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Pat sent me this cute blogger meme . Thanks Pat ! 1 . Each blogger must post these rules . 2 . Each blogger starts with ten random facts / habits about themselves . 3 . Bloggers that are tagged need to write ten facts about themselves . You need to choose ten people to tag and list their names . Here are my ten random facts / habits : 1 . I 'm a certified lefty . I was just reminded of this when I heard that Obama is a lefty too . 2 . I still have a cabinet - full of clothes which no longer fit ( wishing that someday , I 'll lose enough weight to start wearing them again ) . 3 . I really don 't go for chunky fashion jewelry . I prefer real classic gold jewelries . 4 . I used to know a bit of piano but lost interest because my teacher ( Mrs . Zummel ) was " amoy - lupa na " and I hated it ! Hahaha ! 5 . I have yet to find ' the ' hairdresser to give me that perfect cut . 6 . I 've been super grouchy lately . Bleh ~ bleh ~ bleh ~ 7 . One time , I cried when I saw our electric bill . Long story . 8 . I 'm a lousy bag - owner . Maybe that 's why my husband would probably never give me a bag that 's worth more than 10k . 9 . I love to read but I seem to have not found enough time to read . I 'd rather sleep really . 10 . I think that I love to eat more than I love to cook . I also like drinking occasionally but not often enough to undergo alcohol detox . Passing this meme to Iris , Jown and Alpha . Since I 've been on the edge because of my present condition , I looked for some natural remedies for my VOMITING AND NAUSEA : Sucking a piece of ice controls vomiting . Eat 1 / 2 tsp . ground cumin seeds . Cinnamon and sliced ginger work by interrupting nausea signals sent from the stomach to the brain . If you are an herbal tea drinker , simply sprinkle cinnamon on the tea and drink . To make ginger tea , simmer a few slices of ginger in hot tea water . Ai also gave me some helpful tips regarding this . Thanks Ai ! I hope it works ! Posted by I was just on the phone with my cousin who is 15 years old . He just called in to ask if he can drink the Coke in the refrigerator and if he can play the computer this afternoon . I immediately answered ' yes ' regarding the Coke but hesitated if I should allow him to play the computer . You see , this boy 's very addicted to online games that he even goes out of his way to know about call of duty cheats . He really should be banned from playing the computer on weekdays but I still have to learn to put my foot forward to take him out from his addiction . As I am looking for a nice name for baby # 2 , I stumbled into this page about celebrities ' real names . I really chuckled upon knowing that Caryn Elaine Johnson is actually Whoopi Goldberg and that Stanley Kirk Burrell is ( MC ) Hammer . Among the real names , I really liked Laura Jean Reese Witherspoon ( Reese Witherspoon ) . I would have preferred Susan Alexandra Weaver over Sigourney Weaver . I also like Robert James Ritchie better than his celebrity name as Kid Rock . But of course , I think I 'm more traditional and really their celebrity names sound more interesting . By the way , did you know that Aliaune Damala Bouga Time Puru Nacka Lu Lu Lu Badara Akon Thiam is now known simply as Akon ? Hmmm . I think I better think twice before giving a mouthful of names to my child . He / She might want to change it when he / she becomes famous ! Posted by On the topic of car hunting , I just sent my husband a copy of the repossessed cars that are up for sale in our sister company . You see , we regularly receive notices on the recently repossessed vehicles of the bank . There is a variety of car brands that you can chose from . And if you 're lucky you can catch a good deal on a New Ford or any car of your choice . Just last night , my husband and I decided to move ( read : sleep ) into my parents ' room from our original room in the attic . The room has been vacant since my Dad decided to re - marry and move to Batangas . And as you see , with my new pregnancy , we realized that we needed a bigger bed for us . Since my Dad 's bed is a king - size while our is a mere double bed , transfering to my parents ' room would really be the right thing to do ( plus there are less steps going up ) . Later on , when Zoe ( and baby # 2 ) will be a bit older and more independent , they can have our room in the attic . And as they progress to be students , our plan is to convert what is currently Zoe 's playroom in the attic into a study room cum library that is ideal for study . I don 't quite remember where I got this photo but this is more or less the design that I like . I find this such a perfect - fit for our attic space . I just thought of posting this so I won 't lose the idea . Posted by On the way to work today , my husband and I had a very interesting discussion about cars . You see , lately , I 've been fancying on selling our Toyota Corolla and buying a new one that 's would fit better our family 's needs . I actually told him that I had my mind set on either getting a Honda CRV , a BYD E6 Electric Car or any dependable SUV . But of course , we just cannot plunge and buy anything without studying the practicality and financial aspects of buying a new car . Aside from the price and reputation , what would matter to me also are the engine quality and size . In view of this , my husband suggested that we make a visit to some car dealers one time in order for us to have a more concrete idea of what we really want to buy . Of course , we also need to look at how our finances are doing and think if it is really practical to buy a new car at this point . With the economy going bad , it is sometimes scary to invest on depreciating goods such as a car . Do you agree ? Is it the right time to buy a car now during these hard times ? Your thoughts are very much welcome . Posted by I found this scanned picture of my parents as I was looking for some personal files . In this picture , they were both in their early 20s , very much in love and ready to take on the world . Looking at it makes me feel like crying . Advance happy birthday Nanay ! You would have been 62 years old this Sunday . I love you , I miss you and I know you 're watching over me all the time . : - ) I just realized now that by the time I give birth this year , it will be just a few weeks away from Halloween . Well , it 's never too early to plan , right ? I would probably be too busy by then to buy a costume for Zoe and for little one . So today , I looked through the internet for nice Halloween costumes for the kids . I definitely want them to look cutesy and huggable ! Maybe the whole family could even go in coordinating outfits like a set of Caveman costume like a Tarzan and Jane outfit or something like a his and hers costume for the kids ( if our second baby would be a boy ) . I looked through a collection of nice stuff for babies and found these really nice items for baby # 2 . If the baby will be a boy ( here 's just some wishful thinking on my part ) , I would love to buy this bell pepper bunting or this baseball outfit . I 'm pretty sure my husband would like to see his infant son inside a nice baseball jersey for babies since my husband is very much a baseball fan himself . I could just imagine father and son donning matching baseball outfits during the annual Halloween party in our village . That would be such a cute sight to watch ! Posted by It 's already almost nine o ' clock in the evening now and I 'm still here in the office trying to finish some tasks and overdue reports . Honestly , I feel so tired already . Not to mention my present condition now ( I 'm eight weeks pregnant , you see ) , anyone in my shoes right now would have packed her bag and rushed home to either to take care of her family or get that much needed dinner and rest . But yeah , it always seems that I have no other choice but to finish my work even if there is still tomorrow . I have an over - due report since last week which I need to submit to one of our big bosses . On the side , I think , " Who 's not a big boss in this office , anyway ? Why do they get my priorities crooked all the time ? ! " My boss and her family own the whole company ( which is worth billions of dollars ) , so it 's no joke to working here in this office . Many times , I wonder within myself if I should finally quit my present job , take up a PhD and start a career in teaching in the university . Way back in college , our teacher in Business asked us to do a Custom Essay about our plans 20 years from that time ( we were more or less 20 years old ) . It was a tough assignment that I even considered getting an Essay Writing Service . But no , this was too personal a paper to depend on a 3rd party to do it for me . I still clearly remember what I wrote in that particular paper . I said that at around 40 years old , after 20 years or so of successfully working in a big institution such as a bank , after studying and finishing a Masters degree in Business , get married to the man of my dreams , have good , intelligent and wonderful children and raise a happy family , I would be glad to avail of an early retirement and start to a new career as a professor in the academe . Yes , everything in that paper seems to be coming true except for the last part . I said that I wanted to go back to the academe and give back to the students what I have learned all those years in corporate life . I would probably teach business administration or something of that sort . I canVina I never knew the importance of having a good quality mailbox until I found my credit card billing statement torn opened and found in the middle of the street not so long ago . I still cringe at the thought that someone tried to meddle with my private mail . Since then , I had always been on a look out for the perfect mailbox . My search led me recently to a great online store that offers a vast selection of wonderful looking mailboxes for home and commercial use . Seattleluxe is there to bring not only security but added beauty to your home with their top quality mailbox merchandise . Upon seeing the site , I see a wide variety of choices . For me , form and beauty count as well as quality . Now I have found just the right type of mailbox that is perfect for our home - a wall - mounted mailbox that looks sturdy and classic - looking . This is kind of a delayed post ( since the activity already started ) . However , I would still like to share with you something interesting that you may want to attend . It 's a series of talk by Registered Nutritionist ( and my friend ) Che de Vega about grocerying , diet and healthy living . Just leave me a comment if you are interested to join me in the future talks . I was told too that after this set , the next activity would be a Home Management Course by Ms . Frannie Daez , the author of Keep it Together ( a home management book ) . I am sooo interested ! ! Do you want to be a winner ? If you know something about XML and DB2 , then maybe you would want to join the xml contest online and win lots of cool prices . Don 't know anything about XML but are interested to learn ? Well , you can still actually join other contests on their site . By joining , you can pick up a thing or two about XML and other applications that can be of big help to you especially if you are keen of making it in the IT industry someday . Some of my friends who are techie are so interested to get in this contest and have actually participated . XML is easy to learn , they say . So what are you waiting for ? Click on the links of the website www . xmlchallenge . com , sign in and be a WINNER . Posted by Since I am in the early stages of my second pregnancy , I 've stayed away from dusty places , perfume , mouth rinse , scented soaps , garlic , and other strong smelling - stuff . I avoid all these to prevent my stomach from getting sick and from probable allergies which I had experienced the last time . Due to this pregnancy too , I 've stayed away from my disorderly closet , book shelves , shoe cabinet , Zoe 's toys . . . in a word , from organizing . I prefer getting some sleep on weekend mid - mornings and resting in the bedroom . This baby is now more important than those stacks of clothes waiting to be put away , those envelope - full of papers and receipts needed to be filed , those toys waiting for me to organize . They would all have to wait when I am again able , strong and okay . Until then , the house will continue to function ( with the help of my family of course ) . Thank God for a " masipag " husband and reliable house - help ! Everybody already knows that the economy has never been this bad at least for the past ten years . I watch the latest news and feel really bad at the way the markets have turned and how it has been causing lay - offs , losses in investments and closing down of big companies . The fact is , those who were once high profile financial executives are now back to zero in their business . For my friends in marketing , I could only suggest to them not to lose hope . Although the cost of real estate properties has been slashed badly , there are still companies who can offer them Mortgage Leads through Voice Broadcasting that can result to deals and bottom - line sales . You only have to expand your market and look for the strategies that work . Posted by For the third time around , we again rented out our house to the producers from Channel 4 . I think the show now will be called Pangarap Kong Jackpot ( previously Count Your Blessings ) . The title 's like that because this is a show funded mainly by PCSO ata . Anyway , the main characters for this week - long episode are Dimples Romana and Baron Geisler . Oh di va ! I actually stopped myself from asking for a photo with the artistas . Besides , I couldn 't find the perfect timing . Anyway , just a short anecdote . . . I was watching them do a take from the living room and B . G . was holding a cig . I looked at him and when he saw me and greeted me with " Hello Ate " . Hehehe . Then he saw the suman that we have in the kitchen and asked me if we have Muscovado ( which we didn 't coz I gave away the Muscovado that I bought directly from Bacolod to my boss ) . I said " No , sorry ! " and he said " Ang sarap kasi ng itsura nung suman ninyo ( pointing at the plateful of suman on the table ) . " Hahaha . Yun lang . : - ) Surprisingly , the crew packed up earlier than before for which I was super glad . : - ) At least we needn 't lose sleep because of the taping at home . : - ) Anyway , we sometimes hear neighbors questioning our decision to allow these people to rent out our house for TV . They say that the money being paid to us is so small and it 's not worth the disturbance and the probable - damage that the crew may cause . Well , for us , it 's really no hassle . The TV crew are all very friendly . We even get to see artistas right in our very own living / bed room and get paid for it ( enough to pay for our monthly electric bill ) . So why not ? : - ) Posted by Well , well , well . What do ya ' know ? January 's almost over and I still haven 't blogged about my New Year 's resolution . Maybe it 's because I still haven 't taken it to heart up to now ( and I tend to forget lots of things anyway ) . DE - CLUTTER . That 's my resolution . It means : throwing out unnecessary papers - receipts , lists , stubs , tickets , and what - notfile those important papers IMMEDIATELY and not wait for all of it to pile up ( and get ready with all those labeled folders ) weed out clothes which have never been or seldom worn , don 't fit , damaged or are plain uglyuse only one calendar / notebook so no more sticky notesclean out bedroom cabinet which still has unopened presents and even wedding giftsget rid of left - overs in the fridge which have not been touched for a weekdeclutter office supplies ( I have too much of this really ) clean up the china cabinet fix baby 's toys sell or give away CDs and VCDs which are no longer wantedno to junk bags and junk drawers - - - just put them straight to where each one belongsA LOT OF HARD WORK AND PATIENCE Wish me luck ! I think the good thing about having a second baby is having a more familiar feeling about the whole pregnancy in general . As they say , " been there , done that " . In my case , I already know that this time , I need to be more vigilant and controlled in the diet aspect of my pregnancy lest I fall again into the trap of overeating , giving in to unhealthy foods and ending up gaining too much weight by the time I reach my full term . For this second pregnancy , my plan is to eat healthier . I want to erase my past mistake of not having a very healthy diet during the first time . So I plan to bring out our blender so that I can always have fresh and nutritious fruit drinks in the morning . I vow to make this ever - reliable home appliance my constant companion for the months ahead . I also would bring out our turbo broiler so I can have more broiled meat instead of fried . I will also eat lots of leafy green vegetables even if I don 't like it that much . And for the major thing , I want to give up eating junk food and drinking soft drink - - for this is my ultimate weakness . ( If you 're reading this Hunny , I hope you can help and support me on this ) . Believe me , I 'll do anything for this baby to be healthy , even if it takes a lot of temperance and self - mastery . So wish me luck ! Posted by Just reminiscing old pics of our previous travels to Iloilo . I was also a few weeks ' pregnant ( then with Zoe ) in these pictures . Looking forward to seeing Iloilo tomorrow . . . this time with Hunny , Zoe , and our new baby ( still in my womb ) . Last January 4 , we agreed to rent out again our humble home to the producers of Count Your Blessings ( airing daily , Monday to Friday , 5 : 00 p . m . at NBN Channel 4 ) . The episode which they were going to tape featured showbiz celebrities Sheree and Coco Martin . Sorry for not being updated but I never really heard about this guys prior to that day . So out of curiosity , I asked the others about their background . I heard from the neighbor that Sheree was part of Viva Hot Babes and that she has given birth already . In fairness , she 's friendly , sexy and pretty up close . I couldn 't believe that she 's already a mom ! I was afraid to ask her if she had undergone a tummy tuck for there seems to be no trace at all that she has been pregnant before , that is , compared to me who let my weight go up uncontrollably during and after my pregnancy . Anyway , if my job is to look sexy ( as in her case ) and if I had the resources ( which I don 't ) , I would gladly undergo a tummy tuck ! As for Coco Martin , he was also friendly and I could see that our two helpers were so ecstatic to see him in person . I heard that he has an acting award for a movie so I " googled " his name up and found pictures of him which were too sexy for me , so I stopped . Anyway , as before , part of our agreement with the director is not to use the house , especially the master 's bedroom , for scenes which are too sexy or too violent . My Dad specifically told us this . I think it 's good to point out this issue to the producer and the director . We said that we don 't want to be a contributor in spreading lewdness on TV . Instead , we only want to be part in sharing good moral lessons to the viewing public . Good thing the show Count Your Blessings is more or less okay . Leaving you with a picture : To continue my story from the last post , after breakfast , I had a sudden urge to go visit the weekend market in Makati after remembering the episode from Supermarket Chef of the Lifestyle Network Channel which we watched a couples of nights before . So even if there was a yummy lunch of Nilagang Baboy already prepared at home , my husband and I still decided to leave and catch whatever 's left before the market sellers packed away . Here are some pictures : We bought some vegetables , green mangoes ( ! ) , suman sa lihiya and other small things which I cannot remember anymore . For lunch , we contented ourselves with huge grilled hotdog sandwiches and a mango shake . After this mini - date , we headed to Glorietta to see what was on sale ( Zara and Mango were on sale but I didn 't have to urge to buy anything ) . We left empty - handed so we decided to go to our ever - favorite Conti 's in Serendra to buy Blueberry Cheese Cake ( my craving ) and some goodies which we will bring to party that we were supposed to attend . I super enjoyed this mini - field trip ! Thanks Hun . Posted by Last January 3 , I woke up very early so that I could go to Mass . After taking a bath and dressing up , I took a home pregnancy test to verify my suspicion . Actually , I knew deep inside that I was pregnant . I only needed a confirmation from a test . A few days before , I saw that I had some blood spots so I thought that my period was on the way . I actually almost cried at the thought that I 'm not pregnant . You see , we 've been hoping and praying for a blessing to come for the past how many months already . Anyway , when my period didn 't arrive on December 31 , I knew . I was so happy to see the two pink lines appear almost immediately . Pure bliss ! Since it was still too early to wake up my husband and baby who were both sleeping soundly , I left the HPT at the bathroom so that it would be easily seen by my husband when he gets up from bed . Then I headed off to go to Mass ( it was the first Saturday of the month ) . At mass , I couldn 't help but be emotional . I looked intensely at the Holy Eucharist being consecrated and I felt so happy , so grateful and so blessed . I texted my sister immediately after the mass because I couldn 't contain the joy that I was feeling . Anyway , I headed home after my thanksgiving after the mass and was welcomed by a BIG smile from my husband . I was sure he saw the HPT because he was already busy cooking up something special for breakfast . His first words were - - " two lines ! " It is a cause for a celebration ! He made us a creamy and cheesy egg omelet . It was delicious ! He added cream cheese , milk , cheddar cheese and some salt and pepper to the egg so it tasted so great ! That recipe in itself could be a subject for many of my House Everything 's and even my father 's textbooks ' Essay Examples . Actually , I find my husband 's cooking as a very interesting Essay Topic that I could go on and on talking and writing about it . I probably would even want to get a reputable group to send me a Custom Essay which features our favorite recipes and it would probably turn out to be the start of a nice novel like that ofVina Christmas Day is done and we 're still left with some ham from the feast . I wanted to make good use of the left - over ham , so when we had some friends coming over for dinner one time , I made Mac and Cheese for them . It was gastronomically sinful ( of course , I 'm a bit biased , hahaha ) . And then since I made a big bowl of this , there was still enough for next day 's lunch . Have you ever tasted any pasta that 's 2 or 3 days - old ? Well , in my opinion , it tastes even better because by that time , the pasta and the sauce have been mixed well together . Posted by Last Sunday , January 04 , 2009 , our family trooped all the way to Sta . Rosa , Laguna to attend the annual Christmas Party we have with our friends from way back . We got to know each other around 9 - 10 years ago when most of us were young , single and unattached . I was ( still is ) the youngest among the group and they all treated me like their young sister . This group consists of Pat , Fred , Owi , Tin - tin , Gina , Stella , Teng and myself . The other people who used to tag along but are now out of touch are Mandy , Hector , Pin and Dave . I still remember when we would go on out of town pilgrimages ( we still do actually ) and summer outings with our families . Our last get - together was during Pat and Fred 's daughter 's birthday party . Prior to that , we celebrated Christmas at Owi and Tin - tin 's brand new house in Merville . When before we were mostly single , many of us now are happily married with kids of our own . Pat and Fred already have two kids while Owi and Tin have 1 cute boy who is almost as old as our very own Zoe . Stella and Gina are still both very much single . All of these friends of ours are highly successful in their jobs . They are that successful that I could include their names as reference persons when I do my Resume Writing . Anyway , for this year , Pat and Fred hosted the Christmas Party at their newly - furnished home in Ayala Westgrove Heights . Their house is huge ! Zoe enjoyed every single minute playing with the other kids . We also enjoyed all the interesting stories of what happened to each one during the past year . One of the biggest news there is the decision of Pat to resign from her highly prestigious HR job in Ayala Group of Companies in order to be a full - time mother to her two kids , ages 7 and 4 . She was fortunate enough to avail of a special retirement package that gave her a huge amount of money that can cover the full payment of their house / lot and their new car plus also buy her enough time to be just at home until she decides what she wants to do next . I think she 's very lucky indeed ! Pat has climbed the corPosted by For New Year 's lunch , we decided to try out a new recipe which we saw on TV ( Supermarket Chef ) . We used this recipe plus incorporated the other version of the recipe that I found online . What about these recipes that fancied my husband ? BEER . Yup , the batter had beer in it . Tastes yummy . I 'm pasting here the Jamie Oliver 's version . FISH AND CHIPSRecipe courtesy Jamie Oliver IngredientsFor the chips : • 3 3 / 4 pints ( 2 liters ) vegetable oil • 2 pounds ( 950 grams ) floury potatoes , like russets , peeled and cut into large chipsFor the batter : • 1 cup plain flour • 1 cup beer • 2 egg whites , whipped to soft peaks • Salt • 4 ( 9 ounce / 250 gram ) fillets haddock or cod , skin on , and pin bonedDirectionsPour all the vegetable oil into a deep pan or deep fat fryer , and heat to 300 degrees F ( 160 degrees C . ) Blanch the cut potatoes in the oil until soft , but not colored , about 4 minutes . Remove and drain . Mix together the flour and the beer , then fold in the egg whites . Turn up the heat of the oil to 350 degrees F ( 180 degrees C ) . Dip the fish in the batter and fry for a few minutes with the chips until golden brown . Drain on kitchen paper and serve with bread and butter , wally 's ( battered , deep fried pickles served with ranch dressing ) , and pickled eggs . Before anything else , House Everything would like to greet you a very Happy New Year ! I know I 've lagged behind in my blogging for the past few days . Sorry dears ! I 'll just try my best to make up despite the bad internet connection at home . The past week has been so busy . We had lots and lots of partying , cooking , shopping , cleaning and organizing going around at home . With one more day left in our vacation ( which lasted a good 11 days , by the way ) , it is still far from over . We will still be going out of town tomorrow for a party with friends in Westgrove . Plus ( here 's the big thing ) , there will be another taping inside our house tomorrow . Yup , we have again agreed to rent out our house to the tv producers of Count Your Blessings for another shooting for one of their future episodes . We heard that Coco Martin and a Viva Hot Babe girl will be part of the main cast . Too bad we will only get a short glimpse of them since we are leaving right after lunch . Anyway , although I 'm glad to get extra money from this venture , I 'm also a bit worried because I know that the tv crew will be moving around much of our furniture . I really hope they don 't add more damage to our pitiful - looking living room furniture that is already old . If only we could buy a new living room set soon . We actually found some fantastic designs online that matches our mocha - colored walls and we 're looking forward to checking it soon . This will definitely be one of our top TO - BUY things for the house this 2009 . Posted by My 2 older kids both study now at PAREF . Luigi is now in Grade 1 while Zoe is in Grade 4 . How time flies ! Both schools also recently celebrated Filipino W . . .
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Pat sent me this cute blogger meme . Thanks Pat ! 1 . Each blogger must post these rules . 2 . Each blogger starts with ten random facts / habits about themselves . 3 . Bloggers that are tagged need to write ten facts about themselves . You need to choose ten people to tag and list their names . Here are my ten random facts / habits : 1 . I 'm a certified lefty . I was just reminded of this when I heard that Obama is a lefty too . 2 . I still have a cabinet - full of clothes which no longer fit ( wishing that someday , I 'll lose enough weight to start wearing them again ) . 3 . I really don 't go for chunky fashion jewelry . I prefer real classic gold jewelries . 4 . I used to know a bit of piano but lost interest because my teacher ( Mrs . Zummel ) was " amoy - lupa na " and I hated it ! Hahaha ! 5 . I have yet to find ' the ' hairdresser to give me that perfect cut . 6 . I 've been super grouchy lately . Bleh ~ bleh ~ bleh ~ 7 . One time , I cried when I saw our electric bill . Long story . 8 . I 'm a lousy bag - owner . Maybe that 's why my husband would probably never give me a bag that 's worth more than 10k . 9 . I love to read but I seem to have not found enough time to read . I 'd rather sleep really . 10 . I think that I love to eat more than I love to cook . I also like drinking occasionally but not often enough to undergo alcohol detox . Passing this meme to Iris , Jown and Alpha . Since I 've been on the edge because of my present condition , I looked for some natural remedies for my VOMITING AND NAUSEA : Sucking a piece of ice controls vomiting . Eat 1 / 2 tsp . ground cumin seeds . Cinnamon and sliced ginger work by interrupting nausea signals sent from the stomach to the brain . If you are an herbal tea drinker , simply sprinkle cinnamon on the tea and drink . To make ginger tea , simmer a few slices of ginger in hot tea water . Ai also gave me some helpful tips regarding this . Thanks Ai ! I hope it works ! Posted by I was just on the phone with my cousin who is 15 years old . He just called in to ask if he can drink the Coke in the refrigerator and if he can play the computer this afternoon . I immediately answered ' yes ' regarding the Coke but hesitated if I should allow him to play the computer . You see , this boy 's very addicted to online games that he even goes out of his way to know about call of duty cheats . He really should be banned from playing the computer on weekdays but I still have to learn to put my foot forward to take him out from his addiction . As I am looking for a nice name for baby # 2 , I stumbled into this page about celebrities ' real names . I really chuckled upon knowing that Caryn Elaine Johnson is actually Whoopi Goldberg and that Stanley Kirk Burrell is ( MC ) Hammer . Among the real names , I really liked Laura Jean Reese Witherspoon ( Reese Witherspoon ) . I would have preferred Susan Alexandra Weaver over Sigourney Weaver . I also like Robert James Ritchie better than his celebrity name as Kid Rock . But of course , I think I 'm more traditional and really their celebrity names sound more interesting . By the way , did you know that Aliaune Damala Bouga Time Puru Nacka Lu Lu Lu Badara Akon Thiam is now known simply as Akon ? Hmmm . I think I better think twice before giving a mouthful of names to my child . He / She might want to change it when he / she becomes famous ! Posted by On the topic of car hunting , I just sent my husband a copy of the repossessed cars that are up for sale in our sister company . You see , we regularly receive notices on the recently repossessed vehicles of the bank . There is a variety of car brands that you can chose from . And if you 're lucky you can catch a good deal on a New Ford or any car of your choice . Just last night , my husband and I decided to move ( read : sleep ) into my parents ' room from our original room in the attic . The room has been vacant since my Dad decided to re - marry and move to Batangas . And as you see , with my new pregnancy , we realized that we needed a bigger bed for us . Since my Dad 's bed is a king - size while our is a mere double bed , transfering to my parents ' room would really be the right thing to do ( plus there are less steps going up ) . Later on , when Zoe ( and baby # 2 ) will be a bit older and more independent , they can have our room in the attic . And as they progress to be students , our plan is to convert what is currently Zoe 's playroom in the attic into a study room cum library that is ideal for study . I don 't quite remember where I got this photo but this is more or less the design that I like . I find this such a perfect - fit for our attic space . I just thought of posting this so I won 't lose the idea . Posted by On the way to work today , my husband and I had a very interesting discussion about cars . You see , lately , I 've been fancying on selling our Toyota Corolla and buying a new one that 's would fit better our family 's needs . I actually told him that I had my mind set on either getting a Honda CRV , a BYD E6 Electric Car or any dependable SUV . But of course , we just cannot plunge and buy anything without studying the practicality and financial aspects of buying a new car . Aside from the price and reputation , what would matter to me also are the engine quality and size . In view of this , my husband suggested that we make a visit to some car dealers one time in order for us to have a more concrete idea of what we really want to buy . Of course , we also need to look at how our finances are doing and think if it is really practical to buy a new car at this point . With the economy going bad , it is sometimes scary to invest on depreciating goods such as a car . Do you agree ? Is it the right time to buy a car now during these hard times ? Your thoughts are very much welcome . Posted by I found this scanned picture of my parents as I was looking for some personal files . In this picture , they were both in their early 20s , very much in love and ready to take on the world . Looking at it makes me feel like crying . Advance happy birthday Nanay ! You would have been 62 years old this Sunday . I love you , I miss you and I know you 're watching over me all the time . : - ) I just realized now that by the time I give birth this year , it will be just a few weeks away from Halloween . Well , it 's never too early to plan , right ? I would probably be too busy by then to buy a costume for Zoe and for little one . So today , I looked through the internet for nice Halloween costumes for the kids . I definitely want them to look cutesy and huggable ! Maybe the whole family could even go in coordinating outfits like a set of Caveman costume like a Tarzan and Jane outfit or something like a his and hers costume for the kids ( if our second baby would be a boy ) . I looked through a collection of nice stuff for babies and found these really nice items for baby # 2 . If the baby will be a boy ( here 's just some wishful thinking on my part ) , I would love to buy this bell pepper bunting or this baseball outfit . I 'm pretty sure my husband would like to see his infant son inside a nice baseball jersey for babies since my husband is very much a baseball fan himself . I could just imagine father and son donning matching baseball outfits during the annual Halloween party in our village . That would be such a cute sight to watch ! Posted by It 's already almost nine o ' clock in the evening now and I 'm still here in the office trying to finish some tasks and overdue reports . Honestly , I feel so tired already . Not to mention my present condition now ( I 'm eight weeks pregnant , you see ) , anyone in my shoes right now would have packed her bag and rushed home to either to take care of her family or get that much needed dinner and rest . But yeah , it always seems that I have no other choice but to finish my work even if there is still tomorrow . I have an over - due report since last week which I need to submit to one of our big bosses . On the side , I think , " Who 's not a big boss in this office , anyway ? Why do they get my priorities crooked all the time ? ! " My boss and her family own the whole company ( which is worth billions of dollars ) , so it 's no joke to working here in this office . Many times , I wonder within myself if I should finally quit my present job , take up a PhD and start a career in teaching in the university . Way back in college , our teacher in Business asked us to do a Custom Essay about our plans 20 years from that time ( we were more or less 20 years old ) . It was a tough assignment that I even considered getting an Essay Writing Service . But no , this was too personal a paper to depend on a 3rd party to do it for me . I still clearly remember what I wrote in that particular paper . I said that at around 40 years old , after 20 years or so of successfully working in a big institution such as a bank , after studying and finishing a Masters degree in Business , get married to the man of my dreams , have good , intelligent and wonderful children and raise a happy family , I would be glad to avail of an early retirement and start to a new career as a professor in the academe . Yes , everything in that paper seems to be coming true except for the last part . I said that I wanted to go back to the academe and give back to the students what I have learned all those years in corporate life . I would probably teach business administration or something of that sort . I canVina I never knew the importance of having a good quality mailbox until I found my credit card billing statement torn opened and found in the middle of the street not so long ago . I still cringe at the thought that someone tried to meddle with my private mail . Since then , I had always been on a look out for the perfect mailbox . My search led me recently to a great online store that offers a vast selection of wonderful looking mailboxes for home and commercial use . Seattleluxe is there to bring not only security but added beauty to your home with their top quality mailbox merchandise . Upon seeing the site , I see a wide variety of choices . For me , form and beauty count as well as quality . Now I have found just the right type of mailbox that is perfect for our home - a wall - mounted mailbox that looks sturdy and classic - looking . This is kind of a delayed post ( since the activity already started ) . However , I would still like to share with you something interesting that you may want to attend . It 's a series of talk by Registered Nutritionist ( and my friend ) Che de Vega about grocerying , diet and healthy living . Just leave me a comment if you are interested to join me in the future talks . I was told too that after this set , the next activity would be a Home Management Course by Ms . Frannie Daez , the author of Keep it Together ( a home management book ) . I am sooo interested ! ! Do you want to be a winner ? If you know something about XML and DB2 , then maybe you would want to join the xml contest online and win lots of cool prices . Don 't know anything about XML but are interested to learn ? Well , you can still actually join other contests on their site . By joining , you can pick up a thing or two about XML and other applications that can be of big help to you especially if you are keen of making it in the IT industry someday . Some of my friends who are techie are so interested to get in this contest and have actually participated . XML is easy to learn , they say . So what are you waiting for ? Click on the links of the website www . xmlchallenge . com , sign in and be a WINNER . Posted by Since I am in the early stages of my second pregnancy , I 've stayed away from dusty places , perfume , mouth rinse , scented soaps , garlic , and other strong smelling - stuff . I avoid all these to prevent my stomach from getting sick and from probable allergies which I had experienced the last time . Due to this pregnancy too , I 've stayed away from my disorderly closet , book shelves , shoe cabinet , Zoe 's toys . . . in a word , from organizing . I prefer getting some sleep on weekend mid - mornings and resting in the bedroom . This baby is now more important than those stacks of clothes waiting to be put away , those envelope - full of papers and receipts needed to be filed , those toys waiting for me to organize . They would all have to wait when I am again able , strong and okay . Until then , the house will continue to function ( with the help of my family of course ) . Thank God for a " masipag " husband and reliable house - help ! Everybody already knows that the economy has never been this bad at least for the past ten years . I watch the latest news and feel really bad at the way the markets have turned and how it has been causing lay - offs , losses in investments and closing down of big companies . The fact is , those who were once high profile financial executives are now back to zero in their business . For my friends in marketing , I could only suggest to them not to lose hope . Although the cost of real estate properties has been slashed badly , there are still companies who can offer them Mortgage Leads through Voice Broadcasting that can result to deals and bottom - line sales . You only have to expand your market and look for the strategies that work . Posted by For the third time around , we again rented out our house to the producers from Channel 4 . I think the show now will be called Pangarap Kong Jackpot ( previously Count Your Blessings ) . The title 's like that because this is a show funded mainly by PCSO ata . Anyway , the main characters for this week - long episode are Dimples Romana and Baron Geisler . Oh di va ! I actually stopped myself from asking for a photo with the artistas . Besides , I couldn 't find the perfect timing . Anyway , just a short anecdote . . . I was watching them do a take from the living room and B . G . was holding a cig . I looked at him and when he saw me and greeted me with " Hello Ate " . Hehehe . Then he saw the suman that we have in the kitchen and asked me if we have Muscovado ( which we didn 't coz I gave away the Muscovado that I bought directly from Bacolod to my boss ) . I said " No , sorry ! " and he said " Ang sarap kasi ng itsura nung suman ninyo ( pointing at the plateful of suman on the table ) . " Hahaha . Yun lang . : - ) Surprisingly , the crew packed up earlier than before for which I was super glad . : - ) At least we needn 't lose sleep because of the taping at home . : - ) Anyway , we sometimes hear neighbors questioning our decision to allow these people to rent out our house for TV . They say that the money being paid to us is so small and it 's not worth the disturbance and the probable - damage that the crew may cause . Well , for us , it 's really no hassle . The TV crew are all very friendly . We even get to see artistas right in our very own living / bed room and get paid for it ( enough to pay for our monthly electric bill ) . So why not ? : - ) Posted by Well , well , well . What do ya ' know ? January 's almost over and I still haven 't blogged about my New Year 's resolution . Maybe it 's because I still haven 't taken it to heart up to now ( and I tend to forget lots of things anyway ) . DE - CLUTTER . That 's my resolution . It means : throwing out unnecessary papers - receipts , lists , stubs , tickets , and what - notfile those important papers IMMEDIATELY and not wait for all of it to pile up ( and get ready with all those labeled folders ) weed out clothes which have never been or seldom worn , don 't fit , damaged or are plain uglyuse only one calendar / notebook so no more sticky notesclean out bedroom cabinet which still has unopened presents and even wedding giftsget rid of left - overs in the fridge which have not been touched for a weekdeclutter office supplies ( I have too much of this really ) clean up the china cabinet fix baby 's toys sell or give away CDs and VCDs which are no longer wantedno to junk bags and junk drawers - - - just put them straight to where each one belongsA LOT OF HARD WORK AND PATIENCE Wish me luck ! I think the good thing about having a second baby is having a more familiar feeling about the whole pregnancy in general . As they say , " been there , done that " . In my case , I already know that this time , I need to be more vigilant and controlled in the diet aspect of my pregnancy lest I fall again into the trap of overeating , giving in to unhealthy foods and ending up gaining too much weight by the time I reach my full term . For this second pregnancy , my plan is to eat healthier . I want to erase my past mistake of not having a very healthy diet during the first time . So I plan to bring out our blender so that I can always have fresh and nutritious fruit drinks in the morning . I vow to make this ever - reliable home appliance my constant companion for the months ahead . I also would bring out our turbo broiler so I can have more broiled meat instead of fried . I will also eat lots of leafy green vegetables even if I don 't like it that much . And for the major thing , I want to give up eating junk food and drinking soft drink - - for this is my ultimate weakness . ( If you 're reading this Hunny , I hope you can help and support me on this ) . Believe me , I 'll do anything for this baby to be healthy , even if it takes a lot of temperance and self - mastery . So wish me luck ! Posted by Just reminiscing old pics of our previous travels to Iloilo . I was also a few weeks ' pregnant ( then with Zoe ) in these pictures . Looking forward to seeing Iloilo tomorrow . . . this time with Hunny , Zoe , and our new baby ( still in my womb ) . Last January 4 , we agreed to rent out again our humble home to the producers of Count Your Blessings ( airing daily , Monday to Friday , 5 : 00 p . m . at NBN Channel 4 ) . The episode which they were going to tape featured showbiz celebrities Sheree and Coco Martin . Sorry for not being updated but I never really heard about this guys prior to that day . So out of curiosity , I asked the others about their background . I heard from the neighbor that Sheree was part of Viva Hot Babes and that she has given birth already . In fairness , she 's friendly , sexy and pretty up close . I couldn 't believe that she 's already a mom ! I was afraid to ask her if she had undergone a tummy tuck for there seems to be no trace at all that she has been pregnant before , that is , compared to me who let my weight go up uncontrollably during and after my pregnancy . Anyway , if my job is to look sexy ( as in her case ) and if I had the resources ( which I don 't ) , I would gladly undergo a tummy tuck ! As for Coco Martin , he was also friendly and I could see that our two helpers were so ecstatic to see him in person . I heard that he has an acting award for a movie so I " googled " his name up and found pictures of him which were too sexy for me , so I stopped . Anyway , as before , part of our agreement with the director is not to use the house , especially the master 's bedroom , for scenes which are too sexy or too violent . My Dad specifically told us this . I think it 's good to point out this issue to the producer and the director . We said that we don 't want to be a contributor in spreading lewdness on TV . Instead , we only want to be part in sharing good moral lessons to the viewing public . Good thing the show Count Your Blessings is more or less okay . Leaving you with a picture : To continue my story from the last post , after breakfast , I had a sudden urge to go visit the weekend market in Makati after remembering the episode from Supermarket Chef of the Lifestyle Network Channel which we watched a couples of nights before . So even if there was a yummy lunch of Nilagang Baboy already prepared at home , my husband and I still decided to leave and catch whatever 's left before the market sellers packed away . Here are some pictures : We bought some vegetables , green mangoes ( ! ) , suman sa lihiya and other small things which I cannot remember anymore . For lunch , we contented ourselves with huge grilled hotdog sandwiches and a mango shake . After this mini - date , we headed to Glorietta to see what was on sale ( Zara and Mango were on sale but I didn 't have to urge to buy anything ) . We left empty - handed so we decided to go to our ever - favorite Conti 's in Serendra to buy Blueberry Cheese Cake ( my craving ) and some goodies which we will bring to party that we were supposed to attend . I super enjoyed this mini - field trip ! Thanks Hun . Posted by Last January 3 , I woke up very early so that I could go to Mass . After taking a bath and dressing up , I took a home pregnancy test to verify my suspicion . Actually , I knew deep inside that I was pregnant . I only needed a confirmation from a test . A few days before , I saw that I had some blood spots so I thought that my period was on the way . I actually almost cried at the thought that I 'm not pregnant . You see , we 've been hoping and praying for a blessing to come for the past how many months already . Anyway , when my period didn 't arrive on December 31 , I knew . I was so happy to see the two pink lines appear almost immediately . Pure bliss ! Since it was still too early to wake up my husband and baby who were both sleeping soundly , I left the HPT at the bathroom so that it would be easily seen by my husband when he gets up from bed . Then I headed off to go to Mass ( it was the first Saturday of the month ) . At mass , I couldn 't help but be emotional . I looked intensely at the Holy Eucharist being consecrated and I felt so happy , so grateful and so blessed . I texted my sister immediately after the mass because I couldn 't contain the joy that I was feeling . Anyway , I headed home after my thanksgiving after the mass and was welcomed by a BIG smile from my husband . I was sure he saw the HPT because he was already busy cooking up something special for breakfast . His first words were - - " two lines ! " It is a cause for a celebration ! He made us a creamy and cheesy egg omelet . It was delicious ! He added cream cheese , milk , cheddar cheese and some salt and pepper to the egg so it tasted so great ! That recipe in itself could be a subject for many of my House Everything 's and even my father 's textbooks ' Essay Examples . Actually , I find my husband 's cooking as a very interesting Essay Topic that I could go on and on talking and writing about it . I probably would even want to get a reputable group to send me a Custom Essay which features our favorite recipes and it would probably turn out to be the start of a nice novel like that ofVina Christmas Day is done and we 're still left with some ham from the feast . I wanted to make good use of the left - over ham , so when we had some friends coming over for dinner one time , I made Mac and Cheese for them . It was gastronomically sinful ( of course , I 'm a bit biased , hahaha ) . And then since I made a big bowl of this , there was still enough for next day 's lunch . Have you ever tasted any pasta that 's 2 or 3 days - old ? Well , in my opinion , it tastes even better because by that time , the pasta and the sauce have been mixed well together . Posted by Last Sunday , January 04 , 2009 , our family trooped all the way to Sta . Rosa , Laguna to attend the annual Christmas Party we have with our friends from way back . We got to know each other around 9 - 10 years ago when most of us were young , single and unattached . I was ( still is ) the youngest among the group and they all treated me like their young sister . This group consists of Pat , Fred , Owi , Tin - tin , Gina , Stella , Teng and myself . The other people who used to tag along but are now out of touch are Mandy , Hector , Pin and Dave . I still remember when we would go on out of town pilgrimages ( we still do actually ) and summer outings with our families . Our last get - together was during Pat and Fred 's daughter 's birthday party . Prior to that , we celebrated Christmas at Owi and Tin - tin 's brand new house in Merville . When before we were mostly single , many of us now are happily married with kids of our own . Pat and Fred already have two kids while Owi and Tin have 1 cute boy who is almost as old as our very own Zoe . Stella and Gina are still both very much single . All of these friends of ours are highly successful in their jobs . They are that successful that I could include their names as reference persons when I do my Resume Writing . Anyway , for this year , Pat and Fred hosted the Christmas Party at their newly - furnished home in Ayala Westgrove Heights . Their house is huge ! Zoe enjoyed every single minute playing with the other kids . We also enjoyed all the interesting stories of what happened to each one during the past year . One of the biggest news there is the decision of Pat to resign from her highly prestigious HR job in Ayala Group of Companies in order to be a full - time mother to her two kids , ages 7 and 4 . She was fortunate enough to avail of a special retirement package that gave her a huge amount of money that can cover the full payment of their house / lot and their new car plus also buy her enough time to be just at home until she decides what she wants to do next . I think she 's very lucky indeed ! Pat has climbed the corPosted by For New Year 's lunch , we decided to try out a new recipe which we saw on TV ( Supermarket Chef ) . We used this recipe plus incorporated the other version of the recipe that I found online . What about these recipes that fancied my husband ? BEER . Yup , the batter had beer in it . Tastes yummy . I 'm pasting here the Jamie Oliver 's version . FISH AND CHIPSRecipe courtesy Jamie Oliver IngredientsFor the chips : • 3 3 / 4 pints ( 2 liters ) vegetable oil • 2 pounds ( 950 grams ) floury potatoes , like russets , peeled and cut into large chipsFor the batter : • 1 cup plain flour • 1 cup beer • 2 egg whites , whipped to soft peaks • Salt • 4 ( 9 ounce / 250 gram ) fillets haddock or cod , skin on , and pin bonedDirectionsPour all the vegetable oil into a deep pan or deep fat fryer , and heat to 300 degrees F ( 160 degrees C . ) Blanch the cut potatoes in the oil until soft , but not colored , about 4 minutes . Remove and drain . Mix together the flour and the beer , then fold in the egg whites . Turn up the heat of the oil to 350 degrees F ( 180 degrees C ) . Dip the fish in the batter and fry for a few minutes with the chips until golden brown . Drain on kitchen paper and serve with bread and butter , wally 's ( battered , deep fried pickles served with ranch dressing ) , and pickled eggs . Before anything else , House Everything would like to greet you a very Happy New Year ! I know I 've lagged behind in my blogging for the past few days . Sorry dears ! I 'll just try my best to make up despite the bad internet connection at home . The past week has been so busy . We had lots and lots of partying , cooking , shopping , cleaning and organizing going around at home . With one more day left in our vacation ( which lasted a good 11 days , by the way ) , it is still far from over . We will still be going out of town tomorrow for a party with friends in Westgrove . Plus ( here 's the big thing ) , there will be another taping inside our house tomorrow . Yup , we have again agreed to rent out our house to the tv producers of Count Your Blessings for another shooting for one of their future episodes . We heard that Coco Martin and a Viva Hot Babe girl will be part of the main cast . Too bad we will only get a short glimpse of them since we are leaving right after lunch . Anyway , although I 'm glad to get extra money from this venture , I 'm also a bit worried because I know that the tv crew will be moving around much of our furniture . I really hope they don 't add more damage to our pitiful - looking living room furniture that is already old . If only we could buy a new living room set soon . We actually found some fantastic designs online that matches our mocha - colored walls and we 're looking forward to checking it soon . This will definitely be one of our top TO - BUY things for the house this 2009 . Posted by My 2 older kids both study now at PAREF . Luigi is now in Grade 1 while Zoe is in Grade 4 . How time flies ! Both schools also recently celebrated Filipino W . . .
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Pat sent me this cute blogger meme . Thanks Pat ! 1 . Each blogger must post these rules . 2 . Each blogger starts with ten random facts / habits about themselves . 3 . Bloggers that are tagged need to write ten facts about themselves . You need to choose ten people to tag and list their names . Here are my ten random facts / habits : 1 . I 'm a certified lefty . I was just reminded of this when I heard that Obama is a lefty too . 2 . I still have a cabinet - full of clothes which no longer fit ( wishing that someday , I 'll lose enough weight to start wearing them again ) . 3 . I really don 't go for chunky fashion jewelry . I prefer real classic gold jewelries . 4 . I used to know a bit of piano but lost interest because my teacher ( Mrs . Zummel ) was " amoy - lupa na " and I hated it ! Hahaha ! 5 . I have yet to find ' the ' hairdresser to give me that perfect cut . 6 . I 've been super grouchy lately . Bleh ~ bleh ~ bleh ~ 7 . One time , I cried when I saw our electric bill . Long story . 8 . I 'm a lousy bag - owner . Maybe that 's why my husband would probably never give me a bag that 's worth more than 10k . 9 . I love to read but I seem to have not found enough time to read . I 'd rather sleep really . 10 . I think that I love to eat more than I love to cook . I also like drinking occasionally but not often enough to undergo alcohol detox . Passing this meme to Iris , Jown and Alpha . Since I 've been on the edge because of my present condition , I looked for some natural remedies for my VOMITING AND NAUSEA : Sucking a piece of ice controls vomiting . Eat 1 / 2 tsp . ground cumin seeds . Cinnamon and sliced ginger work by interrupting nausea signals sent from the stomach to the brain . If you are an herbal tea drinker , simply sprinkle cinnamon on the tea and drink . To make ginger tea , simmer a few slices of ginger in hot tea water . Ai also gave me some helpful tips regarding this . Thanks Ai ! I hope it works ! Posted by I was just on the phone with my cousin who is 15 years old . He just called in to ask if he can drink the Coke in the refrigerator and if he can play the computer this afternoon . I immediately answered ' yes ' regarding the Coke but hesitated if I should allow him to play the computer . You see , this boy 's very addicted to online games that he even goes out of his way to know about call of duty cheats . He really should be banned from playing the computer on weekdays but I still have to learn to put my foot forward to take him out from his addiction . As I am looking for a nice name for baby # 2 , I stumbled into this page about celebrities ' real names . I really chuckled upon knowing that Caryn Elaine Johnson is actually Whoopi Goldberg and that Stanley Kirk Burrell is ( MC ) Hammer . Among the real names , I really liked Laura Jean Reese Witherspoon ( Reese Witherspoon ) . I would have preferred Susan Alexandra Weaver over Sigourney Weaver . I also like Robert James Ritchie better than his celebrity name as Kid Rock . But of course , I think I 'm more traditional and really their celebrity names sound more interesting . By the way , did you know that Aliaune Damala Bouga Time Puru Nacka Lu Lu Lu Badara Akon Thiam is now known simply as Akon ? Hmmm . I think I better think twice before giving a mouthful of names to my child . He / She might want to change it when he / she becomes famous ! Posted by On the topic of car hunting , I just sent my husband a copy of the repossessed cars that are up for sale in our sister company . You see , we regularly receive notices on the recently repossessed vehicles of the bank . There is a variety of car brands that you can chose from . And if you 're lucky you can catch a good deal on a New Ford or any car of your choice . Just last night , my husband and I decided to move ( read : sleep ) into my parents ' room from our original room in the attic . The room has been vacant since my Dad decided to re - marry and move to Batangas . And as you see , with my new pregnancy , we realized that we needed a bigger bed for us . Since my Dad 's bed is a king - size while our is a mere double bed , transfering to my parents ' room would really be the right thing to do ( plus there are less steps going up ) . Later on , when Zoe ( and baby # 2 ) will be a bit older and more independent , they can have our room in the attic . And as they progress to be students , our plan is to convert what is currently Zoe 's playroom in the attic into a study room cum library that is ideal for study . I don 't quite remember where I got this photo but this is more or less the design that I like . I find this such a perfect - fit for our attic space . I just thought of posting this so I won 't lose the idea . Posted by On the way to work today , my husband and I had a very interesting discussion about cars . You see , lately , I 've been fancying on selling our Toyota Corolla and buying a new one that 's would fit better our family 's needs . I actually told him that I had my mind set on either getting a Honda CRV , a BYD E6 Electric Car or any dependable SUV . But of course , we just cannot plunge and buy anything without studying the practicality and financial aspects of buying a new car . Aside from the price and reputation , what would matter to me also are the engine quality and size . In view of this , my husband suggested that we make a visit to some car dealers one time in order for us to have a more concrete idea of what we really want to buy . Of course , we also need to look at how our finances are doing and think if it is really practical to buy a new car at this point . With the economy going bad , it is sometimes scary to invest on depreciating goods such as a car . Do you agree ? Is it the right time to buy a car now during these hard times ? Your thoughts are very much welcome . Posted by I found this scanned picture of my parents as I was looking for some personal files . In this picture , they were both in their early 20s , very much in love and ready to take on the world . Looking at it makes me feel like crying . Advance happy birthday Nanay ! You would have been 62 years old this Sunday . I love you , I miss you and I know you 're watching over me all the time . : - ) I just realized now that by the time I give birth this year , it will be just a few weeks away from Halloween . Well , it 's never too early to plan , right ? I would probably be too busy by then to buy a costume for Zoe and for little one . So today , I looked through the internet for nice Halloween costumes for the kids . I definitely want them to look cutesy and huggable ! Maybe the whole family could even go in coordinating outfits like a set of Caveman costume like a Tarzan and Jane outfit or something like a his and hers costume for the kids ( if our second baby would be a boy ) . I looked through a collection of nice stuff for babies and found these really nice items for baby # 2 . If the baby will be a boy ( here 's just some wishful thinking on my part ) , I would love to buy this bell pepper bunting or this baseball outfit . I 'm pretty sure my husband would like to see his infant son inside a nice baseball jersey for babies since my husband is very much a baseball fan himself . I could just imagine father and son donning matching baseball outfits during the annual Halloween party in our village . That would be such a cute sight to watch ! Posted by It 's already almost nine o ' clock in the evening now and I 'm still here in the office trying to finish some tasks and overdue reports . Honestly , I feel so tired already . Not to mention my present condition now ( I 'm eight weeks pregnant , you see ) , anyone in my shoes right now would have packed her bag and rushed home to either to take care of her family or get that much needed dinner and rest . But yeah , it always seems that I have no other choice but to finish my work even if there is still tomorrow . I have an over - due report since last week which I need to submit to one of our big bosses . On the side , I think , " Who 's not a big boss in this office , anyway ? Why do they get my priorities crooked all the time ? ! " My boss and her family own the whole company ( which is worth billions of dollars ) , so it 's no joke to working here in this office . Many times , I wonder within myself if I should finally quit my present job , take up a PhD and start a career in teaching in the university . Way back in college , our teacher in Business asked us to do a Custom Essay about our plans 20 years from that time ( we were more or less 20 years old ) . It was a tough assignment that I even considered getting an Essay Writing Service . But no , this was too personal a paper to depend on a 3rd party to do it for me . I still clearly remember what I wrote in that particular paper . I said that at around 40 years old , after 20 years or so of successfully working in a big institution such as a bank , after studying and finishing a Masters degree in Business , get married to the man of my dreams , have good , intelligent and wonderful children and raise a happy family , I would be glad to avail of an early retirement and start to a new career as a professor in the academe . Yes , everything in that paper seems to be coming true except for the last part . I said that I wanted to go back to the academe and give back to the students what I have learned all those years in corporate life . I would probably teach business administration or something of that sort . I canVina I never knew the importance of having a good quality mailbox until I found my credit card billing statement torn opened and found in the middle of the street not so long ago . I still cringe at the thought that someone tried to meddle with my private mail . Since then , I had always been on a look out for the perfect mailbox . My search led me recently to a great online store that offers a vast selection of wonderful looking mailboxes for home and commercial use . Seattleluxe is there to bring not only security but added beauty to your home with their top quality mailbox merchandise . Upon seeing the site , I see a wide variety of choices . For me , form and beauty count as well as quality . Now I have found just the right type of mailbox that is perfect for our home - a wall - mounted mailbox that looks sturdy and classic - looking . This is kind of a delayed post ( since the activity already started ) . However , I would still like to share with you something interesting that you may want to attend . It 's a series of talk by Registered Nutritionist ( and my friend ) Che de Vega about grocerying , diet and healthy living . Just leave me a comment if you are interested to join me in the future talks . I was told too that after this set , the next activity would be a Home Management Course by Ms . Frannie Daez , the author of Keep it Together ( a home management book ) . I am sooo interested ! ! Do you want to be a winner ? If you know something about XML and DB2 , then maybe you would want to join the xml contest online and win lots of cool prices . Don 't know anything about XML but are interested to learn ? Well , you can still actually join other contests on their site . By joining , you can pick up a thing or two about XML and other applications that can be of big help to you especially if you are keen of making it in the IT industry someday . Some of my friends who are techie are so interested to get in this contest and have actually participated . XML is easy to learn , they say . So what are you waiting for ? Click on the links of the website www . xmlchallenge . com , sign in and be a WINNER . Posted by Since I am in the early stages of my second pregnancy , I 've stayed away from dusty places , perfume , mouth rinse , scented soaps , garlic , and other strong smelling - stuff . I avoid all these to prevent my stomach from getting sick and from probable allergies which I had experienced the last time . Due to this pregnancy too , I 've stayed away from my disorderly closet , book shelves , shoe cabinet , Zoe 's toys . . . in a word , from organizing . I prefer getting some sleep on weekend mid - mornings and resting in the bedroom . This baby is now more important than those stacks of clothes waiting to be put away , those envelope - full of papers and receipts needed to be filed , those toys waiting for me to organize . They would all have to wait when I am again able , strong and okay . Until then , the house will continue to function ( with the help of my family of course ) . Thank God for a " masipag " husband and reliable house - help ! Everybody already knows that the economy has never been this bad at least for the past ten years . I watch the latest news and feel really bad at the way the markets have turned and how it has been causing lay - offs , losses in investments and closing down of big companies . The fact is , those who were once high profile financial executives are now back to zero in their business . For my friends in marketing , I could only suggest to them not to lose hope . Although the cost of real estate properties has been slashed badly , there are still companies who can offer them Mortgage Leads through Voice Broadcasting that can result to deals and bottom - line sales . You only have to expand your market and look for the strategies that work . Posted by For the third time around , we again rented out our house to the producers from Channel 4 . I think the show now will be called Pangarap Kong Jackpot ( previously Count Your Blessings ) . The title 's like that because this is a show funded mainly by PCSO ata . Anyway , the main characters for this week - long episode are Dimples Romana and Baron Geisler . Oh di va ! I actually stopped myself from asking for a photo with the artistas . Besides , I couldn 't find the perfect timing . Anyway , just a short anecdote . . . I was watching them do a take from the living room and B . G . was holding a cig . I looked at him and when he saw me and greeted me with " Hello Ate " . Hehehe . Then he saw the suman that we have in the kitchen and asked me if we have Muscovado ( which we didn 't coz I gave away the Muscovado that I bought directly from Bacolod to my boss ) . I said " No , sorry ! " and he said " Ang sarap kasi ng itsura nung suman ninyo ( pointing at the plateful of suman on the table ) . " Hahaha . Yun lang . : - ) Surprisingly , the crew packed up earlier than before for which I was super glad . : - ) At least we needn 't lose sleep because of the taping at home . : - ) Anyway , we sometimes hear neighbors questioning our decision to allow these people to rent out our house for TV . They say that the money being paid to us is so small and it 's not worth the disturbance and the probable - damage that the crew may cause . Well , for us , it 's really no hassle . The TV crew are all very friendly . We even get to see artistas right in our very own living / bed room and get paid for it ( enough to pay for our monthly electric bill ) . So why not ? : - ) Posted by Well , well , well . What do ya ' know ? January 's almost over and I still haven 't blogged about my New Year 's resolution . Maybe it 's because I still haven 't taken it to heart up to now ( and I tend to forget lots of things anyway ) . DE - CLUTTER . That 's my resolution . It means : throwing out unnecessary papers - receipts , lists , stubs , tickets , and what - notfile those important papers IMMEDIATELY and not wait for all of it to pile up ( and get ready with all those labeled folders ) weed out clothes which have never been or seldom worn , don 't fit , damaged or are plain uglyuse only one calendar / notebook so no more sticky notesclean out bedroom cabinet which still has unopened presents and even wedding giftsget rid of left - overs in the fridge which have not been touched for a weekdeclutter office supplies ( I have too much of this really ) clean up the china cabinet fix baby 's toys sell or give away CDs and VCDs which are no longer wantedno to junk bags and junk drawers - - - just put them straight to where each one belongsA LOT OF HARD WORK AND PATIENCE Wish me luck ! I think the good thing about having a second baby is having a more familiar feeling about the whole pregnancy in general . As they say , " been there , done that " . In my case , I already know that this time , I need to be more vigilant and controlled in the diet aspect of my pregnancy lest I fall again into the trap of overeating , giving in to unhealthy foods and ending up gaining too much weight by the time I reach my full term . For this second pregnancy , my plan is to eat healthier . I want to erase my past mistake of not having a very healthy diet during the first time . So I plan to bring out our blender so that I can always have fresh and nutritious fruit drinks in the morning . I vow to make this ever - reliable home appliance my constant companion for the months ahead . I also would bring out our turbo broiler so I can have more broiled meat instead of fried . I will also eat lots of leafy green vegetables even if I don 't like it that much . And for the major thing , I want to give up eating junk food and drinking soft drink - - for this is my ultimate weakness . ( If you 're reading this Hunny , I hope you can help and support me on this ) . Believe me , I 'll do anything for this baby to be healthy , even if it takes a lot of temperance and self - mastery . So wish me luck ! Posted by Just reminiscing old pics of our previous travels to Iloilo . I was also a few weeks ' pregnant ( then with Zoe ) in these pictures . Looking forward to seeing Iloilo tomorrow . . . this time with Hunny , Zoe , and our new baby ( still in my womb ) . Last January 4 , we agreed to rent out again our humble home to the producers of Count Your Blessings ( airing daily , Monday to Friday , 5 : 00 p . m . at NBN Channel 4 ) . The episode which they were going to tape featured showbiz celebrities Sheree and Coco Martin . Sorry for not being updated but I never really heard about this guys prior to that day . So out of curiosity , I asked the others about their background . I heard from the neighbor that Sheree was part of Viva Hot Babes and that she has given birth already . In fairness , she 's friendly , sexy and pretty up close . I couldn 't believe that she 's already a mom ! I was afraid to ask her if she had undergone a tummy tuck for there seems to be no trace at all that she has been pregnant before , that is , compared to me who let my weight go up uncontrollably during and after my pregnancy . Anyway , if my job is to look sexy ( as in her case ) and if I had the resources ( which I don 't ) , I would gladly undergo a tummy tuck ! As for Coco Martin , he was also friendly and I could see that our two helpers were so ecstatic to see him in person . I heard that he has an acting award for a movie so I " googled " his name up and found pictures of him which were too sexy for me , so I stopped . Anyway , as before , part of our agreement with the director is not to use the house , especially the master 's bedroom , for scenes which are too sexy or too violent . My Dad specifically told us this . I think it 's good to point out this issue to the producer and the director . We said that we don 't want to be a contributor in spreading lewdness on TV . Instead , we only want to be part in sharing good moral lessons to the viewing public . Good thing the show Count Your Blessings is more or less okay . Leaving you with a picture : To continue my story from the last post , after breakfast , I had a sudden urge to go visit the weekend market in Makati after remembering the episode from Supermarket Chef of the Lifestyle Network Channel which we watched a couples of nights before . So even if there was a yummy lunch of Nilagang Baboy already prepared at home , my husband and I still decided to leave and catch whatever 's left before the market sellers packed away . Here are some pictures : We bought some vegetables , green mangoes ( ! ) , suman sa lihiya and other small things which I cannot remember anymore . For lunch , we contented ourselves with huge grilled hotdog sandwiches and a mango shake . After this mini - date , we headed to Glorietta to see what was on sale ( Zara and Mango were on sale but I didn 't have to urge to buy anything ) . We left empty - handed so we decided to go to our ever - favorite Conti 's in Serendra to buy Blueberry Cheese Cake ( my craving ) and some goodies which we will bring to party that we were supposed to attend . I super enjoyed this mini - field trip ! Thanks Hun . Posted by Last January 3 , I woke up very early so that I could go to Mass . After taking a bath and dressing up , I took a home pregnancy test to verify my suspicion . Actually , I knew deep inside that I was pregnant . I only needed a confirmation from a test . A few days before , I saw that I had some blood spots so I thought that my period was on the way . I actually almost cried at the thought that I 'm not pregnant . You see , we 've been hoping and praying for a blessing to come for the past how many months already . Anyway , when my period didn 't arrive on December 31 , I knew . I was so happy to see the two pink lines appear almost immediately . Pure bliss ! Since it was still too early to wake up my husband and baby who were both sleeping soundly , I left the HPT at the bathroom so that it would be easily seen by my husband when he gets up from bed . Then I headed off to go to Mass ( it was the first Saturday of the month ) . At mass , I couldn 't help but be emotional . I looked intensely at the Holy Eucharist being consecrated and I felt so happy , so grateful and so blessed . I texted my sister immediately after the mass because I couldn 't contain the joy that I was feeling . Anyway , I headed home after my thanksgiving after the mass and was welcomed by a BIG smile from my husband . I was sure he saw the HPT because he was already busy cooking up something special for breakfast . His first words were - - " two lines ! " It is a cause for a celebration ! He made us a creamy and cheesy egg omelet . It was delicious ! He added cream cheese , milk , cheddar cheese and some salt and pepper to the egg so it tasted so great ! That recipe in itself could be a subject for many of my House Everything 's and even my father 's textbooks ' Essay Examples . Actually , I find my husband 's cooking as a very interesting Essay Topic that I could go on and on talking and writing about it . I probably would even want to get a reputable group to send me a Custom Essay which features our favorite recipes and it would probably turn out to be the start of a nice novel like that ofVina Christmas Day is done and we 're still left with some ham from the feast . I wanted to make good use of the left - over ham , so when we had some friends coming over for dinner one time , I made Mac and Cheese for them . It was gastronomically sinful ( of course , I 'm a bit biased , hahaha ) . And then since I made a big bowl of this , there was still enough for next day 's lunch . Have you ever tasted any pasta that 's 2 or 3 days - old ? Well , in my opinion , it tastes even better because by that time , the pasta and the sauce have been mixed well together . Posted by Last Sunday , January 04 , 2009 , our family trooped all the way to Sta . Rosa , Laguna to attend the annual Christmas Party we have with our friends from way back . We got to know each other around 9 - 10 years ago when most of us were young , single and unattached . I was ( still is ) the youngest among the group and they all treated me like their young sister . This group consists of Pat , Fred , Owi , Tin - tin , Gina , Stella , Teng and myself . The other people who used to tag along but are now out of touch are Mandy , Hector , Pin and Dave . I still remember when we would go on out of town pilgrimages ( we still do actually ) and summer outings with our families . Our last get - together was during Pat and Fred 's daughter 's birthday party . Prior to that , we celebrated Christmas at Owi and Tin - tin 's brand new house in Merville . When before we were mostly single , many of us now are happily married with kids of our own . Pat and Fred already have two kids while Owi and Tin have 1 cute boy who is almost as old as our very own Zoe . Stella and Gina are still both very much single . All of these friends of ours are highly successful in their jobs . They are that successful that I could include their names as reference persons when I do my Resume Writing . Anyway , for this year , Pat and Fred hosted the Christmas Party at their newly - furnished home in Ayala Westgrove Heights . Their house is huge ! Zoe enjoyed every single minute playing with the other kids . We also enjoyed all the interesting stories of what happened to each one during the past year . One of the biggest news there is the decision of Pat to resign from her highly prestigious HR job in Ayala Group of Companies in order to be a full - time mother to her two kids , ages 7 and 4 . She was fortunate enough to avail of a special retirement package that gave her a huge amount of money that can cover the full payment of their house / lot and their new car plus also buy her enough time to be just at home until she decides what she wants to do next . I think she 's very lucky indeed ! Pat has climbed the corPosted by For New Year 's lunch , we decided to try out a new recipe which we saw on TV ( Supermarket Chef ) . We used this recipe plus incorporated the other version of the recipe that I found online . What about these recipes that fancied my husband ? BEER . Yup , the batter had beer in it . Tastes yummy . I 'm pasting here the Jamie Oliver 's version . FISH AND CHIPSRecipe courtesy Jamie Oliver IngredientsFor the chips : • 3 3 / 4 pints ( 2 liters ) vegetable oil • 2 pounds ( 950 grams ) floury potatoes , like russets , peeled and cut into large chipsFor the batter : • 1 cup plain flour • 1 cup beer • 2 egg whites , whipped to soft peaks • Salt • 4 ( 9 ounce / 250 gram ) fillets haddock or cod , skin on , and pin bonedDirectionsPour all the vegetable oil into a deep pan or deep fat fryer , and heat to 300 degrees F ( 160 degrees C . ) Blanch the cut potatoes in the oil until soft , but not colored , about 4 minutes . Remove and drain . Mix together the flour and the beer , then fold in the egg whites . Turn up the heat of the oil to 350 degrees F ( 180 degrees C ) . Dip the fish in the batter and fry for a few minutes with the chips until golden brown . Drain on kitchen paper and serve with bread and butter , wally 's ( battered , deep fried pickles served with ranch dressing ) , and pickled eggs . Before anything else , House Everything would like to greet you a very Happy New Year ! I know I 've lagged behind in my blogging for the past few days . Sorry dears ! I 'll just try my best to make up despite the bad internet connection at home . The past week has been so busy . We had lots and lots of partying , cooking , shopping , cleaning and organizing going around at home . With one more day left in our vacation ( which lasted a good 11 days , by the way ) , it is still far from over . We will still be going out of town tomorrow for a party with friends in Westgrove . Plus ( here 's the big thing ) , there will be another taping inside our house tomorrow . Yup , we have again agreed to rent out our house to the tv producers of Count Your Blessings for another shooting for one of their future episodes . We heard that Coco Martin and a Viva Hot Babe girl will be part of the main cast . Too bad we will only get a short glimpse of them since we are leaving right after lunch . Anyway , although I 'm glad to get extra money from this venture , I 'm also a bit worried because I know that the tv crew will be moving around much of our furniture . I really hope they don 't add more damage to our pitiful - looking living room furniture that is already old . If only we could buy a new living room set soon . We actually found some fantastic designs online that matches our mocha - colored walls and we 're looking forward to checking it soon . This will definitely be one of our top TO - BUY things for the house this 2009 . Posted by My 2 older kids both study now at PAREF . Luigi is now in Grade 1 while Zoe is in Grade 4 . How time flies ! Both schools also recently celebrated Filipino W . . .
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Pat sent me this cute blogger meme . Thanks Pat ! 1 . Each blogger must post these rules . 2 . Each blogger starts with ten random facts / habits about themselves . 3 . Bloggers that are tagged need to write ten facts about themselves . You need to choose ten people to tag and list their names . Here are my ten random facts / habits : 1 . I 'm a certified lefty . I was just reminded of this when I heard that Obama is a lefty too . 2 . I still have a cabinet - full of clothes which no longer fit ( wishing that someday , I 'll lose enough weight to start wearing them again ) . 3 . I really don 't go for chunky fashion jewelry . I prefer real classic gold jewelries . 4 . I used to know a bit of piano but lost interest because my teacher ( Mrs . Zummel ) was " amoy - lupa na " and I hated it ! Hahaha ! 5 . I have yet to find ' the ' hairdresser to give me that perfect cut . 6 . I 've been super grouchy lately . Bleh ~ bleh ~ bleh ~ 7 . One time , I cried when I saw our electric bill . Long story . 8 . I 'm a lousy bag - owner . Maybe that 's why my husband would probably never give me a bag that 's worth more than 10k . 9 . I love to read but I seem to have not found enough time to read . I 'd rather sleep really . 10 . I think that I love to eat more than I love to cook . I also like drinking occasionally but not often enough to undergo alcohol detox . Passing this meme to Iris , Jown and Alpha . Since I 've been on the edge because of my present condition , I looked for some natural remedies for my VOMITING AND NAUSEA : Sucking a piece of ice controls vomiting . Eat 1 / 2 tsp . ground cumin seeds . Cinnamon and sliced ginger work by interrupting nausea signals sent from the stomach to the brain . If you are an herbal tea drinker , simply sprinkle cinnamon on the tea and drink . To make ginger tea , simmer a few slices of ginger in hot tea water . Ai also gave me some helpful tips regarding this . Thanks Ai ! I hope it works ! Posted by I was just on the phone with my cousin who is 15 years old . He just called in to ask if he can drink the Coke in the refrigerator and if he can play the computer this afternoon . I immediately answered ' yes ' regarding the Coke but hesitated if I should allow him to play the computer . You see , this boy 's very addicted to online games that he even goes out of his way to know about call of duty cheats . He really should be banned from playing the computer on weekdays but I still have to learn to put my foot forward to take him out from his addiction . As I am looking for a nice name for baby # 2 , I stumbled into this page about celebrities ' real names . I really chuckled upon knowing that Caryn Elaine Johnson is actually Whoopi Goldberg and that Stanley Kirk Burrell is ( MC ) Hammer . Among the real names , I really liked Laura Jean Reese Witherspoon ( Reese Witherspoon ) . I would have preferred Susan Alexandra Weaver over Sigourney Weaver . I also like Robert James Ritchie better than his celebrity name as Kid Rock . But of course , I think I 'm more traditional and really their celebrity names sound more interesting . By the way , did you know that Aliaune Damala Bouga Time Puru Nacka Lu Lu Lu Badara Akon Thiam is now known simply as Akon ? Hmmm . I think I better think twice before giving a mouthful of names to my child . He / She might want to change it when he / she becomes famous ! Posted by On the topic of car hunting , I just sent my husband a copy of the repossessed cars that are up for sale in our sister company . You see , we regularly receive notices on the recently repossessed vehicles of the bank . There is a variety of car brands that you can chose from . And if you 're lucky you can catch a good deal on a New Ford or any car of your choice . Just last night , my husband and I decided to move ( read : sleep ) into my parents ' room from our original room in the attic . The room has been vacant since my Dad decided to re - marry and move to Batangas . And as you see , with my new pregnancy , we realized that we needed a bigger bed for us . Since my Dad 's bed is a king - size while our is a mere double bed , transfering to my parents ' room would really be the right thing to do ( plus there are less steps going up ) . Later on , when Zoe ( and baby # 2 ) will be a bit older and more independent , they can have our room in the attic . And as they progress to be students , our plan is to convert what is currently Zoe 's playroom in the attic into a study room cum library that is ideal for study . I don 't quite remember where I got this photo but this is more or less the design that I like . I find this such a perfect - fit for our attic space . I just thought of posting this so I won 't lose the idea . Posted by On the way to work today , my husband and I had a very interesting discussion about cars . You see , lately , I 've been fancying on selling our Toyota Corolla and buying a new one that 's would fit better our family 's needs . I actually told him that I had my mind set on either getting a Honda CRV , a BYD E6 Electric Car or any dependable SUV . But of course , we just cannot plunge and buy anything without studying the practicality and financial aspects of buying a new car . Aside from the price and reputation , what would matter to me also are the engine quality and size . In view of this , my husband suggested that we make a visit to some car dealers one time in order for us to have a more concrete idea of what we really want to buy . Of course , we also need to look at how our finances are doing and think if it is really practical to buy a new car at this point . With the economy going bad , it is sometimes scary to invest on depreciating goods such as a car . Do you agree ? Is it the right time to buy a car now during these hard times ? Your thoughts are very much welcome . Posted by I found this scanned picture of my parents as I was looking for some personal files . In this picture , they were both in their early 20s , very much in love and ready to take on the world . Looking at it makes me feel like crying . Advance happy birthday Nanay ! You would have been 62 years old this Sunday . I love you , I miss you and I know you 're watching over me all the time . : - ) I just realized now that by the time I give birth this year , it will be just a few weeks away from Halloween . Well , it 's never too early to plan , right ? I would probably be too busy by then to buy a costume for Zoe and for little one . So today , I looked through the internet for nice Halloween costumes for the kids . I definitely want them to look cutesy and huggable ! Maybe the whole family could even go in coordinating outfits like a set of Caveman costume like a Tarzan and Jane outfit or something like a his and hers costume for the kids ( if our second baby would be a boy ) . I looked through a collection of nice stuff for babies and found these really nice items for baby # 2 . If the baby will be a boy ( here 's just some wishful thinking on my part ) , I would love to buy this bell pepper bunting or this baseball outfit . I 'm pretty sure my husband would like to see his infant son inside a nice baseball jersey for babies since my husband is very much a baseball fan himself . I could just imagine father and son donning matching baseball outfits during the annual Halloween party in our village . That would be such a cute sight to watch ! Posted by It 's already almost nine o ' clock in the evening now and I 'm still here in the office trying to finish some tasks and overdue reports . Honestly , I feel so tired already . Not to mention my present condition now ( I 'm eight weeks pregnant , you see ) , anyone in my shoes right now would have packed her bag and rushed home to either to take care of her family or get that much needed dinner and rest . But yeah , it always seems that I have no other choice but to finish my work even if there is still tomorrow . I have an over - due report since last week which I need to submit to one of our big bosses . On the side , I think , " Who 's not a big boss in this office , anyway ? Why do they get my priorities crooked all the time ? ! " My boss and her family own the whole company ( which is worth billions of dollars ) , so it 's no joke to working here in this office . Many times , I wonder within myself if I should finally quit my present job , take up a PhD and start a career in teaching in the university . Way back in college , our teacher in Business asked us to do a Custom Essay about our plans 20 years from that time ( we were more or less 20 years old ) . It was a tough assignment that I even considered getting an Essay Writing Service . But no , this was too personal a paper to depend on a 3rd party to do it for me . I still clearly remember what I wrote in that particular paper . I said that at around 40 years old , after 20 years or so of successfully working in a big institution such as a bank , after studying and finishing a Masters degree in Business , get married to the man of my dreams , have good , intelligent and wonderful children and raise a happy family , I would be glad to avail of an early retirement and start to a new career as a professor in the academe . Yes , everything in that paper seems to be coming true except for the last part . I said that I wanted to go back to the academe and give back to the students what I have learned all those years in corporate life . I would probably teach business administration or something of that sort . I canVina I never knew the importance of having a good quality mailbox until I found my credit card billing statement torn opened and found in the middle of the street not so long ago . I still cringe at the thought that someone tried to meddle with my private mail . Since then , I had always been on a look out for the perfect mailbox . My search led me recently to a great online store that offers a vast selection of wonderful looking mailboxes for home and commercial use . Seattleluxe is there to bring not only security but added beauty to your home with their top quality mailbox merchandise . Upon seeing the site , I see a wide variety of choices . For me , form and beauty count as well as quality . Now I have found just the right type of mailbox that is perfect for our home - a wall - mounted mailbox that looks sturdy and classic - looking . This is kind of a delayed post ( since the activity already started ) . However , I would still like to share with you something interesting that you may want to attend . It 's a series of talk by Registered Nutritionist ( and my friend ) Che de Vega about grocerying , diet and healthy living . Just leave me a comment if you are interested to join me in the future talks . I was told too that after this set , the next activity would be a Home Management Course by Ms . Frannie Daez , the author of Keep it Together ( a home management book ) . I am sooo interested ! ! Do you want to be a winner ? If you know something about XML and DB2 , then maybe you would want to join the xml contest online and win lots of cool prices . Don 't know anything about XML but are interested to learn ? Well , you can still actually join other contests on their site . By joining , you can pick up a thing or two about XML and other applications that can be of big help to you especially if you are keen of making it in the IT industry someday . Some of my friends who are techie are so interested to get in this contest and have actually participated . XML is easy to learn , they say . So what are you waiting for ? Click on the links of the website www . xmlchallenge . com , sign in and be a WINNER . Posted by Since I am in the early stages of my second pregnancy , I 've stayed away from dusty places , perfume , mouth rinse , scented soaps , garlic , and other strong smelling - stuff . I avoid all these to prevent my stomach from getting sick and from probable allergies which I had experienced the last time . Due to this pregnancy too , I 've stayed away from my disorderly closet , book shelves , shoe cabinet , Zoe 's toys . . . in a word , from organizing . I prefer getting some sleep on weekend mid - mornings and resting in the bedroom . This baby is now more important than those stacks of clothes waiting to be put away , those envelope - full of papers and receipts needed to be filed , those toys waiting for me to organize . They would all have to wait when I am again able , strong and okay . Until then , the house will continue to function ( with the help of my family of course ) . Thank God for a " masipag " husband and reliable house - help ! Everybody already knows that the economy has never been this bad at least for the past ten years . I watch the latest news and feel really bad at the way the markets have turned and how it has been causing lay - offs , losses in investments and closing down of big companies . The fact is , those who were once high profile financial executives are now back to zero in their business . For my friends in marketing , I could only suggest to them not to lose hope . Although the cost of real estate properties has been slashed badly , there are still companies who can offer them Mortgage Leads through Voice Broadcasting that can result to deals and bottom - line sales . You only have to expand your market and look for the strategies that work . Posted by For the third time around , we again rented out our house to the producers from Channel 4 . I think the show now will be called Pangarap Kong Jackpot ( previously Count Your Blessings ) . The title 's like that because this is a show funded mainly by PCSO ata . Anyway , the main characters for this week - long episode are Dimples Romana and Baron Geisler . Oh di va ! I actually stopped myself from asking for a photo with the artistas . Besides , I couldn 't find the perfect timing . Anyway , just a short anecdote . . . I was watching them do a take from the living room and B . G . was holding a cig . I looked at him and when he saw me and greeted me with " Hello Ate " . Hehehe . Then he saw the suman that we have in the kitchen and asked me if we have Muscovado ( which we didn 't coz I gave away the Muscovado that I bought directly from Bacolod to my boss ) . I said " No , sorry ! " and he said " Ang sarap kasi ng itsura nung suman ninyo ( pointing at the plateful of suman on the table ) . " Hahaha . Yun lang . : - ) Surprisingly , the crew packed up earlier than before for which I was super glad . : - ) At least we needn 't lose sleep because of the taping at home . : - ) Anyway , we sometimes hear neighbors questioning our decision to allow these people to rent out our house for TV . They say that the money being paid to us is so small and it 's not worth the disturbance and the probable - damage that the crew may cause . Well , for us , it 's really no hassle . The TV crew are all very friendly . We even get to see artistas right in our very own living / bed room and get paid for it ( enough to pay for our monthly electric bill ) . So why not ? : - ) Posted by Well , well , well . What do ya ' know ? January 's almost over and I still haven 't blogged about my New Year 's resolution . Maybe it 's because I still haven 't taken it to heart up to now ( and I tend to forget lots of things anyway ) . DE - CLUTTER . That 's my resolution . It means : throwing out unnecessary papers - receipts , lists , stubs , tickets , and what - notfile those important papers IMMEDIATELY and not wait for all of it to pile up ( and get ready with all those labeled folders ) weed out clothes which have never been or seldom worn , don 't fit , damaged or are plain uglyuse only one calendar / notebook so no more sticky notesclean out bedroom cabinet which still has unopened presents and even wedding giftsget rid of left - overs in the fridge which have not been touched for a weekdeclutter office supplies ( I have too much of this really ) clean up the china cabinet fix baby 's toys sell or give away CDs and VCDs which are no longer wantedno to junk bags and junk drawers - - - just put them straight to where each one belongsA LOT OF HARD WORK AND PATIENCE Wish me luck ! I think the good thing about having a second baby is having a more familiar feeling about the whole pregnancy in general . As they say , " been there , done that " . In my case , I already know that this time , I need to be more vigilant and controlled in the diet aspect of my pregnancy lest I fall again into the trap of overeating , giving in to unhealthy foods and ending up gaining too much weight by the time I reach my full term . For this second pregnancy , my plan is to eat healthier . I want to erase my past mistake of not having a very healthy diet during the first time . So I plan to bring out our blender so that I can always have fresh and nutritious fruit drinks in the morning . I vow to make this ever - reliable home appliance my constant companion for the months ahead . I also would bring out our turbo broiler so I can have more broiled meat instead of fried . I will also eat lots of leafy green vegetables even if I don 't like it that much . And for the major thing , I want to give up eating junk food and drinking soft drink - - for this is my ultimate weakness . ( If you 're reading this Hunny , I hope you can help and support me on this ) . Believe me , I 'll do anything for this baby to be healthy , even if it takes a lot of temperance and self - mastery . So wish me luck ! Posted by Just reminiscing old pics of our previous travels to Iloilo . I was also a few weeks ' pregnant ( then with Zoe ) in these pictures . Looking forward to seeing Iloilo tomorrow . . . this time with Hunny , Zoe , and our new baby ( still in my womb ) . Last January 4 , we agreed to rent out again our humble home to the producers of Count Your Blessings ( airing daily , Monday to Friday , 5 : 00 p . m . at NBN Channel 4 ) . The episode which they were going to tape featured showbiz celebrities Sheree and Coco Martin . Sorry for not being updated but I never really heard about this guys prior to that day . So out of curiosity , I asked the others about their background . I heard from the neighbor that Sheree was part of Viva Hot Babes and that she has given birth already . In fairness , she 's friendly , sexy and pretty up close . I couldn 't believe that she 's already a mom ! I was afraid to ask her if she had undergone a tummy tuck for there seems to be no trace at all that she has been pregnant before , that is , compared to me who let my weight go up uncontrollably during and after my pregnancy . Anyway , if my job is to look sexy ( as in her case ) and if I had the resources ( which I don 't ) , I would gladly undergo a tummy tuck ! As for Coco Martin , he was also friendly and I could see that our two helpers were so ecstatic to see him in person . I heard that he has an acting award for a movie so I " googled " his name up and found pictures of him which were too sexy for me , so I stopped . Anyway , as before , part of our agreement with the director is not to use the house , especially the master 's bedroom , for scenes which are too sexy or too violent . My Dad specifically told us this . I think it 's good to point out this issue to the producer and the director . We said that we don 't want to be a contributor in spreading lewdness on TV . Instead , we only want to be part in sharing good moral lessons to the viewing public . Good thing the show Count Your Blessings is more or less okay . Leaving you with a picture : To continue my story from the last post , after breakfast , I had a sudden urge to go visit the weekend market in Makati after remembering the episode from Supermarket Chef of the Lifestyle Network Channel which we watched a couples of nights before . So even if there was a yummy lunch of Nilagang Baboy already prepared at home , my husband and I still decided to leave and catch whatever 's left before the market sellers packed away . Here are some pictures : We bought some vegetables , green mangoes ( ! ) , suman sa lihiya and other small things which I cannot remember anymore . For lunch , we contented ourselves with huge grilled hotdog sandwiches and a mango shake . After this mini - date , we headed to Glorietta to see what was on sale ( Zara and Mango were on sale but I didn 't have to urge to buy anything ) . We left empty - handed so we decided to go to our ever - favorite Conti 's in Serendra to buy Blueberry Cheese Cake ( my craving ) and some goodies which we will bring to party that we were supposed to attend . I super enjoyed this mini - field trip ! Thanks Hun . Posted by Last January 3 , I woke up very early so that I could go to Mass . After taking a bath and dressing up , I took a home pregnancy test to verify my suspicion . Actually , I knew deep inside that I was pregnant . I only needed a confirmation from a test . A few days before , I saw that I had some blood spots so I thought that my period was on the way . I actually almost cried at the thought that I 'm not pregnant . You see , we 've been hoping and praying for a blessing to come for the past how many months already . Anyway , when my period didn 't arrive on December 31 , I knew . I was so happy to see the two pink lines appear almost immediately . Pure bliss ! Since it was still too early to wake up my husband and baby who were both sleeping soundly , I left the HPT at the bathroom so that it would be easily seen by my husband when he gets up from bed . Then I headed off to go to Mass ( it was the first Saturday of the month ) . At mass , I couldn 't help but be emotional . I looked intensely at the Holy Eucharist being consecrated and I felt so happy , so grateful and so blessed . I texted my sister immediately after the mass because I couldn 't contain the joy that I was feeling . Anyway , I headed home after my thanksgiving after the mass and was welcomed by a BIG smile from my husband . I was sure he saw the HPT because he was already busy cooking up something special for breakfast . His first words were - - " two lines ! " It is a cause for a celebration ! He made us a creamy and cheesy egg omelet . It was delicious ! He added cream cheese , milk , cheddar cheese and some salt and pepper to the egg so it tasted so great ! That recipe in itself could be a subject for many of my House Everything 's and even my father 's textbooks ' Essay Examples . Actually , I find my husband 's cooking as a very interesting Essay Topic that I could go on and on talking and writing about it . I probably would even want to get a reputable group to send me a Custom Essay which features our favorite recipes and it would probably turn out to be the start of a nice novel like that ofVina Christmas Day is done and we 're still left with some ham from the feast . I wanted to make good use of the left - over ham , so when we had some friends coming over for dinner one time , I made Mac and Cheese for them . It was gastronomically sinful ( of course , I 'm a bit biased , hahaha ) . And then since I made a big bowl of this , there was still enough for next day 's lunch . Have you ever tasted any pasta that 's 2 or 3 days - old ? Well , in my opinion , it tastes even better because by that time , the pasta and the sauce have been mixed well together . Posted by Last Sunday , January 04 , 2009 , our family trooped all the way to Sta . Rosa , Laguna to attend the annual Christmas Party we have with our friends from way back . We got to know each other around 9 - 10 years ago when most of us were young , single and unattached . I was ( still is ) the youngest among the group and they all treated me like their young sister . This group consists of Pat , Fred , Owi , Tin - tin , Gina , Stella , Teng and myself . The other people who used to tag along but are now out of touch are Mandy , Hector , Pin and Dave . I still remember when we would go on out of town pilgrimages ( we still do actually ) and summer outings with our families . Our last get - together was during Pat and Fred 's daughter 's birthday party . Prior to that , we celebrated Christmas at Owi and Tin - tin 's brand new house in Merville . When before we were mostly single , many of us now are happily married with kids of our own . Pat and Fred already have two kids while Owi and Tin have 1 cute boy who is almost as old as our very own Zoe . Stella and Gina are still both very much single . All of these friends of ours are highly successful in their jobs . They are that successful that I could include their names as reference persons when I do my Resume Writing . Anyway , for this year , Pat and Fred hosted the Christmas Party at their newly - furnished home in Ayala Westgrove Heights . Their house is huge ! Zoe enjoyed every single minute playing with the other kids . We also enjoyed all the interesting stories of what happened to each one during the past year . One of the biggest news there is the decision of Pat to resign from her highly prestigious HR job in Ayala Group of Companies in order to be a full - time mother to her two kids , ages 7 and 4 . She was fortunate enough to avail of a special retirement package that gave her a huge amount of money that can cover the full payment of their house / lot and their new car plus also buy her enough time to be just at home until she decides what she wants to do next . I think she 's very lucky indeed ! Pat has climbed the corPosted by For New Year 's lunch , we decided to try out a new recipe which we saw on TV ( Supermarket Chef ) . We used this recipe plus incorporated the other version of the recipe that I found online . What about these recipes that fancied my husband ? BEER . Yup , the batter had beer in it . Tastes yummy . I 'm pasting here the Jamie Oliver 's version . FISH AND CHIPSRecipe courtesy Jamie Oliver IngredientsFor the chips : • 3 3 / 4 pints ( 2 liters ) vegetable oil • 2 pounds ( 950 grams ) floury potatoes , like russets , peeled and cut into large chipsFor the batter : • 1 cup plain flour • 1 cup beer • 2 egg whites , whipped to soft peaks • Salt • 4 ( 9 ounce / 250 gram ) fillets haddock or cod , skin on , and pin bonedDirectionsPour all the vegetable oil into a deep pan or deep fat fryer , and heat to 300 degrees F ( 160 degrees C . ) Blanch the cut potatoes in the oil until soft , but not colored , about 4 minutes . Remove and drain . Mix together the flour and the beer , then fold in the egg whites . Turn up the heat of the oil to 350 degrees F ( 180 degrees C ) . Dip the fish in the batter and fry for a few minutes with the chips until golden brown . Drain on kitchen paper and serve with bread and butter , wally 's ( battered , deep fried pickles served with ranch dressing ) , and pickled eggs . Before anything else , House Everything would like to greet you a very Happy New Year ! I know I 've lagged behind in my blogging for the past few days . Sorry dears ! I 'll just try my best to make up despite the bad internet connection at home . The past week has been so busy . We had lots and lots of partying , cooking , shopping , cleaning and organizing going around at home . With one more day left in our vacation ( which lasted a good 11 days , by the way ) , it is still far from over . We will still be going out of town tomorrow for a party with friends in Westgrove . Plus ( here 's the big thing ) , there will be another taping inside our house tomorrow . Yup , we have again agreed to rent out our house to the tv producers of Count Your Blessings for another shooting for one of their future episodes . We heard that Coco Martin and a Viva Hot Babe girl will be part of the main cast . Too bad we will only get a short glimpse of them since we are leaving right after lunch . Anyway , although I 'm glad to get extra money from this venture , I 'm also a bit worried because I know that the tv crew will be moving around much of our furniture . I really hope they don 't add more damage to our pitiful - looking living room furniture that is already old . If only we could buy a new living room set soon . We actually found some fantastic designs online that matches our mocha - colored walls and we 're looking forward to checking it soon . This will definitely be one of our top TO - BUY things for the house this 2009 . Posted by My 2 older kids both study now at PAREF . Luigi is now in Grade 1 while Zoe is in Grade 4 . How time flies ! Both schools also recently celebrated Filipino W . . .
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Pat sent me this cute blogger meme . Thanks Pat ! 1 . Each blogger must post these rules . 2 . Each blogger starts with ten random facts / habits about themselves . 3 . Bloggers that are tagged need to write ten facts about themselves . You need to choose ten people to tag and list their names . Here are my ten random facts / habits : 1 . I 'm a certified lefty . I was just reminded of this when I heard that Obama is a lefty too . 2 . I still have a cabinet - full of clothes which no longer fit ( wishing that someday , I 'll lose enough weight to start wearing them again ) . 3 . I really don 't go for chunky fashion jewelry . I prefer real classic gold jewelries . 4 . I used to know a bit of piano but lost interest because my teacher ( Mrs . Zummel ) was " amoy - lupa na " and I hated it ! Hahaha ! 5 . I have yet to find ' the ' hairdresser to give me that perfect cut . 6 . I 've been super grouchy lately . Bleh ~ bleh ~ bleh ~ 7 . One time , I cried when I saw our electric bill . Long story . 8 . I 'm a lousy bag - owner . Maybe that 's why my husband would probably never give me a bag that 's worth more than 10k . 9 . I love to read but I seem to have not found enough time to read . I 'd rather sleep really . 10 . I think that I love to eat more than I love to cook . I also like drinking occasionally but not often enough to undergo alcohol detox . Passing this meme to Iris , Jown and Alpha . Since I 've been on the edge because of my present condition , I looked for some natural remedies for my VOMITING AND NAUSEA : Sucking a piece of ice controls vomiting . Eat 1 / 2 tsp . ground cumin seeds . Cinnamon and sliced ginger work by interrupting nausea signals sent from the stomach to the brain . If you are an herbal tea drinker , simply sprinkle cinnamon on the tea and drink . To make ginger tea , simmer a few slices of ginger in hot tea water . Ai also gave me some helpful tips regarding this . Thanks Ai ! I hope it works ! Posted by I was just on the phone with my cousin who is 15 years old . He just called in to ask if he can drink the Coke in the refrigerator and if he can play the computer this afternoon . I immediately answered ' yes ' regarding the Coke but hesitated if I should allow him to play the computer . You see , this boy 's very addicted to online games that he even goes out of his way to know about call of duty cheats . He really should be banned from playing the computer on weekdays but I still have to learn to put my foot forward to take him out from his addiction . As I am looking for a nice name for baby # 2 , I stumbled into this page about celebrities ' real names . I really chuckled upon knowing that Caryn Elaine Johnson is actually Whoopi Goldberg and that Stanley Kirk Burrell is ( MC ) Hammer . Among the real names , I really liked Laura Jean Reese Witherspoon ( Reese Witherspoon ) . I would have preferred Susan Alexandra Weaver over Sigourney Weaver . I also like Robert James Ritchie better than his celebrity name as Kid Rock . But of course , I think I 'm more traditional and really their celebrity names sound more interesting . By the way , did you know that Aliaune Damala Bouga Time Puru Nacka Lu Lu Lu Badara Akon Thiam is now known simply as Akon ? Hmmm . I think I better think twice before giving a mouthful of names to my child . He / She might want to change it when he / she becomes famous ! Posted by On the topic of car hunting , I just sent my husband a copy of the repossessed cars that are up for sale in our sister company . You see , we regularly receive notices on the recently repossessed vehicles of the bank . There is a variety of car brands that you can chose from . And if you 're lucky you can catch a good deal on a New Ford or any car of your choice . Just last night , my husband and I decided to move ( read : sleep ) into my parents ' room from our original room in the attic . The room has been vacant since my Dad decided to re - marry and move to Batangas . And as you see , with my new pregnancy , we realized that we needed a bigger bed for us . Since my Dad 's bed is a king - size while our is a mere double bed , transfering to my parents ' room would really be the right thing to do ( plus there are less steps going up ) . Later on , when Zoe ( and baby # 2 ) will be a bit older and more independent , they can have our room in the attic . And as they progress to be students , our plan is to convert what is currently Zoe 's playroom in the attic into a study room cum library that is ideal for study . I don 't quite remember where I got this photo but this is more or less the design that I like . I find this such a perfect - fit for our attic space . I just thought of posting this so I won 't lose the idea . Posted by On the way to work today , my husband and I had a very interesting discussion about cars . You see , lately , I 've been fancying on selling our Toyota Corolla and buying a new one that 's would fit better our family 's needs . I actually told him that I had my mind set on either getting a Honda CRV , a BYD E6 Electric Car or any dependable SUV . But of course , we just cannot plunge and buy anything without studying the practicality and financial aspects of buying a new car . Aside from the price and reputation , what would matter to me also are the engine quality and size . In view of this , my husband suggested that we make a visit to some car dealers one time in order for us to have a more concrete idea of what we really want to buy . Of course , we also need to look at how our finances are doing and think if it is really practical to buy a new car at this point . With the economy going bad , it is sometimes scary to invest on depreciating goods such as a car . Do you agree ? Is it the right time to buy a car now during these hard times ? Your thoughts are very much welcome . Posted by I found this scanned picture of my parents as I was looking for some personal files . In this picture , they were both in their early 20s , very much in love and ready to take on the world . Looking at it makes me feel like crying . Advance happy birthday Nanay ! You would have been 62 years old this Sunday . I love you , I miss you and I know you 're watching over me all the time . : - ) I just realized now that by the time I give birth this year , it will be just a few weeks away from Halloween . Well , it 's never too early to plan , right ? I would probably be too busy by then to buy a costume for Zoe and for little one . So today , I looked through the internet for nice Halloween costumes for the kids . I definitely want them to look cutesy and huggable ! Maybe the whole family could even go in coordinating outfits like a set of Caveman costume like a Tarzan and Jane outfit or something like a his and hers costume for the kids ( if our second baby would be a boy ) . I looked through a collection of nice stuff for babies and found these really nice items for baby # 2 . If the baby will be a boy ( here 's just some wishful thinking on my part ) , I would love to buy this bell pepper bunting or this baseball outfit . I 'm pretty sure my husband would like to see his infant son inside a nice baseball jersey for babies since my husband is very much a baseball fan himself . I could just imagine father and son donning matching baseball outfits during the annual Halloween party in our village . That would be such a cute sight to watch ! Posted by It 's already almost nine o ' clock in the evening now and I 'm still here in the office trying to finish some tasks and overdue reports . Honestly , I feel so tired already . Not to mention my present condition now ( I 'm eight weeks pregnant , you see ) , anyone in my shoes right now would have packed her bag and rushed home to either to take care of her family or get that much needed dinner and rest . But yeah , it always seems that I have no other choice but to finish my work even if there is still tomorrow . I have an over - due report since last week which I need to submit to one of our big bosses . On the side , I think , " Who 's not a big boss in this office , anyway ? Why do they get my priorities crooked all the time ? ! " My boss and her family own the whole company ( which is worth billions of dollars ) , so it 's no joke to working here in this office . Many times , I wonder within myself if I should finally quit my present job , take up a PhD and start a career in teaching in the university . Way back in college , our teacher in Business asked us to do a Custom Essay about our plans 20 years from that time ( we were more or less 20 years old ) . It was a tough assignment that I even considered getting an Essay Writing Service . But no , this was too personal a paper to depend on a 3rd party to do it for me . I still clearly remember what I wrote in that particular paper . I said that at around 40 years old , after 20 years or so of successfully working in a big institution such as a bank , after studying and finishing a Masters degree in Business , get married to the man of my dreams , have good , intelligent and wonderful children and raise a happy family , I would be glad to avail of an early retirement and start to a new career as a professor in the academe . Yes , everything in that paper seems to be coming true except for the last part . I said that I wanted to go back to the academe and give back to the students what I have learned all those years in corporate life . I would probably teach business administration or something of that sort . I canVina I never knew the importance of having a good quality mailbox until I found my credit card billing statement torn opened and found in the middle of the street not so long ago . I still cringe at the thought that someone tried to meddle with my private mail . Since then , I had always been on a look out for the perfect mailbox . My search led me recently to a great online store that offers a vast selection of wonderful looking mailboxes for home and commercial use . Seattleluxe is there to bring not only security but added beauty to your home with their top quality mailbox merchandise . Upon seeing the site , I see a wide variety of choices . For me , form and beauty count as well as quality . Now I have found just the right type of mailbox that is perfect for our home - a wall - mounted mailbox that looks sturdy and classic - looking . This is kind of a delayed post ( since the activity already started ) . However , I would still like to share with you something interesting that you may want to attend . It 's a series of talk by Registered Nutritionist ( and my friend ) Che de Vega about grocerying , diet and healthy living . Just leave me a comment if you are interested to join me in the future talks . I was told too that after this set , the next activity would be a Home Management Course by Ms . Frannie Daez , the author of Keep it Together ( a home management book ) . I am sooo interested ! ! Do you want to be a winner ? If you know something about XML and DB2 , then maybe you would want to join the xml contest online and win lots of cool prices . Don 't know anything about XML but are interested to learn ? Well , you can still actually join other contests on their site . By joining , you can pick up a thing or two about XML and other applications that can be of big help to you especially if you are keen of making it in the IT industry someday . Some of my friends who are techie are so interested to get in this contest and have actually participated . XML is easy to learn , they say . So what are you waiting for ? Click on the links of the website www . xmlchallenge . com , sign in and be a WINNER . Posted by Since I am in the early stages of my second pregnancy , I 've stayed away from dusty places , perfume , mouth rinse , scented soaps , garlic , and other strong smelling - stuff . I avoid all these to prevent my stomach from getting sick and from probable allergies which I had experienced the last time . Due to this pregnancy too , I 've stayed away from my disorderly closet , book shelves , shoe cabinet , Zoe 's toys . . . in a word , from organizing . I prefer getting some sleep on weekend mid - mornings and resting in the bedroom . This baby is now more important than those stacks of clothes waiting to be put away , those envelope - full of papers and receipts needed to be filed , those toys waiting for me to organize . They would all have to wait when I am again able , strong and okay . Until then , the house will continue to function ( with the help of my family of course ) . Thank God for a " masipag " husband and reliable house - help ! Everybody already knows that the economy has never been this bad at least for the past ten years . I watch the latest news and feel really bad at the way the markets have turned and how it has been causing lay - offs , losses in investments and closing down of big companies . The fact is , those who were once high profile financial executives are now back to zero in their business . For my friends in marketing , I could only suggest to them not to lose hope . Although the cost of real estate properties has been slashed badly , there are still companies who can offer them Mortgage Leads through Voice Broadcasting that can result to deals and bottom - line sales . You only have to expand your market and look for the strategies that work . Posted by For the third time around , we again rented out our house to the producers from Channel 4 . I think the show now will be called Pangarap Kong Jackpot ( previously Count Your Blessings ) . The title 's like that because this is a show funded mainly by PCSO ata . Anyway , the main characters for this week - long episode are Dimples Romana and Baron Geisler . Oh di va ! I actually stopped myself from asking for a photo with the artistas . Besides , I couldn 't find the perfect timing . Anyway , just a short anecdote . . . I was watching them do a take from the living room and B . G . was holding a cig . I looked at him and when he saw me and greeted me with " Hello Ate " . Hehehe . Then he saw the suman that we have in the kitchen and asked me if we have Muscovado ( which we didn 't coz I gave away the Muscovado that I bought directly from Bacolod to my boss ) . I said " No , sorry ! " and he said " Ang sarap kasi ng itsura nung suman ninyo ( pointing at the plateful of suman on the table ) . " Hahaha . Yun lang . : - ) Surprisingly , the crew packed up earlier than before for which I was super glad . : - ) At least we needn 't lose sleep because of the taping at home . : - ) Anyway , we sometimes hear neighbors questioning our decision to allow these people to rent out our house for TV . They say that the money being paid to us is so small and it 's not worth the disturbance and the probable - damage that the crew may cause . Well , for us , it 's really no hassle . The TV crew are all very friendly . We even get to see artistas right in our very own living / bed room and get paid for it ( enough to pay for our monthly electric bill ) . So why not ? : - ) Posted by Well , well , well . What do ya ' know ? January 's almost over and I still haven 't blogged about my New Year 's resolution . Maybe it 's because I still haven 't taken it to heart up to now ( and I tend to forget lots of things anyway ) . DE - CLUTTER . That 's my resolution . It means : throwing out unnecessary papers - receipts , lists , stubs , tickets , and what - notfile those important papers IMMEDIATELY and not wait for all of it to pile up ( and get ready with all those labeled folders ) weed out clothes which have never been or seldom worn , don 't fit , damaged or are plain uglyuse only one calendar / notebook so no more sticky notesclean out bedroom cabinet which still has unopened presents and even wedding giftsget rid of left - overs in the fridge which have not been touched for a weekdeclutter office supplies ( I have too much of this really ) clean up the china cabinet fix baby 's toys sell or give away CDs and VCDs which are no longer wantedno to junk bags and junk drawers - - - just put them straight to where each one belongsA LOT OF HARD WORK AND PATIENCE Wish me luck ! I think the good thing about having a second baby is having a more familiar feeling about the whole pregnancy in general . As they say , " been there , done that " . In my case , I already know that this time , I need to be more vigilant and controlled in the diet aspect of my pregnancy lest I fall again into the trap of overeating , giving in to unhealthy foods and ending up gaining too much weight by the time I reach my full term . For this second pregnancy , my plan is to eat healthier . I want to erase my past mistake of not having a very healthy diet during the first time . So I plan to bring out our blender so that I can always have fresh and nutritious fruit drinks in the morning . I vow to make this ever - reliable home appliance my constant companion for the months ahead . I also would bring out our turbo broiler so I can have more broiled meat instead of fried . I will also eat lots of leafy green vegetables even if I don 't like it that much . And for the major thing , I want to give up eating junk food and drinking soft drink - - for this is my ultimate weakness . ( If you 're reading this Hunny , I hope you can help and support me on this ) . Believe me , I 'll do anything for this baby to be healthy , even if it takes a lot of temperance and self - mastery . So wish me luck ! Posted by Just reminiscing old pics of our previous travels to Iloilo . I was also a few weeks ' pregnant ( then with Zoe ) in these pictures . Looking forward to seeing Iloilo tomorrow . . . this time with Hunny , Zoe , and our new baby ( still in my womb ) . Last January 4 , we agreed to rent out again our humble home to the producers of Count Your Blessings ( airing daily , Monday to Friday , 5 : 00 p . m . at NBN Channel 4 ) . The episode which they were going to tape featured showbiz celebrities Sheree and Coco Martin . Sorry for not being updated but I never really heard about this guys prior to that day . So out of curiosity , I asked the others about their background . I heard from the neighbor that Sheree was part of Viva Hot Babes and that she has given birth already . In fairness , she 's friendly , sexy and pretty up close . I couldn 't believe that she 's already a mom ! I was afraid to ask her if she had undergone a tummy tuck for there seems to be no trace at all that she has been pregnant before , that is , compared to me who let my weight go up uncontrollably during and after my pregnancy . Anyway , if my job is to look sexy ( as in her case ) and if I had the resources ( which I don 't ) , I would gladly undergo a tummy tuck ! As for Coco Martin , he was also friendly and I could see that our two helpers were so ecstatic to see him in person . I heard that he has an acting award for a movie so I " googled " his name up and found pictures of him which were too sexy for me , so I stopped . Anyway , as before , part of our agreement with the director is not to use the house , especially the master 's bedroom , for scenes which are too sexy or too violent . My Dad specifically told us this . I think it 's good to point out this issue to the producer and the director . We said that we don 't want to be a contributor in spreading lewdness on TV . Instead , we only want to be part in sharing good moral lessons to the viewing public . Good thing the show Count Your Blessings is more or less okay . Leaving you with a picture : To continue my story from the last post , after breakfast , I had a sudden urge to go visit the weekend market in Makati after remembering the episode from Supermarket Chef of the Lifestyle Network Channel which we watched a couples of nights before . So even if there was a yummy lunch of Nilagang Baboy already prepared at home , my husband and I still decided to leave and catch whatever 's left before the market sellers packed away . Here are some pictures : We bought some vegetables , green mangoes ( ! ) , suman sa lihiya and other small things which I cannot remember anymore . For lunch , we contented ourselves with huge grilled hotdog sandwiches and a mango shake . After this mini - date , we headed to Glorietta to see what was on sale ( Zara and Mango were on sale but I didn 't have to urge to buy anything ) . We left empty - handed so we decided to go to our ever - favorite Conti 's in Serendra to buy Blueberry Cheese Cake ( my craving ) and some goodies which we will bring to party that we were supposed to attend . I super enjoyed this mini - field trip ! Thanks Hun . Posted by Last January 3 , I woke up very early so that I could go to Mass . After taking a bath and dressing up , I took a home pregnancy test to verify my suspicion . Actually , I knew deep inside that I was pregnant . I only needed a confirmation from a test . A few days before , I saw that I had some blood spots so I thought that my period was on the way . I actually almost cried at the thought that I 'm not pregnant . You see , we 've been hoping and praying for a blessing to come for the past how many months already . Anyway , when my period didn 't arrive on December 31 , I knew . I was so happy to see the two pink lines appear almost immediately . Pure bliss ! Since it was still too early to wake up my husband and baby who were both sleeping soundly , I left the HPT at the bathroom so that it would be easily seen by my husband when he gets up from bed . Then I headed off to go to Mass ( it was the first Saturday of the month ) . At mass , I couldn 't help but be emotional . I looked intensely at the Holy Eucharist being consecrated and I felt so happy , so grateful and so blessed . I texted my sister immediately after the mass because I couldn 't contain the joy that I was feeling . Anyway , I headed home after my thanksgiving after the mass and was welcomed by a BIG smile from my husband . I was sure he saw the HPT because he was already busy cooking up something special for breakfast . His first words were - - " two lines ! " It is a cause for a celebration ! He made us a creamy and cheesy egg omelet . It was delicious ! He added cream cheese , milk , cheddar cheese and some salt and pepper to the egg so it tasted so great ! That recipe in itself could be a subject for many of my House Everything 's and even my father 's textbooks ' Essay Examples . Actually , I find my husband 's cooking as a very interesting Essay Topic that I could go on and on talking and writing about it . I probably would even want to get a reputable group to send me a Custom Essay which features our favorite recipes and it would probably turn out to be the start of a nice novel like that ofVina Christmas Day is done and we 're still left with some ham from the feast . I wanted to make good use of the left - over ham , so when we had some friends coming over for dinner one time , I made Mac and Cheese for them . It was gastronomically sinful ( of course , I 'm a bit biased , hahaha ) . And then since I made a big bowl of this , there was still enough for next day 's lunch . Have you ever tasted any pasta that 's 2 or 3 days - old ? Well , in my opinion , it tastes even better because by that time , the pasta and the sauce have been mixed well together . Posted by Last Sunday , January 04 , 2009 , our family trooped all the way to Sta . Rosa , Laguna to attend the annual Christmas Party we have with our friends from way back . We got to know each other around 9 - 10 years ago when most of us were young , single and unattached . I was ( still is ) the youngest among the group and they all treated me like their young sister . This group consists of Pat , Fred , Owi , Tin - tin , Gina , Stella , Teng and myself . The other people who used to tag along but are now out of touch are Mandy , Hector , Pin and Dave . I still remember when we would go on out of town pilgrimages ( we still do actually ) and summer outings with our families . Our last get - together was during Pat and Fred 's daughter 's birthday party . Prior to that , we celebrated Christmas at Owi and Tin - tin 's brand new house in Merville . When before we were mostly single , many of us now are happily married with kids of our own . Pat and Fred already have two kids while Owi and Tin have 1 cute boy who is almost as old as our very own Zoe . Stella and Gina are still both very much single . All of these friends of ours are highly successful in their jobs . They are that successful that I could include their names as reference persons when I do my Resume Writing . Anyway , for this year , Pat and Fred hosted the Christmas Party at their newly - furnished home in Ayala Westgrove Heights . Their house is huge ! Zoe enjoyed every single minute playing with the other kids . We also enjoyed all the interesting stories of what happened to each one during the past year . One of the biggest news there is the decision of Pat to resign from her highly prestigious HR job in Ayala Group of Companies in order to be a full - time mother to her two kids , ages 7 and 4 . She was fortunate enough to avail of a special retirement package that gave her a huge amount of money that can cover the full payment of their house / lot and their new car plus also buy her enough time to be just at home until she decides what she wants to do next . I think she 's very lucky indeed ! Pat has climbed the corPosted by For New Year 's lunch , we decided to try out a new recipe which we saw on TV ( Supermarket Chef ) . We used this recipe plus incorporated the other version of the recipe that I found online . What about these recipes that fancied my husband ? BEER . Yup , the batter had beer in it . Tastes yummy . I 'm pasting here the Jamie Oliver 's version . FISH AND CHIPSRecipe courtesy Jamie Oliver IngredientsFor the chips : • 3 3 / 4 pints ( 2 liters ) vegetable oil • 2 pounds ( 950 grams ) floury potatoes , like russets , peeled and cut into large chipsFor the batter : • 1 cup plain flour • 1 cup beer • 2 egg whites , whipped to soft peaks • Salt • 4 ( 9 ounce / 250 gram ) fillets haddock or cod , skin on , and pin bonedDirectionsPour all the vegetable oil into a deep pan or deep fat fryer , and heat to 300 degrees F ( 160 degrees C . ) Blanch the cut potatoes in the oil until soft , but not colored , about 4 minutes . Remove and drain . Mix together the flour and the beer , then fold in the egg whites . Turn up the heat of the oil to 350 degrees F ( 180 degrees C ) . Dip the fish in the batter and fry for a few minutes with the chips until golden brown . Drain on kitchen paper and serve with bread and butter , wally 's ( battered , deep fried pickles served with ranch dressing ) , and pickled eggs . Before anything else , House Everything would like to greet you a very Happy New Year ! I know I 've lagged behind in my blogging for the past few days . Sorry dears ! I 'll just try my best to make up despite the bad internet connection at home . The past week has been so busy . We had lots and lots of partying , cooking , shopping , cleaning and organizing going around at home . With one more day left in our vacation ( which lasted a good 11 days , by the way ) , it is still far from over . We will still be going out of town tomorrow for a party with friends in Westgrove . Plus ( here 's the big thing ) , there will be another taping inside our house tomorrow . Yup , we have again agreed to rent out our house to the tv producers of Count Your Blessings for another shooting for one of their future episodes . We heard that Coco Martin and a Viva Hot Babe girl will be part of the main cast . Too bad we will only get a short glimpse of them since we are leaving right after lunch . Anyway , although I 'm glad to get extra money from this venture , I 'm also a bit worried because I know that the tv crew will be moving around much of our furniture . I really hope they don 't add more damage to our pitiful - looking living room furniture that is already old . If only we could buy a new living room set soon . We actually found some fantastic designs online that matches our mocha - colored walls and we 're looking forward to checking it soon . This will definitely be one of our top TO - BUY things for the house this 2009 . Posted by My 2 older kids both study now at PAREF . Luigi is now in Grade 1 while Zoe is in Grade 4 . How time flies ! Both schools also recently celebrated Filipino W . . .
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Pat sent me this cute blogger meme . Thanks Pat ! 1 . Each blogger must post these rules . 2 . Each blogger starts with ten random facts / habits about themselves . 3 . Bloggers that are tagged need to write ten facts about themselves . You need to choose ten people to tag and list their names . Here are my ten random facts / habits : 1 . I 'm a certified lefty . I was just reminded of this when I heard that Obama is a lefty too . 2 . I still have a cabinet - full of clothes which no longer fit ( wishing that someday , I 'll lose enough weight to start wearing them again ) . 3 . I really don 't go for chunky fashion jewelry . I prefer real classic gold jewelries . 4 . I used to know a bit of piano but lost interest because my teacher ( Mrs . Zummel ) was " amoy - lupa na " and I hated it ! Hahaha ! 5 . I have yet to find ' the ' hairdresser to give me that perfect cut . 6 . I 've been super grouchy lately . Bleh ~ bleh ~ bleh ~ 7 . One time , I cried when I saw our electric bill . Long story . 8 . I 'm a lousy bag - owner . Maybe that 's why my husband would probably never give me a bag that 's worth more than 10k . 9 . I love to read but I seem to have not found enough time to read . I 'd rather sleep really . 10 . I think that I love to eat more than I love to cook . I also like drinking occasionally but not often enough to undergo alcohol detox . Passing this meme to Iris , Jown and Alpha . Since I 've been on the edge because of my present condition , I looked for some natural remedies for my VOMITING AND NAUSEA : Sucking a piece of ice controls vomiting . Eat 1 / 2 tsp . ground cumin seeds . Cinnamon and sliced ginger work by interrupting nausea signals sent from the stomach to the brain . If you are an herbal tea drinker , simply sprinkle cinnamon on the tea and drink . To make ginger tea , simmer a few slices of ginger in hot tea water . Ai also gave me some helpful tips regarding this . Thanks Ai ! I hope it works ! Posted by I was just on the phone with my cousin who is 15 years old . He just called in to ask if he can drink the Coke in the refrigerator and if he can play the computer this afternoon . I immediately answered ' yes ' regarding the Coke but hesitated if I should allow him to play the computer . You see , this boy 's very addicted to online games that he even goes out of his way to know about call of duty cheats . He really should be banned from playing the computer on weekdays but I still have to learn to put my foot forward to take him out from his addiction . As I am looking for a nice name for baby # 2 , I stumbled into this page about celebrities ' real names . I really chuckled upon knowing that Caryn Elaine Johnson is actually Whoopi Goldberg and that Stanley Kirk Burrell is ( MC ) Hammer . Among the real names , I really liked Laura Jean Reese Witherspoon ( Reese Witherspoon ) . I would have preferred Susan Alexandra Weaver over Sigourney Weaver . I also like Robert James Ritchie better than his celebrity name as Kid Rock . But of course , I think I 'm more traditional and really their celebrity names sound more interesting . By the way , did you know that Aliaune Damala Bouga Time Puru Nacka Lu Lu Lu Badara Akon Thiam is now known simply as Akon ? Hmmm . I think I better think twice before giving a mouthful of names to my child . He / She might want to change it when he / she becomes famous ! Posted by On the topic of car hunting , I just sent my husband a copy of the repossessed cars that are up for sale in our sister company . You see , we regularly receive notices on the recently repossessed vehicles of the bank . There is a variety of car brands that you can chose from . And if you 're lucky you can catch a good deal on a New Ford or any car of your choice . Just last night , my husband and I decided to move ( read : sleep ) into my parents ' room from our original room in the attic . The room has been vacant since my Dad decided to re - marry and move to Batangas . And as you see , with my new pregnancy , we realized that we needed a bigger bed for us . Since my Dad 's bed is a king - size while our is a mere double bed , transfering to my parents ' room would really be the right thing to do ( plus there are less steps going up ) . Later on , when Zoe ( and baby # 2 ) will be a bit older and more independent , they can have our room in the attic . And as they progress to be students , our plan is to convert what is currently Zoe 's playroom in the attic into a study room cum library that is ideal for study . I don 't quite remember where I got this photo but this is more or less the design that I like . I find this such a perfect - fit for our attic space . I just thought of posting this so I won 't lose the idea . Posted by On the way to work today , my husband and I had a very interesting discussion about cars . You see , lately , I 've been fancying on selling our Toyota Corolla and buying a new one that 's would fit better our family 's needs . I actually told him that I had my mind set on either getting a Honda CRV , a BYD E6 Electric Car or any dependable SUV . But of course , we just cannot plunge and buy anything without studying the practicality and financial aspects of buying a new car . Aside from the price and reputation , what would matter to me also are the engine quality and size . In view of this , my husband suggested that we make a visit to some car dealers one time in order for us to have a more concrete idea of what we really want to buy . Of course , we also need to look at how our finances are doing and think if it is really practical to buy a new car at this point . With the economy going bad , it is sometimes scary to invest on depreciating goods such as a car . Do you agree ? Is it the right time to buy a car now during these hard times ? Your thoughts are very much welcome . Posted by I found this scanned picture of my parents as I was looking for some personal files . In this picture , they were both in their early 20s , very much in love and ready to take on the world . Looking at it makes me feel like crying . Advance happy birthday Nanay ! You would have been 62 years old this Sunday . I love you , I miss you and I know you 're watching over me all the time . : - ) I just realized now that by the time I give birth this year , it will be just a few weeks away from Halloween . Well , it 's never too early to plan , right ? I would probably be too busy by then to buy a costume for Zoe and for little one . So today , I looked through the internet for nice Halloween costumes for the kids . I definitely want them to look cutesy and huggable ! Maybe the whole family could even go in coordinating outfits like a set of Caveman costume like a Tarzan and Jane outfit or something like a his and hers costume for the kids ( if our second baby would be a boy ) . I looked through a collection of nice stuff for babies and found these really nice items for baby # 2 . If the baby will be a boy ( here 's just some wishful thinking on my part ) , I would love to buy this bell pepper bunting or this baseball outfit . I 'm pretty sure my husband would like to see his infant son inside a nice baseball jersey for babies since my husband is very much a baseball fan himself . I could just imagine father and son donning matching baseball outfits during the annual Halloween party in our village . That would be such a cute sight to watch ! Posted by It 's already almost nine o ' clock in the evening now and I 'm still here in the office trying to finish some tasks and overdue reports . Honestly , I feel so tired already . Not to mention my present condition now ( I 'm eight weeks pregnant , you see ) , anyone in my shoes right now would have packed her bag and rushed home to either to take care of her family or get that much needed dinner and rest . But yeah , it always seems that I have no other choice but to finish my work even if there is still tomorrow . I have an over - due report since last week which I need to submit to one of our big bosses . On the side , I think , " Who 's not a big boss in this office , anyway ? Why do they get my priorities crooked all the time ? ! " My boss and her family own the whole company ( which is worth billions of dollars ) , so it 's no joke to working here in this office . Many times , I wonder within myself if I should finally quit my present job , take up a PhD and start a career in teaching in the university . Way back in college , our teacher in Business asked us to do a Custom Essay about our plans 20 years from that time ( we were more or less 20 years old ) . It was a tough assignment that I even considered getting an Essay Writing Service . But no , this was too personal a paper to depend on a 3rd party to do it for me . I still clearly remember what I wrote in that particular paper . I said that at around 40 years old , after 20 years or so of successfully working in a big institution such as a bank , after studying and finishing a Masters degree in Business , get married to the man of my dreams , have good , intelligent and wonderful children and raise a happy family , I would be glad to avail of an early retirement and start to a new career as a professor in the academe . Yes , everything in that paper seems to be coming true except for the last part . I said that I wanted to go back to the academe and give back to the students what I have learned all those years in corporate life . I would probably teach business administration or something of that sort . I canVina I never knew the importance of having a good quality mailbox until I found my credit card billing statement torn opened and found in the middle of the street not so long ago . I still cringe at the thought that someone tried to meddle with my private mail . Since then , I had always been on a look out for the perfect mailbox . My search led me recently to a great online store that offers a vast selection of wonderful looking mailboxes for home and commercial use . Seattleluxe is there to bring not only security but added beauty to your home with their top quality mailbox merchandise . Upon seeing the site , I see a wide variety of choices . For me , form and beauty count as well as quality . Now I have found just the right type of mailbox that is perfect for our home - a wall - mounted mailbox that looks sturdy and classic - looking . This is kind of a delayed post ( since the activity already started ) . However , I would still like to share with you something interesting that you may want to attend . It 's a series of talk by Registered Nutritionist ( and my friend ) Che de Vega about grocerying , diet and healthy living . Just leave me a comment if you are interested to join me in the future talks . I was told too that after this set , the next activity would be a Home Management Course by Ms . Frannie Daez , the author of Keep it Together ( a home management book ) . I am sooo interested ! ! Do you want to be a winner ? If you know something about XML and DB2 , then maybe you would want to join the xml contest online and win lots of cool prices . Don 't know anything about XML but are interested to learn ? Well , you can still actually join other contests on their site . By joining , you can pick up a thing or two about XML and other applications that can be of big help to you especially if you are keen of making it in the IT industry someday . Some of my friends who are techie are so interested to get in this contest and have actually participated . XML is easy to learn , they say . So what are you waiting for ? Click on the links of the website www . xmlchallenge . com , sign in and be a WINNER . Posted by Since I am in the early stages of my second pregnancy , I 've stayed away from dusty places , perfume , mouth rinse , scented soaps , garlic , and other strong smelling - stuff . I avoid all these to prevent my stomach from getting sick and from probable allergies which I had experienced the last time . Due to this pregnancy too , I 've stayed away from my disorderly closet , book shelves , shoe cabinet , Zoe 's toys . . . in a word , from organizing . I prefer getting some sleep on weekend mid - mornings and resting in the bedroom . This baby is now more important than those stacks of clothes waiting to be put away , those envelope - full of papers and receipts needed to be filed , those toys waiting for me to organize . They would all have to wait when I am again able , strong and okay . Until then , the house will continue to function ( with the help of my family of course ) . Thank God for a " masipag " husband and reliable house - help ! Everybody already knows that the economy has never been this bad at least for the past ten years . I watch the latest news and feel really bad at the way the markets have turned and how it has been causing lay - offs , losses in investments and closing down of big companies . The fact is , those who were once high profile financial executives are now back to zero in their business . For my friends in marketing , I could only suggest to them not to lose hope . Although the cost of real estate properties has been slashed badly , there are still companies who can offer them Mortgage Leads through Voice Broadcasting that can result to deals and bottom - line sales . You only have to expand your market and look for the strategies that work . Posted by For the third time around , we again rented out our house to the producers from Channel 4 . I think the show now will be called Pangarap Kong Jackpot ( previously Count Your Blessings ) . The title 's like that because this is a show funded mainly by PCSO ata . Anyway , the main characters for this week - long episode are Dimples Romana and Baron Geisler . Oh di va ! I actually stopped myself from asking for a photo with the artistas . Besides , I couldn 't find the perfect timing . Anyway , just a short anecdote . . . I was watching them do a take from the living room and B . G . was holding a cig . I looked at him and when he saw me and greeted me with " Hello Ate " . Hehehe . Then he saw the suman that we have in the kitchen and asked me if we have Muscovado ( which we didn 't coz I gave away the Muscovado that I bought directly from Bacolod to my boss ) . I said " No , sorry ! " and he said " Ang sarap kasi ng itsura nung suman ninyo ( pointing at the plateful of suman on the table ) . " Hahaha . Yun lang . : - ) Surprisingly , the crew packed up earlier than before for which I was super glad . : - ) At least we needn 't lose sleep because of the taping at home . : - ) Anyway , we sometimes hear neighbors questioning our decision to allow these people to rent out our house for TV . They say that the money being paid to us is so small and it 's not worth the disturbance and the probable - damage that the crew may cause . Well , for us , it 's really no hassle . The TV crew are all very friendly . We even get to see artistas right in our very own living / bed room and get paid for it ( enough to pay for our monthly electric bill ) . So why not ? : - ) Posted by Well , well , well . What do ya ' know ? January 's almost over and I still haven 't blogged about my New Year 's resolution . Maybe it 's because I still haven 't taken it to heart up to now ( and I tend to forget lots of things anyway ) . DE - CLUTTER . That 's my resolution . It means : throwing out unnecessary papers - receipts , lists , stubs , tickets , and what - notfile those important papers IMMEDIATELY and not wait for all of it to pile up ( and get ready with all those labeled folders ) weed out clothes which have never been or seldom worn , don 't fit , damaged or are plain uglyuse only one calendar / notebook so no more sticky notesclean out bedroom cabinet which still has unopened presents and even wedding giftsget rid of left - overs in the fridge which have not been touched for a weekdeclutter office supplies ( I have too much of this really ) clean up the china cabinet fix baby 's toys sell or give away CDs and VCDs which are no longer wantedno to junk bags and junk drawers - - - just put them straight to where each one belongsA LOT OF HARD WORK AND PATIENCE Wish me luck ! I think the good thing about having a second baby is having a more familiar feeling about the whole pregnancy in general . As they say , " been there , done that " . In my case , I already know that this time , I need to be more vigilant and controlled in the diet aspect of my pregnancy lest I fall again into the trap of overeating , giving in to unhealthy foods and ending up gaining too much weight by the time I reach my full term . For this second pregnancy , my plan is to eat healthier . I want to erase my past mistake of not having a very healthy diet during the first time . So I plan to bring out our blender so that I can always have fresh and nutritious fruit drinks in the morning . I vow to make this ever - reliable home appliance my constant companion for the months ahead . I also would bring out our turbo broiler so I can have more broiled meat instead of fried . I will also eat lots of leafy green vegetables even if I don 't like it that much . And for the major thing , I want to give up eating junk food and drinking soft drink - - for this is my ultimate weakness . ( If you 're reading this Hunny , I hope you can help and support me on this ) . Believe me , I 'll do anything for this baby to be healthy , even if it takes a lot of temperance and self - mastery . So wish me luck ! Posted by Just reminiscing old pics of our previous travels to Iloilo . I was also a few weeks ' pregnant ( then with Zoe ) in these pictures . Looking forward to seeing Iloilo tomorrow . . . this time with Hunny , Zoe , and our new baby ( still in my womb ) . Last January 4 , we agreed to rent out again our humble home to the producers of Count Your Blessings ( airing daily , Monday to Friday , 5 : 00 p . m . at NBN Channel 4 ) . The episode which they were going to tape featured showbiz celebrities Sheree and Coco Martin . Sorry for not being updated but I never really heard about this guys prior to that day . So out of curiosity , I asked the others about their background . I heard from the neighbor that Sheree was part of Viva Hot Babes and that she has given birth already . In fairness , she 's friendly , sexy and pretty up close . I couldn 't believe that she 's already a mom ! I was afraid to ask her if she had undergone a tummy tuck for there seems to be no trace at all that she has been pregnant before , that is , compared to me who let my weight go up uncontrollably during and after my pregnancy . Anyway , if my job is to look sexy ( as in her case ) and if I had the resources ( which I don 't ) , I would gladly undergo a tummy tuck ! As for Coco Martin , he was also friendly and I could see that our two helpers were so ecstatic to see him in person . I heard that he has an acting award for a movie so I " googled " his name up and found pictures of him which were too sexy for me , so I stopped . Anyway , as before , part of our agreement with the director is not to use the house , especially the master 's bedroom , for scenes which are too sexy or too violent . My Dad specifically told us this . I think it 's good to point out this issue to the producer and the director . We said that we don 't want to be a contributor in spreading lewdness on TV . Instead , we only want to be part in sharing good moral lessons to the viewing public . Good thing the show Count Your Blessings is more or less okay . Leaving you with a picture : To continue my story from the last post , after breakfast , I had a sudden urge to go visit the weekend market in Makati after remembering the episode from Supermarket Chef of the Lifestyle Network Channel which we watched a couples of nights before . So even if there was a yummy lunch of Nilagang Baboy already prepared at home , my husband and I still decided to leave and catch whatever 's left before the market sellers packed away . Here are some pictures : We bought some vegetables , green mangoes ( ! ) , suman sa lihiya and other small things which I cannot remember anymore . For lunch , we contented ourselves with huge grilled hotdog sandwiches and a mango shake . After this mini - date , we headed to Glorietta to see what was on sale ( Zara and Mango were on sale but I didn 't have to urge to buy anything ) . We left empty - handed so we decided to go to our ever - favorite Conti 's in Serendra to buy Blueberry Cheese Cake ( my craving ) and some goodies which we will bring to party that we were supposed to attend . I super enjoyed this mini - field trip ! Thanks Hun . Posted by Last January 3 , I woke up very early so that I could go to Mass . After taking a bath and dressing up , I took a home pregnancy test to verify my suspicion . Actually , I knew deep inside that I was pregnant . I only needed a confirmation from a test . A few days before , I saw that I had some blood spots so I thought that my period was on the way . I actually almost cried at the thought that I 'm not pregnant . You see , we 've been hoping and praying for a blessing to come for the past how many months already . Anyway , when my period didn 't arrive on December 31 , I knew . I was so happy to see the two pink lines appear almost immediately . Pure bliss ! Since it was still too early to wake up my husband and baby who were both sleeping soundly , I left the HPT at the bathroom so that it would be easily seen by my husband when he gets up from bed . Then I headed off to go to Mass ( it was the first Saturday of the month ) . At mass , I couldn 't help but be emotional . I looked intensely at the Holy Eucharist being consecrated and I felt so happy , so grateful and so blessed . I texted my sister immediately after the mass because I couldn 't contain the joy that I was feeling . Anyway , I headed home after my thanksgiving after the mass and was welcomed by a BIG smile from my husband . I was sure he saw the HPT because he was already busy cooking up something special for breakfast . His first words were - - " two lines ! " It is a cause for a celebration ! He made us a creamy and cheesy egg omelet . It was delicious ! He added cream cheese , milk , cheddar cheese and some salt and pepper to the egg so it tasted so great ! That recipe in itself could be a subject for many of my House Everything 's and even my father 's textbooks ' Essay Examples . Actually , I find my husband 's cooking as a very interesting Essay Topic that I could go on and on talking and writing about it . I probably would even want to get a reputable group to send me a Custom Essay which features our favorite recipes and it would probably turn out to be the start of a nice novel like that ofVina Christmas Day is done and we 're still left with some ham from the feast . I wanted to make good use of the left - over ham , so when we had some friends coming over for dinner one time , I made Mac and Cheese for them . It was gastronomically sinful ( of course , I 'm a bit biased , hahaha ) . And then since I made a big bowl of this , there was still enough for next day 's lunch . Have you ever tasted any pasta that 's 2 or 3 days - old ? Well , in my opinion , it tastes even better because by that time , the pasta and the sauce have been mixed well together . Posted by Last Sunday , January 04 , 2009 , our family trooped all the way to Sta . Rosa , Laguna to attend the annual Christmas Party we have with our friends from way back . We got to know each other around 9 - 10 years ago when most of us were young , single and unattached . I was ( still is ) the youngest among the group and they all treated me like their young sister . This group consists of Pat , Fred , Owi , Tin - tin , Gina , Stella , Teng and myself . The other people who used to tag along but are now out of touch are Mandy , Hector , Pin and Dave . I still remember when we would go on out of town pilgrimages ( we still do actually ) and summer outings with our families . Our last get - together was during Pat and Fred 's daughter 's birthday party . Prior to that , we celebrated Christmas at Owi and Tin - tin 's brand new house in Merville . When before we were mostly single , many of us now are happily married with kids of our own . Pat and Fred already have two kids while Owi and Tin have 1 cute boy who is almost as old as our very own Zoe . Stella and Gina are still both very much single . All of these friends of ours are highly successful in their jobs . They are that successful that I could include their names as reference persons when I do my Resume Writing . Anyway , for this year , Pat and Fred hosted the Christmas Party at their newly - furnished home in Ayala Westgrove Heights . Their house is huge ! Zoe enjoyed every single minute playing with the other kids . We also enjoyed all the interesting stories of what happened to each one during the past year . One of the biggest news there is the decision of Pat to resign from her highly prestigious HR job in Ayala Group of Companies in order to be a full - time mother to her two kids , ages 7 and 4 . She was fortunate enough to avail of a special retirement package that gave her a huge amount of money that can cover the full payment of their house / lot and their new car plus also buy her enough time to be just at home until she decides what she wants to do next . I think she 's very lucky indeed ! Pat has climbed the corPosted by For New Year 's lunch , we decided to try out a new recipe which we saw on TV ( Supermarket Chef ) . We used this recipe plus incorporated the other version of the recipe that I found online . What about these recipes that fancied my husband ? BEER . Yup , the batter had beer in it . Tastes yummy . I 'm pasting here the Jamie Oliver 's version . FISH AND CHIPSRecipe courtesy Jamie Oliver IngredientsFor the chips : • 3 3 / 4 pints ( 2 liters ) vegetable oil • 2 pounds ( 950 grams ) floury potatoes , like russets , peeled and cut into large chipsFor the batter : • 1 cup plain flour • 1 cup beer • 2 egg whites , whipped to soft peaks • Salt • 4 ( 9 ounce / 250 gram ) fillets haddock or cod , skin on , and pin bonedDirectionsPour all the vegetable oil into a deep pan or deep fat fryer , and heat to 300 degrees F ( 160 degrees C . ) Blanch the cut potatoes in the oil until soft , but not colored , about 4 minutes . Remove and drain . Mix together the flour and the beer , then fold in the egg whites . Turn up the heat of the oil to 350 degrees F ( 180 degrees C ) . Dip the fish in the batter and fry for a few minutes with the chips until golden brown . Drain on kitchen paper and serve with bread and butter , wally 's ( battered , deep fried pickles served with ranch dressing ) , and pickled eggs . Before anything else , House Everything would like to greet you a very Happy New Year ! I know I 've lagged behind in my blogging for the past few days . Sorry dears ! I 'll just try my best to make up despite the bad internet connection at home . The past week has been so busy . We had lots and lots of partying , cooking , shopping , cleaning and organizing going around at home . With one more day left in our vacation ( which lasted a good 11 days , by the way ) , it is still far from over . We will still be going out of town tomorrow for a party with friends in Westgrove . Plus ( here 's the big thing ) , there will be another taping inside our house tomorrow . Yup , we have again agreed to rent out our house to the tv producers of Count Your Blessings for another shooting for one of their future episodes . We heard that Coco Martin and a Viva Hot Babe girl will be part of the main cast . Too bad we will only get a short glimpse of them since we are leaving right after lunch . Anyway , although I 'm glad to get extra money from this venture , I 'm also a bit worried because I know that the tv crew will be moving around much of our furniture . I really hope they don 't add more damage to our pitiful - looking living room furniture that is already old . If only we could buy a new living room set soon . We actually found some fantastic designs online that matches our mocha - colored walls and we 're looking forward to checking it soon . This will definitely be one of our top TO - BUY things for the house this 2009 . Posted by My 2 older kids both study now at PAREF . Luigi is now in Grade 1 while Zoe is in Grade 4 . How time flies ! Both schools also recently celebrated Filipino W . . .
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Pat sent me this cute blogger meme . Thanks Pat ! 1 . Each blogger must post these rules . 2 . Each blogger starts with ten random facts / habits about themselves . 3 . Bloggers that are tagged need to write ten facts about themselves . You need to choose ten people to tag and list their names . Here are my ten random facts / habits : 1 . I 'm a certified lefty . I was just reminded of this when I heard that Obama is a lefty too . 2 . I still have a cabinet - full of clothes which no longer fit ( wishing that someday , I 'll lose enough weight to start wearing them again ) . 3 . I really don 't go for chunky fashion jewelry . I prefer real classic gold jewelries . 4 . I used to know a bit of piano but lost interest because my teacher ( Mrs . Zummel ) was " amoy - lupa na " and I hated it ! Hahaha ! 5 . I have yet to find ' the ' hairdresser to give me that perfect cut . 6 . I 've been super grouchy lately . Bleh ~ bleh ~ bleh ~ 7 . One time , I cried when I saw our electric bill . Long story . 8 . I 'm a lousy bag - owner . Maybe that 's why my husband would probably never give me a bag that 's worth more than 10k . 9 . I love to read but I seem to have not found enough time to read . I 'd rather sleep really . 10 . I think that I love to eat more than I love to cook . I also like drinking occasionally but not often enough to undergo alcohol detox . Passing this meme to Iris , Jown and Alpha . Since I 've been on the edge because of my present condition , I looked for some natural remedies for my VOMITING AND NAUSEA : Sucking a piece of ice controls vomiting . Eat 1 / 2 tsp . ground cumin seeds . Cinnamon and sliced ginger work by interrupting nausea signals sent from the stomach to the brain . If you are an herbal tea drinker , simply sprinkle cinnamon on the tea and drink . To make ginger tea , simmer a few slices of ginger in hot tea water . Ai also gave me some helpful tips regarding this . Thanks Ai ! I hope it works ! Posted by I was just on the phone with my cousin who is 15 years old . He just called in to ask if he can drink the Coke in the refrigerator and if he can play the computer this afternoon . I immediately answered ' yes ' regarding the Coke but hesitated if I should allow him to play the computer . You see , this boy 's very addicted to online games that he even goes out of his way to know about call of duty cheats . He really should be banned from playing the computer on weekdays but I still have to learn to put my foot forward to take him out from his addiction . As I am looking for a nice name for baby # 2 , I stumbled into this page about celebrities ' real names . I really chuckled upon knowing that Caryn Elaine Johnson is actually Whoopi Goldberg and that Stanley Kirk Burrell is ( MC ) Hammer . Among the real names , I really liked Laura Jean Reese Witherspoon ( Reese Witherspoon ) . I would have preferred Susan Alexandra Weaver over Sigourney Weaver . I also like Robert James Ritchie better than his celebrity name as Kid Rock . But of course , I think I 'm more traditional and really their celebrity names sound more interesting . By the way , did you know that Aliaune Damala Bouga Time Puru Nacka Lu Lu Lu Badara Akon Thiam is now known simply as Akon ? Hmmm . I think I better think twice before giving a mouthful of names to my child . He / She might want to change it when he / she becomes famous ! Posted by On the topic of car hunting , I just sent my husband a copy of the repossessed cars that are up for sale in our sister company . You see , we regularly receive notices on the recently repossessed vehicles of the bank . There is a variety of car brands that you can chose from . And if you 're lucky you can catch a good deal on a New Ford or any car of your choice . Just last night , my husband and I decided to move ( read : sleep ) into my parents ' room from our original room in the attic . The room has been vacant since my Dad decided to re - marry and move to Batangas . And as you see , with my new pregnancy , we realized that we needed a bigger bed for us . Since my Dad 's bed is a king - size while our is a mere double bed , transfering to my parents ' room would really be the right thing to do ( plus there are less steps going up ) . Later on , when Zoe ( and baby # 2 ) will be a bit older and more independent , they can have our room in the attic . And as they progress to be students , our plan is to convert what is currently Zoe 's playroom in the attic into a study room cum library that is ideal for study . I don 't quite remember where I got this photo but this is more or less the design that I like . I find this such a perfect - fit for our attic space . I just thought of posting this so I won 't lose the idea . Posted by On the way to work today , my husband and I had a very interesting discussion about cars . You see , lately , I 've been fancying on selling our Toyota Corolla and buying a new one that 's would fit better our family 's needs . I actually told him that I had my mind set on either getting a Honda CRV , a BYD E6 Electric Car or any dependable SUV . But of course , we just cannot plunge and buy anything without studying the practicality and financial aspects of buying a new car . Aside from the price and reputation , what would matter to me also are the engine quality and size . In view of this , my husband suggested that we make a visit to some car dealers one time in order for us to have a more concrete idea of what we really want to buy . Of course , we also need to look at how our finances are doing and think if it is really practical to buy a new car at this point . With the economy going bad , it is sometimes scary to invest on depreciating goods such as a car . Do you agree ? Is it the right time to buy a car now during these hard times ? Your thoughts are very much welcome . Posted by I found this scanned picture of my parents as I was looking for some personal files . In this picture , they were both in their early 20s , very much in love and ready to take on the world . Looking at it makes me feel like crying . Advance happy birthday Nanay ! You would have been 62 years old this Sunday . I love you , I miss you and I know you 're watching over me all the time . : - ) I just realized now that by the time I give birth this year , it will be just a few weeks away from Halloween . Well , it 's never too early to plan , right ? I would probably be too busy by then to buy a costume for Zoe and for little one . So today , I looked through the internet for nice Halloween costumes for the kids . I definitely want them to look cutesy and huggable ! Maybe the whole family could even go in coordinating outfits like a set of Caveman costume like a Tarzan and Jane outfit or something like a his and hers costume for the kids ( if our second baby would be a boy ) . I looked through a collection of nice stuff for babies and found these really nice items for baby # 2 . If the baby will be a boy ( here 's just some wishful thinking on my part ) , I would love to buy this bell pepper bunting or this baseball outfit . I 'm pretty sure my husband would like to see his infant son inside a nice baseball jersey for babies since my husband is very much a baseball fan himself . I could just imagine father and son donning matching baseball outfits during the annual Halloween party in our village . That would be such a cute sight to watch ! Posted by It 's already almost nine o ' clock in the evening now and I 'm still here in the office trying to finish some tasks and overdue reports . Honestly , I feel so tired already . Not to mention my present condition now ( I 'm eight weeks pregnant , you see ) , anyone in my shoes right now would have packed her bag and rushed home to either to take care of her family or get that much needed dinner and rest . But yeah , it always seems that I have no other choice but to finish my work even if there is still tomorrow . I have an over - due report since last week which I need to submit to one of our big bosses . On the side , I think , " Who 's not a big boss in this office , anyway ? Why do they get my priorities crooked all the time ? ! " My boss and her family own the whole company ( which is worth billions of dollars ) , so it 's no joke to working here in this office . Many times , I wonder within myself if I should finally quit my present job , take up a PhD and start a career in teaching in the university . Way back in college , our teacher in Business asked us to do a Custom Essay about our plans 20 years from that time ( we were more or less 20 years old ) . It was a tough assignment that I even considered getting an Essay Writing Service . But no , this was too personal a paper to depend on a 3rd party to do it for me . I still clearly remember what I wrote in that particular paper . I said that at around 40 years old , after 20 years or so of successfully working in a big institution such as a bank , after studying and finishing a Masters degree in Business , get married to the man of my dreams , have good , intelligent and wonderful children and raise a happy family , I would be glad to avail of an early retirement and start to a new career as a professor in the academe . Yes , everything in that paper seems to be coming true except for the last part . I said that I wanted to go back to the academe and give back to the students what I have learned all those years in corporate life . I would probably teach business administration or something of that sort . I canVina I never knew the importance of having a good quality mailbox until I found my credit card billing statement torn opened and found in the middle of the street not so long ago . I still cringe at the thought that someone tried to meddle with my private mail . Since then , I had always been on a look out for the perfect mailbox . My search led me recently to a great online store that offers a vast selection of wonderful looking mailboxes for home and commercial use . Seattleluxe is there to bring not only security but added beauty to your home with their top quality mailbox merchandise . Upon seeing the site , I see a wide variety of choices . For me , form and beauty count as well as quality . Now I have found just the right type of mailbox that is perfect for our home - a wall - mounted mailbox that looks sturdy and classic - looking . This is kind of a delayed post ( since the activity already started ) . However , I would still like to share with you something interesting that you may want to attend . It 's a series of talk by Registered Nutritionist ( and my friend ) Che de Vega about grocerying , diet and healthy living . Just leave me a comment if you are interested to join me in the future talks . I was told too that after this set , the next activity would be a Home Management Course by Ms . Frannie Daez , the author of Keep it Together ( a home management book ) . I am sooo interested ! ! Do you want to be a winner ? If you know something about XML and DB2 , then maybe you would want to join the xml contest online and win lots of cool prices . Don 't know anything about XML but are interested to learn ? Well , you can still actually join other contests on their site . By joining , you can pick up a thing or two about XML and other applications that can be of big help to you especially if you are keen of making it in the IT industry someday . Some of my friends who are techie are so interested to get in this contest and have actually participated . XML is easy to learn , they say . So what are you waiting for ? Click on the links of the website www . xmlchallenge . com , sign in and be a WINNER . Posted by Since I am in the early stages of my second pregnancy , I 've stayed away from dusty places , perfume , mouth rinse , scented soaps , garlic , and other strong smelling - stuff . I avoid all these to prevent my stomach from getting sick and from probable allergies which I had experienced the last time . Due to this pregnancy too , I 've stayed away from my disorderly closet , book shelves , shoe cabinet , Zoe 's toys . . . in a word , from organizing . I prefer getting some sleep on weekend mid - mornings and resting in the bedroom . This baby is now more important than those stacks of clothes waiting to be put away , those envelope - full of papers and receipts needed to be filed , those toys waiting for me to organize . They would all have to wait when I am again able , strong and okay . Until then , the house will continue to function ( with the help of my family of course ) . Thank God for a " masipag " husband and reliable house - help ! Everybody already knows that the economy has never been this bad at least for the past ten years . I watch the latest news and feel really bad at the way the markets have turned and how it has been causing lay - offs , losses in investments and closing down of big companies . The fact is , those who were once high profile financial executives are now back to zero in their business . For my friends in marketing , I could only suggest to them not to lose hope . Although the cost of real estate properties has been slashed badly , there are still companies who can offer them Mortgage Leads through Voice Broadcasting that can result to deals and bottom - line sales . You only have to expand your market and look for the strategies that work . Posted by For the third time around , we again rented out our house to the producers from Channel 4 . I think the show now will be called Pangarap Kong Jackpot ( previously Count Your Blessings ) . The title 's like that because this is a show funded mainly by PCSO ata . Anyway , the main characters for this week - long episode are Dimples Romana and Baron Geisler . Oh di va ! I actually stopped myself from asking for a photo with the artistas . Besides , I couldn 't find the perfect timing . Anyway , just a short anecdote . . . I was watching them do a take from the living room and B . G . was holding a cig . I looked at him and when he saw me and greeted me with " Hello Ate " . Hehehe . Then he saw the suman that we have in the kitchen and asked me if we have Muscovado ( which we didn 't coz I gave away the Muscovado that I bought directly from Bacolod to my boss ) . I said " No , sorry ! " and he said " Ang sarap kasi ng itsura nung suman ninyo ( pointing at the plateful of suman on the table ) . " Hahaha . Yun lang . : - ) Surprisingly , the crew packed up earlier than before for which I was super glad . : - ) At least we needn 't lose sleep because of the taping at home . : - ) Anyway , we sometimes hear neighbors questioning our decision to allow these people to rent out our house for TV . They say that the money being paid to us is so small and it 's not worth the disturbance and the probable - damage that the crew may cause . Well , for us , it 's really no hassle . The TV crew are all very friendly . We even get to see artistas right in our very own living / bed room and get paid for it ( enough to pay for our monthly electric bill ) . So why not ? : - ) Posted by Well , well , well . What do ya ' know ? January 's almost over and I still haven 't blogged about my New Year 's resolution . Maybe it 's because I still haven 't taken it to heart up to now ( and I tend to forget lots of things anyway ) . DE - CLUTTER . That 's my resolution . It means : throwing out unnecessary papers - receipts , lists , stubs , tickets , and what - notfile those important papers IMMEDIATELY and not wait for all of it to pile up ( and get ready with all those labeled folders ) weed out clothes which have never been or seldom worn , don 't fit , damaged or are plain uglyuse only one calendar / notebook so no more sticky notesclean out bedroom cabinet which still has unopened presents and even wedding giftsget rid of left - overs in the fridge which have not been touched for a weekdeclutter office supplies ( I have too much of this really ) clean up the china cabinet fix baby 's toys sell or give away CDs and VCDs which are no longer wantedno to junk bags and junk drawers - - - just put them straight to where each one belongsA LOT OF HARD WORK AND PATIENCE Wish me luck ! I think the good thing about having a second baby is having a more familiar feeling about the whole pregnancy in general . As they say , " been there , done that " . In my case , I already know that this time , I need to be more vigilant and controlled in the diet aspect of my pregnancy lest I fall again into the trap of overeating , giving in to unhealthy foods and ending up gaining too much weight by the time I reach my full term . For this second pregnancy , my plan is to eat healthier . I want to erase my past mistake of not having a very healthy diet during the first time . So I plan to bring out our blender so that I can always have fresh and nutritious fruit drinks in the morning . I vow to make this ever - reliable home appliance my constant companion for the months ahead . I also would bring out our turbo broiler so I can have more broiled meat instead of fried . I will also eat lots of leafy green vegetables even if I don 't like it that much . And for the major thing , I want to give up eating junk food and drinking soft drink - - for this is my ultimate weakness . ( If you 're reading this Hunny , I hope you can help and support me on this ) . Believe me , I 'll do anything for this baby to be healthy , even if it takes a lot of temperance and self - mastery . So wish me luck ! Posted by Just reminiscing old pics of our previous travels to Iloilo . I was also a few weeks ' pregnant ( then with Zoe ) in these pictures . Looking forward to seeing Iloilo tomorrow . . . this time with Hunny , Zoe , and our new baby ( still in my womb ) . Last January 4 , we agreed to rent out again our humble home to the producers of Count Your Blessings ( airing daily , Monday to Friday , 5 : 00 p . m . at NBN Channel 4 ) . The episode which they were going to tape featured showbiz celebrities Sheree and Coco Martin . Sorry for not being updated but I never really heard about this guys prior to that day . So out of curiosity , I asked the others about their background . I heard from the neighbor that Sheree was part of Viva Hot Babes and that she has given birth already . In fairness , she 's friendly , sexy and pretty up close . I couldn 't believe that she 's already a mom ! I was afraid to ask her if she had undergone a tummy tuck for there seems to be no trace at all that she has been pregnant before , that is , compared to me who let my weight go up uncontrollably during and after my pregnancy . Anyway , if my job is to look sexy ( as in her case ) and if I had the resources ( which I don 't ) , I would gladly undergo a tummy tuck ! As for Coco Martin , he was also friendly and I could see that our two helpers were so ecstatic to see him in person . I heard that he has an acting award for a movie so I " googled " his name up and found pictures of him which were too sexy for me , so I stopped . Anyway , as before , part of our agreement with the director is not to use the house , especially the master 's bedroom , for scenes which are too sexy or too violent . My Dad specifically told us this . I think it 's good to point out this issue to the producer and the director . We said that we don 't want to be a contributor in spreading lewdness on TV . Instead , we only want to be part in sharing good moral lessons to the viewing public . Good thing the show Count Your Blessings is more or less okay . Leaving you with a picture : To continue my story from the last post , after breakfast , I had a sudden urge to go visit the weekend market in Makati after remembering the episode from Supermarket Chef of the Lifestyle Network Channel which we watched a couples of nights before . So even if there was a yummy lunch of Nilagang Baboy already prepared at home , my husband and I still decided to leave and catch whatever 's left before the market sellers packed away . Here are some pictures : We bought some vegetables , green mangoes ( ! ) , suman sa lihiya and other small things which I cannot remember anymore . For lunch , we contented ourselves with huge grilled hotdog sandwiches and a mango shake . After this mini - date , we headed to Glorietta to see what was on sale ( Zara and Mango were on sale but I didn 't have to urge to buy anything ) . We left empty - handed so we decided to go to our ever - favorite Conti 's in Serendra to buy Blueberry Cheese Cake ( my craving ) and some goodies which we will bring to party that we were supposed to attend . I super enjoyed this mini - field trip ! Thanks Hun . Posted by Last January 3 , I woke up very early so that I could go to Mass . After taking a bath and dressing up , I took a home pregnancy test to verify my suspicion . Actually , I knew deep inside that I was pregnant . I only needed a confirmation from a test . A few days before , I saw that I had some blood spots so I thought that my period was on the way . I actually almost cried at the thought that I 'm not pregnant . You see , we 've been hoping and praying for a blessing to come for the past how many months already . Anyway , when my period didn 't arrive on December 31 , I knew . I was so happy to see the two pink lines appear almost immediately . Pure bliss ! Since it was still too early to wake up my husband and baby who were both sleeping soundly , I left the HPT at the bathroom so that it would be easily seen by my husband when he gets up from bed . Then I headed off to go to Mass ( it was the first Saturday of the month ) . At mass , I couldn 't help but be emotional . I looked intensely at the Holy Eucharist being consecrated and I felt so happy , so grateful and so blessed . I texted my sister immediately after the mass because I couldn 't contain the joy that I was feeling . Anyway , I headed home after my thanksgiving after the mass and was welcomed by a BIG smile from my husband . I was sure he saw the HPT because he was already busy cooking up something special for breakfast . His first words were - - " two lines ! " It is a cause for a celebration ! He made us a creamy and cheesy egg omelet . It was delicious ! He added cream cheese , milk , cheddar cheese and some salt and pepper to the egg so it tasted so great ! That recipe in itself could be a subject for many of my House Everything 's and even my father 's textbooks ' Essay Examples . Actually , I find my husband 's cooking as a very interesting Essay Topic that I could go on and on talking and writing about it . I probably would even want to get a reputable group to send me a Custom Essay which features our favorite recipes and it would probably turn out to be the start of a nice novel like that ofVina Christmas Day is done and we 're still left with some ham from the feast . I wanted to make good use of the left - over ham , so when we had some friends coming over for dinner one time , I made Mac and Cheese for them . It was gastronomically sinful ( of course , I 'm a bit biased , hahaha ) . And then since I made a big bowl of this , there was still enough for next day 's lunch . Have you ever tasted any pasta that 's 2 or 3 days - old ? Well , in my opinion , it tastes even better because by that time , the pasta and the sauce have been mixed well together . Posted by Last Sunday , January 04 , 2009 , our family trooped all the way to Sta . Rosa , Laguna to attend the annual Christmas Party we have with our friends from way back . We got to know each other around 9 - 10 years ago when most of us were young , single and unattached . I was ( still is ) the youngest among the group and they all treated me like their young sister . This group consists of Pat , Fred , Owi , Tin - tin , Gina , Stella , Teng and myself . The other people who used to tag along but are now out of touch are Mandy , Hector , Pin and Dave . I still remember when we would go on out of town pilgrimages ( we still do actually ) and summer outings with our families . Our last get - together was during Pat and Fred 's daughter 's birthday party . Prior to that , we celebrated Christmas at Owi and Tin - tin 's brand new house in Merville . When before we were mostly single , many of us now are happily married with kids of our own . Pat and Fred already have two kids while Owi and Tin have 1 cute boy who is almost as old as our very own Zoe . Stella and Gina are still both very much single . All of these friends of ours are highly successful in their jobs . They are that successful that I could include their names as reference persons when I do my Resume Writing . Anyway , for this year , Pat and Fred hosted the Christmas Party at their newly - furnished home in Ayala Westgrove Heights . Their house is huge ! Zoe enjoyed every single minute playing with the other kids . We also enjoyed all the interesting stories of what happened to each one during the past year . One of the biggest news there is the decision of Pat to resign from her highly prestigious HR job in Ayala Group of Companies in order to be a full - time mother to her two kids , ages 7 and 4 . She was fortunate enough to avail of a special retirement package that gave her a huge amount of money that can cover the full payment of their house / lot and their new car plus also buy her enough time to be just at home until she decides what she wants to do next . I think she 's very lucky indeed ! Pat has climbed the corPosted by For New Year 's lunch , we decided to try out a new recipe which we saw on TV ( Supermarket Chef ) . We used this recipe plus incorporated the other version of the recipe that I found online . What about these recipes that fancied my husband ? BEER . Yup , the batter had beer in it . Tastes yummy . I 'm pasting here the Jamie Oliver 's version . FISH AND CHIPSRecipe courtesy Jamie Oliver IngredientsFor the chips : • 3 3 / 4 pints ( 2 liters ) vegetable oil • 2 pounds ( 950 grams ) floury potatoes , like russets , peeled and cut into large chipsFor the batter : • 1 cup plain flour • 1 cup beer • 2 egg whites , whipped to soft peaks • Salt • 4 ( 9 ounce / 250 gram ) fillets haddock or cod , skin on , and pin bonedDirectionsPour all the vegetable oil into a deep pan or deep fat fryer , and heat to 300 degrees F ( 160 degrees C . ) Blanch the cut potatoes in the oil until soft , but not colored , about 4 minutes . Remove and drain . Mix together the flour and the beer , then fold in the egg whites . Turn up the heat of the oil to 350 degrees F ( 180 degrees C ) . Dip the fish in the batter and fry for a few minutes with the chips until golden brown . Drain on kitchen paper and serve with bread and butter , wally 's ( battered , deep fried pickles served with ranch dressing ) , and pickled eggs . Before anything else , House Everything would like to greet you a very Happy New Year ! I know I 've lagged behind in my blogging for the past few days . Sorry dears ! I 'll just try my best to make up despite the bad internet connection at home . The past week has been so busy . We had lots and lots of partying , cooking , shopping , cleaning and organizing going around at home . With one more day left in our vacation ( which lasted a good 11 days , by the way ) , it is still far from over . We will still be going out of town tomorrow for a party with friends in Westgrove . Plus ( here 's the big thing ) , there will be another taping inside our house tomorrow . Yup , we have again agreed to rent out our house to the tv producers of Count Your Blessings for another shooting for one of their future episodes . We heard that Coco Martin and a Viva Hot Babe girl will be part of the main cast . Too bad we will only get a short glimpse of them since we are leaving right after lunch . Anyway , although I 'm glad to get extra money from this venture , I 'm also a bit worried because I know that the tv crew will be moving around much of our furniture . I really hope they don 't add more damage to our pitiful - looking living room furniture that is already old . If only we could buy a new living room set soon . We actually found some fantastic designs online that matches our mocha - colored walls and we 're looking forward to checking it soon . This will definitely be one of our top TO - BUY things for the house this 2009 . Posted by My 2 older kids both study now at PAREF . Luigi is now in Grade 1 while Zoe is in Grade 4 . How time flies ! Both schools also recently celebrated Filipino W . . .
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Pat sent me this cute blogger meme . Thanks Pat ! 1 . Each blogger must post these rules . 2 . Each blogger starts with ten random facts / habits about themselves . 3 . Bloggers that are tagged need to write ten facts about themselves . You need to choose ten people to tag and list their names . Here are my ten random facts / habits : 1 . I 'm a certified lefty . I was just reminded of this when I heard that Obama is a lefty too . 2 . I still have a cabinet - full of clothes which no longer fit ( wishing that someday , I 'll lose enough weight to start wearing them again ) . 3 . I really don 't go for chunky fashion jewelry . I prefer real classic gold jewelries . 4 . I used to know a bit of piano but lost interest because my teacher ( Mrs . Zummel ) was " amoy - lupa na " and I hated it ! Hahaha ! 5 . I have yet to find ' the ' hairdresser to give me that perfect cut . 6 . I 've been super grouchy lately . Bleh ~ bleh ~ bleh ~ 7 . One time , I cried when I saw our electric bill . Long story . 8 . I 'm a lousy bag - owner . Maybe that 's why my husband would probably never give me a bag that 's worth more than 10k . 9 . I love to read but I seem to have not found enough time to read . I 'd rather sleep really . 10 . I think that I love to eat more than I love to cook . I also like drinking occasionally but not often enough to undergo alcohol detox . Passing this meme to Iris , Jown and Alpha . Since I 've been on the edge because of my present condition , I looked for some natural remedies for my VOMITING AND NAUSEA : Sucking a piece of ice controls vomiting . Eat 1 / 2 tsp . ground cumin seeds . Cinnamon and sliced ginger work by interrupting nausea signals sent from the stomach to the brain . If you are an herbal tea drinker , simply sprinkle cinnamon on the tea and drink . To make ginger tea , simmer a few slices of ginger in hot tea water . Ai also gave me some helpful tips regarding this . Thanks Ai ! I hope it works ! Posted by I was just on the phone with my cousin who is 15 years old . He just called in to ask if he can drink the Coke in the refrigerator and if he can play the computer this afternoon . I immediately answered ' yes ' regarding the Coke but hesitated if I should allow him to play the computer . You see , this boy 's very addicted to online games that he even goes out of his way to know about call of duty cheats . He really should be banned from playing the computer on weekdays but I still have to learn to put my foot forward to take him out from his addiction . As I am looking for a nice name for baby # 2 , I stumbled into this page about celebrities ' real names . I really chuckled upon knowing that Caryn Elaine Johnson is actually Whoopi Goldberg and that Stanley Kirk Burrell is ( MC ) Hammer . Among the real names , I really liked Laura Jean Reese Witherspoon ( Reese Witherspoon ) . I would have preferred Susan Alexandra Weaver over Sigourney Weaver . I also like Robert James Ritchie better than his celebrity name as Kid Rock . But of course , I think I 'm more traditional and really their celebrity names sound more interesting . By the way , did you know that Aliaune Damala Bouga Time Puru Nacka Lu Lu Lu Badara Akon Thiam is now known simply as Akon ? Hmmm . I think I better think twice before giving a mouthful of names to my child . He / She might want to change it when he / she becomes famous ! Posted by On the topic of car hunting , I just sent my husband a copy of the repossessed cars that are up for sale in our sister company . You see , we regularly receive notices on the recently repossessed vehicles of the bank . There is a variety of car brands that you can chose from . And if you 're lucky you can catch a good deal on a New Ford or any car of your choice . Just last night , my husband and I decided to move ( read : sleep ) into my parents ' room from our original room in the attic . The room has been vacant since my Dad decided to re - marry and move to Batangas . And as you see , with my new pregnancy , we realized that we needed a bigger bed for us . Since my Dad 's bed is a king - size while our is a mere double bed , transfering to my parents ' room would really be the right thing to do ( plus there are less steps going up ) . Later on , when Zoe ( and baby # 2 ) will be a bit older and more independent , they can have our room in the attic . And as they progress to be students , our plan is to convert what is currently Zoe 's playroom in the attic into a study room cum library that is ideal for study . I don 't quite remember where I got this photo but this is more or less the design that I like . I find this such a perfect - fit for our attic space . I just thought of posting this so I won 't lose the idea . Posted by On the way to work today , my husband and I had a very interesting discussion about cars . You see , lately , I 've been fancying on selling our Toyota Corolla and buying a new one that 's would fit better our family 's needs . I actually told him that I had my mind set on either getting a Honda CRV , a BYD E6 Electric Car or any dependable SUV . But of course , we just cannot plunge and buy anything without studying the practicality and financial aspects of buying a new car . Aside from the price and reputation , what would matter to me also are the engine quality and size . In view of this , my husband suggested that we make a visit to some car dealers one time in order for us to have a more concrete idea of what we really want to buy . Of course , we also need to look at how our finances are doing and think if it is really practical to buy a new car at this point . With the economy going bad , it is sometimes scary to invest on depreciating goods such as a car . Do you agree ? Is it the right time to buy a car now during these hard times ? Your thoughts are very much welcome . Posted by I found this scanned picture of my parents as I was looking for some personal files . In this picture , they were both in their early 20s , very much in love and ready to take on the world . Looking at it makes me feel like crying . Advance happy birthday Nanay ! You would have been 62 years old this Sunday . I love you , I miss you and I know you 're watching over me all the time . : - ) I just realized now that by the time I give birth this year , it will be just a few weeks away from Halloween . Well , it 's never too early to plan , right ? I would probably be too busy by then to buy a costume for Zoe and for little one . So today , I looked through the internet for nice Halloween costumes for the kids . I definitely want them to look cutesy and huggable ! Maybe the whole family could even go in coordinating outfits like a set of Caveman costume like a Tarzan and Jane outfit or something like a his and hers costume for the kids ( if our second baby would be a boy ) . I looked through a collection of nice stuff for babies and found these really nice items for baby # 2 . If the baby will be a boy ( here 's just some wishful thinking on my part ) , I would love to buy this bell pepper bunting or this baseball outfit . I 'm pretty sure my husband would like to see his infant son inside a nice baseball jersey for babies since my husband is very much a baseball fan himself . I could just imagine father and son donning matching baseball outfits during the annual Halloween party in our village . That would be such a cute sight to watch ! Posted by It 's already almost nine o ' clock in the evening now and I 'm still here in the office trying to finish some tasks and overdue reports . Honestly , I feel so tired already . Not to mention my present condition now ( I 'm eight weeks pregnant , you see ) , anyone in my shoes right now would have packed her bag and rushed home to either to take care of her family or get that much needed dinner and rest . But yeah , it always seems that I have no other choice but to finish my work even if there is still tomorrow . I have an over - due report since last week which I need to submit to one of our big bosses . On the side , I think , " Who 's not a big boss in this office , anyway ? Why do they get my priorities crooked all the time ? ! " My boss and her family own the whole company ( which is worth billions of dollars ) , so it 's no joke to working here in this office . Many times , I wonder within myself if I should finally quit my present job , take up a PhD and start a career in teaching in the university . Way back in college , our teacher in Business asked us to do a Custom Essay about our plans 20 years from that time ( we were more or less 20 years old ) . It was a tough assignment that I even considered getting an Essay Writing Service . But no , this was too personal a paper to depend on a 3rd party to do it for me . I still clearly remember what I wrote in that particular paper . I said that at around 40 years old , after 20 years or so of successfully working in a big institution such as a bank , after studying and finishing a Masters degree in Business , get married to the man of my dreams , have good , intelligent and wonderful children and raise a happy family , I would be glad to avail of an early retirement and start to a new career as a professor in the academe . Yes , everything in that paper seems to be coming true except for the last part . I said that I wanted to go back to the academe and give back to the students what I have learned all those years in corporate life . I would probably teach business administration or something of that sort . I canVina I never knew the importance of having a good quality mailbox until I found my credit card billing statement torn opened and found in the middle of the street not so long ago . I still cringe at the thought that someone tried to meddle with my private mail . Since then , I had always been on a look out for the perfect mailbox . My search led me recently to a great online store that offers a vast selection of wonderful looking mailboxes for home and commercial use . Seattleluxe is there to bring not only security but added beauty to your home with their top quality mailbox merchandise . Upon seeing the site , I see a wide variety of choices . For me , form and beauty count as well as quality . Now I have found just the right type of mailbox that is perfect for our home - a wall - mounted mailbox that looks sturdy and classic - looking . This is kind of a delayed post ( since the activity already started ) . However , I would still like to share with you something interesting that you may want to attend . It 's a series of talk by Registered Nutritionist ( and my friend ) Che de Vega about grocerying , diet and healthy living . Just leave me a comment if you are interested to join me in the future talks . I was told too that after this set , the next activity would be a Home Management Course by Ms . Frannie Daez , the author of Keep it Together ( a home management book ) . I am sooo interested ! ! Do you want to be a winner ? If you know something about XML and DB2 , then maybe you would want to join the xml contest online and win lots of cool prices . Don 't know anything about XML but are interested to learn ? Well , you can still actually join other contests on their site . By joining , you can pick up a thing or two about XML and other applications that can be of big help to you especially if you are keen of making it in the IT industry someday . Some of my friends who are techie are so interested to get in this contest and have actually participated . XML is easy to learn , they say . So what are you waiting for ? Click on the links of the website www . xmlchallenge . com , sign in and be a WINNER . Posted by Since I am in the early stages of my second pregnancy , I 've stayed away from dusty places , perfume , mouth rinse , scented soaps , garlic , and other strong smelling - stuff . I avoid all these to prevent my stomach from getting sick and from probable allergies which I had experienced the last time . Due to this pregnancy too , I 've stayed away from my disorderly closet , book shelves , shoe cabinet , Zoe 's toys . . . in a word , from organizing . I prefer getting some sleep on weekend mid - mornings and resting in the bedroom . This baby is now more important than those stacks of clothes waiting to be put away , those envelope - full of papers and receipts needed to be filed , those toys waiting for me to organize . They would all have to wait when I am again able , strong and okay . Until then , the house will continue to function ( with the help of my family of course ) . Thank God for a " masipag " husband and reliable house - help ! Everybody already knows that the economy has never been this bad at least for the past ten years . I watch the latest news and feel really bad at the way the markets have turned and how it has been causing lay - offs , losses in investments and closing down of big companies . The fact is , those who were once high profile financial executives are now back to zero in their business . For my friends in marketing , I could only suggest to them not to lose hope . Although the cost of real estate properties has been slashed badly , there are still companies who can offer them Mortgage Leads through Voice Broadcasting that can result to deals and bottom - line sales . You only have to expand your market and look for the strategies that work . Posted by For the third time around , we again rented out our house to the producers from Channel 4 . I think the show now will be called Pangarap Kong Jackpot ( previously Count Your Blessings ) . The title 's like that because this is a show funded mainly by PCSO ata . Anyway , the main characters for this week - long episode are Dimples Romana and Baron Geisler . Oh di va ! I actually stopped myself from asking for a photo with the artistas . Besides , I couldn 't find the perfect timing . Anyway , just a short anecdote . . . I was watching them do a take from the living room and B . G . was holding a cig . I looked at him and when he saw me and greeted me with " Hello Ate " . Hehehe . Then he saw the suman that we have in the kitchen and asked me if we have Muscovado ( which we didn 't coz I gave away the Muscovado that I bought directly from Bacolod to my boss ) . I said " No , sorry ! " and he said " Ang sarap kasi ng itsura nung suman ninyo ( pointing at the plateful of suman on the table ) . " Hahaha . Yun lang . : - ) Surprisingly , the crew packed up earlier than before for which I was super glad . : - ) At least we needn 't lose sleep because of the taping at home . : - ) Anyway , we sometimes hear neighbors questioning our decision to allow these people to rent out our house for TV . They say that the money being paid to us is so small and it 's not worth the disturbance and the probable - damage that the crew may cause . Well , for us , it 's really no hassle . The TV crew are all very friendly . We even get to see artistas right in our very own living / bed room and get paid for it ( enough to pay for our monthly electric bill ) . So why not ? : - ) Posted by Well , well , well . What do ya ' know ? January 's almost over and I still haven 't blogged about my New Year 's resolution . Maybe it 's because I still haven 't taken it to heart up to now ( and I tend to forget lots of things anyway ) . DE - CLUTTER . That 's my resolution . It means : throwing out unnecessary papers - receipts , lists , stubs , tickets , and what - notfile those important papers IMMEDIATELY and not wait for all of it to pile up ( and get ready with all those labeled folders ) weed out clothes which have never been or seldom worn , don 't fit , damaged or are plain uglyuse only one calendar / notebook so no more sticky notesclean out bedroom cabinet which still has unopened presents and even wedding giftsget rid of left - overs in the fridge which have not been touched for a weekdeclutter office supplies ( I have too much of this really ) clean up the china cabinet fix baby 's toys sell or give away CDs and VCDs which are no longer wantedno to junk bags and junk drawers - - - just put them straight to where each one belongsA LOT OF HARD WORK AND PATIENCE Wish me luck ! I think the good thing about having a second baby is having a more familiar feeling about the whole pregnancy in general . As they say , " been there , done that " . In my case , I already know that this time , I need to be more vigilant and controlled in the diet aspect of my pregnancy lest I fall again into the trap of overeating , giving in to unhealthy foods and ending up gaining too much weight by the time I reach my full term . For this second pregnancy , my plan is to eat healthier . I want to erase my past mistake of not having a very healthy diet during the first time . So I plan to bring out our blender so that I can always have fresh and nutritious fruit drinks in the morning . I vow to make this ever - reliable home appliance my constant companion for the months ahead . I also would bring out our turbo broiler so I can have more broiled meat instead of fried . I will also eat lots of leafy green vegetables even if I don 't like it that much . And for the major thing , I want to give up eating junk food and drinking soft drink - - for this is my ultimate weakness . ( If you 're reading this Hunny , I hope you can help and support me on this ) . Believe me , I 'll do anything for this baby to be healthy , even if it takes a lot of temperance and self - mastery . So wish me luck ! Posted by Just reminiscing old pics of our previous travels to Iloilo . I was also a few weeks ' pregnant ( then with Zoe ) in these pictures . Looking forward to seeing Iloilo tomorrow . . . this time with Hunny , Zoe , and our new baby ( still in my womb ) . Last January 4 , we agreed to rent out again our humble home to the producers of Count Your Blessings ( airing daily , Monday to Friday , 5 : 00 p . m . at NBN Channel 4 ) . The episode which they were going to tape featured showbiz celebrities Sheree and Coco Martin . Sorry for not being updated but I never really heard about this guys prior to that day . So out of curiosity , I asked the others about their background . I heard from the neighbor that Sheree was part of Viva Hot Babes and that she has given birth already . In fairness , she 's friendly , sexy and pretty up close . I couldn 't believe that she 's already a mom ! I was afraid to ask her if she had undergone a tummy tuck for there seems to be no trace at all that she has been pregnant before , that is , compared to me who let my weight go up uncontrollably during and after my pregnancy . Anyway , if my job is to look sexy ( as in her case ) and if I had the resources ( which I don 't ) , I would gladly undergo a tummy tuck ! As for Coco Martin , he was also friendly and I could see that our two helpers were so ecstatic to see him in person . I heard that he has an acting award for a movie so I " googled " his name up and found pictures of him which were too sexy for me , so I stopped . Anyway , as before , part of our agreement with the director is not to use the house , especially the master 's bedroom , for scenes which are too sexy or too violent . My Dad specifically told us this . I think it 's good to point out this issue to the producer and the director . We said that we don 't want to be a contributor in spreading lewdness on TV . Instead , we only want to be part in sharing good moral lessons to the viewing public . Good thing the show Count Your Blessings is more or less okay . Leaving you with a picture : To continue my story from the last post , after breakfast , I had a sudden urge to go visit the weekend market in Makati after remembering the episode from Supermarket Chef of the Lifestyle Network Channel which we watched a couples of nights before . So even if there was a yummy lunch of Nilagang Baboy already prepared at home , my husband and I still decided to leave and catch whatever 's left before the market sellers packed away . Here are some pictures : We bought some vegetables , green mangoes ( ! ) , suman sa lihiya and other small things which I cannot remember anymore . For lunch , we contented ourselves with huge grilled hotdog sandwiches and a mango shake . After this mini - date , we headed to Glorietta to see what was on sale ( Zara and Mango were on sale but I didn 't have to urge to buy anything ) . We left empty - handed so we decided to go to our ever - favorite Conti 's in Serendra to buy Blueberry Cheese Cake ( my craving ) and some goodies which we will bring to party that we were supposed to attend . I super enjoyed this mini - field trip ! Thanks Hun . Posted by Last January 3 , I woke up very early so that I could go to Mass . After taking a bath and dressing up , I took a home pregnancy test to verify my suspicion . Actually , I knew deep inside that I was pregnant . I only needed a confirmation from a test . A few days before , I saw that I had some blood spots so I thought that my period was on the way . I actually almost cried at the thought that I 'm not pregnant . You see , we 've been hoping and praying for a blessing to come for the past how many months already . Anyway , when my period didn 't arrive on December 31 , I knew . I was so happy to see the two pink lines appear almost immediately . Pure bliss ! Since it was still too early to wake up my husband and baby who were both sleeping soundly , I left the HPT at the bathroom so that it would be easily seen by my husband when he gets up from bed . Then I headed off to go to Mass ( it was the first Saturday of the month ) . At mass , I couldn 't help but be emotional . I looked intensely at the Holy Eucharist being consecrated and I felt so happy , so grateful and so blessed . I texted my sister immediately after the mass because I couldn 't contain the joy that I was feeling . Anyway , I headed home after my thanksgiving after the mass and was welcomed by a BIG smile from my husband . I was sure he saw the HPT because he was already busy cooking up something special for breakfast . His first words were - - " two lines ! " It is a cause for a celebration ! He made us a creamy and cheesy egg omelet . It was delicious ! He added cream cheese , milk , cheddar cheese and some salt and pepper to the egg so it tasted so great ! That recipe in itself could be a subject for many of my House Everything 's and even my father 's textbooks ' Essay Examples . Actually , I find my husband 's cooking as a very interesting Essay Topic that I could go on and on talking and writing about it . I probably would even want to get a reputable group to send me a Custom Essay which features our favorite recipes and it would probably turn out to be the start of a nice novel like that ofVina Christmas Day is done and we 're still left with some ham from the feast . I wanted to make good use of the left - over ham , so when we had some friends coming over for dinner one time , I made Mac and Cheese for them . It was gastronomically sinful ( of course , I 'm a bit biased , hahaha ) . And then since I made a big bowl of this , there was still enough for next day 's lunch . Have you ever tasted any pasta that 's 2 or 3 days - old ? Well , in my opinion , it tastes even better because by that time , the pasta and the sauce have been mixed well together . Posted by Last Sunday , January 04 , 2009 , our family trooped all the way to Sta . Rosa , Laguna to attend the annual Christmas Party we have with our friends from way back . We got to know each other around 9 - 10 years ago when most of us were young , single and unattached . I was ( still is ) the youngest among the group and they all treated me like their young sister . This group consists of Pat , Fred , Owi , Tin - tin , Gina , Stella , Teng and myself . The other people who used to tag along but are now out of touch are Mandy , Hector , Pin and Dave . I still remember when we would go on out of town pilgrimages ( we still do actually ) and summer outings with our families . Our last get - together was during Pat and Fred 's daughter 's birthday party . Prior to that , we celebrated Christmas at Owi and Tin - tin 's brand new house in Merville . When before we were mostly single , many of us now are happily married with kids of our own . Pat and Fred already have two kids while Owi and Tin have 1 cute boy who is almost as old as our very own Zoe . Stella and Gina are still both very much single . All of these friends of ours are highly successful in their jobs . They are that successful that I could include their names as reference persons when I do my Resume Writing . Anyway , for this year , Pat and Fred hosted the Christmas Party at their newly - furnished home in Ayala Westgrove Heights . Their house is huge ! Zoe enjoyed every single minute playing with the other kids . We also enjoyed all the interesting stories of what happened to each one during the past year . One of the biggest news there is the decision of Pat to resign from her highly prestigious HR job in Ayala Group of Companies in order to be a full - time mother to her two kids , ages 7 and 4 . She was fortunate enough to avail of a special retirement package that gave her a huge amount of money that can cover the full payment of their house / lot and their new car plus also buy her enough time to be just at home until she decides what she wants to do next . I think she 's very lucky indeed ! Pat has climbed the corPosted by For New Year 's lunch , we decided to try out a new recipe which we saw on TV ( Supermarket Chef ) . We used this recipe plus incorporated the other version of the recipe that I found online . What about these recipes that fancied my husband ? BEER . Yup , the batter had beer in it . Tastes yummy . I 'm pasting here the Jamie Oliver 's version . FISH AND CHIPSRecipe courtesy Jamie Oliver IngredientsFor the chips : • 3 3 / 4 pints ( 2 liters ) vegetable oil • 2 pounds ( 950 grams ) floury potatoes , like russets , peeled and cut into large chipsFor the batter : • 1 cup plain flour • 1 cup beer • 2 egg whites , whipped to soft peaks • Salt • 4 ( 9 ounce / 250 gram ) fillets haddock or cod , skin on , and pin bonedDirectionsPour all the vegetable oil into a deep pan or deep fat fryer , and heat to 300 degrees F ( 160 degrees C . ) Blanch the cut potatoes in the oil until soft , but not colored , about 4 minutes . Remove and drain . Mix together the flour and the beer , then fold in the egg whites . Turn up the heat of the oil to 350 degrees F ( 180 degrees C ) . Dip the fish in the batter and fry for a few minutes with the chips until golden brown . Drain on kitchen paper and serve with bread and butter , wally 's ( battered , deep fried pickles served with ranch dressing ) , and pickled eggs . Before anything else , House Everything would like to greet you a very Happy New Year ! I know I 've lagged behind in my blogging for the past few days . Sorry dears ! I 'll just try my best to make up despite the bad internet connection at home . The past week has been so busy . We had lots and lots of partying , cooking , shopping , cleaning and organizing going around at home . With one more day left in our vacation ( which lasted a good 11 days , by the way ) , it is still far from over . We will still be going out of town tomorrow for a party with friends in Westgrove . Plus ( here 's the big thing ) , there will be another taping inside our house tomorrow . Yup , we have again agreed to rent out our house to the tv producers of Count Your Blessings for another shooting for one of their future episodes . We heard that Coco Martin and a Viva Hot Babe girl will be part of the main cast . Too bad we will only get a short glimpse of them since we are leaving right after lunch . Anyway , although I 'm glad to get extra money from this venture , I 'm also a bit worried because I know that the tv crew will be moving around much of our furniture . I really hope they don 't add more damage to our pitiful - looking living room furniture that is already old . If only we could buy a new living room set soon . We actually found some fantastic designs online that matches our mocha - colored walls and we 're looking forward to checking it soon . This will definitely be one of our top TO - BUY things for the house this 2009 . Posted by My 2 older kids both study now at PAREF . Luigi is now in Grade 1 while Zoe is in Grade 4 . How time flies ! Both schools also recently celebrated Filipino W . . .
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Pat sent me this cute blogger meme . Thanks Pat ! 1 . Each blogger must post these rules . 2 . Each blogger starts with ten random facts / habits about themselves . 3 . Bloggers that are tagged need to write ten facts about themselves . You need to choose ten people to tag and list their names . Here are my ten random facts / habits : 1 . I 'm a certified lefty . I was just reminded of this when I heard that Obama is a lefty too . 2 . I still have a cabinet - full of clothes which no longer fit ( wishing that someday , I 'll lose enough weight to start wearing them again ) . 3 . I really don 't go for chunky fashion jewelry . I prefer real classic gold jewelries . 4 . I used to know a bit of piano but lost interest because my teacher ( Mrs . Zummel ) was " amoy - lupa na " and I hated it ! Hahaha ! 5 . I have yet to find ' the ' hairdresser to give me that perfect cut . 6 . I 've been super grouchy lately . Bleh ~ bleh ~ bleh ~ 7 . One time , I cried when I saw our electric bill . Long story . 8 . I 'm a lousy bag - owner . Maybe that 's why my husband would probably never give me a bag that 's worth more than 10k . 9 . I love to read but I seem to have not found enough time to read . I 'd rather sleep really . 10 . I think that I love to eat more than I love to cook . I also like drinking occasionally but not often enough to undergo alcohol detox . Passing this meme to Iris , Jown and Alpha . Since I 've been on the edge because of my present condition , I looked for some natural remedies for my VOMITING AND NAUSEA : Sucking a piece of ice controls vomiting . Eat 1 / 2 tsp . ground cumin seeds . Cinnamon and sliced ginger work by interrupting nausea signals sent from the stomach to the brain . If you are an herbal tea drinker , simply sprinkle cinnamon on the tea and drink . To make ginger tea , simmer a few slices of ginger in hot tea water . Ai also gave me some helpful tips regarding this . Thanks Ai ! I hope it works ! Posted by I was just on the phone with my cousin who is 15 years old . He just called in to ask if he can drink the Coke in the refrigerator and if he can play the computer this afternoon . I immediately answered ' yes ' regarding the Coke but hesitated if I should allow him to play the computer . You see , this boy 's very addicted to online games that he even goes out of his way to know about call of duty cheats . He really should be banned from playing the computer on weekdays but I still have to learn to put my foot forward to take him out from his addiction . As I am looking for a nice name for baby # 2 , I stumbled into this page about celebrities ' real names . I really chuckled upon knowing that Caryn Elaine Johnson is actually Whoopi Goldberg and that Stanley Kirk Burrell is ( MC ) Hammer . Among the real names , I really liked Laura Jean Reese Witherspoon ( Reese Witherspoon ) . I would have preferred Susan Alexandra Weaver over Sigourney Weaver . I also like Robert James Ritchie better than his celebrity name as Kid Rock . But of course , I think I 'm more traditional and really their celebrity names sound more interesting . By the way , did you know that Aliaune Damala Bouga Time Puru Nacka Lu Lu Lu Badara Akon Thiam is now known simply as Akon ? Hmmm . I think I better think twice before giving a mouthful of names to my child . He / She might want to change it when he / she becomes famous ! Posted by On the topic of car hunting , I just sent my husband a copy of the repossessed cars that are up for sale in our sister company . You see , we regularly receive notices on the recently repossessed vehicles of the bank . There is a variety of car brands that you can chose from . And if you 're lucky you can catch a good deal on a New Ford or any car of your choice . Just last night , my husband and I decided to move ( read : sleep ) into my parents ' room from our original room in the attic . The room has been vacant since my Dad decided to re - marry and move to Batangas . And as you see , with my new pregnancy , we realized that we needed a bigger bed for us . Since my Dad 's bed is a king - size while our is a mere double bed , transfering to my parents ' room would really be the right thing to do ( plus there are less steps going up ) . Later on , when Zoe ( and baby # 2 ) will be a bit older and more independent , they can have our room in the attic . And as they progress to be students , our plan is to convert what is currently Zoe 's playroom in the attic into a study room cum library that is ideal for study . I don 't quite remember where I got this photo but this is more or less the design that I like . I find this such a perfect - fit for our attic space . I just thought of posting this so I won 't lose the idea . Posted by On the way to work today , my husband and I had a very interesting discussion about cars . You see , lately , I 've been fancying on selling our Toyota Corolla and buying a new one that 's would fit better our family 's needs . I actually told him that I had my mind set on either getting a Honda CRV , a BYD E6 Electric Car or any dependable SUV . But of course , we just cannot plunge and buy anything without studying the practicality and financial aspects of buying a new car . Aside from the price and reputation , what would matter to me also are the engine quality and size . In view of this , my husband suggested that we make a visit to some car dealers one time in order for us to have a more concrete idea of what we really want to buy . Of course , we also need to look at how our finances are doing and think if it is really practical to buy a new car at this point . With the economy going bad , it is sometimes scary to invest on depreciating goods such as a car . Do you agree ? Is it the right time to buy a car now during these hard times ? Your thoughts are very much welcome . Posted by I found this scanned picture of my parents as I was looking for some personal files . In this picture , they were both in their early 20s , very much in love and ready to take on the world . Looking at it makes me feel like crying . Advance happy birthday Nanay ! You would have been 62 years old this Sunday . I love you , I miss you and I know you 're watching over me all the time . : - ) I just realized now that by the time I give birth this year , it will be just a few weeks away from Halloween . Well , it 's never too early to plan , right ? I would probably be too busy by then to buy a costume for Zoe and for little one . So today , I looked through the internet for nice Halloween costumes for the kids . I definitely want them to look cutesy and huggable ! Maybe the whole family could even go in coordinating outfits like a set of Caveman costume like a Tarzan and Jane outfit or something like a his and hers costume for the kids ( if our second baby would be a boy ) . I looked through a collection of nice stuff for babies and found these really nice items for baby # 2 . If the baby will be a boy ( here 's just some wishful thinking on my part ) , I would love to buy this bell pepper bunting or this baseball outfit . I 'm pretty sure my husband would like to see his infant son inside a nice baseball jersey for babies since my husband is very much a baseball fan himself . I could just imagine father and son donning matching baseball outfits during the annual Halloween party in our village . That would be such a cute sight to watch ! Posted by It 's already almost nine o ' clock in the evening now and I 'm still here in the office trying to finish some tasks and overdue reports . Honestly , I feel so tired already . Not to mention my present condition now ( I 'm eight weeks pregnant , you see ) , anyone in my shoes right now would have packed her bag and rushed home to either to take care of her family or get that much needed dinner and rest . But yeah , it always seems that I have no other choice but to finish my work even if there is still tomorrow . I have an over - due report since last week which I need to submit to one of our big bosses . On the side , I think , " Who 's not a big boss in this office , anyway ? Why do they get my priorities crooked all the time ? ! " My boss and her family own the whole company ( which is worth billions of dollars ) , so it 's no joke to working here in this office . Many times , I wonder within myself if I should finally quit my present job , take up a PhD and start a career in teaching in the university . Way back in college , our teacher in Business asked us to do a Custom Essay about our plans 20 years from that time ( we were more or less 20 years old ) . It was a tough assignment that I even considered getting an Essay Writing Service . But no , this was too personal a paper to depend on a 3rd party to do it for me . I still clearly remember what I wrote in that particular paper . I said that at around 40 years old , after 20 years or so of successfully working in a big institution such as a bank , after studying and finishing a Masters degree in Business , get married to the man of my dreams , have good , intelligent and wonderful children and raise a happy family , I would be glad to avail of an early retirement and start to a new career as a professor in the academe . Yes , everything in that paper seems to be coming true except for the last part . I said that I wanted to go back to the academe and give back to the students what I have learned all those years in corporate life . I would probably teach business administration or something of that sort . I canVina I never knew the importance of having a good quality mailbox until I found my credit card billing statement torn opened and found in the middle of the street not so long ago . I still cringe at the thought that someone tried to meddle with my private mail . Since then , I had always been on a look out for the perfect mailbox . My search led me recently to a great online store that offers a vast selection of wonderful looking mailboxes for home and commercial use . Seattleluxe is there to bring not only security but added beauty to your home with their top quality mailbox merchandise . Upon seeing the site , I see a wide variety of choices . For me , form and beauty count as well as quality . Now I have found just the right type of mailbox that is perfect for our home - a wall - mounted mailbox that looks sturdy and classic - looking . This is kind of a delayed post ( since the activity already started ) . However , I would still like to share with you something interesting that you may want to attend . It 's a series of talk by Registered Nutritionist ( and my friend ) Che de Vega about grocerying , diet and healthy living . Just leave me a comment if you are interested to join me in the future talks . I was told too that after this set , the next activity would be a Home Management Course by Ms . Frannie Daez , the author of Keep it Together ( a home management book ) . I am sooo interested ! ! Do you want to be a winner ? If you know something about XML and DB2 , then maybe you would want to join the xml contest online and win lots of cool prices . Don 't know anything about XML but are interested to learn ? Well , you can still actually join other contests on their site . By joining , you can pick up a thing or two about XML and other applications that can be of big help to you especially if you are keen of making it in the IT industry someday . Some of my friends who are techie are so interested to get in this contest and have actually participated . XML is easy to learn , they say . So what are you waiting for ? Click on the links of the website www . xmlchallenge . com , sign in and be a WINNER . Posted by Since I am in the early stages of my second pregnancy , I 've stayed away from dusty places , perfume , mouth rinse , scented soaps , garlic , and other strong smelling - stuff . I avoid all these to prevent my stomach from getting sick and from probable allergies which I had experienced the last time . Due to this pregnancy too , I 've stayed away from my disorderly closet , book shelves , shoe cabinet , Zoe 's toys . . . in a word , from organizing . I prefer getting some sleep on weekend mid - mornings and resting in the bedroom . This baby is now more important than those stacks of clothes waiting to be put away , those envelope - full of papers and receipts needed to be filed , those toys waiting for me to organize . They would all have to wait when I am again able , strong and okay . Until then , the house will continue to function ( with the help of my family of course ) . Thank God for a " masipag " husband and reliable house - help ! Everybody already knows that the economy has never been this bad at least for the past ten years . I watch the latest news and feel really bad at the way the markets have turned and how it has been causing lay - offs , losses in investments and closing down of big companies . The fact is , those who were once high profile financial executives are now back to zero in their business . For my friends in marketing , I could only suggest to them not to lose hope . Although the cost of real estate properties has been slashed badly , there are still companies who can offer them Mortgage Leads through Voice Broadcasting that can result to deals and bottom - line sales . You only have to expand your market and look for the strategies that work . Posted by For the third time around , we again rented out our house to the producers from Channel 4 . I think the show now will be called Pangarap Kong Jackpot ( previously Count Your Blessings ) . The title 's like that because this is a show funded mainly by PCSO ata . Anyway , the main characters for this week - long episode are Dimples Romana and Baron Geisler . Oh di va ! I actually stopped myself from asking for a photo with the artistas . Besides , I couldn 't find the perfect timing . Anyway , just a short anecdote . . . I was watching them do a take from the living room and B . G . was holding a cig . I looked at him and when he saw me and greeted me with " Hello Ate " . Hehehe . Then he saw the suman that we have in the kitchen and asked me if we have Muscovado ( which we didn 't coz I gave away the Muscovado that I bought directly from Bacolod to my boss ) . I said " No , sorry ! " and he said " Ang sarap kasi ng itsura nung suman ninyo ( pointing at the plateful of suman on the table ) . " Hahaha . Yun lang . : - ) Surprisingly , the crew packed up earlier than before for which I was super glad . : - ) At least we needn 't lose sleep because of the taping at home . : - ) Anyway , we sometimes hear neighbors questioning our decision to allow these people to rent out our house for TV . They say that the money being paid to us is so small and it 's not worth the disturbance and the probable - damage that the crew may cause . Well , for us , it 's really no hassle . The TV crew are all very friendly . We even get to see artistas right in our very own living / bed room and get paid for it ( enough to pay for our monthly electric bill ) . So why not ? : - ) Posted by Well , well , well . What do ya ' know ? January 's almost over and I still haven 't blogged about my New Year 's resolution . Maybe it 's because I still haven 't taken it to heart up to now ( and I tend to forget lots of things anyway ) . DE - CLUTTER . That 's my resolution . It means : throwing out unnecessary papers - receipts , lists , stubs , tickets , and what - notfile those important papers IMMEDIATELY and not wait for all of it to pile up ( and get ready with all those labeled folders ) weed out clothes which have never been or seldom worn , don 't fit , damaged or are plain uglyuse only one calendar / notebook so no more sticky notesclean out bedroom cabinet which still has unopened presents and even wedding giftsget rid of left - overs in the fridge which have not been touched for a weekdeclutter office supplies ( I have too much of this really ) clean up the china cabinet fix baby 's toys sell or give away CDs and VCDs which are no longer wantedno to junk bags and junk drawers - - - just put them straight to where each one belongsA LOT OF HARD WORK AND PATIENCE Wish me luck ! I think the good thing about having a second baby is having a more familiar feeling about the whole pregnancy in general . As they say , " been there , done that " . In my case , I already know that this time , I need to be more vigilant and controlled in the diet aspect of my pregnancy lest I fall again into the trap of overeating , giving in to unhealthy foods and ending up gaining too much weight by the time I reach my full term . For this second pregnancy , my plan is to eat healthier . I want to erase my past mistake of not having a very healthy diet during the first time . So I plan to bring out our blender so that I can always have fresh and nutritious fruit drinks in the morning . I vow to make this ever - reliable home appliance my constant companion for the months ahead . I also would bring out our turbo broiler so I can have more broiled meat instead of fried . I will also eat lots of leafy green vegetables even if I don 't like it that much . And for the major thing , I want to give up eating junk food and drinking soft drink - - for this is my ultimate weakness . ( If you 're reading this Hunny , I hope you can help and support me on this ) . Believe me , I 'll do anything for this baby to be healthy , even if it takes a lot of temperance and self - mastery . So wish me luck ! Posted by Just reminiscing old pics of our previous travels to Iloilo . I was also a few weeks ' pregnant ( then with Zoe ) in these pictures . Looking forward to seeing Iloilo tomorrow . . . this time with Hunny , Zoe , and our new baby ( still in my womb ) . Last January 4 , we agreed to rent out again our humble home to the producers of Count Your Blessings ( airing daily , Monday to Friday , 5 : 00 p . m . at NBN Channel 4 ) . The episode which they were going to tape featured showbiz celebrities Sheree and Coco Martin . Sorry for not being updated but I never really heard about this guys prior to that day . So out of curiosity , I asked the others about their background . I heard from the neighbor that Sheree was part of Viva Hot Babes and that she has given birth already . In fairness , she 's friendly , sexy and pretty up close . I couldn 't believe that she 's already a mom ! I was afraid to ask her if she had undergone a tummy tuck for there seems to be no trace at all that she has been pregnant before , that is , compared to me who let my weight go up uncontrollably during and after my pregnancy . Anyway , if my job is to look sexy ( as in her case ) and if I had the resources ( which I don 't ) , I would gladly undergo a tummy tuck ! As for Coco Martin , he was also friendly and I could see that our two helpers were so ecstatic to see him in person . I heard that he has an acting award for a movie so I " googled " his name up and found pictures of him which were too sexy for me , so I stopped . Anyway , as before , part of our agreement with the director is not to use the house , especially the master 's bedroom , for scenes which are too sexy or too violent . My Dad specifically told us this . I think it 's good to point out this issue to the producer and the director . We said that we don 't want to be a contributor in spreading lewdness on TV . Instead , we only want to be part in sharing good moral lessons to the viewing public . Good thing the show Count Your Blessings is more or less okay . Leaving you with a picture : To continue my story from the last post , after breakfast , I had a sudden urge to go visit the weekend market in Makati after remembering the episode from Supermarket Chef of the Lifestyle Network Channel which we watched a couples of nights before . So even if there was a yummy lunch of Nilagang Baboy already prepared at home , my husband and I still decided to leave and catch whatever 's left before the market sellers packed away . Here are some pictures : We bought some vegetables , green mangoes ( ! ) , suman sa lihiya and other small things which I cannot remember anymore . For lunch , we contented ourselves with huge grilled hotdog sandwiches and a mango shake . After this mini - date , we headed to Glorietta to see what was on sale ( Zara and Mango were on sale but I didn 't have to urge to buy anything ) . We left empty - handed so we decided to go to our ever - favorite Conti 's in Serendra to buy Blueberry Cheese Cake ( my craving ) and some goodies which we will bring to party that we were supposed to attend . I super enjoyed this mini - field trip ! Thanks Hun . Posted by Last January 3 , I woke up very early so that I could go to Mass . After taking a bath and dressing up , I took a home pregnancy test to verify my suspicion . Actually , I knew deep inside that I was pregnant . I only needed a confirmation from a test . A few days before , I saw that I had some blood spots so I thought that my period was on the way . I actually almost cried at the thought that I 'm not pregnant . You see , we 've been hoping and praying for a blessing to come for the past how many months already . Anyway , when my period didn 't arrive on December 31 , I knew . I was so happy to see the two pink lines appear almost immediately . Pure bliss ! Since it was still too early to wake up my husband and baby who were both sleeping soundly , I left the HPT at the bathroom so that it would be easily seen by my husband when he gets up from bed . Then I headed off to go to Mass ( it was the first Saturday of the month ) . At mass , I couldn 't help but be emotional . I looked intensely at the Holy Eucharist being consecrated and I felt so happy , so grateful and so blessed . I texted my sister immediately after the mass because I couldn 't contain the joy that I was feeling . Anyway , I headed home after my thanksgiving after the mass and was welcomed by a BIG smile from my husband . I was sure he saw the HPT because he was already busy cooking up something special for breakfast . His first words were - - " two lines ! " It is a cause for a celebration ! He made us a creamy and cheesy egg omelet . It was delicious ! He added cream cheese , milk , cheddar cheese and some salt and pepper to the egg so it tasted so great ! That recipe in itself could be a subject for many of my House Everything 's and even my father 's textbooks ' Essay Examples . Actually , I find my husband 's cooking as a very interesting Essay Topic that I could go on and on talking and writing about it . I probably would even want to get a reputable group to send me a Custom Essay which features our favorite recipes and it would probably turn out to be the start of a nice novel like that ofVina Christmas Day is done and we 're still left with some ham from the feast . I wanted to make good use of the left - over ham , so when we had some friends coming over for dinner one time , I made Mac and Cheese for them . It was gastronomically sinful ( of course , I 'm a bit biased , hahaha ) . And then since I made a big bowl of this , there was still enough for next day 's lunch . Have you ever tasted any pasta that 's 2 or 3 days - old ? Well , in my opinion , it tastes even better because by that time , the pasta and the sauce have been mixed well together . Posted by Last Sunday , January 04 , 2009 , our family trooped all the way to Sta . Rosa , Laguna to attend the annual Christmas Party we have with our friends from way back . We got to know each other around 9 - 10 years ago when most of us were young , single and unattached . I was ( still is ) the youngest among the group and they all treated me like their young sister . This group consists of Pat , Fred , Owi , Tin - tin , Gina , Stella , Teng and myself . The other people who used to tag along but are now out of touch are Mandy , Hector , Pin and Dave . I still remember when we would go on out of town pilgrimages ( we still do actually ) and summer outings with our families . Our last get - together was during Pat and Fred 's daughter 's birthday party . Prior to that , we celebrated Christmas at Owi and Tin - tin 's brand new house in Merville . When before we were mostly single , many of us now are happily married with kids of our own . Pat and Fred already have two kids while Owi and Tin have 1 cute boy who is almost as old as our very own Zoe . Stella and Gina are still both very much single . All of these friends of ours are highly successful in their jobs . They are that successful that I could include their names as reference persons when I do my Resume Writing . Anyway , for this year , Pat and Fred hosted the Christmas Party at their newly - furnished home in Ayala Westgrove Heights . Their house is huge ! Zoe enjoyed every single minute playing with the other kids . We also enjoyed all the interesting stories of what happened to each one during the past year . One of the biggest news there is the decision of Pat to resign from her highly prestigious HR job in Ayala Group of Companies in order to be a full - time mother to her two kids , ages 7 and 4 . She was fortunate enough to avail of a special retirement package that gave her a huge amount of money that can cover the full payment of their house / lot and their new car plus also buy her enough time to be just at home until she decides what she wants to do next . I think she 's very lucky indeed ! Pat has climbed the corPosted by For New Year 's lunch , we decided to try out a new recipe which we saw on TV ( Supermarket Chef ) . We used this recipe plus incorporated the other version of the recipe that I found online . What about these recipes that fancied my husband ? BEER . Yup , the batter had beer in it . Tastes yummy . I 'm pasting here the Jamie Oliver 's version . FISH AND CHIPSRecipe courtesy Jamie Oliver IngredientsFor the chips : • 3 3 / 4 pints ( 2 liters ) vegetable oil • 2 pounds ( 950 grams ) floury potatoes , like russets , peeled and cut into large chipsFor the batter : • 1 cup plain flour • 1 cup beer • 2 egg whites , whipped to soft peaks • Salt • 4 ( 9 ounce / 250 gram ) fillets haddock or cod , skin on , and pin bonedDirectionsPour all the vegetable oil into a deep pan or deep fat fryer , and heat to 300 degrees F ( 160 degrees C . ) Blanch the cut potatoes in the oil until soft , but not colored , about 4 minutes . Remove and drain . Mix together the flour and the beer , then fold in the egg whites . Turn up the heat of the oil to 350 degrees F ( 180 degrees C ) . Dip the fish in the batter and fry for a few minutes with the chips until golden brown . Drain on kitchen paper and serve with bread and butter , wally 's ( battered , deep fried pickles served with ranch dressing ) , and pickled eggs . Before anything else , House Everything would like to greet you a very Happy New Year ! I know I 've lagged behind in my blogging for the past few days . Sorry dears ! I 'll just try my best to make up despite the bad internet connection at home . The past week has been so busy . We had lots and lots of partying , cooking , shopping , cleaning and organizing going around at home . With one more day left in our vacation ( which lasted a good 11 days , by the way ) , it is still far from over . We will still be going out of town tomorrow for a party with friends in Westgrove . Plus ( here 's the big thing ) , there will be another taping inside our house tomorrow . Yup , we have again agreed to rent out our house to the tv producers of Count Your Blessings for another shooting for one of their future episodes . We heard that Coco Martin and a Viva Hot Babe girl will be part of the main cast . Too bad we will only get a short glimpse of them since we are leaving right after lunch . Anyway , although I 'm glad to get extra money from this venture , I 'm also a bit worried because I know that the tv crew will be moving around much of our furniture . I really hope they don 't add more damage to our pitiful - looking living room furniture that is already old . If only we could buy a new living room set soon . We actually found some fantastic designs online that matches our mocha - colored walls and we 're looking forward to checking it soon . This will definitely be one of our top TO - BUY things for the house this 2009 . Posted by My 2 older kids both study now at PAREF . Luigi is now in Grade 1 while Zoe is in Grade 4 . How time flies ! Both schools also recently celebrated Filipino W . . .
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Pat sent me this cute blogger meme . Thanks Pat ! 1 . Each blogger must post these rules . 2 . Each blogger starts with ten random facts / habits about themselves . 3 . Bloggers that are tagged need to write ten facts about themselves . You need to choose ten people to tag and list their names . Here are my ten random facts / habits : 1 . I 'm a certified lefty . I was just reminded of this when I heard that Obama is a lefty too . 2 . I still have a cabinet - full of clothes which no longer fit ( wishing that someday , I 'll lose enough weight to start wearing them again ) . 3 . I really don 't go for chunky fashion jewelry . I prefer real classic gold jewelries . 4 . I used to know a bit of piano but lost interest because my teacher ( Mrs . Zummel ) was " amoy - lupa na " and I hated it ! Hahaha ! 5 . I have yet to find ' the ' hairdresser to give me that perfect cut . 6 . I 've been super grouchy lately . Bleh ~ bleh ~ bleh ~ 7 . One time , I cried when I saw our electric bill . Long story . 8 . I 'm a lousy bag - owner . Maybe that 's why my husband would probably never give me a bag that 's worth more than 10k . 9 . I love to read but I seem to have not found enough time to read . I 'd rather sleep really . 10 . I think that I love to eat more than I love to cook . I also like drinking occasionally but not often enough to undergo alcohol detox . Passing this meme to Iris , Jown and Alpha . Since I 've been on the edge because of my present condition , I looked for some natural remedies for my VOMITING AND NAUSEA : Sucking a piece of ice controls vomiting . Eat 1 / 2 tsp . ground cumin seeds . Cinnamon and sliced ginger work by interrupting nausea signals sent from the stomach to the brain . If you are an herbal tea drinker , simply sprinkle cinnamon on the tea and drink . To make ginger tea , simmer a few slices of ginger in hot tea water . Ai also gave me some helpful tips regarding this . Thanks Ai ! I hope it works ! Posted by I was just on the phone with my cousin who is 15 years old . He just called in to ask if he can drink the Coke in the refrigerator and if he can play the computer this afternoon . I immediately answered ' yes ' regarding the Coke but hesitated if I should allow him to play the computer . You see , this boy 's very addicted to online games that he even goes out of his way to know about call of duty cheats . He really should be banned from playing the computer on weekdays but I still have to learn to put my foot forward to take him out from his addiction . As I am looking for a nice name for baby # 2 , I stumbled into this page about celebrities ' real names . I really chuckled upon knowing that Caryn Elaine Johnson is actually Whoopi Goldberg and that Stanley Kirk Burrell is ( MC ) Hammer . Among the real names , I really liked Laura Jean Reese Witherspoon ( Reese Witherspoon ) . I would have preferred Susan Alexandra Weaver over Sigourney Weaver . I also like Robert James Ritchie better than his celebrity name as Kid Rock . But of course , I think I 'm more traditional and really their celebrity names sound more interesting . By the way , did you know that Aliaune Damala Bouga Time Puru Nacka Lu Lu Lu Badara Akon Thiam is now known simply as Akon ? Hmmm . I think I better think twice before giving a mouthful of names to my child . He / She might want to change it when he / she becomes famous ! Posted by On the topic of car hunting , I just sent my husband a copy of the repossessed cars that are up for sale in our sister company . You see , we regularly receive notices on the recently repossessed vehicles of the bank . There is a variety of car brands that you can chose from . And if you 're lucky you can catch a good deal on a New Ford or any car of your choice . Just last night , my husband and I decided to move ( read : sleep ) into my parents ' room from our original room in the attic . The room has been vacant since my Dad decided to re - marry and move to Batangas . And as you see , with my new pregnancy , we realized that we needed a bigger bed for us . Since my Dad 's bed is a king - size while our is a mere double bed , transfering to my parents ' room would really be the right thing to do ( plus there are less steps going up ) . Later on , when Zoe ( and baby # 2 ) will be a bit older and more independent , they can have our room in the attic . And as they progress to be students , our plan is to convert what is currently Zoe 's playroom in the attic into a study room cum library that is ideal for study . I don 't quite remember where I got this photo but this is more or less the design that I like . I find this such a perfect - fit for our attic space . I just thought of posting this so I won 't lose the idea . Posted by On the way to work today , my husband and I had a very interesting discussion about cars . You see , lately , I 've been fancying on selling our Toyota Corolla and buying a new one that 's would fit better our family 's needs . I actually told him that I had my mind set on either getting a Honda CRV , a BYD E6 Electric Car or any dependable SUV . But of course , we just cannot plunge and buy anything without studying the practicality and financial aspects of buying a new car . Aside from the price and reputation , what would matter to me also are the engine quality and size . In view of this , my husband suggested that we make a visit to some car dealers one time in order for us to have a more concrete idea of what we really want to buy . Of course , we also need to look at how our finances are doing and think if it is really practical to buy a new car at this point . With the economy going bad , it is sometimes scary to invest on depreciating goods such as a car . Do you agree ? Is it the right time to buy a car now during these hard times ? Your thoughts are very much welcome . Posted by I found this scanned picture of my parents as I was looking for some personal files . In this picture , they were both in their early 20s , very much in love and ready to take on the world . Looking at it makes me feel like crying . Advance happy birthday Nanay ! You would have been 62 years old this Sunday . I love you , I miss you and I know you 're watching over me all the time . : - ) I just realized now that by the time I give birth this year , it will be just a few weeks away from Halloween . Well , it 's never too early to plan , right ? I would probably be too busy by then to buy a costume for Zoe and for little one . So today , I looked through the internet for nice Halloween costumes for the kids . I definitely want them to look cutesy and huggable ! Maybe the whole family could even go in coordinating outfits like a set of Caveman costume like a Tarzan and Jane outfit or something like a his and hers costume for the kids ( if our second baby would be a boy ) . I looked through a collection of nice stuff for babies and found these really nice items for baby # 2 . If the baby will be a boy ( here 's just some wishful thinking on my part ) , I would love to buy this bell pepper bunting or this baseball outfit . I 'm pretty sure my husband would like to see his infant son inside a nice baseball jersey for babies since my husband is very much a baseball fan himself . I could just imagine father and son donning matching baseball outfits during the annual Halloween party in our village . That would be such a cute sight to watch ! Posted by It 's already almost nine o ' clock in the evening now and I 'm still here in the office trying to finish some tasks and overdue reports . Honestly , I feel so tired already . Not to mention my present condition now ( I 'm eight weeks pregnant , you see ) , anyone in my shoes right now would have packed her bag and rushed home to either to take care of her family or get that much needed dinner and rest . But yeah , it always seems that I have no other choice but to finish my work even if there is still tomorrow . I have an over - due report since last week which I need to submit to one of our big bosses . On the side , I think , " Who 's not a big boss in this office , anyway ? Why do they get my priorities crooked all the time ? ! " My boss and her family own the whole company ( which is worth billions of dollars ) , so it 's no joke to working here in this office . Many times , I wonder within myself if I should finally quit my present job , take up a PhD and start a career in teaching in the university . Way back in college , our teacher in Business asked us to do a Custom Essay about our plans 20 years from that time ( we were more or less 20 years old ) . It was a tough assignment that I even considered getting an Essay Writing Service . But no , this was too personal a paper to depend on a 3rd party to do it for me . I still clearly remember what I wrote in that particular paper . I said that at around 40 years old , after 20 years or so of successfully working in a big institution such as a bank , after studying and finishing a Masters degree in Business , get married to the man of my dreams , have good , intelligent and wonderful children and raise a happy family , I would be glad to avail of an early retirement and start to a new career as a professor in the academe . Yes , everything in that paper seems to be coming true except for the last part . I said that I wanted to go back to the academe and give back to the students what I have learned all those years in corporate life . I would probably teach business administration or something of that sort . I canVina I never knew the importance of having a good quality mailbox until I found my credit card billing statement torn opened and found in the middle of the street not so long ago . I still cringe at the thought that someone tried to meddle with my private mail . Since then , I had always been on a look out for the perfect mailbox . My search led me recently to a great online store that offers a vast selection of wonderful looking mailboxes for home and commercial use . Seattleluxe is there to bring not only security but added beauty to your home with their top quality mailbox merchandise . Upon seeing the site , I see a wide variety of choices . For me , form and beauty count as well as quality . Now I have found just the right type of mailbox that is perfect for our home - a wall - mounted mailbox that looks sturdy and classic - looking . This is kind of a delayed post ( since the activity already started ) . However , I would still like to share with you something interesting that you may want to attend . It 's a series of talk by Registered Nutritionist ( and my friend ) Che de Vega about grocerying , diet and healthy living . Just leave me a comment if you are interested to join me in the future talks . I was told too that after this set , the next activity would be a Home Management Course by Ms . Frannie Daez , the author of Keep it Together ( a home management book ) . I am sooo interested ! ! Do you want to be a winner ? If you know something about XML and DB2 , then maybe you would want to join the xml contest online and win lots of cool prices . Don 't know anything about XML but are interested to learn ? Well , you can still actually join other contests on their site . By joining , you can pick up a thing or two about XML and other applications that can be of big help to you especially if you are keen of making it in the IT industry someday . Some of my friends who are techie are so interested to get in this contest and have actually participated . XML is easy to learn , they say . So what are you waiting for ? Click on the links of the website www . xmlchallenge . com , sign in and be a WINNER . Posted by Since I am in the early stages of my second pregnancy , I 've stayed away from dusty places , perfume , mouth rinse , scented soaps , garlic , and other strong smelling - stuff . I avoid all these to prevent my stomach from getting sick and from probable allergies which I had experienced the last time . Due to this pregnancy too , I 've stayed away from my disorderly closet , book shelves , shoe cabinet , Zoe 's toys . . . in a word , from organizing . I prefer getting some sleep on weekend mid - mornings and resting in the bedroom . This baby is now more important than those stacks of clothes waiting to be put away , those envelope - full of papers and receipts needed to be filed , those toys waiting for me to organize . They would all have to wait when I am again able , strong and okay . Until then , the house will continue to function ( with the help of my family of course ) . Thank God for a " masipag " husband and reliable house - help ! Everybody already knows that the economy has never been this bad at least for the past ten years . I watch the latest news and feel really bad at the way the markets have turned and how it has been causing lay - offs , losses in investments and closing down of big companies . The fact is , those who were once high profile financial executives are now back to zero in their business . For my friends in marketing , I could only suggest to them not to lose hope . Although the cost of real estate properties has been slashed badly , there are still companies who can offer them Mortgage Leads through Voice Broadcasting that can result to deals and bottom - line sales . You only have to expand your market and look for the strategies that work . Posted by For the third time around , we again rented out our house to the producers from Channel 4 . I think the show now will be called Pangarap Kong Jackpot ( previously Count Your Blessings ) . The title 's like that because this is a show funded mainly by PCSO ata . Anyway , the main characters for this week - long episode are Dimples Romana and Baron Geisler . Oh di va ! I actually stopped myself from asking for a photo with the artistas . Besides , I couldn 't find the perfect timing . Anyway , just a short anecdote . . . I was watching them do a take from the living room and B . G . was holding a cig . I looked at him and when he saw me and greeted me with " Hello Ate " . Hehehe . Then he saw the suman that we have in the kitchen and asked me if we have Muscovado ( which we didn 't coz I gave away the Muscovado that I bought directly from Bacolod to my boss ) . I said " No , sorry ! " and he said " Ang sarap kasi ng itsura nung suman ninyo ( pointing at the plateful of suman on the table ) . " Hahaha . Yun lang . : - ) Surprisingly , the crew packed up earlier than before for which I was super glad . : - ) At least we needn 't lose sleep because of the taping at home . : - ) Anyway , we sometimes hear neighbors questioning our decision to allow these people to rent out our house for TV . They say that the money being paid to us is so small and it 's not worth the disturbance and the probable - damage that the crew may cause . Well , for us , it 's really no hassle . The TV crew are all very friendly . We even get to see artistas right in our very own living / bed room and get paid for it ( enough to pay for our monthly electric bill ) . So why not ? : - ) Posted by Well , well , well . What do ya ' know ? January 's almost over and I still haven 't blogged about my New Year 's resolution . Maybe it 's because I still haven 't taken it to heart up to now ( and I tend to forget lots of things anyway ) . DE - CLUTTER . That 's my resolution . It means : throwing out unnecessary papers - receipts , lists , stubs , tickets , and what - notfile those important papers IMMEDIATELY and not wait for all of it to pile up ( and get ready with all those labeled folders ) weed out clothes which have never been or seldom worn , don 't fit , damaged or are plain uglyuse only one calendar / notebook so no more sticky notesclean out bedroom cabinet which still has unopened presents and even wedding giftsget rid of left - overs in the fridge which have not been touched for a weekdeclutter office supplies ( I have too much of this really ) clean up the china cabinet fix baby 's toys sell or give away CDs and VCDs which are no longer wantedno to junk bags and junk drawers - - - just put them straight to where each one belongsA LOT OF HARD WORK AND PATIENCE Wish me luck ! I think the good thing about having a second baby is having a more familiar feeling about the whole pregnancy in general . As they say , " been there , done that " . In my case , I already know that this time , I need to be more vigilant and controlled in the diet aspect of my pregnancy lest I fall again into the trap of overeating , giving in to unhealthy foods and ending up gaining too much weight by the time I reach my full term . For this second pregnancy , my plan is to eat healthier . I want to erase my past mistake of not having a very healthy diet during the first time . So I plan to bring out our blender so that I can always have fresh and nutritious fruit drinks in the morning . I vow to make this ever - reliable home appliance my constant companion for the months ahead . I also would bring out our turbo broiler so I can have more broiled meat instead of fried . I will also eat lots of leafy green vegetables even if I don 't like it that much . And for the major thing , I want to give up eating junk food and drinking soft drink - - for this is my ultimate weakness . ( If you 're reading this Hunny , I hope you can help and support me on this ) . Believe me , I 'll do anything for this baby to be healthy , even if it takes a lot of temperance and self - mastery . So wish me luck ! Posted by Just reminiscing old pics of our previous travels to Iloilo . I was also a few weeks ' pregnant ( then with Zoe ) in these pictures . Looking forward to seeing Iloilo tomorrow . . . this time with Hunny , Zoe , and our new baby ( still in my womb ) . Last January 4 , we agreed to rent out again our humble home to the producers of Count Your Blessings ( airing daily , Monday to Friday , 5 : 00 p . m . at NBN Channel 4 ) . The episode which they were going to tape featured showbiz celebrities Sheree and Coco Martin . Sorry for not being updated but I never really heard about this guys prior to that day . So out of curiosity , I asked the others about their background . I heard from the neighbor that Sheree was part of Viva Hot Babes and that she has given birth already . In fairness , she 's friendly , sexy and pretty up close . I couldn 't believe that she 's already a mom ! I was afraid to ask her if she had undergone a tummy tuck for there seems to be no trace at all that she has been pregnant before , that is , compared to me who let my weight go up uncontrollably during and after my pregnancy . Anyway , if my job is to look sexy ( as in her case ) and if I had the resources ( which I don 't ) , I would gladly undergo a tummy tuck ! As for Coco Martin , he was also friendly and I could see that our two helpers were so ecstatic to see him in person . I heard that he has an acting award for a movie so I " googled " his name up and found pictures of him which were too sexy for me , so I stopped . Anyway , as before , part of our agreement with the director is not to use the house , especially the master 's bedroom , for scenes which are too sexy or too violent . My Dad specifically told us this . I think it 's good to point out this issue to the producer and the director . We said that we don 't want to be a contributor in spreading lewdness on TV . Instead , we only want to be part in sharing good moral lessons to the viewing public . Good thing the show Count Your Blessings is more or less okay . Leaving you with a picture : To continue my story from the last post , after breakfast , I had a sudden urge to go visit the weekend market in Makati after remembering the episode from Supermarket Chef of the Lifestyle Network Channel which we watched a couples of nights before . So even if there was a yummy lunch of Nilagang Baboy already prepared at home , my husband and I still decided to leave and catch whatever 's left before the market sellers packed away . Here are some pictures : We bought some vegetables , green mangoes ( ! ) , suman sa lihiya and other small things which I cannot remember anymore . For lunch , we contented ourselves with huge grilled hotdog sandwiches and a mango shake . After this mini - date , we headed to Glorietta to see what was on sale ( Zara and Mango were on sale but I didn 't have to urge to buy anything ) . We left empty - handed so we decided to go to our ever - favorite Conti 's in Serendra to buy Blueberry Cheese Cake ( my craving ) and some goodies which we will bring to party that we were supposed to attend . I super enjoyed this mini - field trip ! Thanks Hun . Posted by Last January 3 , I woke up very early so that I could go to Mass . After taking a bath and dressing up , I took a home pregnancy test to verify my suspicion . Actually , I knew deep inside that I was pregnant . I only needed a confirmation from a test . A few days before , I saw that I had some blood spots so I thought that my period was on the way . I actually almost cried at the thought that I 'm not pregnant . You see , we 've been hoping and praying for a blessing to come for the past how many months already . Anyway , when my period didn 't arrive on December 31 , I knew . I was so happy to see the two pink lines appear almost immediately . Pure bliss ! Since it was still too early to wake up my husband and baby who were both sleeping soundly , I left the HPT at the bathroom so that it would be easily seen by my husband when he gets up from bed . Then I headed off to go to Mass ( it was the first Saturday of the month ) . At mass , I couldn 't help but be emotional . I looked intensely at the Holy Eucharist being consecrated and I felt so happy , so grateful and so blessed . I texted my sister immediately after the mass because I couldn 't contain the joy that I was feeling . Anyway , I headed home after my thanksgiving after the mass and was welcomed by a BIG smile from my husband . I was sure he saw the HPT because he was already busy cooking up something special for breakfast . His first words were - - " two lines ! " It is a cause for a celebration ! He made us a creamy and cheesy egg omelet . It was delicious ! He added cream cheese , milk , cheddar cheese and some salt and pepper to the egg so it tasted so great ! That recipe in itself could be a subject for many of my House Everything 's and even my father 's textbooks ' Essay Examples . Actually , I find my husband 's cooking as a very interesting Essay Topic that I could go on and on talking and writing about it . I probably would even want to get a reputable group to send me a Custom Essay which features our favorite recipes and it would probably turn out to be the start of a nice novel like that ofVina Christmas Day is done and we 're still left with some ham from the feast . I wanted to make good use of the left - over ham , so when we had some friends coming over for dinner one time , I made Mac and Cheese for them . It was gastronomically sinful ( of course , I 'm a bit biased , hahaha ) . And then since I made a big bowl of this , there was still enough for next day 's lunch . Have you ever tasted any pasta that 's 2 or 3 days - old ? Well , in my opinion , it tastes even better because by that time , the pasta and the sauce have been mixed well together . Posted by Last Sunday , January 04 , 2009 , our family trooped all the way to Sta . Rosa , Laguna to attend the annual Christmas Party we have with our friends from way back . We got to know each other around 9 - 10 years ago when most of us were young , single and unattached . I was ( still is ) the youngest among the group and they all treated me like their young sister . This group consists of Pat , Fred , Owi , Tin - tin , Gina , Stella , Teng and myself . The other people who used to tag along but are now out of touch are Mandy , Hector , Pin and Dave . I still remember when we would go on out of town pilgrimages ( we still do actually ) and summer outings with our families . Our last get - together was during Pat and Fred 's daughter 's birthday party . Prior to that , we celebrated Christmas at Owi and Tin - tin 's brand new house in Merville . When before we were mostly single , many of us now are happily married with kids of our own . Pat and Fred already have two kids while Owi and Tin have 1 cute boy who is almost as old as our very own Zoe . Stella and Gina are still both very much single . All of these friends of ours are highly successful in their jobs . They are that successful that I could include their names as reference persons when I do my Resume Writing . Anyway , for this year , Pat and Fred hosted the Christmas Party at their newly - furnished home in Ayala Westgrove Heights . Their house is huge ! Zoe enjoyed every single minute playing with the other kids . We also enjoyed all the interesting stories of what happened to each one during the past year . One of the biggest news there is the decision of Pat to resign from her highly prestigious HR job in Ayala Group of Companies in order to be a full - time mother to her two kids , ages 7 and 4 . She was fortunate enough to avail of a special retirement package that gave her a huge amount of money that can cover the full payment of their house / lot and their new car plus also buy her enough time to be just at home until she decides what she wants to do next . I think she 's very lucky indeed ! Pat has climbed the corPosted by For New Year 's lunch , we decided to try out a new recipe which we saw on TV ( Supermarket Chef ) . We used this recipe plus incorporated the other version of the recipe that I found online . What about these recipes that fancied my husband ? BEER . Yup , the batter had beer in it . Tastes yummy . I 'm pasting here the Jamie Oliver 's version . FISH AND CHIPSRecipe courtesy Jamie Oliver IngredientsFor the chips : • 3 3 / 4 pints ( 2 liters ) vegetable oil • 2 pounds ( 950 grams ) floury potatoes , like russets , peeled and cut into large chipsFor the batter : • 1 cup plain flour • 1 cup beer • 2 egg whites , whipped to soft peaks • Salt • 4 ( 9 ounce / 250 gram ) fillets haddock or cod , skin on , and pin bonedDirectionsPour all the vegetable oil into a deep pan or deep fat fryer , and heat to 300 degrees F ( 160 degrees C . ) Blanch the cut potatoes in the oil until soft , but not colored , about 4 minutes . Remove and drain . Mix together the flour and the beer , then fold in the egg whites . Turn up the heat of the oil to 350 degrees F ( 180 degrees C ) . Dip the fish in the batter and fry for a few minutes with the chips until golden brown . Drain on kitchen paper and serve with bread and butter , wally 's ( battered , deep fried pickles served with ranch dressing ) , and pickled eggs . Before anything else , House Everything would like to greet you a very Happy New Year ! I know I 've lagged behind in my blogging for the past few days . Sorry dears ! I 'll just try my best to make up despite the bad internet connection at home . The past week has been so busy . We had lots and lots of partying , cooking , shopping , cleaning and organizing going around at home . With one more day left in our vacation ( which lasted a good 11 days , by the way ) , it is still far from over . We will still be going out of town tomorrow for a party with friends in Westgrove . Plus ( here 's the big thing ) , there will be another taping inside our house tomorrow . Yup , we have again agreed to rent out our house to the tv producers of Count Your Blessings for another shooting for one of their future episodes . We heard that Coco Martin and a Viva Hot Babe girl will be part of the main cast . Too bad we will only get a short glimpse of them since we are leaving right after lunch . Anyway , although I 'm glad to get extra money from this venture , I 'm also a bit worried because I know that the tv crew will be moving around much of our furniture . I really hope they don 't add more damage to our pitiful - looking living room furniture that is already old . If only we could buy a new living room set soon . We actually found some fantastic designs online that matches our mocha - colored walls and we 're looking forward to checking it soon . This will definitely be one of our top TO - BUY things for the house this 2009 . Posted by My 2 older kids both study now at PAREF . Luigi is now in Grade 1 while Zoe is in Grade 4 . How time flies ! Both schools also recently celebrated Filipino W . . .
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Pat sent me this cute blogger meme . Thanks Pat ! 1 . Each blogger must post these rules . 2 . Each blogger starts with ten random facts / habits about themselves . 3 . Bloggers that are tagged need to write ten facts about themselves . You need to choose ten people to tag and list their names . Here are my ten random facts / habits : 1 . I 'm a certified lefty . I was just reminded of this when I heard that Obama is a lefty too . 2 . I still have a cabinet - full of clothes which no longer fit ( wishing that someday , I 'll lose enough weight to start wearing them again ) . 3 . I really don 't go for chunky fashion jewelry . I prefer real classic gold jewelries . 4 . I used to know a bit of piano but lost interest because my teacher ( Mrs . Zummel ) was " amoy - lupa na " and I hated it ! Hahaha ! 5 . I have yet to find ' the ' hairdresser to give me that perfect cut . 6 . I 've been super grouchy lately . Bleh ~ bleh ~ bleh ~ 7 . One time , I cried when I saw our electric bill . Long story . 8 . I 'm a lousy bag - owner . Maybe that 's why my husband would probably never give me a bag that 's worth more than 10k . 9 . I love to read but I seem to have not found enough time to read . I 'd rather sleep really . 10 . I think that I love to eat more than I love to cook . I also like drinking occasionally but not often enough to undergo alcohol detox . Passing this meme to Iris , Jown and Alpha . Since I 've been on the edge because of my present condition , I looked for some natural remedies for my VOMITING AND NAUSEA : Sucking a piece of ice controls vomiting . Eat 1 / 2 tsp . ground cumin seeds . Cinnamon and sliced ginger work by interrupting nausea signals sent from the stomach to the brain . If you are an herbal tea drinker , simply sprinkle cinnamon on the tea and drink . To make ginger tea , simmer a few slices of ginger in hot tea water . Ai also gave me some helpful tips regarding this . Thanks Ai ! I hope it works ! Posted by I was just on the phone with my cousin who is 15 years old . He just called in to ask if he can drink the Coke in the refrigerator and if he can play the computer this afternoon . I immediately answered ' yes ' regarding the Coke but hesitated if I should allow him to play the computer . You see , this boy 's very addicted to online games that he even goes out of his way to know about call of duty cheats . He really should be banned from playing the computer on weekdays but I still have to learn to put my foot forward to take him out from his addiction . As I am looking for a nice name for baby # 2 , I stumbled into this page about celebrities ' real names . I really chuckled upon knowing that Caryn Elaine Johnson is actually Whoopi Goldberg and that Stanley Kirk Burrell is ( MC ) Hammer . Among the real names , I really liked Laura Jean Reese Witherspoon ( Reese Witherspoon ) . I would have preferred Susan Alexandra Weaver over Sigourney Weaver . I also like Robert James Ritchie better than his celebrity name as Kid Rock . But of course , I think I 'm more traditional and really their celebrity names sound more interesting . By the way , did you know that Aliaune Damala Bouga Time Puru Nacka Lu Lu Lu Badara Akon Thiam is now known simply as Akon ? Hmmm . I think I better think twice before giving a mouthful of names to my child . He / She might want to change it when he / she becomes famous ! Posted by On the topic of car hunting , I just sent my husband a copy of the repossessed cars that are up for sale in our sister company . You see , we regularly receive notices on the recently repossessed vehicles of the bank . There is a variety of car brands that you can chose from . And if you 're lucky you can catch a good deal on a New Ford or any car of your choice . Just last night , my husband and I decided to move ( read : sleep ) into my parents ' room from our original room in the attic . The room has been vacant since my Dad decided to re - marry and move to Batangas . And as you see , with my new pregnancy , we realized that we needed a bigger bed for us . Since my Dad 's bed is a king - size while our is a mere double bed , transfering to my parents ' room would really be the right thing to do ( plus there are less steps going up ) . Later on , when Zoe ( and baby # 2 ) will be a bit older and more independent , they can have our room in the attic . And as they progress to be students , our plan is to convert what is currently Zoe 's playroom in the attic into a study room cum library that is ideal for study . I don 't quite remember where I got this photo but this is more or less the design that I like . I find this such a perfect - fit for our attic space . I just thought of posting this so I won 't lose the idea . Posted by On the way to work today , my husband and I had a very interesting discussion about cars . You see , lately , I 've been fancying on selling our Toyota Corolla and buying a new one that 's would fit better our family 's needs . I actually told him that I had my mind set on either getting a Honda CRV , a BYD E6 Electric Car or any dependable SUV . But of course , we just cannot plunge and buy anything without studying the practicality and financial aspects of buying a new car . Aside from the price and reputation , what would matter to me also are the engine quality and size . In view of this , my husband suggested that we make a visit to some car dealers one time in order for us to have a more concrete idea of what we really want to buy . Of course , we also need to look at how our finances are doing and think if it is really practical to buy a new car at this point . With the economy going bad , it is sometimes scary to invest on depreciating goods such as a car . Do you agree ? Is it the right time to buy a car now during these hard times ? Your thoughts are very much welcome . Posted by I found this scanned picture of my parents as I was looking for some personal files . In this picture , they were both in their early 20s , very much in love and ready to take on the world . Looking at it makes me feel like crying . Advance happy birthday Nanay ! You would have been 62 years old this Sunday . I love you , I miss you and I know you 're watching over me all the time . : - ) I just realized now that by the time I give birth this year , it will be just a few weeks away from Halloween . Well , it 's never too early to plan , right ? I would probably be too busy by then to buy a costume for Zoe and for little one . So today , I looked through the internet for nice Halloween costumes for the kids . I definitely want them to look cutesy and huggable ! Maybe the whole family could even go in coordinating outfits like a set of Caveman costume like a Tarzan and Jane outfit or something like a his and hers costume for the kids ( if our second baby would be a boy ) . I looked through a collection of nice stuff for babies and found these really nice items for baby # 2 . If the baby will be a boy ( here 's just some wishful thinking on my part ) , I would love to buy this bell pepper bunting or this baseball outfit . I 'm pretty sure my husband would like to see his infant son inside a nice baseball jersey for babies since my husband is very much a baseball fan himself . I could just imagine father and son donning matching baseball outfits during the annual Halloween party in our village . That would be such a cute sight to watch ! Posted by It 's already almost nine o ' clock in the evening now and I 'm still here in the office trying to finish some tasks and overdue reports . Honestly , I feel so tired already . Not to mention my present condition now ( I 'm eight weeks pregnant , you see ) , anyone in my shoes right now would have packed her bag and rushed home to either to take care of her family or get that much needed dinner and rest . But yeah , it always seems that I have no other choice but to finish my work even if there is still tomorrow . I have an over - due report since last week which I need to submit to one of our big bosses . On the side , I think , " Who 's not a big boss in this office , anyway ? Why do they get my priorities crooked all the time ? ! " My boss and her family own the whole company ( which is worth billions of dollars ) , so it 's no joke to working here in this office . Many times , I wonder within myself if I should finally quit my present job , take up a PhD and start a career in teaching in the university . Way back in college , our teacher in Business asked us to do a Custom Essay about our plans 20 years from that time ( we were more or less 20 years old ) . It was a tough assignment that I even considered getting an Essay Writing Service . But no , this was too personal a paper to depend on a 3rd party to do it for me . I still clearly remember what I wrote in that particular paper . I said that at around 40 years old , after 20 years or so of successfully working in a big institution such as a bank , after studying and finishing a Masters degree in Business , get married to the man of my dreams , have good , intelligent and wonderful children and raise a happy family , I would be glad to avail of an early retirement and start to a new career as a professor in the academe . Yes , everything in that paper seems to be coming true except for the last part . I said that I wanted to go back to the academe and give back to the students what I have learned all those years in corporate life . I would probably teach business administration or something of that sort . I canVina I never knew the importance of having a good quality mailbox until I found my credit card billing statement torn opened and found in the middle of the street not so long ago . I still cringe at the thought that someone tried to meddle with my private mail . Since then , I had always been on a look out for the perfect mailbox . My search led me recently to a great online store that offers a vast selection of wonderful looking mailboxes for home and commercial use . Seattleluxe is there to bring not only security but added beauty to your home with their top quality mailbox merchandise . Upon seeing the site , I see a wide variety of choices . For me , form and beauty count as well as quality . Now I have found just the right type of mailbox that is perfect for our home - a wall - mounted mailbox that looks sturdy and classic - looking . This is kind of a delayed post ( since the activity already started ) . However , I would still like to share with you something interesting that you may want to attend . It 's a series of talk by Registered Nutritionist ( and my friend ) Che de Vega about grocerying , diet and healthy living . Just leave me a comment if you are interested to join me in the future talks . I was told too that after this set , the next activity would be a Home Management Course by Ms . Frannie Daez , the author of Keep it Together ( a home management book ) . I am sooo interested ! ! Do you want to be a winner ? If you know something about XML and DB2 , then maybe you would want to join the xml contest online and win lots of cool prices . Don 't know anything about XML but are interested to learn ? Well , you can still actually join other contests on their site . By joining , you can pick up a thing or two about XML and other applications that can be of big help to you especially if you are keen of making it in the IT industry someday . Some of my friends who are techie are so interested to get in this contest and have actually participated . XML is easy to learn , they say . So what are you waiting for ? Click on the links of the website www . xmlchallenge . com , sign in and be a WINNER . Posted by Since I am in the early stages of my second pregnancy , I 've stayed away from dusty places , perfume , mouth rinse , scented soaps , garlic , and other strong smelling - stuff . I avoid all these to prevent my stomach from getting sick and from probable allergies which I had experienced the last time . Due to this pregnancy too , I 've stayed away from my disorderly closet , book shelves , shoe cabinet , Zoe 's toys . . . in a word , from organizing . I prefer getting some sleep on weekend mid - mornings and resting in the bedroom . This baby is now more important than those stacks of clothes waiting to be put away , those envelope - full of papers and receipts needed to be filed , those toys waiting for me to organize . They would all have to wait when I am again able , strong and okay . Until then , the house will continue to function ( with the help of my family of course ) . Thank God for a " masipag " husband and reliable house - help ! Everybody already knows that the economy has never been this bad at least for the past ten years . I watch the latest news and feel really bad at the way the markets have turned and how it has been causing lay - offs , losses in investments and closing down of big companies . The fact is , those who were once high profile financial executives are now back to zero in their business . For my friends in marketing , I could only suggest to them not to lose hope . Although the cost of real estate properties has been slashed badly , there are still companies who can offer them Mortgage Leads through Voice Broadcasting that can result to deals and bottom - line sales . You only have to expand your market and look for the strategies that work . Posted by For the third time around , we again rented out our house to the producers from Channel 4 . I think the show now will be called Pangarap Kong Jackpot ( previously Count Your Blessings ) . The title 's like that because this is a show funded mainly by PCSO ata . Anyway , the main characters for this week - long episode are Dimples Romana and Baron Geisler . Oh di va ! I actually stopped myself from asking for a photo with the artistas . Besides , I couldn 't find the perfect timing . Anyway , just a short anecdote . . . I was watching them do a take from the living room and B . G . was holding a cig . I looked at him and when he saw me and greeted me with " Hello Ate " . Hehehe . Then he saw the suman that we have in the kitchen and asked me if we have Muscovado ( which we didn 't coz I gave away the Muscovado that I bought directly from Bacolod to my boss ) . I said " No , sorry ! " and he said " Ang sarap kasi ng itsura nung suman ninyo ( pointing at the plateful of suman on the table ) . " Hahaha . Yun lang . : - ) Surprisingly , the crew packed up earlier than before for which I was super glad . : - ) At least we needn 't lose sleep because of the taping at home . : - ) Anyway , we sometimes hear neighbors questioning our decision to allow these people to rent out our house for TV . They say that the money being paid to us is so small and it 's not worth the disturbance and the probable - damage that the crew may cause . Well , for us , it 's really no hassle . The TV crew are all very friendly . We even get to see artistas right in our very own living / bed room and get paid for it ( enough to pay for our monthly electric bill ) . So why not ? : - ) Posted by Well , well , well . What do ya ' know ? January 's almost over and I still haven 't blogged about my New Year 's resolution . Maybe it 's because I still haven 't taken it to heart up to now ( and I tend to forget lots of things anyway ) . DE - CLUTTER . That 's my resolution . It means : throwing out unnecessary papers - receipts , lists , stubs , tickets , and what - notfile those important papers IMMEDIATELY and not wait for all of it to pile up ( and get ready with all those labeled folders ) weed out clothes which have never been or seldom worn , don 't fit , damaged or are plain uglyuse only one calendar / notebook so no more sticky notesclean out bedroom cabinet which still has unopened presents and even wedding giftsget rid of left - overs in the fridge which have not been touched for a weekdeclutter office supplies ( I have too much of this really ) clean up the china cabinet fix baby 's toys sell or give away CDs and VCDs which are no longer wantedno to junk bags and junk drawers - - - just put them straight to where each one belongsA LOT OF HARD WORK AND PATIENCE Wish me luck ! I think the good thing about having a second baby is having a more familiar feeling about the whole pregnancy in general . As they say , " been there , done that " . In my case , I already know that this time , I need to be more vigilant and controlled in the diet aspect of my pregnancy lest I fall again into the trap of overeating , giving in to unhealthy foods and ending up gaining too much weight by the time I reach my full term . For this second pregnancy , my plan is to eat healthier . I want to erase my past mistake of not having a very healthy diet during the first time . So I plan to bring out our blender so that I can always have fresh and nutritious fruit drinks in the morning . I vow to make this ever - reliable home appliance my constant companion for the months ahead . I also would bring out our turbo broiler so I can have more broiled meat instead of fried . I will also eat lots of leafy green vegetables even if I don 't like it that much . And for the major thing , I want to give up eating junk food and drinking soft drink - - for this is my ultimate weakness . ( If you 're reading this Hunny , I hope you can help and support me on this ) . Believe me , I 'll do anything for this baby to be healthy , even if it takes a lot of temperance and self - mastery . So wish me luck ! Posted by Just reminiscing old pics of our previous travels to Iloilo . I was also a few weeks ' pregnant ( then with Zoe ) in these pictures . Looking forward to seeing Iloilo tomorrow . . . this time with Hunny , Zoe , and our new baby ( still in my womb ) . Last January 4 , we agreed to rent out again our humble home to the producers of Count Your Blessings ( airing daily , Monday to Friday , 5 : 00 p . m . at NBN Channel 4 ) . The episode which they were going to tape featured showbiz celebrities Sheree and Coco Martin . Sorry for not being updated but I never really heard about this guys prior to that day . So out of curiosity , I asked the others about their background . I heard from the neighbor that Sheree was part of Viva Hot Babes and that she has given birth already . In fairness , she 's friendly , sexy and pretty up close . I couldn 't believe that she 's already a mom ! I was afraid to ask her if she had undergone a tummy tuck for there seems to be no trace at all that she has been pregnant before , that is , compared to me who let my weight go up uncontrollably during and after my pregnancy . Anyway , if my job is to look sexy ( as in her case ) and if I had the resources ( which I don 't ) , I would gladly undergo a tummy tuck ! As for Coco Martin , he was also friendly and I could see that our two helpers were so ecstatic to see him in person . I heard that he has an acting award for a movie so I " googled " his name up and found pictures of him which were too sexy for me , so I stopped . Anyway , as before , part of our agreement with the director is not to use the house , especially the master 's bedroom , for scenes which are too sexy or too violent . My Dad specifically told us this . I think it 's good to point out this issue to the producer and the director . We said that we don 't want to be a contributor in spreading lewdness on TV . Instead , we only want to be part in sharing good moral lessons to the viewing public . Good thing the show Count Your Blessings is more or less okay . Leaving you with a picture : To continue my story from the last post , after breakfast , I had a sudden urge to go visit the weekend market in Makati after remembering the episode from Supermarket Chef of the Lifestyle Network Channel which we watched a couples of nights before . So even if there was a yummy lunch of Nilagang Baboy already prepared at home , my husband and I still decided to leave and catch whatever 's left before the market sellers packed away . Here are some pictures : We bought some vegetables , green mangoes ( ! ) , suman sa lihiya and other small things which I cannot remember anymore . For lunch , we contented ourselves with huge grilled hotdog sandwiches and a mango shake . After this mini - date , we headed to Glorietta to see what was on sale ( Zara and Mango were on sale but I didn 't have to urge to buy anything ) . We left empty - handed so we decided to go to our ever - favorite Conti 's in Serendra to buy Blueberry Cheese Cake ( my craving ) and some goodies which we will bring to party that we were supposed to attend . I super enjoyed this mini - field trip ! Thanks Hun . Posted by Last January 3 , I woke up very early so that I could go to Mass . After taking a bath and dressing up , I took a home pregnancy test to verify my suspicion . Actually , I knew deep inside that I was pregnant . I only needed a confirmation from a test . A few days before , I saw that I had some blood spots so I thought that my period was on the way . I actually almost cried at the thought that I 'm not pregnant . You see , we 've been hoping and praying for a blessing to come for the past how many months already . Anyway , when my period didn 't arrive on December 31 , I knew . I was so happy to see the two pink lines appear almost immediately . Pure bliss ! Since it was still too early to wake up my husband and baby who were both sleeping soundly , I left the HPT at the bathroom so that it would be easily seen by my husband when he gets up from bed . Then I headed off to go to Mass ( it was the first Saturday of the month ) . At mass , I couldn 't help but be emotional . I looked intensely at the Holy Eucharist being consecrated and I felt so happy , so grateful and so blessed . I texted my sister immediately after the mass because I couldn 't contain the joy that I was feeling . Anyway , I headed home after my thanksgiving after the mass and was welcomed by a BIG smile from my husband . I was sure he saw the HPT because he was already busy cooking up something special for breakfast . His first words were - - " two lines ! " It is a cause for a celebration ! He made us a creamy and cheesy egg omelet . It was delicious ! He added cream cheese , milk , cheddar cheese and some salt and pepper to the egg so it tasted so great ! That recipe in itself could be a subject for many of my House Everything 's and even my father 's textbooks ' Essay Examples . Actually , I find my husband 's cooking as a very interesting Essay Topic that I could go on and on talking and writing about it . I probably would even want to get a reputable group to send me a Custom Essay which features our favorite recipes and it would probably turn out to be the start of a nice novel like that ofVina Christmas Day is done and we 're still left with some ham from the feast . I wanted to make good use of the left - over ham , so when we had some friends coming over for dinner one time , I made Mac and Cheese for them . It was gastronomically sinful ( of course , I 'm a bit biased , hahaha ) . And then since I made a big bowl of this , there was still enough for next day 's lunch . Have you ever tasted any pasta that 's 2 or 3 days - old ? Well , in my opinion , it tastes even better because by that time , the pasta and the sauce have been mixed well together . Posted by Last Sunday , January 04 , 2009 , our family trooped all the way to Sta . Rosa , Laguna to attend the annual Christmas Party we have with our friends from way back . We got to know each other around 9 - 10 years ago when most of us were young , single and unattached . I was ( still is ) the youngest among the group and they all treated me like their young sister . This group consists of Pat , Fred , Owi , Tin - tin , Gina , Stella , Teng and myself . The other people who used to tag along but are now out of touch are Mandy , Hector , Pin and Dave . I still remember when we would go on out of town pilgrimages ( we still do actually ) and summer outings with our families . Our last get - together was during Pat and Fred 's daughter 's birthday party . Prior to that , we celebrated Christmas at Owi and Tin - tin 's brand new house in Merville . When before we were mostly single , many of us now are happily married with kids of our own . Pat and Fred already have two kids while Owi and Tin have 1 cute boy who is almost as old as our very own Zoe . Stella and Gina are still both very much single . All of these friends of ours are highly successful in their jobs . They are that successful that I could include their names as reference persons when I do my Resume Writing . Anyway , for this year , Pat and Fred hosted the Christmas Party at their newly - furnished home in Ayala Westgrove Heights . Their house is huge ! Zoe enjoyed every single minute playing with the other kids . We also enjoyed all the interesting stories of what happened to each one during the past year . One of the biggest news there is the decision of Pat to resign from her highly prestigious HR job in Ayala Group of Companies in order to be a full - time mother to her two kids , ages 7 and 4 . She was fortunate enough to avail of a special retirement package that gave her a huge amount of money that can cover the full payment of their house / lot and their new car plus also buy her enough time to be just at home until she decides what she wants to do next . I think she 's very lucky indeed ! Pat has climbed the corPosted by For New Year 's lunch , we decided to try out a new recipe which we saw on TV ( Supermarket Chef ) . We used this recipe plus incorporated the other version of the recipe that I found online . What about these recipes that fancied my husband ? BEER . Yup , the batter had beer in it . Tastes yummy . I 'm pasting here the Jamie Oliver 's version . FISH AND CHIPSRecipe courtesy Jamie Oliver IngredientsFor the chips : • 3 3 / 4 pints ( 2 liters ) vegetable oil • 2 pounds ( 950 grams ) floury potatoes , like russets , peeled and cut into large chipsFor the batter : • 1 cup plain flour • 1 cup beer • 2 egg whites , whipped to soft peaks • Salt • 4 ( 9 ounce / 250 gram ) fillets haddock or cod , skin on , and pin bonedDirectionsPour all the vegetable oil into a deep pan or deep fat fryer , and heat to 300 degrees F ( 160 degrees C . ) Blanch the cut potatoes in the oil until soft , but not colored , about 4 minutes . Remove and drain . Mix together the flour and the beer , then fold in the egg whites . Turn up the heat of the oil to 350 degrees F ( 180 degrees C ) . Dip the fish in the batter and fry for a few minutes with the chips until golden brown . Drain on kitchen paper and serve with bread and butter , wally 's ( battered , deep fried pickles served with ranch dressing ) , and pickled eggs . Before anything else , House Everything would like to greet you a very Happy New Year ! I know I 've lagged behind in my blogging for the past few days . Sorry dears ! I 'll just try my best to make up despite the bad internet connection at home . The past week has been so busy . We had lots and lots of partying , cooking , shopping , cleaning and organizing going around at home . With one more day left in our vacation ( which lasted a good 11 days , by the way ) , it is still far from over . We will still be going out of town tomorrow for a party with friends in Westgrove . Plus ( here 's the big thing ) , there will be another taping inside our house tomorrow . Yup , we have again agreed to rent out our house to the tv producers of Count Your Blessings for another shooting for one of their future episodes . We heard that Coco Martin and a Viva Hot Babe girl will be part of the main cast . Too bad we will only get a short glimpse of them since we are leaving right after lunch . Anyway , although I 'm glad to get extra money from this venture , I 'm also a bit worried because I know that the tv crew will be moving around much of our furniture . I really hope they don 't add more damage to our pitiful - looking living room furniture that is already old . If only we could buy a new living room set soon . We actually found some fantastic designs online that matches our mocha - colored walls and we 're looking forward to checking it soon . This will definitely be one of our top TO - BUY things for the house this 2009 . Posted by My 2 older kids both study now at PAREF . Luigi is now in Grade 1 while Zoe is in Grade 4 . How time flies ! Both schools also recently celebrated Filipino W . . .
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Knowing nothing about blogs or blogging , I had a * great * idea this morning to start my own and write all about my dog . I considered writing a book … but would there be enough to say and would anyone care ? At least this way , I can get it all out in writing , look at what I 've got and see where it goes . We ( my husband and I ) brought home a 7 . 5 week Rottweiler puppy on January 17 , 2014 . We named her Liezel ( sounds like diesel ) , I 'll spare you the long AKC registered name . I was apprehensive because we had just gone though a painful year and a half of caring for a very sick Rottweiler , Zelda . We put her down just before her second birthday in September , 2013 , and it was heartbreaking . Zelda was my first dog , I loved her more than I knew was possible . Getting a new puppy was scary ( what if she 's sick ) and exciting ( puppies are fun and cute ) . My intention for getting a dog was not only companionship but also to compete in dog sports ( obedience , agility ) , ultimately Schutzhund . We were supposed to start puppy classes right away , but Liezel not having her 12 - week shots , I postponed classes until the " next semester " for fear she would get sick . From 8 weeks to 11 weeks , Liezel stayed home . I took a week off of work , my husband took a week off , and my retired parents stayed with her for a week during the day while we worked . Aside from hating the crate she seemed like a perfectly content pup . The neighbors came over to meet her and when she met their Rottweiler , she was in Heaven ! She took to him like he was her best friend . I wondered if she thought " Wow ! Something like me - just bigger . " I remember commenting that the neighbor 's dog looked at me with an expression of " get this mosquito away from me ! " She loved when he came over . During the 8 - to 12 - week age we had major snowfall in Michigan . We had to dig tracks in the yard for Liezel to go potty since the snow was deeper than she was tall . It was very cold and with the snow and salt we did not take her for walks . However , she went to the pet store ( I carried her ) , the vet , and my parents house for small amounts of exposure . I know , I know " 8 - to 12 - weeks is a critical time for socialization ! " My thought process was I would rather delay socialization a few weeks than take the chance of having another sick dog . At eleven weeks , Liezel started daycare . She couldn 't be with the other puppies yet because she still had a week to go for shots , but she was in the office with the employees - and out of the house . The daycare workers pointed out that she really hated being crated ( yep , we know ) . At home or daycare , while crated she would howl and cry to the point of peeing and / or pooping herself . Never was the crate used for punishment . The purpose of crating her was to create her own private space . The idea being she can go to her crate knowing that when there no one will bother her . It 's her " safe place . " In the meantime , until she realized it was her safe - place she would be crated for naps and at night . It got to the point during what should have been nap time ( she 's fallen asleep somewhere and we pick her up and put her in the crate ) she would just cry , scream and howl . I actually called the breeder and ask " what should we do ? ! " Some dogs don 't take to a crate so the advice was to just let her sleep wherever she laid down . She would still have to be crated at night since she wasn 't fully potty trained . I slept on the floor next to her for four weeks , slowly increasing the distance from her until I could get in to bed . Back to daycare , at 13 weeks she started playing with the other dogs ( shots at 12 weeks , then a week to recover ) . She played with the other puppies and came home worn out . For one hour during the day all the dogs are kenneled ( inside ) for a lunch break . Liezel was still getting three meals a day so this was her lunch and nap break . Being in the kennel alone was as bad as being crated . She would pee / poop herself and cry and howl . One day they had to bathe her because she was in such a tither she got poop all over herself . This was causing me to have some anxiety . I have a happy , healthy puppy who does not like to be crated . I start wondering ' how am I ever going to leave the house ? , ' ' how are we ever going to leave her alone ? , ' ' what have I gotten us into ? ' I talked to the trainer once we started puppy classes and she had some tips . 1 ) never let her out of the crate when she 's crying - doing so will teach her that crying gets her released . Um , she cries the whole time she 's in it . 2 ) hit a wall just outside the room where the crate is . It will get her attention and she will stop to listen . At that moment of silence go get her . 3 ) never tell her " good girl " when she 's coming out of the crate - doing so will teach her getting out is the reward . 4 ) do not show excitement when letting her out . Open the door and walk away . Getting out is not fun / exciting ; going in should be . So over the course of the next couple of months we worked on this . The living room crate for naps was removed and the bedroom crate for nighttime was moved from the foot of the bed to my side . The move would allow her to see down the hallway when she was crated when we went out . Here I should interject that " going out " meant running to the grocery store , maybe going out to dinner , or stopping by my parents ( they live two miles away ) . This wasn 't out to dinner , drinks , and a movie - or even an extended family get - together . We were gone an hour or less . When we got home the crate would be covered in drool and she would be panting . Separation anxiety ? Just complete fear of the crate ? What is the problem , here ? At five months old we stopped using the crate all together . She was locked in our bedroom by a baby gate when we went out and this was a much better solution . She was calmer and we found ( via recording ) that she would curl up on the bed and sleep while we were gone . No drooling , panting , or pacing . She also started sleeping with us at night . It seemed a better option than the nighttime crying , panting , drooling , etc . She jumped into bed , curled up , and that was that . We continued with classes . Puppy class was a great success ! She knew sit , down , shake , watch , and touch before class even started ( remember those several weeks she stayed home ? We were teaching her some stuff . ) so she was kinda the star student [ proud smile ] . By the time we got to intermediate / advanced obedience we noticed some undesirable behaviors . Also around this time , the weather had gotten better and we started taking walks where we also observed undesirable behavior . At class she began barking and attempting to run toward ( on leash ) other people . On a walk , once we got about two houses away , she would turn around pulling toward home . Her happy disposition changed to a vigilant , nervous one . If anyone came out and asked to pet her , she would shrink back and avoid being touched . When she was about 6 months old we were on a walk in the neighborhood . Approaching a driveway partially blocked by a Jeep , two remote control cars came toward us . Liezel barked and lunged at them . The cars were being run by two little boys and the adult started screaming , " Get that dog off of my property before I get my f - ing gun and shoot it . " Hmm . This seemed over - the - top . My then 6 - month old puppy , was startled by the things coming at her , and she reacted . The guy went crazy ! I pointed out to him that I was on city property and I had every right to be there . Well his threats continued so I called the police . He too called the police and was yelling " It 's a Rottweiler ! A ROTTWEILER ! " While on the phone with the police his wife approached me saying " Please , just leave . Please . " Another man in his group approached me saying , " Get out of here you bitch ! " The whole thing escalated very quickly and it really shook me and Liezel up . After this episode I became very nervous about walking Liezel . If you know anything about dogs , you know they feed off their owners ' feelings . So I 'm feeding her nervousness and anxiety by being nervous and anxious . Round and round it went . Around this time a few other things happened . We took a day trip to see the breeder and let her see Liezel . When Deb tried to pet Liezel 's head , Liezel back away . Deb asked me " You haven 't hit her have you ? " Nope . We went camping one weekend and Liezel was so frantic and worried she barked the entire time and got to the point of vomiting from nervousness . We actually took her for a car ride hoping 1 ) to calm her down and 2 ) let the other campers have some peace and quiet . She started barking and lunging at all strangers - going into and out of daycare , at agility class , on a walk , etc . All strangers . And she would freak out at the sound of any car door outside , the doorbell ( real or on TV ) , or the neighbors she could see in their house from the backyard . When I say " freaking out " she would jump up , front paws on the front door , scratching , barking , spit flying , hackles up . Most times there was nothing there . Then it would take an hour or more for her to calm down . I spoke with the trainer about all of this . She did not seem very concerned and gave the impression that Liezel could outgrow it . This was insufficient for me . I needed an action plan . We also had a guy out to our house who represented a company that used e - collars . The company came recommended to us by a family member . His presentation and explanation was really off - putting . We didn 't understand the concept and wondered how could we expect Liezel to understand if we didn 't . Additionally , he said " The dog will have to wear a muzzle in order for me to work with her . " I 'm not opposed to using a muzzle , but he made no attempt to interact with Liezel . His idea was put a muzzle on her and an e - collar and get started . Neither my husband nor I got a good feeling about this so the idea was quickly discarded . The third trainer , Lynn , taught me about thresholds . Not letting Liezel get to the point of reacting because once she was over threshold she was unable to learn . I guess it would be like trying to learn a new skill while being chased by a bear ? When something scary is happening to you , you are not in a learning frame of mind . Week after week for several months , Lynn came to our house and worked on keeping Liezel under threshold . Here 's how it started . Liezel was in the bedroom when Lynn arrived . She sat at the kitchen table while I went to get Liezel . Liezel and I came out of the bedroom one step at a time . When Liezel saw Lynn , I was to say " Good girl " give her a treat , and retreat to the bedroom . Her reward for looking and not reacting was getting to leave the scary thing / person . After weeks of this , we moved outside . Lynn would be across the street and I would walk Liezel . When Liezel looked at Lynn she was praised and treated . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the lesson was over . Lynn also gave me instructions on a dog training process that taught the dog to stay on a mat / bed / blanket while things went on around it . So day one you tell the dog " go to your mat " and treat her when she gets on it [ Liezel already knew " go to your bed " so this was not difficult to teach ] . Take one step away from the mat and come back with " good girl " and a treat . This goes on and on for weeks with progressively more difficult things like running around the dog / mat , leaving the room , opening the front door , and ringing the doorbell . When you get through the whole thing , you start all over again in a different room . We went through all of the weeks ( it took twice as long as the plan because you can 't move on to the next day if the dog gets off the mat today ) and then started the whole thing over in the backyard . Also during this time , we hired a stranger to do stranger approaches . I found a local pet walker and paid her to sit at one end of the parking lot of an empty factory building , while we , 500 feet away , tried to approach and stay under threshold . The instructions from Lynn on this exercise was to come out from behind the building and wait for Liezel to see the stranger . Once she did , " good girl " and retreat . Do it again and try to get a foot closer . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the training was over for the day . After a few months we could get about 450 feet away before Liezel reacted . I stopped taking her to agility with our original trainer . Liezel seemed to really like running the agility course , but on the sideline she would panic over the other people and dogs . It came to a point where I decided the fun of the course did not outweigh the stress of the sidelines . We talked with our vet about this , all of this . She had blood sent out to test for thyroid issues and the results came back normal . It was time to try medication . Our vet could not prescribe Prozac so we went to a recommended veterinary behaviorist who did . She put Liezel on 30mg / day . The intention of medication was to calm Liezel enough so we could continue working on training under threshold . We were becoming a bit reclusive . An entire summer went by and we never took our camper out of storage . I was avoiding any talk of vacation because I didn 't know what we would do with her . When she was 14 months old we did go on vacation and left her with our original trainer . I checked in with the trainer everyday but got vague responses . Come to find out , Liezel just paced the whole time we were gone . During said summer when we didn 't camp , I came across a trainer that I had emailed months before but never heard back from . He was a police dog trainer so I assumed my issues with Liezel probably weren 't what he was looking to work with . He had a booth set up at a city festival advertising dog training , specifically aggression . I found my original email to him , forwarded it with a note saying " Hey , just saw you at the festival . Please see my email below from several months ago and let me know if you can help . " Simply , Z says : June 18 , 2016 at 10 : 35 am Interesting thoughts . We had a puppy too but sadly parted with her because of allergies . We found a nice home for her . I could relate to your puppy " hating " her crate . I will definitely refer to your blog when we get a second chance . Keep writing . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 18 , 2016 at 11 : 40 am Thank you ! It 's been hard having a fearful dog but also very rewarding ! I hope my lessons can help some one else . Reply Tim Taylor says : June 19 , 2016 at 9 : 14 am I 've read all your posts and I have to say they are extremely interesting . My favorite breed is a Doberman , next is German Shepard and then Rottweilers . I hate little yappin ' dogs with a passion . I absolutely love Wolves and I almost got one once upon a time . For me , that would have been a dream come true . Keep writin ' , ' cause now I wanna know how Liezel progresses ! I , too , have a pooch who doesn 't like the crate idea . She does the same panting , drooling thing , plus licks her front legs into sopping appendages ! I went for the baby gate idea , as well , because it didn 't make any sense to continue to upset her so badly with the crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 24 , 2016 at 5 : 56 pm Thank you ! And thank you for following me . Liezel has been trying , but when I look into her little brown almond eyes , I know she was meant for me and me for her . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply jay1991katira says : June 28 , 2016 at 1 : 33 am Nice one , You gave me nice snaps of pet . I love dogs . thank you Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 7 , 2016 at 8 : 17 am I love dogs , too ! They 're loyal and loving . I 'm glad you like the pictures ! Reply frankprem says : July 1 , 2016 at 6 : 47 pm Gorgeous looking dog . Best luck with raising her , and much enjoyment . Cheers , Frank Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 18 , 2016 at 2 : 26 pm Thanks , Laura . I need to commit some time to writing . We 've had a house guest for two weeks and she 's exhausting ! Reply Vaibhav says : July 26 , 2016 at 6 : 26 am Hi again , thanks for stopping by . I read this post and have to say this - I 'm not a dog person at all , bit scared actually and love cats . However , Liezel looks so adorable . A missed vacation sounds terrible but am sure this phase will pass . Great blog title - it will go places . Have a nice day . Reply txhomegirl says : July 27 , 2016 at 5 : 00 pm Good blog ! I have to know what happened . I love Rotts . I 've owned two males and now own a female . She is much more skittish than my males were . Reply hadleylovesgus says : August 9 , 2016 at 12 : 36 pm I feel your pain ! We have our little yorkie , Gus , who suffers from fear of strangers as well . We are in the process of working with him now too . Thank you for writing ! I am hopeful to do a similar documentation of our journey as its been a great help to hear of other stories of people like us who are working hard to help a pup in this type of situation . Thank you ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 9 , 2016 at 5 : 42 pm I 'm so happy to be able to share this experience with you ! The anxiety and constant stress of Liezel 's fear has been tiresome . Every little accomplishment is celebrated because we 're that much closer to her being comfortable . Thank you for reading . I look forward to hearing more about Gus . LikeLike Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 10 am What a captivating story . Hats off to you for sticking with Liezel . She is truly lucky to have found you guys . We 're having some issues with our Bella ( nothing as severe as this ) and reading this makes me believe there might be hope yet 🙂 Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 14 am Hi Diya . Thanks for reading about Liezel ! Yes , there is hope ! With a good trainer and a lot of patience , improvement can be made . What is Bella doing ? Is she fearful ? Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 22 am Yes she is . Goes on full alert , growls and barks persistently when someone dares to pass by our front door . Thankfully she doesn 't lunge at anyone and sometimes I think she barks more out of fear than possessiveness of her territory . Part of it may just be us reading the signs wrong . We are first time dog owners and are only fostering her for a few weeks . She seems okay at times and just when we think she has finally acclimatized she starts up again . But she 's a sweetheart and we will be sorry to see her go . owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 2 : 54 pm I wish that just once in a while they could talk . All the best with Bella ! LikeLike Vernon says : August 27 , 2016 at 5 : 11 am Hi I 'm a passionate Rottweiler owner . I understand your lost with Zelda . When I lost my first Rott name BAR I said I would never own another dog . It took me years to get over him . Today we have our third one name Sebastian . It was my wife first time ever owning a dog . He had anxiety and tried to run our home when we first got him . I never had a crate with my first two dogs so when Nicole said he have to stay in one until we get him trained from chewing everything I wasn 't sure about it . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 27 , 2016 at 8 : 00 am Hi Vernon ! Your comment made me smile first thing this morning ! Yes , Rottweilers have special personalities . I 'm sorry for your loss of BAR . It is so very painful . Congratulations on opening your heart and home to other dogs - they really do make home a better place . For your wife , a first time male Rottweiler is a brave place to start ! According to the breeder we used , the males goes through an ownership phase where they test you to see what they can get away with . Sure , female go through terrible twos , but I guess it doesn 't compare . You mention the nervousness and insecurities - you are spot on with that ! Liezel picks up my emotions in a frighteningly accurate way . If I 'm even feeling a little off , she starts acting nervous . Maybe that 's proof that she was meant to be mine : ) . I really think that most ( if not all ) Rottweilers are big babies ! ! Liezel 's whole issue is fear , she is afraid of strangers . But the people she knows … she will do anything you tell her for a treat , she wants to lick your face and get her belly rubbed . I 'm happy that your wife loves dogs now . Shelby sounds cute - for a little dog - hahaha ! I 'm more of a big dog kinda gal . Ecohug says : September 14 , 2016 at 11 : 35 am Great post , I really enjoyed reading it and wanted to tell you that you are a great dog mom for sticking it out and really working on helping Liezel . I wanted to ask if you tried anything more natural to relieve anxiety , like herbs that are designed to relax the dog ? We had something similar ( not as bad as yours ) with our dog , Maddie , when we brought her home and giving her some herbs really helped her be calm especially in her crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : September 14 , 2016 at 12 : 55 pm Hi ! Thank you for reading about Liezel ! Yes , she gets two Chinese herbs : Shen Calmer and Chai Hu Shu Gan . Both are from our vet . We noticed HUGE improvements once we started the herbs . At one point last winter I took her off of them since she was doing pretty good and we noticed regression in her reactivity . The vet recommended putting her back on them , and again , they brought her back to a calmer , less reactive dog . Reply 200 Saturdays until Paris says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 26 pm I love what a patient and kind person you have been with your baby . I know it has been hard , but I am so happy you didn 't give up . ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 38 pm Thank you ! She she is wonderful in many , many ways . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 20 , 2016 at 5 : 14 am I 'm exhausted reading what you have been through . Also if you need to have break , Liezel should be in good hands with the breeder . I look forward to reading if it gets better for you . Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 21 , 2016 at 5 : 02 am Yes it was long , but it was very thoroughly written . I was hoping desperately that peace and harmony would reign for you , but I had to wait until now to find out . But I am very glad it has gotten better for you . Good on your parents . John Chon says : November 14 , 2016 at 7 : 06 pm Your dog is so cute ! I really liked how thorough you were in this post . I can tell that you love your dog very much . It 's so great to see loving and responsible dog owners out there 🙂 Keep up the great work ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 15 , 2016 at 4 : 43 am Hi John ! Thank you ! We think she 's pretty cute , too . I 'm very glad you enjoyed reading about Liezel . She is doing so much better . LikeLiked by 1 person charlypriest says : November 17 , 2016 at 12 : 58 pm Cute dog , I myself have a recent addition to the family that is called Tina a bulldog of 7 months . What I find fascinating about all this is … . . the dog has a daycarecenter ! That is unheard here in Spain . That dog has better care as a youngster than I did . I 'm actually jealous . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 17 , 2016 at 2 : 34 pm Oh what we do for our pets here … ! Thank you for reading ! Yay for you and Tina ! There is something so wonderful about having a dog . Reply charlypriest says : November 18 , 2016 at 6 : 09 am She does puts me a smile on the face , although she can be a pain in the but quite a lot of times . Specially when she starts eating walls , chairs , sofas , socks , the list goes on . What a stomach this dog has , it 's bullet proof .
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Knowing nothing about blogs or blogging , I had a * great * idea this morning to start my own and write all about my dog . I considered writing a book … but would there be enough to say and would anyone care ? At least this way , I can get it all out in writing , look at what I 've got and see where it goes . We ( my husband and I ) brought home a 7 . 5 week Rottweiler puppy on January 17 , 2014 . We named her Liezel ( sounds like diesel ) , I 'll spare you the long AKC registered name . I was apprehensive because we had just gone though a painful year and a half of caring for a very sick Rottweiler , Zelda . We put her down just before her second birthday in September , 2013 , and it was heartbreaking . Zelda was my first dog , I loved her more than I knew was possible . Getting a new puppy was scary ( what if she 's sick ) and exciting ( puppies are fun and cute ) . My intention for getting a dog was not only companionship but also to compete in dog sports ( obedience , agility ) , ultimately Schutzhund . We were supposed to start puppy classes right away , but Liezel not having her 12 - week shots , I postponed classes until the " next semester " for fear she would get sick . From 8 weeks to 11 weeks , Liezel stayed home . I took a week off of work , my husband took a week off , and my retired parents stayed with her for a week during the day while we worked . Aside from hating the crate she seemed like a perfectly content pup . The neighbors came over to meet her and when she met their Rottweiler , she was in Heaven ! She took to him like he was her best friend . I wondered if she thought " Wow ! Something like me - just bigger . " I remember commenting that the neighbor 's dog looked at me with an expression of " get this mosquito away from me ! " She loved when he came over . During the 8 - to 12 - week age we had major snowfall in Michigan . We had to dig tracks in the yard for Liezel to go potty since the snow was deeper than she was tall . It was very cold and with the snow and salt we did not take her for walks . However , she went to the pet store ( I carried her ) , the vet , and my parents house for small amounts of exposure . I know , I know " 8 - to 12 - weeks is a critical time for socialization ! " My thought process was I would rather delay socialization a few weeks than take the chance of having another sick dog . At eleven weeks , Liezel started daycare . She couldn 't be with the other puppies yet because she still had a week to go for shots , but she was in the office with the employees - and out of the house . The daycare workers pointed out that she really hated being crated ( yep , we know ) . At home or daycare , while crated she would howl and cry to the point of peeing and / or pooping herself . Never was the crate used for punishment . The purpose of crating her was to create her own private space . The idea being she can go to her crate knowing that when there no one will bother her . It 's her " safe place . " In the meantime , until she realized it was her safe - place she would be crated for naps and at night . It got to the point during what should have been nap time ( she 's fallen asleep somewhere and we pick her up and put her in the crate ) she would just cry , scream and howl . I actually called the breeder and ask " what should we do ? ! " Some dogs don 't take to a crate so the advice was to just let her sleep wherever she laid down . She would still have to be crated at night since she wasn 't fully potty trained . I slept on the floor next to her for four weeks , slowly increasing the distance from her until I could get in to bed . Back to daycare , at 13 weeks she started playing with the other dogs ( shots at 12 weeks , then a week to recover ) . She played with the other puppies and came home worn out . For one hour during the day all the dogs are kenneled ( inside ) for a lunch break . Liezel was still getting three meals a day so this was her lunch and nap break . Being in the kennel alone was as bad as being crated . She would pee / poop herself and cry and howl . One day they had to bathe her because she was in such a tither she got poop all over herself . This was causing me to have some anxiety . I have a happy , healthy puppy who does not like to be crated . I start wondering ' how am I ever going to leave the house ? , ' ' how are we ever going to leave her alone ? , ' ' what have I gotten us into ? ' I talked to the trainer once we started puppy classes and she had some tips . 1 ) never let her out of the crate when she 's crying - doing so will teach her that crying gets her released . Um , she cries the whole time she 's in it . 2 ) hit a wall just outside the room where the crate is . It will get her attention and she will stop to listen . At that moment of silence go get her . 3 ) never tell her " good girl " when she 's coming out of the crate - doing so will teach her getting out is the reward . 4 ) do not show excitement when letting her out . Open the door and walk away . Getting out is not fun / exciting ; going in should be . So over the course of the next couple of months we worked on this . The living room crate for naps was removed and the bedroom crate for nighttime was moved from the foot of the bed to my side . The move would allow her to see down the hallway when she was crated when we went out . Here I should interject that " going out " meant running to the grocery store , maybe going out to dinner , or stopping by my parents ( they live two miles away ) . This wasn 't out to dinner , drinks , and a movie - or even an extended family get - together . We were gone an hour or less . When we got home the crate would be covered in drool and she would be panting . Separation anxiety ? Just complete fear of the crate ? What is the problem , here ? At five months old we stopped using the crate all together . She was locked in our bedroom by a baby gate when we went out and this was a much better solution . She was calmer and we found ( via recording ) that she would curl up on the bed and sleep while we were gone . No drooling , panting , or pacing . She also started sleeping with us at night . It seemed a better option than the nighttime crying , panting , drooling , etc . She jumped into bed , curled up , and that was that . We continued with classes . Puppy class was a great success ! She knew sit , down , shake , watch , and touch before class even started ( remember those several weeks she stayed home ? We were teaching her some stuff . ) so she was kinda the star student [ proud smile ] . By the time we got to intermediate / advanced obedience we noticed some undesirable behaviors . Also around this time , the weather had gotten better and we started taking walks where we also observed undesirable behavior . At class she began barking and attempting to run toward ( on leash ) other people . On a walk , once we got about two houses away , she would turn around pulling toward home . Her happy disposition changed to a vigilant , nervous one . If anyone came out and asked to pet her , she would shrink back and avoid being touched . When she was about 6 months old we were on a walk in the neighborhood . Approaching a driveway partially blocked by a Jeep , two remote control cars came toward us . Liezel barked and lunged at them . The cars were being run by two little boys and the adult started screaming , " Get that dog off of my property before I get my f - ing gun and shoot it . " Hmm . This seemed over - the - top . My then 6 - month old puppy , was startled by the things coming at her , and she reacted . The guy went crazy ! I pointed out to him that I was on city property and I had every right to be there . Well his threats continued so I called the police . He too called the police and was yelling " It 's a Rottweiler ! A ROTTWEILER ! " While on the phone with the police his wife approached me saying " Please , just leave . Please . " Another man in his group approached me saying , " Get out of here you bitch ! " The whole thing escalated very quickly and it really shook me and Liezel up . After this episode I became very nervous about walking Liezel . If you know anything about dogs , you know they feed off their owners ' feelings . So I 'm feeding her nervousness and anxiety by being nervous and anxious . Round and round it went . Around this time a few other things happened . We took a day trip to see the breeder and let her see Liezel . When Deb tried to pet Liezel 's head , Liezel back away . Deb asked me " You haven 't hit her have you ? " Nope . We went camping one weekend and Liezel was so frantic and worried she barked the entire time and got to the point of vomiting from nervousness . We actually took her for a car ride hoping 1 ) to calm her down and 2 ) let the other campers have some peace and quiet . She started barking and lunging at all strangers - going into and out of daycare , at agility class , on a walk , etc . All strangers . And she would freak out at the sound of any car door outside , the doorbell ( real or on TV ) , or the neighbors she could see in their house from the backyard . When I say " freaking out " she would jump up , front paws on the front door , scratching , barking , spit flying , hackles up . Most times there was nothing there . Then it would take an hour or more for her to calm down . I spoke with the trainer about all of this . She did not seem very concerned and gave the impression that Liezel could outgrow it . This was insufficient for me . I needed an action plan . We also had a guy out to our house who represented a company that used e - collars . The company came recommended to us by a family member . His presentation and explanation was really off - putting . We didn 't understand the concept and wondered how could we expect Liezel to understand if we didn 't . Additionally , he said " The dog will have to wear a muzzle in order for me to work with her . " I 'm not opposed to using a muzzle , but he made no attempt to interact with Liezel . His idea was put a muzzle on her and an e - collar and get started . Neither my husband nor I got a good feeling about this so the idea was quickly discarded . The third trainer , Lynn , taught me about thresholds . Not letting Liezel get to the point of reacting because once she was over threshold she was unable to learn . I guess it would be like trying to learn a new skill while being chased by a bear ? When something scary is happening to you , you are not in a learning frame of mind . Week after week for several months , Lynn came to our house and worked on keeping Liezel under threshold . Here 's how it started . Liezel was in the bedroom when Lynn arrived . She sat at the kitchen table while I went to get Liezel . Liezel and I came out of the bedroom one step at a time . When Liezel saw Lynn , I was to say " Good girl " give her a treat , and retreat to the bedroom . Her reward for looking and not reacting was getting to leave the scary thing / person . After weeks of this , we moved outside . Lynn would be across the street and I would walk Liezel . When Liezel looked at Lynn she was praised and treated . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the lesson was over . Lynn also gave me instructions on a dog training process that taught the dog to stay on a mat / bed / blanket while things went on around it . So day one you tell the dog " go to your mat " and treat her when she gets on it [ Liezel already knew " go to your bed " so this was not difficult to teach ] . Take one step away from the mat and come back with " good girl " and a treat . This goes on and on for weeks with progressively more difficult things like running around the dog / mat , leaving the room , opening the front door , and ringing the doorbell . When you get through the whole thing , you start all over again in a different room . We went through all of the weeks ( it took twice as long as the plan because you can 't move on to the next day if the dog gets off the mat today ) and then started the whole thing over in the backyard . Also during this time , we hired a stranger to do stranger approaches . I found a local pet walker and paid her to sit at one end of the parking lot of an empty factory building , while we , 500 feet away , tried to approach and stay under threshold . The instructions from Lynn on this exercise was to come out from behind the building and wait for Liezel to see the stranger . Once she did , " good girl " and retreat . Do it again and try to get a foot closer . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the training was over for the day . After a few months we could get about 450 feet away before Liezel reacted . I stopped taking her to agility with our original trainer . Liezel seemed to really like running the agility course , but on the sideline she would panic over the other people and dogs . It came to a point where I decided the fun of the course did not outweigh the stress of the sidelines . We talked with our vet about this , all of this . She had blood sent out to test for thyroid issues and the results came back normal . It was time to try medication . Our vet could not prescribe Prozac so we went to a recommended veterinary behaviorist who did . She put Liezel on 30mg / day . The intention of medication was to calm Liezel enough so we could continue working on training under threshold . We were becoming a bit reclusive . An entire summer went by and we never took our camper out of storage . I was avoiding any talk of vacation because I didn 't know what we would do with her . When she was 14 months old we did go on vacation and left her with our original trainer . I checked in with the trainer everyday but got vague responses . Come to find out , Liezel just paced the whole time we were gone . During said summer when we didn 't camp , I came across a trainer that I had emailed months before but never heard back from . He was a police dog trainer so I assumed my issues with Liezel probably weren 't what he was looking to work with . He had a booth set up at a city festival advertising dog training , specifically aggression . I found my original email to him , forwarded it with a note saying " Hey , just saw you at the festival . Please see my email below from several months ago and let me know if you can help . " Simply , Z says : June 18 , 2016 at 10 : 35 am Interesting thoughts . We had a puppy too but sadly parted with her because of allergies . We found a nice home for her . I could relate to your puppy " hating " her crate . I will definitely refer to your blog when we get a second chance . Keep writing . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 18 , 2016 at 11 : 40 am Thank you ! It 's been hard having a fearful dog but also very rewarding ! I hope my lessons can help some one else . Reply Tim Taylor says : June 19 , 2016 at 9 : 14 am I 've read all your posts and I have to say they are extremely interesting . My favorite breed is a Doberman , next is German Shepard and then Rottweilers . I hate little yappin ' dogs with a passion . I absolutely love Wolves and I almost got one once upon a time . For me , that would have been a dream come true . Keep writin ' , ' cause now I wanna know how Liezel progresses ! I , too , have a pooch who doesn 't like the crate idea . She does the same panting , drooling thing , plus licks her front legs into sopping appendages ! I went for the baby gate idea , as well , because it didn 't make any sense to continue to upset her so badly with the crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 24 , 2016 at 5 : 56 pm Thank you ! And thank you for following me . Liezel has been trying , but when I look into her little brown almond eyes , I know she was meant for me and me for her . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply jay1991katira says : June 28 , 2016 at 1 : 33 am Nice one , You gave me nice snaps of pet . I love dogs . thank you Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 7 , 2016 at 8 : 17 am I love dogs , too ! They 're loyal and loving . I 'm glad you like the pictures ! Reply frankprem says : July 1 , 2016 at 6 : 47 pm Gorgeous looking dog . Best luck with raising her , and much enjoyment . Cheers , Frank Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 18 , 2016 at 2 : 26 pm Thanks , Laura . I need to commit some time to writing . We 've had a house guest for two weeks and she 's exhausting ! Reply Vaibhav says : July 26 , 2016 at 6 : 26 am Hi again , thanks for stopping by . I read this post and have to say this - I 'm not a dog person at all , bit scared actually and love cats . However , Liezel looks so adorable . A missed vacation sounds terrible but am sure this phase will pass . Great blog title - it will go places . Have a nice day . Reply txhomegirl says : July 27 , 2016 at 5 : 00 pm Good blog ! I have to know what happened . I love Rotts . I 've owned two males and now own a female . She is much more skittish than my males were . Reply hadleylovesgus says : August 9 , 2016 at 12 : 36 pm I feel your pain ! We have our little yorkie , Gus , who suffers from fear of strangers as well . We are in the process of working with him now too . Thank you for writing ! I am hopeful to do a similar documentation of our journey as its been a great help to hear of other stories of people like us who are working hard to help a pup in this type of situation . Thank you ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 9 , 2016 at 5 : 42 pm I 'm so happy to be able to share this experience with you ! The anxiety and constant stress of Liezel 's fear has been tiresome . Every little accomplishment is celebrated because we 're that much closer to her being comfortable . Thank you for reading . I look forward to hearing more about Gus . LikeLike Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 10 am What a captivating story . Hats off to you for sticking with Liezel . She is truly lucky to have found you guys . We 're having some issues with our Bella ( nothing as severe as this ) and reading this makes me believe there might be hope yet 🙂 Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 14 am Hi Diya . Thanks for reading about Liezel ! Yes , there is hope ! With a good trainer and a lot of patience , improvement can be made . What is Bella doing ? Is she fearful ? Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 22 am Yes she is . Goes on full alert , growls and barks persistently when someone dares to pass by our front door . Thankfully she doesn 't lunge at anyone and sometimes I think she barks more out of fear than possessiveness of her territory . Part of it may just be us reading the signs wrong . We are first time dog owners and are only fostering her for a few weeks . She seems okay at times and just when we think she has finally acclimatized she starts up again . But she 's a sweetheart and we will be sorry to see her go . owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 2 : 54 pm I wish that just once in a while they could talk . All the best with Bella ! LikeLike Vernon says : August 27 , 2016 at 5 : 11 am Hi I 'm a passionate Rottweiler owner . I understand your lost with Zelda . When I lost my first Rott name BAR I said I would never own another dog . It took me years to get over him . Today we have our third one name Sebastian . It was my wife first time ever owning a dog . He had anxiety and tried to run our home when we first got him . I never had a crate with my first two dogs so when Nicole said he have to stay in one until we get him trained from chewing everything I wasn 't sure about it . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 27 , 2016 at 8 : 00 am Hi Vernon ! Your comment made me smile first thing this morning ! Yes , Rottweilers have special personalities . I 'm sorry for your loss of BAR . It is so very painful . Congratulations on opening your heart and home to other dogs - they really do make home a better place . For your wife , a first time male Rottweiler is a brave place to start ! According to the breeder we used , the males goes through an ownership phase where they test you to see what they can get away with . Sure , female go through terrible twos , but I guess it doesn 't compare . You mention the nervousness and insecurities - you are spot on with that ! Liezel picks up my emotions in a frighteningly accurate way . If I 'm even feeling a little off , she starts acting nervous . Maybe that 's proof that she was meant to be mine : ) . I really think that most ( if not all ) Rottweilers are big babies ! ! Liezel 's whole issue is fear , she is afraid of strangers . But the people she knows … she will do anything you tell her for a treat , she wants to lick your face and get her belly rubbed . I 'm happy that your wife loves dogs now . Shelby sounds cute - for a little dog - hahaha ! I 'm more of a big dog kinda gal . Ecohug says : September 14 , 2016 at 11 : 35 am Great post , I really enjoyed reading it and wanted to tell you that you are a great dog mom for sticking it out and really working on helping Liezel . I wanted to ask if you tried anything more natural to relieve anxiety , like herbs that are designed to relax the dog ? We had something similar ( not as bad as yours ) with our dog , Maddie , when we brought her home and giving her some herbs really helped her be calm especially in her crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : September 14 , 2016 at 12 : 55 pm Hi ! Thank you for reading about Liezel ! Yes , she gets two Chinese herbs : Shen Calmer and Chai Hu Shu Gan . Both are from our vet . We noticed HUGE improvements once we started the herbs . At one point last winter I took her off of them since she was doing pretty good and we noticed regression in her reactivity . The vet recommended putting her back on them , and again , they brought her back to a calmer , less reactive dog . Reply 200 Saturdays until Paris says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 26 pm I love what a patient and kind person you have been with your baby . I know it has been hard , but I am so happy you didn 't give up . ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 38 pm Thank you ! She she is wonderful in many , many ways . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 20 , 2016 at 5 : 14 am I 'm exhausted reading what you have been through . Also if you need to have break , Liezel should be in good hands with the breeder . I look forward to reading if it gets better for you . Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 21 , 2016 at 5 : 02 am Yes it was long , but it was very thoroughly written . I was hoping desperately that peace and harmony would reign for you , but I had to wait until now to find out . But I am very glad it has gotten better for you . Good on your parents . John Chon says : November 14 , 2016 at 7 : 06 pm Your dog is so cute ! I really liked how thorough you were in this post . I can tell that you love your dog very much . It 's so great to see loving and responsible dog owners out there 🙂 Keep up the great work ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 15 , 2016 at 4 : 43 am Hi John ! Thank you ! We think she 's pretty cute , too . I 'm very glad you enjoyed reading about Liezel . She is doing so much better . LikeLiked by 1 person charlypriest says : November 17 , 2016 at 12 : 58 pm Cute dog , I myself have a recent addition to the family that is called Tina a bulldog of 7 months . What I find fascinating about all this is … . . the dog has a daycarecenter ! That is unheard here in Spain . That dog has better care as a youngster than I did . I 'm actually jealous . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 17 , 2016 at 2 : 34 pm Oh what we do for our pets here … ! Thank you for reading ! Yay for you and Tina ! There is something so wonderful about having a dog . Reply charlypriest says : November 18 , 2016 at 6 : 09 am She does puts me a smile on the face , although she can be a pain in the but quite a lot of times . Specially when she starts eating walls , chairs , sofas , socks , the list goes on . What a stomach this dog has , it 's bullet proof .
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Knowing nothing about blogs or blogging , I had a * great * idea this morning to start my own and write all about my dog . I considered writing a book … but would there be enough to say and would anyone care ? At least this way , I can get it all out in writing , look at what I 've got and see where it goes . We ( my husband and I ) brought home a 7 . 5 week Rottweiler puppy on January 17 , 2014 . We named her Liezel ( sounds like diesel ) , I 'll spare you the long AKC registered name . I was apprehensive because we had just gone though a painful year and a half of caring for a very sick Rottweiler , Zelda . We put her down just before her second birthday in September , 2013 , and it was heartbreaking . Zelda was my first dog , I loved her more than I knew was possible . Getting a new puppy was scary ( what if she 's sick ) and exciting ( puppies are fun and cute ) . My intention for getting a dog was not only companionship but also to compete in dog sports ( obedience , agility ) , ultimately Schutzhund . We were supposed to start puppy classes right away , but Liezel not having her 12 - week shots , I postponed classes until the " next semester " for fear she would get sick . From 8 weeks to 11 weeks , Liezel stayed home . I took a week off of work , my husband took a week off , and my retired parents stayed with her for a week during the day while we worked . Aside from hating the crate she seemed like a perfectly content pup . The neighbors came over to meet her and when she met their Rottweiler , she was in Heaven ! She took to him like he was her best friend . I wondered if she thought " Wow ! Something like me - just bigger . " I remember commenting that the neighbor 's dog looked at me with an expression of " get this mosquito away from me ! " She loved when he came over . During the 8 - to 12 - week age we had major snowfall in Michigan . We had to dig tracks in the yard for Liezel to go potty since the snow was deeper than she was tall . It was very cold and with the snow and salt we did not take her for walks . However , she went to the pet store ( I carried her ) , the vet , and my parents house for small amounts of exposure . I know , I know " 8 - to 12 - weeks is a critical time for socialization ! " My thought process was I would rather delay socialization a few weeks than take the chance of having another sick dog . At eleven weeks , Liezel started daycare . She couldn 't be with the other puppies yet because she still had a week to go for shots , but she was in the office with the employees - and out of the house . The daycare workers pointed out that she really hated being crated ( yep , we know ) . At home or daycare , while crated she would howl and cry to the point of peeing and / or pooping herself . Never was the crate used for punishment . The purpose of crating her was to create her own private space . The idea being she can go to her crate knowing that when there no one will bother her . It 's her " safe place . " In the meantime , until she realized it was her safe - place she would be crated for naps and at night . It got to the point during what should have been nap time ( she 's fallen asleep somewhere and we pick her up and put her in the crate ) she would just cry , scream and howl . I actually called the breeder and ask " what should we do ? ! " Some dogs don 't take to a crate so the advice was to just let her sleep wherever she laid down . She would still have to be crated at night since she wasn 't fully potty trained . I slept on the floor next to her for four weeks , slowly increasing the distance from her until I could get in to bed . Back to daycare , at 13 weeks she started playing with the other dogs ( shots at 12 weeks , then a week to recover ) . She played with the other puppies and came home worn out . For one hour during the day all the dogs are kenneled ( inside ) for a lunch break . Liezel was still getting three meals a day so this was her lunch and nap break . Being in the kennel alone was as bad as being crated . She would pee / poop herself and cry and howl . One day they had to bathe her because she was in such a tither she got poop all over herself . This was causing me to have some anxiety . I have a happy , healthy puppy who does not like to be crated . I start wondering ' how am I ever going to leave the house ? , ' ' how are we ever going to leave her alone ? , ' ' what have I gotten us into ? ' I talked to the trainer once we started puppy classes and she had some tips . 1 ) never let her out of the crate when she 's crying - doing so will teach her that crying gets her released . Um , she cries the whole time she 's in it . 2 ) hit a wall just outside the room where the crate is . It will get her attention and she will stop to listen . At that moment of silence go get her . 3 ) never tell her " good girl " when she 's coming out of the crate - doing so will teach her getting out is the reward . 4 ) do not show excitement when letting her out . Open the door and walk away . Getting out is not fun / exciting ; going in should be . So over the course of the next couple of months we worked on this . The living room crate for naps was removed and the bedroom crate for nighttime was moved from the foot of the bed to my side . The move would allow her to see down the hallway when she was crated when we went out . Here I should interject that " going out " meant running to the grocery store , maybe going out to dinner , or stopping by my parents ( they live two miles away ) . This wasn 't out to dinner , drinks , and a movie - or even an extended family get - together . We were gone an hour or less . When we got home the crate would be covered in drool and she would be panting . Separation anxiety ? Just complete fear of the crate ? What is the problem , here ? At five months old we stopped using the crate all together . She was locked in our bedroom by a baby gate when we went out and this was a much better solution . She was calmer and we found ( via recording ) that she would curl up on the bed and sleep while we were gone . No drooling , panting , or pacing . She also started sleeping with us at night . It seemed a better option than the nighttime crying , panting , drooling , etc . She jumped into bed , curled up , and that was that . We continued with classes . Puppy class was a great success ! She knew sit , down , shake , watch , and touch before class even started ( remember those several weeks she stayed home ? We were teaching her some stuff . ) so she was kinda the star student [ proud smile ] . By the time we got to intermediate / advanced obedience we noticed some undesirable behaviors . Also around this time , the weather had gotten better and we started taking walks where we also observed undesirable behavior . At class she began barking and attempting to run toward ( on leash ) other people . On a walk , once we got about two houses away , she would turn around pulling toward home . Her happy disposition changed to a vigilant , nervous one . If anyone came out and asked to pet her , she would shrink back and avoid being touched . When she was about 6 months old we were on a walk in the neighborhood . Approaching a driveway partially blocked by a Jeep , two remote control cars came toward us . Liezel barked and lunged at them . The cars were being run by two little boys and the adult started screaming , " Get that dog off of my property before I get my f - ing gun and shoot it . " Hmm . This seemed over - the - top . My then 6 - month old puppy , was startled by the things coming at her , and she reacted . The guy went crazy ! I pointed out to him that I was on city property and I had every right to be there . Well his threats continued so I called the police . He too called the police and was yelling " It 's a Rottweiler ! A ROTTWEILER ! " While on the phone with the police his wife approached me saying " Please , just leave . Please . " Another man in his group approached me saying , " Get out of here you bitch ! " The whole thing escalated very quickly and it really shook me and Liezel up . After this episode I became very nervous about walking Liezel . If you know anything about dogs , you know they feed off their owners ' feelings . So I 'm feeding her nervousness and anxiety by being nervous and anxious . Round and round it went . Around this time a few other things happened . We took a day trip to see the breeder and let her see Liezel . When Deb tried to pet Liezel 's head , Liezel back away . Deb asked me " You haven 't hit her have you ? " Nope . We went camping one weekend and Liezel was so frantic and worried she barked the entire time and got to the point of vomiting from nervousness . We actually took her for a car ride hoping 1 ) to calm her down and 2 ) let the other campers have some peace and quiet . She started barking and lunging at all strangers - going into and out of daycare , at agility class , on a walk , etc . All strangers . And she would freak out at the sound of any car door outside , the doorbell ( real or on TV ) , or the neighbors she could see in their house from the backyard . When I say " freaking out " she would jump up , front paws on the front door , scratching , barking , spit flying , hackles up . Most times there was nothing there . Then it would take an hour or more for her to calm down . I spoke with the trainer about all of this . She did not seem very concerned and gave the impression that Liezel could outgrow it . This was insufficient for me . I needed an action plan . We also had a guy out to our house who represented a company that used e - collars . The company came recommended to us by a family member . His presentation and explanation was really off - putting . We didn 't understand the concept and wondered how could we expect Liezel to understand if we didn 't . Additionally , he said " The dog will have to wear a muzzle in order for me to work with her . " I 'm not opposed to using a muzzle , but he made no attempt to interact with Liezel . His idea was put a muzzle on her and an e - collar and get started . Neither my husband nor I got a good feeling about this so the idea was quickly discarded . The third trainer , Lynn , taught me about thresholds . Not letting Liezel get to the point of reacting because once she was over threshold she was unable to learn . I guess it would be like trying to learn a new skill while being chased by a bear ? When something scary is happening to you , you are not in a learning frame of mind . Week after week for several months , Lynn came to our house and worked on keeping Liezel under threshold . Here 's how it started . Liezel was in the bedroom when Lynn arrived . She sat at the kitchen table while I went to get Liezel . Liezel and I came out of the bedroom one step at a time . When Liezel saw Lynn , I was to say " Good girl " give her a treat , and retreat to the bedroom . Her reward for looking and not reacting was getting to leave the scary thing / person . After weeks of this , we moved outside . Lynn would be across the street and I would walk Liezel . When Liezel looked at Lynn she was praised and treated . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the lesson was over . Lynn also gave me instructions on a dog training process that taught the dog to stay on a mat / bed / blanket while things went on around it . So day one you tell the dog " go to your mat " and treat her when she gets on it [ Liezel already knew " go to your bed " so this was not difficult to teach ] . Take one step away from the mat and come back with " good girl " and a treat . This goes on and on for weeks with progressively more difficult things like running around the dog / mat , leaving the room , opening the front door , and ringing the doorbell . When you get through the whole thing , you start all over again in a different room . We went through all of the weeks ( it took twice as long as the plan because you can 't move on to the next day if the dog gets off the mat today ) and then started the whole thing over in the backyard . Also during this time , we hired a stranger to do stranger approaches . I found a local pet walker and paid her to sit at one end of the parking lot of an empty factory building , while we , 500 feet away , tried to approach and stay under threshold . The instructions from Lynn on this exercise was to come out from behind the building and wait for Liezel to see the stranger . Once she did , " good girl " and retreat . Do it again and try to get a foot closer . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the training was over for the day . After a few months we could get about 450 feet away before Liezel reacted . I stopped taking her to agility with our original trainer . Liezel seemed to really like running the agility course , but on the sideline she would panic over the other people and dogs . It came to a point where I decided the fun of the course did not outweigh the stress of the sidelines . We talked with our vet about this , all of this . She had blood sent out to test for thyroid issues and the results came back normal . It was time to try medication . Our vet could not prescribe Prozac so we went to a recommended veterinary behaviorist who did . She put Liezel on 30mg / day . The intention of medication was to calm Liezel enough so we could continue working on training under threshold . We were becoming a bit reclusive . An entire summer went by and we never took our camper out of storage . I was avoiding any talk of vacation because I didn 't know what we would do with her . When she was 14 months old we did go on vacation and left her with our original trainer . I checked in with the trainer everyday but got vague responses . Come to find out , Liezel just paced the whole time we were gone . During said summer when we didn 't camp , I came across a trainer that I had emailed months before but never heard back from . He was a police dog trainer so I assumed my issues with Liezel probably weren 't what he was looking to work with . He had a booth set up at a city festival advertising dog training , specifically aggression . I found my original email to him , forwarded it with a note saying " Hey , just saw you at the festival . Please see my email below from several months ago and let me know if you can help . " Simply , Z says : June 18 , 2016 at 10 : 35 am Interesting thoughts . We had a puppy too but sadly parted with her because of allergies . We found a nice home for her . I could relate to your puppy " hating " her crate . I will definitely refer to your blog when we get a second chance . Keep writing . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 18 , 2016 at 11 : 40 am Thank you ! It 's been hard having a fearful dog but also very rewarding ! I hope my lessons can help some one else . Reply Tim Taylor says : June 19 , 2016 at 9 : 14 am I 've read all your posts and I have to say they are extremely interesting . My favorite breed is a Doberman , next is German Shepard and then Rottweilers . I hate little yappin ' dogs with a passion . I absolutely love Wolves and I almost got one once upon a time . For me , that would have been a dream come true . Keep writin ' , ' cause now I wanna know how Liezel progresses ! I , too , have a pooch who doesn 't like the crate idea . She does the same panting , drooling thing , plus licks her front legs into sopping appendages ! I went for the baby gate idea , as well , because it didn 't make any sense to continue to upset her so badly with the crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 24 , 2016 at 5 : 56 pm Thank you ! And thank you for following me . Liezel has been trying , but when I look into her little brown almond eyes , I know she was meant for me and me for her . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply jay1991katira says : June 28 , 2016 at 1 : 33 am Nice one , You gave me nice snaps of pet . I love dogs . thank you Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 7 , 2016 at 8 : 17 am I love dogs , too ! They 're loyal and loving . I 'm glad you like the pictures ! Reply frankprem says : July 1 , 2016 at 6 : 47 pm Gorgeous looking dog . Best luck with raising her , and much enjoyment . Cheers , Frank Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 18 , 2016 at 2 : 26 pm Thanks , Laura . I need to commit some time to writing . We 've had a house guest for two weeks and she 's exhausting ! Reply Vaibhav says : July 26 , 2016 at 6 : 26 am Hi again , thanks for stopping by . I read this post and have to say this - I 'm not a dog person at all , bit scared actually and love cats . However , Liezel looks so adorable . A missed vacation sounds terrible but am sure this phase will pass . Great blog title - it will go places . Have a nice day . Reply txhomegirl says : July 27 , 2016 at 5 : 00 pm Good blog ! I have to know what happened . I love Rotts . I 've owned two males and now own a female . She is much more skittish than my males were . Reply hadleylovesgus says : August 9 , 2016 at 12 : 36 pm I feel your pain ! We have our little yorkie , Gus , who suffers from fear of strangers as well . We are in the process of working with him now too . Thank you for writing ! I am hopeful to do a similar documentation of our journey as its been a great help to hear of other stories of people like us who are working hard to help a pup in this type of situation . Thank you ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 9 , 2016 at 5 : 42 pm I 'm so happy to be able to share this experience with you ! The anxiety and constant stress of Liezel 's fear has been tiresome . Every little accomplishment is celebrated because we 're that much closer to her being comfortable . Thank you for reading . I look forward to hearing more about Gus . LikeLike Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 10 am What a captivating story . Hats off to you for sticking with Liezel . She is truly lucky to have found you guys . We 're having some issues with our Bella ( nothing as severe as this ) and reading this makes me believe there might be hope yet 🙂 Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 14 am Hi Diya . Thanks for reading about Liezel ! Yes , there is hope ! With a good trainer and a lot of patience , improvement can be made . What is Bella doing ? Is she fearful ? Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 22 am Yes she is . Goes on full alert , growls and barks persistently when someone dares to pass by our front door . Thankfully she doesn 't lunge at anyone and sometimes I think she barks more out of fear than possessiveness of her territory . Part of it may just be us reading the signs wrong . We are first time dog owners and are only fostering her for a few weeks . She seems okay at times and just when we think she has finally acclimatized she starts up again . But she 's a sweetheart and we will be sorry to see her go . owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 2 : 54 pm I wish that just once in a while they could talk . All the best with Bella ! LikeLike Vernon says : August 27 , 2016 at 5 : 11 am Hi I 'm a passionate Rottweiler owner . I understand your lost with Zelda . When I lost my first Rott name BAR I said I would never own another dog . It took me years to get over him . Today we have our third one name Sebastian . It was my wife first time ever owning a dog . He had anxiety and tried to run our home when we first got him . I never had a crate with my first two dogs so when Nicole said he have to stay in one until we get him trained from chewing everything I wasn 't sure about it . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 27 , 2016 at 8 : 00 am Hi Vernon ! Your comment made me smile first thing this morning ! Yes , Rottweilers have special personalities . I 'm sorry for your loss of BAR . It is so very painful . Congratulations on opening your heart and home to other dogs - they really do make home a better place . For your wife , a first time male Rottweiler is a brave place to start ! According to the breeder we used , the males goes through an ownership phase where they test you to see what they can get away with . Sure , female go through terrible twos , but I guess it doesn 't compare . You mention the nervousness and insecurities - you are spot on with that ! Liezel picks up my emotions in a frighteningly accurate way . If I 'm even feeling a little off , she starts acting nervous . Maybe that 's proof that she was meant to be mine : ) . I really think that most ( if not all ) Rottweilers are big babies ! ! Liezel 's whole issue is fear , she is afraid of strangers . But the people she knows … she will do anything you tell her for a treat , she wants to lick your face and get her belly rubbed . I 'm happy that your wife loves dogs now . Shelby sounds cute - for a little dog - hahaha ! I 'm more of a big dog kinda gal . Ecohug says : September 14 , 2016 at 11 : 35 am Great post , I really enjoyed reading it and wanted to tell you that you are a great dog mom for sticking it out and really working on helping Liezel . I wanted to ask if you tried anything more natural to relieve anxiety , like herbs that are designed to relax the dog ? We had something similar ( not as bad as yours ) with our dog , Maddie , when we brought her home and giving her some herbs really helped her be calm especially in her crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : September 14 , 2016 at 12 : 55 pm Hi ! Thank you for reading about Liezel ! Yes , she gets two Chinese herbs : Shen Calmer and Chai Hu Shu Gan . Both are from our vet . We noticed HUGE improvements once we started the herbs . At one point last winter I took her off of them since she was doing pretty good and we noticed regression in her reactivity . The vet recommended putting her back on them , and again , they brought her back to a calmer , less reactive dog . Reply 200 Saturdays until Paris says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 26 pm I love what a patient and kind person you have been with your baby . I know it has been hard , but I am so happy you didn 't give up . ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 38 pm Thank you ! She she is wonderful in many , many ways . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 20 , 2016 at 5 : 14 am I 'm exhausted reading what you have been through . Also if you need to have break , Liezel should be in good hands with the breeder . I look forward to reading if it gets better for you . Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 21 , 2016 at 5 : 02 am Yes it was long , but it was very thoroughly written . I was hoping desperately that peace and harmony would reign for you , but I had to wait until now to find out . But I am very glad it has gotten better for you . Good on your parents . John Chon says : November 14 , 2016 at 7 : 06 pm Your dog is so cute ! I really liked how thorough you were in this post . I can tell that you love your dog very much . It 's so great to see loving and responsible dog owners out there 🙂 Keep up the great work ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 15 , 2016 at 4 : 43 am Hi John ! Thank you ! We think she 's pretty cute , too . I 'm very glad you enjoyed reading about Liezel . She is doing so much better . LikeLiked by 1 person charlypriest says : November 17 , 2016 at 12 : 58 pm Cute dog , I myself have a recent addition to the family that is called Tina a bulldog of 7 months . What I find fascinating about all this is … . . the dog has a daycarecenter ! That is unheard here in Spain . That dog has better care as a youngster than I did . I 'm actually jealous . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 17 , 2016 at 2 : 34 pm Oh what we do for our pets here … ! Thank you for reading ! Yay for you and Tina ! There is something so wonderful about having a dog . Reply charlypriest says : November 18 , 2016 at 6 : 09 am She does puts me a smile on the face , although she can be a pain in the but quite a lot of times . Specially when she starts eating walls , chairs , sofas , socks , the list goes on . What a stomach this dog has , it 's bullet proof .
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Knowing nothing about blogs or blogging , I had a * great * idea this morning to start my own and write all about my dog . I considered writing a book … but would there be enough to say and would anyone care ? At least this way , I can get it all out in writing , look at what I 've got and see where it goes . We ( my husband and I ) brought home a 7 . 5 week Rottweiler puppy on January 17 , 2014 . We named her Liezel ( sounds like diesel ) , I 'll spare you the long AKC registered name . I was apprehensive because we had just gone though a painful year and a half of caring for a very sick Rottweiler , Zelda . We put her down just before her second birthday in September , 2013 , and it was heartbreaking . Zelda was my first dog , I loved her more than I knew was possible . Getting a new puppy was scary ( what if she 's sick ) and exciting ( puppies are fun and cute ) . My intention for getting a dog was not only companionship but also to compete in dog sports ( obedience , agility ) , ultimately Schutzhund . We were supposed to start puppy classes right away , but Liezel not having her 12 - week shots , I postponed classes until the " next semester " for fear she would get sick . From 8 weeks to 11 weeks , Liezel stayed home . I took a week off of work , my husband took a week off , and my retired parents stayed with her for a week during the day while we worked . Aside from hating the crate she seemed like a perfectly content pup . The neighbors came over to meet her and when she met their Rottweiler , she was in Heaven ! She took to him like he was her best friend . I wondered if she thought " Wow ! Something like me - just bigger . " I remember commenting that the neighbor 's dog looked at me with an expression of " get this mosquito away from me ! " She loved when he came over . During the 8 - to 12 - week age we had major snowfall in Michigan . We had to dig tracks in the yard for Liezel to go potty since the snow was deeper than she was tall . It was very cold and with the snow and salt we did not take her for walks . However , she went to the pet store ( I carried her ) , the vet , and my parents house for small amounts of exposure . I know , I know " 8 - to 12 - weeks is a critical time for socialization ! " My thought process was I would rather delay socialization a few weeks than take the chance of having another sick dog . At eleven weeks , Liezel started daycare . She couldn 't be with the other puppies yet because she still had a week to go for shots , but she was in the office with the employees - and out of the house . The daycare workers pointed out that she really hated being crated ( yep , we know ) . At home or daycare , while crated she would howl and cry to the point of peeing and / or pooping herself . Never was the crate used for punishment . The purpose of crating her was to create her own private space . The idea being she can go to her crate knowing that when there no one will bother her . It 's her " safe place . " In the meantime , until she realized it was her safe - place she would be crated for naps and at night . It got to the point during what should have been nap time ( she 's fallen asleep somewhere and we pick her up and put her in the crate ) she would just cry , scream and howl . I actually called the breeder and ask " what should we do ? ! " Some dogs don 't take to a crate so the advice was to just let her sleep wherever she laid down . She would still have to be crated at night since she wasn 't fully potty trained . I slept on the floor next to her for four weeks , slowly increasing the distance from her until I could get in to bed . Back to daycare , at 13 weeks she started playing with the other dogs ( shots at 12 weeks , then a week to recover ) . She played with the other puppies and came home worn out . For one hour during the day all the dogs are kenneled ( inside ) for a lunch break . Liezel was still getting three meals a day so this was her lunch and nap break . Being in the kennel alone was as bad as being crated . She would pee / poop herself and cry and howl . One day they had to bathe her because she was in such a tither she got poop all over herself . This was causing me to have some anxiety . I have a happy , healthy puppy who does not like to be crated . I start wondering ' how am I ever going to leave the house ? , ' ' how are we ever going to leave her alone ? , ' ' what have I gotten us into ? ' I talked to the trainer once we started puppy classes and she had some tips . 1 ) never let her out of the crate when she 's crying - doing so will teach her that crying gets her released . Um , she cries the whole time she 's in it . 2 ) hit a wall just outside the room where the crate is . It will get her attention and she will stop to listen . At that moment of silence go get her . 3 ) never tell her " good girl " when she 's coming out of the crate - doing so will teach her getting out is the reward . 4 ) do not show excitement when letting her out . Open the door and walk away . Getting out is not fun / exciting ; going in should be . So over the course of the next couple of months we worked on this . The living room crate for naps was removed and the bedroom crate for nighttime was moved from the foot of the bed to my side . The move would allow her to see down the hallway when she was crated when we went out . Here I should interject that " going out " meant running to the grocery store , maybe going out to dinner , or stopping by my parents ( they live two miles away ) . This wasn 't out to dinner , drinks , and a movie - or even an extended family get - together . We were gone an hour or less . When we got home the crate would be covered in drool and she would be panting . Separation anxiety ? Just complete fear of the crate ? What is the problem , here ? At five months old we stopped using the crate all together . She was locked in our bedroom by a baby gate when we went out and this was a much better solution . She was calmer and we found ( via recording ) that she would curl up on the bed and sleep while we were gone . No drooling , panting , or pacing . She also started sleeping with us at night . It seemed a better option than the nighttime crying , panting , drooling , etc . She jumped into bed , curled up , and that was that . We continued with classes . Puppy class was a great success ! She knew sit , down , shake , watch , and touch before class even started ( remember those several weeks she stayed home ? We were teaching her some stuff . ) so she was kinda the star student [ proud smile ] . By the time we got to intermediate / advanced obedience we noticed some undesirable behaviors . Also around this time , the weather had gotten better and we started taking walks where we also observed undesirable behavior . At class she began barking and attempting to run toward ( on leash ) other people . On a walk , once we got about two houses away , she would turn around pulling toward home . Her happy disposition changed to a vigilant , nervous one . If anyone came out and asked to pet her , she would shrink back and avoid being touched . When she was about 6 months old we were on a walk in the neighborhood . Approaching a driveway partially blocked by a Jeep , two remote control cars came toward us . Liezel barked and lunged at them . The cars were being run by two little boys and the adult started screaming , " Get that dog off of my property before I get my f - ing gun and shoot it . " Hmm . This seemed over - the - top . My then 6 - month old puppy , was startled by the things coming at her , and she reacted . The guy went crazy ! I pointed out to him that I was on city property and I had every right to be there . Well his threats continued so I called the police . He too called the police and was yelling " It 's a Rottweiler ! A ROTTWEILER ! " While on the phone with the police his wife approached me saying " Please , just leave . Please . " Another man in his group approached me saying , " Get out of here you bitch ! " The whole thing escalated very quickly and it really shook me and Liezel up . After this episode I became very nervous about walking Liezel . If you know anything about dogs , you know they feed off their owners ' feelings . So I 'm feeding her nervousness and anxiety by being nervous and anxious . Round and round it went . Around this time a few other things happened . We took a day trip to see the breeder and let her see Liezel . When Deb tried to pet Liezel 's head , Liezel back away . Deb asked me " You haven 't hit her have you ? " Nope . We went camping one weekend and Liezel was so frantic and worried she barked the entire time and got to the point of vomiting from nervousness . We actually took her for a car ride hoping 1 ) to calm her down and 2 ) let the other campers have some peace and quiet . She started barking and lunging at all strangers - going into and out of daycare , at agility class , on a walk , etc . All strangers . And she would freak out at the sound of any car door outside , the doorbell ( real or on TV ) , or the neighbors she could see in their house from the backyard . When I say " freaking out " she would jump up , front paws on the front door , scratching , barking , spit flying , hackles up . Most times there was nothing there . Then it would take an hour or more for her to calm down . I spoke with the trainer about all of this . She did not seem very concerned and gave the impression that Liezel could outgrow it . This was insufficient for me . I needed an action plan . We also had a guy out to our house who represented a company that used e - collars . The company came recommended to us by a family member . His presentation and explanation was really off - putting . We didn 't understand the concept and wondered how could we expect Liezel to understand if we didn 't . Additionally , he said " The dog will have to wear a muzzle in order for me to work with her . " I 'm not opposed to using a muzzle , but he made no attempt to interact with Liezel . His idea was put a muzzle on her and an e - collar and get started . Neither my husband nor I got a good feeling about this so the idea was quickly discarded . The third trainer , Lynn , taught me about thresholds . Not letting Liezel get to the point of reacting because once she was over threshold she was unable to learn . I guess it would be like trying to learn a new skill while being chased by a bear ? When something scary is happening to you , you are not in a learning frame of mind . Week after week for several months , Lynn came to our house and worked on keeping Liezel under threshold . Here 's how it started . Liezel was in the bedroom when Lynn arrived . She sat at the kitchen table while I went to get Liezel . Liezel and I came out of the bedroom one step at a time . When Liezel saw Lynn , I was to say " Good girl " give her a treat , and retreat to the bedroom . Her reward for looking and not reacting was getting to leave the scary thing / person . After weeks of this , we moved outside . Lynn would be across the street and I would walk Liezel . When Liezel looked at Lynn she was praised and treated . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the lesson was over . Lynn also gave me instructions on a dog training process that taught the dog to stay on a mat / bed / blanket while things went on around it . So day one you tell the dog " go to your mat " and treat her when she gets on it [ Liezel already knew " go to your bed " so this was not difficult to teach ] . Take one step away from the mat and come back with " good girl " and a treat . This goes on and on for weeks with progressively more difficult things like running around the dog / mat , leaving the room , opening the front door , and ringing the doorbell . When you get through the whole thing , you start all over again in a different room . We went through all of the weeks ( it took twice as long as the plan because you can 't move on to the next day if the dog gets off the mat today ) and then started the whole thing over in the backyard . Also during this time , we hired a stranger to do stranger approaches . I found a local pet walker and paid her to sit at one end of the parking lot of an empty factory building , while we , 500 feet away , tried to approach and stay under threshold . The instructions from Lynn on this exercise was to come out from behind the building and wait for Liezel to see the stranger . Once she did , " good girl " and retreat . Do it again and try to get a foot closer . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the training was over for the day . After a few months we could get about 450 feet away before Liezel reacted . I stopped taking her to agility with our original trainer . Liezel seemed to really like running the agility course , but on the sideline she would panic over the other people and dogs . It came to a point where I decided the fun of the course did not outweigh the stress of the sidelines . We talked with our vet about this , all of this . She had blood sent out to test for thyroid issues and the results came back normal . It was time to try medication . Our vet could not prescribe Prozac so we went to a recommended veterinary behaviorist who did . She put Liezel on 30mg / day . The intention of medication was to calm Liezel enough so we could continue working on training under threshold . We were becoming a bit reclusive . An entire summer went by and we never took our camper out of storage . I was avoiding any talk of vacation because I didn 't know what we would do with her . When she was 14 months old we did go on vacation and left her with our original trainer . I checked in with the trainer everyday but got vague responses . Come to find out , Liezel just paced the whole time we were gone . During said summer when we didn 't camp , I came across a trainer that I had emailed months before but never heard back from . He was a police dog trainer so I assumed my issues with Liezel probably weren 't what he was looking to work with . He had a booth set up at a city festival advertising dog training , specifically aggression . I found my original email to him , forwarded it with a note saying " Hey , just saw you at the festival . Please see my email below from several months ago and let me know if you can help . " Simply , Z says : June 18 , 2016 at 10 : 35 am Interesting thoughts . We had a puppy too but sadly parted with her because of allergies . We found a nice home for her . I could relate to your puppy " hating " her crate . I will definitely refer to your blog when we get a second chance . Keep writing . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 18 , 2016 at 11 : 40 am Thank you ! It 's been hard having a fearful dog but also very rewarding ! I hope my lessons can help some one else . Reply Tim Taylor says : June 19 , 2016 at 9 : 14 am I 've read all your posts and I have to say they are extremely interesting . My favorite breed is a Doberman , next is German Shepard and then Rottweilers . I hate little yappin ' dogs with a passion . I absolutely love Wolves and I almost got one once upon a time . For me , that would have been a dream come true . Keep writin ' , ' cause now I wanna know how Liezel progresses ! I , too , have a pooch who doesn 't like the crate idea . She does the same panting , drooling thing , plus licks her front legs into sopping appendages ! I went for the baby gate idea , as well , because it didn 't make any sense to continue to upset her so badly with the crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 24 , 2016 at 5 : 56 pm Thank you ! And thank you for following me . Liezel has been trying , but when I look into her little brown almond eyes , I know she was meant for me and me for her . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply jay1991katira says : June 28 , 2016 at 1 : 33 am Nice one , You gave me nice snaps of pet . I love dogs . thank you Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 7 , 2016 at 8 : 17 am I love dogs , too ! They 're loyal and loving . I 'm glad you like the pictures ! Reply frankprem says : July 1 , 2016 at 6 : 47 pm Gorgeous looking dog . Best luck with raising her , and much enjoyment . Cheers , Frank Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 18 , 2016 at 2 : 26 pm Thanks , Laura . I need to commit some time to writing . We 've had a house guest for two weeks and she 's exhausting ! Reply Vaibhav says : July 26 , 2016 at 6 : 26 am Hi again , thanks for stopping by . I read this post and have to say this - I 'm not a dog person at all , bit scared actually and love cats . However , Liezel looks so adorable . A missed vacation sounds terrible but am sure this phase will pass . Great blog title - it will go places . Have a nice day . Reply txhomegirl says : July 27 , 2016 at 5 : 00 pm Good blog ! I have to know what happened . I love Rotts . I 've owned two males and now own a female . She is much more skittish than my males were . Reply hadleylovesgus says : August 9 , 2016 at 12 : 36 pm I feel your pain ! We have our little yorkie , Gus , who suffers from fear of strangers as well . We are in the process of working with him now too . Thank you for writing ! I am hopeful to do a similar documentation of our journey as its been a great help to hear of other stories of people like us who are working hard to help a pup in this type of situation . Thank you ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 9 , 2016 at 5 : 42 pm I 'm so happy to be able to share this experience with you ! The anxiety and constant stress of Liezel 's fear has been tiresome . Every little accomplishment is celebrated because we 're that much closer to her being comfortable . Thank you for reading . I look forward to hearing more about Gus . LikeLike Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 10 am What a captivating story . Hats off to you for sticking with Liezel . She is truly lucky to have found you guys . We 're having some issues with our Bella ( nothing as severe as this ) and reading this makes me believe there might be hope yet 🙂 Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 14 am Hi Diya . Thanks for reading about Liezel ! Yes , there is hope ! With a good trainer and a lot of patience , improvement can be made . What is Bella doing ? Is she fearful ? Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 22 am Yes she is . Goes on full alert , growls and barks persistently when someone dares to pass by our front door . Thankfully she doesn 't lunge at anyone and sometimes I think she barks more out of fear than possessiveness of her territory . Part of it may just be us reading the signs wrong . We are first time dog owners and are only fostering her for a few weeks . She seems okay at times and just when we think she has finally acclimatized she starts up again . But she 's a sweetheart and we will be sorry to see her go . owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 2 : 54 pm I wish that just once in a while they could talk . All the best with Bella ! LikeLike Vernon says : August 27 , 2016 at 5 : 11 am Hi I 'm a passionate Rottweiler owner . I understand your lost with Zelda . When I lost my first Rott name BAR I said I would never own another dog . It took me years to get over him . Today we have our third one name Sebastian . It was my wife first time ever owning a dog . He had anxiety and tried to run our home when we first got him . I never had a crate with my first two dogs so when Nicole said he have to stay in one until we get him trained from chewing everything I wasn 't sure about it . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 27 , 2016 at 8 : 00 am Hi Vernon ! Your comment made me smile first thing this morning ! Yes , Rottweilers have special personalities . I 'm sorry for your loss of BAR . It is so very painful . Congratulations on opening your heart and home to other dogs - they really do make home a better place . For your wife , a first time male Rottweiler is a brave place to start ! According to the breeder we used , the males goes through an ownership phase where they test you to see what they can get away with . Sure , female go through terrible twos , but I guess it doesn 't compare . You mention the nervousness and insecurities - you are spot on with that ! Liezel picks up my emotions in a frighteningly accurate way . If I 'm even feeling a little off , she starts acting nervous . Maybe that 's proof that she was meant to be mine : ) . I really think that most ( if not all ) Rottweilers are big babies ! ! Liezel 's whole issue is fear , she is afraid of strangers . But the people she knows … she will do anything you tell her for a treat , she wants to lick your face and get her belly rubbed . I 'm happy that your wife loves dogs now . Shelby sounds cute - for a little dog - hahaha ! I 'm more of a big dog kinda gal . Ecohug says : September 14 , 2016 at 11 : 35 am Great post , I really enjoyed reading it and wanted to tell you that you are a great dog mom for sticking it out and really working on helping Liezel . I wanted to ask if you tried anything more natural to relieve anxiety , like herbs that are designed to relax the dog ? We had something similar ( not as bad as yours ) with our dog , Maddie , when we brought her home and giving her some herbs really helped her be calm especially in her crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : September 14 , 2016 at 12 : 55 pm Hi ! Thank you for reading about Liezel ! Yes , she gets two Chinese herbs : Shen Calmer and Chai Hu Shu Gan . Both are from our vet . We noticed HUGE improvements once we started the herbs . At one point last winter I took her off of them since she was doing pretty good and we noticed regression in her reactivity . The vet recommended putting her back on them , and again , they brought her back to a calmer , less reactive dog . Reply 200 Saturdays until Paris says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 26 pm I love what a patient and kind person you have been with your baby . I know it has been hard , but I am so happy you didn 't give up . ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 38 pm Thank you ! She she is wonderful in many , many ways . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 20 , 2016 at 5 : 14 am I 'm exhausted reading what you have been through . Also if you need to have break , Liezel should be in good hands with the breeder . I look forward to reading if it gets better for you . Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 21 , 2016 at 5 : 02 am Yes it was long , but it was very thoroughly written . I was hoping desperately that peace and harmony would reign for you , but I had to wait until now to find out . But I am very glad it has gotten better for you . Good on your parents . John Chon says : November 14 , 2016 at 7 : 06 pm Your dog is so cute ! I really liked how thorough you were in this post . I can tell that you love your dog very much . It 's so great to see loving and responsible dog owners out there 🙂 Keep up the great work ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 15 , 2016 at 4 : 43 am Hi John ! Thank you ! We think she 's pretty cute , too . I 'm very glad you enjoyed reading about Liezel . She is doing so much better . LikeLiked by 1 person charlypriest says : November 17 , 2016 at 12 : 58 pm Cute dog , I myself have a recent addition to the family that is called Tina a bulldog of 7 months . What I find fascinating about all this is … . . the dog has a daycarecenter ! That is unheard here in Spain . That dog has better care as a youngster than I did . I 'm actually jealous . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 17 , 2016 at 2 : 34 pm Oh what we do for our pets here … ! Thank you for reading ! Yay for you and Tina ! There is something so wonderful about having a dog . Reply charlypriest says : November 18 , 2016 at 6 : 09 am She does puts me a smile on the face , although she can be a pain in the but quite a lot of times . Specially when she starts eating walls , chairs , sofas , socks , the list goes on . What a stomach this dog has , it 's bullet proof .
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Knowing nothing about blogs or blogging , I had a * great * idea this morning to start my own and write all about my dog . I considered writing a book … but would there be enough to say and would anyone care ? At least this way , I can get it all out in writing , look at what I 've got and see where it goes . We ( my husband and I ) brought home a 7 . 5 week Rottweiler puppy on January 17 , 2014 . We named her Liezel ( sounds like diesel ) , I 'll spare you the long AKC registered name . I was apprehensive because we had just gone though a painful year and a half of caring for a very sick Rottweiler , Zelda . We put her down just before her second birthday in September , 2013 , and it was heartbreaking . Zelda was my first dog , I loved her more than I knew was possible . Getting a new puppy was scary ( what if she 's sick ) and exciting ( puppies are fun and cute ) . My intention for getting a dog was not only companionship but also to compete in dog sports ( obedience , agility ) , ultimately Schutzhund . We were supposed to start puppy classes right away , but Liezel not having her 12 - week shots , I postponed classes until the " next semester " for fear she would get sick . From 8 weeks to 11 weeks , Liezel stayed home . I took a week off of work , my husband took a week off , and my retired parents stayed with her for a week during the day while we worked . Aside from hating the crate she seemed like a perfectly content pup . The neighbors came over to meet her and when she met their Rottweiler , she was in Heaven ! She took to him like he was her best friend . I wondered if she thought " Wow ! Something like me - just bigger . " I remember commenting that the neighbor 's dog looked at me with an expression of " get this mosquito away from me ! " She loved when he came over . During the 8 - to 12 - week age we had major snowfall in Michigan . We had to dig tracks in the yard for Liezel to go potty since the snow was deeper than she was tall . It was very cold and with the snow and salt we did not take her for walks . However , she went to the pet store ( I carried her ) , the vet , and my parents house for small amounts of exposure . I know , I know " 8 - to 12 - weeks is a critical time for socialization ! " My thought process was I would rather delay socialization a few weeks than take the chance of having another sick dog . At eleven weeks , Liezel started daycare . She couldn 't be with the other puppies yet because she still had a week to go for shots , but she was in the office with the employees - and out of the house . The daycare workers pointed out that she really hated being crated ( yep , we know ) . At home or daycare , while crated she would howl and cry to the point of peeing and / or pooping herself . Never was the crate used for punishment . The purpose of crating her was to create her own private space . The idea being she can go to her crate knowing that when there no one will bother her . It 's her " safe place . " In the meantime , until she realized it was her safe - place she would be crated for naps and at night . It got to the point during what should have been nap time ( she 's fallen asleep somewhere and we pick her up and put her in the crate ) she would just cry , scream and howl . I actually called the breeder and ask " what should we do ? ! " Some dogs don 't take to a crate so the advice was to just let her sleep wherever she laid down . She would still have to be crated at night since she wasn 't fully potty trained . I slept on the floor next to her for four weeks , slowly increasing the distance from her until I could get in to bed . Back to daycare , at 13 weeks she started playing with the other dogs ( shots at 12 weeks , then a week to recover ) . She played with the other puppies and came home worn out . For one hour during the day all the dogs are kenneled ( inside ) for a lunch break . Liezel was still getting three meals a day so this was her lunch and nap break . Being in the kennel alone was as bad as being crated . She would pee / poop herself and cry and howl . One day they had to bathe her because she was in such a tither she got poop all over herself . This was causing me to have some anxiety . I have a happy , healthy puppy who does not like to be crated . I start wondering ' how am I ever going to leave the house ? , ' ' how are we ever going to leave her alone ? , ' ' what have I gotten us into ? ' I talked to the trainer once we started puppy classes and she had some tips . 1 ) never let her out of the crate when she 's crying - doing so will teach her that crying gets her released . Um , she cries the whole time she 's in it . 2 ) hit a wall just outside the room where the crate is . It will get her attention and she will stop to listen . At that moment of silence go get her . 3 ) never tell her " good girl " when she 's coming out of the crate - doing so will teach her getting out is the reward . 4 ) do not show excitement when letting her out . Open the door and walk away . Getting out is not fun / exciting ; going in should be . So over the course of the next couple of months we worked on this . The living room crate for naps was removed and the bedroom crate for nighttime was moved from the foot of the bed to my side . The move would allow her to see down the hallway when she was crated when we went out . Here I should interject that " going out " meant running to the grocery store , maybe going out to dinner , or stopping by my parents ( they live two miles away ) . This wasn 't out to dinner , drinks , and a movie - or even an extended family get - together . We were gone an hour or less . When we got home the crate would be covered in drool and she would be panting . Separation anxiety ? Just complete fear of the crate ? What is the problem , here ? At five months old we stopped using the crate all together . She was locked in our bedroom by a baby gate when we went out and this was a much better solution . She was calmer and we found ( via recording ) that she would curl up on the bed and sleep while we were gone . No drooling , panting , or pacing . She also started sleeping with us at night . It seemed a better option than the nighttime crying , panting , drooling , etc . She jumped into bed , curled up , and that was that . We continued with classes . Puppy class was a great success ! She knew sit , down , shake , watch , and touch before class even started ( remember those several weeks she stayed home ? We were teaching her some stuff . ) so she was kinda the star student [ proud smile ] . By the time we got to intermediate / advanced obedience we noticed some undesirable behaviors . Also around this time , the weather had gotten better and we started taking walks where we also observed undesirable behavior . At class she began barking and attempting to run toward ( on leash ) other people . On a walk , once we got about two houses away , she would turn around pulling toward home . Her happy disposition changed to a vigilant , nervous one . If anyone came out and asked to pet her , she would shrink back and avoid being touched . When she was about 6 months old we were on a walk in the neighborhood . Approaching a driveway partially blocked by a Jeep , two remote control cars came toward us . Liezel barked and lunged at them . The cars were being run by two little boys and the adult started screaming , " Get that dog off of my property before I get my f - ing gun and shoot it . " Hmm . This seemed over - the - top . My then 6 - month old puppy , was startled by the things coming at her , and she reacted . The guy went crazy ! I pointed out to him that I was on city property and I had every right to be there . Well his threats continued so I called the police . He too called the police and was yelling " It 's a Rottweiler ! A ROTTWEILER ! " While on the phone with the police his wife approached me saying " Please , just leave . Please . " Another man in his group approached me saying , " Get out of here you bitch ! " The whole thing escalated very quickly and it really shook me and Liezel up . After this episode I became very nervous about walking Liezel . If you know anything about dogs , you know they feed off their owners ' feelings . So I 'm feeding her nervousness and anxiety by being nervous and anxious . Round and round it went . Around this time a few other things happened . We took a day trip to see the breeder and let her see Liezel . When Deb tried to pet Liezel 's head , Liezel back away . Deb asked me " You haven 't hit her have you ? " Nope . We went camping one weekend and Liezel was so frantic and worried she barked the entire time and got to the point of vomiting from nervousness . We actually took her for a car ride hoping 1 ) to calm her down and 2 ) let the other campers have some peace and quiet . She started barking and lunging at all strangers - going into and out of daycare , at agility class , on a walk , etc . All strangers . And she would freak out at the sound of any car door outside , the doorbell ( real or on TV ) , or the neighbors she could see in their house from the backyard . When I say " freaking out " she would jump up , front paws on the front door , scratching , barking , spit flying , hackles up . Most times there was nothing there . Then it would take an hour or more for her to calm down . I spoke with the trainer about all of this . She did not seem very concerned and gave the impression that Liezel could outgrow it . This was insufficient for me . I needed an action plan . We also had a guy out to our house who represented a company that used e - collars . The company came recommended to us by a family member . His presentation and explanation was really off - putting . We didn 't understand the concept and wondered how could we expect Liezel to understand if we didn 't . Additionally , he said " The dog will have to wear a muzzle in order for me to work with her . " I 'm not opposed to using a muzzle , but he made no attempt to interact with Liezel . His idea was put a muzzle on her and an e - collar and get started . Neither my husband nor I got a good feeling about this so the idea was quickly discarded . The third trainer , Lynn , taught me about thresholds . Not letting Liezel get to the point of reacting because once she was over threshold she was unable to learn . I guess it would be like trying to learn a new skill while being chased by a bear ? When something scary is happening to you , you are not in a learning frame of mind . Week after week for several months , Lynn came to our house and worked on keeping Liezel under threshold . Here 's how it started . Liezel was in the bedroom when Lynn arrived . She sat at the kitchen table while I went to get Liezel . Liezel and I came out of the bedroom one step at a time . When Liezel saw Lynn , I was to say " Good girl " give her a treat , and retreat to the bedroom . Her reward for looking and not reacting was getting to leave the scary thing / person . After weeks of this , we moved outside . Lynn would be across the street and I would walk Liezel . When Liezel looked at Lynn she was praised and treated . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the lesson was over . Lynn also gave me instructions on a dog training process that taught the dog to stay on a mat / bed / blanket while things went on around it . So day one you tell the dog " go to your mat " and treat her when she gets on it [ Liezel already knew " go to your bed " so this was not difficult to teach ] . Take one step away from the mat and come back with " good girl " and a treat . This goes on and on for weeks with progressively more difficult things like running around the dog / mat , leaving the room , opening the front door , and ringing the doorbell . When you get through the whole thing , you start all over again in a different room . We went through all of the weeks ( it took twice as long as the plan because you can 't move on to the next day if the dog gets off the mat today ) and then started the whole thing over in the backyard . Also during this time , we hired a stranger to do stranger approaches . I found a local pet walker and paid her to sit at one end of the parking lot of an empty factory building , while we , 500 feet away , tried to approach and stay under threshold . The instructions from Lynn on this exercise was to come out from behind the building and wait for Liezel to see the stranger . Once she did , " good girl " and retreat . Do it again and try to get a foot closer . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the training was over for the day . After a few months we could get about 450 feet away before Liezel reacted . I stopped taking her to agility with our original trainer . Liezel seemed to really like running the agility course , but on the sideline she would panic over the other people and dogs . It came to a point where I decided the fun of the course did not outweigh the stress of the sidelines . We talked with our vet about this , all of this . She had blood sent out to test for thyroid issues and the results came back normal . It was time to try medication . Our vet could not prescribe Prozac so we went to a recommended veterinary behaviorist who did . She put Liezel on 30mg / day . The intention of medication was to calm Liezel enough so we could continue working on training under threshold . We were becoming a bit reclusive . An entire summer went by and we never took our camper out of storage . I was avoiding any talk of vacation because I didn 't know what we would do with her . When she was 14 months old we did go on vacation and left her with our original trainer . I checked in with the trainer everyday but got vague responses . Come to find out , Liezel just paced the whole time we were gone . During said summer when we didn 't camp , I came across a trainer that I had emailed months before but never heard back from . He was a police dog trainer so I assumed my issues with Liezel probably weren 't what he was looking to work with . He had a booth set up at a city festival advertising dog training , specifically aggression . I found my original email to him , forwarded it with a note saying " Hey , just saw you at the festival . Please see my email below from several months ago and let me know if you can help . " Simply , Z says : June 18 , 2016 at 10 : 35 am Interesting thoughts . We had a puppy too but sadly parted with her because of allergies . We found a nice home for her . I could relate to your puppy " hating " her crate . I will definitely refer to your blog when we get a second chance . Keep writing . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 18 , 2016 at 11 : 40 am Thank you ! It 's been hard having a fearful dog but also very rewarding ! I hope my lessons can help some one else . Reply Tim Taylor says : June 19 , 2016 at 9 : 14 am I 've read all your posts and I have to say they are extremely interesting . My favorite breed is a Doberman , next is German Shepard and then Rottweilers . I hate little yappin ' dogs with a passion . I absolutely love Wolves and I almost got one once upon a time . For me , that would have been a dream come true . Keep writin ' , ' cause now I wanna know how Liezel progresses ! I , too , have a pooch who doesn 't like the crate idea . She does the same panting , drooling thing , plus licks her front legs into sopping appendages ! I went for the baby gate idea , as well , because it didn 't make any sense to continue to upset her so badly with the crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 24 , 2016 at 5 : 56 pm Thank you ! And thank you for following me . Liezel has been trying , but when I look into her little brown almond eyes , I know she was meant for me and me for her . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply jay1991katira says : June 28 , 2016 at 1 : 33 am Nice one , You gave me nice snaps of pet . I love dogs . thank you Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 7 , 2016 at 8 : 17 am I love dogs , too ! They 're loyal and loving . I 'm glad you like the pictures ! Reply frankprem says : July 1 , 2016 at 6 : 47 pm Gorgeous looking dog . Best luck with raising her , and much enjoyment . Cheers , Frank Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 18 , 2016 at 2 : 26 pm Thanks , Laura . I need to commit some time to writing . We 've had a house guest for two weeks and she 's exhausting ! Reply Vaibhav says : July 26 , 2016 at 6 : 26 am Hi again , thanks for stopping by . I read this post and have to say this - I 'm not a dog person at all , bit scared actually and love cats . However , Liezel looks so adorable . A missed vacation sounds terrible but am sure this phase will pass . Great blog title - it will go places . Have a nice day . Reply txhomegirl says : July 27 , 2016 at 5 : 00 pm Good blog ! I have to know what happened . I love Rotts . I 've owned two males and now own a female . She is much more skittish than my males were . Reply hadleylovesgus says : August 9 , 2016 at 12 : 36 pm I feel your pain ! We have our little yorkie , Gus , who suffers from fear of strangers as well . We are in the process of working with him now too . Thank you for writing ! I am hopeful to do a similar documentation of our journey as its been a great help to hear of other stories of people like us who are working hard to help a pup in this type of situation . Thank you ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 9 , 2016 at 5 : 42 pm I 'm so happy to be able to share this experience with you ! The anxiety and constant stress of Liezel 's fear has been tiresome . Every little accomplishment is celebrated because we 're that much closer to her being comfortable . Thank you for reading . I look forward to hearing more about Gus . LikeLike Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 10 am What a captivating story . Hats off to you for sticking with Liezel . She is truly lucky to have found you guys . We 're having some issues with our Bella ( nothing as severe as this ) and reading this makes me believe there might be hope yet 🙂 Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 14 am Hi Diya . Thanks for reading about Liezel ! Yes , there is hope ! With a good trainer and a lot of patience , improvement can be made . What is Bella doing ? Is she fearful ? Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 22 am Yes she is . Goes on full alert , growls and barks persistently when someone dares to pass by our front door . Thankfully she doesn 't lunge at anyone and sometimes I think she barks more out of fear than possessiveness of her territory . Part of it may just be us reading the signs wrong . We are first time dog owners and are only fostering her for a few weeks . She seems okay at times and just when we think she has finally acclimatized she starts up again . But she 's a sweetheart and we will be sorry to see her go . owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 2 : 54 pm I wish that just once in a while they could talk . All the best with Bella ! LikeLike Vernon says : August 27 , 2016 at 5 : 11 am Hi I 'm a passionate Rottweiler owner . I understand your lost with Zelda . When I lost my first Rott name BAR I said I would never own another dog . It took me years to get over him . Today we have our third one name Sebastian . It was my wife first time ever owning a dog . He had anxiety and tried to run our home when we first got him . I never had a crate with my first two dogs so when Nicole said he have to stay in one until we get him trained from chewing everything I wasn 't sure about it . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 27 , 2016 at 8 : 00 am Hi Vernon ! Your comment made me smile first thing this morning ! Yes , Rottweilers have special personalities . I 'm sorry for your loss of BAR . It is so very painful . Congratulations on opening your heart and home to other dogs - they really do make home a better place . For your wife , a first time male Rottweiler is a brave place to start ! According to the breeder we used , the males goes through an ownership phase where they test you to see what they can get away with . Sure , female go through terrible twos , but I guess it doesn 't compare . You mention the nervousness and insecurities - you are spot on with that ! Liezel picks up my emotions in a frighteningly accurate way . If I 'm even feeling a little off , she starts acting nervous . Maybe that 's proof that she was meant to be mine : ) . I really think that most ( if not all ) Rottweilers are big babies ! ! Liezel 's whole issue is fear , she is afraid of strangers . But the people she knows … she will do anything you tell her for a treat , she wants to lick your face and get her belly rubbed . I 'm happy that your wife loves dogs now . Shelby sounds cute - for a little dog - hahaha ! I 'm more of a big dog kinda gal . Ecohug says : September 14 , 2016 at 11 : 35 am Great post , I really enjoyed reading it and wanted to tell you that you are a great dog mom for sticking it out and really working on helping Liezel . I wanted to ask if you tried anything more natural to relieve anxiety , like herbs that are designed to relax the dog ? We had something similar ( not as bad as yours ) with our dog , Maddie , when we brought her home and giving her some herbs really helped her be calm especially in her crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : September 14 , 2016 at 12 : 55 pm Hi ! Thank you for reading about Liezel ! Yes , she gets two Chinese herbs : Shen Calmer and Chai Hu Shu Gan . Both are from our vet . We noticed HUGE improvements once we started the herbs . At one point last winter I took her off of them since she was doing pretty good and we noticed regression in her reactivity . The vet recommended putting her back on them , and again , they brought her back to a calmer , less reactive dog . Reply 200 Saturdays until Paris says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 26 pm I love what a patient and kind person you have been with your baby . I know it has been hard , but I am so happy you didn 't give up . ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 38 pm Thank you ! She she is wonderful in many , many ways . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 20 , 2016 at 5 : 14 am I 'm exhausted reading what you have been through . Also if you need to have break , Liezel should be in good hands with the breeder . I look forward to reading if it gets better for you . Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 21 , 2016 at 5 : 02 am Yes it was long , but it was very thoroughly written . I was hoping desperately that peace and harmony would reign for you , but I had to wait until now to find out . But I am very glad it has gotten better for you . Good on your parents . John Chon says : November 14 , 2016 at 7 : 06 pm Your dog is so cute ! I really liked how thorough you were in this post . I can tell that you love your dog very much . It 's so great to see loving and responsible dog owners out there 🙂 Keep up the great work ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 15 , 2016 at 4 : 43 am Hi John ! Thank you ! We think she 's pretty cute , too . I 'm very glad you enjoyed reading about Liezel . She is doing so much better . LikeLiked by 1 person charlypriest says : November 17 , 2016 at 12 : 58 pm Cute dog , I myself have a recent addition to the family that is called Tina a bulldog of 7 months . What I find fascinating about all this is … . . the dog has a daycarecenter ! That is unheard here in Spain . That dog has better care as a youngster than I did . I 'm actually jealous . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 17 , 2016 at 2 : 34 pm Oh what we do for our pets here … ! Thank you for reading ! Yay for you and Tina ! There is something so wonderful about having a dog . Reply charlypriest says : November 18 , 2016 at 6 : 09 am She does puts me a smile on the face , although she can be a pain in the but quite a lot of times . Specially when she starts eating walls , chairs , sofas , socks , the list goes on . What a stomach this dog has , it 's bullet proof .
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Knowing nothing about blogs or blogging , I had a * great * idea this morning to start my own and write all about my dog . I considered writing a book … but would there be enough to say and would anyone care ? At least this way , I can get it all out in writing , look at what I 've got and see where it goes . We ( my husband and I ) brought home a 7 . 5 week Rottweiler puppy on January 17 , 2014 . We named her Liezel ( sounds like diesel ) , I 'll spare you the long AKC registered name . I was apprehensive because we had just gone though a painful year and a half of caring for a very sick Rottweiler , Zelda . We put her down just before her second birthday in September , 2013 , and it was heartbreaking . Zelda was my first dog , I loved her more than I knew was possible . Getting a new puppy was scary ( what if she 's sick ) and exciting ( puppies are fun and cute ) . My intention for getting a dog was not only companionship but also to compete in dog sports ( obedience , agility ) , ultimately Schutzhund . We were supposed to start puppy classes right away , but Liezel not having her 12 - week shots , I postponed classes until the " next semester " for fear she would get sick . From 8 weeks to 11 weeks , Liezel stayed home . I took a week off of work , my husband took a week off , and my retired parents stayed with her for a week during the day while we worked . Aside from hating the crate she seemed like a perfectly content pup . The neighbors came over to meet her and when she met their Rottweiler , she was in Heaven ! She took to him like he was her best friend . I wondered if she thought " Wow ! Something like me - just bigger . " I remember commenting that the neighbor 's dog looked at me with an expression of " get this mosquito away from me ! " She loved when he came over . During the 8 - to 12 - week age we had major snowfall in Michigan . We had to dig tracks in the yard for Liezel to go potty since the snow was deeper than she was tall . It was very cold and with the snow and salt we did not take her for walks . However , she went to the pet store ( I carried her ) , the vet , and my parents house for small amounts of exposure . I know , I know " 8 - to 12 - weeks is a critical time for socialization ! " My thought process was I would rather delay socialization a few weeks than take the chance of having another sick dog . At eleven weeks , Liezel started daycare . She couldn 't be with the other puppies yet because she still had a week to go for shots , but she was in the office with the employees - and out of the house . The daycare workers pointed out that she really hated being crated ( yep , we know ) . At home or daycare , while crated she would howl and cry to the point of peeing and / or pooping herself . Never was the crate used for punishment . The purpose of crating her was to create her own private space . The idea being she can go to her crate knowing that when there no one will bother her . It 's her " safe place . " In the meantime , until she realized it was her safe - place she would be crated for naps and at night . It got to the point during what should have been nap time ( she 's fallen asleep somewhere and we pick her up and put her in the crate ) she would just cry , scream and howl . I actually called the breeder and ask " what should we do ? ! " Some dogs don 't take to a crate so the advice was to just let her sleep wherever she laid down . She would still have to be crated at night since she wasn 't fully potty trained . I slept on the floor next to her for four weeks , slowly increasing the distance from her until I could get in to bed . Back to daycare , at 13 weeks she started playing with the other dogs ( shots at 12 weeks , then a week to recover ) . She played with the other puppies and came home worn out . For one hour during the day all the dogs are kenneled ( inside ) for a lunch break . Liezel was still getting three meals a day so this was her lunch and nap break . Being in the kennel alone was as bad as being crated . She would pee / poop herself and cry and howl . One day they had to bathe her because she was in such a tither she got poop all over herself . This was causing me to have some anxiety . I have a happy , healthy puppy who does not like to be crated . I start wondering ' how am I ever going to leave the house ? , ' ' how are we ever going to leave her alone ? , ' ' what have I gotten us into ? ' I talked to the trainer once we started puppy classes and she had some tips . 1 ) never let her out of the crate when she 's crying - doing so will teach her that crying gets her released . Um , she cries the whole time she 's in it . 2 ) hit a wall just outside the room where the crate is . It will get her attention and she will stop to listen . At that moment of silence go get her . 3 ) never tell her " good girl " when she 's coming out of the crate - doing so will teach her getting out is the reward . 4 ) do not show excitement when letting her out . Open the door and walk away . Getting out is not fun / exciting ; going in should be . So over the course of the next couple of months we worked on this . The living room crate for naps was removed and the bedroom crate for nighttime was moved from the foot of the bed to my side . The move would allow her to see down the hallway when she was crated when we went out . Here I should interject that " going out " meant running to the grocery store , maybe going out to dinner , or stopping by my parents ( they live two miles away ) . This wasn 't out to dinner , drinks , and a movie - or even an extended family get - together . We were gone an hour or less . When we got home the crate would be covered in drool and she would be panting . Separation anxiety ? Just complete fear of the crate ? What is the problem , here ? At five months old we stopped using the crate all together . She was locked in our bedroom by a baby gate when we went out and this was a much better solution . She was calmer and we found ( via recording ) that she would curl up on the bed and sleep while we were gone . No drooling , panting , or pacing . She also started sleeping with us at night . It seemed a better option than the nighttime crying , panting , drooling , etc . She jumped into bed , curled up , and that was that . We continued with classes . Puppy class was a great success ! She knew sit , down , shake , watch , and touch before class even started ( remember those several weeks she stayed home ? We were teaching her some stuff . ) so she was kinda the star student [ proud smile ] . By the time we got to intermediate / advanced obedience we noticed some undesirable behaviors . Also around this time , the weather had gotten better and we started taking walks where we also observed undesirable behavior . At class she began barking and attempting to run toward ( on leash ) other people . On a walk , once we got about two houses away , she would turn around pulling toward home . Her happy disposition changed to a vigilant , nervous one . If anyone came out and asked to pet her , she would shrink back and avoid being touched . When she was about 6 months old we were on a walk in the neighborhood . Approaching a driveway partially blocked by a Jeep , two remote control cars came toward us . Liezel barked and lunged at them . The cars were being run by two little boys and the adult started screaming , " Get that dog off of my property before I get my f - ing gun and shoot it . " Hmm . This seemed over - the - top . My then 6 - month old puppy , was startled by the things coming at her , and she reacted . The guy went crazy ! I pointed out to him that I was on city property and I had every right to be there . Well his threats continued so I called the police . He too called the police and was yelling " It 's a Rottweiler ! A ROTTWEILER ! " While on the phone with the police his wife approached me saying " Please , just leave . Please . " Another man in his group approached me saying , " Get out of here you bitch ! " The whole thing escalated very quickly and it really shook me and Liezel up . After this episode I became very nervous about walking Liezel . If you know anything about dogs , you know they feed off their owners ' feelings . So I 'm feeding her nervousness and anxiety by being nervous and anxious . Round and round it went . Around this time a few other things happened . We took a day trip to see the breeder and let her see Liezel . When Deb tried to pet Liezel 's head , Liezel back away . Deb asked me " You haven 't hit her have you ? " Nope . We went camping one weekend and Liezel was so frantic and worried she barked the entire time and got to the point of vomiting from nervousness . We actually took her for a car ride hoping 1 ) to calm her down and 2 ) let the other campers have some peace and quiet . She started barking and lunging at all strangers - going into and out of daycare , at agility class , on a walk , etc . All strangers . And she would freak out at the sound of any car door outside , the doorbell ( real or on TV ) , or the neighbors she could see in their house from the backyard . When I say " freaking out " she would jump up , front paws on the front door , scratching , barking , spit flying , hackles up . Most times there was nothing there . Then it would take an hour or more for her to calm down . I spoke with the trainer about all of this . She did not seem very concerned and gave the impression that Liezel could outgrow it . This was insufficient for me . I needed an action plan . We also had a guy out to our house who represented a company that used e - collars . The company came recommended to us by a family member . His presentation and explanation was really off - putting . We didn 't understand the concept and wondered how could we expect Liezel to understand if we didn 't . Additionally , he said " The dog will have to wear a muzzle in order for me to work with her . " I 'm not opposed to using a muzzle , but he made no attempt to interact with Liezel . His idea was put a muzzle on her and an e - collar and get started . Neither my husband nor I got a good feeling about this so the idea was quickly discarded . The third trainer , Lynn , taught me about thresholds . Not letting Liezel get to the point of reacting because once she was over threshold she was unable to learn . I guess it would be like trying to learn a new skill while being chased by a bear ? When something scary is happening to you , you are not in a learning frame of mind . Week after week for several months , Lynn came to our house and worked on keeping Liezel under threshold . Here 's how it started . Liezel was in the bedroom when Lynn arrived . She sat at the kitchen table while I went to get Liezel . Liezel and I came out of the bedroom one step at a time . When Liezel saw Lynn , I was to say " Good girl " give her a treat , and retreat to the bedroom . Her reward for looking and not reacting was getting to leave the scary thing / person . After weeks of this , we moved outside . Lynn would be across the street and I would walk Liezel . When Liezel looked at Lynn she was praised and treated . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the lesson was over . Lynn also gave me instructions on a dog training process that taught the dog to stay on a mat / bed / blanket while things went on around it . So day one you tell the dog " go to your mat " and treat her when she gets on it [ Liezel already knew " go to your bed " so this was not difficult to teach ] . Take one step away from the mat and come back with " good girl " and a treat . This goes on and on for weeks with progressively more difficult things like running around the dog / mat , leaving the room , opening the front door , and ringing the doorbell . When you get through the whole thing , you start all over again in a different room . We went through all of the weeks ( it took twice as long as the plan because you can 't move on to the next day if the dog gets off the mat today ) and then started the whole thing over in the backyard . Also during this time , we hired a stranger to do stranger approaches . I found a local pet walker and paid her to sit at one end of the parking lot of an empty factory building , while we , 500 feet away , tried to approach and stay under threshold . The instructions from Lynn on this exercise was to come out from behind the building and wait for Liezel to see the stranger . Once she did , " good girl " and retreat . Do it again and try to get a foot closer . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the training was over for the day . After a few months we could get about 450 feet away before Liezel reacted . I stopped taking her to agility with our original trainer . Liezel seemed to really like running the agility course , but on the sideline she would panic over the other people and dogs . It came to a point where I decided the fun of the course did not outweigh the stress of the sidelines . We talked with our vet about this , all of this . She had blood sent out to test for thyroid issues and the results came back normal . It was time to try medication . Our vet could not prescribe Prozac so we went to a recommended veterinary behaviorist who did . She put Liezel on 30mg / day . The intention of medication was to calm Liezel enough so we could continue working on training under threshold . We were becoming a bit reclusive . An entire summer went by and we never took our camper out of storage . I was avoiding any talk of vacation because I didn 't know what we would do with her . When she was 14 months old we did go on vacation and left her with our original trainer . I checked in with the trainer everyday but got vague responses . Come to find out , Liezel just paced the whole time we were gone . During said summer when we didn 't camp , I came across a trainer that I had emailed months before but never heard back from . He was a police dog trainer so I assumed my issues with Liezel probably weren 't what he was looking to work with . He had a booth set up at a city festival advertising dog training , specifically aggression . I found my original email to him , forwarded it with a note saying " Hey , just saw you at the festival . Please see my email below from several months ago and let me know if you can help . " Simply , Z says : June 18 , 2016 at 10 : 35 am Interesting thoughts . We had a puppy too but sadly parted with her because of allergies . We found a nice home for her . I could relate to your puppy " hating " her crate . I will definitely refer to your blog when we get a second chance . Keep writing . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 18 , 2016 at 11 : 40 am Thank you ! It 's been hard having a fearful dog but also very rewarding ! I hope my lessons can help some one else . Reply Tim Taylor says : June 19 , 2016 at 9 : 14 am I 've read all your posts and I have to say they are extremely interesting . My favorite breed is a Doberman , next is German Shepard and then Rottweilers . I hate little yappin ' dogs with a passion . I absolutely love Wolves and I almost got one once upon a time . For me , that would have been a dream come true . Keep writin ' , ' cause now I wanna know how Liezel progresses ! I , too , have a pooch who doesn 't like the crate idea . She does the same panting , drooling thing , plus licks her front legs into sopping appendages ! I went for the baby gate idea , as well , because it didn 't make any sense to continue to upset her so badly with the crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 24 , 2016 at 5 : 56 pm Thank you ! And thank you for following me . Liezel has been trying , but when I look into her little brown almond eyes , I know she was meant for me and me for her . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply jay1991katira says : June 28 , 2016 at 1 : 33 am Nice one , You gave me nice snaps of pet . I love dogs . thank you Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 7 , 2016 at 8 : 17 am I love dogs , too ! They 're loyal and loving . I 'm glad you like the pictures ! Reply frankprem says : July 1 , 2016 at 6 : 47 pm Gorgeous looking dog . Best luck with raising her , and much enjoyment . Cheers , Frank Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 18 , 2016 at 2 : 26 pm Thanks , Laura . I need to commit some time to writing . We 've had a house guest for two weeks and she 's exhausting ! Reply Vaibhav says : July 26 , 2016 at 6 : 26 am Hi again , thanks for stopping by . I read this post and have to say this - I 'm not a dog person at all , bit scared actually and love cats . However , Liezel looks so adorable . A missed vacation sounds terrible but am sure this phase will pass . Great blog title - it will go places . Have a nice day . Reply txhomegirl says : July 27 , 2016 at 5 : 00 pm Good blog ! I have to know what happened . I love Rotts . I 've owned two males and now own a female . She is much more skittish than my males were . Reply hadleylovesgus says : August 9 , 2016 at 12 : 36 pm I feel your pain ! We have our little yorkie , Gus , who suffers from fear of strangers as well . We are in the process of working with him now too . Thank you for writing ! I am hopeful to do a similar documentation of our journey as its been a great help to hear of other stories of people like us who are working hard to help a pup in this type of situation . Thank you ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 9 , 2016 at 5 : 42 pm I 'm so happy to be able to share this experience with you ! The anxiety and constant stress of Liezel 's fear has been tiresome . Every little accomplishment is celebrated because we 're that much closer to her being comfortable . Thank you for reading . I look forward to hearing more about Gus . LikeLike Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 10 am What a captivating story . Hats off to you for sticking with Liezel . She is truly lucky to have found you guys . We 're having some issues with our Bella ( nothing as severe as this ) and reading this makes me believe there might be hope yet 🙂 Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 14 am Hi Diya . Thanks for reading about Liezel ! Yes , there is hope ! With a good trainer and a lot of patience , improvement can be made . What is Bella doing ? Is she fearful ? Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 22 am Yes she is . Goes on full alert , growls and barks persistently when someone dares to pass by our front door . Thankfully she doesn 't lunge at anyone and sometimes I think she barks more out of fear than possessiveness of her territory . Part of it may just be us reading the signs wrong . We are first time dog owners and are only fostering her for a few weeks . She seems okay at times and just when we think she has finally acclimatized she starts up again . But she 's a sweetheart and we will be sorry to see her go . owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 2 : 54 pm I wish that just once in a while they could talk . All the best with Bella ! LikeLike Vernon says : August 27 , 2016 at 5 : 11 am Hi I 'm a passionate Rottweiler owner . I understand your lost with Zelda . When I lost my first Rott name BAR I said I would never own another dog . It took me years to get over him . Today we have our third one name Sebastian . It was my wife first time ever owning a dog . He had anxiety and tried to run our home when we first got him . I never had a crate with my first two dogs so when Nicole said he have to stay in one until we get him trained from chewing everything I wasn 't sure about it . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 27 , 2016 at 8 : 00 am Hi Vernon ! Your comment made me smile first thing this morning ! Yes , Rottweilers have special personalities . I 'm sorry for your loss of BAR . It is so very painful . Congratulations on opening your heart and home to other dogs - they really do make home a better place . For your wife , a first time male Rottweiler is a brave place to start ! According to the breeder we used , the males goes through an ownership phase where they test you to see what they can get away with . Sure , female go through terrible twos , but I guess it doesn 't compare . You mention the nervousness and insecurities - you are spot on with that ! Liezel picks up my emotions in a frighteningly accurate way . If I 'm even feeling a little off , she starts acting nervous . Maybe that 's proof that she was meant to be mine : ) . I really think that most ( if not all ) Rottweilers are big babies ! ! Liezel 's whole issue is fear , she is afraid of strangers . But the people she knows … she will do anything you tell her for a treat , she wants to lick your face and get her belly rubbed . I 'm happy that your wife loves dogs now . Shelby sounds cute - for a little dog - hahaha ! I 'm more of a big dog kinda gal . Ecohug says : September 14 , 2016 at 11 : 35 am Great post , I really enjoyed reading it and wanted to tell you that you are a great dog mom for sticking it out and really working on helping Liezel . I wanted to ask if you tried anything more natural to relieve anxiety , like herbs that are designed to relax the dog ? We had something similar ( not as bad as yours ) with our dog , Maddie , when we brought her home and giving her some herbs really helped her be calm especially in her crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : September 14 , 2016 at 12 : 55 pm Hi ! Thank you for reading about Liezel ! Yes , she gets two Chinese herbs : Shen Calmer and Chai Hu Shu Gan . Both are from our vet . We noticed HUGE improvements once we started the herbs . At one point last winter I took her off of them since she was doing pretty good and we noticed regression in her reactivity . The vet recommended putting her back on them , and again , they brought her back to a calmer , less reactive dog . Reply 200 Saturdays until Paris says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 26 pm I love what a patient and kind person you have been with your baby . I know it has been hard , but I am so happy you didn 't give up . ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 38 pm Thank you ! She she is wonderful in many , many ways . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 20 , 2016 at 5 : 14 am I 'm exhausted reading what you have been through . Also if you need to have break , Liezel should be in good hands with the breeder . I look forward to reading if it gets better for you . Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 21 , 2016 at 5 : 02 am Yes it was long , but it was very thoroughly written . I was hoping desperately that peace and harmony would reign for you , but I had to wait until now to find out . But I am very glad it has gotten better for you . Good on your parents . John Chon says : November 14 , 2016 at 7 : 06 pm Your dog is so cute ! I really liked how thorough you were in this post . I can tell that you love your dog very much . It 's so great to see loving and responsible dog owners out there 🙂 Keep up the great work ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 15 , 2016 at 4 : 43 am Hi John ! Thank you ! We think she 's pretty cute , too . I 'm very glad you enjoyed reading about Liezel . She is doing so much better . LikeLiked by 1 person charlypriest says : November 17 , 2016 at 12 : 58 pm Cute dog , I myself have a recent addition to the family that is called Tina a bulldog of 7 months . What I find fascinating about all this is … . . the dog has a daycarecenter ! That is unheard here in Spain . That dog has better care as a youngster than I did . I 'm actually jealous . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 17 , 2016 at 2 : 34 pm Oh what we do for our pets here … ! Thank you for reading ! Yay for you and Tina ! There is something so wonderful about having a dog . Reply charlypriest says : November 18 , 2016 at 6 : 09 am She does puts me a smile on the face , although she can be a pain in the but quite a lot of times . Specially when she starts eating walls , chairs , sofas , socks , the list goes on . What a stomach this dog has , it 's bullet proof .
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Knowing nothing about blogs or blogging , I had a * great * idea this morning to start my own and write all about my dog . I considered writing a book … but would there be enough to say and would anyone care ? At least this way , I can get it all out in writing , look at what I 've got and see where it goes . We ( my husband and I ) brought home a 7 . 5 week Rottweiler puppy on January 17 , 2014 . We named her Liezel ( sounds like diesel ) , I 'll spare you the long AKC registered name . I was apprehensive because we had just gone though a painful year and a half of caring for a very sick Rottweiler , Zelda . We put her down just before her second birthday in September , 2013 , and it was heartbreaking . Zelda was my first dog , I loved her more than I knew was possible . Getting a new puppy was scary ( what if she 's sick ) and exciting ( puppies are fun and cute ) . My intention for getting a dog was not only companionship but also to compete in dog sports ( obedience , agility ) , ultimately Schutzhund . We were supposed to start puppy classes right away , but Liezel not having her 12 - week shots , I postponed classes until the " next semester " for fear she would get sick . From 8 weeks to 11 weeks , Liezel stayed home . I took a week off of work , my husband took a week off , and my retired parents stayed with her for a week during the day while we worked . Aside from hating the crate she seemed like a perfectly content pup . The neighbors came over to meet her and when she met their Rottweiler , she was in Heaven ! She took to him like he was her best friend . I wondered if she thought " Wow ! Something like me - just bigger . " I remember commenting that the neighbor 's dog looked at me with an expression of " get this mosquito away from me ! " She loved when he came over . During the 8 - to 12 - week age we had major snowfall in Michigan . We had to dig tracks in the yard for Liezel to go potty since the snow was deeper than she was tall . It was very cold and with the snow and salt we did not take her for walks . However , she went to the pet store ( I carried her ) , the vet , and my parents house for small amounts of exposure . I know , I know " 8 - to 12 - weeks is a critical time for socialization ! " My thought process was I would rather delay socialization a few weeks than take the chance of having another sick dog . At eleven weeks , Liezel started daycare . She couldn 't be with the other puppies yet because she still had a week to go for shots , but she was in the office with the employees - and out of the house . The daycare workers pointed out that she really hated being crated ( yep , we know ) . At home or daycare , while crated she would howl and cry to the point of peeing and / or pooping herself . Never was the crate used for punishment . The purpose of crating her was to create her own private space . The idea being she can go to her crate knowing that when there no one will bother her . It 's her " safe place . " In the meantime , until she realized it was her safe - place she would be crated for naps and at night . It got to the point during what should have been nap time ( she 's fallen asleep somewhere and we pick her up and put her in the crate ) she would just cry , scream and howl . I actually called the breeder and ask " what should we do ? ! " Some dogs don 't take to a crate so the advice was to just let her sleep wherever she laid down . She would still have to be crated at night since she wasn 't fully potty trained . I slept on the floor next to her for four weeks , slowly increasing the distance from her until I could get in to bed . Back to daycare , at 13 weeks she started playing with the other dogs ( shots at 12 weeks , then a week to recover ) . She played with the other puppies and came home worn out . For one hour during the day all the dogs are kenneled ( inside ) for a lunch break . Liezel was still getting three meals a day so this was her lunch and nap break . Being in the kennel alone was as bad as being crated . She would pee / poop herself and cry and howl . One day they had to bathe her because she was in such a tither she got poop all over herself . This was causing me to have some anxiety . I have a happy , healthy puppy who does not like to be crated . I start wondering ' how am I ever going to leave the house ? , ' ' how are we ever going to leave her alone ? , ' ' what have I gotten us into ? ' I talked to the trainer once we started puppy classes and she had some tips . 1 ) never let her out of the crate when she 's crying - doing so will teach her that crying gets her released . Um , she cries the whole time she 's in it . 2 ) hit a wall just outside the room where the crate is . It will get her attention and she will stop to listen . At that moment of silence go get her . 3 ) never tell her " good girl " when she 's coming out of the crate - doing so will teach her getting out is the reward . 4 ) do not show excitement when letting her out . Open the door and walk away . Getting out is not fun / exciting ; going in should be . So over the course of the next couple of months we worked on this . The living room crate for naps was removed and the bedroom crate for nighttime was moved from the foot of the bed to my side . The move would allow her to see down the hallway when she was crated when we went out . Here I should interject that " going out " meant running to the grocery store , maybe going out to dinner , or stopping by my parents ( they live two miles away ) . This wasn 't out to dinner , drinks , and a movie - or even an extended family get - together . We were gone an hour or less . When we got home the crate would be covered in drool and she would be panting . Separation anxiety ? Just complete fear of the crate ? What is the problem , here ? At five months old we stopped using the crate all together . She was locked in our bedroom by a baby gate when we went out and this was a much better solution . She was calmer and we found ( via recording ) that she would curl up on the bed and sleep while we were gone . No drooling , panting , or pacing . She also started sleeping with us at night . It seemed a better option than the nighttime crying , panting , drooling , etc . She jumped into bed , curled up , and that was that . We continued with classes . Puppy class was a great success ! She knew sit , down , shake , watch , and touch before class even started ( remember those several weeks she stayed home ? We were teaching her some stuff . ) so she was kinda the star student [ proud smile ] . By the time we got to intermediate / advanced obedience we noticed some undesirable behaviors . Also around this time , the weather had gotten better and we started taking walks where we also observed undesirable behavior . At class she began barking and attempting to run toward ( on leash ) other people . On a walk , once we got about two houses away , she would turn around pulling toward home . Her happy disposition changed to a vigilant , nervous one . If anyone came out and asked to pet her , she would shrink back and avoid being touched . When she was about 6 months old we were on a walk in the neighborhood . Approaching a driveway partially blocked by a Jeep , two remote control cars came toward us . Liezel barked and lunged at them . The cars were being run by two little boys and the adult started screaming , " Get that dog off of my property before I get my f - ing gun and shoot it . " Hmm . This seemed over - the - top . My then 6 - month old puppy , was startled by the things coming at her , and she reacted . The guy went crazy ! I pointed out to him that I was on city property and I had every right to be there . Well his threats continued so I called the police . He too called the police and was yelling " It 's a Rottweiler ! A ROTTWEILER ! " While on the phone with the police his wife approached me saying " Please , just leave . Please . " Another man in his group approached me saying , " Get out of here you bitch ! " The whole thing escalated very quickly and it really shook me and Liezel up . After this episode I became very nervous about walking Liezel . If you know anything about dogs , you know they feed off their owners ' feelings . So I 'm feeding her nervousness and anxiety by being nervous and anxious . Round and round it went . Around this time a few other things happened . We took a day trip to see the breeder and let her see Liezel . When Deb tried to pet Liezel 's head , Liezel back away . Deb asked me " You haven 't hit her have you ? " Nope . We went camping one weekend and Liezel was so frantic and worried she barked the entire time and got to the point of vomiting from nervousness . We actually took her for a car ride hoping 1 ) to calm her down and 2 ) let the other campers have some peace and quiet . She started barking and lunging at all strangers - going into and out of daycare , at agility class , on a walk , etc . All strangers . And she would freak out at the sound of any car door outside , the doorbell ( real or on TV ) , or the neighbors she could see in their house from the backyard . When I say " freaking out " she would jump up , front paws on the front door , scratching , barking , spit flying , hackles up . Most times there was nothing there . Then it would take an hour or more for her to calm down . I spoke with the trainer about all of this . She did not seem very concerned and gave the impression that Liezel could outgrow it . This was insufficient for me . I needed an action plan . We also had a guy out to our house who represented a company that used e - collars . The company came recommended to us by a family member . His presentation and explanation was really off - putting . We didn 't understand the concept and wondered how could we expect Liezel to understand if we didn 't . Additionally , he said " The dog will have to wear a muzzle in order for me to work with her . " I 'm not opposed to using a muzzle , but he made no attempt to interact with Liezel . His idea was put a muzzle on her and an e - collar and get started . Neither my husband nor I got a good feeling about this so the idea was quickly discarded . The third trainer , Lynn , taught me about thresholds . Not letting Liezel get to the point of reacting because once she was over threshold she was unable to learn . I guess it would be like trying to learn a new skill while being chased by a bear ? When something scary is happening to you , you are not in a learning frame of mind . Week after week for several months , Lynn came to our house and worked on keeping Liezel under threshold . Here 's how it started . Liezel was in the bedroom when Lynn arrived . She sat at the kitchen table while I went to get Liezel . Liezel and I came out of the bedroom one step at a time . When Liezel saw Lynn , I was to say " Good girl " give her a treat , and retreat to the bedroom . Her reward for looking and not reacting was getting to leave the scary thing / person . After weeks of this , we moved outside . Lynn would be across the street and I would walk Liezel . When Liezel looked at Lynn she was praised and treated . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the lesson was over . Lynn also gave me instructions on a dog training process that taught the dog to stay on a mat / bed / blanket while things went on around it . So day one you tell the dog " go to your mat " and treat her when she gets on it [ Liezel already knew " go to your bed " so this was not difficult to teach ] . Take one step away from the mat and come back with " good girl " and a treat . This goes on and on for weeks with progressively more difficult things like running around the dog / mat , leaving the room , opening the front door , and ringing the doorbell . When you get through the whole thing , you start all over again in a different room . We went through all of the weeks ( it took twice as long as the plan because you can 't move on to the next day if the dog gets off the mat today ) and then started the whole thing over in the backyard . Also during this time , we hired a stranger to do stranger approaches . I found a local pet walker and paid her to sit at one end of the parking lot of an empty factory building , while we , 500 feet away , tried to approach and stay under threshold . The instructions from Lynn on this exercise was to come out from behind the building and wait for Liezel to see the stranger . Once she did , " good girl " and retreat . Do it again and try to get a foot closer . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the training was over for the day . After a few months we could get about 450 feet away before Liezel reacted . I stopped taking her to agility with our original trainer . Liezel seemed to really like running the agility course , but on the sideline she would panic over the other people and dogs . It came to a point where I decided the fun of the course did not outweigh the stress of the sidelines . We talked with our vet about this , all of this . She had blood sent out to test for thyroid issues and the results came back normal . It was time to try medication . Our vet could not prescribe Prozac so we went to a recommended veterinary behaviorist who did . She put Liezel on 30mg / day . The intention of medication was to calm Liezel enough so we could continue working on training under threshold . We were becoming a bit reclusive . An entire summer went by and we never took our camper out of storage . I was avoiding any talk of vacation because I didn 't know what we would do with her . When she was 14 months old we did go on vacation and left her with our original trainer . I checked in with the trainer everyday but got vague responses . Come to find out , Liezel just paced the whole time we were gone . During said summer when we didn 't camp , I came across a trainer that I had emailed months before but never heard back from . He was a police dog trainer so I assumed my issues with Liezel probably weren 't what he was looking to work with . He had a booth set up at a city festival advertising dog training , specifically aggression . I found my original email to him , forwarded it with a note saying " Hey , just saw you at the festival . Please see my email below from several months ago and let me know if you can help . " Simply , Z says : June 18 , 2016 at 10 : 35 am Interesting thoughts . We had a puppy too but sadly parted with her because of allergies . We found a nice home for her . I could relate to your puppy " hating " her crate . I will definitely refer to your blog when we get a second chance . Keep writing . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 18 , 2016 at 11 : 40 am Thank you ! It 's been hard having a fearful dog but also very rewarding ! I hope my lessons can help some one else . Reply Tim Taylor says : June 19 , 2016 at 9 : 14 am I 've read all your posts and I have to say they are extremely interesting . My favorite breed is a Doberman , next is German Shepard and then Rottweilers . I hate little yappin ' dogs with a passion . I absolutely love Wolves and I almost got one once upon a time . For me , that would have been a dream come true . Keep writin ' , ' cause now I wanna know how Liezel progresses ! I , too , have a pooch who doesn 't like the crate idea . She does the same panting , drooling thing , plus licks her front legs into sopping appendages ! I went for the baby gate idea , as well , because it didn 't make any sense to continue to upset her so badly with the crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 24 , 2016 at 5 : 56 pm Thank you ! And thank you for following me . Liezel has been trying , but when I look into her little brown almond eyes , I know she was meant for me and me for her . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply jay1991katira says : June 28 , 2016 at 1 : 33 am Nice one , You gave me nice snaps of pet . I love dogs . thank you Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 7 , 2016 at 8 : 17 am I love dogs , too ! They 're loyal and loving . I 'm glad you like the pictures ! Reply frankprem says : July 1 , 2016 at 6 : 47 pm Gorgeous looking dog . Best luck with raising her , and much enjoyment . Cheers , Frank Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 18 , 2016 at 2 : 26 pm Thanks , Laura . I need to commit some time to writing . We 've had a house guest for two weeks and she 's exhausting ! Reply Vaibhav says : July 26 , 2016 at 6 : 26 am Hi again , thanks for stopping by . I read this post and have to say this - I 'm not a dog person at all , bit scared actually and love cats . However , Liezel looks so adorable . A missed vacation sounds terrible but am sure this phase will pass . Great blog title - it will go places . Have a nice day . Reply txhomegirl says : July 27 , 2016 at 5 : 00 pm Good blog ! I have to know what happened . I love Rotts . I 've owned two males and now own a female . She is much more skittish than my males were . Reply hadleylovesgus says : August 9 , 2016 at 12 : 36 pm I feel your pain ! We have our little yorkie , Gus , who suffers from fear of strangers as well . We are in the process of working with him now too . Thank you for writing ! I am hopeful to do a similar documentation of our journey as its been a great help to hear of other stories of people like us who are working hard to help a pup in this type of situation . Thank you ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 9 , 2016 at 5 : 42 pm I 'm so happy to be able to share this experience with you ! The anxiety and constant stress of Liezel 's fear has been tiresome . Every little accomplishment is celebrated because we 're that much closer to her being comfortable . Thank you for reading . I look forward to hearing more about Gus . LikeLike Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 10 am What a captivating story . Hats off to you for sticking with Liezel . She is truly lucky to have found you guys . We 're having some issues with our Bella ( nothing as severe as this ) and reading this makes me believe there might be hope yet 🙂 Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 14 am Hi Diya . Thanks for reading about Liezel ! Yes , there is hope ! With a good trainer and a lot of patience , improvement can be made . What is Bella doing ? Is she fearful ? Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 22 am Yes she is . Goes on full alert , growls and barks persistently when someone dares to pass by our front door . Thankfully she doesn 't lunge at anyone and sometimes I think she barks more out of fear than possessiveness of her territory . Part of it may just be us reading the signs wrong . We are first time dog owners and are only fostering her for a few weeks . She seems okay at times and just when we think she has finally acclimatized she starts up again . But she 's a sweetheart and we will be sorry to see her go . owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 2 : 54 pm I wish that just once in a while they could talk . All the best with Bella ! LikeLike Vernon says : August 27 , 2016 at 5 : 11 am Hi I 'm a passionate Rottweiler owner . I understand your lost with Zelda . When I lost my first Rott name BAR I said I would never own another dog . It took me years to get over him . Today we have our third one name Sebastian . It was my wife first time ever owning a dog . He had anxiety and tried to run our home when we first got him . I never had a crate with my first two dogs so when Nicole said he have to stay in one until we get him trained from chewing everything I wasn 't sure about it . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 27 , 2016 at 8 : 00 am Hi Vernon ! Your comment made me smile first thing this morning ! Yes , Rottweilers have special personalities . I 'm sorry for your loss of BAR . It is so very painful . Congratulations on opening your heart and home to other dogs - they really do make home a better place . For your wife , a first time male Rottweiler is a brave place to start ! According to the breeder we used , the males goes through an ownership phase where they test you to see what they can get away with . Sure , female go through terrible twos , but I guess it doesn 't compare . You mention the nervousness and insecurities - you are spot on with that ! Liezel picks up my emotions in a frighteningly accurate way . If I 'm even feeling a little off , she starts acting nervous . Maybe that 's proof that she was meant to be mine : ) . I really think that most ( if not all ) Rottweilers are big babies ! ! Liezel 's whole issue is fear , she is afraid of strangers . But the people she knows … she will do anything you tell her for a treat , she wants to lick your face and get her belly rubbed . I 'm happy that your wife loves dogs now . Shelby sounds cute - for a little dog - hahaha ! I 'm more of a big dog kinda gal . Ecohug says : September 14 , 2016 at 11 : 35 am Great post , I really enjoyed reading it and wanted to tell you that you are a great dog mom for sticking it out and really working on helping Liezel . I wanted to ask if you tried anything more natural to relieve anxiety , like herbs that are designed to relax the dog ? We had something similar ( not as bad as yours ) with our dog , Maddie , when we brought her home and giving her some herbs really helped her be calm especially in her crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : September 14 , 2016 at 12 : 55 pm Hi ! Thank you for reading about Liezel ! Yes , she gets two Chinese herbs : Shen Calmer and Chai Hu Shu Gan . Both are from our vet . We noticed HUGE improvements once we started the herbs . At one point last winter I took her off of them since she was doing pretty good and we noticed regression in her reactivity . The vet recommended putting her back on them , and again , they brought her back to a calmer , less reactive dog . Reply 200 Saturdays until Paris says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 26 pm I love what a patient and kind person you have been with your baby . I know it has been hard , but I am so happy you didn 't give up . ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 38 pm Thank you ! She she is wonderful in many , many ways . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 20 , 2016 at 5 : 14 am I 'm exhausted reading what you have been through . Also if you need to have break , Liezel should be in good hands with the breeder . I look forward to reading if it gets better for you . Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 21 , 2016 at 5 : 02 am Yes it was long , but it was very thoroughly written . I was hoping desperately that peace and harmony would reign for you , but I had to wait until now to find out . But I am very glad it has gotten better for you . Good on your parents . John Chon says : November 14 , 2016 at 7 : 06 pm Your dog is so cute ! I really liked how thorough you were in this post . I can tell that you love your dog very much . It 's so great to see loving and responsible dog owners out there 🙂 Keep up the great work ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 15 , 2016 at 4 : 43 am Hi John ! Thank you ! We think she 's pretty cute , too . I 'm very glad you enjoyed reading about Liezel . She is doing so much better . LikeLiked by 1 person charlypriest says : November 17 , 2016 at 12 : 58 pm Cute dog , I myself have a recent addition to the family that is called Tina a bulldog of 7 months . What I find fascinating about all this is … . . the dog has a daycarecenter ! That is unheard here in Spain . That dog has better care as a youngster than I did . I 'm actually jealous . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 17 , 2016 at 2 : 34 pm Oh what we do for our pets here … ! Thank you for reading ! Yay for you and Tina ! There is something so wonderful about having a dog . Reply charlypriest says : November 18 , 2016 at 6 : 09 am She does puts me a smile on the face , although she can be a pain in the but quite a lot of times . Specially when she starts eating walls , chairs , sofas , socks , the list goes on . What a stomach this dog has , it 's bullet proof .
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Knowing nothing about blogs or blogging , I had a * great * idea this morning to start my own and write all about my dog . I considered writing a book … but would there be enough to say and would anyone care ? At least this way , I can get it all out in writing , look at what I 've got and see where it goes . We ( my husband and I ) brought home a 7 . 5 week Rottweiler puppy on January 17 , 2014 . We named her Liezel ( sounds like diesel ) , I 'll spare you the long AKC registered name . I was apprehensive because we had just gone though a painful year and a half of caring for a very sick Rottweiler , Zelda . We put her down just before her second birthday in September , 2013 , and it was heartbreaking . Zelda was my first dog , I loved her more than I knew was possible . Getting a new puppy was scary ( what if she 's sick ) and exciting ( puppies are fun and cute ) . My intention for getting a dog was not only companionship but also to compete in dog sports ( obedience , agility ) , ultimately Schutzhund . We were supposed to start puppy classes right away , but Liezel not having her 12 - week shots , I postponed classes until the " next semester " for fear she would get sick . From 8 weeks to 11 weeks , Liezel stayed home . I took a week off of work , my husband took a week off , and my retired parents stayed with her for a week during the day while we worked . Aside from hating the crate she seemed like a perfectly content pup . The neighbors came over to meet her and when she met their Rottweiler , she was in Heaven ! She took to him like he was her best friend . I wondered if she thought " Wow ! Something like me - just bigger . " I remember commenting that the neighbor 's dog looked at me with an expression of " get this mosquito away from me ! " She loved when he came over . During the 8 - to 12 - week age we had major snowfall in Michigan . We had to dig tracks in the yard for Liezel to go potty since the snow was deeper than she was tall . It was very cold and with the snow and salt we did not take her for walks . However , she went to the pet store ( I carried her ) , the vet , and my parents house for small amounts of exposure . I know , I know " 8 - to 12 - weeks is a critical time for socialization ! " My thought process was I would rather delay socialization a few weeks than take the chance of having another sick dog . At eleven weeks , Liezel started daycare . She couldn 't be with the other puppies yet because she still had a week to go for shots , but she was in the office with the employees - and out of the house . The daycare workers pointed out that she really hated being crated ( yep , we know ) . At home or daycare , while crated she would howl and cry to the point of peeing and / or pooping herself . Never was the crate used for punishment . The purpose of crating her was to create her own private space . The idea being she can go to her crate knowing that when there no one will bother her . It 's her " safe place . " In the meantime , until she realized it was her safe - place she would be crated for naps and at night . It got to the point during what should have been nap time ( she 's fallen asleep somewhere and we pick her up and put her in the crate ) she would just cry , scream and howl . I actually called the breeder and ask " what should we do ? ! " Some dogs don 't take to a crate so the advice was to just let her sleep wherever she laid down . She would still have to be crated at night since she wasn 't fully potty trained . I slept on the floor next to her for four weeks , slowly increasing the distance from her until I could get in to bed . Back to daycare , at 13 weeks she started playing with the other dogs ( shots at 12 weeks , then a week to recover ) . She played with the other puppies and came home worn out . For one hour during the day all the dogs are kenneled ( inside ) for a lunch break . Liezel was still getting three meals a day so this was her lunch and nap break . Being in the kennel alone was as bad as being crated . She would pee / poop herself and cry and howl . One day they had to bathe her because she was in such a tither she got poop all over herself . This was causing me to have some anxiety . I have a happy , healthy puppy who does not like to be crated . I start wondering ' how am I ever going to leave the house ? , ' ' how are we ever going to leave her alone ? , ' ' what have I gotten us into ? ' I talked to the trainer once we started puppy classes and she had some tips . 1 ) never let her out of the crate when she 's crying - doing so will teach her that crying gets her released . Um , she cries the whole time she 's in it . 2 ) hit a wall just outside the room where the crate is . It will get her attention and she will stop to listen . At that moment of silence go get her . 3 ) never tell her " good girl " when she 's coming out of the crate - doing so will teach her getting out is the reward . 4 ) do not show excitement when letting her out . Open the door and walk away . Getting out is not fun / exciting ; going in should be . So over the course of the next couple of months we worked on this . The living room crate for naps was removed and the bedroom crate for nighttime was moved from the foot of the bed to my side . The move would allow her to see down the hallway when she was crated when we went out . Here I should interject that " going out " meant running to the grocery store , maybe going out to dinner , or stopping by my parents ( they live two miles away ) . This wasn 't out to dinner , drinks , and a movie - or even an extended family get - together . We were gone an hour or less . When we got home the crate would be covered in drool and she would be panting . Separation anxiety ? Just complete fear of the crate ? What is the problem , here ? At five months old we stopped using the crate all together . She was locked in our bedroom by a baby gate when we went out and this was a much better solution . She was calmer and we found ( via recording ) that she would curl up on the bed and sleep while we were gone . No drooling , panting , or pacing . She also started sleeping with us at night . It seemed a better option than the nighttime crying , panting , drooling , etc . She jumped into bed , curled up , and that was that . We continued with classes . Puppy class was a great success ! She knew sit , down , shake , watch , and touch before class even started ( remember those several weeks she stayed home ? We were teaching her some stuff . ) so she was kinda the star student [ proud smile ] . By the time we got to intermediate / advanced obedience we noticed some undesirable behaviors . Also around this time , the weather had gotten better and we started taking walks where we also observed undesirable behavior . At class she began barking and attempting to run toward ( on leash ) other people . On a walk , once we got about two houses away , she would turn around pulling toward home . Her happy disposition changed to a vigilant , nervous one . If anyone came out and asked to pet her , she would shrink back and avoid being touched . When she was about 6 months old we were on a walk in the neighborhood . Approaching a driveway partially blocked by a Jeep , two remote control cars came toward us . Liezel barked and lunged at them . The cars were being run by two little boys and the adult started screaming , " Get that dog off of my property before I get my f - ing gun and shoot it . " Hmm . This seemed over - the - top . My then 6 - month old puppy , was startled by the things coming at her , and she reacted . The guy went crazy ! I pointed out to him that I was on city property and I had every right to be there . Well his threats continued so I called the police . He too called the police and was yelling " It 's a Rottweiler ! A ROTTWEILER ! " While on the phone with the police his wife approached me saying " Please , just leave . Please . " Another man in his group approached me saying , " Get out of here you bitch ! " The whole thing escalated very quickly and it really shook me and Liezel up . After this episode I became very nervous about walking Liezel . If you know anything about dogs , you know they feed off their owners ' feelings . So I 'm feeding her nervousness and anxiety by being nervous and anxious . Round and round it went . Around this time a few other things happened . We took a day trip to see the breeder and let her see Liezel . When Deb tried to pet Liezel 's head , Liezel back away . Deb asked me " You haven 't hit her have you ? " Nope . We went camping one weekend and Liezel was so frantic and worried she barked the entire time and got to the point of vomiting from nervousness . We actually took her for a car ride hoping 1 ) to calm her down and 2 ) let the other campers have some peace and quiet . She started barking and lunging at all strangers - going into and out of daycare , at agility class , on a walk , etc . All strangers . And she would freak out at the sound of any car door outside , the doorbell ( real or on TV ) , or the neighbors she could see in their house from the backyard . When I say " freaking out " she would jump up , front paws on the front door , scratching , barking , spit flying , hackles up . Most times there was nothing there . Then it would take an hour or more for her to calm down . I spoke with the trainer about all of this . She did not seem very concerned and gave the impression that Liezel could outgrow it . This was insufficient for me . I needed an action plan . We also had a guy out to our house who represented a company that used e - collars . The company came recommended to us by a family member . His presentation and explanation was really off - putting . We didn 't understand the concept and wondered how could we expect Liezel to understand if we didn 't . Additionally , he said " The dog will have to wear a muzzle in order for me to work with her . " I 'm not opposed to using a muzzle , but he made no attempt to interact with Liezel . His idea was put a muzzle on her and an e - collar and get started . Neither my husband nor I got a good feeling about this so the idea was quickly discarded . The third trainer , Lynn , taught me about thresholds . Not letting Liezel get to the point of reacting because once she was over threshold she was unable to learn . I guess it would be like trying to learn a new skill while being chased by a bear ? When something scary is happening to you , you are not in a learning frame of mind . Week after week for several months , Lynn came to our house and worked on keeping Liezel under threshold . Here 's how it started . Liezel was in the bedroom when Lynn arrived . She sat at the kitchen table while I went to get Liezel . Liezel and I came out of the bedroom one step at a time . When Liezel saw Lynn , I was to say " Good girl " give her a treat , and retreat to the bedroom . Her reward for looking and not reacting was getting to leave the scary thing / person . After weeks of this , we moved outside . Lynn would be across the street and I would walk Liezel . When Liezel looked at Lynn she was praised and treated . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the lesson was over . Lynn also gave me instructions on a dog training process that taught the dog to stay on a mat / bed / blanket while things went on around it . So day one you tell the dog " go to your mat " and treat her when she gets on it [ Liezel already knew " go to your bed " so this was not difficult to teach ] . Take one step away from the mat and come back with " good girl " and a treat . This goes on and on for weeks with progressively more difficult things like running around the dog / mat , leaving the room , opening the front door , and ringing the doorbell . When you get through the whole thing , you start all over again in a different room . We went through all of the weeks ( it took twice as long as the plan because you can 't move on to the next day if the dog gets off the mat today ) and then started the whole thing over in the backyard . Also during this time , we hired a stranger to do stranger approaches . I found a local pet walker and paid her to sit at one end of the parking lot of an empty factory building , while we , 500 feet away , tried to approach and stay under threshold . The instructions from Lynn on this exercise was to come out from behind the building and wait for Liezel to see the stranger . Once she did , " good girl " and retreat . Do it again and try to get a foot closer . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the training was over for the day . After a few months we could get about 450 feet away before Liezel reacted . I stopped taking her to agility with our original trainer . Liezel seemed to really like running the agility course , but on the sideline she would panic over the other people and dogs . It came to a point where I decided the fun of the course did not outweigh the stress of the sidelines . We talked with our vet about this , all of this . She had blood sent out to test for thyroid issues and the results came back normal . It was time to try medication . Our vet could not prescribe Prozac so we went to a recommended veterinary behaviorist who did . She put Liezel on 30mg / day . The intention of medication was to calm Liezel enough so we could continue working on training under threshold . We were becoming a bit reclusive . An entire summer went by and we never took our camper out of storage . I was avoiding any talk of vacation because I didn 't know what we would do with her . When she was 14 months old we did go on vacation and left her with our original trainer . I checked in with the trainer everyday but got vague responses . Come to find out , Liezel just paced the whole time we were gone . During said summer when we didn 't camp , I came across a trainer that I had emailed months before but never heard back from . He was a police dog trainer so I assumed my issues with Liezel probably weren 't what he was looking to work with . He had a booth set up at a city festival advertising dog training , specifically aggression . I found my original email to him , forwarded it with a note saying " Hey , just saw you at the festival . Please see my email below from several months ago and let me know if you can help . " Simply , Z says : June 18 , 2016 at 10 : 35 am Interesting thoughts . We had a puppy too but sadly parted with her because of allergies . We found a nice home for her . I could relate to your puppy " hating " her crate . I will definitely refer to your blog when we get a second chance . Keep writing . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 18 , 2016 at 11 : 40 am Thank you ! It 's been hard having a fearful dog but also very rewarding ! I hope my lessons can help some one else . Reply Tim Taylor says : June 19 , 2016 at 9 : 14 am I 've read all your posts and I have to say they are extremely interesting . My favorite breed is a Doberman , next is German Shepard and then Rottweilers . I hate little yappin ' dogs with a passion . I absolutely love Wolves and I almost got one once upon a time . For me , that would have been a dream come true . Keep writin ' , ' cause now I wanna know how Liezel progresses ! I , too , have a pooch who doesn 't like the crate idea . She does the same panting , drooling thing , plus licks her front legs into sopping appendages ! I went for the baby gate idea , as well , because it didn 't make any sense to continue to upset her so badly with the crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 24 , 2016 at 5 : 56 pm Thank you ! And thank you for following me . Liezel has been trying , but when I look into her little brown almond eyes , I know she was meant for me and me for her . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply jay1991katira says : June 28 , 2016 at 1 : 33 am Nice one , You gave me nice snaps of pet . I love dogs . thank you Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 7 , 2016 at 8 : 17 am I love dogs , too ! They 're loyal and loving . I 'm glad you like the pictures ! Reply frankprem says : July 1 , 2016 at 6 : 47 pm Gorgeous looking dog . Best luck with raising her , and much enjoyment . Cheers , Frank Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 18 , 2016 at 2 : 26 pm Thanks , Laura . I need to commit some time to writing . We 've had a house guest for two weeks and she 's exhausting ! Reply Vaibhav says : July 26 , 2016 at 6 : 26 am Hi again , thanks for stopping by . I read this post and have to say this - I 'm not a dog person at all , bit scared actually and love cats . However , Liezel looks so adorable . A missed vacation sounds terrible but am sure this phase will pass . Great blog title - it will go places . Have a nice day . Reply txhomegirl says : July 27 , 2016 at 5 : 00 pm Good blog ! I have to know what happened . I love Rotts . I 've owned two males and now own a female . She is much more skittish than my males were . Reply hadleylovesgus says : August 9 , 2016 at 12 : 36 pm I feel your pain ! We have our little yorkie , Gus , who suffers from fear of strangers as well . We are in the process of working with him now too . Thank you for writing ! I am hopeful to do a similar documentation of our journey as its been a great help to hear of other stories of people like us who are working hard to help a pup in this type of situation . Thank you ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 9 , 2016 at 5 : 42 pm I 'm so happy to be able to share this experience with you ! The anxiety and constant stress of Liezel 's fear has been tiresome . Every little accomplishment is celebrated because we 're that much closer to her being comfortable . Thank you for reading . I look forward to hearing more about Gus . LikeLike Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 10 am What a captivating story . Hats off to you for sticking with Liezel . She is truly lucky to have found you guys . We 're having some issues with our Bella ( nothing as severe as this ) and reading this makes me believe there might be hope yet 🙂 Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 14 am Hi Diya . Thanks for reading about Liezel ! Yes , there is hope ! With a good trainer and a lot of patience , improvement can be made . What is Bella doing ? Is she fearful ? Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 22 am Yes she is . Goes on full alert , growls and barks persistently when someone dares to pass by our front door . Thankfully she doesn 't lunge at anyone and sometimes I think she barks more out of fear than possessiveness of her territory . Part of it may just be us reading the signs wrong . We are first time dog owners and are only fostering her for a few weeks . She seems okay at times and just when we think she has finally acclimatized she starts up again . But she 's a sweetheart and we will be sorry to see her go . owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 2 : 54 pm I wish that just once in a while they could talk . All the best with Bella ! LikeLike Vernon says : August 27 , 2016 at 5 : 11 am Hi I 'm a passionate Rottweiler owner . I understand your lost with Zelda . When I lost my first Rott name BAR I said I would never own another dog . It took me years to get over him . Today we have our third one name Sebastian . It was my wife first time ever owning a dog . He had anxiety and tried to run our home when we first got him . I never had a crate with my first two dogs so when Nicole said he have to stay in one until we get him trained from chewing everything I wasn 't sure about it . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 27 , 2016 at 8 : 00 am Hi Vernon ! Your comment made me smile first thing this morning ! Yes , Rottweilers have special personalities . I 'm sorry for your loss of BAR . It is so very painful . Congratulations on opening your heart and home to other dogs - they really do make home a better place . For your wife , a first time male Rottweiler is a brave place to start ! According to the breeder we used , the males goes through an ownership phase where they test you to see what they can get away with . Sure , female go through terrible twos , but I guess it doesn 't compare . You mention the nervousness and insecurities - you are spot on with that ! Liezel picks up my emotions in a frighteningly accurate way . If I 'm even feeling a little off , she starts acting nervous . Maybe that 's proof that she was meant to be mine : ) . I really think that most ( if not all ) Rottweilers are big babies ! ! Liezel 's whole issue is fear , she is afraid of strangers . But the people she knows … she will do anything you tell her for a treat , she wants to lick your face and get her belly rubbed . I 'm happy that your wife loves dogs now . Shelby sounds cute - for a little dog - hahaha ! I 'm more of a big dog kinda gal . Ecohug says : September 14 , 2016 at 11 : 35 am Great post , I really enjoyed reading it and wanted to tell you that you are a great dog mom for sticking it out and really working on helping Liezel . I wanted to ask if you tried anything more natural to relieve anxiety , like herbs that are designed to relax the dog ? We had something similar ( not as bad as yours ) with our dog , Maddie , when we brought her home and giving her some herbs really helped her be calm especially in her crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : September 14 , 2016 at 12 : 55 pm Hi ! Thank you for reading about Liezel ! Yes , she gets two Chinese herbs : Shen Calmer and Chai Hu Shu Gan . Both are from our vet . We noticed HUGE improvements once we started the herbs . At one point last winter I took her off of them since she was doing pretty good and we noticed regression in her reactivity . The vet recommended putting her back on them , and again , they brought her back to a calmer , less reactive dog . Reply 200 Saturdays until Paris says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 26 pm I love what a patient and kind person you have been with your baby . I know it has been hard , but I am so happy you didn 't give up . ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 38 pm Thank you ! She she is wonderful in many , many ways . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 20 , 2016 at 5 : 14 am I 'm exhausted reading what you have been through . Also if you need to have break , Liezel should be in good hands with the breeder . I look forward to reading if it gets better for you . Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 21 , 2016 at 5 : 02 am Yes it was long , but it was very thoroughly written . I was hoping desperately that peace and harmony would reign for you , but I had to wait until now to find out . But I am very glad it has gotten better for you . Good on your parents . John Chon says : November 14 , 2016 at 7 : 06 pm Your dog is so cute ! I really liked how thorough you were in this post . I can tell that you love your dog very much . It 's so great to see loving and responsible dog owners out there 🙂 Keep up the great work ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 15 , 2016 at 4 : 43 am Hi John ! Thank you ! We think she 's pretty cute , too . I 'm very glad you enjoyed reading about Liezel . She is doing so much better . LikeLiked by 1 person charlypriest says : November 17 , 2016 at 12 : 58 pm Cute dog , I myself have a recent addition to the family that is called Tina a bulldog of 7 months . What I find fascinating about all this is … . . the dog has a daycarecenter ! That is unheard here in Spain . That dog has better care as a youngster than I did . I 'm actually jealous . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 17 , 2016 at 2 : 34 pm Oh what we do for our pets here … ! Thank you for reading ! Yay for you and Tina ! There is something so wonderful about having a dog . Reply charlypriest says : November 18 , 2016 at 6 : 09 am She does puts me a smile on the face , although she can be a pain in the but quite a lot of times . Specially when she starts eating walls , chairs , sofas , socks , the list goes on . What a stomach this dog has , it 's bullet proof .
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Knowing nothing about blogs or blogging , I had a * great * idea this morning to start my own and write all about my dog . I considered writing a book … but would there be enough to say and would anyone care ? At least this way , I can get it all out in writing , look at what I 've got and see where it goes . We ( my husband and I ) brought home a 7 . 5 week Rottweiler puppy on January 17 , 2014 . We named her Liezel ( sounds like diesel ) , I 'll spare you the long AKC registered name . I was apprehensive because we had just gone though a painful year and a half of caring for a very sick Rottweiler , Zelda . We put her down just before her second birthday in September , 2013 , and it was heartbreaking . Zelda was my first dog , I loved her more than I knew was possible . Getting a new puppy was scary ( what if she 's sick ) and exciting ( puppies are fun and cute ) . My intention for getting a dog was not only companionship but also to compete in dog sports ( obedience , agility ) , ultimately Schutzhund . We were supposed to start puppy classes right away , but Liezel not having her 12 - week shots , I postponed classes until the " next semester " for fear she would get sick . From 8 weeks to 11 weeks , Liezel stayed home . I took a week off of work , my husband took a week off , and my retired parents stayed with her for a week during the day while we worked . Aside from hating the crate she seemed like a perfectly content pup . The neighbors came over to meet her and when she met their Rottweiler , she was in Heaven ! She took to him like he was her best friend . I wondered if she thought " Wow ! Something like me - just bigger . " I remember commenting that the neighbor 's dog looked at me with an expression of " get this mosquito away from me ! " She loved when he came over . During the 8 - to 12 - week age we had major snowfall in Michigan . We had to dig tracks in the yard for Liezel to go potty since the snow was deeper than she was tall . It was very cold and with the snow and salt we did not take her for walks . However , she went to the pet store ( I carried her ) , the vet , and my parents house for small amounts of exposure . I know , I know " 8 - to 12 - weeks is a critical time for socialization ! " My thought process was I would rather delay socialization a few weeks than take the chance of having another sick dog . At eleven weeks , Liezel started daycare . She couldn 't be with the other puppies yet because she still had a week to go for shots , but she was in the office with the employees - and out of the house . The daycare workers pointed out that she really hated being crated ( yep , we know ) . At home or daycare , while crated she would howl and cry to the point of peeing and / or pooping herself . Never was the crate used for punishment . The purpose of crating her was to create her own private space . The idea being she can go to her crate knowing that when there no one will bother her . It 's her " safe place . " In the meantime , until she realized it was her safe - place she would be crated for naps and at night . It got to the point during what should have been nap time ( she 's fallen asleep somewhere and we pick her up and put her in the crate ) she would just cry , scream and howl . I actually called the breeder and ask " what should we do ? ! " Some dogs don 't take to a crate so the advice was to just let her sleep wherever she laid down . She would still have to be crated at night since she wasn 't fully potty trained . I slept on the floor next to her for four weeks , slowly increasing the distance from her until I could get in to bed . Back to daycare , at 13 weeks she started playing with the other dogs ( shots at 12 weeks , then a week to recover ) . She played with the other puppies and came home worn out . For one hour during the day all the dogs are kenneled ( inside ) for a lunch break . Liezel was still getting three meals a day so this was her lunch and nap break . Being in the kennel alone was as bad as being crated . She would pee / poop herself and cry and howl . One day they had to bathe her because she was in such a tither she got poop all over herself . This was causing me to have some anxiety . I have a happy , healthy puppy who does not like to be crated . I start wondering ' how am I ever going to leave the house ? , ' ' how are we ever going to leave her alone ? , ' ' what have I gotten us into ? ' I talked to the trainer once we started puppy classes and she had some tips . 1 ) never let her out of the crate when she 's crying - doing so will teach her that crying gets her released . Um , she cries the whole time she 's in it . 2 ) hit a wall just outside the room where the crate is . It will get her attention and she will stop to listen . At that moment of silence go get her . 3 ) never tell her " good girl " when she 's coming out of the crate - doing so will teach her getting out is the reward . 4 ) do not show excitement when letting her out . Open the door and walk away . Getting out is not fun / exciting ; going in should be . So over the course of the next couple of months we worked on this . The living room crate for naps was removed and the bedroom crate for nighttime was moved from the foot of the bed to my side . The move would allow her to see down the hallway when she was crated when we went out . Here I should interject that " going out " meant running to the grocery store , maybe going out to dinner , or stopping by my parents ( they live two miles away ) . This wasn 't out to dinner , drinks , and a movie - or even an extended family get - together . We were gone an hour or less . When we got home the crate would be covered in drool and she would be panting . Separation anxiety ? Just complete fear of the crate ? What is the problem , here ? At five months old we stopped using the crate all together . She was locked in our bedroom by a baby gate when we went out and this was a much better solution . She was calmer and we found ( via recording ) that she would curl up on the bed and sleep while we were gone . No drooling , panting , or pacing . She also started sleeping with us at night . It seemed a better option than the nighttime crying , panting , drooling , etc . She jumped into bed , curled up , and that was that . We continued with classes . Puppy class was a great success ! She knew sit , down , shake , watch , and touch before class even started ( remember those several weeks she stayed home ? We were teaching her some stuff . ) so she was kinda the star student [ proud smile ] . By the time we got to intermediate / advanced obedience we noticed some undesirable behaviors . Also around this time , the weather had gotten better and we started taking walks where we also observed undesirable behavior . At class she began barking and attempting to run toward ( on leash ) other people . On a walk , once we got about two houses away , she would turn around pulling toward home . Her happy disposition changed to a vigilant , nervous one . If anyone came out and asked to pet her , she would shrink back and avoid being touched . When she was about 6 months old we were on a walk in the neighborhood . Approaching a driveway partially blocked by a Jeep , two remote control cars came toward us . Liezel barked and lunged at them . The cars were being run by two little boys and the adult started screaming , " Get that dog off of my property before I get my f - ing gun and shoot it . " Hmm . This seemed over - the - top . My then 6 - month old puppy , was startled by the things coming at her , and she reacted . The guy went crazy ! I pointed out to him that I was on city property and I had every right to be there . Well his threats continued so I called the police . He too called the police and was yelling " It 's a Rottweiler ! A ROTTWEILER ! " While on the phone with the police his wife approached me saying " Please , just leave . Please . " Another man in his group approached me saying , " Get out of here you bitch ! " The whole thing escalated very quickly and it really shook me and Liezel up . After this episode I became very nervous about walking Liezel . If you know anything about dogs , you know they feed off their owners ' feelings . So I 'm feeding her nervousness and anxiety by being nervous and anxious . Round and round it went . Around this time a few other things happened . We took a day trip to see the breeder and let her see Liezel . When Deb tried to pet Liezel 's head , Liezel back away . Deb asked me " You haven 't hit her have you ? " Nope . We went camping one weekend and Liezel was so frantic and worried she barked the entire time and got to the point of vomiting from nervousness . We actually took her for a car ride hoping 1 ) to calm her down and 2 ) let the other campers have some peace and quiet . She started barking and lunging at all strangers - going into and out of daycare , at agility class , on a walk , etc . All strangers . And she would freak out at the sound of any car door outside , the doorbell ( real or on TV ) , or the neighbors she could see in their house from the backyard . When I say " freaking out " she would jump up , front paws on the front door , scratching , barking , spit flying , hackles up . Most times there was nothing there . Then it would take an hour or more for her to calm down . I spoke with the trainer about all of this . She did not seem very concerned and gave the impression that Liezel could outgrow it . This was insufficient for me . I needed an action plan . We also had a guy out to our house who represented a company that used e - collars . The company came recommended to us by a family member . His presentation and explanation was really off - putting . We didn 't understand the concept and wondered how could we expect Liezel to understand if we didn 't . Additionally , he said " The dog will have to wear a muzzle in order for me to work with her . " I 'm not opposed to using a muzzle , but he made no attempt to interact with Liezel . His idea was put a muzzle on her and an e - collar and get started . Neither my husband nor I got a good feeling about this so the idea was quickly discarded . The third trainer , Lynn , taught me about thresholds . Not letting Liezel get to the point of reacting because once she was over threshold she was unable to learn . I guess it would be like trying to learn a new skill while being chased by a bear ? When something scary is happening to you , you are not in a learning frame of mind . Week after week for several months , Lynn came to our house and worked on keeping Liezel under threshold . Here 's how it started . Liezel was in the bedroom when Lynn arrived . She sat at the kitchen table while I went to get Liezel . Liezel and I came out of the bedroom one step at a time . When Liezel saw Lynn , I was to say " Good girl " give her a treat , and retreat to the bedroom . Her reward for looking and not reacting was getting to leave the scary thing / person . After weeks of this , we moved outside . Lynn would be across the street and I would walk Liezel . When Liezel looked at Lynn she was praised and treated . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the lesson was over . Lynn also gave me instructions on a dog training process that taught the dog to stay on a mat / bed / blanket while things went on around it . So day one you tell the dog " go to your mat " and treat her when she gets on it [ Liezel already knew " go to your bed " so this was not difficult to teach ] . Take one step away from the mat and come back with " good girl " and a treat . This goes on and on for weeks with progressively more difficult things like running around the dog / mat , leaving the room , opening the front door , and ringing the doorbell . When you get through the whole thing , you start all over again in a different room . We went through all of the weeks ( it took twice as long as the plan because you can 't move on to the next day if the dog gets off the mat today ) and then started the whole thing over in the backyard . Also during this time , we hired a stranger to do stranger approaches . I found a local pet walker and paid her to sit at one end of the parking lot of an empty factory building , while we , 500 feet away , tried to approach and stay under threshold . The instructions from Lynn on this exercise was to come out from behind the building and wait for Liezel to see the stranger . Once she did , " good girl " and retreat . Do it again and try to get a foot closer . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the training was over for the day . After a few months we could get about 450 feet away before Liezel reacted . I stopped taking her to agility with our original trainer . Liezel seemed to really like running the agility course , but on the sideline she would panic over the other people and dogs . It came to a point where I decided the fun of the course did not outweigh the stress of the sidelines . We talked with our vet about this , all of this . She had blood sent out to test for thyroid issues and the results came back normal . It was time to try medication . Our vet could not prescribe Prozac so we went to a recommended veterinary behaviorist who did . She put Liezel on 30mg / day . The intention of medication was to calm Liezel enough so we could continue working on training under threshold . We were becoming a bit reclusive . An entire summer went by and we never took our camper out of storage . I was avoiding any talk of vacation because I didn 't know what we would do with her . When she was 14 months old we did go on vacation and left her with our original trainer . I checked in with the trainer everyday but got vague responses . Come to find out , Liezel just paced the whole time we were gone . During said summer when we didn 't camp , I came across a trainer that I had emailed months before but never heard back from . He was a police dog trainer so I assumed my issues with Liezel probably weren 't what he was looking to work with . He had a booth set up at a city festival advertising dog training , specifically aggression . I found my original email to him , forwarded it with a note saying " Hey , just saw you at the festival . Please see my email below from several months ago and let me know if you can help . " Simply , Z says : June 18 , 2016 at 10 : 35 am Interesting thoughts . We had a puppy too but sadly parted with her because of allergies . We found a nice home for her . I could relate to your puppy " hating " her crate . I will definitely refer to your blog when we get a second chance . Keep writing . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 18 , 2016 at 11 : 40 am Thank you ! It 's been hard having a fearful dog but also very rewarding ! I hope my lessons can help some one else . Reply Tim Taylor says : June 19 , 2016 at 9 : 14 am I 've read all your posts and I have to say they are extremely interesting . My favorite breed is a Doberman , next is German Shepard and then Rottweilers . I hate little yappin ' dogs with a passion . I absolutely love Wolves and I almost got one once upon a time . For me , that would have been a dream come true . Keep writin ' , ' cause now I wanna know how Liezel progresses ! I , too , have a pooch who doesn 't like the crate idea . She does the same panting , drooling thing , plus licks her front legs into sopping appendages ! I went for the baby gate idea , as well , because it didn 't make any sense to continue to upset her so badly with the crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 24 , 2016 at 5 : 56 pm Thank you ! And thank you for following me . Liezel has been trying , but when I look into her little brown almond eyes , I know she was meant for me and me for her . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply jay1991katira says : June 28 , 2016 at 1 : 33 am Nice one , You gave me nice snaps of pet . I love dogs . thank you Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 7 , 2016 at 8 : 17 am I love dogs , too ! They 're loyal and loving . I 'm glad you like the pictures ! Reply frankprem says : July 1 , 2016 at 6 : 47 pm Gorgeous looking dog . Best luck with raising her , and much enjoyment . Cheers , Frank Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 18 , 2016 at 2 : 26 pm Thanks , Laura . I need to commit some time to writing . We 've had a house guest for two weeks and she 's exhausting ! Reply Vaibhav says : July 26 , 2016 at 6 : 26 am Hi again , thanks for stopping by . I read this post and have to say this - I 'm not a dog person at all , bit scared actually and love cats . However , Liezel looks so adorable . A missed vacation sounds terrible but am sure this phase will pass . Great blog title - it will go places . Have a nice day . Reply txhomegirl says : July 27 , 2016 at 5 : 00 pm Good blog ! I have to know what happened . I love Rotts . I 've owned two males and now own a female . She is much more skittish than my males were . Reply hadleylovesgus says : August 9 , 2016 at 12 : 36 pm I feel your pain ! We have our little yorkie , Gus , who suffers from fear of strangers as well . We are in the process of working with him now too . Thank you for writing ! I am hopeful to do a similar documentation of our journey as its been a great help to hear of other stories of people like us who are working hard to help a pup in this type of situation . Thank you ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 9 , 2016 at 5 : 42 pm I 'm so happy to be able to share this experience with you ! The anxiety and constant stress of Liezel 's fear has been tiresome . Every little accomplishment is celebrated because we 're that much closer to her being comfortable . Thank you for reading . I look forward to hearing more about Gus . LikeLike Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 10 am What a captivating story . Hats off to you for sticking with Liezel . She is truly lucky to have found you guys . We 're having some issues with our Bella ( nothing as severe as this ) and reading this makes me believe there might be hope yet 🙂 Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 14 am Hi Diya . Thanks for reading about Liezel ! Yes , there is hope ! With a good trainer and a lot of patience , improvement can be made . What is Bella doing ? Is she fearful ? Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 22 am Yes she is . Goes on full alert , growls and barks persistently when someone dares to pass by our front door . Thankfully she doesn 't lunge at anyone and sometimes I think she barks more out of fear than possessiveness of her territory . Part of it may just be us reading the signs wrong . We are first time dog owners and are only fostering her for a few weeks . She seems okay at times and just when we think she has finally acclimatized she starts up again . But she 's a sweetheart and we will be sorry to see her go . owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 2 : 54 pm I wish that just once in a while they could talk . All the best with Bella ! LikeLike Vernon says : August 27 , 2016 at 5 : 11 am Hi I 'm a passionate Rottweiler owner . I understand your lost with Zelda . When I lost my first Rott name BAR I said I would never own another dog . It took me years to get over him . Today we have our third one name Sebastian . It was my wife first time ever owning a dog . He had anxiety and tried to run our home when we first got him . I never had a crate with my first two dogs so when Nicole said he have to stay in one until we get him trained from chewing everything I wasn 't sure about it . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 27 , 2016 at 8 : 00 am Hi Vernon ! Your comment made me smile first thing this morning ! Yes , Rottweilers have special personalities . I 'm sorry for your loss of BAR . It is so very painful . Congratulations on opening your heart and home to other dogs - they really do make home a better place . For your wife , a first time male Rottweiler is a brave place to start ! According to the breeder we used , the males goes through an ownership phase where they test you to see what they can get away with . Sure , female go through terrible twos , but I guess it doesn 't compare . You mention the nervousness and insecurities - you are spot on with that ! Liezel picks up my emotions in a frighteningly accurate way . If I 'm even feeling a little off , she starts acting nervous . Maybe that 's proof that she was meant to be mine : ) . I really think that most ( if not all ) Rottweilers are big babies ! ! Liezel 's whole issue is fear , she is afraid of strangers . But the people she knows … she will do anything you tell her for a treat , she wants to lick your face and get her belly rubbed . I 'm happy that your wife loves dogs now . Shelby sounds cute - for a little dog - hahaha ! I 'm more of a big dog kinda gal . Ecohug says : September 14 , 2016 at 11 : 35 am Great post , I really enjoyed reading it and wanted to tell you that you are a great dog mom for sticking it out and really working on helping Liezel . I wanted to ask if you tried anything more natural to relieve anxiety , like herbs that are designed to relax the dog ? We had something similar ( not as bad as yours ) with our dog , Maddie , when we brought her home and giving her some herbs really helped her be calm especially in her crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : September 14 , 2016 at 12 : 55 pm Hi ! Thank you for reading about Liezel ! Yes , she gets two Chinese herbs : Shen Calmer and Chai Hu Shu Gan . Both are from our vet . We noticed HUGE improvements once we started the herbs . At one point last winter I took her off of them since she was doing pretty good and we noticed regression in her reactivity . The vet recommended putting her back on them , and again , they brought her back to a calmer , less reactive dog . Reply 200 Saturdays until Paris says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 26 pm I love what a patient and kind person you have been with your baby . I know it has been hard , but I am so happy you didn 't give up . ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 38 pm Thank you ! She she is wonderful in many , many ways . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 20 , 2016 at 5 : 14 am I 'm exhausted reading what you have been through . Also if you need to have break , Liezel should be in good hands with the breeder . I look forward to reading if it gets better for you . Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 21 , 2016 at 5 : 02 am Yes it was long , but it was very thoroughly written . I was hoping desperately that peace and harmony would reign for you , but I had to wait until now to find out . But I am very glad it has gotten better for you . Good on your parents . John Chon says : November 14 , 2016 at 7 : 06 pm Your dog is so cute ! I really liked how thorough you were in this post . I can tell that you love your dog very much . It 's so great to see loving and responsible dog owners out there 🙂 Keep up the great work ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 15 , 2016 at 4 : 43 am Hi John ! Thank you ! We think she 's pretty cute , too . I 'm very glad you enjoyed reading about Liezel . She is doing so much better . LikeLiked by 1 person charlypriest says : November 17 , 2016 at 12 : 58 pm Cute dog , I myself have a recent addition to the family that is called Tina a bulldog of 7 months . What I find fascinating about all this is … . . the dog has a daycarecenter ! That is unheard here in Spain . That dog has better care as a youngster than I did . I 'm actually jealous . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 17 , 2016 at 2 : 34 pm Oh what we do for our pets here … ! Thank you for reading ! Yay for you and Tina ! There is something so wonderful about having a dog . Reply charlypriest says : November 18 , 2016 at 6 : 09 am She does puts me a smile on the face , although she can be a pain in the but quite a lot of times . Specially when she starts eating walls , chairs , sofas , socks , the list goes on . What a stomach this dog has , it 's bullet proof .
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Knowing nothing about blogs or blogging , I had a * great * idea this morning to start my own and write all about my dog . I considered writing a book … but would there be enough to say and would anyone care ? At least this way , I can get it all out in writing , look at what I 've got and see where it goes . We ( my husband and I ) brought home a 7 . 5 week Rottweiler puppy on January 17 , 2014 . We named her Liezel ( sounds like diesel ) , I 'll spare you the long AKC registered name . I was apprehensive because we had just gone though a painful year and a half of caring for a very sick Rottweiler , Zelda . We put her down just before her second birthday in September , 2013 , and it was heartbreaking . Zelda was my first dog , I loved her more than I knew was possible . Getting a new puppy was scary ( what if she 's sick ) and exciting ( puppies are fun and cute ) . My intention for getting a dog was not only companionship but also to compete in dog sports ( obedience , agility ) , ultimately Schutzhund . We were supposed to start puppy classes right away , but Liezel not having her 12 - week shots , I postponed classes until the " next semester " for fear she would get sick . From 8 weeks to 11 weeks , Liezel stayed home . I took a week off of work , my husband took a week off , and my retired parents stayed with her for a week during the day while we worked . Aside from hating the crate she seemed like a perfectly content pup . The neighbors came over to meet her and when she met their Rottweiler , she was in Heaven ! She took to him like he was her best friend . I wondered if she thought " Wow ! Something like me - just bigger . " I remember commenting that the neighbor 's dog looked at me with an expression of " get this mosquito away from me ! " She loved when he came over . During the 8 - to 12 - week age we had major snowfall in Michigan . We had to dig tracks in the yard for Liezel to go potty since the snow was deeper than she was tall . It was very cold and with the snow and salt we did not take her for walks . However , she went to the pet store ( I carried her ) , the vet , and my parents house for small amounts of exposure . I know , I know " 8 - to 12 - weeks is a critical time for socialization ! " My thought process was I would rather delay socialization a few weeks than take the chance of having another sick dog . At eleven weeks , Liezel started daycare . She couldn 't be with the other puppies yet because she still had a week to go for shots , but she was in the office with the employees - and out of the house . The daycare workers pointed out that she really hated being crated ( yep , we know ) . At home or daycare , while crated she would howl and cry to the point of peeing and / or pooping herself . Never was the crate used for punishment . The purpose of crating her was to create her own private space . The idea being she can go to her crate knowing that when there no one will bother her . It 's her " safe place . " In the meantime , until she realized it was her safe - place she would be crated for naps and at night . It got to the point during what should have been nap time ( she 's fallen asleep somewhere and we pick her up and put her in the crate ) she would just cry , scream and howl . I actually called the breeder and ask " what should we do ? ! " Some dogs don 't take to a crate so the advice was to just let her sleep wherever she laid down . She would still have to be crated at night since she wasn 't fully potty trained . I slept on the floor next to her for four weeks , slowly increasing the distance from her until I could get in to bed . Back to daycare , at 13 weeks she started playing with the other dogs ( shots at 12 weeks , then a week to recover ) . She played with the other puppies and came home worn out . For one hour during the day all the dogs are kenneled ( inside ) for a lunch break . Liezel was still getting three meals a day so this was her lunch and nap break . Being in the kennel alone was as bad as being crated . She would pee / poop herself and cry and howl . One day they had to bathe her because she was in such a tither she got poop all over herself . This was causing me to have some anxiety . I have a happy , healthy puppy who does not like to be crated . I start wondering ' how am I ever going to leave the house ? , ' ' how are we ever going to leave her alone ? , ' ' what have I gotten us into ? ' I talked to the trainer once we started puppy classes and she had some tips . 1 ) never let her out of the crate when she 's crying - doing so will teach her that crying gets her released . Um , she cries the whole time she 's in it . 2 ) hit a wall just outside the room where the crate is . It will get her attention and she will stop to listen . At that moment of silence go get her . 3 ) never tell her " good girl " when she 's coming out of the crate - doing so will teach her getting out is the reward . 4 ) do not show excitement when letting her out . Open the door and walk away . Getting out is not fun / exciting ; going in should be . So over the course of the next couple of months we worked on this . The living room crate for naps was removed and the bedroom crate for nighttime was moved from the foot of the bed to my side . The move would allow her to see down the hallway when she was crated when we went out . Here I should interject that " going out " meant running to the grocery store , maybe going out to dinner , or stopping by my parents ( they live two miles away ) . This wasn 't out to dinner , drinks , and a movie - or even an extended family get - together . We were gone an hour or less . When we got home the crate would be covered in drool and she would be panting . Separation anxiety ? Just complete fear of the crate ? What is the problem , here ? At five months old we stopped using the crate all together . She was locked in our bedroom by a baby gate when we went out and this was a much better solution . She was calmer and we found ( via recording ) that she would curl up on the bed and sleep while we were gone . No drooling , panting , or pacing . She also started sleeping with us at night . It seemed a better option than the nighttime crying , panting , drooling , etc . She jumped into bed , curled up , and that was that . We continued with classes . Puppy class was a great success ! She knew sit , down , shake , watch , and touch before class even started ( remember those several weeks she stayed home ? We were teaching her some stuff . ) so she was kinda the star student [ proud smile ] . By the time we got to intermediate / advanced obedience we noticed some undesirable behaviors . Also around this time , the weather had gotten better and we started taking walks where we also observed undesirable behavior . At class she began barking and attempting to run toward ( on leash ) other people . On a walk , once we got about two houses away , she would turn around pulling toward home . Her happy disposition changed to a vigilant , nervous one . If anyone came out and asked to pet her , she would shrink back and avoid being touched . When she was about 6 months old we were on a walk in the neighborhood . Approaching a driveway partially blocked by a Jeep , two remote control cars came toward us . Liezel barked and lunged at them . The cars were being run by two little boys and the adult started screaming , " Get that dog off of my property before I get my f - ing gun and shoot it . " Hmm . This seemed over - the - top . My then 6 - month old puppy , was startled by the things coming at her , and she reacted . The guy went crazy ! I pointed out to him that I was on city property and I had every right to be there . Well his threats continued so I called the police . He too called the police and was yelling " It 's a Rottweiler ! A ROTTWEILER ! " While on the phone with the police his wife approached me saying " Please , just leave . Please . " Another man in his group approached me saying , " Get out of here you bitch ! " The whole thing escalated very quickly and it really shook me and Liezel up . After this episode I became very nervous about walking Liezel . If you know anything about dogs , you know they feed off their owners ' feelings . So I 'm feeding her nervousness and anxiety by being nervous and anxious . Round and round it went . Around this time a few other things happened . We took a day trip to see the breeder and let her see Liezel . When Deb tried to pet Liezel 's head , Liezel back away . Deb asked me " You haven 't hit her have you ? " Nope . We went camping one weekend and Liezel was so frantic and worried she barked the entire time and got to the point of vomiting from nervousness . We actually took her for a car ride hoping 1 ) to calm her down and 2 ) let the other campers have some peace and quiet . She started barking and lunging at all strangers - going into and out of daycare , at agility class , on a walk , etc . All strangers . And she would freak out at the sound of any car door outside , the doorbell ( real or on TV ) , or the neighbors she could see in their house from the backyard . When I say " freaking out " she would jump up , front paws on the front door , scratching , barking , spit flying , hackles up . Most times there was nothing there . Then it would take an hour or more for her to calm down . I spoke with the trainer about all of this . She did not seem very concerned and gave the impression that Liezel could outgrow it . This was insufficient for me . I needed an action plan . We also had a guy out to our house who represented a company that used e - collars . The company came recommended to us by a family member . His presentation and explanation was really off - putting . We didn 't understand the concept and wondered how could we expect Liezel to understand if we didn 't . Additionally , he said " The dog will have to wear a muzzle in order for me to work with her . " I 'm not opposed to using a muzzle , but he made no attempt to interact with Liezel . His idea was put a muzzle on her and an e - collar and get started . Neither my husband nor I got a good feeling about this so the idea was quickly discarded . The third trainer , Lynn , taught me about thresholds . Not letting Liezel get to the point of reacting because once she was over threshold she was unable to learn . I guess it would be like trying to learn a new skill while being chased by a bear ? When something scary is happening to you , you are not in a learning frame of mind . Week after week for several months , Lynn came to our house and worked on keeping Liezel under threshold . Here 's how it started . Liezel was in the bedroom when Lynn arrived . She sat at the kitchen table while I went to get Liezel . Liezel and I came out of the bedroom one step at a time . When Liezel saw Lynn , I was to say " Good girl " give her a treat , and retreat to the bedroom . Her reward for looking and not reacting was getting to leave the scary thing / person . After weeks of this , we moved outside . Lynn would be across the street and I would walk Liezel . When Liezel looked at Lynn she was praised and treated . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the lesson was over . Lynn also gave me instructions on a dog training process that taught the dog to stay on a mat / bed / blanket while things went on around it . So day one you tell the dog " go to your mat " and treat her when she gets on it [ Liezel already knew " go to your bed " so this was not difficult to teach ] . Take one step away from the mat and come back with " good girl " and a treat . This goes on and on for weeks with progressively more difficult things like running around the dog / mat , leaving the room , opening the front door , and ringing the doorbell . When you get through the whole thing , you start all over again in a different room . We went through all of the weeks ( it took twice as long as the plan because you can 't move on to the next day if the dog gets off the mat today ) and then started the whole thing over in the backyard . Also during this time , we hired a stranger to do stranger approaches . I found a local pet walker and paid her to sit at one end of the parking lot of an empty factory building , while we , 500 feet away , tried to approach and stay under threshold . The instructions from Lynn on this exercise was to come out from behind the building and wait for Liezel to see the stranger . Once she did , " good girl " and retreat . Do it again and try to get a foot closer . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the training was over for the day . After a few months we could get about 450 feet away before Liezel reacted . I stopped taking her to agility with our original trainer . Liezel seemed to really like running the agility course , but on the sideline she would panic over the other people and dogs . It came to a point where I decided the fun of the course did not outweigh the stress of the sidelines . We talked with our vet about this , all of this . She had blood sent out to test for thyroid issues and the results came back normal . It was time to try medication . Our vet could not prescribe Prozac so we went to a recommended veterinary behaviorist who did . She put Liezel on 30mg / day . The intention of medication was to calm Liezel enough so we could continue working on training under threshold . We were becoming a bit reclusive . An entire summer went by and we never took our camper out of storage . I was avoiding any talk of vacation because I didn 't know what we would do with her . When she was 14 months old we did go on vacation and left her with our original trainer . I checked in with the trainer everyday but got vague responses . Come to find out , Liezel just paced the whole time we were gone . During said summer when we didn 't camp , I came across a trainer that I had emailed months before but never heard back from . He was a police dog trainer so I assumed my issues with Liezel probably weren 't what he was looking to work with . He had a booth set up at a city festival advertising dog training , specifically aggression . I found my original email to him , forwarded it with a note saying " Hey , just saw you at the festival . Please see my email below from several months ago and let me know if you can help . " Simply , Z says : June 18 , 2016 at 10 : 35 am Interesting thoughts . We had a puppy too but sadly parted with her because of allergies . We found a nice home for her . I could relate to your puppy " hating " her crate . I will definitely refer to your blog when we get a second chance . Keep writing . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 18 , 2016 at 11 : 40 am Thank you ! It 's been hard having a fearful dog but also very rewarding ! I hope my lessons can help some one else . Reply Tim Taylor says : June 19 , 2016 at 9 : 14 am I 've read all your posts and I have to say they are extremely interesting . My favorite breed is a Doberman , next is German Shepard and then Rottweilers . I hate little yappin ' dogs with a passion . I absolutely love Wolves and I almost got one once upon a time . For me , that would have been a dream come true . Keep writin ' , ' cause now I wanna know how Liezel progresses ! I , too , have a pooch who doesn 't like the crate idea . She does the same panting , drooling thing , plus licks her front legs into sopping appendages ! I went for the baby gate idea , as well , because it didn 't make any sense to continue to upset her so badly with the crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 24 , 2016 at 5 : 56 pm Thank you ! And thank you for following me . Liezel has been trying , but when I look into her little brown almond eyes , I know she was meant for me and me for her . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply jay1991katira says : June 28 , 2016 at 1 : 33 am Nice one , You gave me nice snaps of pet . I love dogs . thank you Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 7 , 2016 at 8 : 17 am I love dogs , too ! They 're loyal and loving . I 'm glad you like the pictures ! Reply frankprem says : July 1 , 2016 at 6 : 47 pm Gorgeous looking dog . Best luck with raising her , and much enjoyment . Cheers , Frank Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 18 , 2016 at 2 : 26 pm Thanks , Laura . I need to commit some time to writing . We 've had a house guest for two weeks and she 's exhausting ! Reply Vaibhav says : July 26 , 2016 at 6 : 26 am Hi again , thanks for stopping by . I read this post and have to say this - I 'm not a dog person at all , bit scared actually and love cats . However , Liezel looks so adorable . A missed vacation sounds terrible but am sure this phase will pass . Great blog title - it will go places . Have a nice day . Reply txhomegirl says : July 27 , 2016 at 5 : 00 pm Good blog ! I have to know what happened . I love Rotts . I 've owned two males and now own a female . She is much more skittish than my males were . Reply hadleylovesgus says : August 9 , 2016 at 12 : 36 pm I feel your pain ! We have our little yorkie , Gus , who suffers from fear of strangers as well . We are in the process of working with him now too . Thank you for writing ! I am hopeful to do a similar documentation of our journey as its been a great help to hear of other stories of people like us who are working hard to help a pup in this type of situation . Thank you ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 9 , 2016 at 5 : 42 pm I 'm so happy to be able to share this experience with you ! The anxiety and constant stress of Liezel 's fear has been tiresome . Every little accomplishment is celebrated because we 're that much closer to her being comfortable . Thank you for reading . I look forward to hearing more about Gus . LikeLike Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 10 am What a captivating story . Hats off to you for sticking with Liezel . She is truly lucky to have found you guys . We 're having some issues with our Bella ( nothing as severe as this ) and reading this makes me believe there might be hope yet 🙂 Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 14 am Hi Diya . Thanks for reading about Liezel ! Yes , there is hope ! With a good trainer and a lot of patience , improvement can be made . What is Bella doing ? Is she fearful ? Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 22 am Yes she is . Goes on full alert , growls and barks persistently when someone dares to pass by our front door . Thankfully she doesn 't lunge at anyone and sometimes I think she barks more out of fear than possessiveness of her territory . Part of it may just be us reading the signs wrong . We are first time dog owners and are only fostering her for a few weeks . She seems okay at times and just when we think she has finally acclimatized she starts up again . But she 's a sweetheart and we will be sorry to see her go . owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 2 : 54 pm I wish that just once in a while they could talk . All the best with Bella ! LikeLike Vernon says : August 27 , 2016 at 5 : 11 am Hi I 'm a passionate Rottweiler owner . I understand your lost with Zelda . When I lost my first Rott name BAR I said I would never own another dog . It took me years to get over him . Today we have our third one name Sebastian . It was my wife first time ever owning a dog . He had anxiety and tried to run our home when we first got him . I never had a crate with my first two dogs so when Nicole said he have to stay in one until we get him trained from chewing everything I wasn 't sure about it . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 27 , 2016 at 8 : 00 am Hi Vernon ! Your comment made me smile first thing this morning ! Yes , Rottweilers have special personalities . I 'm sorry for your loss of BAR . It is so very painful . Congratulations on opening your heart and home to other dogs - they really do make home a better place . For your wife , a first time male Rottweiler is a brave place to start ! According to the breeder we used , the males goes through an ownership phase where they test you to see what they can get away with . Sure , female go through terrible twos , but I guess it doesn 't compare . You mention the nervousness and insecurities - you are spot on with that ! Liezel picks up my emotions in a frighteningly accurate way . If I 'm even feeling a little off , she starts acting nervous . Maybe that 's proof that she was meant to be mine : ) . I really think that most ( if not all ) Rottweilers are big babies ! ! Liezel 's whole issue is fear , she is afraid of strangers . But the people she knows … she will do anything you tell her for a treat , she wants to lick your face and get her belly rubbed . I 'm happy that your wife loves dogs now . Shelby sounds cute - for a little dog - hahaha ! I 'm more of a big dog kinda gal . Ecohug says : September 14 , 2016 at 11 : 35 am Great post , I really enjoyed reading it and wanted to tell you that you are a great dog mom for sticking it out and really working on helping Liezel . I wanted to ask if you tried anything more natural to relieve anxiety , like herbs that are designed to relax the dog ? We had something similar ( not as bad as yours ) with our dog , Maddie , when we brought her home and giving her some herbs really helped her be calm especially in her crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : September 14 , 2016 at 12 : 55 pm Hi ! Thank you for reading about Liezel ! Yes , she gets two Chinese herbs : Shen Calmer and Chai Hu Shu Gan . Both are from our vet . We noticed HUGE improvements once we started the herbs . At one point last winter I took her off of them since she was doing pretty good and we noticed regression in her reactivity . The vet recommended putting her back on them , and again , they brought her back to a calmer , less reactive dog . Reply 200 Saturdays until Paris says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 26 pm I love what a patient and kind person you have been with your baby . I know it has been hard , but I am so happy you didn 't give up . ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 38 pm Thank you ! She she is wonderful in many , many ways . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 20 , 2016 at 5 : 14 am I 'm exhausted reading what you have been through . Also if you need to have break , Liezel should be in good hands with the breeder . I look forward to reading if it gets better for you . Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 21 , 2016 at 5 : 02 am Yes it was long , but it was very thoroughly written . I was hoping desperately that peace and harmony would reign for you , but I had to wait until now to find out . But I am very glad it has gotten better for you . Good on your parents . John Chon says : November 14 , 2016 at 7 : 06 pm Your dog is so cute ! I really liked how thorough you were in this post . I can tell that you love your dog very much . It 's so great to see loving and responsible dog owners out there 🙂 Keep up the great work ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 15 , 2016 at 4 : 43 am Hi John ! Thank you ! We think she 's pretty cute , too . I 'm very glad you enjoyed reading about Liezel . She is doing so much better . LikeLiked by 1 person charlypriest says : November 17 , 2016 at 12 : 58 pm Cute dog , I myself have a recent addition to the family that is called Tina a bulldog of 7 months . What I find fascinating about all this is … . . the dog has a daycarecenter ! That is unheard here in Spain . That dog has better care as a youngster than I did . I 'm actually jealous . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 17 , 2016 at 2 : 34 pm Oh what we do for our pets here … ! Thank you for reading ! Yay for you and Tina ! There is something so wonderful about having a dog . Reply charlypriest says : November 18 , 2016 at 6 : 09 am She does puts me a smile on the face , although she can be a pain in the but quite a lot of times . Specially when she starts eating walls , chairs , sofas , socks , the list goes on . What a stomach this dog has , it 's bullet proof .
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Knowing nothing about blogs or blogging , I had a * great * idea this morning to start my own and write all about my dog . I considered writing a book … but would there be enough to say and would anyone care ? At least this way , I can get it all out in writing , look at what I 've got and see where it goes . We ( my husband and I ) brought home a 7 . 5 week Rottweiler puppy on January 17 , 2014 . We named her Liezel ( sounds like diesel ) , I 'll spare you the long AKC registered name . I was apprehensive because we had just gone though a painful year and a half of caring for a very sick Rottweiler , Zelda . We put her down just before her second birthday in September , 2013 , and it was heartbreaking . Zelda was my first dog , I loved her more than I knew was possible . Getting a new puppy was scary ( what if she 's sick ) and exciting ( puppies are fun and cute ) . My intention for getting a dog was not only companionship but also to compete in dog sports ( obedience , agility ) , ultimately Schutzhund . We were supposed to start puppy classes right away , but Liezel not having her 12 - week shots , I postponed classes until the " next semester " for fear she would get sick . From 8 weeks to 11 weeks , Liezel stayed home . I took a week off of work , my husband took a week off , and my retired parents stayed with her for a week during the day while we worked . Aside from hating the crate she seemed like a perfectly content pup . The neighbors came over to meet her and when she met their Rottweiler , she was in Heaven ! She took to him like he was her best friend . I wondered if she thought " Wow ! Something like me - just bigger . " I remember commenting that the neighbor 's dog looked at me with an expression of " get this mosquito away from me ! " She loved when he came over . During the 8 - to 12 - week age we had major snowfall in Michigan . We had to dig tracks in the yard for Liezel to go potty since the snow was deeper than she was tall . It was very cold and with the snow and salt we did not take her for walks . However , she went to the pet store ( I carried her ) , the vet , and my parents house for small amounts of exposure . I know , I know " 8 - to 12 - weeks is a critical time for socialization ! " My thought process was I would rather delay socialization a few weeks than take the chance of having another sick dog . At eleven weeks , Liezel started daycare . She couldn 't be with the other puppies yet because she still had a week to go for shots , but she was in the office with the employees - and out of the house . The daycare workers pointed out that she really hated being crated ( yep , we know ) . At home or daycare , while crated she would howl and cry to the point of peeing and / or pooping herself . Never was the crate used for punishment . The purpose of crating her was to create her own private space . The idea being she can go to her crate knowing that when there no one will bother her . It 's her " safe place . " In the meantime , until she realized it was her safe - place she would be crated for naps and at night . It got to the point during what should have been nap time ( she 's fallen asleep somewhere and we pick her up and put her in the crate ) she would just cry , scream and howl . I actually called the breeder and ask " what should we do ? ! " Some dogs don 't take to a crate so the advice was to just let her sleep wherever she laid down . She would still have to be crated at night since she wasn 't fully potty trained . I slept on the floor next to her for four weeks , slowly increasing the distance from her until I could get in to bed . Back to daycare , at 13 weeks she started playing with the other dogs ( shots at 12 weeks , then a week to recover ) . She played with the other puppies and came home worn out . For one hour during the day all the dogs are kenneled ( inside ) for a lunch break . Liezel was still getting three meals a day so this was her lunch and nap break . Being in the kennel alone was as bad as being crated . She would pee / poop herself and cry and howl . One day they had to bathe her because she was in such a tither she got poop all over herself . This was causing me to have some anxiety . I have a happy , healthy puppy who does not like to be crated . I start wondering ' how am I ever going to leave the house ? , ' ' how are we ever going to leave her alone ? , ' ' what have I gotten us into ? ' I talked to the trainer once we started puppy classes and she had some tips . 1 ) never let her out of the crate when she 's crying - doing so will teach her that crying gets her released . Um , she cries the whole time she 's in it . 2 ) hit a wall just outside the room where the crate is . It will get her attention and she will stop to listen . At that moment of silence go get her . 3 ) never tell her " good girl " when she 's coming out of the crate - doing so will teach her getting out is the reward . 4 ) do not show excitement when letting her out . Open the door and walk away . Getting out is not fun / exciting ; going in should be . So over the course of the next couple of months we worked on this . The living room crate for naps was removed and the bedroom crate for nighttime was moved from the foot of the bed to my side . The move would allow her to see down the hallway when she was crated when we went out . Here I should interject that " going out " meant running to the grocery store , maybe going out to dinner , or stopping by my parents ( they live two miles away ) . This wasn 't out to dinner , drinks , and a movie - or even an extended family get - together . We were gone an hour or less . When we got home the crate would be covered in drool and she would be panting . Separation anxiety ? Just complete fear of the crate ? What is the problem , here ? At five months old we stopped using the crate all together . She was locked in our bedroom by a baby gate when we went out and this was a much better solution . She was calmer and we found ( via recording ) that she would curl up on the bed and sleep while we were gone . No drooling , panting , or pacing . She also started sleeping with us at night . It seemed a better option than the nighttime crying , panting , drooling , etc . She jumped into bed , curled up , and that was that . We continued with classes . Puppy class was a great success ! She knew sit , down , shake , watch , and touch before class even started ( remember those several weeks she stayed home ? We were teaching her some stuff . ) so she was kinda the star student [ proud smile ] . By the time we got to intermediate / advanced obedience we noticed some undesirable behaviors . Also around this time , the weather had gotten better and we started taking walks where we also observed undesirable behavior . At class she began barking and attempting to run toward ( on leash ) other people . On a walk , once we got about two houses away , she would turn around pulling toward home . Her happy disposition changed to a vigilant , nervous one . If anyone came out and asked to pet her , she would shrink back and avoid being touched . When she was about 6 months old we were on a walk in the neighborhood . Approaching a driveway partially blocked by a Jeep , two remote control cars came toward us . Liezel barked and lunged at them . The cars were being run by two little boys and the adult started screaming , " Get that dog off of my property before I get my f - ing gun and shoot it . " Hmm . This seemed over - the - top . My then 6 - month old puppy , was startled by the things coming at her , and she reacted . The guy went crazy ! I pointed out to him that I was on city property and I had every right to be there . Well his threats continued so I called the police . He too called the police and was yelling " It 's a Rottweiler ! A ROTTWEILER ! " While on the phone with the police his wife approached me saying " Please , just leave . Please . " Another man in his group approached me saying , " Get out of here you bitch ! " The whole thing escalated very quickly and it really shook me and Liezel up . After this episode I became very nervous about walking Liezel . If you know anything about dogs , you know they feed off their owners ' feelings . So I 'm feeding her nervousness and anxiety by being nervous and anxious . Round and round it went . Around this time a few other things happened . We took a day trip to see the breeder and let her see Liezel . When Deb tried to pet Liezel 's head , Liezel back away . Deb asked me " You haven 't hit her have you ? " Nope . We went camping one weekend and Liezel was so frantic and worried she barked the entire time and got to the point of vomiting from nervousness . We actually took her for a car ride hoping 1 ) to calm her down and 2 ) let the other campers have some peace and quiet . She started barking and lunging at all strangers - going into and out of daycare , at agility class , on a walk , etc . All strangers . And she would freak out at the sound of any car door outside , the doorbell ( real or on TV ) , or the neighbors she could see in their house from the backyard . When I say " freaking out " she would jump up , front paws on the front door , scratching , barking , spit flying , hackles up . Most times there was nothing there . Then it would take an hour or more for her to calm down . I spoke with the trainer about all of this . She did not seem very concerned and gave the impression that Liezel could outgrow it . This was insufficient for me . I needed an action plan . We also had a guy out to our house who represented a company that used e - collars . The company came recommended to us by a family member . His presentation and explanation was really off - putting . We didn 't understand the concept and wondered how could we expect Liezel to understand if we didn 't . Additionally , he said " The dog will have to wear a muzzle in order for me to work with her . " I 'm not opposed to using a muzzle , but he made no attempt to interact with Liezel . His idea was put a muzzle on her and an e - collar and get started . Neither my husband nor I got a good feeling about this so the idea was quickly discarded . The third trainer , Lynn , taught me about thresholds . Not letting Liezel get to the point of reacting because once she was over threshold she was unable to learn . I guess it would be like trying to learn a new skill while being chased by a bear ? When something scary is happening to you , you are not in a learning frame of mind . Week after week for several months , Lynn came to our house and worked on keeping Liezel under threshold . Here 's how it started . Liezel was in the bedroom when Lynn arrived . She sat at the kitchen table while I went to get Liezel . Liezel and I came out of the bedroom one step at a time . When Liezel saw Lynn , I was to say " Good girl " give her a treat , and retreat to the bedroom . Her reward for looking and not reacting was getting to leave the scary thing / person . After weeks of this , we moved outside . Lynn would be across the street and I would walk Liezel . When Liezel looked at Lynn she was praised and treated . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the lesson was over . Lynn also gave me instructions on a dog training process that taught the dog to stay on a mat / bed / blanket while things went on around it . So day one you tell the dog " go to your mat " and treat her when she gets on it [ Liezel already knew " go to your bed " so this was not difficult to teach ] . Take one step away from the mat and come back with " good girl " and a treat . This goes on and on for weeks with progressively more difficult things like running around the dog / mat , leaving the room , opening the front door , and ringing the doorbell . When you get through the whole thing , you start all over again in a different room . We went through all of the weeks ( it took twice as long as the plan because you can 't move on to the next day if the dog gets off the mat today ) and then started the whole thing over in the backyard . Also during this time , we hired a stranger to do stranger approaches . I found a local pet walker and paid her to sit at one end of the parking lot of an empty factory building , while we , 500 feet away , tried to approach and stay under threshold . The instructions from Lynn on this exercise was to come out from behind the building and wait for Liezel to see the stranger . Once she did , " good girl " and retreat . Do it again and try to get a foot closer . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the training was over for the day . After a few months we could get about 450 feet away before Liezel reacted . I stopped taking her to agility with our original trainer . Liezel seemed to really like running the agility course , but on the sideline she would panic over the other people and dogs . It came to a point where I decided the fun of the course did not outweigh the stress of the sidelines . We talked with our vet about this , all of this . She had blood sent out to test for thyroid issues and the results came back normal . It was time to try medication . Our vet could not prescribe Prozac so we went to a recommended veterinary behaviorist who did . She put Liezel on 30mg / day . The intention of medication was to calm Liezel enough so we could continue working on training under threshold . We were becoming a bit reclusive . An entire summer went by and we never took our camper out of storage . I was avoiding any talk of vacation because I didn 't know what we would do with her . When she was 14 months old we did go on vacation and left her with our original trainer . I checked in with the trainer everyday but got vague responses . Come to find out , Liezel just paced the whole time we were gone . During said summer when we didn 't camp , I came across a trainer that I had emailed months before but never heard back from . He was a police dog trainer so I assumed my issues with Liezel probably weren 't what he was looking to work with . He had a booth set up at a city festival advertising dog training , specifically aggression . I found my original email to him , forwarded it with a note saying " Hey , just saw you at the festival . Please see my email below from several months ago and let me know if you can help . " Simply , Z says : June 18 , 2016 at 10 : 35 am Interesting thoughts . We had a puppy too but sadly parted with her because of allergies . We found a nice home for her . I could relate to your puppy " hating " her crate . I will definitely refer to your blog when we get a second chance . Keep writing . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 18 , 2016 at 11 : 40 am Thank you ! It 's been hard having a fearful dog but also very rewarding ! I hope my lessons can help some one else . Reply Tim Taylor says : June 19 , 2016 at 9 : 14 am I 've read all your posts and I have to say they are extremely interesting . My favorite breed is a Doberman , next is German Shepard and then Rottweilers . I hate little yappin ' dogs with a passion . I absolutely love Wolves and I almost got one once upon a time . For me , that would have been a dream come true . Keep writin ' , ' cause now I wanna know how Liezel progresses ! I , too , have a pooch who doesn 't like the crate idea . She does the same panting , drooling thing , plus licks her front legs into sopping appendages ! I went for the baby gate idea , as well , because it didn 't make any sense to continue to upset her so badly with the crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 24 , 2016 at 5 : 56 pm Thank you ! And thank you for following me . Liezel has been trying , but when I look into her little brown almond eyes , I know she was meant for me and me for her . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply jay1991katira says : June 28 , 2016 at 1 : 33 am Nice one , You gave me nice snaps of pet . I love dogs . thank you Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 7 , 2016 at 8 : 17 am I love dogs , too ! They 're loyal and loving . I 'm glad you like the pictures ! Reply frankprem says : July 1 , 2016 at 6 : 47 pm Gorgeous looking dog . Best luck with raising her , and much enjoyment . Cheers , Frank Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 18 , 2016 at 2 : 26 pm Thanks , Laura . I need to commit some time to writing . We 've had a house guest for two weeks and she 's exhausting ! Reply Vaibhav says : July 26 , 2016 at 6 : 26 am Hi again , thanks for stopping by . I read this post and have to say this - I 'm not a dog person at all , bit scared actually and love cats . However , Liezel looks so adorable . A missed vacation sounds terrible but am sure this phase will pass . Great blog title - it will go places . Have a nice day . Reply txhomegirl says : July 27 , 2016 at 5 : 00 pm Good blog ! I have to know what happened . I love Rotts . I 've owned two males and now own a female . She is much more skittish than my males were . Reply hadleylovesgus says : August 9 , 2016 at 12 : 36 pm I feel your pain ! We have our little yorkie , Gus , who suffers from fear of strangers as well . We are in the process of working with him now too . Thank you for writing ! I am hopeful to do a similar documentation of our journey as its been a great help to hear of other stories of people like us who are working hard to help a pup in this type of situation . Thank you ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 9 , 2016 at 5 : 42 pm I 'm so happy to be able to share this experience with you ! The anxiety and constant stress of Liezel 's fear has been tiresome . Every little accomplishment is celebrated because we 're that much closer to her being comfortable . Thank you for reading . I look forward to hearing more about Gus . LikeLike Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 10 am What a captivating story . Hats off to you for sticking with Liezel . She is truly lucky to have found you guys . We 're having some issues with our Bella ( nothing as severe as this ) and reading this makes me believe there might be hope yet 🙂 Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 14 am Hi Diya . Thanks for reading about Liezel ! Yes , there is hope ! With a good trainer and a lot of patience , improvement can be made . What is Bella doing ? Is she fearful ? Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 22 am Yes she is . Goes on full alert , growls and barks persistently when someone dares to pass by our front door . Thankfully she doesn 't lunge at anyone and sometimes I think she barks more out of fear than possessiveness of her territory . Part of it may just be us reading the signs wrong . We are first time dog owners and are only fostering her for a few weeks . She seems okay at times and just when we think she has finally acclimatized she starts up again . But she 's a sweetheart and we will be sorry to see her go . owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 2 : 54 pm I wish that just once in a while they could talk . All the best with Bella ! LikeLike Vernon says : August 27 , 2016 at 5 : 11 am Hi I 'm a passionate Rottweiler owner . I understand your lost with Zelda . When I lost my first Rott name BAR I said I would never own another dog . It took me years to get over him . Today we have our third one name Sebastian . It was my wife first time ever owning a dog . He had anxiety and tried to run our home when we first got him . I never had a crate with my first two dogs so when Nicole said he have to stay in one until we get him trained from chewing everything I wasn 't sure about it . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 27 , 2016 at 8 : 00 am Hi Vernon ! Your comment made me smile first thing this morning ! Yes , Rottweilers have special personalities . I 'm sorry for your loss of BAR . It is so very painful . Congratulations on opening your heart and home to other dogs - they really do make home a better place . For your wife , a first time male Rottweiler is a brave place to start ! According to the breeder we used , the males goes through an ownership phase where they test you to see what they can get away with . Sure , female go through terrible twos , but I guess it doesn 't compare . You mention the nervousness and insecurities - you are spot on with that ! Liezel picks up my emotions in a frighteningly accurate way . If I 'm even feeling a little off , she starts acting nervous . Maybe that 's proof that she was meant to be mine : ) . I really think that most ( if not all ) Rottweilers are big babies ! ! Liezel 's whole issue is fear , she is afraid of strangers . But the people she knows … she will do anything you tell her for a treat , she wants to lick your face and get her belly rubbed . I 'm happy that your wife loves dogs now . Shelby sounds cute - for a little dog - hahaha ! I 'm more of a big dog kinda gal . Ecohug says : September 14 , 2016 at 11 : 35 am Great post , I really enjoyed reading it and wanted to tell you that you are a great dog mom for sticking it out and really working on helping Liezel . I wanted to ask if you tried anything more natural to relieve anxiety , like herbs that are designed to relax the dog ? We had something similar ( not as bad as yours ) with our dog , Maddie , when we brought her home and giving her some herbs really helped her be calm especially in her crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : September 14 , 2016 at 12 : 55 pm Hi ! Thank you for reading about Liezel ! Yes , she gets two Chinese herbs : Shen Calmer and Chai Hu Shu Gan . Both are from our vet . We noticed HUGE improvements once we started the herbs . At one point last winter I took her off of them since she was doing pretty good and we noticed regression in her reactivity . The vet recommended putting her back on them , and again , they brought her back to a calmer , less reactive dog . Reply 200 Saturdays until Paris says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 26 pm I love what a patient and kind person you have been with your baby . I know it has been hard , but I am so happy you didn 't give up . ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 38 pm Thank you ! She she is wonderful in many , many ways . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 20 , 2016 at 5 : 14 am I 'm exhausted reading what you have been through . Also if you need to have break , Liezel should be in good hands with the breeder . I look forward to reading if it gets better for you . Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 21 , 2016 at 5 : 02 am Yes it was long , but it was very thoroughly written . I was hoping desperately that peace and harmony would reign for you , but I had to wait until now to find out . But I am very glad it has gotten better for you . Good on your parents . John Chon says : November 14 , 2016 at 7 : 06 pm Your dog is so cute ! I really liked how thorough you were in this post . I can tell that you love your dog very much . It 's so great to see loving and responsible dog owners out there 🙂 Keep up the great work ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 15 , 2016 at 4 : 43 am Hi John ! Thank you ! We think she 's pretty cute , too . I 'm very glad you enjoyed reading about Liezel . She is doing so much better . LikeLiked by 1 person charlypriest says : November 17 , 2016 at 12 : 58 pm Cute dog , I myself have a recent addition to the family that is called Tina a bulldog of 7 months . What I find fascinating about all this is … . . the dog has a daycarecenter ! That is unheard here in Spain . That dog has better care as a youngster than I did . I 'm actually jealous . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 17 , 2016 at 2 : 34 pm Oh what we do for our pets here … ! Thank you for reading ! Yay for you and Tina ! There is something so wonderful about having a dog . Reply charlypriest says : November 18 , 2016 at 6 : 09 am She does puts me a smile on the face , although she can be a pain in the but quite a lot of times . Specially when she starts eating walls , chairs , sofas , socks , the list goes on . What a stomach this dog has , it 's bullet proof .
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Knowing nothing about blogs or blogging , I had a * great * idea this morning to start my own and write all about my dog . I considered writing a book … but would there be enough to say and would anyone care ? At least this way , I can get it all out in writing , look at what I 've got and see where it goes . We ( my husband and I ) brought home a 7 . 5 week Rottweiler puppy on January 17 , 2014 . We named her Liezel ( sounds like diesel ) , I 'll spare you the long AKC registered name . I was apprehensive because we had just gone though a painful year and a half of caring for a very sick Rottweiler , Zelda . We put her down just before her second birthday in September , 2013 , and it was heartbreaking . Zelda was my first dog , I loved her more than I knew was possible . Getting a new puppy was scary ( what if she 's sick ) and exciting ( puppies are fun and cute ) . My intention for getting a dog was not only companionship but also to compete in dog sports ( obedience , agility ) , ultimately Schutzhund . We were supposed to start puppy classes right away , but Liezel not having her 12 - week shots , I postponed classes until the " next semester " for fear she would get sick . From 8 weeks to 11 weeks , Liezel stayed home . I took a week off of work , my husband took a week off , and my retired parents stayed with her for a week during the day while we worked . Aside from hating the crate she seemed like a perfectly content pup . The neighbors came over to meet her and when she met their Rottweiler , she was in Heaven ! She took to him like he was her best friend . I wondered if she thought " Wow ! Something like me - just bigger . " I remember commenting that the neighbor 's dog looked at me with an expression of " get this mosquito away from me ! " She loved when he came over . During the 8 - to 12 - week age we had major snowfall in Michigan . We had to dig tracks in the yard for Liezel to go potty since the snow was deeper than she was tall . It was very cold and with the snow and salt we did not take her for walks . However , she went to the pet store ( I carried her ) , the vet , and my parents house for small amounts of exposure . I know , I know " 8 - to 12 - weeks is a critical time for socialization ! " My thought process was I would rather delay socialization a few weeks than take the chance of having another sick dog . At eleven weeks , Liezel started daycare . She couldn 't be with the other puppies yet because she still had a week to go for shots , but she was in the office with the employees - and out of the house . The daycare workers pointed out that she really hated being crated ( yep , we know ) . At home or daycare , while crated she would howl and cry to the point of peeing and / or pooping herself . Never was the crate used for punishment . The purpose of crating her was to create her own private space . The idea being she can go to her crate knowing that when there no one will bother her . It 's her " safe place . " In the meantime , until she realized it was her safe - place she would be crated for naps and at night . It got to the point during what should have been nap time ( she 's fallen asleep somewhere and we pick her up and put her in the crate ) she would just cry , scream and howl . I actually called the breeder and ask " what should we do ? ! " Some dogs don 't take to a crate so the advice was to just let her sleep wherever she laid down . She would still have to be crated at night since she wasn 't fully potty trained . I slept on the floor next to her for four weeks , slowly increasing the distance from her until I could get in to bed . Back to daycare , at 13 weeks she started playing with the other dogs ( shots at 12 weeks , then a week to recover ) . She played with the other puppies and came home worn out . For one hour during the day all the dogs are kenneled ( inside ) for a lunch break . Liezel was still getting three meals a day so this was her lunch and nap break . Being in the kennel alone was as bad as being crated . She would pee / poop herself and cry and howl . One day they had to bathe her because she was in such a tither she got poop all over herself . This was causing me to have some anxiety . I have a happy , healthy puppy who does not like to be crated . I start wondering ' how am I ever going to leave the house ? , ' ' how are we ever going to leave her alone ? , ' ' what have I gotten us into ? ' I talked to the trainer once we started puppy classes and she had some tips . 1 ) never let her out of the crate when she 's crying - doing so will teach her that crying gets her released . Um , she cries the whole time she 's in it . 2 ) hit a wall just outside the room where the crate is . It will get her attention and she will stop to listen . At that moment of silence go get her . 3 ) never tell her " good girl " when she 's coming out of the crate - doing so will teach her getting out is the reward . 4 ) do not show excitement when letting her out . Open the door and walk away . Getting out is not fun / exciting ; going in should be . So over the course of the next couple of months we worked on this . The living room crate for naps was removed and the bedroom crate for nighttime was moved from the foot of the bed to my side . The move would allow her to see down the hallway when she was crated when we went out . Here I should interject that " going out " meant running to the grocery store , maybe going out to dinner , or stopping by my parents ( they live two miles away ) . This wasn 't out to dinner , drinks , and a movie - or even an extended family get - together . We were gone an hour or less . When we got home the crate would be covered in drool and she would be panting . Separation anxiety ? Just complete fear of the crate ? What is the problem , here ? At five months old we stopped using the crate all together . She was locked in our bedroom by a baby gate when we went out and this was a much better solution . She was calmer and we found ( via recording ) that she would curl up on the bed and sleep while we were gone . No drooling , panting , or pacing . She also started sleeping with us at night . It seemed a better option than the nighttime crying , panting , drooling , etc . She jumped into bed , curled up , and that was that . We continued with classes . Puppy class was a great success ! She knew sit , down , shake , watch , and touch before class even started ( remember those several weeks she stayed home ? We were teaching her some stuff . ) so she was kinda the star student [ proud smile ] . By the time we got to intermediate / advanced obedience we noticed some undesirable behaviors . Also around this time , the weather had gotten better and we started taking walks where we also observed undesirable behavior . At class she began barking and attempting to run toward ( on leash ) other people . On a walk , once we got about two houses away , she would turn around pulling toward home . Her happy disposition changed to a vigilant , nervous one . If anyone came out and asked to pet her , she would shrink back and avoid being touched . When she was about 6 months old we were on a walk in the neighborhood . Approaching a driveway partially blocked by a Jeep , two remote control cars came toward us . Liezel barked and lunged at them . The cars were being run by two little boys and the adult started screaming , " Get that dog off of my property before I get my f - ing gun and shoot it . " Hmm . This seemed over - the - top . My then 6 - month old puppy , was startled by the things coming at her , and she reacted . The guy went crazy ! I pointed out to him that I was on city property and I had every right to be there . Well his threats continued so I called the police . He too called the police and was yelling " It 's a Rottweiler ! A ROTTWEILER ! " While on the phone with the police his wife approached me saying " Please , just leave . Please . " Another man in his group approached me saying , " Get out of here you bitch ! " The whole thing escalated very quickly and it really shook me and Liezel up . After this episode I became very nervous about walking Liezel . If you know anything about dogs , you know they feed off their owners ' feelings . So I 'm feeding her nervousness and anxiety by being nervous and anxious . Round and round it went . Around this time a few other things happened . We took a day trip to see the breeder and let her see Liezel . When Deb tried to pet Liezel 's head , Liezel back away . Deb asked me " You haven 't hit her have you ? " Nope . We went camping one weekend and Liezel was so frantic and worried she barked the entire time and got to the point of vomiting from nervousness . We actually took her for a car ride hoping 1 ) to calm her down and 2 ) let the other campers have some peace and quiet . She started barking and lunging at all strangers - going into and out of daycare , at agility class , on a walk , etc . All strangers . And she would freak out at the sound of any car door outside , the doorbell ( real or on TV ) , or the neighbors she could see in their house from the backyard . When I say " freaking out " she would jump up , front paws on the front door , scratching , barking , spit flying , hackles up . Most times there was nothing there . Then it would take an hour or more for her to calm down . I spoke with the trainer about all of this . She did not seem very concerned and gave the impression that Liezel could outgrow it . This was insufficient for me . I needed an action plan . We also had a guy out to our house who represented a company that used e - collars . The company came recommended to us by a family member . His presentation and explanation was really off - putting . We didn 't understand the concept and wondered how could we expect Liezel to understand if we didn 't . Additionally , he said " The dog will have to wear a muzzle in order for me to work with her . " I 'm not opposed to using a muzzle , but he made no attempt to interact with Liezel . His idea was put a muzzle on her and an e - collar and get started . Neither my husband nor I got a good feeling about this so the idea was quickly discarded . The third trainer , Lynn , taught me about thresholds . Not letting Liezel get to the point of reacting because once she was over threshold she was unable to learn . I guess it would be like trying to learn a new skill while being chased by a bear ? When something scary is happening to you , you are not in a learning frame of mind . Week after week for several months , Lynn came to our house and worked on keeping Liezel under threshold . Here 's how it started . Liezel was in the bedroom when Lynn arrived . She sat at the kitchen table while I went to get Liezel . Liezel and I came out of the bedroom one step at a time . When Liezel saw Lynn , I was to say " Good girl " give her a treat , and retreat to the bedroom . Her reward for looking and not reacting was getting to leave the scary thing / person . After weeks of this , we moved outside . Lynn would be across the street and I would walk Liezel . When Liezel looked at Lynn she was praised and treated . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the lesson was over . Lynn also gave me instructions on a dog training process that taught the dog to stay on a mat / bed / blanket while things went on around it . So day one you tell the dog " go to your mat " and treat her when she gets on it [ Liezel already knew " go to your bed " so this was not difficult to teach ] . Take one step away from the mat and come back with " good girl " and a treat . This goes on and on for weeks with progressively more difficult things like running around the dog / mat , leaving the room , opening the front door , and ringing the doorbell . When you get through the whole thing , you start all over again in a different room . We went through all of the weeks ( it took twice as long as the plan because you can 't move on to the next day if the dog gets off the mat today ) and then started the whole thing over in the backyard . Also during this time , we hired a stranger to do stranger approaches . I found a local pet walker and paid her to sit at one end of the parking lot of an empty factory building , while we , 500 feet away , tried to approach and stay under threshold . The instructions from Lynn on this exercise was to come out from behind the building and wait for Liezel to see the stranger . Once she did , " good girl " and retreat . Do it again and try to get a foot closer . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the training was over for the day . After a few months we could get about 450 feet away before Liezel reacted . I stopped taking her to agility with our original trainer . Liezel seemed to really like running the agility course , but on the sideline she would panic over the other people and dogs . It came to a point where I decided the fun of the course did not outweigh the stress of the sidelines . We talked with our vet about this , all of this . She had blood sent out to test for thyroid issues and the results came back normal . It was time to try medication . Our vet could not prescribe Prozac so we went to a recommended veterinary behaviorist who did . She put Liezel on 30mg / day . The intention of medication was to calm Liezel enough so we could continue working on training under threshold . We were becoming a bit reclusive . An entire summer went by and we never took our camper out of storage . I was avoiding any talk of vacation because I didn 't know what we would do with her . When she was 14 months old we did go on vacation and left her with our original trainer . I checked in with the trainer everyday but got vague responses . Come to find out , Liezel just paced the whole time we were gone . During said summer when we didn 't camp , I came across a trainer that I had emailed months before but never heard back from . He was a police dog trainer so I assumed my issues with Liezel probably weren 't what he was looking to work with . He had a booth set up at a city festival advertising dog training , specifically aggression . I found my original email to him , forwarded it with a note saying " Hey , just saw you at the festival . Please see my email below from several months ago and let me know if you can help . " Simply , Z says : June 18 , 2016 at 10 : 35 am Interesting thoughts . We had a puppy too but sadly parted with her because of allergies . We found a nice home for her . I could relate to your puppy " hating " her crate . I will definitely refer to your blog when we get a second chance . Keep writing . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 18 , 2016 at 11 : 40 am Thank you ! It 's been hard having a fearful dog but also very rewarding ! I hope my lessons can help some one else . Reply Tim Taylor says : June 19 , 2016 at 9 : 14 am I 've read all your posts and I have to say they are extremely interesting . My favorite breed is a Doberman , next is German Shepard and then Rottweilers . I hate little yappin ' dogs with a passion . I absolutely love Wolves and I almost got one once upon a time . For me , that would have been a dream come true . Keep writin ' , ' cause now I wanna know how Liezel progresses ! I , too , have a pooch who doesn 't like the crate idea . She does the same panting , drooling thing , plus licks her front legs into sopping appendages ! I went for the baby gate idea , as well , because it didn 't make any sense to continue to upset her so badly with the crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 24 , 2016 at 5 : 56 pm Thank you ! And thank you for following me . Liezel has been trying , but when I look into her little brown almond eyes , I know she was meant for me and me for her . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply jay1991katira says : June 28 , 2016 at 1 : 33 am Nice one , You gave me nice snaps of pet . I love dogs . thank you Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 7 , 2016 at 8 : 17 am I love dogs , too ! They 're loyal and loving . I 'm glad you like the pictures ! Reply frankprem says : July 1 , 2016 at 6 : 47 pm Gorgeous looking dog . Best luck with raising her , and much enjoyment . Cheers , Frank Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 18 , 2016 at 2 : 26 pm Thanks , Laura . I need to commit some time to writing . We 've had a house guest for two weeks and she 's exhausting ! Reply Vaibhav says : July 26 , 2016 at 6 : 26 am Hi again , thanks for stopping by . I read this post and have to say this - I 'm not a dog person at all , bit scared actually and love cats . However , Liezel looks so adorable . A missed vacation sounds terrible but am sure this phase will pass . Great blog title - it will go places . Have a nice day . Reply txhomegirl says : July 27 , 2016 at 5 : 00 pm Good blog ! I have to know what happened . I love Rotts . I 've owned two males and now own a female . She is much more skittish than my males were . Reply hadleylovesgus says : August 9 , 2016 at 12 : 36 pm I feel your pain ! We have our little yorkie , Gus , who suffers from fear of strangers as well . We are in the process of working with him now too . Thank you for writing ! I am hopeful to do a similar documentation of our journey as its been a great help to hear of other stories of people like us who are working hard to help a pup in this type of situation . Thank you ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 9 , 2016 at 5 : 42 pm I 'm so happy to be able to share this experience with you ! The anxiety and constant stress of Liezel 's fear has been tiresome . Every little accomplishment is celebrated because we 're that much closer to her being comfortable . Thank you for reading . I look forward to hearing more about Gus . LikeLike Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 10 am What a captivating story . Hats off to you for sticking with Liezel . She is truly lucky to have found you guys . We 're having some issues with our Bella ( nothing as severe as this ) and reading this makes me believe there might be hope yet 🙂 Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 14 am Hi Diya . Thanks for reading about Liezel ! Yes , there is hope ! With a good trainer and a lot of patience , improvement can be made . What is Bella doing ? Is she fearful ? Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 22 am Yes she is . Goes on full alert , growls and barks persistently when someone dares to pass by our front door . Thankfully she doesn 't lunge at anyone and sometimes I think she barks more out of fear than possessiveness of her territory . Part of it may just be us reading the signs wrong . We are first time dog owners and are only fostering her for a few weeks . She seems okay at times and just when we think she has finally acclimatized she starts up again . But she 's a sweetheart and we will be sorry to see her go . owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 2 : 54 pm I wish that just once in a while they could talk . All the best with Bella ! LikeLike Vernon says : August 27 , 2016 at 5 : 11 am Hi I 'm a passionate Rottweiler owner . I understand your lost with Zelda . When I lost my first Rott name BAR I said I would never own another dog . It took me years to get over him . Today we have our third one name Sebastian . It was my wife first time ever owning a dog . He had anxiety and tried to run our home when we first got him . I never had a crate with my first two dogs so when Nicole said he have to stay in one until we get him trained from chewing everything I wasn 't sure about it . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 27 , 2016 at 8 : 00 am Hi Vernon ! Your comment made me smile first thing this morning ! Yes , Rottweilers have special personalities . I 'm sorry for your loss of BAR . It is so very painful . Congratulations on opening your heart and home to other dogs - they really do make home a better place . For your wife , a first time male Rottweiler is a brave place to start ! According to the breeder we used , the males goes through an ownership phase where they test you to see what they can get away with . Sure , female go through terrible twos , but I guess it doesn 't compare . You mention the nervousness and insecurities - you are spot on with that ! Liezel picks up my emotions in a frighteningly accurate way . If I 'm even feeling a little off , she starts acting nervous . Maybe that 's proof that she was meant to be mine : ) . I really think that most ( if not all ) Rottweilers are big babies ! ! Liezel 's whole issue is fear , she is afraid of strangers . But the people she knows … she will do anything you tell her for a treat , she wants to lick your face and get her belly rubbed . I 'm happy that your wife loves dogs now . Shelby sounds cute - for a little dog - hahaha ! I 'm more of a big dog kinda gal . Ecohug says : September 14 , 2016 at 11 : 35 am Great post , I really enjoyed reading it and wanted to tell you that you are a great dog mom for sticking it out and really working on helping Liezel . I wanted to ask if you tried anything more natural to relieve anxiety , like herbs that are designed to relax the dog ? We had something similar ( not as bad as yours ) with our dog , Maddie , when we brought her home and giving her some herbs really helped her be calm especially in her crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : September 14 , 2016 at 12 : 55 pm Hi ! Thank you for reading about Liezel ! Yes , she gets two Chinese herbs : Shen Calmer and Chai Hu Shu Gan . Both are from our vet . We noticed HUGE improvements once we started the herbs . At one point last winter I took her off of them since she was doing pretty good and we noticed regression in her reactivity . The vet recommended putting her back on them , and again , they brought her back to a calmer , less reactive dog . Reply 200 Saturdays until Paris says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 26 pm I love what a patient and kind person you have been with your baby . I know it has been hard , but I am so happy you didn 't give up . ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 38 pm Thank you ! She she is wonderful in many , many ways . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 20 , 2016 at 5 : 14 am I 'm exhausted reading what you have been through . Also if you need to have break , Liezel should be in good hands with the breeder . I look forward to reading if it gets better for you . Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 21 , 2016 at 5 : 02 am Yes it was long , but it was very thoroughly written . I was hoping desperately that peace and harmony would reign for you , but I had to wait until now to find out . But I am very glad it has gotten better for you . Good on your parents . John Chon says : November 14 , 2016 at 7 : 06 pm Your dog is so cute ! I really liked how thorough you were in this post . I can tell that you love your dog very much . It 's so great to see loving and responsible dog owners out there 🙂 Keep up the great work ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 15 , 2016 at 4 : 43 am Hi John ! Thank you ! We think she 's pretty cute , too . I 'm very glad you enjoyed reading about Liezel . She is doing so much better . LikeLiked by 1 person charlypriest says : November 17 , 2016 at 12 : 58 pm Cute dog , I myself have a recent addition to the family that is called Tina a bulldog of 7 months . What I find fascinating about all this is … . . the dog has a daycarecenter ! That is unheard here in Spain . That dog has better care as a youngster than I did . I 'm actually jealous . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 17 , 2016 at 2 : 34 pm Oh what we do for our pets here … ! Thank you for reading ! Yay for you and Tina ! There is something so wonderful about having a dog . Reply charlypriest says : November 18 , 2016 at 6 : 09 am She does puts me a smile on the face , although she can be a pain in the but quite a lot of times . Specially when she starts eating walls , chairs , sofas , socks , the list goes on . What a stomach this dog has , it 's bullet proof .
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Knowing nothing about blogs or blogging , I had a * great * idea this morning to start my own and write all about my dog . I considered writing a book … but would there be enough to say and would anyone care ? At least this way , I can get it all out in writing , look at what I 've got and see where it goes . We ( my husband and I ) brought home a 7 . 5 week Rottweiler puppy on January 17 , 2014 . We named her Liezel ( sounds like diesel ) , I 'll spare you the long AKC registered name . I was apprehensive because we had just gone though a painful year and a half of caring for a very sick Rottweiler , Zelda . We put her down just before her second birthday in September , 2013 , and it was heartbreaking . Zelda was my first dog , I loved her more than I knew was possible . Getting a new puppy was scary ( what if she 's sick ) and exciting ( puppies are fun and cute ) . My intention for getting a dog was not only companionship but also to compete in dog sports ( obedience , agility ) , ultimately Schutzhund . We were supposed to start puppy classes right away , but Liezel not having her 12 - week shots , I postponed classes until the " next semester " for fear she would get sick . From 8 weeks to 11 weeks , Liezel stayed home . I took a week off of work , my husband took a week off , and my retired parents stayed with her for a week during the day while we worked . Aside from hating the crate she seemed like a perfectly content pup . The neighbors came over to meet her and when she met their Rottweiler , she was in Heaven ! She took to him like he was her best friend . I wondered if she thought " Wow ! Something like me - just bigger . " I remember commenting that the neighbor 's dog looked at me with an expression of " get this mosquito away from me ! " She loved when he came over . During the 8 - to 12 - week age we had major snowfall in Michigan . We had to dig tracks in the yard for Liezel to go potty since the snow was deeper than she was tall . It was very cold and with the snow and salt we did not take her for walks . However , she went to the pet store ( I carried her ) , the vet , and my parents house for small amounts of exposure . I know , I know " 8 - to 12 - weeks is a critical time for socialization ! " My thought process was I would rather delay socialization a few weeks than take the chance of having another sick dog . At eleven weeks , Liezel started daycare . She couldn 't be with the other puppies yet because she still had a week to go for shots , but she was in the office with the employees - and out of the house . The daycare workers pointed out that she really hated being crated ( yep , we know ) . At home or daycare , while crated she would howl and cry to the point of peeing and / or pooping herself . Never was the crate used for punishment . The purpose of crating her was to create her own private space . The idea being she can go to her crate knowing that when there no one will bother her . It 's her " safe place . " In the meantime , until she realized it was her safe - place she would be crated for naps and at night . It got to the point during what should have been nap time ( she 's fallen asleep somewhere and we pick her up and put her in the crate ) she would just cry , scream and howl . I actually called the breeder and ask " what should we do ? ! " Some dogs don 't take to a crate so the advice was to just let her sleep wherever she laid down . She would still have to be crated at night since she wasn 't fully potty trained . I slept on the floor next to her for four weeks , slowly increasing the distance from her until I could get in to bed . Back to daycare , at 13 weeks she started playing with the other dogs ( shots at 12 weeks , then a week to recover ) . She played with the other puppies and came home worn out . For one hour during the day all the dogs are kenneled ( inside ) for a lunch break . Liezel was still getting three meals a day so this was her lunch and nap break . Being in the kennel alone was as bad as being crated . She would pee / poop herself and cry and howl . One day they had to bathe her because she was in such a tither she got poop all over herself . This was causing me to have some anxiety . I have a happy , healthy puppy who does not like to be crated . I start wondering ' how am I ever going to leave the house ? , ' ' how are we ever going to leave her alone ? , ' ' what have I gotten us into ? ' I talked to the trainer once we started puppy classes and she had some tips . 1 ) never let her out of the crate when she 's crying - doing so will teach her that crying gets her released . Um , she cries the whole time she 's in it . 2 ) hit a wall just outside the room where the crate is . It will get her attention and she will stop to listen . At that moment of silence go get her . 3 ) never tell her " good girl " when she 's coming out of the crate - doing so will teach her getting out is the reward . 4 ) do not show excitement when letting her out . Open the door and walk away . Getting out is not fun / exciting ; going in should be . So over the course of the next couple of months we worked on this . The living room crate for naps was removed and the bedroom crate for nighttime was moved from the foot of the bed to my side . The move would allow her to see down the hallway when she was crated when we went out . Here I should interject that " going out " meant running to the grocery store , maybe going out to dinner , or stopping by my parents ( they live two miles away ) . This wasn 't out to dinner , drinks , and a movie - or even an extended family get - together . We were gone an hour or less . When we got home the crate would be covered in drool and she would be panting . Separation anxiety ? Just complete fear of the crate ? What is the problem , here ? At five months old we stopped using the crate all together . She was locked in our bedroom by a baby gate when we went out and this was a much better solution . She was calmer and we found ( via recording ) that she would curl up on the bed and sleep while we were gone . No drooling , panting , or pacing . She also started sleeping with us at night . It seemed a better option than the nighttime crying , panting , drooling , etc . She jumped into bed , curled up , and that was that . We continued with classes . Puppy class was a great success ! She knew sit , down , shake , watch , and touch before class even started ( remember those several weeks she stayed home ? We were teaching her some stuff . ) so she was kinda the star student [ proud smile ] . By the time we got to intermediate / advanced obedience we noticed some undesirable behaviors . Also around this time , the weather had gotten better and we started taking walks where we also observed undesirable behavior . At class she began barking and attempting to run toward ( on leash ) other people . On a walk , once we got about two houses away , she would turn around pulling toward home . Her happy disposition changed to a vigilant , nervous one . If anyone came out and asked to pet her , she would shrink back and avoid being touched . When she was about 6 months old we were on a walk in the neighborhood . Approaching a driveway partially blocked by a Jeep , two remote control cars came toward us . Liezel barked and lunged at them . The cars were being run by two little boys and the adult started screaming , " Get that dog off of my property before I get my f - ing gun and shoot it . " Hmm . This seemed over - the - top . My then 6 - month old puppy , was startled by the things coming at her , and she reacted . The guy went crazy ! I pointed out to him that I was on city property and I had every right to be there . Well his threats continued so I called the police . He too called the police and was yelling " It 's a Rottweiler ! A ROTTWEILER ! " While on the phone with the police his wife approached me saying " Please , just leave . Please . " Another man in his group approached me saying , " Get out of here you bitch ! " The whole thing escalated very quickly and it really shook me and Liezel up . After this episode I became very nervous about walking Liezel . If you know anything about dogs , you know they feed off their owners ' feelings . So I 'm feeding her nervousness and anxiety by being nervous and anxious . Round and round it went . Around this time a few other things happened . We took a day trip to see the breeder and let her see Liezel . When Deb tried to pet Liezel 's head , Liezel back away . Deb asked me " You haven 't hit her have you ? " Nope . We went camping one weekend and Liezel was so frantic and worried she barked the entire time and got to the point of vomiting from nervousness . We actually took her for a car ride hoping 1 ) to calm her down and 2 ) let the other campers have some peace and quiet . She started barking and lunging at all strangers - going into and out of daycare , at agility class , on a walk , etc . All strangers . And she would freak out at the sound of any car door outside , the doorbell ( real or on TV ) , or the neighbors she could see in their house from the backyard . When I say " freaking out " she would jump up , front paws on the front door , scratching , barking , spit flying , hackles up . Most times there was nothing there . Then it would take an hour or more for her to calm down . I spoke with the trainer about all of this . She did not seem very concerned and gave the impression that Liezel could outgrow it . This was insufficient for me . I needed an action plan . We also had a guy out to our house who represented a company that used e - collars . The company came recommended to us by a family member . His presentation and explanation was really off - putting . We didn 't understand the concept and wondered how could we expect Liezel to understand if we didn 't . Additionally , he said " The dog will have to wear a muzzle in order for me to work with her . " I 'm not opposed to using a muzzle , but he made no attempt to interact with Liezel . His idea was put a muzzle on her and an e - collar and get started . Neither my husband nor I got a good feeling about this so the idea was quickly discarded . The third trainer , Lynn , taught me about thresholds . Not letting Liezel get to the point of reacting because once she was over threshold she was unable to learn . I guess it would be like trying to learn a new skill while being chased by a bear ? When something scary is happening to you , you are not in a learning frame of mind . Week after week for several months , Lynn came to our house and worked on keeping Liezel under threshold . Here 's how it started . Liezel was in the bedroom when Lynn arrived . She sat at the kitchen table while I went to get Liezel . Liezel and I came out of the bedroom one step at a time . When Liezel saw Lynn , I was to say " Good girl " give her a treat , and retreat to the bedroom . Her reward for looking and not reacting was getting to leave the scary thing / person . After weeks of this , we moved outside . Lynn would be across the street and I would walk Liezel . When Liezel looked at Lynn she was praised and treated . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the lesson was over . Lynn also gave me instructions on a dog training process that taught the dog to stay on a mat / bed / blanket while things went on around it . So day one you tell the dog " go to your mat " and treat her when she gets on it [ Liezel already knew " go to your bed " so this was not difficult to teach ] . Take one step away from the mat and come back with " good girl " and a treat . This goes on and on for weeks with progressively more difficult things like running around the dog / mat , leaving the room , opening the front door , and ringing the doorbell . When you get through the whole thing , you start all over again in a different room . We went through all of the weeks ( it took twice as long as the plan because you can 't move on to the next day if the dog gets off the mat today ) and then started the whole thing over in the backyard . Also during this time , we hired a stranger to do stranger approaches . I found a local pet walker and paid her to sit at one end of the parking lot of an empty factory building , while we , 500 feet away , tried to approach and stay under threshold . The instructions from Lynn on this exercise was to come out from behind the building and wait for Liezel to see the stranger . Once she did , " good girl " and retreat . Do it again and try to get a foot closer . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the training was over for the day . After a few months we could get about 450 feet away before Liezel reacted . I stopped taking her to agility with our original trainer . Liezel seemed to really like running the agility course , but on the sideline she would panic over the other people and dogs . It came to a point where I decided the fun of the course did not outweigh the stress of the sidelines . We talked with our vet about this , all of this . She had blood sent out to test for thyroid issues and the results came back normal . It was time to try medication . Our vet could not prescribe Prozac so we went to a recommended veterinary behaviorist who did . She put Liezel on 30mg / day . The intention of medication was to calm Liezel enough so we could continue working on training under threshold . We were becoming a bit reclusive . An entire summer went by and we never took our camper out of storage . I was avoiding any talk of vacation because I didn 't know what we would do with her . When she was 14 months old we did go on vacation and left her with our original trainer . I checked in with the trainer everyday but got vague responses . Come to find out , Liezel just paced the whole time we were gone . During said summer when we didn 't camp , I came across a trainer that I had emailed months before but never heard back from . He was a police dog trainer so I assumed my issues with Liezel probably weren 't what he was looking to work with . He had a booth set up at a city festival advertising dog training , specifically aggression . I found my original email to him , forwarded it with a note saying " Hey , just saw you at the festival . Please see my email below from several months ago and let me know if you can help . " Simply , Z says : June 18 , 2016 at 10 : 35 am Interesting thoughts . We had a puppy too but sadly parted with her because of allergies . We found a nice home for her . I could relate to your puppy " hating " her crate . I will definitely refer to your blog when we get a second chance . Keep writing . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 18 , 2016 at 11 : 40 am Thank you ! It 's been hard having a fearful dog but also very rewarding ! I hope my lessons can help some one else . Reply Tim Taylor says : June 19 , 2016 at 9 : 14 am I 've read all your posts and I have to say they are extremely interesting . My favorite breed is a Doberman , next is German Shepard and then Rottweilers . I hate little yappin ' dogs with a passion . I absolutely love Wolves and I almost got one once upon a time . For me , that would have been a dream come true . Keep writin ' , ' cause now I wanna know how Liezel progresses ! I , too , have a pooch who doesn 't like the crate idea . She does the same panting , drooling thing , plus licks her front legs into sopping appendages ! I went for the baby gate idea , as well , because it didn 't make any sense to continue to upset her so badly with the crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 24 , 2016 at 5 : 56 pm Thank you ! And thank you for following me . Liezel has been trying , but when I look into her little brown almond eyes , I know she was meant for me and me for her . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply jay1991katira says : June 28 , 2016 at 1 : 33 am Nice one , You gave me nice snaps of pet . I love dogs . thank you Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 7 , 2016 at 8 : 17 am I love dogs , too ! They 're loyal and loving . I 'm glad you like the pictures ! Reply frankprem says : July 1 , 2016 at 6 : 47 pm Gorgeous looking dog . Best luck with raising her , and much enjoyment . Cheers , Frank Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 18 , 2016 at 2 : 26 pm Thanks , Laura . I need to commit some time to writing . We 've had a house guest for two weeks and she 's exhausting ! Reply Vaibhav says : July 26 , 2016 at 6 : 26 am Hi again , thanks for stopping by . I read this post and have to say this - I 'm not a dog person at all , bit scared actually and love cats . However , Liezel looks so adorable . A missed vacation sounds terrible but am sure this phase will pass . Great blog title - it will go places . Have a nice day . Reply txhomegirl says : July 27 , 2016 at 5 : 00 pm Good blog ! I have to know what happened . I love Rotts . I 've owned two males and now own a female . She is much more skittish than my males were . Reply hadleylovesgus says : August 9 , 2016 at 12 : 36 pm I feel your pain ! We have our little yorkie , Gus , who suffers from fear of strangers as well . We are in the process of working with him now too . Thank you for writing ! I am hopeful to do a similar documentation of our journey as its been a great help to hear of other stories of people like us who are working hard to help a pup in this type of situation . Thank you ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 9 , 2016 at 5 : 42 pm I 'm so happy to be able to share this experience with you ! The anxiety and constant stress of Liezel 's fear has been tiresome . Every little accomplishment is celebrated because we 're that much closer to her being comfortable . Thank you for reading . I look forward to hearing more about Gus . LikeLike Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 10 am What a captivating story . Hats off to you for sticking with Liezel . She is truly lucky to have found you guys . We 're having some issues with our Bella ( nothing as severe as this ) and reading this makes me believe there might be hope yet 🙂 Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 14 am Hi Diya . Thanks for reading about Liezel ! Yes , there is hope ! With a good trainer and a lot of patience , improvement can be made . What is Bella doing ? Is she fearful ? Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 22 am Yes she is . Goes on full alert , growls and barks persistently when someone dares to pass by our front door . Thankfully she doesn 't lunge at anyone and sometimes I think she barks more out of fear than possessiveness of her territory . Part of it may just be us reading the signs wrong . We are first time dog owners and are only fostering her for a few weeks . She seems okay at times and just when we think she has finally acclimatized she starts up again . But she 's a sweetheart and we will be sorry to see her go . owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 2 : 54 pm I wish that just once in a while they could talk . All the best with Bella ! LikeLike Vernon says : August 27 , 2016 at 5 : 11 am Hi I 'm a passionate Rottweiler owner . I understand your lost with Zelda . When I lost my first Rott name BAR I said I would never own another dog . It took me years to get over him . Today we have our third one name Sebastian . It was my wife first time ever owning a dog . He had anxiety and tried to run our home when we first got him . I never had a crate with my first two dogs so when Nicole said he have to stay in one until we get him trained from chewing everything I wasn 't sure about it . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 27 , 2016 at 8 : 00 am Hi Vernon ! Your comment made me smile first thing this morning ! Yes , Rottweilers have special personalities . I 'm sorry for your loss of BAR . It is so very painful . Congratulations on opening your heart and home to other dogs - they really do make home a better place . For your wife , a first time male Rottweiler is a brave place to start ! According to the breeder we used , the males goes through an ownership phase where they test you to see what they can get away with . Sure , female go through terrible twos , but I guess it doesn 't compare . You mention the nervousness and insecurities - you are spot on with that ! Liezel picks up my emotions in a frighteningly accurate way . If I 'm even feeling a little off , she starts acting nervous . Maybe that 's proof that she was meant to be mine : ) . I really think that most ( if not all ) Rottweilers are big babies ! ! Liezel 's whole issue is fear , she is afraid of strangers . But the people she knows … she will do anything you tell her for a treat , she wants to lick your face and get her belly rubbed . I 'm happy that your wife loves dogs now . Shelby sounds cute - for a little dog - hahaha ! I 'm more of a big dog kinda gal . Ecohug says : September 14 , 2016 at 11 : 35 am Great post , I really enjoyed reading it and wanted to tell you that you are a great dog mom for sticking it out and really working on helping Liezel . I wanted to ask if you tried anything more natural to relieve anxiety , like herbs that are designed to relax the dog ? We had something similar ( not as bad as yours ) with our dog , Maddie , when we brought her home and giving her some herbs really helped her be calm especially in her crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : September 14 , 2016 at 12 : 55 pm Hi ! Thank you for reading about Liezel ! Yes , she gets two Chinese herbs : Shen Calmer and Chai Hu Shu Gan . Both are from our vet . We noticed HUGE improvements once we started the herbs . At one point last winter I took her off of them since she was doing pretty good and we noticed regression in her reactivity . The vet recommended putting her back on them , and again , they brought her back to a calmer , less reactive dog . Reply 200 Saturdays until Paris says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 26 pm I love what a patient and kind person you have been with your baby . I know it has been hard , but I am so happy you didn 't give up . ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 38 pm Thank you ! She she is wonderful in many , many ways . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 20 , 2016 at 5 : 14 am I 'm exhausted reading what you have been through . Also if you need to have break , Liezel should be in good hands with the breeder . I look forward to reading if it gets better for you . Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 21 , 2016 at 5 : 02 am Yes it was long , but it was very thoroughly written . I was hoping desperately that peace and harmony would reign for you , but I had to wait until now to find out . But I am very glad it has gotten better for you . Good on your parents . John Chon says : November 14 , 2016 at 7 : 06 pm Your dog is so cute ! I really liked how thorough you were in this post . I can tell that you love your dog very much . It 's so great to see loving and responsible dog owners out there 🙂 Keep up the great work ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 15 , 2016 at 4 : 43 am Hi John ! Thank you ! We think she 's pretty cute , too . I 'm very glad you enjoyed reading about Liezel . She is doing so much better . LikeLiked by 1 person charlypriest says : November 17 , 2016 at 12 : 58 pm Cute dog , I myself have a recent addition to the family that is called Tina a bulldog of 7 months . What I find fascinating about all this is … . . the dog has a daycarecenter ! That is unheard here in Spain . That dog has better care as a youngster than I did . I 'm actually jealous . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 17 , 2016 at 2 : 34 pm Oh what we do for our pets here … ! Thank you for reading ! Yay for you and Tina ! There is something so wonderful about having a dog . Reply charlypriest says : November 18 , 2016 at 6 : 09 am She does puts me a smile on the face , although she can be a pain in the but quite a lot of times . Specially when she starts eating walls , chairs , sofas , socks , the list goes on . What a stomach this dog has , it 's bullet proof .
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Knowing nothing about blogs or blogging , I had a * great * idea this morning to start my own and write all about my dog . I considered writing a book … but would there be enough to say and would anyone care ? At least this way , I can get it all out in writing , look at what I 've got and see where it goes . We ( my husband and I ) brought home a 7 . 5 week Rottweiler puppy on January 17 , 2014 . We named her Liezel ( sounds like diesel ) , I 'll spare you the long AKC registered name . I was apprehensive because we had just gone though a painful year and a half of caring for a very sick Rottweiler , Zelda . We put her down just before her second birthday in September , 2013 , and it was heartbreaking . Zelda was my first dog , I loved her more than I knew was possible . Getting a new puppy was scary ( what if she 's sick ) and exciting ( puppies are fun and cute ) . My intention for getting a dog was not only companionship but also to compete in dog sports ( obedience , agility ) , ultimately Schutzhund . We were supposed to start puppy classes right away , but Liezel not having her 12 - week shots , I postponed classes until the " next semester " for fear she would get sick . From 8 weeks to 11 weeks , Liezel stayed home . I took a week off of work , my husband took a week off , and my retired parents stayed with her for a week during the day while we worked . Aside from hating the crate she seemed like a perfectly content pup . The neighbors came over to meet her and when she met their Rottweiler , she was in Heaven ! She took to him like he was her best friend . I wondered if she thought " Wow ! Something like me - just bigger . " I remember commenting that the neighbor 's dog looked at me with an expression of " get this mosquito away from me ! " She loved when he came over . During the 8 - to 12 - week age we had major snowfall in Michigan . We had to dig tracks in the yard for Liezel to go potty since the snow was deeper than she was tall . It was very cold and with the snow and salt we did not take her for walks . However , she went to the pet store ( I carried her ) , the vet , and my parents house for small amounts of exposure . I know , I know " 8 - to 12 - weeks is a critical time for socialization ! " My thought process was I would rather delay socialization a few weeks than take the chance of having another sick dog . At eleven weeks , Liezel started daycare . She couldn 't be with the other puppies yet because she still had a week to go for shots , but she was in the office with the employees - and out of the house . The daycare workers pointed out that she really hated being crated ( yep , we know ) . At home or daycare , while crated she would howl and cry to the point of peeing and / or pooping herself . Never was the crate used for punishment . The purpose of crating her was to create her own private space . The idea being she can go to her crate knowing that when there no one will bother her . It 's her " safe place . " In the meantime , until she realized it was her safe - place she would be crated for naps and at night . It got to the point during what should have been nap time ( she 's fallen asleep somewhere and we pick her up and put her in the crate ) she would just cry , scream and howl . I actually called the breeder and ask " what should we do ? ! " Some dogs don 't take to a crate so the advice was to just let her sleep wherever she laid down . She would still have to be crated at night since she wasn 't fully potty trained . I slept on the floor next to her for four weeks , slowly increasing the distance from her until I could get in to bed . Back to daycare , at 13 weeks she started playing with the other dogs ( shots at 12 weeks , then a week to recover ) . She played with the other puppies and came home worn out . For one hour during the day all the dogs are kenneled ( inside ) for a lunch break . Liezel was still getting three meals a day so this was her lunch and nap break . Being in the kennel alone was as bad as being crated . She would pee / poop herself and cry and howl . One day they had to bathe her because she was in such a tither she got poop all over herself . This was causing me to have some anxiety . I have a happy , healthy puppy who does not like to be crated . I start wondering ' how am I ever going to leave the house ? , ' ' how are we ever going to leave her alone ? , ' ' what have I gotten us into ? ' I talked to the trainer once we started puppy classes and she had some tips . 1 ) never let her out of the crate when she 's crying - doing so will teach her that crying gets her released . Um , she cries the whole time she 's in it . 2 ) hit a wall just outside the room where the crate is . It will get her attention and she will stop to listen . At that moment of silence go get her . 3 ) never tell her " good girl " when she 's coming out of the crate - doing so will teach her getting out is the reward . 4 ) do not show excitement when letting her out . Open the door and walk away . Getting out is not fun / exciting ; going in should be . So over the course of the next couple of months we worked on this . The living room crate for naps was removed and the bedroom crate for nighttime was moved from the foot of the bed to my side . The move would allow her to see down the hallway when she was crated when we went out . Here I should interject that " going out " meant running to the grocery store , maybe going out to dinner , or stopping by my parents ( they live two miles away ) . This wasn 't out to dinner , drinks , and a movie - or even an extended family get - together . We were gone an hour or less . When we got home the crate would be covered in drool and she would be panting . Separation anxiety ? Just complete fear of the crate ? What is the problem , here ? At five months old we stopped using the crate all together . She was locked in our bedroom by a baby gate when we went out and this was a much better solution . She was calmer and we found ( via recording ) that she would curl up on the bed and sleep while we were gone . No drooling , panting , or pacing . She also started sleeping with us at night . It seemed a better option than the nighttime crying , panting , drooling , etc . She jumped into bed , curled up , and that was that . We continued with classes . Puppy class was a great success ! She knew sit , down , shake , watch , and touch before class even started ( remember those several weeks she stayed home ? We were teaching her some stuff . ) so she was kinda the star student [ proud smile ] . By the time we got to intermediate / advanced obedience we noticed some undesirable behaviors . Also around this time , the weather had gotten better and we started taking walks where we also observed undesirable behavior . At class she began barking and attempting to run toward ( on leash ) other people . On a walk , once we got about two houses away , she would turn around pulling toward home . Her happy disposition changed to a vigilant , nervous one . If anyone came out and asked to pet her , she would shrink back and avoid being touched . When she was about 6 months old we were on a walk in the neighborhood . Approaching a driveway partially blocked by a Jeep , two remote control cars came toward us . Liezel barked and lunged at them . The cars were being run by two little boys and the adult started screaming , " Get that dog off of my property before I get my f - ing gun and shoot it . " Hmm . This seemed over - the - top . My then 6 - month old puppy , was startled by the things coming at her , and she reacted . The guy went crazy ! I pointed out to him that I was on city property and I had every right to be there . Well his threats continued so I called the police . He too called the police and was yelling " It 's a Rottweiler ! A ROTTWEILER ! " While on the phone with the police his wife approached me saying " Please , just leave . Please . " Another man in his group approached me saying , " Get out of here you bitch ! " The whole thing escalated very quickly and it really shook me and Liezel up . After this episode I became very nervous about walking Liezel . If you know anything about dogs , you know they feed off their owners ' feelings . So I 'm feeding her nervousness and anxiety by being nervous and anxious . Round and round it went . Around this time a few other things happened . We took a day trip to see the breeder and let her see Liezel . When Deb tried to pet Liezel 's head , Liezel back away . Deb asked me " You haven 't hit her have you ? " Nope . We went camping one weekend and Liezel was so frantic and worried she barked the entire time and got to the point of vomiting from nervousness . We actually took her for a car ride hoping 1 ) to calm her down and 2 ) let the other campers have some peace and quiet . She started barking and lunging at all strangers - going into and out of daycare , at agility class , on a walk , etc . All strangers . And she would freak out at the sound of any car door outside , the doorbell ( real or on TV ) , or the neighbors she could see in their house from the backyard . When I say " freaking out " she would jump up , front paws on the front door , scratching , barking , spit flying , hackles up . Most times there was nothing there . Then it would take an hour or more for her to calm down . I spoke with the trainer about all of this . She did not seem very concerned and gave the impression that Liezel could outgrow it . This was insufficient for me . I needed an action plan . We also had a guy out to our house who represented a company that used e - collars . The company came recommended to us by a family member . His presentation and explanation was really off - putting . We didn 't understand the concept and wondered how could we expect Liezel to understand if we didn 't . Additionally , he said " The dog will have to wear a muzzle in order for me to work with her . " I 'm not opposed to using a muzzle , but he made no attempt to interact with Liezel . His idea was put a muzzle on her and an e - collar and get started . Neither my husband nor I got a good feeling about this so the idea was quickly discarded . The third trainer , Lynn , taught me about thresholds . Not letting Liezel get to the point of reacting because once she was over threshold she was unable to learn . I guess it would be like trying to learn a new skill while being chased by a bear ? When something scary is happening to you , you are not in a learning frame of mind . Week after week for several months , Lynn came to our house and worked on keeping Liezel under threshold . Here 's how it started . Liezel was in the bedroom when Lynn arrived . She sat at the kitchen table while I went to get Liezel . Liezel and I came out of the bedroom one step at a time . When Liezel saw Lynn , I was to say " Good girl " give her a treat , and retreat to the bedroom . Her reward for looking and not reacting was getting to leave the scary thing / person . After weeks of this , we moved outside . Lynn would be across the street and I would walk Liezel . When Liezel looked at Lynn she was praised and treated . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the lesson was over . Lynn also gave me instructions on a dog training process that taught the dog to stay on a mat / bed / blanket while things went on around it . So day one you tell the dog " go to your mat " and treat her when she gets on it [ Liezel already knew " go to your bed " so this was not difficult to teach ] . Take one step away from the mat and come back with " good girl " and a treat . This goes on and on for weeks with progressively more difficult things like running around the dog / mat , leaving the room , opening the front door , and ringing the doorbell . When you get through the whole thing , you start all over again in a different room . We went through all of the weeks ( it took twice as long as the plan because you can 't move on to the next day if the dog gets off the mat today ) and then started the whole thing over in the backyard . Also during this time , we hired a stranger to do stranger approaches . I found a local pet walker and paid her to sit at one end of the parking lot of an empty factory building , while we , 500 feet away , tried to approach and stay under threshold . The instructions from Lynn on this exercise was to come out from behind the building and wait for Liezel to see the stranger . Once she did , " good girl " and retreat . Do it again and try to get a foot closer . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the training was over for the day . After a few months we could get about 450 feet away before Liezel reacted . I stopped taking her to agility with our original trainer . Liezel seemed to really like running the agility course , but on the sideline she would panic over the other people and dogs . It came to a point where I decided the fun of the course did not outweigh the stress of the sidelines . We talked with our vet about this , all of this . She had blood sent out to test for thyroid issues and the results came back normal . It was time to try medication . Our vet could not prescribe Prozac so we went to a recommended veterinary behaviorist who did . She put Liezel on 30mg / day . The intention of medication was to calm Liezel enough so we could continue working on training under threshold . We were becoming a bit reclusive . An entire summer went by and we never took our camper out of storage . I was avoiding any talk of vacation because I didn 't know what we would do with her . When she was 14 months old we did go on vacation and left her with our original trainer . I checked in with the trainer everyday but got vague responses . Come to find out , Liezel just paced the whole time we were gone . During said summer when we didn 't camp , I came across a trainer that I had emailed months before but never heard back from . He was a police dog trainer so I assumed my issues with Liezel probably weren 't what he was looking to work with . He had a booth set up at a city festival advertising dog training , specifically aggression . I found my original email to him , forwarded it with a note saying " Hey , just saw you at the festival . Please see my email below from several months ago and let me know if you can help . " Simply , Z says : June 18 , 2016 at 10 : 35 am Interesting thoughts . We had a puppy too but sadly parted with her because of allergies . We found a nice home for her . I could relate to your puppy " hating " her crate . I will definitely refer to your blog when we get a second chance . Keep writing . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 18 , 2016 at 11 : 40 am Thank you ! It 's been hard having a fearful dog but also very rewarding ! I hope my lessons can help some one else . Reply Tim Taylor says : June 19 , 2016 at 9 : 14 am I 've read all your posts and I have to say they are extremely interesting . My favorite breed is a Doberman , next is German Shepard and then Rottweilers . I hate little yappin ' dogs with a passion . I absolutely love Wolves and I almost got one once upon a time . For me , that would have been a dream come true . Keep writin ' , ' cause now I wanna know how Liezel progresses ! I , too , have a pooch who doesn 't like the crate idea . She does the same panting , drooling thing , plus licks her front legs into sopping appendages ! I went for the baby gate idea , as well , because it didn 't make any sense to continue to upset her so badly with the crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 24 , 2016 at 5 : 56 pm Thank you ! And thank you for following me . Liezel has been trying , but when I look into her little brown almond eyes , I know she was meant for me and me for her . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply jay1991katira says : June 28 , 2016 at 1 : 33 am Nice one , You gave me nice snaps of pet . I love dogs . thank you Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 7 , 2016 at 8 : 17 am I love dogs , too ! They 're loyal and loving . I 'm glad you like the pictures ! Reply frankprem says : July 1 , 2016 at 6 : 47 pm Gorgeous looking dog . Best luck with raising her , and much enjoyment . Cheers , Frank Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 18 , 2016 at 2 : 26 pm Thanks , Laura . I need to commit some time to writing . We 've had a house guest for two weeks and she 's exhausting ! Reply Vaibhav says : July 26 , 2016 at 6 : 26 am Hi again , thanks for stopping by . I read this post and have to say this - I 'm not a dog person at all , bit scared actually and love cats . However , Liezel looks so adorable . A missed vacation sounds terrible but am sure this phase will pass . Great blog title - it will go places . Have a nice day . Reply txhomegirl says : July 27 , 2016 at 5 : 00 pm Good blog ! I have to know what happened . I love Rotts . I 've owned two males and now own a female . She is much more skittish than my males were . Reply hadleylovesgus says : August 9 , 2016 at 12 : 36 pm I feel your pain ! We have our little yorkie , Gus , who suffers from fear of strangers as well . We are in the process of working with him now too . Thank you for writing ! I am hopeful to do a similar documentation of our journey as its been a great help to hear of other stories of people like us who are working hard to help a pup in this type of situation . Thank you ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 9 , 2016 at 5 : 42 pm I 'm so happy to be able to share this experience with you ! The anxiety and constant stress of Liezel 's fear has been tiresome . Every little accomplishment is celebrated because we 're that much closer to her being comfortable . Thank you for reading . I look forward to hearing more about Gus . LikeLike Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 10 am What a captivating story . Hats off to you for sticking with Liezel . She is truly lucky to have found you guys . We 're having some issues with our Bella ( nothing as severe as this ) and reading this makes me believe there might be hope yet 🙂 Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 14 am Hi Diya . Thanks for reading about Liezel ! Yes , there is hope ! With a good trainer and a lot of patience , improvement can be made . What is Bella doing ? Is she fearful ? Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 22 am Yes she is . Goes on full alert , growls and barks persistently when someone dares to pass by our front door . Thankfully she doesn 't lunge at anyone and sometimes I think she barks more out of fear than possessiveness of her territory . Part of it may just be us reading the signs wrong . We are first time dog owners and are only fostering her for a few weeks . She seems okay at times and just when we think she has finally acclimatized she starts up again . But she 's a sweetheart and we will be sorry to see her go . owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 2 : 54 pm I wish that just once in a while they could talk . All the best with Bella ! LikeLike Vernon says : August 27 , 2016 at 5 : 11 am Hi I 'm a passionate Rottweiler owner . I understand your lost with Zelda . When I lost my first Rott name BAR I said I would never own another dog . It took me years to get over him . Today we have our third one name Sebastian . It was my wife first time ever owning a dog . He had anxiety and tried to run our home when we first got him . I never had a crate with my first two dogs so when Nicole said he have to stay in one until we get him trained from chewing everything I wasn 't sure about it . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 27 , 2016 at 8 : 00 am Hi Vernon ! Your comment made me smile first thing this morning ! Yes , Rottweilers have special personalities . I 'm sorry for your loss of BAR . It is so very painful . Congratulations on opening your heart and home to other dogs - they really do make home a better place . For your wife , a first time male Rottweiler is a brave place to start ! According to the breeder we used , the males goes through an ownership phase where they test you to see what they can get away with . Sure , female go through terrible twos , but I guess it doesn 't compare . You mention the nervousness and insecurities - you are spot on with that ! Liezel picks up my emotions in a frighteningly accurate way . If I 'm even feeling a little off , she starts acting nervous . Maybe that 's proof that she was meant to be mine : ) . I really think that most ( if not all ) Rottweilers are big babies ! ! Liezel 's whole issue is fear , she is afraid of strangers . But the people she knows … she will do anything you tell her for a treat , she wants to lick your face and get her belly rubbed . I 'm happy that your wife loves dogs now . Shelby sounds cute - for a little dog - hahaha ! I 'm more of a big dog kinda gal . Ecohug says : September 14 , 2016 at 11 : 35 am Great post , I really enjoyed reading it and wanted to tell you that you are a great dog mom for sticking it out and really working on helping Liezel . I wanted to ask if you tried anything more natural to relieve anxiety , like herbs that are designed to relax the dog ? We had something similar ( not as bad as yours ) with our dog , Maddie , when we brought her home and giving her some herbs really helped her be calm especially in her crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : September 14 , 2016 at 12 : 55 pm Hi ! Thank you for reading about Liezel ! Yes , she gets two Chinese herbs : Shen Calmer and Chai Hu Shu Gan . Both are from our vet . We noticed HUGE improvements once we started the herbs . At one point last winter I took her off of them since she was doing pretty good and we noticed regression in her reactivity . The vet recommended putting her back on them , and again , they brought her back to a calmer , less reactive dog . Reply 200 Saturdays until Paris says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 26 pm I love what a patient and kind person you have been with your baby . I know it has been hard , but I am so happy you didn 't give up . ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 38 pm Thank you ! She she is wonderful in many , many ways . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 20 , 2016 at 5 : 14 am I 'm exhausted reading what you have been through . Also if you need to have break , Liezel should be in good hands with the breeder . I look forward to reading if it gets better for you . Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 21 , 2016 at 5 : 02 am Yes it was long , but it was very thoroughly written . I was hoping desperately that peace and harmony would reign for you , but I had to wait until now to find out . But I am very glad it has gotten better for you . Good on your parents . John Chon says : November 14 , 2016 at 7 : 06 pm Your dog is so cute ! I really liked how thorough you were in this post . I can tell that you love your dog very much . It 's so great to see loving and responsible dog owners out there 🙂 Keep up the great work ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 15 , 2016 at 4 : 43 am Hi John ! Thank you ! We think she 's pretty cute , too . I 'm very glad you enjoyed reading about Liezel . She is doing so much better . LikeLiked by 1 person charlypriest says : November 17 , 2016 at 12 : 58 pm Cute dog , I myself have a recent addition to the family that is called Tina a bulldog of 7 months . What I find fascinating about all this is … . . the dog has a daycarecenter ! That is unheard here in Spain . That dog has better care as a youngster than I did . I 'm actually jealous . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 17 , 2016 at 2 : 34 pm Oh what we do for our pets here … ! Thank you for reading ! Yay for you and Tina ! There is something so wonderful about having a dog . Reply charlypriest says : November 18 , 2016 at 6 : 09 am She does puts me a smile on the face , although she can be a pain in the but quite a lot of times . Specially when she starts eating walls , chairs , sofas , socks , the list goes on . What a stomach this dog has , it 's bullet proof .
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Knowing nothing about blogs or blogging , I had a * great * idea this morning to start my own and write all about my dog . I considered writing a book … but would there be enough to say and would anyone care ? At least this way , I can get it all out in writing , look at what I 've got and see where it goes . We ( my husband and I ) brought home a 7 . 5 week Rottweiler puppy on January 17 , 2014 . We named her Liezel ( sounds like diesel ) , I 'll spare you the long AKC registered name . I was apprehensive because we had just gone though a painful year and a half of caring for a very sick Rottweiler , Zelda . We put her down just before her second birthday in September , 2013 , and it was heartbreaking . Zelda was my first dog , I loved her more than I knew was possible . Getting a new puppy was scary ( what if she 's sick ) and exciting ( puppies are fun and cute ) . My intention for getting a dog was not only companionship but also to compete in dog sports ( obedience , agility ) , ultimately Schutzhund . We were supposed to start puppy classes right away , but Liezel not having her 12 - week shots , I postponed classes until the " next semester " for fear she would get sick . From 8 weeks to 11 weeks , Liezel stayed home . I took a week off of work , my husband took a week off , and my retired parents stayed with her for a week during the day while we worked . Aside from hating the crate she seemed like a perfectly content pup . The neighbors came over to meet her and when she met their Rottweiler , she was in Heaven ! She took to him like he was her best friend . I wondered if she thought " Wow ! Something like me - just bigger . " I remember commenting that the neighbor 's dog looked at me with an expression of " get this mosquito away from me ! " She loved when he came over . During the 8 - to 12 - week age we had major snowfall in Michigan . We had to dig tracks in the yard for Liezel to go potty since the snow was deeper than she was tall . It was very cold and with the snow and salt we did not take her for walks . However , she went to the pet store ( I carried her ) , the vet , and my parents house for small amounts of exposure . I know , I know " 8 - to 12 - weeks is a critical time for socialization ! " My thought process was I would rather delay socialization a few weeks than take the chance of having another sick dog . At eleven weeks , Liezel started daycare . She couldn 't be with the other puppies yet because she still had a week to go for shots , but she was in the office with the employees - and out of the house . The daycare workers pointed out that she really hated being crated ( yep , we know ) . At home or daycare , while crated she would howl and cry to the point of peeing and / or pooping herself . Never was the crate used for punishment . The purpose of crating her was to create her own private space . The idea being she can go to her crate knowing that when there no one will bother her . It 's her " safe place . " In the meantime , until she realized it was her safe - place she would be crated for naps and at night . It got to the point during what should have been nap time ( she 's fallen asleep somewhere and we pick her up and put her in the crate ) she would just cry , scream and howl . I actually called the breeder and ask " what should we do ? ! " Some dogs don 't take to a crate so the advice was to just let her sleep wherever she laid down . She would still have to be crated at night since she wasn 't fully potty trained . I slept on the floor next to her for four weeks , slowly increasing the distance from her until I could get in to bed . Back to daycare , at 13 weeks she started playing with the other dogs ( shots at 12 weeks , then a week to recover ) . She played with the other puppies and came home worn out . For one hour during the day all the dogs are kenneled ( inside ) for a lunch break . Liezel was still getting three meals a day so this was her lunch and nap break . Being in the kennel alone was as bad as being crated . She would pee / poop herself and cry and howl . One day they had to bathe her because she was in such a tither she got poop all over herself . This was causing me to have some anxiety . I have a happy , healthy puppy who does not like to be crated . I start wondering ' how am I ever going to leave the house ? , ' ' how are we ever going to leave her alone ? , ' ' what have I gotten us into ? ' I talked to the trainer once we started puppy classes and she had some tips . 1 ) never let her out of the crate when she 's crying - doing so will teach her that crying gets her released . Um , she cries the whole time she 's in it . 2 ) hit a wall just outside the room where the crate is . It will get her attention and she will stop to listen . At that moment of silence go get her . 3 ) never tell her " good girl " when she 's coming out of the crate - doing so will teach her getting out is the reward . 4 ) do not show excitement when letting her out . Open the door and walk away . Getting out is not fun / exciting ; going in should be . So over the course of the next couple of months we worked on this . The living room crate for naps was removed and the bedroom crate for nighttime was moved from the foot of the bed to my side . The move would allow her to see down the hallway when she was crated when we went out . Here I should interject that " going out " meant running to the grocery store , maybe going out to dinner , or stopping by my parents ( they live two miles away ) . This wasn 't out to dinner , drinks , and a movie - or even an extended family get - together . We were gone an hour or less . When we got home the crate would be covered in drool and she would be panting . Separation anxiety ? Just complete fear of the crate ? What is the problem , here ? At five months old we stopped using the crate all together . She was locked in our bedroom by a baby gate when we went out and this was a much better solution . She was calmer and we found ( via recording ) that she would curl up on the bed and sleep while we were gone . No drooling , panting , or pacing . She also started sleeping with us at night . It seemed a better option than the nighttime crying , panting , drooling , etc . She jumped into bed , curled up , and that was that . We continued with classes . Puppy class was a great success ! She knew sit , down , shake , watch , and touch before class even started ( remember those several weeks she stayed home ? We were teaching her some stuff . ) so she was kinda the star student [ proud smile ] . By the time we got to intermediate / advanced obedience we noticed some undesirable behaviors . Also around this time , the weather had gotten better and we started taking walks where we also observed undesirable behavior . At class she began barking and attempting to run toward ( on leash ) other people . On a walk , once we got about two houses away , she would turn around pulling toward home . Her happy disposition changed to a vigilant , nervous one . If anyone came out and asked to pet her , she would shrink back and avoid being touched . When she was about 6 months old we were on a walk in the neighborhood . Approaching a driveway partially blocked by a Jeep , two remote control cars came toward us . Liezel barked and lunged at them . The cars were being run by two little boys and the adult started screaming , " Get that dog off of my property before I get my f - ing gun and shoot it . " Hmm . This seemed over - the - top . My then 6 - month old puppy , was startled by the things coming at her , and she reacted . The guy went crazy ! I pointed out to him that I was on city property and I had every right to be there . Well his threats continued so I called the police . He too called the police and was yelling " It 's a Rottweiler ! A ROTTWEILER ! " While on the phone with the police his wife approached me saying " Please , just leave . Please . " Another man in his group approached me saying , " Get out of here you bitch ! " The whole thing escalated very quickly and it really shook me and Liezel up . After this episode I became very nervous about walking Liezel . If you know anything about dogs , you know they feed off their owners ' feelings . So I 'm feeding her nervousness and anxiety by being nervous and anxious . Round and round it went . Around this time a few other things happened . We took a day trip to see the breeder and let her see Liezel . When Deb tried to pet Liezel 's head , Liezel back away . Deb asked me " You haven 't hit her have you ? " Nope . We went camping one weekend and Liezel was so frantic and worried she barked the entire time and got to the point of vomiting from nervousness . We actually took her for a car ride hoping 1 ) to calm her down and 2 ) let the other campers have some peace and quiet . She started barking and lunging at all strangers - going into and out of daycare , at agility class , on a walk , etc . All strangers . And she would freak out at the sound of any car door outside , the doorbell ( real or on TV ) , or the neighbors she could see in their house from the backyard . When I say " freaking out " she would jump up , front paws on the front door , scratching , barking , spit flying , hackles up . Most times there was nothing there . Then it would take an hour or more for her to calm down . I spoke with the trainer about all of this . She did not seem very concerned and gave the impression that Liezel could outgrow it . This was insufficient for me . I needed an action plan . We also had a guy out to our house who represented a company that used e - collars . The company came recommended to us by a family member . His presentation and explanation was really off - putting . We didn 't understand the concept and wondered how could we expect Liezel to understand if we didn 't . Additionally , he said " The dog will have to wear a muzzle in order for me to work with her . " I 'm not opposed to using a muzzle , but he made no attempt to interact with Liezel . His idea was put a muzzle on her and an e - collar and get started . Neither my husband nor I got a good feeling about this so the idea was quickly discarded . The third trainer , Lynn , taught me about thresholds . Not letting Liezel get to the point of reacting because once she was over threshold she was unable to learn . I guess it would be like trying to learn a new skill while being chased by a bear ? When something scary is happening to you , you are not in a learning frame of mind . Week after week for several months , Lynn came to our house and worked on keeping Liezel under threshold . Here 's how it started . Liezel was in the bedroom when Lynn arrived . She sat at the kitchen table while I went to get Liezel . Liezel and I came out of the bedroom one step at a time . When Liezel saw Lynn , I was to say " Good girl " give her a treat , and retreat to the bedroom . Her reward for looking and not reacting was getting to leave the scary thing / person . After weeks of this , we moved outside . Lynn would be across the street and I would walk Liezel . When Liezel looked at Lynn she was praised and treated . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the lesson was over . Lynn also gave me instructions on a dog training process that taught the dog to stay on a mat / bed / blanket while things went on around it . So day one you tell the dog " go to your mat " and treat her when she gets on it [ Liezel already knew " go to your bed " so this was not difficult to teach ] . Take one step away from the mat and come back with " good girl " and a treat . This goes on and on for weeks with progressively more difficult things like running around the dog / mat , leaving the room , opening the front door , and ringing the doorbell . When you get through the whole thing , you start all over again in a different room . We went through all of the weeks ( it took twice as long as the plan because you can 't move on to the next day if the dog gets off the mat today ) and then started the whole thing over in the backyard . Also during this time , we hired a stranger to do stranger approaches . I found a local pet walker and paid her to sit at one end of the parking lot of an empty factory building , while we , 500 feet away , tried to approach and stay under threshold . The instructions from Lynn on this exercise was to come out from behind the building and wait for Liezel to see the stranger . Once she did , " good girl " and retreat . Do it again and try to get a foot closer . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the training was over for the day . After a few months we could get about 450 feet away before Liezel reacted . I stopped taking her to agility with our original trainer . Liezel seemed to really like running the agility course , but on the sideline she would panic over the other people and dogs . It came to a point where I decided the fun of the course did not outweigh the stress of the sidelines . We talked with our vet about this , all of this . She had blood sent out to test for thyroid issues and the results came back normal . It was time to try medication . Our vet could not prescribe Prozac so we went to a recommended veterinary behaviorist who did . She put Liezel on 30mg / day . The intention of medication was to calm Liezel enough so we could continue working on training under threshold . We were becoming a bit reclusive . An entire summer went by and we never took our camper out of storage . I was avoiding any talk of vacation because I didn 't know what we would do with her . When she was 14 months old we did go on vacation and left her with our original trainer . I checked in with the trainer everyday but got vague responses . Come to find out , Liezel just paced the whole time we were gone . During said summer when we didn 't camp , I came across a trainer that I had emailed months before but never heard back from . He was a police dog trainer so I assumed my issues with Liezel probably weren 't what he was looking to work with . He had a booth set up at a city festival advertising dog training , specifically aggression . I found my original email to him , forwarded it with a note saying " Hey , just saw you at the festival . Please see my email below from several months ago and let me know if you can help . " Simply , Z says : June 18 , 2016 at 10 : 35 am Interesting thoughts . We had a puppy too but sadly parted with her because of allergies . We found a nice home for her . I could relate to your puppy " hating " her crate . I will definitely refer to your blog when we get a second chance . Keep writing . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 18 , 2016 at 11 : 40 am Thank you ! It 's been hard having a fearful dog but also very rewarding ! I hope my lessons can help some one else . Reply Tim Taylor says : June 19 , 2016 at 9 : 14 am I 've read all your posts and I have to say they are extremely interesting . My favorite breed is a Doberman , next is German Shepard and then Rottweilers . I hate little yappin ' dogs with a passion . I absolutely love Wolves and I almost got one once upon a time . For me , that would have been a dream come true . Keep writin ' , ' cause now I wanna know how Liezel progresses ! I , too , have a pooch who doesn 't like the crate idea . She does the same panting , drooling thing , plus licks her front legs into sopping appendages ! I went for the baby gate idea , as well , because it didn 't make any sense to continue to upset her so badly with the crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 24 , 2016 at 5 : 56 pm Thank you ! And thank you for following me . Liezel has been trying , but when I look into her little brown almond eyes , I know she was meant for me and me for her . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply jay1991katira says : June 28 , 2016 at 1 : 33 am Nice one , You gave me nice snaps of pet . I love dogs . thank you Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 7 , 2016 at 8 : 17 am I love dogs , too ! They 're loyal and loving . I 'm glad you like the pictures ! Reply frankprem says : July 1 , 2016 at 6 : 47 pm Gorgeous looking dog . Best luck with raising her , and much enjoyment . Cheers , Frank Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 18 , 2016 at 2 : 26 pm Thanks , Laura . I need to commit some time to writing . We 've had a house guest for two weeks and she 's exhausting ! Reply Vaibhav says : July 26 , 2016 at 6 : 26 am Hi again , thanks for stopping by . I read this post and have to say this - I 'm not a dog person at all , bit scared actually and love cats . However , Liezel looks so adorable . A missed vacation sounds terrible but am sure this phase will pass . Great blog title - it will go places . Have a nice day . Reply txhomegirl says : July 27 , 2016 at 5 : 00 pm Good blog ! I have to know what happened . I love Rotts . I 've owned two males and now own a female . She is much more skittish than my males were . Reply hadleylovesgus says : August 9 , 2016 at 12 : 36 pm I feel your pain ! We have our little yorkie , Gus , who suffers from fear of strangers as well . We are in the process of working with him now too . Thank you for writing ! I am hopeful to do a similar documentation of our journey as its been a great help to hear of other stories of people like us who are working hard to help a pup in this type of situation . Thank you ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 9 , 2016 at 5 : 42 pm I 'm so happy to be able to share this experience with you ! The anxiety and constant stress of Liezel 's fear has been tiresome . Every little accomplishment is celebrated because we 're that much closer to her being comfortable . Thank you for reading . I look forward to hearing more about Gus . LikeLike Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 10 am What a captivating story . Hats off to you for sticking with Liezel . She is truly lucky to have found you guys . We 're having some issues with our Bella ( nothing as severe as this ) and reading this makes me believe there might be hope yet 🙂 Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 14 am Hi Diya . Thanks for reading about Liezel ! Yes , there is hope ! With a good trainer and a lot of patience , improvement can be made . What is Bella doing ? Is she fearful ? Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 22 am Yes she is . Goes on full alert , growls and barks persistently when someone dares to pass by our front door . Thankfully she doesn 't lunge at anyone and sometimes I think she barks more out of fear than possessiveness of her territory . Part of it may just be us reading the signs wrong . We are first time dog owners and are only fostering her for a few weeks . She seems okay at times and just when we think she has finally acclimatized she starts up again . But she 's a sweetheart and we will be sorry to see her go . owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 2 : 54 pm I wish that just once in a while they could talk . All the best with Bella ! LikeLike Vernon says : August 27 , 2016 at 5 : 11 am Hi I 'm a passionate Rottweiler owner . I understand your lost with Zelda . When I lost my first Rott name BAR I said I would never own another dog . It took me years to get over him . Today we have our third one name Sebastian . It was my wife first time ever owning a dog . He had anxiety and tried to run our home when we first got him . I never had a crate with my first two dogs so when Nicole said he have to stay in one until we get him trained from chewing everything I wasn 't sure about it . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 27 , 2016 at 8 : 00 am Hi Vernon ! Your comment made me smile first thing this morning ! Yes , Rottweilers have special personalities . I 'm sorry for your loss of BAR . It is so very painful . Congratulations on opening your heart and home to other dogs - they really do make home a better place . For your wife , a first time male Rottweiler is a brave place to start ! According to the breeder we used , the males goes through an ownership phase where they test you to see what they can get away with . Sure , female go through terrible twos , but I guess it doesn 't compare . You mention the nervousness and insecurities - you are spot on with that ! Liezel picks up my emotions in a frighteningly accurate way . If I 'm even feeling a little off , she starts acting nervous . Maybe that 's proof that she was meant to be mine : ) . I really think that most ( if not all ) Rottweilers are big babies ! ! Liezel 's whole issue is fear , she is afraid of strangers . But the people she knows … she will do anything you tell her for a treat , she wants to lick your face and get her belly rubbed . I 'm happy that your wife loves dogs now . Shelby sounds cute - for a little dog - hahaha ! I 'm more of a big dog kinda gal . Ecohug says : September 14 , 2016 at 11 : 35 am Great post , I really enjoyed reading it and wanted to tell you that you are a great dog mom for sticking it out and really working on helping Liezel . I wanted to ask if you tried anything more natural to relieve anxiety , like herbs that are designed to relax the dog ? We had something similar ( not as bad as yours ) with our dog , Maddie , when we brought her home and giving her some herbs really helped her be calm especially in her crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : September 14 , 2016 at 12 : 55 pm Hi ! Thank you for reading about Liezel ! Yes , she gets two Chinese herbs : Shen Calmer and Chai Hu Shu Gan . Both are from our vet . We noticed HUGE improvements once we started the herbs . At one point last winter I took her off of them since she was doing pretty good and we noticed regression in her reactivity . The vet recommended putting her back on them , and again , they brought her back to a calmer , less reactive dog . Reply 200 Saturdays until Paris says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 26 pm I love what a patient and kind person you have been with your baby . I know it has been hard , but I am so happy you didn 't give up . ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 38 pm Thank you ! She she is wonderful in many , many ways . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 20 , 2016 at 5 : 14 am I 'm exhausted reading what you have been through . Also if you need to have break , Liezel should be in good hands with the breeder . I look forward to reading if it gets better for you . Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 21 , 2016 at 5 : 02 am Yes it was long , but it was very thoroughly written . I was hoping desperately that peace and harmony would reign for you , but I had to wait until now to find out . But I am very glad it has gotten better for you . Good on your parents . John Chon says : November 14 , 2016 at 7 : 06 pm Your dog is so cute ! I really liked how thorough you were in this post . I can tell that you love your dog very much . It 's so great to see loving and responsible dog owners out there 🙂 Keep up the great work ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 15 , 2016 at 4 : 43 am Hi John ! Thank you ! We think she 's pretty cute , too . I 'm very glad you enjoyed reading about Liezel . She is doing so much better . LikeLiked by 1 person charlypriest says : November 17 , 2016 at 12 : 58 pm Cute dog , I myself have a recent addition to the family that is called Tina a bulldog of 7 months . What I find fascinating about all this is … . . the dog has a daycarecenter ! That is unheard here in Spain . That dog has better care as a youngster than I did . I 'm actually jealous . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 17 , 2016 at 2 : 34 pm Oh what we do for our pets here … ! Thank you for reading ! Yay for you and Tina ! There is something so wonderful about having a dog . Reply charlypriest says : November 18 , 2016 at 6 : 09 am She does puts me a smile on the face , although she can be a pain in the but quite a lot of times . Specially when she starts eating walls , chairs , sofas , socks , the list goes on . What a stomach this dog has , it 's bullet proof .
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Knowing nothing about blogs or blogging , I had a * great * idea this morning to start my own and write all about my dog . I considered writing a book … but would there be enough to say and would anyone care ? At least this way , I can get it all out in writing , look at what I 've got and see where it goes . We ( my husband and I ) brought home a 7 . 5 week Rottweiler puppy on January 17 , 2014 . We named her Liezel ( sounds like diesel ) , I 'll spare you the long AKC registered name . I was apprehensive because we had just gone though a painful year and a half of caring for a very sick Rottweiler , Zelda . We put her down just before her second birthday in September , 2013 , and it was heartbreaking . Zelda was my first dog , I loved her more than I knew was possible . Getting a new puppy was scary ( what if she 's sick ) and exciting ( puppies are fun and cute ) . My intention for getting a dog was not only companionship but also to compete in dog sports ( obedience , agility ) , ultimately Schutzhund . We were supposed to start puppy classes right away , but Liezel not having her 12 - week shots , I postponed classes until the " next semester " for fear she would get sick . From 8 weeks to 11 weeks , Liezel stayed home . I took a week off of work , my husband took a week off , and my retired parents stayed with her for a week during the day while we worked . Aside from hating the crate she seemed like a perfectly content pup . The neighbors came over to meet her and when she met their Rottweiler , she was in Heaven ! She took to him like he was her best friend . I wondered if she thought " Wow ! Something like me - just bigger . " I remember commenting that the neighbor 's dog looked at me with an expression of " get this mosquito away from me ! " She loved when he came over . During the 8 - to 12 - week age we had major snowfall in Michigan . We had to dig tracks in the yard for Liezel to go potty since the snow was deeper than she was tall . It was very cold and with the snow and salt we did not take her for walks . However , she went to the pet store ( I carried her ) , the vet , and my parents house for small amounts of exposure . I know , I know " 8 - to 12 - weeks is a critical time for socialization ! " My thought process was I would rather delay socialization a few weeks than take the chance of having another sick dog . At eleven weeks , Liezel started daycare . She couldn 't be with the other puppies yet because she still had a week to go for shots , but she was in the office with the employees - and out of the house . The daycare workers pointed out that she really hated being crated ( yep , we know ) . At home or daycare , while crated she would howl and cry to the point of peeing and / or pooping herself . Never was the crate used for punishment . The purpose of crating her was to create her own private space . The idea being she can go to her crate knowing that when there no one will bother her . It 's her " safe place . " In the meantime , until she realized it was her safe - place she would be crated for naps and at night . It got to the point during what should have been nap time ( she 's fallen asleep somewhere and we pick her up and put her in the crate ) she would just cry , scream and howl . I actually called the breeder and ask " what should we do ? ! " Some dogs don 't take to a crate so the advice was to just let her sleep wherever she laid down . She would still have to be crated at night since she wasn 't fully potty trained . I slept on the floor next to her for four weeks , slowly increasing the distance from her until I could get in to bed . Back to daycare , at 13 weeks she started playing with the other dogs ( shots at 12 weeks , then a week to recover ) . She played with the other puppies and came home worn out . For one hour during the day all the dogs are kenneled ( inside ) for a lunch break . Liezel was still getting three meals a day so this was her lunch and nap break . Being in the kennel alone was as bad as being crated . She would pee / poop herself and cry and howl . One day they had to bathe her because she was in such a tither she got poop all over herself . This was causing me to have some anxiety . I have a happy , healthy puppy who does not like to be crated . I start wondering ' how am I ever going to leave the house ? , ' ' how are we ever going to leave her alone ? , ' ' what have I gotten us into ? ' I talked to the trainer once we started puppy classes and she had some tips . 1 ) never let her out of the crate when she 's crying - doing so will teach her that crying gets her released . Um , she cries the whole time she 's in it . 2 ) hit a wall just outside the room where the crate is . It will get her attention and she will stop to listen . At that moment of silence go get her . 3 ) never tell her " good girl " when she 's coming out of the crate - doing so will teach her getting out is the reward . 4 ) do not show excitement when letting her out . Open the door and walk away . Getting out is not fun / exciting ; going in should be . So over the course of the next couple of months we worked on this . The living room crate for naps was removed and the bedroom crate for nighttime was moved from the foot of the bed to my side . The move would allow her to see down the hallway when she was crated when we went out . Here I should interject that " going out " meant running to the grocery store , maybe going out to dinner , or stopping by my parents ( they live two miles away ) . This wasn 't out to dinner , drinks , and a movie - or even an extended family get - together . We were gone an hour or less . When we got home the crate would be covered in drool and she would be panting . Separation anxiety ? Just complete fear of the crate ? What is the problem , here ? At five months old we stopped using the crate all together . She was locked in our bedroom by a baby gate when we went out and this was a much better solution . She was calmer and we found ( via recording ) that she would curl up on the bed and sleep while we were gone . No drooling , panting , or pacing . She also started sleeping with us at night . It seemed a better option than the nighttime crying , panting , drooling , etc . She jumped into bed , curled up , and that was that . We continued with classes . Puppy class was a great success ! She knew sit , down , shake , watch , and touch before class even started ( remember those several weeks she stayed home ? We were teaching her some stuff . ) so she was kinda the star student [ proud smile ] . By the time we got to intermediate / advanced obedience we noticed some undesirable behaviors . Also around this time , the weather had gotten better and we started taking walks where we also observed undesirable behavior . At class she began barking and attempting to run toward ( on leash ) other people . On a walk , once we got about two houses away , she would turn around pulling toward home . Her happy disposition changed to a vigilant , nervous one . If anyone came out and asked to pet her , she would shrink back and avoid being touched . When she was about 6 months old we were on a walk in the neighborhood . Approaching a driveway partially blocked by a Jeep , two remote control cars came toward us . Liezel barked and lunged at them . The cars were being run by two little boys and the adult started screaming , " Get that dog off of my property before I get my f - ing gun and shoot it . " Hmm . This seemed over - the - top . My then 6 - month old puppy , was startled by the things coming at her , and she reacted . The guy went crazy ! I pointed out to him that I was on city property and I had every right to be there . Well his threats continued so I called the police . He too called the police and was yelling " It 's a Rottweiler ! A ROTTWEILER ! " While on the phone with the police his wife approached me saying " Please , just leave . Please . " Another man in his group approached me saying , " Get out of here you bitch ! " The whole thing escalated very quickly and it really shook me and Liezel up . After this episode I became very nervous about walking Liezel . If you know anything about dogs , you know they feed off their owners ' feelings . So I 'm feeding her nervousness and anxiety by being nervous and anxious . Round and round it went . Around this time a few other things happened . We took a day trip to see the breeder and let her see Liezel . When Deb tried to pet Liezel 's head , Liezel back away . Deb asked me " You haven 't hit her have you ? " Nope . We went camping one weekend and Liezel was so frantic and worried she barked the entire time and got to the point of vomiting from nervousness . We actually took her for a car ride hoping 1 ) to calm her down and 2 ) let the other campers have some peace and quiet . She started barking and lunging at all strangers - going into and out of daycare , at agility class , on a walk , etc . All strangers . And she would freak out at the sound of any car door outside , the doorbell ( real or on TV ) , or the neighbors she could see in their house from the backyard . When I say " freaking out " she would jump up , front paws on the front door , scratching , barking , spit flying , hackles up . Most times there was nothing there . Then it would take an hour or more for her to calm down . I spoke with the trainer about all of this . She did not seem very concerned and gave the impression that Liezel could outgrow it . This was insufficient for me . I needed an action plan . We also had a guy out to our house who represented a company that used e - collars . The company came recommended to us by a family member . His presentation and explanation was really off - putting . We didn 't understand the concept and wondered how could we expect Liezel to understand if we didn 't . Additionally , he said " The dog will have to wear a muzzle in order for me to work with her . " I 'm not opposed to using a muzzle , but he made no attempt to interact with Liezel . His idea was put a muzzle on her and an e - collar and get started . Neither my husband nor I got a good feeling about this so the idea was quickly discarded . The third trainer , Lynn , taught me about thresholds . Not letting Liezel get to the point of reacting because once she was over threshold she was unable to learn . I guess it would be like trying to learn a new skill while being chased by a bear ? When something scary is happening to you , you are not in a learning frame of mind . Week after week for several months , Lynn came to our house and worked on keeping Liezel under threshold . Here 's how it started . Liezel was in the bedroom when Lynn arrived . She sat at the kitchen table while I went to get Liezel . Liezel and I came out of the bedroom one step at a time . When Liezel saw Lynn , I was to say " Good girl " give her a treat , and retreat to the bedroom . Her reward for looking and not reacting was getting to leave the scary thing / person . After weeks of this , we moved outside . Lynn would be across the street and I would walk Liezel . When Liezel looked at Lynn she was praised and treated . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the lesson was over . Lynn also gave me instructions on a dog training process that taught the dog to stay on a mat / bed / blanket while things went on around it . So day one you tell the dog " go to your mat " and treat her when she gets on it [ Liezel already knew " go to your bed " so this was not difficult to teach ] . Take one step away from the mat and come back with " good girl " and a treat . This goes on and on for weeks with progressively more difficult things like running around the dog / mat , leaving the room , opening the front door , and ringing the doorbell . When you get through the whole thing , you start all over again in a different room . We went through all of the weeks ( it took twice as long as the plan because you can 't move on to the next day if the dog gets off the mat today ) and then started the whole thing over in the backyard . Also during this time , we hired a stranger to do stranger approaches . I found a local pet walker and paid her to sit at one end of the parking lot of an empty factory building , while we , 500 feet away , tried to approach and stay under threshold . The instructions from Lynn on this exercise was to come out from behind the building and wait for Liezel to see the stranger . Once she did , " good girl " and retreat . Do it again and try to get a foot closer . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the training was over for the day . After a few months we could get about 450 feet away before Liezel reacted . I stopped taking her to agility with our original trainer . Liezel seemed to really like running the agility course , but on the sideline she would panic over the other people and dogs . It came to a point where I decided the fun of the course did not outweigh the stress of the sidelines . We talked with our vet about this , all of this . She had blood sent out to test for thyroid issues and the results came back normal . It was time to try medication . Our vet could not prescribe Prozac so we went to a recommended veterinary behaviorist who did . She put Liezel on 30mg / day . The intention of medication was to calm Liezel enough so we could continue working on training under threshold . We were becoming a bit reclusive . An entire summer went by and we never took our camper out of storage . I was avoiding any talk of vacation because I didn 't know what we would do with her . When she was 14 months old we did go on vacation and left her with our original trainer . I checked in with the trainer everyday but got vague responses . Come to find out , Liezel just paced the whole time we were gone . During said summer when we didn 't camp , I came across a trainer that I had emailed months before but never heard back from . He was a police dog trainer so I assumed my issues with Liezel probably weren 't what he was looking to work with . He had a booth set up at a city festival advertising dog training , specifically aggression . I found my original email to him , forwarded it with a note saying " Hey , just saw you at the festival . Please see my email below from several months ago and let me know if you can help . " Simply , Z says : June 18 , 2016 at 10 : 35 am Interesting thoughts . We had a puppy too but sadly parted with her because of allergies . We found a nice home for her . I could relate to your puppy " hating " her crate . I will definitely refer to your blog when we get a second chance . Keep writing . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 18 , 2016 at 11 : 40 am Thank you ! It 's been hard having a fearful dog but also very rewarding ! I hope my lessons can help some one else . Reply Tim Taylor says : June 19 , 2016 at 9 : 14 am I 've read all your posts and I have to say they are extremely interesting . My favorite breed is a Doberman , next is German Shepard and then Rottweilers . I hate little yappin ' dogs with a passion . I absolutely love Wolves and I almost got one once upon a time . For me , that would have been a dream come true . Keep writin ' , ' cause now I wanna know how Liezel progresses ! I , too , have a pooch who doesn 't like the crate idea . She does the same panting , drooling thing , plus licks her front legs into sopping appendages ! I went for the baby gate idea , as well , because it didn 't make any sense to continue to upset her so badly with the crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 24 , 2016 at 5 : 56 pm Thank you ! And thank you for following me . Liezel has been trying , but when I look into her little brown almond eyes , I know she was meant for me and me for her . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply jay1991katira says : June 28 , 2016 at 1 : 33 am Nice one , You gave me nice snaps of pet . I love dogs . thank you Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 7 , 2016 at 8 : 17 am I love dogs , too ! They 're loyal and loving . I 'm glad you like the pictures ! Reply frankprem says : July 1 , 2016 at 6 : 47 pm Gorgeous looking dog . Best luck with raising her , and much enjoyment . Cheers , Frank Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 18 , 2016 at 2 : 26 pm Thanks , Laura . I need to commit some time to writing . We 've had a house guest for two weeks and she 's exhausting ! Reply Vaibhav says : July 26 , 2016 at 6 : 26 am Hi again , thanks for stopping by . I read this post and have to say this - I 'm not a dog person at all , bit scared actually and love cats . However , Liezel looks so adorable . A missed vacation sounds terrible but am sure this phase will pass . Great blog title - it will go places . Have a nice day . Reply txhomegirl says : July 27 , 2016 at 5 : 00 pm Good blog ! I have to know what happened . I love Rotts . I 've owned two males and now own a female . She is much more skittish than my males were . Reply hadleylovesgus says : August 9 , 2016 at 12 : 36 pm I feel your pain ! We have our little yorkie , Gus , who suffers from fear of strangers as well . We are in the process of working with him now too . Thank you for writing ! I am hopeful to do a similar documentation of our journey as its been a great help to hear of other stories of people like us who are working hard to help a pup in this type of situation . Thank you ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 9 , 2016 at 5 : 42 pm I 'm so happy to be able to share this experience with you ! The anxiety and constant stress of Liezel 's fear has been tiresome . Every little accomplishment is celebrated because we 're that much closer to her being comfortable . Thank you for reading . I look forward to hearing more about Gus . LikeLike Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 10 am What a captivating story . Hats off to you for sticking with Liezel . She is truly lucky to have found you guys . We 're having some issues with our Bella ( nothing as severe as this ) and reading this makes me believe there might be hope yet 🙂 Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 14 am Hi Diya . Thanks for reading about Liezel ! Yes , there is hope ! With a good trainer and a lot of patience , improvement can be made . What is Bella doing ? Is she fearful ? Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 22 am Yes she is . Goes on full alert , growls and barks persistently when someone dares to pass by our front door . Thankfully she doesn 't lunge at anyone and sometimes I think she barks more out of fear than possessiveness of her territory . Part of it may just be us reading the signs wrong . We are first time dog owners and are only fostering her for a few weeks . She seems okay at times and just when we think she has finally acclimatized she starts up again . But she 's a sweetheart and we will be sorry to see her go . owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 2 : 54 pm I wish that just once in a while they could talk . All the best with Bella ! LikeLike Vernon says : August 27 , 2016 at 5 : 11 am Hi I 'm a passionate Rottweiler owner . I understand your lost with Zelda . When I lost my first Rott name BAR I said I would never own another dog . It took me years to get over him . Today we have our third one name Sebastian . It was my wife first time ever owning a dog . He had anxiety and tried to run our home when we first got him . I never had a crate with my first two dogs so when Nicole said he have to stay in one until we get him trained from chewing everything I wasn 't sure about it . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 27 , 2016 at 8 : 00 am Hi Vernon ! Your comment made me smile first thing this morning ! Yes , Rottweilers have special personalities . I 'm sorry for your loss of BAR . It is so very painful . Congratulations on opening your heart and home to other dogs - they really do make home a better place . For your wife , a first time male Rottweiler is a brave place to start ! According to the breeder we used , the males goes through an ownership phase where they test you to see what they can get away with . Sure , female go through terrible twos , but I guess it doesn 't compare . You mention the nervousness and insecurities - you are spot on with that ! Liezel picks up my emotions in a frighteningly accurate way . If I 'm even feeling a little off , she starts acting nervous . Maybe that 's proof that she was meant to be mine : ) . I really think that most ( if not all ) Rottweilers are big babies ! ! Liezel 's whole issue is fear , she is afraid of strangers . But the people she knows … she will do anything you tell her for a treat , she wants to lick your face and get her belly rubbed . I 'm happy that your wife loves dogs now . Shelby sounds cute - for a little dog - hahaha ! I 'm more of a big dog kinda gal . Ecohug says : September 14 , 2016 at 11 : 35 am Great post , I really enjoyed reading it and wanted to tell you that you are a great dog mom for sticking it out and really working on helping Liezel . I wanted to ask if you tried anything more natural to relieve anxiety , like herbs that are designed to relax the dog ? We had something similar ( not as bad as yours ) with our dog , Maddie , when we brought her home and giving her some herbs really helped her be calm especially in her crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : September 14 , 2016 at 12 : 55 pm Hi ! Thank you for reading about Liezel ! Yes , she gets two Chinese herbs : Shen Calmer and Chai Hu Shu Gan . Both are from our vet . We noticed HUGE improvements once we started the herbs . At one point last winter I took her off of them since she was doing pretty good and we noticed regression in her reactivity . The vet recommended putting her back on them , and again , they brought her back to a calmer , less reactive dog . Reply 200 Saturdays until Paris says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 26 pm I love what a patient and kind person you have been with your baby . I know it has been hard , but I am so happy you didn 't give up . ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 38 pm Thank you ! She she is wonderful in many , many ways . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 20 , 2016 at 5 : 14 am I 'm exhausted reading what you have been through . Also if you need to have break , Liezel should be in good hands with the breeder . I look forward to reading if it gets better for you . Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 21 , 2016 at 5 : 02 am Yes it was long , but it was very thoroughly written . I was hoping desperately that peace and harmony would reign for you , but I had to wait until now to find out . But I am very glad it has gotten better for you . Good on your parents . John Chon says : November 14 , 2016 at 7 : 06 pm Your dog is so cute ! I really liked how thorough you were in this post . I can tell that you love your dog very much . It 's so great to see loving and responsible dog owners out there 🙂 Keep up the great work ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 15 , 2016 at 4 : 43 am Hi John ! Thank you ! We think she 's pretty cute , too . I 'm very glad you enjoyed reading about Liezel . She is doing so much better . LikeLiked by 1 person charlypriest says : November 17 , 2016 at 12 : 58 pm Cute dog , I myself have a recent addition to the family that is called Tina a bulldog of 7 months . What I find fascinating about all this is … . . the dog has a daycarecenter ! That is unheard here in Spain . That dog has better care as a youngster than I did . I 'm actually jealous . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 17 , 2016 at 2 : 34 pm Oh what we do for our pets here … ! Thank you for reading ! Yay for you and Tina ! There is something so wonderful about having a dog . Reply charlypriest says : November 18 , 2016 at 6 : 09 am She does puts me a smile on the face , although she can be a pain in the but quite a lot of times . Specially when she starts eating walls , chairs , sofas , socks , the list goes on . What a stomach this dog has , it 's bullet proof .
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Knowing nothing about blogs or blogging , I had a * great * idea this morning to start my own and write all about my dog . I considered writing a book … but would there be enough to say and would anyone care ? At least this way , I can get it all out in writing , look at what I 've got and see where it goes . We ( my husband and I ) brought home a 7 . 5 week Rottweiler puppy on January 17 , 2014 . We named her Liezel ( sounds like diesel ) , I 'll spare you the long AKC registered name . I was apprehensive because we had just gone though a painful year and a half of caring for a very sick Rottweiler , Zelda . We put her down just before her second birthday in September , 2013 , and it was heartbreaking . Zelda was my first dog , I loved her more than I knew was possible . Getting a new puppy was scary ( what if she 's sick ) and exciting ( puppies are fun and cute ) . My intention for getting a dog was not only companionship but also to compete in dog sports ( obedience , agility ) , ultimately Schutzhund . We were supposed to start puppy classes right away , but Liezel not having her 12 - week shots , I postponed classes until the " next semester " for fear she would get sick . From 8 weeks to 11 weeks , Liezel stayed home . I took a week off of work , my husband took a week off , and my retired parents stayed with her for a week during the day while we worked . Aside from hating the crate she seemed like a perfectly content pup . The neighbors came over to meet her and when she met their Rottweiler , she was in Heaven ! She took to him like he was her best friend . I wondered if she thought " Wow ! Something like me - just bigger . " I remember commenting that the neighbor 's dog looked at me with an expression of " get this mosquito away from me ! " She loved when he came over . During the 8 - to 12 - week age we had major snowfall in Michigan . We had to dig tracks in the yard for Liezel to go potty since the snow was deeper than she was tall . It was very cold and with the snow and salt we did not take her for walks . However , she went to the pet store ( I carried her ) , the vet , and my parents house for small amounts of exposure . I know , I know " 8 - to 12 - weeks is a critical time for socialization ! " My thought process was I would rather delay socialization a few weeks than take the chance of having another sick dog . At eleven weeks , Liezel started daycare . She couldn 't be with the other puppies yet because she still had a week to go for shots , but she was in the office with the employees - and out of the house . The daycare workers pointed out that she really hated being crated ( yep , we know ) . At home or daycare , while crated she would howl and cry to the point of peeing and / or pooping herself . Never was the crate used for punishment . The purpose of crating her was to create her own private space . The idea being she can go to her crate knowing that when there no one will bother her . It 's her " safe place . " In the meantime , until she realized it was her safe - place she would be crated for naps and at night . It got to the point during what should have been nap time ( she 's fallen asleep somewhere and we pick her up and put her in the crate ) she would just cry , scream and howl . I actually called the breeder and ask " what should we do ? ! " Some dogs don 't take to a crate so the advice was to just let her sleep wherever she laid down . She would still have to be crated at night since she wasn 't fully potty trained . I slept on the floor next to her for four weeks , slowly increasing the distance from her until I could get in to bed . Back to daycare , at 13 weeks she started playing with the other dogs ( shots at 12 weeks , then a week to recover ) . She played with the other puppies and came home worn out . For one hour during the day all the dogs are kenneled ( inside ) for a lunch break . Liezel was still getting three meals a day so this was her lunch and nap break . Being in the kennel alone was as bad as being crated . She would pee / poop herself and cry and howl . One day they had to bathe her because she was in such a tither she got poop all over herself . This was causing me to have some anxiety . I have a happy , healthy puppy who does not like to be crated . I start wondering ' how am I ever going to leave the house ? , ' ' how are we ever going to leave her alone ? , ' ' what have I gotten us into ? ' I talked to the trainer once we started puppy classes and she had some tips . 1 ) never let her out of the crate when she 's crying - doing so will teach her that crying gets her released . Um , she cries the whole time she 's in it . 2 ) hit a wall just outside the room where the crate is . It will get her attention and she will stop to listen . At that moment of silence go get her . 3 ) never tell her " good girl " when she 's coming out of the crate - doing so will teach her getting out is the reward . 4 ) do not show excitement when letting her out . Open the door and walk away . Getting out is not fun / exciting ; going in should be . So over the course of the next couple of months we worked on this . The living room crate for naps was removed and the bedroom crate for nighttime was moved from the foot of the bed to my side . The move would allow her to see down the hallway when she was crated when we went out . Here I should interject that " going out " meant running to the grocery store , maybe going out to dinner , or stopping by my parents ( they live two miles away ) . This wasn 't out to dinner , drinks , and a movie - or even an extended family get - together . We were gone an hour or less . When we got home the crate would be covered in drool and she would be panting . Separation anxiety ? Just complete fear of the crate ? What is the problem , here ? At five months old we stopped using the crate all together . She was locked in our bedroom by a baby gate when we went out and this was a much better solution . She was calmer and we found ( via recording ) that she would curl up on the bed and sleep while we were gone . No drooling , panting , or pacing . She also started sleeping with us at night . It seemed a better option than the nighttime crying , panting , drooling , etc . She jumped into bed , curled up , and that was that . We continued with classes . Puppy class was a great success ! She knew sit , down , shake , watch , and touch before class even started ( remember those several weeks she stayed home ? We were teaching her some stuff . ) so she was kinda the star student [ proud smile ] . By the time we got to intermediate / advanced obedience we noticed some undesirable behaviors . Also around this time , the weather had gotten better and we started taking walks where we also observed undesirable behavior . At class she began barking and attempting to run toward ( on leash ) other people . On a walk , once we got about two houses away , she would turn around pulling toward home . Her happy disposition changed to a vigilant , nervous one . If anyone came out and asked to pet her , she would shrink back and avoid being touched . When she was about 6 months old we were on a walk in the neighborhood . Approaching a driveway partially blocked by a Jeep , two remote control cars came toward us . Liezel barked and lunged at them . The cars were being run by two little boys and the adult started screaming , " Get that dog off of my property before I get my f - ing gun and shoot it . " Hmm . This seemed over - the - top . My then 6 - month old puppy , was startled by the things coming at her , and she reacted . The guy went crazy ! I pointed out to him that I was on city property and I had every right to be there . Well his threats continued so I called the police . He too called the police and was yelling " It 's a Rottweiler ! A ROTTWEILER ! " While on the phone with the police his wife approached me saying " Please , just leave . Please . " Another man in his group approached me saying , " Get out of here you bitch ! " The whole thing escalated very quickly and it really shook me and Liezel up . After this episode I became very nervous about walking Liezel . If you know anything about dogs , you know they feed off their owners ' feelings . So I 'm feeding her nervousness and anxiety by being nervous and anxious . Round and round it went . Around this time a few other things happened . We took a day trip to see the breeder and let her see Liezel . When Deb tried to pet Liezel 's head , Liezel back away . Deb asked me " You haven 't hit her have you ? " Nope . We went camping one weekend and Liezel was so frantic and worried she barked the entire time and got to the point of vomiting from nervousness . We actually took her for a car ride hoping 1 ) to calm her down and 2 ) let the other campers have some peace and quiet . She started barking and lunging at all strangers - going into and out of daycare , at agility class , on a walk , etc . All strangers . And she would freak out at the sound of any car door outside , the doorbell ( real or on TV ) , or the neighbors she could see in their house from the backyard . When I say " freaking out " she would jump up , front paws on the front door , scratching , barking , spit flying , hackles up . Most times there was nothing there . Then it would take an hour or more for her to calm down . I spoke with the trainer about all of this . She did not seem very concerned and gave the impression that Liezel could outgrow it . This was insufficient for me . I needed an action plan . We also had a guy out to our house who represented a company that used e - collars . The company came recommended to us by a family member . His presentation and explanation was really off - putting . We didn 't understand the concept and wondered how could we expect Liezel to understand if we didn 't . Additionally , he said " The dog will have to wear a muzzle in order for me to work with her . " I 'm not opposed to using a muzzle , but he made no attempt to interact with Liezel . His idea was put a muzzle on her and an e - collar and get started . Neither my husband nor I got a good feeling about this so the idea was quickly discarded . The third trainer , Lynn , taught me about thresholds . Not letting Liezel get to the point of reacting because once she was over threshold she was unable to learn . I guess it would be like trying to learn a new skill while being chased by a bear ? When something scary is happening to you , you are not in a learning frame of mind . Week after week for several months , Lynn came to our house and worked on keeping Liezel under threshold . Here 's how it started . Liezel was in the bedroom when Lynn arrived . She sat at the kitchen table while I went to get Liezel . Liezel and I came out of the bedroom one step at a time . When Liezel saw Lynn , I was to say " Good girl " give her a treat , and retreat to the bedroom . Her reward for looking and not reacting was getting to leave the scary thing / person . After weeks of this , we moved outside . Lynn would be across the street and I would walk Liezel . When Liezel looked at Lynn she was praised and treated . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the lesson was over . Lynn also gave me instructions on a dog training process that taught the dog to stay on a mat / bed / blanket while things went on around it . So day one you tell the dog " go to your mat " and treat her when she gets on it [ Liezel already knew " go to your bed " so this was not difficult to teach ] . Take one step away from the mat and come back with " good girl " and a treat . This goes on and on for weeks with progressively more difficult things like running around the dog / mat , leaving the room , opening the front door , and ringing the doorbell . When you get through the whole thing , you start all over again in a different room . We went through all of the weeks ( it took twice as long as the plan because you can 't move on to the next day if the dog gets off the mat today ) and then started the whole thing over in the backyard . Also during this time , we hired a stranger to do stranger approaches . I found a local pet walker and paid her to sit at one end of the parking lot of an empty factory building , while we , 500 feet away , tried to approach and stay under threshold . The instructions from Lynn on this exercise was to come out from behind the building and wait for Liezel to see the stranger . Once she did , " good girl " and retreat . Do it again and try to get a foot closer . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the training was over for the day . After a few months we could get about 450 feet away before Liezel reacted . I stopped taking her to agility with our original trainer . Liezel seemed to really like running the agility course , but on the sideline she would panic over the other people and dogs . It came to a point where I decided the fun of the course did not outweigh the stress of the sidelines . We talked with our vet about this , all of this . She had blood sent out to test for thyroid issues and the results came back normal . It was time to try medication . Our vet could not prescribe Prozac so we went to a recommended veterinary behaviorist who did . She put Liezel on 30mg / day . The intention of medication was to calm Liezel enough so we could continue working on training under threshold . We were becoming a bit reclusive . An entire summer went by and we never took our camper out of storage . I was avoiding any talk of vacation because I didn 't know what we would do with her . When she was 14 months old we did go on vacation and left her with our original trainer . I checked in with the trainer everyday but got vague responses . Come to find out , Liezel just paced the whole time we were gone . During said summer when we didn 't camp , I came across a trainer that I had emailed months before but never heard back from . He was a police dog trainer so I assumed my issues with Liezel probably weren 't what he was looking to work with . He had a booth set up at a city festival advertising dog training , specifically aggression . I found my original email to him , forwarded it with a note saying " Hey , just saw you at the festival . Please see my email below from several months ago and let me know if you can help . " Simply , Z says : June 18 , 2016 at 10 : 35 am Interesting thoughts . We had a puppy too but sadly parted with her because of allergies . We found a nice home for her . I could relate to your puppy " hating " her crate . I will definitely refer to your blog when we get a second chance . Keep writing . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 18 , 2016 at 11 : 40 am Thank you ! It 's been hard having a fearful dog but also very rewarding ! I hope my lessons can help some one else . Reply Tim Taylor says : June 19 , 2016 at 9 : 14 am I 've read all your posts and I have to say they are extremely interesting . My favorite breed is a Doberman , next is German Shepard and then Rottweilers . I hate little yappin ' dogs with a passion . I absolutely love Wolves and I almost got one once upon a time . For me , that would have been a dream come true . Keep writin ' , ' cause now I wanna know how Liezel progresses ! I , too , have a pooch who doesn 't like the crate idea . She does the same panting , drooling thing , plus licks her front legs into sopping appendages ! I went for the baby gate idea , as well , because it didn 't make any sense to continue to upset her so badly with the crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 24 , 2016 at 5 : 56 pm Thank you ! And thank you for following me . Liezel has been trying , but when I look into her little brown almond eyes , I know she was meant for me and me for her . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply jay1991katira says : June 28 , 2016 at 1 : 33 am Nice one , You gave me nice snaps of pet . I love dogs . thank you Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 7 , 2016 at 8 : 17 am I love dogs , too ! They 're loyal and loving . I 'm glad you like the pictures ! Reply frankprem says : July 1 , 2016 at 6 : 47 pm Gorgeous looking dog . Best luck with raising her , and much enjoyment . Cheers , Frank Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 18 , 2016 at 2 : 26 pm Thanks , Laura . I need to commit some time to writing . We 've had a house guest for two weeks and she 's exhausting ! Reply Vaibhav says : July 26 , 2016 at 6 : 26 am Hi again , thanks for stopping by . I read this post and have to say this - I 'm not a dog person at all , bit scared actually and love cats . However , Liezel looks so adorable . A missed vacation sounds terrible but am sure this phase will pass . Great blog title - it will go places . Have a nice day . Reply txhomegirl says : July 27 , 2016 at 5 : 00 pm Good blog ! I have to know what happened . I love Rotts . I 've owned two males and now own a female . She is much more skittish than my males were . Reply hadleylovesgus says : August 9 , 2016 at 12 : 36 pm I feel your pain ! We have our little yorkie , Gus , who suffers from fear of strangers as well . We are in the process of working with him now too . Thank you for writing ! I am hopeful to do a similar documentation of our journey as its been a great help to hear of other stories of people like us who are working hard to help a pup in this type of situation . Thank you ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 9 , 2016 at 5 : 42 pm I 'm so happy to be able to share this experience with you ! The anxiety and constant stress of Liezel 's fear has been tiresome . Every little accomplishment is celebrated because we 're that much closer to her being comfortable . Thank you for reading . I look forward to hearing more about Gus . LikeLike Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 10 am What a captivating story . Hats off to you for sticking with Liezel . She is truly lucky to have found you guys . We 're having some issues with our Bella ( nothing as severe as this ) and reading this makes me believe there might be hope yet 🙂 Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 14 am Hi Diya . Thanks for reading about Liezel ! Yes , there is hope ! With a good trainer and a lot of patience , improvement can be made . What is Bella doing ? Is she fearful ? Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 22 am Yes she is . Goes on full alert , growls and barks persistently when someone dares to pass by our front door . Thankfully she doesn 't lunge at anyone and sometimes I think she barks more out of fear than possessiveness of her territory . Part of it may just be us reading the signs wrong . We are first time dog owners and are only fostering her for a few weeks . She seems okay at times and just when we think she has finally acclimatized she starts up again . But she 's a sweetheart and we will be sorry to see her go . owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 2 : 54 pm I wish that just once in a while they could talk . All the best with Bella ! LikeLike Vernon says : August 27 , 2016 at 5 : 11 am Hi I 'm a passionate Rottweiler owner . I understand your lost with Zelda . When I lost my first Rott name BAR I said I would never own another dog . It took me years to get over him . Today we have our third one name Sebastian . It was my wife first time ever owning a dog . He had anxiety and tried to run our home when we first got him . I never had a crate with my first two dogs so when Nicole said he have to stay in one until we get him trained from chewing everything I wasn 't sure about it . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 27 , 2016 at 8 : 00 am Hi Vernon ! Your comment made me smile first thing this morning ! Yes , Rottweilers have special personalities . I 'm sorry for your loss of BAR . It is so very painful . Congratulations on opening your heart and home to other dogs - they really do make home a better place . For your wife , a first time male Rottweiler is a brave place to start ! According to the breeder we used , the males goes through an ownership phase where they test you to see what they can get away with . Sure , female go through terrible twos , but I guess it doesn 't compare . You mention the nervousness and insecurities - you are spot on with that ! Liezel picks up my emotions in a frighteningly accurate way . If I 'm even feeling a little off , she starts acting nervous . Maybe that 's proof that she was meant to be mine : ) . I really think that most ( if not all ) Rottweilers are big babies ! ! Liezel 's whole issue is fear , she is afraid of strangers . But the people she knows … she will do anything you tell her for a treat , she wants to lick your face and get her belly rubbed . I 'm happy that your wife loves dogs now . Shelby sounds cute - for a little dog - hahaha ! I 'm more of a big dog kinda gal . Ecohug says : September 14 , 2016 at 11 : 35 am Great post , I really enjoyed reading it and wanted to tell you that you are a great dog mom for sticking it out and really working on helping Liezel . I wanted to ask if you tried anything more natural to relieve anxiety , like herbs that are designed to relax the dog ? We had something similar ( not as bad as yours ) with our dog , Maddie , when we brought her home and giving her some herbs really helped her be calm especially in her crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : September 14 , 2016 at 12 : 55 pm Hi ! Thank you for reading about Liezel ! Yes , she gets two Chinese herbs : Shen Calmer and Chai Hu Shu Gan . Both are from our vet . We noticed HUGE improvements once we started the herbs . At one point last winter I took her off of them since she was doing pretty good and we noticed regression in her reactivity . The vet recommended putting her back on them , and again , they brought her back to a calmer , less reactive dog . Reply 200 Saturdays until Paris says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 26 pm I love what a patient and kind person you have been with your baby . I know it has been hard , but I am so happy you didn 't give up . ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 38 pm Thank you ! She she is wonderful in many , many ways . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 20 , 2016 at 5 : 14 am I 'm exhausted reading what you have been through . Also if you need to have break , Liezel should be in good hands with the breeder . I look forward to reading if it gets better for you . Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 21 , 2016 at 5 : 02 am Yes it was long , but it was very thoroughly written . I was hoping desperately that peace and harmony would reign for you , but I had to wait until now to find out . But I am very glad it has gotten better for you . Good on your parents . John Chon says : November 14 , 2016 at 7 : 06 pm Your dog is so cute ! I really liked how thorough you were in this post . I can tell that you love your dog very much . It 's so great to see loving and responsible dog owners out there 🙂 Keep up the great work ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 15 , 2016 at 4 : 43 am Hi John ! Thank you ! We think she 's pretty cute , too . I 'm very glad you enjoyed reading about Liezel . She is doing so much better . LikeLiked by 1 person charlypriest says : November 17 , 2016 at 12 : 58 pm Cute dog , I myself have a recent addition to the family that is called Tina a bulldog of 7 months . What I find fascinating about all this is … . . the dog has a daycarecenter ! That is unheard here in Spain . That dog has better care as a youngster than I did . I 'm actually jealous . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 17 , 2016 at 2 : 34 pm Oh what we do for our pets here … ! Thank you for reading ! Yay for you and Tina ! There is something so wonderful about having a dog . Reply charlypriest says : November 18 , 2016 at 6 : 09 am She does puts me a smile on the face , although she can be a pain in the but quite a lot of times . Specially when she starts eating walls , chairs , sofas , socks , the list goes on . What a stomach this dog has , it 's bullet proof .
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Knowing nothing about blogs or blogging , I had a * great * idea this morning to start my own and write all about my dog . I considered writing a book … but would there be enough to say and would anyone care ? At least this way , I can get it all out in writing , look at what I 've got and see where it goes . We ( my husband and I ) brought home a 7 . 5 week Rottweiler puppy on January 17 , 2014 . We named her Liezel ( sounds like diesel ) , I 'll spare you the long AKC registered name . I was apprehensive because we had just gone though a painful year and a half of caring for a very sick Rottweiler , Zelda . We put her down just before her second birthday in September , 2013 , and it was heartbreaking . Zelda was my first dog , I loved her more than I knew was possible . Getting a new puppy was scary ( what if she 's sick ) and exciting ( puppies are fun and cute ) . My intention for getting a dog was not only companionship but also to compete in dog sports ( obedience , agility ) , ultimately Schutzhund . We were supposed to start puppy classes right away , but Liezel not having her 12 - week shots , I postponed classes until the " next semester " for fear she would get sick . From 8 weeks to 11 weeks , Liezel stayed home . I took a week off of work , my husband took a week off , and my retired parents stayed with her for a week during the day while we worked . Aside from hating the crate she seemed like a perfectly content pup . The neighbors came over to meet her and when she met their Rottweiler , she was in Heaven ! She took to him like he was her best friend . I wondered if she thought " Wow ! Something like me - just bigger . " I remember commenting that the neighbor 's dog looked at me with an expression of " get this mosquito away from me ! " She loved when he came over . During the 8 - to 12 - week age we had major snowfall in Michigan . We had to dig tracks in the yard for Liezel to go potty since the snow was deeper than she was tall . It was very cold and with the snow and salt we did not take her for walks . However , she went to the pet store ( I carried her ) , the vet , and my parents house for small amounts of exposure . I know , I know " 8 - to 12 - weeks is a critical time for socialization ! " My thought process was I would rather delay socialization a few weeks than take the chance of having another sick dog . At eleven weeks , Liezel started daycare . She couldn 't be with the other puppies yet because she still had a week to go for shots , but she was in the office with the employees - and out of the house . The daycare workers pointed out that she really hated being crated ( yep , we know ) . At home or daycare , while crated she would howl and cry to the point of peeing and / or pooping herself . Never was the crate used for punishment . The purpose of crating her was to create her own private space . The idea being she can go to her crate knowing that when there no one will bother her . It 's her " safe place . " In the meantime , until she realized it was her safe - place she would be crated for naps and at night . It got to the point during what should have been nap time ( she 's fallen asleep somewhere and we pick her up and put her in the crate ) she would just cry , scream and howl . I actually called the breeder and ask " what should we do ? ! " Some dogs don 't take to a crate so the advice was to just let her sleep wherever she laid down . She would still have to be crated at night since she wasn 't fully potty trained . I slept on the floor next to her for four weeks , slowly increasing the distance from her until I could get in to bed . Back to daycare , at 13 weeks she started playing with the other dogs ( shots at 12 weeks , then a week to recover ) . She played with the other puppies and came home worn out . For one hour during the day all the dogs are kenneled ( inside ) for a lunch break . Liezel was still getting three meals a day so this was her lunch and nap break . Being in the kennel alone was as bad as being crated . She would pee / poop herself and cry and howl . One day they had to bathe her because she was in such a tither she got poop all over herself . This was causing me to have some anxiety . I have a happy , healthy puppy who does not like to be crated . I start wondering ' how am I ever going to leave the house ? , ' ' how are we ever going to leave her alone ? , ' ' what have I gotten us into ? ' I talked to the trainer once we started puppy classes and she had some tips . 1 ) never let her out of the crate when she 's crying - doing so will teach her that crying gets her released . Um , she cries the whole time she 's in it . 2 ) hit a wall just outside the room where the crate is . It will get her attention and she will stop to listen . At that moment of silence go get her . 3 ) never tell her " good girl " when she 's coming out of the crate - doing so will teach her getting out is the reward . 4 ) do not show excitement when letting her out . Open the door and walk away . Getting out is not fun / exciting ; going in should be . So over the course of the next couple of months we worked on this . The living room crate for naps was removed and the bedroom crate for nighttime was moved from the foot of the bed to my side . The move would allow her to see down the hallway when she was crated when we went out . Here I should interject that " going out " meant running to the grocery store , maybe going out to dinner , or stopping by my parents ( they live two miles away ) . This wasn 't out to dinner , drinks , and a movie - or even an extended family get - together . We were gone an hour or less . When we got home the crate would be covered in drool and she would be panting . Separation anxiety ? Just complete fear of the crate ? What is the problem , here ? At five months old we stopped using the crate all together . She was locked in our bedroom by a baby gate when we went out and this was a much better solution . She was calmer and we found ( via recording ) that she would curl up on the bed and sleep while we were gone . No drooling , panting , or pacing . She also started sleeping with us at night . It seemed a better option than the nighttime crying , panting , drooling , etc . She jumped into bed , curled up , and that was that . We continued with classes . Puppy class was a great success ! She knew sit , down , shake , watch , and touch before class even started ( remember those several weeks she stayed home ? We were teaching her some stuff . ) so she was kinda the star student [ proud smile ] . By the time we got to intermediate / advanced obedience we noticed some undesirable behaviors . Also around this time , the weather had gotten better and we started taking walks where we also observed undesirable behavior . At class she began barking and attempting to run toward ( on leash ) other people . On a walk , once we got about two houses away , she would turn around pulling toward home . Her happy disposition changed to a vigilant , nervous one . If anyone came out and asked to pet her , she would shrink back and avoid being touched . When she was about 6 months old we were on a walk in the neighborhood . Approaching a driveway partially blocked by a Jeep , two remote control cars came toward us . Liezel barked and lunged at them . The cars were being run by two little boys and the adult started screaming , " Get that dog off of my property before I get my f - ing gun and shoot it . " Hmm . This seemed over - the - top . My then 6 - month old puppy , was startled by the things coming at her , and she reacted . The guy went crazy ! I pointed out to him that I was on city property and I had every right to be there . Well his threats continued so I called the police . He too called the police and was yelling " It 's a Rottweiler ! A ROTTWEILER ! " While on the phone with the police his wife approached me saying " Please , just leave . Please . " Another man in his group approached me saying , " Get out of here you bitch ! " The whole thing escalated very quickly and it really shook me and Liezel up . After this episode I became very nervous about walking Liezel . If you know anything about dogs , you know they feed off their owners ' feelings . So I 'm feeding her nervousness and anxiety by being nervous and anxious . Round and round it went . Around this time a few other things happened . We took a day trip to see the breeder and let her see Liezel . When Deb tried to pet Liezel 's head , Liezel back away . Deb asked me " You haven 't hit her have you ? " Nope . We went camping one weekend and Liezel was so frantic and worried she barked the entire time and got to the point of vomiting from nervousness . We actually took her for a car ride hoping 1 ) to calm her down and 2 ) let the other campers have some peace and quiet . She started barking and lunging at all strangers - going into and out of daycare , at agility class , on a walk , etc . All strangers . And she would freak out at the sound of any car door outside , the doorbell ( real or on TV ) , or the neighbors she could see in their house from the backyard . When I say " freaking out " she would jump up , front paws on the front door , scratching , barking , spit flying , hackles up . Most times there was nothing there . Then it would take an hour or more for her to calm down . I spoke with the trainer about all of this . She did not seem very concerned and gave the impression that Liezel could outgrow it . This was insufficient for me . I needed an action plan . We also had a guy out to our house who represented a company that used e - collars . The company came recommended to us by a family member . His presentation and explanation was really off - putting . We didn 't understand the concept and wondered how could we expect Liezel to understand if we didn 't . Additionally , he said " The dog will have to wear a muzzle in order for me to work with her . " I 'm not opposed to using a muzzle , but he made no attempt to interact with Liezel . His idea was put a muzzle on her and an e - collar and get started . Neither my husband nor I got a good feeling about this so the idea was quickly discarded . The third trainer , Lynn , taught me about thresholds . Not letting Liezel get to the point of reacting because once she was over threshold she was unable to learn . I guess it would be like trying to learn a new skill while being chased by a bear ? When something scary is happening to you , you are not in a learning frame of mind . Week after week for several months , Lynn came to our house and worked on keeping Liezel under threshold . Here 's how it started . Liezel was in the bedroom when Lynn arrived . She sat at the kitchen table while I went to get Liezel . Liezel and I came out of the bedroom one step at a time . When Liezel saw Lynn , I was to say " Good girl " give her a treat , and retreat to the bedroom . Her reward for looking and not reacting was getting to leave the scary thing / person . After weeks of this , we moved outside . Lynn would be across the street and I would walk Liezel . When Liezel looked at Lynn she was praised and treated . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the lesson was over . Lynn also gave me instructions on a dog training process that taught the dog to stay on a mat / bed / blanket while things went on around it . So day one you tell the dog " go to your mat " and treat her when she gets on it [ Liezel already knew " go to your bed " so this was not difficult to teach ] . Take one step away from the mat and come back with " good girl " and a treat . This goes on and on for weeks with progressively more difficult things like running around the dog / mat , leaving the room , opening the front door , and ringing the doorbell . When you get through the whole thing , you start all over again in a different room . We went through all of the weeks ( it took twice as long as the plan because you can 't move on to the next day if the dog gets off the mat today ) and then started the whole thing over in the backyard . Also during this time , we hired a stranger to do stranger approaches . I found a local pet walker and paid her to sit at one end of the parking lot of an empty factory building , while we , 500 feet away , tried to approach and stay under threshold . The instructions from Lynn on this exercise was to come out from behind the building and wait for Liezel to see the stranger . Once she did , " good girl " and retreat . Do it again and try to get a foot closer . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the training was over for the day . After a few months we could get about 450 feet away before Liezel reacted . I stopped taking her to agility with our original trainer . Liezel seemed to really like running the agility course , but on the sideline she would panic over the other people and dogs . It came to a point where I decided the fun of the course did not outweigh the stress of the sidelines . We talked with our vet about this , all of this . She had blood sent out to test for thyroid issues and the results came back normal . It was time to try medication . Our vet could not prescribe Prozac so we went to a recommended veterinary behaviorist who did . She put Liezel on 30mg / day . The intention of medication was to calm Liezel enough so we could continue working on training under threshold . We were becoming a bit reclusive . An entire summer went by and we never took our camper out of storage . I was avoiding any talk of vacation because I didn 't know what we would do with her . When she was 14 months old we did go on vacation and left her with our original trainer . I checked in with the trainer everyday but got vague responses . Come to find out , Liezel just paced the whole time we were gone . During said summer when we didn 't camp , I came across a trainer that I had emailed months before but never heard back from . He was a police dog trainer so I assumed my issues with Liezel probably weren 't what he was looking to work with . He had a booth set up at a city festival advertising dog training , specifically aggression . I found my original email to him , forwarded it with a note saying " Hey , just saw you at the festival . Please see my email below from several months ago and let me know if you can help . " Simply , Z says : June 18 , 2016 at 10 : 35 am Interesting thoughts . We had a puppy too but sadly parted with her because of allergies . We found a nice home for her . I could relate to your puppy " hating " her crate . I will definitely refer to your blog when we get a second chance . Keep writing . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 18 , 2016 at 11 : 40 am Thank you ! It 's been hard having a fearful dog but also very rewarding ! I hope my lessons can help some one else . Reply Tim Taylor says : June 19 , 2016 at 9 : 14 am I 've read all your posts and I have to say they are extremely interesting . My favorite breed is a Doberman , next is German Shepard and then Rottweilers . I hate little yappin ' dogs with a passion . I absolutely love Wolves and I almost got one once upon a time . For me , that would have been a dream come true . Keep writin ' , ' cause now I wanna know how Liezel progresses ! I , too , have a pooch who doesn 't like the crate idea . She does the same panting , drooling thing , plus licks her front legs into sopping appendages ! I went for the baby gate idea , as well , because it didn 't make any sense to continue to upset her so badly with the crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 24 , 2016 at 5 : 56 pm Thank you ! And thank you for following me . Liezel has been trying , but when I look into her little brown almond eyes , I know she was meant for me and me for her . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply jay1991katira says : June 28 , 2016 at 1 : 33 am Nice one , You gave me nice snaps of pet . I love dogs . thank you Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 7 , 2016 at 8 : 17 am I love dogs , too ! They 're loyal and loving . I 'm glad you like the pictures ! Reply frankprem says : July 1 , 2016 at 6 : 47 pm Gorgeous looking dog . Best luck with raising her , and much enjoyment . Cheers , Frank Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 18 , 2016 at 2 : 26 pm Thanks , Laura . I need to commit some time to writing . We 've had a house guest for two weeks and she 's exhausting ! Reply Vaibhav says : July 26 , 2016 at 6 : 26 am Hi again , thanks for stopping by . I read this post and have to say this - I 'm not a dog person at all , bit scared actually and love cats . However , Liezel looks so adorable . A missed vacation sounds terrible but am sure this phase will pass . Great blog title - it will go places . Have a nice day . Reply txhomegirl says : July 27 , 2016 at 5 : 00 pm Good blog ! I have to know what happened . I love Rotts . I 've owned two males and now own a female . She is much more skittish than my males were . Reply hadleylovesgus says : August 9 , 2016 at 12 : 36 pm I feel your pain ! We have our little yorkie , Gus , who suffers from fear of strangers as well . We are in the process of working with him now too . Thank you for writing ! I am hopeful to do a similar documentation of our journey as its been a great help to hear of other stories of people like us who are working hard to help a pup in this type of situation . Thank you ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 9 , 2016 at 5 : 42 pm I 'm so happy to be able to share this experience with you ! The anxiety and constant stress of Liezel 's fear has been tiresome . Every little accomplishment is celebrated because we 're that much closer to her being comfortable . Thank you for reading . I look forward to hearing more about Gus . LikeLike Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 10 am What a captivating story . Hats off to you for sticking with Liezel . She is truly lucky to have found you guys . We 're having some issues with our Bella ( nothing as severe as this ) and reading this makes me believe there might be hope yet 🙂 Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 14 am Hi Diya . Thanks for reading about Liezel ! Yes , there is hope ! With a good trainer and a lot of patience , improvement can be made . What is Bella doing ? Is she fearful ? Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 22 am Yes she is . Goes on full alert , growls and barks persistently when someone dares to pass by our front door . Thankfully she doesn 't lunge at anyone and sometimes I think she barks more out of fear than possessiveness of her territory . Part of it may just be us reading the signs wrong . We are first time dog owners and are only fostering her for a few weeks . She seems okay at times and just when we think she has finally acclimatized she starts up again . But she 's a sweetheart and we will be sorry to see her go . owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 2 : 54 pm I wish that just once in a while they could talk . All the best with Bella ! LikeLike Vernon says : August 27 , 2016 at 5 : 11 am Hi I 'm a passionate Rottweiler owner . I understand your lost with Zelda . When I lost my first Rott name BAR I said I would never own another dog . It took me years to get over him . Today we have our third one name Sebastian . It was my wife first time ever owning a dog . He had anxiety and tried to run our home when we first got him . I never had a crate with my first two dogs so when Nicole said he have to stay in one until we get him trained from chewing everything I wasn 't sure about it . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 27 , 2016 at 8 : 00 am Hi Vernon ! Your comment made me smile first thing this morning ! Yes , Rottweilers have special personalities . I 'm sorry for your loss of BAR . It is so very painful . Congratulations on opening your heart and home to other dogs - they really do make home a better place . For your wife , a first time male Rottweiler is a brave place to start ! According to the breeder we used , the males goes through an ownership phase where they test you to see what they can get away with . Sure , female go through terrible twos , but I guess it doesn 't compare . You mention the nervousness and insecurities - you are spot on with that ! Liezel picks up my emotions in a frighteningly accurate way . If I 'm even feeling a little off , she starts acting nervous . Maybe that 's proof that she was meant to be mine : ) . I really think that most ( if not all ) Rottweilers are big babies ! ! Liezel 's whole issue is fear , she is afraid of strangers . But the people she knows … she will do anything you tell her for a treat , she wants to lick your face and get her belly rubbed . I 'm happy that your wife loves dogs now . Shelby sounds cute - for a little dog - hahaha ! I 'm more of a big dog kinda gal . Ecohug says : September 14 , 2016 at 11 : 35 am Great post , I really enjoyed reading it and wanted to tell you that you are a great dog mom for sticking it out and really working on helping Liezel . I wanted to ask if you tried anything more natural to relieve anxiety , like herbs that are designed to relax the dog ? We had something similar ( not as bad as yours ) with our dog , Maddie , when we brought her home and giving her some herbs really helped her be calm especially in her crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : September 14 , 2016 at 12 : 55 pm Hi ! Thank you for reading about Liezel ! Yes , she gets two Chinese herbs : Shen Calmer and Chai Hu Shu Gan . Both are from our vet . We noticed HUGE improvements once we started the herbs . At one point last winter I took her off of them since she was doing pretty good and we noticed regression in her reactivity . The vet recommended putting her back on them , and again , they brought her back to a calmer , less reactive dog . Reply 200 Saturdays until Paris says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 26 pm I love what a patient and kind person you have been with your baby . I know it has been hard , but I am so happy you didn 't give up . ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 38 pm Thank you ! She she is wonderful in many , many ways . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 20 , 2016 at 5 : 14 am I 'm exhausted reading what you have been through . Also if you need to have break , Liezel should be in good hands with the breeder . I look forward to reading if it gets better for you . Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 21 , 2016 at 5 : 02 am Yes it was long , but it was very thoroughly written . I was hoping desperately that peace and harmony would reign for you , but I had to wait until now to find out . But I am very glad it has gotten better for you . Good on your parents . John Chon says : November 14 , 2016 at 7 : 06 pm Your dog is so cute ! I really liked how thorough you were in this post . I can tell that you love your dog very much . It 's so great to see loving and responsible dog owners out there 🙂 Keep up the great work ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 15 , 2016 at 4 : 43 am Hi John ! Thank you ! We think she 's pretty cute , too . I 'm very glad you enjoyed reading about Liezel . She is doing so much better . LikeLiked by 1 person charlypriest says : November 17 , 2016 at 12 : 58 pm Cute dog , I myself have a recent addition to the family that is called Tina a bulldog of 7 months . What I find fascinating about all this is … . . the dog has a daycarecenter ! That is unheard here in Spain . That dog has better care as a youngster than I did . I 'm actually jealous . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 17 , 2016 at 2 : 34 pm Oh what we do for our pets here … ! Thank you for reading ! Yay for you and Tina ! There is something so wonderful about having a dog . Reply charlypriest says : November 18 , 2016 at 6 : 09 am She does puts me a smile on the face , although she can be a pain in the but quite a lot of times . Specially when she starts eating walls , chairs , sofas , socks , the list goes on . What a stomach this dog has , it 's bullet proof .
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Knowing nothing about blogs or blogging , I had a * great * idea this morning to start my own and write all about my dog . I considered writing a book … but would there be enough to say and would anyone care ? At least this way , I can get it all out in writing , look at what I 've got and see where it goes . We ( my husband and I ) brought home a 7 . 5 week Rottweiler puppy on January 17 , 2014 . We named her Liezel ( sounds like diesel ) , I 'll spare you the long AKC registered name . I was apprehensive because we had just gone though a painful year and a half of caring for a very sick Rottweiler , Zelda . We put her down just before her second birthday in September , 2013 , and it was heartbreaking . Zelda was my first dog , I loved her more than I knew was possible . Getting a new puppy was scary ( what if she 's sick ) and exciting ( puppies are fun and cute ) . My intention for getting a dog was not only companionship but also to compete in dog sports ( obedience , agility ) , ultimately Schutzhund . We were supposed to start puppy classes right away , but Liezel not having her 12 - week shots , I postponed classes until the " next semester " for fear she would get sick . From 8 weeks to 11 weeks , Liezel stayed home . I took a week off of work , my husband took a week off , and my retired parents stayed with her for a week during the day while we worked . Aside from hating the crate she seemed like a perfectly content pup . The neighbors came over to meet her and when she met their Rottweiler , she was in Heaven ! She took to him like he was her best friend . I wondered if she thought " Wow ! Something like me - just bigger . " I remember commenting that the neighbor 's dog looked at me with an expression of " get this mosquito away from me ! " She loved when he came over . During the 8 - to 12 - week age we had major snowfall in Michigan . We had to dig tracks in the yard for Liezel to go potty since the snow was deeper than she was tall . It was very cold and with the snow and salt we did not take her for walks . However , she went to the pet store ( I carried her ) , the vet , and my parents house for small amounts of exposure . I know , I know " 8 - to 12 - weeks is a critical time for socialization ! " My thought process was I would rather delay socialization a few weeks than take the chance of having another sick dog . At eleven weeks , Liezel started daycare . She couldn 't be with the other puppies yet because she still had a week to go for shots , but she was in the office with the employees - and out of the house . The daycare workers pointed out that she really hated being crated ( yep , we know ) . At home or daycare , while crated she would howl and cry to the point of peeing and / or pooping herself . Never was the crate used for punishment . The purpose of crating her was to create her own private space . The idea being she can go to her crate knowing that when there no one will bother her . It 's her " safe place . " In the meantime , until she realized it was her safe - place she would be crated for naps and at night . It got to the point during what should have been nap time ( she 's fallen asleep somewhere and we pick her up and put her in the crate ) she would just cry , scream and howl . I actually called the breeder and ask " what should we do ? ! " Some dogs don 't take to a crate so the advice was to just let her sleep wherever she laid down . She would still have to be crated at night since she wasn 't fully potty trained . I slept on the floor next to her for four weeks , slowly increasing the distance from her until I could get in to bed . Back to daycare , at 13 weeks she started playing with the other dogs ( shots at 12 weeks , then a week to recover ) . She played with the other puppies and came home worn out . For one hour during the day all the dogs are kenneled ( inside ) for a lunch break . Liezel was still getting three meals a day so this was her lunch and nap break . Being in the kennel alone was as bad as being crated . She would pee / poop herself and cry and howl . One day they had to bathe her because she was in such a tither she got poop all over herself . This was causing me to have some anxiety . I have a happy , healthy puppy who does not like to be crated . I start wondering ' how am I ever going to leave the house ? , ' ' how are we ever going to leave her alone ? , ' ' what have I gotten us into ? ' I talked to the trainer once we started puppy classes and she had some tips . 1 ) never let her out of the crate when she 's crying - doing so will teach her that crying gets her released . Um , she cries the whole time she 's in it . 2 ) hit a wall just outside the room where the crate is . It will get her attention and she will stop to listen . At that moment of silence go get her . 3 ) never tell her " good girl " when she 's coming out of the crate - doing so will teach her getting out is the reward . 4 ) do not show excitement when letting her out . Open the door and walk away . Getting out is not fun / exciting ; going in should be . So over the course of the next couple of months we worked on this . The living room crate for naps was removed and the bedroom crate for nighttime was moved from the foot of the bed to my side . The move would allow her to see down the hallway when she was crated when we went out . Here I should interject that " going out " meant running to the grocery store , maybe going out to dinner , or stopping by my parents ( they live two miles away ) . This wasn 't out to dinner , drinks , and a movie - or even an extended family get - together . We were gone an hour or less . When we got home the crate would be covered in drool and she would be panting . Separation anxiety ? Just complete fear of the crate ? What is the problem , here ? At five months old we stopped using the crate all together . She was locked in our bedroom by a baby gate when we went out and this was a much better solution . She was calmer and we found ( via recording ) that she would curl up on the bed and sleep while we were gone . No drooling , panting , or pacing . She also started sleeping with us at night . It seemed a better option than the nighttime crying , panting , drooling , etc . She jumped into bed , curled up , and that was that . We continued with classes . Puppy class was a great success ! She knew sit , down , shake , watch , and touch before class even started ( remember those several weeks she stayed home ? We were teaching her some stuff . ) so she was kinda the star student [ proud smile ] . By the time we got to intermediate / advanced obedience we noticed some undesirable behaviors . Also around this time , the weather had gotten better and we started taking walks where we also observed undesirable behavior . At class she began barking and attempting to run toward ( on leash ) other people . On a walk , once we got about two houses away , she would turn around pulling toward home . Her happy disposition changed to a vigilant , nervous one . If anyone came out and asked to pet her , she would shrink back and avoid being touched . When she was about 6 months old we were on a walk in the neighborhood . Approaching a driveway partially blocked by a Jeep , two remote control cars came toward us . Liezel barked and lunged at them . The cars were being run by two little boys and the adult started screaming , " Get that dog off of my property before I get my f - ing gun and shoot it . " Hmm . This seemed over - the - top . My then 6 - month old puppy , was startled by the things coming at her , and she reacted . The guy went crazy ! I pointed out to him that I was on city property and I had every right to be there . Well his threats continued so I called the police . He too called the police and was yelling " It 's a Rottweiler ! A ROTTWEILER ! " While on the phone with the police his wife approached me saying " Please , just leave . Please . " Another man in his group approached me saying , " Get out of here you bitch ! " The whole thing escalated very quickly and it really shook me and Liezel up . After this episode I became very nervous about walking Liezel . If you know anything about dogs , you know they feed off their owners ' feelings . So I 'm feeding her nervousness and anxiety by being nervous and anxious . Round and round it went . Around this time a few other things happened . We took a day trip to see the breeder and let her see Liezel . When Deb tried to pet Liezel 's head , Liezel back away . Deb asked me " You haven 't hit her have you ? " Nope . We went camping one weekend and Liezel was so frantic and worried she barked the entire time and got to the point of vomiting from nervousness . We actually took her for a car ride hoping 1 ) to calm her down and 2 ) let the other campers have some peace and quiet . She started barking and lunging at all strangers - going into and out of daycare , at agility class , on a walk , etc . All strangers . And she would freak out at the sound of any car door outside , the doorbell ( real or on TV ) , or the neighbors she could see in their house from the backyard . When I say " freaking out " she would jump up , front paws on the front door , scratching , barking , spit flying , hackles up . Most times there was nothing there . Then it would take an hour or more for her to calm down . I spoke with the trainer about all of this . She did not seem very concerned and gave the impression that Liezel could outgrow it . This was insufficient for me . I needed an action plan . We also had a guy out to our house who represented a company that used e - collars . The company came recommended to us by a family member . His presentation and explanation was really off - putting . We didn 't understand the concept and wondered how could we expect Liezel to understand if we didn 't . Additionally , he said " The dog will have to wear a muzzle in order for me to work with her . " I 'm not opposed to using a muzzle , but he made no attempt to interact with Liezel . His idea was put a muzzle on her and an e - collar and get started . Neither my husband nor I got a good feeling about this so the idea was quickly discarded . The third trainer , Lynn , taught me about thresholds . Not letting Liezel get to the point of reacting because once she was over threshold she was unable to learn . I guess it would be like trying to learn a new skill while being chased by a bear ? When something scary is happening to you , you are not in a learning frame of mind . Week after week for several months , Lynn came to our house and worked on keeping Liezel under threshold . Here 's how it started . Liezel was in the bedroom when Lynn arrived . She sat at the kitchen table while I went to get Liezel . Liezel and I came out of the bedroom one step at a time . When Liezel saw Lynn , I was to say " Good girl " give her a treat , and retreat to the bedroom . Her reward for looking and not reacting was getting to leave the scary thing / person . After weeks of this , we moved outside . Lynn would be across the street and I would walk Liezel . When Liezel looked at Lynn she was praised and treated . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the lesson was over . Lynn also gave me instructions on a dog training process that taught the dog to stay on a mat / bed / blanket while things went on around it . So day one you tell the dog " go to your mat " and treat her when she gets on it [ Liezel already knew " go to your bed " so this was not difficult to teach ] . Take one step away from the mat and come back with " good girl " and a treat . This goes on and on for weeks with progressively more difficult things like running around the dog / mat , leaving the room , opening the front door , and ringing the doorbell . When you get through the whole thing , you start all over again in a different room . We went through all of the weeks ( it took twice as long as the plan because you can 't move on to the next day if the dog gets off the mat today ) and then started the whole thing over in the backyard . Also during this time , we hired a stranger to do stranger approaches . I found a local pet walker and paid her to sit at one end of the parking lot of an empty factory building , while we , 500 feet away , tried to approach and stay under threshold . The instructions from Lynn on this exercise was to come out from behind the building and wait for Liezel to see the stranger . Once she did , " good girl " and retreat . Do it again and try to get a foot closer . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the training was over for the day . After a few months we could get about 450 feet away before Liezel reacted . I stopped taking her to agility with our original trainer . Liezel seemed to really like running the agility course , but on the sideline she would panic over the other people and dogs . It came to a point where I decided the fun of the course did not outweigh the stress of the sidelines . We talked with our vet about this , all of this . She had blood sent out to test for thyroid issues and the results came back normal . It was time to try medication . Our vet could not prescribe Prozac so we went to a recommended veterinary behaviorist who did . She put Liezel on 30mg / day . The intention of medication was to calm Liezel enough so we could continue working on training under threshold . We were becoming a bit reclusive . An entire summer went by and we never took our camper out of storage . I was avoiding any talk of vacation because I didn 't know what we would do with her . When she was 14 months old we did go on vacation and left her with our original trainer . I checked in with the trainer everyday but got vague responses . Come to find out , Liezel just paced the whole time we were gone . During said summer when we didn 't camp , I came across a trainer that I had emailed months before but never heard back from . He was a police dog trainer so I assumed my issues with Liezel probably weren 't what he was looking to work with . He had a booth set up at a city festival advertising dog training , specifically aggression . I found my original email to him , forwarded it with a note saying " Hey , just saw you at the festival . Please see my email below from several months ago and let me know if you can help . " Simply , Z says : June 18 , 2016 at 10 : 35 am Interesting thoughts . We had a puppy too but sadly parted with her because of allergies . We found a nice home for her . I could relate to your puppy " hating " her crate . I will definitely refer to your blog when we get a second chance . Keep writing . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 18 , 2016 at 11 : 40 am Thank you ! It 's been hard having a fearful dog but also very rewarding ! I hope my lessons can help some one else . Reply Tim Taylor says : June 19 , 2016 at 9 : 14 am I 've read all your posts and I have to say they are extremely interesting . My favorite breed is a Doberman , next is German Shepard and then Rottweilers . I hate little yappin ' dogs with a passion . I absolutely love Wolves and I almost got one once upon a time . For me , that would have been a dream come true . Keep writin ' , ' cause now I wanna know how Liezel progresses ! I , too , have a pooch who doesn 't like the crate idea . She does the same panting , drooling thing , plus licks her front legs into sopping appendages ! I went for the baby gate idea , as well , because it didn 't make any sense to continue to upset her so badly with the crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 24 , 2016 at 5 : 56 pm Thank you ! And thank you for following me . Liezel has been trying , but when I look into her little brown almond eyes , I know she was meant for me and me for her . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply jay1991katira says : June 28 , 2016 at 1 : 33 am Nice one , You gave me nice snaps of pet . I love dogs . thank you Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 7 , 2016 at 8 : 17 am I love dogs , too ! They 're loyal and loving . I 'm glad you like the pictures ! Reply frankprem says : July 1 , 2016 at 6 : 47 pm Gorgeous looking dog . Best luck with raising her , and much enjoyment . Cheers , Frank Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 18 , 2016 at 2 : 26 pm Thanks , Laura . I need to commit some time to writing . We 've had a house guest for two weeks and she 's exhausting ! Reply Vaibhav says : July 26 , 2016 at 6 : 26 am Hi again , thanks for stopping by . I read this post and have to say this - I 'm not a dog person at all , bit scared actually and love cats . However , Liezel looks so adorable . A missed vacation sounds terrible but am sure this phase will pass . Great blog title - it will go places . Have a nice day . Reply txhomegirl says : July 27 , 2016 at 5 : 00 pm Good blog ! I have to know what happened . I love Rotts . I 've owned two males and now own a female . She is much more skittish than my males were . Reply hadleylovesgus says : August 9 , 2016 at 12 : 36 pm I feel your pain ! We have our little yorkie , Gus , who suffers from fear of strangers as well . We are in the process of working with him now too . Thank you for writing ! I am hopeful to do a similar documentation of our journey as its been a great help to hear of other stories of people like us who are working hard to help a pup in this type of situation . Thank you ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 9 , 2016 at 5 : 42 pm I 'm so happy to be able to share this experience with you ! The anxiety and constant stress of Liezel 's fear has been tiresome . Every little accomplishment is celebrated because we 're that much closer to her being comfortable . Thank you for reading . I look forward to hearing more about Gus . LikeLike Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 10 am What a captivating story . Hats off to you for sticking with Liezel . She is truly lucky to have found you guys . We 're having some issues with our Bella ( nothing as severe as this ) and reading this makes me believe there might be hope yet 🙂 Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 14 am Hi Diya . Thanks for reading about Liezel ! Yes , there is hope ! With a good trainer and a lot of patience , improvement can be made . What is Bella doing ? Is she fearful ? Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 22 am Yes she is . Goes on full alert , growls and barks persistently when someone dares to pass by our front door . Thankfully she doesn 't lunge at anyone and sometimes I think she barks more out of fear than possessiveness of her territory . Part of it may just be us reading the signs wrong . We are first time dog owners and are only fostering her for a few weeks . She seems okay at times and just when we think she has finally acclimatized she starts up again . But she 's a sweetheart and we will be sorry to see her go . owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 2 : 54 pm I wish that just once in a while they could talk . All the best with Bella ! LikeLike Vernon says : August 27 , 2016 at 5 : 11 am Hi I 'm a passionate Rottweiler owner . I understand your lost with Zelda . When I lost my first Rott name BAR I said I would never own another dog . It took me years to get over him . Today we have our third one name Sebastian . It was my wife first time ever owning a dog . He had anxiety and tried to run our home when we first got him . I never had a crate with my first two dogs so when Nicole said he have to stay in one until we get him trained from chewing everything I wasn 't sure about it . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 27 , 2016 at 8 : 00 am Hi Vernon ! Your comment made me smile first thing this morning ! Yes , Rottweilers have special personalities . I 'm sorry for your loss of BAR . It is so very painful . Congratulations on opening your heart and home to other dogs - they really do make home a better place . For your wife , a first time male Rottweiler is a brave place to start ! According to the breeder we used , the males goes through an ownership phase where they test you to see what they can get away with . Sure , female go through terrible twos , but I guess it doesn 't compare . You mention the nervousness and insecurities - you are spot on with that ! Liezel picks up my emotions in a frighteningly accurate way . If I 'm even feeling a little off , she starts acting nervous . Maybe that 's proof that she was meant to be mine : ) . I really think that most ( if not all ) Rottweilers are big babies ! ! Liezel 's whole issue is fear , she is afraid of strangers . But the people she knows … she will do anything you tell her for a treat , she wants to lick your face and get her belly rubbed . I 'm happy that your wife loves dogs now . Shelby sounds cute - for a little dog - hahaha ! I 'm more of a big dog kinda gal . Ecohug says : September 14 , 2016 at 11 : 35 am Great post , I really enjoyed reading it and wanted to tell you that you are a great dog mom for sticking it out and really working on helping Liezel . I wanted to ask if you tried anything more natural to relieve anxiety , like herbs that are designed to relax the dog ? We had something similar ( not as bad as yours ) with our dog , Maddie , when we brought her home and giving her some herbs really helped her be calm especially in her crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : September 14 , 2016 at 12 : 55 pm Hi ! Thank you for reading about Liezel ! Yes , she gets two Chinese herbs : Shen Calmer and Chai Hu Shu Gan . Both are from our vet . We noticed HUGE improvements once we started the herbs . At one point last winter I took her off of them since she was doing pretty good and we noticed regression in her reactivity . The vet recommended putting her back on them , and again , they brought her back to a calmer , less reactive dog . Reply 200 Saturdays until Paris says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 26 pm I love what a patient and kind person you have been with your baby . I know it has been hard , but I am so happy you didn 't give up . ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 38 pm Thank you ! She she is wonderful in many , many ways . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 20 , 2016 at 5 : 14 am I 'm exhausted reading what you have been through . Also if you need to have break , Liezel should be in good hands with the breeder . I look forward to reading if it gets better for you . Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 21 , 2016 at 5 : 02 am Yes it was long , but it was very thoroughly written . I was hoping desperately that peace and harmony would reign for you , but I had to wait until now to find out . But I am very glad it has gotten better for you . Good on your parents . John Chon says : November 14 , 2016 at 7 : 06 pm Your dog is so cute ! I really liked how thorough you were in this post . I can tell that you love your dog very much . It 's so great to see loving and responsible dog owners out there 🙂 Keep up the great work ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 15 , 2016 at 4 : 43 am Hi John ! Thank you ! We think she 's pretty cute , too . I 'm very glad you enjoyed reading about Liezel . She is doing so much better . LikeLiked by 1 person charlypriest says : November 17 , 2016 at 12 : 58 pm Cute dog , I myself have a recent addition to the family that is called Tina a bulldog of 7 months . What I find fascinating about all this is … . . the dog has a daycarecenter ! That is unheard here in Spain . That dog has better care as a youngster than I did . I 'm actually jealous . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 17 , 2016 at 2 : 34 pm Oh what we do for our pets here … ! Thank you for reading ! Yay for you and Tina ! There is something so wonderful about having a dog . Reply charlypriest says : November 18 , 2016 at 6 : 09 am She does puts me a smile on the face , although she can be a pain in the but quite a lot of times . Specially when she starts eating walls , chairs , sofas , socks , the list goes on . What a stomach this dog has , it 's bullet proof .
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Knowing nothing about blogs or blogging , I had a * great * idea this morning to start my own and write all about my dog . I considered writing a book … but would there be enough to say and would anyone care ? At least this way , I can get it all out in writing , look at what I 've got and see where it goes . We ( my husband and I ) brought home a 7 . 5 week Rottweiler puppy on January 17 , 2014 . We named her Liezel ( sounds like diesel ) , I 'll spare you the long AKC registered name . I was apprehensive because we had just gone though a painful year and a half of caring for a very sick Rottweiler , Zelda . We put her down just before her second birthday in September , 2013 , and it was heartbreaking . Zelda was my first dog , I loved her more than I knew was possible . Getting a new puppy was scary ( what if she 's sick ) and exciting ( puppies are fun and cute ) . My intention for getting a dog was not only companionship but also to compete in dog sports ( obedience , agility ) , ultimately Schutzhund . We were supposed to start puppy classes right away , but Liezel not having her 12 - week shots , I postponed classes until the " next semester " for fear she would get sick . From 8 weeks to 11 weeks , Liezel stayed home . I took a week off of work , my husband took a week off , and my retired parents stayed with her for a week during the day while we worked . Aside from hating the crate she seemed like a perfectly content pup . The neighbors came over to meet her and when she met their Rottweiler , she was in Heaven ! She took to him like he was her best friend . I wondered if she thought " Wow ! Something like me - just bigger . " I remember commenting that the neighbor 's dog looked at me with an expression of " get this mosquito away from me ! " She loved when he came over . During the 8 - to 12 - week age we had major snowfall in Michigan . We had to dig tracks in the yard for Liezel to go potty since the snow was deeper than she was tall . It was very cold and with the snow and salt we did not take her for walks . However , she went to the pet store ( I carried her ) , the vet , and my parents house for small amounts of exposure . I know , I know " 8 - to 12 - weeks is a critical time for socialization ! " My thought process was I would rather delay socialization a few weeks than take the chance of having another sick dog . At eleven weeks , Liezel started daycare . She couldn 't be with the other puppies yet because she still had a week to go for shots , but she was in the office with the employees - and out of the house . The daycare workers pointed out that she really hated being crated ( yep , we know ) . At home or daycare , while crated she would howl and cry to the point of peeing and / or pooping herself . Never was the crate used for punishment . The purpose of crating her was to create her own private space . The idea being she can go to her crate knowing that when there no one will bother her . It 's her " safe place . " In the meantime , until she realized it was her safe - place she would be crated for naps and at night . It got to the point during what should have been nap time ( she 's fallen asleep somewhere and we pick her up and put her in the crate ) she would just cry , scream and howl . I actually called the breeder and ask " what should we do ? ! " Some dogs don 't take to a crate so the advice was to just let her sleep wherever she laid down . She would still have to be crated at night since she wasn 't fully potty trained . I slept on the floor next to her for four weeks , slowly increasing the distance from her until I could get in to bed . Back to daycare , at 13 weeks she started playing with the other dogs ( shots at 12 weeks , then a week to recover ) . She played with the other puppies and came home worn out . For one hour during the day all the dogs are kenneled ( inside ) for a lunch break . Liezel was still getting three meals a day so this was her lunch and nap break . Being in the kennel alone was as bad as being crated . She would pee / poop herself and cry and howl . One day they had to bathe her because she was in such a tither she got poop all over herself . This was causing me to have some anxiety . I have a happy , healthy puppy who does not like to be crated . I start wondering ' how am I ever going to leave the house ? , ' ' how are we ever going to leave her alone ? , ' ' what have I gotten us into ? ' I talked to the trainer once we started puppy classes and she had some tips . 1 ) never let her out of the crate when she 's crying - doing so will teach her that crying gets her released . Um , she cries the whole time she 's in it . 2 ) hit a wall just outside the room where the crate is . It will get her attention and she will stop to listen . At that moment of silence go get her . 3 ) never tell her " good girl " when she 's coming out of the crate - doing so will teach her getting out is the reward . 4 ) do not show excitement when letting her out . Open the door and walk away . Getting out is not fun / exciting ; going in should be . So over the course of the next couple of months we worked on this . The living room crate for naps was removed and the bedroom crate for nighttime was moved from the foot of the bed to my side . The move would allow her to see down the hallway when she was crated when we went out . Here I should interject that " going out " meant running to the grocery store , maybe going out to dinner , or stopping by my parents ( they live two miles away ) . This wasn 't out to dinner , drinks , and a movie - or even an extended family get - together . We were gone an hour or less . When we got home the crate would be covered in drool and she would be panting . Separation anxiety ? Just complete fear of the crate ? What is the problem , here ? At five months old we stopped using the crate all together . She was locked in our bedroom by a baby gate when we went out and this was a much better solution . She was calmer and we found ( via recording ) that she would curl up on the bed and sleep while we were gone . No drooling , panting , or pacing . She also started sleeping with us at night . It seemed a better option than the nighttime crying , panting , drooling , etc . She jumped into bed , curled up , and that was that . We continued with classes . Puppy class was a great success ! She knew sit , down , shake , watch , and touch before class even started ( remember those several weeks she stayed home ? We were teaching her some stuff . ) so she was kinda the star student [ proud smile ] . By the time we got to intermediate / advanced obedience we noticed some undesirable behaviors . Also around this time , the weather had gotten better and we started taking walks where we also observed undesirable behavior . At class she began barking and attempting to run toward ( on leash ) other people . On a walk , once we got about two houses away , she would turn around pulling toward home . Her happy disposition changed to a vigilant , nervous one . If anyone came out and asked to pet her , she would shrink back and avoid being touched . When she was about 6 months old we were on a walk in the neighborhood . Approaching a driveway partially blocked by a Jeep , two remote control cars came toward us . Liezel barked and lunged at them . The cars were being run by two little boys and the adult started screaming , " Get that dog off of my property before I get my f - ing gun and shoot it . " Hmm . This seemed over - the - top . My then 6 - month old puppy , was startled by the things coming at her , and she reacted . The guy went crazy ! I pointed out to him that I was on city property and I had every right to be there . Well his threats continued so I called the police . He too called the police and was yelling " It 's a Rottweiler ! A ROTTWEILER ! " While on the phone with the police his wife approached me saying " Please , just leave . Please . " Another man in his group approached me saying , " Get out of here you bitch ! " The whole thing escalated very quickly and it really shook me and Liezel up . After this episode I became very nervous about walking Liezel . If you know anything about dogs , you know they feed off their owners ' feelings . So I 'm feeding her nervousness and anxiety by being nervous and anxious . Round and round it went . Around this time a few other things happened . We took a day trip to see the breeder and let her see Liezel . When Deb tried to pet Liezel 's head , Liezel back away . Deb asked me " You haven 't hit her have you ? " Nope . We went camping one weekend and Liezel was so frantic and worried she barked the entire time and got to the point of vomiting from nervousness . We actually took her for a car ride hoping 1 ) to calm her down and 2 ) let the other campers have some peace and quiet . She started barking and lunging at all strangers - going into and out of daycare , at agility class , on a walk , etc . All strangers . And she would freak out at the sound of any car door outside , the doorbell ( real or on TV ) , or the neighbors she could see in their house from the backyard . When I say " freaking out " she would jump up , front paws on the front door , scratching , barking , spit flying , hackles up . Most times there was nothing there . Then it would take an hour or more for her to calm down . I spoke with the trainer about all of this . She did not seem very concerned and gave the impression that Liezel could outgrow it . This was insufficient for me . I needed an action plan . We also had a guy out to our house who represented a company that used e - collars . The company came recommended to us by a family member . His presentation and explanation was really off - putting . We didn 't understand the concept and wondered how could we expect Liezel to understand if we didn 't . Additionally , he said " The dog will have to wear a muzzle in order for me to work with her . " I 'm not opposed to using a muzzle , but he made no attempt to interact with Liezel . His idea was put a muzzle on her and an e - collar and get started . Neither my husband nor I got a good feeling about this so the idea was quickly discarded . The third trainer , Lynn , taught me about thresholds . Not letting Liezel get to the point of reacting because once she was over threshold she was unable to learn . I guess it would be like trying to learn a new skill while being chased by a bear ? When something scary is happening to you , you are not in a learning frame of mind . Week after week for several months , Lynn came to our house and worked on keeping Liezel under threshold . Here 's how it started . Liezel was in the bedroom when Lynn arrived . She sat at the kitchen table while I went to get Liezel . Liezel and I came out of the bedroom one step at a time . When Liezel saw Lynn , I was to say " Good girl " give her a treat , and retreat to the bedroom . Her reward for looking and not reacting was getting to leave the scary thing / person . After weeks of this , we moved outside . Lynn would be across the street and I would walk Liezel . When Liezel looked at Lynn she was praised and treated . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the lesson was over . Lynn also gave me instructions on a dog training process that taught the dog to stay on a mat / bed / blanket while things went on around it . So day one you tell the dog " go to your mat " and treat her when she gets on it [ Liezel already knew " go to your bed " so this was not difficult to teach ] . Take one step away from the mat and come back with " good girl " and a treat . This goes on and on for weeks with progressively more difficult things like running around the dog / mat , leaving the room , opening the front door , and ringing the doorbell . When you get through the whole thing , you start all over again in a different room . We went through all of the weeks ( it took twice as long as the plan because you can 't move on to the next day if the dog gets off the mat today ) and then started the whole thing over in the backyard . Also during this time , we hired a stranger to do stranger approaches . I found a local pet walker and paid her to sit at one end of the parking lot of an empty factory building , while we , 500 feet away , tried to approach and stay under threshold . The instructions from Lynn on this exercise was to come out from behind the building and wait for Liezel to see the stranger . Once she did , " good girl " and retreat . Do it again and try to get a foot closer . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the training was over for the day . After a few months we could get about 450 feet away before Liezel reacted . I stopped taking her to agility with our original trainer . Liezel seemed to really like running the agility course , but on the sideline she would panic over the other people and dogs . It came to a point where I decided the fun of the course did not outweigh the stress of the sidelines . We talked with our vet about this , all of this . She had blood sent out to test for thyroid issues and the results came back normal . It was time to try medication . Our vet could not prescribe Prozac so we went to a recommended veterinary behaviorist who did . She put Liezel on 30mg / day . The intention of medication was to calm Liezel enough so we could continue working on training under threshold . We were becoming a bit reclusive . An entire summer went by and we never took our camper out of storage . I was avoiding any talk of vacation because I didn 't know what we would do with her . When she was 14 months old we did go on vacation and left her with our original trainer . I checked in with the trainer everyday but got vague responses . Come to find out , Liezel just paced the whole time we were gone . During said summer when we didn 't camp , I came across a trainer that I had emailed months before but never heard back from . He was a police dog trainer so I assumed my issues with Liezel probably weren 't what he was looking to work with . He had a booth set up at a city festival advertising dog training , specifically aggression . I found my original email to him , forwarded it with a note saying " Hey , just saw you at the festival . Please see my email below from several months ago and let me know if you can help . " Simply , Z says : June 18 , 2016 at 10 : 35 am Interesting thoughts . We had a puppy too but sadly parted with her because of allergies . We found a nice home for her . I could relate to your puppy " hating " her crate . I will definitely refer to your blog when we get a second chance . Keep writing . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 18 , 2016 at 11 : 40 am Thank you ! It 's been hard having a fearful dog but also very rewarding ! I hope my lessons can help some one else . Reply Tim Taylor says : June 19 , 2016 at 9 : 14 am I 've read all your posts and I have to say they are extremely interesting . My favorite breed is a Doberman , next is German Shepard and then Rottweilers . I hate little yappin ' dogs with a passion . I absolutely love Wolves and I almost got one once upon a time . For me , that would have been a dream come true . Keep writin ' , ' cause now I wanna know how Liezel progresses ! I , too , have a pooch who doesn 't like the crate idea . She does the same panting , drooling thing , plus licks her front legs into sopping appendages ! I went for the baby gate idea , as well , because it didn 't make any sense to continue to upset her so badly with the crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 24 , 2016 at 5 : 56 pm Thank you ! And thank you for following me . Liezel has been trying , but when I look into her little brown almond eyes , I know she was meant for me and me for her . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply jay1991katira says : June 28 , 2016 at 1 : 33 am Nice one , You gave me nice snaps of pet . I love dogs . thank you Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 7 , 2016 at 8 : 17 am I love dogs , too ! They 're loyal and loving . I 'm glad you like the pictures ! Reply frankprem says : July 1 , 2016 at 6 : 47 pm Gorgeous looking dog . Best luck with raising her , and much enjoyment . Cheers , Frank Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 18 , 2016 at 2 : 26 pm Thanks , Laura . I need to commit some time to writing . We 've had a house guest for two weeks and she 's exhausting ! Reply Vaibhav says : July 26 , 2016 at 6 : 26 am Hi again , thanks for stopping by . I read this post and have to say this - I 'm not a dog person at all , bit scared actually and love cats . However , Liezel looks so adorable . A missed vacation sounds terrible but am sure this phase will pass . Great blog title - it will go places . Have a nice day . Reply txhomegirl says : July 27 , 2016 at 5 : 00 pm Good blog ! I have to know what happened . I love Rotts . I 've owned two males and now own a female . She is much more skittish than my males were . Reply hadleylovesgus says : August 9 , 2016 at 12 : 36 pm I feel your pain ! We have our little yorkie , Gus , who suffers from fear of strangers as well . We are in the process of working with him now too . Thank you for writing ! I am hopeful to do a similar documentation of our journey as its been a great help to hear of other stories of people like us who are working hard to help a pup in this type of situation . Thank you ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 9 , 2016 at 5 : 42 pm I 'm so happy to be able to share this experience with you ! The anxiety and constant stress of Liezel 's fear has been tiresome . Every little accomplishment is celebrated because we 're that much closer to her being comfortable . Thank you for reading . I look forward to hearing more about Gus . LikeLike Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 10 am What a captivating story . Hats off to you for sticking with Liezel . She is truly lucky to have found you guys . We 're having some issues with our Bella ( nothing as severe as this ) and reading this makes me believe there might be hope yet 🙂 Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 14 am Hi Diya . Thanks for reading about Liezel ! Yes , there is hope ! With a good trainer and a lot of patience , improvement can be made . What is Bella doing ? Is she fearful ? Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 22 am Yes she is . Goes on full alert , growls and barks persistently when someone dares to pass by our front door . Thankfully she doesn 't lunge at anyone and sometimes I think she barks more out of fear than possessiveness of her territory . Part of it may just be us reading the signs wrong . We are first time dog owners and are only fostering her for a few weeks . She seems okay at times and just when we think she has finally acclimatized she starts up again . But she 's a sweetheart and we will be sorry to see her go . owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 2 : 54 pm I wish that just once in a while they could talk . All the best with Bella ! LikeLike Vernon says : August 27 , 2016 at 5 : 11 am Hi I 'm a passionate Rottweiler owner . I understand your lost with Zelda . When I lost my first Rott name BAR I said I would never own another dog . It took me years to get over him . Today we have our third one name Sebastian . It was my wife first time ever owning a dog . He had anxiety and tried to run our home when we first got him . I never had a crate with my first two dogs so when Nicole said he have to stay in one until we get him trained from chewing everything I wasn 't sure about it . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 27 , 2016 at 8 : 00 am Hi Vernon ! Your comment made me smile first thing this morning ! Yes , Rottweilers have special personalities . I 'm sorry for your loss of BAR . It is so very painful . Congratulations on opening your heart and home to other dogs - they really do make home a better place . For your wife , a first time male Rottweiler is a brave place to start ! According to the breeder we used , the males goes through an ownership phase where they test you to see what they can get away with . Sure , female go through terrible twos , but I guess it doesn 't compare . You mention the nervousness and insecurities - you are spot on with that ! Liezel picks up my emotions in a frighteningly accurate way . If I 'm even feeling a little off , she starts acting nervous . Maybe that 's proof that she was meant to be mine : ) . I really think that most ( if not all ) Rottweilers are big babies ! ! Liezel 's whole issue is fear , she is afraid of strangers . But the people she knows … she will do anything you tell her for a treat , she wants to lick your face and get her belly rubbed . I 'm happy that your wife loves dogs now . Shelby sounds cute - for a little dog - hahaha ! I 'm more of a big dog kinda gal . Ecohug says : September 14 , 2016 at 11 : 35 am Great post , I really enjoyed reading it and wanted to tell you that you are a great dog mom for sticking it out and really working on helping Liezel . I wanted to ask if you tried anything more natural to relieve anxiety , like herbs that are designed to relax the dog ? We had something similar ( not as bad as yours ) with our dog , Maddie , when we brought her home and giving her some herbs really helped her be calm especially in her crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : September 14 , 2016 at 12 : 55 pm Hi ! Thank you for reading about Liezel ! Yes , she gets two Chinese herbs : Shen Calmer and Chai Hu Shu Gan . Both are from our vet . We noticed HUGE improvements once we started the herbs . At one point last winter I took her off of them since she was doing pretty good and we noticed regression in her reactivity . The vet recommended putting her back on them , and again , they brought her back to a calmer , less reactive dog . Reply 200 Saturdays until Paris says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 26 pm I love what a patient and kind person you have been with your baby . I know it has been hard , but I am so happy you didn 't give up . ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 38 pm Thank you ! She she is wonderful in many , many ways . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 20 , 2016 at 5 : 14 am I 'm exhausted reading what you have been through . Also if you need to have break , Liezel should be in good hands with the breeder . I look forward to reading if it gets better for you . Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 21 , 2016 at 5 : 02 am Yes it was long , but it was very thoroughly written . I was hoping desperately that peace and harmony would reign for you , but I had to wait until now to find out . But I am very glad it has gotten better for you . Good on your parents . John Chon says : November 14 , 2016 at 7 : 06 pm Your dog is so cute ! I really liked how thorough you were in this post . I can tell that you love your dog very much . It 's so great to see loving and responsible dog owners out there 🙂 Keep up the great work ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 15 , 2016 at 4 : 43 am Hi John ! Thank you ! We think she 's pretty cute , too . I 'm very glad you enjoyed reading about Liezel . She is doing so much better . LikeLiked by 1 person charlypriest says : November 17 , 2016 at 12 : 58 pm Cute dog , I myself have a recent addition to the family that is called Tina a bulldog of 7 months . What I find fascinating about all this is … . . the dog has a daycarecenter ! That is unheard here in Spain . That dog has better care as a youngster than I did . I 'm actually jealous . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 17 , 2016 at 2 : 34 pm Oh what we do for our pets here … ! Thank you for reading ! Yay for you and Tina ! There is something so wonderful about having a dog . Reply charlypriest says : November 18 , 2016 at 6 : 09 am She does puts me a smile on the face , although she can be a pain in the but quite a lot of times . Specially when she starts eating walls , chairs , sofas , socks , the list goes on . What a stomach this dog has , it 's bullet proof .
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Knowing nothing about blogs or blogging , I had a * great * idea this morning to start my own and write all about my dog . I considered writing a book … but would there be enough to say and would anyone care ? At least this way , I can get it all out in writing , look at what I 've got and see where it goes . We ( my husband and I ) brought home a 7 . 5 week Rottweiler puppy on January 17 , 2014 . We named her Liezel ( sounds like diesel ) , I 'll spare you the long AKC registered name . I was apprehensive because we had just gone though a painful year and a half of caring for a very sick Rottweiler , Zelda . We put her down just before her second birthday in September , 2013 , and it was heartbreaking . Zelda was my first dog , I loved her more than I knew was possible . Getting a new puppy was scary ( what if she 's sick ) and exciting ( puppies are fun and cute ) . My intention for getting a dog was not only companionship but also to compete in dog sports ( obedience , agility ) , ultimately Schutzhund . We were supposed to start puppy classes right away , but Liezel not having her 12 - week shots , I postponed classes until the " next semester " for fear she would get sick . From 8 weeks to 11 weeks , Liezel stayed home . I took a week off of work , my husband took a week off , and my retired parents stayed with her for a week during the day while we worked . Aside from hating the crate she seemed like a perfectly content pup . The neighbors came over to meet her and when she met their Rottweiler , she was in Heaven ! She took to him like he was her best friend . I wondered if she thought " Wow ! Something like me - just bigger . " I remember commenting that the neighbor 's dog looked at me with an expression of " get this mosquito away from me ! " She loved when he came over . During the 8 - to 12 - week age we had major snowfall in Michigan . We had to dig tracks in the yard for Liezel to go potty since the snow was deeper than she was tall . It was very cold and with the snow and salt we did not take her for walks . However , she went to the pet store ( I carried her ) , the vet , and my parents house for small amounts of exposure . I know , I know " 8 - to 12 - weeks is a critical time for socialization ! " My thought process was I would rather delay socialization a few weeks than take the chance of having another sick dog . At eleven weeks , Liezel started daycare . She couldn 't be with the other puppies yet because she still had a week to go for shots , but she was in the office with the employees - and out of the house . The daycare workers pointed out that she really hated being crated ( yep , we know ) . At home or daycare , while crated she would howl and cry to the point of peeing and / or pooping herself . Never was the crate used for punishment . The purpose of crating her was to create her own private space . The idea being she can go to her crate knowing that when there no one will bother her . It 's her " safe place . " In the meantime , until she realized it was her safe - place she would be crated for naps and at night . It got to the point during what should have been nap time ( she 's fallen asleep somewhere and we pick her up and put her in the crate ) she would just cry , scream and howl . I actually called the breeder and ask " what should we do ? ! " Some dogs don 't take to a crate so the advice was to just let her sleep wherever she laid down . She would still have to be crated at night since she wasn 't fully potty trained . I slept on the floor next to her for four weeks , slowly increasing the distance from her until I could get in to bed . Back to daycare , at 13 weeks she started playing with the other dogs ( shots at 12 weeks , then a week to recover ) . She played with the other puppies and came home worn out . For one hour during the day all the dogs are kenneled ( inside ) for a lunch break . Liezel was still getting three meals a day so this was her lunch and nap break . Being in the kennel alone was as bad as being crated . She would pee / poop herself and cry and howl . One day they had to bathe her because she was in such a tither she got poop all over herself . This was causing me to have some anxiety . I have a happy , healthy puppy who does not like to be crated . I start wondering ' how am I ever going to leave the house ? , ' ' how are we ever going to leave her alone ? , ' ' what have I gotten us into ? ' I talked to the trainer once we started puppy classes and she had some tips . 1 ) never let her out of the crate when she 's crying - doing so will teach her that crying gets her released . Um , she cries the whole time she 's in it . 2 ) hit a wall just outside the room where the crate is . It will get her attention and she will stop to listen . At that moment of silence go get her . 3 ) never tell her " good girl " when she 's coming out of the crate - doing so will teach her getting out is the reward . 4 ) do not show excitement when letting her out . Open the door and walk away . Getting out is not fun / exciting ; going in should be . So over the course of the next couple of months we worked on this . The living room crate for naps was removed and the bedroom crate for nighttime was moved from the foot of the bed to my side . The move would allow her to see down the hallway when she was crated when we went out . Here I should interject that " going out " meant running to the grocery store , maybe going out to dinner , or stopping by my parents ( they live two miles away ) . This wasn 't out to dinner , drinks , and a movie - or even an extended family get - together . We were gone an hour or less . When we got home the crate would be covered in drool and she would be panting . Separation anxiety ? Just complete fear of the crate ? What is the problem , here ? At five months old we stopped using the crate all together . She was locked in our bedroom by a baby gate when we went out and this was a much better solution . She was calmer and we found ( via recording ) that she would curl up on the bed and sleep while we were gone . No drooling , panting , or pacing . She also started sleeping with us at night . It seemed a better option than the nighttime crying , panting , drooling , etc . She jumped into bed , curled up , and that was that . We continued with classes . Puppy class was a great success ! She knew sit , down , shake , watch , and touch before class even started ( remember those several weeks she stayed home ? We were teaching her some stuff . ) so she was kinda the star student [ proud smile ] . By the time we got to intermediate / advanced obedience we noticed some undesirable behaviors . Also around this time , the weather had gotten better and we started taking walks where we also observed undesirable behavior . At class she began barking and attempting to run toward ( on leash ) other people . On a walk , once we got about two houses away , she would turn around pulling toward home . Her happy disposition changed to a vigilant , nervous one . If anyone came out and asked to pet her , she would shrink back and avoid being touched . When she was about 6 months old we were on a walk in the neighborhood . Approaching a driveway partially blocked by a Jeep , two remote control cars came toward us . Liezel barked and lunged at them . The cars were being run by two little boys and the adult started screaming , " Get that dog off of my property before I get my f - ing gun and shoot it . " Hmm . This seemed over - the - top . My then 6 - month old puppy , was startled by the things coming at her , and she reacted . The guy went crazy ! I pointed out to him that I was on city property and I had every right to be there . Well his threats continued so I called the police . He too called the police and was yelling " It 's a Rottweiler ! A ROTTWEILER ! " While on the phone with the police his wife approached me saying " Please , just leave . Please . " Another man in his group approached me saying , " Get out of here you bitch ! " The whole thing escalated very quickly and it really shook me and Liezel up . After this episode I became very nervous about walking Liezel . If you know anything about dogs , you know they feed off their owners ' feelings . So I 'm feeding her nervousness and anxiety by being nervous and anxious . Round and round it went . Around this time a few other things happened . We took a day trip to see the breeder and let her see Liezel . When Deb tried to pet Liezel 's head , Liezel back away . Deb asked me " You haven 't hit her have you ? " Nope . We went camping one weekend and Liezel was so frantic and worried she barked the entire time and got to the point of vomiting from nervousness . We actually took her for a car ride hoping 1 ) to calm her down and 2 ) let the other campers have some peace and quiet . She started barking and lunging at all strangers - going into and out of daycare , at agility class , on a walk , etc . All strangers . And she would freak out at the sound of any car door outside , the doorbell ( real or on TV ) , or the neighbors she could see in their house from the backyard . When I say " freaking out " she would jump up , front paws on the front door , scratching , barking , spit flying , hackles up . Most times there was nothing there . Then it would take an hour or more for her to calm down . I spoke with the trainer about all of this . She did not seem very concerned and gave the impression that Liezel could outgrow it . This was insufficient for me . I needed an action plan . We also had a guy out to our house who represented a company that used e - collars . The company came recommended to us by a family member . His presentation and explanation was really off - putting . We didn 't understand the concept and wondered how could we expect Liezel to understand if we didn 't . Additionally , he said " The dog will have to wear a muzzle in order for me to work with her . " I 'm not opposed to using a muzzle , but he made no attempt to interact with Liezel . His idea was put a muzzle on her and an e - collar and get started . Neither my husband nor I got a good feeling about this so the idea was quickly discarded . The third trainer , Lynn , taught me about thresholds . Not letting Liezel get to the point of reacting because once she was over threshold she was unable to learn . I guess it would be like trying to learn a new skill while being chased by a bear ? When something scary is happening to you , you are not in a learning frame of mind . Week after week for several months , Lynn came to our house and worked on keeping Liezel under threshold . Here 's how it started . Liezel was in the bedroom when Lynn arrived . She sat at the kitchen table while I went to get Liezel . Liezel and I came out of the bedroom one step at a time . When Liezel saw Lynn , I was to say " Good girl " give her a treat , and retreat to the bedroom . Her reward for looking and not reacting was getting to leave the scary thing / person . After weeks of this , we moved outside . Lynn would be across the street and I would walk Liezel . When Liezel looked at Lynn she was praised and treated . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the lesson was over . Lynn also gave me instructions on a dog training process that taught the dog to stay on a mat / bed / blanket while things went on around it . So day one you tell the dog " go to your mat " and treat her when she gets on it [ Liezel already knew " go to your bed " so this was not difficult to teach ] . Take one step away from the mat and come back with " good girl " and a treat . This goes on and on for weeks with progressively more difficult things like running around the dog / mat , leaving the room , opening the front door , and ringing the doorbell . When you get through the whole thing , you start all over again in a different room . We went through all of the weeks ( it took twice as long as the plan because you can 't move on to the next day if the dog gets off the mat today ) and then started the whole thing over in the backyard . Also during this time , we hired a stranger to do stranger approaches . I found a local pet walker and paid her to sit at one end of the parking lot of an empty factory building , while we , 500 feet away , tried to approach and stay under threshold . The instructions from Lynn on this exercise was to come out from behind the building and wait for Liezel to see the stranger . Once she did , " good girl " and retreat . Do it again and try to get a foot closer . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the training was over for the day . After a few months we could get about 450 feet away before Liezel reacted . I stopped taking her to agility with our original trainer . Liezel seemed to really like running the agility course , but on the sideline she would panic over the other people and dogs . It came to a point where I decided the fun of the course did not outweigh the stress of the sidelines . We talked with our vet about this , all of this . She had blood sent out to test for thyroid issues and the results came back normal . It was time to try medication . Our vet could not prescribe Prozac so we went to a recommended veterinary behaviorist who did . She put Liezel on 30mg / day . The intention of medication was to calm Liezel enough so we could continue working on training under threshold . We were becoming a bit reclusive . An entire summer went by and we never took our camper out of storage . I was avoiding any talk of vacation because I didn 't know what we would do with her . When she was 14 months old we did go on vacation and left her with our original trainer . I checked in with the trainer everyday but got vague responses . Come to find out , Liezel just paced the whole time we were gone . During said summer when we didn 't camp , I came across a trainer that I had emailed months before but never heard back from . He was a police dog trainer so I assumed my issues with Liezel probably weren 't what he was looking to work with . He had a booth set up at a city festival advertising dog training , specifically aggression . I found my original email to him , forwarded it with a note saying " Hey , just saw you at the festival . Please see my email below from several months ago and let me know if you can help . " Simply , Z says : June 18 , 2016 at 10 : 35 am Interesting thoughts . We had a puppy too but sadly parted with her because of allergies . We found a nice home for her . I could relate to your puppy " hating " her crate . I will definitely refer to your blog when we get a second chance . Keep writing . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 18 , 2016 at 11 : 40 am Thank you ! It 's been hard having a fearful dog but also very rewarding ! I hope my lessons can help some one else . Reply Tim Taylor says : June 19 , 2016 at 9 : 14 am I 've read all your posts and I have to say they are extremely interesting . My favorite breed is a Doberman , next is German Shepard and then Rottweilers . I hate little yappin ' dogs with a passion . I absolutely love Wolves and I almost got one once upon a time . For me , that would have been a dream come true . Keep writin ' , ' cause now I wanna know how Liezel progresses ! I , too , have a pooch who doesn 't like the crate idea . She does the same panting , drooling thing , plus licks her front legs into sopping appendages ! I went for the baby gate idea , as well , because it didn 't make any sense to continue to upset her so badly with the crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 24 , 2016 at 5 : 56 pm Thank you ! And thank you for following me . Liezel has been trying , but when I look into her little brown almond eyes , I know she was meant for me and me for her . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply jay1991katira says : June 28 , 2016 at 1 : 33 am Nice one , You gave me nice snaps of pet . I love dogs . thank you Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 7 , 2016 at 8 : 17 am I love dogs , too ! They 're loyal and loving . I 'm glad you like the pictures ! Reply frankprem says : July 1 , 2016 at 6 : 47 pm Gorgeous looking dog . Best luck with raising her , and much enjoyment . Cheers , Frank Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 18 , 2016 at 2 : 26 pm Thanks , Laura . I need to commit some time to writing . We 've had a house guest for two weeks and she 's exhausting ! Reply Vaibhav says : July 26 , 2016 at 6 : 26 am Hi again , thanks for stopping by . I read this post and have to say this - I 'm not a dog person at all , bit scared actually and love cats . However , Liezel looks so adorable . A missed vacation sounds terrible but am sure this phase will pass . Great blog title - it will go places . Have a nice day . Reply txhomegirl says : July 27 , 2016 at 5 : 00 pm Good blog ! I have to know what happened . I love Rotts . I 've owned two males and now own a female . She is much more skittish than my males were . Reply hadleylovesgus says : August 9 , 2016 at 12 : 36 pm I feel your pain ! We have our little yorkie , Gus , who suffers from fear of strangers as well . We are in the process of working with him now too . Thank you for writing ! I am hopeful to do a similar documentation of our journey as its been a great help to hear of other stories of people like us who are working hard to help a pup in this type of situation . Thank you ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 9 , 2016 at 5 : 42 pm I 'm so happy to be able to share this experience with you ! The anxiety and constant stress of Liezel 's fear has been tiresome . Every little accomplishment is celebrated because we 're that much closer to her being comfortable . Thank you for reading . I look forward to hearing more about Gus . LikeLike Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 10 am What a captivating story . Hats off to you for sticking with Liezel . She is truly lucky to have found you guys . We 're having some issues with our Bella ( nothing as severe as this ) and reading this makes me believe there might be hope yet 🙂 Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 14 am Hi Diya . Thanks for reading about Liezel ! Yes , there is hope ! With a good trainer and a lot of patience , improvement can be made . What is Bella doing ? Is she fearful ? Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 22 am Yes she is . Goes on full alert , growls and barks persistently when someone dares to pass by our front door . Thankfully she doesn 't lunge at anyone and sometimes I think she barks more out of fear than possessiveness of her territory . Part of it may just be us reading the signs wrong . We are first time dog owners and are only fostering her for a few weeks . She seems okay at times and just when we think she has finally acclimatized she starts up again . But she 's a sweetheart and we will be sorry to see her go . owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 2 : 54 pm I wish that just once in a while they could talk . All the best with Bella ! LikeLike Vernon says : August 27 , 2016 at 5 : 11 am Hi I 'm a passionate Rottweiler owner . I understand your lost with Zelda . When I lost my first Rott name BAR I said I would never own another dog . It took me years to get over him . Today we have our third one name Sebastian . It was my wife first time ever owning a dog . He had anxiety and tried to run our home when we first got him . I never had a crate with my first two dogs so when Nicole said he have to stay in one until we get him trained from chewing everything I wasn 't sure about it . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 27 , 2016 at 8 : 00 am Hi Vernon ! Your comment made me smile first thing this morning ! Yes , Rottweilers have special personalities . I 'm sorry for your loss of BAR . It is so very painful . Congratulations on opening your heart and home to other dogs - they really do make home a better place . For your wife , a first time male Rottweiler is a brave place to start ! According to the breeder we used , the males goes through an ownership phase where they test you to see what they can get away with . Sure , female go through terrible twos , but I guess it doesn 't compare . You mention the nervousness and insecurities - you are spot on with that ! Liezel picks up my emotions in a frighteningly accurate way . If I 'm even feeling a little off , she starts acting nervous . Maybe that 's proof that she was meant to be mine : ) . I really think that most ( if not all ) Rottweilers are big babies ! ! Liezel 's whole issue is fear , she is afraid of strangers . But the people she knows … she will do anything you tell her for a treat , she wants to lick your face and get her belly rubbed . I 'm happy that your wife loves dogs now . Shelby sounds cute - for a little dog - hahaha ! I 'm more of a big dog kinda gal . Ecohug says : September 14 , 2016 at 11 : 35 am Great post , I really enjoyed reading it and wanted to tell you that you are a great dog mom for sticking it out and really working on helping Liezel . I wanted to ask if you tried anything more natural to relieve anxiety , like herbs that are designed to relax the dog ? We had something similar ( not as bad as yours ) with our dog , Maddie , when we brought her home and giving her some herbs really helped her be calm especially in her crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : September 14 , 2016 at 12 : 55 pm Hi ! Thank you for reading about Liezel ! Yes , she gets two Chinese herbs : Shen Calmer and Chai Hu Shu Gan . Both are from our vet . We noticed HUGE improvements once we started the herbs . At one point last winter I took her off of them since she was doing pretty good and we noticed regression in her reactivity . The vet recommended putting her back on them , and again , they brought her back to a calmer , less reactive dog . Reply 200 Saturdays until Paris says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 26 pm I love what a patient and kind person you have been with your baby . I know it has been hard , but I am so happy you didn 't give up . ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 38 pm Thank you ! She she is wonderful in many , many ways . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 20 , 2016 at 5 : 14 am I 'm exhausted reading what you have been through . Also if you need to have break , Liezel should be in good hands with the breeder . I look forward to reading if it gets better for you . Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 21 , 2016 at 5 : 02 am Yes it was long , but it was very thoroughly written . I was hoping desperately that peace and harmony would reign for you , but I had to wait until now to find out . But I am very glad it has gotten better for you . Good on your parents . John Chon says : November 14 , 2016 at 7 : 06 pm Your dog is so cute ! I really liked how thorough you were in this post . I can tell that you love your dog very much . It 's so great to see loving and responsible dog owners out there 🙂 Keep up the great work ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 15 , 2016 at 4 : 43 am Hi John ! Thank you ! We think she 's pretty cute , too . I 'm very glad you enjoyed reading about Liezel . She is doing so much better . LikeLiked by 1 person charlypriest says : November 17 , 2016 at 12 : 58 pm Cute dog , I myself have a recent addition to the family that is called Tina a bulldog of 7 months . What I find fascinating about all this is … . . the dog has a daycarecenter ! That is unheard here in Spain . That dog has better care as a youngster than I did . I 'm actually jealous . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 17 , 2016 at 2 : 34 pm Oh what we do for our pets here … ! Thank you for reading ! Yay for you and Tina ! There is something so wonderful about having a dog . Reply charlypriest says : November 18 , 2016 at 6 : 09 am She does puts me a smile on the face , although she can be a pain in the but quite a lot of times . Specially when she starts eating walls , chairs , sofas , socks , the list goes on . What a stomach this dog has , it 's bullet proof .
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Knowing nothing about blogs or blogging , I had a * great * idea this morning to start my own and write all about my dog . I considered writing a book … but would there be enough to say and would anyone care ? At least this way , I can get it all out in writing , look at what I 've got and see where it goes . We ( my husband and I ) brought home a 7 . 5 week Rottweiler puppy on January 17 , 2014 . We named her Liezel ( sounds like diesel ) , I 'll spare you the long AKC registered name . I was apprehensive because we had just gone though a painful year and a half of caring for a very sick Rottweiler , Zelda . We put her down just before her second birthday in September , 2013 , and it was heartbreaking . Zelda was my first dog , I loved her more than I knew was possible . Getting a new puppy was scary ( what if she 's sick ) and exciting ( puppies are fun and cute ) . My intention for getting a dog was not only companionship but also to compete in dog sports ( obedience , agility ) , ultimately Schutzhund . We were supposed to start puppy classes right away , but Liezel not having her 12 - week shots , I postponed classes until the " next semester " for fear she would get sick . From 8 weeks to 11 weeks , Liezel stayed home . I took a week off of work , my husband took a week off , and my retired parents stayed with her for a week during the day while we worked . Aside from hating the crate she seemed like a perfectly content pup . The neighbors came over to meet her and when she met their Rottweiler , she was in Heaven ! She took to him like he was her best friend . I wondered if she thought " Wow ! Something like me - just bigger . " I remember commenting that the neighbor 's dog looked at me with an expression of " get this mosquito away from me ! " She loved when he came over . During the 8 - to 12 - week age we had major snowfall in Michigan . We had to dig tracks in the yard for Liezel to go potty since the snow was deeper than she was tall . It was very cold and with the snow and salt we did not take her for walks . However , she went to the pet store ( I carried her ) , the vet , and my parents house for small amounts of exposure . I know , I know " 8 - to 12 - weeks is a critical time for socialization ! " My thought process was I would rather delay socialization a few weeks than take the chance of having another sick dog . At eleven weeks , Liezel started daycare . She couldn 't be with the other puppies yet because she still had a week to go for shots , but she was in the office with the employees - and out of the house . The daycare workers pointed out that she really hated being crated ( yep , we know ) . At home or daycare , while crated she would howl and cry to the point of peeing and / or pooping herself . Never was the crate used for punishment . The purpose of crating her was to create her own private space . The idea being she can go to her crate knowing that when there no one will bother her . It 's her " safe place . " In the meantime , until she realized it was her safe - place she would be crated for naps and at night . It got to the point during what should have been nap time ( she 's fallen asleep somewhere and we pick her up and put her in the crate ) she would just cry , scream and howl . I actually called the breeder and ask " what should we do ? ! " Some dogs don 't take to a crate so the advice was to just let her sleep wherever she laid down . She would still have to be crated at night since she wasn 't fully potty trained . I slept on the floor next to her for four weeks , slowly increasing the distance from her until I could get in to bed . Back to daycare , at 13 weeks she started playing with the other dogs ( shots at 12 weeks , then a week to recover ) . She played with the other puppies and came home worn out . For one hour during the day all the dogs are kenneled ( inside ) for a lunch break . Liezel was still getting three meals a day so this was her lunch and nap break . Being in the kennel alone was as bad as being crated . She would pee / poop herself and cry and howl . One day they had to bathe her because she was in such a tither she got poop all over herself . This was causing me to have some anxiety . I have a happy , healthy puppy who does not like to be crated . I start wondering ' how am I ever going to leave the house ? , ' ' how are we ever going to leave her alone ? , ' ' what have I gotten us into ? ' I talked to the trainer once we started puppy classes and she had some tips . 1 ) never let her out of the crate when she 's crying - doing so will teach her that crying gets her released . Um , she cries the whole time she 's in it . 2 ) hit a wall just outside the room where the crate is . It will get her attention and she will stop to listen . At that moment of silence go get her . 3 ) never tell her " good girl " when she 's coming out of the crate - doing so will teach her getting out is the reward . 4 ) do not show excitement when letting her out . Open the door and walk away . Getting out is not fun / exciting ; going in should be . So over the course of the next couple of months we worked on this . The living room crate for naps was removed and the bedroom crate for nighttime was moved from the foot of the bed to my side . The move would allow her to see down the hallway when she was crated when we went out . Here I should interject that " going out " meant running to the grocery store , maybe going out to dinner , or stopping by my parents ( they live two miles away ) . This wasn 't out to dinner , drinks , and a movie - or even an extended family get - together . We were gone an hour or less . When we got home the crate would be covered in drool and she would be panting . Separation anxiety ? Just complete fear of the crate ? What is the problem , here ? At five months old we stopped using the crate all together . She was locked in our bedroom by a baby gate when we went out and this was a much better solution . She was calmer and we found ( via recording ) that she would curl up on the bed and sleep while we were gone . No drooling , panting , or pacing . She also started sleeping with us at night . It seemed a better option than the nighttime crying , panting , drooling , etc . She jumped into bed , curled up , and that was that . We continued with classes . Puppy class was a great success ! She knew sit , down , shake , watch , and touch before class even started ( remember those several weeks she stayed home ? We were teaching her some stuff . ) so she was kinda the star student [ proud smile ] . By the time we got to intermediate / advanced obedience we noticed some undesirable behaviors . Also around this time , the weather had gotten better and we started taking walks where we also observed undesirable behavior . At class she began barking and attempting to run toward ( on leash ) other people . On a walk , once we got about two houses away , she would turn around pulling toward home . Her happy disposition changed to a vigilant , nervous one . If anyone came out and asked to pet her , she would shrink back and avoid being touched . When she was about 6 months old we were on a walk in the neighborhood . Approaching a driveway partially blocked by a Jeep , two remote control cars came toward us . Liezel barked and lunged at them . The cars were being run by two little boys and the adult started screaming , " Get that dog off of my property before I get my f - ing gun and shoot it . " Hmm . This seemed over - the - top . My then 6 - month old puppy , was startled by the things coming at her , and she reacted . The guy went crazy ! I pointed out to him that I was on city property and I had every right to be there . Well his threats continued so I called the police . He too called the police and was yelling " It 's a Rottweiler ! A ROTTWEILER ! " While on the phone with the police his wife approached me saying " Please , just leave . Please . " Another man in his group approached me saying , " Get out of here you bitch ! " The whole thing escalated very quickly and it really shook me and Liezel up . After this episode I became very nervous about walking Liezel . If you know anything about dogs , you know they feed off their owners ' feelings . So I 'm feeding her nervousness and anxiety by being nervous and anxious . Round and round it went . Around this time a few other things happened . We took a day trip to see the breeder and let her see Liezel . When Deb tried to pet Liezel 's head , Liezel back away . Deb asked me " You haven 't hit her have you ? " Nope . We went camping one weekend and Liezel was so frantic and worried she barked the entire time and got to the point of vomiting from nervousness . We actually took her for a car ride hoping 1 ) to calm her down and 2 ) let the other campers have some peace and quiet . She started barking and lunging at all strangers - going into and out of daycare , at agility class , on a walk , etc . All strangers . And she would freak out at the sound of any car door outside , the doorbell ( real or on TV ) , or the neighbors she could see in their house from the backyard . When I say " freaking out " she would jump up , front paws on the front door , scratching , barking , spit flying , hackles up . Most times there was nothing there . Then it would take an hour or more for her to calm down . I spoke with the trainer about all of this . She did not seem very concerned and gave the impression that Liezel could outgrow it . This was insufficient for me . I needed an action plan . We also had a guy out to our house who represented a company that used e - collars . The company came recommended to us by a family member . His presentation and explanation was really off - putting . We didn 't understand the concept and wondered how could we expect Liezel to understand if we didn 't . Additionally , he said " The dog will have to wear a muzzle in order for me to work with her . " I 'm not opposed to using a muzzle , but he made no attempt to interact with Liezel . His idea was put a muzzle on her and an e - collar and get started . Neither my husband nor I got a good feeling about this so the idea was quickly discarded . The third trainer , Lynn , taught me about thresholds . Not letting Liezel get to the point of reacting because once she was over threshold she was unable to learn . I guess it would be like trying to learn a new skill while being chased by a bear ? When something scary is happening to you , you are not in a learning frame of mind . Week after week for several months , Lynn came to our house and worked on keeping Liezel under threshold . Here 's how it started . Liezel was in the bedroom when Lynn arrived . She sat at the kitchen table while I went to get Liezel . Liezel and I came out of the bedroom one step at a time . When Liezel saw Lynn , I was to say " Good girl " give her a treat , and retreat to the bedroom . Her reward for looking and not reacting was getting to leave the scary thing / person . After weeks of this , we moved outside . Lynn would be across the street and I would walk Liezel . When Liezel looked at Lynn she was praised and treated . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the lesson was over . Lynn also gave me instructions on a dog training process that taught the dog to stay on a mat / bed / blanket while things went on around it . So day one you tell the dog " go to your mat " and treat her when she gets on it [ Liezel already knew " go to your bed " so this was not difficult to teach ] . Take one step away from the mat and come back with " good girl " and a treat . This goes on and on for weeks with progressively more difficult things like running around the dog / mat , leaving the room , opening the front door , and ringing the doorbell . When you get through the whole thing , you start all over again in a different room . We went through all of the weeks ( it took twice as long as the plan because you can 't move on to the next day if the dog gets off the mat today ) and then started the whole thing over in the backyard . Also during this time , we hired a stranger to do stranger approaches . I found a local pet walker and paid her to sit at one end of the parking lot of an empty factory building , while we , 500 feet away , tried to approach and stay under threshold . The instructions from Lynn on this exercise was to come out from behind the building and wait for Liezel to see the stranger . Once she did , " good girl " and retreat . Do it again and try to get a foot closer . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the training was over for the day . After a few months we could get about 450 feet away before Liezel reacted . I stopped taking her to agility with our original trainer . Liezel seemed to really like running the agility course , but on the sideline she would panic over the other people and dogs . It came to a point where I decided the fun of the course did not outweigh the stress of the sidelines . We talked with our vet about this , all of this . She had blood sent out to test for thyroid issues and the results came back normal . It was time to try medication . Our vet could not prescribe Prozac so we went to a recommended veterinary behaviorist who did . She put Liezel on 30mg / day . The intention of medication was to calm Liezel enough so we could continue working on training under threshold . We were becoming a bit reclusive . An entire summer went by and we never took our camper out of storage . I was avoiding any talk of vacation because I didn 't know what we would do with her . When she was 14 months old we did go on vacation and left her with our original trainer . I checked in with the trainer everyday but got vague responses . Come to find out , Liezel just paced the whole time we were gone . During said summer when we didn 't camp , I came across a trainer that I had emailed months before but never heard back from . He was a police dog trainer so I assumed my issues with Liezel probably weren 't what he was looking to work with . He had a booth set up at a city festival advertising dog training , specifically aggression . I found my original email to him , forwarded it with a note saying " Hey , just saw you at the festival . Please see my email below from several months ago and let me know if you can help . " Simply , Z says : June 18 , 2016 at 10 : 35 am Interesting thoughts . We had a puppy too but sadly parted with her because of allergies . We found a nice home for her . I could relate to your puppy " hating " her crate . I will definitely refer to your blog when we get a second chance . Keep writing . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 18 , 2016 at 11 : 40 am Thank you ! It 's been hard having a fearful dog but also very rewarding ! I hope my lessons can help some one else . Reply Tim Taylor says : June 19 , 2016 at 9 : 14 am I 've read all your posts and I have to say they are extremely interesting . My favorite breed is a Doberman , next is German Shepard and then Rottweilers . I hate little yappin ' dogs with a passion . I absolutely love Wolves and I almost got one once upon a time . For me , that would have been a dream come true . Keep writin ' , ' cause now I wanna know how Liezel progresses ! I , too , have a pooch who doesn 't like the crate idea . She does the same panting , drooling thing , plus licks her front legs into sopping appendages ! I went for the baby gate idea , as well , because it didn 't make any sense to continue to upset her so badly with the crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 24 , 2016 at 5 : 56 pm Thank you ! And thank you for following me . Liezel has been trying , but when I look into her little brown almond eyes , I know she was meant for me and me for her . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply jay1991katira says : June 28 , 2016 at 1 : 33 am Nice one , You gave me nice snaps of pet . I love dogs . thank you Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 7 , 2016 at 8 : 17 am I love dogs , too ! They 're loyal and loving . I 'm glad you like the pictures ! Reply frankprem says : July 1 , 2016 at 6 : 47 pm Gorgeous looking dog . Best luck with raising her , and much enjoyment . Cheers , Frank Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 18 , 2016 at 2 : 26 pm Thanks , Laura . I need to commit some time to writing . We 've had a house guest for two weeks and she 's exhausting ! Reply Vaibhav says : July 26 , 2016 at 6 : 26 am Hi again , thanks for stopping by . I read this post and have to say this - I 'm not a dog person at all , bit scared actually and love cats . However , Liezel looks so adorable . A missed vacation sounds terrible but am sure this phase will pass . Great blog title - it will go places . Have a nice day . Reply txhomegirl says : July 27 , 2016 at 5 : 00 pm Good blog ! I have to know what happened . I love Rotts . I 've owned two males and now own a female . She is much more skittish than my males were . Reply hadleylovesgus says : August 9 , 2016 at 12 : 36 pm I feel your pain ! We have our little yorkie , Gus , who suffers from fear of strangers as well . We are in the process of working with him now too . Thank you for writing ! I am hopeful to do a similar documentation of our journey as its been a great help to hear of other stories of people like us who are working hard to help a pup in this type of situation . Thank you ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 9 , 2016 at 5 : 42 pm I 'm so happy to be able to share this experience with you ! The anxiety and constant stress of Liezel 's fear has been tiresome . Every little accomplishment is celebrated because we 're that much closer to her being comfortable . Thank you for reading . I look forward to hearing more about Gus . LikeLike Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 10 am What a captivating story . Hats off to you for sticking with Liezel . She is truly lucky to have found you guys . We 're having some issues with our Bella ( nothing as severe as this ) and reading this makes me believe there might be hope yet 🙂 Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 14 am Hi Diya . Thanks for reading about Liezel ! Yes , there is hope ! With a good trainer and a lot of patience , improvement can be made . What is Bella doing ? Is she fearful ? Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 22 am Yes she is . Goes on full alert , growls and barks persistently when someone dares to pass by our front door . Thankfully she doesn 't lunge at anyone and sometimes I think she barks more out of fear than possessiveness of her territory . Part of it may just be us reading the signs wrong . We are first time dog owners and are only fostering her for a few weeks . She seems okay at times and just when we think she has finally acclimatized she starts up again . But she 's a sweetheart and we will be sorry to see her go . owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 2 : 54 pm I wish that just once in a while they could talk . All the best with Bella ! LikeLike Vernon says : August 27 , 2016 at 5 : 11 am Hi I 'm a passionate Rottweiler owner . I understand your lost with Zelda . When I lost my first Rott name BAR I said I would never own another dog . It took me years to get over him . Today we have our third one name Sebastian . It was my wife first time ever owning a dog . He had anxiety and tried to run our home when we first got him . I never had a crate with my first two dogs so when Nicole said he have to stay in one until we get him trained from chewing everything I wasn 't sure about it . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 27 , 2016 at 8 : 00 am Hi Vernon ! Your comment made me smile first thing this morning ! Yes , Rottweilers have special personalities . I 'm sorry for your loss of BAR . It is so very painful . Congratulations on opening your heart and home to other dogs - they really do make home a better place . For your wife , a first time male Rottweiler is a brave place to start ! According to the breeder we used , the males goes through an ownership phase where they test you to see what they can get away with . Sure , female go through terrible twos , but I guess it doesn 't compare . You mention the nervousness and insecurities - you are spot on with that ! Liezel picks up my emotions in a frighteningly accurate way . If I 'm even feeling a little off , she starts acting nervous . Maybe that 's proof that she was meant to be mine : ) . I really think that most ( if not all ) Rottweilers are big babies ! ! Liezel 's whole issue is fear , she is afraid of strangers . But the people she knows … she will do anything you tell her for a treat , she wants to lick your face and get her belly rubbed . I 'm happy that your wife loves dogs now . Shelby sounds cute - for a little dog - hahaha ! I 'm more of a big dog kinda gal . Ecohug says : September 14 , 2016 at 11 : 35 am Great post , I really enjoyed reading it and wanted to tell you that you are a great dog mom for sticking it out and really working on helping Liezel . I wanted to ask if you tried anything more natural to relieve anxiety , like herbs that are designed to relax the dog ? We had something similar ( not as bad as yours ) with our dog , Maddie , when we brought her home and giving her some herbs really helped her be calm especially in her crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : September 14 , 2016 at 12 : 55 pm Hi ! Thank you for reading about Liezel ! Yes , she gets two Chinese herbs : Shen Calmer and Chai Hu Shu Gan . Both are from our vet . We noticed HUGE improvements once we started the herbs . At one point last winter I took her off of them since she was doing pretty good and we noticed regression in her reactivity . The vet recommended putting her back on them , and again , they brought her back to a calmer , less reactive dog . Reply 200 Saturdays until Paris says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 26 pm I love what a patient and kind person you have been with your baby . I know it has been hard , but I am so happy you didn 't give up . ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 38 pm Thank you ! She she is wonderful in many , many ways . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 20 , 2016 at 5 : 14 am I 'm exhausted reading what you have been through . Also if you need to have break , Liezel should be in good hands with the breeder . I look forward to reading if it gets better for you . Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 21 , 2016 at 5 : 02 am Yes it was long , but it was very thoroughly written . I was hoping desperately that peace and harmony would reign for you , but I had to wait until now to find out . But I am very glad it has gotten better for you . Good on your parents . John Chon says : November 14 , 2016 at 7 : 06 pm Your dog is so cute ! I really liked how thorough you were in this post . I can tell that you love your dog very much . It 's so great to see loving and responsible dog owners out there 🙂 Keep up the great work ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 15 , 2016 at 4 : 43 am Hi John ! Thank you ! We think she 's pretty cute , too . I 'm very glad you enjoyed reading about Liezel . She is doing so much better . LikeLiked by 1 person charlypriest says : November 17 , 2016 at 12 : 58 pm Cute dog , I myself have a recent addition to the family that is called Tina a bulldog of 7 months . What I find fascinating about all this is … . . the dog has a daycarecenter ! That is unheard here in Spain . That dog has better care as a youngster than I did . I 'm actually jealous . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 17 , 2016 at 2 : 34 pm Oh what we do for our pets here … ! Thank you for reading ! Yay for you and Tina ! There is something so wonderful about having a dog . Reply charlypriest says : November 18 , 2016 at 6 : 09 am She does puts me a smile on the face , although she can be a pain in the but quite a lot of times . Specially when she starts eating walls , chairs , sofas , socks , the list goes on . What a stomach this dog has , it 's bullet proof .
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Knowing nothing about blogs or blogging , I had a * great * idea this morning to start my own and write all about my dog . I considered writing a book … but would there be enough to say and would anyone care ? At least this way , I can get it all out in writing , look at what I 've got and see where it goes . We ( my husband and I ) brought home a 7 . 5 week Rottweiler puppy on January 17 , 2014 . We named her Liezel ( sounds like diesel ) , I 'll spare you the long AKC registered name . I was apprehensive because we had just gone though a painful year and a half of caring for a very sick Rottweiler , Zelda . We put her down just before her second birthday in September , 2013 , and it was heartbreaking . Zelda was my first dog , I loved her more than I knew was possible . Getting a new puppy was scary ( what if she 's sick ) and exciting ( puppies are fun and cute ) . My intention for getting a dog was not only companionship but also to compete in dog sports ( obedience , agility ) , ultimately Schutzhund . We were supposed to start puppy classes right away , but Liezel not having her 12 - week shots , I postponed classes until the " next semester " for fear she would get sick . From 8 weeks to 11 weeks , Liezel stayed home . I took a week off of work , my husband took a week off , and my retired parents stayed with her for a week during the day while we worked . Aside from hating the crate she seemed like a perfectly content pup . The neighbors came over to meet her and when she met their Rottweiler , she was in Heaven ! She took to him like he was her best friend . I wondered if she thought " Wow ! Something like me - just bigger . " I remember commenting that the neighbor 's dog looked at me with an expression of " get this mosquito away from me ! " She loved when he came over . During the 8 - to 12 - week age we had major snowfall in Michigan . We had to dig tracks in the yard for Liezel to go potty since the snow was deeper than she was tall . It was very cold and with the snow and salt we did not take her for walks . However , she went to the pet store ( I carried her ) , the vet , and my parents house for small amounts of exposure . I know , I know " 8 - to 12 - weeks is a critical time for socialization ! " My thought process was I would rather delay socialization a few weeks than take the chance of having another sick dog . At eleven weeks , Liezel started daycare . She couldn 't be with the other puppies yet because she still had a week to go for shots , but she was in the office with the employees - and out of the house . The daycare workers pointed out that she really hated being crated ( yep , we know ) . At home or daycare , while crated she would howl and cry to the point of peeing and / or pooping herself . Never was the crate used for punishment . The purpose of crating her was to create her own private space . The idea being she can go to her crate knowing that when there no one will bother her . It 's her " safe place . " In the meantime , until she realized it was her safe - place she would be crated for naps and at night . It got to the point during what should have been nap time ( she 's fallen asleep somewhere and we pick her up and put her in the crate ) she would just cry , scream and howl . I actually called the breeder and ask " what should we do ? ! " Some dogs don 't take to a crate so the advice was to just let her sleep wherever she laid down . She would still have to be crated at night since she wasn 't fully potty trained . I slept on the floor next to her for four weeks , slowly increasing the distance from her until I could get in to bed . Back to daycare , at 13 weeks she started playing with the other dogs ( shots at 12 weeks , then a week to recover ) . She played with the other puppies and came home worn out . For one hour during the day all the dogs are kenneled ( inside ) for a lunch break . Liezel was still getting three meals a day so this was her lunch and nap break . Being in the kennel alone was as bad as being crated . She would pee / poop herself and cry and howl . One day they had to bathe her because she was in such a tither she got poop all over herself . This was causing me to have some anxiety . I have a happy , healthy puppy who does not like to be crated . I start wondering ' how am I ever going to leave the house ? , ' ' how are we ever going to leave her alone ? , ' ' what have I gotten us into ? ' I talked to the trainer once we started puppy classes and she had some tips . 1 ) never let her out of the crate when she 's crying - doing so will teach her that crying gets her released . Um , she cries the whole time she 's in it . 2 ) hit a wall just outside the room where the crate is . It will get her attention and she will stop to listen . At that moment of silence go get her . 3 ) never tell her " good girl " when she 's coming out of the crate - doing so will teach her getting out is the reward . 4 ) do not show excitement when letting her out . Open the door and walk away . Getting out is not fun / exciting ; going in should be . So over the course of the next couple of months we worked on this . The living room crate for naps was removed and the bedroom crate for nighttime was moved from the foot of the bed to my side . The move would allow her to see down the hallway when she was crated when we went out . Here I should interject that " going out " meant running to the grocery store , maybe going out to dinner , or stopping by my parents ( they live two miles away ) . This wasn 't out to dinner , drinks , and a movie - or even an extended family get - together . We were gone an hour or less . When we got home the crate would be covered in drool and she would be panting . Separation anxiety ? Just complete fear of the crate ? What is the problem , here ? At five months old we stopped using the crate all together . She was locked in our bedroom by a baby gate when we went out and this was a much better solution . She was calmer and we found ( via recording ) that she would curl up on the bed and sleep while we were gone . No drooling , panting , or pacing . She also started sleeping with us at night . It seemed a better option than the nighttime crying , panting , drooling , etc . She jumped into bed , curled up , and that was that . We continued with classes . Puppy class was a great success ! She knew sit , down , shake , watch , and touch before class even started ( remember those several weeks she stayed home ? We were teaching her some stuff . ) so she was kinda the star student [ proud smile ] . By the time we got to intermediate / advanced obedience we noticed some undesirable behaviors . Also around this time , the weather had gotten better and we started taking walks where we also observed undesirable behavior . At class she began barking and attempting to run toward ( on leash ) other people . On a walk , once we got about two houses away , she would turn around pulling toward home . Her happy disposition changed to a vigilant , nervous one . If anyone came out and asked to pet her , she would shrink back and avoid being touched . When she was about 6 months old we were on a walk in the neighborhood . Approaching a driveway partially blocked by a Jeep , two remote control cars came toward us . Liezel barked and lunged at them . The cars were being run by two little boys and the adult started screaming , " Get that dog off of my property before I get my f - ing gun and shoot it . " Hmm . This seemed over - the - top . My then 6 - month old puppy , was startled by the things coming at her , and she reacted . The guy went crazy ! I pointed out to him that I was on city property and I had every right to be there . Well his threats continued so I called the police . He too called the police and was yelling " It 's a Rottweiler ! A ROTTWEILER ! " While on the phone with the police his wife approached me saying " Please , just leave . Please . " Another man in his group approached me saying , " Get out of here you bitch ! " The whole thing escalated very quickly and it really shook me and Liezel up . After this episode I became very nervous about walking Liezel . If you know anything about dogs , you know they feed off their owners ' feelings . So I 'm feeding her nervousness and anxiety by being nervous and anxious . Round and round it went . Around this time a few other things happened . We took a day trip to see the breeder and let her see Liezel . When Deb tried to pet Liezel 's head , Liezel back away . Deb asked me " You haven 't hit her have you ? " Nope . We went camping one weekend and Liezel was so frantic and worried she barked the entire time and got to the point of vomiting from nervousness . We actually took her for a car ride hoping 1 ) to calm her down and 2 ) let the other campers have some peace and quiet . She started barking and lunging at all strangers - going into and out of daycare , at agility class , on a walk , etc . All strangers . And she would freak out at the sound of any car door outside , the doorbell ( real or on TV ) , or the neighbors she could see in their house from the backyard . When I say " freaking out " she would jump up , front paws on the front door , scratching , barking , spit flying , hackles up . Most times there was nothing there . Then it would take an hour or more for her to calm down . I spoke with the trainer about all of this . She did not seem very concerned and gave the impression that Liezel could outgrow it . This was insufficient for me . I needed an action plan . We also had a guy out to our house who represented a company that used e - collars . The company came recommended to us by a family member . His presentation and explanation was really off - putting . We didn 't understand the concept and wondered how could we expect Liezel to understand if we didn 't . Additionally , he said " The dog will have to wear a muzzle in order for me to work with her . " I 'm not opposed to using a muzzle , but he made no attempt to interact with Liezel . His idea was put a muzzle on her and an e - collar and get started . Neither my husband nor I got a good feeling about this so the idea was quickly discarded . The third trainer , Lynn , taught me about thresholds . Not letting Liezel get to the point of reacting because once she was over threshold she was unable to learn . I guess it would be like trying to learn a new skill while being chased by a bear ? When something scary is happening to you , you are not in a learning frame of mind . Week after week for several months , Lynn came to our house and worked on keeping Liezel under threshold . Here 's how it started . Liezel was in the bedroom when Lynn arrived . She sat at the kitchen table while I went to get Liezel . Liezel and I came out of the bedroom one step at a time . When Liezel saw Lynn , I was to say " Good girl " give her a treat , and retreat to the bedroom . Her reward for looking and not reacting was getting to leave the scary thing / person . After weeks of this , we moved outside . Lynn would be across the street and I would walk Liezel . When Liezel looked at Lynn she was praised and treated . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the lesson was over . Lynn also gave me instructions on a dog training process that taught the dog to stay on a mat / bed / blanket while things went on around it . So day one you tell the dog " go to your mat " and treat her when she gets on it [ Liezel already knew " go to your bed " so this was not difficult to teach ] . Take one step away from the mat and come back with " good girl " and a treat . This goes on and on for weeks with progressively more difficult things like running around the dog / mat , leaving the room , opening the front door , and ringing the doorbell . When you get through the whole thing , you start all over again in a different room . We went through all of the weeks ( it took twice as long as the plan because you can 't move on to the next day if the dog gets off the mat today ) and then started the whole thing over in the backyard . Also during this time , we hired a stranger to do stranger approaches . I found a local pet walker and paid her to sit at one end of the parking lot of an empty factory building , while we , 500 feet away , tried to approach and stay under threshold . The instructions from Lynn on this exercise was to come out from behind the building and wait for Liezel to see the stranger . Once she did , " good girl " and retreat . Do it again and try to get a foot closer . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the training was over for the day . After a few months we could get about 450 feet away before Liezel reacted . I stopped taking her to agility with our original trainer . Liezel seemed to really like running the agility course , but on the sideline she would panic over the other people and dogs . It came to a point where I decided the fun of the course did not outweigh the stress of the sidelines . We talked with our vet about this , all of this . She had blood sent out to test for thyroid issues and the results came back normal . It was time to try medication . Our vet could not prescribe Prozac so we went to a recommended veterinary behaviorist who did . She put Liezel on 30mg / day . The intention of medication was to calm Liezel enough so we could continue working on training under threshold . We were becoming a bit reclusive . An entire summer went by and we never took our camper out of storage . I was avoiding any talk of vacation because I didn 't know what we would do with her . When she was 14 months old we did go on vacation and left her with our original trainer . I checked in with the trainer everyday but got vague responses . Come to find out , Liezel just paced the whole time we were gone . During said summer when we didn 't camp , I came across a trainer that I had emailed months before but never heard back from . He was a police dog trainer so I assumed my issues with Liezel probably weren 't what he was looking to work with . He had a booth set up at a city festival advertising dog training , specifically aggression . I found my original email to him , forwarded it with a note saying " Hey , just saw you at the festival . Please see my email below from several months ago and let me know if you can help . " Simply , Z says : June 18 , 2016 at 10 : 35 am Interesting thoughts . We had a puppy too but sadly parted with her because of allergies . We found a nice home for her . I could relate to your puppy " hating " her crate . I will definitely refer to your blog when we get a second chance . Keep writing . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 18 , 2016 at 11 : 40 am Thank you ! It 's been hard having a fearful dog but also very rewarding ! I hope my lessons can help some one else . Reply Tim Taylor says : June 19 , 2016 at 9 : 14 am I 've read all your posts and I have to say they are extremely interesting . My favorite breed is a Doberman , next is German Shepard and then Rottweilers . I hate little yappin ' dogs with a passion . I absolutely love Wolves and I almost got one once upon a time . For me , that would have been a dream come true . Keep writin ' , ' cause now I wanna know how Liezel progresses ! I , too , have a pooch who doesn 't like the crate idea . She does the same panting , drooling thing , plus licks her front legs into sopping appendages ! I went for the baby gate idea , as well , because it didn 't make any sense to continue to upset her so badly with the crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 24 , 2016 at 5 : 56 pm Thank you ! And thank you for following me . Liezel has been trying , but when I look into her little brown almond eyes , I know she was meant for me and me for her . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply jay1991katira says : June 28 , 2016 at 1 : 33 am Nice one , You gave me nice snaps of pet . I love dogs . thank you Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 7 , 2016 at 8 : 17 am I love dogs , too ! They 're loyal and loving . I 'm glad you like the pictures ! Reply frankprem says : July 1 , 2016 at 6 : 47 pm Gorgeous looking dog . Best luck with raising her , and much enjoyment . Cheers , Frank Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 18 , 2016 at 2 : 26 pm Thanks , Laura . I need to commit some time to writing . We 've had a house guest for two weeks and she 's exhausting ! Reply Vaibhav says : July 26 , 2016 at 6 : 26 am Hi again , thanks for stopping by . I read this post and have to say this - I 'm not a dog person at all , bit scared actually and love cats . However , Liezel looks so adorable . A missed vacation sounds terrible but am sure this phase will pass . Great blog title - it will go places . Have a nice day . Reply txhomegirl says : July 27 , 2016 at 5 : 00 pm Good blog ! I have to know what happened . I love Rotts . I 've owned two males and now own a female . She is much more skittish than my males were . Reply hadleylovesgus says : August 9 , 2016 at 12 : 36 pm I feel your pain ! We have our little yorkie , Gus , who suffers from fear of strangers as well . We are in the process of working with him now too . Thank you for writing ! I am hopeful to do a similar documentation of our journey as its been a great help to hear of other stories of people like us who are working hard to help a pup in this type of situation . Thank you ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 9 , 2016 at 5 : 42 pm I 'm so happy to be able to share this experience with you ! The anxiety and constant stress of Liezel 's fear has been tiresome . Every little accomplishment is celebrated because we 're that much closer to her being comfortable . Thank you for reading . I look forward to hearing more about Gus . LikeLike Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 10 am What a captivating story . Hats off to you for sticking with Liezel . She is truly lucky to have found you guys . We 're having some issues with our Bella ( nothing as severe as this ) and reading this makes me believe there might be hope yet 🙂 Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 14 am Hi Diya . Thanks for reading about Liezel ! Yes , there is hope ! With a good trainer and a lot of patience , improvement can be made . What is Bella doing ? Is she fearful ? Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 22 am Yes she is . Goes on full alert , growls and barks persistently when someone dares to pass by our front door . Thankfully she doesn 't lunge at anyone and sometimes I think she barks more out of fear than possessiveness of her territory . Part of it may just be us reading the signs wrong . We are first time dog owners and are only fostering her for a few weeks . She seems okay at times and just when we think she has finally acclimatized she starts up again . But she 's a sweetheart and we will be sorry to see her go . owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 2 : 54 pm I wish that just once in a while they could talk . All the best with Bella ! LikeLike Vernon says : August 27 , 2016 at 5 : 11 am Hi I 'm a passionate Rottweiler owner . I understand your lost with Zelda . When I lost my first Rott name BAR I said I would never own another dog . It took me years to get over him . Today we have our third one name Sebastian . It was my wife first time ever owning a dog . He had anxiety and tried to run our home when we first got him . I never had a crate with my first two dogs so when Nicole said he have to stay in one until we get him trained from chewing everything I wasn 't sure about it . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 27 , 2016 at 8 : 00 am Hi Vernon ! Your comment made me smile first thing this morning ! Yes , Rottweilers have special personalities . I 'm sorry for your loss of BAR . It is so very painful . Congratulations on opening your heart and home to other dogs - they really do make home a better place . For your wife , a first time male Rottweiler is a brave place to start ! According to the breeder we used , the males goes through an ownership phase where they test you to see what they can get away with . Sure , female go through terrible twos , but I guess it doesn 't compare . You mention the nervousness and insecurities - you are spot on with that ! Liezel picks up my emotions in a frighteningly accurate way . If I 'm even feeling a little off , she starts acting nervous . Maybe that 's proof that she was meant to be mine : ) . I really think that most ( if not all ) Rottweilers are big babies ! ! Liezel 's whole issue is fear , she is afraid of strangers . But the people she knows … she will do anything you tell her for a treat , she wants to lick your face and get her belly rubbed . I 'm happy that your wife loves dogs now . Shelby sounds cute - for a little dog - hahaha ! I 'm more of a big dog kinda gal . Ecohug says : September 14 , 2016 at 11 : 35 am Great post , I really enjoyed reading it and wanted to tell you that you are a great dog mom for sticking it out and really working on helping Liezel . I wanted to ask if you tried anything more natural to relieve anxiety , like herbs that are designed to relax the dog ? We had something similar ( not as bad as yours ) with our dog , Maddie , when we brought her home and giving her some herbs really helped her be calm especially in her crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : September 14 , 2016 at 12 : 55 pm Hi ! Thank you for reading about Liezel ! Yes , she gets two Chinese herbs : Shen Calmer and Chai Hu Shu Gan . Both are from our vet . We noticed HUGE improvements once we started the herbs . At one point last winter I took her off of them since she was doing pretty good and we noticed regression in her reactivity . The vet recommended putting her back on them , and again , they brought her back to a calmer , less reactive dog . Reply 200 Saturdays until Paris says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 26 pm I love what a patient and kind person you have been with your baby . I know it has been hard , but I am so happy you didn 't give up . ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 38 pm Thank you ! She she is wonderful in many , many ways . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 20 , 2016 at 5 : 14 am I 'm exhausted reading what you have been through . Also if you need to have break , Liezel should be in good hands with the breeder . I look forward to reading if it gets better for you . Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 21 , 2016 at 5 : 02 am Yes it was long , but it was very thoroughly written . I was hoping desperately that peace and harmony would reign for you , but I had to wait until now to find out . But I am very glad it has gotten better for you . Good on your parents . John Chon says : November 14 , 2016 at 7 : 06 pm Your dog is so cute ! I really liked how thorough you were in this post . I can tell that you love your dog very much . It 's so great to see loving and responsible dog owners out there 🙂 Keep up the great work ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 15 , 2016 at 4 : 43 am Hi John ! Thank you ! We think she 's pretty cute , too . I 'm very glad you enjoyed reading about Liezel . She is doing so much better . LikeLiked by 1 person charlypriest says : November 17 , 2016 at 12 : 58 pm Cute dog , I myself have a recent addition to the family that is called Tina a bulldog of 7 months . What I find fascinating about all this is … . . the dog has a daycarecenter ! That is unheard here in Spain . That dog has better care as a youngster than I did . I 'm actually jealous . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 17 , 2016 at 2 : 34 pm Oh what we do for our pets here … ! Thank you for reading ! Yay for you and Tina ! There is something so wonderful about having a dog . Reply charlypriest says : November 18 , 2016 at 6 : 09 am She does puts me a smile on the face , although she can be a pain in the but quite a lot of times . Specially when she starts eating walls , chairs , sofas , socks , the list goes on . What a stomach this dog has , it 's bullet proof .
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Knowing nothing about blogs or blogging , I had a * great * idea this morning to start my own and write all about my dog . I considered writing a book … but would there be enough to say and would anyone care ? At least this way , I can get it all out in writing , look at what I 've got and see where it goes . We ( my husband and I ) brought home a 7 . 5 week Rottweiler puppy on January 17 , 2014 . We named her Liezel ( sounds like diesel ) , I 'll spare you the long AKC registered name . I was apprehensive because we had just gone though a painful year and a half of caring for a very sick Rottweiler , Zelda . We put her down just before her second birthday in September , 2013 , and it was heartbreaking . Zelda was my first dog , I loved her more than I knew was possible . Getting a new puppy was scary ( what if she 's sick ) and exciting ( puppies are fun and cute ) . My intention for getting a dog was not only companionship but also to compete in dog sports ( obedience , agility ) , ultimately Schutzhund . We were supposed to start puppy classes right away , but Liezel not having her 12 - week shots , I postponed classes until the " next semester " for fear she would get sick . From 8 weeks to 11 weeks , Liezel stayed home . I took a week off of work , my husband took a week off , and my retired parents stayed with her for a week during the day while we worked . Aside from hating the crate she seemed like a perfectly content pup . The neighbors came over to meet her and when she met their Rottweiler , she was in Heaven ! She took to him like he was her best friend . I wondered if she thought " Wow ! Something like me - just bigger . " I remember commenting that the neighbor 's dog looked at me with an expression of " get this mosquito away from me ! " She loved when he came over . During the 8 - to 12 - week age we had major snowfall in Michigan . We had to dig tracks in the yard for Liezel to go potty since the snow was deeper than she was tall . It was very cold and with the snow and salt we did not take her for walks . However , she went to the pet store ( I carried her ) , the vet , and my parents house for small amounts of exposure . I know , I know " 8 - to 12 - weeks is a critical time for socialization ! " My thought process was I would rather delay socialization a few weeks than take the chance of having another sick dog . At eleven weeks , Liezel started daycare . She couldn 't be with the other puppies yet because she still had a week to go for shots , but she was in the office with the employees - and out of the house . The daycare workers pointed out that she really hated being crated ( yep , we know ) . At home or daycare , while crated she would howl and cry to the point of peeing and / or pooping herself . Never was the crate used for punishment . The purpose of crating her was to create her own private space . The idea being she can go to her crate knowing that when there no one will bother her . It 's her " safe place . " In the meantime , until she realized it was her safe - place she would be crated for naps and at night . It got to the point during what should have been nap time ( she 's fallen asleep somewhere and we pick her up and put her in the crate ) she would just cry , scream and howl . I actually called the breeder and ask " what should we do ? ! " Some dogs don 't take to a crate so the advice was to just let her sleep wherever she laid down . She would still have to be crated at night since she wasn 't fully potty trained . I slept on the floor next to her for four weeks , slowly increasing the distance from her until I could get in to bed . Back to daycare , at 13 weeks she started playing with the other dogs ( shots at 12 weeks , then a week to recover ) . She played with the other puppies and came home worn out . For one hour during the day all the dogs are kenneled ( inside ) for a lunch break . Liezel was still getting three meals a day so this was her lunch and nap break . Being in the kennel alone was as bad as being crated . She would pee / poop herself and cry and howl . One day they had to bathe her because she was in such a tither she got poop all over herself . This was causing me to have some anxiety . I have a happy , healthy puppy who does not like to be crated . I start wondering ' how am I ever going to leave the house ? , ' ' how are we ever going to leave her alone ? , ' ' what have I gotten us into ? ' I talked to the trainer once we started puppy classes and she had some tips . 1 ) never let her out of the crate when she 's crying - doing so will teach her that crying gets her released . Um , she cries the whole time she 's in it . 2 ) hit a wall just outside the room where the crate is . It will get her attention and she will stop to listen . At that moment of silence go get her . 3 ) never tell her " good girl " when she 's coming out of the crate - doing so will teach her getting out is the reward . 4 ) do not show excitement when letting her out . Open the door and walk away . Getting out is not fun / exciting ; going in should be . So over the course of the next couple of months we worked on this . The living room crate for naps was removed and the bedroom crate for nighttime was moved from the foot of the bed to my side . The move would allow her to see down the hallway when she was crated when we went out . Here I should interject that " going out " meant running to the grocery store , maybe going out to dinner , or stopping by my parents ( they live two miles away ) . This wasn 't out to dinner , drinks , and a movie - or even an extended family get - together . We were gone an hour or less . When we got home the crate would be covered in drool and she would be panting . Separation anxiety ? Just complete fear of the crate ? What is the problem , here ? At five months old we stopped using the crate all together . She was locked in our bedroom by a baby gate when we went out and this was a much better solution . She was calmer and we found ( via recording ) that she would curl up on the bed and sleep while we were gone . No drooling , panting , or pacing . She also started sleeping with us at night . It seemed a better option than the nighttime crying , panting , drooling , etc . She jumped into bed , curled up , and that was that . We continued with classes . Puppy class was a great success ! She knew sit , down , shake , watch , and touch before class even started ( remember those several weeks she stayed home ? We were teaching her some stuff . ) so she was kinda the star student [ proud smile ] . By the time we got to intermediate / advanced obedience we noticed some undesirable behaviors . Also around this time , the weather had gotten better and we started taking walks where we also observed undesirable behavior . At class she began barking and attempting to run toward ( on leash ) other people . On a walk , once we got about two houses away , she would turn around pulling toward home . Her happy disposition changed to a vigilant , nervous one . If anyone came out and asked to pet her , she would shrink back and avoid being touched . When she was about 6 months old we were on a walk in the neighborhood . Approaching a driveway partially blocked by a Jeep , two remote control cars came toward us . Liezel barked and lunged at them . The cars were being run by two little boys and the adult started screaming , " Get that dog off of my property before I get my f - ing gun and shoot it . " Hmm . This seemed over - the - top . My then 6 - month old puppy , was startled by the things coming at her , and she reacted . The guy went crazy ! I pointed out to him that I was on city property and I had every right to be there . Well his threats continued so I called the police . He too called the police and was yelling " It 's a Rottweiler ! A ROTTWEILER ! " While on the phone with the police his wife approached me saying " Please , just leave . Please . " Another man in his group approached me saying , " Get out of here you bitch ! " The whole thing escalated very quickly and it really shook me and Liezel up . After this episode I became very nervous about walking Liezel . If you know anything about dogs , you know they feed off their owners ' feelings . So I 'm feeding her nervousness and anxiety by being nervous and anxious . Round and round it went . Around this time a few other things happened . We took a day trip to see the breeder and let her see Liezel . When Deb tried to pet Liezel 's head , Liezel back away . Deb asked me " You haven 't hit her have you ? " Nope . We went camping one weekend and Liezel was so frantic and worried she barked the entire time and got to the point of vomiting from nervousness . We actually took her for a car ride hoping 1 ) to calm her down and 2 ) let the other campers have some peace and quiet . She started barking and lunging at all strangers - going into and out of daycare , at agility class , on a walk , etc . All strangers . And she would freak out at the sound of any car door outside , the doorbell ( real or on TV ) , or the neighbors she could see in their house from the backyard . When I say " freaking out " she would jump up , front paws on the front door , scratching , barking , spit flying , hackles up . Most times there was nothing there . Then it would take an hour or more for her to calm down . I spoke with the trainer about all of this . She did not seem very concerned and gave the impression that Liezel could outgrow it . This was insufficient for me . I needed an action plan . We also had a guy out to our house who represented a company that used e - collars . The company came recommended to us by a family member . His presentation and explanation was really off - putting . We didn 't understand the concept and wondered how could we expect Liezel to understand if we didn 't . Additionally , he said " The dog will have to wear a muzzle in order for me to work with her . " I 'm not opposed to using a muzzle , but he made no attempt to interact with Liezel . His idea was put a muzzle on her and an e - collar and get started . Neither my husband nor I got a good feeling about this so the idea was quickly discarded . The third trainer , Lynn , taught me about thresholds . Not letting Liezel get to the point of reacting because once she was over threshold she was unable to learn . I guess it would be like trying to learn a new skill while being chased by a bear ? When something scary is happening to you , you are not in a learning frame of mind . Week after week for several months , Lynn came to our house and worked on keeping Liezel under threshold . Here 's how it started . Liezel was in the bedroom when Lynn arrived . She sat at the kitchen table while I went to get Liezel . Liezel and I came out of the bedroom one step at a time . When Liezel saw Lynn , I was to say " Good girl " give her a treat , and retreat to the bedroom . Her reward for looking and not reacting was getting to leave the scary thing / person . After weeks of this , we moved outside . Lynn would be across the street and I would walk Liezel . When Liezel looked at Lynn she was praised and treated . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the lesson was over . Lynn also gave me instructions on a dog training process that taught the dog to stay on a mat / bed / blanket while things went on around it . So day one you tell the dog " go to your mat " and treat her when she gets on it [ Liezel already knew " go to your bed " so this was not difficult to teach ] . Take one step away from the mat and come back with " good girl " and a treat . This goes on and on for weeks with progressively more difficult things like running around the dog / mat , leaving the room , opening the front door , and ringing the doorbell . When you get through the whole thing , you start all over again in a different room . We went through all of the weeks ( it took twice as long as the plan because you can 't move on to the next day if the dog gets off the mat today ) and then started the whole thing over in the backyard . Also during this time , we hired a stranger to do stranger approaches . I found a local pet walker and paid her to sit at one end of the parking lot of an empty factory building , while we , 500 feet away , tried to approach and stay under threshold . The instructions from Lynn on this exercise was to come out from behind the building and wait for Liezel to see the stranger . Once she did , " good girl " and retreat . Do it again and try to get a foot closer . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the training was over for the day . After a few months we could get about 450 feet away before Liezel reacted . I stopped taking her to agility with our original trainer . Liezel seemed to really like running the agility course , but on the sideline she would panic over the other people and dogs . It came to a point where I decided the fun of the course did not outweigh the stress of the sidelines . We talked with our vet about this , all of this . She had blood sent out to test for thyroid issues and the results came back normal . It was time to try medication . Our vet could not prescribe Prozac so we went to a recommended veterinary behaviorist who did . She put Liezel on 30mg / day . The intention of medication was to calm Liezel enough so we could continue working on training under threshold . We were becoming a bit reclusive . An entire summer went by and we never took our camper out of storage . I was avoiding any talk of vacation because I didn 't know what we would do with her . When she was 14 months old we did go on vacation and left her with our original trainer . I checked in with the trainer everyday but got vague responses . Come to find out , Liezel just paced the whole time we were gone . During said summer when we didn 't camp , I came across a trainer that I had emailed months before but never heard back from . He was a police dog trainer so I assumed my issues with Liezel probably weren 't what he was looking to work with . He had a booth set up at a city festival advertising dog training , specifically aggression . I found my original email to him , forwarded it with a note saying " Hey , just saw you at the festival . Please see my email below from several months ago and let me know if you can help . " Simply , Z says : June 18 , 2016 at 10 : 35 am Interesting thoughts . We had a puppy too but sadly parted with her because of allergies . We found a nice home for her . I could relate to your puppy " hating " her crate . I will definitely refer to your blog when we get a second chance . Keep writing . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 18 , 2016 at 11 : 40 am Thank you ! It 's been hard having a fearful dog but also very rewarding ! I hope my lessons can help some one else . Reply Tim Taylor says : June 19 , 2016 at 9 : 14 am I 've read all your posts and I have to say they are extremely interesting . My favorite breed is a Doberman , next is German Shepard and then Rottweilers . I hate little yappin ' dogs with a passion . I absolutely love Wolves and I almost got one once upon a time . For me , that would have been a dream come true . Keep writin ' , ' cause now I wanna know how Liezel progresses ! I , too , have a pooch who doesn 't like the crate idea . She does the same panting , drooling thing , plus licks her front legs into sopping appendages ! I went for the baby gate idea , as well , because it didn 't make any sense to continue to upset her so badly with the crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 24 , 2016 at 5 : 56 pm Thank you ! And thank you for following me . Liezel has been trying , but when I look into her little brown almond eyes , I know she was meant for me and me for her . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply jay1991katira says : June 28 , 2016 at 1 : 33 am Nice one , You gave me nice snaps of pet . I love dogs . thank you Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 7 , 2016 at 8 : 17 am I love dogs , too ! They 're loyal and loving . I 'm glad you like the pictures ! Reply frankprem says : July 1 , 2016 at 6 : 47 pm Gorgeous looking dog . Best luck with raising her , and much enjoyment . Cheers , Frank Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 18 , 2016 at 2 : 26 pm Thanks , Laura . I need to commit some time to writing . We 've had a house guest for two weeks and she 's exhausting ! Reply Vaibhav says : July 26 , 2016 at 6 : 26 am Hi again , thanks for stopping by . I read this post and have to say this - I 'm not a dog person at all , bit scared actually and love cats . However , Liezel looks so adorable . A missed vacation sounds terrible but am sure this phase will pass . Great blog title - it will go places . Have a nice day . Reply txhomegirl says : July 27 , 2016 at 5 : 00 pm Good blog ! I have to know what happened . I love Rotts . I 've owned two males and now own a female . She is much more skittish than my males were . Reply hadleylovesgus says : August 9 , 2016 at 12 : 36 pm I feel your pain ! We have our little yorkie , Gus , who suffers from fear of strangers as well . We are in the process of working with him now too . Thank you for writing ! I am hopeful to do a similar documentation of our journey as its been a great help to hear of other stories of people like us who are working hard to help a pup in this type of situation . Thank you ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 9 , 2016 at 5 : 42 pm I 'm so happy to be able to share this experience with you ! The anxiety and constant stress of Liezel 's fear has been tiresome . Every little accomplishment is celebrated because we 're that much closer to her being comfortable . Thank you for reading . I look forward to hearing more about Gus . LikeLike Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 10 am What a captivating story . Hats off to you for sticking with Liezel . She is truly lucky to have found you guys . We 're having some issues with our Bella ( nothing as severe as this ) and reading this makes me believe there might be hope yet 🙂 Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 14 am Hi Diya . Thanks for reading about Liezel ! Yes , there is hope ! With a good trainer and a lot of patience , improvement can be made . What is Bella doing ? Is she fearful ? Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 22 am Yes she is . Goes on full alert , growls and barks persistently when someone dares to pass by our front door . Thankfully she doesn 't lunge at anyone and sometimes I think she barks more out of fear than possessiveness of her territory . Part of it may just be us reading the signs wrong . We are first time dog owners and are only fostering her for a few weeks . She seems okay at times and just when we think she has finally acclimatized she starts up again . But she 's a sweetheart and we will be sorry to see her go . owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 2 : 54 pm I wish that just once in a while they could talk . All the best with Bella ! LikeLike Vernon says : August 27 , 2016 at 5 : 11 am Hi I 'm a passionate Rottweiler owner . I understand your lost with Zelda . When I lost my first Rott name BAR I said I would never own another dog . It took me years to get over him . Today we have our third one name Sebastian . It was my wife first time ever owning a dog . He had anxiety and tried to run our home when we first got him . I never had a crate with my first two dogs so when Nicole said he have to stay in one until we get him trained from chewing everything I wasn 't sure about it . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 27 , 2016 at 8 : 00 am Hi Vernon ! Your comment made me smile first thing this morning ! Yes , Rottweilers have special personalities . I 'm sorry for your loss of BAR . It is so very painful . Congratulations on opening your heart and home to other dogs - they really do make home a better place . For your wife , a first time male Rottweiler is a brave place to start ! According to the breeder we used , the males goes through an ownership phase where they test you to see what they can get away with . Sure , female go through terrible twos , but I guess it doesn 't compare . You mention the nervousness and insecurities - you are spot on with that ! Liezel picks up my emotions in a frighteningly accurate way . If I 'm even feeling a little off , she starts acting nervous . Maybe that 's proof that she was meant to be mine : ) . I really think that most ( if not all ) Rottweilers are big babies ! ! Liezel 's whole issue is fear , she is afraid of strangers . But the people she knows … she will do anything you tell her for a treat , she wants to lick your face and get her belly rubbed . I 'm happy that your wife loves dogs now . Shelby sounds cute - for a little dog - hahaha ! I 'm more of a big dog kinda gal . Ecohug says : September 14 , 2016 at 11 : 35 am Great post , I really enjoyed reading it and wanted to tell you that you are a great dog mom for sticking it out and really working on helping Liezel . I wanted to ask if you tried anything more natural to relieve anxiety , like herbs that are designed to relax the dog ? We had something similar ( not as bad as yours ) with our dog , Maddie , when we brought her home and giving her some herbs really helped her be calm especially in her crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : September 14 , 2016 at 12 : 55 pm Hi ! Thank you for reading about Liezel ! Yes , she gets two Chinese herbs : Shen Calmer and Chai Hu Shu Gan . Both are from our vet . We noticed HUGE improvements once we started the herbs . At one point last winter I took her off of them since she was doing pretty good and we noticed regression in her reactivity . The vet recommended putting her back on them , and again , they brought her back to a calmer , less reactive dog . Reply 200 Saturdays until Paris says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 26 pm I love what a patient and kind person you have been with your baby . I know it has been hard , but I am so happy you didn 't give up . ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 38 pm Thank you ! She she is wonderful in many , many ways . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 20 , 2016 at 5 : 14 am I 'm exhausted reading what you have been through . Also if you need to have break , Liezel should be in good hands with the breeder . I look forward to reading if it gets better for you . Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 21 , 2016 at 5 : 02 am Yes it was long , but it was very thoroughly written . I was hoping desperately that peace and harmony would reign for you , but I had to wait until now to find out . But I am very glad it has gotten better for you . Good on your parents . John Chon says : November 14 , 2016 at 7 : 06 pm Your dog is so cute ! I really liked how thorough you were in this post . I can tell that you love your dog very much . It 's so great to see loving and responsible dog owners out there 🙂 Keep up the great work ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 15 , 2016 at 4 : 43 am Hi John ! Thank you ! We think she 's pretty cute , too . I 'm very glad you enjoyed reading about Liezel . She is doing so much better . LikeLiked by 1 person charlypriest says : November 17 , 2016 at 12 : 58 pm Cute dog , I myself have a recent addition to the family that is called Tina a bulldog of 7 months . What I find fascinating about all this is … . . the dog has a daycarecenter ! That is unheard here in Spain . That dog has better care as a youngster than I did . I 'm actually jealous . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 17 , 2016 at 2 : 34 pm Oh what we do for our pets here … ! Thank you for reading ! Yay for you and Tina ! There is something so wonderful about having a dog . Reply charlypriest says : November 18 , 2016 at 6 : 09 am She does puts me a smile on the face , although she can be a pain in the but quite a lot of times . Specially when she starts eating walls , chairs , sofas , socks , the list goes on . What a stomach this dog has , it 's bullet proof .
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Knowing nothing about blogs or blogging , I had a * great * idea this morning to start my own and write all about my dog . I considered writing a book … but would there be enough to say and would anyone care ? At least this way , I can get it all out in writing , look at what I 've got and see where it goes . We ( my husband and I ) brought home a 7 . 5 week Rottweiler puppy on January 17 , 2014 . We named her Liezel ( sounds like diesel ) , I 'll spare you the long AKC registered name . I was apprehensive because we had just gone though a painful year and a half of caring for a very sick Rottweiler , Zelda . We put her down just before her second birthday in September , 2013 , and it was heartbreaking . Zelda was my first dog , I loved her more than I knew was possible . Getting a new puppy was scary ( what if she 's sick ) and exciting ( puppies are fun and cute ) . My intention for getting a dog was not only companionship but also to compete in dog sports ( obedience , agility ) , ultimately Schutzhund . We were supposed to start puppy classes right away , but Liezel not having her 12 - week shots , I postponed classes until the " next semester " for fear she would get sick . From 8 weeks to 11 weeks , Liezel stayed home . I took a week off of work , my husband took a week off , and my retired parents stayed with her for a week during the day while we worked . Aside from hating the crate she seemed like a perfectly content pup . The neighbors came over to meet her and when she met their Rottweiler , she was in Heaven ! She took to him like he was her best friend . I wondered if she thought " Wow ! Something like me - just bigger . " I remember commenting that the neighbor 's dog looked at me with an expression of " get this mosquito away from me ! " She loved when he came over . During the 8 - to 12 - week age we had major snowfall in Michigan . We had to dig tracks in the yard for Liezel to go potty since the snow was deeper than she was tall . It was very cold and with the snow and salt we did not take her for walks . However , she went to the pet store ( I carried her ) , the vet , and my parents house for small amounts of exposure . I know , I know " 8 - to 12 - weeks is a critical time for socialization ! " My thought process was I would rather delay socialization a few weeks than take the chance of having another sick dog . At eleven weeks , Liezel started daycare . She couldn 't be with the other puppies yet because she still had a week to go for shots , but she was in the office with the employees - and out of the house . The daycare workers pointed out that she really hated being crated ( yep , we know ) . At home or daycare , while crated she would howl and cry to the point of peeing and / or pooping herself . Never was the crate used for punishment . The purpose of crating her was to create her own private space . The idea being she can go to her crate knowing that when there no one will bother her . It 's her " safe place . " In the meantime , until she realized it was her safe - place she would be crated for naps and at night . It got to the point during what should have been nap time ( she 's fallen asleep somewhere and we pick her up and put her in the crate ) she would just cry , scream and howl . I actually called the breeder and ask " what should we do ? ! " Some dogs don 't take to a crate so the advice was to just let her sleep wherever she laid down . She would still have to be crated at night since she wasn 't fully potty trained . I slept on the floor next to her for four weeks , slowly increasing the distance from her until I could get in to bed . Back to daycare , at 13 weeks she started playing with the other dogs ( shots at 12 weeks , then a week to recover ) . She played with the other puppies and came home worn out . For one hour during the day all the dogs are kenneled ( inside ) for a lunch break . Liezel was still getting three meals a day so this was her lunch and nap break . Being in the kennel alone was as bad as being crated . She would pee / poop herself and cry and howl . One day they had to bathe her because she was in such a tither she got poop all over herself . This was causing me to have some anxiety . I have a happy , healthy puppy who does not like to be crated . I start wondering ' how am I ever going to leave the house ? , ' ' how are we ever going to leave her alone ? , ' ' what have I gotten us into ? ' I talked to the trainer once we started puppy classes and she had some tips . 1 ) never let her out of the crate when she 's crying - doing so will teach her that crying gets her released . Um , she cries the whole time she 's in it . 2 ) hit a wall just outside the room where the crate is . It will get her attention and she will stop to listen . At that moment of silence go get her . 3 ) never tell her " good girl " when she 's coming out of the crate - doing so will teach her getting out is the reward . 4 ) do not show excitement when letting her out . Open the door and walk away . Getting out is not fun / exciting ; going in should be . So over the course of the next couple of months we worked on this . The living room crate for naps was removed and the bedroom crate for nighttime was moved from the foot of the bed to my side . The move would allow her to see down the hallway when she was crated when we went out . Here I should interject that " going out " meant running to the grocery store , maybe going out to dinner , or stopping by my parents ( they live two miles away ) . This wasn 't out to dinner , drinks , and a movie - or even an extended family get - together . We were gone an hour or less . When we got home the crate would be covered in drool and she would be panting . Separation anxiety ? Just complete fear of the crate ? What is the problem , here ? At five months old we stopped using the crate all together . She was locked in our bedroom by a baby gate when we went out and this was a much better solution . She was calmer and we found ( via recording ) that she would curl up on the bed and sleep while we were gone . No drooling , panting , or pacing . She also started sleeping with us at night . It seemed a better option than the nighttime crying , panting , drooling , etc . She jumped into bed , curled up , and that was that . We continued with classes . Puppy class was a great success ! She knew sit , down , shake , watch , and touch before class even started ( remember those several weeks she stayed home ? We were teaching her some stuff . ) so she was kinda the star student [ proud smile ] . By the time we got to intermediate / advanced obedience we noticed some undesirable behaviors . Also around this time , the weather had gotten better and we started taking walks where we also observed undesirable behavior . At class she began barking and attempting to run toward ( on leash ) other people . On a walk , once we got about two houses away , she would turn around pulling toward home . Her happy disposition changed to a vigilant , nervous one . If anyone came out and asked to pet her , she would shrink back and avoid being touched . When she was about 6 months old we were on a walk in the neighborhood . Approaching a driveway partially blocked by a Jeep , two remote control cars came toward us . Liezel barked and lunged at them . The cars were being run by two little boys and the adult started screaming , " Get that dog off of my property before I get my f - ing gun and shoot it . " Hmm . This seemed over - the - top . My then 6 - month old puppy , was startled by the things coming at her , and she reacted . The guy went crazy ! I pointed out to him that I was on city property and I had every right to be there . Well his threats continued so I called the police . He too called the police and was yelling " It 's a Rottweiler ! A ROTTWEILER ! " While on the phone with the police his wife approached me saying " Please , just leave . Please . " Another man in his group approached me saying , " Get out of here you bitch ! " The whole thing escalated very quickly and it really shook me and Liezel up . After this episode I became very nervous about walking Liezel . If you know anything about dogs , you know they feed off their owners ' feelings . So I 'm feeding her nervousness and anxiety by being nervous and anxious . Round and round it went . Around this time a few other things happened . We took a day trip to see the breeder and let her see Liezel . When Deb tried to pet Liezel 's head , Liezel back away . Deb asked me " You haven 't hit her have you ? " Nope . We went camping one weekend and Liezel was so frantic and worried she barked the entire time and got to the point of vomiting from nervousness . We actually took her for a car ride hoping 1 ) to calm her down and 2 ) let the other campers have some peace and quiet . She started barking and lunging at all strangers - going into and out of daycare , at agility class , on a walk , etc . All strangers . And she would freak out at the sound of any car door outside , the doorbell ( real or on TV ) , or the neighbors she could see in their house from the backyard . When I say " freaking out " she would jump up , front paws on the front door , scratching , barking , spit flying , hackles up . Most times there was nothing there . Then it would take an hour or more for her to calm down . I spoke with the trainer about all of this . She did not seem very concerned and gave the impression that Liezel could outgrow it . This was insufficient for me . I needed an action plan . We also had a guy out to our house who represented a company that used e - collars . The company came recommended to us by a family member . His presentation and explanation was really off - putting . We didn 't understand the concept and wondered how could we expect Liezel to understand if we didn 't . Additionally , he said " The dog will have to wear a muzzle in order for me to work with her . " I 'm not opposed to using a muzzle , but he made no attempt to interact with Liezel . His idea was put a muzzle on her and an e - collar and get started . Neither my husband nor I got a good feeling about this so the idea was quickly discarded . The third trainer , Lynn , taught me about thresholds . Not letting Liezel get to the point of reacting because once she was over threshold she was unable to learn . I guess it would be like trying to learn a new skill while being chased by a bear ? When something scary is happening to you , you are not in a learning frame of mind . Week after week for several months , Lynn came to our house and worked on keeping Liezel under threshold . Here 's how it started . Liezel was in the bedroom when Lynn arrived . She sat at the kitchen table while I went to get Liezel . Liezel and I came out of the bedroom one step at a time . When Liezel saw Lynn , I was to say " Good girl " give her a treat , and retreat to the bedroom . Her reward for looking and not reacting was getting to leave the scary thing / person . After weeks of this , we moved outside . Lynn would be across the street and I would walk Liezel . When Liezel looked at Lynn she was praised and treated . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the lesson was over . Lynn also gave me instructions on a dog training process that taught the dog to stay on a mat / bed / blanket while things went on around it . So day one you tell the dog " go to your mat " and treat her when she gets on it [ Liezel already knew " go to your bed " so this was not difficult to teach ] . Take one step away from the mat and come back with " good girl " and a treat . This goes on and on for weeks with progressively more difficult things like running around the dog / mat , leaving the room , opening the front door , and ringing the doorbell . When you get through the whole thing , you start all over again in a different room . We went through all of the weeks ( it took twice as long as the plan because you can 't move on to the next day if the dog gets off the mat today ) and then started the whole thing over in the backyard . Also during this time , we hired a stranger to do stranger approaches . I found a local pet walker and paid her to sit at one end of the parking lot of an empty factory building , while we , 500 feet away , tried to approach and stay under threshold . The instructions from Lynn on this exercise was to come out from behind the building and wait for Liezel to see the stranger . Once she did , " good girl " and retreat . Do it again and try to get a foot closer . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the training was over for the day . After a few months we could get about 450 feet away before Liezel reacted . I stopped taking her to agility with our original trainer . Liezel seemed to really like running the agility course , but on the sideline she would panic over the other people and dogs . It came to a point where I decided the fun of the course did not outweigh the stress of the sidelines . We talked with our vet about this , all of this . She had blood sent out to test for thyroid issues and the results came back normal . It was time to try medication . Our vet could not prescribe Prozac so we went to a recommended veterinary behaviorist who did . She put Liezel on 30mg / day . The intention of medication was to calm Liezel enough so we could continue working on training under threshold . We were becoming a bit reclusive . An entire summer went by and we never took our camper out of storage . I was avoiding any talk of vacation because I didn 't know what we would do with her . When she was 14 months old we did go on vacation and left her with our original trainer . I checked in with the trainer everyday but got vague responses . Come to find out , Liezel just paced the whole time we were gone . During said summer when we didn 't camp , I came across a trainer that I had emailed months before but never heard back from . He was a police dog trainer so I assumed my issues with Liezel probably weren 't what he was looking to work with . He had a booth set up at a city festival advertising dog training , specifically aggression . I found my original email to him , forwarded it with a note saying " Hey , just saw you at the festival . Please see my email below from several months ago and let me know if you can help . " Simply , Z says : June 18 , 2016 at 10 : 35 am Interesting thoughts . We had a puppy too but sadly parted with her because of allergies . We found a nice home for her . I could relate to your puppy " hating " her crate . I will definitely refer to your blog when we get a second chance . Keep writing . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 18 , 2016 at 11 : 40 am Thank you ! It 's been hard having a fearful dog but also very rewarding ! I hope my lessons can help some one else . Reply Tim Taylor says : June 19 , 2016 at 9 : 14 am I 've read all your posts and I have to say they are extremely interesting . My favorite breed is a Doberman , next is German Shepard and then Rottweilers . I hate little yappin ' dogs with a passion . I absolutely love Wolves and I almost got one once upon a time . For me , that would have been a dream come true . Keep writin ' , ' cause now I wanna know how Liezel progresses ! I , too , have a pooch who doesn 't like the crate idea . She does the same panting , drooling thing , plus licks her front legs into sopping appendages ! I went for the baby gate idea , as well , because it didn 't make any sense to continue to upset her so badly with the crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 24 , 2016 at 5 : 56 pm Thank you ! And thank you for following me . Liezel has been trying , but when I look into her little brown almond eyes , I know she was meant for me and me for her . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply jay1991katira says : June 28 , 2016 at 1 : 33 am Nice one , You gave me nice snaps of pet . I love dogs . thank you Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 7 , 2016 at 8 : 17 am I love dogs , too ! They 're loyal and loving . I 'm glad you like the pictures ! Reply frankprem says : July 1 , 2016 at 6 : 47 pm Gorgeous looking dog . Best luck with raising her , and much enjoyment . Cheers , Frank Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 18 , 2016 at 2 : 26 pm Thanks , Laura . I need to commit some time to writing . We 've had a house guest for two weeks and she 's exhausting ! Reply Vaibhav says : July 26 , 2016 at 6 : 26 am Hi again , thanks for stopping by . I read this post and have to say this - I 'm not a dog person at all , bit scared actually and love cats . However , Liezel looks so adorable . A missed vacation sounds terrible but am sure this phase will pass . Great blog title - it will go places . Have a nice day . Reply txhomegirl says : July 27 , 2016 at 5 : 00 pm Good blog ! I have to know what happened . I love Rotts . I 've owned two males and now own a female . She is much more skittish than my males were . Reply hadleylovesgus says : August 9 , 2016 at 12 : 36 pm I feel your pain ! We have our little yorkie , Gus , who suffers from fear of strangers as well . We are in the process of working with him now too . Thank you for writing ! I am hopeful to do a similar documentation of our journey as its been a great help to hear of other stories of people like us who are working hard to help a pup in this type of situation . Thank you ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 9 , 2016 at 5 : 42 pm I 'm so happy to be able to share this experience with you ! The anxiety and constant stress of Liezel 's fear has been tiresome . Every little accomplishment is celebrated because we 're that much closer to her being comfortable . Thank you for reading . I look forward to hearing more about Gus . LikeLike Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 10 am What a captivating story . Hats off to you for sticking with Liezel . She is truly lucky to have found you guys . We 're having some issues with our Bella ( nothing as severe as this ) and reading this makes me believe there might be hope yet 🙂 Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 14 am Hi Diya . Thanks for reading about Liezel ! Yes , there is hope ! With a good trainer and a lot of patience , improvement can be made . What is Bella doing ? Is she fearful ? Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 22 am Yes she is . Goes on full alert , growls and barks persistently when someone dares to pass by our front door . Thankfully she doesn 't lunge at anyone and sometimes I think she barks more out of fear than possessiveness of her territory . Part of it may just be us reading the signs wrong . We are first time dog owners and are only fostering her for a few weeks . She seems okay at times and just when we think she has finally acclimatized she starts up again . But she 's a sweetheart and we will be sorry to see her go . owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 2 : 54 pm I wish that just once in a while they could talk . All the best with Bella ! LikeLike Vernon says : August 27 , 2016 at 5 : 11 am Hi I 'm a passionate Rottweiler owner . I understand your lost with Zelda . When I lost my first Rott name BAR I said I would never own another dog . It took me years to get over him . Today we have our third one name Sebastian . It was my wife first time ever owning a dog . He had anxiety and tried to run our home when we first got him . I never had a crate with my first two dogs so when Nicole said he have to stay in one until we get him trained from chewing everything I wasn 't sure about it . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 27 , 2016 at 8 : 00 am Hi Vernon ! Your comment made me smile first thing this morning ! Yes , Rottweilers have special personalities . I 'm sorry for your loss of BAR . It is so very painful . Congratulations on opening your heart and home to other dogs - they really do make home a better place . For your wife , a first time male Rottweiler is a brave place to start ! According to the breeder we used , the males goes through an ownership phase where they test you to see what they can get away with . Sure , female go through terrible twos , but I guess it doesn 't compare . You mention the nervousness and insecurities - you are spot on with that ! Liezel picks up my emotions in a frighteningly accurate way . If I 'm even feeling a little off , she starts acting nervous . Maybe that 's proof that she was meant to be mine : ) . I really think that most ( if not all ) Rottweilers are big babies ! ! Liezel 's whole issue is fear , she is afraid of strangers . But the people she knows … she will do anything you tell her for a treat , she wants to lick your face and get her belly rubbed . I 'm happy that your wife loves dogs now . Shelby sounds cute - for a little dog - hahaha ! I 'm more of a big dog kinda gal . Ecohug says : September 14 , 2016 at 11 : 35 am Great post , I really enjoyed reading it and wanted to tell you that you are a great dog mom for sticking it out and really working on helping Liezel . I wanted to ask if you tried anything more natural to relieve anxiety , like herbs that are designed to relax the dog ? We had something similar ( not as bad as yours ) with our dog , Maddie , when we brought her home and giving her some herbs really helped her be calm especially in her crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : September 14 , 2016 at 12 : 55 pm Hi ! Thank you for reading about Liezel ! Yes , she gets two Chinese herbs : Shen Calmer and Chai Hu Shu Gan . Both are from our vet . We noticed HUGE improvements once we started the herbs . At one point last winter I took her off of them since she was doing pretty good and we noticed regression in her reactivity . The vet recommended putting her back on them , and again , they brought her back to a calmer , less reactive dog . Reply 200 Saturdays until Paris says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 26 pm I love what a patient and kind person you have been with your baby . I know it has been hard , but I am so happy you didn 't give up . ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 38 pm Thank you ! She she is wonderful in many , many ways . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 20 , 2016 at 5 : 14 am I 'm exhausted reading what you have been through . Also if you need to have break , Liezel should be in good hands with the breeder . I look forward to reading if it gets better for you . Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 21 , 2016 at 5 : 02 am Yes it was long , but it was very thoroughly written . I was hoping desperately that peace and harmony would reign for you , but I had to wait until now to find out . But I am very glad it has gotten better for you . Good on your parents . John Chon says : November 14 , 2016 at 7 : 06 pm Your dog is so cute ! I really liked how thorough you were in this post . I can tell that you love your dog very much . It 's so great to see loving and responsible dog owners out there 🙂 Keep up the great work ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 15 , 2016 at 4 : 43 am Hi John ! Thank you ! We think she 's pretty cute , too . I 'm very glad you enjoyed reading about Liezel . She is doing so much better . LikeLiked by 1 person charlypriest says : November 17 , 2016 at 12 : 58 pm Cute dog , I myself have a recent addition to the family that is called Tina a bulldog of 7 months . What I find fascinating about all this is … . . the dog has a daycarecenter ! That is unheard here in Spain . That dog has better care as a youngster than I did . I 'm actually jealous . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 17 , 2016 at 2 : 34 pm Oh what we do for our pets here … ! Thank you for reading ! Yay for you and Tina ! There is something so wonderful about having a dog . Reply charlypriest says : November 18 , 2016 at 6 : 09 am She does puts me a smile on the face , although she can be a pain in the but quite a lot of times . Specially when she starts eating walls , chairs , sofas , socks , the list goes on . What a stomach this dog has , it 's bullet proof .
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Knowing nothing about blogs or blogging , I had a * great * idea this morning to start my own and write all about my dog . I considered writing a book … but would there be enough to say and would anyone care ? At least this way , I can get it all out in writing , look at what I 've got and see where it goes . We ( my husband and I ) brought home a 7 . 5 week Rottweiler puppy on January 17 , 2014 . We named her Liezel ( sounds like diesel ) , I 'll spare you the long AKC registered name . I was apprehensive because we had just gone though a painful year and a half of caring for a very sick Rottweiler , Zelda . We put her down just before her second birthday in September , 2013 , and it was heartbreaking . Zelda was my first dog , I loved her more than I knew was possible . Getting a new puppy was scary ( what if she 's sick ) and exciting ( puppies are fun and cute ) . My intention for getting a dog was not only companionship but also to compete in dog sports ( obedience , agility ) , ultimately Schutzhund . We were supposed to start puppy classes right away , but Liezel not having her 12 - week shots , I postponed classes until the " next semester " for fear she would get sick . From 8 weeks to 11 weeks , Liezel stayed home . I took a week off of work , my husband took a week off , and my retired parents stayed with her for a week during the day while we worked . Aside from hating the crate she seemed like a perfectly content pup . The neighbors came over to meet her and when she met their Rottweiler , she was in Heaven ! She took to him like he was her best friend . I wondered if she thought " Wow ! Something like me - just bigger . " I remember commenting that the neighbor 's dog looked at me with an expression of " get this mosquito away from me ! " She loved when he came over . During the 8 - to 12 - week age we had major snowfall in Michigan . We had to dig tracks in the yard for Liezel to go potty since the snow was deeper than she was tall . It was very cold and with the snow and salt we did not take her for walks . However , she went to the pet store ( I carried her ) , the vet , and my parents house for small amounts of exposure . I know , I know " 8 - to 12 - weeks is a critical time for socialization ! " My thought process was I would rather delay socialization a few weeks than take the chance of having another sick dog . At eleven weeks , Liezel started daycare . She couldn 't be with the other puppies yet because she still had a week to go for shots , but she was in the office with the employees - and out of the house . The daycare workers pointed out that she really hated being crated ( yep , we know ) . At home or daycare , while crated she would howl and cry to the point of peeing and / or pooping herself . Never was the crate used for punishment . The purpose of crating her was to create her own private space . The idea being she can go to her crate knowing that when there no one will bother her . It 's her " safe place . " In the meantime , until she realized it was her safe - place she would be crated for naps and at night . It got to the point during what should have been nap time ( she 's fallen asleep somewhere and we pick her up and put her in the crate ) she would just cry , scream and howl . I actually called the breeder and ask " what should we do ? ! " Some dogs don 't take to a crate so the advice was to just let her sleep wherever she laid down . She would still have to be crated at night since she wasn 't fully potty trained . I slept on the floor next to her for four weeks , slowly increasing the distance from her until I could get in to bed . Back to daycare , at 13 weeks she started playing with the other dogs ( shots at 12 weeks , then a week to recover ) . She played with the other puppies and came home worn out . For one hour during the day all the dogs are kenneled ( inside ) for a lunch break . Liezel was still getting three meals a day so this was her lunch and nap break . Being in the kennel alone was as bad as being crated . She would pee / poop herself and cry and howl . One day they had to bathe her because she was in such a tither she got poop all over herself . This was causing me to have some anxiety . I have a happy , healthy puppy who does not like to be crated . I start wondering ' how am I ever going to leave the house ? , ' ' how are we ever going to leave her alone ? , ' ' what have I gotten us into ? ' I talked to the trainer once we started puppy classes and she had some tips . 1 ) never let her out of the crate when she 's crying - doing so will teach her that crying gets her released . Um , she cries the whole time she 's in it . 2 ) hit a wall just outside the room where the crate is . It will get her attention and she will stop to listen . At that moment of silence go get her . 3 ) never tell her " good girl " when she 's coming out of the crate - doing so will teach her getting out is the reward . 4 ) do not show excitement when letting her out . Open the door and walk away . Getting out is not fun / exciting ; going in should be . So over the course of the next couple of months we worked on this . The living room crate for naps was removed and the bedroom crate for nighttime was moved from the foot of the bed to my side . The move would allow her to see down the hallway when she was crated when we went out . Here I should interject that " going out " meant running to the grocery store , maybe going out to dinner , or stopping by my parents ( they live two miles away ) . This wasn 't out to dinner , drinks , and a movie - or even an extended family get - together . We were gone an hour or less . When we got home the crate would be covered in drool and she would be panting . Separation anxiety ? Just complete fear of the crate ? What is the problem , here ? At five months old we stopped using the crate all together . She was locked in our bedroom by a baby gate when we went out and this was a much better solution . She was calmer and we found ( via recording ) that she would curl up on the bed and sleep while we were gone . No drooling , panting , or pacing . She also started sleeping with us at night . It seemed a better option than the nighttime crying , panting , drooling , etc . She jumped into bed , curled up , and that was that . We continued with classes . Puppy class was a great success ! She knew sit , down , shake , watch , and touch before class even started ( remember those several weeks she stayed home ? We were teaching her some stuff . ) so she was kinda the star student [ proud smile ] . By the time we got to intermediate / advanced obedience we noticed some undesirable behaviors . Also around this time , the weather had gotten better and we started taking walks where we also observed undesirable behavior . At class she began barking and attempting to run toward ( on leash ) other people . On a walk , once we got about two houses away , she would turn around pulling toward home . Her happy disposition changed to a vigilant , nervous one . If anyone came out and asked to pet her , she would shrink back and avoid being touched . When she was about 6 months old we were on a walk in the neighborhood . Approaching a driveway partially blocked by a Jeep , two remote control cars came toward us . Liezel barked and lunged at them . The cars were being run by two little boys and the adult started screaming , " Get that dog off of my property before I get my f - ing gun and shoot it . " Hmm . This seemed over - the - top . My then 6 - month old puppy , was startled by the things coming at her , and she reacted . The guy went crazy ! I pointed out to him that I was on city property and I had every right to be there . Well his threats continued so I called the police . He too called the police and was yelling " It 's a Rottweiler ! A ROTTWEILER ! " While on the phone with the police his wife approached me saying " Please , just leave . Please . " Another man in his group approached me saying , " Get out of here you bitch ! " The whole thing escalated very quickly and it really shook me and Liezel up . After this episode I became very nervous about walking Liezel . If you know anything about dogs , you know they feed off their owners ' feelings . So I 'm feeding her nervousness and anxiety by being nervous and anxious . Round and round it went . Around this time a few other things happened . We took a day trip to see the breeder and let her see Liezel . When Deb tried to pet Liezel 's head , Liezel back away . Deb asked me " You haven 't hit her have you ? " Nope . We went camping one weekend and Liezel was so frantic and worried she barked the entire time and got to the point of vomiting from nervousness . We actually took her for a car ride hoping 1 ) to calm her down and 2 ) let the other campers have some peace and quiet . She started barking and lunging at all strangers - going into and out of daycare , at agility class , on a walk , etc . All strangers . And she would freak out at the sound of any car door outside , the doorbell ( real or on TV ) , or the neighbors she could see in their house from the backyard . When I say " freaking out " she would jump up , front paws on the front door , scratching , barking , spit flying , hackles up . Most times there was nothing there . Then it would take an hour or more for her to calm down . I spoke with the trainer about all of this . She did not seem very concerned and gave the impression that Liezel could outgrow it . This was insufficient for me . I needed an action plan . We also had a guy out to our house who represented a company that used e - collars . The company came recommended to us by a family member . His presentation and explanation was really off - putting . We didn 't understand the concept and wondered how could we expect Liezel to understand if we didn 't . Additionally , he said " The dog will have to wear a muzzle in order for me to work with her . " I 'm not opposed to using a muzzle , but he made no attempt to interact with Liezel . His idea was put a muzzle on her and an e - collar and get started . Neither my husband nor I got a good feeling about this so the idea was quickly discarded . The third trainer , Lynn , taught me about thresholds . Not letting Liezel get to the point of reacting because once she was over threshold she was unable to learn . I guess it would be like trying to learn a new skill while being chased by a bear ? When something scary is happening to you , you are not in a learning frame of mind . Week after week for several months , Lynn came to our house and worked on keeping Liezel under threshold . Here 's how it started . Liezel was in the bedroom when Lynn arrived . She sat at the kitchen table while I went to get Liezel . Liezel and I came out of the bedroom one step at a time . When Liezel saw Lynn , I was to say " Good girl " give her a treat , and retreat to the bedroom . Her reward for looking and not reacting was getting to leave the scary thing / person . After weeks of this , we moved outside . Lynn would be across the street and I would walk Liezel . When Liezel looked at Lynn she was praised and treated . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the lesson was over . Lynn also gave me instructions on a dog training process that taught the dog to stay on a mat / bed / blanket while things went on around it . So day one you tell the dog " go to your mat " and treat her when she gets on it [ Liezel already knew " go to your bed " so this was not difficult to teach ] . Take one step away from the mat and come back with " good girl " and a treat . This goes on and on for weeks with progressively more difficult things like running around the dog / mat , leaving the room , opening the front door , and ringing the doorbell . When you get through the whole thing , you start all over again in a different room . We went through all of the weeks ( it took twice as long as the plan because you can 't move on to the next day if the dog gets off the mat today ) and then started the whole thing over in the backyard . Also during this time , we hired a stranger to do stranger approaches . I found a local pet walker and paid her to sit at one end of the parking lot of an empty factory building , while we , 500 feet away , tried to approach and stay under threshold . The instructions from Lynn on this exercise was to come out from behind the building and wait for Liezel to see the stranger . Once she did , " good girl " and retreat . Do it again and try to get a foot closer . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the training was over for the day . After a few months we could get about 450 feet away before Liezel reacted . I stopped taking her to agility with our original trainer . Liezel seemed to really like running the agility course , but on the sideline she would panic over the other people and dogs . It came to a point where I decided the fun of the course did not outweigh the stress of the sidelines . We talked with our vet about this , all of this . She had blood sent out to test for thyroid issues and the results came back normal . It was time to try medication . Our vet could not prescribe Prozac so we went to a recommended veterinary behaviorist who did . She put Liezel on 30mg / day . The intention of medication was to calm Liezel enough so we could continue working on training under threshold . We were becoming a bit reclusive . An entire summer went by and we never took our camper out of storage . I was avoiding any talk of vacation because I didn 't know what we would do with her . When she was 14 months old we did go on vacation and left her with our original trainer . I checked in with the trainer everyday but got vague responses . Come to find out , Liezel just paced the whole time we were gone . During said summer when we didn 't camp , I came across a trainer that I had emailed months before but never heard back from . He was a police dog trainer so I assumed my issues with Liezel probably weren 't what he was looking to work with . He had a booth set up at a city festival advertising dog training , specifically aggression . I found my original email to him , forwarded it with a note saying " Hey , just saw you at the festival . Please see my email below from several months ago and let me know if you can help . " Simply , Z says : June 18 , 2016 at 10 : 35 am Interesting thoughts . We had a puppy too but sadly parted with her because of allergies . We found a nice home for her . I could relate to your puppy " hating " her crate . I will definitely refer to your blog when we get a second chance . Keep writing . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 18 , 2016 at 11 : 40 am Thank you ! It 's been hard having a fearful dog but also very rewarding ! I hope my lessons can help some one else . Reply Tim Taylor says : June 19 , 2016 at 9 : 14 am I 've read all your posts and I have to say they are extremely interesting . My favorite breed is a Doberman , next is German Shepard and then Rottweilers . I hate little yappin ' dogs with a passion . I absolutely love Wolves and I almost got one once upon a time . For me , that would have been a dream come true . Keep writin ' , ' cause now I wanna know how Liezel progresses ! I , too , have a pooch who doesn 't like the crate idea . She does the same panting , drooling thing , plus licks her front legs into sopping appendages ! I went for the baby gate idea , as well , because it didn 't make any sense to continue to upset her so badly with the crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 24 , 2016 at 5 : 56 pm Thank you ! And thank you for following me . Liezel has been trying , but when I look into her little brown almond eyes , I know she was meant for me and me for her . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply jay1991katira says : June 28 , 2016 at 1 : 33 am Nice one , You gave me nice snaps of pet . I love dogs . thank you Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 7 , 2016 at 8 : 17 am I love dogs , too ! They 're loyal and loving . I 'm glad you like the pictures ! Reply frankprem says : July 1 , 2016 at 6 : 47 pm Gorgeous looking dog . Best luck with raising her , and much enjoyment . Cheers , Frank Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 18 , 2016 at 2 : 26 pm Thanks , Laura . I need to commit some time to writing . We 've had a house guest for two weeks and she 's exhausting ! Reply Vaibhav says : July 26 , 2016 at 6 : 26 am Hi again , thanks for stopping by . I read this post and have to say this - I 'm not a dog person at all , bit scared actually and love cats . However , Liezel looks so adorable . A missed vacation sounds terrible but am sure this phase will pass . Great blog title - it will go places . Have a nice day . Reply txhomegirl says : July 27 , 2016 at 5 : 00 pm Good blog ! I have to know what happened . I love Rotts . I 've owned two males and now own a female . She is much more skittish than my males were . Reply hadleylovesgus says : August 9 , 2016 at 12 : 36 pm I feel your pain ! We have our little yorkie , Gus , who suffers from fear of strangers as well . We are in the process of working with him now too . Thank you for writing ! I am hopeful to do a similar documentation of our journey as its been a great help to hear of other stories of people like us who are working hard to help a pup in this type of situation . Thank you ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 9 , 2016 at 5 : 42 pm I 'm so happy to be able to share this experience with you ! The anxiety and constant stress of Liezel 's fear has been tiresome . Every little accomplishment is celebrated because we 're that much closer to her being comfortable . Thank you for reading . I look forward to hearing more about Gus . LikeLike Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 10 am What a captivating story . Hats off to you for sticking with Liezel . She is truly lucky to have found you guys . We 're having some issues with our Bella ( nothing as severe as this ) and reading this makes me believe there might be hope yet 🙂 Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 14 am Hi Diya . Thanks for reading about Liezel ! Yes , there is hope ! With a good trainer and a lot of patience , improvement can be made . What is Bella doing ? Is she fearful ? Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 22 am Yes she is . Goes on full alert , growls and barks persistently when someone dares to pass by our front door . Thankfully she doesn 't lunge at anyone and sometimes I think she barks more out of fear than possessiveness of her territory . Part of it may just be us reading the signs wrong . We are first time dog owners and are only fostering her for a few weeks . She seems okay at times and just when we think she has finally acclimatized she starts up again . But she 's a sweetheart and we will be sorry to see her go . owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 2 : 54 pm I wish that just once in a while they could talk . All the best with Bella ! LikeLike Vernon says : August 27 , 2016 at 5 : 11 am Hi I 'm a passionate Rottweiler owner . I understand your lost with Zelda . When I lost my first Rott name BAR I said I would never own another dog . It took me years to get over him . Today we have our third one name Sebastian . It was my wife first time ever owning a dog . He had anxiety and tried to run our home when we first got him . I never had a crate with my first two dogs so when Nicole said he have to stay in one until we get him trained from chewing everything I wasn 't sure about it . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 27 , 2016 at 8 : 00 am Hi Vernon ! Your comment made me smile first thing this morning ! Yes , Rottweilers have special personalities . I 'm sorry for your loss of BAR . It is so very painful . Congratulations on opening your heart and home to other dogs - they really do make home a better place . For your wife , a first time male Rottweiler is a brave place to start ! According to the breeder we used , the males goes through an ownership phase where they test you to see what they can get away with . Sure , female go through terrible twos , but I guess it doesn 't compare . You mention the nervousness and insecurities - you are spot on with that ! Liezel picks up my emotions in a frighteningly accurate way . If I 'm even feeling a little off , she starts acting nervous . Maybe that 's proof that she was meant to be mine : ) . I really think that most ( if not all ) Rottweilers are big babies ! ! Liezel 's whole issue is fear , she is afraid of strangers . But the people she knows … she will do anything you tell her for a treat , she wants to lick your face and get her belly rubbed . I 'm happy that your wife loves dogs now . Shelby sounds cute - for a little dog - hahaha ! I 'm more of a big dog kinda gal . Ecohug says : September 14 , 2016 at 11 : 35 am Great post , I really enjoyed reading it and wanted to tell you that you are a great dog mom for sticking it out and really working on helping Liezel . I wanted to ask if you tried anything more natural to relieve anxiety , like herbs that are designed to relax the dog ? We had something similar ( not as bad as yours ) with our dog , Maddie , when we brought her home and giving her some herbs really helped her be calm especially in her crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : September 14 , 2016 at 12 : 55 pm Hi ! Thank you for reading about Liezel ! Yes , she gets two Chinese herbs : Shen Calmer and Chai Hu Shu Gan . Both are from our vet . We noticed HUGE improvements once we started the herbs . At one point last winter I took her off of them since she was doing pretty good and we noticed regression in her reactivity . The vet recommended putting her back on them , and again , they brought her back to a calmer , less reactive dog . Reply 200 Saturdays until Paris says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 26 pm I love what a patient and kind person you have been with your baby . I know it has been hard , but I am so happy you didn 't give up . ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 38 pm Thank you ! She she is wonderful in many , many ways . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 20 , 2016 at 5 : 14 am I 'm exhausted reading what you have been through . Also if you need to have break , Liezel should be in good hands with the breeder . I look forward to reading if it gets better for you . Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 21 , 2016 at 5 : 02 am Yes it was long , but it was very thoroughly written . I was hoping desperately that peace and harmony would reign for you , but I had to wait until now to find out . But I am very glad it has gotten better for you . Good on your parents . John Chon says : November 14 , 2016 at 7 : 06 pm Your dog is so cute ! I really liked how thorough you were in this post . I can tell that you love your dog very much . It 's so great to see loving and responsible dog owners out there 🙂 Keep up the great work ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 15 , 2016 at 4 : 43 am Hi John ! Thank you ! We think she 's pretty cute , too . I 'm very glad you enjoyed reading about Liezel . She is doing so much better . LikeLiked by 1 person charlypriest says : November 17 , 2016 at 12 : 58 pm Cute dog , I myself have a recent addition to the family that is called Tina a bulldog of 7 months . What I find fascinating about all this is … . . the dog has a daycarecenter ! That is unheard here in Spain . That dog has better care as a youngster than I did . I 'm actually jealous . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 17 , 2016 at 2 : 34 pm Oh what we do for our pets here … ! Thank you for reading ! Yay for you and Tina ! There is something so wonderful about having a dog . Reply charlypriest says : November 18 , 2016 at 6 : 09 am She does puts me a smile on the face , although she can be a pain in the but quite a lot of times . Specially when she starts eating walls , chairs , sofas , socks , the list goes on . What a stomach this dog has , it 's bullet proof .
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Knowing nothing about blogs or blogging , I had a * great * idea this morning to start my own and write all about my dog . I considered writing a book … but would there be enough to say and would anyone care ? At least this way , I can get it all out in writing , look at what I 've got and see where it goes . We ( my husband and I ) brought home a 7 . 5 week Rottweiler puppy on January 17 , 2014 . We named her Liezel ( sounds like diesel ) , I 'll spare you the long AKC registered name . I was apprehensive because we had just gone though a painful year and a half of caring for a very sick Rottweiler , Zelda . We put her down just before her second birthday in September , 2013 , and it was heartbreaking . Zelda was my first dog , I loved her more than I knew was possible . Getting a new puppy was scary ( what if she 's sick ) and exciting ( puppies are fun and cute ) . My intention for getting a dog was not only companionship but also to compete in dog sports ( obedience , agility ) , ultimately Schutzhund . We were supposed to start puppy classes right away , but Liezel not having her 12 - week shots , I postponed classes until the " next semester " for fear she would get sick . From 8 weeks to 11 weeks , Liezel stayed home . I took a week off of work , my husband took a week off , and my retired parents stayed with her for a week during the day while we worked . Aside from hating the crate she seemed like a perfectly content pup . The neighbors came over to meet her and when she met their Rottweiler , she was in Heaven ! She took to him like he was her best friend . I wondered if she thought " Wow ! Something like me - just bigger . " I remember commenting that the neighbor 's dog looked at me with an expression of " get this mosquito away from me ! " She loved when he came over . During the 8 - to 12 - week age we had major snowfall in Michigan . We had to dig tracks in the yard for Liezel to go potty since the snow was deeper than she was tall . It was very cold and with the snow and salt we did not take her for walks . However , she went to the pet store ( I carried her ) , the vet , and my parents house for small amounts of exposure . I know , I know " 8 - to 12 - weeks is a critical time for socialization ! " My thought process was I would rather delay socialization a few weeks than take the chance of having another sick dog . At eleven weeks , Liezel started daycare . She couldn 't be with the other puppies yet because she still had a week to go for shots , but she was in the office with the employees - and out of the house . The daycare workers pointed out that she really hated being crated ( yep , we know ) . At home or daycare , while crated she would howl and cry to the point of peeing and / or pooping herself . Never was the crate used for punishment . The purpose of crating her was to create her own private space . The idea being she can go to her crate knowing that when there no one will bother her . It 's her " safe place . " In the meantime , until she realized it was her safe - place she would be crated for naps and at night . It got to the point during what should have been nap time ( she 's fallen asleep somewhere and we pick her up and put her in the crate ) she would just cry , scream and howl . I actually called the breeder and ask " what should we do ? ! " Some dogs don 't take to a crate so the advice was to just let her sleep wherever she laid down . She would still have to be crated at night since she wasn 't fully potty trained . I slept on the floor next to her for four weeks , slowly increasing the distance from her until I could get in to bed . Back to daycare , at 13 weeks she started playing with the other dogs ( shots at 12 weeks , then a week to recover ) . She played with the other puppies and came home worn out . For one hour during the day all the dogs are kenneled ( inside ) for a lunch break . Liezel was still getting three meals a day so this was her lunch and nap break . Being in the kennel alone was as bad as being crated . She would pee / poop herself and cry and howl . One day they had to bathe her because she was in such a tither she got poop all over herself . This was causing me to have some anxiety . I have a happy , healthy puppy who does not like to be crated . I start wondering ' how am I ever going to leave the house ? , ' ' how are we ever going to leave her alone ? , ' ' what have I gotten us into ? ' I talked to the trainer once we started puppy classes and she had some tips . 1 ) never let her out of the crate when she 's crying - doing so will teach her that crying gets her released . Um , she cries the whole time she 's in it . 2 ) hit a wall just outside the room where the crate is . It will get her attention and she will stop to listen . At that moment of silence go get her . 3 ) never tell her " good girl " when she 's coming out of the crate - doing so will teach her getting out is the reward . 4 ) do not show excitement when letting her out . Open the door and walk away . Getting out is not fun / exciting ; going in should be . So over the course of the next couple of months we worked on this . The living room crate for naps was removed and the bedroom crate for nighttime was moved from the foot of the bed to my side . The move would allow her to see down the hallway when she was crated when we went out . Here I should interject that " going out " meant running to the grocery store , maybe going out to dinner , or stopping by my parents ( they live two miles away ) . This wasn 't out to dinner , drinks , and a movie - or even an extended family get - together . We were gone an hour or less . When we got home the crate would be covered in drool and she would be panting . Separation anxiety ? Just complete fear of the crate ? What is the problem , here ? At five months old we stopped using the crate all together . She was locked in our bedroom by a baby gate when we went out and this was a much better solution . She was calmer and we found ( via recording ) that she would curl up on the bed and sleep while we were gone . No drooling , panting , or pacing . She also started sleeping with us at night . It seemed a better option than the nighttime crying , panting , drooling , etc . She jumped into bed , curled up , and that was that . We continued with classes . Puppy class was a great success ! She knew sit , down , shake , watch , and touch before class even started ( remember those several weeks she stayed home ? We were teaching her some stuff . ) so she was kinda the star student [ proud smile ] . By the time we got to intermediate / advanced obedience we noticed some undesirable behaviors . Also around this time , the weather had gotten better and we started taking walks where we also observed undesirable behavior . At class she began barking and attempting to run toward ( on leash ) other people . On a walk , once we got about two houses away , she would turn around pulling toward home . Her happy disposition changed to a vigilant , nervous one . If anyone came out and asked to pet her , she would shrink back and avoid being touched . When she was about 6 months old we were on a walk in the neighborhood . Approaching a driveway partially blocked by a Jeep , two remote control cars came toward us . Liezel barked and lunged at them . The cars were being run by two little boys and the adult started screaming , " Get that dog off of my property before I get my f - ing gun and shoot it . " Hmm . This seemed over - the - top . My then 6 - month old puppy , was startled by the things coming at her , and she reacted . The guy went crazy ! I pointed out to him that I was on city property and I had every right to be there . Well his threats continued so I called the police . He too called the police and was yelling " It 's a Rottweiler ! A ROTTWEILER ! " While on the phone with the police his wife approached me saying " Please , just leave . Please . " Another man in his group approached me saying , " Get out of here you bitch ! " The whole thing escalated very quickly and it really shook me and Liezel up . After this episode I became very nervous about walking Liezel . If you know anything about dogs , you know they feed off their owners ' feelings . So I 'm feeding her nervousness and anxiety by being nervous and anxious . Round and round it went . Around this time a few other things happened . We took a day trip to see the breeder and let her see Liezel . When Deb tried to pet Liezel 's head , Liezel back away . Deb asked me " You haven 't hit her have you ? " Nope . We went camping one weekend and Liezel was so frantic and worried she barked the entire time and got to the point of vomiting from nervousness . We actually took her for a car ride hoping 1 ) to calm her down and 2 ) let the other campers have some peace and quiet . She started barking and lunging at all strangers - going into and out of daycare , at agility class , on a walk , etc . All strangers . And she would freak out at the sound of any car door outside , the doorbell ( real or on TV ) , or the neighbors she could see in their house from the backyard . When I say " freaking out " she would jump up , front paws on the front door , scratching , barking , spit flying , hackles up . Most times there was nothing there . Then it would take an hour or more for her to calm down . I spoke with the trainer about all of this . She did not seem very concerned and gave the impression that Liezel could outgrow it . This was insufficient for me . I needed an action plan . We also had a guy out to our house who represented a company that used e - collars . The company came recommended to us by a family member . His presentation and explanation was really off - putting . We didn 't understand the concept and wondered how could we expect Liezel to understand if we didn 't . Additionally , he said " The dog will have to wear a muzzle in order for me to work with her . " I 'm not opposed to using a muzzle , but he made no attempt to interact with Liezel . His idea was put a muzzle on her and an e - collar and get started . Neither my husband nor I got a good feeling about this so the idea was quickly discarded . The third trainer , Lynn , taught me about thresholds . Not letting Liezel get to the point of reacting because once she was over threshold she was unable to learn . I guess it would be like trying to learn a new skill while being chased by a bear ? When something scary is happening to you , you are not in a learning frame of mind . Week after week for several months , Lynn came to our house and worked on keeping Liezel under threshold . Here 's how it started . Liezel was in the bedroom when Lynn arrived . She sat at the kitchen table while I went to get Liezel . Liezel and I came out of the bedroom one step at a time . When Liezel saw Lynn , I was to say " Good girl " give her a treat , and retreat to the bedroom . Her reward for looking and not reacting was getting to leave the scary thing / person . After weeks of this , we moved outside . Lynn would be across the street and I would walk Liezel . When Liezel looked at Lynn she was praised and treated . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the lesson was over . Lynn also gave me instructions on a dog training process that taught the dog to stay on a mat / bed / blanket while things went on around it . So day one you tell the dog " go to your mat " and treat her when she gets on it [ Liezel already knew " go to your bed " so this was not difficult to teach ] . Take one step away from the mat and come back with " good girl " and a treat . This goes on and on for weeks with progressively more difficult things like running around the dog / mat , leaving the room , opening the front door , and ringing the doorbell . When you get through the whole thing , you start all over again in a different room . We went through all of the weeks ( it took twice as long as the plan because you can 't move on to the next day if the dog gets off the mat today ) and then started the whole thing over in the backyard . Also during this time , we hired a stranger to do stranger approaches . I found a local pet walker and paid her to sit at one end of the parking lot of an empty factory building , while we , 500 feet away , tried to approach and stay under threshold . The instructions from Lynn on this exercise was to come out from behind the building and wait for Liezel to see the stranger . Once she did , " good girl " and retreat . Do it again and try to get a foot closer . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the training was over for the day . After a few months we could get about 450 feet away before Liezel reacted . I stopped taking her to agility with our original trainer . Liezel seemed to really like running the agility course , but on the sideline she would panic over the other people and dogs . It came to a point where I decided the fun of the course did not outweigh the stress of the sidelines . We talked with our vet about this , all of this . She had blood sent out to test for thyroid issues and the results came back normal . It was time to try medication . Our vet could not prescribe Prozac so we went to a recommended veterinary behaviorist who did . She put Liezel on 30mg / day . The intention of medication was to calm Liezel enough so we could continue working on training under threshold . We were becoming a bit reclusive . An entire summer went by and we never took our camper out of storage . I was avoiding any talk of vacation because I didn 't know what we would do with her . When she was 14 months old we did go on vacation and left her with our original trainer . I checked in with the trainer everyday but got vague responses . Come to find out , Liezel just paced the whole time we were gone . During said summer when we didn 't camp , I came across a trainer that I had emailed months before but never heard back from . He was a police dog trainer so I assumed my issues with Liezel probably weren 't what he was looking to work with . He had a booth set up at a city festival advertising dog training , specifically aggression . I found my original email to him , forwarded it with a note saying " Hey , just saw you at the festival . Please see my email below from several months ago and let me know if you can help . " Simply , Z says : June 18 , 2016 at 10 : 35 am Interesting thoughts . We had a puppy too but sadly parted with her because of allergies . We found a nice home for her . I could relate to your puppy " hating " her crate . I will definitely refer to your blog when we get a second chance . Keep writing . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 18 , 2016 at 11 : 40 am Thank you ! It 's been hard having a fearful dog but also very rewarding ! I hope my lessons can help some one else . Reply Tim Taylor says : June 19 , 2016 at 9 : 14 am I 've read all your posts and I have to say they are extremely interesting . My favorite breed is a Doberman , next is German Shepard and then Rottweilers . I hate little yappin ' dogs with a passion . I absolutely love Wolves and I almost got one once upon a time . For me , that would have been a dream come true . Keep writin ' , ' cause now I wanna know how Liezel progresses ! I , too , have a pooch who doesn 't like the crate idea . She does the same panting , drooling thing , plus licks her front legs into sopping appendages ! I went for the baby gate idea , as well , because it didn 't make any sense to continue to upset her so badly with the crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 24 , 2016 at 5 : 56 pm Thank you ! And thank you for following me . Liezel has been trying , but when I look into her little brown almond eyes , I know she was meant for me and me for her . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply jay1991katira says : June 28 , 2016 at 1 : 33 am Nice one , You gave me nice snaps of pet . I love dogs . thank you Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 7 , 2016 at 8 : 17 am I love dogs , too ! They 're loyal and loving . I 'm glad you like the pictures ! Reply frankprem says : July 1 , 2016 at 6 : 47 pm Gorgeous looking dog . Best luck with raising her , and much enjoyment . Cheers , Frank Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 18 , 2016 at 2 : 26 pm Thanks , Laura . I need to commit some time to writing . We 've had a house guest for two weeks and she 's exhausting ! Reply Vaibhav says : July 26 , 2016 at 6 : 26 am Hi again , thanks for stopping by . I read this post and have to say this - I 'm not a dog person at all , bit scared actually and love cats . However , Liezel looks so adorable . A missed vacation sounds terrible but am sure this phase will pass . Great blog title - it will go places . Have a nice day . Reply txhomegirl says : July 27 , 2016 at 5 : 00 pm Good blog ! I have to know what happened . I love Rotts . I 've owned two males and now own a female . She is much more skittish than my males were . Reply hadleylovesgus says : August 9 , 2016 at 12 : 36 pm I feel your pain ! We have our little yorkie , Gus , who suffers from fear of strangers as well . We are in the process of working with him now too . Thank you for writing ! I am hopeful to do a similar documentation of our journey as its been a great help to hear of other stories of people like us who are working hard to help a pup in this type of situation . Thank you ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 9 , 2016 at 5 : 42 pm I 'm so happy to be able to share this experience with you ! The anxiety and constant stress of Liezel 's fear has been tiresome . Every little accomplishment is celebrated because we 're that much closer to her being comfortable . Thank you for reading . I look forward to hearing more about Gus . LikeLike Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 10 am What a captivating story . Hats off to you for sticking with Liezel . She is truly lucky to have found you guys . We 're having some issues with our Bella ( nothing as severe as this ) and reading this makes me believe there might be hope yet 🙂 Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 14 am Hi Diya . Thanks for reading about Liezel ! Yes , there is hope ! With a good trainer and a lot of patience , improvement can be made . What is Bella doing ? Is she fearful ? Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 22 am Yes she is . Goes on full alert , growls and barks persistently when someone dares to pass by our front door . Thankfully she doesn 't lunge at anyone and sometimes I think she barks more out of fear than possessiveness of her territory . Part of it may just be us reading the signs wrong . We are first time dog owners and are only fostering her for a few weeks . She seems okay at times and just when we think she has finally acclimatized she starts up again . But she 's a sweetheart and we will be sorry to see her go . owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 2 : 54 pm I wish that just once in a while they could talk . All the best with Bella ! LikeLike Vernon says : August 27 , 2016 at 5 : 11 am Hi I 'm a passionate Rottweiler owner . I understand your lost with Zelda . When I lost my first Rott name BAR I said I would never own another dog . It took me years to get over him . Today we have our third one name Sebastian . It was my wife first time ever owning a dog . He had anxiety and tried to run our home when we first got him . I never had a crate with my first two dogs so when Nicole said he have to stay in one until we get him trained from chewing everything I wasn 't sure about it . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 27 , 2016 at 8 : 00 am Hi Vernon ! Your comment made me smile first thing this morning ! Yes , Rottweilers have special personalities . I 'm sorry for your loss of BAR . It is so very painful . Congratulations on opening your heart and home to other dogs - they really do make home a better place . For your wife , a first time male Rottweiler is a brave place to start ! According to the breeder we used , the males goes through an ownership phase where they test you to see what they can get away with . Sure , female go through terrible twos , but I guess it doesn 't compare . You mention the nervousness and insecurities - you are spot on with that ! Liezel picks up my emotions in a frighteningly accurate way . If I 'm even feeling a little off , she starts acting nervous . Maybe that 's proof that she was meant to be mine : ) . I really think that most ( if not all ) Rottweilers are big babies ! ! Liezel 's whole issue is fear , she is afraid of strangers . But the people she knows … she will do anything you tell her for a treat , she wants to lick your face and get her belly rubbed . I 'm happy that your wife loves dogs now . Shelby sounds cute - for a little dog - hahaha ! I 'm more of a big dog kinda gal . Ecohug says : September 14 , 2016 at 11 : 35 am Great post , I really enjoyed reading it and wanted to tell you that you are a great dog mom for sticking it out and really working on helping Liezel . I wanted to ask if you tried anything more natural to relieve anxiety , like herbs that are designed to relax the dog ? We had something similar ( not as bad as yours ) with our dog , Maddie , when we brought her home and giving her some herbs really helped her be calm especially in her crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : September 14 , 2016 at 12 : 55 pm Hi ! Thank you for reading about Liezel ! Yes , she gets two Chinese herbs : Shen Calmer and Chai Hu Shu Gan . Both are from our vet . We noticed HUGE improvements once we started the herbs . At one point last winter I took her off of them since she was doing pretty good and we noticed regression in her reactivity . The vet recommended putting her back on them , and again , they brought her back to a calmer , less reactive dog . Reply 200 Saturdays until Paris says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 26 pm I love what a patient and kind person you have been with your baby . I know it has been hard , but I am so happy you didn 't give up . ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 38 pm Thank you ! She she is wonderful in many , many ways . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 20 , 2016 at 5 : 14 am I 'm exhausted reading what you have been through . Also if you need to have break , Liezel should be in good hands with the breeder . I look forward to reading if it gets better for you . Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 21 , 2016 at 5 : 02 am Yes it was long , but it was very thoroughly written . I was hoping desperately that peace and harmony would reign for you , but I had to wait until now to find out . But I am very glad it has gotten better for you . Good on your parents . John Chon says : November 14 , 2016 at 7 : 06 pm Your dog is so cute ! I really liked how thorough you were in this post . I can tell that you love your dog very much . It 's so great to see loving and responsible dog owners out there 🙂 Keep up the great work ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 15 , 2016 at 4 : 43 am Hi John ! Thank you ! We think she 's pretty cute , too . I 'm very glad you enjoyed reading about Liezel . She is doing so much better . LikeLiked by 1 person charlypriest says : November 17 , 2016 at 12 : 58 pm Cute dog , I myself have a recent addition to the family that is called Tina a bulldog of 7 months . What I find fascinating about all this is … . . the dog has a daycarecenter ! That is unheard here in Spain . That dog has better care as a youngster than I did . I 'm actually jealous . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 17 , 2016 at 2 : 34 pm Oh what we do for our pets here … ! Thank you for reading ! Yay for you and Tina ! There is something so wonderful about having a dog . Reply charlypriest says : November 18 , 2016 at 6 : 09 am She does puts me a smile on the face , although she can be a pain in the but quite a lot of times . Specially when she starts eating walls , chairs , sofas , socks , the list goes on . What a stomach this dog has , it 's bullet proof .
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Knowing nothing about blogs or blogging , I had a * great * idea this morning to start my own and write all about my dog . I considered writing a book … but would there be enough to say and would anyone care ? At least this way , I can get it all out in writing , look at what I 've got and see where it goes . We ( my husband and I ) brought home a 7 . 5 week Rottweiler puppy on January 17 , 2014 . We named her Liezel ( sounds like diesel ) , I 'll spare you the long AKC registered name . I was apprehensive because we had just gone though a painful year and a half of caring for a very sick Rottweiler , Zelda . We put her down just before her second birthday in September , 2013 , and it was heartbreaking . Zelda was my first dog , I loved her more than I knew was possible . Getting a new puppy was scary ( what if she 's sick ) and exciting ( puppies are fun and cute ) . My intention for getting a dog was not only companionship but also to compete in dog sports ( obedience , agility ) , ultimately Schutzhund . We were supposed to start puppy classes right away , but Liezel not having her 12 - week shots , I postponed classes until the " next semester " for fear she would get sick . From 8 weeks to 11 weeks , Liezel stayed home . I took a week off of work , my husband took a week off , and my retired parents stayed with her for a week during the day while we worked . Aside from hating the crate she seemed like a perfectly content pup . The neighbors came over to meet her and when she met their Rottweiler , she was in Heaven ! She took to him like he was her best friend . I wondered if she thought " Wow ! Something like me - just bigger . " I remember commenting that the neighbor 's dog looked at me with an expression of " get this mosquito away from me ! " She loved when he came over . During the 8 - to 12 - week age we had major snowfall in Michigan . We had to dig tracks in the yard for Liezel to go potty since the snow was deeper than she was tall . It was very cold and with the snow and salt we did not take her for walks . However , she went to the pet store ( I carried her ) , the vet , and my parents house for small amounts of exposure . I know , I know " 8 - to 12 - weeks is a critical time for socialization ! " My thought process was I would rather delay socialization a few weeks than take the chance of having another sick dog . At eleven weeks , Liezel started daycare . She couldn 't be with the other puppies yet because she still had a week to go for shots , but she was in the office with the employees - and out of the house . The daycare workers pointed out that she really hated being crated ( yep , we know ) . At home or daycare , while crated she would howl and cry to the point of peeing and / or pooping herself . Never was the crate used for punishment . The purpose of crating her was to create her own private space . The idea being she can go to her crate knowing that when there no one will bother her . It 's her " safe place . " In the meantime , until she realized it was her safe - place she would be crated for naps and at night . It got to the point during what should have been nap time ( she 's fallen asleep somewhere and we pick her up and put her in the crate ) she would just cry , scream and howl . I actually called the breeder and ask " what should we do ? ! " Some dogs don 't take to a crate so the advice was to just let her sleep wherever she laid down . She would still have to be crated at night since she wasn 't fully potty trained . I slept on the floor next to her for four weeks , slowly increasing the distance from her until I could get in to bed . Back to daycare , at 13 weeks she started playing with the other dogs ( shots at 12 weeks , then a week to recover ) . She played with the other puppies and came home worn out . For one hour during the day all the dogs are kenneled ( inside ) for a lunch break . Liezel was still getting three meals a day so this was her lunch and nap break . Being in the kennel alone was as bad as being crated . She would pee / poop herself and cry and howl . One day they had to bathe her because she was in such a tither she got poop all over herself . This was causing me to have some anxiety . I have a happy , healthy puppy who does not like to be crated . I start wondering ' how am I ever going to leave the house ? , ' ' how are we ever going to leave her alone ? , ' ' what have I gotten us into ? ' I talked to the trainer once we started puppy classes and she had some tips . 1 ) never let her out of the crate when she 's crying - doing so will teach her that crying gets her released . Um , she cries the whole time she 's in it . 2 ) hit a wall just outside the room where the crate is . It will get her attention and she will stop to listen . At that moment of silence go get her . 3 ) never tell her " good girl " when she 's coming out of the crate - doing so will teach her getting out is the reward . 4 ) do not show excitement when letting her out . Open the door and walk away . Getting out is not fun / exciting ; going in should be . So over the course of the next couple of months we worked on this . The living room crate for naps was removed and the bedroom crate for nighttime was moved from the foot of the bed to my side . The move would allow her to see down the hallway when she was crated when we went out . Here I should interject that " going out " meant running to the grocery store , maybe going out to dinner , or stopping by my parents ( they live two miles away ) . This wasn 't out to dinner , drinks , and a movie - or even an extended family get - together . We were gone an hour or less . When we got home the crate would be covered in drool and she would be panting . Separation anxiety ? Just complete fear of the crate ? What is the problem , here ? At five months old we stopped using the crate all together . She was locked in our bedroom by a baby gate when we went out and this was a much better solution . She was calmer and we found ( via recording ) that she would curl up on the bed and sleep while we were gone . No drooling , panting , or pacing . She also started sleeping with us at night . It seemed a better option than the nighttime crying , panting , drooling , etc . She jumped into bed , curled up , and that was that . We continued with classes . Puppy class was a great success ! She knew sit , down , shake , watch , and touch before class even started ( remember those several weeks she stayed home ? We were teaching her some stuff . ) so she was kinda the star student [ proud smile ] . By the time we got to intermediate / advanced obedience we noticed some undesirable behaviors . Also around this time , the weather had gotten better and we started taking walks where we also observed undesirable behavior . At class she began barking and attempting to run toward ( on leash ) other people . On a walk , once we got about two houses away , she would turn around pulling toward home . Her happy disposition changed to a vigilant , nervous one . If anyone came out and asked to pet her , she would shrink back and avoid being touched . When she was about 6 months old we were on a walk in the neighborhood . Approaching a driveway partially blocked by a Jeep , two remote control cars came toward us . Liezel barked and lunged at them . The cars were being run by two little boys and the adult started screaming , " Get that dog off of my property before I get my f - ing gun and shoot it . " Hmm . This seemed over - the - top . My then 6 - month old puppy , was startled by the things coming at her , and she reacted . The guy went crazy ! I pointed out to him that I was on city property and I had every right to be there . Well his threats continued so I called the police . He too called the police and was yelling " It 's a Rottweiler ! A ROTTWEILER ! " While on the phone with the police his wife approached me saying " Please , just leave . Please . " Another man in his group approached me saying , " Get out of here you bitch ! " The whole thing escalated very quickly and it really shook me and Liezel up . After this episode I became very nervous about walking Liezel . If you know anything about dogs , you know they feed off their owners ' feelings . So I 'm feeding her nervousness and anxiety by being nervous and anxious . Round and round it went . Around this time a few other things happened . We took a day trip to see the breeder and let her see Liezel . When Deb tried to pet Liezel 's head , Liezel back away . Deb asked me " You haven 't hit her have you ? " Nope . We went camping one weekend and Liezel was so frantic and worried she barked the entire time and got to the point of vomiting from nervousness . We actually took her for a car ride hoping 1 ) to calm her down and 2 ) let the other campers have some peace and quiet . She started barking and lunging at all strangers - going into and out of daycare , at agility class , on a walk , etc . All strangers . And she would freak out at the sound of any car door outside , the doorbell ( real or on TV ) , or the neighbors she could see in their house from the backyard . When I say " freaking out " she would jump up , front paws on the front door , scratching , barking , spit flying , hackles up . Most times there was nothing there . Then it would take an hour or more for her to calm down . I spoke with the trainer about all of this . She did not seem very concerned and gave the impression that Liezel could outgrow it . This was insufficient for me . I needed an action plan . We also had a guy out to our house who represented a company that used e - collars . The company came recommended to us by a family member . His presentation and explanation was really off - putting . We didn 't understand the concept and wondered how could we expect Liezel to understand if we didn 't . Additionally , he said " The dog will have to wear a muzzle in order for me to work with her . " I 'm not opposed to using a muzzle , but he made no attempt to interact with Liezel . His idea was put a muzzle on her and an e - collar and get started . Neither my husband nor I got a good feeling about this so the idea was quickly discarded . The third trainer , Lynn , taught me about thresholds . Not letting Liezel get to the point of reacting because once she was over threshold she was unable to learn . I guess it would be like trying to learn a new skill while being chased by a bear ? When something scary is happening to you , you are not in a learning frame of mind . Week after week for several months , Lynn came to our house and worked on keeping Liezel under threshold . Here 's how it started . Liezel was in the bedroom when Lynn arrived . She sat at the kitchen table while I went to get Liezel . Liezel and I came out of the bedroom one step at a time . When Liezel saw Lynn , I was to say " Good girl " give her a treat , and retreat to the bedroom . Her reward for looking and not reacting was getting to leave the scary thing / person . After weeks of this , we moved outside . Lynn would be across the street and I would walk Liezel . When Liezel looked at Lynn she was praised and treated . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the lesson was over . Lynn also gave me instructions on a dog training process that taught the dog to stay on a mat / bed / blanket while things went on around it . So day one you tell the dog " go to your mat " and treat her when she gets on it [ Liezel already knew " go to your bed " so this was not difficult to teach ] . Take one step away from the mat and come back with " good girl " and a treat . This goes on and on for weeks with progressively more difficult things like running around the dog / mat , leaving the room , opening the front door , and ringing the doorbell . When you get through the whole thing , you start all over again in a different room . We went through all of the weeks ( it took twice as long as the plan because you can 't move on to the next day if the dog gets off the mat today ) and then started the whole thing over in the backyard . Also during this time , we hired a stranger to do stranger approaches . I found a local pet walker and paid her to sit at one end of the parking lot of an empty factory building , while we , 500 feet away , tried to approach and stay under threshold . The instructions from Lynn on this exercise was to come out from behind the building and wait for Liezel to see the stranger . Once she did , " good girl " and retreat . Do it again and try to get a foot closer . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the training was over for the day . After a few months we could get about 450 feet away before Liezel reacted . I stopped taking her to agility with our original trainer . Liezel seemed to really like running the agility course , but on the sideline she would panic over the other people and dogs . It came to a point where I decided the fun of the course did not outweigh the stress of the sidelines . We talked with our vet about this , all of this . She had blood sent out to test for thyroid issues and the results came back normal . It was time to try medication . Our vet could not prescribe Prozac so we went to a recommended veterinary behaviorist who did . She put Liezel on 30mg / day . The intention of medication was to calm Liezel enough so we could continue working on training under threshold . We were becoming a bit reclusive . An entire summer went by and we never took our camper out of storage . I was avoiding any talk of vacation because I didn 't know what we would do with her . When she was 14 months old we did go on vacation and left her with our original trainer . I checked in with the trainer everyday but got vague responses . Come to find out , Liezel just paced the whole time we were gone . During said summer when we didn 't camp , I came across a trainer that I had emailed months before but never heard back from . He was a police dog trainer so I assumed my issues with Liezel probably weren 't what he was looking to work with . He had a booth set up at a city festival advertising dog training , specifically aggression . I found my original email to him , forwarded it with a note saying " Hey , just saw you at the festival . Please see my email below from several months ago and let me know if you can help . " Simply , Z says : June 18 , 2016 at 10 : 35 am Interesting thoughts . We had a puppy too but sadly parted with her because of allergies . We found a nice home for her . I could relate to your puppy " hating " her crate . I will definitely refer to your blog when we get a second chance . Keep writing . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 18 , 2016 at 11 : 40 am Thank you ! It 's been hard having a fearful dog but also very rewarding ! I hope my lessons can help some one else . Reply Tim Taylor says : June 19 , 2016 at 9 : 14 am I 've read all your posts and I have to say they are extremely interesting . My favorite breed is a Doberman , next is German Shepard and then Rottweilers . I hate little yappin ' dogs with a passion . I absolutely love Wolves and I almost got one once upon a time . For me , that would have been a dream come true . Keep writin ' , ' cause now I wanna know how Liezel progresses ! I , too , have a pooch who doesn 't like the crate idea . She does the same panting , drooling thing , plus licks her front legs into sopping appendages ! I went for the baby gate idea , as well , because it didn 't make any sense to continue to upset her so badly with the crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 24 , 2016 at 5 : 56 pm Thank you ! And thank you for following me . Liezel has been trying , but when I look into her little brown almond eyes , I know she was meant for me and me for her . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply jay1991katira says : June 28 , 2016 at 1 : 33 am Nice one , You gave me nice snaps of pet . I love dogs . thank you Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 7 , 2016 at 8 : 17 am I love dogs , too ! They 're loyal and loving . I 'm glad you like the pictures ! Reply frankprem says : July 1 , 2016 at 6 : 47 pm Gorgeous looking dog . Best luck with raising her , and much enjoyment . Cheers , Frank Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 18 , 2016 at 2 : 26 pm Thanks , Laura . I need to commit some time to writing . We 've had a house guest for two weeks and she 's exhausting ! Reply Vaibhav says : July 26 , 2016 at 6 : 26 am Hi again , thanks for stopping by . I read this post and have to say this - I 'm not a dog person at all , bit scared actually and love cats . However , Liezel looks so adorable . A missed vacation sounds terrible but am sure this phase will pass . Great blog title - it will go places . Have a nice day . Reply txhomegirl says : July 27 , 2016 at 5 : 00 pm Good blog ! I have to know what happened . I love Rotts . I 've owned two males and now own a female . She is much more skittish than my males were . Reply hadleylovesgus says : August 9 , 2016 at 12 : 36 pm I feel your pain ! We have our little yorkie , Gus , who suffers from fear of strangers as well . We are in the process of working with him now too . Thank you for writing ! I am hopeful to do a similar documentation of our journey as its been a great help to hear of other stories of people like us who are working hard to help a pup in this type of situation . Thank you ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 9 , 2016 at 5 : 42 pm I 'm so happy to be able to share this experience with you ! The anxiety and constant stress of Liezel 's fear has been tiresome . Every little accomplishment is celebrated because we 're that much closer to her being comfortable . Thank you for reading . I look forward to hearing more about Gus . LikeLike Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 10 am What a captivating story . Hats off to you for sticking with Liezel . She is truly lucky to have found you guys . We 're having some issues with our Bella ( nothing as severe as this ) and reading this makes me believe there might be hope yet 🙂 Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 14 am Hi Diya . Thanks for reading about Liezel ! Yes , there is hope ! With a good trainer and a lot of patience , improvement can be made . What is Bella doing ? Is she fearful ? Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 22 am Yes she is . Goes on full alert , growls and barks persistently when someone dares to pass by our front door . Thankfully she doesn 't lunge at anyone and sometimes I think she barks more out of fear than possessiveness of her territory . Part of it may just be us reading the signs wrong . We are first time dog owners and are only fostering her for a few weeks . She seems okay at times and just when we think she has finally acclimatized she starts up again . But she 's a sweetheart and we will be sorry to see her go . owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 2 : 54 pm I wish that just once in a while they could talk . All the best with Bella ! LikeLike Vernon says : August 27 , 2016 at 5 : 11 am Hi I 'm a passionate Rottweiler owner . I understand your lost with Zelda . When I lost my first Rott name BAR I said I would never own another dog . It took me years to get over him . Today we have our third one name Sebastian . It was my wife first time ever owning a dog . He had anxiety and tried to run our home when we first got him . I never had a crate with my first two dogs so when Nicole said he have to stay in one until we get him trained from chewing everything I wasn 't sure about it . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 27 , 2016 at 8 : 00 am Hi Vernon ! Your comment made me smile first thing this morning ! Yes , Rottweilers have special personalities . I 'm sorry for your loss of BAR . It is so very painful . Congratulations on opening your heart and home to other dogs - they really do make home a better place . For your wife , a first time male Rottweiler is a brave place to start ! According to the breeder we used , the males goes through an ownership phase where they test you to see what they can get away with . Sure , female go through terrible twos , but I guess it doesn 't compare . You mention the nervousness and insecurities - you are spot on with that ! Liezel picks up my emotions in a frighteningly accurate way . If I 'm even feeling a little off , she starts acting nervous . Maybe that 's proof that she was meant to be mine : ) . I really think that most ( if not all ) Rottweilers are big babies ! ! Liezel 's whole issue is fear , she is afraid of strangers . But the people she knows … she will do anything you tell her for a treat , she wants to lick your face and get her belly rubbed . I 'm happy that your wife loves dogs now . Shelby sounds cute - for a little dog - hahaha ! I 'm more of a big dog kinda gal . Ecohug says : September 14 , 2016 at 11 : 35 am Great post , I really enjoyed reading it and wanted to tell you that you are a great dog mom for sticking it out and really working on helping Liezel . I wanted to ask if you tried anything more natural to relieve anxiety , like herbs that are designed to relax the dog ? We had something similar ( not as bad as yours ) with our dog , Maddie , when we brought her home and giving her some herbs really helped her be calm especially in her crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : September 14 , 2016 at 12 : 55 pm Hi ! Thank you for reading about Liezel ! Yes , she gets two Chinese herbs : Shen Calmer and Chai Hu Shu Gan . Both are from our vet . We noticed HUGE improvements once we started the herbs . At one point last winter I took her off of them since she was doing pretty good and we noticed regression in her reactivity . The vet recommended putting her back on them , and again , they brought her back to a calmer , less reactive dog . Reply 200 Saturdays until Paris says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 26 pm I love what a patient and kind person you have been with your baby . I know it has been hard , but I am so happy you didn 't give up . ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 38 pm Thank you ! She she is wonderful in many , many ways . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 20 , 2016 at 5 : 14 am I 'm exhausted reading what you have been through . Also if you need to have break , Liezel should be in good hands with the breeder . I look forward to reading if it gets better for you . Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 21 , 2016 at 5 : 02 am Yes it was long , but it was very thoroughly written . I was hoping desperately that peace and harmony would reign for you , but I had to wait until now to find out . But I am very glad it has gotten better for you . Good on your parents . John Chon says : November 14 , 2016 at 7 : 06 pm Your dog is so cute ! I really liked how thorough you were in this post . I can tell that you love your dog very much . It 's so great to see loving and responsible dog owners out there 🙂 Keep up the great work ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 15 , 2016 at 4 : 43 am Hi John ! Thank you ! We think she 's pretty cute , too . I 'm very glad you enjoyed reading about Liezel . She is doing so much better . LikeLiked by 1 person charlypriest says : November 17 , 2016 at 12 : 58 pm Cute dog , I myself have a recent addition to the family that is called Tina a bulldog of 7 months . What I find fascinating about all this is … . . the dog has a daycarecenter ! That is unheard here in Spain . That dog has better care as a youngster than I did . I 'm actually jealous . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 17 , 2016 at 2 : 34 pm Oh what we do for our pets here … ! Thank you for reading ! Yay for you and Tina ! There is something so wonderful about having a dog . Reply charlypriest says : November 18 , 2016 at 6 : 09 am She does puts me a smile on the face , although she can be a pain in the but quite a lot of times . Specially when she starts eating walls , chairs , sofas , socks , the list goes on . What a stomach this dog has , it 's bullet proof .
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Knowing nothing about blogs or blogging , I had a * great * idea this morning to start my own and write all about my dog . I considered writing a book … but would there be enough to say and would anyone care ? At least this way , I can get it all out in writing , look at what I 've got and see where it goes . We ( my husband and I ) brought home a 7 . 5 week Rottweiler puppy on January 17 , 2014 . We named her Liezel ( sounds like diesel ) , I 'll spare you the long AKC registered name . I was apprehensive because we had just gone though a painful year and a half of caring for a very sick Rottweiler , Zelda . We put her down just before her second birthday in September , 2013 , and it was heartbreaking . Zelda was my first dog , I loved her more than I knew was possible . Getting a new puppy was scary ( what if she 's sick ) and exciting ( puppies are fun and cute ) . My intention for getting a dog was not only companionship but also to compete in dog sports ( obedience , agility ) , ultimately Schutzhund . We were supposed to start puppy classes right away , but Liezel not having her 12 - week shots , I postponed classes until the " next semester " for fear she would get sick . From 8 weeks to 11 weeks , Liezel stayed home . I took a week off of work , my husband took a week off , and my retired parents stayed with her for a week during the day while we worked . Aside from hating the crate she seemed like a perfectly content pup . The neighbors came over to meet her and when she met their Rottweiler , she was in Heaven ! She took to him like he was her best friend . I wondered if she thought " Wow ! Something like me - just bigger . " I remember commenting that the neighbor 's dog looked at me with an expression of " get this mosquito away from me ! " She loved when he came over . During the 8 - to 12 - week age we had major snowfall in Michigan . We had to dig tracks in the yard for Liezel to go potty since the snow was deeper than she was tall . It was very cold and with the snow and salt we did not take her for walks . However , she went to the pet store ( I carried her ) , the vet , and my parents house for small amounts of exposure . I know , I know " 8 - to 12 - weeks is a critical time for socialization ! " My thought process was I would rather delay socialization a few weeks than take the chance of having another sick dog . At eleven weeks , Liezel started daycare . She couldn 't be with the other puppies yet because she still had a week to go for shots , but she was in the office with the employees - and out of the house . The daycare workers pointed out that she really hated being crated ( yep , we know ) . At home or daycare , while crated she would howl and cry to the point of peeing and / or pooping herself . Never was the crate used for punishment . The purpose of crating her was to create her own private space . The idea being she can go to her crate knowing that when there no one will bother her . It 's her " safe place . " In the meantime , until she realized it was her safe - place she would be crated for naps and at night . It got to the point during what should have been nap time ( she 's fallen asleep somewhere and we pick her up and put her in the crate ) she would just cry , scream and howl . I actually called the breeder and ask " what should we do ? ! " Some dogs don 't take to a crate so the advice was to just let her sleep wherever she laid down . She would still have to be crated at night since she wasn 't fully potty trained . I slept on the floor next to her for four weeks , slowly increasing the distance from her until I could get in to bed . Back to daycare , at 13 weeks she started playing with the other dogs ( shots at 12 weeks , then a week to recover ) . She played with the other puppies and came home worn out . For one hour during the day all the dogs are kenneled ( inside ) for a lunch break . Liezel was still getting three meals a day so this was her lunch and nap break . Being in the kennel alone was as bad as being crated . She would pee / poop herself and cry and howl . One day they had to bathe her because she was in such a tither she got poop all over herself . This was causing me to have some anxiety . I have a happy , healthy puppy who does not like to be crated . I start wondering ' how am I ever going to leave the house ? , ' ' how are we ever going to leave her alone ? , ' ' what have I gotten us into ? ' I talked to the trainer once we started puppy classes and she had some tips . 1 ) never let her out of the crate when she 's crying - doing so will teach her that crying gets her released . Um , she cries the whole time she 's in it . 2 ) hit a wall just outside the room where the crate is . It will get her attention and she will stop to listen . At that moment of silence go get her . 3 ) never tell her " good girl " when she 's coming out of the crate - doing so will teach her getting out is the reward . 4 ) do not show excitement when letting her out . Open the door and walk away . Getting out is not fun / exciting ; going in should be . So over the course of the next couple of months we worked on this . The living room crate for naps was removed and the bedroom crate for nighttime was moved from the foot of the bed to my side . The move would allow her to see down the hallway when she was crated when we went out . Here I should interject that " going out " meant running to the grocery store , maybe going out to dinner , or stopping by my parents ( they live two miles away ) . This wasn 't out to dinner , drinks , and a movie - or even an extended family get - together . We were gone an hour or less . When we got home the crate would be covered in drool and she would be panting . Separation anxiety ? Just complete fear of the crate ? What is the problem , here ? At five months old we stopped using the crate all together . She was locked in our bedroom by a baby gate when we went out and this was a much better solution . She was calmer and we found ( via recording ) that she would curl up on the bed and sleep while we were gone . No drooling , panting , or pacing . She also started sleeping with us at night . It seemed a better option than the nighttime crying , panting , drooling , etc . She jumped into bed , curled up , and that was that . We continued with classes . Puppy class was a great success ! She knew sit , down , shake , watch , and touch before class even started ( remember those several weeks she stayed home ? We were teaching her some stuff . ) so she was kinda the star student [ proud smile ] . By the time we got to intermediate / advanced obedience we noticed some undesirable behaviors . Also around this time , the weather had gotten better and we started taking walks where we also observed undesirable behavior . At class she began barking and attempting to run toward ( on leash ) other people . On a walk , once we got about two houses away , she would turn around pulling toward home . Her happy disposition changed to a vigilant , nervous one . If anyone came out and asked to pet her , she would shrink back and avoid being touched . When she was about 6 months old we were on a walk in the neighborhood . Approaching a driveway partially blocked by a Jeep , two remote control cars came toward us . Liezel barked and lunged at them . The cars were being run by two little boys and the adult started screaming , " Get that dog off of my property before I get my f - ing gun and shoot it . " Hmm . This seemed over - the - top . My then 6 - month old puppy , was startled by the things coming at her , and she reacted . The guy went crazy ! I pointed out to him that I was on city property and I had every right to be there . Well his threats continued so I called the police . He too called the police and was yelling " It 's a Rottweiler ! A ROTTWEILER ! " While on the phone with the police his wife approached me saying " Please , just leave . Please . " Another man in his group approached me saying , " Get out of here you bitch ! " The whole thing escalated very quickly and it really shook me and Liezel up . After this episode I became very nervous about walking Liezel . If you know anything about dogs , you know they feed off their owners ' feelings . So I 'm feeding her nervousness and anxiety by being nervous and anxious . Round and round it went . Around this time a few other things happened . We took a day trip to see the breeder and let her see Liezel . When Deb tried to pet Liezel 's head , Liezel back away . Deb asked me " You haven 't hit her have you ? " Nope . We went camping one weekend and Liezel was so frantic and worried she barked the entire time and got to the point of vomiting from nervousness . We actually took her for a car ride hoping 1 ) to calm her down and 2 ) let the other campers have some peace and quiet . She started barking and lunging at all strangers - going into and out of daycare , at agility class , on a walk , etc . All strangers . And she would freak out at the sound of any car door outside , the doorbell ( real or on TV ) , or the neighbors she could see in their house from the backyard . When I say " freaking out " she would jump up , front paws on the front door , scratching , barking , spit flying , hackles up . Most times there was nothing there . Then it would take an hour or more for her to calm down . I spoke with the trainer about all of this . She did not seem very concerned and gave the impression that Liezel could outgrow it . This was insufficient for me . I needed an action plan . We also had a guy out to our house who represented a company that used e - collars . The company came recommended to us by a family member . His presentation and explanation was really off - putting . We didn 't understand the concept and wondered how could we expect Liezel to understand if we didn 't . Additionally , he said " The dog will have to wear a muzzle in order for me to work with her . " I 'm not opposed to using a muzzle , but he made no attempt to interact with Liezel . His idea was put a muzzle on her and an e - collar and get started . Neither my husband nor I got a good feeling about this so the idea was quickly discarded . The third trainer , Lynn , taught me about thresholds . Not letting Liezel get to the point of reacting because once she was over threshold she was unable to learn . I guess it would be like trying to learn a new skill while being chased by a bear ? When something scary is happening to you , you are not in a learning frame of mind . Week after week for several months , Lynn came to our house and worked on keeping Liezel under threshold . Here 's how it started . Liezel was in the bedroom when Lynn arrived . She sat at the kitchen table while I went to get Liezel . Liezel and I came out of the bedroom one step at a time . When Liezel saw Lynn , I was to say " Good girl " give her a treat , and retreat to the bedroom . Her reward for looking and not reacting was getting to leave the scary thing / person . After weeks of this , we moved outside . Lynn would be across the street and I would walk Liezel . When Liezel looked at Lynn she was praised and treated . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the lesson was over . Lynn also gave me instructions on a dog training process that taught the dog to stay on a mat / bed / blanket while things went on around it . So day one you tell the dog " go to your mat " and treat her when she gets on it [ Liezel already knew " go to your bed " so this was not difficult to teach ] . Take one step away from the mat and come back with " good girl " and a treat . This goes on and on for weeks with progressively more difficult things like running around the dog / mat , leaving the room , opening the front door , and ringing the doorbell . When you get through the whole thing , you start all over again in a different room . We went through all of the weeks ( it took twice as long as the plan because you can 't move on to the next day if the dog gets off the mat today ) and then started the whole thing over in the backyard . Also during this time , we hired a stranger to do stranger approaches . I found a local pet walker and paid her to sit at one end of the parking lot of an empty factory building , while we , 500 feet away , tried to approach and stay under threshold . The instructions from Lynn on this exercise was to come out from behind the building and wait for Liezel to see the stranger . Once she did , " good girl " and retreat . Do it again and try to get a foot closer . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the training was over for the day . After a few months we could get about 450 feet away before Liezel reacted . I stopped taking her to agility with our original trainer . Liezel seemed to really like running the agility course , but on the sideline she would panic over the other people and dogs . It came to a point where I decided the fun of the course did not outweigh the stress of the sidelines . We talked with our vet about this , all of this . She had blood sent out to test for thyroid issues and the results came back normal . It was time to try medication . Our vet could not prescribe Prozac so we went to a recommended veterinary behaviorist who did . She put Liezel on 30mg / day . The intention of medication was to calm Liezel enough so we could continue working on training under threshold . We were becoming a bit reclusive . An entire summer went by and we never took our camper out of storage . I was avoiding any talk of vacation because I didn 't know what we would do with her . When she was 14 months old we did go on vacation and left her with our original trainer . I checked in with the trainer everyday but got vague responses . Come to find out , Liezel just paced the whole time we were gone . During said summer when we didn 't camp , I came across a trainer that I had emailed months before but never heard back from . He was a police dog trainer so I assumed my issues with Liezel probably weren 't what he was looking to work with . He had a booth set up at a city festival advertising dog training , specifically aggression . I found my original email to him , forwarded it with a note saying " Hey , just saw you at the festival . Please see my email below from several months ago and let me know if you can help . " Simply , Z says : June 18 , 2016 at 10 : 35 am Interesting thoughts . We had a puppy too but sadly parted with her because of allergies . We found a nice home for her . I could relate to your puppy " hating " her crate . I will definitely refer to your blog when we get a second chance . Keep writing . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 18 , 2016 at 11 : 40 am Thank you ! It 's been hard having a fearful dog but also very rewarding ! I hope my lessons can help some one else . Reply Tim Taylor says : June 19 , 2016 at 9 : 14 am I 've read all your posts and I have to say they are extremely interesting . My favorite breed is a Doberman , next is German Shepard and then Rottweilers . I hate little yappin ' dogs with a passion . I absolutely love Wolves and I almost got one once upon a time . For me , that would have been a dream come true . Keep writin ' , ' cause now I wanna know how Liezel progresses ! I , too , have a pooch who doesn 't like the crate idea . She does the same panting , drooling thing , plus licks her front legs into sopping appendages ! I went for the baby gate idea , as well , because it didn 't make any sense to continue to upset her so badly with the crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 24 , 2016 at 5 : 56 pm Thank you ! And thank you for following me . Liezel has been trying , but when I look into her little brown almond eyes , I know she was meant for me and me for her . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply jay1991katira says : June 28 , 2016 at 1 : 33 am Nice one , You gave me nice snaps of pet . I love dogs . thank you Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 7 , 2016 at 8 : 17 am I love dogs , too ! They 're loyal and loving . I 'm glad you like the pictures ! Reply frankprem says : July 1 , 2016 at 6 : 47 pm Gorgeous looking dog . Best luck with raising her , and much enjoyment . Cheers , Frank Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 18 , 2016 at 2 : 26 pm Thanks , Laura . I need to commit some time to writing . We 've had a house guest for two weeks and she 's exhausting ! Reply Vaibhav says : July 26 , 2016 at 6 : 26 am Hi again , thanks for stopping by . I read this post and have to say this - I 'm not a dog person at all , bit scared actually and love cats . However , Liezel looks so adorable . A missed vacation sounds terrible but am sure this phase will pass . Great blog title - it will go places . Have a nice day . Reply txhomegirl says : July 27 , 2016 at 5 : 00 pm Good blog ! I have to know what happened . I love Rotts . I 've owned two males and now own a female . She is much more skittish than my males were . Reply hadleylovesgus says : August 9 , 2016 at 12 : 36 pm I feel your pain ! We have our little yorkie , Gus , who suffers from fear of strangers as well . We are in the process of working with him now too . Thank you for writing ! I am hopeful to do a similar documentation of our journey as its been a great help to hear of other stories of people like us who are working hard to help a pup in this type of situation . Thank you ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 9 , 2016 at 5 : 42 pm I 'm so happy to be able to share this experience with you ! The anxiety and constant stress of Liezel 's fear has been tiresome . Every little accomplishment is celebrated because we 're that much closer to her being comfortable . Thank you for reading . I look forward to hearing more about Gus . LikeLike Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 10 am What a captivating story . Hats off to you for sticking with Liezel . She is truly lucky to have found you guys . We 're having some issues with our Bella ( nothing as severe as this ) and reading this makes me believe there might be hope yet 🙂 Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 14 am Hi Diya . Thanks for reading about Liezel ! Yes , there is hope ! With a good trainer and a lot of patience , improvement can be made . What is Bella doing ? Is she fearful ? Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 22 am Yes she is . Goes on full alert , growls and barks persistently when someone dares to pass by our front door . Thankfully she doesn 't lunge at anyone and sometimes I think she barks more out of fear than possessiveness of her territory . Part of it may just be us reading the signs wrong . We are first time dog owners and are only fostering her for a few weeks . She seems okay at times and just when we think she has finally acclimatized she starts up again . But she 's a sweetheart and we will be sorry to see her go . owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 2 : 54 pm I wish that just once in a while they could talk . All the best with Bella ! LikeLike Vernon says : August 27 , 2016 at 5 : 11 am Hi I 'm a passionate Rottweiler owner . I understand your lost with Zelda . When I lost my first Rott name BAR I said I would never own another dog . It took me years to get over him . Today we have our third one name Sebastian . It was my wife first time ever owning a dog . He had anxiety and tried to run our home when we first got him . I never had a crate with my first two dogs so when Nicole said he have to stay in one until we get him trained from chewing everything I wasn 't sure about it . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 27 , 2016 at 8 : 00 am Hi Vernon ! Your comment made me smile first thing this morning ! Yes , Rottweilers have special personalities . I 'm sorry for your loss of BAR . It is so very painful . Congratulations on opening your heart and home to other dogs - they really do make home a better place . For your wife , a first time male Rottweiler is a brave place to start ! According to the breeder we used , the males goes through an ownership phase where they test you to see what they can get away with . Sure , female go through terrible twos , but I guess it doesn 't compare . You mention the nervousness and insecurities - you are spot on with that ! Liezel picks up my emotions in a frighteningly accurate way . If I 'm even feeling a little off , she starts acting nervous . Maybe that 's proof that she was meant to be mine : ) . I really think that most ( if not all ) Rottweilers are big babies ! ! Liezel 's whole issue is fear , she is afraid of strangers . But the people she knows … she will do anything you tell her for a treat , she wants to lick your face and get her belly rubbed . I 'm happy that your wife loves dogs now . Shelby sounds cute - for a little dog - hahaha ! I 'm more of a big dog kinda gal . Ecohug says : September 14 , 2016 at 11 : 35 am Great post , I really enjoyed reading it and wanted to tell you that you are a great dog mom for sticking it out and really working on helping Liezel . I wanted to ask if you tried anything more natural to relieve anxiety , like herbs that are designed to relax the dog ? We had something similar ( not as bad as yours ) with our dog , Maddie , when we brought her home and giving her some herbs really helped her be calm especially in her crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : September 14 , 2016 at 12 : 55 pm Hi ! Thank you for reading about Liezel ! Yes , she gets two Chinese herbs : Shen Calmer and Chai Hu Shu Gan . Both are from our vet . We noticed HUGE improvements once we started the herbs . At one point last winter I took her off of them since she was doing pretty good and we noticed regression in her reactivity . The vet recommended putting her back on them , and again , they brought her back to a calmer , less reactive dog . Reply 200 Saturdays until Paris says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 26 pm I love what a patient and kind person you have been with your baby . I know it has been hard , but I am so happy you didn 't give up . ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 38 pm Thank you ! She she is wonderful in many , many ways . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 20 , 2016 at 5 : 14 am I 'm exhausted reading what you have been through . Also if you need to have break , Liezel should be in good hands with the breeder . I look forward to reading if it gets better for you . Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 21 , 2016 at 5 : 02 am Yes it was long , but it was very thoroughly written . I was hoping desperately that peace and harmony would reign for you , but I had to wait until now to find out . But I am very glad it has gotten better for you . Good on your parents . John Chon says : November 14 , 2016 at 7 : 06 pm Your dog is so cute ! I really liked how thorough you were in this post . I can tell that you love your dog very much . It 's so great to see loving and responsible dog owners out there 🙂 Keep up the great work ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 15 , 2016 at 4 : 43 am Hi John ! Thank you ! We think she 's pretty cute , too . I 'm very glad you enjoyed reading about Liezel . She is doing so much better . LikeLiked by 1 person charlypriest says : November 17 , 2016 at 12 : 58 pm Cute dog , I myself have a recent addition to the family that is called Tina a bulldog of 7 months . What I find fascinating about all this is … . . the dog has a daycarecenter ! That is unheard here in Spain . That dog has better care as a youngster than I did . I 'm actually jealous . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 17 , 2016 at 2 : 34 pm Oh what we do for our pets here … ! Thank you for reading ! Yay for you and Tina ! There is something so wonderful about having a dog . Reply charlypriest says : November 18 , 2016 at 6 : 09 am She does puts me a smile on the face , although she can be a pain in the but quite a lot of times . Specially when she starts eating walls , chairs , sofas , socks , the list goes on . What a stomach this dog has , it 's bullet proof .
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Knowing nothing about blogs or blogging , I had a * great * idea this morning to start my own and write all about my dog . I considered writing a book … but would there be enough to say and would anyone care ? At least this way , I can get it all out in writing , look at what I 've got and see where it goes . We ( my husband and I ) brought home a 7 . 5 week Rottweiler puppy on January 17 , 2014 . We named her Liezel ( sounds like diesel ) , I 'll spare you the long AKC registered name . I was apprehensive because we had just gone though a painful year and a half of caring for a very sick Rottweiler , Zelda . We put her down just before her second birthday in September , 2013 , and it was heartbreaking . Zelda was my first dog , I loved her more than I knew was possible . Getting a new puppy was scary ( what if she 's sick ) and exciting ( puppies are fun and cute ) . My intention for getting a dog was not only companionship but also to compete in dog sports ( obedience , agility ) , ultimately Schutzhund . We were supposed to start puppy classes right away , but Liezel not having her 12 - week shots , I postponed classes until the " next semester " for fear she would get sick . From 8 weeks to 11 weeks , Liezel stayed home . I took a week off of work , my husband took a week off , and my retired parents stayed with her for a week during the day while we worked . Aside from hating the crate she seemed like a perfectly content pup . The neighbors came over to meet her and when she met their Rottweiler , she was in Heaven ! She took to him like he was her best friend . I wondered if she thought " Wow ! Something like me - just bigger . " I remember commenting that the neighbor 's dog looked at me with an expression of " get this mosquito away from me ! " She loved when he came over . During the 8 - to 12 - week age we had major snowfall in Michigan . We had to dig tracks in the yard for Liezel to go potty since the snow was deeper than she was tall . It was very cold and with the snow and salt we did not take her for walks . However , she went to the pet store ( I carried her ) , the vet , and my parents house for small amounts of exposure . I know , I know " 8 - to 12 - weeks is a critical time for socialization ! " My thought process was I would rather delay socialization a few weeks than take the chance of having another sick dog . At eleven weeks , Liezel started daycare . She couldn 't be with the other puppies yet because she still had a week to go for shots , but she was in the office with the employees - and out of the house . The daycare workers pointed out that she really hated being crated ( yep , we know ) . At home or daycare , while crated she would howl and cry to the point of peeing and / or pooping herself . Never was the crate used for punishment . The purpose of crating her was to create her own private space . The idea being she can go to her crate knowing that when there no one will bother her . It 's her " safe place . " In the meantime , until she realized it was her safe - place she would be crated for naps and at night . It got to the point during what should have been nap time ( she 's fallen asleep somewhere and we pick her up and put her in the crate ) she would just cry , scream and howl . I actually called the breeder and ask " what should we do ? ! " Some dogs don 't take to a crate so the advice was to just let her sleep wherever she laid down . She would still have to be crated at night since she wasn 't fully potty trained . I slept on the floor next to her for four weeks , slowly increasing the distance from her until I could get in to bed . Back to daycare , at 13 weeks she started playing with the other dogs ( shots at 12 weeks , then a week to recover ) . She played with the other puppies and came home worn out . For one hour during the day all the dogs are kenneled ( inside ) for a lunch break . Liezel was still getting three meals a day so this was her lunch and nap break . Being in the kennel alone was as bad as being crated . She would pee / poop herself and cry and howl . One day they had to bathe her because she was in such a tither she got poop all over herself . This was causing me to have some anxiety . I have a happy , healthy puppy who does not like to be crated . I start wondering ' how am I ever going to leave the house ? , ' ' how are we ever going to leave her alone ? , ' ' what have I gotten us into ? ' I talked to the trainer once we started puppy classes and she had some tips . 1 ) never let her out of the crate when she 's crying - doing so will teach her that crying gets her released . Um , she cries the whole time she 's in it . 2 ) hit a wall just outside the room where the crate is . It will get her attention and she will stop to listen . At that moment of silence go get her . 3 ) never tell her " good girl " when she 's coming out of the crate - doing so will teach her getting out is the reward . 4 ) do not show excitement when letting her out . Open the door and walk away . Getting out is not fun / exciting ; going in should be . So over the course of the next couple of months we worked on this . The living room crate for naps was removed and the bedroom crate for nighttime was moved from the foot of the bed to my side . The move would allow her to see down the hallway when she was crated when we went out . Here I should interject that " going out " meant running to the grocery store , maybe going out to dinner , or stopping by my parents ( they live two miles away ) . This wasn 't out to dinner , drinks , and a movie - or even an extended family get - together . We were gone an hour or less . When we got home the crate would be covered in drool and she would be panting . Separation anxiety ? Just complete fear of the crate ? What is the problem , here ? At five months old we stopped using the crate all together . She was locked in our bedroom by a baby gate when we went out and this was a much better solution . She was calmer and we found ( via recording ) that she would curl up on the bed and sleep while we were gone . No drooling , panting , or pacing . She also started sleeping with us at night . It seemed a better option than the nighttime crying , panting , drooling , etc . She jumped into bed , curled up , and that was that . We continued with classes . Puppy class was a great success ! She knew sit , down , shake , watch , and touch before class even started ( remember those several weeks she stayed home ? We were teaching her some stuff . ) so she was kinda the star student [ proud smile ] . By the time we got to intermediate / advanced obedience we noticed some undesirable behaviors . Also around this time , the weather had gotten better and we started taking walks where we also observed undesirable behavior . At class she began barking and attempting to run toward ( on leash ) other people . On a walk , once we got about two houses away , she would turn around pulling toward home . Her happy disposition changed to a vigilant , nervous one . If anyone came out and asked to pet her , she would shrink back and avoid being touched . When she was about 6 months old we were on a walk in the neighborhood . Approaching a driveway partially blocked by a Jeep , two remote control cars came toward us . Liezel barked and lunged at them . The cars were being run by two little boys and the adult started screaming , " Get that dog off of my property before I get my f - ing gun and shoot it . " Hmm . This seemed over - the - top . My then 6 - month old puppy , was startled by the things coming at her , and she reacted . The guy went crazy ! I pointed out to him that I was on city property and I had every right to be there . Well his threats continued so I called the police . He too called the police and was yelling " It 's a Rottweiler ! A ROTTWEILER ! " While on the phone with the police his wife approached me saying " Please , just leave . Please . " Another man in his group approached me saying , " Get out of here you bitch ! " The whole thing escalated very quickly and it really shook me and Liezel up . After this episode I became very nervous about walking Liezel . If you know anything about dogs , you know they feed off their owners ' feelings . So I 'm feeding her nervousness and anxiety by being nervous and anxious . Round and round it went . Around this time a few other things happened . We took a day trip to see the breeder and let her see Liezel . When Deb tried to pet Liezel 's head , Liezel back away . Deb asked me " You haven 't hit her have you ? " Nope . We went camping one weekend and Liezel was so frantic and worried she barked the entire time and got to the point of vomiting from nervousness . We actually took her for a car ride hoping 1 ) to calm her down and 2 ) let the other campers have some peace and quiet . She started barking and lunging at all strangers - going into and out of daycare , at agility class , on a walk , etc . All strangers . And she would freak out at the sound of any car door outside , the doorbell ( real or on TV ) , or the neighbors she could see in their house from the backyard . When I say " freaking out " she would jump up , front paws on the front door , scratching , barking , spit flying , hackles up . Most times there was nothing there . Then it would take an hour or more for her to calm down . I spoke with the trainer about all of this . She did not seem very concerned and gave the impression that Liezel could outgrow it . This was insufficient for me . I needed an action plan . We also had a guy out to our house who represented a company that used e - collars . The company came recommended to us by a family member . His presentation and explanation was really off - putting . We didn 't understand the concept and wondered how could we expect Liezel to understand if we didn 't . Additionally , he said " The dog will have to wear a muzzle in order for me to work with her . " I 'm not opposed to using a muzzle , but he made no attempt to interact with Liezel . His idea was put a muzzle on her and an e - collar and get started . Neither my husband nor I got a good feeling about this so the idea was quickly discarded . The third trainer , Lynn , taught me about thresholds . Not letting Liezel get to the point of reacting because once she was over threshold she was unable to learn . I guess it would be like trying to learn a new skill while being chased by a bear ? When something scary is happening to you , you are not in a learning frame of mind . Week after week for several months , Lynn came to our house and worked on keeping Liezel under threshold . Here 's how it started . Liezel was in the bedroom when Lynn arrived . She sat at the kitchen table while I went to get Liezel . Liezel and I came out of the bedroom one step at a time . When Liezel saw Lynn , I was to say " Good girl " give her a treat , and retreat to the bedroom . Her reward for looking and not reacting was getting to leave the scary thing / person . After weeks of this , we moved outside . Lynn would be across the street and I would walk Liezel . When Liezel looked at Lynn she was praised and treated . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the lesson was over . Lynn also gave me instructions on a dog training process that taught the dog to stay on a mat / bed / blanket while things went on around it . So day one you tell the dog " go to your mat " and treat her when she gets on it [ Liezel already knew " go to your bed " so this was not difficult to teach ] . Take one step away from the mat and come back with " good girl " and a treat . This goes on and on for weeks with progressively more difficult things like running around the dog / mat , leaving the room , opening the front door , and ringing the doorbell . When you get through the whole thing , you start all over again in a different room . We went through all of the weeks ( it took twice as long as the plan because you can 't move on to the next day if the dog gets off the mat today ) and then started the whole thing over in the backyard . Also during this time , we hired a stranger to do stranger approaches . I found a local pet walker and paid her to sit at one end of the parking lot of an empty factory building , while we , 500 feet away , tried to approach and stay under threshold . The instructions from Lynn on this exercise was to come out from behind the building and wait for Liezel to see the stranger . Once she did , " good girl " and retreat . Do it again and try to get a foot closer . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the training was over for the day . After a few months we could get about 450 feet away before Liezel reacted . I stopped taking her to agility with our original trainer . Liezel seemed to really like running the agility course , but on the sideline she would panic over the other people and dogs . It came to a point where I decided the fun of the course did not outweigh the stress of the sidelines . We talked with our vet about this , all of this . She had blood sent out to test for thyroid issues and the results came back normal . It was time to try medication . Our vet could not prescribe Prozac so we went to a recommended veterinary behaviorist who did . She put Liezel on 30mg / day . The intention of medication was to calm Liezel enough so we could continue working on training under threshold . We were becoming a bit reclusive . An entire summer went by and we never took our camper out of storage . I was avoiding any talk of vacation because I didn 't know what we would do with her . When she was 14 months old we did go on vacation and left her with our original trainer . I checked in with the trainer everyday but got vague responses . Come to find out , Liezel just paced the whole time we were gone . During said summer when we didn 't camp , I came across a trainer that I had emailed months before but never heard back from . He was a police dog trainer so I assumed my issues with Liezel probably weren 't what he was looking to work with . He had a booth set up at a city festival advertising dog training , specifically aggression . I found my original email to him , forwarded it with a note saying " Hey , just saw you at the festival . Please see my email below from several months ago and let me know if you can help . " Simply , Z says : June 18 , 2016 at 10 : 35 am Interesting thoughts . We had a puppy too but sadly parted with her because of allergies . We found a nice home for her . I could relate to your puppy " hating " her crate . I will definitely refer to your blog when we get a second chance . Keep writing . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 18 , 2016 at 11 : 40 am Thank you ! It 's been hard having a fearful dog but also very rewarding ! I hope my lessons can help some one else . Reply Tim Taylor says : June 19 , 2016 at 9 : 14 am I 've read all your posts and I have to say they are extremely interesting . My favorite breed is a Doberman , next is German Shepard and then Rottweilers . I hate little yappin ' dogs with a passion . I absolutely love Wolves and I almost got one once upon a time . For me , that would have been a dream come true . Keep writin ' , ' cause now I wanna know how Liezel progresses ! I , too , have a pooch who doesn 't like the crate idea . She does the same panting , drooling thing , plus licks her front legs into sopping appendages ! I went for the baby gate idea , as well , because it didn 't make any sense to continue to upset her so badly with the crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 24 , 2016 at 5 : 56 pm Thank you ! And thank you for following me . Liezel has been trying , but when I look into her little brown almond eyes , I know she was meant for me and me for her . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply jay1991katira says : June 28 , 2016 at 1 : 33 am Nice one , You gave me nice snaps of pet . I love dogs . thank you Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 7 , 2016 at 8 : 17 am I love dogs , too ! They 're loyal and loving . I 'm glad you like the pictures ! Reply frankprem says : July 1 , 2016 at 6 : 47 pm Gorgeous looking dog . Best luck with raising her , and much enjoyment . Cheers , Frank Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 18 , 2016 at 2 : 26 pm Thanks , Laura . I need to commit some time to writing . We 've had a house guest for two weeks and she 's exhausting ! Reply Vaibhav says : July 26 , 2016 at 6 : 26 am Hi again , thanks for stopping by . I read this post and have to say this - I 'm not a dog person at all , bit scared actually and love cats . However , Liezel looks so adorable . A missed vacation sounds terrible but am sure this phase will pass . Great blog title - it will go places . Have a nice day . Reply txhomegirl says : July 27 , 2016 at 5 : 00 pm Good blog ! I have to know what happened . I love Rotts . I 've owned two males and now own a female . She is much more skittish than my males were . Reply hadleylovesgus says : August 9 , 2016 at 12 : 36 pm I feel your pain ! We have our little yorkie , Gus , who suffers from fear of strangers as well . We are in the process of working with him now too . Thank you for writing ! I am hopeful to do a similar documentation of our journey as its been a great help to hear of other stories of people like us who are working hard to help a pup in this type of situation . Thank you ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 9 , 2016 at 5 : 42 pm I 'm so happy to be able to share this experience with you ! The anxiety and constant stress of Liezel 's fear has been tiresome . Every little accomplishment is celebrated because we 're that much closer to her being comfortable . Thank you for reading . I look forward to hearing more about Gus . LikeLike Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 10 am What a captivating story . Hats off to you for sticking with Liezel . She is truly lucky to have found you guys . We 're having some issues with our Bella ( nothing as severe as this ) and reading this makes me believe there might be hope yet 🙂 Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 14 am Hi Diya . Thanks for reading about Liezel ! Yes , there is hope ! With a good trainer and a lot of patience , improvement can be made . What is Bella doing ? Is she fearful ? Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 22 am Yes she is . Goes on full alert , growls and barks persistently when someone dares to pass by our front door . Thankfully she doesn 't lunge at anyone and sometimes I think she barks more out of fear than possessiveness of her territory . Part of it may just be us reading the signs wrong . We are first time dog owners and are only fostering her for a few weeks . She seems okay at times and just when we think she has finally acclimatized she starts up again . But she 's a sweetheart and we will be sorry to see her go . owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 2 : 54 pm I wish that just once in a while they could talk . All the best with Bella ! LikeLike Vernon says : August 27 , 2016 at 5 : 11 am Hi I 'm a passionate Rottweiler owner . I understand your lost with Zelda . When I lost my first Rott name BAR I said I would never own another dog . It took me years to get over him . Today we have our third one name Sebastian . It was my wife first time ever owning a dog . He had anxiety and tried to run our home when we first got him . I never had a crate with my first two dogs so when Nicole said he have to stay in one until we get him trained from chewing everything I wasn 't sure about it . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 27 , 2016 at 8 : 00 am Hi Vernon ! Your comment made me smile first thing this morning ! Yes , Rottweilers have special personalities . I 'm sorry for your loss of BAR . It is so very painful . Congratulations on opening your heart and home to other dogs - they really do make home a better place . For your wife , a first time male Rottweiler is a brave place to start ! According to the breeder we used , the males goes through an ownership phase where they test you to see what they can get away with . Sure , female go through terrible twos , but I guess it doesn 't compare . You mention the nervousness and insecurities - you are spot on with that ! Liezel picks up my emotions in a frighteningly accurate way . If I 'm even feeling a little off , she starts acting nervous . Maybe that 's proof that she was meant to be mine : ) . I really think that most ( if not all ) Rottweilers are big babies ! ! Liezel 's whole issue is fear , she is afraid of strangers . But the people she knows … she will do anything you tell her for a treat , she wants to lick your face and get her belly rubbed . I 'm happy that your wife loves dogs now . Shelby sounds cute - for a little dog - hahaha ! I 'm more of a big dog kinda gal . Ecohug says : September 14 , 2016 at 11 : 35 am Great post , I really enjoyed reading it and wanted to tell you that you are a great dog mom for sticking it out and really working on helping Liezel . I wanted to ask if you tried anything more natural to relieve anxiety , like herbs that are designed to relax the dog ? We had something similar ( not as bad as yours ) with our dog , Maddie , when we brought her home and giving her some herbs really helped her be calm especially in her crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : September 14 , 2016 at 12 : 55 pm Hi ! Thank you for reading about Liezel ! Yes , she gets two Chinese herbs : Shen Calmer and Chai Hu Shu Gan . Both are from our vet . We noticed HUGE improvements once we started the herbs . At one point last winter I took her off of them since she was doing pretty good and we noticed regression in her reactivity . The vet recommended putting her back on them , and again , they brought her back to a calmer , less reactive dog . Reply 200 Saturdays until Paris says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 26 pm I love what a patient and kind person you have been with your baby . I know it has been hard , but I am so happy you didn 't give up . ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 38 pm Thank you ! She she is wonderful in many , many ways . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 20 , 2016 at 5 : 14 am I 'm exhausted reading what you have been through . Also if you need to have break , Liezel should be in good hands with the breeder . I look forward to reading if it gets better for you . Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 21 , 2016 at 5 : 02 am Yes it was long , but it was very thoroughly written . I was hoping desperately that peace and harmony would reign for you , but I had to wait until now to find out . But I am very glad it has gotten better for you . Good on your parents . John Chon says : November 14 , 2016 at 7 : 06 pm Your dog is so cute ! I really liked how thorough you were in this post . I can tell that you love your dog very much . It 's so great to see loving and responsible dog owners out there 🙂 Keep up the great work ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 15 , 2016 at 4 : 43 am Hi John ! Thank you ! We think she 's pretty cute , too . I 'm very glad you enjoyed reading about Liezel . She is doing so much better . LikeLiked by 1 person charlypriest says : November 17 , 2016 at 12 : 58 pm Cute dog , I myself have a recent addition to the family that is called Tina a bulldog of 7 months . What I find fascinating about all this is … . . the dog has a daycarecenter ! That is unheard here in Spain . That dog has better care as a youngster than I did . I 'm actually jealous . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 17 , 2016 at 2 : 34 pm Oh what we do for our pets here … ! Thank you for reading ! Yay for you and Tina ! There is something so wonderful about having a dog . Reply charlypriest says : November 18 , 2016 at 6 : 09 am She does puts me a smile on the face , although she can be a pain in the but quite a lot of times . Specially when she starts eating walls , chairs , sofas , socks , the list goes on . What a stomach this dog has , it 's bullet proof .
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Knowing nothing about blogs or blogging , I had a * great * idea this morning to start my own and write all about my dog . I considered writing a book … but would there be enough to say and would anyone care ? At least this way , I can get it all out in writing , look at what I 've got and see where it goes . We ( my husband and I ) brought home a 7 . 5 week Rottweiler puppy on January 17 , 2014 . We named her Liezel ( sounds like diesel ) , I 'll spare you the long AKC registered name . I was apprehensive because we had just gone though a painful year and a half of caring for a very sick Rottweiler , Zelda . We put her down just before her second birthday in September , 2013 , and it was heartbreaking . Zelda was my first dog , I loved her more than I knew was possible . Getting a new puppy was scary ( what if she 's sick ) and exciting ( puppies are fun and cute ) . My intention for getting a dog was not only companionship but also to compete in dog sports ( obedience , agility ) , ultimately Schutzhund . We were supposed to start puppy classes right away , but Liezel not having her 12 - week shots , I postponed classes until the " next semester " for fear she would get sick . From 8 weeks to 11 weeks , Liezel stayed home . I took a week off of work , my husband took a week off , and my retired parents stayed with her for a week during the day while we worked . Aside from hating the crate she seemed like a perfectly content pup . The neighbors came over to meet her and when she met their Rottweiler , she was in Heaven ! She took to him like he was her best friend . I wondered if she thought " Wow ! Something like me - just bigger . " I remember commenting that the neighbor 's dog looked at me with an expression of " get this mosquito away from me ! " She loved when he came over . During the 8 - to 12 - week age we had major snowfall in Michigan . We had to dig tracks in the yard for Liezel to go potty since the snow was deeper than she was tall . It was very cold and with the snow and salt we did not take her for walks . However , she went to the pet store ( I carried her ) , the vet , and my parents house for small amounts of exposure . I know , I know " 8 - to 12 - weeks is a critical time for socialization ! " My thought process was I would rather delay socialization a few weeks than take the chance of having another sick dog . At eleven weeks , Liezel started daycare . She couldn 't be with the other puppies yet because she still had a week to go for shots , but she was in the office with the employees - and out of the house . The daycare workers pointed out that she really hated being crated ( yep , we know ) . At home or daycare , while crated she would howl and cry to the point of peeing and / or pooping herself . Never was the crate used for punishment . The purpose of crating her was to create her own private space . The idea being she can go to her crate knowing that when there no one will bother her . It 's her " safe place . " In the meantime , until she realized it was her safe - place she would be crated for naps and at night . It got to the point during what should have been nap time ( she 's fallen asleep somewhere and we pick her up and put her in the crate ) she would just cry , scream and howl . I actually called the breeder and ask " what should we do ? ! " Some dogs don 't take to a crate so the advice was to just let her sleep wherever she laid down . She would still have to be crated at night since she wasn 't fully potty trained . I slept on the floor next to her for four weeks , slowly increasing the distance from her until I could get in to bed . Back to daycare , at 13 weeks she started playing with the other dogs ( shots at 12 weeks , then a week to recover ) . She played with the other puppies and came home worn out . For one hour during the day all the dogs are kenneled ( inside ) for a lunch break . Liezel was still getting three meals a day so this was her lunch and nap break . Being in the kennel alone was as bad as being crated . She would pee / poop herself and cry and howl . One day they had to bathe her because she was in such a tither she got poop all over herself . This was causing me to have some anxiety . I have a happy , healthy puppy who does not like to be crated . I start wondering ' how am I ever going to leave the house ? , ' ' how are we ever going to leave her alone ? , ' ' what have I gotten us into ? ' I talked to the trainer once we started puppy classes and she had some tips . 1 ) never let her out of the crate when she 's crying - doing so will teach her that crying gets her released . Um , she cries the whole time she 's in it . 2 ) hit a wall just outside the room where the crate is . It will get her attention and she will stop to listen . At that moment of silence go get her . 3 ) never tell her " good girl " when she 's coming out of the crate - doing so will teach her getting out is the reward . 4 ) do not show excitement when letting her out . Open the door and walk away . Getting out is not fun / exciting ; going in should be . So over the course of the next couple of months we worked on this . The living room crate for naps was removed and the bedroom crate for nighttime was moved from the foot of the bed to my side . The move would allow her to see down the hallway when she was crated when we went out . Here I should interject that " going out " meant running to the grocery store , maybe going out to dinner , or stopping by my parents ( they live two miles away ) . This wasn 't out to dinner , drinks , and a movie - or even an extended family get - together . We were gone an hour or less . When we got home the crate would be covered in drool and she would be panting . Separation anxiety ? Just complete fear of the crate ? What is the problem , here ? At five months old we stopped using the crate all together . She was locked in our bedroom by a baby gate when we went out and this was a much better solution . She was calmer and we found ( via recording ) that she would curl up on the bed and sleep while we were gone . No drooling , panting , or pacing . She also started sleeping with us at night . It seemed a better option than the nighttime crying , panting , drooling , etc . She jumped into bed , curled up , and that was that . We continued with classes . Puppy class was a great success ! She knew sit , down , shake , watch , and touch before class even started ( remember those several weeks she stayed home ? We were teaching her some stuff . ) so she was kinda the star student [ proud smile ] . By the time we got to intermediate / advanced obedience we noticed some undesirable behaviors . Also around this time , the weather had gotten better and we started taking walks where we also observed undesirable behavior . At class she began barking and attempting to run toward ( on leash ) other people . On a walk , once we got about two houses away , she would turn around pulling toward home . Her happy disposition changed to a vigilant , nervous one . If anyone came out and asked to pet her , she would shrink back and avoid being touched . When she was about 6 months old we were on a walk in the neighborhood . Approaching a driveway partially blocked by a Jeep , two remote control cars came toward us . Liezel barked and lunged at them . The cars were being run by two little boys and the adult started screaming , " Get that dog off of my property before I get my f - ing gun and shoot it . " Hmm . This seemed over - the - top . My then 6 - month old puppy , was startled by the things coming at her , and she reacted . The guy went crazy ! I pointed out to him that I was on city property and I had every right to be there . Well his threats continued so I called the police . He too called the police and was yelling " It 's a Rottweiler ! A ROTTWEILER ! " While on the phone with the police his wife approached me saying " Please , just leave . Please . " Another man in his group approached me saying , " Get out of here you bitch ! " The whole thing escalated very quickly and it really shook me and Liezel up . After this episode I became very nervous about walking Liezel . If you know anything about dogs , you know they feed off their owners ' feelings . So I 'm feeding her nervousness and anxiety by being nervous and anxious . Round and round it went . Around this time a few other things happened . We took a day trip to see the breeder and let her see Liezel . When Deb tried to pet Liezel 's head , Liezel back away . Deb asked me " You haven 't hit her have you ? " Nope . We went camping one weekend and Liezel was so frantic and worried she barked the entire time and got to the point of vomiting from nervousness . We actually took her for a car ride hoping 1 ) to calm her down and 2 ) let the other campers have some peace and quiet . She started barking and lunging at all strangers - going into and out of daycare , at agility class , on a walk , etc . All strangers . And she would freak out at the sound of any car door outside , the doorbell ( real or on TV ) , or the neighbors she could see in their house from the backyard . When I say " freaking out " she would jump up , front paws on the front door , scratching , barking , spit flying , hackles up . Most times there was nothing there . Then it would take an hour or more for her to calm down . I spoke with the trainer about all of this . She did not seem very concerned and gave the impression that Liezel could outgrow it . This was insufficient for me . I needed an action plan . We also had a guy out to our house who represented a company that used e - collars . The company came recommended to us by a family member . His presentation and explanation was really off - putting . We didn 't understand the concept and wondered how could we expect Liezel to understand if we didn 't . Additionally , he said " The dog will have to wear a muzzle in order for me to work with her . " I 'm not opposed to using a muzzle , but he made no attempt to interact with Liezel . His idea was put a muzzle on her and an e - collar and get started . Neither my husband nor I got a good feeling about this so the idea was quickly discarded . The third trainer , Lynn , taught me about thresholds . Not letting Liezel get to the point of reacting because once she was over threshold she was unable to learn . I guess it would be like trying to learn a new skill while being chased by a bear ? When something scary is happening to you , you are not in a learning frame of mind . Week after week for several months , Lynn came to our house and worked on keeping Liezel under threshold . Here 's how it started . Liezel was in the bedroom when Lynn arrived . She sat at the kitchen table while I went to get Liezel . Liezel and I came out of the bedroom one step at a time . When Liezel saw Lynn , I was to say " Good girl " give her a treat , and retreat to the bedroom . Her reward for looking and not reacting was getting to leave the scary thing / person . After weeks of this , we moved outside . Lynn would be across the street and I would walk Liezel . When Liezel looked at Lynn she was praised and treated . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the lesson was over . Lynn also gave me instructions on a dog training process that taught the dog to stay on a mat / bed / blanket while things went on around it . So day one you tell the dog " go to your mat " and treat her when she gets on it [ Liezel already knew " go to your bed " so this was not difficult to teach ] . Take one step away from the mat and come back with " good girl " and a treat . This goes on and on for weeks with progressively more difficult things like running around the dog / mat , leaving the room , opening the front door , and ringing the doorbell . When you get through the whole thing , you start all over again in a different room . We went through all of the weeks ( it took twice as long as the plan because you can 't move on to the next day if the dog gets off the mat today ) and then started the whole thing over in the backyard . Also during this time , we hired a stranger to do stranger approaches . I found a local pet walker and paid her to sit at one end of the parking lot of an empty factory building , while we , 500 feet away , tried to approach and stay under threshold . The instructions from Lynn on this exercise was to come out from behind the building and wait for Liezel to see the stranger . Once she did , " good girl " and retreat . Do it again and try to get a foot closer . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the training was over for the day . After a few months we could get about 450 feet away before Liezel reacted . I stopped taking her to agility with our original trainer . Liezel seemed to really like running the agility course , but on the sideline she would panic over the other people and dogs . It came to a point where I decided the fun of the course did not outweigh the stress of the sidelines . We talked with our vet about this , all of this . She had blood sent out to test for thyroid issues and the results came back normal . It was time to try medication . Our vet could not prescribe Prozac so we went to a recommended veterinary behaviorist who did . She put Liezel on 30mg / day . The intention of medication was to calm Liezel enough so we could continue working on training under threshold . We were becoming a bit reclusive . An entire summer went by and we never took our camper out of storage . I was avoiding any talk of vacation because I didn 't know what we would do with her . When she was 14 months old we did go on vacation and left her with our original trainer . I checked in with the trainer everyday but got vague responses . Come to find out , Liezel just paced the whole time we were gone . During said summer when we didn 't camp , I came across a trainer that I had emailed months before but never heard back from . He was a police dog trainer so I assumed my issues with Liezel probably weren 't what he was looking to work with . He had a booth set up at a city festival advertising dog training , specifically aggression . I found my original email to him , forwarded it with a note saying " Hey , just saw you at the festival . Please see my email below from several months ago and let me know if you can help . " Simply , Z says : June 18 , 2016 at 10 : 35 am Interesting thoughts . We had a puppy too but sadly parted with her because of allergies . We found a nice home for her . I could relate to your puppy " hating " her crate . I will definitely refer to your blog when we get a second chance . Keep writing . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 18 , 2016 at 11 : 40 am Thank you ! It 's been hard having a fearful dog but also very rewarding ! I hope my lessons can help some one else . Reply Tim Taylor says : June 19 , 2016 at 9 : 14 am I 've read all your posts and I have to say they are extremely interesting . My favorite breed is a Doberman , next is German Shepard and then Rottweilers . I hate little yappin ' dogs with a passion . I absolutely love Wolves and I almost got one once upon a time . For me , that would have been a dream come true . Keep writin ' , ' cause now I wanna know how Liezel progresses ! I , too , have a pooch who doesn 't like the crate idea . She does the same panting , drooling thing , plus licks her front legs into sopping appendages ! I went for the baby gate idea , as well , because it didn 't make any sense to continue to upset her so badly with the crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 24 , 2016 at 5 : 56 pm Thank you ! And thank you for following me . Liezel has been trying , but when I look into her little brown almond eyes , I know she was meant for me and me for her . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply jay1991katira says : June 28 , 2016 at 1 : 33 am Nice one , You gave me nice snaps of pet . I love dogs . thank you Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 7 , 2016 at 8 : 17 am I love dogs , too ! They 're loyal and loving . I 'm glad you like the pictures ! Reply frankprem says : July 1 , 2016 at 6 : 47 pm Gorgeous looking dog . Best luck with raising her , and much enjoyment . Cheers , Frank Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 18 , 2016 at 2 : 26 pm Thanks , Laura . I need to commit some time to writing . We 've had a house guest for two weeks and she 's exhausting ! Reply Vaibhav says : July 26 , 2016 at 6 : 26 am Hi again , thanks for stopping by . I read this post and have to say this - I 'm not a dog person at all , bit scared actually and love cats . However , Liezel looks so adorable . A missed vacation sounds terrible but am sure this phase will pass . Great blog title - it will go places . Have a nice day . Reply txhomegirl says : July 27 , 2016 at 5 : 00 pm Good blog ! I have to know what happened . I love Rotts . I 've owned two males and now own a female . She is much more skittish than my males were . Reply hadleylovesgus says : August 9 , 2016 at 12 : 36 pm I feel your pain ! We have our little yorkie , Gus , who suffers from fear of strangers as well . We are in the process of working with him now too . Thank you for writing ! I am hopeful to do a similar documentation of our journey as its been a great help to hear of other stories of people like us who are working hard to help a pup in this type of situation . Thank you ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 9 , 2016 at 5 : 42 pm I 'm so happy to be able to share this experience with you ! The anxiety and constant stress of Liezel 's fear has been tiresome . Every little accomplishment is celebrated because we 're that much closer to her being comfortable . Thank you for reading . I look forward to hearing more about Gus . LikeLike Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 10 am What a captivating story . Hats off to you for sticking with Liezel . She is truly lucky to have found you guys . We 're having some issues with our Bella ( nothing as severe as this ) and reading this makes me believe there might be hope yet 🙂 Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 14 am Hi Diya . Thanks for reading about Liezel ! Yes , there is hope ! With a good trainer and a lot of patience , improvement can be made . What is Bella doing ? Is she fearful ? Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 22 am Yes she is . Goes on full alert , growls and barks persistently when someone dares to pass by our front door . Thankfully she doesn 't lunge at anyone and sometimes I think she barks more out of fear than possessiveness of her territory . Part of it may just be us reading the signs wrong . We are first time dog owners and are only fostering her for a few weeks . She seems okay at times and just when we think she has finally acclimatized she starts up again . But she 's a sweetheart and we will be sorry to see her go . owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 2 : 54 pm I wish that just once in a while they could talk . All the best with Bella ! LikeLike Vernon says : August 27 , 2016 at 5 : 11 am Hi I 'm a passionate Rottweiler owner . I understand your lost with Zelda . When I lost my first Rott name BAR I said I would never own another dog . It took me years to get over him . Today we have our third one name Sebastian . It was my wife first time ever owning a dog . He had anxiety and tried to run our home when we first got him . I never had a crate with my first two dogs so when Nicole said he have to stay in one until we get him trained from chewing everything I wasn 't sure about it . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 27 , 2016 at 8 : 00 am Hi Vernon ! Your comment made me smile first thing this morning ! Yes , Rottweilers have special personalities . I 'm sorry for your loss of BAR . It is so very painful . Congratulations on opening your heart and home to other dogs - they really do make home a better place . For your wife , a first time male Rottweiler is a brave place to start ! According to the breeder we used , the males goes through an ownership phase where they test you to see what they can get away with . Sure , female go through terrible twos , but I guess it doesn 't compare . You mention the nervousness and insecurities - you are spot on with that ! Liezel picks up my emotions in a frighteningly accurate way . If I 'm even feeling a little off , she starts acting nervous . Maybe that 's proof that she was meant to be mine : ) . I really think that most ( if not all ) Rottweilers are big babies ! ! Liezel 's whole issue is fear , she is afraid of strangers . But the people she knows … she will do anything you tell her for a treat , she wants to lick your face and get her belly rubbed . I 'm happy that your wife loves dogs now . Shelby sounds cute - for a little dog - hahaha ! I 'm more of a big dog kinda gal . Ecohug says : September 14 , 2016 at 11 : 35 am Great post , I really enjoyed reading it and wanted to tell you that you are a great dog mom for sticking it out and really working on helping Liezel . I wanted to ask if you tried anything more natural to relieve anxiety , like herbs that are designed to relax the dog ? We had something similar ( not as bad as yours ) with our dog , Maddie , when we brought her home and giving her some herbs really helped her be calm especially in her crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : September 14 , 2016 at 12 : 55 pm Hi ! Thank you for reading about Liezel ! Yes , she gets two Chinese herbs : Shen Calmer and Chai Hu Shu Gan . Both are from our vet . We noticed HUGE improvements once we started the herbs . At one point last winter I took her off of them since she was doing pretty good and we noticed regression in her reactivity . The vet recommended putting her back on them , and again , they brought her back to a calmer , less reactive dog . Reply 200 Saturdays until Paris says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 26 pm I love what a patient and kind person you have been with your baby . I know it has been hard , but I am so happy you didn 't give up . ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 38 pm Thank you ! She she is wonderful in many , many ways . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 20 , 2016 at 5 : 14 am I 'm exhausted reading what you have been through . Also if you need to have break , Liezel should be in good hands with the breeder . I look forward to reading if it gets better for you . Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 21 , 2016 at 5 : 02 am Yes it was long , but it was very thoroughly written . I was hoping desperately that peace and harmony would reign for you , but I had to wait until now to find out . But I am very glad it has gotten better for you . Good on your parents . John Chon says : November 14 , 2016 at 7 : 06 pm Your dog is so cute ! I really liked how thorough you were in this post . I can tell that you love your dog very much . It 's so great to see loving and responsible dog owners out there 🙂 Keep up the great work ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 15 , 2016 at 4 : 43 am Hi John ! Thank you ! We think she 's pretty cute , too . I 'm very glad you enjoyed reading about Liezel . She is doing so much better . LikeLiked by 1 person charlypriest says : November 17 , 2016 at 12 : 58 pm Cute dog , I myself have a recent addition to the family that is called Tina a bulldog of 7 months . What I find fascinating about all this is … . . the dog has a daycarecenter ! That is unheard here in Spain . That dog has better care as a youngster than I did . I 'm actually jealous . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 17 , 2016 at 2 : 34 pm Oh what we do for our pets here … ! Thank you for reading ! Yay for you and Tina ! There is something so wonderful about having a dog . Reply charlypriest says : November 18 , 2016 at 6 : 09 am She does puts me a smile on the face , although she can be a pain in the but quite a lot of times . Specially when she starts eating walls , chairs , sofas , socks , the list goes on . What a stomach this dog has , it 's bullet proof .
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Knowing nothing about blogs or blogging , I had a * great * idea this morning to start my own and write all about my dog . I considered writing a book … but would there be enough to say and would anyone care ? At least this way , I can get it all out in writing , look at what I 've got and see where it goes . We ( my husband and I ) brought home a 7 . 5 week Rottweiler puppy on January 17 , 2014 . We named her Liezel ( sounds like diesel ) , I 'll spare you the long AKC registered name . I was apprehensive because we had just gone though a painful year and a half of caring for a very sick Rottweiler , Zelda . We put her down just before her second birthday in September , 2013 , and it was heartbreaking . Zelda was my first dog , I loved her more than I knew was possible . Getting a new puppy was scary ( what if she 's sick ) and exciting ( puppies are fun and cute ) . My intention for getting a dog was not only companionship but also to compete in dog sports ( obedience , agility ) , ultimately Schutzhund . We were supposed to start puppy classes right away , but Liezel not having her 12 - week shots , I postponed classes until the " next semester " for fear she would get sick . From 8 weeks to 11 weeks , Liezel stayed home . I took a week off of work , my husband took a week off , and my retired parents stayed with her for a week during the day while we worked . Aside from hating the crate she seemed like a perfectly content pup . The neighbors came over to meet her and when she met their Rottweiler , she was in Heaven ! She took to him like he was her best friend . I wondered if she thought " Wow ! Something like me - just bigger . " I remember commenting that the neighbor 's dog looked at me with an expression of " get this mosquito away from me ! " She loved when he came over . During the 8 - to 12 - week age we had major snowfall in Michigan . We had to dig tracks in the yard for Liezel to go potty since the snow was deeper than she was tall . It was very cold and with the snow and salt we did not take her for walks . However , she went to the pet store ( I carried her ) , the vet , and my parents house for small amounts of exposure . I know , I know " 8 - to 12 - weeks is a critical time for socialization ! " My thought process was I would rather delay socialization a few weeks than take the chance of having another sick dog . At eleven weeks , Liezel started daycare . She couldn 't be with the other puppies yet because she still had a week to go for shots , but she was in the office with the employees - and out of the house . The daycare workers pointed out that she really hated being crated ( yep , we know ) . At home or daycare , while crated she would howl and cry to the point of peeing and / or pooping herself . Never was the crate used for punishment . The purpose of crating her was to create her own private space . The idea being she can go to her crate knowing that when there no one will bother her . It 's her " safe place . " In the meantime , until she realized it was her safe - place she would be crated for naps and at night . It got to the point during what should have been nap time ( she 's fallen asleep somewhere and we pick her up and put her in the crate ) she would just cry , scream and howl . I actually called the breeder and ask " what should we do ? ! " Some dogs don 't take to a crate so the advice was to just let her sleep wherever she laid down . She would still have to be crated at night since she wasn 't fully potty trained . I slept on the floor next to her for four weeks , slowly increasing the distance from her until I could get in to bed . Back to daycare , at 13 weeks she started playing with the other dogs ( shots at 12 weeks , then a week to recover ) . She played with the other puppies and came home worn out . For one hour during the day all the dogs are kenneled ( inside ) for a lunch break . Liezel was still getting three meals a day so this was her lunch and nap break . Being in the kennel alone was as bad as being crated . She would pee / poop herself and cry and howl . One day they had to bathe her because she was in such a tither she got poop all over herself . This was causing me to have some anxiety . I have a happy , healthy puppy who does not like to be crated . I start wondering ' how am I ever going to leave the house ? , ' ' how are we ever going to leave her alone ? , ' ' what have I gotten us into ? ' I talked to the trainer once we started puppy classes and she had some tips . 1 ) never let her out of the crate when she 's crying - doing so will teach her that crying gets her released . Um , she cries the whole time she 's in it . 2 ) hit a wall just outside the room where the crate is . It will get her attention and she will stop to listen . At that moment of silence go get her . 3 ) never tell her " good girl " when she 's coming out of the crate - doing so will teach her getting out is the reward . 4 ) do not show excitement when letting her out . Open the door and walk away . Getting out is not fun / exciting ; going in should be . So over the course of the next couple of months we worked on this . The living room crate for naps was removed and the bedroom crate for nighttime was moved from the foot of the bed to my side . The move would allow her to see down the hallway when she was crated when we went out . Here I should interject that " going out " meant running to the grocery store , maybe going out to dinner , or stopping by my parents ( they live two miles away ) . This wasn 't out to dinner , drinks , and a movie - or even an extended family get - together . We were gone an hour or less . When we got home the crate would be covered in drool and she would be panting . Separation anxiety ? Just complete fear of the crate ? What is the problem , here ? At five months old we stopped using the crate all together . She was locked in our bedroom by a baby gate when we went out and this was a much better solution . She was calmer and we found ( via recording ) that she would curl up on the bed and sleep while we were gone . No drooling , panting , or pacing . She also started sleeping with us at night . It seemed a better option than the nighttime crying , panting , drooling , etc . She jumped into bed , curled up , and that was that . We continued with classes . Puppy class was a great success ! She knew sit , down , shake , watch , and touch before class even started ( remember those several weeks she stayed home ? We were teaching her some stuff . ) so she was kinda the star student [ proud smile ] . By the time we got to intermediate / advanced obedience we noticed some undesirable behaviors . Also around this time , the weather had gotten better and we started taking walks where we also observed undesirable behavior . At class she began barking and attempting to run toward ( on leash ) other people . On a walk , once we got about two houses away , she would turn around pulling toward home . Her happy disposition changed to a vigilant , nervous one . If anyone came out and asked to pet her , she would shrink back and avoid being touched . When she was about 6 months old we were on a walk in the neighborhood . Approaching a driveway partially blocked by a Jeep , two remote control cars came toward us . Liezel barked and lunged at them . The cars were being run by two little boys and the adult started screaming , " Get that dog off of my property before I get my f - ing gun and shoot it . " Hmm . This seemed over - the - top . My then 6 - month old puppy , was startled by the things coming at her , and she reacted . The guy went crazy ! I pointed out to him that I was on city property and I had every right to be there . Well his threats continued so I called the police . He too called the police and was yelling " It 's a Rottweiler ! A ROTTWEILER ! " While on the phone with the police his wife approached me saying " Please , just leave . Please . " Another man in his group approached me saying , " Get out of here you bitch ! " The whole thing escalated very quickly and it really shook me and Liezel up . After this episode I became very nervous about walking Liezel . If you know anything about dogs , you know they feed off their owners ' feelings . So I 'm feeding her nervousness and anxiety by being nervous and anxious . Round and round it went . Around this time a few other things happened . We took a day trip to see the breeder and let her see Liezel . When Deb tried to pet Liezel 's head , Liezel back away . Deb asked me " You haven 't hit her have you ? " Nope . We went camping one weekend and Liezel was so frantic and worried she barked the entire time and got to the point of vomiting from nervousness . We actually took her for a car ride hoping 1 ) to calm her down and 2 ) let the other campers have some peace and quiet . She started barking and lunging at all strangers - going into and out of daycare , at agility class , on a walk , etc . All strangers . And she would freak out at the sound of any car door outside , the doorbell ( real or on TV ) , or the neighbors she could see in their house from the backyard . When I say " freaking out " she would jump up , front paws on the front door , scratching , barking , spit flying , hackles up . Most times there was nothing there . Then it would take an hour or more for her to calm down . I spoke with the trainer about all of this . She did not seem very concerned and gave the impression that Liezel could outgrow it . This was insufficient for me . I needed an action plan . We also had a guy out to our house who represented a company that used e - collars . The company came recommended to us by a family member . His presentation and explanation was really off - putting . We didn 't understand the concept and wondered how could we expect Liezel to understand if we didn 't . Additionally , he said " The dog will have to wear a muzzle in order for me to work with her . " I 'm not opposed to using a muzzle , but he made no attempt to interact with Liezel . His idea was put a muzzle on her and an e - collar and get started . Neither my husband nor I got a good feeling about this so the idea was quickly discarded . The third trainer , Lynn , taught me about thresholds . Not letting Liezel get to the point of reacting because once she was over threshold she was unable to learn . I guess it would be like trying to learn a new skill while being chased by a bear ? When something scary is happening to you , you are not in a learning frame of mind . Week after week for several months , Lynn came to our house and worked on keeping Liezel under threshold . Here 's how it started . Liezel was in the bedroom when Lynn arrived . She sat at the kitchen table while I went to get Liezel . Liezel and I came out of the bedroom one step at a time . When Liezel saw Lynn , I was to say " Good girl " give her a treat , and retreat to the bedroom . Her reward for looking and not reacting was getting to leave the scary thing / person . After weeks of this , we moved outside . Lynn would be across the street and I would walk Liezel . When Liezel looked at Lynn she was praised and treated . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the lesson was over . Lynn also gave me instructions on a dog training process that taught the dog to stay on a mat / bed / blanket while things went on around it . So day one you tell the dog " go to your mat " and treat her when she gets on it [ Liezel already knew " go to your bed " so this was not difficult to teach ] . Take one step away from the mat and come back with " good girl " and a treat . This goes on and on for weeks with progressively more difficult things like running around the dog / mat , leaving the room , opening the front door , and ringing the doorbell . When you get through the whole thing , you start all over again in a different room . We went through all of the weeks ( it took twice as long as the plan because you can 't move on to the next day if the dog gets off the mat today ) and then started the whole thing over in the backyard . Also during this time , we hired a stranger to do stranger approaches . I found a local pet walker and paid her to sit at one end of the parking lot of an empty factory building , while we , 500 feet away , tried to approach and stay under threshold . The instructions from Lynn on this exercise was to come out from behind the building and wait for Liezel to see the stranger . Once she did , " good girl " and retreat . Do it again and try to get a foot closer . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the training was over for the day . After a few months we could get about 450 feet away before Liezel reacted . I stopped taking her to agility with our original trainer . Liezel seemed to really like running the agility course , but on the sideline she would panic over the other people and dogs . It came to a point where I decided the fun of the course did not outweigh the stress of the sidelines . We talked with our vet about this , all of this . She had blood sent out to test for thyroid issues and the results came back normal . It was time to try medication . Our vet could not prescribe Prozac so we went to a recommended veterinary behaviorist who did . She put Liezel on 30mg / day . The intention of medication was to calm Liezel enough so we could continue working on training under threshold . We were becoming a bit reclusive . An entire summer went by and we never took our camper out of storage . I was avoiding any talk of vacation because I didn 't know what we would do with her . When she was 14 months old we did go on vacation and left her with our original trainer . I checked in with the trainer everyday but got vague responses . Come to find out , Liezel just paced the whole time we were gone . During said summer when we didn 't camp , I came across a trainer that I had emailed months before but never heard back from . He was a police dog trainer so I assumed my issues with Liezel probably weren 't what he was looking to work with . He had a booth set up at a city festival advertising dog training , specifically aggression . I found my original email to him , forwarded it with a note saying " Hey , just saw you at the festival . Please see my email below from several months ago and let me know if you can help . " Simply , Z says : June 18 , 2016 at 10 : 35 am Interesting thoughts . We had a puppy too but sadly parted with her because of allergies . We found a nice home for her . I could relate to your puppy " hating " her crate . I will definitely refer to your blog when we get a second chance . Keep writing . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 18 , 2016 at 11 : 40 am Thank you ! It 's been hard having a fearful dog but also very rewarding ! I hope my lessons can help some one else . Reply Tim Taylor says : June 19 , 2016 at 9 : 14 am I 've read all your posts and I have to say they are extremely interesting . My favorite breed is a Doberman , next is German Shepard and then Rottweilers . I hate little yappin ' dogs with a passion . I absolutely love Wolves and I almost got one once upon a time . For me , that would have been a dream come true . Keep writin ' , ' cause now I wanna know how Liezel progresses ! I , too , have a pooch who doesn 't like the crate idea . She does the same panting , drooling thing , plus licks her front legs into sopping appendages ! I went for the baby gate idea , as well , because it didn 't make any sense to continue to upset her so badly with the crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 24 , 2016 at 5 : 56 pm Thank you ! And thank you for following me . Liezel has been trying , but when I look into her little brown almond eyes , I know she was meant for me and me for her . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply jay1991katira says : June 28 , 2016 at 1 : 33 am Nice one , You gave me nice snaps of pet . I love dogs . thank you Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 7 , 2016 at 8 : 17 am I love dogs , too ! They 're loyal and loving . I 'm glad you like the pictures ! Reply frankprem says : July 1 , 2016 at 6 : 47 pm Gorgeous looking dog . Best luck with raising her , and much enjoyment . Cheers , Frank Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 18 , 2016 at 2 : 26 pm Thanks , Laura . I need to commit some time to writing . We 've had a house guest for two weeks and she 's exhausting ! Reply Vaibhav says : July 26 , 2016 at 6 : 26 am Hi again , thanks for stopping by . I read this post and have to say this - I 'm not a dog person at all , bit scared actually and love cats . However , Liezel looks so adorable . A missed vacation sounds terrible but am sure this phase will pass . Great blog title - it will go places . Have a nice day . Reply txhomegirl says : July 27 , 2016 at 5 : 00 pm Good blog ! I have to know what happened . I love Rotts . I 've owned two males and now own a female . She is much more skittish than my males were . Reply hadleylovesgus says : August 9 , 2016 at 12 : 36 pm I feel your pain ! We have our little yorkie , Gus , who suffers from fear of strangers as well . We are in the process of working with him now too . Thank you for writing ! I am hopeful to do a similar documentation of our journey as its been a great help to hear of other stories of people like us who are working hard to help a pup in this type of situation . Thank you ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 9 , 2016 at 5 : 42 pm I 'm so happy to be able to share this experience with you ! The anxiety and constant stress of Liezel 's fear has been tiresome . Every little accomplishment is celebrated because we 're that much closer to her being comfortable . Thank you for reading . I look forward to hearing more about Gus . LikeLike Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 10 am What a captivating story . Hats off to you for sticking with Liezel . She is truly lucky to have found you guys . We 're having some issues with our Bella ( nothing as severe as this ) and reading this makes me believe there might be hope yet 🙂 Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 14 am Hi Diya . Thanks for reading about Liezel ! Yes , there is hope ! With a good trainer and a lot of patience , improvement can be made . What is Bella doing ? Is she fearful ? Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 22 am Yes she is . Goes on full alert , growls and barks persistently when someone dares to pass by our front door . Thankfully she doesn 't lunge at anyone and sometimes I think she barks more out of fear than possessiveness of her territory . Part of it may just be us reading the signs wrong . We are first time dog owners and are only fostering her for a few weeks . She seems okay at times and just when we think she has finally acclimatized she starts up again . But she 's a sweetheart and we will be sorry to see her go . owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 2 : 54 pm I wish that just once in a while they could talk . All the best with Bella ! LikeLike Vernon says : August 27 , 2016 at 5 : 11 am Hi I 'm a passionate Rottweiler owner . I understand your lost with Zelda . When I lost my first Rott name BAR I said I would never own another dog . It took me years to get over him . Today we have our third one name Sebastian . It was my wife first time ever owning a dog . He had anxiety and tried to run our home when we first got him . I never had a crate with my first two dogs so when Nicole said he have to stay in one until we get him trained from chewing everything I wasn 't sure about it . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 27 , 2016 at 8 : 00 am Hi Vernon ! Your comment made me smile first thing this morning ! Yes , Rottweilers have special personalities . I 'm sorry for your loss of BAR . It is so very painful . Congratulations on opening your heart and home to other dogs - they really do make home a better place . For your wife , a first time male Rottweiler is a brave place to start ! According to the breeder we used , the males goes through an ownership phase where they test you to see what they can get away with . Sure , female go through terrible twos , but I guess it doesn 't compare . You mention the nervousness and insecurities - you are spot on with that ! Liezel picks up my emotions in a frighteningly accurate way . If I 'm even feeling a little off , she starts acting nervous . Maybe that 's proof that she was meant to be mine : ) . I really think that most ( if not all ) Rottweilers are big babies ! ! Liezel 's whole issue is fear , she is afraid of strangers . But the people she knows … she will do anything you tell her for a treat , she wants to lick your face and get her belly rubbed . I 'm happy that your wife loves dogs now . Shelby sounds cute - for a little dog - hahaha ! I 'm more of a big dog kinda gal . Ecohug says : September 14 , 2016 at 11 : 35 am Great post , I really enjoyed reading it and wanted to tell you that you are a great dog mom for sticking it out and really working on helping Liezel . I wanted to ask if you tried anything more natural to relieve anxiety , like herbs that are designed to relax the dog ? We had something similar ( not as bad as yours ) with our dog , Maddie , when we brought her home and giving her some herbs really helped her be calm especially in her crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : September 14 , 2016 at 12 : 55 pm Hi ! Thank you for reading about Liezel ! Yes , she gets two Chinese herbs : Shen Calmer and Chai Hu Shu Gan . Both are from our vet . We noticed HUGE improvements once we started the herbs . At one point last winter I took her off of them since she was doing pretty good and we noticed regression in her reactivity . The vet recommended putting her back on them , and again , they brought her back to a calmer , less reactive dog . Reply 200 Saturdays until Paris says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 26 pm I love what a patient and kind person you have been with your baby . I know it has been hard , but I am so happy you didn 't give up . ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 38 pm Thank you ! She she is wonderful in many , many ways . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 20 , 2016 at 5 : 14 am I 'm exhausted reading what you have been through . Also if you need to have break , Liezel should be in good hands with the breeder . I look forward to reading if it gets better for you . Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 21 , 2016 at 5 : 02 am Yes it was long , but it was very thoroughly written . I was hoping desperately that peace and harmony would reign for you , but I had to wait until now to find out . But I am very glad it has gotten better for you . Good on your parents . John Chon says : November 14 , 2016 at 7 : 06 pm Your dog is so cute ! I really liked how thorough you were in this post . I can tell that you love your dog very much . It 's so great to see loving and responsible dog owners out there 🙂 Keep up the great work ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 15 , 2016 at 4 : 43 am Hi John ! Thank you ! We think she 's pretty cute , too . I 'm very glad you enjoyed reading about Liezel . She is doing so much better . LikeLiked by 1 person charlypriest says : November 17 , 2016 at 12 : 58 pm Cute dog , I myself have a recent addition to the family that is called Tina a bulldog of 7 months . What I find fascinating about all this is … . . the dog has a daycarecenter ! That is unheard here in Spain . That dog has better care as a youngster than I did . I 'm actually jealous . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 17 , 2016 at 2 : 34 pm Oh what we do for our pets here … ! Thank you for reading ! Yay for you and Tina ! There is something so wonderful about having a dog . Reply charlypriest says : November 18 , 2016 at 6 : 09 am She does puts me a smile on the face , although she can be a pain in the but quite a lot of times . Specially when she starts eating walls , chairs , sofas , socks , the list goes on . What a stomach this dog has , it 's bullet proof .
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Knowing nothing about blogs or blogging , I had a * great * idea this morning to start my own and write all about my dog . I considered writing a book … but would there be enough to say and would anyone care ? At least this way , I can get it all out in writing , look at what I 've got and see where it goes . We ( my husband and I ) brought home a 7 . 5 week Rottweiler puppy on January 17 , 2014 . We named her Liezel ( sounds like diesel ) , I 'll spare you the long AKC registered name . I was apprehensive because we had just gone though a painful year and a half of caring for a very sick Rottweiler , Zelda . We put her down just before her second birthday in September , 2013 , and it was heartbreaking . Zelda was my first dog , I loved her more than I knew was possible . Getting a new puppy was scary ( what if she 's sick ) and exciting ( puppies are fun and cute ) . My intention for getting a dog was not only companionship but also to compete in dog sports ( obedience , agility ) , ultimately Schutzhund . We were supposed to start puppy classes right away , but Liezel not having her 12 - week shots , I postponed classes until the " next semester " for fear she would get sick . From 8 weeks to 11 weeks , Liezel stayed home . I took a week off of work , my husband took a week off , and my retired parents stayed with her for a week during the day while we worked . Aside from hating the crate she seemed like a perfectly content pup . The neighbors came over to meet her and when she met their Rottweiler , she was in Heaven ! She took to him like he was her best friend . I wondered if she thought " Wow ! Something like me - just bigger . " I remember commenting that the neighbor 's dog looked at me with an expression of " get this mosquito away from me ! " She loved when he came over . During the 8 - to 12 - week age we had major snowfall in Michigan . We had to dig tracks in the yard for Liezel to go potty since the snow was deeper than she was tall . It was very cold and with the snow and salt we did not take her for walks . However , she went to the pet store ( I carried her ) , the vet , and my parents house for small amounts of exposure . I know , I know " 8 - to 12 - weeks is a critical time for socialization ! " My thought process was I would rather delay socialization a few weeks than take the chance of having another sick dog . At eleven weeks , Liezel started daycare . She couldn 't be with the other puppies yet because she still had a week to go for shots , but she was in the office with the employees - and out of the house . The daycare workers pointed out that she really hated being crated ( yep , we know ) . At home or daycare , while crated she would howl and cry to the point of peeing and / or pooping herself . Never was the crate used for punishment . The purpose of crating her was to create her own private space . The idea being she can go to her crate knowing that when there no one will bother her . It 's her " safe place . " In the meantime , until she realized it was her safe - place she would be crated for naps and at night . It got to the point during what should have been nap time ( she 's fallen asleep somewhere and we pick her up and put her in the crate ) she would just cry , scream and howl . I actually called the breeder and ask " what should we do ? ! " Some dogs don 't take to a crate so the advice was to just let her sleep wherever she laid down . She would still have to be crated at night since she wasn 't fully potty trained . I slept on the floor next to her for four weeks , slowly increasing the distance from her until I could get in to bed . Back to daycare , at 13 weeks she started playing with the other dogs ( shots at 12 weeks , then a week to recover ) . She played with the other puppies and came home worn out . For one hour during the day all the dogs are kenneled ( inside ) for a lunch break . Liezel was still getting three meals a day so this was her lunch and nap break . Being in the kennel alone was as bad as being crated . She would pee / poop herself and cry and howl . One day they had to bathe her because she was in such a tither she got poop all over herself . This was causing me to have some anxiety . I have a happy , healthy puppy who does not like to be crated . I start wondering ' how am I ever going to leave the house ? , ' ' how are we ever going to leave her alone ? , ' ' what have I gotten us into ? ' I talked to the trainer once we started puppy classes and she had some tips . 1 ) never let her out of the crate when she 's crying - doing so will teach her that crying gets her released . Um , she cries the whole time she 's in it . 2 ) hit a wall just outside the room where the crate is . It will get her attention and she will stop to listen . At that moment of silence go get her . 3 ) never tell her " good girl " when she 's coming out of the crate - doing so will teach her getting out is the reward . 4 ) do not show excitement when letting her out . Open the door and walk away . Getting out is not fun / exciting ; going in should be . So over the course of the next couple of months we worked on this . The living room crate for naps was removed and the bedroom crate for nighttime was moved from the foot of the bed to my side . The move would allow her to see down the hallway when she was crated when we went out . Here I should interject that " going out " meant running to the grocery store , maybe going out to dinner , or stopping by my parents ( they live two miles away ) . This wasn 't out to dinner , drinks , and a movie - or even an extended family get - together . We were gone an hour or less . When we got home the crate would be covered in drool and she would be panting . Separation anxiety ? Just complete fear of the crate ? What is the problem , here ? At five months old we stopped using the crate all together . She was locked in our bedroom by a baby gate when we went out and this was a much better solution . She was calmer and we found ( via recording ) that she would curl up on the bed and sleep while we were gone . No drooling , panting , or pacing . She also started sleeping with us at night . It seemed a better option than the nighttime crying , panting , drooling , etc . She jumped into bed , curled up , and that was that . We continued with classes . Puppy class was a great success ! She knew sit , down , shake , watch , and touch before class even started ( remember those several weeks she stayed home ? We were teaching her some stuff . ) so she was kinda the star student [ proud smile ] . By the time we got to intermediate / advanced obedience we noticed some undesirable behaviors . Also around this time , the weather had gotten better and we started taking walks where we also observed undesirable behavior . At class she began barking and attempting to run toward ( on leash ) other people . On a walk , once we got about two houses away , she would turn around pulling toward home . Her happy disposition changed to a vigilant , nervous one . If anyone came out and asked to pet her , she would shrink back and avoid being touched . When she was about 6 months old we were on a walk in the neighborhood . Approaching a driveway partially blocked by a Jeep , two remote control cars came toward us . Liezel barked and lunged at them . The cars were being run by two little boys and the adult started screaming , " Get that dog off of my property before I get my f - ing gun and shoot it . " Hmm . This seemed over - the - top . My then 6 - month old puppy , was startled by the things coming at her , and she reacted . The guy went crazy ! I pointed out to him that I was on city property and I had every right to be there . Well his threats continued so I called the police . He too called the police and was yelling " It 's a Rottweiler ! A ROTTWEILER ! " While on the phone with the police his wife approached me saying " Please , just leave . Please . " Another man in his group approached me saying , " Get out of here you bitch ! " The whole thing escalated very quickly and it really shook me and Liezel up . After this episode I became very nervous about walking Liezel . If you know anything about dogs , you know they feed off their owners ' feelings . So I 'm feeding her nervousness and anxiety by being nervous and anxious . Round and round it went . Around this time a few other things happened . We took a day trip to see the breeder and let her see Liezel . When Deb tried to pet Liezel 's head , Liezel back away . Deb asked me " You haven 't hit her have you ? " Nope . We went camping one weekend and Liezel was so frantic and worried she barked the entire time and got to the point of vomiting from nervousness . We actually took her for a car ride hoping 1 ) to calm her down and 2 ) let the other campers have some peace and quiet . She started barking and lunging at all strangers - going into and out of daycare , at agility class , on a walk , etc . All strangers . And she would freak out at the sound of any car door outside , the doorbell ( real or on TV ) , or the neighbors she could see in their house from the backyard . When I say " freaking out " she would jump up , front paws on the front door , scratching , barking , spit flying , hackles up . Most times there was nothing there . Then it would take an hour or more for her to calm down . I spoke with the trainer about all of this . She did not seem very concerned and gave the impression that Liezel could outgrow it . This was insufficient for me . I needed an action plan . We also had a guy out to our house who represented a company that used e - collars . The company came recommended to us by a family member . His presentation and explanation was really off - putting . We didn 't understand the concept and wondered how could we expect Liezel to understand if we didn 't . Additionally , he said " The dog will have to wear a muzzle in order for me to work with her . " I 'm not opposed to using a muzzle , but he made no attempt to interact with Liezel . His idea was put a muzzle on her and an e - collar and get started . Neither my husband nor I got a good feeling about this so the idea was quickly discarded . The third trainer , Lynn , taught me about thresholds . Not letting Liezel get to the point of reacting because once she was over threshold she was unable to learn . I guess it would be like trying to learn a new skill while being chased by a bear ? When something scary is happening to you , you are not in a learning frame of mind . Week after week for several months , Lynn came to our house and worked on keeping Liezel under threshold . Here 's how it started . Liezel was in the bedroom when Lynn arrived . She sat at the kitchen table while I went to get Liezel . Liezel and I came out of the bedroom one step at a time . When Liezel saw Lynn , I was to say " Good girl " give her a treat , and retreat to the bedroom . Her reward for looking and not reacting was getting to leave the scary thing / person . After weeks of this , we moved outside . Lynn would be across the street and I would walk Liezel . When Liezel looked at Lynn she was praised and treated . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the lesson was over . Lynn also gave me instructions on a dog training process that taught the dog to stay on a mat / bed / blanket while things went on around it . So day one you tell the dog " go to your mat " and treat her when she gets on it [ Liezel already knew " go to your bed " so this was not difficult to teach ] . Take one step away from the mat and come back with " good girl " and a treat . This goes on and on for weeks with progressively more difficult things like running around the dog / mat , leaving the room , opening the front door , and ringing the doorbell . When you get through the whole thing , you start all over again in a different room . We went through all of the weeks ( it took twice as long as the plan because you can 't move on to the next day if the dog gets off the mat today ) and then started the whole thing over in the backyard . Also during this time , we hired a stranger to do stranger approaches . I found a local pet walker and paid her to sit at one end of the parking lot of an empty factory building , while we , 500 feet away , tried to approach and stay under threshold . The instructions from Lynn on this exercise was to come out from behind the building and wait for Liezel to see the stranger . Once she did , " good girl " and retreat . Do it again and try to get a foot closer . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the training was over for the day . After a few months we could get about 450 feet away before Liezel reacted . I stopped taking her to agility with our original trainer . Liezel seemed to really like running the agility course , but on the sideline she would panic over the other people and dogs . It came to a point where I decided the fun of the course did not outweigh the stress of the sidelines . We talked with our vet about this , all of this . She had blood sent out to test for thyroid issues and the results came back normal . It was time to try medication . Our vet could not prescribe Prozac so we went to a recommended veterinary behaviorist who did . She put Liezel on 30mg / day . The intention of medication was to calm Liezel enough so we could continue working on training under threshold . We were becoming a bit reclusive . An entire summer went by and we never took our camper out of storage . I was avoiding any talk of vacation because I didn 't know what we would do with her . When she was 14 months old we did go on vacation and left her with our original trainer . I checked in with the trainer everyday but got vague responses . Come to find out , Liezel just paced the whole time we were gone . During said summer when we didn 't camp , I came across a trainer that I had emailed months before but never heard back from . He was a police dog trainer so I assumed my issues with Liezel probably weren 't what he was looking to work with . He had a booth set up at a city festival advertising dog training , specifically aggression . I found my original email to him , forwarded it with a note saying " Hey , just saw you at the festival . Please see my email below from several months ago and let me know if you can help . " Simply , Z says : June 18 , 2016 at 10 : 35 am Interesting thoughts . We had a puppy too but sadly parted with her because of allergies . We found a nice home for her . I could relate to your puppy " hating " her crate . I will definitely refer to your blog when we get a second chance . Keep writing . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 18 , 2016 at 11 : 40 am Thank you ! It 's been hard having a fearful dog but also very rewarding ! I hope my lessons can help some one else . Reply Tim Taylor says : June 19 , 2016 at 9 : 14 am I 've read all your posts and I have to say they are extremely interesting . My favorite breed is a Doberman , next is German Shepard and then Rottweilers . I hate little yappin ' dogs with a passion . I absolutely love Wolves and I almost got one once upon a time . For me , that would have been a dream come true . Keep writin ' , ' cause now I wanna know how Liezel progresses ! I , too , have a pooch who doesn 't like the crate idea . She does the same panting , drooling thing , plus licks her front legs into sopping appendages ! I went for the baby gate idea , as well , because it didn 't make any sense to continue to upset her so badly with the crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 24 , 2016 at 5 : 56 pm Thank you ! And thank you for following me . Liezel has been trying , but when I look into her little brown almond eyes , I know she was meant for me and me for her . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply jay1991katira says : June 28 , 2016 at 1 : 33 am Nice one , You gave me nice snaps of pet . I love dogs . thank you Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 7 , 2016 at 8 : 17 am I love dogs , too ! They 're loyal and loving . I 'm glad you like the pictures ! Reply frankprem says : July 1 , 2016 at 6 : 47 pm Gorgeous looking dog . Best luck with raising her , and much enjoyment . Cheers , Frank Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 18 , 2016 at 2 : 26 pm Thanks , Laura . I need to commit some time to writing . We 've had a house guest for two weeks and she 's exhausting ! Reply Vaibhav says : July 26 , 2016 at 6 : 26 am Hi again , thanks for stopping by . I read this post and have to say this - I 'm not a dog person at all , bit scared actually and love cats . However , Liezel looks so adorable . A missed vacation sounds terrible but am sure this phase will pass . Great blog title - it will go places . Have a nice day . Reply txhomegirl says : July 27 , 2016 at 5 : 00 pm Good blog ! I have to know what happened . I love Rotts . I 've owned two males and now own a female . She is much more skittish than my males were . Reply hadleylovesgus says : August 9 , 2016 at 12 : 36 pm I feel your pain ! We have our little yorkie , Gus , who suffers from fear of strangers as well . We are in the process of working with him now too . Thank you for writing ! I am hopeful to do a similar documentation of our journey as its been a great help to hear of other stories of people like us who are working hard to help a pup in this type of situation . Thank you ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 9 , 2016 at 5 : 42 pm I 'm so happy to be able to share this experience with you ! The anxiety and constant stress of Liezel 's fear has been tiresome . Every little accomplishment is celebrated because we 're that much closer to her being comfortable . Thank you for reading . I look forward to hearing more about Gus . LikeLike Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 10 am What a captivating story . Hats off to you for sticking with Liezel . She is truly lucky to have found you guys . We 're having some issues with our Bella ( nothing as severe as this ) and reading this makes me believe there might be hope yet 🙂 Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 14 am Hi Diya . Thanks for reading about Liezel ! Yes , there is hope ! With a good trainer and a lot of patience , improvement can be made . What is Bella doing ? Is she fearful ? Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 22 am Yes she is . Goes on full alert , growls and barks persistently when someone dares to pass by our front door . Thankfully she doesn 't lunge at anyone and sometimes I think she barks more out of fear than possessiveness of her territory . Part of it may just be us reading the signs wrong . We are first time dog owners and are only fostering her for a few weeks . She seems okay at times and just when we think she has finally acclimatized she starts up again . But she 's a sweetheart and we will be sorry to see her go . owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 2 : 54 pm I wish that just once in a while they could talk . All the best with Bella ! LikeLike Vernon says : August 27 , 2016 at 5 : 11 am Hi I 'm a passionate Rottweiler owner . I understand your lost with Zelda . When I lost my first Rott name BAR I said I would never own another dog . It took me years to get over him . Today we have our third one name Sebastian . It was my wife first time ever owning a dog . He had anxiety and tried to run our home when we first got him . I never had a crate with my first two dogs so when Nicole said he have to stay in one until we get him trained from chewing everything I wasn 't sure about it . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 27 , 2016 at 8 : 00 am Hi Vernon ! Your comment made me smile first thing this morning ! Yes , Rottweilers have special personalities . I 'm sorry for your loss of BAR . It is so very painful . Congratulations on opening your heart and home to other dogs - they really do make home a better place . For your wife , a first time male Rottweiler is a brave place to start ! According to the breeder we used , the males goes through an ownership phase where they test you to see what they can get away with . Sure , female go through terrible twos , but I guess it doesn 't compare . You mention the nervousness and insecurities - you are spot on with that ! Liezel picks up my emotions in a frighteningly accurate way . If I 'm even feeling a little off , she starts acting nervous . Maybe that 's proof that she was meant to be mine : ) . I really think that most ( if not all ) Rottweilers are big babies ! ! Liezel 's whole issue is fear , she is afraid of strangers . But the people she knows … she will do anything you tell her for a treat , she wants to lick your face and get her belly rubbed . I 'm happy that your wife loves dogs now . Shelby sounds cute - for a little dog - hahaha ! I 'm more of a big dog kinda gal . Ecohug says : September 14 , 2016 at 11 : 35 am Great post , I really enjoyed reading it and wanted to tell you that you are a great dog mom for sticking it out and really working on helping Liezel . I wanted to ask if you tried anything more natural to relieve anxiety , like herbs that are designed to relax the dog ? We had something similar ( not as bad as yours ) with our dog , Maddie , when we brought her home and giving her some herbs really helped her be calm especially in her crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : September 14 , 2016 at 12 : 55 pm Hi ! Thank you for reading about Liezel ! Yes , she gets two Chinese herbs : Shen Calmer and Chai Hu Shu Gan . Both are from our vet . We noticed HUGE improvements once we started the herbs . At one point last winter I took her off of them since she was doing pretty good and we noticed regression in her reactivity . The vet recommended putting her back on them , and again , they brought her back to a calmer , less reactive dog . Reply 200 Saturdays until Paris says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 26 pm I love what a patient and kind person you have been with your baby . I know it has been hard , but I am so happy you didn 't give up . ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 38 pm Thank you ! She she is wonderful in many , many ways . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 20 , 2016 at 5 : 14 am I 'm exhausted reading what you have been through . Also if you need to have break , Liezel should be in good hands with the breeder . I look forward to reading if it gets better for you . Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 21 , 2016 at 5 : 02 am Yes it was long , but it was very thoroughly written . I was hoping desperately that peace and harmony would reign for you , but I had to wait until now to find out . But I am very glad it has gotten better for you . Good on your parents . John Chon says : November 14 , 2016 at 7 : 06 pm Your dog is so cute ! I really liked how thorough you were in this post . I can tell that you love your dog very much . It 's so great to see loving and responsible dog owners out there 🙂 Keep up the great work ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 15 , 2016 at 4 : 43 am Hi John ! Thank you ! We think she 's pretty cute , too . I 'm very glad you enjoyed reading about Liezel . She is doing so much better . LikeLiked by 1 person charlypriest says : November 17 , 2016 at 12 : 58 pm Cute dog , I myself have a recent addition to the family that is called Tina a bulldog of 7 months . What I find fascinating about all this is … . . the dog has a daycarecenter ! That is unheard here in Spain . That dog has better care as a youngster than I did . I 'm actually jealous . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 17 , 2016 at 2 : 34 pm Oh what we do for our pets here … ! Thank you for reading ! Yay for you and Tina ! There is something so wonderful about having a dog . Reply charlypriest says : November 18 , 2016 at 6 : 09 am She does puts me a smile on the face , although she can be a pain in the but quite a lot of times . Specially when she starts eating walls , chairs , sofas , socks , the list goes on . What a stomach this dog has , it 's bullet proof .
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Knowing nothing about blogs or blogging , I had a * great * idea this morning to start my own and write all about my dog . I considered writing a book … but would there be enough to say and would anyone care ? At least this way , I can get it all out in writing , look at what I 've got and see where it goes . We ( my husband and I ) brought home a 7 . 5 week Rottweiler puppy on January 17 , 2014 . We named her Liezel ( sounds like diesel ) , I 'll spare you the long AKC registered name . I was apprehensive because we had just gone though a painful year and a half of caring for a very sick Rottweiler , Zelda . We put her down just before her second birthday in September , 2013 , and it was heartbreaking . Zelda was my first dog , I loved her more than I knew was possible . Getting a new puppy was scary ( what if she 's sick ) and exciting ( puppies are fun and cute ) . My intention for getting a dog was not only companionship but also to compete in dog sports ( obedience , agility ) , ultimately Schutzhund . We were supposed to start puppy classes right away , but Liezel not having her 12 - week shots , I postponed classes until the " next semester " for fear she would get sick . From 8 weeks to 11 weeks , Liezel stayed home . I took a week off of work , my husband took a week off , and my retired parents stayed with her for a week during the day while we worked . Aside from hating the crate she seemed like a perfectly content pup . The neighbors came over to meet her and when she met their Rottweiler , she was in Heaven ! She took to him like he was her best friend . I wondered if she thought " Wow ! Something like me - just bigger . " I remember commenting that the neighbor 's dog looked at me with an expression of " get this mosquito away from me ! " She loved when he came over . During the 8 - to 12 - week age we had major snowfall in Michigan . We had to dig tracks in the yard for Liezel to go potty since the snow was deeper than she was tall . It was very cold and with the snow and salt we did not take her for walks . However , she went to the pet store ( I carried her ) , the vet , and my parents house for small amounts of exposure . I know , I know " 8 - to 12 - weeks is a critical time for socialization ! " My thought process was I would rather delay socialization a few weeks than take the chance of having another sick dog . At eleven weeks , Liezel started daycare . She couldn 't be with the other puppies yet because she still had a week to go for shots , but she was in the office with the employees - and out of the house . The daycare workers pointed out that she really hated being crated ( yep , we know ) . At home or daycare , while crated she would howl and cry to the point of peeing and / or pooping herself . Never was the crate used for punishment . The purpose of crating her was to create her own private space . The idea being she can go to her crate knowing that when there no one will bother her . It 's her " safe place . " In the meantime , until she realized it was her safe - place she would be crated for naps and at night . It got to the point during what should have been nap time ( she 's fallen asleep somewhere and we pick her up and put her in the crate ) she would just cry , scream and howl . I actually called the breeder and ask " what should we do ? ! " Some dogs don 't take to a crate so the advice was to just let her sleep wherever she laid down . She would still have to be crated at night since she wasn 't fully potty trained . I slept on the floor next to her for four weeks , slowly increasing the distance from her until I could get in to bed . Back to daycare , at 13 weeks she started playing with the other dogs ( shots at 12 weeks , then a week to recover ) . She played with the other puppies and came home worn out . For one hour during the day all the dogs are kenneled ( inside ) for a lunch break . Liezel was still getting three meals a day so this was her lunch and nap break . Being in the kennel alone was as bad as being crated . She would pee / poop herself and cry and howl . One day they had to bathe her because she was in such a tither she got poop all over herself . This was causing me to have some anxiety . I have a happy , healthy puppy who does not like to be crated . I start wondering ' how am I ever going to leave the house ? , ' ' how are we ever going to leave her alone ? , ' ' what have I gotten us into ? ' I talked to the trainer once we started puppy classes and she had some tips . 1 ) never let her out of the crate when she 's crying - doing so will teach her that crying gets her released . Um , she cries the whole time she 's in it . 2 ) hit a wall just outside the room where the crate is . It will get her attention and she will stop to listen . At that moment of silence go get her . 3 ) never tell her " good girl " when she 's coming out of the crate - doing so will teach her getting out is the reward . 4 ) do not show excitement when letting her out . Open the door and walk away . Getting out is not fun / exciting ; going in should be . So over the course of the next couple of months we worked on this . The living room crate for naps was removed and the bedroom crate for nighttime was moved from the foot of the bed to my side . The move would allow her to see down the hallway when she was crated when we went out . Here I should interject that " going out " meant running to the grocery store , maybe going out to dinner , or stopping by my parents ( they live two miles away ) . This wasn 't out to dinner , drinks , and a movie - or even an extended family get - together . We were gone an hour or less . When we got home the crate would be covered in drool and she would be panting . Separation anxiety ? Just complete fear of the crate ? What is the problem , here ? At five months old we stopped using the crate all together . She was locked in our bedroom by a baby gate when we went out and this was a much better solution . She was calmer and we found ( via recording ) that she would curl up on the bed and sleep while we were gone . No drooling , panting , or pacing . She also started sleeping with us at night . It seemed a better option than the nighttime crying , panting , drooling , etc . She jumped into bed , curled up , and that was that . We continued with classes . Puppy class was a great success ! She knew sit , down , shake , watch , and touch before class even started ( remember those several weeks she stayed home ? We were teaching her some stuff . ) so she was kinda the star student [ proud smile ] . By the time we got to intermediate / advanced obedience we noticed some undesirable behaviors . Also around this time , the weather had gotten better and we started taking walks where we also observed undesirable behavior . At class she began barking and attempting to run toward ( on leash ) other people . On a walk , once we got about two houses away , she would turn around pulling toward home . Her happy disposition changed to a vigilant , nervous one . If anyone came out and asked to pet her , she would shrink back and avoid being touched . When she was about 6 months old we were on a walk in the neighborhood . Approaching a driveway partially blocked by a Jeep , two remote control cars came toward us . Liezel barked and lunged at them . The cars were being run by two little boys and the adult started screaming , " Get that dog off of my property before I get my f - ing gun and shoot it . " Hmm . This seemed over - the - top . My then 6 - month old puppy , was startled by the things coming at her , and she reacted . The guy went crazy ! I pointed out to him that I was on city property and I had every right to be there . Well his threats continued so I called the police . He too called the police and was yelling " It 's a Rottweiler ! A ROTTWEILER ! " While on the phone with the police his wife approached me saying " Please , just leave . Please . " Another man in his group approached me saying , " Get out of here you bitch ! " The whole thing escalated very quickly and it really shook me and Liezel up . After this episode I became very nervous about walking Liezel . If you know anything about dogs , you know they feed off their owners ' feelings . So I 'm feeding her nervousness and anxiety by being nervous and anxious . Round and round it went . Around this time a few other things happened . We took a day trip to see the breeder and let her see Liezel . When Deb tried to pet Liezel 's head , Liezel back away . Deb asked me " You haven 't hit her have you ? " Nope . We went camping one weekend and Liezel was so frantic and worried she barked the entire time and got to the point of vomiting from nervousness . We actually took her for a car ride hoping 1 ) to calm her down and 2 ) let the other campers have some peace and quiet . She started barking and lunging at all strangers - going into and out of daycare , at agility class , on a walk , etc . All strangers . And she would freak out at the sound of any car door outside , the doorbell ( real or on TV ) , or the neighbors she could see in their house from the backyard . When I say " freaking out " she would jump up , front paws on the front door , scratching , barking , spit flying , hackles up . Most times there was nothing there . Then it would take an hour or more for her to calm down . I spoke with the trainer about all of this . She did not seem very concerned and gave the impression that Liezel could outgrow it . This was insufficient for me . I needed an action plan . We also had a guy out to our house who represented a company that used e - collars . The company came recommended to us by a family member . His presentation and explanation was really off - putting . We didn 't understand the concept and wondered how could we expect Liezel to understand if we didn 't . Additionally , he said " The dog will have to wear a muzzle in order for me to work with her . " I 'm not opposed to using a muzzle , but he made no attempt to interact with Liezel . His idea was put a muzzle on her and an e - collar and get started . Neither my husband nor I got a good feeling about this so the idea was quickly discarded . The third trainer , Lynn , taught me about thresholds . Not letting Liezel get to the point of reacting because once she was over threshold she was unable to learn . I guess it would be like trying to learn a new skill while being chased by a bear ? When something scary is happening to you , you are not in a learning frame of mind . Week after week for several months , Lynn came to our house and worked on keeping Liezel under threshold . Here 's how it started . Liezel was in the bedroom when Lynn arrived . She sat at the kitchen table while I went to get Liezel . Liezel and I came out of the bedroom one step at a time . When Liezel saw Lynn , I was to say " Good girl " give her a treat , and retreat to the bedroom . Her reward for looking and not reacting was getting to leave the scary thing / person . After weeks of this , we moved outside . Lynn would be across the street and I would walk Liezel . When Liezel looked at Lynn she was praised and treated . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the lesson was over . Lynn also gave me instructions on a dog training process that taught the dog to stay on a mat / bed / blanket while things went on around it . So day one you tell the dog " go to your mat " and treat her when she gets on it [ Liezel already knew " go to your bed " so this was not difficult to teach ] . Take one step away from the mat and come back with " good girl " and a treat . This goes on and on for weeks with progressively more difficult things like running around the dog / mat , leaving the room , opening the front door , and ringing the doorbell . When you get through the whole thing , you start all over again in a different room . We went through all of the weeks ( it took twice as long as the plan because you can 't move on to the next day if the dog gets off the mat today ) and then started the whole thing over in the backyard . Also during this time , we hired a stranger to do stranger approaches . I found a local pet walker and paid her to sit at one end of the parking lot of an empty factory building , while we , 500 feet away , tried to approach and stay under threshold . The instructions from Lynn on this exercise was to come out from behind the building and wait for Liezel to see the stranger . Once she did , " good girl " and retreat . Do it again and try to get a foot closer . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the training was over for the day . After a few months we could get about 450 feet away before Liezel reacted . I stopped taking her to agility with our original trainer . Liezel seemed to really like running the agility course , but on the sideline she would panic over the other people and dogs . It came to a point where I decided the fun of the course did not outweigh the stress of the sidelines . We talked with our vet about this , all of this . She had blood sent out to test for thyroid issues and the results came back normal . It was time to try medication . Our vet could not prescribe Prozac so we went to a recommended veterinary behaviorist who did . She put Liezel on 30mg / day . The intention of medication was to calm Liezel enough so we could continue working on training under threshold . We were becoming a bit reclusive . An entire summer went by and we never took our camper out of storage . I was avoiding any talk of vacation because I didn 't know what we would do with her . When she was 14 months old we did go on vacation and left her with our original trainer . I checked in with the trainer everyday but got vague responses . Come to find out , Liezel just paced the whole time we were gone . During said summer when we didn 't camp , I came across a trainer that I had emailed months before but never heard back from . He was a police dog trainer so I assumed my issues with Liezel probably weren 't what he was looking to work with . He had a booth set up at a city festival advertising dog training , specifically aggression . I found my original email to him , forwarded it with a note saying " Hey , just saw you at the festival . Please see my email below from several months ago and let me know if you can help . " Simply , Z says : June 18 , 2016 at 10 : 35 am Interesting thoughts . We had a puppy too but sadly parted with her because of allergies . We found a nice home for her . I could relate to your puppy " hating " her crate . I will definitely refer to your blog when we get a second chance . Keep writing . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 18 , 2016 at 11 : 40 am Thank you ! It 's been hard having a fearful dog but also very rewarding ! I hope my lessons can help some one else . Reply Tim Taylor says : June 19 , 2016 at 9 : 14 am I 've read all your posts and I have to say they are extremely interesting . My favorite breed is a Doberman , next is German Shepard and then Rottweilers . I hate little yappin ' dogs with a passion . I absolutely love Wolves and I almost got one once upon a time . For me , that would have been a dream come true . Keep writin ' , ' cause now I wanna know how Liezel progresses ! I , too , have a pooch who doesn 't like the crate idea . She does the same panting , drooling thing , plus licks her front legs into sopping appendages ! I went for the baby gate idea , as well , because it didn 't make any sense to continue to upset her so badly with the crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 24 , 2016 at 5 : 56 pm Thank you ! And thank you for following me . Liezel has been trying , but when I look into her little brown almond eyes , I know she was meant for me and me for her . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply jay1991katira says : June 28 , 2016 at 1 : 33 am Nice one , You gave me nice snaps of pet . I love dogs . thank you Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 7 , 2016 at 8 : 17 am I love dogs , too ! They 're loyal and loving . I 'm glad you like the pictures ! Reply frankprem says : July 1 , 2016 at 6 : 47 pm Gorgeous looking dog . Best luck with raising her , and much enjoyment . Cheers , Frank Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 18 , 2016 at 2 : 26 pm Thanks , Laura . I need to commit some time to writing . We 've had a house guest for two weeks and she 's exhausting ! Reply Vaibhav says : July 26 , 2016 at 6 : 26 am Hi again , thanks for stopping by . I read this post and have to say this - I 'm not a dog person at all , bit scared actually and love cats . However , Liezel looks so adorable . A missed vacation sounds terrible but am sure this phase will pass . Great blog title - it will go places . Have a nice day . Reply txhomegirl says : July 27 , 2016 at 5 : 00 pm Good blog ! I have to know what happened . I love Rotts . I 've owned two males and now own a female . She is much more skittish than my males were . Reply hadleylovesgus says : August 9 , 2016 at 12 : 36 pm I feel your pain ! We have our little yorkie , Gus , who suffers from fear of strangers as well . We are in the process of working with him now too . Thank you for writing ! I am hopeful to do a similar documentation of our journey as its been a great help to hear of other stories of people like us who are working hard to help a pup in this type of situation . Thank you ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 9 , 2016 at 5 : 42 pm I 'm so happy to be able to share this experience with you ! The anxiety and constant stress of Liezel 's fear has been tiresome . Every little accomplishment is celebrated because we 're that much closer to her being comfortable . Thank you for reading . I look forward to hearing more about Gus . LikeLike Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 10 am What a captivating story . Hats off to you for sticking with Liezel . She is truly lucky to have found you guys . We 're having some issues with our Bella ( nothing as severe as this ) and reading this makes me believe there might be hope yet 🙂 Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 14 am Hi Diya . Thanks for reading about Liezel ! Yes , there is hope ! With a good trainer and a lot of patience , improvement can be made . What is Bella doing ? Is she fearful ? Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 22 am Yes she is . Goes on full alert , growls and barks persistently when someone dares to pass by our front door . Thankfully she doesn 't lunge at anyone and sometimes I think she barks more out of fear than possessiveness of her territory . Part of it may just be us reading the signs wrong . We are first time dog owners and are only fostering her for a few weeks . She seems okay at times and just when we think she has finally acclimatized she starts up again . But she 's a sweetheart and we will be sorry to see her go . owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 2 : 54 pm I wish that just once in a while they could talk . All the best with Bella ! LikeLike Vernon says : August 27 , 2016 at 5 : 11 am Hi I 'm a passionate Rottweiler owner . I understand your lost with Zelda . When I lost my first Rott name BAR I said I would never own another dog . It took me years to get over him . Today we have our third one name Sebastian . It was my wife first time ever owning a dog . He had anxiety and tried to run our home when we first got him . I never had a crate with my first two dogs so when Nicole said he have to stay in one until we get him trained from chewing everything I wasn 't sure about it . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 27 , 2016 at 8 : 00 am Hi Vernon ! Your comment made me smile first thing this morning ! Yes , Rottweilers have special personalities . I 'm sorry for your loss of BAR . It is so very painful . Congratulations on opening your heart and home to other dogs - they really do make home a better place . For your wife , a first time male Rottweiler is a brave place to start ! According to the breeder we used , the males goes through an ownership phase where they test you to see what they can get away with . Sure , female go through terrible twos , but I guess it doesn 't compare . You mention the nervousness and insecurities - you are spot on with that ! Liezel picks up my emotions in a frighteningly accurate way . If I 'm even feeling a little off , she starts acting nervous . Maybe that 's proof that she was meant to be mine : ) . I really think that most ( if not all ) Rottweilers are big babies ! ! Liezel 's whole issue is fear , she is afraid of strangers . But the people she knows … she will do anything you tell her for a treat , she wants to lick your face and get her belly rubbed . I 'm happy that your wife loves dogs now . Shelby sounds cute - for a little dog - hahaha ! I 'm more of a big dog kinda gal . Ecohug says : September 14 , 2016 at 11 : 35 am Great post , I really enjoyed reading it and wanted to tell you that you are a great dog mom for sticking it out and really working on helping Liezel . I wanted to ask if you tried anything more natural to relieve anxiety , like herbs that are designed to relax the dog ? We had something similar ( not as bad as yours ) with our dog , Maddie , when we brought her home and giving her some herbs really helped her be calm especially in her crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : September 14 , 2016 at 12 : 55 pm Hi ! Thank you for reading about Liezel ! Yes , she gets two Chinese herbs : Shen Calmer and Chai Hu Shu Gan . Both are from our vet . We noticed HUGE improvements once we started the herbs . At one point last winter I took her off of them since she was doing pretty good and we noticed regression in her reactivity . The vet recommended putting her back on them , and again , they brought her back to a calmer , less reactive dog . Reply 200 Saturdays until Paris says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 26 pm I love what a patient and kind person you have been with your baby . I know it has been hard , but I am so happy you didn 't give up . ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 38 pm Thank you ! She she is wonderful in many , many ways . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 20 , 2016 at 5 : 14 am I 'm exhausted reading what you have been through . Also if you need to have break , Liezel should be in good hands with the breeder . I look forward to reading if it gets better for you . Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 21 , 2016 at 5 : 02 am Yes it was long , but it was very thoroughly written . I was hoping desperately that peace and harmony would reign for you , but I had to wait until now to find out . But I am very glad it has gotten better for you . Good on your parents . John Chon says : November 14 , 2016 at 7 : 06 pm Your dog is so cute ! I really liked how thorough you were in this post . I can tell that you love your dog very much . It 's so great to see loving and responsible dog owners out there 🙂 Keep up the great work ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 15 , 2016 at 4 : 43 am Hi John ! Thank you ! We think she 's pretty cute , too . I 'm very glad you enjoyed reading about Liezel . She is doing so much better . LikeLiked by 1 person charlypriest says : November 17 , 2016 at 12 : 58 pm Cute dog , I myself have a recent addition to the family that is called Tina a bulldog of 7 months . What I find fascinating about all this is … . . the dog has a daycarecenter ! That is unheard here in Spain . That dog has better care as a youngster than I did . I 'm actually jealous . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 17 , 2016 at 2 : 34 pm Oh what we do for our pets here … ! Thank you for reading ! Yay for you and Tina ! There is something so wonderful about having a dog . Reply charlypriest says : November 18 , 2016 at 6 : 09 am She does puts me a smile on the face , although she can be a pain in the but quite a lot of times . Specially when she starts eating walls , chairs , sofas , socks , the list goes on . What a stomach this dog has , it 's bullet proof .
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Knowing nothing about blogs or blogging , I had a * great * idea this morning to start my own and write all about my dog . I considered writing a book … but would there be enough to say and would anyone care ? At least this way , I can get it all out in writing , look at what I 've got and see where it goes . We ( my husband and I ) brought home a 7 . 5 week Rottweiler puppy on January 17 , 2014 . We named her Liezel ( sounds like diesel ) , I 'll spare you the long AKC registered name . I was apprehensive because we had just gone though a painful year and a half of caring for a very sick Rottweiler , Zelda . We put her down just before her second birthday in September , 2013 , and it was heartbreaking . Zelda was my first dog , I loved her more than I knew was possible . Getting a new puppy was scary ( what if she 's sick ) and exciting ( puppies are fun and cute ) . My intention for getting a dog was not only companionship but also to compete in dog sports ( obedience , agility ) , ultimately Schutzhund . We were supposed to start puppy classes right away , but Liezel not having her 12 - week shots , I postponed classes until the " next semester " for fear she would get sick . From 8 weeks to 11 weeks , Liezel stayed home . I took a week off of work , my husband took a week off , and my retired parents stayed with her for a week during the day while we worked . Aside from hating the crate she seemed like a perfectly content pup . The neighbors came over to meet her and when she met their Rottweiler , she was in Heaven ! She took to him like he was her best friend . I wondered if she thought " Wow ! Something like me - just bigger . " I remember commenting that the neighbor 's dog looked at me with an expression of " get this mosquito away from me ! " She loved when he came over . During the 8 - to 12 - week age we had major snowfall in Michigan . We had to dig tracks in the yard for Liezel to go potty since the snow was deeper than she was tall . It was very cold and with the snow and salt we did not take her for walks . However , she went to the pet store ( I carried her ) , the vet , and my parents house for small amounts of exposure . I know , I know " 8 - to 12 - weeks is a critical time for socialization ! " My thought process was I would rather delay socialization a few weeks than take the chance of having another sick dog . At eleven weeks , Liezel started daycare . She couldn 't be with the other puppies yet because she still had a week to go for shots , but she was in the office with the employees - and out of the house . The daycare workers pointed out that she really hated being crated ( yep , we know ) . At home or daycare , while crated she would howl and cry to the point of peeing and / or pooping herself . Never was the crate used for punishment . The purpose of crating her was to create her own private space . The idea being she can go to her crate knowing that when there no one will bother her . It 's her " safe place . " In the meantime , until she realized it was her safe - place she would be crated for naps and at night . It got to the point during what should have been nap time ( she 's fallen asleep somewhere and we pick her up and put her in the crate ) she would just cry , scream and howl . I actually called the breeder and ask " what should we do ? ! " Some dogs don 't take to a crate so the advice was to just let her sleep wherever she laid down . She would still have to be crated at night since she wasn 't fully potty trained . I slept on the floor next to her for four weeks , slowly increasing the distance from her until I could get in to bed . Back to daycare , at 13 weeks she started playing with the other dogs ( shots at 12 weeks , then a week to recover ) . She played with the other puppies and came home worn out . For one hour during the day all the dogs are kenneled ( inside ) for a lunch break . Liezel was still getting three meals a day so this was her lunch and nap break . Being in the kennel alone was as bad as being crated . She would pee / poop herself and cry and howl . One day they had to bathe her because she was in such a tither she got poop all over herself . This was causing me to have some anxiety . I have a happy , healthy puppy who does not like to be crated . I start wondering ' how am I ever going to leave the house ? , ' ' how are we ever going to leave her alone ? , ' ' what have I gotten us into ? ' I talked to the trainer once we started puppy classes and she had some tips . 1 ) never let her out of the crate when she 's crying - doing so will teach her that crying gets her released . Um , she cries the whole time she 's in it . 2 ) hit a wall just outside the room where the crate is . It will get her attention and she will stop to listen . At that moment of silence go get her . 3 ) never tell her " good girl " when she 's coming out of the crate - doing so will teach her getting out is the reward . 4 ) do not show excitement when letting her out . Open the door and walk away . Getting out is not fun / exciting ; going in should be . So over the course of the next couple of months we worked on this . The living room crate for naps was removed and the bedroom crate for nighttime was moved from the foot of the bed to my side . The move would allow her to see down the hallway when she was crated when we went out . Here I should interject that " going out " meant running to the grocery store , maybe going out to dinner , or stopping by my parents ( they live two miles away ) . This wasn 't out to dinner , drinks , and a movie - or even an extended family get - together . We were gone an hour or less . When we got home the crate would be covered in drool and she would be panting . Separation anxiety ? Just complete fear of the crate ? What is the problem , here ? At five months old we stopped using the crate all together . She was locked in our bedroom by a baby gate when we went out and this was a much better solution . She was calmer and we found ( via recording ) that she would curl up on the bed and sleep while we were gone . No drooling , panting , or pacing . She also started sleeping with us at night . It seemed a better option than the nighttime crying , panting , drooling , etc . She jumped into bed , curled up , and that was that . We continued with classes . Puppy class was a great success ! She knew sit , down , shake , watch , and touch before class even started ( remember those several weeks she stayed home ? We were teaching her some stuff . ) so she was kinda the star student [ proud smile ] . By the time we got to intermediate / advanced obedience we noticed some undesirable behaviors . Also around this time , the weather had gotten better and we started taking walks where we also observed undesirable behavior . At class she began barking and attempting to run toward ( on leash ) other people . On a walk , once we got about two houses away , she would turn around pulling toward home . Her happy disposition changed to a vigilant , nervous one . If anyone came out and asked to pet her , she would shrink back and avoid being touched . When she was about 6 months old we were on a walk in the neighborhood . Approaching a driveway partially blocked by a Jeep , two remote control cars came toward us . Liezel barked and lunged at them . The cars were being run by two little boys and the adult started screaming , " Get that dog off of my property before I get my f - ing gun and shoot it . " Hmm . This seemed over - the - top . My then 6 - month old puppy , was startled by the things coming at her , and she reacted . The guy went crazy ! I pointed out to him that I was on city property and I had every right to be there . Well his threats continued so I called the police . He too called the police and was yelling " It 's a Rottweiler ! A ROTTWEILER ! " While on the phone with the police his wife approached me saying " Please , just leave . Please . " Another man in his group approached me saying , " Get out of here you bitch ! " The whole thing escalated very quickly and it really shook me and Liezel up . After this episode I became very nervous about walking Liezel . If you know anything about dogs , you know they feed off their owners ' feelings . So I 'm feeding her nervousness and anxiety by being nervous and anxious . Round and round it went . Around this time a few other things happened . We took a day trip to see the breeder and let her see Liezel . When Deb tried to pet Liezel 's head , Liezel back away . Deb asked me " You haven 't hit her have you ? " Nope . We went camping one weekend and Liezel was so frantic and worried she barked the entire time and got to the point of vomiting from nervousness . We actually took her for a car ride hoping 1 ) to calm her down and 2 ) let the other campers have some peace and quiet . She started barking and lunging at all strangers - going into and out of daycare , at agility class , on a walk , etc . All strangers . And she would freak out at the sound of any car door outside , the doorbell ( real or on TV ) , or the neighbors she could see in their house from the backyard . When I say " freaking out " she would jump up , front paws on the front door , scratching , barking , spit flying , hackles up . Most times there was nothing there . Then it would take an hour or more for her to calm down . I spoke with the trainer about all of this . She did not seem very concerned and gave the impression that Liezel could outgrow it . This was insufficient for me . I needed an action plan . We also had a guy out to our house who represented a company that used e - collars . The company came recommended to us by a family member . His presentation and explanation was really off - putting . We didn 't understand the concept and wondered how could we expect Liezel to understand if we didn 't . Additionally , he said " The dog will have to wear a muzzle in order for me to work with her . " I 'm not opposed to using a muzzle , but he made no attempt to interact with Liezel . His idea was put a muzzle on her and an e - collar and get started . Neither my husband nor I got a good feeling about this so the idea was quickly discarded . The third trainer , Lynn , taught me about thresholds . Not letting Liezel get to the point of reacting because once she was over threshold she was unable to learn . I guess it would be like trying to learn a new skill while being chased by a bear ? When something scary is happening to you , you are not in a learning frame of mind . Week after week for several months , Lynn came to our house and worked on keeping Liezel under threshold . Here 's how it started . Liezel was in the bedroom when Lynn arrived . She sat at the kitchen table while I went to get Liezel . Liezel and I came out of the bedroom one step at a time . When Liezel saw Lynn , I was to say " Good girl " give her a treat , and retreat to the bedroom . Her reward for looking and not reacting was getting to leave the scary thing / person . After weeks of this , we moved outside . Lynn would be across the street and I would walk Liezel . When Liezel looked at Lynn she was praised and treated . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the lesson was over . Lynn also gave me instructions on a dog training process that taught the dog to stay on a mat / bed / blanket while things went on around it . So day one you tell the dog " go to your mat " and treat her when she gets on it [ Liezel already knew " go to your bed " so this was not difficult to teach ] . Take one step away from the mat and come back with " good girl " and a treat . This goes on and on for weeks with progressively more difficult things like running around the dog / mat , leaving the room , opening the front door , and ringing the doorbell . When you get through the whole thing , you start all over again in a different room . We went through all of the weeks ( it took twice as long as the plan because you can 't move on to the next day if the dog gets off the mat today ) and then started the whole thing over in the backyard . Also during this time , we hired a stranger to do stranger approaches . I found a local pet walker and paid her to sit at one end of the parking lot of an empty factory building , while we , 500 feet away , tried to approach and stay under threshold . The instructions from Lynn on this exercise was to come out from behind the building and wait for Liezel to see the stranger . Once she did , " good girl " and retreat . Do it again and try to get a foot closer . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the training was over for the day . After a few months we could get about 450 feet away before Liezel reacted . I stopped taking her to agility with our original trainer . Liezel seemed to really like running the agility course , but on the sideline she would panic over the other people and dogs . It came to a point where I decided the fun of the course did not outweigh the stress of the sidelines . We talked with our vet about this , all of this . She had blood sent out to test for thyroid issues and the results came back normal . It was time to try medication . Our vet could not prescribe Prozac so we went to a recommended veterinary behaviorist who did . She put Liezel on 30mg / day . The intention of medication was to calm Liezel enough so we could continue working on training under threshold . We were becoming a bit reclusive . An entire summer went by and we never took our camper out of storage . I was avoiding any talk of vacation because I didn 't know what we would do with her . When she was 14 months old we did go on vacation and left her with our original trainer . I checked in with the trainer everyday but got vague responses . Come to find out , Liezel just paced the whole time we were gone . During said summer when we didn 't camp , I came across a trainer that I had emailed months before but never heard back from . He was a police dog trainer so I assumed my issues with Liezel probably weren 't what he was looking to work with . He had a booth set up at a city festival advertising dog training , specifically aggression . I found my original email to him , forwarded it with a note saying " Hey , just saw you at the festival . Please see my email below from several months ago and let me know if you can help . " Simply , Z says : June 18 , 2016 at 10 : 35 am Interesting thoughts . We had a puppy too but sadly parted with her because of allergies . We found a nice home for her . I could relate to your puppy " hating " her crate . I will definitely refer to your blog when we get a second chance . Keep writing . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 18 , 2016 at 11 : 40 am Thank you ! It 's been hard having a fearful dog but also very rewarding ! I hope my lessons can help some one else . Reply Tim Taylor says : June 19 , 2016 at 9 : 14 am I 've read all your posts and I have to say they are extremely interesting . My favorite breed is a Doberman , next is German Shepard and then Rottweilers . I hate little yappin ' dogs with a passion . I absolutely love Wolves and I almost got one once upon a time . For me , that would have been a dream come true . Keep writin ' , ' cause now I wanna know how Liezel progresses ! I , too , have a pooch who doesn 't like the crate idea . She does the same panting , drooling thing , plus licks her front legs into sopping appendages ! I went for the baby gate idea , as well , because it didn 't make any sense to continue to upset her so badly with the crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 24 , 2016 at 5 : 56 pm Thank you ! And thank you for following me . Liezel has been trying , but when I look into her little brown almond eyes , I know she was meant for me and me for her . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply jay1991katira says : June 28 , 2016 at 1 : 33 am Nice one , You gave me nice snaps of pet . I love dogs . thank you Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 7 , 2016 at 8 : 17 am I love dogs , too ! They 're loyal and loving . I 'm glad you like the pictures ! Reply frankprem says : July 1 , 2016 at 6 : 47 pm Gorgeous looking dog . Best luck with raising her , and much enjoyment . Cheers , Frank Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 18 , 2016 at 2 : 26 pm Thanks , Laura . I need to commit some time to writing . We 've had a house guest for two weeks and she 's exhausting ! Reply Vaibhav says : July 26 , 2016 at 6 : 26 am Hi again , thanks for stopping by . I read this post and have to say this - I 'm not a dog person at all , bit scared actually and love cats . However , Liezel looks so adorable . A missed vacation sounds terrible but am sure this phase will pass . Great blog title - it will go places . Have a nice day . Reply txhomegirl says : July 27 , 2016 at 5 : 00 pm Good blog ! I have to know what happened . I love Rotts . I 've owned two males and now own a female . She is much more skittish than my males were . Reply hadleylovesgus says : August 9 , 2016 at 12 : 36 pm I feel your pain ! We have our little yorkie , Gus , who suffers from fear of strangers as well . We are in the process of working with him now too . Thank you for writing ! I am hopeful to do a similar documentation of our journey as its been a great help to hear of other stories of people like us who are working hard to help a pup in this type of situation . Thank you ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 9 , 2016 at 5 : 42 pm I 'm so happy to be able to share this experience with you ! The anxiety and constant stress of Liezel 's fear has been tiresome . Every little accomplishment is celebrated because we 're that much closer to her being comfortable . Thank you for reading . I look forward to hearing more about Gus . LikeLike Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 10 am What a captivating story . Hats off to you for sticking with Liezel . She is truly lucky to have found you guys . We 're having some issues with our Bella ( nothing as severe as this ) and reading this makes me believe there might be hope yet 🙂 Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 14 am Hi Diya . Thanks for reading about Liezel ! Yes , there is hope ! With a good trainer and a lot of patience , improvement can be made . What is Bella doing ? Is she fearful ? Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 22 am Yes she is . Goes on full alert , growls and barks persistently when someone dares to pass by our front door . Thankfully she doesn 't lunge at anyone and sometimes I think she barks more out of fear than possessiveness of her territory . Part of it may just be us reading the signs wrong . We are first time dog owners and are only fostering her for a few weeks . She seems okay at times and just when we think she has finally acclimatized she starts up again . But she 's a sweetheart and we will be sorry to see her go . owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 2 : 54 pm I wish that just once in a while they could talk . All the best with Bella ! LikeLike Vernon says : August 27 , 2016 at 5 : 11 am Hi I 'm a passionate Rottweiler owner . I understand your lost with Zelda . When I lost my first Rott name BAR I said I would never own another dog . It took me years to get over him . Today we have our third one name Sebastian . It was my wife first time ever owning a dog . He had anxiety and tried to run our home when we first got him . I never had a crate with my first two dogs so when Nicole said he have to stay in one until we get him trained from chewing everything I wasn 't sure about it . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 27 , 2016 at 8 : 00 am Hi Vernon ! Your comment made me smile first thing this morning ! Yes , Rottweilers have special personalities . I 'm sorry for your loss of BAR . It is so very painful . Congratulations on opening your heart and home to other dogs - they really do make home a better place . For your wife , a first time male Rottweiler is a brave place to start ! According to the breeder we used , the males goes through an ownership phase where they test you to see what they can get away with . Sure , female go through terrible twos , but I guess it doesn 't compare . You mention the nervousness and insecurities - you are spot on with that ! Liezel picks up my emotions in a frighteningly accurate way . If I 'm even feeling a little off , she starts acting nervous . Maybe that 's proof that she was meant to be mine : ) . I really think that most ( if not all ) Rottweilers are big babies ! ! Liezel 's whole issue is fear , she is afraid of strangers . But the people she knows … she will do anything you tell her for a treat , she wants to lick your face and get her belly rubbed . I 'm happy that your wife loves dogs now . Shelby sounds cute - for a little dog - hahaha ! I 'm more of a big dog kinda gal . Ecohug says : September 14 , 2016 at 11 : 35 am Great post , I really enjoyed reading it and wanted to tell you that you are a great dog mom for sticking it out and really working on helping Liezel . I wanted to ask if you tried anything more natural to relieve anxiety , like herbs that are designed to relax the dog ? We had something similar ( not as bad as yours ) with our dog , Maddie , when we brought her home and giving her some herbs really helped her be calm especially in her crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : September 14 , 2016 at 12 : 55 pm Hi ! Thank you for reading about Liezel ! Yes , she gets two Chinese herbs : Shen Calmer and Chai Hu Shu Gan . Both are from our vet . We noticed HUGE improvements once we started the herbs . At one point last winter I took her off of them since she was doing pretty good and we noticed regression in her reactivity . The vet recommended putting her back on them , and again , they brought her back to a calmer , less reactive dog . Reply 200 Saturdays until Paris says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 26 pm I love what a patient and kind person you have been with your baby . I know it has been hard , but I am so happy you didn 't give up . ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 38 pm Thank you ! She she is wonderful in many , many ways . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 20 , 2016 at 5 : 14 am I 'm exhausted reading what you have been through . Also if you need to have break , Liezel should be in good hands with the breeder . I look forward to reading if it gets better for you . Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 21 , 2016 at 5 : 02 am Yes it was long , but it was very thoroughly written . I was hoping desperately that peace and harmony would reign for you , but I had to wait until now to find out . But I am very glad it has gotten better for you . Good on your parents . John Chon says : November 14 , 2016 at 7 : 06 pm Your dog is so cute ! I really liked how thorough you were in this post . I can tell that you love your dog very much . It 's so great to see loving and responsible dog owners out there 🙂 Keep up the great work ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 15 , 2016 at 4 : 43 am Hi John ! Thank you ! We think she 's pretty cute , too . I 'm very glad you enjoyed reading about Liezel . She is doing so much better . LikeLiked by 1 person charlypriest says : November 17 , 2016 at 12 : 58 pm Cute dog , I myself have a recent addition to the family that is called Tina a bulldog of 7 months . What I find fascinating about all this is … . . the dog has a daycarecenter ! That is unheard here in Spain . That dog has better care as a youngster than I did . I 'm actually jealous . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 17 , 2016 at 2 : 34 pm Oh what we do for our pets here … ! Thank you for reading ! Yay for you and Tina ! There is something so wonderful about having a dog . Reply charlypriest says : November 18 , 2016 at 6 : 09 am She does puts me a smile on the face , although she can be a pain in the but quite a lot of times . Specially when she starts eating walls , chairs , sofas , socks , the list goes on . What a stomach this dog has , it 's bullet proof .
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Knowing nothing about blogs or blogging , I had a * great * idea this morning to start my own and write all about my dog . I considered writing a book … but would there be enough to say and would anyone care ? At least this way , I can get it all out in writing , look at what I 've got and see where it goes . We ( my husband and I ) brought home a 7 . 5 week Rottweiler puppy on January 17 , 2014 . We named her Liezel ( sounds like diesel ) , I 'll spare you the long AKC registered name . I was apprehensive because we had just gone though a painful year and a half of caring for a very sick Rottweiler , Zelda . We put her down just before her second birthday in September , 2013 , and it was heartbreaking . Zelda was my first dog , I loved her more than I knew was possible . Getting a new puppy was scary ( what if she 's sick ) and exciting ( puppies are fun and cute ) . My intention for getting a dog was not only companionship but also to compete in dog sports ( obedience , agility ) , ultimately Schutzhund . We were supposed to start puppy classes right away , but Liezel not having her 12 - week shots , I postponed classes until the " next semester " for fear she would get sick . From 8 weeks to 11 weeks , Liezel stayed home . I took a week off of work , my husband took a week off , and my retired parents stayed with her for a week during the day while we worked . Aside from hating the crate she seemed like a perfectly content pup . The neighbors came over to meet her and when she met their Rottweiler , she was in Heaven ! She took to him like he was her best friend . I wondered if she thought " Wow ! Something like me - just bigger . " I remember commenting that the neighbor 's dog looked at me with an expression of " get this mosquito away from me ! " She loved when he came over . During the 8 - to 12 - week age we had major snowfall in Michigan . We had to dig tracks in the yard for Liezel to go potty since the snow was deeper than she was tall . It was very cold and with the snow and salt we did not take her for walks . However , she went to the pet store ( I carried her ) , the vet , and my parents house for small amounts of exposure . I know , I know " 8 - to 12 - weeks is a critical time for socialization ! " My thought process was I would rather delay socialization a few weeks than take the chance of having another sick dog . At eleven weeks , Liezel started daycare . She couldn 't be with the other puppies yet because she still had a week to go for shots , but she was in the office with the employees - and out of the house . The daycare workers pointed out that she really hated being crated ( yep , we know ) . At home or daycare , while crated she would howl and cry to the point of peeing and / or pooping herself . Never was the crate used for punishment . The purpose of crating her was to create her own private space . The idea being she can go to her crate knowing that when there no one will bother her . It 's her " safe place . " In the meantime , until she realized it was her safe - place she would be crated for naps and at night . It got to the point during what should have been nap time ( she 's fallen asleep somewhere and we pick her up and put her in the crate ) she would just cry , scream and howl . I actually called the breeder and ask " what should we do ? ! " Some dogs don 't take to a crate so the advice was to just let her sleep wherever she laid down . She would still have to be crated at night since she wasn 't fully potty trained . I slept on the floor next to her for four weeks , slowly increasing the distance from her until I could get in to bed . Back to daycare , at 13 weeks she started playing with the other dogs ( shots at 12 weeks , then a week to recover ) . She played with the other puppies and came home worn out . For one hour during the day all the dogs are kenneled ( inside ) for a lunch break . Liezel was still getting three meals a day so this was her lunch and nap break . Being in the kennel alone was as bad as being crated . She would pee / poop herself and cry and howl . One day they had to bathe her because she was in such a tither she got poop all over herself . This was causing me to have some anxiety . I have a happy , healthy puppy who does not like to be crated . I start wondering ' how am I ever going to leave the house ? , ' ' how are we ever going to leave her alone ? , ' ' what have I gotten us into ? ' I talked to the trainer once we started puppy classes and she had some tips . 1 ) never let her out of the crate when she 's crying - doing so will teach her that crying gets her released . Um , she cries the whole time she 's in it . 2 ) hit a wall just outside the room where the crate is . It will get her attention and she will stop to listen . At that moment of silence go get her . 3 ) never tell her " good girl " when she 's coming out of the crate - doing so will teach her getting out is the reward . 4 ) do not show excitement when letting her out . Open the door and walk away . Getting out is not fun / exciting ; going in should be . So over the course of the next couple of months we worked on this . The living room crate for naps was removed and the bedroom crate for nighttime was moved from the foot of the bed to my side . The move would allow her to see down the hallway when she was crated when we went out . Here I should interject that " going out " meant running to the grocery store , maybe going out to dinner , or stopping by my parents ( they live two miles away ) . This wasn 't out to dinner , drinks , and a movie - or even an extended family get - together . We were gone an hour or less . When we got home the crate would be covered in drool and she would be panting . Separation anxiety ? Just complete fear of the crate ? What is the problem , here ? At five months old we stopped using the crate all together . She was locked in our bedroom by a baby gate when we went out and this was a much better solution . She was calmer and we found ( via recording ) that she would curl up on the bed and sleep while we were gone . No drooling , panting , or pacing . She also started sleeping with us at night . It seemed a better option than the nighttime crying , panting , drooling , etc . She jumped into bed , curled up , and that was that . We continued with classes . Puppy class was a great success ! She knew sit , down , shake , watch , and touch before class even started ( remember those several weeks she stayed home ? We were teaching her some stuff . ) so she was kinda the star student [ proud smile ] . By the time we got to intermediate / advanced obedience we noticed some undesirable behaviors . Also around this time , the weather had gotten better and we started taking walks where we also observed undesirable behavior . At class she began barking and attempting to run toward ( on leash ) other people . On a walk , once we got about two houses away , she would turn around pulling toward home . Her happy disposition changed to a vigilant , nervous one . If anyone came out and asked to pet her , she would shrink back and avoid being touched . When she was about 6 months old we were on a walk in the neighborhood . Approaching a driveway partially blocked by a Jeep , two remote control cars came toward us . Liezel barked and lunged at them . The cars were being run by two little boys and the adult started screaming , " Get that dog off of my property before I get my f - ing gun and shoot it . " Hmm . This seemed over - the - top . My then 6 - month old puppy , was startled by the things coming at her , and she reacted . The guy went crazy ! I pointed out to him that I was on city property and I had every right to be there . Well his threats continued so I called the police . He too called the police and was yelling " It 's a Rottweiler ! A ROTTWEILER ! " While on the phone with the police his wife approached me saying " Please , just leave . Please . " Another man in his group approached me saying , " Get out of here you bitch ! " The whole thing escalated very quickly and it really shook me and Liezel up . After this episode I became very nervous about walking Liezel . If you know anything about dogs , you know they feed off their owners ' feelings . So I 'm feeding her nervousness and anxiety by being nervous and anxious . Round and round it went . Around this time a few other things happened . We took a day trip to see the breeder and let her see Liezel . When Deb tried to pet Liezel 's head , Liezel back away . Deb asked me " You haven 't hit her have you ? " Nope . We went camping one weekend and Liezel was so frantic and worried she barked the entire time and got to the point of vomiting from nervousness . We actually took her for a car ride hoping 1 ) to calm her down and 2 ) let the other campers have some peace and quiet . She started barking and lunging at all strangers - going into and out of daycare , at agility class , on a walk , etc . All strangers . And she would freak out at the sound of any car door outside , the doorbell ( real or on TV ) , or the neighbors she could see in their house from the backyard . When I say " freaking out " she would jump up , front paws on the front door , scratching , barking , spit flying , hackles up . Most times there was nothing there . Then it would take an hour or more for her to calm down . I spoke with the trainer about all of this . She did not seem very concerned and gave the impression that Liezel could outgrow it . This was insufficient for me . I needed an action plan . We also had a guy out to our house who represented a company that used e - collars . The company came recommended to us by a family member . His presentation and explanation was really off - putting . We didn 't understand the concept and wondered how could we expect Liezel to understand if we didn 't . Additionally , he said " The dog will have to wear a muzzle in order for me to work with her . " I 'm not opposed to using a muzzle , but he made no attempt to interact with Liezel . His idea was put a muzzle on her and an e - collar and get started . Neither my husband nor I got a good feeling about this so the idea was quickly discarded . The third trainer , Lynn , taught me about thresholds . Not letting Liezel get to the point of reacting because once she was over threshold she was unable to learn . I guess it would be like trying to learn a new skill while being chased by a bear ? When something scary is happening to you , you are not in a learning frame of mind . Week after week for several months , Lynn came to our house and worked on keeping Liezel under threshold . Here 's how it started . Liezel was in the bedroom when Lynn arrived . She sat at the kitchen table while I went to get Liezel . Liezel and I came out of the bedroom one step at a time . When Liezel saw Lynn , I was to say " Good girl " give her a treat , and retreat to the bedroom . Her reward for looking and not reacting was getting to leave the scary thing / person . After weeks of this , we moved outside . Lynn would be across the street and I would walk Liezel . When Liezel looked at Lynn she was praised and treated . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the lesson was over . Lynn also gave me instructions on a dog training process that taught the dog to stay on a mat / bed / blanket while things went on around it . So day one you tell the dog " go to your mat " and treat her when she gets on it [ Liezel already knew " go to your bed " so this was not difficult to teach ] . Take one step away from the mat and come back with " good girl " and a treat . This goes on and on for weeks with progressively more difficult things like running around the dog / mat , leaving the room , opening the front door , and ringing the doorbell . When you get through the whole thing , you start all over again in a different room . We went through all of the weeks ( it took twice as long as the plan because you can 't move on to the next day if the dog gets off the mat today ) and then started the whole thing over in the backyard . Also during this time , we hired a stranger to do stranger approaches . I found a local pet walker and paid her to sit at one end of the parking lot of an empty factory building , while we , 500 feet away , tried to approach and stay under threshold . The instructions from Lynn on this exercise was to come out from behind the building and wait for Liezel to see the stranger . Once she did , " good girl " and retreat . Do it again and try to get a foot closer . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the training was over for the day . After a few months we could get about 450 feet away before Liezel reacted . I stopped taking her to agility with our original trainer . Liezel seemed to really like running the agility course , but on the sideline she would panic over the other people and dogs . It came to a point where I decided the fun of the course did not outweigh the stress of the sidelines . We talked with our vet about this , all of this . She had blood sent out to test for thyroid issues and the results came back normal . It was time to try medication . Our vet could not prescribe Prozac so we went to a recommended veterinary behaviorist who did . She put Liezel on 30mg / day . The intention of medication was to calm Liezel enough so we could continue working on training under threshold . We were becoming a bit reclusive . An entire summer went by and we never took our camper out of storage . I was avoiding any talk of vacation because I didn 't know what we would do with her . When she was 14 months old we did go on vacation and left her with our original trainer . I checked in with the trainer everyday but got vague responses . Come to find out , Liezel just paced the whole time we were gone . During said summer when we didn 't camp , I came across a trainer that I had emailed months before but never heard back from . He was a police dog trainer so I assumed my issues with Liezel probably weren 't what he was looking to work with . He had a booth set up at a city festival advertising dog training , specifically aggression . I found my original email to him , forwarded it with a note saying " Hey , just saw you at the festival . Please see my email below from several months ago and let me know if you can help . " Simply , Z says : June 18 , 2016 at 10 : 35 am Interesting thoughts . We had a puppy too but sadly parted with her because of allergies . We found a nice home for her . I could relate to your puppy " hating " her crate . I will definitely refer to your blog when we get a second chance . Keep writing . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 18 , 2016 at 11 : 40 am Thank you ! It 's been hard having a fearful dog but also very rewarding ! I hope my lessons can help some one else . Reply Tim Taylor says : June 19 , 2016 at 9 : 14 am I 've read all your posts and I have to say they are extremely interesting . My favorite breed is a Doberman , next is German Shepard and then Rottweilers . I hate little yappin ' dogs with a passion . I absolutely love Wolves and I almost got one once upon a time . For me , that would have been a dream come true . Keep writin ' , ' cause now I wanna know how Liezel progresses ! I , too , have a pooch who doesn 't like the crate idea . She does the same panting , drooling thing , plus licks her front legs into sopping appendages ! I went for the baby gate idea , as well , because it didn 't make any sense to continue to upset her so badly with the crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 24 , 2016 at 5 : 56 pm Thank you ! And thank you for following me . Liezel has been trying , but when I look into her little brown almond eyes , I know she was meant for me and me for her . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply jay1991katira says : June 28 , 2016 at 1 : 33 am Nice one , You gave me nice snaps of pet . I love dogs . thank you Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 7 , 2016 at 8 : 17 am I love dogs , too ! They 're loyal and loving . I 'm glad you like the pictures ! Reply frankprem says : July 1 , 2016 at 6 : 47 pm Gorgeous looking dog . Best luck with raising her , and much enjoyment . Cheers , Frank Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 18 , 2016 at 2 : 26 pm Thanks , Laura . I need to commit some time to writing . We 've had a house guest for two weeks and she 's exhausting ! Reply Vaibhav says : July 26 , 2016 at 6 : 26 am Hi again , thanks for stopping by . I read this post and have to say this - I 'm not a dog person at all , bit scared actually and love cats . However , Liezel looks so adorable . A missed vacation sounds terrible but am sure this phase will pass . Great blog title - it will go places . Have a nice day . Reply txhomegirl says : July 27 , 2016 at 5 : 00 pm Good blog ! I have to know what happened . I love Rotts . I 've owned two males and now own a female . She is much more skittish than my males were . Reply hadleylovesgus says : August 9 , 2016 at 12 : 36 pm I feel your pain ! We have our little yorkie , Gus , who suffers from fear of strangers as well . We are in the process of working with him now too . Thank you for writing ! I am hopeful to do a similar documentation of our journey as its been a great help to hear of other stories of people like us who are working hard to help a pup in this type of situation . Thank you ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 9 , 2016 at 5 : 42 pm I 'm so happy to be able to share this experience with you ! The anxiety and constant stress of Liezel 's fear has been tiresome . Every little accomplishment is celebrated because we 're that much closer to her being comfortable . Thank you for reading . I look forward to hearing more about Gus . LikeLike Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 10 am What a captivating story . Hats off to you for sticking with Liezel . She is truly lucky to have found you guys . We 're having some issues with our Bella ( nothing as severe as this ) and reading this makes me believe there might be hope yet 🙂 Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 14 am Hi Diya . Thanks for reading about Liezel ! Yes , there is hope ! With a good trainer and a lot of patience , improvement can be made . What is Bella doing ? Is she fearful ? Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 22 am Yes she is . Goes on full alert , growls and barks persistently when someone dares to pass by our front door . Thankfully she doesn 't lunge at anyone and sometimes I think she barks more out of fear than possessiveness of her territory . Part of it may just be us reading the signs wrong . We are first time dog owners and are only fostering her for a few weeks . She seems okay at times and just when we think she has finally acclimatized she starts up again . But she 's a sweetheart and we will be sorry to see her go . owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 2 : 54 pm I wish that just once in a while they could talk . All the best with Bella ! LikeLike Vernon says : August 27 , 2016 at 5 : 11 am Hi I 'm a passionate Rottweiler owner . I understand your lost with Zelda . When I lost my first Rott name BAR I said I would never own another dog . It took me years to get over him . Today we have our third one name Sebastian . It was my wife first time ever owning a dog . He had anxiety and tried to run our home when we first got him . I never had a crate with my first two dogs so when Nicole said he have to stay in one until we get him trained from chewing everything I wasn 't sure about it . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 27 , 2016 at 8 : 00 am Hi Vernon ! Your comment made me smile first thing this morning ! Yes , Rottweilers have special personalities . I 'm sorry for your loss of BAR . It is so very painful . Congratulations on opening your heart and home to other dogs - they really do make home a better place . For your wife , a first time male Rottweiler is a brave place to start ! According to the breeder we used , the males goes through an ownership phase where they test you to see what they can get away with . Sure , female go through terrible twos , but I guess it doesn 't compare . You mention the nervousness and insecurities - you are spot on with that ! Liezel picks up my emotions in a frighteningly accurate way . If I 'm even feeling a little off , she starts acting nervous . Maybe that 's proof that she was meant to be mine : ) . I really think that most ( if not all ) Rottweilers are big babies ! ! Liezel 's whole issue is fear , she is afraid of strangers . But the people she knows … she will do anything you tell her for a treat , she wants to lick your face and get her belly rubbed . I 'm happy that your wife loves dogs now . Shelby sounds cute - for a little dog - hahaha ! I 'm more of a big dog kinda gal . Ecohug says : September 14 , 2016 at 11 : 35 am Great post , I really enjoyed reading it and wanted to tell you that you are a great dog mom for sticking it out and really working on helping Liezel . I wanted to ask if you tried anything more natural to relieve anxiety , like herbs that are designed to relax the dog ? We had something similar ( not as bad as yours ) with our dog , Maddie , when we brought her home and giving her some herbs really helped her be calm especially in her crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : September 14 , 2016 at 12 : 55 pm Hi ! Thank you for reading about Liezel ! Yes , she gets two Chinese herbs : Shen Calmer and Chai Hu Shu Gan . Both are from our vet . We noticed HUGE improvements once we started the herbs . At one point last winter I took her off of them since she was doing pretty good and we noticed regression in her reactivity . The vet recommended putting her back on them , and again , they brought her back to a calmer , less reactive dog . Reply 200 Saturdays until Paris says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 26 pm I love what a patient and kind person you have been with your baby . I know it has been hard , but I am so happy you didn 't give up . ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 38 pm Thank you ! She she is wonderful in many , many ways . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 20 , 2016 at 5 : 14 am I 'm exhausted reading what you have been through . Also if you need to have break , Liezel should be in good hands with the breeder . I look forward to reading if it gets better for you . Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 21 , 2016 at 5 : 02 am Yes it was long , but it was very thoroughly written . I was hoping desperately that peace and harmony would reign for you , but I had to wait until now to find out . But I am very glad it has gotten better for you . Good on your parents . John Chon says : November 14 , 2016 at 7 : 06 pm Your dog is so cute ! I really liked how thorough you were in this post . I can tell that you love your dog very much . It 's so great to see loving and responsible dog owners out there 🙂 Keep up the great work ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 15 , 2016 at 4 : 43 am Hi John ! Thank you ! We think she 's pretty cute , too . I 'm very glad you enjoyed reading about Liezel . She is doing so much better . LikeLiked by 1 person charlypriest says : November 17 , 2016 at 12 : 58 pm Cute dog , I myself have a recent addition to the family that is called Tina a bulldog of 7 months . What I find fascinating about all this is … . . the dog has a daycarecenter ! That is unheard here in Spain . That dog has better care as a youngster than I did . I 'm actually jealous . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 17 , 2016 at 2 : 34 pm Oh what we do for our pets here … ! Thank you for reading ! Yay for you and Tina ! There is something so wonderful about having a dog . Reply charlypriest says : November 18 , 2016 at 6 : 09 am She does puts me a smile on the face , although she can be a pain in the but quite a lot of times . Specially when she starts eating walls , chairs , sofas , socks , the list goes on . What a stomach this dog has , it 's bullet proof .
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Knowing nothing about blogs or blogging , I had a * great * idea this morning to start my own and write all about my dog . I considered writing a book … but would there be enough to say and would anyone care ? At least this way , I can get it all out in writing , look at what I 've got and see where it goes . We ( my husband and I ) brought home a 7 . 5 week Rottweiler puppy on January 17 , 2014 . We named her Liezel ( sounds like diesel ) , I 'll spare you the long AKC registered name . I was apprehensive because we had just gone though a painful year and a half of caring for a very sick Rottweiler , Zelda . We put her down just before her second birthday in September , 2013 , and it was heartbreaking . Zelda was my first dog , I loved her more than I knew was possible . Getting a new puppy was scary ( what if she 's sick ) and exciting ( puppies are fun and cute ) . My intention for getting a dog was not only companionship but also to compete in dog sports ( obedience , agility ) , ultimately Schutzhund . We were supposed to start puppy classes right away , but Liezel not having her 12 - week shots , I postponed classes until the " next semester " for fear she would get sick . From 8 weeks to 11 weeks , Liezel stayed home . I took a week off of work , my husband took a week off , and my retired parents stayed with her for a week during the day while we worked . Aside from hating the crate she seemed like a perfectly content pup . The neighbors came over to meet her and when she met their Rottweiler , she was in Heaven ! She took to him like he was her best friend . I wondered if she thought " Wow ! Something like me - just bigger . " I remember commenting that the neighbor 's dog looked at me with an expression of " get this mosquito away from me ! " She loved when he came over . During the 8 - to 12 - week age we had major snowfall in Michigan . We had to dig tracks in the yard for Liezel to go potty since the snow was deeper than she was tall . It was very cold and with the snow and salt we did not take her for walks . However , she went to the pet store ( I carried her ) , the vet , and my parents house for small amounts of exposure . I know , I know " 8 - to 12 - weeks is a critical time for socialization ! " My thought process was I would rather delay socialization a few weeks than take the chance of having another sick dog . At eleven weeks , Liezel started daycare . She couldn 't be with the other puppies yet because she still had a week to go for shots , but she was in the office with the employees - and out of the house . The daycare workers pointed out that she really hated being crated ( yep , we know ) . At home or daycare , while crated she would howl and cry to the point of peeing and / or pooping herself . Never was the crate used for punishment . The purpose of crating her was to create her own private space . The idea being she can go to her crate knowing that when there no one will bother her . It 's her " safe place . " In the meantime , until she realized it was her safe - place she would be crated for naps and at night . It got to the point during what should have been nap time ( she 's fallen asleep somewhere and we pick her up and put her in the crate ) she would just cry , scream and howl . I actually called the breeder and ask " what should we do ? ! " Some dogs don 't take to a crate so the advice was to just let her sleep wherever she laid down . She would still have to be crated at night since she wasn 't fully potty trained . I slept on the floor next to her for four weeks , slowly increasing the distance from her until I could get in to bed . Back to daycare , at 13 weeks she started playing with the other dogs ( shots at 12 weeks , then a week to recover ) . She played with the other puppies and came home worn out . For one hour during the day all the dogs are kenneled ( inside ) for a lunch break . Liezel was still getting three meals a day so this was her lunch and nap break . Being in the kennel alone was as bad as being crated . She would pee / poop herself and cry and howl . One day they had to bathe her because she was in such a tither she got poop all over herself . This was causing me to have some anxiety . I have a happy , healthy puppy who does not like to be crated . I start wondering ' how am I ever going to leave the house ? , ' ' how are we ever going to leave her alone ? , ' ' what have I gotten us into ? ' I talked to the trainer once we started puppy classes and she had some tips . 1 ) never let her out of the crate when she 's crying - doing so will teach her that crying gets her released . Um , she cries the whole time she 's in it . 2 ) hit a wall just outside the room where the crate is . It will get her attention and she will stop to listen . At that moment of silence go get her . 3 ) never tell her " good girl " when she 's coming out of the crate - doing so will teach her getting out is the reward . 4 ) do not show excitement when letting her out . Open the door and walk away . Getting out is not fun / exciting ; going in should be . So over the course of the next couple of months we worked on this . The living room crate for naps was removed and the bedroom crate for nighttime was moved from the foot of the bed to my side . The move would allow her to see down the hallway when she was crated when we went out . Here I should interject that " going out " meant running to the grocery store , maybe going out to dinner , or stopping by my parents ( they live two miles away ) . This wasn 't out to dinner , drinks , and a movie - or even an extended family get - together . We were gone an hour or less . When we got home the crate would be covered in drool and she would be panting . Separation anxiety ? Just complete fear of the crate ? What is the problem , here ? At five months old we stopped using the crate all together . She was locked in our bedroom by a baby gate when we went out and this was a much better solution . She was calmer and we found ( via recording ) that she would curl up on the bed and sleep while we were gone . No drooling , panting , or pacing . She also started sleeping with us at night . It seemed a better option than the nighttime crying , panting , drooling , etc . She jumped into bed , curled up , and that was that . We continued with classes . Puppy class was a great success ! She knew sit , down , shake , watch , and touch before class even started ( remember those several weeks she stayed home ? We were teaching her some stuff . ) so she was kinda the star student [ proud smile ] . By the time we got to intermediate / advanced obedience we noticed some undesirable behaviors . Also around this time , the weather had gotten better and we started taking walks where we also observed undesirable behavior . At class she began barking and attempting to run toward ( on leash ) other people . On a walk , once we got about two houses away , she would turn around pulling toward home . Her happy disposition changed to a vigilant , nervous one . If anyone came out and asked to pet her , she would shrink back and avoid being touched . When she was about 6 months old we were on a walk in the neighborhood . Approaching a driveway partially blocked by a Jeep , two remote control cars came toward us . Liezel barked and lunged at them . The cars were being run by two little boys and the adult started screaming , " Get that dog off of my property before I get my f - ing gun and shoot it . " Hmm . This seemed over - the - top . My then 6 - month old puppy , was startled by the things coming at her , and she reacted . The guy went crazy ! I pointed out to him that I was on city property and I had every right to be there . Well his threats continued so I called the police . He too called the police and was yelling " It 's a Rottweiler ! A ROTTWEILER ! " While on the phone with the police his wife approached me saying " Please , just leave . Please . " Another man in his group approached me saying , " Get out of here you bitch ! " The whole thing escalated very quickly and it really shook me and Liezel up . After this episode I became very nervous about walking Liezel . If you know anything about dogs , you know they feed off their owners ' feelings . So I 'm feeding her nervousness and anxiety by being nervous and anxious . Round and round it went . Around this time a few other things happened . We took a day trip to see the breeder and let her see Liezel . When Deb tried to pet Liezel 's head , Liezel back away . Deb asked me " You haven 't hit her have you ? " Nope . We went camping one weekend and Liezel was so frantic and worried she barked the entire time and got to the point of vomiting from nervousness . We actually took her for a car ride hoping 1 ) to calm her down and 2 ) let the other campers have some peace and quiet . She started barking and lunging at all strangers - going into and out of daycare , at agility class , on a walk , etc . All strangers . And she would freak out at the sound of any car door outside , the doorbell ( real or on TV ) , or the neighbors she could see in their house from the backyard . When I say " freaking out " she would jump up , front paws on the front door , scratching , barking , spit flying , hackles up . Most times there was nothing there . Then it would take an hour or more for her to calm down . I spoke with the trainer about all of this . She did not seem very concerned and gave the impression that Liezel could outgrow it . This was insufficient for me . I needed an action plan . We also had a guy out to our house who represented a company that used e - collars . The company came recommended to us by a family member . His presentation and explanation was really off - putting . We didn 't understand the concept and wondered how could we expect Liezel to understand if we didn 't . Additionally , he said " The dog will have to wear a muzzle in order for me to work with her . " I 'm not opposed to using a muzzle , but he made no attempt to interact with Liezel . His idea was put a muzzle on her and an e - collar and get started . Neither my husband nor I got a good feeling about this so the idea was quickly discarded . The third trainer , Lynn , taught me about thresholds . Not letting Liezel get to the point of reacting because once she was over threshold she was unable to learn . I guess it would be like trying to learn a new skill while being chased by a bear ? When something scary is happening to you , you are not in a learning frame of mind . Week after week for several months , Lynn came to our house and worked on keeping Liezel under threshold . Here 's how it started . Liezel was in the bedroom when Lynn arrived . She sat at the kitchen table while I went to get Liezel . Liezel and I came out of the bedroom one step at a time . When Liezel saw Lynn , I was to say " Good girl " give her a treat , and retreat to the bedroom . Her reward for looking and not reacting was getting to leave the scary thing / person . After weeks of this , we moved outside . Lynn would be across the street and I would walk Liezel . When Liezel looked at Lynn she was praised and treated . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the lesson was over . Lynn also gave me instructions on a dog training process that taught the dog to stay on a mat / bed / blanket while things went on around it . So day one you tell the dog " go to your mat " and treat her when she gets on it [ Liezel already knew " go to your bed " so this was not difficult to teach ] . Take one step away from the mat and come back with " good girl " and a treat . This goes on and on for weeks with progressively more difficult things like running around the dog / mat , leaving the room , opening the front door , and ringing the doorbell . When you get through the whole thing , you start all over again in a different room . We went through all of the weeks ( it took twice as long as the plan because you can 't move on to the next day if the dog gets off the mat today ) and then started the whole thing over in the backyard . Also during this time , we hired a stranger to do stranger approaches . I found a local pet walker and paid her to sit at one end of the parking lot of an empty factory building , while we , 500 feet away , tried to approach and stay under threshold . The instructions from Lynn on this exercise was to come out from behind the building and wait for Liezel to see the stranger . Once she did , " good girl " and retreat . Do it again and try to get a foot closer . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the training was over for the day . After a few months we could get about 450 feet away before Liezel reacted . I stopped taking her to agility with our original trainer . Liezel seemed to really like running the agility course , but on the sideline she would panic over the other people and dogs . It came to a point where I decided the fun of the course did not outweigh the stress of the sidelines . We talked with our vet about this , all of this . She had blood sent out to test for thyroid issues and the results came back normal . It was time to try medication . Our vet could not prescribe Prozac so we went to a recommended veterinary behaviorist who did . She put Liezel on 30mg / day . The intention of medication was to calm Liezel enough so we could continue working on training under threshold . We were becoming a bit reclusive . An entire summer went by and we never took our camper out of storage . I was avoiding any talk of vacation because I didn 't know what we would do with her . When she was 14 months old we did go on vacation and left her with our original trainer . I checked in with the trainer everyday but got vague responses . Come to find out , Liezel just paced the whole time we were gone . During said summer when we didn 't camp , I came across a trainer that I had emailed months before but never heard back from . He was a police dog trainer so I assumed my issues with Liezel probably weren 't what he was looking to work with . He had a booth set up at a city festival advertising dog training , specifically aggression . I found my original email to him , forwarded it with a note saying " Hey , just saw you at the festival . Please see my email below from several months ago and let me know if you can help . " Simply , Z says : June 18 , 2016 at 10 : 35 am Interesting thoughts . We had a puppy too but sadly parted with her because of allergies . We found a nice home for her . I could relate to your puppy " hating " her crate . I will definitely refer to your blog when we get a second chance . Keep writing . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 18 , 2016 at 11 : 40 am Thank you ! It 's been hard having a fearful dog but also very rewarding ! I hope my lessons can help some one else . Reply Tim Taylor says : June 19 , 2016 at 9 : 14 am I 've read all your posts and I have to say they are extremely interesting . My favorite breed is a Doberman , next is German Shepard and then Rottweilers . I hate little yappin ' dogs with a passion . I absolutely love Wolves and I almost got one once upon a time . For me , that would have been a dream come true . Keep writin ' , ' cause now I wanna know how Liezel progresses ! I , too , have a pooch who doesn 't like the crate idea . She does the same panting , drooling thing , plus licks her front legs into sopping appendages ! I went for the baby gate idea , as well , because it didn 't make any sense to continue to upset her so badly with the crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 24 , 2016 at 5 : 56 pm Thank you ! And thank you for following me . Liezel has been trying , but when I look into her little brown almond eyes , I know she was meant for me and me for her . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply jay1991katira says : June 28 , 2016 at 1 : 33 am Nice one , You gave me nice snaps of pet . I love dogs . thank you Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 7 , 2016 at 8 : 17 am I love dogs , too ! They 're loyal and loving . I 'm glad you like the pictures ! Reply frankprem says : July 1 , 2016 at 6 : 47 pm Gorgeous looking dog . Best luck with raising her , and much enjoyment . Cheers , Frank Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 18 , 2016 at 2 : 26 pm Thanks , Laura . I need to commit some time to writing . We 've had a house guest for two weeks and she 's exhausting ! Reply Vaibhav says : July 26 , 2016 at 6 : 26 am Hi again , thanks for stopping by . I read this post and have to say this - I 'm not a dog person at all , bit scared actually and love cats . However , Liezel looks so adorable . A missed vacation sounds terrible but am sure this phase will pass . Great blog title - it will go places . Have a nice day . Reply txhomegirl says : July 27 , 2016 at 5 : 00 pm Good blog ! I have to know what happened . I love Rotts . I 've owned two males and now own a female . She is much more skittish than my males were . Reply hadleylovesgus says : August 9 , 2016 at 12 : 36 pm I feel your pain ! We have our little yorkie , Gus , who suffers from fear of strangers as well . We are in the process of working with him now too . Thank you for writing ! I am hopeful to do a similar documentation of our journey as its been a great help to hear of other stories of people like us who are working hard to help a pup in this type of situation . Thank you ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 9 , 2016 at 5 : 42 pm I 'm so happy to be able to share this experience with you ! The anxiety and constant stress of Liezel 's fear has been tiresome . Every little accomplishment is celebrated because we 're that much closer to her being comfortable . Thank you for reading . I look forward to hearing more about Gus . LikeLike Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 10 am What a captivating story . Hats off to you for sticking with Liezel . She is truly lucky to have found you guys . We 're having some issues with our Bella ( nothing as severe as this ) and reading this makes me believe there might be hope yet 🙂 Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 14 am Hi Diya . Thanks for reading about Liezel ! Yes , there is hope ! With a good trainer and a lot of patience , improvement can be made . What is Bella doing ? Is she fearful ? Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 22 am Yes she is . Goes on full alert , growls and barks persistently when someone dares to pass by our front door . Thankfully she doesn 't lunge at anyone and sometimes I think she barks more out of fear than possessiveness of her territory . Part of it may just be us reading the signs wrong . We are first time dog owners and are only fostering her for a few weeks . She seems okay at times and just when we think she has finally acclimatized she starts up again . But she 's a sweetheart and we will be sorry to see her go . owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 2 : 54 pm I wish that just once in a while they could talk . All the best with Bella ! LikeLike Vernon says : August 27 , 2016 at 5 : 11 am Hi I 'm a passionate Rottweiler owner . I understand your lost with Zelda . When I lost my first Rott name BAR I said I would never own another dog . It took me years to get over him . Today we have our third one name Sebastian . It was my wife first time ever owning a dog . He had anxiety and tried to run our home when we first got him . I never had a crate with my first two dogs so when Nicole said he have to stay in one until we get him trained from chewing everything I wasn 't sure about it . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 27 , 2016 at 8 : 00 am Hi Vernon ! Your comment made me smile first thing this morning ! Yes , Rottweilers have special personalities . I 'm sorry for your loss of BAR . It is so very painful . Congratulations on opening your heart and home to other dogs - they really do make home a better place . For your wife , a first time male Rottweiler is a brave place to start ! According to the breeder we used , the males goes through an ownership phase where they test you to see what they can get away with . Sure , female go through terrible twos , but I guess it doesn 't compare . You mention the nervousness and insecurities - you are spot on with that ! Liezel picks up my emotions in a frighteningly accurate way . If I 'm even feeling a little off , she starts acting nervous . Maybe that 's proof that she was meant to be mine : ) . I really think that most ( if not all ) Rottweilers are big babies ! ! Liezel 's whole issue is fear , she is afraid of strangers . But the people she knows … she will do anything you tell her for a treat , she wants to lick your face and get her belly rubbed . I 'm happy that your wife loves dogs now . Shelby sounds cute - for a little dog - hahaha ! I 'm more of a big dog kinda gal . Ecohug says : September 14 , 2016 at 11 : 35 am Great post , I really enjoyed reading it and wanted to tell you that you are a great dog mom for sticking it out and really working on helping Liezel . I wanted to ask if you tried anything more natural to relieve anxiety , like herbs that are designed to relax the dog ? We had something similar ( not as bad as yours ) with our dog , Maddie , when we brought her home and giving her some herbs really helped her be calm especially in her crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : September 14 , 2016 at 12 : 55 pm Hi ! Thank you for reading about Liezel ! Yes , she gets two Chinese herbs : Shen Calmer and Chai Hu Shu Gan . Both are from our vet . We noticed HUGE improvements once we started the herbs . At one point last winter I took her off of them since she was doing pretty good and we noticed regression in her reactivity . The vet recommended putting her back on them , and again , they brought her back to a calmer , less reactive dog . Reply 200 Saturdays until Paris says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 26 pm I love what a patient and kind person you have been with your baby . I know it has been hard , but I am so happy you didn 't give up . ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 38 pm Thank you ! She she is wonderful in many , many ways . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 20 , 2016 at 5 : 14 am I 'm exhausted reading what you have been through . Also if you need to have break , Liezel should be in good hands with the breeder . I look forward to reading if it gets better for you . Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 21 , 2016 at 5 : 02 am Yes it was long , but it was very thoroughly written . I was hoping desperately that peace and harmony would reign for you , but I had to wait until now to find out . But I am very glad it has gotten better for you . Good on your parents . John Chon says : November 14 , 2016 at 7 : 06 pm Your dog is so cute ! I really liked how thorough you were in this post . I can tell that you love your dog very much . It 's so great to see loving and responsible dog owners out there 🙂 Keep up the great work ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 15 , 2016 at 4 : 43 am Hi John ! Thank you ! We think she 's pretty cute , too . I 'm very glad you enjoyed reading about Liezel . She is doing so much better . LikeLiked by 1 person charlypriest says : November 17 , 2016 at 12 : 58 pm Cute dog , I myself have a recent addition to the family that is called Tina a bulldog of 7 months . What I find fascinating about all this is … . . the dog has a daycarecenter ! That is unheard here in Spain . That dog has better care as a youngster than I did . I 'm actually jealous . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 17 , 2016 at 2 : 34 pm Oh what we do for our pets here … ! Thank you for reading ! Yay for you and Tina ! There is something so wonderful about having a dog . Reply charlypriest says : November 18 , 2016 at 6 : 09 am She does puts me a smile on the face , although she can be a pain in the but quite a lot of times . Specially when she starts eating walls , chairs , sofas , socks , the list goes on . What a stomach this dog has , it 's bullet proof .
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Knowing nothing about blogs or blogging , I had a * great * idea this morning to start my own and write all about my dog . I considered writing a book … but would there be enough to say and would anyone care ? At least this way , I can get it all out in writing , look at what I 've got and see where it goes . We ( my husband and I ) brought home a 7 . 5 week Rottweiler puppy on January 17 , 2014 . We named her Liezel ( sounds like diesel ) , I 'll spare you the long AKC registered name . I was apprehensive because we had just gone though a painful year and a half of caring for a very sick Rottweiler , Zelda . We put her down just before her second birthday in September , 2013 , and it was heartbreaking . Zelda was my first dog , I loved her more than I knew was possible . Getting a new puppy was scary ( what if she 's sick ) and exciting ( puppies are fun and cute ) . My intention for getting a dog was not only companionship but also to compete in dog sports ( obedience , agility ) , ultimately Schutzhund . We were supposed to start puppy classes right away , but Liezel not having her 12 - week shots , I postponed classes until the " next semester " for fear she would get sick . From 8 weeks to 11 weeks , Liezel stayed home . I took a week off of work , my husband took a week off , and my retired parents stayed with her for a week during the day while we worked . Aside from hating the crate she seemed like a perfectly content pup . The neighbors came over to meet her and when she met their Rottweiler , she was in Heaven ! She took to him like he was her best friend . I wondered if she thought " Wow ! Something like me - just bigger . " I remember commenting that the neighbor 's dog looked at me with an expression of " get this mosquito away from me ! " She loved when he came over . During the 8 - to 12 - week age we had major snowfall in Michigan . We had to dig tracks in the yard for Liezel to go potty since the snow was deeper than she was tall . It was very cold and with the snow and salt we did not take her for walks . However , she went to the pet store ( I carried her ) , the vet , and my parents house for small amounts of exposure . I know , I know " 8 - to 12 - weeks is a critical time for socialization ! " My thought process was I would rather delay socialization a few weeks than take the chance of having another sick dog . At eleven weeks , Liezel started daycare . She couldn 't be with the other puppies yet because she still had a week to go for shots , but she was in the office with the employees - and out of the house . The daycare workers pointed out that she really hated being crated ( yep , we know ) . At home or daycare , while crated she would howl and cry to the point of peeing and / or pooping herself . Never was the crate used for punishment . The purpose of crating her was to create her own private space . The idea being she can go to her crate knowing that when there no one will bother her . It 's her " safe place . " In the meantime , until she realized it was her safe - place she would be crated for naps and at night . It got to the point during what should have been nap time ( she 's fallen asleep somewhere and we pick her up and put her in the crate ) she would just cry , scream and howl . I actually called the breeder and ask " what should we do ? ! " Some dogs don 't take to a crate so the advice was to just let her sleep wherever she laid down . She would still have to be crated at night since she wasn 't fully potty trained . I slept on the floor next to her for four weeks , slowly increasing the distance from her until I could get in to bed . Back to daycare , at 13 weeks she started playing with the other dogs ( shots at 12 weeks , then a week to recover ) . She played with the other puppies and came home worn out . For one hour during the day all the dogs are kenneled ( inside ) for a lunch break . Liezel was still getting three meals a day so this was her lunch and nap break . Being in the kennel alone was as bad as being crated . She would pee / poop herself and cry and howl . One day they had to bathe her because she was in such a tither she got poop all over herself . This was causing me to have some anxiety . I have a happy , healthy puppy who does not like to be crated . I start wondering ' how am I ever going to leave the house ? , ' ' how are we ever going to leave her alone ? , ' ' what have I gotten us into ? ' I talked to the trainer once we started puppy classes and she had some tips . 1 ) never let her out of the crate when she 's crying - doing so will teach her that crying gets her released . Um , she cries the whole time she 's in it . 2 ) hit a wall just outside the room where the crate is . It will get her attention and she will stop to listen . At that moment of silence go get her . 3 ) never tell her " good girl " when she 's coming out of the crate - doing so will teach her getting out is the reward . 4 ) do not show excitement when letting her out . Open the door and walk away . Getting out is not fun / exciting ; going in should be . So over the course of the next couple of months we worked on this . The living room crate for naps was removed and the bedroom crate for nighttime was moved from the foot of the bed to my side . The move would allow her to see down the hallway when she was crated when we went out . Here I should interject that " going out " meant running to the grocery store , maybe going out to dinner , or stopping by my parents ( they live two miles away ) . This wasn 't out to dinner , drinks , and a movie - or even an extended family get - together . We were gone an hour or less . When we got home the crate would be covered in drool and she would be panting . Separation anxiety ? Just complete fear of the crate ? What is the problem , here ? At five months old we stopped using the crate all together . She was locked in our bedroom by a baby gate when we went out and this was a much better solution . She was calmer and we found ( via recording ) that she would curl up on the bed and sleep while we were gone . No drooling , panting , or pacing . She also started sleeping with us at night . It seemed a better option than the nighttime crying , panting , drooling , etc . She jumped into bed , curled up , and that was that . We continued with classes . Puppy class was a great success ! She knew sit , down , shake , watch , and touch before class even started ( remember those several weeks she stayed home ? We were teaching her some stuff . ) so she was kinda the star student [ proud smile ] . By the time we got to intermediate / advanced obedience we noticed some undesirable behaviors . Also around this time , the weather had gotten better and we started taking walks where we also observed undesirable behavior . At class she began barking and attempting to run toward ( on leash ) other people . On a walk , once we got about two houses away , she would turn around pulling toward home . Her happy disposition changed to a vigilant , nervous one . If anyone came out and asked to pet her , she would shrink back and avoid being touched . When she was about 6 months old we were on a walk in the neighborhood . Approaching a driveway partially blocked by a Jeep , two remote control cars came toward us . Liezel barked and lunged at them . The cars were being run by two little boys and the adult started screaming , " Get that dog off of my property before I get my f - ing gun and shoot it . " Hmm . This seemed over - the - top . My then 6 - month old puppy , was startled by the things coming at her , and she reacted . The guy went crazy ! I pointed out to him that I was on city property and I had every right to be there . Well his threats continued so I called the police . He too called the police and was yelling " It 's a Rottweiler ! A ROTTWEILER ! " While on the phone with the police his wife approached me saying " Please , just leave . Please . " Another man in his group approached me saying , " Get out of here you bitch ! " The whole thing escalated very quickly and it really shook me and Liezel up . After this episode I became very nervous about walking Liezel . If you know anything about dogs , you know they feed off their owners ' feelings . So I 'm feeding her nervousness and anxiety by being nervous and anxious . Round and round it went . Around this time a few other things happened . We took a day trip to see the breeder and let her see Liezel . When Deb tried to pet Liezel 's head , Liezel back away . Deb asked me " You haven 't hit her have you ? " Nope . We went camping one weekend and Liezel was so frantic and worried she barked the entire time and got to the point of vomiting from nervousness . We actually took her for a car ride hoping 1 ) to calm her down and 2 ) let the other campers have some peace and quiet . She started barking and lunging at all strangers - going into and out of daycare , at agility class , on a walk , etc . All strangers . And she would freak out at the sound of any car door outside , the doorbell ( real or on TV ) , or the neighbors she could see in their house from the backyard . When I say " freaking out " she would jump up , front paws on the front door , scratching , barking , spit flying , hackles up . Most times there was nothing there . Then it would take an hour or more for her to calm down . I spoke with the trainer about all of this . She did not seem very concerned and gave the impression that Liezel could outgrow it . This was insufficient for me . I needed an action plan . We also had a guy out to our house who represented a company that used e - collars . The company came recommended to us by a family member . His presentation and explanation was really off - putting . We didn 't understand the concept and wondered how could we expect Liezel to understand if we didn 't . Additionally , he said " The dog will have to wear a muzzle in order for me to work with her . " I 'm not opposed to using a muzzle , but he made no attempt to interact with Liezel . His idea was put a muzzle on her and an e - collar and get started . Neither my husband nor I got a good feeling about this so the idea was quickly discarded . The third trainer , Lynn , taught me about thresholds . Not letting Liezel get to the point of reacting because once she was over threshold she was unable to learn . I guess it would be like trying to learn a new skill while being chased by a bear ? When something scary is happening to you , you are not in a learning frame of mind . Week after week for several months , Lynn came to our house and worked on keeping Liezel under threshold . Here 's how it started . Liezel was in the bedroom when Lynn arrived . She sat at the kitchen table while I went to get Liezel . Liezel and I came out of the bedroom one step at a time . When Liezel saw Lynn , I was to say " Good girl " give her a treat , and retreat to the bedroom . Her reward for looking and not reacting was getting to leave the scary thing / person . After weeks of this , we moved outside . Lynn would be across the street and I would walk Liezel . When Liezel looked at Lynn she was praised and treated . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the lesson was over . Lynn also gave me instructions on a dog training process that taught the dog to stay on a mat / bed / blanket while things went on around it . So day one you tell the dog " go to your mat " and treat her when she gets on it [ Liezel already knew " go to your bed " so this was not difficult to teach ] . Take one step away from the mat and come back with " good girl " and a treat . This goes on and on for weeks with progressively more difficult things like running around the dog / mat , leaving the room , opening the front door , and ringing the doorbell . When you get through the whole thing , you start all over again in a different room . We went through all of the weeks ( it took twice as long as the plan because you can 't move on to the next day if the dog gets off the mat today ) and then started the whole thing over in the backyard . Also during this time , we hired a stranger to do stranger approaches . I found a local pet walker and paid her to sit at one end of the parking lot of an empty factory building , while we , 500 feet away , tried to approach and stay under threshold . The instructions from Lynn on this exercise was to come out from behind the building and wait for Liezel to see the stranger . Once she did , " good girl " and retreat . Do it again and try to get a foot closer . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the training was over for the day . After a few months we could get about 450 feet away before Liezel reacted . I stopped taking her to agility with our original trainer . Liezel seemed to really like running the agility course , but on the sideline she would panic over the other people and dogs . It came to a point where I decided the fun of the course did not outweigh the stress of the sidelines . We talked with our vet about this , all of this . She had blood sent out to test for thyroid issues and the results came back normal . It was time to try medication . Our vet could not prescribe Prozac so we went to a recommended veterinary behaviorist who did . She put Liezel on 30mg / day . The intention of medication was to calm Liezel enough so we could continue working on training under threshold . We were becoming a bit reclusive . An entire summer went by and we never took our camper out of storage . I was avoiding any talk of vacation because I didn 't know what we would do with her . When she was 14 months old we did go on vacation and left her with our original trainer . I checked in with the trainer everyday but got vague responses . Come to find out , Liezel just paced the whole time we were gone . During said summer when we didn 't camp , I came across a trainer that I had emailed months before but never heard back from . He was a police dog trainer so I assumed my issues with Liezel probably weren 't what he was looking to work with . He had a booth set up at a city festival advertising dog training , specifically aggression . I found my original email to him , forwarded it with a note saying " Hey , just saw you at the festival . Please see my email below from several months ago and let me know if you can help . " Simply , Z says : June 18 , 2016 at 10 : 35 am Interesting thoughts . We had a puppy too but sadly parted with her because of allergies . We found a nice home for her . I could relate to your puppy " hating " her crate . I will definitely refer to your blog when we get a second chance . Keep writing . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 18 , 2016 at 11 : 40 am Thank you ! It 's been hard having a fearful dog but also very rewarding ! I hope my lessons can help some one else . Reply Tim Taylor says : June 19 , 2016 at 9 : 14 am I 've read all your posts and I have to say they are extremely interesting . My favorite breed is a Doberman , next is German Shepard and then Rottweilers . I hate little yappin ' dogs with a passion . I absolutely love Wolves and I almost got one once upon a time . For me , that would have been a dream come true . Keep writin ' , ' cause now I wanna know how Liezel progresses ! I , too , have a pooch who doesn 't like the crate idea . She does the same panting , drooling thing , plus licks her front legs into sopping appendages ! I went for the baby gate idea , as well , because it didn 't make any sense to continue to upset her so badly with the crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 24 , 2016 at 5 : 56 pm Thank you ! And thank you for following me . Liezel has been trying , but when I look into her little brown almond eyes , I know she was meant for me and me for her . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply jay1991katira says : June 28 , 2016 at 1 : 33 am Nice one , You gave me nice snaps of pet . I love dogs . thank you Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 7 , 2016 at 8 : 17 am I love dogs , too ! They 're loyal and loving . I 'm glad you like the pictures ! Reply frankprem says : July 1 , 2016 at 6 : 47 pm Gorgeous looking dog . Best luck with raising her , and much enjoyment . Cheers , Frank Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 18 , 2016 at 2 : 26 pm Thanks , Laura . I need to commit some time to writing . We 've had a house guest for two weeks and she 's exhausting ! Reply Vaibhav says : July 26 , 2016 at 6 : 26 am Hi again , thanks for stopping by . I read this post and have to say this - I 'm not a dog person at all , bit scared actually and love cats . However , Liezel looks so adorable . A missed vacation sounds terrible but am sure this phase will pass . Great blog title - it will go places . Have a nice day . Reply txhomegirl says : July 27 , 2016 at 5 : 00 pm Good blog ! I have to know what happened . I love Rotts . I 've owned two males and now own a female . She is much more skittish than my males were . Reply hadleylovesgus says : August 9 , 2016 at 12 : 36 pm I feel your pain ! We have our little yorkie , Gus , who suffers from fear of strangers as well . We are in the process of working with him now too . Thank you for writing ! I am hopeful to do a similar documentation of our journey as its been a great help to hear of other stories of people like us who are working hard to help a pup in this type of situation . Thank you ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 9 , 2016 at 5 : 42 pm I 'm so happy to be able to share this experience with you ! The anxiety and constant stress of Liezel 's fear has been tiresome . Every little accomplishment is celebrated because we 're that much closer to her being comfortable . Thank you for reading . I look forward to hearing more about Gus . LikeLike Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 10 am What a captivating story . Hats off to you for sticking with Liezel . She is truly lucky to have found you guys . We 're having some issues with our Bella ( nothing as severe as this ) and reading this makes me believe there might be hope yet 🙂 Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 14 am Hi Diya . Thanks for reading about Liezel ! Yes , there is hope ! With a good trainer and a lot of patience , improvement can be made . What is Bella doing ? Is she fearful ? Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 22 am Yes she is . Goes on full alert , growls and barks persistently when someone dares to pass by our front door . Thankfully she doesn 't lunge at anyone and sometimes I think she barks more out of fear than possessiveness of her territory . Part of it may just be us reading the signs wrong . We are first time dog owners and are only fostering her for a few weeks . She seems okay at times and just when we think she has finally acclimatized she starts up again . But she 's a sweetheart and we will be sorry to see her go . owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 2 : 54 pm I wish that just once in a while they could talk . All the best with Bella ! LikeLike Vernon says : August 27 , 2016 at 5 : 11 am Hi I 'm a passionate Rottweiler owner . I understand your lost with Zelda . When I lost my first Rott name BAR I said I would never own another dog . It took me years to get over him . Today we have our third one name Sebastian . It was my wife first time ever owning a dog . He had anxiety and tried to run our home when we first got him . I never had a crate with my first two dogs so when Nicole said he have to stay in one until we get him trained from chewing everything I wasn 't sure about it . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 27 , 2016 at 8 : 00 am Hi Vernon ! Your comment made me smile first thing this morning ! Yes , Rottweilers have special personalities . I 'm sorry for your loss of BAR . It is so very painful . Congratulations on opening your heart and home to other dogs - they really do make home a better place . For your wife , a first time male Rottweiler is a brave place to start ! According to the breeder we used , the males goes through an ownership phase where they test you to see what they can get away with . Sure , female go through terrible twos , but I guess it doesn 't compare . You mention the nervousness and insecurities - you are spot on with that ! Liezel picks up my emotions in a frighteningly accurate way . If I 'm even feeling a little off , she starts acting nervous . Maybe that 's proof that she was meant to be mine : ) . I really think that most ( if not all ) Rottweilers are big babies ! ! Liezel 's whole issue is fear , she is afraid of strangers . But the people she knows … she will do anything you tell her for a treat , she wants to lick your face and get her belly rubbed . I 'm happy that your wife loves dogs now . Shelby sounds cute - for a little dog - hahaha ! I 'm more of a big dog kinda gal . Ecohug says : September 14 , 2016 at 11 : 35 am Great post , I really enjoyed reading it and wanted to tell you that you are a great dog mom for sticking it out and really working on helping Liezel . I wanted to ask if you tried anything more natural to relieve anxiety , like herbs that are designed to relax the dog ? We had something similar ( not as bad as yours ) with our dog , Maddie , when we brought her home and giving her some herbs really helped her be calm especially in her crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : September 14 , 2016 at 12 : 55 pm Hi ! Thank you for reading about Liezel ! Yes , she gets two Chinese herbs : Shen Calmer and Chai Hu Shu Gan . Both are from our vet . We noticed HUGE improvements once we started the herbs . At one point last winter I took her off of them since she was doing pretty good and we noticed regression in her reactivity . The vet recommended putting her back on them , and again , they brought her back to a calmer , less reactive dog . Reply 200 Saturdays until Paris says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 26 pm I love what a patient and kind person you have been with your baby . I know it has been hard , but I am so happy you didn 't give up . ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 38 pm Thank you ! She she is wonderful in many , many ways . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 20 , 2016 at 5 : 14 am I 'm exhausted reading what you have been through . Also if you need to have break , Liezel should be in good hands with the breeder . I look forward to reading if it gets better for you . Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 21 , 2016 at 5 : 02 am Yes it was long , but it was very thoroughly written . I was hoping desperately that peace and harmony would reign for you , but I had to wait until now to find out . But I am very glad it has gotten better for you . Good on your parents . John Chon says : November 14 , 2016 at 7 : 06 pm Your dog is so cute ! I really liked how thorough you were in this post . I can tell that you love your dog very much . It 's so great to see loving and responsible dog owners out there 🙂 Keep up the great work ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 15 , 2016 at 4 : 43 am Hi John ! Thank you ! We think she 's pretty cute , too . I 'm very glad you enjoyed reading about Liezel . She is doing so much better . LikeLiked by 1 person charlypriest says : November 17 , 2016 at 12 : 58 pm Cute dog , I myself have a recent addition to the family that is called Tina a bulldog of 7 months . What I find fascinating about all this is … . . the dog has a daycarecenter ! That is unheard here in Spain . That dog has better care as a youngster than I did . I 'm actually jealous . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 17 , 2016 at 2 : 34 pm Oh what we do for our pets here … ! Thank you for reading ! Yay for you and Tina ! There is something so wonderful about having a dog . Reply charlypriest says : November 18 , 2016 at 6 : 09 am She does puts me a smile on the face , although she can be a pain in the but quite a lot of times . Specially when she starts eating walls , chairs , sofas , socks , the list goes on . What a stomach this dog has , it 's bullet proof .
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Knowing nothing about blogs or blogging , I had a * great * idea this morning to start my own and write all about my dog . I considered writing a book … but would there be enough to say and would anyone care ? At least this way , I can get it all out in writing , look at what I 've got and see where it goes . We ( my husband and I ) brought home a 7 . 5 week Rottweiler puppy on January 17 , 2014 . We named her Liezel ( sounds like diesel ) , I 'll spare you the long AKC registered name . I was apprehensive because we had just gone though a painful year and a half of caring for a very sick Rottweiler , Zelda . We put her down just before her second birthday in September , 2013 , and it was heartbreaking . Zelda was my first dog , I loved her more than I knew was possible . Getting a new puppy was scary ( what if she 's sick ) and exciting ( puppies are fun and cute ) . My intention for getting a dog was not only companionship but also to compete in dog sports ( obedience , agility ) , ultimately Schutzhund . We were supposed to start puppy classes right away , but Liezel not having her 12 - week shots , I postponed classes until the " next semester " for fear she would get sick . From 8 weeks to 11 weeks , Liezel stayed home . I took a week off of work , my husband took a week off , and my retired parents stayed with her for a week during the day while we worked . Aside from hating the crate she seemed like a perfectly content pup . The neighbors came over to meet her and when she met their Rottweiler , she was in Heaven ! She took to him like he was her best friend . I wondered if she thought " Wow ! Something like me - just bigger . " I remember commenting that the neighbor 's dog looked at me with an expression of " get this mosquito away from me ! " She loved when he came over . During the 8 - to 12 - week age we had major snowfall in Michigan . We had to dig tracks in the yard for Liezel to go potty since the snow was deeper than she was tall . It was very cold and with the snow and salt we did not take her for walks . However , she went to the pet store ( I carried her ) , the vet , and my parents house for small amounts of exposure . I know , I know " 8 - to 12 - weeks is a critical time for socialization ! " My thought process was I would rather delay socialization a few weeks than take the chance of having another sick dog . At eleven weeks , Liezel started daycare . She couldn 't be with the other puppies yet because she still had a week to go for shots , but she was in the office with the employees - and out of the house . The daycare workers pointed out that she really hated being crated ( yep , we know ) . At home or daycare , while crated she would howl and cry to the point of peeing and / or pooping herself . Never was the crate used for punishment . The purpose of crating her was to create her own private space . The idea being she can go to her crate knowing that when there no one will bother her . It 's her " safe place . " In the meantime , until she realized it was her safe - place she would be crated for naps and at night . It got to the point during what should have been nap time ( she 's fallen asleep somewhere and we pick her up and put her in the crate ) she would just cry , scream and howl . I actually called the breeder and ask " what should we do ? ! " Some dogs don 't take to a crate so the advice was to just let her sleep wherever she laid down . She would still have to be crated at night since she wasn 't fully potty trained . I slept on the floor next to her for four weeks , slowly increasing the distance from her until I could get in to bed . Back to daycare , at 13 weeks she started playing with the other dogs ( shots at 12 weeks , then a week to recover ) . She played with the other puppies and came home worn out . For one hour during the day all the dogs are kenneled ( inside ) for a lunch break . Liezel was still getting three meals a day so this was her lunch and nap break . Being in the kennel alone was as bad as being crated . She would pee / poop herself and cry and howl . One day they had to bathe her because she was in such a tither she got poop all over herself . This was causing me to have some anxiety . I have a happy , healthy puppy who does not like to be crated . I start wondering ' how am I ever going to leave the house ? , ' ' how are we ever going to leave her alone ? , ' ' what have I gotten us into ? ' I talked to the trainer once we started puppy classes and she had some tips . 1 ) never let her out of the crate when she 's crying - doing so will teach her that crying gets her released . Um , she cries the whole time she 's in it . 2 ) hit a wall just outside the room where the crate is . It will get her attention and she will stop to listen . At that moment of silence go get her . 3 ) never tell her " good girl " when she 's coming out of the crate - doing so will teach her getting out is the reward . 4 ) do not show excitement when letting her out . Open the door and walk away . Getting out is not fun / exciting ; going in should be . So over the course of the next couple of months we worked on this . The living room crate for naps was removed and the bedroom crate for nighttime was moved from the foot of the bed to my side . The move would allow her to see down the hallway when she was crated when we went out . Here I should interject that " going out " meant running to the grocery store , maybe going out to dinner , or stopping by my parents ( they live two miles away ) . This wasn 't out to dinner , drinks , and a movie - or even an extended family get - together . We were gone an hour or less . When we got home the crate would be covered in drool and she would be panting . Separation anxiety ? Just complete fear of the crate ? What is the problem , here ? At five months old we stopped using the crate all together . She was locked in our bedroom by a baby gate when we went out and this was a much better solution . She was calmer and we found ( via recording ) that she would curl up on the bed and sleep while we were gone . No drooling , panting , or pacing . She also started sleeping with us at night . It seemed a better option than the nighttime crying , panting , drooling , etc . She jumped into bed , curled up , and that was that . We continued with classes . Puppy class was a great success ! She knew sit , down , shake , watch , and touch before class even started ( remember those several weeks she stayed home ? We were teaching her some stuff . ) so she was kinda the star student [ proud smile ] . By the time we got to intermediate / advanced obedience we noticed some undesirable behaviors . Also around this time , the weather had gotten better and we started taking walks where we also observed undesirable behavior . At class she began barking and attempting to run toward ( on leash ) other people . On a walk , once we got about two houses away , she would turn around pulling toward home . Her happy disposition changed to a vigilant , nervous one . If anyone came out and asked to pet her , she would shrink back and avoid being touched . When she was about 6 months old we were on a walk in the neighborhood . Approaching a driveway partially blocked by a Jeep , two remote control cars came toward us . Liezel barked and lunged at them . The cars were being run by two little boys and the adult started screaming , " Get that dog off of my property before I get my f - ing gun and shoot it . " Hmm . This seemed over - the - top . My then 6 - month old puppy , was startled by the things coming at her , and she reacted . The guy went crazy ! I pointed out to him that I was on city property and I had every right to be there . Well his threats continued so I called the police . He too called the police and was yelling " It 's a Rottweiler ! A ROTTWEILER ! " While on the phone with the police his wife approached me saying " Please , just leave . Please . " Another man in his group approached me saying , " Get out of here you bitch ! " The whole thing escalated very quickly and it really shook me and Liezel up . After this episode I became very nervous about walking Liezel . If you know anything about dogs , you know they feed off their owners ' feelings . So I 'm feeding her nervousness and anxiety by being nervous and anxious . Round and round it went . Around this time a few other things happened . We took a day trip to see the breeder and let her see Liezel . When Deb tried to pet Liezel 's head , Liezel back away . Deb asked me " You haven 't hit her have you ? " Nope . We went camping one weekend and Liezel was so frantic and worried she barked the entire time and got to the point of vomiting from nervousness . We actually took her for a car ride hoping 1 ) to calm her down and 2 ) let the other campers have some peace and quiet . She started barking and lunging at all strangers - going into and out of daycare , at agility class , on a walk , etc . All strangers . And she would freak out at the sound of any car door outside , the doorbell ( real or on TV ) , or the neighbors she could see in their house from the backyard . When I say " freaking out " she would jump up , front paws on the front door , scratching , barking , spit flying , hackles up . Most times there was nothing there . Then it would take an hour or more for her to calm down . I spoke with the trainer about all of this . She did not seem very concerned and gave the impression that Liezel could outgrow it . This was insufficient for me . I needed an action plan . We also had a guy out to our house who represented a company that used e - collars . The company came recommended to us by a family member . His presentation and explanation was really off - putting . We didn 't understand the concept and wondered how could we expect Liezel to understand if we didn 't . Additionally , he said " The dog will have to wear a muzzle in order for me to work with her . " I 'm not opposed to using a muzzle , but he made no attempt to interact with Liezel . His idea was put a muzzle on her and an e - collar and get started . Neither my husband nor I got a good feeling about this so the idea was quickly discarded . The third trainer , Lynn , taught me about thresholds . Not letting Liezel get to the point of reacting because once she was over threshold she was unable to learn . I guess it would be like trying to learn a new skill while being chased by a bear ? When something scary is happening to you , you are not in a learning frame of mind . Week after week for several months , Lynn came to our house and worked on keeping Liezel under threshold . Here 's how it started . Liezel was in the bedroom when Lynn arrived . She sat at the kitchen table while I went to get Liezel . Liezel and I came out of the bedroom one step at a time . When Liezel saw Lynn , I was to say " Good girl " give her a treat , and retreat to the bedroom . Her reward for looking and not reacting was getting to leave the scary thing / person . After weeks of this , we moved outside . Lynn would be across the street and I would walk Liezel . When Liezel looked at Lynn she was praised and treated . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the lesson was over . Lynn also gave me instructions on a dog training process that taught the dog to stay on a mat / bed / blanket while things went on around it . So day one you tell the dog " go to your mat " and treat her when she gets on it [ Liezel already knew " go to your bed " so this was not difficult to teach ] . Take one step away from the mat and come back with " good girl " and a treat . This goes on and on for weeks with progressively more difficult things like running around the dog / mat , leaving the room , opening the front door , and ringing the doorbell . When you get through the whole thing , you start all over again in a different room . We went through all of the weeks ( it took twice as long as the plan because you can 't move on to the next day if the dog gets off the mat today ) and then started the whole thing over in the backyard . Also during this time , we hired a stranger to do stranger approaches . I found a local pet walker and paid her to sit at one end of the parking lot of an empty factory building , while we , 500 feet away , tried to approach and stay under threshold . The instructions from Lynn on this exercise was to come out from behind the building and wait for Liezel to see the stranger . Once she did , " good girl " and retreat . Do it again and try to get a foot closer . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the training was over for the day . After a few months we could get about 450 feet away before Liezel reacted . I stopped taking her to agility with our original trainer . Liezel seemed to really like running the agility course , but on the sideline she would panic over the other people and dogs . It came to a point where I decided the fun of the course did not outweigh the stress of the sidelines . We talked with our vet about this , all of this . She had blood sent out to test for thyroid issues and the results came back normal . It was time to try medication . Our vet could not prescribe Prozac so we went to a recommended veterinary behaviorist who did . She put Liezel on 30mg / day . The intention of medication was to calm Liezel enough so we could continue working on training under threshold . We were becoming a bit reclusive . An entire summer went by and we never took our camper out of storage . I was avoiding any talk of vacation because I didn 't know what we would do with her . When she was 14 months old we did go on vacation and left her with our original trainer . I checked in with the trainer everyday but got vague responses . Come to find out , Liezel just paced the whole time we were gone . During said summer when we didn 't camp , I came across a trainer that I had emailed months before but never heard back from . He was a police dog trainer so I assumed my issues with Liezel probably weren 't what he was looking to work with . He had a booth set up at a city festival advertising dog training , specifically aggression . I found my original email to him , forwarded it with a note saying " Hey , just saw you at the festival . Please see my email below from several months ago and let me know if you can help . " Simply , Z says : June 18 , 2016 at 10 : 35 am Interesting thoughts . We had a puppy too but sadly parted with her because of allergies . We found a nice home for her . I could relate to your puppy " hating " her crate . I will definitely refer to your blog when we get a second chance . Keep writing . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 18 , 2016 at 11 : 40 am Thank you ! It 's been hard having a fearful dog but also very rewarding ! I hope my lessons can help some one else . Reply Tim Taylor says : June 19 , 2016 at 9 : 14 am I 've read all your posts and I have to say they are extremely interesting . My favorite breed is a Doberman , next is German Shepard and then Rottweilers . I hate little yappin ' dogs with a passion . I absolutely love Wolves and I almost got one once upon a time . For me , that would have been a dream come true . Keep writin ' , ' cause now I wanna know how Liezel progresses ! I , too , have a pooch who doesn 't like the crate idea . She does the same panting , drooling thing , plus licks her front legs into sopping appendages ! I went for the baby gate idea , as well , because it didn 't make any sense to continue to upset her so badly with the crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 24 , 2016 at 5 : 56 pm Thank you ! And thank you for following me . Liezel has been trying , but when I look into her little brown almond eyes , I know she was meant for me and me for her . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply jay1991katira says : June 28 , 2016 at 1 : 33 am Nice one , You gave me nice snaps of pet . I love dogs . thank you Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 7 , 2016 at 8 : 17 am I love dogs , too ! They 're loyal and loving . I 'm glad you like the pictures ! Reply frankprem says : July 1 , 2016 at 6 : 47 pm Gorgeous looking dog . Best luck with raising her , and much enjoyment . Cheers , Frank Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 18 , 2016 at 2 : 26 pm Thanks , Laura . I need to commit some time to writing . We 've had a house guest for two weeks and she 's exhausting ! Reply Vaibhav says : July 26 , 2016 at 6 : 26 am Hi again , thanks for stopping by . I read this post and have to say this - I 'm not a dog person at all , bit scared actually and love cats . However , Liezel looks so adorable . A missed vacation sounds terrible but am sure this phase will pass . Great blog title - it will go places . Have a nice day . Reply txhomegirl says : July 27 , 2016 at 5 : 00 pm Good blog ! I have to know what happened . I love Rotts . I 've owned two males and now own a female . She is much more skittish than my males were . Reply hadleylovesgus says : August 9 , 2016 at 12 : 36 pm I feel your pain ! We have our little yorkie , Gus , who suffers from fear of strangers as well . We are in the process of working with him now too . Thank you for writing ! I am hopeful to do a similar documentation of our journey as its been a great help to hear of other stories of people like us who are working hard to help a pup in this type of situation . Thank you ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 9 , 2016 at 5 : 42 pm I 'm so happy to be able to share this experience with you ! The anxiety and constant stress of Liezel 's fear has been tiresome . Every little accomplishment is celebrated because we 're that much closer to her being comfortable . Thank you for reading . I look forward to hearing more about Gus . LikeLike Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 10 am What a captivating story . Hats off to you for sticking with Liezel . She is truly lucky to have found you guys . We 're having some issues with our Bella ( nothing as severe as this ) and reading this makes me believe there might be hope yet 🙂 Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 14 am Hi Diya . Thanks for reading about Liezel ! Yes , there is hope ! With a good trainer and a lot of patience , improvement can be made . What is Bella doing ? Is she fearful ? Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 22 am Yes she is . Goes on full alert , growls and barks persistently when someone dares to pass by our front door . Thankfully she doesn 't lunge at anyone and sometimes I think she barks more out of fear than possessiveness of her territory . Part of it may just be us reading the signs wrong . We are first time dog owners and are only fostering her for a few weeks . She seems okay at times and just when we think she has finally acclimatized she starts up again . But she 's a sweetheart and we will be sorry to see her go . owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 2 : 54 pm I wish that just once in a while they could talk . All the best with Bella ! LikeLike Vernon says : August 27 , 2016 at 5 : 11 am Hi I 'm a passionate Rottweiler owner . I understand your lost with Zelda . When I lost my first Rott name BAR I said I would never own another dog . It took me years to get over him . Today we have our third one name Sebastian . It was my wife first time ever owning a dog . He had anxiety and tried to run our home when we first got him . I never had a crate with my first two dogs so when Nicole said he have to stay in one until we get him trained from chewing everything I wasn 't sure about it . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 27 , 2016 at 8 : 00 am Hi Vernon ! Your comment made me smile first thing this morning ! Yes , Rottweilers have special personalities . I 'm sorry for your loss of BAR . It is so very painful . Congratulations on opening your heart and home to other dogs - they really do make home a better place . For your wife , a first time male Rottweiler is a brave place to start ! According to the breeder we used , the males goes through an ownership phase where they test you to see what they can get away with . Sure , female go through terrible twos , but I guess it doesn 't compare . You mention the nervousness and insecurities - you are spot on with that ! Liezel picks up my emotions in a frighteningly accurate way . If I 'm even feeling a little off , she starts acting nervous . Maybe that 's proof that she was meant to be mine : ) . I really think that most ( if not all ) Rottweilers are big babies ! ! Liezel 's whole issue is fear , she is afraid of strangers . But the people she knows … she will do anything you tell her for a treat , she wants to lick your face and get her belly rubbed . I 'm happy that your wife loves dogs now . Shelby sounds cute - for a little dog - hahaha ! I 'm more of a big dog kinda gal . Ecohug says : September 14 , 2016 at 11 : 35 am Great post , I really enjoyed reading it and wanted to tell you that you are a great dog mom for sticking it out and really working on helping Liezel . I wanted to ask if you tried anything more natural to relieve anxiety , like herbs that are designed to relax the dog ? We had something similar ( not as bad as yours ) with our dog , Maddie , when we brought her home and giving her some herbs really helped her be calm especially in her crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : September 14 , 2016 at 12 : 55 pm Hi ! Thank you for reading about Liezel ! Yes , she gets two Chinese herbs : Shen Calmer and Chai Hu Shu Gan . Both are from our vet . We noticed HUGE improvements once we started the herbs . At one point last winter I took her off of them since she was doing pretty good and we noticed regression in her reactivity . The vet recommended putting her back on them , and again , they brought her back to a calmer , less reactive dog . Reply 200 Saturdays until Paris says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 26 pm I love what a patient and kind person you have been with your baby . I know it has been hard , but I am so happy you didn 't give up . ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 38 pm Thank you ! She she is wonderful in many , many ways . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 20 , 2016 at 5 : 14 am I 'm exhausted reading what you have been through . Also if you need to have break , Liezel should be in good hands with the breeder . I look forward to reading if it gets better for you . Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 21 , 2016 at 5 : 02 am Yes it was long , but it was very thoroughly written . I was hoping desperately that peace and harmony would reign for you , but I had to wait until now to find out . But I am very glad it has gotten better for you . Good on your parents . John Chon says : November 14 , 2016 at 7 : 06 pm Your dog is so cute ! I really liked how thorough you were in this post . I can tell that you love your dog very much . It 's so great to see loving and responsible dog owners out there 🙂 Keep up the great work ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 15 , 2016 at 4 : 43 am Hi John ! Thank you ! We think she 's pretty cute , too . I 'm very glad you enjoyed reading about Liezel . She is doing so much better . LikeLiked by 1 person charlypriest says : November 17 , 2016 at 12 : 58 pm Cute dog , I myself have a recent addition to the family that is called Tina a bulldog of 7 months . What I find fascinating about all this is … . . the dog has a daycarecenter ! That is unheard here in Spain . That dog has better care as a youngster than I did . I 'm actually jealous . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 17 , 2016 at 2 : 34 pm Oh what we do for our pets here … ! Thank you for reading ! Yay for you and Tina ! There is something so wonderful about having a dog . Reply charlypriest says : November 18 , 2016 at 6 : 09 am She does puts me a smile on the face , although she can be a pain in the but quite a lot of times . Specially when she starts eating walls , chairs , sofas , socks , the list goes on . What a stomach this dog has , it 's bullet proof .
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Knowing nothing about blogs or blogging , I had a * great * idea this morning to start my own and write all about my dog . I considered writing a book … but would there be enough to say and would anyone care ? At least this way , I can get it all out in writing , look at what I 've got and see where it goes . We ( my husband and I ) brought home a 7 . 5 week Rottweiler puppy on January 17 , 2014 . We named her Liezel ( sounds like diesel ) , I 'll spare you the long AKC registered name . I was apprehensive because we had just gone though a painful year and a half of caring for a very sick Rottweiler , Zelda . We put her down just before her second birthday in September , 2013 , and it was heartbreaking . Zelda was my first dog , I loved her more than I knew was possible . Getting a new puppy was scary ( what if she 's sick ) and exciting ( puppies are fun and cute ) . My intention for getting a dog was not only companionship but also to compete in dog sports ( obedience , agility ) , ultimately Schutzhund . We were supposed to start puppy classes right away , but Liezel not having her 12 - week shots , I postponed classes until the " next semester " for fear she would get sick . From 8 weeks to 11 weeks , Liezel stayed home . I took a week off of work , my husband took a week off , and my retired parents stayed with her for a week during the day while we worked . Aside from hating the crate she seemed like a perfectly content pup . The neighbors came over to meet her and when she met their Rottweiler , she was in Heaven ! She took to him like he was her best friend . I wondered if she thought " Wow ! Something like me - just bigger . " I remember commenting that the neighbor 's dog looked at me with an expression of " get this mosquito away from me ! " She loved when he came over . During the 8 - to 12 - week age we had major snowfall in Michigan . We had to dig tracks in the yard for Liezel to go potty since the snow was deeper than she was tall . It was very cold and with the snow and salt we did not take her for walks . However , she went to the pet store ( I carried her ) , the vet , and my parents house for small amounts of exposure . I know , I know " 8 - to 12 - weeks is a critical time for socialization ! " My thought process was I would rather delay socialization a few weeks than take the chance of having another sick dog . At eleven weeks , Liezel started daycare . She couldn 't be with the other puppies yet because she still had a week to go for shots , but she was in the office with the employees - and out of the house . The daycare workers pointed out that she really hated being crated ( yep , we know ) . At home or daycare , while crated she would howl and cry to the point of peeing and / or pooping herself . Never was the crate used for punishment . The purpose of crating her was to create her own private space . The idea being she can go to her crate knowing that when there no one will bother her . It 's her " safe place . " In the meantime , until she realized it was her safe - place she would be crated for naps and at night . It got to the point during what should have been nap time ( she 's fallen asleep somewhere and we pick her up and put her in the crate ) she would just cry , scream and howl . I actually called the breeder and ask " what should we do ? ! " Some dogs don 't take to a crate so the advice was to just let her sleep wherever she laid down . She would still have to be crated at night since she wasn 't fully potty trained . I slept on the floor next to her for four weeks , slowly increasing the distance from her until I could get in to bed . Back to daycare , at 13 weeks she started playing with the other dogs ( shots at 12 weeks , then a week to recover ) . She played with the other puppies and came home worn out . For one hour during the day all the dogs are kenneled ( inside ) for a lunch break . Liezel was still getting three meals a day so this was her lunch and nap break . Being in the kennel alone was as bad as being crated . She would pee / poop herself and cry and howl . One day they had to bathe her because she was in such a tither she got poop all over herself . This was causing me to have some anxiety . I have a happy , healthy puppy who does not like to be crated . I start wondering ' how am I ever going to leave the house ? , ' ' how are we ever going to leave her alone ? , ' ' what have I gotten us into ? ' I talked to the trainer once we started puppy classes and she had some tips . 1 ) never let her out of the crate when she 's crying - doing so will teach her that crying gets her released . Um , she cries the whole time she 's in it . 2 ) hit a wall just outside the room where the crate is . It will get her attention and she will stop to listen . At that moment of silence go get her . 3 ) never tell her " good girl " when she 's coming out of the crate - doing so will teach her getting out is the reward . 4 ) do not show excitement when letting her out . Open the door and walk away . Getting out is not fun / exciting ; going in should be . So over the course of the next couple of months we worked on this . The living room crate for naps was removed and the bedroom crate for nighttime was moved from the foot of the bed to my side . The move would allow her to see down the hallway when she was crated when we went out . Here I should interject that " going out " meant running to the grocery store , maybe going out to dinner , or stopping by my parents ( they live two miles away ) . This wasn 't out to dinner , drinks , and a movie - or even an extended family get - together . We were gone an hour or less . When we got home the crate would be covered in drool and she would be panting . Separation anxiety ? Just complete fear of the crate ? What is the problem , here ? At five months old we stopped using the crate all together . She was locked in our bedroom by a baby gate when we went out and this was a much better solution . She was calmer and we found ( via recording ) that she would curl up on the bed and sleep while we were gone . No drooling , panting , or pacing . She also started sleeping with us at night . It seemed a better option than the nighttime crying , panting , drooling , etc . She jumped into bed , curled up , and that was that . We continued with classes . Puppy class was a great success ! She knew sit , down , shake , watch , and touch before class even started ( remember those several weeks she stayed home ? We were teaching her some stuff . ) so she was kinda the star student [ proud smile ] . By the time we got to intermediate / advanced obedience we noticed some undesirable behaviors . Also around this time , the weather had gotten better and we started taking walks where we also observed undesirable behavior . At class she began barking and attempting to run toward ( on leash ) other people . On a walk , once we got about two houses away , she would turn around pulling toward home . Her happy disposition changed to a vigilant , nervous one . If anyone came out and asked to pet her , she would shrink back and avoid being touched . When she was about 6 months old we were on a walk in the neighborhood . Approaching a driveway partially blocked by a Jeep , two remote control cars came toward us . Liezel barked and lunged at them . The cars were being run by two little boys and the adult started screaming , " Get that dog off of my property before I get my f - ing gun and shoot it . " Hmm . This seemed over - the - top . My then 6 - month old puppy , was startled by the things coming at her , and she reacted . The guy went crazy ! I pointed out to him that I was on city property and I had every right to be there . Well his threats continued so I called the police . He too called the police and was yelling " It 's a Rottweiler ! A ROTTWEILER ! " While on the phone with the police his wife approached me saying " Please , just leave . Please . " Another man in his group approached me saying , " Get out of here you bitch ! " The whole thing escalated very quickly and it really shook me and Liezel up . After this episode I became very nervous about walking Liezel . If you know anything about dogs , you know they feed off their owners ' feelings . So I 'm feeding her nervousness and anxiety by being nervous and anxious . Round and round it went . Around this time a few other things happened . We took a day trip to see the breeder and let her see Liezel . When Deb tried to pet Liezel 's head , Liezel back away . Deb asked me " You haven 't hit her have you ? " Nope . We went camping one weekend and Liezel was so frantic and worried she barked the entire time and got to the point of vomiting from nervousness . We actually took her for a car ride hoping 1 ) to calm her down and 2 ) let the other campers have some peace and quiet . She started barking and lunging at all strangers - going into and out of daycare , at agility class , on a walk , etc . All strangers . And she would freak out at the sound of any car door outside , the doorbell ( real or on TV ) , or the neighbors she could see in their house from the backyard . When I say " freaking out " she would jump up , front paws on the front door , scratching , barking , spit flying , hackles up . Most times there was nothing there . Then it would take an hour or more for her to calm down . I spoke with the trainer about all of this . She did not seem very concerned and gave the impression that Liezel could outgrow it . This was insufficient for me . I needed an action plan . We also had a guy out to our house who represented a company that used e - collars . The company came recommended to us by a family member . His presentation and explanation was really off - putting . We didn 't understand the concept and wondered how could we expect Liezel to understand if we didn 't . Additionally , he said " The dog will have to wear a muzzle in order for me to work with her . " I 'm not opposed to using a muzzle , but he made no attempt to interact with Liezel . His idea was put a muzzle on her and an e - collar and get started . Neither my husband nor I got a good feeling about this so the idea was quickly discarded . The third trainer , Lynn , taught me about thresholds . Not letting Liezel get to the point of reacting because once she was over threshold she was unable to learn . I guess it would be like trying to learn a new skill while being chased by a bear ? When something scary is happening to you , you are not in a learning frame of mind . Week after week for several months , Lynn came to our house and worked on keeping Liezel under threshold . Here 's how it started . Liezel was in the bedroom when Lynn arrived . She sat at the kitchen table while I went to get Liezel . Liezel and I came out of the bedroom one step at a time . When Liezel saw Lynn , I was to say " Good girl " give her a treat , and retreat to the bedroom . Her reward for looking and not reacting was getting to leave the scary thing / person . After weeks of this , we moved outside . Lynn would be across the street and I would walk Liezel . When Liezel looked at Lynn she was praised and treated . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the lesson was over . Lynn also gave me instructions on a dog training process that taught the dog to stay on a mat / bed / blanket while things went on around it . So day one you tell the dog " go to your mat " and treat her when she gets on it [ Liezel already knew " go to your bed " so this was not difficult to teach ] . Take one step away from the mat and come back with " good girl " and a treat . This goes on and on for weeks with progressively more difficult things like running around the dog / mat , leaving the room , opening the front door , and ringing the doorbell . When you get through the whole thing , you start all over again in a different room . We went through all of the weeks ( it took twice as long as the plan because you can 't move on to the next day if the dog gets off the mat today ) and then started the whole thing over in the backyard . Also during this time , we hired a stranger to do stranger approaches . I found a local pet walker and paid her to sit at one end of the parking lot of an empty factory building , while we , 500 feet away , tried to approach and stay under threshold . The instructions from Lynn on this exercise was to come out from behind the building and wait for Liezel to see the stranger . Once she did , " good girl " and retreat . Do it again and try to get a foot closer . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the training was over for the day . After a few months we could get about 450 feet away before Liezel reacted . I stopped taking her to agility with our original trainer . Liezel seemed to really like running the agility course , but on the sideline she would panic over the other people and dogs . It came to a point where I decided the fun of the course did not outweigh the stress of the sidelines . We talked with our vet about this , all of this . She had blood sent out to test for thyroid issues and the results came back normal . It was time to try medication . Our vet could not prescribe Prozac so we went to a recommended veterinary behaviorist who did . She put Liezel on 30mg / day . The intention of medication was to calm Liezel enough so we could continue working on training under threshold . We were becoming a bit reclusive . An entire summer went by and we never took our camper out of storage . I was avoiding any talk of vacation because I didn 't know what we would do with her . When she was 14 months old we did go on vacation and left her with our original trainer . I checked in with the trainer everyday but got vague responses . Come to find out , Liezel just paced the whole time we were gone . During said summer when we didn 't camp , I came across a trainer that I had emailed months before but never heard back from . He was a police dog trainer so I assumed my issues with Liezel probably weren 't what he was looking to work with . He had a booth set up at a city festival advertising dog training , specifically aggression . I found my original email to him , forwarded it with a note saying " Hey , just saw you at the festival . Please see my email below from several months ago and let me know if you can help . " Simply , Z says : June 18 , 2016 at 10 : 35 am Interesting thoughts . We had a puppy too but sadly parted with her because of allergies . We found a nice home for her . I could relate to your puppy " hating " her crate . I will definitely refer to your blog when we get a second chance . Keep writing . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 18 , 2016 at 11 : 40 am Thank you ! It 's been hard having a fearful dog but also very rewarding ! I hope my lessons can help some one else . Reply Tim Taylor says : June 19 , 2016 at 9 : 14 am I 've read all your posts and I have to say they are extremely interesting . My favorite breed is a Doberman , next is German Shepard and then Rottweilers . I hate little yappin ' dogs with a passion . I absolutely love Wolves and I almost got one once upon a time . For me , that would have been a dream come true . Keep writin ' , ' cause now I wanna know how Liezel progresses ! I , too , have a pooch who doesn 't like the crate idea . She does the same panting , drooling thing , plus licks her front legs into sopping appendages ! I went for the baby gate idea , as well , because it didn 't make any sense to continue to upset her so badly with the crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 24 , 2016 at 5 : 56 pm Thank you ! And thank you for following me . Liezel has been trying , but when I look into her little brown almond eyes , I know she was meant for me and me for her . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply jay1991katira says : June 28 , 2016 at 1 : 33 am Nice one , You gave me nice snaps of pet . I love dogs . thank you Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 7 , 2016 at 8 : 17 am I love dogs , too ! They 're loyal and loving . I 'm glad you like the pictures ! Reply frankprem says : July 1 , 2016 at 6 : 47 pm Gorgeous looking dog . Best luck with raising her , and much enjoyment . Cheers , Frank Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 18 , 2016 at 2 : 26 pm Thanks , Laura . I need to commit some time to writing . We 've had a house guest for two weeks and she 's exhausting ! Reply Vaibhav says : July 26 , 2016 at 6 : 26 am Hi again , thanks for stopping by . I read this post and have to say this - I 'm not a dog person at all , bit scared actually and love cats . However , Liezel looks so adorable . A missed vacation sounds terrible but am sure this phase will pass . Great blog title - it will go places . Have a nice day . Reply txhomegirl says : July 27 , 2016 at 5 : 00 pm Good blog ! I have to know what happened . I love Rotts . I 've owned two males and now own a female . She is much more skittish than my males were . Reply hadleylovesgus says : August 9 , 2016 at 12 : 36 pm I feel your pain ! We have our little yorkie , Gus , who suffers from fear of strangers as well . We are in the process of working with him now too . Thank you for writing ! I am hopeful to do a similar documentation of our journey as its been a great help to hear of other stories of people like us who are working hard to help a pup in this type of situation . Thank you ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 9 , 2016 at 5 : 42 pm I 'm so happy to be able to share this experience with you ! The anxiety and constant stress of Liezel 's fear has been tiresome . Every little accomplishment is celebrated because we 're that much closer to her being comfortable . Thank you for reading . I look forward to hearing more about Gus . LikeLike Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 10 am What a captivating story . Hats off to you for sticking with Liezel . She is truly lucky to have found you guys . We 're having some issues with our Bella ( nothing as severe as this ) and reading this makes me believe there might be hope yet 🙂 Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 14 am Hi Diya . Thanks for reading about Liezel ! Yes , there is hope ! With a good trainer and a lot of patience , improvement can be made . What is Bella doing ? Is she fearful ? Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 22 am Yes she is . Goes on full alert , growls and barks persistently when someone dares to pass by our front door . Thankfully she doesn 't lunge at anyone and sometimes I think she barks more out of fear than possessiveness of her territory . Part of it may just be us reading the signs wrong . We are first time dog owners and are only fostering her for a few weeks . She seems okay at times and just when we think she has finally acclimatized she starts up again . But she 's a sweetheart and we will be sorry to see her go . owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 2 : 54 pm I wish that just once in a while they could talk . All the best with Bella ! LikeLike Vernon says : August 27 , 2016 at 5 : 11 am Hi I 'm a passionate Rottweiler owner . I understand your lost with Zelda . When I lost my first Rott name BAR I said I would never own another dog . It took me years to get over him . Today we have our third one name Sebastian . It was my wife first time ever owning a dog . He had anxiety and tried to run our home when we first got him . I never had a crate with my first two dogs so when Nicole said he have to stay in one until we get him trained from chewing everything I wasn 't sure about it . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 27 , 2016 at 8 : 00 am Hi Vernon ! Your comment made me smile first thing this morning ! Yes , Rottweilers have special personalities . I 'm sorry for your loss of BAR . It is so very painful . Congratulations on opening your heart and home to other dogs - they really do make home a better place . For your wife , a first time male Rottweiler is a brave place to start ! According to the breeder we used , the males goes through an ownership phase where they test you to see what they can get away with . Sure , female go through terrible twos , but I guess it doesn 't compare . You mention the nervousness and insecurities - you are spot on with that ! Liezel picks up my emotions in a frighteningly accurate way . If I 'm even feeling a little off , she starts acting nervous . Maybe that 's proof that she was meant to be mine : ) . I really think that most ( if not all ) Rottweilers are big babies ! ! Liezel 's whole issue is fear , she is afraid of strangers . But the people she knows … she will do anything you tell her for a treat , she wants to lick your face and get her belly rubbed . I 'm happy that your wife loves dogs now . Shelby sounds cute - for a little dog - hahaha ! I 'm more of a big dog kinda gal . Ecohug says : September 14 , 2016 at 11 : 35 am Great post , I really enjoyed reading it and wanted to tell you that you are a great dog mom for sticking it out and really working on helping Liezel . I wanted to ask if you tried anything more natural to relieve anxiety , like herbs that are designed to relax the dog ? We had something similar ( not as bad as yours ) with our dog , Maddie , when we brought her home and giving her some herbs really helped her be calm especially in her crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : September 14 , 2016 at 12 : 55 pm Hi ! Thank you for reading about Liezel ! Yes , she gets two Chinese herbs : Shen Calmer and Chai Hu Shu Gan . Both are from our vet . We noticed HUGE improvements once we started the herbs . At one point last winter I took her off of them since she was doing pretty good and we noticed regression in her reactivity . The vet recommended putting her back on them , and again , they brought her back to a calmer , less reactive dog . Reply 200 Saturdays until Paris says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 26 pm I love what a patient and kind person you have been with your baby . I know it has been hard , but I am so happy you didn 't give up . ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 38 pm Thank you ! She she is wonderful in many , many ways . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 20 , 2016 at 5 : 14 am I 'm exhausted reading what you have been through . Also if you need to have break , Liezel should be in good hands with the breeder . I look forward to reading if it gets better for you . Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 21 , 2016 at 5 : 02 am Yes it was long , but it was very thoroughly written . I was hoping desperately that peace and harmony would reign for you , but I had to wait until now to find out . But I am very glad it has gotten better for you . Good on your parents . John Chon says : November 14 , 2016 at 7 : 06 pm Your dog is so cute ! I really liked how thorough you were in this post . I can tell that you love your dog very much . It 's so great to see loving and responsible dog owners out there 🙂 Keep up the great work ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 15 , 2016 at 4 : 43 am Hi John ! Thank you ! We think she 's pretty cute , too . I 'm very glad you enjoyed reading about Liezel . She is doing so much better . LikeLiked by 1 person charlypriest says : November 17 , 2016 at 12 : 58 pm Cute dog , I myself have a recent addition to the family that is called Tina a bulldog of 7 months . What I find fascinating about all this is … . . the dog has a daycarecenter ! That is unheard here in Spain . That dog has better care as a youngster than I did . I 'm actually jealous . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 17 , 2016 at 2 : 34 pm Oh what we do for our pets here … ! Thank you for reading ! Yay for you and Tina ! There is something so wonderful about having a dog . Reply charlypriest says : November 18 , 2016 at 6 : 09 am She does puts me a smile on the face , although she can be a pain in the but quite a lot of times . Specially when she starts eating walls , chairs , sofas , socks , the list goes on . What a stomach this dog has , it 's bullet proof .
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Knowing nothing about blogs or blogging , I had a * great * idea this morning to start my own and write all about my dog . I considered writing a book … but would there be enough to say and would anyone care ? At least this way , I can get it all out in writing , look at what I 've got and see where it goes . We ( my husband and I ) brought home a 7 . 5 week Rottweiler puppy on January 17 , 2014 . We named her Liezel ( sounds like diesel ) , I 'll spare you the long AKC registered name . I was apprehensive because we had just gone though a painful year and a half of caring for a very sick Rottweiler , Zelda . We put her down just before her second birthday in September , 2013 , and it was heartbreaking . Zelda was my first dog , I loved her more than I knew was possible . Getting a new puppy was scary ( what if she 's sick ) and exciting ( puppies are fun and cute ) . My intention for getting a dog was not only companionship but also to compete in dog sports ( obedience , agility ) , ultimately Schutzhund . We were supposed to start puppy classes right away , but Liezel not having her 12 - week shots , I postponed classes until the " next semester " for fear she would get sick . From 8 weeks to 11 weeks , Liezel stayed home . I took a week off of work , my husband took a week off , and my retired parents stayed with her for a week during the day while we worked . Aside from hating the crate she seemed like a perfectly content pup . The neighbors came over to meet her and when she met their Rottweiler , she was in Heaven ! She took to him like he was her best friend . I wondered if she thought " Wow ! Something like me - just bigger . " I remember commenting that the neighbor 's dog looked at me with an expression of " get this mosquito away from me ! " She loved when he came over . During the 8 - to 12 - week age we had major snowfall in Michigan . We had to dig tracks in the yard for Liezel to go potty since the snow was deeper than she was tall . It was very cold and with the snow and salt we did not take her for walks . However , she went to the pet store ( I carried her ) , the vet , and my parents house for small amounts of exposure . I know , I know " 8 - to 12 - weeks is a critical time for socialization ! " My thought process was I would rather delay socialization a few weeks than take the chance of having another sick dog . At eleven weeks , Liezel started daycare . She couldn 't be with the other puppies yet because she still had a week to go for shots , but she was in the office with the employees - and out of the house . The daycare workers pointed out that she really hated being crated ( yep , we know ) . At home or daycare , while crated she would howl and cry to the point of peeing and / or pooping herself . Never was the crate used for punishment . The purpose of crating her was to create her own private space . The idea being she can go to her crate knowing that when there no one will bother her . It 's her " safe place . " In the meantime , until she realized it was her safe - place she would be crated for naps and at night . It got to the point during what should have been nap time ( she 's fallen asleep somewhere and we pick her up and put her in the crate ) she would just cry , scream and howl . I actually called the breeder and ask " what should we do ? ! " Some dogs don 't take to a crate so the advice was to just let her sleep wherever she laid down . She would still have to be crated at night since she wasn 't fully potty trained . I slept on the floor next to her for four weeks , slowly increasing the distance from her until I could get in to bed . Back to daycare , at 13 weeks she started playing with the other dogs ( shots at 12 weeks , then a week to recover ) . She played with the other puppies and came home worn out . For one hour during the day all the dogs are kenneled ( inside ) for a lunch break . Liezel was still getting three meals a day so this was her lunch and nap break . Being in the kennel alone was as bad as being crated . She would pee / poop herself and cry and howl . One day they had to bathe her because she was in such a tither she got poop all over herself . This was causing me to have some anxiety . I have a happy , healthy puppy who does not like to be crated . I start wondering ' how am I ever going to leave the house ? , ' ' how are we ever going to leave her alone ? , ' ' what have I gotten us into ? ' I talked to the trainer once we started puppy classes and she had some tips . 1 ) never let her out of the crate when she 's crying - doing so will teach her that crying gets her released . Um , she cries the whole time she 's in it . 2 ) hit a wall just outside the room where the crate is . It will get her attention and she will stop to listen . At that moment of silence go get her . 3 ) never tell her " good girl " when she 's coming out of the crate - doing so will teach her getting out is the reward . 4 ) do not show excitement when letting her out . Open the door and walk away . Getting out is not fun / exciting ; going in should be . So over the course of the next couple of months we worked on this . The living room crate for naps was removed and the bedroom crate for nighttime was moved from the foot of the bed to my side . The move would allow her to see down the hallway when she was crated when we went out . Here I should interject that " going out " meant running to the grocery store , maybe going out to dinner , or stopping by my parents ( they live two miles away ) . This wasn 't out to dinner , drinks , and a movie - or even an extended family get - together . We were gone an hour or less . When we got home the crate would be covered in drool and she would be panting . Separation anxiety ? Just complete fear of the crate ? What is the problem , here ? At five months old we stopped using the crate all together . She was locked in our bedroom by a baby gate when we went out and this was a much better solution . She was calmer and we found ( via recording ) that she would curl up on the bed and sleep while we were gone . No drooling , panting , or pacing . She also started sleeping with us at night . It seemed a better option than the nighttime crying , panting , drooling , etc . She jumped into bed , curled up , and that was that . We continued with classes . Puppy class was a great success ! She knew sit , down , shake , watch , and touch before class even started ( remember those several weeks she stayed home ? We were teaching her some stuff . ) so she was kinda the star student [ proud smile ] . By the time we got to intermediate / advanced obedience we noticed some undesirable behaviors . Also around this time , the weather had gotten better and we started taking walks where we also observed undesirable behavior . At class she began barking and attempting to run toward ( on leash ) other people . On a walk , once we got about two houses away , she would turn around pulling toward home . Her happy disposition changed to a vigilant , nervous one . If anyone came out and asked to pet her , she would shrink back and avoid being touched . When she was about 6 months old we were on a walk in the neighborhood . Approaching a driveway partially blocked by a Jeep , two remote control cars came toward us . Liezel barked and lunged at them . The cars were being run by two little boys and the adult started screaming , " Get that dog off of my property before I get my f - ing gun and shoot it . " Hmm . This seemed over - the - top . My then 6 - month old puppy , was startled by the things coming at her , and she reacted . The guy went crazy ! I pointed out to him that I was on city property and I had every right to be there . Well his threats continued so I called the police . He too called the police and was yelling " It 's a Rottweiler ! A ROTTWEILER ! " While on the phone with the police his wife approached me saying " Please , just leave . Please . " Another man in his group approached me saying , " Get out of here you bitch ! " The whole thing escalated very quickly and it really shook me and Liezel up . After this episode I became very nervous about walking Liezel . If you know anything about dogs , you know they feed off their owners ' feelings . So I 'm feeding her nervousness and anxiety by being nervous and anxious . Round and round it went . Around this time a few other things happened . We took a day trip to see the breeder and let her see Liezel . When Deb tried to pet Liezel 's head , Liezel back away . Deb asked me " You haven 't hit her have you ? " Nope . We went camping one weekend and Liezel was so frantic and worried she barked the entire time and got to the point of vomiting from nervousness . We actually took her for a car ride hoping 1 ) to calm her down and 2 ) let the other campers have some peace and quiet . She started barking and lunging at all strangers - going into and out of daycare , at agility class , on a walk , etc . All strangers . And she would freak out at the sound of any car door outside , the doorbell ( real or on TV ) , or the neighbors she could see in their house from the backyard . When I say " freaking out " she would jump up , front paws on the front door , scratching , barking , spit flying , hackles up . Most times there was nothing there . Then it would take an hour or more for her to calm down . I spoke with the trainer about all of this . She did not seem very concerned and gave the impression that Liezel could outgrow it . This was insufficient for me . I needed an action plan . We also had a guy out to our house who represented a company that used e - collars . The company came recommended to us by a family member . His presentation and explanation was really off - putting . We didn 't understand the concept and wondered how could we expect Liezel to understand if we didn 't . Additionally , he said " The dog will have to wear a muzzle in order for me to work with her . " I 'm not opposed to using a muzzle , but he made no attempt to interact with Liezel . His idea was put a muzzle on her and an e - collar and get started . Neither my husband nor I got a good feeling about this so the idea was quickly discarded . The third trainer , Lynn , taught me about thresholds . Not letting Liezel get to the point of reacting because once she was over threshold she was unable to learn . I guess it would be like trying to learn a new skill while being chased by a bear ? When something scary is happening to you , you are not in a learning frame of mind . Week after week for several months , Lynn came to our house and worked on keeping Liezel under threshold . Here 's how it started . Liezel was in the bedroom when Lynn arrived . She sat at the kitchen table while I went to get Liezel . Liezel and I came out of the bedroom one step at a time . When Liezel saw Lynn , I was to say " Good girl " give her a treat , and retreat to the bedroom . Her reward for looking and not reacting was getting to leave the scary thing / person . After weeks of this , we moved outside . Lynn would be across the street and I would walk Liezel . When Liezel looked at Lynn she was praised and treated . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the lesson was over . Lynn also gave me instructions on a dog training process that taught the dog to stay on a mat / bed / blanket while things went on around it . So day one you tell the dog " go to your mat " and treat her when she gets on it [ Liezel already knew " go to your bed " so this was not difficult to teach ] . Take one step away from the mat and come back with " good girl " and a treat . This goes on and on for weeks with progressively more difficult things like running around the dog / mat , leaving the room , opening the front door , and ringing the doorbell . When you get through the whole thing , you start all over again in a different room . We went through all of the weeks ( it took twice as long as the plan because you can 't move on to the next day if the dog gets off the mat today ) and then started the whole thing over in the backyard . Also during this time , we hired a stranger to do stranger approaches . I found a local pet walker and paid her to sit at one end of the parking lot of an empty factory building , while we , 500 feet away , tried to approach and stay under threshold . The instructions from Lynn on this exercise was to come out from behind the building and wait for Liezel to see the stranger . Once she did , " good girl " and retreat . Do it again and try to get a foot closer . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the training was over for the day . After a few months we could get about 450 feet away before Liezel reacted . I stopped taking her to agility with our original trainer . Liezel seemed to really like running the agility course , but on the sideline she would panic over the other people and dogs . It came to a point where I decided the fun of the course did not outweigh the stress of the sidelines . We talked with our vet about this , all of this . She had blood sent out to test for thyroid issues and the results came back normal . It was time to try medication . Our vet could not prescribe Prozac so we went to a recommended veterinary behaviorist who did . She put Liezel on 30mg / day . The intention of medication was to calm Liezel enough so we could continue working on training under threshold . We were becoming a bit reclusive . An entire summer went by and we never took our camper out of storage . I was avoiding any talk of vacation because I didn 't know what we would do with her . When she was 14 months old we did go on vacation and left her with our original trainer . I checked in with the trainer everyday but got vague responses . Come to find out , Liezel just paced the whole time we were gone . During said summer when we didn 't camp , I came across a trainer that I had emailed months before but never heard back from . He was a police dog trainer so I assumed my issues with Liezel probably weren 't what he was looking to work with . He had a booth set up at a city festival advertising dog training , specifically aggression . I found my original email to him , forwarded it with a note saying " Hey , just saw you at the festival . Please see my email below from several months ago and let me know if you can help . " Simply , Z says : June 18 , 2016 at 10 : 35 am Interesting thoughts . We had a puppy too but sadly parted with her because of allergies . We found a nice home for her . I could relate to your puppy " hating " her crate . I will definitely refer to your blog when we get a second chance . Keep writing . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 18 , 2016 at 11 : 40 am Thank you ! It 's been hard having a fearful dog but also very rewarding ! I hope my lessons can help some one else . Reply Tim Taylor says : June 19 , 2016 at 9 : 14 am I 've read all your posts and I have to say they are extremely interesting . My favorite breed is a Doberman , next is German Shepard and then Rottweilers . I hate little yappin ' dogs with a passion . I absolutely love Wolves and I almost got one once upon a time . For me , that would have been a dream come true . Keep writin ' , ' cause now I wanna know how Liezel progresses ! I , too , have a pooch who doesn 't like the crate idea . She does the same panting , drooling thing , plus licks her front legs into sopping appendages ! I went for the baby gate idea , as well , because it didn 't make any sense to continue to upset her so badly with the crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 24 , 2016 at 5 : 56 pm Thank you ! And thank you for following me . Liezel has been trying , but when I look into her little brown almond eyes , I know she was meant for me and me for her . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply jay1991katira says : June 28 , 2016 at 1 : 33 am Nice one , You gave me nice snaps of pet . I love dogs . thank you Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 7 , 2016 at 8 : 17 am I love dogs , too ! They 're loyal and loving . I 'm glad you like the pictures ! Reply frankprem says : July 1 , 2016 at 6 : 47 pm Gorgeous looking dog . Best luck with raising her , and much enjoyment . Cheers , Frank Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 18 , 2016 at 2 : 26 pm Thanks , Laura . I need to commit some time to writing . We 've had a house guest for two weeks and she 's exhausting ! Reply Vaibhav says : July 26 , 2016 at 6 : 26 am Hi again , thanks for stopping by . I read this post and have to say this - I 'm not a dog person at all , bit scared actually and love cats . However , Liezel looks so adorable . A missed vacation sounds terrible but am sure this phase will pass . Great blog title - it will go places . Have a nice day . Reply txhomegirl says : July 27 , 2016 at 5 : 00 pm Good blog ! I have to know what happened . I love Rotts . I 've owned two males and now own a female . She is much more skittish than my males were . Reply hadleylovesgus says : August 9 , 2016 at 12 : 36 pm I feel your pain ! We have our little yorkie , Gus , who suffers from fear of strangers as well . We are in the process of working with him now too . Thank you for writing ! I am hopeful to do a similar documentation of our journey as its been a great help to hear of other stories of people like us who are working hard to help a pup in this type of situation . Thank you ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 9 , 2016 at 5 : 42 pm I 'm so happy to be able to share this experience with you ! The anxiety and constant stress of Liezel 's fear has been tiresome . Every little accomplishment is celebrated because we 're that much closer to her being comfortable . Thank you for reading . I look forward to hearing more about Gus . LikeLike Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 10 am What a captivating story . Hats off to you for sticking with Liezel . She is truly lucky to have found you guys . We 're having some issues with our Bella ( nothing as severe as this ) and reading this makes me believe there might be hope yet 🙂 Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 14 am Hi Diya . Thanks for reading about Liezel ! Yes , there is hope ! With a good trainer and a lot of patience , improvement can be made . What is Bella doing ? Is she fearful ? Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 22 am Yes she is . Goes on full alert , growls and barks persistently when someone dares to pass by our front door . Thankfully she doesn 't lunge at anyone and sometimes I think she barks more out of fear than possessiveness of her territory . Part of it may just be us reading the signs wrong . We are first time dog owners and are only fostering her for a few weeks . She seems okay at times and just when we think she has finally acclimatized she starts up again . But she 's a sweetheart and we will be sorry to see her go . owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 2 : 54 pm I wish that just once in a while they could talk . All the best with Bella ! LikeLike Vernon says : August 27 , 2016 at 5 : 11 am Hi I 'm a passionate Rottweiler owner . I understand your lost with Zelda . When I lost my first Rott name BAR I said I would never own another dog . It took me years to get over him . Today we have our third one name Sebastian . It was my wife first time ever owning a dog . He had anxiety and tried to run our home when we first got him . I never had a crate with my first two dogs so when Nicole said he have to stay in one until we get him trained from chewing everything I wasn 't sure about it . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 27 , 2016 at 8 : 00 am Hi Vernon ! Your comment made me smile first thing this morning ! Yes , Rottweilers have special personalities . I 'm sorry for your loss of BAR . It is so very painful . Congratulations on opening your heart and home to other dogs - they really do make home a better place . For your wife , a first time male Rottweiler is a brave place to start ! According to the breeder we used , the males goes through an ownership phase where they test you to see what they can get away with . Sure , female go through terrible twos , but I guess it doesn 't compare . You mention the nervousness and insecurities - you are spot on with that ! Liezel picks up my emotions in a frighteningly accurate way . If I 'm even feeling a little off , she starts acting nervous . Maybe that 's proof that she was meant to be mine : ) . I really think that most ( if not all ) Rottweilers are big babies ! ! Liezel 's whole issue is fear , she is afraid of strangers . But the people she knows … she will do anything you tell her for a treat , she wants to lick your face and get her belly rubbed . I 'm happy that your wife loves dogs now . Shelby sounds cute - for a little dog - hahaha ! I 'm more of a big dog kinda gal . Ecohug says : September 14 , 2016 at 11 : 35 am Great post , I really enjoyed reading it and wanted to tell you that you are a great dog mom for sticking it out and really working on helping Liezel . I wanted to ask if you tried anything more natural to relieve anxiety , like herbs that are designed to relax the dog ? We had something similar ( not as bad as yours ) with our dog , Maddie , when we brought her home and giving her some herbs really helped her be calm especially in her crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : September 14 , 2016 at 12 : 55 pm Hi ! Thank you for reading about Liezel ! Yes , she gets two Chinese herbs : Shen Calmer and Chai Hu Shu Gan . Both are from our vet . We noticed HUGE improvements once we started the herbs . At one point last winter I took her off of them since she was doing pretty good and we noticed regression in her reactivity . The vet recommended putting her back on them , and again , they brought her back to a calmer , less reactive dog . Reply 200 Saturdays until Paris says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 26 pm I love what a patient and kind person you have been with your baby . I know it has been hard , but I am so happy you didn 't give up . ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 38 pm Thank you ! She she is wonderful in many , many ways . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 20 , 2016 at 5 : 14 am I 'm exhausted reading what you have been through . Also if you need to have break , Liezel should be in good hands with the breeder . I look forward to reading if it gets better for you . Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 21 , 2016 at 5 : 02 am Yes it was long , but it was very thoroughly written . I was hoping desperately that peace and harmony would reign for you , but I had to wait until now to find out . But I am very glad it has gotten better for you . Good on your parents . John Chon says : November 14 , 2016 at 7 : 06 pm Your dog is so cute ! I really liked how thorough you were in this post . I can tell that you love your dog very much . It 's so great to see loving and responsible dog owners out there 🙂 Keep up the great work ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 15 , 2016 at 4 : 43 am Hi John ! Thank you ! We think she 's pretty cute , too . I 'm very glad you enjoyed reading about Liezel . She is doing so much better . LikeLiked by 1 person charlypriest says : November 17 , 2016 at 12 : 58 pm Cute dog , I myself have a recent addition to the family that is called Tina a bulldog of 7 months . What I find fascinating about all this is … . . the dog has a daycarecenter ! That is unheard here in Spain . That dog has better care as a youngster than I did . I 'm actually jealous . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 17 , 2016 at 2 : 34 pm Oh what we do for our pets here … ! Thank you for reading ! Yay for you and Tina ! There is something so wonderful about having a dog . Reply charlypriest says : November 18 , 2016 at 6 : 09 am She does puts me a smile on the face , although she can be a pain in the but quite a lot of times . Specially when she starts eating walls , chairs , sofas , socks , the list goes on . What a stomach this dog has , it 's bullet proof .
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Knowing nothing about blogs or blogging , I had a * great * idea this morning to start my own and write all about my dog . I considered writing a book … but would there be enough to say and would anyone care ? At least this way , I can get it all out in writing , look at what I 've got and see where it goes . We ( my husband and I ) brought home a 7 . 5 week Rottweiler puppy on January 17 , 2014 . We named her Liezel ( sounds like diesel ) , I 'll spare you the long AKC registered name . I was apprehensive because we had just gone though a painful year and a half of caring for a very sick Rottweiler , Zelda . We put her down just before her second birthday in September , 2013 , and it was heartbreaking . Zelda was my first dog , I loved her more than I knew was possible . Getting a new puppy was scary ( what if she 's sick ) and exciting ( puppies are fun and cute ) . My intention for getting a dog was not only companionship but also to compete in dog sports ( obedience , agility ) , ultimately Schutzhund . We were supposed to start puppy classes right away , but Liezel not having her 12 - week shots , I postponed classes until the " next semester " for fear she would get sick . From 8 weeks to 11 weeks , Liezel stayed home . I took a week off of work , my husband took a week off , and my retired parents stayed with her for a week during the day while we worked . Aside from hating the crate she seemed like a perfectly content pup . The neighbors came over to meet her and when she met their Rottweiler , she was in Heaven ! She took to him like he was her best friend . I wondered if she thought " Wow ! Something like me - just bigger . " I remember commenting that the neighbor 's dog looked at me with an expression of " get this mosquito away from me ! " She loved when he came over . During the 8 - to 12 - week age we had major snowfall in Michigan . We had to dig tracks in the yard for Liezel to go potty since the snow was deeper than she was tall . It was very cold and with the snow and salt we did not take her for walks . However , she went to the pet store ( I carried her ) , the vet , and my parents house for small amounts of exposure . I know , I know " 8 - to 12 - weeks is a critical time for socialization ! " My thought process was I would rather delay socialization a few weeks than take the chance of having another sick dog . At eleven weeks , Liezel started daycare . She couldn 't be with the other puppies yet because she still had a week to go for shots , but she was in the office with the employees - and out of the house . The daycare workers pointed out that she really hated being crated ( yep , we know ) . At home or daycare , while crated she would howl and cry to the point of peeing and / or pooping herself . Never was the crate used for punishment . The purpose of crating her was to create her own private space . The idea being she can go to her crate knowing that when there no one will bother her . It 's her " safe place . " In the meantime , until she realized it was her safe - place she would be crated for naps and at night . It got to the point during what should have been nap time ( she 's fallen asleep somewhere and we pick her up and put her in the crate ) she would just cry , scream and howl . I actually called the breeder and ask " what should we do ? ! " Some dogs don 't take to a crate so the advice was to just let her sleep wherever she laid down . She would still have to be crated at night since she wasn 't fully potty trained . I slept on the floor next to her for four weeks , slowly increasing the distance from her until I could get in to bed . Back to daycare , at 13 weeks she started playing with the other dogs ( shots at 12 weeks , then a week to recover ) . She played with the other puppies and came home worn out . For one hour during the day all the dogs are kenneled ( inside ) for a lunch break . Liezel was still getting three meals a day so this was her lunch and nap break . Being in the kennel alone was as bad as being crated . She would pee / poop herself and cry and howl . One day they had to bathe her because she was in such a tither she got poop all over herself . This was causing me to have some anxiety . I have a happy , healthy puppy who does not like to be crated . I start wondering ' how am I ever going to leave the house ? , ' ' how are we ever going to leave her alone ? , ' ' what have I gotten us into ? ' I talked to the trainer once we started puppy classes and she had some tips . 1 ) never let her out of the crate when she 's crying - doing so will teach her that crying gets her released . Um , she cries the whole time she 's in it . 2 ) hit a wall just outside the room where the crate is . It will get her attention and she will stop to listen . At that moment of silence go get her . 3 ) never tell her " good girl " when she 's coming out of the crate - doing so will teach her getting out is the reward . 4 ) do not show excitement when letting her out . Open the door and walk away . Getting out is not fun / exciting ; going in should be . So over the course of the next couple of months we worked on this . The living room crate for naps was removed and the bedroom crate for nighttime was moved from the foot of the bed to my side . The move would allow her to see down the hallway when she was crated when we went out . Here I should interject that " going out " meant running to the grocery store , maybe going out to dinner , or stopping by my parents ( they live two miles away ) . This wasn 't out to dinner , drinks , and a movie - or even an extended family get - together . We were gone an hour or less . When we got home the crate would be covered in drool and she would be panting . Separation anxiety ? Just complete fear of the crate ? What is the problem , here ? At five months old we stopped using the crate all together . She was locked in our bedroom by a baby gate when we went out and this was a much better solution . She was calmer and we found ( via recording ) that she would curl up on the bed and sleep while we were gone . No drooling , panting , or pacing . She also started sleeping with us at night . It seemed a better option than the nighttime crying , panting , drooling , etc . She jumped into bed , curled up , and that was that . We continued with classes . Puppy class was a great success ! She knew sit , down , shake , watch , and touch before class even started ( remember those several weeks she stayed home ? We were teaching her some stuff . ) so she was kinda the star student [ proud smile ] . By the time we got to intermediate / advanced obedience we noticed some undesirable behaviors . Also around this time , the weather had gotten better and we started taking walks where we also observed undesirable behavior . At class she began barking and attempting to run toward ( on leash ) other people . On a walk , once we got about two houses away , she would turn around pulling toward home . Her happy disposition changed to a vigilant , nervous one . If anyone came out and asked to pet her , she would shrink back and avoid being touched . When she was about 6 months old we were on a walk in the neighborhood . Approaching a driveway partially blocked by a Jeep , two remote control cars came toward us . Liezel barked and lunged at them . The cars were being run by two little boys and the adult started screaming , " Get that dog off of my property before I get my f - ing gun and shoot it . " Hmm . This seemed over - the - top . My then 6 - month old puppy , was startled by the things coming at her , and she reacted . The guy went crazy ! I pointed out to him that I was on city property and I had every right to be there . Well his threats continued so I called the police . He too called the police and was yelling " It 's a Rottweiler ! A ROTTWEILER ! " While on the phone with the police his wife approached me saying " Please , just leave . Please . " Another man in his group approached me saying , " Get out of here you bitch ! " The whole thing escalated very quickly and it really shook me and Liezel up . After this episode I became very nervous about walking Liezel . If you know anything about dogs , you know they feed off their owners ' feelings . So I 'm feeding her nervousness and anxiety by being nervous and anxious . Round and round it went . Around this time a few other things happened . We took a day trip to see the breeder and let her see Liezel . When Deb tried to pet Liezel 's head , Liezel back away . Deb asked me " You haven 't hit her have you ? " Nope . We went camping one weekend and Liezel was so frantic and worried she barked the entire time and got to the point of vomiting from nervousness . We actually took her for a car ride hoping 1 ) to calm her down and 2 ) let the other campers have some peace and quiet . She started barking and lunging at all strangers - going into and out of daycare , at agility class , on a walk , etc . All strangers . And she would freak out at the sound of any car door outside , the doorbell ( real or on TV ) , or the neighbors she could see in their house from the backyard . When I say " freaking out " she would jump up , front paws on the front door , scratching , barking , spit flying , hackles up . Most times there was nothing there . Then it would take an hour or more for her to calm down . I spoke with the trainer about all of this . She did not seem very concerned and gave the impression that Liezel could outgrow it . This was insufficient for me . I needed an action plan . We also had a guy out to our house who represented a company that used e - collars . The company came recommended to us by a family member . His presentation and explanation was really off - putting . We didn 't understand the concept and wondered how could we expect Liezel to understand if we didn 't . Additionally , he said " The dog will have to wear a muzzle in order for me to work with her . " I 'm not opposed to using a muzzle , but he made no attempt to interact with Liezel . His idea was put a muzzle on her and an e - collar and get started . Neither my husband nor I got a good feeling about this so the idea was quickly discarded . The third trainer , Lynn , taught me about thresholds . Not letting Liezel get to the point of reacting because once she was over threshold she was unable to learn . I guess it would be like trying to learn a new skill while being chased by a bear ? When something scary is happening to you , you are not in a learning frame of mind . Week after week for several months , Lynn came to our house and worked on keeping Liezel under threshold . Here 's how it started . Liezel was in the bedroom when Lynn arrived . She sat at the kitchen table while I went to get Liezel . Liezel and I came out of the bedroom one step at a time . When Liezel saw Lynn , I was to say " Good girl " give her a treat , and retreat to the bedroom . Her reward for looking and not reacting was getting to leave the scary thing / person . After weeks of this , we moved outside . Lynn would be across the street and I would walk Liezel . When Liezel looked at Lynn she was praised and treated . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the lesson was over . Lynn also gave me instructions on a dog training process that taught the dog to stay on a mat / bed / blanket while things went on around it . So day one you tell the dog " go to your mat " and treat her when she gets on it [ Liezel already knew " go to your bed " so this was not difficult to teach ] . Take one step away from the mat and come back with " good girl " and a treat . This goes on and on for weeks with progressively more difficult things like running around the dog / mat , leaving the room , opening the front door , and ringing the doorbell . When you get through the whole thing , you start all over again in a different room . We went through all of the weeks ( it took twice as long as the plan because you can 't move on to the next day if the dog gets off the mat today ) and then started the whole thing over in the backyard . Also during this time , we hired a stranger to do stranger approaches . I found a local pet walker and paid her to sit at one end of the parking lot of an empty factory building , while we , 500 feet away , tried to approach and stay under threshold . The instructions from Lynn on this exercise was to come out from behind the building and wait for Liezel to see the stranger . Once she did , " good girl " and retreat . Do it again and try to get a foot closer . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the training was over for the day . After a few months we could get about 450 feet away before Liezel reacted . I stopped taking her to agility with our original trainer . Liezel seemed to really like running the agility course , but on the sideline she would panic over the other people and dogs . It came to a point where I decided the fun of the course did not outweigh the stress of the sidelines . We talked with our vet about this , all of this . She had blood sent out to test for thyroid issues and the results came back normal . It was time to try medication . Our vet could not prescribe Prozac so we went to a recommended veterinary behaviorist who did . She put Liezel on 30mg / day . The intention of medication was to calm Liezel enough so we could continue working on training under threshold . We were becoming a bit reclusive . An entire summer went by and we never took our camper out of storage . I was avoiding any talk of vacation because I didn 't know what we would do with her . When she was 14 months old we did go on vacation and left her with our original trainer . I checked in with the trainer everyday but got vague responses . Come to find out , Liezel just paced the whole time we were gone . During said summer when we didn 't camp , I came across a trainer that I had emailed months before but never heard back from . He was a police dog trainer so I assumed my issues with Liezel probably weren 't what he was looking to work with . He had a booth set up at a city festival advertising dog training , specifically aggression . I found my original email to him , forwarded it with a note saying " Hey , just saw you at the festival . Please see my email below from several months ago and let me know if you can help . " Simply , Z says : June 18 , 2016 at 10 : 35 am Interesting thoughts . We had a puppy too but sadly parted with her because of allergies . We found a nice home for her . I could relate to your puppy " hating " her crate . I will definitely refer to your blog when we get a second chance . Keep writing . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 18 , 2016 at 11 : 40 am Thank you ! It 's been hard having a fearful dog but also very rewarding ! I hope my lessons can help some one else . Reply Tim Taylor says : June 19 , 2016 at 9 : 14 am I 've read all your posts and I have to say they are extremely interesting . My favorite breed is a Doberman , next is German Shepard and then Rottweilers . I hate little yappin ' dogs with a passion . I absolutely love Wolves and I almost got one once upon a time . For me , that would have been a dream come true . Keep writin ' , ' cause now I wanna know how Liezel progresses ! I , too , have a pooch who doesn 't like the crate idea . She does the same panting , drooling thing , plus licks her front legs into sopping appendages ! I went for the baby gate idea , as well , because it didn 't make any sense to continue to upset her so badly with the crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 24 , 2016 at 5 : 56 pm Thank you ! And thank you for following me . Liezel has been trying , but when I look into her little brown almond eyes , I know she was meant for me and me for her . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply jay1991katira says : June 28 , 2016 at 1 : 33 am Nice one , You gave me nice snaps of pet . I love dogs . thank you Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 7 , 2016 at 8 : 17 am I love dogs , too ! They 're loyal and loving . I 'm glad you like the pictures ! Reply frankprem says : July 1 , 2016 at 6 : 47 pm Gorgeous looking dog . Best luck with raising her , and much enjoyment . Cheers , Frank Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 18 , 2016 at 2 : 26 pm Thanks , Laura . I need to commit some time to writing . We 've had a house guest for two weeks and she 's exhausting ! Reply Vaibhav says : July 26 , 2016 at 6 : 26 am Hi again , thanks for stopping by . I read this post and have to say this - I 'm not a dog person at all , bit scared actually and love cats . However , Liezel looks so adorable . A missed vacation sounds terrible but am sure this phase will pass . Great blog title - it will go places . Have a nice day . Reply txhomegirl says : July 27 , 2016 at 5 : 00 pm Good blog ! I have to know what happened . I love Rotts . I 've owned two males and now own a female . She is much more skittish than my males were . Reply hadleylovesgus says : August 9 , 2016 at 12 : 36 pm I feel your pain ! We have our little yorkie , Gus , who suffers from fear of strangers as well . We are in the process of working with him now too . Thank you for writing ! I am hopeful to do a similar documentation of our journey as its been a great help to hear of other stories of people like us who are working hard to help a pup in this type of situation . Thank you ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 9 , 2016 at 5 : 42 pm I 'm so happy to be able to share this experience with you ! The anxiety and constant stress of Liezel 's fear has been tiresome . Every little accomplishment is celebrated because we 're that much closer to her being comfortable . Thank you for reading . I look forward to hearing more about Gus . LikeLike Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 10 am What a captivating story . Hats off to you for sticking with Liezel . She is truly lucky to have found you guys . We 're having some issues with our Bella ( nothing as severe as this ) and reading this makes me believe there might be hope yet 🙂 Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 14 am Hi Diya . Thanks for reading about Liezel ! Yes , there is hope ! With a good trainer and a lot of patience , improvement can be made . What is Bella doing ? Is she fearful ? Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 22 am Yes she is . Goes on full alert , growls and barks persistently when someone dares to pass by our front door . Thankfully she doesn 't lunge at anyone and sometimes I think she barks more out of fear than possessiveness of her territory . Part of it may just be us reading the signs wrong . We are first time dog owners and are only fostering her for a few weeks . She seems okay at times and just when we think she has finally acclimatized she starts up again . But she 's a sweetheart and we will be sorry to see her go . owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 2 : 54 pm I wish that just once in a while they could talk . All the best with Bella ! LikeLike Vernon says : August 27 , 2016 at 5 : 11 am Hi I 'm a passionate Rottweiler owner . I understand your lost with Zelda . When I lost my first Rott name BAR I said I would never own another dog . It took me years to get over him . Today we have our third one name Sebastian . It was my wife first time ever owning a dog . He had anxiety and tried to run our home when we first got him . I never had a crate with my first two dogs so when Nicole said he have to stay in one until we get him trained from chewing everything I wasn 't sure about it . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 27 , 2016 at 8 : 00 am Hi Vernon ! Your comment made me smile first thing this morning ! Yes , Rottweilers have special personalities . I 'm sorry for your loss of BAR . It is so very painful . Congratulations on opening your heart and home to other dogs - they really do make home a better place . For your wife , a first time male Rottweiler is a brave place to start ! According to the breeder we used , the males goes through an ownership phase where they test you to see what they can get away with . Sure , female go through terrible twos , but I guess it doesn 't compare . You mention the nervousness and insecurities - you are spot on with that ! Liezel picks up my emotions in a frighteningly accurate way . If I 'm even feeling a little off , she starts acting nervous . Maybe that 's proof that she was meant to be mine : ) . I really think that most ( if not all ) Rottweilers are big babies ! ! Liezel 's whole issue is fear , she is afraid of strangers . But the people she knows … she will do anything you tell her for a treat , she wants to lick your face and get her belly rubbed . I 'm happy that your wife loves dogs now . Shelby sounds cute - for a little dog - hahaha ! I 'm more of a big dog kinda gal . Ecohug says : September 14 , 2016 at 11 : 35 am Great post , I really enjoyed reading it and wanted to tell you that you are a great dog mom for sticking it out and really working on helping Liezel . I wanted to ask if you tried anything more natural to relieve anxiety , like herbs that are designed to relax the dog ? We had something similar ( not as bad as yours ) with our dog , Maddie , when we brought her home and giving her some herbs really helped her be calm especially in her crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : September 14 , 2016 at 12 : 55 pm Hi ! Thank you for reading about Liezel ! Yes , she gets two Chinese herbs : Shen Calmer and Chai Hu Shu Gan . Both are from our vet . We noticed HUGE improvements once we started the herbs . At one point last winter I took her off of them since she was doing pretty good and we noticed regression in her reactivity . The vet recommended putting her back on them , and again , they brought her back to a calmer , less reactive dog . Reply 200 Saturdays until Paris says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 26 pm I love what a patient and kind person you have been with your baby . I know it has been hard , but I am so happy you didn 't give up . ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 38 pm Thank you ! She she is wonderful in many , many ways . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 20 , 2016 at 5 : 14 am I 'm exhausted reading what you have been through . Also if you need to have break , Liezel should be in good hands with the breeder . I look forward to reading if it gets better for you . Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 21 , 2016 at 5 : 02 am Yes it was long , but it was very thoroughly written . I was hoping desperately that peace and harmony would reign for you , but I had to wait until now to find out . But I am very glad it has gotten better for you . Good on your parents . John Chon says : November 14 , 2016 at 7 : 06 pm Your dog is so cute ! I really liked how thorough you were in this post . I can tell that you love your dog very much . It 's so great to see loving and responsible dog owners out there 🙂 Keep up the great work ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 15 , 2016 at 4 : 43 am Hi John ! Thank you ! We think she 's pretty cute , too . I 'm very glad you enjoyed reading about Liezel . She is doing so much better . LikeLiked by 1 person charlypriest says : November 17 , 2016 at 12 : 58 pm Cute dog , I myself have a recent addition to the family that is called Tina a bulldog of 7 months . What I find fascinating about all this is … . . the dog has a daycarecenter ! That is unheard here in Spain . That dog has better care as a youngster than I did . I 'm actually jealous . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 17 , 2016 at 2 : 34 pm Oh what we do for our pets here … ! Thank you for reading ! Yay for you and Tina ! There is something so wonderful about having a dog . Reply charlypriest says : November 18 , 2016 at 6 : 09 am She does puts me a smile on the face , although she can be a pain in the but quite a lot of times . Specially when she starts eating walls , chairs , sofas , socks , the list goes on . What a stomach this dog has , it 's bullet proof .
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Knowing nothing about blogs or blogging , I had a * great * idea this morning to start my own and write all about my dog . I considered writing a book … but would there be enough to say and would anyone care ? At least this way , I can get it all out in writing , look at what I 've got and see where it goes . We ( my husband and I ) brought home a 7 . 5 week Rottweiler puppy on January 17 , 2014 . We named her Liezel ( sounds like diesel ) , I 'll spare you the long AKC registered name . I was apprehensive because we had just gone though a painful year and a half of caring for a very sick Rottweiler , Zelda . We put her down just before her second birthday in September , 2013 , and it was heartbreaking . Zelda was my first dog , I loved her more than I knew was possible . Getting a new puppy was scary ( what if she 's sick ) and exciting ( puppies are fun and cute ) . My intention for getting a dog was not only companionship but also to compete in dog sports ( obedience , agility ) , ultimately Schutzhund . We were supposed to start puppy classes right away , but Liezel not having her 12 - week shots , I postponed classes until the " next semester " for fear she would get sick . From 8 weeks to 11 weeks , Liezel stayed home . I took a week off of work , my husband took a week off , and my retired parents stayed with her for a week during the day while we worked . Aside from hating the crate she seemed like a perfectly content pup . The neighbors came over to meet her and when she met their Rottweiler , she was in Heaven ! She took to him like he was her best friend . I wondered if she thought " Wow ! Something like me - just bigger . " I remember commenting that the neighbor 's dog looked at me with an expression of " get this mosquito away from me ! " She loved when he came over . During the 8 - to 12 - week age we had major snowfall in Michigan . We had to dig tracks in the yard for Liezel to go potty since the snow was deeper than she was tall . It was very cold and with the snow and salt we did not take her for walks . However , she went to the pet store ( I carried her ) , the vet , and my parents house for small amounts of exposure . I know , I know " 8 - to 12 - weeks is a critical time for socialization ! " My thought process was I would rather delay socialization a few weeks than take the chance of having another sick dog . At eleven weeks , Liezel started daycare . She couldn 't be with the other puppies yet because she still had a week to go for shots , but she was in the office with the employees - and out of the house . The daycare workers pointed out that she really hated being crated ( yep , we know ) . At home or daycare , while crated she would howl and cry to the point of peeing and / or pooping herself . Never was the crate used for punishment . The purpose of crating her was to create her own private space . The idea being she can go to her crate knowing that when there no one will bother her . It 's her " safe place . " In the meantime , until she realized it was her safe - place she would be crated for naps and at night . It got to the point during what should have been nap time ( she 's fallen asleep somewhere and we pick her up and put her in the crate ) she would just cry , scream and howl . I actually called the breeder and ask " what should we do ? ! " Some dogs don 't take to a crate so the advice was to just let her sleep wherever she laid down . She would still have to be crated at night since she wasn 't fully potty trained . I slept on the floor next to her for four weeks , slowly increasing the distance from her until I could get in to bed . Back to daycare , at 13 weeks she started playing with the other dogs ( shots at 12 weeks , then a week to recover ) . She played with the other puppies and came home worn out . For one hour during the day all the dogs are kenneled ( inside ) for a lunch break . Liezel was still getting three meals a day so this was her lunch and nap break . Being in the kennel alone was as bad as being crated . She would pee / poop herself and cry and howl . One day they had to bathe her because she was in such a tither she got poop all over herself . This was causing me to have some anxiety . I have a happy , healthy puppy who does not like to be crated . I start wondering ' how am I ever going to leave the house ? , ' ' how are we ever going to leave her alone ? , ' ' what have I gotten us into ? ' I talked to the trainer once we started puppy classes and she had some tips . 1 ) never let her out of the crate when she 's crying - doing so will teach her that crying gets her released . Um , she cries the whole time she 's in it . 2 ) hit a wall just outside the room where the crate is . It will get her attention and she will stop to listen . At that moment of silence go get her . 3 ) never tell her " good girl " when she 's coming out of the crate - doing so will teach her getting out is the reward . 4 ) do not show excitement when letting her out . Open the door and walk away . Getting out is not fun / exciting ; going in should be . So over the course of the next couple of months we worked on this . The living room crate for naps was removed and the bedroom crate for nighttime was moved from the foot of the bed to my side . The move would allow her to see down the hallway when she was crated when we went out . Here I should interject that " going out " meant running to the grocery store , maybe going out to dinner , or stopping by my parents ( they live two miles away ) . This wasn 't out to dinner , drinks , and a movie - or even an extended family get - together . We were gone an hour or less . When we got home the crate would be covered in drool and she would be panting . Separation anxiety ? Just complete fear of the crate ? What is the problem , here ? At five months old we stopped using the crate all together . She was locked in our bedroom by a baby gate when we went out and this was a much better solution . She was calmer and we found ( via recording ) that she would curl up on the bed and sleep while we were gone . No drooling , panting , or pacing . She also started sleeping with us at night . It seemed a better option than the nighttime crying , panting , drooling , etc . She jumped into bed , curled up , and that was that . We continued with classes . Puppy class was a great success ! She knew sit , down , shake , watch , and touch before class even started ( remember those several weeks she stayed home ? We were teaching her some stuff . ) so she was kinda the star student [ proud smile ] . By the time we got to intermediate / advanced obedience we noticed some undesirable behaviors . Also around this time , the weather had gotten better and we started taking walks where we also observed undesirable behavior . At class she began barking and attempting to run toward ( on leash ) other people . On a walk , once we got about two houses away , she would turn around pulling toward home . Her happy disposition changed to a vigilant , nervous one . If anyone came out and asked to pet her , she would shrink back and avoid being touched . When she was about 6 months old we were on a walk in the neighborhood . Approaching a driveway partially blocked by a Jeep , two remote control cars came toward us . Liezel barked and lunged at them . The cars were being run by two little boys and the adult started screaming , " Get that dog off of my property before I get my f - ing gun and shoot it . " Hmm . This seemed over - the - top . My then 6 - month old puppy , was startled by the things coming at her , and she reacted . The guy went crazy ! I pointed out to him that I was on city property and I had every right to be there . Well his threats continued so I called the police . He too called the police and was yelling " It 's a Rottweiler ! A ROTTWEILER ! " While on the phone with the police his wife approached me saying " Please , just leave . Please . " Another man in his group approached me saying , " Get out of here you bitch ! " The whole thing escalated very quickly and it really shook me and Liezel up . After this episode I became very nervous about walking Liezel . If you know anything about dogs , you know they feed off their owners ' feelings . So I 'm feeding her nervousness and anxiety by being nervous and anxious . Round and round it went . Around this time a few other things happened . We took a day trip to see the breeder and let her see Liezel . When Deb tried to pet Liezel 's head , Liezel back away . Deb asked me " You haven 't hit her have you ? " Nope . We went camping one weekend and Liezel was so frantic and worried she barked the entire time and got to the point of vomiting from nervousness . We actually took her for a car ride hoping 1 ) to calm her down and 2 ) let the other campers have some peace and quiet . She started barking and lunging at all strangers - going into and out of daycare , at agility class , on a walk , etc . All strangers . And she would freak out at the sound of any car door outside , the doorbell ( real or on TV ) , or the neighbors she could see in their house from the backyard . When I say " freaking out " she would jump up , front paws on the front door , scratching , barking , spit flying , hackles up . Most times there was nothing there . Then it would take an hour or more for her to calm down . I spoke with the trainer about all of this . She did not seem very concerned and gave the impression that Liezel could outgrow it . This was insufficient for me . I needed an action plan . We also had a guy out to our house who represented a company that used e - collars . The company came recommended to us by a family member . His presentation and explanation was really off - putting . We didn 't understand the concept and wondered how could we expect Liezel to understand if we didn 't . Additionally , he said " The dog will have to wear a muzzle in order for me to work with her . " I 'm not opposed to using a muzzle , but he made no attempt to interact with Liezel . His idea was put a muzzle on her and an e - collar and get started . Neither my husband nor I got a good feeling about this so the idea was quickly discarded . The third trainer , Lynn , taught me about thresholds . Not letting Liezel get to the point of reacting because once she was over threshold she was unable to learn . I guess it would be like trying to learn a new skill while being chased by a bear ? When something scary is happening to you , you are not in a learning frame of mind . Week after week for several months , Lynn came to our house and worked on keeping Liezel under threshold . Here 's how it started . Liezel was in the bedroom when Lynn arrived . She sat at the kitchen table while I went to get Liezel . Liezel and I came out of the bedroom one step at a time . When Liezel saw Lynn , I was to say " Good girl " give her a treat , and retreat to the bedroom . Her reward for looking and not reacting was getting to leave the scary thing / person . After weeks of this , we moved outside . Lynn would be across the street and I would walk Liezel . When Liezel looked at Lynn she was praised and treated . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the lesson was over . Lynn also gave me instructions on a dog training process that taught the dog to stay on a mat / bed / blanket while things went on around it . So day one you tell the dog " go to your mat " and treat her when she gets on it [ Liezel already knew " go to your bed " so this was not difficult to teach ] . Take one step away from the mat and come back with " good girl " and a treat . This goes on and on for weeks with progressively more difficult things like running around the dog / mat , leaving the room , opening the front door , and ringing the doorbell . When you get through the whole thing , you start all over again in a different room . We went through all of the weeks ( it took twice as long as the plan because you can 't move on to the next day if the dog gets off the mat today ) and then started the whole thing over in the backyard . Also during this time , we hired a stranger to do stranger approaches . I found a local pet walker and paid her to sit at one end of the parking lot of an empty factory building , while we , 500 feet away , tried to approach and stay under threshold . The instructions from Lynn on this exercise was to come out from behind the building and wait for Liezel to see the stranger . Once she did , " good girl " and retreat . Do it again and try to get a foot closer . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the training was over for the day . After a few months we could get about 450 feet away before Liezel reacted . I stopped taking her to agility with our original trainer . Liezel seemed to really like running the agility course , but on the sideline she would panic over the other people and dogs . It came to a point where I decided the fun of the course did not outweigh the stress of the sidelines . We talked with our vet about this , all of this . She had blood sent out to test for thyroid issues and the results came back normal . It was time to try medication . Our vet could not prescribe Prozac so we went to a recommended veterinary behaviorist who did . She put Liezel on 30mg / day . The intention of medication was to calm Liezel enough so we could continue working on training under threshold . We were becoming a bit reclusive . An entire summer went by and we never took our camper out of storage . I was avoiding any talk of vacation because I didn 't know what we would do with her . When she was 14 months old we did go on vacation and left her with our original trainer . I checked in with the trainer everyday but got vague responses . Come to find out , Liezel just paced the whole time we were gone . During said summer when we didn 't camp , I came across a trainer that I had emailed months before but never heard back from . He was a police dog trainer so I assumed my issues with Liezel probably weren 't what he was looking to work with . He had a booth set up at a city festival advertising dog training , specifically aggression . I found my original email to him , forwarded it with a note saying " Hey , just saw you at the festival . Please see my email below from several months ago and let me know if you can help . " Simply , Z says : June 18 , 2016 at 10 : 35 am Interesting thoughts . We had a puppy too but sadly parted with her because of allergies . We found a nice home for her . I could relate to your puppy " hating " her crate . I will definitely refer to your blog when we get a second chance . Keep writing . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 18 , 2016 at 11 : 40 am Thank you ! It 's been hard having a fearful dog but also very rewarding ! I hope my lessons can help some one else . Reply Tim Taylor says : June 19 , 2016 at 9 : 14 am I 've read all your posts and I have to say they are extremely interesting . My favorite breed is a Doberman , next is German Shepard and then Rottweilers . I hate little yappin ' dogs with a passion . I absolutely love Wolves and I almost got one once upon a time . For me , that would have been a dream come true . Keep writin ' , ' cause now I wanna know how Liezel progresses ! I , too , have a pooch who doesn 't like the crate idea . She does the same panting , drooling thing , plus licks her front legs into sopping appendages ! I went for the baby gate idea , as well , because it didn 't make any sense to continue to upset her so badly with the crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 24 , 2016 at 5 : 56 pm Thank you ! And thank you for following me . Liezel has been trying , but when I look into her little brown almond eyes , I know she was meant for me and me for her . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply jay1991katira says : June 28 , 2016 at 1 : 33 am Nice one , You gave me nice snaps of pet . I love dogs . thank you Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 7 , 2016 at 8 : 17 am I love dogs , too ! They 're loyal and loving . I 'm glad you like the pictures ! Reply frankprem says : July 1 , 2016 at 6 : 47 pm Gorgeous looking dog . Best luck with raising her , and much enjoyment . Cheers , Frank Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 18 , 2016 at 2 : 26 pm Thanks , Laura . I need to commit some time to writing . We 've had a house guest for two weeks and she 's exhausting ! Reply Vaibhav says : July 26 , 2016 at 6 : 26 am Hi again , thanks for stopping by . I read this post and have to say this - I 'm not a dog person at all , bit scared actually and love cats . However , Liezel looks so adorable . A missed vacation sounds terrible but am sure this phase will pass . Great blog title - it will go places . Have a nice day . Reply txhomegirl says : July 27 , 2016 at 5 : 00 pm Good blog ! I have to know what happened . I love Rotts . I 've owned two males and now own a female . She is much more skittish than my males were . Reply hadleylovesgus says : August 9 , 2016 at 12 : 36 pm I feel your pain ! We have our little yorkie , Gus , who suffers from fear of strangers as well . We are in the process of working with him now too . Thank you for writing ! I am hopeful to do a similar documentation of our journey as its been a great help to hear of other stories of people like us who are working hard to help a pup in this type of situation . Thank you ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 9 , 2016 at 5 : 42 pm I 'm so happy to be able to share this experience with you ! The anxiety and constant stress of Liezel 's fear has been tiresome . Every little accomplishment is celebrated because we 're that much closer to her being comfortable . Thank you for reading . I look forward to hearing more about Gus . LikeLike Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 10 am What a captivating story . Hats off to you for sticking with Liezel . She is truly lucky to have found you guys . We 're having some issues with our Bella ( nothing as severe as this ) and reading this makes me believe there might be hope yet 🙂 Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 14 am Hi Diya . Thanks for reading about Liezel ! Yes , there is hope ! With a good trainer and a lot of patience , improvement can be made . What is Bella doing ? Is she fearful ? Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 22 am Yes she is . Goes on full alert , growls and barks persistently when someone dares to pass by our front door . Thankfully she doesn 't lunge at anyone and sometimes I think she barks more out of fear than possessiveness of her territory . Part of it may just be us reading the signs wrong . We are first time dog owners and are only fostering her for a few weeks . She seems okay at times and just when we think she has finally acclimatized she starts up again . But she 's a sweetheart and we will be sorry to see her go . owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 2 : 54 pm I wish that just once in a while they could talk . All the best with Bella ! LikeLike Vernon says : August 27 , 2016 at 5 : 11 am Hi I 'm a passionate Rottweiler owner . I understand your lost with Zelda . When I lost my first Rott name BAR I said I would never own another dog . It took me years to get over him . Today we have our third one name Sebastian . It was my wife first time ever owning a dog . He had anxiety and tried to run our home when we first got him . I never had a crate with my first two dogs so when Nicole said he have to stay in one until we get him trained from chewing everything I wasn 't sure about it . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 27 , 2016 at 8 : 00 am Hi Vernon ! Your comment made me smile first thing this morning ! Yes , Rottweilers have special personalities . I 'm sorry for your loss of BAR . It is so very painful . Congratulations on opening your heart and home to other dogs - they really do make home a better place . For your wife , a first time male Rottweiler is a brave place to start ! According to the breeder we used , the males goes through an ownership phase where they test you to see what they can get away with . Sure , female go through terrible twos , but I guess it doesn 't compare . You mention the nervousness and insecurities - you are spot on with that ! Liezel picks up my emotions in a frighteningly accurate way . If I 'm even feeling a little off , she starts acting nervous . Maybe that 's proof that she was meant to be mine : ) . I really think that most ( if not all ) Rottweilers are big babies ! ! Liezel 's whole issue is fear , she is afraid of strangers . But the people she knows … she will do anything you tell her for a treat , she wants to lick your face and get her belly rubbed . I 'm happy that your wife loves dogs now . Shelby sounds cute - for a little dog - hahaha ! I 'm more of a big dog kinda gal . Ecohug says : September 14 , 2016 at 11 : 35 am Great post , I really enjoyed reading it and wanted to tell you that you are a great dog mom for sticking it out and really working on helping Liezel . I wanted to ask if you tried anything more natural to relieve anxiety , like herbs that are designed to relax the dog ? We had something similar ( not as bad as yours ) with our dog , Maddie , when we brought her home and giving her some herbs really helped her be calm especially in her crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : September 14 , 2016 at 12 : 55 pm Hi ! Thank you for reading about Liezel ! Yes , she gets two Chinese herbs : Shen Calmer and Chai Hu Shu Gan . Both are from our vet . We noticed HUGE improvements once we started the herbs . At one point last winter I took her off of them since she was doing pretty good and we noticed regression in her reactivity . The vet recommended putting her back on them , and again , they brought her back to a calmer , less reactive dog . Reply 200 Saturdays until Paris says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 26 pm I love what a patient and kind person you have been with your baby . I know it has been hard , but I am so happy you didn 't give up . ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 38 pm Thank you ! She she is wonderful in many , many ways . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 20 , 2016 at 5 : 14 am I 'm exhausted reading what you have been through . Also if you need to have break , Liezel should be in good hands with the breeder . I look forward to reading if it gets better for you . Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 21 , 2016 at 5 : 02 am Yes it was long , but it was very thoroughly written . I was hoping desperately that peace and harmony would reign for you , but I had to wait until now to find out . But I am very glad it has gotten better for you . Good on your parents . John Chon says : November 14 , 2016 at 7 : 06 pm Your dog is so cute ! I really liked how thorough you were in this post . I can tell that you love your dog very much . It 's so great to see loving and responsible dog owners out there 🙂 Keep up the great work ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 15 , 2016 at 4 : 43 am Hi John ! Thank you ! We think she 's pretty cute , too . I 'm very glad you enjoyed reading about Liezel . She is doing so much better . LikeLiked by 1 person charlypriest says : November 17 , 2016 at 12 : 58 pm Cute dog , I myself have a recent addition to the family that is called Tina a bulldog of 7 months . What I find fascinating about all this is … . . the dog has a daycarecenter ! That is unheard here in Spain . That dog has better care as a youngster than I did . I 'm actually jealous . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 17 , 2016 at 2 : 34 pm Oh what we do for our pets here … ! Thank you for reading ! Yay for you and Tina ! There is something so wonderful about having a dog . Reply charlypriest says : November 18 , 2016 at 6 : 09 am She does puts me a smile on the face , although she can be a pain in the but quite a lot of times . Specially when she starts eating walls , chairs , sofas , socks , the list goes on . What a stomach this dog has , it 's bullet proof .
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Knowing nothing about blogs or blogging , I had a * great * idea this morning to start my own and write all about my dog . I considered writing a book … but would there be enough to say and would anyone care ? At least this way , I can get it all out in writing , look at what I 've got and see where it goes . We ( my husband and I ) brought home a 7 . 5 week Rottweiler puppy on January 17 , 2014 . We named her Liezel ( sounds like diesel ) , I 'll spare you the long AKC registered name . I was apprehensive because we had just gone though a painful year and a half of caring for a very sick Rottweiler , Zelda . We put her down just before her second birthday in September , 2013 , and it was heartbreaking . Zelda was my first dog , I loved her more than I knew was possible . Getting a new puppy was scary ( what if she 's sick ) and exciting ( puppies are fun and cute ) . My intention for getting a dog was not only companionship but also to compete in dog sports ( obedience , agility ) , ultimately Schutzhund . We were supposed to start puppy classes right away , but Liezel not having her 12 - week shots , I postponed classes until the " next semester " for fear she would get sick . From 8 weeks to 11 weeks , Liezel stayed home . I took a week off of work , my husband took a week off , and my retired parents stayed with her for a week during the day while we worked . Aside from hating the crate she seemed like a perfectly content pup . The neighbors came over to meet her and when she met their Rottweiler , she was in Heaven ! She took to him like he was her best friend . I wondered if she thought " Wow ! Something like me - just bigger . " I remember commenting that the neighbor 's dog looked at me with an expression of " get this mosquito away from me ! " She loved when he came over . During the 8 - to 12 - week age we had major snowfall in Michigan . We had to dig tracks in the yard for Liezel to go potty since the snow was deeper than she was tall . It was very cold and with the snow and salt we did not take her for walks . However , she went to the pet store ( I carried her ) , the vet , and my parents house for small amounts of exposure . I know , I know " 8 - to 12 - weeks is a critical time for socialization ! " My thought process was I would rather delay socialization a few weeks than take the chance of having another sick dog . At eleven weeks , Liezel started daycare . She couldn 't be with the other puppies yet because she still had a week to go for shots , but she was in the office with the employees - and out of the house . The daycare workers pointed out that she really hated being crated ( yep , we know ) . At home or daycare , while crated she would howl and cry to the point of peeing and / or pooping herself . Never was the crate used for punishment . The purpose of crating her was to create her own private space . The idea being she can go to her crate knowing that when there no one will bother her . It 's her " safe place . " In the meantime , until she realized it was her safe - place she would be crated for naps and at night . It got to the point during what should have been nap time ( she 's fallen asleep somewhere and we pick her up and put her in the crate ) she would just cry , scream and howl . I actually called the breeder and ask " what should we do ? ! " Some dogs don 't take to a crate so the advice was to just let her sleep wherever she laid down . She would still have to be crated at night since she wasn 't fully potty trained . I slept on the floor next to her for four weeks , slowly increasing the distance from her until I could get in to bed . Back to daycare , at 13 weeks she started playing with the other dogs ( shots at 12 weeks , then a week to recover ) . She played with the other puppies and came home worn out . For one hour during the day all the dogs are kenneled ( inside ) for a lunch break . Liezel was still getting three meals a day so this was her lunch and nap break . Being in the kennel alone was as bad as being crated . She would pee / poop herself and cry and howl . One day they had to bathe her because she was in such a tither she got poop all over herself . This was causing me to have some anxiety . I have a happy , healthy puppy who does not like to be crated . I start wondering ' how am I ever going to leave the house ? , ' ' how are we ever going to leave her alone ? , ' ' what have I gotten us into ? ' I talked to the trainer once we started puppy classes and she had some tips . 1 ) never let her out of the crate when she 's crying - doing so will teach her that crying gets her released . Um , she cries the whole time she 's in it . 2 ) hit a wall just outside the room where the crate is . It will get her attention and she will stop to listen . At that moment of silence go get her . 3 ) never tell her " good girl " when she 's coming out of the crate - doing so will teach her getting out is the reward . 4 ) do not show excitement when letting her out . Open the door and walk away . Getting out is not fun / exciting ; going in should be . So over the course of the next couple of months we worked on this . The living room crate for naps was removed and the bedroom crate for nighttime was moved from the foot of the bed to my side . The move would allow her to see down the hallway when she was crated when we went out . Here I should interject that " going out " meant running to the grocery store , maybe going out to dinner , or stopping by my parents ( they live two miles away ) . This wasn 't out to dinner , drinks , and a movie - or even an extended family get - together . We were gone an hour or less . When we got home the crate would be covered in drool and she would be panting . Separation anxiety ? Just complete fear of the crate ? What is the problem , here ? At five months old we stopped using the crate all together . She was locked in our bedroom by a baby gate when we went out and this was a much better solution . She was calmer and we found ( via recording ) that she would curl up on the bed and sleep while we were gone . No drooling , panting , or pacing . She also started sleeping with us at night . It seemed a better option than the nighttime crying , panting , drooling , etc . She jumped into bed , curled up , and that was that . We continued with classes . Puppy class was a great success ! She knew sit , down , shake , watch , and touch before class even started ( remember those several weeks she stayed home ? We were teaching her some stuff . ) so she was kinda the star student [ proud smile ] . By the time we got to intermediate / advanced obedience we noticed some undesirable behaviors . Also around this time , the weather had gotten better and we started taking walks where we also observed undesirable behavior . At class she began barking and attempting to run toward ( on leash ) other people . On a walk , once we got about two houses away , she would turn around pulling toward home . Her happy disposition changed to a vigilant , nervous one . If anyone came out and asked to pet her , she would shrink back and avoid being touched . When she was about 6 months old we were on a walk in the neighborhood . Approaching a driveway partially blocked by a Jeep , two remote control cars came toward us . Liezel barked and lunged at them . The cars were being run by two little boys and the adult started screaming , " Get that dog off of my property before I get my f - ing gun and shoot it . " Hmm . This seemed over - the - top . My then 6 - month old puppy , was startled by the things coming at her , and she reacted . The guy went crazy ! I pointed out to him that I was on city property and I had every right to be there . Well his threats continued so I called the police . He too called the police and was yelling " It 's a Rottweiler ! A ROTTWEILER ! " While on the phone with the police his wife approached me saying " Please , just leave . Please . " Another man in his group approached me saying , " Get out of here you bitch ! " The whole thing escalated very quickly and it really shook me and Liezel up . After this episode I became very nervous about walking Liezel . If you know anything about dogs , you know they feed off their owners ' feelings . So I 'm feeding her nervousness and anxiety by being nervous and anxious . Round and round it went . Around this time a few other things happened . We took a day trip to see the breeder and let her see Liezel . When Deb tried to pet Liezel 's head , Liezel back away . Deb asked me " You haven 't hit her have you ? " Nope . We went camping one weekend and Liezel was so frantic and worried she barked the entire time and got to the point of vomiting from nervousness . We actually took her for a car ride hoping 1 ) to calm her down and 2 ) let the other campers have some peace and quiet . She started barking and lunging at all strangers - going into and out of daycare , at agility class , on a walk , etc . All strangers . And she would freak out at the sound of any car door outside , the doorbell ( real or on TV ) , or the neighbors she could see in their house from the backyard . When I say " freaking out " she would jump up , front paws on the front door , scratching , barking , spit flying , hackles up . Most times there was nothing there . Then it would take an hour or more for her to calm down . I spoke with the trainer about all of this . She did not seem very concerned and gave the impression that Liezel could outgrow it . This was insufficient for me . I needed an action plan . We also had a guy out to our house who represented a company that used e - collars . The company came recommended to us by a family member . His presentation and explanation was really off - putting . We didn 't understand the concept and wondered how could we expect Liezel to understand if we didn 't . Additionally , he said " The dog will have to wear a muzzle in order for me to work with her . " I 'm not opposed to using a muzzle , but he made no attempt to interact with Liezel . His idea was put a muzzle on her and an e - collar and get started . Neither my husband nor I got a good feeling about this so the idea was quickly discarded . The third trainer , Lynn , taught me about thresholds . Not letting Liezel get to the point of reacting because once she was over threshold she was unable to learn . I guess it would be like trying to learn a new skill while being chased by a bear ? When something scary is happening to you , you are not in a learning frame of mind . Week after week for several months , Lynn came to our house and worked on keeping Liezel under threshold . Here 's how it started . Liezel was in the bedroom when Lynn arrived . She sat at the kitchen table while I went to get Liezel . Liezel and I came out of the bedroom one step at a time . When Liezel saw Lynn , I was to say " Good girl " give her a treat , and retreat to the bedroom . Her reward for looking and not reacting was getting to leave the scary thing / person . After weeks of this , we moved outside . Lynn would be across the street and I would walk Liezel . When Liezel looked at Lynn she was praised and treated . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the lesson was over . Lynn also gave me instructions on a dog training process that taught the dog to stay on a mat / bed / blanket while things went on around it . So day one you tell the dog " go to your mat " and treat her when she gets on it [ Liezel already knew " go to your bed " so this was not difficult to teach ] . Take one step away from the mat and come back with " good girl " and a treat . This goes on and on for weeks with progressively more difficult things like running around the dog / mat , leaving the room , opening the front door , and ringing the doorbell . When you get through the whole thing , you start all over again in a different room . We went through all of the weeks ( it took twice as long as the plan because you can 't move on to the next day if the dog gets off the mat today ) and then started the whole thing over in the backyard . Also during this time , we hired a stranger to do stranger approaches . I found a local pet walker and paid her to sit at one end of the parking lot of an empty factory building , while we , 500 feet away , tried to approach and stay under threshold . The instructions from Lynn on this exercise was to come out from behind the building and wait for Liezel to see the stranger . Once she did , " good girl " and retreat . Do it again and try to get a foot closer . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the training was over for the day . After a few months we could get about 450 feet away before Liezel reacted . I stopped taking her to agility with our original trainer . Liezel seemed to really like running the agility course , but on the sideline she would panic over the other people and dogs . It came to a point where I decided the fun of the course did not outweigh the stress of the sidelines . We talked with our vet about this , all of this . She had blood sent out to test for thyroid issues and the results came back normal . It was time to try medication . Our vet could not prescribe Prozac so we went to a recommended veterinary behaviorist who did . She put Liezel on 30mg / day . The intention of medication was to calm Liezel enough so we could continue working on training under threshold . We were becoming a bit reclusive . An entire summer went by and we never took our camper out of storage . I was avoiding any talk of vacation because I didn 't know what we would do with her . When she was 14 months old we did go on vacation and left her with our original trainer . I checked in with the trainer everyday but got vague responses . Come to find out , Liezel just paced the whole time we were gone . During said summer when we didn 't camp , I came across a trainer that I had emailed months before but never heard back from . He was a police dog trainer so I assumed my issues with Liezel probably weren 't what he was looking to work with . He had a booth set up at a city festival advertising dog training , specifically aggression . I found my original email to him , forwarded it with a note saying " Hey , just saw you at the festival . Please see my email below from several months ago and let me know if you can help . " Simply , Z says : June 18 , 2016 at 10 : 35 am Interesting thoughts . We had a puppy too but sadly parted with her because of allergies . We found a nice home for her . I could relate to your puppy " hating " her crate . I will definitely refer to your blog when we get a second chance . Keep writing . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 18 , 2016 at 11 : 40 am Thank you ! It 's been hard having a fearful dog but also very rewarding ! I hope my lessons can help some one else . Reply Tim Taylor says : June 19 , 2016 at 9 : 14 am I 've read all your posts and I have to say they are extremely interesting . My favorite breed is a Doberman , next is German Shepard and then Rottweilers . I hate little yappin ' dogs with a passion . I absolutely love Wolves and I almost got one once upon a time . For me , that would have been a dream come true . Keep writin ' , ' cause now I wanna know how Liezel progresses ! I , too , have a pooch who doesn 't like the crate idea . She does the same panting , drooling thing , plus licks her front legs into sopping appendages ! I went for the baby gate idea , as well , because it didn 't make any sense to continue to upset her so badly with the crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 24 , 2016 at 5 : 56 pm Thank you ! And thank you for following me . Liezel has been trying , but when I look into her little brown almond eyes , I know she was meant for me and me for her . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply jay1991katira says : June 28 , 2016 at 1 : 33 am Nice one , You gave me nice snaps of pet . I love dogs . thank you Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 7 , 2016 at 8 : 17 am I love dogs , too ! They 're loyal and loving . I 'm glad you like the pictures ! Reply frankprem says : July 1 , 2016 at 6 : 47 pm Gorgeous looking dog . Best luck with raising her , and much enjoyment . Cheers , Frank Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 18 , 2016 at 2 : 26 pm Thanks , Laura . I need to commit some time to writing . We 've had a house guest for two weeks and she 's exhausting ! Reply Vaibhav says : July 26 , 2016 at 6 : 26 am Hi again , thanks for stopping by . I read this post and have to say this - I 'm not a dog person at all , bit scared actually and love cats . However , Liezel looks so adorable . A missed vacation sounds terrible but am sure this phase will pass . Great blog title - it will go places . Have a nice day . Reply txhomegirl says : July 27 , 2016 at 5 : 00 pm Good blog ! I have to know what happened . I love Rotts . I 've owned two males and now own a female . She is much more skittish than my males were . Reply hadleylovesgus says : August 9 , 2016 at 12 : 36 pm I feel your pain ! We have our little yorkie , Gus , who suffers from fear of strangers as well . We are in the process of working with him now too . Thank you for writing ! I am hopeful to do a similar documentation of our journey as its been a great help to hear of other stories of people like us who are working hard to help a pup in this type of situation . Thank you ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 9 , 2016 at 5 : 42 pm I 'm so happy to be able to share this experience with you ! The anxiety and constant stress of Liezel 's fear has been tiresome . Every little accomplishment is celebrated because we 're that much closer to her being comfortable . Thank you for reading . I look forward to hearing more about Gus . LikeLike Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 10 am What a captivating story . Hats off to you for sticking with Liezel . She is truly lucky to have found you guys . We 're having some issues with our Bella ( nothing as severe as this ) and reading this makes me believe there might be hope yet 🙂 Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 14 am Hi Diya . Thanks for reading about Liezel ! Yes , there is hope ! With a good trainer and a lot of patience , improvement can be made . What is Bella doing ? Is she fearful ? Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 22 am Yes she is . Goes on full alert , growls and barks persistently when someone dares to pass by our front door . Thankfully she doesn 't lunge at anyone and sometimes I think she barks more out of fear than possessiveness of her territory . Part of it may just be us reading the signs wrong . We are first time dog owners and are only fostering her for a few weeks . She seems okay at times and just when we think she has finally acclimatized she starts up again . But she 's a sweetheart and we will be sorry to see her go . owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 2 : 54 pm I wish that just once in a while they could talk . All the best with Bella ! LikeLike Vernon says : August 27 , 2016 at 5 : 11 am Hi I 'm a passionate Rottweiler owner . I understand your lost with Zelda . When I lost my first Rott name BAR I said I would never own another dog . It took me years to get over him . Today we have our third one name Sebastian . It was my wife first time ever owning a dog . He had anxiety and tried to run our home when we first got him . I never had a crate with my first two dogs so when Nicole said he have to stay in one until we get him trained from chewing everything I wasn 't sure about it . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 27 , 2016 at 8 : 00 am Hi Vernon ! Your comment made me smile first thing this morning ! Yes , Rottweilers have special personalities . I 'm sorry for your loss of BAR . It is so very painful . Congratulations on opening your heart and home to other dogs - they really do make home a better place . For your wife , a first time male Rottweiler is a brave place to start ! According to the breeder we used , the males goes through an ownership phase where they test you to see what they can get away with . Sure , female go through terrible twos , but I guess it doesn 't compare . You mention the nervousness and insecurities - you are spot on with that ! Liezel picks up my emotions in a frighteningly accurate way . If I 'm even feeling a little off , she starts acting nervous . Maybe that 's proof that she was meant to be mine : ) . I really think that most ( if not all ) Rottweilers are big babies ! ! Liezel 's whole issue is fear , she is afraid of strangers . But the people she knows … she will do anything you tell her for a treat , she wants to lick your face and get her belly rubbed . I 'm happy that your wife loves dogs now . Shelby sounds cute - for a little dog - hahaha ! I 'm more of a big dog kinda gal . Ecohug says : September 14 , 2016 at 11 : 35 am Great post , I really enjoyed reading it and wanted to tell you that you are a great dog mom for sticking it out and really working on helping Liezel . I wanted to ask if you tried anything more natural to relieve anxiety , like herbs that are designed to relax the dog ? We had something similar ( not as bad as yours ) with our dog , Maddie , when we brought her home and giving her some herbs really helped her be calm especially in her crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : September 14 , 2016 at 12 : 55 pm Hi ! Thank you for reading about Liezel ! Yes , she gets two Chinese herbs : Shen Calmer and Chai Hu Shu Gan . Both are from our vet . We noticed HUGE improvements once we started the herbs . At one point last winter I took her off of them since she was doing pretty good and we noticed regression in her reactivity . The vet recommended putting her back on them , and again , they brought her back to a calmer , less reactive dog . Reply 200 Saturdays until Paris says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 26 pm I love what a patient and kind person you have been with your baby . I know it has been hard , but I am so happy you didn 't give up . ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 38 pm Thank you ! She she is wonderful in many , many ways . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 20 , 2016 at 5 : 14 am I 'm exhausted reading what you have been through . Also if you need to have break , Liezel should be in good hands with the breeder . I look forward to reading if it gets better for you . Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 21 , 2016 at 5 : 02 am Yes it was long , but it was very thoroughly written . I was hoping desperately that peace and harmony would reign for you , but I had to wait until now to find out . But I am very glad it has gotten better for you . Good on your parents . John Chon says : November 14 , 2016 at 7 : 06 pm Your dog is so cute ! I really liked how thorough you were in this post . I can tell that you love your dog very much . It 's so great to see loving and responsible dog owners out there 🙂 Keep up the great work ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 15 , 2016 at 4 : 43 am Hi John ! Thank you ! We think she 's pretty cute , too . I 'm very glad you enjoyed reading about Liezel . She is doing so much better . LikeLiked by 1 person charlypriest says : November 17 , 2016 at 12 : 58 pm Cute dog , I myself have a recent addition to the family that is called Tina a bulldog of 7 months . What I find fascinating about all this is … . . the dog has a daycarecenter ! That is unheard here in Spain . That dog has better care as a youngster than I did . I 'm actually jealous . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 17 , 2016 at 2 : 34 pm Oh what we do for our pets here … ! Thank you for reading ! Yay for you and Tina ! There is something so wonderful about having a dog . Reply charlypriest says : November 18 , 2016 at 6 : 09 am She does puts me a smile on the face , although she can be a pain in the but quite a lot of times . Specially when she starts eating walls , chairs , sofas , socks , the list goes on . What a stomach this dog has , it 's bullet proof .
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Knowing nothing about blogs or blogging , I had a * great * idea this morning to start my own and write all about my dog . I considered writing a book … but would there be enough to say and would anyone care ? At least this way , I can get it all out in writing , look at what I 've got and see where it goes . We ( my husband and I ) brought home a 7 . 5 week Rottweiler puppy on January 17 , 2014 . We named her Liezel ( sounds like diesel ) , I 'll spare you the long AKC registered name . I was apprehensive because we had just gone though a painful year and a half of caring for a very sick Rottweiler , Zelda . We put her down just before her second birthday in September , 2013 , and it was heartbreaking . Zelda was my first dog , I loved her more than I knew was possible . Getting a new puppy was scary ( what if she 's sick ) and exciting ( puppies are fun and cute ) . My intention for getting a dog was not only companionship but also to compete in dog sports ( obedience , agility ) , ultimately Schutzhund . We were supposed to start puppy classes right away , but Liezel not having her 12 - week shots , I postponed classes until the " next semester " for fear she would get sick . From 8 weeks to 11 weeks , Liezel stayed home . I took a week off of work , my husband took a week off , and my retired parents stayed with her for a week during the day while we worked . Aside from hating the crate she seemed like a perfectly content pup . The neighbors came over to meet her and when she met their Rottweiler , she was in Heaven ! She took to him like he was her best friend . I wondered if she thought " Wow ! Something like me - just bigger . " I remember commenting that the neighbor 's dog looked at me with an expression of " get this mosquito away from me ! " She loved when he came over . During the 8 - to 12 - week age we had major snowfall in Michigan . We had to dig tracks in the yard for Liezel to go potty since the snow was deeper than she was tall . It was very cold and with the snow and salt we did not take her for walks . However , she went to the pet store ( I carried her ) , the vet , and my parents house for small amounts of exposure . I know , I know " 8 - to 12 - weeks is a critical time for socialization ! " My thought process was I would rather delay socialization a few weeks than take the chance of having another sick dog . At eleven weeks , Liezel started daycare . She couldn 't be with the other puppies yet because she still had a week to go for shots , but she was in the office with the employees - and out of the house . The daycare workers pointed out that she really hated being crated ( yep , we know ) . At home or daycare , while crated she would howl and cry to the point of peeing and / or pooping herself . Never was the crate used for punishment . The purpose of crating her was to create her own private space . The idea being she can go to her crate knowing that when there no one will bother her . It 's her " safe place . " In the meantime , until she realized it was her safe - place she would be crated for naps and at night . It got to the point during what should have been nap time ( she 's fallen asleep somewhere and we pick her up and put her in the crate ) she would just cry , scream and howl . I actually called the breeder and ask " what should we do ? ! " Some dogs don 't take to a crate so the advice was to just let her sleep wherever she laid down . She would still have to be crated at night since she wasn 't fully potty trained . I slept on the floor next to her for four weeks , slowly increasing the distance from her until I could get in to bed . Back to daycare , at 13 weeks she started playing with the other dogs ( shots at 12 weeks , then a week to recover ) . She played with the other puppies and came home worn out . For one hour during the day all the dogs are kenneled ( inside ) for a lunch break . Liezel was still getting three meals a day so this was her lunch and nap break . Being in the kennel alone was as bad as being crated . She would pee / poop herself and cry and howl . One day they had to bathe her because she was in such a tither she got poop all over herself . This was causing me to have some anxiety . I have a happy , healthy puppy who does not like to be crated . I start wondering ' how am I ever going to leave the house ? , ' ' how are we ever going to leave her alone ? , ' ' what have I gotten us into ? ' I talked to the trainer once we started puppy classes and she had some tips . 1 ) never let her out of the crate when she 's crying - doing so will teach her that crying gets her released . Um , she cries the whole time she 's in it . 2 ) hit a wall just outside the room where the crate is . It will get her attention and she will stop to listen . At that moment of silence go get her . 3 ) never tell her " good girl " when she 's coming out of the crate - doing so will teach her getting out is the reward . 4 ) do not show excitement when letting her out . Open the door and walk away . Getting out is not fun / exciting ; going in should be . So over the course of the next couple of months we worked on this . The living room crate for naps was removed and the bedroom crate for nighttime was moved from the foot of the bed to my side . The move would allow her to see down the hallway when she was crated when we went out . Here I should interject that " going out " meant running to the grocery store , maybe going out to dinner , or stopping by my parents ( they live two miles away ) . This wasn 't out to dinner , drinks , and a movie - or even an extended family get - together . We were gone an hour or less . When we got home the crate would be covered in drool and she would be panting . Separation anxiety ? Just complete fear of the crate ? What is the problem , here ? At five months old we stopped using the crate all together . She was locked in our bedroom by a baby gate when we went out and this was a much better solution . She was calmer and we found ( via recording ) that she would curl up on the bed and sleep while we were gone . No drooling , panting , or pacing . She also started sleeping with us at night . It seemed a better option than the nighttime crying , panting , drooling , etc . She jumped into bed , curled up , and that was that . We continued with classes . Puppy class was a great success ! She knew sit , down , shake , watch , and touch before class even started ( remember those several weeks she stayed home ? We were teaching her some stuff . ) so she was kinda the star student [ proud smile ] . By the time we got to intermediate / advanced obedience we noticed some undesirable behaviors . Also around this time , the weather had gotten better and we started taking walks where we also observed undesirable behavior . At class she began barking and attempting to run toward ( on leash ) other people . On a walk , once we got about two houses away , she would turn around pulling toward home . Her happy disposition changed to a vigilant , nervous one . If anyone came out and asked to pet her , she would shrink back and avoid being touched . When she was about 6 months old we were on a walk in the neighborhood . Approaching a driveway partially blocked by a Jeep , two remote control cars came toward us . Liezel barked and lunged at them . The cars were being run by two little boys and the adult started screaming , " Get that dog off of my property before I get my f - ing gun and shoot it . " Hmm . This seemed over - the - top . My then 6 - month old puppy , was startled by the things coming at her , and she reacted . The guy went crazy ! I pointed out to him that I was on city property and I had every right to be there . Well his threats continued so I called the police . He too called the police and was yelling " It 's a Rottweiler ! A ROTTWEILER ! " While on the phone with the police his wife approached me saying " Please , just leave . Please . " Another man in his group approached me saying , " Get out of here you bitch ! " The whole thing escalated very quickly and it really shook me and Liezel up . After this episode I became very nervous about walking Liezel . If you know anything about dogs , you know they feed off their owners ' feelings . So I 'm feeding her nervousness and anxiety by being nervous and anxious . Round and round it went . Around this time a few other things happened . We took a day trip to see the breeder and let her see Liezel . When Deb tried to pet Liezel 's head , Liezel back away . Deb asked me " You haven 't hit her have you ? " Nope . We went camping one weekend and Liezel was so frantic and worried she barked the entire time and got to the point of vomiting from nervousness . We actually took her for a car ride hoping 1 ) to calm her down and 2 ) let the other campers have some peace and quiet . She started barking and lunging at all strangers - going into and out of daycare , at agility class , on a walk , etc . All strangers . And she would freak out at the sound of any car door outside , the doorbell ( real or on TV ) , or the neighbors she could see in their house from the backyard . When I say " freaking out " she would jump up , front paws on the front door , scratching , barking , spit flying , hackles up . Most times there was nothing there . Then it would take an hour or more for her to calm down . I spoke with the trainer about all of this . She did not seem very concerned and gave the impression that Liezel could outgrow it . This was insufficient for me . I needed an action plan . We also had a guy out to our house who represented a company that used e - collars . The company came recommended to us by a family member . His presentation and explanation was really off - putting . We didn 't understand the concept and wondered how could we expect Liezel to understand if we didn 't . Additionally , he said " The dog will have to wear a muzzle in order for me to work with her . " I 'm not opposed to using a muzzle , but he made no attempt to interact with Liezel . His idea was put a muzzle on her and an e - collar and get started . Neither my husband nor I got a good feeling about this so the idea was quickly discarded . The third trainer , Lynn , taught me about thresholds . Not letting Liezel get to the point of reacting because once she was over threshold she was unable to learn . I guess it would be like trying to learn a new skill while being chased by a bear ? When something scary is happening to you , you are not in a learning frame of mind . Week after week for several months , Lynn came to our house and worked on keeping Liezel under threshold . Here 's how it started . Liezel was in the bedroom when Lynn arrived . She sat at the kitchen table while I went to get Liezel . Liezel and I came out of the bedroom one step at a time . When Liezel saw Lynn , I was to say " Good girl " give her a treat , and retreat to the bedroom . Her reward for looking and not reacting was getting to leave the scary thing / person . After weeks of this , we moved outside . Lynn would be across the street and I would walk Liezel . When Liezel looked at Lynn she was praised and treated . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the lesson was over . Lynn also gave me instructions on a dog training process that taught the dog to stay on a mat / bed / blanket while things went on around it . So day one you tell the dog " go to your mat " and treat her when she gets on it [ Liezel already knew " go to your bed " so this was not difficult to teach ] . Take one step away from the mat and come back with " good girl " and a treat . This goes on and on for weeks with progressively more difficult things like running around the dog / mat , leaving the room , opening the front door , and ringing the doorbell . When you get through the whole thing , you start all over again in a different room . We went through all of the weeks ( it took twice as long as the plan because you can 't move on to the next day if the dog gets off the mat today ) and then started the whole thing over in the backyard . Also during this time , we hired a stranger to do stranger approaches . I found a local pet walker and paid her to sit at one end of the parking lot of an empty factory building , while we , 500 feet away , tried to approach and stay under threshold . The instructions from Lynn on this exercise was to come out from behind the building and wait for Liezel to see the stranger . Once she did , " good girl " and retreat . Do it again and try to get a foot closer . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the training was over for the day . After a few months we could get about 450 feet away before Liezel reacted . I stopped taking her to agility with our original trainer . Liezel seemed to really like running the agility course , but on the sideline she would panic over the other people and dogs . It came to a point where I decided the fun of the course did not outweigh the stress of the sidelines . We talked with our vet about this , all of this . She had blood sent out to test for thyroid issues and the results came back normal . It was time to try medication . Our vet could not prescribe Prozac so we went to a recommended veterinary behaviorist who did . She put Liezel on 30mg / day . The intention of medication was to calm Liezel enough so we could continue working on training under threshold . We were becoming a bit reclusive . An entire summer went by and we never took our camper out of storage . I was avoiding any talk of vacation because I didn 't know what we would do with her . When she was 14 months old we did go on vacation and left her with our original trainer . I checked in with the trainer everyday but got vague responses . Come to find out , Liezel just paced the whole time we were gone . During said summer when we didn 't camp , I came across a trainer that I had emailed months before but never heard back from . He was a police dog trainer so I assumed my issues with Liezel probably weren 't what he was looking to work with . He had a booth set up at a city festival advertising dog training , specifically aggression . I found my original email to him , forwarded it with a note saying " Hey , just saw you at the festival . Please see my email below from several months ago and let me know if you can help . " Simply , Z says : June 18 , 2016 at 10 : 35 am Interesting thoughts . We had a puppy too but sadly parted with her because of allergies . We found a nice home for her . I could relate to your puppy " hating " her crate . I will definitely refer to your blog when we get a second chance . Keep writing . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 18 , 2016 at 11 : 40 am Thank you ! It 's been hard having a fearful dog but also very rewarding ! I hope my lessons can help some one else . Reply Tim Taylor says : June 19 , 2016 at 9 : 14 am I 've read all your posts and I have to say they are extremely interesting . My favorite breed is a Doberman , next is German Shepard and then Rottweilers . I hate little yappin ' dogs with a passion . I absolutely love Wolves and I almost got one once upon a time . For me , that would have been a dream come true . Keep writin ' , ' cause now I wanna know how Liezel progresses ! I , too , have a pooch who doesn 't like the crate idea . She does the same panting , drooling thing , plus licks her front legs into sopping appendages ! I went for the baby gate idea , as well , because it didn 't make any sense to continue to upset her so badly with the crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 24 , 2016 at 5 : 56 pm Thank you ! And thank you for following me . Liezel has been trying , but when I look into her little brown almond eyes , I know she was meant for me and me for her . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply jay1991katira says : June 28 , 2016 at 1 : 33 am Nice one , You gave me nice snaps of pet . I love dogs . thank you Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 7 , 2016 at 8 : 17 am I love dogs , too ! They 're loyal and loving . I 'm glad you like the pictures ! Reply frankprem says : July 1 , 2016 at 6 : 47 pm Gorgeous looking dog . Best luck with raising her , and much enjoyment . Cheers , Frank Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 18 , 2016 at 2 : 26 pm Thanks , Laura . I need to commit some time to writing . We 've had a house guest for two weeks and she 's exhausting ! Reply Vaibhav says : July 26 , 2016 at 6 : 26 am Hi again , thanks for stopping by . I read this post and have to say this - I 'm not a dog person at all , bit scared actually and love cats . However , Liezel looks so adorable . A missed vacation sounds terrible but am sure this phase will pass . Great blog title - it will go places . Have a nice day . Reply txhomegirl says : July 27 , 2016 at 5 : 00 pm Good blog ! I have to know what happened . I love Rotts . I 've owned two males and now own a female . She is much more skittish than my males were . Reply hadleylovesgus says : August 9 , 2016 at 12 : 36 pm I feel your pain ! We have our little yorkie , Gus , who suffers from fear of strangers as well . We are in the process of working with him now too . Thank you for writing ! I am hopeful to do a similar documentation of our journey as its been a great help to hear of other stories of people like us who are working hard to help a pup in this type of situation . Thank you ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 9 , 2016 at 5 : 42 pm I 'm so happy to be able to share this experience with you ! The anxiety and constant stress of Liezel 's fear has been tiresome . Every little accomplishment is celebrated because we 're that much closer to her being comfortable . Thank you for reading . I look forward to hearing more about Gus . LikeLike Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 10 am What a captivating story . Hats off to you for sticking with Liezel . She is truly lucky to have found you guys . We 're having some issues with our Bella ( nothing as severe as this ) and reading this makes me believe there might be hope yet 🙂 Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 14 am Hi Diya . Thanks for reading about Liezel ! Yes , there is hope ! With a good trainer and a lot of patience , improvement can be made . What is Bella doing ? Is she fearful ? Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 22 am Yes she is . Goes on full alert , growls and barks persistently when someone dares to pass by our front door . Thankfully she doesn 't lunge at anyone and sometimes I think she barks more out of fear than possessiveness of her territory . Part of it may just be us reading the signs wrong . We are first time dog owners and are only fostering her for a few weeks . She seems okay at times and just when we think she has finally acclimatized she starts up again . But she 's a sweetheart and we will be sorry to see her go . owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 2 : 54 pm I wish that just once in a while they could talk . All the best with Bella ! LikeLike Vernon says : August 27 , 2016 at 5 : 11 am Hi I 'm a passionate Rottweiler owner . I understand your lost with Zelda . When I lost my first Rott name BAR I said I would never own another dog . It took me years to get over him . Today we have our third one name Sebastian . It was my wife first time ever owning a dog . He had anxiety and tried to run our home when we first got him . I never had a crate with my first two dogs so when Nicole said he have to stay in one until we get him trained from chewing everything I wasn 't sure about it . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 27 , 2016 at 8 : 00 am Hi Vernon ! Your comment made me smile first thing this morning ! Yes , Rottweilers have special personalities . I 'm sorry for your loss of BAR . It is so very painful . Congratulations on opening your heart and home to other dogs - they really do make home a better place . For your wife , a first time male Rottweiler is a brave place to start ! According to the breeder we used , the males goes through an ownership phase where they test you to see what they can get away with . Sure , female go through terrible twos , but I guess it doesn 't compare . You mention the nervousness and insecurities - you are spot on with that ! Liezel picks up my emotions in a frighteningly accurate way . If I 'm even feeling a little off , she starts acting nervous . Maybe that 's proof that she was meant to be mine : ) . I really think that most ( if not all ) Rottweilers are big babies ! ! Liezel 's whole issue is fear , she is afraid of strangers . But the people she knows … she will do anything you tell her for a treat , she wants to lick your face and get her belly rubbed . I 'm happy that your wife loves dogs now . Shelby sounds cute - for a little dog - hahaha ! I 'm more of a big dog kinda gal . Ecohug says : September 14 , 2016 at 11 : 35 am Great post , I really enjoyed reading it and wanted to tell you that you are a great dog mom for sticking it out and really working on helping Liezel . I wanted to ask if you tried anything more natural to relieve anxiety , like herbs that are designed to relax the dog ? We had something similar ( not as bad as yours ) with our dog , Maddie , when we brought her home and giving her some herbs really helped her be calm especially in her crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : September 14 , 2016 at 12 : 55 pm Hi ! Thank you for reading about Liezel ! Yes , she gets two Chinese herbs : Shen Calmer and Chai Hu Shu Gan . Both are from our vet . We noticed HUGE improvements once we started the herbs . At one point last winter I took her off of them since she was doing pretty good and we noticed regression in her reactivity . The vet recommended putting her back on them , and again , they brought her back to a calmer , less reactive dog . Reply 200 Saturdays until Paris says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 26 pm I love what a patient and kind person you have been with your baby . I know it has been hard , but I am so happy you didn 't give up . ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 38 pm Thank you ! She she is wonderful in many , many ways . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 20 , 2016 at 5 : 14 am I 'm exhausted reading what you have been through . Also if you need to have break , Liezel should be in good hands with the breeder . I look forward to reading if it gets better for you . Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 21 , 2016 at 5 : 02 am Yes it was long , but it was very thoroughly written . I was hoping desperately that peace and harmony would reign for you , but I had to wait until now to find out . But I am very glad it has gotten better for you . Good on your parents . John Chon says : November 14 , 2016 at 7 : 06 pm Your dog is so cute ! I really liked how thorough you were in this post . I can tell that you love your dog very much . It 's so great to see loving and responsible dog owners out there 🙂 Keep up the great work ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 15 , 2016 at 4 : 43 am Hi John ! Thank you ! We think she 's pretty cute , too . I 'm very glad you enjoyed reading about Liezel . She is doing so much better . LikeLiked by 1 person charlypriest says : November 17 , 2016 at 12 : 58 pm Cute dog , I myself have a recent addition to the family that is called Tina a bulldog of 7 months . What I find fascinating about all this is … . . the dog has a daycarecenter ! That is unheard here in Spain . That dog has better care as a youngster than I did . I 'm actually jealous . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 17 , 2016 at 2 : 34 pm Oh what we do for our pets here … ! Thank you for reading ! Yay for you and Tina ! There is something so wonderful about having a dog . Reply charlypriest says : November 18 , 2016 at 6 : 09 am She does puts me a smile on the face , although she can be a pain in the but quite a lot of times . Specially when she starts eating walls , chairs , sofas , socks , the list goes on . What a stomach this dog has , it 's bullet proof .
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Knowing nothing about blogs or blogging , I had a * great * idea this morning to start my own and write all about my dog . I considered writing a book … but would there be enough to say and would anyone care ? At least this way , I can get it all out in writing , look at what I 've got and see where it goes . We ( my husband and I ) brought home a 7 . 5 week Rottweiler puppy on January 17 , 2014 . We named her Liezel ( sounds like diesel ) , I 'll spare you the long AKC registered name . I was apprehensive because we had just gone though a painful year and a half of caring for a very sick Rottweiler , Zelda . We put her down just before her second birthday in September , 2013 , and it was heartbreaking . Zelda was my first dog , I loved her more than I knew was possible . Getting a new puppy was scary ( what if she 's sick ) and exciting ( puppies are fun and cute ) . My intention for getting a dog was not only companionship but also to compete in dog sports ( obedience , agility ) , ultimately Schutzhund . We were supposed to start puppy classes right away , but Liezel not having her 12 - week shots , I postponed classes until the " next semester " for fear she would get sick . From 8 weeks to 11 weeks , Liezel stayed home . I took a week off of work , my husband took a week off , and my retired parents stayed with her for a week during the day while we worked . Aside from hating the crate she seemed like a perfectly content pup . The neighbors came over to meet her and when she met their Rottweiler , she was in Heaven ! She took to him like he was her best friend . I wondered if she thought " Wow ! Something like me - just bigger . " I remember commenting that the neighbor 's dog looked at me with an expression of " get this mosquito away from me ! " She loved when he came over . During the 8 - to 12 - week age we had major snowfall in Michigan . We had to dig tracks in the yard for Liezel to go potty since the snow was deeper than she was tall . It was very cold and with the snow and salt we did not take her for walks . However , she went to the pet store ( I carried her ) , the vet , and my parents house for small amounts of exposure . I know , I know " 8 - to 12 - weeks is a critical time for socialization ! " My thought process was I would rather delay socialization a few weeks than take the chance of having another sick dog . At eleven weeks , Liezel started daycare . She couldn 't be with the other puppies yet because she still had a week to go for shots , but she was in the office with the employees - and out of the house . The daycare workers pointed out that she really hated being crated ( yep , we know ) . At home or daycare , while crated she would howl and cry to the point of peeing and / or pooping herself . Never was the crate used for punishment . The purpose of crating her was to create her own private space . The idea being she can go to her crate knowing that when there no one will bother her . It 's her " safe place . " In the meantime , until she realized it was her safe - place she would be crated for naps and at night . It got to the point during what should have been nap time ( she 's fallen asleep somewhere and we pick her up and put her in the crate ) she would just cry , scream and howl . I actually called the breeder and ask " what should we do ? ! " Some dogs don 't take to a crate so the advice was to just let her sleep wherever she laid down . She would still have to be crated at night since she wasn 't fully potty trained . I slept on the floor next to her for four weeks , slowly increasing the distance from her until I could get in to bed . Back to daycare , at 13 weeks she started playing with the other dogs ( shots at 12 weeks , then a week to recover ) . She played with the other puppies and came home worn out . For one hour during the day all the dogs are kenneled ( inside ) for a lunch break . Liezel was still getting three meals a day so this was her lunch and nap break . Being in the kennel alone was as bad as being crated . She would pee / poop herself and cry and howl . One day they had to bathe her because she was in such a tither she got poop all over herself . This was causing me to have some anxiety . I have a happy , healthy puppy who does not like to be crated . I start wondering ' how am I ever going to leave the house ? , ' ' how are we ever going to leave her alone ? , ' ' what have I gotten us into ? ' I talked to the trainer once we started puppy classes and she had some tips . 1 ) never let her out of the crate when she 's crying - doing so will teach her that crying gets her released . Um , she cries the whole time she 's in it . 2 ) hit a wall just outside the room where the crate is . It will get her attention and she will stop to listen . At that moment of silence go get her . 3 ) never tell her " good girl " when she 's coming out of the crate - doing so will teach her getting out is the reward . 4 ) do not show excitement when letting her out . Open the door and walk away . Getting out is not fun / exciting ; going in should be . So over the course of the next couple of months we worked on this . The living room crate for naps was removed and the bedroom crate for nighttime was moved from the foot of the bed to my side . The move would allow her to see down the hallway when she was crated when we went out . Here I should interject that " going out " meant running to the grocery store , maybe going out to dinner , or stopping by my parents ( they live two miles away ) . This wasn 't out to dinner , drinks , and a movie - or even an extended family get - together . We were gone an hour or less . When we got home the crate would be covered in drool and she would be panting . Separation anxiety ? Just complete fear of the crate ? What is the problem , here ? At five months old we stopped using the crate all together . She was locked in our bedroom by a baby gate when we went out and this was a much better solution . She was calmer and we found ( via recording ) that she would curl up on the bed and sleep while we were gone . No drooling , panting , or pacing . She also started sleeping with us at night . It seemed a better option than the nighttime crying , panting , drooling , etc . She jumped into bed , curled up , and that was that . We continued with classes . Puppy class was a great success ! She knew sit , down , shake , watch , and touch before class even started ( remember those several weeks she stayed home ? We were teaching her some stuff . ) so she was kinda the star student [ proud smile ] . By the time we got to intermediate / advanced obedience we noticed some undesirable behaviors . Also around this time , the weather had gotten better and we started taking walks where we also observed undesirable behavior . At class she began barking and attempting to run toward ( on leash ) other people . On a walk , once we got about two houses away , she would turn around pulling toward home . Her happy disposition changed to a vigilant , nervous one . If anyone came out and asked to pet her , she would shrink back and avoid being touched . When she was about 6 months old we were on a walk in the neighborhood . Approaching a driveway partially blocked by a Jeep , two remote control cars came toward us . Liezel barked and lunged at them . The cars were being run by two little boys and the adult started screaming , " Get that dog off of my property before I get my f - ing gun and shoot it . " Hmm . This seemed over - the - top . My then 6 - month old puppy , was startled by the things coming at her , and she reacted . The guy went crazy ! I pointed out to him that I was on city property and I had every right to be there . Well his threats continued so I called the police . He too called the police and was yelling " It 's a Rottweiler ! A ROTTWEILER ! " While on the phone with the police his wife approached me saying " Please , just leave . Please . " Another man in his group approached me saying , " Get out of here you bitch ! " The whole thing escalated very quickly and it really shook me and Liezel up . After this episode I became very nervous about walking Liezel . If you know anything about dogs , you know they feed off their owners ' feelings . So I 'm feeding her nervousness and anxiety by being nervous and anxious . Round and round it went . Around this time a few other things happened . We took a day trip to see the breeder and let her see Liezel . When Deb tried to pet Liezel 's head , Liezel back away . Deb asked me " You haven 't hit her have you ? " Nope . We went camping one weekend and Liezel was so frantic and worried she barked the entire time and got to the point of vomiting from nervousness . We actually took her for a car ride hoping 1 ) to calm her down and 2 ) let the other campers have some peace and quiet . She started barking and lunging at all strangers - going into and out of daycare , at agility class , on a walk , etc . All strangers . And she would freak out at the sound of any car door outside , the doorbell ( real or on TV ) , or the neighbors she could see in their house from the backyard . When I say " freaking out " she would jump up , front paws on the front door , scratching , barking , spit flying , hackles up . Most times there was nothing there . Then it would take an hour or more for her to calm down . I spoke with the trainer about all of this . She did not seem very concerned and gave the impression that Liezel could outgrow it . This was insufficient for me . I needed an action plan . We also had a guy out to our house who represented a company that used e - collars . The company came recommended to us by a family member . His presentation and explanation was really off - putting . We didn 't understand the concept and wondered how could we expect Liezel to understand if we didn 't . Additionally , he said " The dog will have to wear a muzzle in order for me to work with her . " I 'm not opposed to using a muzzle , but he made no attempt to interact with Liezel . His idea was put a muzzle on her and an e - collar and get started . Neither my husband nor I got a good feeling about this so the idea was quickly discarded . The third trainer , Lynn , taught me about thresholds . Not letting Liezel get to the point of reacting because once she was over threshold she was unable to learn . I guess it would be like trying to learn a new skill while being chased by a bear ? When something scary is happening to you , you are not in a learning frame of mind . Week after week for several months , Lynn came to our house and worked on keeping Liezel under threshold . Here 's how it started . Liezel was in the bedroom when Lynn arrived . She sat at the kitchen table while I went to get Liezel . Liezel and I came out of the bedroom one step at a time . When Liezel saw Lynn , I was to say " Good girl " give her a treat , and retreat to the bedroom . Her reward for looking and not reacting was getting to leave the scary thing / person . After weeks of this , we moved outside . Lynn would be across the street and I would walk Liezel . When Liezel looked at Lynn she was praised and treated . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the lesson was over . Lynn also gave me instructions on a dog training process that taught the dog to stay on a mat / bed / blanket while things went on around it . So day one you tell the dog " go to your mat " and treat her when she gets on it [ Liezel already knew " go to your bed " so this was not difficult to teach ] . Take one step away from the mat and come back with " good girl " and a treat . This goes on and on for weeks with progressively more difficult things like running around the dog / mat , leaving the room , opening the front door , and ringing the doorbell . When you get through the whole thing , you start all over again in a different room . We went through all of the weeks ( it took twice as long as the plan because you can 't move on to the next day if the dog gets off the mat today ) and then started the whole thing over in the backyard . Also during this time , we hired a stranger to do stranger approaches . I found a local pet walker and paid her to sit at one end of the parking lot of an empty factory building , while we , 500 feet away , tried to approach and stay under threshold . The instructions from Lynn on this exercise was to come out from behind the building and wait for Liezel to see the stranger . Once she did , " good girl " and retreat . Do it again and try to get a foot closer . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the training was over for the day . After a few months we could get about 450 feet away before Liezel reacted . I stopped taking her to agility with our original trainer . Liezel seemed to really like running the agility course , but on the sideline she would panic over the other people and dogs . It came to a point where I decided the fun of the course did not outweigh the stress of the sidelines . We talked with our vet about this , all of this . She had blood sent out to test for thyroid issues and the results came back normal . It was time to try medication . Our vet could not prescribe Prozac so we went to a recommended veterinary behaviorist who did . She put Liezel on 30mg / day . The intention of medication was to calm Liezel enough so we could continue working on training under threshold . We were becoming a bit reclusive . An entire summer went by and we never took our camper out of storage . I was avoiding any talk of vacation because I didn 't know what we would do with her . When she was 14 months old we did go on vacation and left her with our original trainer . I checked in with the trainer everyday but got vague responses . Come to find out , Liezel just paced the whole time we were gone . During said summer when we didn 't camp , I came across a trainer that I had emailed months before but never heard back from . He was a police dog trainer so I assumed my issues with Liezel probably weren 't what he was looking to work with . He had a booth set up at a city festival advertising dog training , specifically aggression . I found my original email to him , forwarded it with a note saying " Hey , just saw you at the festival . Please see my email below from several months ago and let me know if you can help . " Simply , Z says : June 18 , 2016 at 10 : 35 am Interesting thoughts . We had a puppy too but sadly parted with her because of allergies . We found a nice home for her . I could relate to your puppy " hating " her crate . I will definitely refer to your blog when we get a second chance . Keep writing . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 18 , 2016 at 11 : 40 am Thank you ! It 's been hard having a fearful dog but also very rewarding ! I hope my lessons can help some one else . Reply Tim Taylor says : June 19 , 2016 at 9 : 14 am I 've read all your posts and I have to say they are extremely interesting . My favorite breed is a Doberman , next is German Shepard and then Rottweilers . I hate little yappin ' dogs with a passion . I absolutely love Wolves and I almost got one once upon a time . For me , that would have been a dream come true . Keep writin ' , ' cause now I wanna know how Liezel progresses ! I , too , have a pooch who doesn 't like the crate idea . She does the same panting , drooling thing , plus licks her front legs into sopping appendages ! I went for the baby gate idea , as well , because it didn 't make any sense to continue to upset her so badly with the crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 24 , 2016 at 5 : 56 pm Thank you ! And thank you for following me . Liezel has been trying , but when I look into her little brown almond eyes , I know she was meant for me and me for her . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply jay1991katira says : June 28 , 2016 at 1 : 33 am Nice one , You gave me nice snaps of pet . I love dogs . thank you Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 7 , 2016 at 8 : 17 am I love dogs , too ! They 're loyal and loving . I 'm glad you like the pictures ! Reply frankprem says : July 1 , 2016 at 6 : 47 pm Gorgeous looking dog . Best luck with raising her , and much enjoyment . Cheers , Frank Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 18 , 2016 at 2 : 26 pm Thanks , Laura . I need to commit some time to writing . We 've had a house guest for two weeks and she 's exhausting ! Reply Vaibhav says : July 26 , 2016 at 6 : 26 am Hi again , thanks for stopping by . I read this post and have to say this - I 'm not a dog person at all , bit scared actually and love cats . However , Liezel looks so adorable . A missed vacation sounds terrible but am sure this phase will pass . Great blog title - it will go places . Have a nice day . Reply txhomegirl says : July 27 , 2016 at 5 : 00 pm Good blog ! I have to know what happened . I love Rotts . I 've owned two males and now own a female . She is much more skittish than my males were . Reply hadleylovesgus says : August 9 , 2016 at 12 : 36 pm I feel your pain ! We have our little yorkie , Gus , who suffers from fear of strangers as well . We are in the process of working with him now too . Thank you for writing ! I am hopeful to do a similar documentation of our journey as its been a great help to hear of other stories of people like us who are working hard to help a pup in this type of situation . Thank you ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 9 , 2016 at 5 : 42 pm I 'm so happy to be able to share this experience with you ! The anxiety and constant stress of Liezel 's fear has been tiresome . Every little accomplishment is celebrated because we 're that much closer to her being comfortable . Thank you for reading . I look forward to hearing more about Gus . LikeLike Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 10 am What a captivating story . Hats off to you for sticking with Liezel . She is truly lucky to have found you guys . We 're having some issues with our Bella ( nothing as severe as this ) and reading this makes me believe there might be hope yet 🙂 Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 14 am Hi Diya . Thanks for reading about Liezel ! Yes , there is hope ! With a good trainer and a lot of patience , improvement can be made . What is Bella doing ? Is she fearful ? Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 22 am Yes she is . Goes on full alert , growls and barks persistently when someone dares to pass by our front door . Thankfully she doesn 't lunge at anyone and sometimes I think she barks more out of fear than possessiveness of her territory . Part of it may just be us reading the signs wrong . We are first time dog owners and are only fostering her for a few weeks . She seems okay at times and just when we think she has finally acclimatized she starts up again . But she 's a sweetheart and we will be sorry to see her go . owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 2 : 54 pm I wish that just once in a while they could talk . All the best with Bella ! LikeLike Vernon says : August 27 , 2016 at 5 : 11 am Hi I 'm a passionate Rottweiler owner . I understand your lost with Zelda . When I lost my first Rott name BAR I said I would never own another dog . It took me years to get over him . Today we have our third one name Sebastian . It was my wife first time ever owning a dog . He had anxiety and tried to run our home when we first got him . I never had a crate with my first two dogs so when Nicole said he have to stay in one until we get him trained from chewing everything I wasn 't sure about it . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 27 , 2016 at 8 : 00 am Hi Vernon ! Your comment made me smile first thing this morning ! Yes , Rottweilers have special personalities . I 'm sorry for your loss of BAR . It is so very painful . Congratulations on opening your heart and home to other dogs - they really do make home a better place . For your wife , a first time male Rottweiler is a brave place to start ! According to the breeder we used , the males goes through an ownership phase where they test you to see what they can get away with . Sure , female go through terrible twos , but I guess it doesn 't compare . You mention the nervousness and insecurities - you are spot on with that ! Liezel picks up my emotions in a frighteningly accurate way . If I 'm even feeling a little off , she starts acting nervous . Maybe that 's proof that she was meant to be mine : ) . I really think that most ( if not all ) Rottweilers are big babies ! ! Liezel 's whole issue is fear , she is afraid of strangers . But the people she knows … she will do anything you tell her for a treat , she wants to lick your face and get her belly rubbed . I 'm happy that your wife loves dogs now . Shelby sounds cute - for a little dog - hahaha ! I 'm more of a big dog kinda gal . Ecohug says : September 14 , 2016 at 11 : 35 am Great post , I really enjoyed reading it and wanted to tell you that you are a great dog mom for sticking it out and really working on helping Liezel . I wanted to ask if you tried anything more natural to relieve anxiety , like herbs that are designed to relax the dog ? We had something similar ( not as bad as yours ) with our dog , Maddie , when we brought her home and giving her some herbs really helped her be calm especially in her crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : September 14 , 2016 at 12 : 55 pm Hi ! Thank you for reading about Liezel ! Yes , she gets two Chinese herbs : Shen Calmer and Chai Hu Shu Gan . Both are from our vet . We noticed HUGE improvements once we started the herbs . At one point last winter I took her off of them since she was doing pretty good and we noticed regression in her reactivity . The vet recommended putting her back on them , and again , they brought her back to a calmer , less reactive dog . Reply 200 Saturdays until Paris says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 26 pm I love what a patient and kind person you have been with your baby . I know it has been hard , but I am so happy you didn 't give up . ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 38 pm Thank you ! She she is wonderful in many , many ways . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 20 , 2016 at 5 : 14 am I 'm exhausted reading what you have been through . Also if you need to have break , Liezel should be in good hands with the breeder . I look forward to reading if it gets better for you . Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 21 , 2016 at 5 : 02 am Yes it was long , but it was very thoroughly written . I was hoping desperately that peace and harmony would reign for you , but I had to wait until now to find out . But I am very glad it has gotten better for you . Good on your parents . John Chon says : November 14 , 2016 at 7 : 06 pm Your dog is so cute ! I really liked how thorough you were in this post . I can tell that you love your dog very much . It 's so great to see loving and responsible dog owners out there 🙂 Keep up the great work ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 15 , 2016 at 4 : 43 am Hi John ! Thank you ! We think she 's pretty cute , too . I 'm very glad you enjoyed reading about Liezel . She is doing so much better . LikeLiked by 1 person charlypriest says : November 17 , 2016 at 12 : 58 pm Cute dog , I myself have a recent addition to the family that is called Tina a bulldog of 7 months . What I find fascinating about all this is … . . the dog has a daycarecenter ! That is unheard here in Spain . That dog has better care as a youngster than I did . I 'm actually jealous . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 17 , 2016 at 2 : 34 pm Oh what we do for our pets here … ! Thank you for reading ! Yay for you and Tina ! There is something so wonderful about having a dog . Reply charlypriest says : November 18 , 2016 at 6 : 09 am She does puts me a smile on the face , although she can be a pain in the but quite a lot of times . Specially when she starts eating walls , chairs , sofas , socks , the list goes on . What a stomach this dog has , it 's bullet proof .
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Knowing nothing about blogs or blogging , I had a * great * idea this morning to start my own and write all about my dog . I considered writing a book … but would there be enough to say and would anyone care ? At least this way , I can get it all out in writing , look at what I 've got and see where it goes . We ( my husband and I ) brought home a 7 . 5 week Rottweiler puppy on January 17 , 2014 . We named her Liezel ( sounds like diesel ) , I 'll spare you the long AKC registered name . I was apprehensive because we had just gone though a painful year and a half of caring for a very sick Rottweiler , Zelda . We put her down just before her second birthday in September , 2013 , and it was heartbreaking . Zelda was my first dog , I loved her more than I knew was possible . Getting a new puppy was scary ( what if she 's sick ) and exciting ( puppies are fun and cute ) . My intention for getting a dog was not only companionship but also to compete in dog sports ( obedience , agility ) , ultimately Schutzhund . We were supposed to start puppy classes right away , but Liezel not having her 12 - week shots , I postponed classes until the " next semester " for fear she would get sick . From 8 weeks to 11 weeks , Liezel stayed home . I took a week off of work , my husband took a week off , and my retired parents stayed with her for a week during the day while we worked . Aside from hating the crate she seemed like a perfectly content pup . The neighbors came over to meet her and when she met their Rottweiler , she was in Heaven ! She took to him like he was her best friend . I wondered if she thought " Wow ! Something like me - just bigger . " I remember commenting that the neighbor 's dog looked at me with an expression of " get this mosquito away from me ! " She loved when he came over . During the 8 - to 12 - week age we had major snowfall in Michigan . We had to dig tracks in the yard for Liezel to go potty since the snow was deeper than she was tall . It was very cold and with the snow and salt we did not take her for walks . However , she went to the pet store ( I carried her ) , the vet , and my parents house for small amounts of exposure . I know , I know " 8 - to 12 - weeks is a critical time for socialization ! " My thought process was I would rather delay socialization a few weeks than take the chance of having another sick dog . At eleven weeks , Liezel started daycare . She couldn 't be with the other puppies yet because she still had a week to go for shots , but she was in the office with the employees - and out of the house . The daycare workers pointed out that she really hated being crated ( yep , we know ) . At home or daycare , while crated she would howl and cry to the point of peeing and / or pooping herself . Never was the crate used for punishment . The purpose of crating her was to create her own private space . The idea being she can go to her crate knowing that when there no one will bother her . It 's her " safe place . " In the meantime , until she realized it was her safe - place she would be crated for naps and at night . It got to the point during what should have been nap time ( she 's fallen asleep somewhere and we pick her up and put her in the crate ) she would just cry , scream and howl . I actually called the breeder and ask " what should we do ? ! " Some dogs don 't take to a crate so the advice was to just let her sleep wherever she laid down . She would still have to be crated at night since she wasn 't fully potty trained . I slept on the floor next to her for four weeks , slowly increasing the distance from her until I could get in to bed . Back to daycare , at 13 weeks she started playing with the other dogs ( shots at 12 weeks , then a week to recover ) . She played with the other puppies and came home worn out . For one hour during the day all the dogs are kenneled ( inside ) for a lunch break . Liezel was still getting three meals a day so this was her lunch and nap break . Being in the kennel alone was as bad as being crated . She would pee / poop herself and cry and howl . One day they had to bathe her because she was in such a tither she got poop all over herself . This was causing me to have some anxiety . I have a happy , healthy puppy who does not like to be crated . I start wondering ' how am I ever going to leave the house ? , ' ' how are we ever going to leave her alone ? , ' ' what have I gotten us into ? ' I talked to the trainer once we started puppy classes and she had some tips . 1 ) never let her out of the crate when she 's crying - doing so will teach her that crying gets her released . Um , she cries the whole time she 's in it . 2 ) hit a wall just outside the room where the crate is . It will get her attention and she will stop to listen . At that moment of silence go get her . 3 ) never tell her " good girl " when she 's coming out of the crate - doing so will teach her getting out is the reward . 4 ) do not show excitement when letting her out . Open the door and walk away . Getting out is not fun / exciting ; going in should be . So over the course of the next couple of months we worked on this . The living room crate for naps was removed and the bedroom crate for nighttime was moved from the foot of the bed to my side . The move would allow her to see down the hallway when she was crated when we went out . Here I should interject that " going out " meant running to the grocery store , maybe going out to dinner , or stopping by my parents ( they live two miles away ) . This wasn 't out to dinner , drinks , and a movie - or even an extended family get - together . We were gone an hour or less . When we got home the crate would be covered in drool and she would be panting . Separation anxiety ? Just complete fear of the crate ? What is the problem , here ? At five months old we stopped using the crate all together . She was locked in our bedroom by a baby gate when we went out and this was a much better solution . She was calmer and we found ( via recording ) that she would curl up on the bed and sleep while we were gone . No drooling , panting , or pacing . She also started sleeping with us at night . It seemed a better option than the nighttime crying , panting , drooling , etc . She jumped into bed , curled up , and that was that . We continued with classes . Puppy class was a great success ! She knew sit , down , shake , watch , and touch before class even started ( remember those several weeks she stayed home ? We were teaching her some stuff . ) so she was kinda the star student [ proud smile ] . By the time we got to intermediate / advanced obedience we noticed some undesirable behaviors . Also around this time , the weather had gotten better and we started taking walks where we also observed undesirable behavior . At class she began barking and attempting to run toward ( on leash ) other people . On a walk , once we got about two houses away , she would turn around pulling toward home . Her happy disposition changed to a vigilant , nervous one . If anyone came out and asked to pet her , she would shrink back and avoid being touched . When she was about 6 months old we were on a walk in the neighborhood . Approaching a driveway partially blocked by a Jeep , two remote control cars came toward us . Liezel barked and lunged at them . The cars were being run by two little boys and the adult started screaming , " Get that dog off of my property before I get my f - ing gun and shoot it . " Hmm . This seemed over - the - top . My then 6 - month old puppy , was startled by the things coming at her , and she reacted . The guy went crazy ! I pointed out to him that I was on city property and I had every right to be there . Well his threats continued so I called the police . He too called the police and was yelling " It 's a Rottweiler ! A ROTTWEILER ! " While on the phone with the police his wife approached me saying " Please , just leave . Please . " Another man in his group approached me saying , " Get out of here you bitch ! " The whole thing escalated very quickly and it really shook me and Liezel up . After this episode I became very nervous about walking Liezel . If you know anything about dogs , you know they feed off their owners ' feelings . So I 'm feeding her nervousness and anxiety by being nervous and anxious . Round and round it went . Around this time a few other things happened . We took a day trip to see the breeder and let her see Liezel . When Deb tried to pet Liezel 's head , Liezel back away . Deb asked me " You haven 't hit her have you ? " Nope . We went camping one weekend and Liezel was so frantic and worried she barked the entire time and got to the point of vomiting from nervousness . We actually took her for a car ride hoping 1 ) to calm her down and 2 ) let the other campers have some peace and quiet . She started barking and lunging at all strangers - going into and out of daycare , at agility class , on a walk , etc . All strangers . And she would freak out at the sound of any car door outside , the doorbell ( real or on TV ) , or the neighbors she could see in their house from the backyard . When I say " freaking out " she would jump up , front paws on the front door , scratching , barking , spit flying , hackles up . Most times there was nothing there . Then it would take an hour or more for her to calm down . I spoke with the trainer about all of this . She did not seem very concerned and gave the impression that Liezel could outgrow it . This was insufficient for me . I needed an action plan . We also had a guy out to our house who represented a company that used e - collars . The company came recommended to us by a family member . His presentation and explanation was really off - putting . We didn 't understand the concept and wondered how could we expect Liezel to understand if we didn 't . Additionally , he said " The dog will have to wear a muzzle in order for me to work with her . " I 'm not opposed to using a muzzle , but he made no attempt to interact with Liezel . His idea was put a muzzle on her and an e - collar and get started . Neither my husband nor I got a good feeling about this so the idea was quickly discarded . The third trainer , Lynn , taught me about thresholds . Not letting Liezel get to the point of reacting because once she was over threshold she was unable to learn . I guess it would be like trying to learn a new skill while being chased by a bear ? When something scary is happening to you , you are not in a learning frame of mind . Week after week for several months , Lynn came to our house and worked on keeping Liezel under threshold . Here 's how it started . Liezel was in the bedroom when Lynn arrived . She sat at the kitchen table while I went to get Liezel . Liezel and I came out of the bedroom one step at a time . When Liezel saw Lynn , I was to say " Good girl " give her a treat , and retreat to the bedroom . Her reward for looking and not reacting was getting to leave the scary thing / person . After weeks of this , we moved outside . Lynn would be across the street and I would walk Liezel . When Liezel looked at Lynn she was praised and treated . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the lesson was over . Lynn also gave me instructions on a dog training process that taught the dog to stay on a mat / bed / blanket while things went on around it . So day one you tell the dog " go to your mat " and treat her when she gets on it [ Liezel already knew " go to your bed " so this was not difficult to teach ] . Take one step away from the mat and come back with " good girl " and a treat . This goes on and on for weeks with progressively more difficult things like running around the dog / mat , leaving the room , opening the front door , and ringing the doorbell . When you get through the whole thing , you start all over again in a different room . We went through all of the weeks ( it took twice as long as the plan because you can 't move on to the next day if the dog gets off the mat today ) and then started the whole thing over in the backyard . Also during this time , we hired a stranger to do stranger approaches . I found a local pet walker and paid her to sit at one end of the parking lot of an empty factory building , while we , 500 feet away , tried to approach and stay under threshold . The instructions from Lynn on this exercise was to come out from behind the building and wait for Liezel to see the stranger . Once she did , " good girl " and retreat . Do it again and try to get a foot closer . If Liezel went over threshold ( barking / lunging ) the training was over for the day . After a few months we could get about 450 feet away before Liezel reacted . I stopped taking her to agility with our original trainer . Liezel seemed to really like running the agility course , but on the sideline she would panic over the other people and dogs . It came to a point where I decided the fun of the course did not outweigh the stress of the sidelines . We talked with our vet about this , all of this . She had blood sent out to test for thyroid issues and the results came back normal . It was time to try medication . Our vet could not prescribe Prozac so we went to a recommended veterinary behaviorist who did . She put Liezel on 30mg / day . The intention of medication was to calm Liezel enough so we could continue working on training under threshold . We were becoming a bit reclusive . An entire summer went by and we never took our camper out of storage . I was avoiding any talk of vacation because I didn 't know what we would do with her . When she was 14 months old we did go on vacation and left her with our original trainer . I checked in with the trainer everyday but got vague responses . Come to find out , Liezel just paced the whole time we were gone . During said summer when we didn 't camp , I came across a trainer that I had emailed months before but never heard back from . He was a police dog trainer so I assumed my issues with Liezel probably weren 't what he was looking to work with . He had a booth set up at a city festival advertising dog training , specifically aggression . I found my original email to him , forwarded it with a note saying " Hey , just saw you at the festival . Please see my email below from several months ago and let me know if you can help . " Simply , Z says : June 18 , 2016 at 10 : 35 am Interesting thoughts . We had a puppy too but sadly parted with her because of allergies . We found a nice home for her . I could relate to your puppy " hating " her crate . I will definitely refer to your blog when we get a second chance . Keep writing . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 18 , 2016 at 11 : 40 am Thank you ! It 's been hard having a fearful dog but also very rewarding ! I hope my lessons can help some one else . Reply Tim Taylor says : June 19 , 2016 at 9 : 14 am I 've read all your posts and I have to say they are extremely interesting . My favorite breed is a Doberman , next is German Shepard and then Rottweilers . I hate little yappin ' dogs with a passion . I absolutely love Wolves and I almost got one once upon a time . For me , that would have been a dream come true . Keep writin ' , ' cause now I wanna know how Liezel progresses ! I , too , have a pooch who doesn 't like the crate idea . She does the same panting , drooling thing , plus licks her front legs into sopping appendages ! I went for the baby gate idea , as well , because it didn 't make any sense to continue to upset her so badly with the crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : June 24 , 2016 at 5 : 56 pm Thank you ! And thank you for following me . Liezel has been trying , but when I look into her little brown almond eyes , I know she was meant for me and me for her . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply jay1991katira says : June 28 , 2016 at 1 : 33 am Nice one , You gave me nice snaps of pet . I love dogs . thank you Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 7 , 2016 at 8 : 17 am I love dogs , too ! They 're loyal and loving . I 'm glad you like the pictures ! Reply frankprem says : July 1 , 2016 at 6 : 47 pm Gorgeous looking dog . Best luck with raising her , and much enjoyment . Cheers , Frank Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : July 18 , 2016 at 2 : 26 pm Thanks , Laura . I need to commit some time to writing . We 've had a house guest for two weeks and she 's exhausting ! Reply Vaibhav says : July 26 , 2016 at 6 : 26 am Hi again , thanks for stopping by . I read this post and have to say this - I 'm not a dog person at all , bit scared actually and love cats . However , Liezel looks so adorable . A missed vacation sounds terrible but am sure this phase will pass . Great blog title - it will go places . Have a nice day . Reply txhomegirl says : July 27 , 2016 at 5 : 00 pm Good blog ! I have to know what happened . I love Rotts . I 've owned two males and now own a female . She is much more skittish than my males were . Reply hadleylovesgus says : August 9 , 2016 at 12 : 36 pm I feel your pain ! We have our little yorkie , Gus , who suffers from fear of strangers as well . We are in the process of working with him now too . Thank you for writing ! I am hopeful to do a similar documentation of our journey as its been a great help to hear of other stories of people like us who are working hard to help a pup in this type of situation . Thank you ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 9 , 2016 at 5 : 42 pm I 'm so happy to be able to share this experience with you ! The anxiety and constant stress of Liezel 's fear has been tiresome . Every little accomplishment is celebrated because we 're that much closer to her being comfortable . Thank you for reading . I look forward to hearing more about Gus . LikeLike Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 10 am What a captivating story . Hats off to you for sticking with Liezel . She is truly lucky to have found you guys . We 're having some issues with our Bella ( nothing as severe as this ) and reading this makes me believe there might be hope yet 🙂 Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 14 am Hi Diya . Thanks for reading about Liezel ! Yes , there is hope ! With a good trainer and a lot of patience , improvement can be made . What is Bella doing ? Is she fearful ? Reply Diya says : August 10 , 2016 at 8 : 22 am Yes she is . Goes on full alert , growls and barks persistently when someone dares to pass by our front door . Thankfully she doesn 't lunge at anyone and sometimes I think she barks more out of fear than possessiveness of her territory . Part of it may just be us reading the signs wrong . We are first time dog owners and are only fostering her for a few weeks . She seems okay at times and just when we think she has finally acclimatized she starts up again . But she 's a sweetheart and we will be sorry to see her go . owningadogwithanxiety says : August 10 , 2016 at 2 : 54 pm I wish that just once in a while they could talk . All the best with Bella ! LikeLike Vernon says : August 27 , 2016 at 5 : 11 am Hi I 'm a passionate Rottweiler owner . I understand your lost with Zelda . When I lost my first Rott name BAR I said I would never own another dog . It took me years to get over him . Today we have our third one name Sebastian . It was my wife first time ever owning a dog . He had anxiety and tried to run our home when we first got him . I never had a crate with my first two dogs so when Nicole said he have to stay in one until we get him trained from chewing everything I wasn 't sure about it . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : August 27 , 2016 at 8 : 00 am Hi Vernon ! Your comment made me smile first thing this morning ! Yes , Rottweilers have special personalities . I 'm sorry for your loss of BAR . It is so very painful . Congratulations on opening your heart and home to other dogs - they really do make home a better place . For your wife , a first time male Rottweiler is a brave place to start ! According to the breeder we used , the males goes through an ownership phase where they test you to see what they can get away with . Sure , female go through terrible twos , but I guess it doesn 't compare . You mention the nervousness and insecurities - you are spot on with that ! Liezel picks up my emotions in a frighteningly accurate way . If I 'm even feeling a little off , she starts acting nervous . Maybe that 's proof that she was meant to be mine : ) . I really think that most ( if not all ) Rottweilers are big babies ! ! Liezel 's whole issue is fear , she is afraid of strangers . But the people she knows … she will do anything you tell her for a treat , she wants to lick your face and get her belly rubbed . I 'm happy that your wife loves dogs now . Shelby sounds cute - for a little dog - hahaha ! I 'm more of a big dog kinda gal . Ecohug says : September 14 , 2016 at 11 : 35 am Great post , I really enjoyed reading it and wanted to tell you that you are a great dog mom for sticking it out and really working on helping Liezel . I wanted to ask if you tried anything more natural to relieve anxiety , like herbs that are designed to relax the dog ? We had something similar ( not as bad as yours ) with our dog , Maddie , when we brought her home and giving her some herbs really helped her be calm especially in her crate . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : September 14 , 2016 at 12 : 55 pm Hi ! Thank you for reading about Liezel ! Yes , she gets two Chinese herbs : Shen Calmer and Chai Hu Shu Gan . Both are from our vet . We noticed HUGE improvements once we started the herbs . At one point last winter I took her off of them since she was doing pretty good and we noticed regression in her reactivity . The vet recommended putting her back on them , and again , they brought her back to a calmer , less reactive dog . Reply 200 Saturdays until Paris says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 26 pm I love what a patient and kind person you have been with your baby . I know it has been hard , but I am so happy you didn 't give up . ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : October 12 , 2016 at 6 : 38 pm Thank you ! She she is wonderful in many , many ways . LikeLiked by 1 person Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 20 , 2016 at 5 : 14 am I 'm exhausted reading what you have been through . Also if you need to have break , Liezel should be in good hands with the breeder . I look forward to reading if it gets better for you . Reply Maria Parenti - Baldey says : October 21 , 2016 at 5 : 02 am Yes it was long , but it was very thoroughly written . I was hoping desperately that peace and harmony would reign for you , but I had to wait until now to find out . But I am very glad it has gotten better for you . Good on your parents . John Chon says : November 14 , 2016 at 7 : 06 pm Your dog is so cute ! I really liked how thorough you were in this post . I can tell that you love your dog very much . It 's so great to see loving and responsible dog owners out there 🙂 Keep up the great work ! Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 15 , 2016 at 4 : 43 am Hi John ! Thank you ! We think she 's pretty cute , too . I 'm very glad you enjoyed reading about Liezel . She is doing so much better . LikeLiked by 1 person charlypriest says : November 17 , 2016 at 12 : 58 pm Cute dog , I myself have a recent addition to the family that is called Tina a bulldog of 7 months . What I find fascinating about all this is … . . the dog has a daycarecenter ! That is unheard here in Spain . That dog has better care as a youngster than I did . I 'm actually jealous . Reply owningadogwithanxiety says : November 17 , 2016 at 2 : 34 pm Oh what we do for our pets here … ! Thank you for reading ! Yay for you and Tina ! There is something so wonderful about having a dog . Reply charlypriest says : November 18 , 2016 at 6 : 09 am She does puts me a smile on the face , although she can be a pain in the but quite a lot of times . Specially when she starts eating walls , chairs , sofas , socks , the list goes on . What a stomach this dog has , it 's bullet proof .
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While I am sure there are a ton of amazing things to do with zucchini , my favorite is baking bread . Last year , I made a lemon - zucchini loaf with a lemon glaze that I really liked , but I wanted to try something new this year for a summer zucchini loaf . I found a similar recipe on All Recipes when I was trying to come up with some sort of " summery " bread to bake for our friends who had been kind enough to take Jada out one day in June while Craig was at work and Hadley and I were visiting family in Ohio . Nothing says " thank you " like blueberries and zucchini ! Anyway , I made some adjustments based on reviews and my personal preferences , and the final result was awesome ! I hope our friends liked this as much as Craig and I did . I even made it for my parents and brothers when Hadley and I were visiting them in July , and they ate a whole loaf in one night . Especially because I posted my carrot cake that I made for Easter after the 4th of July this year ( you can blame it on being a mom who also tries to work from home ) , I thought I would try posting this one while it was still at least somewhat relevant . Since Labor Day Weekend ( aka the unofficial end of summer ) is this coming weekend , I felt like I should offer this recipe now , as a " last hurrah " of summer baking . Let 's be honest , everyone is ready for this miserably hot and humid summer ( it was 99 degrees with a heat index of 110 this past Friday ) to end and the fall weather , decorations , and baking to begin , but this is still . so . good . In a large bowl , beat together the eggs , oil , vanilla , and sugars . Fold in the zucchini . In a separate bowl , mix the flour , salt , baking powder , baking soda , cinnamon , and nutmeg . Mix the dry ingredients to the zucchini mixture . Gently fold in the blueberries . Transfer to prepared loaf pans . Posted in Bread , Breakfast , Desserts and tagged baking , blueberry , bread , breakfast , dairy free , dessert , non - dairy , recipe , recipes , sweet , zucchini . Bookmark the permalink . Carrot Cake With Cream Cheese Frosting Obviously , I have not kept up with my blog since Hadley has come along . I really enjoy it , but with Craig doing his med school rotations and trying to get everything together for his residency applications , he is staying quite busy . Of course Craig is amazing and spends just about every moment he can with us , but med school is still med school . I am still trying to work from home while I take care of Hadley , so that obviously does not leave a lot of spare time for blogging , hence my hiatus . However , with the deliciousness of this cake , I have decided to force the time it takes to post this recipe . It was that good . Who knows , maybe I will get inspired from this post and start keeping up with this again . Craig and I love having family and friends visit , and we have been truly blessed by many visits between living in Charleston and having the sweetest baby in the world . Still , we decided we wanted Easter this year to be just us . I was so excited for the family fun we would be having , until Hadley came down with a terrible cold that Friday , and the poor girl felt pretty cruddy all weekend . Our weekend ended up being a Castle dvd marathon while we cleaned the condo and traded off holding our sweet , sick girl . A bit of a bummer . Despite this all , that Sunday was going to be Resurrection Sunday and Hadley 's first Easter ; we were going to celebrate . So , with my lowered revamped expectations of how our weekend would be , I was still determined of two things : 1 . We would get a family picture . 2 . I would make an Easter dinner and dessert . I really don 't remember what all was included in dinner ( besides the ham that I made for the very first time ) , because the whole weekend was such a chaotic blur . BUT , I do remember the dessert very well . Yum , yum ! I have always loved carrot cake , especially the cream cheese frosting , but I had put off making one since Craig and I got married , because I wasn 't sure how a dairy free cake would compare to the real thing , plus Craig didn 't remember what he thought of carrot cake when he is a kid . There are few thing more frustrating in the realm of dairy free cooking / baking that taking the time to make something dairy free from scratch only to find out at the end that Craig would have really preferred a from - the - box pan of brownies . But this was our first Easter Sunday with Hadley , and even though she obviously wouldn 't be having the carrot cake , something about it being her first Easter made me feel extra domestic and Southern Living - esque ( same reason I made a ham that weekend for the very first time ) . I am so glad I took the risk on this . Craig loved the cake and the variety it added to his dairy free dessert options . I was surprised at how easy it was to make dairy free . And most of all , I was totally surprised at how non - dairy free it tasted , which is always the true sign of success in my world of dairy free cooking and baking . In a large bowl , beat together eggs , oil , pineapple , brown and white sugar , and vanilla extract . Separately , combine flour , baking soda , baking powder , salt , cinnamon , and nutmeg . Add dry ingredient mixture to wet ingredient mixture . Stir in carrots . Fold in chopped pecans . Pour into prepared pans . Bake in preheated oven 35 - 40 minutes , or until toothpick inserted into center comes out clean . Let cool in pans for ten minutes , and then transfer to wire rack to cool completely . In a medium bowl , combine butter , cream cheese , confectioners ' sugar , and vanilla extract . Stir in chopped pecans . Stack the two cake layers with a coat of frosting in between , and then finish frosting the cake completely . Posted in Desserts , Recipes , Seasonal Food and tagged cake , carrot cake , cream cheese frosting , dairy free , dessert , Easter , holidays , non - dairy , recipe , recipes . Bookmark the permalink . A Baby , A Cellphone , And Sleep Deprived Parents By the end of my pregnancy , I was tired of a lot of things . I mean , honestly , I had a relatively easy pregnancy , but I am sure women with easier and more difficult pregnancies than mine can all agree that they were just over everything by the end . I was ready to not be lugging an extra 30lbs around . I was sick of being nauseated ( though my nausea was only occasional at the end of my pregnancy ) . I was tired of misjudging how enormous my belly actually was and therefore bumping into things when I would try to squeeze through a space I was apparently too big for . I was over the fact that I needed to pee about every fifteen minutes . The list could go on . But most of all , I was tired of people telling me to " get sleep now , because I would never get to sleep again . " That was the advice I got over and over and over . I mean , really ? It 's not like I was some 3 - year - old who thought that I didn 't need naps . I love my sleep , and Craig LOVES his sleep , and we were already sleeping when we could . Did people honestly think I was going to get more sleep because they told us that , or were they just trying to be funny ? But time and time again , I would hear this advice from men and women who already had kids … they would tell us with something in between a smile and a smirk on their face , like they knew something we didn 't . They were in the " parent club , " and Craig and I had yet to be initiated , and it drove me crazy . Well here we are now , with a three - month - old , and I am pretty certain Craig and I have been initiated . I don 't know exactly when our initiation took place . Was it the first time we got spit up on ? Was it when we hit the hundred diaper threshold ? Was it when I had to take Hadley to get her first set of vaccines ? Or was it this morning , midway through January , when I dressed Hadley in " My First Christmas " clothes , because that 's what was clean in her drawer ? I don 't know . But I will tell you this , the night of October 7 is the night when I finally understood what all those parents had been talking about before . Craig and I had been very sleep deprived up to that point , but until October 5 , my parents had been in town to help us . Now , we were all on our own , and the sleep deprivation really kicked into high gear … So newborn babies have to eat all the time . I mean ALL . THE . TIME . At first , we were having to feed Hadley every two hours , and that is from the beginning of a feed to the beginning of the next feed , not two hours in between . While Hadley had a good latch , we were still getting the hang of breastfeeding , and she was constantly trying to stick her hand in her mouth instead of eating , so it was a bit of a struggle . From beginning to end , with burping and everything , feeding Hadley could take over an hour . We would finally finish , and then we 'd have to start again 45 or 50 minutes later . This was around the clock , so you can imagine we were quite tired . Craig was trooper . Since I had to feed Hadley , he would set his alarm , get up to get Hadley , and bring her to me . Then he would lay down while I fed her on one side . When I was done with the first side , I would lay down while Craig burped Hadley in between , then he would give her back to me for the other side before he burped her once more and laid her back down . We had what we thought was a flawless system . In the middle of that night , early in October , I laid in bed as I listened to Craig 's cellphone alarm going off , knowing that it meant I had to get up in a moment to feed Hadley yet again . So I waited . And I listened to his alarm . And waited . And listened to is alarm . And waited . What was going on ? The alarm had been going off for a couple minutes , and Craig hadn 't even hit the Snooze button . Now I was starting to get annoyed because I was the one awake during his " shift , " and Craig was clearly sleeping through the alarm . I opened my eyes and rolled over to wake Craig up , and my jaw dropped . I could not believe what I was seeing . There my sweet husband was , doing the jiggle walk that new parents quickly learn and old parents never forget , sweetly Shhhhhh - ing in the ear … . of his cellphone . In case you don 't have the picture in your head … imagine a man holding a baby and gently bouncing the baby as they walk , with his mouth right next to the baby 's ear to give the baby a soothing " Shhhhh , it 's ok , Daddy 's here . " That was Craig , except with his ringing cellphone . He thought his cellphone was a crying baby . I couldn 't believe my eyes at first . " Craig ! " I said in that stern whisper - yell thing that people do sometimes . He looked over at me . " I need to nurse the baby , " I told him . With that , Craig handed his phone to me , the alarm still ringing loudly , so that I could nurse it . My jaw dropped lower . I turned off the cellphone alarm . " Craig ! Where is the baby ? ! " Craig jumped . I could see the panic in his eyes as he looked around on the floor . His mind was easy to read at that point . Did I lose the baby ? Where did I put her ? " Craig ! " I was still trying to get him awake enough to enter the real world . " Check the cradle at the end of the bed . " And there Hadley was , still sweetly sleeping through all of the chaos . Craig picked up Hadley , happy to know that he had not actually lost her , and handed her to me . " Go to sleep , Babe , " I told him , " I will handle the burping and everything this time . " I took Hadley and watched my adorably exhausted husband crawl back into bed . Then I thought back to all the " sleep now " advice I had been so tempted to roll my eyes at before . Wow , I thought , They were right , after all . I finally get it . Posted in Parenthood and tagged baby , funny , infant , new experiences , new parents , newborn , parenthood , sleep deprivation , tired . Bookmark the permalink . On Becoming a Parent So here we are , almost two months since my last post . Motherhood is clearly getting all of my time and energy right now . I don 't know how all those professional blogging moms do it . But in any case , I know that I need to get back at it because I tend to use this blog as a journal ( slash recipe book ) , and I know that I need to get my thoughts and stories of parenthood out before I forget them . And I have some funny stories . But I will try to spread them out over a few posts … I don 't want to spoil the surprise too soon or make this post drag on . For now , this is what I have : I wish I could find the words to describe what Craig and I felt when Hadley was born . Unfortunately , there are no words that I know that could possibly describe something so miraculous . If I ever come up with the words , I will let you know . But I know that I am not alone when I say that when , after all the anticipation , you finally get to see this baby that you have been waiting for , the love that comes over you is unbelievable . And you look at this little baby and think There is just no way something so perfect could be an accident or a coincidence or anything else . Only God could create something - someone - so amazing . I also remember thinking that it was so crazy how this sweet little 7lb 2oz baby was the size of a sesame seed when Craig and I found out about her . I mean , think about how incredible that is for a moment . It emphasizes in my mind that life definitely begins at conception , because that tiny little " sesame seed " was actually beautiful baby . Hadley is nine days old in this picture . We had our newborn pictures done by Tickled Blue Photography . Please visit the website and check out the other awesome photos Jodi has taken of babies and families . She is seriously so talented and wonderful to work with . You definitely need to consider Tickled Blue if you live in the Charleston area ! Becoming parents has been the most rewarding challenge Craig and I have ever faced . The highs and lows of emotions are changing constantly with the adjustment . Sleep deprivation can get pretty insane , and I doubt our condo will ever be really clean again ( not that a spotless condo was a common occurrence before ) . There have definitely already been moments where I think I can 't handle this . But then , you look down at your precious baby , your gift from God , and the frustration and doubt and anxiety all go away , because , " Look at this perfect little baby . I couldn 't be happier . " And the first real smile … wow … it 's like God timed it for when he knows that parents are hitting their limit of the most overwhelmed they have ever felt , and all of a sudden your baby says , " I love you so much , and I think you are the best parents in the world . " So , yeah , parenthood is crazy . It can be crazy exciting and crazy overwhelming . It can be crazy frustrating and crazy amazing . And Craig and I have only been at it for less than two months ! I know there is so much more to learn and experience as a parent , and I truly can 't wait ! Posted in Parenthood and tagged baby , baby girl , birth , daughter , labor , marriage , motherhood , new experiences , new parents , parenthood , pregnancy . Bookmark the permalink . Thoughts as We Wait on Hadley This is it … we have made it to the end . I will be officially 40 weeks pregnant as of tomorrow . I can 't believe it ! I am SO beyond eager to meet sweet Hadley , I just wish she could be born NOW . I keep reminding myself that she will come when she is ready , but I don 't know that it 's really keeping me from driving myself insane . What a waiting game this is ! My mind keeps flashing back to the quiet Saturday morning , when I took a pregnancy test while Craig was taking Jada outside because I figured I was just going to be disappointed by the negative result and didn 't see the point in getting Craig 's hopes up for no reason . I was obviously wrong , and in an instant , everything changed . It is funny how a little blue line can have so much power over your future . We have spent nine months since that January morning preparing for our baby 's arrival , although I highly doubt anyone can every truly be prepared for parenthood . I remember some people telling Craig and I that we shouldn 't get married right when I graduated college … that we should wait a few years . We were told that we were too young , and that it was a bad idea to try to balance a marriage while Craig was in medical school . And now , here we are , getting ready to not just " balance a marriage , " but to start a family when Craig still has almost two years left in medical school . But the truth is , there will never be a perfect time to get married or to start a family . If we had decided to wait for the perfect time , we would be waiting forever . Yeah , medical school takes up a ton of time , and it 's not always easy on us . But you know what ? Residency takes up more time than medical school . And fellowships take up more time than residency . Some wonderful friends back in Georgia hosted a baby shower for me when Craig and I were visiting . I was 27 weeks pregnant . I seriously couldn 't have imagined a more beautiful , perfect shower . We also had some maternity photos taken by an awesome photographer down here in Charleston ( HannahLane Photography ) ! Hannah was such a pleasure to work with , and she did an awesome job . These are just a few of my favorites . I LOVE Hadley 's Nursery ! My parents did such an incredible job . I love the soothing colors mixed with different patterns and textures . This is fit for a princess ! Love the chandelier above the rocker , the monogram above the bed , and the awesome shelves above the dresser . Have I mentioned how incredibly talented my parents are ? ! Now if only some of that talent could get passed down to me … Posted in Uncategorized and tagged baby girl nursery , Charleston , growing belly , marriage , maternity , med school , medical school , new experiences , nursery , photography , pregnancy , quality time . Bookmark the permalink . Lemon - Zucchini Loaf with a Lemon Glaze As August comes to a close , I can 't help but be over - the - top excited that my favorite season is just around the corner ! Cooler weather , beautiful leaves , anticipation for the upcoming holidays , football season , and autumn baking ! Plus , this autumn will be extra special because it will include the long - awaited birth of our sweet baby girl ! In fact , I love autumn so much that I sometimes make the mistake of wishing away the rest of the year . I realized I was doing that again last week when I spent a shameful amount of time looking up autumn recipes , holiday decorations , and pictures of pretty leaves . Probably not the best life choice considering we have a baby due in less than a month , and her cradle is currently acting as a laundry basket for the clean clothes I " haven 't had time " to fold . So , instead of deciding to make better use of my time by cleaning , I decided to " make better use of my time " by baking something that adequately celebrated summer before the season 's end . I found this lemon - zucchini loaf recipe a few months ago , and I meant to make it on three different occasions . Something always came up , though . Well , I decided that I would not be ok with myself going into fall and baking apple this and pumpkin that without having given this a try first . So this recipe gets to be my end - of - summer - baking - hurrah loaf . The lemon glaze on top especially gives this a " fresh " spring and / or summer feel . I still have some zucchini left , so I am already planning to make it again this weekend when my family comes in town for Labor Day and to celebrate my dad 's 50th birthday … along with the peach pie and chocolate cake my dad is requesting for the celebration . In a large bowl , beat two eggs well , then add canola oil and sugar , and blend well . Then blend in the buttermilk , lemon juice , and lemon zest . Add in the grated zucchini and stir until it is evenly distributed . Add in the dry ingredients and blend everything just until everything is mixed well , but do not over - blend . Removed from oven , and allow loaf to cool in the pan for a few minutes before moving it to a wire rack to finish cooling . While bread is cooling , mix 1 cup powdered sugar with 2 Tbsp lemon juice . Spoon the glaze over the loaf , and you are done ! 🙂 Posted in Bread , Desserts , Recipes and tagged bread , cake , dairy free , dessert , glaze , lemon , loaf , non - dairy , recipe , recipes , summer , summertime , zucchini . Bookmark the permalink . Cinnamon Swirl Banana Bread Bananas are one of those things that I feel like you can never have too many recipes for . Not because the average person is banana - obsessed and is constantly baking and creating with bananas , but because I believe the average person is probably slack like us and makes the mistake of accidentally letting bananas get overripe and go to waste way more often than he or she should . I love banana pudding and banana cream pie . I am also a fan of mixing mashed bananas , peanut butter , and cocoa powder together to freeze and have as a treat later . Recently , however , I have been exploring the world of banana breads . There are so many different options that when my exploration began , I really had no clue where to start . Ultimately , the decision for my first loaf of banana bread was made for me , as many baking decisions are , based on what we had in our pantry . Plus , banana bread is always delicious , but why not add some cinnamon swirl and a tasty glaze ? 🙂 I adapted this recipe from Sally 's Baking Addiction , with some changes based on my personal baking preferences . Enjoy ! Mix together flour , baking soda , salt , and 1 tsp ground cinnamon . Set aside . In a separate large bowl , use a stand or hand mixer to beat the brown sugar and butter . Add the eggs , one at a time , beating well after each . Using a spoon or spatula , stir in the mashed bananas , yogurt / buttermilk , and vanilla extract . Then slowly mix in the dry ingredients with the mix , but be sure to not over mix . Pour half the batter into a greased 9x5in loaf pan ( will need to adjust cooking time if using a different size ) . Mix the cinnamon swirl ingredients together and then pour over the batter in the loaf pan . Top with the remaining batter . While the bread is cooling , mix the glaze ingredients together in a small bowl . Add more powdered sugar to reach your desired thickness . Finally , drizzle the glaze over the bread before enjoying . Posted in Bread , Recipes and tagged baking , baking substitutes , banana bread , bread , breakfast , cinnamon , dairy free , dessert , non - dairy , recipe , recipes . Bookmark the permalink . ← Older Posts
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While I am sure there are a ton of amazing things to do with zucchini , my favorite is baking bread . Last year , I made a lemon - zucchini loaf with a lemon glaze that I really liked , but I wanted to try something new this year for a summer zucchini loaf . I found a similar recipe on All Recipes when I was trying to come up with some sort of " summery " bread to bake for our friends who had been kind enough to take Jada out one day in June while Craig was at work and Hadley and I were visiting family in Ohio . Nothing says " thank you " like blueberries and zucchini ! Anyway , I made some adjustments based on reviews and my personal preferences , and the final result was awesome ! I hope our friends liked this as much as Craig and I did . I even made it for my parents and brothers when Hadley and I were visiting them in July , and they ate a whole loaf in one night . Especially because I posted my carrot cake that I made for Easter after the 4th of July this year ( you can blame it on being a mom who also tries to work from home ) , I thought I would try posting this one while it was still at least somewhat relevant . Since Labor Day Weekend ( aka the unofficial end of summer ) is this coming weekend , I felt like I should offer this recipe now , as a " last hurrah " of summer baking . Let 's be honest , everyone is ready for this miserably hot and humid summer ( it was 99 degrees with a heat index of 110 this past Friday ) to end and the fall weather , decorations , and baking to begin , but this is still . so . good . In a large bowl , beat together the eggs , oil , vanilla , and sugars . Fold in the zucchini . In a separate bowl , mix the flour , salt , baking powder , baking soda , cinnamon , and nutmeg . Mix the dry ingredients to the zucchini mixture . Gently fold in the blueberries . Transfer to prepared loaf pans . Posted in Bread , Breakfast , Desserts and tagged baking , blueberry , bread , breakfast , dairy free , dessert , non - dairy , recipe , recipes , sweet , zucchini . Bookmark the permalink . Carrot Cake With Cream Cheese Frosting Obviously , I have not kept up with my blog since Hadley has come along . I really enjoy it , but with Craig doing his med school rotations and trying to get everything together for his residency applications , he is staying quite busy . Of course Craig is amazing and spends just about every moment he can with us , but med school is still med school . I am still trying to work from home while I take care of Hadley , so that obviously does not leave a lot of spare time for blogging , hence my hiatus . However , with the deliciousness of this cake , I have decided to force the time it takes to post this recipe . It was that good . Who knows , maybe I will get inspired from this post and start keeping up with this again . Craig and I love having family and friends visit , and we have been truly blessed by many visits between living in Charleston and having the sweetest baby in the world . Still , we decided we wanted Easter this year to be just us . I was so excited for the family fun we would be having , until Hadley came down with a terrible cold that Friday , and the poor girl felt pretty cruddy all weekend . Our weekend ended up being a Castle dvd marathon while we cleaned the condo and traded off holding our sweet , sick girl . A bit of a bummer . Despite this all , that Sunday was going to be Resurrection Sunday and Hadley 's first Easter ; we were going to celebrate . So , with my lowered revamped expectations of how our weekend would be , I was still determined of two things : 1 . We would get a family picture . 2 . I would make an Easter dinner and dessert . I really don 't remember what all was included in dinner ( besides the ham that I made for the very first time ) , because the whole weekend was such a chaotic blur . BUT , I do remember the dessert very well . Yum , yum ! I have always loved carrot cake , especially the cream cheese frosting , but I had put off making one since Craig and I got married , because I wasn 't sure how a dairy free cake would compare to the real thing , plus Craig didn 't remember what he thought of carrot cake when he is a kid . There are few thing more frustrating in the realm of dairy free cooking / baking that taking the time to make something dairy free from scratch only to find out at the end that Craig would have really preferred a from - the - box pan of brownies . But this was our first Easter Sunday with Hadley , and even though she obviously wouldn 't be having the carrot cake , something about it being her first Easter made me feel extra domestic and Southern Living - esque ( same reason I made a ham that weekend for the very first time ) . I am so glad I took the risk on this . Craig loved the cake and the variety it added to his dairy free dessert options . I was surprised at how easy it was to make dairy free . And most of all , I was totally surprised at how non - dairy free it tasted , which is always the true sign of success in my world of dairy free cooking and baking . In a large bowl , beat together eggs , oil , pineapple , brown and white sugar , and vanilla extract . Separately , combine flour , baking soda , baking powder , salt , cinnamon , and nutmeg . Add dry ingredient mixture to wet ingredient mixture . Stir in carrots . Fold in chopped pecans . Pour into prepared pans . Bake in preheated oven 35 - 40 minutes , or until toothpick inserted into center comes out clean . Let cool in pans for ten minutes , and then transfer to wire rack to cool completely . In a medium bowl , combine butter , cream cheese , confectioners ' sugar , and vanilla extract . Stir in chopped pecans . Stack the two cake layers with a coat of frosting in between , and then finish frosting the cake completely . Posted in Desserts , Recipes , Seasonal Food and tagged cake , carrot cake , cream cheese frosting , dairy free , dessert , Easter , holidays , non - dairy , recipe , recipes . Bookmark the permalink . A Baby , A Cellphone , And Sleep Deprived Parents By the end of my pregnancy , I was tired of a lot of things . I mean , honestly , I had a relatively easy pregnancy , but I am sure women with easier and more difficult pregnancies than mine can all agree that they were just over everything by the end . I was ready to not be lugging an extra 30lbs around . I was sick of being nauseated ( though my nausea was only occasional at the end of my pregnancy ) . I was tired of misjudging how enormous my belly actually was and therefore bumping into things when I would try to squeeze through a space I was apparently too big for . I was over the fact that I needed to pee about every fifteen minutes . The list could go on . But most of all , I was tired of people telling me to " get sleep now , because I would never get to sleep again . " That was the advice I got over and over and over . I mean , really ? It 's not like I was some 3 - year - old who thought that I didn 't need naps . I love my sleep , and Craig LOVES his sleep , and we were already sleeping when we could . Did people honestly think I was going to get more sleep because they told us that , or were they just trying to be funny ? But time and time again , I would hear this advice from men and women who already had kids … they would tell us with something in between a smile and a smirk on their face , like they knew something we didn 't . They were in the " parent club , " and Craig and I had yet to be initiated , and it drove me crazy . Well here we are now , with a three - month - old , and I am pretty certain Craig and I have been initiated . I don 't know exactly when our initiation took place . Was it the first time we got spit up on ? Was it when we hit the hundred diaper threshold ? Was it when I had to take Hadley to get her first set of vaccines ? Or was it this morning , midway through January , when I dressed Hadley in " My First Christmas " clothes , because that 's what was clean in her drawer ? I don 't know . But I will tell you this , the night of October 7 is the night when I finally understood what all those parents had been talking about before . Craig and I had been very sleep deprived up to that point , but until October 5 , my parents had been in town to help us . Now , we were all on our own , and the sleep deprivation really kicked into high gear … So newborn babies have to eat all the time . I mean ALL . THE . TIME . At first , we were having to feed Hadley every two hours , and that is from the beginning of a feed to the beginning of the next feed , not two hours in between . While Hadley had a good latch , we were still getting the hang of breastfeeding , and she was constantly trying to stick her hand in her mouth instead of eating , so it was a bit of a struggle . From beginning to end , with burping and everything , feeding Hadley could take over an hour . We would finally finish , and then we 'd have to start again 45 or 50 minutes later . This was around the clock , so you can imagine we were quite tired . Craig was trooper . Since I had to feed Hadley , he would set his alarm , get up to get Hadley , and bring her to me . Then he would lay down while I fed her on one side . When I was done with the first side , I would lay down while Craig burped Hadley in between , then he would give her back to me for the other side before he burped her once more and laid her back down . We had what we thought was a flawless system . In the middle of that night , early in October , I laid in bed as I listened to Craig 's cellphone alarm going off , knowing that it meant I had to get up in a moment to feed Hadley yet again . So I waited . And I listened to his alarm . And waited . And listened to is alarm . And waited . What was going on ? The alarm had been going off for a couple minutes , and Craig hadn 't even hit the Snooze button . Now I was starting to get annoyed because I was the one awake during his " shift , " and Craig was clearly sleeping through the alarm . I opened my eyes and rolled over to wake Craig up , and my jaw dropped . I could not believe what I was seeing . There my sweet husband was , doing the jiggle walk that new parents quickly learn and old parents never forget , sweetly Shhhhhh - ing in the ear … . of his cellphone . In case you don 't have the picture in your head … imagine a man holding a baby and gently bouncing the baby as they walk , with his mouth right next to the baby 's ear to give the baby a soothing " Shhhhh , it 's ok , Daddy 's here . " That was Craig , except with his ringing cellphone . He thought his cellphone was a crying baby . I couldn 't believe my eyes at first . " Craig ! " I said in that stern whisper - yell thing that people do sometimes . He looked over at me . " I need to nurse the baby , " I told him . With that , Craig handed his phone to me , the alarm still ringing loudly , so that I could nurse it . My jaw dropped lower . I turned off the cellphone alarm . " Craig ! Where is the baby ? ! " Craig jumped . I could see the panic in his eyes as he looked around on the floor . His mind was easy to read at that point . Did I lose the baby ? Where did I put her ? " Craig ! " I was still trying to get him awake enough to enter the real world . " Check the cradle at the end of the bed . " And there Hadley was , still sweetly sleeping through all of the chaos . Craig picked up Hadley , happy to know that he had not actually lost her , and handed her to me . " Go to sleep , Babe , " I told him , " I will handle the burping and everything this time . " I took Hadley and watched my adorably exhausted husband crawl back into bed . Then I thought back to all the " sleep now " advice I had been so tempted to roll my eyes at before . Wow , I thought , They were right , after all . I finally get it . Posted in Parenthood and tagged baby , funny , infant , new experiences , new parents , newborn , parenthood , sleep deprivation , tired . Bookmark the permalink . On Becoming a Parent So here we are , almost two months since my last post . Motherhood is clearly getting all of my time and energy right now . I don 't know how all those professional blogging moms do it . But in any case , I know that I need to get back at it because I tend to use this blog as a journal ( slash recipe book ) , and I know that I need to get my thoughts and stories of parenthood out before I forget them . And I have some funny stories . But I will try to spread them out over a few posts … I don 't want to spoil the surprise too soon or make this post drag on . For now , this is what I have : I wish I could find the words to describe what Craig and I felt when Hadley was born . Unfortunately , there are no words that I know that could possibly describe something so miraculous . If I ever come up with the words , I will let you know . But I know that I am not alone when I say that when , after all the anticipation , you finally get to see this baby that you have been waiting for , the love that comes over you is unbelievable . And you look at this little baby and think There is just no way something so perfect could be an accident or a coincidence or anything else . Only God could create something - someone - so amazing . I also remember thinking that it was so crazy how this sweet little 7lb 2oz baby was the size of a sesame seed when Craig and I found out about her . I mean , think about how incredible that is for a moment . It emphasizes in my mind that life definitely begins at conception , because that tiny little " sesame seed " was actually beautiful baby . Hadley is nine days old in this picture . We had our newborn pictures done by Tickled Blue Photography . Please visit the website and check out the other awesome photos Jodi has taken of babies and families . She is seriously so talented and wonderful to work with . You definitely need to consider Tickled Blue if you live in the Charleston area ! Becoming parents has been the most rewarding challenge Craig and I have ever faced . The highs and lows of emotions are changing constantly with the adjustment . Sleep deprivation can get pretty insane , and I doubt our condo will ever be really clean again ( not that a spotless condo was a common occurrence before ) . There have definitely already been moments where I think I can 't handle this . But then , you look down at your precious baby , your gift from God , and the frustration and doubt and anxiety all go away , because , " Look at this perfect little baby . I couldn 't be happier . " And the first real smile … wow … it 's like God timed it for when he knows that parents are hitting their limit of the most overwhelmed they have ever felt , and all of a sudden your baby says , " I love you so much , and I think you are the best parents in the world . " So , yeah , parenthood is crazy . It can be crazy exciting and crazy overwhelming . It can be crazy frustrating and crazy amazing . And Craig and I have only been at it for less than two months ! I know there is so much more to learn and experience as a parent , and I truly can 't wait ! Posted in Parenthood and tagged baby , baby girl , birth , daughter , labor , marriage , motherhood , new experiences , new parents , parenthood , pregnancy . Bookmark the permalink . Thoughts as We Wait on Hadley This is it … we have made it to the end . I will be officially 40 weeks pregnant as of tomorrow . I can 't believe it ! I am SO beyond eager to meet sweet Hadley , I just wish she could be born NOW . I keep reminding myself that she will come when she is ready , but I don 't know that it 's really keeping me from driving myself insane . What a waiting game this is ! My mind keeps flashing back to the quiet Saturday morning , when I took a pregnancy test while Craig was taking Jada outside because I figured I was just going to be disappointed by the negative result and didn 't see the point in getting Craig 's hopes up for no reason . I was obviously wrong , and in an instant , everything changed . It is funny how a little blue line can have so much power over your future . We have spent nine months since that January morning preparing for our baby 's arrival , although I highly doubt anyone can every truly be prepared for parenthood . I remember some people telling Craig and I that we shouldn 't get married right when I graduated college … that we should wait a few years . We were told that we were too young , and that it was a bad idea to try to balance a marriage while Craig was in medical school . And now , here we are , getting ready to not just " balance a marriage , " but to start a family when Craig still has almost two years left in medical school . But the truth is , there will never be a perfect time to get married or to start a family . If we had decided to wait for the perfect time , we would be waiting forever . Yeah , medical school takes up a ton of time , and it 's not always easy on us . But you know what ? Residency takes up more time than medical school . And fellowships take up more time than residency . Some wonderful friends back in Georgia hosted a baby shower for me when Craig and I were visiting . I was 27 weeks pregnant . I seriously couldn 't have imagined a more beautiful , perfect shower . We also had some maternity photos taken by an awesome photographer down here in Charleston ( HannahLane Photography ) ! Hannah was such a pleasure to work with , and she did an awesome job . These are just a few of my favorites . I LOVE Hadley 's Nursery ! My parents did such an incredible job . I love the soothing colors mixed with different patterns and textures . This is fit for a princess ! Love the chandelier above the rocker , the monogram above the bed , and the awesome shelves above the dresser . Have I mentioned how incredibly talented my parents are ? ! Now if only some of that talent could get passed down to me … Posted in Uncategorized and tagged baby girl nursery , Charleston , growing belly , marriage , maternity , med school , medical school , new experiences , nursery , photography , pregnancy , quality time . Bookmark the permalink . Lemon - Zucchini Loaf with a Lemon Glaze As August comes to a close , I can 't help but be over - the - top excited that my favorite season is just around the corner ! Cooler weather , beautiful leaves , anticipation for the upcoming holidays , football season , and autumn baking ! Plus , this autumn will be extra special because it will include the long - awaited birth of our sweet baby girl ! In fact , I love autumn so much that I sometimes make the mistake of wishing away the rest of the year . I realized I was doing that again last week when I spent a shameful amount of time looking up autumn recipes , holiday decorations , and pictures of pretty leaves . Probably not the best life choice considering we have a baby due in less than a month , and her cradle is currently acting as a laundry basket for the clean clothes I " haven 't had time " to fold . So , instead of deciding to make better use of my time by cleaning , I decided to " make better use of my time " by baking something that adequately celebrated summer before the season 's end . I found this lemon - zucchini loaf recipe a few months ago , and I meant to make it on three different occasions . Something always came up , though . Well , I decided that I would not be ok with myself going into fall and baking apple this and pumpkin that without having given this a try first . So this recipe gets to be my end - of - summer - baking - hurrah loaf . The lemon glaze on top especially gives this a " fresh " spring and / or summer feel . I still have some zucchini left , so I am already planning to make it again this weekend when my family comes in town for Labor Day and to celebrate my dad 's 50th birthday … along with the peach pie and chocolate cake my dad is requesting for the celebration . In a large bowl , beat two eggs well , then add canola oil and sugar , and blend well . Then blend in the buttermilk , lemon juice , and lemon zest . Add in the grated zucchini and stir until it is evenly distributed . Add in the dry ingredients and blend everything just until everything is mixed well , but do not over - blend . Removed from oven , and allow loaf to cool in the pan for a few minutes before moving it to a wire rack to finish cooling . While bread is cooling , mix 1 cup powdered sugar with 2 Tbsp lemon juice . Spoon the glaze over the loaf , and you are done ! 🙂 Posted in Bread , Desserts , Recipes and tagged bread , cake , dairy free , dessert , glaze , lemon , loaf , non - dairy , recipe , recipes , summer , summertime , zucchini . Bookmark the permalink . Cinnamon Swirl Banana Bread Bananas are one of those things that I feel like you can never have too many recipes for . Not because the average person is banana - obsessed and is constantly baking and creating with bananas , but because I believe the average person is probably slack like us and makes the mistake of accidentally letting bananas get overripe and go to waste way more often than he or she should . I love banana pudding and banana cream pie . I am also a fan of mixing mashed bananas , peanut butter , and cocoa powder together to freeze and have as a treat later . Recently , however , I have been exploring the world of banana breads . There are so many different options that when my exploration began , I really had no clue where to start . Ultimately , the decision for my first loaf of banana bread was made for me , as many baking decisions are , based on what we had in our pantry . Plus , banana bread is always delicious , but why not add some cinnamon swirl and a tasty glaze ? 🙂 I adapted this recipe from Sally 's Baking Addiction , with some changes based on my personal baking preferences . Enjoy ! Mix together flour , baking soda , salt , and 1 tsp ground cinnamon . Set aside . In a separate large bowl , use a stand or hand mixer to beat the brown sugar and butter . Add the eggs , one at a time , beating well after each . Using a spoon or spatula , stir in the mashed bananas , yogurt / buttermilk , and vanilla extract . Then slowly mix in the dry ingredients with the mix , but be sure to not over mix . Pour half the batter into a greased 9x5in loaf pan ( will need to adjust cooking time if using a different size ) . Mix the cinnamon swirl ingredients together and then pour over the batter in the loaf pan . Top with the remaining batter . While the bread is cooling , mix the glaze ingredients together in a small bowl . Add more powdered sugar to reach your desired thickness . Finally , drizzle the glaze over the bread before enjoying . Posted in Bread , Recipes and tagged baking , baking substitutes , banana bread , bread , breakfast , cinnamon , dairy free , dessert , non - dairy , recipe , recipes . Bookmark the permalink . ← Older Posts
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While I am sure there are a ton of amazing things to do with zucchini , my favorite is baking bread . Last year , I made a lemon - zucchini loaf with a lemon glaze that I really liked , but I wanted to try something new this year for a summer zucchini loaf . I found a similar recipe on All Recipes when I was trying to come up with some sort of " summery " bread to bake for our friends who had been kind enough to take Jada out one day in June while Craig was at work and Hadley and I were visiting family in Ohio . Nothing says " thank you " like blueberries and zucchini ! Anyway , I made some adjustments based on reviews and my personal preferences , and the final result was awesome ! I hope our friends liked this as much as Craig and I did . I even made it for my parents and brothers when Hadley and I were visiting them in July , and they ate a whole loaf in one night . Especially because I posted my carrot cake that I made for Easter after the 4th of July this year ( you can blame it on being a mom who also tries to work from home ) , I thought I would try posting this one while it was still at least somewhat relevant . Since Labor Day Weekend ( aka the unofficial end of summer ) is this coming weekend , I felt like I should offer this recipe now , as a " last hurrah " of summer baking . Let 's be honest , everyone is ready for this miserably hot and humid summer ( it was 99 degrees with a heat index of 110 this past Friday ) to end and the fall weather , decorations , and baking to begin , but this is still . so . good . In a large bowl , beat together the eggs , oil , vanilla , and sugars . Fold in the zucchini . In a separate bowl , mix the flour , salt , baking powder , baking soda , cinnamon , and nutmeg . Mix the dry ingredients to the zucchini mixture . Gently fold in the blueberries . Transfer to prepared loaf pans . Posted in Bread , Breakfast , Desserts and tagged baking , blueberry , bread , breakfast , dairy free , dessert , non - dairy , recipe , recipes , sweet , zucchini . Bookmark the permalink . Carrot Cake With Cream Cheese Frosting Obviously , I have not kept up with my blog since Hadley has come along . I really enjoy it , but with Craig doing his med school rotations and trying to get everything together for his residency applications , he is staying quite busy . Of course Craig is amazing and spends just about every moment he can with us , but med school is still med school . I am still trying to work from home while I take care of Hadley , so that obviously does not leave a lot of spare time for blogging , hence my hiatus . However , with the deliciousness of this cake , I have decided to force the time it takes to post this recipe . It was that good . Who knows , maybe I will get inspired from this post and start keeping up with this again . Craig and I love having family and friends visit , and we have been truly blessed by many visits between living in Charleston and having the sweetest baby in the world . Still , we decided we wanted Easter this year to be just us . I was so excited for the family fun we would be having , until Hadley came down with a terrible cold that Friday , and the poor girl felt pretty cruddy all weekend . Our weekend ended up being a Castle dvd marathon while we cleaned the condo and traded off holding our sweet , sick girl . A bit of a bummer . Despite this all , that Sunday was going to be Resurrection Sunday and Hadley 's first Easter ; we were going to celebrate . So , with my lowered revamped expectations of how our weekend would be , I was still determined of two things : 1 . We would get a family picture . 2 . I would make an Easter dinner and dessert . I really don 't remember what all was included in dinner ( besides the ham that I made for the very first time ) , because the whole weekend was such a chaotic blur . BUT , I do remember the dessert very well . Yum , yum ! I have always loved carrot cake , especially the cream cheese frosting , but I had put off making one since Craig and I got married , because I wasn 't sure how a dairy free cake would compare to the real thing , plus Craig didn 't remember what he thought of carrot cake when he is a kid . There are few thing more frustrating in the realm of dairy free cooking / baking that taking the time to make something dairy free from scratch only to find out at the end that Craig would have really preferred a from - the - box pan of brownies . But this was our first Easter Sunday with Hadley , and even though she obviously wouldn 't be having the carrot cake , something about it being her first Easter made me feel extra domestic and Southern Living - esque ( same reason I made a ham that weekend for the very first time ) . I am so glad I took the risk on this . Craig loved the cake and the variety it added to his dairy free dessert options . I was surprised at how easy it was to make dairy free . And most of all , I was totally surprised at how non - dairy free it tasted , which is always the true sign of success in my world of dairy free cooking and baking . In a large bowl , beat together eggs , oil , pineapple , brown and white sugar , and vanilla extract . Separately , combine flour , baking soda , baking powder , salt , cinnamon , and nutmeg . Add dry ingredient mixture to wet ingredient mixture . Stir in carrots . Fold in chopped pecans . Pour into prepared pans . Bake in preheated oven 35 - 40 minutes , or until toothpick inserted into center comes out clean . Let cool in pans for ten minutes , and then transfer to wire rack to cool completely . In a medium bowl , combine butter , cream cheese , confectioners ' sugar , and vanilla extract . Stir in chopped pecans . Stack the two cake layers with a coat of frosting in between , and then finish frosting the cake completely . Posted in Desserts , Recipes , Seasonal Food and tagged cake , carrot cake , cream cheese frosting , dairy free , dessert , Easter , holidays , non - dairy , recipe , recipes . Bookmark the permalink . A Baby , A Cellphone , And Sleep Deprived Parents By the end of my pregnancy , I was tired of a lot of things . I mean , honestly , I had a relatively easy pregnancy , but I am sure women with easier and more difficult pregnancies than mine can all agree that they were just over everything by the end . I was ready to not be lugging an extra 30lbs around . I was sick of being nauseated ( though my nausea was only occasional at the end of my pregnancy ) . I was tired of misjudging how enormous my belly actually was and therefore bumping into things when I would try to squeeze through a space I was apparently too big for . I was over the fact that I needed to pee about every fifteen minutes . The list could go on . But most of all , I was tired of people telling me to " get sleep now , because I would never get to sleep again . " That was the advice I got over and over and over . I mean , really ? It 's not like I was some 3 - year - old who thought that I didn 't need naps . I love my sleep , and Craig LOVES his sleep , and we were already sleeping when we could . Did people honestly think I was going to get more sleep because they told us that , or were they just trying to be funny ? But time and time again , I would hear this advice from men and women who already had kids … they would tell us with something in between a smile and a smirk on their face , like they knew something we didn 't . They were in the " parent club , " and Craig and I had yet to be initiated , and it drove me crazy . Well here we are now , with a three - month - old , and I am pretty certain Craig and I have been initiated . I don 't know exactly when our initiation took place . Was it the first time we got spit up on ? Was it when we hit the hundred diaper threshold ? Was it when I had to take Hadley to get her first set of vaccines ? Or was it this morning , midway through January , when I dressed Hadley in " My First Christmas " clothes , because that 's what was clean in her drawer ? I don 't know . But I will tell you this , the night of October 7 is the night when I finally understood what all those parents had been talking about before . Craig and I had been very sleep deprived up to that point , but until October 5 , my parents had been in town to help us . Now , we were all on our own , and the sleep deprivation really kicked into high gear … So newborn babies have to eat all the time . I mean ALL . THE . TIME . At first , we were having to feed Hadley every two hours , and that is from the beginning of a feed to the beginning of the next feed , not two hours in between . While Hadley had a good latch , we were still getting the hang of breastfeeding , and she was constantly trying to stick her hand in her mouth instead of eating , so it was a bit of a struggle . From beginning to end , with burping and everything , feeding Hadley could take over an hour . We would finally finish , and then we 'd have to start again 45 or 50 minutes later . This was around the clock , so you can imagine we were quite tired . Craig was trooper . Since I had to feed Hadley , he would set his alarm , get up to get Hadley , and bring her to me . Then he would lay down while I fed her on one side . When I was done with the first side , I would lay down while Craig burped Hadley in between , then he would give her back to me for the other side before he burped her once more and laid her back down . We had what we thought was a flawless system . In the middle of that night , early in October , I laid in bed as I listened to Craig 's cellphone alarm going off , knowing that it meant I had to get up in a moment to feed Hadley yet again . So I waited . And I listened to his alarm . And waited . And listened to is alarm . And waited . What was going on ? The alarm had been going off for a couple minutes , and Craig hadn 't even hit the Snooze button . Now I was starting to get annoyed because I was the one awake during his " shift , " and Craig was clearly sleeping through the alarm . I opened my eyes and rolled over to wake Craig up , and my jaw dropped . I could not believe what I was seeing . There my sweet husband was , doing the jiggle walk that new parents quickly learn and old parents never forget , sweetly Shhhhhh - ing in the ear … . of his cellphone . In case you don 't have the picture in your head … imagine a man holding a baby and gently bouncing the baby as they walk , with his mouth right next to the baby 's ear to give the baby a soothing " Shhhhh , it 's ok , Daddy 's here . " That was Craig , except with his ringing cellphone . He thought his cellphone was a crying baby . I couldn 't believe my eyes at first . " Craig ! " I said in that stern whisper - yell thing that people do sometimes . He looked over at me . " I need to nurse the baby , " I told him . With that , Craig handed his phone to me , the alarm still ringing loudly , so that I could nurse it . My jaw dropped lower . I turned off the cellphone alarm . " Craig ! Where is the baby ? ! " Craig jumped . I could see the panic in his eyes as he looked around on the floor . His mind was easy to read at that point . Did I lose the baby ? Where did I put her ? " Craig ! " I was still trying to get him awake enough to enter the real world . " Check the cradle at the end of the bed . " And there Hadley was , still sweetly sleeping through all of the chaos . Craig picked up Hadley , happy to know that he had not actually lost her , and handed her to me . " Go to sleep , Babe , " I told him , " I will handle the burping and everything this time . " I took Hadley and watched my adorably exhausted husband crawl back into bed . Then I thought back to all the " sleep now " advice I had been so tempted to roll my eyes at before . Wow , I thought , They were right , after all . I finally get it . Posted in Parenthood and tagged baby , funny , infant , new experiences , new parents , newborn , parenthood , sleep deprivation , tired . Bookmark the permalink . On Becoming a Parent So here we are , almost two months since my last post . Motherhood is clearly getting all of my time and energy right now . I don 't know how all those professional blogging moms do it . But in any case , I know that I need to get back at it because I tend to use this blog as a journal ( slash recipe book ) , and I know that I need to get my thoughts and stories of parenthood out before I forget them . And I have some funny stories . But I will try to spread them out over a few posts … I don 't want to spoil the surprise too soon or make this post drag on . For now , this is what I have : I wish I could find the words to describe what Craig and I felt when Hadley was born . Unfortunately , there are no words that I know that could possibly describe something so miraculous . If I ever come up with the words , I will let you know . But I know that I am not alone when I say that when , after all the anticipation , you finally get to see this baby that you have been waiting for , the love that comes over you is unbelievable . And you look at this little baby and think There is just no way something so perfect could be an accident or a coincidence or anything else . Only God could create something - someone - so amazing . I also remember thinking that it was so crazy how this sweet little 7lb 2oz baby was the size of a sesame seed when Craig and I found out about her . I mean , think about how incredible that is for a moment . It emphasizes in my mind that life definitely begins at conception , because that tiny little " sesame seed " was actually beautiful baby . Hadley is nine days old in this picture . We had our newborn pictures done by Tickled Blue Photography . Please visit the website and check out the other awesome photos Jodi has taken of babies and families . She is seriously so talented and wonderful to work with . You definitely need to consider Tickled Blue if you live in the Charleston area ! Becoming parents has been the most rewarding challenge Craig and I have ever faced . The highs and lows of emotions are changing constantly with the adjustment . Sleep deprivation can get pretty insane , and I doubt our condo will ever be really clean again ( not that a spotless condo was a common occurrence before ) . There have definitely already been moments where I think I can 't handle this . But then , you look down at your precious baby , your gift from God , and the frustration and doubt and anxiety all go away , because , " Look at this perfect little baby . I couldn 't be happier . " And the first real smile … wow … it 's like God timed it for when he knows that parents are hitting their limit of the most overwhelmed they have ever felt , and all of a sudden your baby says , " I love you so much , and I think you are the best parents in the world . " So , yeah , parenthood is crazy . It can be crazy exciting and crazy overwhelming . It can be crazy frustrating and crazy amazing . And Craig and I have only been at it for less than two months ! I know there is so much more to learn and experience as a parent , and I truly can 't wait ! Posted in Parenthood and tagged baby , baby girl , birth , daughter , labor , marriage , motherhood , new experiences , new parents , parenthood , pregnancy . Bookmark the permalink . Thoughts as We Wait on Hadley This is it … we have made it to the end . I will be officially 40 weeks pregnant as of tomorrow . I can 't believe it ! I am SO beyond eager to meet sweet Hadley , I just wish she could be born NOW . I keep reminding myself that she will come when she is ready , but I don 't know that it 's really keeping me from driving myself insane . What a waiting game this is ! My mind keeps flashing back to the quiet Saturday morning , when I took a pregnancy test while Craig was taking Jada outside because I figured I was just going to be disappointed by the negative result and didn 't see the point in getting Craig 's hopes up for no reason . I was obviously wrong , and in an instant , everything changed . It is funny how a little blue line can have so much power over your future . We have spent nine months since that January morning preparing for our baby 's arrival , although I highly doubt anyone can every truly be prepared for parenthood . I remember some people telling Craig and I that we shouldn 't get married right when I graduated college … that we should wait a few years . We were told that we were too young , and that it was a bad idea to try to balance a marriage while Craig was in medical school . And now , here we are , getting ready to not just " balance a marriage , " but to start a family when Craig still has almost two years left in medical school . But the truth is , there will never be a perfect time to get married or to start a family . If we had decided to wait for the perfect time , we would be waiting forever . Yeah , medical school takes up a ton of time , and it 's not always easy on us . But you know what ? Residency takes up more time than medical school . And fellowships take up more time than residency . Some wonderful friends back in Georgia hosted a baby shower for me when Craig and I were visiting . I was 27 weeks pregnant . I seriously couldn 't have imagined a more beautiful , perfect shower . We also had some maternity photos taken by an awesome photographer down here in Charleston ( HannahLane Photography ) ! Hannah was such a pleasure to work with , and she did an awesome job . These are just a few of my favorites . I LOVE Hadley 's Nursery ! My parents did such an incredible job . I love the soothing colors mixed with different patterns and textures . This is fit for a princess ! Love the chandelier above the rocker , the monogram above the bed , and the awesome shelves above the dresser . Have I mentioned how incredibly talented my parents are ? ! Now if only some of that talent could get passed down to me … Posted in Uncategorized and tagged baby girl nursery , Charleston , growing belly , marriage , maternity , med school , medical school , new experiences , nursery , photography , pregnancy , quality time . Bookmark the permalink . Lemon - Zucchini Loaf with a Lemon Glaze As August comes to a close , I can 't help but be over - the - top excited that my favorite season is just around the corner ! Cooler weather , beautiful leaves , anticipation for the upcoming holidays , football season , and autumn baking ! Plus , this autumn will be extra special because it will include the long - awaited birth of our sweet baby girl ! In fact , I love autumn so much that I sometimes make the mistake of wishing away the rest of the year . I realized I was doing that again last week when I spent a shameful amount of time looking up autumn recipes , holiday decorations , and pictures of pretty leaves . Probably not the best life choice considering we have a baby due in less than a month , and her cradle is currently acting as a laundry basket for the clean clothes I " haven 't had time " to fold . So , instead of deciding to make better use of my time by cleaning , I decided to " make better use of my time " by baking something that adequately celebrated summer before the season 's end . I found this lemon - zucchini loaf recipe a few months ago , and I meant to make it on three different occasions . Something always came up , though . Well , I decided that I would not be ok with myself going into fall and baking apple this and pumpkin that without having given this a try first . So this recipe gets to be my end - of - summer - baking - hurrah loaf . The lemon glaze on top especially gives this a " fresh " spring and / or summer feel . I still have some zucchini left , so I am already planning to make it again this weekend when my family comes in town for Labor Day and to celebrate my dad 's 50th birthday … along with the peach pie and chocolate cake my dad is requesting for the celebration . In a large bowl , beat two eggs well , then add canola oil and sugar , and blend well . Then blend in the buttermilk , lemon juice , and lemon zest . Add in the grated zucchini and stir until it is evenly distributed . Add in the dry ingredients and blend everything just until everything is mixed well , but do not over - blend . Removed from oven , and allow loaf to cool in the pan for a few minutes before moving it to a wire rack to finish cooling . While bread is cooling , mix 1 cup powdered sugar with 2 Tbsp lemon juice . Spoon the glaze over the loaf , and you are done ! 🙂 Posted in Bread , Desserts , Recipes and tagged bread , cake , dairy free , dessert , glaze , lemon , loaf , non - dairy , recipe , recipes , summer , summertime , zucchini . Bookmark the permalink . Cinnamon Swirl Banana Bread Bananas are one of those things that I feel like you can never have too many recipes for . Not because the average person is banana - obsessed and is constantly baking and creating with bananas , but because I believe the average person is probably slack like us and makes the mistake of accidentally letting bananas get overripe and go to waste way more often than he or she should . I love banana pudding and banana cream pie . I am also a fan of mixing mashed bananas , peanut butter , and cocoa powder together to freeze and have as a treat later . Recently , however , I have been exploring the world of banana breads . There are so many different options that when my exploration began , I really had no clue where to start . Ultimately , the decision for my first loaf of banana bread was made for me , as many baking decisions are , based on what we had in our pantry . Plus , banana bread is always delicious , but why not add some cinnamon swirl and a tasty glaze ? 🙂 I adapted this recipe from Sally 's Baking Addiction , with some changes based on my personal baking preferences . Enjoy ! Mix together flour , baking soda , salt , and 1 tsp ground cinnamon . Set aside . In a separate large bowl , use a stand or hand mixer to beat the brown sugar and butter . Add the eggs , one at a time , beating well after each . Using a spoon or spatula , stir in the mashed bananas , yogurt / buttermilk , and vanilla extract . Then slowly mix in the dry ingredients with the mix , but be sure to not over mix . Pour half the batter into a greased 9x5in loaf pan ( will need to adjust cooking time if using a different size ) . Mix the cinnamon swirl ingredients together and then pour over the batter in the loaf pan . Top with the remaining batter . While the bread is cooling , mix the glaze ingredients together in a small bowl . Add more powdered sugar to reach your desired thickness . Finally , drizzle the glaze over the bread before enjoying . Posted in Bread , Recipes and tagged baking , baking substitutes , banana bread , bread , breakfast , cinnamon , dairy free , dessert , non - dairy , recipe , recipes . Bookmark the permalink . ← Older Posts
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When I first changed my status on the kinky Facebook social networking site from " in a relationship with … " to " single , " I knew that in my next relationship I would seek an authentic Dom with a lot of experience . Sir M made sure that everyone was aware that I am single and under his protection , though he does not own me . I don 't wear a collar when we go to dungeon parties and he introduces me to any Dom I am interested in . As it turns out , most of the male hetero " top Doms " are in polyamorous situations , meaning they already have multiple female submissives ( or slaves ) . The females are often bisexual and have relationships with each other as well . So if I wanted to be with one of the more experienced Doms in the scene I would have to join their poly family - as number three or four . Not surprisingly , I declined . Being number three or lower down the rungs in a poly relationship sounds like a raw deal to me ! My impression of poly up to this point was taken from watching Big Love , an HBO series about a polygamous Mormon family . They aren 't kinky or sex - positive but I 'm sure there are many parallels in the daily life issues that arise . The women have a schedule of who sleeps with the man each night , and they negotiate and trade if necessary . In the show , the man resorted to taking Viagra for a while in order to satisfy all the women when the stresses of his business overshadowed his home life . " Poly is a lifestyle recognizing the possibility of full time , long - term , loving , committed relationships where all people involved have full knowledge and consent , " she told me . " In the kink world , people may have more than one partner and may or may not define themselves as poly . " The Minx explained that poly is a way of keeping it fresh and exciting , but it may not be a viable option for all couples . " Being together forever isn 't necessarily the goal , " she said . " But the happiness of you and your partner should be the long - term goal . " With this definition of poly , I realized that I 'm in a " quasi - poly " situation . I have a Dom who isn 't my primary - he already has a primary relationship . I 'm dating a few other Doms who are my play partners , and perhaps eventually one will become my primary Dom . I also hook up with my former ( non - BDSM ) lover J . I am a girl who needs a lot of sex and erotic play so being able to play with several men ( and possibly women ) works well for me . I am transparent with everyone and clear about my intentions . Fortunately , the men I 'm involved with are turned on by the idea of me being with other men so this is a positive . I asked if poly people get jealous , and how they get around that natural human emotion . " Jealously and feeling neglected happens in monogamous relationships too , " the Mix explained . " It 's all in how you decide to cope with insecurity and jealousy . " She reasoned that a wife might also be jealous of a husband working late , bowling with his buddies . " You have to identify your own emotions and own up to them in a safe space - that 's a skill for both partners , " she told me . After speaking with Minx for an hour I wondered why anyone would want to be monogamous . There is a high acceptance of polyamory in other types of alternative communities . I 've spent some time in an alternative music , art and lifestyle collective that includes a lot of " burners " ( i . e . , people who consider Burning Man a lifestyle ) . One of my close ( vanilla ) friends in this community is in a poly relationship as the number two . The guy is 20 years her junior and not someone she 'd consider a serious love relationship with , yet they have a loving friendship - with benefits - all with the approval of his primary girlfriend . He has an " emotional contract " with his girlfriend where they stated boundaries and parameters and this has helped guide them through expanding definitions of their triad relationship . " To me it is all about openness and honesty , " he said . That 's a great argument for the polyamory lifestyle , if one is up to the task . There are a lot of practical issues to tackle , such as having enough time for all the partners , who pays the mortgage , what happens when you have a child with one partner , who is the primary , etc . But after seeing or hearing of many positive examples of polyamorous relationships I 'm on board and pro - poly ! Days later my body was still humming from an amazing , beautiful and profound experience I had the honor of sharing . As these things usually go , it was of the moment , totally unexpected . I was suspended in time , blissed out and unaware of anything in the world … except the cock in my mouth . Somehow , one rainy afternoon we were cooped up inside with another plan entirely . I smoked some pot , got more comfortable , and soon was spilling all kinds of sexual confessions . I completely opened up to him about my sexual history - which has been quite extensive . We found we shared some common ground , including hyper - sexual appetites and the desire to explore new realms . Soon he 'd thrown a pillow down on the floor and instructed me to kneel on it so I could be treated to the pleasure of sucking his cock . I 'd been rather cock - deprived and teased with sexual stimuli for some time so I threw my all into the task and enjoyed every second of it . His cock was still flaccid when I grabbed it with my left hand . I kissed the head to honor it , tasting a big drop of his pre - cum . The first lick kick - started my raging libido into high gear and soon I was like a wild animal . Sucking , licking , kissing it , rubbing it all over my lips and face and hair ; rolling it on my breasts . With my face smashed against his soft groin , I took it deeply and hungrily . I already know this about myself . I love cock . Truly love it . I could never be a lesbian because I 'd miss it so . I 'd miss the feeling of the smooth tip of the head touching the back of my throat , I 'd miss the smell of it , the taste of it , the changes in mood and personality of each cock I encounter . I can 't imagine life without cock . I love the energy it transmits and the inspiration I draw from it . I love the effect I can have on it and the way I can control a man through sucking on his cock . On this day , however , he was in the driver 's seat . He exercised extreme self - control to make it difficult for me to get his cock hard . He didn 't want to give it up to me easily . I had to work hard for my " gift " of a nice thick , solid cock . I focused all my thoughts and energy into the organ in my hand , ready for the challenge ahead . Sometimes he 'd grab me by my hair and face - fuck me forcefully - but not so violently that it would incapacitate my jaw . Smart strategy , because I couldn 't have sucked him for four hours as I did if he 'd forced me too hard . In this instance , being face - fucked was an intense turn - on for me and each time I 'd feel my juices flowing and pussy getting really wet . I kept hoping he 'd notice how wet I was . My nipples cried for attention as I was increasingly aroused . They craved his lips and his tongue and my pussy craved him even more . But he intentionally withheld his lips and cock from my genitals like an expert tease . And that turned me on further . So I 'd suck his cock even more fervently and work myself into a frenzy . This escalated as we fed off each other 's sex energy . Sometimes I find the sexual tension of being denied sex can be just as titillating as the actual act . It forces that intense sexual electricity to course through my body with no release , so it increases and grows exponentially stronger . Eventually the sexual current raging through me is so tangible that it radiates out through every pore in my body . It is incredibly powerful , feels like I 'm on fire , and fuels me on to greater heights . And in this case , to greater cock - sucking . He 'd get really hard and I 'd get even more turned on . I had many periods of going deeply into a blissful trance state , where everything else in the universe melted away but the cock . It feels like a nearly religious experience to be in that state . I become a passenger in an incredible journey and the cock guides me to new heights . It 's a beautiful thing for me and for the receiver . I 'm not sure how long or how many times I stayed in this state but I do know from later being told that I was oblivious to everything else going on . I was somewhat aware of his finger working its magic inside me , coaxing orgasm after orgasm out of me by massaging my G - spot in just the right way . And of course that inspired me to suck his cock even more passionately . I like to carry on with cock worship for many hours and eventually my worship transcends the cock and expands to include worship of the entire body , sometimes extending to the mind and spirit . I find that the cock is a portal for the sensual body and the sexual energy , an entry point for the profound energy exchange . After all , as I suck and worship , I am responding to the way he reacts to me , the way he grabs my hair and breast for leverage and forces his cock down my throat , the way he is always fully in control , and the way this makes me happily submit to him . After several hours of this he prodded me to ejaculate . I gushed so much liquid , it made a wet spot on the bed three feet in diameter . This excited him and hardened his cock again . He pushed further and got me to cum , squirting what seemed like buckets of ejaculate , over and over and over . I amazed myself - didn 't even know I was capable of this . He 'd give me short breaks and then bark " down bitch ! " until I got his cock deep into my mouth again . He enjoyed shoving it all the way to the back of my throat to see if I 'd gag and break out into goose bumps . That also gets the really thick saliva flowing , and it 's a wonderful lubricant for his cock . Each time he hit the back of my throat , my pussy would clench around his finger . His cock was thick and fleshy and filled up my mouth perfectly . And I continued to have orgasms that spread out through my body and beyond with concentric rings of warmth . After many frenzied hours of this sex play , he decided it was time for him to cum . Although my eyes were shut I was aware of a beautiful white light of energy beaming from his groin into my mouth and down into my heart . My heart sent that white light of energy back into him . Everything glowed and I felt transported beyond the physical to a place of beautiful calm . He clamped my head in both hands and went in deep , ejaculating straight back in my throat . I was so connected to his orgasm that I shuddered and screamed , writhing with a full - body orgasm . Time expanded and this continued as he pumped more cum into my throat and I responded accordingly . He tasted delicious . I kept his cock inside my mouth , I didn 't want to let it go and neither did he . I was profoundly grateful to have received his essence and wanted to prolong the experience for as long as possible . And so we went on , unrelenting . It would have been easy to just keep up this frenzy for a few days , abandoning all responsibilities and shutting off phones . But we eventually had to tear ourselves apart . Before I discovered my enthusiasm for BDSM and embarked on my journey as a submissive , I dated and mated as most vanilla people do : dated guys I met through friends , fucked guys I met at bars , married a guy I was set up with by a coworker . Each scenario differed depending on my goals at that moment . After the divorce , my goals drastically changed - I was no longer looking for a husband or life partner , but just wanted to have fun and make up for all the sex that my marriage lacked . This was also the beginning of my sexual awakening . As that ended I was urged by a friend to sign up for an online dating site for " alternative " people . I wrote an upbeat profile that demonstrated my quirkiness and my smarts . I wasn 't an easy fit by any means - most men were intimidated by my accomplishments , worldliness and hyper - sexuality . That relationship ran its course and although he and I didn 't work out , he did a great deed in introducing me to BDSM . I also realized that I wasn 't going to be happy any longer in a vanilla relationship . I needed a Dom - lover - boyfriend to call my own . Someone who would lovingly torture me , care for me and curl up with me at night . Being the new girl on the site I got a flurry of messages at first . Some were short , crude messages from Doms with intimidating screen names like BrutalDaddy4U , MasterSadist , BigFatDick and FetchTheWhip . I 'd check their profiles to learn more , and discard most of them . " I don 't like being told what to do … the man is supposed to call the woman . And you messaged me first ! You want too much control . " The message got nastier from there . Indeed , perhaps I do " bottom from the top " but in the vanilla dating world that was just fine . What 's a sub to do - just sit back and wait for the Dom of her dreams to swoop her up on a white horse and whisk her off to his medieval dungeon to be his slave ? At first I was eager to meet Doms in person to see if there might be any chemistry . Strike while the iron 's hot ! I agreed to meet one the same day we spoke because he offered to come out to a convenient location . He sent a professional headshot of himself , smolderingly handsome and dark haired . He whispered sexy things on the phone and sounded semi - promising . But in person , he was much mousier than I 'd imagined and his creepy whispers made my skin crawl , sounding instead like sleazy uninspired dialogue from bad soft porn movies . I was quickly turned off but stayed to be polite . After 40 minutes or so he said , " I 'm sensing from your body language ( arms folded ) and conversation that you are really closed . " He changed the subject but still only wanted to harp on his fantasies . We were definitely not connecting on that level . We did have a good talk about BBQs and Japanese food , though . He called me on my way home and I dodged his next call in the morning . Ugh ! I wrote a polite note and explained that I didn 't feel we were a match but I wished him the best of luck . He wrote back , without a hint of irony , " Wow ! What a surprise ! I didn 't see that coming . " The next Dom I met was a great conversationalist on the phone at first , since we work in similar professions , but quickly he just wanted to talk about his particular kink . That was to have his submissive fuck a lot of other guys to demonstrate her submission to him . Hmmm … He also talked about rape fantasies and I flatly said I had no interest . He messaged me at length every day after that with more questions about his fantasies : In person , he was much older than his photos and fatter than he portrayed himself on his profile . He leered at me and launched into more repeats of his gang bang fantasies . He was too gentle and indirect for my taste . I didn 't feel any natural dominant vibe from him and that 's really what I was seeking . Besides , our kinks were far too mismatched . After that I had a few more first dates in the spirit of being open minded , and they led nowhere . I finally became impatient and lost my initial zeal for finding a Dom - lover - boyfriend . I concluded that I needed to be less open - minded and not bother meeting with anyone who didn 't sound stellar . As of this writing I have slowed down and am taking my time with dating . Many of the Doms I speak with don 't know how to deal with me because I am training with and under the protection of a Dom ( Sir M ) and they 'd have to ask his permission to play with me . Most of these guys want to be the one and only boss of me . I 'm happy with my current situation training with Sir M and don 't want to end that any time soon . Our relationship is a bit unique because he doesn 't own me and that 's not an option - he is in a primary monogamous relationship and is not available for a romantic relationship with me . This was part of our initial negotiation so I knew this going in , and we both understand that I 'd still continue looking for a romantic interest in my life while training with him . Eventually I will move on . I 'm ultimately looking for a love soul mate - one who will gaze deeply into my eyes without fear , and to whom I will completely and fearlessly surrender . I 'm still in the beginning of this journey and find that what I 'm looking for in a man is changing drastically as I evolve . Dating is a way of trying on new men to see if there 's a fit . The message explained that I am to keep on my webcam on at all times when I 'm at home so he can see if I 'm there when he logs onto his computer . This way , he can easily drop in on me when he wants to . I 've never used my webcam for personal communications , only for business calls , so I set up a new account for his eyes only with great excitement . Had any other man told he he 'd be constantly monitoring me on webcam so he could peek into my private life , I 'd have been really angry . But with Sir M , it makes sense in the context of our Dom / sub relationship . The webcam gives him another way to dominate me that extends beyond our sessions together . It 's a subversive thrill to think of him dropping in on me and being ready for him any time . Sir M has earned the gift of my submission and so I gladly offer him access to my home life and my secrets . I can 't see him on webcam - he does not have one . I really don 't mind this one - way communication . Being submissive can mean being on unequal footing with him if he chooses . He uses the audio to speak with me and I stare at his frozen avatar on screen . We never actually speak on the phone so this is the best way for him to stay present . I use the webcam on my laptop because I can move it to different rooms with as I putter around my apartment . When I 'm cooking I set it on the dining room table and forget about it . He doesn 't care if I 'm in unglamorous sweats or in underwear ( or less ) so I feel perfectly comfortable with keeping the camera on . If I 'm not alone and don 't want him dropping in , I simply turn it off . Once I realized the power I can have using the webcam , it became even more compelling . I found I could excite and tease Sir M remotely by removing my clothing on camera nonchalantly during normal conversation . We can be chatting about my day and my shirt suddenly lifts up to reveal a breast as the camera pans down to the nipple . I can be talking to him on webcam and put the laptop down on the couch so the camera points between my legs , as I happen to be wearing a miniskirt with no panties . Instant Panty - cam ! Or I may be straightening up the house naked in anticipation of his " visit " via webcam . I just love the pause and surprise in his voice when he discovers my naughtiness and encourages more of it . Once I 'm topless I lick my index finger and roll it around my nipple to get his attention . I 'll pull on the hoop piercings in both nipples , making sure he can see . And when things progress he has me " entertain him " - meaning I must masturbate on camera for him . The laptop comes in really handy because I can bring it into the bedroom and really entertain him . I have gotten completely lost in these sessions playing with myself as he takes firm ( remote ) control - narrating and pushing me to do outrageous things . When he yells " Cum for me bitch ! " it 's as if he is with me in my bedroom . My hands work more furiously because I want to please him and cum hard for him . This also helps train me to be able to have forced orgasms to the sound of his voice . I 'm sure Sir M would love to watch me have sex with J via webcam but I know J wouldn 't like this idea . ( J is my on - and - off lover who has seen me through some wild times in my sexual evolution . ) I 'm an exhibitionist at heart and I 'd love to have a sex partner who would be into having Sir M watch us go at it . Lately I 've gotten more brazen with the webcam . I 've been leaving the webcam on when friends visit , but not always mentioning it to them . Sir M once dropped in on a visit from one of my close friends , who came over for dinner while I was speaking with him . I was vaguely aware of his monitoring , but it didn 't affect our evening at all . Our conversations sounded like a raunchy episode from Sex and the City - we talked about men , online dating , cock sucking , menopause , shoes , weekend plans and of course gossiped about friends . He listened curiously for a while until we moved the laptop to make room for dinner and the audio was drowned out by music . I imagined him at home in his office , leaning back in a big leather office chair , possibly smoking a cigar and watching this home - made reality show of my apartment . I like imagining him at home because in real life I 'm not allowed to look him in the eye and it 's hard to get a complete vision of him . In my imagination , at the other end of my webcam , I can look straight at him without any consequences . I imagine him with a smirking grin , pleased that I 've brought him another pretty girl to look at and more secrets to share . Even now as I write this on my laptop I know he may drop in and watch me and that 's exciting . Why exciting ? It 's funny to me that someone would even be interested in me enough to watch me at home doing nothing . It feels so wrong to willingly give up my privacy to anyone . Of course , being a pervert , I am naturally drawn to and turned on by things that we are told are wrong . In the future I 've promised him a naked blogging session on webcam featuring myself and another female blogger . After all my duty is to serve and please him and in doing so , I hope to provide lots of pretty girls for him to look at and meet on webcam . He 's so persuasive he can probably talk some of them into meeting his flogger . Sir M started our last session by pulling up my dress , taking out a paddle and whacking me harshly several times on my behind . I shrieked from the combo of pain and surprise . Usually he warms up with light spanks before such imparting hard blows but I was being punished . " This is your punishment for running out of the room last week without my permission . " I had recently lost my nerve after an intense impact play session and ran out of the room to demonstrate my anger . Sir M continued , " Now , is ' OUCH THIS HURTS ' a safe word ? " No . " Is ' THAT ' S TOO HARD ' a safe word ? " No . " Is ' STOP , YOU MOTHERFUCKER ' a safeword ? " No . " So what 's your safe word ? " Yellow . OK , the point was made and I won 't fuck up like that again . " I could have beaten the hell out of you that night but I chose not to , " Sir M said . I understood that this punishment was symbolic - - to show that I can 't get away with such behavior - and could have been much worse . After that , I was in good standing again with Sir M and he adjusted his beatings so they didn 't go beyond my pain threshold . As a result , he was able to immediately take me to a much deeper level . Each encounter with Sir M sends me into another realm of glorious release , but leaves me wildly desiring more of his pain and pleasure . I am addicted to his sweet torture . So I was more than a bit disappointed when he told me I 'd be off duty that Saturday night . I could have gone to the dungeon party without him but , as an uncollared female , I wouldn 't have his protection from being badgered by all the single Doms . Here was my opportunity to try something different . I 'd heard of Bar Sinister , a Hollywood club that combines a goth and fetish aesthetic with industrial and 80 's dance music . Sir M gave me permission to go . And who better to accompany me on this curious quest but Sex and the 405 Editrix - in - Chief , AV Flox . Going to the club was a perfect opportunity to wear my latex dress . I 'd worn it to a dungeon party a few weeks prior , and realized how impractical it was for such an event , since it takes a lot of effort to wiggle in and out of that dress . ( Practical dungeon wear must be easy to take off , since I 'm needed to strip naked and redress throughout the evenings . ) For my " subs ' night out " with AV , I put on my hooker heels , lined my mouth with the most intense red lipstick and headed to her hideaway . When I arrived we gawked at each other , both dressed in short black sleeveless dresses ( hers was microscopic ) and black heels with bare legs . Sweet ! We were headed to the " Fang Banger 's Ball " but neither of us could conjure up a goth or vampire look . AV shunned wearing her Twilight necklace . We were going more for the " whip me , please , and then fuck me " type of look . Bar Sinister is housed in a classic Hollywood building and has several different rooms but still feels intimate . The crowd provided some interesting people - watching , mainly youngish Goths with bad hairdos , clothes from Hot Topic and giant , chunky platform boots . Goth - zombie Go - Go dancers with wan complexions , smudgy raccoon eye makeup and shredded lingerie gyrated to synth pop in the main room . An adjacent room with a smoky fountain in the center had huddled masses of Goths smoking and dancing . After a quick orientation of the first floor we headed upstairs to the Playroom . There are a few play areas and more people sitting around the perimeter chatting and hoping to watch some light BDSM scenes . I was approached by one of the guys working there , and he asked if I 'd been before , wanted to play , etc . I told him that I have a Dom ( Sir M ) and can 't play with other Doms unless they request permission from him in advance . " Are you collared ? " he asked - the BDSM version of wearing a wedding ring . " No , " I answered . We watched as another Dom did a very quick session of spanking and lightly flogging a fully - clothed girl leaning up against a gothic - style cross . Coming from a hardcore dungeon scene , this seemed really tame to me . Last week I was watching young girls get bound and gagged with duct tape over the baby binkies in their mouths , tied to each other with rope and taunted with a very sharp knife by a particularly twisted sadist . The Dom at Bar Sinister was doing an artful job of two - handed flogging , twirling them like a dancer . AV looked on hungrily - the other Dom recognized this and offered to flog her . For the sake of journalism ( ! ) she accepted readily . Those of you who follow my tweets may have seen my exclamation of amazement when AV ripped her dress off , flung the tiny bit of fabric to me to hold onto , and stepped up to the flogging post . One of the Doms ran over with electrical tape to cover her nipples since nudity isn 't allowed there . That made for a nice visual - AV in a tiny black thong with black crosses on her nipples . He first spanked her with both hands , palms flexed back for more impact . I couldn 't see her face but she seemed to wilt and I imagined she was floating in space with this experience . He would alternate the spankings with intermissions of caresses , checking in with her and making sure she was responding properly . Spanking in that manner makes a nice muffled smacking sound , very different than the sharp thwack of a single - handed flat palm spanking . He pulled out a single flogger with soft synthetic strands making up the fall . At first he softly traced the silhouette of her back with the flogger to get her acquainted with it . He started twirling it , the ends barely kissing her back and buttocks . Then he moved in so he could strike with more impact . Every eye in the room was upon them , and some of the crowd in the back yelled at people in front to sit down and not block their view . The session wasn 't long but was evidently effective . He finished up and carefully led her down from the flogging post . She fell to her knees with legs spread in the appropriate submissive position . He grabbed a bottle of water and tipped her head back . Her lips spread open as he carefully poured water down her throat . Hydration is important after these scenes . She looked blissful , like a grateful pet that 's finally been fed its meal . Afterward she redressed and we munched heart - shaped cookies . She tweeted and I whisked her back home . This encounter was a tease but it satisfied her cravings , at least temporarily . Overall it was a highly successful subs ' night out ! Sir M likes to play dangerously . He has run fire torches along my body , held perilously sharp blades at my neck and intentionally made me lose consciousness momentarily through asphyxiation . In the BDSM world this is called edgeplay , a category of activities with potentially high risk . You might wonder why I 'd allow this . I know that Sir M is highly experienced and super - knowledgeable in these practices , so I place my trust in him and surrender . I let him play in ways I never imagined possible a few months ago . As my trust deepens , he is able to escalate the potential danger level in his play . The first time he pulled a knife on me , I freaked out , sobbing miserably and shaking . I don 't remember ever feeling fear that tangibly . I tried to keep completely still as he grazed my face and chest with a terrifyingly sharp medieval - looking knife with double blades and a carved fleur - de - lis handle . I doubted my ability to stay still , and was sure I might have a spontaneous spasm and lose muscle control , causing him to cut off my breast . In every other way I 'd played with Sir M , I had faith that he was in control . But knife play offered a freak chance that I could screw up . It screwed with my mind and left me petrified . He continued to acclimate me to knives by showing me another deadly - looking dagger . My stomach twisted into knots and I doubled over , anxiety - ridden . He put the knife away . The next time he asked about knives again , and before I saw any knife , just the thought of a knife was enough to tie my stomach in knots again . After that Sir M backed off knife play for a while . For the next frightening thing to tackle , he introduced fire play . I told him I was afraid of fire and he smiled . " Good ! " I was stripped naked and chained up to the Saint Andrew 's Cross . He made sure I wasn 't wearing any cream or cologne containing alcohol , as that would make my skin more flammable . " I 'm not sure about your pussy hair , " he said , of my trimmed landing strip . " It may burn , and that smells bad . We 'll have to get rid of that in the future . " Sir M dipped a small torch in alcohol and set it aflame , then quickly drew lines of fire across my breasts , down my stomach and along my thighs . It was scary and beautiful to see my skin blazing . The fire on my skin was sometimes hot but didn 't burn me or hurt me ; it just caused some confusion in my brain from the illusion of danger . " I 'm making a river of fire all the way down your stomach , " Sir M beamed as he narrated his moves . " See these little rivulets ? They 're beautiful ! " The thin dramatic trails of flames licked my breasts , abdomen and legs . They gave me warmth and were amazing to witness , and that somehow made me feel more secure . I also could see his thrill in painting with fire , with my body being the canvas . That got me over my fear of fire play . The following week he decided to set a bonfire on my belly , swearing it wouldn 't burn me at all . I 'd seen a photo of this and it looks like an amazing primitive ritual . I was nervous and terrified but I agreed to it because I knew it would please him . It was not an act of bravery on my part but an act of submission . Sir M pulled out of his bag a material used by magicians , highly flammable cotton that has to be handled precisely or the user can burn himself . He created a long winding trail for the fire around my chest and abdomen , spiraling from the outer edges to the center like an extended candlewick . The preparation took a while but the bonfire lasts only for moments . He lit one end with a lighter and a shriek peeled out of me from my innermost depths . The whole thing burned rapidly and brilliantly . The fire did not burn directly on my skin but it was a total mind fuck - the brain sees the body on fire and an incredible burst of adrenaline jolts the body into another realm . And then it 's over , and the after - effect is stunning . A huge sense of relief combines with the panicked realization of what just happened , plus the intoxicating sensations of playing on the edge . The experience was definitely a break though for me in tackling fears head on . The following week Sir M introduced knife play again at our private session . He pulled out a small but seriously sharp and menacing pocketknife and ran the dull edge along my skin to get me comfortable with it . With the tip he poked my breasts , my abdomen , and other vulnerable spots hard enough to alarm me . Adrenaline began pumping thru me . He took the sharp blade and held it against my neck threateningly . I knew that if I moved forward he could slice open my carotid artery and I 'd bleed to death in 60 seconds . I concentrated on staying still and did intentional yogic breathing . That calmed me down although all of my nerve endings were on full alert . Then a transformation happened for me . Rather than panicking I settled into a calm trance - like state and became more attuned to what he was doing . Sir M carefully ran the blade and point across my skin to carve scratches into me , but not deep enough to draw blood . He made a sunray design on my breasts radiating from my nipples . He put some scratches over my side ribs , my back . And all the while I felt like I was hurtling thru the solar system weightlessly , liberated from my body but aware of it at the same time . I was exhilarated for hours afterwards . Sir M 's experiments with edge play force me to confront my fears and inhibitions in ways I haven 't had to before . And I 've become more fearless in my daily life as a result . So I will try extra hot chilies with my dinner ! One recent late night at the dungeon party I 'd been flogged pretty hard . The blows started pleasurably as delicious thuds , reminding me with each stroke who I am in service to . But as Sir M got more enthusiastic , his lashes increased in intensity so my pain level reached a treacherously biting sting . Photo by Smudgerphoto for submissivemolly . comI 'm not able to absorb that much pain and I screamed and cursed and sobbed , hoping he 'd stop . I yelled at Sir M to not hit me so hard but he ridiculed me and went harder . Something in me snapped . It put me over the edge - and in an unhappy place . Afterward , as I recovered , I tried to compose myself but just couldn 't . I finally decided that I 'd had enough , so I defiantly bolted out of the room without requesting permission from Sir M . I knew this act was tantamount to going on strike . If I stuck around with Sir M after this I might be punished severely but at that moment I was demonstrating that I was fed up and DONE with this training . I darted into the restroom , bolted the door and sat down to gather my thoughts . What kind of submissive am I ? What are my goals with this training ? I 'm not a masochist . I don 't think I 'll ever enjoy pain that 's at my threshold of tolerance so why try to go there all the time ? What am I doing here ? ! I quit ! Sir M is renown as a particularly cruel sadist and he hits hard . He 's used to playing with partners who can handle much more pain than I can . But he 's also a benevolent and reasonable Dom and takes a paternal approach for the " after - care " that follows such a torture session . When I returned to the room Sir M sensed that my attitude had shifted . I was upset and freaked out and seriously considering reverting back to my old vanilla lifestyle . He hugged me and stroked my hair and helped calm me down so I could describe my conflicted feelings . " Your pleas of ' STOP ! ' or ' NO ! ' or ' TOO MUCH ' mean nothing in this context , nor does crying , " he explained . " Anyway , crying can be cathartic - you feel really good afterward . " That is true , although crying in public feels to me even more humiliating than public nudity . Sir M pointed out that I hadn 't followed the protocols he gave me - I 'd never used the safe word " yellow " when the pain got to be unreasonable . I realized that in my attempts to submit to him and please him , I was letting him go too hard on me because I didn 't want to disappoint him . I was building up anger and resentment that could have been avoided . I was relieved but Sir M could see I needed a little more TLC . He knew intrinsically how to fix me . He strolled over to the next room where another Dom was just packing up a scene and his submissive was cleaning all the toys he 'd used . I couldn 't hear their conversation , but soon they came over to me . " Position 6 ! " commanded Sir M . I lay on my back with knees pressed against my body almost under my armpits and my hands sandwiched inside my folded legs - the position for Pussy Inspection . The other submissive , a petite brunette dressed in a schoolgirl micro - mini skirt , knelt down in front of me and pushed up the bottom of my very short leather skirt . She delicately started flicking her tongue around my clit and the outer lips of my pussy . She stuck one , then two fingers inside me , then pulled them out abruptly . That left me wanting more and I begged her to put them back in . She sucked on my clit and pushed her bent fingers back into my wet pussy while both Doms looked on . Sir M called out to me in his commanding voice , " show us what a cum slut you are ! " The sound of his voice and this luxurious sex play lulled me back into proper submissive form and soon I was riding waves of bliss , smiling and panting . The girl got more enthusiastic when she saw how responsive I was , and she thrust three , then four fingers in and out of me with a twisting motion . A handful of people were now sitting in chairs watching - girl on girl action can always draw a crowd ! Her hand plunged into me again and quickly worked me up to a moaning , heated crescendo . As I was on the verge of cumming Sir M said " not yet ! " - reminding me that I 'm not allowed to cum until he gives permission . The girl slowed down but continued rubbing the Gspot area , then leaned forward to suck my left nipple . She tugged on the piercing a bit with her teeth so the jewelry would clank against her teeth , then she 'd roll her tongue around the nipple . She picked up the pace with the finger banging and I rolled my hips around , beaming a big smile . Sir M said " OK , cum for me bitch ! " and she picked up the pace . My non - stop moan grew louder and higher in pitch until I was shaking and writhing . I came hard and wet . She continued to play with that and coax more orgasms and juices out of me . At last I was dazed and exhilarated . I wobbled up and went home happy . The next day Sir M asked me to write down my impressions in a private journal that only he has access to . He checked in with me later via webcam to make sure I was OK with everything and said he would cut back on the amount of pain he is giving me . I told him , " I 'm glad I didn 't quit . " He responded , " you are responsible for bringing this to my attention at the time . Now I can choose to ignore it and keep going if I feel that 's what you need , but at least I have the information to make that decision . " This is the delicate balance of power and control that is part of the BDSM equation . Rope bondage is an area of BDSM that attracts many admirers with the beauty and creativity of the craft , combined with the image of seeing a submissive completely helpless . A good rope practitioner knows how to lay the rope in an artful way to accentuate the body and personality of the one being bound . Rope bondage for suspension requires great patience and skill so Sir M asked a rope aficionado called Sir P , to do this for him . I peeled off my dress and prepared to be bound Sir P is an elegant older gentleman with the air of a doctor or professor . He is renown for his extraordinary rope skills and his speed so I was flattered to have my first session with the best . Assisting him was his faithful slave , looking like a sexy librarian . She sat off to the side , poised to serve . I noticed that she was pure protocol - she deflected any attention from herself and if she needed to ask a question or leave , she formally asked his permission . She never spoke unless spoken to , and when she did , it was in a raspy whisper . Sir M gave me a direct order : " take off your clothes and your shoes . " I pouted for a moment because I thought the suspension could be accomplished clothed . Also , I 'd worn a latex mini - dress and it takes some time to take it off because the clingy rubber fabric is literally skin - tight . But I peeled off my dress and 6 - inch stilettos as Sir P set up . He arranged ten bundles of black ropes in slightly varying thicknesses and lengths on a bench . The first was wrapped around my hips . Sir P explained that this would hold the bulk of my weight , followed by wraps around my chest and legs . He was good about communicating what he was doing to me , each step of the way . Another rope was wrapped in a pattern around my chest and back so that my breasts popped out between the ropes . He then wrapped a whole network of different ropes around me to make a harness with a bold pattern . The ropes were all threaded through a hoop ring hanging inside a big wood frame . When he was satisfied he pulled the main ropes tight and hoisted up my feet so I was horizontal . He added support for my neck and then I was comfortably flying . I loved the feeling of weightlessness and of being a suspended object . I was aware that I was on display and several people had gathered to watch this " scene . " I couldn 't really see everyone but many complimented me on it afterward . Sir M was viewing from an armchair a short distance away and chatting with another dom . Although out of my line of vision , Sir M was still clearly in charge of me . Sir P checked on me frequently to make sure I was OK , feeling for cold extremities or numbness . Soon I 'd settled into the suspension and was mewing like a happy kitten . I felt secure tied up like that and not a shred embarrassed by my nudity . The ropes enveloped me and made me feel safe in spite of my vulnerable position . This confinement allowed me to surrender completely . It was a surreal , womb - like experience hanging in that dungeon room , with echoes of loud slaps and girls screaming off in the background . In one corner a large girl wearing pigtails was bent over a spanking bed while a man used all his might to whack her behind with the seat of a stool . I was thankful that Sir M left me there to just soak it in and enjoy the experience and didn 't torture me with spankings . That would happen later . Sir M had explained that some people can enter " sub - space " through suspensions - a trance - like state that 's very desirable in BDSM . I felt I gained a certain calm happiness that may have been the first step to subspace . But on this day , after 20 or 30 minutes the ropes started digging into me in an uncomfortable way and Sir P decided it was time to let me down . That took a while as well - he had to unwrap things in reverse order , taking care not to let any rope ends snap and hit me . I felt oddly intimate with Sir P , as if the ropes were an extension of his arms hugging me . Once back on the ground , Sir P explained that I 'd be very cold and should sit still for a while . He ordered his slave to wrap me in a Snuggie blanket ( black , of course ! ) and sat me on a chair . I bundled up and started quivering and sighing deeply and feeling orgasmic waves of pleasure spasmodically shooting through my body . Sir M came over to take care of me . He stood behind me and absorbed my energy spasms so he could feel my excitement and bliss too . Sir M hugged me and made me feel comfortable and safe to vocalize the swirl of emotions I was experiencing . I amused the two Sirs as I continued through periodic waves of ecstasy and amazement . " It 's the endorphins and adrenaline pumping through you , " explained Sir P . " Enjoy it ! " Sir M piped in , " Now you 're a rope slut . " It 's true , I can 't wait to be suspended again for a longer time . I crave the sensation of being immobilized by rope . It 's such a sensuous medium in the right hands . It makes me feel safe and cared for , and this frees me from the worries of daily life . The suspension by rope felt like a rite of passage , a path to awareness . A proper submissive needs to be trained and disciplined with more than just paddles and whips . My training by Sir M has focused on protocol for a submissive - - and his sweet torture is a bonus . I committed to meeting him each Saturday night at the dungeon party but he wanted more time with me so I agreed to meet him during the week . The question was where to meet , since his house is full and my apartment has paper - thin walls . On a recent weekday I drove out to a far - flung location following his precise directions . We rendezvoused in a Walgreen 's parking lot , and then I followed him over to our destination . Our session was in the small living room of a suburban apartment lent to him by a friend . It felt like we were trespassing on someone 's life - plastic bracelets were strewn on the coffee table , and a stuffed Hello Kitty doll perched on a tablecloth of fake lace . I stripped naked and he checked my aura - clean ! He put a cute , red spiked collar on me . " This is your play collar , " he explained . He didn 't have me wear a collar at the dungeon party because I 'm single , and unowned . The collar signifies ownership in public . The first day 's private training was teaching me to distinguish the various types of floggers and the different effects he can get with each one . He left the blindfold off for the first part of the session so I could see each one . As he introduced them one by one , they graduated from smooth soft calfskin to rough to menacing . Sir M lightly ran the strands of each along my face , my shoulder , my breasts , had me smell each and get familiar with it . He demonstrated the lightest touch , where the tails barely kiss my skin . Gradually he 'd increase the impact to a brushing , thwacking , thudding and stinging sensation depending on which flogger he used and how he used it . He flicked his wrist and delivered a sudden hard thud to my back with a black and silver leather flogger . I screamed loudly and snapped out of my fatigue . That worked better than a triple shot of espresso . He continued to flog my upper back , my thighs , around my ribs . The intensity worked up to a crescendo and then down again . Then he 'd switch to another flogger for more of the same pace . After the introduction to floggers , I was allowed to take off the blindfold and I make myself a cup of tea . He explained the six positions he likes submissives and slaves to use , and asked me to demonstrate each . The first is the classic surrender position but with a wider stance , appropriated from the military . Second is the same position , arms up behind head with fingers touching , but down on the knees with legs spread . I was blindfolded once again and he ordered me to get down on the floor and assume position six , for pussy inspection . He was pleased to find my pussy wet and hungry . " Mmm good ! Very healthy ! " Sir M 's expert fingers massaged my g - spot hard and coaxed me to squirt again and again . He cooed , " Good girl ! Good girl ! " He pulled his fingers out to the entrance of the vagina and lingered , swirled around my clit with my juices , then fingers plunged back inside for more . A warm wave of bliss spread over me . I felt invincible . After this inspection , I was ready for more pain . Sir M stepped in very close to me and I could smell his soap or cologne , mingled with the smell of pussy juice . That turned me on and my nipples popped erect again . He showed me another of his knives , from a fraternal BDSM society he belongs to . It was wickedly sharp , curved and archaic - looking . My gut clenched up and I quickly got a stomachache - - an adverse reaction to seeing the knife . He put the knives away and continued to use some of his floggers on me . The last looked like a cat - o ' - nine tails and I was really thankful that he didn 't use it . " Oh I could slice you open with that one . But I won 't , " he said reassuringly . That special glow Our training session lasted nearly four hours but the time passed quickly . I was high on the experience and the adrenaline . That euphoria lasted through the rest of the day . That night several people told me how great I looked and guessed that I must have done something special that day . The truth is , I 'm empowered by testing my own limits and taking that leap of bravery into unknown and terrifying places . And that makes my inner beauty shine . A few days later I was craving the thud of his floggers more than anything . So when I got his e - mail instructing me to meet at the same place on Monday for more training , I was thrilled . I went into the bedroom and played with my throbbing cunt for a while , then went to sleep with a smile . I knew that my lover , who I 'll call J , would be back in a few hours and crawl into bed with me . On a recent Saturday night I found myself blindfolded , nearly naked and chained up in the " play room " of a dungeon party . This was my first BDSM play session with Sir M and I was afraid , yet thrilled to be trained by such a highly experienced and respected Dominant . My adrenaline surged with the first smack on my behind . " I 'm going to introduce you to a lot of my different tools so you can learn the different sensations , " he whispered as he locked me in a wrestler 's hold from behind with his left arm and slipped on my blindfold . His right hand then teased my erect nipples . " I 'd like to string you up by these nipple rings but we 'll have to wait until they 're completely healed . What a shame ! " He tortured me with a series of implements - barehanded spankings , leather paddle spanking , three or four different floggers , a riding crop , and a lucite cane . With each one , he 'd tell me what is was , stroke it softly along my face and body to teach me the feeling and the smell . Some floggers felt smooth and heavy , others has more of a tooth to the fabric like suede , and one seemed to have more texture . Sir M took his time and let each blow be absorbed before giving me the next . It was delicious and painful . I screamed a lot and swore uncontrollably , trying to dodge when the blows got harder . " Don 't dance ! " he 'd yell if I squirmed around . He was careful to test my limits - this session was going to be the base for many more to come . Sir M paced our session so the pain intensity would warm up and swell and peak , then have cool down periods . There would be intermissions of pain and he 'd check in with me to make sure I was doing OK . He 'd check my chakras , caress me for a while , console me , then say " OK , slut , ready for more ? " A few times he cupped his hand around my throat just under the jaw for what seemed like several minutes . It felt strange and frightening , like I might be strangled , but I could still breathe just fine . " Sir , may I ask a question ? What are you doing ? " He chuckled . " You may ask that but I 'm not going to answer . I 'm checking something . " I noticed that Sir M always stayed attuned to my breathing , sometimes synchronizing his own breath . When he gave the most intense pain he 'd remind me to keep breathing deeply . At some point in the session I felt transformed . Lightheaded but clear . Exhilarated . Still feeling the pain acutely but able to spread it through my body with my breath and transcend it . I later realized we 'd spent two hours but the time had flown . When he was finished , Sir M had me wrap my arms around him and give him a bear hug . This helped ground me and prepare me for the outside world . He settled back down in the leather armchair and watched me get dressed , with his permission . He instructed me to clean off all the toys he used with alcohol and taught me to only clean the " fall " of the floggers , the part that touches the body . We joined the groups socializing outside the playrooms , gathered by the fire pit . A slave called Cinnamon with glowing eyes and flushed cheeks rushed through the crowd holding a snifter of cognac . It was balanced on the palms of her hands as if she were a human tray . I could see she was rushing over to serve her master and it wasn 't a good time to chit chat . I was pretty dazed . I stood there with Sir M 's heavy bag of whips and chains . Several people I 'd never seen before complimented me on our scene , on my tattoo . I realized we must have drawn a crowd with my loud cries and screams . And we got their seal of approval . I knew that once I stepped outside the club doors I 'd return to being my assertive , independent self . That fact makes my choice of submission even more meaningful . I can attain freedom through surrender ! Daisy TraLaLA ( @ DaisyTraLaLA ) is a saucy Angelino kinkster who glides with ease between the worlds of tech , art , cuisine , electronica and dungeon parties . She 's currently unowned and uncollared . The image used in this post is from Daisy TralaLA . Should people who benefit ( parents , siblings , children , roommates ! ) from the earnings of " commercial sex acts " ( any sexual conduct connected to the giving or receiving of something of value ) be charged with human trafficking ? Should someone who creates obscene material that is deemed " deviant " be charged as with human trafficking ? Should someone who profits from obscene materials be charged with human trafficking ? Should people transporting obscene materials be charged with human trafficking ? Should a person who engages in sex with someone claiming to be above the age of consent or furnishing a fake ID to this effect be charged with human trafficking ? What if I told you the sentences for that kind of conviction were eight , 14 or 20 years in prison , a fine not to exceed $ 500 , 000 , and life as a registered sex offender ? If you are a woman , you might be given a chance to prove yourself in this community . Since there is no standard definition of what a " geek " is and it will vary from one judge to the next anyway , chances of failing are high ( cake and grief counseling will be available after the conclusion of the test ! ) . If you somehow manage to succeed , you 'll be tested again and again by anyone who encounters you until you manage to establish yourself like , say , Felicia Day . But even then , you 'll be questioned . As a woman , your whole existence within the geek community will be nothing but a series of tests - if you 're lucky . If you aren 't lucky , you 'll be harassed and threatened and those within the culture will tacitly agree that you deserve it . Zak 's original field , it turns out , is economics , a far cry from the hearts and teddy bears we imagine when we consider his nickname . But after performing experiments on generosity , Zak stumbled on the importance of trust in interactions , which led him , rather inevitably , to research about oxytocin . Oxytocin , you might remember , is a hormone that has been linked previously to bonding - between mothers and children primarily , but also between partners . What Zak has done is take the research a step further , arguing in his recent book , The Moral Molecule , that oxytocin plays a role in determining whether we are good or evil . Let 's talk about the strippers . Whether they like to be half - naked or not , whether they enjoy turning you on or not , there 's one thing they all have in common : they 're working . Whether you think that taking one 's clothes off for money is a great choice of career is really beside the point ( is it a possibility for you to make $ 500 per hour at your job without a law degree ? Just asking ) . These women are providing fantasy , yes , but that is their job . And as a patron of the establishment where they work , you need to treat them like you would anyone else who provides a service to you .
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It should have been me . I should 've been the one to take that bullet . She wasn 't supposed to die . Why do these things happen to me ? To us ? Why ? It wasn 't supposed to end like this . We were just having a good time in the park . Everything was … normal . As it should have been . Just two best friends having fun as we shouted and hollered on the monkey bars , up and down the swings . And then just like that , my best friend was gone . Forever . I remember the moment right before she was shot . ' I wish things would stay just like this . Perfect , ' she told me . I agreed as I heard the gunshot and saw my best friend fall to the floor . We should have never moved to this country . If we had never met , she wouldn 't have been in the park that day . But God chose this . Funny how destiny works right ? But not so funny when a person who you loved dearly is now gone forever . I want to die too ; I can 't imagine a life without her . But for her , I will try . For both of us . " But Mom , I don 't want to move ! I have friends here ! " " Honey , you are old enough to understand . The war is becoming too dangerous . " " I won 't know anyone there … " " You will meet plenty of new people once we get there ! " " What if I don 't fit in ? " " Just be yourself . " " I don 't want to go . " " I don 't want you to die . " " I won 't , I promise . " " You 're right . You won 't die in a new country . " " I guess you 're right Mother . When will we go ? " " Soon , just be ready . This country is unpredictable . " WealthInvited AttacksI was 10 years oldThe " Islamic Revolution " ExecutionIn the name of freedomCapitalism " Cultural Revolution " My mother was really scaredArab InvasionJustice , Love & the Wrath of God ! MassacreOuch ! Forbade people to rescue 400 fire victimsGod , where are you ? Down with the king ! God chose the king ! PainDestinyI lived in povertyI felt ashamedThe king is a killer ! The king is a killer ! Tomorrow we are going to demonstrateWe shouted from morning till nightNew freedom . New freedom . Sometimes when we close our eyes , we see ourselves differently as opposed to when we have our eyes opened . Maybe we 're a small child , with big hopes and dreams , ones that reach farther than imagination takes us . When we then open our eyes and look in the mirror , we may see someone else . We close our eyes because we miss that child and we long to be them again . We still move on , happy to have actually been able to be that child once . I think part of coming of age , is taking who you were with who you are , to shape who you will someday be . When I think of coming of age , I think of two scenarios . When I was younger , I couldn 't see well . I didn 't know I needed glasses . It wasn 't that I couldn 't see at all , just things weren 't so in focus . This is the first scenario . The second scenario is now . I have glasses and I can see clearly . You start out in life , maybe more naïve , but as you get older , you begin to see the world for what it really is and start the journey to find who you are as well . For my multi genre project , my inspiration came from my life , and people in general . Some things I have actually dealt with or am still dealing with now , and others are fictional , but come from the real world . Stuff like this happens all the time and we should all be aware . Throughout this project , you will follow the story of 3 sisters and how their coming of age each differs , yet help each of them to be who they were meant to be . Maybe our life is measured by what we accomplish in it . Maybe it 's the changes we go through . From past to present , Rachel 's character goes through many changes . From trying to deal with a new life in a new country to wanting her Pop and trying to be a " teenager " . In the book , The Girl Who Fell From The Sky by Heidi W . Durrow , Rachel has to move in with her grandmother who is unfit to raise a child due to " contributions " she drinks daily . The book is a journey that leads you in a whirl wind of events . Flashbacks are intricately woven to fit in the story as they help clue you in on what happened that tragic day . What eventually brought Rachel to be where she is now . Moving to a different country after having lived elsewhere your whole life can be hard . One way her family coped with the new life was trying to forget by experiencing fun things . " Dear Mrs Warner , thank you for giving us the money to go to the amusement park . We are going next week . I can 't wait . Love , Rachel . ( 25 ) " Even though her family tried to deal with their current situation as best as possible , it was still upsetting to live in a new country with most of her family dead . At night , Rachel would cry and scream . She would have nightmares almost every night thinking back on how she could 've stopped her brother from dying . " ' Poor thing . It 's alright . Go ahead . Let it out . It 's hard to make sense of , ' she says . ' But you 're safe here . ' ( 31 ) " She felt regret from that day . The regret doesn 't stick with her the whole story though . It 's human to feel regret about many things . I myself , have a regret that made me be able to connect to Rachel 's chararter . She regretted the way she could 've prevented her brother 's death but didn 't , and I regret my past and how I wasn 't able to help out my best friend before her untimely death . The only family she really knew was her Pop . In the beginning , it is unclear of why her Pop isn 't with her . The only thing you know is that she longs for her father all the time . After losing your mother , younger brother and younger sister , I can understand why she would want her father so much . " I am waiting for Pop to come back - for Pop to come get me and take me home . . . ( 51 ) " After having moved to new country and then faced with a tragic event , all she wants to do is just go back home . Away from the country that her family lost their life in . As Rachel began to grow older , she began to adjust to her new life in the new country . Her yearn for her father became less spoken about and more subtle . She began to go through the stages that most teenagers go through . She began to talk back to her grandmother and began to " defy her power " in the grandmother 's words . She was always a very intelligent young lady . She also began to lie and have her intelligence make excuses for her . " Kissing John Bailey felt really good . . . When John Bailey touches me , I know this is the skin I want to be in . Sometimes when his mom works nights and he doesn 't have basketball practice , I go to his house after school . When I come home late , I tell grandma I was at the library . ( 150 ) " Her grandmother doesn 't believe her and Rachel knows this , but I think this is what most teenagers drive on . Trying to be their own person with power and not being stopped from doing what they want to do . I am really enjoying reading The Girl Who Fell From The Sky . It 's fun to track Rachel through her journey as she tries to find who the person she lost in that 9 - story fall . Maybe the wind was blowing really hard that day and blew away her sweater , but I hope some day soon she finds her sweater so she can move on to the race known as life . Goals - Short term goals I seriously doubt will still be the same . Long term goals on the other can stay the same in a way . For example , even though I may not have reached adulthood yet , I still want to earn another charm for my bracelet although medically I may not be up to that task . Physical - Quite obvious , but appearance is different . Sometimes that same baby ace is there , but as you grow older you grow taller and maybe develop a few muscles . Who knows ? Intelligence and Mind - When you 're young , everything is pretty straight - forward . 1 + 1 will always equal to 2 . When you 're older , you 're faced with more complex questions that may not be so straight forward . Authority - Adults have the authority while children not so much . As a child though , you do not question the authority . You go with it because " Mommy said so " and it just seems reasonable to do as Mommy says . As an adult , you actually get to be the one to speak with authority . There are many aspects of life that may cause you to come of age , or grow up , faster than maybe God intended for you . Those aspects may be disillusionment , pain , loss , war , etc . We watched a movie called Persepolis as a class in the beginning of the year and it was about a girl living in the year 1978 as a 9 year old child during the Iran - Iraq War . She was sent away to a different country because she was more outspoken and her parents were afraid for her life if she began to stir things up . Having to deal with the war and being different from her own culture made her come of age . She had to see the realness and cruelty of the world . Some people come of age faster than others , and different people come of age for different reasons . I can say I came of age when my grandfather died suddenly , but that would be false because I didn 't know him much . I was too young when he used to visit , but too say that I don 't miss him and that I don 't love him would still be untrue . I think something that did help me to come of age though , was the death of one of my best friends last year in April . Her name was Daisy and she committed suicide . For a while after that , I was in a dark place although I hardly let it show . It is tough though to have to deal with the pain and loss . And I can say now that I am a different person because of what happened . That 's what it means to come of age , I think . The worst thing you can feel about life , is that it is over . I still have flashbacks and nightmares , daymares if you may if they are during school , about the summer of ' 09 . On that particular August rainy morning , my life was almost taken . I 've been in 3 car accidents before , but that had definitely been the worst and most traumatic . My neck banged and cracked against the driver seat and the glass from the window next to me rained down on me . Luckily , none of the glass cut me , a miracle from God my mom says . Unfortunately for me , I did have to go to the hospital due to the damage on my neck and x - rays for my sprained ankle . I remember thinking for most of the rest of the year , that I should have been dead . I even felt a bit dead . Like along with that crushed car , a bit of me as well , was also crushed . I went on with life because life doesn 't stop , not even for the traumatic things it decides to put you through . I think that may be one of the biggest life lessons you 'll ever receive . Unfortunately for me though , I got the lesson at an earlier age than most , and at a more intense level . While reading if i stay by Gayle Forman , I felt I could relate to Mia on a deeper level . Gayle Forman has a gift when it comes to describing a scene . In a way it hurt me more to be able to revisit such a horrendous chapter of my life again by reading this book , but it also helped me to understand the story better . While reading the book the first time , the accident came so unexpected to me that when I read it , it hit me like a four - ton pickup truck going sixty miles an hour plowing straight into me with the force of an atom bomb . And that 's exactly what happened to Mia and her family in their car on that surprisingly similar rainy day . The scene was so descriptive that I found myself living my car accident again . Unlike Mia , I did not go into a coma and have to make my decision of whether I should stay in the world or exit as my family before me had done . I 'm pretty sure that if I had been in that same position , I would have driven ~ Hillary . This week , I am deeply immersed in a book called The Red Pyramid , which is a book about Egyptian gods and goddesses , and kid magicians who have to go on a mission to save the world . Carter and Sadie have to travel national and international to save their father from the evil god , Set . The thing is , this book is almost IDENTICAL to Percy Jackson and The Olympians . I was introduced to this book by my younger brother who has a passion for greek mythology . It is also by the same author , Rick Riordan who is also starting to worry me . These two books are about different religious beliefs , but in reality they have the same format . A girl and a boy on a mission , with a magical friend or creature ( Carter , Sadie and Bast , Percy , Annabeth and Grover ) . Your basic fantasy story . As much as I love Rick 's writing , descriptions , and chapter titles ( I almost got killed by a french dude was my favorite ) , I think that Rick needs to start writing with a little bit of a different story plot . And when he learns how to , maybe he can meet up with Sarah Dessen and help her out too ? There 's nothing wrong with a little extra funk guys . But hey , maybe I 'm being overly critical . I am only halfway through the Red Pyramid but I have already planned out what is going to happen . Despite the similarities both books have , they do have one variation . Much like some of Jerry Spinelli 's books , the narration changes from chapter to chapter . Talk about too confusing to follow along ! I shall continue to try , and I shall succeed ! Wish me luck ! I enjoyed reading the suspenseful Looking For Alaska by John Green because its format kept you engaged . Each chapter beginning at 143 days before to the day before kept me intrigued . The book kept me really excited . After Alaska died , I resented the author , and the book itself so much . How could he take the very character i related to completely out of the picture ? It angered me . I related to Alaska in several ways as she is bright , crazy and spontaneous like me . She gave the book life and energy and by taking her out to early , there were things about her we would never find out about . I enjoyed Alaska . She was definitely a flirt , but she still had her boundaries . She liked to laugh , much like myself which was one way I felt I could relate to her at times . Throughout the whole first suspenseful half , I found that Alaska lived by my motto . This seemed to prove my theory further of us being alike . My motto is " live life as happy as you can , and keep your head up , " or something along those lines . Sometimes what I do best , is concealing my true feelings and shutting the world out , while acting in my own play where I fool everyone into thinking everything 's okay . I could also see Alaska hiding things at times . Watching her mother die , and then being blamed by her own father definitely put a damper on her life . Then she would take out her anger on her friends and not realizing she was doing so as she hurt them . As most bullies would do , they would cause harm to other people which would alternatively make them feel better as well . Alaska seemed to play pranks on the other kids , and she did this to make herself feel better , but she never really meant to injure someone drastically . Although I also believe that it made her feel better about herself knowing she inflicted it onto someone purposely , without hurting them how she hurt herself , her mother , and her father . Although I can relate to Alaska in more than one aspect , I wouldn 't say we 're Gemini 's . Some of her choices , would most definitely not be one of mine . For example , drunk driving will not be the way my life will end . And although Alaska did some pretty terrible things , I do not hold that against her completely because when her mother died , she lost a bit of herself too . She lost some of herself and sadly could not find herself in time to save herself from her own death . RIP Alaska . Posted by This last week , I finished the book , Looking For Alaska by John Green . I enjoyed the beginning half , and I think the format was definitely suspenseful . Each chapter starting at 143 days before , all the way to 1 day before , and the day before kept me intrigued . It definitely got me really excited . When Alaska died , I resented the text so much . I hated the author . How could he take the me ( I can relate to this character Alaska very much , as she is bright , and crazy , and spontaneous ) out of the story ? She was the heart of the story and he just goes and takes her out like that ? Not cool ! There was still so much that I had yet to learn about her , but now there was no chance . UGH ! It made me so mad . I liked Alaska . She was a flirt , but she had boundaries . She liked to laugh , much like myself , which is kind of how I could relate to her at times . Throughout the whole first suspenseful half , I found that Alaska lived by my motto , which proved my theory even more . ( My motto is " live life as happy as you can , and keep your head up " or something along those lines . ) I also saw times where I could tell she was hiding something . Its hard to do everything they try to achieve . Her mother dying while she was watching and her father blaming her definitely put a damper on her life . She would also take this out on her friends when she was feeling that pain . She almost didn 't realize that she would do this . I believe she would also play pranks on the other kids in her school to make her feel better . Never to seriously injure . Though I also believe that it made her feel better about herself knowing she inflicted it onto someone purposely , without hurting them how she hurt herself , her mother , and her family . Though I can relate to Alaska in a way , I wouldn 't say we 're exactly alike . I mean , for one thing , I won 't die driving drunk . And although Alaska did do some pretty bad things , I can 't completely blame her because I believe that when her mother died , she lost a bit of herself . She lost some of herself and sadly could not find herself back in time to save herself from death . Posted by I commend Fiona Socolow on her poem , ' Poem in the Mirror ' . She is a true poet . I almost believe her , but not quite . And that 's only because I actually know her and who she is as a person . She 's so much more than a ' monster with crimson puffy eyes ' . Her posts are descriptive and very clear . She always has a focus and her interpretations are beyond amazing . I also enjoyed Gabriel Sturdivant 's poem ' Narrative Poem ' . It was really funny although i 'm not sure if it was supposed to be . It uses descriptive language and was a really enjoyable poem since it was so relatable . I could totally hear his voice . Sarah Safran . She is my 8th grade idol and her blog posts can even show off why . Sarah has a gift . And I am truly jealous of it . She can elaborate like there 's no tomorrow . Her interpretations reach for the stars and don 't come back . I also really enjoy her poetry . Her details are sharper than , shall I say it ? My sister 's stare . When you 're young , mostly everything is all fun and games . Life is a breeze . You get hurt , Momma can kiss the boo boo away . I guess in a way , you aren 't aware of things as much than if you were older . When you 're older , you understand things better , you see things differently , and you have your own opinion . When I first read this , I thought this was just another ' family moment ' poem . It seemed almost natural since the tone of the poem was a little subtle . I honestly think the boy believes he is waltzing with his ' tipsy ' father too . But after reading it a couple more times , I no longer believed that was necessarily the case . The idea of abuse or not though , still confuses me though . It 's like . I want to believe they 're just having fun dancing , but there are lines in the poem that just shout ABUSE ! to me . At every step you missed / My right ear scraped a buckle . I mean , if you look at it in an innocent way , the dad 's just a bit tipsy and of course naturally , you aren 't in complete conscious control of your actions . Obviously you 'll be slipping a bit , but is that just automatic abuse ? Then if you look at it in a more complex view , the poem could be saying that this made up character is being abused for the mistakes the papa makes . Because of these mistakes , your ' missed steps ' , ' my right ear scraped a buckle ' . This could possibly be saying that this poor character is being whipped . My mother 's countenance / Could not unfrown itself . When your spouse acts the fool and is acting all tipsy , I don 't expect you to be jumping for joy . Obviously you would be a bit annoyed . But at the same time , if abuse is happening in this situation , I know not everyone will speak up against it so this poem could also possibly be saying that the mom stood idly by not stopping it . In my heart , I truly want to believe this is all play . I 'm a true kid at heart . I can 't see things in any other way because pain is one thing I don 't take too well . Even if it 's not my own pain , I feel the weight of that burden . But even though I can be blind at times , I won 't be blind to the possibility of abuse . I 'll just choose to be ignorant and ignore it . During class , we established Anne Sexton 's poem , " The Starry Night " was a vague representation of her life and how she perceived it . Anne Sexton wrote " The Starry Night " in 1961 . All throughout her poem were , what we interpreted as , potential suicide hints . At first when we began to read this poem , I didn 't think much of death or suicide . My first impression of this poem was , Wow ! She must really think of this painting as out of this world beauty ! As our class continued to discuss it , we boiled it down to a last attempt for someone to realize that she was a bit suicidal . I think what she most hoped to receive from this , was help . Her whole poem screams HELP ! with beauty and elegance . Observations : Top - Sunset or Sunrise skies ; very textured ; blue mixed in as well . Different shades of orange , pink , yellow , peach , and blue . Middle ( ish ) - Blue water . In the background - island shaped land with people on it under a big tent - like thing . 2 people are walking away from another person on the boardwalk . Person is screaming . Inferences : Probably Sunset since most people aren 't awake to watch the sun rise . Also the sun is not visible . The water looks like some sort of river or lake winding down to the boardwalk . Or is it a bridge ? The screaming person seems to be scared or frightened . The other people walking ahead don 't seem to notice . They don 't turn back and they continue walking . The island - like structure in the distance has a few tiny figures that appear like humans . Above them , there is a blue - ish tent . It also looks a little like a boat . Interpretations : I like this painting because of all the colors . When Edward Munch painted this , I think he was trying to emphasize that the person was screaming and no one was paying much attention . Everyone else continued doing what they had been doing all along . I think this shows that not everyone will notice , or care , but you just have to get over it and continue walking down that boardwalk . I think the bright colors from the sky can represent the lighter issues , or the issues that aren 't as huge as the darker ( represented by the dark blue water ) issues or problems in life .
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Work isn 't going great . I 'm happy to be in a full time job , but I 'm also not really seeing eye to eye with my manager and work is just making me feel more depressed , and I really don 't know how I 'm going to cope in the long term . And it 's making me stress and despair about life even more , because my concerns about maintaining a steady adult life are becoming a reality . There 's a few lovely people at work , and they 're fun and funny and wonderful , and I 'm really appreciative of that . But I don 't know how much of anything my mental health can stand any more . It 's spiralliing a little , which is pretty hard to control and conceal when I 'm in an office of a bunch of people older than me who aren 't aware of my head feeling like it 's stuck in a prison it can 't think its way out of . So my new doctor is rubbish . Which sucks . I loved the one I 've had for the past year , but I can 't see her anymore as I 'm no longer a student , so all the trust and understanding we built up has just gone . And now I have to see a new doctor , who was incredibly dismissive and when I asked her opinion thought the appropriate response would be ' Me ? ' YES YOU ARE THE BLOOMING DOCTOR YOU ARE A MEDICALLY TRAINED PROFESSIONAL I HAVE MADE AN APPOINTMENT TO ASK YOUR ADVICE ! Anyway , that 's been pretty damaging . I had a few things to ask about , but I didn 't ask a couple of them because she clearly just wanted me to get out of the way . I get that it 's a busy surgery , but I had been waiting half an hour and expected to be treated with the respect you 'd expect from a medical professional . Especially as I was so scared before about speaking up about my depression to YET ANOTHER person , which is not exactly easy , and it wasn 't like I wanted to be there , and it was stressful enough booking an appointment and then missing a pretty important morning of work because I needed to see a GP . You 'd think the doctor would help you feel better , not actually make you feel worse about yourself and that you 're a waste of space … So I hurt myself for the first time in a long time , and I took a bunch of pills last night , but they just made me sleep well . I 'm off sick today - well , I went into work and then felt faint and hot and rubbish and apparently I looked pale so the kind new admin assistant drove me home - but I feel guilty for being here because I haven 't been able to get much work done lately , because there have been problems with the server etc and external sites that are literally beyond my control . And a certain incompetent colleague doesn 't seem to get that , and is making me feel really bad about myself . I almost cried yesterday , which would have been super embarrassing , but I managed to hold it in until I got home . Instead of congratulating me on a load of work that I had actually done in a super speedy time frame , which was a whole load of hassle for more reasons THAT WERE NOT MY FAULT , all he had to say was ' this is wrong , do these bits again ' . And the reason they are wrong in the first place is because HE TOLD ME TO DO THAT and his incompetence is causing extra stress in my life . Basically it 's very difficult to maintain the facade of being mentally fine and dandy when it feels like there 's someone living in my brain smashing up anything useful and telling me to do bad things to myself and preventing any motivation . So Rachel Platten 's Fight Song is awesome . Just to let y ' all know . So my partner is away for the weekend and it seems to be one of those rare days where I am super happy for no reason and blasting out music to myself . So it 's Halloween . And I look like a weird zombie . Unintentionally . I 'm sitting on the bathroom floor waiting for my hair dye to take … Slightly nervous about what colour it will go , since I have work on Monday , but the last time was super bright red and this is ' Mahogany ' ( apparently ) so we 'll see ! I went on a bit of a manic shopping spree earlier and bought a couple of films , and I started watching Jurassic World while reading the hair dye instructions and figured I 'd watch some more while I waited for it to take , but having put the mess all over my head , I decided it best to confine myself to the bathroom , so as to leave the least blood - like trail of evidence across the flat . Hence why I 'm writing a brief blog post and blasting out the Fight Song and now Taylor Swift . Hopefully everything will remain as clean as it seems right now ! Third time using DIY hair products and this is the tidiest so far . Might be something to do with the fact that I 'm doing it alone , but then I figured the first time I would need the help . Anyway , I 've been meaning to post for a while now and I 'll be in the mood to one minute and completely snapped the next . That 's kind of what I wanted to write about , but unfortunately I don 't have much control over my mind . So , like I said above , I 'm in one of those moods today where everything is super dramatic and AAAH you know ? so yeah , I 'm hyper , don 't feel like eating because if I 'm in a good mood and I have to sit down for a while to do that , or start cooking and messing the place up when I cleaned earlier , I get very stressed . I know it 's not healthy , but I 'm aware of it , and it 's plenty healthier than I used to be . And I 'm probably going to be having pizza three times over yesterday / today by the end of tonight … if that makes any sense at all . Hey all , it 's been a while since I 've posted . Because I 've had too much going on in my present physical life to be too deeply involved in my mental one too often … so that has been good . My depression is on the upside at the moment , but the anxiety is building again . Since I last posted , I 've moved into a flat with my wonderful partner , and we 're both in full time jobs living in a lovely area , pretty close to a bunch of friends . The period before that involved couch / bed surfing between various friends ' houses in the area , job searching , application - filling , phone conversations , flat viewings etc etc blah blah , you get the picture . It finally feels like my actual home . I have somewhere that I am home , and I am happy . For the first time . Ever , I suppose . When we first moved in , a month ago tomorrow in fact , we didn 't have any furniture and we were on a borrowed air bed that needed blowing up every night - and we didn 't have a pump . I felt pretty tired and stressed the whole time , but the novelty of having a place to call my own was amazing . We 've since filled the flat with furniture , had some pretty busy weekends , ordering things , building things , buying things , and have spent rather a lot . But that 's the worst of it out of the way . For good . Because now we have furniture . And a home . And we 're earning . Our salaries are both quite meagre , but together it works out pretty decently . I realise this is probably really boring , but I 'm just going to revel in the moment while the most interesting thing in my squiggly brain is setting up house . We even have a spreadsheet where we split the costs of food / utilities every week to keep it even . I find this way too exciting and I am aware of that . While it might seem that life has been pretty mundane in the recent past , my brain is never completely stable , and the bursts of panic seem to be recurring more frequently . They don 't last as long , but they 're pretty unpredictable and I 'm terrified of getting panicky at work . And I don 't want my illness to get in the way of my work . And it 's making me agitated and upset because I know I need to make an appointment to see my new doctor soon to get things moving now I 'm staying down in this area , but I really don 't want to , and it 's a faff having to work out when to miss work - especially as I get two buses there and two buses back and work is half 8 to half 5 Monday to Friday … which makes the doctors pretty inconvenient - and I feel guilty about it . Luckily , I have one of the most caring people in the universe by my side , and through all the stress of moving in together and getting started in our young adult lives , he 's been so supportive and kind . I don 't know how anyone puts up with me , but I know I wouldn 't be in the mental place I am now without his constant love and support , especially since leaving University and entering adult life . It 's made the transition so much easier having someone there going through the same thing but being so strong themselves that they 've got time to make me stronger too . I 'm not really sure what this post is about , I just feel like so much has happened and I 've forgotten to make any time for writing . Maybe now we 're settled it will start flowing a bit more naturally . I 'm exhausted and up and down every day , but it 's not such a constant depression and the anxiety is usually fleeting , although it is always unexpected , but I 've joined a gym , I 'm eating regular meals , I 'm in a Monday to Friday job where I have free weekends and evenings , and it feels like I am actually doing something with my life . Admittedly , I haven 't been to the gym this week , but I was ill ( physically , for once ) so I 'll excuse myself . I 've got a membership which means I can go to whichever classes I want , so I 've done some pilates and some bodypump . Pilates is great with a particular instructor , but her classes get booked so fast I don 't know when I 'll be able to make another ! And bodypump is a weightlifting session I thought I 'd try for a laugh that has actually made me feel amazing , just focusing in the moment , and literally feeling pumped , every Tuesday evening . I tried ' bodybalance ' which was way too airyfairy to go again - it couldn 't decide whether it wanted to be ' intense ' or ' relaxing ' and rather than being balanced it felt like a weird mix of stuff that left me feeling a bit deflated . So I won 't be going to that one again . Bodycombat sounds pretty fun , so I 'm going to give that one a go . Anyway , the point is , I 'm doing things purely for me and learning new things in the day and in the evening . My job is for a technology company , sitting on the support team , which means : writing test scripts ; testing software that 's being developed by the developers on the team ; dealing with requests from clients ; converting and writing some HTML . It 's nothing I envisaged myself doing , and some bits of it are tedious , but I 'm learning more and being given more responsibilities , and the days where I 'm doing a few different things are great . I get made tea and coffee all day by a lovely lady in the office and my colleagues are super fun . Although the ' air con wars ' are passively aggressively frustrating , the ' OXO soup wars ' and the like are hilarious . Don 't ask . It 's so refreshing to be with new people , doing something new , living somewhere new - it basically feels like I 'm giving myself a second chance at life , at least giving my brain a chance to be healthy . And I haven 't really looked at it that way . But I know I should , and I should make the most of this opportunity . Because I 've been stuck inside my head for so long , and all the places I 've been have those horrible associations , and yes , I 'll still have to deal with them , but now I 'm on steady medication , it 's done as much as it can , and I need to get some therapy alongside that . Everything seems so much clearer than it did this time a year ago , and I 'm in the right place to deal with it , physically and mentally in the world . So I actually have my interview today ( hopefully ) , although I dreamt I was in another county and missed it … many anxiety dreams at the moment indeed . The night before I dreamt my boyfriend broke up with me , and then when I woke up he was gone and I was a little panicked - but he had not ' gone ' , he had just gone to work . He 's started a job this week and I 'm very proud - it 's something I think he 'll be great at and he 'll find interesting , which is all you can ask for really - if a little jealous . I am applying for a lot of jobs at the moment , but nothing seems very concrete and it all feels very speculative . There 's one that I actually do really want , so I hope I 'll get asked to interview . Fingers crossed . With my boyfriend starting his job , and a bunch of other people who have , like me , also just graduated , everything seems very uncertain for me - with no place of my own and no real income at the moment . I could stay with my parents , but there isn 't any work round there and being back at home brings back memories of a difficult time in my life and I would hate to sink back into that despair after trying so hard to be ok while away at university . I 'm currently staying with a friend who 's still at uni , and it 's actually been really lovely , a few of us staying with him , and I kind of wish they 'd all be my housemates now . We 've been eating meals together , we 're all musical , and we 're equally crazy and busy types of people . I miss being in a busy house of my peers . I was pretty lonely last year , with only one other housemate , but I absolutely loved the year before when there were four of us - even though I didn 't get on with one of them , it was nice having two great friends around all the time , and a pet too . This is a very uncertain time in my life , and while generally my medication is helping me cope on the whole , it means that panic can be triggered much more easily , because well there 's much more legitimate reason to panic . My anxiety has been kept under control , while my depression as ever fluctuates a lot , but I feel like now maybe I will be keeping the depression and anxiety on a similar - but luckily , fairly low - level . My SSRIs are helping me keep relatively steady , which means I 'll now be able to get the other help I need , since I 'll be much more receptive now . It 's taken nearly a year of medication , after about seven years of illness , to finally be in a state where therapy might actually make a difference . I hope I can still be referred to the Mood Disorder Clinic , which is what I was told last term , but since I didn 't know where I was going to be in the country ( yay , uncertainty … ) I couldn 't commit to anything . I need to arrange to see my doctor again , because it 's so easy to just not renew my prescription and I don 't want future me to hate past me for not being prepared . I feel like I 'm not doing anything at the moment , even though I have been searching applying for a bunch of jobs , because I just really want some security at the moment . And it seems like my mind is exhausted and I 'm super stressed for not much reason at all . When I 've finished this cup of tea and taken an anti - anxiety in preparation for this interview , I will finally actually hopefully make it there … it has been an awful lot of faff just for one tiny interview - them rearranging last minute and costing me a weekend in a B & B , the website having the wrong address , phone calls and emails … hopefully it will actually go ok , but I have been feeling pretty deflated about it and like I just really don 't want to go . But I know I have to try . And I have been managing to get things done recently , making the phone calls I need to , going into town when I need to , and making sure I get out of the house every day , and actually doing different activities . I need to remember that I 've come a really long way , and not let go of that when I feel like I 'm a waste of space and I don 't have a job or a home that I pay rent for or much stability at all right now . Everyone seems to think it 's great that there 's no set thing that needs to be done , there are no imminent external deadlines . And yeah , that 's cool . But I want to get things done . I hate feeling like I 'm wasting my time . I want to be productive . And I need to be given a reason to do that . Because otherwise everything I thought was right - I am a waste of space , and everything is pointless , and I 'll never figure anything out , and my mind will always return to its dark places . I really hope that isn 't the case , and it feels less like that now than it used to , but it definitely isn 't over . I know that I 've got a lot of battling still to do . It seems to be a never - ending battle , and maybe it will be , but I 'll just have to prepare the frontline troops in my mind for the oncoming charge of depression and all its friends . Okay so after some difficulty I 've rediscovered how to turn on dictation on my laptop don 't know how accurately translate my voice into text and also the grammar and punctuation will be absolutely everywhere . Hello I tried to write like a whole paragraph Lycos and it 's already any sense and I 'm going really angry so I decided just to shout at my laptop and see what it puts on the paper - that way yours might have even worse sense of how active you in my head because where are okay ? It doesn 't make any sense Assembly ideas going on at once and after one thing about what goes on to the page I had my mouth when I had to say what 's going on I cannot function like a proper normal human being and I get so angry with myself and it 's self - destructive I know that . Instead of shouting and getting angry , I am going to attempt to do this properly and make actual post about the way I 'm feeling all the things I 'm generally annoyed with to see if it recognises that those ways but I feel are valid enough to effectively translate into this document . Okay so I just burped and it translated to ' ama ' , so that 's what about sounds like apparently . I wish I discovered this dictation sooner ( getting a text translates as the word ' in ' from the vibrations on the desk ) . It would have been pretty useful throughout my degree , which I literally finished on Friday , as this would give me a way of being a letter and realise understand and structure my beliefs or my opinions and my ideas in my head instead of having to somehow metaphorically rip them as my brain chunks and reassemble them like 1000 piece puzzle so that anyone else can make any sense of my mind . I probably like a completely crazy person anyone selling outside looking in my window because I am just being really expressive towards my laptop and waving arms about everywhere probably making eye contact with the WebCam so maybe they think I 'm doing some sort of interpretive dance which is pretty funny . I give up with this dictation thing right now but maybe when I 'm feeling a little calmer I 'll give it another go . There are already improvements in that last sentence - I guess it just takes some getting used to . Paragraph Another brief check - in to the blog while I 'm doing ok - ish and able to write a little . Had my final degree exam on Friday - it was horrible but it 's over , I 'm not really sure whether I 've done alright or not , I just don 't want to think about it or talk about it . I had a good Friday , but Saturday was just an anticlimax . I was supposed to have an interview tomorrow but it was cancelled on Friday afternoon . Well , rearranged . It 's just frustrating because I 'd made plans around having to be here on Friday and Monday , i . e . paying to stay the whole weekend . I think I felt deflated and unmotivated , and just completely exhausted all over , yesterday because the way I 'd planned these few days was altered and it left me feeling ( once again ) panicked and unprepared for the looming uncertainty of the rest of my life . I really want to write , but I just don 't have the energy at the moment , and I 'm not sure why . Writing usually helps me relax and organise the thoughts in my head - and I like to at least feel organised - but it doesn 't appear to be doing anything right now . I might check back in again later today , since it 's pouring with rain outside and all I 'm doing is surfing the internet , reading , and maybe eventually thinking about some life plans . But , one step at a time . ANYWAY . The point was : darker skin blah blah etc etc … Unfortunately , for some scientific reason , this means the sun was not only burning my face off , giving me heat exhaustion and generally getting in the way of life - it was also reminding me quite blatantly of the moments over the past year where I have been in a very bad and frightening place . My scars from the past year are becoming increasingly visible . The ones on my arms are faint and easy to conceal but the matter of wearing a bikini means that those areas I never usually expose are on full display . I 'd forgotten how many times I had inflicted pain on myself during 2015 . Before this past year , I had only had one small incident many years ago , and I 'd never thought much of it . This year , it 's been a lot more than that . The emotions have certainly cut a lot deeper . Trying to keep this side of me hidden from my parents is quite a feat when to me the marks are so glaringly obvious . ( Yes , you may recall as I mentioned in a previous post that I told my mother about my depression , but of course that does not mean we are actually discussing it or communicating properly - that 's going to take a lot longer - and she doesn 't know I inflict pain on myself , and I don 't think she 'd accept that very easily either . ) You wouldn 't notice the marks if you weren 't looking for them , I don 't think , but , as my usual paranoid self , I worry that someone will question me about them , and if they did I would go into shut - down mode not knowing how to respond - I get like that with talking sometimes , I just completely shut off , do not know how to formulate any words and force them out of my mouth into distinguishable sounds . Seeing these scars has brought back a whole load of unwanted memories , reminding me of the constant ups and downs I 've been feeling , fighting and fearing during 2015 . It is not the marks themselves that I am bothered by - it 's just pain , that was there and now has passed . The issue is this : that what the marks represent - the pain that I could never express and I feel will never truly disappear - is translated into the physical world merely by a few lines on my body . What are a few scars in the big scheme of things ? Nothing to take much notice of . It barely touches the surface of the intense dark periods , doesn 't show the panics and the frustration , the hurt and the anger , and all of that within myself , my mind circling round and round and never being able to escape that . The vicious circle that is apparently ' my mind ' ( yay , lucky me … ) is : the voice that fuelled my bulimia ; the voice that fuels excessive drinking from time to time ; the voice that tells me I deserve pain and punishment for existing and not appreciating it ; the voice that causes my trichotillomania ( I wrote a blog post a long time ago about this but it was lost and I couldn 't bring myself to begin to describe my strange affixation on my eyebrows down into coherent and logical words a second time ) ; and the voice that will go to any measure to physically inflict this pain on me . Sometimes it 's that I feel so numb , sometimes it 's that I can 't decipher what is going on in my own brain , sometimes it 's that I want to create something , just DO anything : put my fingers in candle flames ; bash my head on doors , walls , bash my hand on my head ; strike myself with the end of a pen repeatedly in the same spot because I can 't do something ; pick up whatever is conveniently lying around and use it for pain … the hair straighteners I didn 't realise had left scars - the marks faded at the time , but turns out it 's still there beneath the surface . It 's like my own body is an embodied metaphor physicalising the emotional version of myself . Some days I feel like the turbulence of my depression will never end . Most days in fact . Some days I get so sad at the fact I can have these brief fleeting happy moments and then my brain goes and ruins them by reminding me that I cannot cope with life , that I will never be good enough , that there is no point , and that the world would be a better place if I were not here . At least for now the thoughts are only harmful , and not suicidal . I 'm hoping my medication will fend that off so the next few weeks aren 't too terrible . Yet , every time I think things are improving , they take a turn for the worse . My boyfriend is convinced that I 'm getting better , and I thought I was too , but it seems that was a short lived opinion of mine . Perhaps it is fair to say that I may have come out of the constant depressed state and instead entered into a continuously fluctuating one , but the feelings of self - loathing and the urge to self - destruct are just as strong as before , it not stronger . And the intensity at which I feel those is just too much to bear . The way those bursts of overwhelming sadness just hit me out of nowhere , full on . The way the urge to take my anger and frustration out is thrown at me , forcing me to get completely caught up in a destructive mentality . One that I can 't see for what it is when I am in those moments , one that I can only see subjectively as the only possible option at the time . I 'm pretty tired and it 's pretty late and I 'm not sure if I 've made any sense here . I 'll be back writing more soon I hope . But for now , that 's me done . I can 't really put down in words all of the things I 'm feeling at the moment . I wouldn 't know where to start . But that 's just one thing that 's been on my mind recently . It 's not that I can and I don 't want to , it 's that I want to , and I can 't that is the most frustrating thing . Not a reference to anything specific , but rather the simple pleasures in life . I 'm on holiday with my family in France , in a lovely house , in hot weather , with a pool - I can read ( which I am grateful for ) , swim , play games , whatever I want . I have the deferred exam to take obviously , so there 's a little revision thrown in , but not too much since there 's only the one exam . Most days have been fine . That is until last night , when I experienced a major panic and rather a lot of distress . Nothing too concerning though . Today was a lot worse . Everything had been going fine : I had swum ; and read - I finished another book - I seem to get through an awful lot on holiday ; felt relaxed , thrown a ball playing catch with my siblings ; been splashing and messing around by the pool . I came in to do some work late in the day , got a whole topic done , had a short break , got the next one out . I just crashed . It wasn 't the work . It would certainly have been manageable had my head not decided to implode at that particular moment . In relation to the can and the want thing - I couldn 't concentrate , but I definitely wanted to . I knew I could go outside , but I felt no enjoyment at the prospect . I cried , shook , tried to calm down , got very angry with myself . Because there was no reason for me to feel like that . I am on track with my work . I am on holiday from ordinary life - a much needed break . Yet , what most see as a ' holiday ' , I anticipate with dread , the suggestion of going away filling me with anxiety , travelling 850 miles in the car with four other family members all age 16 + is not exactly a relaxing experience . We got here ok , and it wasn 't too dreadful . The journey not being fun is fairly obvious and expected . The house is incredible , the best I 've ever stayed in , with the best pool too . I do appreciate it , it 's just that when I get into those darkest moment , full fathom five into the deep seas of my brain , I lose all sense of the material , the present - and yet , simultaneously , I am existing entirely within the present . I can 't focus , I can 't breathe , I feel an immense sadness and I don 't understand why . I may physically be on holiday , but what those around me sometimes don 't seem to realise is that I can never truly be having a break from every day life , because I take my head with me , and my head takes up a lot of intangible space in my life as it is . I cannot control not being able to relax . I am trying my absolute best . Which is why it is so frustrating when an intense episode hits when it has been going averagely recently - and by ' averagely ' , that means pretty good for me , considering the last seven years or so . Hey guys , meant to write a few days ago but haven 't really felt up to it recently . It 's been a pretty draining week . I spoke to my mum , which was really emotionally difficult - I 'm glad I told her , and I guess it will help in the long term , but I have been dealing with this for so long and obviously all a mother wants is for her daughter to be happy and I think she thinks she can just fix it and is jumping into all this research on dealing with MH problems . And I do appreciate it , but it does feel like she 's undermining me slightly . I know she isn 't meaning to , and I know it 's difficult to relate to someone when you 've not had those feelings , but it 's been a pretty hectic stressful week . The reason I spoke to my mother ( who told my dad , who so far has been ok - just hadn 't said much ) was because I was pretty bad at the beginning of the last week , and ended up deferring an exam . This means I 'll have to take it in August , which just means dragging out my final exams for even longer , but I just didn 't feel capable of taking it . I 'm in a smaller room , and I 've got extra time , but I just got completely overwhelmed . I was unable to concentrate , feeling incredibly low and panicking a LOT . I was distracting myself by playing video games and trying to watch funny TV shows but nothing really helped . Anyway , after the stress of that , my mum came down to see me at the weekend - we had a fun day out , having lunch and shopping in town , and as of Saturday I have been ok - ish ( although it 's still up and down , as always ) . WordPress . com channel your inner tweet tweetView eloisemay94 's profile on TwitterYouTubepeople 's preferred Posts & Pages Medication myths . . . leave my personal drug routine for me to worry about please and stop making everything worse for everyone around you suffering from a mental illness . Sexism doesn 't exist , you say ? . . . ' Holiday ' Seeing my scars PARTAAAAY Blog Stats 1 , 996 hits
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SAUERKRAUT AND PORK ROASTIngredients1 . 3 to 4 lb . pork roast or pork ribs ( either ) 2 . 1 lg . onion ( chopped ) 3 . 1 tsp . salt4 . 1 / 2 tsp . pepper5 . 2 pts . sauerkrautDirections - Place meat in roaster . Place sauerkraut smothered over , salt , pepper and onions over top . 2 quarts water over . Bake at 325 degrees for 3 hours . My mother cooks this every year on New Years , we 've always heard that it brings good luck for the New Year . And we always serve it with mashed potatoes . * For more Favorite Ingredient Fridays , go to Overwhelmed With Joy ! OK ! Here 's my first video upload ! Sorry it 's so dark . I didn 't think about the lighting in the room when I was taking it . This was taken tonight right before Joey got his bath and he was getting sleepy and was being so darn cute ! Photo and video editing at onetruemedia . com Well , my digital camera finally bit the dust . It still halfway works , but it keeps freezing up so I decided that with our Christmas money to get us a new camera . I 've been wanting one that takes black & whites and also has audio with the videos so I can post videos of Joey , well I finally found the perfect one ! Now I just need to figure out how to work the darn thing ! So , coming soon . . . videos of Joey ! ! Just a quick post on our Christmas . It was such a great day . Just a quick recap . . . we woke up and went over to Patrick 's parents house , opened gifts , had breakfast , mom and I came back to our house to cook , took the food back to my in - laws , ate , then opened more gifts when Pat 's Grandma , aunts , uncle & cousins came over . " Merry Christmas Mommy & Daddy ! " " Is this for me ? " " Cuddles with Mommy ! " " Thank you Aunt Kerry ! " " Toys , toys & more toys ! " If you would like to see the rest of our Christmas 2006 pictures , go here . Happy Christmas Eve everyone ! Patrick and I just got back from Christmas mass . We left Joey at home with my parents . He wasn 't in the best of moods to take to church , hopefully next year he will be easier to take to church with us . Tonight , my parents , Patrick and I will be exchanging our gifts , then in the morning we 're going over to Patrick 's parents house to exchange with everyone over there , then have dinner with everyone . Then later in the day Pat 's grandma , aunts and cousins will come over . BUSY DAY ! I 'll be sure to post pictures in the next couple days . This is my first Christmas away from Ohio . It 's really helping having my parents here . But I 've never been away from my brother on Christmas . It 's weird . I didn 't think it would bother me as much as it does . Growing up , Terry was more like a father to me at times . He 's 16 years older than me and was always not only a brother , but a wonderful role model to me too . I 'm really going to miss him the next couple of days . Merry Christmas Bubba , I miss you ! The Lord definetly works in mysterous ways . . . I was so upset yesterday about our car breaking down , and not being able to afford heating oil along with our regular bills . Well , today Pat recieved a hoilday bonus . It 's enough toget the car fixed and pay for part of a tank of heating oil . Which I just called and it 's $ 2 . 39 a gallon ! Ouch ! Well , at least we 're going to have some extra money to help us ! In other news , Joey had a visit today from his physical therapist and his speech therapist , both is which went excellent ! Joey worked very hard with his PT is reaching while sitting , attempting to stand and trying to get to the crawling position . He still has a long way to go with the standing and crawling , but he 's getting so good with his sitting and reaching ! His SLP was very happy with his speech progress . She said he 's making all the sounds any infant should be making . She also said his eating his going great ! My parents are on their way to Connecticut from Ohio right now . They 're somewhere in Pennsylvania and I 'm going crazy ! It 's not been that long since I 've seen my mom but I haven 't seen my dad since October ! I can 't wait to have both of our families together for Christmas ! Also , I finally got my copies of Gifts ! I don 't care that they have flaws on them , I just wanted a couple copies of them to share with my family ! yay ! Candied Nuts - 1 1 / 2 cups raw or roasted cashews , peanuts , whole almonds , and / or pecans - 1 / 2 cup sugar - 2 tablespoons butter - 1 / 2 teaspoon vanillaDirections1 . Line baking sheet with foil . Butter the foil . Set baking sheet aside . In a 10 inch skillet combine nuts , sugar , butter and vanilla . Cook over medium - high , shaking skillet occasionally , until sugar beings to melt . Do not stir . 2 . Reduce heat to low . Continue to cooking until sugar is golden brown , stirring occasionally . Remove skillet from heat . Pour nut mixture into the prepared cookie sheet . Cool completely . Break into clusters . Store tightly covered in the refrigerator for up to 3 weeks . * This was anther recipe I made last weekend to add into my cookie / candy tins . Very easy and yummy ! * For more Favorite Ingredient Fridays , go to Overwhelmed With Joy ! So , I spent the evening last night over at my in - laws house since Patrick had to work late , then he joined us after he got off for dinner . Afterwards , we packed up Joey in my car and Joey & I headed home . I thought Patrick was right behind us but then realized he wasn 't and figured he probley forgot something had to turn around . WRONG ! His car broke down ! Keep in mind , he drives the better and newer of our two cars . I have a 1994 Saturn station wagon that I 've been expecting to die any day now . He drives a 2002 Pontiac sunfire that has been driving like a top . Well , the top finally stopped spinning and fell over . So , now we have a lovely tow bill and whatever it 's going to cost to fix the darn thing RIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS ! And I need to order heating oil and pay bills . Figures . . . . I was doing my usual online search of various articles on Down syndrome when I came across this one today . It 's not the full text but you 'll get the point . It 's from the OB GYN news and the statistic is awful ! Only 25 % of women with prenatal diagnosis say no to abortion ! Only 25 % ! There are so many families out there who would LOVE to adopt , why abort ? ! I had heard before that around 80 % of babies with trisomy 21 were aborted but I had never seen it in writing and to do so hurts . Gaaaaaaa ! ! ! ! ! ! Since I 'm on a rant about abortion , I just found another article and the only thing I have to say is , you go girl ! " Pro - Life Nurse 's Refusal to Do Abortions Changes Chicago Hospital Policy " by Steven Ertelt . A nurse in Chicago refused to assist in the abortion of a 22 week old fetus with trisomy 21 and her decision helped other medical workers at the hospital who didn 't know that they had a choice to participate or not . It 's amazing the difference in Joey since his surgery last Friday . I always thought he was an alert little guy before , but now he 's completely different . I didn 't realize how much he couldn 't hear . He never used to jump when there was a loud noise or wouldn 't always turn his head when we called his name . Now he does ! He 's actually gotten so startled that after he jumped , he started crying ! I just can 't get over the difference ! ! ! Posted by What a weekend ! I spent literally most of it baking cookies and candy to give out . The list of people I want to give goodies out to almost doubled since last year so yeah , I was a baking maniac ! Breaking my arm stirring the fudge ! ! Chocolates are a pain to make ! Halfway through , I started making them all solid instead of decorating them ! I love spritz cookies ! I only made a triple batch : ) All together over 250 ! Double batch of peanut brittle ! Triple batch of fudge . . . over 6 pounds ! Chocolate & Christmas chip cookies , double batch ! Not pictured , candied pecans & sugar cookies . I still have to decorate the sugar cookies so I 'll be up late finished those tonight ! Mom 's FudgeIngredients1 . 3 cups sugar2 . 3 / 4 cup ( 1 / 12 sticks ) butter or margarine3 . 1 small can ( 5 oz ) evaporated milk4 . 1 1 / 2 package ( 12 squares ) Baker 's semi sweet baking chocolate , chopped5 . 1 jar ( 7 oz ) jet - puffed marshmallow creme6 . 1 tsp vanilla7 . 1 cup chopped walnuts ( optional ) Directions - Heat sugar , butter , and evaporated milk to full rolling boil in 3 quart heavy saucepan on medium heat , stirring constantly . Boil on medium heat until candy thermometer reaches 234 degrees F , stirring constantly to prevent scorching , about 4 minutes . Removed from heat . - Stir in chocolate and marshmallow creme until melted ; stir in vanilla and walnuts . - Spread immediately in foil lined 9 inch square pan . Cool at room temperature at least 4 hours . Cut into 1 inch pieces . - Makes 3 lbs or 40 serving . * This is the same recipe my mom has used for as long as I can remember to give out to family and friends around Christmas . * For more Favorite Ingredient Fridays , go visit Overwhelmed With Joy ! Joey 's surgery went very well . His ears were full of fluid & wax but unfortunately , his ears canals are still too small for tubes . So the doctor cleaned his ears out and the audiologist did his hearing test . His right ear is still perfect , his left is good but not perfect . The audiologist compared it to someones eyes starting to go bad , but not needing glasses yet . So we have to go in every year now for an annual hearing test and maybe in the future , he might need a hearing aid . He woke up just fine after his trip to the OR . He was so unlike most of the other babies in recovery . It seemed like all the other babies were crying and screaming . There was Joey , happy as can be , blowing bubbles at everyone who walked by . HE ' S SUCH A TROOPER ! Joey 's ENT is planning on scheduling another ear cleaning the same day as Joey 's circumcision in April to do another ear cleaning and possibly then tubes . Well tomorrow is Joey 's surgery . Hopefully he won 't have to get the tubes . Hopefully , they 'll go in and any fluid is no longer in his ears and he 'll pass the hearing test . If that 's the case , no tubes . If there 's fluid , he will get the tubes and then they 'll do the brainstem hearing test while he 's still asleep . We have to be at the hospital at 6 : 30am which means we have to get up extra early ! Which us luck tomorrow and be sure to say a little prayer for Joey ! Geez , I 've been so focused on other things lately Ive not had a true Joey update post ! He 's doing so good ! He 's finally feeling better and back to himself after our little trip to the ER the other day . He 's not liking to take his antibiotics very well though . Did I mention when they weighed him at the hospital that he weighs 16 lbs 8 oz ? ! ? ! He 's getting so big ! He grew out of his 6 / 9 month clothes and is already in 12 month clothes ! I can 't believe he turns 9 months old tomorrow . The months just keep flying by ! Before I know it , he 's going to be 1 year old ! He 's doing such a goof job with his sitting . He sits up for about one minute now , sometimes longer . I had him sitting next to me on the couch last night watching TV and he was so excited just sitting there next to me . I wish my husband would have been home to grab a picture of it . He 's still not doing much in the way of crawling . He wants to so bad ! He gets up on his knees then falls down and rolls over . He 'll get it soon . His PT has been working on it with him . Friday , we have another trip to the hospital but this time instead of the ER , we 're going to the OR . Joey 's ENT wants to knock him out since he can 't see inside of Joey 's ear canals and since he keeps failing his left sided hearing tests . The ENT wants to be able to get a good look inside of them , if there 's fluid clean it out , put in tubes if needed and while he 's still sleeping , have the audiologist do the brainstem hearing test . This will determine if he keeps failing the test due to fluid or an actual hearing loss . I 'm hoping for the fluid well actually I 'm hoping that if it was fluid that it 's disappeared since his last hearing test and that he won 't need tubes at all ! But with the size of his tiny ear canals , I doubt it . This was emailed to me today and I wanted to share it with everyone out there in blogger land too . . . Today , Bristol - Myers Squibb , the pharmaceutical monolith that charges nearly $ 1 , 000 for a 30 - day supply of one of its HIV / AIDS medications , is donating $ 1 to the National AIDS Fund for each person who simply visits their website and " virtually lights a candle . " The tally is over 1 , 000 , 000 now . Please , please take a minute to " light a candle " , www . lighttounite . org . This really will take just a second ! ! Please forward this on to other friends ! Since there 's only 12 days until Christmas ( well Christmas Eve ) , I figured I would post an article I found online . It 's about the Origin of the 12 days of Christmas . Very interesting ! Patrick and I wanted to have a baby girl . Unfortunately , the results from the tests they ran after my miscarriage have come back inconclusive . There wasn 't enough of a sample to see why my baby didn 't survive . There also wasn 't enough to determine the sex of the baby . My doctor said I probably passed most of it at home without knowing . As soon as I became pregnant , we were hoping for a little girl . And we never decided on a boy name , only a girl name , Kiera Rose . Since we 'll never know for sure , we are calling our baby Kiera . Kiera , a lovely Irish name . Rose , because she would have been as beautiful as a rose . Sorry I haven 't posted since Friday , we had a BUSY weekend ! My best friend from Ohio flew in and then the 2 of us went and picked up are other friend who is stationed in Groton at the Navy base . Anyways , it was a great weekend . I really needed to see someone from Ohio . Last night Joey started getting sick . Running a fever , and cranky . Gave him some tylenol and put him to bed . He woke up a 2 : 30 crying and still had a fever . More tylenol . Woke up this morning still with a 102 fever and crying . I called his doctor and he told me to go ahead and take him to the ER . After bloodwork , labs , ect , it came up that Joey has a bad UTI . So now he 's on antibodics and still feeling crumy but seems like he 's doing a little better . On the way home from the hospital , I called my OB to see if they could get me in sooner than my appointment next week or make me an appointment with someone to talk to about my miscarrage . I can 't sleep very well at night and I 've been crying whenever something reminds me of my baby . Needless to say , I 'm a wreck ! I also asked if they got the pathology results back from why my little baby didn 't survive . The results are in and the receptionist said someone would call me . Well , it 's 6 : 41 and no one called ! I 'm not too happy about that . Geez , I can 't wait till I can go to bed and hopefully tomorrow Joey will feel better and maybe I 'll get some answers about my little baby . PEANUT BRITTLEIngredients2 cups sugar1 cup light corn syrup1 cup water2 cups raw Spanish peanuts1 / 2 tsp . salt2 Tbsp . butter2 tsp . baking sodaDirectionsHeat and stir sugar , syrup and water in a heavy 3 - quart saucepan until the sugar dissolves . Add salt . Cook over medium heat to soft ball stage ( 234 degrees ) . Add peanuts at 250 degrees . Cook to hard crack stage ( 290 degrees ) , stirring often . Remove from heat . Quickly , stir in butter and soda . Beat to a froth for a few seconds . Pour at once onto 2 well - buttered 15 - 1 / 2x10 - 1 / 2x1 - inch pans , spreading with spatula . If desired , cool slightly and pull with forks to stretch thin . Break up when cold . Makes about 1 1 / 2 pounds of brittle . * I must admit to you guys that this is not the recipe I 've used in the past . In my move from Ohio to Connecticut , I can 't find the recipe I used in the past , but this one is the closest that I 've been able to find . I just hope it comes out just as good ! ! ! For more Favorite Ingredient Fridays , go to Overwhelmed WIth Joy ! I 've never really had many people to grieve passing away . My grandma and my dad 's best friend are the only 2 people close to me that have passed away . Losing your own child doesn 't compare to anything I 've ever felt before . Today , I tried getting my life back to normal since my mother is back home and I 'm back to taking care of Joey by myself . We did our normal daily activities , but I kept finding my mind drifting from one subject to another . I still can 't concentrate . It 's like I suddenly have ADD or something . So , Joey and I went out this morning to BJ 's Wholesale Club to get diapers and other things we need in bulk . I walked around the store in a haze . I also bought Pirates of the Caribbean 2 . We came home and I put the movie in . I couldn 't even sit down to watch it during Joey 's nap . I could barley watch my favorite soap opera . I couldn 't do housework . My mind can 't stay on one subject . My appetite keeps coming and going . I 'm only wanting to eat junk food , nothing healthy . I want to sleep all the time . I know my hormones are extremely off whack and I 'm sure that 's the reason behind this . Writing this , I keep thinking of other things to write , but they make no sense . I 'm trying so hard to cope , but it 's so hard . I know it 's affecting my husband and Joey too , I 'm trying to stay strong for them , but it 's hard . I know I need time to grieve , but it 's so hard . Joey is sitting ! Well , only for like 30 seconds at a time , but he 's sitting ! Before he would fall over instantly or bend in half , but now he can hold himself up ! Yesterday he sat for about 2 minutes before he fell over ! His OT about had a heart attack today when she saw how good he was doing today ! I love days like this ! Posted by Unfortunately , my mom has to go back home to Ohio today . We hate to see her go home . I wish her trip here would have been for a different reason , but it was so nice having her around . This past week has been full of her cooking and even cleaning our house for us . Plus , having her around just made me feel so much better ! Not to mention she was able to spend lots of time with Joey . The good news is that my parents will both be back here in a couple weeks for Christmas ! ! Posted by I 've been tagged by Sunny Days At The Beach sooooo , here it goes ! ! ! 1 . I have a HUGE turtle collection . 2 . I don 't eat fish . I can 't stand the taste or smell of it ! 3 . I also don 't like to eat raw tomatoes ! They taste nasty and are slimy ! 4 . Sometimes when I get to laughing very hard , I snort . 5 . Up until I got married and slept alone in bed , I had my electric blanket on my bed year round and ALWAYS had it on . ( I get cold easily ) 6 . I bit my fingernails since I was little until one day while I was pregnant with Joey when I decided to not bite them anymore . What to do with a MeMe : Copy the idea of the MeMe into a new post on your blog . Answer the questions . Tag 6 people . ( Make sure you leave them a comment letting them know they 've been tagged . ) I 'm tagging : 1 . Michelle2 . Rebecca3 . Heather4 . Amy F . 5 . Miranda6 . Amy The past couple days have gone by easier than what I expected them to . I still feel lost at times . I 've been losing my train of thought and can 't focus on what I 'm doing . My mind just keeps wandering . I was looking so forward to having a baby in July . My two best girlfriends are both pregnant and the three of us were all due in the first two weeks of July . Now it 's just the two of them pregnant . I was so excited for us to have our babies around the same couple of weeks . Now we 're not . That makes it even harder for me . I know it 's been a lot easier on me since I was only 7 weeks pregnant . Don 't get me wrong , it still hurts . It hurts a lot , in fact it hurts like hell knowing that I lost a baby , but it would have hurt a lot more if I would have been showing and felt the baby move . I 'm so grateful that my mom was able to fly up here to be with me . I was so scared to go to the hospital without my mom . Thank God , she was able to catch the first flight out Tuesday morning in time to go to the hospital with me . She 's been a huge help with Joey so I 've been able to take it easy and not do all that much . I 've even been spoiled with a couple of my favorite meals that she fixes ! What would I do without my mother ? ! Today we even went out for lunch and then to the mall and went shopping for a little bit . We found a couple cute outfits for Joey and even a Christmas gift for my husband ! It felt good to get out and try to get my life back to normal . BEEF ENCHILADASIngredients1 pound ground beef 1 cup cottage cheese 2 tablespoons minced fresh parsley 1 / 2 teaspoon garlic powder 1 / 2 teaspoon salt 1 / 4 teaspoon pepper 8 ( 6 inch ) flour tortillas Sauce 1 medium onion , chopped 1 / 2 medium green pepper , chopped 1 tablespoon cooking oil 1 ( 15 ounce ) can tomato sauce 1 ( 4 ounce ) can chopped green chilies 2 teaspoons chili powder 1 teaspoon sugar 1 / 2 teaspoon garlic powder 1 cup shredded Cheddar cheese DirectionsIn a skillet , brown the ground beef . Drain . Combine with cottage cheese , olives , parsley , garlic powder , salt and pepper . Place about 1 / 3 cup filling on each tortilla ; roll up . Place tortillas , seam side down , in an ungreased 13 - in . x 9 - in . x 2 - in . baking dish . For sauce , saute the onion and green pepper in oil until tender . Add tomato sauce , green chilies , chili powder , sugar and garlic powder . Pour over tortillas . Cover and bake at 350 degrees F for 30 minutes . Sprinkle with cheese and return to the oven for 5 minutes or until cheese melts . For more Favorite Ingredient Fridays , go to Overwhelmed With Joy ! My poor little guy has had a fever all day today . At one point , it was up to 102 degrees . He 's been crying and just not happy at all . He got his flu shot 2 days ago , so I 'm guessing that it 's the reason why . He 's been asleep more today than he 's been awake . I 've been giving him tylenol every 4 hours in hoping to break this fever , but so far , no good . I just want to cuddle him and make it all better ! I want to thank everyone for their thoughts and prayers over the past couple days . Just knowing I have people out their praying for us really has helped to get through this . My mother flew in from Ohio and that has also helped tremendously . There 's nothing better than having your own mom to comfort you , no matter how old you are . I 'm doing a lot better than what I thought I would be doing . I still feel lost , but I 'm sure that it will take a long time to heal mentally from something like a miscarriage . I know part of me will never heal , but knowing that my little baby is up in heaven , helps . Thank you again for everyone 's thoughts and prayers . But the good news is , that my doctor said that we only have to wait 2 months before I can get pregnant again , so keep your fingers crossed that we 'll be expecting again very soon ! This is probably the most difficult and painful post I 've ever had to write . I 'm miscarrying my baby . I feel so lost . I can 't even think straight . I don 't know what to do or say . I 've never felt so lost in my life . I know God has other plans for my little baby , I just don 't understand . Why me ? Why did God have to pick my baby ? Hopefully my baby will become Joey 's guardian angel and watch after him as he grow up . But I just still don 't understand . I will be taking a couple days away from posting on my blog , but please pray for me , Patrick , Joey and my little baby . Wow , I completely forgot to do my Favorite Ingredient Friday and give an update about Thanksgiving ! I 've been enjoying having my husband home for a four day weekend , I 've completely forgot about my poor blog ! Thanksgiving was wonderful ! We ate over at my in - laws house for dinner then went over to Patrick 's aunt 's house for dessert later in the evening . Such great food ! There 's nothing better than turkey ! I could skip eating the rest of the meal , JUST GIVE ME MY TURKEY ! Well , ok , maybe I couldn 't skip the rest . Joey was the hit of the day of corse . Pat 's grandmother was so into taking pictures of Joey , she barly got any other pictures of the rest of her grandchildren . And Friday , I didn 't wake up and get to the stores at 5am , I just couldn 't do it this year . Maybe next year . But I did wake up at 7 : 30 and headed out to Micheal 's , Old Navy and Walmart . Then today , we went to the mall and got Joey 's picture taken with Santa ( which turned out soooooo cute - I 'll post it later ) and then I finally broke down and got my hair cut . I haven 't had it cut in over 7 months so I figured it was about time . I let the ladt take 2 inches off ! ! At least I can still pull it back ! OK well , I guess that 's it for now ! ! ! Well , little Mr . Joseph has decided to start the teething process . He has all 4 of his I - teeth coming in . They haven 't broken through yet , but he has 4 lumps where they belong and the bottom two are much further along than the top . Poor little guy , I 've heard that those teeth are the most painful when coming in , and lord knows how long it 's going to take for them to come in , but hopefully it 'll be sooner than later . The funny thing is that he 's going to look like a little vampire ! He has none of his front teeth yet . The bottom left one looks to be the closest . Let the teething begin ! ! ! Has anyone else ever had a pyrex dish explode before ? Patrick took the dish out of the oven and set it onto the stove . And BOOM ! Neither of the burners had been turned on so I have no clue why the darn thing expoded , but glass went flying ! Scared the heck out of both of us ! ! ! I 'm just glad neither of us got cut or burnt . Patrick stepped on a sliver of glass but nothing bad . The only thing I can think of this that maybe the glass had a flaw in it ? I dunno . . . Posted by We 've been having the hardest time getting Joey to stay on his hands and knees . The minute we put him there , he puts his hands in his mouth and falls to the ground . He has no problems lifting himself up onto his hands and will also lift himself up with his knees , but not at the same time . I know some of this has to do with his low muscle tone but if he would just keep those darn hands out of his mouth ! Any suggestions ? I forgot to post on my doctor 's appointment on Wednesday ( Thanks Steph for reminding me ) ! ! ! Anyways , I 'm only 6 weeks pregnant . The ultrasound showed my little bean . The doctor is having me back in 2 weeks for another ultrasound just to double check how far along I am . Plus by then we 'll be able to see the heart beat and something that resembles more of a baby . It was so funny though . My OB office has a group of about 8 doctors . I primarily try to see Dr . B and Dr . A . Well , I was walking out of the office when I saw Dr . L who helped me through the first 12 hours I was in the hospital having Joey . Needless to say , I was a pain in the butt , so he remembered me . He was tickled to see Joey and how well he is doing . Then asked if I was there for a checkup . I laughed and said " Kinda , you 're going to be seeing plenty of me for a while . . . I 'm pregnant again ! " . The look on his face was priceless ! Posted by Snickerdoodle Cookies ( Another craving of mine in the past week ) Ingredients1 . 1 / 2 cup shortening2 . 1 / 2 cup or 2 tablespoons sugar3 . 1 egg4 . 1 / 2 teaspoon vanilla5 . 1 cup or 4 tablespoons flour6 . 1 / 4 teaspoon salt7 . 1 teaspoon baking power8 . 4 tablespoons of cinnamon9 . 4 tablespoons of sugarDirections1 . Cream the shortening , sugar and egg with electric mixer until smooth . 2 . Sift flour , onto a wax paper , about 1 1 / 2 cup . 3 . Measure flour , salt , and baking powder into sifter and sift over a small bowl . 4 . Add the sifted ingrediennts into the sugar and shortening and egg mixture and mix well . 5 . Add vanilla and stir again . 6 . Dough should be soft and easy to handle . Add a little more flour ( about a tablespoon or so ) if dough sticks to your hands . 7 . Preheat oven to 400 degrees . Set out cookies sheets lined with foil 8 combine suger and cinnamon into a small bowl and set out side9 . Roll pieces of dough into the size of a small jawbreaker . Roll the ball into the sugar cinnamon mixture . Place on a foil line cookie sheet , three across and five down . Place the rack in the middle of the oven . 10 . Bake for 8 - 10 minutes until lightly brown . Cookies will puff up and then will flatten down and have a crispy top . 11 . Let the cookies cool on the rack . For more Favorite Ingredient Fridays , go to Overwhelmed With Joy ! Last night Joey learned that he can grab the end of the blanket and roll himself up in it ( like a burrito ! ) ! ! This is his newest game . . . Posted by After reading Rebecca 's post called The Whole Blogging Thing , it made me realize how much I 've come to depend on my blog and other blogs to express my feelings and concerns about Joey and life in general . Back in Ohio , I had so many friends , I couldn 't even count . I would have something to do every single evening if I wanted . When I moved here to Connecticut , I knew absolutely no one except for Patrick 's family and a couple of his old drinking buddies . I now have a grand total of 5 friends here in Connecticut , 3 of which are parents of children with Down syndrome . For those friends , I am ever so grateful ! Even with those friends , I have never been so lonely in my life ! I was so accustomed to having someone to lean on whenever I needed a friend back in Ohio . But now , thankfully , I have my blogger friends whose lives are very similar to mine in being that you 're parents , some with children with down syndrome , others not . You guys are my links to the outside world and at times it feels like I know you guys better than my friends who I know in person . It 's nice to know I have fellow parents out there who can give me pointers and just sometimes listen to what I have to say . Thank you ! Wow , I didn 't realize it 's been since Friday that I 've posted last . I go tomorrow for an ultrasound to see how far along I actually am . I really hope I 'm more like 10 weeks than 5 . That means one less one to go ! We 'll see tomorrow ! I haven 't gotten much done around the house at all . I 've been so tired . Not much in the way of morning sickness except for some evenings I get nauseated . And not to mention today I ate a bowl of cereal and drank a glass of milk and threw that up . When I was pregnant with Joey , the only thing I wanted was milk but NOT THIS TIME ! I got a call from one of my best friends , Eric , from back in Ohio today . He 's coming December 7 - 10 to see us . I 'm so excited ! Since we 're not going back to Ohio for Thanksgiving or Christmas , it 's going to be so nice to see one of my friends . My parents are coming up for Christmas , but it 's still not going to be the same . This will be my first Christmas not in Ohio . Onto a Joey update ! He 's still not sitting , but getting very close ! He 's sitting for about 20 seconds at a time and he really seems to want to sit on his own . He gets so frustrated ! It seems like everyday he turns into more of a little person . His personality keeps coming out and he gets funnier each day . He 's getting new facial expressions and says new sounds all the time ! Not to mention he 's rolling so much now ! It also seems like he 's wanting to crawl . He lays on his belly and his little arms and legs move so fast but he goes no where . He still needs more strength to get up on his hands and knees . Ohhhh ! ! And today Joey turns 8 months old ! I can 't believe my baby is 8 months old ! The time has flown by ! ! Well , I guess that 's it for now ! To help celebrate my new founded pregnancy , I 've decided to do recipes of things I will be craving and the first is my mom 's pecan pie ! ! Also a great recipe for Thanksgiving ! ! Mom 's Pecan PieIngredients1 . 3 Slightly beaten eggs2 . 1 cup of corn syrup3 . 2 / 3 cup sugar4 . 1 / 3 cup butter or margarine , melted5 . 1 teaspoon vanilla6 . 1 1 / 4 cups pecan halves7 . Pie Crust ( mom cheats and buys premade ) Directions1 . Combine eggs , corn syrup , sugar , butter , and vanilla . Mix well . Stir in pecans . 2 . Pour filling into pie crust and place in oven . 3 . To prevent overbrown of crust edges , place foil around egdes of pie . Bake in oven at 350 degrees for 25 minutes then remove foil and bake for another 20 - 25 minutes or until a knife inserted near center comes out clean . Cool on wire rack . To see more Favorite Ingredient Fridays , or to participate , go to Overwhelmed With Joy ! It 's so funny , I never imagined that I would be pregnant again only 8 months after having Joey . I admit , I 've been wanting another child , but I didn 't expect it to happen that easily ! But I 'm so excited ! ! I go to the doctors on Wednesday for an ultrasound . We 're not sure how pregnant I truely am . In October my period came 2 weeks early and was very light & short , so there 's a possiblity that I was pregnant then . So I 'm either like 5 weeks or 10 weeks . Well , I want to write so much more , but Joey is calling , so I 'm off for now ! I have added another ad to my blog , so for any of you that are interested in Signing Time DVDs , I am now an affiliate for their company . I thought this would be a great way to hopefully help me to get some extra money to order them for Joey ! Posted by I 'm cheating , I can 't leave this a wordless message although the picture speaks for itself . . . that 's right folks , I 'm 5 weeks pregnant ! I just found out today ! ! I 'm going to have my hands full starting in July with a newborn and a 17 month old ! For more wordless wednesdays , go here !
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Making an Exception for Cool Whip I 'm thinking the attitude and comments in most of my posts would indicate that I wouldn 't normally prepare anything with something like Cool Whip . Which is true . Except I have recently decided that every June 28th Cool Whip will be permitted . On June 28th , 2011 my amazing grandmother Elena , lovingly called Baba Lyalya , passed away . I can 't believe that it has already been a year . When I was in Boston for school I spent many weekends at her apartment and she fed me a lot . And many times dessert was jello with Cool Whip . Yes , you read correctly , jello with Cool Whip . How someone who serves jello with Cool Whip produced a family that includes some self proclaimed food snobs , I don 't know , but I have to say that I loved it . I was always happy after dinner when she would pull out this yellow bowl out of the fridge . Always the same yellow bowl . Followed by the Cool Whip from the freezer . We just flew home to New Jersey from Moscow on the 28th . I was too tired to deal with Shop Rite , so I was hoping that CVS ( where I had to run an errand anyway ) would have the two ingredients for this very special dessert for my 1st Annual Cool Whip is OK Today Day . They ended up only having jello , which I think is weird . So I thought , OK , I 'll go to Whole Foods to say hello ( it 's been 3 months ! ! ! ) and then run into the KMart next door . Surely they will have Cool Whip . I actually went to KMart first and they DID NOT have Cool Whip . So strange . Whole Foods had something call TruWhip which looked like it basically had the same ingredients ( also very weird ) , but it wasn 't totally lenten so I didn 't buy it . Plus I felt like I needed to be true to the tradition and my grandmother 's dish . So off to Shop Rite I went . Which was awful , but I 'll spare the details . It was probably mostly due to the jetlag . But I would like to blame the woman with 27 items in the 5 item check out line . I was shocked , though , to discover that Cool Whip is not lenten . There is a tiny percentage of milk solids in it . I swear I used to eat it during lent because it was 100 % lenten . So I 'm not sure what happened there . I guess it makes me feel a little better though because that means it isn 't 100 % chemicals . The Shop Rite brand had beta carotene for color . That made no sense since it 's unnaturally and blindingly white . I know I shouldn 't be sad that she died because she lived such a full life . She saw each of 5 grandchildren get married ( 60 % of whom married someone named Andrei ) and from those 5 grandchildren she saw 8 great grandchildren . My grandmother lost her husband too early , but she remained so strong about it . She happily shared stories with me about their love and their life . Despite difficulties that she faced and great losses that she suffered she told me once that given the opportunity to live her life again she wouldn 't change anything . Except not to have been so worried during my grandfather 's illness . But she knew that her life played out the way God intended it to . And she accepted that . And I look up to her for that . Because that is something brave . That takes a lot of strength and trust . I know in the end her mind was just starting to go a little and she was scared and she wondered why God was letting her feel this way . But that wasn 't really her . Before those things started happening , my grandmother had known she was at an age where she could meet her end soon . And she was ok with it and talked about it freely and confidently . She would ask God that if she could , could she just see her next grandchild get married or have a baby . She was blessed to see us all get married . And I know that when I have kids I will wish so much that she could have seen them and held them . I told her at my graduation from Boston University , and I repeated it at her funeral , that she gave me the best example of how to have faith , how to live and how to love . Now that we are at the one year mark , I can feel more and more how much I miss chatting with her in her Boston apartment . I miss how she would explain movies to me as we watched them - movies that were in English that I probably understood better than she did . I miss laughing together or plotting my next conversation with the most elligible bachelor at that time in church . Or how she told me if I died my hair it would fall out . I love the way she would retell the story of how my brother broke his chair during a game of Cranium or how she would give me all the sardines that she kept buying even though she doesn 't like fish . I will never forget how much she helped me through a real gut wrenching heart break that seemed , at the time , to last forever . Or how she helped me through homesickness . I still laugh thinking about the time she tried to force me to take one of her ' house coat ' pajama things because she was so nervous that I would wear my very short sleeping shorts to Andrei 's parents house one of the first times I was staying over at their house and would scare them and irreversably ruin my chances of winning them over . And I 'll never forget how Andrei so easily became another grandchild to her . I have so much to tell her , and although I know that she knows it all , I can 't help wondering what she would tell me . I have so many questions and she is the one that I want to ask . I wish I could know her answers . I wish that I spent more time with her in the end , and didn 't shy away because she was losing it a little and wasn 't completely herself . I 'm glad though that during one of her last visits to New York , I was able to have jello and Cool Whip with her again . And now I will remember her with jello and Cool Whip for years to come . Untranslatable I think I have determined that I really just like the idea of camping , more so than actual camping . For which , by the way , no one here can seem to provide us a confirmed translation . So before a lovely trip to St . Petersburg , Andy and I went ' na pohode ' , ' kemping ' , and / or ( who knows ) ' na peek - neek ' with some of Andy 's co - workers and their friends … I also irrationally sulked about not having s ' mores . But for this I will blame the blog ( and not entirely on my husband who just didn 't have the vision in the store where I found Russian marshmallows and somehow convinced me out of buying them ) . How AMAZING of a blog post could have been written about introducing s ' mores to people who don 't know what they are ( yes , those people exist ) , in a foreign country , on a wacky camping trip , using Russian marshmallows , chocolate and whatever graham cracker substitute I 'd have to find . This is what happens when you start blogging . Everything is constructed into a future blog post . Whenever I go camping ( or outside in Jersey in the evening ) I am always eaten alive by mosquitos . I was kind of hoping since some random Muscovites I encounter don 't seem to want to acknowledge my presence that , while kemping , Muscovian mosquitos would act the same . No such luck . Camping in America is usually restricted to special authorized areas . In Russia you can pretty much put a tent anywhere . Even , like in our case , in a field behind a sign that marks the territory as forbidden for people . I wish I could have seen mine and Andrei 's faces as we passed that sign , already after dark , on a road with deep puddles for booby traps . The friends of our friends had made it already , so after a several hour detour that the GPS took us on , we called for directions . Andrei and I still don 't know how our friends found the place when both parties said things like this : " After you reach the dirt road there will be a pile of rocks and a butterfly sitting on a flower , take a left and then make a right at the ladybug " or " There is a field to our right and to our left , and a tree … which way do we go ? " The first group to make it could remember a chunk of wood on the ground , but not deathly puddles and a No Trespassing sign . The car after the road of puddles was another story . But despite the fact that the bumper would probably break off at the next dragonfly to whiz by ( where we had to make another left , by the way ) , I knew it would be ok . Men here can fix broken engines with bubblegum and bottle caps . " Na peek - neek " suggests a one day leisurely picnic somewhere without sleeping overnight in a tent . But we slept in a tent ( for THREE nights ) and didn 't have a toilet or a shower . In our tent we sat and slept through two very scary rainstorms and in another tent a couple 's cat peed twice on their blankets . During our meals bugs took baths in and had parties on all of our food . In the back of my mind were my mother 's words " … aaaaand why do people do this ? " Something she says when people participate in rugged / comfort - threatening activies , or things that involve pets … or Cool Whip . But really it wasn 't all bad . As I mentioned in my last post , Russians seem to be more intuned with nature and their naturalness in the nature made my long ago nature - y experiences come back . And although by the last day all of us were counting down the hours left of this , and I am quoting one of the girls , ' torture ' ( insert Mama : “… . aaaand why … " ) , all in all it was a fun experience … ahem , an experience . We ( and by we I mean the others ) prepared the fresh fish from the neighbors in a smoker ( delicious ) . And also in Uha , a fish soup , over the camp fire ( also pretty tasty ) . I tried new flavors like smoked lard ( I probably won 't eat that again ) , dried fish ( interesting ) , and caviar from the fish that was prepared in the soup ( weird , but good ) . Looking back now I would probably go " na pohode / kemping / na peekneek " again , but with a toilet and a shower . And a bed . And a kitchen . And a house . Almost Out For the Rest of Summer You know how when you finally decide to quit a job that is making you miserable , the last few days will inevitably seem so easy and fun . Almost enough to make you want to stay . The clients , boss or coworkers you wanted to strangle are suddenly interesting and make you laugh as opposed to make you want to jump out the window . Or as the excitement of the end of the school year approaches you suddenly like your teacher / professor 's lame jokes and are enjoying the class immensely . You become desperate to learn more and fear you will forget everything . Of course I am not saying that we are miserable in Moscow , but I think Andrei and I are itching to get home for a bit . The heaviness one feels sometimes from living here is getting to us . And of course we miss our families . But now that our days are coming to an end , I am suddenly not ready to go . A large didn 't - do list swims in my head ( much to my husband 's dismay ) and makes me anxious . Places we didn 't visit , people we didn 't call or see , restaurants we didn 't try , churches we didn 't attend . And of course after looking everywhere for Frank 's Hot Sauce or an acceptable alternative ( Tabasco doesn 't really do the trick ) , I find one just a few weeks before our departure ( a week from today ! ) . My husband is obsessed with buffalo wings and at a loss of what to get him for his birthday ( I am usually really good at gift selection ) I decided to go on a full blown hot sauce search . And there it was on a shelf in a nearby grocery store - Red Devil Cayenne Pepper Sauce . How had I not noticed it before ? Before all those countless let - downs at multiple restaurants with buffalo wings on their menu . “… but maybe THIS place does it right , " we would say to convince ourselves we had to order them again . I googled Red Devil and indeed someone compared it to Frank 's . So I made a dinner of some of Andy 's favorites for his birthday . I had to do it a couple weeks early since his birthday was during lent ( yes , yes … another one is currently taking place ) . We have a fryer at home ( one of my better gift ideas ) and the grocery stores sell the correct size wingette things , but here I had to make a few compromises ( regular size wings because I was too lazy to cut them , baked in oven ) . They still turned out pretty good . Enough that Andrei started feeling sad about leaving Moscow too . Now that we could have our beloved chicken wings here . Andrei and I have perfected buffalo wing - making for our taste . After they come out of our fryer , he tosses them in melted butter or margarine and then adds Frank 's sauce and vinegar . For this time around I just put the margarine and hot sauce in a saucepan together and added some vinegar . Then I tossed the sauce on the baked chicken wings ( which I had seasoned with salt and pepper before putting in the oven ) . I also made blue cheese dressing to go with the wings . If my mom wrote the 10 Commandments one of them would certainly be , " Thou shalt not use salad dressing from a bottle " . I remember the first time she came to visit us in New Jersey . I heard the fridge door open from the other room followed by , " Umm … WHAT is THAT ? ! " My heart stopped . I forgot to get rid of Andrei 's store - bought bottled Italian dressing ! At least that was the only time ( I hope ) that I have really disappointed my mother . And at least I really could blame Andrei , because that stuff was certainly not mine ! Nor were the squeeze bottle jam and BacOs that entered my house when my husband went grocery shopping on his own … the last time he went grocery shopping on his own . To make the blue cheese I just mix mostly sour cream , a little bit of PLAIN greek yogurt , mayo , a tiny bit of sugar and white vinegar , a dash of salt , garlic powder and pepper and lots and lots of crumbled blue cheese . Yes , it 's not the healthiest dressing , but it 's certainly better than what you are going to buy in the store . And it tastes SO much better too ( once you work out the ratios for yourself - be very careful with the yogurt and the vinegar , they ruin the taste the fastest ) . One of Andrei 's favorite dessert is brownies . I found this recipe and they came out really well ! The frosting on top is especially yummy . It 's funny , they tasted better with age kind of like a soup would . The next day they were even better than the first night we ate them ( which made them even more delicious for my volunteer group the next day - who liked the brownies a lot ! ) Another too little too late discovery was HP Sauce . It 's British and google search told me it 's sort of , but not really , comparable to A1 sauce , another one of Andy 's favorites that he misses from home . Apparently the Brits put it on EVERYTHING . It isn 't really the same as A1 , but it has the same ingredients . So I bought it to surprise him with a steak dinner . I have to admit that I feel a little guilty about my last post because I am really going to miss Moscow until we hopefully return in the Fall . And perhaps some of the checklist was a little harsh . There is a lot that Russia could teach America ( if my hater - of - everything - not - USA brother is reading this , he just fell backwards in his chair ) . My friend shared an article with me and though I may not agree with everything , it does make some good points . I agree that Russians are more intune with nature ( more < sort of > on this in my next post ) , and know how to rest their soul and their bodies . And although there are PLENTY of people here who seem to only care about clothes and cars , outside the borders of the city center there are many more humble , kind and spiritual people . So we will miss that . I will miss my new friends that welcomed me so open heartedly . I will miss being forced to speak Russian . I will miss sometimes hearing church bells on Sundays and being able to buy pelmeni , borsht , sirki , and piroshki anywhere and in extensive variety . I will miss the incredible church services , all the onion domes peeking out above the buildings , and my dear dear volunteer group . A few months away from them will feel like eternity . I will even miss the few homeless men who have proposed to me , and the one who always remembers my name and that I am from the US . And I might even miss the mean check out ladies at the store that really scare me . If you are a man - deodorant and showering is optional for you . Only ride the metro if you have NOT put on deodorant or a fresh shirt . Also you should carry a man purse . Tomato and Onion Seduction As spring settles in , many restaurants along our street ( Noviy Arbat ) and others , set up their outdoor seating . Some restaurants go for a canopy hanging over simple tables and chairs , others have a full blown construction site outside their front door and produce gorgeous decks with heating lamps , blankets , exotic flower pots , etc . Regardless , I love outdoor seating . It is one of my favorite things about sunny and warm weather . We went to the restaurant Ristoran Barashka on Noviy Arbat - we had gone there before in the winter . I was seduced by their new outdoor seating area ( this happens often ) and insisted that we go there immediately . Their menu has typical ' restaurant in Russia ' items like shashlik and borsht , etc . They also have lots of stuff with lamb ( obvi - barashka is lamb ) like these amazing cabbage leaves ( golubtsi ) stuffed with lamb meat . This time I opted for rabbit kotleti ( which are like oversized Russian meatballs ) . My husband had chicken shashlik . Both were delicious . A table across the seating area had ordered a salad of tomatoes and grilled onions . I eyed it as soon as the waiter put it down in front of them . My vision when looking at things that are far away is not that great . I really should wear my glasses or contacts more , but I can spot pretty looking food from great distances ( also pretty tablecloths , sales at Sur La Table , and giraffe print stuff ) . Anyway , I was mesmerized . The colors of the salad were gorgeous - bright tomato - y red and onion - y purple jumping off the white plate . I could only imagine how simple , light and amazing it tasted . Along with mushrooms and potatoes , I love onions ( just not raw ) . Already too stuffed from our own meal I vowed right then and there to make this dish at home . It was dramatic , but very important . I kept staring at the table . They probably thought I was nuts . But it was just about the tomatoes and onions and not them . I wonder if that makes it weirder ? If anything I would just say I 'm American . Which is my excuse for all awkward moments abroad . Before , I used to think this was a bad thing . Americans are loud , obnoxious and ridiculous , right ? At least that 's what we were told they thought . And you could tell by their attitude that they did . So you never wanted to admit you were American . Then people loved Americans and we all had celebrity status when traveling … and now we just meddle in everything , I guess ( my knowledge of politics and history certainly doesn 't help the ' Americans are stupid ' stereotype ) so they don 't like us again . But as the guy at the table to the right of us was self - righteously barking orders at everyone and the women to the left of us were scowling at everything , including the innocent pepper shaker , I couldn 't help thinking how nice we Americans are . Now , as a former waitress of many years , maybe I am an exception , but a restaurant really has to mess up a lot for me to get super angry or annoyed . I understand that things can happen at the worst times and I understand the stress that a server might feel when something is taking too long in the kitchen or they forgot to leave out pickles , or you forgot to bring someone 's water , or someone ordered something that the kitchen , unbeknownst to you , JUST ran out of . Or you accidentally swiped the same card twice on a split bill . Or the server coming in after you just called out and you have to stay . Great servers make mistakes and really good restaurants can have an off night . It 's life . Anyway , that night ( I can 't remember if it was night or day because it stays so light out until about 10pm ) happened to be a bad night for that particular restaurant . The weather was nice and we were enjoying the sunshine as the world passed us by on Noviy Arbat so I was already in a fabulous mood . I could wait all day for my meal . It certainly felt like I did . But I was happy doing so . Smiling , being pleasant with the servers , enjoying the moment . It gave Andrei extra time to check out Twitter and sports scores on his iPhone - so we were both set . The people around us though should have just taken a raincheck and stayed home . Guy on our left was really peeved that the hookah specialist hadn 't come up to him for 20 minutes . I wouldn 't come up to him either since he was yapping on his cell phone for that entire 20min and wouldn 't stop if any restaurant person approached him . Then he felt he had waited too long to get his hookah . Then they couldn 't bring the beer fast enough . Then he could only pay with cash ( and he wanted to pay with credit card ) and I was ready for my beatiful outdoor setting to come crashing down on our heads . Not only does he have to complain to them like crazy , he gets back on his cell phone to tell his friend about it . And he is loud and it is incredibly irritating . The following night I re - created the tomato onion salad and it turned out great . The flavor combination of the tart tomatoes and the sweet ( and in some places a little charred ) onions just really hit the spot . It was really simple to make too . I tossed sliced red onions ( I later used white , which also worked well , but I think red is better ) in some olive oil , balsamic vinegar , and a pinch of brown sugar . Then I spread them out on a lined sheet pan . I put them in a very hot oven and just kept track of them , so they wouldn 't burn . Somewhere in there I gave them a turn so they could roast a bit on the other side . While they were roasting I cut up some plum tomatoes ( the ones here importated from Holland are so good ! ! I normally don 't prefer plum tomatoes . Early girls from California would also be amazing probably ) and sprinkled them with salt to let them sit and release their flavors . Once the onions were done I added them to the tomatoes and tossed with a tiny bit more olive oil , salt and pepper . And that 's it . Such a simple dish that is so rich in flavors ! With the salad I served my very quick spaghetti alfredo . Basically I cook the pasta as per usual . Then I drain it , reserving some of the liquid and put it back on very low heat . Add a bit of butter , cream , and parm cheese and mix . Cracked pepper on top adds a lovely touch . I also prepared some simple and tender chicken thighs to go with the rest of the meal . I seasoned the chicken thighs , seared them on a frying pan and them put them into a pot with simmering broth until they are done ( maybe about 20min ? - they stay pretty tender so even if you go over you 'll be fine ) . I normally like to add some fresh herbs to the pot and maybe some white wine . I didn 't have either , but I had some leftover lemons so I sliced those and through them in . It really added some depth to the flavor . The Most Expensive Chocolate Chip Cookies I Ever Made One of the reasons I went ahead and bought the electric hand mixer to bake kulich was because I figured I could then make chocolate chip cookies and other mixer required recipes after . Recipes I couldn 't really do before because I was having an inner battle with myself over whether it was really worth it to go out and buy one I would only be using temporarily . The thought of trying to mix the kulich dough by hand in a very weak plastic bowl ( the only big one I could find ) was overwhelming so I gave in and bought the mixer ( It was all of $ 12 - I 'm not really sure what my problem was . Maybe it 's that I am used to having more cabinet space and I hate extra things on the counters ) . I was excited for the baking doors it would open afterwards . Well , If you read my post about kulich you will know that my mixer did not survive ( duh , because it was $ 12 ) . Determined to make an American classic for my volunteer group , but not planning to go back to Ashan that week , I googled ' How to Make Chocolate Chip Cookies Without a Mixer ' and found a recipe on the website / blog ( ? ) theKitchn . Which is one of those websites / blogs ( ? ) that make you want to be cooler / change your whole life so you try commenting on it and usually end up sounding more lame . I opted to Tweet instead , but that didn 't produce any earth shattering changes , fame , or even a retweet … oh , well . I 'm bad at Twitter and worse at Pininterest , anyway . I was pretty excited about the recipe . Maybe I don 't even need the mixer after all ! ! … Psh , of course I 'll get it anyway . I was so good at talking myself out of it and then I got a taste of having one again . So Problem # 1 happened while collecting ingredients . Brown sugar in most stores here is what at home we call raw sugar . So , not brown sugar . I finally found some in the fancy store across the street . It came out to about $ 7 . 50 for 1lb . These have now become very fancy cookies . Next , I was unable to find vanilla extract . I probably should have just bought a vanilla bean since I didn 't know how to replace the extract with vanilla sugar , vanilla powdered sugar , vanillin , and every other vanilla option on the planet that these stores carry besides extract . I opted for just skipping it all together . Hold your gasps , the cookie flavor was actually fine ! The other apparently exotic item in Moscow is chocolate chips . I have seen them once . In a tiny little packet around kulich baking time - and then they disappeared forever . Fine , I can chop chocolate bars into little chunks . Makes them even more homemade in my book ! After all was said and done I got about 7 oz of chocolate chips for almost $ 4 . That 's more than the cost of chocolate chips at home ( where Nestle Tollhouse might cost about $ 3 . 59 for 12oz ) . So now these have become the Most Expensive Chocolate Chip Cookies I Ever Made . This is how I followed the recipe ( including the way I have to measure my ingredients in Moscow ) , but you can use the link I posted before for the original recipe : First mix 12 tbsp of granulated sugar and 12 tbsp of brown sugar until well combined . Smush out any clumps . In globs add / mix in the 114 ( ish ) grams of softened butter ( Here I got inspired and distracted by the idea of compound butter and daydreamed about what other ingredients I could make it with ) . Taste test a bunch of the butter / sugar mixture … I mean , what ? Add the two eggs one at a time , lightly beating the egg with a whisk ( in the bowl but off to the side ) first . Telepathically add some vanilla extract and hope that works . Add 1 tsp of salt and 1 tsp of baking soda ( Sigh of relief that I needed baking soda because there doesn 't seem to be baking powder in any store either ) . Mix this well . Add all 36 tbsp of flour at one time ( try not to lose count ) . Carefully mix the dough as few times as possible until there is no flour visible in the dough or anywhere on the bowl . Fold in 200 grams of homemade chocolate chunks . Next is the part that inexplicably makes me so irritated … roll tablespoons of dough and space them out on a lined or greased baking sheet about 2 inches apart . I can 't stand this part and sometimes resort to spreading the mixture out in the baking sheet and just cutting it into Chocolate Chip Cookie Bars after baking . I can 't be the only one who has this revulsion because the cookie bars are actually an alternative option on the back of the Nestle Tollhouse chocolate chips package . I am not really sure what makes me so annoyed . I love cooking and baking and I like cookies . I 'm assuming it 's because not many globs of dough fit on the baking sheet when you space them out so outrageously far ( why 2 inches , Recipe , why ? ! ) so you have to bake so many batches . And you have to wait for the cookies and baking sheet to cool before you can roll out another set . Yes , I am starting to realize how insane and impatient I must sound . I decided to selflessly put myself through the torture of scooping and rolling because I wanted the volunteers to have chocolate chips cookies . Also I could lick any of the batter that sticks off of my fingers and the spoon … I mean … what ? I stubbornly only spaced them out like an inch and a half though . Barely . And fully expected to get a big cookie blob in the end . But I didn 't . The cookies came out brilliant . The first ( top rack ) tray came out amazing . They even had a store bought shape to them . ( Oh , I baked at 190 ( ish ) ° C for 10 ( ish ) minutes ) . I stared at them in awe . Fascinated that the best ' American - classic ' cookies I ever baked were in Moscow . With no vanilla . And less than 2 - inches of separation ! Now , we won 't talk about the other trays that accidentally stayed in the oven too long . It 's crazy how fast cookies go from golden brown to charcoal ( usually this happens in the 5 seconds that it takes me to nonsensically set the timer for just 1 more minute - the third time ) . I ALWAYS second guess and take out the cookies just a tad too late . This recipe has a great tip though - take the cookies out of the oven when the sides are set and the tops are dry to the touch . This really helps as my overbaked ones weren 't as bad as usual . In fact , they were fine . Just a little crunchier . And the beauty of it all was that I was serving the cookies to a group of people that aren 't familiar with them . So how would they know , really ? I made them the following week again and their doneness was even better . The second time I added a tiny bit of cinnamon ( still no vanilla ) and mixed dark and milk * homemade * chocolate chunks . Yum . The cookies were all eaten . When Andrei and I arrived in Moscow after a ten day trip in Jersey it was a couple of days before ( Orthodox ) Palm Sunday . We popped into the grocery store to grab some essentials and were excited to find a bunch of Easter stuff - egg dye , chocolates with XB ( Hristos Voskrese = Christ is Risen ) written on them , faux ( but beautiful ) pussywillow branches and shrink wrap egg decorations that were either spring - y or religious - y . We went a little crazy and bought a bunch of the egg decorations / dyes . I was excited to see some all - natural dyes that were made from greens , carrots , beets etc ( Don 't worry Sis , I grabbed an extra container or two for you ) . It was fun to see Easter stuff that reflected the religious aspect of this holiday ( Christ 's Resurrection ) as opposed to in the States where , as my aunt pointed out , next to the Passover / Sader books , you have a Peter Rabbit display . Nothing crazy fancy was done with the eggs . I tried sticking sprigs of parsley on them for some special design elements , but that did not work out at all and was quickly given up . Unfortunately the green dye in the box we opened was a little funky . Too bad because that 's my favorite color . Although our orange ones came out gorgeous ! We had white and brown eggs so we were able to get two different shades from each dye . Andrei was in charge of the shrink wrap eggs . I think he was into helping me decorate , but I sort of made it mandatory since I felt like I would be too lonely doing it on my own . He claimed to be an expert and veteran at the shrink wrap method ( basically you put this decorated sheet of plastic over the egg and hold it in steam and it shrink wraps around the egg ) , but none of them came out . I 'll let him blame the Russian eggs ( they come in cartons of 10 and some still have feathers on them , so that 's enough to unsettle anyone ) . I think I like dyed eggs more , but I 'm glad we did the shrink wrap too . The first time I tried doing shrink wrap was for Easter 2008 . That year , while I was standing over the steam messing up every single egg ( it 's much harder than you think ) , Andrei walked into my parents ' kitchen . He had flown in from the East Coast for a surprise visit for Easter . He later proposed after the Easter night services . So as funny as it may sound , shrink wrapping eggs is what I was doing the moment my entire life changed . Easter is an incredibly important and special time for any Orthodox Christian and Andrei made it even more so with such a happy memory . Only days before that I was guided by my spiritual father to pray to St . John of Shanghai and San Francisco ( whose relics are in the cathedral in San Francisco ) to help me find my next steps in life . My graduation from Boston University was approaching and I was getting that slightly nervous / clueless feeling of what I was supposed to do after . Standing by the Saint 's relics , I did as instructed and felt more at ease . Four days later , Andrei was kneeling in front of me with a ring and I had my answer . Easter in Russia is pretty much the same as Easter at home . Just … more . More people , more services , more red . Everything was red . At home the clergy serves in white . Here it 's red . Candles are red . Flowers are red . Women 's scarves are red . It 's SO red . And very beautiful . We were lucky to attend services at St . Tatiana 's church at the Moscow State University campus near the Kremlin . The main priest there knows us by name so we felt very at home . Which is nice , because you want to feel at home if you are away from home on Easter . A week after Easter , in answer to recent vandalism and riots againts the Church , Patriarch Kyrill called for a service in defence of the Russian Orthodox Faith . 65 , 000 people showed up and filled the streets in front of the Christ the Saviour Cathedral in Moscow . Andrei and I being two of them . Before heading out Andrei had asked , " Do you think we should get there really early ? " We had no idea what to expect . The answer was yes . Most of the people had gathered by the time we got there and it was packed . But we peacefully stood on the outskirts of the crowd and watched the service , which was held primarily outside , on a jumbo screen . I don 't even think I have the right words to describe how blessed I feel that we were able to be a part of this . The happiness that exploded out of us as we joined 65 THOUSAND people in exclaiming " Christ is Risen ! Truly He is Risen ! " and recited the Symbol of Faith . The joy still lingers on and goosebumps visit my arms every once in a while when I remember some moment from that day . Despite my lapses of laziness , God continues to bring me these amazing experiences . This one came with a renewed and strengthened confidence in our faith . I hope to be back in Burlingame for Easter next year , but if I am not , a piece of my heart will be there anyway . And a piece will be in Jerusalem and a piece will be in Moscow . And a piece will say yes all over again to the man of my dreams . Easter : Part II For some reason I decided to make sirnaya pascha ( think cheesecake filling , but maybe a little less sweet ) the same day as I made the kulich . I felt like I was on a pretty good roll , so why not just whip it up ? Right , Olya , because it can be ' whipped right up ' . My excuse is that I was a rookie at sirnaya pascha so I had no idea - even though the recipe told me everything that was involved before hand . It 's not like it was hiding anything . First you squeeze 2 . 8 kilograms ( roughly 6 pounds ) of farmer 's cheese through a fine mesh seive and set aside . Psh , who needs pilates this week ? - this was a serious arm workout . And I almost had to bury my new sieve next to my new mixer in my quickly growing kitchen appliance graveyard . I was dorkily excited to buy the farmer 's cheese at a regular grocery store in Moscow . I kind of splurged on it as there were cheaper brands available - I had overheard a woman in the store ask a salesperson where their ' amazing farmer 's cheese ' was so I really wanted to use it . Plus it looked like it was packaged and sent over from a farm . I just couldn 't resist . It came in little packages of anywhere from an inconsistent 264 to 311 grams so I may or may not have looked super silly standing there for 20 minutes with my cell phone calculater trying to gather the exact amount I needed over several pre - packaged containers 🙂 ( Does anyone have a simpler way to do that , by the way ? ? ) Anyway , with the ' sifted ' cheese to the side , separate 10 egg yolks into a metal bowl ( or double boiler ) , add a 1 / 2 cup of milk , 2 cups of sugar and one packet of vanilla sugar . Now , I wanted to use fresh vanilla beans so I opted to just replace regular sugar for the vanilla sugar . Having seen different sizes of packets of vanilla sugar , I wasn 't really sure how much regular sugar to substitute . I don 't think I put enough because the result was not as sweet as I would have liked . The yolk , milk and sugar mixture gets heated over a pot of simmering water . You must stir constantly ( and avoid making scrambled eggs ) until the mixture becomes a thick cream . Take it off the heat and add 400 grams ( or a little over 4 sticks ) of butter that have been cut into cubes . Mix until the butter melts , and let it cool . Add the milk - egg - sugar cream and 1 cup of heavy whipping cream to the farmer 's cheese and mix it very well . The recipe suggests using a blender . Probably even an immersion blender would work . I have neither so I got another bonus arm workout . Add some grated lemon zest . I used a vegetable peeler and a knife , which was fine , but it made me sincerely miss my microplane zester . Seriously , I miss it … like number one after family and friends . Some forms come with pegs that will hold it over a bowl to drain . Mine didn 't , so I put one in a pasta strainer over a bowl and the other in my mesh seive over another bowl . If you can , add some kind of weight on top - I stacked a couple plates on each . They should drain for 12 hours or more in the fridge . Then you can flip it over and take it out of the form . If you don 't have a form at all , you can just put it in a bowl and let it set in the fridge . The XB on the side of mine ( and most ) stands for " Hristos Voskrese " , which is " Christ is Risen ! " To which one would answer , " Truly He is Risen ! " My sister and I always had a theory that if you eat ice - cream in a giant spoonful , taken right out of the carton , without using a bowl , then the calories and fat do not count . It used to drive my brother absolutely insane . Not even sure why - it 's not like sticky drops of something on the floor by the refridgerator were uncommon in our house . In any case , I have chosen to apply this theory to eating sirnaya pascha as well . So skip the bowl and you 'll skip the calories too . Easter : Part I April 15th this year was Russian Orthodox Easter . And we got to be in Moscow . It was a tremendous blessing really , especially since last year we were in Jerusalem . Two years in a row spending Easter somewhere meaningful - Jerusalem because that 's were everything happened , and Moscow because you are celebrating with a good chunk of the city / country . I do have to admit that it was still a little sad to be away from Burlingame , where I grew up . Every priest kid ( PK ) will say this because being where your dad is serving on Easter is always special . I shouldn 't really say that Burlingame is the best place to be on Easter , but … let 's be honest , it is . When we got married the fine print stated that since I was moving to New Jersey every Easter would be spent in California ( life permitting ) . I was happy to make an exception for Jerusalem and Moscow . Last year we were staying in a hotel so I couldn 't make the traditional Easter fare - Kulich ( Easter bread ) and Sirnaya Pascha ( a caloric bomb of happiness made with farmer 's cheese and lots of sugar and eggs - kind of similar to cheesecake filling ) . This year , abroad but equipped with a kitchen , I didn 't want to miss out . I actually had never made sirnaya pascha before so why not now when I have access to all sorts of brands of farmer 's cheese just steps out my front door ( back home it 's not always easy to find the right kind ) . It would be very silly and careless of me to miss out on this opportunity . Especially since special sirnaya pascha forms were also on sale at the grocery store . I mean , we just don 't get that in the States . What kind of born - and - raised - in - America - but - considers - herself - Russian - so - please - stop - offering - me - the - English - menu Russian would I be if I didn 't do it ? Even if here you can also buy ready made kulich in almost every store , and even on the street ! For the kulich I used a simple recipe that my mom gave me the first year that I baked them on my own . That first year , I had my electric stand mixer mixing the dough as I cleaned up . Everything felt like a breeze . And there was only one dough rising . I know some people follow recipes that require several dough risings and strenuous attention to detail . I felt guilty that I was gliding across my kitchen in ease as I imagined in other kitchens there were women / men biting their nails in anxiety , sweating in overly heated houses and locking their kids in closests so as not to disturb the dough . Oh the horror those children must have felt when a ball they were secretly playing with went rolling down the stairs . In the end my kulich were only ok . The next year I used a more complicated recipe and again my kulich were only ok . Despite my mom 's culinary fame in parishes across the USA , Canada and beyond , she too has a kulich achilles heel . So I feel ok about it . This year was no different . I decided to use that simple recipe since my results are basically the same . The recipe involves making a sponge by dissolving about 2 packets of yeast in 1 1 / 2 cups warm milk adding 1 cup of flour , a tablespoon of sugar and letting that rise until it 's bubbly ( about 30min ) . Then you beat 12 egg yolks and 2 egg whites until light and creamy , add 1 1 / 2 teaspoons of cardamom , 1 / 2 teaspoon of nutmeg , some fresh vanilla , saffron that has been steeped in vodka or brandy , and lemon zest . Next add the sponge , 2 sticks of melted butter , and 2 lbs of flour . I only have measuring spoons for measuring out ingredients according to American recipes . I used to psych myself out and re - count 7 cups of an ingredient , afraid I messed up the amount . Now I have to count out 16 tablespoons for each cup … it can get a little confusing . I bought a measuring cup here , but of course it 's marked with grams . Which is a little annoying , because it only has sugar and flour on it really . So it would be better to have a kitchen scale . I have been managing with the conversions though - no serious mishaps yet ( knock on wood ) ! Knead / mix the dough until it doesn 't stick anymore . I grew up in an age I will call BSM - Before Stand Mixer . Kneading the kulich dough with my mom was a crazy job . We would have a huge tub of dough balancing on a kitchen bar stool , the furniture around us dusted in flour , my sister , mom and I taking turns dunking our hands in the super sticky mass . When you tried pulling your hands out , the tub would lift up off the stool . It was messy and time consuming , but it was fun . When the stand mixer came , everything changed - except the kitchen was still covered in flour ( This was a Pavlenko kitchen , afterall ) . That 's why when I first did this recipe on my own it was also so easy , having the mixer work on the dough while you prepare the next steps or wipe up the layer of flour on your counters . But I look back fondly on bonding over a tub of sticky kulich dough . I bought a hand mixer this year to help out . It came with dough hooks so I was pretty confident . Well , I killed it . RIP hand mixer . At this point you can add raisins too , but I really prefer kulich without them . Just like I don 't like raisins in my zhavoranki . Andrei likes raisins in kulich . Same situation goes for sirnaya pascha too - Andrei is for , I am against . I think spring time for us should just be called The Raisin Troubles . Sometimes I will do part of the kulich batch with raisins to be a better wife , but this year I didn 't . … Divide the dough into your kulich forms ( about 1 / 3 of the way up ) . Now , in the States we usually use old food / coffee cans lined with parchment paper or foil . The new kulich trend that is quickly spreading across Russian Orthodox America is to use glass beakers - the chemistry kind that can withstand high heat . These are great because you just have to grease the beakers , you can see the dough through them , and they make smooth edges ( I plan to do this the next year I bake kulich at home ) . With aluminum you have those ripples which will sometimes bake into the side of the kulich . Some reporter one time did a piece on Orthodox Easter traditions and tried to explain a special meaning for the ripples in the sides of the kulich . Unfortunately , he was mistaken . The only things those ripples represent is how many bowls of tomato soup or cups of coffee that family had to get through before they had a working kulich form . Anyway , I bought kulich forms in Ashan - because I can ! 🙂 Greased and floured them , divided the dough into them and then covered them in a makeshift kulich incubator by a heater and let them rise for about an hour and a half . And they did rise so that was very exciting . Then you bake them at 350F for about 45 minutes to an hour . I overbaked mine a little . They still came out good , but a bit dry and crumby ( as in it would fall apart into crumbs , not crummy , as in they sucked ) . They weren 't as dense as most kulich . But we are still happily eating leftovers so I think we 're ok . To decorate , I usually just make a quick royal icing with powdered sugar , a bit of lemon juice and some water . Then pour it on the kulich and add sprinkles . For some reason my royal icing was coming out way too thin . I really think it was the sugar and not me , but who knows : ) . I went out once to get more sugar and try again , but then I gave up . So we had glazed kulich instead of iced . I like the big gold sprinkles I found . The Adjustment Period I am the type of person that will attempt to grab all the grocery bags out of the car , despite their weight or number , and carry them up the stairs to the front door , risking breaking everything ( and incurring a possible dreaded extra visit to the West Orange Shop Rite ) just to avoid taking more than one trip . Even though it would be so much simpler ( and safer ) to just take two trips . Or gasp … even three . I think this all began when my spoiled little self had one chore growing up : after my mom would pick up everyone 's abandoned items downstairs and place them on the staircase , I had to deliver them to each individual 's room on the second floor . To cut my chore duty time in half , I would try to do this all in one shot . I would throw on any jackets , put on my brother 's hats , drape my sister 's clothes over my arms , all while balancing stacks of my mother 's food magazines and my father 's thirty seventh all - in - one mini tool set from Walgreens . I remember being pretty good at this ; however , I also have distinct memories of being yelled at after tiny screwdrivers and wrenches that turn into nail clippers would inevitably come tumbling down the stairs . The one good thing about this is it was practice for apartment living . I don 't really have the comfortable option of two short trips from my car to the front door since my only choice really is to drag all the bags at once for several metro stops and a good 30 minutes total of walking on the street . Sure I could hail a gypsy cab , but what 's the fun in that ? For some reason I choose to nervously reach for my key while holding two slipping bags on my shaky and sweaty pinky ( not sure why I can 't put the bag down in the hallway , but just go with it ) , praying I don 't drop the one with the carton of eggs in it and crack them all . Yes , that has happened . I wouldn 't be a Pavlenko if it didn 't … Flash back to several trips to the grocery store : my mom holding an empty container on top of 7 others in her hand . Around her , salad , dressing , or blueberries spread ( or bounce ) across the entire produce aisle while my mother quietly , but forcefully , tells me to ' just turn around , and walk away ' . I think I 'm starting to understand where I get this from … … I am letting myself get distracted . The point here is that this little habit has at least eased me into one of the adjustments of apartment living in Moscow . Really having to carry your groceries in one shot . But please , I 'm a pro . Just ignore the coffee dripping down my hair and into my face . Yes , that has happened too . The harder change for me was mastering shoe removal upon entering the apartment . In the beginning I was tripping over groceries and overheating in my coat ( when does that come off ? ? ) while balancing on the tiny entrance rug , afraid to step off until I took of my shoes . Russians From Russia ( RFR ) , will take their shoes off upon entering their or a friend 's apartment . It makes sense since Moscow is a very dirty city , but it raised so many questions for me I kind of stressed myself out . Do I need to provide slippers for guests ? Will they understand we are here temporarily and don 't have extra slippers ? Should I bring my own slippers to a friend 's apartment ? - or would BYOS have been on the Facebook invite ? What happens if I didn 't bring my own slippers and the ones they have are too small ? Do I still wear them ? And if I stretch them out ? Make them smell ? A lovely change is how great RFRs think our Russian is . They are fascinated that we speak any at all since we weren 't born here , didn 't live here before , and grew up in the States . And our parents weren 't even born in Russia / nearby ( except Andrei 's dad ) . So I speak more confidently even though I know I am making mistakes . Because it 's a wonder I speak any Russian at all . But when I return home or talk to Russians Like Me ( RLM ) I revert immediately back to English . Because I feel like my Russian to them is much less impressive . Silly . But it 's the truth . I think my Russian has been getting a tiny bit better . The accents here can sometimes be hard to understand . Or people also just talk really fast . I am taking pilates and the instructor speaks pretty quickly . It 's funny though because even in American fitness classes the instructor could be screaming , ' Bend your knee ! ' in your face and you will still be staring at your very stretched out and straightened knee trying to figure out what to do . But anyway , for the whole first class I kept thinking she was randomly saying toilet . Pelvis in Russian is taz . A toilet bowl / toilet in Russian is oonitaz . When she would say to stand pelvis width apart , the combination of her sentence really sounded like oonitaz . Made for a confusing first pilates class . Another difficulty , which sometimes happens to me in New Jersey or mostly in New York City , is not being able to find a lot of things in one grocery store . I feel it more here though . And the stores in the city center , of even Ashan , won 't always carry the same thing , even the next day . There seems to be less consistency . So , I recently went to four grocery stores in one day in preparation for making traditional Easter ( and one more lenten ) sweets . Not sure if either store would carry all the spices I need , I picked up any that I saw along the way at each grocery store visit . When I got to the last place on my agenda , I still needed cardamom . I found it . It came in a convenient combo pack with the other spices I had already bought seperately . So if you need ground cinnamon or ground nutmeg … I have plenty to give away . Because of all the prep for Easter and church services taking place during this last week of our Great Lent ( hello , WHERE did the time go ? ! ) , our meals won 't be very creative this week . Plus I 'm too exhausted from my full day spice hunt to come up with some brilliant dishes to close out this lenten season ( no worries though , another lent is lurking just around the corner ) . So it 's soup , spaghetti , leftover soup , and more spaghetti on the schedule . But I 'll very quickly share a meal I made ( that I thought tasted pretty fabulous ) from before our short trip to New Jersey . Judging by the busy week ahead , I don 't think I will be able to work this into another post before Lent ends , and I wanted to get it out there . Maybe someone sick of spaghetti and shrimp can use this ( you know , since you would never dare to eat this outside of a lent 😉 ) . A little twist on my mushroom patties : For two sandwiches : Boil a medium size beet until tender ( or buy pre - boiled beets ) . Meanwhile , dice 1 - 2 tomotoes . Toss in a bowl with 1 chopped garlic clove , fresh chopped basil , olive oil , white balsamic , salt / pepper to taste . Set aside and let the flavors soak . Chop about 3 / 4 lb of mushrooms ( large slices of portobello would probably also work every well ) . Saute them until tender and liquid has evaporated . While they are still warm , season with salt / pepper and mix in some lenten mayo ( I do try not to rely on fake this and that , but the lenten mayo in Moscow is actually quite delicious ) . Spread some of the mayo plus dijon mustard on one or both sides of some bread , preferably a baguette . Top with the mushrooms then the tomatoes and greens of your choice . For the salad : Make a dressing with olive oil , lemon juice , a splash of white balsamic , salt / pepper . Toss two handfuls of arugula with some of the dressing , reserving the rest of the dressing . Remove peel and pith from one orange and one blood orange carefully with a knife along curves of the fruit - keeping it intact . Slice crosswise . Peel and slice the beet . Top bed of dressed arugula with orange and beet slices , and some black olives . Drizzle remaining dressing ( to taste ) .
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1 . After only two weeks , I can sleep on my stomach . It takes a little gentle maneuvering to get to that position , but I am one happy sleeper . 3 . I received the hospital bills for my two surgeries which totaled over $ 18 , 000 ! My out of pocket expense was $ 150 - a $ 75 co - pay for each surgery . And I paid nothing for the 12 + weekly doctor visits for the consult , weekly expansions , and follow up . I am extremely grateful that I have wonderful health insurance , which I have never paid a dime into and will be covered by my employer for the rest of my life . It is a luxury I know very few people have . 4 . Babysitting our 16 month old grand niece over night . Is there is anything more amazing than falling asleep , nuzzling the smell of a freshly bathed baby ? I was going to title this post " Spring Cleaning " and talk about how I plan to clean up my head and body and get stronger . But I realized that this project will be much more than a spring cleaning . I need a complete overhaul . . 2 1 / 2 years of a 5 year course of estrogen killing meds which has taken a huge toll on my bones . In the past few years I have also taken some huge emotional hits . My mother died . Two beloved friends were taken tragically and long before their time . My therapist / friend / savior died unexpectedly . My children went off to college . My world has gotten much smaller . I feel like I 've aged 20 years in the last three . I am tired and slow and have allowed myself to feel physically and mentally old . I have made excuses and not done what I know I could have / should have done . I have sometimes felt sorry for myself . I have become soft and flabby . I have allowed Martha to take on more than her fair share . I can 't remember the last time I 've been backpacking . I have not volunteered in quite awhile . I do very little socially . And I have become lazy . Very , very lazy . How did this become my default ? Right before my last surgery I got my bike back from it 's annual tune - up and asked Martha is she wanted to go for a ride . She responded " okay , but not one of your 100 mile , tortuous mountain rides . " At first I was flattered to think that she still thought I did 100 mile mountain rides . But then I felt sad that it wasn 't all that long ago that I was that fit enough to do them . I doubt I could do 10 miles now . I have tried in the past to get back in shape . And I would be successful . . . temporarily . And then I had yet another expansion or surgery that would put me back at square one . Friggin ' frustrating and disheartening . 1 . Both my girls home for Easter weekend . Without boyfriends . I do like their boyfriends , but it is so nice not to have to share my daughters when they are home . The time is coming soon enough . . . 2 . Spring has finally sprung ! Warm weather . Sun . Green grass . Buds on trees . Daffodils and tulips emerging . Of course the temps are going back down into the 30s this week but the short blast of warmth was enough to give everyone happy Spring fever . 3 . Secretary 's Week . My secretary and I have been together for 25 years . She and I are the entire department and together we have accomplished some pretty cool things . Besides the administrative stuff she takes care of , she is kind and compassionate and keeps me laughing . She always has my back and I am particularly grateful for her now that I am only working part time . I couldn 't have done this semi - retirement thing without her to hold down the fort . 4 . Martha , who has spent the week dispensing my meds , retrieving those things I could not reach , helping me shower and dress , and sleeping on the couch so her movement would not disturb my very fragile ability to sleep this week . She was totally against this reconstruction surgery from the start , yet she has been amazingly supportive and caring . I am one lucky girl . 5 . Steri strips and stitches removed today from the boobs and back . There were times this past week when I thought I would go insane from the itchiness of those things . The word grateful does not even come close to how I feel now that they are gone . Posted by I was a little bummed when the hospital called to tell me my surgery time was 12 : 45 , and to be there at 11 : 30 . I already have problems with nausea and dehydration so not being able to eat or drink since the night before , and then all morning , had me feeling very anxious . When I got dressed , I found yet another dime in my pocket . Being a skeptic , I accused Martha of putting it there , but she denies it , so maybe my mom was telling me that she would be with me . I woke up at 3 : 00 gently and without any problems . No anxiety , no triggers , no freaking out . So much different than my usual recovery experiences . It was amazingly relaxed . Then they put me in a chair and wheeled me to the next room and told me that they would go get Martha . But the first person in the room was Peachie who had driven 4 hours to surprise me . That girl does make me smile . Today , 48 hours later , I am sore and itchy but not in pain . I went to work for an hour , just to return phone calls . The tumor they took off my back was apparently deep in the muscle , so that is more sore than the my newly sliced open boobs . And I am tired . It is difficult to sleep when you 've had surgery on both your chest and back , but I can manage to find a moderately comfortable position to nap in . It 's only when I move that I wake myself up . Other than that , I am feeling great . It will take a few months for the new girls to settle in and be a more realistic shape , but I think I will be very happy . Especially because they have already made such a big difference in being able to wear clothes . into a more natural position in a few months . Next week the stitches will come out and then in 3 to 4 months , when everything settles , I will be re - evaluated to see if any adjustments need to be made . I am so glad this is over . 1 . My first retirement pension check . I can 't believe that this will now arrive in my checking account every month , for the rest of my life . It is a financial security I have never known . A whole room full of knotty pine wood that was removed for a Habitat for Humanity house . I have often worked with them and they asked if I wanted it . It will replace some old , dark paneling at the lake house . I really wasn 't looking for yet another project to do but sometimes these gifts just fall from the universe . I just rented 12 years a Slave . I purposely didn 't see it in the theater , knowing it would be much too intense for me on a large screen . I watched it at home , in small chunks , and left the room for many scences . I am proud to say the Solomon Northrup 's story begins in the late 1830s as a respected , free man in a town near where I live . It is where I spend a good deal of my summers . It is only when Solomon is transported to the south that he is treated inhumanely . And this started me thinking . Almost every story of slavery in the south shows not just the injustice of free labor . No , there is always the dominant white people ( men and women ) engaging in torture - rape , whippings , hanging , and often placing slaves in intolerable conditions . And this by people who would quote the Bible as their justification . I openly acknowledge my own personal bias against the south . When Daphne and I were attacked it was by men with southern accents . They were quite vocal about how our lesbian relationship was an abomination and sinful , while Daphne 's black skin gave them license to torture her . Lesbians and blacks were sinful according to them , but apparently rape and sadistic torture were not . I know of very few people , driving through the south with New York license plates , who have not been stopped and hassled for some bogus reason . A friend 's son spent one semester at Wake Forest before returning home because he couldn 't / wouldn 't tolerate the open racism by his dorm mates there . Any person I know who has gone south to work , has always come back . They are shocked by the open bigotry against blacks and gays . And while we have often taken winter vacations to the warm southern climate , it has always been gay friendly tourist places , filled with other " snowbirds " from the north . There is safety in numbers . I am not saying that all racists and homophobes live in the south nor am I saying that every southern person is a racist or homophobe . I am painfully aware that there are people everywhere who , for whatever reason , sadistically hurt people and / or animals and hate crimes occur everywhere . I 'm sure you can pick up a newspaper anywhere and find these stories . But when these incidents happen , the horrified community usually comes together and punishes the wrongdoer . There is some response and dangerous and sick people are removed from society . Not necessarily so in the south . Fast forward from the Civil War , 100 years to the civil rights movement . Again , horrific southern behavior toward blacks . I remember watching The Butler and the scene where young black people sat at a lunch counter and white Southerners came and taunted them , spit on them and finally began physical violence . Cruel behavior against blacks was acceptable . And was encouraged . How did an entire region not only turn a blind eye but accept such behavior ? How could anybody find this acceptable ? I find it very scary . Like Nazi Germany scary . Yet unlike the Holocaust , Southern racism has lasted generation after generation after generation . Oh yes , you 've got to be carefully taught . For a while I corresponded with woman from the south . She considered herself quite the liberal , progressive person . Yet most of her views and opinions that she thought were so very progressive are the viewpoints of the average person where I live . And even with her self given label " socialist for Jesus " , gay / black / poor micro aggressions always leaked out of her . She was white , straight , educated and religious and she never failed to let me know how superior she was . I don 't think she ever realized it . It was just her way of being in this world . Last year I drove through North Carolina and wrote a blog post about the bumper stickers I saw . Incredibly racist and homophobic sentiments were openly displayed . Gay rights ? Gays have the right to die . ( with bible verse I couldn 't read ) I don 't know - where I come from those bumper stickers , and possibly those vehicles , would have been removed . My daughter recently came back from Florida , very upset with the number of confederate flags openly displayed . " Aren 't people upset by that ? " she asked . I ask myself the same question but have no answers . I find it hard to believe that the majority of southerners still carry such bias , yet where is the outrage ? Where is the push back ? 12 years a Slave has gotten under my skin . I can 't comprehend how anyone thought the mistreatment of slaves was an appropriate practice . I cannot even stomach watching the recreated images on a screen . I can 't imagine witnessing it in person . I do not understand how a human could treat another living being the way these slaves were systematically treated . Or watch it happen . And with same mistreatment , and acceptance of such mistreatment continuing long into the 1960s and into today . That so many southerners seem to accept the racism and confederate flags and racist / homophobic bumper stickers , just totally escapes me . Perhaps they are so close to it they don 't even see it ? Is it a cultural thing I 'm missing ? I simply don 't understand how an entire region , and a highly religious region at that , could continue to condone and encourage these attitudes . Hank Aaron was recently quoted as saying " The difference is that back then they wore hoods . Now they wear neckties and starched shirts . " I find this very scary . I am proud to say the Solomon Northrup 's story begins as a respected , free man in a town near where I live . I wouldn 't want to live , or raise my children , in a place where it was any other way . Posted by The keynote speaker was introduced as a former judge , now a deacon in the Catholic Church . ( Beaner 's college was formally run by Catholic monks . It is no longer , but there is still a heavy Catholic influence there ) His theme was " always to the right thing " and he started talking about same - sex relationships . Martha and I held our breath . But it turns out that he was the New York State judge who first allowed a same - sex adoption and his ruling stood up to challenges and became law . He talked about how he knew it would hurt him in his religious community and in his run for re - election . But he knew it was the right thing to do . Oh yes , I shook that man 's hand afterward and thanked him . For all of us . Peachie and her BF drove 5 hours to try to get there for the ceremony , but were late . They showed up at the restaurant we took Beaner to and surprised her speechless . A perfect moment . Saturday was Beaner 's last dance recital . She has danced since she was 3 and joined this dance company at college . They give recitals twice a year , all proceeds going to children 's cancer research . So blessed to have healthy , vibrant kids who give back to those who aren 't as fortunate . Beaner 's best friend ( and my daughter from another mother ) drove 4 hours from her school to surprise Beaner and be at her last dance . Afterwards we , and a few of Beaner 's housemates , all went out to eat and I just sat back and watched my daughters and their friends laughing and joking and just being awesome . It is a wonderful thing when you can look at your kids and see that they are loved , are full of joy , and what fine people they have grown into . I had this vague look into the future knowing that they will be all right . And then there was Beaner 's text message afterward - I feel very blessed and I have you and mommy to thank for that . I love you both very much . I feel very blessed and have so many people to thank for that . And I love them all very much . They are , very intentionally , the first things I see in the morning . I used to carry this briefcase with me . All the time . I used to work . All the time . It was a time when I couldn 't face life . Or the world . Or people . I used my work to hide behind real life . I could easily lock myself in my office and ignore everyone and everything and work gave me an excuse to do that . I would bring my work home so that I didn 't have time for other things . All those things I was too afraid to face . Or deal with . All those things about myself I couldn 't even start to acknowledge . Work can be a wonderful drug for those who cannot deal with their life . And then I moved , and in the next 3 years , found an amazing therapist ( or more accurately , she found me ) met someone who loved me and started a family . And from the day my first daughter was born , I never carried that briefcase again . I wanted to live a whole and healthy life . And as for work - I often thought of that biblical message " give unto Caesar what is Caesar 's and unto god what is god 's . " When I was at work , 9 to 5 , I gave my all to it . But when I was with my family or friends , I was all theirs . And time to myself was all about self care . I knew a woman who would brag to me all the time about how much she worked . She was oh so busy and oh so important . 12 to 14 hours days . And not just during an occasional emergency or prep for an important conference . She would attend family reunions at a beach house and stay inside and work . Her mother visited from England , and she stayed inside and worked . She would brag about how she occasionally coordinated with White House staff who also worked 12 to 14 days and oh , they were all so very important . And she was so important for working with them and they were all so busy , busy busy . I would feel such sadness for her . I knew she was using work to avoid her own demons and to inflate her feelings of worth . Sadder still that I think she really believes in her own super importance . And saddest , she continues to drown in depression . No mystery there . I am fortunate that I recognized my avoidance addiction early on . Even more fortunate that I had a job that allowed me the flexibility to attend every one of my daughter 's special events and athletic games , volunteer and come and go at a moments notice if a friend needed me . Except for strange anomalies that do occur from time to time , my life has been pretty balanced , abundant , and very , very happy . Last month I semi - retired . Work has taken an even more remote back seat in my life and I am trying to discern how to use my time now . That will be the subject of a different post . For now , I am waking up and looking at two things - one barefoot angel to remind me to do the things I love , and one briefcase that taught me a very valuable life lesson . I 'm thinking it 's time to get rid of the briefcase . I have not looked in it for over 22 years . I have no idea what 's even inside . For a few years it was used as a drug . And then it was an every day reminder not to use that drug ever again . I think I will let it retire with me . It has served me well . Posted by 1 . Rain ! ! ! Not that we need any more precipitation - our streams are already swollen and the ground saturated . But rain ! I do not have to shovel rain ! 2 . Super grateful that my 6 month old grand niece who was rushed to the hospital , not being able to breathe , is going to be just fine . Phew ! 5 . Scored front row seats to see James Franco ( Peachie 's crush ) in " Of Mice and Men " on Broadway for her 21st birthday . I had taken Beaner to see Jake Gyllenhaal when she turned 21 . It is so nice that these men decided to make their Broadway debuts just in time for my daughter 's birthdays . They must have some good karma going on .
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This writer from the Daily Mail , a British newpaper , tries to draw some parallels between 1931 and 2011 . He talks about depression , unrest in Europe , and the dawning and sunset of empire . You don 't have to wonder what he 's thinking , either . Sadly , there seems little point in looking across the Atlantic for inspiration . In 1932 , President Herbert Hoover , beleaguered by rising unemployment and tumbling ratings , flailed and floundered towards election defeat . I went outside and looked on the bench and found a box of Sierra 125 grain Pro - hunter bullets . Then I started researching loads . What I was looking for isn 't necessarily in the manuals , so I was breaking untrod ground . I settled on a load starting at 41 . 0 grains of IMR 4895 and loaded some ammo , then increased the charge to 42 . 0 and 43 . 0 grains of powder just in case that first load didn 't fly . I got to the range and set up at the 100 yard line . Fired a couple of fouling shots into the berm . Then I got steady on the bags . That 's a one inch target dot and it was fired at 100 yards . The subsequent loads opened up quite a bit . Not surprisingly , I fired the last two rounds of my # 3 load ( 43 grains of IMR 4895 and that Sierra Prohunter ) through my Remington 700 . The Remington didn 't like the # 1 load , but it liked the # 3 load , firing it into just 0 . 75 inch . If that Remington becomes a grandkid rifle too , I know which kid load to build for it . I figure that load is traveling about 2600 fps , plenty good medicine for the whitetail deer around here . Recoil is light , the load is easy on the shoulder . I think that the grandkids will like it fine . That 's a Ruger 77 , tang model , in 25 - 06 . According to the serial number , the rifle was pushed out the door in 1971 , the same year I started college . It came with a Bushnell Banner scope , probably made about the same time the rifle was made . The counter guy threw in a new soft gun case so I wouldn 't have to carry it from the store naked . After I hair - lipped the rose bush today , I sat down at the bench and worked another series of reloads based on Newberry 's OCW method of finding a good load . I couldn 't decide if the ugly rifle didn 't like those Fusion bullets , or didn 't like Reloder 15 under those bullets , so I looked for something different and found a box of 155 grain Matchkings that I had forgotten about . Then , I looked at four references and got an idea of what loads might be suitable for IMR 4895 powder and that bullet . I came away with six loads , starting at 41 . 5 grains , progressing upward in 0 . 9 grain increments to 46 . 0 grains , all under that 155 Matchking . I went out to the Woodworth Range , and it was closed . There were six or eight cars waiting at the gate , so we all got out of our vehicles and talked . We all verified that we had checked online and the range is supposed to be open today at noon , so I whipped out my smartphone , did a quick google search , and found the number to the state office of Wildlife and Fisheries . I got someone on the phone and started raising hell . In about fifteen minutes , someone else called me back , told me where a key was located on a tree near the gate , and told me to let everyone in . Once on the range , I got set up and started running the line , along with shooting my groups . After firing my string I looked downrange through the spotting scope and was fairly pleased . All six 3 - shot strings averaged 1 . 26 inches , and three of those groups were under an inch ! Very good . There is something that rifle likes about IMR 4805 powder and 155 grain Matchkings . Somewhere between 44 . 2 grains and 45 . 1 grains there is a sweet spot , and I 'll have to find it , then start tuning loads to that rifle . After I get the load tuned , I 'll run it over the chronograph and enter it into my pet load records . Funny thing . Hodgdon shows a max load of 47 . 3 grains of IMR 4895 under a 150 grain bullet . I filled a case with powder and couldn 't stuff but 46 . 4 grains to the junction of the neck and shoulder . My hottest load was 46 . 0 grains and it 's too hot for my rifle . When I touched that load off , it blew the primer , jammed my ejector , and pushed the extractor out of the bolt . I managed to find all the parts and get the rifle running again , but I was mighty concerned for a few minutes . This comes as a caution to check your sources , make your own judgement and pay attention to what your rifle is telling you . A load that 's too hot in your rifle may be okay according to the published literature . When you handload ammunition , you 're on your own . Be safe . I 've done more shooting in the last two days than I have in the last three months . It feels good to get a little recoil therapy . It also feels good to see that rifle shoot like I thought it might . We 've got a rose bush , over an arbor that leads to the backyard . It 's a climbing rose and it 's made some lovely pictures over the several years it 's been there , but I admit that I haven 't been as dutiful as I should have been to keep it pruned . As a result , it 's grown all out of control , threatening to tear down the fence and climb up the electric service drop that is nearby . This morning I changed all that . I got some pruners and some nippers and I set to work on that overgrown rose . In the words of my Dad , I hair - lipped it pretty good . This rose has been in my family for several generations , so after I finished the haircut , I went to the hardware store , bought some rooting powder and some potting soil . I found a bunch of pots behind the backyard fence and rooted eight of those cuttings . If half of them " take " , I 'll have four plants to give away in the spring . Of course , all this is done for propaganda , but damn people . I mean , whose consumption are these pictures for ? None of the rest of the world believes that anyone could be this heartbroken over the loss of this tyrant . This is a guy who nearly starved a country to death , sent his own people to Siberia when he couldn 't feed them , then bankrupted the country for his own ego , and the people are crying for him ? I found myself with a couple of hours to kill this morning and I haven 't had any trigger time since the start of the deer season . So , I loaded some ammo for the . 308 , so that I could try some new bullets . Back in the autumn , I had bought some pulled bullets from RMR Reloading . They were billed as 150 grain Federal Fusion bullets and today was the first time I 'd had a chance to take them to the range . So , I checked multiple data sources and decided that I could safely load from 42 . 0 to 47 . 0 grains of RL15 under those bullets . I got out a bag of prepped Winchester brass , some WLR primers and got to work assembling ammo . I decided to use Dan Newberry 's OCW system to find a load that would work in this rifle . With high hopes and new ammo , I headed for the range . I decided to give the Ugly Rifle an outing this morning . It 's been languishing in the locker all winter . By 11 : 00 I had shot my rotations and was looking through the spotting scope . Disappointment . After a review of my shooting , I can 't find anything that really stands out . No group under 1 . 25 inches , the average of all groups is 1 . 56 inches . Not an auspicious beginning to new load development . I 've got a load that shoots well in this rifle . Heck it shoots well in every . 308 I 've tried it . 43 . 0 grains of RL15 and a 165 / 168 bullet is a sure - fire shot in this rifle . But , in this rifle , that same 43 grains of RL15 with a 150 fusion bullet turns in a 1 . 32 " group . Poot ! Back in 1976 I was introduced to the concept of Move , Shoot , Communicate . That simple term is a mantra for mobile combat and as a fledgling tank commander I was responsible for mobility , firepower , and keeping my commanders and subordinates informed about the current status of the battlefield . Communication is every bit as important to a commander as firepower . I would submit that if the Civil War commander would have had a good set of walkie - talkies and a way to charge their batteries , the fight might have been decidedly different than the one we study today . I see that the Mexican military has set about disrupting the communications of the drug cartels . That 's a great idea . If they can 't communicate , then their network has to work harder to coordinate ideas , forces , orders , and drug movements . Making the enemy work harder is always a good idea . Shooting Illustrated closes the loop . They note that anyone can walk into a cell - phone store and purchase high level communications devices without so much as a background check . These devices are so powerful that they can be loaded with mapping software , encryption codes , transmit voice , text , or data , and are virtually untraceable . Moreso , these devices are so inexpensive that they can be used and tossed away . Yet , I don 't hear politicians clamoring to restrict the right of Americans to buy powerful handheld communications devices . If you talk to a troop returning from Iraq or Afghanistan , they 'll tell you that simple , cheap , prepaid phones can be used to make roadside bombs , set ambushes , move troops , and cause havoc on the battlefield . It makes sense to restrict the other side 's ability to communicate . Yet , it seems that all the politicians are focused on are the guns . I 'm seeing the commercials now , so I can tell folks that there is a new pawn show premiering next week on the History Channel . My favorite pawn dealer , Jimmy Deramus and his store , Silver Dollar has been my favorite gun shop for the past ten years . I 've got a rifle on layaway there now that I intend to pick up in January . I walked in on a filming session this past autumn . Didn 't see the barricade and walked into the middle of a film session . " Oh , hell . Cut ! , Cut ! Cut ! How did you get in here ? " No , PawPaw isn 't going to be on TV , but Deramus ' shop will be on the History Channel on Sunday , January 8th . Y ' all watch for it . Maybe he 'll make more than one season . We 'll see . I 've seen this story several times over the past several days , and I think it 's a durty - dog shame . This kid joins the Army , goes overseas , is injured in combat , comes back to the US to recuperate , gets home on leave and gets shot at his welcome home party . Durty - dog shame . However , the cop in me says that the official story stinks . Sullivan , 22 , a 2008 San Bernardino High School graduate who was stationed at Fort Campbell , Ky . , was taken to a hospital for treatment of gunshot wounds . His condition was not known , but family members described him as being in extremely critical condition and paralyzed . Suzanne Sullivan said he suffered two gunshot wounds to his back , which shattered his spine . Here 's where the stink starts : Family members said a man at the party got into an argument with Sullivan 's brother . When Sullivan intervened , the man pulled out a gun and fired at him . So , there 's this guy at the party who took out a gun and shot the soldier . Friends and family , right ? Somebody is bound to know the guy . Police have not identified a suspect in the case . Don 't even go there . This guy comes to the party , and no one knows who he is ? Why was he allowed to stay ? Who did he come with ? Who was he talking to ? No one knows who the shooter was ? When I throw a party , I might not know everyone there , but I know who they came with . I enjoy entertaining , but I watch my guests closely . Someone knows who this guy is , and if they aren 't telling the cops , the family has more problems than the police can help solve . We 've noticed a problem in north - central Louisiana too . My lease is in the piney woods in LaSalle parish and the hunting area is notable for several creeks that the deer depend on for water . This summer those creeks were dryer than I 've ever seen them . Even the deep holes were dry . Deer need water and when those natural water holes dry up , the deer have to move to find a drink . Our deer harvest is down this year and the only leases that are reporting success have water on them . That 's basic biology and it 's left us high and dry this year . We got some rain on the lease last week , and my ramblings last Friday showed that the creek was flowing , but my quick meander up and down the creek bank didn 't reveal any deer tracks in places where there is normally evidence of movement . The water is there , but the deer aren 't . Our cameras are telling the tale as well . We had pictures of deer on the cameras in October , but in November , we quit seeing the animals . It 's dispiriting . So , the Monday after Christmas , PawPaw is sitting home , watching the drizzly gray morning and is grateful for it . My one hope is that the water fills the Saline basin and drives the deer out into the hills surrounding it . When the Saline / Catahoula complex fills with water , the deer move and I 've got a stand on Momma 's place that should provide one to two late - season hunts . I 've got a camera there and we 'll check it later this week . If it doesn 't provide any action , the season might well be over before the deer move . It seems that our President used issued a signing statement on a law passed by Congress last week , immediately before he left for Hawaii . Much has been made on the use of presidential signing statements , and the left excoriated President Bush for his use of such statements . It 's easy to talk bad about someone when they 're doing something that you disagree with , but it 's another thing entirely when you use the same tactic several years later . I recall candidate Obama 's promise to not use signing statements . Obama explained that " Congress ' job is to pass legislation , " and when that happens , a President has only two options : " the President can veto it or sign it . " In contrast to Bush - who , Obama said , " has been saying ' I can change what Congress passed by attaching a statement saying I don 't agree with this part , I 'm going to choose to interpret it this way or that way ' " - Obama said he , by contrast , believes " that 's not part of [ the President 's ] power . " He punctuated his answer as follows : " we 're not going to use signing statements as a way of doing an end run around Congress . " It 's hard to be more clear than that . Lots of pundits are talking about the signing statement this morning . Whether they 're constitutional or not is a question for better minds . In my experience , intent isn 't really criminal unless it is followed by action and as long as folks follow the law , it doesn 't matter if they rail against it . I rail against laws all the time , but I intend to follow them . If the President truly thought that this was bad law , he could have simply vetoed it . He chose to sign it , as is his prerogative . It is now law , and he 's bound to follow it . I 'm particularly enamored of Instapundit 's thoughts on the matter . The next Attorney General is going to be busy . Or maybe the one - after - next , since Holder may not be around much longer . Heh ! Our family celebrates Christmas all week , but the big blow - out is on Christmas Eve , when we invite friends , family , in - laws and outlaws over to the house for the evening meal . Milady and I decided years ago to map out that evening as ours and that lets the kids have one less thing to schedule for Christmas day . Every parent wants to be home Christmas morning with their young ' unns and the other side of their respective family wants to see them as well . So , Christmas Eve , the PawPaw house is busy , festive , and noisy . Lots of treats for the dog , lots of grandkids to supervise , lots of friends from whence to beg food . Christmas eve is a festive occasion . The next morning , not so much . Christmas Day at PawPaw 's house is a quiet affair . The pup wonders what happened to all the fun , and he gets in a humbug mood . I would remind my gentle readers that basketball is a game that is played by girls . Anyone who aspires to the game , who follows the game , who emulates the culture of basketball as it 's currently practiced in the United States needs plenty of psychological treatment . Years and years of expensive treatment . It 's Christmas Eve , and there 's a lull at PawPaw 's house . It 's quiet , Milady is napping in preparation for the evening . She 'll start cooking this afternoon and kids and grandkids , family , friends , inlaws and outlaws welcome for the feast . Hams , yams , cornbread dressing , assorted desserts , and maybe a little liquid refreshment for those adults interested . It 'll be a lot of fun , but we should take time to remember those who are standing on the front lines . Those wondering if the world is about to change and have made preparations for that change . Our troops in Korea come to mind . The tyrant across the border is dead and a new pretender is taking the reins , and I 'm sure that our troops are watching , and waiting , and wondering . This photo , shamelessly taken from Mostly Cajun , comes from my brothers in the 1st Battalion , 72nd Armor , standing the line in Korea . Think of them tonight as you say your prayers and grant that they might experience the wonder of Christmas . Ask also that they get a great meal tomorrow . Some of them standing in the snow might not . Korin Vanhouten , 47 , and Eldon Alexander , 36 , were cited for shoplifting at WinCo Foods in Ogden . Moments later , they discovered that someone had broken into their vehicle and stolen $ 60 worth of items . ( Weber County Jail ) Then I took out my Remington Model 700 . Someone told me recently that all Remington . 30 caliber barrels were a 1 : 12 twist . That didn 't sound right , but I thought I 'd measure it . My particular Rem 700 was made in August 1983 , although I didn 't buy it until January 2011 . I realized I didn 't know the barrel twist , which is an arcane bit of knowledge that might be useful , so I took down my cleaning rod , fitted a patch to a jag and measured the twist . Mine is 1 : 10 , just like my other . 308s . The only 1 : 12 rifles I own are my Win94s . That being done , I noticed some brass from the Thanksgiving shoot that I needed to sort . I collect brass , and it gets thrown into a box under my bench until a rainy day when I decide to sort brass . That 's not one of my favorite activities , but something that a handloader must do occasionally . Before too long , I was on my knees by the brass box , pulling out zip - lock bags and wal - mart bags from shoots long past . I commenced sorting brass and had to find new containers . Before it was done , I had sorted two gallons of . 38 special brass , a full gallon of . 45 ACP , nearly a half - gallon of . 44 magnum , and several dozen pieces of . 44 special . Exactly one piece of . 357 magnum brass , though for the life of me , I can 't imagine who took just one shot with the . 357 . That ain 't natural . I took down some rifles and gave them a good wiping , then put everything away . It 's 10 : 45 a . m . and I 've cleared my bench . Dishes are washed , clothes are folded and put away . I guess I could run the vacuum , but I 'm not nearly that bored yet . I almost forgot . Today is the winter solstice , the shortest day of the year . Normally that doesn 't count for much , because it 's also the longest night of the year and the whole day is still 24 hours . Go figure . For those of us who keep track of weirdness , the winter solstice next year is when the Mayan calendar says that the world will end . Okay , then ! We 've got one more year , one more trip around the sun . I 'm told that the Mayans have launched a celebration to commemorate the last year on their calendar . That 's great , too . Nothing like a party to drum up tourism Hopefully , they won 't go back to their quaint traditions of ripping the hearts from living sacrifices . But Hey ! In Mexico , anything is possible . Personally , I 've seen their calendar , and I believe that the sculptor simply ran out of space on the rock . " What the hell " he figured , " I 've carved until sometime in the next millennium . If they can 't figure it out , they don 't deserve a calendar . " Before we get all huffy about our troops being withdrawn from Iraq , we might do well to remember that the Status of Forces Agreement ( SOFA ) was negotiated under George Bush . On November 17 , 2008 , the Iraqi Foreign Minister Hoshiyar Zebari and U . S . ambassador Ryan Crocker signed the agreement in an official ceremony . We 'll recall that President Obama didn 't take office until January 20 , 2009 and at that time the US government had already agreed that all US forces would leave Iraq by midnight , December 31 , 2011 . I don 't believe that we should have negotiated nor signed an agreement . We were not invited into Iraq . As it turns out , the Iraqi government is probably not stable enough to stand at this time and some observers believe that the country might slide into sectarian and political violence . That 's for the Iraqi people to decide . However , President Obama 's promise to bring the troops home was an empty promise , one that he hadn 't negotiated . Under the terms of the SOFA , he had no choice ; it was already written in an agreement negotiated under the Bush administration . However , his decision to make political hay out of leaving Iraq might become a huge strategic blunder if Iraq devolves into chaos . Instapundit links to an article concerning arrest records for teens , citing statistics that 1 - in - 3 teens will be arrested during their formative years . Now , Blumstein says , youth may be arrested for drugs and domestic violence , which were unlikely offenses to attract police attention in the 1960s . " There 's a lot more arresting going on now , " he says . When I was a teen in the ' 60s I knew that possession of marijuana might get me arrested . That hasn 't changed , it 's still illegal to possess marijuana in most jurisdictions . It 's true that domestic violence laws have tightened up since the ' 60s , but that 's a result of the legislature placing greater emphasis on violence , which might not be a bad thing . There are a lot more laws now and the police are tasked with enforcing them . It 's not my fault , nor the fault of my brethren that there are more laws on the books . In fact , if you ask most police officers , we 'd be better served with fewer laws on the books . It seems , though , that every time the legislature meets , there is always a cause de jure that results in new laws . Another problem with the way laws are written is that the concept of intent has been written out of the laws . Back in the old days , laws used to take intent into account , with verbiage that made motive part of the offense . Nowadays , intent is likely to not be addressed . The average teenager who steals an iPod or is arrested for possession of marijuana - why do we make that define their lives ? " I would submit that 40 years ago it was impossible to steal an Ipod . They didn 't exist and while theft was still illegal , you simply could not steal an Ipod . However , marijuana existed and arrests were made for possession of dope . If you want the law changed , talk to your legislator . They 're the ones that make the laws . The police only enforce them . I am reminded of a quote from Mark Twain : " No man 's life , liberty , or property is safe while the legislature is in session . " Today is PawPaw 's birthday . Fifty - eight years ago I started this trip , and I 'm not near - about through . However , at my advanced age and decrepitude , this milestone only marks another trip around the sun . She didn 't win the contest , but I believe that she has a magnificent career ahead of her . Lots of training and she should do well . Once again , Merry Christmas , everyone . We 're getting a little rain outside , along with the lightning and thunder that accompanies a winter frontal system . The dog , of course , is freaked out . He 's hiding under my desk as I surf the web . I went out to the training center to take Bud some bullets for his muzzleloading team and while I was out there I went to the rifle range to scrounge the brass bucket . I found about 30 cases of Remington 7mm Rem Mag brass , and about 10 rounds of RP 30 - 06 . There was also a bunch of . 308 brass with NATO headstamp , so I brought it home . The primers were still crimped , so I was fairly sure that it was once - fired , but I didn 't recognize the headstamp . NATO headstamp with RG 93 . I came home and found that it is made in the Royal Ordnance factory , Radway Green , in England . So , I set about decapping it and found Berdan primers . Good , thick NATO brass and not a damned thing I can do with it . There was also about 40 rounds of good Federal Gold Medal brass in the bucket . It 's already been added to my stocks . According to the Daily Caller , our Attorney General used the race card yesterday . Attorney General Eric Holder accused his growing chorus of critics of racist motivations in a Sunday interview published in the New York Times . When reached by The Daily Caller Monday morning , the Department of Justice provided no evidence to support the attorney general 's claims . There is is , plain as day , Eric plays the race card . No one 's told him , though that when the chips are down and you play the race card , you automatically lose . I 've been accused of racist motivations my whole life . When I was a child , there were real racists around . Most of them were Democrats , using truncheons and fire hoses to quell disturbances during the civil rights marches . Those days are long past , and also long past are the times when a public official can paint opponents with the RACIST brush . The first time I heard Ave Maria , it was on my Dad 's stereo . It was the Schubert version , played on trumpet by Al Hirt . Because it was the first time I 'd heard it , the Schubert became my favorite version and I eventually learned to play it on trumpet . I 'm told that the last of our troops left Iraq today . That 's probably not true . If we 've got an embassy , some poor Marine is still on watch , and some good Army supply sergeant is inventorying sheets in the supply room . My war was Desert Storm . We had troops near Baghdad , superbly trained combat troops who had just defeated everything that Saddam Hussein had in the desert . The way was clear to Baghdad and George HW Bush shut us down . Told us to stop in place . We could have ended it in another couple of days , but he bowed to coalition pressure to let a madman stay in power . If we 'd gone to Baghdad and killed Hussein , we might have averted this whole chapter . But we didn 't . We turned around and came home . You see , as a soldier , I don 't care much for politicians though I am subordinate to them . One of our great strengths as a nation is that the military is absolutely subordinate to the civil authority . The military goes where it is sent and does what it is ordered to do . HW Bush sent us into the desert to destroy an army . Once that army was destroyed , we looked longingly toward the source of the evil and HW told us that we had done what we were sent to do , that we were not allowed to destroy the head of the hydra , only to kill the body . I believe that was the greatest mistake of his presidency . Now another president has taken us out of Iraq . Let history observe that this is the second time we 've left Iraq in my lifetime , and let 's remember that a second trip should not have been necessary . Let us rejoice that the troops are coming home , but pray God that we don 't have to make a third trip . Sveral places are reporting that the Korean madman , Kim Jong - Il is dead . According to the BBC : Mr Kim , who has led the communist nation since the death of his father in 1994 , died on a train while visiting an area outside the capital , the announcement said . No tyrant should ever be allowed to die a natural death . His son is tapped to take over the country and if I were his geographical neighbor , I 'd be watching the developments in the country very , very closely . I 'm sure that South Korea and Japan are on full alert with all their intelligence apparatus working overtime . I wonder how long it will be before the Great Successor dies on a train outside the capitol ? This past summer , some of the grandkids were playing with a frisbee and was left in the backyard . After a rainstorm , we noticed that the dog liked drinking from it . He really loves mudholes and ditches and thinks that rainwater tastes great . So , we left the frisbee on the deck to collect dew and rainwater from the drip edge of the house . Today went a whole lot more smoothly than I expected . Generally , if I 'm going to have problems at the school , real problems like serious fights , it 'll be just before school releases or while they 're getting on the bus . The day before a holiday , the kids are wild as March Hares and mad as hatters . Additionally , they won 't be at school for two weeks , so if there 's any getting - even to be done , the day before a holiday is the best time to do it . Needless to say , I 'm always on high alert the last school day before a holiday . Any holiday . However , today the weather screwed with them . It started off warm and rainy and all the kids wanted to do was get out of the rain . Along about noon , the front moved through and the wind shifted around to the north . The temp dropped twenty degrees and the wind picked up . All those kids wearing shorts and no jackets got cold . All the knuckleheads wanted to go was get on the bus and go home . About fifteen minutes after school was over , the parking lot was clear and PawPaw came home . That was as nice a present as I could have hoped for . Bill Whittle has a new Firewall up . Here he proposes a voter 's guide to the Republican Party , along with historical data to back it up . Go watch . I 've gotta go back to work , and that 's a shame . Plus , we 're out of ' nilla wafers . The dog thinks that 's a shame as well . We 've seen pretenders come and we 've seen pretenders go . I 'm told today that Gallup says that Newt Gingrich 's numbers are slipping , and that 's to be expected . Pretenders come and pretenders go , and until the voting starts it 's hard to know who 'll wind up on top . Iowa and New Hampshire will start separating the sheep from the goats , and by late July or early August , we 'll know what 's up . I 'm not really worried about it . Let ' em rise or fall at their peril . Eventually we 'll pick a nominee , then we can all get behind him or her and move forward to elect a President . This is all part of the process , folks . Don 't get too worked up about it . According to the Daily Caller , 73 congressmen have signed a resolution of No Confidence in Eric Holder . Arizona Republican Rep . Paul Gosar 's office announced on Thursday morning that it has 73 cosponsors on its House of Representatives resolution of " no confidence " in Attorney General Eric Holder 's ability to serve . I , on the other hand , have lots of confidence in our Attorney General . I 'm confident that he 's obstructing justice , I 'm confident that he 's stonewalling Congress , I have every confidence that President Obama isn 't going to fire him . He 'll have to be indicted and impeached . It 's getting so that you can 't tell the players without a score card . It seems that President Obama wants to extend the payroll tax holiday , but the evil Republicans are saying that they don 't want to extend it . I thought that Obama wanted more taxes and the Republicans wanted less taxes . Weird , isn 't it ? Now , the President is threatening a government shutdown if the evil Republicans don 't extend the payroll tax cut . That 's simply the most bizarre thing I 've heard lately . The school house is picking up speed . During football season , the school is focused on football , and we 've got five home games in a standard 10 week season . All on Friday night . It 's fairly easy , not many hours at the school . When football is over , basketball begins . Twenty games in a 12 week season , ten of them at home . Then there 's soccer , which is cranking up at the same time . Yesterday I spent 14 hours at the school . Got there at 7 : 00 a . m . , locked the gates last night at 9 : 00 p . m . supporting the boy 's soccer team . Oh , we had a 9th grade basketball game as well , but that was over early . I 'll get to the school by 7 : 00 a . m . , but we ; re hosting basketball tonight . Both the boys and girls teams , so it 'll be 9 : 00 tonight before I 'm done . Wednesday is a normal school day , but on Thursday , we 've scheduled the Christmas Gala , and PawPaw is on duty for that as well . I 'll work 60 hours or more this week . I 'm not complaining , it 's what I signed up for , and I 've had jobs when I worked longer hours . Still , it cuts into the blogging . I 'll catch up with y ' all when I get the chance . Have you heard of LightSquared ? No ? Neither had I . It 's a tech company with big pockets and they 're trying to make wireless broadband possible for large numbers of people . LightSquared is a business , and I 'm generally in favor of business . However , LightSquared 's product has the ability to hurt a lot of people . Lots of people . Government testing of it 's product shows that it disrupts 75 % of the GPS recievers currently on the market . " LightSquared signals caused harmful interference to majority of GPS receivers tested , " according to the draft prepared for a meeting next week of U . S . officials reviewing the LightSquared proposal . " No additional testing is required to confirm harmful interference exists . " LightSquared , backed by $ 3 billion from Falcone 's Harbinger Capital Partners hedge fund , faces challenges from makers of global - positioning system devices who say the service will disrupt navigation by cars , boats , tractors and planes . U . S . regulators are withholding approval as they check on claims of interference . Who uses GPS ? Everybody . Airlines , the military , your cell phone , your grandmother , everyone has a GPS device of some sort . They 're everywhere , they 're in lots of electronic devices and LightSquared disrupts them . It 's like some sort of bad B - novel . This evil company comes out with a product that will disrupt navigational equipment all over the world . Our President , realizing the damage that this product will do to our economy , rides to the rescue , saving the American military , Airline passengers , the common folk trying to find the grocery store . . . . oh , wait , that didn 't happen . Obama is pushing this scheme . It seems that LightSquared 's corporate owners are big Democratic donors . Why is this important ? Philip Falcone is a big donor to the Democratic Party , and he has billions of dollars at stake in LightSquared 's approval . Also , Obama himself was an investor in LightSquared at one point , as were or are a number of his associates . The resounding failure in this test makes it look like the White House pressured witnesses to back off of exposing LightSquared 's product as exactly the kind of dangerous problem that critics had maintained all along - with the intent to mislead Congress into moving forward with LightSquared 's government contracts . The White House is trying to limit the damage , where they should be telling Falcone that his product is a failure , that it has the potential to do untold damage to GPS systems worldwide . But no , it they 're trying to derail testimony that is damaging to LightSquared . It looks as if the White House is actively supporting the disruption of millions of GPS units worldwide . It sounds like an evil plot , and of course , our President has his fingers right in the middle of it . I 've come to expect evil from our President . From Fast and Furious , to the economy , to this LightSquared mess , it looks as if he 's actively trying to damage our country . The dog and I listened to the Army Navy game . I , of course , wore my ARMY sweatshirt . The dog doesn 't have an ARMY sweatshirt , but we 'll have to see about that . Maybe something in camo , with an appropriate unit patch . The new CBS poll shows that 54 % of Americans don 't think President Obama deserves a second term . Just 41 percent of Americans think Mr . Obama has performed his job well enough to be elected to a second term , whereas 54 percent don 't think so . That doesn 't bode well for the President . Of course , with poll numbers like that , there 's only one thing that he can do . Take another vacation . We 're in full Christmas spirit here . Just back from one local Christmas parade , with a Dollar Store bag full of thrown goodies . One grandkid was marching in the high school band and we had to support that . Other grandkids are looking under the tree , wondering what the packages contain . PawPaw is relaxing with a ginger ale and bourbon . I don 't drink much ginger ale , but I was walking through the grocery last week , and a 12 - pack " flung a craving on me " . When I got home from the store and put the ginger ale on the counter , Milady asked why I 'd bought it . I told her , honestly , that I didn 't know why I bought it , but I wanted it . At my advanced age and curmudgeon status , that 's reason enough . Over at Hot Air , they 're talking about some emails that came to light recently , wherein it looks as if DOJ officials wanted to use their own illegal program to push for greater gun control regulations . CBS reporter Sharyl Attkisson has done the heavy lifting on this scandal . ATF officials didn 't intend to publicly disclose their own role in letting Mexican cartels obtain the weapons , but emails show they discussed using the sales , including sales encouraged by ATF , to justify a new gun regulation called " Demand Letter 3 ″ . That would require some U . S . gun shops to report the sale of multiple rifles or " long guns . " Demand Letter 3 was so named because it would be the third ATF program demanding gun dealers report tracing information . " Bill - can you see if these guns were all purchased from the same ( licensed gun dealer ) and at one time . We are looking at anecdotal cases to support a demand letter on long gun multiple sales . Thanks . " On Jan . 4 , 2011 , as ATF prepared a press conference to announce arrests in Fast and Furious , Newell saw it as " ( A ) nother time to address Multiple Sale on Long Guns issue . " And a day after the press conference , Chait emailed Newell : " Bill - well done yesterday … ( I ) n light of our request for Demand letter 3 , this case could be a strong supporting factor if we can determine how many multiple sales of long guns occurred during the course of this case . " If this is true , and there is no reason to doubt that it isn 't , they 're pushing their own illegal activities to push for greater regulation on law - abiding people . Holder should immediately be fired . All those folks responsible for this debacle should be indicted . We need a special prosecutor to clean house in DOJ , ATF , DEA , and all those other agencies who seem to think that they 're above the law . Phil Bourjaily talks about reducing felt recoil and shows a couple of videos that purport to show how perceived recoil can be diminished . I agree with Phil that hearing protection has a lot to do with perceived recoil at the range . If your ears don 't hurt , it doesn 't seem like the firearm kicks so much , but lots of other factors play into the equation . Stock fit , shooting position , caliber ( or gauge ) , individual body build , psychological fear , all these make recoil something to be endured , feared , or enjoyed . If you 're afraid of the gun , it 'll seem to hurt you a lot more than if you 're not afraid to shoot it . Regardless of what I was shooting , I 've never felt the recoil when I was shooting at game . Whether the recoil of a rifle from a deer stand , or shooting heavy magnums from the duck blind , if I was focused on meaty animals , I didn 't feel the recoil . In fact , I often didn 't hear the report of the gun . When I 'm teaching new shooters , grandkids , or nieces and nephews , we talk about recoil and how each gun might feel to them when they fire it . I 've had students shy away from a gun that they felt might " kick " them too much , but I 've never had them stay away long . I 've seen skinny little teenage girls handle my . 44 magnum and love it and those same girls shoot 12 gauge shotguns with relish . I 've seen grown men who didn 't like the recoil of a . 30 - 06 . It 's okay to not like something and some folks handle recoil better than others . It 's okay . There are some guns I 'm not crazy about . I don 't really like shooting heavy . 357 magnum loads , but I love shooting the . 44 magnum . Go figure . Most recoil is about perception . If you perceive it to be bad , it probably will be bad . If you perceive it to be easy to handle , it probably will be easy to handle . I can 't know all the laws ; there are simply too many of them . However , we can assume that the Attorney General has someone on his staff with a working knowledge , at least one person in Justice , who knows the applicable law in any given situation . Even so , it appears that Justice may have broken laws of which the general public is blissfully unaware . Specifically , those that disallow aiding , abetting , or materially assisting certain criminal elements in foreign countries . As in the Fast and Furious investigation . Dept of Treasury is tasked with keeping track of the things necessary to procure and indictment , but when they detect a possible violation , they are supposed to refer the facts to Justice for prosecution . Interestingly , and of serious note - if Secretary Geithner finds that the laws and programs which his Department administers have been violated , Treasury procedures mandate that the matter be referred to Eric Holder 's Justice Department for enforcement ! Perhaps the appointment of a special prosecutor is necessary after all . I 've been calling for a special prosecutor in this matter for several months now . There 's no way that the IG at Justice is going to serve any useful purpose , except to give cover to Holder . It 's time to appoint a special prosecutor . I see tonight that LSU and Alabama are going to meet again at the Superdome for the national championship . Going over the records , I see that the BCS National Championship since 2006 has been an SEC lock . Florida in ' 06 , LSU in ' 07 , Florida in 08 , Alabama in ' 09 and Auburn in ' 10 . All SEC teams , all great football programs . This year , it will be an SEC lock again , when LSU meets Alabama . I 'm sure it will be a great game , and certainly one for the record books . And , regardless who wins , it will be yet another SEC championship . Looking forward to Obamacare , it 's only natural to see how other countries are implementing socialized healthcare so that we can avoid the pitfalls . This heartwarming story from Sweden . A man from Nyköping in eastern Sweden has been denied a power wheelchair despite having had both of his legs amputated as the local health authority remained " uncertain if the impairment was permanent " . I 'd say that if you chopped his legs off , the situation is permanent , but what do I know ? Maybe it 's reversable ? Not much this weekend , simply a short video of the dog chasing his ball . We 've been unbelievably busy this week and the dog has suffered from a lack of attention . I 'm sure that it will forever scar his tender psyche . Edit * * A small keyboard and the inability to edit photos conspired against me . Still , the technology that we use today is simply amazing . I get better cell phone reception in my deer stand than I get in my living room . A prominent Saudi cleric has opined that if women are allowed to drive , the country will not have any virgins . Seriously . Repealing a ban on women drivers in Saudi Arabia would result in ' no more virgins ' , the country 's religious council has warned . I was wandering about the school today , particularly the student parking lot , when I noticed something that I had noticed earlier , a hole in the chain - link fence . Several years ago , a tree had fallen on that fence and the custodian at the time had used a piece of chain - link to patch the hole . Some industrious students had re - opened the hole so they could sneak out of the back of the school , for the pleasures of the local convenience stores and the city park . I decided that the thing to do was to patch the hole . The educational system frowns on the students skipping class , and that corner is hard to watch . So , this afternoon on my way home from work , I stopped at the local hardware store . This store caters to the suburban home owner , but I took the chance that they 'd have what I needed . " I 'm looking for some hog ring pliers . " The guy didn 't know what to think , but we went to the tool aisle and in short order found a hog ring plier , made by Decker . Then I told the guy I needed some hog rings . " All we 've got is shoat rings . Will that do ? " So , we 've got this kid working in a hardware store that doesn 't understand what a shoat might be . I explained it to him . Then , I demonstrated how the pliers and the ring work together by clamping one of the shoat rings on a parts rack . Then , I had to explain to the checkout girl what a hog ring tool does , and what a shoat might be . A couple of customers listened with interest . I have done my part to educate the suburban population on the proper application of a hog ring . I 'm a grandpaw who has lived a life of adventure , and resent having to slow down . I 've been a Tank Commander , a Company Commander , an MP . My main career has been law enforcement , with 30 years and counting . At this stage of my life , the most important people in my life call me PawPaw . You 've come to PawPaw 's House . Sit back and enjoy .
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This writer from the Daily Mail , a British newpaper , tries to draw some parallels between 1931 and 2011 . He talks about depression , unrest in Europe , and the dawning and sunset of empire . You don 't have to wonder what he 's thinking , either . Sadly , there seems little point in looking across the Atlantic for inspiration . In 1932 , President Herbert Hoover , beleaguered by rising unemployment and tumbling ratings , flailed and floundered towards election defeat . I went outside and looked on the bench and found a box of Sierra 125 grain Pro - hunter bullets . Then I started researching loads . What I was looking for isn 't necessarily in the manuals , so I was breaking untrod ground . I settled on a load starting at 41 . 0 grains of IMR 4895 and loaded some ammo , then increased the charge to 42 . 0 and 43 . 0 grains of powder just in case that first load didn 't fly . I got to the range and set up at the 100 yard line . Fired a couple of fouling shots into the berm . Then I got steady on the bags . That 's a one inch target dot and it was fired at 100 yards . The subsequent loads opened up quite a bit . Not surprisingly , I fired the last two rounds of my # 3 load ( 43 grains of IMR 4895 and that Sierra Prohunter ) through my Remington 700 . The Remington didn 't like the # 1 load , but it liked the # 3 load , firing it into just 0 . 75 inch . If that Remington becomes a grandkid rifle too , I know which kid load to build for it . I figure that load is traveling about 2600 fps , plenty good medicine for the whitetail deer around here . Recoil is light , the load is easy on the shoulder . I think that the grandkids will like it fine . That 's a Ruger 77 , tang model , in 25 - 06 . According to the serial number , the rifle was pushed out the door in 1971 , the same year I started college . It came with a Bushnell Banner scope , probably made about the same time the rifle was made . The counter guy threw in a new soft gun case so I wouldn 't have to carry it from the store naked . After I hair - lipped the rose bush today , I sat down at the bench and worked another series of reloads based on Newberry 's OCW method of finding a good load . I couldn 't decide if the ugly rifle didn 't like those Fusion bullets , or didn 't like Reloder 15 under those bullets , so I looked for something different and found a box of 155 grain Matchkings that I had forgotten about . Then , I looked at four references and got an idea of what loads might be suitable for IMR 4895 powder and that bullet . I came away with six loads , starting at 41 . 5 grains , progressing upward in 0 . 9 grain increments to 46 . 0 grains , all under that 155 Matchking . I went out to the Woodworth Range , and it was closed . There were six or eight cars waiting at the gate , so we all got out of our vehicles and talked . We all verified that we had checked online and the range is supposed to be open today at noon , so I whipped out my smartphone , did a quick google search , and found the number to the state office of Wildlife and Fisheries . I got someone on the phone and started raising hell . In about fifteen minutes , someone else called me back , told me where a key was located on a tree near the gate , and told me to let everyone in . Once on the range , I got set up and started running the line , along with shooting my groups . After firing my string I looked downrange through the spotting scope and was fairly pleased . All six 3 - shot strings averaged 1 . 26 inches , and three of those groups were under an inch ! Very good . There is something that rifle likes about IMR 4805 powder and 155 grain Matchkings . Somewhere between 44 . 2 grains and 45 . 1 grains there is a sweet spot , and I 'll have to find it , then start tuning loads to that rifle . After I get the load tuned , I 'll run it over the chronograph and enter it into my pet load records . Funny thing . Hodgdon shows a max load of 47 . 3 grains of IMR 4895 under a 150 grain bullet . I filled a case with powder and couldn 't stuff but 46 . 4 grains to the junction of the neck and shoulder . My hottest load was 46 . 0 grains and it 's too hot for my rifle . When I touched that load off , it blew the primer , jammed my ejector , and pushed the extractor out of the bolt . I managed to find all the parts and get the rifle running again , but I was mighty concerned for a few minutes . This comes as a caution to check your sources , make your own judgement and pay attention to what your rifle is telling you . A load that 's too hot in your rifle may be okay according to the published literature . When you handload ammunition , you 're on your own . Be safe . I 've done more shooting in the last two days than I have in the last three months . It feels good to get a little recoil therapy . It also feels good to see that rifle shoot like I thought it might . We 've got a rose bush , over an arbor that leads to the backyard . It 's a climbing rose and it 's made some lovely pictures over the several years it 's been there , but I admit that I haven 't been as dutiful as I should have been to keep it pruned . As a result , it 's grown all out of control , threatening to tear down the fence and climb up the electric service drop that is nearby . This morning I changed all that . I got some pruners and some nippers and I set to work on that overgrown rose . In the words of my Dad , I hair - lipped it pretty good . This rose has been in my family for several generations , so after I finished the haircut , I went to the hardware store , bought some rooting powder and some potting soil . I found a bunch of pots behind the backyard fence and rooted eight of those cuttings . If half of them " take " , I 'll have four plants to give away in the spring . Of course , all this is done for propaganda , but damn people . I mean , whose consumption are these pictures for ? None of the rest of the world believes that anyone could be this heartbroken over the loss of this tyrant . This is a guy who nearly starved a country to death , sent his own people to Siberia when he couldn 't feed them , then bankrupted the country for his own ego , and the people are crying for him ? I found myself with a couple of hours to kill this morning and I haven 't had any trigger time since the start of the deer season . So , I loaded some ammo for the . 308 , so that I could try some new bullets . Back in the autumn , I had bought some pulled bullets from RMR Reloading . They were billed as 150 grain Federal Fusion bullets and today was the first time I 'd had a chance to take them to the range . So , I checked multiple data sources and decided that I could safely load from 42 . 0 to 47 . 0 grains of RL15 under those bullets . I got out a bag of prepped Winchester brass , some WLR primers and got to work assembling ammo . I decided to use Dan Newberry 's OCW system to find a load that would work in this rifle . With high hopes and new ammo , I headed for the range . I decided to give the Ugly Rifle an outing this morning . It 's been languishing in the locker all winter . By 11 : 00 I had shot my rotations and was looking through the spotting scope . Disappointment . After a review of my shooting , I can 't find anything that really stands out . No group under 1 . 25 inches , the average of all groups is 1 . 56 inches . Not an auspicious beginning to new load development . I 've got a load that shoots well in this rifle . Heck it shoots well in every . 308 I 've tried it . 43 . 0 grains of RL15 and a 165 / 168 bullet is a sure - fire shot in this rifle . But , in this rifle , that same 43 grains of RL15 with a 150 fusion bullet turns in a 1 . 32 " group . Poot ! Back in 1976 I was introduced to the concept of Move , Shoot , Communicate . That simple term is a mantra for mobile combat and as a fledgling tank commander I was responsible for mobility , firepower , and keeping my commanders and subordinates informed about the current status of the battlefield . Communication is every bit as important to a commander as firepower . I would submit that if the Civil War commander would have had a good set of walkie - talkies and a way to charge their batteries , the fight might have been decidedly different than the one we study today . I see that the Mexican military has set about disrupting the communications of the drug cartels . That 's a great idea . If they can 't communicate , then their network has to work harder to coordinate ideas , forces , orders , and drug movements . Making the enemy work harder is always a good idea . Shooting Illustrated closes the loop . They note that anyone can walk into a cell - phone store and purchase high level communications devices without so much as a background check . These devices are so powerful that they can be loaded with mapping software , encryption codes , transmit voice , text , or data , and are virtually untraceable . Moreso , these devices are so inexpensive that they can be used and tossed away . Yet , I don 't hear politicians clamoring to restrict the right of Americans to buy powerful handheld communications devices . If you talk to a troop returning from Iraq or Afghanistan , they 'll tell you that simple , cheap , prepaid phones can be used to make roadside bombs , set ambushes , move troops , and cause havoc on the battlefield . It makes sense to restrict the other side 's ability to communicate . Yet , it seems that all the politicians are focused on are the guns . I 'm seeing the commercials now , so I can tell folks that there is a new pawn show premiering next week on the History Channel . My favorite pawn dealer , Jimmy Deramus and his store , Silver Dollar has been my favorite gun shop for the past ten years . I 've got a rifle on layaway there now that I intend to pick up in January . I walked in on a filming session this past autumn . Didn 't see the barricade and walked into the middle of a film session . " Oh , hell . Cut ! , Cut ! Cut ! How did you get in here ? " No , PawPaw isn 't going to be on TV , but Deramus ' shop will be on the History Channel on Sunday , January 8th . Y ' all watch for it . Maybe he 'll make more than one season . We 'll see . I 've seen this story several times over the past several days , and I think it 's a durty - dog shame . This kid joins the Army , goes overseas , is injured in combat , comes back to the US to recuperate , gets home on leave and gets shot at his welcome home party . Durty - dog shame . However , the cop in me says that the official story stinks . Sullivan , 22 , a 2008 San Bernardino High School graduate who was stationed at Fort Campbell , Ky . , was taken to a hospital for treatment of gunshot wounds . His condition was not known , but family members described him as being in extremely critical condition and paralyzed . Suzanne Sullivan said he suffered two gunshot wounds to his back , which shattered his spine . Here 's where the stink starts : Family members said a man at the party got into an argument with Sullivan 's brother . When Sullivan intervened , the man pulled out a gun and fired at him . So , there 's this guy at the party who took out a gun and shot the soldier . Friends and family , right ? Somebody is bound to know the guy . Police have not identified a suspect in the case . Don 't even go there . This guy comes to the party , and no one knows who he is ? Why was he allowed to stay ? Who did he come with ? Who was he talking to ? No one knows who the shooter was ? When I throw a party , I might not know everyone there , but I know who they came with . I enjoy entertaining , but I watch my guests closely . Someone knows who this guy is , and if they aren 't telling the cops , the family has more problems than the police can help solve . We 've noticed a problem in north - central Louisiana too . My lease is in the piney woods in LaSalle parish and the hunting area is notable for several creeks that the deer depend on for water . This summer those creeks were dryer than I 've ever seen them . Even the deep holes were dry . Deer need water and when those natural water holes dry up , the deer have to move to find a drink . Our deer harvest is down this year and the only leases that are reporting success have water on them . That 's basic biology and it 's left us high and dry this year . We got some rain on the lease last week , and my ramblings last Friday showed that the creek was flowing , but my quick meander up and down the creek bank didn 't reveal any deer tracks in places where there is normally evidence of movement . The water is there , but the deer aren 't . Our cameras are telling the tale as well . We had pictures of deer on the cameras in October , but in November , we quit seeing the animals . It 's dispiriting . So , the Monday after Christmas , PawPaw is sitting home , watching the drizzly gray morning and is grateful for it . My one hope is that the water fills the Saline basin and drives the deer out into the hills surrounding it . When the Saline / Catahoula complex fills with water , the deer move and I 've got a stand on Momma 's place that should provide one to two late - season hunts . I 've got a camera there and we 'll check it later this week . If it doesn 't provide any action , the season might well be over before the deer move . It seems that our President used issued a signing statement on a law passed by Congress last week , immediately before he left for Hawaii . Much has been made on the use of presidential signing statements , and the left excoriated President Bush for his use of such statements . It 's easy to talk bad about someone when they 're doing something that you disagree with , but it 's another thing entirely when you use the same tactic several years later . I recall candidate Obama 's promise to not use signing statements . Obama explained that " Congress ' job is to pass legislation , " and when that happens , a President has only two options : " the President can veto it or sign it . " In contrast to Bush - who , Obama said , " has been saying ' I can change what Congress passed by attaching a statement saying I don 't agree with this part , I 'm going to choose to interpret it this way or that way ' " - Obama said he , by contrast , believes " that 's not part of [ the President 's ] power . " He punctuated his answer as follows : " we 're not going to use signing statements as a way of doing an end run around Congress . " It 's hard to be more clear than that . Lots of pundits are talking about the signing statement this morning . Whether they 're constitutional or not is a question for better minds . In my experience , intent isn 't really criminal unless it is followed by action and as long as folks follow the law , it doesn 't matter if they rail against it . I rail against laws all the time , but I intend to follow them . If the President truly thought that this was bad law , he could have simply vetoed it . He chose to sign it , as is his prerogative . It is now law , and he 's bound to follow it . I 'm particularly enamored of Instapundit 's thoughts on the matter . The next Attorney General is going to be busy . Or maybe the one - after - next , since Holder may not be around much longer . Heh ! Our family celebrates Christmas all week , but the big blow - out is on Christmas Eve , when we invite friends , family , in - laws and outlaws over to the house for the evening meal . Milady and I decided years ago to map out that evening as ours and that lets the kids have one less thing to schedule for Christmas day . Every parent wants to be home Christmas morning with their young ' unns and the other side of their respective family wants to see them as well . So , Christmas Eve , the PawPaw house is busy , festive , and noisy . Lots of treats for the dog , lots of grandkids to supervise , lots of friends from whence to beg food . Christmas eve is a festive occasion . The next morning , not so much . Christmas Day at PawPaw 's house is a quiet affair . The pup wonders what happened to all the fun , and he gets in a humbug mood . I would remind my gentle readers that basketball is a game that is played by girls . Anyone who aspires to the game , who follows the game , who emulates the culture of basketball as it 's currently practiced in the United States needs plenty of psychological treatment . Years and years of expensive treatment . It 's Christmas Eve , and there 's a lull at PawPaw 's house . It 's quiet , Milady is napping in preparation for the evening . She 'll start cooking this afternoon and kids and grandkids , family , friends , inlaws and outlaws welcome for the feast . Hams , yams , cornbread dressing , assorted desserts , and maybe a little liquid refreshment for those adults interested . It 'll be a lot of fun , but we should take time to remember those who are standing on the front lines . Those wondering if the world is about to change and have made preparations for that change . Our troops in Korea come to mind . The tyrant across the border is dead and a new pretender is taking the reins , and I 'm sure that our troops are watching , and waiting , and wondering . This photo , shamelessly taken from Mostly Cajun , comes from my brothers in the 1st Battalion , 72nd Armor , standing the line in Korea . Think of them tonight as you say your prayers and grant that they might experience the wonder of Christmas . Ask also that they get a great meal tomorrow . Some of them standing in the snow might not . Korin Vanhouten , 47 , and Eldon Alexander , 36 , were cited for shoplifting at WinCo Foods in Ogden . Moments later , they discovered that someone had broken into their vehicle and stolen $ 60 worth of items . ( Weber County Jail ) Then I took out my Remington Model 700 . Someone told me recently that all Remington . 30 caliber barrels were a 1 : 12 twist . That didn 't sound right , but I thought I 'd measure it . My particular Rem 700 was made in August 1983 , although I didn 't buy it until January 2011 . I realized I didn 't know the barrel twist , which is an arcane bit of knowledge that might be useful , so I took down my cleaning rod , fitted a patch to a jag and measured the twist . Mine is 1 : 10 , just like my other . 308s . The only 1 : 12 rifles I own are my Win94s . That being done , I noticed some brass from the Thanksgiving shoot that I needed to sort . I collect brass , and it gets thrown into a box under my bench until a rainy day when I decide to sort brass . That 's not one of my favorite activities , but something that a handloader must do occasionally . Before too long , I was on my knees by the brass box , pulling out zip - lock bags and wal - mart bags from shoots long past . I commenced sorting brass and had to find new containers . Before it was done , I had sorted two gallons of . 38 special brass , a full gallon of . 45 ACP , nearly a half - gallon of . 44 magnum , and several dozen pieces of . 44 special . Exactly one piece of . 357 magnum brass , though for the life of me , I can 't imagine who took just one shot with the . 357 . That ain 't natural . I took down some rifles and gave them a good wiping , then put everything away . It 's 10 : 45 a . m . and I 've cleared my bench . Dishes are washed , clothes are folded and put away . I guess I could run the vacuum , but I 'm not nearly that bored yet . I almost forgot . Today is the winter solstice , the shortest day of the year . Normally that doesn 't count for much , because it 's also the longest night of the year and the whole day is still 24 hours . Go figure . For those of us who keep track of weirdness , the winter solstice next year is when the Mayan calendar says that the world will end . Okay , then ! We 've got one more year , one more trip around the sun . I 'm told that the Mayans have launched a celebration to commemorate the last year on their calendar . That 's great , too . Nothing like a party to drum up tourism Hopefully , they won 't go back to their quaint traditions of ripping the hearts from living sacrifices . But Hey ! In Mexico , anything is possible . Personally , I 've seen their calendar , and I believe that the sculptor simply ran out of space on the rock . " What the hell " he figured , " I 've carved until sometime in the next millennium . If they can 't figure it out , they don 't deserve a calendar . " Before we get all huffy about our troops being withdrawn from Iraq , we might do well to remember that the Status of Forces Agreement ( SOFA ) was negotiated under George Bush . On November 17 , 2008 , the Iraqi Foreign Minister Hoshiyar Zebari and U . S . ambassador Ryan Crocker signed the agreement in an official ceremony . We 'll recall that President Obama didn 't take office until January 20 , 2009 and at that time the US government had already agreed that all US forces would leave Iraq by midnight , December 31 , 2011 . I don 't believe that we should have negotiated nor signed an agreement . We were not invited into Iraq . As it turns out , the Iraqi government is probably not stable enough to stand at this time and some observers believe that the country might slide into sectarian and political violence . That 's for the Iraqi people to decide . However , President Obama 's promise to bring the troops home was an empty promise , one that he hadn 't negotiated . Under the terms of the SOFA , he had no choice ; it was already written in an agreement negotiated under the Bush administration . However , his decision to make political hay out of leaving Iraq might become a huge strategic blunder if Iraq devolves into chaos . Instapundit links to an article concerning arrest records for teens , citing statistics that 1 - in - 3 teens will be arrested during their formative years . Now , Blumstein says , youth may be arrested for drugs and domestic violence , which were unlikely offenses to attract police attention in the 1960s . " There 's a lot more arresting going on now , " he says . When I was a teen in the ' 60s I knew that possession of marijuana might get me arrested . That hasn 't changed , it 's still illegal to possess marijuana in most jurisdictions . It 's true that domestic violence laws have tightened up since the ' 60s , but that 's a result of the legislature placing greater emphasis on violence , which might not be a bad thing . There are a lot more laws now and the police are tasked with enforcing them . It 's not my fault , nor the fault of my brethren that there are more laws on the books . In fact , if you ask most police officers , we 'd be better served with fewer laws on the books . It seems , though , that every time the legislature meets , there is always a cause de jure that results in new laws . Another problem with the way laws are written is that the concept of intent has been written out of the laws . Back in the old days , laws used to take intent into account , with verbiage that made motive part of the offense . Nowadays , intent is likely to not be addressed . The average teenager who steals an iPod or is arrested for possession of marijuana - why do we make that define their lives ? " I would submit that 40 years ago it was impossible to steal an Ipod . They didn 't exist and while theft was still illegal , you simply could not steal an Ipod . However , marijuana existed and arrests were made for possession of dope . If you want the law changed , talk to your legislator . They 're the ones that make the laws . The police only enforce them . I am reminded of a quote from Mark Twain : " No man 's life , liberty , or property is safe while the legislature is in session . " Today is PawPaw 's birthday . Fifty - eight years ago I started this trip , and I 'm not near - about through . However , at my advanced age and decrepitude , this milestone only marks another trip around the sun . She didn 't win the contest , but I believe that she has a magnificent career ahead of her . Lots of training and she should do well . Once again , Merry Christmas , everyone . We 're getting a little rain outside , along with the lightning and thunder that accompanies a winter frontal system . The dog , of course , is freaked out . He 's hiding under my desk as I surf the web . I went out to the training center to take Bud some bullets for his muzzleloading team and while I was out there I went to the rifle range to scrounge the brass bucket . I found about 30 cases of Remington 7mm Rem Mag brass , and about 10 rounds of RP 30 - 06 . There was also a bunch of . 308 brass with NATO headstamp , so I brought it home . The primers were still crimped , so I was fairly sure that it was once - fired , but I didn 't recognize the headstamp . NATO headstamp with RG 93 . I came home and found that it is made in the Royal Ordnance factory , Radway Green , in England . So , I set about decapping it and found Berdan primers . Good , thick NATO brass and not a damned thing I can do with it . There was also about 40 rounds of good Federal Gold Medal brass in the bucket . It 's already been added to my stocks . According to the Daily Caller , our Attorney General used the race card yesterday . Attorney General Eric Holder accused his growing chorus of critics of racist motivations in a Sunday interview published in the New York Times . When reached by The Daily Caller Monday morning , the Department of Justice provided no evidence to support the attorney general 's claims . There is is , plain as day , Eric plays the race card . No one 's told him , though that when the chips are down and you play the race card , you automatically lose . I 've been accused of racist motivations my whole life . When I was a child , there were real racists around . Most of them were Democrats , using truncheons and fire hoses to quell disturbances during the civil rights marches . Those days are long past , and also long past are the times when a public official can paint opponents with the RACIST brush . The first time I heard Ave Maria , it was on my Dad 's stereo . It was the Schubert version , played on trumpet by Al Hirt . Because it was the first time I 'd heard it , the Schubert became my favorite version and I eventually learned to play it on trumpet . I 'm told that the last of our troops left Iraq today . That 's probably not true . If we 've got an embassy , some poor Marine is still on watch , and some good Army supply sergeant is inventorying sheets in the supply room . My war was Desert Storm . We had troops near Baghdad , superbly trained combat troops who had just defeated everything that Saddam Hussein had in the desert . The way was clear to Baghdad and George HW Bush shut us down . Told us to stop in place . We could have ended it in another couple of days , but he bowed to coalition pressure to let a madman stay in power . If we 'd gone to Baghdad and killed Hussein , we might have averted this whole chapter . But we didn 't . We turned around and came home . You see , as a soldier , I don 't care much for politicians though I am subordinate to them . One of our great strengths as a nation is that the military is absolutely subordinate to the civil authority . The military goes where it is sent and does what it is ordered to do . HW Bush sent us into the desert to destroy an army . Once that army was destroyed , we looked longingly toward the source of the evil and HW told us that we had done what we were sent to do , that we were not allowed to destroy the head of the hydra , only to kill the body . I believe that was the greatest mistake of his presidency . Now another president has taken us out of Iraq . Let history observe that this is the second time we 've left Iraq in my lifetime , and let 's remember that a second trip should not have been necessary . Let us rejoice that the troops are coming home , but pray God that we don 't have to make a third trip . Sveral places are reporting that the Korean madman , Kim Jong - Il is dead . According to the BBC : Mr Kim , who has led the communist nation since the death of his father in 1994 , died on a train while visiting an area outside the capital , the announcement said . No tyrant should ever be allowed to die a natural death . His son is tapped to take over the country and if I were his geographical neighbor , I 'd be watching the developments in the country very , very closely . I 'm sure that South Korea and Japan are on full alert with all their intelligence apparatus working overtime . I wonder how long it will be before the Great Successor dies on a train outside the capitol ? This past summer , some of the grandkids were playing with a frisbee and was left in the backyard . After a rainstorm , we noticed that the dog liked drinking from it . He really loves mudholes and ditches and thinks that rainwater tastes great . So , we left the frisbee on the deck to collect dew and rainwater from the drip edge of the house . Today went a whole lot more smoothly than I expected . Generally , if I 'm going to have problems at the school , real problems like serious fights , it 'll be just before school releases or while they 're getting on the bus . The day before a holiday , the kids are wild as March Hares and mad as hatters . Additionally , they won 't be at school for two weeks , so if there 's any getting - even to be done , the day before a holiday is the best time to do it . Needless to say , I 'm always on high alert the last school day before a holiday . Any holiday . However , today the weather screwed with them . It started off warm and rainy and all the kids wanted to do was get out of the rain . Along about noon , the front moved through and the wind shifted around to the north . The temp dropped twenty degrees and the wind picked up . All those kids wearing shorts and no jackets got cold . All the knuckleheads wanted to go was get on the bus and go home . About fifteen minutes after school was over , the parking lot was clear and PawPaw came home . That was as nice a present as I could have hoped for . Bill Whittle has a new Firewall up . Here he proposes a voter 's guide to the Republican Party , along with historical data to back it up . Go watch . I 've gotta go back to work , and that 's a shame . Plus , we 're out of ' nilla wafers . The dog thinks that 's a shame as well . We 've seen pretenders come and we 've seen pretenders go . I 'm told today that Gallup says that Newt Gingrich 's numbers are slipping , and that 's to be expected . Pretenders come and pretenders go , and until the voting starts it 's hard to know who 'll wind up on top . Iowa and New Hampshire will start separating the sheep from the goats , and by late July or early August , we 'll know what 's up . I 'm not really worried about it . Let ' em rise or fall at their peril . Eventually we 'll pick a nominee , then we can all get behind him or her and move forward to elect a President . This is all part of the process , folks . Don 't get too worked up about it . According to the Daily Caller , 73 congressmen have signed a resolution of No Confidence in Eric Holder . Arizona Republican Rep . Paul Gosar 's office announced on Thursday morning that it has 73 cosponsors on its House of Representatives resolution of " no confidence " in Attorney General Eric Holder 's ability to serve . I , on the other hand , have lots of confidence in our Attorney General . I 'm confident that he 's obstructing justice , I 'm confident that he 's stonewalling Congress , I have every confidence that President Obama isn 't going to fire him . He 'll have to be indicted and impeached . It 's getting so that you can 't tell the players without a score card . It seems that President Obama wants to extend the payroll tax holiday , but the evil Republicans are saying that they don 't want to extend it . I thought that Obama wanted more taxes and the Republicans wanted less taxes . Weird , isn 't it ? Now , the President is threatening a government shutdown if the evil Republicans don 't extend the payroll tax cut . That 's simply the most bizarre thing I 've heard lately . The school house is picking up speed . During football season , the school is focused on football , and we 've got five home games in a standard 10 week season . All on Friday night . It 's fairly easy , not many hours at the school . When football is over , basketball begins . Twenty games in a 12 week season , ten of them at home . Then there 's soccer , which is cranking up at the same time . Yesterday I spent 14 hours at the school . Got there at 7 : 00 a . m . , locked the gates last night at 9 : 00 p . m . supporting the boy 's soccer team . Oh , we had a 9th grade basketball game as well , but that was over early . I 'll get to the school by 7 : 00 a . m . , but we ; re hosting basketball tonight . Both the boys and girls teams , so it 'll be 9 : 00 tonight before I 'm done . Wednesday is a normal school day , but on Thursday , we 've scheduled the Christmas Gala , and PawPaw is on duty for that as well . I 'll work 60 hours or more this week . I 'm not complaining , it 's what I signed up for , and I 've had jobs when I worked longer hours . Still , it cuts into the blogging . I 'll catch up with y ' all when I get the chance . Have you heard of LightSquared ? No ? Neither had I . It 's a tech company with big pockets and they 're trying to make wireless broadband possible for large numbers of people . LightSquared is a business , and I 'm generally in favor of business . However , LightSquared 's product has the ability to hurt a lot of people . Lots of people . Government testing of it 's product shows that it disrupts 75 % of the GPS recievers currently on the market . " LightSquared signals caused harmful interference to majority of GPS receivers tested , " according to the draft prepared for a meeting next week of U . S . officials reviewing the LightSquared proposal . " No additional testing is required to confirm harmful interference exists . " LightSquared , backed by $ 3 billion from Falcone 's Harbinger Capital Partners hedge fund , faces challenges from makers of global - positioning system devices who say the service will disrupt navigation by cars , boats , tractors and planes . U . S . regulators are withholding approval as they check on claims of interference . Who uses GPS ? Everybody . Airlines , the military , your cell phone , your grandmother , everyone has a GPS device of some sort . They 're everywhere , they 're in lots of electronic devices and LightSquared disrupts them . It 's like some sort of bad B - novel . This evil company comes out with a product that will disrupt navigational equipment all over the world . Our President , realizing the damage that this product will do to our economy , rides to the rescue , saving the American military , Airline passengers , the common folk trying to find the grocery store . . . . oh , wait , that didn 't happen . Obama is pushing this scheme . It seems that LightSquared 's corporate owners are big Democratic donors . Why is this important ? Philip Falcone is a big donor to the Democratic Party , and he has billions of dollars at stake in LightSquared 's approval . Also , Obama himself was an investor in LightSquared at one point , as were or are a number of his associates . The resounding failure in this test makes it look like the White House pressured witnesses to back off of exposing LightSquared 's product as exactly the kind of dangerous problem that critics had maintained all along - with the intent to mislead Congress into moving forward with LightSquared 's government contracts . The White House is trying to limit the damage , where they should be telling Falcone that his product is a failure , that it has the potential to do untold damage to GPS systems worldwide . But no , it they 're trying to derail testimony that is damaging to LightSquared . It looks as if the White House is actively supporting the disruption of millions of GPS units worldwide . It sounds like an evil plot , and of course , our President has his fingers right in the middle of it . I 've come to expect evil from our President . From Fast and Furious , to the economy , to this LightSquared mess , it looks as if he 's actively trying to damage our country . The dog and I listened to the Army Navy game . I , of course , wore my ARMY sweatshirt . The dog doesn 't have an ARMY sweatshirt , but we 'll have to see about that . Maybe something in camo , with an appropriate unit patch . The new CBS poll shows that 54 % of Americans don 't think President Obama deserves a second term . Just 41 percent of Americans think Mr . Obama has performed his job well enough to be elected to a second term , whereas 54 percent don 't think so . That doesn 't bode well for the President . Of course , with poll numbers like that , there 's only one thing that he can do . Take another vacation . We 're in full Christmas spirit here . Just back from one local Christmas parade , with a Dollar Store bag full of thrown goodies . One grandkid was marching in the high school band and we had to support that . Other grandkids are looking under the tree , wondering what the packages contain . PawPaw is relaxing with a ginger ale and bourbon . I don 't drink much ginger ale , but I was walking through the grocery last week , and a 12 - pack " flung a craving on me " . When I got home from the store and put the ginger ale on the counter , Milady asked why I 'd bought it . I told her , honestly , that I didn 't know why I bought it , but I wanted it . At my advanced age and curmudgeon status , that 's reason enough . Over at Hot Air , they 're talking about some emails that came to light recently , wherein it looks as if DOJ officials wanted to use their own illegal program to push for greater gun control regulations . CBS reporter Sharyl Attkisson has done the heavy lifting on this scandal . ATF officials didn 't intend to publicly disclose their own role in letting Mexican cartels obtain the weapons , but emails show they discussed using the sales , including sales encouraged by ATF , to justify a new gun regulation called " Demand Letter 3 ″ . That would require some U . S . gun shops to report the sale of multiple rifles or " long guns . " Demand Letter 3 was so named because it would be the third ATF program demanding gun dealers report tracing information . " Bill - can you see if these guns were all purchased from the same ( licensed gun dealer ) and at one time . We are looking at anecdotal cases to support a demand letter on long gun multiple sales . Thanks . " On Jan . 4 , 2011 , as ATF prepared a press conference to announce arrests in Fast and Furious , Newell saw it as " ( A ) nother time to address Multiple Sale on Long Guns issue . " And a day after the press conference , Chait emailed Newell : " Bill - well done yesterday … ( I ) n light of our request for Demand letter 3 , this case could be a strong supporting factor if we can determine how many multiple sales of long guns occurred during the course of this case . " If this is true , and there is no reason to doubt that it isn 't , they 're pushing their own illegal activities to push for greater regulation on law - abiding people . Holder should immediately be fired . All those folks responsible for this debacle should be indicted . We need a special prosecutor to clean house in DOJ , ATF , DEA , and all those other agencies who seem to think that they 're above the law . Phil Bourjaily talks about reducing felt recoil and shows a couple of videos that purport to show how perceived recoil can be diminished . I agree with Phil that hearing protection has a lot to do with perceived recoil at the range . If your ears don 't hurt , it doesn 't seem like the firearm kicks so much , but lots of other factors play into the equation . Stock fit , shooting position , caliber ( or gauge ) , individual body build , psychological fear , all these make recoil something to be endured , feared , or enjoyed . If you 're afraid of the gun , it 'll seem to hurt you a lot more than if you 're not afraid to shoot it . Regardless of what I was shooting , I 've never felt the recoil when I was shooting at game . Whether the recoil of a rifle from a deer stand , or shooting heavy magnums from the duck blind , if I was focused on meaty animals , I didn 't feel the recoil . In fact , I often didn 't hear the report of the gun . When I 'm teaching new shooters , grandkids , or nieces and nephews , we talk about recoil and how each gun might feel to them when they fire it . I 've had students shy away from a gun that they felt might " kick " them too much , but I 've never had them stay away long . I 've seen skinny little teenage girls handle my . 44 magnum and love it and those same girls shoot 12 gauge shotguns with relish . I 've seen grown men who didn 't like the recoil of a . 30 - 06 . It 's okay to not like something and some folks handle recoil better than others . It 's okay . There are some guns I 'm not crazy about . I don 't really like shooting heavy . 357 magnum loads , but I love shooting the . 44 magnum . Go figure . Most recoil is about perception . If you perceive it to be bad , it probably will be bad . If you perceive it to be easy to handle , it probably will be easy to handle . I can 't know all the laws ; there are simply too many of them . However , we can assume that the Attorney General has someone on his staff with a working knowledge , at least one person in Justice , who knows the applicable law in any given situation . Even so , it appears that Justice may have broken laws of which the general public is blissfully unaware . Specifically , those that disallow aiding , abetting , or materially assisting certain criminal elements in foreign countries . As in the Fast and Furious investigation . Dept of Treasury is tasked with keeping track of the things necessary to procure and indictment , but when they detect a possible violation , they are supposed to refer the facts to Justice for prosecution . Interestingly , and of serious note - if Secretary Geithner finds that the laws and programs which his Department administers have been violated , Treasury procedures mandate that the matter be referred to Eric Holder 's Justice Department for enforcement ! Perhaps the appointment of a special prosecutor is necessary after all . I 've been calling for a special prosecutor in this matter for several months now . There 's no way that the IG at Justice is going to serve any useful purpose , except to give cover to Holder . It 's time to appoint a special prosecutor . I see tonight that LSU and Alabama are going to meet again at the Superdome for the national championship . Going over the records , I see that the BCS National Championship since 2006 has been an SEC lock . Florida in ' 06 , LSU in ' 07 , Florida in 08 , Alabama in ' 09 and Auburn in ' 10 . All SEC teams , all great football programs . This year , it will be an SEC lock again , when LSU meets Alabama . I 'm sure it will be a great game , and certainly one for the record books . And , regardless who wins , it will be yet another SEC championship . Looking forward to Obamacare , it 's only natural to see how other countries are implementing socialized healthcare so that we can avoid the pitfalls . This heartwarming story from Sweden . A man from Nyköping in eastern Sweden has been denied a power wheelchair despite having had both of his legs amputated as the local health authority remained " uncertain if the impairment was permanent " . I 'd say that if you chopped his legs off , the situation is permanent , but what do I know ? Maybe it 's reversable ? Not much this weekend , simply a short video of the dog chasing his ball . We 've been unbelievably busy this week and the dog has suffered from a lack of attention . I 'm sure that it will forever scar his tender psyche . Edit * * A small keyboard and the inability to edit photos conspired against me . Still , the technology that we use today is simply amazing . I get better cell phone reception in my deer stand than I get in my living room . A prominent Saudi cleric has opined that if women are allowed to drive , the country will not have any virgins . Seriously . Repealing a ban on women drivers in Saudi Arabia would result in ' no more virgins ' , the country 's religious council has warned . I was wandering about the school today , particularly the student parking lot , when I noticed something that I had noticed earlier , a hole in the chain - link fence . Several years ago , a tree had fallen on that fence and the custodian at the time had used a piece of chain - link to patch the hole . Some industrious students had re - opened the hole so they could sneak out of the back of the school , for the pleasures of the local convenience stores and the city park . I decided that the thing to do was to patch the hole . The educational system frowns on the students skipping class , and that corner is hard to watch . So , this afternoon on my way home from work , I stopped at the local hardware store . This store caters to the suburban home owner , but I took the chance that they 'd have what I needed . " I 'm looking for some hog ring pliers . " The guy didn 't know what to think , but we went to the tool aisle and in short order found a hog ring plier , made by Decker . Then I told the guy I needed some hog rings . " All we 've got is shoat rings . Will that do ? " So , we 've got this kid working in a hardware store that doesn 't understand what a shoat might be . I explained it to him . Then , I demonstrated how the pliers and the ring work together by clamping one of the shoat rings on a parts rack . Then , I had to explain to the checkout girl what a hog ring tool does , and what a shoat might be . A couple of customers listened with interest . I have done my part to educate the suburban population on the proper application of a hog ring . I 'm a grandpaw who has lived a life of adventure , and resent having to slow down . I 've been a Tank Commander , a Company Commander , an MP . My main career has been law enforcement , with 30 years and counting . At this stage of my life , the most important people in my life call me PawPaw . You 've come to PawPaw 's House . Sit back and enjoy .
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As such , although many authors say in their blogs that they live and breath and talk about nothing but writing all the time , and would like to leave their blog as a place to do anything but , I am someone that can not figure out how that makes any sense at all . I live and breath and bask in my many , many worlds , and in all the many lives of their occupants . . . I honestly couldn 't have a blog talk about anything else even if I wanted to . So , this blog will contain many things that are writing . Some of it will be me babbling about the my attempts at hammering together a book , others will be free short - stories to lose yourselves with . For those who have been around here for a bit , you know what ' Natural Selection ' is ( the rest of you should look at the list over there , and catch up ) . I have mentioned that I wanted to do another one , but slightly different . While I have been trying not to put too much thought into it while I " m presently working on finishing a novel , I did try doing at least one story for it that I was going to try to put together for a mag submission . But , I never really got anywhere with it . I started it , but then just completely lost the direction to get it where I wanted it to go . What I have I think is at least somewhat interesting , but not what it 's supposed to be at all . It doesn 't tie in right with the universe I created so far for ' Natural Selection . ' Although the character concept I have in this will probably be what I 'm keeping , except for a slight timeline change , everything else would most likely get changed . And yes , I started writing this back during last year 's seemingly unending ' Snowmageddon . ' Another snowfall - at least " snow " is what we called it . I 'm of the last generation who would remember when snow reflected memories of child play and laughter - but now the word " snow " was simply what we called it hoping we didn 't think of what it really was . Hoping that memories of the sweet smell of frozen rain would replace the bitter stench so thick that you had no choice but to taste it - and always know what it really was . They have been hunting us throughout this world since I was a child . I remember when they first came - the ground was covered with real snow then , from a real snow fall the night before . I was excited to see it , as any child would have been - no school , snowmen and snow forts fully armed with snowballs to build - but I barely left my front door when the ground shook casting the loose snow through the air . The sky opened up as if a gaping hole was being torn open , and the whole of what was the sky became filled with a mass so large that it appeared to have no edges . I had no idea what I was seeing ; I had no idea how I was supposed to react to it . I stared in wonder , like one the many science fiction novels I 've read just came to life before me . Everyone was outside , staring upward , as uncertain as I was - my mother was there holding my little sister , but I barely registered their presence as I was enthralled by the mass that just replaced the sky . We ran as those who didn 't run fast enough became scorched bones and ash . Eventually we gathered and mass a means to fight back , but the strategies constantly failed against their forces only to eventually evolve only in learning to hide as they tore this whole world apart . Fear became the normal state of being . After they cut through the masses of us , rumors started that they were capturing some of us . No one knew why , but many had their own ideas , from past stories of creatures from the beyond collecting us to experiment on . The stories were always seen as only stories , until now when so much of them were already beginning to look so true . So , ' Natural Selection ' is done , and all that remains of it is the past posts that you can read and re - read ' til your foot gets stuck from kicking yourself in the ass for not pushing for me to continue the project . But don 't fear , as a bonus for you , I shall provide you here with the DVD Extras . These are bits that I wrote in ' Elimination ' that ended up getting changed for one reason or another , some of the bits got recycled , in what you got , while the rest was simply left in the scrap file ( I 'm sure I had to of mentioned this before , and if I haven 't , I am now : never delete large amounts of writing no matter how bad you think it is , always put it in a scrap file . There will always be bits in it that you 'll find useful that you would have lost otherwise - plus , it gives you something to put on your website to appeal to the fans - I 'm going to have those some day ) This is the original version of how it started just after Bahb hit the button . I tried writing Father with a cliché Southern - draw , so trying to figure out his dialog was always interesting , making this speech fun to write , but in the end , it was just too much " blah , blah , blah " with nothing happening and was killing the pace . So , I pushed back the zombies ( the fight with them was going to start in this story , but then decided it was more dramatic to end it with them coming ) , I put Bahb 's guards back because I couldn 't figure out any way to get him a weapon that wouldn 't just leave him hiding behind the aliens for most of the story ( even though most of his efforts of fighting were useless , I needed to keep the concept of him not backing down - since that 's the direction that kept getting chosen , so I wanted to keep that reflected as such ) : There was a slight pause , and a popping sound that came from the other PA speakers , and Fathers voice came over all of them at once , " Attention , my children , this is your father . It would seem that Hell has opened its floodgates and we are in the direct path of its fury . You are the greatest of a whole new species of mankind - now is the time that you must prove yourselves ! Now is the time you must fight for the survival of this species ! Defend our children , defend our families - " The glass chambers started rising up in sync and the two grotesque creatures slumped over and dropped to the flood with a wet slosh , and with tentacles splayed about randomly . They lay limp and seemly lifeless in pools of excess liquid . Just as Bahb began to work up the courage to try to check them for signs of life , the being he knew as Soo began to move a tentacle , and then another , and then started to push herself upright . Shortly after , the other began to do the same . " That would be - " A piercing pain shot through Bahb 's mind , with him clasping his head with his arms , barely managing to stay on his feet . He suddenly heard the sound of thousands of voices , frantic and screaming . Slowly the voices began to calm , and filter down to fewer and fewer , until Bahb heard a conversation between only two . " Present tense - I still can , " Bahb responded , " And I really don 't know the how of it . There 's another voice that I 've been hearing since I got here , aside from Scarlet 's and yers . I assumed it was me losing my mind , but then the crazy started becoming a bit more functional that is probably normal for crazy . " " Gesundheit … " Bahb responded , " Ok , that joke is weirder when it 's in my head . You mean that Jorje guy from the cemetery ? What about ' im ? " " They should have been here at least a month ago … " Soo said , " The hibernation must have weakened the signal … I am not sure what they were doing between time … no matter , the elimination has begun , and we must complete the mission now … " " Ok … . Gaun … what 's the plan ? If you two are gonna start escaping , that 's fine , but I still gotta find Scarlet before I go anywhere - with or without the either of you , " Bahb paused , " But , I 'm not gonna lie , I 'd rather have at least one of you incase I come up against another Evo along the way . " And this is the alternate final fight between Bahb and Soo . Originally , Bahb actually got Father 's pistol - cannon , because I just completely loved the idea behind that gun , but after re - reading what I wrote , I declared that the fact that I just juiced Bahb up like a Super - Evo wasn 't really being sold the way it needed to be . So , I took away the gun , pointed out the healing , the reflexes , the strength , and just hand - to - hand stuff : Kk ' vin began climbing down the wall as the gate closed . He walked passed the farming zone where a group of children laughed as they played a game chasing each other through the corn field . He took in the sights of his family in the Church of the Evolution hard at work , allowing the compound to flow seamlessly . Father was only gone a short while retrieving Kk ' rin , but Kk ' vin hoped that the time of him being in charge would make his Father proud . Kk ' vin sat outside , anxiously waiting for any news of his sister as the door to the sterilized room finally opened up . One of his brethren came out dressed in pure white , randomly blotched with red , carrying what looked like a bundle of blankets . Kk ' vin would have concluded that he was simply disposing of a pile of soiled linen , if the bundle didn 't suddenly begin to scream with a screeching wail . Kk ' rin lay on a cot attached to the wall of a cell she had been in many times before as her version of a " time - out . " They were still examining , poking , and prodding and every other kind of test they could think of , on her neonate son in a complex just a building over . She could feel every sensation running through the child 's mild in wonder of all the new sights so clearly , they almost felt like her own . It was an odd feeling of displacement - a growing consciousness for nine months inside of you , blind to anything beyond you , but now a building over and seeing everything . She found him in the lab with the creature . He watched as the tentacled thing hibernated in its tube . She could hear single words being transmitted , " Violation , " " Elimination , " and " Retrieval ! " She quickly sought out the mind of Bahb , and , though it was much further away , she was able to find it almost instantly , as it was a mind she looked for many times before and knew it well . So far , he was alive and well , riding into a town towards a saloon - but the sensation of another well known mind wasn 't far behind him - Kk ' vin . His purpose wasn 't difficult to determine , as his mind was flooded with determination to find his target and make his Father proud . Kk ' vin watched as the tube filled and the odd liquid surrounded the other creature . Father looked over at Kk ' vin and he awaited his disappointment . He failed his mission to dispose of Bahb as he was told , and lead him to their home . " Failed me ? " Father interrupted , " You mean the Bahb fella not being dead ? Don 't you worry yourself about that , my boy , you went up against the scorn of your sister to get to him , and you would have definitely been a much better man than I if you had succeeded through that . Besides , after examining the child , I have some interesting ideas that could make Bahb worth having around . " He gathered five of his brethren , and they prepped and mounted their horses . They directed towards the gate , and started heading towards the west where the Church of the Evolution 's attackers came from . It wasn 't too difficult for Kk ' vin to pickup on their trail , with the burning of psychic energy from both of them there was the think odor of a thunderstorm deep in his own mind . " We need to get back to the compound ! We need to warn them ! " Kk ' vin yelled at anyone still living and capable of following his orders . Blazing a trail of re - dead bodies through a field of still determined bodies , with the rest of his party lost to join the piles , Kk ' vin was able to reach the compound gate . Sounds of battle came from the other side , and he had feared that he was some how too late . He grabbed his pistol - blade by the hilts and stabbed them into the wall , using them to pull his way upward . As he reached the top , he saw the entire Church in the thralls of battle against one of the creatures , and mostly losing . What am I supposed to do now ? Father 's pistol - cannon is still over there - should I get that ? What about the blood , I don 't have Kk ' vin 's anymore , but what if I used Scarlet 's , or any of these other dead Evos ? Why do I have this odd sensation that I should be steampunk ? What am I supposed to do ? I awoke in my bed in a cold sweat . I got up from my bed and walked out to the living area . Uncle Gaun was there plucking at a data pad . You may notice that I 'm almost a full week behind on my weekly posts . Part of this was being busy with a lot of things ; the other part was that I was trying to decide what I want to do with the continuation of ' Natural Selection . ' As it is , I have 2 votes ( I 'm not counting the one person who voted for ' other ' on title with no suggestion , or giving a vote on the theme - that in itself irritated me enough to lead to my present state of thinking on this whole thing ) . This project is intended to be fun for both my blog readers , and myself . If I 'm not getting any votes from those reading , then I 'm only to assume this indicates that you are not interested , and therefore , no fun from you is being had . And , in turn , this means I am also not having as much fun , especially if I start to feel like I 'm practically begging and spamming for votes - that part is in no way fun for me . These rules apply immediately - meaning , the poll has now been running since June 11 , 2013 … today 's June 22 , it 's now 11 days old ; there are only 17 days left before I declare this project dead ( that 's July 9 ) . If the readers that really want to see what happens next want this project to continue , then you may want to get to work on getting some votes in . I promote most of my posts on my FB , Twitter , etc at least once after posting , but for the polls , I have been pushing a bit more to try to get votes - I will no longer be doing that ; they will now be given the same one time promo as everything else - the rest is up to you . As mentioned , we are nearing the anniversary of the blog , and as such , the anniversary of ' Natural Selection ' - it was technically born on FB about a month earlier , but I 'll consider that the gestation period - it was born here , July 31 , 2012 . So the subject matter will be what to do about the continuation of ' Natural Selection . ' I am really open to any ideas right now . Another thing that 's been bugging me since near the end of the first one , should I do something different with title ? ' Natural Selection ' was a title that I came up with a couple parts in because it was simply a great play on words that worked for everything … story , concept , etc . But … the story is slightly shifted , most of the Church of the Evolution has been killed , though the Selection is still a thing . The final part got a subtitle of " Elimination ' a slight word play , that was actually one of the titles I was also considering , but decided it fit better there . " Now , Bahb - can I call you Bahb ? " Father 's voice came through the PA speaker , " I feel as though we may not have gotten off on quite the right foot . Just walk on over and unlatch that door for me , and we can perhaps try starting over - have ourselves a nice little sit down and a chat about everything . We 're both civilized gentlemen , aren 't we now ? " " Who - oh , yes , Kk ' rin . She was using other names , wasn 't she ? Well , I promise you , ' Scarlet ' is just fine , she 's simply being detained at the moment - you see , she can be quite the handful when she 's emotional - " The glass chambers started rising up in sync and the two grotesque creatures slumped over and dropped to the floor with a wet slosh , and with tentacles splayed about randomly . They lay limp and seemly lifeless in pools of excess liquid . Just as Bahb began to work up the courage to try to check them for signs of life , the being he knew as Soo began to move a tentacle , and then another , and then started to push herself upright . Shortly after , the other began to do the same . " Are you going to save us now ? " the still unknown voice asked in Bahb 's mind . Bahb looked at the two and noticed they didn 't react to the voice , " They never hear me … " " That doesn 't help assure my state of sanity much … " Bahb responded , which got a silent glance from Soo . Bahb looked between the two aliens , " If you and yer naked friend here are just gonna stand here mind zapping each other , I 'm gonna go back to finding Scarlet now . " The two draped the coats around themselves and followed Bahb to the main lab . As soon as they came into view of the large window by the door , Bahb 's two guards quickly un - holstered a set of pistol - blades . Wish I saw those earlier , would have been a lot more useful than a paper - blade . Soo and the other moved in front of Bahb with a fluid motion that resembled large serpents with limbs forming into long thin blades . With terrified expressions Bahb had never before seen on the face of any Evo , the blades sliced through the door and window - wall like they were air , skewering into the heads of the guards . Not one got a single shot off from even a reflexed reaction before the lights left their eyes . The two retrieved their blades and the guards dropped to the corridor floor like giant puppets with their strings severed . " Ok … . Gaun … what 's the plan ? If you two are gonna start escaping , that 's fine , but I still gotta find Scarlet before I go anywhere , " Bahb stated while retrieving his guards ' holster - belts and pistol - blades , and strapping them to himself . " Bahb ! Where are you ! " Scarlet 's voice suddenly screamed through his mind with its same refrain , but with an added jolt that sent a writhing pain that brought Bahb instantly to his knees , only to hear his own screaming like a distant thunder . Soo approached Bahb and placed her fingertips to his temples and the pain seeped away like a tide , " You are still tethered . Why would their Father not have - " Soo stopped in mid - sentence as if her line of question also drew her to an answer , " We will come with you to find … Scarlet . " After following the tether through the maze of a construct that seemed to be a prison , a laboratory , and a dormitory all in one , they found an exit . They stood outside the building and Bahb took a moment to gain his bearings . Several yards ahead , he could see the gate had been reconstructed after Soo 's handy work . The tether seemed to direct towards another building that looked like a smaller version of the one they just left . Bahb directed a fist armed with a pistol - blade towards the destination and began to relay to his companions the heading , but was stopped short as a herd of Evos came at them with pistol - blades of their own . Bahb opened fire with both hands , as Soo and Gaun did their dances of bladed destruction against the unending wall of Evos . Father responded pulling a weapon from a back holster Bahb had never seen before . It had a barrel not much different than that of his pistol - blade , but below it , instead of the blade , another barrel was mounted with a much larger caliber than the top . Father squeezed off a round that announced itself with exploding thunder , sending a missile of a bolt through the chest of a surprised Soo . Soo 's was putting herself back to her feet at her wound began repairing itself like black threads being quickly drawn across by an army of unseen spiders . Father turned with his pistol - cannon taking aim towards her and Bahb drew the two other pistol - blades he had strapped to him . Bahb sent the bolts to a course , with one at Father 's head , the other at his chest . Father reacted to the sound of Bahb 's thunder , but only just too late , as the round to his head only blew - off his brimmed black hat , but the other made home where his heart lived . Father let out a gasp , as his feet staggered and danced for control below him . He fell to his knees as he continued to struggle against his failing body . Bahb knew from his experience with Kk ' vin that despite Father 's injury that would have been mortal to anyone else , he would recover , so Bahb sent another bolt between his eyes , snapping his head back , and knocking him hard to the ground , splayed like a frail broken thing with a lake of blood forming beneath . Bahb took an adrenaline induced sprint in the direction of the plea . With Gaun still holding back the horde , he covered the ground between with nothing standing in his way . He made it to a door that seemed to practically throb as his tether drew him to it . A heavy jolt came down across Bahb 's back , knocking him instantly to the ground , forcing the wind out of him , and sending stars across his vision . Through the ringing in his head , Bahb heard a familiar gasp , " Oh ' my - Bahb ! " Scarlet send in surprise as she dropped the torn off sink she made into her weapon , " I am so sorry - are you ok ? What the hell are you doing here ? " " No … " Scarlet said with a concerned gasp as she lowered her hands , " I 'm so sorry , Bahb … it was my fault … I … I just didn 't know . " " I didn 't put anything new in your mind , Bahb , I only turned on a connection that was already there . I didn 't know , Bahb … you 're the first . No one could have known , that 's what made you so dangerous … that 's why - " Her word broke off as a shadow was cast over them from the doorway , " You ! " She yelled , as she suddenly picked up Bahb 's pistol - blade from the ground and fired off several rounds . Soo leaped out from the doorway and the light pour through and bathed over Bahb liked fire as the screaming continued . The fire lowered to a light searing as Kk ' vin 's giant frame blotted out the sun , and Bahb could hear Kk ' vin 's screams only barely over his own mind , " Kk ' rin ! No ! " He saw Kk ' vin kneel down in front of him with his pistol - blade in hand . As he brought up the blade , Bahb thought - he hoped - Kk ' vin was taking his vengeance on him and taking the chance to end his life - end the screaming . But as Bahb waited for the sensation of life being drawn out of him by Kk ' vin 's blade , he saw him crouch down lower , his hot breath inches from Bahb 's ear , " Father told me that you are somehow special , " Kk ' vin began , " I don 't know how much of this you can understand right now - assuming yer small mind ever could - but our blood , is a hybrid of theirs . We were created to be the new species , separate from you … we were their weapons - their defense against enemies they convinced us we had . Kk ' rin … Scarlet … she was special too , she and I … we were Father 's true children . When she met you , things went wrong … she broke the rules . Kk ' vin continued , " I 'm not strong enough to beat them , Bahb … but … I can make you strong enough . My blood … it 's not as pure enough to make it permanent , but it will make you like us - better than us - strong enough to beat them . You have to beat them , Bahb . " The weight of Kk ' vin 's limp body crushed Bahb beneath , but as the thick , salty fluid made its way through him , he could feel Kk ' vin becoming lighter . The screaming began to seep away like dieing embers . Bahb could feel power coursing through him , charging him until his muscles ripped with eagerness . He threw Kk ' vin off of him as if the mountain became a pebble . With a final enraged glance at Scarlet 's remains , Bahb took up his and Kk ' vin 's pistol - blades to hand , and charge through the door , scanning the compound , seeking his prey . Gaun was in the center of everything still battling Evos , and off , standing by the gate , waiting as if she now possessed all the time in the world , was Soo , embracing the bundle that contained his son - the last essence of Scarlet . Bahb charged toward her , stray bullets from the Gaun and Evo battle whistling past him , with him giving them only a flinching dodge with reflexes that seemed almost possessed . His heart thumped in his ears as he took aim towards Soo , firing both barrels to her chest and head , just as he assaulted Father not long ago . She just barely slithered out of the path before the bolts made home behind her . She placed his child to the ground and charged towards him . She thrust her blade arms at Bahb . He ducked and dodged her left , only to be struck down by her right , slicing a gash down his back from his neck to his tailbone , going deeper as it went . The pain burned , but his body healed and repaired with a thick , pink scar before he even had time to react . Father moaned , and Bahb jumped , almost sending a bolt through him before he just barely stopped himself , “… so arrogant … I failed them … I failed my children … I was so arrogant … " " You … you … stop them … all … they 're coming … you have to … stop them … " Father got out before the lights finally left his eyes , and the hand gripping the hilt of his pistol - cannon opened and fell limp . Before Bahb could gain a steady grip on the pistol - cannon , Soo sent a blade across Bahb 's wrist , severing his hand from it . Bahb yelled , more in alarm than pain , as the amputated limb barely had a chance to be exposed to air before it was already creating a new , fresh skinned hand . Bahb flexed his new fingers that were now better than ever . He turned just in time to catch another of Soo 's blades aimed for his head . He dodged , and moved in , taking her by the neck . He squeezed his fingers around as she fought and flailed , screaming her displeasure . Soo sent a blade through his gut . He could feel it all the way through , as it nicked intestines , pieced his stomach , and attempted to sever his spine on its way out through his back and making an exit slicing through his side . But his body continued to heal as quickly as the injuries formed . Bahb stood his ground and waited for his prey to come to him . But Gaun didn 't come for him . Instead he broke off , and made his way towards Father . Bahb jumped half - way up the gate and clawed his way to the rest . As he gazed over he saw Gaun walking back the way he had once come with Soo towards a giant setting sun . Silhouetted all around Gaun coming towards the compound seemed to be thousands of staggering corpses . Bahb 's eyes grew , as he remembered the odd moment with Soo in the cemetery . Blog at WordPress . com . Outright GeekeryWe Geek Out ! Global NewsVarietyConsumeristCBS ChicagoChicago News , Sports , Weather , Traffic , and the Best of Chicago - CBS 2 TV | WBBM Newsradio 780 | 670 The ScoreCBS San FranciscoNews , Sports , Weather , Traffic and the Best of SFNaked SecurityComputer Security News , Advice and ResearchAuthor Amanda FaithLet My Imagination Be Your Escape . 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I 've been dreading this weekend for weeks , if not months . The date has been staring at me from the calendar like the popular girl daring me to sit at her lunch table . It is known as the unofficial start of summer - or Memorial Day Weekend . The past several years , I looked forward to the opening weekend of our pool with great excitement . I had a collection of no less than twenty bikinis , which I wore proudly . Last summer , I was a little less comfortable than usual because I had started gaining weight . This year , well , let 's just say the bikinis are still in hibernation . An additional twenty pounds can be a little hard on a girl 's ego . I made the dreaded trip to acquire a bathing suit and to my surprise was able to find a cute tankini ( with a skirt bottom ) that made me look okay and not as matronly as I was expecting . Sure I was wearing more than a teen at her high school graduation , but I was comfortable . My weight gain was no one else 's business and the more covered up I was , the better I felt . I walked into the pool with great apprehension . We 've been members of this pool for the last several years and therefore know the majority of the members . The first day of the pool is always an inventory of how tall the kids got and who gained or lost weight . I know first - hand because I 've sat there and done it myself . So , I quickly found a lounge chair and spent an incredibly ridiculous amount of time getting set up with towels , sunscreen , and drinks . I finally settled into my lounge chair refusing to look around . I really wasn 't prepared for the gasps that I knew were coming from everyone once their eyes rested on me and they could see my weight gain . Of course I could only spend so much time looking at my Diet Coke , so I finally looked around and no one was looking at me . Wait , what ? That 's right . No one was looking at ME ! Everyone was paying attention to their children , or their friends , or their own Diet Coke . No one cared about my weight gain . If they did , they at least had the decency to hide it well . Once I realized the entire pool wasn 't pointing and staring at me , I got the courage to get up and walk around to talk to people I hadn 't seen since the pool closed last September . I had a great time socializing and was even told I looked great a time or two . Great ? I look great ? Is that possible ? Why , hell yes it is ! I 'm a little pissed at myself for wasting energy on something so trivial and vain . Unfortunately , I 'm fairly certain I 'm not the only person that does that . There have been far too many magazine covers consumed by " getting bikini ready " articles over the last few months for me to think I 'm alone in this delusional thinking . Unfortunately , I wasted a whole hour of what could have been socializing on staring at my can of Diet Coke worried that people thought I was fat . What ? Yeah , it sounds as ridiculous to me now as it does to you . At the time , well , I was absolutely certain that my world would come crashing down as soon as I revealed my lily white skin . I had a great weekend . I caught up with friends , ate some great BBQ , got a sunburn , and the world didn 't end . Ain 't nobody got time for that ! Every time I feel like giving up on this blog and the facebook page , the universe seems to have something else in mind . I 've had a pretty crappy couple of months as far as my overall fitness goes . I 've gained weight . Of course that comes as no great surprise considering I 've basically stopped working out and I 've been eating like a homeless person at Thanksgiving dinner . So I thought , " who wants to hear fitness stuff from ME ? " I started this blog and the facebook page because I was so excited about everything I was learning about fitness , nutrition , and losing weight . It was all clicking for me and I couldn 't believe I had learned all this information that other people may not know . I was on a roll ! Then the last year or so I 've struggled . My motivation has been so up and down it needs it 's own Prozac prescription . My eating … well , let 's just say I 've rediscovered my bad habits of cereal and Pop Tarts in the evenings . I 've joined new gyms , tried new classes , blah blah blah . Nothing seems to make a difference . I 'm still struggling . I 've gone from hitting spin class several times a week , strength training , and stellar nutrition to working long hours sitting on my ass and shoving anything in my face with more than 20 carbs . Then it occurred to me that the people who would want to hear from me are the people who are just like me . Okay , well maybe you 're not quite as fabulously demented as I am , but I digress . Here 's the deal . I don 't work out every day . There are some months I don 't work out at all . I don 't eat CLEAN . I eat sugar and drink diet coke . I eat Pop Tarts and pizza . I struggle trying to find time to be both a kick - ass mom and having a kick - ass ass . Some days I have so much work to do the last thing on my mind is exercising . There are days I think I can actually feel my thighs expanding . I 've picked the least dirty clothes out of the hamper to give my kids to wear to school because I just didn 't have enough time or energy to do another frigging load of laundry . The short of it - I 'm human . Although I know exactly what to eat and how to exercise to get that " perfect " body , I just don 't have the energy for that shit . I 'm a 38 year old mom who would just like to jiggle a little less . I would like to be able to spend time with my kids without wanting to poke their eyes out because I 'm so tired . I would like to go to bed knowing that I 've put out all the fires my job requires so I don 't get fired from said job . ( I don 't want to be an actual homeless person even though I may eat like one at times . ) I want all the important people in my life to actually feel important . And if the laundry gets done , that 's a bonus . I 'm no fitness expert . I AM your fitness girlfriend . ( Not THAT kind of girlfriend . I 'm a girl who is your friend , as my 8 year old says . ) I have a lot of knowledge but I 'm not so smart that I think I know it all . If you read this blog , I hope you know I 'm here to inspire the " every woman " . There may be days where the inspiration is " Damn ! I worked out today and she didn 't . HA ! " . Or it may be , " I haven 't worked out in a week , but hey , neither has that fitness blogger . I 'm NORMAL ! " OR maybe you just want to read my stuff because I 'm ridiculously hilarious . Share this : EmailTwitterPrintFacebookPinterestRedditLike this : Like Loading . . . Posted in Finding Balance , Fitness as a Priority , Self - Improvement Tagged balance , body image , friends , mental fitness , Motivation , Physical exercise , Weight loss Uh Oh ! Are You A Bully ? These kids are bullied for so many stupid things . They are different , they are gay , they are small , or big , they are too fat or too skinny , they believe in Jesus , or they don 't . Whatever it is these bullies decide is " wrong " with them , these victims are relentlessly reminded of it . Oh and it 's not just at school anymore . It 's on facebook , twitter , blogs , wherever . These kids can 't escape it . There 's no safe haven for them . In some cases the parents figure out what 's going on and step in and something gets done about it . I suspect we don 't hear much about those cases . It 's the cases where these kids keep it all bottled up inside . Or the parents ' plea for help falls on deaf ears at the schools . Perhaps even the schools ' hands are tied . For whatever reason , these kids find this bullying so completely unbearable they just can 't possibly live with it anymore . It 's not just kids , of course . I read an article the other day that a German model living in the UK committed suicide . It is suspected it may have had to do with on - line trolls bashing her for her appearance . A model ! Think about how you talk to yourself . Let me write that again . THINK . ABOUT . HOW . YOU . TALK . TO . YOURSELF . Are you a bully ? Do you look in the mirror and curse yourself for your appearance . Do you say disparaging things to yourself because of cellulite ? Do you have a bad day because of a number on a scale ? Do you call yourself fat ? Worthless ? Don 't be a bully . Be kind to yourself . The victims of bullies are tortured . It changes how they feel about themselves . Maybe they didn 't know they had a big nose . But for the rest of their life that 's all they 'll think about in regard to their appearance . Why would you do that to yourself ? Imagine if your son , daughter , brother , sister , or friend came home and said someone made rude remarks about their appearance . Imagine if you were standing in line at the grocery store and some bitch behind you told you that your ass was huge . Um , really ? No , it 's time to put a stop to this . It 's time to stop bullying . If you remember , I was super hot and thin when I met my husband ( why yes , the description of myself does get better and better with each part of my story ) . Then we decided to have a baby . And then another . So here we are in a new home , in a new state , starting a new life . We have no family or friends here . We have a three year old and an infant and we settle into that . We go to work , come home , worship our babies until their bedtime and then fall into exhausted lumps on the couch . Welcome to our 30s . The only thing we were missing was a white picket fence . Sure , there 's talk of getting in shape . There were even a couple hundred dollars thrown in the general direction of a gym we never went to ( again ) . We just didn 't want that worse than we wanted to lay around on the couch and talk about how fat and tired we were . We were settling . And we really enabled each other with this . I would tell him I was really okay with the way I looked ( even though I 'm sure I wasn 't deep down ) as long as I could keep doing what I was doing . I was willing to trade the drive thru meals for bigger pants , as long as they didn 't get any bigger . My husband would say the same to me . And we would confirm to each other that of course we loved the other just the way we were . In August 2006 we went back home for vacation . We saw my family and his . We also saw a lot of friends . Some who we had seen fairly recently and some who we hadn 't seen in years . I was shocked to see a lot of these people had also " settled " into their lives . I could see myself in them . They were working parents and just as exhausted as we were . The bigger pants they were wearing was the price they paid , that we all paid , for the life we were " living " . The life where work and kids take over and there 's no time for anything else . The time in your life where you put yourself on the back burner because everything else requires so much attention . These babies aren 't going to take care of themselves ! And babies spit up a lot so there 's tons of little laundry . I realized I was more worried about creating a perfect life than I was about enjoying it . That included taking care of myself . Don 't get me wrong . I was NOT judging any of these people . As I said , I saw a reflection of myself in them . I had no room to judge anyone . We were the same . We also saw some people who looked absolutely amazing . They were also working parents and living their lives , but they fit in taking care of themselves . THAT was when I decided I wanted to change my reflection . I wanted to change what was staring back at me . Oh , sure ! I had said that one hundred bazillion times before . But this time ? This time is serious ! I 'm going to do this . I didn 't want to look the way I did anymore . I was no longer willing to accept double digit clothing for an eggroll at the drive thru . I vowed then and there I would make a change . I didn 't want until " tomorrow " . I didn 't say , " oh , I 've already screwed today up , I 'll start Monday " . None of that . I decided that moment I would start making better decisions . Seeing myself in those I knew while seeing what I could still be , THAT was my aha moment . The lady who has been doing my eyebrows ( I get them threaded ) for the longest had been on maternity leave , so I hadn 't seen her in several months . I walked in and she recognized me right away , even remembering my name . I thought that was pretty impressive . She did her thing and I was done in just a few minutes , as usual . We do the whole small talk thing and sometimes I can 't exactly understand what she 's saying due to her thick accent . I 'll be honest , sometimes I just smile and nod . I know she probably does the same and I 'm cool with that . On this particular day she said , " oh , you have put on some weight , yes ? " . I smiled and nodded yes . Then said , " wait , what ? ! " She was smiling very brightly , as people often do when giving a genuine compliment and said , " you have put on some weight . Your face , it 's very full . You look good . " Did this bitch just call me fat ? Her words and her face totally didn 't match . She was smiling as if she were very proud , but those words - those were nothing to be proud of ! Now , of course I know I 'm not fat . ( Although I have definitely not been as committed to my work outs as I would like . ) But I immediately went on the defensive . My response to her was some mumbling version of , " oh yeah , I probably have . Thank you . " The dude that was waiting his turn ( yes , apparently dudes get their eyebrows threaded too ) had an " OH SNAP ! " look on his face . I won 't lie . I was devestated when I left there . I called my hubby and he didn 't answer . I had to run some errands for work . So , I went to an office where I 've developed a good friendship with some of the girls that work there ( had to pick up something for my office ) and relayed the story to these girls . They had the proper , " oh no she didn 't " response . And they let me complain about it , all the while telling me how great I look . Hubby had a similar response . ( Which is what supportive people are supposed to do when you are acting completely irrationally . ) After a couple of days I could laugh about it . I know that eyebrow lady genuinely meant what she was saying as a compliment . It was in no way any type of insult . Of course , I was a little sensitive since I hadn 't worked out in some time , so I let it get to me . ( I also have a new eyebrow lady . ) I almost let simple words of another change the way I feel about myself . I determine my self worth . I create my own truth . No one else . Don 't let anyone else create yours ! You smell what I 'm cookin ' ? Do you ever get the feeling that people are trying to shove something down your throat ? Whether it 's their religion or the way they eat , people are passionate about their beliefs . Tiffany ( aka Workout Girl ) and I have both experienced this . We were discussing it today and both realized we were writing a post about it . We decided to combine our posts for a joint effort . We both think it 's important to understand that people understand they need to find what works for them . I am obsessive . There , I said it . That line I 've written " when I do something I go all in " ? What that translates into is " when I do something I am totally , completely obsessed with it " . I live , eat , and breathe that " thing " . Whatever my " thing " of the moment is . It usually doesn 't take long until I move on to a new thing . Being obsessive is exhausting , after all . My latest obsession , fitness , has outlasted all others because there are so many different facets to be obsessed with . First , I found the Couch to 5K . So , I read everything there was to read about running , shoes , clothes , safety , gait , training methods , etc . Then I moved on to food , learning what each food and macronutrient did to or for my body . What super foods were . If it were a hoax . Foods to speed up my metabolism . Foods that slow it down . Next up was fitness , learning how different exercises effected the muscles . What type of training was most effective ; cardio , strength , both , HIIT , group classes , etc . I got certified as a trainer , I started a facebook page , I started this blog . See what I mean ? Obsessed . Then I hit a wall . I was doing too much ; spreading myself too thin . I was spending more time on the computer than I was with my family . It was no longer fun . What the hell ? It 's not like I 'm getting paid for this . I write because I love to . I do the facebook page because it seems to inspire people . But , if I 'm writing out of obligation , you aren 't getting a genuine representation of me . When I 'm facebooking out of obligation , you aren 't getting the right kind of support . I have a desire to help people so obviously I don 't want to stop . But something 's got to give . What 's an obsessed person to do ? I 'll tell you what this obsessed person did . I gave up facebook . For three days . It was uncomfortable at first . Facebook is like my pacifier . I go to it if I 'm bored , need a distraction , sitting at a stop light too long , near a computer … you get the idea . I would pick up my phone out of habit . I would sit at the computer and start logging in before I even realized what I was doing . But , I stopped myself . I didn 't peek or cheat . After the first day , I was less curious about what was happening and didn 't feel like I was missing out on anything . By the third day , it was complete relief that I didn 't have that constant itch to check it . In fact , I was supposed to go back on Facebook on Monday . When I logged in I quickly decided I had other things I should be doing and just logged right back off . I felt relaxed . Whatever was happening around me ( in actual real life ) , I was a part of . When absolutely nothing was happening , I was a part of that too . There are times when I need nothing to be happening . I did get on facebook today . Heck , someone even said they missed me on the fitness page ( woo hoo , thanks ! ! ) . But , I realized the expectations I 've set for myself are only expected by me . I 'm pretty sure no one logs on facebook specifically to see what I 'm doing . I seriously doubt anyone skipped a workout because I didn 't offer any " motivation " . ( Well , except for maybe one person , but let 's be honest Aimee , that was just your excuse . ) I 'm also pretty sure my daughter appreciated having my undivided attention instead of me half listening , half looking at the computer while she 's trying to show me the latest dance move she 's created . So , what 's the moral of the story ? There 's life away from your computer screen ( or phone ) . I promise you if something major happens , you 'll find out about it . ( Although I did find out my brother got married on facebook , but my sis - in - law was calling me right as I read it . ) That particular obsession , or distraction as it really became , was causing me grief . I was losing way too much time on the computer over something that really wasn 't that entertaining . Is it fun to go on ? Sure , sometimes . But is it necessary to stalk my own posts to see if everyone else thinks I 'm as funny as I do ? Nope . If the only place I 'm funny ( or have friends ) is behind a computer screen , I 've got problems . Remember not so long ago when I vowed to become a morning person ? Well , I 'm still not a morning person . My alarm goes off early every single morning . And every single morning I turn it off and roll over for the best sleep ever for the next hour and a half . Without fail , I always end up regretting it at some point during the day . Regret typically sets in when my workout time gets blown off because something unexpected came up . By the time I deal with said " unexpected event " I 'm " too tired " to work out . How pitiful is that ? Last month because of a work project I had to wake up an hour and a half earlier than normal . Yes , a whole hour and a half . For three days in a row . Guess what ? I did it . I didn 't like it . At all . But , I did it . I was on time ( mostly ) and accomplished what needed to get done . I didn 't die or even kill anyone for that matter . I thought , " wow , I made it . I should totally be able to do this for myself . " Guess what I did the first day the project was over ? Sleep in . The next day ? You guessed it . I valued my commitment to my job more than I valued my commitment to myself . Wow . Until just now when I wrote that , I didn 't realize how much that totally sucks . Sadly , I know I 'm not alone . I hear all the time " I don 't have time to work out " . These are the same people who are at every school function , every game , and every birthday party . Why do we put everyone around us first ? By putting others first , we 're most often putting ourselves last . We can 't continue to do that . Whether it 's working out , finishing a degree , enjoying a hobby , or anything else you 've put off because your day is filled with doing for others it 's time to commit to yourself . Maybe you 'll have to get up a little earlier ( oh Lord , help me ) . Maybe stay up a little later . Or perhaps even send store - bought cookies instead of home - made ( GASP ! ) . Do not value your commitment to others more than you value your commitment to yourself . Uh , say what ? I resisted writing this post for a couple of weeks because it 's so cliché . You can find " holiday survival guides " all over the place right now . Unfortunately , the closer we get to Christmas the more often I 'm hearing some variation of this . So , I 'm chiming in . You 've probably heard most or all of these tips . But , I promise you , December does not have to be a free for all . Why undo all the work you 've done this year ? Why start in January ? 1 . Pick your poison . Chances are you don 't LOVE every food that 's being offered . So , be a food snob . Only put the things you love on your plate . Don 't eat it because that 's what you 've always eaten at a party . If you take a bite of a pig in a blanket and it isn 't absolutely divine to your palate , STOP EATING IT ! This is an opportunity to eat fabulous food that you don 't normally get to eat . Don 't waste the room in your belly on crap . 2 . Don 't go hungry . For heaven 's sake , don 't think you are " saving up your calories " for the party . Do you know what will happen ? You will be famished when you get there . You will pile your plate with a bunch of junk you won 't even taste because you 're wolfing it down so fast . You will end up eating more calories this way and you won 't even taste them . I promise . Trust me on this . 3 . Have water between each adult beverage . This will help you save some calories . It will also keep you from getting buzzed and eating 42 cookies and a whole bowl of dip . 4 . Don 't stand around the food . It seems like everyone always gravitates toward the food . And just stands there . That makes it easy to grab a chip when there 's a lull in the conversation . Or when someone else is talking . Or when no one is looking . Prepare your plate and step away from the table . 5 . Be active ! If the kids are playing Wii , play with them . If there isn 't 10 feet of snow outside , grab some people and go for a walk . This may seem awkward , especially if your family isn 't particularly active . But you might be surprised by who will join you . OR who you inspire to get moving who might not have otherwise . Being active also goes for your workout routine . If your schedule is tight do some lunges , squats , push ups , tricep dips and planks at home . You can do these any time you have a little free time . You CAN squeeze activity into your day . Don 't let December blow all your hard work . You can enjoy all the festivities without regret , guilt , and feeling like crap . Keep your goals in mind and make this the year you become even MORE awesome in December . Recently I was watching The Today Show and they were doing one of their concert series . A woman video taping the concert was watching it through the camera instead of watching the singer on the stage . I thought to myself , although she 's documenting the concert to watch over and over , she could have just dvr 'd it at home and more than likely would have had better footage . Did she really experience the concert while watching it through a camera or was she too busy recording it for later ? That very same day I had a conversation with another very busy mom friend of mine and she said she 's so busy cleaning , working , running , etc that she wonders if she 's missing out on the " journey " . Is it possible we 're so busy on our journey that we 're missing the awesome little things on the way ? What if we missed out on a potentially fabulous conversation with our kid because we were too busy worrying if the kitchen counter was clean enough ? Did we cut a conversation with our spouse too short because we were so busy trying to get the kids loaded up in the car to be shuffled to their next activity ? The conversation with our child or our spouse is the journey . The kitchen counter can wait . You can be a minute or two late to practice . We are so busy doing , we aren 't living . Embrace the moments along the way . Those are the moments it 's all about . I read a lot of health and fitness blogs and weight loss is often referred to as a " journey " . ( I know I 've done it . ) The thing is a journey has a destination . If you were on a journey to a family vacation to an amusement park , the park is obviously your destination . Most people on the weight loss journey think their destination is a number . Usually a number on a scale or in a pair of designer jeans . If that 's your destination what happens when you arrive ? Maintenance is its very own journey . So , your journey is never really over . It 's just a new day on your road trip to Wally World - be glad you 're driving and not Clark Griswold . It 's time we stop looking at our quest for health as a journey that will end . The journey never ends . " Diet " implies temporary . What ? You 're going to eat crappy again when you reach your destination ? Your journey should be discovering new , fabulous foods that you enjoy . Deprivation ? Well , that doesn 't work . If you have a food you absolutely love , indulge in it . occasionally . You shouldn 't think you can stop working out when you get to your magic number . You can 't . Not if you want to stay there . Instead of working out like crazy thinking you can 't WAIT to let up when you reach your goal , think about the muscles you 're working . Enjoy the definition you see in each muscle as a result of the different types of exercise . Discover what YOUR body best responds to . Learn to listen to your body . Discover a new sport you love . You may be surprised to learn that you 're a fantastic runner or a kick ass kick boxer . Trust me , couch potatoes can be transformed into athletes . Enjoy every day . Enjoy every moment . Don 't cheat yourself out of the " journey " . Stop " doing " and start living . Enjoy the ride , even if you feel like you 'll never get out of that beat up station wagon and poor grandma is tied to the roof .
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- Once upon a time there was a man in the jungle enjoying a nice day watching the equatorial lush green foliage and the exotic animal life . Suddenly , the man heard the movement of a lion behind him and so ran for his life . But the man couldn 't escape and came face to face with the lion . As he was thinking quickly of another way to escape , he saw a deep well to his right . His options were narrowed between drowning in the well and being chewed by the hungry lion . Meanwhile the man noticed that two mice , one black and one white were chewing the rope he was hanging on , making it thinner and thinner . The man began to swing with the rope hitting the sides of the walls of the well periodically . Suddenly he felt something sticky on his shoulder , as he examined what it was , he found that it was honey . Upon looking around the well he noticed a bee colony on the wall of the well . The man forgot the dangerous situation he was involved in and started licking the honey to his satisfaction . He suddenly remembered where he was and jumped out of bed . The man was dreaming all along . The man went to a Sheikh to interpret his dream . The Sheikh laughed and asked him : " You do not understand this dream ? " The man replied " Yes sir , I do not . " The Sheikh said " The lion that was chasing you is the Angel of Death . The well which housed the snake is your grave . The rope in the well that you were hanging on is your lifetime ticking away . The Rodents chewing your rope , the black and the white mice are the day and the night . The man asks " The honey , Sir , What is the honey ? " The Sheikh replied " The honey is the life of this world and its temptations which made you forget that there was death behind you and a grave ahead of you . You end up in the grave while savoring the taste of the honey until you find yourself standing trial for your deeds in a Court of Law of the most Just kind . But I was wrong . You win . You beat her , or probably she let you beat her . Probably she accepted defeat herself . Maybe you were too much for her , though I 'm sure she gave you a tough fight . Two and a half years , long surgeries , all sorts of medicines , frequent visits to the hospital and staying admitted there at times , bearing all those pains that are easier to talk about but extremely difficult to feel , not eating anything that might have ignited you again , it isn 't easy you know . She was definitely very strong . You were almost asleep for good , but then you woke up , only to prove her strength was not enough … But hey cancer , don 't you see the tears a father has in his eyes after losing his princess ? Don 't you see how broken he feels ? Don 't you see him bursting into tears all of a sudden ? Don 't you see how shaken he is with what you have done ? A father who , she used to tell me , loved her more than anyone else . She told me , if there was anyone to go to the extremes of doing something for her , it would be her father . Someone who could do whatever it took only to make his daughter smile . But you don 't see all of this do you ? You just don 't know how terrible it is for a father to see his child lying dead in front of him . For you , it 's only your strength to prove isn 't it ? And you don 't even see the confusion on the face of a five year old boy who wakes up the next morning and doesn 't find his mother around him . Who doesn 't even know why isn 't he being sent to the school . Who doesn 't know who to call if he needs a feeder of milk , or wants to get cleaned after getting his pants wet . And you certainly don 't see the tears a three year old girl has in her eyes , not because her mother is not living anymore , but only because everyone around her is crying . This child wouldn 't even know what actually happened . She wouldn 't know where her mother went and if she 's ever coming back or not . You just don 't care do you ? And I 'm sure you are least concerned with what a mother felt when she was told her daughter is no more . With what a brother and a sister felt when they came to know about the death of their eldest sibling , and no doubt , you 're least concerned with whatever each individual associated with her felt when the news of her death broke . You 're just concerned with winning aren 't you ? You just know your strength . But is it what you call winning ? Is this how you defeat people ? If only you had feelings , I 'm sure you 'd be ashamed of yourself today . You haven 't won Mr . Cancer , you might have shown your strength alright , but this isn 't a win . She might have been beaten , but this is not a victory for you . In fact , from where I 'm seeing it , you 've actually lost . I 'm just so proud of my friend to have fought with you , and to have fought so well . You 've lost Mr . Cancer , you 've lost … I never thought I 'd write about this person when I started writing about the people who mattered in my life . But that 's what life is all about I guess . Who knows who 'd be living the very next moment … Muhammad Umar Khan . I first met him on the 5th of June 2008 at the PC hotel Lahore where we gathered for our group discussion and interviews for IBA admissions . That entire day was enough to make the 10 or 11 of us become friends of each other , because we all were to be part of the IBA hostelite family once selected . I had my interview taken ahead of everyone else because of the alphabetical order and I wasn 't allowed to see my other fellows waiting to be interviewed , so I could only exchange mobile phone number of Umar , that too in a hurry , before I left the hotel . Hence , Umar was the person I communicated with for anything related to IBA before we actually submitted our fee . I would ask him if he is planning to join IBA or waiting for other options , or if he 'd start his job ? I 'd ask him if he had filled out all the forms or not ? I 'd ask him if his other class fellows who got selected for IBA were willing to join IBA ? I 'd ask him to stop thinking much and to make up his mind once and for all and submit the fee … The second time we met each other was on the 30th of July , 2008 . That was in Karachi , when we had our orientation . The journey started from there . I moved into my hostel room on the 31st of July 2008 , and Umar moved in on the 1st of August . We would just sit together in the TV lounge and talk about everything . We would go to the market together . We would wait for each other before we had our meals in the mess . We would be found in each other 's rooms more often than being found in our own rooms . We would make project groups together . We would participate in competitions together . We would walk to the campus together and would come back to hostel together . Umar Khan was one of the closest friends I had at the IBA . I also wrote about one of the experiences I had with Umar in a competition held at the IBA . That post can be found here . Before summer vacations were to start , several companies came to IBA for recruiting our seniors and for our internships . One of them was GSK who , when they came , gave the attendees some gifts . Their gifts included a small tension reliever ball , that we played catch catch with : - P . I remember whenever I went to Umar 's room , I got hold of that tension reliever ball of his and would throw it on his room walls as hard as I could and would catch it . Sometimes he would sit on his bed and I 'd stand in front of one of the walls and would throw the ball on another wall in such a way that made it difficult for Umar to catch it , and Umar would have to dive on his bed to catch the ball . We also used to celebrate our birthdays at the hostel , though it was always a four or five member gathering , but we would bring cakes and would cut them at exact 12 midnight . We used to take pictures and make videos of those celebrations using Umar 's mobile . He just had his 24th birthday on the 2nd of April this year and I remember Shahid and Waqar trying to get hold of him and me making a video of the entire event , to make him wear things we brought for Umar that he didn 't want to wear : - P . Umar was one of the luckiest guys from our entire batch at IBA who got a job before the exams ended . He started his job on the 12th of July in Karachi . On the 27th of July , I had a chat with him and he told me he 'd be coming to Rawalpindi to attend to his mothers surgery , and that he might also come to Lahore over the weekend . I asked him to stay at my place if he does come to Lahore . He told me the details about his mothers operation and that he had taken three days off from office and would be flying the next morning . That flight didn 't allow him to see his mother get well after the operation : - ( , in fact , it even took him away from his family . The ill - fated airblue flight from Karachi to Islamabad had one of my best friends in it , and that flight took him away from all of us . A few days back I was going through the pictures of my stay at IBA and was recalling the times we were together . The pictures at the beach , at the restaurants , at ice - cream parlors , at the hostel , in the funniest of poses . His memories are never ending and ever lasting . I pray that his soul rests in peace at the highest of places in Jannah Insha - Allah , and that Allah gives sabar to his family . Ameen . Umar Khan , you will always be remembered Insha - Allah . I miss you … When I came back to Lahore after my final exams ended around mid June , I met one of my street friends who started off his conversation by asking me if I came to know about Omer . I asked him what happened and was told that Omer passed away a week back . Omer was another street friend , exactly my age , as in we had the same date of birth . We 've played so much cricket together and have spent so much time together that it was extremely difficult for me to even believe he is not living anymore : - ( . I remember when we used to sit late in the evenings after our matches were over , and we used to discuss what we wanted to become in our lives . We would discuss our options and which Universities we could apply to . I remember him telling me that he cleared the entry test for Army and that he had decided what he wanted to become . We used to organize cricket matches amongst the adjacent blocks of the society we lived in . We would just walk to the streets of other blocks , find boys playing cricket there and would ask them if they wanted to have a match with our team . These street matches were starters to big matches that were played in grounds on Sunday mornings . We would fight on the stupidest of things such as if the bowled ball was a no ball or not , and if the runner had completed the run . I even remember us backing for each other if any of us got engaged in a quarrel or something . He was an extremely good batsman and lead our team most of the times . I just can 't stop visualizing his face right in front of me every now and then . We used to be together for most of our evenings , specially in Summers . But then he joined Pakistan Army , and I started my Engineering studies . Another street friend left for abroad for his studies , and yet another friend went to GIKI for his studies . That was when the members of our cricket team chose their own paths , and though we still met but not that regularly . But Omer and I met a bit more frequently whenever he was in Lahore , maybe because we were the same age . This friend who told me about Omer 's death told me that Omer was the commanding officer of his sepoys at Siyachin post and was coming back after completing his term there when he slipped off the mountain : - ( . Although his body was recovered but he had fatal head injuries and he couldn 't survive . It is just so difficult to believe that the person I 've spent my childhood with is not living anymore . He is one person I probably won 't forget , not in my near future atleast . May Allah grant him Jannah and me his soul rest in peace . Ameen Life has to end , but no one knows when . At times it only shocks us to come to know about someone who passed away , after which we realize how important that person actually was . Yesterday , while having dinner with my friends , we somehow touched upon the topic of sudden death and recalled people who died suddenly , only leaving people behind them shocked … One of my teachers at IBA , Dr . Iqbal , recently passed away . It was nothing less than a shock to come to know about his death . Though he did have white hair and aged skin , but he was healthy . Not only healthy physically , but from heart . He was probably the most soft spoken person I ever met . He unfortunately did not have any children , and at times during his lectures , when he needed to give examples to explain his point , he would take examples from his life . He would always try to be as realistic as possible . He would even tell us table manners and etiquettes , he would tell us how one should be dressed up . He would tell us how we should use words such that the other person gets the message without feeling bad about what we want to convey . We usually did not like his teachings as we thought they weren 't too related with the course contents , but I guess we were wrong . He taught us Business communication and Negotiation , and I can so relate to his words and how each of his lesson was so important . Dr . Iqbal had close association with hostelites . He even came to the hostel one day at around 8 : 30 in the morning and had breakfast with us before his class was due to start at 9 : 00 am . He always open heartedly invited the hostelites to his place . As I mentioned earlier that he did not have any children , he would at times ask us more than once to visit his place , specially on Sunday mornings , and to have Sunday breakfast with him . A few of us hostelites planned a couple of times to visit his place but somehow those plans couldn 't be implemented . This is one regret I have , not being able to visit his place even after he invited us so many times … Its amazing how we develop associations with those we hardly know . Associations that aren 't only associations on the face of it , but are deep and meaningful . And not always do we realize the sense of association unless we part with those whom we feel associated with . These people may not be our closest of friends , but only someone we met a couple of times only . These people themselves may not be valuable to us , but a feel of their existence after we part might be very valuable . In my first semester here at IBA , I was a teaching assistant of a course that was being taught to the first year BBA students . There were 3 sections of this course , about 120 students for whom I was assisting the teacher . Although I didn 't know each and every student by name and face by the end of semester , but I did know quiet a lot of them , specially those with whom I used to have a bit more interaction . Students usually came to me to submit their assignments or reports , or occasionally a couple of them would come to ask something from some other course they were taking . That was the entire relationship I had with those 120 students . A sort of a student teacher relationship , where the teacher ( not exactly a teacher but sort of a teacher ) didn 't even know each and every of his students , but still I felt associated with them . In the second semester , whenever any of my students would see me , they would say Salam to me and I 'd reply and ask about their health . Some of them used to discuss with me their teachers and their gpas and their progress in courses etc , although I wasn 't assisting any of their teachers in the 2nd semester . It somehow felt good to see them . One morning when I was getting ready for my class , a fellow hostelite who happened to be one of my students as well , came to my room and told me that one of their class fellows had a severe accident while to coming to university . A bus ran over him . He just told me about the accident and didn 't tell me if that student made it or not , but his shaky voice and the hurriedness said it all . When I reached the campus , which is hardly a 7 ~ 8 minutes walk from hostel , I could tell immediately that he did not make it . The way people were sitting in groups , saddened , a few of them having tears in their eyes , and a few faces shocked by the news , it was apparent that my student had died . He was 19 . I didn 't know him much , but he was my student . That day , whenever any of our teachers asked our class if we knew the boy , I raised my hand and said he was my student . I so felt bad every time I mentioned it . I felt bad only because I knew him . Only because I had a feeling of association with him , and I only realized it when he was no more …
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I found this old post of mine today and decided to share it again . I believe that my longing to find another girl who might be " like me " was what kept me hopeful as a child / teen . Knowing that there was a possibility that this girl might actually understand me and be able to enter into my world had a profound mystery about it . I grew up undiagnosed with ASD / Dyslexia and mild ADHD it was very lonely and confusing so I was ALWAYS looking for my Louise . I think in a way that search never really ended , I just grew into an acceptance of the social norm . When I was growing up I very often caught my Mom upstairs looking through a box of old photos . There were SO many of me and Louise together as babies , toddlers . So many of my Mom with her best friend together smiling , laughing hugging one another and dancing . It was the kind of friendship I could only dream about . My Uncle and Louise 's Mom * JK had a very messy break - up and Louise stayed with her Mom . It was so hard on my Uncle , with his lack of understanding , that my Nan and Grandad never talked about Louise again . I have never heard my uncle mention her once , it 's like she never existed . I suppose knowing there was a girl out there that was probably just like me always kept me wondering . Every time I met someone called Louise I wondered if she might be my cousin . I remember being sat in a History lesson once and thinking , I wonder what Louise likes ? I wonder if she can read good ? I wonder if she has many friends ? I wonder if she can draw ? I wonder if she would like me ? I wonder how tall she is ? I didn 't like History much , the teacher was extremely boring … hehehe I REALLY thought that I would finally get to meet this cousin who I was so curious about . A message was sent to my Mom from a friend of a friend . This person said that Louise was not AT ALL like her younger siblings . She had brown hair and brown eyes and apparently was a lot like my younger brother , in many ways . There was such upset going on in my Nan 's kitchen that Saturday night . It was decided and my Mom , as always , went along with what everyone else wanted . This is where I fail to understand the behaviour of my Dad 's family . Yes , my Dad , uncle and my Nan , whom I loved dearly , all show / showed Autistic behaviour . But I can 't understand why they couldn 't see my Mom 's loneliness . She had lost her Mom and her Dad before she was even 30 years old . She was isolated on the other side of our City away from the rest of her family . She had three very demanding children who she gave everything for . She never went out because my Dad never socialised and didn 't like her to either . The only places she ever went were shopping and to Church , even then she got moaned at if she took too long . I really struggle to understand this , my Mom did her best to teach us how to put others before ourselves . I 'm not always great at it , but I understand it . I saw her example . I have to think quite a lot about how to do this , it doesn 't come naturally for me with my Aspie wiring . I naturally think everyone thinks like me . I have to step out of this and really think it through . Praying it through is actually a lot easier than thinking it through . I 'm more relaxed and I believe God helps me understand far quicker this way . I find them WAY TOO confusing . Those I am close to know who they are because I have regular contact with them . I get to know them because I love them , I think about their needs and pray for them every day . I am very like my Dad in his Autistic ways but I chose to follow my Mom 's loving example of giving in whatever way I can . I don 't mean to sound harsh towards my Dad 's family . My Nan was one of my very favourite people , she totally loved me and she always accepted me . She was very misunderstood and I know she only ever did what she thought best for her family . This is why I still struggle to understand all this . I wonder if we would be friends as well as cousins ? I wonder about her kids and what kind of Mom she is ? I wonder if she knows about me ? I wonder if she has Aspie ways ? I wonder if her kids have ASD too ? I do believe that God in His loving wisdom used this upset in our family to help me to seek true friendship . I have looked all my life for those who are like me , or would accept me . As a child I thought that maybe Louise might help fill the gap . I know and I understand now , that no matter how hard I look , no matter how many wonderful friends I find , it will only ever be Jesus that can help me to feel whole . I believe that God used this in my life to keep me seeking , and as I write this post I understand that it is His will , His heart , His loving arms that I need to always be seeking . Posted on January 28 , 2013 by alienhippy 4 Today we saw a raven and I thought of Elijah . Then in conversation with a friend I mentioned ravens and God using them to feed His friend . I decided to read a post I wrote some time ago and it helped me today . In 1 Kings 19 . I believe there is some wonderful advice that I have in the past put into practice . It works for me . I need to start finding that special time for me again , to keep doing that which works well with my soul . I have an online Bible devotional come through that is a excellent place to start . There is reference to this as I share my thoughts on Elijah . However the devotional started with Mark 1 : 35 Both of them want to please God and both of them are emotional beings . They were created this way and God understands them . They have all the same feelings and hurts as us . They also have the same fears and anxieties too . The one guy I have written a poem about in the past I also painted a picture for him . He is always there when I hit the pit . He is so real to me , so open honest and transparent . His name is Jonah . Elijah helps me to get through my worst meltdowns . God has been allowing past hurts to surface lately and things I never believed I would have to face are being healed . In prayer and through tears I feel me growing . God is so good ! When I first got the email I felt totally drained . I really couldn 't be bothered to read it . But that Still Small Voice inside spoke and said , " Read it Lisa ! " I said , " No , reading is too hard and I feel like crap ! " Again the voice inside said , " Read it ! " I struggled with this for a bit , but I know when God directs it is always for our good . His plans are to prosper not harm . In the Bible we see many who experienced times of burnout . After Jonah 's miraculous delivery from the big fish and prophetic announcement to the people on Nineveh , he sank into a depression and wanted to die ( Jonah 4 : 3 ) . After Elijah called down fire from heaven that miraculously burned up the sacrifices of Baal , the fire in his own life went dim ( 1 Kings 18 - 19 ) . Elijah prayed , " I have had enough , LORD . Take my life , " ( 1 Kings 19 : 4 ) . Both of these men wanted to quit . If Jesus had to do it maybe I should be more willing to do it too . My shutdowns are not such a bad thing if I give them to God at the foot of the cross . But I do believe that if I was more ready to listen , I wouldn 't overload myself in the first place . I won a fish on the ' hook a duck ' at the fun fair , I was 5 years old . My brother won one too , Mom put them both in one of those 1970 's over sized brandy glasses . We called our fishes , Tom and Jerry . For my 10th Birthday the present I wanted the most , I got . The different names and how to keep these beautiful creations alive . I learnt about water values and how to test for nitrates . I learnt how to control the temperature and which fishes would breed at higher water temperatures . I knew which fish were live bearers , egg layers , egg depositors . I became obsessed with everything that my ONE book taught me . At the age of 26 , I became homeless and I was very ill with depression . I was close to breakdown and having regular suicidal thoughts . My Mom had me back home and she gave me and my 2 year old * AJ her master bedroom . She bought me a new fish tank , a bigger one , and she told me to fill it with the most beautiful tropical fishes I could find . Doing this helped me so much and I am so grateful for the wisdom that God gave my Mom . I would go out with my boy and we would find the most amazing Aquatic centres . They always had little cafes and we had a fabulous time looking at all the wonderful fishes . He was fascinated with testing the ph and nitrate levels he also memorised names , temperatures , origins and tank types . He would talk none stop about his aquarium and his teacher was fascinated at his knowledge . I got him so many books and he read every one of them . He loved his tank so much and then one night the thermostat over heated and boiled all the fish , we came down to an awful smell . All his beautiful tropical fish were white and floating on the top of the tank . My * AJ cried his eyes out , and refused to ever talk about it . He won shows at the national mouse association . I took advantage of his " SPECIAL INTEREST " he was obsessed with mice , so I used it to teach him in SO many ways . He had to clean them out and feed them every day and he had 57 at one point . We have quite a library of animal husbandry . I know that through animals I have not felt the loneliness in my life that some Aspies feel . My animals have been my friends , I have loved them and they have loved me back . They have given me friendship , companionship , many giggles … . I had a Cockerel once called DUDE who would sit on my shoulder like a pirates parrot . A rabbit that came when it was called . My Kakariki loved being stroked and would call me to tell me he loved me . I had a cat called Fusspot who would regularly steal marsh mellows lick them and flick them up the wall . My dogs , cats and rabbits have given me a shoulder to cry on , and someone to talk to who is an exceptional listener , and never judgemental . My animals have brought me through tough times by being unique creations , they helped me to look to God and see Him in who they are and how they have been created . NOTE : This post was written two years ago . I found it today to share with a lovely new friend that I " met " on facebook through Everyday Aspergers group . I have a lot of new followers that may not know about this part of my life and those who have been following me since the start of Alienhippy won 't mind reading this again . If you are offended by it , I suggest we talk because you really don 't know me very well at all . I have this side to me you know . It 's just the way I am created to be . I have written before about how every day at school I was either bored stiff or scared to death . By the time I was a teen the idea of spending another week , in what I considered a hell hole , was SO NOT appealing . In my third year of secondary education ( age 13 - 14 ) I had started to have suicidal thoughts . This was when I started to retreat constantly to my bedroom , also truanting whenever I could . At secondary school to survive I became the lookout for the groups of girls that " accepted " me . The friends I had once had in primary school were all in higher groups . My dyslexia held me back with everything , so the only kids I got to mix with were those in bottom group . Quite a few of them took on the hard knock approach , as they too were trying to survive . I didn 't understand that they were just joking and I took it to heart . My bedroom became my sanctuary and I very rarely went out . I developed an attitude of acting like I didn 't care , I imitated those I hung around with at school . This then made me feel rejected in my own family because I became a nuisance . I was always arguing and made it very stressful for my Mom . I was behaving towards my Dad the way those at school were behaving towards me , both students and teachers . By the time I had reached secondary school I had learned to cope with most of my sensory difficulties , they hadn 't gone but I was able to act well and avoid . I was able to do most things and had learned , to a degree , how to fit and not be noticed . I didn 't understand a lot of the social conversation between my peers , but I was able to fake it and giggle when they did . I did think this could be helpful because anyone who has suffered , or suffers from PTSD can actually , in a way , relate to what it feels like going into shutdown / meltdown . However , I also thought that perhaps for those of us who are high functioning on the spectrum these things cannot be disconnected because we have , in a way , suffered trauma most days of our lives . We have been put into situations we couldn 't understand , where we were terrified sometimes even in pain . Then when showing / reacting to this we were ridiculed , shouted at , sometimes abused , bullied and made to believe we are wrong , misfits , oddbods , freaks and weirdos . You know that aspergers makes reciprocity difficult ( both because we have difficulty setting boundaries and because we find it difficult to apply what we learned from one situation to another ) . What might seem to you ( or other people ) like failings can be reduced to symptoms that are unavoidable on occasion . You need to apply this to your memories and then comfort yourself for having survived situations that were difficult . I once heard a neurotypical woman describe having lost a dear friend to a misunderstanding at a time when she was going through the New Orleans flooding . She said losing that friend was worse than losing her home . I thought to myself how many times this ( losing a friend or a loved one 's favour ) has happened to me , and how often amidst my devastation I would tell myself I was being too dramatic , but if they walked in our shoes , even a neurotypical would understand how hard it is not to isolate oneself when the stakes are so high . I needed a clear understanding of what this meant to me . I was brought up by a very loving Christian Mother , we were her life and she loved us unconditionally . She loved very deeply from the heart , and everyone who knew her was her friend . I learned to imitate her ways and thought that all people were like her , my Dad confused me because he wasn 't . I knew I was like him and I didn 't want to be . Also I couldn 't understand why , when I was acting like my Mom , people still treated me badly . I felt God 's still quiet voice explain to me that the way I talk to myself is NOT His way . It is all the memories of people who didn 't understand me , didn 't accept me . They didn 't care enough to want what was best for me , and didn 't truly love me . I felt that God was telling me that I need to learn to Mother myself . I wouldn 't say the things to my kids that I allow my brain to say to me . I also wouldn 't let anyone else say these things to my kids either . Years of not understanding that my brain is wired differently . The one thing I have always held onto is that God loves me and one day I will understand . Now I am older , an adult , my Mom is no longer here to help me to fit , or to help make me feel better . Posted on October 19 , 2012 by alienhippy 7 I have been having difficulty writing posts after reading some not very nice comments about bloggers and their writing styles . At the time I thought I was ok , but it has been looping in my head for nearly two weeks now and I can 't seem to be able to shift it . Some people can be so hurtful with their opinions . Writing is something I used to find release in , a way of me processing and feeling I would connect with those like me , those with similar struggles . Over the last few days I have found myself struggling to even share on my facebook . Yes , this post is full of links and each one of them is a post about me struggling , persevering and overcoming . It 's about how I live and find ways to not be affected by a world that pushes for conformity . Where society makes me feel so different . My acceptance of being different but not less , feeling like an alien on the wrong planet but making it work for me the best I can . Learning to rise above the storm and say , " Bog off frantic thought loop ! " The following post is an oldie that made me giggle today , It 's one I had totally forgotten about but it helped me to find me again . I tend not to take myself too seriously , and I like to see people smile . So here have a giggle on me . I 'm processing as I write and I think I 'm on my way back . Before I 'd ever heard the word Aspergers , I bumped into a neighbour in a petrol station and she chatted with me for quite some time before she asked me if I was ok . I was completely confused to who she was and how she knew me . I was in my early 20 's and wasn 't as good at smiling and nodding as I am now . Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this :
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I made it ! ! I completed the Best of 2009 Blog Challenge ! ( If you missed any , you can find them all here . ) Thanks , Gwen , for putting this all together ! December 31st : Resolution you wish you 'd stuck with . ( You know , there 's always next year . . . ) It 's all pretty cliche . I wish I had gotten fit this year . I wish my house was organized . I wish I 'd done a lot of things that I didn 't actually do . But I ended up doing a lot of stuff that I didn 't think that I would do , which I figure makes up for it . ( Except for the whole not getting fit thing . . . going to Nashville doesn 't really make up for that , does it ? ) ( Oh well . ) Here 's to 2010 ! ( I 've watched that video about twenty - seven times in the last three days . . . and thirteen more times since I embedded it in this post . ) ( Who knew so many people used the word " down " this year ? ) ( I just searched my blog for the word " down " and it was used in 19 posts this year . . . given the crazy amount of times that the word was obviously used by pop stars in 2009 , I feel like that 's not nearly enough . ) ( Resolution for 2010 : use the word " down " more . ) ( Shit . . . it 'll probably be out of style by this time next year . What 's the word of 2010 ? I 'd really appreciate knowing * now * so that I 'm not in this situation next year . ) ( Because it 's embarrassing . ) ( I shouldn 't have even pointed it out . . . fuck . ) ( Maybe " fuck " will be the biggest word of 2010 . I hope so , because I 'm already on top of that one . ) ( Also ? I don 't recognize more than half of those songs in the video . Another resolution for 2010 : listen to more Top 40 radio . . . ) ( I 'm ambitious . ) ( Down . ) ( Fuck . ) December 29th : Laugh . What was your biggest belly laugh of the year ? If you haven 't already figured it out , my entire family is completely insane . Earlier this year my grandma said , " This family is not dysfunctional , we 're funny . " I 'm very lucky because I 'm surrounded by hilarious people . We 're so completely insane that we laugh all the time . It 's the way we are . ( I 've actually had people say that they would buy tickets just to observe our Thanksgiving dinner . . . ) My friends constantly make me smile and fall over with laughter . My relationship with Mike is built on total hilarity . . . we make each other laugh every single day . ( I truly believe that it 's the number one reason we 've been together for nearly 8 years ( so far ) . ) Even my dogs have a sense of humor ( when I 'm having a bad day , I swear they do shit just to make me smile ) . Some people think that I have a cynical , dark , sense of humor , but I don 't see it that way . I think laughing at the twisted , disturbing stuff makes living easier , better , and fun . I 've learned that you have to laugh at the dark stuff because it 's the only way to get through it all . Some of the funniest people that I 've met have lived through unimaginable tragedy - the loss of a child , horrible disease , terrible accidents - but they keep laughing and they keep making other people laugh . Laughter makes you happy to be alive , it makes it easier to get up in the morning , it allows you to cope when something bad happens . It 's survival . It 's the only way to live . PS : You know what 's really funny ? This post is about the biggest laugh of my year and it 's turned out to be a ridiculously serious commentary . . . PPS : Shit . . . I feel bad about that . Here : See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor . You 're welcome . December 28th : Stationery . When you touch the paper , your heart melts . The ink flows from the pen . What was your stationery find of the year ? I don 't collect " stationery " , like for writing thank you notes on or anything , but I am a total whore for school supplies and journals . I LOVE the look and feel and excitement of a new , blank notebook . ( It 's the little things , people . ) ( I think that I should go back to school so that I can get new supplies . ) ( That may not be the * best * reason . . . but it 's still appealing . ) ( Does anybody else really want to make a trip to an office supply store ? Just me ? ) I found this journal the day after my grandma died , a time when I felt particularly c - r - a - z - y . The cover says : " My Dysfunctions : A journal for chronicling my immeasurably fascinating dysfunctions , neuroses , emotions , inner children , moments of shame and doubt , projection , self - loathing , misanthropy , and completely normal insanity , because the only difference between me and the rest of the population is that I acknowledge how crazy I am and they 're all in mind - numbing denial . " It 's filled with quotes from some of the most awesomely dysfunctional people in history and each page starts with " Why I Am Dysfunctional Today " . Needless to say , this journal really spoke to me . ( Not literally . . . ) ( Really . . . ) " The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness . Think of your three best friends . If they 're okay , then it 's you . " - Rita Mae Brown December 27th : Social web moment . Did you meet someone you used to know only from her blog ? Did you discover Twitter ? 2009 has been all about social web moments . I met my blogging hero , I became an active member of the social web community , and I even got a job in the social web . Specifically , being featured on the Men 's Health Blog , Working out the Details , was a great opportunity and a cool thing to be involved with . I hope everyone had a great Christmas ! Mine was filled with laughs , family , food , and a Snuggie ! AND I was quoted in The Colorado Daily ! ( My quote is the last line in the article . . . I actually said it 's " too damn crowded " , not " . . . crowded " . ) ( You know , because I 'm classy . ) December 26th : Insight or aha ! moment . What was your epiphany of the year ? That blogging is fun and that I could make friends doing it ! And that I should be a professional advent calendar maker . That was a big turning point for me . December 24th : Learning Experience . What was a lesson that you learned this year that changed you ? That I can do things that I didn 't think I could do . And ? How to make BBQ Pulled Pork . It 's changed my life . December 25th : Gift . What 's a gift you gave yourself this year that has kept on giving ? I continued buying books . Even though I stopped buying many " luxury items " ( like haircuts and eyebrow waxing . . . 2009 was not my * hottest * year ) , I kept getting myself books , because they make me so very happy . Merry Christmas ! December 23rd : Web tool . It came into your work flow this year and now you couldn 't live without it . It has simplified or improved your online experience . I 've already told you about my love for Lijit here . Another great online tool is Hootsuite . It allows you to schedule tweets , which is really helpful when you manage a corporate Twitter account , or have a post scheduled to go live over the holidays and want to send out a message when it 's published . . . hypothetically . . . Finally , I LOVE Picnik . This is the site that I use to take my pictures from " okay " and " normal " to OH EM GEE THAT IS AWESOME , like this one : ( Was the snow effect too much ? Or just awesome enough ? ) ( I 'm going with just the right amount of awesome . . . ) Plus , I got to hang out with some of the beautiful ladies that work there at BlogHer this year , and they were some of the greatest girls I 've ever met ( which always helps ) . December 22nd . Startup . What 's a business that you found this year that you love ? Who thought it up ? What makes it special ? I 'm not just saying this because I 've been doing some social media magic for them , but I 've gotta give props to Zwaggle . If you 're a parent , you need to join this site . It 's an online marketplace for parents to swap their gently used kids ' gear , for free . It 's a green , free , awesome way to get the stuff you need , and share the stuff you don 't . Another company that I found this year ? Lijit is a local Boulder business that offers an awesome search engine for your blog . I met their social media mastermind , Tara , at Blissdom , and she has been an awesome mentor and friend to me ever since . I think that every blog should have a search engine , and with Lijit you get that along with awesome statistics about who 's visiting your site on a weekly basis . On top of that , they have amazing customer service . Recently , I was having trouble with my search results . I told Tara about it through the Lijit twitter account , and she sent it to their support department . Within a few hours I received a very nice email telling me exactly what was wrong and how it 's being fixed . ( In fact , I just got another email confirming that my search results are working ! Love it . . . ) Finally , I discovered Etsy this year . Etsy is a site that allows users to post their handmade goods to sell . It has an amazing amount of cool stuff , and by buying from there , your supporting actual people making their own products , rather than corporations . This is my 200th post ! Throw streamers ! Glitter ! Presents all around ! ( Except not . ) ( But yay . ) December 21st : Project . What did you start this year that you 're proud of ? Honestly ? This . This crazy , month long Best of 2009 Blog Challenge . This past year I 've gone back and forth between writing several times a week and writing once or twice a month . This is the first time that I 've not only committed to blogging everyday , but actually done it . The prompts from Gwen help immensely , but the fact that I 've written something - anything - even when I really didn 't feel like it or want to . . . that 's pretty cool . Instead of saying " maybe later " or just ignoring the many , many tweets about this project , I actually joined in . And that isn 't something that I usually do . The posts might not always be amazing or inspiring or hilarious , but at least they 're here . . . and I 'm proud of that . I am listening to Mike play a violent war game on his computer . The sounds of gun fire and screaming soldiers is filling my house - and heart - with so much extra holiday cheer . It 's truly magical . December 20th : New Person . She came into your life and turned it upside down . He went out of his way to provide incredible customer service . Who is your unsung hero of 2009 ? I 've been sitting here forever , and I 've come up with so many people . I think about the woman who said hello to me in the elevator when I first got to Blissdom , or the lady who offered me a seat at her table in a crowded hotel restaurant . I think about the people who talked to me at parties , made me laugh , invited me out for drinks . And those are just the people who 's hands I actually gotten to shake . I 've met even more online , and I feel like I know them just as well , if not better , than a lot of the people I 've talked with in person . There are too many new people in 2009 . I can 't pick one , and you can 't make me . If you said a kind word to me , talked to me on Twitter , commented on this blog , played me in Words with Friends . . . you 're my people . Thanks . For 2010 , though , I 'm going to be keeping score . ( 5 points for complimenting my outfit , 10 for buying me cake on a stick , and 15 if my dogs like you . ) ( Bonus points if you 're Team Edward . ) December 19th : Car ride . What did you see ? How did it smell ? Did you eat anything as you drove there ? Who were you with ? After my grandmother 's memorial my family went to a gorgeous town in Southwest Colorado , Ridgway , to spread my grandparent 's ashes . I rode down with Mike and my dad in my dad 's Prius , and the rest of the family piled into my mom 's ( totally kick - ass ) RV . ( There were too many of us to all fit in the RV and I get carsick sitting in it while it 's driving on a straightaway , let alone while it 's driving over mountains . ) At one point we needed to call the RV . My dad decided that rather than allowing me to call my brother , who was trapped in enjoying the RV with our whole , entire , extended family , he would use his trusty voice - activated hands - free phone thingy . Dad : Phone ( waiting ) . . . Phone . . . PHONE ! ! Condescending lady who talks from the voice - activated hands - free phone thingy ( seriously , listen to the robot lady 's voice next time you 're in a car that talks to you . . . she is totally judging you ) : Phone . Please choose how you would like to place a call . Dad : Name . . . Name . . . NAME ! ! Lady from the voice - activated hands - free phone thingy who thinks she 's better than us : Name . Please say the name of the person you would like to call . Dad : AJ . . . AJ . . . Me : Dad , why don 't I just dial ? Dad : No , this is way more convenient . AYYYYY JAYYYYY . Lady who has lost all respect for us ( I don 't really blame her ) from the voice - activated hands - free phone thingy : Calling Annie . Dad : Shit . I have five dogs in my house right now . Five noisy , dirty , barking , far too energetic dogs . Plus , one of them figured out how to escape from the backyard , so they 're currently being held hostage inside . Needless to say , this puppy playgroup is making it hard to concentrate . Therefore , this is going to be short and sweet . December 18th : Shop . Online or offline , where did you spend most of your mad money this year ? Target ( because we buy our food there ) and various bookstores ( because I 'm a whore for books ) . Holy motherfucking shit . A dog just barked on the TV . Oh the insanity . December 17th : Word of phrase . A word the encapsulates your year . " 2009 was ___ . " 2009 was geeky . It was full of blogging conferences and tweeting and vampires and comic books and television shows that break out into song and iPhones and scrabble and Lady Gaga and writing letters to my dogs and MARISKA HARGITAY and advent calendars and , of course , coming out as a geek in front of hundreds of other geeks . Yep . . . 2009 was pretty damn geeky . Still going strong on the Best of 2009 Blog Challenge . ( Crazy , I know . ) December 16th : Tea of the Year . I can taste my favorite tea right now . What 's yours ? This question makes me laugh because I remember reading Gwen 's tweets and blog post when she decided to give up coffee a few months ago . I don 't like regular coffee , and if I 'm having espresso , it 's mixed with a whole lot of chocolate and other flavored syrup . But , since I prefer to eat my calories rather than drink them , I tend to stick with tea . ( And hot chocolate . . . I love me some hot chocolate . ) When I lived in Australia I became a very big tea drinker . I had English Breakfast tea everyday , multiple times a day . I 'd go out to coffee shops or restaurants and sit with a pot of tea and read a book . After my English Breakfast tea bender , if you will , I came home and sort of lost my desire . I still love tea , and drink it on a regular basis , but I don 't have it nearly as much as I did in Sydney . I like the act of drinking tea . Waiting for it to steep ( well . . . I can only wait a couple of minutes before I just go for it . . . so maybe I don 't really like that part ) , adding just the right amount of milk and sugar , sipping it sip by sip . ( The " sip by sip " thing drives Mike crazy . I 'm sorry , Mike , but tea is meant to be sipped , not gulped . ) This year , I found a great spice tea from Celestial Seasonings : Bengal Spice . It 's got cinnamon , ginger and cloves , and it tastes a lot like a chai . I like mine with a little bit of milk and sweetener , or made into a cambric ( a tea latte ) . I also really like chocolate mate . . . because it 's chocolate flavored tea . ( Enough said . ) I 've been dreading this question since the Best of 2009 Blog Challenge began , but here it goes . December 15th : Best Packaging . Did your headphones come in a sweet case ? See a bottle of tea in another country that stood off the shelves ? Seriously ? I feel like the only way that you would have an answer to this is if you actually saw something that made you yell " that is the best packaging I 've ever seen ! " . . . and I don 't think that I have said that in 2009 . . . I guess I will take this opportunity to give props to Apple . The packaging they use is minimal and sleek ( just like their products ) . Every part of the package is used ( it irritates me to no end when something comes in a package that is mostly empty space or filled with disposable paper or plastic ) . When you get an iPhone ( as I was able to do this year ) ( HELL YES ) , the box is pretty much the size of the phone . I love that . No mess , no trash , all awesome . It 's not some amazing concept , and it 's not new to 2009 , but I still think it 's pretty cool . Also , it 's the perfect size for your Golden Retriever carry . December 14th : Rush . When did you get your best rush of the year ? I would say the biggest rush I had this year was speaking at my grandmother 's funeral . I didn 't think that I could do it . I didn 't really want to do it . But I felt so much better after I did . I felt relieved that it was over . I felt proud that I had stood in front of 60 plus people and spoken coherently . I felt happy that I was able to make people laugh instead of cry . In it 's own way , that experience was " a rush " . And , if I 'm going to be completely honest , I got a rush when they sang " Somebody to Love " on Glee : December 13th : What 's the best change you made to place you live . A few months ago I got a call from Mike on his way to work . He was biking near Family Housing by campus , and he saw a bunch of stuff out back with a big sign that said " free " . Among the old TV sets , used strollers , and beat up snowboards was a big drafting table . I had been wanting my own desk for awhile . Mike has his own work space , and I usually just moved my computer from the kitchen to the living room and kept all of my shit important documents and prized possessions scattered throughout the house . I met Mike over there when he got off and saw the table . It was huge and white , the paint was cracking on the surface , and there was the faint outline of a big cartoon man with an afro smoking a gigantic blunt . It was perfect ( ? ) . We ( Mike ) hauled it to the car and took it to his parents house . Mike spent over an hour making the surface smooth with an electric sander . We then got some pretty blue contact paper with flowers all over it . ( It 's not as eccentric as the humongous weed smoker , but I 've made my peace with that . ) It 's great to have my own space to blog and read and keep my stuff . This also led to another change to our house : in order to fit my awesome pretty blue table in the house , we had to get rid of the last remaining piece of the famous " duct - tape couch " . So , this change is somewhat bittersweet . ( For Mike . Apparently he had a deeper attachment to the couch than I thought . ) ( Me ? Not so much . ) Also , I finished my Christmas decorations : ( I added the Torah after the fact . . . because it 's Chanukah . Also , I couldn 't get my hands on a real one . ) ( I wrapped those presents in pages from a giant coloring book . So , after my family and friends open their presents , they can have some craft time . It 's like two gifts in one . I am generous . ) December 12th : New Food . You 're now in love with Lebanese food and you didn 't even know what it was in January of this year . You know how I wrote about Tee & Cakes yesterday ? Well , I also have to mention them in this post . This little shop has my absolute new favorite food . Two words : Cake . Pop . It is cake . . . on a stick . Covered in icing . Dipped in chocolate . Decorated with pretty - ness . It 's the perfect treat . Go get one . . . NOW . PS : Today is my mama 's birthday . HAPPY BIRTHDAY , MOMMY ! PPS : I gave her an organizational tool for her birthday . You know , to organize paperwork and stuff . I am , like , the best daughter ever . PPPS : Also , Happy Chanukah / Hanukkah ! I ate ham today for breakfast . . . it appears that in addition to being the best daughter ever , I 'm also the worst Jew ever . PPPPS : But it was really good ham . . . speaking of pork products : Tee & Cakes also has a Bacon Chocolate cupcake . It 's pretty much the definition of awesome . PPPPPS : SEE ? Worst Jew ever . Before we get started on today 's Best of 2009 Blog Challenge prompt . . . ( Put this on my list of " shit I should have thought of " , right under the snuggie . ) December 11th . The best place . A coffee shop ? A pub ? A retreat center ? A cubicle ? A nook ? One of my new favorite places is Tee & Cakes in downtown Boulder . It 's a really great spot , complete with cute decor , a great tea selection , and , of course , cupcakes . ( Cupcakes always vastly improve my opinion of a place . Even if I don 't actually buy a cupcake , I like that they 're there . It 's whimsical . ) Also , they have fantastic wireless internet . It really sucks to drag all of your stuff out and order a cup of tea just to realize that you can 't connect to the world wide web . Finally , they tweet great deals . I LOVE when local businesses use social media . . . especially when those tweets help to feed me . You know it 's been cold far too long when you get excited that it 's 24 degrees . Since it was such a beautiful and warm day , I actually left my house , so my post for the Best of 2009 Blog Challenge comes a little later than usual . But here it is ! ( You thought I gave up , didn 't you ? ) December 10th : Album of the Year . What 's rocking your world ? Regina Spektor : Far ( Every song on this album is amazing . ) Far - Regina SpektorThe Glee Soundtracks ( These songs always put a huge smile on my face . ) ( Best . Show . Ever . BTW . ) Glee : The Music , Volume 1 - Gl . . . Glee : The Music , Volume 2 - Gl . . . The New Moon Soundtrack ( Great songs from great artists . ) The Twilight Saga : New Moon Or . . . Maybe you 're like me and watch Grey 's Anatomy with a fiery passion . Maybe you think the cheesy story lines and love triangles are crap . But I assure you , the music on that show is incredible . The songs from this year 's episodes make up a soundtrack so amazing and emotional that I have to include this show as one of my favorite albums of the year . ( A sample of some of my very favorites ) : All songs The sun is out . It 's still 12 degrees , though . ( Why am I complaining about the weather so much ? Because this DOESN ' T happen in Boulder ! We have a wonderful climate where it snows one day , and MELTS a day later . This snow ? Has been frozen to my lawn for over a week . I 've been here for 24 years , and I assure you , THIS IS NOT BOULDER WEATHER ! ! ) ( If this crazy climate change doesn 't convince you that something big is happening , I don 't know what will . ) ( And by " something big " , I mean the Decepticons are coming . Obviously . ) The Best of 2009 Blog Challenge prompt for today ? December 9th : Challenge . Something that really made you grow this year . That made you go to your edge and then some . What made it the best challenge of the year for you ? Well , Blissdom was a challenge . And being with my grandmother while she was dying certainly took me to my " edge and then some " . But my " best challenge of the year " ? The first time I beat my dad at Words with Friends . It took a long time , and it wasn 't always easy , but I persevered , and am a better person because of it . ( Clearly , I don 't feel like going very deep today . ) Best of 2009 Blog Challenge prompt for today : December 8th : Moment of Peace . An hour or a day or a week of solitude . What was the quality of your breath ? The state of your mind ? How did you get there ? Ironically , this question has been stressing me out . I don 't have a lot of peaceful moments . Believe it or not , my mind is a very busy place ( even if my body is , well , not . ) One moment that keeps coming up for me is when my grandma was dying . My mom , brother and I had been at her house for 24 hours . A nurse and social worker from our local Hospice Care came to talk to us . They explained the process of dying , explained what was happening , how to keep my grandmother comfortable , and assured us that she wasn 't in pain . We had spent the previous day terrified that we were doing everything wrong . We were afraid that we weren 't doing enough ( whatever that means ) . We were afraid that we couldn 't leave her alone . That we couldn 't relax . But they took away all of our fears . They told us that we couldn 't do anything wrong . She would go when she was ready . It was like they flipped a switch in us . We relaxed , we breathed , we let ourselves smile . We ended up having a great night . We watched TV , we ate junk food , we laughed . The people from Hospice Care told us that the sounds of us having a good time would probably be reassuring to my grandmother . Even her dog , Rachael , who hadn 't left her side in days , came out and sat with us for awhile . The nurse had told us that it would probably be a few more days before she went , but , of course , she passed away that night . ( She never was one to play by the rules . ) It 's a little weird to think about , but that night was a good night . My brother , mom and I bonded . My grandma was able to hear us having a good time in the other room . It was . . . peaceful . Now , enough about my sweet dead grandma and let 's get back to me . ( If that offends you , you obviously didn 't know her , because she 'd think that was hilarious . ) Yesterday I saw that the weather was supposed to get even colder today , so I decided to buck up Thoughts by From the Best of 2009 Blog Challenge : December 7th : Blog Find of the Year . That gem of a blog that you can 't believe you didn 't know about until this year . Yeah , that 's easy . ( Not . ) Do you realize how many blogs there are ? Do you realize how many are great ? Do you realize that I can 't list them all because my fingers are frozen ? * This is the " year of the blog " for me . This is the year that I expanded my blog reading outside of my group of friends . This is the year that I actually found that great wide world called THE BLOGOSPHERE . ( Dun - duh - DUH . ) ( That was supposed to be " scary music sounds " . . . did that not work ? ) Hell , this is the year that I found Gwen Bell , whose responsible for this whole series . Essentially , I found ALL of my favorite blogs this year . One that stands out right this minute ? A very recent find called Ex Hot Girl . Jennifer is totally honest , completely hilarious , and extremely entertaining . My current blogroll is way out of date , so I 'll work on getting it updated as soon as I can , but here it is in case you 're curious about some of my other favorites . What was your favorite blog find this year ? * It is 9 mother fucking degrees here . NINE . And it 's been this cold for a WEEK . I 'm basically hibernating because Ally B is not meant to go out in this kind of cold . ( My ears get really cold and then I want to cry . . . and crying in NINE DEGREE weather is really bad . ) ( Two words : frozen snot . ) Instead of braving the cold , I 've been trying to distract Bonnie . She seems to think that it 's MY fault that it 's too cold for her little paws to go anywhere . I 'm still here . Still strong . Still freezing ( it 's 12 freaking degrees here in Boulder ) . Today 's prompt for the Best of 2009 Blog Challenge : December 6th : Workshop or Conference . Was there a conference or workshop that you attended that was especially beneficial ? Where was it ? What did you learn ? I think that it 's kind of cool that I can actually answer this question in the affirmative . Obviously I had some " especially beneficial " experiences in Nashville and Chicago this year because those experiences have already been written about during this challenge . I didn 't necessarily learn a lot about blogging , per se . What I learned was a lot about myself . What I got were some great memories and even better friends . Sounds pretty good to me . In other news , I burned myself on a toaster pastry this morning . It was like the devil 's pop - tart , it was so hot . I may not have any lasting scars or blisters on the outside , but my psyche is severely damaged . I write about it because nobody that I 've told today has really taken it seriously . I guess this is because I wasn 't technically that hurt and still have full function of my hand , but it was horrific , nonetheless . Thanks for listening . I knew y ' all would understand . Today 's prompt for the Best of 2009 Blog Challenge is : December 5th : Night Out . Did you have a night out with friends or a loved one that rocked your world ? Who was there ? What was the highlight of the night ? I 've already written about it here . It was in Chicago . Jenny the Bloggess was there . So was Ali . Megan from Velveteen Mind stopped by . The wonderful Stiletto Mom , Mary Anne said some kind words to me . George declared me his hero for introducing him to Jenny . Even Jen Lancaster made an appearance . And , of course , Nancy W . Kappes ( paralegal ) was there . Awesome . Another great night was last month with Mike an AH - MAZE - ING Regina Spektor concert . Regina Spektor | MTV MusicIt was the best concert that I 've been to in a long time , and every song was incredible . The hours and hours ( and hours ) spent sitting on the hardest concrete ever ( and the subsequent sore ass that was a result ) was totally worth it when we scored the most perfect spot for the show : front row , able to see her play the piano , and right in front of her keyboard and guitar . The night was even better when she seamlessly told a rude concert goer to " shut the fuck up " in the middle of one of her songs . Can you say " hero " ? I 'm kicking ass and taking names on this whole Best of 2009 Blog Challenge . I 've made it two days , which is some sort of personal best . I should get a medal . . . or a cookie . At least a cookie . December 4th : Book . What book - fiction or non - touched you ? Where were you when you read it ? Have you bought and given away multiple copies ? My goal for this year was to read 50 books . I am on my 43rd . ( Therefore , December is also dubbed " Don 't bother Ally because she has a god damn goal to finish " . ) The books that I 've read this year have varied from classics and great works of literature to overrated best - sellers and trashy fantasy . My favorite ? I can 't list one . Thankfully , I 've kept track of all of the books that I 've read since January 1st , so I 'll list the ones that stand out to me the most . Special Topics in Calamity Physics by Marisha Pessl - This is a book that I 've thought a lot about . I didn 't love it at first , but it 's grown on me a lot . Bright Lights , Big Ass by Jen Lancaster - I finished this book at Blissdom , hours before I actually met Jen . It was a hilarious book , and my copy now holds a note from the author herself . Watchmen by Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons - I 'm a twelve year old boy . Pride and Prejudice and Zombies by Jane Austen and Seth Grahame - Smith - AWESOME . It 's romantic and full of zombie killing mayhem . What could be bad ? The Hunger Games and Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins - I read The Hunger Games in 2008 and it instantly earned a spot on my " favorite books of all time " shelf . This year , the sequel , Catching Fire , came out , so I read them both . Sooooo good . The Fever Series by Karen Marie Moning - These books are kept in the romance section at the bookstore , so if you see someone ducking into that section with sunglasses , an over sized parka and a wig , it might be me . But shame cannot keep me from these trashy sci - fi stories . The Twilight Saga - 1 ) Since 2007 , I 've read the series four times ( only once this year ) . 2 ) It 's still awesome . 3 ) TEAM EDWARD . 4 ) Duh . I 'm in the process of finishing The Book Thief byThoughts by During the month of December , the Social Media Maven Gwen Bell has set out the challenge to reflect on the past 12 months through blogging and twitter . Well , I always like a challenge . ( LIE . I hate a challenge , but I 've decided to suck it up and do this one . ) So I decided to join the growing number of awesome bloggers and participate in the Best of 2009 Blog Challenge . I figure it 's a good way to review the year , and it 'll bring me up to 200 posts on this here blog . Gwen has posted a prompt for each day of December on her blog , and I 'm three days late ( go figure ) , so here are my answers to the first three questions : December 1st : Trip . What was your best trip in 2009 ? I 've thought a lot about this , and my best trip wasn 't the most relaxing or most fun . In fact , I spent an amazing amount of time hiding in my hotel room , crying and downing gratuitous amounts of anti - anxiety medication . I ended up having some really great moments , but overall , my trip to Nashville in February was a tad stressful . So why would this be my pick for " Best Trip of 2009 " ? When I went to Nashville for Blissdom ' 09 , it was a huge step for me . I had never been anywhere by myself . I had never had to ride a plane with nobody to hold my hand , or stay in a city where I didn 't know a single person . It was just me . And I survived . It opened doors for me , because surviving Blissdom allowed me to survive BlogHer , where I had some amazing experiences . It gave me an opportunity to meet some awesome people , who I 'm thrilled to call my friends . It might not have been the " best " trip , but it was the best for me . December 2nd : Restaurant Moment . Share the best restaurant experience you had this year . Who was there ? What made it amazing ? What tastes stand out in your mind ? You know when you go to a restaurant and sit down near a family and suddenly realize that you should move because that family won 't stop laughing or talking about inappropriate things or cussing too loud or being generally annoying ? Yeah , that 's my family . So I have a lot of great restaurant experThoughts by Yesterday I was at the drugstore and I saw Advent Calendars . I was immediately flooded with images of my childhood : anxiously waiting for dinner to end so that my brother and I could open the little cardboard door for that date and find the little , delicious chocolate treat . Me : AJ ! ! I found Advent Calendars ! Do you remember those ? When did Mom and Dad stop giving us those ? AJ : Probably at the appropriate age to stop being so excited about Advent Calendars . Me : Asshole . Last night I was so excited to open the little door labeled " 1 " . I opened it up , removed the little piece of chocolate shaped like a little present , and . . . . . . it tasted like crap . Seriously . . . it crumpled in my mouth , tasted like glue , and burned going down my throat . Stupid childhood memories bought for $ 1 . 50 . BUT , instead of being sad and throwing away my dreams about having an advent calendar this year , I got my creativity on . Ally B Speakin ' Presents : ALLY B ' S AWESOME SOLUTION TO HER CRAPPY ADVENT CALENDARStep 1 : Get crappy advent calendars for 2 for $ 3 . Mine : Mike 's : Step 2 : Gather your supplies . You 'll need some new , edible candy to replace the crappy shit . You 'll also need some tape . All I have on hand are generic semi - sweet chocolate chips . . . so be it . Step 3 : Remove crappy candy . Dispose of the crappy candy responsibly , like in your leftover breakfast . Step 4 : Put good candy ( or generic semi - sweet chocolate chips ) in the empty spaces . It 's important to keep a sense of excitement and surprise , so mix up how many chocolate chips you put in each space . But make it more that one chocolate chip , because if you open it up and see only one lonely chocolate chip . . . well , that 's a sad day for everyone . Step 5 : Close them back up . It 's preferable to use clear tape because duct tape is just stupid looking . . . and super glue probably isn 't the best idea . There , I just saved your holiday memories . You 're welcome . ( I don 't know why I 'm still writing about Lady Gaga . . . apparently my life now revolves around the woman . . . ) Lady Gaga | MTV MusicMe : I have been working all day to learn the dance from the " Bad Romance " video , and I just can 't do it ! ! You know , the dance she does during the chorus ? In 5 inch heals ? Maybe that 's my problem : flat feet . Mike : I 'm so sorry . Me : I know , right ? I wouldn 't think that it would be so hard , but I guess I 'm just not cut out to be a Lady Gaga dancer . . . Mike : Ally , stop it . You can be anything you want to be . You are amazing . Keep at it , and your dreams will come true . Me : That 's quite possibly the nicest thing you 've ever said to me . Mike : Well , I mean it . And once you learn the dance . . . you can teach it to me . So THIS is a goal that he 's behind 100 percent , but the whole Mariska Hargitay ( MARISKA HARGITAY ! ! ! ) crime fighting turtle thing was just too " out there " . Sometimes , I just don 't understand him . I learned something today . When you send out a tweet or status update about attacking people , soon all you can do is think about attacking people . I sent this out this afternoon : Woman across from me at coffee shop has her pepper spray on the table . My plans to attack her have been destroyed . Today is a total waste . Followed by this tweet 5 minutes later : Not that I * wanted * to attack anyone , but now it 's a little sad that the option isn 't even there . . . # atleastImakemyselflaughAnd now it 's been half an hour and I 've spent the whole time staring at people wondering if I could take ' em out in a fight . ( I blame this on the fact that I just re - read The Twilight Saga ( again ) and have super strong vampires on the brain , and therefore wish that * I * was super strong . . . and possibly a vampire . . . shut up . ) ( PS : IloveEdwardCullenOhMyGOD . ) ( Don 't tell Mike that . . . he 's fairly annoyed with my undying love for a fictional vampire whose biggest fault is that he cares too much . ) ( . . . MUST FOCUS . . . ) I have come to the conclusion that the majority of the patrons here would probably overtake me . Except for that 5 year old over there crying because his mom won 't get him a cupcake ( bitch ) . . . or that dude in the over - sized cowboy hat . Either would probably be a fair match in a fight . Maybe I should start putting my pepper spray on the table ? And nunchucks . . . and at least one ninja throwing star ( two would be tacky ) . Then that 5 year old wouldn 't stand a chance . ( Word of advice ? Don 't listen to Lady Gaga in public . It makes you dance and then your lethal aura is totally screwed . No amount of nunchucks and throwing stars can make up for a Lady Gaga performance ( no matter how kick ass it is ) in public . ) ( I 'm pretty sure no vampire would make that mistake . ) ( You think I 'm a loser for listening to Lady Gaga ? Come on over here . . . I 'll show you my nunchucks up close . ) ( That was mean . . . if you 're reading this blog I wouldn 't attack you . I love you . ) ( Wait ? ! I 'm not a loser for loving Lady Gaga , but I am one for being madly in love obsessed appropriately interThoughts by I had some very simple goals today . Get up , get dressed , work at a coffee shop , and go grocery shopping for a nice dinner . ( We 're having a nice dinner because JIM AND PAM ARE GETTING MARRIED TONIGHT ! ! ) ( Yes , I realize that I 'm cooking in celebration of the marriage between a fictional couple but ohmygodit ' sJimandPam ' swedding ! ! ) ( Moving on . ) So I went to a coffee shop , unloaded my stuff , and went to buy a hot chocolate with . . . my forgotten wallet . I forgot my god damn wallet . So I re - packed my stuff and drove home and got my god damn wallet . Then I went back and drank my hot chocolate and worked for a couple of hours , and then I went to the grocery store . I walked in , grabbed my wallet , and grabbed my . . . non - existent grocery list . I lost the god damn grocery list . So I stood in the corner and tried to remember everything that I need for tonight . Chicken ? Check . Veggies ? Check . Milk ? Check . Hot chocolate because wow it 's cold outside ? Check . I got it all , came home and looked at the recipe and . . . got back in the car because I forgot a god damn key ingredient . But , being the positive gal that I am , I decided it was a blessing because I also forgot to get my Count Chocula . ( Very important diet staple , people . ) So I went in , got the key ingredient for my celebration dinner of a fictional marriage and . . . they were out of Count Chocula . The hell ? It 's OCTOBER , store ! You know ? The month of HALLOWEEN ! It 's the prime season for Vampire related chocolate - y - marshmallow - y goodness ! Seriously ? ! ? ! So I got the Magically Delicious variety of dried marshmallow cereal instead . . . ( Maybe I 'll pour some of that hot chocolate mix in there ? ) Now I am home and in my comfy pants because , let 's face it , it 's where I 'm obviously supposed to be . PS : Bonnie was far too excited to see me in my comfy pants . She 's just finished her 37th lap around the house all while thinking ( I assume ) " Mama 's home ! First she left ! Then she came back ! Then she left ! Then she came back ! Then she left ! Then she came back ! And now she 's in comfy pants so she must be staying and it 's sThoughts by After I spoke at my grandmother 's memorial two weeks ago , I was approached by several people who all said the same thing : " You should do stand - up comedy . " I know . . . it 's a weird thing for someone to say to the granddaughter of the deceased . But I guess I was flattered . I managed to make people laugh during a pretty shitty situation , and that 's always cause for celebration , huh ? But I didn 't stand up there intending to make people laugh . My grandma was just a funny person ( the woman wrote jokes in her will , people ) , and so I just spoke about what I thought she 'd want to hear . ( Which just happens to include telling everyone in the room to vote Democrat , because if they didn 't , she 'd know . ) I could say a lot more about the past two or three weeks . . . but it 's just not gonna happen . The other day Mike and I were watching Law and Order : Special Victims Unit and I decided to explain to Mike that one of my favorite names of all time is Mariska Hargitay . Seriously , say it . Mariska Hargitay . Mariska Hargitay . MARISKA HARGITAY ! ! Don 't you feel awesome ? I believe that now is the time to tell all of you ( including an representatives of Ms . Hargitay , because they totally read my blog ) that I do not have any unnatural feelings for or against the actual Mariska Hargitay . Just her name . Really , I 'm not a stalker . So I 'm telling Mike that Mariska Hargitay is a great name and really we should get some sort of pet and name it Mariska Hargitay . Like a goldfish . . . or a ferret . . . or a TURTLE . Then I went through a whole scenario where we live in our house with Bonnie , Hannah , and Mariska Hargitay the Turtle . We spend our days lounging around , feeding Mariska Hargitay the Turtle lettuce leaves and telling Hannah to " PUT MARISKA HARGITAY DOWN ! ! " Then I told Mike about how I 've been reading a lot of blog posts about the importance of goals , and how one of them suggested writing your goals down as a statement with a date , rather than a desire with no set time . This means that instead of saying " I want to eat 37 hot dogs in an hour " , you say " In July 2013 I have eaten 37 hot dogs in an hour " . SO , I told Mike that this seemed like a good idea , so I have a turtle named Mariska Hargitay in December 2011 . ( Christmas present , anyone ? ) Then Mike told me to shut up and watch the rest of the show . Well , THEN I saw one of those police officers break down a door with one of those long door - breaker - downer - thingys ( technical term ) and decided that I wanted to do that . So I have a door - breaker - downer - thingy in 2o12 . THEN I started thinking that it would be REALLY cool if we had a turtle named Mariska Hargitay who fought crime . So I came up with a whole scenario where I would break down the doors and then send in Mariska Hargitay the Turtle and we would play the theme song from Law and Order and we would be FAMOUS . THEN I started thinking thatThoughts by Time : 1 : 15 PM MSTCall to : Ally 's FatherConversation as follows : Dad : Hello ? Me : I HAVE BEEN WAITING ALL DAY FOR MY HAPPY BIRTHDAY CALL AND HAVEN ' T GOTTEN ANY ! ! Dad : OK , hang on . * hangs up * Time : 1 : 16 PM MSTCall from : Ally 's FatherConversation as follows : Dad : * The Happy Birthday Song * Me : WOW ! Thanks . . . that was completely unexpected . Time : 1 : 18 PM MSTCall to : Ally 's MotherConversation as follows : Mom : Hello ? Me : I HAVE BEEN WAITING ALL DAY FOR MY HAPPY BIRTHDAY CALL AND HAVEN ' T GOTTEN ANY ! ! Mom : Well , I was being respectful . Me : Respectful of what ? Mom : I wanted to let you sleep in on your birthday morning . Me : MOM ! ? It 's one o ' clock in the freakin afternoon . . . how late do you think I sleep ? ! Mom : Well , then I got busy . Retirement makes me a very busy woman . Plus , I 'll see you in a couple hours . I 'll call you soon . Time : 1 : 21 PM MSTCall from : Ally 's MotherConversation as follows : Me : Hello crazy woman . Mom : HAPPY BIRTHDAY SUNSHINE ! Me : You saw my tweet , didn 't you ? You 're just trying to make up for it so that I retract my tweet , aren 't you ? Mom : Oh , let me guess , you wrote about how unloved you are ? Me : No . . . that 's what my blog is for . Then she went on to tell me about what an adorable outfit she 's wearing today . Awesome . My brother didn 't even pick up the phone . . . he is probably hiding . BECAUSE HE KNOWS HE MESSED UP . PS : I did get a call from my Grandma . . . she said she forgot the words to Happy Birthday . . . PPS : If you sent me a note or email or text or sky writing message : thank you . I appreciate it . You are awesome . My parents and brother should be ASHAMED . PPPS : Not really . . . I forgive them . . . because I am now a GROWN UP , people . PPPPS : Mike said that my birthday presents are on the bed and that I am NOT allowed to go in there . So I threw some cereal in there so that Hannah would go after it and then maybe retrieve the presents " by accident " . . . it didn 't work . * Golden Retriever FAIL * . PPPPPS : And now we 're out of cereal . Damn . My mom and I went camping with a whole gaggle of girls this past weekend . And by " camping " I mean we took two amazing RVs up to a lake less than an hour away where we ate cheese and crackers and had root beer floats and an amazing variety of alcoholic beverages . . . and I got to sleep in a feather bed . ( VERY important when it comes to sleeping in the great outdoors . ) Then , on the first night , while I was brushing my teeth , my mom decided to set up the coffee pot for the next morning . Mom : Um , that 's weird . . . wait . . . what ? . . . OH MY GOD ! ! ! Me : What are you whining about ? Mom : ANTS ! In the coffee pot ! ! Me : Ants ? * Walks over and expects a few ants * HOLY SHIT ! * Sees a SWARM of ants pour from a large coffee pot in a flood of moving back GROSSNESS * Mom : KILL THEM ! What followed was several minutes of my mother and me smashing insects and trying to drown them in the sink ( with a very small supply of RV water ) . Then , just to be sure , my mother decided to send an array of cleaning chemicals down the drain . . . a concoction of 409 , Windex , and Easy Off Foaming Oven Cleaner seemed to do the trick . ( And caused my eyes to water and my throat to swell shut . . . but DIE ANTS DIE ! ! ) Then we cleared off the entire counter , my mom pointing at anything that moved and me spraying the offending creature with my pistol of 409 spray . ( All while screaming KILL THE FUCKERS and OhmygodOhmygod - we 're - going - to - die . ) This is why we don 't camp . PS : At one point one of the little dogs went into another room ( yes , this RV has ROOMS ) , and my mother promptly screamed that the ants had taken the dog away . . . THAT ' S HOW MANY ANTS THERE WERE . . . ( and how freaked out my mother was by this event ) . ( Logic has never been her strong suit in a traumatic event . ) PPS : If you 're part of some Ant - Loving organization and find the mass murder of these ants offensive . . . screw you . PPPS : I am currently in Florida with my grandmother , mother , cousins and great aunts . . . the sentence " We 're not dysfunctional , just funny " has been spoken . . . It 's going to be a LOOOOONG , very humid week . I have written about my lack of love for cats before . Well , Lightning Legs went and got herself a little bitty kitty , so I had to re - evaluate my feelings about cats . I mean , a cat is now a part of the family , so I have to get over my fear that a cat will rip out my throat when I 'm not looking . ( Or at least make my peace with it . ) So I went to the store and got a whole bunch of cat toys to appease the devil kitty . ( BTW , cats toys ? Look exactly like sex toys . What the hell is up with that ? ) I also made Marlin ( that 's the devil kitty 's name ) a card . . . When we showed up at the house , I immediately ripped open all of the toys and scattered them across the floor . ( Keep the kitty distracted from your neck = number one rule in devil kitty survival . ) Soon , I had Marlin attacking everything in site ( EXCEPT my vital organs ) , and he had no interest in me : While I was trying to appease the devil kitty with my offering , Mike told me that I was doing pretty well for someone who hates cats . I explained that regardless of how I feel about cats in general ( DEVIL ! ! ) , Marlin is so freaking cute it hurts . . . I then compared the kitty to Dexter : he 's adorable , and I love him , but at the end of the day , he 's still a serial killer . I 'm very happy that Lightning Legs has Marlin . . . but I won 't be sleeping over at her house anytime soon . . . My personal goal for BlogHer 2009 was to meet Jenny the Bloggess and confess my undying love for her . ( I also had work goals . . . and goals to not panic . . . all accomplished ! ) ( But THIS is the important one . ) ( And the most entertaining . ) If you don 't know who The Bloggess is . . . you and I really shouldn 't be friends . But I 'll fill you in . . . Jenny is the most HILARIOUS woman out there . Seriously . And , I can now say , one of the sweetest women too . When I found out that I was going to this conference , I was thrilled for a lot of reasons . Yes , it would be great to be able to go for my job , and yes , it would be great to meet all of these awesome people , and I got to see some old family friends in Chicago . But , let 's face it , the fact that Jenny was there was at the top of my list of " GREATEST THINGS ABOUT GOING TO BLOGHER ! ! " So , the first night I went to a party that she would be at . And I knew that she 'd be in the bathroom . . . ( I should probably explain that Jenny has a major panic disorder , so she doesn 't like big crowds ( I can relate ) , so she hides out in the bathroom . . . ) I went to the party , started talking to a girl ( also named Ali , and she is awesome ) , and I soon found out that she actually KNOWS JENNY . Holy shit , y ' all . . . it was fate . So we decided to hunt her down , and we checked the bathrooms . And there she was ! In the bathroom ! Talking to some people ! Looking hot as hell in her confidence wig ! Her sticker has a picture of her and says , " It 's only offensive to assholes . " I was so excited . She is a blogging celebrity , and a personal hero of mine , so I was VERY happy to have found her in the 5th floor bathroom outside of ballroom B at the Sheraton in Chicago . Then . . . This woman walked in . Yes , those are empty prescription bottles that she 's using as hair rollers . According to her , it 's " really fucking hard to get those fucking labels off of these fucking bottles " . And she screamed " WHAT ' S UP MY BITCHES ? " And then she offered me her water bottle . . . which was filled with straight vodka . ( I politely declined . ) She had the water bottle fiThoughts by
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Kind of like " Cheers " is to Bostonians , we 're a Dallas - area hangout for misfits and wingnuts but people like each other here and we laugh a lot . But hey , we always set out an extra plate , like they do in Arab lands . Come on in , get a cup of coffee and stay a while . " Heaven 's On Fire " by Kiss , when Mark and Tim would come in the fraternity house , turn up their stereos too loud and repeat Gene Simmons heavy breathing ( Huh ! Huh ! Hah ! Huh ! ) on the beats after a long night of binge drinking . I 've been pretty much live theatre intensive this weekend . Last night , it was the Marcus High School production of Disney 's Beauty and The Beast . I think this show was different than Suessical 's production largely because most everyone in America has seen the movie . . . and I 'd even seen it on Broadway a couple of years ago . People would have some very high expectations this cast and crew would have to meet . My friend Meghan was also in the ensemble and she got to play the barmaid in the hunting lodge scenes . The ensemble really got to show their stuff when they did an extended dance with mugs during the " Gaston " song in Act 1 . That addition to the scene was truly impressive . My friend John had the lead as the Beast / prince . He handled a part that required all kinds of stage movement ( wearing a full set of makeup as well as a full length cape ) on a two - story set , a fight scene and the singing parts like a pro . John , you 're eaten up with all kinds of talent , my friend . Suffice to say that high school plays aren 't what they used to be . . . this one had great costumes , high tech mikes and lights , and it seemed like everybody was so talented . They had a live musical score with the high school orchestra and all that . The crowd cheered loudly at times . The teens took their well - deserved bows . One of the themes of the play was never to forget how lucky you are , which the song reprised quite a bit . And I am lucky . I mean , I was at work tonight for crying out loud . I expensed the $ 8 ticket . Teens have allowed me into their world . I get to serve these incredibly gifted and talented young people FOR A LIVING ! But , you know , I couldn 't get past the reality that my friends were involved in a very well done play on a Thursday night . What did your friends do with their night that was so great ? I have great friends , and I am lucky . I finished reading book # 5 of 2005 yesterday in the hammock . It 's by Pete Greig , entitled " The Vision and The Vow : Re - Discovering Life and Grace . " Pretty bold subtitle so I was intrigued . " Sometimes it is when we stop trying to be relevant that we actually become relevant to a watching world . Our " irrelevance " may well be the very message the world is looking for at this time . Sometimes we will be called to defy the culture - - nevery to deify it - - by living biblically and modeling a different way of being a student , a musician , a teacher , or whatever world we 've been sent to inhabit . " He then quotes Os Guinness : " Never have Christians pursued relevance more strenuously and yet never have Christians been more irrelevant . " Later he quotes Guinness when he said that the evangelical community has tranferred authority from " Sola Scriptura " to " Sola Cultura . " Wow . " While my vision - - the Christian 's vision - - is Christ , His vision is . . . me ! His vision is not just some cosmic master plan for benevolent domination , nor is itfilled with those legions of angels about His throne . God 's vision is filled with His children , and His greatest delight - - His highest joy - - is to see us fully alive . " On grace : " Too often we are reduced to trivial debates about how far we can go sexually or how much we should give financially - - all the shades of gray in the ethics of obedience . And I suppose if we 're adherents to a religious code , then such negotiations are fine and necessary . But if we are caught up in an infatuation of the holy , if this is a religion of living relationship and burning passion , then the impulse will not be to get the best deal , but rather , to give with joyful extravagance . " My daughter invited a friend to our church 's middle school program last night . The kid climbed into our van wearing a Rolling Stones hoodie and asked if it was okay to wear to our church ( it is . . . we have lots of fans of Gramps With Amps at CBC ) . She 's into Tom Petty ( her favorite and she saw him in concert when she was 6 with her dad ) , Queen , The Eagles , Led Zeppelin and not a day goes by that she doesn 't " have the Beatles playing at some point . " She told me she was born two decades too late . She writes all the time and her favorite class is Creative Writing . She lived in a " haunted apartment " once and left a warning note for the new occupants on her moving day . Her dad is in N . A . She claims 8 siblings . The choices she gave her parents for her birthday present were a pony or Napoleon Dynamite on DVD . They didn 't give her the DVD because she " quotes it all the time so she doesn 't need it " and she 's still waiting on her pony . Her coach doesn 't like her " because she doesn 't run very fast . " She told her small group leader that she liked our church and she might " need more religion " in her life . I immediately liked this kid . The kid liked our church 's middle school program . Said it was " cool . " There 's been a controversy bouncing around in my evangelical circle of late . Basically , some cartoon characters , notably SpongeBob Squarepants , Barney , Winnie the Pooh and some others , are in a video . This video will be shown in public school systems and highlights tolerance . . . Started out with coffee with Shelby before school . Immediately followed that up with coffee with Kelsey . Gotta love two different schools with two different start times . That 's one of my favorite times of the week , just getting caught up with my girls for an uninterrupted hour . Did a complete round of blog checks . It can take an hour or so , but it 's the perfect antidote to teaching three times on Sunday , and three different lessons . Sure , there was a bit of overlap on two of them , but primarily the lessons were different . It 's a nice way to decompress , checking blogs of friends and students . Went to the doctor . No need to hang out a shingle ( see yesterday 's entry ) , and no structural damage . We 're going to try some stretching and lifting ( I 've been trying to get well by resting it ) and we 'll see if it need an MRI to check for cartilege damage , but he wanted to try some special exercises to see if that solves the problem . I had to make an appointment to visit the doctor . I rarely do that . I can count on one hand the number of visits to a physician I 've made in the last 15 years . I like to think it 's superior genetic make - up . Well , the superior genetic make - up only seems to work if it 's an illness that would keep you from a day of work . It doesn 't appear to be able to work it 's magic if your knees are involved . I goofed one up two years ago and , as my years of liberal arts education give me license to make such educated decisions , I diagnosed my right knee as sprained and rolled merrily along . I chalked up my ability to predict rain by it 's pain as " folksy . " Treatment : Tough it up , girly man . revealed a severe sprain . I finished the season and we came in 2nd place , a game from the championship T - shirt . I chalked up the pain that shot into my brain if I tripped or stubbed my toe as " phantom . " Treatment : Rest it more . I took some time to clean out my van . I parked at the trash can farthest from the door of the store . It was a gesture of both practicality and embarrasment avoidance . I feel guilty using gas station trash cans for " bulk trash " dumping and I don 't know why . I can 't imagine they care . They have an amazing variety of coffees to choose from , as well as an " additive bar " that included cinnamon , caramel , honey and a wide assortment of creamers and sugars . I thought " Poor Man 's Starbucks " and felt as if I was in the right place . This particular store had an plastic faux - mahogony wine shelf with a broad selection , too . I can understand the coffee , but who would want to do fine - wine browsing at a 7 - 11 ? The college student working there was extremely courteous and " by the book . " She had excellent grammar : " I 'm doing WELL , and you ? " as well as " May I please see some identification to verify your credit card usage ? On my return trip , she was cleaning the coffee " additive bar " within an inch of it 's life , singing to the music playing in the store . " Happy , productive , educated member of the Mosaic generation , " I thought . Definitely not a slacker . On this second trip , a car arrived in the space next to me as I was getting out . I noted she left her 5 - year - old daughter in the backseat while she went in the store . In the time I used the restroom , washed my hands , grabbed a bottled water and got in line to pay , the driver - lady had only now gotten behind me in line and only had a 12 - pack of Miller Lite . I tried to think of why a grown woman would leave a child unattended for that long and came up with everything from a poor parent to simply ignorant of the dangers of society and about 8 things in - between ( most of them negative ) . My 7th grade daughter came out of the S . A . T . 's after 4 - hours of my listening to 3 sermons , preparing two Bible studies , reading a couple of articles and chapters and journaling a bit . She said she thought it would be harder . I have no idea how to read that statement . We then had a " sit down " lunch and didn 't discuss anything hard . Tracy spotted a CD entitled , " Michael Jackson : The Number Ones . " She earnestly wanted it and I couldn 't argue with her when she said something along the lines of , " Well , he may be a freak off stage but these are some really good pop songs . Besides , we know every song on it because of the videos when we were in high school . " Anyway , later last year , she wanted to go see Prince when he toured Dallas . Her argument was very similar . The show sold out and we were unsuccessful at getting tickets , so she 's not alone . . . 40 , 000 people over two nights seemed to be okay with it . It was 11 years ago today that I first laid eyes on her . Sure , I 'd seen sonogram images ( we still have the videotape of that ) and felt her move . . . but on January 21 , 1994 , in the early evening . . . I held her . I was thinking she 'd be born closer to my birthday , but it was a very pleasant surprise . I had a job interview that next day in North Carolina . Tracy wanted me to go as there was plenty of family around to help out and take care of her and Shelby . I didn 't get the job , but for some reason they took me house - hunting before we left . . . so at one point I thought they were going to give me the job . . . they thought so , too . Shelby , happy 11th birthday , my dear . When the standing ovations come because of your stage presence , know that no one will be standing prouder or cheering louder or with a bigger bouquet of flowers than your dad . I 'm your biggest fan . I love you ! See , Social Security has been sucking money out of my paycheck since I was 16 . Lots of money . My employers have had to match that amount . Over time , it adds up . Supposedly enough to supplement my retirement ( like youth ministers get to retire , but since we 're in the hypothetical , go with me on that ) . Social Security is headed for disaster because , since there 's no " lock box " the money that people pay in currently simply flows right out into the pockets of people who spent the money that was supposed to be in the " lock box . " It 's fine for now as there 's enough people paying into the system to keep it solvent . But anyone can see that it 'll cause problems around 2018 when more people will be taking money out than there will be people putting into it . That 's 13 years if you 're doing the math . Us GenXers have been talking about this train coming down the tracks for years . . . we 've long talked about Baby Boomer retirees who took all the good jobs , got their benefits packages and then stripped our generation of those same things . They 're throwing a party and asking us to clean up after it . . . . The big divide this time is less political than generational - - although politics , as always , plays a signficant role . The president 's plan would allow Americans to invest part of their Social Security contribution in personal accounts . How you feel about this has a lot to do with whether you grew up listening to Benny Goodman , Elvis Presley or Eminem . . . . . . Young people deserve a voic , perhaps never more than in this debate . It will be on their watch that Social Security goes into the red , and theyare the ones who will be taxed into oblivion to rescue it . It 's disappointed that more politicians and pundits don 't seem to care about that . . . We never had a voice . We never had the numbers so we were ignored . We never had representation . It was a quiet tyranny . So , we just went about our business . And , now , our president is pointing it out and the generation that caused it all is leaving it to someone else to clean it up . They don 't like it . So they attack him on this issue ( when there are so many others that they could have fun with ) . So , lemme get this straight : The so - called " Greatest Generation " raised children who are the most self - centered in American history ( politically and socially ) who continue to be so in their old age by " defending the status quo , " and GenX , who 's been pointing this out since we 're old enough to vote have a president addressing our concerns and he gets attacked ? Open memo to the Baby Boomers : Those grandchildren you 're holding . . . think of how much tax they 're going to have to pay because of your decisions . Then vote accordingly . Please . One of my former students , Dustin , is a doctoral candidate at the University of Michigan . In his pursuits , he 's spending a lot of time on the writings of David Hume . Picked up a copy of his " Discourses Concerning Natural Religion . " It 's now a Penguin " pocket classic , " ( and somehow that moniker is on the best books and they cost the least ) which I picked up at Barnes & Noble yesterday and will carry around in my pocket . I 'm thrilled to begin discourse with him on this as the last time I read it was nearly 20 years ago . . . I feel so . . . " When Jesus calls us to follow Him , we want clarity : to assess our options , set expectations , and know our boundaries . But God 's route from A to C is rarely via B . His voice is rarely unmistakeable . His Word often raises more questions than answers . We ask for guidance expecting a road map , or at least a sign , and He gives us His hand and the dimmest of torches . " - - Pete Greig . It isn 't so much the " options " that have me dissheveled at present . It 's the " expectations " and the " boundaries . " I mean , I know ( truly KNOW ) where I 'm supposed to be . I 'm just struggling a bit with how that plays out in my day - to - day life . Yep . Torch in hand . Looking around the next corner or next tree . A bit uncomfortable . But happy I 've got the torch and that I 'm on the right path . One year we had this very successful ministry event in which there was very high energy worship , small groups in homes , laser tag / bowling / bumper cars / movie / Sega Gameworks . . . the whole deal . Lots of kids came . Lots of Biblical teaching affected kids lives . The evaluations the teens filled out raved about how much fun they had and what good teaching they got . Curiously , I asked the kids who gave positive evaluations why they didn 't sign up again . Basically it came down to this : " Why would I pay the money for a weekend to go warp speed like that ? I go warp speed all the time and I can do that stuff on my own ? " Our staff got a bus , rented a camp a couple of hours away that has no TV 's , provides beds and prepares meals and some gym space . Other than that , there 's an optional bonfire . No staff - led organized Bible studies . No speakers . Just relaxation and fellowship . Hanging out . . . . A teen who hasn 't shown too much interest in spiritual things in the three years in our ministry or the one year in my Bible study decided to tell me what he believes God built him to do and his vision for how to make that a ministry . He was passionate about it , too . He needed help refining it and making it a reality so he asked me a few things . I doubt it would 've happened on a " high energy " weekend . . . . Neither does War Ball , or gym hockey . Sarah gets body checked every year . This year after it happened she announced in her Minnie Mouse voice that she was now " completely enraged " so everybody better " watch out , " the game had to stop down while the players composed themselves . . . . When you schedule nothing , you actually get more out of the time than you would have if you scheduled something . I think we 've found our decade - long ministry idea for January every year . There 'll come a time when we go back to the high - energy long weekend , but for now , I can 't imagine a more effective ministry tool . My last plea to my Fairy Godmother worked out ( well , sorta kinda . . . faithful blog readers will remember that I asked for Auburn to win all their games after the Red Sox won it all . They did . . . but they didn 't win the national championship ) . So , I thought I 'd try it again : I can assure you , it didn 't suck . There are worse ways to spend an afternoon , I 'd think . And I was on the clock . Beautiful ? Absolutely . To me , almost magical . I never thought I 'd live to see a t - shirt like that , and knowing that my team has a legitimate argument to put that on their t - shirts . . . well , it makes my winter . Tracy and I made a decision early in our marriage that for our youth ministry to be effective , we 'd have to open our home to teenagers . It helps build relationships . It helps teens see you in real life instead of only church life . In return , they become part of your life , too . That iron sharpens iron thing . Plus , you get great memories when you look at old family photos and videos and see them littered with teens past and present . They can come in without knocking , too . They came in without knocking last night and filled up the couch and my chair . They talked about the plays they were in . They talked theology . . . trying to piece together the rapture and the trilogy ( " I mean ' Trinity ! " Did I say ' trilogy ? ' " ) and Mormonism . They kidded about dating . They talked about their old science fair projects . They made arrangements for the retreat this weekend . They laughed . . . a lot , with and at each other . They talked about their goals for school and sports and college . They told stories about how they treated their younger siblings . They had parents call because they were supposed to get school supplies for their younger brother . . . and were staying later than they expected . And my home had life that only 5 teenagers can bring to it . It never gets old . And it reminds me how beautiful my " job " can be . . . and is . I 'm trying to be gracious . I 'm trying to look for the good in some members of the tribe known as Christians , to which I am unashamedly a part of . But , like any family , when we have our family reunions , we get all kinds . One family member I like and admire was at our church staff pre - show dinner with the band " Lost and Found . " We asked them a question about their next challenges and how long they could keep doing the " band " thing . Michael , the singer / guitarist , answered , " Well , pretty much any band can do a concert and have kids walk away saying , ' What a great band . ' We play with the house lights up , interact with our audience before , during and after the show , because we want kids to leave our concerts saying , ' Wow . I 'm a great kid . ' " The point was that they wanted to encourage people that God loves them , and those people on the stage loved them , too . They said they could keep doing the " band thing " as long as they were one of the few bands doing that kind of thing . In this case , the " obnoxious uncle " church we try to tolerate is going around the neighborhoods in our community putting these door - hanging ads on front doors . You know , those things that usually have carpet - cleaning ads or pizza coupons on them ? Those things . Except they aren 't coupons of any type . . . just an ad for their upcoming sermon series . I 'm not making this up , and this is it , verbatim : As a culture we are fascinated by other people 's dirty laundry . Today one of the most popular programs on television is a show that exposes the foolish actions of desperate housewives . You might be amazed , but the Bible exposes somewomen who were not always squeaky clean . It has a picture of laundry on a line outside a ritzy home . And , if I bring back the ad , the church will give me a " free gift . " It 's a book called " God 's Promises for Women . " The dictionary defines it as " to tire extremely or completely . " Yep . That 's me today . . . with a full day of work ahead , too . Ugh . The first boss I had was Bill . He was the head greenskeeper at the country club in our community and my mom somehow got me an interview there and I got the job . The job paid $ 3 . 35 / hour and it pretty much involved cutting grass , raking sand traps and making sure the tees and greens were up to snuff . Anyway , Bill was the full - time boss of assorted characters who lived in tents or did drugs or got kicked out of the military . What 's scary is me and my friends did the grunt work for these guys . Bill never got any of our names right , but he was generally close . Hal ( occasional commenter on this blog ) was " Howell . " I was " Brett . " Craig was " Greg . " Bo was always " This man right here . " Jimmy was " Timmy . " A morning would start out with , " Brett , I want you and Howell to take This Man Right Here and fix the tee boxes and sand traps . Timmy , you take Greg and get all the trash cans . " He would come out to find us working , and while he was giving us instructions . . . no kidding . . . he would just start peeing while talking to us . He was infamous for sayings like , " Howell , if that 's a straight line my ass is a Chinese typewriter . " Needless to say , we imitated him and his sayings constantly . . . even if we hadn 't ever seen a Chinese typewriter to know if an ass looks like one . He also painted the greens green to make them look good and used us to get money under - the - table by doing personal work for country club members . After that , I got a job at a movie theatre . . . the Hoover Square Six ( which was a larger theatre at the time ) . My first boss was Mary . She was a lesbian who wore Harley - Davidson stuff , a chain smoker , and trusted 16 - year - olds with $ 35 , 000 worth of cash on the weekends . In addition , she wrote erotic short - stories for publication in pornographic magazines and would read them to us . She was cool as far as letting us break the company rules regarding tickets / popcorn for friends and she 'd let us stay late and watch movies before they came out . Needless to say , reading pornography and leaving the office to hang out with the Rocky Horror late - night crowd while the kids balanced the books got her fired in pretty short order . My next boss there was somebody who got promoted from our ranks , Jeff . He was in his last year of college and a business major who immediately started to apply what he was learning in his new role . The problem was two - fold : First , he was " one of us " before his promotion and used to break the rules as much as we did . Second , he was an effiminate guy , which made it hard for us to take him seriously when he 'd get mad at us and really YELL things like , " I don 't care if you are about to set the record on Galaga ( there was a gameroom in our theatre ) , you have to go clean up theatre five . . . A Christmas Story just let out ! " Lisp the " S 's " and then try to keep a straight face . Later on , he wouldn 't hire me back during Christmas breaks because I was notorious for letting people in free and one of the " secret " evaluators was a friend of mine and I let him in free . Ooops . My last one was Bob , and this was a job at a sports memorabilia store I had to help put myself through seminary . He only came in late in the day to check on sales , but he called about every hour to find out , " What 're we up to now ? " He said things like , " The customer is NOT always right . Most of our customers are idiots . . . why else would anyone pay $ 350 for an autographed poster of Ray " Boom - Boom " Mancini ? " Also , be wary of any autographed item you buy because , while we purchased autographed items only from reputable distributors , occasionally the Certificate of Authenticity would get lost . In such cases , he had his own certificates of authenticity , which I wondered why I couldn 't just sign stuff ourselves and then authenticate it . My favorite story was when he called me one night late and said , " Brent , I just heard from a friend of mine at the hospital that Mickey Mantle is going to die in the next day or two . . . get on the distributor Net and buy up to $ 2 , 000 worth of autographed balls and photos and anything else you can get . We can make some fast cash if we work this right . " He also sucked his teeth constantly . Second , she tried to keep in mind her audience , but the song she wrote ( well , you know ) she chose to change the words from " I 'm like a French Maid " to " I like lemonade . " Third , if you 're really a " nice " kind of girl , please don 't try to be a stripper dancing ( well , you know ) suggestively . Be who you are instead of an image . Tomorrow night my favorite live entertainment night is coming to our church . The band Lost and Found is showing up with an improv comedy troupe . I cannot tell you how much I 'm looking forward to it , either . Everytime I see them I leave with a headache from laughing so much . As an aside , if you 're one of my youth pastor friends who reads this and want to come ( and bring some of your kids ) , give me a call . I know the producer of the show and can throw a few " comps " your way ! Us youth pastors gotta stick together ! First , lately , I 've been reading a lot of insights into the creative process . . . everything from Anne Lamott to Stephen King to Kurt Cobain to Kurt Vonnegut . Seems to me that great art is really about moving from " general " to " specific . " What I 'm getting at is that what happens in great art is that there is an idea , a lot of energy in creative expression of that idea , and finally . . . . . . most importantly . . . the editing ( or refining ) of the initial idea . Which can actually take much longer than the creativity itself . So , I 'm thinking that great art is really the result of meticulous editing / refinement . I don 't know why , but I 'd always viewed it the other way around . . . that you edit and refine and then go for the creativity . Ever have one of those days when you wake up , and a song is going through your head before it even gets off the pillow , and it describes perfectly ( or maybe even sets ) the tone for your whole day ? Or is it just me that has that happen ? Anyway , I woke up with the Stavesacre song " Shiv " in my brain . They 're definitely very " Metal " in their music , so I thought I 'd share with you the lyrics from their website :
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I had an awesome idea this year for the annual letter . See , some of you might not know this , but I 'm a big social media nut . Love Twitter , love Facebook , love connecting with others online . I know - total news to you , right ? Anyway , so what a great idea it would have been to have this post be a year of Facebook status highlights , right ? RIGHT ? No . Talk about a lot of noise to sift through . Don 't try it - really , don 't . Though not many over share the way I do , so it might be easier for you to try this yourself . Only I want credit for the idea ! I did manage to get highlights of the last year in a photo album , so we can thank Facebook for that . Click right HERE for it ! So , how has your year been ? If you 've followed this place even a little bit , you get an idea of the busy year it was . Well , at least for me . How about the rest of the clan ? Let 's break it down ! Samantha is now 11 ( though she will throw the half in there ) . She had a good year , with some changes . Before school ended , she performed with her class in a wonderful show and they were amazing . She loves to sing and dance ! We also found that she really loves to be active , and enjoys football and basketball . I 'm excited for her to move to her new school next year , where she will be able to take on some extra - curricular activities and really find out what interests her . But I 'm getting ahead of myself . Sam is now in the middle of her last year at the Montessori school she began attending in preschool , which makes me feel quite old . It 's been quite the ride , but even with the bumps she has managed to persevere and shine through . At the end of this year she lost one amazing teacher , but fortunately the replacement is just as amazing ! She just goes with the flow , and it only adds to her growth . She sucks up learning like a sponge , but the sponge never fills up ! She just wants more , and I hope she never loses that . We can 't fill up that brain fast enough ! It also makes me confident that when she begins Middle School in the fall she will only continue to progress . Allison has " smoothly " made the transition into teenagerhood , now 14 . Earlier in the year while finishing up middle school she found another love in Archery . In March she participated in the statewide competition and did quite well for a first - timer . She has taken it up again this year , and knows she will do even better now that she knows the way it all works . As an incoming Freshman in High School ( seriously - whose kids am I talking about ? ) , she also became a mentor for other students just beginning at her school . She will also be playing soccer again in the spring , and has also taken up choir this year . She is continuing Girl Scouts as well , and in her free time ( ha ! ) you can find her drawing and watching and listening to anything anime - related . Or at an anime convention . Or sleeping . In June she had an extra special adventure : a two - week hiking / camping trip through Denali National Forest in Alaska ! This was a trip she took with her Uncle Andy and Grandma Tari . She had an AMAZING time . Hiking , kayaking , glacier - climbing . . . so many experiences and memories . We feel very grateful that she had this opportunity , and she will never forget it . Bret is still slugging away at Intel , and has been key in setting up a continuing education program for employees . The tech changes fast , and it 's good to be on top of it . He 's also become quite the green thumb too - and loves spending time in the vegetable garden . We love eating what he grows too ! He also had a solo trip with Alli and Sam this October and took them to Disneyland where they had a blast ! As for me , it seemed to be the year of coming out of my shell . In January I ran my first half - marathon , and pretty much survived . February I spoke about podcasting to a room full of tween girl scouts . I also wrote my first freelance magazine article for Homeland Security Today , on border security in Arizona . This year I once again participated in PodcampAZ , not just as an organizer but I ran my own session as well . I enjoyed the experience of Podcamp so much this year , I decided I might as well run the whole damn thing next year . Ok that 's an exaggeration , but I think I 'm going to be the one everyone can blame for anything that goes wrong with the unconference this year . I 'll keep you posted . I also became a CASA ( Court Appointed Special Advocate ) for children in the foster care system . I 've always wanted to become a foster parent , and we 're not quite to that point in our lives yet to bring in more children , so this is a way I can pay it forward and help children in the system now . It 's so far been a very rewarding experience , and a very personal journey for me too . As a family , we did many things together . In March we went to Las Vegas to see my brother Henry and his wife Maria renew their vows . It actually was a lot of fun , and the kids enjoyed seeing the adult playground . In which we only took them out in sparingly , and for very specific things . Bret and I also enjoyed seeing the Cirque Du Soleil performance of " Love " with my sister and mother . In April we participated in Pat 's Run again . This time the whole family ran the longer portion , which made me beyond happy ! In June my sister Jenn and I threw a surprise 60th birthday party for our mom Regina , which really did surprise her ! I 'll never forget the look on her face , it was awesome . She had no clue it was coming , nor did she know we were able to get some very good friends of hers to fly in for the occasion . In July we made our nearly - annual trek to the east coast . Spent a good portion of it in NYC this time . We saw Lady Liberty up close , and also enjoyed seeing a TON of family at my aunt and uncle 's 50th wedding anniversary . We also spent time in Massachusetts too , and celebrated my sister Katie 's 40th birthday with a fancy dinner . This Christmas the foster - family clan is traveling here to spend a warmer holiday season , and we can 't wait ! So that is it , another year complete . 2012 is looking to be another crazy ride , and we are very much looking forward to seeing what it will bring . May the new year bring all of you nothing but joy , in your family , in your friends , and of course , in yourselves . I 've been on the PodcampAZ organizing committee for 4 out of 5 years . Last year I bowed out , blaming it on having too much to do . Which I think , looking back , was total BS . EVERY year is busy . I will always have a ton of things going on , and a ton to do . I am ( for the most part ) happy that way . I like being a part of things , being involved . I know I always bitch and moan about Arizona , but that 's really all political . Oh , and the heat . Gorram heat and the air quality and . . . oh well nevermind . Seriously though , the community in the Metro Phoenix area just can 't be beat . Even my friend Scott was telling me that it would be hard to find this unique community involvement in the Manhattan area , or even the Boston area . It just doesn 't happen . The Valley really is a place where you can find a group for just about anything - and probably run into at least 5 people you know at each , who will welcome you with open arms . And beer . So when PodcampAZ was in its beginnings , I jumped at the chance to get involved . I look at PodcampAZ as sort of an underdog in the big scheme of events that happen in the valley . In some ways , it 's harder to sell a free conference than a paid one . You just don 't get the same level of commitment from attendees , and in some cases volunteers , not to mention the fact that you 're trying to explain why this is even worth the time when it 's free . For some reason putting a dollar sign with something adds value in people 's minds . And explaining the whole " un - conference " theme to people ? Sheesh . I 'm so glad we 've changed the name ! This year of organizing was without a doubt the best year I 've had working on PodcampAZ . Sure , you get your bumps in the road . People join in , then disappear . We scramble to get things done last minute because well , you know we all have a life and that takes precedent at times . But for the most part , everything stayed on track , and we all worked together really well . Another committee member mentioned that she felt for the first time that she truly felt included and actually contributed this time . This was a good thing . We stuck together , and have been there all these years because we see the potential this ( un ) conference has to offer , and we work our booties off to show this to you . Things went so well , we actually had time to sit and get to know each other better during the weekend - and I consider that a win . My fellow volunteers are awesome , and I consider them all my friends . I 'm proud of them and what was accomplished this year . We don 't make a penny off this conference , it all comes from amazing sponsors and goes right back into the weekend . What brings us together is our love of this community and all it has to offer . We all ready know this . We know how awesome the community is , know a lot of the people all ready in it . We also know many more who * should * get involved and learn more about these things as well . We know the benefits , and we want to share . We believe in this cause , because it 's helped us in so many different ways , and we want it to help you too . That 's why we volunteer . For me , it 's worth every Saturday spent driving across town to meet . Even though we all are in it together , you can 't have a committee without someone taking the reigns and leading . He doesn 't make a big deal out of it , but without Tyler keeping us on track we never would have pulled it off . I think he took on too much at times , but that 's to be expected when you 're the go - to person . I think I can speak for all of us who organized the weekend when I say how grateful I am to him . Tyler made us a team . He 's not going to be as involved next year as we plan for TechPhx , and he will be missed . We also know that we have a strong enough backbone to continue on and make the inaugural TechPhx one of the best weekends ever ! We 're always looking for more to help too ! As you see from my last post , we all have multiple roles in this . We 're not just organizers . We 're attendees . We 're presenters . We 're there just like everyone else , and the more the merrier . We had 9 - 10 people this year , and as I said it was the smoothest year I 've had . I can only imagine how 20 volunteers would be . Or 30 . Almost makes me feel like I could lead it . ; ) For the first time in 5 years of attending PodcampAZ , I was a speaker . I have no idea what finally made me feel ready to do so . Back in February I spoke about Podcasting to a bunch of Girl Scouts . That was fun , and it went well . Then I spoke about Podcasting at Gangplank Jr . for their journalism program . Also went well . Maybe I figured , " hey , if I can speak to kids ( who can be the harshest , most honest critics ) , then talking to adults should be cake ! " At any rate , I did it . My topic was " How To Podcast Your Politics ( and still have people listen ) . " It started out a little bumpy . I was nervous , even though there were only 12 people in the room and I knew 8 of them . I don 't like being noticed . Seriously . I 'd rather sit back and listen , ask questions now and then . I 'm much better ( and louder ) behind a microphone . Plus , I kept looking at my outline , and stumbling around a bit . Felt a little like an idiot . What changed was when I told everyone to jump in and contribute at any time . After that it became more of a discussion . The session led itself , and I just made sure to get through all SIX of my slides ! It was a really good time , and I got some really positive feedback . I might just know a thing or two about something ! I did record this session , so when I finally get through all the audio to post - I will . I was also on a couple of panels this weekend . The Podcasting Panel , which was just general Q & A about the what , where , why 's of Podcasting . It was ok . I 'm very basic in my set up , and I think others make it more complex than it needs to be . They definitely make it more expensive than it needs to be . I just let the others do all the talking . I might skip participating in that one next year if they have it . Unless they really want me to contribute . I just wasn 't feeling it this time , but that 's cool . The panel I * really * enjoyed being a part of was the Being Visible Online panel . I didn 't think I qualified to be on it , honestly . I just do my thing and don 't really worry about who 's watching . Turns out I did have something to contribute , and it was an awesome discussion about what you can do , and probably shouldn 't do to be visible online . I 'm definitely an " oversharer " - every little thing and even a little bigger thing will make it into a tweet or a Facebook status update . It 's just what I do . I don 't worry about it being too much , I enjoy it . In the political world , it certainly has its drawbacks , and I talked about the time a troll decided to attack me personally after hearing my show . For the most part , if you have an awareness about what you do , you can still be very open AND secure online . The thing that is great about all of this is the control is in your hands , so you can decide if you want to follow what I 'm doing , listen to what I 'm saying , or read what I 'm writing . And if you don 't want to , hey that is just fine . We all use the series of tubes for different reasons , and some want to use it more , and some less . My * SQUEEEE ! * moment - Carey Pena of 3TV spoke this year , so I sat in on a bit of her talk . Afterwards , I saw her at the front door talking , and decided that I would go up and thank her for coming and speaking ( as an organizer , that 's the next post ! ) . So I introduced myself , thanked her for speaking and said I was an organizer . All of this speaking just makes me more visible too , not to mention more confident every time I do it . Which is good , since I want to start writing more and getting into more audio editing as a business sort of thing . I have a ton of hands - on experience now in many areas , why shouldn 't I try and make a couple bucks here and there too ? What . A . Weekend . I 'm sitting here in a dazed , confuzzled state trying to get all my thoughts together and write this . I could probably wait until tomorrow , but I also know that I should get this down while it 's all still semi - fresh in my head . So many things I want to get down from an organizing , attending , and presenting point of view , I don 't know where to start . The best way to do this is to just start writing . * UPDATE : So , it looks like I ended up talking about the big name change . And I did end up waiting until tomorrow . Next post will cover my specific thoughts as an organizer and presenter this year . The 5th PodcampAZ was this past weekend . Yes , the shirt says " Last . " It was our big surprise , but leaked a little bit early . No biggie . I think everyone was expecting some long , drawn out ramble about a big PodcampAZ - podfade . Or that we merged with some other conference that made podcasting a side note . Instead , we on the committee * * simply decided to change the name . That 's it . So PodcampAZ has now become TechPhx . Since the beginning , although we stuck to the " unconference " rule that Podcamp has stood by for 5 years , it 's never been solely about podcasting . PodcampAZ wasn 't even created by a podcaster ! It was an awesome dude who saw the Podcamp model and understood the innovative possibilities behind it , and me and many other local podcasters were quick to get on board . But PodcampAZ from the start has always been about the tech community and social media in general , and for the most part the conferences each year have been fairly successful . The problem was getting new people to understand what the conference is , and " Podcamp " to the general public simply isn 't as easy to explain . TechPhx is . I 'd really be surprised to say the word " tech " to anyone and have them not know what I was talking about . Technology is our present , and our future . Podcasting is part of that technology , and PodcampAZ will be just one track of many next year . When I have more to say about that , you will be the first to know . As a podcaster , I 'm very protective of my medium , just like anyone who believes in something they use often , and serves them well . I never would have been pro - active to a name change had I thought podcasting was going to be edged out the way it has in other conferences . I get it . You have to move with the changes , and incorporate them with what you 're doing , rather than struggling to polarize an event that was never that polarized to begin with . It 's a big tech - world out there . We want everyone to know they have a place to go , with a strong community that will help them get started , or expand on what they all ready know . * * Don 't sit in the background and grumble about things you didn 't like about the event . Join us and be a part of getting your opinions known and turned into reality ! Only you can be the change . . . that Gandhi guy was awesome . And if you thought it was awesome just the way it was - then you should join us too ! We 're always looking for more bodies to make the organization process run even smoother than it did this year ! I use my voice a lot between the radio and podcasting . So , why has it taken me five years to gather up the nerve to speak at PodcampAZ ? I didn 't think I had anything worthy to tell you . Sure , I blather on about politics and issues that concern me , hoping that through my reasoning they can concern you too . But what can I possibly teach anyone ? Well , I 've always been about different perspectives , and getting people to think about things from a different point of view . so that 's what I 'm speaking about - how you can talk about your extreme beliefs and still have people listen to you . It certainly doesn 't have to be politics , this could be about anything that others might find a little bit crazy . My hope is sharing my strategies will start a discussion and get others engaged . Who knows , maybe the only thing keeping you from doing that podcast or writing that blog post is figuring out how best to present it . See ? I have an entire talk lined up and all I 'm doing is taking my experiences and sharing them with you . I 'm willing to bet you have something to share too , and we want you to share it with us this November at PodcampAZ . Click RIGHT HERE and register to speak . Or , register someone else you think should be sharing their experiences in this crazy , ever - changing tech world . Guaranteed you will be around people the entire weekend who want to know more . Don 't be a chicken like me and wait five years - we want to know NOW . We are all worthy of speaking , and we all have something relevant to say . Your community is calling , and we need you ! http : / / podcampaz . org / speakers / I had planned on blogging during our vacation . Well , that didn 't work out . Now we 've been home a week , and jumped right back into the fray with back - to - school . So my plan for some elaborate " What I did on summer vacation " post is also out the window . Instead , I have decided to shorten it even more , and give a list . Two , to be exact . So , in no particular order : 5 . Running outdoors , and in lush , green places like this . 6 . Meeting online friends in person , thereby making them IRL friends . Which they were all ready , but many still need the clarification . 4 . Brooklyn . I thought of them often , even toyed with calling , but since I have no idea what they think of me I didn 't . I miss them all so much . 5 . At times , traveling with younger daughter . Between the time change and the higher energy of the NY area , we had some rough moments . Tried my best to go with the flow , but it was a challenge ! 7 . Never feeling the time change . You would think after three weeks I 'd adjust ? Nope . Up at 8 or 9am , not getting to sleep until 3am . I think the last two weeks of vacation were a dream . Over all it was a great time - though three weeks might have been a bit too long . I don 't know if I could do an entire summer like Kimber does every year ! I may love the east coast , but all my comforts are in AZ . I 've been doing Daily Challenge thing for several months now . It 's ok . Basically you get a small " challenge " to accomplish each day . The idea is each small change will lead to bigger , positive changes in your life . I 've learned a few things along the way , but it 's certainly not life changing for me . Just a fun thing to do . This one really happened to get me thinking : Connect to your community and learn one bit of trivia about your city or town . How to do it Type the name of where you live ( city or town , state / province ) and the word " history " into your Internet browser 's search engine . Then take a step back in time and learn one bit of trivia about the place you live . Why it matters As people move from place to place , they shed attachments to communities . Knowing a bit about the history of your community will increase your bonds to it and help you feel more connected to your neighbors . It may even help you feel more civically engaged the next time you decide whether or not to take the time to vote on a referendum or attend a town meeting . - - - I am pretty good about keeping up with what 's happening in Gilbert . When an election comes up , my friends are usually asking me what 's going on because they aren 't paying attention ( no , I don 't fault them for this . No one cares about politics the way that I do . I 'm an odd breed . ) . I was hoping to find something interesting in the Town 's past . Turns out the most exciting thing was " once the Hay capitol of the world . " All righty then . As for other stats listed , it 's like any affluent suburb . White , high income , family - centered and a whole lot of churches . Honestly , had I had the interest in politics in 1999 that I do now , we might not have ended up settling down here . But we are here now , and I can 't deny that I love my home and the life - long friends I 've made , and am always thankful we have the space we do to raise the kids . I definitely grew up with much less . So I 've been thinking about what I love and do not really love about Gilbert . Let 's start with what I don 't like . Lack of diMused by I 've had this pain in my left shoulder for probably two months now . I have no idea what I did , only it went beyond the normal muscle soreness I usually feel after a weight workout . I finally realized that I was the reason it wasn 't healing ; although I cut down on the amount of weight I was using , I needed to cut it out completely . It 's getting better , but it 's slow going . My friends tell me to get used to it , it 's just a casualty of aging . Screw that . So now I 've made several attempts at doing some ab work , and have had this painful pulling in the groin area . I stretch out before , but I can 't do them , it hurts too much . The first thing that went through my mind was what my friends would say . Another casualty ? Is it time to lie down and accept that my body just can 't handle it ? Screw that again . I 've recently changed my workouts and have been doing my runs before any other weight work . That could certainly be the reason for the pulling , since I feel the pulling ( though not to an extreme ) as I 'm running . So next time I 'll do my weight / ab work first again , and see if this is the answer . Women seem to fight aging by always saying they are 29 , coloring their hair , getting tummy tucks and other body altering surgeries . Pain is chalked up as " getting old " and an excuse . I say one more time , screw that . I 'm 39 , prematurely grey and have been running for a year and a half now . Besides these small injuries , I feel the best I have ever felt in my life . It 's made me proud of who I am without having to cover up . Running has restored a confidence I had lost years ago . I think it is probably the reason I finally decided to do crazy stuff like this . When you are constantly sweating it out and pushing your body to the max , everything else seems easy . Growing old gracefully ? Hell no . I 'm taking on every pain , and I will come out on top . Sweaty , bruised , and happy . 5 Years . FIVE . That 's how long PodcampAZ has been around , and how many times I 've participated . Only have 4 shirts though . My very first one was ruined in an unfortunate oil accident at Bath and Body Works . It sure smells good though . But I digress . . . Every year I talk about how great it is , and every year it just gets better and better . That 's because all the awesome people who plan this event and bring you the awesome get better and better at it too . Including this newly - redone website of awesomeness . So it 's time to mark that calendar . November 12 - 13 . UAT . I really don 't have to tell you how much I love this event . Register . Now . Go . ( This is the part where I cut and paste ) : PodCampAZ , now in its 5th year , is pretty awesome , but we need people like you to let everyone else know . We 'll have FOUR genius panels , TWO parties and ONE new feature that 's NEVER BEEN ATTEMPTED at PodCampAZ before . If you 're new , fret not . We 'll still be offering intro to podcasting , blogging , social media and any other kind of relevant media we can come up with - think everything but TV and Radio - along with a host of volunteers whose sole purpose is to teach others . New or experienced , you can help us out . Post this to your blog , Facebook notes page or in an email to all your friends . Tell them to pre - register , nominate speakers or volunteer . PodCampAZ 2011 will be held November 12 - 13 , from 9am ( ish ) to 3pm ( ish ) at the University for Advancing Technology . See you there ! PodCampAZ 2011 November 12 - 13 , University of Advancing Technology 9am to 3pm Pre - register - http : / / podcampaz . org / register / Speaker nomination - http : / / podcampaz . org / speakers / Volunteer - http : / / podcampaz . org / volunteer / UPDATE : And as a quick PS , I decided to speak at PodcampAZ this year ! Only took 5 years of gathering up the courage . Or I 've just had one cup of coffee too many today . . . 2011 seems to be turning into " The Year Of New Things " for me . It kicked off with completing my first half - marathon . The flood gates just seemed to open after that . I did a presentation on Podcasting for a room filled with Girl Scouts ( which by the way I 'm doing again for Gangplank Jr . on April 30th ! Boys can podcast too ! ) . I have never given any sort of presentation of any kind before . I shot a gun for the first time in my life , and I 'm going to be 39 at the end of the month . I also had an opportunity to test my writing wings , and get paid for it ! I want to focus on the writing experience right now , as it was a month of crossed fingers and added gray hairs ( because yeah , I need more right ? ) as I waited to see if the article would make it to print . When my extraordinary go - getter friend Sara approached me about writing for Homeland Security Today , I was a bit confused initially . I don 't write , I record . I blog occasionally . I share things on Facebook and Twitter . Write - at least 2000 words - and be paid for it ? I must be the most unqualified person for the job . After 10 minutes or so of all the negative , I calmed down . The topic was intriguing for my politically - charged mind . A comparison piece of Sheriff Joe Arpaio here in Maricopa County , and Pima County Sheriff Clarance Dupnik . For those not up on the news , Pima county is on the border , and he 's the recently outspoken Sheriff who blamed the January shootings in Tucson on right wing rhetoric . The editor wanted a piece covering both Sheriff 's background , and their policies and ideas on border security and illegal immigration . See ? I get all tingly even as I type this . What a great topic . Honestly the moment I saw the subject the angle formed in my brain . And hey - I * do * write out my podcast scripts since I research topics before recording . So why not ? What 's the worst that could happen ? So Sara introduced me to the editor and contracts were signed . Wait - interviews ? Like , interviewing both Sheriffs ? Calling up offices and arranging times ? Are they nuts ? I don 't evenMused by A couple of weeks ago I shot a gun for the first time . General curiosity really . I had never even held one before . I also sort of owed it to my podcast listeners . I go off a lot about not being the biggest fan of guns , and in the name of fairness I felt I should at least experience shooting one . I have been working on the next show in which I talk about it . Here 's a hint : not much has changed in my opinion of guns , but I have a new perspective . Tonight I went to a self - defense class offered by the Gilbert Police Department . Also curiosity , the first part was about general burglary and how to make your home safer , then on to your car , and also ID theft . The second part of the class was the physical part , where we learned several self - defense moves . It was fun really , and a way to test my strength a bit . I was thinking a little about both of these things I 've done recently , and the timing . Am I feeling threatened ? Am I scared of something ? Am I feeling weak ? My conclusion was exactly the opposite . I feel strong . I feel confident . I am pushing myself all the time when I run . I want to know what I can do , what I am capable of . What 's next ? It 's been two weeks since the half - marathon . I 've been dealing with pains on and off , but overall I 've just been feeling lazy . My workouts haven 't been as intense , and I haven 't run further than 2 or 3 miles when I have run , which has only been 3 or 4 times . My next event is Pat 's Run ( yep a year has passed all ready ! ) . The place where my addiction began . It was my very first timed run , and I did it in 50 minutes ( 11 : 57 mile average ) . This year I 'm looking at this run very differently . Last year it was " will I run 4 . 2 miles ? " This year it 's " how fast can I run it ? " You know you 've progressed when you look at a 4 mile run and it 's a warm up . ; - ) So I 've made a goal to run it in 45 minutes - or less ! That 's just under an 11 minute mile . So what 's the plan ? I really liked having a written plan for training with the half , it kept me focused and accountable . I want to have a written plan for this too , though I 'm really not sure I need one . I know how to increase my cardio . I know how to become faster . I just have to do it . My kids both want to run it . Allison I 'm not worried about at all , she can do it . It 's Sam I wonder about . 4 . 2 miles is a long way for a 10 year old . Kimber 's son wants to do it as well , so we 're going to take them to Tempe one of these days and walk the course . Sam has been running a bit - a mile run a day after school on and off . She certainly has the energy , so maybe I 'm just worried about my husband , who has no interest in running but will be the one sticking with the kids should they do it . My friend Scott is traveling here again and will take part - and he wants to run it this year too ! He walked last year and he got a bit of the " can I run it " bug himself . AND - my sister Katie is flying out as well ! So I 'm very excited for this year 's run and having even more people to share such an awesome day with ! She has all ready requested Monti 's . . . ; - ) Well , that 's done . My first 13 . 1 miles complete . What a great event , and a great day ! I didn 't go as fast as I had hoped , however I did keep it under 3 hours ( 2 : 52 ) , and that was the big thing I wanted to accomplish . It 's really quite different when you first get out there vs . how you play it out in your mind . At least the first time . The one thing that put a negative on my performance was all the waiting prior . With the curve in my lower back , standing for a long period of time really hurts . As much as I tried to keep it stretched out , by the time our corral was released I was all ready in more pain than I wanted to be . Also , I should have had a throw away bottle of water . After waiting for 30 minutes ( plus another 30 minutes before that at the bathroom line ) by the time we began running I was thirsty , so we stopped at the first water station rather than skipping it like I had hoped . Next time I need to remember to be more hydrated prior . The run itself went smoothly once everyone spread out from the starting line . I was hoping not to walk as much as I did , but with my back all ready tight from standing I needed to . My brother was there with me speed walking / jogging , and I am definitely grateful he was there because he kept me entertained . He also had the GPS keeping track of our splits . I have to get those from him , because the Competitor Wireless site that I signed up for was a complete fail to keep track of my time . It worked for the others I tracked , but for me it only told me when I passed the markers , not my split time . It didn 't even tell me when I started ! Major fail , and I also let the company know . Not all of us have the fancy gear to keep track ! At about mile 8 my entire lower half was in pain . Mile 10 was as far as both Andy and I had run before , so it was a moment to pass that marker ( we high - fived it ) . At mile 11 Andy went off to finish the race on his own . That was cool though , honestly I expected us to just be at the race together , so I 'm eternally grateful that he stayed with me through most of it . Mused by So , that 's it then . Training complete . Now I finally get to see what all the running , soreness , whining , complaining , and occasionally crying has done . I should be stepping over that start line around 9am . I feel good . Confident . I know I have the endurance , I know I have the strength . I drove the course last week so I know what I 'm in for and where exactly it goes . It 's going to be a great run , and I 'm definitely excited and not nervous . I 've said in past posts that my brother Andy is running with me . I figured it was running the race on our own , and he was going to be there at the finish line . Turns out he is literally running it with me . So I 'll have company the entire time ! Of course , he 's 6 ' 2 " and his legs are as long as half my body . I imagine he 's going to be walking a lot ! I 'm grateful to him for just wanting to hang out and support me , though just being in the race was enough . I 've got a few more thank yous as well . First and foremost to my husband . Without him , there is no way I 'd be able to take as much time as I did training . He was the first ear to hear me bitch and moan , but also the first one to ask me how my runs went . He 's more supportive than I could ever express - I just love that man ! I wish I could say that the home life will be getting back to its 1950 's stereotype soon , but since it never was that way to begin with . . . ; - ) Kimber ! If it weren 't for her , I never would have discovered my love for running in the first place . Training with her is always a lot of fun , and she pushes me to be better and go further with just her presence alone . Even though she really doesn 't like running , I know she was looking forward to tomorrow and is bummed she can 't run ( she cracked her heel just before Christmas ) . I 'm so thankful to have her as a friend , even beyond training . Tyler ! He probably doesn 't realize this , but he has also been a big inspiration to me . He contributes to the Almost Barefoot blog , among many other blogs ( just go to TDHurst . com and see all that he does ) . Reading his stories and seeing how he pMused by Yesterday I was having a downer day , and after a little self - reflection I realized something . I 'm not afraid of rejection . I 'm afraid of acceptance . Wrap your mind around that one ! Anway , I was reading a post from Be More With Less , and I liked this bit and wanted to share . * You made someone smile today . * You chose to love instead of judge . * You said a bedtime prayer with your child . * You are perfectly flawed . * You helped someone that was helpless . * You left a legacy of love . * You made soup for your family or just for you . * You see the mosaic of life 's architecture . * You took the blame because you knew the solution was more important . * You have a plan without a plan . * You didn 't care about being right . * You asked for love . * You made a decision based on fact instead of fear . * You chose to love more deeply . * You threw caution to the wind and followed your heart . * You fed someone . Initially receiving the email made me smile , then I realized I was chewing on my nails as I was reading over the Final Prep email from the Rock - n - Roll marathon . It 's like , here . I just read my first post after I took the plunge and began training , and I feel like a completely different person now . If you want to learn a few things about who you are , then I suggest training for something . You have no choice but to face some demons , if you 're committed to your goal . The thing that stands out for me is that I haven 't been training to run faster , but to slow down . How weird is that ? What 's more strange is in slowing down , I 've become faster , and stronger . There is truth in the saying " don 't sweat the small stuff " . Though I did plenty of sweating anyway ! Time shouldn 't be on my mind , but it is . When I first registered , without knowing how fast I could run 13 . 1 miles , I estimated my completion time at 3 hours . I can now say with confidence that it will not take me 3 hours to run this . Perhaps close , but I 'm really shooting for a 12 min . mile average . All the training leads up to pushing it at the race , right ? It 's why I 've been training for 4 months - to learn to pace myself so I can push through . I have to say I 'm excited to see the results of all the work ! Another thing I was nervous about was the weather . I don 't run early in the mornings , so I haven 't dealt with really cold temps . Running with my sister and brother while in Massachusetts helped with that - 25 degrees ! It wasn 't nearly as bad as I thought it would be , and gave me a good idea of how to dress on race day . I doubt I will layer any clothes on at all . It might be chilly at the beginning , but by the end I 'll be glad I don 't have a jacket around my waist . Speaking of running last week , being on vacation I didn 't do any official training . I ran twice with my sister , and hurt my ankle a bit while running up a hill . Not used to hills AT ALL , apparently . It was a little sore the next day , but fine now . So , I 'm considering that a tapering week , and will get one moreMused by I am also the midday announcer with kwss 93 . 9 out of Phoenix , AZ . I am a voice actor , as well as read for podiobooks and short - story readings for other podcasts . Have also been on the planning committee for PodcampAZ , and lead the TechPhx conference for three years .
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I 've mentioned it before I know but , I really love coats and like having nice , interesting ones . It probably has to do with the goofy looking ones I had to wear as a kid that were often worn out hand me downs . Although I can really dress well I don 't own all that many clothes but , I bet I own 10 coats / jackets . One time I really found out the difference dressing well makes in how people treat you was a Saturday I went with my children to get our picture made . While dressed for the picture one of the stops we made was at a grocery store . From the moment we got out of the car and a manager sent a kid to look for one of the play - car type buggies for the baby to the deli worker who stopped and gave us samples of cheese slices we were treated well because we looked like we deserved it I guess . I personally know someone who robbed a train at gunpoint . He made off with a worthless bag of mail and was promptly arrested and spent if I remember correctly 15 years in prison owing to the federal nature of the crime . I bought the first truck I ever owned from that man , a 1951 Chevrolet . Some people I know recently went to Jamaica where they were robbed and he was actually stabbed several times . The local police refused to even take a report and told them they must have ventured where they were told to not go and when they returned to the cruise ship and reported what happened and sought treatment they were placed under quarantine for 48 hours for a suspected virus and told if they violated it they would be put off at the next port . It would be interesting once to try making something out of ceramic ( whatever that is called ) . Outside by Staind and Ugly by The Exies are two of my favorite songs . Look them up on the youtubes if your not familiar and you 'll have two new songs to appreciate and think you know all kinds of things about my psychology . If you were my girlfriend I might sing It 's Been Awhile by Staind to you . When I was in college I received the first A my professor ever gave in her class after teaching for over 20 years . I knPosted by Ed Gein was a serial killer in the 1950s who was the model for others , subject of many documentaries , served as the basis for untold numbers of horror movies ( Silence Of The Lambs is one ) , the inspiration for musical group and band member names and was just all around good old fashioned nightmare fuel . As a kid I worked myself into many nights of lost sleep by reading true crime books about him and other American monsters . Here 's a list of items found in and around his house the night he was arrested . Human skulls mounted upon the cornerposts of his bed ; Human skin fashioned into a lampshade and used to upholster chair seats ; Human skullcaps , apparently in use as soup bowls ; A human heart ( it is disputed where the heart was found ; the deputies ' reports all claim that the heart was in a saucepan on the stove , with some crime scene photographers claiming it was in a paper bag ) ; The head of Mary Hogan , a local tavern owner , found in a paper bag ; A ceiling light pull consisting of human lips ; A " mammary vest " crafted from the skin of a woman 's torso ; A belt made from several human nipples , among many other such grisly objects ; Socks made from human flesh . . The following is an account related to his case I had never heard before today . " Harold Schechter , an author of several true crime books , wrote a best - selling book about the Gein case called Devian . In this book , Schechter mentions that Plainfield police officer Art Schley physically assaulted Gein during questioning by banging Gein 's head and face into a brick wall ; because of this , Gein 's initial confession was ruled inadmissible . Schley died of a heart attack at the age of 43 shortly before Gein 's trial . Many who knew him said he was so traumatized by the horror of Gein 's crimes and the fear of having to testify ( notably about assaulting Gein ) that it led to his early death . One of his friends said , " He was a victim of Ed Gein as surely as if he had butchered him . " Gein died July 26 , 1984 in a mental hospital . Picture and adapted text from Wikipedia At a funeral I think one of the more important components that is often forgotten is the deceased should they come back to life during the service should be able to recognize who they are talking about . I think it would be good for all involved if there were shovels provided and at the end of the graveside service the family closed the grave completely . Instead , the dirt is covered by a velvet tarp and the hole in the ground has Astro turf mounded up around it to ostensibly blend in with the grass . Ridiculous , we try to fool ourselves to ease the pain when the best thing for the same pain would be to face it and act realistically . At a funeral it 's mandatory : to have a young guy in a wheelchair , some lone skulled out thug wearing jeans and earrings , some lady that looks like a movie star , some lady no one seems to know who takes things way too hard , at least one hard core alcoholic staggering around with glowing eyes who reeks of his beverage of choice to fortify himself for the service , a community leader or famous person you 'd never guessed the person would have known . . . Who else ? Why or how does an after funeral visit become a contest to see who knew the person better ? It 's good to allow folks to randomly stand and share memories of the dead . The folks in the background could leave out the Thank ya Jeebus ' when they do in my book - but , it 's all good I guess . One of my friends who happens to be very smart I always thought shocked me once many years ago by saying to the effect , " I could never be cremated , I 'm afraid of fire . " I honestly do not recall what I said at the time though I know I would have found it strange - your dead at that point my guess is you couldn 't care less what happens . Oddly , her wishes are to now be cremated . I 've never asked her about that about face . Over a third of Americans are cremated every year I read the other day - very surprising I thought . An old friend after having her husband cremated took a small ceramic curio box about the size of two large matchboxes to the funeral director for the ashes Posted by It 's cool to see comments here . Thought today again about the fact I have no favorite color . In the past it 's made me feel so weird I 've tried to adopt one and claim it when asked - then I feel like a low down liar . I 'm the only person I know who has no favorite color . When I was kid we were so poor - how poor were we you ask ? My favorite toy was a Ziploc bag of dirt . I wish I were kidding . I was reminded of a funny story last night about the time I was in the hospital . A homosexual patient care technician molested me by rubbing my genitals when he helped put those anti clot trousers on my legs when I came out of recovery from surgery . No , I know that 's really not funny but , I learned a lot from that experience and peoples reaction to my telling of it . I was as close to death as a person could be so in the scale of things as wrong as it may have been it was hard to get too worked up over it at the time . I went to college with 2 sets of twins one stands out in my mind because one of them was a total plate head of a power lifter the other a total biology club geek . They must have both worked since birth to be so totally different . Oddly , I was friends with both and worked out with the jock . The other set was known for going to class for the other and dressing as the other and going out with each others new girlfriends . Something tells me in the real world that one isn 't as cute as they can make it in romantic comedies and is in fact probably pretty creepy . Received an email : Doont be aganist gelatnig pleasure use Viagr Proo ! I don 't know why anyone would be reluctant to supply credit card information and receive medical advice from such an obviously reputable source . I saw a girl the other day who I used to work with I had not seen in years . She asked who I was to make sure then reminded me of who she was . I never would have recognized her , she was very hard looking and must have gained 200 pounds since I last saw her whereas the last time we were around each she was actually a young looking for her age cutey , very pretty , briPosted by Story behind Lynrd Skynrds plane crash . " The legendary Southern rockers had just released their 1977 album , Street Survivors , when they chartered a plane to take them from Greenville , South Carolina to Baton Rouge , Louisiana . Engine problems caused the plane to run out of gas and crash into a wooded swamp in Gillsburg , Mississippi . Frontman Ronnie Van Zant , guitarist Steve Gaines and vocalist Cassie Gaines were all killed , and most of the rest of the bandmembers were seriously injured . Rumors that Van Zant had been decapitated in the crash by a Betamax video player persist today despite copious evidence to the contrary . Immediately following the crash , drummer Artimus Pyle ran nearly a mile with broken ribs to get help from a nearby farmhouse , but the farmer freaked at the sight of the bloodied drummer and shot him in the shoulder with a shotgun , further injuring him but sparing his life . " Blender . com Had Christmas at our house this year . I killed with grilled steaks and smoked ham . The Christmas lights went up without a hitch - yesterdayI lost my brother in laws present . I have no answer for where it was other than just misplaced from I thought it to be . When I told him I don 't think he believed me but , now I think were good . Corn - what an abomination . Chicken Express yeast rolls are one of natures most perfect foods . I got a very nice coat and a good pair of gloves along with a nice winter beanie . Oh , almost forgot the really good quality socks . I think I was being outfitted for homelessness . My mind may be changed with other games and a better television but , I was disappointed in the Wii Sports on the Wii my children received . Oh man my kids great grandfather is back in the hospital . The stroke he had was a bleed type . Hope is gone for him in this life . If we lived every year and spent every gathering like it was our last we might find ourselves wishing for one more less often . Young women ( way too young ) have a habit of firting with me and I don 't know why . My bald head gets rubbed a lot and I get told I Look pretty good for an old guy etc . More than one woman I 've been around has said something to the effect , " If that chick touches you one more time I 'm slapping the . . . " My neighbor died the day before Christmas Eve . It wasn 't actually true I know but , when I went to the car for something yesterday evening the world seemed colder and darker when I thought of him . I can be as hard headed as any man about my health but , I promise if I ever start having chest pain to immediately take an aspirin and call the doctor or go to the emergency room . I have never made a New Years resolution . My niece told her husband she was bringing Pumpkin Tarts for the dinner he got Pumpkin Sours stuck in his mind and could not figure out what on earth that could be and why anyone would eat same and at first cringed when he saw people reaching for one . Smoked ham , broccoli and cheese cassarole , candied yams and yeast rolls with green tea - it 's Posted by " An intellectual was eating dinner with his father . On the table was a large lettuce with many succulent shoots . The intellectual suggested : " Father , you eat the children ; I 'll take mother . " This is from a collection of 200 + jokes written in Greek about AD 400 . It was compiled by Hierokles and Philagrios of whom very little is known . Supposedly the key to getting this joke is to understand lettuce was considered a powerful aphrodisiac in the times . I still don 't get it . Accidentally rediscovered two bands I really like this afternoon and when I look at how different they are I realize I am schizophrenic . The first was Mad Season formed by members of Alice In Chains , Pearl Jam and Screaming Trees ( who I also like A lot ) 2 of the 4 guys who founded Mad Season ODd on Heroin . Layne Staley was the lead singer . " When police kicked in the door to Layne Staley 's University District apartment on April 20 , there , on a couch , lit by a flickering TV , next to several spray - paint cans on the floor , not far from a small stash of cocaine , near two crack pipes on the coffee table , reposed the remains of the rock musician . " The article also stated that the 6 ' 1 " Staley weighed 86 pounds when his body was discovered . The autopsy report later concluded that Staley died after injecting a mixture of heroin and cocaine known as a " speedball " . " The Dresden Dolls are a duo formed in Boston by Amanda Palmer and Brian Viglione . they remind me a bit of groups like Berlin from the 80s . " The two describe their style as " Brechtian punk cabaret " , a phrase invented by Palmer because she was " terrified " that the press would invent a name that " would involve the word gothic . " The band 's first name was Out of Arms . At some point , the name became The Dresden Dolls . The name , according to Palmer , was " inspired by a combination of things , " including the firebombing of Dresden , Germany and the porcelain dolls which were a hallmark of pre - war Dresden industry ; an early song of the same name by The Fall ; and a reference to the V . C . Andrews novel Flowers in the Attic where the classically blond and blue - eyed protagonists are called " the Dresden dolls . " The name also evokes Weimar Germany and its cabaret culture . Additionally , she " liked the parallel between Dresden ( destruction ) and Dolls ( innocence , delicacy ) , because it is very much in keeping with the dynamics of the music , which sometimes goes from a childlike whisper to a banshee scream within a few seconds . " wikipedia So sad - you could not ask for a better neighbor . He was funny , helpful and generous to a fault . Good guy , I thoroughly enjoyed visiting with him . I 've never personally seen anyone who worked as hard as he did spend so much time with his family . I don 't know how many times I 've seen him go straight to the pool or play ball with his son right after working all day . Crash ends local man 's lifeDanie M . Huffmanwdreporter2 @ yahoo . comTraffic was slowed for hours on North Main Street when a man died in a crash near the railroad tracks at the intersection of North Main and Front streets . Weatherford Police Officer and Accident Investigator Eric Warren said the man was traveling near the railroad tracks in a white Ford pickup and crashed into a telephone pole on the west side of the roadway . He was pronounced dead on scene by a Tarrant County Medical Examiner . Police said the man appeared to be in his 40s . His name is being withheld until he is positively identified and his family has been notified . A train added to a traffic halt , which was diverted for hours . A Weatherford Electric crew repaired transformer connector wires which were downed and damaged due to the crash . Numerous emergency personnel from the Tarrant County Medical Examiner 's Office , Weatherford Police , Weatherford Fire , LifeCare and a wrecker service remained on scene until after 8 a . m . investigating the accident , sorting out reports and clearing debris . Warren said it is unknown if the crash was due to a medical problem , but he added alcohol and drugs were not suspected as a contributing factor in the wreck . I love the new single serve Kraft Macaroni and Cheese . Yes I said love - I would marry them if it were legal . My next thought was going to be I would eat them every day if that wouldn 't be bad for me then I realized nothing that good can be bad . The only reason I ever tried the show Arrested Development was hearing so many comics and other sitcoms reference it by comparing people to the show - " Don 't worry you 'll find someone , you 're just like Arrested Development - you take off kind of slow and a little hard to know how to take at first but , after people get to know you you 're really smart and funny . . . " Just noticed mac and cheese shows up as a stored label in my tag bar , I must have talked about it before . I told you I love the stuff . I had a girlfriend once who was strikingly pretty with a little makeup on but , nearly gruesome looking without . I had another girlfriend who was also very pretty as long she went without makeup but , if she got painted up a bit - yikes . Another celebrity it kind of bothers me to think of : Steve Irwin , man that was sad . The only time rays attack is when something comes over it ( it stays low mostly so any threat will be from above ) he had to know better . Or was the problem he should have known better ? A cute flashback I had today : one of my nephews mom had to look for something in his backpack one day and when she picked it up cash came cascading out of it - it looked like he had robbed a bank ( as I recall there was 88 dollars in this 3 - 4th graders backpack ) . She asked where it came from , " My lunch money . " came the sullen answer . " What have you been doing for lunch ? " came the angry reply . " Eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and drinking a milk with the poor kids . " he answered . I really bothers me when characters in movies act out of character for the real people they are portraying especially in forums I 'm familiar with - having a soldier do something a soldier would never do or a medical person mispronounce something . I know of 2 different cases where the subject of a medically oriented tv Posted by Liberals love Jon Stewarts show and conservatives love Stephen Colbert 's when there 's not a nickels worth of difference between the two politically - they 're both liberal / libertarian - esqe shills although , Stewarts show seems a little more well produced and I find it generally funnier . Cigarette smoking . How people can live to adulthood and say , " _____ could never happen to me ! " People getting tattoos for the fads sake ( esp . barbed wire , thorn vines and tribals ) People literally killing each other bum rushing a Walmart to buy a bunch of junk they don 't need with money they don 't have regardless of what a deal they 're getting . Folks living in a thirty thousand dollar shack with a hundred thousand dollars plus worth of new cars out front . I stopped once in August to help an extremely fat woman on the side of the road with car trouble . She had two children with her and told me she 'd been standing there for 2 hours , all three looked like they were about to have a heat stroke . I got their car fixed . She cried . A couple of days later two extremely pretty women were broke down within two miles of the same place . I happened to stop within a few minutes of their breakdown . I looked under the hood and saw a broken hose . I called home to let them know I 'd be a little late and before I could get back from my car with a knife to cut it down to good hose two different vehicles containing males stopped and started jockeying for their attention and trying to figure out was wrong with the car . One genius said , " I bet it 's the battery ! " while getting in the hotter ones face and while oddly , I thought trying to stand between me and her . I left it to them . People who can believe whatever they want to believe in spite of evidence to the contrary . When people get up in arms over plans to kill animals due to overpopulation that is hurting their own species and endangering humans . Hundreds of people are killed every year by misadventures with animals on the roads alone and billions of dollars of damage is caused . I think they have a vision of these Posted by When people have been in the US long enough to have lost most of their accent it comes back if you get them laughing and and on a roll conversationally . I talked to a lady the other day from Ireland who has been here for nearly 40 years but , you would never know when you first meet her she hadn 't lived here all her life . By the time we parted ways she sounded like a Leprechaun . As a hospice nurse I 've been the only person present at the time of too many peoples deaths . No family , no friends . My last patient had only a velour pantsuit , a paperback Bible and a picture of a long forgotten family to her name at the time of her death . Seemed sad but , really it wouldn 't have made a difference if the closet to that dingy inner city nursing home she died in was full of gold bars . She 's dead . I had French Onion soup for breakfast . It 's funny to me how it has become associated with tony , high class foods . Nothing I think would scream peasant to people a couple of hundred years ago like eating onion soup . It 's a boiled onion . Freedom soup ? My 17 month old said , " Thanks " when I handed him a breakfast bar this morning . Had dinner at a place last night for probably the 100th time . It was the first time though I realized the name translates into Two Big Peppers in English . My childrens great grandfather had a stroke recently . God , it was sad to see him that way . He was a Navy Diver during WWII and just always the epitome of tough and vibrant throughout his life . At age 75 I remember him cutting his thumb severely when installing a window while remodeling his house . His wife fussed at him to go to the hospital and get it sewed up - it was pretty bad . His response ? " If I go to the hospital and let them put stitches in this thing it will be sore for a week and I 'll never get finished with this project ! " He wrapped it in electrical tape and drove on . Does it matter at all how people remember us ? Is that the only thing that matters ? Been staying in motels often lately and have been spending way too much time watching television - some thoughts : there has been an explosion of " Judge ______ " shows since I 've last watched tv , I landed on one , changed the channel in disgust landing on another - this happened 4 times including a Spanish language show . Good grief . Still love Jerry Springer , mostly because he 's honest about his scumbagality . Maury Povich had an episode titled DNA tests prove who the baby daddy is ( or something similar ) - the same basic concept as the first I watched years ago and also a couple of weeks ago . There 's a show Prison Break where the plot is basically : a young man convinced of his brothers innocence of a crime he was imprisoned for sets about freeing him by getting himself jailed so they can break out - it 's entering its fourth season . With friends and family like that . . . The Cash Cab out of New York City show on The Discovery Channel is pretty cool . I watched two full episodes , I only missed two questions and one Video Challenge . There is a whole lot of air time wasted on ridiculous shows purporting to be scientifically oriented where they look for ghosts and also communicate with the dead . Ridiculous . Every movie on Lifetime still seems to end with some poor goob being sewed into the sheets , soaked with the gasoline then a match cascading toward the bed . . . If it says Stormchaser somewhere in the title - I 'm down . I 've known people personally from episodes of Cops ( good guys and bad ) Channel 13 should still be PBS wherever I am . Don 't know why it meant so much but , it was interesting to watch WGBH actually in Boston when I was there a few years ago . I love 30 Rock . I don 't do anything to try to keep up with celebrity gossip , don 't care when they die and don 't really have any favorite celebrities even but , every time I see or hear anything about Heath Ledger I stop dead in my tracks and feel sad , don 't know why - there are plenty of died way too young people to go around in Hollywood . People will believe anything if its presented well enouPosted by While placing my empty printer cartridge in the recycling envelope I noticed instruction # 1 ) Place 1 or 2 empty HP inkjet cartridge ( s ) in this envelope without additional packaging , materials or notes . It 's annoying sometimes to live in a world that requires that kind of instruction . Nearly everytime I go to into my children 's bath after my son showers for school there 's an empty Dr Pepper can on the side of the tub . Part of me says I raised him right something else tells me I 've failed him . He 'll be ok . I swear , the spaces between these thoughts comes randomly sometimes and if I go back and try to edit , it won 't take and goes right back like it was when I publish . The Christmas tree is up and for I guess the 35th time ( or whenever I saw it last ) seeing it reminded me of the silver tinsel tree we had as a child that had a multi colored wheel that faced it and spun around by an electric motor casting red , blue orange and green ? colors over that tacky tree . I can still hear it humming if I close my eyes . It malfunctioned and caught on fire once , no one was home - it 's a wonder it didn 't burn that old house down . Mom loved Christmas , I 'd give anything if she had one more with us . When we were little some Christmas ' dad would take us out to see the Kings family lights on Christmas eve while mom would stay at home and pretend she was going to bed to be ready for the big day . She would put all our presents out - some of which were stored at neighbors . We 'd come home and the bottom of the tree would be overflowing . We still have a picture of my sister running for her presents - she is just a blur . The best part of the Kings lights was Santa fishing from a boat in the lake . Headline from my news browser : Panda in China Zoo bites student who wanted a hug . Some things just make you go $ % ^&*#@ ! I wonder what part of that person did not understand the word Bear ? And why would it ever occur to anyone to want to hug a wild animal of any type ? I don 't know which is scarier - the fact that the movie Kung Fu Panda probably had something to do with another humans perception of a large , powerful , fanged animal or the fact we can be so predictably stupid I can can sit here rocking back and forth and give myself a 90 % of being correct with such a goofy , off the cuff prediction . Just saw a blurb about Americas Most Wanted is responsible for the capture of 1000 + fugitives . The first show they did profiled a guy who owned the pizza place near where I went to college ( Johns Pizza ? ) . Immediately after the show a girl I knew went into the place and saw the guy and said , " Wow , this is weird , what a coincidence - I just watched this show called Americas Most Wanted and they did a story about a guy who had tattoos just like yours . " He got a scared look on his face and ducked out the back . His body was found the next day , he had killed himself in a state park nearby . He made a good pizza . My spellchecker hi lights Kung Fu . A low power TV station in Cincinnati has changed its call letters to WKRP to promote its change to digital format due to widespread recognition of the old show . I would have assumed someone would have picked that up a long time ago . Everyone in their market and anyone who visits will check it out - pretty smart . I 'll assume they get the joke to acronym of the last 3 letters . Hulu . com has WKRP in Cincinnati episodes . Jim Abbott " In 1989 , Abbott joined the California Angels ' starting rotation as a rookie without playing a single minor league game . That season , he posted a 12 - 12 record with an ERA of 3 . 92 . His 12 wins in his first professional season were the most since Mark Fidrych won 19 for the Detroit Tigers in 1976 , and he finished fifth in the year 's Rookie of the Year voting . In 1991 , Abbott won 18 games with the Angels while posting an ERA of 2 . 89 , finishing third in the American League Cy Young Award voting . In 1992 season , he posted a 2 . 77 ERA , but his win - loss record fell to 7 - 15 for the sixth - place Angels . No player since 1917 started at least 20 games , had an ERA under 3 . 00 , and had a worse winning percentage . Abbott was also won the Tony Conigliaro Award in 1992 . On September 4 , 1993 while pitching for the New York Yankees , Abbott pitched a no - hitter against the Cleveland Indians . In 1994 , Abbott 's Yankees led the American League East , but the 1994 Major League Baseball strike ended the season on August 12 , 1994 . The following year , after starting the season with the Chicago White Sox , he returned to the California Angels , who held a 11 game lead over the Seattle Mariners in August , but lost the American League West in a one - game playoff to the Mariners . When preparing to pitch the ball , Abbott would rest a right - handed thrower 's glove on the end of his right forearm . After releasing the ball , he would quickly slip his hand into the glove , usually in time to field any balls that a two - handed pitcher would be able to field . Then he would remove the glove by securing it between his right forearm and torso , slip his hand out of the glove , and remove the ball from the glove , usually in time to throw out the runner , and sometimes even starting double plays . During international play , Cuba once decided to repeatedly bunt against him , hoping that he wouldn 't be able to manage , which proved to be an unsuccessful strategy . " - WikipediaStrange habit you say ? Oh , imagine my embarrassment , I forgot to mention he was born without a rPosted by Few things in this world get on my nerves like anime ' cartoons . This is so true that when I realised Speed Racer was anime ' I considered hating it for a minute . I couldn 't hate Speed Racer . It seems like the guys who like anime ' tend to like it a lot and also have a thing for samurai swords and Japanese women . I knew a guy who was in to all of that and married a woman from Japan . She was way out of his league and I bet has wished for a do - over more than once . There is a type of autism that one of the components is an obsessive fascination with another culture . It also often involves a fascination with things like public transportation . I knew a guy once from a job I had who would travel to Europe to ride the trains of different countries . This wasn 't to see the world by rail - it was to gather information about which system was the best to return to the US and try to kill coworkers by sheer boredom from stories about the superiority of Belgium 's schedules over Luxembourg 's . I 've heard people finally resorted to just raising a hand up in front of his face anytime he got near and saying , " I don 't care anything about the train service in Lichtenstein and I don 't want to hear any retarded stories about it ! " My thoughts regarding drilling here in the states got challenged a bit when a rig went up within 700 meters of my home . I was really tolerant of the noise , light pollution and the mud on the roads , what got me was the nearly new 700 . 00 $ washing machine ruined by sediments kicked up in the well which my family now can 't drink from . My neighbor had to replace a dishwasher and everyones water quality and pressure was affected around me . My ISP also had to replace my rooftop unit that picks up my internet signals because the oil company put a telemetry unit on that site that knocked my download speeds down to 1992 levels . It 's official : I Hate Big Oil - whatever that is . I saw a video the other day done by a news crew in either NZ or Australia - I don 't recall where they had a guy who had won the lottery scratch a ticket off toPosted by
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Today was my first day of Kindergarten . I spent from 10 : 00am - 2 : 45 pm in the Kindergarten class that I will be assigned to this year . I was so nervous last night and this morning . My mentor teacher is very nice and it was a pleasure to finally be working with kids . I also felt so close to Cole all day , because I knew 30 miles away in his own school , he was doing much of the same things . The elementary school that I 'm at is beautiful and clean . The classroom sizes are great , as well as the design of the school . It is easy to find your way around campus . I love my class . The kids were all eager to meet a new face . They kept coming up to me for hugs , wanted me to help them with tasks , and kept telling me I 'm " pretty " . Yeah , I think I picked the right grade , they are all so sweet at that age . I jumped right in and helped my teacher , I helped the kids , kept them on tasks and read a story to the class . There are two boys that are special education and one learning disabled boy . The boy that is autistic has an aide that is with him most of the day . The other one has aspergers . He hasn 't been fully diagnosed yet , so he doesn 't have an aide . He is smart , but very disruptive . He has difficulty following directions and angers easily . He had several outbursts directed at the teacher and the special education aide assisting the autistic child . I spent the majority of my day helping him . He was very sweet to me , even at times clinging to my legs . My teacher thanked me profusely for attending to him throughout the day . I 'm so exhausted from being on my feet in dress shoes ( YUCK ) and bending and squatting throughout the day ( not to mention kickball at recess ) but I loved every minute my day . I 'm am again so very thankful that I have a wonderful healthy child . There are a total of 16 special education kids in the Kindergarten group and as the year gets started many more will be diagnosed with other learning problems . It 's sad to know that these sweet kids will struggle with this difficulties throughout their lives . Cole 's second dPosted by Today was Cole 's first day of school . We both had great hopes . However , he started coughing and having congestion this weekend . At 4 : 00 am I woke up vomiting . Every time I got up to be sick , he got up because he wasn 't sleeping well due to his cough . In between running to the bathroom I got him dressed and made his lunch . We waiting on the front porch for the bus to arrive . For the little ones the put an picture of an animal on the outside of the bus , so they don 't have to remember a number . The bus pulls up and there was the name of the animal but not a picture , it turns out that he bus was out of order so this was a temporary bus . He eagerly jumped aboard . I followed the bus to school and at the lights Cole was smiling and waving his feet dancing around in anticipation . The traffic at school was crazy , once I got inside the building I found Cole who was looking lost and confused trying to find his classroom . Once inside he excitedly chatted up his teacher . Off I went to work . About 10 : 00am I got a call that he had hit his head on a tree and cried and threw up . So they sent home . I had to call his doctor to get a note to take to school stating that it is normal for him to throw up . He was still feeling sick later on and I had to take him to the doctor anyway . I hope tomorrow is a better day for the both of us . Friday morning is a big day for Cole . It is his last day at the daycare he has been at since he was six weeks old . It 's literally his home away from home . We have been lucky because as far as daycares go , they have fairly low turnover . He has two teachers that he is very close to . One , Ms . Lydia was his teacher from that very first day . In fact , Cole says that he is marrying her and me when he gets big . The other , Ms . Margaret is his current teacher . She has also been there for the past five years . He made cards and gifts for his favorite teachers ( including the lunch lady ) and is bringing cupcakes for his class . I wanted to make something for the staff but due to starting back to school myself today , opted to send fresh baked cookies instead . I made a big step myself today . I let him go on the end of summer field trip to Six Flags in San Antonio . I had planned on going myself , but they picked the day that I was scheduled to go back to school , so I couldn 't go . I debated about letting him go . Sending my five year old on a bus for a two - hour ride to a San Antonio amusement park was a big deal for me . Ms . Margaret assured me she would be personally in charge of Cole and gave me her cell number and said I could call anytime - I didn 't by the way . They came back at 6 : 15 pm all tanned and happy . She was impressed with all the roller coasters he wanted to ride and they had a blast at the water park . She had Cole and his friend Avery ( who is also five and been there since she was six - weeks old ) all to herself during the day and they were well behaved . While I was waiting for his bus to arrive tonight , his Kindergarten teacher called to introduce herself . We have an open house Friday night after work and he is excited to meet her and to be able to tour the school again . School starts on Monday morning . Cole will be riding the bus and I will follow along in my car for the first day to make sure he knows the routine . After school he will be attending on campus extended care . Such exciting times ! Next week , I 'm goingPosted by There is only one reason I miss having a man around and no it isn 't what you are thinking . Get your mind out of the gutter : - ) It 's taking care of little things on the car . Not routine oil changes and such , I 've always taken care of that stuff . But the annoying things like scraping car tags off the windshield , replacing wipers , plates and bulbs . I don 't have much patience for doing these tasks . In a relationship I think if I 'm washing his dirty underwear and all , it is only fair that they help with these tasks . Asking too much . . . apparently so . This morning when I turned on my left turn signal it started clicking double time . I was pretty sure this meant that my turn signal was out , which was correct . At lunch I ran to a auto part store and picked out the correct bulb . I headed back to work and using my car manual removed the plastic casing and the carpet to get tail light . Sweating in the 100 degree heat and humidity I tried to determine what I needed to remove next . A male co - worker then came to help me . Working together we had it replaced in less than five minutes . So I guess men are good for some things . Just kidding , actually I 've realized in last few months my hard man - hating outer shell has been cracking . It 's time to harden it back up . I just need to think about how it has been since April ( Cole 's b - day ) since his dad contacted him and I can fill in those man - hating cracks . See I 'm starting to feel all bitter , I mean better again . SMILE As I mentioned previously I decided to speak at my grandpa 's funeral . The night before his service some ugly family stuff happened and I had cried a lot and not slept much the night before . I looked and felt like death warmed over and briefly considered not speaking . But , my grandfather meant the world to me , so I decided to speak . Part of what I spoke about I 'd previously written in my blog about him . So tears in my swollen and puffy eyes , my hands shaking , my eyes averted from him coffin , and Cole 's hand in mine , I walked to the podium . Here is what I said : " As grandpa 's favorite grand - daughter , a fact that I 'm sure has nothing to do with the fact that I 'm the only one , I like to say a few words about my grandpa . He was always very special to me . In fact I named my son after him he meant so much . He was a remarkable man . He came from a poor family that was filled with alcoholism and abuse . He even spent several years in an orphanage . He didn 't let his sad upbringing hinder him or define who he was . He was a very hard worker , intelligent , and quick witted . He was unfailingly kind and always the perfect gentleman . He was amazingly artistic and always humble about his abilities . He could draw , paint and carve amazing things . Most of my most cherished memories involve sitting around watching him carve . His calloused hands would move gracefully around the block of wood and the curled wood chips would fly and out would come some amazing character or animal . The harshest words we ever heard him utter were " Robertson you turd " and " Well , Kiss old Rose . " We would always ask , " Grandpa who is old Rose ? " So Grandpa give old Rose one last kiss for us . " So while my brother and cousins were given wedding rings and trinkets to remember my grandpa , I will remember him my way . I 'm proud to have spoken about him in front of his cherished friends and family and he will always be in my heart and I will think of him every day as I look at Cole Robert . We are back from Phoenix . Being with your entire family especially under tense circumstances is especially stressful . Suffice to say there was plenty of family drama and some very painful moments . Cole did well at the funeral . My grandpa 's casket was open both during the viewing and for the funeral . My uncle ( my mom 's brother ) didn 't want to attend the viewing so he stayed home with his two kids and Cole , but everyone attended the funeral . Cole wanted to go up close to see my grandpa , but I told him that he didn 't look like the great - Papa he remembered , so he chose not to . He did go up and look at his pictures and his carvings . I spoke at my grandpa 's service and he bravely held my hand to go up with me in front of all those people . He was a little afraid to go to the cemetery but it was broad daylight and there were no gravestones , just grave plaques . He was wondered around asking me to read the names to him . He found one with the last name " COLE " and wanted to know why one had his name ! Cole had such a good time with his cousins ; I was jokingly saying I was going to have to buy him a brother because they kept him occupied for hours . We did have time to see my dad 's side of the family . The youngest of my Aunt 's kids is a freshman in high school and very sweet to Cole . Cole loved him . He is on the football team and we went out one night to watch his practice . Cole kept giving him " high fives " and hugs . In between family obligations we had plenty of time to swim daily which was nice because the average temperature was 115 . The last day we went to the Phoenix Zoo with my mom to escape and get some alone time . We had only been there for about 45 minutes when there was a " CODE RED LOCKDOWN " . We were hustled into a ticket booth for almost two hours . It seems two Mexican Wolves had breeched their enclosure and had to be recaptured , so much for a drama free day . The biggest surprise of the entire weekend was my mom 's boss and her husband flying in to provide support for my mom . My mom has known Posted by My grandfather passed away yesterday morning . At least he is no longer suffering . I 'm sad but also relieved . My dad , my brother and Cole and I flew into Phoenix today . It was so strange being at my grandparents house without him there . No one would sit in his chair . It just sat there empty while we all sat in our usual spots . Tomorrow we are seeing some of our family . Both my parents are from Phoenix so we have some visiting and catching up to do , sad that it has to be under these conditions . My grandpa 's viewing is on Sunday and the funeral is on Monday . We will be heading back home on Wednesday . Cole is still blissfully unaware of the sadness and is mostly just looking forward to seeing his cousins . My thoughts have been filled this week with the mental images of my dying grandfather . My mom says he writhes in pain and the morphine doesn 't always help . He is emaciated and not able to make intelligible words . I can 't help but think how unfair it is that we can help end an animal 's suffering but we can extend the same courtesy to our loved ones ( at least not legally ) . Killers on death row are given a more peaceful end to their lives than our elderly and sick loved ones . Almost every day our kind doctors and staff help clients make educated decisions about euthanasia and quality of life . We allow owners to be there for their pet up until the very end . They pass away in moments , just slowly going to sleep . The decision is agonizing for owners but one of the most loving decisions the owner will ever make . My grandfather is unable to swallow and was put into hospice on Saturday . He is slowly and painfully dying of starvation and dehydration . It was the right decision to not place a permanent feeding tube . Both times they placed a nasal feeding tube he struggled , was in pain and he ripped it out . However , the decision doesn 't make the death any easier . My greatest wish for all the people I love in my love is a quick and painless death . I 'm in awe of the courage and patience my mom has shown the last few weeks , especially with dealing with my Grandma ( I 'm not even going to touch that subject ) . My uncle flew in today for a few hours to say goodbye . At least I 'm comforted somewhat by the thought that when I see him again he will finally be at peace . This weekend Leah , Cole , and I went to a rodeo in Bastrop , Texas . You drive 30 minutes outside of Austin and suddenly you are surrounded by country folk . Picture what you think a redneck looks like and we saw fifty of them . Leah was afraid if we stayed any longer she was going to get pregnant , because every where you looked there was a pregnant woman . All kidding aside we had a good time . A co - worker lives in Bastrop and we met her there . We even got to use the " back gate " which is where the rodeo contestants ? athletes ? cowboys ? ? ? enter . She knew half the people at the rodeo and we got to hear about all their goings - on . . . . note to self don 't live in a small town . We watched the rodeo and then headed over to the carnival . Cole rode the rides while Leah and I just people watched . Then we headed over to the dance . Cole and I danced several songs and then Cole took to the dance floor alone . He did splits , played the electric guitar ( apparently guitar strings are around your collar bone ) , and did some break dancing . Then the real fun started . The band took a break and they started playing some hip - hop music . The teenaged country folk came streaming out of the woodwork . They were a bumpin ' and a grindin ' and dry humping on the dance floor . It seems the grinding move is VERY popular and I 'm impressed with how well they can move in those tight starched jeans . Leah and I watched in amazement . We felt OLD , OLD , OLD and kinda dirty for watching ! We know we never did that type of dancing when we were that age ( wink , wink ) . After a few bump / grind songs we decided we had better get our old ' selves home it was after 11 : 00 PM after all ; - ) Cole instantly fell asleep on the way home as we drove back to " civilization " : - ) We are two nights into my dad picking up and watching Cole and things are going surprisingly well . They have both been in great moods when I 've gotten home . Last night my dad even took Cole to dinner at a restaurant ALONE ! ! ! ! He has even given him a bath both nights , which is one more baths than his dad ever gave him and probably two more than my dad ever gave my brother or I : - ) Tonight when I called they were playing Transformers and having a good time . I hope the rest of the week goes as well . My grandfather is off the ventilator and awake but still not talking . They have also found a mass on his lungs which they are 99 % sure is cancer , but are waiting for the pathology results . They seemed to have caught the sepsis early enough the antibiotics are helping . Even though my mom had prepared for the shock of seeing him it was still awful . They are talking about once he is stabilized they will send him to a nursing home . My mom and grandma are going to check out a couple tomorrow . The nurse told my mom today that it is unlikely he will ever leave the nursing home . At least my mom is there to help my grandma face reality and make some much needed decisions .
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PSA to everyone in my life : I live in Ann Arbor , in a big beautiful house with 9 beautiful women . My bedroom is modest but nice . It 's not fully unpacked yet , but that 's okay . You ( every one of you ) are welcome to come over whenever you want ! It 's something I loved so much about Senegal and will miss dearly : it 's not expected , and even can be rude , to ask to come over . Don 't wait for someone to invite you over : they won 't . And if you want to go over , don 't ask . Just go ! If that means you are over every day , okay that 's fine . If that means you come over when your friend isn 't home - okay , fine , turn on the TV . If that means you come over when your friend is sleeping - okay , nicely wake him up , or not , but you can stay and hangout . You can treat my bedroom like a Senegalese one , if you want . Stop by ! If I 'm busy with something important I 'll make just a little time for you , but you can still eat some food and chill while I continue my work . I 'm sure just about none of you will take me up on this offer , but it 's honestly there - if you show up at my house unannounced and ask for a drink and snack I will love you for it . I 've been home for ten days now and I finally feel like I am able to reflect on my time in Senegal and leaving Senegal . For the first week , it felt sort of like I was physically back in Michigan , but not necessarily emotionally . I still thought thoughts in French . For the first week , when I woke up in the mornings in my bed at home , I had to re - realize that I wasn 't in Senegal anymore . It was always the saddest part of my day . Often I would come close to crying . Once I did . I realized today in the shower , ( where all my best thoughts come ) , that my four months in Senegal and my next four months over this summer spent in Ann Arbor , are perfect opposites when it comes to many things relating to independence . That 's a confusing sentence I know . What I mean is that , for example , in Senegal I had no control over what I ate , for the first time since I was young . Now , in Ann Arbor , for the first time in my life , I have 100 % control over what I eat ; I buy groceries and cook all my own meals . In Senegal , for the first time in a long time , I had to be home by a certain time . I kind of had to announce when I was coming and going . I had to be respectful of the family . But now in Ann Arbor , for the first time , I have literally no rules and no one watching over me , ( except my dearest roommates like Megan and Kelly of course ) . Even last year in the sorority house I had a house mom , and there were certain rules ( ie : no boys over past midnight , etc . ) It 's a weird transition is all I 'm saying . The reverse culture shock is real . Although I feel comfortably adjusted back to life in Michigan now finally , I also realized that some of me will never go back to normal . Waly had told me upon leaving Senegal that this would be a good thing . Senegal did change me , and it would be sad and stupid to think it didn 't . Some changes include : I have always known that I am privileged to be an American . I have somewhat understood this privilege too . I 've known for a long time that people all over the world dream of coming to America , the land of milk and honey . The dreamland . I used to feel sentiments like this : Oh , if only they knew the problems we have here ! It 's true , of course we have problems in the U . S . ( One journal entry I wrote in Senegal included a list proving a new theory I have about all countries having an exact equal amount of " bullshit " , just manifested in unique ways . ) But after my experience in Senegal , I realize that America really is quite a dreamland . Of course it 's easy for me to say that , being an educated , upper - middle class , white woman . However , in general , with enough effort ( more is required for some populations perhaps ) you really can be successful . Or maybe it 's safer just to talk about myself : I have realized that for me , American privilege means that if I want something enough I can have it . This realization has amped up my work ethic . After meeting a hundred brilliant people in Senegal who want a job and can 't get one , I realized that I need to take advantage of the privilege and fact that there are so many jobs out there and I need to go get one ! I actually recently got two . The first one I will talk about later in this post . The second one is at Tim Hortons , less than a three minute walk from my house ; my first day is tomorrow . Beyond new realizations , Senegal also has left me with a lot of questions . It 's good - there are many things I will continue to think about and educate myself on . The hardest transition of all upon coming home was with Yama . In Senegal , Yama and I were best friends with a side of romance . It 's been hard dealing with the " side of romance " now that I am here . We aren 't dating . And I think we are the kind of people who really can just be great friends for the rest of our lives and nothing else . But he means so much to me , it 's crazy really , and the side of romance has been really hard not to bring in my carryout box back to the U . S . I trust that God will handle the situation and show me what , ahem who , he wants for me . Senegal has made me very patient . My main job I have , and the reason I am in Ann Arbor , is a research job . I meet with my boss and co - investigator in Ann Arbor , but the research is done in Detroit . The project is really huge , and I would love to tell you more about it if you ask . Basically I will be interviewing immigrants from sub - Saharan Africa who live in Detroit . We want to learn all about their experiences , but specifically will approach those who have started their own business or have influenced specific social circles . As an example , my main task is to interview African immigrants who have started hair braiding salons . ( From preliminary research today I found that these women are largely Senegalese ! Which is beyond exciting . I will certainly floor them with my Wolof . ) My co - investigator is starting by interviewing taxi drivers . We will create a public website with the results . It seems so far that this job is a perfect transition from my life in Senegal to my life here . I am interacting with Senegal as intimately as possible without actually being there . This intimate interaction with Senegal also comes through my daily conversations with Yama and Sadikh , and also my Wolof lessons from Yama . We had our first very official Wolof lesson today . Guys , it was by far the best post - Senegal moment of my life . Yama 's patience is unmatched , and we can communicate and fully understand each other all the time , against all odds . We use a free international application called Viber , but we use the voice message feature . Honestly it 's perfect for language lessons ! I hear his voice speak the phrases , and he hears mine and makes sure I say it well … but it 's better than a phone call because I can replay the message over and over again . Tomorrow I will go back and review the stuff I learned from him today . I help him with English too , like yesterday when I corrected an essay he wrote about his academic life . We have a perfect system and beautiful friendship . Beyond Wolof , I also work on my French every day with Rosetta Stone now . I want to get fluent in French of course , but what really motivated me to start was the fact that by the end of Senegal I had gotten really comfortable speaking French and I didn 't want to lose that . Rosetta Stone is obviously amazing . My parents bought it for me in 2011 ( but I really haven 't used it ) , and Senegal taught not to take things like that for granted because not everyone can learn a language if only they want to hard enough . I read again for fun , currently Divergent . I drink smoothies for breakfast . I scribble out plans in my agenda because it 's therapeutic , even though before I would never do that because it 's not " neat " . I let people come in my room even if it 's messy . Any of ya 'll can wear my clothes . Eat my food and drink my drinks . I give stuff away even if " but maybe I would use it some day " . I cuddle with my globe pillow and let other people too , even though before it was my prized possession only for the shelf . I notice little changes in myself now . They 're good . Learning Wolof : Maangi sama negg di naan tey . I 'm sitting in my room drinking tea . ( My favorite phrase from my lesson with Yama today . ) This past week was Spring Break for me , and the week between the two halves of my time abroad , the first half being the classroom phase and the second half being my internship / research phase . It 'll be hard to write a blog post summarizing the week , but I 'll do my best . Sometimes when I have a lot to write about , my tactic is starting at the present and writing about the events in reverse chronological order . This post will be something like that , as I am writing about the trip home from Spring Break , and a rundown of my six days of vacation will come later . clando : an informal taxi , an unmarked car with a random driver ; part of the Senegalese informal sector ; not exactly illegal ; less expensive , just as safe . My theory is that " clando " comes from the word " clandestine " . ( For readers who aren 't great with vocabulary , clandestine is an English word meaning secretive . ) However , my other English speaking friends here did not make that assumption and perhaps that 's not the case . ( I strongly believe it is ) . A week ago my friends and I left Dakar to head to Saly for Spring Break . Saly is a small city south of Dakar on the coast known for its beauty and tourist opportunities . Our plan to get there was this : take a taxi from the mosque in Mermoz to the lot with the sept - places , pronounced " set - PLAAS " , which translates as " seven seats " ; take a sept - places from Dakar to Mbour ; take a clando from Mbour to the house we were renting in Saly . It was , as always , easy to hail a taxi in Mermoz where we live . " Hailing a taxi " is an overstatement anyway because when you 're a Toubab ( white ) walking along the street here , the taxis all hail you ( honk , slow down , honk again , stop , honk ) and you acknowledge them if there 's mutual desire . We bargained with the driver for the price to the lot with the sept - places , a ten to thirty minute drive . While in the taxi , the driver tried to convince us to let him drive us all the way to Saly , a roughly two hour drive . We insisted that we weren 't interested because the sept - places were so much cheaper . So the bargaining began . Because locals had told us to expect a price just around 25 , 000 FCFA , we were happy when we successfully bargained with the taxi driver for a price of 15 , 000 CFCA ( $ 25 ) . This split between four people wasn 't going to be that much more expensive than paying for the taxi , the sept - places , and the clando . Futhermore , staying in the taxi and not getting out until we were at our vacation home was going to be so much less stressful , albeit not as exciting . So we did it . Although we had some difficulties in Saly finding the exact house , where street names and addresses exist only in theory , all went very well . Now fast forward a week to this afternoon . Our amazing vacation has ended and our bags are packed . We say good bye to the two people who had become our Salian parents , and the pool boy . We walk towards the busy road where a clando will hail us and we will accept . ( Taxis don 't exist in small cities and villages . ) We plan to take a clando , then a sept - places , and then a taxi - the reverse of our first plan out of Dakar . However , it was as if God was telling us that we weren 't meant to ride in a sept - places , that we weren 't ready ; our plan failed again . After getting in the clando , it turns out that our driver was on his way to meet a friend . He called him to let him know he was going to be late because he had " clients " he had to take to Mbour , a little bit of a drive . When he has the opportunity to make a couple thousand francs he will . Again , we never made it to the sept - places lot . After only a couple kilometers he flashed his lights and pulled his car off the road . It 's not abnormal for a driver to pull off and buy water or fruit or sandals or anything really . But this time there wasn 't anything to buy . It turns out that he signaled for a taxi to stop . Generally taxis don 't exist in small cities like Saly , but this taxi had just come from Dakar and was dropping a man off . Our clando driver said " Get out " and we said no , take us to the lot with the sept - places because that 's what we 're paying you to do and who is this random taxi driver eyeing us and we don 't want to take a taxi because they 're expensive and even though we are white we are ready for the adventure of the sept - places . The taxi driver came over to our window and said " Dakar ? 20 , 000 . " We told him that we were planning to take the sept - places which was much cheaper . Then he said , " Okay , 1 , 500 . " Time stood still . I looked back at Katherine and Tori and Haley in the back seat with the most confused expression . Katherine told him that we didn 't understand what he said , and he repeated himself . " 1 , 500 . " I told the girls , no way . Even if he actually means he wants to do it for 1 , 500 , that 's just too good to be true . We aren 't looking to get trafficked . Then I understood . The taxi was a Dakar taxi , and the driver lived in Dakar . He had taken a man to Saly . Now he was headed back to Dakar . Taxis don 't belong in Saly and he probably wouldn 't be able to get good business because clandos can drive people around Saly for cheap . Not to mention he probably wanted to get back to Dakar to pray and eat . Our clando driver saw an easy way out of driving us all the way to Mbour ( because he wanted to go hang out with his friends ) , and he thought he could help a Dakar taxi driver make 20 , 000 , or at least something , off Toubabs headed home . The taxi driver knew he probably wouldn 't be able to find Senegalese people to drive to Dakar , because they would most certainly take a sept - places , or even a Tata or another big , cheap bus . But today we Toubabs were Senegalese too , and after insisting that a sept - places was just fine for us , the taxi driver decided to give us a sept - places rate if we would just get in his car and go . It wasn 't too good to be true - the taxi driver was happy with the situation too . Because there were four of us , his car would be at max capacity for his trip back to Dakar , and he would charge a rate slightly higher than he would normally be able to charge - 1 , 500 per head . It worked out perfectly for all parties involved . He was charging us each 1 , 500 FCFA ( $ 2 . 50 ) to drive us right to the door of our homes in Mermoz . Considering the length of the drive this was an insanely good deal . He even convinced us to pay to take the toll road which got us , and him too , home in record time . We trusted him more than the average man because he was quite old and wearing a traditional Muslim gown , ( regardless if this increased trust is merited or not ) . He stopped just once to buy raw meat but he put it in the trunk . He was mostly silent , and spoke to me only when he wanted to tell me something interesting about what we were driving past . We tipped him well ( in a country where tipping doesn 't really exist ) , and he gave us his phone number if we wanted to call him in the future . " What 's your name ? " , Haley asked . " Saliou " , he said . " How do you spell that ? " , Haley replied , fingers ready to type it into her phone . " T - A - X - I " , he said with a smile . Where travel was likely going to be the most stressful part of my day I actually loved it . Also , I officially love clandos , even though the idea was mysterious and questionable before . In a country where unemployment , idleness , and money insecurity abounds , things like clandos put men to work and money in pockets . I 've decided that although things seem unorganized and crazy in Senegal , systems exist here just as much as systems exist in the United States . Where formal systems are lacking , informal systems take root . Sometimes the systems in Senegal are less efficient than the ones in the U . S . Other times the systems in Senegal are notably more efficient , and more exciting too . Learning Wolof , but Arabic first : InchAllah , God willing . ( It 's appropriate to use this phrase after any sort of plan , and people use it several times a day . For example , " See you tomorrow , inchallah . " " I 'm taking a sept - places , inchallah , ( and it turns out God wasn 't willing ) . " " I 'll post tomorrow about my Spring Break , inchallah . " ) Once a week I write and turn in an essay about my experiences here . Sometimes the essay topics are chosen for us , sometimes they just must relate to Senegal geography / history / culture , and sometimes they must be a personal reflection . I turn them in in French , but first I write in English in order to organize my thoughts and lay out a map . When I go to translate it into French , some of the sentences ' meanings change a little because of my limited French vocabulary or the non - existence of certain words . Also , when I write the first draft in English , I often choose my words based on what I know I can easily translate into French . Here is the most recent essay I wrote . It needed to be a personal reflection essay , but it 's always good when the essay relates to development which is the focus of the MSID program . The essay is the expansion of a journal entry I wrote near the beginning of my life in Dakar , but since that day I 've been thinking about the topic a lot and forming an opinion . Here it is . Since being in Senegal , my ideas and perceptions of many things have changed . My ideas about religion are being challenged , my ideas about myself are being challenged , and my ideas about poverty are being challenged greatly . " Poverty " is one of the first words the typical westerner thinks of when they think about Africa , and " development " is the most commonly proposed solution . Indeed , almost all development scholars include " reduction of poverty " in their definition of development . Since being here I find myself asking questions like , " What is poverty ? Why is it an important topic ? " Some friends in the United States , upon hearing that I have a maid at my house here in Senegal , assume my family is rich . I 'm not here to talk about my family 's income because truly I don 't know , but consider this scenario : if family A lives on $ 10 a day and woman B 's family lives on $ 1 a day , woman B might be willing to work for a wage well within the budget of a $ 10 a day family . Having a maid doesn 't mean you 're rich , but it means you 're wealthy when compared to someone else in your city . Maybe a family can 't afford a computer but they can afford a maid . Perhaps culturally maids are a higher priority when a family considers what they want to spend their money on . Now yes , I know that I am in fact living in a relatively wealthy neighborhood in Dakar . But that 's just the thing : this neighborhood is relatively wealthy . Mermoz is wealthy when compared to other neighborhoods in Dakar , and Dakar is wealthy relative to other cities in Senegal . I would argue that relative wealth , and relative poverty , are the only values that are even relevant in a society . Absolute poverty , often expressed in American dollars as people living on less than $ 1 . 25 a day , seems almost entirely irrelevant to me . Although it might shed light on how Senegal as a nation compares to other nations in the world economically , it does nothing to talk about an individual 's daily life . But even if relative poverty values are more relevant than absolute poverty values , I still find myself asking " What is poverty ? " I think the more important questions to ask other than " Are these people poor ? " are questions like : can they see a doctor if they want to ? Can they go to school if they want to ? Are they happy ? If the answers to questions like these are " yes " , what does it matter how much money is in their bank account ? I 'm not suggesting that the discussion of reducing poverty be taken off the table altogether . Surely reducing poverty will probably lend itself to giving people more access to medical treatment , schools , and happiness . However , what if putting more money in someone 's pocket doesn 't lend itself to better access or health ? Maybe the infrastructure or the trained doctors aren 't there . What if more money in someone 's pocket doesn 't mean more access to education , if there isn 't a school within walking distance or the teachers are always on strike because of government corruption ? What if money is in fact the root of all evil , and that simply more money won 't lead to more happiness ? Have we ever seen that casual line between money and happiness proved ? I 'm suggesting instead that we stop worrying so much about economic development , particularly on the individual level . Instead , we should ask questions about how many doctors there are , and how accessible clinics are . Are there adequate schools and supplies and are teachers treated well ? Are people happy , do they feel empowered , are they free ? I think we are living in an interesting time in history , a time where there are the greatest wealth disparities in the world but the greatest awareness of what exists for the other half . With today 's media , Americans are aware , or at least think they are aware , of the poverty in Africa . Africans are aware of the wealth in the United States , even if the view gets skewed as it travels through the technology waves . But I think that it 's important to critically think about what poverty is so that when we as a world try to fight it , we build up healthier , smarter , and happier people , not bank accounts . Yes , I am living here comfortably . I think anyone could . But my family 's income and whether or not we have a maid does not define poverty . My family in Dakar is wealthy because we can see a doctor when we need to , go to school when we want to , and smile because we 're happy . I spent a long weekend in Toubacouta , a village several hours south of Dakar , and it was definitely the most interesting weekend of my entire life , in a good way . I have 14 journal pages which describe my experiences in decent detail , but most of the things were truly unexplainable . This post won 't go into as much detail as my journal notes did , but if you want to hear more about anything mentioned in this post contact me . I would love to talk more about it all . On Friday morning we visited a small health post . My favorite part was the maternity ward ; we got two see two fresh babies . We also visited two schools , one which was a public French - style school , and one that was a Coranic school , where instruction is in Arabic and the children work towards memorizing the Quran . This experience made me really want to live in a village and work in a school for my internship . The children are beyond disciplined and don 't exhaust me in the same way American children do . After lunch we visited a women 's group which takes out microfinance loans ( with saddening 20 % interest rates ) . They use the loan money to invest in products to resell . The day was so interesting , but it would only get more interesting from here . After diner our group had a private show from a professional dance team outdoors at our hotel . ( You can 't imagine a typical hotel . Instead , imagine several small huts scattered around between some trees . We ate under a pavilion next to a pool that seemed absolutely never used . ) The dancers danced next to the pool and the dozen of us students sat in a line of chairs to watch . I was , by far , the most entertained that I 've ever been by watching a performance . It was amazing ! The dancers were so energetic and talented and beautiful . There was a guy on stilts and in a costume , a man covered in leaves , several men and a woman who ate fire and rubbed fire on themselves . After the dance , the dancers taught us some moves and danced with us . It was a blast . I was so amped up , my blood throbbing inside me . This intense emotion though suddenly fed anxiety instead of excitement . After the performance , Alia and Hannah and I walked back to Hut 14 . When we walked in the door , Alia calmly asked , " What are these bugs doing on my bed ? " Just a moment later , I screamed . Then we all did . In our room there were hundreds of bugs . Earwigs . Google image search earwigs and you will see the exact bug that was there , pinchers and all . They were covering the ceiling , all over our mosquito nets , our beds , our pillows . There was probably twenty in my backpack , ten on just a single skirt I had sitting out . Computer , toothbrush , they were everywhere . I ran out calling for Waly . Soon after , Waly , the hotel manager , and a couple other hotel workers were over . They were pretty surprised too , but started getting to work cleaning out the hut . There was no other room for us to take . After spending close to two hours cleaning , the room looked pretty nice . However , after just five or so minutes , the bugs were back . They were crawling in as quickly as ever , and by the time I was ready to crawl in bed , ( it was quite late now ) , there were several more on the side of my mattress . Honestly , I probably would have been fine going to sleep , even with a few around my bed , but I just kept imagining the worst likely : waking up in the middle of the night and having them everywhere again . All over my mosquito net , falling from the ceiling crack where they were entering still , a parade . Even in the morning , how would be leave our beds ? It wasn 't going to work . Eventually , after seeing that there wasn 't going to be a way to rid Hut 14 of the infestation , Waly ( bless his heart ) offered us his room . His hut was smaller , but after another thirty or so minutes , we finally had it set up to sleep us three . I 'm not sure where Waly slept , but I know it wasn 't in our hut . Not even he was going to put up with those bugs . After all this , Alia and I went to buy some beer for us three . Even though the kitchen was closed , the manager agreed to unlock it and get some . We tipped him well . We drank our beer slowly and journaled about our crazy day . We let our heart rates settle and our mind formulate coherent thoughts and reflections on the day . Finally we were exhausted , and I 've never slept better . That was Friday . Saturday was probably just as exciting , though thankfully ended a little differently . We started the morning by taking a little wooden boat through the mangroves . Let me tell you , I was in utter bliss . For a couple hours I had not a single care in the world . I could have stayed there for days , if not forever . Some of the other students on the boat requested that I stop dragging my feet in the water , but the water was warm and beautiful and I just had to . We were going slowly enough , and there were several strong men on the boat , so it was safe Mom , ( and I know if you had been there we would be doing that exact thing together ) . Later we visited a community radio and a community garden . The community garden was almost as beautiful as the mangroves . The garden itself was organized , healthy , and serene . In fact , I haven 't felt I was in a more perfectly peaceful place since being in Senegal . They were growing all sorts of things there , and it was extremely expansive with a couple large wells . We ate mini tomatoes off the plant , and there were also onions and cabbage and several things I didn 't ask to have identified . Even more beautiful than the physical garden was the community behind it . I 'm decently knowledgeable about how the community garden works there , who is in charge of what and how it works , so if you 're interested in hearing more I can tell you . That night we attended a Senegalese traditional wrestling event . I honestly won 't even try to explain this one . Even pictures couldn 't come close to capturing the experience which was unlike anything that exists in the United States . Combine a steady drum beat and loud singers and hundreds of spectators in a circle among some trees and tall strong Senegalese wrestlers fighting wearing next to nothing and everyone dancing and drama breaking out and prize money and … it was a lot . The day ended as peacefully as it began . The whole time in Toubacouta we had four Senegalese male students attend the events with us . Some of us students requested that these guys help us find a perfect place to stargaze . They walked us to a cement dock in the middle of nowhere . I 'm one hundred percent positive that it was the most beautiful starry sky I 've ever seen . In a small African village , without much light , without much pollution , without much noise at all , and during the season without many mosquitos … it was perfect . If I spend my first forever in the mangroves I 'll spend my second forever under that sky . Those were the highlights of the trip . Of course I could mention more monkey interaction and eating ice cream and having deep conversations and playing with babies . But this weekend was only a day ago , and already today I 've already experienced more things worthy of a blog update . Life for me here never stops and it never slows down , ( the biggest irony with the Senegalese slow pace of life ) . On the contrary , each day it gets more interesting . The learning never ends . Some people have asked me , " Why ' ambassamor ' ? " It 's my username on several websites and social media outlets . It 's also in the URL for this blog . " Amor " means love . " Amor " is love in Latin and Spanish . " Amour " is love in French . To me , an ambassamor is someone who strives to , above all , show love . As an " ambassador " I might represent Americans , but as an ambassamor , I aim to be a loving one . The love I receive in my family , in my friend circles , in Christ - I want it to radiate from me and touch the lives of others . My dream career in middle school was to be an ambassador . No matter what my future holds , however , I 'll always strive to be an ambassamor . Learning French : " Le Sénégal t ' attend avec impatience . " ( Said to me last night by a Senegalese friend . ) " Senegal waits for you with impatience . "
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March 31 , 2011 , 4 : 27 am Filed under : Day Rides , Misc Yep . 100 . 23 miles . After my 3 . 62 mile ride around the River Loop with Loke yesterday , I loaded the rides from my Garmin into the Garmin Training Center software . This was the total it gave me . 100 . 23 miles in less than a month . Not my best . At least one year , I was riding 100 miles in less than a week . Quite a few solo rides admittedly , though I think Loke would have been fine covering that distance as long as he had socks . However , as I stared at that number , I felt a significant prick of irritation and even disgust . In 3 weeks , I 've covered MORE than 1 / 4 of last year 's total distance ? ! Don 't get me wrong , looking back at the whole cluster of set - backs , I understood I didn 't really cycle as much as I wanted , but for me to have done a quarter of the distance in so short a time when I 've not been riding my best ? I don 't even feel like I 've put forth much effort into getting out for this year 's rides at all . If it 's been this easy , why didn 't I cover more distance last year ? As for the ride yesterday ? I wasn 't feeling too well . It was a gorgeous day though and my husband came home from work a bit early . He decided I should go for at least some kind of ride for Loke 's sake if nothing else . We toyed with the idea of me starting from the Järlåsa Kyrka again , but though he was home early , I wouldn 't have been starting the ride until almost 4 pm or even 4 : 30 . Felt like a lot of effort for 2 hours riding . So , to make husband and husky happy , I did at least get him to carry the trike out and give Loke a River Loop run . No pictures . The river is remarkably clear of ice already . Some sections look rather ' autum - ish ' . Brown grass , naked trees with dead reeds along the banks , but no snow or ice . Not many sections , but enough . We passed an absolutely adorable Doberman Pincer puppy . He was about 6 months old , but already well trained enough his owner was walking along with him free of the leash . When the man called him , he sat right next to his left leg and watched us go by with a bit of a whine and little prance with his front feet . Very impressive restraint for a puppy . Other than that , it was just a quick loop . Maybe I 'll drag the trike out the door for a longer ride today if I feel better . I think this weekend I 'll try to finish the trip I ended at Järlåsa though . Maybe I 'll even make it a goal to crush last years total distance before the end of April . Muhahaha . I 'm probably setting myself up for disappointment , but I stand by that evil laugh . * smirk * March 27 , 2011 , 7 : 45 pm Filed under : Day Rides Sounds almost like one of those ice shows . Disney or something . It was nothing warm and fluffy though . Writing the blog earlier this morning lit a fire under my butt . I asked my hubby if he would mind abandoning me , trike and dog somewhere in the countryside for a few hours . He was willing so I laid out a route just outside of the ' Been There , Done That Too Many Times ' lands though it would lead me to a place I 've cycled through twice before . If I was really froggy , I could probably even cycle home passed Ulva and Gamla Uppsala , though it would mean a ride of 40 miles or more . I doubted I 'd make it that far , but it was a possibility and Jens liked the idea of me cycling in the general direction toward home at least . Every weather application / website or thermometer I checked insisted it was above freezing as I readied everything for the ride . I 'd tentatively planned to leave from Skogstibble which is along a section of the Sverigeleden I 'd cycled almost 2 years ago now . After a few miles though , I 'd be on new ground with new churches . On the way there , I decided to skip Skogtibble and start from the first new church . I would cut nearly 4 miles from the ride . 4 miles I could apply to the other end , edging me a bit closer to home . There was a bit of confusion and it turned out the second choice for a starting point wasn 't entirely good . To get to the road I needed meant riding along a very busy section with no shoulder for about a 1 / 4 mile . Not my idea of a good start . So , I rambled around the churchyard for pictures and my constant search for runestones . Sadly , there were no runestones to be found , but I did take a few pictures at least . Oh ! And do you see the clear skies and sun in the picture ? Yeah , so did I . One thing I decided as I assembled the trike . All the weather things I 'd checked and rechecked LIED about the temperature even if correct about sunshine . In no way was it almost 40 F . The wind was stiff and roaring through the trees with a bitter sting against my eyes and cheeks . Before I even settled the seat , I was dragging on all the layers I 'd thought to bring . My gloves ? Completely inadequate . It was new ground and I refused to be put off by something as paltry as wind . Pfft ! I would conquer ! I had my bullet proof thermals on as well as thin thermals with cycle tights and 4 layers on my arms and chest . As I settled things , Jens pointed out the sound of geese in the distance . Kinda neat , but it didn 't hold my attention . Geese generally mean Canadian Geese and while I like them , they 're kinda like the mallard ducks around here . So many and so common , they blend into the scenery . Kinda like blades of grass . The first two miles were brutal . The wind , cold and dry , made my eyes burn so much I had tears streaming down my cheeks and could barely keep them open . I kept thinking I needed a video camera mounted on my pedal boom so I could play it back to see the scenery I 'd ridden though . We flew over that distance at roughly 16 mph ( from the few glances I managed to actually see my Garmin ) . The speed wasn 't my choice , but my partner 's . Loke was in his element ! A bitter chill in the air and a world of white all around is where a husky belongs . He loved it ! Me ? Not so happy , but determined . During the charge , I discovered the distant honking hadn 't been geese ! I heard it again and turned my head . That gave my eyes a brief respite from the wind and I smiled . Swans ! A pair of swans came from behind us fast . Only about 30 feet away and barely 10 feet off the ground , they raced Loke and I . The furry one 's pace fumbled a bit as he spotted them . When those graceful , winged forms surged ahead , he poured on the speed to try and catch them . After a few hundred yards , they canted upward , vivid white against the blue of the sky . Swans seem to have grace in all they do . Except maybe walking . They do look a bit silly on land . Sadly , no pictures . Digging the camera out at 16 mph seemed too risky . Worry gnawed at the back of my mind as I came up on the first turn . I was certain it wouldn 't be paved and I was right . It looked great though . No snow or ice on it and while mushy enough to make me work a bit harder , it wasn 't a killer . Loke really liked it and wanted to run , run , RUN ! Around mile 3 , I spotted white on the road ahead . Not terribly worried , we went on since it didn 't appear to be hard frozen ruts or the like . Heh . Yeah . Not ruts . Hard frozen , definitely . We were climbing a hill when I lost all traction . My forward momentum turned into a twisting , slow glide across the road . When I stopped , I was cross - wise to the road direction , a sitting duck for any car coming over the hill . All my studded rear tire accomplished was a spin . I put a foot down and tried to push . I even tried to get Loke to pull . No good . I somehow managed to get out of the trike . With my feet sliding like crazy , I pushed the trike back to a thin strip of gravel . I managed to move about 100 feet with the momentum I gained from that short running start . It was enough I was able to drag the trike to clear ground . All of this left Loke completely baffled . He , of course , had no problem on the ice . I was shaking as I caught my breath . Less than 200 feet in 15 minutes and I felt like I 'd gone 5 miles in 10 minutes or something silly . The picture does no justice since you can 't see the true expanse of the ice around the curve . No way I was going to skate around the curve to get a better shot either . Falling on my rear or face isn 't my idea of a good time . Pretty sure it would ruin the rest of the ride . I gave Loke a drink and then pedaled on . Less than another 200 yards around a curve , I stopped to stare in dismay . Ice . Smooth , gleaming like wet , polished alabaster . The next three miles must be among the hardest I 've ever ridden . It was harrowing and exhausting . Long stretches of the slick topped road where I had to build up momentum before hitting ice . My gears had to stay low , but I needed pedal quickly so I wouldn 't lose the forward movement and yet not so fast to spin the tire . Desperately trying to steer around curves with front tires which didn 't want to hold the surface beneath them . Loke came into his own . Usually , the furry one only pulls at the first mile or so of a ride , when he sees small animals to chase , or on very rare occasions up steep hills . He 's a very smart dog and after the fiasco of the first ice patch , he sensed what was needed . He pulled hard and steady . I encouraged and lavished praise upon him as we skidded and slid on our way , praying the whole time he wouldn 't decide he needed to stop and mark the deep snow bank to the side . He didn 't . The furry one was a husky with a job and he did it flawlessly . I 'm utterly convinced that without Loke , I would have been calling my husband for a rescue in the middle of that 3 mile ice rink . Each spot of clear road , I 'd stop to catch my breath , sip water and offer some to Loke . I pedaled so fast I sweated in spite of the cold . I felt nauseous a few times both from exertion and , when I 'd start to slide in weird directions or slow down , worry of getting stuck . Insane cadence and struggling to control my direction took their toll . Where there wasn 't ice , the dirt was a thick mire that slowed me to a crawl . It took me an hour and a half to cover the 3 miles and reach clear roads . Paved roads . When I realized the worst was over , I had to wait for my muscles to stop twitching and my breathing to normalize before I could go on . After the insanity of the frozen road , solid pavement under the wheels felt like air . Even with the wind and my knobbly rear tire , it felt like I flew . Loke was still happy to run and I noticed he barely pulled . He 'd done his duty to get me to good ground and was happy to just keep up . I was fine with that too . We covered the distance from the icy nightmare to the small village of Järlåsa . Somewhere between those two points , the sun vanished behind a blanket of cloud and somehow the frigid wind got even colder . It didn 't help , I was still fairly exhausted from the adventure . A bit less than 3 hours of cycling to cover 9 . 65 miles and I found myself looking upon Järlåsa Church . It was a surprise . A stunning , round church of stone and yellow painted plaster capped by a domed roof with a central copper steeple . It was quite beautiful and I was enchanted . I 've seen a few other round churches , but I think this one was the prettiest . As I pulled into the parking lot , I began to shiver . Even the warmth generated by pedalling wasn 't enough to counter the chilling I got . Most of it was from my face and I had trouble keeping the cap down over my ears . I gathered the camera and Loke to find a good angle to collect the church and look for runestones . Sadly , none to find it seems unless there 's one lurking at the old ruined church I just found out about as I blogged this . Maybe I should start researching the churches before the ride though it would ruin the surprise I get when I find gems like this . I suppose on a later ride , I can start from here to find the ruins before I leave . I was so cold and tired when I finished my round of the church , I decided the ride was over . Yes , I know . Less than 10 miles and I was giving up . But I wasn 't sure I could push the pedals much farther . It was long miles to the next point of interest and if I became too wiped to go on , there wouldn 't be a spot as nice to wait for a pick up either . I went to sit in the near tropical warmth of the tiny bathroom for a while after I called the hubby . Tethering Loke with a long line , I sat down in the trike with my back to the wind . Hat down as far as I could pull it and collar of the windbreaker up to my nose , I waited . Loke didn 't seem too happy with that . When I 'd turned the trike around , he immediately moved into the correct position to be hitched and followed it as if he had been tied to it . After a few minutes , he woofed at me . Even pawed at my leg and arm . When that didn 't work , he sat staring off in the distance with deep sighs . Clearly , he hadn 't run enough , but I didn 't have anything left . It felt so nice to get home , jump into a near scalding bath and soak . Loke 's fairly quiet , but not as flat as he was after the last ride . About right for both of us , I 'd say . March 27 , 2011 , 7 : 37 am Filed under : Day Rides Seriously , I am . I wish I could grump that I have no idea why , but I know exactly . I 'm bored . Loke 's bored . We 're both bored of the same ol ' loops as we try to build ourselves up . Then of course , Loke 's feet need time to toughen up since I haven 't made him many socks in spite of the sewing machine we purchased almost exclusively for the purpose . If I knew it wouldn 't kill Loke and I both after the first 6 hours or so ( if lucky ) , I 'd throw my gear in the trailer and take off . I 've tried looking at the maps for SOMETHING new I could ride to / past on a 3 to 5 hour easy loop , but nope . I 've pretty much covered everything in a 10 - 15 mile radius around Uppsala . I could blame the low - grade cold I 've been fighting . It does make it harder to gather the UMPH to go out for a tedious ride , but it 's no real excuse . Did I mention I 'm bored ? My last ride was on the 23rd . I 'm tentatively planning to go for a ride again today in spite of the cold snap we 've had . After all , I do have the ultra - thermals which could double for bullet proof armor . The day started out glorious . The 2nd warmest day of the year . It had stayed above freezing the night before and warmed so quickly , I got my earliest start of this new cycling season with me setting foot to pedals at 9 : 30 am sharp ! As I was wrestling the trike out , I felt quite warm in my lightest thermals under my tights and standard cycle top . I decided Loke and I were going to do Börje for the first time this year . Loke seemed quite glad to be out even though I turned toward the same ' ole River Loop we 've already run . . what ? 5 times this year ? We skimmed along in the gorgeous sun , dodging a surprising number of people for a weekday morning . We couldn 't even do our usual mad charge down the hill toward the river . I was quite surprised when I saw the river . It had gone kind of yellow the week before , where the water was starting to seep through the ice , but a few nights of good freezes ans a 2 inch snow fall had turned it back to pristine white when I passed it on the 20th . No longer ! The melt water is finally hitting the river and pushing the river level up above the ice . A stunning transformation in just a few days ! As I took the picture ( see my shadow on the river ! The closest I 've come to being in these photos . Hehe ) , I noticed the clouds coming to flaw what had been a pure blue sky . Loke actually sighed and slowed down a bit as I turned to cross the 272 onto Gamla Börjevägen . As we moved between the fields and into the teeth of a brisk wind , the speed of the encroaching clouds seemed to swallow the sun . 20 minutes after starting out in a strong sun and temperatures warm enough , I wondered if my thermals might have been unneeded , I tried to huddle back into the sheepskin covering my seat and pulling up the collar of my wind - breaker I 'd had to wrestle . The temp had done at least a 5 degree F drop ( 2 - ish for the metric users ) and with no sunlight and wind bringing the lingering cold of snow - covered fields right into my face - Well , you get the idea . I debated turning back a few times in the next 15 min as we crawled against the bitter breeze . I argued with myself to do at least the loop which would take us out toward the 72 and then past the shopping center for roughly 10 miles . At last , I gave a sigh as I decided to suck it up and do the Börje / Gamla Uppsala Loop any way , icy wind and inadequate thermals or not . Loke and I both perked up with a bit more interest as we went straight through the intersection we 'd been turning right or left at so often this year . I know , I know . Less than 10 rides and I 'm grumbling like we 've ridden this stretch a few dozen . The decision felt like a good one , even as I had shoulders hunched to keep the collar of my windbreaker up to my nose and the knitted cap under my helmet pulled down my upper eyelids . Even through gloves , I alternated shoving hands between my back and the sheep - skin for warmth . I felt even better about the ride when I spotted the church across the fields . That picture of Börje is a prime example of why I love taking my larger , heavier Canon with the telephoto lens with me . I never could have gotten such a good shot with my point - n - click . Not without walking for 20 minutes across that snow with uneven ruts of a plowed earth lurking treacherously below . Loke hit a pretty good lope as we rounded the curves that took us past the church about 15 minutes after it appeared in the distance . He loves the curving slope that goes by the school . It 's another one of those spots he delights in hitting a full run . As we sped toward the church , I debated stopping to search the churchyard for additional runestones . Börje Kyrka does have a runestone I know of . It sits as part of the outside of the churchyard wall about 5 feet from the road . It 's one of the most simple carvings I 've found . After my lesson with Vänge , I admit , I did consider stopping to look for another stone in the church yard or lower walls of the building itself . One look at the parking lot choked with chunks of broken ice rapidly changed my mind . In stead , we streamed past at almost 12 mph to whip around the curve where the road followed the churchyard wall . I made a point of looking for the first sign of crocus along the ditch bank there as well . It 's where I found one last year though I think it was a few weeks later in the year . The road between Börje and the Gamla Gård is a pretty one . A few farms and less than a handful of houses sitting up against the road for 2 miles . The fields along there aren 't the huge flat expanses of a kilometer or more across where the wind comes screaming across the snow either . They 're smaller , so the trees are visible as more than a dark line on the horizon and they break up air flows a bit too . It 's a bit hilly as well so a few spots where I creep at 4 mph or less followed by decent stretches where I can cruise as fast as Loke is willing to run . He was willing this time . We covered the 2 miles at around 10 min , which considering the time I had to spend climbing , was pretty good . This ride seemed to be a lot of ' I considered ' and it held true again when I came up to Gamla Gård . I know I 've mentioned the place many times . It 's a collection of farm buildings including a farm house from the 1700 's . A group of residents in the immediate houses and farms in the area make it a point to collect old buildings , move them and then lovingly restore and maintain them . I 've had many a lunch or snack brake there . Sitting under the shade of graceful birch trees at a picnic table while Loke , tethered to one of said birches , does his grass - thrash . A few times , I 've had the company of some of the men who are retired , have the time to care for the buildings and grounds , and only too happy to share the history of their buildings in a choppy combination of Swedish and English . They 've even proudly unlocked the house once so I could take a peek , even climb up into the loft / attic to take pictures of all the old butter churns , spinning wheels and farm equipment they 've collected . There is an outhouse too which has been a life saver every now and again . It 's amazingly clean . Even more impressive , though it is your traditional wooden outhouse , I 've never seen fly or other insect there . It 's cleaner than a few modern bathrooms I 've suffered . It would have been nice to get pictures of the half - dozen or so buildings arranged in the farm - yard with snow . Particularly , the sod - roofed one . But the gravel road was not melting gracefully or kindly toward my trike 's use , so I settled for taking a picture of the back of the farmhouse from the road . From the Gamla Gård , it 's a long downhill slope . Alternating between gentle glide and clench - the - brakes - with - white - knuckles - so - Loke - can - keep - up charge , it makes an easy mile for me . Good thing Loke likes to run . The steepest section is where it jags into a sharp ' S ' curve with a bridge over a small stream right in the middle . The latter part of the ' S ' is one of the steeper hills on the route at almost 10 % . Without Loke , I 've hit 28 mph ( 45 kph - ish ) . With the blind SHARP curve , it really gets my heart going and a bit dry mouthed as I 've wondered each time I 've done that would a I lose traction and skid to the wrong side of the road just as a car came whipping down the hill from the other direction . It 's also there , I once had a bird hit the brim of my hat when I was doing 25 mph . It felt a little warmer as we moved along which I was quite glad of . I stopped at one point to get the blood flowing to my toes again . Sometimes those cycle shoes of mine leave them numb . I swapped Loke to his flexi - leash , but he just stood there staring at me in confusion as I moved back and forth . Finally , I picked up a small rock and threw it into the snowy field . It began a frenzy . The furry one bound after it and his face vanished as he began a search . Some crazy , circular bounding and he finally flung himself down to wallow in the snow . Frantic digging followed that for about 5 minutes . When he calmed down , another tossed stone set him off . He enjoyed himself . Goof . It really perked him when I hitched him to the trike . He set off with as much vigor as our first mile usually has . By the time we made it to Gamla Uppsala , it was noticeably warmer and I decided to check out the churchyard there . 5 years of cycling past Gamla Uppsala at least a dozen times a year and I 'd never looked for runestones there . Gamla Uppsala church had them . I found the three fragments first . Clustered together , they lacked the sign giving any hint of a history . The larger of the three didn 't have any runes I could spot , but I did think the etching looked a bit like a ship with a cross on the sail , but I have a feeling there is so much of the carving is missing , it could be a standard cross surrounded by a band of runes . I found the sign for the mostly intact runestone at Uppsala before I found the stone . I had a moment of confusion as I looked around for it . The sign had been pulled up and leaned against the wall of the church almost 10 feet away . Another reason it took me a bit to spot the stone was its color ! A bright , rusty red ? ! Take a look for yourself ! I 'm used to stones being various shades of gray from almost white to a dark slate hue with flecks of brown . This is the first red one I 've found . Maybe by looking at the stones used in the church , I shouldn 't be so surprised . A few are very dark red . I 'm going to make a guess this stone was definitely not made from granite which is what runestones generally appear to be carved from . Translating the information on the sign , shows this stone 's oddities reach beyond its unusual color . This is also one of the first runestones I 've found to have a history as an alter table in the church . The other interesting point is the name of the one who commissioned the stone . Sigvid Englandsfararen or in English , Signvid England 's Traveler . The first I 've found a name with more than just a first name though the second one is more a descriptive term than a last name . Kinda like Eric the Red . After that , it was just a short jaunt home . I went along the busy road flanked by cycle paths . Not only the most direct , but also the one I knew would be passable . Some of the residential streets were still pretty ice choked and the grave mound path would be even worse . Unpaved roads and paths are the last to melt . When we got home , Loke immediately flattened out . That surprised me . Our last ride , 3 days earlier was 20 miles and the furry one had plenty of energy ! He bounced around with his ball , slept for an hour and then bullied Jens for his walk . The next day , he tried to bully me out the door for a ride . 18 miles and he was flat on the floor . And so flat the next day , we had to bully him out the door for his walks . I might have worried except the day before our run , I 'd taken him for vaccinations . Kennel Cough , Parvo and Distemper . It might have left his immune system in overdrive and little energy for anything else after the run . Speaking of vaccinations ! While I 'm dragging , I am still hoping to have a cycle season rich in tours ! When I took Loke in for his shots , I asked about getting a doggie passport . After asking my husband about it since it was a moderate chunk of change , I took care of that yesterday . Loke was given a rabies vaccination , his passport stamped with the info and in 5 months , he 'll be checked for the antibodies . If they 're present , he 'll be cleared to move freely in the EU community ! While the odds of us riding outside of Norway or Sweden this year are small , at least the option is there come late August or early September . I feel excited at the idea ! March 21 , 2011 , 7 : 12 am Filed under : Day Rides Well , 7 days between one ' real ' ride and the next was not part of the plan , but there it was . The 14th was a planned rest day and I needed it . After that - well . In my defense , I did kind of ride on the 15th . Though I still felt I needed another recovery day , the day was gorgeously clear and not too cold which has a whole new meaning since I bought the ultra - heavy woolies . My husband actually bullied me out the door . I started out with the half - hearted intention of riding the Vänge route I 'd cut short on the 13th due to rain . The ride ended up being MUCH shorter . My body ached all over and my legs had absolutely no strength . I felt utterly and completely wiped , drained and exhausted . Loke seemed to agree with me . He had no interest in racing along at 14 to 16 mph over the first mile stretch . He just splashed along through the melt water and gave a sigh every now and again . The 15 + mile route abruptly turned into the a 3 + mile route . The only time Loke or I either one went faster than 5 mph was down the big hill toward the river . I think we hit about 7 mph which is usually Loke 's absolute minimum cruising speed on flat ground , not his top speed of the day . Absolute basic River Loop done , Loke and I both staggered through the door and flopped onto various soft surfaces and didn 't move for a while . After that , the days sort of escaped . Wednesday passed as another rest day . Thursday , the curse of laundry devoured the day . Friday , the additional snow I 'd been expecting to come along and delay this apparent spring finally turned up . It IS only March after all . It wasn 't a raging blizzard thankfully . Just 2 ″ of wet white that came down looking a lot like powdered sugar which I let melt through Saturday before finally going for my ride yesterday . Yesterday dawned beautifully and around 10 : 30 am I started getting things together as my husband kindly walked the dog . Loke and I both had a lot more energy this time . The mad charge was back as we tore along past the apartment buildings , houses and finally the school . Being Sunday and so pretty out with temps around 45 F , the cycle path ( multi - user really ) was packed . People speed or pole walking , or just plain walking with and without dogs . Lots of joggers . It was more like a roving obstacle course than a bike / foot road . We ended up taking the big hill at less than 9 mph simply because there wasn 't space clear enough to zip down at 16 - 19 mph . After that , we just settled into a moderate pace . Loke and I both are starting to feel the ' clausterphobic ' symptoms of covering the same ground over and over . I fought with it last year . Even so , I was determined we were going to do the ride up to Vänge and back . I had to bully Loke along into a decent speed down the hills as we rode along Gamla Börjevägen . I decided one thing as we went , I 've really enjoyed riding this early in the year and in the colder temps . The years before when I 've started the cycle season , the fields and woods pass by me in a bleah melange of gray and brown . Too early for grass , crops and leaves , but late enough most of the snows are gone . Not this year . I 'm pedalling along in a world of white fields bringing out the greens of the conifers . It 's beautiful even when the skies above are a leaden gray . As we crossed the tracks , I had a bit of a surprise . Nothing drastic . Just the mouth - watering aroma of grilling meat ! Oooh , someone was getting a jump on summer ! It smelled like pork ribs . While I hadn 't been particularly hungry , my stomach growled and I was salivating . Loke stumbled a few times from trying to run with his nose straight up to the sky as he sniffed and started to drool . I had to drag him past because he tried to turn longingly toward the house where the delightful smells originated . He gave me sullen looks for almost half a mile before he forgot about it . At the 72 , Loke actually bounced off my front wheel even though I 'd said ' Höger ! ' . Apparently not paying attention , he 'd reflexively tried to go left toward town as we 'd done before . Suddenly , his tongue was lolling in the husky smile and he pulled hard into his harness as we faced Vänge . I happily accommodated him , pushing harder and faster into the pedals as we hit almost 15 mph . We zipped past Läby church and then slowed for the first of the long , but not terribly steep climbs . At the crest of the hill , doubts reared their ugly heads . A thick stand of tall trees across the highway reared close up to the road and apparently the warmth of the sun hadn 't reached the cycle path . Snow looked deep , chain - strangling and , if hard frozen , derailleur busting . I stopped to stare at it for a long while . Loke was willing . He gave me an impatient woof and then kangaroo hopped . I decided to try it . Worse case , I would have to get off the trike and turn it around . I slid , skidded , crunched and ' slooshed ' over the 10 - 15 meters . It wasn 't frozen solid and I managed to keep the rear wheel mostly in a flattened track about as wide as my hand so the chain wasn 't scooping snow / ice into the tubes . When I made out the other side , the slushy snow had packed over the rims of my front wheels . As we raced down the slope , it slung that freezing wet right into my face . The rest of the way to Vänge remained clear of snow . There were a few people even out along this country stretch . I passed 5 people walking , 3 with dogs , and nearly a dozen cyclists , but none of the ' hard core ' types . All the bike riders had smiles , waves and even a few thumbs up for me . Soon we rolled into Vänge . Vänge is small village . They have a sort of convenience store , a school , quite a few houses and , of course , the church . How on earth have I managed to ride past Vänge even since I started blogging and not show the church ? Well , there 's that oversite corrected . I slowed down a bit as we came into the village . After a few minutes , I decided to do something I 'd never done before though I 've been through the place more than a dozen times . I was going to actually stop at the church and look for runestones ! It 's amazing that with my obsession with churches and runestones , I 'd not done so before . Maybe one day , I 'll even stop to look for runestones at Läby which I pass each time I ride between Vänge and Uppsala . Yep . Within clear view of the gate next to part of the church sat Uppland 's Rune Stone # 905 . Loke made getting the picture difficult . He yanked me around , wanting to mark all those conveniently placed stones just calling for a bit of his scent , but I persevered . As I settled everything back into place on the trike , an older woman came to visit the grave of a loved one . She stopped and risked petting the soaked sponge that was Loke . For once , the fur - brain didn 't try to jump . He just sat , wagging his tail and taking the attention he sees as his due . We chatted briefly in Swedish , mostly she asked if he pulls a lot . I answered no , and joked he was a lazy husky . Mostly he just runs . Once she 'd given Loke a few more pats and told him he was a beautiful dog and went into the church yard , I had to spend a few minutes digging the ice away from the cleats in my shoes . Actually , I banged at it with the clip to one of Loke 's leashes to break it up and THEN dug it out . Yes , definitely must remember sneakers for walking . The trip back down the 72 and past the shopping center was uneventful . There was a 5 minute break to talk to a man with a yellow lab as the dogs touched noses . I slogged back through the icy stretch , collecting more ice on my front wheels to wash my face with . I dodged almost another dozen people on bikes . Two were even the hardcore , spandex wearing , racer types . My legs felt it too . They were aching , but so close to home would have been silly to call Jens . Especially since Loke was still running well . For Loke , the husband would be called . For me ? I suck it up as long as I can if the trike isn 't broken . Soon , we were on the cycle path coming to the back of the wooded hill . I seriously underestimated the impact the 2 inches of Friday 's snow had on that entire stretch . It was rough enough to clatter my teeth . The steep slope up to the treed crown was slick with it as well . In the middle of the climb , Loke decided a certain rock under a dusting of snow demanded his attention and he jerked us to a stop . Even with my chunky , knobbly and studded rear tire , it was hard to get going again . The wheel spun and finally I had to bully Loke into helping . No way I could have gotten off the trike at that angle . It finally grabbed and I made sure we didn 't stop until we got to the top . On the other side , it was the opposite problem . The downhill was just as slick as the up . Worse , Loke loves to run down there and he spotted a dog ahead . Off we went ! I gripped the breaks for all I was worth and while the front wheels weren 't spinning , they weren 't grabbing either . The Loke 's pulling force dragged me around sideways so we shot down the slope toward some poor , unaware woman with the full length ( 2 meters / 6 + feet ) of my trike hogging 90 % of the path . Desperate , I yanked my right foot from the pedal and slammed it into the ice , hoping to drag the trike back straight , slow us and NOT yank my leg under the crossbar . I had images of a dislocated hip . It worked … kinda . The trike did at least straighten and slowed a tiny bit . My yelling ' Vänta ! ' and ' Easy ! ' at Loke made the woman turn . Her startled expression passed in a blur as I missed her with almost a meter to spare . Once straight , I put my other heel to the ice . It slowed us a bit more and gave me a crude kind of steering as I used the pressure of my heels to keep the trike on a forward facing track . We still did between 10 and 11 mph down that hill . As we came to the bottom , I spotted bare pavement and pulled my feet up . I also eased up on the brakes a bit so we didn 't slam to a stop . Beneath the 55 , I locked the brakes and went limp in the seat while I waited for my heart to slow . Even the time I hit 32 mph on the trike didn 't shake me up that much , but then I had control . Loke just stood there , wagging his tail and glancing between me and the dog ahead . Completely oblivious . Fur - brain . After that , I was glad the rest of the way toward home was uneventful . I was eyeing the GPS as we went and felt a thread of aggravation that the trip was going to fall a hair short of 20 miles . I decided we 'd take a bit of a detour to swing by Loke 's vet and schedule his kennel cough vaccination . Two birds with one stone . Appointment made to make sure Loke didn 't get kennel cough to stop him running and make 20 miles . The vet tech stepped out the door and locked just as I pulled up . I yelled ' Nej ! ' in a melodramatic fashion and laughed . She asked if everything was okay and I explained . She smiled and told me to just come in tomorrow . There were few enough scheduled appointments a walk - in would be no problem . 20 . 24 miles when I pulled up to the apartment door . Perfect ! A tired me with lots of exercise and a tired dog stretched out on the floor for the night . Both of us with the longest ride of the year under our belt / collar . March 13 , 2011 , 2 : 02 pm Filed under : Day Rides Snuggly , fluffy merino wool ! Gotta love it ! The plush softness doesn 't itch as it wraps you up in a cocoon of warmth . I 'd have been in deep trouble without it today ! That makes 3 rides this week , I might add . The total is somewhere over 40 miles I think and today 's confusing tangle of a ride at 15 . 04 miles was the longest by a mile or so . While I normally consider a mile nothing on the trike , I 'll take what accomplishments I can this early in the year . * chuckle * Today 's outing had a touch of promise when it warmed to the point I was willing to brave it . Broken clouds streaked over the pale , hazy blue sky as the sun peeked in and out . It changed quite quickly . By the time I set cleats into my pedals , the sky was utterly blanketed in verigated shades of gray . A happy Loke dragged me over streets with quite a bit less ice than the previous run , but our usual wild mile was quickly interrupted by a taxi . Near the school we regularly pass , cars parked on one side of the road as the taxi blocked the rest . It didn 't seem to be moving any time soon and with the mounds of snow and cars to either side of him there was absolutely no way I could pass . I don 't know what it is about cars lately , but they seem determined to complicate my life more than usual . After waiting 2 or 3 min , sitting where he could at least pass me , I muttered a few choice words under my breath and turned down one of the residential streets . Snow and slush covered every inch of it . Little to no pavement showed through and we had to creep along as I struggled to protect my rear derailleur from damage . I made a short block around the spot the taxi was choking off and it took me almost 15 minutes to cover a distance I would , on clear roads , have made in less than 2 minutes . One thing I noticed as we rushed along the path today , people were out in force . Dozens of joggers , walkers ( with and without dogs ) and even a few people riding bikes though they seemed to be ' using them for transportation ' riders rather than the ' out to cover miles in the country side ' sort like me . The snow 's retreat is in high gear now . Along the River Loop Extention , there was a wide band of winter flattened grass to cushion Loke 's paws . Where the dirty banks of white lay thick along Gamla Börjevägen on Tuesday , it 's almost 3 feet further back and Loke had plenty of non - paved surface to run . He seemed to appreciate that . The flood of people didn 't stop once we left the path . Along the 2 miles or so of the Gamla Börjevägen I rode today , there were another dozen people walking along the side of the road . Also , a lot more vehicular traffic than on Tuesday though I have no idea why . Around mile 6 , I offered Loke water . He stuck his tongue in it once and then lost interest . As I packed the bottle and dish back , I spotted the obvious sign of the worsening weather . Something fell from the sky . I 'd only spotted it from the corner of my eye and couldn 't tell if it was water or ice , but I knew I 'd seen it . I waited a few seconds and nothing else came . The intersection where I normally turn to Ulva , I turned the opposite way toward Läby and ultimately Vänge . The plan had been to cycle the path to Vänge , but go home via the route past the grocery store rather than a full out - n - back . I figured with the River Loop Extention , it would give Loke and I roughly 20 miles , putting us at just shy of 50 for the week . As we covered the 3 miles between Gamla Börjevägen and 72 , it began to get noticably colder . The little drops of rain and spits of ice were very noticeable as well . Not enough to dampen me or my enthusiasm , but obvious . Before we reached the 72 , I had to stop to put on my shoe covers and gloves , the rest of me still toasty warm . Wool or not , I was fairly certain if it really started raining it was possible I 'd catch a chill simply because my head and hands would get wet and there was no wool for them . When I came to the turn toward Vänge , I regretfully turned back toward Uppsala . The choice made Loke quite exicted . For almost 2 miles , he dragged me and the trike into a 14 mph run . Tongue lolling happily , he gave me those bright side - glances I can only interpret as ' WHEEEEEEE ! ! ! ' It lasted until the path turned into a quiet access road well choked with ice . I spotted the cat long before Loke did . It was strolling along the side of the road and saw me before it noticed Loke . Having spent most of my life as a cat rather than a dog person , I immediately noticed the ' Oooh ! A nice human who will give me scratches and pets ' body language . It only lasted 5 seconds or so before it saw Loke . Back arched , tail puffed out and came stiffly down and ears went back . That 's when Loke saw it and they were off ! The cat streaked to the left as Loke desperately tried to follow with me keeping him on a straight line with the harness . I 'm sure he thinks I never let him have fun . Then it was through a very icy residential area to avoid a very crowded and certainly dangerous highway . I took those backroads around toward the area of the Field Loop . It 's a good thing I hadn 't planned to work in the full field loop . The unpaved path crossing the fields between the observatory and the wooded hill was utterly inaccessiable to my trike . Where it met the path from the residential area I 'd come from , it was a 3 foot wall of hard packed ice and beyond was nothing but the shiny smoothness of foot packed ice . I 'm certain to either side of that was knee ( or thigh ) deep snow . The image of trying to cycle on that packed ridge of ice , sliding to one side and vanishing into loose snow popped into my head . The path up the wooded hill and down the other side was completely ice choked . The studded tire came into its own again on the climb and thankfully on the way down , my front tires kept enough grip so I could keep the speed down . Loke gave me dirty looks as he strained against the drag , twisted me a bit sideways . He couldn 't understand why we were letting one of his favorite hills go to waste ! I was even happier I 'd kept us under 8 mph when we reached the underpass of the 55 . One side of it had a ridge of snow across the path , deeply rutted and not very soft . In spite of the care I tried to take , it got a pretty good whack . I stopped to make sure it was okay , but couldn 't see any obvious damage . The long slope up the other side took us a bit of time and we ended up taking a different route than usual . The normal way we 'd go was much like the unpaved path across the fields we 'd passed minutes before . A white , hard packed ice ridge over deep , loose snow . I churned on up into an area I 've always cycled around , but not through . It was a bit of a puzzle and I found some interesting sections of cycle path . Maybe it will even be my way to navigate that area . As I made the final turn toward the river and the swim hall , the ' adventure ' wasn 't over . I slowed down as I spotted what looked like chunks of ice scattered across the path . Much to my surprise , it was almost 8 inches of water covered with thick pieces of broken ice . I snatched the camera bag up high and crawled through it . Loke was quite unhappy as he waded through the 4 or 5 yards / meters of it . For the second time in 2 miles , I climbed out of the trike to check my derailleur . Again , it looked fine . It was raining and icing signifcantly for the last mile home . Just a sprinkle , but the outer layer I had on top of my snuggly wool dampened and I could feel the water starting to seep to my skin . It still didn 't feel very cold . Nor did my rump which had gotten a bit wet thanks to the ice lake I 'd cycled through . Yes , it was deep enough for that . As I staggered into the apartment , I was dripping wet and only my hands and head felt the chill . Loke , again , was a mudball . March 11 , 2011 , 3 : 25 pm Filed under : Day Rides And in a good way ! We were supposed to have clouds and rain / snow mix with colder temps . It kinda started that way . I woke at 3 am to the pattering sound of melt and rain . After failing to get back to sleep , I got up around 4 am . It stayed gray for a while longer , but by 9 am , the clouds began to break ! Around 10 or 10 : 30 , I poked my nose out the door and decided with my wonderfully heavy thermals ( 400 g wool for bottoms and 200 g weight top ) I 'd be just fine . Loke showed a little more enthusiasm this time . As I pulled on the thermals and rest of the layers , he was sitting by the door , his tail wagging . By the time I burdened myself with the first load of things to go out , he started to get worried he 'd be left . When I came back from taking the trike out , he wedged himself against the door , determined HE would be the next thing to leave the apartment . He gave a gusty sigh as if in relief when I picked up his harness . Once outside , he waited with an amazing level of calm as I settled a few things before we were ready to go . The main thing I did was switch the camera bag to the left side of the trike . Every instinct in me wants to keep it on the side AWAY from passing cars , but I knew it would stay drier on the left . We began and Loke , as ever , wanted to do his wild mile . It completely baffled him when I yelled for him to go right , but he quickly picked up speed in the new direction as I guided us out toward the Vaksala / Gränby loop . It 's the 2nd of our short loops and , at 14 - ish miles , seemed a good choice since the muscle burn I had from the Ulva / Gamla Uppsala Loop . With the chunky , studded rear tire and into a stiff breeze I didn 't really push too hard , but we still were cruising along at 7 . 5 mph . Imagine how much faster we 'd have been with all around slicks , no wind and pavement clear of the inch of gravel . * chuckle * Soon enough , we left the residental area around Gamla Uppsala behind for the beauty of snow covered fields , wooded hills and blue skies . It actually felt warmer than it had on the 8th , but it might have been because of my different arrangement of layers though that wouldn 't exlain the warmer hands and feet . Either way , I was quite happy with the temperature though my eyes teared quite a bit when the wind came from certain directions . There was a lot more ice on this loop . At times we ran on thick sheets of it laying across the edge of the road when we had to let cars pass . Sometimes it would give this loud POP beneath our weight and startle Loke . His hindlegs would come up as if he were going to do a front paw stand as he 'd shoot a worried look at the back wheel . Amazingly , when he did that , he barely seemed to break stride . Another section of road was nothing but ice . Still hard and uncracked by the warming temps , it didn 't offer much purchase even for the studs as the tire slipped as much as it gripped . For the 100 yard climb , I 'm sure I pedalled for almost 200 yards worth . Where it wasn 't smooth and hard , the ice resembled the shaved or crushed ice used in snow cones . It crunched , popped , crackled and snapped rather like riding over an endless expanse of corn flakes . It slowed me down quite a bit too . At times , I felt like I rode through sand . Other times , I was slipping in all sorts of wierd directions though with the trike I don 't have to worry about falling down . The slipping didn 't seem to phase Loke much , even when he got yanked or shoved . He kept trotting along , ears up , tongue lolling as he scanned the fields and woods . I had a longish stop at one point . One of the horse farms along the route apparently has a new batch of animals . Two closest to the road completely freaked out when they saw us coming . For a moment they even looked desperate and frightened enough to jump over or go through the electric fence . I stopped and talked to them , even got up from the trike in an effort to calm them , but they were having none of it . In direct contrast , two horses on the other side of the road were nickering as if they would have loved for me to give them a scratch . After about 10 min , I decided there was nothing for me to do , but continue on . I went as slowly as I could , talking to the frightened ones as the others walked along with us . Finally , the skittish pair bolted along the back fence line so they were behind us . By mile 10 , my legs were tired , but I was surprised at the complete lack of lactic acid burn in the thigh muscles that made the last 3 miles of my last ride so difficult . It was around there the completely open stretch of road begins . Nothing but flat , glaring white to either side for a quarter mile or more . The wind which had been a moderate to stiff breeze the rest of the trip howled over that unsullied snow and tired me faster than the studs , hills , gravel or slushy ice . It also sucked the cold from that frozen expanse and blasted it into my face . My brow stung and , with the tears streaming down them to add to the chill , my cheeks burned . Except for flatting his ears and narrowing his eyes to keep the wind out , Loke didn 't seem to notice as I hunched down miserably in an attempt to protect my face . By the time we reached hills , trees and buildings again , my face felt sore and tender . Then it was past Vaksala kyrka , looking beautiful in the snow with the blue sky as a backdrop . I managed to work my way around the tangle of the new cycle paths so I didn 't have to cross a busy street . The cycle paths on the other side of the mall were remarkably clear . There were only a few small patches of ice and maybe three deep puddles . As I cycled past a certain group of trees , I was surprised to hear the murder of crows gathering there already . Every year for the past 3 I 've passed by , it 's been the nesting place of those crows and who knows how long it 's been their place . I thought it a bit early for them to start nesting though . I guess I need to get busy brushing Loke on these rides so the birds can use his fur for nesting material . Hehe . I felt pretty good once we coasted the last bit of the way home . My legs were tired , yes . Climbing the stairs was no problem nor were the three trips to get everything back into the apartment . Loke flew inside and started attacking anything vaguely fabric like in a frenzy of face rubbing before he flopped down on the towel I used to get the worst of the mud and wet off his legs and tummy . Two perfectly nice beds and he curls up on a thin little towel I laid down over a wet spot he left on the floor . I guess that 's good though , the towel is easier to clean than his beds and even after 10 min of scrubbing , he still looked gray . Before I even started it already looked like it might be another difficult year . I had severe pain in my calf . Bad enough , I thought it might be another DVT ( Deep Vein Trombosis ) or blood clot for us lay - people . All the tests came back clean and they told me to go to my usual doctor . I didn 't bother . I did gentle stretches with the muscles and spent almost 2 weeks with it propped up on a heat pad . It definitely shot my 10 hours a week on the trainer in the foot . It was last weekend that really got me itching to ride outside though . Due to a family matter , we had to go to the southern part of Sweden right along the section where you can stand on a beach and make out buildings in Denmark . There was absolutely NO snow . It drove me nuts to see all that wonderfully clear roadway . Just 30 miles north , snow lay thick on the ground and slushed up most of the roads , but in the area we were , it might has well have been late April already . When we got home , we discovered our new GPS arrived so Jens insisted we test it by driving one of my cycle routes . I picked Ulva / Gamla Uppsala . Much to my surprise , much of the road was clear . There were a few sections of road that were slick ice , but I decided I absolutely needed to ride outside and planned to do so the next day . I wrestled a studded tire onto my drive wheel and the next morning , Jens decided to work from home just in case I needed rescuing due to mechanical failure since it would be the first ride off the trainer . Tuesday dawned gloriously clear and by 10 : 30 am , I decided it was probably about as warm as it was going to get . I wrestled into my heavy weight themerals ( bullet proof I call them ) and then dragged my tights over them . My top I settled with a thin wool layer topped by a semi - windproof top . I had an extra layer for top and bottom packed . Water . Camera . GPS . As I ran around double checking everything , Loke just kind of stared at me with his eyes wide , not daring to believe . A few times , he paced around like maybe he started to get excited but then he 'd just lay down again with a disheartened sigh . Even when I picked up his harness , he didn 't seem convinced . Only when I stuffed my feet into the shoes , grabbed the helmet and told my husband I was ready did he start whirling happily . The slush on our street thankfully wasn 't cold enough to choke the chain or hard enough to damage the derailleur . We nearly had a moment of trouble when we headed out though . Since I 'd only put studded on the rear , I had slicks for my breaking wheels . Loke wanted to do a full out charge and traffic was coming . Fortunately , the person stopped and waved us on . The furry one was definitely quite happy to be out . He did his wild mile with me pedalling like a mad woman right along with him . As we zipped through small lakes in the road and crunched over rotting ice , Loke kept looking at me with that familar tongue - lollling husky grin . Ice still held the cycle path in a fairly tight grip . It definitely made the big hill just before the bridge exciting . My front wheels sliding wildly as Loke hit 17 mph with joyful bounds . My eyes streamed with tears from the wind whistling around the lenses of my glasses in the 40 F temperature air . The new ultra - heavy thermals were doing a great job . Just 2 layers and my legs were perfectly fine . If anything was cold , it was my face . I barely felt the bad rolling resistance of the chubby 1 . 75 ″ x 20 ″ , nobbly AND studded rear tire even the rare moments Loke gave me a little slack on the flats . Birds called here and there as the sun streamed down from a nearly perfectly clear sky . Before mile 2 , I decided we were doing the Ulva / Gamla Uppsala Loop as our first trip of the year . The 13 mile version since I knew the grave mound section would be impassable . When we made the right turn to cross the 272 , Loke went almost as crazy as when we 'd first started . Fortunately , the pavement was clear so the brakes could hold against his kangaroo hopping . Of course , then we had to tackle the 8 % slope right at the start of Gamla Börjevägen . The furry one was pulling so hard , he could barely breathe , but I wasn 't willing to risk blowing a knee out . On the other side , he hit his fastest speed of the year . Almost 19 mph . A bunch of kaya ( small crow - like birds ) gathered along the road side helped spur him . He even managed a few bounding jumps as if he could actually catch them as they scattered before us . He was a dog in the throes of joy and couldn 't be bothered with paltry things like a drink of water at mile 3 where I stopped to finally pull on my yellow windbreaker . The wind out in the country side was crazy … and cold ! It was around then , I noticed a minor problem . Splatter . The melting snow along the road way was full of dirt and grime , turning Loke 's legs and belly black and drenching everything on the right side of my trike . That included the camera bag . Fortunately , it has a rain cover and I quickly wrestled it in place before the water soaked through . It wasn 't helping the arm of my wind - breaker OR my panniers though . I 've ridden in some truly wet situations , but nothing had caused this much flying mud and wet as this snow - melt . I stopped to double check nothing was going to get ruined before making the turn toward Ulva . The fur dispenser really pushed me on this ride , but I didn 't mind . I was even rather proud of myself when on a 1 % uphill grade against a wind probably hitting nearly 20 mph with higher gusts with that hideous rear tire , I hit and maintained 16 mph for over a mile . Loke loved that . Especially since we were coming up to the house with all the cats . I just know he was hoping to find a few and watch them scatter . Of course , then he kept impressing me by holding a 15 mph average for almost 2 miles when we made the turn back toward the 272 . He even gave me an irritated look when I dared stop for a water break and to take pictures . I didn 't stop at Ulva , which came as quite a disappointment to Loke . I 'm not even sure the cafe is open even if the courtyard hadn 't been choked with ice and snow . Shaded by the buildings , it wasn 't melting very quickly and I wasn 't going to risk bike parts to hard , rutted ice . It was along this section the rear tire showed its worth . The steep slope up just over the mill - race bridge was a combination of slick ice with touches of gravel here and there . Even when knobs and studs , it slipped some and Loke threw his weight into the harness to help . Around mile 9 , the burn was starting in my thighs . Last year , I was feeling it around mile 3 on a 5 mile loop , so it was an improvement over last year . Loke 's pace held good and his feet looked fine from what I could tell , so I wasn 't willing to call Jens . If I could keep the pedals turning , I was determined to make the full route . Gamla Uppsala came and went in a blur as I focused everything into moving forward . The muscle just above the knee to mid - thigh burned with the lactic acid . Oddly , the cold which had left my feet untouched for some 10 miles began to bite hard into my toes . I didn 't want to stop to dig out my neoprene shoe - covers as I wasn 't certain I could get my legs moving again . It was probably a fair assessment as it proved very difficult to push on the pedals from a standstill when I had to stop for a light . The last mile turned into quite a challenge . Ice lay thick on the cycle / sidewalk , rotting and crunching beneath tires and paws to bog us down . Then there was the idiot who decided the sidewalk right up against the traffic light was a perfect place to park while he ran into the bakery . I had to get off the trike , unhitch Loke and try to wrestle the trike between car and building . A woman came along and helped me out . She bravely held onto the mudball my dog had turned into inspite of her beautiful long coat of tan wool . After that , it was a just a slow grind of less than a half mile through the lake the cyclepath had turned into . With snow walls to either side , there 's no place for the melt water to go . The result is a half mile long puddle some 3 inches deep . I 'll admit , getting up the stairs was a challenge , but with my husband home , at least I didn 't have to wrestle the trike in . As for Loke ? He just gave me a baffled look while waiting for me at the landing . During the evening , he seemed slightly calmer than usual , but not nearly as tired as I thought he should be after over 13 miles for the first time since … October , I think . Maybe the dozen or so times he went jumping through 3 ′ feet of snow while we walked with snow - shoes kept him in good condition ? Who knows , but I think he could do 20 miles already . Me ? Not likely for 3 or 4 more rides at least . * chuckle *
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Tags # attraction , # SOCIAL , Character , Gentleman , Handkerchief , Mfantsipim , Mfantsipim School , MOBA , Personality , Rules , School rules , Traditions Yesterday I was with a friend whose nieces were refusing to take simple instructions . According to her 4 - year - old niece , my friend had misquoted " the seventh rule " and therefore she ( 4 - year - old niece ) was right to disregard the command so to speak . Later I wondered how many rules the little girl had had to memorise to be able to say that her aunt had them mixed up . Every institution has a set of rules or code of conduct that determines how its members are required to carry themselves . At Mfantsipim School , you could not ask anyone what the second rule said . Forget Rule Books ! I suppose there was a rule book on the Hill . Personally , I do not recall being given or reading anything of the sort . To me and many other old boys , there was only one rule on the Kwabotwe Hill : All the siesta , inspection , lights - out and more " rules " were covered by this single sentence above . It is the entire embodiment of all the rules . In addition to " the school rules " above , there were several other traditions that prevailed on the Hill . Take for instance the " Shooter " tradition . The Shooter tradition saw its adherers live strictly by the book in the hopes of becoming a prefect someday . One of its main features was well - ironed clothing . It was rumoured that the lines in an Assistant Headboy Domestics ' trousers should be able to pass for a bread knife . There was also the " stepping " tradition , " Compe " tradition and the senior boys ' favourite " Live your life like Jesus " tradition . Don 't ask me what those are . Do some research . One tradition resonated and stuck with me and I find myself a practitioner of said tradition even now . I like to call it the " two handkerchief " tradition . Its dictates were simple : you were required to carry two handkerchiefs on you at all times . It was the first thing a senior would ask you for if he was looking to get you on charges of having breached a rule . Before Mfantsipim school , I was already used to always having a handkerchief on me but two handkerchiefs ? Why did I need two handkerchiefs ? I asked myself back then . I decided I would always carry two to fulfill the requirement but use only one . Just carrying two handkerchiefs wasn 't quite enough by the way ; they had to be neatly ironed . Carrying an unironed or unkempt handkerchiefs constituted a breech of common sense and we both know what that is : A breech of school rules . We all agree that there are certain days the sun decides to burn really hot . On such days I am happy to have two handkerchiefs on me . When one handkerchief gets wet I can easily switch to another without having to sweat it , literally . It can be really frustrating to have to wipe off your sweaty face with an already wet handkerchief ; it is very uncomfortable . Two handkerchiefs keep you dry longer than you would ordinarily be on an extremely hot and sweaty day . At one point in time or the other , we have all had the displeasure of sitting next to that trotro passenger with a running nose . More often than not we wished to magically disappear from our seats or had our noses stuck out the bus in the event that we sat next to a window ; we didn 't want any contact whatsoever with his germs . I encountered one such guy the other day . Fortunately , he had a handkerchief when he had to blow his nose . " Whew ! I got saved on this one " , I thought to myself . Imagine my surprise a few minutes later when I saw him use the same handkerchief to wipe sweat off his face . I immediately felt nauseous . Why anyone would do such a disgusting thing to himself beats me . If I were him - or perhaps if he were me I should say - he would use one for his face and the other for his nose . Having two handkerchiefs on you helps you stay sanitary all day long . On more than one occasion I have had to offer my handkerchief to a lady who was either sweaty or had spilled something on her dress and surprisingly had no tissue in her bag . It is usually advised that you stay clear of a female 's handbag , reason being that the female handbag is equipped with anything and everything ranging from what you can imagine to what you cannot even imagine . Shocking that there wasn 't tissue in there . One such lady protested , " What will you use if I take yours ? " . I only reached in my pocket and brought out another . Having two handkerchiefs on you could easily score you some points with that lady you have been checking out . I have won the admiration of many because I carry two handkerchiefs with me at all times . The mere fact that I have not one but two neatly ironed handkerchiefs on me alone has people looking at me with awe . Some guys in church approached me the other day . " Why do you have two handkerchiefs everyday ? " As it turns out , they had been watching me for a while and had realised that every time I reached in my pocket for my handkerchief , I would bring out two and neatly tuck one away . I told them it was the gentlemanly thing to do and today the tradition goes on . I see some of them carry two handkerchiefs every other Sunday . Tags # Ghana , # SOCIAL , Accident , Attitude , Bridge , Character , Death , dressing , Eyelashes , Hawkers , Highlighter , Insults , Kaneshie , Lipsticks , Make - Up , Make - up brushes , Makeup , Market , Market women , Opinions , Paint , Personality I was walking through the Kaneshie Market the other day when out of nowhere , I was bumped into by a certain woman . She had stepped on my favourite pair of brown leather sandals but couldn 't be bothered to stop , how much more apologise . She rudely shoved me and kept going . I would have landed on the wares of a hawker if it hadn 't been for my incredible balance and a certain bulky woman who was in my way . ( Mostly the woman ) . That was when I first saw it ; what looked like the scribbling a two - year old would do when he or she mistakenly gets hold of some crayons . I don 't want to exaggerate ; the hawker looked like she had slipped and fell face - down in a pile of paint . I immediately looked away for fear of being verbally assaulted . ( All this happened in less than 5 seconds ) . Again , at the foot of the bridge , there was something I couldn 't miss even if I was trying . I saw a hawker who was selling lipsticks . I wasn 't sure what colour her eyelids were but that wasn 't as disturbing as the deep blue colour that had engulfed her lips round about . " Well , she is just a seller of lipsticks " I rationalised as I passed her by and proceeded to climb the bridge . I started seeing all sorts of shabbily dressed , ill made - up hawkers all over the bridge . Yet all this didn 't prepare me for what was to come . For the benefit of those who have never been to Kaneshie , there is a very busy dual - carriage road that passes through the market . The safest way to the other side is via one of the two overhead bridges . The bridges are placed strategically at both ends of the market ; a bigger bridge at the busier part of the market and then a smaller one at the other end - about a 100 metres away - . The hooligans would much rather cross the street and climb over the miniature wall to get to the other side . ( Occasionally one or two of them fall off the wall and into the busy dual - carriage road ) . The wall only became necessary as a measure to curb the hazardous way of crossing to the other side but it hasn 't quite solved the problem . I was using the bigger bridge on the day . Right before I started descending the bridge stood the chubby inspiration for the piece you 're now reading . She appeared to have a more assorted pan of goodies : lipsticks , face powder , make - up brushes , foam , eyelashes I suppose and some other things ( I don 't know what to call them yet ) I found her marketing strategy rather fascinating though . Remember how I said the other woman might have fallen into some paint ? Well , this " lady " probably owned the paint company . Her face was as bright as the rainbow ; her left eyelid was brown , the right was blue . Her left cheek appeared a tad browner than the right . The stuff on her forehead and nose seemed to highlight them . ( Not that it had any effect ; she was colours all over ) . Don 't even get me started on her yellow lipstick and extended eyelashes . As if all these weren 't enough , it was a hot 30 degree Celsius that day ; her chubby self was wet all over and as a result , she was literally dripping with colours . Ladies , WE BEG YOU ! If you insist on wearing make - up then by all means learn how to apply it . It 's supposed to " enhance " beauty I 'm told . If you can 't quite handle it , there is what we call today Make - up Artistes . The thing about make - up is it makes the wearer look and feel more beautiful . You may be feeling yourself but you 'd be surprised to find out everyone thinks otherwise . Whenever my little sister is doing something naughty or doesn 't want to go to school , mummy just has to call me and it is sorted . She just needs to hear my voice and she will come running . It is not because I beat her a lot . I can even say I 'm her favourite big brother . lol . She is always in my room ! I can 't get rid of her ( I 've tried ) . She wants to follow me whenever I leave the house . I have decided however , that she won 't follow me the provision store any longer . " Ostwin , I want this " , " I want that " " and this " she says , as she picks stuff off the shelves . " You can only have one " I say . In fact , I have beaten her just once but she 'll never forget it though . I cannot remember exactly what she did but I chided her . If I recall clearly after that she threw her slippers at me . I picked it up and smacked her with it . Never again . I overheard mummy tell her she 's really lucky because I don 't beat kids anymore . She really is lucky ! 🙂 Halfway through 2015 , one of my dogs died a little over a year after oldboy passed . It was the only foreign breed I had so I set out immediately to replace it just for the bass it had in its bark . It was a lazy dog though . It was always the last dog to bark whenever someone came around but whenever it did bark whoever you were , * you have to " make steady " * In August , I got a hybrid , a Doberman - Rottweiler mix . It has a dominant Doberman outlook but the aggression of the Rottweiler . This is where my disciplinarian status took shape . For those who haven 't had to raise a dog you wouldn 't understand how much of a handful they can be . You 'll wake up to a daily dose of dog poop everywhere . Look , there is only one way to teach a dog not to poop in the front of the house . STICK ITS NOSE IN THE POOP ! It might do it again a meter or so away but never the same spot ! So this went on a while , whenever I woke up in the morning , I 'd grab the dog before I headed out front , stick his nose in it and let him loose . I was the one who 'd kick him for removing my stuff off the drying lines . ( I never assigned him the task ) I was also the one who had to put him in the cage . They hate the cage . A LOT ! They can whine all day and night if that 's what it takes to get you to let them out . It worked almost every time too . They made so much noise I would get annoyed and let them out . So I was always " punishing them " yet I wasn 't the one feeding them at the time . So the moment I step out they all get lost ! This is how I know that my dogs knew me as the disciplinarian . There are two kitchens in my house . For the sake of clarity let 's call them the " inner kitchen " and the " outer kitchen " . In addition to the kitchen in the house there 's an adjoining kitchen made mostly from the square metallic pipes used for " burglar proofs " in most Ghanaian homes today . Mummy prefers to cook in the outer kitchen , ( fresh air and all ) and she mostly leaves the door of the outer kitchen open . That day she was sitting outside , at the entrance of the outer kitchen , with the dogs all over her and I was inside the outer kitchen going about my business . She got up to go inside and I was shocked by what happened afterwards . I am not exaggerating ! I lifted my head as she entered the outer kitchen and vanished through the doors into the inner kitchen . All three dogs , walked to the entrance of the outer kitchen , raised their heads as if to look at me and immediately turned around and walked right out ! They feared me but I didn 't care . Early December 2015 , I told mummy I was going to get another foreign breed ( female this time ) so that I would get rid of the local dogs when it was old enough to make some puppies . " How are you going to get rid of them ? " , she asked me . Well , being Ghanaian myself too I asked her a question . " Have you forgotten there are people at Ashaiman who eat them ? " . So we got another puppy , a hybrid with a long lineage ; its mother was German Shepherd and Rottweiler and its father was German Shepherd and Boerboel . Both with the dominant features of the German Shepherd though . I can call them mother and father , can 't I ? lol . DON ' T JUDGE MY DOG ' S HERITAGE THOUGH ; YOU ARE MOST LIKELY NO DIFFERENT . Your mother is born of Ivorian and Nzema parents and your father is born of Ewe and Togolese parents yet we still call you Ghanaian . Mmmtchew . This creature is stealing my disciplinarian status . She follows me everywhere I go and still doesn 't understand all the commands . Yes , I teach all my dogs a bunch of little commands . Tags # Ghana , # POLITICAL , # SOCIAL , Attitude , Character , Homes , Men , SOCIETY , Streets , Urinal , Waste , Waste Disposal , women I like to think of myself as a lover of dogs . I pat their heads , comb through their hair with my hands and sometimes even allow them to stand on their hind feet put their forefeet in my palms for support . That was of course before the only foreign breed out of three dogs we have at home grew up . The beast is not only scary but TOO HEAVY . ( Don 't wait to find out what breed it is , I don 't even know ) Despite my love for dogs there 's this one thing I hate about them . They won 't stop peeing on anything and everything . They will pee on the car tyres the second you park , they will pee on trees , they will pee on the lawn . When you open the gate , they will run to the gate , pee on it and run over to the neighbour 's just to pee again and come back . Its like they have an everlasting tank of pee ready to pour out of and at any time of day . It is however surprising that some humans have the very same tendencies . Some men pause by the sides of any building and bring out their weenies and start peeing . And the women are doing it too . I remember one night on my way back home from some rounds in town , I happened on a woman taking a leak in the middle of the dirt road pants - down . I just had to dim my headlamps to avoid the gory details . Tags # attraction , # Ghana , # love , # SOCIAL , Attitude , Character , communication , faith , friendship , Girls , Humans , Hypocrisy , interpersonalrelationships , Man , Personality , spirituality , understand , understanding , university , woman , women Most people believe that " women are impossible to understand " . I wasn 't one of such people . If you have 7 sisters plus several aunties with whom you relate very well , you 're bound to learn a thing or two about how they think , act and / or react to certain situations . Before my third year in the university though , I hadn 't realised that I could " very easily " interact with girls until my colleague SOCIOSO Executive started calling me " ladies man " , reason being that the girls seemed to be comfortable around me . I won 't be talking about any girl in particular , but I will throw a couple of random " descriptions " ; of girls I have personally encountered as well as those I 've seen in the lives of some of my close friends . If you 're a female ( especially my friends ) and reading this , try and find yourself in the descriptions . I could very well be referring to you . Guys , do you know any such girls ? Let 's go : So ladies , dig in there ! Which of these descriptions best suits you ? If you don 't see yourself in any of the descriptions , please read it again . : - p Tags # attraction , # Beauty # Music # Love , # Ghana , # holiness # love # relationships , # love , # SOCIAL , Attitude , Character , communication , dressing , fashion , food , foodjoint , interpersonalrelationships , Man , Pickup , pickupline One time one of my uncles accused me of being " grandma 's favorite grandson " . His reason was this ; they had been home together all day but she ( grandma ) hadn 't bothered to cook . No , not till I arrived . " ' Oye nii ? meni obaa ye ? ' she asked and proceeded to the kitchen to cook " he narrated . I simply smiled and continued eating my food . I wasn 't going to let him spoil it for me . I am of this notion that Love is inextricably linked with food . If you do not share this view I suppose it is because your grandma never prepared food for you to eat . Anyway , I am not here to talk about my grandma 's many exploits as a chef of choice . This kind of food joint is very typical in Ghanaian society . They are scattered across the capital as well as regional capitals and big towns and cities in the country . They take the form of kiosks that are partially covered with mosquito nets and a square outlet of some sort in the front where the vendor can hand over food to her customers . In a few instances , the vendor has a long rectangular table almost the same length as the two benches it comes with , one on each side and if you 're lucky it is in an enclosed space . They also have all sorts of names ; " Chop Better " , " Auntie Salamatou Special Waakye " and the like The joint which I frequent every other day at work has no name . The woman works with a team of about five or so girls . One who dishes out food with her , two to serve dishes and to make sure the eating area is clean , one to wash dishes and maybe a couple more in the kitchen . She sells plain rice with stew , boiled yam with kontomire stew , ( also referred to as palava sauce ) , kokonte with palm - nut or groundnut soup and banku with okra stew . All these come with boiled eggs , fried fish , tuna , meat and more ; whichever you 'd like to have it . There was this girl at the stand when I arrived . She was skinny and dark and wore a slightly oversized straight dress . She smiled at me and politely asked me to go first . I didn 't know why but I did anyway . As I was placing my order , I saw a mechanic come up to her and ask her name . She said nothing ; she just stared at him . Then he went on to ask for her phone number bringing out his phone ; it needed a rubber band to keep its contents together . He received the scolding of his life . When the woman finished serving my dish , this same girl who was angered by the mechanic only seeking to know her name offered to carry my food to the table seeing as the girls who were supposed to take the food to the table were nowhere to be found . " It 's alright " I said , taking it myself . I wasn 't going to let any stranger near my food . I walked into the eating area to meet this grey - haired black man . I know how that sounds almost racist . It isn 't supposed to be . But this man was DARK ; he was almost the same colour as the black trousers I was wearing . It was the first time I had run into him at the joint but he appeared to be a regular , considering he knew all the girls by name . He was trying to pick up one of them as I walked in . She was all giggly till I walked in . He also went silent almost immediately . He was seated strategically so he could see everything and everyone that would come in through the door . I sat to his right . There was a guy sitting to my right ; Very well kept dreadlocks , jeans , V - necked Tee Shirt , and if I had to guess his shades were of the same quality as the Chinese replica of the iPhone 6 he was holding . He kept staring at this girl who was seated on the other side of the table . She was totally clad in denim . She wasn 't dressed in tight jeans as is typical of today 's Ghanaian girl . She appeared kind of tomboyish to me . It was as if she had borrowed her brother 's clothes . but who cares what I thought . " beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder " they say . Or does " beauty lie in the ice of the ' beer holder ' " I thought to myself as he staggered after her neglecting to finish his boiled yam . I didn 't think that would go well though . Before she took off , she had received a phone call . Her countenance changed the second she saw the number on the caller ID . " Yes , why are you calling me ? " she demanded angrily . " I am coming " she hung up , kissed her teeth and continued eating her food . I guess the dreadlocked guy missed all that or was probably confident about his chances . I hadn 't finished my meal so I wasn 't going to follow them to see how it went . The dark old man to my left hadn 't given up on the girls though . He tried again , this time on the girl who was supposed to be doing the dishes . " How are we spending the Easter " he asked . " y3 b3 k ) kwahu anaa ? " . She ignored the question and laughed . She whispered something to the other girl and they burst out laughing . The old man dipped his hand back in his bowl and continued eating his abete3 , which was cold by then . What caught my attention was the WIND that accompanied the rain . Then there was the LIGHTNING as well as his noisy SCARY twin THUNDER . . I 'm not talking about everyday wind . I mean WIND . The kind that made sure we slept in the dark yesterday ( as electric poles came tumbling down ) and a portion of our ceiling came off . Oh and just by the way the building was completed barely 3 months ago . I started to pray for Mercy . Hmmm . My mind was drawn to that story in Exodus 19 . Immediately , I grabbed my bible and read the story again . The Israelites , after being led by Moses out of Egypt into the wilderness of Sinai , had to go and meet God at the Mount of Sinai in order that the people of Israel would hear Him ( God ) speak . Just for God to come down and speak with His people , there had to be LIGHTNING , THUNDER and a THICK CLOUD on the mount . As if that wasn 't enough , the mount was SMOKING because the Lord descended on the mount in FIRE . And Bible says the smoke was as that of a furnace . And there was the long sounding trumpet that waxed louder and louder . . God had initially asked Moses to sanctify the people BOTH on the first and second days . He also commanded that the people wash their clothes . He even commanded that husbands do not go at their wives … . Eiii ! ! ! ! Today , we come into the church with all sorts of filth . We see church elders sleeping with young oblivious Christian sisters , we have choristers going to fornicate on Saturday night and yet showing up on Sunday morning and boldly mounting the stage in their short skirts to minister to God 's people , we have ushers / altar boys masturbating all night - through and then coming to hold around offering bags to receive the offerings of God 's holy people among all sorts of unspeakable things . We even hinder the presence of God from coming down because He ( God ) cannot be associated with anything unholy . Before 2008 , the currency of our beloved country was the CEDI . This we had had since our Osagyefo Dr . Kwame Nkrumah replaced the then British colonial currency with it . It so happened that in 2008 a re - denomination of the cedi was done but in order that Ghanaians become accustomed with the " new currency " , it would be in circulation vis - a - vis the " old currency " for 6months , in order to show distinction between the two for the said period of " dual - circulation " As for our political heads I don 't even know what they are thinking , but I can 't blame them much . Most of them are not economists … Even though mere knowledge in the English Language would have done the trick .
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I had my PhD viva nearly three years ago now , but it still reverberates in weird ways , even though I 've long since left academia . ( Quick description of how a PhD is examined in the UK , for those who want to know ) I wake up almost every day grateful for the fact that I never have to do another viva again . Some examiners will tell you before you get started that you 've passed , although they 're not technically supposed to ( Matthias ' external examiner wanted everything done by the book , so he left the room not knowing if he 'd passed or failed ) . Mine tried to tell me without saying so directly - they said something like , ' before we get started , we want to say that we do have some concerns , but you have nothing to worry about . Now let 's talk about your PhD , ' which helped a bit , but didn 't do much to make the experience any more pleasant . Some friends have told me they enjoyed their vivas , but to this day ( and I say this as someone who has had some pretty awful things happen to her ) , that viva remains the worst two hours of my entire life . A few weeks before it happened , I dreamt that the process would involve lying on a rooftop while two senior Celticist academics shot at me with sniper rifles , just to give you some indication of the state of my mind . . . Anyway , you get the idea . I passed , and although I couldn 't look at my PhD or my examiners ' reports for at least two months after the viva was over , the corrections themselves only took about a week of my time , and I got my PhD , graduated , and got on with a life outside academia . But because I still live in Cambridge , and still have a lot of friends within medieval studies , and because my former department is extremely sociable , I tend to come back from time to time to local conferences , free annual guest lectures , alumni events and so on . And because medieval studies is such a small world ( and Celtic Studies an even smaller world within it ) , I tend to run into my examiners when I least expect it . And , inevitably , I bumped into my internal examiner at a guest lecture Crossposts : http : / / dolorosa - 12 . livejournal . com / 234547 . html Slightly flippant title , wildly inaccurate characterisation of my reasons for doing these linkposts . Over here I am gearing up for a much needed long weekend , after one of those weeks that just seem to go on and on and on . Kate Elliott wrote a great post on ' Diversity Panels : Where Next ' . I would encourage you to read ( most of ) the links that follow , particularly the panel discussion at The Book Smugglers , which I included in a previous linkpost . Some ( unintentionally Australian - centric ) Hugos follow - up posts : Liz Barr of No Award livetweeted the Hugos . Galactic Suburbia did a podcast discussing the results . On a less awesome note ( in the sense of this needing to be said at all ) , Sumana Harihareswara responded to the use of the Hare Krishna chant in the Hugos ceremony in an extraordinarily open - hearted and giving way . A lot of people were sharing this ( old ) ' How to ( Effectively ) Show Support ' by Dahlia Adler . This part particularly resonated with me : There is a really big difference between being a person who only rages and a person who both rages and makes a real move for change . And maybe people don 't realize that . Maybe they don 't get how . But I 'm tired of seeing raging with no support counterbalance , and I 'm tired of people thinking raging is enough without backing it up in a meaningful way . I 'm tired of people not realizing how limiting the effects are when all you do is talk about who and what is doing things wrong and not who and what is doing things right . ( Incidentally , I think the first person I saw sharing the post was Bogi Takács , who very effectively shows support with regular roundups of # diversepoems and # diversestories recommendations . ) Aliette de Bodard has set up a review website , designed to host reviews of ' books we love , with a focus on things by women , people of colour , and other marginalised people ' . Here 's Sophia McDougall doing a podcast with Emma Newman . My poor , Romanitas - loving heart hurt when Sophia talked about one particular scene in Savage City involving the Pantheon . ( I know aCrossposts : http : / / dolorosa - 12 . livejournal . com / 216524 . html It 's not every day you get a PhD . It 's not every day you get a new sister . I was lucky and got both on the one day . 19th July is certainly going to be this year 's most memorable day ! My dad had been making vague noises all year about coming to Cambridge for my graduation , but I knew that his and my stepmother 's new baby was due on 29th July and it was probably not a good idea for him to be on the other side of the world . In any case , I was proved right - I was woken up by a text from my dad at about 1am on Saturday , informing me that the baby had been born early . Her name is Maud , and she is the youngest of five sisters , joining me , Miriam ( who has the same mother and father as me ) , Kitty and Nell ( who have a different mother to me and Miriam ) . People were joking on Facebook that my father is like a modern - day Mr Bennet ( from Pride and Prejudice ) or Tevye . I 'm just glad his economic future doesn 't depend on marrying us all off ! There is a range of twenty - nine years in our ages , and we 're all at such different stages of life : I 've just finished a PhD , Miriam finished an MA last year and is working for the public service , Kitty is going into high school next year , Nell is in the early stages of primary school and Maud is a newborn baby . Anyway , I managed to get back to sleep after being woken by Dad 's text , I woke up and it was my graduation day . My mother and Miriam had come to the UK specially to be here for this , and they and Matthias were my guests . Graduation in Cambridge is a rather strange affair : students all have to wear black and white clothing ( suits , black skirts and white blouses , or black dresses ) * and a combination of hood and gown which varies depending on the degree they are to receive , any Cambridge degrees they already hold , and their age . As I already held a Cambridge MPhil , I had to wear an MPhil gown and hood . Graduating students have to process from their colleges to the Senate House through the centre of town . I 'm lucky - my college is a two - minute walk from the Senate House - but it was a swCurrent Mood : accomplished This time five years ago , I was getting ready to go to my department 's annual garden party , over the moon because I had submitted my MPhil and was confident of passing , and of being accepted for a PhD place at Cambridge . Today , I 'm getting ready for the garden party , happy in the knowledge that my PhD corrections have been approved and that ( after I 've paid an extortionate amount for binding and submitted a hardbound copy to the Board of Graduate Studies ) I will be graduating in July as Dr Dolorosa ! These past five years have been a mixed bag . Some parts of being a PhD student were filled with joy , while others threw me into despair , self - doubt and fury . I am glad to have written it , and to have learnt what I learnt - about medieval Irish literature , and about myself . I am so grateful that it allowed me to meet a truly wonderful bunch of people , and to become part of several amazing international groups of friends . I met my partner because of my PhD . As a result of my PhD , I had the good fortune to meet several awe - inspiring older women who have acted as mentors for me in all sorts of ways . I can speak and read a good many more languages than I could five years ago ! My PhD gave so much . It took a lot from me , though . I don 't talk a lot about that very often , because ultimately I feel that I made the right decision . If nothing else , doing a PhD at Cambridge got me to where I wanted and needed to be , with the right people around me , and the opportunity to meet others who , although not much a part of my life right now , connected with me at the right time to help me become myself . I guess what I 'm trying to say is that my PhD allowed me to live . And while I never want to live through those years again ( some of them were just packed with so much living and so many emotions that they were exhausting ) , I am privileged and grateful to carry them with me . It appears that I didn 't write anything on LJ / Dreamwidth for the entire month of April . I 'm not sure exactly why that was , although I will say that I had Matthias ' family staying for two weeks , which made it very difficult to find a spare moment . His sister and her fiancé stayed with us for one week , and his parents were here for two weeks , although they stayed in their caravan in a camping site nearby . The fiancé had never been to Cambridge before , so we did a bit of sightseeing , including going up onto the roof of my college chapel , from where you can see the whole of Cambridge . To get there you have to climb this very claustrophobic , winding spiral staircase . It 's worth it when you get to the roof , though . Anyway , after they left , Matthias went to Aberystwyth for four days . He 's just started doing an MA in library and information studies there ( via distance learning ) , and you need to attend a week - long course there every year . The rest of the coursework is done by distance . I really , really dislike being home alone . I find it almost impossible to sleep and generally feel unsafe at night . I can cope with it when I live in an apartment building , or at least on the upper floor of a house , but our house is single - storey , which is just about the worst for me . But Matthias had a good time on his course , and met all the other people in his cohort , who all seem a very interesting bunch . They 're mostly in their 20s or 30s , and tend to have done at least a BA ( and in some cases an MA and PhD ) in some kind of humanities field and come to librarianship indirectly , like him . I 'm interested to see how he goes with the course , as I 'm keen to do it myself in a few years ' time ( once I 've recovered from the exhaustion of doing a PhD ! ) . On Friday , I went to London to hear Samantha Shannon ( author of The Bone Season , the first of a series of novels about a dystopian London where people have supernatural abilities ) in conversation with Andy Serkis and Jonathan Cavendish , whose film company has the rights to adapt the first book . ICurrent Mood : busy This weekend , the weather suddenly turned summery ( or at least what passes for summery in the south - east of England ) . I think I was more excited about the fact that I 'd be able to dry laundry in the courtyard instead of in the house than the fact that I would be able to ditch my winter clothes . I 've since done two loads of laundry , and I find the sight of sheets waving gently in the breeze oddly comforting . Yesterday I went with my friend and former sort - of - housemate J2 * to a buffet lunch at Pembroke College . It 's an annual event to which all the people who supervise ( i . e . provide the one - on - one tutorials that are the main part of the teaching method at Oxbridge ) students from Pembroke are invited . J2 invited me as her guest , and when we arrived we discovered that another friend of ours , M , had also been invited . The meal began with sparkling wine in what I think was the college 's senior combination room , and then we were treated to a three - course buffet in the hall . We sat next to a very bitter physicist who spent the whole meal complaining about how academia has changed in the past twenty years ( the short version : too much admin ) , and an interesting woman who taught Arabic language and Middle Eastern history . She bemoaned the fact that interest in her subject area only spikes when something terrible happens in the Arab and Islamic world . After the lunch , the three of us went to a pub that lets people take drinks outside into the park near the mill pond , and we sat on a wall , surrounded by hundreds of other people who clearly had the same idea . All in all , it was a really fabulous day . Today I 've just been lounging around at home . Matthias is working in one of his library jobs , but will be back in about an hour , at which point we 'll have a late lunch . This evening I 've got yoga , but other than that , I don 't plan on leaving the house . I 've been - rather decadently - drinking white wine in the sun and reading novels . At some point I 'll probably post some reviews of them , but for now , I plan to relax . I 'll leave you wCurrent Mood : peaceful I passed my viva ! I will have quite a few corrections to do , but I have basically cleared the final hurdle to becoming Dr Dolorosa ! I 'm sorry for neglecting people 's comments over the past couple of days - I will reply as soon as possible ( probably tomorrow ) . All my time until now has been tied up with revising . " THE SHOES " TIME TO DANCE " ( official video ) " ( Watch on YouTube ) It 's time to dance indeed . I 've been really busy lately , which is why I haven 't posted for ages and ages . I have two very good excuses , however : 1 . My PhD viva is in just a week . I 'm actually feeling quite calm about it , which surprises me , but I seem to have given myself the attitude that there is nothing I can do now to change how the viva goes - as the examiners already have my thesis and I can 't alter it - so I might as well not worry . I imagine I 'll be a nervous wreck next Monday , though . 2 . I have a new job ! It 's only temporary and part - time , but it is in another academic library in Cambridge , it 's a step up from my current library job * ( I 'm learning how to catalogue , and my job title is library assistant rather than library invigilator ) and it 's come along at a really good time , as I don 't get money from my PhD scholarship funding body any more and was really worried about what I was going to do for money . So far I 'm really liking it , although it 's very different to my other library job , and I 've had to cut back my hours there , which is sad as I really love working there . I have a bunch of links , although I must admit that some of them are very old and you 're likely to have encountered them already . These are more for personal reference so that I can find them again , and close some tabs on my laptop and iPad . The first , however , is a link to my latest post on my review blog . It 's mainly a review of Laini Taylor 's Daughter of Smoke and Bone , but also talks more broadly about the ( published and unpublished ) wish - fulfillment fantasies of teenage girls and whether such things are valuable or dangerous ( or both , or neither ) . As someone who wrote a story about her book boyfriend being in love with her idealised character , I have a lot of sympathy for teenage ( and not - so - teenage ) wish - fulfillment fantasies depicting their protagonists being pursued by a multitude of love interests . It 's a powerful trope for girls who may be feeling unlovable or simply baffled at how to have romantic relationships . However , this desire to be desired should Current Mood : pensive As you might have noticed , I 've been away from LJ / Dreamwidth for a while , and I apologise for that . However , I have the best excuse : I finished my PhD ! For six hours on Sunday night , Matthias proofread it ( a terrifying experience , considering the first thing he said to me upon opening the document was ' you need to change all your en dashes to em dashes , and all your hyphens to en dashes , ' causing me to wail and gnash my teeth ) . On Monday , I had to go into my college library to print it ( college charges 3p per page , whereas the English faculty library charges 4p , which is a considerable saving when you need to print two copies of a 306 - page document , plus a billion forms ) . This took several hours , and included a tense half - hour where the printer had a little tantrum . Then I went to get it soft - bound . I wandered into my favourite cafe in a bit of a deranged daze , and couldn 't resist telling the barista that I 'd finished my PhD . ( This is not entirely true . I still have to have the viva , and make corrections based on that , and resubmit the hard - bound , corrected version , but the hardest part is over . ) I waited until Tuesday to hand it in , as I wanted to do so on a day that Matthias had free so that we could go out for lunch afterwards . The woman at the Board of Graduate Studies office was a very friendly , motherly South African who congratulated me in such an over - the - top manner ( ' you 're going to be one of our future leaders ! ' ' Really , with a PhD on medieval Irish literature ? Really ? ' ) that I started to tear up . In fact , crying seemed to be the unifying theme of the whole experience . When I was writing a thank - you email to my supervisor I started crying . I cried when I had the printed , bound documents . I cried when I told my mother I was finished . I cried when bethankyou started an ' I 'm so proud of Ronni ' thread on Facebook . Because look . I feel overwhelmed with emotion . I started my PhD four years ago . It 's been hundreds of books and articles - in four languages , something of which I 'm very proud - pages and pages of tCurrent Mood : grateful Yesterday , Matthias and I made a flying visit to London . We 'd originally planned to go there for the whole day , but that was when we thought I 'd be finished my PhD by now . As it turns out , I 'm not finished ( though I 'm so close I can see the end of the tunnel ) , and thought it better to spend the morning working . We caught the train after lunch and were there by 3pm . One thing I love about living in Cambridge is how close it is to London ! Our original purpose in visiting was to see Matthias ' old PhD supervisor give a paper at the British Academy . The paper itself was excellent . Richard ( Matthias ' old supervisor ) is a very good speaker , and was able to pitch the content at exactly the right level so that the very senior experts in Old English , Middle English and other fields of medieval studies , and the enthusiastic members of the public would all be able to get something out of it . A lot of old friends of mine who have since graduated and gone on to work outside academia in London also showed up , and it was great to catch up with them over a glass of wine afterwards . Prior to the paper , we had a coffee in my favourite London cafe , and then wandered around Soho for a bit trying to figure out where we would eat dinner . I insisted on stopping off in Seven Dials and having my photo taken . It 's getting to the point where the entire city of London is crisscrossed with a network of Significant Sites That Feature in Ronni 's Favourite Works of Literature . ( Almost the first thing I did when I moved to the UK was visit the ruins of St Dunstan in the East , a place which features prominently in Sara Douglass ' Troy Game series . ) Seven Dials is where the criminal gang of clandestine clairvoyants are based in Samantha Shannon 's The Bone Season , which as you 'll recall is my latest literary obsession . So I made poor Matthias take my photo in Seven Dials . The Christmas lights were on , and it was almost dark , so it looked very pretty . ( A couple of photos behind the cut ) So , anyway , after that , we made it to the talk , which as I 've noteCurrent Mood : determined Troian Bellisario tweeted that they were shooting the Pretty Little Liars season finale for over thirteen hours . That 's dedication ! I hope it 's amazing . I had a useful and productive meeting with my supervisor yesterday . For the first time ever , I feel that the end is in sight for my PhD . It 's going to be such a massive relief . My supervisor and I also had a very frank discussion about what I planned to do once the thesis was finished . I was honest with her and said that although my current feelings about the PhD ( namely , frustration and anger ) were probably colouring my attitudes towards academia a bit , I 'd pretty much come to the conclusion that it was not for me . She had some helpful suggestions about what to do next , and some possible contacts that may be useful in the field in which I want to work , which was great . ( On a related note , I really admire my supervisor a lot . She 's been married to another academic for ages , and they only managed to live in the same country for the first time about four years ago . They have two kids who are trilingual . She 's well - respected in her field without having been drawn into any of the stupid disputes and bitchiness which sadly plague it . Most importantly , she is a really good communicator , which is actually not all that common among academics . She supervised me for my MPhil as well as my PhD , so I 've been working with her for five years , and she has always really impressed me with her ability to deliver constructive criticism that leaves you feeling inspired rather than crushed . She 's kind of my model for How To Adult . ) Last night , Matthias and I went to a Halloween party at our friend C 's house . Australians don 't really do Halloween , and I was surprised to discover that it was a thing in Britain , but in any case , C is from the US and hosts a party like this every year . This year , the idea was to spend as little money on costumes as possible , for which I am grateful . I had been really stumped for ideas , but in chat my sraffie friend Michael mentioned that the thing he alwayCurrent Mood : tired So far , it 's been an absolutely wonderful weekend . On Friday evening , Former Housemate D came up to Cambridge to give a seminar paper . She completed her PhD on skaldic poetry in my department in 2012 , and from February - April was working on a cultural engagement project that combined her postgraduate research interests with her other main interest , modern poetry . The project had two parts - the first was to provide a group of poets with translations and commentaries of medieval skaldic verse which they then used as a starting point for their own poems , the second involved creating packages of material that could be used to teach poets and other writers ( and school students and interested members of the public ) how to use kennings and other elements of skaldic verse in their own writing . It produced some very interesting results , including a fabulous series of poetry readings in April . So D 's seminar paper was basically summing up the results of the project . I really miss her . We lived together from June 2010 - August 2011 , which was her third year of her PhD and my second year , and probably the happiest period of my life . We both worked from home most of the time , and our productivity was severely hampered by the fact that we frequently stopped for tea breaks that would go on for hours . Matthias and I currently have a spare room free in our house , but have decided to forgo finding a housemate since there are very few people with whom we could bear to live . If D decided to return to Cambridge , however , we 'd offer her the room in a heartbeat , because she 's just that awesome . She 's now moved back to London , and I doubt she will move back here . I can 't really blame her . If I had the option to live in London , I would do it without a second thought . It 's a fantastic city . D 's seminar was followed by dinner in a nearby pub . I hadn 't really socialised with any of my friends for ages because I 'd been in thesis - writing hermit mode , so it was a fun night . I 'm out of the habit of hanging out with large groups , though , and found Current Mood : happy Last night I dreamt that my younger sister had written an entire PhD thesis in six months and just passed her viva . My mother 's response : ' See , it 's really easy . I don 't know what you 're complaining about . ' Term has started again . Inevitably , I 've caught a dreadful cold , despite not having gone anywhere besides my own house and the local shops in weeks . Yesterday I nearly lost my voice showing our new first - year undergrads around three different libraries . ( They pay you £ 38 per hour to do this . I wasn 't going to let a cold stop me . ) The thesis drags on . I 'm attempting to have the final draft done by the end of the week . Needless to say , it takes longer than six months to complete a PhD . So , I stayed away longer than I intended , but I have now submitted what I hope to be the penultimate draft of the first two chapters of my thesis to my supervisor ! That 's 40 , 000 words . I am very , very relieved . So I celebrated today by doing nothing but exercising . I went to a yoga class in the morning ( which was filled with little old ladies who were much more flexible than I am ) , and then a long run in the sunshine . I really cannot express how good all this exercise is for my mental health . I 'm not saying that you can cure depression and anxiety with a daily run , but it does help to keep the awfulness still and quiet for a little while . We have our annual student conference in our department . I helped organise it in my MPhil year , and I presented at it in the first year of my PhD , but ever since I 've just gone along for the fun of it . We 've got our friends J , L and C staying with us for the weekend . J is going to be presenting there . We 're going to spend tonight eating take - away and watching cheesy medieval films , and then head off to the conference in the morning . Our new house is very conveniently located - only fifteen minutes ' walk to the department , and very close to the college where the dinner will be . And then on Sunday Matthias and I are going to see Paloma Faith . One of my friends ( one of my group of friends from uni , who mainly studied maths or other sciences ) posted a link to an article about a study which found that the number of girls studying maths in the HSC ( the equivalent of the A Levels for students in NSW ; Australia doesn 't have a national education system ) has increased dramatically in the past decade . While I think there is a problem in encouraging girls and women to pursue study or careers in mathematical or scientific fields , and that mathematical literacy is pretty poor in the Australian adult population ( I used to work as a newspaper subeditor , so I have some first - hand experience of this ) , I 'm not sure exactly what the right way to go about fixing this is . Some of my friends were suggeCurrent Mood : pensive I 've had a marvellous morning sitting in the university library reading the PhD thesis of a friend of mine ( I 'm reading it because it 's relevant to my own research , not because she 's my friend ) , and this reminded me once again how much I love my subject matter . But it also got me thinking how devalued humanities research is by society at large , and how it 's incorrectly scorned as being frivolous or lacking in relevance to people 's lives . Now , sure , research on literary representations of the nexus of land , history and claims to power might not be cancer research or studying the effects of climate change . But there is a point to it all , and this point has relevance outside the ivory tower . I 'm talking , in particular , about the tendency of Irish texts in the eleventh and twelfth centuries to carry on endlessly about the names of things - specifically , place - names : the history behind a name , the political group whose identity is bound up in that history , the various claims to power that such names represent , and the increasing need to keep written records of such names and meanings in order to solidify these claims . What you tend to find are a number of texts expressing sentiments along these lines : ' And because of such - and - such an event , Place X became known as Place Y , and this is the name that will always be upon it . ' Along with this anxiety that place - names might change ( and displace the claims to authority that the original names represent ) , you also find authors using toponymic facts on the ground to justify their own contemporary political aims . Thus , in one of the poems about Temair ( Tara , in modern - day Co . Meath ) in Dindshenchas Érenn ( ' The Lore of Notable Places of Ireland ' , a sort of collection of stories about the names of prominent sites ) , you find the extraordinary claim that because there are multiple other sites named Temair , all of them are clearly satellites to the Temair in Meath . ( The name ' Temair ' probably originally meant something like ' high / prominent place ' , so it 's entirely normal that numerouCurrent Mood : nerdy It is unbelievably cold here . When I was running this morning , small flakes of snow were falling , although they melted when they hit the ground . Our house is very poorly insulated , and as a result I 've had to wear a hat , gloves and scarf while inside . ( I kid you not ) It 's absolutely breathtaking to run in such weather , even if I have to suffer icy - cold limbs and frequent nosebleeds as a result . On the weekend , I can sleep in slightly later and am able to run once the sun has risen , but during the week , I have to run before 8 o ' clock . This means that it 's dark when I set out , and by the time I 'm making my return back along the river , the sky is starting to turn a delicate mauve . The trees are bare , the grass is muddy and greenish - grey , and the river is dark and swollen . It 's an absolute joy to be outside in that landscape . I 've never enjoyed summer , although I do love swimming in the ocean , so I 'd say this is the perfect climate for me right now . Term starts next week , and I 'm going to be flat out . I 've set very strict deadlines with my supervisor , as I 'm determined to finish and submit my thesis within the next six months . Every week I 'm either giving her a chapter to look at , or meeting her to discuss that chapter . I 'm happy with how the current chapter is looking , but no doubt she 'll find things to criticise . I 'm also picking up three new students who need a couple of supervisions each ( supervisions are the Oxbridge system of teaching , whereby the student writes one essay per week on a prearranged subject and then meets to discuss the essay one - on - one with a supervisor , who is usually a postgrad student . In our department , first - and second - year undergrads take six subjects per year , and third - years take four , so they tend to be extremely busy with supervision essays ) , and I also have to give two lectures . The supervisions are generally easy , but writing lectures takes quite a bit of time . I also go back to work in the library this week , although I may not have as many shifts as last term . I 've added Kundalini yoCurrent Mood : happy Today is , for some reason , the birthday of about 10 people I know , but most importantly , it 's the birthday of my wonderful sister Mim . Word on the street is that she 's celebrating by going to a Radiohead concert , and I 'm as sorry as ever to be on the opposite side of the world as her . She 's had the most amazing year - getting a summer cadetship at a public service department , a cadetship that turned into a permanent , full - time job in Canberra , and finishing her Master 's degree ( she handed in her thesis a week or so ago ) . While we stay in touch as best we can , it 's no substitute for being in the same country , and I 'm really looking forward to seeing her in December . But anyway , happy birthday , Mim ! You are wonderful ! ( Life and mini - reviews behind the cut ) ( spoilers for Downton Abbey ) Life goes on in its up and downy manner . Today I edited half of my PhD chapter . This went relatively smoothly , although for some reason , after lunch I felt a wave of anxiety so profound that I ended up sitting on the floor , crying and sort of rocking back and forth . I managed to get a grip by going out for a long walk in the pouring rain . There are two paths that I could 've taken along the route I chose : a bike path that is higher up , paved with asphalt , or a dirt track along the river , muddy and marshy . I chose the river track , despite not having any gumboots . There 's something profoundly satisfying about trudging through the mud , being lashed by the wind and rain . But my point is this : I 'm not always in a position to go for a long walk when these waves of anxiety ( or depression , or , occasionally , rage ) hit . I 'm thinking of tracking these things by noting my levels of depression , anxiety and rage every day , but it struck me that these things fluctuate , and I should try to keep track of what is bringing them on . People who have any experience with doing this , do you tend to note your levels of these emotions multiple times in the day , or only once a day ? Sorry for the extremely long absence here . In the past three weeks I have beena ) moving house ; b ) applying for postdoc positions ; c ) attempting to finish my PhD ; and d ) reevaluating just about every aspect of my life , including my relationship with the internet . All of which means I simply haven 't been online . But I 've got a bit of time right now to catch my breath , and feel that an update is in order . So yeah , Matthias and I moved house . We 've moved out of the share house which has been in the hands of people from our department for the past three years , which he lived in from 2009 - 12 and I lived in from 2010 - 11 , into a small house on our own . You cannot believe how happy we are to finally be living on our own . Housemates can be great , but there 's only so many times you can clean their dishes before you start to get resentful . The move was made doubly difficult by the fact that the house has had numerous residents over the past three years , and of them only Matthias , D2 , J1 and I were responsible enough to get rid of all our stuff when we moved out . Our friend R kindly drove loads of rubbish to the tip - rubbish that did not belong to us . I 've moved house at least once every year since 2007 , and I 'm over it . These postdoc applications are massively stressful . Every one wants something slightly different - 2000 - word statement vs 1000 - word statement , 10 , 000 - word writing sample vs full draft of your PhD , three referees vs two and so on . It 's turned me into a somewhat deranged , hair - tearing , anxiety - ridden person , and it 's not going to be over for another two months at least . On the plus side , I get to write lots of lists of things and cross them out , which is oddly calming . This is the final year of my PhD . It needs to be finished by next ( northern ) summer , not only in case I get one of these postdocs , but also because my funding will run out then . I 'm in a position to be finished , but I realise this year is going to be rather stressful , and sleep may not be an option for a lot of the time . On top of the thesis work , I ' Current Mood : optimistic
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New Questions Answers . Most Discussed Viewed . Unanswered . Followups . Forums . Top agony aunts . About Us . Articles . Sitemap * o nonsense Aidan ( Male ) XML / RSS This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid . ORG . Newest answer was posted 12 August 2016 : I was particularly amused by a recent comment about my views . I was described as living in " the 1950s , " which I found highly amusing . But when I 'd had my chuckle , I got to thinking : what would it be like to be stuck in the 50s ? How does the . . . I hate cheating , but not as much as a failure to forgive This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid . ORG . Newest answer was posted 23 August 2015 : IT 's been the story that hasn 't gone away all week . Ashley Madison sent journalists in to a spin trying to access the 9 . 7 gb of data leaked on to the internet , trying to find any public figures who may be embroiled in the scandal . Suspicious spouses . . . Childless by choice : please stop judging us This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid . ORG . Newest answer was posted 6 July 2015 : This morning , as usual , I was perusing the questions on Dearcupid , when I stumbled across a question from a woman regarding her feelings about not wanting a child . Although I gave a comprehensive answer to the question , it touched a nerve with me , . . . On - line dating : my honest look This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid . ORG . Newest answer was posted 12 January 2014 : On - line dating : my honest look Those who read my column with any regularity will know there is considerable absence of references to my personal life . I am , for the most part , keen to concentrate on advising because , good advice is good no matte . . . Revenge is sweet : A Greek tragedy that I think will make you think twice about that . No replies yet . . . 9 March 2013 : REVENGE IS SWEET : A Greek tragedy that I think will make you think twice about that . Revenge , they say , is sweet . Well British people have , if they have been following the news , witnessed a very public case in point to prove that the reverse can . . . Nollaig na mBan : A day for the ladies This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid . ORG . Newest answer was posted 6 January 2013 : Nollaig na mBan : A day for the ladies You may or may not know that in Ireland , the date of 6 January is known as Women 's Christmas ( Nollaig na mBan ) . On this day , the tradition ( still strong in parts of the country ) is that men take responsibil . . . 1234567891011Next > I want to be strong for him at this time of terrible grief , but how ? Q . My boyfriends brother died suddenly last week and it has hit the whole family hard . I am trying so hard to be strong for my boyfriend but every time I 'm on my own I beak down in tears myself because I feel so sorry for him . He hasn 't spoke much . . . A . 24 June 2017 : Don 't feel bad about crying . You love this man and he 's hurting , and you 're hurting too . Sudden loss is a terrible thing . If he can 't talk at the moment , don 't push him . There are much more subtle ways you can show him strength : entertain the kids . . . ( read in full . . . ) My girlfriend wants to wait but I 'm frustratedQ . My girlfriend doesn 't want to have sex until she is married . She is a virgin . I am frustrated telling her how important sex is in relationship and how deeply emotionally we can be connected . She even used to give her ex bf liberty to have sex with . . . A . 24 June 2017 : If this is something she feels strongly about and isn 't prepared to change her mind , you can 't really resolve it . Either you accept her choice or you don 't . If you don 't , you 're not compatible . It 's unfortunate but this is pretty black and white I 'm . . . ( read in full . . . ) Is my ex girlfriend crazy and a hypocrite ? Q . My ex girlfriend broke up with me a few days ago . Literally the day after my bday actually . On my actual bday she was giving me the cold shoulder all day . She was more concerned with watching shows on her laptop then spending time with me . We were . . . A . 16 April 2017 : Good heavens ! A couple of months and the honeymoon phase has passed and already you 're angry and resentful about bills , money , jobs and how you do or don 't support each other ? It 's not supposed to be like this after a couple of months . You say her . . . ( read in full . . . ) My girlfriend 's casual sexual encounters are bothering meQ . My gfs sexual past has been bothering me more and more recently . When we first started going out she was my first , I have no sexual experience with any other women whatsoever . So when I found out she 'd slept with 8 other men , including one night . . . A . 16 April 2017 : IT 's a shame you didn 't find out more about her before getting serious , which I think is something you need to take away from this . I would say that you need to understand that people view sex in different ways . For some , separating sex from emotion . . . ( read in full . . . ) I waited 3 years to tell my LDR boyfriend that I have 2 children and now he 's unsure of how he feelsQ . I 've been in a 3 year long distance relationship with my boyfriend . I 'll admit I 've been wrong in never disclosing to him that I 've been married , divorced , and have two teenage children . I 'm also 42 yrs old while he 's only 33 yrs old . I 've trav . . . A . 16 April 2017 : I 'm not convinced that his major concern is what his friends and family think . I think he doesn 't know what he thinks and how he feels , and how can you blame him ? You say that you wanted to " be sure he is the one . " That 's fair enough , but how did . . . ( read in full . . . ) How do guys cope with knowing their Gf 's ex was well endowed ? Do girls miss it and just settle ? Q . Hello all , I have always struggled with intimate things as I would be worried about if my partner had been with very well endowed men . I know that statistically most guys will have to deal with that . But how do they ? It always seems like . . . A . 15 April 2017 : Men who fixate on the size of it forget one thing : a woman is a rational , thinking being with freedom to make choices of her own . If it was a problem , she could go out and find some - one with a bigger penis any time . If she chooses to remain with her . . . ( read in full . . . ) Can a relationship survive if there is no intellectual compatibility at all ? Q . So I 've been with my boyfriend for 7 months now , going on 8 . It was really good in the beginning but now it feels like things changed , at least for me . He 's one year younger than I am , and that didn 't seem like a problem at first because I th . . . A . 15 April 2017 : I think you probably know the answer to this question . You see a host of problems and that you both have nothing in common . You don 't stay because there is something about this relationship that you think makes it worth saving , but because you 're . . . ( read in full . . . ) Boyfriend 's excuse didn 't cut it with meQ . So my boyfriend of 9 months didn 't come to my sister 's wedding yesterday . I was annoyed to start when he said he couldn 't come a month before the wedding but when I heard his excuse I was more annoyed . I don 't get on well with my family and . . . A . 5 February 2017 : Well , though he did tell you he couldn 't come , I think that if you made it clear that it was going to be an occasion where you 'd really value some support , it was selfish of him not to try and move his birthday celebrations , assuming he did not . I . . . ( read in full . . . ) Boyfriend 's behaviour is so upsettingQ . My boyfriend is depressed lately , due to his abusive relationship with his father ( who is visiting for a few months ) . My boyfriend is really really depressed lately . He said he wants to get some space . I agreed , but have been going through hell . . . A . 5 February 2017 : Sorry but he needs to be made to face up to this : I sympathise entirely with his depression . IT is a horrible thing and that needs to be remembered . But if he knows that he has good spells , he should take responsibility for making sure those times . . . ( read in full . . . ) Help me sort out this tangle before it gets worseQ . I 'm in quite a difficult situation . My ex boyfriend was living on the streets recently . The battery on his phone had run out one night . He met this guy who was also living on the streets , and he borrowed the guy 's mobile phone to speak to me . Me and . . . A . 5 February 2017 : It is none of your ex 's business who you speak to or associate with . Make sure he knows that . As for meeting this guy , it 's up to you and you need to follow all the usual precautions when meeting a stranger : don 't give out your address , meet in a . . . ( read in full . . . ) What do I do ? How can she still want to be with someone who she is not sexually attracted to , nor IN love with ? Q . Apologies if I ramble but I have some much to get off my chest ? ? My Fiancée of nearly 14 years and the mother of my 2 beautiful daughters ( 11 and 6 ) had told me she loved me but is not IN love with me several years ago . We have also not had . . . A . 8 January 2017 : So , reading your question and your follow - up , things are now so bad that , on top of having no sex , even having a kiss with the person you 're supposed to love is making you feel paranoid . There 's saliva when kissing , that 's just how it is . I do agree . . . ( read in full . . . ) Do abusers set out to deliberately hurt the self esteem of another ? Q . Are there seriously people who will try to bring down a partners self esteem by making them feel bad about them self is making them feel too old for anyone else to want and not as attractive as other women ( or men ) etc . I ask because I 've rec . . . A . 1 January 2017 : Abusers are complex . Yes , they do undermine a person 's self - esteem and sap their confidence . This is part of their apparatus of control . A two - pronged approach of undermining a person to the point where they believe that they don 't deserve and won 't . . . ( read in full . . . ) Would you tolerate a man calling you extremely derogatory , filthy name during arguments ? Q . Would you talk with a man who calls you a c . . . . t during arguments ? He seems to think this is acceptable and rarely apologises . Even if he does , it happens again the very next time we argue . I 've had enough and my confidence is completely shot . . . . A . 1 January 2017 : No this isn 't normal . This isn 't what most men , or indeed most women , would find acceptable at all . These are particularly unpleasant names and vicious insults . If he genuinely doesn 't understand that they are hurtful and thinks he can just use them . . . ( read in full . . . ) Told him to forget it - he 's married . Now I 've change my mindQ . OK , an old acquaintance , we coincidentally met in a new town , and had sex for two nights . We spent the 3days hanging out together . We parted as we went back to our respective towns . He called me for a chat everyday , claiming that he missed me . O . . . A . 5 December 2016 : There hasn 't been a man in your life for a while , and it made you feel good ; that 's why you miss him . However , you were right to tell him to forget about it because he 's married , and he isn 't available . Think of the hurt this could cause his wife . . . . ( read in full . . . ) Is my boyfriend bored of me sexually , because he has suggested we use sex toys ? Q . Hello cupids . I am not sure where my boyfriend is coming from . I am afraid he is not as happy with me sexually as he once was . We have been together for close to 4 years . Our sex life has always been pretty amazing . I went ahead and booked a hot . . . A . 3 December 2016 : You are really overthinking this . It was only a suggestion . Like he said , he wants to please you and perhaps thought this might be a way to spice things up . IT wasn 't a criticism or a confession that he 's not content with your sex life as it is now . . . . ( read in full . . . ) Facing dental work and afraid I 'll have a nervous breakdown ! Q . This is going to be a very hard night for me . I have always been obsessed , literally obsessed with my teeth . Yet , cursed with bad genetics , so despite my taking care of my teeth I have had fillings and veneers since I was a teen . . . even earlier . I . . . A . 3 December 2016 : I agree with Aunt Honesty . I understand why you are upset , but I 'm afraid you have to put a brave face on it , at least until the implant is in place . You don 't have to go out of your way to smile if you feel really conscious about it . I really doubt . . . ( read in full . . . ) Is it possible to have borderline personality yet lack the urge to be a slut and cheater ? ? ? Q . I found out recently that I might have borderline personality disorder and dependent personality disorder . Ever since I been researching and trying to fix all the annoying parts these disorders have . . . And I keep coming to this question here , ho . . . A . 3 December 2016 : CindyCares has given you a very good answer . BPD is characterised , as far as I understand it , by extremes of emotions . Everything is all good or all bad ; a person is either the best friend in the world or the worst person imaginable . Such extremes . . . ( read in full . . . ) Am I right to feel a bit disappointed with him ? ? Q . Hi . . Over the last 3 months I got to know a guy online with whom - after meeting twice in person - I have been on an LDR ever since . We come from the same country . It seems that we 're into each other - at least considering the intensity of our . . . A . 26 November 2016 : Well , he made a commitment and didn 't fulfil it , and you could have done with the help . It 's understandable that you are disappointed , but I think you should just chalk it up to experience and forget about it . He is on anti - depression medication , so . . . ( read in full . . . ) How can I stop this destructive behavior ? Q . How can I get over the fear of being as ding up alone ( not married with children ) - this fear has lurked such insecurity that it had led me into the arms of men that are verbally abusive and self centered - I 've had one bf since I was 19 - 25 ( self . . . A . 26 November 2016 : There is no magic quick fix for loneliness , and no guarantees about how quickly you can cease to become single : it depends when you meet the right person . I would simply encourage you to give yourself as many distractions as you can : you ponder and . . . ( read in full . . . ) Boyfriend wants me to give another man oral sex . I am not happy with this ! Q . My boyfriend has been pressuring me into blowing another guy and I feel completely uncomfortable with the idea , I have told him this everytime he 's asked and now he brings it up in the middle of sex or while he 's dirty talking , I told him I 'd . . . A . 26 November 2016 : This isn 't good . Dougbcoll has explained very clearly why any man that valued you wouldn 't want this to happen or expect this of his girlfriend . But what is worse than the fact that he wants to share you around like this , is that he isn 't respecting . . . ( read in full . . . ) Should I take the medication my doctor prescribed ? I lost my parents and am depressed . Q . It 's a long time since I came on here , but in the past I have always been given good advice so here goes . 6 years ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer . A couple of operations and some treatment , and I got the all clear late last year . Dad had skin . . . A . 2 November 2016 : It does dismay me that the attitude of the medical profession so often seems to be to try and fix things with pills . If you have any reservations about taking them , I suggest you book another discussion with the doctor . You need to work through . . . ( read in full . . . ) I don 't feel comfortable with my boyfriend 's parentingQ . I have been dating a man with a 13 year old daughter for 5 months and feel ready to meet her . I thought I was anyway . He is still drying her after a shower on her back and her legs . She is going through puberty and has all the maturing parts of a . . . A . 28 October 2016 : No , not right . I agree that you should be telling him to set the boundaries . He can 't just wait for her to stop asking him , he 's got to make it clear what is and is not appropriate . I am assuming in all this that she doesn 't have any kind of . . . ( read in full . . . ) Will my financial dependance on my boyfriend become a problem ? Q . I am in a successful , long - term relationship with someone who I hope to marry . He has not proposed , but we have talked seriously about it . I currently live with my single mother . My biggest concern is that I have little formal education ( I . . . A . 22 October 2016 : You begin by saying that you 're in a " successful " relationship . To be successful , there needs to be mutual trust . If it 's going to work between you , you have to be willing to trust in what he says : if he says that he considers the household income . . . ( read in full . . . ) My girlfriend hooked up with my cousin years agoQ . My girlfriend and I 've been dating for a few months , I 'm bothered that I have sex with the same girl my cousin had . I know everyone has a past but he 's my family member , it 's weird ! She told me she had sex with him years ago in college . My cous . . . A . 21 October 2016 : If you really feel that you can 't be with her anymore , you 've answered your own question . IT 's a pity : it was before you met and she 's done nothing wrong . Your cousin didn 't lie but chose not to tell you something that , it seems , was dead and buried . . . ( read in full . . . ) Amazing connection vs . mind blowing sexQ . So , does one choose an amazing emotional connection with good sex and potential for a long term relationship ? Or does one choose the best sex he 's ever had in his entire life with no emotional connection ? But absolutely mind blowing sex ! I 've foun . . . A . 21 October 2016 : Either give up the sex buddy or call it quits with this girl . If that connection meant enough to you , you would give up your sex buddy . Temptation is a part of life . You sacrifice the chance with anyone else for some - one you 're in love with and . . . ( read in full . . . ) Is it wrong of me to be upset with the way my boyfriend treated me ? Q . Hello , I would like to seek your opinion on the following situation and please let me know if I over reacted . My plane had just landed home from a trip to visit my boyfriend . We had a wonderful visit and he couldn 't bear to see me leave . We had plan . . . A . 15 October 2016 : I think you were being a bit ridiculous actually . Why should you have been his priority ? You 'd been his priority throughout your wonderful visit , I assume . What do you want him to do : sit around moping ? He 'd said goodbye to you and he 'd gone out for . . . ( read in full . . . ) What do younger guys see in older women ? Q . Older woman , younger man . . . I am in my mid 40s . I met this guy 3 years ago when i was travelling in South East Asia . We flirted during one tour , and ended up having sex in his hotel later that day . He was really sweet and caring in bed , and then was . . . A . 15 October 2016 : It 's simple : everyone is attracted to different things . You take care of yourself , keep in shape and watch your figure : why wouldn 't a man find that attractive ? Also some men , much like the younger women , prefer the maturity and sophistication of an . . . ( read in full . . . ) Is he living out a porn fantasy ? Q . I 'm recently divorced . My ex - husband was my first and only partner until now . Our sex life was always kind of vanilla to tell the truth and his sexual drive was never equal to mine . Anyway , I 'm dating a younger man ( he 's 27 ) . We just started having . . . A . 15 October 2016 : Is contraception used ? Might he think this a way to avoid pregnancy ? What you describe is not uncommon : over the years on this site I 've heard quite a few stories of men doing this . Some actually go one better and ejaculate in their partner 's face . . . ( read in full . . . ) Am I forcing things ? Is my Dad right ? Q . Hello everyone and I 'm sorry for this post . This is a bit more personal than I 'm comfortable with so here it goes . . . A few of you may know ( or not ) , I 've been together with my girlfriend since January we met at University and she even spent the summ . . . A . 15 October 2016 : You 're thinking in an all or nothing way : you assume everything has to feel right and make sense or it doesn 't . True love , and life in general , are just not that simple . So what you need to do is to have some independence : try just going out with . . . ( read in full . . . ) I am worried about my the narcissist my sister is dating ! Q . He had an affair with my sister and he left his wife of nearly 30 years . His wife says he is very narcissistic and will destroy and cheat on her eventually ! ? Is she right . I can 't see it he is very loving and careing towards my sister and teats her . . . A . 15 October 2016 : It sounds like there are just too many people hurt and let down by him for this all to be the mere vengeful rantings of a betrayed and bitter ex . Unfortunately , though , whatever the truth is , your sister is in love with him and will have to figure . . . ( read in full . . . ) I told my chick friend who has kids that I won 't date women who have kids and she seems to have taken offense ? Q . A couple of months ago I moved to a bigger city along with my chick friend who has kids . We don 't live together but since we don 't know anybody in this town we occasionally hang out . We are both really close since we went through a big ordeal in our . . . A . 26 September 2016 : There are many reasons why some people choose not to date parents : some dislike kids , others are fine with them but don 't want the responsibility , some don 't want ex drama and still others want to share the incredible experience of becoming a . . . ( read in full . . . ) Lots of issues . . . Younger girlfriend , torrid past , immature , we 're not gelling sexually . . . What do I do ? Q . So I 'm 30 dating a 24 year old and I 'm finding it very difficult in a few ways . One that bothers me is how many guys and the caliber of guys she 's been with before me . Since we 've been dating she has told me some stories and it raised some red . . . A . 25 September 2016 : I can 't help feeling that the poor girl is condemned whatever she does . If she leaves you , you 'll say that you knew it all along . If she tells you that she wants to be with you and get serious , you don 't really believe her . Is it little wonder that . . . ( read in full . . . ) I 'm putting up a wall . Should I show some trust and let him know how I feel ? Q . I 'm having a really difficult time telling my best friend how I feel . Whenever I get unusually upset about something ( and I try and hold it in ) , but he always seems to know that something 's up and asks me about it . At first , I play it cool with a s . . . A . 25 September 2016 : Is it smart to put up a wall ? Well it 's only you that loses out . So you will go your separate ways , but there 's phone calls , video calling , texting and good old - fashioned travelling to visit . You don 't need to be around some - one these days to be . . . ( read in full . . . ) Is it possible that there actually isn 't anyone out there for you ? Q . Is it possible that there actually isn 't anyone out there for you ? I can 't imagine finding anyone who suits my needs , I rarely see anyone who I would like to date . There must come a time when you finally meet someone who is trustworthy and . . . A . 25 September 2016 : " There 's some - one out there for everyone . " IT 's a silly saying , because it encourages people to date with their absolute ideal in mind . I wonder if you 're doing just that . Where are you looking ? In certain spaces , such as online dating apps , the . . . ( read in full . . . ) He 's so ready to give up on our affair . What should I do ? He 's married , and he 's unjustly accused me of being unfaithfulQ . Hello everyone I need advice on something I 've Been messing around with this married man for about 2 years . I haven 't spoken to this man in 3 weeks over the labor day weekend I believe he seen me talking to another man an now he is acussing me o . . . A . 10 September 2016 : He doesn 't love you . Why do you think he 's still married ? It 's an affair and he 's using you . Maybe he 's accusing you of being unfaithful because he knows you 've already entered in to one affair with him . Alternatively it might just be a convenient . . . ( read in full . . . ) I dream of becoming a writer but need a push to take the next stepQ . I wrote an article for an international blog and i was commended on my work . I remained anonymous though ; and its still grossingba lot of views . I have always wanted to write but even with this i still dont believe i am a good writer even thou . . . A . 8 September 2016 : In an Internet and social media age , it 's as easy as the click of a few buttons to set up your own free blog : I have got one . Get writing and learn how to take advantage of platforms like Twitter to promote your work . This will serve as a body of . . . ( read in full . . . ) Was I in the wrong at all here ? Should I complain ? Should I leave a bad review ? Q . Hi all ! Some advice needed please . I 've been going to this beauty salon for almost 3 years and they have a very strict policy whereby if you give less than 24 hours notice to cancel your appointment , you are fully charged . I have no problem . . . A . 4 September 2016 : Go ahead , make your complaint and leave a bad review . If you are able to prove that you made contact with them and that this had been seen , they have no grounds whatsoever to demand the money from you . They have screwed up and should have the . . . ( read in full . . . ) I 'm stuck in a lie to 2 women . Now confused and missing my daughter . What should I do ? Q . Hi agony aunts , I have a problem and I 'm sorry if this is long . I was married to a girl who is from a different country - we met when she was studying . Fast Forward two years and I married to her . We had a child who is now 18 months but my wi . . . A . 4 September 2016 : Assuming you want to be with your girlfriend , why not just tell her the truth ? You have a wife with whom you have separated , but she is trying to blackmail you with your daughter as the weapon . I am sure your girlfriend will sympathise . She may . . . ( read in full . . . ) My partner has become evasive . I gave him his marching orders but he wanted to stay . It was too late ? Q . Recently my partner has been going to a new church but he is evasive about where this church is or what it is called . Previously we used to go to church together . Yesterday he went to a church party which was apparently for one hour in the afte . . . A . 4 September 2016 : Do you really need suggestions ? The guy shouts abuse at you and calls you the devil : he sounds mad , and I can 't help wondering if his church is mad too . You did the right thing by finishing with him . Now you need to completely ignore him . I wis . . . ( read in full . . . ) How do I seduce my female college professor ? Q . I honestly think this is fate . I 'm a college freshman , I was dreading my 4hr class with a professor I heard was tough and moody . I get to class and it 's this young beautiful short girl with big curly hair . I immediately raise my hand and tell her . . . A . 4 September 2016 : Sorry but really you need to grow up a bit . She is there to teach and your relationship is a professional one . You should know by your age what a silly crush is and to ignore it . To claim that this is fate is complete nonsense . Focus on the . . . ( read in full . . . ) * o nonsense Aidan 's friends
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When I was in college my grandmother passed away . Both of my parents were the younger children of older parents and so I never knew two of my grandparents and felt like I lost my other grandparents too early . Gissy was my father 's mother and she was a character . She always dressed in these brightly colored tracksuits with matching Keds . Her closet was FULL of Keds in every color - some she had dyed herself to match a particular outfit . Her arms would rattle and clang as her many bracelets and bangles would swing around as she spoke . And she would never be seen in public without lipstick on her lips . Her outward appearance reflected her inner joy . Gissy was so full of life and love . She adored spending time with family and friends and was always ready for a good party . When she got sick and was dying in the hospital it was hard for me to see that light slowly dim and her eyes reflect fear and sorrow instead of the love and warmth I had associated with my Gissy 's eyes . As the family was planning her funeral service , I was upset that they had chosen all hymns that I considered sad and funereal . These hymns didn 't represent Gissy 's joy and light , so I offered to sing and roped my sister and cousin into helping me . We sang For the Beauty of the Earth arranged by John Rutter . ( Here is a version of the song sung by a youth choir ) There have been a few times since that funeral service that this song has been sung by a choir for Sunday morning worship . This past Sunday was one of those times and I was immediately transported back to my grandmother 's funeral . I was hit with a mix of emotions that had nothing to do with the worship service I was sitting in and everything to do with my grief and joy in remembering Gissy . Music is powerful . I am sure that you , like me , have songs or hymns that can transport you through time . They can remind you of times of grief like funeral services or times of joy like your first dance . They can bring you back to the first concert you ever attended or those late nights singing lullabBailey Pruner How many of you have a New Year 's resolution ? In 2017 , are you planning to quit a bad habit ? Maybe you are adding something to your routine like exercise , organization , or a different diet . Some people find a great deal of hope in their New Year 's resolutions . They like having clear goals to work toward and a thought - out plan in front of them . For others is seems like making a New Year 's resolution is an exercise in futility as year after year they fail to reach their goals . This can be so disappointing and frustrating . It can lead to those people not just giving up on their plan for the year , but quitting the whole resolution process forever ! As for me - I am no good at New Year 's resolutions . There have been times in my life that I have had a goal in front of me like getting in shape , journaling more , trying to eat healthier . I always start out with enthusiasm and excitement , but somewhere along the way I lose momentum . This can be as true for a diet as it is for our spiritual life . We might start off the New Year with the goals of getting to church more , reading scripture daily , getting back into the habit of prayer , but somewhere along the way life interrupts our plans and we stumble . The good news is that God is there through it all . He is there when we have renewed our focus on him and his Word and he is there when our daily devotion slips further and further down the to - do list . If you want to keep your faith at the top of your list this year , here are some passages that might help you along your way ! And the one who was seated on the throne said , " See , I am making all things new . " lso he said , " Write this , for these words are trustworthy and true . " About a week before the election a colleague in ministry from another local Presbyterian church reached out to pastors in the area with an idea . She wanted to collaborate on a letter that would be published in a local paper the day after the election . This was to be a letter from members of the clergy that would preach hope and peace regardless of the election results . I wanted to share this letter with you all because I believe it holds an important message . If you are discouraged or upset by the results of this election , I encourage you to strive to love your neighbors and lift up your hearts in prayer . If you are encouraged and happy with the results of the election , I encourage you to strive to love your neighbors and lift up your hearts in prayer . Remember that each and every person you meet is a child of God first and foremost . That label and identity comes before all others and we are called to love all of God 's children . On November 9th , we awake to the results of an election that has bitterly divided our nation . t is tempting to proclaim winners and losers and to treat this election cycle like a sporting match where one party has emerged victorious at the expense of the other . But to do so would be a grave mistake . n the aftermath of such an election season we will all need to work diligently to repair the damage done . hose who founded this country believed that there is more that unites us than there is that divides us . he candidates who celebrate victory on election night must rise in the morning prepared to govern for the good of all people , including those who voted against them . o forget this is to forget the history of this great nation , to forget the ideals and the hope of government of the people , by the people , for the people . e are leaders of faith communities that , for centuries , have had many disagreements . nd yet , we believe that what is more important than those things that divide us are those things that bring us together . n that spirit , our prayer for our community and for our naComment There are about three reasons why I load my dog into the car to go somewhere . Bella , my 7 - year - old runt of a St . Bernard is terrible around other dogs so we don 't spend a lot of time going to dog parks or for long walks on forest trails . No , Bella 's car rides only happen if she needs to go to the groomer , the vet , or the dog sitter 's house . These are not everyday occurrences and yet , whenever we walk past my car she is ever hopeful that I will turn to open the door and let her hop in for a ride . Sometimes this can try my patience , but the other day when she walked over to the car door and sat perfectly still hoping her good behavior would make me open the door , I was reminded of a sermon I heard in seminary about Zechariah . Zechariah was a priest in the temple of the Lord . He came from a long line of priests and it was their duty to make sure the proper rituals and prayers were said in the temple . One day , he was chosen by lot to enter the sanctuary of the Lord to offer incense . This was a once in a lifetime experience for a priest ; some priests wait their entire careers to enter the sanctuary and are never chosen . The sanctuary was where the very presence of the Lord resided . It was a very special place that is set aside and holy . When it was Zechariah 's time to enter the sanctuary , he did everything he had trained to do , but then something he had not expected happened . . . Then there appeared to him an angel of the Lord , standing at the right side of the altar of incense . When Zechariah saw him , he was terrified ; and fear overwhelmed him . But the angel said to him , ' Do not be afraid , Zechariah ( Luke 1 : 11 - 13 ) The professor who was preaching on this text paused at this point and pointed out how odd this was . Zechariah 's life had been leading up to this moment and yet he was surprised . He was in the most holy of places where the presence of God dwelled and yet when an angel appeared he was terrified ! Far too often we fall into the same trap as Zechariah . We know the rituals . We take part in the traditions . We siComment This past Friday I had the privilege and honor of being a bridesmaid in my good friend Kaitie 's wedding . Kaitie and I have known each other since we were in elementary school . We met at AIM Club , which was the weekly kid 's club at our home church . We bonded during meals of mac and cheese and games of bombardment . We performed in the annual Christmas Eve Services and spring musicals . While other kids dreaded going to CCD , I was thrilled when Tuesday rolled around and I could go to AIM Club with my friends . Kaitie and I continued to be friends through the awkwardness of middle school and we even played field hockey and lacrosse together in high school . We managed to stay in touch through college and sometimes you can find Kaitie and her mother in the congregation when I preach at Thompson . On the morning of her wedding , Kaitie , her bridesmaids , and her mother piled into the car to head off to the salon . After a quick stop at Dunkin Donuts we arrived and began taking turns getting our hair and make - up done . When it was my turn , I sat in the chair and began the polite small talk that always takes place when you are sitting in a salon chair . My hairdresser , Carine , ask where I was from and what I did for a living . And this is always when that perfunctory small talk turns a bit awkward . " I am a pastor " , I replied . There is always a pause , always , as the person tries to process this information . Once she had , Carine shouted loudly to Kaitie , " She is a pastor , what are you doing to me ? ! Is this a prank or something ? " She was laughing as she said it . Next , Carine acted the way many do when they find out I am a pastor . She wondered aloud trying to think back and remember if she had said anything offensive , which she hadn 't . Then she proceeded to apologize if I had been offended , which I wasn 't . Then there was some silence before the questions began . There are always questions that people ask me once they find out that I am a pastor . She asked if I could be married , could I drink , was I paid , who paid me , what kiBailey Pruner One of the most complicated aspects of the Christian faith is the Trinity . Over the course of my Christian Education I have heard many attempts to explain how something can be three separate things and one thing at the same time . I was reminded of a wonderful way to look at the Trinity at a meeting last month when a woman seeking to join our presbytery and I wanted to share it with you all . She was asked a question about the trinity and answered by equating it to a holy dance . Imagine three persons in a circle , joined together by their hands . All are equal and all are moving together as one in a single dance with the same rhythm , with each following the same steps . This is not the picture of three people failing to communicate as they run around in different directions as they try to accomplish three different goals . Rather , this is the picture of three people working together to make something beautiful . That is the Trinity - Father , Son , and Holy Spirit , who have been dancing together since before time began and will continue to dance into eternity . Our God is alive in movement and activity and our God is always extending an invitation to us . You and I are invited to join in the dance , even in the midst of our imperfection and despite our failure to grasp the rhythm . We were not created to be spectators . The holy dance of the Trinity is not something for us to watch from our comfortable seats in the audience with our only contribution being polite applause . We are invited on stage to learn the steps , to follow their lead , and to bring about the same beauty and activity that has been moving since before the dawn of creation . Comment Landon James was born onFebruary 29 , 2016 at 10 : 29am . 8lb . 14oz . and 22in . long . He and his mom areboth doing well . There are a lot of feelings that come along when you are waiting for a baby to be born . For those of us who are stuck in the waiting room , the feelings go something like this ; excited , nervous , fearful , bored , hungry , tired , guilty about feeling tired - repeat . This is how it went as my mother and I sat in the maternity waiting room all day and all night . Around 2 : 00am a new feeling washed over us - envy . Up until that point we had been friendly with anyone who came into the waiting room . These people were in the same boat as us as they waited for their new family member and worried about the women they loved . We would share stories and updates along the way . We would congratulate them when they heard the good news . Once a few of these groups came and went , my mom and I admitted to each other that we were a little jealous of the those who had already had their baby and had the chance to hold them . But around 2 : 00am that slight feeling of jealousy boiled over into full - blown envy . Two people burst into the waiting room clearly in shock but also immensely happy . The man , who had just become a father for the third time , just kept repeating , " I can 't believe it , can you believe it ? A leap year baby , I can 't believe she already had him ! " The women , his mother , would answer , " I know , I know , it 's incredible ! " This went on for a while until more details came out that this man drove about 120 miles an hour to get here . His wife was in the building 4 minutes before she had her third child . They were incredibly close to having the baby in the hallway , but everything went fine . Meanwhile , my mother and I are sitting on a couch in the kind of haze that accompanies sitting in a waiting room 12 hours . Without speaking , we looked at each other and silently agreed that we would not be talking to these people . We would not celebrate with them , we would pretend to read or sleep until they were gone . OnBailey Pruner The season of Lent began today as we gathered together at the Anchor Presbyterian Church for an Ash Wednesday worship service . It is always a powerful reminder of how we are a broken people living in a world that admires wholeness , while God longs for us to recognize of our brokenness and our dependence on the grace and mercy God has to offer . Many people have a tradition of giving something up for the 40 days of Lent . The spiritual discipline of fasting has been practiced for millennia . The idea is that you find something in your life that you value , something that you use , eat , or do every single day . These are most likely the things in our lives that pull our attention away from God . By giving these things up , we refocus our attention on the one who deserves all we have to give . My Facebook Newsfeed has been alerting me to all those things my friends will be living without for the next 40 days . For some it 's a particular food , for others coffee , and some signed off of social media for Lent . Among all these , there was one post that caught my eye and I immediately knew that this would be my spiritual practice for this Lenten season and possibly many to come . Forty Days - Forth Items Wednesday , February 10 is the first day of Lent . I have a challenge for you ! Each day of Lent , remove one item from your closet that you no longer wear or need and put it into a trash bag . At the end of the forty days , donate these items to a place that can share them with someone who can really use them ! It is such a simple concept , but so powerful . We all could do with a little less stuff in our lives and there are many in our communities who need our excess desperately . So , for the next forty days I will be locating one item from my closet or around my home that will be given away . I plan on donating my items to Good Stuff Thrift , because this is what they have to say about their mission , vision , and motivation . Our Mission - Good Stuff Thrift 's mission is to operate the most efficient Thrift Stores possible so that we can pComment Today I had the privilege of attending a Women in Ministry get - together at the home of Ruth Santana Grace , the Executive Presbyter of the Presbytery of Philadelphia . Female clergy from all over the presbytery gathered together to drink coffee , eat bagels , and simply get to know each other . When I walked into Ruth 's home my first impression was - wow , it is loud in here . Apparently , when you place more than 30 women in a house the decibel level spikes . Who knew ? Beginning my called ministry in 2013 , I didn 't have to worry too much about the fact that I would be a woman in ministry . So many women had gone before me to break down the walls that were built to keep women out of the pulpit . Many of the women who gathered in Ruth 's home today owe a huge debt of gratitude to the hard work of those women . As a matter of fact , some of the women who gathered today were the ones who did that work . Someone asked me today , " So if I remember correctly , you are the first female pastor that Thompson has ever had , right ? " This is true . Out of the close to 30 pastors and associate pastors in TMPC 's history , I was the first woman to be ordained to the office of teaching elder . She continued up with a follow - up question , " How is that going ? How were you received ? " It took me a second to answer her . My knee - jerk reaction was , " fine " . Which is a very lame answer to just about any question . So I continued , " Honestly , the fact that I am a woman has not really been an issue for me , at least not one that I have noticed . " This is true . In my time at Thompson , I have never felt that the fact that I am a woman had , in some way , hampered my ministry . The power of this did not hit me until I began to write this post . How incredibly blessed am I that this is my response ? So many women , including my colleagues in ministry , battle to be heard , respected , treated fairly , etc . And here I am not giving it a second thought . Now , other things have been an issue in my ministry ; my age , my marital status , the fact that I do not have children , but that is a post for another day . I will praise you , Lord , with all my heart ; before the " gods " I will sing your praise . I will bow down toward your holy temple and will praise your name for your unfailing love and your faithfulness , . . . When I called , you answered me ; you greatly emboldened me . Today , I want take a moment to be thankful . To say thank you to the members and staff of Thompson who have welcomed me . To say thank you to the countless women who have gone before me in ministry , who paved the way , who inspired me , and who have dedicated their lives to the work of Christ . To thank God that he continues to call women and bless them with certain gifts so that they might be a blessing to others . Comment It 's the start of a new year , which means a blank slate and opportunity to change . Many people use the New Year to make goals and resolutions . Some want to quit bad habits , some want to make better choices , lose weight , spend more time with family , read more , travel more , etc . I wouldn 't say I made a resolution this year , but I am trying to get in better shape . The idea of hundreds of people looking at you in a dress as you walk down the aisle while a photographer captures that moment forever is a surprisingly affective motivator . And so before Christmas I joined a gym , which was new for me . When I was in high school and college I played team sports . I hated running , and still do . The gym was a confusing and off - putting place to me . That being said , I worked with a trainer and already feel much more comfortable in the gym . And yet , being a member of a gym , particularly in the month of January , is an excellent practice in humility . I went to the gym on Wednesday , January 6 around 6 : 00pm . I regretted my decision the moment I walked through the front door . There were people everywhere . Nearly every machine was in use . I actually felt claustrophobic . All the same , I hopped on the only open elliptical and observed the masses around me . I quickly realized that many of these people did not have a clue what they were doing . I actually saw one trainer walk by a women who was on her phone while riding a stationary bike , which was not even turned on . Once he was out of her line of sight , I saw a smirk creep across his face as he slowly shook his head . I imagine I had a very similar look on my face . A few days later I realized that was not fair of me . This woman left her warm house to come to the gym to try and reach her goals . Who am I to belittle that effort ? I am sure there are people at the gym who have much more experience with weight training than I do and would look at me with the same mix of amusement and exasperation . In Matthew 7 Jesus says , " ' Do not judge , so that you may not be judged . For with the judgment you mBailey Pruner During Stuart 's sermon on Sunday , he shared a Four - fold blessing . One of those blessings said , " May God bless you with foolishness ; enough foolishness to believe that you can make a difference in the world . " This is the kind of foolishness I tend to equate with first - year teachers . You know the ones who believe that they will inspire their students , topple corrupt and unfair practices , and fight for their students ' education and well - being . In college I minored in secondary education . One of the classes I took for that minor focused on the ways that teachers and education were portrayed in the media . When it was all said and done there were two predominate stereotypes of teachers . The first was the teacher as apathetic and detached . They were completely disconnected and ignorant of the world and the students could easily outsmart them and take over the class . The second was the teacher as the superhero . We watched clips from Dead Poet 's Society , To Sir , With Love , Stand and Deliver , and many more . These are all wonderful movies , but probably not the most accurate representation of our futures as educators . Yet , the professor surprised us all one day by saying , " I know you all think I am going to tell you it is a waste of time to strive to be like these ' superheroes ' , but I will not . It is my honest hope that each and every one of you works to be a Mr . Keating , but I will tell you this ; it is not going to be easy . It is not that these ' superheroes ' are complete fantasy , because you can inspire children and you can affect change , it just takes longer than a 90 minute film suggests . " She was right of course . It would be much easier to be an average teacher , but fools who work hard and pour their hearts into their students might just make a difference . This blessing of foolishness reminded me of Paul 's words to the Corinthians . For the message about the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing , but to us who are being saved it is the power of God . or it is written , ' I will destroy the wisdom of the wise , and the discernment of the discerning I will thwart . ' Where is the one who is wise ? here is the scribe ? here is the debater of this age ? as not God made foolish the wisdom of the world ? or since , in the wisdom of God , the world did not know God through wisdom , God decided , through the foolishness of our proclamation , to save those who believe . or Jews demand signs and Greeks desire wisdom , but we proclaim Christ crucified , a stumbling - block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles , but to those who are the called , both Jews and Greeks , Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God . or God 's foolishness is wiser than human wisdom , and God 's weakness is stronger than human strength . onsider your own call , brothers and sisters : not many of you were wise by human standards , not many were powerful , not many were of noble birth . ut God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise ; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong ; God chose what is low and despised in the world , things that are not , to reduce to nothing things that are , so that no one might boast in the presence of God . e is the source of your life in Christ Jesus , who became for us wisdom from God , and righteousness and sanctification and redemption , in order that , as it is written , ' Let the one who boasts , boast in the Lord . ' How do you know you don 't like it if you haven 't tried it ? I used to hate this question ! I imagine that I was not alone in my experience of hearing this refrain around my dinner table . I was a picky eater and , worse than that , I was stubborn too . I remember one night when my mother had made flounder for dinner . I hated flounder . The first time she made it , I had refused to eat it , but she said , " How do you know you don 't like it unless you have tried it ? " Reluctantly I tried it and confirmed for myself , and my mother , that I did not like it . So , when she served the same dish again , I knew I would not be eating it . My mother had different plans . She told me that this was dinner and that I needed to learn to eat foods I do not like because someday I would be a guest in someone 's home and they would serve a dish I did not care for and I would need to eat it to be polite . To be fair , my mother was right . Many times in my life I have been a guest in someone 's home and eaten food I did not like very much to be polite . For the past several years , I have intentionally been re - trying food that I did not like when I was younger . Strawberries , fish , certain veggies , and so on , because our sense of taste changes as we grow older . I am very glad I have re - tried more foods ; because there were so many delicious foods I have been missing out on . Then I looked , and I saw a hand stretched out to me . n it was a scroll , which he unrolled before me . n both sides of it were written words of lament and mourning and woe . nd he said to me , ' Son of man , eat what is before you , eat this scroll ; then go and speak to the people Israel ' … o I ate it , and it tasted as sweet as honey in my mouth . There was a time when the prophet Ezekiel was told by God to eat a scroll . Now this sounds strange enough , but to top it off , the scroll was covered front and back with lamentations too . I am sure Ezekiel did not want to eat that scroll . Eating a scroll covered in your people 's lament and woe , what could be worse ? But he ate the scroll and it was sweet . God 's Word does not always look appetizing . There are stories that we would like to eat around . There are passages we want to hide in our napkins . There are verses we have tried and we have no desire to try again ( like my mother 's flounder ) . But when we embrace the Word of God entirely , the creation of our beautiful world and the fall of humanity , the hymns of praise alongside the cries of lamentation , the beautiful birth of our Savior to the violent death on a cross , it will taste as sweet as honey . This past Sunday I had the opportunity to worship at Carmel Presbyterian Church where my fiancé and his family have worshipped for decades . As a pastor , it is always nice to be a visitor to another church 's worship service . You are so often called to lead in a worship service that you forget what it is like to simply gather and receive on a Sunday morning . Please don 't misunderstand , I love leading in worship , but every once and a while it 's nice to sit back and let others do the leading . This particular Sunday was doubly blessed for me . Not only did I get to worship with a new congregation , but I was also able to meet so many of the people who had watched my fiancé grow up in the church . I met his Sunday School teachers , choir director , and friends of the family who were all to ready to share a story about PJ as a child of the church . This got me thinking about all the people who have surrounded me on my journey and how important they were in my faith formation . Mark DeVries would call these people my ' Extended Christian Family , " An extended Christian family is a community of believers who affirm and encourage growth toward Christian maturity . " - Family - Based Youth MinistryThese extended family members can be Sunday School teachers , youth group leaders and advisors , but the extended family members who make the most impact tend to be the ones who notice and affirm a youth out of genuine interest rather than programmatic involvement . I remember many of my teachers and advisors begin important influencers when it came to my faith formation . But , it was those members of the congregation who would seek me out to have a conversation or who would affirm a gift in me without being directly involved in the programs who connected me to the broader life of the church . So many of my closest friends in middle school and high school were in my youth group . We were a very involved bunch . We sang in choirs , taught Sunday School and VBS , attended youth group , worship , and Bible Studies . A few of my friends have continuIf young people feel connected with the youth program , that 's excellent ! However , if we don 't take that seed and help it to grow and mature , it will wither and die just like a plant that has outgrown its clay pot and is not transplanted . Helping to connect and involve young people in the life of the church is not just the job of those running children and youth programs . Sure , we love to affirm the children and youth in our care and help them to find their way , but , as the African proverb says , it takes a village . I pray that we all might recognize our role as members of that village and members of the extended Christian family for the children and youth in our churches . Comment It feels like I have been going on mission trips for my entire life , but really it has only been since I was an excited and nervous 7th grader . When I was 13 , I embarked on my first mission trip experience to West Virginia with the youth group of my home church . After that trip , our annual mission trip was one of the most anticipated weeks of my year . The day we got back we would begin hounding our youth leader about next year 's location , we would fundraise throughout the year , we would try to convince our friends to come along with us , and my friends and I even had a tradition of going shopping the week before for all the essentials ( candy , playing cards , and more candy ) . My friends and I would always have a wonderful time meeting new people , working to make our host community a little bit better , and spending time singing songs and playing games in God 's name . I never wanted the tradition of going on a summer mission trip to end . My friends and I even talked about continuing to meet up to go on trips together when we were home for college . Unfortunately , that dream very became a reality . However , the leaders of my home church asked me one summer if I would like to be one of the leaders for that summer 's Junior High Mission Trip . I have to be honest ; I was a little hesitant . I loved going on mission trips as a student , but I wondered if I would have as much fun going as an adult leader . Nevertheless , I hesitantly and skeptically agreed to help them out . On that trip , something amazing happened . I got to see mission trips from another angle . These 6th - 8th graders had the same excitement and nervousness I had on my first trip . I listened as they told me about the projects on their work sites , which they were completing and the residents that they had met . I laughed with them as we played games and sang songs . But my favorite part of the experience was watching as their faith deepened and their relationship with Christ grew stronger before my very eyes . Annual mission trips continue to be one of the most anticBailey Pruner This past weekend , I was blessed to be a part of the ordination service for Christopher Miller . Chris and I met at Princeton Theological Seminary while participating in the choir . After seminary , I was called to Thompson Memorial Presbyterian Church and Chris was the intern there for two years . Chris was not only a wonderful colleague but also a true friend . Many friends , family , and colleague surrounded Chris on July 5 to celebrate with and pray for him as he began his ministry as a Teaching Elder in the Presbyterian Church USA . One of those friends was Rev . Brian Ellison who brought the Word of God for the people gathered . His sermon centered on this passage from Hebrews ; " Therefore , since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses , let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles . " Hebrews 12 : 1Rev . Ellison used a wonderful image that stuck with me from his sermon . He said that when he hears this passage , he imagines a stage where he is standing front and center with the spotlight on him . The audience can only see him , but as he looks to his right and to his left there are tons of people back stage and in the wings who have helped him , who are supporting him , who are there to feed him lines , or give a nod of encouragement . My favorite part of ordination services is the moment when deacons , elders , and pastors are called forward for the Laying on of Hands ; a prayer of blessing for the newly ordained individual . Right before this prayer during my own ordination service , Stephen Heinzel Nelson asked me to stand up and turn around to look at all the people who had come forward . And it was at that very moment that I began to tear up . I looked around at the faces of Sunday School teachers , youth group advisors , fellow pastors , members of multiple congregations , family , and friends who had walked with me on my journey . It was incredible ! Not everyone is blessed with a moment like this , but I want to remind everyone that no one is on the journey of faith alone . Each of us has a cBailey Pruner Coffee is important to me . I wouldn 't say it is the most important thing in my life , there are many things that out - rank it , but I would be lying if I said , " coffee wasn 't near the top . " I also know that I am not alone in this feeling . Many TV shows and movies feature main characters who take coffee very seriously and refuse to work without it . These characters reflect a reality in our own lives to which we can relate . Our society 's love of coffee , I 'm afraid to say , probably has less to do with enjoying and appreciating the beverage itself , but rather the draw is to the feeling of renewed energy brought on by caffeine . And why do we feel the need to rely so heavily on the limited effects of caffeine ? Simple , life is really busy . We are all so busy running errands , running businesses , running kids to and from places , running households , running , it feels at times , in circles . We live in an age when we have unlimited opportunities to connect , learn , to be entertained , to be distracted . How many of us have said to ourselves , " There are not enough hours in the day ! " With this ever - moving lifestyle , where can on find the time to stop and prayer , or listen to a sermon , or delve into God 's Word ? We rationalize by saying that God understands . God thinks family is important and would want me to focus on them . God believes in our vocations and so has called me to work hard on my career or my school work . Who in this day and age has any time for Sabbath rest ? The Gospel of Mark tells us , " The sabbath was made for humankind , and not humankind for the Sabbath . " Mark 2 : 27God created the heavens and the earth and all that is in them . Then God created humankind and only after that did God establish the Sabbath . The Sabbath was established with us in mind and we need the Sabbath . " The meaning of the Sabbath is to celebrate time rather than space . Six days a week we live under the tyranny of things in space ; on the Sabbath we try to become attuned to holiness in time . It is a day on which we are called upon toComment
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Posted on September 17 , 2015September 17 , 2015 by baileyshawley It 's been a little over a year since I walked away from my teaching career and started freelancing full time . I decided it 's high time to reflect on my so - called wrong turn . Fair warning : it 's a bit long . It 's a hell of a thing to wake up when you are 34 years old and still wonder what you want to be when you grow up . It 's an even scarier thing when you 're saddled with a gigantic mortgage , a self - employed husband , and two kids who are just now starting school with hefty tuition bills and to play organized ( read : who the hell knew it would be this expensive when they 're 3 and 6 ? ) sports . But , that 's exactly where I am . And , I 'm the one who put myself - and my family - here . I had done everything right . I worked hard , got good grades , became salutatorian , got into a great liberal arts college , got on staff at the college newspaper as a freshman , and quickly became assistant features editor . Then all hell broke loose when I decided to transfer to another great liberal arts college to continue with my English Literature degree but get my teaching certification on top of it . I blame the adorable , energetic , eager to learn inner - city kids I tutored when I tagged along to a church to profile the Black Student Union for the college newspaper . They made me fall in love with the idea of teaching , even though I had come from a family full of educators and did not in any way , shape , or form want to become one myself . So , I continued to do everything right after transferring . I commuted to save money , I increased my credit load in order to graduate on time , I became certified as a writing tutor , I did community service , I got a fantastic cooperating teacher and placement , and I graduated near the very top of my class again . I was hired as a middle school language arts teacher before I graduated , and I was writing curriculum before I knew it . I lived at home to save more money , got engaged , bought a fixer - upper , got married , got a dog , and had a great life . Until I realized I wasn 't so much in love with teaching as I was with the idea of teaching . The bureaucracy and politics were one thing , the outrageous behaviors of some of the students were another thing , and I was loving my job a whole lot less than I thought I should have been . The bright spots were the kids who loved to read , who wanted to learn from their quirky teacher , and who appreciated my structured and fast - paced classes . I had never failed at anything that I had worked so hard to achieve , and I was struggling with accepting the fact that even though I was excelling at teaching I didn 't love it . I had all of the mugs and shirts about changing lives and not knowing where my influence ended , but I just wasn 't feeling it like I thought I should have been . So , I decided to try again . I was hired by another school district and felt a new energy in a new building ( even though I missed my original colleagues dearly and still do to this day ) . I had a much better first year . I had kids whom I loved and who loved me , and it was a good feeling to be teaching sixteen year olds to appreciate Shakespeare and Poe . So , I thought maybe it was the switch to high school from middle school that I needed . And then the years went by and the faces changed and I kept looking at myself in the mirror , thinking that I could not do this for another 30 years . I wasn 't miserable . I loved my new colleagues . I loved my new school . I just didn 't love teaching . And , once again , I felt like a failure . My students were doing well and we had a great rapport and I was looked upon as a teacher leader , and yet , something didn 't feel quite right . Teaching is the hardest job in the world for so many reasons , and when you 're not sure it 's what you want to do for the rest of your life , you can 't do it justice . I changed roles in my school district , becoming a coach to fellow teachers , and loved it . I didn 't realize how much teaching had strapped me down . You live by the bell , you pee when you can , and you don 't speak to someone your own age for hours at a time . In my new role , I was treated more as a professional , I was asked questions about my teaching philosophy and instructional delivery , and I put my brand new Master 's degree to good use . I attended conferences and mingled and learned and grew professionally more than I ever had in seven years of teaching . But , I was seeing a stronger emphasis on testing and creating a set of skills students should learn rather than a robust curriculum that allowed them to explore and read and discuss freely . I was uncomfortable with pushing teachers to standardize so much . At the end of the year , the funding dried up , and I was back in the classroom . That was when I knew the end was near . I was giving higher - stakes tests to kids with each passing year . I was sitting in IEP meetings looking at sobbing fifteen - year - old students who weren 't going to be able to take a welding class if they didn 't pass the standardized state test . I was listening to administrators talk about data and results instead of kids and their needs . And , I was being told that we needed to be positive and not put out anything negative to the community while cheering on those blasted tests and their results . The tests were one thing ; putting on a happy face and shoving them at kids who needed something else was quite another . I knew I had to get out . I knew I could not continue to teach to a test not only in which I did not believe but which harms students . I had sleepless nights , panic attacks , and endless lists of pros and cons . How could I leave a salaried union job , a tiny yearly raise , benefits , and health insurance ? How could I start a job that doesn 't guarantee work , which in turn doesn 't guarantee pay ? How could I ask my husband to pay for our new health insurance plan ? How could I throw away a Master of Education plus 60 additional credits ? How could I walk away from 12 years of teaching ? The girl who never veered from the straight and narrow , the college kid who tutored in the writing center while carrying an overloaded course schedule , the student teacher who taught on her own for weeks while her cooperating teacher was out with pneumonia , the teacher who always did as she was told and whose students excelled , was going to do the unthinkable . I walked away . I took a leave of absence , started blogging and working as a freelance writer , and within two months had written a viral blog post in response to Campbell Brown 's attacks on public school teachers and unions . I was loving my new job , my new creative outlet , and the fact that I would not have to go back to school in August . There truly was no looking back when my newfound courage led me to write very openly and candidly about some local education issues . I was very honest and had some strong opinions . Teachers were supporting me . Parents were supporting me . My district did not . And , being censored by my district was the last straw . I always taught my students to speak the truth respectfully and to support their opinions with truth , facts , and solid evidence . I would have been a hypocrite if I didn 't do that myself . I resigned . Now , I am a freelance writer who barely has time to blog . I mostly write web content for various companies , but if you Google my name , you 'll only find my three blogs . I don 't have a by - line for my day job , but it pays the bills and I get to be home with our boys while I work . The problem is , my current position isn 't quite feeding my soul enough yet , either . I 'm not naïve . I know most people don 't spring out of bed , bound out the door , and sing happily on their way to work , but writing about electrical engineering and Big Data isn 't quite what I was looking for , either . So , why reflect on my sordid tale of being a lost 34 year old ? ( If you 're still reading , you 're a saint . ) I know I 'm not alone . Just in my small circle of friends , I don 't have enough fingers and toes to count everyone who wishes they had chosen a different professional life . So many of my college friends are not working in a field even remotely related to their degree . Tons of them aren 't working the jobs any of us had imagined : one is a veterinarian tech , one helps at a homeless shelter , one gives music lessons to teenagers , one works as a librarian in a small public library , and the list goes on and on . These are the brave ones who left their well paying professional jobs that match their degrees to do something else . They took a leap of faith before I did and served as my inspiration , but they 're almost all struggling to make ends meet because they chose to do the work that makes them happy rather than the work that makes them money . A noble cause , for sure , but we 've still got undergraduate school loans and graduate school loans and rent and mortgages and life weighing us down . Most of us are between the ages of 30 and 50 . Most of us don 't regret any choices we 've made because they 've led us to where we are now . I am a much better mother and writer because I was a teacher . I am a much better friend because of my teacher friends . But , when I scan LinkedIn profiles to do my day job , I 'm shocked to see that people in this age group have had what seems to be an average of at least eight different jobs . Where I come from , you go to college , get hired in your field , and hold that job until you retire . My parents still freak out about the choice I made more than a year ago . Where I come from , you just don 't do what I did . Maybe this is what we need to be talking about more often . Maybe we need to figure out a way to help people struggling to make the decision to leave a profession or stick with it so they don 't put themselves through the wringer like I did . Maybe we need to help high school and college students with internships and job shadowing and work experiences before pushing them to make life decisions at the tender age of 18 ( instead of shoving standardized tests at them that don 't mean a damn thing ) . Maybe we just need to share our stories so that other people who feel stuck in their profession don 't think they are just miserable people and that there is something wrong with them for not loving their jobs . Posted on August 13 , 2014April 3 , 2015 by baileyshawley I am so pleased to announce that I am undertaking a huge venture and yet another leave - of - absence leap of faith : TRUTH In Teaching , my new website and blog , created especially for teachers . When I wrote " An Open Letter to Campbell Brown from a Teacher on Leave " a few days ago , I never imagined the outpouring of support I would receive . The letter has gone viral , I have received hundreds of emails , and teachers continue to comment and speak out on the original blog post . In all of the correspondence , one thing has become abundantly clear : teachers need a voice but are afraid to speak up because of backlash from the public and their administrators . So , I am thrilled to announce TRUTH In Teaching . My TRUTH partner and I share a passion for helping teachers in every way that we can to combat education reform , high - stakes testing , and the war on teachers . We know this will not be an easy journey , and we don 't expect to influence policymakers and big businesses who are trying to take over public education … at least , not right away . But , we do hope to keep the discussion that started with the letter going . And , we hope that teachers feel more confident in joining the discussion to get out the TRUTH about what it 's like to teach in today 's public education system , so that parents and policymakers alike can start shifting the conversation back to education and learning and away from the numbers . So , for those of you who started following this site because of my letter to Campbell Brown , please check out TRUTH In Teaching and follow us there , too . We 'd love it if you 'd share the link on Facebook to help get out the word to everyone who read the letter , too ! In the next few days , we will be adding more content to TRUTH In Teaching including blog posts with tips for starting back to school , lesson plan and icebreaker ideas for the first couple of weeks , and more so that teachers can start this school year on the right foot . We will be devoting as much time as possible to TRUTH very soon . TRUTH exists solely for the teachers . We hope the resources on the site will be invaluable tools for you in the upcoming school year and that you visit the site often for information , graphic organizers , lesson plan ideas , or maybe just a laugh at a blog post . Ultimately , we hope to create a culture of education that focuses more on helping students and teachers thrive than it does on a standardized test score or teacher or school grade . Teach on ! PS - Those of you who joined the " What the Hell " journey here on Life Under the Ponytail for my take on life and parenting will be happy to know that this new venture will separate my two " lives . " I will be writing the teaching content on TRUTH In Teaching and the life and parenting content on Life Under the Ponytail , which was the original plan for this blog . And , if you 're looking for even more to read , check out my other latest project , The Brewery Blog . Thanks for sticking with me on this unbelievable ride ! I 'm a list person . I make lists for everything : lists of things we need to do around the house , lists of things I want to do around the house but don 't think we 'll ever be able to afford , lists for the store ( 1 per store ) , lists of things I want to talk about if I ever get another girls ' night out , and on and on . So , it 's no wonder that when I started seriously considering taking a leave of absence a year ago that I made a list of pros and cons . I fit the cons of leaving the profession on a Post - It : namely , I think I 'm still making a difference . The reasons to leave my classroom filled pages . As the deadline to file the request for my leave of absence approached , I used my lists to help me make my decision . There was , " I think I 'm still making a difference " vs . 927 reasons to leave . Okay , maybe I exaggerated a little . But it was not about the numbers . Making a difference was a huge reason to stay . The problem was with the word " think . " Remember , I 'm the English teacher , so words matter . A lot . And when I looked at that Post - It and saw that I made it a point to write " think " when considering one of the most important decisions of my life , it told me a great deal more than the 927 pros . But , I wanted to be thorough . So , I highlighted the cons that stood out the most to me . Some of them made me cry . Some of them made me ashamed . Some of them shocked me . I was an effective teacher : both by the numbers the administrators like to see in the data reports and , more important to me , by the students who thanked me and smiled at me and worked harder for me than they ever had in their academic lives prior to walking into my classroom . I promised to post these reasons to walk away from my teaching career again . So , here it is , the second of my very first blog postings that I was told to remove or I could be fired " on the spot . " In the name of transparency , I am posting them nearly identically to the way they appeared the first time around , lest I be accused of " cleaning them up " for my online image or because I 'm afraid of testing my Right to Freedom of Speech . When I published this earlier , it struck a wrong cord with some people . I believe that 's why sarcasm and humor are subjects in my English classes . This is not meant to be taken literally , and all opinions expressed are solely due to my own warped sense of teacher humor when dealing with the very real issues of educational reform , over - testing , under - funding , growing class size , curriculum changes , new standards , new graduation requirements , and increased poverty levels in our district … I 've often said that if I didn 't laugh , I 'd cry . And , to all of you teachers out there - be honest with yourselves while you 're reading . There is a good chance you 've experienced these feelings , including # 2 , at some point , whether you have the guts to admit it or not . After eleven years in public education , I 've decided to take an unpaid leave of absence for the next school year . Mind you , I 'm solely responsible for my family 's health insurance and I 'm already feeling anxiety and panicking at every turn , but I 've been approved by our school board , so I 'm really doing this crazy , out - of - character thing and trying my hand at freelance writing for a year . The signs have been there all along ; no , this is not a pitch for The Sixth Sense . But , I know it 's time . I 'm not that jaded , overly obnoxious teacher that everybody likes to complain about because I make too much money and don 't work hard enough . Nope , that overpaid - underworked teacher bashing doesn 't fit this girl . Being an English teacher during a time when students are reading less and less and relying on technology more and more has not exactly been a walk in the park . In fact , I have observed students choose to stare at the ceiling during free time , rather than pick up a book . It 's like they think books are radioactive or something . I challenge anyone who still believes teachers are overpaid and underworked to come and spend one day , no - one hour , in my shoes . And , I don 't even have it the worst in my building ; I feel for the resource room teachers more than anyone else . Let 's just say that things are much worse after year eleven than they were after year one . Face it . Anyone who doesn 't believe me is more than welcome to get a teaching degree . It only takes four years , mandatory highly - qualified testing and security clearances ( that you have to pay for out of pocket prior to being hired ) , mandatory credits in a five - year period after earning your degree , patience , thick skin , armor , empathy , flexibility , the ability to hold your tongue … well , you get the point . If you think you 're qualified and don 't mind the fact that your students ' assessment scores will determine your eligibility to then keep your job and perhaps earn raises , go for it . In my experience , though , it 's a lot easier for these critics and bashers to use their mouths than their brains and sit back in their own lives instead of getting that golden teaching degree and taking a turn at the life they think is so simple . There 's always one . The kid who I feel really bad for at the beginning of the school year , who wears the same clothes day after day and who has no model of personal hygiene at home . I report him to the nurse and the Student Assistance team , but we can 't follow him home and wash his clothes and force him into the shower . I get a reprieve when it becomes freeze - your - snot cold and I forget how much he smells . Then , the April heat wave hits . And I don 't know where the best seat for him is . Should I put him by the window , hoping that the smell goes out , or should I keep him away from the window so that the breeze doesn 't blow his stink across the room ? Should I put him by the door , so that his odor cloud stays near the exit ? And , which kids are kind enough to put near him when I redo the seating chart ? And , most of all , how can I stand beside him and help him complete assignments and conference about his writing ? Dear God , where 's the Febreze ? Teachers have an uncanny way of knowing when kids are shitting them about having to go to the bathroom . Really . And the fact that I know that you were just in the bathroom last period because you gave a kid in my room the finger while you walked by REALLY makes me less inclined to sign your pass to go to the bathroom during my class . Oh , and the fact that you never raise your hand to answer a question or ask a question , other than to ask whether you can go to the bathroom or occasionally the nurse really makes me not want to let you leave my room . It 's funny , but if you would actually DO something during the fifty minutes you 're in my room , I might allow you to go . Otherwise , you may not go because I 'm afraid that you might get inspired to pick up that pencil or flip that book to the correct page while you 're not in the classroom . So , good luck on that assessment that determines my family 's financial stability . You won 't pass the test in the bathroom , that 's for sure . At first , I thought that it was because I was nervous about teaching a new curriculum and then in a new district and then in a new building . Or , I thought that it was because our fixer - upper was never going to be done before the wedding and move - in date . For awhile , I thought it was because I didn 't want to leave that precious little person who had my nose and whom nobody would be able to take care of as well as I could ; then , I thought it was because I didn 't want to leave that second precious little person who looked even more like me than the first . Then , I finally admitted that I was a basket case in August because I could not face another year with kids who hated my guts just because I was lucky enough to have them in class and wanted them to understand how much better their lives would be , if they just cracked open a book and picked up a pencil . I wouldn 't turn the calendar to August until the day school started - usually around the 25th . I would refuse to look at the rows of corn in the fields because I could judge how close the beginning of school was , just by the height of those damn green plants . I would search the classifieds and Google my degrees and qualifications , just in case there was a job I could apply for , before I had to walk into that institution of learning one more time . I would beg my husband to look at his books one more time and see if we could afford for me to take a year off after each baby . Not even the copious amounts of back - to - school supplies ( about which I get ridiculously excited , even though I hate their purpose ) in the bags that I lugged to my second - floor classroom eased the pain and anxiety . I just knew when I couldn 't do this job one more year . One more month . One more week . One more day . One more second . I became known in each of my buildings as the " Snow Queen . " I had multiple weather sites bookmarked and considered meteorologists close personal friends . I could track low - pressure systems and pockets of moisture with the best of them . Students would start asking me to make predictions because I had darn good stats . I wouldn 't sleep at night because I would keep checking the radar and waiting for the text announcing a delay or a cancellation . Any break from that place was welcome , even if it were only two hours for a delay . And nobody took more pleasure in those breaks than I did . Other teachers lamented the loss of time and the rewritten and crossed - out lesson plans ; I danced a little jig the whole way into school . At some point , I realized that I was working harder than the students . I was providing pencils and encouragement and extra copies to kids who looked at me like I was the dirt on the bottom of their shoes . I kept track of kids who needed extra help with poetry , literature , nonfiction , writing , and speaking and brought them into my room before school , after school , and during special periods during the day , just to have them not show up on the day of the retests . Hell , I was working harder than half the people on my floor . Nothing pissed me off more than knowing that I spent hours raking over student data , planning lessons , choosing reading and writing assignments , writing my own student assessments , and knowing that at the end of the year , I would get the same satisfactory rating as the teachers who didn 't even get to their classrooms until after the student tardy bell and whose homeroom students had been standing in the hallway for fifteen minutes or the teachers the kids fight over because they " never do anything and give grades just because they like you . " True story . That isn 't necessarily true . I wasn 't on Facebook during class , and I only texted in necessary situations ( e . g . text to my husband : " Get rum . Lots of rum . " ) during class . But , during my prep period and lunch period and extra time before and after school when those kids didn 't show up for the extra practice that I had spent two hours on , I was on my phone . Those HuffPost stories and Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert videos were my escape and my salvation . I had turned into those students who would rather zap their brains with bright images on the screen than pick up any of the books surrounding me in my classroom . I just needed a break . All the time . I always wanted to be the upstanding , professional woman that I emulated when I was in high school . She never raised her voice . She never swore . She could knock down an entitled , cocky athlete with one lash of her tongue . Yet , I have been swearing more and more in class . Nothing X - rated , and certainly nothing R - rated , but cursing nonetheless . Sometimes , it works when expressing attitudes about a text that the kids are struggling to describe without the dreaded curse word . Other times , it adds emphasis . And sometimes , you just hope the wrong kid will hear it and tell his parent and you 'll get suspended . Or terminated . And some days , that doesn 't sound like such a terrible thing . I used to complain about the teachers who had the countdowns on their chalkboards ( and then white boards ) when there were still eons stretching before us . Now , I secretly have a countdown on my calendar . And when things get to that I 'm - going - to - tear - out - my - hair - if - you - don 't - just - do - what - I - ask - you - to - do - today stage , I count days between sick days and personal days to see if I can make it to the next weekend or if I need a break . NOW . I used to fret about missing school and being really sick and saving days for when our sons were sick ; since , it has turned into counting how many more days I can make it without a break , and let 's plan a sick day for THIS day . 10 . I lie to my older son every night when he asks how my day at school went . I want him to love school and not be scared by my horror stories . Every night at bedtime , my older son and I talk about our day . The good parts , the bad parts , the fun parts , the silly parts , all of it . He is a very sensitive kid , so he can tell when I 've had a bad day , and he 's been known to offer to come and " kick their butts " when I tell him the kids were especially " bad " that day . He 's also been known to tell me to have the principal call their moms and make them take them home , which is pretty astute for a four year old because the principals have trouble figuring that out at times . Anyway , I realized that he may start thinking that school is a " bad " place or that he doesn 't want to be around those " bad " kids , so I started lying to him . I told him that we celebrated because everyone remembered their pencils ; I told him that the kids who started to be disrespectful apologized right away and were kind for the rest of class ; I told him that I loved school that day and couldn 't wait to go back tomorrow . He smiled each time and said that he 's glad things were going so well and that he is happy the kids are being good . And , the entire time we are talking , I am trying to decide what I am going to do when it is time to send him to high school . Things drastically must change before I will subject him to this place . That 's all there is to it . Right or wrong , I emailed documents to my mom so she could copy them for me at any one of the three elementary schools in which she teaches . Our copiers haven 't worked - neither well , nor at all - since the second week of school , and that 's not an exaggeration . Atypical for me , I know . Whether it 's because of the teacher who runs thousands of copies a week because he doesn 't teach , he " packets " kids to death , or because of the teachers who run copies without giving the machine a break , is beyond me . I just know that the copies that I need truly are necessary for class ; I am attempting to teach my aliterate students ( see Kelly Gallagher 's Readicide ) to annotate texts and interact with words , and the only way to do that is to give them copies they may actually write on and mark up with abandon . Nothing can ruin a day , a lesson , a teacher 's very level of effectiveness faster than a lack of resources . I 'm not asking for an ELMO or an iPad for every student ; I simply am asking for copies so that my students can read and I can teach and we can all be prepared for that damn standardized test . Ugh ! There goes another quarter in the swear jar . I think I may be a thousandaire now ! 12 . I wonder how I could be in a horrible accident , without really getting hurt , but still not be permitted to go to school . I think it 's called insurance fraud . And that option sounds better to me with each passing day . Don 't call the authorities , my husband , my mother , or my doctor . I 'm not depressed ( not any more than the teachers who actually are on medication - I am not … yet ) and I don 't have a death wish or a suicide plan . Well , unless you consider my walking into a building where I am disrespected , despised , and taken advantage of every day a suicide mission . Then , I definitely have a problem ! But , I do wish there were a way that I could get out of this place and still support my family . I 'd be thrilled to write curriculum , lead teacher trainings , or rule the district for awhile . I think it 's the classroom I need out of . STAT ! At the end of the day , none of these things are totally new . There always have been assholes in my classroom . There always have been apathetic , ineffective administrators and principals . There always has been a lack of curriculum , direction , and discipline . What TRULY have changed are the assessment - obsessed government leaders and teacher - bashing politicians and evaluation - based - on - student - assessment practices . All in eleven years . All of the viral resignation letters that have touted assessment as the number one reason teachers have left the profession are true . Kids are assessed more than they are taught . Our own superintendent admitted this fact at a school board meeting and then in the next breath said that we can 't teach if we don 't know where students are . Well , we can 't teach when we have to give a dozen assessments per marking period that tell us where students are . Doctors don 't give test after test after test to diagnose a problem once they already know the answer - they get the information they need and then they act . Teachers should be given the same leeway with their instincts , knowledge , and training . Some assessments are in order , and some standardized assessments are , I suppose , necessary . But the kids don 't see the value in or the need for those assessments . These kids can 't even pass their driving permit tests the first ( or sometimes third or fourth ) time , and they actually study for those and WANT that permit . At least this year 's freshmen need to pass the tests to graduate , so they may see some value in their assessment results , but I still see freshmen every day who don 't bring pencils to class , who don 't open their books , who don 't take notes , who don 't stay awake . Teens are unable to grasp the gravity of the assessment situation . They are not wired to understand that at fourteen years old they are charged with passing a test that will determine their graduation status in four years . They can 't even understand why they shouldn 't take provocative pictures of themselves and post them online . So , after eleven years I 'm taking a year off . It 's important to note that the next - to - the - last school day is upon us , and I 've been asked to sign a few yearbooks and even told I 'm the " perfect " teacher . I wish I could find more of these bright spots in the abyss of the school days when I 've had three kids tell me off , two parents question everything I am doing to their cherubs , and at least one colleague comment on how " tough " I am on the kids . Maybe a year to reflect on those times will reenergize me and help me to refocus for the 2015 - 2016 school year . We can all f & * # ing dream . There 's another quarter . Damn ! Don 't feel sorry for me . Don 't get mad that I 'm being painfully honest in a time when teachers need to be careful about everything they broadcast to the world of education reform . And please don 't send me hate mail . I don 't have time to read it , anyway . But , DO think about this : If a teacher who is a leader among her peers and is helping her students achieve more academic growth in one year than they were predicted to can feel this way over the course of a year , what does that say about the state of education in this country ? I am not the best teacher who ever taught ; but , I was damn good at what I did AND I felt this way at some point during the school year . Things need to change before all of the good teachers are gone . This is the first of the two , originally written in February 2014 , when I was learning that teachers in my district were going to be tasked with writing SLOs and creating portfolios as part of our evaluation process , on top of everything else we already were doing . We were in the " Countdown to the Test . " We were near the end of a marking period . We were enduring schedule changes because of snow days and cold - weather days and two - hour delays . We were hearing more and more about the impact of the budget cuts and the possibility of the state changing the graduation requirement for the Keystone Exams . I was watching students give up after making it through so many weeks because they were hearing too much about THE TEST and not performing well on the practice exams . It was a bleak time . Even with all of my success and achievement in the classroom , and all of the students that I knew I had helped and made a connection with , I just wasn 't feeling it the way that I had in the beginning of my career . I found myself in the middle of weighing the decision to take a leave of absence to pursue this writing and blogging adventure and couldn 't bear the thought of not having health insurance for my family , but also knowing that I couldn 't bear the thought of another year in the " educational reform " clime . I came home , more on edge than normal , and after our boys were tucked in , I wrote this , wondering if it may appear on my blog some day : The passion is gone . No , I 'm not referring to my marriage . Heck , we 're going on ten years and things are better than ever . Unfortunately , I 'm talking about my job . I 've been a teacher for eleven years . You know , the job where you have to force teenagers to do something they absolutely hate for at least 50 minutes a day , 5 days a week , and make them so good at doing it , they can pass a test that determines your relative worth as a professional with a Master 's degree - all brought to you by government officials who have not set foot in a classroom or earned a teaching degree themselves . But , I digress . Teaching is hard . No , teaching is damn hard . Teachers who actually put in the time to learn and hone their craft - rather than use the same lesson plans for decades - those who care about their students ' progress and success and mental health and wellbeing , who lend a helping hand or a supportive glance or a listening ear when all they want to do is FINALLY go to the bathroom , they 're the ones who know how hard it is to get out of bed and face an unsupportive , uncooperative herd of hormone - ravaged teens armed to the hilt with technological devices that allow them to text , Snapchat , Instagram , Tweet , update statuses , and Vine all about how much they hate YOU and your boring class . But , again , I digress . In order to face those hordes of hormones each day , you have to know your purpose . You have to have a burning desire deep within your core to want to make them better , to want to make them reach their full potential , to want to make them actually read that 400 - page novel that you just KNOW will change their lives if they would open themselves up enough to the words on the page . You have to have a passion for those kids and what you do on a daily basis , or you will turn into the person who can 't talk about those kids ( and , yes , they are STILL kids at the high school level ) without sounding bitter and disgruntled ( or worse ) . You see , I have spent hours upon hours upon hours on lesson plans . And games . And activities . And hands - on tasks . And technology - based assessments . And grading mountains of papers and then analyzing the scores and data from my own classroom assessments to find strengths and weaknesses and designing learning activities to build upon those and creating learning groups to help those who were struggling . I never did those things with a smile on my face , but at least I knew - or at least thought - that it was worth it . The kids would learn , I 'd have another stellar score on my evaluation , and I 'd have connected with more kids and helped them to see the value of a Mrs . Shawley education . They were damn lucky to have me ! Now , I have to follow ten - week plans to push kids into proficiency ( and beyond , God willing ! ) on a test that I know is above at least ¾ of their reading levels . I have to convince kids that taking a three - hour - test that doesn 't determine their graduation status but does determine how I am evaluated actually is worth their time and mine , and that they should take it seriously and do their best . I have to attend data meetings with teachers who don 't have to give the high - stakes assessments , and so they nod and smile about being a team , but who know damn well their asses aren 't quite as on the line as mine is , thank you very much . And , I have to make all of the kids - all 100 % of them - pass that test in three years , or I 've failed , they 've failed , our school 's failed , and our district 's failed . Forget that they came to me in August not knowing how to write a thesis statement or what a paragraph really is or what I mean when I say that they need to have evidence from the text to support their ideas . Forget that many of them have not read a book cover to cover ( and don 't intend to , " so don 't even think about handing me a book this year " ) since they were in third grade . Forget that so many of the reading materials in our curriculum are so far over their heads that we might as well make and fly paper airplanes all year . This is what my job has become . The worst part about all of this is , if MY passion is gone after earning a BA in English literature and then a Master of Education in Educational Design , just imagine where the kids ' passion levels register . They 're the ones who have to sit through all of those standardized tests that mean squat to them in the long run . They 're the ones who have to take all of those practice assessments that REALLY don 't mean squat to them in the long run . They 're the ones who have to take double periods of math and English because they weren 't proficient the year they were supposed to be . Can 't read or write or do math well enough ? Okay , we 'll make you do MORE of it . That 'll definitely make you good at it , kiddo ! Was every day like this ? No . But , we have to realize that we are losing passionate , effective teachers in droves because too many of us feel this way far too often . Maybe we are not having all of these thoughts every day , but we are having enough of these thoughts on enough days that we wonder why we put ourselves through it . And , for veteran teachers , we leave and play right into the hands of the lawmakers and reformists and Campbell Browns who want us out of the profession . How 's that for a Catch - 22 ? Posted on August 3 , 2014August 3 , 2014 by baileyshawley Teachers are people , too ! I 'll never forget going to the grocery store with my mom , who is a teacher with 36 years in the classroom under her belt , and realizing they not everyone views us that way . By the way , she will tell you that it hasn 't been 36 full years , because she was hired part - time and didn 't achieve full - time status for awhile . I say the woman has been in a classroom or elementary library since 1978 , and that 's 36 years . Anyway , we were grocery shopping , and a little boy looked at her with eyes as big as saucers and ran to his mother . He was pointing at my mom and mumbling something . I thought my mom must have reprimanded him at some point in the library to have traumatized him so , but the poor kid actually was so shocked to see her outside of the library that he thought she was looking for him to get back a lost book . As the daughter , granddaughter , niece , great - niece , and great - great - niece of educators , I didn 't know that kids thought their teachers lived in schools . I just thought it was weird that other kids said their parents were going to work , and my mom said she was going to school . But , apparently , kids think their teachers live , eat , and sleep at school ; thus , they don 't realize that teachers are real people . Unfortunately , it seems as though many of those misguided children grow up to be lawmakers , lobbyists , judges , and Campbell Brown . These people don 't realize that teachers are , in fact , people who are capable of having thoughts and opinions . Worse , they don 't think teachers have the same right to express those thoughts and opinions publicly . First Amendment , be damned ! I have first - hand experience with this . When I started this very blog in June , the initial two posts were about how I knew it was time to take a leave of absence from teaching , even though I was in the prime of my career . I may have been a little harsh in my language and brutal with my honesty ; however , to the best of my knowledge , I broke no levels of confidentiality , I used no names ( in fact , most of the anecdotes contain characters who are blends of students and colleagues and administrators I 've encountered in eleven years in the trenches ) , and I ran the posts past some of my union leaders prior to publishing them online . I was received with mostly positive responses and more encouragement than I had expected . In fact , friends of mine who teach in other districts in a couple of states shared it with their colleagues and union leaders ; they actually asked for permission to share my posts at their end - of - the - year festivities because they were so entertained , yet moved by my story . Nearly every teacher who read those first posts said it was as though I had been inside his classroom or inside her mind while writing . And , most of the educators who read those posts encouraged me to keep telling the true story of what it 's like inside public education today . Imagine my surprise , then , when I received a phone call advising me to take down the blog . I was told that I could be terminated " on the spot . " In my mind , I simply was exercising my First Amendment right ; in their minds , I had overstepped some sort of boundary that forces teachers to keep everything under our hats . In the end , I complied because I didn 't know where this new freelance adventure was going to take my family 's finances , and I could very easily need to return to the classroom . It was a very difficult decision and I was beyond livid , but I realized that I had to follow the advice , at least for the time being , for my family . Then , I saw the Campbell Brown interview with Stephen Colbert . I couldn 't keep quiet about that . I was angry and insulted and disgusted by her insinuations , her spin , and her less - than - half truths . I sat down and penned the open letter thinking that I would feel better once I got it all out . I walked away from it and tried to go back to the writing job that is paying the bills . But the thought of leaving the letter off the blog , too - of not being able to share my opinions and thoughts and feelings as a professional in the education field AGAIN - was too much . I closed my eyes , hit " Publish , " and went to bed . The response has been overwhelming for someone whose blog was getting between 50 - 100 hits a day ( other than those initial education posts that were getting more hits than expected for a blog that had been up and running merely for two days ) . When it hit 1 , 000 views , I was thrilled . When it hit 5 , 000 , I was in tears . When it hit 10 , 000 , I was stunned and shaking . It 's still going . And , the responses to the letter are equally as overwhelming . Teachers are sharing stories with me that are breaking my heart . They have lost their unions , their pensions , their classrooms , their autonomy , and for most , their dignity , as politicians , corporations , parents , and people like Campbell Brown come after them day after day after day . People are asking me to share their stories , and I can 't do that in good conscience when I 'm afraid to share mine . The repercussions are far too great . I 'm still researching cases in which judges are ruling against teachers ' First Amendment rights . Facebook statuses are getting teachers fired , even when they aren 't breaking any confidentiality , laws , or contract obligations . Yes , teachers always have been held to a higher moral code , and some teachers push the envelope with their language and overabundance of personal information and other things that in all honesty should be actionable . This is not why unions exist , and this is not why tenure exists , and teachers need to be smart about what they share . But , teachers are people , too . They should have equal protection under the First Amendment when they want to add their voice to " education reform . " They should have a voice when governors slash education budgets by millions of dollars year after year after year ( don 't forget , I live in PA , with arguably one of the worst governors in relation to education in the entire country ) . They should have a voice when administrators bow to parents because they are afraid of losing kids to charter schools and cyber schools that are draining desperately - needed resources from the majority of kids in public schools . And , they should have a voice when they decide to leave their profession for a year because they know they need a break . I WILL be publishing those initial blog posts in the next couple of days , with a few tweaks . I am a person , too . And I have First Amendment rights , just like everyone else . We will see whether I actually do or not . In the meantime , I 'm going to try to do some more research about it , so if anyone else has links to those recent cases , from anywhere in the U . S . , please send them my way . Posted on August 2 , 2014August 2 , 2014 by baileyshawley As of 11PM , August 2 , 2014 , 11 , 100 + visitors have viewed my Open Letter to Campbell Brown 12 , 300 + times , and it has been shared on Facebook more than 4 , 000 times . I am overwhelmed by the amount of support and encouragement I have received today . As a teacher , I never thought of myself as a teacher advocate because my circle of teacher friends always does all we can to support one another every day , even if that means offering a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen when the classroom , standards , and criticism become too much . Today , I am being labeled one , and I hope to live up to that moniker in the days and weeks and months to come . I have been receiving links and studies and information that I will have to ponder in the next few days . I have been thanked and cheered and , yes , even criticized . A few friends and my husband were worried about how I 'm handling the criticism . One of the best things teaching has given me is thick skin , so I 'm just fine . I understand Campbell Brown is blocking people on Facebook and attempting to control the discussion ; her apparent lack of thick skin simply proves that she doesn 't belong in this discussion of education . I also understand that people have been taking to Twitter in droves about the letter and the interview . I 'm going to be honest . I 've handled the discussion through the comments on my blog and a bit on Twitter because the letter pretty much covers everything I have to say about her appearance with Stephen Colbert . When I wrote the letter , I was venting my frustration at Campbell Brown and attempting to bring a voice of the teachers to the discussion - a counterpoint to her interview , if you will . Of course , she is just one in a cast of thousands attacking teachers and unions and tenure and , let 's face it , public education , in this country . Today has been bittersweet because I 'm being thanked by so many people who are too afraid for their positions to be able to speak up themselves ; this issue of educational reform has spun so far out of control that teachers are afraid to exercise their First Amendment right . ( FYI - Several people have forwarded me recent cases in which judges are siding against teachers who exercise their First Amendment rights , and that 's another issue I 'm going to start researching soon . ) I sincerely appreciate every single person who took the time to reach out to me through email , Facebook , and Twitter today . I understand why so many teachers have chosen to contact me privately . I 've done my best to respond to everyone while continuing to be a mom and a wife today , and I will continue to answer as many people as possible . I may need a bit of time to recover from this sudden social media presence I seem to have created for myself , but I will have much more to say soon . In the meantime , think about the teachers who are starting school soon without a contract , without a union , without a voice . Think about the students who are starting school soon without adequate supplies , prior knowledge , or support at home . Something does need to change in this country , but it doesn 't seem to me that teacher tenure should be at the top of the list . I saw your interview with Stephen Colbert . I wish I could have been one of those protesters outside the studio . You see , I don 't support people who are not educational experts attempting to reform or really even discuss education in such a public forum . That may be because I am a teacher . I am certified by the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania to teach Secondary English for 99 years ; in other words , I have earned my permanent certification . I have a Master of Education plus sixty additional graduate credits . I have been in the trenches for eleven years . In those eleven years , I taught English and reading and remedial reading to students in grades seven , eight , nine , ten , and eleven . I also tutored students who were performing below grade level and who were not proficient on our standardized state assessments . I was considered a teacher leader in my building , and I was hired to be an Instructional Coach ( i . e . a teacher who coaches teachers on strategies in the classroom ) for one school year . That position lasted only a year because the grant that funded the positions expired and the Instructional Coaching positions were dissolved . During my eleven years - yes , I earned my tenure during those years - I received satisfactory ratings . My students also scored some of the highest marks on their standardized writing tests of any students across the state , and I was recognized this past school year by the head principal because my students achieved academic growth above the predicted levels . Despite all of my success as an educator , I am taking a leave of absence for this upcoming school year to pursue freelance writing because I disagree with the idea that " Those who can , do . Those who can 't , teach . " THIS is transparency in education . Unlike you , I am not funded by any political backers . Well , to be fair , you wouldn 't reveal who is funding your group , lest they be subjected to harassment . If only teachers had such a luxury ! I do not have legal counsel . I do not have anyone doing pro bono work to find the latest statistics and jargon to use in a marketing ( well , let 's be honest here - smearing ) campaign against teacher unions . And , in the name of TRANSPARENCY , let 's be honest again : you and your group are against public educators and unions , but you are hiding behind the issue of teacher tenure . You see , if you had done your homework , you would have found that teacher tenure is not a guarantee to never receive a pink slip . I know you alluded to that fact during your face - to - face , but your spin may have confused some people . So , in the name of TRANSPARENCY , let 's make it clear : teacher tenure does not guarantee that teachers can teach until they die . This is not the United States Supreme Court , after all . If you really want to attack tenure , let 's attack the system that can allow you to work until the day you die ; you still retain your black robe , even if you decide to put religious and corporate rights above individual rights . Their effectiveness rating is not very high at the moment , and their approval ratings are very low . Maybe you should find a group to go after those Justices , in the name of that " equality " you keep mentioning . I mean , if we 're going after tenure that seems outrageous , let 's go after the most unjust tenure system in this country . But , I digress . Yes , you pointed out that teachers receive due process and that it still can take hundreds of days to get a teacher fired . You also pointed out that it 's often the policy of last - one - in - first - one - out when school districts need to cut professional staff positions . And , you recognized the fact that it can take three years to determine the effectiveness of a teacher . So , you don 't agree with the least senior teachers being let go , even though they have not had the adequate amount of time to prove their effectiveness ? This is starting to smell like a double standard . Are there teachers who deserve to be fired ? Yes , just as there are individuals in any number of professions who deserve to be fired . If teachers are harming students or violating their contracts , they should be fired . I 'm not sure that you 'll find many teachers who disagree . But , if you are simply using the statistics you flaunted during the interview to determine teacher effectiveness , you are playing a very dangerous game . You see , I analyze language . That 's part of my job description . You came armed and ready with what you thought was your silver bullet : 31 % of NY students are reading on grade level . That 's the point you were sure to emphasize . But , those of us who are in the business of educating realize you stopped a little short of yourself . Typically , when we discuss reading ability , we talk about students who are reading below grade level , on grade level , and above grade level . You merely pointed out the average students . How many are above grade level , Ms . Brown ? I have a feeling that statistic of yours may change a bit . You may want to alert your spin machine to this one . Trust the lady with the teaching degree . Also , I cheered a little when Mr . Colbert questioned you about making the resources students receive - specifically money - equal , since you are doing this in the name of educational equality . I was disappointed , however , when he did not push this issue any further . You see , to be fair and truly TRANSPARENT , we need to know how many of those students were reading on grade level when they entered their particular grades . You see , we don 't get to pick and choose who walks into our classrooms . We have students entering kindergarten who have never seen a book , who have never held a crayon , and who don 't even know that words , much less letters , exist in written form . We have ESL and ELL students who cannot speak English , yet the state testing system ( at least ours in PA ) requires they take the standardized tests in English . I am not complaining . And , I certainly am not blaming the children as Mr . Colbert so facetiously suggested . Rather , I am living in reality . All public educators are . And , if you really want to talk educational statistics , we don 't just need to know how many students started the year reading on grade level . We need to know how many of those students are living in poverty . Countless studies have shown the direct correlation between students ' socioeconomic status and educational achievement . If 31 % of students who are living in poverty are reading on grade level , we need to stand up and applaud those NY educators your group essentially is attacking . Even more important , according to some experts in education , is the percentage of students who have an IEP . Because if their written IEP goal is to read with a particular percentage at their actual reading level , not their grade level , and their teachers helped them to achieve that goal , that is another statistic we need to know and applaud . Look at it this way : If a dentist from a rural community offers to work pro bono at the dental clinic and 10 patients walk in , all with nearly every one of their teeth rotting out of their mouths , we are not going to measure that dentist 's effectiveness by how many healthy teeth his patients have when they leave the clinic . We are going to rate his effectiveness by how many teeth he was able to save , and his patients ' oral health over time . It 's the same with teachers . We can 't control how much knowledge and prior learning and life experience our students possess their first day in our classrooms . We have to work with what they arrive with and then " grow " them from there . If none of the dentists ' patients have to have another tooth pulled after the initial visit , he 's effective . And , if all of the teachers ' students leave their rooms having achieved one year 's worth of growth , they 've been effective teachers . I am sure that legal team of yours will take issue with some of my points . And , I 'm sure some researchers and " educational reformists " will attack every fiber of my literary being . But , in this year off , I feel a little more free to speak for the teachers who are unable to speak for themselves because of the culture that is being perpetuated by groups such as yours . In this age of undermining the profession - yes , teaching still is a profession despite efforts of groups like yours - educators are hesitant to speak up for themselves . Is it any wonder , when they are under attack at every turn from people who don 't hold teaching certificates , who never have taken an education class , and who have no more stake in " educational reform " than a politician ? It 's a shame that teachers cannot defend themselves because of the political backlash and push to weaken teacher unions . It 's a bigger shame that instead of using your public standing and credentials to help teachers to have a voice , you are using it to cut us down . Maybe if people listened to the educators , the true experts who actually deserve to have a stake in the discussion , we could fix this " crisis . " In the meantime , those teachers who are dedicated to educational equality will continue to prepare to go back to the classroom in a few short weeks . They will face uncertainty and more stress in an already stressful profession because of your group . But , because they are professionals , those NY educators will approach those students , even those whose parents are filing the suit , with the intent to help them learn and achieve and grow . Who knows ? They may even be effective teachers this year , despite all of the attacks from those who are not experts in their field . The events of the past week in New York State are dealing devastating blows to public education and teachers . Campbell Brown is not stopping her attacks , even after the new evaluation measures have passed as part of Governor Cuomo 's budget . She and her Partnership for Educational Justice are pursuing her lawsuit to challenge tenure and job protection statutes . For more , follow me @ TruthInTeaching , visit TRUTH In Teaching online , and Like TRUTH In Teaching on Facebook . Share this : Share on Facebook ( Opens in new window ) Click to share on Twitter ( Opens in new window ) Click to share on Google + ( Opens in new window ) Click to share on Pinterest ( Opens in new window ) Click to share on LinkedIn ( Opens in new window ) MoreClick to share on Reddit ( Opens in new window ) Click to email ( Opens in new window ) Like this : Like Loading . . . Posted in Teaching , What the Hell ? Tagged Campbell Brown , educational equality , Stephen Colbert , teacher bashing , teacher tenure , teacher union , Teaching 72 Comments Posted on June 22 , 2014July 14 , 2014 by baileyshawley I remember my very first day as a classroom teacher in my first teaching position . I was fortunate enough to have had a fantastic , dedicated , amazing ( enter any glowingly sappy description here because she was all of these things and more ) cooperating teacher during my twelve - week student teaching placement , and I had no fears about teaching on my own when she missed two weeks of school due to pneumonia . The substitutes let me do my own thing , and I felt very confident and comfortable in a notoriously tough middle school . So , when I interviewed with two districts before I graduated from college with a BA in English Literature and PA Secondary English Teaching Certificate in my hand , I felt fairly good about my chances of landing my first teaching position . Not only did my first district hire me before I graduated , but they also paid me to write curriculum over the summer before starting my new position . And , not to toot my own horn , but I had been in the top of my high school and college graduating classes , had received several writing honors in both high school and college , and received several thousand dollars in academic scholarships . Confidence in the classroom and in myself had never been a problem , neither as a student nor as a student teacher . That all changed when I became THE TEACHER . I never subbed a day in my life , so I was not sure what it would be like to face a roomful of teens without the safety net of my cooperating teacher or one of her substitutes . That first morning , I shook for the entire forty - five minute drive to school . I hadn 't slept for one second the night before , and I hadn 't eaten for two days ( for me , that was a big deal - I love to sleep and eat ) . I paced inside my classroom and hid from colleagues and administrators who tried to track me down and wish me luck . I looked at the class lists again and again , trying to memorize my seating chart and imagine what the faces attached to those names would look like . When that very first morning bell rang , I was ready to puke , faint , and run away screaming all at the same time . I didn 't know what I was going to say , how I was going to earn their respect and trust , or why I had wanted to become a teacher in the first place . It wasn 't that I hadn 't prepared . I had spent weeks planning lessons and icebreaker activities and gathering advice from my new colleagues . To this day , I can 't remember who walked into my room first or what I said at any point during the school day . I merely remember thinking one thing , and the thought was stuck on Repeat for the entire day : " People are trusting me with their children ? WHAT THE HELL ? " This became the first of many " What the Hell ? " moments in my eleven - year teaching career , but only one of several hundred " What the Hell ? " moments in my lifetime . At some point , they may all end up on this blog . Share this : Share on Facebook ( Opens in new window ) Click to share on Twitter ( Opens in new window ) Click to share on Google + ( Opens in new window ) Click to share on Pinterest ( Opens in new window ) Click to share on LinkedIn ( Opens in new window ) MoreClick to share on Reddit ( Opens in new window ) Click to email ( Opens in new window ) Like this : Like Loading . . . Posted in Teaching , What the Hell ? Tagged anxiety , first day of school , new teacher , Teaching , What the Hell ? 2 Comments Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this :
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Posted on September 17 , 2015September 17 , 2015 by baileyshawley It 's been a little over a year since I walked away from my teaching career and started freelancing full time . I decided it 's high time to reflect on my so - called wrong turn . Fair warning : it 's a bit long . It 's a hell of a thing to wake up when you are 34 years old and still wonder what you want to be when you grow up . It 's an even scarier thing when you 're saddled with a gigantic mortgage , a self - employed husband , and two kids who are just now starting school with hefty tuition bills and to play organized ( read : who the hell knew it would be this expensive when they 're 3 and 6 ? ) sports . But , that 's exactly where I am . And , I 'm the one who put myself - and my family - here . I had done everything right . I worked hard , got good grades , became salutatorian , got into a great liberal arts college , got on staff at the college newspaper as a freshman , and quickly became assistant features editor . Then all hell broke loose when I decided to transfer to another great liberal arts college to continue with my English Literature degree but get my teaching certification on top of it . I blame the adorable , energetic , eager to learn inner - city kids I tutored when I tagged along to a church to profile the Black Student Union for the college newspaper . They made me fall in love with the idea of teaching , even though I had come from a family full of educators and did not in any way , shape , or form want to become one myself . So , I continued to do everything right after transferring . I commuted to save money , I increased my credit load in order to graduate on time , I became certified as a writing tutor , I did community service , I got a fantastic cooperating teacher and placement , and I graduated near the very top of my class again . I was hired as a middle school language arts teacher before I graduated , and I was writing curriculum before I knew it . I lived at home to save more money , got engaged , bought a fixer - upper , got married , got a dog , and had a great life . Until I realized I wasn 't so much in love with teaching as I was with the idea of teaching . The bureaucracy and politics were one thing , the outrageous behaviors of some of the students were another thing , and I was loving my job a whole lot less than I thought I should have been . The bright spots were the kids who loved to read , who wanted to learn from their quirky teacher , and who appreciated my structured and fast - paced classes . I had never failed at anything that I had worked so hard to achieve , and I was struggling with accepting the fact that even though I was excelling at teaching I didn 't love it . I had all of the mugs and shirts about changing lives and not knowing where my influence ended , but I just wasn 't feeling it like I thought I should have been . So , I decided to try again . I was hired by another school district and felt a new energy in a new building ( even though I missed my original colleagues dearly and still do to this day ) . I had a much better first year . I had kids whom I loved and who loved me , and it was a good feeling to be teaching sixteen year olds to appreciate Shakespeare and Poe . So , I thought maybe it was the switch to high school from middle school that I needed . And then the years went by and the faces changed and I kept looking at myself in the mirror , thinking that I could not do this for another 30 years . I wasn 't miserable . I loved my new colleagues . I loved my new school . I just didn 't love teaching . And , once again , I felt like a failure . My students were doing well and we had a great rapport and I was looked upon as a teacher leader , and yet , something didn 't feel quite right . Teaching is the hardest job in the world for so many reasons , and when you 're not sure it 's what you want to do for the rest of your life , you can 't do it justice . I changed roles in my school district , becoming a coach to fellow teachers , and loved it . I didn 't realize how much teaching had strapped me down . You live by the bell , you pee when you can , and you don 't speak to someone your own age for hours at a time . In my new role , I was treated more as a professional , I was asked questions about my teaching philosophy and instructional delivery , and I put my brand new Master 's degree to good use . I attended conferences and mingled and learned and grew professionally more than I ever had in seven years of teaching . But , I was seeing a stronger emphasis on testing and creating a set of skills students should learn rather than a robust curriculum that allowed them to explore and read and discuss freely . I was uncomfortable with pushing teachers to standardize so much . At the end of the year , the funding dried up , and I was back in the classroom . That was when I knew the end was near . I was giving higher - stakes tests to kids with each passing year . I was sitting in IEP meetings looking at sobbing fifteen - year - old students who weren 't going to be able to take a welding class if they didn 't pass the standardized state test . I was listening to administrators talk about data and results instead of kids and their needs . And , I was being told that we needed to be positive and not put out anything negative to the community while cheering on those blasted tests and their results . The tests were one thing ; putting on a happy face and shoving them at kids who needed something else was quite another . I knew I had to get out . I knew I could not continue to teach to a test not only in which I did not believe but which harms students . I had sleepless nights , panic attacks , and endless lists of pros and cons . How could I leave a salaried union job , a tiny yearly raise , benefits , and health insurance ? How could I start a job that doesn 't guarantee work , which in turn doesn 't guarantee pay ? How could I ask my husband to pay for our new health insurance plan ? How could I throw away a Master of Education plus 60 additional credits ? How could I walk away from 12 years of teaching ? The girl who never veered from the straight and narrow , the college kid who tutored in the writing center while carrying an overloaded course schedule , the student teacher who taught on her own for weeks while her cooperating teacher was out with pneumonia , the teacher who always did as she was told and whose students excelled , was going to do the unthinkable . I walked away . I took a leave of absence , started blogging and working as a freelance writer , and within two months had written a viral blog post in response to Campbell Brown 's attacks on public school teachers and unions . I was loving my new job , my new creative outlet , and the fact that I would not have to go back to school in August . There truly was no looking back when my newfound courage led me to write very openly and candidly about some local education issues . I was very honest and had some strong opinions . Teachers were supporting me . Parents were supporting me . My district did not . And , being censored by my district was the last straw . I always taught my students to speak the truth respectfully and to support their opinions with truth , facts , and solid evidence . I would have been a hypocrite if I didn 't do that myself . I resigned . Now , I am a freelance writer who barely has time to blog . I mostly write web content for various companies , but if you Google my name , you 'll only find my three blogs . I don 't have a by - line for my day job , but it pays the bills and I get to be home with our boys while I work . The problem is , my current position isn 't quite feeding my soul enough yet , either . I 'm not naïve . I know most people don 't spring out of bed , bound out the door , and sing happily on their way to work , but writing about electrical engineering and Big Data isn 't quite what I was looking for , either . So , why reflect on my sordid tale of being a lost 34 year old ? ( If you 're still reading , you 're a saint . ) I know I 'm not alone . Just in my small circle of friends , I don 't have enough fingers and toes to count everyone who wishes they had chosen a different professional life . So many of my college friends are not working in a field even remotely related to their degree . Tons of them aren 't working the jobs any of us had imagined : one is a veterinarian tech , one helps at a homeless shelter , one gives music lessons to teenagers , one works as a librarian in a small public library , and the list goes on and on . These are the brave ones who left their well paying professional jobs that match their degrees to do something else . They took a leap of faith before I did and served as my inspiration , but they 're almost all struggling to make ends meet because they chose to do the work that makes them happy rather than the work that makes them money . A noble cause , for sure , but we 've still got undergraduate school loans and graduate school loans and rent and mortgages and life weighing us down . Most of us are between the ages of 30 and 50 . Most of us don 't regret any choices we 've made because they 've led us to where we are now . I am a much better mother and writer because I was a teacher . I am a much better friend because of my teacher friends . But , when I scan LinkedIn profiles to do my day job , I 'm shocked to see that people in this age group have had what seems to be an average of at least eight different jobs . Where I come from , you go to college , get hired in your field , and hold that job until you retire . My parents still freak out about the choice I made more than a year ago . Where I come from , you just don 't do what I did . Maybe this is what we need to be talking about more often . Maybe we need to figure out a way to help people struggling to make the decision to leave a profession or stick with it so they don 't put themselves through the wringer like I did . Maybe we need to help high school and college students with internships and job shadowing and work experiences before pushing them to make life decisions at the tender age of 18 ( instead of shoving standardized tests at them that don 't mean a damn thing ) . Maybe we just need to share our stories so that other people who feel stuck in their profession don 't think they are just miserable people and that there is something wrong with them for not loving their jobs . Posted on August 13 , 2014April 3 , 2015 by baileyshawley I am so pleased to announce that I am undertaking a huge venture and yet another leave - of - absence leap of faith : TRUTH In Teaching , my new website and blog , created especially for teachers . When I wrote " An Open Letter to Campbell Brown from a Teacher on Leave " a few days ago , I never imagined the outpouring of support I would receive . The letter has gone viral , I have received hundreds of emails , and teachers continue to comment and speak out on the original blog post . In all of the correspondence , one thing has become abundantly clear : teachers need a voice but are afraid to speak up because of backlash from the public and their administrators . So , I am thrilled to announce TRUTH In Teaching . My TRUTH partner and I share a passion for helping teachers in every way that we can to combat education reform , high - stakes testing , and the war on teachers . We know this will not be an easy journey , and we don 't expect to influence policymakers and big businesses who are trying to take over public education … at least , not right away . But , we do hope to keep the discussion that started with the letter going . And , we hope that teachers feel more confident in joining the discussion to get out the TRUTH about what it 's like to teach in today 's public education system , so that parents and policymakers alike can start shifting the conversation back to education and learning and away from the numbers . So , for those of you who started following this site because of my letter to Campbell Brown , please check out TRUTH In Teaching and follow us there , too . We 'd love it if you 'd share the link on Facebook to help get out the word to everyone who read the letter , too ! In the next few days , we will be adding more content to TRUTH In Teaching including blog posts with tips for starting back to school , lesson plan and icebreaker ideas for the first couple of weeks , and more so that teachers can start this school year on the right foot . We will be devoting as much time as possible to TRUTH very soon . TRUTH exists solely for the teachers . We hope the resources on the site will be invaluable tools for you in the upcoming school year and that you visit the site often for information , graphic organizers , lesson plan ideas , or maybe just a laugh at a blog post . Ultimately , we hope to create a culture of education that focuses more on helping students and teachers thrive than it does on a standardized test score or teacher or school grade . Teach on ! PS - Those of you who joined the " What the Hell " journey here on Life Under the Ponytail for my take on life and parenting will be happy to know that this new venture will separate my two " lives . " I will be writing the teaching content on TRUTH In Teaching and the life and parenting content on Life Under the Ponytail , which was the original plan for this blog . And , if you 're looking for even more to read , check out my other latest project , The Brewery Blog . Thanks for sticking with me on this unbelievable ride ! I 'm a list person . I make lists for everything : lists of things we need to do around the house , lists of things I want to do around the house but don 't think we 'll ever be able to afford , lists for the store ( 1 per store ) , lists of things I want to talk about if I ever get another girls ' night out , and on and on . So , it 's no wonder that when I started seriously considering taking a leave of absence a year ago that I made a list of pros and cons . I fit the cons of leaving the profession on a Post - It : namely , I think I 'm still making a difference . The reasons to leave my classroom filled pages . As the deadline to file the request for my leave of absence approached , I used my lists to help me make my decision . There was , " I think I 'm still making a difference " vs . 927 reasons to leave . Okay , maybe I exaggerated a little . But it was not about the numbers . Making a difference was a huge reason to stay . The problem was with the word " think . " Remember , I 'm the English teacher , so words matter . A lot . And when I looked at that Post - It and saw that I made it a point to write " think " when considering one of the most important decisions of my life , it told me a great deal more than the 927 pros . But , I wanted to be thorough . So , I highlighted the cons that stood out the most to me . Some of them made me cry . Some of them made me ashamed . Some of them shocked me . I was an effective teacher : both by the numbers the administrators like to see in the data reports and , more important to me , by the students who thanked me and smiled at me and worked harder for me than they ever had in their academic lives prior to walking into my classroom . I promised to post these reasons to walk away from my teaching career again . So , here it is , the second of my very first blog postings that I was told to remove or I could be fired " on the spot . " In the name of transparency , I am posting them nearly identically to the way they appeared the first time around , lest I be accused of " cleaning them up " for my online image or because I 'm afraid of testing my Right to Freedom of Speech . When I published this earlier , it struck a wrong cord with some people . I believe that 's why sarcasm and humor are subjects in my English classes . This is not meant to be taken literally , and all opinions expressed are solely due to my own warped sense of teacher humor when dealing with the very real issues of educational reform , over - testing , under - funding , growing class size , curriculum changes , new standards , new graduation requirements , and increased poverty levels in our district … I 've often said that if I didn 't laugh , I 'd cry . And , to all of you teachers out there - be honest with yourselves while you 're reading . There is a good chance you 've experienced these feelings , including # 2 , at some point , whether you have the guts to admit it or not . After eleven years in public education , I 've decided to take an unpaid leave of absence for the next school year . Mind you , I 'm solely responsible for my family 's health insurance and I 'm already feeling anxiety and panicking at every turn , but I 've been approved by our school board , so I 'm really doing this crazy , out - of - character thing and trying my hand at freelance writing for a year . The signs have been there all along ; no , this is not a pitch for The Sixth Sense . But , I know it 's time . I 'm not that jaded , overly obnoxious teacher that everybody likes to complain about because I make too much money and don 't work hard enough . Nope , that overpaid - underworked teacher bashing doesn 't fit this girl . Being an English teacher during a time when students are reading less and less and relying on technology more and more has not exactly been a walk in the park . In fact , I have observed students choose to stare at the ceiling during free time , rather than pick up a book . It 's like they think books are radioactive or something . I challenge anyone who still believes teachers are overpaid and underworked to come and spend one day , no - one hour , in my shoes . And , I don 't even have it the worst in my building ; I feel for the resource room teachers more than anyone else . Let 's just say that things are much worse after year eleven than they were after year one . Face it . Anyone who doesn 't believe me is more than welcome to get a teaching degree . It only takes four years , mandatory highly - qualified testing and security clearances ( that you have to pay for out of pocket prior to being hired ) , mandatory credits in a five - year period after earning your degree , patience , thick skin , armor , empathy , flexibility , the ability to hold your tongue … well , you get the point . If you think you 're qualified and don 't mind the fact that your students ' assessment scores will determine your eligibility to then keep your job and perhaps earn raises , go for it . In my experience , though , it 's a lot easier for these critics and bashers to use their mouths than their brains and sit back in their own lives instead of getting that golden teaching degree and taking a turn at the life they think is so simple . There 's always one . The kid who I feel really bad for at the beginning of the school year , who wears the same clothes day after day and who has no model of personal hygiene at home . I report him to the nurse and the Student Assistance team , but we can 't follow him home and wash his clothes and force him into the shower . I get a reprieve when it becomes freeze - your - snot cold and I forget how much he smells . Then , the April heat wave hits . And I don 't know where the best seat for him is . Should I put him by the window , hoping that the smell goes out , or should I keep him away from the window so that the breeze doesn 't blow his stink across the room ? Should I put him by the door , so that his odor cloud stays near the exit ? And , which kids are kind enough to put near him when I redo the seating chart ? And , most of all , how can I stand beside him and help him complete assignments and conference about his writing ? Dear God , where 's the Febreze ? Teachers have an uncanny way of knowing when kids are shitting them about having to go to the bathroom . Really . And the fact that I know that you were just in the bathroom last period because you gave a kid in my room the finger while you walked by REALLY makes me less inclined to sign your pass to go to the bathroom during my class . Oh , and the fact that you never raise your hand to answer a question or ask a question , other than to ask whether you can go to the bathroom or occasionally the nurse really makes me not want to let you leave my room . It 's funny , but if you would actually DO something during the fifty minutes you 're in my room , I might allow you to go . Otherwise , you may not go because I 'm afraid that you might get inspired to pick up that pencil or flip that book to the correct page while you 're not in the classroom . So , good luck on that assessment that determines my family 's financial stability . You won 't pass the test in the bathroom , that 's for sure . At first , I thought that it was because I was nervous about teaching a new curriculum and then in a new district and then in a new building . Or , I thought that it was because our fixer - upper was never going to be done before the wedding and move - in date . For awhile , I thought it was because I didn 't want to leave that precious little person who had my nose and whom nobody would be able to take care of as well as I could ; then , I thought it was because I didn 't want to leave that second precious little person who looked even more like me than the first . Then , I finally admitted that I was a basket case in August because I could not face another year with kids who hated my guts just because I was lucky enough to have them in class and wanted them to understand how much better their lives would be , if they just cracked open a book and picked up a pencil . I wouldn 't turn the calendar to August until the day school started - usually around the 25th . I would refuse to look at the rows of corn in the fields because I could judge how close the beginning of school was , just by the height of those damn green plants . I would search the classifieds and Google my degrees and qualifications , just in case there was a job I could apply for , before I had to walk into that institution of learning one more time . I would beg my husband to look at his books one more time and see if we could afford for me to take a year off after each baby . Not even the copious amounts of back - to - school supplies ( about which I get ridiculously excited , even though I hate their purpose ) in the bags that I lugged to my second - floor classroom eased the pain and anxiety . I just knew when I couldn 't do this job one more year . One more month . One more week . One more day . One more second . I became known in each of my buildings as the " Snow Queen . " I had multiple weather sites bookmarked and considered meteorologists close personal friends . I could track low - pressure systems and pockets of moisture with the best of them . Students would start asking me to make predictions because I had darn good stats . I wouldn 't sleep at night because I would keep checking the radar and waiting for the text announcing a delay or a cancellation . Any break from that place was welcome , even if it were only two hours for a delay . And nobody took more pleasure in those breaks than I did . Other teachers lamented the loss of time and the rewritten and crossed - out lesson plans ; I danced a little jig the whole way into school . At some point , I realized that I was working harder than the students . I was providing pencils and encouragement and extra copies to kids who looked at me like I was the dirt on the bottom of their shoes . I kept track of kids who needed extra help with poetry , literature , nonfiction , writing , and speaking and brought them into my room before school , after school , and during special periods during the day , just to have them not show up on the day of the retests . Hell , I was working harder than half the people on my floor . Nothing pissed me off more than knowing that I spent hours raking over student data , planning lessons , choosing reading and writing assignments , writing my own student assessments , and knowing that at the end of the year , I would get the same satisfactory rating as the teachers who didn 't even get to their classrooms until after the student tardy bell and whose homeroom students had been standing in the hallway for fifteen minutes or the teachers the kids fight over because they " never do anything and give grades just because they like you . " True story . That isn 't necessarily true . I wasn 't on Facebook during class , and I only texted in necessary situations ( e . g . text to my husband : " Get rum . Lots of rum . " ) during class . But , during my prep period and lunch period and extra time before and after school when those kids didn 't show up for the extra practice that I had spent two hours on , I was on my phone . Those HuffPost stories and Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert videos were my escape and my salvation . I had turned into those students who would rather zap their brains with bright images on the screen than pick up any of the books surrounding me in my classroom . I just needed a break . All the time . I always wanted to be the upstanding , professional woman that I emulated when I was in high school . She never raised her voice . She never swore . She could knock down an entitled , cocky athlete with one lash of her tongue . Yet , I have been swearing more and more in class . Nothing X - rated , and certainly nothing R - rated , but cursing nonetheless . Sometimes , it works when expressing attitudes about a text that the kids are struggling to describe without the dreaded curse word . Other times , it adds emphasis . And sometimes , you just hope the wrong kid will hear it and tell his parent and you 'll get suspended . Or terminated . And some days , that doesn 't sound like such a terrible thing . I used to complain about the teachers who had the countdowns on their chalkboards ( and then white boards ) when there were still eons stretching before us . Now , I secretly have a countdown on my calendar . And when things get to that I 'm - going - to - tear - out - my - hair - if - you - don 't - just - do - what - I - ask - you - to - do - today stage , I count days between sick days and personal days to see if I can make it to the next weekend or if I need a break . NOW . I used to fret about missing school and being really sick and saving days for when our sons were sick ; since , it has turned into counting how many more days I can make it without a break , and let 's plan a sick day for THIS day . 10 . I lie to my older son every night when he asks how my day at school went . I want him to love school and not be scared by my horror stories . Every night at bedtime , my older son and I talk about our day . The good parts , the bad parts , the fun parts , the silly parts , all of it . He is a very sensitive kid , so he can tell when I 've had a bad day , and he 's been known to offer to come and " kick their butts " when I tell him the kids were especially " bad " that day . He 's also been known to tell me to have the principal call their moms and make them take them home , which is pretty astute for a four year old because the principals have trouble figuring that out at times . Anyway , I realized that he may start thinking that school is a " bad " place or that he doesn 't want to be around those " bad " kids , so I started lying to him . I told him that we celebrated because everyone remembered their pencils ; I told him that the kids who started to be disrespectful apologized right away and were kind for the rest of class ; I told him that I loved school that day and couldn 't wait to go back tomorrow . He smiled each time and said that he 's glad things were going so well and that he is happy the kids are being good . And , the entire time we are talking , I am trying to decide what I am going to do when it is time to send him to high school . Things drastically must change before I will subject him to this place . That 's all there is to it . Right or wrong , I emailed documents to my mom so she could copy them for me at any one of the three elementary schools in which she teaches . Our copiers haven 't worked - neither well , nor at all - since the second week of school , and that 's not an exaggeration . Atypical for me , I know . Whether it 's because of the teacher who runs thousands of copies a week because he doesn 't teach , he " packets " kids to death , or because of the teachers who run copies without giving the machine a break , is beyond me . I just know that the copies that I need truly are necessary for class ; I am attempting to teach my aliterate students ( see Kelly Gallagher 's Readicide ) to annotate texts and interact with words , and the only way to do that is to give them copies they may actually write on and mark up with abandon . Nothing can ruin a day , a lesson , a teacher 's very level of effectiveness faster than a lack of resources . I 'm not asking for an ELMO or an iPad for every student ; I simply am asking for copies so that my students can read and I can teach and we can all be prepared for that damn standardized test . Ugh ! There goes another quarter in the swear jar . I think I may be a thousandaire now ! 12 . I wonder how I could be in a horrible accident , without really getting hurt , but still not be permitted to go to school . I think it 's called insurance fraud . And that option sounds better to me with each passing day . Don 't call the authorities , my husband , my mother , or my doctor . I 'm not depressed ( not any more than the teachers who actually are on medication - I am not … yet ) and I don 't have a death wish or a suicide plan . Well , unless you consider my walking into a building where I am disrespected , despised , and taken advantage of every day a suicide mission . Then , I definitely have a problem ! But , I do wish there were a way that I could get out of this place and still support my family . I 'd be thrilled to write curriculum , lead teacher trainings , or rule the district for awhile . I think it 's the classroom I need out of . STAT ! At the end of the day , none of these things are totally new . There always have been assholes in my classroom . There always have been apathetic , ineffective administrators and principals . There always has been a lack of curriculum , direction , and discipline . What TRULY have changed are the assessment - obsessed government leaders and teacher - bashing politicians and evaluation - based - on - student - assessment practices . All in eleven years . All of the viral resignation letters that have touted assessment as the number one reason teachers have left the profession are true . Kids are assessed more than they are taught . Our own superintendent admitted this fact at a school board meeting and then in the next breath said that we can 't teach if we don 't know where students are . Well , we can 't teach when we have to give a dozen assessments per marking period that tell us where students are . Doctors don 't give test after test after test to diagnose a problem once they already know the answer - they get the information they need and then they act . Teachers should be given the same leeway with their instincts , knowledge , and training . Some assessments are in order , and some standardized assessments are , I suppose , necessary . But the kids don 't see the value in or the need for those assessments . These kids can 't even pass their driving permit tests the first ( or sometimes third or fourth ) time , and they actually study for those and WANT that permit . At least this year 's freshmen need to pass the tests to graduate , so they may see some value in their assessment results , but I still see freshmen every day who don 't bring pencils to class , who don 't open their books , who don 't take notes , who don 't stay awake . Teens are unable to grasp the gravity of the assessment situation . They are not wired to understand that at fourteen years old they are charged with passing a test that will determine their graduation status in four years . They can 't even understand why they shouldn 't take provocative pictures of themselves and post them online . So , after eleven years I 'm taking a year off . It 's important to note that the next - to - the - last school day is upon us , and I 've been asked to sign a few yearbooks and even told I 'm the " perfect " teacher . I wish I could find more of these bright spots in the abyss of the school days when I 've had three kids tell me off , two parents question everything I am doing to their cherubs , and at least one colleague comment on how " tough " I am on the kids . Maybe a year to reflect on those times will reenergize me and help me to refocus for the 2015 - 2016 school year . We can all f & * # ing dream . There 's another quarter . Damn ! Don 't feel sorry for me . Don 't get mad that I 'm being painfully honest in a time when teachers need to be careful about everything they broadcast to the world of education reform . And please don 't send me hate mail . I don 't have time to read it , anyway . But , DO think about this : If a teacher who is a leader among her peers and is helping her students achieve more academic growth in one year than they were predicted to can feel this way over the course of a year , what does that say about the state of education in this country ? I am not the best teacher who ever taught ; but , I was damn good at what I did AND I felt this way at some point during the school year . Things need to change before all of the good teachers are gone . This is the first of the two , originally written in February 2014 , when I was learning that teachers in my district were going to be tasked with writing SLOs and creating portfolios as part of our evaluation process , on top of everything else we already were doing . We were in the " Countdown to the Test . " We were near the end of a marking period . We were enduring schedule changes because of snow days and cold - weather days and two - hour delays . We were hearing more and more about the impact of the budget cuts and the possibility of the state changing the graduation requirement for the Keystone Exams . I was watching students give up after making it through so many weeks because they were hearing too much about THE TEST and not performing well on the practice exams . It was a bleak time . Even with all of my success and achievement in the classroom , and all of the students that I knew I had helped and made a connection with , I just wasn 't feeling it the way that I had in the beginning of my career . I found myself in the middle of weighing the decision to take a leave of absence to pursue this writing and blogging adventure and couldn 't bear the thought of not having health insurance for my family , but also knowing that I couldn 't bear the thought of another year in the " educational reform " clime . I came home , more on edge than normal , and after our boys were tucked in , I wrote this , wondering if it may appear on my blog some day : The passion is gone . No , I 'm not referring to my marriage . Heck , we 're going on ten years and things are better than ever . Unfortunately , I 'm talking about my job . I 've been a teacher for eleven years . You know , the job where you have to force teenagers to do something they absolutely hate for at least 50 minutes a day , 5 days a week , and make them so good at doing it , they can pass a test that determines your relative worth as a professional with a Master 's degree - all brought to you by government officials who have not set foot in a classroom or earned a teaching degree themselves . But , I digress . Teaching is hard . No , teaching is damn hard . Teachers who actually put in the time to learn and hone their craft - rather than use the same lesson plans for decades - those who care about their students ' progress and success and mental health and wellbeing , who lend a helping hand or a supportive glance or a listening ear when all they want to do is FINALLY go to the bathroom , they 're the ones who know how hard it is to get out of bed and face an unsupportive , uncooperative herd of hormone - ravaged teens armed to the hilt with technological devices that allow them to text , Snapchat , Instagram , Tweet , update statuses , and Vine all about how much they hate YOU and your boring class . But , again , I digress . In order to face those hordes of hormones each day , you have to know your purpose . You have to have a burning desire deep within your core to want to make them better , to want to make them reach their full potential , to want to make them actually read that 400 - page novel that you just KNOW will change their lives if they would open themselves up enough to the words on the page . You have to have a passion for those kids and what you do on a daily basis , or you will turn into the person who can 't talk about those kids ( and , yes , they are STILL kids at the high school level ) without sounding bitter and disgruntled ( or worse ) . You see , I have spent hours upon hours upon hours on lesson plans . And games . And activities . And hands - on tasks . And technology - based assessments . And grading mountains of papers and then analyzing the scores and data from my own classroom assessments to find strengths and weaknesses and designing learning activities to build upon those and creating learning groups to help those who were struggling . I never did those things with a smile on my face , but at least I knew - or at least thought - that it was worth it . The kids would learn , I 'd have another stellar score on my evaluation , and I 'd have connected with more kids and helped them to see the value of a Mrs . Shawley education . They were damn lucky to have me ! Now , I have to follow ten - week plans to push kids into proficiency ( and beyond , God willing ! ) on a test that I know is above at least ¾ of their reading levels . I have to convince kids that taking a three - hour - test that doesn 't determine their graduation status but does determine how I am evaluated actually is worth their time and mine , and that they should take it seriously and do their best . I have to attend data meetings with teachers who don 't have to give the high - stakes assessments , and so they nod and smile about being a team , but who know damn well their asses aren 't quite as on the line as mine is , thank you very much . And , I have to make all of the kids - all 100 % of them - pass that test in three years , or I 've failed , they 've failed , our school 's failed , and our district 's failed . Forget that they came to me in August not knowing how to write a thesis statement or what a paragraph really is or what I mean when I say that they need to have evidence from the text to support their ideas . Forget that many of them have not read a book cover to cover ( and don 't intend to , " so don 't even think about handing me a book this year " ) since they were in third grade . Forget that so many of the reading materials in our curriculum are so far over their heads that we might as well make and fly paper airplanes all year . This is what my job has become . The worst part about all of this is , if MY passion is gone after earning a BA in English literature and then a Master of Education in Educational Design , just imagine where the kids ' passion levels register . They 're the ones who have to sit through all of those standardized tests that mean squat to them in the long run . They 're the ones who have to take all of those practice assessments that REALLY don 't mean squat to them in the long run . They 're the ones who have to take double periods of math and English because they weren 't proficient the year they were supposed to be . Can 't read or write or do math well enough ? Okay , we 'll make you do MORE of it . That 'll definitely make you good at it , kiddo ! Was every day like this ? No . But , we have to realize that we are losing passionate , effective teachers in droves because too many of us feel this way far too often . Maybe we are not having all of these thoughts every day , but we are having enough of these thoughts on enough days that we wonder why we put ourselves through it . And , for veteran teachers , we leave and play right into the hands of the lawmakers and reformists and Campbell Browns who want us out of the profession . How 's that for a Catch - 22 ? Posted on August 3 , 2014August 3 , 2014 by baileyshawley Teachers are people , too ! I 'll never forget going to the grocery store with my mom , who is a teacher with 36 years in the classroom under her belt , and realizing they not everyone views us that way . By the way , she will tell you that it hasn 't been 36 full years , because she was hired part - time and didn 't achieve full - time status for awhile . I say the woman has been in a classroom or elementary library since 1978 , and that 's 36 years . Anyway , we were grocery shopping , and a little boy looked at her with eyes as big as saucers and ran to his mother . He was pointing at my mom and mumbling something . I thought my mom must have reprimanded him at some point in the library to have traumatized him so , but the poor kid actually was so shocked to see her outside of the library that he thought she was looking for him to get back a lost book . As the daughter , granddaughter , niece , great - niece , and great - great - niece of educators , I didn 't know that kids thought their teachers lived in schools . I just thought it was weird that other kids said their parents were going to work , and my mom said she was going to school . But , apparently , kids think their teachers live , eat , and sleep at school ; thus , they don 't realize that teachers are real people . Unfortunately , it seems as though many of those misguided children grow up to be lawmakers , lobbyists , judges , and Campbell Brown . These people don 't realize that teachers are , in fact , people who are capable of having thoughts and opinions . Worse , they don 't think teachers have the same right to express those thoughts and opinions publicly . First Amendment , be damned ! I have first - hand experience with this . When I started this very blog in June , the initial two posts were about how I knew it was time to take a leave of absence from teaching , even though I was in the prime of my career . I may have been a little harsh in my language and brutal with my honesty ; however , to the best of my knowledge , I broke no levels of confidentiality , I used no names ( in fact , most of the anecdotes contain characters who are blends of students and colleagues and administrators I 've encountered in eleven years in the trenches ) , and I ran the posts past some of my union leaders prior to publishing them online . I was received with mostly positive responses and more encouragement than I had expected . In fact , friends of mine who teach in other districts in a couple of states shared it with their colleagues and union leaders ; they actually asked for permission to share my posts at their end - of - the - year festivities because they were so entertained , yet moved by my story . Nearly every teacher who read those first posts said it was as though I had been inside his classroom or inside her mind while writing . And , most of the educators who read those posts encouraged me to keep telling the true story of what it 's like inside public education today . Imagine my surprise , then , when I received a phone call advising me to take down the blog . I was told that I could be terminated " on the spot . " In my mind , I simply was exercising my First Amendment right ; in their minds , I had overstepped some sort of boundary that forces teachers to keep everything under our hats . In the end , I complied because I didn 't know where this new freelance adventure was going to take my family 's finances , and I could very easily need to return to the classroom . It was a very difficult decision and I was beyond livid , but I realized that I had to follow the advice , at least for the time being , for my family . Then , I saw the Campbell Brown interview with Stephen Colbert . I couldn 't keep quiet about that . I was angry and insulted and disgusted by her insinuations , her spin , and her less - than - half truths . I sat down and penned the open letter thinking that I would feel better once I got it all out . I walked away from it and tried to go back to the writing job that is paying the bills . But the thought of leaving the letter off the blog , too - of not being able to share my opinions and thoughts and feelings as a professional in the education field AGAIN - was too much . I closed my eyes , hit " Publish , " and went to bed . The response has been overwhelming for someone whose blog was getting between 50 - 100 hits a day ( other than those initial education posts that were getting more hits than expected for a blog that had been up and running merely for two days ) . When it hit 1 , 000 views , I was thrilled . When it hit 5 , 000 , I was in tears . When it hit 10 , 000 , I was stunned and shaking . It 's still going . And , the responses to the letter are equally as overwhelming . Teachers are sharing stories with me that are breaking my heart . They have lost their unions , their pensions , their classrooms , their autonomy , and for most , their dignity , as politicians , corporations , parents , and people like Campbell Brown come after them day after day after day . People are asking me to share their stories , and I can 't do that in good conscience when I 'm afraid to share mine . The repercussions are far too great . I 'm still researching cases in which judges are ruling against teachers ' First Amendment rights . Facebook statuses are getting teachers fired , even when they aren 't breaking any confidentiality , laws , or contract obligations . Yes , teachers always have been held to a higher moral code , and some teachers push the envelope with their language and overabundance of personal information and other things that in all honesty should be actionable . This is not why unions exist , and this is not why tenure exists , and teachers need to be smart about what they share . But , teachers are people , too . They should have equal protection under the First Amendment when they want to add their voice to " education reform . " They should have a voice when governors slash education budgets by millions of dollars year after year after year ( don 't forget , I live in PA , with arguably one of the worst governors in relation to education in the entire country ) . They should have a voice when administrators bow to parents because they are afraid of losing kids to charter schools and cyber schools that are draining desperately - needed resources from the majority of kids in public schools . And , they should have a voice when they decide to leave their profession for a year because they know they need a break . I WILL be publishing those initial blog posts in the next couple of days , with a few tweaks . I am a person , too . And I have First Amendment rights , just like everyone else . We will see whether I actually do or not . In the meantime , I 'm going to try to do some more research about it , so if anyone else has links to those recent cases , from anywhere in the U . S . , please send them my way . Posted on August 2 , 2014August 2 , 2014 by baileyshawley As of 11PM , August 2 , 2014 , 11 , 100 + visitors have viewed my Open Letter to Campbell Brown 12 , 300 + times , and it has been shared on Facebook more than 4 , 000 times . I am overwhelmed by the amount of support and encouragement I have received today . As a teacher , I never thought of myself as a teacher advocate because my circle of teacher friends always does all we can to support one another every day , even if that means offering a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen when the classroom , standards , and criticism become too much . Today , I am being labeled one , and I hope to live up to that moniker in the days and weeks and months to come . I have been receiving links and studies and information that I will have to ponder in the next few days . I have been thanked and cheered and , yes , even criticized . A few friends and my husband were worried about how I 'm handling the criticism . One of the best things teaching has given me is thick skin , so I 'm just fine . I understand Campbell Brown is blocking people on Facebook and attempting to control the discussion ; her apparent lack of thick skin simply proves that she doesn 't belong in this discussion of education . I also understand that people have been taking to Twitter in droves about the letter and the interview . I 'm going to be honest . I 've handled the discussion through the comments on my blog and a bit on Twitter because the letter pretty much covers everything I have to say about her appearance with Stephen Colbert . When I wrote the letter , I was venting my frustration at Campbell Brown and attempting to bring a voice of the teachers to the discussion - a counterpoint to her interview , if you will . Of course , she is just one in a cast of thousands attacking teachers and unions and tenure and , let 's face it , public education , in this country . Today has been bittersweet because I 'm being thanked by so many people who are too afraid for their positions to be able to speak up themselves ; this issue of educational reform has spun so far out of control that teachers are afraid to exercise their First Amendment right . ( FYI - Several people have forwarded me recent cases in which judges are siding against teachers who exercise their First Amendment rights , and that 's another issue I 'm going to start researching soon . ) I sincerely appreciate every single person who took the time to reach out to me through email , Facebook , and Twitter today . I understand why so many teachers have chosen to contact me privately . I 've done my best to respond to everyone while continuing to be a mom and a wife today , and I will continue to answer as many people as possible . I may need a bit of time to recover from this sudden social media presence I seem to have created for myself , but I will have much more to say soon . In the meantime , think about the teachers who are starting school soon without a contract , without a union , without a voice . Think about the students who are starting school soon without adequate supplies , prior knowledge , or support at home . Something does need to change in this country , but it doesn 't seem to me that teacher tenure should be at the top of the list . I saw your interview with Stephen Colbert . I wish I could have been one of those protesters outside the studio . You see , I don 't support people who are not educational experts attempting to reform or really even discuss education in such a public forum . That may be because I am a teacher . I am certified by the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania to teach Secondary English for 99 years ; in other words , I have earned my permanent certification . I have a Master of Education plus sixty additional graduate credits . I have been in the trenches for eleven years . In those eleven years , I taught English and reading and remedial reading to students in grades seven , eight , nine , ten , and eleven . I also tutored students who were performing below grade level and who were not proficient on our standardized state assessments . I was considered a teacher leader in my building , and I was hired to be an Instructional Coach ( i . e . a teacher who coaches teachers on strategies in the classroom ) for one school year . That position lasted only a year because the grant that funded the positions expired and the Instructional Coaching positions were dissolved . During my eleven years - yes , I earned my tenure during those years - I received satisfactory ratings . My students also scored some of the highest marks on their standardized writing tests of any students across the state , and I was recognized this past school year by the head principal because my students achieved academic growth above the predicted levels . Despite all of my success as an educator , I am taking a leave of absence for this upcoming school year to pursue freelance writing because I disagree with the idea that " Those who can , do . Those who can 't , teach . " THIS is transparency in education . Unlike you , I am not funded by any political backers . Well , to be fair , you wouldn 't reveal who is funding your group , lest they be subjected to harassment . If only teachers had such a luxury ! I do not have legal counsel . I do not have anyone doing pro bono work to find the latest statistics and jargon to use in a marketing ( well , let 's be honest here - smearing ) campaign against teacher unions . And , in the name of TRANSPARENCY , let 's be honest again : you and your group are against public educators and unions , but you are hiding behind the issue of teacher tenure . You see , if you had done your homework , you would have found that teacher tenure is not a guarantee to never receive a pink slip . I know you alluded to that fact during your face - to - face , but your spin may have confused some people . So , in the name of TRANSPARENCY , let 's make it clear : teacher tenure does not guarantee that teachers can teach until they die . This is not the United States Supreme Court , after all . If you really want to attack tenure , let 's attack the system that can allow you to work until the day you die ; you still retain your black robe , even if you decide to put religious and corporate rights above individual rights . Their effectiveness rating is not very high at the moment , and their approval ratings are very low . Maybe you should find a group to go after those Justices , in the name of that " equality " you keep mentioning . I mean , if we 're going after tenure that seems outrageous , let 's go after the most unjust tenure system in this country . But , I digress . Yes , you pointed out that teachers receive due process and that it still can take hundreds of days to get a teacher fired . You also pointed out that it 's often the policy of last - one - in - first - one - out when school districts need to cut professional staff positions . And , you recognized the fact that it can take three years to determine the effectiveness of a teacher . So , you don 't agree with the least senior teachers being let go , even though they have not had the adequate amount of time to prove their effectiveness ? This is starting to smell like a double standard . Are there teachers who deserve to be fired ? Yes , just as there are individuals in any number of professions who deserve to be fired . If teachers are harming students or violating their contracts , they should be fired . I 'm not sure that you 'll find many teachers who disagree . But , if you are simply using the statistics you flaunted during the interview to determine teacher effectiveness , you are playing a very dangerous game . You see , I analyze language . That 's part of my job description . You came armed and ready with what you thought was your silver bullet : 31 % of NY students are reading on grade level . That 's the point you were sure to emphasize . But , those of us who are in the business of educating realize you stopped a little short of yourself . Typically , when we discuss reading ability , we talk about students who are reading below grade level , on grade level , and above grade level . You merely pointed out the average students . How many are above grade level , Ms . Brown ? I have a feeling that statistic of yours may change a bit . You may want to alert your spin machine to this one . Trust the lady with the teaching degree . Also , I cheered a little when Mr . Colbert questioned you about making the resources students receive - specifically money - equal , since you are doing this in the name of educational equality . I was disappointed , however , when he did not push this issue any further . You see , to be fair and truly TRANSPARENT , we need to know how many of those students were reading on grade level when they entered their particular grades . You see , we don 't get to pick and choose who walks into our classrooms . We have students entering kindergarten who have never seen a book , who have never held a crayon , and who don 't even know that words , much less letters , exist in written form . We have ESL and ELL students who cannot speak English , yet the state testing system ( at least ours in PA ) requires they take the standardized tests in English . I am not complaining . And , I certainly am not blaming the children as Mr . Colbert so facetiously suggested . Rather , I am living in reality . All public educators are . And , if you really want to talk educational statistics , we don 't just need to know how many students started the year reading on grade level . We need to know how many of those students are living in poverty . Countless studies have shown the direct correlation between students ' socioeconomic status and educational achievement . If 31 % of students who are living in poverty are reading on grade level , we need to stand up and applaud those NY educators your group essentially is attacking . Even more important , according to some experts in education , is the percentage of students who have an IEP . Because if their written IEP goal is to read with a particular percentage at their actual reading level , not their grade level , and their teachers helped them to achieve that goal , that is another statistic we need to know and applaud . Look at it this way : If a dentist from a rural community offers to work pro bono at the dental clinic and 10 patients walk in , all with nearly every one of their teeth rotting out of their mouths , we are not going to measure that dentist 's effectiveness by how many healthy teeth his patients have when they leave the clinic . We are going to rate his effectiveness by how many teeth he was able to save , and his patients ' oral health over time . It 's the same with teachers . We can 't control how much knowledge and prior learning and life experience our students possess their first day in our classrooms . We have to work with what they arrive with and then " grow " them from there . If none of the dentists ' patients have to have another tooth pulled after the initial visit , he 's effective . And , if all of the teachers ' students leave their rooms having achieved one year 's worth of growth , they 've been effective teachers . I am sure that legal team of yours will take issue with some of my points . And , I 'm sure some researchers and " educational reformists " will attack every fiber of my literary being . But , in this year off , I feel a little more free to speak for the teachers who are unable to speak for themselves because of the culture that is being perpetuated by groups such as yours . In this age of undermining the profession - yes , teaching still is a profession despite efforts of groups like yours - educators are hesitant to speak up for themselves . Is it any wonder , when they are under attack at every turn from people who don 't hold teaching certificates , who never have taken an education class , and who have no more stake in " educational reform " than a politician ? It 's a shame that teachers cannot defend themselves because of the political backlash and push to weaken teacher unions . It 's a bigger shame that instead of using your public standing and credentials to help teachers to have a voice , you are using it to cut us down . Maybe if people listened to the educators , the true experts who actually deserve to have a stake in the discussion , we could fix this " crisis . " In the meantime , those teachers who are dedicated to educational equality will continue to prepare to go back to the classroom in a few short weeks . They will face uncertainty and more stress in an already stressful profession because of your group . But , because they are professionals , those NY educators will approach those students , even those whose parents are filing the suit , with the intent to help them learn and achieve and grow . Who knows ? They may even be effective teachers this year , despite all of the attacks from those who are not experts in their field . The events of the past week in New York State are dealing devastating blows to public education and teachers . Campbell Brown is not stopping her attacks , even after the new evaluation measures have passed as part of Governor Cuomo 's budget . She and her Partnership for Educational Justice are pursuing her lawsuit to challenge tenure and job protection statutes . For more , follow me @ TruthInTeaching , visit TRUTH In Teaching online , and Like TRUTH In Teaching on Facebook . Share this : Share on Facebook ( Opens in new window ) Click to share on Twitter ( Opens in new window ) Click to share on Google + ( Opens in new window ) Click to share on Pinterest ( Opens in new window ) Click to share on LinkedIn ( Opens in new window ) MoreClick to share on Reddit ( Opens in new window ) Click to email ( Opens in new window ) Like this : Like Loading . . . Posted in Teaching , What the Hell ? Tagged Campbell Brown , educational equality , Stephen Colbert , teacher bashing , teacher tenure , teacher union , Teaching 72 Comments Posted on June 22 , 2014July 14 , 2014 by baileyshawley I remember my very first day as a classroom teacher in my first teaching position . I was fortunate enough to have had a fantastic , dedicated , amazing ( enter any glowingly sappy description here because she was all of these things and more ) cooperating teacher during my twelve - week student teaching placement , and I had no fears about teaching on my own when she missed two weeks of school due to pneumonia . The substitutes let me do my own thing , and I felt very confident and comfortable in a notoriously tough middle school . So , when I interviewed with two districts before I graduated from college with a BA in English Literature and PA Secondary English Teaching Certificate in my hand , I felt fairly good about my chances of landing my first teaching position . Not only did my first district hire me before I graduated , but they also paid me to write curriculum over the summer before starting my new position . And , not to toot my own horn , but I had been in the top of my high school and college graduating classes , had received several writing honors in both high school and college , and received several thousand dollars in academic scholarships . Confidence in the classroom and in myself had never been a problem , neither as a student nor as a student teacher . That all changed when I became THE TEACHER . I never subbed a day in my life , so I was not sure what it would be like to face a roomful of teens without the safety net of my cooperating teacher or one of her substitutes . That first morning , I shook for the entire forty - five minute drive to school . I hadn 't slept for one second the night before , and I hadn 't eaten for two days ( for me , that was a big deal - I love to sleep and eat ) . I paced inside my classroom and hid from colleagues and administrators who tried to track me down and wish me luck . I looked at the class lists again and again , trying to memorize my seating chart and imagine what the faces attached to those names would look like . When that very first morning bell rang , I was ready to puke , faint , and run away screaming all at the same time . I didn 't know what I was going to say , how I was going to earn their respect and trust , or why I had wanted to become a teacher in the first place . It wasn 't that I hadn 't prepared . I had spent weeks planning lessons and icebreaker activities and gathering advice from my new colleagues . To this day , I can 't remember who walked into my room first or what I said at any point during the school day . I merely remember thinking one thing , and the thought was stuck on Repeat for the entire day : " People are trusting me with their children ? WHAT THE HELL ? " This became the first of many " What the Hell ? " moments in my eleven - year teaching career , but only one of several hundred " What the Hell ? " moments in my lifetime . At some point , they may all end up on this blog . Share this : Share on Facebook ( Opens in new window ) Click to share on Twitter ( Opens in new window ) Click to share on Google + ( Opens in new window ) Click to share on Pinterest ( Opens in new window ) Click to share on LinkedIn ( Opens in new window ) MoreClick to share on Reddit ( Opens in new window ) Click to email ( Opens in new window ) Like this : Like Loading . . . Posted in Teaching , What the Hell ? Tagged anxiety , first day of school , new teacher , Teaching , What the Hell ? 2 Comments Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this :
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June 28th - July 16th . The long post . In a way I 'm sorry I don 't have enough strength to write this blog more regularly . . then again . . heck , there 's nothing to feel sorry about when my life 's so busy and awesome that I barely have enough time to sleep not to mention blogging about it . It 's summer ! I think I 'll have more time in autumn . . then again . . who knows ? Right now it looks like September is going to be a pretty busy month as well . Now I 'm going to write shortly about a period of about 2 weeks maybe more . . my memory does not understand the concept of time . It was the first Thursday I had to work at The Club ' cause our boss thought it would be a good idea . Which it was not . I got a call from Sweden saying that they 'll need my help with the puppies . . so I was kind of excited about the following trip to Sweden . There was absolutely nothing to do at The Club so we juggled with balls , played a little soccer , drank Tequila shots with Rita and by the end of the night I ended up in Leningrad which is a pretty awesome place for alternative people . Rita came with me and she didn 't like that place ' cause there was some terribly drunk couple sleeping in one of the couches and ' cause the public seemed to not understand her style . Well . . sadly as it is most of the alternative thinking and dressing people do not support regular or even chick persons . I think it 's ' cause they 've been hurt by these " cool people " so many times in the school or other social events that it is quite hard for them to accept " cool people " in their " safe spots " of alternative pubs and other gatherings . Not everyone is as forgiving and open minded as should be . Anyway Rita left that place like about 10 minutes after to take a cab and drive home while I sat there and talked with about 4 different guys about pretty much everything that came upon our minds till I had to catch my home bus . A pretty much regular night at the Club but with loads of really awesome people coming over and cheering me up ! Madara came with her friend Jūlija and flashed me by almost taking their shirts off . Then Mojo asked if it was the first time girls did something like this and I answered that I 've been flashed by more girls . Well . . it was partly true . I 've been flashed by more girls but not in The Club . You see . . I 've got these pretty cool girl friends Alīna Even Anze and Endija and we 've been flashing trams in the middle of the night near Statoil station . ' Cause life is short and we were young . It was a pretty awesome night indeed . I worked together with Valeria , the other waitress I once picked out of the crowd . She 's pretty cool ! Not as awesome as Rita . . but it 's really hard to compete , isn 't it ? ! I was keeping myself sober , but Valeria got awfully drunk and when she had to count all the soft drinks and cigarettes she made loads of mistakes . I had pretty bad stomach ache and a huge case of laziness so I decided to count the alcohol on Monday . I woke up at about 5pm and did absolutely nothing . Okay . . I made some smoothies , watched Spider Man movie and talked with my awesome friend Shay . That 's about it . I woke up just in time for my buss to Rīga , counted all the alcohol , re - counted all the soft drinks and other products since I didn 't trust Valeria on Sunday morning . I 'm glad I did so ' cause there were some mistakes . Then le wild idea appeared . You see . . when I 'm counting the alcohol I use a glass to hold my funnel . . and the glass gets pretty much a drop for every bottle I count . . so I added some coke to these leftovers and was happily boozing on that . Thinking that if I die ' cause of this . . it might as well be the funniest death ever yet considering that I must not be the first bartender who does something like that . Also I had a cigarette that tasted like weed so I was pretty curious to ask my boss whether or not he 's ever been smoking Marijuana . Sadly I did not ' cause there was the owner of The Club right next to him . After that I called Elza to ask whether or not she 's working . . she were so I decided to do something fun on my own . . took a bus to Gemoss and bought me some delightful things like a new shiny red shaker , a big bottle of Grenadine syrup , a new wooden masher , a bottle of Worcester sauce and a pack of straws . Got home and made a really tasty virgin smoothie in Barbie pink colour out of bananas , grenadine and milk . Did another smoothie for breakfast , this time adding Strawberries to the previous recipe . Printed out the ferry tickets . Packed my bag and drove down to the port . Met my mother and Apollons , the Great Dane puppy we had to transfer to the new owner . Registered and blah blah blah . . you know how it all goes . If you wonder . . there are special cabins for people traveling with animals on board . The animals are not allowed to leave the rooms though . So this is how Apollons slept during his 17 hours on the boat . He was acting like a proper Great Dane and was calm and cheerful for all the trip . He didn 't mind the small sofa for his sleep either . I was getting bored so I wandered around the ship , bought me some beers and a pack of Cards . Those are pretty awesome cards for every card has a different cocktail recipe on it . 17 hours on a ferry ! I didn 't know it would be so long . . you know . . it takes only about 8 hours to fly to Minneapolis from Amsterdam . . Oh well . . ferries are slow . I woke up it was 7 , I waited ' til 11 , to figure out that no one would call sang Pierre Bouvier the Simple Plan singer . . and I could basically do the same on Wednesdays morning . ' Cause it 's all true except that I had loads of text messages coming in from Lars . We left the ferry , Apolons finally had the chance to go to the toilet , which he most happily used . Then we met Lars , who 's the new owner of the dog , did all the paper gangsta money transfer work . I said my last goodbyes to Apolons , hugged him and left for the city center . The first thing I had to do was . . to buy a buss ticket so I could get back to the harbor on time . The first thing I actually did . . I bought a pair of jeans . I love to buy jeans . . I buy them everywhere I go . 😀 Then I visited some tourist shops to find a new shot glass for my shot glass collection which basically consists of 3 different shot glasses - one from Colorado with a bear in it , one from Spain ( Madaras gift ! ) and now . . one from Sweden . I started to collect these glasses only about two months ago so fcuk you . I 'm going to make this collection huge . lol . Also at the souvenir shop a kind Swedish man gave me a map . And the first thing I noticed on the map was . . that there 's Hard Rock Cafe in Stockholm ! ! ! Then I went for seven eleven ' cause I thought it should be a perfect place to buy a friggin bus ticket . . but it was not so . Found one of those tourist guides in green uniforms and asked where the hell can I get a bus ticket . . they told me to go down to the train station . Luckily enough there really was tickets there . . but geez . . public transport is pretty expensive in Stockholm . I paid 70 SEK for 1 ride . . alright , so whatever . Then I got into some of the most awesome alternative clothing shops I 've ever seen . . but I kept in mind that there 's one thing I need to visit at all costs . . the Hard Rock Cafe ! ! ' Cause I thought Shay have not been there yet ( and later on , when sitting in the Hard Rock Cafe and sipping on my Hurricane cocktail , I proved it to be right whileJuly 5th . Thursday . Woke up , packed my bag , helped my mother with hers , called my dentist to say that I won 't make it on time for the appointment so scheduled it for the next week . Called Rita to ask what did she want from me , told her that yes , indeed , we do have to work tonight . Called my brother to come pick us up at the port ' cause I 'm not going to go down the street with a huge pack of beer in one hand and a big bag of other stuff in the other one . Then got off the ferry . . which was pretty fun ' cause there I met this couple of really drunk Russians who ran around the ferry barely clothed and saying things like xcuse me miscuzi . . and that 's the exact way I found them yesterday when the ferry was leaving Stockholm . Then there were loads of other guys who were musing over me ' cause normally it 's a guy who leaves the ferry with a pack of beer . Saying things like " whoa . . that 's something ! I 'd marry her ! " But there I was . . 24 cans of beer in my right hand , Hard Rock Cafe souvenir bag in my left hand , cheerful and smiling as always , being me . So I met my brother who was quite happy for the beer and then we got home . I took a long and refreshing shower . . then I had to go to work . While chilling at the Club , Madara called me and asked whether or not would I like her to buy a bottle of Ballantines . To be honest . . I was pleasantly surprised ! I didn 't even know she 'd work on Thursday . But of course I said that it would be really awesome if she did ! And so in about 15 minutes there she was all shining with joy , a little frustrated for the work , and with a bottle of Ballantines in her hands . She told our boss about it . . so we had to drink it all before the work . . and all of our co workers helped us to do so 😀 The rest of the night I was playing cards with Rita , our bar guard and later with some clients as well . . chilling . ' Cause there 's no work on Thursdays . At about 3am the bar was closed and while Rita couldn 't decide what would she want to do . . Madara told me that she was ravenous , so we went to LuLu pizJuly 6th . Friday . Rita took a bottle of Ballantines to The Club . I don 't know why . . but she just did . And so we drank it and partied . . all night long 🙂 It was pretty much another regular night at Club , no fireworks or anything like that . I was a bit tired from partying since well . . you know the story . . But it was fun ! I liked it ! Madara came with a pink shirt . At least it looked pink . Then she took another shirt and that was ugly , but she had to work in it ' cause Juris said so or something . I worked with Valeria and we partied , I even kept myself sober . . till the very morning when The Club celebrated its 2nd Birthday ! Guess what did I drink again ? ' Course ! Ballantines . . this time with Coke though . So here it is . . the big family photo of the Club . I overslept the party I had to attend in Cena , so I ringed up Inese and told her that I 'd visit her another day . Then I chilled around my home . Watching movies and playing games with my brother . Yeah . . the counting day ! I think I walked through a ghost while getting down to my bar but otherwise everything was alright . Also I met my new co worker . . a blond barmaid . I don 't know much about her yet though . . haven 't had enough of time to talk to her . Actually . . I don 't even really want to . I don 't like her face . I 'm sorry but it 's like that . . I have a really strong sense for people and she just is not my kind of a person . Then afterwards I had two options - to go to Madona and meet my dad or to go to Vecumnieki and attack Ridley by surprise . I chose to visit Ridley aka Sindija aka DiiDii aka my former chef . 😀 So I did that . It was pretty cool . My first time in Vecumnieki and all . I don 't remember that day . I think I did nothing or maybe I did something I can 't remember ' cause it 's bad . Maybe I murdered someone . Oh well . . oh no . . hey . . I do remember it after all ! I was at the dentist ! No wonder it was so hard to remember it . I have a really short memory for things I do not like . . but this one has a pretty fun story to tell . So . . as you may or may not know . . I 'm terribly afraid of dentists . I rather live with a graveyard in my mouth than visit one of those guys . But I had to ' cause it felt like zombies in my mouth might want to start to plot a revenge . So I did . . this was my first time there ' cause usually I go to one really old dentist who knows me for ages and understand my fear . As I come in the info room , say my name and my time of appointment the girl asks me . . and what 's the name of your doctor ? I stand there like a moron ' cause I don 't know the answer till she allows me to make myself comfy on the sofa and wait . So I sit and I wait . . about 20 minutes or so . While doing so I get more and more afraid … I see there 's a blond woman in her 40ties walking around with a face you could easily mistake for a USSR sculpture ' cause it 's that cold . . and a huge . . and when I say huge I mean enormous needle in her hand . That makes me shrink . . I feel like I 'm a vampire who 's just about to have it 's fangs taken away . The other thing that scares me is . . everyone is talking in Russian . Then comes another doctor . . who 's apparently bored and asks who am I . Then in about 2 minutes I finally get to sit in the dentist chair with an old lady scrutinizing my teeth . . I think she needs better glasses for she says that there 's nothing really bad with them , then I get an X - ray picture of some teeth , then the lady says that she won 't give me any sedatives ' cause she 's going to work with the dead material anyway . So no big needles for me , yeah ! 🙂 The old lady speaks funny Latvian , but I don 't mind . . she drills my teeth away until . . it falls out . Then she stares at me fJuly 11 . Wednesday . My brother woke me up ' cause he was playing Novuss downstairs . . so I decided to join him . While playing the game , I called Inese to confirm that she 's got a free evening so I can visit her later . Also I called up my dad to ask when he 'd be happy to see me . In about two hours my I was sitting in a train with Martini Asti and some gifts in my bag for Inese , to meet her and Ļena . Then I met those ladies and we proceeded to meet Valērijs . He was listening to some fun Russian verses of Lady Gaga songs in his car . And so we stopped by a shop to buy some more sparkling wine and beer . Then back to Ineses place where we met Jānis , Māris , Ivars , Intars , Estere and later on Marta , who 's got a really good singing voice . Celebrating the Birthday in country style - drinking sparkling wine and eating grilled meat . Marta sang for us . Ivars and Intars made a huge bonfire out of old tires when it was getting dark outside . It was a good night . Madara texted me to ask what was I doing . . so I told her that I was partying with my friends but we could go to the Old Riga if she wanted ' cause at that time I thought that I don 't really have a place to stay in Cena . She couldn 't go outside herself so we decided to see each other on Thursday . And when I said that I should leave for the last train to Riga to get home I suddenly had 3 different homes I could stay at for the night . I stayed with Ļena . We talked till about 2 am in the morning , then I got to sleep . . my mobile phone and my iPod was out of charge so I don 't know the exact time when I woke up . But when I did it was all bright outside and I thought that it would be soon till Ļena wakes me up for she has to go to work . So I took my book and read it for what it felt like hours . . then I was afraid that Ļena forgot about me and drove away without me in the morning , also I felt really thirsty , so I went to the kitchen . . it took me about 10 minutes to find a cup for water . 😀 Then I checked the clock and it was 5 . 57 am . . Ļena would wake up only in an hour . . so July 12 . Thursday . So Inese came in and we drove to Tīraine , where I took a train to get home . There I was happy to take a shower and change my clothes . Also I met Rita and Edijs . Rita said that I 'm a bad girl for not being at home when she 's coming to visit me and then she had to drive away . 😀 I argued with myself for about good 4 minutes on which jeans to wear or what kind of cosmetic should I put on . And on a normal day I don 't use cosmetics at all . . but this was a day I had to meet my father . And my father is really important to me . He 's one of those persons I can trust . He 'll never be too happy about me either . Even if I get a million dollar worth house right next to a beach or an apartment with a view over Manhattan he 'll be like . . " and that 's it ? ! you should try more to impress me ! " . I love him . but I also fear him . So yeah . . then I took a bus back to Rīga . . and met my father , he took some pictures of me and my brother and then we walked around the city , met his new wife , and decided to eat pizza in Chili pizzeria . I had only an hour till I had to meet Madara ' cause she had only about 2 hours till she had to go to work . So I drank a glass of orange juice and excused myself . An hour with my father is really a lot . A lot of stress . Also a lot of joy . He 's a strong personality . I wish one day I 'll be just like him but in my own way . So then I met Madara who was completely starving ' cause she thought she 's fat or something . She 's nowhere near fat ! Trust me . I 'm not saying this ' cause I 'm her friend . . I 'm saying this ' cause it 's true . And starving then stuffing oneself with food does not make you thinner . . actually it does the exact opposite thing . We went to the white Cocos where I had some excellent shrimp with sweet chili sauce while she ate her salads . . and finished my shrimps ' cause . . I was already stuffed . I 'm eating like chicken , at least that 's what my mother , my brother and my granny always say . 😀 I had a Flying Kangaroo cocktail which was . . oh this is going to be iJuly 13 . Friday . I played loads of Novuss with Rita , Jānis , Daniela and Agnese , then I got to work . I worked with Valeria . . but she felt really bad . All night I texted with Madara and drank with a really thin skin and bones Russian girl Ania . . so I got drunk on Long Island Ice Teas and was a cheery bartender . Danced all night long . . happily . Karīna came in and so we chatted a little bit . I managed to get her to get a discount card for Kiwi , The Club and Jautrā Lapsa . But I 'll have to wait for about two months to get it . In the morning there was a guy who had waited for me the whole night so we could talk . . but I didn 't have time for talking to strangers so I ran for the bus . Valeria brought me her awesome mascara as a present . I don 't know why . . but I still think it 's kind of a nice gift 🙂 Then we talked and laughed a bit about everything . . I even showed what I can do with my legs and she was quite surprised . . said I was yoga . 😀 Also we found a common childhood secret 😀 Then came this girl I had a crush on about 4 months ago . . and she looked really interested in me . . so there was really only one thing spinning in my head " what the hell is going on ? " while we danced with a bar counter separating us . There are only few people for whom I 'm going to get on the other side of the bar counter while working . I think we danced for about half an hour . Then finally came some of her friends and took her away . The rest of the night was quite calm . . in the morning came Mark and suggested that I drink some shots with him and the girls from Kiwi bar . So we did . And then the night was over and I had to go home again . Oh and since the bar was closed and there was something like 10 percent change that someone would come inside . . as I felt like changing my T shirt I looked at the camera said something along the line " Have a happy striptease Juris ( boss ) " and changed the shirt in the bar . . and as I was out of my shirt Juris came down the stairs and said . . " whoa . . Helsa . . what are you doing ? Striptease ? ? " and I was like . . yeah . . the live show 😀 And got the other shirt on . Today I did absolutely nothing . And I 'm absolutely happy about it . Oh . . alright . . I played Novuss and invented a new cocktail for myself . It 's Gin , Squeezed Lemon Juice , Tonic , Creme de Cassis and Angostura Bitter . It 's in light pink color and tastes marvelous ! Watched Alexander the Great . And got to know that I 'm flying to Crete on July 29 , if fortunate . : ) ) ) Tomorrow I 'm going to count the alcohol again and see Madara 🙂
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On this day six years ago , at the corresponding moment of this post , my son was exactly one hour old . I had delivered him ( after a two - day medical dance of IV pitocin , raised and lowered doses , fetal monitors , anticipation , frustration with the stalling process of induction . . . ) , and I had held him close to my heart , touching skin - to - skin after nine months of wondering what that moment would be like . Then he was whisked off to the NICU . I was too exhausted to think straight ; my blood pressure too high to be calm , and yet I had no energy left to be anything but . I wondered when I would see my son next - the fact that I 'd had a son took time to sink in , as we had elected to wait until birth to discover the baby 's gender - and I wondered whether it was somehow my fault that he was in an incubator and not sharing my postpartum room . It turned out to be something fairly common ( who knew ? ) with a horrible sounding name : he had a pneumothorax , a tiny air leak from the lung tissue into the space outside the airways . The pediatric specialist in the NICU explained that this happened sometimes during the initial air exchange , when a newborn is first required to breathe on his own . Perhaps it had something to do with the fact that when my son was born , the umbilical cord was around his neck . I don 't know . The condition was monitored , and in the space of four days , it resolved on its own and my son came home . On the night of April 30 , 2003 , though , I just remember an odd collision of emotion : elation and anticlimax as I lay in bed alone , unable to caress or feed the baby I 'd carried to term with such care and unfocused ( but intense ) love . Later , we 'd make up for it , my son and I . We 'd take naps together , his tiny body sleeping peacefully on my own rising and falling chest , his fingers curled tightly around my thumb . We 'd become inseparable , and learn to read each other 's faces . Now , six years later , that initial separation seems insignificant . Then , it was emptiness and longing mixed with the contradictory feeling of havinPosted by I remember never understanding why people complained about allergies . I assumed it was some kind of psychosomatic thing , something possibly without merit . I didn 't know anyone who had allergy problems , and I myself had never had even the slightest symptom . I also thought this somehow meant I was of heartier stock - maybe it was my Greek immigrant family history that had something to do with it . I couldn 't imagine anyone on my mom 's side of the family ever complaining of allergies ; it seemed such an American condition . My father had allergies , asthma , hay fever , too , I think , when he was growing up . I remember him telling me that he was allergic to goldenrod and many other things . But long before I was born , he outgrew all of it , and I never saw him with itchy eyes , runny nose , and so forth , despite outings in nature . There were seasonal allergies , which I 'd heard about for a long time , and then suddenly people had peanut allergies and wheat allergies . . . I rolled my eyes , because little did I know . I do still think that a prevalence of allergies seems particularly American ; or maybe it 's just our intolerance for any kind of discomfort . Maybe in other nations , people just suffer in greater silence , with a feeling of resignation . We are generally a soft population . Perhaps I , too , have turned soft in the past decade or so . It was not until I reached my early thirties ( actually , maybe I was just thirty , or thirty - one tops ) that I realized how uncomfortable seasonal allergies can be . For some reason , they hit me full force one spring , and now they return yearly in varying degrees of intensity . Today is the second day this season that I 've battled symptoms , and it 's making me miserable . The worst for me has to be itchy eyes ; I 'd like to tear them out of my head . And I 'm so distracted that all I can remember to write about now was that first cursed day . It was , I think , spring of 2001 . I was on my way to the Upper West Side of Manhattan to meet a friend for coffee . As I set out from my apartment , my eyes began to getPosted by When I was living in Paris in the spring of 1991 , I went out at night as much as possible . Mostly this was to escape my dysfunctional and completely inhospitable host family . If people visited , then I crashed in their hotels . If there were no family or friends from home in town , then I often had an evening of dinner and music and sometimes dancing with my French professor , a woman with the initials E . F . ( see another post about her here ) . She lived in the Latin Quarter ; I was on the other side of the city . Not much of a trip on the Paris Métro , but quite a long walk . I think the last train of the night - the famous " dernier métro " - was at around 1 : 30 in the morning , and service didn 't start up again until sometime in the 5 : 00 a . m . hour . Of course , being used to the 24 - hour convenience ( if dubious late - night safety ) of the subway system in New York City , the fact of the trains shutting down often escaped my mind . So I 'd miss the last train , and although it was late , I 'd set off with my air of twentysomething invincibility , fully prepared to enjoy the night air of springtime in Paris . Once , though , all it took was the cumulative effect of too much wine , water , and tea to make me realize that I was not invincible and that the enemy in this case was my own body . Sure enough ( we 'll call it Murphy 's Law ) I was well off the beaten path , well away from the late - night spots on the Champs - Elysées , making my way along either Avenue de Wagram or Boulevard Malesherbes when the call of nature came , urgently . Nothing open , not for blocks in any direction . The internal debate started : could I make it back to the host family 's apartment in time ? I started walking faster , but it was absolutely no use . And this is when I did what probably any Parisian - certainly any male , anywhere in the world - would do : I decided to relieve myself on the street . When you 've got to go , you 've got to go , and of course any woman would have done the same rather than soil her clothes . It 's just a little more tricky when you 're female . I ducked doPosted by I have to say : my son has a wonderful P . E . teacher , and he ( my son ) is only in kindergarten . Unless there 's a big hole in my memory , I did not have a coach or a P . E . class until I was in middle school . Kindergarten was kind of like a one - room schoolhouse , without much of a curriculum other than learning how to " get along . " The two elementary schools I attended - one a private school in Chicago , the other a public school in L . A . - did not have physical education classes , or really any organized sports activities at all . We had recess , though in Chicago I remember watching the older kids practice field hockey . The school in Chicago was K - 12 , so there were junior varsity and varsity teams , but as I was only there from first through fourth grades , I knew nothing about these . The kids our age just ran around outside playing tag . In the fifth and sixth grades ( still considered elementary school in L . A . ) , same thing . There was recess . There was lunch . There were games of four - square and double - dutch , and sometimes someone had a Lemon Twist or hula hoop , but in general I did my best to stay away from the concrete basketball courts or other physical play spaces . They were always overrun with tough kids . Plus , I just didn 't care about sports . I got a lot of exercise - more than the average child , I 'll bet - but my time was mostly spent in a dance studio , with the occasional weekend bike ride to the beach or roller skating outing . Until I reached seventh and eighth grades , my lack of sports interest was not an issue . In my new school , however , which was a private 7 - 12 middle and high school prep academy , I ran into trouble . From my point of view , the trouble was one Coach Hooker . Coach Hooker was a woman of average height and build ; she had dirty blond hair that was styled short and straight ; I remember her with a light blue polo shirt , navy shorts , a silver whistle around her neck , and a very clunky black stopwatch on her wrist . I also remember for some reason that she drove a light blue Ford Pinto - the kind of hatchback Posted by The first time I heard someone singing opera in live performance was not in a theater as you might expect . In the 1980s I was living with my parents in Los Angeles , but they did not take me to the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion for opera . No , the first time I heard the passion of , specifically , Italian opera was while eating a plate of pasta at a restaurant on Wilshire Boulevard in Santa Monica called Verdi : ristorante di musica . Verdi opened twenty - six years ago , in 1983 , and it quickly became one of my family 's favorite places . We were regulars and got to know the manager , a man probably close to seven feet tall , who was a singer himself , I believe , or had been - I remember thinking it interesting that his first and last names were really both first names : Chuck Frank . ( How do I remember that ? ) The food was fabulous . I ordered classic Italian standbys such as angel hair pasta pomodoro ( the pasta was fresh and deliciously eggy , the tomatoes pleasantly acidic and sweet ) , sometimes veal scaloppini with its lemon - buttery goodness . I don 't remember what my parents ordered , but I know they always raved about their food as well . Dessert was always the same , at least for me : a chocolate mousse cake of just - right intensity that had perfectly crisp and airy toasted meringue fingers around the outside edge . I loved the way the two textures , smooth creamy mousse and crunchy sugar meringue , melted together in my mouth . But a sweeter moment came when the lights in the restaurant were dimmed and the small stage in the center of the dining room gleamed in the spotlight . We always sat at the same table when we ate there : one that was to the center right of the stage , raised a level higher to see perfectly over the heads in front . Actually , I 'm pretty sure that there were no bad seats in the intimate restaurant . Onto the stage would step one of the regular singers hired by restaurant owners Sheila and Bernie Segal , or perhaps by Chuck Frank . The singers were generally young , perhaps at the beginnings of their careers , but all operatiPosted by It was not an everyday treat , rather an indulgence . In Chicago in the 1970s , when I was in the earliest years of elementary school , my parents would sometimes get the car ( which was used on weekends and for road trips ) and drive northwest to the city 's Ravenswood neighborhood , stopping at 2458 West Montrose Avenue . This is the address for Lutz Continental Café and Pastry Shop , which I 'm happy to learn is still there ( though no longer operated by its founders , Mr . and Mrs . Fred C . Lutz ) . The authentic Bavarian pastry shop , also called a " konditorei , " was opened as a corner store in 1948 in its present location . In the mid - 1970s , when we frequented Lutz , the shop had just expanded to include the café and an enclosed , seasonal garden space . If we ate meals there , however , I don 't remember them at all . About Lutz I remember only one thing : marzipan . This was the place where , to my knowledge , I first tried the traditional confection of almond paste and sugar . Never before or since in any pastry shop I 've visited in the U . S . have I seen a selection of marzipan treats to rival the display at Lutz . I would likely have to make a trip to Luebeck , Germany , the proclaimed home of marzipan , in order to come close or else surpass it . The marzipan at Lutz was kept in the last of several long pastry cases set end to end along the left - hand side of the shop when you first walked in . Along the right - side wall , I believe there were a few small tables and chairs , and this is where I remember sitting to eat whatever treat I selected that day . The thing about the marzipan was not so much the taste , which was always delicious , very fresh and moist ( dried - out marzipan is a confectionery crime ) , but rather the alluring , fanciful figures into which it had been shaped by hand and precisely painted with food dyes . I remember fruits , of course , and also animals : frogs , ladybugs , dogs , horses . . . I 'm sure there were dozens more . I remember wondering if the fruit shapes tasted like what they represented ( they didn 't , which was fine since IPosted by No , it is not what you think , get your mind out of the gutter . The etiquette in question is oenological , not sexual , although another writer might well draw parallels between the adult pleasures of wine , sensuality , and physical arousal . For a wine professional , of course , it is really no question at all . Faced with a long lineup of vintages for tasting , the thing to do is to sip , swish , and spit . Etiquette likely isn 't even a concern ; it 's just standard practice , reflexive . For a twentysomething woman raised with good manners , who has never been on a wine tasting before , however , spitting is just not an easy thing to do . These days , of course , I know better . I am the wife of a sommelier , and after ten years of dating and marriage , I have been to enough tastings to know that any highfalutin idea of manners may be safely ( and should prudently be ) forgotten . But back in 1998 , I knew no such thing . In October of that year , I traveled to southwest France to meet my husband ( then just a boyfriend ) on his home turf for the first time . He was there for a two - week visit ; I , due to a series of writing deadlines , could spare four days only . They were a blur of jet lag and jitters ( meeting family I already suspected might become in - laws one day ) ; they were a whirlwind of names , faces , and altogether too much foie gras . And , on one all - day road trip through the appellations of Corbières and Minervois , I was initiated into the world of professional wine tasting . We were three : my husband ( I 'll call him that throughout , to make things simple ) , a friend and fellow wine professional I 'll call P . , and me . We set out mid - morning by car and went to a vineyard in Minervois . For the life of me I cannot at the moment recall the name of this first property , but I do remember the walking tour of the grounds , on which stood an old " capitelle , " or shepherd 's dwelling , which was a hut made of stone . It was a sunny day , and the light warmed the stones to the touch . I did a rough sketch in my notebook . We sampled some red wine , and this is Posted by I don 't consider myself a phobic person . I have never been afraid of heights ( though I have blogged about a recent fear of flying , here ) ; in fact , I have been skydiving and loved the experience . I am not fearful of things like speaking in public or needles or spiders . I am not afraid to take creative risks or to make mistakes . I am not , strictly speaking , afraid of the dark . However , on this last item , I have to confess : it depends on what is meant by " dark . " For most of my life , I thought I knew what darkness was - I don 't mean metaphoric darkness ; I 'm talking about the lack of light at midnight . But I was raised primarily in large cities - New York , Chicago , L . A . - and in a city like this , the darkness is never complete . There is always a light - leak from someplace . You get ready for bed , turn off the lights , and at most it takes your eyes a few seconds to adjust before you see outlines of objects emerging from shadow . If you have a window in your bedroom , then you sleep with some gradation of light ; not even a " blackout shade " keeps out every particle . With this urban background for context , here now is what I remember about the first night sleeping in my mother - in - law 's house in the far suburbs of Toulouse : It was a new house ; rather , it was new for her . She had moved into this particular house about two days before I married my husband in a church ceremony in Carcassonne , in front of nearly one hundred people , some of whom had traveled across borders , channels , and oceans to attend the ceremony . It was a hectic time . We were staying with other family until after our honeymoon in Greece , but when we returned to France , we stayed with my mother - in - law . In her former house ( which had been a rental ) , the shutters on the windows had been the old - fashioned kind that open out to the exterior of the house : wooden , hinged , heavy , but that still let in slivers of light when closed . As anyone familiar with the French language knows , these heavy European shutters are called " volets . " Nowadays , it is more popular ( only inPosted by I drove into Stonington , Maine , for the first time under cover of night . Still on the interstate when darkness fell , I had no way of knowing what would meet my eyes in the morning . Night up in Maine makes a city dweller rethink darkness completely . When was the last time I had driven on streets without streetlamps ? Only the car 's headlights to guide me down the twisting coastal road of 15 South , heading to Blue Hill , then farther down and over the bridge to Deer Isle ; down the eastern length of the island to Stonington at its tip . In darkness , the senses of sound and smell are heightened : rolling down the window , the aroma of pine came in on a current of cold air that carried with it also a chorus of insect song . Due to my late arrival in Stonington , keys had been left for me in an envelope in a box at the office of the inn where I was staying . Tired , I dispensed with the necessary bedtime tasks , turned off the overhead light , and saw a single rippling gleam on the water . I slept deeply , without dreams . At sunrise came the full - on shock of disorientation , of complete transportation - a surreal sense of having entered another world without quite knowing how - a result of my blind arrival . The journey had been long ( about ten hours ) , but so much of it withheld from view that the transformation seemed instantaneous . I hadn 't realized I was so close to the water , the piers . I walked around the tiny fishing village in the early morning , listening to hungry gulls and the sound of moorings . Low clouds made everything dull white and silver , diffused light bathing a landscape of water - washed rock , tall pine peninsula . Stonington is a hard - working community of commercial fishermen and also home to many artists ; docks and galleries side by side . Worlds collide at the Harbor Café , where I 'd go for coffee and poached eggs early in the morning ( you were late if you ambled in at 6 : 00 ) . Sitting at a table , waking up slowly with a notebook in reach , I 'd listen to revealing stories , snippets of which I still remember : a young wriPosted by When my family lived in Southport , Connecticut , we would go on occasion to an Indian restaurant in Fairfield . I can still see in my mind 's eye the dark green awning with white lettering that spelled . . . something . Or maybe I 'm confusing the awning with a different Indian place ; that 's possible . Anyway , I can 't remember the name of the restaurant , though probably my parents do . I 'll have to ask them . I 'm pretty sure that this was the only Indian cuisine available in Fairfield at that particular time ( late 1980s ) , and it was lucky for us that the food was good . Quite good . The people who owned the restaurant were nice , too ; the kind of people you wish to succeed . I have the feeling that the restaurant closed eventually , though - after my parents had already moved away and Fairfield in general turned into a consignment store haven . At the restaurant , we always ordered the same dishes , the ubiquitous items that have assimilated best into the American " ethnic " idea : paratha , nan , raita , chicken saag , lamb vindaloo or tandoori chicken , vegetable biryani . ( We didn 't order mango lassis , though now we can 't go into an Indian restaurant and hope to avoid one , at least not if my son is with us . ) This restaurant was fairly small , with maybe a dozen tables maximum . They dressed the tables with white cloths , served the food on nice white china . Going there was always a good experience . It was to this restaurant that we took my paternal grandmother for her first Indian meal when she came up from Florida to visit . She was very close to ninety if she hadn 't passed that milestone already , and we all remember how adventurous she was in trying new flavors , new preparations . She loved the spicy heat of the food . But this is all beside the point , not the main memory that got me writing tonight . What I remember this evening is one particular dinner , probably during a weeknight and quite early ; there were not many other customers in the restaurant at that time . My parents and I sat at a square table to the left of the dining room , onePosted by I was in my late teens , I remember . And I believe this was during my freshman year of college , as I moved off campus into my own apartment , where I lived alone for the rest of my undergraduate years . It could have been earlier , but it doesn 't really matter . What matters is that this was a moment when I was taking a step toward independent , solitary living , and my father wanted to make sure that I was prepared . In terms of practical responsibility and emotional maturity , yes - but on this day also in terms of a toolbox . We went , the two of us , to a little mom - and - pop kind of hardware store in Fairfield , Connecticut , and talked about the basics . I didn 't need much , Dad said , but I needed to be able to fix some things , to be self - reliant and not have to call a superintendent or handyman ( emphasis on man ) for matters that required only the right tool and a little bit of elbow grease . The first thing we did was pick out a box . It was small , rectangular , and fairly flat , made of metal and painted candy apple red . We walked the narrow aisles of the store together and surveyed the gadgets . Into the toolbox we placed a hammer , a box of nails , a pair of pliers , a wrench ( which I never used ) , four screwdrivers ( two flat , two Phillips - head , each in a large and small size ) , a retractable metal tape measure ( the kind with a yellow latch to hold the extended tape in place and a belt - clip to keep it handy ) , plus an assortment of picture - hanging hooks . There may even have been a small roll of narrow black electrical tape and some Crazy Glue . The cashier unpacked everything , rang up all the items , put them back in the box . My dad paid for all of it ; I thanked him ; we drove back home . That 's the memory - a simple errand that took perhaps a total of forty minutes door to door . But of course it was much more than that . Let it first be said up front : my father is not really a DIY kind of guy . Throughout the years , my mother and I learned to feign a mock terror ( well , there was a touch of genuine apprehension mixed in ) whenever my fathPosted by The final panel in a Greek Easter triptych : Friday , Saturday , and now the wee hours of the morning , officially Easter Sunday . " Christos anesti ! " " Alithos anesti ! " He is risen indeed . Leaving church past midnight , through the smoke of celebratory explosives , my mom and I found ourselves following George Kanellopoulos , my grandmother 's cousin on the paternal side , a man who was probably a good twenty years younger than Yiayia , but who now looked the spitting image of my memories of her in her old age . He was , for an evening , a surrogate Greek papou . We went with him to his house over the protestations and histrionics of another cousin of my mother 's ( on her father 's side ) ; she wanted to know why we weren 't going to her house , although we only had learned of her existence moments before . She carried on about how she 'd found us and now we were being taken away , and po po po . . . the Greek tragedy continued behind her own closed doors , while , with some feelings of guilt and remorse that we couldn 't accept every invitation , we went to George 's house to break a fast that we hadn 't observed . The Kanellopoulos house was not large , especially the space to the side of the kitchen that served as a combined dining and living room . For all of us to sit around the table , my mother and I were very nearly perched on the edge of a daybed . We were seven : George ; his wife , Soula ; their daughter Maria , plus Maria 's own daughter , Nancy ; and finally Maria 's partner , Andreas , plus the two of us . Nancy went to sleep immediately , and the rest of us settled in for the most tradition - bound meal of the Orthodox year : mageiritsa ( lamb tripe soup ) , with tsoureki ( a sweet Easter bread ) and boiled eggs that had been dyed the obligatory blood red color on Great Thursday . There was also a salad and some tzatziki ( the famous yogurt - cucumber dip that has made its way onto the menu of every Greek or pseudo - Greek establishment in the States ) . The eggs this year had come out more maroon in color than a proper red , and there was some shrugging of shoulPosted by Darkness , thick and warm on all sides , enveloping us . Standing in a crush of bodies , shoulder to shoulder at the back of Saint Athanasios - the very same church where , a century ago , my grandmother attended Easter services . 2007 now , the pilgrimage made , a dream realized : to attend the resurrection service in the town of Filiatra ; to go to church with relatives , whom we had found only that afternoon ( a story worthy of its own posting ) thanks to the owner of one of the town 's many kiosks . Expectation in the air , candles - this time white ; those of children adorned with ribbons and trinkets - held unlit in eager hands . The lights in the sanctuary were extinguished just before midnight . Only the luminous canopy of this church 's epitaphios , the bier of Christ , now reaches out its gleaming fingers to the congregation . The priest disappears behind the iconostasis . When he bursts back through , it is with joy and no longer grief : he is holding aloft a candle lit from the holy flame of Jerusalem , and as he walks forward , he is met with a rush of worshipers tilting their wicks to his to receive the light . " Receive the light ! " The greeting ripples from row to row as one candle is lit from the next , and slowly the church is illuminated , shadows chased deep into corners , forgotten for another year . The priest walks up and down the aisle , and suddenly there is celebration everywhere in sight and sound ; jingling , pealing , tolling bells shake death and darkness from the room . The words " thanaton " and " zoë , " death and life , ring out repeatedly . Everything is transformed from dark into light , from stillness into motion , from silence to sounds of joy . A man comes from behind the icons , carrying a long pole with a gold finial - he uses it to prod the four large chandeliers in the front of the church , to set them swaying with no thought to any danger ( there is none , apparently ) . The chandeliers rock , sway ; everything is alive and dancing . The prominent icon is changed : an image of the new Christ , risen , framed with white flowers , isPosted by April 2007 . Great and Holy Friday , as it is today in 2009 . I am sitting with my mother in the " women 's section " of the Orthodox church of Agios Nikolaos ( St . Nicholas ) in the sea town of Methoni in the province of Messinia , located in the hand - shaped Peloponnese of Greece . A row of women , perched like crows in their wooden seats , keep watchful eyes on everyone in the church . I am glad to be sitting behind and not before them ; not all of them seem benign . We have each purchased a long , skinny , buff - colored candle , lit it just inside the church doors and pushed it down into a round tray of wheat berries to stand , burning in memory with dozens of others . It is 7 : 30 PM , and we will not leave the church until 11 : 00 - even then , there will be one last ritual to observe . Contrary to expectations , the time passes quickly , awash in sacred sights , sounds , smells . In the center of the church , the epitaphios , symbolic bier of Christ ; it is covered by a canopy of red and white carnations , a garland of more delicate white flowers ( orange blossoms , perhaps ) hanging in graceful loops around the perimeter . As mourners - for that is what we are here - come into the church , they purchase candles as we did . Their stream grows thick and swift , townspeople and relatives who 've migrated to cities ( but who always return for this holiest of days ) pour into the small church ; the sound of coins in the coffers as more candles burn - so many that a man appointed for this task routinely collects and extinguishes them to make room for more . The tide carries the faithful up the center aisle to pluck a handful of rose petals from the baskets of two girls , sprinkle them on the cloth effigy of Christ before planting a kiss . The surface of the bier is covered and re - covered in fragrant roses ; a priest sweeps them to the head and foot of the epitaphios , leaving room for more - more rose petals , more kisses . Look up to the front of the church , and the flickering light of candles dances across the iconostasis , which incorporates icons so elaborately cPosted by At night , tired from a long work day , strange things surface . What would make me remember a story I hadn 't thought about in decades - a story that isn 't even mine , although it belongs to my childhood ? When I was young , I loved to tell jokes . Knock - knock jokes in particular , as my son tells now , and when I was older , jokes from the " Truly Tasteless Jokes " series of books ( I think there were many volumes ; I had at least one of them , with a black cover ) . Then for some reason I stopped being able to remember jokes at all . I 've rarely told any in my adult life , though I like to think I 've managed to keep a sense of humor anyway . The jokes were often quite long , with complicated stories leading up to a punch line . This is probably why , in time , I became unable to tell them . I 'd remember the punch line but not the setup . I do know that some of my old jokes were rather inappropriate , especially for a child telling them . One involved a rip - off artist in a house of ill repute , an inflatable doll , and the punch line , " I bit her ; she farted and flew out the window . " Lovely , yes ? Another joke was a political one that I loved to recite , despite not really knowing who all the players were . It had to do with the president , vice president , the " smartest man in the world " - who was supposed to be Henry Kissinger , as he himself was known to profess - and some kid with his backpack , all in an airplane with engine trouble . But here 's the thing I remember now . It 's not really a joke , just a crazy urban legend story with a sickly , kind of funny ending . I heard about this story from my mom , who saw it in the newspaper in Chicago , I believe , when we were living there ( or else someone sent it to her , but I think not ) . After hearing it , disbelieving that it could actually be true as purported , it became a story I loved to tell , especially at parties and often to grown - ups , who must 've gotten a kick out of my narration . I probably haven 't told it in at least thirty years , but here goes : A woman decides she will host a winter - season dinner pPosted by Every year , we 've got to pay The Man . The Tax Man , I mean . The government . April 15 , time to pay for all that stuff they do that we don 't even know about until it 's too late . Not that there aren 't good uses for tax dollars . But this is not a political blog . It 's a memory . I am in Chicago at the age of twenty - five . I had just left a job with a PR agency to test my hand at something more editorial , and while waiting to land a salaried job I started doing a little freelance work . I had not done it before , so this was a first lesson in entrepreneurship . It was scary , but exhilarating . I did a couple of projects that were passed along to me by a writing teacher who developed a lot of texts for a healthcare - related organization . He landed the jobs , then subcontracted to have me help with certain chapters , usually to do with management tools or patient education in hospital settings . The work was interesting enough , and the pay was okay , though nothing to live on . I kept up my job searching activities - it hadn 't required much to see that I was not quite ready to freelance full time - and a few months later I was offered a job with the Chicago Sun - Times . Fast forward to April of the following year . Tax time . I remember that I was dreadfully sick the week of the fifteenth . I had not had time to deal with taxes yet because I 'd been working a lot of long , crazy hours , and suddenly I was paying the price for letting myself get run down . I almost never called in sick , but this was a rare exception . Although I was sick , I realized that I really needed to do the taxes , and I was afraid that if I waited until my illness passed , then I 'd just be back at work and unable to spare the time . I 'd left this task until the last minute , but it was always easy for me to write up the numbers , do some simple math and ( usually ) wait for a refund . Because I 'd waited to even obtain the forms , though , I had some trouble locating them . I remember dragging my achy body to a couple of post offices , which were all out . A trip down the block becamePosted by It 's raining again . I love the sounds of the city in the rain : the slip slap of wipers , the swoosh of tires on wet pavement , the tapping of drops blown by the wind against my high - rise windows . I relish the sounds - plus the sight of taillights and neon dragging their long , rippling reflections through the blacktop of the avenues - but I confess I 've become a curmudgeon about getting wet . I love the rain most when I 'm warm and dry inside . When did that happen ? I hadn 't realized . I 'm sure it was my son in his big rubber boots and his slick jacket ; my son who , despite loving the thing , never wants to take his umbrella out when it 's raining - I 'm sure it was his enthusiasm for puddles and his wanting to stick his tongue out to catch the drops that made me see how old I 've become , if not in years necessarily then sometimes in attitude . Who is this person , cursing the feel of cold water seeping through an ill - sealed sole ? Who is this person carrying an umbrella ? I used to not even own an umbrella . I remember when I was a teenager , in school up in Michigan . Spring meant water , coming down from a cloud - filled sky or else dripping from rooftops and snowbanks and making mud everywhere . It was the big thaw we 'd been waiting for , the promise that got us through those interminable Februarys . I remember that when it had warmed up enough to have a true spring rain - the kind that refreshes and invigorates rather than punishes - it was cause for celebration . And I remember some dramatic thunderstorms . Was the impulse to stay inside and listen from a distance ? Hell , no . I remember running outside with friends , with one girlfriend in particular , and we 'd find a patch of soggy new grass strip off our shoes if we 'd worn them at all , which often we didn 't . We 'd feel the soft blades between our toes , and we 'd dance in circles , spin around . The harder it rained the better , the bigger the boom of thunder , the more we knew we were alive , and the lightening made everything glow . We 'd dance in the rain , no shoes and not even a coat . We 'd Posted by Senses swimming in a deep , blue hue . An unexpected bath of color , and the feeling of being washed clean . In the intimate , empty auditorium of the Musée Chagall , in Nice , France , I sat in shafts of light made dazzling by the stained - glass windows of the artist 's spiritual genius . Outside , at the base of the hill on which the museum perched , the January air did little to keep beach goers off the Promenade , but my mom and I preferred being inside , in this museum . I am surprised we did not go back daily while in Nice . It was 1990 . I was living my twenty - first year , and in that moment , in front of that three - panel installation of Chagall 's windows , I could allow myself to feel that I was just then , only then , beginning to live . In fact , the windows are called La création du monde , or " The Creation of the World , " dating from 1971 - 1972 . I was two to three years old when they were made , so we were very nearly born at the same time , the windows and I . The auditorium was unexpected . My mom and I had been wandering the white - walled galleries , admiring the canvases - their symbolism , their dreamlike images , their saturated colors . We 'd seen a beautiful mosaic that depicted the astrological signs turning in clockwork fashion around a central biblical figure ( a prophet , I forget which ) ; the mosaic was reflected in a pool of water at its base . From the museum interior ( I don 't know why we didn 't or couldn 't go outside ) , I took a photo of my mother there ; in the photo she is wearing a dark green quilted jacket , and , I think , a necklace of pearls - no , a bracelet ? After touring the museum , we happened upon the auditorium , slipped inside its doors , and were amazed . The auditorium lights were off , but the space was flooded with natural light seeping through the abstract windows , made eerily blue like life - giving water . On the small , semicircular stage a grand piano stood , lid propped open , waiting to send its sound into the light . The rows of chairs were all upholstered in a deep blue meant to camouflage with the windows , nothiPosted by It 's Easter - at least in the non - Orthodox world - and , setting aside the commercial lure of bunnies and bonnets , creme eggs and Peeps , I consider it a day for two visual symbols : it 's a day for crosses and lilies . I saw both in church this morning . A processional cross and candle announced the beginning of the service ; potted white Easter lilies stood front and center , amid an explosion of springtime color in bloom ( an embarrassment of floral riches at the foot of the pulpit ) . I have to say , I don 't pay much attention to lilies at any other time . There is something about the most popular varieties of the flower that I find a bit showy , though the beauty is undeniable . In terms of lilies , I prefer to think of lilies of the valley . And I think of them because they were named once , long ago , by my mother as a favorite flower . I was older than five , younger than ten . We were living in Chicago , bordering Lincoln Park . Daily at this time , my mom and I would walk along North Lakeview Avenue . I remember the Elks Veterans Memorial at the north end , at the corner of Lakeview and Diversey , and it was not far from there , heading south , that we 'd pass a building with a black , wrought iron fence that curved out at the sidewalk . Behind the fence in the springtime , there were patches of lilies of the valley . I loved that the delicate white flowers clung to thin stems but sprung from a bed of hearty dark leaves . I loved their scent , and always tried to find it in hand soaps or perfumes . For a time , I remember giving my mom packets of lily of the valley bath salts . They weren 't Caswell - Massey , not Crabtree & Evelyn , either I don 't think . The packets were white and had thin , ornate , black script letters , plus an illustration of a flower spring on the front of the packet . The " salts " were powdery and formed clumps . They were an inexpensive child 's gift found at a local pharmacy , I think , but I remember thinking they were perfect for my mom . Later , when I spent a spring in Paris , come May first , I learned about the tradition of giviPosted by Ms . Parker is an award - winning writer as well as an independent editor and content consultant . Her culinary essays have appeared in Leite 's Culinaria ( where she also served for two years as Managing Editor ) and have been anthologized in Best Food Writing 2011 . Literary criticism has appeared in Deus Loci , published by the International Lawrence Durrell Society , and her short fiction can be found in the bi - annual literary publication , The Same .
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Posted on January 8 , 2015 by thePeopleParsons When we found out that we were unexpectedly expecting baby number three , we were shocked ( happy , but shocked ) . We were certain that two was enough . So certain that we sold 98 % of our baby gear and clothes ( including my huge … Continue reading → Posted on November 20 , 2014 by thePeopleParsons Life with three has been , how should I say this … FREAKING INSANE . I mean , I knew it was going to be a little more crazy , but I wasn 't prepared for this level of insanity . It might explain why it … Continue reading → Posted on November 13 , 2014 by thePeopleParsons I woke up early on Thursday , October 23rd . I showered and decided to shave my legs that morning ( I was unstoppable ) . I was 36 weeks 1 day pregnant - officially the longest I 've ever made it in a pregnancy . The … Continue reading → Posted on October 23 , 2014 by thePeopleParsons Right now , I 'm living the dream . Let me emphasize - LIVING THE FREAKING DREAM . On the day of this post , I am 36 week pregnant with # 3 . I 've been on bedrest in some form for 7 weeks now . Initially it … Continue reading → It 's been a little bit since my last update . My business has been insane this past month with people trying to get shoots squeezed in before I 'm told to stop and I had a large influx of newborns ( it must have been a cold , cold December ) . I 've been shooting and editing like a madwoman in hopes to stay somewhat on track . On top of that , I 'm responsible for my kids who have been home more because of the summer . They finally started back to school and both go a couple days a week . Thank you , Jesus . It 's impossible ( and borderline neglectful ) to try and edit while the kids are home . It 's just not pretty . It always ends in tears … When I was pregnant with Luke , my high risk OB asked me during an appointment if I could touch my thumb to my forearm . I answered that I could and quickly showed him . What I didn 't realize was that it 's apparently not a normal thing to be able to do that . I 've always been able to move my wrists that much , so I just thought everyone could do it . I was wrong . ( I 'll wait while you try to touch your thumb to your forearm . Are you done ? Okay , cool . ) My doc informed me that people aren 't suppose to be able to do that and that he was fairly sure I had a mild case of Ehlers - Danlos Syndrome ( EDS ) . EDS is a connective tissue disorder which causes the body 's connective tissue to be too flexible and possibly weakened . The issue is that when you are pregnant , your bag of waters is a connective tissue and can rupture prematurely . When my water broke so early with Anna 's pregnancy , it was confusing because I wasn 't dilated ( usually your water breaks when your cervix starts to open and pressure is applied to the bag ) when it happened and I didn 't have any signs of an infection . I haven 't been formally diagnosed with EDS , but my high risk has no doubt that is what 's going on . The other piece of the puzzle is that apparently I have an irritable uterus . Maybe irritable uterus is the wrong term . That bitch is angry . Seriously though , irritable uterus is a real thing . Google it . The internet doesn 't lie . So , my uterus is angry and doesn 't like a whole lot of movement . Anytime I stand up , lay back , roll over , have a full bladder , walk around , sneeze , cough , blink - you get the idea - I have a contraction . This started around 15 weeks and has progressively gotten worse as I 've progressed in my pregnancy . This isn 't something new . I had an irritable uterus with both Anna and Luke . It 's clear that my uterus doesn 't enjoy growing babies . Anyway , a little over a month ago I had an appointment at my high risk OB 's office . They did an ultrasound to measure the length of my cervix and found that it had shortened some . My doctor was worried because my cervix had been consistently getting shorter and my contractions were picking up . I get a weekly progesterone injection to help with contractions . I also take oral progesterone along with a slew of other pills each day . My doc decided that he was also going to have me take a daily dose of ibuprofen to help with contractions . He decided that he was going to check my cervix three weeks later and if it had shortened more , he was reducing my activity level to modified bed rest . I left that appointment knowing that we had 3 weeks until I was possibly being taken out of commission . So , we got busy . I squeezed in as many shoots as my calendar would allow . We got the nursery to a point where we can bring the baby home . It 's not completely finished , but it 's fine for now . The hospital bag is packed and ready to go . I registered the kids for daycare so they have somewhere to go on the days they don 't already have school so that I 'm able to relax when I get the word . We made sure we had everything we need for the baby . In general , we had to get everything done by the time I turned 28 weeks that normal pregnant ladies have to have ready by 37ish weeks . We knew this would happen at some point , so it was nice to have a little heads up . We were prepared going into that next appointment with my high risk . We even did a siblings class for the kids so they felt ' prepared ' ( or as prepared as you can be as a sibling ) . To everyone 's surprise , at the next ultrasound , my cervix had actually gotten longer . My high risk asked if I sprinkled Miracle Grow in there . To my knowledge , I hadn 't . There could an error in the measurement , I could have been having a contraction at the time , the baby could have moved a bit - there are reasons that your cervix can appear longer . Because my cervix hadn 't shortened further , he allowed my activity level to stay the same as long as I kept up with my ibuprofen . I was going to see my regular OB the following week ( he 's already started bi - weekly visits ) so my high risk set my next visit and ultrasound for two weeks away . I will be seeing him bi - weekly as well so that I visit one of my doctors every week until I deliver . A week later , I went to my appointment with my regular OB . I had both kids with me because I thought it would be really quick . Turns out , he was going to do an internal exam ( super awkward when two kids are in the room ) . I was sitting on the table , naked from the waist down , waiting for the doc to come in when Anna informs me that she needs to poop . Kids have the best timing , right ? Eventually the doctor came in ( and Anna managed to not poop her pants ) . He asked me how many contractions I was having as I laid back so he could listen to the baby . I was explaining that I have contractions constantly with movement ( see above ) but that they die down when I sit or lay down to about 2 - 3 an hour . I had 50 - 60 contractions the day before . Sure enough , once I laid back I had a contraction . I told my doctor and he could feel how hard my uterus was . He listened to sweet Abby and then quickly ( while the kids were distracted ) checked my cervix . My cervix was long enough and high , but getting soft . So , he decided that I needed to be reducing activity and staying off my feet more . The medicine I 'm taking for contractions isn 't enough at this point . The issue is that with the contractions I 'm having , some cervical change is also happening . They are also concerned that the constant contractions can put too much pressure on my bag of waters . Since they are pretty sure I have a mild form of EDS and my connective tissue is weaker , the pressure on my bag of waters could cause it to rupture without my cervix being dilated . That would be a bad deal this early in the game . Everyone still following along ? Clear as mud , right ? Right . The good doc explained that I 'm allowed to get the kids ready in the morning . If they have school , I can take them . But if they are at home I need to be watching them from the couch and only getting up a few times . I laughed in his face and told him that he clearly doesn 't have that much experience dealing with small children . He agreed . So , in order for me to rest , we have started the kids in daycare on the days that they didn 't already have school . Basically , they are out of the house during the day which gives me an actual chance to sit or lay down and them some stimulation besides me sitting around all the time . I think it 's a win - win for everyone . The kids have been handling it so - so . Anna knows that my activity is limited , so she 's been using that to her advantage and acting out and not listening . Both of the kids have been at one another 's throats lately . They fight constantly . I feel like I 'm yelling too much and I hate it . Luke has become extremely clingy lately . He only wants me and always wants to sit or lay with me . The other night , Alex was putting Luke to bed and Luke asked where I was . Before Alex could answer , Luke asked ' Did Mom have the baby ? ' I was shocked when Alex told me . I know that he knows there 's a baby in my belly , but I didn 't think he actually got what 's going on . It 's also worrisome because I 'm afraid he 's already starting to feel left out . I 'm now getting worried about how he 's going to deal with the new baby . I know we will figure it all out , but it 's really on my mind right now . Baby Abby and I are hanging in there . I 'm still feeling pretty blah . I 'm better than the first few months , but still struggling a bit . I 'm over half way done ( especially if she comes early , which is what we are all expecting ) , so I see the light at the end of the tunnel . I just keep telling myself , ' it 's going to be worth it ' and ' it 's almost over ' . More importantly , Abby is looking wonderful ! That 's really all that matters . Just a few updates about what 's going on : - We had the anatomy scan and Abby is looking perfect ! She 's measuring perfectly and everything is where it should be and looks how it should look . We are so , so thankful for that report ! - The heat is killing me ! By the end of the day , my feet and ankles are so swollen . It 's gross . Have I mentioned how much I hate the women who float through pregnancy ? ? ? - My ass continues to be a pin cushion with my weekly shots . They are miserable , but seem to help with contractions . So , I 'll take the pain , itchiness , mood swings ( sorry , Alex ) , and exhaustion . I found out that one vial of this medicine ( which is 5 weeks worth of doses ) costs $ 3000 . Can you believe that ? There 's only one company in the US that manufactures it and the price is ridiculously high . I smell a conspiracy . Really , I can smell just about anything right now thanks to good ol ' preggo nose . Luckily we have insurance that covers it . But , I can 't help but wonder what would have happened if we didn 't . - I have been totally scatterbrained with this baby . I 've always said that pregnancy makes you flighty , but it 's been so much worse this time . Maybe it 's because I have two other kiddos to chase around or maybe you never recover those brain cells that a baby takes from you . I might just be a pile of mush by the end of it . Anyway , I was getting ready to have a cervical length ultrasound ( which is done transvaginaly ) and I realized that I forgot to use soap in the shower that morning . There 's nothing quite as humbling as trying to do a quick hoe bath in the doctor 's office bathroom while you are suppose to be leaving a urine sample . Two days later , I was in the middle of a photo shoot and realized that I didn 't put on deodorant . If I make it through this , it 's going to be a miracle . - I saw my high risk OB last week and had my 11th ultrasound for this pregnancy . He was concerned because my cervix has shortened a bit . It 's still long , but it 's shorter than what it was before . He said it makes him feel uneasy . I was suppose to go back 4 weeks later for a recheck , but he wasn 't comfortable waiting that long . I 'll go again in 2 weeks for ultrasound # 12 . He 's mentioned possibly doing a cerclage and he 's talked about early bedrest . I know that I will be on bedrest , but my doctors are thinking it shouldn 't be until mid - September . So , send some long cervix vibes my way ! ! - Alex was told that he is attending this leadership conference for work in Arkansas . The group does rope courses and trust falls in the woods . It all sounds a little ' Deliverance ' for me , but Alex seems excited . I worry because he 's a really big guy . You never want to be the biggest guy in a trust fall exercise . Back to the point of this - the conference is November 17 - 21 . My due date is November 19 . I had a bit of freak out when he told me about it . However , we 've talked to my doctors about it . My regular OB thinks there 's a slim chance that I 'll actually make it to my due date . My high risk told me there 's 0 % chance . He said that I should be more concerned about lining up help for me that week instead of Alex missing the birth of our child . I guess that makes me feel better ? ! ? ! - My high risk is starting to get paranoid about my pregnancy . Read : shit is starting to get real . He 's concerned about my cervix ( see above ) . He 's also worried about the contractions I 've been having . At my appointment , he told me that around 30 weeks is when we will have to really work at keeping me pregnant - meaning medicine , bedrest , and monitoring . He 's just anxiously waiting for us to arrive at that cliff . Our goal is to make it to 37 weeks . Now , if someone could inform my uterus of that … - In non - uterus news , we 've started the nursery ! ! I want to have everything ready by the middle - to - end of August so that I 'm not trying to get things done when I 've been told to take it easy . I honestly can 't wait to share pictures of the finished nursery ! Be on the edge of your seats in the meantime , okay ? Abby is clearly stressed out at 21 weeks … About a week after Luke was born ( note : that was over 2 . 5 years ago ) , the doorbell rang while I was trying to balance my new life with a toddler and a newborn . It was chaotic . So , I answer the door and these two little , old ladies were standing there smiling at me . They asked if I had a minute to talk about Christ . Now , we go to church and are Christians so I didn 't feel like I needed to have a conversation with them on the topic . But , I am absolutely horrible at saying no to people . It 's my Achilles heel - I literally can 't tell people no . So , these sweet ladies were asking me if they could talk to me about Christ and in the midst of the chaos I said ' yes ' . Biggest mistake ever . The ladies spent about 20 minutes talking to me . My house was melting down around me - the baby was waking up and Anna was running around like a crazy person . They prayed over me and then went on their way . Before they left , they asked if it would be okay for them to stop by again . Again ( because I have no self control ) I said , yes . Dammit , Lisa . Dammit . I decided that since I couldn 't say no to these ladies , I would just avoid them . And my plan worked like a charm for 2 . 5 years . I skillfully avoided them . I would hide in the house and keep the kids quiet when they rang the bell . Once Alex answered when he was home alone . They prayed over him and read him scriptures . Another time my sister - in - law was here watching the kids and the ladies showed up . She was prayed over too . Another time Alex answered the door and I hid behind a wall in our living room so they couldn 't see me . He wasn 't happy that I hung him out to dry with ' my friends ' . Alex eventually got over it . My avoidance was legendary . Legend - ary . Fast forward to this week . I was upstairs trying to get our family packed for our beach vacation . The kids were running around the house destroying everything they touched and screaming so loud that they set off our doorbell ( it 's frequency activated and setting it off is one of their favorite things to do ) . Luke was launching himself off the coffee table onto the couch and then rolling off the couch onto a pile of cushions . The dogs were running around chewing on crap and getting into the messes that the kids were making . Anna was wearing a princess dress and toddler hooker heals . Luke was rocking a PJ shirt , underwear , and goggles . All - in - all , it was a typical weekday . The actual doorbell rings ( non - screaming induced ) and I hear the dogs barking . I yell for Anna to not open the door because I don 't know who it is and I don 't want any creepers creeping on us . Creepers . She runs into the kitchen . By the time I get downstairs , Luke is standing next to the door and looking out through the sidelights . I yell for the dogs to go outside because they like to welcome visitors by jumping into their arms . It 's cute , unless you are an 90 pound golden retriever and a 10 pound shih tzu that pees a little when she meets new people . I get the dogs outside and head back to the front door . I open it and find my two old lady missionary friends staring at me . Mother trucker , there goes my run . They were so excited to finally connect with me . Afterall , they 've been stopping by every 2 - 3 months for 2 . 5 years . They are persistent , I 'll give them that . Luke 's standing next to me as the ladies read through their pamphlet with me . They then open their bible and read some verses . The whole time , Luke is standing next to me talking to the ladies . After that they close in prayer and pray over myself and Luke . The little old ladies then proceed to make small talk with me and Luke until they decide to head back to their car . I close the door and look down at Luke and see the head of his Johnson looking at me . It was sticking out of his underwear . For those of you that aren 't familiar with how boy undies work , there 's a slit in them where they can access their goods to go potty ( because , you know , pulling them down is just WAY too much work ) . Well , Luke likes to use that slit to poke his penis out for full access . Read : open season for groping , pulling , and touching his pee pee on things . So , while these old ladies were discussing God with us Luke was standing there in a shirt , goggles , and undies with just the head of his wee wee hanging out like a turtle poking his head out of the shell . No wonder they prayed extra hard for us . I 'd like to think that this might reduce the number of visits they make , but a part of me believes they think I need extra help . Lord help us all when they show up on my doorstep next week . For those of you that are keeping track , I really suck at being pregnant . Which , really pisses me off . I pride myself on doing a good job at everything I set out to do . So , when it became blatantly obvious that I 'm just bad at having babies I had to accept the writing on the wall . My name is Lisa , and I am horrible at being pregnant . Let me clarify - horrible at being pregnant to full term . Getting pregnant ? Apparently no problem as evidenced by little Abby who is currently baking . Staying pregnant ? Ugh . I 'll back up . When I was pregnant with Anna I was sure that everything was going to be textbook perfect . Everything was going peachy until I woke up in the middle of the night to a really bad contraction at 32 weeks . The contraction ended and then my water broke . Shocked , I waded through the Mississippi that was now on my bed and we raced to the hospital . Luckily Anna was head - down so her cord couldn 't prolapse . I was in the hospital being pumped full of every antibiotic and fluid they could get their hands on for 6 days before I went into labor . Her delivery was probably one of the scariest moments of our lives . I can tell you about it sometime - it makes the hair on my arms stand up when I do . Anna was born at 33 weeks and had to stay in the NICU for a week and a half . Totally not what we were expecting . I got pregnant a third time ( hello , Luke ) and made it to the second trimester . My OB thought that Anna 's preterm birth could be a fluke , but he had me do the weekly progesterone injections and consult with a high risk OB . I saw both doctors for the entire pregnancy , got about a million ultrasounds , and took almost every medicine you can think of . Around 31 / 32 weeks , my contractions started picking up and my blood pressure started rising . I was put on bedrest and was closely monitored in hopes that I could make it to 37 weeks . Per orders , all of my medicines were stopped at 35 weeks , 6 days . I went into labor and delivered Luke at 36 weeks , 0 days . Luckily , he was healthy and was able to avoid the NICU . Now , we are on pregnancy number four and baby number three . There is absolutely no question in either of my doctors ' minds that I 'm at risk for preterm labor . I have a very clear history of it now . This time , everyone is being a bit more aggressive in trying to prevent it . My regular OB ( who will deliver me ) likes the 17p weekly progesterone injections from 16 - 36 weeks to help with preterm labor . He 's also told me that I can 't leave the St . Louis area once I 'm in my third trimester . My high risk doesn 't favor the 17p and instead likes supplemental progesterone . So , I will be taking both . My high risk has also put me on extra folic acid and a baby aspirin because it helps with placental development . I 'm also taking my prenatal and something for heartburn . At some point , I will be on an anti - contraction medicine as well . On top of the medicine , my high risk wants to keep a close eye on my cervix . We 've done one measurement ( done via ultrasound ) and will do another in a little over a week . I will have cervical length ultrasounds done until 24 weeks because my high risk is considering placing a cerclage ( a stitch that holds your cervix shut ) . For now , I 'm seen every two weeks by either my regular doctor or my high risk . Soon that will switch to weekly visits . The upside , I get to see the baby all the time . Downside - it 's a huge time and money suck . All worth it in the end , but a bit frustrating while it 's happening . My high risk explained that it 's promising that we know my body can make it past 33 weeks , but that it took a ton of work to get Luke to 36 weeks . He 's told me that it will be a ton of work this time around too . He 's basically promising me that I will be on bedrest at some point , so Alex and I are trying to prepare for that . We 've contacted a daycare that we will put the kids in once I 'm down for the count . We 've also started getting the nursery ready and bags will be packed much earlier so that we can hit the door when the time comes . For now , it 's a waiting game . I 'm well into my second trimester and was feeling better . The first few months were really bad . I was on extra progesterone which makes me feel really crappy on top of normal first trimester blahs . It 's taken everything in me to keep my kids alive , let alone keep the house in order . Cooking , cleaning , laundry , and grocery shopping all fell on Alex . All I could do was lay around and pray that I would feel better . It was miserable . I hit the second trimester and that began to fade . I was able to eat without gagging and go an entire day without napping . I felt unstoppable ! And then I started my progesterone injections . I immediately remembered why I hated them with Luke 's pregnancy . First , those little f - er 's are oil based . So , it takes over a minute for them to go in . They go in your rear , so you have to stand there ass out for the world for five forevers . Then it just sits under your skin . Massaging and ice helps , but your rear is sore and itchy for days . I always feel crummy the days I get my shots . It 's guaranteed that I 'm going to nap and probably gag all through my meals . Actually , the nausea sticks around all week and just gets a bit worse on injection days . I don 't want to come off as miserable , because I don 't like being a miserable person . I am fine and will be fine . I 've been trying to push through with life as normal so that I can make it as normal as possible for my family . Still failing in the cleaning and sometimes cooking departments , but we are getting by . Please don 't judge me if you come over to my house in the near future . I 'm really trying to stay positive about it all . I am so , so grateful that I am able to get pregnant and have babies . I just hate being sick and feeling like I can 't do the things I need to be doing . It 's really frustrating for me . I 'm looking at 5 more months of feeling like crap before I get to hold a sweet baby in my arms . Five months is nothing , right ? ! ? RIGHT ? ! A belly picture of those that are into that sort of thing . I 've decided that with your third baby , your body just says ' screw it ' and you get really big really fast . I promise , there 's only one in there . Also , notice the dirty spots on the mirror from total lack of cleaning lately . See , I don 't make these things up . Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this :
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Seriously , I need a cooler name for my craft room . I 'm jealous of my mom 's friend Robin , her family calls her craft room the Robin 's Nest . How come I can 't have a cute name like that for mine ? ! Everlasting love and eternal glory to whoever comes up with a cool name for my craft room ! So anyway , I 've been playing in here for the last couple days , so I 'm going to share some projects with the most recent one first . My friend Kelly is getting married this fall and she was working on centerpiece ideas ; she 's got a bunch of mason jars that she 's going to fill with branches and fall leaves , but she wanted a medallion kind of thing to go on the sides of the jars . So here 's what I did : K , since I was playing around , I also did what could be a fall wedding invitation , just for funsies . Kelly hasn 't ordered her invites yet . Anyway , the initials on the medallion are gold - embossed ; I wouldn 't keep the eyelets that color but I couldn 't find my gold eyelets ( which bugs me , ' cause I * know * I 've got some of those around here somewhere ! ) . Kelly , this is just an idea , I could change up the colors however you like . If you click here you can see the Stampin ' Up colors I use so you could pick out what 's closest to the rest of your stuff . The eyelets would probably be too small to fit multiple strands of raffia through ; I 'd suggest just doing one strand and tying it in a bow between two medallions on each mason jar if that makes sense . Or we could just say no eyelets and punch bigger holes : ) In addition to that little project , I am once more working on baby books ! I never do just one book at a time , and this time it 's Tiana and Sarah who are both pregnant with kid # 2 . Sarah gave me a list of requests for her book , and one thing she said was that she loved the November layout for the last book , but wanted it for September this time . Behold : I changed up the colors in the stamping just a tad ; I thought the tree was a little too dark the first time around so I used a lighter shade of brown , and I went with a more vibrant red for some of the leaves . Sarah said she loved the colors on the original one , so I 'm lucky that I found some more of that patterned paper on SU 's clearance rack ' cause I was out of it before . But since it 's my favorite pattern out of that pack , and I have hoarding tendencies , I used some different paper and colors for the other one : I wanted to see what it would look like with this old Apple Cider paper I had a ton of : ) I used the brand - new color Island Indigo for the title on this one , I got the idea for that from the teal base on the other layout even though there 's no teal in the patterned paper . I think it works . I think they turned out pretty cute for something I rushed to get done . Next time though I think I 'd put the paper in front of the glass so the bow doesn 't get smooshed . I did the one on the right first and was able to self - correct on the second one to put the name a little higher to accommodate the bow without obscuring the letters . K , so here 's a few cards too . I sent these out to my Stampin ' Up customers earlier this week . I think this butterfly is my new favorite stamp , and I so love the sentiment set too . This one I did for a challenge on Splitcoast and then just never uploaded it . I pulled out two of my older sets , it was fun to play with them again . If you 're into this kind of thing , all the details are in my Splitcoast gallery . Well , the two layouts will be in there pretty soon , at any rate ; ) * grumbles * I lost count of how many tries it took me to get photos uploaded for this post . Anyway , on this try I got 9 out of 10 , which was definitely the best by far , so I 'm just gonna go with it , ' cause grumbling at the computer screen isn 't going to make it do right . Why yes , I am ever so slightly technophobic . There 's one small building where they have an interesting exhibit about the mines and their history , which covers several * thousand * years . But really , the area looks pretty empty , one big uneven field with lots of sheep ( Neolithic sheep ! ) . ' Cause there 's sheep everywhere in Britain . This is where haggis comes from . And itchy wool clothes . But the lambs are so cute I want to take one home . Each of those little depressions is a filled - in flint mine , which the Neolithic miners used to make things like axes . They dug the mines over 30 feet deep using deer antlers as picks , so it 's pretty amazing to think how many holes they dug , and how deep each one was , with such primitive tools . I got a postcard at the shop that shows Grimes Graves from the air , it looks like a giant grassy Eggo waffle with sheep sprinkles . So after we went through the little exhibit , we got to go down in a mineshaft . And we got hard hats ! The miners would dig one main shaft down to the layer of flint that they wanted , and then would dig several galleries radiating from the main shaft . For the first one , they had to haul all the rubble up to the top of the shaft to make space to work in , but for each subsequent one ( ooh , big word ) , they 'd put the rubble into an earlier gallery that had already been mined . Lee was really impressed by how much work that must have been ; but as I said , these people weren 't spending time surfing the Internet and Googling themselves , so they had time ; ) I think that 's one of the churches in Norwich . . . well , I forget which exactly , but I liked the picture : p We went up to the castle ( ' cause doesn 't every town in England have a castle ? Ok , most of them ) and were going to pay the admission to look around , but they told us that since it was late in the afternoon , if we waited 20 more minutes we could get in for one pound each instead of six since we 'd only have like a half hour to look around . So off we went and walked around the castle a bit , and I took this picture of the cars because the juxtaposition of ancient castle and modern automobile is amusing to me . Then we walked back towards the mall under which we had parked , and suddenly decided we 'd had enough culture for one day so we went and saw Pirates of the Caribbean : On Stranger Tides instead of going back to the castle . Hehe ! I liked it , but I think I may have liked X - Men : First Class better , which we 'd seen the night before . And what 's up with movie titles featuring colons ? Apparently Lee thought it had been too long since I last blogged , so he hijacked the blog under the pseudonym of Pablo the Pool Boy : ) I didn 't even know he was doing anything till he called to me , " Hey , if I want to say ' nyeh nyeh , so there ' , how would I spell ' nyeh ' ? " He wouldn 't let me see what he was writing until he was done with his post . And I didn 't even have to coerce him or anything , he just decided to blog on his own . . . I think he wanted to show off the amazing pool transformation . And he did do a great job , so kudos to him . Anyway , I thought today I would share some pictures of how our house looks now that we 've gotten all but two rooms painted ( I would love to paint those last two as well , Lee doesn 't want to take apart the computer desk and turn me loose in the computer room even though we already have paint for it , and up until we got all that heavy furniture I had been planning to just paint the master bedroom next time he was out of town without telling him first but now I can 't move the furniture by myself ) . I argued with Blogger for 20 minutes trying to get all the pictures to show in the right order and orientation but finally got it more or less how I want it . So , we had our first guest last weekend ( my dad ) and here 's the guest room all gussied up : It was raining yesterday afternoon when I took the pictures , so the color doesn 't look quite right , but the walls are really a delicate pink color . We got the mattress just a couple of weeks ago , we were worried for a bit that it wouldn 't get here in time for Dad 's visit . He said we picked a good comfy one . And here 's the furniture that we got for the master bedroom , I never posted pictures of it after we got it last month . When we move back to the States and get reunited with our own bedroom furniture , this stuff will be guest room furniture , but for now we 're using it in the master bedroom . That 's Juan the Mexican Polar Bear on the bed , he 's been with me for over 15 years now . I picked this set of furniture because I liked the octagonal handles on the dresser . Sadie insisted on being in the picture . That 's our accent wall , which isn 't quite so fluorescent blue as it looks in the picture , although it is pretty vivid . It really makes the fireplace stand out as a focal point in the room . I wanted the other walls to be kind of a honey color to match the bricks , but they didn 't have the shade I wanted so we ended up with ivory . It looks okay , but wasn 't exactly what I had in mind , know what I mean ? But we 're not repainting it again . We did hang up some pictures above the couch though , so excited about these : There 's a wall sconce in the middle of the wall above the couch , so I did two little collage groups , one on either side . The England side is on the right , and the photos are the church in Lavenham , Big Ben ( of course ) , and part of the Queen Anne statue in front of St . Paul 's Cathedral in London . This is our first purchase of English furniture . . . we got this whatnot at a bazaar last month ( I remember that Laura Ingalls Wilder always called it a " whatnot " in the Little House on the Prairie books ) . It 's from the 1940s . Isn 't it * awesome * ? And doesn 't it just fit in that corner like we planned it like that ! On the top shelf is one of my Japanese tea sets , my Jim Shore Maleficent ( the villain from Sleeping Beauty ) is on the middle shelf , and on the bottom is this cool little ceramic dragon thing my mom gave me , a vase Lee bought me in Murano , Italy , and a little pink Ryukyu glass vase . And there 's Sadie 's noggin in the corner . Here 's how the dining room looks now that we 've got it painted , pictures hung up , and the furniture is here ( we got it at the end of April after we painted ) . The poster on the left is The World by Night , a cool satellite composite image of all the lights on Earth . It 's funny , you can tell where big cities are like Dallas / Fort Worth . I don 't think Okinawa shows up too much though , I 'd have to go look again to see . I just think it 's kinda amusing to have a movie poster from Breakfast at Tiffany 's in the dining room . It was this or my Princess Bride poster , but that one is staying in the study . So Lee and I worked very hard to get the house completely spic and span ( not that we 're total slobs , I try to keep it clean enough that I wouldn 't be mortified if someone dropped by unannounced ) because I hosted this month 's coffee here last night , so we had like 20 ladies over here . My new friend Katie co - hosted with me , and we did a trifle bar : Found this idea online where you make a bunch of stuff that could be used in a trifle and let people build their own concoctions . We had angel food cake ( I know my dad is indignant I made angel food cake the day * after * he left ) , brownies , banana bread , blueberry muffins , chocolate pudding , butterscotch pudding , vanilla pudding , vanilla creme , strawberry Jell - O , orange Jell - O ( no one seemed to eat the Jell - O , I 'd leave it out if I had it to do over again ) , blueberry pie filling , cherry pie filling , raspberries , blueberries , blackberries , strawberries , bananas , chocolate chips , marshmallows , nuts , and maraschino cherries . I totally forgot to cut up the kiwi and put it out . Everyone seemed to like it pretty well , so I call it a success : ) Anyways , as I 'm sure you all know , we have a pool in our back yard . . . in England . . . which still makes no sense . It was apparent that this pool has been neglected for several years . Regardless that it was well covered , it still had MANY things growing in it and moving no less when we took the cover off to inspect it . As soon as we removed the cover we were swarmed by mosquitoes . Here 's a picture several days after the cover was removed ( after the bugs died down ) . Now , I 'm one of those people who treats the unknown with enthusiasm . I know NOTHING about pools and therefore I was bound and determined to learn something while I had the opportunity , since we probably will never have a pool again . I did some studying on the subject and once I got a decent grasp of what I was suppose to do , I was off to the races . . . only to find that the pump was shot . OMG ! ! ! Blue ( or sort of ) water ! So here 's the phase where all the bacteria and algae were screaming in pain because I dumped almost 3 times the normal dose of liquid chlorine into the pool ( hey , I 'm horrible at chemistry and figured more is better in this case ) . . . and I was right so nyeh ! TADA . . . clean , clear pool . All I have left to do is vacuum the junk off the bottom and we are ready to go swimming . Sadie 's going first since I don 't like cold water . I 'm having a really good day today . I did a workout this morning , I 'm feeling good ( I think maybe it 's vitamins that make me feel better , who knew ? ) , annnnd I got my Stampin ' Up order today with a brand - new catalog to drool over . Oh yes , they will be getting lots of my money next year ( Lee , you so totally did not see that last sentence ! ) And here I am with the last of the Scotland pictures . First up , I remembered this time to post the picture of the sticky toffee pudding ! I have no idea what it actually is , other than totally delicious . The cakey part was warm and there was vanilla ice cream with it ; other places you 'll get cream rather than ice cream . We weren 't sure what the little fruit on top was ( under all the powdered sugar ) . . . a kumquat maybe ? I forget . Lee ate it though . And here 's my new Hogwarts banner hanging up in my house since I know my Harry Potter trivia : ) Here you can see where I hung it up ; there was a screw in the wall already and we didn 't have anything else to go there ( perhaps we should have taken the screw out when we painted , but whatever ) so that 's where the banner will live until we get something else to go there . If we get something else to go there , I kinda like the Hogwarts crest . This is the Lion Arch , which was used for the front entrance to Hogwarts in Sorcerer 's Stone . It 's also been used in some other movies , most notably Robin Hood : Prince of Thieves . I remember all the little statues from the Harry Potter movies , remember the one that had two crossed swords that Harry hit the Bludger between during his Quidditch lesson with Oliver Wood ? That one was made just for the movie , it 's not actually part of the castle . Just ' cause I thought it was a neat shot : ) This is where they filmed both Harry 's first flying lesson with Madam Hooch and the Quidditch lesson with Oliver Wood . The castle belongs to the Percy family , and I think that I heard it was the second - largest inhabited castle in England , after Windsor . The Lion Arch again ; there 's a plant off to the left side of the photo , I think it was holly , which was supposed to keep witches / wizards from entering the castle . We had a little guided tour and our tour guide pointed that out and noted that Harry and his friends had no trouble getting in the castle . The Lion Arch and the parapet were also used in Robin Hood , you know when Robin goes to the castle near the end of the movie to rescue his guys ? He stands on the castle wall here at Alnwick and shoots an arrow that severs the hanging rope of one of his men that was hanging in a castle in southern France . As our tour guide said , that had to be a world - record shot ! You also see this bit of the castle walls in Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets when Harry and Ron fly over the wall in the flying Ford Anglia . Oops , I didn 't realize I did two almost identical shots on here . Oh well , here 's a second view of the walls ! There is a row of what looks like manhole covers running diagonally across this courtyard , which mark the line of the Whistling Tunnel . There is a little narrow tunnel running across the courtyard which servants used to transport food from the kitchen to the big formal dining rooms ; since it was enclosed it kept the food from getting cold en route during the winter . To keep This is a statue of Harry Hotspur , a Percy family ancestor who was a big hero back in the day . And there 's a view from up on the castle parapet , pretty countryside , huh ? This concludes our trip to Scotland . So now we need to go somewhere else so I can post more pictures for you : ) Until that happens , I 'm gonna go look through my new Stampin ' Up catalog again ! Ok , I 'm not 100 % sure that any part of this train in particular was used in any of the Harry Potter movies , but let 's just go with it here . This is an honest - to - goodness coal - powered steam train . Cindy warned us ahead of time to try to keep the windows shut when going through tunnels because if you don 't , you get coal dust all in the train compartments . ( We forgot at least a couple times . ) Told you it was the Hogwarts Express . Our tour group was all sitting in the first class section and I wish we 'd gotten a picture of Cindy , because she had on her Hogwarts best - - Gryffindor robes , gray sweater and red - and - yellow tie . And there 's me with my Bertie Botts Every Flavor Beans and a Chocolate Frog . ( I ate the frog but not the beans . I 'm with Dumbledore on that one . ) So here 's a not - so - great picture of the Glenfinnan Viaduct , which I know for sure IS in the Harry Potter movies . This is what they use for the iconic shots of the Hogwarts Express chugging along towards Hogwarts . A couple shots of the scenery we rode past . . . Cindy had several Harry Potter - related activities for us and we were so busy with the coloring contest that we kinda forgot to look out the windows for a while . Lee made up for it though , in the end we had 159 pictures from the train , which is like 1 / 3 of all the photos we took over the weekend . So I 'm only showing you 10 % because a . ) uploading 159 photos would take forever , b . ) there were quite a few that when you click through them on the computer , they look like a movie , and c . ) no way would you bother scrolling through all of those on the blog . The ride was maybe two hours I think , and our destination was the small town of Mallaig , which Lee absolutely fell in love with . It 's a quaint , picturesque little town and luckily the weather cooperated and didn 't rain on us the entire time we were there . Our waitress at lunch said it was the first day in over a month that it hadn 't been pouring down rain . We only stayed in Mallaig long enough to walk around a little and eat lunch , then back on the train . And Just ' cause I thought this was a cool shot with the train and the smoke and the scenery . And here we are on the viaduct again . I kinda would like to go down into the countryside around there and take photos of the viaduct from the ground . During our ride back to Fort William ( I think it was Fort William where we started from ) , two men in traditional Scottish garb came through selling raffle tickets for a couple bottles of whiskey , and then this one guy agreed to have his picture taken with a bunch of us from our tour group . The other guy , an older dude with a gray beard and a wicked sense of humor , happily hiked up his kilt when asked if he really wore it in the traditional way , and even let the girl across from us take a picture . Full moon in Scotland ! ! ! ( He did at least make sure none of the kids in our tour group could see before he did it . ) So yep , that was the train ride . We got back to Fort William and then hit the road for a couple of hours to get to our hotel outside of Sterling ( and Lee and I will have to go back to Sterling some other time ) . Ah , crud , I forgot the sticky toffee pudding picture again ! Dangit . When we had dinner that night , I ordered it again ' cause it was that good . Lee had something with lots of strawberries : )
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Seriously , I need a cooler name for my craft room . I 'm jealous of my mom 's friend Robin , her family calls her craft room the Robin 's Nest . How come I can 't have a cute name like that for mine ? ! Everlasting love and eternal glory to whoever comes up with a cool name for my craft room ! So anyway , I 've been playing in here for the last couple days , so I 'm going to share some projects with the most recent one first . My friend Kelly is getting married this fall and she was working on centerpiece ideas ; she 's got a bunch of mason jars that she 's going to fill with branches and fall leaves , but she wanted a medallion kind of thing to go on the sides of the jars . So here 's what I did : K , since I was playing around , I also did what could be a fall wedding invitation , just for funsies . Kelly hasn 't ordered her invites yet . Anyway , the initials on the medallion are gold - embossed ; I wouldn 't keep the eyelets that color but I couldn 't find my gold eyelets ( which bugs me , ' cause I * know * I 've got some of those around here somewhere ! ) . Kelly , this is just an idea , I could change up the colors however you like . If you click here you can see the Stampin ' Up colors I use so you could pick out what 's closest to the rest of your stuff . The eyelets would probably be too small to fit multiple strands of raffia through ; I 'd suggest just doing one strand and tying it in a bow between two medallions on each mason jar if that makes sense . Or we could just say no eyelets and punch bigger holes : ) In addition to that little project , I am once more working on baby books ! I never do just one book at a time , and this time it 's Tiana and Sarah who are both pregnant with kid # 2 . Sarah gave me a list of requests for her book , and one thing she said was that she loved the November layout for the last book , but wanted it for September this time . Behold : I changed up the colors in the stamping just a tad ; I thought the tree was a little too dark the first time around so I used a lighter shade of brown , and I went with a more vibrant red for some of the leaves . Sarah said she loved the colors on the original one , so I 'm lucky that I found some more of that patterned paper on SU 's clearance rack ' cause I was out of it before . But since it 's my favorite pattern out of that pack , and I have hoarding tendencies , I used some different paper and colors for the other one : I wanted to see what it would look like with this old Apple Cider paper I had a ton of : ) I used the brand - new color Island Indigo for the title on this one , I got the idea for that from the teal base on the other layout even though there 's no teal in the patterned paper . I think it works . I think they turned out pretty cute for something I rushed to get done . Next time though I think I 'd put the paper in front of the glass so the bow doesn 't get smooshed . I did the one on the right first and was able to self - correct on the second one to put the name a little higher to accommodate the bow without obscuring the letters . K , so here 's a few cards too . I sent these out to my Stampin ' Up customers earlier this week . I think this butterfly is my new favorite stamp , and I so love the sentiment set too . This one I did for a challenge on Splitcoast and then just never uploaded it . I pulled out two of my older sets , it was fun to play with them again . If you 're into this kind of thing , all the details are in my Splitcoast gallery . Well , the two layouts will be in there pretty soon , at any rate ; ) * grumbles * I lost count of how many tries it took me to get photos uploaded for this post . Anyway , on this try I got 9 out of 10 , which was definitely the best by far , so I 'm just gonna go with it , ' cause grumbling at the computer screen isn 't going to make it do right . Why yes , I am ever so slightly technophobic . There 's one small building where they have an interesting exhibit about the mines and their history , which covers several * thousand * years . But really , the area looks pretty empty , one big uneven field with lots of sheep ( Neolithic sheep ! ) . ' Cause there 's sheep everywhere in Britain . This is where haggis comes from . And itchy wool clothes . But the lambs are so cute I want to take one home . Each of those little depressions is a filled - in flint mine , which the Neolithic miners used to make things like axes . They dug the mines over 30 feet deep using deer antlers as picks , so it 's pretty amazing to think how many holes they dug , and how deep each one was , with such primitive tools . I got a postcard at the shop that shows Grimes Graves from the air , it looks like a giant grassy Eggo waffle with sheep sprinkles . So after we went through the little exhibit , we got to go down in a mineshaft . And we got hard hats ! The miners would dig one main shaft down to the layer of flint that they wanted , and then would dig several galleries radiating from the main shaft . For the first one , they had to haul all the rubble up to the top of the shaft to make space to work in , but for each subsequent one ( ooh , big word ) , they 'd put the rubble into an earlier gallery that had already been mined . Lee was really impressed by how much work that must have been ; but as I said , these people weren 't spending time surfing the Internet and Googling themselves , so they had time ; ) I think that 's one of the churches in Norwich . . . well , I forget which exactly , but I liked the picture : p We went up to the castle ( ' cause doesn 't every town in England have a castle ? Ok , most of them ) and were going to pay the admission to look around , but they told us that since it was late in the afternoon , if we waited 20 more minutes we could get in for one pound each instead of six since we 'd only have like a half hour to look around . So off we went and walked around the castle a bit , and I took this picture of the cars because the juxtaposition of ancient castle and modern automobile is amusing to me . Then we walked back towards the mall under which we had parked , and suddenly decided we 'd had enough culture for one day so we went and saw Pirates of the Caribbean : On Stranger Tides instead of going back to the castle . Hehe ! I liked it , but I think I may have liked X - Men : First Class better , which we 'd seen the night before . And what 's up with movie titles featuring colons ? Apparently Lee thought it had been too long since I last blogged , so he hijacked the blog under the pseudonym of Pablo the Pool Boy : ) I didn 't even know he was doing anything till he called to me , " Hey , if I want to say ' nyeh nyeh , so there ' , how would I spell ' nyeh ' ? " He wouldn 't let me see what he was writing until he was done with his post . And I didn 't even have to coerce him or anything , he just decided to blog on his own . . . I think he wanted to show off the amazing pool transformation . And he did do a great job , so kudos to him . Anyway , I thought today I would share some pictures of how our house looks now that we 've gotten all but two rooms painted ( I would love to paint those last two as well , Lee doesn 't want to take apart the computer desk and turn me loose in the computer room even though we already have paint for it , and up until we got all that heavy furniture I had been planning to just paint the master bedroom next time he was out of town without telling him first but now I can 't move the furniture by myself ) . I argued with Blogger for 20 minutes trying to get all the pictures to show in the right order and orientation but finally got it more or less how I want it . So , we had our first guest last weekend ( my dad ) and here 's the guest room all gussied up : It was raining yesterday afternoon when I took the pictures , so the color doesn 't look quite right , but the walls are really a delicate pink color . We got the mattress just a couple of weeks ago , we were worried for a bit that it wouldn 't get here in time for Dad 's visit . He said we picked a good comfy one . And here 's the furniture that we got for the master bedroom , I never posted pictures of it after we got it last month . When we move back to the States and get reunited with our own bedroom furniture , this stuff will be guest room furniture , but for now we 're using it in the master bedroom . That 's Juan the Mexican Polar Bear on the bed , he 's been with me for over 15 years now . I picked this set of furniture because I liked the octagonal handles on the dresser . Sadie insisted on being in the picture . That 's our accent wall , which isn 't quite so fluorescent blue as it looks in the picture , although it is pretty vivid . It really makes the fireplace stand out as a focal point in the room . I wanted the other walls to be kind of a honey color to match the bricks , but they didn 't have the shade I wanted so we ended up with ivory . It looks okay , but wasn 't exactly what I had in mind , know what I mean ? But we 're not repainting it again . We did hang up some pictures above the couch though , so excited about these : There 's a wall sconce in the middle of the wall above the couch , so I did two little collage groups , one on either side . The England side is on the right , and the photos are the church in Lavenham , Big Ben ( of course ) , and part of the Queen Anne statue in front of St . Paul 's Cathedral in London . This is our first purchase of English furniture . . . we got this whatnot at a bazaar last month ( I remember that Laura Ingalls Wilder always called it a " whatnot " in the Little House on the Prairie books ) . It 's from the 1940s . Isn 't it * awesome * ? And doesn 't it just fit in that corner like we planned it like that ! On the top shelf is one of my Japanese tea sets , my Jim Shore Maleficent ( the villain from Sleeping Beauty ) is on the middle shelf , and on the bottom is this cool little ceramic dragon thing my mom gave me , a vase Lee bought me in Murano , Italy , and a little pink Ryukyu glass vase . And there 's Sadie 's noggin in the corner . Here 's how the dining room looks now that we 've got it painted , pictures hung up , and the furniture is here ( we got it at the end of April after we painted ) . The poster on the left is The World by Night , a cool satellite composite image of all the lights on Earth . It 's funny , you can tell where big cities are like Dallas / Fort Worth . I don 't think Okinawa shows up too much though , I 'd have to go look again to see . I just think it 's kinda amusing to have a movie poster from Breakfast at Tiffany 's in the dining room . It was this or my Princess Bride poster , but that one is staying in the study . So Lee and I worked very hard to get the house completely spic and span ( not that we 're total slobs , I try to keep it clean enough that I wouldn 't be mortified if someone dropped by unannounced ) because I hosted this month 's coffee here last night , so we had like 20 ladies over here . My new friend Katie co - hosted with me , and we did a trifle bar : Found this idea online where you make a bunch of stuff that could be used in a trifle and let people build their own concoctions . We had angel food cake ( I know my dad is indignant I made angel food cake the day * after * he left ) , brownies , banana bread , blueberry muffins , chocolate pudding , butterscotch pudding , vanilla pudding , vanilla creme , strawberry Jell - O , orange Jell - O ( no one seemed to eat the Jell - O , I 'd leave it out if I had it to do over again ) , blueberry pie filling , cherry pie filling , raspberries , blueberries , blackberries , strawberries , bananas , chocolate chips , marshmallows , nuts , and maraschino cherries . I totally forgot to cut up the kiwi and put it out . Everyone seemed to like it pretty well , so I call it a success : ) Anyways , as I 'm sure you all know , we have a pool in our back yard . . . in England . . . which still makes no sense . It was apparent that this pool has been neglected for several years . Regardless that it was well covered , it still had MANY things growing in it and moving no less when we took the cover off to inspect it . As soon as we removed the cover we were swarmed by mosquitoes . Here 's a picture several days after the cover was removed ( after the bugs died down ) . Now , I 'm one of those people who treats the unknown with enthusiasm . I know NOTHING about pools and therefore I was bound and determined to learn something while I had the opportunity , since we probably will never have a pool again . I did some studying on the subject and once I got a decent grasp of what I was suppose to do , I was off to the races . . . only to find that the pump was shot . OMG ! ! ! Blue ( or sort of ) water ! So here 's the phase where all the bacteria and algae were screaming in pain because I dumped almost 3 times the normal dose of liquid chlorine into the pool ( hey , I 'm horrible at chemistry and figured more is better in this case ) . . . and I was right so nyeh ! TADA . . . clean , clear pool . All I have left to do is vacuum the junk off the bottom and we are ready to go swimming . Sadie 's going first since I don 't like cold water . I 'm having a really good day today . I did a workout this morning , I 'm feeling good ( I think maybe it 's vitamins that make me feel better , who knew ? ) , annnnd I got my Stampin ' Up order today with a brand - new catalog to drool over . Oh yes , they will be getting lots of my money next year ( Lee , you so totally did not see that last sentence ! ) And here I am with the last of the Scotland pictures . First up , I remembered this time to post the picture of the sticky toffee pudding ! I have no idea what it actually is , other than totally delicious . The cakey part was warm and there was vanilla ice cream with it ; other places you 'll get cream rather than ice cream . We weren 't sure what the little fruit on top was ( under all the powdered sugar ) . . . a kumquat maybe ? I forget . Lee ate it though . And here 's my new Hogwarts banner hanging up in my house since I know my Harry Potter trivia : ) Here you can see where I hung it up ; there was a screw in the wall already and we didn 't have anything else to go there ( perhaps we should have taken the screw out when we painted , but whatever ) so that 's where the banner will live until we get something else to go there . If we get something else to go there , I kinda like the Hogwarts crest . This is the Lion Arch , which was used for the front entrance to Hogwarts in Sorcerer 's Stone . It 's also been used in some other movies , most notably Robin Hood : Prince of Thieves . I remember all the little statues from the Harry Potter movies , remember the one that had two crossed swords that Harry hit the Bludger between during his Quidditch lesson with Oliver Wood ? That one was made just for the movie , it 's not actually part of the castle . Just ' cause I thought it was a neat shot : ) This is where they filmed both Harry 's first flying lesson with Madam Hooch and the Quidditch lesson with Oliver Wood . The castle belongs to the Percy family , and I think that I heard it was the second - largest inhabited castle in England , after Windsor . The Lion Arch again ; there 's a plant off to the left side of the photo , I think it was holly , which was supposed to keep witches / wizards from entering the castle . We had a little guided tour and our tour guide pointed that out and noted that Harry and his friends had no trouble getting in the castle . The Lion Arch and the parapet were also used in Robin Hood , you know when Robin goes to the castle near the end of the movie to rescue his guys ? He stands on the castle wall here at Alnwick and shoots an arrow that severs the hanging rope of one of his men that was hanging in a castle in southern France . As our tour guide said , that had to be a world - record shot ! You also see this bit of the castle walls in Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets when Harry and Ron fly over the wall in the flying Ford Anglia . Oops , I didn 't realize I did two almost identical shots on here . Oh well , here 's a second view of the walls ! There is a row of what looks like manhole covers running diagonally across this courtyard , which mark the line of the Whistling Tunnel . There is a little narrow tunnel running across the courtyard which servants used to transport food from the kitchen to the big formal dining rooms ; since it was enclosed it kept the food from getting cold en route during the winter . To keep This is a statue of Harry Hotspur , a Percy family ancestor who was a big hero back in the day . And there 's a view from up on the castle parapet , pretty countryside , huh ? This concludes our trip to Scotland . So now we need to go somewhere else so I can post more pictures for you : ) Until that happens , I 'm gonna go look through my new Stampin ' Up catalog again ! Ok , I 'm not 100 % sure that any part of this train in particular was used in any of the Harry Potter movies , but let 's just go with it here . This is an honest - to - goodness coal - powered steam train . Cindy warned us ahead of time to try to keep the windows shut when going through tunnels because if you don 't , you get coal dust all in the train compartments . ( We forgot at least a couple times . ) Told you it was the Hogwarts Express . Our tour group was all sitting in the first class section and I wish we 'd gotten a picture of Cindy , because she had on her Hogwarts best - - Gryffindor robes , gray sweater and red - and - yellow tie . And there 's me with my Bertie Botts Every Flavor Beans and a Chocolate Frog . ( I ate the frog but not the beans . I 'm with Dumbledore on that one . ) So here 's a not - so - great picture of the Glenfinnan Viaduct , which I know for sure IS in the Harry Potter movies . This is what they use for the iconic shots of the Hogwarts Express chugging along towards Hogwarts . A couple shots of the scenery we rode past . . . Cindy had several Harry Potter - related activities for us and we were so busy with the coloring contest that we kinda forgot to look out the windows for a while . Lee made up for it though , in the end we had 159 pictures from the train , which is like 1 / 3 of all the photos we took over the weekend . So I 'm only showing you 10 % because a . ) uploading 159 photos would take forever , b . ) there were quite a few that when you click through them on the computer , they look like a movie , and c . ) no way would you bother scrolling through all of those on the blog . The ride was maybe two hours I think , and our destination was the small town of Mallaig , which Lee absolutely fell in love with . It 's a quaint , picturesque little town and luckily the weather cooperated and didn 't rain on us the entire time we were there . Our waitress at lunch said it was the first day in over a month that it hadn 't been pouring down rain . We only stayed in Mallaig long enough to walk around a little and eat lunch , then back on the train . And Just ' cause I thought this was a cool shot with the train and the smoke and the scenery . And here we are on the viaduct again . I kinda would like to go down into the countryside around there and take photos of the viaduct from the ground . During our ride back to Fort William ( I think it was Fort William where we started from ) , two men in traditional Scottish garb came through selling raffle tickets for a couple bottles of whiskey , and then this one guy agreed to have his picture taken with a bunch of us from our tour group . The other guy , an older dude with a gray beard and a wicked sense of humor , happily hiked up his kilt when asked if he really wore it in the traditional way , and even let the girl across from us take a picture . Full moon in Scotland ! ! ! ( He did at least make sure none of the kids in our tour group could see before he did it . ) So yep , that was the train ride . We got back to Fort William and then hit the road for a couple of hours to get to our hotel outside of Sterling ( and Lee and I will have to go back to Sterling some other time ) . Ah , crud , I forgot the sticky toffee pudding picture again ! Dangit . When we had dinner that night , I ordered it again ' cause it was that good . Lee had something with lots of strawberries : )
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Sorry I haven 't posted . I 'm not in the mood , I 'm too tired , I have other things to do . . . blah blah blah . And upon further inspection , I have come to the conclusion that I despise Christmas and I don 't wish to bring my readers down with my anti - holiday attitude at this current time . So to all of you proponents of Christmas for whatever reason , Bah Humbug . Besides , Christ was born in April . Google it . Dear Aunt Bethany , We sure love you . And we feel like we have to apologize because our mom is a super - slacker . We know she promised you that she would update our Christmas / Hanukkah wish lists online , but she hasn 't . So we decided to do a blog post in her behalf . We have to start out by saying that we really don 't need anything . But we know your retort to that would be somewhere along the lines of " Well what kind of favorite non - aunt aunt would I be if I didn 't get you Christmas / Hanukkah gifts ? " and we , as small children , appreciate that . So , here 's the deal : Books are always good . Mom loves for us to have educational toys . Logan is a fan of drawing and artsy - things ( but not finger - painting or anything else that gets his hands messy ) . Animated movies are nothing to sneeze at . Logan wears 3T with size 6 - 7 shoes and Kaylee is fitting well into the 6 month size clothes . And having you come visit us for a few days would also be a ton of fun . So there are some ideas . We aren 't picky . Hope it helps . We love you SOOOO much ! ! ! Love always , Logan and Kaylee Busy day today . . . First , we decided to give Kaylee her first taste of baby cereal . She LOVED IT ! ! ! I had to make her a second bowl because she wouldn 't stop freaking out . She just wanted more . also , her 4 month doctor 's appointment is tomorrow . My guess is that she is still chubby and tall - ish with an averaged - sized head . In other news , we started decorating for Christmas . The outside lights went up on Saturday ( I don 't know why the picture is tiny . . . sorry ) and so did the tree . But we saved decorating for today . Logan did a great job . However now that he is in bed , I am going to spread out the ornaments a little better : - ) The Palmyra Stake had Stake Conference today and since we were already in Palmyra , we decided to visit the Sacred Grove . Basically , my kids are adorable . And I 'm really loving being home to show them off : - ) It was nice to be back in Bloomfield with my kids to trick - or - treat this year . I 've learned a few things : 1 . It doesn 't matter how much time you spend making your kid 's costume . . . it 's just going to be covered up by a sweater . 2 . The words " please " and " thank you " don 't exist on Halloween . Nor do they matter . You get the candy anyways . 3 . You should only plan on hitting up a few houses close together that you KNOW will have good candy instead of trying to get to as many as possible . . . you end up carrying your kid after 15 minutes , regardless . 4 . Halloween is the best opportunity to see 55 % of the people from your hometown in one fell swoop when you 've been gone a while . 5 . Stick close by to the firehouse . They have donuts , cider , candy , games , and the other 45 % of the town that wasn 't giving out candy at their own houses . And then the costumes . Kaylee gets the Mommy award for cutest Pink Leopard EVER . ( Even though she doesn 't look happy in any of the pictures we got of her in it . ) Logan wins the Mommy award for best " Dash " Incredibles costume made by his mommy . And Madison wins the " Seriously Best costume EVER " award . She was an iPod that actually played music . It cost her nothing , she ( and her mom ) made it practically the day of Halloween , and she came up with the concept all on her own : In other , non - related news , I seem to be winning things from the blogosphere left and right . Remember how I won that copy of " The Dark Divine " in June ? Well , I also won a spot on the author 's " Street Team " to shamelessly promote the book . Which mainly means I get swag . Which I am VERY excited about . ( More on this later . ) And then tonight I found out that I won a $ 50 off $ 100 purchase coupon for Old Navy from Thrifty NW Mom ! ! ! ! ( See post below ! ! ! ) HOW GREAT IS THAT ? ! ? ! ? ! ? ! ? ! I 'm obsessed with this site . Just about every Thursday , my life goes on hold while I wait for ONW to update . But this week , I was too busy . You know , packing and all . So I 'm trying my luck at a giveaway on Thrifty Northwest Mom , a blog I am also obsessed with . Go . Read . Enjoy . I 'm off to finish some last - minute packing . See y ' all in New York ! ! ! ! All of a sudden , my trip to New York snuck up on me . ( And yes , I know " snuck " isn 't a word and that it 's actually " sneaked , " but that sounds absurd . ) Knowing that I leave Friday and that I have a TON of stuff to get done , I kind of started stressing . So I texted Liz to find out if she could maybe take the kids for a few hours and , amazing woman that she is , said no problem and to bring them right over . And do you know what I was able to accomplish in about 4 hours with no children ? Let me enlighten you : FIVE loads of laundry ( thanks to the laundromat ! ) , including towels and sheets . AND FOLDED IT ALL . Did about 3 days worth of dirty dishes and put them away . Repaired a suitcase zipper . Washed the front outside window of my AND my neighbor 's house . ( That wasn 't on my to - do list , but they were bugging me . ) Found my Halloween Shirt . Went grocery shopping . Solved my " I can 't take juice through security at the airport and I WILL NOT pay $ 4 . 50 for a Gatorade at the gate " predicament . ( Kool - Aid singles . . . which were on sale ! ) Waxed my eyebrows and did a quick microderm abrasion facial . Paid the gas , electric , and internet bills . Made dinner . Took dinner to Zac on campus . Looked for my iPod and Logan 's birth certificate . And though I didn 't find them , I know a few places where they aren 't now . Sure I still have a few things to do , but all in all , it was a productive afternoon ! And I feel like I owe my sister - in - law my life : - ) The quality of these pictures is . . . well . . . horrendous . But I have nothing other than my camera phone ( which was dirty , apparently ) since our camera is pretty much shot , so at least I am capturing the moments in some form . Logan dictated the shapes he wanted ( " Square eyes . Heart . Scary . " ) and that 's what he got . And Kaylee just got a tiny pumpkin , so I painted it and gave it a skull and crossbones with a sparkly bow . Kind of precious if you ask me . Zac just did a 5 - minute face carving on his ( which surprised me since he usually goes all out ) and I will probably do mine after I 'm done with this post . Guess you 'll have to stay tuned for pictures of all of them out on our porch to see mine : - ) And yes , that is Matt DiPerri . He is at our house . In Utah . And it makes us happy ! ! ! ! We went to the pumpkin patch yesterday and got Aunt Liz to tag along so we got some cute pictures . I only have access to a few so far , but they are blog - worthy : We got the kids ' pumpkins there and grabbed 2 for Zac and myself at the grocery store on the way home . We 'll probably carve them tonight since this next week and a half will be busy . I have 2 baby blankets , a Halloween costume , and a scrapbook to finish . . . not to mention Zac 's best friend Matt is coming out from NY for a visit on Wednesday ( until next Monday ! ! ! ) , and then I have to gear up for my flight home with the kids . We leave on the 30th ! ! ! ! All in all , I 'm looking forward to the trip back to NY . Sure , the reason behind it sucks ( you know , my dad 's crappy heart ) , but I 'm grateful for my wonderful family that decided it was important for me to be there and are flying me and the kids back . I 'm also grateful that I don 't have any responsibilities keeping me in Utah and that I am able to fly back for such an extended period of time . Well , back to the sewing machine : - ) Follow - up : I did not touch my sewing machine tonight , nor did we carve pumpkins . But tomorrow is another day . For now , I 'm trying to win blog giveaways and here is one of the newest ones : on Thrifty Northwest Mom . And , like I 've said before , feel free to sign - up and if you win , send it to me : - ) Posted by It was taken on Sunday , at least . On our way back from Vegas . Where we had a lot of fun . Today ? Not so fun . Kaylee had her 2 - month immunizations . 3 shots and then an oral rotovirus one . And Logan also got himself 3 shots . . . one that was due at 18 months ( oops . . . ) , one that they were out of last time we were there , and then the first of 2 flu shots . He gets the second one next month . To make up for causing him pain , Zac took him to the store and got him a 5 pound bag of gummy bears . So I guess it all worked out in the end : - ) This one is HUGE so I doubt it will happen , but it 's worth a shot . One of the blogs I follow is giving away a trip to DISNEYLAND ! ! ! You can check out the contest here . And if you 're out of state and can 't make the trip yourself , you should sign up anyways and if you win , give it to us as a Christmas present ! ! ! Also , I just opened a Capri Sun for Logan with one hand while holding Kaylee with the other arm . I 'm getting this mothering thing down : - ) Disclaimer : this could easily become a dark , twisty , sad post . But seeing as how this is my journal , it is one that needs to be written . Deal with it . I 've recently been catching up on one of my favorite TV shows . . . Grey 's Anatomy . And I 've been avoiding this most recent season because I knew one of the characters was killed off . And if you know me at all , you know I don 't deal well with death . . . even if it is on some silly show . Because fictional or not , it brings up some very real emotions . Well , the first two episodes following George 's death were broken up into days since he died , with the episode I just finished ending in " Day 40 . " And it was oddly comforting to know that some other mind out there was using that system because I 've been doing the dame thing . It has been 1305 days since Gary died . Right after I got that terrible phone call from my dad , I was talking to one of my very good friends and she told me that the only thing I could do was to take it one day at a time . And that 's what I started doing . And it 's what I have been doing . For 1305 days . Another terrible cliche that has come along with the " one day at a time " thing is the whole " not a day goes by that I don 't think about him " one . I 'm nearly positive that not a single day has gone by that I haven 't thought about him . I have his couch , his car , his cookware , his piano . . . the list goes on . And even if I didn 't have all of those things as physical reminders , I 'm sure it wouldn 't matter . I 've thought about him every day . For 1305 days . Another reason I 've been thinking about Gary a lot ( and probably 96 % of the reason I 'm writing this post ) is because I 've come to a very difficult part in the novel I 've been working on for the last year . I 'm closing in on the scene where the girl 's uncle is about to die ( sound familiar ? ) . And I haven 't been able to sit down and write it for almost six weeks now . I 've been using the excuse that I have a new baby to my writing group , but let 's be honest . I just can 't write the scene yet . It still feels too soon . But itPosted by This is my new baby . I 've been in the market for a double stroller since . . . well , before Kaylee was born . I had become partial to the Sit - N - Stand Delux , but I just couldn 't commit for a few reasons . . . one of those reasons being that it was going to cost upwards of $ 160 . So in my daily browsing of free stuff and baby stuff on Craigslist , I happened across an ad for a used double stroller that was $ 60 . And the ad said this : " VERY NICE Evenflo Double stroller ! This is in PERFECT condition ! Very limited use ! both seats recline , has shade covers for both babies , back seat has attached bar that flips into position for an infant car seat and an attached strap to keep it secure ! Handle has a built in WIPE HOLDER which is super cool ! It is the easy step in design so an older child can climb in and out without you having to pick them up ! AWESOME STROLLER ! I 'm selling it because I bought a double jogger . " My biggest beef with the Sit - n - Stand was that the baby 's car seat would be in the front and kind of far away . . . especially if I need to pop a binky back in or adjust the sun shade . So a stroller that gave me the option of having the car seat in the back was intriguing . However , the BEST thing about the Sit - n - Stand was that it gave Logan the freedom ( and relieved me of the duty ) of getting himself in and out of the stroller . And this stroller has that option , too ! ! ! ! ! Not only can the snack tray on the front seat be removed so he can just get in and out , the back seat ( when not occupied by a car seat ) has a little step that he can get up on to get in and out of the seat . A bonus with this stroller is that not only do both seats have fully adjustable sun shades , both have reclining seats ! ! ! ! For serious , this is the stroller I had been dreaming about . However , I have learned to be cautious when buying from Craigslist . . . you can 't have the highest of expectations . But I was NOT disappointed ! ! ! This stroller literally was in better condition than Logan 's that we 've had for two + years . Granted Logan 's stroller got some serious milesPosted by I 'm sick so this is going to be short , but I want to post Miss K 's stats before I forget . She had her 2 month well baby check today and at just over 2 months old is : 12 lbs 3 oz . . . 90th percentile ! 23 . 5 inches long . . . 90th percentile ! She smiles ALL the time . She still rolls over from her stomach to her back whenever she gets the chance . She prefers to be held than being in her swing , bumbo seat , papasan chair , etc . She loves being in the Moby wrap . . . as long as she can face outward . She is a light sleeper during the day ( 45 minute naps every 2 or 3 hours ) , but is THE BEST sleeper at night . She goes down around 11 , sleeps straight through until 6 or 7 when she wakes up to eat , then instantly falls back asleep when she is full and sleeps until about 9 . We sure love this little princess ! ! ! This last week has been a week full of new stuff . Or mostly new . Let 's start with Kaylee 's new stuff : First , a crib . Like I said , it 's mostly new . It was Logan 's , which was given to us by the Christensens . Which I believe was given to them by someone . . . but you get the point . It 's new to her ! She isn 't in it at night yet , but naps there during the day . The bedding is also new . . . though I got it at a garage sale the week after I found out I was having a girl . It was brand new and bought at Target , but since the lady didn 't have the receipt , she couldn 't return it . Score for me ! And then Kaylee 's other new thing , a best friend : This is Alice ( Allie ) Naomi Williams . My best friend Dani had her Tuesday 9 / 22 and we decided that our girls are going to be best friends just like our boys already are . On to Logan 's " new " stuff : Yep ! He got a fish tank ! And though we don 't have fish in it yet , it is housing his stupid African diving frogs we got him at the Utah County fair last month . And I 'm sure we 'll get fish eventually . The deal for the tank itself was that Logan had to sleep in his own bed every night for a week . No falling asleep in our bed , no coming into our bed during the night . Strictly his bed . And he did it . And then I found the whole setup ( tank , decor , light , heater ) for $ 30 on Craigslist . So it was a done deal . It also seems to be serving as motivation for Logan to go to bed at night , so I love it so far . And Zac 's new stuff ? A laptop . Apparently , the Cadillac of laptops . It 's made by a company called " Alienware . " It 's graphics and processor make Macs look like pieces of crap , apparently . It came with a pretty hefty pricetag , but we managed it . And hey , the goofy , giddy grin on Zac 's face is totally worth it : So now for my new toy : I GOT A NEW VACUUM ! ! ! ! The one we inherited from Gary was damaged beyond repair after lending it out , so we bit the bullet and got a new one . And though I would have loved a Dyson , we just didn 't have the $ 500 to spend . So we grabbed this one on sale at Sears for just under $ 100 . And I LOVPosted by And not just once , but twice . She was doing tummy time and within 30 seconds rolled over on her left side . We " oohed " and " aah - ed " and put her back on her tummy . Then less than a minute later , she rolled over on her right side . Just for the record , she is rolling at 7 weeks old . Go baby , go ! Classes at BYU started today . And for the first time in a long time , I am missing out on the first day of school . I did take the semester that Zac and I got married off ( Fall 2005 ) , but aside from that , I have been going to school since September of 1989 . Granted that was nursery school , but it was still school . But 1989 ? That 's 20 years , people ! ! ! ! ! So how am I feeling ? I thought perhaps I would be a little sad or feel the slightest tinge of jealousy when Zac headed out the door this morning . But do I ? NOPE ! I even went back and looked at this post that I wrote right after a favorite professor of mine informed me that I should eventually pursue a Master 's degree . I 'm still flattered , but there is NO WAY IN HECK I am considering any more school in the near future . I was also glad to read that post and realize that I have no regrets about my life so far . I 'm glad I invested as much time into my education as I did , but I am also thrilled to be a stay - at - home mom with my two adorable children . Now back to that " Zac going to school " thing . Some of you may have recalled this : and are now thinking , " Um . . . didn 't he graduate ? " Answer : Yes . Sort of . Let me explain . BYU does this nifty thing where they allow you to " walk " even if you aren 't done with school yet . We took advantage of this courtesy for a few reasons . . . mainly because both Savannah and I were graduating and we thought it would be easy on our families if they could attend one graduation instead of having to come back out here four months later for another . And I guess my biggest reason was to get a picture of Zac , Logan , and myself all in caps and gowns . True story : we didn 't get that picture . I was a little sad . But I digress . . . So Zac walked and still had to take 3 credits to get his diploma . And he took those credits this summer . So technically , he was finished with school 2 weeks ago . However , we are still here . " Why ? " you ask ? Several reasons , actually . The main one being that Zac doesn 't have a job or an internship with any major companies yet . And we don 't fePosted by Logan and Kaylee getting ready for bed . So precious . Also , I 'm trying to win a blog giveaway . It 's for some high - value coupons at ThriftyNorthwestMom . I really love this site and all the free stuff she tells you about . I even got 24 free digital prints at Walgreens because of one of her posts . It was great . . . I sent them from my computer to a Walgreens in New York and had my parents pick them up so now they have some new hard copies of their favorite grandbabies : - ) This weekend we had Stake Conference and while we didn 't plan on attending the two - hour session this morning ( with a million other people in an extremely uncomfortable place with a crazy two - year - old for two hours ) , I had every intention of attending the adult session last night with Zac . However , this is what went down . . . 3 : 19 p . m . - Texted wonderful sister - in - law , Rosie , who is in town visiting from New York and asked if she wanted to spend some quality time with her nephew while we went to church . She gladly obliged . 3 : 40 p . m . - While doing laundry , asked several neighbors where and when I could expect the session to be held since the only info on our RS calendar for August 29th was " Stake Conference . " . The general consensus was 7 - 9 at the Provo Tabernacle . 6 : 00 p . m . - Made dinner and got dressed while Zac picked Rosie up from Liz 's . 6 : 43 p . m . - Left Logan in the capable hands of his " Aunt Losie " and headed out the door with Kaylee . 6 : 58 p . m . - Parked in the parking garage we THOUGHT was the free one behind the tabernacle . Turns out it was neither free NOR behind the tabernacle . 7 : 09 p . m . - After circling the block and realizing we had no idea where the building was , headed back to the car and called best buddy Chris to confirm the location of the tabernacle . We were three block too far north . 7 : 11 p . m . - Realized neither one of us had the $ 2 cash it required to get out of the garage . Zac prepared to walk the 6 blocks to our bank to use the ATM . I was close to a breakdown . Then a very kind and wonderful gentleman overheard us talking about what to do to get out of the garage and gave us the $ 2 . He said it was because our daughter was cute . 7 : 14 p . m . - Exited the garage and drove to the one that was in fact free and behind the tabernacle . 7 : 18 p . m . - Arrived at the tabernacle doors behind a family dressed in t - shirts and shorts ( suspicious clue # 1 ) and ahead of a good thirty other people ( suspicious clue # 2 . . . 18 minutes late is late even for Mormons ) . 7 : 19 p . m . - Zac forgot to leave his huge glass of diet Pepsi in the car , so he Posted by Dear BYU Financial Aid department , You suck . I have never experienced more problems with financial aid processing than I have with you over the last 4 months with Zac 's stuff . First it was the incompetence of someone there who entered the aid year as 2006 - 2007 instead of 2008 - 2009 . That delayed us getting loan money for THREE MONTHS . We had to take out a short - term loan form BYU that wasn 't paid until 3 weeks AFTER it was due . Not our fault , YOURS . And now we have been presented with $ 5 , 000 of Stafford Loan money which we will gladly accept , but we are also entitled to receive $ 2 , 500 in Grant money ( according to the FEDERAL WEBSITE ! ) and yet there is no mention of a Pell Grant anywhere on YOUR website . My frustrations with you do not end there , but since I find myself becoming increasingly agitated just writing about this , I am going to stop before I throw something . - SarahDear Costco , Thanks for making shopping fun and economical . Even if you do take way more of my money than I intend to let you take every time I enter your glorious threshold . - SarahDear People that always park in our spot , I know we don 't have assigned parking spots in out complex , but I think it is generally assumed that you park in front of your own door . Not OUR door that is seven parking spots down from yours . I don 't care if you have a huge truck that you find impossible to park in the right spot instead of the left spot and when all the other left spots are taken you feel entitled to ours . YOU AREN ' T . IT ' S OURS . And I 'm only writing this to let off some steam so I don 't key the side of your vehicle next time I have to park anywhere but MY spot in front of MY door . - SarahDear Cafe Rio , Thank you for existing and making the thought of eating at your fine establishment tomorrow reason to make it through this last week . - SarahDear BYU College of Fine Arts and Communications , Please hire Zac for the job he applied for . Our whole family would be eternally grateful if he had a job that did not require him to work until 1 : 00 a . m . every night of the week . Posted by It is freaking hot today . Our outdoor thermometer says 96 . And that 's in the shade . So we decided our family activity for the day would be to wash the car . We have the car wash soap , so we took that and some other car washing supplies over to our old apartment complex that has a car wash area equipped with hoses and a vacuum . The water was nice and cold so it was a fun little family activity . . . and productive to boot ! Zac hosing down the SubeLogan being such a good helper ! ( Before we started chasing him with the hose . . . ) And Kaylee watching all of the activities from the comfort of her car seat and a shady tree . First order of business , the pictures : I tried to snap one of Logan kissing Kaylee , but I got the before and after . Second order of business , Miss K 's 2 week check - up . Babies are expected to be back to their birth weight by two weeks . This ensures they are eating enough and you 're producing enough , etc . Well , if you recall , she was 7 lbs 4 oz . And at her doctor 's appointment , she was a whopping 8 lbs 7 oz ! ! ! That put her into the 55th percentile for weight . She also measured 21 inches in length which put her in the 70th percentile . And her head is 37 . 5 cm , in the 80th percentile . Whereas Logan 's ginormous head was 41 cm at 2 weeks and put him above the 100th percentile . In other baby news , I think Kaylee is having the same dairy issues Logan did . When I eat / drink dairy , she screams her head off after eating . Logan seemed most affected ( effected ? I don 't remember . . . ) after I would eat chocolate , but dairy did a number on his tummy , too . Knowing that , I gave up chocolate for the last three days , seeing if it would help Kaylee at all . It didn 't . So now I 'm off dairy for the next three days and we 'll see how that goes . It won 't be easy for me , I 'll tell you that . I love cheese and yogurt . And recently , we 've been having milkshakes for dessert . And though I can 't have the shakes without a Lactaid pill , I will still miss them dearly . Oh well . I guess a happy baby will be worth it . Posted by Ok , both kids are asleep and I 'm waiting for the husband to get home from work so I thought I 'd finally sit down and write out all of the gory details of my little princess ' birth last Tuesday . So , for those of you that are interested , here goes : My doctor agreed to induce me on Tuesday the 21st ( even though it was her day off ) because Monday night was when my WONDERFUL mother - in - law , Jaylene , flew in from New York to help out around the house after I had the baby . My sister - in - law , Savannah , also flew back here from New York the same day after having been gone for three weeks . So Tuesday the 21st seemed like the best idea , knowing I would have someone to watch Logan and knowing that I could get full use out of my mother - in - law for the week that she was here . So Zac left work early Monday night to drive to Salt Lake to get his mom and sister . There were some construction issues which detoured them for an extra 45 minutes in Salt Lake , but when they finally got back here to Provo ( about 12 : 30 a . m . ) , we visited for all of 20 minutes before everyone went to bed . After all , we were expecting an action - packed Tuesday and wanted to get our rest . Well you can guess how well I slept . I think I fell asleep around 2 : 30 but woke back up when Logan came into our room at 4 : 15 . So I got him his juice and decided I would sleep better on the couch . Which I did . For an hour and a half . When the hospital called . Me : Hello ? Nurse : Hi Sarah , this is so - and - so from Utah Valley Regional . We have you as the first on our list of six inductions for this morning . How early can you be here ? Me : Um . . . Nurse : Is quarter after six going to work ? Me : Um . . . maybe . What time is it ? Nurse : 5 : 40 . Me : Um . . . Nurse : Would 6 : 30 be better ? Me : Um . . . yeah , sure . Nurse : Great ! See you soon ! So I rolled out of bed . . . er . . . couch , and made myself a bowl of oatmeal before rousing the rest of the house and calling Savannah to come watch Logan . We made it to the hospital by 6 : 37 ( I may have gone to mother / baby on the 4th floor instead of labor / delivery on the 5th floor ) and Posted by
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Saturday morning we left sister Dee 's home and drove down the westside of the Sacramento Valley . It was clear and beautiful . The landscape is a golden brown and very dry . But also beautiful in it 's own way . The rolling hills look like velvet . These hills are Lon 's old stomping grounds . We drove by the cemetery where all of his Luce family is buried . Then on past his old homeplace . We stopped in Elk Creek where he went to school and lived part of the time . We had lunch at the Elkhorn Restaurant - and old hang out for him and his friends . We met his sister Dee , his mom , his cousin Juanita and her husband , and some old school mates . Was a super lunch and a wonderful time for Lon to catch up on the " gossip " of the small town of Elk Creek . He had 7 in his graduating class ! ! We left Elk Creek after visiting for awhile and drove down the road to another small town for a short visit with his cousin Bud . They grew up together and who knows what trouble they got into ! ! We drove more country roads to get back to the valley and to my sister 's home where we had dinner with her and family . Jack rotisseried ? sp a fresh ham . It was very good . Jackie 's home and yard are always so beautiful . We finally got to Woodland about 9pm to check in to the motel - Shadow Inn Best Western for 2 nights . This morning ( Sunday ) we slept in . It was dark in the room and quiet and the bed was comfortable . We got up and went shopping and then to Jackie 's for some much needed visting and another wonderful dinner . We sewed , and did computer / picture stuff while Lon watched baseball and napped . When he got up and sat in the recliner their dog , Carley , had to get in his lap ! ! She 's such a great dog . I have taken a lot of pictures of the area that I could share , but I don 't want to overload this . We came back to the motel full as ticks , and tired . Ready to hit the sack . In fact , Lon is sleeping already . What a good day it was ! ! Tomorrow it 's supposed to be 108 here so we are headed for the coast - Ft . Bragg . Will be there 2 days . It 's in the low 60 's so hope we have warm enough clothes ! Might have to go shopping again : - ) The car is going to be even more loaded when we head home than when we started out . More later . Take care . Posted by Happy birthday to son in law Brandon and our grandson Salem AKA Bubba ! ! ! Hated to miss their birthdays . Also , happy birthday to Brandon 's mom tomorrow . . Ready to call it a day . Posted by Thursday was a busy day . We left Orland to go to Chico about 1130 . Lon needed a haircut so he went to his old barber that he used to see before we moved to TN 12 years ago . They had a nice visit . We had lunch at a favorite restaurant from the past - Italian Cottage . Lon had a pastrami & cheese . I had a meatball sandwich . Just a good as we remembered . Still have sawdust on the floor . We had made plans to visit with my brother and his family . Was good to see them . Sit on their back patio , view their beautiful yard , have a cool drink and visit . The car needed a bath badly . Had bugs on there from Wyoming and Utah , etc . it looked so pretty when they finished . We had intended to go back to Orland but were able to connect with some old friends and ended up having dinner at another favorite restaurant , La Hacienda . They have the BEST dressing for their salads . It 's a " secret recipe " but they do sell it now . Was afraid it wouldn 't be good by the time we get back to TN so refrained from buying some ! ! We had left Lon 's mom to fend for herself so got back to Orland just in time for her to go to bed . She is pretty independent for 95 ! ! Was a good day . Today , Friday , we are sitting in the lounge at Chuck Patterson Toyota in Chico having the car serviced - 5000 mile check up . It had about 150 miles on it when we bought it in April on Good Friday ! We got a card for a free car wash at the place we used yesterday ! ! May need to use it before we leave for home . : - ) We drove to Lake Oroville and Oroville Dam . Took pictures of the low water ! ! Then we drove to Durham where I grew up . Took lots of pictures of old familiar sites . Many places were not there any more . And many places were hard to recognize because of the trees getting so big . The high school where I went is gone - replaced by a new building . Also the elementary school ( was Grammar School when I went there ) . Here is a picture of the remains of my old Grammar School . A good day . Lon came home and took a nap ! Now getting ready to fix dinner - pork chops ! Wednesday am . We have 3000 + miles on the car so far this trip ! Time to get the car serviced ! ! We are staying at Lon 's sister 's home in Orland , California . Yesterday ( Tuesday ) we went to Chico ( our home town ) and visited with Lon 's step daughter and her family . Had lunch and got to see all the kids and grandkids . While Lon visited with Lisa , I went shopping ! ! Found a quilt store that I hadn 't been to before - can you believe it ? ? The Rabbit Hole . They have lots of beautiful fabric , and all the other things a quilter could wish for . The weather has been nice . Hot and dry ( 85 today , next week 105 ! ) but I 'm glad to see the sunshine ! ! Here 's a view from Dee 's front porch of her street . I had a couple of hours to shop so I went to the Chico Mall , Raley 's grocery store , and Costco to get lamb chops for dinner tonight . Can 't wait to have them ! ! We are being lazy today . Visiting with Lon 's mom who came back home yesterday . Haven 't made any further plans . Just short little trips around the area this week . Then next week may go to the coast . That 's all for now . < 3 Sunday morning we awoke to clear blue skies , a gentle breeze through the pine trees and the clean scent of pine in Chester , CA . We kind of slept in so had to hurry a little to get showered and packed up and out by 11 : 00 . We went out to North Shore Campground by Lake Almanor for a short visit with my sister , Jackie . We sat on the deck and enjoyed to view of the lake . We drove around the campground to check out the space where we had a trailer for several years on Skunk Road ! From " our " side of the campground Mt . Lassen is visible . There isn 't much snow on the mountain but at least there is some . The lake is low but not as low as we have seen it in the past . There is a major drought going on in California so there is concern with the forests being dry and the humidity very low . Was 8 % in Chester over the weekend . Compared to Tennessee - - - that 's dry ! ! After a great visit with Jackie , we stopped in Chester at the Lassen Gift Shop which used to be Lassen Drug Store . Was glad to see they still have the soda fountain ! We each had a dish of ice cream . It was a real treat as a kid growing up to go in and have a milkshake at the fountain . They were served with a spoon b / c they were so thick . My kids ' grandpa worked at Ayoob 's across the street and he would treat my sister and me to a shake ( a long time ago ! ) We drove down Hwy 32 ( Deer Creek Highway ) to Chico . It is so beautiful ! A curvy road , but so pretty next to the creek . Should have stopped to take pictures . We got to Dee 's house about 4pm . ( Lon 's sister ) Was good to see her . Was time to relax . Lon and Dee went to bed about 9pm ( much too early for me ! ) Today is Dee 's birthday so a couple of cousins and friends came over at lunch time . Had a " salad lunch " and chili beans . Was fun listening to the cousins reminisce about their " growing up " years . Dee is driving to Fresno tomorrow to pick up their Mom . So Lon will get to see his ( 95 year old ) mom again . She has been visiting another daughter in southern California . We weren 't sure if we would get to see her . Lon , his sister Dee ( the birthday girl ) , and cousin Mavis . Was great to see all of them that came . It 's warm and dry today - 94 degrees , 18 % humidity . A little windy . Blue skies . That 's all for today folks ! Tune in later for more updates . < 3 We arrived in Sparks , Nevada on Friday about 3pm . The check in line was getting long then but got much longer after we checked in at the Nugget Hotel . This is the view of the east tower from our room . We had a handicapped room on the 18th floor that was a corner room . Beautiful view . Huge room ! We had the best dinners at the Steakhouse in the Casino . I had halibut with limoncello sauce ( I think that 's spelled right ! ) It was absolutely delicious . Lon had a prime rib dinner that also was scrumptious ! ! We were stuffed after we shared a dessert that the waitress talked us into : - ) There was a big rodeo going on in Reno . It had started on Thursday and will run until the 26th I believe . Saw lots of cowboys and cowboy hats ! ! ! Reno always has something going on . Today we left Reno about 11 am and arrived in Chester about 3pm - just in time to check into our motel - Rose Quartz Best Western . It 's beautiful in Chester . The air is so clean and smells so good with the pine trees . The wind in the trees brings back a lot of memories . We went out to Lake Almanor to my niece 's cabin to have dinner with my sister and her daughter and her family . We were pleasantly surprised to have Jackie 's son come up from the valley to surprise us . We had Jackie 's " famous tacos " and french fries . It was a delicious dinner sitting on her deck looking at the lake and enjoying the company of family . Me and my sis . It was getting a little chilly with the wind blowing off the lake . It 's 58 degrees now . Time to turn in . Lon has been in bed for a couple of hours ! ! What a good day this has been . Take care . More later . < 3 Oh my ! The days are starting to run together . As of this afternoon we have travelled 2600 + miles . Yesterday morning ( Wednesday ) we were in Denver . Left there and drove to Cheyenne Wyoming on I25 where we connected with I80 ( the road that will take us to Reno eventually ) . Went through Laramie , Rawlins , and on to Evanston . I had no idea that the country was at such a high elevation . 6500 feet to above 8000 feet at a summit . We stayed in Evanston , WY which was 6749 feet . Lon didn 't tolerate the high elevation very well . Was short of breath with any walking . So he was glad to get back down to lower elevations in Salt Lake and beyond . We saw some beautiful country tho . Wish I could have gotten more pictures of the rock formations . I saw lots of names of places that I recognized from the past but had no idea where they were . Snowbird , Alta , etc . I was pleasantly surprised to find the speed limit in Utah was 80 miles per hour . It has been 75 most of the way except for road construction . We crossed the continental divide ( in 2 different places ? ? ) and today saw the Great Salt Lake and the salt flats . We stopped in Wendover Utah / Nevada for lunch . When we got to Elko , Nevada we exited the freeway ( much to the dismay of Siri 's sister ) and drove through town . I lived there when my son was born in 1969 so was fun to see the town and reminisce . It has certainly grown from when I lived there . But much is still the same . We are in Winnemucca , NV tonight . It 's warm here . Was 85 when we arrived . I forgot to mention that in Evanston , WY it was cold and the whole trip across Wyoming was in 50 's and upper 40 's . A shock after having had 90 - 100 degree weather in Kansas with high humidity . Evanston was low humidity and 35 degrees this am . Glad I brought a sweat shirt ! ! It 's been quite windy most of the way the last couple of days . Gas prices are climbing as we get closer to California . We are now on Pacific time . Takes some adjusting . Lon was in bed at 9 : 30 ! ! He rested some in the car today , might have slept a few minutes , but didn 't really get his good nap in . We will leave here tomorrow and travel to Sparks , NV and stay at the Nugget Hotel . Then on to Chester for a night and a visit with my sis and niece . Can 't wait to see them . I 'm ready to hit the hay . Take care . Love to all . < 3 Today was a LONG day ! ! ! We left Wichita , Kansas about 10 : 30 this am after a nice Continental breakfast at our motel , The Best Western . We started the day with 1234 . 9 miles on the trip odometer . We traveled on I135 to Salina , KS where we got on I70West . Siri 's sister kept us on track and got us to our destination . She took a long nap while we drove many miles straight west . The only time she woke up was when we pulled off the freeway to get gas and she thought we were lost so directed us to make legal u - turns to get back on the freeway ! ! Haven 't figured out how to put her on pause while we make a detour . I actually passed up several quilt stores today . The weather was good today except it was very windy . Thankful there were no storms to deal with . We saw hundreds of windmills over a very large area . They must be more profitable than growing crops ! ! We also saw very few billboards that were all in tact . There must have been some pretty hefty winds in the area at some point . Even some of the large highway signs were laying twisted on the ground . The country side looked mostly green except for the 1000 's of acres of wheat that is ready for harvesting . It 's amazing how much open land there is in this country . We were talking about the early settlers and trying to imagine how they made it across that country walking , riding horse , or in a wagon . They must have been pretty tough people . They must have had a hard time keeping their directions straight . There is nothing to anchor your sights on like mountains . Just the sun I guess . In Oklahoma as well as Kansas there are many oil wells . We were calling them grasshoppersbecause the pumps looked like grasshoppers . Some were functioning , others sat idle . Some were rusty and old looking , others were painted various colors . One was red , white , and blue with stars ! ! We were on the road 8 hours today - probably 7 hours actually driving . It was a long day for Lon and he was pretty tired when we got here . Wish he could relax enough to sleep in the car but he can 't . We are in DenvePosted by Didn 't have a chance to post anything yesterday because I wanted to put on pictures and didn 't have access to wifi . Apparently I can 't post pictures from the ipad or iphone . Anyway we had a very nice Father 's Day ending with a wonderful dinner at Fogo de Chao in Addison , TX . If you are like me , you haven 't been there before . Although they have restaurants all over the US . It is a Brazilian Steakhouse . They have servers and gauchos . The gauchos bring lots of different kinds of meats around on skewers . They cut off a piece and give it to you . The lamb chops were great , plus several different cuts of beef , pork , and chicken . That was the second round of the dinner . The first round was a beautiful help - yourself salad bar . It could have been the whole meal by itself ! ! In the above picture ( Lon , Natalie , and Rob a friend ) you can see my plate of salad ! The coasters are to signal to the gauchos that you want more meat . If you leave it green , they just keep coming back with more meat . Red means STOP ! I was going to take a picture of my plate when I started eating but forgot until most of it was gone . : - ) It is a very popular restaurant . They had over 1200 reservations for yesterday . So they served over 2000 guests . Pretty amazing . We had a very nice visit with Natalie . Was great for her to spend Father 's Day with her dad . She made a big batch of chocolate chip cookies for us to take . A good part of them are gone tonight ! ! Tonight we are in Wichita , Kansas . It 's very windy and hot but clear . Been 93 most of the day . We left Dallas about 1030 this am . Drove about an hour north to Winstar Casino in Thackerville , OK . It is billed as the world 's biggest casino . It goes on forever ! ! We had lunch at Toby Keith 's Bar and Grill . Was very good . Lon did well on the slots so we left ahead of the game . Lon is tired tonight but again didn 't sleep in the car so he missed his nap . He 's in bed already watching the College World Series game with Vanderbilt and UC Irvine . Vandy is winning at this point . Will try to post tomorrow night sincPosted by Today was a day for relaxing . Lon took a nice long nap and I had a nice visit to Quilt Country ! We visited with a friend of Natalie 's and then had an excellent dinner made by Natalie . We had Seared Petite Lamb Chops with Rosemary Balsamic reduction . Had good weather today - off and on cloudy with some wind , hot and humid . It 's bedtime here in Texas ! ! Nite all . Take care . It 's been a Good Friday the 13th . Last night we stayed in Marshall Texas at a Hampton Inn . Had a nice breakfast at the hotel before leaving for Dallas . Needed to get fortified in preparation for Dallas traffic . Fortunately the weather was good . When we got close to Dallas and Plano I just had to find Fabric Fanatics quilt Shop . I 'm friends with them on Facebook and had won some fabric from them last year . It was well worth the detour to find it . They stock only batiks ! ! ! My favorite . A good part of their inventory was gone to a quilt show in Cincinnati and then Chicago . Even so , there were more bolts of gorgeous fabrics than I had seen in one shop . I had to shop fast . Lon was waiting in the car - getting antsy and ready to see his daughter ! Sorry - no time for photos there . Good thing because it 's looking like I can 't add photos here from my phone . Don 't have wifi available for computer Anyway , we arrived at Natalie 's home around 3pm . Was good to see her . After Lon got in a quick nap , she made a delicious dinner . Then we just relaxed and visited . I 'm writing this post very early Saturday am . Will try to post again tonight after another trip to a quilt shop near by - Quilt Country . Not sure what else is on the agenda for the day . Take care < 3 On our way into Ruston , LA last night we saw a big billboard on the highway that said " The Fabric Shop " so this am we went looking for it . Got caught in some road construction and our Siri guide got us almost there and then said she didn 't have specific details about the turns so couldn 't help us ! ! Great ! So we went around in a circle but finally found it . Was a real nice store . Very friendly staff . Bought some fabric - of course ! Lon sat at a sewing machine and patiently waited for me : - ) He 's gotten used to doing that . Rushton is a college town - home to Louisiana Tech . A little way down Interstate 20 we stopped in Grambling for gas . That 's the home of Grambling University . From there we headed to Lake Bistineau to visit friends . They live in a very rural area southeast of Shreveport , LA . Once again our Siri friend got us out in the middle of nowhere and then said she didn 't have specific turns to tell us . We found them finally after travelling some " not much traveled roads " ! ! We had a nice visit with them . Lon got to go for a ride in Johnny 's hotrod ! Here is a view from their front deck . Beautiful setting . It was getting late in the afternoon so we headed to Shreveport and then on to Marshall where we are tonight . At a Hamptons Inn . Nice handicap accessible room . These rooms are nice because they have grab bars in convenient locations especially in the bathroom . Plus the toilet is raised . ( Probably too much information but maybe some useful information for any who have limited mobility ) . Lon was tired tonight . He didn 't get a nap today again so was ready for bed very early . Weather is good . Thought we were going to get some storm today but it missed us fortunately . Seems every day there is weather on the radar that looks threatening . This area has gotten a lot of water recently - water that I am sure California would love to have ! ! Tomorrow we will drive to Dallas by around noon . Then a couple of days rest for Lon . Take care . More news ( or ramblings ) tomorrow . < 3 It 's been a good day today . We checked out of The Goldstrike Hotel this am about 11 and headed to Louisiana . Stopped to fill up the gas tank and headed out per directions from Siri 's counterpart in the car navigation system . She took the shortest route which wasn 't Interstate 55 . A funny side note : just after we left Tunica , I had to put on the brakes kind of quickly . That shifted the suitcase forward . All of a sudden we heard a fan or motor in the back seat and couldn 't figure out what was going on . So when I could finally pull off the road to stop , I found that the suitcase had hit the heater / cooler fan button on the back seat end of the console and turned the fan on high ! ! Didn 't even know there was one there ! ! : - ) The road was good and we saw a lot of beautiful country . I don 't think I have ever seen so many hundreds of acres of row crops . ( some we recognized , others we did not ! ) Also saw a lot of standing water . Had lunch in Cleveland , Mississippi . For Brandon : I think this is John Deere country . . . . . saw several huge dealerships . I even took a picture for you : - ) Soon we were in Arkansas and crossing the Mississippi River . Yes , it was muddy . We heard in Monroe that they have had 15 " of rain in the last 2 weeks . The gardener at one of the hotels was pulling out plants and replacing them . Said they had drowned ! ! This bridge was very interesting in design . It wasn 't long before we were in Louisiana . Arriving directly in Monroe rather than on Interstate 20 farther east like I thought we would . All the motels / hotels in Monroe were full . I wanted to stay in Monroe so I could take pictures of signs , etc . because my kids ' grandpa was born there . We went across another river that separates Monroe from West Monroe thinking we could get a room there . No luck . All rooms were full . Monday , Tuesday , Wednesday are their busy days . Are filled with business people and corporations . There was a quilt shop I wanted to visit and wanted to look up The Duck Commanders ' Warehouse , etc . But we drove farther west to Ruston , LA . We had dinner at The Log Cabin Grill and Market . An interesting place and the food was sooo good . Very large portions . Had to get a " to go " box . Good thing Cricket - our dog - didn 't know we had left overs ! ! That 's her favorite part of us going out to dinner . Lon is doing well . Got some exercise today when he pushed his wheelchair from the room out to the parking lot . Doing leg exercises in the car periodically . He didn 't get a nap today in the car . I don 't think it 's my driving . . . . . . . . . or if he is afraid he might miss something ! ! So he is in bed early tonight . Not sure what our plans are for tomorrow yet except that we will head toward Shreveport , LA . I think there is more threat of bad weather tomorrow evening here so will probably have to drive through some weather tomorrow . Wish it could be like today was . We even saw the sun ! ! I have heard from 2 people that they have tried to comment on these posts but are not able to get them to post . I don 't see any comments posted other than one I posted as a test . I think I have the settings correct for people to comment so if any of you are bloggers and have any suggestions I am open . Would like to be able to see what is written in comments . Take care . Have a good day . Stay tuned ! < 3 Yesterday we left home after Lon 's dr . appt . He got his " bone strengthening shot " and we headed for Tunica . Most of the drive was uneventful . Then we hit Memphis area at rush hour in the middle of a severe thunderstorm . I asked a man at a gas station if there were any warnings . He said yes . A tornado warning . I asked what area . He said all of the area , waving his arms widely ! ! Fortunately most of the traffic was headed the opposite direction of us , but there was still quite a few cars in the middle of the downpours . I think they said there was about 3 " of rain . So we didn 't get into Tunica until late evening . Tired , hungry and ready to sleep . Our original plan was to stay one night but we extended our stay one more night with the threat of more severe weather today if headed south . We will leave here tomorrow am and head for Shreveport , LA . Lon had a nice long nap today so he is rested . We will be in Dallas for Father 's day so Lon can spend that day with his daughter , Natalie . I don 't have any pictures to post except a couple of the nice handicapped bathroom so will refrain from posting them : - ) The view out of our window is the top of the parking garage . We are at the Goldstrike Hotel and Casino . Nice room . I hope you are able to post comments if you choose to . Or you can call or text if can 't post a comment . < 3 Sunday … This is the final day to pack and get ready for a month - long vacation . Most of the " mental " preparations are done . Housekeeping issues like bill paying , prescriptions filled , sewing projects ready etc . are done . I have 4 lists going . . . . . . one for groceries , one " To Take on Trip " , one " To Do Before We Leave " , and one with instructions for house - sitter . It 's all coming together .
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Posted on October 18 , 2012 by Erin | The Other Side of the Road 18 My mother left yesterday , and again I am reminded why living abroad for all its excitement is hard . I am not sure when I will see her next . We had such a whirlwind visit of road trips and I wanted to write this post before autumn gets swallowed up by the holidays and it is the end of the year . We have officially entered what I call " the drift : " the original term of Sascha 's contract is up , and yet we are still in Ireland for various reasons , mostly summed up as it is much easier to stay put until work forces the next relocation . Not that it 's a complaint . When I 'm healthy , I love Ireland . It is an absolutely beautiful place to live and I know we are so lucky . It is complicated to be without a plan , but we have so many opportunities we might never have otherwise . I don 't know if we would have gone to the Killaloe / Ballina area were it not for the family , but I am so glad we did . The area is rich in history , with Killaloe being the birth place of Brian Boru , the last high king . Killaloe and Ballina are villages opposite each other on the River Shannon , which forms a watery border between the counties of Tipperary and Clare . They are connected by a stone bridge , which is over 300 years old . I mostly have iPhone snaps , so the quality isn 't amazing compared to our new camera , but at least you have some idea . The bridge is too narrow to allow two - way traffic so a light at either end regulates the flow . The river here is wider than the Liffey and it empties into Lough Derg , the biggest lake in the Republic of Ireland . Rimming the lake are the Slieve Bernagh Mountains ( Co . Clare ) and the Arra Mountains ( Co . Tipperary ) . We passed under the bridge on the boat tour . It being off - season , we were the only people on board , so James let the boys ( and me ) drive the boat . G really grabbed the wheel and enthusiastically turned it back and forth , so the boat fishtailed a bit . I actually got a bit nervous that while the captain took our photo G would run us aground . We met Michael , his sister Nellie , and his wife , Nancy , at our hotel on our first night and then we made a plan to visit them at the farm the following day . My mother had not seen Michael and Nancy since the 70s , when they visited the U . S . before I was born . She remembers having them over for a barbecue but they didn 't want to eat corn on the cob . They called it " horse food . " Apparently , after I went back to the room to put the boys to bed , my mom got excited about the potential for a secret smoke . Michael invited her out for a smoke , but she was disappointed to discover it was a pipe , not cigarettes . " Well , I 'd 've given you a pull or two , " he said . Because the farm is not on the GPS , we were to meet Michael at a place called " The Lookout . " Around this vast lake , you might imagine there are many lookouts , and we spent some time driving on the wrong side of the lake before I figured it out . We did enjoy the unplanned tour of the Clare County side of Lough Derg and were grateful for Michael 's patience . Michael took us down to the graveyard where his grandfather and father are buried . Over the years , it had been neglected and he and some other volunteers did a lot of work to restore the grounds and they even won awards for it . It is a beautiful and peaceful place , resting at the bottom of a graceful green slope to the shores of the lake . After walking the wet grounds of the graveyard , everyone 's feet were soaked . At the house they had a fire going in the sitting room and we were happy to take our shoes off . Out in the country , Nancy says , it seems like things never really dry . Posted on August 4 , 2012 by Erin | The Other Side of the Road 13 Today began our planned holiday , so of course that means we found ourselves running to an emergency vet appointment , and Sascha sitting on top of our toy car trying to get the lid of the luggage carrier to close . ( Sashi is fine , but she had an infected cut , possibly from a rumble with a lane cat . Also , to those of you who think my cat is a bitch , the vet said " there 's something royal about her . " So there . She can 't help being superior . ) We are in the " sunniest corner " of Ireland and it was beautiful when we finally arrived . Here 's to summer vacations ( with no wi - fi ) . What are your plans ? Posted on August 3 , 2012 by Erin | The Other Side of the Road 12 With twin toddlers , planning is usually the way to go . But the risk is that it can be too easy to plan ourselves right out of something . When we have time to stop and think about it , why on earth would we go anywhere ? That 's pretty much what happened with us going to London . When the idea first surfaced , the logistics seemed too daunting and exhausting to squeeze in two weeks before . But with less than 24 hours of preparation time , some whim overtook us and we decided to just go . We didn 't want to pass up the opportunity to see some family and friends that were going to be there . Last minute plans were quickly arranged . We rented a flat that would have two pack ' n plays . Booked tickets . Cat sitter arranged . Messages left and emails sent . So when we got off the plane in London and it was not raining , I was hugely relieved . It was also about ten degrees warmer . Athletes were already arriving ; we could see them weaving through the airport traffic in their brightly colored team uniforms like ribbons . Good thing now that the boys are 2 . 5 years old , we 've also had some endurance training . C watched the amazing drummer , Will Calhoun , and said , " I want to do that . " ( Will gave them signed drumsticks , that , you guessed it , we 've since taken away until they have an actual drum to hit . ) Sascha was thrilled to see Oumou Sangare again , after working with her on " Throw Down Your Heart " years ago . Much , much later we were able to get to the theater to see the last twenty minutes of Oumou and Bela 's fantastic show . The entire audience was out of their seats , spilling into the aisles , and dancing . The very first time I came to Europe , I came through London . I was twenty years old and had an enormous backpack strapped to me like a tortoise shell . I met C and V in Paddington Station as we waited for our train bound for the same study abroad program . I remember the countryside rising in green hills that filled the train windows , and the feeling that the wide world was opening up , the world of places I had only read about . When the boys yelled " Ben ! " as if greeting an old friend when they spotted the famous clock tower , I hope on some level , they have that feeling , too . The world of the " London Taxi " book was coming to life for them , so vividly that when we had to take a van to fit the four of us , our luggage , and the double stroller , they were pissed : " It not a London taxi , " they sniffed . We enjoyed it until the sky suddenly grew dark and a wind started tossing the trees . I knew the wind meant business . We did not have a good , nearby indoor plan for our four kids . Instead we spent a very long time under a canopy of trees on Birdcage Walk , hoping it would pass soon . By the time we arrived at the museum , it was well past dinner and the kids were starting to lose it . We ate over - priced , mediocre museum cafe food and did not look at a single painting . I recommend the museums in London highly , just not as destination dining . Saturday we hit the Jubilee Gardens and we went back down to the Southbank , which had a Festival of the World going on . We had brunch with old family friends of Sascha 's , Camille and Schuyla . It was sunny and we were ecstatic . The boys were not interested in the London Eye , so we took a river cruise down to the Tower of London . Boat rides , we learned one rainy day in Paris , are a godsend . We can sight see , sit down , and keep the boys interested all at once . In the late afternoon , we met another friend in Holland Park , where we found a peacock literally strutting for peanuts . Another mom was kind enough to share some with the boys so they could feed it . I don 't think I 've ever seen a peacock that close . Finally , we hopped into a taxi ( yes , a London taxi ) to meet our California friends . By happy coincidence , they were vacationing in London with their children . We had not seen each other since the boys were just a few weeks old . The Eagle was a great little pub with a huge enclosed back garden , and kids were running all over . It was the first time we were able to sit back and enjoy a pint and sort of have an adult conversation , as our boys ran off with their kids and played . Unintentionally , this also became a trip to celebrate our fifth wedding anniversary . In the preceding week , we had both pretty much forgotten our approaching anniversary . In a fit of optimism ( and remembrance ) , we made reservations at Galvin La Chapelle , a very fancy London restaurant , for Saturday night . But after being out with the kids all day ( following some brutally early morning wake - ups ) , I had already eaten a burger at 6pm . We didn 't get to our 9 : 15pm reservation until about 10pm . We declined starters , ate our entrees , and then discussed how delicious it would be to just go home . Sleep was better than Michelin - rated desserts , at least at that moment . The waitress was worried , in a restaurant with Cuban cigars for after dinner and a gourmand tasting menu : Was everything alright ? But that is five years of marriage and almost eleven years of being together : just as happy to get the check , duck into a taxi , and collapse into bed . Sunday we made it over to Notting Hill , where a friend let us drop off our bags and then we walked together through the beautiful neighborhood to Hyde Park . It was actually hot outside . I think somewhere in high 70s , maybe even 80s . The Princess Diana Memorial Playground is as good as everyone says , and now I understand why there can be a huge queue . Again we were lucky : we got there before there was a wait . I think we only saw a small portion of it ( and had yummy There was a massive sandpit area with a beached pirate ship . The adventure playgrounds in Dublin are amazing , but for some reason I have yet to find a playground in Ireland with a sandpit . There is nothing my sons enjoy more than digging in sand . After visiting the Hill of Tara , we traveled closer to the River Boyne , which was an important prehistoric trade route and whose valley was ( and still is ) rich with abundant farmland . Horses grazed on its banks ; the Irish honey I … Continue reading → I have shin splints from the two mornings I did Jennifer 's 6 - mile walk with her in Winston - Salem . We got a lot of good talking in over 12 miles and it helped clear my head of the jet lag . This is the first major exercise I 've had besides the hike last Friday with Bela & Abby . When I get back , I need to prioritize exercise somehow . Also , last night was the first night the jet lag was starting to go away , which is really great , considering I go back tomorrow night . I spent a long time catching up with Ron on Wed . I 'm not sure when I 'll get to see him again . We worked out that the last time we saw each other was the book release party in NYC in March 2009 . Since Dublin has an Innocence Project , I want to see if I can get them over for a speaking engagement . I really want the boys to meet him . Sascha is doing wonderfully , all things considered . Two work days for him were pretty much vanquished by flash fevers : first G , then yesterday C . Today Sascha took C to the doctor and he has bad tonsillitis . Murphy 's Law , or something : he was the sickest he had ever been last summer with roseola when Sascha was out of the country . Hopefully , the antibiotics will do their work soon . C was thrilled to see me on Skype Monday , but today he turned away . I expect a bit of attitude when I get back . G has been acting out . Today he is at daycare by himself , and apparently doing well . Maybe some time apart from each other is good ? It was good for me . I compartmentalized . I spoke to adults and had clean clothes on at all times . According to this article , if I could work part - time consistently , I 'd be happier and healthier . Then again , most part - time working moms I know don 't have the consistency , especially if you had any non - traditional career path . Like me , they have sudden work opportunities that send them frantically searching for childcare , a way that laundry might do itself ( if you leave it long enough , maybe the organisms thriving in it would get up and start walking around ? ) , and figuring out logistics with a military - like precision . It also requires a very understanding spouse . Welcome to 2007 , right ? Bear with me . One day , I will learn CSS . Until then , I will swear under my breath and generally feel like my Gram trying to figure out the ATM . I was never particularly excited about living in public . I was a late , late adopter of Facebook and in all honesty , still don 't love it . Blogging always felt like leaving your journal out for anyone to read , which seemed mad to me . Why would anyone do that ? My thoughts are already quite loud , as my husband tells me , when I stare into the darkness beside him at night . So why would I invite anyone in to watch my mental gymnastics ? And why would anyone care ? We keep moving , and with the two wonder boys I had in January 2010 , I am a terrible keeper - in - toucher . Emails that require more than a simple response slide far , far down in my inbox , because I hope that one day , I will have time to sit down and compose a proper reply to far - flung friends . I recognize now that this is the same deluded optimism that makes parenting so hard . I keep expecting or hoping for something different than what actually is ( e . g . , my children will not suffer from the terrible twos because I have sleep - trained them ; or , my children will love vegetables when they get to table foods because I pureed all their first foods from organic sources myself and froze them in BPA - free containers ) . This delusion has also carried over into my desire for a stable home , as in whenever we visit a place , I look at the real estate ads and declare , " We could totally live here ! " In fact , we even bought two houses in our gap year in a quaint Connecticut seaside town and essentially returned them . But you out there , reading this , know how much you have meant to us on our switchbacking ( L . A . - NYC - L . A . - NYC - L . A . - CT ) journey . We could not have guessed that our next leap would be out of the country , and farther away from all of you who have helped us feel at home where ever we were . I can only hope this blog helps us keep in touch , and doesn 't mortify me or my children in a few years .
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Welcome to my blog ! I talk about things I read or make . Primarily , I quilt and sew . But I 'd like to build some things , too . Thanks for visiting ! Why don 't you take a moment and introduce yourself via the comments ? I 'd love to hear about what brought you here . Welcome back ! It 's good to see you again . If you haven 't done so already , don 't forget to subscribe to my feed or updates by email to keep up to date on what 's happening on this site . Thanks ! 1In those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world . 2 ( This was the first census that took place while Quirinius was governor of Syria . ) 3And everyone went to his own town to register . 4So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea , to Bethlehem the town of David , because he belonged to the house and line of David . 5He went there to register with Mary , who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child . 6While they were there , the time came for the baby to be born , 7and she gave birth to her firstborn , a son . She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger , because there was no room for them in the inn . 8And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby , keeping watch over their flocks at night . 9An angel of the Lord appeared to them , and the glory of the Lord shone around them , and they were terrified . 10But the angel said to them , " Do not be afraid . I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people . 11Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you ; he is Christ [ a ] the Lord . 12This will be a sign to you : You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger . " 16So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph , and the baby , who was lying in the manger . 17When they had seen him , they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child , 18and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them . 19But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart . 20The shepherds returned , glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen , which were just as they had been told Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus : Who , being in very nature God , did not consider equality with God something to be grasped , but made himself nothing , taking the very nature of a servant , being made in human likeness . And being found in appearance as a man , he humbled himself and became obedient to death - even death on a cross ! Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name , that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow , in heaven and on earth and under the earth , and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord , to the glory of God the Father . Through him all things were made ; without him nothing was made that has been made . In him was life , and that life was the light of men . 5The light shines in the darkness , but the darkness has not understood it . When they saw the star , they were overjoyed . On coming to the house , they saw the child with his mother Mary , and they bowed down and worshiped him . Then they opened their treasures and presented him with gifts of gold and of incense and of myrrh . And having been warned in a dream not to go back to Herod , they returned to their country by another route . Luke 2 : 26 - 38 It had been revealed to him by the Holy Spirit that he would not die before he had seen the Lord 's Christ . Moved by the Spirit , he went into the temple courts . When the parents brought in the child Jesus to do for him what the custom of the Law required , Simeon took him in his arms and praised God , saying : " Sovereign Lord , as you have promised , you now dismiss your servant in peace . For my eyes have seen your salvation , which you have prepared in the sight of all people , a light for revelation to the Gentiles and for glory to your people Israel . " The child 's father and mother marveled at what was said about him . Then Simeon blessed them and said to Mary , his mother : " This child is destined to cause the falling and rising of many in Israel , and to be a sign that will be spoken against , so that the thoughts of many hearts will be revealed . And a sword will pierce your own soul too . " There was also a prophetess , Anna , the daughter of Phanuel , of the tribe of Asher . She was very old ; she had lived with her husband seven years after her marriage , and then was a widow until she was eighty - four . She never left the temple but worshiped night and day , fasting and praying . Coming up to them at that very moment , she gave thanks to God and spoke about the child to all who were looking forward to the redemption of Jerusalem . Luke 2 : 25 - 35 Now there was a man in Jerusalem called Simeon , who was righteous and devout . He was waiting for the consolation of Israel , and the Holy Spirit was upon him . It had been revealed to him by the Holy Spirit that he would not die before he had seen the Lord 's Christ . Moved by the Spirit , he went into the temple courts . When the parents brought in the child Jesus to do for him what the custom of the Law required , Simeon took him in his arms and praised God , saying : " Sovereign Lord , as you have promised , you now dismiss your servant in peace . For my eyes have seen your salvation , which you have prepared in the sight of all people , a light for revelation to the Gentiles and for glory to your people Israel . " The child 's father and mother marveled at what was said about him . Then Simeon blessed them and said to Mary , his mother : " This child is destined to cause the falling and rising of many in Israel , and to be a sign that will be spoken against , so that the thoughts of many hearts will be revealed . And a sword will pierce your own soul too . " When King Herod heard this he was disturbed , and all Jerusalem with him . When he had called together all the people 's chief priests and teachers of the law , he asked them where the Christ was to be born . " In Bethlehem in Judea , " they replied , " for this is what the prophet has written : " ' But you , Bethlehem , in the land of Judah , are by no means least among the rulers of Judah ; for out of you will come a ruler who will be the shepherd of my people Israel . ' " Then Herod called the Magi secretly and found out from them the exact time the star had appeared . He sent them to Bethlehem and said , " Go and make a careful search for the child . As soon as you find him , report to me , so that I too may go and worship him . " So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph , and the baby , who was lying in the manger . When they had seen him , they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child , and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them . But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart . The shepherds returned , glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen , which were just as they had been told . And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby , keeping watch over their flocks at night . An angel of the Lord appeared to them , and the glory of the Lord shone around them , and they were terrified . But the angel said to them , " Do not be afraid . I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people . Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you ; he is Christ [ a ] the Lord . This will be a sign to you : You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger . " In those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world . ( This was the first census that took place while Quirinius was governor of Syria . ) And everyone went to his own town to register . There came a man who was sent from God ; his name was John . He came as a witness to testify concerning that light , so that through him all men might believe . He himself was not the light ; he came only as a witness to the light . The true light that gives light to every man was coming into the world . The neighbors were all filled with awe , and throughout the hill country of Judea people were talking about all these things . Everyone who heard this wondered about it , asking , " What then is this child going to be ? " For the Lord 's hand was with him . His father Zechariah was filled with the Holy Spirit and prophesied : " Praise be to the Lord , the God of Israel , because he has come and has redeemed his people . He has raised up a horn [ a ] of salvation for us in the house of his servant David ( as he said through his holy prophets of long ago ) , salvation from our enemies and from the hand of all who hate us - to show mercy to our fathers and to remember his holy covenant , the oath he swore to our father Abraham : to rescue us from the hand of our enemies , and to enable us to serve him without fear in holiness and righteousness before him all our days . And you , my child , will be called a prophet of the Most High ; for you will go on before the Lord to prepare the way for him , to give his people the knowledge of salvation through the forgiveness of their sins , because of the tender mercy of our God , by which the rising sun will come to us from heaven to shine on those living in darkness and in the shadow of death , to guide our feet into the path of peace . " Then they made signs to his father , to find out what he would like to name the child . He asked for a writing tablet , and to everyone 's astonishment he wrote , " His name is John . " Immediately his mouth was opened and his tongue was loosed , and he began to speak , praising God . The neighbors were all filled with awe , and throughout the hill country of Judea people were talking about all these things . Everyone who heard this wondered about it , asking , " What then is this child going to be ? " For the Lord 's hand was with him . We wanted to make these candies . But I didn 't have a candy thermometer , so I don 't know if I got the syrup hot enough . And even though the directions told me what size pan to use , I decided that a cookie sheet would be better . Now I 'm going to have something too thin . The kids were also disappointed to know that they 'd have to wait until tomorrow to try them out . When Joseph woke up , he did what the angel of the Lord had commanded him and took Mary home as his wife . But he had no union with her until she gave birth to a son . And he gave him the name Jesus . At that time Mary got ready and hurried to a town in the hill country of Judea , where she entered Zechariah 's home and greeted Elizabeth . When Elizabeth heard Mary 's greeting , the baby leaped in her womb , and Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit . In a loud voice she exclaimed : " Blessed are you among women , and blessed is the child you will bear ! But why am I so favored , that the mother of my Lord should come to me ? As soon as the sound of your greeting reached my ears , the baby in my womb leaped for joy . Blessed is she who has believed that what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished ! " And Mary said : " My soul glorifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior , for he has been mindful of the humble state of his servant . From now on all generations will call me blessed , for the Mighty One has done great things for me - holy is his name . His mercy extends to those who fear him , from generation to generation . He has performed mighty deeds with his arm ; he has scattered those who are proud in their inmost thoughts . He has brought down rulers from their thrones but has lifted up the humble . He has filled the hungry with good things but has sent the rich away empty . He has helped his servant Israel , remembering to be merciful to Abraham and his descendants forever , even as he said to our fathers . " In the sixth month , God sent the angel Gabriel to Nazareth , a town in Galilee , to a virgin pledged to be married to a man named Joseph , a descendant of David . The virgin 's name was Mary . The angel went to her and said , " Greetings , you who are highly favored ! The Lord is with you . " Mary was greatly troubled at his words and wondered what kind of greeting this might be . But the angel said to her , " Do not be afraid , Mary , you have found favor with God . You will be with child and give birth to a son , and you are to give him the name Jesus . He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High . The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David , and he will reign over the house of Jacob forever ; his kingdom will never end . " The angel answered , " The Holy Spirit will come upon you , and the power of the Most High will overshadow you . So the holy one to be born will be called the Son of God . Even Elizabeth your relative is going to have a child in her old age , and she who was said to be barren is in her sixth month . For nothing is impossible with God . " I tried having the kids cut out ball shapes and gluing on pictures and sequins . I think I 'll have to reinforce since we used construction paper . We still need to punch holes and add ribbon . For years , I have planned to have an advent calendar . As a quilter , I have looked at several patterns for a quilt . I have a list that I intend to try . But I always manage to look up mid - November and realize that I forgot again this year . I really want to give it a try , so I 'm giving up the quilt obsession this year and going for something ( hopefully ) simpler . I 've been inspired by ideas here , here , and here . In addition to activities , I 'll include daily Biblical readings . I 'm still trying to decide if I 'm going for the daily candy . I started on another fabric quiet book . I wish I had thought to take pictures along the way so that I could make a tutorial . Maybe next time . I used a fat quarter to create the pages . I fold it like it 's paper to that I don 't have to do a lot of cutting and hoping that I get pages the right size . During Scrap Buster Month Sew , Mama , Sew posted some tutorials that I wanted to try , so this was my excuse . I made the butterfly by following these instructions . The idea for the flowers came from here . And I found the pinwheel instructions here . I wanted my pinwheel to move , so I followed instructions from this book . Obviously , the edges still need to be finished off , but I 'll do that after I 've completed all of the pages . There are two more page spreads , so maybe I can finish one about every other week or so . I 'll keep you posted . While the book doesn 't encourage marathon sessions , I had meat that I wanted to do something with before freezing . Following the recipe as written means getting three packages of the same item . Due to the size of my family , I would get two packages of the same thing . I chose to half the recipes that I used so that I could try more . The result is that I ended up with six different entrees in an hour and a half . I think that 's pretty awesome . All I will have to do is take an entree out of the freezer the night before and throw it in the oven when I get home ( or put it in the crock post as I leave in the morning ) . By the time I check homework and make sides , dinner should practically be done . This book is full of recipes that sound interesting , and it contains tips for easing your way into the process . I don 't currently have a membership in a warehouse club because I tended to allow things to go to waste . But these recipes sounded good enough to make me reconsider . The book is divided into sections for Chicken , Beef Pork , Meatless , Sauces , and Breakfasts . Recipes are geared towards the purchase of a large tray of meat at a warehouse club from which 3 meals are assembled . Since ingredients are mixed together and distributed among 3 freezer bags , you get three of the same meals . You could either serve the same meals 3 times that month or over three months . I like that several recipes have similar ingredients so that I can utilize bulk ingredients without a lot of leftovers . For my family size , I would likely divide between two bags . For recipes that I want to test on my kids , I think I might divide in half and make one recipe the first time . I think I 'll start with a couple of recipes and see what I think . Since I don 't have a club membership , I 'll go with what 's on sale at my grocery store and work from there . For some reason , our little Z has taken to removing her shoes and sock , and placing said sock on her hand while saying something that sounds like " Elmo ! " We think she 's trying to use her sock as a puppet , but we aren 't sure . So I had to make her one . I used a simple pattern that I found here . I decided to upcycle a pair of jeans from another daughter . I really liked those butterflies , so I 'm glad to still have them around . I guess that we will call her Lydia since the butterflies go down her back like tattoos . I should have pinned before I sewed because there are some places where I missed stitches . The denim was a bit bulky , so her hands aren 't as rounded as I would have liked . I tried embroidering her facial features . I chose a hot pink since it matched the butterflies , but the contrast isn 't what I had hoped for . I 'll have to think about how to go in and use other colors to add more contrast . Maybe a dark purple . I 've gone and critiqued myself until my project seems a total mess . I guess it turned out alright for a quick project . We 'll have to wait and see if Ms . Z likes it . I 've been so busy that I haven 't had a moment for myself . I stole a free moment and allowed myself to be creative . I made these pants for my little Z . I decided to repurpose some pants that I wasn 't going to wear anymore . I would attempt to create a a tutorial , but I followed instructions from here and here . In general , I just took a pair of her pajamas and traced out a pattern . I placed that pattern on the legs of my old pants lining up the hems so that they would already be done . I sewed the inseams and crotch seam and the waist . The material in these pants is a combination of cotton and spandex , so she was able to wear them before I even added spandex . They are a bit long , but she 'll be able to wear them for a while if I cuff them for now . This post is cross - posted here and on my book blog . Please visit ! I created this blog hoping to exercise my craftiness . Somehow my true favorite took over , and it 's starting to morph into a book blog ! I can 't complain because I 've been rewarded for what I love . Thanks to Color Online , I received this great book . I can 't begin to express how much I LOVE this book . And I neglected to mention that MotherReader awarded me this beautiful book . In fact I received it from the author herself . I guess that I better get busy reading and writing reviews . I have been in transition from working full time to returning to graduate school full time . I 'm excited about the change , but a bit nervous about making it all work . I hope to get back to blogging , but I 'll have to figure out what that schedule will look like . Let 's get this academic year started ! I never intended for this to be a book blog , but I love books - I almost wish that I had become a librarian . The books I 've reviewed so far have been how to books because I intended this to be a book about things I make . I just stumbled upon the Color Me Brown book challenge , and it called my name . As a mother of four beautiful daughters , I want them to develop a love of reading . I also want to instill positive self images . So this particular challenge has personal value for me . I 'm not yet sure which books I 'll be reviewing in August , but I 'm looking forward to whatever they will be . 1 . the playhouse , 2 . playhouse - sleepover , 3 . playhouse , 4 . Dreaming Spires Willow Playhouse from Judith Needham www . willowplayhouses . co . uk , 5 . This is my playhouse , 6 . Unique , 7 . Crooked Man 's House , 8 . Dream Playhouse , 9 . DSC01076 . JPG I have dreamed of building a playhouse since the birth of my first child many years ago . At the time it was to be a tree house , but the tree has since fallen . Over the years I have drawn many different plans and bought and read several books on the subject . While I was supposed to be working on other things today , I found myself on Flickr where I happened upon these great images . I would love to do a tour of the interiors of these houses . I 've never tried a mosaic , so I picked my favorites and gave it a try . I 've been trying to determine if there is a theme to what I was drawn to . It looks as though they are all unusual or have a natural quality to them . They seem to vibe with my no frills , earthy nature . I realize that I prefer not to have a Victorian or cookie cutter kit type house . I have little to no carpentry skills , so what I build will involve a lot of guessing . I want to use as many found or recycled objects as I can . I 've already bought a door and a couple of screens from the Habitat Restore . This playhouse is on my bucket list , and I am determined to get it done this year . It won 't be as cool as these , but I will be proud of myself , and I am sure that my children will be thrilled . Even the oldest , who is probably technically too old . Which makes me wonder are you ever too old for a playhouse ? I know that I 've seen trends in fully functional tree houses that are being used as home offices . I 'm not into that , though . I want to design it to catch breezes and capture sunlight . I want it to be a kid 's place to play and not a tricked out ( wo ) man cave . Living in Texas , I will probably have to utilize a fan though . Maybe I can learn about solar power in the process . If so , I might also put in solar lighting so that we could do slumber parties like the one in the mosaic . Is it obvious tat This was relatively easy to do . But I wanted experiment with polls form other sources . So a search led me to Vizu . com where I created this poll . After participating in recent challenges , I find myself constantly asking how I can make this blog look better . I know that I really should be focusing on adding more content that people care about . But since I 'm still in infancy phase , I use this more as a diversion and motivator than as a traffic builder . So I 've been nagging myself to go back and finish the things that I didn 't get to in the Bloggiesta . Namely , I want tomake the related post widget workfigure out why my favicon doesn 't show upget the widget working that 's supposed to recognize first time visitorscreate a 404 page ( I just think this is cool ) andplay with image placement some moreI 've already changed my background again , so maybe you 'll notice other changes soon . Hammocks , Hassocks and Hideaways : Furniture Kids Can Build For Themselves ( 1980 ) by Timothy Fisher 0201029367 170 pagesSummary : As the title states , this is a book of furniture projects described at a level intended to encourage kids to DIY . Review : The first section of this book out lines tools and materials that will be used to complete the projects . The next section explains projects that sit on the floor - primarily chairs . The section on " in the air " furniture provides guidance on projects that are swing and hammock in nature . The next section is about boxes and tables that can be folded flat . There is a section on outdoor furniture that utilizes interesting materials . There is a small section on storage and a section with ideas for various room dividers . The final section focuses mainly on lamps . Recommendation : The projects in this book are simple and utilize simple materials . While I might want to modify them a bit if I were making these items for my kids ' rooms , I would follow them as is for a playhouse . With simple directions , it will come in handy in my first attempts and furnishing a play space for my children . Creating & Crafting Dolls ( 1994 ) by Eloise Piper 0801985242128 pagesSummary : This book gives a pattern and steps for making a doll with suggestions for varying the appearance . Review : This well written book gives a relatively simple pattern for a doll . Each chapter gives information on how to add to the details of the doll . For each detail , instructions are given on how to stay simple or how to add more complexity to the project . For example , when adding facial features , one could draw them on , use embroidery , or applique features . Instruction is given for clothing dolls from applique to actual outfits . Recommendation : I would definitely recommend this book for beginners to intermediate doll makers who are looking to make a simply doll and perhaps spice it up a bit . Housebuilding for Children ( 1977 ) by Les Walker 0879513322175 pagesSummary This book gives details that guide children through the process of building small - scale structures using large - scale techniques and principles . Review I bought this book several years ago with the intention of saving money and building my own playhouse for my daughter . I chose this particular book because it is aimed at children . It is written to allow a child to increase her skill sets under adult supervision . The edition I have is older , so no power tools are mentioned . A group of kids could conceivably follow the given directions and complete one of several different structure types . They might also learn about different building techniques along the way . Recommendation I would recommend this book to a young person with a budding interest in architecture or construction . I would also recommend it to the adult novice in woodworking who would be interested in building something for children . Fleecie Dolls ( 2008 ) by Fiona Gamble 0896897346 , 112 pagesSummary : This book gives detailed descriptions and patterns for making dolls from fleece . Review : I happened upon this book at a fabric store during a time when I was just becoming interested in doll making . I was just learning about how to do hair , and I was fascinated that hair could be done so easily with fleece . This book has patterns for dolls of different sizes . It includes patterns for clothing as well . It has a range of challenge levels for doll details . I 've already planned to make several of the dolls and have ordered my projects by perceived difficulty level . Recommendation : I would recommend this book to doll makers at the beginning to intermediate levels . I 've read about it , wondered about it , and have now started it . I 'm on the bandwagon and , thanks to a good friend , started my first batch . I had never tried it , and had no idea what it tasted like . Kind of silly in retrospect ! But I was looking forward to testing the rumored health benefits . Well , it ended up being really sour to my taste . I tried to improve it by adding juice . I 'm not sure that it helped . My batch was big enough to produce these jars plus a starter for my next batch and another starter that I 've stored in the fridge . I started my second batch with twice as much sugar and the intention of brewing for a shorter amount of time . I 'll keep you posted on how it turns out . As seems to be the trend in many places on the blogosphere , I have discovered the joy of thrifting . What I 've learned about myself is that I like vintage . I have to admit that I have secretly loved visiting Goodwill for a while . But I thought I was just cheap , and I would hide my rare tags and bags from my husband . But after discovering the Thrifty Chicks and the Frugal Fashionista , I 've started to shop with my head up . Recently , I seem to have developed an obsession with jars and storage containers . I 'm sure it 's a result of participating in the kitchen cure and seeing these images of jars as storage . And this week I scored these vintage Tupperware containers . Although I don 't recall seeing these specific containers in my childhood , they made me think of some containers my grandmother had . Set of 4 Vintage Tupperware Servalier Bowls , originally uploaded by vintagegoodness . And this lead me to ebay where I discovered toys that I had as a child but had completely forgotten about . What great memories . ( I 'll let you know if I win my bid ! ) Vintage Tupperware Shape - O - Ball Baby Puzzle Toy , originally uploaded by vintagegoodness . I 'm still trying to categorize what I don 't mind getting second hand . I have an obsession with chairs , so I 've picked up a few of those . One day I 'll get around to attempting reupholstering them . I 've grabbed some drinking glasses and a couple of blazers . I 've been on the lookout for a dresser for my kids ' room , and I find that I gravitate towards antique styles . I 'm currently loving old school storage containers and serving dishes . When it comes to furniture , my more favorite second - hand option is Craigslist , but I 'll save that for another post . Here is my initial to do list along with what I actually accomplished . Write some book reviews . There are some kids fiction books with quilting as a theme that my kids and I have enjoyed . I didn 't get around to getting this done . I did set up some template posts that are ready for me to fill in with the reviews . Write backup posts for a rainy day . I only got one of these done . Write that great post idea from three months back . It was great to me . We 'll see what you think . Create template posts for your future reads ( ie : title , images , linking , tags , etc , ) so you can open up , write review and post without being bogged down with technicalities . I did some of these for future book reviews and for a landing page . Learn what a favicon is and maybe add one . I learned about this from Trish . Turns out I had looked at this a while back , but I didn 't remember what it was called . This ate about 45 minutes of my time since the most talked about hosting site was down for maintenance when I tried to do mine . I went in search of other sites , but never found what I liked . Install those plugins that you 've been meaning to do . I decided that I want a related posts widget on my block . I spent about 45 minutes researching and trying out code , but couldn 't get any of them to work . Create landing pages ( for example - an about me for Twitter readers page ) or any other pages you might have . I 've made a template for a landing page for the distant day when I get a big hit from a referring page . I spent way too much time on it for the simple results that I settled on . But I got great information from these two posts at Problogger . Go get a gravatar . I have to learn what this is , too This took me about 20 minutes . I 'm not yet sure where I will use it since blogger already using this image for me . Learned this from Trish , too . Work on any specialized projects that you may have going . Think I 'm going to turn this into a series post . I know what series of posts I plan to do , but I didn 't to work on them . I also used website grader to run a report on pat I 've decided to participate in Maw Books Bloggiesta , " a blogging marathon with a fiesta flair . " Based on her suggestions , here is my initial to do list for this weekend . Write some book reviews . There are some kids fiction books with quilting as a theme that my kids and I have enjoyed . Write backup posts for a rainy day . Write that great post idea from three months back . It was great to me . We 'll see what you think . Create template posts for your future reads ( ie : title , images , linking , tags , etc , ) so you can open up , write review and post without being bogged down with technicalities Learn what a favicon is and maybe add oneinstall those plugins that you 've been meaning to do . I want to try that related posts plugin create landing pages ( for example - an about me for Twitter readers page ) or any other pages you might have . Go get a gravatar . I have to learn what this is , tooWork on any specialized projects that you may have going . Think I 'm going to turn this into a series post . This list is looking long for 48 hours . We 'll see what I get done and how long it takes . In my previous post , I shared the things I learned from making my first fabric book . This post continues those observations . My biggest issue is with the pages themselves . I found lots of sources for creating this type of book ( like here and here ) . Since I wasn 't in the mood to bind multiple pages , I treated my fat quarter like a single sheet of paper and created a foldable book , an idea I got from the book Cover To Cover . Unfortunately , my measurements were apparently off a bit because some of my pages are wider than others . This made it difficult to bind my book in the manner I had planned . In spite of all the faults I 've named , there are some things I do like - besides the fact that I actually finished a project . I like the photos , but I 'm afraid that they won 't last . I went quickly and a couple seem to be peeling a little . Since I suspect I 'll need to wash this book at some point , we 'll have to wait and see how this turns out . I like these bullion flowers that I learned to make here . I know that I will be including this in more things that I make in the future . And I liked finishing the covers with ribbon that I 've had a long time trying to find just the right project . Overall , I enjoyed this project and am pleased with the results . I 'll continue striving to make it better .
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We made it ! After a few brief delays ( and a couple of shoes lost along the way ) we 've completed our journey across the pond and traveled by bus to Derry ! We arrived about a half hour ago , are getting settled into our rooms , having a bite to eat and a bit of free time before being officially welcomed by the local leadership team . Later this evening , we 'll eat dinner in the food court at Foyleside Mall and have a team mixer at a local coffee shop . All is well ! Thanks for all your prayers . After a bit of a delay , we 've arrived in Chicago and are attempting to make a tight connection on to Dublin ! ( EDITED : With an additional delay in Chicago , the connection didn 't turn out to be as tight as we anticipated ! But , we 're boarding now . . . ) Today is our travel day ! Many have waited anxiously for this day to come for a long time ! We left Lincoln this morning about 9am and traveled by bus to Kansas City . We made it , we 've gotten our tickets and are processing through security now , about to embark on our first flight ! Pictures , up to this point , can be found HERE ! - A DL told us about how her students had prayed together the first and second nights of camp for one of the students dad . He was a semi - professional baseball player and had a sore arm . The DL talked with the father this morning and he couldn 't believe that they had been praying for him , because he woke up this morning without pain in his arm for the first time in years . - The DYD hid as part of a camp wide hide and seek game where the students try to find certain leaders . He hid in a tree and several groups came nearby but didn 't see him , though he was in plain view . Finally , a student found him from the Kings team . He had been wandering away from his dorm room , after his leader told them to go a different direction . He was disobeying his dorm leader , but found the DYD and won the game . - A student came that was highly allergic to many foods . They prayed for her the first night , and she 's been eating all of the meals and many of the snack food from the rec center without any problems . - A student leader , working at the camp , thanked God that she lived close enough to come and work at each camp . Posted by - Our camp director and her family were recently evacuated from a flood zone near Bellevue , NE . A young student was praying and asking God to help him draw a picture for somebody in need . He drew a picture of an eagle flying above a storm , protected and safe . He gave the picture to our camp director , saying that God told him to . - A young camper had been new to his church in the past two months . He brought his new testament to prayer and was reading John 14 . He told his dorm leader how he missed his mom , but his dorm leader showed in the Bible chapter how God had a big house , with plenty of room for him . He didn 't miss his mom so much because he knew that at camp he was living in God 's house ! - A dorm leader had a bunch of boys putting on cologne before coming to service , wanting to smell nice . One young boy didn 't have any , so using whatever he could find that his mother packed in his bag , he put on some bug spray and went on his way with the group . - A young girl is a camp , and her grandmother is home and struggling for her life . The doctors have said she is very close to eternity and the young camper was struggling with it . In prayer time , God gave her a vision of how awesome heaven is going to be . She came to her children 's pastor and told her she wasn 't so worried about her grandmother anymore because she was going to such an incredible place . - A lady , in prayer , began to feel slight pains in her back and knees , though not struggling with pain in those areas before . She realized that maybe God was encouraging her to pray for people with those physical ailments . She told our pre service prayer leader , and they had us all pray for healing in those areas for those needing it . A Dorm leader testified in our leaders meeting today that God had touched him and taken the pain away in his knee . Derry , Northern Ireland : Birthed in the mind of God . Built by the man of God . From 1969 to 1998 , 3466 people died in " The Troubles . " The Troubles may be over , but their legacy remains . From 1999 to 2009 , suicide increased in Northern Ireland by 64 % . This is the place that 50 students and leaders from across Nebraska have been called to serve on a missions trip this summer . Looking back , this is a place of brokenness . Looking forward , this is a place of renewed hope . Native American Indian Chief Oren Lyons once said , " We do not inherit the earth from our ancestors , we borrow it from our children . " Often , we spend our time looking at the past , dwelling on what happened rather than looking forward to what is to come . You can 't more forward while facing backwards . When you turn your head , you turn your torso . When you turn your torso , you change your direction . We 're looking forward to what God has in store for Derry , and what God has in store for our team , and how we might partner with the local church ( Cornerstone City Church ) to bring renewed hope to their city . My name is Tim Lillard ( youth pastor , Norfolk , NE ) and I will be your host , hoping to provide daily updates along the way . Yesterday , our team arrived in Lincoln for some pre - trip training . We did introductions and trip orientation . We also began to break into the ministry teams we 'll be in on the trip . One team will focus on renovating a city park , one team will focus on hosting some " street parties " - catchy , high - energy activities that will cause people to stop and pay attention , drawing them in . A third team will focus on children 's ministry . We concluded Day 1 with group devotions and prayer . This morning , we started with group devotions and prayer . After that , we Skyped with the leadership team in Ireland - for some , their first opportunity to experience the Irish accent ! The rest of our morning has been spent doing large group dance prep . This afternoon , we 'll finalize various dance routines and other ministry prep before doing a final Walmart run for Posted by - A girl hurt her ankle playing soccer . The dorm prayed for her . She woke up in the morning and it was healed - A dorm leader wrote down on a piece of paper that his fear to give up was that his children would grow old and not need him anymore . Just as he crumpled it up to take forward for the altar call , he felt some arms grab him around the waist . He turned , and it was his daughter from the other side of the room . They hugged and took their fears to the altar together . She showed up at just the right time - A dorm leader and senior pastor stuck around the altar for prayer and God touched his heart and ministered to him personally - A dorm leader woke up early to take care of a personal need of one of her students . As she was working , she saw a young boy walking around . The walked together and he opened up about his loss of his mother several years ago . When she got back to her room of girls , she told them about her conversation with the young boy . Three of the girls in the room who had previously not opened up yet began to talk about how they were in single parent families and God began to minister to them . And it was only 7 : 45 am ! - A children 's pastor mentioned a young girl that grew up without a mom . She is a tomboy and the pastor had been trying to help her in a motherly way . The girl has really opened up during camp , showing more affection , and asking for prayer that she would want God more in her life . - Last night a student testified about how she had been praying for her parents to get back together for a solid year , and they did . A young boy who had just opened up to his dorm leader about the same need in his life committed to continue praying in the same way - a student stopped a pastor on his way to the popstand / rec center after service to ask for prayer . Right there on the sidewalk they prayed for his father , before getting treats for the evening - a leader had a student approach him at the altar . He mentioned that his dad had left his family and he had a hard time seeing God is a loving Father . The leader held him and prayed for him . God broke the student and healed his heart . - a children 's pastor mentioned that many of the boys in his dorm were disengaged the first night , but very enthusiastic during the games . He told them that if they 'd be as excited for God as they are for the competitions , they 'd be amazed at what God could do . Last night , he noticed a marked improvement in their attention during service and saw them all pressing in for more of God than they were before . - 2 students who had been disengaged the first night were at the altars last night . Back at their dorm , they talked with their dorm leader about the things they were going through back home . Another student nearby in the room started mentioning how grateful he was for the things in his life after hearing of their stories . - A DL mentioned that his students returned to his room last night full of questions about spiritual things , so they stayed up much later talking about them - A first time DL thanked God for the chance to be here . The first day he thought he was in over his head because he had ten young boys . God has given him the chance to spread out individual moments of connecting with each of them and he wouldn 't trade this opportunity for anything else . - A children 's pastor is leaving her church . Her students have been very attached to her at camp because of it . She noticed last night they they were praying intensely for God to do great things in their lives , and when they finished they realized they were the last people in the service room . - A student from a church had been in a mental hospital just one week before camp . God has really touched his life this week as his pastor saw him engagPosted by - A young man prayed with a leader . They found out his mom had died 4 years ago and it was tearing him up . He hugged the leader and was crying so hard he could feel the tears through his shirt . The leader told him later that the student was also ministering to him with the hug , because as a leader he had lost his mother just last October to cancer . - A dorm leader saw a student praying over a certain issue at the altar . Just a few moments , he recognized the same student praying with someone else to help him with the same issue that he received prayer for . - A leader prayed for a student that had lost her father . She told her that God was her dad and he was the best dad she could ever ask for . Later , during worship , we sang a song called WE HAVE THE BEST DAD . The student smiled big towards the leader while singing that song with all of her might - A girl came forward and asked for prayer that her mother would find a job . They had no father because he had abandoned them . - Roughly 30 students walked forward to receive Jesus for the very first time last night during the altar call - A dorm leader had a girl that didn 't like to sing at all , and said she didn 't like worship . She was having a pretty bad attitude throughout the week . After last night 's altar call for the Baptism of the Holy Spirit , she apologized to her dorm leader for her bad attitude . She also committed to go home and apologize to her parents for the same thing . The last thing the leader saw was this student up front worshipping God with all of her might . - A senior pastor mentioned that one of the students he brought , one that looked like he might never come to Christ , accepted Jesus as His Savior last night . - A youth pastor had a walk - on that came from a Lutheran church . God gave her a tremendous sense of peace during the altar call . Another girl gave her life to Christ , and later the youth pastor saw those students praying and ministering to each other . - A youth leader caught a couple of students holding hands in service , so he went to sit by them and keep them apart . Later , the male student came to him at the altar apologizing and asking for prayer . - A dorm leader was praying for a student to receive the Baptism of the Holy Spirit . After she received , she began to prophecy over the leader and spoke into her life concerning some very private , personal things . - During our morning devotions , a student testified to his youth pastor that he was saved last and filled with the Spirit as well . - A Dorm Leader had a student approach him at the altar . He hadn 't worn his leader tag in an obvious place , so he looked like a student . The student began to pray for him to receive the Baptism of the Holy Spirit . The leader didn 't want to stop him because he was so proud of him . - A Dorm Leader was praying with his dorm room to receive the Holy Spirit . One particular student wasn 't too involved , and had his head down , seemingly uninterested . After the leader closed his eyes for a few seconds , he looked up to see that same student praying for two other students to receive the Holy Ghost . ' Can 't look at a frog and tell how high it can jump froPosted by - One of our pre - campers lost his glasses at Camp Arrowhead . They went back to look for them , but couldn 't find them . Troy , the leader , gathered the students together and prayed . Later , another student found them . When they brought them to the Pre - Campers , the student that had lost the glasses asked , ' Do you think this had something to do with when we prayed ? ' - A youth pastor mentioned that in their church devotional groups , one of his students thanked God for setting her free from some pain involving family issues , from the service last night . - A youth pastor had some students that didn 't really go after God the first night . Last night , one of them was very broken and responded to the altar call . Later , he mentioned that with every tear that fell , he felt like another hurt in his life was lifted from his shoulders and he experienced freedom . - A female DL mentioned that one of her students told her that she experienced God 's love for the first time last night - The worship leader noticed some students in the back , not interested in the service and even mocking the speaker . During the altar call though , one of the students literally came running to the altar , broken and hungry to meet God . - A student from last week came back with his youth group for the service last night . During the week before , he had given his life to God after being an atheist . He had said that there was no denying God 's existence after he experienced Him at camp the week before . During the night , our speaker talked about his father 's mistakes , and how that impacted him . This student was touched because his parents where divorced and his dad had even tried to kill his mother . He connected with our speakers story and came to the altar for freedom from the pain in his life . - During the altar call , we were asked to right down different areas of pain and weakness in our life that are extra baggage we carry around with us . We brought them to the altar and dropped them in an empty suitcase . Different leaders came and gathered the separate paper and tPosted by Here are some testimonies from our leaders meeting concerning our first service Monday night : - A female dorm leader testified that two of her girls gave their lives to Jesus last night in salvation . - A male DL prayed with one of his students . He was broken at the altar . Earlier in the day , his parents had finished a court hearing to finalize their divorce . The DL and other boys in his room were able to minister to him in a difficult time . - A female DL was able to talk with a girl after the service at our rec center / popstand . She had been in and out of juvenile detention 15 times and wanted to change . They committed to continue meeting together throughout the week to keep pursuing God for freedom . - Another female DL prayed with one of her campers that had been battling depression , especially in regards to her appearance . She was set free at the altar . - A youth pastor returned to his dorm after the night and had a wonderful discussion with his guys about what to do to stop doing the things they gave to God at the altar . This was following up on our speakers desire to have them pursue a course of action to change . - Lastly , a female dorm leader had a great discussion with her girls after service . Many of them were convicted about how they treat their parents and they made a commitment to respect and honor them as they should . Here 's the testimonies from our service Wednesday night : - A Youth pastor mentioned that one of the students from their church was very shy in their morning devotional group at the first part of the week , but he has consistently opened up more and more as the week has gone on . - A Dorm leader mentioned a student that had told her on the first night that she had never heard God speak before . Last night , she heard God speak and He was telling her to be a leader in her city and her church - A leader went to a student that was broken ready to pray for them . But just as he was about to place his hand on the students shoulder , the student reached for him and began to pray for the leader . - A dorm leader had a student in his dorm that was hard . He had been coming to camp all of his life . At first , he was distant from the altar . Last night , he came crying and was broken before God . - Another youth pastor mentioned that one of his students came only to meet girls . Last night , he came to his dorm leader apologetic for his attitude and wanted to change . - A leader approached a girl that was at the altar . The girl seemed hard and distant at first , but as they continued to talk to she opened up , even about some recent serious events that had occurred over the weekend . God used the leader to help her in those specific situations . - One dorm leader mentioned he had some farm boys in his cabin . The speaker last night spoke about how when we are filled with the Holy Spirit , it 's as if God has branded us . It really connected with his students . The used an analogy of a diesel chip in a truck to explain how being filled with the Spirit makes us better . - A particular younger dorm leader went to high school with a number of the students in his dorm . He knew them well and was amazed at the change he saw in them . The first night , they didn 't like it , the second night they said it was OK but not for them , last night they were completely engaged and responded to the altar call . - A youth pastor was talking to a girl in his youth group . She finalPosted by Tuesday NightHere are some testimonies from Tuesday night at Youth Camp 1 in Nebraska : A camper came with his cousins , but wasn 't a Christian . He was very hungry about God the first night but didn 't make a commitment . The dorm leader felt like testifying the next day about it , but didn 't because hadn 't yet accepted Christ . Well on Tuesday night , he was broken and came forward and accepted Christ as His Savior . A dorm leader had a cabin full of girls that were very close but wouldn 't open up with her at all . After the service , they got to their room and the dorm leader decided to share her testimony with them . It really opened them up and they connected and talked for a long time . A dorm leader ran into some students that he had the privilege of dorm leading several camp seasons ago . One particular student pulled him aside and talked with him at length about the issues going on in his life , still feeling close the dorm leader he had a few years back . A dorm leader talked of a student that was very lonely . Last night , our speaker Chet spoke about seeing herself as God 's child . She wrote a sign and showed it to everyone in her room , with a smile on her face , ' I AM NOT INVISIBLE ' A youth pastor talked about how he had a great connection with one of his students that had just graduated and was now planning to attend UNL . A dorm leader asked her students what they wanted to see God do , and they spoke of things that she hadn 't even thought possible . She realized that their faith is even bigger than ours : ' the faith of a child ' One youth group organized an early morning prayer session with the students from their church . They made a commitment as they prayed to continue staying in a prayerful attitude throughout the day . Last night , we ended the service was triumphant praise , many of us jumping , screaming , and dancing in freedom . A youth pastor spoke about how many of us still needed to let go and do these things to experience a new freedom in worship as well . Here are some testimonies that our leaders gave in regards to Monday at Youth Camp 1 . Chet Caudill , National STL Director , is our speaker . He talked about how many of us want to be great for God but our ' buts ' get in the way ( ' but I 'm not good enough , but I wouldn 't succeed , but , but , etc . ) : - One dorm leader had a group full of guys very hungry for more of God . They are reading a chapter together in a devotional book and personally trying to be very encouraging to others throughout the week . - The worship leader said that he 's been to many different camps and he has rarely seen a camp where he the students are so hungry to worship and he effortlessly leads them in praising God . - A dorm leader had a girl that came with a small group of guys from her church . Last night , 2 of them accepted Christ as their Savior . - Another female dorm leader had a girl that believed God was speaking to her throughout the service about all of her excuses for holding back in pursuing His plan for her . She committed to stop making excuses and go after more of God . - One leader ( a summer intern at a church in southeast NE ) saw a student throughout the day appearing very hard and unhappy . He saw him respond to the altar call for salvation , approaching a leader with tears in his eyes , and genuinely repenting before God . - One leader was working with a student that also is his cousin . He realized that all of the things God had been doing in his life were preparing him to minister in the same areas with this student at camp . - Finally , a male dorm leader had a student that decided to give up his habit of tobacco . * Reminder - This is our last blog in June . We will be taking a break during the rest of the month due to our oversight of the youth and kids camps in Nebraska . This blog will post leader testimonies from events at camp throughout the weeks . 1 ) . Song of the Day : Ryan Stevenson - ♫ We Got the Light ♫ 2 ) . Blog Entry : Leader Profile - Shawn BanzhafHISTORY : Grew up in Lexington , NE . Former Police OfficerPOSITION : Chadron State Chi Alpha DirectorFAMILY : Wife Jodi , Son Zach , Daughter JennaHOBBIES : Hanging out with his wife and Chi Alpha students3 ) . Ministry of the Day : NEAG District - the blog sight where we will post random pictures from our camps throughout the month of June . 4 ) . Link of the Day : Flavors . me - Create and make your own homepage in just minutes . 5 ) . Quote of the Day : ' If we don 't reach our kids in our day and age , we have no one to blame but ourselves . ' - Scott Berkey , Director of the National Children 's Ministry Agency6 ) . Miscellaneous : Today is National Donut Day . It is also the birthday of Pastor Dwight Sandoz ( NE Superintendent ) , a distinction he shares with Jim Gerhold ( pastor in Sidney , NE ) and Igor Shafarevich , the famous Russian mathematician , from 1923 . Finally , is the anniversary of the day that the Grand Island tornado hit in 1980 . 1 ) . Song of the Day : Third Day - ♫ Trust in Jesus ♫ 2 ) . Blog Entry : Testimonies - We were working a few weeks ago , trying to line up transportation to take our students and leaders from our campgrounds to a nearby campground with a lake and outdoor recreation during our camps . This was especially important because our pool and gym were still a possibility of not having with us , still being under construction . Last week , a church in Friend decided to give a good working bus to us as a gift . Then , later this week , another call came in from Platte Valley Youth for Christ and they also wanted to donate a bus to us . We never put the word out that we were searching ! God has a way of meeting our needs that goes beyond anything we can do on our own . - A youth pastor came with his wife to help us work at the campgrounds to prepare for camps last weekend . He had also come to our youth leaders training back in April . He told me that his group recently had doubled in size and they were bringing the largest group they 've ever brought to camp . They are currently trying to recruit more leaders and excited about the future , as am I . 3 ) . Ministry of the Day : National Young Adult Ministries - Real , relevant , relational , and revolutionary - for young adults and recent high school graduates4 ) . Link of the Day : Post Box - A first class email software that puts you in the driver 's seat . Stay on task , find information quickly and act , not react . 5 ) . Quote of the Day : ' Act like it is important , because it is important ' - Hutson Goza , Louisiana District Secretary / Treasurer6 ) . Miscellaneous : Today is National Running Day . It is also the birthday of Leann Clark ( youth leader in Lyons and Pastor 's Wife ) , a distinction she shares with Kyle Petty , famous race car driver , from 1960 . Finally , it is the anniversary of the day that Ken Jennings began his famous winning run on Jeopardy in 2004 . Julie Korell , Youth Pastor in Grand Island , at Youth Camp 2010 * Reminder * - We will take a break from our regular blogging in June , due to the Youth and Kids Camps we host throughout the month . This blog will still be used to report testimonies from our leaders meetings during the camps . 1 ) . Song of the Day : Tedashii - ♫ Need it Daily ♫ 2 ) . Blog Entry : Leaders Corner - Yesterday I took part in a leadership discussion on Twitter with leaders from the Disney Institute of Leadership . Here are some of the lessons I gleaned from that time : - As leaders , we use communication as our art form to teach and challenge . Artists use paintbrushes , we use conversations . We must challenge ourselves to make sure our listeners understood us . One of the effective means is to be authentic and tell humbling stories , which engage people on an emotional level . Authenticity in communication is half message , half delivery . We often forget about the best way to deliver . We might have the best message , but without a good delivery , it won 't be realized . 3 ) . Ministry of the Day : Off - Road Discipleship - Explore twelve central spiritual disciplines that Christian leaders of all ages need to change about themselves and their churches to reach out to the culture around them . 4 ) . Link of the Day : Quiet Write - A simple , private online journal5 ) . Quote of the Day : ' Imitate Good ! Don 't be a ME - FIRST kind of leader ' - Jay Mooney , National Youth Leader6 ) . Miscellaneous : Today is National Say Something Nice Day . It is also the birthday of Brian Korell ( NE Youth Alive Director ) a distinction he shares with the actor Morgan Freeman from 1937 . Finally , it is the anniversary of the day that the Heimlich Maneuver was established in a medical journal in 1974 . Brian Korell , NE Youth Alive Director , on the Missions Bike Ride 2010
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I 've been browsing this forum for about four years , and have recently begun to build my home theater . Two years ago , we moved to a new home we had built in extreme northern Virginia . My lovely wife fell in love with the space above ground , and I fell for the blank canvas that was the basement . As soon as the foundation was poured , I began measuring and working various plan scenarios . I have plans for a 23 ' x 13 ' dedicated theater with a separate equipment room . I 'm planning a large screen , something on the order of 130 " - 145 " , acoustically transparent , of course . Seating will most likely be for 8 . I 'm also finishing the remainder of the basement at the same time , and I 'm doing all of the work myself . I don 't plan on this being a quick build . I 'm also going to borrow heavily from some of the designs that I 've seen here over the years . Hope you all don 't mind . . . In May , we consolidated all of the crap , ahem . . I mean treasures . . . to one side of the basement , and started framing . That was one long weekend . Here 's the photos of the raw space afer consolidation . Here 's a view of the empty storage area : The following weekend , we built storage shelves in the storage room . Our plan was to build some storage shelves , frame the storage room , fill the shelves with the stuff from the rest of the room , then begin framing the reaminder of the basement . Memorial Day Weekend , we built these shelves and framed the storage room . . . . with wheels . We modeled them after the huge sliding medical files that are used to save space . You can load them up and slide them next to each other to save floor space . The top shelf is almost 6 ' tall ( sized to slide under a doorway ) . The bottom shelf and sides are made of 2 " x4 " s , and the upper shelves are made with 2 " x3 " s . I 'm really happy with how well these turned out . On Memorial Day , we began framing the basement . It was just two years and one week since we moved in . I guess I 'm really deliberate at planning , because I absolutely could not decide on a plan . A coworker of mine finished his basement the last year and was quite a resource for getting me started . I 've also been really awed by the members of this forum . You guys are really building some killer theaters ! I had to frame this doorway twice . . . when I framed it for the first time , I had the jack studs outside the king stud . . . it wasn 't holding up the header . The second time was much , much easier . I will make a plug for a trigger - activated Ramset . I purchased a hammer - type concrete mailer , and it didn 't work too well . I got frustrated and purchased a trigger - type unit and it works MUCH better . I fired nails into the concrete and the beam above . The concrete nails performated the 5 / 16 " steel relatively easily . Here 's a photo of the column and beam . You can see one of the nails in the top plate : On the Tuesday after Memorial day , I went to the local town office and pulled ermits for the work . There 's a holy war between those who feel permits aren 't necessary ( what the city doesn 't know won 't hurt them ) and those who feel permits have benefits . I pulled permits so that I could have a set of experienced eyes review my work . I provided a copy of my plans , and signed an affidavit stating that I was doing the work myself , and paid the fees . A few days later , I picket up my plumbing , electrical , and building permits . After posting them proudly in the front window , I began working on framing the sump pumd closet and the side wall . Starting down the wall . There 's a small 3 ' x 2 . 5 ' under the fireplace . Don 't know why we need an alcove like this , but I 'm framing it in as is : Yes , that 's a server rack in the back . When we moved in , I installed a server rack and two 24 port patch panels . I ran 30 internet drops and 15 cable drops throughout the house . I ran everything to the patch panels , then jumpered them to the router . Teh server is a home built file server . I have 1 . 5 TB installed in a RAID 5 array . Always wanted a home server ! Yes , that 's a server rack in the back of the room . As soon as we moved in , I installed a server rack and two 24 port patch panels . I ran 30 internet drops and 15 cable TV drops throughout the house . I built the server . . . it 's a PIII 933 with 2 GB of RAM and 1 . 5 TB of storage ( RAID 5 array ) . I may use it as the beginning of a media server when the build is finished . Looking good . Just a heads up . When roughing in a double wide door the rules of thumb of how much extra space to leave is different than single doors . I ASSUMED that since leaving 30 inches for a 28 inch single door that you could just leave 50 inches for a double 48 . Well if it has the T molding ( T - astrigal ) on the edge of one door and the one side locks in place it needs an extra inch . I had to do surgery on my framing to fit in one of those doors . Just a what I wish I had done better item . When I did my basement project I repacked the rim - joist area of the basement with insulation and doubled it up . I wish that I had taken the first layer down and sprayed that area with a layer of foam insulation to seal all the possible air leaks . Then put the fiberglass back for sound deadening . After completion I could still feel drafts coming out my outlets and I know it was from the rim - joist area . I know they sell DIY kits and It 's on my list for next time around . Thanks Big . I think I have enough space built in for the double doors . I have a set in my master bathroom and I used it as a measurement standard . I was worried that I had too much space and that I 'd need to shim it up . I 'm definately going to measure it tonight to see how much wiggle room I 'll have . Funny that you mention about the rim joist . As I was framing the first outside wall , I felt a warm breeze wafting in . I pulled back the insulation and found that in a few places , I could see light under the rim joist between it and the foundation . I picked up a can of foam insulation and went to it . It was only then that I found the amazing properties of that stuff . . . it 'll stick to anything and will never come off . The folks at work had quite a time asking why my hands and part of my arms were yellow ! When we last heard from our intrepid builders , they had just finished framing a closet for the sump pump . The following weekend , we made progress on continuing down the north wall towards the theater . 1 / 3 of the way down the wall , the theater wall began . Originally , the fresh water pipe was vertical . I moved it to allow me to have only one access panel for plumbing . I turned off the water to the street as well as at the valve . I replumbed it to allow for consolidation , then turned everything back on . Amazingly , there were no leaks ! Back to the theater . All of the walls in the theater are to be decoupled from the joists above . This will reduce sound transmission to the floor above . To accomplish this decoupling , we installed RSIC clips , model DC04 's . These clips are manufactured in Australia and consist of a metal L shaped bracket , a significant rubber washer , and a metal gromet that fits inside the washer to provide stability . Here 's a picture of a clip , as well as a drawing of the decoupled wall assembly . The walls are 9 ' tall , so we built the walls a few inches shorter than the final wall height . This allowed a few inches gap between the top plate and the joists above . We assembled the wall on the floor , then install the clips to the top plate every 3 feet . Heavy wood screws held the clip to the top plate . We then stood up the wall section , and fastened the clips to the joists above with 1 1 / 4 ' drywall screws . The wall was leveled and the bottom plate attached to the concrete floor using the Ramset mentioned earlier . It took a bit of time to cut the studs , lay out the wall , figure out how to install the clips , and install the wall . I truly hope that these make a significant difference . All of the theater walls will be 2 layers of 5 / 8 " drywall , separated with Green Glue ! The following weekend , we finished framing the theater and part of the hallway . The entryway leading to the theater really bugged me for quite some time . I envisioned a grand entry with a ticket niche , and a short hallway leading to the theater . I went through multiple designs and wasted a lot of tape laying the designs out on the floor before I was able to find one that I really liked . The plan that I included at the top of the thread is the final one the I am building , so you really didn 't get a chance to see the interim designs We started by framing along the back wall of the theater , then came down the entry wall . Finally , we framed the screen wall and the short outside wall leading to the sump pump . The missing part will be on a 45 degree angle to add a design element to enlarge the theater a bit in the center , as well as to hide the support column . At this point , there will be zero columns visible in the theater . Current size is 23 ' long by 14 . 5 ' wide in the front and 11 ' wide in the back . I 'm shooting for 2 rows of 4 seats . There 's been some debate on this forum about the usefulness of double doors and how there 's an issue with sound transmission . I opted for the double doors because I like the larger entry way and I like the look . I 'll deal with the sound transmission . Each wall in the theater is 2 " x 4 " construction and are decoupled from the ceiling joists by RSIC clips . All of the walls that have a living space on the other side are framed as double walls . . . both are 2 " x 4 " construction , decoupled from the ceiling and are separated by a 1 . 5 " gap . Each wall is independant . Everything that I 've read seems to indicate that this will significantly improve sound transmission and * * * * * * flanking . The interior walls of the theater will be covered with two layers of 5 / 8 " drywall with Green Glue between . The walls will also be insulated with R - 13 insulation , leaving the 1 . 5 " void between each wall . Again , this should significantly * * * * * * sound transmission . I 'm posting frequently to get everyone caught up . I 'm relatively confident in my framing , plumbing , and electrical skills , but I 'm not sure about acoustical design and such . I 'm going to look into hiring Bpape to help with that . Thanks , Gonzo . I 'm sure trying to do this right . Someone turned me on to Holmes on Homes and that 's Mike 's big thing . . . " if you are going to do it , do it right " . Thanks . I can 't believe that more folks don 't do this , as they really save space . I thought this one up on my own . The mistake that I made was that the units are too long and the wheels are too small . The size of the units means that they can hold a lot of stuff and are heavy . The wheels don 't get rolling too easily and the wife has difficulty getting them moving . I don 't have too much trouble , but I think when the build is done , I 'll cut them down a bit and add larger wheels . That way she 'll be able to reach the junk . . . ahem . . . sorry , I mean " stuff that she hasn 't seen in years " , much easier . Hello , my name is CJ and it 's been over a week since my last post . Please forgive me . . . I 've been reading the posts of others and have neglected you , my reader . Now , back to catching you all up . In my last post , we covered the wall detail for all of the walls within the theater . Progress on the framing went really quickly when we were working on it ( DUH ! ) . Life and Scout camps , vacations and the like attempted to intrude on our build , but we wound up taking only a few weeks off . A few weeks before my in - laws came for a week long visit , we completed the following items : Here 's a shot of the theater entrance . The theater is on the left , and a bathroom is on the right . The hallway leads to the equipment room ( currently housing my home server ) . The cutout on the right will be used as a display niche , while the cutout on the left will be used for a ticket booth . . . something like what BritInVA did . I think this will be simply a piece of frosted glass lit from behind ( in the space between the back wall of the theater and the screen wall ( did I mention we 're doing an AT screen ? ) . The space between the back wall and the screen wall will be between 2 and 3 feet . The space above the doorway will be used as a lighted marqui , while stealthfully hiding the beam . I know this is a dedicated theater building forum , but I 'm going to post photos of the rest of the basement as well , at least until complaints are heard . I 'll try to keep it heavy on the theater . . . Follow my build here : Harvest Ridge Theater A week or so later , we had a visit from my in - laws . I have to say that I love them to death , but I 'm not too social after a few days , particularly when I have a great project sitting right below me ! My father in law and I stole away to the basement on day 4 to frame out the equipment room . The server rack is atached to the floor , so I 'm going to try to work around it as much as I can . I 'm going to move the patch panels , routers , and switch to a small wall - mounted rack on the back wall ( just above where it is currently ) . The rack may be used as the equipment rack on the other side of this room . We cut the stack out , and regiggered it so that the Y could be added . When the builder plumbed the house originally , they did not make the waste stack perpendicular to the slab . When I " fixed " it , I made it work so that the wall could continue where it was ( hiding the waste stack ) without having to bump it out . It 's water tight , just not 100 % perpendicular . You 'll remember that the fresh water inlet ( the black pipe ) was moved to it 's new location to allow for only one access panel in the theater . This stack and breaker box is located in the left rear corner of the theater . Also along the way , I relocated the water hammer arrestor . This blue device sits between the inside plumbing and the outside inlet . It is charged with pressurized air in one half and water in the other half . It is supposed to stop water hammer ( s ? ) from entering the house and damaging the water heater and other stuff . It was originally inside the equipment room above the server stack . We moved it inside the HVAC / WH closet . You see , I worked on it with the in - laws here late on one evening . When I realized we needed additional fittings , I drove over to BigBlue and found out that they were closed . I asked a clerk in the parking lot why they had closed early . . . as it was only 8 : 30pm . She said they always closed at 8 : 00pm on SUNDAY . . . . I thought it was SATURDAY ( they close at 10 : 00pm on Saturday ) ! I think the thing I hate the most about DIY projects is having to drive to the home improvement store all the darn time . There always seems to be something that you didn 't realize you needed . If you try to be proactive and get extra stuff , you rarely need it . I grew up in a little bitty town of 900 in southwest OK . The nearest lumber yard was 25 miles away . It had a limited inventory and weird hours . I now live in a town of 25 , 000 that has a number of lumber yards and home centers . I 'm 2 miles from HD and BigBlue ( they are across the street from each other ) . Though I 've made more trips to both than I care to admit , I 'm really thankful that I don 't live in that little bitty town I grew up in . I 'd never be able to make progress , cause I 'd always be in the car headed to town ! We planned to do a soffit in the front of the room to hide the HVAC and a large beam . There is a beam in the back of the room that would be hidden as well by a soffit . I was really searching for a way to hide these with some sort of design flair . With 9 ' ceilings in the basement , we have some room to work with ( one of the best upgrades that we purchased when we built the house ) . After countless hours reading threads on this board , I stumbled upon the idea of a tray ceiling in the middle of the theater . I didn 't fully think through the amount of work involved , but that 's were all of the good ones make their mistakes , no ? We are working towards a 10 ' wide AT screen ( estimate ) , with a 2 ' space between the back wall of the theater and the false screen wall . This will house speakers . The RSIC clips that we used to isolate the walls from the joists above were used to suspend the central part of the ceiling from the joists . The sides of the soffits that form the tray ceiling are connected to the walls . Teh walls are decoupled from the joists above , so there 's bound to be a significant reduction of flanking noise . Here 's a photo that I took tonight that shows a few of the clips at work holding up the soffit . I 'm not sure that these are necessary , but I had a few extras and I like to over engineer . Since we were on a roll with the theater tray ceiling , we decided to tackle the soffits . We had a soffit over the storage area to hide a natural gas pipe and to provide design continuity across the main wall of the basement . We also needed to hide a beam and post on the other side of the basement by the door , and build enclose the theater entry marquis . Here 's some photos of the soffit over the storage area . They are only about 12 " tall and 14 " deep . They conceal a black iron natural gas pipe and provide for a clean line across the right side of the basement . They take up a little space but I like to clean look . While we had the particle board out , we enclosed the theater entry marquis . The marquis will consist of a lighted sign over the doorway . It has not been designed yet . . . You look like you know what you are doing with the framing . I 'm looking at a similar type of setup . What would have done if you had a window well / window int he area where you wanted to put the theater ? Is there a way to frame in a window without allowing flanking noise ? Would you have just framed over it ? We didn 't like the way that the french door leading outside opened . It opened right into a support column ( with about 1 . 5 ' clearance ) . When we built the house , the builder offered an option to upgrade to a sliding door for $ 1800 , but they would not install it below grade ( even though my basement is a walkout and the back is above grade ) . We lived with the door for a while and became quite dissatisfied with the way it opened . I made a decision to replace it with a slider . A new subproject was borne ! No framing was required . . . it was just cut the caulking and the 6 large finish nails holding the old door and pull it out . The hardest part of this was figuring out that I needed to order new siding for the back of the house . The old door had a brick mold around it , so the trim was much wider than that around the new door ( both doors are the same size ) . The next morning , I was at big blue ordering a box of siding and some J - channel to go around the new window and the other door that the wife wanted . The wife and I had decided that the corner of the basement was too dark and that it would be nice to add a desk in it . We decided we wanted a window . I made another trip to big blue and we picked up a 33 " x44 " Pella window to match the door and some 2 " x8 " ( the back of the house is framed with 2 " x8 " s ) . This one required framing and major cutting ( it 's always scary cutting a hole to the outside of your house ) . The builder did not use 1 / 2 " sheathing on the outside of the structure , nor did they use a vapor barrier . Their sheathing was an engineered material that was rather thin . I was told they it included an integrated vapor barrier . When I began to work on the back of the house , I decided to wrap the portion that I was working on in Tyvek . I very nearly replaced the sheathing on the entire back of the house , but I quickly talked myself out of it . I purchased a 3 ' tall roll of HouseWrap and wrapped the outside ( from 9 ' down ) . I made sure to tape the edges and seams really well ( thanks Hometime and TOH for the tips ) . To finish the back of the house , we decided to reinstall the 6 ' french door that we removed from the other side of the basement . We wanted another entry and needed more light , so we began to frame the back wall for this new opening . This one was a bit scary , since it was a large opening in a load bearing wall . Installing a 3 ' window didn 't scare me this much , so precautions were the order of the day . I installed temporary bracing the make sure that the back of the house wouldn 't fall in while I was framing the opening . Looking back on it now , it looks as though the temporary bracing was woefully undersized . Hey . . . it didn 't fall in on me , so I did something right . Originally Posted by carboranadum I grew up in a little bitty town of 900 in southwest OK . The nearest lumber yard was 25 miles away . It had a limited inventory and weird hours . I now live in a town of 25 , 000 that has a number of lumber yards and home centers . I 'm 2 miles from HD and BigBlue ( they are across the street from each other ) . Though I 've made more trips to both than I care to admit , I 'm really thankful that I don 't live in that little bitty town I grew up in . I 'd never be able to make progress , cause I 'd always be in the car headed to town ! Very nice work by the way . You seem to be racing out the start after a long , long planning phase . Keep it up ! ! You know I 'll be watching . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . MichaelClick here for my construction thread Thanks for the comments . I 'm following your thread rather closely , and I 'm in awe of the quantity of work that you have bitten off . Our paths are rather similar . There 's no freaking way that I 'm publishing how many runs I 'm making between HD and Lowe 's . The wife is keeping track , and there 's been a sizable abount of money flowing out . Thank God for our involvement in Cub and Boy Scouts . Events in the fall took us away from the theater for nearly 2 . 5 months ( and stopped the bleeding somewhat ) . I 'm trying to get the thread caught up to where I am now . The last post was from work completed in October . I 'm currently working to begin insulation . . . everything else is done , inspected and approved . I 'm hesitating to get started with insulation because I 'm working to install the security cabling , and design a solution for a hush box at the back of the theater . You look like you know what you are doing with the framing . I 'm looking at a similar type of setup . What would have done if you had a window well / window int he area where you wanted to put the theater ? Is there a way to frame in a window without allowing flanking noise ? Would you have just framed over it ? I think he 's talking about the one I quoted . I framed over my windows , but they weren 't egress windows , just casement windows . I would have probably made a removable plug for an egress window . But flanking would not have been the driver in my design , I am not sure how you address that . I know Cathan is putting in egress windows , but I don 't think they are in the theater .
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I 've been browsing this forum for about four years , and have recently begun to build my home theater . Two years ago , we moved to a new home we had built in extreme northern Virginia . My lovely wife fell in love with the space above ground , and I fell for the blank canvas that was the basement . As soon as the foundation was poured , I began measuring and working various plan scenarios . I have plans for a 23 ' x 13 ' dedicated theater with a separate equipment room . I 'm planning a large screen , something on the order of 130 " - 145 " , acoustically transparent , of course . Seating will most likely be for 8 . I 'm also finishing the remainder of the basement at the same time , and I 'm doing all of the work myself . I don 't plan on this being a quick build . I 'm also going to borrow heavily from some of the designs that I 've seen here over the years . Hope you all don 't mind . . . In May , we consolidated all of the crap , ahem . . I mean treasures . . . to one side of the basement , and started framing . That was one long weekend . Here 's the photos of the raw space afer consolidation . Here 's a view of the empty storage area : The following weekend , we built storage shelves in the storage room . Our plan was to build some storage shelves , frame the storage room , fill the shelves with the stuff from the rest of the room , then begin framing the reaminder of the basement . Memorial Day Weekend , we built these shelves and framed the storage room . . . . with wheels . We modeled them after the huge sliding medical files that are used to save space . You can load them up and slide them next to each other to save floor space . The top shelf is almost 6 ' tall ( sized to slide under a doorway ) . The bottom shelf and sides are made of 2 " x4 " s , and the upper shelves are made with 2 " x3 " s . I 'm really happy with how well these turned out . On Memorial Day , we began framing the basement . It was just two years and one week since we moved in . I guess I 'm really deliberate at planning , because I absolutely could not decide on a plan . A coworker of mine finished his basement the last year and was quite a resource for getting me started . I 've also been really awed by the members of this forum . You guys are really building some killer theaters ! I had to frame this doorway twice . . . when I framed it for the first time , I had the jack studs outside the king stud . . . it wasn 't holding up the header . The second time was much , much easier . I will make a plug for a trigger - activated Ramset . I purchased a hammer - type concrete mailer , and it didn 't work too well . I got frustrated and purchased a trigger - type unit and it works MUCH better . I fired nails into the concrete and the beam above . The concrete nails performated the 5 / 16 " steel relatively easily . Here 's a photo of the column and beam . You can see one of the nails in the top plate : On the Tuesday after Memorial day , I went to the local town office and pulled ermits for the work . There 's a holy war between those who feel permits aren 't necessary ( what the city doesn 't know won 't hurt them ) and those who feel permits have benefits . I pulled permits so that I could have a set of experienced eyes review my work . I provided a copy of my plans , and signed an affidavit stating that I was doing the work myself , and paid the fees . A few days later , I picket up my plumbing , electrical , and building permits . After posting them proudly in the front window , I began working on framing the sump pumd closet and the side wall . Starting down the wall . There 's a small 3 ' x 2 . 5 ' under the fireplace . Don 't know why we need an alcove like this , but I 'm framing it in as is : Yes , that 's a server rack in the back . When we moved in , I installed a server rack and two 24 port patch panels . I ran 30 internet drops and 15 cable drops throughout the house . I ran everything to the patch panels , then jumpered them to the router . Teh server is a home built file server . I have 1 . 5 TB installed in a RAID 5 array . Always wanted a home server ! Yes , that 's a server rack in the back of the room . As soon as we moved in , I installed a server rack and two 24 port patch panels . I ran 30 internet drops and 15 cable TV drops throughout the house . I built the server . . . it 's a PIII 933 with 2 GB of RAM and 1 . 5 TB of storage ( RAID 5 array ) . I may use it as the beginning of a media server when the build is finished . Looking good . Just a heads up . When roughing in a double wide door the rules of thumb of how much extra space to leave is different than single doors . I ASSUMED that since leaving 30 inches for a 28 inch single door that you could just leave 50 inches for a double 48 . Well if it has the T molding ( T - astrigal ) on the edge of one door and the one side locks in place it needs an extra inch . I had to do surgery on my framing to fit in one of those doors . Just a what I wish I had done better item . When I did my basement project I repacked the rim - joist area of the basement with insulation and doubled it up . I wish that I had taken the first layer down and sprayed that area with a layer of foam insulation to seal all the possible air leaks . Then put the fiberglass back for sound deadening . After completion I could still feel drafts coming out my outlets and I know it was from the rim - joist area . I know they sell DIY kits and It 's on my list for next time around . Thanks Big . I think I have enough space built in for the double doors . I have a set in my master bathroom and I used it as a measurement standard . I was worried that I had too much space and that I 'd need to shim it up . I 'm definately going to measure it tonight to see how much wiggle room I 'll have . Funny that you mention about the rim joist . As I was framing the first outside wall , I felt a warm breeze wafting in . I pulled back the insulation and found that in a few places , I could see light under the rim joist between it and the foundation . I picked up a can of foam insulation and went to it . It was only then that I found the amazing properties of that stuff . . . it 'll stick to anything and will never come off . The folks at work had quite a time asking why my hands and part of my arms were yellow ! When we last heard from our intrepid builders , they had just finished framing a closet for the sump pump . The following weekend , we made progress on continuing down the north wall towards the theater . 1 / 3 of the way down the wall , the theater wall began . Originally , the fresh water pipe was vertical . I moved it to allow me to have only one access panel for plumbing . I turned off the water to the street as well as at the valve . I replumbed it to allow for consolidation , then turned everything back on . Amazingly , there were no leaks ! Back to the theater . All of the walls in the theater are to be decoupled from the joists above . This will reduce sound transmission to the floor above . To accomplish this decoupling , we installed RSIC clips , model DC04 's . These clips are manufactured in Australia and consist of a metal L shaped bracket , a significant rubber washer , and a metal gromet that fits inside the washer to provide stability . Here 's a picture of a clip , as well as a drawing of the decoupled wall assembly . The walls are 9 ' tall , so we built the walls a few inches shorter than the final wall height . This allowed a few inches gap between the top plate and the joists above . We assembled the wall on the floor , then install the clips to the top plate every 3 feet . Heavy wood screws held the clip to the top plate . We then stood up the wall section , and fastened the clips to the joists above with 1 1 / 4 ' drywall screws . The wall was leveled and the bottom plate attached to the concrete floor using the Ramset mentioned earlier . It took a bit of time to cut the studs , lay out the wall , figure out how to install the clips , and install the wall . I truly hope that these make a significant difference . All of the theater walls will be 2 layers of 5 / 8 " drywall , separated with Green Glue ! The following weekend , we finished framing the theater and part of the hallway . The entryway leading to the theater really bugged me for quite some time . I envisioned a grand entry with a ticket niche , and a short hallway leading to the theater . I went through multiple designs and wasted a lot of tape laying the designs out on the floor before I was able to find one that I really liked . The plan that I included at the top of the thread is the final one the I am building , so you really didn 't get a chance to see the interim designs We started by framing along the back wall of the theater , then came down the entry wall . Finally , we framed the screen wall and the short outside wall leading to the sump pump . The missing part will be on a 45 degree angle to add a design element to enlarge the theater a bit in the center , as well as to hide the support column . At this point , there will be zero columns visible in the theater . Current size is 23 ' long by 14 . 5 ' wide in the front and 11 ' wide in the back . I 'm shooting for 2 rows of 4 seats . There 's been some debate on this forum about the usefulness of double doors and how there 's an issue with sound transmission . I opted for the double doors because I like the larger entry way and I like the look . I 'll deal with the sound transmission . Each wall in the theater is 2 " x 4 " construction and are decoupled from the ceiling joists by RSIC clips . All of the walls that have a living space on the other side are framed as double walls . . . both are 2 " x 4 " construction , decoupled from the ceiling and are separated by a 1 . 5 " gap . Each wall is independant . Everything that I 've read seems to indicate that this will significantly improve sound transmission and * * * * * * flanking . The interior walls of the theater will be covered with two layers of 5 / 8 " drywall with Green Glue between . The walls will also be insulated with R - 13 insulation , leaving the 1 . 5 " void between each wall . Again , this should significantly * * * * * * sound transmission . I 'm posting frequently to get everyone caught up . I 'm relatively confident in my framing , plumbing , and electrical skills , but I 'm not sure about acoustical design and such . I 'm going to look into hiring Bpape to help with that . Thanks , Gonzo . I 'm sure trying to do this right . Someone turned me on to Holmes on Homes and that 's Mike 's big thing . . . " if you are going to do it , do it right " . Thanks . I can 't believe that more folks don 't do this , as they really save space . I thought this one up on my own . The mistake that I made was that the units are too long and the wheels are too small . The size of the units means that they can hold a lot of stuff and are heavy . The wheels don 't get rolling too easily and the wife has difficulty getting them moving . I don 't have too much trouble , but I think when the build is done , I 'll cut them down a bit and add larger wheels . That way she 'll be able to reach the junk . . . ahem . . . sorry , I mean " stuff that she hasn 't seen in years " , much easier . Hello , my name is CJ and it 's been over a week since my last post . Please forgive me . . . I 've been reading the posts of others and have neglected you , my reader . Now , back to catching you all up . In my last post , we covered the wall detail for all of the walls within the theater . Progress on the framing went really quickly when we were working on it ( DUH ! ) . Life and Scout camps , vacations and the like attempted to intrude on our build , but we wound up taking only a few weeks off . A few weeks before my in - laws came for a week long visit , we completed the following items : Here 's a shot of the theater entrance . The theater is on the left , and a bathroom is on the right . The hallway leads to the equipment room ( currently housing my home server ) . The cutout on the right will be used as a display niche , while the cutout on the left will be used for a ticket booth . . . something like what BritInVA did . I think this will be simply a piece of frosted glass lit from behind ( in the space between the back wall of the theater and the screen wall ( did I mention we 're doing an AT screen ? ) . The space between the back wall and the screen wall will be between 2 and 3 feet . The space above the doorway will be used as a lighted marqui , while stealthfully hiding the beam . I know this is a dedicated theater building forum , but I 'm going to post photos of the rest of the basement as well , at least until complaints are heard . I 'll try to keep it heavy on the theater . . . Follow my build here : Harvest Ridge Theater A week or so later , we had a visit from my in - laws . I have to say that I love them to death , but I 'm not too social after a few days , particularly when I have a great project sitting right below me ! My father in law and I stole away to the basement on day 4 to frame out the equipment room . The server rack is atached to the floor , so I 'm going to try to work around it as much as I can . I 'm going to move the patch panels , routers , and switch to a small wall - mounted rack on the back wall ( just above where it is currently ) . The rack may be used as the equipment rack on the other side of this room . We cut the stack out , and regiggered it so that the Y could be added . When the builder plumbed the house originally , they did not make the waste stack perpendicular to the slab . When I " fixed " it , I made it work so that the wall could continue where it was ( hiding the waste stack ) without having to bump it out . It 's water tight , just not 100 % perpendicular . You 'll remember that the fresh water inlet ( the black pipe ) was moved to it 's new location to allow for only one access panel in the theater . This stack and breaker box is located in the left rear corner of the theater . Also along the way , I relocated the water hammer arrestor . This blue device sits between the inside plumbing and the outside inlet . It is charged with pressurized air in one half and water in the other half . It is supposed to stop water hammer ( s ? ) from entering the house and damaging the water heater and other stuff . It was originally inside the equipment room above the server stack . We moved it inside the HVAC / WH closet . You see , I worked on it with the in - laws here late on one evening . When I realized we needed additional fittings , I drove over to BigBlue and found out that they were closed . I asked a clerk in the parking lot why they had closed early . . . as it was only 8 : 30pm . She said they always closed at 8 : 00pm on SUNDAY . . . . I thought it was SATURDAY ( they close at 10 : 00pm on Saturday ) ! I think the thing I hate the most about DIY projects is having to drive to the home improvement store all the darn time . There always seems to be something that you didn 't realize you needed . If you try to be proactive and get extra stuff , you rarely need it . I grew up in a little bitty town of 900 in southwest OK . The nearest lumber yard was 25 miles away . It had a limited inventory and weird hours . I now live in a town of 25 , 000 that has a number of lumber yards and home centers . I 'm 2 miles from HD and BigBlue ( they are across the street from each other ) . Though I 've made more trips to both than I care to admit , I 'm really thankful that I don 't live in that little bitty town I grew up in . I 'd never be able to make progress , cause I 'd always be in the car headed to town ! We planned to do a soffit in the front of the room to hide the HVAC and a large beam . There is a beam in the back of the room that would be hidden as well by a soffit . I was really searching for a way to hide these with some sort of design flair . With 9 ' ceilings in the basement , we have some room to work with ( one of the best upgrades that we purchased when we built the house ) . After countless hours reading threads on this board , I stumbled upon the idea of a tray ceiling in the middle of the theater . I didn 't fully think through the amount of work involved , but that 's were all of the good ones make their mistakes , no ? We are working towards a 10 ' wide AT screen ( estimate ) , with a 2 ' space between the back wall of the theater and the false screen wall . This will house speakers . The RSIC clips that we used to isolate the walls from the joists above were used to suspend the central part of the ceiling from the joists . The sides of the soffits that form the tray ceiling are connected to the walls . Teh walls are decoupled from the joists above , so there 's bound to be a significant reduction of flanking noise . Here 's a photo that I took tonight that shows a few of the clips at work holding up the soffit . I 'm not sure that these are necessary , but I had a few extras and I like to over engineer . Since we were on a roll with the theater tray ceiling , we decided to tackle the soffits . We had a soffit over the storage area to hide a natural gas pipe and to provide design continuity across the main wall of the basement . We also needed to hide a beam and post on the other side of the basement by the door , and build enclose the theater entry marquis . Here 's some photos of the soffit over the storage area . They are only about 12 " tall and 14 " deep . They conceal a black iron natural gas pipe and provide for a clean line across the right side of the basement . They take up a little space but I like to clean look . While we had the particle board out , we enclosed the theater entry marquis . The marquis will consist of a lighted sign over the doorway . It has not been designed yet . . . You look like you know what you are doing with the framing . I 'm looking at a similar type of setup . What would have done if you had a window well / window int he area where you wanted to put the theater ? Is there a way to frame in a window without allowing flanking noise ? Would you have just framed over it ? We didn 't like the way that the french door leading outside opened . It opened right into a support column ( with about 1 . 5 ' clearance ) . When we built the house , the builder offered an option to upgrade to a sliding door for $ 1800 , but they would not install it below grade ( even though my basement is a walkout and the back is above grade ) . We lived with the door for a while and became quite dissatisfied with the way it opened . I made a decision to replace it with a slider . A new subproject was borne ! No framing was required . . . it was just cut the caulking and the 6 large finish nails holding the old door and pull it out . The hardest part of this was figuring out that I needed to order new siding for the back of the house . The old door had a brick mold around it , so the trim was much wider than that around the new door ( both doors are the same size ) . The next morning , I was at big blue ordering a box of siding and some J - channel to go around the new window and the other door that the wife wanted . The wife and I had decided that the corner of the basement was too dark and that it would be nice to add a desk in it . We decided we wanted a window . I made another trip to big blue and we picked up a 33 " x44 " Pella window to match the door and some 2 " x8 " ( the back of the house is framed with 2 " x8 " s ) . This one required framing and major cutting ( it 's always scary cutting a hole to the outside of your house ) . The builder did not use 1 / 2 " sheathing on the outside of the structure , nor did they use a vapor barrier . Their sheathing was an engineered material that was rather thin . I was told they it included an integrated vapor barrier . When I began to work on the back of the house , I decided to wrap the portion that I was working on in Tyvek . I very nearly replaced the sheathing on the entire back of the house , but I quickly talked myself out of it . I purchased a 3 ' tall roll of HouseWrap and wrapped the outside ( from 9 ' down ) . I made sure to tape the edges and seams really well ( thanks Hometime and TOH for the tips ) . To finish the back of the house , we decided to reinstall the 6 ' french door that we removed from the other side of the basement . We wanted another entry and needed more light , so we began to frame the back wall for this new opening . This one was a bit scary , since it was a large opening in a load bearing wall . Installing a 3 ' window didn 't scare me this much , so precautions were the order of the day . I installed temporary bracing the make sure that the back of the house wouldn 't fall in while I was framing the opening . Looking back on it now , it looks as though the temporary bracing was woefully undersized . Hey . . . it didn 't fall in on me , so I did something right . Originally Posted by carboranadum I grew up in a little bitty town of 900 in southwest OK . The nearest lumber yard was 25 miles away . It had a limited inventory and weird hours . I now live in a town of 25 , 000 that has a number of lumber yards and home centers . I 'm 2 miles from HD and BigBlue ( they are across the street from each other ) . Though I 've made more trips to both than I care to admit , I 'm really thankful that I don 't live in that little bitty town I grew up in . I 'd never be able to make progress , cause I 'd always be in the car headed to town ! Very nice work by the way . You seem to be racing out the start after a long , long planning phase . Keep it up ! ! You know I 'll be watching . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . MichaelClick here for my construction thread Thanks for the comments . I 'm following your thread rather closely , and I 'm in awe of the quantity of work that you have bitten off . Our paths are rather similar . There 's no freaking way that I 'm publishing how many runs I 'm making between HD and Lowe 's . The wife is keeping track , and there 's been a sizable abount of money flowing out . Thank God for our involvement in Cub and Boy Scouts . Events in the fall took us away from the theater for nearly 2 . 5 months ( and stopped the bleeding somewhat ) . I 'm trying to get the thread caught up to where I am now . The last post was from work completed in October . I 'm currently working to begin insulation . . . everything else is done , inspected and approved . I 'm hesitating to get started with insulation because I 'm working to install the security cabling , and design a solution for a hush box at the back of the theater . You look like you know what you are doing with the framing . I 'm looking at a similar type of setup . What would have done if you had a window well / window int he area where you wanted to put the theater ? Is there a way to frame in a window without allowing flanking noise ? Would you have just framed over it ? I think he 's talking about the one I quoted . I framed over my windows , but they weren 't egress windows , just casement windows . I would have probably made a removable plug for an egress window . But flanking would not have been the driver in my design , I am not sure how you address that . I know Cathan is putting in egress windows , but I don 't think they are in the theater .
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Judith stood quietly at the bedroom door watching her mother as she began brushing her hair . The mirror was uncovered now and reflecting the exquisite splendor of her beloved mother . Judith admired her mother 's beauty and her long dark chestnut hair . She was a small delicate woman with creamy skin and dark features . When she painted her lips red , her face would suddenly blush with intense color . She looked like one of Judith 's porcelain dolls that had magically come to life . Thankfully , it was morning . The sun was shining brightly through the sheer curtains hanging at the window , highlighting the red against the brown of her hair . Mommy is always happy and dancing around the apartment on days like this , she thought to herself . Judith absentmindedly reached up to touch her own hair , aware of the striking similarities between herself and her mother . She smiled knowing that someday she would look just like her ; exquisitely chiseled features , emerald eyes surrounded by long thick feathery eyelashes , a smile that could stun a crowded room into a silent awe , framed by a glistening chestnut mane of spun silk . Yes , someday she would look just like her mommy . Someday , she would be just like her mommy … Judith hesitated before entering the room . She remembered the red coverlet moving the night before . " Mommy ? " " Judith ! " Amanda jumped , surprised by her daughter 's unannounced presence . Pulling herself together , she put the brush down , turned with a big smile and called Judith to her . " Come sit with me Judith . We 'll brush your hair , put some color on your lips and you 'll look just like Mommy . " She would always talk about herself in the third - person , as if she wasn 't really there . Judith wondered to herself if perhaps this morning mommy and the nighttime mommy were two different people , like the twins who lived down the hall . Danny and Denny were their names . Danny was the nice one . He was Judith 's best friend in the building and he would always let her go first when they played games . Denny wasn 't so nice , he was selfish and such a bad loser . She thought back to that day when they were playing checkers and she had cornered his last piece to win the game . Denny flipped the board over and scattered all the checkers onto the floor . His face had become distorted and red . It scared Judith . The feel of the brush gliding through her hair felt good . Judith liked the way Mommy focused so much love on her when they shared moments like this . " Creepy ? " Amanda 's face twitched . Judith thought she saw a slight change in her mother ; something unnatural and cold . " How do you know they are creepy ? You should be fast asleep young lady , " Amanda scolded , then her expression softened and she smiled at Judith sweetly . Judith was facing her mommy and didn 't see her lips move . Where did that voice come from ? Did Mommy hear it too ? She had to hear it ! The first time I saw your band was when you opened for the Murder Junkies in Ronkonkoma , Long Island . Describe the show and how you got booked . Was this your first time opening for them ? The show was outstanding ! We had a great turnout and the show ran very smoothly . We 've played with Murder Junkies three times now . First time was in Brooklyn at Hank 's Saloon , we were booked by a promoter friend in New York City . The second time was at Evenflow in Bayshore , New York and the third time was the show you attended in Ronkonkoma . The last two times we booked the shows ourselves , we 've been friends with the Murder Junkies guys for a couple years now and when they tour they contact us for a show . Aerik Von and Frank Wood were the promoters for the first show . As far as I know Frank Wood is still booking and promoting bands . Aerik has since moved out of New York City and is pursuing other things . I 've ordered merch from Merle as well as buying it at the shows . Merle is a pro with the merch . One of my favorite memories of seeing Murder Junkies was the first time we played with them . I was standing up front during their set , in the middle of their third song some chick started punching me right in the nose . I pushed her away and she landed on the stage . The Murder Junkies looked at her , shrugged it off , and kept playing without missing a beat . What is the bulk of the merchandise you have bought and ordered from Merle ? Are you mostly collecting clothes / shirts or live shows , DVDs and the like ? Was the GG Allin documentary Hated one of the items you purchased from him ? Never bought a shirt , I 've bought some records from him . I don 't own a copy of Hated but I 've seen it many times . Whenever we have a new member in the band if they haven 't seen Hated we hang out and watch it . What most appealed to you about Hated ? Did you see the material where Merle and Dino were interviewed ? Merle mentions that one magazine listed Hated in the top 25 greatest rock documentaries ( it beat out docs about much bigger bands ) . What most appealed to me about Hated was the raw unadulterated truth of an underground musician / band . What you see is what you get . When Merle said one magazine listed Hated in the top 25 greatest rock documentaries I wasn 't surprised . It 's the most entertaining documentary to watch . Not only would I have wanted to see a performance but I would have liked to open for G . G . Allin . I 've watched a lot of live videos online , although it 's not even close to experiencing the real thing , it 's cool that people nowadays can check out G . G . 's live performances . GG Allin and the Murder Junkies at Beowulf NYC 8 - 31 - 91 was pretty extreme . It 's hard to say which is more extreme than another because I don 't think G . G . ever played a show that wasn 't extreme . Also because what is extreme to one person might not necessarily be extreme to someone else . I think his performances did become more extreme as time went on though . Being in a scum rock band on Long Island really sets you apart from everyone else . Pretty much all the other bands here try to not offend people . We could have taken the easy route and played generic punk or metal but we decided to place ourselves in the middle and put offensive lyrics on top of it . Since we played our first show in February 2012 our fan base has steadily gone up . Initially people came out to see what we would do or how offensive we could be . Now they come out because they enjoy the music . Initially our old drummer and I played in a band together . We played one show and after that the band broke up . From there we started Lÿnch Pigs . Dirty Martinez has been our bassist since 2013 and his first show with us was opening for Murder Junkies . At the time we were playing without a bassist , Dirty was at one of the shows and bought us some drinks . We hit it off and asked him to join . The newest member is Danny Crusher on drums . We met Danny by playing with his other band Jones Crusher . Our old drummer moved away and we still had shows to play so we asked Danny to play . So far it 's worked very nicely , Danny 's a great drummer and brings some fresh ideas to the band . Danny has brought some new life to the band . Before he joined we had been playing the same songs for the past two or three years . Before Danny our songwriting was beginning to get stale , we began writing to a formula . Danny changed all that with his style of playing . We 've been feeling each other out and our different styles have come together . We are writing five new songs with Danny right now that we 'll release as an EP soon . Do you see scum rock getting press in local music papers in Long Island ? How about other parts of New York ? Or would you want to see it receive more press ? Occasionally I 've seen articles on scum rock in New York City but not here on Long Island . Scum rock seems to be one of the musical genres that people need to go out and find on their own . It 's not for everyone and in a way I really like that . It seems to me that there aren 't any casual listeners of scum rock . The interview brushed on a lot of topics ranging from how the band got started to what type of underwear we all wear . Our answers were brief and to the point , if I remember correctly the interview was done by two emails . The first was sent to us with a short list of questions and the next was us sending our answers . After the issue with our interview came out we received a little more attention in New York City . I can 't say it opened doors for us but our draw increased slightly . There is a lot of freedom playing scum rock . We 're not the kind of guys to write love songs but we 'll write a song about anal sex . Someone once told me to write lyrics about what you know . Most of our songs are about sex , drugs , and violence . Deciding to not play something generic always appealed to us . You can hear our influences within the music but we don 't sound exactly like any other band . It 's something we 've always been proud of ; we play something different than what 's going on around . What band were you and your previous drummer involved in before Lynch Pigs ? Did you intend to be a serious band ? Why did they split up that early ? Before Lÿnch Pigs we played in a black / thrash band called Akred . It was a lot of fun but I don 't think it was ever taken too seriously . We split up over a difference of opinion , I wanted to take it more seriously but the other guys didn 't . That 's when we , Jason our previous drummer and I , took off and started working on Lÿnch Pigs . Did Akred plan to release material on CD or play more shows before splitting up ? How many songs did you have altogether ? Where did the band 's only performance take place ? Akred released a four song demo called " Spills & Thrills Rehearsals " . We only made a handful of copies but a couple songs are on Youtube . Altogether we had about eight songs when we split up , we were only together for about six months . The only performance was at The Acheron in Brooklyn . Right now I am focused solely on Lÿnch Pigs . I might in the future form a band that played similar music to Akred , although it 's unlikely . I probably wouldn 't play with the same guys or use the old name . Honestly we thought no one would like it . We were writing lyrics that we thought would offend everyone . We wanted to be the most hated band but it didn 't turn out that way . Lyrically I think we take after The Mentors . We tend to have a comical approach to our lyrics and I think The Mentors do as well . We like a lot of the older bands . Nihilistics are awesome ; I saw them at Revolution a couple years back . Bloody Mess & The Skabs are great ; I was just listening to 6th Grade Field Trip on Youtube the other day . ANTiSEEN kicks ass and has been influential on Lÿnch Pigs especially the album Murder Junkies with G . G . Allin . I started playing guitar when I was fourteen after watching the movie " Detroit Rock City " . I 've always been into more metal or hard rock over punk . Dirty Martinez and Danny Crusher come from a punk background , they both started playing their instruments at thirteen . On Long Island there is us and our friends White Goblin . There might be more but I haven 't heard of them . We 're on a compilation called " Here To Ruin Your Groove Vol . 1 " . It was released by a friend who lives in Germany . All the bands on it are , in my opinion , the best bands out there right now and most are from the East Coast . White Goblin comes out of Long Beach right here on Long Island . They have released two albums but it 's hard to find copies . I was talking to the singer , PJ , the other day and he told me they are getting ready to record their third album . It 's not set in stone yet but we 're supposed to record a split with White Goblin in the near future . We try to play together as much as we can , it 's always party time when we get together . This year we haven 't played out together but we plan on doing a show later in the year . When was the last time you and White Goblin shared a bill and how was that show for both bands ? Where else has Lynch Pigs appeared locally ? Have you had a chance to play outside New York yet ? I believe the last time we played with White Goblin was last year when we opened for Murder Junkies at Even Flow Bar in Bayshore . That was a pretty cool show , we had the bands Filthy Twolips , White Goblin , Urban Waste , Murder Junkies , and us . Overall the show ran smoothly and everyone had a great time . It doesn 't get much better than that . Locally we 've played at The Village Pug in Lindenhurst , Amityville Music Hall , Bubs in Hampton Bays , and a bunch of other venues . Outside of New York we 've played shows in Boston , Massachusetts , Oxford , California , Providence , Rhode Island , Philadelphia , Pennsylvania , Telford , Pennsylvania , Canton , Ohio , Cincinnati , Ohio , St Louis , Missouri and Dunellen , New Jersey . It was a perfect day for a show in the park , we opened and before we even started there was a good size crowd . As we played the crowd grew larger and larger . I couldn 't tell you how many people were there but there was a lot . The weather was beautiful and after the show we went to Otto 's Shrunken Head . We played with Alekhines Gun , Truth In Needles , ( A ) Truth , Miscegenator , and Mongrel Bitch . I remember while we were playing a crazy lady stood right in front of us and kept screwing around with our singer . She danced throughout the whole set and wanted us to keep playing . A year or two ago I saw an article in a newspaper on the lady , She had been crossing the street and got run over and was killed instantly . We met some of the staff when we played Tompkins ; we met them through Chris from Iconicide . At first I wasn 't sure how to react to p . c . Anarchism ; it didn 't make sense to me . Now I have a better understanding of what they are about . I can really appreciate what they are doing , when I misjudged them initially . I reached a better understanding by doing my own research . After meeting some of the staff of The Shadow I eventually went back home and began thinking about it . Not knowing what p . c . anarchism really was and assuming it meant something else really confused me at first . Eventually after seeing what is portrayed in mainstream media compared to what really happened opened my eyes . I 'm not the kind of person to blindly believe everything I 'm told . If you tell me something that I 'm unsure about I will research it . I think that is one of the main problems with our society today , everyone jumps to illegitimate conclusions without first finding out the truth . I read an issue of the paper years ago and can 't recall a specific article . Unfortunately The Shadow is only distributed in New York City , if it were available out here on Long Island I would read it more frequently . We played at Pyramid once back in 2013 with Sexual Suicide . We played in the basement while on the main floor there was a goth party . We never had the opportunity to play at ABC No Rio . We had heard that in order to be booked the staff had to read your lyrics to see if anything offended them , it would have wasted their time and ours . It is unfortunate a lot of clubs had to close down , a lot of them had a following all their own . Now it 's almost solely up to the bands to fill the venues . If you don 't have a following you 're either not going to get booked or even worse might have to do pay to play . Since I 've been in Lÿnch Pigs I 've seen many venues come and go . We used to play at Evenflow Bar and Grill in Bayshore but it closed down earlier this year . Down in North Carolina Tremont Music Hall recently closed down . It 's happening everywhere and doesn 't look to be stopping . Given the opportunity I would have liked to play at Sundance in Bayshore and L ' Amour in Brooklyn . Both of those clubs really stand out in my mind and I 've heard a lot of stories of amazing shows that happened . What label was the first volume of Here To Ruin Your Groove released on ? Did he contact you to ask if you were interested in appearing on the compilation ? Which of your songs is included and do you plan to contribute to future volumes ? Our German friend , Tobi Plumenbohm , released it on his label " Here To Ruin Your Groove Records " . He contacted me a year or two ago and asked if we wanted to be on the compilation . We have two songs , " Road Soda " and " Force It In " . We have no plans on contributing to future volumes . There are a lot of bands out there that really deserve to be heard . I wouldn 't want to take away the opportunity for another band to have their songs released . Initially a lot of people were horrified and some even left the shows , now people sing along . It 's a great feeling to be on stage and see people really digging your music . I remember at one of our shows someone came up to me in the bathroom . They wanted to know if I knew what the band name really stood for . Although the name could be interpreted as hang cops we never took it from that angle . My last name is Lynch so it 's meant to be Lynch 's Pigs but people can interpret it any way they want . We 've been plagued with lineup changes , so far we 've had eight lineup changes . Dirty Martinez has been in the band since February 2013 and Danny Crusher joined us in January of this year . We just parted ways with our singer , Jesse Omega , and now Dirty and I will be singing the songs . I saw a promotional video the band made for your song Lynch Daddies . Who were the dancers appearing in the video ? Does the clip represent the usual kind of show by Lynch Pigs ? The dancers were Omega Girls . Our previous singer , Jesse Omega is a well - known promoter here and he had go - go dancers at all his shows . Most of them were found at strip clubs here on Long Island . When Jesse was in the band he had dancers at every show we played , but in the end it didn 't work out . The girls wanted to be paid and at most of the shows we weren 't making any money . Besides the spaghetti wrestling and dancers , the clip represents a typical Lÿnch Pigs show here on Long Island . There isn 't one show that stands out as being the sleaziest or most extreme . For the most part there are situations that have happened at shows that were extreme or sleazy . One instance was when we played Providence , Rhode Island . While we were playing one of the bartenders brought a bottle of liquor on stage and proceeded to pour it down our throats . It 's not as easy as it looks to play a song while having someone pour alcohol down your throat . After our set we met some chick , we ended up with her in our van and everyone got a turn . While this was going on her boyfriend was walking around looking for her . Last time we played Blackthorn in Queens our set was cut short . After about four songs I took my guitar off and tossed it at the drummer . I wasn 't mad , I was really high and drunk and just felt like it . I went and got my guitar and told him it wasn 't personal . He laughed and I walked to the front of the stage and gave everyone the finger . Immediately security came out and the sound guy unplugged my amp . The crowd wanted us to keep playing but Blackthorn took it upon themselves to shut everything down . We decided we don 't have to play there ever again . We didn 't have an official demo in the beginning . When I joined the band all the songs for the first album , Cheap Sleaze , had been written . The reviews were mixed , some people really liked it while some really hated it . There was only one written review and it was on the internet . There wasn 't any distribution for the first album ; we sold them at shows or from our online store . We began writing new songs when Jesse Omega joined the band . I came up with the music and titles for the songs , from there we would all have a say in the lyrics . The two EPs we recorded , Livin ' Dirty and Forced Entry , are the songs most of our fans know . We 've had a much better response from those then we did on our first album . We have sold more through our online store . We get orders from all over the place , recently I shipped packages to Germany and Norway . I 've shipped merch pretty much all over the United States but a lot of the orders come from down south . In the U . S . we offer free shipping but anywhere else in the world we have to charge shipping . Currently we 're looking into European distros to try to alleviate the shipping costs . We haven 't contacted any distros yet . I 've been in contact with a couple people who live in Europe and are fans of the band . They are sniffing around to see what they can find . As soon as we have compiled a list of potential distros we 'll begin contacting them and see what we can come up with . We still have copies of Cheap Sleaze on CD and vinyl . We always have a couple copies with us at shows and it can be ordered from our online store . The songs on Cheap Sleaze are Hellhounds Of Rock " N ' Roll , Hellbent For Tobacco , D . W . F . , Earn My Love , Do Your Damn Job , Titanium Cobra , The Seven Day Itch , Dine ' N ' Ditch , Knee Deep In Pussy , and Bang In The Bathroom . On the cd version there are two bonus tracks called Lookin ' Ain 't Touchin ' and P . C . Cunt . We occasionally play Knee Deep In Pussy and Hellbent For Tobacco , the rest of the songs we haven 't played in probably three years . If you listen to Cheap Sleaze and then put on either of the two EPs it sounds like two different bands . 90 percent of Cheap Sleaze was written by our old drummer before I even joined , at that point there wasn 't a band but more of an idea for a band . Our old drummer made almost all the decisions regarding the album , beyond writing the songs he also came up with the cover and layout . Cheap Sleaze was his project ; the rest of us went along for the ride . It worked out nicely in the beginning because we didn 't have to spend time writing , we learned the songs and began playing out . When we recorded the EPs the whole band was involved in writing . I would come up with a riff and bring it to practice , if everyone liked it we would write a song around it . Instead of going to a studio we recorded it ourselves at our practice space . Everything was done in single tracks and mixed later on . By doing this we got a raw sound instead of a polished sound like on Cheap Sleaze . We 're a sleazy , down and dirty rock n roll band and the raw sound suited us better . There are differences in lyrical content as well , a lot of people find it hard to relate to anything on Cheap Sleaze . With the EPs the lyrics were a little more real while still being comical . What are the band 's favorite songs from Livin ' Dirty and Forced Entry ? If you are writing songs for your next release , how will they be improvements from your present material ? How soon do you expect to release something new ? Some of our favorites from those releases are Lard Makes Me Hard , Road Soda , Random Acts Of Violence , and Learn English . Each of those songs sound different than the others and we have fun playing them . We have the music part for a new EP almost finished and we 're working on lyrics . By having us sing the songs instead of a lead singer it 's forcing us to put more thought into what we are doing . In a way it is pushing us to improve individually because we aren 't going to write easier guitar or bass parts just so we can sing at the same time . We are planning on beginning to record the new songs for an EP in about a month , it should be ready by November when we go on our east coast tour . We are also working on our second album which should be released next year . The upcoming EP is going to be recorded in our practice space . Our second album is being recorded at Zenith Studios in Rocky Point by our friend Michael Gatto . Both will be available on our bandcamp and from our online store . The album will also be available on Itunes , Amazon , and Spotify . We 'll be hitting the road after the album is released to promote in as many places we can as well as having online promotion . The songs seem to clock in at around a minute or so , but besides the old school punk sensibilities , there 's a lot involved … great riffage excellent song progressions and some really cool chorus … . and some hellish double kick and blast beats . The songs don 't get boring and are always entertaining . This is one angry band and you can hear it ! I 'm loving the vocals too , great projection and a seriously deathly voice that combines a lot of my favourite death metal vocalists . The guys aren 't novices having formed in 2008 and 2106 being the year of their first release , these guys have obviously put in a lot of work to master the art of grinding and it shows . I really can 't think of anything that would make this better ! It is great the way it is and I honestly think the lads are onto something great . . . . do yourself a favour and check them out ! I see big things ahead of them if they stick to it . The decision to be a cover band for me was that my " rock star " dreams were over long ago , but the desire to still perform for people wasn 't . When you put years into something that just fizzles it 's a bit disheartening . In the meantime you have to eat and put a roof over your head . And for some people a " job " turns into a career and you invest so much that after time it isn 't logical to give it up to chase a dream . I admire any original band that goes out and sleeps in a van going from town to town for a show . That 's really what rock n roll is , Elvis did it . The Beatles did it . For guys like Lemmy that was his whole life . He gave his whole life to rock n roll and his fans . And in the end when he was very ill he kept going . So for us being a cover band the way we say thank you to the ones who gave so much for music . When we formed we never sat down with a list of songs to do . We started just choosing who we wanted to cover and who we didn 't . We chose really to stay in a range from the ' 70 's and ' 80 's and pick bands from that period . We do reach back to some ' 60 's stuff but mainly it was the period stated . We chose songs that we hope people like as much as we do but are also fun and / or challenging for us to play . My desire to perform has never waned . For me it 's the feeling of satisfaction I get that people have chosen to see an Acme Dynamite show over another band or movie or what have you , and I want them to feel that it was a good choice . That 's also why an Acme show isn 't just four people playing , it 's also the visuals we 've incorporated into our show . We have the lights , smoke and a video screen to enhance our performance . I have a tablet to run the backing tracks , but I also have sound bites and intros to kill the dead space between a song . I want to see and hear people having a good time , that 's why I never gave up on playing music . I 'll never tour the world . I 'll never write a hit song . I 'll never get a Grammy ( thank God ) . But I don 't care . Come see and enjoy us ; that 's my gold record . I don 't listen much to the radio . When I do it 's probably because someone else has it on . New York radio has the " classic rock " station , whose call letters I won 't mention . They 've been the same for decades which is cool , but they never mix it up . And they seem to have some fanatical devotion to Bruce Springsteen which I can 't understand . Plus being a Long Islander , Billy Joel is always on . I 'm not a fan of his , but I respect him . He 's done good things for the communities out here . We also have The Shark out here , I don 't know the station number . My kid listens to them , they play some cool stuff . Some of the newer , radio friendly metal like System Of A Down and Disturbed plus classic metal like Black Sabbath and Metallica . They don 't play much Motorhead . And way too much Guns ' N ' Roses . Then there are the commercial stations that the same ten songs every hour . Whatever is on the charts this week . I think WCBS , the oldies station is still going . Radio on Long Island , I must say really has diversified through the years . Now there 's Latin , hip - hop and alternative where there used to be mostly commercial . I know what you mean about radio stations that play the same songs again and again . Lately there have been internet radio stations that play more unsigned bands and have more diverse play lists . Have you heard any of these ? I know of internet radio but I don 't know anything about them . I 'm sure there 's lots of unsigned and independent bands of every genre on the stations . I really haven 't explored it though . Band names are the hardest part of a band . You need to kind of describe yourself but not type yourself at the same time . And we wanted a name that would tap into a person 's psyche . Something to stir people 's imagination . And we couldn 't think of any , ha ha . Truthfully , we didn 't really put too much focus on a name when we were working on our song list . We were still trying to figure out if we were going to be a five piece band with Steve playing second guitar . Then when we got to the name point Robert said Acme Dynamite . And it was kind of a no brainer . Steve and I watched Looney Tunes together as kids . Heather did . Robert did . We were all fans of the old cartoons . I even have an animation cell of 50 Looney Tunes characters call " Looney Lineup " . The video we run during shows has clips of the Coyote getting blown up by good old Acme brand dynamite . So we went with it . Our Facebook page has pictures and clips from those cartoons . There was always certain songs that each member wants to play . Generally we try to stay away from the most popular song by a band . When it came to choosing Led Zeppelin songs , we didn 't want to do the " tried and true " ones like Good Times , Bad Times or Black Dog . So we chose ones like What Is And What Should Never Be . But Heather really wanted to do Ten Years Gone . Robert is big into bands like Deep Purple . Everyone who does Deep Purple chooses Smoke On The Water . So we did but we weren 't happy with how we played it , so he suggested Highway Star . But Robert likes most songs to sound like the record , and through the magic of his guitar processor and the fact that he is a really great player , he does the John Lord keyboard solos complete with the Leslie sound . The one band Steve requested we do is Kings X . On the list to learn for a future date is Over My Head . As for myself , the one song I always wanted to do was The Who 's Won 't Get Fooled Again . Robert was able to get the backing tracks for it and we learned . It really is a fun song to play because what drummer doesn 't love to play Keith Moon ? It took a little work but it 's now a regular in our set . Each member gives as much input as possible when it comes to choosing what songs we want to cover , not just the choices of songs but how we play them . A very big part of our performing a song is trying to replicate the sound . We decided to do Paranoid by Black Sabbath . But how we chose to perform it was as close to the original recording as possible . Robert was set on not overplaying it . He wanted to stay away from the versions that Ozzy 's guitar players have always done . The same with Ozzy 's I Don 't Know . The sound he uses is identical to the Blizzard Of Ozz recording . There are also songs we do that fade out , so you have to come up with an ending . Someone will throw out an idea and we take it from there . The most challenging song to play onstage so far has been Won 't Get Fooled Again . The keyboard track goes through the entire song . Keeping the time isn 't the hard part . It 's remembering how many measures certain parts of the song are . We are going to perform Cult Of Personality by Living Colour at the next show . I recently wrote a backing track for it complete with the JFK and FDR quotes . That should be a challenge because of the intricacies of the guitar and bass lines . But our confidence in each other is high and were sure we will rock it . May favorite character has to be Foghorn Leghorn . He 's what I 'd call a " shit stirrer " . He 's never happy unless he 's causes a problem messing with the dog . I also liked Pete Puma . That 's the cartoon with the " How many lumps do ya want ? " I believe it 's called Rabbits Kin . That was the only cartoon with him but it 's one of my favorites . Those cartoons were classics and a big part of my childhood . It didn 't take long to incorporate it into the band 's persona . Various advertising flyers I made have contained a Looney Toons character . The intro we use onstage has Looney Toons music as well . I can 't really say what the reaction to the Looney Tunes stuff in the actual show , I more or less look at the whole . We 've posted and others have posted Youtube clips on our page . Those get a good reaction from folks . We 've played mainly Nassau and Queens . Our main gig is at Suite 1828 in Merrick . They treat us well and have a great sound system . We 've also played in Suffolk , Brooklyn and Manhattan . We were fortunate enough to play Trash Bar before they closed . Our last Queens show was The Shillelagh in Astoria , for the owner Rusty 's birthday . The crowd there went crazy for the old school metal we played that night . Astoria knows how to rock . How do you see the tribute bands that have appeared on Long Island over the last decade ? Do you see them as having nostalgic value or do they take away from original bands ? Tribute bands ? Can 't stand them ! The only one I 've seen that was worth watching was the cast of Beatlemania . And if you 're a Beatles tribute band and your McCartney doesn 't play lefty then it 's not a Beatle tribute band in my eyes . Plus I can 't see why there would be a tribute band for a band still together . But that 's just my opinion , so I hope no one in a tribute band will dislike me for that . As far as taking away from original bands I don 't think they are . I think it depends on the venue . Some places do want original bands because they feel there 's no draw . Keep in mind every club that relies on live music wants bands that fill their place , but if you have no one there spending money , you don 't get asked back . We would like to play around the tri - state area ( NY , NJ and CT ) as long as it doesn 't cost us a lot of money to travel . We don 't do this for the money , but we don 't want to lose money either . I 'd like to play some of the biker rallies like Sturgis or Daytona . Being that the band has a female vocalist , are your audiences surprised that she handles songs originally sung by male vocalists or does it not matter either way ? It don 't think it surprises people at all that all of our songs are male vocalist songs . I think we had four songs by female artists , and we haven 't done any of them in a while . We play what we think people will like and what we enjoy playing . We 're not going to play , say , " Hit Me With Your Best Shot " simply because we have a female singer . Heather doesn 't want to do that . We want people to hear us do something they haven 't seen other bands do : songs everyone else does . Heather and I go way back . And we were both Metalheads growing up , so for her to sing songs she doesn 't like is counterproductive . I 've known Heather a long time . If I said how long it clue you into how old we really are as opposed to how old we act , ha ha . I 'm not sure she 'd want me to tell her age to the readers . But put it this way , there weren 't cell phones when we were kids . We met through Steve . Heather 's parents lived a few blocks from my aunt and uncle , and I met her one day and we became friends . We used to hang out all the time . She remembers way more of those times than I do , but I always remember the time that an elderly woman asked if we were sisters . Heather is a good soul . She 's got a great sense of humor too . The time we had reconnected was around the time my last band split up . She was looking for a new project as well . I was always convinced that she could sing . Then when we had the first jam with Robert , her ability was beyond my expectations . There was a real positive vibe going in because I hadn 't seen either one in quite a while . When I spoke to Robert he told me songs he knew and I either knew or could fake , which I passed on to Heather . Even though Robert and I played in Vasaria , he wasn 't at heart a death metal player . So he brought like two guitars , E and E flat tunings , and we did some Ozzy , Sabbath , Van Halen and Zeppelin . I think we messed with " Wicked World " , " War Pigs " and " I Don 't Know " . I can 't remember what else , but we did quite a few . Heather either new most of the lyrics or knew none of the lyrics , but knew the song . And the three of us played what we knew or knew a sizable portion of , and critiqued it or pointed out a part we missed . And from there we got a base eight or ten songs to start with . There was supposed to be a bassist I met online , but he never showed . Female singers in metal haven 't really come far at all in my opinion . They will never be appreciated for their talent as long as marketing dictates appearance . Mainstream music has produce a dumpster full of Katy Perry 's and Miley Cyrus 's that true talent gets over shadowed . People didn 't care as much about Amy Winehouse 's music as they did her drug problem . Metal will always be the ugly step - sister of music . You 'll never see Doro performing the Super Bowl halftime show . Amy Lee won 't be plugging Revlon . Nightwish , Lacuna Coil , Baby Metal , their music can 't sell cars or cell phones or shit people in America buy . Metal has always had a bad rap and always will . Even mainstream artists like Christina Aguilera were always image first , and she 's a very talented singer . Appearance will always be everything . Substance being important is kind of a double edged sword . Venom we horrible when they released " Welcome to Hell " . Abaddon had no sense of timing , and Cronos was no McCartney . But the album is a metal classic . The songs , while not performed the best they might have been , were what metal was in those days . And Venom 's live shows were unmatched but the talent didn 't back up the show . All the first bands from that first onslaught of the European death metal were like that . The first Celtic Frost album , the first Sodom album , they weren 't the greatest musicians , but the songs fit their persona and the bands got musically better from that point . And as you well know , Celtic Frost 's " Monotheist " is in my opinion the greatest metal album ever . But then you take Metallica . The first three albums were so great , then when Cliff died , I felt the song writing declined , even though their popularity soared . I can listen to the Cliff albums first song to last song every day , but everything after that has one , two or three really great , standout tracks and the rest are mediocre . And don 't get me wrong , song writing is really hard , but a band 's album should contain its best material . And the other side is that bands that were innovative have to keep pushing that innovation . A great example is Tool . The songs like " Prison Sex " and " H . " are dark and complex but later their songs while still dark and complex are also long . Too long sometimes . Like they were overreaching . The new album they 're releasing , every song is twelve minutes plus . Bands like Motorhead , iron Maiden , Judas Priest , AC / DC , Black Sabbath all stood the test of time because of the substance of the material , but also because of the sad state of music today people , hold on to these bands because they 're tried and true . So in answer to your question , I don 't think longevity and stage presence necessarily go hand and hand . I think the metal genre has enjoyed such longevity because of the dark and rebellious nature of the music itself . It 's always been nonconformisI 've noticed a lot more media spin surrounding pop and metal . How much does this take attention from music ? The media attention surrounding pop music is so ridiculous . The big news is whether Taylor Swift is fighting with Kanye or Miley Cyrus with a strap - on or Justin Bieber 's new tattoo . It 's stupid . With metal it 's usually negative press . Marilyn Manson was always the biggest target . Rammstein too . The music press never gave a shit about Lemmy until he died . Jeff Hanneman of Slayer died and got even less press . American media has always pissed on metal and punk . The Ramones are revered as American heroes after they all died , but they were shunned when they were still recording and touring , even in New York . The media drools over everything Beyoncé says , and she is such a hypocrite . She gets all this police protection at her shows and then says she doesn 't trust the police . She donates to Black Lives Matter but prices her tickets so high only rich white people can afford to see her . Social media has been very instrumental in getting attention for bands . The world is so small now . The days of " stumbling " upon a band are past . It 's like when Beavis and Butthead came out and brought attention to White Zombie . I don 't see the internet hindering groups , groups only hinder themselves in certain actions and opinions . There are some things people should keep to themselves . I have my opinions on politics and social issues . I might express them through my own social media pages , but never through the bands . I did it once when I expressed my opinion on tribute bands , Robert viewed it as alienating people , so I removed it . I never want to hear celebrities ' opinions , I feel that most millionaire actors and musicians live in a fantasy world where just because they have fame , their opinion is right and only right . I do like when celebrities do stand up for military personnel , law enforcement and veterans . America is the freest country in the world and freedom of expression is a person 's right , but I don 't need Bono telling me how to live my life . It 's the same with CBGB . The mainstream press virtually ignored the club while it was open , but when the BRC was forcing it to close the blurbs were plastered all over the internet . Then that crappy movie was released in 2013 and was slammed as cheap exploitative schlock by people who had actually attended the club . If you saw the movie , what did you think of it ? I did not see the CBGB 's movie , and I 'm not really sure why there was a need for one . Your own experiences there are YOUR movie , not some writer 's version of it . I remember seeing Carnivore and Scraping Feotus Off The Wheel there . I had played there with C . O . M . A . , Shove It and Vasaria . I couldn 't help but feel I was on hallowed ground . The greatest sound system inside the dirtiest club ( laughs ) . The impact CBGB had on music history is undeniable . Not just being the birthplace of Ramones and Blondie and Talking Heads , it was the site of The Police 's first American gig . It 's a shame that it had to close , Hill gave a lot of New York bands a chance when other clubs wouldn 't . Would Acme Dynamite ever plan to record a full length CD of the covers you play ? Would you rent a professional studio or use your own equipment ? How about a live CD or DVD perhaps ? I couldn 't see Acme going into a studio to record an album of covers . We 're not a famous band . Plus when big bands do a remake , they do it in their vein . Out of the music we play , we to replicate the sound from the record . As for a live CD or DVD , I could see us doing that . We have had some material filmed , they 're on Youtube and Facebook as well as our web page .
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OK , I know my last trip was a little sappy and little emotional . Sorry about that ! Well , no , not really . I 'm not sorry , that post means a lot to me , and I 'm glad I documented my childhood home and have that to look back on and to one day show my children and grandchildren . But , lest you think I spent my whole trip weeping about my childhood and waxing nostalgic about the past , I didn 't . We actually had a great trip and got to do a ton of fun stuff . We tend to visit Reno in the winter months , and it 's a whole different ballgame in the summer . There is so much to do , and we tried to to all of it ! I hope your ready to look at a whole lot of pictures ! ! ! First , let 's just recognize that Nevada is the gambling state . It 's what we are know for . And apparently even my 8 month old felt the call of gambling , although I 'm not sure what this game is called ! The weather was pretty much perfect while we were there . Warm but not hot . ( Well , maybe it was hot to the people in Reno , but when you 're used to 115 in the summer it was practically cool ! ) The nights were perfect for sleeping with windows open and the days were perfect for park dates and eating on patios . We took the kids up to Rancho San Rafeal Park , which has been there since I was little . It 's huge , although over the years they have slowly started closing down parts of it . It 's a little sad that a lot of the stuff from when I was little is gone , but it 's still a great park with tons of play structure , huge grassy areas to run around , and the Dinosaur Park , which is always a hit ! We also took the kids down to the river . The Truckee River pretty much runs through Reno ( I don 't know where it comes from or where it goes … . geography is not my forte ! ) and most importantly it pretty much run right in front of my parents house . This is literally a three minute walk from my parents front door and where I spent all me time running around as a kid ! It 's pretty darn beautiful , right ? The boys absolutely loved it , and it made me wish I could take them there everyday ! And , in the spirit of vacation and reliving my childhood and I guess just being " cool " parents for one day , we allowed the boys to strip down to underwear and diapers and play in the river to there hearts content ! A little too cold for me , but the were in heaven and L told me it was " just like bathwater ! " My favorite day was our Lake Tahoe Day . S has never been in the summer , and it 's really pretty amazing . I mean , not only is it one of the most beautiful places on earth ( Truly ) it 's less than an hour away and it 's perfect for a short little day trip . When we first got there our " Arizona - ness " was showing big time . Windy and 69 degrees is really cold for us these days ! Thankfully the wind died down and it warmed up and we all had a great time ! My parents even came up and joined us for the day ! I was surprised L went in the water as much as he did ( Tahoe water is really cold ! ) and I was slightly even more surprise when L2 ventured down to the waters edge and was playing in it ( He has been pretty anti - swimming , anti - pool , anti - water these days ! ) and best of all , R loved it ! ! ! None of the other boys have wanted anything to do with sand when they were babies and we took them to the beach , but R was all about it . He was crawling everywhere and chasing geese and burrowing down in the sand . He was also pretty intent on trying to eat the sand , but mean mommy wouldn 't let him ! We were in town for Art town , which is a really cool event that Reno does every summer . It 's actually a ton of different event ranging from food stuff to music to festivals to plays … it 's cool . We didn 't have time to do a lot ( and we missed the wine walk , I was so bummed ! ) but we did make it out for a the family night which had a few small booths and then a great musical act which did a bunch of different kid songs ! One of the main places that the Art Town events take place at is a nice park downtown that is right on the river . It is also right across the street from the old church who 's basement once housed my kindergarten . I love this old building , and even though the school has long since changed locations I had to get a picture of my two big boys on the steps where I once took school pictures . Those were the big things we fit in on the this trip , spending lots of time as a family and with the kids , but S and I also managed to sneak away for a date night and we got t see quite a few of my old friends . For our date night we went to one of the casinos and tried our hand at gambling ( we lost ! ) and then went to dinner and a local bar . We were home by 10 : 30 , but it was still nice to have some time alone with no kiddos ! We also managed to see quite a few of my friends , which of course I have no pictures of ! Sometimes you just get caught up in the catching up and pulling out your phone or camera is the last thing on your mind ! I did manage to snap of few pics of R and his future girlfriend T , who is my best friends little girl . It was hilarious to watch them play … . R is such a boy and made her cry about 5 times by playing too rough , but then she totally retailed and bit him . We were all dying laughing , it was pretty funny to watch them interact ! And , now we 're home ! It was such a wonderful trip and I truly didn 't want to leave . It also reinforce with me that I would love to move back to Reno if we can figure out a way to make it happen . But all good things must end , and now we are back home , getting back into routine and gearing up for some changes around here as the school year starts ! Sorry I 've been MIA , but this last week has been pretty crazy for me . About a month ago my parents let me know that they were planning on putting their ( our ) house on the market . The house I grew up in . We moved in when I was two and I never knew another place as home when I was growing up . I was upset when they told me they were thinking about selling , but I honestly didn 't put too much stock in it . They have said they were going to sell many times over the years , and they never do it . They usually end up just doing some kind of renovation on the house . Imagine my surprise when they actually called and told me they had listed it … . . and imagine my surprise / despair / sadness when four days later they called to tell me it had sold . I understand it 's what works for them right now . It 's a good time to sell , they want to retire and they want to be able to travel more and spend more time with the kids and grandkids . It was a big house for just the two of them , and it was also a half acre lot that required a lot of upkeep . I understand all that . I do . But it doesn 't change the fact that this is my home . It the place I have always know I can come back to . It 's a beautiful house . My parents have put a ton into it over the last thirty years . I have actually lived in three of the four bedrooms , starting from when I was two and ending when I was 18 , graduated high school , and moved out . I had my first drink ( gin , stolen from my parents liquor cabinet ) in this house . When I was about 6 I wrote on my wallpaper " this is Leah 's room and always will be " and subsequently spent a Sunday morning scrubbing it off . I had my first heartbreak in that house . This has always been my home … . and I 'd be lying if I said I wasn 't a little devastated at the thought of not being able to go back there . Anyway , they told me it sold last Friday . We had originally had a trip planned to Reno for Labor Day weekend , but the closing date for the house is September 1st . Fist of all , I didn 't want to come to Reno when they were in the process of moving ( they are getting a rental for a year while they figure out what their next move it ) and second , I wanted … no I needed … . . to go home again . I needed a chance to say goodbye to they place that has been a part of who I am since before I can remember . We scrambled and rearranged schedules and hopped in the car early Friday morning , drove eleven hours , and were there . It was a long drive and a hectic week , but we made it happen . We got to work first thing on Saturday morning , helping my parents set up a garage sale . This was emotional for me , and made it all the more real that this was really happening , but it was good for me to be able to focus on a job . We set stuff our for two days and watched as people came in to give new life to things we had deemed as junk . There was a whole shelf of stuffed animals from my childhood , and I pretty much gave them away to every child who came through , as long as they promised me to give them a good home . I remember trolling garage sales when I was a little kid and coming home with all kinds of treasure , and I can only hope that I made some kids happy and they will create new memories with my old toys . I could go on for hours about this house . I love it . I love the neighborhood . I love our neighbors , who have also lived there for as long as I have . That 's the kind of neighborhood it is . People move in and they stay . The kids I babysat for family still lives to the right of my parents , and the neighbors to the left have been my parents best friends since they moved in twenty eight years ago . They are like family . They are family . The lady across the street has been their forever , I remember watching her daughter get married in their front yard when I was about 8 . You can walk down to the river in less then three minutes . The elementary school is about five minutes away . Their is a local coffee shop and a wine shop , both within walking distance . Wherever you go their are people walking their dogs , or running , or riding bikes and they always wave hello . One day this week , when we driving out of the neighborhood we saw a mama deer and her baby frolicking throughout the yards . It 's that kind of neighborhood . It 's my neighborhood . The two pictures above were the last bedroom I lived in . Obviously it looks quite a bit different from when I was there . When I lived there the walls were papered with teen magazine cutouts of N ' sync and backstreet boys and Brad Pitt . I had bulletin boards with pictures of friends and soccer trophies and candles and pictures frames . You couldn 't see the carpet because it was always littered with clothes . It took my parents about a hot minute after I moved out to clean it up , take down Brad , Justin , and the rest of the boys and make it a proper guest room . And I was OK with that , because it was still my room . I know I get to see my two little boys sleeping in there and it makes my heart feel full . Even if L is the strangest sleeper ever ! ( Yes , that 's him with his feet on the wall , and yes , he 's fast asleep ! ) This is our Christmas tree room . It 's the room we weren 't allowed to have food in when I was a kid . It was kind of my mom 's room , where she read and drank her tea . I 've always been in love with the fireplace , even though I don 't ever remember lighting it in this room . This room is now the office , but before I big remodel when I was about ten it was my room . It as my first room in this house . My parents let my put up pink wall paper that head teddy bears and heart on it . It had a Semi walk in closet with a shelf and a light and it was the perfect place to play house . This is the room where I wrote on the wall . Our Kitchen and dining room . What can I even say . Family breakfast , Christmas and Thanksgiving dinners . My mom used to make me sit at the kitchen table and do my homework so she could make sure I wasn 't messing around . I ate breakfast every school morning that I can remember at that kitchen counter . When I was 16 we were having a family dinner at that table and my Grandma spilled the beans that I had gotten my belly button pierced . This room is probably where I spent most of my time , besides my bedroom . Our family room . The fireplace is now gas , but years ago it was wood burning . I spent many a night laying in front of that fire place reading or watching TV . This is the room where my Dad introduced my to my puppy Sabra . I still remember her running and romping around the room . ( Sabra died a few years ago . ) The Bar , which all my friends thought was so cool . I remember eating pizza up there with my brother when I was in second grade . I remember stealing liquor and refilling up the bottles with water when I was in high school . When I was in fourth grade we used to have dance parties in the room with our close family friends and our neighbors , the adults drinking wine while the kids put on elaborate shows . And our backyard . Really , you couldn 't ask for a more beautiful backyard . My parents have put so much work into over the years . The patio and fire pit are fairly new , it used to be just a huge expanse of lawn , surrounded by garden and old trees . And it was a lot of lawn . My parents made me mow it about three times before they decided that listening to me complain just wasn 't worth it . There used to be an awesome two story tree house in the corner , with a ladder to get up and a slide to get down . It was so cool . My parents tore it down a few years after I graduated , but I have amazing memories of it . When I was growing up we had an in - ground hot tub on the old part of the patio . I spent hours and hours in it . Again , after I left it didn 't get used much and they filled it in , but the memories of it are there . The back of the yard is all old trees and we used to play all kinds of games back there . I 'm sure there is all kinds of " buried treasure " from me and my friends scattered throughout the yard . The tree in the first picture is an apple tree . It 's L 's favorite thing about the house now , he always goes out and pics tons of apples to eat . He doesn 't even care if they are sour , he thinks it 's so cool to be able to pick them himself . OK , I think that 's it for the house tour . Like I said , I could go on and on . Twenty eight years of memories and experiences is definitely too much for one blog post . And I 'm sure this is probably one of the most boring posts for people to read , but I think it will probably be one of the most important ones to me on this blog . I 'm not going to lie , I " m sad . Like really sad . I just can 't even imagine what it will be like the next time we go home … . . but we don 't go home . I cried a lot this trip , and I think I " ll probably be sad for awhile . But , the most important thing is the memories that I have , and hopefully the memories that L and L2 will have . R is too young to remember this place , but we have pictures and stories and I will always be able to tell them about where mommy grew up and show them that they were there . I 'll leave you with a few last photos , and I promise that there will be another post coming soon . Although it was a sad trip , it was also an amazing trip and we did a lot of fun things ! That post coming soon , I promise ! And finally , these last photos in front of my home . It was the night before we left , and it 's probably the last photos I will have of this house . I 'm glad and grateful to S that he took the time to take all these , because I look forward to the days when I 'll be able to go through them with the kids … . and maybe even my grandkids … . and tell them about there mommy grew up .
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