean that her face will , and I am not joking here , simply fall apart . I have seen it happen , and it is about the ugliest thing you can think of . Mary 's going to need dentures after this tooth - yanking and hyperbaric treatment is done . She probably has the same insurance compPosted by Unfortunately , her definition of " heavy lifting " and mine differ . Apparently they differ substantially . Before anybody panics , no , I did not herniate through my incisions ( near as I can tell ) . I didn 't tear anything or pull anything loose ; I just did a little too much yesterday . Specifically , I went grocery shopping . See , I shop at this place where the sackers are paranoiacally careful about how they bag up your food . I did * not * take my nice reusable bags with me , specifically to avoid the sort of weight that can be put in those bags . So I got umpteen bazillion bags of groceries , some with one package of rolls or one carton of eggs in them . Also see , I do twenty - pound bicep curls on a fairly regular basis - - sixty of ' em at a time . Plus , I lift more weight than I really want to talk about with my back and legs . I figured that I 'd be golden for lifting umpteen bazillion very light bags of groceries . After all , I can straight - arm a 17 - pound bag of dog food with no problem , right ? Right . Loading a dozen one - and two - pound bags of groceries into the car and then unloading them into the house undid me . I had actual pain for the first time since day two post - surgery : a feeling like I 'd been repeatedly punched in the right side of my gut . I can still tell that it 's there , though it 's not actually hurting this morning . I cannot freaking believe that * groceries * did me in . I mean , yeah , if I had been doing hot naked unassisted power ultimate yoga , or running miles at a time , or trying my usual lifting workout , I could see that there would be a problem . And I understand that the belly muscles are connected to the everything - else muscles . But , really : groceries ? Rotisserie - seasoned , deli - thin - sliced chicken breast ? Eggs ? A carton of milk ? The deep frustrated grumbling you hear is me . Notamus is gonna get his comeuppance tonight . I have on the stove spaghetti sauce - - pasta is one of his favorites , the little weirdo - - with fake meatballs ( soyballs ? ) ( wheatballs ? ) and artichoke hearts . Knowing him , he 's gonna try to snatch a fakeball . I 'm gonna let him . And boy will he be surprised when he realizes that it 's not the sort I usually make , with the egg and the breadcrumbs and the veal and the pork and so on . If I 'm lucky he 'll have a facial expression worth capturing on camera . * nod nod nod * As to why I 'm eating spaghetti and fakeballs when it 's approximately a zillion degrees outside , it 's because I can 't bestir myself to go to the grocery store . When the low is 89F / almost 32C , the idea of hunting and gathering at the local market loses its glow . Things are bad here this summer . Summers in the middle of Texas are always dry , but I 've not seen a summer this dry in my life . Really and truly : there 's not a crop in Central Texas that 's survived this long , and most ranchers in the area and north of here are selling off all their stock in order to pay their bills . They can 't afford to feed ' em , because nothing is freaking growing . The upside is that there are fewer mosquitos than I remember there ever being . The downside is that everything in my yard is dead or dying . The upside to * that * is less maintenance later on , especially when you consider that those of us here in Littleton 's Hippie Quarter aren 't saddled with the demands of homeowners ' associations . Yeah , so : No rain means no grass , no herbs , no grain . No grain means no cattle going to feedlots means hugely high beef prices in about a year and a half , as there will be no mature cattle to slaughter then . No rain and temperatures of over 100F for the foreseeable future also means a dimunition in the number of fleas and ticks and mosquitoes , but also huge grass fires . I am constantly amazed , especially when it comes to summers here and winters in the western part of the state , how people could 've settled here in the first place . I mean , where I live isn 't sPosted by Which wouldn 't be a problem , except the fish ( she says , with emphasis , giving Notamus the side - eye ) was meant for my dinner . This afternoon I told Der Alter Jo the charming story of how Notamus had once intercepted a piece of pepperoni , mushroom , and black olive pizza while it was on its way to my mouth . He got a healthy shark - bite out of it before he bounced off the wall . What ? You try eating pizza when something with teeth is going after it and see what you do . So , tonight , I had made myself a lovely tuna salad with chopped cornichons and shredded cucumber and grated onion and a delicate lashing of mayo . I had planned on eating it with pita bits and maybe itty shreds of veggies . I mixed up the tuna with the mayo ( home - made , by the by , with lemons I squeezed myself and olive oil carefully dribbled into the blender ) and the onion and the cornichons and then turned my back to assemble the other bits of dinner . When I turned around , I found one Notamus eating MY TUNA . * cue frustrated troll noises * So : Notty got two - point - six ounces of tuna . With fixin 's . I got pistachios and wine . HAT is only one letter different from CAT . ( And , post - scriptally and parenthetically , how weird is it that my cat likes sour French pickles ? Because the underlying aroma of his breath is cornichons , overlaid with TUNA . Bastard . ) No news is good news , right ? Right . My incisions itch . I wore pants today , for a short time ; long enough to head to Target to pick up a new water bucket and rug for Max . He 's ignoring them both , being resistant to change . Eventually he 'll cop to the fact that Old Dog Hips are more easily levered from the floor when the feet below them have something to grab hold of , and that Old Dog Mouths like water from nice , fresh buckets rather than two - year - old , scuzzy things , but for now ? he 's ignoring both with glacierlike calm . Two things that shock me today : how swollen Mah Belly actually is and how stupid people can be . I put on a dress that fit fine the day before surgery and was surprised that it wouldn 't zip up past my waist . I figured the belly - swelling was a two - to - three - day thing , at the absolute outside , and that I 'd be back to normal by day five ( which this is ) . Sadly , no . I also figured that , given that we 're getting more and more patients with strokes in the CCU , there would be - - at some point - - a drop - off in the number of people admitted under stroke protocol who later turned out to have such conditions as , say , a torn rotator cuff . Sadly , no . Going over the recent chart audit submissions from here at Casa Del Piles of Sleeping Mammals , I was distressed but unsurprised to see that the guy whose job it is to compile all the charts to audit had , as has been his habit , included a bunch of people without strokes and missed a number of folks with them . A little explanation : chart auditing is one of those things which the Accrediting Agencies require hospitals to do for the accreditation . Because Sunnydale and Holy Kamole are both now stroke centers , it falls on us to audit the charts of people who come in with stroke symptoms to make sure that we 're doing things like telling them to quit smoking , getting them head CTs in a reasonable time , and doing NIH scales . I got volunteered for the job of doing chart audits because I don 't spend enough time already either taking care of patients or making sure people don 't suddenly lPosted by I just saw the first example of Owling I 'd seen on the ' Webs . You have to perch in a crouched position like a bird on something unlikely . I think this might be a new trend at Sunnydale . F ' rinstance , I could Owl on the person who went after Kari with silverware the other day . You do not go after my colleagues with sharp things ; how many times do I have to tell you this ? Number of people who have tried to stab , punch , kick , or bite Jo or her colleagues : 11 . Number who have succeeded : 1 . That leaves ten who have failed . You are not the exception . * beat * * beat * So , yeah . Owling . It doesn 't look as though it 's particularly physically challenging , and I wouldn 't have to lie on my stomach . I could , you know , crouch on the staircase leading to the roof access just above the 9th floor stairwell . Or Owl on the unit secretary , provided she 's in a good mood and not hung over . Or Owl on an empty bed . Or , hell , a full bed , provided the person in the bed isn 't noticing much . Propofol + Jo = Owling Deluxe . * * * *** *** *** * * * In other news , Friend Penny tells me that * everything * weighs more than five pounds and * everything * is below waist height . I am not allowed to lift anything heavier than the first or lower than the second . Even so , I have scooped Notamus up from the floor ( 12 lbs ) ( lower than my waist ) and snuggled him , and the only side - effect I have had is a buzzing kitty on my shoulder . Still , I won 't be moving heavy boxes full of Stuff any time soon . It 's truly astounding what you can feel from just three small puncture marks . The one in the depths of my belly button itches terribly . The one to the right of my belly button , where they did all the actual pulling & tugging , does not - - but there 's an area about the size of a half - dollar , two inches down , that 's about to drive me NUTS . And , of course , I move faster than light when the boys decide ( either singly or together ) that they need to hop up into my lap / belleh . * * * *** *** *** * * * I am waiting for my post - op pictures to show up on Facebook . I hope I photograph , slackjawed and roPosted by ( A little " Sherlock " humor there , special for Der Alter Jo . ) I do this Recovery Thing very badly . First of all , I hate pain medicine . Dilaudid makes me woozy and dizzy , hydrocodone makes me itch , it 's too early to take naproxen or ibuprofen , and whiskey is ten miles away and thus totally out of the question . But I * hurt * , so I end up taking the Lortab as it 's been prescribed , especially after Notamus decides that his fourteen pounds needs to be on my lap right the hell now . And I itch , and it doesn 't help much , and I 'm still stuck with this cat on my tum . Secondly , I have entirely too much energy of entirely the wrong sort . I can 't lift anything that weighs more than five pounds . That makes laundry difficult and taking out the trash impossible , and made folding up the futon today something that I considered , then rejected . Don 't even ask about the gymnastics it took to get Max 's food bowl off the porch and into the house . I suppose I could edit the stuff I 've written for Scrubs , but if there 's anything worse than my writing when I 'm on painkillers , it 's my editing when I 'm on painkillers . All of a sudden , major arguments go away and subject - verb agreement seems not to matter in the least . I become one of those people who insert 's apostrophe 's rand ' omly into word 's . Worst of all , I start adding things that , to my sleep - deprived and drug - addled brain , sound funny . It 's like SNL in the mid - nineties . Thirdly , I am very , very , very grumpy after surgery . Maybe it 's the constant itch ; maybe it 's the inability to * do * much , or maybe it 's the cat walking on the keyboard , but I get foul - tempered and out of sorts . I 've been reminding both the boys today that " cat " is only one letter away from " hat " and that it won 't stay too hot for fur headcoverings forever . It 's unfair ; they 're actually being very sweet , if a bit clingy , but I 'm taking my temper out on everything from bran muffins to ceiling fans that need to be dusted . ( Speaking of cats , Ibid showed up this evening earlier than usual and wearing a cute little pink collar with Posted by My doctor doesn 't do surgery at Sunnydale , because apparently they don 't have the right sort of laparascopes , or the walls aren 't sufficiently lined with gold , or something . So Der Alter Jo and I were at Holy Kamole at oh - dear - thirty yesterday , her limping on a busted knee and me casting the side - eye at everything , for Animal 's eviction . Preop nurse , resident , attending , preop nurse again . More urine , more blood . Cute little backless dress . A fond farewell to being able to bend over easily for a while . A brand - new nurse intern started my IV and did a slammin ' job . I have veins like hoses in the backs of both hands , so when she hesitated between an 18 - gauge and a 20 - gauge 1 . 5 inch IV , I told her to go big or go home . One stick , flawless placement , and she only needed help on taping the thing up . Not so on my other hand , where some Einstein in the OR tried three times on the back of my paw , blew one vein and missed two , and finally did the med - student start on my wrist just below my thumb . Brand New RN Whose Name I 've Forgotten , you rock . Then EKG leads and a KVO rate bag of fluids , then two CNAs came in to introduce themselves and one brought Versed . Then down the hall on a surprisingly comfortable gurney ( why can 't Sunnydale get some of those ? ) , into the OR , which was smaller and more crowded than I expected , and another shot of something into my IV . Aaaaaaand goodnight . The disturbing thing about general anesthetic is the complete lack of a sense of time passing . Your brain tries to rationalize it later , but at the time , you go to sleep in the OR and wake up simultaneously in post - op . I do vaguely remember being extubated and hearing somebody ask if the doc wanted the Foley out , but that moment collapsed into the going to sleep / waking up moment . All I know is that I went into a controlled coma with one set of friendly people and woke up to another set , including Friend T - Bird , who is liberal with the Diluadid . Somebody handed me my prosthetic , which I tried earnestly several times to put in backwards until I figuredPosted by Bloated belly , three band - aids , and a disinclination to move quickly . That 's what I 've got . Oh , and one less unwanted tenant . Can this be all for a while ? Thank you . I 'm sitting here staring at two little packets of Hibiclens scrub . I have to SCRUB MAH BELLEH with one tonight and one tomorrow morning , prior to Animal 's eviction . The nurse at the presurgical testing hootenanny didn 't tell me anything specific , and I was too flummoxed to ask anything specific . She just handed me the little packets and said , " Scrub once the night before , and once before you come in , and prepare to be ashy . " She then looked at me more closely and corrected herself : " Dry . You 'll be dry . You 're already ashy . " So , um . . . what do I do ? I mean , I assume I should pay some extra attention to my navel , since one of the trochars will be stuck through it , and that I should scrub gently , without trying to take the skin off . But should I leave the suds on for two minutes , or something ? Use a black rooster rather than a washcloth to apply the stuff ? Put my right foot in , then out , then shake it all about ? Is there something special I need to know ? Searching " preoperative chlorhexadine scrub " leads me to interesting studies of iodine versus chlorhexadine and a stunning PDF , with illustrations , of how to scrub your horse prior to surgery . Since I don 't own a large scrub brush , I can 't follow those instructions . Ideas ? Is this : Dr . Crane didn 't type and cross me prior to removing El Lumpacito , because there was little chance of his running into any major vessels during surgery . Dr . T decided to do a T & C because , as she put it , there 's a lot of * stuff * in the belly , and better safe than sorry . So , when the type & cross results came up in my email , I opened them expecting to see a blood type of O - positive , which is what I 'd always thought I was . I 'm A - positive . Without , as it turns out , antigens to anything . Given that I 've never had a transplant or a transfusion of any sort , that wasn 't a surprise . The A + part was , though . I had to check in the mirror to make sure my eyes are actually blue . Posted by I 'd like to know what Einstein decided that the first of July would be a good time to introduce new residents to their units . I mean , it 's right before a holiday ( this year 's been especially bad , what with the three - day weekend ) , people are going on vacation , and patients always crump on holidays . Always . It 's one of those immutable laws of the medical Universe : if you have a person who 's had , say , a minor bladder - scoping procedure , that person will choose a holiday ( preferably one with a three - day weekend involved ) to have something completely nuts happen that lands him or her on six drips and a vent . We once had a patient who came in to have a couple of teeth removed prior to some other surgical procedure who coded on the table : it was the day before Thanksgiving . I mean , * really * ? ( Side - eye at Murphy and his laws . ) One good thing about having residencies that last at least five years , which is all of the ones that I work with regularly , is that you don 't get too many bright - eyed , idealistic young medicos on July first . Most of the docs who rotate in and out of the units have been there before and have just been out doing research , or something . They 're the same exhausted , cynical people we 've worked with forever . We do have one rather dashing new fellow ( " fellow " in the academic sense , though he 's also got XY chromosomes ) with a Spanish accent and Italian shoes . He glided in yesterday , did a very thorough exam on one of my patients , then discharged her home without any fuss or muss . It 's nice to see efficiency . I doubt the Italian shoes and silk tie will last through August . I hope the lack of drama does . July is also the beginning of the yearly fiscal crunch for State - funded agencies here Deep In The Heart . Some of my colleagues have simply gone missing , laid off in the face of gazillions of dollars of shortfalls . Others are walking around looking tense about the possibility of losing their jobs . It 's all Manglement positions that are being cut , no front - line staff , but that doesn 't make it any easier . Nobody 's Posted by
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by TNM & O ( Texas , New Mexico and Oklahoma ) . Unlike on airlines , my luggage wasn 't inspected , but somebody told me later that baggage is definitely inspected on some intercity bus routes , because drivers have been attacked . In the Denver bus terminal , I remember hearing an announcement about inspections for a Kansas City bound bus . I think inspections only apply to carry - on , which I didn 't have anyway . I had reserved a room at the Comfort Inn , in downtown Denver , at 401 17th Street . The Trip Planner told me to walk over to Champa Street and ride a # 48 bus down one block to 18th , then walk to 16th and ride the " Mall Loop " over to 16th & Tremont . I was then to walk to the hotel at 17th and Tremont . This seemed unduly cumbersome to me , so I decided to simply walk down Curtis to 17th Street , and follow 17th to the hotel address , wheeling my suitcase behind me . I got to the hotel all right , if a bit weary , and checked in . The first thing I realized was that I should have walked to 16th & Curtis and taken my first Denver bus ride on the Mall Free Shuttle . Denver 's Car - Free Shopping Mall In downtown Denver , 16th Street is a bus and pedestrian mall for 20 blocks between the Civic Center and the Union Station AMTRAK . There are two bus lanes in the mall , one in each direction . These lanes are reserved for the Mall Free Shuttle only ; all other buses run on non - mall streets . Buses and light rail lines cross the mall . The mall lanes are also available to emergency and police vehicles . No cars or bicycles are allowed in the bus lanes . There is no parking for cars anywhere on the mall . Picture : 0718071840 The buses are single unit , not articulated , and may be a little larger than the usual 40 ' bus . They have 4 doors , on one side only . People get on and off rapidly at the stops on each block . Riding the Mall Shuttle is totally free . I found the buses heavily used ; several times , I decided to wait for the next bus when one pulled up too full for me to board . All kinds of people ride - tourists , shoppers , bums and business suits . There are about 15 seats , all side - facing and marked priority for seniors . Most riders are willing to stand , because trips are short . There are plenty of posts , grab - bars and straps . To ride the Free Mall Shuttle , one waits at a distinctive kiosk at a street corner on the mall , for no more than 10 minutes . All 4 doors open ; one may use any door to enter . The front door is a single panel . The other doors are double panels , which slide apart against the outside of the bus . Here 's a full description of the Mall shuttle bus system . A sign in big letters along the top side of each bus announces " Hybrid Electric / Alternative Fuel Vehicle . " These buses are hybrid diesel - electric , with the diesel engine burning compressed natural gas ( CNG ) , stored in a tank on top of the bus . The mall buses are made in Denver , by a company called TRANSTEQ . The driver sits up front , in a cubicle on the right - probably the better to watch the doors . The engine is to his left . The TRANSTEQ website http : / / www . transteq . com / says the engine is a 70 horsepower 2 . 5 liter Ford industrial engine , which charges batteries which power a pair of 220 horsepower electric motors which drive the wheels . The buses are rubber - tired vehicles ; no rails are used in the mall . The engine is not very loud , but runs nearly all the time at the same rate . Most of the bus noise is the whine from the electric motors . Overall mall bus noise is a minor component of the general downtown background . Some parts of the mall have just the two bus lanes , sidewalks and the stores on both sides of the street . In other parts , there is a median area between the bus lanes , with benches , tables , kiosks and space for pushcart vendors . A sign forbids bicycles from the bus lanes , but this rule is widely ignored - especially by the kids . Sometimes I saw a police car parked on the median area . One time , I saw a paramedic van use a bus lane - no lights or siren . It 's easy to pull off the bus lane , onto the sidewalk or the median area . I saw a wheelchair board the Free Mall Shuttle . At the second door from the front , a ramp flops out to drop on the curb . The bus operator has to get out of the bus to operate the ramp . There are securing straps inside the bus , but they are seldom used , probably because the mall is level and smooth and the trips are typically short . An automatic voice announcement on the bus identifies the current stop , and the next one . The announcements , in a woman 's voice , are very clear and system works well most of the time . Once , the operator must have pushed the wrong button at the start of a run , and the announcements came out for the stops at the other end of the mall . This amused some of the riders , and was quickly corrected . I had dinner at " Bravo ! " , a nice Italian restaurant - - on the mall . Its windows provided an interesting view of the mall activity . There was a " cattle industry " convention in town . I could see many well - tanned men with cowboy hats , and big buckles on their jeans . There are plenty of cars in downtown Denver . The streets feeding the mall have metered parking , and there 's more metered parking elsewhere . Many free - enterprise parking lots are operation . I saw the entrance ramp to at least one underground lot , near the 16th Street Mall . I saw posted daily rates of $ 3 and $ 4 . 40 and $ 60 / month for surface lots . One of the tall buildings downtown is the Qwest Office Tower . Next to it is a huge parking garage , at least 8 levels . I could see that the top level was fully occupied ( this was on Friday ) . I guess people who work in the Qwest building don 't ride much public transit . The next morning , I started out exploring the regular scheduled buses . I found a bus stop on 17th , near my hotel . It was marked " X " . Other stops were marked " Y " and " Z " ; I suppose this letter coding was for some common attribute of the buses which service the stop . My " X " stop listed bus lines # 2 , # 9 , # 15 , # 15L , # 20 , # 50 and # 16L . Before I left home , I had used the RTD website to buy several booklets of 10 - ride tickets , at the senior " regional discount " price . They had arrived by mail and I had them ready to use . Later , I found I could buy more booklets at the downtown RTD store , but it turned out that I had bought enough for the trip . When a # 15 bus arrived , I boarded it and slid one of my tickets into the bill slot on the fare box . The driver greeted me with a smile and offered a transfer , which I declined . The bus was a typical 40 ' city bus , made by the Canadian manufacturer Orion . Most RTD buses are Orions . I saw several Gilligs , from Hayward , California . I couldn 't identify any other manufacturers . Orion supplies buses to New York City , including NYC 's hybrid buses . The Denver Orions I saw were all regular ( clean ? ) diesels . http : / / en . wikipedia . org / wiki / Orion _ Bus _ Industries This Orion bus was a low - floor model , with small platforms over the wheel wells . Side facing seats up front were convenient for seniors . There were no high seats . The bus passed the domed building of the Colorado State Capitol and proceeded out on Colfax . The neighborhood started looking a little downscale , with fast food , convenience stores and other small businesses . The side streets were all residential . I decided to pull the cord to get off at High & Colfax . Adopt - a - Stop I noticed that the trash barrel at the stop where I got off had a sign " Adopted by William Tell " . Later , I saw other trash barrels similarly marked ( usually with the name of a business ) . Maybe the stop adopters buy the barrel or empty its contents . Other barrels were marked as sponsored by the Denver Business Improvement District ( BID ) . None of the stops I saw were especially vandalized ; maybe the stop adopters take care of that . Not Getting Lost To avoid getting lost during such investigations of unfamiliar bus systems , my policy after riding a random bus is to return via the same bus line , unless I 'm very sure another line will take me close to my starting point . I found a stop across the street and used another ticket to get a ride back downtown on a # 15 bus . I later learned that I could not have used the offered transfer , because they 're not valid on the opposite direction of the same line . Later , I rode the Mall Bus some more . I noticed a sign saying that in 2003 , RTD had been voted the " best transit agency in North America " . Not clear who did the voting . I rode the Mall Bus to California Street , where the northbound light rail crosses . Like most Denver light rail stations , this one gave basic shelter - a roof and a few benches . Stations are not enclosed . They would be uncomfortable for waiting in a cold storm wind . There was a ticket vending machine and a validator . I pulled out one of my pre - purchased tickets and inserted it into the validator to get a stamp with the day 's date and the time at which the ticket expires . On another day , I bought a ticket just to see how the vending machine works . In that case , the ticket came out with an expiration time already stamped . One gets about 1 . 5 hours within which to ride - I suppose that 's about the longest possible light rail trip . With my validated ticket in hand , I boarded a northbound train . There were three cars ( some trains have two ) . Each car has 4 doors on one side and 4 doors on the other . Only one side 's doors open at a station . Doors are opened and closed by the train operator , but there is a button on the outside of the car which can be pressed to open just the one door , in some conditions . The seats in light rail cars face forward or backward . There is plenty of room between facing pairs . I usually tried to get the one single seat near a door , or one of the window seats of a facing pair . For standees , there are grab bars and hanging straps . All the light rail cars are air - conditioned . They get their electric power from an overhead wire . One must climb up three steps to board . Wheelchairs must use a special ramp at one end of the station , where the first car stops . At the first door , a " bridge " panel can be dropped over the stairs , allowing a wheelchair to roll directly on board . I never saw this used . I suppose it requires intervention from the train operator . At 8 : 45am , I was riding the D - line out of central Denver . We crossed Cherry Creek south of town . This is a " daylighted " creek , running in a channel cut about 10 feet below road level . There were two bike paths along the creek , one on each side . Flowing water sparkled in the sunshine as the train crossed the creek . We stopped at the Auraria station , which is the campus for several schools . The next station was Osage . After that , the train picked up speed and we began passing through industrial areas and railroad yards . The light rail runs mostly on the surface . The only tunnels are quite short , mainly underpasses . There are no real subways . In some places , the train is elevated to avoid multiple intersections with roads or rail lines . The stations outside the central city all have parking lots . At the Englewood Civic Center , there was a huge multi - level parking garage . There were buses serving these stations , but apparently it is thought necessary to offer " park - N - ride " to attract riders . I got off at the Aurora station and examined the entrances to the parking lot . There was no evidence of collection of parking fees . All the lots were free . In the Bay Area , BART is starting to charge for parking in the lots at their stations . I think it sends the wrong message when there 's a fare to pay for riding the train , but the parking is free . There are no bridges or tunnels for riders to get across tracks to the other side or to the station exit . The tracks are recessed into the concrete . Riders just walk across , being careful to look for approaching trains . I guess RTD has a good safety record . At 9 : 00am , I decided to get off at the Oxford station , and wait for a D - line going back North into Denver . In the nearby ( heavy ) rail yards , I saw a BNSF train , with about 100 cars piled high with coal . The train was just sitting there , parked ready to deliver fuel to some power plant when required . Light Rail has a big support facility south of Evans . There are multiple tracks for storing trains not in use . There are also repair sheds . Train operators go on and off duty at this facility . When the train stops at each station , the automatic voice tells where you are . The doors open . The voice then announces the destination of the train - e . g . " This is the D - line to Mineral " . In what seems a very short time , the voice warns " doors are closing " , and the doors start closing even before we hear the last word . If a senior or other slowpoke is still trying to get off the train at that point , one can push against the rubber edge on the door , and the door will re - open . I had to do that a few times . I never heard the voice complain that I was impeding the progress of the train . I then decided to ride the Mall Bus down to Market Street Station to see what I could pick up from the RTD sales and information office there . I noted the machines which sold more of my regional tickets . " BX " buses , express to the City of Boulder , depart from this station on the lower level . I decided to concentrate on Denver and do Boulder another time . After visiting Market Street , I returned to the hotel . I used the computer there to run the RTD Trip Planner , to find how to get to the " Good Friends " restaurant , which had been recommended to me . The restaurant was out on Colfax , and sure enough , the planner told me to take a # 15 bus - simple enough . I also asked for a plan to get to the " Jerusalem Restaurant " . That was farther away ; the planner told me to use the light rail and connect with a bus . I made it to " Good Friends " , with one minor mishap . I boarded the # 15L , which is an express bus . It doesn 't hit all the stops . Specifically , it did not stop at Fillmore , where the restaurant was . In fact , the next express stop beyond Fillmore was many blocks away . I got off when I could , and crossed the street to ride a # 15 back to Fillmore . I decided to go to the " Jerusalem Restaurant " for dinner . About 5 : 00pm I walked to the mall and rode down to 16th & Stout , where the southbound light rail crosses . I rode the H - line to Colorado , and boarded a # 21 bus there . I took the offered transfer this time , thinking I might have a use for it . For the first time , I noticed a little container mounted on the wall in back of where the bus driver sits . In it are pink slips with the ID number of the bus . A sign encouraged riders to use these pink slips to send in complaints ( or commendations ) . RTD specifically asked for feedback on how well the drivers do about calling out the next stop . I saw these containers on most other RTD buses . The Jerusalem restaurant was crowded , and I couldn 't attract anyone 's attention to get served . So I decided to go back . This was when I actually read the transfer and found it doesn 't cover travel in the opposite direction on the same bus line . So , I got to use another of my tickets to ride a # 21 back to the Colorado light rail station . Anyway , they were low - floor . There were no high seats . Some seats in front were side - facing . Stops were signaled with a pull - cord . I wish all bus companies would just forget about the push - buttons and stay with pull - cords . I didn 't see a wheelchair lift . At 8 : 00am the next day , I rode a # 12 from 17th . It was a similar to the # 21 I 'd ridden the previous evening . The route left downtown along 17th Street , then turned on Corona . I got off at Corona & 11th . This was another of Denver 's pleasant residential districts . There were single - story homes and small apartment buildings . Not many businesses . A sign announced the area to be the " East 7th Historic District " . Now , how was I to get back ? Corona was one - way , so the # 12 must run the other way on a parallel street . I tried the streets on both sides of Corona , but saw no bus stops . A sign on a pole said " Use what you need - Denver Water . " Sprinklers were drenching the lawns ; I splashed through a pool on one part of a sidewalk . I located a bus stop for the # 2 at Emerson & 8th . A sprinkler prevented me from sitting on the bus bench . When the # 2 arrived , its headsign mentioned " downtown " , so I thought I was safe . I was back at Colfax & Broadway by 8 : 35am . Another sign promoted " Ride Smart Thursdays . " " Take the RideSmartThursdays pledge to commute differently just one day a week , either Thursday or any day that works best for you . " The idea is for people to pledge to try transit at least one day a week . There ' a website : http : / / ridesmartthursdays . com / Ads on light rail trains promote transit - oriented living . " The Ventana " is apartment homes . " The Savoy " at Hampden Town Center is another , part of the national " equity apartments " chain . http : / / equityapartments . com / default . aspx For sports fans , there is a " Bronco Bus " which runs only on game days . It takes people from several pickup points , mostly light rail stations , and goes directly to the Invesco Field stadium . The fare is $ 8 one - way from a light rail station . Here is some of the promotion " RTD 's BroncosRide . . . A tailgate party without the tailgate ! On BroncosRide , the fun starts the minute you get on board . Join the fans for the party - straight to the game - and evade the crush of traffic and parking . " " Let BroncosRide lead the drive . . . It 's a snap ! The field is your goal , and BroncosRide can get you there from 28 FREE park - n - Ride lots , along Federal Boulevard and Market Street Station . After the game , look for BroncosRide buses right outside the stadium . Just find your park - n - Ride route in it 's designated row and hop aboard . BroncosRide buses depart as they fill up . The last bus leaves 45 minutes after the game ends . " There is a special day - pass for Denver visitors . For $ 10 , one can buy an all - zone RTD adult fare pass good for one specific calendar day . One may ride local and express buses plus light rail . The passes may be purchased at the Market Street transit store . Like transit systems elsewhere , RTD is making service changes . A sign says that " Final Service Changes " will happen on August 19 , 2007 . Some routes will have less service , others will get more . It wasn 't clear if whole routes were being discontinued or added . In this north part of Denver , the light rail stops at 20th . There are buses going farther North . On the south side light rail goes way out to the far suburbs , at Mineral , 9 - Mile and Lincoln . Mineral is a South Denver suburb , out in the wide - open spaces . The light rail parallels a big freeway . On one side is a large development of multi - family homes . On the other side of the freeway , accessible over a pedestrian bridge , is a huge parking lot , and some bus stops . Parking appeared to be free ( park - N - ride ) . I encountered a bus which was having mechanical problems ; a technician had a toolcart next to it . I got a good look at the bus . It was definitely an Orion , like the others I had already ridden . It was definitely a diesel . Nothing indicated whether it was " clean " . A sign on the side of the bus read : " Owned by Regional Transit District ; Leased to VEOLIA " . Maybe VEOLIA is the contractor operating buses around Mineral ? Finding nothing much else to look at , I walked back to the light rail station and stood there in the heat . There were no public toilets . The one toilet was only for RTD employees and required a card - access . I considered watering down the side of that building , but then the train arrived . Fares Tickets can be purchased from a machine outside the fare - paid area , or one can get books of 10 tickets downtown . Each ticket is stamped with an expiration time . Tickets bought downtown , or through the mail like mine are stamped when I push one into a validator . Each Regional ( senior discount ) 10 - ride ticket book that I pre - purchased cost me $ 18 . 50 . They offer no advantage over the corresponding cash fare , but they sure are convenient . For more details on RTD fares , go to http : / / rtd - denver . com / and select " fares " from the menu . There are 3 steps to climb to board a Denver light rail car . For wheelchairs , the first door of the first car stops lined - up with the station 's wheelchair ramp . A temporary ramp within the car can be dropped over the stairs , and a wheelchair can roll directly in or out . I never saw this used . A teenager tunelessly singing annoyed me , so I got off at Englewood . I wasn 't fast enough to get into another car before the doors closed , so I hung around and explored the station . Englewood is an event center , with a big parking structure and a nearby shopping center . There were no public toilets , at least none that weren 't behind locked doors . I was about to pee under a pedestrian bridge , but I found a port - a - potty . It was filthy , but it solved my problem . The next train was on the C - line , which goes to Union Station . That was fine , because Union Station ( Denver AMTRAK ) is one end of the Mall Free Ride . By 1 : 50pm I was riding back to 16th & Tremont . I even got one of the single seats next to a door . A general comment : on light rail or the mall bus , he who hesitates is lost . They sure want to keep moving . On both services , the operator is really anxious to get the doors closed ( it may be a computerized thing ) . On the buses , things are less hectic . The bus operator gives seniors the time they need . At 2 : 40pm , I walked a few blocks to the Colorado History Museum , at 13th & Broadway . I could have taken one of several buses , but walking was reasonably convenient , even in the heat . I was glad to get in where it was air - conditioned . After doing the museum , I walked over to the nearby start of the Mall Free Ride . I boarded the next bus out , and picked a restaurant along the mall . It was the Paramount Caf � , which features rock & roll and appeals to the younger set . The food wasn 't very good . At 9pm , I decided to ride the light rail to 30th & Downing , which is the northernmost station . The D - line got me there from 16th . Downing is a transit center . There are several bus lines meeting the train . Some bus lines had letter designations instead of numbers . I think they went long - distance , to transit centers farther away . I saw the " Sky Bus " which goes to the Denver Airport . There was a police presence . Wackenhut Security 's " Custom Protection Division " evidently has a contract with RTD to watch the stations , especially late at night . I got the impression that RTD has had some transit violence problems in the past . There are signs on the buses warning of penalties for causing a " disturbance " . I had seen security people hanging out at several light rail stations . At every light rail station , there is a small kiosk labeled " Emergency Telephone " . It 's supposed to be used only in case of an emergency , not to get transit information . There 's a big red button on it labeled " Push for Help " . I suppose pushing that brings the cops on the run . Things were jumping on the mall , even as the bell tower at Curtis struck 10pm . A live band was playing . Pedicabs and horse - drawn carriages were in use . The Mall Buses were crowded . I suppose this activity is usual for a Denver Friday night in the summer . I wandered around for a while , enjoying the car - free ambience . I thought I heard a voice announcement from a passing mall bus that the last trip was 1 : 35am . I didn 't want to play night - owl ; I was back in my hotel by 10 : 35pm . The next morning , I continued my custom of boarding a random bus from 17th Street . This time I caught the " 0 " bus . It traveled south on Broadway . I got off at 6th , in a commercial district , where Broadway is very broad - 5 lanes in each direction . There were no bus - only lanes or diamond lanes . I had my usual fun figuring out how to get back . I found a bus stop for the returning " 0 " line on a parallel street . I had picked up a schedule . The returning bus arrived on time , at 8 : 15am . AC Transit runs a " O " ( letter O ) bus , so I thought that 's what I was riding there in Denver , but I heard several people call the Denver bus " zero " . This is the first bus numbered 0 that I 've encountered anywhere . RTD does have some bus lines with letter names . I got off near the pioneer statue at Broadway & Colfax , about 10am . On the sidewalk , a guy was trying to sell bus tickets for $ 1 each . I wonder where he got them . I boarded another Zero bus , and rode it to the light rail station at I - 25 & Broadway . I thought of taking a random bus from there , such as the # 11 . Instead , I boarded an H - line train to 9 - Mile . The train passed stations named Yale , Dayton and Southmoor . We were in the wide - open spaces . There were many multi - family buildings and some large apartment buildings . Condominiums were for sale . There were golf courses and ball fields . There were only a few tall commercial buildings . I saw numerous " for rent " signs on this trip and elsewhere all over Denver . There were not so many in central downtown . " 9 - Mile " was probably named from a time when it was 9 miles away from someplace . Today , 9 - Mile is another Denver suburb , with multi - family units , a freeway and a 3 - level parking garage . A shopping center was visible across the freeway . I could not find a bridge or tunnel to get there . The only way was to drive , or walk quite some distance to where a traffic light halted the freeway traffic . I decided it was too much effort to shop . At 11am , I was riding the H - line back to downtown . The automatic voice announcement got confused . At Yale station , it announced " 18th & California " . Then , as we left several subsequent stops , it said that the nest stop was " Dayton " , even after we 'd passed Dayton . It could have been either a bug in the software , or something the train operator did wrong . At 11 : 30am , I got off at Louisiana - Pearl station , because I was intrigued by the name . I was expecting a bayou - flavored neighborhood . It was , sort of . The buildings were mostly bungalows and small shops . I saw nothing over 3 stories . In the heat , I did kind of feel like I was in Louisiana . The station is named from being near the intersection of Louisiana Street and Pearl Street . I tried to buy a sandwich at " Duffey 's " , which advertises itself as famous for its cinnamon rolls . The family getting served made a big deal out of their choices , then the two women between me and them started yet another extended negotiation . So I left famous Duffey 's and got my sandwich at the 7 - 11 across the street . All was not lost , because I spotted a " Wild Oats " market down the street . I went there to buy some vegi deli stuff . I must say I liked the ambience of the Louisiana - Pearl neighborhood . I think if for some reason I had to live in the Denver area , I 'd pick the Louisiana - Pearl neighborhood . I left with some reluctance , boarding the E - line to Union Station and the Mall Bus back to the hotel . Medical Center After resting a little , I boarded a # 10 bus at 2 : 45pm . This bus turned out to be made by Gillig , the bus manufacturer in Hayward , California . It had a low floor and a raised rear platform , with 6 side - facing seats and a rear bench . Up front , there were 3 pairs of forward - facing seats , on both sides of the aisle . There were platforms over the wheels , which could be used to set down packages . On one of the platforms was a container with bus supplies . The # 10 bus went out on 12th Street . Near Race Street , we passed through a large city park , with a lot of grassy area and a couple of gazebos . Near the park was another nice residential neighborhood , with bungalows and apartments . The bus turned onto Colorado , a major thoroughfare . The end of the line was in a cluster of hospitals and other medical buildings . Some of them were part of U of Colorado Health Science Center . Others belonged to Rose Medical Center and the Veterans Administration . There was abundant parking in lots and on the street . I didn 't see any multi - floor parking structures . At least one other bus line serves the medical complex . The trip planner gave me a chain of 3 buses . I started by boarding the now - familiar # 15 going out Colfax . I was already at Colfax & Broadway . I passed - up a # 15L express bus , because I wasn 't sure the stop where I was to change buses was an express stop . So I waited for a # 15 . After I got aboard , I remembered that the trip planner wanted me to board a # 15 Kramera , and the bus I was on had a different headsign . So I got back off after a few stops , to wait for the # 15 Kramera . I had saved a ticket anyway , because the fare box had been broken , the only time I 'd seen that in Denver . While I was waiting , sitting on a bench , I started coughing . I lady seated upwind of me asked if her cigarette was bothering me . Clearly it was , so she got up and moved away . I didn 't see any signs forbidding smoking at a bus stop . Then a man sat down where she had been , and started puffing away on some kind of small cigar . I got up and moved out of smoke range . My next bus was the # 40 Southmoor , which was to take me to Colorado & Cherry Creek . The planner said I should stand at the Southwest corner of the intersection . I was able to use the sun to identify the southwest . I soon boarded the # 40 bus , and rode it to Colorado & Cherry Creek . Again , the planner 's instructions were to stand on the Southwest corner . Using the sun , I couldn 't see a stop there , so I went to the stop on the other side of Cherry Creek , where I could see a schedule on a pole . The schedule soon made it clear that this stop was for the opposite direction I needed to go , so I crossed back over , backtracked a little until I located the lonely marker for the stop , a # 46 bus . A thunderstorm to the South announced its presence with a thunderclap . A few drops of rain fell . I decided I would count 20 passing cars , and if the # 46 hadn 't shown up by then , I 'd start heading back home . But the # 46 quickly appeared , and I got aboard . I 'm not sure of the manufacturer of this bus . In front , on one side , there was a side - facing bank of " step - up seats " . A broad step extended into the aisle below the seats , about 6 inches from the aisle floor , to give one a little boost . Maybe AC Transit could do something similar on the Van Hools . The trip planner 's final instructions were to get off at Birch & Arkansas . At this point , my bus was traveling along Cherry Creek . I noticed Birch Street going by . I became a little apprehensive . Then the bus turned and started going back the way we came , on a street paralleling Cherry Creek . It then turned on Birch , and started passing streets named Tennessee , Texas , Mississippi , � I started to feel more comfortable . Sure enough , I could see Arkansas coming , and I pulled the cord . I found myself in a mixed neighborhood of homes and a few low commercial buildings . There was no sign of any restaurant , or any sign saying " Govinda " . I walked up and down on Arkansas and then on Birch , and did not see any restaurant . Evidently I had been misdirected . Maybe I had given bad information to the trip planner . So now what ? I recalled then that the restaurant address was actually on Cherry Creek , so I started to trace my way back to that street . I walked back to where I thought the # 46 bus had turned off Cherry Creek , but didn 't see the street name . The main road I 'd been walking toward was Mississippi . I then turned 90 degrees , hoping to intersect Cherry Creek . As I walked , I encountered a small boy , sitting on the curb . He said " Hi , " and I replied . When I got closer , he asked " are you Santa Claus ? " I have grey hair , perhaps a jolly red face , but no beard , and my clothes are not very close to Santa 's usual garb . I denied being Santa . " I 'm just lost , " I said . Unsatisfied with my reply , the boy followed me for a few blocks , unconcerned with the rumblings from the storm behind us . He kept asking " what ? " Finally , he abandoned me . I never did cross Cherry Creek . I did encounter a bus stop for the # 11 line , which I recalled seeing at a light rail station elsewhere , but I wasn 't sure if this stop was going in that direction . The thunder muttered , but it still wasn 't really raining . I used the sun to head West , and eventually came up to Colorado , much to my relief . I found a # 40 bus stop , and hoped I was going in the right direction . After I 'd boarded the bus , it passed Cherry Creek , where I 'd boarded the # 46 , so I knew I was right . It was now clear that I had been nowhere near Cherry Creek during my walk . > p > Now I thought I was on my way home , safe from the storm aboard a bus . All I had to do was get off at Colfax and catch a # 15 bus back into downtown Denver . The bus was crowded and noisy . I did have a seat up front , though . The driver was calling out the stops , but he had an ( India ? ) accent . Somehow , I missed his call of Colfax , and didn 't recognize the intersection myself . After a while , I realized I wasn 't going to see Colfax this trip . The bus was approaching the end of its route , way out in Commerce City . I timorously said to the driver " I must have missed Colfax . " He grinned and agreed ; several of the remaining riders laughed . " Stay on the bus , " the driver said , " and I 'll take you back there . " I had to wait 15 - 20 minutes while he took his break , then he started back the other way . He made sure I got off at Colfax this time . I thanked him for his kindness and patience . The adventure wasn 't quite over . The storm was still threatening , but seemed unlikely to drench me , especially if I caught a # 15 fairly soon . I found the stop and waited . Two women were at the stop . One was in a wheelchair ; the other was sitting on a bench . They were talking earnestly . The woman in the wheelchair started crying . I couldn 't figure out what the problem was , and tried to stay out of it . They ignored me . When the # 15 bus arrived , the wheelchair went aboard via the lift , and the other woman went away . All the way downtown , the woman in the wheelchair kept alternately crying and laughing . I was glad to get off when I got to Broadway . I wanted to complete my coverage of the light rail system by going to Lincoln . A sign said that the F - line to Lincoln did not run on Sundays . So I decided to explore the other end of the light rail . I boarded the D - line North and got off at the end of the line at 30th and Downing , where I 'd already been once , at night . I boarded a # 38 bus . , which went on Bruce Randolph Avenue in North Denver . The neighborhood was mostly residential , single - story homes , duplexes , small apartment buildings , some small shopping areas , tree - lined streets . This appeared to be a mostly Black district , with some Hispanics . I got off at Stapelton & 35th , near the " Mile High Church of Christ " . I could hear a service in progress within . It was a quiet Sunday morning , but still hot . There were benches at most bus stops , but no shelters and little shade . RTD bus shelters generally seem to be set up where bus lines cross . I found a little shade near a stop , then waited maybe a half - hour for a # 38 bus going back . On the way back , I saw a wheelchair boarding with a ramp . The driver was asked to strap the rider in . At 30th & Downing , I boarded the D - line again . I noticed that when a train is stopped with its doors closed , one door may be opened with a push - button on the side of the train , if the push - button is illuminated . I gratefully got aboard into the air - conditioned interior . I was back at 16th & Stout at 10 : 38am . Between Evans and Englewood , Fare Inspectors boarded the train ! They were Wackenhut security people , in full police regalia , including club and pistol . The inspector in my car checked passes and tickets as the train was moving . He looked at my validated ticket , noted the expiration time hadn 't passed , pleasantly thanked me and continued inspecting . At the other end of my car , I saw the inspector dealing with someone unable to find his POP . I had planned to get off at Englewood , but decided to stay on and see what happened . The offender was escorted off the train , presumably to buy a valid ticket . I couldn 't see for sure , but I don 't think any citation was issued . At 12 : 28pm , I got off at Littleton Downtown . I started to walk around , but got bothered by the heat . The one bus line I encountered ran hourly on Sundays , and I didn 't want to repeat the long hot wait I 'd had earlier in the day . So I got on a D - line headed back North . At 1 : 21pm , I got off at Englewood . I wandered around the big shopping center there . Finally I boarded the familiar Zero bus which starts its run there . The bus rolled along Broadway . One can see the tall buildings of downtown a long way off , because Broadway is very straight and flat . I got off the Zero at Civic Center and walked back to the hotel . Lincoln is another wide - open spaces suburb with plenty of grassland . It looked newer than the others . There was some building construction in progress . I saw fewer residential units than in other suburbs , but more multi - story commercial buildings , scattered over the landscape . Road signs advertised " Tollway to Limon " and " Bypass to Denver Airport . " There was a nice - looking pedestrian bridge over the freeway . It was a suspension bridge . There were other similar bridges at some of the other stations North of Lincoln . Just before Lincoln is " County Line " station , with a huge shopping center ( and huge parking lot ) . I remembered passing through this area coming in from Colorado Springs . The freeway sound walls have beautiful bas - relief on them . The same art is on the concrete walls of the light rail stations . My light rail trips often passed the Denver Performing Arts Center . There 's an eye - catching sculpture in the yard . Two very large white or grey colored stick figures are dancing , holding hands . They were particularly startling at night . http : / / www . superstock . com / search / Borofsky
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Postby Kim OHara » Sun Jan 30 , 2011 10 : 37 am I thought I might be busy this evening dealing with a cyclone ( = hurricane in US - speak ) but it changed course so I 'm , a bit idle and a bit relieved . . . EVER WONDER # 2Q Why the sun lightens our hair , but darkens our skin ? A It doesn 't . Go to Indonesia , Madagascar , Angola , Mexico - just about anywhere there 's lots of sun - and you will see we all have black hair … oh , you 're white . You guys are seriously weird . Q Why women can 't put on mascara with their mouth closed ? A I 'm a bloke . I wouldn 't dare speculate . Q Why don 't you ever see the headline " Psychic Wins Lottery " ? A Because good psychics have the foresight to know that people would pester them forever after and bad psychics don 't win . Q Why is " abbreviated " such a long word ? A To make up for the shortness of " long . " Q Why is it that doctors call what they do " practice " ? A Everyone knows that practice makes perfect and doctors want perfect health for their patients . Q Why is it that to stop Windows 98 , you have to click on " Start " ? A Duh ! It 's Windows , dummy . * Q Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor , and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons ? A Lemon juice is made of sunlight and pure rainwater and good rich earth . What " lemon juice " is made of is something quite different and best not examined too closely . Q Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker ? A Because he ends up broker than his clients ? DO NOT LAUGH ! ! ! Q Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour ? A It 's the time everyone rushes for their cars , of course . Q Why isn 't there mouse - flavored cat food ? A There is . I know . Q When dog food is new and improved tasting , who tests it ? A See previous answer . Q Why didn 't Noah swat those two mosquitoes ? A He was wise enough to know that God , who is perfect in every way , could not possibly have made mosquitos without good reason and humble enough to accept that , although he had little understanding of the glorious complexity of the Web of Life , he should not interferTop Postby cooran » Mon Jan 31 , 2011 7 : 54 am heheheh1 . A day without sunshine is like night . 2 . On the other hand , you have different fingers . 3 . 42 . 7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot . 4 . Remember , half the people you know are below average . 5 . He who laughs last ; thinks slowest . 6 . The early bird may get the worm , but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap . 7 . Support bacteria . They 're the only culture most people have . 8 . A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory . 9 . Change is inevitable , except from vending machines . 10 . If you think nobody cares , try missing a couple of payments . 11 . How many of you believe in psycho - kinesis ? Raise my hand . 12 . OK , so what 's the speed of dark ? 13 . When everything is coming your way , you 're in the wrong lane . 14 . How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges ? 15 . Eagles may soar , but weasels don 't get sucked into jet engines . 16 . What happens if you get scared half to death , twice ? 17 . Why do psychics have to ask you your name ? 18 . Inside every older person is a younger person wondering , ' What the heck happened ? ' 19 . Just remember - - if the world didn 't suck , we would all fall off . 20 . Light travels faster than sound . That 's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak . 21 . Life isn 't like a box of chocolates . It 's more like a jar of jalapenos . What you do today , might burn your butt tomorrow . Postby tiltbillings » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 7 : 53 am This being is bound to samsara , kamma is his means for going beyond . - - SN I , 38 . " Of course it is happening inside your head , Harry , but why on earth should that mean that it is not real ? " HPatDH p . 723 >> Do you see a man wise [ enlightened / ariya ] in his own eyes ? There is more hope for a fool than for him . << - - Proverbs 26 : 12 Postby JimKai » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 4 : 33 pm Kare wrote : cooran wrote : Maybe this style , Kare ? Do not argue with an idiot . He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience . I want to die peacefully in my sleep , like my grandfather . . Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car . I asked God for a bike , but I know God doesn 't work that way . So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness . Not quite . The Norwegian ones in this category all are questions , and they all start with " Why cannot I . . . when . . . " . They are all very language specific , so they just don 't translate well . Some of them are real absurd . The one about Knox was rather lame , but it was the only one I could invent in English . Oh yes - another one just popped up : " Why can 't I quit , when biscuits ? " There is one absurd joke in finnish . Translated to english , it would be something like : " Want went to a store . A shovel . " It is known as the worst joke in the whole language , but it used to crack us up as kids ! Postby meindzai » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 5 : 15 pm Geeky physics joke I am giggling about today . I sent it to my 13 year old ( and very bright ) nephew who is home sick , and told him his homework is to explain it . The tachyon leaves . The bartender says " We don 't serve your kind here ! " A tachyon walks into a bar . - M Postby Kare » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 5 : 38 pm meindzai wrote : Geeky physics joke I am giggling about today . I sent it to my 13 year old ( and very bright ) nephew who is home sick , and told him his homework is to explain it . The tachyon leaves . The bartender says " We don 't serve your kind here ! " A tachyon walks into a bar . - MLooks like a lot of tachyons are writing e - mails these days . . . . Mettāya , Kåre Postby cooran » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 8 : 08 pm Hehheh - A Swiss man , looking for directions , pulls up at a bus stop where two Americans are waiting . " Entschuldigung , koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen ? " he asks . The two Americans just stare at him . " Excusez - moi , parlez vous Fracais ? " he tries . The two continue to stare . " Parlare Italiano ? " No response . " Hablan ustedes Espanol ? " Still nothing . The Swiss guy drives off , extremely disgusted . The first American turns to the second and says , " Y ' know , maybe we should learn a foreign language . " " Why ? " says the other . " That guy knew four languages , and it didn 't do him any good . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - A man mentioned to his landlord about the tenants in the apartment over his . " Many a night they stamp on the floor and shout till midnight . " When the landlord asked if it bothered him , he replied , " Not really , for I usually stay up and practice my trumpet till about that time most every night anyway . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Bill , Jim , and Scott were at a convention together and were sharing a large suite on the top of a 75 - story skyscraper . After a long day of meetings they were shocked to hear that the elevators in their hotel were broken and they would have to climb 75 flights of stairs to get to their room . Bill said to Jim and Scott , let 's break the monotony of this unpleasant task by concentrating on something interesting . I 'll tell jokes for 25 flights , and Jim can sing songs for 25 flights , and Scott can tell sad stories the rest of the way . At the 26th floor Bill stopped telling jokes and Jim began to sing . At the 51st floor Jim stopped singing and Scott began to tell sad stories . " I will tell my saddest story first , " he said . " I left the room key in the car ! " Postby Kare » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 9 : 28 pm cooran wrote : Hehheh - A Swiss man , looking for directions , pulls up at a bus stop where two Americans are waiting . " Entschuldigung , koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen ? " he asks . The two Americans just stare at him . " Excusez - moi , parlez vous Fracais ? " he tries . The two continue to stare . " Parlare Italiano ? " No response . " Hablan ustedes Espanol ? " Still nothing . The Swiss guy drives off , extremely disgusted . The first American turns to the second and says , " Y ' know , maybe we should learn a foreign language . " " Why ? " says the other . " That guy knew four languages , and it didn 't do him any good . " I feel that way myself at times . . . Mettāya , Kåre Postby cooran » Fri Feb 04 , 2011 7 : 57 am The judge frowned at the tired robber and said , " then you admit breaking into the same store on three successive nights ? " " Yes , your honor . " " And why was that ? " " Because my wife wanted a dress . " The judge check with his records , " But it says here you broke in three nights in a row ! " " Yes sir . She made me exchange it two times . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations . At closing time , he saw a fellow tumble out of the bar , trip on the curb , and try his keys in five different cars before he found his . Then he sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes . Everyone else left the bar and drove off . Finally he started his engine and began to pull away . The police officer was waiting for him . He stopped the driver , read him his rights and administered the Breathalyser test . The results showed a reading of 0 . 0 . The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be . The driver replied , " Tonight I 'm the designated decoy . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the other end . After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks , tentatively , " Um , would you mind if I chatted with you for a while ? " To which she responds by yelling , at the top of her lungs , " No , I won 't sleep with you tonight ! " By now , the entire bar is staring at them . Naturally , the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table . After a few minutes , the woman walks over to him and apologizes . She smiles at him and says , " I 'm sorry if I embarrassed you . You see , I 'm a graduate student in psychology and I 'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations . " To which he responds , at the top of his lungs , " What do you mean $ 200 ! " Postby cooran » Sat Feb 05 , 2011 9 : 15 am Two boy scouts went on a nature hike in the hills picking hickory nuts . Along the way , they filled their small pails and then started to fill their pockets and shirts . When they could hold no more nuts , they started down the country road until they came across a cemetery . The boys decided that would be a good place to stop and rest and divide out the nuts . The two boys sat in the shade of a large oak tree and unloaded their pockets and buckets by dumping all of the nuts in a large pile . In the process , two of them rolled away and rested near the road . The boys then proceeded to divide out the nuts . " One for you . One for me . One for you . One for me . " As they were doing this , another boy was passing by and happened to hear them . He looked into the cemetery , but could not see the boys , because they were obscured by the tree . He hesitated a moment and then ran back to town . " Father ! Father ! " he yelled as he entered his house . " The cemetery . Come quick ! " " What 's the matter ? " his father asked . " No time to explain , " the boy frantically panted . " Follow me ! " The boy and his father ran up the country road and stopped when they reached the cemetery . They stopped at the side of the road and all fell silent for a few moments . Then the father asked his son what was wrong . " Do you hear that ? " he whispered . Both people listened intently and heard the Scouts . " One for me . One for you . One for me . One for you . . . " The boy then blurted out , " The devil and the Lord are dividing the souls ! " The father was skeptical but silent - - until a few moments later as the Scouts completed dividing out the nuts and one Scout said to the other , " Now , as soon as we get those two nuts down by the road , we 'll have them all . " Postby cooran » Sun Feb 06 , 2011 8 : 58 am " But doctor , " lamented the young husband in counselling , " whenever Sue and I quarrel , she becomes historical . " " You mean , hysterical , " said the doctor . " No , historical . She is always digging up my past . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - After many sessions the psychiatrist says to his patient : Congratulations , Sir , you are cured . The patient says : Some cure . Before I was Alexander the Great . Now I 'm nobody . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Patient : Doctor I have a sore throat , I ache , and have a fever . Doctor : Sounds like some kind of virus . Patient : Everyone in the office has it . Doctor : Well then , maybe it 's a staff infection . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - A dentist , after completing work on a patient , came to him and asked ; " could you help me ? Could you give out a few of your loudest , most painful screams ? " The surprised patient said ; " why doctor , it wasn 't all that bad this time ! " The dentist said ; " there are so many people in the waiting room right now , and I don 't want to miss the four o ' clock train . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Postby cooran » Mon Feb 07 , 2011 9 : 18 am A mum was concerned about her kindergarten son walking to school . He didn 't want his mother to walk with him . She wanted to give him the feeling that he had some independence but yet know that he was safe . So she had an idea of how to handle it . She asked a neighbor if she would please follow him to school in the mornings , staying at a distance , so he probably wouldn 't notice her . The neighbor said that since she was up early with her toddler anyway , it would be a good way for them to get some exercise as well , so she agreed . The next school day , the neighbor and her little girl set out following behind Timmy as he walked to school with another neighbor girl he knew . She did this for the whole week . As the two walked and chatted , kicking stones and twigs , Timmy 's little friend noticed the same lady was following them as she seemed to do every day all week . Finally she said to Timmy , ' Have you noticed that lady following us to school all week ? Do you know her ? ' Timmy nonchalantly replied , ' Yeah , I know who she is . ' The little girl said , ' Well , who is she ? ' ' That 's just Shirley Goodnest , ' Timmy replied , ' and her daughter Marcy . ' ' Shirley Goodnest ? Who the heck is she and why is she following us ? ' Well , ' Timmy explained , ' every night my Mum makes me say the 23rd Psalm with my prayers , ' cuz she worries about me so much . And in the Psalm , it says , ' Shirley Goodnest and Marcy shall follow me all the days of my life ' , so I guess I 'll just have to get used to it ! ' Postby andre9999 » Mon Feb 07 , 2011 3 : 27 pm That was terrible . It reminds me of the joke : Q : " How many angels can you fit into a honda ? " A : " All of them . They all sing in one Accord . " Postby cooran » Tue Feb 08 , 2011 5 : 14 am How to give a cat a pill . 1 . Pick up the cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby . Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat 's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand . As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth . Allow cat to close mouth and swallow . 2 . Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa . Cradle cat in left Arm and repeat process . 3 . Take new pill from foil wrap , cradle cat in left arm , holding rear paws tightly with left hand . Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger . Hold mouth shut for a count of ten . 4 . Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees , hold front and rear paws , ignore growls emitted by cat . Get spouse to hold cat 's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth . Drop pill down ruler and rub cat 's throat vigorously . 5 . Retrieve cat from curtain rail , get another pill from foil wrap . Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains . Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later . 6 . Wrap cat in a large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with cat 's head just visible from below armpit . Put pill in end of a drinking straw , force cat 's mouth open with pencil and blow down straw . 7 . Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans , drink a beer to take away the taste . Apply Band - Aid to spouse 's forearm and remove blood from the carpet with soap and water . 8 . Tie the little angel 's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of the dining table . Find heavy pruning gloves from shed . Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak . Be rough about it . Hold head vertical and pour 2 pints of water down cat 's throat to wash down pill . 9 . Consume remainder of scotch . Get spouse to drive you to the Accident and Emergency clinic , sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill from your eye . Call furniture shop on way home t - - - The trouble is that you think you have time - - - - - - Worry is the Interest , paid in advance , on a debt you may never owe - - - - - - It 's not what happens to you in life that is important ~ it 's what you do with it - - - Postby Kim OHara » Tue Feb 08 , 2011 5 : 51 am This one turned up in my inbox yesterday and it 's an obvious soulmate to the joke above . . . How to wash a toilet 1 . Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1 / 8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl . 2 . Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom . 3 . In one smooth movement , put the cat in the toilet and close the lid . You may need to stand on the lid . . . 4 . The cat will self agitate and make ample suds . Never mind the noises that come from the toilet , the cat is actually enjoying this . 5 . Flush the toilet three or four times . This provides a ' power - wash ' and rinse ' . 6 . Have someone open the front door of your home . Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door . 7 . Stand behind the toilet as far as you can , and quickly lift the lid . 8 . The cat will rocket out of the toilet , streak through the bathroom , and run outside where he will dry himself off . 9 . Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean . Yours Sincerely , The Dog Top Postby Kaktus » Tue Feb 08 , 2011 8 : 05 am These quotes are from one of my favorite blogs : These are things people actually said in court , word for word , taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place . = = = = Q : Are you sexually active ? A : No , I just lie there . = = = = Q : What is your date of birth ? A : July fifteenth . Q : What year ? A : Every year . = = = = Q : What gear were you in at the moment of the impact ? A : Gucci sweats and Reeboks . = = = = Q : This myasthenia gravis , does it affect your memory at all ? A : Yes . Q : And in what ways does it affect your memory ? A : I forget . Q : You forget . Can you give us an example of something that you 've forgotten ? = = = = Q : What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning ? A : He said , " Where am I , Cathy ? " Q : And why did that upset you ? A : My name is Susan . = = = = Q : Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult ? A : We both do . Q : Voodoo ? A : We do . Q : You do ? A : Yes , voodoo . = = = = Q : Now doctor , isn 't it true that when a person dies in his sleep , he doesn 't know about it until the next morning ? = = = = Q : The youngest son , the twenty - year old , how old is he ? = = = = Q : Were you present when your picture was taken ? = = = = Q : So the date of conception ( of the baby ) was August 8th ? A : Yes . Q : And what were you doing at that time ? = = = = Q : She had three children , right ? A : Yes . Q : How many were boys ? A : None . Q : Were there any girls ? = = = = Q : How was your first marriage terminated ? A : By death . Q : And by whose death was it terminated ? = = = = Q : Can you describe the individual ? A : He was about medium height and had a beard . Q : Was this a male , or a female ? = = = = Q : Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney ? A : No , this is how I dress when I go to work . = = = = Q : Doctor , how many autopsies have you performed on dead people ? A : All my autopsies are performed on dead people . = = = = Q : All your responses must be oral , OK ? What school did you go to ? A : Oral . = = = = Q : Do you recaEnglish isn 't my native language . So please accept my apologies for my kind of spelling and grammar Top Postby cooran » Fri Feb 11 , 2011 9 : 06 am A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something . The driver screamed , lost control of the cab , nearly hit a bus , drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window . For a few moments everything was silent in the cab , then the driver said , " Please , don 't ever do that again . You scared the daylights out of me . " The passenger , who was also frightened , apologized and said he didn 't realize that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much , to which the driver replied , " I 'm sorry , it 's really not your fault at all . Today is my first day driving a cab , I have been driving a hearse for the last 25 years . Postby cooran » Sat Feb 12 , 2011 9 : 03 pm A rather old fashioned lady , always quite delicate and elegant , especially in her language , was planning a weeks holiday in Sydney with her husband , so she wrote to a particular camping ground and asked for a reservation . She wanted to make sure that the camping ground was fully equipped , but didn 't know quite how to ask about the toilet facilities . She just couldn 't bring herselfto write the word " toilet " in her letter . After much thought , she finally came up with the old fashioned term " Bathroom closet " but when she wrote it down , she still thought she was being too forward , so she started all over again , rewrote the letter , and referred to the bathroom closet as the B . C . " Does the camping ground have it 's own B . C . " is what she wrote . Well , the camping ground owner wasn 't a bit old fashioned , and he just couldn 't figure out what the old lady was talking about , so he showed the letter around a few of the campers and the only thing they could come up with was that B . C . stood for Baptist Church , so he wrote the following reply . Dear Madam , I regret very much the delay in answering your letter , but I now take the pleasure of informing you that a B . C . is located nine miles north of our camping ground , and is capable of seating 250 people at one time . I admit that it is quite a distance away if you are in the habit of going regularly but no doubt you will be pleased to know that a great number of campers go there and many take their lunches along and make a day of it . They usually arrive nice and early and stay quite late . The last time my wife and I went was six years ago , and it was so crowded we had to stand up the whole time we were there . It may interest you to know that there is a special supper planned there to raise money to buy more seats so that everyone will be able to sit in comfort . I would like to say that it pains me very much not to be able to go more regularly , but it is surely no lack of desire on my part , just that I am so busy most of the time . As we grow older , it - - - The trouble is that you think you have time - - - - - - Worry is the Interest , paid in advance , on a debt you may never owe - - - - - - It 's not what happens to you in life that is important ~ it 's what you do with it - - -
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Postby Kim OHara » Sun Jan 30 , 2011 10 : 37 am I thought I might be busy this evening dealing with a cyclone ( = hurricane in US - speak ) but it changed course so I 'm , a bit idle and a bit relieved . . . EVER WONDER # 2Q Why the sun lightens our hair , but darkens our skin ? A It doesn 't . Go to Indonesia , Madagascar , Angola , Mexico - just about anywhere there 's lots of sun - and you will see we all have black hair … oh , you 're white . You guys are seriously weird . Q Why women can 't put on mascara with their mouth closed ? A I 'm a bloke . I wouldn 't dare speculate . Q Why don 't you ever see the headline " Psychic Wins Lottery " ? A Because good psychics have the foresight to know that people would pester them forever after and bad psychics don 't win . Q Why is " abbreviated " such a long word ? A To make up for the shortness of " long . " Q Why is it that doctors call what they do " practice " ? A Everyone knows that practice makes perfect and doctors want perfect health for their patients . Q Why is it that to stop Windows 98 , you have to click on " Start " ? A Duh ! It 's Windows , dummy . * Q Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor , and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons ? A Lemon juice is made of sunlight and pure rainwater and good rich earth . What " lemon juice " is made of is something quite different and best not examined too closely . Q Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker ? A Because he ends up broker than his clients ? DO NOT LAUGH ! ! ! Q Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour ? A It 's the time everyone rushes for their cars , of course . Q Why isn 't there mouse - flavored cat food ? A There is . I know . Q When dog food is new and improved tasting , who tests it ? A See previous answer . Q Why didn 't Noah swat those two mosquitoes ? A He was wise enough to know that God , who is perfect in every way , could not possibly have made mosquitos without good reason and humble enough to accept that , although he had little understanding of the glorious complexity of the Web of Life , he should not interferTop Postby cooran » Mon Jan 31 , 2011 7 : 54 am heheheh1 . A day without sunshine is like night . 2 . On the other hand , you have different fingers . 3 . 42 . 7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot . 4 . Remember , half the people you know are below average . 5 . He who laughs last ; thinks slowest . 6 . The early bird may get the worm , but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap . 7 . Support bacteria . They 're the only culture most people have . 8 . A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory . 9 . Change is inevitable , except from vending machines . 10 . If you think nobody cares , try missing a couple of payments . 11 . How many of you believe in psycho - kinesis ? Raise my hand . 12 . OK , so what 's the speed of dark ? 13 . When everything is coming your way , you 're in the wrong lane . 14 . How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges ? 15 . Eagles may soar , but weasels don 't get sucked into jet engines . 16 . What happens if you get scared half to death , twice ? 17 . Why do psychics have to ask you your name ? 18 . Inside every older person is a younger person wondering , ' What the heck happened ? ' 19 . Just remember - - if the world didn 't suck , we would all fall off . 20 . Light travels faster than sound . That 's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak . 21 . Life isn 't like a box of chocolates . It 's more like a jar of jalapenos . What you do today , might burn your butt tomorrow . Postby tiltbillings » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 7 : 53 am This being is bound to samsara , kamma is his means for going beyond . - - SN I , 38 . " Of course it is happening inside your head , Harry , but why on earth should that mean that it is not real ? " HPatDH p . 723 >> Do you see a man wise [ enlightened / ariya ] in his own eyes ? There is more hope for a fool than for him . << - - Proverbs 26 : 12 Postby JimKai » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 4 : 33 pm Kare wrote : cooran wrote : Maybe this style , Kare ? Do not argue with an idiot . He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience . I want to die peacefully in my sleep , like my grandfather . . Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car . I asked God for a bike , but I know God doesn 't work that way . So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness . Not quite . The Norwegian ones in this category all are questions , and they all start with " Why cannot I . . . when . . . " . They are all very language specific , so they just don 't translate well . Some of them are real absurd . The one about Knox was rather lame , but it was the only one I could invent in English . Oh yes - another one just popped up : " Why can 't I quit , when biscuits ? " There is one absurd joke in finnish . Translated to english , it would be something like : " Want went to a store . A shovel . " It is known as the worst joke in the whole language , but it used to crack us up as kids ! Postby meindzai » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 5 : 15 pm Geeky physics joke I am giggling about today . I sent it to my 13 year old ( and very bright ) nephew who is home sick , and told him his homework is to explain it . The tachyon leaves . The bartender says " We don 't serve your kind here ! " A tachyon walks into a bar . - M Postby Kare » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 5 : 38 pm meindzai wrote : Geeky physics joke I am giggling about today . I sent it to my 13 year old ( and very bright ) nephew who is home sick , and told him his homework is to explain it . The tachyon leaves . The bartender says " We don 't serve your kind here ! " A tachyon walks into a bar . - MLooks like a lot of tachyons are writing e - mails these days . . . . Mettāya , Kåre Postby cooran » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 8 : 08 pm Hehheh - A Swiss man , looking for directions , pulls up at a bus stop where two Americans are waiting . " Entschuldigung , koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen ? " he asks . The two Americans just stare at him . " Excusez - moi , parlez vous Fracais ? " he tries . The two continue to stare . " Parlare Italiano ? " No response . " Hablan ustedes Espanol ? " Still nothing . The Swiss guy drives off , extremely disgusted . The first American turns to the second and says , " Y ' know , maybe we should learn a foreign language . " " Why ? " says the other . " That guy knew four languages , and it didn 't do him any good . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - A man mentioned to his landlord about the tenants in the apartment over his . " Many a night they stamp on the floor and shout till midnight . " When the landlord asked if it bothered him , he replied , " Not really , for I usually stay up and practice my trumpet till about that time most every night anyway . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Bill , Jim , and Scott were at a convention together and were sharing a large suite on the top of a 75 - story skyscraper . After a long day of meetings they were shocked to hear that the elevators in their hotel were broken and they would have to climb 75 flights of stairs to get to their room . Bill said to Jim and Scott , let 's break the monotony of this unpleasant task by concentrating on something interesting . I 'll tell jokes for 25 flights , and Jim can sing songs for 25 flights , and Scott can tell sad stories the rest of the way . At the 26th floor Bill stopped telling jokes and Jim began to sing . At the 51st floor Jim stopped singing and Scott began to tell sad stories . " I will tell my saddest story first , " he said . " I left the room key in the car ! " Postby Kare » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 9 : 28 pm cooran wrote : Hehheh - A Swiss man , looking for directions , pulls up at a bus stop where two Americans are waiting . " Entschuldigung , koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen ? " he asks . The two Americans just stare at him . " Excusez - moi , parlez vous Fracais ? " he tries . The two continue to stare . " Parlare Italiano ? " No response . " Hablan ustedes Espanol ? " Still nothing . The Swiss guy drives off , extremely disgusted . The first American turns to the second and says , " Y ' know , maybe we should learn a foreign language . " " Why ? " says the other . " That guy knew four languages , and it didn 't do him any good . " I feel that way myself at times . . . Mettāya , Kåre Postby cooran » Fri Feb 04 , 2011 7 : 57 am The judge frowned at the tired robber and said , " then you admit breaking into the same store on three successive nights ? " " Yes , your honor . " " And why was that ? " " Because my wife wanted a dress . " The judge check with his records , " But it says here you broke in three nights in a row ! " " Yes sir . She made me exchange it two times . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations . At closing time , he saw a fellow tumble out of the bar , trip on the curb , and try his keys in five different cars before he found his . Then he sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes . Everyone else left the bar and drove off . Finally he started his engine and began to pull away . The police officer was waiting for him . He stopped the driver , read him his rights and administered the Breathalyser test . The results showed a reading of 0 . 0 . The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be . The driver replied , " Tonight I 'm the designated decoy . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the other end . After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks , tentatively , " Um , would you mind if I chatted with you for a while ? " To which she responds by yelling , at the top of her lungs , " No , I won 't sleep with you tonight ! " By now , the entire bar is staring at them . Naturally , the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table . After a few minutes , the woman walks over to him and apologizes . She smiles at him and says , " I 'm sorry if I embarrassed you . You see , I 'm a graduate student in psychology and I 'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations . " To which he responds , at the top of his lungs , " What do you mean $ 200 ! " Postby cooran » Sat Feb 05 , 2011 9 : 15 am Two boy scouts went on a nature hike in the hills picking hickory nuts . Along the way , they filled their small pails and then started to fill their pockets and shirts . When they could hold no more nuts , they started down the country road until they came across a cemetery . The boys decided that would be a good place to stop and rest and divide out the nuts . The two boys sat in the shade of a large oak tree and unloaded their pockets and buckets by dumping all of the nuts in a large pile . In the process , two of them rolled away and rested near the road . The boys then proceeded to divide out the nuts . " One for you . One for me . One for you . One for me . " As they were doing this , another boy was passing by and happened to hear them . He looked into the cemetery , but could not see the boys , because they were obscured by the tree . He hesitated a moment and then ran back to town . " Father ! Father ! " he yelled as he entered his house . " The cemetery . Come quick ! " " What 's the matter ? " his father asked . " No time to explain , " the boy frantically panted . " Follow me ! " The boy and his father ran up the country road and stopped when they reached the cemetery . They stopped at the side of the road and all fell silent for a few moments . Then the father asked his son what was wrong . " Do you hear that ? " he whispered . Both people listened intently and heard the Scouts . " One for me . One for you . One for me . One for you . . . " The boy then blurted out , " The devil and the Lord are dividing the souls ! " The father was skeptical but silent - - until a few moments later as the Scouts completed dividing out the nuts and one Scout said to the other , " Now , as soon as we get those two nuts down by the road , we 'll have them all . " Postby cooran » Sun Feb 06 , 2011 8 : 58 am " But doctor , " lamented the young husband in counselling , " whenever Sue and I quarrel , she becomes historical . " " You mean , hysterical , " said the doctor . " No , historical . She is always digging up my past . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - After many sessions the psychiatrist says to his patient : Congratulations , Sir , you are cured . The patient says : Some cure . Before I was Alexander the Great . Now I 'm nobody . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Patient : Doctor I have a sore throat , I ache , and have a fever . Doctor : Sounds like some kind of virus . Patient : Everyone in the office has it . Doctor : Well then , maybe it 's a staff infection . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - A dentist , after completing work on a patient , came to him and asked ; " could you help me ? Could you give out a few of your loudest , most painful screams ? " The surprised patient said ; " why doctor , it wasn 't all that bad this time ! " The dentist said ; " there are so many people in the waiting room right now , and I don 't want to miss the four o ' clock train . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Postby cooran » Mon Feb 07 , 2011 9 : 18 am A mum was concerned about her kindergarten son walking to school . He didn 't want his mother to walk with him . She wanted to give him the feeling that he had some independence but yet know that he was safe . So she had an idea of how to handle it . She asked a neighbor if she would please follow him to school in the mornings , staying at a distance , so he probably wouldn 't notice her . The neighbor said that since she was up early with her toddler anyway , it would be a good way for them to get some exercise as well , so she agreed . The next school day , the neighbor and her little girl set out following behind Timmy as he walked to school with another neighbor girl he knew . She did this for the whole week . As the two walked and chatted , kicking stones and twigs , Timmy 's little friend noticed the same lady was following them as she seemed to do every day all week . Finally she said to Timmy , ' Have you noticed that lady following us to school all week ? Do you know her ? ' Timmy nonchalantly replied , ' Yeah , I know who she is . ' The little girl said , ' Well , who is she ? ' ' That 's just Shirley Goodnest , ' Timmy replied , ' and her daughter Marcy . ' ' Shirley Goodnest ? Who the heck is she and why is she following us ? ' Well , ' Timmy explained , ' every night my Mum makes me say the 23rd Psalm with my prayers , ' cuz she worries about me so much . And in the Psalm , it says , ' Shirley Goodnest and Marcy shall follow me all the days of my life ' , so I guess I 'll just have to get used to it ! ' Postby andre9999 » Mon Feb 07 , 2011 3 : 27 pm That was terrible . It reminds me of the joke : Q : " How many angels can you fit into a honda ? " A : " All of them . They all sing in one Accord . " Postby cooran » Tue Feb 08 , 2011 5 : 14 am How to give a cat a pill . 1 . Pick up the cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby . Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat 's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand . As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth . Allow cat to close mouth and swallow . 2 . Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa . Cradle cat in left Arm and repeat process . 3 . Take new pill from foil wrap , cradle cat in left arm , holding rear paws tightly with left hand . Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger . Hold mouth shut for a count of ten . 4 . Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees , hold front and rear paws , ignore growls emitted by cat . Get spouse to hold cat 's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth . Drop pill down ruler and rub cat 's throat vigorously . 5 . Retrieve cat from curtain rail , get another pill from foil wrap . Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains . Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later . 6 . Wrap cat in a large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with cat 's head just visible from below armpit . Put pill in end of a drinking straw , force cat 's mouth open with pencil and blow down straw . 7 . Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans , drink a beer to take away the taste . Apply Band - Aid to spouse 's forearm and remove blood from the carpet with soap and water . 8 . Tie the little angel 's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of the dining table . Find heavy pruning gloves from shed . Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak . Be rough about it . Hold head vertical and pour 2 pints of water down cat 's throat to wash down pill . 9 . Consume remainder of scotch . Get spouse to drive you to the Accident and Emergency clinic , sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill from your eye . Call furniture shop on way home t - - - The trouble is that you think you have time - - - - - - Worry is the Interest , paid in advance , on a debt you may never owe - - - - - - It 's not what happens to you in life that is important ~ it 's what you do with it - - - Postby Kim OHara » Tue Feb 08 , 2011 5 : 51 am This one turned up in my inbox yesterday and it 's an obvious soulmate to the joke above . . . How to wash a toilet 1 . Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1 / 8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl . 2 . Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom . 3 . In one smooth movement , put the cat in the toilet and close the lid . You may need to stand on the lid . . . 4 . The cat will self agitate and make ample suds . Never mind the noises that come from the toilet , the cat is actually enjoying this . 5 . Flush the toilet three or four times . This provides a ' power - wash ' and rinse ' . 6 . Have someone open the front door of your home . Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door . 7 . Stand behind the toilet as far as you can , and quickly lift the lid . 8 . The cat will rocket out of the toilet , streak through the bathroom , and run outside where he will dry himself off . 9 . Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean . Yours Sincerely , The Dog Top Postby Kaktus » Tue Feb 08 , 2011 8 : 05 am These quotes are from one of my favorite blogs : These are things people actually said in court , word for word , taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place . = = = = Q : Are you sexually active ? A : No , I just lie there . = = = = Q : What is your date of birth ? A : July fifteenth . Q : What year ? A : Every year . = = = = Q : What gear were you in at the moment of the impact ? A : Gucci sweats and Reeboks . = = = = Q : This myasthenia gravis , does it affect your memory at all ? A : Yes . Q : And in what ways does it affect your memory ? A : I forget . Q : You forget . Can you give us an example of something that you 've forgotten ? = = = = Q : What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning ? A : He said , " Where am I , Cathy ? " Q : And why did that upset you ? A : My name is Susan . = = = = Q : Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult ? A : We both do . Q : Voodoo ? A : We do . Q : You do ? A : Yes , voodoo . = = = = Q : Now doctor , isn 't it true that when a person dies in his sleep , he doesn 't know about it until the next morning ? = = = = Q : The youngest son , the twenty - year old , how old is he ? = = = = Q : Were you present when your picture was taken ? = = = = Q : So the date of conception ( of the baby ) was August 8th ? A : Yes . Q : And what were you doing at that time ? = = = = Q : She had three children , right ? A : Yes . Q : How many were boys ? A : None . Q : Were there any girls ? = = = = Q : How was your first marriage terminated ? A : By death . Q : And by whose death was it terminated ? = = = = Q : Can you describe the individual ? A : He was about medium height and had a beard . Q : Was this a male , or a female ? = = = = Q : Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney ? A : No , this is how I dress when I go to work . = = = = Q : Doctor , how many autopsies have you performed on dead people ? A : All my autopsies are performed on dead people . = = = = Q : All your responses must be oral , OK ? What school did you go to ? A : Oral . = = = = Q : Do you recaEnglish isn 't my native language . So please accept my apologies for my kind of spelling and grammar Top Postby cooran » Fri Feb 11 , 2011 9 : 06 am A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something . The driver screamed , lost control of the cab , nearly hit a bus , drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window . For a few moments everything was silent in the cab , then the driver said , " Please , don 't ever do that again . You scared the daylights out of me . " The passenger , who was also frightened , apologized and said he didn 't realize that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much , to which the driver replied , " I 'm sorry , it 's really not your fault at all . Today is my first day driving a cab , I have been driving a hearse for the last 25 years . Postby cooran » Sat Feb 12 , 2011 9 : 03 pm A rather old fashioned lady , always quite delicate and elegant , especially in her language , was planning a weeks holiday in Sydney with her husband , so she wrote to a particular camping ground and asked for a reservation . She wanted to make sure that the camping ground was fully equipped , but didn 't know quite how to ask about the toilet facilities . She just couldn 't bring herselfto write the word " toilet " in her letter . After much thought , she finally came up with the old fashioned term " Bathroom closet " but when she wrote it down , she still thought she was being too forward , so she started all over again , rewrote the letter , and referred to the bathroom closet as the B . C . " Does the camping ground have it 's own B . C . " is what she wrote . Well , the camping ground owner wasn 't a bit old fashioned , and he just couldn 't figure out what the old lady was talking about , so he showed the letter around a few of the campers and the only thing they could come up with was that B . C . stood for Baptist Church , so he wrote the following reply . Dear Madam , I regret very much the delay in answering your letter , but I now take the pleasure of informing you that a B . C . is located nine miles north of our camping ground , and is capable of seating 250 people at one time . I admit that it is quite a distance away if you are in the habit of going regularly but no doubt you will be pleased to know that a great number of campers go there and many take their lunches along and make a day of it . They usually arrive nice and early and stay quite late . The last time my wife and I went was six years ago , and it was so crowded we had to stand up the whole time we were there . It may interest you to know that there is a special supper planned there to raise money to buy more seats so that everyone will be able to sit in comfort . I would like to say that it pains me very much not to be able to go more regularly , but it is surely no lack of desire on my part , just that I am so busy most of the time . As we grow older , it - - - The trouble is that you think you have time - - - - - - Worry is the Interest , paid in advance , on a debt you may never owe - - - - - - It 's not what happens to you in life that is important ~ it 's what you do with it - - -
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Postby Kim OHara » Sun Jan 30 , 2011 10 : 37 am I thought I might be busy this evening dealing with a cyclone ( = hurricane in US - speak ) but it changed course so I 'm , a bit idle and a bit relieved . . . EVER WONDER # 2Q Why the sun lightens our hair , but darkens our skin ? A It doesn 't . Go to Indonesia , Madagascar , Angola , Mexico - just about anywhere there 's lots of sun - and you will see we all have black hair … oh , you 're white . You guys are seriously weird . Q Why women can 't put on mascara with their mouth closed ? A I 'm a bloke . I wouldn 't dare speculate . Q Why don 't you ever see the headline " Psychic Wins Lottery " ? A Because good psychics have the foresight to know that people would pester them forever after and bad psychics don 't win . Q Why is " abbreviated " such a long word ? A To make up for the shortness of " long . " Q Why is it that doctors call what they do " practice " ? A Everyone knows that practice makes perfect and doctors want perfect health for their patients . Q Why is it that to stop Windows 98 , you have to click on " Start " ? A Duh ! It 's Windows , dummy . * Q Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor , and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons ? A Lemon juice is made of sunlight and pure rainwater and good rich earth . What " lemon juice " is made of is something quite different and best not examined too closely . Q Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker ? A Because he ends up broker than his clients ? DO NOT LAUGH ! ! ! Q Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour ? A It 's the time everyone rushes for their cars , of course . Q Why isn 't there mouse - flavored cat food ? A There is . I know . Q When dog food is new and improved tasting , who tests it ? A See previous answer . Q Why didn 't Noah swat those two mosquitoes ? A He was wise enough to know that God , who is perfect in every way , could not possibly have made mosquitos without good reason and humble enough to accept that , although he had little understanding of the glorious complexity of the Web of Life , he should not interferTop Postby cooran » Mon Jan 31 , 2011 7 : 54 am heheheh1 . A day without sunshine is like night . 2 . On the other hand , you have different fingers . 3 . 42 . 7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot . 4 . Remember , half the people you know are below average . 5 . He who laughs last ; thinks slowest . 6 . The early bird may get the worm , but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap . 7 . Support bacteria . They 're the only culture most people have . 8 . A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory . 9 . Change is inevitable , except from vending machines . 10 . If you think nobody cares , try missing a couple of payments . 11 . How many of you believe in psycho - kinesis ? Raise my hand . 12 . OK , so what 's the speed of dark ? 13 . When everything is coming your way , you 're in the wrong lane . 14 . How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges ? 15 . Eagles may soar , but weasels don 't get sucked into jet engines . 16 . What happens if you get scared half to death , twice ? 17 . Why do psychics have to ask you your name ? 18 . Inside every older person is a younger person wondering , ' What the heck happened ? ' 19 . Just remember - - if the world didn 't suck , we would all fall off . 20 . Light travels faster than sound . That 's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak . 21 . Life isn 't like a box of chocolates . It 's more like a jar of jalapenos . What you do today , might burn your butt tomorrow . Postby tiltbillings » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 7 : 53 am This being is bound to samsara , kamma is his means for going beyond . - - SN I , 38 . " Of course it is happening inside your head , Harry , but why on earth should that mean that it is not real ? " HPatDH p . 723 >> Do you see a man wise [ enlightened / ariya ] in his own eyes ? There is more hope for a fool than for him . << - - Proverbs 26 : 12 Postby JimKai » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 4 : 33 pm Kare wrote : cooran wrote : Maybe this style , Kare ? Do not argue with an idiot . He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience . I want to die peacefully in my sleep , like my grandfather . . Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car . I asked God for a bike , but I know God doesn 't work that way . So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness . Not quite . The Norwegian ones in this category all are questions , and they all start with " Why cannot I . . . when . . . " . They are all very language specific , so they just don 't translate well . Some of them are real absurd . The one about Knox was rather lame , but it was the only one I could invent in English . Oh yes - another one just popped up : " Why can 't I quit , when biscuits ? " There is one absurd joke in finnish . Translated to english , it would be something like : " Want went to a store . A shovel . " It is known as the worst joke in the whole language , but it used to crack us up as kids ! Postby meindzai » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 5 : 15 pm Geeky physics joke I am giggling about today . I sent it to my 13 year old ( and very bright ) nephew who is home sick , and told him his homework is to explain it . The tachyon leaves . The bartender says " We don 't serve your kind here ! " A tachyon walks into a bar . - M Postby Kare » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 5 : 38 pm meindzai wrote : Geeky physics joke I am giggling about today . I sent it to my 13 year old ( and very bright ) nephew who is home sick , and told him his homework is to explain it . The tachyon leaves . The bartender says " We don 't serve your kind here ! " A tachyon walks into a bar . - MLooks like a lot of tachyons are writing e - mails these days . . . . Mettāya , Kåre Postby cooran » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 8 : 08 pm Hehheh - A Swiss man , looking for directions , pulls up at a bus stop where two Americans are waiting . " Entschuldigung , koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen ? " he asks . The two Americans just stare at him . " Excusez - moi , parlez vous Fracais ? " he tries . The two continue to stare . " Parlare Italiano ? " No response . " Hablan ustedes Espanol ? " Still nothing . The Swiss guy drives off , extremely disgusted . The first American turns to the second and says , " Y ' know , maybe we should learn a foreign language . " " Why ? " says the other . " That guy knew four languages , and it didn 't do him any good . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - A man mentioned to his landlord about the tenants in the apartment over his . " Many a night they stamp on the floor and shout till midnight . " When the landlord asked if it bothered him , he replied , " Not really , for I usually stay up and practice my trumpet till about that time most every night anyway . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Bill , Jim , and Scott were at a convention together and were sharing a large suite on the top of a 75 - story skyscraper . After a long day of meetings they were shocked to hear that the elevators in their hotel were broken and they would have to climb 75 flights of stairs to get to their room . Bill said to Jim and Scott , let 's break the monotony of this unpleasant task by concentrating on something interesting . I 'll tell jokes for 25 flights , and Jim can sing songs for 25 flights , and Scott can tell sad stories the rest of the way . At the 26th floor Bill stopped telling jokes and Jim began to sing . At the 51st floor Jim stopped singing and Scott began to tell sad stories . " I will tell my saddest story first , " he said . " I left the room key in the car ! " Postby Kare » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 9 : 28 pm cooran wrote : Hehheh - A Swiss man , looking for directions , pulls up at a bus stop where two Americans are waiting . " Entschuldigung , koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen ? " he asks . The two Americans just stare at him . " Excusez - moi , parlez vous Fracais ? " he tries . The two continue to stare . " Parlare Italiano ? " No response . " Hablan ustedes Espanol ? " Still nothing . The Swiss guy drives off , extremely disgusted . The first American turns to the second and says , " Y ' know , maybe we should learn a foreign language . " " Why ? " says the other . " That guy knew four languages , and it didn 't do him any good . " I feel that way myself at times . . . Mettāya , Kåre Postby cooran » Fri Feb 04 , 2011 7 : 57 am The judge frowned at the tired robber and said , " then you admit breaking into the same store on three successive nights ? " " Yes , your honor . " " And why was that ? " " Because my wife wanted a dress . " The judge check with his records , " But it says here you broke in three nights in a row ! " " Yes sir . She made me exchange it two times . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations . At closing time , he saw a fellow tumble out of the bar , trip on the curb , and try his keys in five different cars before he found his . Then he sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes . Everyone else left the bar and drove off . Finally he started his engine and began to pull away . The police officer was waiting for him . He stopped the driver , read him his rights and administered the Breathalyser test . The results showed a reading of 0 . 0 . The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be . The driver replied , " Tonight I 'm the designated decoy . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the other end . After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks , tentatively , " Um , would you mind if I chatted with you for a while ? " To which she responds by yelling , at the top of her lungs , " No , I won 't sleep with you tonight ! " By now , the entire bar is staring at them . Naturally , the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table . After a few minutes , the woman walks over to him and apologizes . She smiles at him and says , " I 'm sorry if I embarrassed you . You see , I 'm a graduate student in psychology and I 'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations . " To which he responds , at the top of his lungs , " What do you mean $ 200 ! " Postby cooran » Sat Feb 05 , 2011 9 : 15 am Two boy scouts went on a nature hike in the hills picking hickory nuts . Along the way , they filled their small pails and then started to fill their pockets and shirts . When they could hold no more nuts , they started down the country road until they came across a cemetery . The boys decided that would be a good place to stop and rest and divide out the nuts . The two boys sat in the shade of a large oak tree and unloaded their pockets and buckets by dumping all of the nuts in a large pile . In the process , two of them rolled away and rested near the road . The boys then proceeded to divide out the nuts . " One for you . One for me . One for you . One for me . " As they were doing this , another boy was passing by and happened to hear them . He looked into the cemetery , but could not see the boys , because they were obscured by the tree . He hesitated a moment and then ran back to town . " Father ! Father ! " he yelled as he entered his house . " The cemetery . Come quick ! " " What 's the matter ? " his father asked . " No time to explain , " the boy frantically panted . " Follow me ! " The boy and his father ran up the country road and stopped when they reached the cemetery . They stopped at the side of the road and all fell silent for a few moments . Then the father asked his son what was wrong . " Do you hear that ? " he whispered . Both people listened intently and heard the Scouts . " One for me . One for you . One for me . One for you . . . " The boy then blurted out , " The devil and the Lord are dividing the souls ! " The father was skeptical but silent - - until a few moments later as the Scouts completed dividing out the nuts and one Scout said to the other , " Now , as soon as we get those two nuts down by the road , we 'll have them all . " Postby cooran » Sun Feb 06 , 2011 8 : 58 am " But doctor , " lamented the young husband in counselling , " whenever Sue and I quarrel , she becomes historical . " " You mean , hysterical , " said the doctor . " No , historical . She is always digging up my past . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - After many sessions the psychiatrist says to his patient : Congratulations , Sir , you are cured . The patient says : Some cure . Before I was Alexander the Great . Now I 'm nobody . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Patient : Doctor I have a sore throat , I ache , and have a fever . Doctor : Sounds like some kind of virus . Patient : Everyone in the office has it . Doctor : Well then , maybe it 's a staff infection . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - A dentist , after completing work on a patient , came to him and asked ; " could you help me ? Could you give out a few of your loudest , most painful screams ? " The surprised patient said ; " why doctor , it wasn 't all that bad this time ! " The dentist said ; " there are so many people in the waiting room right now , and I don 't want to miss the four o ' clock train . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Postby cooran » Mon Feb 07 , 2011 9 : 18 am A mum was concerned about her kindergarten son walking to school . He didn 't want his mother to walk with him . She wanted to give him the feeling that he had some independence but yet know that he was safe . So she had an idea of how to handle it . She asked a neighbor if she would please follow him to school in the mornings , staying at a distance , so he probably wouldn 't notice her . The neighbor said that since she was up early with her toddler anyway , it would be a good way for them to get some exercise as well , so she agreed . The next school day , the neighbor and her little girl set out following behind Timmy as he walked to school with another neighbor girl he knew . She did this for the whole week . As the two walked and chatted , kicking stones and twigs , Timmy 's little friend noticed the same lady was following them as she seemed to do every day all week . Finally she said to Timmy , ' Have you noticed that lady following us to school all week ? Do you know her ? ' Timmy nonchalantly replied , ' Yeah , I know who she is . ' The little girl said , ' Well , who is she ? ' ' That 's just Shirley Goodnest , ' Timmy replied , ' and her daughter Marcy . ' ' Shirley Goodnest ? Who the heck is she and why is she following us ? ' Well , ' Timmy explained , ' every night my Mum makes me say the 23rd Psalm with my prayers , ' cuz she worries about me so much . And in the Psalm , it says , ' Shirley Goodnest and Marcy shall follow me all the days of my life ' , so I guess I 'll just have to get used to it ! ' Postby andre9999 » Mon Feb 07 , 2011 3 : 27 pm That was terrible . It reminds me of the joke : Q : " How many angels can you fit into a honda ? " A : " All of them . They all sing in one Accord . " Postby cooran » Tue Feb 08 , 2011 5 : 14 am How to give a cat a pill . 1 . Pick up the cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby . Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat 's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand . As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth . Allow cat to close mouth and swallow . 2 . Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa . Cradle cat in left Arm and repeat process . 3 . Take new pill from foil wrap , cradle cat in left arm , holding rear paws tightly with left hand . Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger . Hold mouth shut for a count of ten . 4 . Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees , hold front and rear paws , ignore growls emitted by cat . Get spouse to hold cat 's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth . Drop pill down ruler and rub cat 's throat vigorously . 5 . Retrieve cat from curtain rail , get another pill from foil wrap . Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains . Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later . 6 . Wrap cat in a large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with cat 's head just visible from below armpit . Put pill in end of a drinking straw , force cat 's mouth open with pencil and blow down straw . 7 . Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans , drink a beer to take away the taste . Apply Band - Aid to spouse 's forearm and remove blood from the carpet with soap and water . 8 . Tie the little angel 's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of the dining table . Find heavy pruning gloves from shed . Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak . Be rough about it . Hold head vertical and pour 2 pints of water down cat 's throat to wash down pill . 9 . Consume remainder of scotch . Get spouse to drive you to the Accident and Emergency clinic , sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill from your eye . Call furniture shop on way home t - - - The trouble is that you think you have time - - - - - - Worry is the Interest , paid in advance , on a debt you may never owe - - - - - - It 's not what happens to you in life that is important ~ it 's what you do with it - - - Postby Kim OHara » Tue Feb 08 , 2011 5 : 51 am This one turned up in my inbox yesterday and it 's an obvious soulmate to the joke above . . . How to wash a toilet 1 . Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1 / 8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl . 2 . Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom . 3 . In one smooth movement , put the cat in the toilet and close the lid . You may need to stand on the lid . . . 4 . The cat will self agitate and make ample suds . Never mind the noises that come from the toilet , the cat is actually enjoying this . 5 . Flush the toilet three or four times . This provides a ' power - wash ' and rinse ' . 6 . Have someone open the front door of your home . Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door . 7 . Stand behind the toilet as far as you can , and quickly lift the lid . 8 . The cat will rocket out of the toilet , streak through the bathroom , and run outside where he will dry himself off . 9 . Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean . Yours Sincerely , The Dog Top Postby Kaktus » Tue Feb 08 , 2011 8 : 05 am These quotes are from one of my favorite blogs : These are things people actually said in court , word for word , taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place . = = = = Q : Are you sexually active ? A : No , I just lie there . = = = = Q : What is your date of birth ? A : July fifteenth . Q : What year ? A : Every year . = = = = Q : What gear were you in at the moment of the impact ? A : Gucci sweats and Reeboks . = = = = Q : This myasthenia gravis , does it affect your memory at all ? A : Yes . Q : And in what ways does it affect your memory ? A : I forget . Q : You forget . Can you give us an example of something that you 've forgotten ? = = = = Q : What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning ? A : He said , " Where am I , Cathy ? " Q : And why did that upset you ? A : My name is Susan . = = = = Q : Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult ? A : We both do . Q : Voodoo ? A : We do . Q : You do ? A : Yes , voodoo . = = = = Q : Now doctor , isn 't it true that when a person dies in his sleep , he doesn 't know about it until the next morning ? = = = = Q : The youngest son , the twenty - year old , how old is he ? = = = = Q : Were you present when your picture was taken ? = = = = Q : So the date of conception ( of the baby ) was August 8th ? A : Yes . Q : And what were you doing at that time ? = = = = Q : She had three children , right ? A : Yes . Q : How many were boys ? A : None . Q : Were there any girls ? = = = = Q : How was your first marriage terminated ? A : By death . Q : And by whose death was it terminated ? = = = = Q : Can you describe the individual ? A : He was about medium height and had a beard . Q : Was this a male , or a female ? = = = = Q : Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney ? A : No , this is how I dress when I go to work . = = = = Q : Doctor , how many autopsies have you performed on dead people ? A : All my autopsies are performed on dead people . = = = = Q : All your responses must be oral , OK ? What school did you go to ? A : Oral . = = = = Q : Do you recaEnglish isn 't my native language . So please accept my apologies for my kind of spelling and grammar Top Postby cooran » Fri Feb 11 , 2011 9 : 06 am A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something . The driver screamed , lost control of the cab , nearly hit a bus , drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window . For a few moments everything was silent in the cab , then the driver said , " Please , don 't ever do that again . You scared the daylights out of me . " The passenger , who was also frightened , apologized and said he didn 't realize that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much , to which the driver replied , " I 'm sorry , it 's really not your fault at all . Today is my first day driving a cab , I have been driving a hearse for the last 25 years . Postby cooran » Sat Feb 12 , 2011 9 : 03 pm A rather old fashioned lady , always quite delicate and elegant , especially in her language , was planning a weeks holiday in Sydney with her husband , so she wrote to a particular camping ground and asked for a reservation . She wanted to make sure that the camping ground was fully equipped , but didn 't know quite how to ask about the toilet facilities . She just couldn 't bring herselfto write the word " toilet " in her letter . After much thought , she finally came up with the old fashioned term " Bathroom closet " but when she wrote it down , she still thought she was being too forward , so she started all over again , rewrote the letter , and referred to the bathroom closet as the B . C . " Does the camping ground have it 's own B . C . " is what she wrote . Well , the camping ground owner wasn 't a bit old fashioned , and he just couldn 't figure out what the old lady was talking about , so he showed the letter around a few of the campers and the only thing they could come up with was that B . C . stood for Baptist Church , so he wrote the following reply . Dear Madam , I regret very much the delay in answering your letter , but I now take the pleasure of informing you that a B . C . is located nine miles north of our camping ground , and is capable of seating 250 people at one time . I admit that it is quite a distance away if you are in the habit of going regularly but no doubt you will be pleased to know that a great number of campers go there and many take their lunches along and make a day of it . They usually arrive nice and early and stay quite late . The last time my wife and I went was six years ago , and it was so crowded we had to stand up the whole time we were there . It may interest you to know that there is a special supper planned there to raise money to buy more seats so that everyone will be able to sit in comfort . I would like to say that it pains me very much not to be able to go more regularly , but it is surely no lack of desire on my part , just that I am so busy most of the time . As we grow older , it - - - The trouble is that you think you have time - - - - - - Worry is the Interest , paid in advance , on a debt you may never owe - - - - - - It 's not what happens to you in life that is important ~ it 's what you do with it - - -
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Postby Kim OHara » Sun Jan 30 , 2011 10 : 37 am I thought I might be busy this evening dealing with a cyclone ( = hurricane in US - speak ) but it changed course so I 'm , a bit idle and a bit relieved . . . EVER WONDER # 2Q Why the sun lightens our hair , but darkens our skin ? A It doesn 't . Go to Indonesia , Madagascar , Angola , Mexico - just about anywhere there 's lots of sun - and you will see we all have black hair … oh , you 're white . You guys are seriously weird . Q Why women can 't put on mascara with their mouth closed ? A I 'm a bloke . I wouldn 't dare speculate . Q Why don 't you ever see the headline " Psychic Wins Lottery " ? A Because good psychics have the foresight to know that people would pester them forever after and bad psychics don 't win . Q Why is " abbreviated " such a long word ? A To make up for the shortness of " long . " Q Why is it that doctors call what they do " practice " ? A Everyone knows that practice makes perfect and doctors want perfect health for their patients . Q Why is it that to stop Windows 98 , you have to click on " Start " ? A Duh ! It 's Windows , dummy . * Q Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor , and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons ? A Lemon juice is made of sunlight and pure rainwater and good rich earth . What " lemon juice " is made of is something quite different and best not examined too closely . Q Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker ? A Because he ends up broker than his clients ? DO NOT LAUGH ! ! ! Q Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour ? A It 's the time everyone rushes for their cars , of course . Q Why isn 't there mouse - flavored cat food ? A There is . I know . Q When dog food is new and improved tasting , who tests it ? A See previous answer . Q Why didn 't Noah swat those two mosquitoes ? A He was wise enough to know that God , who is perfect in every way , could not possibly have made mosquitos without good reason and humble enough to accept that , although he had little understanding of the glorious complexity of the Web of Life , he should not interferTop Postby cooran » Mon Jan 31 , 2011 7 : 54 am heheheh1 . A day without sunshine is like night . 2 . On the other hand , you have different fingers . 3 . 42 . 7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot . 4 . Remember , half the people you know are below average . 5 . He who laughs last ; thinks slowest . 6 . The early bird may get the worm , but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap . 7 . Support bacteria . They 're the only culture most people have . 8 . A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory . 9 . Change is inevitable , except from vending machines . 10 . If you think nobody cares , try missing a couple of payments . 11 . How many of you believe in psycho - kinesis ? Raise my hand . 12 . OK , so what 's the speed of dark ? 13 . When everything is coming your way , you 're in the wrong lane . 14 . How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges ? 15 . Eagles may soar , but weasels don 't get sucked into jet engines . 16 . What happens if you get scared half to death , twice ? 17 . Why do psychics have to ask you your name ? 18 . Inside every older person is a younger person wondering , ' What the heck happened ? ' 19 . Just remember - - if the world didn 't suck , we would all fall off . 20 . Light travels faster than sound . That 's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak . 21 . Life isn 't like a box of chocolates . It 's more like a jar of jalapenos . What you do today , might burn your butt tomorrow . Postby tiltbillings » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 7 : 53 am This being is bound to samsara , kamma is his means for going beyond . - - SN I , 38 . " Of course it is happening inside your head , Harry , but why on earth should that mean that it is not real ? " HPatDH p . 723 >> Do you see a man wise [ enlightened / ariya ] in his own eyes ? There is more hope for a fool than for him . << - - Proverbs 26 : 12 Postby JimKai » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 4 : 33 pm Kare wrote : cooran wrote : Maybe this style , Kare ? Do not argue with an idiot . He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience . I want to die peacefully in my sleep , like my grandfather . . Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car . I asked God for a bike , but I know God doesn 't work that way . So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness . Not quite . The Norwegian ones in this category all are questions , and they all start with " Why cannot I . . . when . . . " . They are all very language specific , so they just don 't translate well . Some of them are real absurd . The one about Knox was rather lame , but it was the only one I could invent in English . Oh yes - another one just popped up : " Why can 't I quit , when biscuits ? " There is one absurd joke in finnish . Translated to english , it would be something like : " Want went to a store . A shovel . " It is known as the worst joke in the whole language , but it used to crack us up as kids ! Postby meindzai » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 5 : 15 pm Geeky physics joke I am giggling about today . I sent it to my 13 year old ( and very bright ) nephew who is home sick , and told him his homework is to explain it . The tachyon leaves . The bartender says " We don 't serve your kind here ! " A tachyon walks into a bar . - M Postby Kare » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 5 : 38 pm meindzai wrote : Geeky physics joke I am giggling about today . I sent it to my 13 year old ( and very bright ) nephew who is home sick , and told him his homework is to explain it . The tachyon leaves . The bartender says " We don 't serve your kind here ! " A tachyon walks into a bar . - MLooks like a lot of tachyons are writing e - mails these days . . . . Mettāya , Kåre Postby cooran » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 8 : 08 pm Hehheh - A Swiss man , looking for directions , pulls up at a bus stop where two Americans are waiting . " Entschuldigung , koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen ? " he asks . The two Americans just stare at him . " Excusez - moi , parlez vous Fracais ? " he tries . The two continue to stare . " Parlare Italiano ? " No response . " Hablan ustedes Espanol ? " Still nothing . The Swiss guy drives off , extremely disgusted . The first American turns to the second and says , " Y ' know , maybe we should learn a foreign language . " " Why ? " says the other . " That guy knew four languages , and it didn 't do him any good . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - A man mentioned to his landlord about the tenants in the apartment over his . " Many a night they stamp on the floor and shout till midnight . " When the landlord asked if it bothered him , he replied , " Not really , for I usually stay up and practice my trumpet till about that time most every night anyway . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Bill , Jim , and Scott were at a convention together and were sharing a large suite on the top of a 75 - story skyscraper . After a long day of meetings they were shocked to hear that the elevators in their hotel were broken and they would have to climb 75 flights of stairs to get to their room . Bill said to Jim and Scott , let 's break the monotony of this unpleasant task by concentrating on something interesting . I 'll tell jokes for 25 flights , and Jim can sing songs for 25 flights , and Scott can tell sad stories the rest of the way . At the 26th floor Bill stopped telling jokes and Jim began to sing . At the 51st floor Jim stopped singing and Scott began to tell sad stories . " I will tell my saddest story first , " he said . " I left the room key in the car ! " Postby Kare » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 9 : 28 pm cooran wrote : Hehheh - A Swiss man , looking for directions , pulls up at a bus stop where two Americans are waiting . " Entschuldigung , koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen ? " he asks . The two Americans just stare at him . " Excusez - moi , parlez vous Fracais ? " he tries . The two continue to stare . " Parlare Italiano ? " No response . " Hablan ustedes Espanol ? " Still nothing . The Swiss guy drives off , extremely disgusted . The first American turns to the second and says , " Y ' know , maybe we should learn a foreign language . " " Why ? " says the other . " That guy knew four languages , and it didn 't do him any good . " I feel that way myself at times . . . Mettāya , Kåre Postby cooran » Fri Feb 04 , 2011 7 : 57 am The judge frowned at the tired robber and said , " then you admit breaking into the same store on three successive nights ? " " Yes , your honor . " " And why was that ? " " Because my wife wanted a dress . " The judge check with his records , " But it says here you broke in three nights in a row ! " " Yes sir . She made me exchange it two times . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations . At closing time , he saw a fellow tumble out of the bar , trip on the curb , and try his keys in five different cars before he found his . Then he sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes . Everyone else left the bar and drove off . Finally he started his engine and began to pull away . The police officer was waiting for him . He stopped the driver , read him his rights and administered the Breathalyser test . The results showed a reading of 0 . 0 . The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be . The driver replied , " Tonight I 'm the designated decoy . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the other end . After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks , tentatively , " Um , would you mind if I chatted with you for a while ? " To which she responds by yelling , at the top of her lungs , " No , I won 't sleep with you tonight ! " By now , the entire bar is staring at them . Naturally , the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table . After a few minutes , the woman walks over to him and apologizes . She smiles at him and says , " I 'm sorry if I embarrassed you . You see , I 'm a graduate student in psychology and I 'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations . " To which he responds , at the top of his lungs , " What do you mean $ 200 ! " Postby cooran » Sat Feb 05 , 2011 9 : 15 am Two boy scouts went on a nature hike in the hills picking hickory nuts . Along the way , they filled their small pails and then started to fill their pockets and shirts . When they could hold no more nuts , they started down the country road until they came across a cemetery . The boys decided that would be a good place to stop and rest and divide out the nuts . The two boys sat in the shade of a large oak tree and unloaded their pockets and buckets by dumping all of the nuts in a large pile . In the process , two of them rolled away and rested near the road . The boys then proceeded to divide out the nuts . " One for you . One for me . One for you . One for me . " As they were doing this , another boy was passing by and happened to hear them . He looked into the cemetery , but could not see the boys , because they were obscured by the tree . He hesitated a moment and then ran back to town . " Father ! Father ! " he yelled as he entered his house . " The cemetery . Come quick ! " " What 's the matter ? " his father asked . " No time to explain , " the boy frantically panted . " Follow me ! " The boy and his father ran up the country road and stopped when they reached the cemetery . They stopped at the side of the road and all fell silent for a few moments . Then the father asked his son what was wrong . " Do you hear that ? " he whispered . Both people listened intently and heard the Scouts . " One for me . One for you . One for me . One for you . . . " The boy then blurted out , " The devil and the Lord are dividing the souls ! " The father was skeptical but silent - - until a few moments later as the Scouts completed dividing out the nuts and one Scout said to the other , " Now , as soon as we get those two nuts down by the road , we 'll have them all . " Postby cooran » Sun Feb 06 , 2011 8 : 58 am " But doctor , " lamented the young husband in counselling , " whenever Sue and I quarrel , she becomes historical . " " You mean , hysterical , " said the doctor . " No , historical . She is always digging up my past . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - After many sessions the psychiatrist says to his patient : Congratulations , Sir , you are cured . The patient says : Some cure . Before I was Alexander the Great . Now I 'm nobody . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Patient : Doctor I have a sore throat , I ache , and have a fever . Doctor : Sounds like some kind of virus . Patient : Everyone in the office has it . Doctor : Well then , maybe it 's a staff infection . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - A dentist , after completing work on a patient , came to him and asked ; " could you help me ? Could you give out a few of your loudest , most painful screams ? " The surprised patient said ; " why doctor , it wasn 't all that bad this time ! " The dentist said ; " there are so many people in the waiting room right now , and I don 't want to miss the four o ' clock train . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Postby cooran » Mon Feb 07 , 2011 9 : 18 am A mum was concerned about her kindergarten son walking to school . He didn 't want his mother to walk with him . She wanted to give him the feeling that he had some independence but yet know that he was safe . So she had an idea of how to handle it . She asked a neighbor if she would please follow him to school in the mornings , staying at a distance , so he probably wouldn 't notice her . The neighbor said that since she was up early with her toddler anyway , it would be a good way for them to get some exercise as well , so she agreed . The next school day , the neighbor and her little girl set out following behind Timmy as he walked to school with another neighbor girl he knew . She did this for the whole week . As the two walked and chatted , kicking stones and twigs , Timmy 's little friend noticed the same lady was following them as she seemed to do every day all week . Finally she said to Timmy , ' Have you noticed that lady following us to school all week ? Do you know her ? ' Timmy nonchalantly replied , ' Yeah , I know who she is . ' The little girl said , ' Well , who is she ? ' ' That 's just Shirley Goodnest , ' Timmy replied , ' and her daughter Marcy . ' ' Shirley Goodnest ? Who the heck is she and why is she following us ? ' Well , ' Timmy explained , ' every night my Mum makes me say the 23rd Psalm with my prayers , ' cuz she worries about me so much . And in the Psalm , it says , ' Shirley Goodnest and Marcy shall follow me all the days of my life ' , so I guess I 'll just have to get used to it ! ' Postby andre9999 » Mon Feb 07 , 2011 3 : 27 pm That was terrible . It reminds me of the joke : Q : " How many angels can you fit into a honda ? " A : " All of them . They all sing in one Accord . " Postby cooran » Tue Feb 08 , 2011 5 : 14 am How to give a cat a pill . 1 . Pick up the cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby . Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat 's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand . As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth . Allow cat to close mouth and swallow . 2 . Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa . Cradle cat in left Arm and repeat process . 3 . Take new pill from foil wrap , cradle cat in left arm , holding rear paws tightly with left hand . Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger . Hold mouth shut for a count of ten . 4 . Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees , hold front and rear paws , ignore growls emitted by cat . Get spouse to hold cat 's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth . Drop pill down ruler and rub cat 's throat vigorously . 5 . Retrieve cat from curtain rail , get another pill from foil wrap . Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains . Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later . 6 . Wrap cat in a large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with cat 's head just visible from below armpit . Put pill in end of a drinking straw , force cat 's mouth open with pencil and blow down straw . 7 . Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans , drink a beer to take away the taste . Apply Band - Aid to spouse 's forearm and remove blood from the carpet with soap and water . 8 . Tie the little angel 's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of the dining table . Find heavy pruning gloves from shed . Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak . Be rough about it . Hold head vertical and pour 2 pints of water down cat 's throat to wash down pill . 9 . Consume remainder of scotch . Get spouse to drive you to the Accident and Emergency clinic , sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill from your eye . Call furniture shop on way home t - - - The trouble is that you think you have time - - - - - - Worry is the Interest , paid in advance , on a debt you may never owe - - - - - - It 's not what happens to you in life that is important ~ it 's what you do with it - - - Postby Kim OHara » Tue Feb 08 , 2011 5 : 51 am This one turned up in my inbox yesterday and it 's an obvious soulmate to the joke above . . . How to wash a toilet 1 . Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1 / 8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl . 2 . Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom . 3 . In one smooth movement , put the cat in the toilet and close the lid . You may need to stand on the lid . . . 4 . The cat will self agitate and make ample suds . Never mind the noises that come from the toilet , the cat is actually enjoying this . 5 . Flush the toilet three or four times . This provides a ' power - wash ' and rinse ' . 6 . Have someone open the front door of your home . Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door . 7 . Stand behind the toilet as far as you can , and quickly lift the lid . 8 . The cat will rocket out of the toilet , streak through the bathroom , and run outside where he will dry himself off . 9 . Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean . Yours Sincerely , The Dog Top Postby Kaktus » Tue Feb 08 , 2011 8 : 05 am These quotes are from one of my favorite blogs : These are things people actually said in court , word for word , taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place . = = = = Q : Are you sexually active ? A : No , I just lie there . = = = = Q : What is your date of birth ? A : July fifteenth . Q : What year ? A : Every year . = = = = Q : What gear were you in at the moment of the impact ? A : Gucci sweats and Reeboks . = = = = Q : This myasthenia gravis , does it affect your memory at all ? A : Yes . Q : And in what ways does it affect your memory ? A : I forget . Q : You forget . Can you give us an example of something that you 've forgotten ? = = = = Q : What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning ? A : He said , " Where am I , Cathy ? " Q : And why did that upset you ? A : My name is Susan . = = = = Q : Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult ? A : We both do . Q : Voodoo ? A : We do . Q : You do ? A : Yes , voodoo . = = = = Q : Now doctor , isn 't it true that when a person dies in his sleep , he doesn 't know about it until the next morning ? = = = = Q : The youngest son , the twenty - year old , how old is he ? = = = = Q : Were you present when your picture was taken ? = = = = Q : So the date of conception ( of the baby ) was August 8th ? A : Yes . Q : And what were you doing at that time ? = = = = Q : She had three children , right ? A : Yes . Q : How many were boys ? A : None . Q : Were there any girls ? = = = = Q : How was your first marriage terminated ? A : By death . Q : And by whose death was it terminated ? = = = = Q : Can you describe the individual ? A : He was about medium height and had a beard . Q : Was this a male , or a female ? = = = = Q : Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney ? A : No , this is how I dress when I go to work . = = = = Q : Doctor , how many autopsies have you performed on dead people ? A : All my autopsies are performed on dead people . = = = = Q : All your responses must be oral , OK ? What school did you go to ? A : Oral . = = = = Q : Do you recaEnglish isn 't my native language . So please accept my apologies for my kind of spelling and grammar Top Postby cooran » Fri Feb 11 , 2011 9 : 06 am A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something . The driver screamed , lost control of the cab , nearly hit a bus , drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window . For a few moments everything was silent in the cab , then the driver said , " Please , don 't ever do that again . You scared the daylights out of me . " The passenger , who was also frightened , apologized and said he didn 't realize that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much , to which the driver replied , " I 'm sorry , it 's really not your fault at all . Today is my first day driving a cab , I have been driving a hearse for the last 25 years . Postby cooran » Sat Feb 12 , 2011 9 : 03 pm A rather old fashioned lady , always quite delicate and elegant , especially in her language , was planning a weeks holiday in Sydney with her husband , so she wrote to a particular camping ground and asked for a reservation . She wanted to make sure that the camping ground was fully equipped , but didn 't know quite how to ask about the toilet facilities . She just couldn 't bring herselfto write the word " toilet " in her letter . After much thought , she finally came up with the old fashioned term " Bathroom closet " but when she wrote it down , she still thought she was being too forward , so she started all over again , rewrote the letter , and referred to the bathroom closet as the B . C . " Does the camping ground have it 's own B . C . " is what she wrote . Well , the camping ground owner wasn 't a bit old fashioned , and he just couldn 't figure out what the old lady was talking about , so he showed the letter around a few of the campers and the only thing they could come up with was that B . C . stood for Baptist Church , so he wrote the following reply . Dear Madam , I regret very much the delay in answering your letter , but I now take the pleasure of informing you that a B . C . is located nine miles north of our camping ground , and is capable of seating 250 people at one time . I admit that it is quite a distance away if you are in the habit of going regularly but no doubt you will be pleased to know that a great number of campers go there and many take their lunches along and make a day of it . They usually arrive nice and early and stay quite late . The last time my wife and I went was six years ago , and it was so crowded we had to stand up the whole time we were there . It may interest you to know that there is a special supper planned there to raise money to buy more seats so that everyone will be able to sit in comfort . I would like to say that it pains me very much not to be able to go more regularly , but it is surely no lack of desire on my part , just that I am so busy most of the time . As we grow older , it - - - The trouble is that you think you have time - - - - - - Worry is the Interest , paid in advance , on a debt you may never owe - - - - - - It 's not what happens to you in life that is important ~ it 's what you do with it - - -
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Postby Kim OHara » Sun Jan 30 , 2011 10 : 37 am I thought I might be busy this evening dealing with a cyclone ( = hurricane in US - speak ) but it changed course so I 'm , a bit idle and a bit relieved . . . EVER WONDER # 2Q Why the sun lightens our hair , but darkens our skin ? A It doesn 't . Go to Indonesia , Madagascar , Angola , Mexico - just about anywhere there 's lots of sun - and you will see we all have black hair … oh , you 're white . You guys are seriously weird . Q Why women can 't put on mascara with their mouth closed ? A I 'm a bloke . I wouldn 't dare speculate . Q Why don 't you ever see the headline " Psychic Wins Lottery " ? A Because good psychics have the foresight to know that people would pester them forever after and bad psychics don 't win . Q Why is " abbreviated " such a long word ? A To make up for the shortness of " long . " Q Why is it that doctors call what they do " practice " ? A Everyone knows that practice makes perfect and doctors want perfect health for their patients . Q Why is it that to stop Windows 98 , you have to click on " Start " ? A Duh ! It 's Windows , dummy . * Q Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor , and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons ? A Lemon juice is made of sunlight and pure rainwater and good rich earth . What " lemon juice " is made of is something quite different and best not examined too closely . Q Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker ? A Because he ends up broker than his clients ? DO NOT LAUGH ! ! ! Q Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour ? A It 's the time everyone rushes for their cars , of course . Q Why isn 't there mouse - flavored cat food ? A There is . I know . Q When dog food is new and improved tasting , who tests it ? A See previous answer . Q Why didn 't Noah swat those two mosquitoes ? A He was wise enough to know that God , who is perfect in every way , could not possibly have made mosquitos without good reason and humble enough to accept that , although he had little understanding of the glorious complexity of the Web of Life , he should not interferTop Postby cooran » Mon Jan 31 , 2011 7 : 54 am heheheh1 . A day without sunshine is like night . 2 . On the other hand , you have different fingers . 3 . 42 . 7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot . 4 . Remember , half the people you know are below average . 5 . He who laughs last ; thinks slowest . 6 . The early bird may get the worm , but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap . 7 . Support bacteria . They 're the only culture most people have . 8 . A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory . 9 . Change is inevitable , except from vending machines . 10 . If you think nobody cares , try missing a couple of payments . 11 . How many of you believe in psycho - kinesis ? Raise my hand . 12 . OK , so what 's the speed of dark ? 13 . When everything is coming your way , you 're in the wrong lane . 14 . How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges ? 15 . Eagles may soar , but weasels don 't get sucked into jet engines . 16 . What happens if you get scared half to death , twice ? 17 . Why do psychics have to ask you your name ? 18 . Inside every older person is a younger person wondering , ' What the heck happened ? ' 19 . Just remember - - if the world didn 't suck , we would all fall off . 20 . Light travels faster than sound . That 's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak . 21 . Life isn 't like a box of chocolates . It 's more like a jar of jalapenos . What you do today , might burn your butt tomorrow . Postby tiltbillings » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 7 : 53 am This being is bound to samsara , kamma is his means for going beyond . - - SN I , 38 . " Of course it is happening inside your head , Harry , but why on earth should that mean that it is not real ? " HPatDH p . 723 >> Do you see a man wise [ enlightened / ariya ] in his own eyes ? There is more hope for a fool than for him . << - - Proverbs 26 : 12 Postby JimKai » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 4 : 33 pm Kare wrote : cooran wrote : Maybe this style , Kare ? Do not argue with an idiot . He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience . I want to die peacefully in my sleep , like my grandfather . . Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car . I asked God for a bike , but I know God doesn 't work that way . So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness . Not quite . The Norwegian ones in this category all are questions , and they all start with " Why cannot I . . . when . . . " . They are all very language specific , so they just don 't translate well . Some of them are real absurd . The one about Knox was rather lame , but it was the only one I could invent in English . Oh yes - another one just popped up : " Why can 't I quit , when biscuits ? " There is one absurd joke in finnish . Translated to english , it would be something like : " Want went to a store . A shovel . " It is known as the worst joke in the whole language , but it used to crack us up as kids ! Postby meindzai » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 5 : 15 pm Geeky physics joke I am giggling about today . I sent it to my 13 year old ( and very bright ) nephew who is home sick , and told him his homework is to explain it . The tachyon leaves . The bartender says " We don 't serve your kind here ! " A tachyon walks into a bar . - M Postby Kare » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 5 : 38 pm meindzai wrote : Geeky physics joke I am giggling about today . I sent it to my 13 year old ( and very bright ) nephew who is home sick , and told him his homework is to explain it . The tachyon leaves . The bartender says " We don 't serve your kind here ! " A tachyon walks into a bar . - MLooks like a lot of tachyons are writing e - mails these days . . . . Mettāya , Kåre Postby cooran » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 8 : 08 pm Hehheh - A Swiss man , looking for directions , pulls up at a bus stop where two Americans are waiting . " Entschuldigung , koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen ? " he asks . The two Americans just stare at him . " Excusez - moi , parlez vous Fracais ? " he tries . The two continue to stare . " Parlare Italiano ? " No response . " Hablan ustedes Espanol ? " Still nothing . The Swiss guy drives off , extremely disgusted . The first American turns to the second and says , " Y ' know , maybe we should learn a foreign language . " " Why ? " says the other . " That guy knew four languages , and it didn 't do him any good . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - A man mentioned to his landlord about the tenants in the apartment over his . " Many a night they stamp on the floor and shout till midnight . " When the landlord asked if it bothered him , he replied , " Not really , for I usually stay up and practice my trumpet till about that time most every night anyway . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Bill , Jim , and Scott were at a convention together and were sharing a large suite on the top of a 75 - story skyscraper . After a long day of meetings they were shocked to hear that the elevators in their hotel were broken and they would have to climb 75 flights of stairs to get to their room . Bill said to Jim and Scott , let 's break the monotony of this unpleasant task by concentrating on something interesting . I 'll tell jokes for 25 flights , and Jim can sing songs for 25 flights , and Scott can tell sad stories the rest of the way . At the 26th floor Bill stopped telling jokes and Jim began to sing . At the 51st floor Jim stopped singing and Scott began to tell sad stories . " I will tell my saddest story first , " he said . " I left the room key in the car ! " Postby Kare » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 9 : 28 pm cooran wrote : Hehheh - A Swiss man , looking for directions , pulls up at a bus stop where two Americans are waiting . " Entschuldigung , koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen ? " he asks . The two Americans just stare at him . " Excusez - moi , parlez vous Fracais ? " he tries . The two continue to stare . " Parlare Italiano ? " No response . " Hablan ustedes Espanol ? " Still nothing . The Swiss guy drives off , extremely disgusted . The first American turns to the second and says , " Y ' know , maybe we should learn a foreign language . " " Why ? " says the other . " That guy knew four languages , and it didn 't do him any good . " I feel that way myself at times . . . Mettāya , Kåre Postby cooran » Fri Feb 04 , 2011 7 : 57 am The judge frowned at the tired robber and said , " then you admit breaking into the same store on three successive nights ? " " Yes , your honor . " " And why was that ? " " Because my wife wanted a dress . " The judge check with his records , " But it says here you broke in three nights in a row ! " " Yes sir . She made me exchange it two times . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations . At closing time , he saw a fellow tumble out of the bar , trip on the curb , and try his keys in five different cars before he found his . Then he sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes . Everyone else left the bar and drove off . Finally he started his engine and began to pull away . The police officer was waiting for him . He stopped the driver , read him his rights and administered the Breathalyser test . The results showed a reading of 0 . 0 . The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be . The driver replied , " Tonight I 'm the designated decoy . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the other end . After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks , tentatively , " Um , would you mind if I chatted with you for a while ? " To which she responds by yelling , at the top of her lungs , " No , I won 't sleep with you tonight ! " By now , the entire bar is staring at them . Naturally , the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table . After a few minutes , the woman walks over to him and apologizes . She smiles at him and says , " I 'm sorry if I embarrassed you . You see , I 'm a graduate student in psychology and I 'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations . " To which he responds , at the top of his lungs , " What do you mean $ 200 ! " Postby cooran » Sat Feb 05 , 2011 9 : 15 am Two boy scouts went on a nature hike in the hills picking hickory nuts . Along the way , they filled their small pails and then started to fill their pockets and shirts . When they could hold no more nuts , they started down the country road until they came across a cemetery . The boys decided that would be a good place to stop and rest and divide out the nuts . The two boys sat in the shade of a large oak tree and unloaded their pockets and buckets by dumping all of the nuts in a large pile . In the process , two of them rolled away and rested near the road . The boys then proceeded to divide out the nuts . " One for you . One for me . One for you . One for me . " As they were doing this , another boy was passing by and happened to hear them . He looked into the cemetery , but could not see the boys , because they were obscured by the tree . He hesitated a moment and then ran back to town . " Father ! Father ! " he yelled as he entered his house . " The cemetery . Come quick ! " " What 's the matter ? " his father asked . " No time to explain , " the boy frantically panted . " Follow me ! " The boy and his father ran up the country road and stopped when they reached the cemetery . They stopped at the side of the road and all fell silent for a few moments . Then the father asked his son what was wrong . " Do you hear that ? " he whispered . Both people listened intently and heard the Scouts . " One for me . One for you . One for me . One for you . . . " The boy then blurted out , " The devil and the Lord are dividing the souls ! " The father was skeptical but silent - - until a few moments later as the Scouts completed dividing out the nuts and one Scout said to the other , " Now , as soon as we get those two nuts down by the road , we 'll have them all . " Postby cooran » Sun Feb 06 , 2011 8 : 58 am " But doctor , " lamented the young husband in counselling , " whenever Sue and I quarrel , she becomes historical . " " You mean , hysterical , " said the doctor . " No , historical . She is always digging up my past . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - After many sessions the psychiatrist says to his patient : Congratulations , Sir , you are cured . The patient says : Some cure . Before I was Alexander the Great . Now I 'm nobody . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Patient : Doctor I have a sore throat , I ache , and have a fever . Doctor : Sounds like some kind of virus . Patient : Everyone in the office has it . Doctor : Well then , maybe it 's a staff infection . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - A dentist , after completing work on a patient , came to him and asked ; " could you help me ? Could you give out a few of your loudest , most painful screams ? " The surprised patient said ; " why doctor , it wasn 't all that bad this time ! " The dentist said ; " there are so many people in the waiting room right now , and I don 't want to miss the four o ' clock train . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Postby cooran » Mon Feb 07 , 2011 9 : 18 am A mum was concerned about her kindergarten son walking to school . He didn 't want his mother to walk with him . She wanted to give him the feeling that he had some independence but yet know that he was safe . So she had an idea of how to handle it . She asked a neighbor if she would please follow him to school in the mornings , staying at a distance , so he probably wouldn 't notice her . The neighbor said that since she was up early with her toddler anyway , it would be a good way for them to get some exercise as well , so she agreed . The next school day , the neighbor and her little girl set out following behind Timmy as he walked to school with another neighbor girl he knew . She did this for the whole week . As the two walked and chatted , kicking stones and twigs , Timmy 's little friend noticed the same lady was following them as she seemed to do every day all week . Finally she said to Timmy , ' Have you noticed that lady following us to school all week ? Do you know her ? ' Timmy nonchalantly replied , ' Yeah , I know who she is . ' The little girl said , ' Well , who is she ? ' ' That 's just Shirley Goodnest , ' Timmy replied , ' and her daughter Marcy . ' ' Shirley Goodnest ? Who the heck is she and why is she following us ? ' Well , ' Timmy explained , ' every night my Mum makes me say the 23rd Psalm with my prayers , ' cuz she worries about me so much . And in the Psalm , it says , ' Shirley Goodnest and Marcy shall follow me all the days of my life ' , so I guess I 'll just have to get used to it ! ' Postby andre9999 » Mon Feb 07 , 2011 3 : 27 pm That was terrible . It reminds me of the joke : Q : " How many angels can you fit into a honda ? " A : " All of them . They all sing in one Accord . " Postby cooran » Tue Feb 08 , 2011 5 : 14 am How to give a cat a pill . 1 . Pick up the cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby . Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat 's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand . As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth . Allow cat to close mouth and swallow . 2 . Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa . Cradle cat in left Arm and repeat process . 3 . Take new pill from foil wrap , cradle cat in left arm , holding rear paws tightly with left hand . Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger . Hold mouth shut for a count of ten . 4 . Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees , hold front and rear paws , ignore growls emitted by cat . Get spouse to hold cat 's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth . Drop pill down ruler and rub cat 's throat vigorously . 5 . Retrieve cat from curtain rail , get another pill from foil wrap . Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains . Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later . 6 . Wrap cat in a large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with cat 's head just visible from below armpit . Put pill in end of a drinking straw , force cat 's mouth open with pencil and blow down straw . 7 . Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans , drink a beer to take away the taste . Apply Band - Aid to spouse 's forearm and remove blood from the carpet with soap and water . 8 . Tie the little angel 's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of the dining table . Find heavy pruning gloves from shed . Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak . Be rough about it . Hold head vertical and pour 2 pints of water down cat 's throat to wash down pill . 9 . Consume remainder of scotch . Get spouse to drive you to the Accident and Emergency clinic , sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill from your eye . Call furniture shop on way home t - - - The trouble is that you think you have time - - - - - - Worry is the Interest , paid in advance , on a debt you may never owe - - - - - - It 's not what happens to you in life that is important ~ it 's what you do with it - - - Postby Kim OHara » Tue Feb 08 , 2011 5 : 51 am This one turned up in my inbox yesterday and it 's an obvious soulmate to the joke above . . . How to wash a toilet 1 . Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1 / 8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl . 2 . Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom . 3 . In one smooth movement , put the cat in the toilet and close the lid . You may need to stand on the lid . . . 4 . The cat will self agitate and make ample suds . Never mind the noises that come from the toilet , the cat is actually enjoying this . 5 . Flush the toilet three or four times . This provides a ' power - wash ' and rinse ' . 6 . Have someone open the front door of your home . Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door . 7 . Stand behind the toilet as far as you can , and quickly lift the lid . 8 . The cat will rocket out of the toilet , streak through the bathroom , and run outside where he will dry himself off . 9 . Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean . Yours Sincerely , The Dog Top Postby Kaktus » Tue Feb 08 , 2011 8 : 05 am These quotes are from one of my favorite blogs : These are things people actually said in court , word for word , taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place . = = = = Q : Are you sexually active ? A : No , I just lie there . = = = = Q : What is your date of birth ? A : July fifteenth . Q : What year ? A : Every year . = = = = Q : What gear were you in at the moment of the impact ? A : Gucci sweats and Reeboks . = = = = Q : This myasthenia gravis , does it affect your memory at all ? A : Yes . Q : And in what ways does it affect your memory ? A : I forget . Q : You forget . Can you give us an example of something that you 've forgotten ? = = = = Q : What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning ? A : He said , " Where am I , Cathy ? " Q : And why did that upset you ? A : My name is Susan . = = = = Q : Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult ? A : We both do . Q : Voodoo ? A : We do . Q : You do ? A : Yes , voodoo . = = = = Q : Now doctor , isn 't it true that when a person dies in his sleep , he doesn 't know about it until the next morning ? = = = = Q : The youngest son , the twenty - year old , how old is he ? = = = = Q : Were you present when your picture was taken ? = = = = Q : So the date of conception ( of the baby ) was August 8th ? A : Yes . Q : And what were you doing at that time ? = = = = Q : She had three children , right ? A : Yes . Q : How many were boys ? A : None . Q : Were there any girls ? = = = = Q : How was your first marriage terminated ? A : By death . Q : And by whose death was it terminated ? = = = = Q : Can you describe the individual ? A : He was about medium height and had a beard . Q : Was this a male , or a female ? = = = = Q : Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney ? A : No , this is how I dress when I go to work . = = = = Q : Doctor , how many autopsies have you performed on dead people ? A : All my autopsies are performed on dead people . = = = = Q : All your responses must be oral , OK ? What school did you go to ? A : Oral . = = = = Q : Do you recaEnglish isn 't my native language . So please accept my apologies for my kind of spelling and grammar Top Postby cooran » Fri Feb 11 , 2011 9 : 06 am A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something . The driver screamed , lost control of the cab , nearly hit a bus , drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window . For a few moments everything was silent in the cab , then the driver said , " Please , don 't ever do that again . You scared the daylights out of me . " The passenger , who was also frightened , apologized and said he didn 't realize that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much , to which the driver replied , " I 'm sorry , it 's really not your fault at all . Today is my first day driving a cab , I have been driving a hearse for the last 25 years . Postby cooran » Sat Feb 12 , 2011 9 : 03 pm A rather old fashioned lady , always quite delicate and elegant , especially in her language , was planning a weeks holiday in Sydney with her husband , so she wrote to a particular camping ground and asked for a reservation . She wanted to make sure that the camping ground was fully equipped , but didn 't know quite how to ask about the toilet facilities . She just couldn 't bring herselfto write the word " toilet " in her letter . After much thought , she finally came up with the old fashioned term " Bathroom closet " but when she wrote it down , she still thought she was being too forward , so she started all over again , rewrote the letter , and referred to the bathroom closet as the B . C . " Does the camping ground have it 's own B . C . " is what she wrote . Well , the camping ground owner wasn 't a bit old fashioned , and he just couldn 't figure out what the old lady was talking about , so he showed the letter around a few of the campers and the only thing they could come up with was that B . C . stood for Baptist Church , so he wrote the following reply . Dear Madam , I regret very much the delay in answering your letter , but I now take the pleasure of informing you that a B . C . is located nine miles north of our camping ground , and is capable of seating 250 people at one time . I admit that it is quite a distance away if you are in the habit of going regularly but no doubt you will be pleased to know that a great number of campers go there and many take their lunches along and make a day of it . They usually arrive nice and early and stay quite late . The last time my wife and I went was six years ago , and it was so crowded we had to stand up the whole time we were there . It may interest you to know that there is a special supper planned there to raise money to buy more seats so that everyone will be able to sit in comfort . I would like to say that it pains me very much not to be able to go more regularly , but it is surely no lack of desire on my part , just that I am so busy most of the time . As we grow older , it - - - The trouble is that you think you have time - - - - - - Worry is the Interest , paid in advance , on a debt you may never owe - - - - - - It 's not what happens to you in life that is important ~ it 's what you do with it - - -
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Postby Kim OHara » Sun Jan 30 , 2011 10 : 37 am I thought I might be busy this evening dealing with a cyclone ( = hurricane in US - speak ) but it changed course so I 'm , a bit idle and a bit relieved . . . EVER WONDER # 2Q Why the sun lightens our hair , but darkens our skin ? A It doesn 't . Go to Indonesia , Madagascar , Angola , Mexico - just about anywhere there 's lots of sun - and you will see we all have black hair … oh , you 're white . You guys are seriously weird . Q Why women can 't put on mascara with their mouth closed ? A I 'm a bloke . I wouldn 't dare speculate . Q Why don 't you ever see the headline " Psychic Wins Lottery " ? A Because good psychics have the foresight to know that people would pester them forever after and bad psychics don 't win . Q Why is " abbreviated " such a long word ? A To make up for the shortness of " long . " Q Why is it that doctors call what they do " practice " ? A Everyone knows that practice makes perfect and doctors want perfect health for their patients . Q Why is it that to stop Windows 98 , you have to click on " Start " ? A Duh ! It 's Windows , dummy . * Q Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor , and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons ? A Lemon juice is made of sunlight and pure rainwater and good rich earth . What " lemon juice " is made of is something quite different and best not examined too closely . Q Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker ? A Because he ends up broker than his clients ? DO NOT LAUGH ! ! ! Q Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour ? A It 's the time everyone rushes for their cars , of course . Q Why isn 't there mouse - flavored cat food ? A There is . I know . Q When dog food is new and improved tasting , who tests it ? A See previous answer . Q Why didn 't Noah swat those two mosquitoes ? A He was wise enough to know that God , who is perfect in every way , could not possibly have made mosquitos without good reason and humble enough to accept that , although he had little understanding of the glorious complexity of the Web of Life , he should not interferTop Postby cooran » Mon Jan 31 , 2011 7 : 54 am heheheh1 . A day without sunshine is like night . 2 . On the other hand , you have different fingers . 3 . 42 . 7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot . 4 . Remember , half the people you know are below average . 5 . He who laughs last ; thinks slowest . 6 . The early bird may get the worm , but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap . 7 . Support bacteria . They 're the only culture most people have . 8 . A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory . 9 . Change is inevitable , except from vending machines . 10 . If you think nobody cares , try missing a couple of payments . 11 . How many of you believe in psycho - kinesis ? Raise my hand . 12 . OK , so what 's the speed of dark ? 13 . When everything is coming your way , you 're in the wrong lane . 14 . How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges ? 15 . Eagles may soar , but weasels don 't get sucked into jet engines . 16 . What happens if you get scared half to death , twice ? 17 . Why do psychics have to ask you your name ? 18 . Inside every older person is a younger person wondering , ' What the heck happened ? ' 19 . Just remember - - if the world didn 't suck , we would all fall off . 20 . Light travels faster than sound . That 's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak . 21 . Life isn 't like a box of chocolates . It 's more like a jar of jalapenos . What you do today , might burn your butt tomorrow . Postby tiltbillings » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 7 : 53 am This being is bound to samsara , kamma is his means for going beyond . - - SN I , 38 . " Of course it is happening inside your head , Harry , but why on earth should that mean that it is not real ? " HPatDH p . 723 >> Do you see a man wise [ enlightened / ariya ] in his own eyes ? There is more hope for a fool than for him . << - - Proverbs 26 : 12 Postby JimKai » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 4 : 33 pm Kare wrote : cooran wrote : Maybe this style , Kare ? Do not argue with an idiot . He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience . I want to die peacefully in my sleep , like my grandfather . . Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car . I asked God for a bike , but I know God doesn 't work that way . So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness . Not quite . The Norwegian ones in this category all are questions , and they all start with " Why cannot I . . . when . . . " . They are all very language specific , so they just don 't translate well . Some of them are real absurd . The one about Knox was rather lame , but it was the only one I could invent in English . Oh yes - another one just popped up : " Why can 't I quit , when biscuits ? " There is one absurd joke in finnish . Translated to english , it would be something like : " Want went to a store . A shovel . " It is known as the worst joke in the whole language , but it used to crack us up as kids ! Postby meindzai » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 5 : 15 pm Geeky physics joke I am giggling about today . I sent it to my 13 year old ( and very bright ) nephew who is home sick , and told him his homework is to explain it . The tachyon leaves . The bartender says " We don 't serve your kind here ! " A tachyon walks into a bar . - M Postby Kare » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 5 : 38 pm meindzai wrote : Geeky physics joke I am giggling about today . I sent it to my 13 year old ( and very bright ) nephew who is home sick , and told him his homework is to explain it . The tachyon leaves . The bartender says " We don 't serve your kind here ! " A tachyon walks into a bar . - MLooks like a lot of tachyons are writing e - mails these days . . . . Mettāya , Kåre Postby cooran » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 8 : 08 pm Hehheh - A Swiss man , looking for directions , pulls up at a bus stop where two Americans are waiting . " Entschuldigung , koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen ? " he asks . The two Americans just stare at him . " Excusez - moi , parlez vous Fracais ? " he tries . The two continue to stare . " Parlare Italiano ? " No response . " Hablan ustedes Espanol ? " Still nothing . The Swiss guy drives off , extremely disgusted . The first American turns to the second and says , " Y ' know , maybe we should learn a foreign language . " " Why ? " says the other . " That guy knew four languages , and it didn 't do him any good . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - A man mentioned to his landlord about the tenants in the apartment over his . " Many a night they stamp on the floor and shout till midnight . " When the landlord asked if it bothered him , he replied , " Not really , for I usually stay up and practice my trumpet till about that time most every night anyway . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Bill , Jim , and Scott were at a convention together and were sharing a large suite on the top of a 75 - story skyscraper . After a long day of meetings they were shocked to hear that the elevators in their hotel were broken and they would have to climb 75 flights of stairs to get to their room . Bill said to Jim and Scott , let 's break the monotony of this unpleasant task by concentrating on something interesting . I 'll tell jokes for 25 flights , and Jim can sing songs for 25 flights , and Scott can tell sad stories the rest of the way . At the 26th floor Bill stopped telling jokes and Jim began to sing . At the 51st floor Jim stopped singing and Scott began to tell sad stories . " I will tell my saddest story first , " he said . " I left the room key in the car ! " Postby Kare » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 9 : 28 pm cooran wrote : Hehheh - A Swiss man , looking for directions , pulls up at a bus stop where two Americans are waiting . " Entschuldigung , koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen ? " he asks . The two Americans just stare at him . " Excusez - moi , parlez vous Fracais ? " he tries . The two continue to stare . " Parlare Italiano ? " No response . " Hablan ustedes Espanol ? " Still nothing . The Swiss guy drives off , extremely disgusted . The first American turns to the second and says , " Y ' know , maybe we should learn a foreign language . " " Why ? " says the other . " That guy knew four languages , and it didn 't do him any good . " I feel that way myself at times . . . Mettāya , Kåre Postby cooran » Fri Feb 04 , 2011 7 : 57 am The judge frowned at the tired robber and said , " then you admit breaking into the same store on three successive nights ? " " Yes , your honor . " " And why was that ? " " Because my wife wanted a dress . " The judge check with his records , " But it says here you broke in three nights in a row ! " " Yes sir . She made me exchange it two times . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations . At closing time , he saw a fellow tumble out of the bar , trip on the curb , and try his keys in five different cars before he found his . Then he sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes . Everyone else left the bar and drove off . Finally he started his engine and began to pull away . The police officer was waiting for him . He stopped the driver , read him his rights and administered the Breathalyser test . The results showed a reading of 0 . 0 . The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be . The driver replied , " Tonight I 'm the designated decoy . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the other end . After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks , tentatively , " Um , would you mind if I chatted with you for a while ? " To which she responds by yelling , at the top of her lungs , " No , I won 't sleep with you tonight ! " By now , the entire bar is staring at them . Naturally , the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table . After a few minutes , the woman walks over to him and apologizes . She smiles at him and says , " I 'm sorry if I embarrassed you . You see , I 'm a graduate student in psychology and I 'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations . " To which he responds , at the top of his lungs , " What do you mean $ 200 ! " Postby cooran » Sat Feb 05 , 2011 9 : 15 am Two boy scouts went on a nature hike in the hills picking hickory nuts . Along the way , they filled their small pails and then started to fill their pockets and shirts . When they could hold no more nuts , they started down the country road until they came across a cemetery . The boys decided that would be a good place to stop and rest and divide out the nuts . The two boys sat in the shade of a large oak tree and unloaded their pockets and buckets by dumping all of the nuts in a large pile . In the process , two of them rolled away and rested near the road . The boys then proceeded to divide out the nuts . " One for you . One for me . One for you . One for me . " As they were doing this , another boy was passing by and happened to hear them . He looked into the cemetery , but could not see the boys , because they were obscured by the tree . He hesitated a moment and then ran back to town . " Father ! Father ! " he yelled as he entered his house . " The cemetery . Come quick ! " " What 's the matter ? " his father asked . " No time to explain , " the boy frantically panted . " Follow me ! " The boy and his father ran up the country road and stopped when they reached the cemetery . They stopped at the side of the road and all fell silent for a few moments . Then the father asked his son what was wrong . " Do you hear that ? " he whispered . Both people listened intently and heard the Scouts . " One for me . One for you . One for me . One for you . . . " The boy then blurted out , " The devil and the Lord are dividing the souls ! " The father was skeptical but silent - - until a few moments later as the Scouts completed dividing out the nuts and one Scout said to the other , " Now , as soon as we get those two nuts down by the road , we 'll have them all . " Postby cooran » Sun Feb 06 , 2011 8 : 58 am " But doctor , " lamented the young husband in counselling , " whenever Sue and I quarrel , she becomes historical . " " You mean , hysterical , " said the doctor . " No , historical . She is always digging up my past . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - After many sessions the psychiatrist says to his patient : Congratulations , Sir , you are cured . The patient says : Some cure . Before I was Alexander the Great . Now I 'm nobody . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Patient : Doctor I have a sore throat , I ache , and have a fever . Doctor : Sounds like some kind of virus . Patient : Everyone in the office has it . Doctor : Well then , maybe it 's a staff infection . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - A dentist , after completing work on a patient , came to him and asked ; " could you help me ? Could you give out a few of your loudest , most painful screams ? " The surprised patient said ; " why doctor , it wasn 't all that bad this time ! " The dentist said ; " there are so many people in the waiting room right now , and I don 't want to miss the four o ' clock train . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Postby cooran » Mon Feb 07 , 2011 9 : 18 am A mum was concerned about her kindergarten son walking to school . He didn 't want his mother to walk with him . She wanted to give him the feeling that he had some independence but yet know that he was safe . So she had an idea of how to handle it . She asked a neighbor if she would please follow him to school in the mornings , staying at a distance , so he probably wouldn 't notice her . The neighbor said that since she was up early with her toddler anyway , it would be a good way for them to get some exercise as well , so she agreed . The next school day , the neighbor and her little girl set out following behind Timmy as he walked to school with another neighbor girl he knew . She did this for the whole week . As the two walked and chatted , kicking stones and twigs , Timmy 's little friend noticed the same lady was following them as she seemed to do every day all week . Finally she said to Timmy , ' Have you noticed that lady following us to school all week ? Do you know her ? ' Timmy nonchalantly replied , ' Yeah , I know who she is . ' The little girl said , ' Well , who is she ? ' ' That 's just Shirley Goodnest , ' Timmy replied , ' and her daughter Marcy . ' ' Shirley Goodnest ? Who the heck is she and why is she following us ? ' Well , ' Timmy explained , ' every night my Mum makes me say the 23rd Psalm with my prayers , ' cuz she worries about me so much . And in the Psalm , it says , ' Shirley Goodnest and Marcy shall follow me all the days of my life ' , so I guess I 'll just have to get used to it ! ' Postby andre9999 » Mon Feb 07 , 2011 3 : 27 pm That was terrible . It reminds me of the joke : Q : " How many angels can you fit into a honda ? " A : " All of them . They all sing in one Accord . " Postby cooran » Tue Feb 08 , 2011 5 : 14 am How to give a cat a pill . 1 . Pick up the cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby . Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat 's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand . As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth . Allow cat to close mouth and swallow . 2 . Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa . Cradle cat in left Arm and repeat process . 3 . Take new pill from foil wrap , cradle cat in left arm , holding rear paws tightly with left hand . Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger . Hold mouth shut for a count of ten . 4 . Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees , hold front and rear paws , ignore growls emitted by cat . Get spouse to hold cat 's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth . Drop pill down ruler and rub cat 's throat vigorously . 5 . Retrieve cat from curtain rail , get another pill from foil wrap . Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains . Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later . 6 . Wrap cat in a large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with cat 's head just visible from below armpit . Put pill in end of a drinking straw , force cat 's mouth open with pencil and blow down straw . 7 . Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans , drink a beer to take away the taste . Apply Band - Aid to spouse 's forearm and remove blood from the carpet with soap and water . 8 . Tie the little angel 's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of the dining table . Find heavy pruning gloves from shed . Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak . Be rough about it . Hold head vertical and pour 2 pints of water down cat 's throat to wash down pill . 9 . Consume remainder of scotch . Get spouse to drive you to the Accident and Emergency clinic , sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill from your eye . Call furniture shop on way home t - - - The trouble is that you think you have time - - - - - - Worry is the Interest , paid in advance , on a debt you may never owe - - - - - - It 's not what happens to you in life that is important ~ it 's what you do with it - - - Postby Kim OHara » Tue Feb 08 , 2011 5 : 51 am This one turned up in my inbox yesterday and it 's an obvious soulmate to the joke above . . . How to wash a toilet 1 . Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1 / 8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl . 2 . Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom . 3 . In one smooth movement , put the cat in the toilet and close the lid . You may need to stand on the lid . . . 4 . The cat will self agitate and make ample suds . Never mind the noises that come from the toilet , the cat is actually enjoying this . 5 . Flush the toilet three or four times . This provides a ' power - wash ' and rinse ' . 6 . Have someone open the front door of your home . Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door . 7 . Stand behind the toilet as far as you can , and quickly lift the lid . 8 . The cat will rocket out of the toilet , streak through the bathroom , and run outside where he will dry himself off . 9 . Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean . Yours Sincerely , The Dog Top Postby Kaktus » Tue Feb 08 , 2011 8 : 05 am These quotes are from one of my favorite blogs : These are things people actually said in court , word for word , taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place . = = = = Q : Are you sexually active ? A : No , I just lie there . = = = = Q : What is your date of birth ? A : July fifteenth . Q : What year ? A : Every year . = = = = Q : What gear were you in at the moment of the impact ? A : Gucci sweats and Reeboks . = = = = Q : This myasthenia gravis , does it affect your memory at all ? A : Yes . Q : And in what ways does it affect your memory ? A : I forget . Q : You forget . Can you give us an example of something that you 've forgotten ? = = = = Q : What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning ? A : He said , " Where am I , Cathy ? " Q : And why did that upset you ? A : My name is Susan . = = = = Q : Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult ? A : We both do . Q : Voodoo ? A : We do . Q : You do ? A : Yes , voodoo . = = = = Q : Now doctor , isn 't it true that when a person dies in his sleep , he doesn 't know about it until the next morning ? = = = = Q : The youngest son , the twenty - year old , how old is he ? = = = = Q : Were you present when your picture was taken ? = = = = Q : So the date of conception ( of the baby ) was August 8th ? A : Yes . Q : And what were you doing at that time ? = = = = Q : She had three children , right ? A : Yes . Q : How many were boys ? A : None . Q : Were there any girls ? = = = = Q : How was your first marriage terminated ? A : By death . Q : And by whose death was it terminated ? = = = = Q : Can you describe the individual ? A : He was about medium height and had a beard . Q : Was this a male , or a female ? = = = = Q : Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney ? A : No , this is how I dress when I go to work . = = = = Q : Doctor , how many autopsies have you performed on dead people ? A : All my autopsies are performed on dead people . = = = = Q : All your responses must be oral , OK ? What school did you go to ? A : Oral . = = = = Q : Do you recaEnglish isn 't my native language . So please accept my apologies for my kind of spelling and grammar Top Postby cooran » Fri Feb 11 , 2011 9 : 06 am A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something . The driver screamed , lost control of the cab , nearly hit a bus , drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window . For a few moments everything was silent in the cab , then the driver said , " Please , don 't ever do that again . You scared the daylights out of me . " The passenger , who was also frightened , apologized and said he didn 't realize that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much , to which the driver replied , " I 'm sorry , it 's really not your fault at all . Today is my first day driving a cab , I have been driving a hearse for the last 25 years . Postby cooran » Sat Feb 12 , 2011 9 : 03 pm A rather old fashioned lady , always quite delicate and elegant , especially in her language , was planning a weeks holiday in Sydney with her husband , so she wrote to a particular camping ground and asked for a reservation . She wanted to make sure that the camping ground was fully equipped , but didn 't know quite how to ask about the toilet facilities . She just couldn 't bring herselfto write the word " toilet " in her letter . After much thought , she finally came up with the old fashioned term " Bathroom closet " but when she wrote it down , she still thought she was being too forward , so she started all over again , rewrote the letter , and referred to the bathroom closet as the B . C . " Does the camping ground have it 's own B . C . " is what she wrote . Well , the camping ground owner wasn 't a bit old fashioned , and he just couldn 't figure out what the old lady was talking about , so he showed the letter around a few of the campers and the only thing they could come up with was that B . C . stood for Baptist Church , so he wrote the following reply . Dear Madam , I regret very much the delay in answering your letter , but I now take the pleasure of informing you that a B . C . is located nine miles north of our camping ground , and is capable of seating 250 people at one time . I admit that it is quite a distance away if you are in the habit of going regularly but no doubt you will be pleased to know that a great number of campers go there and many take their lunches along and make a day of it . They usually arrive nice and early and stay quite late . The last time my wife and I went was six years ago , and it was so crowded we had to stand up the whole time we were there . It may interest you to know that there is a special supper planned there to raise money to buy more seats so that everyone will be able to sit in comfort . I would like to say that it pains me very much not to be able to go more regularly , but it is surely no lack of desire on my part , just that I am so busy most of the time . As we grow older , it - - - The trouble is that you think you have time - - - - - - Worry is the Interest , paid in advance , on a debt you may never owe - - - - - - It 's not what happens to you in life that is important ~ it 's what you do with it - - -
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Postby Kim OHara » Sun Jan 30 , 2011 10 : 37 am I thought I might be busy this evening dealing with a cyclone ( = hurricane in US - speak ) but it changed course so I 'm , a bit idle and a bit relieved . . . EVER WONDER # 2Q Why the sun lightens our hair , but darkens our skin ? A It doesn 't . Go to Indonesia , Madagascar , Angola , Mexico - just about anywhere there 's lots of sun - and you will see we all have black hair … oh , you 're white . You guys are seriously weird . Q Why women can 't put on mascara with their mouth closed ? A I 'm a bloke . I wouldn 't dare speculate . Q Why don 't you ever see the headline " Psychic Wins Lottery " ? A Because good psychics have the foresight to know that people would pester them forever after and bad psychics don 't win . Q Why is " abbreviated " such a long word ? A To make up for the shortness of " long . " Q Why is it that doctors call what they do " practice " ? A Everyone knows that practice makes perfect and doctors want perfect health for their patients . Q Why is it that to stop Windows 98 , you have to click on " Start " ? A Duh ! It 's Windows , dummy . * Q Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor , and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons ? A Lemon juice is made of sunlight and pure rainwater and good rich earth . What " lemon juice " is made of is something quite different and best not examined too closely . Q Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker ? A Because he ends up broker than his clients ? DO NOT LAUGH ! ! ! Q Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour ? A It 's the time everyone rushes for their cars , of course . Q Why isn 't there mouse - flavored cat food ? A There is . I know . Q When dog food is new and improved tasting , who tests it ? A See previous answer . Q Why didn 't Noah swat those two mosquitoes ? A He was wise enough to know that God , who is perfect in every way , could not possibly have made mosquitos without good reason and humble enough to accept that , although he had little understanding of the glorious complexity of the Web of Life , he should not interferTop Postby cooran » Mon Jan 31 , 2011 7 : 54 am heheheh1 . A day without sunshine is like night . 2 . On the other hand , you have different fingers . 3 . 42 . 7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot . 4 . Remember , half the people you know are below average . 5 . He who laughs last ; thinks slowest . 6 . The early bird may get the worm , but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap . 7 . Support bacteria . They 're the only culture most people have . 8 . A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory . 9 . Change is inevitable , except from vending machines . 10 . If you think nobody cares , try missing a couple of payments . 11 . How many of you believe in psycho - kinesis ? Raise my hand . 12 . OK , so what 's the speed of dark ? 13 . When everything is coming your way , you 're in the wrong lane . 14 . How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges ? 15 . Eagles may soar , but weasels don 't get sucked into jet engines . 16 . What happens if you get scared half to death , twice ? 17 . Why do psychics have to ask you your name ? 18 . Inside every older person is a younger person wondering , ' What the heck happened ? ' 19 . Just remember - - if the world didn 't suck , we would all fall off . 20 . Light travels faster than sound . That 's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak . 21 . Life isn 't like a box of chocolates . It 's more like a jar of jalapenos . What you do today , might burn your butt tomorrow . Postby tiltbillings » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 7 : 53 am This being is bound to samsara , kamma is his means for going beyond . - - SN I , 38 . " Of course it is happening inside your head , Harry , but why on earth should that mean that it is not real ? " HPatDH p . 723 >> Do you see a man wise [ enlightened / ariya ] in his own eyes ? There is more hope for a fool than for him . << - - Proverbs 26 : 12 Postby JimKai » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 4 : 33 pm Kare wrote : cooran wrote : Maybe this style , Kare ? Do not argue with an idiot . He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience . I want to die peacefully in my sleep , like my grandfather . . Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car . I asked God for a bike , but I know God doesn 't work that way . So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness . Not quite . The Norwegian ones in this category all are questions , and they all start with " Why cannot I . . . when . . . " . They are all very language specific , so they just don 't translate well . Some of them are real absurd . The one about Knox was rather lame , but it was the only one I could invent in English . Oh yes - another one just popped up : " Why can 't I quit , when biscuits ? " There is one absurd joke in finnish . Translated to english , it would be something like : " Want went to a store . A shovel . " It is known as the worst joke in the whole language , but it used to crack us up as kids ! Postby meindzai » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 5 : 15 pm Geeky physics joke I am giggling about today . I sent it to my 13 year old ( and very bright ) nephew who is home sick , and told him his homework is to explain it . The tachyon leaves . The bartender says " We don 't serve your kind here ! " A tachyon walks into a bar . - M Postby Kare » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 5 : 38 pm meindzai wrote : Geeky physics joke I am giggling about today . I sent it to my 13 year old ( and very bright ) nephew who is home sick , and told him his homework is to explain it . The tachyon leaves . The bartender says " We don 't serve your kind here ! " A tachyon walks into a bar . - MLooks like a lot of tachyons are writing e - mails these days . . . . Mettāya , Kåre Postby cooran » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 8 : 08 pm Hehheh - A Swiss man , looking for directions , pulls up at a bus stop where two Americans are waiting . " Entschuldigung , koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen ? " he asks . The two Americans just stare at him . " Excusez - moi , parlez vous Fracais ? " he tries . The two continue to stare . " Parlare Italiano ? " No response . " Hablan ustedes Espanol ? " Still nothing . The Swiss guy drives off , extremely disgusted . The first American turns to the second and says , " Y ' know , maybe we should learn a foreign language . " " Why ? " says the other . " That guy knew four languages , and it didn 't do him any good . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - A man mentioned to his landlord about the tenants in the apartment over his . " Many a night they stamp on the floor and shout till midnight . " When the landlord asked if it bothered him , he replied , " Not really , for I usually stay up and practice my trumpet till about that time most every night anyway . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Bill , Jim , and Scott were at a convention together and were sharing a large suite on the top of a 75 - story skyscraper . After a long day of meetings they were shocked to hear that the elevators in their hotel were broken and they would have to climb 75 flights of stairs to get to their room . Bill said to Jim and Scott , let 's break the monotony of this unpleasant task by concentrating on something interesting . I 'll tell jokes for 25 flights , and Jim can sing songs for 25 flights , and Scott can tell sad stories the rest of the way . At the 26th floor Bill stopped telling jokes and Jim began to sing . At the 51st floor Jim stopped singing and Scott began to tell sad stories . " I will tell my saddest story first , " he said . " I left the room key in the car ! " Postby Kare » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 9 : 28 pm cooran wrote : Hehheh - A Swiss man , looking for directions , pulls up at a bus stop where two Americans are waiting . " Entschuldigung , koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen ? " he asks . The two Americans just stare at him . " Excusez - moi , parlez vous Fracais ? " he tries . The two continue to stare . " Parlare Italiano ? " No response . " Hablan ustedes Espanol ? " Still nothing . The Swiss guy drives off , extremely disgusted . The first American turns to the second and says , " Y ' know , maybe we should learn a foreign language . " " Why ? " says the other . " That guy knew four languages , and it didn 't do him any good . " I feel that way myself at times . . . Mettāya , Kåre Postby cooran » Fri Feb 04 , 2011 7 : 57 am The judge frowned at the tired robber and said , " then you admit breaking into the same store on three successive nights ? " " Yes , your honor . " " And why was that ? " " Because my wife wanted a dress . " The judge check with his records , " But it says here you broke in three nights in a row ! " " Yes sir . She made me exchange it two times . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations . At closing time , he saw a fellow tumble out of the bar , trip on the curb , and try his keys in five different cars before he found his . Then he sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes . Everyone else left the bar and drove off . Finally he started his engine and began to pull away . The police officer was waiting for him . He stopped the driver , read him his rights and administered the Breathalyser test . The results showed a reading of 0 . 0 . The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be . The driver replied , " Tonight I 'm the designated decoy . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the other end . After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks , tentatively , " Um , would you mind if I chatted with you for a while ? " To which she responds by yelling , at the top of her lungs , " No , I won 't sleep with you tonight ! " By now , the entire bar is staring at them . Naturally , the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table . After a few minutes , the woman walks over to him and apologizes . She smiles at him and says , " I 'm sorry if I embarrassed you . You see , I 'm a graduate student in psychology and I 'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations . " To which he responds , at the top of his lungs , " What do you mean $ 200 ! " Postby cooran » Sat Feb 05 , 2011 9 : 15 am Two boy scouts went on a nature hike in the hills picking hickory nuts . Along the way , they filled their small pails and then started to fill their pockets and shirts . When they could hold no more nuts , they started down the country road until they came across a cemetery . The boys decided that would be a good place to stop and rest and divide out the nuts . The two boys sat in the shade of a large oak tree and unloaded their pockets and buckets by dumping all of the nuts in a large pile . In the process , two of them rolled away and rested near the road . The boys then proceeded to divide out the nuts . " One for you . One for me . One for you . One for me . " As they were doing this , another boy was passing by and happened to hear them . He looked into the cemetery , but could not see the boys , because they were obscured by the tree . He hesitated a moment and then ran back to town . " Father ! Father ! " he yelled as he entered his house . " The cemetery . Come quick ! " " What 's the matter ? " his father asked . " No time to explain , " the boy frantically panted . " Follow me ! " The boy and his father ran up the country road and stopped when they reached the cemetery . They stopped at the side of the road and all fell silent for a few moments . Then the father asked his son what was wrong . " Do you hear that ? " he whispered . Both people listened intently and heard the Scouts . " One for me . One for you . One for me . One for you . . . " The boy then blurted out , " The devil and the Lord are dividing the souls ! " The father was skeptical but silent - - until a few moments later as the Scouts completed dividing out the nuts and one Scout said to the other , " Now , as soon as we get those two nuts down by the road , we 'll have them all . " Postby cooran » Sun Feb 06 , 2011 8 : 58 am " But doctor , " lamented the young husband in counselling , " whenever Sue and I quarrel , she becomes historical . " " You mean , hysterical , " said the doctor . " No , historical . She is always digging up my past . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - After many sessions the psychiatrist says to his patient : Congratulations , Sir , you are cured . The patient says : Some cure . Before I was Alexander the Great . Now I 'm nobody . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Patient : Doctor I have a sore throat , I ache , and have a fever . Doctor : Sounds like some kind of virus . Patient : Everyone in the office has it . Doctor : Well then , maybe it 's a staff infection . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - A dentist , after completing work on a patient , came to him and asked ; " could you help me ? Could you give out a few of your loudest , most painful screams ? " The surprised patient said ; " why doctor , it wasn 't all that bad this time ! " The dentist said ; " there are so many people in the waiting room right now , and I don 't want to miss the four o ' clock train . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Postby cooran » Mon Feb 07 , 2011 9 : 18 am A mum was concerned about her kindergarten son walking to school . He didn 't want his mother to walk with him . She wanted to give him the feeling that he had some independence but yet know that he was safe . So she had an idea of how to handle it . She asked a neighbor if she would please follow him to school in the mornings , staying at a distance , so he probably wouldn 't notice her . The neighbor said that since she was up early with her toddler anyway , it would be a good way for them to get some exercise as well , so she agreed . The next school day , the neighbor and her little girl set out following behind Timmy as he walked to school with another neighbor girl he knew . She did this for the whole week . As the two walked and chatted , kicking stones and twigs , Timmy 's little friend noticed the same lady was following them as she seemed to do every day all week . Finally she said to Timmy , ' Have you noticed that lady following us to school all week ? Do you know her ? ' Timmy nonchalantly replied , ' Yeah , I know who she is . ' The little girl said , ' Well , who is she ? ' ' That 's just Shirley Goodnest , ' Timmy replied , ' and her daughter Marcy . ' ' Shirley Goodnest ? Who the heck is she and why is she following us ? ' Well , ' Timmy explained , ' every night my Mum makes me say the 23rd Psalm with my prayers , ' cuz she worries about me so much . And in the Psalm , it says , ' Shirley Goodnest and Marcy shall follow me all the days of my life ' , so I guess I 'll just have to get used to it ! ' Postby andre9999 » Mon Feb 07 , 2011 3 : 27 pm That was terrible . It reminds me of the joke : Q : " How many angels can you fit into a honda ? " A : " All of them . They all sing in one Accord . " Postby cooran » Tue Feb 08 , 2011 5 : 14 am How to give a cat a pill . 1 . Pick up the cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby . Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat 's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand . As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth . Allow cat to close mouth and swallow . 2 . Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa . Cradle cat in left Arm and repeat process . 3 . Take new pill from foil wrap , cradle cat in left arm , holding rear paws tightly with left hand . Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger . Hold mouth shut for a count of ten . 4 . Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees , hold front and rear paws , ignore growls emitted by cat . Get spouse to hold cat 's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth . Drop pill down ruler and rub cat 's throat vigorously . 5 . Retrieve cat from curtain rail , get another pill from foil wrap . Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains . Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later . 6 . Wrap cat in a large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with cat 's head just visible from below armpit . Put pill in end of a drinking straw , force cat 's mouth open with pencil and blow down straw . 7 . Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans , drink a beer to take away the taste . Apply Band - Aid to spouse 's forearm and remove blood from the carpet with soap and water . 8 . Tie the little angel 's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of the dining table . Find heavy pruning gloves from shed . Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak . Be rough about it . Hold head vertical and pour 2 pints of water down cat 's throat to wash down pill . 9 . Consume remainder of scotch . Get spouse to drive you to the Accident and Emergency clinic , sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill from your eye . Call furniture shop on way home t - - - The trouble is that you think you have time - - - - - - Worry is the Interest , paid in advance , on a debt you may never owe - - - - - - It 's not what happens to you in life that is important ~ it 's what you do with it - - - Postby Kim OHara » Tue Feb 08 , 2011 5 : 51 am This one turned up in my inbox yesterday and it 's an obvious soulmate to the joke above . . . How to wash a toilet 1 . Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1 / 8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl . 2 . Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom . 3 . In one smooth movement , put the cat in the toilet and close the lid . You may need to stand on the lid . . . 4 . The cat will self agitate and make ample suds . Never mind the noises that come from the toilet , the cat is actually enjoying this . 5 . Flush the toilet three or four times . This provides a ' power - wash ' and rinse ' . 6 . Have someone open the front door of your home . Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door . 7 . Stand behind the toilet as far as you can , and quickly lift the lid . 8 . The cat will rocket out of the toilet , streak through the bathroom , and run outside where he will dry himself off . 9 . Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean . Yours Sincerely , The Dog Top Postby Kaktus » Tue Feb 08 , 2011 8 : 05 am These quotes are from one of my favorite blogs : These are things people actually said in court , word for word , taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place . = = = = Q : Are you sexually active ? A : No , I just lie there . = = = = Q : What is your date of birth ? A : July fifteenth . Q : What year ? A : Every year . = = = = Q : What gear were you in at the moment of the impact ? A : Gucci sweats and Reeboks . = = = = Q : This myasthenia gravis , does it affect your memory at all ? A : Yes . Q : And in what ways does it affect your memory ? A : I forget . Q : You forget . Can you give us an example of something that you 've forgotten ? = = = = Q : What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning ? A : He said , " Where am I , Cathy ? " Q : And why did that upset you ? A : My name is Susan . = = = = Q : Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult ? A : We both do . Q : Voodoo ? A : We do . Q : You do ? A : Yes , voodoo . = = = = Q : Now doctor , isn 't it true that when a person dies in his sleep , he doesn 't know about it until the next morning ? = = = = Q : The youngest son , the twenty - year old , how old is he ? = = = = Q : Were you present when your picture was taken ? = = = = Q : So the date of conception ( of the baby ) was August 8th ? A : Yes . Q : And what were you doing at that time ? = = = = Q : She had three children , right ? A : Yes . Q : How many were boys ? A : None . Q : Were there any girls ? = = = = Q : How was your first marriage terminated ? A : By death . Q : And by whose death was it terminated ? = = = = Q : Can you describe the individual ? A : He was about medium height and had a beard . Q : Was this a male , or a female ? = = = = Q : Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney ? A : No , this is how I dress when I go to work . = = = = Q : Doctor , how many autopsies have you performed on dead people ? A : All my autopsies are performed on dead people . = = = = Q : All your responses must be oral , OK ? What school did you go to ? A : Oral . = = = = Q : Do you recaEnglish isn 't my native language . So please accept my apologies for my kind of spelling and grammar Top Postby cooran » Fri Feb 11 , 2011 9 : 06 am A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something . The driver screamed , lost control of the cab , nearly hit a bus , drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window . For a few moments everything was silent in the cab , then the driver said , " Please , don 't ever do that again . You scared the daylights out of me . " The passenger , who was also frightened , apologized and said he didn 't realize that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much , to which the driver replied , " I 'm sorry , it 's really not your fault at all . Today is my first day driving a cab , I have been driving a hearse for the last 25 years . Postby cooran » Sat Feb 12 , 2011 9 : 03 pm A rather old fashioned lady , always quite delicate and elegant , especially in her language , was planning a weeks holiday in Sydney with her husband , so she wrote to a particular camping ground and asked for a reservation . She wanted to make sure that the camping ground was fully equipped , but didn 't know quite how to ask about the toilet facilities . She just couldn 't bring herselfto write the word " toilet " in her letter . After much thought , she finally came up with the old fashioned term " Bathroom closet " but when she wrote it down , she still thought she was being too forward , so she started all over again , rewrote the letter , and referred to the bathroom closet as the B . C . " Does the camping ground have it 's own B . C . " is what she wrote . Well , the camping ground owner wasn 't a bit old fashioned , and he just couldn 't figure out what the old lady was talking about , so he showed the letter around a few of the campers and the only thing they could come up with was that B . C . stood for Baptist Church , so he wrote the following reply . Dear Madam , I regret very much the delay in answering your letter , but I now take the pleasure of informing you that a B . C . is located nine miles north of our camping ground , and is capable of seating 250 people at one time . I admit that it is quite a distance away if you are in the habit of going regularly but no doubt you will be pleased to know that a great number of campers go there and many take their lunches along and make a day of it . They usually arrive nice and early and stay quite late . The last time my wife and I went was six years ago , and it was so crowded we had to stand up the whole time we were there . It may interest you to know that there is a special supper planned there to raise money to buy more seats so that everyone will be able to sit in comfort . I would like to say that it pains me very much not to be able to go more regularly , but it is surely no lack of desire on my part , just that I am so busy most of the time . As we grow older , it - - - The trouble is that you think you have time - - - - - - Worry is the Interest , paid in advance , on a debt you may never owe - - - - - - It 's not what happens to you in life that is important ~ it 's what you do with it - - -
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Postby Kim OHara » Sun Jan 30 , 2011 10 : 37 am I thought I might be busy this evening dealing with a cyclone ( = hurricane in US - speak ) but it changed course so I 'm , a bit idle and a bit relieved . . . EVER WONDER # 2Q Why the sun lightens our hair , but darkens our skin ? A It doesn 't . Go to Indonesia , Madagascar , Angola , Mexico - just about anywhere there 's lots of sun - and you will see we all have black hair … oh , you 're white . You guys are seriously weird . Q Why women can 't put on mascara with their mouth closed ? A I 'm a bloke . I wouldn 't dare speculate . Q Why don 't you ever see the headline " Psychic Wins Lottery " ? A Because good psychics have the foresight to know that people would pester them forever after and bad psychics don 't win . Q Why is " abbreviated " such a long word ? A To make up for the shortness of " long . " Q Why is it that doctors call what they do " practice " ? A Everyone knows that practice makes perfect and doctors want perfect health for their patients . Q Why is it that to stop Windows 98 , you have to click on " Start " ? A Duh ! It 's Windows , dummy . * Q Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor , and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons ? A Lemon juice is made of sunlight and pure rainwater and good rich earth . What " lemon juice " is made of is something quite different and best not examined too closely . Q Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker ? A Because he ends up broker than his clients ? DO NOT LAUGH ! ! ! Q Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour ? A It 's the time everyone rushes for their cars , of course . Q Why isn 't there mouse - flavored cat food ? A There is . I know . Q When dog food is new and improved tasting , who tests it ? A See previous answer . Q Why didn 't Noah swat those two mosquitoes ? A He was wise enough to know that God , who is perfect in every way , could not possibly have made mosquitos without good reason and humble enough to accept that , although he had little understanding of the glorious complexity of the Web of Life , he should not interferTop Postby cooran » Mon Jan 31 , 2011 7 : 54 am heheheh1 . A day without sunshine is like night . 2 . On the other hand , you have different fingers . 3 . 42 . 7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot . 4 . Remember , half the people you know are below average . 5 . He who laughs last ; thinks slowest . 6 . The early bird may get the worm , but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap . 7 . Support bacteria . They 're the only culture most people have . 8 . A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory . 9 . Change is inevitable , except from vending machines . 10 . If you think nobody cares , try missing a couple of payments . 11 . How many of you believe in psycho - kinesis ? Raise my hand . 12 . OK , so what 's the speed of dark ? 13 . When everything is coming your way , you 're in the wrong lane . 14 . How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges ? 15 . Eagles may soar , but weasels don 't get sucked into jet engines . 16 . What happens if you get scared half to death , twice ? 17 . Why do psychics have to ask you your name ? 18 . Inside every older person is a younger person wondering , ' What the heck happened ? ' 19 . Just remember - - if the world didn 't suck , we would all fall off . 20 . Light travels faster than sound . That 's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak . 21 . Life isn 't like a box of chocolates . It 's more like a jar of jalapenos . What you do today , might burn your butt tomorrow . Postby tiltbillings » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 7 : 53 am This being is bound to samsara , kamma is his means for going beyond . - - SN I , 38 . " Of course it is happening inside your head , Harry , but why on earth should that mean that it is not real ? " HPatDH p . 723 >> Do you see a man wise [ enlightened / ariya ] in his own eyes ? There is more hope for a fool than for him . << - - Proverbs 26 : 12 Postby JimKai » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 4 : 33 pm Kare wrote : cooran wrote : Maybe this style , Kare ? Do not argue with an idiot . He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience . I want to die peacefully in my sleep , like my grandfather . . Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car . I asked God for a bike , but I know God doesn 't work that way . So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness . Not quite . The Norwegian ones in this category all are questions , and they all start with " Why cannot I . . . when . . . " . They are all very language specific , so they just don 't translate well . Some of them are real absurd . The one about Knox was rather lame , but it was the only one I could invent in English . Oh yes - another one just popped up : " Why can 't I quit , when biscuits ? " There is one absurd joke in finnish . Translated to english , it would be something like : " Want went to a store . A shovel . " It is known as the worst joke in the whole language , but it used to crack us up as kids ! Postby meindzai » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 5 : 15 pm Geeky physics joke I am giggling about today . I sent it to my 13 year old ( and very bright ) nephew who is home sick , and told him his homework is to explain it . The tachyon leaves . The bartender says " We don 't serve your kind here ! " A tachyon walks into a bar . - M Postby Kare » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 5 : 38 pm meindzai wrote : Geeky physics joke I am giggling about today . I sent it to my 13 year old ( and very bright ) nephew who is home sick , and told him his homework is to explain it . The tachyon leaves . The bartender says " We don 't serve your kind here ! " A tachyon walks into a bar . - MLooks like a lot of tachyons are writing e - mails these days . . . . Mettāya , Kåre Postby cooran » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 8 : 08 pm Hehheh - A Swiss man , looking for directions , pulls up at a bus stop where two Americans are waiting . " Entschuldigung , koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen ? " he asks . The two Americans just stare at him . " Excusez - moi , parlez vous Fracais ? " he tries . The two continue to stare . " Parlare Italiano ? " No response . " Hablan ustedes Espanol ? " Still nothing . The Swiss guy drives off , extremely disgusted . The first American turns to the second and says , " Y ' know , maybe we should learn a foreign language . " " Why ? " says the other . " That guy knew four languages , and it didn 't do him any good . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - A man mentioned to his landlord about the tenants in the apartment over his . " Many a night they stamp on the floor and shout till midnight . " When the landlord asked if it bothered him , he replied , " Not really , for I usually stay up and practice my trumpet till about that time most every night anyway . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Bill , Jim , and Scott were at a convention together and were sharing a large suite on the top of a 75 - story skyscraper . After a long day of meetings they were shocked to hear that the elevators in their hotel were broken and they would have to climb 75 flights of stairs to get to their room . Bill said to Jim and Scott , let 's break the monotony of this unpleasant task by concentrating on something interesting . I 'll tell jokes for 25 flights , and Jim can sing songs for 25 flights , and Scott can tell sad stories the rest of the way . At the 26th floor Bill stopped telling jokes and Jim began to sing . At the 51st floor Jim stopped singing and Scott began to tell sad stories . " I will tell my saddest story first , " he said . " I left the room key in the car ! " Postby Kare » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 9 : 28 pm cooran wrote : Hehheh - A Swiss man , looking for directions , pulls up at a bus stop where two Americans are waiting . " Entschuldigung , koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen ? " he asks . The two Americans just stare at him . " Excusez - moi , parlez vous Fracais ? " he tries . The two continue to stare . " Parlare Italiano ? " No response . " Hablan ustedes Espanol ? " Still nothing . The Swiss guy drives off , extremely disgusted . The first American turns to the second and says , " Y ' know , maybe we should learn a foreign language . " " Why ? " says the other . " That guy knew four languages , and it didn 't do him any good . " I feel that way myself at times . . . Mettāya , Kåre Postby cooran » Fri Feb 04 , 2011 7 : 57 am The judge frowned at the tired robber and said , " then you admit breaking into the same store on three successive nights ? " " Yes , your honor . " " And why was that ? " " Because my wife wanted a dress . " The judge check with his records , " But it says here you broke in three nights in a row ! " " Yes sir . She made me exchange it two times . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations . At closing time , he saw a fellow tumble out of the bar , trip on the curb , and try his keys in five different cars before he found his . Then he sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes . Everyone else left the bar and drove off . Finally he started his engine and began to pull away . The police officer was waiting for him . He stopped the driver , read him his rights and administered the Breathalyser test . The results showed a reading of 0 . 0 . The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be . The driver replied , " Tonight I 'm the designated decoy . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the other end . After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks , tentatively , " Um , would you mind if I chatted with you for a while ? " To which she responds by yelling , at the top of her lungs , " No , I won 't sleep with you tonight ! " By now , the entire bar is staring at them . Naturally , the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table . After a few minutes , the woman walks over to him and apologizes . She smiles at him and says , " I 'm sorry if I embarrassed you . You see , I 'm a graduate student in psychology and I 'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations . " To which he responds , at the top of his lungs , " What do you mean $ 200 ! " Postby cooran » Sat Feb 05 , 2011 9 : 15 am Two boy scouts went on a nature hike in the hills picking hickory nuts . Along the way , they filled their small pails and then started to fill their pockets and shirts . When they could hold no more nuts , they started down the country road until they came across a cemetery . The boys decided that would be a good place to stop and rest and divide out the nuts . The two boys sat in the shade of a large oak tree and unloaded their pockets and buckets by dumping all of the nuts in a large pile . In the process , two of them rolled away and rested near the road . The boys then proceeded to divide out the nuts . " One for you . One for me . One for you . One for me . " As they were doing this , another boy was passing by and happened to hear them . He looked into the cemetery , but could not see the boys , because they were obscured by the tree . He hesitated a moment and then ran back to town . " Father ! Father ! " he yelled as he entered his house . " The cemetery . Come quick ! " " What 's the matter ? " his father asked . " No time to explain , " the boy frantically panted . " Follow me ! " The boy and his father ran up the country road and stopped when they reached the cemetery . They stopped at the side of the road and all fell silent for a few moments . Then the father asked his son what was wrong . " Do you hear that ? " he whispered . Both people listened intently and heard the Scouts . " One for me . One for you . One for me . One for you . . . " The boy then blurted out , " The devil and the Lord are dividing the souls ! " The father was skeptical but silent - - until a few moments later as the Scouts completed dividing out the nuts and one Scout said to the other , " Now , as soon as we get those two nuts down by the road , we 'll have them all . " Postby cooran » Sun Feb 06 , 2011 8 : 58 am " But doctor , " lamented the young husband in counselling , " whenever Sue and I quarrel , she becomes historical . " " You mean , hysterical , " said the doctor . " No , historical . She is always digging up my past . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - After many sessions the psychiatrist says to his patient : Congratulations , Sir , you are cured . The patient says : Some cure . Before I was Alexander the Great . Now I 'm nobody . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Patient : Doctor I have a sore throat , I ache , and have a fever . Doctor : Sounds like some kind of virus . Patient : Everyone in the office has it . Doctor : Well then , maybe it 's a staff infection . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - A dentist , after completing work on a patient , came to him and asked ; " could you help me ? Could you give out a few of your loudest , most painful screams ? " The surprised patient said ; " why doctor , it wasn 't all that bad this time ! " The dentist said ; " there are so many people in the waiting room right now , and I don 't want to miss the four o ' clock train . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Postby cooran » Mon Feb 07 , 2011 9 : 18 am A mum was concerned about her kindergarten son walking to school . He didn 't want his mother to walk with him . She wanted to give him the feeling that he had some independence but yet know that he was safe . So she had an idea of how to handle it . She asked a neighbor if she would please follow him to school in the mornings , staying at a distance , so he probably wouldn 't notice her . The neighbor said that since she was up early with her toddler anyway , it would be a good way for them to get some exercise as well , so she agreed . The next school day , the neighbor and her little girl set out following behind Timmy as he walked to school with another neighbor girl he knew . She did this for the whole week . As the two walked and chatted , kicking stones and twigs , Timmy 's little friend noticed the same lady was following them as she seemed to do every day all week . Finally she said to Timmy , ' Have you noticed that lady following us to school all week ? Do you know her ? ' Timmy nonchalantly replied , ' Yeah , I know who she is . ' The little girl said , ' Well , who is she ? ' ' That 's just Shirley Goodnest , ' Timmy replied , ' and her daughter Marcy . ' ' Shirley Goodnest ? Who the heck is she and why is she following us ? ' Well , ' Timmy explained , ' every night my Mum makes me say the 23rd Psalm with my prayers , ' cuz she worries about me so much . And in the Psalm , it says , ' Shirley Goodnest and Marcy shall follow me all the days of my life ' , so I guess I 'll just have to get used to it ! ' Postby andre9999 » Mon Feb 07 , 2011 3 : 27 pm That was terrible . It reminds me of the joke : Q : " How many angels can you fit into a honda ? " A : " All of them . They all sing in one Accord . " Postby cooran » Tue Feb 08 , 2011 5 : 14 am How to give a cat a pill . 1 . Pick up the cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby . Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat 's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand . As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth . Allow cat to close mouth and swallow . 2 . Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa . Cradle cat in left Arm and repeat process . 3 . Take new pill from foil wrap , cradle cat in left arm , holding rear paws tightly with left hand . Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger . Hold mouth shut for a count of ten . 4 . Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees , hold front and rear paws , ignore growls emitted by cat . Get spouse to hold cat 's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth . Drop pill down ruler and rub cat 's throat vigorously . 5 . Retrieve cat from curtain rail , get another pill from foil wrap . Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains . Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later . 6 . Wrap cat in a large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with cat 's head just visible from below armpit . Put pill in end of a drinking straw , force cat 's mouth open with pencil and blow down straw . 7 . Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans , drink a beer to take away the taste . Apply Band - Aid to spouse 's forearm and remove blood from the carpet with soap and water . 8 . Tie the little angel 's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of the dining table . Find heavy pruning gloves from shed . Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak . Be rough about it . Hold head vertical and pour 2 pints of water down cat 's throat to wash down pill . 9 . Consume remainder of scotch . Get spouse to drive you to the Accident and Emergency clinic , sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill from your eye . Call furniture shop on way home t - - - The trouble is that you think you have time - - - - - - Worry is the Interest , paid in advance , on a debt you may never owe - - - - - - It 's not what happens to you in life that is important ~ it 's what you do with it - - - Postby Kim OHara » Tue Feb 08 , 2011 5 : 51 am This one turned up in my inbox yesterday and it 's an obvious soulmate to the joke above . . . How to wash a toilet 1 . Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1 / 8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl . 2 . Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom . 3 . In one smooth movement , put the cat in the toilet and close the lid . You may need to stand on the lid . . . 4 . The cat will self agitate and make ample suds . Never mind the noises that come from the toilet , the cat is actually enjoying this . 5 . Flush the toilet three or four times . This provides a ' power - wash ' and rinse ' . 6 . Have someone open the front door of your home . Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door . 7 . Stand behind the toilet as far as you can , and quickly lift the lid . 8 . The cat will rocket out of the toilet , streak through the bathroom , and run outside where he will dry himself off . 9 . Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean . Yours Sincerely , The Dog Top Postby Kaktus » Tue Feb 08 , 2011 8 : 05 am These quotes are from one of my favorite blogs : These are things people actually said in court , word for word , taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place . = = = = Q : Are you sexually active ? A : No , I just lie there . = = = = Q : What is your date of birth ? A : July fifteenth . Q : What year ? A : Every year . = = = = Q : What gear were you in at the moment of the impact ? A : Gucci sweats and Reeboks . = = = = Q : This myasthenia gravis , does it affect your memory at all ? A : Yes . Q : And in what ways does it affect your memory ? A : I forget . Q : You forget . Can you give us an example of something that you 've forgotten ? = = = = Q : What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning ? A : He said , " Where am I , Cathy ? " Q : And why did that upset you ? A : My name is Susan . = = = = Q : Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult ? A : We both do . Q : Voodoo ? A : We do . Q : You do ? A : Yes , voodoo . = = = = Q : Now doctor , isn 't it true that when a person dies in his sleep , he doesn 't know about it until the next morning ? = = = = Q : The youngest son , the twenty - year old , how old is he ? = = = = Q : Were you present when your picture was taken ? = = = = Q : So the date of conception ( of the baby ) was August 8th ? A : Yes . Q : And what were you doing at that time ? = = = = Q : She had three children , right ? A : Yes . Q : How many were boys ? A : None . Q : Were there any girls ? = = = = Q : How was your first marriage terminated ? A : By death . Q : And by whose death was it terminated ? = = = = Q : Can you describe the individual ? A : He was about medium height and had a beard . Q : Was this a male , or a female ? = = = = Q : Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney ? A : No , this is how I dress when I go to work . = = = = Q : Doctor , how many autopsies have you performed on dead people ? A : All my autopsies are performed on dead people . = = = = Q : All your responses must be oral , OK ? What school did you go to ? A : Oral . = = = = Q : Do you recaEnglish isn 't my native language . So please accept my apologies for my kind of spelling and grammar Top Postby cooran » Fri Feb 11 , 2011 9 : 06 am A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something . The driver screamed , lost control of the cab , nearly hit a bus , drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window . For a few moments everything was silent in the cab , then the driver said , " Please , don 't ever do that again . You scared the daylights out of me . " The passenger , who was also frightened , apologized and said he didn 't realize that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much , to which the driver replied , " I 'm sorry , it 's really not your fault at all . Today is my first day driving a cab , I have been driving a hearse for the last 25 years . Postby cooran » Sat Feb 12 , 2011 9 : 03 pm A rather old fashioned lady , always quite delicate and elegant , especially in her language , was planning a weeks holiday in Sydney with her husband , so she wrote to a particular camping ground and asked for a reservation . She wanted to make sure that the camping ground was fully equipped , but didn 't know quite how to ask about the toilet facilities . She just couldn 't bring herselfto write the word " toilet " in her letter . After much thought , she finally came up with the old fashioned term " Bathroom closet " but when she wrote it down , she still thought she was being too forward , so she started all over again , rewrote the letter , and referred to the bathroom closet as the B . C . " Does the camping ground have it 's own B . C . " is what she wrote . Well , the camping ground owner wasn 't a bit old fashioned , and he just couldn 't figure out what the old lady was talking about , so he showed the letter around a few of the campers and the only thing they could come up with was that B . C . stood for Baptist Church , so he wrote the following reply . Dear Madam , I regret very much the delay in answering your letter , but I now take the pleasure of informing you that a B . C . is located nine miles north of our camping ground , and is capable of seating 250 people at one time . I admit that it is quite a distance away if you are in the habit of going regularly but no doubt you will be pleased to know that a great number of campers go there and many take their lunches along and make a day of it . They usually arrive nice and early and stay quite late . The last time my wife and I went was six years ago , and it was so crowded we had to stand up the whole time we were there . It may interest you to know that there is a special supper planned there to raise money to buy more seats so that everyone will be able to sit in comfort . I would like to say that it pains me very much not to be able to go more regularly , but it is surely no lack of desire on my part , just that I am so busy most of the time . As we grow older , it - - - The trouble is that you think you have time - - - - - - Worry is the Interest , paid in advance , on a debt you may never owe - - - - - - It 's not what happens to you in life that is important ~ it 's what you do with it - - -
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Postby Kim OHara » Sun Jan 30 , 2011 10 : 37 am I thought I might be busy this evening dealing with a cyclone ( = hurricane in US - speak ) but it changed course so I 'm , a bit idle and a bit relieved . . . EVER WONDER # 2Q Why the sun lightens our hair , but darkens our skin ? A It doesn 't . Go to Indonesia , Madagascar , Angola , Mexico - just about anywhere there 's lots of sun - and you will see we all have black hair … oh , you 're white . You guys are seriously weird . Q Why women can 't put on mascara with their mouth closed ? A I 'm a bloke . I wouldn 't dare speculate . Q Why don 't you ever see the headline " Psychic Wins Lottery " ? A Because good psychics have the foresight to know that people would pester them forever after and bad psychics don 't win . Q Why is " abbreviated " such a long word ? A To make up for the shortness of " long . " Q Why is it that doctors call what they do " practice " ? A Everyone knows that practice makes perfect and doctors want perfect health for their patients . Q Why is it that to stop Windows 98 , you have to click on " Start " ? A Duh ! It 's Windows , dummy . * Q Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor , and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons ? A Lemon juice is made of sunlight and pure rainwater and good rich earth . What " lemon juice " is made of is something quite different and best not examined too closely . Q Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker ? A Because he ends up broker than his clients ? DO NOT LAUGH ! ! ! Q Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour ? A It 's the time everyone rushes for their cars , of course . Q Why isn 't there mouse - flavored cat food ? A There is . I know . Q When dog food is new and improved tasting , who tests it ? A See previous answer . Q Why didn 't Noah swat those two mosquitoes ? A He was wise enough to know that God , who is perfect in every way , could not possibly have made mosquitos without good reason and humble enough to accept that , although he had little understanding of the glorious complexity of the Web of Life , he should not interferTop Postby cooran » Mon Jan 31 , 2011 7 : 54 am heheheh1 . A day without sunshine is like night . 2 . On the other hand , you have different fingers . 3 . 42 . 7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot . 4 . Remember , half the people you know are below average . 5 . He who laughs last ; thinks slowest . 6 . The early bird may get the worm , but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap . 7 . Support bacteria . They 're the only culture most people have . 8 . A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory . 9 . Change is inevitable , except from vending machines . 10 . If you think nobody cares , try missing a couple of payments . 11 . How many of you believe in psycho - kinesis ? Raise my hand . 12 . OK , so what 's the speed of dark ? 13 . When everything is coming your way , you 're in the wrong lane . 14 . How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges ? 15 . Eagles may soar , but weasels don 't get sucked into jet engines . 16 . What happens if you get scared half to death , twice ? 17 . Why do psychics have to ask you your name ? 18 . Inside every older person is a younger person wondering , ' What the heck happened ? ' 19 . Just remember - - if the world didn 't suck , we would all fall off . 20 . Light travels faster than sound . That 's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak . 21 . Life isn 't like a box of chocolates . It 's more like a jar of jalapenos . What you do today , might burn your butt tomorrow . Postby tiltbillings » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 7 : 53 am This being is bound to samsara , kamma is his means for going beyond . - - SN I , 38 . " Of course it is happening inside your head , Harry , but why on earth should that mean that it is not real ? " HPatDH p . 723 >> Do you see a man wise [ enlightened / ariya ] in his own eyes ? There is more hope for a fool than for him . << - - Proverbs 26 : 12 Postby JimKai » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 4 : 33 pm Kare wrote : cooran wrote : Maybe this style , Kare ? Do not argue with an idiot . He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience . I want to die peacefully in my sleep , like my grandfather . . Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car . I asked God for a bike , but I know God doesn 't work that way . So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness . Not quite . The Norwegian ones in this category all are questions , and they all start with " Why cannot I . . . when . . . " . They are all very language specific , so they just don 't translate well . Some of them are real absurd . The one about Knox was rather lame , but it was the only one I could invent in English . Oh yes - another one just popped up : " Why can 't I quit , when biscuits ? " There is one absurd joke in finnish . Translated to english , it would be something like : " Want went to a store . A shovel . " It is known as the worst joke in the whole language , but it used to crack us up as kids ! Postby meindzai » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 5 : 15 pm Geeky physics joke I am giggling about today . I sent it to my 13 year old ( and very bright ) nephew who is home sick , and told him his homework is to explain it . The tachyon leaves . The bartender says " We don 't serve your kind here ! " A tachyon walks into a bar . - M Postby Kare » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 5 : 38 pm meindzai wrote : Geeky physics joke I am giggling about today . I sent it to my 13 year old ( and very bright ) nephew who is home sick , and told him his homework is to explain it . The tachyon leaves . The bartender says " We don 't serve your kind here ! " A tachyon walks into a bar . - MLooks like a lot of tachyons are writing e - mails these days . . . . Mettāya , Kåre Postby cooran » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 8 : 08 pm Hehheh - A Swiss man , looking for directions , pulls up at a bus stop where two Americans are waiting . " Entschuldigung , koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen ? " he asks . The two Americans just stare at him . " Excusez - moi , parlez vous Fracais ? " he tries . The two continue to stare . " Parlare Italiano ? " No response . " Hablan ustedes Espanol ? " Still nothing . The Swiss guy drives off , extremely disgusted . The first American turns to the second and says , " Y ' know , maybe we should learn a foreign language . " " Why ? " says the other . " That guy knew four languages , and it didn 't do him any good . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - A man mentioned to his landlord about the tenants in the apartment over his . " Many a night they stamp on the floor and shout till midnight . " When the landlord asked if it bothered him , he replied , " Not really , for I usually stay up and practice my trumpet till about that time most every night anyway . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Bill , Jim , and Scott were at a convention together and were sharing a large suite on the top of a 75 - story skyscraper . After a long day of meetings they were shocked to hear that the elevators in their hotel were broken and they would have to climb 75 flights of stairs to get to their room . Bill said to Jim and Scott , let 's break the monotony of this unpleasant task by concentrating on something interesting . I 'll tell jokes for 25 flights , and Jim can sing songs for 25 flights , and Scott can tell sad stories the rest of the way . At the 26th floor Bill stopped telling jokes and Jim began to sing . At the 51st floor Jim stopped singing and Scott began to tell sad stories . " I will tell my saddest story first , " he said . " I left the room key in the car ! " Postby Kare » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 9 : 28 pm cooran wrote : Hehheh - A Swiss man , looking for directions , pulls up at a bus stop where two Americans are waiting . " Entschuldigung , koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen ? " he asks . The two Americans just stare at him . " Excusez - moi , parlez vous Fracais ? " he tries . The two continue to stare . " Parlare Italiano ? " No response . " Hablan ustedes Espanol ? " Still nothing . The Swiss guy drives off , extremely disgusted . The first American turns to the second and says , " Y ' know , maybe we should learn a foreign language . " " Why ? " says the other . " That guy knew four languages , and it didn 't do him any good . " I feel that way myself at times . . . Mettāya , Kåre Postby cooran » Fri Feb 04 , 2011 7 : 57 am The judge frowned at the tired robber and said , " then you admit breaking into the same store on three successive nights ? " " Yes , your honor . " " And why was that ? " " Because my wife wanted a dress . " The judge check with his records , " But it says here you broke in three nights in a row ! " " Yes sir . She made me exchange it two times . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations . At closing time , he saw a fellow tumble out of the bar , trip on the curb , and try his keys in five different cars before he found his . Then he sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes . Everyone else left the bar and drove off . Finally he started his engine and began to pull away . The police officer was waiting for him . He stopped the driver , read him his rights and administered the Breathalyser test . The results showed a reading of 0 . 0 . The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be . The driver replied , " Tonight I 'm the designated decoy . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the other end . After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks , tentatively , " Um , would you mind if I chatted with you for a while ? " To which she responds by yelling , at the top of her lungs , " No , I won 't sleep with you tonight ! " By now , the entire bar is staring at them . Naturally , the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table . After a few minutes , the woman walks over to him and apologizes . She smiles at him and says , " I 'm sorry if I embarrassed you . You see , I 'm a graduate student in psychology and I 'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations . " To which he responds , at the top of his lungs , " What do you mean $ 200 ! " Postby cooran » Sat Feb 05 , 2011 9 : 15 am Two boy scouts went on a nature hike in the hills picking hickory nuts . Along the way , they filled their small pails and then started to fill their pockets and shirts . When they could hold no more nuts , they started down the country road until they came across a cemetery . The boys decided that would be a good place to stop and rest and divide out the nuts . The two boys sat in the shade of a large oak tree and unloaded their pockets and buckets by dumping all of the nuts in a large pile . In the process , two of them rolled away and rested near the road . The boys then proceeded to divide out the nuts . " One for you . One for me . One for you . One for me . " As they were doing this , another boy was passing by and happened to hear them . He looked into the cemetery , but could not see the boys , because they were obscured by the tree . He hesitated a moment and then ran back to town . " Father ! Father ! " he yelled as he entered his house . " The cemetery . Come quick ! " " What 's the matter ? " his father asked . " No time to explain , " the boy frantically panted . " Follow me ! " The boy and his father ran up the country road and stopped when they reached the cemetery . They stopped at the side of the road and all fell silent for a few moments . Then the father asked his son what was wrong . " Do you hear that ? " he whispered . Both people listened intently and heard the Scouts . " One for me . One for you . One for me . One for you . . . " The boy then blurted out , " The devil and the Lord are dividing the souls ! " The father was skeptical but silent - - until a few moments later as the Scouts completed dividing out the nuts and one Scout said to the other , " Now , as soon as we get those two nuts down by the road , we 'll have them all . " Postby cooran » Sun Feb 06 , 2011 8 : 58 am " But doctor , " lamented the young husband in counselling , " whenever Sue and I quarrel , she becomes historical . " " You mean , hysterical , " said the doctor . " No , historical . She is always digging up my past . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - After many sessions the psychiatrist says to his patient : Congratulations , Sir , you are cured . The patient says : Some cure . Before I was Alexander the Great . Now I 'm nobody . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Patient : Doctor I have a sore throat , I ache , and have a fever . Doctor : Sounds like some kind of virus . Patient : Everyone in the office has it . Doctor : Well then , maybe it 's a staff infection . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - A dentist , after completing work on a patient , came to him and asked ; " could you help me ? Could you give out a few of your loudest , most painful screams ? " The surprised patient said ; " why doctor , it wasn 't all that bad this time ! " The dentist said ; " there are so many people in the waiting room right now , and I don 't want to miss the four o ' clock train . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Postby cooran » Mon Feb 07 , 2011 9 : 18 am A mum was concerned about her kindergarten son walking to school . He didn 't want his mother to walk with him . She wanted to give him the feeling that he had some independence but yet know that he was safe . So she had an idea of how to handle it . She asked a neighbor if she would please follow him to school in the mornings , staying at a distance , so he probably wouldn 't notice her . The neighbor said that since she was up early with her toddler anyway , it would be a good way for them to get some exercise as well , so she agreed . The next school day , the neighbor and her little girl set out following behind Timmy as he walked to school with another neighbor girl he knew . She did this for the whole week . As the two walked and chatted , kicking stones and twigs , Timmy 's little friend noticed the same lady was following them as she seemed to do every day all week . Finally she said to Timmy , ' Have you noticed that lady following us to school all week ? Do you know her ? ' Timmy nonchalantly replied , ' Yeah , I know who she is . ' The little girl said , ' Well , who is she ? ' ' That 's just Shirley Goodnest , ' Timmy replied , ' and her daughter Marcy . ' ' Shirley Goodnest ? Who the heck is she and why is she following us ? ' Well , ' Timmy explained , ' every night my Mum makes me say the 23rd Psalm with my prayers , ' cuz she worries about me so much . And in the Psalm , it says , ' Shirley Goodnest and Marcy shall follow me all the days of my life ' , so I guess I 'll just have to get used to it ! ' Postby andre9999 » Mon Feb 07 , 2011 3 : 27 pm That was terrible . It reminds me of the joke : Q : " How many angels can you fit into a honda ? " A : " All of them . They all sing in one Accord . " Postby cooran » Tue Feb 08 , 2011 5 : 14 am How to give a cat a pill . 1 . Pick up the cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby . Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat 's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand . As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth . Allow cat to close mouth and swallow . 2 . Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa . Cradle cat in left Arm and repeat process . 3 . Take new pill from foil wrap , cradle cat in left arm , holding rear paws tightly with left hand . Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger . Hold mouth shut for a count of ten . 4 . Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees , hold front and rear paws , ignore growls emitted by cat . Get spouse to hold cat 's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth . Drop pill down ruler and rub cat 's throat vigorously . 5 . Retrieve cat from curtain rail , get another pill from foil wrap . Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains . Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later . 6 . Wrap cat in a large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with cat 's head just visible from below armpit . Put pill in end of a drinking straw , force cat 's mouth open with pencil and blow down straw . 7 . Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans , drink a beer to take away the taste . Apply Band - Aid to spouse 's forearm and remove blood from the carpet with soap and water . 8 . Tie the little angel 's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of the dining table . Find heavy pruning gloves from shed . Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak . Be rough about it . Hold head vertical and pour 2 pints of water down cat 's throat to wash down pill . 9 . Consume remainder of scotch . Get spouse to drive you to the Accident and Emergency clinic , sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill from your eye . Call furniture shop on way home t - - - The trouble is that you think you have time - - - - - - Worry is the Interest , paid in advance , on a debt you may never owe - - - - - - It 's not what happens to you in life that is important ~ it 's what you do with it - - - Postby Kim OHara » Tue Feb 08 , 2011 5 : 51 am This one turned up in my inbox yesterday and it 's an obvious soulmate to the joke above . . . How to wash a toilet 1 . Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1 / 8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl . 2 . Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom . 3 . In one smooth movement , put the cat in the toilet and close the lid . You may need to stand on the lid . . . 4 . The cat will self agitate and make ample suds . Never mind the noises that come from the toilet , the cat is actually enjoying this . 5 . Flush the toilet three or four times . This provides a ' power - wash ' and rinse ' . 6 . Have someone open the front door of your home . Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door . 7 . Stand behind the toilet as far as you can , and quickly lift the lid . 8 . The cat will rocket out of the toilet , streak through the bathroom , and run outside where he will dry himself off . 9 . Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean . Yours Sincerely , The Dog Top Postby Kaktus » Tue Feb 08 , 2011 8 : 05 am These quotes are from one of my favorite blogs : These are things people actually said in court , word for word , taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place . = = = = Q : Are you sexually active ? A : No , I just lie there . = = = = Q : What is your date of birth ? A : July fifteenth . Q : What year ? A : Every year . = = = = Q : What gear were you in at the moment of the impact ? A : Gucci sweats and Reeboks . = = = = Q : This myasthenia gravis , does it affect your memory at all ? A : Yes . Q : And in what ways does it affect your memory ? A : I forget . Q : You forget . Can you give us an example of something that you 've forgotten ? = = = = Q : What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning ? A : He said , " Where am I , Cathy ? " Q : And why did that upset you ? A : My name is Susan . = = = = Q : Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult ? A : We both do . Q : Voodoo ? A : We do . Q : You do ? A : Yes , voodoo . = = = = Q : Now doctor , isn 't it true that when a person dies in his sleep , he doesn 't know about it until the next morning ? = = = = Q : The youngest son , the twenty - year old , how old is he ? = = = = Q : Were you present when your picture was taken ? = = = = Q : So the date of conception ( of the baby ) was August 8th ? A : Yes . Q : And what were you doing at that time ? = = = = Q : She had three children , right ? A : Yes . Q : How many were boys ? A : None . Q : Were there any girls ? = = = = Q : How was your first marriage terminated ? A : By death . Q : And by whose death was it terminated ? = = = = Q : Can you describe the individual ? A : He was about medium height and had a beard . Q : Was this a male , or a female ? = = = = Q : Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney ? A : No , this is how I dress when I go to work . = = = = Q : Doctor , how many autopsies have you performed on dead people ? A : All my autopsies are performed on dead people . = = = = Q : All your responses must be oral , OK ? What school did you go to ? A : Oral . = = = = Q : Do you recaEnglish isn 't my native language . So please accept my apologies for my kind of spelling and grammar Top Postby cooran » Fri Feb 11 , 2011 9 : 06 am A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something . The driver screamed , lost control of the cab , nearly hit a bus , drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window . For a few moments everything was silent in the cab , then the driver said , " Please , don 't ever do that again . You scared the daylights out of me . " The passenger , who was also frightened , apologized and said he didn 't realize that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much , to which the driver replied , " I 'm sorry , it 's really not your fault at all . Today is my first day driving a cab , I have been driving a hearse for the last 25 years . Postby cooran » Sat Feb 12 , 2011 9 : 03 pm A rather old fashioned lady , always quite delicate and elegant , especially in her language , was planning a weeks holiday in Sydney with her husband , so she wrote to a particular camping ground and asked for a reservation . She wanted to make sure that the camping ground was fully equipped , but didn 't know quite how to ask about the toilet facilities . She just couldn 't bring herselfto write the word " toilet " in her letter . After much thought , she finally came up with the old fashioned term " Bathroom closet " but when she wrote it down , she still thought she was being too forward , so she started all over again , rewrote the letter , and referred to the bathroom closet as the B . C . " Does the camping ground have it 's own B . C . " is what she wrote . Well , the camping ground owner wasn 't a bit old fashioned , and he just couldn 't figure out what the old lady was talking about , so he showed the letter around a few of the campers and the only thing they could come up with was that B . C . stood for Baptist Church , so he wrote the following reply . Dear Madam , I regret very much the delay in answering your letter , but I now take the pleasure of informing you that a B . C . is located nine miles north of our camping ground , and is capable of seating 250 people at one time . I admit that it is quite a distance away if you are in the habit of going regularly but no doubt you will be pleased to know that a great number of campers go there and many take their lunches along and make a day of it . They usually arrive nice and early and stay quite late . The last time my wife and I went was six years ago , and it was so crowded we had to stand up the whole time we were there . It may interest you to know that there is a special supper planned there to raise money to buy more seats so that everyone will be able to sit in comfort . I would like to say that it pains me very much not to be able to go more regularly , but it is surely no lack of desire on my part , just that I am so busy most of the time . As we grow older , it - - - The trouble is that you think you have time - - - - - - Worry is the Interest , paid in advance , on a debt you may never owe - - - - - - It 's not what happens to you in life that is important ~ it 's what you do with it - - -
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Postby Kim OHara » Sun Jan 30 , 2011 10 : 37 am I thought I might be busy this evening dealing with a cyclone ( = hurricane in US - speak ) but it changed course so I 'm , a bit idle and a bit relieved . . . EVER WONDER # 2Q Why the sun lightens our hair , but darkens our skin ? A It doesn 't . Go to Indonesia , Madagascar , Angola , Mexico - just about anywhere there 's lots of sun - and you will see we all have black hair … oh , you 're white . You guys are seriously weird . Q Why women can 't put on mascara with their mouth closed ? A I 'm a bloke . I wouldn 't dare speculate . Q Why don 't you ever see the headline " Psychic Wins Lottery " ? A Because good psychics have the foresight to know that people would pester them forever after and bad psychics don 't win . Q Why is " abbreviated " such a long word ? A To make up for the shortness of " long . " Q Why is it that doctors call what they do " practice " ? A Everyone knows that practice makes perfect and doctors want perfect health for their patients . Q Why is it that to stop Windows 98 , you have to click on " Start " ? A Duh ! It 's Windows , dummy . * Q Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor , and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons ? A Lemon juice is made of sunlight and pure rainwater and good rich earth . What " lemon juice " is made of is something quite different and best not examined too closely . Q Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker ? A Because he ends up broker than his clients ? DO NOT LAUGH ! ! ! Q Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour ? A It 's the time everyone rushes for their cars , of course . Q Why isn 't there mouse - flavored cat food ? A There is . I know . Q When dog food is new and improved tasting , who tests it ? A See previous answer . Q Why didn 't Noah swat those two mosquitoes ? A He was wise enough to know that God , who is perfect in every way , could not possibly have made mosquitos without good reason and humble enough to accept that , although he had little understanding of the glorious complexity of the Web of Life , he should not interferTop Postby cooran » Mon Jan 31 , 2011 7 : 54 am heheheh1 . A day without sunshine is like night . 2 . On the other hand , you have different fingers . 3 . 42 . 7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot . 4 . Remember , half the people you know are below average . 5 . He who laughs last ; thinks slowest . 6 . The early bird may get the worm , but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap . 7 . Support bacteria . They 're the only culture most people have . 8 . A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory . 9 . Change is inevitable , except from vending machines . 10 . If you think nobody cares , try missing a couple of payments . 11 . How many of you believe in psycho - kinesis ? Raise my hand . 12 . OK , so what 's the speed of dark ? 13 . When everything is coming your way , you 're in the wrong lane . 14 . How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges ? 15 . Eagles may soar , but weasels don 't get sucked into jet engines . 16 . What happens if you get scared half to death , twice ? 17 . Why do psychics have to ask you your name ? 18 . Inside every older person is a younger person wondering , ' What the heck happened ? ' 19 . Just remember - - if the world didn 't suck , we would all fall off . 20 . Light travels faster than sound . That 's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak . 21 . Life isn 't like a box of chocolates . It 's more like a jar of jalapenos . What you do today , might burn your butt tomorrow . Postby tiltbillings » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 7 : 53 am This being is bound to samsara , kamma is his means for going beyond . - - SN I , 38 . " Of course it is happening inside your head , Harry , but why on earth should that mean that it is not real ? " HPatDH p . 723 >> Do you see a man wise [ enlightened / ariya ] in his own eyes ? There is more hope for a fool than for him . << - - Proverbs 26 : 12 Postby JimKai » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 4 : 33 pm Kare wrote : cooran wrote : Maybe this style , Kare ? Do not argue with an idiot . He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience . I want to die peacefully in my sleep , like my grandfather . . Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car . I asked God for a bike , but I know God doesn 't work that way . So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness . Not quite . The Norwegian ones in this category all are questions , and they all start with " Why cannot I . . . when . . . " . They are all very language specific , so they just don 't translate well . Some of them are real absurd . The one about Knox was rather lame , but it was the only one I could invent in English . Oh yes - another one just popped up : " Why can 't I quit , when biscuits ? " There is one absurd joke in finnish . Translated to english , it would be something like : " Want went to a store . A shovel . " It is known as the worst joke in the whole language , but it used to crack us up as kids ! Postby meindzai » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 5 : 15 pm Geeky physics joke I am giggling about today . I sent it to my 13 year old ( and very bright ) nephew who is home sick , and told him his homework is to explain it . The tachyon leaves . The bartender says " We don 't serve your kind here ! " A tachyon walks into a bar . - M Postby Kare » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 5 : 38 pm meindzai wrote : Geeky physics joke I am giggling about today . I sent it to my 13 year old ( and very bright ) nephew who is home sick , and told him his homework is to explain it . The tachyon leaves . The bartender says " We don 't serve your kind here ! " A tachyon walks into a bar . - MLooks like a lot of tachyons are writing e - mails these days . . . . Mettāya , Kåre Postby cooran » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 8 : 08 pm Hehheh - A Swiss man , looking for directions , pulls up at a bus stop where two Americans are waiting . " Entschuldigung , koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen ? " he asks . The two Americans just stare at him . " Excusez - moi , parlez vous Fracais ? " he tries . The two continue to stare . " Parlare Italiano ? " No response . " Hablan ustedes Espanol ? " Still nothing . The Swiss guy drives off , extremely disgusted . The first American turns to the second and says , " Y ' know , maybe we should learn a foreign language . " " Why ? " says the other . " That guy knew four languages , and it didn 't do him any good . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - A man mentioned to his landlord about the tenants in the apartment over his . " Many a night they stamp on the floor and shout till midnight . " When the landlord asked if it bothered him , he replied , " Not really , for I usually stay up and practice my trumpet till about that time most every night anyway . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Bill , Jim , and Scott were at a convention together and were sharing a large suite on the top of a 75 - story skyscraper . After a long day of meetings they were shocked to hear that the elevators in their hotel were broken and they would have to climb 75 flights of stairs to get to their room . Bill said to Jim and Scott , let 's break the monotony of this unpleasant task by concentrating on something interesting . I 'll tell jokes for 25 flights , and Jim can sing songs for 25 flights , and Scott can tell sad stories the rest of the way . At the 26th floor Bill stopped telling jokes and Jim began to sing . At the 51st floor Jim stopped singing and Scott began to tell sad stories . " I will tell my saddest story first , " he said . " I left the room key in the car ! " Postby Kare » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 9 : 28 pm cooran wrote : Hehheh - A Swiss man , looking for directions , pulls up at a bus stop where two Americans are waiting . " Entschuldigung , koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen ? " he asks . The two Americans just stare at him . " Excusez - moi , parlez vous Fracais ? " he tries . The two continue to stare . " Parlare Italiano ? " No response . " Hablan ustedes Espanol ? " Still nothing . The Swiss guy drives off , extremely disgusted . The first American turns to the second and says , " Y ' know , maybe we should learn a foreign language . " " Why ? " says the other . " That guy knew four languages , and it didn 't do him any good . " I feel that way myself at times . . . Mettāya , Kåre Postby cooran » Fri Feb 04 , 2011 7 : 57 am The judge frowned at the tired robber and said , " then you admit breaking into the same store on three successive nights ? " " Yes , your honor . " " And why was that ? " " Because my wife wanted a dress . " The judge check with his records , " But it says here you broke in three nights in a row ! " " Yes sir . She made me exchange it two times . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations . At closing time , he saw a fellow tumble out of the bar , trip on the curb , and try his keys in five different cars before he found his . Then he sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes . Everyone else left the bar and drove off . Finally he started his engine and began to pull away . The police officer was waiting for him . He stopped the driver , read him his rights and administered the Breathalyser test . The results showed a reading of 0 . 0 . The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be . The driver replied , " Tonight I 'm the designated decoy . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the other end . After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks , tentatively , " Um , would you mind if I chatted with you for a while ? " To which she responds by yelling , at the top of her lungs , " No , I won 't sleep with you tonight ! " By now , the entire bar is staring at them . Naturally , the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table . After a few minutes , the woman walks over to him and apologizes . She smiles at him and says , " I 'm sorry if I embarrassed you . You see , I 'm a graduate student in psychology and I 'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations . " To which he responds , at the top of his lungs , " What do you mean $ 200 ! " Postby cooran » Sat Feb 05 , 2011 9 : 15 am Two boy scouts went on a nature hike in the hills picking hickory nuts . Along the way , they filled their small pails and then started to fill their pockets and shirts . When they could hold no more nuts , they started down the country road until they came across a cemetery . The boys decided that would be a good place to stop and rest and divide out the nuts . The two boys sat in the shade of a large oak tree and unloaded their pockets and buckets by dumping all of the nuts in a large pile . In the process , two of them rolled away and rested near the road . The boys then proceeded to divide out the nuts . " One for you . One for me . One for you . One for me . " As they were doing this , another boy was passing by and happened to hear them . He looked into the cemetery , but could not see the boys , because they were obscured by the tree . He hesitated a moment and then ran back to town . " Father ! Father ! " he yelled as he entered his house . " The cemetery . Come quick ! " " What 's the matter ? " his father asked . " No time to explain , " the boy frantically panted . " Follow me ! " The boy and his father ran up the country road and stopped when they reached the cemetery . They stopped at the side of the road and all fell silent for a few moments . Then the father asked his son what was wrong . " Do you hear that ? " he whispered . Both people listened intently and heard the Scouts . " One for me . One for you . One for me . One for you . . . " The boy then blurted out , " The devil and the Lord are dividing the souls ! " The father was skeptical but silent - - until a few moments later as the Scouts completed dividing out the nuts and one Scout said to the other , " Now , as soon as we get those two nuts down by the road , we 'll have them all . " Postby cooran » Sun Feb 06 , 2011 8 : 58 am " But doctor , " lamented the young husband in counselling , " whenever Sue and I quarrel , she becomes historical . " " You mean , hysterical , " said the doctor . " No , historical . She is always digging up my past . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - After many sessions the psychiatrist says to his patient : Congratulations , Sir , you are cured . The patient says : Some cure . Before I was Alexander the Great . Now I 'm nobody . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Patient : Doctor I have a sore throat , I ache , and have a fever . Doctor : Sounds like some kind of virus . Patient : Everyone in the office has it . Doctor : Well then , maybe it 's a staff infection . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - A dentist , after completing work on a patient , came to him and asked ; " could you help me ? Could you give out a few of your loudest , most painful screams ? " The surprised patient said ; " why doctor , it wasn 't all that bad this time ! " The dentist said ; " there are so many people in the waiting room right now , and I don 't want to miss the four o ' clock train . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Postby cooran » Mon Feb 07 , 2011 9 : 18 am A mum was concerned about her kindergarten son walking to school . He didn 't want his mother to walk with him . She wanted to give him the feeling that he had some independence but yet know that he was safe . So she had an idea of how to handle it . She asked a neighbor if she would please follow him to school in the mornings , staying at a distance , so he probably wouldn 't notice her . The neighbor said that since she was up early with her toddler anyway , it would be a good way for them to get some exercise as well , so she agreed . The next school day , the neighbor and her little girl set out following behind Timmy as he walked to school with another neighbor girl he knew . She did this for the whole week . As the two walked and chatted , kicking stones and twigs , Timmy 's little friend noticed the same lady was following them as she seemed to do every day all week . Finally she said to Timmy , ' Have you noticed that lady following us to school all week ? Do you know her ? ' Timmy nonchalantly replied , ' Yeah , I know who she is . ' The little girl said , ' Well , who is she ? ' ' That 's just Shirley Goodnest , ' Timmy replied , ' and her daughter Marcy . ' ' Shirley Goodnest ? Who the heck is she and why is she following us ? ' Well , ' Timmy explained , ' every night my Mum makes me say the 23rd Psalm with my prayers , ' cuz she worries about me so much . And in the Psalm , it says , ' Shirley Goodnest and Marcy shall follow me all the days of my life ' , so I guess I 'll just have to get used to it ! ' Postby andre9999 » Mon Feb 07 , 2011 3 : 27 pm That was terrible . It reminds me of the joke : Q : " How many angels can you fit into a honda ? " A : " All of them . They all sing in one Accord . " Postby cooran » Tue Feb 08 , 2011 5 : 14 am How to give a cat a pill . 1 . Pick up the cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby . Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat 's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand . As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth . Allow cat to close mouth and swallow . 2 . Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa . Cradle cat in left Arm and repeat process . 3 . Take new pill from foil wrap , cradle cat in left arm , holding rear paws tightly with left hand . Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger . Hold mouth shut for a count of ten . 4 . Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees , hold front and rear paws , ignore growls emitted by cat . Get spouse to hold cat 's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth . Drop pill down ruler and rub cat 's throat vigorously . 5 . Retrieve cat from curtain rail , get another pill from foil wrap . Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains . Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later . 6 . Wrap cat in a large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with cat 's head just visible from below armpit . Put pill in end of a drinking straw , force cat 's mouth open with pencil and blow down straw . 7 . Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans , drink a beer to take away the taste . Apply Band - Aid to spouse 's forearm and remove blood from the carpet with soap and water . 8 . Tie the little angel 's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of the dining table . Find heavy pruning gloves from shed . Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak . Be rough about it . Hold head vertical and pour 2 pints of water down cat 's throat to wash down pill . 9 . Consume remainder of scotch . Get spouse to drive you to the Accident and Emergency clinic , sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill from your eye . Call furniture shop on way home t - - - The trouble is that you think you have time - - - - - - Worry is the Interest , paid in advance , on a debt you may never owe - - - - - - It 's not what happens to you in life that is important ~ it 's what you do with it - - - Postby Kim OHara » Tue Feb 08 , 2011 5 : 51 am This one turned up in my inbox yesterday and it 's an obvious soulmate to the joke above . . . How to wash a toilet 1 . Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1 / 8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl . 2 . Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom . 3 . In one smooth movement , put the cat in the toilet and close the lid . You may need to stand on the lid . . . 4 . The cat will self agitate and make ample suds . Never mind the noises that come from the toilet , the cat is actually enjoying this . 5 . Flush the toilet three or four times . This provides a ' power - wash ' and rinse ' . 6 . Have someone open the front door of your home . Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door . 7 . Stand behind the toilet as far as you can , and quickly lift the lid . 8 . The cat will rocket out of the toilet , streak through the bathroom , and run outside where he will dry himself off . 9 . Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean . Yours Sincerely , The Dog Top Postby Kaktus » Tue Feb 08 , 2011 8 : 05 am These quotes are from one of my favorite blogs : These are things people actually said in court , word for word , taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place . = = = = Q : Are you sexually active ? A : No , I just lie there . = = = = Q : What is your date of birth ? A : July fifteenth . Q : What year ? A : Every year . = = = = Q : What gear were you in at the moment of the impact ? A : Gucci sweats and Reeboks . = = = = Q : This myasthenia gravis , does it affect your memory at all ? A : Yes . Q : And in what ways does it affect your memory ? A : I forget . Q : You forget . Can you give us an example of something that you 've forgotten ? = = = = Q : What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning ? A : He said , " Where am I , Cathy ? " Q : And why did that upset you ? A : My name is Susan . = = = = Q : Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult ? A : We both do . Q : Voodoo ? A : We do . Q : You do ? A : Yes , voodoo . = = = = Q : Now doctor , isn 't it true that when a person dies in his sleep , he doesn 't know about it until the next morning ? = = = = Q : The youngest son , the twenty - year old , how old is he ? = = = = Q : Were you present when your picture was taken ? = = = = Q : So the date of conception ( of the baby ) was August 8th ? A : Yes . Q : And what were you doing at that time ? = = = = Q : She had three children , right ? A : Yes . Q : How many were boys ? A : None . Q : Were there any girls ? = = = = Q : How was your first marriage terminated ? A : By death . Q : And by whose death was it terminated ? = = = = Q : Can you describe the individual ? A : He was about medium height and had a beard . Q : Was this a male , or a female ? = = = = Q : Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney ? A : No , this is how I dress when I go to work . = = = = Q : Doctor , how many autopsies have you performed on dead people ? A : All my autopsies are performed on dead people . = = = = Q : All your responses must be oral , OK ? What school did you go to ? A : Oral . = = = = Q : Do you recaEnglish isn 't my native language . So please accept my apologies for my kind of spelling and grammar Top Postby cooran » Fri Feb 11 , 2011 9 : 06 am A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something . The driver screamed , lost control of the cab , nearly hit a bus , drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window . For a few moments everything was silent in the cab , then the driver said , " Please , don 't ever do that again . You scared the daylights out of me . " The passenger , who was also frightened , apologized and said he didn 't realize that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much , to which the driver replied , " I 'm sorry , it 's really not your fault at all . Today is my first day driving a cab , I have been driving a hearse for the last 25 years . Postby cooran » Sat Feb 12 , 2011 9 : 03 pm A rather old fashioned lady , always quite delicate and elegant , especially in her language , was planning a weeks holiday in Sydney with her husband , so she wrote to a particular camping ground and asked for a reservation . She wanted to make sure that the camping ground was fully equipped , but didn 't know quite how to ask about the toilet facilities . She just couldn 't bring herselfto write the word " toilet " in her letter . After much thought , she finally came up with the old fashioned term " Bathroom closet " but when she wrote it down , she still thought she was being too forward , so she started all over again , rewrote the letter , and referred to the bathroom closet as the B . C . " Does the camping ground have it 's own B . C . " is what she wrote . Well , the camping ground owner wasn 't a bit old fashioned , and he just couldn 't figure out what the old lady was talking about , so he showed the letter around a few of the campers and the only thing they could come up with was that B . C . stood for Baptist Church , so he wrote the following reply . Dear Madam , I regret very much the delay in answering your letter , but I now take the pleasure of informing you that a B . C . is located nine miles north of our camping ground , and is capable of seating 250 people at one time . I admit that it is quite a distance away if you are in the habit of going regularly but no doubt you will be pleased to know that a great number of campers go there and many take their lunches along and make a day of it . They usually arrive nice and early and stay quite late . The last time my wife and I went was six years ago , and it was so crowded we had to stand up the whole time we were there . It may interest you to know that there is a special supper planned there to raise money to buy more seats so that everyone will be able to sit in comfort . I would like to say that it pains me very much not to be able to go more regularly , but it is surely no lack of desire on my part , just that I am so busy most of the time . As we grow older , it - - - The trouble is that you think you have time - - - - - - Worry is the Interest , paid in advance , on a debt you may never owe - - - - - - It 's not what happens to you in life that is important ~ it 's what you do with it - - -
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Postby Kim OHara » Sun Jan 30 , 2011 10 : 37 am I thought I might be busy this evening dealing with a cyclone ( = hurricane in US - speak ) but it changed course so I 'm , a bit idle and a bit relieved . . . EVER WONDER # 2Q Why the sun lightens our hair , but darkens our skin ? A It doesn 't . Go to Indonesia , Madagascar , Angola , Mexico - just about anywhere there 's lots of sun - and you will see we all have black hair … oh , you 're white . You guys are seriously weird . Q Why women can 't put on mascara with their mouth closed ? A I 'm a bloke . I wouldn 't dare speculate . Q Why don 't you ever see the headline " Psychic Wins Lottery " ? A Because good psychics have the foresight to know that people would pester them forever after and bad psychics don 't win . Q Why is " abbreviated " such a long word ? A To make up for the shortness of " long . " Q Why is it that doctors call what they do " practice " ? A Everyone knows that practice makes perfect and doctors want perfect health for their patients . Q Why is it that to stop Windows 98 , you have to click on " Start " ? A Duh ! It 's Windows , dummy . * Q Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor , and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons ? A Lemon juice is made of sunlight and pure rainwater and good rich earth . What " lemon juice " is made of is something quite different and best not examined too closely . Q Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker ? A Because he ends up broker than his clients ? DO NOT LAUGH ! ! ! Q Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour ? A It 's the time everyone rushes for their cars , of course . Q Why isn 't there mouse - flavored cat food ? A There is . I know . Q When dog food is new and improved tasting , who tests it ? A See previous answer . Q Why didn 't Noah swat those two mosquitoes ? A He was wise enough to know that God , who is perfect in every way , could not possibly have made mosquitos without good reason and humble enough to accept that , although he had little understanding of the glorious complexity of the Web of Life , he should not interferTop Postby cooran » Mon Jan 31 , 2011 7 : 54 am heheheh1 . A day without sunshine is like night . 2 . On the other hand , you have different fingers . 3 . 42 . 7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot . 4 . Remember , half the people you know are below average . 5 . He who laughs last ; thinks slowest . 6 . The early bird may get the worm , but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap . 7 . Support bacteria . They 're the only culture most people have . 8 . A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory . 9 . Change is inevitable , except from vending machines . 10 . If you think nobody cares , try missing a couple of payments . 11 . How many of you believe in psycho - kinesis ? Raise my hand . 12 . OK , so what 's the speed of dark ? 13 . When everything is coming your way , you 're in the wrong lane . 14 . How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges ? 15 . Eagles may soar , but weasels don 't get sucked into jet engines . 16 . What happens if you get scared half to death , twice ? 17 . Why do psychics have to ask you your name ? 18 . Inside every older person is a younger person wondering , ' What the heck happened ? ' 19 . Just remember - - if the world didn 't suck , we would all fall off . 20 . Light travels faster than sound . That 's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak . 21 . Life isn 't like a box of chocolates . It 's more like a jar of jalapenos . What you do today , might burn your butt tomorrow . Postby tiltbillings » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 7 : 53 am This being is bound to samsara , kamma is his means for going beyond . - - SN I , 38 . " Of course it is happening inside your head , Harry , but why on earth should that mean that it is not real ? " HPatDH p . 723 >> Do you see a man wise [ enlightened / ariya ] in his own eyes ? There is more hope for a fool than for him . << - - Proverbs 26 : 12 Postby JimKai » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 4 : 33 pm Kare wrote : cooran wrote : Maybe this style , Kare ? Do not argue with an idiot . He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience . I want to die peacefully in my sleep , like my grandfather . . Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car . I asked God for a bike , but I know God doesn 't work that way . So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness . Not quite . The Norwegian ones in this category all are questions , and they all start with " Why cannot I . . . when . . . " . They are all very language specific , so they just don 't translate well . Some of them are real absurd . The one about Knox was rather lame , but it was the only one I could invent in English . Oh yes - another one just popped up : " Why can 't I quit , when biscuits ? " There is one absurd joke in finnish . Translated to english , it would be something like : " Want went to a store . A shovel . " It is known as the worst joke in the whole language , but it used to crack us up as kids ! Postby meindzai » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 5 : 15 pm Geeky physics joke I am giggling about today . I sent it to my 13 year old ( and very bright ) nephew who is home sick , and told him his homework is to explain it . The tachyon leaves . The bartender says " We don 't serve your kind here ! " A tachyon walks into a bar . - M Postby Kare » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 5 : 38 pm meindzai wrote : Geeky physics joke I am giggling about today . I sent it to my 13 year old ( and very bright ) nephew who is home sick , and told him his homework is to explain it . The tachyon leaves . The bartender says " We don 't serve your kind here ! " A tachyon walks into a bar . - MLooks like a lot of tachyons are writing e - mails these days . . . . Mettāya , Kåre Postby cooran » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 8 : 08 pm Hehheh - A Swiss man , looking for directions , pulls up at a bus stop where two Americans are waiting . " Entschuldigung , koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen ? " he asks . The two Americans just stare at him . " Excusez - moi , parlez vous Fracais ? " he tries . The two continue to stare . " Parlare Italiano ? " No response . " Hablan ustedes Espanol ? " Still nothing . The Swiss guy drives off , extremely disgusted . The first American turns to the second and says , " Y ' know , maybe we should learn a foreign language . " " Why ? " says the other . " That guy knew four languages , and it didn 't do him any good . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - A man mentioned to his landlord about the tenants in the apartment over his . " Many a night they stamp on the floor and shout till midnight . " When the landlord asked if it bothered him , he replied , " Not really , for I usually stay up and practice my trumpet till about that time most every night anyway . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Bill , Jim , and Scott were at a convention together and were sharing a large suite on the top of a 75 - story skyscraper . After a long day of meetings they were shocked to hear that the elevators in their hotel were broken and they would have to climb 75 flights of stairs to get to their room . Bill said to Jim and Scott , let 's break the monotony of this unpleasant task by concentrating on something interesting . I 'll tell jokes for 25 flights , and Jim can sing songs for 25 flights , and Scott can tell sad stories the rest of the way . At the 26th floor Bill stopped telling jokes and Jim began to sing . At the 51st floor Jim stopped singing and Scott began to tell sad stories . " I will tell my saddest story first , " he said . " I left the room key in the car ! " Postby Kare » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 9 : 28 pm cooran wrote : Hehheh - A Swiss man , looking for directions , pulls up at a bus stop where two Americans are waiting . " Entschuldigung , koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen ? " he asks . The two Americans just stare at him . " Excusez - moi , parlez vous Fracais ? " he tries . The two continue to stare . " Parlare Italiano ? " No response . " Hablan ustedes Espanol ? " Still nothing . The Swiss guy drives off , extremely disgusted . The first American turns to the second and says , " Y ' know , maybe we should learn a foreign language . " " Why ? " says the other . " That guy knew four languages , and it didn 't do him any good . " I feel that way myself at times . . . Mettāya , Kåre Postby cooran » Fri Feb 04 , 2011 7 : 57 am The judge frowned at the tired robber and said , " then you admit breaking into the same store on three successive nights ? " " Yes , your honor . " " And why was that ? " " Because my wife wanted a dress . " The judge check with his records , " But it says here you broke in three nights in a row ! " " Yes sir . She made me exchange it two times . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations . At closing time , he saw a fellow tumble out of the bar , trip on the curb , and try his keys in five different cars before he found his . Then he sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes . Everyone else left the bar and drove off . Finally he started his engine and began to pull away . The police officer was waiting for him . He stopped the driver , read him his rights and administered the Breathalyser test . The results showed a reading of 0 . 0 . The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be . The driver replied , " Tonight I 'm the designated decoy . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the other end . After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks , tentatively , " Um , would you mind if I chatted with you for a while ? " To which she responds by yelling , at the top of her lungs , " No , I won 't sleep with you tonight ! " By now , the entire bar is staring at them . Naturally , the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table . After a few minutes , the woman walks over to him and apologizes . She smiles at him and says , " I 'm sorry if I embarrassed you . You see , I 'm a graduate student in psychology and I 'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations . " To which he responds , at the top of his lungs , " What do you mean $ 200 ! " Postby cooran » Sat Feb 05 , 2011 9 : 15 am Two boy scouts went on a nature hike in the hills picking hickory nuts . Along the way , they filled their small pails and then started to fill their pockets and shirts . When they could hold no more nuts , they started down the country road until they came across a cemetery . The boys decided that would be a good place to stop and rest and divide out the nuts . The two boys sat in the shade of a large oak tree and unloaded their pockets and buckets by dumping all of the nuts in a large pile . In the process , two of them rolled away and rested near the road . The boys then proceeded to divide out the nuts . " One for you . One for me . One for you . One for me . " As they were doing this , another boy was passing by and happened to hear them . He looked into the cemetery , but could not see the boys , because they were obscured by the tree . He hesitated a moment and then ran back to town . " Father ! Father ! " he yelled as he entered his house . " The cemetery . Come quick ! " " What 's the matter ? " his father asked . " No time to explain , " the boy frantically panted . " Follow me ! " The boy and his father ran up the country road and stopped when they reached the cemetery . They stopped at the side of the road and all fell silent for a few moments . Then the father asked his son what was wrong . " Do you hear that ? " he whispered . Both people listened intently and heard the Scouts . " One for me . One for you . One for me . One for you . . . " The boy then blurted out , " The devil and the Lord are dividing the souls ! " The father was skeptical but silent - - until a few moments later as the Scouts completed dividing out the nuts and one Scout said to the other , " Now , as soon as we get those two nuts down by the road , we 'll have them all . " Postby cooran » Sun Feb 06 , 2011 8 : 58 am " But doctor , " lamented the young husband in counselling , " whenever Sue and I quarrel , she becomes historical . " " You mean , hysterical , " said the doctor . " No , historical . She is always digging up my past . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - After many sessions the psychiatrist says to his patient : Congratulations , Sir , you are cured . The patient says : Some cure . Before I was Alexander the Great . Now I 'm nobody . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Patient : Doctor I have a sore throat , I ache , and have a fever . Doctor : Sounds like some kind of virus . Patient : Everyone in the office has it . Doctor : Well then , maybe it 's a staff infection . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - A dentist , after completing work on a patient , came to him and asked ; " could you help me ? Could you give out a few of your loudest , most painful screams ? " The surprised patient said ; " why doctor , it wasn 't all that bad this time ! " The dentist said ; " there are so many people in the waiting room right now , and I don 't want to miss the four o ' clock train . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Postby cooran » Mon Feb 07 , 2011 9 : 18 am A mum was concerned about her kindergarten son walking to school . He didn 't want his mother to walk with him . She wanted to give him the feeling that he had some independence but yet know that he was safe . So she had an idea of how to handle it . She asked a neighbor if she would please follow him to school in the mornings , staying at a distance , so he probably wouldn 't notice her . The neighbor said that since she was up early with her toddler anyway , it would be a good way for them to get some exercise as well , so she agreed . The next school day , the neighbor and her little girl set out following behind Timmy as he walked to school with another neighbor girl he knew . She did this for the whole week . As the two walked and chatted , kicking stones and twigs , Timmy 's little friend noticed the same lady was following them as she seemed to do every day all week . Finally she said to Timmy , ' Have you noticed that lady following us to school all week ? Do you know her ? ' Timmy nonchalantly replied , ' Yeah , I know who she is . ' The little girl said , ' Well , who is she ? ' ' That 's just Shirley Goodnest , ' Timmy replied , ' and her daughter Marcy . ' ' Shirley Goodnest ? Who the heck is she and why is she following us ? ' Well , ' Timmy explained , ' every night my Mum makes me say the 23rd Psalm with my prayers , ' cuz she worries about me so much . And in the Psalm , it says , ' Shirley Goodnest and Marcy shall follow me all the days of my life ' , so I guess I 'll just have to get used to it ! ' Postby andre9999 » Mon Feb 07 , 2011 3 : 27 pm That was terrible . It reminds me of the joke : Q : " How many angels can you fit into a honda ? " A : " All of them . They all sing in one Accord . " Postby cooran » Tue Feb 08 , 2011 5 : 14 am How to give a cat a pill . 1 . Pick up the cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby . Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat 's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand . As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth . Allow cat to close mouth and swallow . 2 . Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa . Cradle cat in left Arm and repeat process . 3 . Take new pill from foil wrap , cradle cat in left arm , holding rear paws tightly with left hand . Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger . Hold mouth shut for a count of ten . 4 . Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees , hold front and rear paws , ignore growls emitted by cat . Get spouse to hold cat 's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth . Drop pill down ruler and rub cat 's throat vigorously . 5 . Retrieve cat from curtain rail , get another pill from foil wrap . Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains . Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later . 6 . Wrap cat in a large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with cat 's head just visible from below armpit . Put pill in end of a drinking straw , force cat 's mouth open with pencil and blow down straw . 7 . Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans , drink a beer to take away the taste . Apply Band - Aid to spouse 's forearm and remove blood from the carpet with soap and water . 8 . Tie the little angel 's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of the dining table . Find heavy pruning gloves from shed . Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak . Be rough about it . Hold head vertical and pour 2 pints of water down cat 's throat to wash down pill . 9 . Consume remainder of scotch . Get spouse to drive you to the Accident and Emergency clinic , sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill from your eye . Call furniture shop on way home t - - - The trouble is that you think you have time - - - - - - Worry is the Interest , paid in advance , on a debt you may never owe - - - - - - It 's not what happens to you in life that is important ~ it 's what you do with it - - - Postby Kim OHara » Tue Feb 08 , 2011 5 : 51 am This one turned up in my inbox yesterday and it 's an obvious soulmate to the joke above . . . How to wash a toilet 1 . Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1 / 8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl . 2 . Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom . 3 . In one smooth movement , put the cat in the toilet and close the lid . You may need to stand on the lid . . . 4 . The cat will self agitate and make ample suds . Never mind the noises that come from the toilet , the cat is actually enjoying this . 5 . Flush the toilet three or four times . This provides a ' power - wash ' and rinse ' . 6 . Have someone open the front door of your home . Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door . 7 . Stand behind the toilet as far as you can , and quickly lift the lid . 8 . The cat will rocket out of the toilet , streak through the bathroom , and run outside where he will dry himself off . 9 . Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean . Yours Sincerely , The Dog Top Postby Kaktus » Tue Feb 08 , 2011 8 : 05 am These quotes are from one of my favorite blogs : These are things people actually said in court , word for word , taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place . = = = = Q : Are you sexually active ? A : No , I just lie there . = = = = Q : What is your date of birth ? A : July fifteenth . Q : What year ? A : Every year . = = = = Q : What gear were you in at the moment of the impact ? A : Gucci sweats and Reeboks . = = = = Q : This myasthenia gravis , does it affect your memory at all ? A : Yes . Q : And in what ways does it affect your memory ? A : I forget . Q : You forget . Can you give us an example of something that you 've forgotten ? = = = = Q : What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning ? A : He said , " Where am I , Cathy ? " Q : And why did that upset you ? A : My name is Susan . = = = = Q : Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult ? A : We both do . Q : Voodoo ? A : We do . Q : You do ? A : Yes , voodoo . = = = = Q : Now doctor , isn 't it true that when a person dies in his sleep , he doesn 't know about it until the next morning ? = = = = Q : The youngest son , the twenty - year old , how old is he ? = = = = Q : Were you present when your picture was taken ? = = = = Q : So the date of conception ( of the baby ) was August 8th ? A : Yes . Q : And what were you doing at that time ? = = = = Q : She had three children , right ? A : Yes . Q : How many were boys ? A : None . Q : Were there any girls ? = = = = Q : How was your first marriage terminated ? A : By death . Q : And by whose death was it terminated ? = = = = Q : Can you describe the individual ? A : He was about medium height and had a beard . Q : Was this a male , or a female ? = = = = Q : Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney ? A : No , this is how I dress when I go to work . = = = = Q : Doctor , how many autopsies have you performed on dead people ? A : All my autopsies are performed on dead people . = = = = Q : All your responses must be oral , OK ? What school did you go to ? A : Oral . = = = = Q : Do you recaEnglish isn 't my native language . So please accept my apologies for my kind of spelling and grammar Top Postby cooran » Fri Feb 11 , 2011 9 : 06 am A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something . The driver screamed , lost control of the cab , nearly hit a bus , drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window . For a few moments everything was silent in the cab , then the driver said , " Please , don 't ever do that again . You scared the daylights out of me . " The passenger , who was also frightened , apologized and said he didn 't realize that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much , to which the driver replied , " I 'm sorry , it 's really not your fault at all . Today is my first day driving a cab , I have been driving a hearse for the last 25 years . Postby cooran » Sat Feb 12 , 2011 9 : 03 pm A rather old fashioned lady , always quite delicate and elegant , especially in her language , was planning a weeks holiday in Sydney with her husband , so she wrote to a particular camping ground and asked for a reservation . She wanted to make sure that the camping ground was fully equipped , but didn 't know quite how to ask about the toilet facilities . She just couldn 't bring herselfto write the word " toilet " in her letter . After much thought , she finally came up with the old fashioned term " Bathroom closet " but when she wrote it down , she still thought she was being too forward , so she started all over again , rewrote the letter , and referred to the bathroom closet as the B . C . " Does the camping ground have it 's own B . C . " is what she wrote . Well , the camping ground owner wasn 't a bit old fashioned , and he just couldn 't figure out what the old lady was talking about , so he showed the letter around a few of the campers and the only thing they could come up with was that B . C . stood for Baptist Church , so he wrote the following reply . Dear Madam , I regret very much the delay in answering your letter , but I now take the pleasure of informing you that a B . C . is located nine miles north of our camping ground , and is capable of seating 250 people at one time . I admit that it is quite a distance away if you are in the habit of going regularly but no doubt you will be pleased to know that a great number of campers go there and many take their lunches along and make a day of it . They usually arrive nice and early and stay quite late . The last time my wife and I went was six years ago , and it was so crowded we had to stand up the whole time we were there . It may interest you to know that there is a special supper planned there to raise money to buy more seats so that everyone will be able to sit in comfort . I would like to say that it pains me very much not to be able to go more regularly , but it is surely no lack of desire on my part , just that I am so busy most of the time . As we grow older , it - - - The trouble is that you think you have time - - - - - - Worry is the Interest , paid in advance , on a debt you may never owe - - - - - - It 's not what happens to you in life that is important ~ it 's what you do with it - - -
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Postby Kim OHara » Sun Jan 30 , 2011 10 : 37 am I thought I might be busy this evening dealing with a cyclone ( = hurricane in US - speak ) but it changed course so I 'm , a bit idle and a bit relieved . . . EVER WONDER # 2Q Why the sun lightens our hair , but darkens our skin ? A It doesn 't . Go to Indonesia , Madagascar , Angola , Mexico - just about anywhere there 's lots of sun - and you will see we all have black hair … oh , you 're white . You guys are seriously weird . Q Why women can 't put on mascara with their mouth closed ? A I 'm a bloke . I wouldn 't dare speculate . Q Why don 't you ever see the headline " Psychic Wins Lottery " ? A Because good psychics have the foresight to know that people would pester them forever after and bad psychics don 't win . Q Why is " abbreviated " such a long word ? A To make up for the shortness of " long . " Q Why is it that doctors call what they do " practice " ? A Everyone knows that practice makes perfect and doctors want perfect health for their patients . Q Why is it that to stop Windows 98 , you have to click on " Start " ? A Duh ! It 's Windows , dummy . * Q Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor , and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons ? A Lemon juice is made of sunlight and pure rainwater and good rich earth . What " lemon juice " is made of is something quite different and best not examined too closely . Q Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker ? A Because he ends up broker than his clients ? DO NOT LAUGH ! ! ! Q Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour ? A It 's the time everyone rushes for their cars , of course . Q Why isn 't there mouse - flavored cat food ? A There is . I know . Q When dog food is new and improved tasting , who tests it ? A See previous answer . Q Why didn 't Noah swat those two mosquitoes ? A He was wise enough to know that God , who is perfect in every way , could not possibly have made mosquitos without good reason and humble enough to accept that , although he had little understanding of the glorious complexity of the Web of Life , he should not interferTop Postby cooran » Mon Jan 31 , 2011 7 : 54 am heheheh1 . A day without sunshine is like night . 2 . On the other hand , you have different fingers . 3 . 42 . 7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot . 4 . Remember , half the people you know are below average . 5 . He who laughs last ; thinks slowest . 6 . The early bird may get the worm , but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap . 7 . Support bacteria . They 're the only culture most people have . 8 . A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory . 9 . Change is inevitable , except from vending machines . 10 . If you think nobody cares , try missing a couple of payments . 11 . How many of you believe in psycho - kinesis ? Raise my hand . 12 . OK , so what 's the speed of dark ? 13 . When everything is coming your way , you 're in the wrong lane . 14 . How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges ? 15 . Eagles may soar , but weasels don 't get sucked into jet engines . 16 . What happens if you get scared half to death , twice ? 17 . Why do psychics have to ask you your name ? 18 . Inside every older person is a younger person wondering , ' What the heck happened ? ' 19 . Just remember - - if the world didn 't suck , we would all fall off . 20 . Light travels faster than sound . That 's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak . 21 . Life isn 't like a box of chocolates . It 's more like a jar of jalapenos . What you do today , might burn your butt tomorrow . Postby tiltbillings » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 7 : 53 am This being is bound to samsara , kamma is his means for going beyond . - - SN I , 38 . " Of course it is happening inside your head , Harry , but why on earth should that mean that it is not real ? " HPatDH p . 723 >> Do you see a man wise [ enlightened / ariya ] in his own eyes ? There is more hope for a fool than for him . << - - Proverbs 26 : 12 Postby JimKai » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 4 : 33 pm Kare wrote : cooran wrote : Maybe this style , Kare ? Do not argue with an idiot . He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience . I want to die peacefully in my sleep , like my grandfather . . Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car . I asked God for a bike , but I know God doesn 't work that way . So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness . Not quite . The Norwegian ones in this category all are questions , and they all start with " Why cannot I . . . when . . . " . They are all very language specific , so they just don 't translate well . Some of them are real absurd . The one about Knox was rather lame , but it was the only one I could invent in English . Oh yes - another one just popped up : " Why can 't I quit , when biscuits ? " There is one absurd joke in finnish . Translated to english , it would be something like : " Want went to a store . A shovel . " It is known as the worst joke in the whole language , but it used to crack us up as kids ! Postby meindzai » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 5 : 15 pm Geeky physics joke I am giggling about today . I sent it to my 13 year old ( and very bright ) nephew who is home sick , and told him his homework is to explain it . The tachyon leaves . The bartender says " We don 't serve your kind here ! " A tachyon walks into a bar . - M Postby Kare » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 5 : 38 pm meindzai wrote : Geeky physics joke I am giggling about today . I sent it to my 13 year old ( and very bright ) nephew who is home sick , and told him his homework is to explain it . The tachyon leaves . The bartender says " We don 't serve your kind here ! " A tachyon walks into a bar . - MLooks like a lot of tachyons are writing e - mails these days . . . . Mettāya , Kåre Postby cooran » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 8 : 08 pm Hehheh - A Swiss man , looking for directions , pulls up at a bus stop where two Americans are waiting . " Entschuldigung , koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen ? " he asks . The two Americans just stare at him . " Excusez - moi , parlez vous Fracais ? " he tries . The two continue to stare . " Parlare Italiano ? " No response . " Hablan ustedes Espanol ? " Still nothing . The Swiss guy drives off , extremely disgusted . The first American turns to the second and says , " Y ' know , maybe we should learn a foreign language . " " Why ? " says the other . " That guy knew four languages , and it didn 't do him any good . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - A man mentioned to his landlord about the tenants in the apartment over his . " Many a night they stamp on the floor and shout till midnight . " When the landlord asked if it bothered him , he replied , " Not really , for I usually stay up and practice my trumpet till about that time most every night anyway . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Bill , Jim , and Scott were at a convention together and were sharing a large suite on the top of a 75 - story skyscraper . After a long day of meetings they were shocked to hear that the elevators in their hotel were broken and they would have to climb 75 flights of stairs to get to their room . Bill said to Jim and Scott , let 's break the monotony of this unpleasant task by concentrating on something interesting . I 'll tell jokes for 25 flights , and Jim can sing songs for 25 flights , and Scott can tell sad stories the rest of the way . At the 26th floor Bill stopped telling jokes and Jim began to sing . At the 51st floor Jim stopped singing and Scott began to tell sad stories . " I will tell my saddest story first , " he said . " I left the room key in the car ! " Postby Kare » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 9 : 28 pm cooran wrote : Hehheh - A Swiss man , looking for directions , pulls up at a bus stop where two Americans are waiting . " Entschuldigung , koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen ? " he asks . The two Americans just stare at him . " Excusez - moi , parlez vous Fracais ? " he tries . The two continue to stare . " Parlare Italiano ? " No response . " Hablan ustedes Espanol ? " Still nothing . The Swiss guy drives off , extremely disgusted . The first American turns to the second and says , " Y ' know , maybe we should learn a foreign language . " " Why ? " says the other . " That guy knew four languages , and it didn 't do him any good . " I feel that way myself at times . . . Mettāya , Kåre Postby cooran » Fri Feb 04 , 2011 7 : 57 am The judge frowned at the tired robber and said , " then you admit breaking into the same store on three successive nights ? " " Yes , your honor . " " And why was that ? " " Because my wife wanted a dress . " The judge check with his records , " But it says here you broke in three nights in a row ! " " Yes sir . She made me exchange it two times . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations . At closing time , he saw a fellow tumble out of the bar , trip on the curb , and try his keys in five different cars before he found his . Then he sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes . Everyone else left the bar and drove off . Finally he started his engine and began to pull away . The police officer was waiting for him . He stopped the driver , read him his rights and administered the Breathalyser test . The results showed a reading of 0 . 0 . The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be . The driver replied , " Tonight I 'm the designated decoy . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the other end . After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks , tentatively , " Um , would you mind if I chatted with you for a while ? " To which she responds by yelling , at the top of her lungs , " No , I won 't sleep with you tonight ! " By now , the entire bar is staring at them . Naturally , the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table . After a few minutes , the woman walks over to him and apologizes . She smiles at him and says , " I 'm sorry if I embarrassed you . You see , I 'm a graduate student in psychology and I 'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations . " To which he responds , at the top of his lungs , " What do you mean $ 200 ! " Postby cooran » Sat Feb 05 , 2011 9 : 15 am Two boy scouts went on a nature hike in the hills picking hickory nuts . Along the way , they filled their small pails and then started to fill their pockets and shirts . When they could hold no more nuts , they started down the country road until they came across a cemetery . The boys decided that would be a good place to stop and rest and divide out the nuts . The two boys sat in the shade of a large oak tree and unloaded their pockets and buckets by dumping all of the nuts in a large pile . In the process , two of them rolled away and rested near the road . The boys then proceeded to divide out the nuts . " One for you . One for me . One for you . One for me . " As they were doing this , another boy was passing by and happened to hear them . He looked into the cemetery , but could not see the boys , because they were obscured by the tree . He hesitated a moment and then ran back to town . " Father ! Father ! " he yelled as he entered his house . " The cemetery . Come quick ! " " What 's the matter ? " his father asked . " No time to explain , " the boy frantically panted . " Follow me ! " The boy and his father ran up the country road and stopped when they reached the cemetery . They stopped at the side of the road and all fell silent for a few moments . Then the father asked his son what was wrong . " Do you hear that ? " he whispered . Both people listened intently and heard the Scouts . " One for me . One for you . One for me . One for you . . . " The boy then blurted out , " The devil and the Lord are dividing the souls ! " The father was skeptical but silent - - until a few moments later as the Scouts completed dividing out the nuts and one Scout said to the other , " Now , as soon as we get those two nuts down by the road , we 'll have them all . " Postby cooran » Sun Feb 06 , 2011 8 : 58 am " But doctor , " lamented the young husband in counselling , " whenever Sue and I quarrel , she becomes historical . " " You mean , hysterical , " said the doctor . " No , historical . She is always digging up my past . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - After many sessions the psychiatrist says to his patient : Congratulations , Sir , you are cured . The patient says : Some cure . Before I was Alexander the Great . Now I 'm nobody . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Patient : Doctor I have a sore throat , I ache , and have a fever . Doctor : Sounds like some kind of virus . Patient : Everyone in the office has it . Doctor : Well then , maybe it 's a staff infection . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - A dentist , after completing work on a patient , came to him and asked ; " could you help me ? Could you give out a few of your loudest , most painful screams ? " The surprised patient said ; " why doctor , it wasn 't all that bad this time ! " The dentist said ; " there are so many people in the waiting room right now , and I don 't want to miss the four o ' clock train . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Postby cooran » Mon Feb 07 , 2011 9 : 18 am A mum was concerned about her kindergarten son walking to school . He didn 't want his mother to walk with him . She wanted to give him the feeling that he had some independence but yet know that he was safe . So she had an idea of how to handle it . She asked a neighbor if she would please follow him to school in the mornings , staying at a distance , so he probably wouldn 't notice her . The neighbor said that since she was up early with her toddler anyway , it would be a good way for them to get some exercise as well , so she agreed . The next school day , the neighbor and her little girl set out following behind Timmy as he walked to school with another neighbor girl he knew . She did this for the whole week . As the two walked and chatted , kicking stones and twigs , Timmy 's little friend noticed the same lady was following them as she seemed to do every day all week . Finally she said to Timmy , ' Have you noticed that lady following us to school all week ? Do you know her ? ' Timmy nonchalantly replied , ' Yeah , I know who she is . ' The little girl said , ' Well , who is she ? ' ' That 's just Shirley Goodnest , ' Timmy replied , ' and her daughter Marcy . ' ' Shirley Goodnest ? Who the heck is she and why is she following us ? ' Well , ' Timmy explained , ' every night my Mum makes me say the 23rd Psalm with my prayers , ' cuz she worries about me so much . And in the Psalm , it says , ' Shirley Goodnest and Marcy shall follow me all the days of my life ' , so I guess I 'll just have to get used to it ! ' Postby andre9999 » Mon Feb 07 , 2011 3 : 27 pm That was terrible . It reminds me of the joke : Q : " How many angels can you fit into a honda ? " A : " All of them . They all sing in one Accord . " Postby cooran » Tue Feb 08 , 2011 5 : 14 am How to give a cat a pill . 1 . Pick up the cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby . Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat 's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand . As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth . Allow cat to close mouth and swallow . 2 . Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa . Cradle cat in left Arm and repeat process . 3 . Take new pill from foil wrap , cradle cat in left arm , holding rear paws tightly with left hand . Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger . Hold mouth shut for a count of ten . 4 . Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees , hold front and rear paws , ignore growls emitted by cat . Get spouse to hold cat 's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth . Drop pill down ruler and rub cat 's throat vigorously . 5 . Retrieve cat from curtain rail , get another pill from foil wrap . Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains . Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later . 6 . Wrap cat in a large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with cat 's head just visible from below armpit . Put pill in end of a drinking straw , force cat 's mouth open with pencil and blow down straw . 7 . Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans , drink a beer to take away the taste . Apply Band - Aid to spouse 's forearm and remove blood from the carpet with soap and water . 8 . Tie the little angel 's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of the dining table . Find heavy pruning gloves from shed . Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak . Be rough about it . Hold head vertical and pour 2 pints of water down cat 's throat to wash down pill . 9 . Consume remainder of scotch . Get spouse to drive you to the Accident and Emergency clinic , sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill from your eye . Call furniture shop on way home t - - - The trouble is that you think you have time - - - - - - Worry is the Interest , paid in advance , on a debt you may never owe - - - - - - It 's not what happens to you in life that is important ~ it 's what you do with it - - - Postby Kim OHara » Tue Feb 08 , 2011 5 : 51 am This one turned up in my inbox yesterday and it 's an obvious soulmate to the joke above . . . How to wash a toilet 1 . Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1 / 8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl . 2 . Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom . 3 . In one smooth movement , put the cat in the toilet and close the lid . You may need to stand on the lid . . . 4 . The cat will self agitate and make ample suds . Never mind the noises that come from the toilet , the cat is actually enjoying this . 5 . Flush the toilet three or four times . This provides a ' power - wash ' and rinse ' . 6 . Have someone open the front door of your home . Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door . 7 . Stand behind the toilet as far as you can , and quickly lift the lid . 8 . The cat will rocket out of the toilet , streak through the bathroom , and run outside where he will dry himself off . 9 . Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean . Yours Sincerely , The Dog Top Postby Kaktus » Tue Feb 08 , 2011 8 : 05 am These quotes are from one of my favorite blogs : These are things people actually said in court , word for word , taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place . = = = = Q : Are you sexually active ? A : No , I just lie there . = = = = Q : What is your date of birth ? A : July fifteenth . Q : What year ? A : Every year . = = = = Q : What gear were you in at the moment of the impact ? A : Gucci sweats and Reeboks . = = = = Q : This myasthenia gravis , does it affect your memory at all ? A : Yes . Q : And in what ways does it affect your memory ? A : I forget . Q : You forget . Can you give us an example of something that you 've forgotten ? = = = = Q : What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning ? A : He said , " Where am I , Cathy ? " Q : And why did that upset you ? A : My name is Susan . = = = = Q : Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult ? A : We both do . Q : Voodoo ? A : We do . Q : You do ? A : Yes , voodoo . = = = = Q : Now doctor , isn 't it true that when a person dies in his sleep , he doesn 't know about it until the next morning ? = = = = Q : The youngest son , the twenty - year old , how old is he ? = = = = Q : Were you present when your picture was taken ? = = = = Q : So the date of conception ( of the baby ) was August 8th ? A : Yes . Q : And what were you doing at that time ? = = = = Q : She had three children , right ? A : Yes . Q : How many were boys ? A : None . Q : Were there any girls ? = = = = Q : How was your first marriage terminated ? A : By death . Q : And by whose death was it terminated ? = = = = Q : Can you describe the individual ? A : He was about medium height and had a beard . Q : Was this a male , or a female ? = = = = Q : Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney ? A : No , this is how I dress when I go to work . = = = = Q : Doctor , how many autopsies have you performed on dead people ? A : All my autopsies are performed on dead people . = = = = Q : All your responses must be oral , OK ? What school did you go to ? A : Oral . = = = = Q : Do you recaEnglish isn 't my native language . So please accept my apologies for my kind of spelling and grammar Top Postby cooran » Fri Feb 11 , 2011 9 : 06 am A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something . The driver screamed , lost control of the cab , nearly hit a bus , drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window . For a few moments everything was silent in the cab , then the driver said , " Please , don 't ever do that again . You scared the daylights out of me . " The passenger , who was also frightened , apologized and said he didn 't realize that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much , to which the driver replied , " I 'm sorry , it 's really not your fault at all . Today is my first day driving a cab , I have been driving a hearse for the last 25 years . Postby cooran » Sat Feb 12 , 2011 9 : 03 pm A rather old fashioned lady , always quite delicate and elegant , especially in her language , was planning a weeks holiday in Sydney with her husband , so she wrote to a particular camping ground and asked for a reservation . She wanted to make sure that the camping ground was fully equipped , but didn 't know quite how to ask about the toilet facilities . She just couldn 't bring herselfto write the word " toilet " in her letter . After much thought , she finally came up with the old fashioned term " Bathroom closet " but when she wrote it down , she still thought she was being too forward , so she started all over again , rewrote the letter , and referred to the bathroom closet as the B . C . " Does the camping ground have it 's own B . C . " is what she wrote . Well , the camping ground owner wasn 't a bit old fashioned , and he just couldn 't figure out what the old lady was talking about , so he showed the letter around a few of the campers and the only thing they could come up with was that B . C . stood for Baptist Church , so he wrote the following reply . Dear Madam , I regret very much the delay in answering your letter , but I now take the pleasure of informing you that a B . C . is located nine miles north of our camping ground , and is capable of seating 250 people at one time . I admit that it is quite a distance away if you are in the habit of going regularly but no doubt you will be pleased to know that a great number of campers go there and many take their lunches along and make a day of it . They usually arrive nice and early and stay quite late . The last time my wife and I went was six years ago , and it was so crowded we had to stand up the whole time we were there . It may interest you to know that there is a special supper planned there to raise money to buy more seats so that everyone will be able to sit in comfort . I would like to say that it pains me very much not to be able to go more regularly , but it is surely no lack of desire on my part , just that I am so busy most of the time . As we grow older , it - - - The trouble is that you think you have time - - - - - - Worry is the Interest , paid in advance , on a debt you may never owe - - - - - - It 's not what happens to you in life that is important ~ it 's what you do with it - - -
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Postby Kim OHara » Sun Jan 30 , 2011 10 : 37 am I thought I might be busy this evening dealing with a cyclone ( = hurricane in US - speak ) but it changed course so I 'm , a bit idle and a bit relieved . . . EVER WONDER # 2Q Why the sun lightens our hair , but darkens our skin ? A It doesn 't . Go to Indonesia , Madagascar , Angola , Mexico - just about anywhere there 's lots of sun - and you will see we all have black hair … oh , you 're white . You guys are seriously weird . Q Why women can 't put on mascara with their mouth closed ? A I 'm a bloke . I wouldn 't dare speculate . Q Why don 't you ever see the headline " Psychic Wins Lottery " ? A Because good psychics have the foresight to know that people would pester them forever after and bad psychics don 't win . Q Why is " abbreviated " such a long word ? A To make up for the shortness of " long . " Q Why is it that doctors call what they do " practice " ? A Everyone knows that practice makes perfect and doctors want perfect health for their patients . Q Why is it that to stop Windows 98 , you have to click on " Start " ? A Duh ! It 's Windows , dummy . * Q Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor , and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons ? A Lemon juice is made of sunlight and pure rainwater and good rich earth . What " lemon juice " is made of is something quite different and best not examined too closely . Q Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker ? A Because he ends up broker than his clients ? DO NOT LAUGH ! ! ! Q Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour ? A It 's the time everyone rushes for their cars , of course . Q Why isn 't there mouse - flavored cat food ? A There is . I know . Q When dog food is new and improved tasting , who tests it ? A See previous answer . Q Why didn 't Noah swat those two mosquitoes ? A He was wise enough to know that God , who is perfect in every way , could not possibly have made mosquitos without good reason and humble enough to accept that , although he had little understanding of the glorious complexity of the Web of Life , he should not interferTop Postby cooran » Mon Jan 31 , 2011 7 : 54 am heheheh1 . A day without sunshine is like night . 2 . On the other hand , you have different fingers . 3 . 42 . 7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot . 4 . Remember , half the people you know are below average . 5 . He who laughs last ; thinks slowest . 6 . The early bird may get the worm , but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap . 7 . Support bacteria . They 're the only culture most people have . 8 . A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory . 9 . Change is inevitable , except from vending machines . 10 . If you think nobody cares , try missing a couple of payments . 11 . How many of you believe in psycho - kinesis ? Raise my hand . 12 . OK , so what 's the speed of dark ? 13 . When everything is coming your way , you 're in the wrong lane . 14 . How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges ? 15 . Eagles may soar , but weasels don 't get sucked into jet engines . 16 . What happens if you get scared half to death , twice ? 17 . Why do psychics have to ask you your name ? 18 . Inside every older person is a younger person wondering , ' What the heck happened ? ' 19 . Just remember - - if the world didn 't suck , we would all fall off . 20 . Light travels faster than sound . That 's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak . 21 . Life isn 't like a box of chocolates . It 's more like a jar of jalapenos . What you do today , might burn your butt tomorrow . Postby tiltbillings » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 7 : 53 am This being is bound to samsara , kamma is his means for going beyond . - - SN I , 38 . " Of course it is happening inside your head , Harry , but why on earth should that mean that it is not real ? " HPatDH p . 723 >> Do you see a man wise [ enlightened / ariya ] in his own eyes ? There is more hope for a fool than for him . << - - Proverbs 26 : 12 Postby JimKai » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 4 : 33 pm Kare wrote : cooran wrote : Maybe this style , Kare ? Do not argue with an idiot . He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience . I want to die peacefully in my sleep , like my grandfather . . Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car . I asked God for a bike , but I know God doesn 't work that way . So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness . Not quite . The Norwegian ones in this category all are questions , and they all start with " Why cannot I . . . when . . . " . They are all very language specific , so they just don 't translate well . Some of them are real absurd . The one about Knox was rather lame , but it was the only one I could invent in English . Oh yes - another one just popped up : " Why can 't I quit , when biscuits ? " There is one absurd joke in finnish . Translated to english , it would be something like : " Want went to a store . A shovel . " It is known as the worst joke in the whole language , but it used to crack us up as kids ! Postby meindzai » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 5 : 15 pm Geeky physics joke I am giggling about today . I sent it to my 13 year old ( and very bright ) nephew who is home sick , and told him his homework is to explain it . The tachyon leaves . The bartender says " We don 't serve your kind here ! " A tachyon walks into a bar . - M Postby Kare » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 5 : 38 pm meindzai wrote : Geeky physics joke I am giggling about today . I sent it to my 13 year old ( and very bright ) nephew who is home sick , and told him his homework is to explain it . The tachyon leaves . The bartender says " We don 't serve your kind here ! " A tachyon walks into a bar . - MLooks like a lot of tachyons are writing e - mails these days . . . . Mettāya , Kåre Postby cooran » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 8 : 08 pm Hehheh - A Swiss man , looking for directions , pulls up at a bus stop where two Americans are waiting . " Entschuldigung , koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen ? " he asks . The two Americans just stare at him . " Excusez - moi , parlez vous Fracais ? " he tries . The two continue to stare . " Parlare Italiano ? " No response . " Hablan ustedes Espanol ? " Still nothing . The Swiss guy drives off , extremely disgusted . The first American turns to the second and says , " Y ' know , maybe we should learn a foreign language . " " Why ? " says the other . " That guy knew four languages , and it didn 't do him any good . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - A man mentioned to his landlord about the tenants in the apartment over his . " Many a night they stamp on the floor and shout till midnight . " When the landlord asked if it bothered him , he replied , " Not really , for I usually stay up and practice my trumpet till about that time most every night anyway . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Bill , Jim , and Scott were at a convention together and were sharing a large suite on the top of a 75 - story skyscraper . After a long day of meetings they were shocked to hear that the elevators in their hotel were broken and they would have to climb 75 flights of stairs to get to their room . Bill said to Jim and Scott , let 's break the monotony of this unpleasant task by concentrating on something interesting . I 'll tell jokes for 25 flights , and Jim can sing songs for 25 flights , and Scott can tell sad stories the rest of the way . At the 26th floor Bill stopped telling jokes and Jim began to sing . At the 51st floor Jim stopped singing and Scott began to tell sad stories . " I will tell my saddest story first , " he said . " I left the room key in the car ! " Postby Kare » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 9 : 28 pm cooran wrote : Hehheh - A Swiss man , looking for directions , pulls up at a bus stop where two Americans are waiting . " Entschuldigung , koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen ? " he asks . The two Americans just stare at him . " Excusez - moi , parlez vous Fracais ? " he tries . The two continue to stare . " Parlare Italiano ? " No response . " Hablan ustedes Espanol ? " Still nothing . The Swiss guy drives off , extremely disgusted . The first American turns to the second and says , " Y ' know , maybe we should learn a foreign language . " " Why ? " says the other . " That guy knew four languages , and it didn 't do him any good . " I feel that way myself at times . . . Mettāya , Kåre Postby cooran » Fri Feb 04 , 2011 7 : 57 am The judge frowned at the tired robber and said , " then you admit breaking into the same store on three successive nights ? " " Yes , your honor . " " And why was that ? " " Because my wife wanted a dress . " The judge check with his records , " But it says here you broke in three nights in a row ! " " Yes sir . She made me exchange it two times . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations . At closing time , he saw a fellow tumble out of the bar , trip on the curb , and try his keys in five different cars before he found his . Then he sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes . Everyone else left the bar and drove off . Finally he started his engine and began to pull away . The police officer was waiting for him . He stopped the driver , read him his rights and administered the Breathalyser test . The results showed a reading of 0 . 0 . The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be . The driver replied , " Tonight I 'm the designated decoy . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the other end . After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks , tentatively , " Um , would you mind if I chatted with you for a while ? " To which she responds by yelling , at the top of her lungs , " No , I won 't sleep with you tonight ! " By now , the entire bar is staring at them . Naturally , the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table . After a few minutes , the woman walks over to him and apologizes . She smiles at him and says , " I 'm sorry if I embarrassed you . You see , I 'm a graduate student in psychology and I 'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations . " To which he responds , at the top of his lungs , " What do you mean $ 200 ! " Postby cooran » Sat Feb 05 , 2011 9 : 15 am Two boy scouts went on a nature hike in the hills picking hickory nuts . Along the way , they filled their small pails and then started to fill their pockets and shirts . When they could hold no more nuts , they started down the country road until they came across a cemetery . The boys decided that would be a good place to stop and rest and divide out the nuts . The two boys sat in the shade of a large oak tree and unloaded their pockets and buckets by dumping all of the nuts in a large pile . In the process , two of them rolled away and rested near the road . The boys then proceeded to divide out the nuts . " One for you . One for me . One for you . One for me . " As they were doing this , another boy was passing by and happened to hear them . He looked into the cemetery , but could not see the boys , because they were obscured by the tree . He hesitated a moment and then ran back to town . " Father ! Father ! " he yelled as he entered his house . " The cemetery . Come quick ! " " What 's the matter ? " his father asked . " No time to explain , " the boy frantically panted . " Follow me ! " The boy and his father ran up the country road and stopped when they reached the cemetery . They stopped at the side of the road and all fell silent for a few moments . Then the father asked his son what was wrong . " Do you hear that ? " he whispered . Both people listened intently and heard the Scouts . " One for me . One for you . One for me . One for you . . . " The boy then blurted out , " The devil and the Lord are dividing the souls ! " The father was skeptical but silent - - until a few moments later as the Scouts completed dividing out the nuts and one Scout said to the other , " Now , as soon as we get those two nuts down by the road , we 'll have them all . " Postby cooran » Sun Feb 06 , 2011 8 : 58 am " But doctor , " lamented the young husband in counselling , " whenever Sue and I quarrel , she becomes historical . " " You mean , hysterical , " said the doctor . " No , historical . She is always digging up my past . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - After many sessions the psychiatrist says to his patient : Congratulations , Sir , you are cured . The patient says : Some cure . Before I was Alexander the Great . Now I 'm nobody . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Patient : Doctor I have a sore throat , I ache , and have a fever . Doctor : Sounds like some kind of virus . Patient : Everyone in the office has it . Doctor : Well then , maybe it 's a staff infection . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - A dentist , after completing work on a patient , came to him and asked ; " could you help me ? Could you give out a few of your loudest , most painful screams ? " The surprised patient said ; " why doctor , it wasn 't all that bad this time ! " The dentist said ; " there are so many people in the waiting room right now , and I don 't want to miss the four o ' clock train . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Postby cooran » Mon Feb 07 , 2011 9 : 18 am A mum was concerned about her kindergarten son walking to school . He didn 't want his mother to walk with him . She wanted to give him the feeling that he had some independence but yet know that he was safe . So she had an idea of how to handle it . She asked a neighbor if she would please follow him to school in the mornings , staying at a distance , so he probably wouldn 't notice her . The neighbor said that since she was up early with her toddler anyway , it would be a good way for them to get some exercise as well , so she agreed . The next school day , the neighbor and her little girl set out following behind Timmy as he walked to school with another neighbor girl he knew . She did this for the whole week . As the two walked and chatted , kicking stones and twigs , Timmy 's little friend noticed the same lady was following them as she seemed to do every day all week . Finally she said to Timmy , ' Have you noticed that lady following us to school all week ? Do you know her ? ' Timmy nonchalantly replied , ' Yeah , I know who she is . ' The little girl said , ' Well , who is she ? ' ' That 's just Shirley Goodnest , ' Timmy replied , ' and her daughter Marcy . ' ' Shirley Goodnest ? Who the heck is she and why is she following us ? ' Well , ' Timmy explained , ' every night my Mum makes me say the 23rd Psalm with my prayers , ' cuz she worries about me so much . And in the Psalm , it says , ' Shirley Goodnest and Marcy shall follow me all the days of my life ' , so I guess I 'll just have to get used to it ! ' Postby andre9999 » Mon Feb 07 , 2011 3 : 27 pm That was terrible . It reminds me of the joke : Q : " How many angels can you fit into a honda ? " A : " All of them . They all sing in one Accord . " Postby cooran » Tue Feb 08 , 2011 5 : 14 am How to give a cat a pill . 1 . Pick up the cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby . Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat 's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand . As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth . Allow cat to close mouth and swallow . 2 . Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa . Cradle cat in left Arm and repeat process . 3 . Take new pill from foil wrap , cradle cat in left arm , holding rear paws tightly with left hand . Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger . Hold mouth shut for a count of ten . 4 . Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees , hold front and rear paws , ignore growls emitted by cat . Get spouse to hold cat 's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth . Drop pill down ruler and rub cat 's throat vigorously . 5 . Retrieve cat from curtain rail , get another pill from foil wrap . Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains . Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later . 6 . Wrap cat in a large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with cat 's head just visible from below armpit . Put pill in end of a drinking straw , force cat 's mouth open with pencil and blow down straw . 7 . Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans , drink a beer to take away the taste . Apply Band - Aid to spouse 's forearm and remove blood from the carpet with soap and water . 8 . Tie the little angel 's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of the dining table . Find heavy pruning gloves from shed . Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak . Be rough about it . Hold head vertical and pour 2 pints of water down cat 's throat to wash down pill . 9 . Consume remainder of scotch . Get spouse to drive you to the Accident and Emergency clinic , sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill from your eye . Call furniture shop on way home t - - - The trouble is that you think you have time - - - - - - Worry is the Interest , paid in advance , on a debt you may never owe - - - - - - It 's not what happens to you in life that is important ~ it 's what you do with it - - - Postby Kim OHara » Tue Feb 08 , 2011 5 : 51 am This one turned up in my inbox yesterday and it 's an obvious soulmate to the joke above . . . How to wash a toilet 1 . Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1 / 8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl . 2 . Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom . 3 . In one smooth movement , put the cat in the toilet and close the lid . You may need to stand on the lid . . . 4 . The cat will self agitate and make ample suds . Never mind the noises that come from the toilet , the cat is actually enjoying this . 5 . Flush the toilet three or four times . This provides a ' power - wash ' and rinse ' . 6 . Have someone open the front door of your home . Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door . 7 . Stand behind the toilet as far as you can , and quickly lift the lid . 8 . The cat will rocket out of the toilet , streak through the bathroom , and run outside where he will dry himself off . 9 . Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean . Yours Sincerely , The Dog Top Postby Kaktus » Tue Feb 08 , 2011 8 : 05 am These quotes are from one of my favorite blogs : These are things people actually said in court , word for word , taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place . = = = = Q : Are you sexually active ? A : No , I just lie there . = = = = Q : What is your date of birth ? A : July fifteenth . Q : What year ? A : Every year . = = = = Q : What gear were you in at the moment of the impact ? A : Gucci sweats and Reeboks . = = = = Q : This myasthenia gravis , does it affect your memory at all ? A : Yes . Q : And in what ways does it affect your memory ? A : I forget . Q : You forget . Can you give us an example of something that you 've forgotten ? = = = = Q : What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning ? A : He said , " Where am I , Cathy ? " Q : And why did that upset you ? A : My name is Susan . = = = = Q : Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult ? A : We both do . Q : Voodoo ? A : We do . Q : You do ? A : Yes , voodoo . = = = = Q : Now doctor , isn 't it true that when a person dies in his sleep , he doesn 't know about it until the next morning ? = = = = Q : The youngest son , the twenty - year old , how old is he ? = = = = Q : Were you present when your picture was taken ? = = = = Q : So the date of conception ( of the baby ) was August 8th ? A : Yes . Q : And what were you doing at that time ? = = = = Q : She had three children , right ? A : Yes . Q : How many were boys ? A : None . Q : Were there any girls ? = = = = Q : How was your first marriage terminated ? A : By death . Q : And by whose death was it terminated ? = = = = Q : Can you describe the individual ? A : He was about medium height and had a beard . Q : Was this a male , or a female ? = = = = Q : Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney ? A : No , this is how I dress when I go to work . = = = = Q : Doctor , how many autopsies have you performed on dead people ? A : All my autopsies are performed on dead people . = = = = Q : All your responses must be oral , OK ? What school did you go to ? A : Oral . = = = = Q : Do you recaEnglish isn 't my native language . So please accept my apologies for my kind of spelling and grammar Top Postby cooran » Fri Feb 11 , 2011 9 : 06 am A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something . The driver screamed , lost control of the cab , nearly hit a bus , drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window . For a few moments everything was silent in the cab , then the driver said , " Please , don 't ever do that again . You scared the daylights out of me . " The passenger , who was also frightened , apologized and said he didn 't realize that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much , to which the driver replied , " I 'm sorry , it 's really not your fault at all . Today is my first day driving a cab , I have been driving a hearse for the last 25 years . Postby cooran » Sat Feb 12 , 2011 9 : 03 pm A rather old fashioned lady , always quite delicate and elegant , especially in her language , was planning a weeks holiday in Sydney with her husband , so she wrote to a particular camping ground and asked for a reservation . She wanted to make sure that the camping ground was fully equipped , but didn 't know quite how to ask about the toilet facilities . She just couldn 't bring herselfto write the word " toilet " in her letter . After much thought , she finally came up with the old fashioned term " Bathroom closet " but when she wrote it down , she still thought she was being too forward , so she started all over again , rewrote the letter , and referred to the bathroom closet as the B . C . " Does the camping ground have it 's own B . C . " is what she wrote . Well , the camping ground owner wasn 't a bit old fashioned , and he just couldn 't figure out what the old lady was talking about , so he showed the letter around a few of the campers and the only thing they could come up with was that B . C . stood for Baptist Church , so he wrote the following reply . Dear Madam , I regret very much the delay in answering your letter , but I now take the pleasure of informing you that a B . C . is located nine miles north of our camping ground , and is capable of seating 250 people at one time . I admit that it is quite a distance away if you are in the habit of going regularly but no doubt you will be pleased to know that a great number of campers go there and many take their lunches along and make a day of it . They usually arrive nice and early and stay quite late . The last time my wife and I went was six years ago , and it was so crowded we had to stand up the whole time we were there . It may interest you to know that there is a special supper planned there to raise money to buy more seats so that everyone will be able to sit in comfort . I would like to say that it pains me very much not to be able to go more regularly , but it is surely no lack of desire on my part , just that I am so busy most of the time . As we grow older , it - - - The trouble is that you think you have time - - - - - - Worry is the Interest , paid in advance , on a debt you may never owe - - - - - - It 's not what happens to you in life that is important ~ it 's what you do with it - - -
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Postby Kim OHara » Sun Jan 30 , 2011 10 : 37 am I thought I might be busy this evening dealing with a cyclone ( = hurricane in US - speak ) but it changed course so I 'm , a bit idle and a bit relieved . . . EVER WONDER # 2Q Why the sun lightens our hair , but darkens our skin ? A It doesn 't . Go to Indonesia , Madagascar , Angola , Mexico - just about anywhere there 's lots of sun - and you will see we all have black hair … oh , you 're white . You guys are seriously weird . Q Why women can 't put on mascara with their mouth closed ? A I 'm a bloke . I wouldn 't dare speculate . Q Why don 't you ever see the headline " Psychic Wins Lottery " ? A Because good psychics have the foresight to know that people would pester them forever after and bad psychics don 't win . Q Why is " abbreviated " such a long word ? A To make up for the shortness of " long . " Q Why is it that doctors call what they do " practice " ? A Everyone knows that practice makes perfect and doctors want perfect health for their patients . Q Why is it that to stop Windows 98 , you have to click on " Start " ? A Duh ! It 's Windows , dummy . * Q Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor , and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons ? A Lemon juice is made of sunlight and pure rainwater and good rich earth . What " lemon juice " is made of is something quite different and best not examined too closely . Q Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker ? A Because he ends up broker than his clients ? DO NOT LAUGH ! ! ! Q Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour ? A It 's the time everyone rushes for their cars , of course . Q Why isn 't there mouse - flavored cat food ? A There is . I know . Q When dog food is new and improved tasting , who tests it ? A See previous answer . Q Why didn 't Noah swat those two mosquitoes ? A He was wise enough to know that God , who is perfect in every way , could not possibly have made mosquitos without good reason and humble enough to accept that , although he had little understanding of the glorious complexity of the Web of Life , he should not interferTop Postby cooran » Mon Jan 31 , 2011 7 : 54 am heheheh1 . A day without sunshine is like night . 2 . On the other hand , you have different fingers . 3 . 42 . 7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot . 4 . Remember , half the people you know are below average . 5 . He who laughs last ; thinks slowest . 6 . The early bird may get the worm , but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap . 7 . Support bacteria . They 're the only culture most people have . 8 . A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory . 9 . Change is inevitable , except from vending machines . 10 . If you think nobody cares , try missing a couple of payments . 11 . How many of you believe in psycho - kinesis ? Raise my hand . 12 . OK , so what 's the speed of dark ? 13 . When everything is coming your way , you 're in the wrong lane . 14 . How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges ? 15 . Eagles may soar , but weasels don 't get sucked into jet engines . 16 . What happens if you get scared half to death , twice ? 17 . Why do psychics have to ask you your name ? 18 . Inside every older person is a younger person wondering , ' What the heck happened ? ' 19 . Just remember - - if the world didn 't suck , we would all fall off . 20 . Light travels faster than sound . That 's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak . 21 . Life isn 't like a box of chocolates . It 's more like a jar of jalapenos . What you do today , might burn your butt tomorrow . Postby tiltbillings » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 7 : 53 am This being is bound to samsara , kamma is his means for going beyond . - - SN I , 38 . " Of course it is happening inside your head , Harry , but why on earth should that mean that it is not real ? " HPatDH p . 723 >> Do you see a man wise [ enlightened / ariya ] in his own eyes ? There is more hope for a fool than for him . << - - Proverbs 26 : 12 Postby JimKai » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 4 : 33 pm Kare wrote : cooran wrote : Maybe this style , Kare ? Do not argue with an idiot . He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience . I want to die peacefully in my sleep , like my grandfather . . Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car . I asked God for a bike , but I know God doesn 't work that way . So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness . Not quite . The Norwegian ones in this category all are questions , and they all start with " Why cannot I . . . when . . . " . They are all very language specific , so they just don 't translate well . Some of them are real absurd . The one about Knox was rather lame , but it was the only one I could invent in English . Oh yes - another one just popped up : " Why can 't I quit , when biscuits ? " There is one absurd joke in finnish . Translated to english , it would be something like : " Want went to a store . A shovel . " It is known as the worst joke in the whole language , but it used to crack us up as kids ! Postby meindzai » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 5 : 15 pm Geeky physics joke I am giggling about today . I sent it to my 13 year old ( and very bright ) nephew who is home sick , and told him his homework is to explain it . The tachyon leaves . The bartender says " We don 't serve your kind here ! " A tachyon walks into a bar . - M Postby Kare » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 5 : 38 pm meindzai wrote : Geeky physics joke I am giggling about today . I sent it to my 13 year old ( and very bright ) nephew who is home sick , and told him his homework is to explain it . The tachyon leaves . The bartender says " We don 't serve your kind here ! " A tachyon walks into a bar . - MLooks like a lot of tachyons are writing e - mails these days . . . . Mettāya , Kåre Postby cooran » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 8 : 08 pm Hehheh - A Swiss man , looking for directions , pulls up at a bus stop where two Americans are waiting . " Entschuldigung , koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen ? " he asks . The two Americans just stare at him . " Excusez - moi , parlez vous Fracais ? " he tries . The two continue to stare . " Parlare Italiano ? " No response . " Hablan ustedes Espanol ? " Still nothing . The Swiss guy drives off , extremely disgusted . The first American turns to the second and says , " Y ' know , maybe we should learn a foreign language . " " Why ? " says the other . " That guy knew four languages , and it didn 't do him any good . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - A man mentioned to his landlord about the tenants in the apartment over his . " Many a night they stamp on the floor and shout till midnight . " When the landlord asked if it bothered him , he replied , " Not really , for I usually stay up and practice my trumpet till about that time most every night anyway . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Bill , Jim , and Scott were at a convention together and were sharing a large suite on the top of a 75 - story skyscraper . After a long day of meetings they were shocked to hear that the elevators in their hotel were broken and they would have to climb 75 flights of stairs to get to their room . Bill said to Jim and Scott , let 's break the monotony of this unpleasant task by concentrating on something interesting . I 'll tell jokes for 25 flights , and Jim can sing songs for 25 flights , and Scott can tell sad stories the rest of the way . At the 26th floor Bill stopped telling jokes and Jim began to sing . At the 51st floor Jim stopped singing and Scott began to tell sad stories . " I will tell my saddest story first , " he said . " I left the room key in the car ! " Postby Kare » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 9 : 28 pm cooran wrote : Hehheh - A Swiss man , looking for directions , pulls up at a bus stop where two Americans are waiting . " Entschuldigung , koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen ? " he asks . The two Americans just stare at him . " Excusez - moi , parlez vous Fracais ? " he tries . The two continue to stare . " Parlare Italiano ? " No response . " Hablan ustedes Espanol ? " Still nothing . The Swiss guy drives off , extremely disgusted . The first American turns to the second and says , " Y ' know , maybe we should learn a foreign language . " " Why ? " says the other . " That guy knew four languages , and it didn 't do him any good . " I feel that way myself at times . . . Mettāya , Kåre Postby cooran » Fri Feb 04 , 2011 7 : 57 am The judge frowned at the tired robber and said , " then you admit breaking into the same store on three successive nights ? " " Yes , your honor . " " And why was that ? " " Because my wife wanted a dress . " The judge check with his records , " But it says here you broke in three nights in a row ! " " Yes sir . She made me exchange it two times . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations . At closing time , he saw a fellow tumble out of the bar , trip on the curb , and try his keys in five different cars before he found his . Then he sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes . Everyone else left the bar and drove off . Finally he started his engine and began to pull away . The police officer was waiting for him . He stopped the driver , read him his rights and administered the Breathalyser test . The results showed a reading of 0 . 0 . The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be . The driver replied , " Tonight I 'm the designated decoy . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the other end . After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks , tentatively , " Um , would you mind if I chatted with you for a while ? " To which she responds by yelling , at the top of her lungs , " No , I won 't sleep with you tonight ! " By now , the entire bar is staring at them . Naturally , the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table . After a few minutes , the woman walks over to him and apologizes . She smiles at him and says , " I 'm sorry if I embarrassed you . You see , I 'm a graduate student in psychology and I 'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations . " To which he responds , at the top of his lungs , " What do you mean $ 200 ! " Postby cooran » Sat Feb 05 , 2011 9 : 15 am Two boy scouts went on a nature hike in the hills picking hickory nuts . Along the way , they filled their small pails and then started to fill their pockets and shirts . When they could hold no more nuts , they started down the country road until they came across a cemetery . The boys decided that would be a good place to stop and rest and divide out the nuts . The two boys sat in the shade of a large oak tree and unloaded their pockets and buckets by dumping all of the nuts in a large pile . In the process , two of them rolled away and rested near the road . The boys then proceeded to divide out the nuts . " One for you . One for me . One for you . One for me . " As they were doing this , another boy was passing by and happened to hear them . He looked into the cemetery , but could not see the boys , because they were obscured by the tree . He hesitated a moment and then ran back to town . " Father ! Father ! " he yelled as he entered his house . " The cemetery . Come quick ! " " What 's the matter ? " his father asked . " No time to explain , " the boy frantically panted . " Follow me ! " The boy and his father ran up the country road and stopped when they reached the cemetery . They stopped at the side of the road and all fell silent for a few moments . Then the father asked his son what was wrong . " Do you hear that ? " he whispered . Both people listened intently and heard the Scouts . " One for me . One for you . One for me . One for you . . . " The boy then blurted out , " The devil and the Lord are dividing the souls ! " The father was skeptical but silent - - until a few moments later as the Scouts completed dividing out the nuts and one Scout said to the other , " Now , as soon as we get those two nuts down by the road , we 'll have them all . " Postby cooran » Sun Feb 06 , 2011 8 : 58 am " But doctor , " lamented the young husband in counselling , " whenever Sue and I quarrel , she becomes historical . " " You mean , hysterical , " said the doctor . " No , historical . She is always digging up my past . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - After many sessions the psychiatrist says to his patient : Congratulations , Sir , you are cured . The patient says : Some cure . Before I was Alexander the Great . Now I 'm nobody . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Patient : Doctor I have a sore throat , I ache , and have a fever . Doctor : Sounds like some kind of virus . Patient : Everyone in the office has it . Doctor : Well then , maybe it 's a staff infection . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - A dentist , after completing work on a patient , came to him and asked ; " could you help me ? Could you give out a few of your loudest , most painful screams ? " The surprised patient said ; " why doctor , it wasn 't all that bad this time ! " The dentist said ; " there are so many people in the waiting room right now , and I don 't want to miss the four o ' clock train . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Postby cooran » Mon Feb 07 , 2011 9 : 18 am A mum was concerned about her kindergarten son walking to school . He didn 't want his mother to walk with him . She wanted to give him the feeling that he had some independence but yet know that he was safe . So she had an idea of how to handle it . She asked a neighbor if she would please follow him to school in the mornings , staying at a distance , so he probably wouldn 't notice her . The neighbor said that since she was up early with her toddler anyway , it would be a good way for them to get some exercise as well , so she agreed . The next school day , the neighbor and her little girl set out following behind Timmy as he walked to school with another neighbor girl he knew . She did this for the whole week . As the two walked and chatted , kicking stones and twigs , Timmy 's little friend noticed the same lady was following them as she seemed to do every day all week . Finally she said to Timmy , ' Have you noticed that lady following us to school all week ? Do you know her ? ' Timmy nonchalantly replied , ' Yeah , I know who she is . ' The little girl said , ' Well , who is she ? ' ' That 's just Shirley Goodnest , ' Timmy replied , ' and her daughter Marcy . ' ' Shirley Goodnest ? Who the heck is she and why is she following us ? ' Well , ' Timmy explained , ' every night my Mum makes me say the 23rd Psalm with my prayers , ' cuz she worries about me so much . And in the Psalm , it says , ' Shirley Goodnest and Marcy shall follow me all the days of my life ' , so I guess I 'll just have to get used to it ! ' Postby andre9999 » Mon Feb 07 , 2011 3 : 27 pm That was terrible . It reminds me of the joke : Q : " How many angels can you fit into a honda ? " A : " All of them . They all sing in one Accord . " Postby cooran » Tue Feb 08 , 2011 5 : 14 am How to give a cat a pill . 1 . Pick up the cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby . Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat 's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand . As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth . Allow cat to close mouth and swallow . 2 . Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa . Cradle cat in left Arm and repeat process . 3 . Take new pill from foil wrap , cradle cat in left arm , holding rear paws tightly with left hand . Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger . Hold mouth shut for a count of ten . 4 . Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees , hold front and rear paws , ignore growls emitted by cat . Get spouse to hold cat 's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth . Drop pill down ruler and rub cat 's throat vigorously . 5 . Retrieve cat from curtain rail , get another pill from foil wrap . Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains . Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later . 6 . Wrap cat in a large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with cat 's head just visible from below armpit . Put pill in end of a drinking straw , force cat 's mouth open with pencil and blow down straw . 7 . Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans , drink a beer to take away the taste . Apply Band - Aid to spouse 's forearm and remove blood from the carpet with soap and water . 8 . Tie the little angel 's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of the dining table . Find heavy pruning gloves from shed . Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak . Be rough about it . Hold head vertical and pour 2 pints of water down cat 's throat to wash down pill . 9 . Consume remainder of scotch . Get spouse to drive you to the Accident and Emergency clinic , sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill from your eye . Call furniture shop on way home t - - - The trouble is that you think you have time - - - - - - Worry is the Interest , paid in advance , on a debt you may never owe - - - - - - It 's not what happens to you in life that is important ~ it 's what you do with it - - - Postby Kim OHara » Tue Feb 08 , 2011 5 : 51 am This one turned up in my inbox yesterday and it 's an obvious soulmate to the joke above . . . How to wash a toilet 1 . Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1 / 8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl . 2 . Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom . 3 . In one smooth movement , put the cat in the toilet and close the lid . You may need to stand on the lid . . . 4 . The cat will self agitate and make ample suds . Never mind the noises that come from the toilet , the cat is actually enjoying this . 5 . Flush the toilet three or four times . This provides a ' power - wash ' and rinse ' . 6 . Have someone open the front door of your home . Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door . 7 . Stand behind the toilet as far as you can , and quickly lift the lid . 8 . The cat will rocket out of the toilet , streak through the bathroom , and run outside where he will dry himself off . 9 . Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean . Yours Sincerely , The Dog Top Postby Kaktus » Tue Feb 08 , 2011 8 : 05 am These quotes are from one of my favorite blogs : These are things people actually said in court , word for word , taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place . = = = = Q : Are you sexually active ? A : No , I just lie there . = = = = Q : What is your date of birth ? A : July fifteenth . Q : What year ? A : Every year . = = = = Q : What gear were you in at the moment of the impact ? A : Gucci sweats and Reeboks . = = = = Q : This myasthenia gravis , does it affect your memory at all ? A : Yes . Q : And in what ways does it affect your memory ? A : I forget . Q : You forget . Can you give us an example of something that you 've forgotten ? = = = = Q : What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning ? A : He said , " Where am I , Cathy ? " Q : And why did that upset you ? A : My name is Susan . = = = = Q : Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult ? A : We both do . Q : Voodoo ? A : We do . Q : You do ? A : Yes , voodoo . = = = = Q : Now doctor , isn 't it true that when a person dies in his sleep , he doesn 't know about it until the next morning ? = = = = Q : The youngest son , the twenty - year old , how old is he ? = = = = Q : Were you present when your picture was taken ? = = = = Q : So the date of conception ( of the baby ) was August 8th ? A : Yes . Q : And what were you doing at that time ? = = = = Q : She had three children , right ? A : Yes . Q : How many were boys ? A : None . Q : Were there any girls ? = = = = Q : How was your first marriage terminated ? A : By death . Q : And by whose death was it terminated ? = = = = Q : Can you describe the individual ? A : He was about medium height and had a beard . Q : Was this a male , or a female ? = = = = Q : Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney ? A : No , this is how I dress when I go to work . = = = = Q : Doctor , how many autopsies have you performed on dead people ? A : All my autopsies are performed on dead people . = = = = Q : All your responses must be oral , OK ? What school did you go to ? A : Oral . = = = = Q : Do you recaEnglish isn 't my native language . So please accept my apologies for my kind of spelling and grammar Top Postby cooran » Fri Feb 11 , 2011 9 : 06 am A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something . The driver screamed , lost control of the cab , nearly hit a bus , drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window . For a few moments everything was silent in the cab , then the driver said , " Please , don 't ever do that again . You scared the daylights out of me . " The passenger , who was also frightened , apologized and said he didn 't realize that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much , to which the driver replied , " I 'm sorry , it 's really not your fault at all . Today is my first day driving a cab , I have been driving a hearse for the last 25 years . Postby cooran » Sat Feb 12 , 2011 9 : 03 pm A rather old fashioned lady , always quite delicate and elegant , especially in her language , was planning a weeks holiday in Sydney with her husband , so she wrote to a particular camping ground and asked for a reservation . She wanted to make sure that the camping ground was fully equipped , but didn 't know quite how to ask about the toilet facilities . She just couldn 't bring herselfto write the word " toilet " in her letter . After much thought , she finally came up with the old fashioned term " Bathroom closet " but when she wrote it down , she still thought she was being too forward , so she started all over again , rewrote the letter , and referred to the bathroom closet as the B . C . " Does the camping ground have it 's own B . C . " is what she wrote . Well , the camping ground owner wasn 't a bit old fashioned , and he just couldn 't figure out what the old lady was talking about , so he showed the letter around a few of the campers and the only thing they could come up with was that B . C . stood for Baptist Church , so he wrote the following reply . Dear Madam , I regret very much the delay in answering your letter , but I now take the pleasure of informing you that a B . C . is located nine miles north of our camping ground , and is capable of seating 250 people at one time . I admit that it is quite a distance away if you are in the habit of going regularly but no doubt you will be pleased to know that a great number of campers go there and many take their lunches along and make a day of it . They usually arrive nice and early and stay quite late . The last time my wife and I went was six years ago , and it was so crowded we had to stand up the whole time we were there . It may interest you to know that there is a special supper planned there to raise money to buy more seats so that everyone will be able to sit in comfort . I would like to say that it pains me very much not to be able to go more regularly , but it is surely no lack of desire on my part , just that I am so busy most of the time . As we grow older , it - - - The trouble is that you think you have time - - - - - - Worry is the Interest , paid in advance , on a debt you may never owe - - - - - - It 's not what happens to you in life that is important ~ it 's what you do with it - - -
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Postby Kim OHara » Sun Jan 30 , 2011 10 : 37 am I thought I might be busy this evening dealing with a cyclone ( = hurricane in US - speak ) but it changed course so I 'm , a bit idle and a bit relieved . . . EVER WONDER # 2Q Why the sun lightens our hair , but darkens our skin ? A It doesn 't . Go to Indonesia , Madagascar , Angola , Mexico - just about anywhere there 's lots of sun - and you will see we all have black hair … oh , you 're white . You guys are seriously weird . Q Why women can 't put on mascara with their mouth closed ? A I 'm a bloke . I wouldn 't dare speculate . Q Why don 't you ever see the headline " Psychic Wins Lottery " ? A Because good psychics have the foresight to know that people would pester them forever after and bad psychics don 't win . Q Why is " abbreviated " such a long word ? A To make up for the shortness of " long . " Q Why is it that doctors call what they do " practice " ? A Everyone knows that practice makes perfect and doctors want perfect health for their patients . Q Why is it that to stop Windows 98 , you have to click on " Start " ? A Duh ! It 's Windows , dummy . * Q Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor , and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons ? A Lemon juice is made of sunlight and pure rainwater and good rich earth . What " lemon juice " is made of is something quite different and best not examined too closely . Q Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker ? A Because he ends up broker than his clients ? DO NOT LAUGH ! ! ! Q Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour ? A It 's the time everyone rushes for their cars , of course . Q Why isn 't there mouse - flavored cat food ? A There is . I know . Q When dog food is new and improved tasting , who tests it ? A See previous answer . Q Why didn 't Noah swat those two mosquitoes ? A He was wise enough to know that God , who is perfect in every way , could not possibly have made mosquitos without good reason and humble enough to accept that , although he had little understanding of the glorious complexity of the Web of Life , he should not interferTop Postby cooran » Mon Jan 31 , 2011 7 : 54 am heheheh1 . A day without sunshine is like night . 2 . On the other hand , you have different fingers . 3 . 42 . 7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot . 4 . Remember , half the people you know are below average . 5 . He who laughs last ; thinks slowest . 6 . The early bird may get the worm , but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap . 7 . Support bacteria . They 're the only culture most people have . 8 . A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory . 9 . Change is inevitable , except from vending machines . 10 . If you think nobody cares , try missing a couple of payments . 11 . How many of you believe in psycho - kinesis ? Raise my hand . 12 . OK , so what 's the speed of dark ? 13 . When everything is coming your way , you 're in the wrong lane . 14 . How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges ? 15 . Eagles may soar , but weasels don 't get sucked into jet engines . 16 . What happens if you get scared half to death , twice ? 17 . Why do psychics have to ask you your name ? 18 . Inside every older person is a younger person wondering , ' What the heck happened ? ' 19 . Just remember - - if the world didn 't suck , we would all fall off . 20 . Light travels faster than sound . That 's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak . 21 . Life isn 't like a box of chocolates . It 's more like a jar of jalapenos . What you do today , might burn your butt tomorrow . Postby tiltbillings » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 7 : 53 am This being is bound to samsara , kamma is his means for going beyond . - - SN I , 38 . " Of course it is happening inside your head , Harry , but why on earth should that mean that it is not real ? " HPatDH p . 723 >> Do you see a man wise [ enlightened / ariya ] in his own eyes ? There is more hope for a fool than for him . << - - Proverbs 26 : 12 Postby JimKai » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 4 : 33 pm Kare wrote : cooran wrote : Maybe this style , Kare ? Do not argue with an idiot . He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience . I want to die peacefully in my sleep , like my grandfather . . Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car . I asked God for a bike , but I know God doesn 't work that way . So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness . Not quite . The Norwegian ones in this category all are questions , and they all start with " Why cannot I . . . when . . . " . They are all very language specific , so they just don 't translate well . Some of them are real absurd . The one about Knox was rather lame , but it was the only one I could invent in English . Oh yes - another one just popped up : " Why can 't I quit , when biscuits ? " There is one absurd joke in finnish . Translated to english , it would be something like : " Want went to a store . A shovel . " It is known as the worst joke in the whole language , but it used to crack us up as kids ! Postby meindzai » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 5 : 15 pm Geeky physics joke I am giggling about today . I sent it to my 13 year old ( and very bright ) nephew who is home sick , and told him his homework is to explain it . The tachyon leaves . The bartender says " We don 't serve your kind here ! " A tachyon walks into a bar . - M Postby Kare » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 5 : 38 pm meindzai wrote : Geeky physics joke I am giggling about today . I sent it to my 13 year old ( and very bright ) nephew who is home sick , and told him his homework is to explain it . The tachyon leaves . The bartender says " We don 't serve your kind here ! " A tachyon walks into a bar . - MLooks like a lot of tachyons are writing e - mails these days . . . . Mettāya , Kåre Postby cooran » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 8 : 08 pm Hehheh - A Swiss man , looking for directions , pulls up at a bus stop where two Americans are waiting . " Entschuldigung , koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen ? " he asks . The two Americans just stare at him . " Excusez - moi , parlez vous Fracais ? " he tries . The two continue to stare . " Parlare Italiano ? " No response . " Hablan ustedes Espanol ? " Still nothing . The Swiss guy drives off , extremely disgusted . The first American turns to the second and says , " Y ' know , maybe we should learn a foreign language . " " Why ? " says the other . " That guy knew four languages , and it didn 't do him any good . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - A man mentioned to his landlord about the tenants in the apartment over his . " Many a night they stamp on the floor and shout till midnight . " When the landlord asked if it bothered him , he replied , " Not really , for I usually stay up and practice my trumpet till about that time most every night anyway . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Bill , Jim , and Scott were at a convention together and were sharing a large suite on the top of a 75 - story skyscraper . After a long day of meetings they were shocked to hear that the elevators in their hotel were broken and they would have to climb 75 flights of stairs to get to their room . Bill said to Jim and Scott , let 's break the monotony of this unpleasant task by concentrating on something interesting . I 'll tell jokes for 25 flights , and Jim can sing songs for 25 flights , and Scott can tell sad stories the rest of the way . At the 26th floor Bill stopped telling jokes and Jim began to sing . At the 51st floor Jim stopped singing and Scott began to tell sad stories . " I will tell my saddest story first , " he said . " I left the room key in the car ! " Postby Kare » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 9 : 28 pm cooran wrote : Hehheh - A Swiss man , looking for directions , pulls up at a bus stop where two Americans are waiting . " Entschuldigung , koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen ? " he asks . The two Americans just stare at him . " Excusez - moi , parlez vous Fracais ? " he tries . The two continue to stare . " Parlare Italiano ? " No response . " Hablan ustedes Espanol ? " Still nothing . The Swiss guy drives off , extremely disgusted . The first American turns to the second and says , " Y ' know , maybe we should learn a foreign language . " " Why ? " says the other . " That guy knew four languages , and it didn 't do him any good . " I feel that way myself at times . . . Mettāya , Kåre Postby cooran » Fri Feb 04 , 2011 7 : 57 am The judge frowned at the tired robber and said , " then you admit breaking into the same store on three successive nights ? " " Yes , your honor . " " And why was that ? " " Because my wife wanted a dress . " The judge check with his records , " But it says here you broke in three nights in a row ! " " Yes sir . She made me exchange it two times . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations . At closing time , he saw a fellow tumble out of the bar , trip on the curb , and try his keys in five different cars before he found his . Then he sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes . Everyone else left the bar and drove off . Finally he started his engine and began to pull away . The police officer was waiting for him . He stopped the driver , read him his rights and administered the Breathalyser test . The results showed a reading of 0 . 0 . The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be . The driver replied , " Tonight I 'm the designated decoy . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the other end . After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks , tentatively , " Um , would you mind if I chatted with you for a while ? " To which she responds by yelling , at the top of her lungs , " No , I won 't sleep with you tonight ! " By now , the entire bar is staring at them . Naturally , the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table . After a few minutes , the woman walks over to him and apologizes . She smiles at him and says , " I 'm sorry if I embarrassed you . You see , I 'm a graduate student in psychology and I 'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations . " To which he responds , at the top of his lungs , " What do you mean $ 200 ! " Postby cooran » Sat Feb 05 , 2011 9 : 15 am Two boy scouts went on a nature hike in the hills picking hickory nuts . Along the way , they filled their small pails and then started to fill their pockets and shirts . When they could hold no more nuts , they started down the country road until they came across a cemetery . The boys decided that would be a good place to stop and rest and divide out the nuts . The two boys sat in the shade of a large oak tree and unloaded their pockets and buckets by dumping all of the nuts in a large pile . In the process , two of them rolled away and rested near the road . The boys then proceeded to divide out the nuts . " One for you . One for me . One for you . One for me . " As they were doing this , another boy was passing by and happened to hear them . He looked into the cemetery , but could not see the boys , because they were obscured by the tree . He hesitated a moment and then ran back to town . " Father ! Father ! " he yelled as he entered his house . " The cemetery . Come quick ! " " What 's the matter ? " his father asked . " No time to explain , " the boy frantically panted . " Follow me ! " The boy and his father ran up the country road and stopped when they reached the cemetery . They stopped at the side of the road and all fell silent for a few moments . Then the father asked his son what was wrong . " Do you hear that ? " he whispered . Both people listened intently and heard the Scouts . " One for me . One for you . One for me . One for you . . . " The boy then blurted out , " The devil and the Lord are dividing the souls ! " The father was skeptical but silent - - until a few moments later as the Scouts completed dividing out the nuts and one Scout said to the other , " Now , as soon as we get those two nuts down by the road , we 'll have them all . " Postby cooran » Sun Feb 06 , 2011 8 : 58 am " But doctor , " lamented the young husband in counselling , " whenever Sue and I quarrel , she becomes historical . " " You mean , hysterical , " said the doctor . " No , historical . She is always digging up my past . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - After many sessions the psychiatrist says to his patient : Congratulations , Sir , you are cured . The patient says : Some cure . Before I was Alexander the Great . Now I 'm nobody . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Patient : Doctor I have a sore throat , I ache , and have a fever . Doctor : Sounds like some kind of virus . Patient : Everyone in the office has it . Doctor : Well then , maybe it 's a staff infection . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - A dentist , after completing work on a patient , came to him and asked ; " could you help me ? Could you give out a few of your loudest , most painful screams ? " The surprised patient said ; " why doctor , it wasn 't all that bad this time ! " The dentist said ; " there are so many people in the waiting room right now , and I don 't want to miss the four o ' clock train . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Postby cooran » Mon Feb 07 , 2011 9 : 18 am A mum was concerned about her kindergarten son walking to school . He didn 't want his mother to walk with him . She wanted to give him the feeling that he had some independence but yet know that he was safe . So she had an idea of how to handle it . She asked a neighbor if she would please follow him to school in the mornings , staying at a distance , so he probably wouldn 't notice her . The neighbor said that since she was up early with her toddler anyway , it would be a good way for them to get some exercise as well , so she agreed . The next school day , the neighbor and her little girl set out following behind Timmy as he walked to school with another neighbor girl he knew . She did this for the whole week . As the two walked and chatted , kicking stones and twigs , Timmy 's little friend noticed the same lady was following them as she seemed to do every day all week . Finally she said to Timmy , ' Have you noticed that lady following us to school all week ? Do you know her ? ' Timmy nonchalantly replied , ' Yeah , I know who she is . ' The little girl said , ' Well , who is she ? ' ' That 's just Shirley Goodnest , ' Timmy replied , ' and her daughter Marcy . ' ' Shirley Goodnest ? Who the heck is she and why is she following us ? ' Well , ' Timmy explained , ' every night my Mum makes me say the 23rd Psalm with my prayers , ' cuz she worries about me so much . And in the Psalm , it says , ' Shirley Goodnest and Marcy shall follow me all the days of my life ' , so I guess I 'll just have to get used to it ! ' Postby andre9999 » Mon Feb 07 , 2011 3 : 27 pm That was terrible . It reminds me of the joke : Q : " How many angels can you fit into a honda ? " A : " All of them . They all sing in one Accord . " Postby cooran » Tue Feb 08 , 2011 5 : 14 am How to give a cat a pill . 1 . Pick up the cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby . Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat 's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand . As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth . Allow cat to close mouth and swallow . 2 . Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa . Cradle cat in left Arm and repeat process . 3 . Take new pill from foil wrap , cradle cat in left arm , holding rear paws tightly with left hand . Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger . Hold mouth shut for a count of ten . 4 . Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees , hold front and rear paws , ignore growls emitted by cat . Get spouse to hold cat 's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth . Drop pill down ruler and rub cat 's throat vigorously . 5 . Retrieve cat from curtain rail , get another pill from foil wrap . Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains . Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later . 6 . Wrap cat in a large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with cat 's head just visible from below armpit . Put pill in end of a drinking straw , force cat 's mouth open with pencil and blow down straw . 7 . Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans , drink a beer to take away the taste . Apply Band - Aid to spouse 's forearm and remove blood from the carpet with soap and water . 8 . Tie the little angel 's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of the dining table . Find heavy pruning gloves from shed . Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak . Be rough about it . Hold head vertical and pour 2 pints of water down cat 's throat to wash down pill . 9 . Consume remainder of scotch . Get spouse to drive you to the Accident and Emergency clinic , sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill from your eye . Call furniture shop on way home t - - - The trouble is that you think you have time - - - - - - Worry is the Interest , paid in advance , on a debt you may never owe - - - - - - It 's not what happens to you in life that is important ~ it 's what you do with it - - - Postby Kim OHara » Tue Feb 08 , 2011 5 : 51 am This one turned up in my inbox yesterday and it 's an obvious soulmate to the joke above . . . How to wash a toilet 1 . Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1 / 8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl . 2 . Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom . 3 . In one smooth movement , put the cat in the toilet and close the lid . You may need to stand on the lid . . . 4 . The cat will self agitate and make ample suds . Never mind the noises that come from the toilet , the cat is actually enjoying this . 5 . Flush the toilet three or four times . This provides a ' power - wash ' and rinse ' . 6 . Have someone open the front door of your home . Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door . 7 . Stand behind the toilet as far as you can , and quickly lift the lid . 8 . The cat will rocket out of the toilet , streak through the bathroom , and run outside where he will dry himself off . 9 . Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean . Yours Sincerely , The Dog Top Postby Kaktus » Tue Feb 08 , 2011 8 : 05 am These quotes are from one of my favorite blogs : These are things people actually said in court , word for word , taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place . = = = = Q : Are you sexually active ? A : No , I just lie there . = = = = Q : What is your date of birth ? A : July fifteenth . Q : What year ? A : Every year . = = = = Q : What gear were you in at the moment of the impact ? A : Gucci sweats and Reeboks . = = = = Q : This myasthenia gravis , does it affect your memory at all ? A : Yes . Q : And in what ways does it affect your memory ? A : I forget . Q : You forget . Can you give us an example of something that you 've forgotten ? = = = = Q : What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning ? A : He said , " Where am I , Cathy ? " Q : And why did that upset you ? A : My name is Susan . = = = = Q : Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult ? A : We both do . Q : Voodoo ? A : We do . Q : You do ? A : Yes , voodoo . = = = = Q : Now doctor , isn 't it true that when a person dies in his sleep , he doesn 't know about it until the next morning ? = = = = Q : The youngest son , the twenty - year old , how old is he ? = = = = Q : Were you present when your picture was taken ? = = = = Q : So the date of conception ( of the baby ) was August 8th ? A : Yes . Q : And what were you doing at that time ? = = = = Q : She had three children , right ? A : Yes . Q : How many were boys ? A : None . Q : Were there any girls ? = = = = Q : How was your first marriage terminated ? A : By death . Q : And by whose death was it terminated ? = = = = Q : Can you describe the individual ? A : He was about medium height and had a beard . Q : Was this a male , or a female ? = = = = Q : Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney ? A : No , this is how I dress when I go to work . = = = = Q : Doctor , how many autopsies have you performed on dead people ? A : All my autopsies are performed on dead people . = = = = Q : All your responses must be oral , OK ? What school did you go to ? A : Oral . = = = = Q : Do you recaEnglish isn 't my native language . So please accept my apologies for my kind of spelling and grammar Top Postby cooran » Fri Feb 11 , 2011 9 : 06 am A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something . The driver screamed , lost control of the cab , nearly hit a bus , drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window . For a few moments everything was silent in the cab , then the driver said , " Please , don 't ever do that again . You scared the daylights out of me . " The passenger , who was also frightened , apologized and said he didn 't realize that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much , to which the driver replied , " I 'm sorry , it 's really not your fault at all . Today is my first day driving a cab , I have been driving a hearse for the last 25 years . Postby cooran » Sat Feb 12 , 2011 9 : 03 pm A rather old fashioned lady , always quite delicate and elegant , especially in her language , was planning a weeks holiday in Sydney with her husband , so she wrote to a particular camping ground and asked for a reservation . She wanted to make sure that the camping ground was fully equipped , but didn 't know quite how to ask about the toilet facilities . She just couldn 't bring herselfto write the word " toilet " in her letter . After much thought , she finally came up with the old fashioned term " Bathroom closet " but when she wrote it down , she still thought she was being too forward , so she started all over again , rewrote the letter , and referred to the bathroom closet as the B . C . " Does the camping ground have it 's own B . C . " is what she wrote . Well , the camping ground owner wasn 't a bit old fashioned , and he just couldn 't figure out what the old lady was talking about , so he showed the letter around a few of the campers and the only thing they could come up with was that B . C . stood for Baptist Church , so he wrote the following reply . Dear Madam , I regret very much the delay in answering your letter , but I now take the pleasure of informing you that a B . C . is located nine miles north of our camping ground , and is capable of seating 250 people at one time . I admit that it is quite a distance away if you are in the habit of going regularly but no doubt you will be pleased to know that a great number of campers go there and many take their lunches along and make a day of it . They usually arrive nice and early and stay quite late . The last time my wife and I went was six years ago , and it was so crowded we had to stand up the whole time we were there . It may interest you to know that there is a special supper planned there to raise money to buy more seats so that everyone will be able to sit in comfort . I would like to say that it pains me very much not to be able to go more regularly , but it is surely no lack of desire on my part , just that I am so busy most of the time . As we grow older , it - - - The trouble is that you think you have time - - - - - - Worry is the Interest , paid in advance , on a debt you may never owe - - - - - - It 's not what happens to you in life that is important ~ it 's what you do with it - - -
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Postby Kim OHara » Sun Jan 30 , 2011 10 : 37 am I thought I might be busy this evening dealing with a cyclone ( = hurricane in US - speak ) but it changed course so I 'm , a bit idle and a bit relieved . . . EVER WONDER # 2Q Why the sun lightens our hair , but darkens our skin ? A It doesn 't . Go to Indonesia , Madagascar , Angola , Mexico - just about anywhere there 's lots of sun - and you will see we all have black hair … oh , you 're white . You guys are seriously weird . Q Why women can 't put on mascara with their mouth closed ? A I 'm a bloke . I wouldn 't dare speculate . Q Why don 't you ever see the headline " Psychic Wins Lottery " ? A Because good psychics have the foresight to know that people would pester them forever after and bad psychics don 't win . Q Why is " abbreviated " such a long word ? A To make up for the shortness of " long . " Q Why is it that doctors call what they do " practice " ? A Everyone knows that practice makes perfect and doctors want perfect health for their patients . Q Why is it that to stop Windows 98 , you have to click on " Start " ? A Duh ! It 's Windows , dummy . * Q Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor , and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons ? A Lemon juice is made of sunlight and pure rainwater and good rich earth . What " lemon juice " is made of is something quite different and best not examined too closely . Q Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker ? A Because he ends up broker than his clients ? DO NOT LAUGH ! ! ! Q Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour ? A It 's the time everyone rushes for their cars , of course . Q Why isn 't there mouse - flavored cat food ? A There is . I know . Q When dog food is new and improved tasting , who tests it ? A See previous answer . Q Why didn 't Noah swat those two mosquitoes ? A He was wise enough to know that God , who is perfect in every way , could not possibly have made mosquitos without good reason and humble enough to accept that , although he had little understanding of the glorious complexity of the Web of Life , he should not interferTop Postby cooran » Mon Jan 31 , 2011 7 : 54 am heheheh1 . A day without sunshine is like night . 2 . On the other hand , you have different fingers . 3 . 42 . 7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot . 4 . Remember , half the people you know are below average . 5 . He who laughs last ; thinks slowest . 6 . The early bird may get the worm , but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap . 7 . Support bacteria . They 're the only culture most people have . 8 . A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory . 9 . Change is inevitable , except from vending machines . 10 . If you think nobody cares , try missing a couple of payments . 11 . How many of you believe in psycho - kinesis ? Raise my hand . 12 . OK , so what 's the speed of dark ? 13 . When everything is coming your way , you 're in the wrong lane . 14 . How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges ? 15 . Eagles may soar , but weasels don 't get sucked into jet engines . 16 . What happens if you get scared half to death , twice ? 17 . Why do psychics have to ask you your name ? 18 . Inside every older person is a younger person wondering , ' What the heck happened ? ' 19 . Just remember - - if the world didn 't suck , we would all fall off . 20 . Light travels faster than sound . That 's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak . 21 . Life isn 't like a box of chocolates . It 's more like a jar of jalapenos . What you do today , might burn your butt tomorrow . Postby tiltbillings » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 7 : 53 am This being is bound to samsara , kamma is his means for going beyond . - - SN I , 38 . " Of course it is happening inside your head , Harry , but why on earth should that mean that it is not real ? " HPatDH p . 723 >> Do you see a man wise [ enlightened / ariya ] in his own eyes ? There is more hope for a fool than for him . << - - Proverbs 26 : 12 Postby JimKai » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 4 : 33 pm Kare wrote : cooran wrote : Maybe this style , Kare ? Do not argue with an idiot . He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience . I want to die peacefully in my sleep , like my grandfather . . Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car . I asked God for a bike , but I know God doesn 't work that way . So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness . Not quite . The Norwegian ones in this category all are questions , and they all start with " Why cannot I . . . when . . . " . They are all very language specific , so they just don 't translate well . Some of them are real absurd . The one about Knox was rather lame , but it was the only one I could invent in English . Oh yes - another one just popped up : " Why can 't I quit , when biscuits ? " There is one absurd joke in finnish . Translated to english , it would be something like : " Want went to a store . A shovel . " It is known as the worst joke in the whole language , but it used to crack us up as kids ! Postby meindzai » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 5 : 15 pm Geeky physics joke I am giggling about today . I sent it to my 13 year old ( and very bright ) nephew who is home sick , and told him his homework is to explain it . The tachyon leaves . The bartender says " We don 't serve your kind here ! " A tachyon walks into a bar . - M Postby Kare » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 5 : 38 pm meindzai wrote : Geeky physics joke I am giggling about today . I sent it to my 13 year old ( and very bright ) nephew who is home sick , and told him his homework is to explain it . The tachyon leaves . The bartender says " We don 't serve your kind here ! " A tachyon walks into a bar . - MLooks like a lot of tachyons are writing e - mails these days . . . . Mettāya , Kåre Postby cooran » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 8 : 08 pm Hehheh - A Swiss man , looking for directions , pulls up at a bus stop where two Americans are waiting . " Entschuldigung , koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen ? " he asks . The two Americans just stare at him . " Excusez - moi , parlez vous Fracais ? " he tries . The two continue to stare . " Parlare Italiano ? " No response . " Hablan ustedes Espanol ? " Still nothing . The Swiss guy drives off , extremely disgusted . The first American turns to the second and says , " Y ' know , maybe we should learn a foreign language . " " Why ? " says the other . " That guy knew four languages , and it didn 't do him any good . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - A man mentioned to his landlord about the tenants in the apartment over his . " Many a night they stamp on the floor and shout till midnight . " When the landlord asked if it bothered him , he replied , " Not really , for I usually stay up and practice my trumpet till about that time most every night anyway . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Bill , Jim , and Scott were at a convention together and were sharing a large suite on the top of a 75 - story skyscraper . After a long day of meetings they were shocked to hear that the elevators in their hotel were broken and they would have to climb 75 flights of stairs to get to their room . Bill said to Jim and Scott , let 's break the monotony of this unpleasant task by concentrating on something interesting . I 'll tell jokes for 25 flights , and Jim can sing songs for 25 flights , and Scott can tell sad stories the rest of the way . At the 26th floor Bill stopped telling jokes and Jim began to sing . At the 51st floor Jim stopped singing and Scott began to tell sad stories . " I will tell my saddest story first , " he said . " I left the room key in the car ! " Postby Kare » Tue Feb 01 , 2011 9 : 28 pm cooran wrote : Hehheh - A Swiss man , looking for directions , pulls up at a bus stop where two Americans are waiting . " Entschuldigung , koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen ? " he asks . The two Americans just stare at him . " Excusez - moi , parlez vous Fracais ? " he tries . The two continue to stare . " Parlare Italiano ? " No response . " Hablan ustedes Espanol ? " Still nothing . The Swiss guy drives off , extremely disgusted . The first American turns to the second and says , " Y ' know , maybe we should learn a foreign language . " " Why ? " says the other . " That guy knew four languages , and it didn 't do him any good . " I feel that way myself at times . . . Mettāya , Kåre Postby cooran » Fri Feb 04 , 2011 7 : 57 am The judge frowned at the tired robber and said , " then you admit breaking into the same store on three successive nights ? " " Yes , your honor . " " And why was that ? " " Because my wife wanted a dress . " The judge check with his records , " But it says here you broke in three nights in a row ! " " Yes sir . She made me exchange it two times . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations . At closing time , he saw a fellow tumble out of the bar , trip on the curb , and try his keys in five different cars before he found his . Then he sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes . Everyone else left the bar and drove off . Finally he started his engine and began to pull away . The police officer was waiting for him . He stopped the driver , read him his rights and administered the Breathalyser test . The results showed a reading of 0 . 0 . The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be . The driver replied , " Tonight I 'm the designated decoy . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the other end . After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks , tentatively , " Um , would you mind if I chatted with you for a while ? " To which she responds by yelling , at the top of her lungs , " No , I won 't sleep with you tonight ! " By now , the entire bar is staring at them . Naturally , the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table . After a few minutes , the woman walks over to him and apologizes . She smiles at him and says , " I 'm sorry if I embarrassed you . You see , I 'm a graduate student in psychology and I 'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations . " To which he responds , at the top of his lungs , " What do you mean $ 200 ! " Postby cooran » Sat Feb 05 , 2011 9 : 15 am Two boy scouts went on a nature hike in the hills picking hickory nuts . Along the way , they filled their small pails and then started to fill their pockets and shirts . When they could hold no more nuts , they started down the country road until they came across a cemetery . The boys decided that would be a good place to stop and rest and divide out the nuts . The two boys sat in the shade of a large oak tree and unloaded their pockets and buckets by dumping all of the nuts in a large pile . In the process , two of them rolled away and rested near the road . The boys then proceeded to divide out the nuts . " One for you . One for me . One for you . One for me . " As they were doing this , another boy was passing by and happened to hear them . He looked into the cemetery , but could not see the boys , because they were obscured by the tree . He hesitated a moment and then ran back to town . " Father ! Father ! " he yelled as he entered his house . " The cemetery . Come quick ! " " What 's the matter ? " his father asked . " No time to explain , " the boy frantically panted . " Follow me ! " The boy and his father ran up the country road and stopped when they reached the cemetery . They stopped at the side of the road and all fell silent for a few moments . Then the father asked his son what was wrong . " Do you hear that ? " he whispered . Both people listened intently and heard the Scouts . " One for me . One for you . One for me . One for you . . . " The boy then blurted out , " The devil and the Lord are dividing the souls ! " The father was skeptical but silent - - until a few moments later as the Scouts completed dividing out the nuts and one Scout said to the other , " Now , as soon as we get those two nuts down by the road , we 'll have them all . " Postby cooran » Sun Feb 06 , 2011 8 : 58 am " But doctor , " lamented the young husband in counselling , " whenever Sue and I quarrel , she becomes historical . " " You mean , hysterical , " said the doctor . " No , historical . She is always digging up my past . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - After many sessions the psychiatrist says to his patient : Congratulations , Sir , you are cured . The patient says : Some cure . Before I was Alexander the Great . Now I 'm nobody . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Patient : Doctor I have a sore throat , I ache , and have a fever . Doctor : Sounds like some kind of virus . Patient : Everyone in the office has it . Doctor : Well then , maybe it 's a staff infection . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - A dentist , after completing work on a patient , came to him and asked ; " could you help me ? Could you give out a few of your loudest , most painful screams ? " The surprised patient said ; " why doctor , it wasn 't all that bad this time ! " The dentist said ; " there are so many people in the waiting room right now , and I don 't want to miss the four o ' clock train . " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Postby cooran » Mon Feb 07 , 2011 9 : 18 am A mum was concerned about her kindergarten son walking to school . He didn 't want his mother to walk with him . She wanted to give him the feeling that he had some independence but yet know that he was safe . So she had an idea of how to handle it . She asked a neighbor if she would please follow him to school in the mornings , staying at a distance , so he probably wouldn 't notice her . The neighbor said that since she was up early with her toddler anyway , it would be a good way for them to get some exercise as well , so she agreed . The next school day , the neighbor and her little girl set out following behind Timmy as he walked to school with another neighbor girl he knew . She did this for the whole week . As the two walked and chatted , kicking stones and twigs , Timmy 's little friend noticed the same lady was following them as she seemed to do every day all week . Finally she said to Timmy , ' Have you noticed that lady following us to school all week ? Do you know her ? ' Timmy nonchalantly replied , ' Yeah , I know who she is . ' The little girl said , ' Well , who is she ? ' ' That 's just Shirley Goodnest , ' Timmy replied , ' and her daughter Marcy . ' ' Shirley Goodnest ? Who the heck is she and why is she following us ? ' Well , ' Timmy explained , ' every night my Mum makes me say the 23rd Psalm with my prayers , ' cuz she worries about me so much . And in the Psalm , it says , ' Shirley Goodnest and Marcy shall follow me all the days of my life ' , so I guess I 'll just have to get used to it ! ' Postby andre9999 » Mon Feb 07 , 2011 3 : 27 pm That was terrible . It reminds me of the joke : Q : " How many angels can you fit into a honda ? " A : " All of them . They all sing in one Accord . " Postby cooran » Tue Feb 08 , 2011 5 : 14 am How to give a cat a pill . 1 . Pick up the cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby . Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat 's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand . As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth . Allow cat to close mouth and swallow . 2 . Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa . Cradle cat in left Arm and repeat process . 3 . Take new pill from foil wrap , cradle cat in left arm , holding rear paws tightly with left hand . Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger . Hold mouth shut for a count of ten . 4 . Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees , hold front and rear paws , ignore growls emitted by cat . Get spouse to hold cat 's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth . Drop pill down ruler and rub cat 's throat vigorously . 5 . Retrieve cat from curtain rail , get another pill from foil wrap . Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains . Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later . 6 . Wrap cat in a large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with cat 's head just visible from below armpit . Put pill in end of a drinking straw , force cat 's mouth open with pencil and blow down straw . 7 . Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans , drink a beer to take away the taste . Apply Band - Aid to spouse 's forearm and remove blood from the carpet with soap and water . 8 . Tie the little angel 's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of the dining table . Find heavy pruning gloves from shed . Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak . Be rough about it . Hold head vertical and pour 2 pints of water down cat 's throat to wash down pill . 9 . Consume remainder of scotch . Get spouse to drive you to the Accident and Emergency clinic , sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill from your eye . Call furniture shop on way home t - - - The trouble is that you think you have time - - - - - - Worry is the Interest , paid in advance , on a debt you may never owe - - - - - - It 's not what happens to you in life that is important ~ it 's what you do with it - - - Postby Kim OHara » Tue Feb 08 , 2011 5 : 51 am This one turned up in my inbox yesterday and it 's an obvious soulmate to the joke above . . . How to wash a toilet 1 . Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1 / 8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl . 2 . Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom . 3 . In one smooth movement , put the cat in the toilet and close the lid . You may need to stand on the lid . . . 4 . The cat will self agitate and make ample suds . Never mind the noises that come from the toilet , the cat is actually enjoying this . 5 . Flush the toilet three or four times . This provides a ' power - wash ' and rinse ' . 6 . Have someone open the front door of your home . Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door . 7 . Stand behind the toilet as far as you can , and quickly lift the lid . 8 . The cat will rocket out of the toilet , streak through the bathroom , and run outside where he will dry himself off . 9 . Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean . Yours Sincerely , The Dog Top Postby Kaktus » Tue Feb 08 , 2011 8 : 05 am These quotes are from one of my favorite blogs : These are things people actually said in court , word for word , taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place . = = = = Q : Are you sexually active ? A : No , I just lie there . = = = = Q : What is your date of birth ? A : July fifteenth . Q : What year ? A : Every year . = = = = Q : What gear were you in at the moment of the impact ? A : Gucci sweats and Reeboks . = = = = Q : This myasthenia gravis , does it affect your memory at all ? A : Yes . Q : And in what ways does it affect your memory ? A : I forget . Q : You forget . Can you give us an example of something that you 've forgotten ? = = = = Q : What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning ? A : He said , " Where am I , Cathy ? " Q : And why did that upset you ? A : My name is Susan . = = = = Q : Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult ? A : We both do . Q : Voodoo ? A : We do . Q : You do ? A : Yes , voodoo . = = = = Q : Now doctor , isn 't it true that when a person dies in his sleep , he doesn 't know about it until the next morning ? = = = = Q : The youngest son , the twenty - year old , how old is he ? = = = = Q : Were you present when your picture was taken ? = = = = Q : So the date of conception ( of the baby ) was August 8th ? A : Yes . Q : And what were you doing at that time ? = = = = Q : She had three children , right ? A : Yes . Q : How many were boys ? A : None . Q : Were there any girls ? = = = = Q : How was your first marriage terminated ? A : By death . Q : And by whose death was it terminated ? = = = = Q : Can you describe the individual ? A : He was about medium height and had a beard . Q : Was this a male , or a female ? = = = = Q : Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney ? A : No , this is how I dress when I go to work . = = = = Q : Doctor , how many autopsies have you performed on dead people ? A : All my autopsies are performed on dead people . = = = = Q : All your responses must be oral , OK ? What school did you go to ? A : Oral . = = = = Q : Do you recaEnglish isn 't my native language . So please accept my apologies for my kind of spelling and grammar Top Postby cooran » Fri Feb 11 , 2011 9 : 06 am A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something . The driver screamed , lost control of the cab , nearly hit a bus , drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window . For a few moments everything was silent in the cab , then the driver said , " Please , don 't ever do that again . You scared the daylights out of me . " The passenger , who was also frightened , apologized and said he didn 't realize that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much , to which the driver replied , " I 'm sorry , it 's really not your fault at all . Today is my first day driving a cab , I have been driving a hearse for the last 25 years . Postby cooran » Sat Feb 12 , 2011 9 : 03 pm A rather old fashioned lady , always quite delicate and elegant , especially in her language , was planning a weeks holiday in Sydney with her husband , so she wrote to a particular camping ground and asked for a reservation . She wanted to make sure that the camping ground was fully equipped , but didn 't know quite how to ask about the toilet facilities . She just couldn 't bring herselfto write the word " toilet " in her letter . After much thought , she finally came up with the old fashioned term " Bathroom closet " but when she wrote it down , she still thought she was being too forward , so she started all over again , rewrote the letter , and referred to the bathroom closet as the B . C . " Does the camping ground have it 's own B . C . " is what she wrote . Well , the camping ground owner wasn 't a bit old fashioned , and he just couldn 't figure out what the old lady was talking about , so he showed the letter around a few of the campers and the only thing they could come up with was that B . C . stood for Baptist Church , so he wrote the following reply . Dear Madam , I regret very much the delay in answering your letter , but I now take the pleasure of informing you that a B . C . is located nine miles north of our camping ground , and is capable of seating 250 people at one time . I admit that it is quite a distance away if you are in the habit of going regularly but no doubt you will be pleased to know that a great number of campers go there and many take their lunches along and make a day of it . They usually arrive nice and early and stay quite late . The last time my wife and I went was six years ago , and it was so crowded we had to stand up the whole time we were there . It may interest you to know that there is a special supper planned there to raise money to buy more seats so that everyone will be able to sit in comfort . I would like to say that it pains me very much not to be able to go more regularly , but it is surely no lack of desire on my part , just that I am so busy most of the time . As we grow older , it - - - The trouble is that you think you have time - - - - - - Worry is the Interest , paid in advance , on a debt you may never owe - - - - - - It 's not what happens to you in life that is important ~ it 's what you do with it - - -
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