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I didn 't do nearly as much writing as I wanted to this year , but I learned a lot about the craft , networking , and critiquing . Learning how to tear apart someone else 's story makes me a better writer in the end when I do the same for myself . Connecting with other writers has also helped encourage me and taught me so much . You guys are the greatest ! Goal # 1 : I want to get back to writing one short story a month and submitting it . I did this for a few years before my son was born , but I lost a lot of momentum when I had a newborn to care for . This will also mean I will have one new short story to present to my CPs and writers ' group every month . My lessons in critiquing will continue . Goal # 2 : Try to get one short story polished to such a degree that it is published in a SFWA approved publication . This is a very difficult thing to do . I want it , though . I want it so much . It will take work , work , and more work , and whole load of originality and great storytelling . Goal # 3 : Revise and submit three of my paranormal romances : Witch 's First Rule ( mainstream adult paranormal romance ) , A Lion 's Heart ( erotic paranormal romance ) , and Sorrow Phage ( urban fantasy with a romantic subplot ) . It 's going to take a lot of time . Revising is one of my least favorite things to do . Yet marketing it properly when I submit a novel is something I like even less . I will take my lessons learn and apply them , and hopefully * knock on wood * I 'll have a novel with a wonderful press next year . Goal # 4 : Complete the A to Z Blogging Challenge in April . I 'm very excited about this challenge . I think I might do a story that covers all 26 days . The tricky part will be making it apply to each letter . I also realized that April will be a hectic month for me . My son 's and husband 's birthdays , and we 'll be visiting my family in Canada for a week . I 'll have to make sure my blog posts are written beforehand . The generous Nicole Zoltack has put out the offer of critiques . All you have to do is follow her blog ! You can choose a query , synopsis or first page critique . Just email her one of the above . First come , first serve ! Thank you , Nicole ! Posted by It 's not typical in adult paranormal romances , but sometimes we do come across the virgin heroine . She might be successful at everything else in her life , but love has always eluded her and she 's not one to just sleep around . It allows an innocence and newness to the romance , drawing the reader along as she meets a mysterious and gorgeous individual whom she can 't stop hungering for . I prefer an experienced heroine , but I don 't mind a virgin as long as she is well written . No one knows exactly what to do the first time around . No one has multiple orgasms the first time , nor after a minute or two in bed with her lover . Be realistic . The loss of her virginity would be a big emotional scene , a turning point in her identity . Not only in how she sees herself , but how others see her . The hero 's realization that she 's a virgin can also be a pivotal point . And the villain 's if it is important to their evil plot ! I 've heard the argument that an inexperienced heroine and a very experienced hero creates inequality in romance novels . Sometimes women do fantasize about being taken by a lover who knows exactly what to do . It 's about surrendering , giving yourself , and all the emotions that go with it . It 's becoming less common to find a virgin heroine and a promiscuous hero falling for one another , but the fantasy still attracts readers . Also , there is a rise in promiscuous heroines who are more experienced than the men . A few times , more so in YA than in adult books , the heroine and hero will both be virgins . Please join me in welcoming short story writer and poet , James Dorr to my blog . He contacted me after we both got a short horror story accepted into the Indiana Horror Anthology 2011 and extended an invitation to me to join his writers ' group , S . C . I . F . I . - South Central Indiana Fiction Interface . He 's tough with his critiques , but I prefer it that way . I 've learned a lot from him in the group . Christine : I understand you 've just published a book of poetry about vampires . Vampires seem to hold a lot of fascination for other people too . What do you think the fascination is based on ? James : Yes , Vamps ( A Retrospective ) was published by Sam 's Dot Publishing ( http : / / sdpbookstore . com / poetrybooks . htm # vamps ) this August . The fascination with vampires seems to be universal , stories go back to at least ancient Rome , and most cultures seem to have some variation on the myth . But why shouldn 't it be ? Vampires represent the nexus between sex and death , birth and rebirth , or in Freudian terms eros and thanatos . And who of us can say that these aren 't our favorite subjects , at least at times ? Last year you had a Christmas story , " The Christmas Vulture , " in the ezine Untied Shoelaces of the Mind ( reprinted this September in their 2011 Anthology ) . Do you write a holiday story every Christmas and , if so , what can we expect this year ? Another favorite subject , at least in Western societies , though Christmas is celebrated these days to some degree the world over . This also makes for powerful icons , ones begging ( to a horror writer ) to be cast down , or at least messed with some . My first , simply called " A Christmas Story , " appeared in the Winter 1991 - 92 issue of Cemetery Dance and I 've written one or sometimes more nearly every year since . That one was about a boy who poisons Santa 's snack in retaliation for crummy presents the year before ( Santa 's snack is always a good subject ) while two stories just out this year , " Naughty or Nice " in Daily Science Fiction ( archived on www . dailysciencefiction . com as of Dec . 28 ) and I 'm Dreaming Of A . . . as a short story e - book by Untreed Reads Publishing ( store . untreedreads . com ) , are about , respectively , a Parisian vampiress 's letter to St . Nick and snow that eats meat . " The Christmas Vulture , " incidentally , is still available in issue 3 of Untied Shoelaces at www . untiedshoelacesofthemind . com . You write poetry too . Do you think that has an effect on your fiction writing ? Absolutely , and in several ways , if only because writing poetry helps instill a love of words - - and the way they sound - - as well as practicing compact expression within set rules ( even This one 's easy , though the answer can vary from time to time , depending perhaps on what I 'm working on at a given moment . Edgar Allan Poe , Ray Bradbury , Allen Ginsberg ( less so now , perhaps , but especially in my longer poetry ) , Bertolt Brecht ( social motivations and intentional distancing - - his notion of " epic theatre " - - in certain stories ) . Going back to the first question , what is your fascination withvampires ? Is there anything else you bring to the subject ? Two things perhaps , one being music . Somehow vampires seem to me to go well with jazz and jazz themes ( this may be from the Ginsbergian influence cited above , though in this case affecting shorter poems too . You 'll see it in Vamps . ) Then the other , for want of a better term , might be domesticity . Vampires are great as distant , mysterious , and , yes , sexy figures , but what if you dated or married one . Do you take turns washing the blood - stained coffee cups piling up in the sink ? What has been the toughest criticism you 've received ? Your biggest compliment ? Not naming names , I just remembered what might be the toughest . In graduate school , I wrote a weekly column for an alternate student newspaper as well as doing utility writing as needed , film and theatre reviews , etc . One year one professor marked my first paper for him with words to the effect that " you need to learn how to write a good , clear English sentence , " to which my first thought was " Wow , I hope my editor hasn 't noticed ! " ( Not to worry , much of my column work was done under pen names , in part not to let it interfere with academics , but also , in fairness , there are certain stories I deliberately write in a florid style that have evoked occasional comments about " convoluted sentences . " When an editor complains about one , I usually just break it up into two parts . ) As for the best , I 'm still amazed that editors actually buy my work and pay money for it , so in a way almost any sale is a compliment . Two that stand out , though , were a phone call received from Charles Grant accepting thI 've put these together because the answer to both is the same : I really don 't know . I know that I 'd want to have some kind of creative outlet , but I also play music and I used to draw ( I still do very crude cartoons sometimes ) . Perhaps I could say that poetry ( as well as creative prose ) should evoke images much like visual art and I 've already mentioned that poetry ( add to that prose , too ) also involves sound , so maybe I 'm getting the best of all worlds . As to which I 'm drawn to the most , it depends on the project . Short poetry is faster , at least in first draft , if only because it 's short , often requiring only the germ of an idea to bring out , though as for longer poems they require as much pre - planning - - for structure , for instance , as much as a story relies on plot ; for mood perhaps as a replacement for characters - - as a piece of fiction . Your writing 's quirky and always manages to surprise me which is a difficult thing to do . Where do you get your inspiration ? How do you stay original ? First off , I 'm flattered by your question , not the least because I consider lack of imagination one of my greatest flaws . I have to go out and wrestle with the muse - - no sitting around for me waiting for " creative juices " to flow ( I keep seeing that phrase in writers ' magazines and it 's always seemed vaguely obscene to me . Perhaps that could be an idea for a story ) . I like themed anthologies because they give a hint from the start about what to write about , the game then being finding some other idea or ideas to graft to it . And that , I think , is the answer to inspiration , that it involves the creative combining of ideas . A vampire and a saint combined with a childlike writing letters to Santa . Me and others combing the shelves of the CVS store the day after Christmas searching for marked - down candy combined with my sudden thought that we were like vultures . I usually carry a pen and some paper , so that got jotted down . As for the other part , staying original , maybe it 's just that I steal with grJames Dorr is a short story writer and poet with two collections , STRANGE MISTRESSES : TALES OF WONDER AND ROMANCE and DARKER LOVES : TALES OF MYSTERY AND REGRET , published by Dark Regions Press and an illustrated all - poetry collection , VAMPS ( A RETROSPECTIVE ) , from Sam 's Dot Publishing . He also has a novella , THE GARDEN , available in electronic and print chapbook form from Damnation Books ; electronic chapbooks VANITAS and I ' M DREAMING OF A . . . from Untreed Reads Publishing ; and nearly four hundred individual appearances in magazines and anthologies in the US , Canada , Britain , France , Australia , Holland , and Brazil , ranging from ABORIGINAL SCIENCE FICTION and ALFRED HITCHCOCK ' S MYSTERY MAGAZINE to XENOPHILIA and THE YELLOW BAT REVIEW . Dorr has worked a number of jobs including technical writer , city editor on a regional magazine , full time non - fiction freelancer , and semi - professional musician , and now resides in southern Indiana with current cat , Wednesday , named for Wednesday Addams in the original TV series THE ADDAMS FAMILY . It was a quiet Christmas for us this year , but very nice . Our son opened two presents , grew bored , and demanded we clean up . He loves the easel we bought him and the LeapPad from his Gramma . He 's such a gadget freak like his father ! It was such a mild day , we spent the afternoon at one of the local parks . We had so much fun , we didn 't leave until the sun had set . Surprisingly , the park was pretty busy . Lots of people enjoying the day out with their families . Teaser Tuesdays is a weekly bookish meme , hosted by MizB of Should Be Reading . Anyone can play along ! Just do the following : Grab your current read Open to a random page Share two ( 2 ) " teaser " sentences from somewhere on that page BE CAREFUL NOT TO INCLUDE SPOILERS ! ( make sure that what you share doesn 't give too much away ! You don 't want to ruin the book for others ! ) Share the title & author , too , so that other TT participants can add the book to their TBR Lists if they like your teasers ! I love Richelle Mead 's Vampire Academy series . Succubus Blues is the first book in the Georgina Kincaid series , adult paranormal romance . The first page made me laugh . Great start . You have to love a reluctant succubus ! Sleep with Seth Mortensen ? Good grief . It was the most preposterous thing I 'd ever heard . It was appalling . If I absorbed his life force , there was no telling how long it 'd be until his next book came out . ( page 25 ) My son sat on Santa 's lap this year , but he wasn 't exactly happy about it . He didn 't think too much of the candy cane either . Yet when he see the photo on the cabinet , he says : " Santa . Lap . Sit . Candy . " This is my entry for Heather 's holiday story contest . Here 's the details : It 's very simple . I want to read your most original , scary or uplifting holiday story ( I like both , so since this is my contest - I figure I 'll make you write what I like to read ! ) . Now , notice I didn 't say " Christmas " ; it can be ANY holiday you celebrate ! It does NOT have to be a holiday that occurs in winter months . The entry can be no more than 500 words . " What ? " Barb shot me a glance . " Shush and stop being so melodramatic . " She returned her attention to the CEO as he finished his Christmas toast . Everyone raised their glasses and shouted , " Cheers ! " I didn 't pick up my glass . There was nothing for me to toast . Victor didn 't show for our first date . My stomach was hard and heavy , and there wasn 't a sympathetic shoulder to lean on . A chant of " Santa , Santa , Santa " pounded into my head . Bells jingled and someone flipped on Christmas music . A man in a red suit and horribly fake beard strode into the room , playing up to the crowd . He danced with the girls and gave high fives to the guys . " Oh come on , hon . So what ? Some jerk stood you up . I 'm single and you don 't see me getting all depressed . " She hooked her arm through mine and yanked me forward . " It 's two days until Christmas . It 's an open bar . And have you seen how good you look tonight ? Santa 's going to drool into your cleavage . " " That 's exactly what I want for Christmas . " I rolled my eyes , but I let her drag me into the line . I knew Barb was right , but it was still hard to feel festive when all I could imagine was Victor 's gorgeous smile and the sparkle in his eyes . Lost to my own dreary thoughts , I hadn 't realized we were at the front of the line until Barb shoved me forward . I stumbled , half - sitting on Santa 's leg and using the arm of the chair to balance myself . I felt silly sitting on his lap , but it was a company tradition . Sound asleep . The sweet little guy . He 's so adorable . Then when he was awake today , EWWWWWW ! My son has a rotavirus . I won 't describe it . You can click on the link and that will be enough said . I 'm happy we got a carpet steam cleaner as an early Christmas present . Aside from all my cleaning and comforting today , I managed to get a nice chunk of writing done . I 'm that much closer to the big climax of my current novel . I won 't get it done before Christmas like I hoped , but maybe the end of December . * knocks on wood * There are paranormal romances that are light - hearted and silly . They don 't have a dark atmosphere , but most of the books in this genre try to create a spooky feeling at some point in the story . It 's a tough thing to do . There 's only one Stephen King . As for the rest of us , we have to use all the tricks at our disposal . When I think creepy atmosphere , I think setting . Graveyards , haunted houses , empty streets . Just placing your characters in an ill - lit room will help immensely . Yet it doesn 't have to be a horror stereotype . If you 're good , you can make any setting spooky . The reader is going to expect something out of the ordinary even if you place the scene in the ladies ' restroom or a wig shop . It 's in the details . Don 't over do it with lavish descriptions of dusty cobwebs , the wind blowing the drapes , and something lurking in the shadows . Drop a chilly detail here and there . Something that might be normal but isn 't quite . Something that will make the reader wonder . A writer 's best tool in creating a spooky scene is the reader 's imagination . The reader will always imagine something horrible and help to give themselves goosebumps . Part of the creepiness of a story is in creating suspense and tension . You want the reader on the edge of their seat . An effective way of doing this is through the characters ' reactions . Don 't let your text be filled with too much thinking . Describe what they 're seeing , hearing , smelling . Use all the senses . Write their physical reactions . Spooky stories are about showing rather than telling . Even with paranormal romance where things are out of the ordinary , try to keep things as realistic as possible . What scares people the most is if they start thinking something like that is possible . Hit on the things that frighten people the most and use them to help build up the tension . Vampires , werewolves , and other supernatural creatures can fear the same things as humans do . Teaser Tuesdays is a weekly bookish meme , hosted by MizB of Should Be Reading . Anyone can play along ! Just do the following : Grab your current read Open to a random page Share two ( 2 ) " teaser " sentences from somewhere on that page BE CAREFUL NOT TO INCLUDE SPOILERS ! ( make sure that what you share doesn 't give too much away ! You don 't want to ruin the book for others ! ) Share the title & author , too , so that other TT participants can add the book to their TBR Lists if they like your teasers ! Alex J . Cavanaugh 's CassaStar is a great break from the books I usually read . It 's space opera that reminds me of Battlestar Galactica in a way . I hear drums when the battles start . I usually watch more sci - fi than read it , but sometimes the written word can be as vivid as a film and Alex manages to do it . I 'm halfway through and it 's getting even better . Though , I don 't dare have my Nook out when little toddler hands can grab it ! WINNERS ! WINNERS ! WINNERS ! Thank you to everyone who commented and entered in the giveaway . And thank you , David , for doing the interview and giveaway . You were great ! David is excited to give away some holiday prizes . Random . org , please give us the lucky numbers ! The winner of the signed copy of To Kids From One to Ninety Two is : Amy at The Ramblings of Amy I 've always been able to remember my dreams . And , oh , what dreams I have ! Lots of monsters , haunted houses , flying , and walking out of the house without pants . My dreams inspire me to write a lot of stories . I 've a lot of control over my dreams too . I know I 'm dreaming , and if I 'm unhappy with the way a dream is going , I can change it or wake up . I am Neo of the dream world . I had a fun one the other night . I woke up at six to pee , and knowing that I only had another hour or so of sleep ahead of me , I went back to bed . In the dream , I had to save a mermaid girl from two evil brothers . ( They were like the evil versions of the Kratts Brothers . ) The mermaid was the key to ridding the world of pollution and saving life on the planet itself . I got held up in a house with friends . We were surrounded by the Brothers ' goons . I knew I only had a few more minutes of sleep ahead of me . I needed the action to go quicker . I walked outside and giant mutant dogs lunged at me . I held up a hand and said , " Sit . " They sat . The goons aimed guns at me . I said , " No bullets . " The guns were all empty . I ran down the road . I had to get to the beach , but it was across town . Nope , not acceptable . I created a road right there that lead to the beach . There was a huge line of people waiting to get in through the military checkpoint - like entrance . I jumped up to the top of a cliff and ran off , flying out over the water . The Atlantic Ocean . How was I going to find the mermaid ? Well , I sent the Pez Army to track the Brothers . It was easy to spot the Pez Army since it was so large . Yes , I said Pez Army . Those little sugar candies are powerful as they are yummy . I flew out and was about to rescue the mermaid when my alarm went off . Maybe the brothers planned that too . Hmm . This is the continuation of my Holiday Snapshots series . Every Saturday this month , I 'm posting holiday themed photos . My cards are out and my shopping 's done . Up with the tree today and a holiday party later this evening ! You still have a few days to enter the David Salnave holiday book giveaway on my blog . He 'll make you laugh and he 'll make you feel warm and fuzzy inside . Perfect holiday gift . We all love giveaways . Free stuff ! It 's even better during the holidays when we 're spending too much money as it is . Here 's a list of fantastic contests and giveaways . Click , enter and be merry ! Cherie Reich is giving away six critiques on her writing blog and three books she 's reviewed on her book review blog . She 's an editor and an awesome critique partner . A critique by her is a fabulous gift to yourself . Plus , books . Need I say more ? Heather at My Demon Spirits is having a holiday short story contest . Stories can be funny , uplifting or scary , and must be no longer than 500 words . First place winner gets a $ 25 Amazon gift card . Second place wins an e - reader cozy and third place a leather writing journal . Great prizes ! It 's Melissa Bradley 's birthday at Melissa 's Imaginarium . Leave a comment on her birthday post to win a copy of any of her stories . I 'm in the mood for cake right now . Allison Pang offers you a chance to win a Nook as part of the Mistletoe Madness Blog Hop Part 2 . All you have to do is write a hedgehog haiku . Here 's the link to all the contests in the Mistletoe Madness Blog Hop . If there 's any you want to include , please leave a link in the comments section . I 'll appreciate it as much as everyone else . Happy Friday ! This made me laugh . I couldn 't resist participating in Grumpy Bulldog 's Blahg Fest . I 've been known to be a bit of a humbug now and then . Less so now that I have a child , but the humbug still creeps out on those dark December nights . 1 . Fruitcake . It 's one of those things that make me inwardly cringe . It looks like . . . Well , I won 't say . I don 't want anyone else experiencing nausea when looking at those things . Blech . 3 . Family guilt trips . My family lives in Canada . My husband 's parents are divorced . We have to decide between three different places to spend Christmas . Those we aren 't with at Christmas give guilt trips . This year , we 're staying home and not traveling . The guilt trips are coming in like a blinding blizzard . 4 . Mothers should not buy their adult daughters Christmas panties . Every year it happens . Socks , please . Socks are a much better option . I never want my mom thinking about something only my husband and I will ever see . 5 . The awkward moment when someone unexpected gives you a gift and you haven 't bought anything for them . You try to be gracious and apologetic . But they know there 's nothing you can say to make up for the fact they got you something and you didn 't get them a thing . I 've seen the Facebook updates . I know what they say after the fact . 7 . The Elf on the Shelf . My brother and his wife gave us one last year . My son loves it . The thing gives me the willies . 8 . Shopping . I don 't like shopping to begin with . I tried to do all my shopping online this year . I didn 't succeed . People are so much ruder and aggressive this time of year at the stores . My sympathy to those of you who work retail . 9 . Christmas cards . I like to send out cards and I like to receive them . I make sure they 're all addressed and ready to go before December . I send out about 60 of them . On average , I get about 15 back . It makes me pout . 10 . Advent Calendars . Only one chocolate a day ? Oh no , I don 't think so . At least a dozen would make it more worthwhile . Almost every woman says she wants a nice , funny guy . No matter what the media tells you , it 's true . Real stories of women seeking out the bad boys are exaggerated . Nice guys don 't finish last . We don 't see that many nice guys in romance novels , though . Why is that ? Women want to read about the bad boy with the hidden heart of gold . Women of every social class , of every age . Again , you ask why ? For the fantasy of it , for an escape from reality . If you ask the same women if they want a man in real life like the arrogant and possessive heroes in the books , they 'll say no . They want the nice guys . Nice guys are almost impossible to find in paranormal romance . The dark supernatural worlds with all those monsters to fight tend to produce hardened men . Or the men that the heroines fall for are the monsters . I love all the layers this adds to the romance aspect of the story . Ah , the complexities of being a vampire 's life - mate or falling for a gorgeous ghost that you can 't even touch . Not that paranormal romance is void of nice guys . Usually they 're family or friends . Not the love interest . I find nice guys are more common in YA than adult . I 'm glad for that . The most popular example I can think of is the Harry Potter series . I love that Harry and Ron were nice guys . They prove you can have a fantastic story with nice guys . They each got the girl at the end too . My heroes are usually the sarcastic , arrogant type . They 're just so much fun to write . Of course , they can be highly moral and have good hearts , but they have flaws that would make them highly annoying in real life . I should take up the challenge and write a story with a nice guy as the hero . Do you prefer reading romances with the bad boy or the nice guy ? Can you name any paranormal romances with a nice guy as the love interest ? Teaser Tuesdays is a weekly bookish meme , hosted by MizB of Should Be Reading . Anyone can play along ! Just do the following : Grab your current read Open to a random page Share two ( 2 ) " teaser " sentences from somewhere on that page BE CAREFUL NOT TO INCLUDE SPOILERS ! ( make sure that what you share doesn 't give too much away ! You don 't want to ruin the book for others ! ) Share the title & author , too , so that other TT participants can add the book to their TBR Lists if they like your teasers ! I would have never picked up this book on my own . I browse the YA section more often these days , but a book about suicide wouldn 't draw me in . I 've heard a lot of great things about Jay Asher 's book and they 're all true . I 'm blown away . I won 't say it 's the best thing I 've ever read , but the teen inside of me reacted to it . The little things do affect all of us . Here 's your teaser : For Jessica , it was easier to think of me as Bad Hannah than as the Hannah she got to know at Monet 's . It was easier to accept . Easier to understand . ( page 66 ) The fire is crackling merrily and the smell of freshly baked cookies fills the house . The room is large but cozy , and filled with happy friends and family . Everyone is smiling and a few people have eggnog mustaches . There 's a big tree in the corner with presents piled high underneath . I think the elf on the shelf just winked at you . Come on in and take a seat by the fire . I want to introduce you to an old friend of mine . Someone who would always make me laugh in the mornings so I could get through the cold winter days . Please welcome David Salnave , comedian and author of To Kids From One to Ninety Two . Put on your favorite Christmas album and grab a cup of hot cocoa , To Kids From One to Ninety Two is just what you need to get into the spirit of the season . A collection of Christmas cheer with just the right amount of cheese , these stories are a reminder to ADULTS of all ages that we should never get too old , or busy , or cool to enjoy the holidays with childlike wonder . Christine : I 'm excited to have you here . I 'm even more excited that you 've published a wonderful book that makes me giggle , and feel warm and fuzzy too . What inspired you to write this book ? David : There were many inspirations behind this book . From my family and friends , to the fond Christmas memories and great Christmas stories I grew up on . I have a lot of Christmas Spirit that has been passed on to me , and I have always been eager to share it with others . D : My favorite thing about the holidays is that it gives people an excuse to set everything else aside and enjoy the things that matter most to them . Family , friends , charity , taking a break from the grind . Sometimes we lose sight of what we need most in life . D : Well , once they figured out that it wasn 't a joke , they were very happy for me . That reminds me , I need to give out some guilt trips to those who have not yet bought their copy ! D : I think I had the most fun writing the introduction . That is where I really spoke person to person with the reader the most . The intro really gives the reader a clear picture of what the thought process behind this book was . C : What affected your decision to self publish ? And do you have any advice for writers wanting to do so ? D : I think time and inexperience were the biggest factors . I do not regret self publishing , but there is a lot that you have to be careful of . As for advice , check and recheck your work . Trust me , there will be something you missed . Better you catch it then someone else . D : I will be writing a new Christmas story for next year called the Christmas Consultant . Its about a man who makes a living making Christmas dreams come true for others , but never really took the time to focus on his own happiness . It 's sort of like Hitch meets White Christmas . C : Awesome ! I can 't wait to read it . Thank you so much for stopping by . Feel free to mingle and help yourself to the cookies . David has some fantastic gifts for all of you . He 's giving away a signed paperback copy of his book , an e - copy of his book , and three video Christmas cards . To enter , leave a comment below along with your email address . In one week , the winners will be chosen by Random . org . Bio : David Salnave is a born and bred New Yorker who has been writing and doing standup comedy for the past four years . He prides himself on being a pretty tough guy , but has always had a big soft spot in his heart for the Christmas season . It 's the only time of year when he allows himself to be as sappy and childlike as he can be . He 's a firm believer that we all need to make time in our lives to just focus on being happy , and that Christmas provides us with the perfect opportunity to do so . David hopes his writing helps people to remember this , and to maintain perspective on what is most important in life . I 'm watching Snowmageddon on Syfy as I type this . Oh , how I love to laugh at these wonderfully horrible movies . The fun of cursed snow globes . Is it a rule of Syfy movies that no one is allowed to use common sense ? I have 151 followers . Yay ! Welcome to my little corner of Blogger . It 's wonderful to meet you all . When I hit 200 , I 'll have another giveaway . Yet wait ! I 'll be having a holiday giveaway this week . Jingle your bells and do happy Snoopy dance . I have a special guest coming to visit and he 's feeling the Christmas spirit . Don 't miss your chance to win some cool prizes . In writing news , well , there is none . I 've still not been feeling the greatest . Instead of writing when my son has been napping , I 've been napping too . I 've lost a lot of writing and blogging time . Back to the doctor 's on Wednesday . Hopefully my body will experience some holiday magic and be reinvigorated . If you didn 't see last week , I 'm doing a series of holiday photos every Saturday this month . I thought about decorating my blog , but I still haven 't gotten to decorating my house . The cards have to go out first and then I need to get my shopping done . It 's that time of year ! I 've talked about a lot about the different aspects of how to market paranormal romances . I 've been asked a few times to use examples from my own work . Here we go . It 's time to put all those tips and research to work . I 'm going to use a novel that has gotten a lot of attention from agents and publishers , but somehow , I never make the sale . Why ? I 've been marketing it all wrong . It 's taken me a long time to realize why I couldn 't sell it . I was too close to the story . I took a break from it to work on a few other manuscripts and now I see it with fresh eyes . It surprises me how much I 've changed and how I 've grown as a writer . How could I have thought what I was doing was the right way ? I have a particular love - hate relationship with the protagonist , Magena Silver . She 's been with me for a number of years . We know each other well . Perhaps too well . She likes to get her way and knows how to manipulate me , but her way isn 't always the right way . The first issue : the title . The book was originally called Alchemy . I was very attached to the title , but it doesn 't speak to a paranormal romance audience . It 's plain . It doesn 't have any character . It could be a " How To " book for what anyone could guess from the title alone . The new title : Witch 's First Rule . This says a lot more . Saying " witch " allows the potential reader to know what they 're dealing with . It 's a paranormal . It has something to do with rules . The twist is it 's not rules of magic , but Magena 's rules of dating . It 'll make the potential reader curious to find out what this first rule is . It 's also a play on the title of a famous fantasy novel by Terry Goodkind . I sent a query letter out to several agents and publishers . One in seven responded with interest and asked to see the full manuscript . Each time it was rejected . It wasn 't what they were looking for . So what did they see in my query letter - particularly the blurb - that led them to believe it was something else ? Here 's the old blurb : Magena Silver is a professional celebrity and a witch . She 's the most successful marriage therapist in America because she secretly slips love potions to her clients . In Alchemy , she helps one couple and it turns out to be a grave mistake . The father of the wife is a powerful witch - a Master - and he wants Magena to make an antidote or else he will kill her . Magena fails to make one and must discover another way to defeat the Master with the help of her companions . She is caught up in an ancient battle between two powerful families and must deal with a lovesick gypsy as well as her attraction to the handsome empath the Master has sent to watch her . Not hot . Not quirky . None of Magena 's personality in it . It attracted attention , though . Were they hoping for a lot of magic ? Witch fights ? Alchemist details ? There isn 't a lot of magic . There 's fighting , but it 's not the focus of the story . There 's very little details about alchemy . It 's about people and relationships . It 's a paranormal , but the romance drama trumps it all . It has the main character and the conflict , but not in a way that best markets them . It has a hook , but it 's not as powerful as it could be . It needs to show just how unique this book is compared to other paranormal romances . It 's fast - paced and hot , but the blurb definitely doesn 't mirror this . There 's mounting tension , but even I 'm not drawn in by that part and I love the story . OR The first rule of dating Magena Silver : don 't get emotionally attached . Yes , she breaks her rules . I think this hook works more efficiently than the previous one . Yet I 'd still like to say she 's a professional celebrity and a witch . I need to set up the paranormal feel and the conflict . This is tricky . Teaser Tuesdays is a weekly bookish meme , hosted by MizB of Should Be Reading . Anyone can play along ! Just do the following : Grab your current read Open to a random page Share two ( 2 ) " teaser " sentences from somewhere on that page BE CAREFUL NOT TO INCLUDE SPOILERS ! ( make sure that what you share doesn 't give too much away ! You don 't want to ruin the book for others ! ) Share the title & author , too , so that other TT participants can add the book to their TBR Lists if they like your teasers ! During the holidays when things get busy and sometimes things get stressful , I need a funny and light read . Laura Resnick definitely provides it with Vamparazzi . It 's a novel in her Esther Diamond series . A hilarious supernatural read . It 's a little silly and a little naughty , and great for bringing on holiday visits when you need a few minutes to get away from things . I still haven 't gotten back to writing . This isn 't good ! Today was just so busy . Hopefully tomorrow I 'll enjoy a quiet nap time and get back to my story . I have my writers ' group this coming Saturday . I submitted the blurb for Sorrow Phage to be critiqued . My CP , Cherie Reich , helped me already with it . I still need to think of a new title for the novel . Why did Vampires in a Mortuary suddenly pop into my head ? Darn Snakes on a Plane . I can have my protagonist screaming , " Enough is enough ! I 've had it with these demon killing vampires in this brother - father mortuary ! " My Christmas shopping is done . I mailed out the packages to my family in Canada today . I also received packages from my mom today . She told me to open one gift early . A new digital camera ! She just wants her daily photo of my son . My doctor 's appointment went well today . All my tests came back clean . Surprisingly , with all the treats I 've had lately , my blood sugar was excellent . I have one more test next week just to clear out the final possibility . I 'm starting a new medication , but everything is good . High blood pressure is nothing to ignore or mess around with . It 's been a little while since I participated in Saturday Snapshot , and I don 't want to officially do it since I don 't know if I 'll have the time to look at other people 's pictures this weekend . So much to do ! I 'm scared to go shopping . Very scared . I 'm going to post holiday photos every Saturday this month . My bit of holiday fun here . Hopefully they 'll make you go " awww ! " or laugh hysterically . My son 's first photo with Santa last year . He didn 't know what to make of Santa , but he loved the cute elves ! ( He 's always been a ladies ' man . ) Strangely , this year , my son calls him " Claus . " No Santa . Health update : No word from the lab yet , but I 've been feeling better the past few days . Hopefully the medication they have me on is doing the trick . I 've got lots to do this weekend , so I won 't get much relaxing done . I need some energy to brave the stores ! I haven 't gotten back to my NaNo novel yet . It 's been over a week . I haven 't even thought about it . I 've been trying to catch up on email and blogs , but I 've been a little slow at that . Plus , I have some stories I need to critique . Not how I imagined starting off December . The reason for this is I 've had some health issues come up . Hopefully it can all be helped by a regular dose of medication , but I 'm still waiting on the test results . I 'll be back to see my doctor on Monday . I need to do up a will . Has anyone out there done theirs ? I 'm curious if it would be better to do it with a lawyer or do it myself . I don 't think anyone would disrespect my wishes if it wasn 't witnessed and signed by a lawyer , but if something happened to both my husband and I , I want the guardianship for my son very clear . I 'm a writer , blogger , and geek mom . I write paranormal romance and urban fantasy . I love a dark and gritty story . I have four degrees which don 't help at all with motherhood , but make me a great Jeopardy player . Member of S . C . I . F . I . and Untethered Realms . A big thank you to Sherry Ellis for passing on the Top Commenter Award . You 're so sweet ! You 're one of my top commenters an . . . I 've always been able to remember my dreams . And , oh , what dreams I have ! Lots of monsters , haunted houses , flying , and walking out of t . . . My paranormal romance novella , FEARLESS , will be released on August 7th . To help promote it , I wanted to do something fun . One of my favorit . . .
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I didn 't do nearly as much writing as I wanted to this year , but I learned a lot about the craft , networking , and critiquing . Learning how to tear apart someone else 's story makes me a better writer in the end when I do the same for myself . Connecting with other writers has also helped encourage me and taught me so much . You guys are the greatest ! Goal # 1 : I want to get back to writing one short story a month and submitting it . I did this for a few years before my son was born , but I lost a lot of momentum when I had a newborn to care for . This will also mean I will have one new short story to present to my CPs and writers ' group every month . My lessons in critiquing will continue . Goal # 2 : Try to get one short story polished to such a degree that it is published in a SFWA approved publication . This is a very difficult thing to do . I want it , though . I want it so much . It will take work , work , and more work , and whole load of originality and great storytelling . Goal # 3 : Revise and submit three of my paranormal romances : Witch 's First Rule ( mainstream adult paranormal romance ) , A Lion 's Heart ( erotic paranormal romance ) , and Sorrow Phage ( urban fantasy with a romantic subplot ) . It 's going to take a lot of time . Revising is one of my least favorite things to do . Yet marketing it properly when I submit a novel is something I like even less . I will take my lessons learn and apply them , and hopefully * knock on wood * I 'll have a novel with a wonderful press next year . Goal # 4 : Complete the A to Z Blogging Challenge in April . I 'm very excited about this challenge . I think I might do a story that covers all 26 days . The tricky part will be making it apply to each letter . I also realized that April will be a hectic month for me . My son 's and husband 's birthdays , and we 'll be visiting my family in Canada for a week . I 'll have to make sure my blog posts are written beforehand . The generous Nicole Zoltack has put out the offer of critiques . All you have to do is follow her blog ! You can choose a query , synopsis or first page critique . Just email her one of the above . First come , first serve ! Thank you , Nicole ! Posted by It 's not typical in adult paranormal romances , but sometimes we do come across the virgin heroine . She might be successful at everything else in her life , but love has always eluded her and she 's not one to just sleep around . It allows an innocence and newness to the romance , drawing the reader along as she meets a mysterious and gorgeous individual whom she can 't stop hungering for . I prefer an experienced heroine , but I don 't mind a virgin as long as she is well written . No one knows exactly what to do the first time around . No one has multiple orgasms the first time , nor after a minute or two in bed with her lover . Be realistic . The loss of her virginity would be a big emotional scene , a turning point in her identity . Not only in how she sees herself , but how others see her . The hero 's realization that she 's a virgin can also be a pivotal point . And the villain 's if it is important to their evil plot ! I 've heard the argument that an inexperienced heroine and a very experienced hero creates inequality in romance novels . Sometimes women do fantasize about being taken by a lover who knows exactly what to do . It 's about surrendering , giving yourself , and all the emotions that go with it . It 's becoming less common to find a virgin heroine and a promiscuous hero falling for one another , but the fantasy still attracts readers . Also , there is a rise in promiscuous heroines who are more experienced than the men . A few times , more so in YA than in adult books , the heroine and hero will both be virgins . Please join me in welcoming short story writer and poet , James Dorr to my blog . He contacted me after we both got a short horror story accepted into the Indiana Horror Anthology 2011 and extended an invitation to me to join his writers ' group , S . C . I . F . I . - South Central Indiana Fiction Interface . He 's tough with his critiques , but I prefer it that way . I 've learned a lot from him in the group . Christine : I understand you 've just published a book of poetry about vampires . Vampires seem to hold a lot of fascination for other people too . What do you think the fascination is based on ? James : Yes , Vamps ( A Retrospective ) was published by Sam 's Dot Publishing ( http : / / sdpbookstore . com / poetrybooks . htm # vamps ) this August . The fascination with vampires seems to be universal , stories go back to at least ancient Rome , and most cultures seem to have some variation on the myth . But why shouldn 't it be ? Vampires represent the nexus between sex and death , birth and rebirth , or in Freudian terms eros and thanatos . And who of us can say that these aren 't our favorite subjects , at least at times ? Last year you had a Christmas story , " The Christmas Vulture , " in the ezine Untied Shoelaces of the Mind ( reprinted this September in their 2011 Anthology ) . Do you write a holiday story every Christmas and , if so , what can we expect this year ? Another favorite subject , at least in Western societies , though Christmas is celebrated these days to some degree the world over . This also makes for powerful icons , ones begging ( to a horror writer ) to be cast down , or at least messed with some . My first , simply called " A Christmas Story , " appeared in the Winter 1991 - 92 issue of Cemetery Dance and I 've written one or sometimes more nearly every year since . That one was about a boy who poisons Santa 's snack in retaliation for crummy presents the year before ( Santa 's snack is always a good subject ) while two stories just out this year , " Naughty or Nice " in Daily Science Fiction ( archived on www . dailysciencefiction . com as of Dec . 28 ) and I 'm Dreaming Of A . . . as a short story e - book by Untreed Reads Publishing ( store . untreedreads . com ) , are about , respectively , a Parisian vampiress 's letter to St . Nick and snow that eats meat . " The Christmas Vulture , " incidentally , is still available in issue 3 of Untied Shoelaces at www . untiedshoelacesofthemind . com . You write poetry too . Do you think that has an effect on your fiction writing ? Absolutely , and in several ways , if only because writing poetry helps instill a love of words - - and the way they sound - - as well as practicing compact expression within set rules ( even This one 's easy , though the answer can vary from time to time , depending perhaps on what I 'm working on at a given moment . Edgar Allan Poe , Ray Bradbury , Allen Ginsberg ( less so now , perhaps , but especially in my longer poetry ) , Bertolt Brecht ( social motivations and intentional distancing - - his notion of " epic theatre " - - in certain stories ) . Going back to the first question , what is your fascination withvampires ? Is there anything else you bring to the subject ? Two things perhaps , one being music . Somehow vampires seem to me to go well with jazz and jazz themes ( this may be from the Ginsbergian influence cited above , though in this case affecting shorter poems too . You 'll see it in Vamps . ) Then the other , for want of a better term , might be domesticity . Vampires are great as distant , mysterious , and , yes , sexy figures , but what if you dated or married one . Do you take turns washing the blood - stained coffee cups piling up in the sink ? What has been the toughest criticism you 've received ? Your biggest compliment ? Not naming names , I just remembered what might be the toughest . In graduate school , I wrote a weekly column for an alternate student newspaper as well as doing utility writing as needed , film and theatre reviews , etc . One year one professor marked my first paper for him with words to the effect that " you need to learn how to write a good , clear English sentence , " to which my first thought was " Wow , I hope my editor hasn 't noticed ! " ( Not to worry , much of my column work was done under pen names , in part not to let it interfere with academics , but also , in fairness , there are certain stories I deliberately write in a florid style that have evoked occasional comments about " convoluted sentences . " When an editor complains about one , I usually just break it up into two parts . ) As for the best , I 'm still amazed that editors actually buy my work and pay money for it , so in a way almost any sale is a compliment . Two that stand out , though , were a phone call received from Charles Grant accepting thI 've put these together because the answer to both is the same : I really don 't know . I know that I 'd want to have some kind of creative outlet , but I also play music and I used to draw ( I still do very crude cartoons sometimes ) . Perhaps I could say that poetry ( as well as creative prose ) should evoke images much like visual art and I 've already mentioned that poetry ( add to that prose , too ) also involves sound , so maybe I 'm getting the best of all worlds . As to which I 'm drawn to the most , it depends on the project . Short poetry is faster , at least in first draft , if only because it 's short , often requiring only the germ of an idea to bring out , though as for longer poems they require as much pre - planning - - for structure , for instance , as much as a story relies on plot ; for mood perhaps as a replacement for characters - - as a piece of fiction . Your writing 's quirky and always manages to surprise me which is a difficult thing to do . Where do you get your inspiration ? How do you stay original ? First off , I 'm flattered by your question , not the least because I consider lack of imagination one of my greatest flaws . I have to go out and wrestle with the muse - - no sitting around for me waiting for " creative juices " to flow ( I keep seeing that phrase in writers ' magazines and it 's always seemed vaguely obscene to me . Perhaps that could be an idea for a story ) . I like themed anthologies because they give a hint from the start about what to write about , the game then being finding some other idea or ideas to graft to it . And that , I think , is the answer to inspiration , that it involves the creative combining of ideas . A vampire and a saint combined with a childlike writing letters to Santa . Me and others combing the shelves of the CVS store the day after Christmas searching for marked - down candy combined with my sudden thought that we were like vultures . I usually carry a pen and some paper , so that got jotted down . As for the other part , staying original , maybe it 's just that I steal with grJames Dorr is a short story writer and poet with two collections , STRANGE MISTRESSES : TALES OF WONDER AND ROMANCE and DARKER LOVES : TALES OF MYSTERY AND REGRET , published by Dark Regions Press and an illustrated all - poetry collection , VAMPS ( A RETROSPECTIVE ) , from Sam 's Dot Publishing . He also has a novella , THE GARDEN , available in electronic and print chapbook form from Damnation Books ; electronic chapbooks VANITAS and I ' M DREAMING OF A . . . from Untreed Reads Publishing ; and nearly four hundred individual appearances in magazines and anthologies in the US , Canada , Britain , France , Australia , Holland , and Brazil , ranging from ABORIGINAL SCIENCE FICTION and ALFRED HITCHCOCK ' S MYSTERY MAGAZINE to XENOPHILIA and THE YELLOW BAT REVIEW . Dorr has worked a number of jobs including technical writer , city editor on a regional magazine , full time non - fiction freelancer , and semi - professional musician , and now resides in southern Indiana with current cat , Wednesday , named for Wednesday Addams in the original TV series THE ADDAMS FAMILY . It was a quiet Christmas for us this year , but very nice . Our son opened two presents , grew bored , and demanded we clean up . He loves the easel we bought him and the LeapPad from his Gramma . He 's such a gadget freak like his father ! It was such a mild day , we spent the afternoon at one of the local parks . We had so much fun , we didn 't leave until the sun had set . Surprisingly , the park was pretty busy . Lots of people enjoying the day out with their families . Teaser Tuesdays is a weekly bookish meme , hosted by MizB of Should Be Reading . Anyone can play along ! Just do the following : Grab your current read Open to a random page Share two ( 2 ) " teaser " sentences from somewhere on that page BE CAREFUL NOT TO INCLUDE SPOILERS ! ( make sure that what you share doesn 't give too much away ! You don 't want to ruin the book for others ! ) Share the title & author , too , so that other TT participants can add the book to their TBR Lists if they like your teasers ! I love Richelle Mead 's Vampire Academy series . Succubus Blues is the first book in the Georgina Kincaid series , adult paranormal romance . The first page made me laugh . Great start . You have to love a reluctant succubus ! Sleep with Seth Mortensen ? Good grief . It was the most preposterous thing I 'd ever heard . It was appalling . If I absorbed his life force , there was no telling how long it 'd be until his next book came out . ( page 25 ) My son sat on Santa 's lap this year , but he wasn 't exactly happy about it . He didn 't think too much of the candy cane either . Yet when he see the photo on the cabinet , he says : " Santa . Lap . Sit . Candy . " This is my entry for Heather 's holiday story contest . Here 's the details : It 's very simple . I want to read your most original , scary or uplifting holiday story ( I like both , so since this is my contest - I figure I 'll make you write what I like to read ! ) . Now , notice I didn 't say " Christmas " ; it can be ANY holiday you celebrate ! It does NOT have to be a holiday that occurs in winter months . The entry can be no more than 500 words . " What ? " Barb shot me a glance . " Shush and stop being so melodramatic . " She returned her attention to the CEO as he finished his Christmas toast . Everyone raised their glasses and shouted , " Cheers ! " I didn 't pick up my glass . There was nothing for me to toast . Victor didn 't show for our first date . My stomach was hard and heavy , and there wasn 't a sympathetic shoulder to lean on . A chant of " Santa , Santa , Santa " pounded into my head . Bells jingled and someone flipped on Christmas music . A man in a red suit and horribly fake beard strode into the room , playing up to the crowd . He danced with the girls and gave high fives to the guys . " Oh come on , hon . So what ? Some jerk stood you up . I 'm single and you don 't see me getting all depressed . " She hooked her arm through mine and yanked me forward . " It 's two days until Christmas . It 's an open bar . And have you seen how good you look tonight ? Santa 's going to drool into your cleavage . " " That 's exactly what I want for Christmas . " I rolled my eyes , but I let her drag me into the line . I knew Barb was right , but it was still hard to feel festive when all I could imagine was Victor 's gorgeous smile and the sparkle in his eyes . Lost to my own dreary thoughts , I hadn 't realized we were at the front of the line until Barb shoved me forward . I stumbled , half - sitting on Santa 's leg and using the arm of the chair to balance myself . I felt silly sitting on his lap , but it was a company tradition . Sound asleep . The sweet little guy . He 's so adorable . Then when he was awake today , EWWWWWW ! My son has a rotavirus . I won 't describe it . You can click on the link and that will be enough said . I 'm happy we got a carpet steam cleaner as an early Christmas present . Aside from all my cleaning and comforting today , I managed to get a nice chunk of writing done . I 'm that much closer to the big climax of my current novel . I won 't get it done before Christmas like I hoped , but maybe the end of December . * knocks on wood * There are paranormal romances that are light - hearted and silly . They don 't have a dark atmosphere , but most of the books in this genre try to create a spooky feeling at some point in the story . It 's a tough thing to do . There 's only one Stephen King . As for the rest of us , we have to use all the tricks at our disposal . When I think creepy atmosphere , I think setting . Graveyards , haunted houses , empty streets . Just placing your characters in an ill - lit room will help immensely . Yet it doesn 't have to be a horror stereotype . If you 're good , you can make any setting spooky . The reader is going to expect something out of the ordinary even if you place the scene in the ladies ' restroom or a wig shop . It 's in the details . Don 't over do it with lavish descriptions of dusty cobwebs , the wind blowing the drapes , and something lurking in the shadows . Drop a chilly detail here and there . Something that might be normal but isn 't quite . Something that will make the reader wonder . A writer 's best tool in creating a spooky scene is the reader 's imagination . The reader will always imagine something horrible and help to give themselves goosebumps . Part of the creepiness of a story is in creating suspense and tension . You want the reader on the edge of their seat . An effective way of doing this is through the characters ' reactions . Don 't let your text be filled with too much thinking . Describe what they 're seeing , hearing , smelling . Use all the senses . Write their physical reactions . Spooky stories are about showing rather than telling . Even with paranormal romance where things are out of the ordinary , try to keep things as realistic as possible . What scares people the most is if they start thinking something like that is possible . Hit on the things that frighten people the most and use them to help build up the tension . Vampires , werewolves , and other supernatural creatures can fear the same things as humans do . Teaser Tuesdays is a weekly bookish meme , hosted by MizB of Should Be Reading . Anyone can play along ! Just do the following : Grab your current read Open to a random page Share two ( 2 ) " teaser " sentences from somewhere on that page BE CAREFUL NOT TO INCLUDE SPOILERS ! ( make sure that what you share doesn 't give too much away ! You don 't want to ruin the book for others ! ) Share the title & author , too , so that other TT participants can add the book to their TBR Lists if they like your teasers ! Alex J . Cavanaugh 's CassaStar is a great break from the books I usually read . It 's space opera that reminds me of Battlestar Galactica in a way . I hear drums when the battles start . I usually watch more sci - fi than read it , but sometimes the written word can be as vivid as a film and Alex manages to do it . I 'm halfway through and it 's getting even better . Though , I don 't dare have my Nook out when little toddler hands can grab it ! WINNERS ! WINNERS ! WINNERS ! Thank you to everyone who commented and entered in the giveaway . And thank you , David , for doing the interview and giveaway . You were great ! David is excited to give away some holiday prizes . Random . org , please give us the lucky numbers ! The winner of the signed copy of To Kids From One to Ninety Two is : Amy at The Ramblings of Amy I 've always been able to remember my dreams . And , oh , what dreams I have ! Lots of monsters , haunted houses , flying , and walking out of the house without pants . My dreams inspire me to write a lot of stories . I 've a lot of control over my dreams too . I know I 'm dreaming , and if I 'm unhappy with the way a dream is going , I can change it or wake up . I am Neo of the dream world . I had a fun one the other night . I woke up at six to pee , and knowing that I only had another hour or so of sleep ahead of me , I went back to bed . In the dream , I had to save a mermaid girl from two evil brothers . ( They were like the evil versions of the Kratts Brothers . ) The mermaid was the key to ridding the world of pollution and saving life on the planet itself . I got held up in a house with friends . We were surrounded by the Brothers ' goons . I knew I only had a few more minutes of sleep ahead of me . I needed the action to go quicker . I walked outside and giant mutant dogs lunged at me . I held up a hand and said , " Sit . " They sat . The goons aimed guns at me . I said , " No bullets . " The guns were all empty . I ran down the road . I had to get to the beach , but it was across town . Nope , not acceptable . I created a road right there that lead to the beach . There was a huge line of people waiting to get in through the military checkpoint - like entrance . I jumped up to the top of a cliff and ran off , flying out over the water . The Atlantic Ocean . How was I going to find the mermaid ? Well , I sent the Pez Army to track the Brothers . It was easy to spot the Pez Army since it was so large . Yes , I said Pez Army . Those little sugar candies are powerful as they are yummy . I flew out and was about to rescue the mermaid when my alarm went off . Maybe the brothers planned that too . Hmm . This is the continuation of my Holiday Snapshots series . Every Saturday this month , I 'm posting holiday themed photos . My cards are out and my shopping 's done . Up with the tree today and a holiday party later this evening ! You still have a few days to enter the David Salnave holiday book giveaway on my blog . He 'll make you laugh and he 'll make you feel warm and fuzzy inside . Perfect holiday gift . We all love giveaways . Free stuff ! It 's even better during the holidays when we 're spending too much money as it is . Here 's a list of fantastic contests and giveaways . Click , enter and be merry ! Cherie Reich is giving away six critiques on her writing blog and three books she 's reviewed on her book review blog . She 's an editor and an awesome critique partner . A critique by her is a fabulous gift to yourself . Plus , books . Need I say more ? Heather at My Demon Spirits is having a holiday short story contest . Stories can be funny , uplifting or scary , and must be no longer than 500 words . First place winner gets a $ 25 Amazon gift card . Second place wins an e - reader cozy and third place a leather writing journal . Great prizes ! It 's Melissa Bradley 's birthday at Melissa 's Imaginarium . Leave a comment on her birthday post to win a copy of any of her stories . I 'm in the mood for cake right now . Allison Pang offers you a chance to win a Nook as part of the Mistletoe Madness Blog Hop Part 2 . All you have to do is write a hedgehog haiku . Here 's the link to all the contests in the Mistletoe Madness Blog Hop . If there 's any you want to include , please leave a link in the comments section . I 'll appreciate it as much as everyone else . Happy Friday ! This made me laugh . I couldn 't resist participating in Grumpy Bulldog 's Blahg Fest . I 've been known to be a bit of a humbug now and then . Less so now that I have a child , but the humbug still creeps out on those dark December nights . 1 . Fruitcake . It 's one of those things that make me inwardly cringe . It looks like . . . Well , I won 't say . I don 't want anyone else experiencing nausea when looking at those things . Blech . 3 . Family guilt trips . My family lives in Canada . My husband 's parents are divorced . We have to decide between three different places to spend Christmas . Those we aren 't with at Christmas give guilt trips . This year , we 're staying home and not traveling . The guilt trips are coming in like a blinding blizzard . 4 . Mothers should not buy their adult daughters Christmas panties . Every year it happens . Socks , please . Socks are a much better option . I never want my mom thinking about something only my husband and I will ever see . 5 . The awkward moment when someone unexpected gives you a gift and you haven 't bought anything for them . You try to be gracious and apologetic . But they know there 's nothing you can say to make up for the fact they got you something and you didn 't get them a thing . I 've seen the Facebook updates . I know what they say after the fact . 7 . The Elf on the Shelf . My brother and his wife gave us one last year . My son loves it . The thing gives me the willies . 8 . Shopping . I don 't like shopping to begin with . I tried to do all my shopping online this year . I didn 't succeed . People are so much ruder and aggressive this time of year at the stores . My sympathy to those of you who work retail . 9 . Christmas cards . I like to send out cards and I like to receive them . I make sure they 're all addressed and ready to go before December . I send out about 60 of them . On average , I get about 15 back . It makes me pout . 10 . Advent Calendars . Only one chocolate a day ? Oh no , I don 't think so . At least a dozen would make it more worthwhile . Almost every woman says she wants a nice , funny guy . No matter what the media tells you , it 's true . Real stories of women seeking out the bad boys are exaggerated . Nice guys don 't finish last . We don 't see that many nice guys in romance novels , though . Why is that ? Women want to read about the bad boy with the hidden heart of gold . Women of every social class , of every age . Again , you ask why ? For the fantasy of it , for an escape from reality . If you ask the same women if they want a man in real life like the arrogant and possessive heroes in the books , they 'll say no . They want the nice guys . Nice guys are almost impossible to find in paranormal romance . The dark supernatural worlds with all those monsters to fight tend to produce hardened men . Or the men that the heroines fall for are the monsters . I love all the layers this adds to the romance aspect of the story . Ah , the complexities of being a vampire 's life - mate or falling for a gorgeous ghost that you can 't even touch . Not that paranormal romance is void of nice guys . Usually they 're family or friends . Not the love interest . I find nice guys are more common in YA than adult . I 'm glad for that . The most popular example I can think of is the Harry Potter series . I love that Harry and Ron were nice guys . They prove you can have a fantastic story with nice guys . They each got the girl at the end too . My heroes are usually the sarcastic , arrogant type . They 're just so much fun to write . Of course , they can be highly moral and have good hearts , but they have flaws that would make them highly annoying in real life . I should take up the challenge and write a story with a nice guy as the hero . Do you prefer reading romances with the bad boy or the nice guy ? Can you name any paranormal romances with a nice guy as the love interest ? Teaser Tuesdays is a weekly bookish meme , hosted by MizB of Should Be Reading . Anyone can play along ! Just do the following : Grab your current read Open to a random page Share two ( 2 ) " teaser " sentences from somewhere on that page BE CAREFUL NOT TO INCLUDE SPOILERS ! ( make sure that what you share doesn 't give too much away ! You don 't want to ruin the book for others ! ) Share the title & author , too , so that other TT participants can add the book to their TBR Lists if they like your teasers ! I would have never picked up this book on my own . I browse the YA section more often these days , but a book about suicide wouldn 't draw me in . I 've heard a lot of great things about Jay Asher 's book and they 're all true . I 'm blown away . I won 't say it 's the best thing I 've ever read , but the teen inside of me reacted to it . The little things do affect all of us . Here 's your teaser : For Jessica , it was easier to think of me as Bad Hannah than as the Hannah she got to know at Monet 's . It was easier to accept . Easier to understand . ( page 66 ) The fire is crackling merrily and the smell of freshly baked cookies fills the house . The room is large but cozy , and filled with happy friends and family . Everyone is smiling and a few people have eggnog mustaches . There 's a big tree in the corner with presents piled high underneath . I think the elf on the shelf just winked at you . Come on in and take a seat by the fire . I want to introduce you to an old friend of mine . Someone who would always make me laugh in the mornings so I could get through the cold winter days . Please welcome David Salnave , comedian and author of To Kids From One to Ninety Two . Put on your favorite Christmas album and grab a cup of hot cocoa , To Kids From One to Ninety Two is just what you need to get into the spirit of the season . A collection of Christmas cheer with just the right amount of cheese , these stories are a reminder to ADULTS of all ages that we should never get too old , or busy , or cool to enjoy the holidays with childlike wonder . Christine : I 'm excited to have you here . I 'm even more excited that you 've published a wonderful book that makes me giggle , and feel warm and fuzzy too . What inspired you to write this book ? David : There were many inspirations behind this book . From my family and friends , to the fond Christmas memories and great Christmas stories I grew up on . I have a lot of Christmas Spirit that has been passed on to me , and I have always been eager to share it with others . D : My favorite thing about the holidays is that it gives people an excuse to set everything else aside and enjoy the things that matter most to them . Family , friends , charity , taking a break from the grind . Sometimes we lose sight of what we need most in life . D : Well , once they figured out that it wasn 't a joke , they were very happy for me . That reminds me , I need to give out some guilt trips to those who have not yet bought their copy ! D : I think I had the most fun writing the introduction . That is where I really spoke person to person with the reader the most . The intro really gives the reader a clear picture of what the thought process behind this book was . C : What affected your decision to self publish ? And do you have any advice for writers wanting to do so ? D : I think time and inexperience were the biggest factors . I do not regret self publishing , but there is a lot that you have to be careful of . As for advice , check and recheck your work . Trust me , there will be something you missed . Better you catch it then someone else . D : I will be writing a new Christmas story for next year called the Christmas Consultant . Its about a man who makes a living making Christmas dreams come true for others , but never really took the time to focus on his own happiness . It 's sort of like Hitch meets White Christmas . C : Awesome ! I can 't wait to read it . Thank you so much for stopping by . Feel free to mingle and help yourself to the cookies . David has some fantastic gifts for all of you . He 's giving away a signed paperback copy of his book , an e - copy of his book , and three video Christmas cards . To enter , leave a comment below along with your email address . In one week , the winners will be chosen by Random . org . Bio : David Salnave is a born and bred New Yorker who has been writing and doing standup comedy for the past four years . He prides himself on being a pretty tough guy , but has always had a big soft spot in his heart for the Christmas season . It 's the only time of year when he allows himself to be as sappy and childlike as he can be . He 's a firm believer that we all need to make time in our lives to just focus on being happy , and that Christmas provides us with the perfect opportunity to do so . David hopes his writing helps people to remember this , and to maintain perspective on what is most important in life . I 'm watching Snowmageddon on Syfy as I type this . Oh , how I love to laugh at these wonderfully horrible movies . The fun of cursed snow globes . Is it a rule of Syfy movies that no one is allowed to use common sense ? I have 151 followers . Yay ! Welcome to my little corner of Blogger . It 's wonderful to meet you all . When I hit 200 , I 'll have another giveaway . Yet wait ! I 'll be having a holiday giveaway this week . Jingle your bells and do happy Snoopy dance . I have a special guest coming to visit and he 's feeling the Christmas spirit . Don 't miss your chance to win some cool prizes . In writing news , well , there is none . I 've still not been feeling the greatest . Instead of writing when my son has been napping , I 've been napping too . I 've lost a lot of writing and blogging time . Back to the doctor 's on Wednesday . Hopefully my body will experience some holiday magic and be reinvigorated . If you didn 't see last week , I 'm doing a series of holiday photos every Saturday this month . I thought about decorating my blog , but I still haven 't gotten to decorating my house . The cards have to go out first and then I need to get my shopping done . It 's that time of year ! I 've talked about a lot about the different aspects of how to market paranormal romances . I 've been asked a few times to use examples from my own work . Here we go . It 's time to put all those tips and research to work . I 'm going to use a novel that has gotten a lot of attention from agents and publishers , but somehow , I never make the sale . Why ? I 've been marketing it all wrong . It 's taken me a long time to realize why I couldn 't sell it . I was too close to the story . I took a break from it to work on a few other manuscripts and now I see it with fresh eyes . It surprises me how much I 've changed and how I 've grown as a writer . How could I have thought what I was doing was the right way ? I have a particular love - hate relationship with the protagonist , Magena Silver . She 's been with me for a number of years . We know each other well . Perhaps too well . She likes to get her way and knows how to manipulate me , but her way isn 't always the right way . The first issue : the title . The book was originally called Alchemy . I was very attached to the title , but it doesn 't speak to a paranormal romance audience . It 's plain . It doesn 't have any character . It could be a " How To " book for what anyone could guess from the title alone . The new title : Witch 's First Rule . This says a lot more . Saying " witch " allows the potential reader to know what they 're dealing with . It 's a paranormal . It has something to do with rules . The twist is it 's not rules of magic , but Magena 's rules of dating . It 'll make the potential reader curious to find out what this first rule is . It 's also a play on the title of a famous fantasy novel by Terry Goodkind . I sent a query letter out to several agents and publishers . One in seven responded with interest and asked to see the full manuscript . Each time it was rejected . It wasn 't what they were looking for . So what did they see in my query letter - particularly the blurb - that led them to believe it was something else ? Here 's the old blurb : Magena Silver is a professional celebrity and a witch . She 's the most successful marriage therapist in America because she secretly slips love potions to her clients . In Alchemy , she helps one couple and it turns out to be a grave mistake . The father of the wife is a powerful witch - a Master - and he wants Magena to make an antidote or else he will kill her . Magena fails to make one and must discover another way to defeat the Master with the help of her companions . She is caught up in an ancient battle between two powerful families and must deal with a lovesick gypsy as well as her attraction to the handsome empath the Master has sent to watch her . Not hot . Not quirky . None of Magena 's personality in it . It attracted attention , though . Were they hoping for a lot of magic ? Witch fights ? Alchemist details ? There isn 't a lot of magic . There 's fighting , but it 's not the focus of the story . There 's very little details about alchemy . It 's about people and relationships . It 's a paranormal , but the romance drama trumps it all . It has the main character and the conflict , but not in a way that best markets them . It has a hook , but it 's not as powerful as it could be . It needs to show just how unique this book is compared to other paranormal romances . It 's fast - paced and hot , but the blurb definitely doesn 't mirror this . There 's mounting tension , but even I 'm not drawn in by that part and I love the story . OR The first rule of dating Magena Silver : don 't get emotionally attached . Yes , she breaks her rules . I think this hook works more efficiently than the previous one . Yet I 'd still like to say she 's a professional celebrity and a witch . I need to set up the paranormal feel and the conflict . This is tricky . Teaser Tuesdays is a weekly bookish meme , hosted by MizB of Should Be Reading . Anyone can play along ! Just do the following : Grab your current read Open to a random page Share two ( 2 ) " teaser " sentences from somewhere on that page BE CAREFUL NOT TO INCLUDE SPOILERS ! ( make sure that what you share doesn 't give too much away ! You don 't want to ruin the book for others ! ) Share the title & author , too , so that other TT participants can add the book to their TBR Lists if they like your teasers ! During the holidays when things get busy and sometimes things get stressful , I need a funny and light read . Laura Resnick definitely provides it with Vamparazzi . It 's a novel in her Esther Diamond series . A hilarious supernatural read . It 's a little silly and a little naughty , and great for bringing on holiday visits when you need a few minutes to get away from things . I still haven 't gotten back to writing . This isn 't good ! Today was just so busy . Hopefully tomorrow I 'll enjoy a quiet nap time and get back to my story . I have my writers ' group this coming Saturday . I submitted the blurb for Sorrow Phage to be critiqued . My CP , Cherie Reich , helped me already with it . I still need to think of a new title for the novel . Why did Vampires in a Mortuary suddenly pop into my head ? Darn Snakes on a Plane . I can have my protagonist screaming , " Enough is enough ! I 've had it with these demon killing vampires in this brother - father mortuary ! " My Christmas shopping is done . I mailed out the packages to my family in Canada today . I also received packages from my mom today . She told me to open one gift early . A new digital camera ! She just wants her daily photo of my son . My doctor 's appointment went well today . All my tests came back clean . Surprisingly , with all the treats I 've had lately , my blood sugar was excellent . I have one more test next week just to clear out the final possibility . I 'm starting a new medication , but everything is good . High blood pressure is nothing to ignore or mess around with . It 's been a little while since I participated in Saturday Snapshot , and I don 't want to officially do it since I don 't know if I 'll have the time to look at other people 's pictures this weekend . So much to do ! I 'm scared to go shopping . Very scared . I 'm going to post holiday photos every Saturday this month . My bit of holiday fun here . Hopefully they 'll make you go " awww ! " or laugh hysterically . My son 's first photo with Santa last year . He didn 't know what to make of Santa , but he loved the cute elves ! ( He 's always been a ladies ' man . ) Strangely , this year , my son calls him " Claus . " No Santa . Health update : No word from the lab yet , but I 've been feeling better the past few days . Hopefully the medication they have me on is doing the trick . I 've got lots to do this weekend , so I won 't get much relaxing done . I need some energy to brave the stores ! I haven 't gotten back to my NaNo novel yet . It 's been over a week . I haven 't even thought about it . I 've been trying to catch up on email and blogs , but I 've been a little slow at that . Plus , I have some stories I need to critique . Not how I imagined starting off December . The reason for this is I 've had some health issues come up . Hopefully it can all be helped by a regular dose of medication , but I 'm still waiting on the test results . I 'll be back to see my doctor on Monday . I need to do up a will . Has anyone out there done theirs ? I 'm curious if it would be better to do it with a lawyer or do it myself . I don 't think anyone would disrespect my wishes if it wasn 't witnessed and signed by a lawyer , but if something happened to both my husband and I , I want the guardianship for my son very clear . I 'm a writer , blogger , and geek mom . I write paranormal romance and urban fantasy . I love a dark and gritty story . I have four degrees which don 't help at all with motherhood , but make me a great Jeopardy player . Member of S . C . I . F . I . and Untethered Realms . A big thank you to Sherry Ellis for passing on the Top Commenter Award . You 're so sweet ! You 're one of my top commenters an . . . I 've always been able to remember my dreams . And , oh , what dreams I have ! Lots of monsters , haunted houses , flying , and walking out of t . . . My paranormal romance novella , FEARLESS , will be released on August 7th . To help promote it , I wanted to do something fun . One of my favorit . . .
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I didn 't do nearly as much writing as I wanted to this year , but I learned a lot about the craft , networking , and critiquing . Learning how to tear apart someone else 's story makes me a better writer in the end when I do the same for myself . Connecting with other writers has also helped encourage me and taught me so much . You guys are the greatest ! Goal # 1 : I want to get back to writing one short story a month and submitting it . I did this for a few years before my son was born , but I lost a lot of momentum when I had a newborn to care for . This will also mean I will have one new short story to present to my CPs and writers ' group every month . My lessons in critiquing will continue . Goal # 2 : Try to get one short story polished to such a degree that it is published in a SFWA approved publication . This is a very difficult thing to do . I want it , though . I want it so much . It will take work , work , and more work , and whole load of originality and great storytelling . Goal # 3 : Revise and submit three of my paranormal romances : Witch 's First Rule ( mainstream adult paranormal romance ) , A Lion 's Heart ( erotic paranormal romance ) , and Sorrow Phage ( urban fantasy with a romantic subplot ) . It 's going to take a lot of time . Revising is one of my least favorite things to do . Yet marketing it properly when I submit a novel is something I like even less . I will take my lessons learn and apply them , and hopefully * knock on wood * I 'll have a novel with a wonderful press next year . Goal # 4 : Complete the A to Z Blogging Challenge in April . I 'm very excited about this challenge . I think I might do a story that covers all 26 days . The tricky part will be making it apply to each letter . I also realized that April will be a hectic month for me . My son 's and husband 's birthdays , and we 'll be visiting my family in Canada for a week . I 'll have to make sure my blog posts are written beforehand . The generous Nicole Zoltack has put out the offer of critiques . All you have to do is follow her blog ! You can choose a query , synopsis or first page critique . Just email her one of the above . First come , first serve ! Thank you , Nicole ! Posted by It 's not typical in adult paranormal romances , but sometimes we do come across the virgin heroine . She might be successful at everything else in her life , but love has always eluded her and she 's not one to just sleep around . It allows an innocence and newness to the romance , drawing the reader along as she meets a mysterious and gorgeous individual whom she can 't stop hungering for . I prefer an experienced heroine , but I don 't mind a virgin as long as she is well written . No one knows exactly what to do the first time around . No one has multiple orgasms the first time , nor after a minute or two in bed with her lover . Be realistic . The loss of her virginity would be a big emotional scene , a turning point in her identity . Not only in how she sees herself , but how others see her . The hero 's realization that she 's a virgin can also be a pivotal point . And the villain 's if it is important to their evil plot ! I 've heard the argument that an inexperienced heroine and a very experienced hero creates inequality in romance novels . Sometimes women do fantasize about being taken by a lover who knows exactly what to do . It 's about surrendering , giving yourself , and all the emotions that go with it . It 's becoming less common to find a virgin heroine and a promiscuous hero falling for one another , but the fantasy still attracts readers . Also , there is a rise in promiscuous heroines who are more experienced than the men . A few times , more so in YA than in adult books , the heroine and hero will both be virgins . Please join me in welcoming short story writer and poet , James Dorr to my blog . He contacted me after we both got a short horror story accepted into the Indiana Horror Anthology 2011 and extended an invitation to me to join his writers ' group , S . C . I . F . I . - South Central Indiana Fiction Interface . He 's tough with his critiques , but I prefer it that way . I 've learned a lot from him in the group . Christine : I understand you 've just published a book of poetry about vampires . Vampires seem to hold a lot of fascination for other people too . What do you think the fascination is based on ? James : Yes , Vamps ( A Retrospective ) was published by Sam 's Dot Publishing ( http : / / sdpbookstore . com / poetrybooks . htm # vamps ) this August . The fascination with vampires seems to be universal , stories go back to at least ancient Rome , and most cultures seem to have some variation on the myth . But why shouldn 't it be ? Vampires represent the nexus between sex and death , birth and rebirth , or in Freudian terms eros and thanatos . And who of us can say that these aren 't our favorite subjects , at least at times ? Last year you had a Christmas story , " The Christmas Vulture , " in the ezine Untied Shoelaces of the Mind ( reprinted this September in their 2011 Anthology ) . Do you write a holiday story every Christmas and , if so , what can we expect this year ? Another favorite subject , at least in Western societies , though Christmas is celebrated these days to some degree the world over . This also makes for powerful icons , ones begging ( to a horror writer ) to be cast down , or at least messed with some . My first , simply called " A Christmas Story , " appeared in the Winter 1991 - 92 issue of Cemetery Dance and I 've written one or sometimes more nearly every year since . That one was about a boy who poisons Santa 's snack in retaliation for crummy presents the year before ( Santa 's snack is always a good subject ) while two stories just out this year , " Naughty or Nice " in Daily Science Fiction ( archived on www . dailysciencefiction . com as of Dec . 28 ) and I 'm Dreaming Of A . . . as a short story e - book by Untreed Reads Publishing ( store . untreedreads . com ) , are about , respectively , a Parisian vampiress 's letter to St . Nick and snow that eats meat . " The Christmas Vulture , " incidentally , is still available in issue 3 of Untied Shoelaces at www . untiedshoelacesofthemind . com . You write poetry too . Do you think that has an effect on your fiction writing ? Absolutely , and in several ways , if only because writing poetry helps instill a love of words - - and the way they sound - - as well as practicing compact expression within set rules ( even This one 's easy , though the answer can vary from time to time , depending perhaps on what I 'm working on at a given moment . Edgar Allan Poe , Ray Bradbury , Allen Ginsberg ( less so now , perhaps , but especially in my longer poetry ) , Bertolt Brecht ( social motivations and intentional distancing - - his notion of " epic theatre " - - in certain stories ) . Going back to the first question , what is your fascination withvampires ? Is there anything else you bring to the subject ? Two things perhaps , one being music . Somehow vampires seem to me to go well with jazz and jazz themes ( this may be from the Ginsbergian influence cited above , though in this case affecting shorter poems too . You 'll see it in Vamps . ) Then the other , for want of a better term , might be domesticity . Vampires are great as distant , mysterious , and , yes , sexy figures , but what if you dated or married one . Do you take turns washing the blood - stained coffee cups piling up in the sink ? What has been the toughest criticism you 've received ? Your biggest compliment ? Not naming names , I just remembered what might be the toughest . In graduate school , I wrote a weekly column for an alternate student newspaper as well as doing utility writing as needed , film and theatre reviews , etc . One year one professor marked my first paper for him with words to the effect that " you need to learn how to write a good , clear English sentence , " to which my first thought was " Wow , I hope my editor hasn 't noticed ! " ( Not to worry , much of my column work was done under pen names , in part not to let it interfere with academics , but also , in fairness , there are certain stories I deliberately write in a florid style that have evoked occasional comments about " convoluted sentences . " When an editor complains about one , I usually just break it up into two parts . ) As for the best , I 'm still amazed that editors actually buy my work and pay money for it , so in a way almost any sale is a compliment . Two that stand out , though , were a phone call received from Charles Grant accepting thI 've put these together because the answer to both is the same : I really don 't know . I know that I 'd want to have some kind of creative outlet , but I also play music and I used to draw ( I still do very crude cartoons sometimes ) . Perhaps I could say that poetry ( as well as creative prose ) should evoke images much like visual art and I 've already mentioned that poetry ( add to that prose , too ) also involves sound , so maybe I 'm getting the best of all worlds . As to which I 'm drawn to the most , it depends on the project . Short poetry is faster , at least in first draft , if only because it 's short , often requiring only the germ of an idea to bring out , though as for longer poems they require as much pre - planning - - for structure , for instance , as much as a story relies on plot ; for mood perhaps as a replacement for characters - - as a piece of fiction . Your writing 's quirky and always manages to surprise me which is a difficult thing to do . Where do you get your inspiration ? How do you stay original ? First off , I 'm flattered by your question , not the least because I consider lack of imagination one of my greatest flaws . I have to go out and wrestle with the muse - - no sitting around for me waiting for " creative juices " to flow ( I keep seeing that phrase in writers ' magazines and it 's always seemed vaguely obscene to me . Perhaps that could be an idea for a story ) . I like themed anthologies because they give a hint from the start about what to write about , the game then being finding some other idea or ideas to graft to it . And that , I think , is the answer to inspiration , that it involves the creative combining of ideas . A vampire and a saint combined with a childlike writing letters to Santa . Me and others combing the shelves of the CVS store the day after Christmas searching for marked - down candy combined with my sudden thought that we were like vultures . I usually carry a pen and some paper , so that got jotted down . As for the other part , staying original , maybe it 's just that I steal with grJames Dorr is a short story writer and poet with two collections , STRANGE MISTRESSES : TALES OF WONDER AND ROMANCE and DARKER LOVES : TALES OF MYSTERY AND REGRET , published by Dark Regions Press and an illustrated all - poetry collection , VAMPS ( A RETROSPECTIVE ) , from Sam 's Dot Publishing . He also has a novella , THE GARDEN , available in electronic and print chapbook form from Damnation Books ; electronic chapbooks VANITAS and I ' M DREAMING OF A . . . from Untreed Reads Publishing ; and nearly four hundred individual appearances in magazines and anthologies in the US , Canada , Britain , France , Australia , Holland , and Brazil , ranging from ABORIGINAL SCIENCE FICTION and ALFRED HITCHCOCK ' S MYSTERY MAGAZINE to XENOPHILIA and THE YELLOW BAT REVIEW . Dorr has worked a number of jobs including technical writer , city editor on a regional magazine , full time non - fiction freelancer , and semi - professional musician , and now resides in southern Indiana with current cat , Wednesday , named for Wednesday Addams in the original TV series THE ADDAMS FAMILY . It was a quiet Christmas for us this year , but very nice . Our son opened two presents , grew bored , and demanded we clean up . He loves the easel we bought him and the LeapPad from his Gramma . He 's such a gadget freak like his father ! It was such a mild day , we spent the afternoon at one of the local parks . We had so much fun , we didn 't leave until the sun had set . Surprisingly , the park was pretty busy . Lots of people enjoying the day out with their families . Teaser Tuesdays is a weekly bookish meme , hosted by MizB of Should Be Reading . Anyone can play along ! Just do the following : Grab your current read Open to a random page Share two ( 2 ) " teaser " sentences from somewhere on that page BE CAREFUL NOT TO INCLUDE SPOILERS ! ( make sure that what you share doesn 't give too much away ! You don 't want to ruin the book for others ! ) Share the title & author , too , so that other TT participants can add the book to their TBR Lists if they like your teasers ! I love Richelle Mead 's Vampire Academy series . Succubus Blues is the first book in the Georgina Kincaid series , adult paranormal romance . The first page made me laugh . Great start . You have to love a reluctant succubus ! Sleep with Seth Mortensen ? Good grief . It was the most preposterous thing I 'd ever heard . It was appalling . If I absorbed his life force , there was no telling how long it 'd be until his next book came out . ( page 25 ) My son sat on Santa 's lap this year , but he wasn 't exactly happy about it . He didn 't think too much of the candy cane either . Yet when he see the photo on the cabinet , he says : " Santa . Lap . Sit . Candy . " This is my entry for Heather 's holiday story contest . Here 's the details : It 's very simple . I want to read your most original , scary or uplifting holiday story ( I like both , so since this is my contest - I figure I 'll make you write what I like to read ! ) . Now , notice I didn 't say " Christmas " ; it can be ANY holiday you celebrate ! It does NOT have to be a holiday that occurs in winter months . The entry can be no more than 500 words . " What ? " Barb shot me a glance . " Shush and stop being so melodramatic . " She returned her attention to the CEO as he finished his Christmas toast . Everyone raised their glasses and shouted , " Cheers ! " I didn 't pick up my glass . There was nothing for me to toast . Victor didn 't show for our first date . My stomach was hard and heavy , and there wasn 't a sympathetic shoulder to lean on . A chant of " Santa , Santa , Santa " pounded into my head . Bells jingled and someone flipped on Christmas music . A man in a red suit and horribly fake beard strode into the room , playing up to the crowd . He danced with the girls and gave high fives to the guys . " Oh come on , hon . So what ? Some jerk stood you up . I 'm single and you don 't see me getting all depressed . " She hooked her arm through mine and yanked me forward . " It 's two days until Christmas . It 's an open bar . And have you seen how good you look tonight ? Santa 's going to drool into your cleavage . " " That 's exactly what I want for Christmas . " I rolled my eyes , but I let her drag me into the line . I knew Barb was right , but it was still hard to feel festive when all I could imagine was Victor 's gorgeous smile and the sparkle in his eyes . Lost to my own dreary thoughts , I hadn 't realized we were at the front of the line until Barb shoved me forward . I stumbled , half - sitting on Santa 's leg and using the arm of the chair to balance myself . I felt silly sitting on his lap , but it was a company tradition . Sound asleep . The sweet little guy . He 's so adorable . Then when he was awake today , EWWWWWW ! My son has a rotavirus . I won 't describe it . You can click on the link and that will be enough said . I 'm happy we got a carpet steam cleaner as an early Christmas present . Aside from all my cleaning and comforting today , I managed to get a nice chunk of writing done . I 'm that much closer to the big climax of my current novel . I won 't get it done before Christmas like I hoped , but maybe the end of December . * knocks on wood * There are paranormal romances that are light - hearted and silly . They don 't have a dark atmosphere , but most of the books in this genre try to create a spooky feeling at some point in the story . It 's a tough thing to do . There 's only one Stephen King . As for the rest of us , we have to use all the tricks at our disposal . When I think creepy atmosphere , I think setting . Graveyards , haunted houses , empty streets . Just placing your characters in an ill - lit room will help immensely . Yet it doesn 't have to be a horror stereotype . If you 're good , you can make any setting spooky . The reader is going to expect something out of the ordinary even if you place the scene in the ladies ' restroom or a wig shop . It 's in the details . Don 't over do it with lavish descriptions of dusty cobwebs , the wind blowing the drapes , and something lurking in the shadows . Drop a chilly detail here and there . Something that might be normal but isn 't quite . Something that will make the reader wonder . A writer 's best tool in creating a spooky scene is the reader 's imagination . The reader will always imagine something horrible and help to give themselves goosebumps . Part of the creepiness of a story is in creating suspense and tension . You want the reader on the edge of their seat . An effective way of doing this is through the characters ' reactions . Don 't let your text be filled with too much thinking . Describe what they 're seeing , hearing , smelling . Use all the senses . Write their physical reactions . Spooky stories are about showing rather than telling . Even with paranormal romance where things are out of the ordinary , try to keep things as realistic as possible . What scares people the most is if they start thinking something like that is possible . Hit on the things that frighten people the most and use them to help build up the tension . Vampires , werewolves , and other supernatural creatures can fear the same things as humans do . Teaser Tuesdays is a weekly bookish meme , hosted by MizB of Should Be Reading . Anyone can play along ! Just do the following : Grab your current read Open to a random page Share two ( 2 ) " teaser " sentences from somewhere on that page BE CAREFUL NOT TO INCLUDE SPOILERS ! ( make sure that what you share doesn 't give too much away ! You don 't want to ruin the book for others ! ) Share the title & author , too , so that other TT participants can add the book to their TBR Lists if they like your teasers ! Alex J . Cavanaugh 's CassaStar is a great break from the books I usually read . It 's space opera that reminds me of Battlestar Galactica in a way . I hear drums when the battles start . I usually watch more sci - fi than read it , but sometimes the written word can be as vivid as a film and Alex manages to do it . I 'm halfway through and it 's getting even better . Though , I don 't dare have my Nook out when little toddler hands can grab it ! WINNERS ! WINNERS ! WINNERS ! Thank you to everyone who commented and entered in the giveaway . And thank you , David , for doing the interview and giveaway . You were great ! David is excited to give away some holiday prizes . Random . org , please give us the lucky numbers ! The winner of the signed copy of To Kids From One to Ninety Two is : Amy at The Ramblings of Amy I 've always been able to remember my dreams . And , oh , what dreams I have ! Lots of monsters , haunted houses , flying , and walking out of the house without pants . My dreams inspire me to write a lot of stories . I 've a lot of control over my dreams too . I know I 'm dreaming , and if I 'm unhappy with the way a dream is going , I can change it or wake up . I am Neo of the dream world . I had a fun one the other night . I woke up at six to pee , and knowing that I only had another hour or so of sleep ahead of me , I went back to bed . In the dream , I had to save a mermaid girl from two evil brothers . ( They were like the evil versions of the Kratts Brothers . ) The mermaid was the key to ridding the world of pollution and saving life on the planet itself . I got held up in a house with friends . We were surrounded by the Brothers ' goons . I knew I only had a few more minutes of sleep ahead of me . I needed the action to go quicker . I walked outside and giant mutant dogs lunged at me . I held up a hand and said , " Sit . " They sat . The goons aimed guns at me . I said , " No bullets . " The guns were all empty . I ran down the road . I had to get to the beach , but it was across town . Nope , not acceptable . I created a road right there that lead to the beach . There was a huge line of people waiting to get in through the military checkpoint - like entrance . I jumped up to the top of a cliff and ran off , flying out over the water . The Atlantic Ocean . How was I going to find the mermaid ? Well , I sent the Pez Army to track the Brothers . It was easy to spot the Pez Army since it was so large . Yes , I said Pez Army . Those little sugar candies are powerful as they are yummy . I flew out and was about to rescue the mermaid when my alarm went off . Maybe the brothers planned that too . Hmm . This is the continuation of my Holiday Snapshots series . Every Saturday this month , I 'm posting holiday themed photos . My cards are out and my shopping 's done . Up with the tree today and a holiday party later this evening ! You still have a few days to enter the David Salnave holiday book giveaway on my blog . He 'll make you laugh and he 'll make you feel warm and fuzzy inside . Perfect holiday gift . We all love giveaways . Free stuff ! It 's even better during the holidays when we 're spending too much money as it is . Here 's a list of fantastic contests and giveaways . Click , enter and be merry ! Cherie Reich is giving away six critiques on her writing blog and three books she 's reviewed on her book review blog . She 's an editor and an awesome critique partner . A critique by her is a fabulous gift to yourself . Plus , books . Need I say more ? Heather at My Demon Spirits is having a holiday short story contest . Stories can be funny , uplifting or scary , and must be no longer than 500 words . First place winner gets a $ 25 Amazon gift card . Second place wins an e - reader cozy and third place a leather writing journal . Great prizes ! It 's Melissa Bradley 's birthday at Melissa 's Imaginarium . Leave a comment on her birthday post to win a copy of any of her stories . I 'm in the mood for cake right now . Allison Pang offers you a chance to win a Nook as part of the Mistletoe Madness Blog Hop Part 2 . All you have to do is write a hedgehog haiku . Here 's the link to all the contests in the Mistletoe Madness Blog Hop . If there 's any you want to include , please leave a link in the comments section . I 'll appreciate it as much as everyone else . Happy Friday ! This made me laugh . I couldn 't resist participating in Grumpy Bulldog 's Blahg Fest . I 've been known to be a bit of a humbug now and then . Less so now that I have a child , but the humbug still creeps out on those dark December nights . 1 . Fruitcake . It 's one of those things that make me inwardly cringe . It looks like . . . Well , I won 't say . I don 't want anyone else experiencing nausea when looking at those things . Blech . 3 . Family guilt trips . My family lives in Canada . My husband 's parents are divorced . We have to decide between three different places to spend Christmas . Those we aren 't with at Christmas give guilt trips . This year , we 're staying home and not traveling . The guilt trips are coming in like a blinding blizzard . 4 . Mothers should not buy their adult daughters Christmas panties . Every year it happens . Socks , please . Socks are a much better option . I never want my mom thinking about something only my husband and I will ever see . 5 . The awkward moment when someone unexpected gives you a gift and you haven 't bought anything for them . You try to be gracious and apologetic . But they know there 's nothing you can say to make up for the fact they got you something and you didn 't get them a thing . I 've seen the Facebook updates . I know what they say after the fact . 7 . The Elf on the Shelf . My brother and his wife gave us one last year . My son loves it . The thing gives me the willies . 8 . Shopping . I don 't like shopping to begin with . I tried to do all my shopping online this year . I didn 't succeed . People are so much ruder and aggressive this time of year at the stores . My sympathy to those of you who work retail . 9 . Christmas cards . I like to send out cards and I like to receive them . I make sure they 're all addressed and ready to go before December . I send out about 60 of them . On average , I get about 15 back . It makes me pout . 10 . Advent Calendars . Only one chocolate a day ? Oh no , I don 't think so . At least a dozen would make it more worthwhile . Almost every woman says she wants a nice , funny guy . No matter what the media tells you , it 's true . Real stories of women seeking out the bad boys are exaggerated . Nice guys don 't finish last . We don 't see that many nice guys in romance novels , though . Why is that ? Women want to read about the bad boy with the hidden heart of gold . Women of every social class , of every age . Again , you ask why ? For the fantasy of it , for an escape from reality . If you ask the same women if they want a man in real life like the arrogant and possessive heroes in the books , they 'll say no . They want the nice guys . Nice guys are almost impossible to find in paranormal romance . The dark supernatural worlds with all those monsters to fight tend to produce hardened men . Or the men that the heroines fall for are the monsters . I love all the layers this adds to the romance aspect of the story . Ah , the complexities of being a vampire 's life - mate or falling for a gorgeous ghost that you can 't even touch . Not that paranormal romance is void of nice guys . Usually they 're family or friends . Not the love interest . I find nice guys are more common in YA than adult . I 'm glad for that . The most popular example I can think of is the Harry Potter series . I love that Harry and Ron were nice guys . They prove you can have a fantastic story with nice guys . They each got the girl at the end too . My heroes are usually the sarcastic , arrogant type . They 're just so much fun to write . Of course , they can be highly moral and have good hearts , but they have flaws that would make them highly annoying in real life . I should take up the challenge and write a story with a nice guy as the hero . Do you prefer reading romances with the bad boy or the nice guy ? Can you name any paranormal romances with a nice guy as the love interest ? Teaser Tuesdays is a weekly bookish meme , hosted by MizB of Should Be Reading . Anyone can play along ! Just do the following : Grab your current read Open to a random page Share two ( 2 ) " teaser " sentences from somewhere on that page BE CAREFUL NOT TO INCLUDE SPOILERS ! ( make sure that what you share doesn 't give too much away ! You don 't want to ruin the book for others ! ) Share the title & author , too , so that other TT participants can add the book to their TBR Lists if they like your teasers ! I would have never picked up this book on my own . I browse the YA section more often these days , but a book about suicide wouldn 't draw me in . I 've heard a lot of great things about Jay Asher 's book and they 're all true . I 'm blown away . I won 't say it 's the best thing I 've ever read , but the teen inside of me reacted to it . The little things do affect all of us . Here 's your teaser : For Jessica , it was easier to think of me as Bad Hannah than as the Hannah she got to know at Monet 's . It was easier to accept . Easier to understand . ( page 66 ) The fire is crackling merrily and the smell of freshly baked cookies fills the house . The room is large but cozy , and filled with happy friends and family . Everyone is smiling and a few people have eggnog mustaches . There 's a big tree in the corner with presents piled high underneath . I think the elf on the shelf just winked at you . Come on in and take a seat by the fire . I want to introduce you to an old friend of mine . Someone who would always make me laugh in the mornings so I could get through the cold winter days . Please welcome David Salnave , comedian and author of To Kids From One to Ninety Two . Put on your favorite Christmas album and grab a cup of hot cocoa , To Kids From One to Ninety Two is just what you need to get into the spirit of the season . A collection of Christmas cheer with just the right amount of cheese , these stories are a reminder to ADULTS of all ages that we should never get too old , or busy , or cool to enjoy the holidays with childlike wonder . Christine : I 'm excited to have you here . I 'm even more excited that you 've published a wonderful book that makes me giggle , and feel warm and fuzzy too . What inspired you to write this book ? David : There were many inspirations behind this book . From my family and friends , to the fond Christmas memories and great Christmas stories I grew up on . I have a lot of Christmas Spirit that has been passed on to me , and I have always been eager to share it with others . D : My favorite thing about the holidays is that it gives people an excuse to set everything else aside and enjoy the things that matter most to them . Family , friends , charity , taking a break from the grind . Sometimes we lose sight of what we need most in life . D : Well , once they figured out that it wasn 't a joke , they were very happy for me . That reminds me , I need to give out some guilt trips to those who have not yet bought their copy ! D : I think I had the most fun writing the introduction . That is where I really spoke person to person with the reader the most . The intro really gives the reader a clear picture of what the thought process behind this book was . C : What affected your decision to self publish ? And do you have any advice for writers wanting to do so ? D : I think time and inexperience were the biggest factors . I do not regret self publishing , but there is a lot that you have to be careful of . As for advice , check and recheck your work . Trust me , there will be something you missed . Better you catch it then someone else . D : I will be writing a new Christmas story for next year called the Christmas Consultant . Its about a man who makes a living making Christmas dreams come true for others , but never really took the time to focus on his own happiness . It 's sort of like Hitch meets White Christmas . C : Awesome ! I can 't wait to read it . Thank you so much for stopping by . Feel free to mingle and help yourself to the cookies . David has some fantastic gifts for all of you . He 's giving away a signed paperback copy of his book , an e - copy of his book , and three video Christmas cards . To enter , leave a comment below along with your email address . In one week , the winners will be chosen by Random . org . Bio : David Salnave is a born and bred New Yorker who has been writing and doing standup comedy for the past four years . He prides himself on being a pretty tough guy , but has always had a big soft spot in his heart for the Christmas season . It 's the only time of year when he allows himself to be as sappy and childlike as he can be . He 's a firm believer that we all need to make time in our lives to just focus on being happy , and that Christmas provides us with the perfect opportunity to do so . David hopes his writing helps people to remember this , and to maintain perspective on what is most important in life . I 'm watching Snowmageddon on Syfy as I type this . Oh , how I love to laugh at these wonderfully horrible movies . The fun of cursed snow globes . Is it a rule of Syfy movies that no one is allowed to use common sense ? I have 151 followers . Yay ! Welcome to my little corner of Blogger . It 's wonderful to meet you all . When I hit 200 , I 'll have another giveaway . Yet wait ! I 'll be having a holiday giveaway this week . Jingle your bells and do happy Snoopy dance . I have a special guest coming to visit and he 's feeling the Christmas spirit . Don 't miss your chance to win some cool prizes . In writing news , well , there is none . I 've still not been feeling the greatest . Instead of writing when my son has been napping , I 've been napping too . I 've lost a lot of writing and blogging time . Back to the doctor 's on Wednesday . Hopefully my body will experience some holiday magic and be reinvigorated . If you didn 't see last week , I 'm doing a series of holiday photos every Saturday this month . I thought about decorating my blog , but I still haven 't gotten to decorating my house . The cards have to go out first and then I need to get my shopping done . It 's that time of year ! I 've talked about a lot about the different aspects of how to market paranormal romances . I 've been asked a few times to use examples from my own work . Here we go . It 's time to put all those tips and research to work . I 'm going to use a novel that has gotten a lot of attention from agents and publishers , but somehow , I never make the sale . Why ? I 've been marketing it all wrong . It 's taken me a long time to realize why I couldn 't sell it . I was too close to the story . I took a break from it to work on a few other manuscripts and now I see it with fresh eyes . It surprises me how much I 've changed and how I 've grown as a writer . How could I have thought what I was doing was the right way ? I have a particular love - hate relationship with the protagonist , Magena Silver . She 's been with me for a number of years . We know each other well . Perhaps too well . She likes to get her way and knows how to manipulate me , but her way isn 't always the right way . The first issue : the title . The book was originally called Alchemy . I was very attached to the title , but it doesn 't speak to a paranormal romance audience . It 's plain . It doesn 't have any character . It could be a " How To " book for what anyone could guess from the title alone . The new title : Witch 's First Rule . This says a lot more . Saying " witch " allows the potential reader to know what they 're dealing with . It 's a paranormal . It has something to do with rules . The twist is it 's not rules of magic , but Magena 's rules of dating . It 'll make the potential reader curious to find out what this first rule is . It 's also a play on the title of a famous fantasy novel by Terry Goodkind . I sent a query letter out to several agents and publishers . One in seven responded with interest and asked to see the full manuscript . Each time it was rejected . It wasn 't what they were looking for . So what did they see in my query letter - particularly the blurb - that led them to believe it was something else ? Here 's the old blurb : Magena Silver is a professional celebrity and a witch . She 's the most successful marriage therapist in America because she secretly slips love potions to her clients . In Alchemy , she helps one couple and it turns out to be a grave mistake . The father of the wife is a powerful witch - a Master - and he wants Magena to make an antidote or else he will kill her . Magena fails to make one and must discover another way to defeat the Master with the help of her companions . She is caught up in an ancient battle between two powerful families and must deal with a lovesick gypsy as well as her attraction to the handsome empath the Master has sent to watch her . Not hot . Not quirky . None of Magena 's personality in it . It attracted attention , though . Were they hoping for a lot of magic ? Witch fights ? Alchemist details ? There isn 't a lot of magic . There 's fighting , but it 's not the focus of the story . There 's very little details about alchemy . It 's about people and relationships . It 's a paranormal , but the romance drama trumps it all . It has the main character and the conflict , but not in a way that best markets them . It has a hook , but it 's not as powerful as it could be . It needs to show just how unique this book is compared to other paranormal romances . It 's fast - paced and hot , but the blurb definitely doesn 't mirror this . There 's mounting tension , but even I 'm not drawn in by that part and I love the story . OR The first rule of dating Magena Silver : don 't get emotionally attached . Yes , she breaks her rules . I think this hook works more efficiently than the previous one . Yet I 'd still like to say she 's a professional celebrity and a witch . I need to set up the paranormal feel and the conflict . This is tricky . Teaser Tuesdays is a weekly bookish meme , hosted by MizB of Should Be Reading . Anyone can play along ! Just do the following : Grab your current read Open to a random page Share two ( 2 ) " teaser " sentences from somewhere on that page BE CAREFUL NOT TO INCLUDE SPOILERS ! ( make sure that what you share doesn 't give too much away ! You don 't want to ruin the book for others ! ) Share the title & author , too , so that other TT participants can add the book to their TBR Lists if they like your teasers ! During the holidays when things get busy and sometimes things get stressful , I need a funny and light read . Laura Resnick definitely provides it with Vamparazzi . It 's a novel in her Esther Diamond series . A hilarious supernatural read . It 's a little silly and a little naughty , and great for bringing on holiday visits when you need a few minutes to get away from things . I still haven 't gotten back to writing . This isn 't good ! Today was just so busy . Hopefully tomorrow I 'll enjoy a quiet nap time and get back to my story . I have my writers ' group this coming Saturday . I submitted the blurb for Sorrow Phage to be critiqued . My CP , Cherie Reich , helped me already with it . I still need to think of a new title for the novel . Why did Vampires in a Mortuary suddenly pop into my head ? Darn Snakes on a Plane . I can have my protagonist screaming , " Enough is enough ! I 've had it with these demon killing vampires in this brother - father mortuary ! " My Christmas shopping is done . I mailed out the packages to my family in Canada today . I also received packages from my mom today . She told me to open one gift early . A new digital camera ! She just wants her daily photo of my son . My doctor 's appointment went well today . All my tests came back clean . Surprisingly , with all the treats I 've had lately , my blood sugar was excellent . I have one more test next week just to clear out the final possibility . I 'm starting a new medication , but everything is good . High blood pressure is nothing to ignore or mess around with . It 's been a little while since I participated in Saturday Snapshot , and I don 't want to officially do it since I don 't know if I 'll have the time to look at other people 's pictures this weekend . So much to do ! I 'm scared to go shopping . Very scared . I 'm going to post holiday photos every Saturday this month . My bit of holiday fun here . Hopefully they 'll make you go " awww ! " or laugh hysterically . My son 's first photo with Santa last year . He didn 't know what to make of Santa , but he loved the cute elves ! ( He 's always been a ladies ' man . ) Strangely , this year , my son calls him " Claus . " No Santa . Health update : No word from the lab yet , but I 've been feeling better the past few days . Hopefully the medication they have me on is doing the trick . I 've got lots to do this weekend , so I won 't get much relaxing done . I need some energy to brave the stores ! I haven 't gotten back to my NaNo novel yet . It 's been over a week . I haven 't even thought about it . I 've been trying to catch up on email and blogs , but I 've been a little slow at that . Plus , I have some stories I need to critique . Not how I imagined starting off December . The reason for this is I 've had some health issues come up . Hopefully it can all be helped by a regular dose of medication , but I 'm still waiting on the test results . I 'll be back to see my doctor on Monday . I need to do up a will . Has anyone out there done theirs ? I 'm curious if it would be better to do it with a lawyer or do it myself . I don 't think anyone would disrespect my wishes if it wasn 't witnessed and signed by a lawyer , but if something happened to both my husband and I , I want the guardianship for my son very clear . I 'm a writer , blogger , and geek mom . I write paranormal romance and urban fantasy . I love a dark and gritty story . I have four degrees which don 't help at all with motherhood , but make me a great Jeopardy player . Member of S . C . I . F . I . and Untethered Realms . A big thank you to Sherry Ellis for passing on the Top Commenter Award . You 're so sweet ! You 're one of my top commenters an . . . I 've always been able to remember my dreams . And , oh , what dreams I have ! Lots of monsters , haunted houses , flying , and walking out of t . . . My paranormal romance novella , FEARLESS , will be released on August 7th . To help promote it , I wanted to do something fun . One of my favorit . . .
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I didn 't do nearly as much writing as I wanted to this year , but I learned a lot about the craft , networking , and critiquing . Learning how to tear apart someone else 's story makes me a better writer in the end when I do the same for myself . Connecting with other writers has also helped encourage me and taught me so much . You guys are the greatest ! Goal # 1 : I want to get back to writing one short story a month and submitting it . I did this for a few years before my son was born , but I lost a lot of momentum when I had a newborn to care for . This will also mean I will have one new short story to present to my CPs and writers ' group every month . My lessons in critiquing will continue . Goal # 2 : Try to get one short story polished to such a degree that it is published in a SFWA approved publication . This is a very difficult thing to do . I want it , though . I want it so much . It will take work , work , and more work , and whole load of originality and great storytelling . Goal # 3 : Revise and submit three of my paranormal romances : Witch 's First Rule ( mainstream adult paranormal romance ) , A Lion 's Heart ( erotic paranormal romance ) , and Sorrow Phage ( urban fantasy with a romantic subplot ) . It 's going to take a lot of time . Revising is one of my least favorite things to do . Yet marketing it properly when I submit a novel is something I like even less . I will take my lessons learn and apply them , and hopefully * knock on wood * I 'll have a novel with a wonderful press next year . Goal # 4 : Complete the A to Z Blogging Challenge in April . I 'm very excited about this challenge . I think I might do a story that covers all 26 days . The tricky part will be making it apply to each letter . I also realized that April will be a hectic month for me . My son 's and husband 's birthdays , and we 'll be visiting my family in Canada for a week . I 'll have to make sure my blog posts are written beforehand . The generous Nicole Zoltack has put out the offer of critiques . All you have to do is follow her blog ! You can choose a query , synopsis or first page critique . Just email her one of the above . First come , first serve ! Thank you , Nicole ! Posted by It 's not typical in adult paranormal romances , but sometimes we do come across the virgin heroine . She might be successful at everything else in her life , but love has always eluded her and she 's not one to just sleep around . It allows an innocence and newness to the romance , drawing the reader along as she meets a mysterious and gorgeous individual whom she can 't stop hungering for . I prefer an experienced heroine , but I don 't mind a virgin as long as she is well written . No one knows exactly what to do the first time around . No one has multiple orgasms the first time , nor after a minute or two in bed with her lover . Be realistic . The loss of her virginity would be a big emotional scene , a turning point in her identity . Not only in how she sees herself , but how others see her . The hero 's realization that she 's a virgin can also be a pivotal point . And the villain 's if it is important to their evil plot ! I 've heard the argument that an inexperienced heroine and a very experienced hero creates inequality in romance novels . Sometimes women do fantasize about being taken by a lover who knows exactly what to do . It 's about surrendering , giving yourself , and all the emotions that go with it . It 's becoming less common to find a virgin heroine and a promiscuous hero falling for one another , but the fantasy still attracts readers . Also , there is a rise in promiscuous heroines who are more experienced than the men . A few times , more so in YA than in adult books , the heroine and hero will both be virgins . Please join me in welcoming short story writer and poet , James Dorr to my blog . He contacted me after we both got a short horror story accepted into the Indiana Horror Anthology 2011 and extended an invitation to me to join his writers ' group , S . C . I . F . I . - South Central Indiana Fiction Interface . He 's tough with his critiques , but I prefer it that way . I 've learned a lot from him in the group . Christine : I understand you 've just published a book of poetry about vampires . Vampires seem to hold a lot of fascination for other people too . What do you think the fascination is based on ? James : Yes , Vamps ( A Retrospective ) was published by Sam 's Dot Publishing ( http : / / sdpbookstore . com / poetrybooks . htm # vamps ) this August . The fascination with vampires seems to be universal , stories go back to at least ancient Rome , and most cultures seem to have some variation on the myth . But why shouldn 't it be ? Vampires represent the nexus between sex and death , birth and rebirth , or in Freudian terms eros and thanatos . And who of us can say that these aren 't our favorite subjects , at least at times ? Last year you had a Christmas story , " The Christmas Vulture , " in the ezine Untied Shoelaces of the Mind ( reprinted this September in their 2011 Anthology ) . Do you write a holiday story every Christmas and , if so , what can we expect this year ? Another favorite subject , at least in Western societies , though Christmas is celebrated these days to some degree the world over . This also makes for powerful icons , ones begging ( to a horror writer ) to be cast down , or at least messed with some . My first , simply called " A Christmas Story , " appeared in the Winter 1991 - 92 issue of Cemetery Dance and I 've written one or sometimes more nearly every year since . That one was about a boy who poisons Santa 's snack in retaliation for crummy presents the year before ( Santa 's snack is always a good subject ) while two stories just out this year , " Naughty or Nice " in Daily Science Fiction ( archived on www . dailysciencefiction . com as of Dec . 28 ) and I 'm Dreaming Of A . . . as a short story e - book by Untreed Reads Publishing ( store . untreedreads . com ) , are about , respectively , a Parisian vampiress 's letter to St . Nick and snow that eats meat . " The Christmas Vulture , " incidentally , is still available in issue 3 of Untied Shoelaces at www . untiedshoelacesofthemind . com . You write poetry too . Do you think that has an effect on your fiction writing ? Absolutely , and in several ways , if only because writing poetry helps instill a love of words - - and the way they sound - - as well as practicing compact expression within set rules ( even This one 's easy , though the answer can vary from time to time , depending perhaps on what I 'm working on at a given moment . Edgar Allan Poe , Ray Bradbury , Allen Ginsberg ( less so now , perhaps , but especially in my longer poetry ) , Bertolt Brecht ( social motivations and intentional distancing - - his notion of " epic theatre " - - in certain stories ) . Going back to the first question , what is your fascination withvampires ? Is there anything else you bring to the subject ? Two things perhaps , one being music . Somehow vampires seem to me to go well with jazz and jazz themes ( this may be from the Ginsbergian influence cited above , though in this case affecting shorter poems too . You 'll see it in Vamps . ) Then the other , for want of a better term , might be domesticity . Vampires are great as distant , mysterious , and , yes , sexy figures , but what if you dated or married one . Do you take turns washing the blood - stained coffee cups piling up in the sink ? What has been the toughest criticism you 've received ? Your biggest compliment ? Not naming names , I just remembered what might be the toughest . In graduate school , I wrote a weekly column for an alternate student newspaper as well as doing utility writing as needed , film and theatre reviews , etc . One year one professor marked my first paper for him with words to the effect that " you need to learn how to write a good , clear English sentence , " to which my first thought was " Wow , I hope my editor hasn 't noticed ! " ( Not to worry , much of my column work was done under pen names , in part not to let it interfere with academics , but also , in fairness , there are certain stories I deliberately write in a florid style that have evoked occasional comments about " convoluted sentences . " When an editor complains about one , I usually just break it up into two parts . ) As for the best , I 'm still amazed that editors actually buy my work and pay money for it , so in a way almost any sale is a compliment . Two that stand out , though , were a phone call received from Charles Grant accepting thI 've put these together because the answer to both is the same : I really don 't know . I know that I 'd want to have some kind of creative outlet , but I also play music and I used to draw ( I still do very crude cartoons sometimes ) . Perhaps I could say that poetry ( as well as creative prose ) should evoke images much like visual art and I 've already mentioned that poetry ( add to that prose , too ) also involves sound , so maybe I 'm getting the best of all worlds . As to which I 'm drawn to the most , it depends on the project . Short poetry is faster , at least in first draft , if only because it 's short , often requiring only the germ of an idea to bring out , though as for longer poems they require as much pre - planning - - for structure , for instance , as much as a story relies on plot ; for mood perhaps as a replacement for characters - - as a piece of fiction . Your writing 's quirky and always manages to surprise me which is a difficult thing to do . Where do you get your inspiration ? How do you stay original ? First off , I 'm flattered by your question , not the least because I consider lack of imagination one of my greatest flaws . I have to go out and wrestle with the muse - - no sitting around for me waiting for " creative juices " to flow ( I keep seeing that phrase in writers ' magazines and it 's always seemed vaguely obscene to me . Perhaps that could be an idea for a story ) . I like themed anthologies because they give a hint from the start about what to write about , the game then being finding some other idea or ideas to graft to it . And that , I think , is the answer to inspiration , that it involves the creative combining of ideas . A vampire and a saint combined with a childlike writing letters to Santa . Me and others combing the shelves of the CVS store the day after Christmas searching for marked - down candy combined with my sudden thought that we were like vultures . I usually carry a pen and some paper , so that got jotted down . As for the other part , staying original , maybe it 's just that I steal with grJames Dorr is a short story writer and poet with two collections , STRANGE MISTRESSES : TALES OF WONDER AND ROMANCE and DARKER LOVES : TALES OF MYSTERY AND REGRET , published by Dark Regions Press and an illustrated all - poetry collection , VAMPS ( A RETROSPECTIVE ) , from Sam 's Dot Publishing . He also has a novella , THE GARDEN , available in electronic and print chapbook form from Damnation Books ; electronic chapbooks VANITAS and I ' M DREAMING OF A . . . from Untreed Reads Publishing ; and nearly four hundred individual appearances in magazines and anthologies in the US , Canada , Britain , France , Australia , Holland , and Brazil , ranging from ABORIGINAL SCIENCE FICTION and ALFRED HITCHCOCK ' S MYSTERY MAGAZINE to XENOPHILIA and THE YELLOW BAT REVIEW . Dorr has worked a number of jobs including technical writer , city editor on a regional magazine , full time non - fiction freelancer , and semi - professional musician , and now resides in southern Indiana with current cat , Wednesday , named for Wednesday Addams in the original TV series THE ADDAMS FAMILY . It was a quiet Christmas for us this year , but very nice . Our son opened two presents , grew bored , and demanded we clean up . He loves the easel we bought him and the LeapPad from his Gramma . He 's such a gadget freak like his father ! It was such a mild day , we spent the afternoon at one of the local parks . We had so much fun , we didn 't leave until the sun had set . Surprisingly , the park was pretty busy . Lots of people enjoying the day out with their families . Teaser Tuesdays is a weekly bookish meme , hosted by MizB of Should Be Reading . Anyone can play along ! Just do the following : Grab your current read Open to a random page Share two ( 2 ) " teaser " sentences from somewhere on that page BE CAREFUL NOT TO INCLUDE SPOILERS ! ( make sure that what you share doesn 't give too much away ! You don 't want to ruin the book for others ! ) Share the title & author , too , so that other TT participants can add the book to their TBR Lists if they like your teasers ! I love Richelle Mead 's Vampire Academy series . Succubus Blues is the first book in the Georgina Kincaid series , adult paranormal romance . The first page made me laugh . Great start . You have to love a reluctant succubus ! Sleep with Seth Mortensen ? Good grief . It was the most preposterous thing I 'd ever heard . It was appalling . If I absorbed his life force , there was no telling how long it 'd be until his next book came out . ( page 25 ) My son sat on Santa 's lap this year , but he wasn 't exactly happy about it . He didn 't think too much of the candy cane either . Yet when he see the photo on the cabinet , he says : " Santa . Lap . Sit . Candy . " This is my entry for Heather 's holiday story contest . Here 's the details : It 's very simple . I want to read your most original , scary or uplifting holiday story ( I like both , so since this is my contest - I figure I 'll make you write what I like to read ! ) . Now , notice I didn 't say " Christmas " ; it can be ANY holiday you celebrate ! It does NOT have to be a holiday that occurs in winter months . The entry can be no more than 500 words . " What ? " Barb shot me a glance . " Shush and stop being so melodramatic . " She returned her attention to the CEO as he finished his Christmas toast . Everyone raised their glasses and shouted , " Cheers ! " I didn 't pick up my glass . There was nothing for me to toast . Victor didn 't show for our first date . My stomach was hard and heavy , and there wasn 't a sympathetic shoulder to lean on . A chant of " Santa , Santa , Santa " pounded into my head . Bells jingled and someone flipped on Christmas music . A man in a red suit and horribly fake beard strode into the room , playing up to the crowd . He danced with the girls and gave high fives to the guys . " Oh come on , hon . So what ? Some jerk stood you up . I 'm single and you don 't see me getting all depressed . " She hooked her arm through mine and yanked me forward . " It 's two days until Christmas . It 's an open bar . And have you seen how good you look tonight ? Santa 's going to drool into your cleavage . " " That 's exactly what I want for Christmas . " I rolled my eyes , but I let her drag me into the line . I knew Barb was right , but it was still hard to feel festive when all I could imagine was Victor 's gorgeous smile and the sparkle in his eyes . Lost to my own dreary thoughts , I hadn 't realized we were at the front of the line until Barb shoved me forward . I stumbled , half - sitting on Santa 's leg and using the arm of the chair to balance myself . I felt silly sitting on his lap , but it was a company tradition . Sound asleep . The sweet little guy . He 's so adorable . Then when he was awake today , EWWWWWW ! My son has a rotavirus . I won 't describe it . You can click on the link and that will be enough said . I 'm happy we got a carpet steam cleaner as an early Christmas present . Aside from all my cleaning and comforting today , I managed to get a nice chunk of writing done . I 'm that much closer to the big climax of my current novel . I won 't get it done before Christmas like I hoped , but maybe the end of December . * knocks on wood * There are paranormal romances that are light - hearted and silly . They don 't have a dark atmosphere , but most of the books in this genre try to create a spooky feeling at some point in the story . It 's a tough thing to do . There 's only one Stephen King . As for the rest of us , we have to use all the tricks at our disposal . When I think creepy atmosphere , I think setting . Graveyards , haunted houses , empty streets . Just placing your characters in an ill - lit room will help immensely . Yet it doesn 't have to be a horror stereotype . If you 're good , you can make any setting spooky . The reader is going to expect something out of the ordinary even if you place the scene in the ladies ' restroom or a wig shop . It 's in the details . Don 't over do it with lavish descriptions of dusty cobwebs , the wind blowing the drapes , and something lurking in the shadows . Drop a chilly detail here and there . Something that might be normal but isn 't quite . Something that will make the reader wonder . A writer 's best tool in creating a spooky scene is the reader 's imagination . The reader will always imagine something horrible and help to give themselves goosebumps . Part of the creepiness of a story is in creating suspense and tension . You want the reader on the edge of their seat . An effective way of doing this is through the characters ' reactions . Don 't let your text be filled with too much thinking . Describe what they 're seeing , hearing , smelling . Use all the senses . Write their physical reactions . Spooky stories are about showing rather than telling . Even with paranormal romance where things are out of the ordinary , try to keep things as realistic as possible . What scares people the most is if they start thinking something like that is possible . Hit on the things that frighten people the most and use them to help build up the tension . Vampires , werewolves , and other supernatural creatures can fear the same things as humans do . Teaser Tuesdays is a weekly bookish meme , hosted by MizB of Should Be Reading . Anyone can play along ! Just do the following : Grab your current read Open to a random page Share two ( 2 ) " teaser " sentences from somewhere on that page BE CAREFUL NOT TO INCLUDE SPOILERS ! ( make sure that what you share doesn 't give too much away ! You don 't want to ruin the book for others ! ) Share the title & author , too , so that other TT participants can add the book to their TBR Lists if they like your teasers ! Alex J . Cavanaugh 's CassaStar is a great break from the books I usually read . It 's space opera that reminds me of Battlestar Galactica in a way . I hear drums when the battles start . I usually watch more sci - fi than read it , but sometimes the written word can be as vivid as a film and Alex manages to do it . I 'm halfway through and it 's getting even better . Though , I don 't dare have my Nook out when little toddler hands can grab it ! WINNERS ! WINNERS ! WINNERS ! Thank you to everyone who commented and entered in the giveaway . And thank you , David , for doing the interview and giveaway . You were great ! David is excited to give away some holiday prizes . Random . org , please give us the lucky numbers ! The winner of the signed copy of To Kids From One to Ninety Two is : Amy at The Ramblings of Amy I 've always been able to remember my dreams . And , oh , what dreams I have ! Lots of monsters , haunted houses , flying , and walking out of the house without pants . My dreams inspire me to write a lot of stories . I 've a lot of control over my dreams too . I know I 'm dreaming , and if I 'm unhappy with the way a dream is going , I can change it or wake up . I am Neo of the dream world . I had a fun one the other night . I woke up at six to pee , and knowing that I only had another hour or so of sleep ahead of me , I went back to bed . In the dream , I had to save a mermaid girl from two evil brothers . ( They were like the evil versions of the Kratts Brothers . ) The mermaid was the key to ridding the world of pollution and saving life on the planet itself . I got held up in a house with friends . We were surrounded by the Brothers ' goons . I knew I only had a few more minutes of sleep ahead of me . I needed the action to go quicker . I walked outside and giant mutant dogs lunged at me . I held up a hand and said , " Sit . " They sat . The goons aimed guns at me . I said , " No bullets . " The guns were all empty . I ran down the road . I had to get to the beach , but it was across town . Nope , not acceptable . I created a road right there that lead to the beach . There was a huge line of people waiting to get in through the military checkpoint - like entrance . I jumped up to the top of a cliff and ran off , flying out over the water . The Atlantic Ocean . How was I going to find the mermaid ? Well , I sent the Pez Army to track the Brothers . It was easy to spot the Pez Army since it was so large . Yes , I said Pez Army . Those little sugar candies are powerful as they are yummy . I flew out and was about to rescue the mermaid when my alarm went off . Maybe the brothers planned that too . Hmm . This is the continuation of my Holiday Snapshots series . Every Saturday this month , I 'm posting holiday themed photos . My cards are out and my shopping 's done . Up with the tree today and a holiday party later this evening ! You still have a few days to enter the David Salnave holiday book giveaway on my blog . He 'll make you laugh and he 'll make you feel warm and fuzzy inside . Perfect holiday gift . We all love giveaways . Free stuff ! It 's even better during the holidays when we 're spending too much money as it is . Here 's a list of fantastic contests and giveaways . Click , enter and be merry ! Cherie Reich is giving away six critiques on her writing blog and three books she 's reviewed on her book review blog . She 's an editor and an awesome critique partner . A critique by her is a fabulous gift to yourself . Plus , books . Need I say more ? Heather at My Demon Spirits is having a holiday short story contest . Stories can be funny , uplifting or scary , and must be no longer than 500 words . First place winner gets a $ 25 Amazon gift card . Second place wins an e - reader cozy and third place a leather writing journal . Great prizes ! It 's Melissa Bradley 's birthday at Melissa 's Imaginarium . Leave a comment on her birthday post to win a copy of any of her stories . I 'm in the mood for cake right now . Allison Pang offers you a chance to win a Nook as part of the Mistletoe Madness Blog Hop Part 2 . All you have to do is write a hedgehog haiku . Here 's the link to all the contests in the Mistletoe Madness Blog Hop . If there 's any you want to include , please leave a link in the comments section . I 'll appreciate it as much as everyone else . Happy Friday ! This made me laugh . I couldn 't resist participating in Grumpy Bulldog 's Blahg Fest . I 've been known to be a bit of a humbug now and then . Less so now that I have a child , but the humbug still creeps out on those dark December nights . 1 . Fruitcake . It 's one of those things that make me inwardly cringe . It looks like . . . Well , I won 't say . I don 't want anyone else experiencing nausea when looking at those things . Blech . 3 . Family guilt trips . My family lives in Canada . My husband 's parents are divorced . We have to decide between three different places to spend Christmas . Those we aren 't with at Christmas give guilt trips . This year , we 're staying home and not traveling . The guilt trips are coming in like a blinding blizzard . 4 . Mothers should not buy their adult daughters Christmas panties . Every year it happens . Socks , please . Socks are a much better option . I never want my mom thinking about something only my husband and I will ever see . 5 . The awkward moment when someone unexpected gives you a gift and you haven 't bought anything for them . You try to be gracious and apologetic . But they know there 's nothing you can say to make up for the fact they got you something and you didn 't get them a thing . I 've seen the Facebook updates . I know what they say after the fact . 7 . The Elf on the Shelf . My brother and his wife gave us one last year . My son loves it . The thing gives me the willies . 8 . Shopping . I don 't like shopping to begin with . I tried to do all my shopping online this year . I didn 't succeed . People are so much ruder and aggressive this time of year at the stores . My sympathy to those of you who work retail . 9 . Christmas cards . I like to send out cards and I like to receive them . I make sure they 're all addressed and ready to go before December . I send out about 60 of them . On average , I get about 15 back . It makes me pout . 10 . Advent Calendars . Only one chocolate a day ? Oh no , I don 't think so . At least a dozen would make it more worthwhile . Almost every woman says she wants a nice , funny guy . No matter what the media tells you , it 's true . Real stories of women seeking out the bad boys are exaggerated . Nice guys don 't finish last . We don 't see that many nice guys in romance novels , though . Why is that ? Women want to read about the bad boy with the hidden heart of gold . Women of every social class , of every age . Again , you ask why ? For the fantasy of it , for an escape from reality . If you ask the same women if they want a man in real life like the arrogant and possessive heroes in the books , they 'll say no . They want the nice guys . Nice guys are almost impossible to find in paranormal romance . The dark supernatural worlds with all those monsters to fight tend to produce hardened men . Or the men that the heroines fall for are the monsters . I love all the layers this adds to the romance aspect of the story . Ah , the complexities of being a vampire 's life - mate or falling for a gorgeous ghost that you can 't even touch . Not that paranormal romance is void of nice guys . Usually they 're family or friends . Not the love interest . I find nice guys are more common in YA than adult . I 'm glad for that . The most popular example I can think of is the Harry Potter series . I love that Harry and Ron were nice guys . They prove you can have a fantastic story with nice guys . They each got the girl at the end too . My heroes are usually the sarcastic , arrogant type . They 're just so much fun to write . Of course , they can be highly moral and have good hearts , but they have flaws that would make them highly annoying in real life . I should take up the challenge and write a story with a nice guy as the hero . Do you prefer reading romances with the bad boy or the nice guy ? Can you name any paranormal romances with a nice guy as the love interest ? Teaser Tuesdays is a weekly bookish meme , hosted by MizB of Should Be Reading . Anyone can play along ! Just do the following : Grab your current read Open to a random page Share two ( 2 ) " teaser " sentences from somewhere on that page BE CAREFUL NOT TO INCLUDE SPOILERS ! ( make sure that what you share doesn 't give too much away ! You don 't want to ruin the book for others ! ) Share the title & author , too , so that other TT participants can add the book to their TBR Lists if they like your teasers ! I would have never picked up this book on my own . I browse the YA section more often these days , but a book about suicide wouldn 't draw me in . I 've heard a lot of great things about Jay Asher 's book and they 're all true . I 'm blown away . I won 't say it 's the best thing I 've ever read , but the teen inside of me reacted to it . The little things do affect all of us . Here 's your teaser : For Jessica , it was easier to think of me as Bad Hannah than as the Hannah she got to know at Monet 's . It was easier to accept . Easier to understand . ( page 66 ) The fire is crackling merrily and the smell of freshly baked cookies fills the house . The room is large but cozy , and filled with happy friends and family . Everyone is smiling and a few people have eggnog mustaches . There 's a big tree in the corner with presents piled high underneath . I think the elf on the shelf just winked at you . Come on in and take a seat by the fire . I want to introduce you to an old friend of mine . Someone who would always make me laugh in the mornings so I could get through the cold winter days . Please welcome David Salnave , comedian and author of To Kids From One to Ninety Two . Put on your favorite Christmas album and grab a cup of hot cocoa , To Kids From One to Ninety Two is just what you need to get into the spirit of the season . A collection of Christmas cheer with just the right amount of cheese , these stories are a reminder to ADULTS of all ages that we should never get too old , or busy , or cool to enjoy the holidays with childlike wonder . Christine : I 'm excited to have you here . I 'm even more excited that you 've published a wonderful book that makes me giggle , and feel warm and fuzzy too . What inspired you to write this book ? David : There were many inspirations behind this book . From my family and friends , to the fond Christmas memories and great Christmas stories I grew up on . I have a lot of Christmas Spirit that has been passed on to me , and I have always been eager to share it with others . D : My favorite thing about the holidays is that it gives people an excuse to set everything else aside and enjoy the things that matter most to them . Family , friends , charity , taking a break from the grind . Sometimes we lose sight of what we need most in life . D : Well , once they figured out that it wasn 't a joke , they were very happy for me . That reminds me , I need to give out some guilt trips to those who have not yet bought their copy ! D : I think I had the most fun writing the introduction . That is where I really spoke person to person with the reader the most . The intro really gives the reader a clear picture of what the thought process behind this book was . C : What affected your decision to self publish ? And do you have any advice for writers wanting to do so ? D : I think time and inexperience were the biggest factors . I do not regret self publishing , but there is a lot that you have to be careful of . As for advice , check and recheck your work . Trust me , there will be something you missed . Better you catch it then someone else . D : I will be writing a new Christmas story for next year called the Christmas Consultant . Its about a man who makes a living making Christmas dreams come true for others , but never really took the time to focus on his own happiness . It 's sort of like Hitch meets White Christmas . C : Awesome ! I can 't wait to read it . Thank you so much for stopping by . Feel free to mingle and help yourself to the cookies . David has some fantastic gifts for all of you . He 's giving away a signed paperback copy of his book , an e - copy of his book , and three video Christmas cards . To enter , leave a comment below along with your email address . In one week , the winners will be chosen by Random . org . Bio : David Salnave is a born and bred New Yorker who has been writing and doing standup comedy for the past four years . He prides himself on being a pretty tough guy , but has always had a big soft spot in his heart for the Christmas season . It 's the only time of year when he allows himself to be as sappy and childlike as he can be . He 's a firm believer that we all need to make time in our lives to just focus on being happy , and that Christmas provides us with the perfect opportunity to do so . David hopes his writing helps people to remember this , and to maintain perspective on what is most important in life . I 'm watching Snowmageddon on Syfy as I type this . Oh , how I love to laugh at these wonderfully horrible movies . The fun of cursed snow globes . Is it a rule of Syfy movies that no one is allowed to use common sense ? I have 151 followers . Yay ! Welcome to my little corner of Blogger . It 's wonderful to meet you all . When I hit 200 , I 'll have another giveaway . Yet wait ! I 'll be having a holiday giveaway this week . Jingle your bells and do happy Snoopy dance . I have a special guest coming to visit and he 's feeling the Christmas spirit . Don 't miss your chance to win some cool prizes . In writing news , well , there is none . I 've still not been feeling the greatest . Instead of writing when my son has been napping , I 've been napping too . I 've lost a lot of writing and blogging time . Back to the doctor 's on Wednesday . Hopefully my body will experience some holiday magic and be reinvigorated . If you didn 't see last week , I 'm doing a series of holiday photos every Saturday this month . I thought about decorating my blog , but I still haven 't gotten to decorating my house . The cards have to go out first and then I need to get my shopping done . It 's that time of year ! I 've talked about a lot about the different aspects of how to market paranormal romances . I 've been asked a few times to use examples from my own work . Here we go . It 's time to put all those tips and research to work . I 'm going to use a novel that has gotten a lot of attention from agents and publishers , but somehow , I never make the sale . Why ? I 've been marketing it all wrong . It 's taken me a long time to realize why I couldn 't sell it . I was too close to the story . I took a break from it to work on a few other manuscripts and now I see it with fresh eyes . It surprises me how much I 've changed and how I 've grown as a writer . How could I have thought what I was doing was the right way ? I have a particular love - hate relationship with the protagonist , Magena Silver . She 's been with me for a number of years . We know each other well . Perhaps too well . She likes to get her way and knows how to manipulate me , but her way isn 't always the right way . The first issue : the title . The book was originally called Alchemy . I was very attached to the title , but it doesn 't speak to a paranormal romance audience . It 's plain . It doesn 't have any character . It could be a " How To " book for what anyone could guess from the title alone . The new title : Witch 's First Rule . This says a lot more . Saying " witch " allows the potential reader to know what they 're dealing with . It 's a paranormal . It has something to do with rules . The twist is it 's not rules of magic , but Magena 's rules of dating . It 'll make the potential reader curious to find out what this first rule is . It 's also a play on the title of a famous fantasy novel by Terry Goodkind . I sent a query letter out to several agents and publishers . One in seven responded with interest and asked to see the full manuscript . Each time it was rejected . It wasn 't what they were looking for . So what did they see in my query letter - particularly the blurb - that led them to believe it was something else ? Here 's the old blurb : Magena Silver is a professional celebrity and a witch . She 's the most successful marriage therapist in America because she secretly slips love potions to her clients . In Alchemy , she helps one couple and it turns out to be a grave mistake . The father of the wife is a powerful witch - a Master - and he wants Magena to make an antidote or else he will kill her . Magena fails to make one and must discover another way to defeat the Master with the help of her companions . She is caught up in an ancient battle between two powerful families and must deal with a lovesick gypsy as well as her attraction to the handsome empath the Master has sent to watch her . Not hot . Not quirky . None of Magena 's personality in it . It attracted attention , though . Were they hoping for a lot of magic ? Witch fights ? Alchemist details ? There isn 't a lot of magic . There 's fighting , but it 's not the focus of the story . There 's very little details about alchemy . It 's about people and relationships . It 's a paranormal , but the romance drama trumps it all . It has the main character and the conflict , but not in a way that best markets them . It has a hook , but it 's not as powerful as it could be . It needs to show just how unique this book is compared to other paranormal romances . It 's fast - paced and hot , but the blurb definitely doesn 't mirror this . There 's mounting tension , but even I 'm not drawn in by that part and I love the story . OR The first rule of dating Magena Silver : don 't get emotionally attached . Yes , she breaks her rules . I think this hook works more efficiently than the previous one . Yet I 'd still like to say she 's a professional celebrity and a witch . I need to set up the paranormal feel and the conflict . This is tricky . Teaser Tuesdays is a weekly bookish meme , hosted by MizB of Should Be Reading . Anyone can play along ! Just do the following : Grab your current read Open to a random page Share two ( 2 ) " teaser " sentences from somewhere on that page BE CAREFUL NOT TO INCLUDE SPOILERS ! ( make sure that what you share doesn 't give too much away ! You don 't want to ruin the book for others ! ) Share the title & author , too , so that other TT participants can add the book to their TBR Lists if they like your teasers ! During the holidays when things get busy and sometimes things get stressful , I need a funny and light read . Laura Resnick definitely provides it with Vamparazzi . It 's a novel in her Esther Diamond series . A hilarious supernatural read . It 's a little silly and a little naughty , and great for bringing on holiday visits when you need a few minutes to get away from things . I still haven 't gotten back to writing . This isn 't good ! Today was just so busy . Hopefully tomorrow I 'll enjoy a quiet nap time and get back to my story . I have my writers ' group this coming Saturday . I submitted the blurb for Sorrow Phage to be critiqued . My CP , Cherie Reich , helped me already with it . I still need to think of a new title for the novel . Why did Vampires in a Mortuary suddenly pop into my head ? Darn Snakes on a Plane . I can have my protagonist screaming , " Enough is enough ! I 've had it with these demon killing vampires in this brother - father mortuary ! " My Christmas shopping is done . I mailed out the packages to my family in Canada today . I also received packages from my mom today . She told me to open one gift early . A new digital camera ! She just wants her daily photo of my son . My doctor 's appointment went well today . All my tests came back clean . Surprisingly , with all the treats I 've had lately , my blood sugar was excellent . I have one more test next week just to clear out the final possibility . I 'm starting a new medication , but everything is good . High blood pressure is nothing to ignore or mess around with . It 's been a little while since I participated in Saturday Snapshot , and I don 't want to officially do it since I don 't know if I 'll have the time to look at other people 's pictures this weekend . So much to do ! I 'm scared to go shopping . Very scared . I 'm going to post holiday photos every Saturday this month . My bit of holiday fun here . Hopefully they 'll make you go " awww ! " or laugh hysterically . My son 's first photo with Santa last year . He didn 't know what to make of Santa , but he loved the cute elves ! ( He 's always been a ladies ' man . ) Strangely , this year , my son calls him " Claus . " No Santa . Health update : No word from the lab yet , but I 've been feeling better the past few days . Hopefully the medication they have me on is doing the trick . I 've got lots to do this weekend , so I won 't get much relaxing done . I need some energy to brave the stores ! I haven 't gotten back to my NaNo novel yet . It 's been over a week . I haven 't even thought about it . I 've been trying to catch up on email and blogs , but I 've been a little slow at that . Plus , I have some stories I need to critique . Not how I imagined starting off December . The reason for this is I 've had some health issues come up . Hopefully it can all be helped by a regular dose of medication , but I 'm still waiting on the test results . I 'll be back to see my doctor on Monday . I need to do up a will . Has anyone out there done theirs ? I 'm curious if it would be better to do it with a lawyer or do it myself . I don 't think anyone would disrespect my wishes if it wasn 't witnessed and signed by a lawyer , but if something happened to both my husband and I , I want the guardianship for my son very clear . I 'm a writer , blogger , and geek mom . I write paranormal romance and urban fantasy . I love a dark and gritty story . I have four degrees which don 't help at all with motherhood , but make me a great Jeopardy player . Member of S . C . I . F . I . and Untethered Realms . A big thank you to Sherry Ellis for passing on the Top Commenter Award . You 're so sweet ! You 're one of my top commenters an . . . I 've always been able to remember my dreams . And , oh , what dreams I have ! Lots of monsters , haunted houses , flying , and walking out of t . . . My paranormal romance novella , FEARLESS , will be released on August 7th . To help promote it , I wanted to do something fun . One of my favorit . . .
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I didn 't do nearly as much writing as I wanted to this year , but I learned a lot about the craft , networking , and critiquing . Learning how to tear apart someone else 's story makes me a better writer in the end when I do the same for myself . Connecting with other writers has also helped encourage me and taught me so much . You guys are the greatest ! Goal # 1 : I want to get back to writing one short story a month and submitting it . I did this for a few years before my son was born , but I lost a lot of momentum when I had a newborn to care for . This will also mean I will have one new short story to present to my CPs and writers ' group every month . My lessons in critiquing will continue . Goal # 2 : Try to get one short story polished to such a degree that it is published in a SFWA approved publication . This is a very difficult thing to do . I want it , though . I want it so much . It will take work , work , and more work , and whole load of originality and great storytelling . Goal # 3 : Revise and submit three of my paranormal romances : Witch 's First Rule ( mainstream adult paranormal romance ) , A Lion 's Heart ( erotic paranormal romance ) , and Sorrow Phage ( urban fantasy with a romantic subplot ) . It 's going to take a lot of time . Revising is one of my least favorite things to do . Yet marketing it properly when I submit a novel is something I like even less . I will take my lessons learn and apply them , and hopefully * knock on wood * I 'll have a novel with a wonderful press next year . Goal # 4 : Complete the A to Z Blogging Challenge in April . I 'm very excited about this challenge . I think I might do a story that covers all 26 days . The tricky part will be making it apply to each letter . I also realized that April will be a hectic month for me . My son 's and husband 's birthdays , and we 'll be visiting my family in Canada for a week . I 'll have to make sure my blog posts are written beforehand . The generous Nicole Zoltack has put out the offer of critiques . All you have to do is follow her blog ! You can choose a query , synopsis or first page critique . Just email her one of the above . First come , first serve ! Thank you , Nicole ! Posted by It 's not typical in adult paranormal romances , but sometimes we do come across the virgin heroine . She might be successful at everything else in her life , but love has always eluded her and she 's not one to just sleep around . It allows an innocence and newness to the romance , drawing the reader along as she meets a mysterious and gorgeous individual whom she can 't stop hungering for . I prefer an experienced heroine , but I don 't mind a virgin as long as she is well written . No one knows exactly what to do the first time around . No one has multiple orgasms the first time , nor after a minute or two in bed with her lover . Be realistic . The loss of her virginity would be a big emotional scene , a turning point in her identity . Not only in how she sees herself , but how others see her . The hero 's realization that she 's a virgin can also be a pivotal point . And the villain 's if it is important to their evil plot ! I 've heard the argument that an inexperienced heroine and a very experienced hero creates inequality in romance novels . Sometimes women do fantasize about being taken by a lover who knows exactly what to do . It 's about surrendering , giving yourself , and all the emotions that go with it . It 's becoming less common to find a virgin heroine and a promiscuous hero falling for one another , but the fantasy still attracts readers . Also , there is a rise in promiscuous heroines who are more experienced than the men . A few times , more so in YA than in adult books , the heroine and hero will both be virgins . Please join me in welcoming short story writer and poet , James Dorr to my blog . He contacted me after we both got a short horror story accepted into the Indiana Horror Anthology 2011 and extended an invitation to me to join his writers ' group , S . C . I . F . I . - South Central Indiana Fiction Interface . He 's tough with his critiques , but I prefer it that way . I 've learned a lot from him in the group . Christine : I understand you 've just published a book of poetry about vampires . Vampires seem to hold a lot of fascination for other people too . What do you think the fascination is based on ? James : Yes , Vamps ( A Retrospective ) was published by Sam 's Dot Publishing ( http : / / sdpbookstore . com / poetrybooks . htm # vamps ) this August . The fascination with vampires seems to be universal , stories go back to at least ancient Rome , and most cultures seem to have some variation on the myth . But why shouldn 't it be ? Vampires represent the nexus between sex and death , birth and rebirth , or in Freudian terms eros and thanatos . And who of us can say that these aren 't our favorite subjects , at least at times ? Last year you had a Christmas story , " The Christmas Vulture , " in the ezine Untied Shoelaces of the Mind ( reprinted this September in their 2011 Anthology ) . Do you write a holiday story every Christmas and , if so , what can we expect this year ? Another favorite subject , at least in Western societies , though Christmas is celebrated these days to some degree the world over . This also makes for powerful icons , ones begging ( to a horror writer ) to be cast down , or at least messed with some . My first , simply called " A Christmas Story , " appeared in the Winter 1991 - 92 issue of Cemetery Dance and I 've written one or sometimes more nearly every year since . That one was about a boy who poisons Santa 's snack in retaliation for crummy presents the year before ( Santa 's snack is always a good subject ) while two stories just out this year , " Naughty or Nice " in Daily Science Fiction ( archived on www . dailysciencefiction . com as of Dec . 28 ) and I 'm Dreaming Of A . . . as a short story e - book by Untreed Reads Publishing ( store . untreedreads . com ) , are about , respectively , a Parisian vampiress 's letter to St . Nick and snow that eats meat . " The Christmas Vulture , " incidentally , is still available in issue 3 of Untied Shoelaces at www . untiedshoelacesofthemind . com . You write poetry too . Do you think that has an effect on your fiction writing ? Absolutely , and in several ways , if only because writing poetry helps instill a love of words - - and the way they sound - - as well as practicing compact expression within set rules ( even This one 's easy , though the answer can vary from time to time , depending perhaps on what I 'm working on at a given moment . Edgar Allan Poe , Ray Bradbury , Allen Ginsberg ( less so now , perhaps , but especially in my longer poetry ) , Bertolt Brecht ( social motivations and intentional distancing - - his notion of " epic theatre " - - in certain stories ) . Going back to the first question , what is your fascination withvampires ? Is there anything else you bring to the subject ? Two things perhaps , one being music . Somehow vampires seem to me to go well with jazz and jazz themes ( this may be from the Ginsbergian influence cited above , though in this case affecting shorter poems too . You 'll see it in Vamps . ) Then the other , for want of a better term , might be domesticity . Vampires are great as distant , mysterious , and , yes , sexy figures , but what if you dated or married one . Do you take turns washing the blood - stained coffee cups piling up in the sink ? What has been the toughest criticism you 've received ? Your biggest compliment ? Not naming names , I just remembered what might be the toughest . In graduate school , I wrote a weekly column for an alternate student newspaper as well as doing utility writing as needed , film and theatre reviews , etc . One year one professor marked my first paper for him with words to the effect that " you need to learn how to write a good , clear English sentence , " to which my first thought was " Wow , I hope my editor hasn 't noticed ! " ( Not to worry , much of my column work was done under pen names , in part not to let it interfere with academics , but also , in fairness , there are certain stories I deliberately write in a florid style that have evoked occasional comments about " convoluted sentences . " When an editor complains about one , I usually just break it up into two parts . ) As for the best , I 'm still amazed that editors actually buy my work and pay money for it , so in a way almost any sale is a compliment . Two that stand out , though , were a phone call received from Charles Grant accepting thI 've put these together because the answer to both is the same : I really don 't know . I know that I 'd want to have some kind of creative outlet , but I also play music and I used to draw ( I still do very crude cartoons sometimes ) . Perhaps I could say that poetry ( as well as creative prose ) should evoke images much like visual art and I 've already mentioned that poetry ( add to that prose , too ) also involves sound , so maybe I 'm getting the best of all worlds . As to which I 'm drawn to the most , it depends on the project . Short poetry is faster , at least in first draft , if only because it 's short , often requiring only the germ of an idea to bring out , though as for longer poems they require as much pre - planning - - for structure , for instance , as much as a story relies on plot ; for mood perhaps as a replacement for characters - - as a piece of fiction . Your writing 's quirky and always manages to surprise me which is a difficult thing to do . Where do you get your inspiration ? How do you stay original ? First off , I 'm flattered by your question , not the least because I consider lack of imagination one of my greatest flaws . I have to go out and wrestle with the muse - - no sitting around for me waiting for " creative juices " to flow ( I keep seeing that phrase in writers ' magazines and it 's always seemed vaguely obscene to me . Perhaps that could be an idea for a story ) . I like themed anthologies because they give a hint from the start about what to write about , the game then being finding some other idea or ideas to graft to it . And that , I think , is the answer to inspiration , that it involves the creative combining of ideas . A vampire and a saint combined with a childlike writing letters to Santa . Me and others combing the shelves of the CVS store the day after Christmas searching for marked - down candy combined with my sudden thought that we were like vultures . I usually carry a pen and some paper , so that got jotted down . As for the other part , staying original , maybe it 's just that I steal with grJames Dorr is a short story writer and poet with two collections , STRANGE MISTRESSES : TALES OF WONDER AND ROMANCE and DARKER LOVES : TALES OF MYSTERY AND REGRET , published by Dark Regions Press and an illustrated all - poetry collection , VAMPS ( A RETROSPECTIVE ) , from Sam 's Dot Publishing . He also has a novella , THE GARDEN , available in electronic and print chapbook form from Damnation Books ; electronic chapbooks VANITAS and I ' M DREAMING OF A . . . from Untreed Reads Publishing ; and nearly four hundred individual appearances in magazines and anthologies in the US , Canada , Britain , France , Australia , Holland , and Brazil , ranging from ABORIGINAL SCIENCE FICTION and ALFRED HITCHCOCK ' S MYSTERY MAGAZINE to XENOPHILIA and THE YELLOW BAT REVIEW . Dorr has worked a number of jobs including technical writer , city editor on a regional magazine , full time non - fiction freelancer , and semi - professional musician , and now resides in southern Indiana with current cat , Wednesday , named for Wednesday Addams in the original TV series THE ADDAMS FAMILY . It was a quiet Christmas for us this year , but very nice . Our son opened two presents , grew bored , and demanded we clean up . He loves the easel we bought him and the LeapPad from his Gramma . He 's such a gadget freak like his father ! It was such a mild day , we spent the afternoon at one of the local parks . We had so much fun , we didn 't leave until the sun had set . Surprisingly , the park was pretty busy . Lots of people enjoying the day out with their families . Teaser Tuesdays is a weekly bookish meme , hosted by MizB of Should Be Reading . Anyone can play along ! Just do the following : Grab your current read Open to a random page Share two ( 2 ) " teaser " sentences from somewhere on that page BE CAREFUL NOT TO INCLUDE SPOILERS ! ( make sure that what you share doesn 't give too much away ! You don 't want to ruin the book for others ! ) Share the title & author , too , so that other TT participants can add the book to their TBR Lists if they like your teasers ! I love Richelle Mead 's Vampire Academy series . Succubus Blues is the first book in the Georgina Kincaid series , adult paranormal romance . The first page made me laugh . Great start . You have to love a reluctant succubus ! Sleep with Seth Mortensen ? Good grief . It was the most preposterous thing I 'd ever heard . It was appalling . If I absorbed his life force , there was no telling how long it 'd be until his next book came out . ( page 25 ) My son sat on Santa 's lap this year , but he wasn 't exactly happy about it . He didn 't think too much of the candy cane either . Yet when he see the photo on the cabinet , he says : " Santa . Lap . Sit . Candy . " This is my entry for Heather 's holiday story contest . Here 's the details : It 's very simple . I want to read your most original , scary or uplifting holiday story ( I like both , so since this is my contest - I figure I 'll make you write what I like to read ! ) . Now , notice I didn 't say " Christmas " ; it can be ANY holiday you celebrate ! It does NOT have to be a holiday that occurs in winter months . The entry can be no more than 500 words . " What ? " Barb shot me a glance . " Shush and stop being so melodramatic . " She returned her attention to the CEO as he finished his Christmas toast . Everyone raised their glasses and shouted , " Cheers ! " I didn 't pick up my glass . There was nothing for me to toast . Victor didn 't show for our first date . My stomach was hard and heavy , and there wasn 't a sympathetic shoulder to lean on . A chant of " Santa , Santa , Santa " pounded into my head . Bells jingled and someone flipped on Christmas music . A man in a red suit and horribly fake beard strode into the room , playing up to the crowd . He danced with the girls and gave high fives to the guys . " Oh come on , hon . So what ? Some jerk stood you up . I 'm single and you don 't see me getting all depressed . " She hooked her arm through mine and yanked me forward . " It 's two days until Christmas . It 's an open bar . And have you seen how good you look tonight ? Santa 's going to drool into your cleavage . " " That 's exactly what I want for Christmas . " I rolled my eyes , but I let her drag me into the line . I knew Barb was right , but it was still hard to feel festive when all I could imagine was Victor 's gorgeous smile and the sparkle in his eyes . Lost to my own dreary thoughts , I hadn 't realized we were at the front of the line until Barb shoved me forward . I stumbled , half - sitting on Santa 's leg and using the arm of the chair to balance myself . I felt silly sitting on his lap , but it was a company tradition . Sound asleep . The sweet little guy . He 's so adorable . Then when he was awake today , EWWWWWW ! My son has a rotavirus . I won 't describe it . You can click on the link and that will be enough said . I 'm happy we got a carpet steam cleaner as an early Christmas present . Aside from all my cleaning and comforting today , I managed to get a nice chunk of writing done . I 'm that much closer to the big climax of my current novel . I won 't get it done before Christmas like I hoped , but maybe the end of December . * knocks on wood * There are paranormal romances that are light - hearted and silly . They don 't have a dark atmosphere , but most of the books in this genre try to create a spooky feeling at some point in the story . It 's a tough thing to do . There 's only one Stephen King . As for the rest of us , we have to use all the tricks at our disposal . When I think creepy atmosphere , I think setting . Graveyards , haunted houses , empty streets . Just placing your characters in an ill - lit room will help immensely . Yet it doesn 't have to be a horror stereotype . If you 're good , you can make any setting spooky . The reader is going to expect something out of the ordinary even if you place the scene in the ladies ' restroom or a wig shop . It 's in the details . Don 't over do it with lavish descriptions of dusty cobwebs , the wind blowing the drapes , and something lurking in the shadows . Drop a chilly detail here and there . Something that might be normal but isn 't quite . Something that will make the reader wonder . A writer 's best tool in creating a spooky scene is the reader 's imagination . The reader will always imagine something horrible and help to give themselves goosebumps . Part of the creepiness of a story is in creating suspense and tension . You want the reader on the edge of their seat . An effective way of doing this is through the characters ' reactions . Don 't let your text be filled with too much thinking . Describe what they 're seeing , hearing , smelling . Use all the senses . Write their physical reactions . Spooky stories are about showing rather than telling . Even with paranormal romance where things are out of the ordinary , try to keep things as realistic as possible . What scares people the most is if they start thinking something like that is possible . Hit on the things that frighten people the most and use them to help build up the tension . Vampires , werewolves , and other supernatural creatures can fear the same things as humans do . Teaser Tuesdays is a weekly bookish meme , hosted by MizB of Should Be Reading . Anyone can play along ! Just do the following : Grab your current read Open to a random page Share two ( 2 ) " teaser " sentences from somewhere on that page BE CAREFUL NOT TO INCLUDE SPOILERS ! ( make sure that what you share doesn 't give too much away ! You don 't want to ruin the book for others ! ) Share the title & author , too , so that other TT participants can add the book to their TBR Lists if they like your teasers ! Alex J . Cavanaugh 's CassaStar is a great break from the books I usually read . It 's space opera that reminds me of Battlestar Galactica in a way . I hear drums when the battles start . I usually watch more sci - fi than read it , but sometimes the written word can be as vivid as a film and Alex manages to do it . I 'm halfway through and it 's getting even better . Though , I don 't dare have my Nook out when little toddler hands can grab it ! WINNERS ! WINNERS ! WINNERS ! Thank you to everyone who commented and entered in the giveaway . And thank you , David , for doing the interview and giveaway . You were great ! David is excited to give away some holiday prizes . Random . org , please give us the lucky numbers ! The winner of the signed copy of To Kids From One to Ninety Two is : Amy at The Ramblings of Amy I 've always been able to remember my dreams . And , oh , what dreams I have ! Lots of monsters , haunted houses , flying , and walking out of the house without pants . My dreams inspire me to write a lot of stories . I 've a lot of control over my dreams too . I know I 'm dreaming , and if I 'm unhappy with the way a dream is going , I can change it or wake up . I am Neo of the dream world . I had a fun one the other night . I woke up at six to pee , and knowing that I only had another hour or so of sleep ahead of me , I went back to bed . In the dream , I had to save a mermaid girl from two evil brothers . ( They were like the evil versions of the Kratts Brothers . ) The mermaid was the key to ridding the world of pollution and saving life on the planet itself . I got held up in a house with friends . We were surrounded by the Brothers ' goons . I knew I only had a few more minutes of sleep ahead of me . I needed the action to go quicker . I walked outside and giant mutant dogs lunged at me . I held up a hand and said , " Sit . " They sat . The goons aimed guns at me . I said , " No bullets . " The guns were all empty . I ran down the road . I had to get to the beach , but it was across town . Nope , not acceptable . I created a road right there that lead to the beach . There was a huge line of people waiting to get in through the military checkpoint - like entrance . I jumped up to the top of a cliff and ran off , flying out over the water . The Atlantic Ocean . How was I going to find the mermaid ? Well , I sent the Pez Army to track the Brothers . It was easy to spot the Pez Army since it was so large . Yes , I said Pez Army . Those little sugar candies are powerful as they are yummy . I flew out and was about to rescue the mermaid when my alarm went off . Maybe the brothers planned that too . Hmm . This is the continuation of my Holiday Snapshots series . Every Saturday this month , I 'm posting holiday themed photos . My cards are out and my shopping 's done . Up with the tree today and a holiday party later this evening ! You still have a few days to enter the David Salnave holiday book giveaway on my blog . He 'll make you laugh and he 'll make you feel warm and fuzzy inside . Perfect holiday gift . We all love giveaways . Free stuff ! It 's even better during the holidays when we 're spending too much money as it is . Here 's a list of fantastic contests and giveaways . Click , enter and be merry ! Cherie Reich is giving away six critiques on her writing blog and three books she 's reviewed on her book review blog . She 's an editor and an awesome critique partner . A critique by her is a fabulous gift to yourself . Plus , books . Need I say more ? Heather at My Demon Spirits is having a holiday short story contest . Stories can be funny , uplifting or scary , and must be no longer than 500 words . First place winner gets a $ 25 Amazon gift card . Second place wins an e - reader cozy and third place a leather writing journal . Great prizes ! It 's Melissa Bradley 's birthday at Melissa 's Imaginarium . Leave a comment on her birthday post to win a copy of any of her stories . I 'm in the mood for cake right now . Allison Pang offers you a chance to win a Nook as part of the Mistletoe Madness Blog Hop Part 2 . All you have to do is write a hedgehog haiku . Here 's the link to all the contests in the Mistletoe Madness Blog Hop . If there 's any you want to include , please leave a link in the comments section . I 'll appreciate it as much as everyone else . Happy Friday ! This made me laugh . I couldn 't resist participating in Grumpy Bulldog 's Blahg Fest . I 've been known to be a bit of a humbug now and then . Less so now that I have a child , but the humbug still creeps out on those dark December nights . 1 . Fruitcake . It 's one of those things that make me inwardly cringe . It looks like . . . Well , I won 't say . I don 't want anyone else experiencing nausea when looking at those things . Blech . 3 . Family guilt trips . My family lives in Canada . My husband 's parents are divorced . We have to decide between three different places to spend Christmas . Those we aren 't with at Christmas give guilt trips . This year , we 're staying home and not traveling . The guilt trips are coming in like a blinding blizzard . 4 . Mothers should not buy their adult daughters Christmas panties . Every year it happens . Socks , please . Socks are a much better option . I never want my mom thinking about something only my husband and I will ever see . 5 . The awkward moment when someone unexpected gives you a gift and you haven 't bought anything for them . You try to be gracious and apologetic . But they know there 's nothing you can say to make up for the fact they got you something and you didn 't get them a thing . I 've seen the Facebook updates . I know what they say after the fact . 7 . The Elf on the Shelf . My brother and his wife gave us one last year . My son loves it . The thing gives me the willies . 8 . Shopping . I don 't like shopping to begin with . I tried to do all my shopping online this year . I didn 't succeed . People are so much ruder and aggressive this time of year at the stores . My sympathy to those of you who work retail . 9 . Christmas cards . I like to send out cards and I like to receive them . I make sure they 're all addressed and ready to go before December . I send out about 60 of them . On average , I get about 15 back . It makes me pout . 10 . Advent Calendars . Only one chocolate a day ? Oh no , I don 't think so . At least a dozen would make it more worthwhile . Almost every woman says she wants a nice , funny guy . No matter what the media tells you , it 's true . Real stories of women seeking out the bad boys are exaggerated . Nice guys don 't finish last . We don 't see that many nice guys in romance novels , though . Why is that ? Women want to read about the bad boy with the hidden heart of gold . Women of every social class , of every age . Again , you ask why ? For the fantasy of it , for an escape from reality . If you ask the same women if they want a man in real life like the arrogant and possessive heroes in the books , they 'll say no . They want the nice guys . Nice guys are almost impossible to find in paranormal romance . The dark supernatural worlds with all those monsters to fight tend to produce hardened men . Or the men that the heroines fall for are the monsters . I love all the layers this adds to the romance aspect of the story . Ah , the complexities of being a vampire 's life - mate or falling for a gorgeous ghost that you can 't even touch . Not that paranormal romance is void of nice guys . Usually they 're family or friends . Not the love interest . I find nice guys are more common in YA than adult . I 'm glad for that . The most popular example I can think of is the Harry Potter series . I love that Harry and Ron were nice guys . They prove you can have a fantastic story with nice guys . They each got the girl at the end too . My heroes are usually the sarcastic , arrogant type . They 're just so much fun to write . Of course , they can be highly moral and have good hearts , but they have flaws that would make them highly annoying in real life . I should take up the challenge and write a story with a nice guy as the hero . Do you prefer reading romances with the bad boy or the nice guy ? Can you name any paranormal romances with a nice guy as the love interest ? Teaser Tuesdays is a weekly bookish meme , hosted by MizB of Should Be Reading . Anyone can play along ! Just do the following : Grab your current read Open to a random page Share two ( 2 ) " teaser " sentences from somewhere on that page BE CAREFUL NOT TO INCLUDE SPOILERS ! ( make sure that what you share doesn 't give too much away ! You don 't want to ruin the book for others ! ) Share the title & author , too , so that other TT participants can add the book to their TBR Lists if they like your teasers ! I would have never picked up this book on my own . I browse the YA section more often these days , but a book about suicide wouldn 't draw me in . I 've heard a lot of great things about Jay Asher 's book and they 're all true . I 'm blown away . I won 't say it 's the best thing I 've ever read , but the teen inside of me reacted to it . The little things do affect all of us . Here 's your teaser : For Jessica , it was easier to think of me as Bad Hannah than as the Hannah she got to know at Monet 's . It was easier to accept . Easier to understand . ( page 66 ) The fire is crackling merrily and the smell of freshly baked cookies fills the house . The room is large but cozy , and filled with happy friends and family . Everyone is smiling and a few people have eggnog mustaches . There 's a big tree in the corner with presents piled high underneath . I think the elf on the shelf just winked at you . Come on in and take a seat by the fire . I want to introduce you to an old friend of mine . Someone who would always make me laugh in the mornings so I could get through the cold winter days . Please welcome David Salnave , comedian and author of To Kids From One to Ninety Two . Put on your favorite Christmas album and grab a cup of hot cocoa , To Kids From One to Ninety Two is just what you need to get into the spirit of the season . A collection of Christmas cheer with just the right amount of cheese , these stories are a reminder to ADULTS of all ages that we should never get too old , or busy , or cool to enjoy the holidays with childlike wonder . Christine : I 'm excited to have you here . I 'm even more excited that you 've published a wonderful book that makes me giggle , and feel warm and fuzzy too . What inspired you to write this book ? David : There were many inspirations behind this book . From my family and friends , to the fond Christmas memories and great Christmas stories I grew up on . I have a lot of Christmas Spirit that has been passed on to me , and I have always been eager to share it with others . D : My favorite thing about the holidays is that it gives people an excuse to set everything else aside and enjoy the things that matter most to them . Family , friends , charity , taking a break from the grind . Sometimes we lose sight of what we need most in life . D : Well , once they figured out that it wasn 't a joke , they were very happy for me . That reminds me , I need to give out some guilt trips to those who have not yet bought their copy ! D : I think I had the most fun writing the introduction . That is where I really spoke person to person with the reader the most . The intro really gives the reader a clear picture of what the thought process behind this book was . C : What affected your decision to self publish ? And do you have any advice for writers wanting to do so ? D : I think time and inexperience were the biggest factors . I do not regret self publishing , but there is a lot that you have to be careful of . As for advice , check and recheck your work . Trust me , there will be something you missed . Better you catch it then someone else . D : I will be writing a new Christmas story for next year called the Christmas Consultant . Its about a man who makes a living making Christmas dreams come true for others , but never really took the time to focus on his own happiness . It 's sort of like Hitch meets White Christmas . C : Awesome ! I can 't wait to read it . Thank you so much for stopping by . Feel free to mingle and help yourself to the cookies . David has some fantastic gifts for all of you . He 's giving away a signed paperback copy of his book , an e - copy of his book , and three video Christmas cards . To enter , leave a comment below along with your email address . In one week , the winners will be chosen by Random . org . Bio : David Salnave is a born and bred New Yorker who has been writing and doing standup comedy for the past four years . He prides himself on being a pretty tough guy , but has always had a big soft spot in his heart for the Christmas season . It 's the only time of year when he allows himself to be as sappy and childlike as he can be . He 's a firm believer that we all need to make time in our lives to just focus on being happy , and that Christmas provides us with the perfect opportunity to do so . David hopes his writing helps people to remember this , and to maintain perspective on what is most important in life . I 'm watching Snowmageddon on Syfy as I type this . Oh , how I love to laugh at these wonderfully horrible movies . The fun of cursed snow globes . Is it a rule of Syfy movies that no one is allowed to use common sense ? I have 151 followers . Yay ! Welcome to my little corner of Blogger . It 's wonderful to meet you all . When I hit 200 , I 'll have another giveaway . Yet wait ! I 'll be having a holiday giveaway this week . Jingle your bells and do happy Snoopy dance . I have a special guest coming to visit and he 's feeling the Christmas spirit . Don 't miss your chance to win some cool prizes . In writing news , well , there is none . I 've still not been feeling the greatest . Instead of writing when my son has been napping , I 've been napping too . I 've lost a lot of writing and blogging time . Back to the doctor 's on Wednesday . Hopefully my body will experience some holiday magic and be reinvigorated . If you didn 't see last week , I 'm doing a series of holiday photos every Saturday this month . I thought about decorating my blog , but I still haven 't gotten to decorating my house . The cards have to go out first and then I need to get my shopping done . It 's that time of year ! I 've talked about a lot about the different aspects of how to market paranormal romances . I 've been asked a few times to use examples from my own work . Here we go . It 's time to put all those tips and research to work . I 'm going to use a novel that has gotten a lot of attention from agents and publishers , but somehow , I never make the sale . Why ? I 've been marketing it all wrong . It 's taken me a long time to realize why I couldn 't sell it . I was too close to the story . I took a break from it to work on a few other manuscripts and now I see it with fresh eyes . It surprises me how much I 've changed and how I 've grown as a writer . How could I have thought what I was doing was the right way ? I have a particular love - hate relationship with the protagonist , Magena Silver . She 's been with me for a number of years . We know each other well . Perhaps too well . She likes to get her way and knows how to manipulate me , but her way isn 't always the right way . The first issue : the title . The book was originally called Alchemy . I was very attached to the title , but it doesn 't speak to a paranormal romance audience . It 's plain . It doesn 't have any character . It could be a " How To " book for what anyone could guess from the title alone . The new title : Witch 's First Rule . This says a lot more . Saying " witch " allows the potential reader to know what they 're dealing with . It 's a paranormal . It has something to do with rules . The twist is it 's not rules of magic , but Magena 's rules of dating . It 'll make the potential reader curious to find out what this first rule is . It 's also a play on the title of a famous fantasy novel by Terry Goodkind . I sent a query letter out to several agents and publishers . One in seven responded with interest and asked to see the full manuscript . Each time it was rejected . It wasn 't what they were looking for . So what did they see in my query letter - particularly the blurb - that led them to believe it was something else ? Here 's the old blurb : Magena Silver is a professional celebrity and a witch . She 's the most successful marriage therapist in America because she secretly slips love potions to her clients . In Alchemy , she helps one couple and it turns out to be a grave mistake . The father of the wife is a powerful witch - a Master - and he wants Magena to make an antidote or else he will kill her . Magena fails to make one and must discover another way to defeat the Master with the help of her companions . She is caught up in an ancient battle between two powerful families and must deal with a lovesick gypsy as well as her attraction to the handsome empath the Master has sent to watch her . Not hot . Not quirky . None of Magena 's personality in it . It attracted attention , though . Were they hoping for a lot of magic ? Witch fights ? Alchemist details ? There isn 't a lot of magic . There 's fighting , but it 's not the focus of the story . There 's very little details about alchemy . It 's about people and relationships . It 's a paranormal , but the romance drama trumps it all . It has the main character and the conflict , but not in a way that best markets them . It has a hook , but it 's not as powerful as it could be . It needs to show just how unique this book is compared to other paranormal romances . It 's fast - paced and hot , but the blurb definitely doesn 't mirror this . There 's mounting tension , but even I 'm not drawn in by that part and I love the story . OR The first rule of dating Magena Silver : don 't get emotionally attached . Yes , she breaks her rules . I think this hook works more efficiently than the previous one . Yet I 'd still like to say she 's a professional celebrity and a witch . I need to set up the paranormal feel and the conflict . This is tricky . Teaser Tuesdays is a weekly bookish meme , hosted by MizB of Should Be Reading . Anyone can play along ! Just do the following : Grab your current read Open to a random page Share two ( 2 ) " teaser " sentences from somewhere on that page BE CAREFUL NOT TO INCLUDE SPOILERS ! ( make sure that what you share doesn 't give too much away ! You don 't want to ruin the book for others ! ) Share the title & author , too , so that other TT participants can add the book to their TBR Lists if they like your teasers ! During the holidays when things get busy and sometimes things get stressful , I need a funny and light read . Laura Resnick definitely provides it with Vamparazzi . It 's a novel in her Esther Diamond series . A hilarious supernatural read . It 's a little silly and a little naughty , and great for bringing on holiday visits when you need a few minutes to get away from things . I still haven 't gotten back to writing . This isn 't good ! Today was just so busy . Hopefully tomorrow I 'll enjoy a quiet nap time and get back to my story . I have my writers ' group this coming Saturday . I submitted the blurb for Sorrow Phage to be critiqued . My CP , Cherie Reich , helped me already with it . I still need to think of a new title for the novel . Why did Vampires in a Mortuary suddenly pop into my head ? Darn Snakes on a Plane . I can have my protagonist screaming , " Enough is enough ! I 've had it with these demon killing vampires in this brother - father mortuary ! " My Christmas shopping is done . I mailed out the packages to my family in Canada today . I also received packages from my mom today . She told me to open one gift early . A new digital camera ! She just wants her daily photo of my son . My doctor 's appointment went well today . All my tests came back clean . Surprisingly , with all the treats I 've had lately , my blood sugar was excellent . I have one more test next week just to clear out the final possibility . I 'm starting a new medication , but everything is good . High blood pressure is nothing to ignore or mess around with . It 's been a little while since I participated in Saturday Snapshot , and I don 't want to officially do it since I don 't know if I 'll have the time to look at other people 's pictures this weekend . So much to do ! I 'm scared to go shopping . Very scared . I 'm going to post holiday photos every Saturday this month . My bit of holiday fun here . Hopefully they 'll make you go " awww ! " or laugh hysterically . My son 's first photo with Santa last year . He didn 't know what to make of Santa , but he loved the cute elves ! ( He 's always been a ladies ' man . ) Strangely , this year , my son calls him " Claus . " No Santa . Health update : No word from the lab yet , but I 've been feeling better the past few days . Hopefully the medication they have me on is doing the trick . I 've got lots to do this weekend , so I won 't get much relaxing done . I need some energy to brave the stores ! I haven 't gotten back to my NaNo novel yet . It 's been over a week . I haven 't even thought about it . I 've been trying to catch up on email and blogs , but I 've been a little slow at that . Plus , I have some stories I need to critique . Not how I imagined starting off December . The reason for this is I 've had some health issues come up . Hopefully it can all be helped by a regular dose of medication , but I 'm still waiting on the test results . I 'll be back to see my doctor on Monday . I need to do up a will . Has anyone out there done theirs ? I 'm curious if it would be better to do it with a lawyer or do it myself . I don 't think anyone would disrespect my wishes if it wasn 't witnessed and signed by a lawyer , but if something happened to both my husband and I , I want the guardianship for my son very clear . I 'm a writer , blogger , and geek mom . I write paranormal romance and urban fantasy . I love a dark and gritty story . I have four degrees which don 't help at all with motherhood , but make me a great Jeopardy player . Member of S . C . I . F . I . and Untethered Realms . A big thank you to Sherry Ellis for passing on the Top Commenter Award . You 're so sweet ! You 're one of my top commenters an . . . I 've always been able to remember my dreams . And , oh , what dreams I have ! Lots of monsters , haunted houses , flying , and walking out of t . . . My paranormal romance novella , FEARLESS , will be released on August 7th . To help promote it , I wanted to do something fun . One of my favorit . . .
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Current Month 4 . 2590 A . R . 9th IntervalSouthern Winds has plotted events roughly every 4 or 5 OOC days . This means our story is ever evolving and Southern Winds is changing . Events for the current month are listed here , once you 've registered for an account . Our roleplay time is pretty fluid . We allow you to play anything that may have happened in the past , but not in the future , as events that may affect the entire weyr may ruin futuristic plots . We list Flights , Clutches , and Hatchings for both Dragons and Flits here , as well as whers . There are Candidate events and classes and Crafter plots . A little bit of something for everyone . See previous events here ! We are a mature , 9th Interval AU Pern . We 've destroyed almost the entire planet in a catastrophic event . While we feature 2 new mutations , we stick pretty close to canon . We 've Ranks , roles , and positions for just about anyone who wants to get involved , with a relaxed community . Play and post at your own pace . Swing by and say hello ! Winds is a Mature Roleplay . This means we allow for sexual , violent content that would be found in a struggling , 9th Interval Pern . Sex is common place in the Weyr and terrible deaths are no stranger here . As such , our players should be 18 + . These themes are to be handled maturely No matter how bad things might ever get in the weyr , the Bets were always a reason to celebrate . At what other time would they get such a chance to drink , mingle freely , and make use of the marks that had otherwise long ago fallen out of application in weyr life ? They were events that M ' rek always looked forward to , for all those reasons . Even with Thread no longer falling , such celebrations were good for keeping up morale . Especially after the sort of turn that they 'd been having so far . With the way things were in the weyr , though , the Bronzer suspected there would be fewer non - Riders invited to the Bet than usual . With tensions so high , and fewer people getting along overall , it seemed only likely . Idly , he hoped that there would still be some . But this wasn 't for the Crafters or Holders , not really , and not even for the weyrfolk at the heart of it . It was for the riders . The weight of marks were practically burning a hole in his pocket as he slid off Polanth 's back and made his way into the Sands through the outside entrance via the feeding pavilion . Don 't get too drunk , his dragon grumbled before taking off back to their weyr . He 'd already promised M ' rek he would watch Sugar and Ista , who had both been reluctant to miss the festivities . But it was better than angering Kalestath . / / I 'm not an idiot . We still have Wing duties tomorrow . / / And as he stepped into the chamber , M ' rek didn 't immediately move to the table of drinks that had been laid out for those attending . Respectfully , he bowed to the bright Queen brooding over her eggs , and Halirina as well . " Good evening , Weyrwoman . " Spoiler for OOC : Time for another Rider 's Bet ! Even if you don 't want to post ICly , you 're more than welcome to check in with your characters at the OOC thread . If you have Candidates , it 's also worth checking out the Touching and it 's accompanying OOC thread . We 're also instituting a new system for OOC betting ! Go rack up some points and bragging rights . There may be a reward for those that do . « Logged Thrilled as he was for another Bet , Seng was nervous too . Enough so that he was fidgeting with his hands as he made his way to the Hatching Sands for the evening . With things advancing between them , he 'd been giddy and excited to invite Elrost to attend with him . But there was a certain weight behind that request too , a deepening seriousness to their growing relationship that had his heart racing . Often times , he attended the bets in the loose dress he owned , since it was what Seng considered to be his fanciest bit of clothing . But this was … different . With Elrost not yet knowing that most intimate secret about him , it didn 't seem prudent to drop it on him like that . So Seng was dressed well still , but very distinctly in clothing more suited to a man . He hadn 't gone quite so far as to show up in his leathers , because that was a bit too formal , but there 'd be no mistaking that he 'd dressed to impress . To impress Elrost , specifically . Though he arrived early after dinner , he didn 't quite step into the Sands , instead waiting just outside them for the Herder to arrive , hands clasped tightly behind his back . He nodded respectfully to Beach 's Wingleader as the man arrived , but stayed silent . Even rocking his weight from one foot to the other in his anxiousness . It will be fine , his Blue assured him from where he was lounging on their weyr ledge with Seng 's three flits draped over him . Relax and enjoy yourself . Elrost is good to you , and you should have a good time . / / I want to . I 'm just worried about after . / / Zarra managed to arrive at the Sands before her weyrmate . It seemed T ' sote who had promised to be on time , wasn 't . Again . The slim dark haired woman sighed . She 'd even dressed up ! Not that she was going to throw a fit . With a quick thought , she sent her faire away , all of them flying off , though Risi had been stuck in the weyr all day . She was not going to be betting , she never did . T ' sote enjoyed it , but she was there for him . They 'd been weyrmated for over 20 years . She had no problem finding and seat and waiting . She curtsied to Harlina . " I hope your evening is delightful , Weyrwoman . " She smiled before finding a quiet table in the corner . She settled the shawl she 'd brought over a chair and went to fetch herself a drink and some food , before settling down , her gaze falling on the candidates . One was her neice , another her old Apprentice , and yet more she recognize , either from coming here every year , or just from them helping out around the weyr . She was nosy . Even now she had a small notebook and a pen , ready to take down notes , if needed . The Rider 's Bet had been one of the bright points of K ' eir 's life - - one of the many , if he was being completely honest , even in these dark times - - since he 'd graduated from Weyrlinghood . He 'd Impressed young enough that he had never had the opportunity to attend the Bets before that , and honestly he wasn 't usually the partying type anyway . Once Sicharth had deposited him outside the Hatching Sands and retreated to their weyrledge , firelizards in tow , K ' eir took a moment to straighten himself out before heading inside . He caught a glimpse of Kalestath and her clutch laid out on the Sands as he passed and paused long enough to give the Queen a respectful bow before continuing on his way . There weren 't many he recognized by more than their faces in attendance yet - - not surprising , really , since he spent more time away from the Weyr than in it . Mountain Wing was a blessing in that it was a way for him to indulge in his lust for knowledge and be helpful at the same time . ' What do you think , Sic ? Gonna be a good one this year ? ' The big brown grumbled , and K ' eir could almost see him settling down onto the weyrledge , supplemented by disgruntled images from Thirrus ( who never liked these events , anyway , simply because he didn 't get to be the center of attention ) . I think it will be as good as it will be , he said , and K ' ier chuckled to himself as he claimed food and drink for himself . He didn 't immediately seek out a seat , instead choosing to wander through the room as more people arrived . Elrost emerged from the wherhandler caverns , stepping out into the Weyrbowl whilst adjusting his jacket . The beastcrafter had taken much longer than he should have to get ready , trying to decide what to wear even though he really only had one good item of clothing . It was a light , almost white jacket , a soft material and lightly padded for the cold . Light colours were not usually his style , he tended to browns that hid dirt and mud . It had been his fathers , a jacket which he had had to grow into , in both personality and size . It had been everything else that had taken a long time . Which one of his many plain tunics had their stitches in locations that could be hidden under the jacket ? And whether he should wear his faded pants , or his new brown ones , or the black ones which had a hole in the bottom . He had gone with the new brown ones , after all , he might as well make the most of them while he could , they weren 't going to be new for very long . Whilst Elrost knew next to nothing about the night and what it contained , the actual act of Seng " inviting " him , made it seem like it was a really important night . So shard it if no - one else were wearing their best clothes . Luckily , on his walk to the hatching sands , Elrost spotted quite a few riders being dropped off by their dragons , and they all looked fancy enough , so his thoughts were calmed in that respect , at least he wouldn 't look out of place by his dress . He was going to be unique as one of the few non - riders there , he suspected . Spoiler for Hidden : @ RaynePOTM this is B ' lye 's cueAlso what he 's wearing B ' ron was planning for this night to not make him any more annoyed than needed . He was not going to be happy about it , that wasn 't his way , but neither would he be the downer . After all , a clutch was a clutch , even if it wasn 't by the parents that it should have been . " Ready , Wynne ? " He asked offering the crook of his arm to her as Leremith set them on the ground . It seemed only logical for Leremith to take them both , and keep Oriath away from the sands when she was close to clutching herself . " You look lovely . " It wasn 't a lie , nor was it natural for him to offer the truth , but he did it none - the - less . Vanelwynne was a beautiful woman , and he was sure there 'd be many there tonight that would wish for his place at the bet tonight . He himself was wearing his best clothes , not much different from his normal attire perhaps , but newer , less worn and faded than his everyday clothes . A dark jacket , over a dark tunic , over dark pants , ah yes , nothing out of the ordinary for him . Leremith rejoined Oriath on their ledge and cuddled up to her . I 'm excited for you to be on the sands , you 've been glowing with the beauty of motherhood . Ugh . Leremith ignored him . Don 't spend all your marks at once was the advice of the bronze languishing on his ledge in the fading sunlight . It 's not like they 're useful anywhere else nowadays , J ' thir replied , straightening his shirt as he walked down to the hatching sands . Had the weather been any cooler , he would still have worn his best summer shirt to such an occasion . But it was summer and the heat of the sands was traditionally oppressive in the coolest of winter nights , so there was no need to catch a chill on his way down from his weyr . Save some for the next hatching . You have such faith in my choices . He arrived in a timely manner . Tonight would be a celebration , after all , not something to miss and formal enough not to want to appear late . Familiar faces were already gathered in a cluster around the Weyrwoman , as well as a few who were likely the lucky guests of some of the riders . He had no guest himself and nobody should be expecting him to have one . Most people he would ' hook up with ' were able to escort themselves to the Riders Bet , being riders themselves . " A superb looking clutch as always , Weyrwoman , " he said with a respectful nod to Halirina , collecting a glass of something that looked like wine as he did so . Whatever it was , the single glass would probably last him most of the night . He tried not to instinctively seek out the dark form of Neisoth with his eyes as he said so , eyes instead glancing to B ' ron nearby before flicking away again just as quickly . Logged Betting , alcohol , gossip and hope . Four words to describe the rider 's bet in a single sentence , and the same four words that could be used to describe the Mountain Wingsecond . B ' lye felt absolutely in his element as Uereth touched down gently , and he took a moment to remain astride and look down on the merry scene before him . His happiness didn 't send him giddy , more it felt like arriving home after a long day of drills as he slid down Uereth 's side with the ease of a man who 'd been doing it for almost four decades , although once upon a time he may have leapt of Uereth 's bent knee . A warmth suffused him even before he allowed himself a drink , a comfort , and it spread a slow smile across his face . Turning back to the growing group of people , he leant on Uereth for a moment longer , his hands on his hips and his face the picture of a proud father , before shaking himself out of his sappy moment of introspection and reached to unbuckle his crutches . " This is going to be my lucky turn Uereth . I 'm going to win it big , I can feel it . " I suppose you are overdue for at least one lucky turn , given your advanced age . B ' lye , in a manner totally unbefitting a Wingsecond , but totally befitting B ' lye , poked his tongue out and blew a raspberry as he used his crutches to back away from her . At least I 'm still able to stay awake past 4 pm . You sleep more than a crippled granny , and I should know , we 're both related to one . Warm humour flowed through their bond from his Green as she leapt and pumped her wings hard , taking off in a way that still stunned B ' lye with her grace . He turned to make his way through the group of people as his Green disappeared from view , before a quiet voice in the back of his mind called , I 'm going to tell her you said that . " Traitor , " he muttered under his breath , his smile still in place . Quickly noting those in the crowd he would gravitate to over the night , his eyes were briefly distracted by a man close to him , wearing a jacket very similar in colour to his own . B ' lye worInki , SirAlahn , Kit and Kyya As Elrost approached , he saw Seng in the distance , and quickened his pace at the idea of getting to see and talk to the blue rider again . Not that he hadn 't seen Seng recently , he was pathetic , he knew it , but he couldn 't help but enjoy every moment they spent together , no matter how frequent . Before he was within earshot of Seng however , Elrost was distracted by the man speaking to him . It was hard to not know who he was , and a quick perusal of the man 's demeanour , and leg , told him that it must be the Mountain Wingsecond , B ' lye . He hoped , briefly , that there weren 't many other legless riders hopping around for Elrost to make a fool of himself . But the man 's words left him puzzled . Personal Weyrs ? He supposed they had spent time together in Seng 's Weyr , but they hadn 't done anything yet . Nothing he thought would be broadcast around the Weyr . Smiling a little puzzled at B ' lye , he responded , " I 'm sorry ? I 'm not sure I understand what you mean . Seng invited me . " He said simply . The two of them were taking it slow , Seng had asked him to . Not ready yet for anything more involved yet , and Elrost had promised to allow the blue rider the time he needed . There was no heat in the words , just a little confusion , as he wasn 't particularly offended yet . But he also wasn 't entirely sure what B ' lye was implying about his relationship with Seng , when really , it wasn 't his business unless Seng had told him personally . Elrost didn 't want anyone to make Seng uncomfortable by butting in where they weren 't wanted . Even if they were the Mountain Wingsecond . Spoiler for Hidden : @ SirAlahn I left this open in case Seng wants to run over and drag Elrost away before B ' lye can say anything too explicit @ RaynePOTM Logged Come on . It 's going to be fun . Iralye rolled her eyes , but none - the - less , stood up from where she had been sitting at her small table , doing some final checks of her straps and equipment before drills the next morning . I 'm sure they 'll all be happy tomorrow morning during drills too . She replied sarcastically , those who drank copious amounts tonight , would wake up with a raging headache the next morning , and she didn 't think that R ' sin would be particularly lenient on his riders , just because the riders bet had occurred the night before . Tonight , she was wearing the leather vest of her riding leathers , paired with a more casual pair of dark pants . Not caring whether it was slightly too formal for the occasion , Iralye liked the way she looked and felt in them . Making sure that the rest of her leathers and clothes for the next day were folded neatly on the trunk at the foot of her bed , and her straps hung over the hook she had added near the ledge , she decided that her room was neat enough . Come oooon . Rallekath urged impatiently when Iralye seemed to check the room for the fourth time . It doesn 't need to be organised everytime you leave . Doesn 't it ? What if I bring someone back tonight ? I 'd like it to be reflective . Sure , like you 'd want to spend the night with anyone but the twins now . Iralye ignored her simply because it was true . When she entered the hall , she didn 't approach the drinks immediately , instead making sure to bow to Halirina and Kalestath , but making no comment to either of them , before she situated herself on the far side of the sands , with a good view of the eggs , and a view of the entrance to watch who came in . Logged While the rider 's bet was often a joyous occasion , there was a deep seated sense of tradition to the event , and X ' kis was not one to dishonor such a thing by arriving late . With Lesiff keeping an eye on the newest additions to their weyr , he stood close to his weyrmate as they bowed to the senior queen and her bonded before moving aside to let the other attendees approach . He left Eimerra 's side only for a moment as he retrieved two drinks for them , letting her choose which glass she wanted before taking a tentative sip of his own . It wasn 't unpleasant exactly , though truth be told he never quite developed the taste for any sort of alcohol , even after the limitations were raised after weyrlinghood . He had never found reason to try and numb his mind , though he had gotten quite close when Cinta had passed away . In any case , this was not an occasion to be thinking about the past . This was one for the future . Another impressive clutch , and the eggs had hardened marvelously . Despite himself , he even held a few marks he 'd accrued over the turns in his pocket , prepared to participate in the betting though not concerned about whether he would win or lose . His frown soon turned to a smile as he saw B ' lye hobble on over to the beastcrafter who had gifted him with Flirt , unable to resist the amusement he felt at the greenrider 's nose for gossip . He was not unaware that any non - rider coming to the bets would have had to be invited , and B ' lye 's interest in the poor sod indicated that it was very much a surprise . Forrikenth has given him a lift before , X ' kismine . the brown crooned softly , ever in tune to X ' kis train of thought . " Odd to be aware of something when B ' lye isn 't … " X ' kis murmured more to himself than anyone else , though he would be sure to tease the greenrider about it at some point . Perhaps when he deigned to send him a message again . He did glance around to see if Seng was nearby , knowing that should the bluerider indeed have been the one to invite him , they may feel offended shouldInki and SirAlahn Well , that 's a little disappointing … What have you done , Mine ? Nothing ! He just … didn 't get my joke . Oh no , I do believe your evening has been thoroughly ruined . B ' lye could almost hear the snort from his right , where Uereth lay while he worked at his desk , and see her eyes swirling with the colour of mirth in his mind 's eye as humour radiated through their bond . Ignoring it , B ' lye straightened ever so slightly . The Green rider did hate explaining his jokes , but he didn 't want to leave the lad feeling left out of something . Returning the polite smile with a little more enthusiasm than the Beastcrafter , he resolved to tone it down a little , leaving a positive impression was more important than his sense of humour , after all . The name of the rider in question made his face genuinely light up , also the use of the non - honorific name . Although B ' lye didn 't feel right in using the informal , he knew that it was common for those in Prairie to use Seng instead of S ' eng , and B ' lye considered the nickname a wonderful display of comradery . There weren 't many people alive today other than his own mother and sister that used a nickname for B ' lye , and although it never really bothered him , hearing it used by the Beastcrafter warmed his heart , and he felt genuinely happy for Seng that the young Blue rider felt comfortable using it with the man . " S ' eng ! Fantastic , good rider from all reports , although I haven 't had much to do with him I suppose . I 'm glad to see he has a good taste in men at the least . If my memory serves me well , and it usually does , although I am my mother 's son , you 're a Beastcrafter are you not ? With a delightful green wher ? Although I fear we 've never officially met . " Tucking his crutch under the crook of his other arm , B ' lye extended his hand . " My name is B ' lye , rider of Green Uereth . Always a pleasure to meet an almost unfamiliar face , especially at the Rider 's Bet , " although he 'd indeed toned it down , B ' lye couldn 't help a waggle of his brows at the end « Last Edit : May 22 , 2017 , 04 : 46 : 59 AM by B ' lye » Elrost didn 't understand , not really . He heard the tone he supposed , and from B ' lye 's enthusiasm , he just had to assume that the man at least knew that he and Seng were courting . Elrost guessed it wasn 't a secret , they hadn 't exactly been hiding the amount of time they spent with each other , or meeting up in secluded places . So , he was still slightly unsure the extent to which B ' lye was implying , but Elrost wasn 't going to ask again . " I am indeed . " Elrost extended his own hand to shake B ' lye 's . " Journeyman Elrost at your service . Ellsk is my wher , Harrier my working firelizard . " Once again , he saw the waggle of brows , he heard the tone , but indeed , did not assume anything nefarious . Elrost supposed that it was quite rare for a rider to be being courted by a crafter or holder , they usually kept to their own , if only for the sake of simplicity . So whilst Elrost knew he was missing something , he assumed politeness on B ' lye 's part , and simple interest in his budding relationship with Seng . " It was a pleasure meeting you , B ' lye . But I believe I have kept Seng waiting for too long , shall we ? " He gestured to the entrance of the hatching sands for them to continue their walk . Logged Nervous as he was , Seng spotted Elrost just as another rider moved to intercept him . The Herder truly had gone all out in dressing up for the occasion , and abruptly Seng was wishing that he had worn his leathers . Elrost looked so handsome and formal . Self - consciously , Seng smoothed his hands down his clothes though they didn 't need it . The rider speaking to him , he recognized as Mountain 's Wingsecond , B ' lye . Seng didn 't know the man personally , but he did have a reputation for always knowing what was going on in the weyr . Which , no doubt , was the reason that Elrost 's presence had been a curiosity to him in the first place . Riders arriving with other riders was usually worthy of note , if one cared about that sort of thing and the gossip mill . But for a non - rider to show up , when they could only get in via invitation … that was altogether a different kind of interesting . So Seng was blushing , and his heart was racing . He even hesitated a moment to go over - but he shouldn 't abandon Elrost to anyone 's probing questions . Maybe he should have made sure the Herder understood the implications of the invitation . Another regret , along with not wearing his riding leathers to the event . / / I 'm making a mess of all of this . / / You are not . The Blue 's voice was a reassuring warmth in his head . But you should go join him . You did invite him here so both of you could have a good time . Color high , he unclasped his hands and slipped past the others arriving and entering the Sands so that he could join Elrost at his side as the two drew nearer . Seng smiled slightly for B ' lye too , inclining his head respectfully . " Wingsecond . " And then , because there was no point in acting coy , he linked his arm with Elrost 's though he was still blushing , voice pitched low . " You look very nice . " Elrost couldn 't help but feel happy about how naturally Seng just fit in beside him , linking their arms together , so he planted a kiss on the bluerider 's cheek . Chaste perhaps , but a definite public display of affection . " Thank you . " He said softly , enough so that it was for Seng 's ears alone . " I expect we shall meet again Wingsecond , " he said , bowing his head respectfully , " It was a pleasure . " But Elrost wanted to focus all of his attention on Seng right now , and they walked arm in arm into the hatching sands . " You look great , Seng . " Elrost said sincerely when they were out of earshot of the others , and the beastcrafter couldn 't help but be a little surprised at just how truly large the clutch , and the eggs themselves were . He supposed that he 'd seen his fair share of hatchings at Southern Winds before , but it was different seeing them from up in the stands , in comparison to standing next to them . " So B ' lye is an . . . interesting person . He seems to be quite well - informed . " Wing activities , sming … mactivities . Or something . Not that Laimora planned to drink until she dropped ( Daraneth would never allow it ) , but she yearned to let down her hair and party with the Weyr . The forlornness of the general living situation didn 't affect her as much as it may have others - mostly because she liked to pervasively live in ignorant bliss . No sense in dwelling on the terrible divide between Weyrfolk and the other residents of Fort Island . Daraneth dropped her off at the entrance to the sands , then sat in the topmost ledges to watch , Thalia curled up in his outstretched paw . She was glad for his affection towards the flitter - and the young green seemed to adore him in return . At least Thalia would never lack for love . The woman moved with unusual purpose , bowing before Halirina and Kalestath . Noting M ' rek was nearby , she nodded to him , too - " Weyrwoman . Sir , " and now that the formalities were over , she flounced away , a great big smile on her face . Easy peasy . It was sad to drink alone - but having a few sips was a different matter entirely . She helped herself to a cup of red , studying those who had already arrived . B ' lye was making awkwardness a tangible thing - typical B ' lye - fashion - and B ' ron was there , and J ' thir … ah , now there was a lovely lady , familiar in face but not in name . With the easy steps of someone who was entirely there for fun , she made her way over to @ Iralye and sat down - close enough for conversation , but not enough to burst any personal bubbles . With a sip of her wine and an enthusiastic grin , Mora turned to her newfound neighbour and offered , in the way of introduction , " two marks on a surprise gold hatchling . I love impossible odds . " Although there was no glimmer of gold amongst the eggshells , Kalestath 's clutch seemed large and healthy . Plus - wasn 't this the woman who shacked up with those brother - riders ? Impossible indeed . . . Spoiler for OOC : Not sure how Rider 's Bet works . ^^ ; Let me know if I 've gone wrong . Also @ Inki please let me know if you want me toInki Returning his hand to his crutches , B ' lye nodded politely . Before he could carry on with lighter conversation , hopefully one that wasn 't as lost in translation , Seng 's arrival caught his eye . His expression was once again warmed with genuine happiness at how the two fit comfortably together , reddened cheeks or no . But he had definitely outstayed his welcome and it was probably time to botherentertain someone else . " Ah , good evening S ' eng ! Strapping young man you 've got here , I hope the two of you enjoy the rest of your evening , " he said with a smile as he returned Elrost 's head inclination , before heading off in search of someone better acquainted with his sense of humour . Spying a traitorous Brown rider a little way off , B ' lye turned himself in that direction . B ' lye always moved slow , not because he needed to , roughly two decades on crutches meant he was certainly adept at getting around in them , but because there was rarely need to hurry . And it allowed him to eavesdrop without being too obvious , and gauge the atmosphere of the people around him in case intervention was needed , and be waylaid by those who needed to speak to him but weren 't so used to crowds ( which occasionally happened for Mountain riders ) , and to be honest , just because he enjoyed taking his time . Whilst absorbing the chatter of those around him , he noted his daughter off to the side , being engaged by another rider . Another rider his daughter would usually steer herself away from . With a conspirator 's grin , he detoured his way towards the pair , though he wouldn 't stay to chat . He knew the Blue rider , of course , though not personally . An energetic woman from Beach . Given his daughter liked to keep to her own Wing , it was likely that this conversation wouldn 't last long but he couldn 't blame Laimora for trying . He would be the first to say he had indeed produced attractive children . As he made it to the pair , he bent to Iralye 's ear and whispered so that Laimora wouldn 't be able to hear , " play nice dear , and yoLogged Oriath was a sucker for sweet - talk , and everyone knew it ; Leremith always knew just what to say , and the gold back on her ledge hummed satisfaction that she made sure her mate felt . As the human side of the equation , Vanelwynne was as amused as she ever was , but her focus was mostly away from her dragon and on a determination to keep B ' ron in reasonably good spirits . It wasn 't seeming hard , just then , and she gave him a bright smile as she linked her arm with his and hopped down to the sand . Her own gown wasn 't as nice as she might have wished it to be , back in the days before everything was scarce and she wouldn 't have had to wear a repeat , but it was elegant and long , a pale blue , formal without being showstopping . It was still Halirina 's party , and not hers . She was enthusiastic support for everyone . . . except maybe S ' bok . " Thank you , " she said earnestly , heartfelt rather than cloying . " Someday , maybe you 'll consider a white tunic , it would be even more handsome . " That was playful , but she still gave his outfit an appreciative glance . Boring , sure , but appropriate and attractive still . Shrug off her comments about white tunics . She cast a glance out at the group , trying to place who was where , and noticed the end of the exchange of B ' lye with Elrost and Seng ; she liked Seng , and tried to stifle a smile at figuring out what that might all be about . Rohbarth was curled up on the grass , enjoying the evening sun shining on his hide as D ' zel returned from the baths . " Alright , I 'm going to go do the pleasantries thing and go drink myself silly . You have fun spying on the younglings . " After getting dressed , he made his way over to the hatching sands where everyone else was gathered and drinking . As always , he respectfully acknowledged the senior pair before heading over to the table . " Good evening , Weyrwoman , Weyrleader . I hope you are both well . " As he got his drink , he scanned the room for someone to bother for the remainder of the evening . Chuckling to himself after finding his targets , he ambled over to the pair . " X ' kis , B ' lye . I trust you two are doing well . And if you aren 't , here 's to feeling better here soon . " Seng 's blush only deepened when Elrost kissed him on the cheek , though he wasn 't displeased by the display in the least . Rather , it made his heart flutter warmly to have the Herder so visibly expressing his affection for him , and even Forrikenth purred in his head , pleased that his rider had crossed the initial hurdle of awkwardness for the evening . Now that his arm was linked with Elrost , what was there to be awkward about ? He tried not to think about later in the evening . " I look underdressed compared to you , " he confessed with a chagrined , shy smile . " You look amazing , Elrost . And I feel now like I should have worn my leathers . " The fact that he felt comfortable enough to admit that was no insignificant thing . Usually , Seng didn 't like telling other people when things made him uneasy . But he felt like … Elrost would understand . Obviously , the other man had gone through no small trouble to make sure he looked proper for the evening . Maybe he would forgive Seng for not looking quite as impressive . As he led him inside , Seng steered them toward the table of refreshments near to the edge of the Sands . He wasn 't much of a big drinker himself , and didn 't think Elrost really was ever , but it was part of the spirit of the evening . Only reluctantly did he disentangle his arm from his companions so that he could pour a drink for each of them . " Yes . Yes , he is . " The Blue rider chuckled softly and handed a small glass of wine to Elrost . " He makes a point to know everything going on in the weyr . I should have known you attending would get his attention . I 'm sorry if he made you uncomfortable . " The last sentence was almost murmured . Probing questions were just B ' lye 's way , after all , but someone with more Crafter - aligned sensibilities might have found them rude . R ' sin was late . Some might say fashionably late , if concern about being fashionable was something the Jungle Wingleader would ever consider . It was nothing so vain as that , simply what it always was with R ' sin . Weyr and duty . And tonight it had been finishing Wing transfer request reports and hunting reports for S ' bok . Could they have waited until after training session tomorrow morning ? Probably . But he wasn 't going to leave any opening for any remarks from the child Weyrleader about unfinished work . He wanted to thoroughly enjoy his night . And contrary to what most might think , R ' sin was a hedonist at heart and he , as much as the next guy did enjoy having fun . The Rider 's Bet was one of the few times he felt he could relax and have fun . He was dressed nice , but simple , in beige cotton tunic that hung loose with the buttons at the collar undone making the cord that hung around his neck and the worn mark dangling from it visible and soft brown breeches . The was one mark he 'd not be betting tonight . His hair was still slightly damp from bathing in a hurry to get here . R ' sin greeted Halirina and Kalestath with a respectful bow as he entered and he grabbed a drink , surveying the crowd . Like M ' rek he hadn 't expected to see many nonriders and he was pleased that his expectations were met . Faranth help whoever stirred up trouble tonight and ruined his time to relax . When he saw X ' kis and B ' lye chatting he made a decision to move in their direction . Perhaps it would be a good idea to talk more with the Weyr 's newest Weyrsecond . " Evening boys , " he greeted , a far more relaxed demeanor than most people ever saw from the Jungle Wingleader and probably a side of him no one outside these Bets had ever seen . Spoiler for Hidden : @ RaynePOTM @ Kyya Logged At B ' lye 's beeline , X ' kis found himself smiling ever so slightly , and having to hide the expression behind his cup , sipping as if to say the amusement was for the wine itself and not the serious set to his friend 's face as he hobbled on over . " Evening Wingsecond . Wouldn 't miss an opportunity to take your marks even with thread falling . " He responded in an equally serious tone , though the amusement to his face would have been hard for the nosey fool to miss . He did end up chuckling himself as B ' lye dropped the façade . It was definitely easier to act like they kept eachother at an arms - length away when they were simply exchanging letters , and even then the content was rarely any more serious than what one would expect from two old friends . B ' lye was nothing if not a bad influence when it came to keeping business business while still having a bit of a laugh on the side . " I definitely don 't envy the person who catches Imyth when she next rises , but it will not be so bad for just one turn . " He laughed in response to the paperwork comment , though truth be told the next person wouldn 't have the backlog created when the previous weyrsecond had been demoted . As was the way , he did not have much time to jest with B ' lye as he would like , with D ' zel approaching and offering a brief toast to be joined soon after by R ' sin . If X ' kis had thought to return to the formalities that he felt suited the company , the Jungle Wingleader 's relaxed demeanor swayed him against the idea , releasing the muscles he had tensed in anticipation of a more formal conversation thanks to the new company and inwardly greatful for it . " Weyrlingmaster and Wingleader . What a pleasure to see you this evening . Here to steal some of B ' lye 's marks as well ? Between the three of us I don 't think he 's got much of a chance to hold onto them for long . " He chuckled , comfortable in his knowledge that B ' lye , at least , would take no offence to the good natured ribbing . He was notorious for losing marks at the bet , so iLogged Ugh . Vanelwynne trying to update his wardrobe . " Why do I need to look good when I have someone as beautiful as you standing next to me ? " At least she was pretty , she wasn 't the Weyrwoman , but she was a good substitute for the time being . Better than that little snip Eimerra and the nearly mute Nalata . Other than that , he was quiet , not quite the best conversationalist when it came to small talk , and he had pretty much exhausted that for the night . The clutch was far bigger than it should have been , without the Queen , and he was concerned over the potential appearance of more mutations . If the clutch did indeed produce new colours , it would seem inevitable from then on . They had to prepare for it in any case , O ' sir had been stricter with his instructions , making sure all the candidates would know what to do if more Reds starting trampling across the sands , there had only been 3 last time , surely they could handle that again ? " A drink ? " He asked Vanelwynne , as he turned to see whom was in the hatching sands tonight , and whom would be the least annoying to deal with for the time he was obliged to be there . Spoiler for Tags : @ aster Ta da Logged Iralye glanced sideways at the woman , these bets were always sort of useless , they bet with a currency which had no use or meaning anymore , and therefore , paved the way for ridiculous and wasteful bets such as this one . She almost wanted to decline for the principle of it , a ) that the bluerider was approaching her in the first place , and b ) that it seems like a complete throw away of the marks . But Iralye didn 't , for some reason , she was in a good mood , that wouldn 't temper the sarcasm of her remark . " Ah yes , why would I decline a bet that I know I 'm going to win ? You 're on . " At her father 's approach , she rolled her eyes , and threw a small piece of bread at his retreating back , nailing him right in the centre , but it was so small , he probably wouldn 't feel the impact . Of course she looked nice , but that didn 't mean she had to play nice . Spoiler for Tags : @ RaynePOTM for mention @ Mareep for sorry Iralye is a bitch Logged If you have any open threads and you 'd like them listed , let us know . In - Depth Character Prompts - For SOLO ThreadsDon ' tcha Just Hate It When . . . - 21 . 6 . 2589 x SeaphonellquaJust Teasing - 1 . 9 . 2589 x NishiDeath by Boredom - 32 . 10 . 2589 x CallistaWeyrling Shenanigans - 5 . 1 . 2590 x WeyrlingsSunbaking - 15 . 1 . 2590 x W ' umKlah and Long Nights - 23 . 1 . 2590 x IsotarïneSun and Sarcasm - 13 . 3 . 2590 x B ' lyeBreakfast Delivery - 15 . 3 . 2590 x K ' eedaIn the Radiant Sun - 15 . 3 . 2590 x T ' lorThree Cheers to Sweet Isolation - 17 . 3 . 2590 x PendertonNapping on a Wher - 18 . 3 . 2590 x SarineaCoryza - 20 . 3 . 2590 x VanelwynneDuty and Friends - 22 . 3 . 2590 x BrezellaSurprises in Store . . . - 28 . 3 . 2590 x Ar ' tanToday is a Mess - 2 . 4 . 2590 x O ' sirGetting the Ducks Back in a Row - 2 . 4 . 2590 x D ' zelThe Down Low - 3 . 4 . 2590 x CallistaNow It 's a Party ! - 7 . 4 . 2590 x B ' lyeTwisted Ankle - 25 . 04 . 2590 x IsaliaDragon 's Dance - 8 . 5 . 2590 x BekareniA Weyrling 's First Steps - 10 . 5 . 2590 x D ' zelEvening Showers - 11 . 5 . 2590 x K ' ranSinging with Flits - 20 . 5 . 2590 x LokinThey Aren 't That Heavy - 21 . 5 . 2590 x TiynnalaciaHow To Train a Dragon - 01 . 06 . 2590 x NaliseAvoiding Responsibiliy - 04 . 06 . 2590 x ElremmiriaAnother Homecoming - 15 . 06 . 2590 x K ' eirAll the Pretties Shine - 19 . 06 . 2590 x Laimora
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The last few months I feel like I 've been in a whirlwind . Traveling back and forth to Ohio when my Dad was ill , preparing for his memorial service after his death , honoring what would have been Jordan 's commencement with purple ribbons , and then Memorial Day weekend honoring Daddy 's final wish of spreading his ashes in his hometown in West Virginia . The part of West Virginia where my parents and their parents lived is fit for any postcard . The summer mountains are filled with lush green trees and roll on and on for as far as the eye can see . The area where Daddy lived was a mining town and everyone called it " # 9 " because that was the number of the mine that the men worked in and they lived in company owned housing and shopped at the company store . My hand covered my mouth as I wept thinking back to our very last conversation when I asked him if he was sure the creek was still there and he replied , " Shoot girl , of course it 's still there . " The creek was there and he was right , Mama knew how to get there . My great - uncle who had driven with my cousin said as he got out of the car , " I thought I 'd seen all of West Virginia , but I 've never been out here . " The area was overgrown and I looked up from the creek to all the trees and tall grass , trying to imagine what it looked like when it was dotted with small houses . What dotted the area now were yellow and black butterflies everywhere . Their presence was as if to say , " You 're in the right place . We 're here to make sure it 's special for you . " None of us had every seen so many butterflies in one place . I joked , " Daddy wanted to make sure we didn 't miss the place . " After we 'd all had a chance to look around and take pictures of the waterfall and creek and the mountains as the backdrop it was time to do the task that had brought us to the spot . Mark carefully pulled the metal container from the back of the car . Mark nodded and continued over to the creek just under the waterfall . Mama asked for a word of prayer and we all gathered , holding hands and my Uncle prayed for us and for the task we were undertaking . As we dropped hands I looked over to see Lindsay and Kendall crying and put an arm around each one of them holding them close . The bag was opened and Mark began to pour the ashes and we all watched as the ashes mingled and churned with the water cascading from the waterfall before drifting downstream . Mark poured a bit more in and then I reached into my pocket and removed the small container that held some of Jordan 's ashes . With a high arc I flung them into the water . " Thank you Daddy for letting Jordan be with you . " The only sounds were weeping . My mother wailed as she watched the remains of the man she 'd loved since high school drift down the creek he 'd played in as a boy . Suddenly we were all together hugging and crying as the sunshine warmed our backs . Mama began to quiet down and we all stepped back a little to give her space . I went back to the waterfall and just watched the water no longer clear but muddied with the ashes . As I walked back to the car , I searched the ground for rocks that weren 't broken pieces of gravel and found a coral colored rock and one stone with specks of glittering green . I put them in my pocket thinking of all the rock Daddy had skipped in that same creek . Our day wasn 't done , Mama wanted to spread some of Daddy 's ashes around the graves of her parents and that of his oldest sister . We loaded back into the car for the next sojourn . As we pulled away from the creek Mark suddenly stopped the car . Tagged with : auto accidentscremationdeath of sonfamily supportgriefJordanloss of childmemoriesspreading asheswistfulness While Sam Cooke Sang Many of you have found my blog through my piece on the Huffington Post and to you all I say thank you and welcome . I feel the need to repost a few posts about my dad so that those new to my blog can have a true sense of who he was . I say was because Daddy died on Easter Sunday , 2011 after a brief battle with metastasized lung cancer . Below is the piece I wrote about saying goodbye . I have been away from my blog for a while as I 've been in Ohio with my family during my father 's illness . Sadly , I have to tell you that my father passed away on April 24th , 2011 . I was able to be in Ohio with him before he died . We sat and talked and he told me what he wanted for his memorial service , who he wanted to speak and of course a saxophone playing . Daddy loved jazz and the saxophone was his favorite instrument . He had 10 's of thousands of songs that he catalogued on his computer . His jazz library could rival any formal library in the world . " Of course you can , even if it 's just a teaspoonful . You know Jordan is my boy . Now you notice I said is , not was . " Later that day he was moved from the hospital to an inpatient hospice facility . Our hope was that he would be able to come home in a few days after they transferred him to oral medications . Unfortunately , his condition deteriorated rapidly and by Friday he wasn 't talking anymore but didn 't seem to be in much pain . When my mom and I walked into his room on Friday as part of our new routine I asked him what music he wanted to hear . I rolled out the usuals , Stanley Turrentine , Gene Ammons , Jimmy Smith . He shook his head " no " until I came to Sam Cooke . He wasn 't in the mood for jazz , but for gospel . I stood rubbing his shoulder as he seemed a bit restless and then he reached out for my hand . I took his hand and told my mother to hold his other . All the while Sam Cooke and the Soul Stirrers played , " Nearer To Thee , " in the background . After a few minutes of standing at his bedside holding his hands he gently pulled his hands away . Mama and I went to sit down . I looked over at my exhausted mother and saw that she had drifted off to sleep . Daddy would close his eyes for a few minutes and then open them again , putting his hands behind his head and then trying to turn in bed . He was too weak to turn and shook his head " no " when I asked if he wanted help . I looked over at him as he lay with his eyes closed and suddenly he opened his eyes and with perfect clarity winked at me which brought me to the edge of my seat . I smiled back , so familiar with that wink and knowing this time all the words that it conveyed , " I 'm alright " , " Take care of yourself " , " Take care of your Mama " , " Goodbye . " That was the last time Daddy opened his eyes and his gift of a wink was the perfect goodbye . He was an amazing man who taught me so much about life and not fearing death . Sleep well my wonderful father . You have earned your rest . Tagged with : cremationfamily supportgiftsgriefmemoriesspreading asheswistfulness Finding Different Ways To Mother My Children A new friend made this button for my blog so that even as I mourn not being able to see Jordan graduate from college I can proudly honor him and show how proud I am of my son . I invite all of you to help me commemorate Jordan 's graduation by tying a purple ribbon on a tree in your yard on May 22nd ( graduation day ) and / or place this " button " on your blog or Facebook page . Thank you all for the support , kindness and love you continue to give me . One of the things my father said to me before he died was , " Jordan is alright . You have to believe that , so you can move on with your life . I know you hurt , and the hurt doesn 't just go away , but he was a good boy and he 's alright . " Daddy 's words tug at the part of me that now holds the , " shoulds . " Jordan should still be alive like the other boys in the car . Jordan should be graduating from college . Jordan should be sharing in Merrick 's excitement about going off to school . As much as I feel the weight of the " shoulds , " there is a gradual lessening of the heartache that paralyzed me for so long . Acceptance sidles up next to me like a timid but persistent bird looking for a perch . There are times when it stays for a little while but then scampers off when I turn suddenly , feeling something foreign sitting too close . The trick I think is to not be afraid of being still and letting all the hurt and longing that need to flow do so at will . Then my heart which is the perch for acceptance can receive it without fear that even though my son is gone from this earth , I can always keep him with me . It is a mighty , exhausting task and some days I wonder if my perch will ever be ready . Steps are being taken that make me feel able to bring forth the pride I have in Jordan without so much of the regret that he 's not here . The weekend of April 15th a week after visiting my dad in the hospital , Mark , Merrick and I traveled to Amherst , MA . It was our first time back since Jordan died . Our trip was for Merrick who has decided upon a college that is in the same town where his brother went to school . Merrick deliberated and made his choice with wisdom and much thought . Merrick 's story will be told at another time . With each remark I 'd nod or give an , " uh huh , ' as I kept my hand on his arm while we drove back to the hotel after the parent reception . The drive we took from the airport led us into town a different route than when we dropped Jordan off at school . We didn 't have to pass Amherst College that first day and I was so relieved . That first day , just being in the town was enough to make me tremble . I wanted my attention to be on being Merrick 's parent as he visited his new school . I knew we 'd see the school the next day because we brought some of Jordan 's ashes with us to spread on campus . It was a last minute decision which meant that I searched frantically online for an appropriate travel urn and then paid dearly for it to be shipped overnight so we would have it before our trip . This trip was our first time spreading any of Jordan 's ashes and as Amherst 's commencement draws near I wanted a part of Jordan to be on campus . I asked Mark to look up where the ceremony would be held and he found out it would be on the Main Quad . The other urgency I felt in taking Jordan 's ashes with us on this trip is because I knew the next time we would be in Amherst would be to settle Merrick into his new dorm . The two events could not coincide , not if I want Merrick to feel and know that soon this little town that our oldest boy loved will be our youngest son 's place too . He will have our full attention as we go through the ritual so many parents do as they take their child to college . We told Merrick ahead of time that we were bringing Jordan 's ashes with us . The Saturday of our visit there were sessions for students and parents at Merrick 's new school . We met him there that morning and sat in on a Q & A for parents while Merrick attended one of the student panels . I sat there partially amazed and partially dumbfounded that not only was I sending my second child off to school but that he was just a few miles from where his brother used to go . Looking around the room I saw the anxiety and pride that all of the parents shared . I then marveled that I was able to sit and listen without having to flee the room in tears . As much as I couldn 't imagine the moment of fully accepting Merrick being a college student , there I sat becoming informed about the journey and adventure that lay ahead for him . Mark and I sat in the front row , even though we got there a bit late . We squeezed each other 's hands as we sat down . Having that deja vu feeling , both of us remembering sitting in a similar room a lifetime ago when Jordan started school . Mark in typical fashion pulled out a notepad and pen , took notes and asked a few questions . I sat watching and listening as the other parents asked questions about meal plan , first year courses and dorm selection . With every answer given by the faculty and administration I felt more and more comfortable that Merrick was right , this was the school for him . Merrick thought for a moment and then explained to his dad all the wonderful opportunities the school held for him and that he 'd found it not because of its location but because of what it had to offer . He ended by saying , " Dad , you and Mom will be all right . " Somehow we are , because we made our way back for the first time to Amherst and are starting to see it through Merrick 's eyes . After the panel discussion we met Merrick in the lobby of the building and told him we were going over to Amherst to spread Jordan 's ashes . I asked him , " It 's totally up to you . I know there 's another seminar on music you want to go to , but you can come with us if you like . Whatever you decide is okay . " We walked to the car with Merrick animatedly recounting his evening and the students he 'd met . We all piled into the car and silence overtook us . We made the quick drive to , " Jordan 's school " and got out of the car with Mark holding the travel urn which is shaped like a book with images of Copernicus ' drawings on it . I looked up as we walked and realized we 'd parked right by the library . I reached for the urn , " I want to spread some ashes here . Jordan always called me when he was on his way to the library . I want a part of him to always be here . I took the plastic bag out of the urn and spread ashes in the bushes by the library saying , Mark and I openly cried with Merrick standing between us , putting his hands on our shoulders . We continued walking to the place where we 'd taken the first picture of Jordan as an Amherst freshman . Students walked by in groups laughing and talking and some of them stealing looks at this threesome with such solemn expressions . We reached the memorial honoring veterans who 'd attended Amherst with the beautiful mountain range in the background . As we reached the spot Mark openly sobbed . I guided him to a bench by the memorial and sat next to him rubbing his back as we both cried . I looked at him and realized that there were splotches of ashes visible on his black trench coat . I started to brush them off but Mark leaned into me and I wrapped my arms around him telling him , " It 's okay we can take as long as we need . " Merrick and I sat together on the bench as Mark went to the shrubs by the memorial whispering something we couldn 't hear and spreading the remainder of the bag of ashes . After he was done he came and sat with us , the three of us looking out at the horizon . I stole a look at my watch and realized we needed to get going back to the airport . Mark stood , pulled out his camera and took one last picture of the memorial where Jordan proudly stood as an incoming freshman . The space where Jordan once stood was now empty . Jordan wasn 't there to frame the view in the distance . But he was there . We made sure of it . He 'll always have a place at , " his school . " Tagged with : Amherst Collegebrotherscollegecremationspreading ashes While Sam Cooke Sang I have been away from my blog for a while as I 've been in Ohio with my family during my father 's illness . Sadly , I have to tell you that my father passed away on April 24th , 2011 . I was able to be in Ohio with him before he died . We sat and talked and he told me what he wanted for his memorial service , who he wanted to speak and of course a saxophone playing . Daddy loved jazz and the saxophone was his favorite instrument . He had 10 's of thousands of songs that he catalogued on his computer . His jazz library could rival any formal library in the world . " Of course you can , even if it 's just a teaspoonful . You know Jordan is my boy . Now you notice I said is , not was . " Later that day he was moved from the hospital to an inpatient hospice facility . Our hope was that he would be able to come home in a few days after they transferred him to oral medications . Unfortunately , his condition deteriorated rapidly and by Friday he wasn 't talking anymore but didn 't seem to be in much pain . When my mom and I walked into his room on Friday as part of our new routine I asked him what music he wanted to hear . I rolled out the usuals , Stanley Turrentine , Gene Ammons , Jimmy Smith . He shook his head " no " until I came to Sam Cooke . He wasn 't in the mood for jazz , but for gospel . I stood rubbing his shoulder as he seemed a bit restless and then he reached out for my hand . I took his hand and told my mother to hold his other . All the while Sam Cooke and the Soul Stirrers played , " Nearer To Thee , " in the background . After a few minutes of standing at his bedside holding his hands he gently pulled his hands away . Mama and I went to sit down . I looked over at my exhausted mother and saw that she had drifted off to sleep . Daddy would close his eyes for a few minutes and then open them again , putting his hands behind his head and then trying to turn in bed . He was too weak to turn and shook his head " no " when I asked if he wanted help . I looked over at him as he lay with his eyes closed and suddenly he opened his eyes and with perfect clarity winked at me which brought me to the edge of my seat . I smiled back , so familiar with that wink and knowing this time all the words that it conveyed , " I 'm alright " , " Take care of yourself " , " Take care of your Mama " , " Goodbye . " That was the last time Daddy opened his eyes and his gift of a wink was the perfect goodbye . He was an amazing man who taught me so much about life and not fearing death . Sleep well my wonderful father . You have earned your rest .
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Month : January 2012 DREAM ON ~ January 25 , 2012January 25 , 2012 Honest - To - God JoLeave a comment " I am on an airplane high in a night sky . I see the stars out my window and I am thinking about how clear and perfect and CLOSE they look . I notice benignly that there is no one on the plane with me . I am enjoying the peace and silence . I can also feel that my horse is somewhere on board and that makes me happy . I feel secure and relaxed . Up ahead I see a sudden flurry of activity in the captain 's cabin . The door is slightly ajar obviously unbeknownst to the participants of the argument not meant to be seen by a passenger in the cabin . The flight attendant suddenly stops arguing with the captain when she spots me looking at her and her shoulders slump . She looks to the captain for approval do something and she begins to walk towards me . I can tell that something terrible has happened by the look on her face . I feel an intuitive understanding that I am about to die on this airplane . We are going to blow up … I can just tell . It happens fast ; I have no time to become afraid in my consciousness . I don 't recall any noise , just a silent whoosh as the flames erupt behind the form walking towards me . I see her evaporate as fast as one blink take . She is there , a black shadow moving slowly toward me , shoulders slumped i frank resignation to our fate . The next blink she is gone , consumed in a nanosecond . But time slows for me now and the flames look somehow beautiful , rolling towards me in a soft nearly inviting cascade . I am not afraid . I look down at my arms and time is now at a snail 's pace ; I watch the hair curl on my forearms feel a rush of heat as I evaporate and become something else , somewhere else . I am something I have always been . I am in a new place now ; somewhere both familiar and foreign at once . I struggle to " understand " this white room , made of light it seems , except for one door which is grey and seems an anomaly in this peaceful clean place . There is even a part of my lucid mind already searching for a meaning in something so psychologically obvious and basic as standing feeling formless in a white room with two doors ; one white and nearly indiscernible and one grey to which I have absolutely no affinity . But there is also a part of me that knows enough to tell my mind to shut up and allow me the opportunity of just experiencing this place , which is really no " place " at all . I decide to move towards the white door feeling suddenly quite fearless and free . I push on it and it swings wide revealing a breathtakingly beautiful canvas of nature before me . It was everything I loved revealed to me all at once . Hills and valleys and rivers , animals and colours and birds . Incredible huge mountains surrounded this place like a protective shawl . Their bases all enrobed in perfect shades of green , lush valleys and sapphire blue lakes which dot the landscape . I am standing so high and yet I can see everything so clearly ; this is an amazing feeling . I can " feel " everyone 's communication like nothing that we say or do is separate and it all occurs at this moment because there simply is no other moment . All of this is The Truth , and anything else is an illusion we are able to create . I feel everything and everyone all at once . There is such joy in my heart ! I can see now that nothing happens alone or separately from a great design and I am very much a part of the great design , as is everything that is alive . I feel The All . " What the hell is The All ? " I ask myself . Whatever it is , I think if I step off this escarpment I will fall " into the All " " , I think to myself . Dude that 's crazy . First of all I know I 'm dreaming , so I keep having to push at my ego mind to stop analyzing this dream even while I am asleep . Secondly I I am not surprised that I can fly . It 's beautiful here . The air is perfect and I suddenly understand that there is no time where I am . This is just free . It is the everything of everythings and it is giving me a " break " , this is how I feel , although it makes no sense to my " rational mind " now or even later after I analyze my dream . So , I decide once again to just flow with this experience . I let myself enjoy the JOY I felt , just looking around and BEING in the world , instead of participating in it . I feel such love flow through me . There is a little farmer down there with his sheep and other animals . He is slightly aware of me but not so much . Maybe he thinks I am a cloud ? I know I have to go back to the room eventually , but because there is no time I know I can continue to enjoy this " rejoining " feeling I was having for as long as I need to " re - member " . I continue to fly peacefully just breathing until I am compelled to return . I appear suddenly at what seems to be another door . The room is not big per se , but seems to accommodate the possibility of everything . Suddenly to my left I see a small tent with a bevy of women milling about within . At a table which is positioned under an exterior awning made of old school materials like burlap and ancient polished wood are two women . The one to my left stands to greet me and I suddenly know she was my grandmother in life . She explains that she and the other women are the keepers and creators of these incredible boxes meant to keep their ancestors memories well for future review . " So if my understanding is right , our experiences come down to snippets kept in a secret box which you review with your dead ancestors after you return to that energetic plain ? My grandmother , now about 30 years old dressed in a beautiful soft brown handmade pioneer dress with an overskirt dotted with little brown and beige roses . She is explaining to me that it is not yet time for me to see my box but that when the time came she would be there as would my mother . Part of me really understands that I am not yet finished filling my box , . But I can 't ignore the slight tug in my heart that I realize I am not here to stay in this peaceful place . I was only visiting . I see a man in front of me . He has the most amazing smiling blue eyes . It seems he is someone I know , but I just can 't place him from anywhere . He lAn old friend of my husband ; s and I has come back to town . The person that originally brought us into the world of professional music and who inspired me to stretch beyond my self - imposed limitations quite regularly . he seems to think we 're doing him a favour by letting him stay with us while he gets on his feet , but I think the whole thing is quite reciprocal . He is helping us get past a few hurdles we seems to have gotten stuck at . He is equally close to us both so the balance in the house right now is very nice . It seems all the kids are on their best behaviour because he doesn ; t have any kids and he will talk to them like adults and he has adult expectations of them , which is making us raise the bar a little around here . It 's about time . And I 'm not saying everything is perfect . It was a little tough the first few days . he was very self - absorbed , trying to " find himself " , that the diatribe of past reflections became a bit much , but I have to remember that i was certainly in that place at one time as anyone who chooses to listen to the voice within knows is the first step to understanding the bigger picture . My mother ended her chemo and radiation yesterday . Another huge WOW . That was a terrifying experience for us all . There were sooo many people praying for her and directing their positive healing energy towards her that surely she benefited . Case in point : She didn 't lose her hair or become sick even after 6 weeks of seriously intensive chemotherapy and radiation . This is an act of Grace of which I could never be unconvinced . We joke that she didn 't even get the only real " benefit " of cancer , which was to lose weight . She gained 50 pounds in the process … thinking that since she was going to be at a point in the future where she would not want to eat ( like it shows in all the movies ) then she was going to let her appetites run freely and fill herself up so she wouldn 't become too thin . But , she never got thinner . The doctor 's loved it , she admitted wasn 't a big fan , but could live with it deciding that her health would become her number one priority after the treatments and their effects abated . Pretty awesome lady . Then there is change number three ; his name is Archie . His SPCA description said that he had belonged to a street girl for 5 years and therefore was extremely well socialized . They said that Archie was a truly exceptional dog and they were looking for a special kind of home for him . I don 't know what it was that made me jump on that dog but there I was writing a little considered response to the Kijiji Ad - and please believe me when I tell you I was NOT in the market for a dog . This just happened . And yet my actions are not listening to my fear response . I feel as though I will continue forward with this as long as the process is easy ; as long as the road presents itself to me . I would not force it or try to imply my will in this , which was clearly that I was not in the mood for any more CHANGE in my life . But there it was . I tried to have faith that i would not be given more than I could handle . I realize that we don 't choose when we 're called to do something , even if we don 't know why . We can ignore it , but we 'll just get called in a different way and maybe with greater challenge . Also , it felt like an opportunity to try to " practice my faith " about how the Universe functions in relation to positive forward moving intention . It was like my own private metaphysical science test . First I ahve learned the really get honest about my own intentions . Am I pulling a " Mary Pooppins " with a person or animal , as I have in the past , to try and take the spot light off my own interior responsibilty to dealing with life on life 's terms ? I had to check my intentions as well . Why was I attracted to this miserable looking sad skinny pit bull > For God 's sake ! I have spent most of my life terrified of dogs . I had one try and surgically rearrange my own when i was a young girl and have never quite shook the fear . But Archie wasn 't in that category . A part of me felt as though I couldn 't understand why Archie was living somewhere else ; that he should just come home now . The first tests came when I decided to fill in the adoption form for fun . I sent in short humorous answers , some of the questions being clearly for new dog owners . I was surprised at the immediate response , so I relayed a message back and we opened a dialogue about Archie . I expressed my concerns openly and honestly and Irina would respond with intelligent answers that made sense . The day I had planned for a visit to the SPCA ( I was dreading that in a big way ) , I ran out of steam and they had an emergency come up . It was cancelled but we rescheduled . I thought that maybe this was the sign that i was not going to have to adjust to a new " being " in my house . I would avoid a change and I felt relieved . But instead , I received an email shortly after saying that the volunteers had seen the website for our farm and were really eager to bring the dog to us and do the home visit at the some time . I liked their tenacity and vigilance about ensuring proper dog / environment fit . I was also grateful not to have to introduce a city born street dog to my farm animals without capable experienced handlers around if something went awry . If Archie was going to have a chance he would have to display the utmost gentleness with people , especially when he greeted them . I could feel we were all a little nervous as I 'm sure Archie could as well . But he passed the tests of all of our keen observing eyes with flying colours . Kids surrounded him and touched him all over and he only showed signs of raputurous joy . Very gentle not move so as not to knock anyone over , I watched as Archie soaked in the love like a very dry sponge . It was lovely to see . But everyone ( even dogs ) has an issue and Archie 's issue seems to be cats . He almost gave Kahlua , our very old declawed ( she came like that ) house cat , an aneurism his first night on his sleep over . I have not seen her in 6 days now but the kids and Graham assure me that she is upstairs , alive and well cared for . They feed her and change her litter every day . Archie and I will have to work on the cat issue . He just sees them as big fun play things until they fight back . Archie has slid into our house with near effortless ease . We had too much activity the few days after he came and he became quite unsettled . His worse behaviour was pacing and not finding a soft place to snore . When unhappy ( which is whenever I or my husband leaves ) Archie " tweets " like a bird . We still haven 't gotten over how funny that is . Our friend Archie is very vocal . Jake has taken to him happily . They play like " real men " and when called down they both settle . It 's lovely to have two dogs who listen so well that i don 't have to worry about them hurting each other . Archie has been quite a change . I didn 't sleep my second night thinking he was going to kill Kahlua , but then the next day one of the barn cats practically walked over his face and he did nothing . I can see that it 's not an unmanageable problem and so I begin to relax . The dogs are balanced , having Graham around is nice for someone to talk to about things you don 't talk to everyone about . Everyone needs a friend like that . And Archie , well he can be found faithfully snoring on his " Archie Bunker chair " which he adopted his first night home and has claimed as his own from the get go . I am one of those real - life hippies I suppose , who is coming to terms with an idea that the world is undergoing a great global shift in consciousness . Many of us are finding that our minds are opening much faster to new ideas , that we are connecting on 6th sense level through intuition , coincidences and synchronicity like never before . This sketch represents that belief in me . Her mouth is ( poorly : ) ) made of a guitar symbolizing my belief that music is the voice of the planet . SHE comprises the planet actually . On her left you 'll see something that looks like a big ear , which is symbolic of the Divine always listening . Of course this sketch really emphasize the " Creative female Divine " which to tell you the truth I have not explored feminist religion all that much . Much relationship with God as it is is really beyond needing to believe in It Him her whatever in any physical form . Her one and only eye is all she needs , being her sixth emergent sense . the clouds over her represent her ego and the always potential darkness that can come if she isn 't diligent . Maybe that 's about my depression . She began by the box in the middle of her face , then sort of exploded outwards in fantastic shifts of light and different kinds of shapes that really make me think of water … like a lake flowing by very quickly through her . Mother earth . Something like that . Posted in AWAKENING , LIFE , poetry , SOUL SEARCHING , SPIRITUALITY , UncategorizedTagged art , depression , god , life , poetry , self awareness , spirituality CLOSET ARTIST … January 6 , 2012January 7 , 2012 Honest - To - God JoLeave a comment So , I have to admit something : I am a closet artist . Shhhh … I never call myself that in public . Kind of like when people ask me what I do in life and really what I do is write and yet I would never describe myself as a writer to them . It 's just not how I see myself . But then tonight I did the strangest thing . I was Facebooking ( is that actually an acceptible verb now ? ) with my young cousin Jenna , who seems to share at only 12 young years old the same passions I did for horses ( and all animals ) and writing , so we are becoming fast friends . I gave her one of my horses to ride and take care of because well … because if I was a 12 year old girl with a distant cousins with a horse farm , I would sure be praying to Jesus or Shiva or Zeus even for a horse to magically appear for me ! I would have tried it all ! And I could sense she was like me . Why not make my dreams come true for someone else . Mine are all here anyways 🙂 So for fun I decided to take some pictures of my sketches to show her old people still do art heh : ) . I downloaded them from my annoying blackberry onto my desktop and tadaa … all of a sudden through the magic of technology MY ART was staring at me right in the face on this ENORMOUS computer screen . My head said : At first I only heard all the negative judgement in my head . A snap reaction born of habit … that I fully intend to dump in the muck pile for all it 's worth . But the feeling inside me looking at those pictures I had sketched out really quite recently was quite horrible . There was an awful lot of emotion in those drawings , and frankly it 's one thing to feel it , and quite another to stare it in the face . Maybe my brain just didn 't like how it perhaps " re - felt " the events that cause me to draw these dreamscapes . Really I don 't know , and my older age 🙂 is teaching me to stop analyzing everything all the time . Just SEE THINGS AS THEY ARE . Man … I have been so busy in my head . Then I started thinking about Jenna 's happy unicorn and noseless women , and concluded that I had become very dark and unchildlike . In those first moments I really was seeing all that I felt I had lost . My youth , my " joie de vivre " and my panache and ability in drawing " care Bears and such . Where had all the flowers gone ? My sketches looked eerie and frankly , insane . I have always admires the " dream artists " as I call them , van Gogh , Dahli , Picasso etc … they were right up my alley . My favourite writer when I was young ? Yup you guessed it … Edgar Allen Poe . The Raven himself . Man I was dramatic . But now , I look at these sketches and I see the same penchant for dreams and fantasy , but I firgure these pictures probably tell me as much or more about myself than my writing can . Aince I believe it is our ultimate duty in life ( the only one really ) to figure ourselves out so we can be of greates use to each other , then I figured I 'd better get objective and less critical about my art and start top use it as the tool it as meant for by god . That ' sd it … simple . And my6 perception immediately shifted . " Are you kidding ! Then people might SEE it . Gawd . " Replied Little Me with an over the shoulder , " you 're an idiot " back glance . " It 's a visual expression … it does no good just being throw away by you in your 6 month " clean ups " as you call them . Just post them and write about why you drew them . Then they are at least useful to someone " . Posted in AWAKENING , LIFE , poetry , SOUL SEARCHING , SPIRITUALITYTagged depression , god , life , poetry , spirituality Bridges to Dreams January 3 , 2012 Honest - To - God JoLeave a comment I think dreams come true because we want them to come true . They don 't fall into your lap or suddenly appear unbeknownst to you . Dreams that are beneficial not only to you but to the world around you in some way , that are good for other people or the environment are always assisted by the Universe through coincidence and synchronicity . As we get older we begin to edit our dreams . I notice I dream smaller now … more cautiously . But when I was young my entire focus was on getting a horse and living on a farm . At 45 I find that is exactly where I am . It was a determined dream . I always ended my wish for those thigns in my life with a very heartfelt addendum to God : If you give me my farm , I PROMISE I will do something good with it . This was our deal , and I have kept it to the best of my ability . Today my farm runs as a refuge and retraining center . We do equine retreats to help people reconnect to nature and spend a great deal of time imparting the importance of communication and relationship with the animals we use as our sporting partners and workmates . I am happy with our deal , but this year I fully intend to take out all the stops and step it up . I have big dreams that have come true … and I am just realizing it ! Like many young horse - crazy girls , i wanted a horse my entire life . I 'm certain that I was emitted from the womb wanting a life with horses . They are in my blood . I was even born in September 1966 which is the year of the fire horse . I made the same wish every on birthday cake until i was 20 . I would pray that when I woke up the morning of my birthday somehow miraculously there would be a perfect pony standing under the maple tree at our house in Dorval . I would hop on his perfect horse and go visit all of my friends . This recurrent day - dream was the subject of my fantasies every year from the first memories I recall . one year I remember getting my helmet and boots . It was about as close as I could get to a horse in Dorval . My sympathetic parents sent me to riding camp every year and from when I was 19 and got my first car , those boots stayed parked in my trunk in the hopes that I would randomly meet someone with a horse who would invite me to go ride with them . Funny enough , that actually happened , and when I was 21 I sold everything and bought Harmony , my first horse . I was as inexperienced a horse person as anyone could be . I had a basic knowledge of riding and care from the affluent camps I had been fortunate enough attend , but the best knowledge I got was from an old polish Calvary captain who really won my heart one night when he caught me sneaking a cigarette at 12 years old out behind his barn . In a thick Polish accent he reprimanded me , told me to put out my cigarette and meet him henceforth in his study . This was terrifying . My father had sent me to the Captain Wiazowski riding school , and I felt like I had entered purgatory . His rules were strict , his demands vocal and I was in a teenage time of turmoil where I just wanted to be left alone to melt into the wallpaper . The Captain would have none of it and I soon found myself standing in his office stoic and quiet in front of his dark wood enormous work desk , my head bent and staring at his big bronze polish horse statues and shelves and shelves of books . A green and brass lamp on the desk was all the light we had . It was eerie and terrifying . Surely he was going to tell me he was sending me home , for the rule I had broken was all but cardinal . Instead he told me to sit down and have a cigarette . At first I thought he was joking , and so I just stood silently waiting for his next words of admonishment . Instead he repeated to me loudly as though I may be a little deaf , " Rake the ring every night ? We never do the ring every night ! " I complained as if there should be some rule of fairness applied to the levity of the punishment . But he knew exactly what he was doing . The Captain had commanded large mounted Calvary troops in Poland and held back the Nazi 's when they came across to Poland on their tanks he faced them on his horse . When Poland fell he travelled with his horses and men on boats and across the sea to go and fight them in France . The had won 3 medals of honour and valour from three different countries , and had been teaching children since he landed in Canada in 1954 . This was a rare man I was going to scare or manipulate very easily . From then on , every night , after enduring my duties I would stand uncomfortably while the Captain would wait for me to go into his office . The first night was horrible . I lit my cigarette and had no clue what to talk about to this old crotchety man ; the silence was truly deafening . Then he started to ask me questions . The smoking issue was never again discussed . So began a dialogue with someone in a way I had never experienced before . he asked me questions , and seemed truly interested in what I had to say about things . he believed that children had a take on how the world was doing , and he would value what i said . It evolved in a way that i became curious and started asking him questions too . The Captain changed also in my perception from " crotchety old man " to trusted teacher . My riding changed then too . I trusted him implicitly even when he would tell me to do something on my horse which I felt completely incapable of doing ; if he believed I could , then I just would . Learning to follow in this way made a tremendous contribution to the way teach riding . My father always said " you have to learn to follow before you can lead " . I won the entire horse show that year . I always thought that Anne was a much better rider than I was . She had flair and seemed unafraid and daring in ways I could never imagine . But ultimately I won because of my joy in the moment of riding . I don 't remember the class , but I do remember how my horse felt , his gliding trot along the long side of the arena . It was the first time I had really relaxed and let my horse move forward with no inhibition . It was a glorious feeling . Posted in Uncategorized LIFE GOALS or what ? January 2 , 2012January 2 , 2012 Honest - To - God Jo2 Comments Setting goals is an important human task . I heard somewhere that only 3 % of North American 's polled have set goals . I don 't believe there is any coincidence between the percentage of people who hold most of the worlds wealth and this statistic . During the New year season making " resolutions " is a popular concept . New Years is viewed as a time of restarting , a jumping off place . You can choose to loose weight , quit smoking , drop your current relationship , move to a new city , change jobs or decide to take that long awaited art course . A New Year 's resolution always has in mind some form of self improvement , but most of the time we are trying to improve upon some aspect of ourselves which is only a symptom of a larger issue . The word " resolution " sound harsh and determined . And unless we know why we are making the change or why we underwent the damaging behaviour that leads to the need for change in the first polace , the change will only be temporary . You can resolve to quit smoking , go to the gym , loose 20 p0unds and spend more time with your kids , but until an action is taken , it 's just another reason for you to feel guilty about not doing the things you should be doing to take care of yourself . Until you understand why you have self defeating behaviours , trying to change them all you want wil only create more disappointment and guilt . I have never made a life goal list , but I am going to start one here online . I hope others join me . I don 't believe a business can be successful without a set of long and short term goals . It is certain that any life can benefit from setting and focusing on positive forward moving goals . Goals are best if they have a focused effect that brings somethign good not only to your life , but to other lives as well . For example , one of my goals is to train horses in Costa Rica . This benefits me by expanding my knowledge and gives me work to do that I love as well as providing a more humane taining method to a place that only knows very harsh methodology in horse training . This is one of my BIG goals . I have smaller goals too , like rearranging my bedroom closet because it is a ridiculous mess . Posted in AWAKENING , LIFE , SOUL SEARCHING , SPIRITUALITY , Uncategorized 2012 Year of POSITIVE FORWARD MOVING CREATIVE DECISION MAKING ! January 2 , 2012January 2 , 2012 Honest - To - God JoLeave a comment 2012 unlike any other year in my history , feels very important . I feel an urgency to " get grateful " . This is a sticking point for me and for many people . We are told to " love the life you have " , " grow where you are planted " . Finding the things in your life to be grateful for is paramount to any positive change in your life ; so you can grow the things that work for you and shrink the things that don 't . If there are two topics in spiritual study that had me stumped they were gratitude and forgiveness . These are daunting because they are not within my control . I cannot " will " forgiveness ; I can only become willing tp forgive . The actual " feelign " of forgiveness comes from an action which comes from willingness . The willingess has an effect on the energy of the universe ; once real willingness to forgive someone is achieved then you will find that situations and circumstances cross your path that enable you to take an action on the willingess . Both forgiveness and gratitude come from the Divine and they are quite interrelated . Forgiveness comes when you accept a person or situation for exactly as it is in both it 's history and current circumstance . Forgiveness comes from acceptance and acceptance comes from recognizing what you have in your life that makes your life valuable and good for you . The first step to this recognition it taking the time to look around your life and express gratitude in a conscious manner . On New Year 's Eve I received ( by coincidence ? ) a gratitude journal from my neighbor . A very kind and timely gift . I have an intention to become more consciously grateful , and the universe sends me a confirmation that I am on the right track . It even sends me materials to help me along the way . So , this year my blog is going to be dedicated to positivity and gratitude . You may want to kick me by Easter , but everything seems to be pushing me in this direction so I 'll just try and be aware and follow . It was quite a trip for me to come to this conclusion . A few weeks before Christmas though I recall writing in my journal and everything I said was both negative and whiny . I 'd feel guilty about not writing for a few days , then I would write all this unhappy whining blah and I only felt worse . Ironically , I believed that if I " got it out on paper " I wouldn 't become so depressed by " keeping things in " . The thing is though that I wasn 't actually using what I was writing to come to any " positive forward creative " conclusion . I was just whining and giving my unhappy thoughts and perceptions physical form and substance . Suddenly it dawned on me that if I was going to whine , then I could at least take the time to consider that my whining was a reflection of some aspect of my life falling below my level of expectation . I had to become aware of what those expectations were and most importantly try not to judge myself to death ! This year my 15 year old daughter asked for a particularly expensive gift for Christmas , to which my ex - husband and I agreed but said we would wait until after Christmas when electronics went on sale and we could get it for her less expensively . She agreed with great bravado before Christmas , but when everyone was receiving three or four smaller but well appreciated gifts , she was feeling the sting of not feeling included in the joy of the exchange . Maybe that was a better gift to her than receiving a computer on Christmas day . She also had to delay gratification , which I really felt she did well with . But on the actual day she did nothing to hide her misery , and for once I did nothing to make her . I heard my mother who would have told me to suck it up because I had made a choice , and I became a tremendous faker . But this made no sense ; it would be the wrong thing to expect from her . It makes no sense to ask to a child to pretend to be happy when they clearly aren 't . Then I realized I try to not ask my children to be what they are not , why can 't I give myself the same courtesy ? The process to get to where I realized that Truth and gratitude are the keys to everything I have ever wanted for myself consciously or unconsciously felt like a little bit of an emotional roller coaster . On New Year 's Eve day ( is there such a thing ) I awoke completely excited and jubilant . After a few days of post Christmas exhaustion I was suddenly ready to have a party where I would be able to spend time with all of these awesome people I hadn 't seen in so long in a situation where I was not performing . Although we did play a little music that night , I was careful to stay out of the " limelight " and just watch . It was really amazing . The day unraveled with certain clarity . I was actually able to decide where I was going to park at Costco ( on New Year 's Eve Day … truly a miracle ! ) , deciding that in even small ways I should begin to want more for my life . I should stop accepting less than perfect because then I spend all my time complaining that my life isn 't what I want , and yet it 's me that made it this way . Kind of ridiculous . One of my New Year 's goals was to have more FUN and to stop being so serious about everything all the time . The importance of being lighter and less condemned by the more difficult aspects that each person experiences in some way is really important . It 's not that you 'll be happy when you have more money , better wife , nicer kids , better friends , more free time , a vacation , loose 50 pounds - it 's that those things will naturally happen when you start makign decisions like a happy person . Happy is not a destination , and if we took a moment to see that in our lives we ahve every tool available to keep moving forward . Happy is not your goal ; that 's a pretty low bar by which to measure your life . This would indicate that you are only doing and seeking for yourself , and you won 't receive full satisfaction from this . Honest is probably a loftier goal for most of us than happy : 1 - Physical Body goals - look at yourself physically . Everyone complains at this one , and no , I don 't want you to stand naked in front of a mirror and declare that you love yourself ten times . Lying doesn 't help anything . But , I will tell you to get over what it is you criticize at first thought . What did you think of right away ? " I 'm so fat " ? My boobs are too small ? My butts too big ? " I hate my hair " . These are automatic thoughts . You are judging yourself based on an image you have created in your head . I guarantee you that the image you have created in your head has nothing to do with reality . You create your " self image " mostly based on what people have told you about yourself or how you compare yourself to others . The first things you criticized are automatic thoughts . They are not " your " thoughts , they are thoughts that you have become accustomed to . Get aware of them to get away form them . Just let them be ; knowing that something is there is often enough for it to change into something else more positive and productive . When you shine the light of truth on something , when you understand it just as it is without your own judgments and interpretations then you make it both useful and forwardly productive in a creative manner . Understand that no one can do this for you . No one can tell you are pretty enough times for you to change a belief that you have that says you are not pretty . NO one can change your mind but you . You are on your own here , in one way because you do not have nor do you need the cooperation of your fellow humans to do this important work . You find the truth using your history , your past . This is where your past becomes useful , like a treasure funding tool . Use your past to understand how you reflect your physical image back to yourself . Don 't berate yourself for making physical image important . After all , it is how we present ourselves to the world and to our lives in regards to 5 out of 6 senses . Our first impressions of a person can often govern how a relationship will unfold . Similarly , our impressions of ourselves will govern the decisions we make on our own behalf . " It is what it is " is a mantra I find useful and I use it often . The past can 't be changed . Your choice sin the past can 't be changed . It is what it is . People can 't be changed . They are who they are . Not judging yourself is very hard ! No one has a secret formula as to how you should approach viewing your past , but " it is what it is " can be really helpful . I 'm sure there are many very smart psychologists with opinions on how to approach your past , but in my view , things happen when they should , and when it is time for you to understand something , you will . Don 't stress . Just be aware of how you present yourself to the world . Your physical self and your environment really do reflect how you feel about yourself and what you believe . To try and understand how you function internally sometimes it is a good idea to start from the outside in . Find 5 things about your body that you like or appreciate . Do your legs work ? Your eyes ? Can you clap your hands ? Can you hear music ? Make a list of those positive things and let yourself know why it is you appreciate them . How do they help you function in your life ? How does what you do benefit someone else ? Now flip the page and make a list of the 5 aspects of your physical self that you would rather be different . How do those thigns take away from your ability to live a happy and purposeful lives . What do you do to make up for them ? How important is each one of those perceived defects in your life ? How have you adapted to any physical limitations you may have ? Nothing is ever going to be exactly the way you think it should be because the reasons why you think you want what you want are false . Everything will fall short of your expectations of them until you can accept them for exactly who and what they are which seems impossible until you realize that your expectations usually come from other people . Other people 's expectations also came from other people , and all of those people created their expectations according to their very unique individual life experiences . This means that what they believe about the world to be true can only BE true because of what they believe . You create the world around you according to what you believe . What you believe is what you think and what you think is what you believe . You are constantly doing things to reinforce that which you believe to the world round you . You create a world of believers around you , because what you believe to be true is the parameters by which you will make your choices and decisions in life . How did you choose your husband or wife ? Your friends ? What is it about your friends that you feel reflects who you are ? How about your job … did you choose it or did it choose you ? There are a million questions you can ask yourself to allow yourself to find out the truth about what it is you believe . Sometimes investigating these ideas is difficult . It will force you into a position of having to let go of the expectations of perfection you have for the teachers in your life . Some of your teachers will be harsh and some gentle . But make no mistake about it , every person with whom you have interacted and who has created any emotion in you and you in them are a relationship . Some relationships are intense and memorable and pervasive . Others are quick and light and easy . Some feel good and some feel bad , but each relationship and the type of relationships we choose in our lives really tells us a great deal about the choices we are making and the direction we are heading . My desire to be more aware of my relationships has caused an extreme shift in both the way I perceive my family and the way they perceive me . What is important and unimportant to me has become starkly real , and valuable . I find that the more I get of this feeling of innate security , the more I want of it which makes me continue to want to do the work of truth - seeking . So I use each interaction to try and figure out more about what I am supposed to do . Life is like a great mystery novel . I don 't think Truth is a place you " get to " , or if it 's even like the " who dunnit " in the last chapter . It is not a destination nor is it a goal . However , making goals within the context of finding Truth is a very good idea .
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Unfortunately , I haven 't been feeling very well this weekend . And since I 'll be away next weekend , there won 't be a post next Friday either . Ah well - - no one much is reading anyway so far , so I don 't have to feel too bad . To whoever does stop by : see you in a couple weeks . You know , I think I 'm going to give up on making jokes , because no one ever seems to like them . Or get them . Colin , Mom , Hannah , Dani , Izzy , Teddy , Dad . . . no one . Not that any of them really care about anything I do , at all . I 'm hurting again , can you tell ? I 'm in pain , once more . Not that there isn 't always a little hurt in the corner of my soul . I want to scream . I wish no one was home , so I could . I think I 'm going to cry , and I have no idea why I should feel like doing that . I can 't help it . I 've been so stressed lately , and now it 's all coming back to me again . D ' you know , the nights before my math exam , almost a week ago , I was wigging so bad that I was actually afraid of the dark ? Can you imagine ? Me , who 's loved the dark for years , reverting back to my feelings about it as a small child . I was so messed up , because I was so freaked I would fail . I feel sick , like I 'm going to throw up , but I never do , when I feel like this . I want to just curl up and sob . Find a safe place to hide in , where someone who will be able to love , really love me , who I could love , can find me . A place where only people like that could find me , where I could cry out the pain and the hurt , and they would actually comfort , and care . Then , when my last drop of pain had fallen from my eyes , I would go off with them , to a place where we could all be together , and be happy . I 'm lonely again - - no , make that still - - too . I want to tell Izzy off so bad . I can 't express how much he annoys me , when I see him , now . He really gets on my nerves badly . If he dares to tell me that " he 'll call me " one more time , I will so tell him off . I 'll be such a bitch to him . He can 't bullshit me , and expect me to take it , to believe it , still , can he ? He thinks I 'm an idiot , as far as I can tell . Yay , another person to treat me like I 'm stupid . He 's a hypocrite , too , calling so many people immature . Ooh , and he 's not ? God , what a little bastard . I hardly want to be friends with him , anymore . Most of my friends suck . Wow . Life 's just grand . I really need to cry . I 'll be baPosted by The fear of the dark thing is no exaggeration . I felt things like that pretty often , in my darker moments . I 'm pretty sure there are entries further on that I recorded in the midst of , or immediately after , some of my really fucked up times , when I was at the limit of what I could take emotionally . They 're still some of the scariest moments I 've ever experienced . Being frightened of how horrible you 're feeling , how much you hate yourself , and yet completely unable to turn those feelings off . . . it 's a bad place to be . And there I go wishing for a family of friends again . A group of people who I could really feel like I fit with , a place where I felt like I belonged . I never have found that again , since my junior high friends . Sometimes I wonder if it 's something that no one much feels after they 've grown up . And sometimes I 'm pretty damn sure that it 's unusual for me to not fit in anywhere - - that most people have somewhere they feel like they fit in . Anyone out there have any feelings about that ? I always wish I could ask other people - - do you feel a sense of belonging anywhere ? And if not , is that something you long for too ? A few more of my script writing / show - or - comic creating rules : 15 ) I will develop my characters immensely . I will not go from point A back to point A , Trek - like , for every episode or arc . 16 ) I will do spin - offs , most likely - - if it seems to make sense . If I do , there will be cameos and crossovers . 17 ) I will do series which have nothing to do with one another . Why not go with more than one good , totally seperate , ideas at once ? Or , one after another ? 18 ) I will feel for and with my characters . I won 't be insane about it , but I won 't be stone , if I hurt one . I will feel their pain . More later ! Jya , Nikki - chan ! - Vale Now that exams are over , I 'm going to do something that I 'd wanted to do , but couldn 't , a few days ago . I 'm going to make some lists ! Not boring lists , though , don 't worry - - cool ones ! ^_^ First : Subjects I Will Never Take Again : 1 . Physics ! ! ! ( ugh ) * grins * 2 . Math , after next year ! 3 . Chemistry4 . French , also after next yearSee , I plan on saying " byebye , sciences , hellooo , arts ! " when I go into undergrad . Before I do the next one - - well , actually , I 'll incorporate this into the next one ! It 's nameless : 1 ) I will never not let myself be happy . Hannah does that . She won 't let herself be happy . I don 't know if it 's on purpose , but it 's going to fuck her over tons of times , in her life . Hannah acts so proud of being down on the world , but it 's so not good for you in the long run . I 'm so totally glad I 'm an optimist ! It 's like she won 't let herself feel happiness , or have fun . She says she didn 't have fun with me , today - - I figure , that 's her problem . It 's sad , but only she can fix this for herself , by letting herself have fun . 2 ) I will try to understand , but never assume that I do , unless I have been through the same thing . 3 ) I will subtly tell Izzy off , the next time he tries to bullshit me . If he says we 're his " real , true friends " , I 'll laugh , and mock - jokingly say " yeah , right . You 've got a wacky sense of humour , hon . " Or something like that . Tell him that if we were his " true friends " , he wouldn 't constantly ditch us . If he says " I 'll call you " , I 'll give him a slightly bitter smile and say " No . You won 't . " There are others for this list - - many , and I 'll continue to add to it as I live , and grow , and change . Oh , and one more : 4 ) If I ever get what I consider to be a real opportunity , I will go up to my Enigma Boy , and find out his name , and his age . I 'll be scared shitless , but I 'll ask him myself ! I 've been looking for him everywhere , but I have yet to see him again . Any further sightings will surely be recorded , with subsequent drooling ! Now , another good one which I will add to as I go on in life : Things I Will Do When I Have MPosted by List 1 : Math was never my strongest subject . Physics , which I took in grade 11 , was the bane of my existence . Chemistry I could more or less wrap my head around at the high school level . ( More advanced , not necessarily , but I did fine in my grade 11 class . ) But physics and my brain just never clicked . I passed , but barely , and I had to work my ass off to manage it . As for list 2 : 1 ) I haven 't quite managed this one . Getting in my own way less is something I 'm actually trying to work on right now . And as usual , I was wrong about Hannah , who seems better than me at letting herself be happy these days . I 'm glad for her , and I 'd like to make myself more like that . I can kind of remember the conversation I 'd had with her that day , where we 'd been out doing something , and she said to me at the end that she mostly didn 't feel like she was enjoying her life , and didn 't feel like she 'd had fun that day . In retrospect , she was clearly trying to tell me that she was feeling depressed , but unfortunately I was too self - involved to see that at the time . 2 ) This directly contradicts all the assumptions I was making about Hannah in number 1 . Nonetheless , I do think this is a good idea , and it is something I still try to live by . 3 ) I fantasized about telling Izzy off a lot , but I never actually had the opportunity to do it . I 'm still not sure if that 's a good thing or a bad thing - - if it would have been cathartic , or just starting shit I didn 't need to start . 4 ) This never happened . There were at least one or two times that might have been , for someone else , " real opportunities , " but I never had the balls to try to strike up a conversation with Enigma Boy , whoever he was . For list 3 , while I still want ( and an trying ) to be a writer , I 've moved away from the idea of writing for TV or having a comic book series of my own , for various reasons . A lot of these could apply to a novel series or whatever too , though , so I don 't write them off . ( Except the directly TV - related ones , and , for legal reasons , reading fanfic for an ongoing series inPosted by Y ' know , it 's already the first set of exams - - the first term . I 'm about seven - and - a - half months away from becoming a senior . Wow . I 've been thinking a lot about future , the future , and the flow of time in general , lately . Well , I guess that I always have spent more time than most people considering them , ever since I was old enough to try to comprehend , but , I 've been doing it even more than usual , for the past few months . I 'm growing up . Faster than I ever imagined I would . It 's wonderful , but more than a little scary . More than a lot scary , sometimes . The whole exams thing , for some reason , seems very surreal , when I stop and think about it . I mean , my chemistry exam as not - exam - like while I was writing it ! How 's that for weird ? * grins * You know , in a few years - - five , ten - - I may not remember much about my current life . If I set aside this diary for a few years , once I was done with it , I could easily forget that a lot of this ever happened . And , when I did read the old entries again , I could either have it all come back to me , in a rush , or it could be like those fanfics I 've started , where I can remember a little about it all ( the story , I mean ) , when I read it , but , otherwise , I don 't recall much plot , premise , nor what it was actually about . In all honesty , I would like to forget a lot of this . I would have no problems forgetting that a lot of the things I 've written about ever happened . Jya - ne , Nikki - chan . Wish me luck with it all . - Vale So , ten years down the road - - how much do I actually remember ? More than I thought I would . More than I hoped I would at the time , though I don 't really wish I could forget anymore . All the shit I went through - - the good , the bad , all of it - - makes me who I am . And while I 'm still very much a work in progress , I feel like where I am now is an okay starting point for where I 'm trying to go . If I forgot the bad stuff . . . I think I 'd lose a lot of the strength I 've built up over the years . That would in no way be a good thing . Reading these entries does sometimes trigger a memory I 'd more or less forgotten about , and there are some things that are complete mysteries to me now - - the odd name I can 't associate any face or personality with anymore , some situation I referred to very obliquely that I can 't fill in the blanks about . But for the most part , I remember it all pretty well . I can still remember what it was like to feel the things I felt back then . And yes , most of those feelings are only pale revenants of the real thing - - but they are still there , locked away in my head . It 's not like the half - written fanfics I mentioned , where I 'd go back and read the two or three paragraphs I 'd written , and not be able to remember where on earth I was planning to go with them . My past is still surprisingly vivid . Wonder if it 'll still be so clear in another ten years ? I no longer consider it unfair that Yvonne & Co . accept Hannah , bitch that she is , more than me , who 's a nice person . I am not any longer bothered by their being more friendly with her than with me . Not even by their hardly being civil to me . I don 't want to be friends with them . I don 't envy them their friendships at all . They 're superficial , fake , unkind , and , worst of all , they 're totally conforming . Do I want to be a part of that ? No . I want people to accept & care about me for me , not who I pretend to be , or who they think I am . Yvonne and James are not terribly unkind to me , but obviously they find my presence distasteful . I 'm not like them . I can hear it in their voices that they wish I 'd shove off , and leave them be . Whatever . They don 't know me . Why should I care if they dislike whatever the hell they think I am ? And , when Yvonne started getting annoyed while I was messing with my bag , and thanking that girl : can we say bitch ? God , she , Hannah , James - - they deserve each other . I don 't really like any of them . Therefore , I don 't give a flying fuck what they think of me ! They don 't count for anything . Not a smidge . They may as well be non people , for all their opinions matter to me , now ! Can you tell that I 'm pleased with myself , and totally revelling in my newfound I - don 't - give - a - shit - what - the - fuck - you - thinkness ? * grins * I am sooo proud that I 've gotten over that silly " why don 't they like me ? ? " stage ! They count for naught ! Silly people , not worth any attention ! Alyssa - - now that 's a person who 's still nice . She treats me like a peer - - like a person , not a student / punching bag , nor an idiot who knows shit . She obviously doesn 't think I 'm stupid , and I know that she 's not . I 've hung out with her a couple times , in the last week , or so - - it 's cool . I 'd like to keep doing it , but I 'm not getting my hopes up . I know better than that . I 'm cautious , and a tiny bit hopeful , but that 's it . God , Hannah is so becoming less and less tolerable . She sticks her hand out in front of my face , as I 'm walking through the halls . Can Posted by Yvonne was someone Hannah and I had been fairly good friends with in late elementary school and junior high . She 'd found , frankly , cooler friends than us by the end of junior high - - for good reason , since nerdy was never really her bag - - but by grade eleven her friends and my and Hannah 's group would sometimes hang out together during lunch and free periods , since we all had some friends in common . My jealousy of Hannah 's easy ability to fit in with Yvonne 's friends really shines through here , in all its ugly light . Sadly , I didn 't recognize it as that at the time . Though even if I had , I don 't know if I 'd have had the inner strength to curb it . Hannah could be a little immature , but I don 't feel like she was ever abusive , to any degree . She was just struggling to grow up , just like I was , and clinging to physical jokes that we used to pull on each other longer than I was comfortable with . If anything , I 'm pretty sure I was heinously passive - aggressive with her . I 'm just thankful that I never did try to cut her out of my life , since I can 't imagine not having her as a friend now . From my current , more objective standpoint , I don 't think Yvonne and her friends were especially uncivil to me . As I remember it now , they reacted like a lot of people do when faced with someone painfully shy : tried to draw me out , found it really difficult , and gave up pretty quickly . It sucks for the incredibly shy person , but from the other person 's perspective , it 's a completely understandable reaction . It can take a lot of work to bring a shy person out of their shell , and if they 're not your friend and not someone you 're interested in becoming friends with . . . why would you bother ? But I was so , so sensitive about being ignored like that - - also for very good reason , since I 'd been criticized for being shy for as long as I could remember . ( Sometimes I still am , though I can usually laugh it off now . ) So in just about any social situation , I was working my ass off to be the outgoing , easy - to - be - with person I thought I was supposed to be . ItPosted by " Maybe I can find a place I can call my homeMaybe I can find a home I can call my own . " - Loreena McKennittIsn 't that what we all want ? What we all wish for ? A place to be home ; a place to be yours . It 's what I want . A place , a home , a life all my own . I 'm constantly thinking of past , present , and future . I 'm a wonderfully contemplative person . No wonder I can write so very well . I will , some day , find friends , and people to love me , who I can do the same for , in return . I hope that I will , someday , even find a boyfriend , or a girlfriend , to love with all my heart . It seems unlikely , just at this particular time in my life , but , as I said yesterday - - a girl can dream , can 't she ? I know that there 's inherent trust , there - - I am a dreamer . I am an idealist , and an optimist , and , in the long run , I know that I will be happier , and better off than most , for it . Know what ? I am . And I will be . And I will do and be my best . And , I will succeed . Not to show anyone up , not to prove myself to any but my own self . No , I will succeed only because it 's what I want to do ; what I want to happen . What I want to be . After all , I 'll only live this life once . Why not make the best of it ? I 'll make it wonderful , because I want and need it to be . No bad ifs , ands , or buts about it . Only the good ones . I will make it be so . And , so , it will be done . So Mote It Be . Blessed be , Nikki - chan . - Vale The lyrics are from " Dickens ' Dublin " by Loreena McKennitt . It 's a beautiful song . I still love it , for pretty much the same reasons I did back then . I 'm still trying to find a place that really feels like home , and people I have that close connection with . I still hope that I might . I 'm still fundamentally a dreamer and an idealist - - though I 'm not so sure about the optimist part . I 'm surprisingly positive about myself in this entry . It 's nice to see . You can also see my ambitious streak coming through here . I 'm still hell - bent today on making something of myself in some way that feels meaningful , and I still have hope I might achieve that . It 's always been about proving myself to myself . It still is . I 've always wanted to do something that mattered in the world , and I 'm still reaching for that goal with everything I do . I guess that 's a big part of why I 'm here tonight , updating this blog . And if I try really , really hard , I just might be able to find a way to use " still " one more time in this commentary before I 'm done with it . Hey , there we go ! Mission accomplished . Nihao , Nikki - chan . I should be studying , so this 'll probably be short . I 've got nothing in particular to say - - just needed to write . I just finished Lord of the Vampires . * * Incredible * * book ! That series is my favourite that I 've ever read . It 's wonderful ! ! ! I 'm glad beyond words that it wasn 't just a sad ending for everyone . I 'm glad ( more than glad , ecstatic ) for them all who lived happily ever after , in the end . I will miss them , but I will read the books over , and over , and over , so we will not be parted for long . Why does it frighten me , to think about the guy I was telling you about yesterday ? It half terrifies me to contemplate him , now . Is it because I 'm afraid of making a fool of myself , or rejection ? Or is it because I 'm afraid of actually someday loving someone intensely ? Or is it something about him himself , which causes fear to come into my heart , when I think about him ? Is my fear tangible , or is it irrational ? Could it be because he may be so much older than I ? Or , could it be something else ? Ahh , this is the sort of magickal , wondrous night when I wish I was out driving . Driving nowhere in particular , or on my trip cross - continent . Or , perhaps , living on my own , and singing , and dancing around alone in my apartment . Something pulls me , calls to me , on nights such as this one . I can 't explain it , but it 's always there . On nights like this , it 's so much stronger than on other ones . I love it , this pull on me , and I only wish that I could follow where it leads me , but , as yet , I cannot . Someday , I will find out . Someday , I swear it . Someday . I want to get into a car , and drive , just drive , where the wind bids me go . It 's Somewhere far from here , but I know nothing more than that . It may not even be anywhere I can get to just by car . I don 't know . I best go study my chemistry , now , Nikki - chan . I 'll probably write another entry in you later tonight . Love eternal , - Vale The book series I reference at the beginning of this entry is the Covenant With the Vampire series by Jeanne Kalogridis , a trilogy that serves as backstory to Dracula . I 'm not the superfan I was back then , but I 'd still recommend her books to anyone who likes the original Dracula . I should probably be mortified to admit this , but I can still get that fannishly excited about a story I 'm really , really into - - be it a book , TV show , movie , manga or comic series , whatever . And relatable characters have always been the most important factor for me in whether I connect with a story . Back then there was the extra layer of helping to alleviate some of my loneliness : I barely had any real friends , but feeling emotionally connected with characters in books helped me feel less completely alone in the world . On the other hand , knowing that imaginary characters were the closest thing I had to friends could also make me feel that much more lonely and depressed when I was in a self - hating mood . But losing myself in stories I loved was one of the healthier coping mechanisms I had , and one of the ones I 'm glad I 've held onto . When I need it , it still works for me . " Enigma Boy " comes up again in this entry , much to my current - day chagrin . I 'm pretty sure the fear was plain old fear of rejection and making a fool of myself , though I guess I can 't say with absolute certainty that it wasn 't more than that . Full disclosure : I 've done a 180 with the whole " hopeless romantic " thing in the last 10 years , in that I would have called myself one when I was in high school , and barely consider myself at all romantic ( at least in the love sense ) today . I find it hard not to write off high - school - Vale 's feelings in crush entries , because I just so don 't think that way anymore . So if my commentary on that stuff seems a bit cynical , that 's why . I 'll try to keep the snarkier cynicism at bay as much as I can . I don 't want to alienate anyone - - but I do reserve the right to make fun of myself at least some of the time . I mean , ten years from now I 'll proPosted by I 'm confused . I 've been asking myself , lately , if you can have a crush on someone you 've never actually met . Each time , I tell myself no . I still keep asking . I 've passed by him twice on the street . Long , black leather duster - ish coat . Black jeans . Maybe a red shirt , the first time I saw him - - I can 't remember ( how can I not remember ? ) . Bleach blonde hair with brown roots . Longish hair - - about the perfect length . Not the most beautiful face in the world - - but , oh God , his smile , and the wonderful , enigmatic , almost dangerous look in his eyes . . . He 's amazing . If his personality is half as incredible as his smile , I would give so much to get to know him . I know that I know nothing about him , and that the only reason why I could really have a crush on him is because I 've made things up about him in my head . What I 'd like is to get to know him , so that I can crush on him , or not , for real . Others pale against him , right now . Except for Skylark , of course - - I think I 'd still prefere her to him , because I like her for what I know she is . But , other than her . . . that cute guy , Adam , in my English class ? Nothing . The cutie from the lunch room ? Not a chance . That guy , Ethan , from last year 's art class wouldn 't even stand a chance now . Y ' see , my bleach blond boy is a bit of an enigma - - his smile , the look in his eyes , how I don 't even know his name . I 'm good at guessing approximate ages , but I can 't tell if he 's 18 or 28 ! He 's so cool looking . He dresses so vampire - - so Spike , to be exact ! The long , leather or faux leather coat , the jeans , the hair . . . if it was intentional , well , even better ! Hmm . . Enigma Boy . I like it . He seemed to smile right at me when I passed him , and when I was across the street from him , and kept glancing . He did the same , I think , when I saw him the first time , too . I wouldn 't give up anything that would affect / effect me majorly in the future to get to know him , but less than that , I would . I would love to at least learn his name , and his age . And if he is really into vamps , or if he just dresses like that for the hPosted by My modern day answer to the question I pose in the first lines of this entry ? Pfft , no . Don 't be naïve . The guy I talk about in this entry ( and who will , sadly , continue to be mentioned in other entries for a while ) was some dude who looked vaguely like Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer . That was the entire basis for the " crush " : since I didn 't know anything about the guy except what he looked like , I could pretend to myself that he was actually somewhat like Spike . ( Spike and Faith were my big character crushes on Buffy . Yes , I 've always liked the badasses . Still do . ) I never knew his name , never spoke to him , never had any actual contact with him . It wasn 't even really worthy of being called a crush , but I was lonely and painfully shy enough that it passed for that at the time . Hey , at least I was mostly honest with myself about there being no real basis for my feelings . I 've always been pretty self - aware about shit like that . Once again , I talk about the idea of giving something ( but not too much ) up for the opportunity to get to know him . I was all about bargaining with my Gods in those days . I still think that way sometimes , those less often now . Just a quick note , Nikki - chan . To quote from Go Ask Alice : " I 'm going to start a diet this very day . . . Not one more bite of chocolate or nary a french fried potato will pass my lips till I 've lost ( my number inserted ) 20 globby pounds of lumpy lard . " I gained back two or three pounds , so I 'm going to not eat a single snack until I 've at least gone back to 154 , or so ! How could I possible have gained so much weight ? ! I haven 't been exercising less ( I 'm going to start doing that every day as soon as exams end ) , nor eating more , except for a little lapse today . How can I be getting fat again ? ! I 'll lose at least 18 pounds , though , and get down to my ideal weight of 140 pounds ! That would be wonderful ! And , I 'll stick to my " one sweet thing per day " rule religiously from now on ! Once I allow myself to snack again , that is - - none at all , until I 'm back to what I should be for now : 154 ! ! I don 't like how I look , now - - I can see the excess fat on my body . I know that I still weigh less than I did before the 20 - whateverth of December , but that 's so not the point ! Just being less than 160 isn 't good enough . I need to be thin ! ! ! Or muscular - - both , preferably ! Gym membership , here I come ! Now , though , I have to get back to studying for exams . Wish me luck , Nikki - chan ! - Vale I mention Go Ask Alice again in this entry . Despite being a complete teetotaler ( lame as hell word for it , but I 've never felt like it would be quite truthful to call myself straight edge , so there it is ) , I identified deeply with some of the shit Alice goes through as an addict : how lost she is for most of the book , and how her diary is sometimes her only friend and all that keeps her sane . I know now that the book has been heavily edited and fictionalized to drive home the " drugs are evil & wrong " message , but despite having to take it all with a grain of salt , it 's still a book that means a lot to me because it was so close to my heart back then . I still have a copy of it around somewhere , and it 'll probably always have a home on my bookshelf . ED trigger alert : The dieting stuff . I 've had body image issues pretty much since puberty , and I definitely ate to comfort myself as a teenager , though I didn 't think of it that way at the time . I always felt fat and unattractive , and had no confidence whatsoever in my looks . I was constantly making resolutions to diet and exercise more , following them for a short time , then giving up . I did tend to lose weight during musical , since rehearsals kept me busy and I probably didn 't have as much time to sit around and eat , but I gained it all back as soon as the musical ended . I was also a late bloomer with fashion and makeup , so I was just starting to get into that in tenth and eleventh grades . Sadly , my body image bullshit hasn 't changed significantly in the past decade , and has been compounded by an ED - NOS ( Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified - - i . e . doesn 't quite fit into any of the official eating disorder categories - - for those of you lucky enough not to know the lingo ) that I 'm somewhat recovered from . Logically , I 'm aware that I 'm in much better shape now than I was as a teenager . But I still feel fat and ugly most of the time . Just in case I don 't get to say it later , Happy North American New Year , Nikki - chan ! ! ! * laughs * Wow - - it 's almost the turn of the century . And , also almost the end of the millennium . . . A weird thought , isn 't it ? I think so . I 've been sort of depressed , lately . I really need to find new friends . I don 't want to ditch Dani , or even Hannah , or Izzy , but I need friends who actually live around here ( Dani 's out ) , and who I can stand ( Hannah 's out ) , and who give a shit about me ( Izzy 's out ) . I really have to try to find people , but I probably won 't until I leave . I was thinking , about an hour ago , how long it is , still , until I graduate from grade 12 . I figured out that it 's not so long as it seems to be . See , in a couple days , it 'll be January . February is already half - way through the school year . And , by April , it 's going to be seeming more and more like spring . It 'll be warmer , sunnier , the snow 'll be melting , everything 'll be blooming , the sky will be that much bluer - - I love spring ! I really do . Summer 's my favourite , then spring , then winter , then fall . It 's really not all that long until spring begins , and then it 's just two and a half short months until summer 's here . It 'll be another boring , sit - around - at - home , friendless summer , but it 'll be summer , and then I 'll be a senior . And , I 'll be applying to collages . I 'll need to take the SATs some time , won 't I ? No matter what , I 'll refuse to tell Hannah what my score is , if I do take them - - especially my math score ! ! ! I doubt that I 'll do too well , and even if I do , I don 't want her to go into competetive mode , and compare her marks with me , trying to justify how I could possibly be better than her at something . * rolls eyes * Such an inferiority complex that girl has . She can be such a bitch ! But , I 'll tell mom that I 'd like to take them , over the summer , so that I can try it again , if I do horribly . I may not even tell Hannah that I 'm taking them at all . Just do it silently , and cheer all by myself about how I do . It 's something I think would be a good idea , though . I may Posted by This is my final entry from 1998 and the first part of eleventh grade . A bit of a pensive entry , but not too down . I talk about being depressed , but there 's a lot of optimism here too , which is nice to see . It becomes obvious in this entry that I 'm not American . Hannah had taken the SATs because she was fairly certain she wanted to go to a US university , and had scored very well . I was considering taking them because I wanted to option of applying to US schools . I didn 't end up taking them at that point ; and if I had , there is no way I would have beaten Hannah 's score - - she is extremely smart and well - rounded . In this case , I did follow up on the idea some years later , scored reasonably well , and got accepted to an American college for a second degree . Despite all my bitching and moaning in this entry , Hannah has been one of the ones to reassure me that just because I didn 't ace the math section of the test doesn 't mean I 'm bad at math , and that I underestimate my non - arts intelligence . As you 'll hear me say over and over : she 's a good friend . I did study film for a while , and decided it wasn 't for me after all . I never did go to school in California , and I have a sneaking suspicion that I would be eaten alive if I tried to find my way into Hollywood . I still fucking love the weather in L . A . , though . There are times when I can 't believe how huge my ego is ! See , today , when I went on one of the chats , Brodie was on , and we were doing the whole joking - flirting thing that a lot of people there do with their friends , and I just started thinking " what if Brodie really does have feelings for me ? " I know , I know , really egotistical ! I can 't believe how swelled my ego must be , to think things like that ! * rolls eyes , grins * So , anyway , I called him the " third big brother I never had " , and hoped that that would make things clear , just in case , although my rational mind knows that it 's totally needless ! He so isn 't crushing on me , or anything so silly as that , and I know it , even if I do worry a little that he might be , ' cause that 'd just be ew ! Let me just give the reasons why this would never work , so that I can deflate my own over - sized ego a bit ! First of all I 'm way too young for him ! He 's 20 or 21 , and I 'm 16 . I won 't go out with anyone over 19 , IRL , although in c - space , my standards would be different . But , that 's just too much of an age difference ! Second , he 's my bud , and I 'm his ! Why would either of us ever want to ruin that ? Sure , I used to have a mini - crush on him , but that was so long ago as to be of no consequence , whatsoever ! Nuh - uh , no way , nope ! Not a chance ! What else . . . well , most importantly , there 's the fact that people , male and female both , don 't think about me like that ! Not as romantic relationship material , I mean . Both IRL , and in c - space , I 'm a just - friends , one - of - the - guys - with - a - twist sort of girl ! Guys ( i . e , . Brodie ) aren 't interested in me , with the single exception of my ex - c - guy , and girls aren 't interested in me , either ( i . e . , Skylark ) . Hopefully , others will begin to show interest , as I get older , or even sooner , although I highly doubt that the latter will happen . I would like to have a boyfriend , eventually ! Or a girlfriend , if I found someone nice - - like Skylark , ne ? I still hold out hope . I may actually outright ask her , once I learn her age , if she 's not many years older than me ! We ' llPosted by Clearly the idea of an older guy I respected possibly having a thing for me seemed all " ooh , exciting ! " at the time . I am absolutely confident that Brodie had no interest in me . I 'm pretty sure he had a serious girlfriend . But it was a minor confidence boost to imagine that someone could maybe find me attractive . As embarrassing as this entry is , at least it 's an up moment mixed in with the down ones . Hence including it ( and others like it ) , despite being tangential to the main theme of this blog . I don 't want this to be all depression , all the time . There were other sides to my life too , and it would feel dishonest to exclude those entries . I want this to be as full a picture as possible of who I was as I can manage , while keeping this anonymous . The " ex - c - guy " I mention was some dude I " cyber dated " for a month or two , primarily because all my friends were into that and I didn 't want to be left out . Not a relationship I put much stock in , even while I was involved in it . Thankfully , I don 't think he particularly did either . It 's raining outside , and it 's loud , and windy , and beautiful . I need to write soon . So that I won 't let my co - author down . I 'll do that soon . I 'll try . I haven 't seen Skylark again , yet . I get a bit restless when I wish that I could see her , and she doesn 't come on . Maybe I should try calling to her , with my mind and heart , as I 've done before . It worked , at least one time that I did it , if not several . What I would give to have her be as attracted to me as I am to her . . . I do more than just lust after her , now . I would give so much to get to know her personally , and more for us to fall in love with each other . . . Though , nothing would I give which would effect my life too far in the future , and nothing I hold truly important . In the cosmic sense , ours would be a passing romance , but I would still give much for it to happen . Skylark , if only you knew how I feel . . . and could find it within yourself to return my feelings with equal strength . . . And , if only our love could grow into something huge , and beautiful , and wonderful . . . I . . . would like to love you , Skylark . If you 'd give me the chance . * sighs , smiles a little * Oyasumi nasai , Skylark - chan . Nikki - chan . Sleep well , both of you . Love eternal - Vale I was attempting to co - author a Sailor Moon fanfic with someone I 'd met online , which is the writing I talk about at the beginning of this entry . Sadly , I procrastinated too much to uphold my half of the story . I also talk a little about magick here - - " call to her with my mind and heart " and all that . Even then , though I thought of myself as a " hopeless romantic " ( which is far from the case these days ) , there was a limit on how much I was willing to consider sacrificing for love . I have usually drawn very strong lines between crush feelings and actual love , and unrequited and romantic love ( though you 'll see them blur in my mind with my crush on Mark in future entries ) , and there have always been things in my life that are more important to me than finding " true love " . The potential for success , for instance . The ability to write . There are things I would never give up for the love of anyone , and that 's always been the case . Some things are just worth more than that . " Oyasumi nasai " means " good night " in Japanese . " - chan " is a Japanese diminutive used for young girls and close female peers . I swear to God , I am trying to lose my crush on Skylark . I really am . I wasn 't so excited as I usually am , last time I saw her on - - last night - - but , when she left , I felt such disappointment . . . I wish that I 'd talked to her more , so she would have stayed . It 's so much easier not to crush on her when she 's not around . . . But , I so love seeing her that it 's worth any pain , ne ? It 's times like this that I wish I was a guy . If I was , I 'd flirt like mad with her . Maybe even end up going out with her . But it 's never to be , so . . . I 'll just have to hope that either she shows interest in me , too , or that I get over it , and move on . I wish I had someone I could talk about this with . But , there 's no one who I trust enough and would feel comfortable sharing my secret with . I 'd talk to Dani , but I would feel way to uncomfortable telling her that my crush is a girl . So , like everything else I feel , I 'll just have to deal with it by myself , ne ? I do it all the time with painful emotions , so this should be an easy thing to contend with , in comparison . Ah , Nikki - chan , would that everyone were as patient and caring as you . Then , this , none of this , would be at all a problem . But , this is one of those " you can 't always get what you want " things that I 'm just coming to accept - - few people are . I tend to be , but people like me are rare , special , and wonderful . At least a few of us do grace this world with our presence . At any rate , back to the matter currently at hand . I hope to see her again , soon - - if I do , then I 'll just talk to her as I would any normal friend . no flirting , no kissing of hands , nothing . The closest I 'll come will be to say that I wish I could get her a Christmas gift . If things could only go as they do within my head , she 'd then respond with " talking to you is gift enough for me , " but in her beautiful , romantic way of speaking . Of course , that is far too much for me to ask for . Which hurts , but I know that I 'll survive this , as I do everything else . Skylark will probably never fall in love with me , but at least she 'll , I hopPosted by I actually get a little egotistical in this post . I 'm almost impressed that I could still get that up myself at this point . I don 't think I ever saw Skylark again after this entry , so the whole becoming friends thing never happened . Probably for the best , really - - I have no idea what she thought of me ( though I 'm reasonably certain she knew I was a girl ) , but unless she happened to be queer too , I was probably creeping her out . Whatever the case , she was never anything but pleasant to me . I did continue to identify as bisexual , happily , and I became increasingly more comfortable with that as time went on . In 1998 , still very early on in my coming out process , I would still have taken the mythical " straight pill " if someone had offered it to me . A year or two later that had already changed , and I wouldn 't have given up being bi for any reason . In the present day my sexuality is one of the parts of my personality I am most confident in , comfortable with and certain of . ( I actually prefer to identify as pansexual now , though I 'll still call myself bisexual for simplicity at times , depending on who I 'm talking to . ) Looking back on the early days kind of makes me smile . Sadly , the note about being glad my unrequited crush wasn 't " an IRL thing " was prophetic . And , yes , you will get to see just how pathetic and awkward all that gets in some later entries . God , does all that make me squirm now . Let 's see - - a car , driving lessons , a new computer . The first two I definately need to pay for myself . The third , I ought to pay for , myself . I mean , I 'm the only one who uses it , right ? So , I need several thousand dollars . Where can I get that ? The driving lessons I have pretty much taken care of . I definately need a job , now . Only a few days to go , ne ? I 'll be doing what Iris does , I guess . My homework , job - type - work , and musical rehearsals . Plus , if I continue , my improv class once a week , But , I really need a job . Both for the new computer , or at least repairs on the old one , and for a car . And , once I have that , university , so that I don 't have to stay in this hell hole for years to come . I 'm going to go write Sheila now . I 'll probably come back to this later . Jya - ne . - Vale I mention Iris for the first time in this entry . I 'm a little surprised that it 's taken this long for her name to come up , but I like to think it 's because I had so few issues with her , she didn 't have a place in the more ranty entries . Sheila was a c - penpal I can 't remember anything much about anymore . You see my independent streak coming through again here . I was , in the moment , dead serious about wanting to do everything myself . But because I was always speaking in anger when I swore to make it completely on my own , I was never much for the follow - through . I never did get my first paying job until the summer after I graduated from high school . I also mention the school musical for the first time . I was in the extended chorus - - i . e . the people who had to be included because the staff in charge wasn 't allowed to turn anyone away if they wanted to be involved . Witness my amazing talent for performance . Musical rehearsals were , more often than not , miserably lonely for me , especially since Iris had to drop out of the chorus due to lack of time . I stuck with it - - to this day , I 'm not entirely sure why - - and that becomes important later on in terms of some people I meet through rehearsals , and my big ( silly ) high school crush , which I developed there . " Hide not your Talents ; they for Use were made . What 's a Sundial in the Shade ? " - Benjamin FranklinWe are all losers to someone else . We are all heroes to someone else . We are all idols to someone else . We are all beautiful to someone else . Keep this in mind . You are wonderful . - Vale This should be a short one . More out of necessity - - I need to keep studying , or fail another assignment . I went to Colin for help with math , but he was on the phone . He 'll probably forget about me . That 's what people tend to do . Izzy called me tonight . He asked me to feed his pets while he 's away . What am I to him ? Does he consider me a friend , still ? I am asking sincerely . . . I really wish that I could know . At the moment , I 've no idea . He , and his parents , obviously consider me trustworthy , but I don 't know if he thinks of me as a friend anymore . I can hardly say I think of him as one . I don 't really know him . Not anymore . I rather miss having a best friend . It really was a nice thing , having someone who I really felt I knew , could confide in , and could believe in . Of course , it didn 't last . Nothing one believes in ever does . Love , friendships , everything fades . " Nothing beautifulNothing beautiful lasts " So , of course I am feeding them - - I like his pets . His cats are sweeties . But , our friendship is pretty much lost , I 'm afraid to say , and is likely irreperable . I have , no longer , a best friend . I 've known that for some time now , but I wanted to write the words . It makes it more real , which is probably a good thing . I need to deal , and move on . I can survive alone - - it 'll just hurt for awhile . For as long as I am alone , it will hurt . But , I will find people who love me , and the pain will die . For now , I wish I could just be saved . Be happy again . One day , when I 'm older , I 'll read back through these . And I 'll laugh , or I 'll cry , or maybe some of both . And , I 'll think of what has or hasn 't happened to change my life . Whoever you are , who is reading this now , the me - but - not - me , I hope that you are , and will forever feel all the passions , and that you are and will be happy . I hope that you have friends , and love , and that you know who you are , and are happy with what you 've become . Please - - I am a part of you . Never forget me . Find happiness . Love . And , most important of all : Be yourself . I hope that life is better where you are . . . " InPosted by The first lyrics I quote are from the song " Nothing Beautiful " by The Odds . The second are from " Angel " by Sarah McLachlan . As I recall , it did break my heart a little every time I went to Izzy 's house alone to feed his pets . There were so many memories there , of a friendship and a closeness that I 'd lost without quite understanding how or why . The message to my future self at the end of the entry is a little strange to read - - kind of sad , and kind of sweet . Some of my wishes for myself have come true . Others haven 't . Some of these entries do make me feel sad for the girl I used to be , and some make me laugh with or at myself , depending . The quote from Toy Story at the end makes me smile . All I can say to my past self is . . . I 'm still working on it . I 'm still unfinished . But things are a hell of a lot better now than they used to be . And I have hope that they 'll only continue to get better . For now , it 's a good place to be . It 's a good place to start . Why ? She 's constantly ranting to me . All the time , about a million times a week . She rants to me about the same things , over , and over , and over , and over , and over . Stupid bitch won 't listen , however , when I need to rant to someone . She talks at me , interrupts me , rants at me , yells at me , takes things out on me when she 's in a bad mood . I sit and listen , and not to often do I brush her off . But she will not let me rant to her . She refuses to listen to what I have to say . I can 't convey my pain to anyone by you , you know , Nikki - chan . You 're the only one who ever , ever cares . The only one who ever listens to me . Why can 't she shut her damned mouth for once ; just shut the fuck up and listen for a single time in her life ? ! She 's such a selfish , stupid bitch . Doesn 't she see that I 'm dying in this Hell ? ! I am so lonely . I 'm getting to the point where death is becoming almost preferable to life like I 'm forced to live it now , and no one fucking cares ! If I was suicidal , no one would fucking talk me out of it . Because no one would give a flying fuck that I was that unhappy , just like no one gives a flying fuck right now . I hate this life . I hate lonliness . I hate being so unhappy . And I practically hate them . All of them . Izzy , Hannah , Mom , Dad , Colin . . . all of them . At least I have you , though , ne ? I don 't know what I 'd do without you , Nikki - chan . I really don 't . I 'll tell you what I was trying to tell Mom . In fact , I 'll tell you more . I trust you , so I feel comfortable telling you things . Not like with them , you know ? Well that improv class was a flop . I 'm no good at it , for once thing , and , once again , I feel alienated as hell . No one notices that I exist . * bitter laughter * If I want to be ignored , I 'll just hang around Dad more often . I get enough of that from him . So , anyway , everyone knows everyone else by now . Everyone 's outgoing , and friendly to everyone . Except for me . I 'm ignored , I 'm lonely , and I 'm shy . I don 't know how to start talking to them , and no one cares to try to make an effort to get to know me , at all . Posted by Minor Trigger Alert : The " acting " I refer to is , I 'm pretty sure , cutting . I don 't know why I still got skittish about saying it outright , after I 'd mentioned it in at least one other entry . Notice how I separate it as somehow less fucked up than chemical addictions . I was still in the " I can stop when I choose to " mindset at this point . If only . From the context , this entry is talking about my mother , and how I felt like she shut me down whenever I would try to tell her how bad I was feeling . From present tense , I can 't say how much those feelings were legitimate , and how much I was overreacting . I do think it was a mix of the two . My mother does tend to shy away from conflict . And while I probably took her unwillingness to discuss how depressed I was feeling a bit too much to heart , to this day she does tend to forget that I was once suicidal - - in part because I never told her much about it until after the feelings had passed , and in part because she simply can 't stand to know that I considered killing myself . And I think that her need to not know , understandable as it is , played into her reaction at the time , when I would try to tell her how shitty I was feeling . This is the first post where I say outright that I 'm starting to feel like I 'd rather not be alive , though I don 't totally go there yet . But by this point it 's on my mind , despite the fact that I claim later on that I don 't hate myself . I was already more than halfway to full - blown self - loathing , if I wasn 't already there . " Ne " means " right " in Japanese . I use that in multiple entries . The improv class I reference was an after - school thing I was trying at the time , run by a local theatre group , and I was feeling like epic fail . Instead of managing to be a whole different ( read : super - outgoing ) person and make friends in a group where I didn 't know anyone - - as I always hoped would happen - - I was , as always , left feeling like the weird , shy , excessively quiet one who no one liked , and who everyone wished would just go away . I still suck ass at improv - - not the Posted by TRIGGER WARNINGSometimes I feel like I 'm the most stupid , lazy person in the world . I 'm not a good student , anymore . I wonder how many courses I 'm failing , so far ? Physics , I 'm sure . Probably math . Maybe chem . Doing bad in German . Probably in English , history , and Life Skills , too . I feel like such a stupid , lazy little bitch , right now . I tried to cry , but I couldn 't , really . I 'm totally freaking out . Yes , in my writing and façade , it seems like I 'm almost fine , calm as a lake on a windless day , but I have yet to clean the tears off my face , I 'm ready to break the window so it 'll stop moving in the wind , I really need to scream and sob , and I 'd be cutting myself up , if it weren 't for my not wanting to have sliced - up arms and hands in my Hallowe ' en costume on Saturday . Also , a short time ago , I threw you across the room , which , unfortunately , knocked your cover right off , poor thing . I 'm very sorry , Nikki - chan . That 's my new name for you , BTW . It means diary , in Japanese . In Nihongo . I like it , I think it 's cute . Kawaii ! ! ! ^_^ * LOL * Well , I have to go translate old English for homework now , because my English sub 's a bastard . Jya - ne , Nikki - chan . * hugz * - Vale TRIGGER WARNING : So this is the first entry where I talk blatantly , if briefly , about cutting myself . I 'm fairly certain I started self - injuring as a coping method near the beginning of eleventh grade , so it would still have been a pretty new thing for me when I wrote this entry . Full disclosure : I got the idea to start cutting from a magazine article I read about people who did cut and why it was a bad thing . So even stories intended to deter people from engaging in unhealthy behaviours - - which is part of what I 'm trying to do here - - don 't necessarily have the effect the writer hopes they will . Nonetheless , I think it 's important to admit that , while I recognize that cutting was ( and , in the moments when I give in , still is ) an addictive behaviour and a terrible , self - defeating coping mechanism , I also have to admit that in the worst moments of my pain - - it did sometimes help . Not always . And it did nothing to deal with the underlying issues . It was a prime example of treating the symptom - - the pain in that moment - - but not the disease - - the underlying depression that cutting couldn 't take away . I would never , never recommend self - injury of any kind as a way of trying to handle pain , for many reasons : Any relief is very temporary , and , if you draw blood , not worth the messy clean up . I was always afraid of the consequences ( being forced into therapy ? institutionalization ? being forced to take medication ? my family and few friends being horrified by me ? ) if someone caught me in the act or saw fresh cuts on my body . The scars - - believe me - - never go away . It is not bullshit to call SI addictive , and once you start it is very , very difficult to stop : it took me more than a decade to almost never cut anymore , and in bad moments the temptation is always there . The act of cutting can trigger suicidal thoughts at moments when you weren 't actually thinking them yet . And , as I said , it does absolutely nothing to help you work through and move past the pain that makes you feel like hurting yourself in the first place . But at the timePosted by Now it has been an eternity . Will the pain ever stop ? I wish , sometimes , that everyone would just leave me alone , forget about me . I wish that no one knew I existed . I think that would actually make everything less lonely than it is , right now . If everyone would just stop bullshitting me , stop pretending to care . It 'd be nice . I 'm still lonely . Will I ever feel loved ? Sometimes , I wish I could just disappear . I . . . well , part of me is serious when it thinks about running away . When it thinks about going with Izzy and his friend to her mansion , with her millions , and hiding out there . Most of me know that would just cause problems , but part of me . . . part of me wishes I could . Really , really does . Even if only for the ability to totally start over . Completely . Then , though , I 'd have to be utterly alone . To start totally new . But , for now , it 'd be close enough . I hate my life ( not living , just being so alone ) , school , lonliness , and having no one to truely open up to , who would listen to me , then open up right back . Oh well . I have homework , now . I hate school so much . . . it 's Hell on Earth . Fuck it all . I hate it , hate it , hate it . Jya - ne . - Vale The September 30 entry is prefaced by a two - line entry from August 30 , which for some reason I never had a chance to write more of . I have no idea now who this millionaire friend of Izzy 's was supposed to be . For the record , he never ran away with her either , since from the sound of my entry he 'd apparently been considering it . The parenthesis where I clarify that I don 't hate living , just how my life is , are my words at that time . I was trying to keep those things separate in my mind because I hadn 't yet given in quite enough to self - loathing to actively consider suicide , and I was afraid of getting to that point if I started thinking that it was , in fact , myself I hated . I talk in this entry about wanting to go somewhere else and start over completely new , by which I meant , be someone completely other than who I was . I hadn 't yet learned that it doesn 't necessarily work out that way - - at least , not if what you 're running away from is , like my shyness , and intrinsic part of yourself . A few years down the road , I did have an opportunity to start over fresh as a university student , in a city where I barely knew anyone , and it didn 't exactly go as I 'd hoped . I did manage to work through a lot of my issues around being shy eventually - - seeing a psychologist worked very well for me , with that - - but it wasn 't until I started therapy that I started making the changes I wanted so badly . Before that , it was like Social Distortion says in " Ball and Chain " : " But wherever I have gone / I was sure to find myself there / You can run all your life / But not go anywhere " . Sometimes it still feels that way . But I do like myself a lot more than I used to these days , and I have a lot more confidence that I am able to change the parts I don 't like , if I put my mind to it . The sign - off I use , " jya - ne " , means " bye " or " see you later " in Japanese . I was all about boosting my otaku cred . At least in my own mind , since by this point no one else much gave a crap . * L * I 'll be out of town next week , so my next post won 't be until March 11 or 12 . I realize there isn 't actually anyone reading this blog yet , so it 's a little silly to bother posting an away message . But since I said I would , if I knew I had to miss a week , I 'm going to follow through on that . I like to think I 'll eventually have a few readers who might notice and care , so why not start getting in the habit now ? I drink too much pop . I don 't know , it just seemed like a good way to start off an entry . I do , anyway . I drink at least two , often three cans a day . You know , I 'm thinking of getting another diary . I don 't know why too well . . . I just . . . A lot of things have been recorded in here , which some would call bizarre ; things which would have people deem me insane . I 'm not . I still believe in the things I wrote about in here , still believe in Magick . I guess I always have . I 'm naïve . I trust and believe in what people say too easily . In some cases , at any rate . I don 't trust and believe in people easily , though . Every person I 've ever really , truely believed in ( and , there have been precious few ) has hurt me . Mom , Dad , Izzy , Hannah . . . all of them . It 's still a struggle , at times , not to believe . . . in both them and others . Why do they always hurt me ? Why can 't I trust , love , believe in those I ought to be able to believe in without the constant , overlying fear that they will suddenly change ? My parents shouldn 't hurt me , should they ? Not physically , of course , but the wounds are still there . Some are slowly healing , most are raw and open . It hurts so bad . Pain . Pain . I know it so well . Apparently , I " owe " Mom two hours ' worth of work on my room . I always have a drawing to finish . I feel like I have to scream and cry , but even if I do , no one will ever listen . Even when they do , they never , ever , ever hear . " Please let me start screaming . Please let me start screaming . Please let me start screaming . Please let me start screaming . " Those lines from Invisible Man by Lush , I believe ? Dad was in another of his moods today . I can 't believe I got my hopes up when he joked with me like he used to , when he came to pick me up . Is it normal to feel like crying every time you spend time with your father ? Is it okay if he acts as though he doesn 't like you , and ignores you when you try to start a conversation ? No . No , I really don 't think it is . It 's good that he talks to Colin , at least , like he used to talk to me . Colin , I think , needs love and compassioPosted by I mention Wicca , magick and praying to a God and Goddess for the first time in this post . Izzy , Alyssa , me , and a couple other friends from school got interested in Wicca in eighth grade . As I recall it we were primarily inspired by The Craft , though we had heard about Wicca before that . But after we saw the movie , we read more about the religious and magickal aspects , started identifying as Wiccan , decided that four or five of us were a coven , and tried to perform some spells . I recorded a lot of that in my diary at that time , which is what I 'm referring to when I talk about how people would think I was crazy if they read old entries . ( For the record , I no longer identify as specifically Wiccan , though I do still like a lot of the beliefs . I also don 't worry about people thinking I was crazy for believing what I did anymore , since in retrospect being severely depressed and suicidal was a lot closer to crazy than a belief in magick . ) I mention my brother Colin for the first time in this entry . I have another brother , Brock , who I 'll likely mention at some point as well . I think Colin had broken up with a girlfriend recently , hence needing extra love and support . I also reference an old fight with my mother that was still bothering me . I can 't remember what that was about anymore , but it sounds like I tried to open up to her about something and wasn 't thrilled with her reaction . My issues with my father are expanded on somewhat here . A little extra background : My parents got divorced when I was in late elementary school . By the middle of junior high , my father had started a relationship with a divorced woman who had a family of her own . He got very involved with them , and his relationship with his own kids suffered as a result . I had set days of the week when I saw him , and since Brock and Colin were both too old for that , realistically I think they saw him much less often than I did . Unfortunately , by the time I was 14 or so , our visits weren 't very enjoyable anymore . Dad spent most of our time together with his girlPosted by I really need to take one of those long , long walks of mine again . I haven 't seen Skylark since , apparently , June . That 's okay , I 've given up on her . I 'm never on - line anymore , anyway . I don 't chat , and I haven 't answered my e - mail in pretty much forever . I just can 't bring myself to answer my mail . As for chatting , why bother ? What reason have I to go on those ? None . Easy answer . I have no more friends there than I do IRL . In other words , none . I was right when I said that this was not a mere passing lonliness . I cannot wait to finally escape out of this city . I don 't care anymore if I have to work in a McDonald 's sort of job until I 'm 40 to save up enough money to go to university , if Dad 's parents won 't pay , unless I go to the one here . If I 'm forced to stay here for that long , I 'll probably kill myself . I 'm so lonely . . . I have no one who loves me , here . No one who loves me enough not to constantly hurt or ignore me . I need to get away , and , at the very least , be an outsider in another place . Maybe I 'll get involved in some sort of exchange program in grade 12 . . . or , if possible , next year . Get away , on my own , and either make friends elsewhere or be a loner , an outsider , in a different setting , as I said . Hannah only wants to do things with Stacie . Stacie doesn 't seem to like me . Or , perhaps , she 's just shy . I don 't know . Either way , when I 'm with them , they ignore me , when I 'm not , they want to keep it that way . Izzy never calls me , although he always says he will . Next time he tells me that I 'm just going to tell him not to bullshit me , and leave . He has other friends , and for all his pretty words about us being his " real " friends , he ignores us . I 'm obviously no longer one of his best friends . And , that " real " friends stuff is just more bullshit from someone who 's turned out to be one of the biggest lying bullshitters I know . I think I 'll go on one of the chats , talk about how I 'm depressed and no one gives a shit about me , and actually try to alienate myself further than I 've already been alienated . I don 't neePosted by There 's a pretty big break between the last entry and this one . That will begin change in the fall , once I start back at school . I always wrote more during the school year because I felt that much more alone when I was in a big crowd of people all day , and convinced none of them knew I existed . I mention Stacie for the first time in this entry . She 's an old friend of Hannah 's who Hannah knew when she was really little , and who 'd moved back to town after living away for most of elementary school and junior high . Her whole family was friends with Hannah 's , and they 'd visited each other over the years , so they clicked as friends again immediately . Stacie went to a different school than Hannah and I , so I saw her more during the summer than when we were in school . I have no idea what she 's up to these days , though as far as I know she and Hannah still keep in touch . I 'd also like to note that these days I 'm more much aware of how lucky I was to have extended family who could pay for my university . I feel extremely blessed not to have student loan payments , like too many people I know . And in case I don 't continue this blog into my university years : yes , I did stay in my hometown for university . No , I don 't regret that . I blustered in my diaries , but in the end , a free ride was too great a gift to pass up , even if I meant I couldn 't go where I really wanted to . For me , it was worth it to stay . Near the end of this entry , you 'll see some of my early assertions that I don 't need friends , or anyone except myself . That 's something I still try to convince myself of in lonely moments , even though I 've never yet managed to make it a reality . I 've always wanted to be as independent as possible . But while in many ways I am ( not surprisingly ) more independent now than I was when I was 16 , I 've never gotten past the desire to have friends . I may be shy , but I do have a social side , and I doubt I 'll ever be able to excise that from personality . No matter how much I sometimes wish I could . Maybe that 's for the best , but I have to admPosted by You know what ? I wish that everyone would just stop lying to me . Everyone seems to be a hypocrite , and a liar . Of course , I lie , too , but I lie about my feelings and such , and rarely about what I think of another person , unless out of curtosy or not wanting to hurt them . People lie about how they feel about me all the time . I 'm sick of it . Know what else ? I 'm utterly alone . I 've felt like this for a week or two , now . Normally , when I 've felt like this in the past , something happens within a few days of my belief taking full force to change my mind . Not this time . Even if people knew I hurt , they wouldn 't care . Mom thinks that perhaps I don 't let myself feel pain . She 's a fool . Of course I do , how could I not ? I believe I am very empathic , so how could I possibly not feel my own pain ? In any case , yes , I feel pain . I feel it strongly . I don 't want to be alone . Perhaps there are people out there , somewhere , who I can believe in . I 'll find out , one day . When I finally escape my living Hell . Now , let 's see , how about those liars and hypocrites ? First of all , the majority just don 't really care very much , such as Brodie , Dani , Teddy , Izumi - chan , Kerry , Alex , and even Izzy , though he still gets a special place in here . They just don 't give a shit . Well , hey , that 's fine , whatever . I don 't need them , anyway . I don 't need anyone but myself . As for the others , they are the ones who have hurt me . I 'll talk about each of them , now . Mom - - obvious . She made me feel guilty all the time , when I was younger . It doesn 't work , anymore , now it makes me angry . But , she was the main cause of my lack of self - esteem , and why I blamed myself for many things which were not my fault . When she 's in a mean mood , which is not infrequent , she still tries to hurt me . For example , the other day , Hannah and I made some cakes . One was left at Hannah 's . The other I got to bring home . Izzy and I " iced " it with whipped cream and strawberries , and I was rather proud that it had turned out . I could tell , when I came through the door , that she was overtired . Posted by If possible ( and it may not be ) , please try to see past the weird , bombastic language I liked to used in my journals at this stage in my life . I like to think that , twelve years down the road , I 've mostly managed to curb that impulse . ( Though , as you 'll probably notice , I haven 't done so well with my impulse to write huge , run - on sentences . Or have too many parenthetical statements . ) But as I say in my intro post , I 'm trying to keep these entries pretty unedited , and as head - shaking as this kind of writing is to me now , it 's who I was then . It does make me wonder how I ever deluded myself into believing I wasn 't really a nerd . . . This entry is from the summer between tenth and eleventh grades , about the time when my problems really started . My group of junior high friends was pretty fractured by now , and it was starting to sink in that things were never going to go back the way they used to be . And , being extremely shy , I had no idea how to go about meeting new friends , in school or elsewhere . I had also started cutting in the latter half of tenth grade , as a fucked - up way to help myself deal with the hurt , which speaks to where my head was at that time . These are the seeds that the next two years grew from . " I 'm utterly alone " : those words , written for the first time here , became my mantra . ( . . . and for all that I meant that when I wrote it , in retrospect , I do have to own to echoes of Olivia from Beetle Juice . I always did love that movie . . . ) Posted by Before I jump into the first Notes from 2010 / high school entry posts , I think I should give a basic overview of where I was coming from just before I got depressed . In junior high , I had a small but tight group of friends . We were nerds , and we got teased like hell , but we had each other and that made it all kind of okay . The thing that initially brought us together was that we were all anime - obsessed in an era when anime wasn 't remotely cool , and generally assumed to be kids ' stuff or porn , depending who you asked . We loved Sailor Moon ( naturally ) , Ranma 1 / 2 , Project A - Ko , Rurouni Kenshin , and so on , and we watched whatever we could buy or rent . Anime was a lot scarcer back in the VHS days , at least where we lived . This is the group I mentioned in my intro post : the one that had broken up almost completely by the summer between tenth and eleventh grades , and that I clung to desperately way longer than I should have , because I didn 't know what to do without them . There were a few other people we hung out with a fair bit , but these are the ones I was close with , and who I feel like I need to explain ahead of time . There are other people you 'll see me meet along the way , but I 'd known my junior high friends for years , so without context , the journal entries about them could be hard to follow . Junior high friends : Hannah : One of my oldest friends in junior high ( and , for the record , still one of my oldest and closest friends today ) . We 'd known each other since elementary school , and stayed friends through high school . We had some issues at the time , and I 'm sorry to say I often absolved myself of a lot of bitchiness towards her because I always cast her in the bitch - queen role . You 'll often see me call her patronizing , say that she talks down to me , claim that she 's a lot less mature than I am . And maybe not all of that was off base - - maybe she did patronize me sometimes ; and yes , it pisses me off to this day when someone is clearly treating me like that . But I was just as flawed as she was , and I had no right to be so fPosted by This is an anonymous blog of my high school journals . It 's intended as a vitually unedited ( though heavily commentated ) , first - hand record of the depression and suicidal thoughts I was dealing with at that time . As awful as it was , you 'll also find that I laugh at myself a lot in my present - day posts - - because who could look back at their high school self and not do that ? If you want to know more , the details are in my intro posts .
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We are celebrated Christmas tonight as a family for the first time . We are loading up Miss A and going to the spousal unit 's parents for the holidays . My parents decided they didn 't want us up there for Christmas ( not in so many words , but I got the point ) , so we are doing all of the holiday at one grandparents house . So far I got a baby food making machine , Julia Child 's complete set of cookbooks , a necklace with Ainsley 's name and birth stone , and a Kitchen Aid mixer . I definitely call it a win . We have been traveling so much that I didn 't get a chance to send out Christmas cards this year . Hell , I didn 't even get Santa pics done until yesterday . But they turned out great . Wish I had done it a little earlier so they could have gone on a card . oh well . Here they are . . . I feel horrible . . . . I haven 't been doing anything special for Ainsley 's big hallmarks . . . her monthly birthdays , her first giggle , the first time she rolled over . I really need to be a better mother and keep track of these things more . So after writing this short post , I 'm going to write my LO a letter for her 5 month birthday ( which I missed by a day , btw ) , seal it , and put it in her keepsake box that she can open and read when she 's older . I 'm going to attempt to do this every month from now on until her first birthday , then every year after that . This is the only picture I snaped of her turning 5 months . I 'm a horrible mom . . . . . There are so many things I still need to do before Christmas . We are making handprint ornaments tomorrow . I 'm going to make them in dough and plaster . I 'm afraid the dough ones won 't last that long , and I was going to keep her little hand print forever . We need to go find daddy a small gift from Ainsley . I was hoping to order this . . . But I waited too long , and now I need to find something else . Maybe I love daddy picture frame for his office . Argh . . . I don 't know . Tomorrow we also need to get Baby A 's Santa pictures done . Yes . . . I am that far behind . It 's going to be a long next couple of days . Oh , and update on the Cinnamon ornaments . . . I made them a little thin , but I went ahead and hung them on the tree . It 's makes the tree smell pretty yummy when you 're near it . We got the most rain in Austin today that we 've gotten . . . maybe for a year or two . I mean . . . there were a few minutes there that it really poured . Everyone else in the US might laugh at that , but it was really something for anyone living here . We have been in an awful drought for a while now . But even the downpour didn 't stop me from checking my mailbox for fluff I had ordered . And sure enough . . . it was there . I bought a fitted diaper to try under the wool longies I 'm in love with , and some diaper solution cubes . I absolutely love their All in One diaper , so I decided to give tot bots fitted a try . I 'm a little worried they 'll stay really wet all night long though , so I might have to add a fleece liner to them , but we will see . The diaper solution I ordered was in Monkey farts scent ( I kid you not ) . I 'm not really sure what I expected . The name enticed me though , so I had to buy some . And yeah . . . it kinda smells like a floral fart . I 'll still use it , but probably won 't buy it again . So during my morning coffee , I got a call about a job interview I went on a few weeks ago . I got the job . It 's kind of a double edged sword . I 'm not one to put all my eggs in one basket , so it 's kind of important to me to have a job and be able to support myself . But having to leave Ainsley with a sitter makes me a little sick inside . And it hurts a little that it 's 15k less than I was making at my last job , and I have to pay for my insurance now , and I get a week less in paid time off . . . but it 's a job , right ? * sigh * 3 / 4 cup apple sauce . Make into dough , roll out about 1 / 4 inch thickness , use cookie cutters , and cut out shapes . Don 't forget to make a hole to hang them . Let them dry on a cooling rack for several days , turning occasionally . And BAM ! You have ornaments . We got back home today . I think Ainsley was the happiest of all of us about this . This is the first night in a week that she 's slept for a stretch longer than 3 hours . She 's back in her bouncy chair , and extremely content . This week had demonstrated to me how absolutely difficult it will be to move her out of her bouncy chair and into the crib . We were gone a week , and every night only got minutely better . It 's going to be a long journey . If you notice , we have moved to one arm out of her swaddle . Baby steps . . . . I 'm really hoping to get a lot of stuff done this weekend , but I don 't think that 's going to happ n . I need to get all my pictures transferred off my phone and onto my computer , upload pics to facebook , read the directions to my camera , apply for some jobs , and I 'm hoping to write a little about cloth diape s . We just got back today from Denver and will out and about again tomorrow for a Christmas par y . I 'm petered out m n . I 'm not really looking forward to it at this poi I will write one little thing about cloth diapering . . . I love getting fluff in the mail . I order all my stuff offline . I have found recently , that etsy is a REALLY good source . I came home to find some wool longies in my mailbox from Grateful Buns . They come lanolized smelling like lavender . My whole mailbox smelled like lavender . I 'm sure my postman appreciated it . Wool covers are the only thing I will use over fitteds . I mainly use pockets , but for overnight , wool has become my go to . Ainsley is wearing her new PJ pants tonight . . . I love the buttons . It makes me want to buy some more fitted diapers so she can wear these longies during the day as an outfit . I know at night , she is at least warm wearing these pants . Another thing I can home to was a follow up call on a job . I 'm excited and reluctant at the same time . I 'm ready to start getting a paycheck again = ) , but I 'm not ready to leave Miss A with a sitter . The best care she can receive is being at home with me . And I 'm afraid that this position won 't pay all that well , but the spousal unit is going to push me to take it . I kinda want to at least stay home with her until my unemployment runs out in April , but I guess we can 't always get what we want . We spent most our day today taking family pictures all over the mountain . I 've sat here all night critiquing them . Well , this was after going out to dinner and eating too much . . . of course . There are three things I 've determined . 1 . My teeth are really yellow . What can I say . . . . I love coffee ! I was going to get them whitened . I bought a groupon for it , but couldn 't use it because you apparently can 't get it professionally done while your pregnant or nursing . So , after July , I can hopefully get this taken care of . . . 2 . I need to loose weight . Baby weight . . . . from when I was a baby . Now . . . this picture isn 't completely fair , because the t - shirt I had on was bunched up around my waist from carrying Ainsley , but I still freakin hate it . 3 . I don 't p articularly like my haircut . She made my bangs too heavy , and they are too short on one side of my part . I have to part my hair really deep on one side the get all my bangs in . It 's kinda stupid . I suppose it is what it s . It 's going to be interesting to step on the scale when I get back ho e . I had a goal of losing 6 more pounds before Christm s . I hope that figure doesn 't go up at a l . I hate baby weight . Things have been the utmost hectic the last month . It seems the holidays have put everything into overdrive . We put up our Christmas decorations before Thanksgiving ( which is typically a big no no in our house ) because we realized that was going to be the only opportunity we had until January . A short run down of the craziness . . . I took Ainsley to Oklahoma for a week while the spousal unit went hunting . I was hoping for some relief from my mom in taking care of Baby A , but she was sick and unable to even hold her . We went to Kansas for a day , went back to OKC , then back to Austin , to turn around and go to outside of Houston the following weekend . This week , we are in Steamboat on vacation . It was Baby A 's first time on a plane . Quite honestly , I was super nervous . She did awesome though . We even woke her up at 5 : 45 am to leave to the airport . I know I would be pissed off if someone woke me up that early . . . She fell asleep once we boarded and didn 't wake up until about an hour into the flight . Once she did , she was super enthralled with the peanuts . That provided entertainment for a while . But once we got here . . . it 's been a totally different story . I really hope it 's not the altitude . I 've been trying to nurse her as much as possible to make sure she 's not getting dehydrated . But she 's kinda fussy all day and is up once an hour ALL NIGHT LONG . I finally got her to sleep for a couple of hours today in the swing that we rented and had delivered to our condo . I must say . . . that is a must have for all parents traveling with infants . We had a bouncy chair , swing , and bath tub here when we showed up . It was awesome . Her being cranky and us hanging out at the house did allow for us to enter a bunch of online contest today . I don 't think I 've blogged about this before . . . but I 'm really into cloth diapering . It 's actually become an obsession of mine . I love it . I 'm mainly into pockets , but I do have a couple of fitteds with wool covers . Anyways . . . I 'll blog all about this later . But the give aways that Autumn is doing is awesome . I absolutely love her blog . Beginning cloth diapering can be overwhelming . People don 't realize how complicated it can be with all the different choices you have and all the different washing routines there are . Her blog really helped me begin to figure out what was right for me . Ainsley slept really well at the beginning of the week . . . which is when I should have written , but by the end of the week . . . she 's been up every 2 - 3 hours . She didn 't completely go down til about 11 pm tonight . Her usual bedtime is 8 : 30 . So this might be a little brief tonight . I 've spent the last two nights up late looking through etsy for a hat for Ainsley . We are going snowboarding ( well , only Chad actually . Me have no insurance = ( . . . . . . ) and she needs a suitable hat , since we live in Texas and have had no need for one yet . So I 've narrowed it down . There are seriously thousands to choose from on etsy . . . The spousal unit votes for 3 and 5 . I 'm kinda leaning towards 1 or 2 . Either way , we need to get her head measured and sent in to one of the makers ASAP , because our trip is going to be here before you know it . So my spousal unit went out " hunting " this weekend , so Ainsley and I were left to our own vices . I say " hunting " , because I 've never seen him bring anything home , and he goes " hunting " several times a year . I get pictures of deer . . . . I think it 's just an excuse to get out of town and drink . Whateva . . . . I like the house to myself occasionally , honestly . His family does a big dinner while they are out hunting . So , because I wasn 't going , I decided to send along muffins instead . I figured they could eat them for breakfast or a snack . . . or when they 're drunk . ha ha . So I made Nutella cheesecake pumpkin muffins . He did come back with a couple , which I 'm secretly happy about , so I can eat them . The were pretty damn delicious . . . Preparation InstructionsPreheat oven to 375 ° F . In a large bowl , beat eggs slightly . Add in sugar , pumpkin and oil and beat thoroughly . Add in remaining dry ingredients and mix until smooth . Place paper liners in a muffin tin . Place about 2 tablespoons of pumpkin batter into each liner , then 1 tablespoon of Nutella batter , then top with 2 more tablespoons of pumpkin batter . Bake for 18 - 22 minutes . These are best served completely cooled . Makes 20 muffins . So yeah . . . we basically stayed in our pj 's all weekend . I did clean and watch football . On Thursday , we bought Ainsley an exersaucer off of craigslist . So while she napped Saturday morning , I got it all disinfected and cleaned up . She 's still a little too young for it yet . She 'll sit in it a couple of minutes before getting overwhelmed , but while she 's enjoying it . . . it 's so cute . We were so lazy that we didn 't even go out for dogfood on Friday like we were suppose to . So the dogs had a terrific weekend . They got green beans , bread , and cream of chicken soup . Sounds like a pretty balanced meal to me . . . They have a super hard life , as you can see . So , that pretty much sums up how busy we were . I have symphony rehearsal tomorrow night , so I 'll be busy pretty much all day . Just going to throw some stuff in the crockpot and call it good . I do love this time of year . It 's starting to cool off enough in Texas to actually be able to cook on a regular basis . I wrote last night 's post half asleep . I forgot to put the oven temp at 250 and letting the seeds roast for at least an hour , stirring occasionally . A mistake I made was also putting the seeds in a ziploc bag last night . I tried some this morning and they were incredibly chewy . . . not even edible . So I threw them into the oven again tonight , and they are much better . I 'm hoping that leaving them out will keep them non - chewy . Ainsley is incredibly out tonight . She was up kinda early for her . . . 8 : 30 am , and only took a two short naps ( 30 - 45 minute ) today . I 'm convinced I 'm never going to get sleep ever again . I 'm either up with her , or freaked that she 's sleeping so soundly . I stop and stare at her to make sure her chest is moving . It 's really hard to tell sometimes ! I don 't want to wish her infancy away , but I 'm kinda anxious about her turning 4 months . 90 % of SIDS occurs during 2 - 4 months . I can 't wait to get out of this timeframe . And we haven 't gotten her to sleep on her back yet . It 's totally my fault . She 's sleeping so well right now , I just want to enjoy it for a little while before the next battle . She 's still in the room with me . Here she is tonight . . . She 's been such a good baby lately . Maybe the transition to her crib won 't be that difficult . Her she is while I was putting on make - up today . This morning started off pretty shitty . The only job I have interviewed for so far got re posted with a temp agency last night for $ 22 , 000 less than I was making at my old job , and I wasn 't making THAT much at my last job . . . So I was bummed . As soon as I opened my mouth to complain about it to the spousal unit , I got an email wanting me to call about another job I REALLY wanted . I had put my salary requirements in the range of my last job , up to a little more . I was ecstatic . So I called while the baby was asleep . As soon as she asked what my PCR experience was , I knew it was game over . When I said I didn 't have much , she got off the phone fairly quickly . My last job did me a great disservice by not providing any professional growth . As soon as we got lab work and PCR work in , they didn 't train their existing staff . We got laid off and they hired new . Thanks Signature Science ! I 'm afraid this is a sign of things to come . So on to better news . . . I finally gutted my pumpkin and roasted pumpkin seeds . I may be a day late and dollar short , but I got it done . They were awesome . Here 's how I do it . . . . Clean your seeds really well . I got all the fibers off the seeds , then rinsed them in a colander . Bring a pot of water to a boil , add seeds . Slow boil for 10 minutes . Strain seeds and pat dry on paper towels . Place in bowl with approximately 1 tablespoon of olive oil . Mix to cover seeds . Spread on baking sheet and season . I used Chris ' steak seasoning on one half and 1 / 2 teaspoon each of cumin , garlic salt , and coriander on the other half . I ate some of them right out of the oven . And I thought to myself . . . . that is some damn good stuff ! We 've had such a busy week . We did so much stuff , that the days have been full and long . I had a job interview on Tuesday , so Miss A had her first official babysitting experience . I handled it just fine , thank you very much . I don 't think I could have done it several weeks ago , but this mom is ready to get back to work . And it 's really helpful that we have the BEST babysitter lined up . She is a stay at home mom with two boys . Before she did that , she was a special ed teacher . I 'm pretty sure she 's a better mom to Ainsley than me . I showed up to pick her up , and it was nap time . Everyone was asleep . They had done tummy time , went outside and swung , and played with bubbles . I can 't accomplish all that with one kid , much less three ! Wednesday was a funeral . Just generally crappy like all funerals are . Thursday was our shopping day and today was our first experience at post natal yoga . It was pretty fun . I don 't know if I 'd classify it as a good workout , but it was nice to be around other moms with Ainsley . The only thing I can 't stomach ( I 'm ok with all the other hippy crap ) is their pushing of baby sign language . I 'm not going to do it . Kids fall behind verbally that start using sign language . And it has no relevance the rest of their lives . It 's not like learning a second language they can use forever . Poopy in sign language is only going to be used for a couple of months . I think it 's stupid . Anyways . . . . The big thing is , the spousal unit bought my Birthday present early . I got a new camera ! Which is helpful , since I 've taken ~ 350 pictures of Ainsley so far , so they might as well be really good ones . It 's a canon . I like it thus far . Here is a picture of my Edel bug that I took messing around with it this evening I was looking at SLRs , and this is suppose to be as comparable as possible , minus all the bulk . Big plans for the rest of the weekend . You 'll get tons of pics later of it all , I 'm sure . So the wedding shower we were helping to host was this weekend . The initial plan was to have the spousal unit 's mom watch Ainsley . Unfortunately , she came down with the stomach flu and was unable to even hold her , so she had to hang out at the party all night . She was SO good . She got a little fussy at the end , but it was close to 11 pm . . . We had a lot of fun . It was in a really small town in south Texas , in the town 's beer joint . Who knew bars had toys for kids ? I stayed up til 4 am on Friday making cupcakes . I made 6 dozen . Yeah , you heard me right . . . SIX dozen . I should have taken pictures of them . Not that they turned out extremely pretty , but they were extremely delicious . The main " theme " of the cupcakes was booze , since the party was in a bar and all . I did make strawberry ones though , in case there were kids there , they could have one . And their weren 't . . . . Here are the recipes I followed , besides the margarita ones I posted the other day . To make the cupcakes , preheat the oven to 350 ˚ F . Line cupcake pans with paper liners . In a medium bowl , combine the all - purpose flour , cake flour , baking powder and salt ; whisk to blend . In the bowl of an electric mixer , combine the butter , sugar and vanilla . Beat on medium - high speed until light and fluffy , about 3 minutes . Beat in the eggs and egg white one at a time , mixing well after each addition and scraping down the sides of the bowl as needed . With the mixer on low speed , add the flour mixture in two additions alternating with the milk , mixing each addition just until incorporated . Gently fold in the chopped strawberries with a spatula . Divide the batter between the paper liners , filling each about ¾ - full . Bake until light golden and a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean , about 25 - 28 minutes , rotating the pans halfway through baking . Allow to cool in the pans a few minutes , then transfer to a wire rack to cool completely . To make the frosting , place the strawberries in a food processor or blender . Puree until completely smooth . Combine the egg whites and sugar in a heatproof bowl set over a pot of simmering water . Heat , whisking frequently , until the mixture reaches 160 ° F and the sugar has dissolved . Transfer the mixture to the bowl of a stand mixer * * fitted with the whisk attachment . Beat on medium - high speed until stiff peaks form and the mixture has cooled to room temperature , about 8 minutes . ( The bowl should be cool to the touch . ) Reduce the speed to medium and add the butter , 2 tablespoons at a time , adding more once each addition has been incorporated . If the frosting looks soupy or curdled , continue to beat on medium - high speed until thick and smooth again , about 3 - 5 minutes more ( or longer - don 't worry , it will come together ! ) Blend in the strawberry puree until smooth and completely incorporated , scraping down the sides of the bowl as needed . Fill a pastry bag fitted with a decorative tip with the frosting . ( I used a large , unlabeled star tip to frost these cupcakes . ) Frost coolThe frosting on these cupcakes were really to die for . I think this is going to be my go to icing recipe from now on . It can handle a lot of liquid , while still holding it 's stiffness . I think it 'd be really good with Baileys that 's in the next recipe . . . . 1 . To Make the Cupcakes : Preheat oven to 350 degrees F . Line 24 cupcake cups with liners . Bring the Guinness and butter to a simmer in a heavy , medium saucepan over medium heat . Add the cocoa powder and whisk until the mixture is smooth . Cool slightly . 2 . Whisk the flour , sugar , baking soda and salt in a large bowl to combine . Using an electric mixer , beat the eggs and sour cream on medium speed until combined . Add the Guinness - chocolate mixture to the egg mixture and beat just to combine . Reduce the speed to low , add the flour mixture and beat briefly . Using a rubber spatula , fold the batter until completely combined . Divide the batter among the cupcake liners . Bake until a thin knife inserted into the center comes out clean , about 17 minutes . Cool the cupcakes on a rack . 3 . To Make the Whiskey Ganache Filling : Finely chop the chocolate and transfer it to a heatproof bowl . Heat the cream until simmering and pour it over the chocolate . Let it sit for one minute and then , using a rubber spatula , stir it from the center outward until smooth . Add the butter and whiskey and stir until combined . Let the ganache cool until thick but still soft enough to be piped . 4 . To Fill the Cupcakes : Using a 1 - inch round cookie cutter ( or the bottom of a large decorating tip ) , cut the centers out of the cooled cupcakes , going about two - thirds of the way down . Transfer the ganache to a piping back with a wide tip and fill the holes in each cupcake to the top . 5 . To Make the Baileys Frosting : Using the whisk attachment of a stand mixer , whip the butter on medium - high speed for 5 minutes , scraping the sides of the bowl occasionally . Reduce the speed to medium - low and gradually add the powdered sugar until all of it is incorporated . Add the Baileys , increase the speed to medium - high and whip for another 2 to 3 minutes , until it is light and fluffy . 6 . Using your favorite decorating tip , or an offset spatula , frost the cupcakes and decorate with sprinkles , if desired . Store the cupcakes in an airtight container . I was kinda surprised that these were the biggest hit out of the 3 different kind of cupcakes . They were a little rich for me , but then again . . . I 'm not too crazy about chocolate . Friday was the last time I cooked . We were down in south Texas til Sunday , and we didn 't feel like cooking Sunday night , so we just leftovered it . I have a interview tomorrow ( YAY ! ) , so I didn 't cook tonight . Instead I went and got my nails done and went to the gym . I should go to the gym more often , but hey . . . I 'm consistent in being inconsistent . It works for me . . . There isn 't much to write about today . We did some errands and I 'm going to try to get up early in order to make 4 dozen cupcakes . . . or something like that . I did stay up late last night and re - did my resume . Hopefully that will illicit more interest than a career services company looking for money to find me a job . Whole Foods is closing it 's posting I applied to on the 25th . The likely hood I 'd get that position is slim , but it 'd still be awesome . . . The bit news of the day is that someone is 3 months old today ! It 's passed so quickly , and then again it hasn 't . Being in the hospital seemed like ages ago ( Thank God ) . But her weighing 8 lbs and me carrying her around like a football seemed like just yesterday . Here is the Birthday Girl today . . . Miss A sleeping in my arms tonight . . . Napping while we got the oil changed in the car today Almost 2 months old . I don 't think she 's grown that much until I start looking back at ALL the pictures I 've taken of her Here she is , 2 days old . This was our first night at home . And I 'm pretty sure we were both SO ready to be out of the hospital . God knows I was ! Today started off by going downtown . I received a call from a " headhunter " wanting to sit down and talk about jobs . I went to the meeting , figuring it would be bullshit , and it was . After listening to his spew about him empowering women , ( blah , blah , blah . . . You 'll empower my foot up your ass . . . ) it turned to me paying them to find me a job . Yeah . . . . no thanks . So that 's the only development on the career front so far . So I went to the store today and got all my supplies for baking . We are helping host a wedding shower this weekend , and we are in charge of dessert . So I made margarita cupcakes today to test drive them . They were delicious . Ainsley baked with me for a while as she rode in her Bjorn carrier . Then she got fussy and laid in her bouncy chair for a few minutes while I finished up the frosting . These aren 't cupcakes for kiddos btw . . . Preheat oven to 350 degrees and line 24 muffin tins with paper liners or spray with baking spray . Mix together margarita mix , tequila and orange juice in a large measuring cup . Add cake mix to mixing bowl and add egg whites , oil , lime zest and tequila mix . Beat on low speed for about 30 seconds until dry ingredients are incorporated and then beat on medium high speed for 2 minutes . Spoon batter evenly into muffin cups , filling about 2 / 3 of the way full . Bake for 20 - 25 minutes until a toothpick inserted in the center cupcake comes out clean . Cool about 5 minutes in the pan and then cool completely on wire racks . Brush additional tequila over cupcakes while warm . Beat cream cheese and butter on medium high speed until smooth and fluffy , about 3 minutes . Add 2 T lime juice and lime zest and beat until combined . Add powdered sugar 1 cup at a time , beating on low speed until incorporated . Add Tequila to taste . Add food coloring a couple drops at a time and beat on medium high speed until desired color is reached and icing is smooth . Pipe onto cooled cupcakes as desired . I wish I got a picture of A cooking with me ! After I got the cupcake mess all cleaned up , I started dinner . I just used the rest of the chicken we had left over from the other night . It 's a store bought rotersseri . Put a little olive oil and stirred in onion and green pepper with some salsa . Added drained can of black beans and the chicken with a little more salsa . It made the best tacos . I 'll have to remember that one again . . . It 's going to take me forever to write this , so it 's going to be short and sweet tonight , I think . Yup , it 's 3 am . I was so tired from staying up super late last night looking up cupcake recipes , that I passed out while nursing her around 9 : 30 pm . The spousal unit woke me up about 10 and took her and I went to bed . Apparently I 'm so use to only getting about 4 hours of sleep every night , that I was back up at 1 : 30 am . And that 's about the time she woke up . . . . I nursed her , and now she won 't completely go back to sleep . Luckily , I 'm pretty awake too from my 4 hours of sleep earlier , so I decided to battle the sleeping position tonight . And oh . . . . it 's been a battle so far . I pick her up , and she goes right to sleep . I put her on her back in the pack n ' play , and she starts squirming and fighting her swaddle . This is actually the longest she 's gone . . about 3 minutes . I really don 't know what to do . Should I just let her squirm and possibly even cry herself to sleep ? I know she 's tired . . . . she sleeps when I pick her up . Ugh , It 's going to be a long morning . Yesterday was pretty uneventful . Just cleaned the house after this weekend 's beer and cookies episode . I think today 's plans are going to consist of Starbucks ( of course ) and finally getting A 's birth certificate . We are going snowboarding this winter ( well , not me now , since I lack the all important health insurance ) and we have to have it in order for her to fly . So that should be entertaining . State agencies are usually just a load of fucking fun . I need to dig out the few Halloween decorations I have and put those up . I also need to get her costume lined up . I think she 's going to be a lobster . I mean , seriously . . . how cute is that . And this poor kids picture is ALL OVER the internet by the way . I can only hope I can embarrass my kid as well as these parents have . We pulled the tv out onto the back porch and watched Texas get beat by OSU ( Go Pokes ! ) It was a little white trash , but it was fun . The afternoon got a little warm , so I pulled Ainsley 's onesie off and she pimped her OSU diaper . Luckily I had pumped enough on friday and the previous week , because she had to get a couple of bottles Saturday . Mommy got Samuel Adam 's Cream Stout . . . . it was delicous ! I 'm really lucky in the fact that my spousal unit is super support of all my parenting choices , even when I can tell he 's not too thrilled . I would have breastfeed no matter what , but it does help that he helps me out whenever he can . Holds her while I get situated , never suggested formula when I was first beginning and getting frustrated . . . it was great . He even tolerates my cloth diapering habit I 've acquired . He doesn 't know that I ordered a couple more last week though . . . . ssshhhhh . And I haven 't exactly got her sleeping in her crib yet . She 's basically permanently sleeping in her bouncy chair . I put her flat in her pack n play in our room , and she only sleeps an hour , and is up again . Even tonight , she 's been a little fidgetty even in her bouncy chair . That 's partly my fault . I think I let her sleep too long for her afternoon nap . I really need to work on her sleeping in her pack n play . I 'm not ready for her to be in a separate room though . . . . Ainsley sleeping while I write this on the couch . . . . One thing I didn 't get accomplished this weekend is saving all my pictures on my phone of Ainsley . I seriously have like 250 . That 's what I do all day . . . . no working and lurking for me ! Just funning and sunning with her . . . . and taking a lot of pictures while doing it . If anyone knows how to load my pictures from my iphone 4 to my computer I 'd really appreciate it , because at this point , I 'm just going to start emailing them to myself . Along with all the beer this weekend , I may have decided that cookies were an excellent idea . I made a recipe I 'd been meaning to try . I don 't know if it was the beer I had , or if the recipe wasn 't that great . But the cookies only came out mediocre . I won 't even bother posting the recipe Just flat a chewy . ehhhhhh Now my plans for the week include finding a recipe for cupcakes . We are hosting a shower with a group of people and our job is to bring the dessert . I was going to buy a couple dozen of Hey Cupcake ( Hey strawberry nom nom nom ) , but at $ 33 a dozen , and I ain 't got no job . . . . We are going to make our own . Hopefully I can find some bootleg recipes or something off the net tomorrow . Speaking of jobs . . . I still haven 't gotten a nibble . It 's really frustrating . I had a job and a job offer this time last year . Now I don 't have shit . I keep telling myself that I 'm okay with being laid off , but I keep having dreams of punching my former bosses in the face . At least I wake up with a smile now . . . So if I can 't get another job here in a few months , I 'm going to need to figure out how to bring in ~ $ 2000 . I like being creative , and I can produce some pretty decent art . I 'm thinking of maybe trying to sell some of it on etsy . I wish my sewing skills were better , because I could think of several things to sew and sell on etsy . Hopefully it won 't have to come to that . . . . I 'm a recently stay at home mom to a 12 week old due to being laid off while on maternity leave . Not only did I not expect to be a mother a year ago , but I didn 't in my wildest dreams think I 'd be staying at home . Motherhood has definitely been an experience I was unprepared for . Never did I think I could love someone as much as I love my little girl . Completely exhausted , I still sit up and stare at her . She is definitely the most beautiful thing I 've ever done . And then there were moments at 4 am , after 6 hours of screaming , that I think to myself , " what did I do to deserve this ? " Now to get into why I ever even considered blogging . . . I am in no way a writer . I 'm actually horrific at being articulate . But a little over a month ago , while reading my July birth club board , there was a post by someone who 's daughter was having problems feeding . Her daughter , Naya , was born 4 days after my Ainsley . There was a link to her blog , and I commenced reading it ( http : / / www . notesofnaya . blogspot . com / ) . The way I look at my daughter has changed since . . . Naya was misdiagnosed as a lazy feeder . After being rushed to the ER , it was determined she had Sepsis ( a bacterial infection of your blood , basically ) and spent the next 2 months in the NICU until she passed away on September 14 , 2011 . I sat in my livingroom one day while Ainsley slept all day after getting vaccinated and read Jamie 's ( Naya 's mother ) entire blog . It was heart wrenching . As I went through the days of them sitting in the NICU , I thought about what Ainsley was doing those days . When I finally got to the most recently post , it was of Naya 's passing . . . . and I bawled . This little girl was a perfectly healthy baby when she was born . It wasn 't a genetic disorder . It was something that if was caught , she would have been perfectly fine . The symptoms were something that even I would have totally missed , but a doctor should have caught . There was equal possibility of this happening to Ainsley . Naya just drew the wrong card . Now I look at my daughter in a very different light . How lucky am I that I still have her . Even when she 's screaming at 2 am , I hold her and thank God for her being able to even scream . And at the same time , I really do feel a deep sorrow for Jamie and her family . How something could happen to a baby just like Ainsley is beyond me . If I had to hold my daughter while she passed , it would be the end of me . . . I would never be able to mentally recover from that . I have the utmost respect for Jamie and her family , and thank her for sharing her story . She is so much stronger than I could ever be in that situation and her ability to share her story is remarkable . I 'm sure she hates people like me . . . People who still have their children while she does not . I know I would . I am sure her intention wasn 't to write a blog so people would appreciate what they have , but that is what she has done . For that , I am forever grateful and maybe her story can be a warning to other new mothers as to what to look for so this doesn 't have to be repeated . Naya and Jamie will forever be in my prayers . So . . . on the one month anniversary of Naya 's passing , I 'm dedicating this blog to her . Her short life here on earth touched so many people via her amazing mother . I know I am a better person and mother for what Jamie has written about her precious angel . I hope that I appreciate the moments with Ainsley everyday in the same way that Jamie would appreciate moments with her Naya if she could have her back . . . .
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The night started when I ended up having two passes to a Dodger game . Normally I take both of my boys to games , but tonight I could only take one . Rather than choosing between the two , I asked my seven year old Erica if she wanted to go . She said " yes , " so we planned our trip . I like to stop outside Dodger Stadium to eat so that I don 't have to buy a lot of food inside the stadium . Wendy 's is one of Erica 's favorites so we went there . When we got the receipt the lady told us we were order # 66 . Then when we got inside the stadium we got one bummer . Batting practice ended early . Erica and I really didn 't get much of a chance to get a baseball . But we were still having fun . We were spending time together and about to watch the Dodgers ! Time Warner Cable has set up some activities under the left field seats so we decided to head down there . The Lockers are one of our favorites because you get free stuff . Each one of the lockers has a little prize in it : a rally towel , string back pack , magnet schedule , reuseable ice pack or something like that . You can usually ask the " Locker Fairy " for one of those things and you 'll get it if you are nice . Well I have seen some people get Dodger tickets or seat upgrades , so I thought I would ask for that . I said " Normally I come with Erica 's two brothers but this time Erica got to go . It would make her brothers really jealous if she got a seat upgrade . " The locker fairy said I 'd just have to guess which locker the tickets were in . So I opened up a locker that had a rally towel . Erica got a magnet schedule and we move on to the Vin Scully press box activity . While we were there one of the workers from the lockers came over to see us . She said that she told her boss how cute Erica was and suggested that we come over and play the locker game again . She said who knows you might win a rally towel or something . So we went over and played again . The line was long this time . When we finally got up there Erica asked for a rally towel . The Locker Fairy shook a locker to let Erica know which one to choose . But there was no rally towel inside . Instead there were tickets to the Dugout Club ! Pretty cool stuff . We sat in the third row of the bottom section . We were closer to home plate that the on deck circle was . Awesome seats ! All because my daughter is so cute ! Oh and by the way the seats also came with free food ! - great food . We had fresh fruit and some fish fillets . Plus there was also a ton of candy . Erica really liked that . She didn 't grab a whole bunch though . I think she had a hard time with the idea of all you can eat at a Dodger game . Here are some of the pictures from our seats . Great , great time with Erica ! The only bummer was that the Dodgers not only lost , but got shut out . But still the best seats I have ever had at a Major League Baseball game , and I got to share it with my super cute little girl ! ! ! : - ) Not opening day for Major League Baseball , or for the Dodgers , just for the Efting family . I took Alina and Tommy to our first game of the season Monday , April 18 . It was the first day of my spring break , and the first day that I would have been able to make it to batting practice . We made it to the gates about 2 minutes after they opened them . Here are Alina and Tommy waiting to be tossed a ball from a Dodger player . Unfortunately no Dodger tossed them a ball . But as soon as the Braves started taking BP someone tossed a ball up towards Alina . A good BP is when each of the kids get tossed their own baseball and I manage to get one of my own . I love catching them in the air , but beating someone else in a scramble for a ball is a good feeling too . I don 't know if I would go to so much batting practice if it was only for " the kids " it is a blast for me as well . Alina getting a ball first was great . In 2008 , when we first started going to BP , Alina got a lot of balls tossed to her . However when the two of them stand together now , it is usually Tommy that they end up giving the ball to . So for Alina to get the first one that was pretty good . Before too long someone tossed a ball to Tommy , and then another to Tommy . Then I caught one in the air . I had to go halfway down the steps to get it , and it felt really good . I gave it to Alina so that they each had two . That is a good BP - I made a catch and they each had two baseballs . Everyone thinks it is fair and we had fun . Our record at a game was five so four is a pretty good night . But that wasn 't the end . More balls got tossed up and Alina actually caught one from a player , I 'm pretty sure it was George Sherrill . Then Brandon Beachy came over and tossed one to each of the kids . I ended up winning the scramble for another ball and when BP was over we ended up with 8 , that 's right eight baseballs ! ! ! The game was pretty good too . Here is a shot at the beginning of the game . Ted Lilly got his first win . Matt Kemp got an RBI , and we saw the debut of Jerry Sands . Sands got a doublePosted by Every time I go to batting practice my quest is to get at least one ball . Actually my quest is to get three baseballs if I take both Alina and Tommy to the game with me . I love to see players toss balls to my kids . Last year in San Diego Tommy actually caught a ball thrown by a player . It was the first time any of my kids had done that . Usually the player tosses the ball to me or someone else around my kids and they hand the ball over to them . I have to be honest though . I am usually not happy until I get a ball myself . The most fun way to get a ball is to catch a homerun ball . Sure it is a batting practice homerun , but I am actually catching a ball that is hit from a Major League player that travels about 380 feet to get to me . The next most fun way to get a ball is to beat everyone else in a scramble . Well the last ball I got last year was like that . It was June 29 . Here is a picture of the one I got and the ones Alina and Tommy got that day . After that day I got shut out every game that I attended the rest of the season . That is why I stopped blogging about it . Well I am happy to say that 2010 has been much better for me . I have been to four games and I have only been shut out once ( and in that game we got three balls total ) . So I 'll try to blog about 2010 soon . I had purchased a ticket package from the Dodgers before the season started - Three tickets for 12 games . My two older kids usually like to come to the games with me , so it normally works out well . But June 1 was a school night for them . So I invited my Dad and brother to go with me to the game . I picked up my Dad in Colton , and met Scott at the game . He drove strait there from San Jose . We met early and played a little catch in the park across the street from the Dodger Stadium parking lot . We don 't like paying $ 15 for parking , so we try to get there early to get the good spots just outside the parking lot . That is one reason that I took up this batting practice hobby . I was hoping to have better luck this time with the D - backs , since I didn 't have to hold or keep an eye on Casey during BP . However I just managed to get one ball and even that one wasn 't spectacular . I should have caught it but I bobbled it , and had to grab it off the stairwell before another guy got it . During the time we were there , someone from a newspaper was interviewing and taking pictures during batting practice . He was really intrigued with Dad being there and wearing a glove . Of course the story was not quite as good when Dad told him it was his first game this year . I have been searching online to see if I could find the story they guy wrote , but I have yet to find it . Dad was really hoping to catch a ball , but there were not a lot of balls coming our way that day . The Dodgers looked like they might put a couple of rallies together to win , but they ended up loosing the game . Joe Torre brought Eric Milton in to pinch hit that night . It seemed like a very strange move , he had other hitters on the bench , and Milton is not really known to be a good hitting pitcher ( . 176 lifetime with no hits for the Dodgers this year ) . However it was an enjoyable night for me with my brother and my dad . Casey is 2 1 / 2 years old and I felt it was time to take him to a Dodger game with me one on one . Maybe it was too early for him . But I had tickets for a game on Monday May 4 , so I could not take my older kids because they had school the next day . So it was pretty much take Casey or go by myself . Actually I had invited a friend from work , but he had to cancel the day of the game . I had taken Tommy to his first one on one Dodger game when he was just three years old . Tommy ended up being more interested in Dodger dogs then the game . We ended up leaving after the second inning . I didn 't want to burn Tommy out on Baseball so I decided I would leave as soon as he wanted to . ( If you know Tommy now you know he is not burnt out on Baseball ) . I didn 't feel too bad about leaving so early because Tommy and I got there early for batting practice . We didn 't get any baseballs that day . But now 3 years later , I had a much better idea on how to get a ball during batting practice . Casey and I showed up early and were ready before the gates opened at 5 : 10 . We had Dodger and Diamondback apparel , so that we would look like fans of whatever team was hitting . Plus Casey is so cute . How could anyone resit tossing a ball to him . Well I was right . Withing the first 15 minutes of BP a security guard noticed Casey in the stands . He asked Guillemo Mota for a ball and tossed it up to me . Wow , that was so cool . Casey got his first ball tossed to him at only 2 years old . If he keeps going to BP he should be able to pass Zack Hample before he turns 25 . However that 's not the end of the story of Casey 's first ball . You see I was holding Casey in my right arm much like the way I was in the picture to the left . In my left had I had my baseball glove . When the security gaurd tossed the ball up to us I caught it in my glove , and then opened my glove to show the ball to Casey . He seemed excited to get the ball . He grabed the ball out of my glove and . . . THREW IT BACK ON THE FIELD ! ! ! I couldn 't believe it and , I couldn 't stop him either - my hands were Posted by I don 't remember another season where I was sooooo looking forward to the first game . You see last season was the first one where my kids really started enjoying going to games with me . Tommy really developed a love for baseball that started last year , and both Alina and Tommy enjoyed trying to get baseballs during batting practice . We managed to get 22 baseballs over the course of the season . So wen the season ended and we didn 't have that time together anymore , I really missed it . Of course its more than just a bonding moment for me and the kids . If you want to see all of the reasons I love batting practice you can check out my post from Oct . 22 , 2008 . Also the facts that the Dodgers have such a great lineup and have been doing so well to start the season boosted my anticipation of this game . So after school Friday April 17th I got Alina and Tommy in the van and we heading down the Cajon Pass to pick up my brother Scott and head to the game . We had plenty of time and were sure to get there early enough to find a parking spot on the street and not have to pay for parking . We were making good time until . . . there was a car fire in the middle of the pass . All lanes were blocked and the little bit of information we could find out about it led us to believe it could be an hour or more . It was going to be so great to finally get back to Dodger Stadium and try to get some BP balls , but now I was wondering if we would make it in time . Fortunately after about 40 minutes they cleared the road and let us get going again . We made it do Dodger Stadium about 15 minutes before the gates opened . Scott was not sure how soon we would make it out so he drove all the way to the game . We met up with him there and walked in together . In just a few minutes we were in position to get some baseballs tossed to us from the players or snag some home runs . That familiar view was great . But I got this nervous feeling in my belly . What if no one threw a ball to Alina and Tommy ? What if I couldn 't get to any home run balls ? It was the same kind of Posted by On our road trip this past summer we spent a couple weeks in Chicago . Kim is a Cubs fan and we had been talking to the kids about taking them to see a game at Wrigley Field . However by the time we decided what game we wanted to go to the games were sold out . So we went onto Ebay and found a few people that were selling tickets . We needed four of them and most people were only selling two . So we ended up paying quite a bit for the tickets , but I think it was worth it . It would have cost us more to come back out another time , and pay regular price for the tickets . Kim found a store that had Cubs temporary tattoos , so she tatted up the kids before we took off for the Subway or the " L " or is it " EL ? " . . . we took the rapid transit system in the Chicago area . We got to the game a little late , at least by batting practice standards . Kim doesn 't usually come to batting practices . She doesn 't really understand why I am so into it ( not many people do ) . So I tried to cut it close so we wouldn 't be waiting too long outside before the gates opened . But we got off the Subway just after the gates opened , and once we got in . . . well the kids needed to go to the restroom . So I was a little frustrated that we missed virtually all of the Cubs BP , but we quickly found a spot along the wall where all of the kids could fit . I couldn 't believe how crowed it was . I wasn 't sure that we would come away with any baseballs that day , but before too long one of the Reds players threw a ball up to Alina . I 'm sure that it was because of her pink glove . With such a crowd of people I think it really made her stand out . Casey even kept his glove on for a while , but Alina 's ball was the only one that we got that day . So we , or at least I was content to sit back and watch the game . Casey got into some cotton candy , and Alina and Tommy wanted to get some souvenirs . Tommy wanted a bat , and Alina found a cute Cubs squirrel . Casey wouldn 't sit still , and even tried to eat some nachos off of the ground that the people in frontRick
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Have you been hearing a lot about Vitamin D3 and health ? Maybe you know someone who is Vitamin D deficient . I recently read an interesting article looking at Vitamin D , autoimmune issues , and autism . This study looked at levels of Vitamin D and levels of anti - MAG auto - antibodies in healthy vs . autistic children . Anti - MAG auto - antibodies are antibodies that specifically attack the myelin on neurons and are implicated in some forms of neuropathy . Click on the link below to read the article in the Journal of Neuroinflammation . Here is a summary : 1 . Immune abnormalities , mainly autoimmunity to brain tissue , may have a pathogenic role in autism . Recently , vitamin D deficiency has been implicated as a potential environmental factor triggering some autoimmune disorders . 2 . In this study , autistic children had significantly higher serum levels of anti - MAG auto - antibodies than healthy children , P < 0 . 001 . Increased serum levels of anti - MAG auto - antibodies were found in 70 % of autistic patients . A previous study conducted on 32 Egyptian children , aged between 3 and 8 years , reported anti - MAG seropositivity in 62 . 5 % of autistic children . 4 . Serum 25 - hydroxy vitamin D levels had significant negative correlations with serum levels of anti - MAG auto - antibodies . That is , individuals with lower vitamin D showed higher levels of auto - antibodies . The authors emphasize that the findings are intriguing for future study and do not negate the contributions of other factors in the expression of autism . The possibility is raised , however , that there may be an autoimmune contribution in a subset of individuals with autistic expression and that Vitamin D3 may play a role . Posted by I really enjoy jigsaw puzzles , but there are some drawbacks to getting one pouring out the pieces on your floor or table . The pieces get lost , you lose interest in the picture , you get stuck and give up , or it takes so long to complete you have to put it all back in the box undone . I recently discovered the Jigsaw Collection HD app from iTunes . I paid for the 2 . 99 premium version , but there is a free version as well with some puzzles included . The premium version lets you upload any photo you want and turn in into a puzzle , for endless personal puzzles of your choice . You can also buy packs of themed puzzles from iTunes . Some nice features are that you can save puzzles you are working on , and have several puzzles in process at one time . You can choose the type of pieces you want . . . such as traditional puzzle pieces , waved squares , or flat squares . You can choose how many pieces are in your puzzle from as low as 12 to as high as 288 . You choose the color of your background puzzle table . You also have the choice to have the pieces right side up at all times , or rotated in random ways to make it harder . You can have the app separate all the edge pieces for you and bring them onto the table first . In other words , there are many ways to make the puzzle personal and adapted to your difficulty preferences ! I have often seen ads for zulily . com but never checked it out until recently . I was very pleasantly surprised and excited by the site . It is a site where you can find the latest deals on things for women , kids , and the home from a variety of different vendors . It is the type of site you check frequently , because the deals are only while supplies last , and the deals are for a limited time . . . usually about 3 days . The items are discounted from regular price and the shipping costs are low . You cannot return items , however , and you have to wait about 2 weeks to receive your purchases . They have you " sign - up " so you have a log in and password , that this " membership " is free . However , given those stipulations , I love so many things about it , I had to make a list . . . We live in a fairly small city , and there are limitations to the variety of stores located nearby . I tend to feel like I see the same things at all the stores . But on Zulily , there are so many different vendors and the items are very UNIQUE . In addition to having clothes , they also have toys , books , LEGOs , furniture , wall hangings , rugs , kitchen gadgets , boots , etc . 2 . Variety of Sizes You can get unique clothing , shoes , lingerie , etc . for a wide range of sizes . They have several plus sized vendors that have very nice clothing , of good quality , and a variety of styles ( work , evening , lounge - wear , etc ) . 3 . Good Quality The items I have received from them are of good quality and material , much better than if I bought them at a local discount store . 4 . Unique Categories : organic , gluten free / casein free , special needs My son is in the autistic spectrum and he eats a gluten free / casein free diet to help manage his symptoms . In the last month that I have been monitoring the site , they have had an Enjoy Life event for gluten free , allergy friendly food ; many clothing events that have used organic cotton ; and even a " special needs " event where they sold compression shirts , vibrating cushions , and chewy toys for kids . 5 . Latest Fashion and Toys I was somewhat concerned that if these were " deals " they would be outdated clothing styles . The merchandise they offer is always up to date for fashion and relevancy . For example , they currently have many events carrying leggings , tunics , infinity scarves , and high boots for women . Posted by We all have our favorite part of the holiday season . It usually comes wrapped with childhood memories of what was or what we wish had been . We try to recreate scenes from Christmas past . Capturing those great pictures of the kids for Christmas cards . Surprising people with gifts on Christmas morning . Visiting Santa and watching favorite Christmas movies on TV . For children with special needs , all or most of the above may be very difficult and not enjoyable at all . My dreams for the season are often not my son 's dreams . He is 7 years old and in the autistic spectrum . Every year , I 'm surprised by how much he struggles during the holidays . Just this year , I spent some time crying at a coffee shop as I took a break from trying to cook for Thanksgiving . As I try to regroup , these are my thoughts . . . For most of us , anticipation and surprise is what Christmas is all about . But for my son , anticipation feels like anxiety . He prefers to know what is coming . He likes a predictable schedule . He can seem " off " from before Halloween until after Christmas break . " Off " could look like meltdowns , crying at small things , wanting to be constantly close to a parent , or wanting to be isolated like under a " tent " in his room or behind a chair . * * One thing we have tried is to ask Joshua if he wants to know the " schedule for the day " even when school is out . This let 's him know what unusual things may be in the schedule , or what usual things are cancelled because of the holidays . Sometimes we ask him if he wants to draw out or write out his schedule . Other times , he just wants to hear it . Here is an example of a visual schedule . * * Joshua wants to know what he is getting for Christmas ahead of time . Yesterday , he and I ordered his gift together over the internet . Now he feels good that he is getting something he will enjoy , but he doesn 't have to manage that nervous energy until Christmas morning . There is a lot more activity during the holidays than other times of year . Even at his " typical " activities like fencing and school , there are Christmas songs , concerts , and his school even takes all the kids to a store to buy toys for charity . These activities can be overwhelming because of the noise , scents , bumping , and bustling . At any time of year , Joshua can be loud and physically active ; however , sometimes this is most noticeable when he is actually overwhelmed . When he is crashing through the house and can 't stop , I know he is having a hard time . There was a time when I thought he needed to " run off " this energy , but now I know that he most often needs help with calming during these times . * * He may need us to set up a quiet place like an indoor tent . He can go inside and watch videos or play an app on a tablet . Try these ideas for creating a cozy resting place . Holidays often have lots of treats , traditional dishes , and a deviation from normal diet . In addition , Joshua follows a gluten free , casein free ( dairy ) diet to help manage his autistic symptoms . Joshua typically does best when he has enough protein and very little simple sugar as well . We try to cook healthy and organic as much as we can , but still have treats for Joshua at every holiday and special occasion . * * Joshua eats a lot of healthy foods , but he often rejects new or unusual foods . Many of the traditional holiday foods are out of our typical routine ( e . g . , most of the Thanksgiving dishes ) . While I may be working very hard to make stuffing , gravy , etc . Joshua often wants his usual dishes . Or , he may ask for holiday dishes because other kids talk about them , but then often reject them when they are on his plate . This Thanksgiving , Joshua ate coconut milk ice cream and that was it . He rejected each of my Thanksgiving offerings . I have to just anticipate that he may want his usual foods ; I need to choose which ones I will make in combination with a few holiday dishes for us . * * We try to really focus on protein and healthy eating , so sugar rushes don 't add to his symptoms and struggle . * * We try to enjoy little bits of the holiday at a time . Our church holds Christmas service during the week before Christmas , so we are able to go to service and then not plan anything else that day . * * We don 't have family in our area ; rather than driving 8 hours to see family and stay in their home , we opt for a quieter holiday in our own familiar setting . * * We spread out his presents across multiple days , rather than opening all the presents Christmas morning in a flurry of craziness . So , he opens one large present on Christmas morning ( of course he already knows what it is ) and then across the following days , we dole the rest of the small presents over time . 5 . Take Care of Ourselves As I was crying in the coffee shop this year , I remembered that taking time to myself is really important . I can 't do it without breaks and a chance to regroup . So I either need a to find a babysitter , a willing neighbor , or take turns with my husband to get out of the house and breathe . Posted by My son Joshua is 7 years old . He has been diagnosed in the autistic spectrum . When he is having a particularly rough day , he may prefer to avoid seeing people 's faces or eyes . He also has a hard time handling adrenaline or strong emotions , even if they are coming from another person rather than from inside of him . That is why , there are times when he wants to tell someone something , but he doesn 't want to do it face to face , eye to eye , and emotion to emotion . I know we all do that sometimes . Maybe we prefer to email a difficult topic to someone , just for a little personal distance . Maybe your child likes to tell you things when you are not looking at each other , like when you are driving the car and he / she is sitting in the back . It tones down the emotional intensity you are having to process from the other person . Sometimes , my son will ask me to come under the covers with him so it is dark and we can 't see each other . Then he will tell me what is on his mind . Or laying in the dark as he is falling asleep . . . he may say , " Mom . . . " and talk about something that feels emotionally intense to him . I have to remember to be very " matter - of - fact " when he tells me something like that . Whatever it is , he is feeling overwhelmed by the emotion of it already , without my response adding to it . How do your kids talk to you ? This is a must for the winter and year round . I used to buy other natural lip balms , but they were about $ 3 for one stick and rarely went on sale . Once you invest in the ingredients , these balms will last a long time and are easy to refill . And , they can be made in different scents and are great for gifts ! I got the beeswax pellets through Amazon and also ordered these tall slender tubes while I was at it . I already had coconut oil in the house , and did use Vitamin E but found it hard to squeeze into the batch . I used some oils I had in the house like peppermint . Although I did invest in the decorative tapes , the trick was to be able to make them stick with all the oil and balm on my hands ! Posted by When I want to speak to someone who is quite a distance across the room or down the street , I shout loudly ! But when I want to speak intimately with someone , I whisper . When I 'm in a knowing relationship with someone , I want to talk up close and speak about dear things . Whispering is the sound of intimacy . Sometimes I feel that the more God wants closeness with me , the more He whispers . I must come close to hear His intimate thoughts . There is no shouting because God wants no distance . We have a God who wants to be found and known , not from a distance , but close up . He wants me close so that He can speak in whispers and share His heart with me . We seek you , God , with all our hearts . We lay at your feet . We seek to fully know and experience all of you - all of your facets and attributes . We want to know your provision , healing , safety , breakthrough , courage , peace , anointing , rest , knowledge , wisdom , blessing , and favor . We seek you . We pray that ALL of you will cover all of us ! 1 . Do you believe and understand the depth of God 's desire to be near you ? Pray that God will reveal to you how much He desires and loves you . 2 . How can you seek God and come closer so you can hear His whispers ? In what practical ways can you foster a more intimate , connected , and knowing relationship with the Father ? I love coffee shops ! I have always loved the smell of coffee , even before I liked the taste of it . If I am going to escape somewhere to relax , I will drive to a local coffee shop . While I 'm there , I will likely order a latte or mocha . That is my treat ! The other day , I couldn 't get away to hideout with a special drink . I was at work ! But I did find some coffee and a box of instant hot chocolate ( salted caramel flavor ) . I mixed it together , and Voila ! A hot Caramel Mocha in a pinch . Yum . . . What treats do you like in a pinch ? Celebrating any holiday with special needs kids can feel overwhelming . There can be a lot of adrenaline and intensity at holiday times , unusual changes in diet , and noticeable disruption of routine . There is also usually a big enphasis on cultural specific ways of celebrating , some of which your child may be unable to participate in or tolerate . Here are some Halloween tips : If your child has sensory symptoms , pick a costume that makes sense for your specific child . Avoid things that are itchy , smell " funny " , or are too tight . In contrast , maybe snug parts of a costume feel good to your child . A hat or turtleneck may help some kids feel more centered and secure . Having them carry a weighted backpack or some type of accessory with the costume that is heavy can also help kids feel calmer . Some kids might avoid face paint or masks , while others may like that feeling on their face . Do the best you can to select what makes sense for your child , and know that you will do your best to plan . . . and then be flexible when costume time comes if your child won 't wear what you had picked out . Have some options in your head just in case . . . like plan B . . . C . . . and D . Try using social stories to prepare your child for the unusual things about the holiday . For example , what happens differently at school or home . If the child is old enough , have them write a story with you or tell you the story . 3 . Extra Calming Times Plan extra calming times into your routine a few weeks before and after the holiday . Maybe your child feels better when they can lay under a table with a heavy blanket and watch YouTube videos . Maybe they like to play LEGOs in their room with a dim light on . 4 . Learn to Recognize what Behavior Means For some reason , I 'm usually surprised when my son has trouble before and during the holidays . Even this year . . . I was not expecting some of the behaviors that have " come out " such as anxiety , wanting to touch and climb on visitors , melting down if he loses a game . My son can also " lose his words . " Although my son does talk , when he is under stress I hear myself saying more and more " use your words please " and " have you lost your words today ? " My husband reminded me that we need to expect some changes before any holiday or change in routine ( e . g . traveling , the beginning or end of school , etc ) . 5 . Dietary Needs My son follows a gluten free and casein free diet to help manage some of his autistic symptoms . We have a game now , that he goes trick or treating , brings back " a stash " and then he comes to my " candy store . " I pretend to be a shop owner and he comes in wanting to trade some of the candy he can 't eat , for other treats I have in my store . Then he has choices and can choose what he likes . 6 . Be Flexible Sometimes we have high expectations for any holiday and how it should look if it is " good . " We might feel very disappointed if our child doesn 't want to wear a costume or leave the house . Maybe our child prefers to hand out candy rather than going from house to house . Maybe they won 't pose for a picture or meet their friends outside . Every holiday may be different . . . every year may be different . Take pictures when you can and build what memories you can , but let the rest go . Let it be good in it 's own way . If your child wants to stay home and hand out candy , embrace it . If they just want to wear face paint but no costume , go for it . 7 . Take Care of Yourself As a parent , you are doing the best you can . Some other parents may give you advice or feel critical of your child for not looking and acting like everyone else on Halloween . Maybe your child is nonverbal or won 't wear a costume . Maybe they can 't choose a piece of candy from such a huge variety in a large bowl . It could be that they have trouble self - regulating and grab too much impulsively . Perhaps they melt down in front of others . Not everyone will understand , but some will . You may feel alone , but there are a whole community of parents out there who support and embrace you . Posted by I 've been making these chocolate cookies from realsustenance . com lately . Yum and Yum . Check out the original directions below ( and then see bottom of post for my own variations ) . 2 packed cups Blanched Almond Flour 1 / 3 cup cocoa powder My own variations - - I use 1 / 4 cup agave nectar and 1 / 4 cup coconut palm sugar . I like the texture of the cookie a little better this way . If I don 't have applesauce , I actually use one large egg because I do eat eggs . I use coconut oil and it works out well . The cookies are great without chocolate chunks or chips as well . Recently I put in mini - chips and dried cherries . Posted by And He said , There was a certain man who had two sons ; And the younger of them said to his father , Father , give me the part of the property that falls [ to me ] . And he divided the estate between them . And not many days after that , the younger son gathered up all that he had and journeyed into a distant country , and there he wasted his fortune in reckless and loose [ from restraint ] living . The father had two sons . The older son had a relationship with the rules . The younger son had a relationship with his father 's property . Who had a relationship with the father ? Who chose father over property , rules , inheritance , and justification ? However , the father wanted relationship with his sons . When his youngest son was still a long way off , the father ran out to him and threw his arms around him , restoring the son 's place in the family , calling for a party ! When the older son was angry because the rules for right behavior had been broken , the father came outside to him and asked him to come into the household and join in the family celebration . No matter what we are attached to , God is always inviting us back into the house , into the family , into relationship with Him . He longs for relationship with you , even when the rules have been broken and the property is gone . He wants you . He wants your children . He wants to be close to you , to speak intimately with you of eternal things . What do you want ? Can we say we want the Father completely , without offense or reservation , and that nothing else comes first ? 1 . Are relationships at the top of your priority list ? How is your relationship with God ? Does it need tending , commitment , or time ? How can you pay attention to that relationship today ? 2 . In what ways can we show our children that relationships and people come first ? How can we consistently invite them into the household , no matter what ? How can we help them demonstrate that love and relationship to others ? Have you played around with the site " buildwithchrome . com ? " It reminds me of minecraft in a way . Google and LEGO worked together to use a map of Australia and New Zealand which allows people to build LEGO structures , publish them on the map , and view what others have built . This is a great one from detoxinista . com . I actually make a double batch of this recipe and use a cupcake tin with liners to make 12 servings . I keep them in the freezer , and eat one for breakfast as I run out the door for protein packed goodness . It fills me up and lasts a long time . The basic recipe is below , but use the link for the most complete directions . Raw Chocolate - Swirl Cheesecake bars I vividly remember the day I was working in a United States hospital as usual . I was asked to see a patient who had been brought in from home with significant debility . I am often asked to work with the medical team when there is concern that someone is failing at home and needs more help than they have . I walked to the connected building where he was being treated . When I got to the room , he was in contact isolation which means staff put gowns and gloves on to help prevent spreading infections to staff or other patients . As I read the chart , I saw that he had lice and open sores on his skin . I was surprised that the nurses were wearing masks and asked if he had a respiratory infection . One nurse stepped out and explained that staff worse masks because of the smell ; he had not been bathed and cared for in so long , and his sores were oozing . I came in ready to introduce myself . As I entered the door and turned to the right to face him , I took the scene in visually in what felt like an instant . There were two nurses cleaning him and caring for him . He was clearly the most debilitated person I had seen at the hospital . His arms and legs were contracted and he was unable to straighten his joints . He had obviously been bedridden . He was so thin . I remember thinking " This is like a man Mother Teresa would take in from the streets . " Just then I felt God at my right side whispering in my ear . He said , " Theresa , do you see him . " " Yes God , " I said . " I feel so sorry for him . " God said , " Isn 't he wonderful ! I created him . Isn 't he wonderful . I love him so much . He 's my favorite ! " That moment changed my life . I knew God was not closing His eyes to the suffering of this gentleman , but in that moment He was gazing on him as he created him . His Father 's gaze saw His son , His wonderful creation . Just like the good Daddy He is , he saw this man as a child , running and jumping on His lap . God said , " There you are ! I missed you ! Oh , I love you . You are my favorite ! " and then he would jump off and a little girl would run up . God would say , " Oh , there she is ! My favorite ! Oh , there 's my girl . " And so on the dance continued , children coming and going . All His creation , all His favorite . It hit home . . . Every person I interact with is God 's wonderful creation . All people were created for good . They were created with identity in Him , with destiny , and purpose . They were created to proclaim beauty for ashes , joy for despair , and resurrection to the dead . Kings and Queens , paupers , plumbers , CEOs , soccer moms , divorced dads . . . those in prison , in shelters , in mansions , in stone cottages . . . those revered , those criticized , those seen and unseen , those claimed and unclaimed . . . the woman who stole from you , the man who betrayed you , the parent who let you down , the political figure you despise . . . all were created to be representatives of the King . They were created to be filled with the Holy Spirit to speak peace , healing , and blessing everywhere they go . When you interact with them , you are speaking to God 's beloved , His creation . He longs for them to be close to Him always , He chases after their heart so they be not deceived by the Deceiver , He invites them into his flock like a Shepherd , He longs to give them Life forever . . . God 's longing for His people to be near to Him - - Longing in the manger , Longing on the cross , Longing from His throne . He is a God who longs for his people to be restored to Him . Even when others don 't know who they are in Christ , can we look at them and know that what the Psalmist said is true for them as well . . . For You shaped me , inside and out . You knitted me together in my mother 's womb long before I took my first breath . I will offer You my grateful heart , for I am Your unique creation , filled with wonder and awe . You have approached even the smallest details with excellence ; Your works are wonderful ; I carry this knowledge deep within my soul . O Eternal One , You have explored my heart and know exactly who I am ; You even know the small details like when I take a seat and when I stand up again . Even when I am far away , You know what I 'm thinking . You observe my wanderings and my sleeping , my waking and my dreaming , and You know everything I do in more detail than even I know . You know what I 'm going to say long before I say it . It is true , Eternal One , that You know everything and everyone . Can we live with the knowing that people who are different from ourselves are cherished by our King ; He created them and has thoughts and plans for them . . . what treasure , what value , and joy ! v17 - 18 Your thoughts and plans are treasures to me , O God ! I cherish each and every one of them ! How grand in scope ! How many in number ! If I could count each one of them , they would be more than all the grains of sand on earth . Their number is inconceivable ! My 7 year old son follows a gluten free , casein ( dairy protein ) free diet . This helps him manage his symptoms within the autistic spectrum . We are always on the look out for healthy and yummy alternatives for favorite foods like ice cream . A few years ago , I played around with recipes for making homemade ice cream . We use a Cuisinart ice cream maker ( I don 't think the model is even being sold now ) and probably make about 5 batches a week . We have been doing this for about 4 years , and the machine is holding up well . The milk base I use for the ice cream is a mixture of hemp milk and coconut milk . Coconut milk is produced when water and coconut " meat " are mixed together and then pressed so the milk is harvested . Some sources I read said the water used is coconut water and others just said " water . " Coconut milk contains medium chain fatty acids , the fatty acid type most easily recognized and used by your body . Because coconut milk is not a cow 's milk product , it is free of lactose and the large milk proteins that can be associated with intolerances and allergies . It is also vegan . It is versatile and can be used in smoothies , rice dishes , soups , and curries . Coconut milk is found in cans , sometimes in the international food section of your grocery store . Basic recipe : In a blender , I put one can of coconut milk ( you can use either full fat or lite depending on how creamy you like it and how much you want to cut calories ) and then top it off with hemp milk until I reach about 4 cups on the total blender content line . Add 1 / 4 to 1 / 3 cup of Agave nectar and blend . You can make flavors by adding elements to this basic recipe ( our ice cream maker holds about 5 cups , so I watch the blender content line when I am adding ingredients . Ideas : I love autumn . Maybe its because I was born during the fall . Maybe its because my name means Reaper . Maybe its because my husband proposed to me at a cider mill . Of course , the pumpkin spice lattes , cool crisp air , and colored leaves don 't hurt either . And in our prayers , we all wait for the harvest don 't we ? The fruit of the seeds we have planted in intercession . The glorious outcome of all the sowing . . . the seeds sown in tears . We wait to harvest them in joy . Here are some of my favorite harvest scriptures ( The Message ) : Galations 6 : 9 So let 's not allow ourselves to get fatigued doing good . At the right time we will harvest a good crop if we don 't give up , or quit . Hosea 10 : 11 Sow righteousness , reap love . It 's time to till the ready earth , it 's time to dig in with God , Until he arrives with righteousness ripe for harvest . I have recently been recovering from surgery , and having some food we can unwrap and throw in the oven is very nice ! That is sometimes a tall order when you are trying to eat natural food , and in addition , we eat gluten free , soy free , and dairy free . We recently discovered Ian 's gluten free dairy free pizza at our local grocery store . We have tried other frozen pizzas but didn 't care for the " cheese . " Ian 's is now our favorite frozen pizza . . . nice crunchy crust , smooth cheesy topping , and delicious uncured pepperoni . The makers describe it as " all nature allergy friendly . " For those of you that like gluten free but can eat some dairy , you may want to check out Bella Monica 's Gluten - Free Spinach and Feta pizza . It has a subtle spinach taste and the feta adds a nice unusual twist to the usual cheesy topping . Posted by Interested in Paleo cooking ? You might want to check out civilizedcaveman . com , I personally LOVE this recipe on the site for lemon pound cake . I use agave nectar rather than honey and I leave the glaze off . The cake is very moist and not too sweet . I have noticed that the center often seems too soft when I take it out , which I think is a function of the coconut oil which melts easily even at near room temps . I put it in the fridge for cooling and it firms up nicely . Serves : 12
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April 18th , 2010 started out like any other Sunday morning . I was 36 weeks pregnant and as big as a house . I mean ginormous . I woke up , got dressed in the comfiest dress I owned , and went to church with my parents . After church , my step mom and I went to Taco Bell . I told her that I was having some weird crampy pains in my stomach . They didn 't really hurt , they were just kind of annoying . " Oh , " she said , " I bet it 's the Taco Bell acting up . I bet Trey doesn 't like it . " So off we went to my baby shower . The shower was at my best friends house . Sadly , she was at work . But my other best friend was nice enough to show . So there I was sitting there on my best friend 's mom 's prized leather couch . Everyone was getting there food and drinks and party favors . They were all women from my step mom 's Sunday school class , so they were also discussing the sermon and class from earlier . The presents were scattered haphazardly around me waiting to be opened . I glanced over at my best friend and whispered , " you know it would really suck if my water broke right now … " " WHAT ? ! ? ! Your water just broke ! ? ! " My best friend practically shrieked across the room . She was , and still to this day , not the master of subtly , or quietness . My eyes got really big and went to shush her aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand then I felt it . A little trickle that kinda felt like I peed myself . Every one 's heads jerked in my direction . I 'm pretty sure I heard a couple of necks crack from the sheer force they were cranked at . My step mom rushed me off to the bathroom to check and make sure everything was ok . I sat there on the toilet for a few seconds and she poked her head in the bathroom , caught a glimpse of my undies and said " Yup . It broke . " The hostess gave me a pair of clean , dry panties and a pad . I slid them on and walked back into the living room to hear my step mom say something about finishing with the presents before we went to the hospital . ( We were literally like 5 or 6 minutes away from the hospital . ) So . I finished opening my presents , picked what I wanted to take to the hospital with me , packed everything up , and left . On the way , I called my dad and told him to pack a bag for me with my green plaid pants with the pink ribbon tie , a couple t shirts and some undies because we were going to the hospital just in case . About 8 hours , an almost fight in the delivery room , a small scare with my little man facing the wrong way , and a lovely discussion about who was going to win which category on the CMAs later , my little bundle of joy was finally here . Born at 7 pounds , 9 ounces and 20 inches long , my little man was finally here . He was gorgeous . He was so sweet . He was all mine . He made me feel whole . Good Friday , April 18th , 2014 , that little bundle of joy , my little man , will be four years old . He is growing up on me so fast . Next year he will be starting Kindergarten . He can use the potty by himself , completely and totally . He doesn 't need Mommy to dress him ( even though I still do ) . He doesn 't need help eating anymore . He doesn 't cuddle anymore , too much energy for that . His laugh has changed from that cute baby giggle to that cute little kid laugh . It seems like yesterday he was my little baby . Now he really is growing up into a great little man . For four years , I 've watched him grow and become this awesome little person . I cannot wait to see what the rest of the future has in store for me . He can be a handful , but he will always be my baby , my little man . June 29 , 2012 , afternoon . I convinced my husband to take me to the hospital because I was having some pretty intense irregular contractions . So , off we went . I was soon admitted with pre - term labor . I spent a week in the hospital . The first night was the worst . They pumped this stuff in me called magnesium citrate to stop the contractions . I don 't take IVs well in the first place . So first they gave me morphine for pain and phenagren for the nausea caused be morphine . With my arm on fire from that , they then gave me the magnesium citrate . It felt like I was on fire from one wrist , up my arm , across my chest , and down my other arm . I then proceeded to hold a plastic barf bag up to my face and tried not to dry heave . And of course , since I was in pain , I held my breath . Which made my blood oxygen levels plummet and the blood pressure cuff go crazy . Then ( going to get a little TMI here for a minute ) they felt a need to insert a catheter , after I repeatedly told them no , because I didn 't have to pee . After removing it , I screamed and cried and whimpered and tried to not to cut off the circulation in my husband 's hand for about 30 minutes . My step mom , who was my rock through this whole ordeal , was in Texas . My parents cut their vacation short and drove 6 hours to come be with me . By that time , the pain in everything but my arm had stopped . I was poked and prodded every four hours the first twenty - four hours , because of the magnesium . Then , I thought I was having contractions yet again , and they took my food away . Who in their right mind takes food away from a pregnant woman ? ! Did they want to die ? ! But , anyways . After that I was in the hospital every weekend for a month , with no changes . Just irregular contractions . One time , a doctor told me that I could stay over night in the labor and delivery room I was in , if I really wanted to . I said no , wanting to sleep in my own bed . Friday , July 13 , 2012 , 9 pm . ( Of course it was the 13th . Just my luck right ? ! ) My husband and I had just left the dollar movie theater after watching What to Expect When You Are Expecting . ( Guys . If you haven 't seen this movie , I suggest you watch it ASAP . It 's a great movie ! ! ) When we got in the car , I started having some uncomfortable contractions , but they weren 't regular enough for me to time . We got home and I went to lay down . Within about 30 minutes I was in tears from the pain . It wasn 't that it hurt really bad , it was uncomfortable and I didn 't really know what was going on . I 'd spent a week , and every weekend for a month , in the hospital with no change . By this point I was beyond frustrated . I consulted this wonderful site , and they said to wait it out . I went against their directions and about 11 : 30 pm , I woke my husband up and back to the hospital we went . Saturday , July 14 , 2012 , 5 : 30 am . My little baby boy decided to grace us with his presence . After almost ripping a nurses face off so that I could push , I finally got to meet the little boy who insisted on coming to join this crazy world earlier than he should have . They had gave me a shot for his lungs a month before so he was breathing just fine . Eating , however , wasn 't going so well . He had a tube in his nose most of the time he was in the hospital , and he was in the hospital for a week . That was the hardest thing in the world to watch . A nurse told me that we could only stay two nights in a room off the nursery . So , Tuesday , Wednesday , and Thursday night , hubby and I drove literally 10 minutes away to our town house to sleep as much as we could through crying , just to get up the next morning and drive another 10 minutes back to the hospital . Friday , a doctor ( my favorite one by the way ) told us that he didn 't care what anyone said , we could stay as long as he was there . The next day he went home . Sunday , July 14 , 2013 , 2 : 00 pm . My little man 's first birthday ! ! ! Now , this birthday party . It couldn 't be easy , ya know , since it was the first . Something HAD to go wrong . A week before the party , I moved it from Saturday to Sunday because my mother in law had a float trip on Saturday . She had already spent money on the float trip , meaning she had already bought the alcohol for the float trip . So , not very many people showed up to the party . But we still had fun ! However , I ended up wearing more cake than little man did ! After he got done playing in the cake , he had a bath and went outside with my in - laws . A few of my friends who came to the birthday stayed inside with me . I went to the bathroom and came out and had what was left of the smash cake thrown at me . I then proceeded to scream bloody murder because my friend 's wife scared the ever - loving crap out of me . The cake landed face up on the tile floor , so , of course , I grabbed and took off after her . And a cake fight ensued . After the cake fight ended and it was all cleaned up , my in - laws left and I noticed some cake sitting on the high chair still . My friend 's wife had her son laying on her , so we asked hubby to go around the corner to get her some potato salad . ( Hubby was yet to be wearing any cake . ) So I hid around the corner and attempted to smash cake in his face . I somewhat got him . But , I mostly just got potato salad smashed in my hair . Sadly , I do not have a picture of that . Potato salad smells horrible to me and it was all I could do not to get sick waiting to get into the bathroom to wash it out . But , I do have a picture of me wearing the cake ! ! So here ya go , laugh it up ! ! I sure did ! ! The girl on the left is my friend 's wife and I 'm on the right . Obviously , I lost the cake fight . I was laughing way to hard to really fight back . I can 't help it . My baby will be one in 29 days ! ! ! He is getting so big ! ! When he was first born his daddy could hold him with one hand ! ! He could barely fit in newborn clothes . And his car seat ! ! He was practically swimming in it ! ! Now , he 's almost conquered crawling and just tried to pull himself up on my table ! ! ( He kid of slid on his butt farther underneath the table and then fell over , rather than getting up . ) Kase , pronounced like case , Daniel Ferguson was born July 14 , 2012 . He was born at 35 weeks and had to have a feeding tube inserted into his nose because he wasn 't eating . After spending a week in the hospital with pre - term labor , having my food taken away , and being in and out of the hospital for a month , I had to spend another week in the hospital with my baby . Thankfully they gave me a steroid shot while I was in pre - term labor to increase his lung production , so he was breathing perfectly fine . He was actually quiet compared to his brother . Key word there , was . Now , he is spoiled rotten . He slept in bed with mommy and daddy for six months . Then , mommy got tired of sleeping in uncomfortable positions . So mommy put him in his own bed . He still falls asleep on my dear hubby 's chest every night , and he 's held a lot more than he should be . But his giggle is the most contagious thing ever . And , when he 's in his walker and he drops something , watching him walk in circles trying to figure out how to get it is rather humorous . He 's a cuddly little ball of fun , most of the time . Not to mention that he has curly hair just like his daddy . So , when he wakes up the back of his hair , which is the longest part , is a mass of curls poking out everywhere . I look at my oldest and remember his first birthday like it was yesterday . I know Kase 's will be the same way . I 'm so excited to watch him attempt to eat cake and figure out what the hell his mommy put in front of him . He has his two bottom teeth but his top two have just barely poked out from his gums , so he hasn 't really been introduced to very many solid foods . So hopefully he will be able to eat it . We are still deciding on the theme . Actually , I haven 't even began to debate what I want to do . His party is 28 days aways , so I guess I better hurry up and decide ! ! The party is going to be at my house so I 'm not sure how crazy I want to go with decorations and what not . I will be sure to try to remember to take pictures and post them ! ! First random thought up is the new show I 'm watching . It 's not new but it 's new to me . Its called Supernatural . I was looking through the 3 Chic Geeks ' blog and I found a really neat list they have . The list is called " Fictional boys we would like to date ( who would make horrible boyfriends ) " . On this list they have people like Draco Malfoy , Sam and Dean Winchester , and BBC 's version of Sherlock Holmes . ( I won 't put everyone because I don 't want to ruin the awesomeness of this list . ) Reading through this list and " More fictional boys we would like to date ( who would make even worse boyfriends ) " , it made me want to watch a couple of these shows . One was Supernatural . So , thanks to the amazingness of Netflix , I 'm watching it . I 'm pretty sure I 'm still only in the first season and ohmigosh guys ! ! ! Its ah - freaking - mazing ! ! Now , I don 't suggest watching it if you don 't like horror movies . It gets pretty intense ! ! The second piece of randomness is I mowed our yard for the first time this year ! ! Well . I didn 't , my husband did . I just spread out the leaves on the dead spots in the year . Hubby then mowed over them for mulch . But ! what grass is growing ( which is surprisingly a lot ) is super green and feels amazing on my feet ! Well , at least I think it does … I know the grass at my grandma 's feels good on my feet ! I walked around barefoot and hunted eggs with my youngest . The last piece of randomness is that my baby , actually my oldest but I call him my baby , will be three years old in eleven days . I can 't believe it ! ! It is just crazy ! ! ! ! Time has really flown ! ! He has gotten so big so fast ! He repeats everything you say , he 's pretty much completely potty trained ( well he is but we still have accidents at night but that 's it ) , he 's super tall , and he will be in pre - k next year ! ! Oh my goodness ! ! Just crazy ! ! ( And , in 10 days this momma will be 21 ! ! Woo Woo ! ! ! ) Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this :
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I know that it may seem silly to say this to you right now . You 're probably puzzling over what this could possibly mean . Why would I choose this moment in time to say this to you ? You 're perfectly healthy . We 're the strongest in our relationship that we 've ever been . There have been no threats of separation . No diagnosis of disease . Yet here I am letting you know that I have let go of you nonetheless , because I need to . You know that I 'm a worrier . There isn 't a moment when you 're not with me that I 'm not worrying about what 's happening to you . Are you sick and we don 't know it ? Are you safe ? Are you paying attention when you 're driving ? Are others watching out for you ? Has someone pulled a knife on you ? A gun ? Threatened you ? Hit you ? Hurt you ? So many times I have thought about what would happen if I lost you . I can never imagine this world without you . I can picture myself curling up and dying right along with you were you not to make it home to me someday . I always think that if I did not die , too , I would just shut down . Never get up again . Stop functioning at a normal human level . Cease to think , reason , or even move . I admit that I 'm co - dependent . I rely on you . You cook because you know I hate cooking . You always put gas in my car because you know I hate doing that , too . You pay the bills . You drive the kids around . You spoil me as much as our finances will allow . I often start to wonder if I might be taking you for granted . Then I think , " No . I always appreciate all that you do , I just don 't tell you enough how much it means to me . " After 11 years together , I continue to look at you with stars in my eyes and butterflies in my stomach . I will watch you singing on stage , or working , or teaching , and think , " Wow . That 's my man . " Then this feeling of overwhelming need will wash over me . I don 't know what it is about those times that I can 't have you that make me desire you even more , but for some reason , it happens . Yet I 've been taught the evils of lust . So I have wondered , " Is it okay to lust after your own husband ? " Surely that 's an exception , right ? Then I realized that my desire is not always purely physical . I sometimes feel a need just to be near you . Simply touch you . Just hear your voice . Know that your heart still beats . Feel your aliveness . My love for you had crossed the line into unhealthy obsession . I knew it , and God knew it . As I looked at you on stage again today , and thought , " Look at that guy . He 's amazing , and he 's all mine ! " I heard that still small voice tell me , " He is not yours to keep . " You see , it all came to an end for me today . The fear of losing you . The fear of what the future holds . The fear that you will be gone from this world someday , it 's just a matter of when and where . I know that we aren 't promised tomorrow , but if something were to happen to you before the next sunrise , I now believe that I could make it through . Yes I would still mourn . I would hurt . The pain would likely stay with me for longer than I care to even think about . But I would be okay . I would survive it . I would press on ; because you don 't belong to me . Your life isn 't mine to hold on to . You are simply a loan that will need to be repaid someday , and when collection day comes , I will still be able to stand because you were never truly mine to begin with . Now , there 's no big fuss made over a 39th birthday . It isn 't even a milestone event in one 's life . Next year , however , the big 4 - 0 will hop up and bite me in the backside like a snake that 's been hiding in the tall , overgrown grass of my life . I look toward this event with trepidation . I guess the approach of what society has deemed to be the " over - the - hill " mark , rendering my last official year of youth as methodically ticking away , has caused me to really start reflecting back on my life . Replaying the mistakes that I 've made . Weeding through the " what ifs " . Gritting my teeth against the " could - have - done - betters " . I 'm a dweller . I try not to be , and the Christian crowd will tell me that I shouldn 't be , but I 'm just so very human . I think that mulling things over again and again and reworking them in my mind is probably in my blood . I can agree , though , that without God in my life now , I would have completely reverted back into my head and might otherwise be found drooling in a corner somewhere rocking and mumbling to myself . Clinging to faith and hope keeps me upright . Fresh out of high school , I viewed the world as my playground and had very little determination to seize any kind of future for myself . I entered one scholarship contest to an art school that I was mildly interested in , but when I showed up with portfolio in hand , I took a look around at the other 300 applicants and their work , and was instantly discouraged . I packed up and left that day thinking much less of myself than I had when I woke up that morning . Afraid and unsure of my abilities from that point forward , the portfolio found its way into the back of my closet , thus closing the doors on any further attempts to try to be somebody and make a career stem from my talents . I never looked back again . Instead I gave in to the calling of my social life , got a little apartment above a house lived in by the woman renting the place , and held killer parties . I figured maybe the parties were getting out of hand when people were vomiting out the windows onto her car below . She was understanding enough , though , and gave me the opportunity to stay as long as I toned it down . Soon after , the roommate moved out , the boyfriend moved in , and I did behave ; as much as a young single girl shacked up with her boyfriend possibly could , and for a while , at least . I traded one boyfriend in for another when that one enlisted in the military . He was a good guy , but I was wild , free , and simply didn 't want to wait for him . So out went the old , and in came the new . With the new , I fell instantly head over heels . Or so I thought . Reflecting on it now , I had no concept of what love really was back then . Then the bad break - up happened and I ran from my hurt . I packed up my apartment , quit my job , stuffed anything that wouldn 't fit in my car into my parents ' basement , and took off to a place 8 hours north of home to escape seeing him . I had met some people there the summer before , and my grandpa had a cabin there that I broke into once I arrived . It was quickly discovered that I was staying there , though , and I was tossed out on my bad decision making backside . I got my old job back . The boyfriend and I got back together . I became pregnant at 21 , and we got married to the urgings of family members to " do the right thing . " At the ripe old age of 23 I was a divorcée that was looking for love in all the wrong places to try and ease my pain . I traveled in all the wrong circles and spent nights with forgettable men . Some of them so forgettable , in fact , that I couldn 't even be bothered to learn their names to begin with . I also had 2 abortions under my belt by this time . I wasn 't a Christian then , and in my panicked worldly ways and unwillingness to change , I did then what is now the unthinkable to me . Those uncaring and heartless murders have slowly gnawed away at me like a flesh eating disease for all of the years since . Anytime that word is even mentioned around me , it becomes a knife stabbing at my heart all over again . So , age 27 found me deeply wounded by my own choices , with 2 different children by 2 different fathers , desperately trying to find a way out of the nightmare relationship that I was in . I tried the direct " get out " approach to no avail . He used the fact that I now had his child as an excuse to drag out the misery for both of us . Once again I sought ways to drown my sorrows , this time settling on church and video games . I found God to the tune of the alcoholic 's snide , ridiculing comments , and I also found a virtual reality world where , for a while every night , I didn 't have to be me . I could forget how low my life had sunk . It was through those online games that I finally found my current husband and rescuing hero , and how I coincidently was able to finally end the relationship I was in . He didn 't stick around long once I was finally able to profess my love for another . He then decided to deny our son out of his anger toward me . My husband has since stepped into the role as daddy , though , so my son 's biological father denying him hasn 't really affected him much . Yet . At 28 I married him on a cold January day to the joyous melody of everyone telling us that we were wrong . " It 's too soon . You barely even know each other , " they would say . The courtship started with his first pixelated words to me across my computer screen in September , ( ' happy birthday ' , coincidentally ) and spanned over 4 months of nightly phone calls , webcam chats , and 2 visits in person . By the beginning of December , I was shopping for a wedding dress . Maybe we didn 't know each other completely yet , but we had the rest of our lives to get to that point . We knew it was right , and that 's all that mattered . That marriage brought with it 3 young step - children . I admittedly haven 't always been the nicest person as far as they 've been concerned . I couldn 't really pinpoint why , though . Likely petty jealousy over the attentions of my husband . I saw him as this treasure that I wanted to keep all to myself , and I didn 't realize for the first half of our marriage that I couldn 't . His youngest is very needy , too , when it comes to her father , so I 've had to really struggle to work through my sharing issues . I 've tried to mend my relationships with them , with some success . They essentially tolerate me now , and the youngest one is even loving toward me , though she 'll argue with me ceaselessly over anything that I ask her to do . I think sometimes that it 's her way of showing animosity toward me brought about by past hurts , but then I realize that it just comes with the territory when you have teenagers . At age 35 , I almost lost him . We were so heavy into our online gaming addiction that we had fallen away from church , and each other . In our emotional separation due to distraction , I regrettably strayed . He gave me a choice to leave or stay . I stayed , and it took hard work on both of our parts to make our marriage fully functional again . Counseling . Church . New friends that were good for us . Turning away from our addiction and turning to God . I 've made so many mistakes in my lifetime thus far . Lord knows I have . They weigh on me like chains draped across my shoulders at times . Sometimes I think to myself , " You never went far . You never made a name for yourself . You really have nothing to show for your life but a barrage of bad choices . That 's your legacy . So that brings us to the here and now . Time isn 't stopping , and it certainly isn 't slowing down . I am older and I am wiser , but my life will likely never be mistake free . I 'll keep on making them , but they 've at least been getting noticeably smaller over the years . Where do I even begin with the hopes and dreams that I have for your future ? There are just so many things that I 'd wish for your life ; paths that I 'd choose for you , if I were allowed to . Your life is your own , however , and though there may be rules and guidelines for you to follow now in an effort to steer you in the right direction , soon all I 'll be able to offer you is motherly advice . It will then be your choice to either heed or ignore it . So as far as hopes go , I 'll start with the hope that you can one day see the beauty that lies in forgiveness . Finding the ability to forgive has been a huge struggle that you 've faced for a while now . Let go of your anger toward others . You 'll love how free it will make you feel . Always remember that people are just that ; people . Imperfect beings . They will screw up . Try not to hold anyone to a higher standard than you would hold yourself . You don 't want to become a bitter , lonely woman someday because you have placed excessively high expectations on others , and are unable to forgive them when they can 't meet those expectations . There 's a saying that goes , " Bitterness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die . " This is very true . It will only hurt you if you can 't learn to let it go . I 'd hate to see you leave nothing but a slew of failed relationships behind you because you 're unable to finally see what it means to forgive . I also hope you dare to dream , but hope you never have that dream where you 're standing in the high school hallway naked while the other kids laugh and point . That 's a terrible dream . Yeah , don 't have that . Dream good dreams instead and focus them into your artwork . You 're an amazing artist already , and I 'm in awe of your extraordinary imagination . You can do great things and go far with your God - given talent . Speaking of God , and I know you 'll probably just roll your eyes at what 's to come so I 'll try not to draw it out … I hope you 'll one day turn to God and seek a relationship with Him . Desire His will for your life and know that He 's genuinely there for you and wants to bless you . I know that several " Christians " have hurt you in the past and have proven to be terrible examples of His love and compassion . Now you don 't want to even consider a relationship with God because you 're afraid that every move you 'd make as a believer would cause you to be thrown under a microscope and judged , so you 've turned away from faith completely . This all goes back to forgiveness , though , and how people are just people . The ones that point fingers are no better than anyone else . Remember that . It 's not about them , anyway . It 's about you and Him . God himself is not a bad dude , he 's just misunderstood . I 'm not going to go on to tell you that I hope you find someone … a partner in life that makes you happy . Happiness lies within you , and no single person on this earth can give that to you . I do , however , hope that you find someone that treats you with the respect that you deserve . You 're beautiful , inside and out . I 'm aware that you know it , now , but I hope that no one ever crosses your path that makes you forget it . Never settle , either . Your perfect guy is out there , and he 'll be worth waiting for . Remember what I said about forgiveness when you do find him . You 'll need that to make it work . At the same time , though , don 't allow yourself to become someone else 's punching bag , either physical or emotional . Learn where to draw the line . Never ever accept abuse as a way of life . Last but not least , I hope you strive to be something more than I was . Advance your career . Make something of yourself . Never give up . More importantly , though , if you don 't happen to achieve all that you have planned , don 't allow yourself to be filled with regret . Try not to dwell on the " what ifs " like I have done . They 'll just tear you apart . Do you remember the 6 years that I left you from the ages of 6 to 12 ? Yeah , so do I . I doubt I 'll ever forget . Your dad and I both wanted you . We always have . You weren 't some possession that I could just keep in my pocket , though , and the judge said that you were better off staying where you were , with him . I left anyway . You were in good hands . They just weren 't my hands . I 'm not sorry for that pivotal turning point in my life . I can 't apologize for the choice that I made to follow my heart . I am loved more than I ever could have dreamed . I 've found the other half that makes me whole . I will , however , always regret that we couldn 't be together during that time because , while I may have found one piece of my heart , I left another behind with you . I 'd call you during that time we were apart , and we would sing " You Are My Sunshine " together over the phone . Remember ? We may not sing together anymore , but we talk now , and it 's nice , those heart to hearts . Mother daughter bonding chats . It can 't make up for the time that we lost , but I enjoy our close relationship now more than you 'll ever know . You 're still , and always will be the sunshine that brightens my life . I 'm pleased to see that you have finally grown into your own person . I have to admit that when you were younger , you simply , and blindly , followed the pack . What the crowd did , you did . How the crowd dressed , you dressed . What the crowd liked , you liked . Now , you 've developed your own sense of style . You have your own likes and dislikes . You form your own opinions and have developed your own personality . You have become you . While I cradled you in my arms as a baby , I daydreamed of who and what you would become . Where would your life lead you ? I can honestly say that while you may not fit the exact profile of the future daughter I had created in my head then , you 're even better . You 've grown to be even more beautiful , funny , talented , and loving than I had dreamed . You 've become a young woman that I am very proud to call daughter . My pride and love for you will always be there . You 've already done things that have left me disappointed in you and there will likely be more as time goes on . We 're all human beings , though . We 've all made mistakes . Lord knows I 've made my fair share . For me to hold yours against you would make me hypocritical at best , and not fit to call myself a mother at worst . My love for you is unconditional . There 's nothing on this earth that you could do that would make me stop loving you . Yes , you will make bad decisions , and you will fall . I won 't always be there to catch you , either . You 'll be 17 in 3 short months , and then , before you know it , you 'll be out in this vast world seeking your own adventures and riding the wind in whatever direction it takes you . Unfortunately , though , life doesn 't come with bumper pads , like the Winnie the Pooh ones that used to line your crib . I hope that you 'll always be able to pick yourself up and dust yourself off when life knocks you down . That 's how we become stronger . That 's how we build character . When you do fall , please try not to stay down for too long . We 're not guaranteed tomorrow , so make the most of today . I 'm health 's biggest joke . Health laughs , points , and torments me like a bully in the schoolyard . Health sticks my head in the toilet from time to time and gives me crap caked swirlies . I , in turn , hang my stinky head in shame and retreat back into my eternally warped mind . Marilyn Monroe had it , I think . What I would consider to be a true , attainable picture of health and beauty . She was not rail thin . She had hips . She had curves . She gave J - Lo 's infamous backside a run for its money . She was , and still is , a beauty icon that women compare themselves too . She would , however , be considered obese by today 's ever shrinking standard of " healthy " . I don 't want , nor will I ever want , to be a size zero . I think about a 6 is sufficient . We won 't discuss what size I really am , though , or how far I 'd have to go to get there … Sure , I could fix it . I have before . In all honesty , though , I have absolutely zero ambition to get me started , and , well … I like food … a lot … I also have more important things that need repairing inside before the repairing can start outside . I consider myself the equivalent of a " fixer upper " sitting up on blocks in some redneck 's yard in the trailer park of life . Nothing fancy like a Mercedes . No , more like a rusty El Camino . Sure , some body work and a coat of paint would do wonders for the outside , but she aint goin ' nowhere if the transmission 's shot , Jim Bob . I 've officially been broken for 16 years now . Something in my head snapped like a dried twig at the ripe old age of 22 . I was 4 months pregnant with my daughter , when poof … the anxiety fairy came down on her crappy little cloud and sprinkled magic crazy dust over my frontal lobe . I should have ripped the little witch 's wings off . After years of trying different medications and " highly recommended " self - help books , all the king 's horses , and all the king 's therapists haven 't been able to put me back together again . I doubt they ever will . Some of the pieces have gotten lost along the way . You 've gotta love the Christian crowd , too . " Just pray it away , " seems to be the ultimate answer . " Give it to God , He 'll fix it " or there 's my all - time favorite , " You must not truly have faith in God or you 'd be healed by now . " It 's not that I entirely disbelieve them , either . I know God can fix anything that He wants to . I do believe , however , that there 's a part of me that wants to be the way I am , and won 't let Him . I 've wrapped my OCD around me like a security blanket , and I 'm not sure I 'd really want to meet the me I 'd be without it . So , instead of letting my emotional blankie go so that I can begin the process of growing up , I 'll just pop my proverbial thumb back into my mouth and hold it tighter . Just try and take it away from me . I dare you . I 'll scream . I used to blame my parents for the way that I am . They dabbled in prejudices the way that an alcoholic dabbles in whiskey . The term " lowlife " got tossed around like a football at Cowboy Stadium . That lowlife stigmata has haunted me so much over the course of my lifetime , that I honestly don 't know what genuinely qualifies anymore . All I know is that I still bend over backward to this day not to become one of those people . In reality , though , I bet those people are genuinely happy . My parent 's never were . Still aren 't . They also sculpted my guilt the way that Michelangelo painstakingly sculpted David . I didn 't turn out to be a great masterpiece , though . " Just look at what we do for you and you won 't do this for us ? " I was apparently the poster child for ungrateful and unappreciative . Thank you was never enough . Hours upon hours of household service were never enough . Blood , sweat and tears were never enough . I was never enough . Never going to be enough . Never would amount to anything . Still haven 't amounted to anything . Always point out my flaws . Never focus on my strengths . I do have strengths , I know I do . Don 't I ? I did what you asked , why is it not good enough ? Will you praise me now ? No ? I forgot something ? Didn 't do it right ? Missed a spot ? Sorry . Are you proud of me , anyway ? Be proud of me , no matter what . Accept my flaws . Tell me I 'm good enough . Love me . Say it . Well , mom says it … now . She does . Never used to when it counted , though . When I needed it . Dad ? Once a year if I 'm lucky . Formative years ? Yeah right . There 's a joke . I know I 'm not a Mercedes , mom and dad . I turned out to be an El Camino . Love me anyway . TELL ME . Let me out of this cage of worthlessness . Break … this … cycle … It will go on . I 'll likely ruin my kids now with my OCD . They 'll need extensive therapy because of me . I 'll have to make amends with that someday . Face them when they tell me that I 've destroyed their lives . Pay for their therapy and try to fix them . Darned if they won 't know that I love them and I 'm proud of them , though , no matter how much they screw up , make the wrong choices , or disappoint me . I will love them , and they will know . Blame . In the end , that 's all it is . Blame that I can 't place on anyone but myself anymore . If I 'm going to point fingers , I might as well aim them right back at me . My husband always talks about a wonderful thing called the " age of accountability " . That 's when , sometime early in the teen years , one starts to know the difference between right and wrong and becomes ultimately responsible for the choices they make . I 'm well past that age . My choices are my own now . I can 't play the blame game anymore . I have the power to stop this . I can 't say I 've lost all hope in getting better eventually . I 've taken baby steps over the years . I can leave the house to go to work now . I wasn 't able to before . I don 't vacuum 3 or 4 times a day like before , either . I 've even been known to skip it for a day from time to time . It 's hard to do . The anxiety punches me in the face , but I fight through it . Baby steps aren 't enough , though . I can 't lead a normal life on baby steps . I can 't be considered healthy on baby steps . I 've all but driven my husband nuts . I think he has depression now because of me . Good going . We can just add that to my ever growing list of screw - ups . You 're on a long flight , and a palm reader sitting next to you insists she reads your palm . You hesitate , but agree . What does she tell you ? I 'm nothing short of bursting at the seams with excitement as I sit and wait as patiently as one with " ants in their pants " could possibly wait . I chatter continuously at my husband , as has always been my custom when I 'm filled with sheer elation at the prospect of a joyous event that has finally been set in motion . He responds by playing the latest game that he 's downloaded to his cell phone , never bothering to glance in my direction , but often throwing in the occasional " uh huh " or " me too , dear " as I ramble on , as has become his custom over the years . I don 't allow his lack of interest to tarnish the silver lining surrounding the cloud on which I 'm currently riding . I 've been looking forward to this trip for far too long , and nothing can curb my highly elevated enthusiasm at this point . It has always been a dream of ours to visit Ireland . So much so , that it 's one of the 3 things that I can now contentedly cross off my miniscule bucket list . I have yet to find buried treasure or learn to drive a stick - shift automobile . I likely never will . I consider this for a moment . Well , 1 out of 3 isn 't terrible , I muse , and I 'm about to embark on an adventure of such epic proportions that the other 2 list options can just fade off into oblivion as far as I 'm concerned . Ah , Ireland . The rolling hills , the beautiful countryside , the sheep in the fields , the castles , the food … oh my goodness , the incredible Irish dishes , yes please ! The quaint little pubs with local elderly gentlemen regaling visiting foreign folk with fantastically spun tales of wild Irish youth and love gone by , in thick Gaelic accents . I want to drink in the sweet nectar of all this and more . The calling of the first class passengers and those needing special assistance snaps me back to reality from somewhere inside my grand daydream . " I still can 't believe it 's finally happening ! " I exclaim to my husband for quite possibly the 50th time today . He just smiles and nods as he continues to busily work his fingers over his phone screen . The kids are finally grown and gone , and we celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary in January . We 've had our hardships over the years , but we made it through all of them and we deserve this special treat to celebrate how far we 've come . To celebrate us . We 've managed to painstakingly pinch every last penny until Lincoln screams in pain to make this trip possible . I lean over and give my husband a peck on the cheek , before resting my head on his shoulder for a moment . He presses his cheek against the top of my head . I 'm proud of us both for finally turning this amazing dream into reality . I check the time on my phone and fidget in my seat , before deciding to make sure that my passport , I . D . , and boarding pass are at the ready for the thousandth time today as I wait for our seat assignments to be called . It 's hard to say if this newfound ritual is compliments of my OCD , or the adrenaline fueled excitement that I 'm currently running on . Likely a little bit of both , I surmise . They finally get around to calling rows 20 through 25 . I nudge my husband with my elbow and say , " that 's us . " We proceed to gather up our belongings and head toward the quickly lengthening boarding line . We make our way down the long gangway , my husband whistling a Christmas tune the entire way as has been his habit for the 20 years that we 've now been married . It 's July . I stopped bothering to point this fact out to him years ago , and now I just smile and shake my head . We inch our way toward the back of the aircraft from among the throng of inconsiderate individuals stopping in the middle of the aisle to fight with overhead bins or argue with other passengers and flight attendants over confused seat assignments . I can see frustration growing on my husband 's face as we shuffle along . Finally , we arrive at seats 24 B and C . I feel a little pang of sadness as I realize that neither of them are a window seat . Ah , well , you get what you pay for I suppose , and we did our best to cut traveling expenses as much as possible so that we could fully enjoy our 2 weeks exploring the lush green land for which we are about to embark . I hand my carry on over to my husband , and he makes quick work of shoving it into the overhead compartment , before we settle into our seats . My husband has Closterphobia issues , so I know he 'll want to sit in the aisle seat . He always does in crowded places . So I grab the middle seat and proceed to try and get as comfortable as possible , not really paying much attention to the person that already occupies the window seat . I barely get myself situated before I hear a strong , cheerful , feminine voice from my left announce , " Hi , I 'm Anna . " This boisterous greeting is accompanied by a slim fingered hand boasting pale pink polished nails and 3 over - sized silver cocktail rings extended in front of me . I turn slightly in my seat so that I may comfortably surrender my right hand in acceptance of her handshake . We make eye contact for a moment and I take in Anna 's friendly features while quickly looking her over . She 's perhaps 50 , Caucasian , taller than I by a good 6 inches , and fit . Her long , frizzy , grayish blond waves are held back from her face by a pink , orange , and black oriental flowered silk scarf wrapped around her head and tied at the nape of her neck . She has a wide pink - lipped smile accompanied by a beautiful set of large , dark grey eyes with soft creases gently nipping at the corners . I take note of her clothing ; a bright pink tank top under a thin white cotton off - the - shoulder shirt , with small pink , orange , and yellow flowers embroidered along the neckline . This was tucked into a matching , floor length , gypsy - style skirt held securely around her waist by a tied woven hemp belt . She had kicked off her silver - beaded leather sandals that are now shoved partially under the seat in front of her , and I can just barely make out her perfectly pedicured and pale pink polished toes peeking out from under her the hem of her skirt . In truth , she looks somewhat like she just stepped out of the 1970 's . I smile and introduce myself in return . I then point to my husband next to me , and introduce him as well . He leans over me and offers a hand for her to shake . After the proper introductions have been made , I point to her skirt and tell her , " My daughter would absolutely love your outfit . " She flashes her brilliant smile once again and says , " Your daughter sounds like my kind of girl . " The next words out of her mouth admittedly catch me off - guard . " You 're very short , " she proclaims . " Excuse me ? " I say . While this is an all too true observation , I 've yet to have a practical stranger make that assessment so boldly . I wasn 't quite sure I had even heard her right . She laughs off the expression of shock that must be noticeably written on my face . " I mean your life line ; I was noticing that it 's quite short and shallow . " She must have then noticed my expression change to concern because she goes on to quickly add , " Oh no , no . It 's nothing to be concerned about . It doesn 't mean that you have a shortened life - span ; it simply means that you have a tendency to be controlled by people and situations . " She extends her hand once again , palm side up , and says , " Here , let me see your hand . I 'd be happy to give you a full reading … " She had misread my cause for concern . The words , " Oh , no thank you , I don 't … " barely escape my lips before my husband , who had , to my surprise , been listening to the exchange over his phone follies , interjects with , " We 're Christians . We don 't have anything to do with astrology or palm reading or any of that sort of thing . " That 's it . The conversation has been called to an abrupt halt . I could read a lot into her tone and half smirk though , which said , " I 've dealt with you closed minded freaks before , and I 'm not about to travel this road again . " I look at my husband . He peeks over my head at Anna leaning her forehead against the window , now quietly and rather quickly engrossed in her novel . He then looks back at me and shrugs as he shakes his head no . I knew exactly what he was thinking . Though my husband has been known to dive into a religious debate with all of the passion and fervor of an Olympic gold medalist , he wouldn 't be pressing Anna in further conversation . It was clear that she stood firm in her convictions and had closed off any further exchanges at that point . My husband and I both knew that pressing people that were not at all open to hearing what you had to say would just push them further away from wanting anything to do with God and those that serve Him . I close my eyes and lean my head back . It 's going to be a long flight . I silently say a prayer for our safety during this flight , and for Anna . May she have a life filled with peace and perhaps , someday , be receptive enough to at least listen to a Christian point of view . Note from the author : This story is completely fictional but has several truthful ideals and undertones . Though I understood that the point of this prompt was to accept the offer a palm reading and write about what my future may hold therein , for certain obvious reasons , I could not . I chose to take my story in a different direction , and I hope that those of you that are spiritual and non - spiritual alike are still able to enjoy my story and accept it … open mindedly . Rate this : daily prompt , daydream , Food for thought , future , God , Husband , Ireland , Marriage , Online Writing , Recreation , Religion and Spirituality , short stories , Travel , writing 6 Comments 27Jun2013 Vengeance is … Who 's ? Posted in Food For Thought , Life , Spirituality by My OCD Diaries As is human nature , our carnal mindset tends to kick into overdrive when we we 've been hurt , angered , disgusted , or any other very human emotional response that 's powerful enough to completely override our impulse control . That 's usually about the time all rational thought goes out the window and is replaced by something that to us , a society of intelligent creatures with the ability to reason has been ingrained into our flawed , sinful characters since Cain first spilled his brother 's blood on that ancient patch of soil … Revenge . An eye for an eye . You 've wronged me in some way , committed some heinous act that I 've decided deserves retribution , so now I must repay what you 've done … with interest . You see it everywhere in the media , can barely turn a channel on the T . V , hear or song on the radio , or munch a bucket of popcorn in a crowded theater without touching on the highly publicized , worldly ideal that evil should be returned for evil … tenfold . Now , If you 've learned anything about God in your lifetime , whether you choose to be a believer or not , you 've likely heard some of the more popular biblical principles that he 's imparted to us for the sake of leading us down the correct path in this crazy little thing called ' life ' ; the path of righteousness and salvation . The bible , or ' basic instructions before leaving earth ' imparts these bits of Godly wisdom to us not to be cruel , or keep us from enjoying the life that we have been given , but because God , our Heavenly Father , has our best interest at heart . He created us , and in His image no less , so why would He wish for us to indulge in things that will cause us harm ? I 've never seen a parent watch their toddler lean over a hot stove and say , " Go ahead . Touch it , because I can see that you really want to . " Those parents would want to remove their child from the danger , and in much the same way , God put rules into place to keep us safe . I had never given this command much thought up until this point . Now don 't get me wrong , I followed it , but I followed it blindly . I had always just shrugged it off and thought nothing more of it other than that it was just God 's way of telling us to put our complete trust in Him . A test of faith . He 's got this , count on him to take care of it , and go about your business . While having faith and giving God control over difficult situations of course plays a huge part in this command , I realized that there 's a deeper reason for it , other than just pure faith . What 's that reason ? ONLY GOD KNOWS WHATS TRULY IN A MAN ' S HEART . A man once committed a crime . He claims to have been set up by someone with a vendetta against him , angered the wrong people , and happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time . Whether there 's truth to the accusations against him or he truly was falsely accused and is an innocent man , though , is neither here nor there . He 's served his sentence , paid for this crime , and is going about his daily life . Working his job , supporting his family , and basically , minding his own business . There have been no further accusations against him since this one past offense . My point in all this is that it 's not up to us to judge what 's in a man 's heart and take matters into our own hands . God knows what 's in our hearts better than even we do , and only He knows if that man ( or woman as the case may be ) , has truly repented and is trying to never repeat the same act of sin . It 's not our place to launch some hate - fueled vigilante justice crusade . You can try to convince yourself that your intentions are nothing but admirable , and say that you have the best interest of others at heart as you label your vengeance as an act of societal compassion , but God sees into the hearts of men , and He knows what 's in yours as well . Just because it looks like a cow and moos like a cow , He can smell when it 's a load of bull . You likely have no idea what 's really happening in the heart of the person that you 've become hell - bent on destroying . Once you do exact your revenge on that person , the consequences and repercussions are likely to cause a wave of destruction , not just for them , but for you as well , and others caught in the path of your tornado of irrational action . God 's trying to stop you from wandering off the path that He 's laid out before you , because there are thorns to both sides . Don 't touch that hot stove of revenge and regret . Vengeance is HIS , and with good reason . It 's not a toy . We 're not meant to play with it .
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Caution . . . Futuristic Specualtion & Musing Since I am currently unemployed for the summer I have had copious free time to do some reading . After reading most of an online article about the end of oil I became somewhat interested in learning more . So I went to my local library … . Currently I am reading a sci - fi book by James Howard Kunstler , " World Made By Han " It is considered fiction but gives a pretty good picture , I think , of what society would probably be like once we really do run out of oil and if there are disturbances based on environmental change and disease . Things are pretty much back to local , agrarian life . Some thugs salvage the town dump , there is no organized gov . or law enforcement , and a wealthy local farmer hires a bunch of people who live on and work his land in return for food and shelter . Not to sound negative and apocalyptic but it got me to thinking . . . what can I do to prepare . . . how would I survive ? I was reminded of how in college some friends and I used to joke the SCA would take over the world . . . but maybe its not so much of a joke after all . It got me to thinking how much of everything I use and take for granted every day in my life is tied to oil . Almost everything . I have none of the survival skills my great grandmother had 100 years ago . My grandmother grew up in the late 40 's an 50 's in a house with no running water and no electricity . My great gram caned all their veggies and fruits right there from the farm on a wood fired stove . She and had a huge organic garden . My great gramps plowed and hayed the fields with a team of draft horses because he didn 't trust cars . The family land was also used for lumber and maple sugar . There are even the remains of an old saw mill on sight . They were pretty much self sufficient . My great gram even did the laundry for nine children in a wash tub with a scrub board . . . not saying I 'd want to do that but still . . . she was a hearty woman . I deeply regret that I was born too late to have really gotten to know her or , even more so , learn some of these skil ( Comment on this ) Monday , March 10th , 20088 : 52 pm Quick , a teacher is coming ! When you hear the phrase , " quick a teacher 's coming ! " uttered by a group of students it is usually an indicator that you should investigate . While on my way back from lunch break I encountered the fifth and sixth grade clustered outside because there was still a teachers meeting in their room . To pass the time they decide to throw each others things and leftover lunch over the porch railing and take turns jumping over said railing to retrieve them even though they weren 't wearing shoes . Gotta give them points for creativity . As a staff member i was obliged to break up said gathering and herd them all into the 3 / 4 room until the end of the meeting . While in aftercare I was treated to another stunning performance of the armpit chorus . A creative trio of boys between ages six and 10 entertained me with their rendition of pink panther and some bits of Beethoven . As it was after school hours I permitted such rudeness that otherwise is not allowed . . . it was too funny . The one who takes violin lessons was even trying to figure out if they could make actual notes . . . Its moments like this that I 'll miss . We have been doing academic rotations in which I lead small groups with literacy , spelling and writing . So fun ! Did forget how to explain what a suffix was today though . Dropped the ball on that one . Otherwise it has been very rewarding working with the small groups . But without the stress of putting together lesson plans . In other news , planning a pub night this Saturday at http : / / ceilidhhouse . net / for my birthday ( which is this wed . ) and St . Patrick 's day . I just finished watching the movie " Once " the song that won the oscar is from this movie . It was more like an album with pictures than a movie , but I really like the falling slowly song . Current Mood : happy No business like show business Just got back from the second night of my church 's production of the musical " Tobit " , from the book of Tobit , found in the apocrypha of the Catholic bible . It was written by a priest who started out as a stage actor before committing to a life of the cloth . It was inspired by Godspell and Fiddler . It tells the story of Tobit , ( obviously ) who goes blind in a rather comical way and his son 's ensuing journey to retrieve the family fortune . It is a pretty funny show but also has some touching moments and the cast really carries the show well . Which we didn 't think would happen because things looked rather grim up until the dress rehearsals when everything came together . It has been a crazy week with work and dress rehearsals but I really had a good time . My main responsibility is props and scene changes with the other thechies . We all dance in the wings during the final song with all the halleluiahs . So fun ! I had forgotten how much I really liked being part of the theater . Originally I wanted to do costumes , which I was more familiar but it was fun to learn something new . I almost wish this could be my real job ! ! As they say , ' No business like show business ' hehe . . . Also it has been nice getting to know some people from the church . All ages are helping with and in the show . Proceeds got to benefit the youth group in a trip they are taking this summer . It sold out tonight ! The show went awesome ! I noticed it had a bit less energy in some places but I really don 't think it mattered . The crowd loved it and we had a blast . Only one matinee left . Kind of sad . What will I do with myself now that it 's over : ( Current Mood : accomplished Fleeing the nest . . . . and the state . So my brother dropped a bomb shell on us all . Apparently he is moving to Chicago with his girlfriend this Friday . I am rather surprised , but he is a big boy and can make his own choices . My mom though , is rather devastated . More because he has been planning this for a few months and didn 't say anything to her except to tell her this past weekend . Craziness . We have never been particularly close but I do hope he is ok . He will be living in Mexican neighborhood and he doesn 't really speak Spanish . I guess my mom feels like she is losing her only son , even though I don 't think he will stay out there . So now it 's just me and my little sis in the state of NH because my other sister is in Alabama . Listening to Todd Almond on the piano . I wish his CD would come back in stock . Anyone know where I can get a copy of " Try to hear , try to say " by Todd Almond ? In school today we made corn starch slime with water , also known as oblick for Science . The kids had a blast and he room was covered with the stuff . We had a marathon cleaning session in the last fifteen minutes of class and earned 12 marbles . ( That 's a lot for us ) . It was so crazy but also so fun ! Why would I want any other job ? Oh and I voted and found the right ward for the city . . . so exciting . Current Mood : pensive Dear Santa . . . Dear Santa , This year I 've been busy ! In August I helped jedilora hide a body ( - 173 points ) . In September I bought porn for hakerh ( - 10 points ) . In June I pulled crimsonazure 's hair ( - 5 points ) . Last Saturday I ruled Asscrackistan as a cruel and heartless dictator ( - 700 points ) . Last Monday I turned ladybugus in for tearing the tag off a mattress ( 3 points ) . Overall , I 've been naughty ( - 885 points ) . For Christmas I deserve a spanking ! Sincerely , theophinaWrite your letter to Santa ! Enter your LJ username : Haha , I like this one better ! ( Comment on this ) 12 : 45 pm HO HO HO Dear Santa . . . Dear Santa , This year I 've been busy ! In November I punched ladybugus in the arm ( - 10 points ) . In October I bought porn for jedilora ( - 10 points ) . In February I gave crimsonazure a Dutch Oven ( - 10 points ) . In July I stole hakerh 's purse ( - 30 points ) . Last Thursday I donated bone marrow to hakerh in a life - saving procedure ( 300 points ) . Overall , I 've been nice ( 240 points ) . For Christmas I deserve a toy train ! Sincerely , theophinaWrite your letter to Santa ! Enter your LJ username : No fair I wanted to rule Asscrackistan ! ! ! Current Mood : silly Christmas Pagents and such . . . . Just got back from the church Christmas pageant / Holiday concert . Nothing like the sound of a bunch of elementary students who just learned to play jingle bells on various instraments to get you in the holiday spirit . . . hehe . . . reminds me of playing my recorder back in the day . It was fun to see them do the Christmas story . While I flashed back to all my Christmas pageants . I think my favorite was when I got to be Mary . . . other than that I was usually stuck in the choir mouthing all the words . . . . ahh , fun times . Nearly fell down the very steep and high church steps on my way out . . . luckily there was only one other person around to see me . . . hehe . At work today as the kids finished getting ready to go home they were gathering to sit on the carpet in a closing circle . As we were sitting there waiting for the rest of the group somehow we started talking about Night at the Museum . We all then got involved in play by plays of our favorite scenes . . . it was quite comical and a good laugh was had by all . 13 more days till Christmas ! Current Mood : happy First Snow ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! and Happy Thanksgiving ! Its days like today that I am glad that I work in a charter school and with kids in general . It snowed about three or four inches today , starting right around the same time as school . There 's something about that excitement about the first snow that is contagious I remember it from when I was little . being the day before vacation we had a pretty light day so at morning recess I let the kid have a snowball fight , as long as they didn 't aim for the face . It was too funny ! At recess a bunch of kid made a huge snowman . It was just nice to see them all coming together and having such fun . Later in the day after we did some Creative Drama ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! yay ! the Kids loved it . I did a lot of it in college and its been a long time since I have done a real focused set of activities with a willing group . Last of the day was fort building in the woods , something we have been dong with the first and second class since the start of the fall . The kids had a blast . . . sliding down the hill on their butts . They made a huge snowball and rolled it down he hill to explode by the stone wall . This was one of those days where I was so glad to have my job in the type of school that I work at . Happy 12th to my little sis today ! ! off to my folks tomorrow to help with the Tofurky day prep ! ! Current Mood : grateful while the teacher is away . . . Halloween was such a let down , I only got about three groups of trick or treaters . I expected much more because we were in the city and there is aSchool right up the street . When I lived in Stratham we ran out of candy . I still had a huge bowl , even after leaving it on my steps unattended for an hour . . . hmmm . A friend called me up and invited me to their place so I went to check that out for a while , they had a cool haunted entrance way and yard . Their son even made one girl cry . . . . At school Halloween was much more fun . We all wore costumes after lunch and I got to showcase my new Elizabethan common woman garb for the first time . I was so proud to finally have finished . And it proves just as comfortable and serviceable as I had hoped . Bodices really do force you to have correct posture . . . it was so nice to go bra les . I wish I could wear bodices all the time . . . . hehe . . The kids thought it was cool , though they didn 't really know what an Elizabethan person was , but they did understand the idea that it was historical clothing . Our class did skits with our costume characters and then e did some spooky story telling and had a treat . Last of the day was the spook parade . . . . so fun ! Today I was the sub as the teacher was out sick . It was half expected and she leaves great lesson plans . But we were loosing two students today and as the classes are small to begin with this is a big dent in our community . It was an unexpected move for all and so the effects were being felt today . One of the boys leaving really gave me a run for my money because it was his last day he was like , why should I listen to you or do anything you say … His brother , also leaving with him was so good . The morning was great but the afternoon was atrocious . Compared to my old job it was nothing I couldn 't handle and the teacher next door and the office staff were helping too . But gosh . . . I 'm still glad I 'm not the official " teacher " . The afternoon was loud and crazy and I realized that I could have done a few little things diff ( 1 Comment | Comment on this ) Tuesday , October 23rd , 20077 : 58 pm What Do You Have To Say ? - Fashion : On The Set Lord of the Rings Trlogy ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! All the way . I was really impressed with the quality of the props and costumes when I saw the traveling exhibit in Boston . ( Comment on this ) Saturday , October 13th , 20078 : 59 pm avoid Saturday walmart like the plauge I was reminded today why I try to avoid doing my shopping on the weekend . However my empty cupboards drove me to the grocery store . Since I was out and also needed a few household items I decided to stop by " you know which superstore " with the unbelievably low prices on stuff you need everyday like toilet paper and eye drops and other such stuff . . . . In my defense I had made a list prior to and did not deviate from said list ! ! ( Clapping & cheering from the crowd ) This is a big feat for me ! However while trying to purchase all my items I had to try and locate them , not get run over by crazed people driving shopping carts and not looking where they are going . Do people not realize its kind of the same as driving a car , there is a flow to the traffic . . . In addition I had to stave of the ADD and not look at the isles of candy and cool Halloween props . Almost ran over a kid who jumped into a shopping cart and bumped into an old lady who was standing right behind me but jus tout of my peripheral vission . . . very quiet like . Luckily she was friendly and we both just smiled and said excuse me . The frenzied , stressed out energy of the place is amazing . I swear there is , like , a vortex and it just sucks all the kindness and tolerance I have for my fellow man right out of my . I cannot make rational decisions . . . I just want to ram people with my shopping cart and run up and down the aisle screaming . . . . hehe . . . I don 't know how I ever handle Christmas . . . maybe its the Christmas spirit in the air . . hmmmm . . . . I did survive and I used my perfected technique of parking my cart on the side of the main isles . In aisles and then dodging and weaving my way through to get what I want . Then I don 't have to worry about steering the car through throngs of people not looking where they are going and blocking stuff . Coming out of those aisles , man though , . . . . like running into traffic during rush hour . . . excpet you can 't see around you . . . . need mirrors on them things or something . . . . at least I 'm stocked up for the ( Comment on this ) Friday , October 12th , 20078 : 51 pm Favorite Things Feeling a bit Julie Andrews . . . . hehe . . . The students have been working on their writing journals and I was inspired . I 'm also makeing a personal effort to feel less sorry for myself and have a more positive out . I have compiled a small list of things that I recently realized that I really like . . . and do may me happy . 1 . The smell of coffee brewing first thing in the morning . 2 . Looking out the window during the rain and feeling glad that I 'm not in it . 3 . The crisp fall air . 4 . Small moments of humor that I remember from my job at CMS . Like that Time J . was on a new diet for gluten allergy and we were working out what was ok and what not to eat and he told me " sorry Tiffany , but I can 't eat that broccoli , it has gluten in it . " 5 . makeing other 's laugh . 6 . Singing along to musicals . . . by myself of course . . hehe . Ok . . . enough of that . Also almost finished my Elizabethan common woman garb ! Huzzah ! Current Mood : contemplative Adult Life When I was in grade school I used to wonder what it was like to be a grown up . Great , I thought . I could stay up as late as I want . Buy the food that I want . There will be no end to the fun that I will have . I never imagined that the big excitement of my Friday night would be cleaning my bathroom and going grocery shopping . The past few times I have been to large super markets and super stores , such as say , Target I have more sympathy for my students with ADD . Be it the clever marketing or just the fact that my brain is fried from work but I have been completely unable to focus on the task at hand and find my eyes and attention flying all over the place . Made the deadly mistake of looking into the ice cream freezer , even though I swore that I wouldn 't . Honest ! I intended to be a good girl and just buy the bag of frozen vegetables on my list . But there it was . Seasonal Special on Eddy 's Pumpkin flavored ice cream . I stood there a good five minutes debating the decision but the ice cream finally won . I was also taken in by a box of little Debbie pumpkin delights and some pumpkin muffins in the bakery case . In my defense I also bought tofu , fresh veg and salad for my suppers this week . Along with some yummy cilantro pepper humus … mmmmm … I am such a sucker for seasonal items during the fall and holidays . Renn Faire in Keene tomorrow … Huzzah ! Alas , I did not finish my Elizabethan garb in time ( Comment on this ) Sunday , September 9th , 200711 : 10 am Relaxing Weekend Hanging around my parent 's house with my little sis . My other sister and my folks have successfully made it to Alabama . Apparently the apartment complex she lives in is wonderful , nice and clean , and the area is nice . I 'd love to try and visit her over one of the school vacations . Anyone have any frequent flyer miles I could barter for ? Alabama isn 't one of those places you usually think of when planing a vacation , but there must be something interesting down there , besides the obvious cultural differences . My parents will fly back tomorrow . In their absence . my sister and I have enjoyed a quiet weekend of video game binging , junk food and staying up late . . . hehe . . . what are older sisters for right ? The new job is wonderful . I start after school care this week but that is only for three days a week . The kids are all so wonderful . I just need to work on my confidence and trusting my instincts . This first week was more getting the lay of the land . Had a rather embarrassing moment when I was in the 5 - 6 room , supposed to help students with math . The teacher was going over the lesson and all the students are so much faster and better at math than me . Seriously ! I was just glad that I was helping with logic problems and not computations in my head . The teacher is trying to teach them a new way to practice doing sums in their heads instead of using algorithms , it really is neat . Where was this when I was learning math ? I have considered buying a work book or something , just to brush up . . . hehe . I feel much more useful in the 3 - 4 room in this department . . . hehe As the weeks go on I am sure I will figure out how I can assist the teachers and where I fit in . I will say as an aid it is a bit harder to get to know the students because I don 't work with them one to one like I did , but that will come . New horse is settling in and the chickens are somewhat bald with the fall molting . The cat decided to stay out in the thunderstorm yesterday . . . I could hear her desperate cries from under the house when I called her bu ( Comment on this ) Wednesday , August 29th , 20079 : 55 pm Grad School on Hold After a few days of gut wrenching , agonized decision making I have pretty much decided to hold off on grad school for a year and take a job I was offered at a charter school . It doesn 't have benefits or paid holidays / vacations but the director is going to see if some arrangement can be made with the board and the pay for when I am working is a little bit more than what I was making at CMS so it is my hope that I can put some aside to make up for those times . Once summer comes I 'll have to find something to tide me over , but the experience I will get will be worth it . The school is run in accordance with the Integrated Learning philosophy and all four of the teachers are Antioch alums . Go figure . I did go to the orientation Tuesday and sighed up for classes . The faculty and other students are wonderful . This is a great school and I still believe in the program . But my reservations at this point were more deeply personal . As I went through the day and tried to imagine being a teacher , running a class and fully realizing the shitty aspects as well as the wonderful about teaching I had some serious doubts as to if I was ready to commit tot his being my career . Since it is a rather expensive mistake to make if I end up with a career that I am not suited for and a master 's degree to pay off . I want to be in school and to be a teacher for the right reasons . The passion and excitement that was in my heart when I first applied is no longer there . I think it 's more than nerves that usually come with such a transition . Perhaps it 's having the summer off . Or realizing that what I really needed was to leave CMS . But I am putting school on hold until next fall . The job seems like a good way to gain more experience and hopefully rekindle the excitement and hope that I had about teaching but without the financial risk . When I think about taking the job I get a sense of peace . Maybe because I dodged the homework bullet ? But I will still be able to help students as an aid , and be part of a school that em ( Comment on this ) Saturday , August 25th , 200710 : 12 pm Contemplations Just got back from watching " Becoming Jane " it was really good , great garb ! I so want a 19thc . Dress ! ( and maybe a lover to boot . . hehe ) Though I fear I don 't have the figure . Still I have always wanted to try wearing a real corset , just to see what its like . I knew little about Jane Austin 's life and am now curious to read a biography about her to find out more . Of course I 've read and enjoy her novels , and those of you who have will notice little tid bits in the movie , though if you have just seen the movies I think you will still recognize the lines from the most famous works . of . . . ehem . . Colin Firth fame . On a personal note , I find myself at a crossroads . I got a call this week from the Surry Village Charter School . It is about 15 minutes from my house and pays well . Though it is just an aid position it is a wonderful school ! They embrace integrated learning , and have a wonderful , hands on , community based curriculum . I love the school ! I have an interview Monday . That then leaves me with grad school . The orientation for which is on Tuesday . Hmm . . . quite a choice . Two years spent in anticipation , preparing , applying , taking the GRE . My reservations at this stage are largely personal . Do I really want the stress and social responsibility of being a teacher ? Do I have the confidence and courage to give the students what they will need ? I refuse to become a teacher half ass . In hindsight what I really wanted was out of my old job . Now I have that with prospects of a better paying , better environment job . Or are my reservations due to my lack of experience as an educator and leader and just general fear that usually comes with such a transition ? Or is the universe trying to tell me something ? Am I squandering my talent and potential out of fear and a desire to keep my free time . Needless I 've been doing a lot of pacing and contemplating . I can defer enrollment to Antioch for up to a year . And if I did get the job at the school it would be a great experience and confidence builder , at no financial risk , b ( 1 Comment | Comment on this ) Monday , August 20th , 20078 : 29 pm Too much free time I sometimes amaze myself with my penchant for laziness . Without someplace to be or someone to meet I really do tend to flap in the wind . What I did today . 1 . Woke up to the lovely construction at 7am . 2 . Lazed in bed another hour . 3 . Had coffee and watched the Ellen show . . . yay ! 4 . Did abs exercises and Pilates . 5 . Took long walk on nature trail and around suburbs of city . 6 . Ate leftover Chinese . 7 . Channel surfed . . . finally settled on re runs of voyager that I had already seen but it was a preferred episode . 8 . Put old fifties chair on curb with free sign . ( I got an office chair to replace it , now regretting decision because the fifties chair was vintage but the legs were broken and it was uncomfortable ) still it was a gift from my mum when I graduated and first moved out and I feel like i slighted it somehow . . . anyhow . 9 . Laid around and listened to audio books . 10 . Took nap ( after such a strenuous day . . . . . hehe ) 11 . Went to target to get risotto . oogled all the popular fantasy books . . . made mental list of ones to borrow form library . 12 . Got back to apartment my chair was gone : ( 13 . Had a glass of wine and listened to depressing music by damine rice . 14 . Take shower , change to pjs . . . 15 . Sit on bed with laptop and for want of anything else , meditate and update live journal . sometimes I have way to much free time . . . . like today . I feel almost sinful with how much i actually enjoy wasting entire days . Think of all the productive , worthy things I could have been dong . Finishing that garb and scrap book . writing congress . . . It also sometimes unnerves me that I can go an entire day without really speaking to anyone , because I live alone . And how accustomed I get to having no one around . Lonely . Kind of creepy but its kind of easy to get lost in my own head on days like toady . Current Mood : bored Changeing Times I went to visit my old students at CMS today . It was so wonderful to be so warmly welcomed . I had received a phone message from one of the girls earlier in the week and I figured I should stop by before I started classes . Go figure they actually really missed me ! It was totally the encouragement I needed to proceed with getting my masters . To know that I really did make a difference for them . I listened to all the old songs with H . To the end of my days I will not be able to listen to " the chicken dance " without thinking of her and J . It was also nice to see some of the staff that I was friendly with . While it was nice to visit I am glad that I am no longer working there . I am 100 % happier ! I have been working the summer camp at the preschool where my mom works . The kids are so wonderful ! After the beasties that I was used to . I hadn 't realized how impaired the students I was working with were . I just become normal after working with people with disabilities for so long . I was amazed at how much 4 and 5 year olds can do and they couldn 't . Not just ADLs but socially and emotionally too . I asked these kids to clean up and they do it ! They do it ! Yes occasionally they need encouragement and reminders and they did test a bit . But it was nothing , nothing compared to my old job . It is so wonderful to have worked there . Even in the few weeks of being there I have absorbed a lot of useful information about the High scopes curriculum they follow . Of course being summer mostly we play , swim and go on hiked but when there is a disagreement it has been very useful to me to see how the teacher responds and see how the kids do as well . One of them this week asked me how old I was ( 26 for those of you who don 't know ) and then if that was old enough to be a grown up . I said yes . Then they responded " but you don 't look like a real grown up . " Not quit sure how to take that . I look young like my mom I know . It was too funny . One more week of camp and then two weeks until classes start . Yikes ! Having major panic attaSick of the US I just got back from seeing Michale Moore 's new movie " Sicko . " If you haven 't , go see it ! ! ! I have never been so outraged or disgusted with this country ! I 'm movieng to canada , or france or cuba . . . . Maybe we need a little french revolution to make the government give a shit about its citizens . So if I got really sick tomorrow , they can pretty much kick me out onto the street and they would , would , just let me die . . . God bless america . Anyone have any ideas . . . . ? ( 1 Comment | Comment on this ) Friday , July 6th , 200711 : 49 pm Reflective While on one of my customary walks I almost got caught in the rain . It was kind of fun . While I was still on the hiking path the wind picked up something fierce . Huge black clouds came rolling in . I managed to make it to the library before it really started in raining . While waiting for the rain to stop I read most of this awesome book about Women and War published by Women for women International , a non profit group funded and run all by women that helps women survivors of war to rebuild their communities and earn income and to heal . They also write letters to their sponsors in other countries . Its an awesome group ! The book had a great introduction by Alice Walker and some amazing stories of survival and rebuilding despite the most horrible things having happened to these women . Made me feel darn lucky to have everything I have . Do have to stop staying up until the wee small hours of the morning and sleeping until noon . . . but I love it so much . . . . . ( Comment on this )
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New ( and hopefully improved ) blog formerly known as One Yarn After Another . I took a while off to develop a Facebook page but have found I enjoy blogging more . So , I 'm back ! I hope you enjoy your visit . Thank goodness Christmas is over . . . Don 't you hate that after Christmas letdown ? ME TOO ! We didn 't really have a Christmas here . We moved . Who moves over Christmas ? ? ? ? I guess we do . It 's been a nightmare . Can I say FREAKING nightmare and not offend anyone ? Well , that 's what it has been . It rained here in Havasu for like six days STRAIGHT . It never does that . The water was running down the wash behind our new house . Not terrible but like a stream would be . Very unusual for here . You 'd have thought we were in the middle of the monsoon season and not winter . In some ways it is good it rained because we found where the leaks are - - yup . Leaks ! The roof in the back leaks and water came in somehow into the living room area . So , in the process of moving in we also have water coming into the house . One of the leaking areas the owners had disclosed because they had already repaired it once . I guess it didn 't work cuz it was leaking again ! Also , we had a nasty little sinkhole develop near the retaining wall . The sinkhole is actually larger now . It 's nearly three feet deep . We were worried it would wash away the retaining wall and then we would have a real problem . Fortunately , The Hubster thinks these are relatively easy fixes . He 's quite the Jack of All Trades . I tell ya , that man can do anything . Not as quickly as he used to he says but he eventually gets it done . The only crocheting I have accomplished was while stress dumping . I really needed it too . I made this lovely cowl using Tunisian crochet and Premier Yarn 's Festive ( I think it 's called but will have to double - check ) . It 's a lovely lovely gradient yarn . I 'm working on one using the grey and I have to tell you , I think it 's probably my favorite and I don 't even LIKE grey all that much . Sparky is also stressed and he 's having nothing to do with this moving business . The poor little fella really has had a hard time . Not so much with changing houses but with the whole " If you have your shoes on that means car ride so please , please take me . " He jumps all over you and goes just nuts if he thinks you are going without him . If you tell him , " You gotta stay and watch the house " then he jumps right into the window to sit guard until you get home . He 's become part of our family . I don 't know what we would do without him . He 's just Ken 's little buddy and shadows him everywhere . Well , that 's all my news here in Arizona . The only other thing I wanted to say is to Dorothy . She asked about the stitch I used in my last post . It 's called the Maeve stitch and is on Ravelry . Just click on Maeve and it will take you to it . The only thing I did differently is I used half - double crochet instead of double crochet . I liked it better a little tighter . I 'm working up a shrug in that pattern now for a CAL in the group Cat 's Crochet Corner . I had hoped to have it up by January 1st but with the move and my son and DIL coming for a few days I think it will probably be the first part of the following week . I 'll try and get back to post a pic of its progress so far . A scarf , a scarf , my soul for a scarf . . . Well , not really , but that 's how it feels today . We are right in the throws of moving and I HAD to do some crocheting last night . I swear The Hubster has boxed up absolutely everything we need and nothing that we don 't . When we unpack I 'd not be surprised to find a pickle jar in my underwear . I had had it last night . Had to take a pause in lieu of homicide and crocheted this scarf . I used the stitch pattern called the Maeve stitch . Of course I didn 't do it the way it 's written . It 's written with double crochets between the patterns and I did half - double crochets . I also only skipped two spaces instead of three and did two half - double crochets around . I know that means nothing really but maybe you can kind of tell from the photo below . It was a fun stitch to do but got the old carpal tunnel going I 'll tell you . It was great therapy and I plan to do the same tonight . We close in the morning at 9 a . m . , move the next morning , go to Utah the next morning , Christmas luncheon and bowling with the kids / grandkids on Sunday . Dentist on Monday and home on Tuesday . Unpack and begin the tedious job of picking pickles out of my underwear drawer . LOL ! Last year I belatedly joined a group for getting projects done and with mom 's passing , etc . I failed miserably at it . This year I joined a new group on Ravelry called 17 in 2017 . My list of 17 include ( so far and as always , open to adjustment / redefinition / change ) : New : Golden Bee Shawl New : Granny Has Wings Shawl It might seem a bit impossible but those are the 17 things on my current project list on Ravelry . So if need be I 'll make adjustments as we go along . Isn 't that what life is about ? Adjustments , reorganization , etc . ? Hmmm . So they say . ; - ) Things have been crazy here at the Matheson Mansion . We are in the process of buying another house ( here in Havasu ) , packing and preparing to move , having a big Christmas party for family and friends ( in Utah no less ) and trying to get in a bit of crocheting . Thank goodness I didn 't plan on any yarny type gifts cuz I 'd - a - never - made - it . ; - ) I did finish up this cute cowl for my daughter . It 's called the Elemental Triangle Cowl by Cre8tion Crochet . It was SO fast . I used a lighter weight ( cuz I had it and wanted it lighter ) and so it used more yarn and took longer but even then it was a 2 - day project . So fast and so easy . My daughter was here yesterday ( from Utah ) and waited until this was finished and extra hour before leaving so she could take it with her . Looked great with her blue jeans but she wouldn 't let me take her picture cuz her " hair looked ratty . " I told her you would never even see her again and she wasn 't having anything to do with it . I was worried about the color distribution but once she got it on the drape was so perfect that it just looks amazing . Next post will be from the new digs . I hate it . Seriously . Swore I 'd never move again when we moved here . Actually , the first time I said that was 8 years ago and we have moved three times since then . Guess I 'll stop saying that . Maybe it 's bad luck or something . I won 't do it again though . Told The Hubster in no uncertain terms . Next time he goes on his own . Yup . Things have been kind of busy since Mom 's passing . The only thing changing though is my weight . I think I 've gained five pounds since mom died . I can 't seem to get enough to eat . I 'm not really hungry so it 's got to be just stress . Better cut it out or I will gain back ( quickly ) all the weight I lost five years ago . I 've done really good to maintain my weight and then gained five pounds while mom was living here and another five following her death . Not a good plan , is it ? Just keep eating ? Nah . I think I 'll crochet instead ! ! ! ! ! I finished a shawl for my nursing home charity . The weather will soon cool off a bit here and they always like having a little something to put over their shoulders . I never really got mom to wear a shawl but I did have a shrug that she liked to put on in the mornings while out watching the sun come up . I didn 't use a pattern , just made it up with granny stitches . I used KnitPicks Heather in , I think , the color Picnic ( or something like that ) . It was really nice to work with and I think it will be light enough yet heavy enough to do the trick . I love working with KnitPicks Kettle yarns . They are SO SO nice . I 've also made some hats for the Ravelry group helping out " Operation Gratitude . " It 's a group that sends hats and scarves to those in the military . I also promised some to Hats for the Homeless in Phoenix so I gotta get busy now and get some more done . Hats are SO easy to do . You can pounds those out in no time without a pattern . Scarves are the same way but I get really bored doing them for some reason . I also completed a " neck shawl . " The pattern was on Ravelry and basically what they did was take a shawl pattern and only make it to about the shoulders and then connect in the back with stitches . I had to take it in ( A LOT ) and wouldn 't do as many stitches from one side to the other next time . It 's kind of a cute idea though and you wear it in front instead of over your shoulders . I think that about catches me up . OH ! Wait ! I did help a lady in Germany with a pattern translation . She had done a fantastic job translating it but needed a bit of help with some of the English crochet terms . This is what the pattern looks like and I think it 's kinda funky . The stitch pattern is really really pretty and I hope to make it soon using Red Heart LusterSheen . I have three balls gifted me and that should be more than enough to make this . It 's called Happy Patternmix Wrap . Well , ya 'll have a fantastic week . I 'll have more to show you next week of fun crochet projects ( and hopefully less of me . It 's diet time ! ! ) . This is mom down on the floor at 90 years old with her great - grandson , Leland . When he came to the house after her passing he told me , " My tiny grandma died and went to heaven . " It was so precious . When he saw me sitting quietly he came over and gave me a big hug and said , " Everythin ' is goin ' to be okay Aunt Bev . " I called him over a little later for another hug and he said , " Why , we 're not leavin ' . " ; - ) It feels kind of strange to have a crochet hook in my hand after going for a few weeks without doing anything . I have some lovely KnitPicks yarn that is in beautiful autumn shades . I think I 'm going to make the Lace Bolero by Tina Barrett . The pattern is on Ravelry and also the site www . topcrochetpatterns . com . It 's free ! ! I love it when I can find something I really like and it 's FREE ! Let 's hope it 's as easy as it looks . I 'm way behind on a Year of Projects . I will plug along with my list but not try to get back in sync or caught up . I just want to sit back , relax and enjoy some crocheting . I want to make a bunch of hats to donate to an organization here in Arizona that provides hats for the homeless . They yarn / hat bomb them about town in Phoenix and anyone who needs one can take it . Isn 't that a fun idea ? Oh , on purpose I haven 't been working on my mood scarf . I think I 'll finish it off and use it as a double - twist cowl . I didn 't want to have to start using black because of my black moods so didn 't work on it at all . LOL ! The past few weeks have been spent in Idaho . My mom suddenly took ill and it was a rush to get there to help her . Unfortunately the illness caused her to weaken and she passed away . Mom would 've been 91 in December . I thought for sure she 'd make it to 100 . She had been in pretty good shape . I don 't know if you believe in the afterlife but I do and it brings me great comfort to think she 's with my dad again . Her own father passed away when she was only five so they too have had a fantastic reunion . It 's hard to be sad when you know she is happy . I 'm so glad I got to be there when she passed away . I will miss her . I can hardly believe it . September . Doesn 't seem possible . Where has the time gone ? It 's like I 've just barely figured out it was 2016 instead of 2015 . Oh wait , is it 2016 or 2017 ? See what I mean ? The pain in the shoulder blade is only slightly better . Finally went to the doctor and their guess was as good as mine . Ice , heat , Ibuprofen , rest . I have managed , however , to get a bit of crocheting done . As you can see , my mood scarf has been directly affected by my shoulder blade and back pain . Lots of dark in there and not much bright pink . The bright pink was a day when I heard from both the grandkids after their first day of school . Who couldn 't be happy after that ? My " Headed to the Fiesta " shawl is finished but not yet blocked . Can 't really stretch well enough to block it yet but I am really really happy with it . I think it 's going to open up and be beautiful . Pretty enough that I might need to buy a new outfit just to go with it , right ? The gray cowl is called Double - Strand Cowl by Sharon Silverman . It 's supposed to be two different weights of yarn but I wanted to make it with just worsted weight . I plan to give it as a Christmas gift and want it to be nice and warm for those Idaho winters it 's going to try and ward off . It was a fun crochet and went really fast . I had some Red Heart Boutique that I wanted to use for a couple of cowls . Can you believe the two shown above are from the same yarn ? It 's true ! How different it looks depending on if it 's an open stitch or a closed stitch . Both turned out really nice . The final shot is the beginning of a blanket for a friend for Christmas . I 'm doing it as part of a Blanket CAL on Ravelry . It 's just I Love This Yarn in grey - tones . I think it 's going to be nice and soft and will go with just about any decor . It 's about full - size , I think . ( Here 's the gray cowl on . Really pretty , I think . Next time , however , I think I 'll add about 20 stitches to the pattern so it 's a bit longer . ) Still have a horrible back , shoulder and neck . Finally went to the ER yesterday . The degenerative disease in my back is running rampant and has found itself inn my neck vertebra . Nerves exposed and being pinched by floating bone . It 's all so discouraging . Gosh , what will I be like in another 10 years ? ! Anyway , I did a bit of crocheting this week but only little bits here and there . I purchased some beautiful hand - dyed sock yarn on Etsy a few weeks ago and made this lovely pink tonal scarf . I haven 't blocked it yet and will do that this afternoon or tomorrow ( more likely ) . It should open up and be beautifully lacy . I finished the orange infinity scarf by adding a pretty little flower . The Mood Scarf is coming along . Due to the owner being a miserable person there is a lot of darn purple in it . Today 's addition , however , was a little brighter . I 've had horrific pains in my left shoulder - - under the shoulder blade and up into my neck . I can 't even explain to you how awful it has been . This will be a very short post . I only plan to post my progress on my Infinity Scarf and Mood Scarf . I purchased this beautiful yarn from Hobby Lobby . Sparky has long since chewed up the label ( he has a thing for them ) and I can 't remember what it is called . Rats ! But , it is lovely stuff and I 'll be going back to the store to get some more . Next will be some flowers for the bottom and then a final photo . The group on Ravelry that is sponsoring the Mood Scarf - a - long is going to be closing the end of September so I guess if it 's not finished by then I 'll just go ahead on my own - - which is fine . My friend , Cath , has been the moderator of this group for the past several years . She 's going through some moves , etc . , that are causing her a lot of stress . I don 't blame her one bit for closing the group but I will sure miss it . It 's been my first stop on Ravelry since Cat 's Crochet Corner was started . This is the Sonata Shawl beginning . I 'm using Red Heart Luster Sheer in a cream color . This yarn is no longer made ( dang it ! ) so I purchased it from someone 's stash on Ravelry for a very reasonable price ( free cuz she didn 't sent it for a while ) . I got three skeins which should be a little more than enough to make the shawl . I 'm going to purchase what I can of this because I really like it especially for things that are going to get some wear . Super simple shawl that hopefully will open up beautifully . I 'm hoping both of these will be good additions to my care center donations . ( Or gifts for the right person should be need arise . ) Got my mood scarf started again . I 'm using the honeycomb stitch this time so it won 't be so bulky . I 'm not worry about where I add the yarn cuz I think it 's going to give it that funky feel I wanted by messing it about . This does not include today 's addition . I had to go find a MUCH darker purple to add because I 'm in a really really dark mood today . Grrrrrr ! Stay back . ; - ) Last night we had our Church 's missionaries over for dinner , along with two other couples from the congregation , and served a chicken pasta salad , fresh fruit , garlic bread and fresh peach cobbler . We had about three cups of fruit left - - the rest is history . To go with the fruit today I 'm making a real family favorite . Green Chile Cheese Squares . Melt butter and cool . Pour into large bowl ; add eggs , beating slightly . Add in all other ingredients and m ix well . Pour into a buttered 9x13x2 " pan and bake at 400 for 15 minutes . THEN lower the heat to 350 and cook for another 30 minutes . Report on the Mood Scarf : It isn 't anymore . I frogged it and decided I wanted to make it the long way instead and it looked hideous . I frogged that and started over the short way and I couldn 't get the yarn to work back up - - too many ends in the wrong places . I tossed it and am starting all over again . I did my first section of it the day before yesterday so don 't really have anything to show . Dang it ! I finished my scarf / cowl with the beads . I think it turned out really nice but you can 't really see the beads very well in the picture . Next time I make something with beads I 'm going to put more of them in the body of the project . My Tunisian scarf is coming along . I wish you could see how gorgeous this Bernat Satin is in this scarf . It 's kind of a grey / brown and has a beautiful sheen to it . No matter how I take a picture of this it doesn 't do it justice . I 'm thinking this is going to be a Christmas present for my daughter 's boyfriend . Since I 'm going to have a LOT of this yarn ( I have 10 balls of it ) , I decided to try out a new stitch pattern . I have to really think about it though while working it . It 's not a mindless stitch pattern . I 'm thinking of taking it apart though and making it with a different yarn . Something more feminine that I can give to my daughter - in - law for her birthday in November . I 'm a huge fan of Sharon Silverman . She has some amazing designs . I ordered two of her books and received this one the other day . I can 't wait to get started on one of them . I think I have enough of the colorful yarn left from the cowl to make something . We 'll see . That 's it . It was a pretty crappy week . After having the radioactive nerve thingy I was really optimistic that the sciatic nerve pain was finally going to go away - - after a year of constant pain - - but after a week it is tingling and sort of burning . I don 't know if that means it didn 't work or if that means it is working . Fingers crossed . I 've about had enough . Well , actually I have had enough . I try not to complain because there are SO many who are worse off than I am but I do occasionally invite my friends to a pity party . I then close the door on it for a while and carry on . It would be me . I admit it . I had my sciatic nerve burned the day before yesterday to see if it would help with the pain I 've been having . So far so good but I can 't even begin to tell you how tired I 've been . I can 't seem to keep my eyes open . I could sleep the whole day away . I don 't think it 's a side - effect of the radioactive injections as much as it 's lack of sleep finally catching up with me . I hope now we will have more bright pink days on my scarf . I 'm working on that . ; - ) I 'm working along with my beaded scarf as well . It 's not as pretty as I had hoped but it 's okay . Next time I will put more in the body of it . I just thought once it was tied it would appear there would be more beads . We 'll see . . . Not enough beads to even be noticed I 'm afraid . Lucky lady ! Paula , you win the book and yarn . Please send me your mailing address to : imin2crochet @ gmail . com . Thanks for playing along everyone . Flurry of Foliage shawl Volkswagen graph pattern for one of my BFFs - started Cancer hats using Cancer Charity Hat by Christins and others . Goal is at least 50 ( great take along project ) . Vest for DIL birthday - started 3 projects from my Ravelry Library , including gifted baby blanket pattern Use stash as much as possible for them . I was going to make a shawl using Tunisian crochet and a mitered square . As I got to working on it , I decided to try it with regular crochet first . This is my start . I 'm not liking it at all but I 'm determined to get at least the prototype done so I can start to tweak it . I 'd still like to do it in Tunisian if I can . My mood scarf is coming along but I 'm having a lot of just plain old days . Not enough sunny times but thank goodness not a lot of dark times either . This is a new week , right ? LOL ! Report on missing Tunisian hooks . I ordered a new set from WalMart ( cuz they 're a lot cheaper there ) and wouldn 't you know it . Not five minutes after I received the email stating they had shipped I found mine in the bottom of a project bag . I swear I looked there before . Anyway , now I have THREE sets of Tunisian hooks : 2 Denise and 1 KnitPro . The above is a pretty sad picture of the vest I 'm making for my DIL . It 's really more a a gray but the lighting in here is so bad it comes out more of a BLAH . It 's coming along though and next week I 'll try photographing it outside - when it 's not raining or windy . That 's about all we 've had lately . I 'm not complaining though because living in a desert you don 't get much moisture so I 'm always happy to see it rain a bit . I love the paws and the hook to keep your leash on , etc . Next time I make one it will be a bit different though . I had The Hubster help me and we ended up with something just a tad different than I had in mind but it works . ; - ) I love him for his effort and willingness to even take it on . He 's not the crafty type . Lucky lady ! Paula , you win the book and yarn . Please send me your mailing address to : imin2crochet @ gmail . com . Thanks for playing along everyone . Flurry of Foliage shawl Volkswagen graph pattern for one of my BFFs - started Cancer hats using Cancer Charity Hat by Christins and others . Goal is at least 50 ( great take along project ) . Vest for DIL birthday - started 3 projects from my Ravelry Library , including gifted baby blanket pattern Use stash as much as possible for them . I was going to make a shawl using Tunisian crochet and a mitered square . As I got to working on it , I decided to try it with regular crochet first . This is my start . I 'm not liking it at all but I 'm determined to get at least the prototype done so I can start to tweak it . I 'd still like to do it in Tunisian if I can . My mood scarf is coming along but I 'm having a lot of just plain old days . Not enough sunny times but thank goodness not a lot of dark times either . This is a new week , right ? LOL ! Report on missing Tunisian hooks . I ordered a new set from WalMart ( cuz they 're a lot cheaper there ) and wouldn 't you know it . Not five minutes after I received the email stating they had shipped I found mine in the bottom of a project bag . I swear I looked there before . Anyway , now I have THREE sets of Tunisian hooks : 2 Denise and 1 KnitPro . The above is a pretty sad picture of the vest I 'm making for my DIL . It 's really more a a gray but the lighting in here is so bad it comes out more of a BLAH . It 's coming along though and next week I 'll try photographing it outside - when it 's not raining or windy . That 's about all we 've had lately . I 'm not complaining though because living in a desert you don 't get much moisture so I 'm always happy to see it rain a bit . I love the paws and the hook to keep your leash on , etc . Next time I make one it will be a bit different though . I had The Hubster help me and we ended up with something just a tad different than I had in mind but it works . ; - ) I love him for the effort and willingness to even take it on . He 's not the crafty type .
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Perhaps I should note at this point that one mongrel bolt fitting just won 't get the hint and it 's going to stay that way for now . I was concerned about it at the time , I couldn 't properly dry the balsa core it penetrates and it 's been weeping tannin stained droplets ever since . I 'm sure it 's just old damage working it 's way out because there isn 't a heap of tannin in Balsa as I recall . I haven 't quite given up on it , but in the spirit of all things " I may not be good but by golly I 'm expensive " I have a plan to catch all those drops until our return in April . After all , we 've drawn a line in the sand , the tools are back under the floor where they belong . The ship is once again ship - shape and we are leaving in the morning . Ahh , now I remember why we don 't make plans . Once again we find ourselves waiting for Michel , perhaps he 'll be here tomorrow . It 's time for a Bex and a bit of a lie down I think , or perhaps dinner with Jacques and Maggie instead . We woke in the dark this morning , dark and gloom and rain but not too cold . I can 't think of a time I 've been so happy to wake in those conditions . A week of plugging little gaps in things makes one curious to see whether the time has been well spent . With all the serious water entry points repaired , the trivial ones take on an importance out of all proportion to life and all that it involves . Previously they were but a drop an hour or half a droplet per day and mostly we didn 't know they even existed because of all the other water . Now we hunt them down at every opportunity . An hour or so of rain gave us five more of the little blighters this morning and another few hours to fix them . The dawn also brought news of the house we rent from the Government . Actually it brought pictures of it in colour and glossy headlines about " millionaire 's row " and how much the government has wasted buying houses in our street . I wanted to write letters to the editor , asking how much would be wasted not buying the balance , ( $ 200million extra for the road the Main Roads Report said ) , and who will worry about those who are left , but I wondered if , living as we do on our boat , in France , they 'd get the wrong impression . By afternoon stock of cleaning compounds running as low as the amount of skin left on my knuckles the end of work was in sight and there all thought of government incompetence had dissolved . Chris and Helen thought we should while away the evening eating chocolate cake and drinking beverages of our choice in front of the fire on their barge , it was cosier there they said , and who were we to argue . SHARE : Last night we discovered it 's been a week since we decided to leave all the stuff in the hands of our chaps , a week where we seem to have toiled almost without ceasing , except for the odd dinner , coffee and excursion of course , while our chaps have been off doing other things . Chaos continues to reign aboard . We have no idea how the two bags full , each with just nineteen kilograms of stuff we brought with us can no longer fit on a ten metre boat , but it can 't . The fact that all of the lockers have copped the leak fix and the scrub today and are empty for now , doesn 't help of course , and there normally is a place for everything somewhere but today there isn 't a place for anything , and we haven 't a clue how we are going to rearrange it to deal with the damp over winter . It will all stop on Friday , it will . Almost everything has been cleaned to within an inch of its life , and all the preparatory work has been done so the chaps can march in when the snow starts and do the fixin ' stuff . Even if I don 't get the diesel heater working tomorrow we 'll call ourselves ready to hit the trail as soon as our dinner date is over on Thursday . That 's been our plan all along , to get the jobs done a fortnight early , so we would not have anything hanging over our heads when a flurry of friends arrived to spend our last week with us . But plans are only made so they can change . We heard today that Björn and Sandra , the " charming young German couple " we met in Mallacoota will wisely but regrettably not be driving the seven or eight hours from Hamburg to visit , as they are fantastically in the first stage of pregnancy . As fate would have it , our partners in crime from Orleans have seen the weather forecast and perhaps equally wisely they too have decided to do something involving museums and galleries next week instead of travelling for more than half a day on saturated motorways to sit in the rain under blankets with us . We are disappointed of course that we won 't be seeing them , but now strangely look forward to the time alone . One last cruise to farewell the season . " Strangely " because we have apparently been alone for a few weeks , yet it seems as though we have had a companion invading our space , upsetting our tidy little lives , upsetting our tidy little boat and worse , he 's been upsetting our tidy little lack of routine . I love the smell of grinding disk in the morning , and I had to cut the bolts off to a more respectable length anyway , after which a conference with " my chaps " was in order to determine a course of action . It was never going to be probable that Michel would be available , but he graciously confirmed my diagnosis , that an incompetent repairer many years ago had failed to pay any attention to the fact that the hull had badly delaminated after a massive accident . They 'd simply bogged up the hole and continued replacing bits of rotten flooring when hirers complained about the rotting smell . There was nothing for it but to further investigate , so I borrowed a dust mask and a bigger grinder , donned my disposable overalls with the hood and after sealing the cabin from the rest of the boat , proceeded to chisel and grind the inner two thirds of the hull away . Interestingly , under all those cracks and layers of newspaper , I found a slot about fifty millimetres by eight , which exited directly under a rubber bumper . That could possibly be the problem I thought . So did Michel , when I called him to inspect my work . Michel is a man of few words , none of them English . Squatting with me in an inch of dust , he stroked my ground - out patch which had grown to almost a metre high and half as wide , and said quietly , " Beau " , which I took to be a compliment . As the sun is setting across the harbour , I can 't say for sure if it 's due to doing actual work much of the day again , or being in confined spaces upside down with an angle grinder , or breathing champignon spores or grinding dust or whether it 's just not drinking enough red wine , but I 'm completely knackered . It 's not as if I haven 't found things for the smaller of us to do either , scrubbing the inside of a locker that reminded me just too much of one I had to cut myself out of with an angle grinder when we were building Piglet , and she looked to me to be of a size that would actually be able to move while inside . Perhaps it 's the stress of being an " honorary assistant " on Jacques ' briefing team for new hirers . He had two Australian customers coming in last night and asked if I 'd accompany him during their orientation to translate . Now Jacques speaks perfectly understandable English , and I suspect that besides being a very smart piece of salesmanship on his part by welcoming his customers with a familiar accent , it was really a ruse to get me on the water and moving for a bit because he knows that we 've been here for nearly a week and the urge to move on is starting to outweigh the urge to complete the work we 've been talking about . Never the less , the experience was interesting and mostly pleasurable . In the case of one party , ( who shall remain nameless but in the unlikely event that they find this blog , you know who you are ) it was delightful . After the formalities were over , and " we 'd " conquered a lock together , and in the process rescued another hirer from a serious predicament in the same lock , we retired to the comfort of the good ship Joyeux and had coffee and crepes chocked full of banana and nutella and told stories for what was left of the morning until the rain stopped . I 'm fairly certain that after I 'd accidentally passed a rope under a lifeline instead of over it , and loudly drew everyone 's attention to the fact that they should never ever under any circumstances do as I had just done , that they thought it was part of the show . Fairly certain . Actually , I don 't think I am knackered . Despite the undoubted joy that I get from pulling things apart and putting them back together clean and no longer squeaking , I think I am suffering moving withdrawals . We can always fix the boat next year . Or the year after that . Small repairs on boats have a way of turning themselves into large repairs , it 's something to do with the law of the sea , and from the moment I lifted the first corner of disintegrating plywood and found the champignons , I began to suspect that this would be one of those days . After several hours , the entire floor of our cabin , the wall framing and some of the lining found it 's way to the skip , and we now have a clean dry cabin that doesn 't smell of mushroom compost . After several more hours , all of the penetrating bolts had been removed and reseated in proper sealant , and the skin on five or six of my knuckles had probably already started to heal . The lack of floor is admittedly a little inconvenient , but once we 've worked out how to get a sheet of plywood back from the hardware store forty kilometres away balanced on a pair of bicycles , the repair work should be a doddle . Leaks are like rust , they never stop . The rain has given a great excuse just to fiddle with things , but one of the problems with trying to finish off fixing job in the rain is that there 's water everywhere and one can 't tell if the leak has stopped or not , then if it has and the bolts are made of metal , which mostly they are , the condensation starts forming on them and they look as though they are leaking anyway even if they aren 't . The other problem with fixing the big leaks is that the little ones now seem big , but at least we are down to one at each end of the boat , and since each is centred over a bed , we should be able to tell easily enough when they are fixed easily enough . Of course the little ones are the hardest to fix , so it remains to be seen whether anything gets done or not . We 've lost a day . We have no idea how it got to be Thursday night when we haven 't even had Thursday morning , but apparently it is which is just as well really because we 've done enough today to last for two . With just a teensy bit of luck the forward cabin may start behaving less like a colander if the forecast rain happens for the next week , and the bilge pump float switch is now beautifully and permanently located so we can be confident that we won 't sink , and the sliding door has been adjusted to within an inch of its life , and in two lines I 've just described three days ' work . Life isn 't all work of course , there 's still that magical weather and it just didn 't seem right to be walking alone , so we borrowed Freda for the morning to make us look more French . I know , I know , a Highland Terrier isn 't all that French , but she doesn 't seem to understand any particular language and although she 'd never let on in public , she seemed to enjoy herself . The harbour looked stunning from the other side of the canal , and we may have been delayed for a not terribly short while while we had coffee with Helen and Chris ( on the barge bottom right ) as we attempted to pass . If it hadn 't been for the need to fill some holes before the rain started we 'd still be there , and it would be Friday before we knew it . With our cabin stripped of all that is useful , things such as a floor , wall linings and a bed , and the forward cabin the subject of almost the same degree of in - piecedness awaiting today 's inspection by " our chaps " , in the absence of any other alternative the saloon table bed seemed to be the most comfortable option . Despite the luxury of sleeping on two mattress thicknesses it seems my system decided that I may well have had enough sleep for a week the night previous . As one eye opened in the early morn to watch the stars through the windscreen the church bell 's struck five . An hour or so later the stars had faded gently behind the morning fog , unlike the bells which take the six o ' clock call very seriously indeed . Just sixty minutes further into the day , as the light began to make its presence felt , the whiteness of the morning had become quite apparent to any among us who , like I , may have taken the bell 's rousing call to action seriously . The temperature at least had the decency to begin in double figures this time and so it was that another perfectly clear warm day began , as indeed did a rush of urgency to get on with things while we can . In a day or two the weather will give us a chance to see if the leaks have been fixed , although mid breakfast I could say for certain that they haven 't without the benefit of precipitation . But it 's a long time between meals , and while the list for " the chaps " is now complete , every screw I undid today led to an extension of what started out to be a very reasonable ( read almost non - existent ) workload for moi . It 's amazing what almost 12 hours asleep will do to lift the fog rolling across one 's countenance . By eight this morning though , that fog had been replaced by another which for a time hid a perfect sky and a " Sunshine Coast mid twenties , windless winter 's day " . While one of us got decidedly chilled just taking the photo then pottering in the 6 ° comfort of the saloon thankful that we aren 't here for all that minus twenty nonsense that goes on in winter , the other quite wisely remained " chilled " but toasty warm buried under a pile of doonas for a few more chimings of the church bell . Perhaps we should have moved on under that electric blue sky , but that would have wasted a perfect day for doing absolutely nothing , or pulling the leaking bits apart and re - shuffling the bed frame or oiling the grates in the bathroom floors and catching up on the washing . We have three weeks you see . Three weeks to think of everything and do everything and get it all sorted before next year . In the midst of that thought , as suddenly as the second fog had lifted , the last vestige of the first disappeared as well , and his brain became just as clear as the sky ; The sun came up again today and at that very moment we were in France . It would be a bit unkind to say that we hadn 't seen the sun for a while , but quite accurate to say we haven 't seen sun like this . Warm sun that comes out of a blue sky and glistens on the top of the water and makes us alternately squint and not squint as its reflections joggle about . We thought we 'd quite settled into life in London , and we did rather like pottering about and being with the kids . We liked it a lot . As soon as we arrived at the harbour though , we both felt strangely , warmly , at home . Perhaps when it 's 8 ° in the morning and we haven 't got the heater working we 'll feel quite differently , but for now we are home and busting to see if Mr Perkins loves us enough to take us somewhere for those three short weeks we have left in his company this year . Five weeks to go , three on the boat , and we are on our way back to our other home ( or the one the Main Roads Department owns to be technically correct ) and we 'll have to think about things for a bit , like where to put our stuff next year for instance . Five weeks . More than most people have away at one time without taking long service leave , and yet we are seeing it as a winding down time in a sense . We are fighting to remain in a state of being here , not moving into one of packing up . We 've been fortunate enough to have visited the last three Olympic venues at about the same time in their construction programme . Sydney , looked ambitious and sensible at the same time , Beijing was ambitious and incredible even before completion and after a stroll around London 's construction site our first impression is that it looks , well , small really , dwarfed by the area of land surrounding it , a trick of the light perhaps . It probably isn 't as these things go , with a planned capacity of 80 , 000 people which as luck would have it is exactly two seventy - thirds of the number of people who travel on the Underground each day , which makes me want to ponder a bit on whether all the fears of congestion in the City during the time of the Olympics might be just a tad ill founded . It 's capacity makes it the third largest arena in the country , but as if to make some sort of a statement about the British fondness for outdoor entertainment , after the games it will be reduced to a very sensible 25 , 000 , about the length of a queue at a typical Fish and Chip Shop , which come to think of it is exactly how we rounded off our evening . Lest we had done it a grave injustice by lamenting it 's demise prematurely , we decided to see if Portobello Markets were any more to our satisfaction on Friday , the day when " the street comes alive with hundreds of traders with their antique wares " . There were certainly a few more traders , although we didn 't see the Russian dolls this time so perhaps they 've moved on , and one or two stall holders were selling their Auntie Maud 's or perhaps their Mum 's silver which was at least partially gratifying . There were significant displays of second hand apparel of the kind worn on the cover of Sergeant " Pepper 's Lonely Hearts Club Band " which to be fair did hark back to the good old days somewhat but still nothing that struck a chord as novel or new ( in an old sort of way of course ) . Perhaps age has indeed wearied them . Age and " Made in China " . One of the " New Cockney " traders told me that he 'd hardly sold a thing , which meant he would barely have anything to send home to his Mother in Karachi this month , confirming my suspicions that perhaps he didn 't get his tan in the East End . The little artists co - op gallery we stumbled into on the walk home put some nice icing on our cake - walk , to say nothing of keeping us out of the autumn chill for half an hour or so . Thankfully in a city this size there is always something new to stumble across and discover without having to rely on the tired old half dozen spots on which the tourist brochures have relied for half a century . SHARE : Joan noted yesterday that we had seen " The Lion King " in Sydney , and now we can say we 've seen it in Sydney twice , or at least the stage was so far away if it wasn 't in Sydney it wasn 't too far from it and it definitely had a different postcode to where we were sitting . To make things even more interesting , our seats were also quite elevated as well . To be more accurate they were so far up the stairs that I 'm fairly sure if we 'd turned left instead of right we would have actually seen StPeter manning the other door . To be fair though , the seats were very cheap in a relative sense , ( compared perhaps to the cost of purchasing the entire theatre for instance ) and there were binoculars for our convenience attached to the seat backs which could become unattached by simply inserting a Pound in a slot . It is suffice to say that despite that generous offer , none of our binoculars became detached . Perhaps it was the seats , or perhaps it was the production with which Mr Disney has so cleverly captured the imagination of the common man , but we found ourselves seated among all manner of theatre going riff raff . Throughout the performance the upstairs crowd seemed to want to compete with those on stage , serenading us with a constant drone of chatter interspersed with the occasional " clap along completely out of time and a few bars behind , no in front of the music " . When ever the lions got to within a few inches of holding hands , wolf whistles would echo through the the theatre . Wolf whistles for crying out loud , for the King of Beasts . It was enough for me to want to send an email to the lady in front of us who was clearly attending electronically to matters of state during the performance . At no time did the lions ever get as close as the couple next to me though , who seemed to be preening each other 's tonsils in turn . Surely they must have met in the theatre and become instantly smitten . If this was a preconceived plan , they could have had a night at the Savoy for the same price as two Dress Circle tickets in the Lyceum . We hadn 't quite covered the Monopoly Board before we ran out of steam yesterday , so today it was Park Lane and Oxford Street and pretty much everything else we 'd missed except " Go to Gaol " although one of us thought that might be a possibility if we didn 't stop walking against the red " Don 't Walk " signs . Past Selfridges amazing window displays , into Hamleys Toy Store which has been there since before James Cook left on his journeys of discovery , down Carnaby Street which perhaps has changed just a tad since Twiggy and her mates were young , once more to Leicester Square and into the den of the ticket touts we rolled and before we could ask " are you sure we 'll be able to see the stage ? " we were separated from the contents of our credit card . Tomorrow evening , Gaol not withstanding we will see the Lion King at the Lyceum . Innocents abroad . In Leicester Square among the ticket touts , preparations were underway for a film premiere , with rows of people wrapped in clear plastic bags sitting in their camping stools with thermos ' in hand , waiting patiently for Will Ferrel to wander past many hours hence . It mustn 't be cool to wait in raincoats . Waiting in the rain for Will Ferrel doesn 't seem like the epitome of cool either come to think of it . I 'm not sure that revisiting Portobello Road without the crowds was a good thing in retrospect . It gave us time to see just how little anyone has moved on in forty years , and it confirmed that we should perhaps have liked to have remembered it as it was in an era long gone . There is a new retail clothing outlet on a street corner near here which seems to have created rather a ruckus among the " save Portobello Road " mob , which it seems is being stewed slowly in its own juices without being aware of it . It 's proponents cry that the small merchants will be pushed out by the chains , that the place will lose it 's character , but they clearly haven 't seen it from the eyes of a visitor . The characters that once were there , are gone , replaced by a pseudo chain of cheap souvenir hawkers . While it seemed that it would be wise to pack up a lot of the work on display before the street refuse collectors arrived , there were some among the throng who could only be described as " undiscovered " . I found myself inexplicably confronting my old misgivings about my own stuff , once again riding the waves of uncertainty which roll in without logic whenever I start to think about chewing what I have bitten off in the art world . But as if to allay if not completely exorcise my thoughts , we received a call with news that all continues to be very well received in Orleans apparently , with feedback since the " soft " opening of the exhibition being brilliantly positive . Logically not only are we well beyond the point of no return , but with the exception of a sale or two have already managed a successful outcome by our own measures and we have a plan to visit there next week , at which time I 'm sure those questionable feelings will give way to smug satisfaction then ! Even on a fine and relatively warm morning in London the dawn seems grey and unappetising . The fine respectable white faced buildings of Bayswater at first appear embarrassed that we are peering at their nether regions , but after a time they just ignore us and we them . Admittedly after a cup of coffee everything in Queens Mews is brighter at street level and there are plenty of other views to dissect at any rate , and I 'm already feeling sorry that I caught them in their morning attire . I framed a tinfoil Freddo wrapper some time in the seventies declaring to all who cared to listen that some day it would be worth a fortune , I still have it and if I 'd been completely insane and added to it every waking hour for thirty years or so as Robert did , even then it probably wouldn 't be worth a cracker . I suspect that opening a museum would be an incredibly efficient way of making a small fortune out of a larger one , but I 'm thankful that someone 's done it ! SHARE : One can almost see Paris from the top of the Rechicourt lock early in the morning , or at least at 9 : 00 which is early as these things go . The rain is clearing for a bit just to prove the weathermen wrong and we quite like it when they are in this case , but there seems little doubt that they will be increasingly correct with their predictions for rain and more rain for the next few days . Even without the rain , some of the wind gusts we experienced today made me think that a smart person would be thinking about heading to London , perhaps with a day in Paris enroute . The taxi is booked for 9 : 00 tomorrow and if we can find a train to take us there , that 's exactly what we 'll do . It 's a strange feeling preparing to leave life afloat for a time . We 've barely been aboard for two months , yet feel as though it 's been all of our lives . We 've even set an alarm to help us adapt to the old ways . Not for the first time this summer we found ourselves closing on the big lock at Rechicourt on a cold , bleak and generally hideously wet evening . We didn 't get there of course , we never do , and in true wandering Hobbit fashion we once again sought the comfort of a friendly forest , just a few kilometres from our nemesis . Tomorrow , we will once again steel ourselves and continue our private battle with the dreaded " Rechicourt " and then almost in a blink we will be home in Lagarde , packing for a grand adventure . SHARE : Meanwhile the flowers in the courtyard of the house beside our mooring keep trying to tell us over morning coffee that there 's plenty of warm weather left during the day , and as if to reinforce that view , the lull between the holiday season and the low season is well and truly over for the hire boats as well . In summer every boat was covered in family groups of all ages , we had once spoken to a Belgian group with thirteen aboard across four generations , but that was admittedly at the extreme end of the scale . Now they are all party boats , full of young adults and blokey groups and macho men wearing sailors hats . Perhaps the loudest was the group that passed with speakers the size of a large refrigerator , and more beer than could fit in said refrigerator , with a generator lashed to the back to power it all . Unless Joel and Cindy are in town and they happen to find a spot for their motorhome just beside the very spot we 've moored , not that things are anything but deathly quiet for a long time after the sun comes up , but before it goes down there 's a dull roar from within Joyeux that goes on for longer than we would consider polite if we weren 't here ourselves . After nearly ten years driving round Europe they 've been considering swapping the truck for a boat but are having some serious problems with the lack of pace , noting that by their calculations we 've travelled six kilometres in the past week . That is not quite true though , we 've done the sums and we happen to know that it 's nine kilometres and in the coming four days we 'll travel another thirty , so we will have averaged almost twenty a week for the fortnight and we can 't see anything slow about that . What a difference a day makes , or in this case a few weeks . When last we arrived in Lutzelbourg , visibility was not much , rain was continuous , storms lashed us all night and we ducked out into the drizzle for a walk to the ruins of the chateau which loomed like a grey spectre over the town . To top it off it was peak holiday month and finding a mooring in town was no simple matter . We actually belted extra stakes into the footpath to hold us during the gales that night . But we loved the place even so . Today we arrived on the third of Autumn , shiny bits on the boat shining under postcard perfect clear skies , perfect temperature and the trees turning ever so early ( well they don 't have anything to clean I suppose ) , with the harbour completely deserted . The postcard perfect Ruby and Jean - Luc at the postcard perfect Patisserie / Tea Salon made us a postcard perfect cake each , and we went on a postcard perfect cycle up the postcard perfect abandoned flight of locks through the postcard perfect mountain forests tumbling almost vertically down to the postcard perfect waterway . Tomorrow , I shall be specially alert , and if , while I am lying in bed in the latter part of the early hours of the morn , I hear someone shout " Cue the sun ! " my suspicions will be confirmed . SHARE : True to forecast , the weather continued to hover around the " glorious " end of the scale , so we did what any sensible person would do , and kept cleaning things . Not just things that get cleaned in the course of a normal life , things like the insides of the battery boxes , and the window sliders and the aluminium brackets that hold the roof mechanism . Things that haven 't seen fresh air for thirty years sort of cleaning , and maybe things that need a new screw here and a drop of oil there sort of cleaning . It 's all stuff that we 've been meaning to do of course , and now we have . Three loads we had saved up , everything we owned really , for this day . There again , everyone in Saverne had done the same . Doonas were arriving and queueing for the " big " machine , perhaps the last chance before it really gets damp , and thankfully our guardian angel was there to let us in . On entering , addressing the curious gallery , I offered my usually apology about language and the Antipodes , which seemed at first to have no impact whatsoever , although one could clearly see in the eyes of each of those before me , that when I said I couldn 't speak enough French to be useful , there was no difficulty reaching unanimous agreement . She of the loud voice having already saved us once , decided that we did reasonably well with her last lot of directions , after all we were inside were we not , so clearly she was going to be the one to sort us out . To be fair , in addition to the volume adopted , she was by now speaking terribly simply with perfect annunciation , one word at a time taking us step by step through the process of putting our detergent in the machine , the money in , and waiting half an hour until , with an even louder voice she half shouted VOILA ! !
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Perhaps I should note at this point that one mongrel bolt fitting just won 't get the hint and it 's going to stay that way for now . I was concerned about it at the time , I couldn 't properly dry the balsa core it penetrates and it 's been weeping tannin stained droplets ever since . I 'm sure it 's just old damage working it 's way out because there isn 't a heap of tannin in Balsa as I recall . I haven 't quite given up on it , but in the spirit of all things " I may not be good but by golly I 'm expensive " I have a plan to catch all those drops until our return in April . After all , we 've drawn a line in the sand , the tools are back under the floor where they belong . The ship is once again ship - shape and we are leaving in the morning . Ahh , now I remember why we don 't make plans . Once again we find ourselves waiting for Michel , perhaps he 'll be here tomorrow . It 's time for a Bex and a bit of a lie down I think , or perhaps dinner with Jacques and Maggie instead . We woke in the dark this morning , dark and gloom and rain but not too cold . I can 't think of a time I 've been so happy to wake in those conditions . A week of plugging little gaps in things makes one curious to see whether the time has been well spent . With all the serious water entry points repaired , the trivial ones take on an importance out of all proportion to life and all that it involves . Previously they were but a drop an hour or half a droplet per day and mostly we didn 't know they even existed because of all the other water . Now we hunt them down at every opportunity . An hour or so of rain gave us five more of the little blighters this morning and another few hours to fix them . The dawn also brought news of the house we rent from the Government . Actually it brought pictures of it in colour and glossy headlines about " millionaire 's row " and how much the government has wasted buying houses in our street . I wanted to write letters to the editor , asking how much would be wasted not buying the balance , ( $ 200million extra for the road the Main Roads Report said ) , and who will worry about those who are left , but I wondered if , living as we do on our boat , in France , they 'd get the wrong impression . By afternoon stock of cleaning compounds running as low as the amount of skin left on my knuckles the end of work was in sight and there all thought of government incompetence had dissolved . Chris and Helen thought we should while away the evening eating chocolate cake and drinking beverages of our choice in front of the fire on their barge , it was cosier there they said , and who were we to argue . SHARE : Last night we discovered it 's been a week since we decided to leave all the stuff in the hands of our chaps , a week where we seem to have toiled almost without ceasing , except for the odd dinner , coffee and excursion of course , while our chaps have been off doing other things . Chaos continues to reign aboard . We have no idea how the two bags full , each with just nineteen kilograms of stuff we brought with us can no longer fit on a ten metre boat , but it can 't . The fact that all of the lockers have copped the leak fix and the scrub today and are empty for now , doesn 't help of course , and there normally is a place for everything somewhere but today there isn 't a place for anything , and we haven 't a clue how we are going to rearrange it to deal with the damp over winter . It will all stop on Friday , it will . Almost everything has been cleaned to within an inch of its life , and all the preparatory work has been done so the chaps can march in when the snow starts and do the fixin ' stuff . Even if I don 't get the diesel heater working tomorrow we 'll call ourselves ready to hit the trail as soon as our dinner date is over on Thursday . That 's been our plan all along , to get the jobs done a fortnight early , so we would not have anything hanging over our heads when a flurry of friends arrived to spend our last week with us . But plans are only made so they can change . We heard today that Björn and Sandra , the " charming young German couple " we met in Mallacoota will wisely but regrettably not be driving the seven or eight hours from Hamburg to visit , as they are fantastically in the first stage of pregnancy . As fate would have it , our partners in crime from Orleans have seen the weather forecast and perhaps equally wisely they too have decided to do something involving museums and galleries next week instead of travelling for more than half a day on saturated motorways to sit in the rain under blankets with us . We are disappointed of course that we won 't be seeing them , but now strangely look forward to the time alone . One last cruise to farewell the season . " Strangely " because we have apparently been alone for a few weeks , yet it seems as though we have had a companion invading our space , upsetting our tidy little lives , upsetting our tidy little boat and worse , he 's been upsetting our tidy little lack of routine . I love the smell of grinding disk in the morning , and I had to cut the bolts off to a more respectable length anyway , after which a conference with " my chaps " was in order to determine a course of action . It was never going to be probable that Michel would be available , but he graciously confirmed my diagnosis , that an incompetent repairer many years ago had failed to pay any attention to the fact that the hull had badly delaminated after a massive accident . They 'd simply bogged up the hole and continued replacing bits of rotten flooring when hirers complained about the rotting smell . There was nothing for it but to further investigate , so I borrowed a dust mask and a bigger grinder , donned my disposable overalls with the hood and after sealing the cabin from the rest of the boat , proceeded to chisel and grind the inner two thirds of the hull away . Interestingly , under all those cracks and layers of newspaper , I found a slot about fifty millimetres by eight , which exited directly under a rubber bumper . That could possibly be the problem I thought . So did Michel , when I called him to inspect my work . Michel is a man of few words , none of them English . Squatting with me in an inch of dust , he stroked my ground - out patch which had grown to almost a metre high and half as wide , and said quietly , " Beau " , which I took to be a compliment . As the sun is setting across the harbour , I can 't say for sure if it 's due to doing actual work much of the day again , or being in confined spaces upside down with an angle grinder , or breathing champignon spores or grinding dust or whether it 's just not drinking enough red wine , but I 'm completely knackered . It 's not as if I haven 't found things for the smaller of us to do either , scrubbing the inside of a locker that reminded me just too much of one I had to cut myself out of with an angle grinder when we were building Piglet , and she looked to me to be of a size that would actually be able to move while inside . Perhaps it 's the stress of being an " honorary assistant " on Jacques ' briefing team for new hirers . He had two Australian customers coming in last night and asked if I 'd accompany him during their orientation to translate . Now Jacques speaks perfectly understandable English , and I suspect that besides being a very smart piece of salesmanship on his part by welcoming his customers with a familiar accent , it was really a ruse to get me on the water and moving for a bit because he knows that we 've been here for nearly a week and the urge to move on is starting to outweigh the urge to complete the work we 've been talking about . Never the less , the experience was interesting and mostly pleasurable . In the case of one party , ( who shall remain nameless but in the unlikely event that they find this blog , you know who you are ) it was delightful . After the formalities were over , and " we 'd " conquered a lock together , and in the process rescued another hirer from a serious predicament in the same lock , we retired to the comfort of the good ship Joyeux and had coffee and crepes chocked full of banana and nutella and told stories for what was left of the morning until the rain stopped . I 'm fairly certain that after I 'd accidentally passed a rope under a lifeline instead of over it , and loudly drew everyone 's attention to the fact that they should never ever under any circumstances do as I had just done , that they thought it was part of the show . Fairly certain . Actually , I don 't think I am knackered . Despite the undoubted joy that I get from pulling things apart and putting them back together clean and no longer squeaking , I think I am suffering moving withdrawals . We can always fix the boat next year . Or the year after that . Small repairs on boats have a way of turning themselves into large repairs , it 's something to do with the law of the sea , and from the moment I lifted the first corner of disintegrating plywood and found the champignons , I began to suspect that this would be one of those days . After several hours , the entire floor of our cabin , the wall framing and some of the lining found it 's way to the skip , and we now have a clean dry cabin that doesn 't smell of mushroom compost . After several more hours , all of the penetrating bolts had been removed and reseated in proper sealant , and the skin on five or six of my knuckles had probably already started to heal . The lack of floor is admittedly a little inconvenient , but once we 've worked out how to get a sheet of plywood back from the hardware store forty kilometres away balanced on a pair of bicycles , the repair work should be a doddle . Leaks are like rust , they never stop . The rain has given a great excuse just to fiddle with things , but one of the problems with trying to finish off fixing job in the rain is that there 's water everywhere and one can 't tell if the leak has stopped or not , then if it has and the bolts are made of metal , which mostly they are , the condensation starts forming on them and they look as though they are leaking anyway even if they aren 't . The other problem with fixing the big leaks is that the little ones now seem big , but at least we are down to one at each end of the boat , and since each is centred over a bed , we should be able to tell easily enough when they are fixed easily enough . Of course the little ones are the hardest to fix , so it remains to be seen whether anything gets done or not . We 've lost a day . We have no idea how it got to be Thursday night when we haven 't even had Thursday morning , but apparently it is which is just as well really because we 've done enough today to last for two . With just a teensy bit of luck the forward cabin may start behaving less like a colander if the forecast rain happens for the next week , and the bilge pump float switch is now beautifully and permanently located so we can be confident that we won 't sink , and the sliding door has been adjusted to within an inch of its life , and in two lines I 've just described three days ' work . Life isn 't all work of course , there 's still that magical weather and it just didn 't seem right to be walking alone , so we borrowed Freda for the morning to make us look more French . I know , I know , a Highland Terrier isn 't all that French , but she doesn 't seem to understand any particular language and although she 'd never let on in public , she seemed to enjoy herself . The harbour looked stunning from the other side of the canal , and we may have been delayed for a not terribly short while while we had coffee with Helen and Chris ( on the barge bottom right ) as we attempted to pass . If it hadn 't been for the need to fill some holes before the rain started we 'd still be there , and it would be Friday before we knew it . With our cabin stripped of all that is useful , things such as a floor , wall linings and a bed , and the forward cabin the subject of almost the same degree of in - piecedness awaiting today 's inspection by " our chaps " , in the absence of any other alternative the saloon table bed seemed to be the most comfortable option . Despite the luxury of sleeping on two mattress thicknesses it seems my system decided that I may well have had enough sleep for a week the night previous . As one eye opened in the early morn to watch the stars through the windscreen the church bell 's struck five . An hour or so later the stars had faded gently behind the morning fog , unlike the bells which take the six o ' clock call very seriously indeed . Just sixty minutes further into the day , as the light began to make its presence felt , the whiteness of the morning had become quite apparent to any among us who , like I , may have taken the bell 's rousing call to action seriously . The temperature at least had the decency to begin in double figures this time and so it was that another perfectly clear warm day began , as indeed did a rush of urgency to get on with things while we can . In a day or two the weather will give us a chance to see if the leaks have been fixed , although mid breakfast I could say for certain that they haven 't without the benefit of precipitation . But it 's a long time between meals , and while the list for " the chaps " is now complete , every screw I undid today led to an extension of what started out to be a very reasonable ( read almost non - existent ) workload for moi . It 's amazing what almost 12 hours asleep will do to lift the fog rolling across one 's countenance . By eight this morning though , that fog had been replaced by another which for a time hid a perfect sky and a " Sunshine Coast mid twenties , windless winter 's day " . While one of us got decidedly chilled just taking the photo then pottering in the 6 ° comfort of the saloon thankful that we aren 't here for all that minus twenty nonsense that goes on in winter , the other quite wisely remained " chilled " but toasty warm buried under a pile of doonas for a few more chimings of the church bell . Perhaps we should have moved on under that electric blue sky , but that would have wasted a perfect day for doing absolutely nothing , or pulling the leaking bits apart and re - shuffling the bed frame or oiling the grates in the bathroom floors and catching up on the washing . We have three weeks you see . Three weeks to think of everything and do everything and get it all sorted before next year . In the midst of that thought , as suddenly as the second fog had lifted , the last vestige of the first disappeared as well , and his brain became just as clear as the sky ; The sun came up again today and at that very moment we were in France . It would be a bit unkind to say that we hadn 't seen the sun for a while , but quite accurate to say we haven 't seen sun like this . Warm sun that comes out of a blue sky and glistens on the top of the water and makes us alternately squint and not squint as its reflections joggle about . We thought we 'd quite settled into life in London , and we did rather like pottering about and being with the kids . We liked it a lot . As soon as we arrived at the harbour though , we both felt strangely , warmly , at home . Perhaps when it 's 8 ° in the morning and we haven 't got the heater working we 'll feel quite differently , but for now we are home and busting to see if Mr Perkins loves us enough to take us somewhere for those three short weeks we have left in his company this year . Five weeks to go , three on the boat , and we are on our way back to our other home ( or the one the Main Roads Department owns to be technically correct ) and we 'll have to think about things for a bit , like where to put our stuff next year for instance . Five weeks . More than most people have away at one time without taking long service leave , and yet we are seeing it as a winding down time in a sense . We are fighting to remain in a state of being here , not moving into one of packing up . We 've been fortunate enough to have visited the last three Olympic venues at about the same time in their construction programme . Sydney , looked ambitious and sensible at the same time , Beijing was ambitious and incredible even before completion and after a stroll around London 's construction site our first impression is that it looks , well , small really , dwarfed by the area of land surrounding it , a trick of the light perhaps . It probably isn 't as these things go , with a planned capacity of 80 , 000 people which as luck would have it is exactly two seventy - thirds of the number of people who travel on the Underground each day , which makes me want to ponder a bit on whether all the fears of congestion in the City during the time of the Olympics might be just a tad ill founded . It 's capacity makes it the third largest arena in the country , but as if to make some sort of a statement about the British fondness for outdoor entertainment , after the games it will be reduced to a very sensible 25 , 000 , about the length of a queue at a typical Fish and Chip Shop , which come to think of it is exactly how we rounded off our evening . Lest we had done it a grave injustice by lamenting it 's demise prematurely , we decided to see if Portobello Markets were any more to our satisfaction on Friday , the day when " the street comes alive with hundreds of traders with their antique wares " . There were certainly a few more traders , although we didn 't see the Russian dolls this time so perhaps they 've moved on , and one or two stall holders were selling their Auntie Maud 's or perhaps their Mum 's silver which was at least partially gratifying . There were significant displays of second hand apparel of the kind worn on the cover of Sergeant " Pepper 's Lonely Hearts Club Band " which to be fair did hark back to the good old days somewhat but still nothing that struck a chord as novel or new ( in an old sort of way of course ) . Perhaps age has indeed wearied them . Age and " Made in China " . One of the " New Cockney " traders told me that he 'd hardly sold a thing , which meant he would barely have anything to send home to his Mother in Karachi this month , confirming my suspicions that perhaps he didn 't get his tan in the East End . The little artists co - op gallery we stumbled into on the walk home put some nice icing on our cake - walk , to say nothing of keeping us out of the autumn chill for half an hour or so . Thankfully in a city this size there is always something new to stumble across and discover without having to rely on the tired old half dozen spots on which the tourist brochures have relied for half a century . SHARE : Joan noted yesterday that we had seen " The Lion King " in Sydney , and now we can say we 've seen it in Sydney twice , or at least the stage was so far away if it wasn 't in Sydney it wasn 't too far from it and it definitely had a different postcode to where we were sitting . To make things even more interesting , our seats were also quite elevated as well . To be more accurate they were so far up the stairs that I 'm fairly sure if we 'd turned left instead of right we would have actually seen StPeter manning the other door . To be fair though , the seats were very cheap in a relative sense , ( compared perhaps to the cost of purchasing the entire theatre for instance ) and there were binoculars for our convenience attached to the seat backs which could become unattached by simply inserting a Pound in a slot . It is suffice to say that despite that generous offer , none of our binoculars became detached . Perhaps it was the seats , or perhaps it was the production with which Mr Disney has so cleverly captured the imagination of the common man , but we found ourselves seated among all manner of theatre going riff raff . Throughout the performance the upstairs crowd seemed to want to compete with those on stage , serenading us with a constant drone of chatter interspersed with the occasional " clap along completely out of time and a few bars behind , no in front of the music " . When ever the lions got to within a few inches of holding hands , wolf whistles would echo through the the theatre . Wolf whistles for crying out loud , for the King of Beasts . It was enough for me to want to send an email to the lady in front of us who was clearly attending electronically to matters of state during the performance . At no time did the lions ever get as close as the couple next to me though , who seemed to be preening each other 's tonsils in turn . Surely they must have met in the theatre and become instantly smitten . If this was a preconceived plan , they could have had a night at the Savoy for the same price as two Dress Circle tickets in the Lyceum . We hadn 't quite covered the Monopoly Board before we ran out of steam yesterday , so today it was Park Lane and Oxford Street and pretty much everything else we 'd missed except " Go to Gaol " although one of us thought that might be a possibility if we didn 't stop walking against the red " Don 't Walk " signs . Past Selfridges amazing window displays , into Hamleys Toy Store which has been there since before James Cook left on his journeys of discovery , down Carnaby Street which perhaps has changed just a tad since Twiggy and her mates were young , once more to Leicester Square and into the den of the ticket touts we rolled and before we could ask " are you sure we 'll be able to see the stage ? " we were separated from the contents of our credit card . Tomorrow evening , Gaol not withstanding we will see the Lion King at the Lyceum . Innocents abroad . In Leicester Square among the ticket touts , preparations were underway for a film premiere , with rows of people wrapped in clear plastic bags sitting in their camping stools with thermos ' in hand , waiting patiently for Will Ferrel to wander past many hours hence . It mustn 't be cool to wait in raincoats . Waiting in the rain for Will Ferrel doesn 't seem like the epitome of cool either come to think of it . I 'm not sure that revisiting Portobello Road without the crowds was a good thing in retrospect . It gave us time to see just how little anyone has moved on in forty years , and it confirmed that we should perhaps have liked to have remembered it as it was in an era long gone . There is a new retail clothing outlet on a street corner near here which seems to have created rather a ruckus among the " save Portobello Road " mob , which it seems is being stewed slowly in its own juices without being aware of it . It 's proponents cry that the small merchants will be pushed out by the chains , that the place will lose it 's character , but they clearly haven 't seen it from the eyes of a visitor . The characters that once were there , are gone , replaced by a pseudo chain of cheap souvenir hawkers . While it seemed that it would be wise to pack up a lot of the work on display before the street refuse collectors arrived , there were some among the throng who could only be described as " undiscovered " . I found myself inexplicably confronting my old misgivings about my own stuff , once again riding the waves of uncertainty which roll in without logic whenever I start to think about chewing what I have bitten off in the art world . But as if to allay if not completely exorcise my thoughts , we received a call with news that all continues to be very well received in Orleans apparently , with feedback since the " soft " opening of the exhibition being brilliantly positive . Logically not only are we well beyond the point of no return , but with the exception of a sale or two have already managed a successful outcome by our own measures and we have a plan to visit there next week , at which time I 'm sure those questionable feelings will give way to smug satisfaction then ! Even on a fine and relatively warm morning in London the dawn seems grey and unappetising . The fine respectable white faced buildings of Bayswater at first appear embarrassed that we are peering at their nether regions , but after a time they just ignore us and we them . Admittedly after a cup of coffee everything in Queens Mews is brighter at street level and there are plenty of other views to dissect at any rate , and I 'm already feeling sorry that I caught them in their morning attire . I framed a tinfoil Freddo wrapper some time in the seventies declaring to all who cared to listen that some day it would be worth a fortune , I still have it and if I 'd been completely insane and added to it every waking hour for thirty years or so as Robert did , even then it probably wouldn 't be worth a cracker . I suspect that opening a museum would be an incredibly efficient way of making a small fortune out of a larger one , but I 'm thankful that someone 's done it ! SHARE : One can almost see Paris from the top of the Rechicourt lock early in the morning , or at least at 9 : 00 which is early as these things go . The rain is clearing for a bit just to prove the weathermen wrong and we quite like it when they are in this case , but there seems little doubt that they will be increasingly correct with their predictions for rain and more rain for the next few days . Even without the rain , some of the wind gusts we experienced today made me think that a smart person would be thinking about heading to London , perhaps with a day in Paris enroute . The taxi is booked for 9 : 00 tomorrow and if we can find a train to take us there , that 's exactly what we 'll do . It 's a strange feeling preparing to leave life afloat for a time . We 've barely been aboard for two months , yet feel as though it 's been all of our lives . We 've even set an alarm to help us adapt to the old ways . Not for the first time this summer we found ourselves closing on the big lock at Rechicourt on a cold , bleak and generally hideously wet evening . We didn 't get there of course , we never do , and in true wandering Hobbit fashion we once again sought the comfort of a friendly forest , just a few kilometres from our nemesis . Tomorrow , we will once again steel ourselves and continue our private battle with the dreaded " Rechicourt " and then almost in a blink we will be home in Lagarde , packing for a grand adventure . SHARE : Meanwhile the flowers in the courtyard of the house beside our mooring keep trying to tell us over morning coffee that there 's plenty of warm weather left during the day , and as if to reinforce that view , the lull between the holiday season and the low season is well and truly over for the hire boats as well . In summer every boat was covered in family groups of all ages , we had once spoken to a Belgian group with thirteen aboard across four generations , but that was admittedly at the extreme end of the scale . Now they are all party boats , full of young adults and blokey groups and macho men wearing sailors hats . Perhaps the loudest was the group that passed with speakers the size of a large refrigerator , and more beer than could fit in said refrigerator , with a generator lashed to the back to power it all . Unless Joel and Cindy are in town and they happen to find a spot for their motorhome just beside the very spot we 've moored , not that things are anything but deathly quiet for a long time after the sun comes up , but before it goes down there 's a dull roar from within Joyeux that goes on for longer than we would consider polite if we weren 't here ourselves . After nearly ten years driving round Europe they 've been considering swapping the truck for a boat but are having some serious problems with the lack of pace , noting that by their calculations we 've travelled six kilometres in the past week . That is not quite true though , we 've done the sums and we happen to know that it 's nine kilometres and in the coming four days we 'll travel another thirty , so we will have averaged almost twenty a week for the fortnight and we can 't see anything slow about that . What a difference a day makes , or in this case a few weeks . When last we arrived in Lutzelbourg , visibility was not much , rain was continuous , storms lashed us all night and we ducked out into the drizzle for a walk to the ruins of the chateau which loomed like a grey spectre over the town . To top it off it was peak holiday month and finding a mooring in town was no simple matter . We actually belted extra stakes into the footpath to hold us during the gales that night . But we loved the place even so . Today we arrived on the third of Autumn , shiny bits on the boat shining under postcard perfect clear skies , perfect temperature and the trees turning ever so early ( well they don 't have anything to clean I suppose ) , with the harbour completely deserted . The postcard perfect Ruby and Jean - Luc at the postcard perfect Patisserie / Tea Salon made us a postcard perfect cake each , and we went on a postcard perfect cycle up the postcard perfect abandoned flight of locks through the postcard perfect mountain forests tumbling almost vertically down to the postcard perfect waterway . Tomorrow , I shall be specially alert , and if , while I am lying in bed in the latter part of the early hours of the morn , I hear someone shout " Cue the sun ! " my suspicions will be confirmed . SHARE : True to forecast , the weather continued to hover around the " glorious " end of the scale , so we did what any sensible person would do , and kept cleaning things . Not just things that get cleaned in the course of a normal life , things like the insides of the battery boxes , and the window sliders and the aluminium brackets that hold the roof mechanism . Things that haven 't seen fresh air for thirty years sort of cleaning , and maybe things that need a new screw here and a drop of oil there sort of cleaning . It 's all stuff that we 've been meaning to do of course , and now we have . Three loads we had saved up , everything we owned really , for this day . There again , everyone in Saverne had done the same . Doonas were arriving and queueing for the " big " machine , perhaps the last chance before it really gets damp , and thankfully our guardian angel was there to let us in . On entering , addressing the curious gallery , I offered my usually apology about language and the Antipodes , which seemed at first to have no impact whatsoever , although one could clearly see in the eyes of each of those before me , that when I said I couldn 't speak enough French to be useful , there was no difficulty reaching unanimous agreement . She of the loud voice having already saved us once , decided that we did reasonably well with her last lot of directions , after all we were inside were we not , so clearly she was going to be the one to sort us out . To be fair , in addition to the volume adopted , she was by now speaking terribly simply with perfect annunciation , one word at a time taking us step by step through the process of putting our detergent in the machine , the money in , and waiting half an hour until , with an even louder voice she half shouted VOILA ! !
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Spooky Bingo On election night we played Bingo as a family . It took the edge off of whatever temporary crisis we were experiencing at the dinner table - - I think it was something about Vivian being too helpful and leaving Isaac , ( bless his heart , our least . . . um . . . housework inclined family member ) , without a task to complete at dinner time . Never mind that usually it 's like pulling teeth to get him to do his minimal chores - - it was the principal of the matter . Vivian overstepped her boundaries and Isaac would not suffer the indignity of being denied the privilege of wiping down the table . Rather he would suffer the indignity of tears in his spaghetti until distracted by a round of Halloween Bingo ( those of you with small children can relate , right ? Halloween extends a little bit into November - - far longer than it should . In this house the Fat Lady doesn 't sing until the Jock - o - Lanterns have rotted sufficiently to fertilize next year 's front yard crop and we have begun our Christmas decorating in earnest . Nowhere have I claimed to be the most On Top of Things parent ) . Family Halloween Election Night Bingo went pretty well . We are working on taking turns , honing our " looking " skills , Isaac is learning to read and Viv is doing a bang - up job of identifying letters . We were swimming along , headed toward bedtime , after which I had a bottle of red waiting for me ( only because wine doesn 't come in blue ) and I intended to positively gorge myself on election results . All . Damn . Night . Now , I 've mentioned that I went to an all girl 's school in high school and an all women 's college . My parents probably intended to raise a nice little democrat who knew when to keep her mouth shut , but ended up with a slightly more left , more vocal , and certainly more furious banshee of a feminist daughter . Which they 're also fine with . So anyway , my emotional ass , you know I cried on and off on election day . I was elated . Elizabeth Cady Stanton was an early alum of what would become Emma Willard School , my alma matter . ( She was racist , and problematic as hell and I bring her name up only to own the fact that I know that I come from a long line of flawed activists , trying to get things right , not always succeeding , but always moving forward ) . I was going to take my daughter to vote for a woman to be president . A woman I was not thrilled , mind you , to vote for , but a woman I was proud to vote for . A qualified , hard working , brilliant politician , who has accomplished so much . She was going to win the race . She was going to usher in a new era for us , I 'd hoped . I considered driving to Susan B . Anthony 's grave in Rochester , like so many other women were doing . I stopped short of buying a pantsuit for the occasion , but that 's probably just because I was crunched for time . Democracy in action , folks ! The unauthorized patriotic tears welled in my eyes the same way they do when some previously unknown American brings home a U - Haul of gold metals from the Olympics . USA ! USA ! I didn 't recognize myself , but I didn 't care . First , women are Ghostbusters and the boy has to be the receptionist , and now this ! Now Vivi can play President Ghostbuster and nobody can tell her she 's reaching ! I was going to take my son to participate in the democracy he 'd been learning about , in the country he loves so much . His first memory of voting would be in an historic election ! High as a damn kite on the elation of such dorky matters , I floated through much of the day . I finally got them to bed , found a news station without too much distractinIsaac woke up wanting to know if " Heroyree Cwinton " had gotten to 270 . I didn 't know how to tell him no . He had been so excited , wrapped up in the rush of patriotism , of choice , of democracy . He loves the United States of America ( and math . The Electoral College , Redistricting , and Long Division haven 't marred his innocence yet ) . I will not soon forget his face when I said that no , no we weren 't going to be celebrating our first woman to head this country just yet . True disappointment . Isaac did not win Family Election Night Halloween STFU Bingo even once . Everyone else did . Some twice . " We don 't always win , buddy . Sometimes that 's just what happens . Maybe you missed a few by not paying close attention . Perhaps you would have done better with a different Bingo board , " I told him . " Maybe it 's just dumb luck , my kid " . . . But this is where I messed up . This is where I dropped that oh - so - heavy Parenting Ball , and let him play another round . Just one more game , with just one competitor : me . I let him win . I didn 't have the energy for another cry - fest . It was bedtime , I 'm tired , you 're tired , what 's one game , in the grand scheme of things ? For my part , I woke up the next morning not ready to accept my loss . Our loss . That morning there was no do - over , there was no one to gently let me win , just to ease the pain of watching everyone else around me yell " Bingo ! " ( We live in a red county . They 're all yelling Bingo ) . SO , did I screw up this important parenting lesson ? Or am I reaching for the symbolism ? I don 't know . It remains to be seen . I work hard every day to try to ensure that I am not raising children who feel entitled to The Win . I have tried to impress upon them that the various privileges of their birth are gifts that they should , no - - that they are obligated - - to share with those who are without . We donate to charity not because we have lots of money or lots of time , but because some people have less . When we can help , when we can improve something , we do . We are a family of problem solvers . The racist and sexist backlash I have already begun to see across the country are a huge problem . And here we are , every day , sending our children out into this environment . How do we , as a family , do our part to solve this ? I wish I could take back the fake win from my son . I vow , however , never to let myself slide like that again . Boy - o , the truth is , sometimes we don 't win , no matter how long we played , how bad we wanted it or how much was at stake . But listen closely , my Pride and Joy , my Practice Kid , my Soul in Another 's Body . . . sometimes we don 't win . But there are far , far more people out there who lose much more , and much more frequently than you will . It 's up to us to help them get the wins they deserve , even if it means packing up the game without one personal victory at all . Posted by Dated July 17th , 2014 " I have been putting off this post for a few months because I am swamped , and in part , because I don 't even know where to start . Matt has cancer , which is WHAT ? He was diagnosed in the beginning of June with Stage 3 testicular cancer . ( And lord , I have typed out the word " testicular " , like , nine thousand times since then - - and my damn phone still won 't auto correct for it ! ) Most people reading this probably already know that info , and I am hesitant to be so self - indulgent as to assume that anyone is interested in what I have to say on the subject beyond " things are good , we 're hanging in there " etc . But then I started thinking that maybe other . . . Well , it 's January now , and as most of you are probably well aware , cancer won and Matt didn 't make it . I didn 't have too much to say on the subject in July , and I guess I don 't have much to say about it right now either . It 's not that I don 't have a lot to talk about , it is just difficult to put it out in little bits for public consumption . I only feel that if I don 't address it on this blog , then I will never touch it again . It will be this hanging silence . I want everyone to know that the kids and I are doing well . We miss Matt every day , and we talk about him all the time . I got a new job and a new car , and soon we will be moving into a new house . With all of the sad changes that happened to us , it helps to have some happy ones , ones that would make Matt happy , too . Being a widow is the pits , and I tend to hesitate before making complaints and jokes about raising the kids now , because part of me still thinks " well , at least you 're here to do it , asshole " . I don 't want to not be funny , though , because that 's such a huge part of my life , my personality , and made up so much of my relationship with my husband . But I don 't want to be a crass , insensitive piece of shit either . So I guess the purpose of this post is twofold . First off , to acknowledge what has happened to our family and not leave it as the elephant in the blog , and secondly , to respectfully ask your permission to resume making jokes at the expense of my children and myself . Can we do that together , you and I ? I need to get my little fingers back on the keyboard and make light of the everyday hassle of living with toddlers , and I need an audience . I 'm simply not living if people aren 't laughing at me . Maybe now that the ice has been broken I will be able to get back at it . I hope there 's no objections ! Xoxo miss you guys ! serious cabin fever . Days and days of opening gifts have apparently yielded us nothing worth playing with anymore . A whole room dedicated solely to toys is but a wasteland , covered in post - holiday fallout . Trucks with broken wheels lie on one side , discarded to follow Mom to the bathroom . Vintage Fisher Price Little People and their accompanying village have been abandoned , the little round People scattered in a deadly array just inside the door , practically begging to be employed in the breaking of an ankle . Fourteen useless pieces of a sixteen - piece puzzle don 't even merit being picked up and put away - - it 's over . The trill is gone . The children have fallen back into their old favorite pastimes , the one 's that don 't require material possessions , the budding little Buddhists that they are . Isaac enjoys his usual routine of being constantly underfoot , while occasionally mixing it up by losing Mom 's car key , taking things away from his sister , or , when given the opportunity , removing all the clean clothes from the laundry basket . His Vivian , for her part , has more refined tastes . Specifically , a taste for electricity . Her only requirement is that her time be spent putting , or attempting to put , her fingers into light sockets , sucking on Christmas lights , or toppling floor lamps . Why bother with the giant basket of plastic , squeeking baby toys , when there 's power strips to be poked ? " If I try and look cute , perhaps she won 't notice that I 'm trying to abscond with the car key again ! " Joke 's on him : that 's the spare . There 's no way this plan could backfire , I 'm sure of it . Oh how we have taken pleasant weather for granted in this household ! Why , when the temperature is anything above 22 degrees , are we not at the park ? How easily we forget the days - - the long , long , lonely days where going somewhere is such an ordeal that you don 't leave the house for six months except for diapers and wine ? In the spring and summer months , going to the park requires three things : the kids , the parents , and shoes . In the winter , even in pleasanter temperatures , leaving the house for 30 seconds is like outfitting a Roman legion for battle . The packing ! The preparation ! First , you 've got to get the kids ' damn attention , stop them from climbing the curtains like feral cats , and focus their energies on locating one pair of shoes . Ideally , you 'll find climate appropriate footwear , but sometimes you can 't be choosy , and flip - flops will have to do . Just don 't put the kid down in the snow . After shoes comes " hat - a - coat - a - mittens " , as Isaac says . Locating those is also such a tremendous hassle that we have a giant bin , a grab - bag , if you will , of outerwear accessories . Then there 's parent boots , hat - a - coat - a - mittens , purse , baby carrier , diaper bag ( ish thing , if you , unlike me , haven 't given up on that redundant piece of luggage long ago ) , car keys , spouse . . . that 's not even the hard part . We haven 't even gotten to the car seats yet . . . And don 't forget : that 's just on your way to somewhere . You still have to get there , do whatever it is you came to do , get everyone back in the car , unload them at home , in addition to unloading all the wine and diapers you just bought . ( In case you 're wondering , this is the point where all of the hats and mittens go missing , the wet boots end up thrown outside , and the car key is unguarded , ripe for the toddler picking ) . I need to be reminded all of this crap in April when I 'm like " I don 't feel like taking the kids to the park . It 's too sunny " . Remember , Sarah , it could be worse : it could be January . Something Christmasy Guys , I 'm going to come clean here . I like Christmas . I don 't love Christmas , I don 't hate it , really . I just enjoy it like a regular person . And , while it often leaves me feeling like this : Christmas isn 't the enemy . It 's not the most wonderful time of the year , sure , ( my birthday is . That 's my favorite drinking holiday ! ) , but it isn 't the worst time of the year , either ( my birthday is , because it 's also Isaac 's birthday , my niece 's birthday , my mother 's birthday , mother 's day , the end of the school year and memorial day . It 's a lot to pull off with a hangover ) . Here 's what I like - - and often love about Christmas : the story . It has always struck me that any organized religion would let one of its biggest holidays belong to a mother and child . It makes me tear up every year to think about a young woman giving birth in such fraught circumstances . Seriously . I love that winter holidays center on light in the darkness . I love the candles , the soft twinkling lights . I love the reminder that it brings us that even in the darkest of days , there is light . Whether that light be hope , be a promise of the eventual return of spring , or if it is in celebration of what many believe to be the birth of their baby savior , the light thing also gets me every time . Family , giving , wishes for peace , a time when people genuinely consider the better natures of their beings to be in charge . . . those are all the amazing things that manage to get scrooges like me all giddy warm inside . Know what I fuckin hate though ? The Elf On The Shelf . This mother f - er has got to go . I feel like I wasn 't consulted about this phenomenon , you know ? Like , there defiantly should have been a conference , or at least an online poll about whether we , as parents , are down with participating in the Elf craze . Cause I would have voted no ! Nononononono ! Emphatic no . How do I hate the Elf On The Shelf ? Let me count the ways . Let 's see , well , first off , I hate him cause he 's not real . He wasn 't a thing when I was a kid , and I wasn 't a kid that long ago , really . Why should I get all involved in another damn " tradition " when the holidays are just oozing tradition already ? So , bare minimum , the average family celebrating Christmas has a tree . A tree to pick out , drive home , set up properly , decorate and keep alive long enough to open presents . Not altogether easy . Then you have the gifts , the cookies , the dinner , the church services , the carols , the movies , the books , the stockings , the treats for Santa , and getting drunk with your family . That 's enough ! But on top of that there 's advent calendars , 25 days of Christmas books to open and read with your children ( which I do think is kind of cute , but cool it , Pinterest , we get it ) , and now , the god damned elf . Where is there time for me to incorporate this stupid non - tradition ? I am set in my ways and I have no space for you , Elf . Which brings me to my second point : I have no time for you , Elf . Right now , my kids are still young enough to be afraid of Santa and try to eat the pine needles that fall off the tree . I have a grace period before the Elf thing becomes a real issue . But does anyone else feel like this is just some sort of trick being played on parents ? Like we don 't have enough to do daily , now we have to remember to cook up some dumb ass shenanigans for the Elf to get into every night for nearly a month ? Gimmie a break . My 10 year old niece is still a " believer " , and she 'll come over , bless her too - old - for - this heart , and ask me if my elf is sick ( yes , we have one , a " gift " from my sister in law . Thanks , K ! ) . I have no idea why she would think a toy is sick , except yeah , she thinks its real , and there 's rules to the Elf . It has to move every day . Kids can 't touch it . And if it gets sick ( meaning Mom forgot to move it last night ) , it will only wake up by doing it 's drug of choice , Cinnamon , or something like that . So now I have to move the Elf every day , on the off chance that Reilly is going to come over , or the whole thing will be blown . Our lies will be discovered . I don 't have time for this nonsense ! I barely get to brush my hair and find matching socks ! Now you want me to make time to play fucking dolls every night before I go to bed ? Noooo thanks . So , if I don 't do the Elf , I am the ruiner . If I chose not to participate , my kids don 't participate . So , then what ? How do I deal with the inevitable schoolyard questions ? Why don 't Isaac and Vivian have an elf ? Because their mom A ) is trying to instil an intrinsically based value - system in which her children will discover the true rewards of kind and generous behavior without the external pressure from an elvin spy ? B ) is seriously creeped out by the heavy - handed consumerist message that comes with Christmas generally , and the Elf On The Shelf , specifically ? C ) is not that nice ? D ) is just tired ? Do I have to try and sell my kids a bill of goods about " magic " and " belief " ? Can I tell them the truth , that the elf thing is a load of crap and I just don 't want to do it , sorry ? Will they spoil the fun for the other moms kids ? I don 't want my kids being the " you know , that 's not real " kids ! Ugh ! Thanks Elf , for making me have to worry about this shit , too ! Jerk . Lastly , I hate the one - upmanship ( " look how creative and silly I got with my elf last night ! I covered my entire first floor with ice and blamed it on the Elf ! " ) , the sexism and adult jokes disguised as kid - fun ( " my elf is snorting cinnamon rails off Barbie 's ass ! I 'm so irreverent ! " ) , and the general cheeky mischief that the elf is supposed to get into ( " Haha , our elf ate all the Christmas cookies ! " ) . Why is he such a dick ? What is the fun in inviting a little spy into our homes at all , let alone if he is the one acting like a complete asshole while he 's there ? What is the message for our kids ? I just don 't get it . It 's fun for the parents , I guess , and there 's not a whole lot that 's still fun for us this time of year , truth be told . I don 't mean to hate on you parents doing your Elf thing . Do it up , man . Enjoy . Start your own traditions with your kids , ride that wave ! For our part , my father is still making batches of lebkuchen and Springerle cookies every year , as tradition dictates . And , as tradition dictates , no one eats them . Cause they 're both gross . ( Sorry , Dad ) . But he makes them every year , because that 's what 's done . We have traditions that are old , to which we still cling . And while I 'm not sure if I 'll be the one to roll out those anise cookies once the torch has been passed , I am pretty sure that I 'm not in the market for anything new , either . Call me old fashioned ( please ) . I just don 't want to participate . But I 'm not the boss of me anymore , either , and I suppose if the time comes that the kids want the elf to do his thing . . . then Matt can do it , cause I am not doing that shit ! If you ever feel like you 're not doing enough to show your community just how far you are in over your head with this whole Parenting thing , this expert suggests a trip to Wegman 's in the rain . Bring both kids , at , say , noon on - the - dot . Plan on getting lunch and groceries . Your first order of business should be to dress your baby in a black novelty onesie and your 4T wearing son in a 2T girl 's sweatshirt with an embroidered heart and puffy sleeves because that 's all you have handy . And a newsie cap that is too big . Do not , under any circumstances , remember an umbrella . In fact , don 't even own an umbrella , that 's too easy . Once you and both children " run " through the parking lot , ( an act you 've told them no fewer than 9 , 000 times is strictly forbidden and " safety second " ) stopping , of course , to pick up dropped toys , tie shoes , pull off the hat , pull up a hood and look at a red truck , be sure to loose track of the toddler as you stop to wipe off your glasses inside . Don 't worry , the staff at the grocery store know him by now and will just point him in your direction eventually . Once you decide that pizza is a good idea , grab a cup with no lid and some juice . Struggle to keep the infant in your lap as you cut the pizza into triangles ( not squares ! ) for your toddler . Pretend to smile and listen to the teeny tiny old lady next to you as she tells you how cute your son is ( she 's referring , of course , to your daughter , but who has the energy to correct her ? Maybe parents are naming their sons Vivian these days , I don 't fucking know . Luckily , she doesn 't either ) . As the baby enjoys a fistful of your hair , finish packing up the lunch mess , including the napkins from spill # 1 . Cue spill # 2 , this one resulting in " down the wrong pipe " choking , tears , and requiring a shirt change . Change your son 's cool cool robot shirt in the packed cafe at Wegman 's and just leave the heart sweatshirt on , zipped , with his belly button hanging out . Ignore the kind young police officer 's offer of assistance . I don 't know why . Because you couldn 't possibly know where to begin ? Because he probably can 't breastfeed Viv ? And because , generally , fuck the police ? Poor guy , he 's probably going to turn all Training Day now that he 's seen what people are really like . Ready to get groceries ? Great . Don 't bother getting out your list , your hands are full enough already . One hand from trying to keep the baby in the carrier as she tries to climb out and nourish herself on your chin , with a side of more hair ( sorry , I forgot to remind you to forget your hair - tie . Having damp , stringy hair in your face / daughters sticky , vice - grip hands and mouth through this whole ordeal is a key element ) . The other hand is occupied trying to keep Isaac from whacking people with his new Cool Cool Umbrella that we had to buy upon entry to the store . Besides , who needs a list ? Just go from memory . You remember what you need , right ? Coffee filters , crayons , bread , oh shit , dinner , something else you can 't quite remember - - was it cheese ? Surely it wasn 't cheese . Oh well , let 's say it was bananas . There . Finished . Check out , run outside in the rain , watch the umbrella blow away , chase it though the parking lot , get home , unload the kids , don 't even give one flying fuck that the shirtless toddler wants to play umbrella inside and watch Dora Saves Santa for the 8th time in two days just leave me alone and let me make dinner ! Start dinner . Remember that it was milk you needed . Milk . The only thing you ever need , ever , on every list , for every trip out of the house . Just get milk . First off , I 'd like to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for sharing and re - sharing my last post . It went on to be published by the very cool website Offbeat Families and was very positively received . Thanks for helping me get there , thus helping me continue to not get paid for something I do well , just on a broader scale . lol . lowercase . I really need to get on this " getting published " thing one of these days . So , lately , I see a lot of my pals starting or expanding their young families . If any of you are like me , you 're constantly clicking on those listcicles on parenting websites and The Huffington Post with titles like " 8 things I wish I knew before having kids " and " Three Words That Changed The Way I Parent ( They 're Not What You Think ) " , " Parenting : 77 Ways You 're Doing It Wrong " , " This One Lady Got Her Infant To Sleep Easily This One Time . Read In Envy and Frustration " . Basically , advice from people who either have really good children or no children at all , writing articles for the rest of us to read on our phones at 3 am while our youngest engages in a World Record breaking nursing session for the ninth night in a row . So now I want to share some non - wisdom , some common sense , some shit that The Stir is probably wouldn 't publish because it 's so duh . Parenting " hacks " , if you will . I hate that word , so , I won 't . Like , as close as you can before you have the baby . Even if you have to go in there when you 're in early labor , just go get a quick trim . Especially if this is your second baby . The next time you have time to go to a salon for real will be for your child 's wedding . I understand now why when we were kids it seemed like every mom had the same haircut for our entire childhood . It 's because she did . Don 't bother with your nails . Watching your nail polish chip away with no recourse is depressing . And I dare you to try to sneak in an at - home mani while your baby sleeps . I dare you . Working as a server for ten years , to me , dinner was a shift . A shift that either I worked or a shift that another server worked while I sat down and was served . And served in the most gluttonous sense . Course upon course , cocktail upon cocktail . . . I did my best to try and spend my way into gout , dropping every last penny on food and drink , never imagining a day I might actually need some of that money for silly shit like groceries . Those were the days . It seemed quaint to me that families actually sat down at home to enjoy a meal that one of them prepared . Not everyone could be a badass like me , I guess , and settle for a slice of turkey on a stale dinner roll and some leftover fries to suffice as a meal . Imagine my surprise when I was first home with Isaac and realized that if I were to be fed , it would be up to me to find and prepare food . I know , right ? So , lesson learned , before I had Vivian I sat down and prepared a whole bunch of meals that could be tossed in the crock pot or just slow - cooked on the stove top during the day . Make up a month 's worth . You can find recipes on Pinterest and such . If you 're breastfeeding , you 're going to be wicked hungry , so seriously , just do this . It sucks , it hurts in the beginning , you always worry about one damn thing or another , you have to plan your wardrobe around pulling your boobs out and your partner can 't ever trade off a feeding with you ( at least in the early days ) . You know what , though ? It really is as great as " they " say . I 've done both , and far and away , breastfeeding is more convenient . It is so much easier and cheaper than formula , you don 't have to prepare bottles all damn night , you just roll over and give the baby a boob . You get used to the idea of nursing in public so your wardrobe becomes less and less of an issue . I 've never felt like I was out of place nursing outside my home . I know some women are still harassed , but I have never encountered it . At least not yet . And god help anyone who does give me shit , at this point ! When you have a second baby , especially , it is nice to breastfeed . It gives you time to just cuddle up with your new one , leaving your toddler to , you know , run the house and jump on the furniture and whatever else they do . I feel like if I were purely bottle feeding Viv , I would never get one - on - one time with her . Literally , never . Isaac is a demanding kid . If you can 't breastfeed , don 't beat yourself up . It 's not a race , you 're doing great anyway , and your baby is no less loved . Do not engage yourself in " Mommy Wars " or " Mom Guilt " or whatever the fuck magazines want you to engage in . You 're doing great . Horrible people , who , when they stop terrorizing you long enough to give you a little hug and say " I wub oo Ma - ee " , are the best people in the world . Enjoy your screaming , pooping , non - sleeping infant who can 't talk . They grow into screaming , pooping , non - sleeping toddlers who have opinions on everything . And I 've heard that they usually become teenagers not too long after that , so . . . The following items will come up more than you know : Your SSN , your partner 's SSN and your child 's SSN . Make copies of your birth certificates , your lease ( if you rent ) , and your health insurance card . You never know when you might have to send that stuff in to one agency or another , and it helps having them all in once place , ready to go . Trust me , I lost both my birth certificate and Isaac 's . What a hassle . 6 . Stop Googling Everything Your baby is most likely fine , you 're just going to make yourself nuts . If something really is wrong with her , you 'll know . And WebMd won 't be able to help you , just a real Md . Relax . They all spit up a lot , they all cry a lot , none of them sleep , they only look blind in the beginning , their ears aren 't abnormally small , newborns kind - of quiver in the first few days , like they 're shivering , it 's normal , cradle cap goes away ( put some olive oil on it for a minute and brush it gently with a baby toothbrush . Voila ) . These are all things I Googled , by the way . Also , when their belly button falls off , it 's super gross and kind of smells weird . And no , the baby 's guts will not fall out through that hole . 7 . Accept Help For some reason , when Isaac was born , I almost took offense to my mother coming around to do things like clean my sink . I saw it as an insult , in a way , like she was saying that my house was dirty ( which it was , and which it remains ) . That wasn 't her intent at all , I know now that I 'm not a New Mom Hormonal Mess . People want to help you when you have a new baby . Let them . One day they stop showing up and your sink will be dirty forever thereafter . . . . and other conventional wisdom . It 's all true . Stop sanitizing the shit out of your hands . Soap and water will do . Coming into contact with day - to - day germs helps build their immune system . In the same vein , everyone 's baby falls off the couch or the bed , you 're not a horrible person if that happens , just be careful next time . Babies survive a regular babyhood . The human species wouldn 't have lasted long if knocking their little noggins on the underside of the coffee table were deadly . We had to survive Saber Tooth Tigers , for goodness sake . Give your kid some credit . ( This is not meant to be medical advice , as they say ) . You 'll forget more than you know . Good luck , all ! I love you and I love bossing you around . Take care of your pregnant selves . Be confident and strong when you bring that new one into the world . Hire a Doula , trust your instincts and kiss your baby . Give yourself a break when it comes to being a parent - - none of us are doing it right , but we 're all doing the best we can . See anything I missed and you 'd like to add ? Dora the Explorer has finally found her way Isaac 's House ( it 's over the shallow river , past the tall church , then you get to Isaac 's house ! Say " Map ! Say Map ! " ) . I 've never minded Dora , my niece had a big thing with her a few years back so I 'm well acquainted with her program . Obviously I love that she 's a little girl who is always the hero of her own story . Dora senses the needs of her friends , does all of the planning , the guiding , the saving and helping , all on her own ( well , with Boots , of course , but as far as his role goes , he is defiantly a side - kick ) . There are very few children 's programs on air now that even give equal screen time to male and female characters , let alone have a female protagonist that isn 't rife with stereotypically feminine traits ( conventionally attractive to the point of being " sexy " , a nag , in pursuit of a husband / boyfriend / appointment to royal status , or a fairy . Or a princess . Or both ) . Dora ( now , I 'm talking just regular Dora , pre - fairyprincess Dora . Fairy Princess Rock Star Dora doesn 't factor into Isaac 's life . Because she 's bullshit ) , Dora , in general , is fine by me as a television character for my kid to enjoy . Well , apparently , because Dora is a girl , of course , she is a character for girls . There 's like , no way that she can just be a character for kids , according to all the people . Seriously . It started when Isaac decided he wanted cupcakes . I figured we 'd make cupcakes and take them to work for our friends . I gave him one of my aprons but it was too big . The next week at the local farmer 's market I spied homemade kid - sized aprons . They had some robots and some flowers , but what really caught my eye was , of course , a Dora apron . It is bright pink and lacy but whatever . That 's not something that would register for Isaac . He loves his Dora " shirt " , as he calls it . He wore it all day that day , wore it to bed , we had to hide it on him in order to get it clean so he could wear it all day again the next day . He wore it to the bakery next door with my niece . Apparently the women behind the counter said things like " what are you wearing ? Does your father know you 're wearing that ? ! " I mean , this kid 's dad wears an apron to work every day of his life . I guess I wish I were shocked . I wish that a boy child wearing pink didn 't illicit some sort of visceral , nasty response in people . He 's too young to have understood what they were implying , but Reilly sure wasn 't ! ( Thanks for that , bakery ladies ! Certainly a young girl burgeoning on adulthood needs to be reminded of her second - class status whenever she goes to get a bagel ! ) . So we 've decided , at my brilliant co - worker 's suggestion , to commission a Matt sized Dora apron so the two of them can match next time they go grab a " fuffin " for the kid . If my anger has subsided by then . So here 's what I can 't wrap my mind around : ( and complete disclaimer here : I am neither an expert in child development nor gender or queer studies , these are just my opinions , gleaned from items I 've read and experiences I 've had ) . At two , gender is still very fluid . Isaac doesn 't know " boy " or " girl " at all . Like , no concept whatsoever . He calls every child " kid " and I love it that he does . I 'm certainly in no rush to make my child fit into any category at all ( besides Two - Year - Olds Who Still Don 't Sleep Through The Night Ever . Suggestions welcome ) . So , even if your average bakery worker isn 't quite up to speed with child development and gender politics , it 's still safe to say that " shaming " my kid ( because that 's what they were trying to do ) , isn 't alright . He 's a child . He 's doing his thing , man ! He 's got a great new outfit to wear on his big adventure to the store down the street , he 's happy as can be ! It 's got pockets big enough to hold cars and his juice ! How are you going to come at him with some sort of bullshit like " boys with good fathers don 't wear pink aprons " ? Not OK . And for what , exactly , should he be shamed ? Because girls wear pink and girls aren 't as good as boys ? Because if a boy has on clothing that was intended to be worn by a girl , then he may somehow draw the pink ink into his veins and get gay ? Because fuck all that . Girls are great ! boys are great ! trans * kids are great ! . . . Colors are great , aprons are great , hand made items are great and Dora , at times , is great . And wearing a pink Dora apron doesn 't infuse gay into your veins . I tried it and it didn 't work . Why or how could I possibly care if my child or children were gay ? How could that even register on things that would upset me in any way ? The truth is , it goes way beyond how Isaac presents himself and identifies himself someday in the future . The really important part of the societal conversation we need to be having is that statistically , he 's probably going to grow up a straight , white male , with all of the privileges that are afforI was grumbling about the whole situation to Matt the other night and a real sadness came over me . As I was going on and on about " he 's young , colors don 't mean the same to him that they do to society at large " , I kept adding " yet " . Soon enough the world is going to harden around him . Soon enough he will start to get the vibe that girls and girl culture is less - than . Less than important and less than meaningful . Less than exciting and less than adventurous . He might observe some homophobia along the way . Hatred of trans * individuals is still , unfortunately , a very real thing and likely will still be as Isaac grows up . ( Ohmygod , read this blog : gendermom . Hope springs eternal ) . I won 't teach him that kind of hatred and other - ness , his father certainly wouldn 't either . It is information that he will absorb , however . He may become embarrassed and deny having worn his Dora shirt . He will blush and protest when I mention that he used to demand that I paint his toenails whenever he saw a bottle of nail polish and that he loved to jump around in my heels . That world is coming for him . It will seep in , through the cracks under the doors , through the advertisements and toy stores , through the off - hand and cruel comments by both his peers and those old enough to know better . That may happen . It may not . My job isn 't to change the way the whole world thinks , or even to keep my kids away from it . My role is just to allow the two little people in my house to think better . To think better of each other , of people they don 't know , to think better than to make asinine assumptions based in ignorance and hatred . Most of all I want them to be able to think better of themselves , so one day , when they are confronted with bigotry , even in it 's tiniest , most micro - aggressive forms , they are able to stand firm on the side of inclusiveness and err on the side of progress . In the past year or so my life has changed dramatically . Where I used to place the biggest emphasis on how late I could stay out , how many bars I could hit in one night and didn 't care much about what tomorrow brought - - these days I am scrambling alongside my husband to adjust to new parenthood . Now we worry about how early we can get to bed , haven 't thought much about a bar in months and we worry about our tomorrows more than ever . There are so many changes that take place in our every day , it seems the only way to keep it from flying by too fast is to write it all down ( when I have a chance ! )
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You know , I 've been attending church for my entire life . My parents made sure we were there every time the doors were open . Sure , when I went to college , there were some Sundays that I attended Boxsprings Baptist ( an old OBU joke ) , but for the most part , I was in church . As often as we 've moved since we 've been married , we 've always made finding a church home a priority . So over the years , I 've been in literally hundreds of church services , Bible studies , and Sunday School classes . And in all those years , I 've never heard a single sermon or Sunday School lesson on grief . Until the death of my daughter in February 2009 , I didn 't know ANYTHING about grief . I had never learned anything about it at church , and I certainly had never experienced it . I had never lost anyone close to me . . . grandparents , yes , but grandparents are " supposed " to die . I had no idea what it was like to be deeply , achingly sad . I also had no idea how many sad people there were around me . I 've learned a lot over the last couple of years . So , when Brad and I were asked to share with the deacon body at our church last week , we knew right away what we wanted to talk about . . . grief . And who needs to know more about ministering to grieving people than the deacons ? It was the perfect opportunity to share some of what we 've learned . I 'd like to share some of that presentation with you over the next few posts . Many of the thoughts I 'm going to share originate with Nancy Guthrie and Greg Laurie , both of whom have lost children . I 'll also be adding lots of our own experiences and stories . My goal is to be as transparent and honest as possible , to try to give you a window into our grief . I 'll be writing from the perspective of a grieving parent , because that 's the only kind of grief I know . My prayer is that God will use something I write to help you personally , if you find yourself in a season of sorrow , or that He will provide you with some sort of insight to help a grieving friend or loved one . In a recent interview , Nancy Guthrie discussed four needs that gWritten by The breakfast of champions . . . Hannah 's favorite , home - made Mississippi Mud Cake ( no nuts ) . I could absolutely eat myself into oblivion with this stuff . Good thing I only make it once a year . Bethany and I decided to play hooky from work and school . She was our driver for the day . Our first stop . . . the Wal - Mart in Jessieville to buy roses . Bethany just had to take this picture out of her window in the parking lot . If this woman only knew that she was providing us some much - needed comic relief ! We finally arrived at our destination . Our rose petals . . . Spreading the petals . . . After spending some time letting the tears flow , we decided to snap a few pictures . . . She figured out how to set the timer on the camera , so we got some pictures together . In case you 're wondering . . . Our shirts say , " I wear gray for my daughter " and " I wear gray for my sister " . Gray is the color for brain cancer awareness , just as pink is the color for breast cancer awareness . . . . And she took some pictures of me . I 've shared on this blog before about my extremely strained relationship with Hannah 's grave . As a matter of fact , yesterday was the first time I 've stood beside her grave since her last birthday . I still am not comfortable there . . . I still don 't like being there . . . but yesterday , I believe I took the first step toward making peace with her grave . We finally started home , but made a couple of stops on the way . Given our affinity for taking pictures in the middle of roads , we just had to stop and take a couple of pictures here . . . We considered all the possible reasons why these lines look like this . . . Did the line painting truck driver have a little too much caffeine that morning ? Did he let his kid drive the truck for a little while ? Is this section of road sitting on top of a fault line ? We don 't know the answer , but we had a lot of fun thinking about it ! Our other stop was at the Sonic in Hot Springs Village . Mozzarella sticks with marinara sauce . . . . . . And two cherry vanilla Diet Cokes , please ! I really couldn 't believe it . . . but we actually had fWritten by Dear Hannah My Joy , So tomorrow is your birthday . You would be turning nineteen years old . . . Nineteen ! ! That 's almost an adult ! I wonder if you celebrate birthdays in Heaven ? And even more than that , I wonder if you get older in Heaven ? Like , if I were to join you there in twenty years , would you be 39 ? Are your great - grandparents all over 100 now ? What about people who die as babies ? Do they still have to go through infancy , childhood , and that horrendous adolescent period ? Or is everyone in Heaven exactly the same age . . . maybe about 29 ? I wonder about things like that ever since you left . You 'll have to fill me in on all of that when I get there . Back to you . . . I 'm writing this from your bedroom , looking through your window . You wouldn 't believe how much the trees we planted have grown over the last couple of years . I can barely see our neighbor 's house now . We moved your bed out a few months ago , and put it in Bethany 's room . You know , she always wanted your queen - sized bed . We painted her room a really bright turquoise and your black and white comforter looks like really pretty in there . Yeah , we covered up all those squares we painted on her wall a few years back . Well , the ones Bethany and I painted while you directed us where to put them . Your room still has the pretty burgundy colored walls , but we 've made some other changes . We put a black and white rug in there that you would just love , and a super comfortable chaise lounge . We also moved the desk in there , and put it directly in front of your window , and that 's where I sit and write . We left all your stuff up on the walls . . . don 't worry , we didn 't touch all those awards of yours or your El Dorado picture . Your clothes are still hanging in the closet . . . except for the ones Bethany has permanently " borrowed " . She wears that polka - dotted shirt of yours all the time . And I know you 'd hate this , but I just had to do it . Remember that self - portrait you drew with pastels when you were in about third grade in Mrs . Mason 's GT class ? The one with the really cool frame ? Written by I 've always loved the fall . . . the month of October in particular . The crispness in the air ; the first day you get to wear that favorite hoodie again ; Friday night football games ; and the glorious colors of the changing leaves . And my absolute favorite thing about fall . . . driving through falling leaves . We live in a very woodsy area and daily drive under lots of overhanging tree branches . I just love it when the wind is blowing and the leaves are falling like rain and I get to drive through them while they 're falling . . . something about that just makes me feel a little giddy ! This has been an unusually hot , dry fall in Arkansas . I still haven 't pulled my Magnet Cove Panther hoodie out of the closet . And in our area of the state , we haven 't had a drop of rain in over a month . So this year , instead of the beautiful reds , oranges , and yellows typical of fall , the leaves are just turning brown and falling off the trees . So I 'm still getting to drive through them . . . they just aren 't as pretty ! Like the leaves , I 've been feeling kind of dry and withered myself . This is the second October since Hannah went to Heaven , and I just haven 't felt the same sense of excitement about the change of seasons as I used to . I think part of that is the fact that Hannah 's birthday and the holidays are approaching , and the anticipation of those dates weighs heavily at this time of year . Friday night football games certainly don 't have as much draw for me this year . Last year I went to most of the home games , even though it was hard to see Hannah 's friends there , knowing she would have been there with them enjoying her senior year . I really thought this year would be easier because her friends would all be gone to college and I wouldn 't be seeing them at games anymore . But you know what . . . most of them went to college nearby and come home for the football games ! Somehow the fact that they 've been away for awhile and are home for the weekend enjoying time with their families makes it even harder ! I find myself thinking about how much their parentsWritten by Yes , I 'm still calling the Hogs after their victory over Texas A & M yesterday . The old Arkansas / Texas A & M rivalry was revived yesterday at Cowboys Stadium in Arlington , Texas , and we were there to witness it ! The trip was a belated birthday present for Brad , and we had a great time . Bethany brought her good friend Stacey along , and she added to the fun . We left bright and early , and stopped at Chili 's Restaurant # 1 , 000 ( there was a big plaque out front commemorating this remarkable status ) somewhere between Dallas and Arlington and had lunch . Cowboys Stadium is a pretty incredible place . We had the opportunity to tour it over the summer , and it was fun to go back and see it full of people yesterday . The giant screens are just as impressive in person as you hear about on TV ( probably even more so ) . The picure below gives you some idea what the screens are like , but really doesn 't do them justice . When you 're there , you don 't know whether to watch the action on the field , or just watch the big screen . For me , it was easy to forget there was an actual game going on down below , I got so caught up in watching the screen sometimes ! It took us a few minutes to locate our seats , and we were a little surprised to find that we were the only Razorback fans in our section . As we looked around a little more , we discovered that we pretty much the only Hog fans in that entire half of the stadium . There we were , all decked out in our Razorback gear , sitting in the middle of Aggie territory . Across the way , we could see all the Arkansans calling the Hogs . Here are Bethany and Stacey at halftime . Who cares if we 're sitting on the wrong side . . . We 're having fun anyway ! You know , as a non - native Arkansan , I 've never been able to call the Hogs without some degree of embarrassed self - consciousness . " Wooooooo Pig Sooooooie , " just doesn 't roll off my lips effortlessly , and I 've never felt the need to wear one of those rubber pig noses . As someone who views sports as entertainment and not as life and death , I 've always thought some ArkWritten by Tonight we had the awesome . . . though very emotional . . . opportunity to share with the youth group at Hot Springs Baptist Church . This is our home church , and the youth group that Hannah was a member of throughout her journey with cancer . Our youth has been doing a series called " Epic Faith " ( I love that name ! ) and each week they have had different church members share their story of faith . We considered it an honor to be asked to speak , and have been looking forward to it . It wasn 't until we arrived tonight that it hit me how very difficult this was going to be . We 've shared with lots of different groups in a variety of venues , but this was different . While we were still in the parking lot , I saw two girls walking in , both of them friends of Hannah 's . My breath kind of caught in my throat for a minute , but I squared my shoulders and we walked on in . Hannah actually would have graduated out of the youth group last year , so I guess I was kind of thinking that most of her friends would be gone by now . But they were there . . . they were all there ! We were early , so Brad and I spent some time in one of the Sunday School classrooms , preparing and praying . We came out and took our seats right before the worship band started playing . Our youth has an awesome worship band , made up of some very talented students . And I noticed how close the stage was to the kids . We were literally going to be about five feet away from these students ! I really didn 't think I could do it . Over the last year and a half , I 've become pretty comfortable sharing our story . . . but tonight , in front of THESE kids . . . I just didn 't know if I could . At this point I was pleading with God , " Please , just get me through this ! " Finally , the band wrapped up and it was our turn to speak . And , praise God , just like always , He showed up . These kids knew Hannah 's story . . . many of them had walked through it with us . . . so we really had a unique opportunity to share what God has taught us over the last couple of years . And He enabled us to share these things with clarity and wiWritten by I 've been a voracious reader my entire life . . . literally for as long as I can remember . When I was 3 1 / 2 years old , my brother started Kindergarten and he began bringing home those little beginning reading books . I picked one up , opened it , and discovered I could read it ! From that day on , I was hooked . I read everything I could get my hands on . A few weeks before my birthday last December , I began dropping some not - so - subtle hints to Bethany and Brad about the gift I wanted . I wanted a Kindle . Never one to leave things to chance , I ordered myself a Kindle from Amazon . com about a week before my birthday . It actually came in a couple days early , but I didn 't let myself open it until the big day . When I finally got to open the box , I was soooo excited . My first book I read on my Kindle was " Same Kind of Different as Me " by Ron Hall . What a great book ! I had some idea what it was about , but didn 't realize the storyline included a cancer journey , so it really hit close to home . I 'm a " chain reader " , so as soon as I finished that book , I started another one . . . " The Christmas Sweater " by Glenn Beck and Jason Wright . Another good one . I carried my Kindle with me everywhere , and proudly showed it off to my family at Christmas time . When I showed it to my sister - in - law , she said , " Oh yeah , I got the free Kindle app on my iPhone . " Talk about bursting my bubble ! She got it for free ? ? Hmmmmm . I did a little research and discovered I could still return my Kindle to Amazon ( I had had it less than 30 days ) , and get an iPod Touch for about the same price . And with an iPod Touch , I could not only download the free Kindle app , I could use our home Wifi signal and surf the internet , check my email , look at Facebook , etc . So I lovingly boxed up my Kindle and sent it back to Amazon . A few days later , I got my iPod Touch , downloaded the FREE Kindle app , and was back in business . I just and counted them up this evening , and since that time , I 've read 97 books ! I do most of my reading as I 'm walking on a treadmill in the morning . . . and beliWritten by With her permission , I 'd like to share the memoir Bethany wrote this week for her tenth grade Pre - AP English class : My whole life was completely turned upside down February 26 , 2009 . This was the day that my best friend and sister went to an amazing place with the name of Heaven . This memoir is a story of hope , strength , and life - changing heartache . Through this difficult journey I have had to grow up immensely . Even though there will always be a hole inside of my heart , I wouldn 't change the journey I had with my sister Hannah for the world . Before my sister got sick , my whole family was happy all the time . I have two outstanding parents named Jill and Brad who care for me very much . My sister Hannah and I were not only sisters , we were best friends . I told her everything about me and she did the same . She was the oldest , being 3 years old when I was born ; welcoming me with a stuffed animal bear . We were meant to be sisters . When we got older we were still very close . Every time we were able to hang out together , we always did . Hannah and I used to get into trouble at the dinner table , usually it was laughing during a prayer or something and , we would be sent to our rooms every single time . What our parents didn 't know ( but later found out ) was that there was an air vent in each of our rooms so we could talk to each other and laugh about how dumb it was that we got in trouble ! I remember when I was probably 6 or 7 Hannah always would pay me to crawl in bed with her at night and we would talk about how each other 's day went . She used to yell at me through those little air vents to get in her room . As I grew up a little I realized that I actually wanted to sleep with her and talk nonstop all night , so she gladly quit paying me . When I was finally about to be in high school with my big sister she got sick with an incredibly deadly cancer in her brain . No one saw it coming . While she was sick we were still always there for each other . I was 13 through the whole illness so it impacted me remarkably with school , spWritten by
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Archaeologist Faye Longchamp - Mantooth has dug herself a deep hole and she can 't make her way out of it . As she struggles to recover from a shattering personal loss , she sees that everyone she loves is trying to reach out to her . If only she could reach back . Instead she 's out digging holes all over her home , the Florida island of Joyeuse . Joe , desperate to help Faye , realizes she is in danger from both her inner demons and someone who has breached the island 's isolation . Local law and environmental officials say they want to help , but to Faye and Joe they feel more like invaders . A struggling Faye reaches back over a century into her family 's history for clues . And all the while , danger snakes further into their lives , threatening the people they love , their cherished home , even the very ground - some of it poisoned - beneath their feet . Joe knows Faye is at risk but she doesn 't because she 's so lost in her grief that the only thing she can do is dig , looking for something to heal her wounds . It takes a friend being murdered to shake her out of her shell and start helping Joe to figure out what the heck is going on . The story is very compelling and you won 't want to put the book down until you know the ending . If you are like me , that is what I do . Once I am invested in a story , it 's hard to put down , even if I have to stay up all night to finish it . This is one of those books that definitely will not bore you . There is too much going on for that . If you like reading mysteries , then this book will be right up your alley . I did not know when I first got the book that this is a series type of book about Faye Longchamp , but it won 't matter . Each book is a stand alone mystery of it 's own , so don 't worry , you will pick up the story and run with it . You will enjoy the book for the sake of the story and it 's a great one , so don 't miss out on getting this book , you won 't regret it ! Fish know which docks are owned by people who are generous with their table scraps . In the evenings , they gather around wooden posts that vibrate with the footsteps of a human carrying food . They wait , knowing that potato peels and pork chop bones will soon rain from the sky . They race to skim the surface for floating bread crumbs . They dive , nibbling at each half - eaten hot dog as it sinks . When a restaurant , even a shabby dive where hungry people clean their plates , throws its detritus off one particular dock every night , fish for miles around know all about it . On this night , the fish wait below a dock that has always offered a nightly feast . Tonight , they feel the vibrations of familiar feet . The food falls into the water , as always , and the sound of a stainless steel spoon scraping the bottom of a stainless steel pot passes from the air above to the water below . Everything is as it has been , until a sharp noise jabs into the water hard enough for the fish to hear it . The spoon falls . The thing that stays behind is a human body . As it settles in the water , tiny minnows nestle in the long hair that floats around it like seaweed . Catfish explore its ten long fingers with their tentacled mouths . None of them associate its two bare feet with the sprightly vibrations that had always signaled a rain of food . it would kill her to think he believed such a thing , so he spent a lot of time telling that part of himself to be quiet . He also wanted to say she was neglecting him , but it would kill him to believe it , so he spent the rest of his time telling that other part of himself to be quiet . Or to shrivel up and die . Because if he ever lost Faye , that 's what Joe intended to do . Shrivel up and die . Amande was away from home , doing an immersion course in Spanish at a camp situated so high in the Appalachians that she 'd asked for heavy sweaters long before Halloween . Faye had been too distracted to put them in the mail . Joe had shopped for them , boxed them up , and sent them off . Faye seemed to have forgotten that her daughter had ever said , " I 'm cold . " would notice soon . Lately , when faced with a call from her daughter , Faye murmured a few distracted words before pretending that Michael needed a diaper change . If Faye didn 't come up with another excuse to get off the phone , Amande might soon call 911 and ask the paramedics to go check out her brother 's chronic diarrhea . If she did , it was yet more evidence supporting Joe 's fear that Faye 's mind wasn 't right these days . Every morning brought fresh proof of that not - rightness as she walked away from him … to do what ? As best he could tell , she was carefully excavating random sites all over their island . If she 'd found anything worth the effort , he sure didn 't know about it . In the meantime , Joe sat in the house , face - to - face with a serious problem . This problem was almost as tall and broad as Joe . His hair had once been as dark . His skin was the same red - brown , only deeper . This was a problem Joe had been trying to outrun since he was eighteen years old . Faye Longchamp - Mantooth believed in intuition . It had always guided her work as an archaeologist . After she 'd gathered facts about a site 's history , inspected the contours of the land , and scoured old photographs , she always checked her gut response before excavating . Her gut was often right . It was only recently , however , that her gut had begun speaking out loud and in English . Lately , her gut had been urging her to skip the boring research and go straight for the digging . failed to do her homework . But going to the library or sitting at her computer would require her to be still and think . Thinking was painful these days , so she skipped it . She would have known this old trowel in the dark . Her fingers had rubbed the finish off its wooden handle in a pattern that could match no hand but hers . Since God hadn 't seen fit to let her grow the pointy metal hand she needed for her work , she 'd chosen this one tool to mold into a part of herself . Faye was working in sandy soil as familiar as the trowel . It was her own . She 'd been uncovering the secrets of Joyeuse Island since she was old enough to walk , and she would never come to the end of them . As she grew older , she saw the need to mete out her time wisely , but she rebelled against it . The past would keep most of its secrets , and this made her angry . Faye didn 't know where to dig , because she didn 't know what she was trying to find . It would help if the voice ever offered a less hazy rationale for ordering her out of the house . All it said was " You can find the truth . Don 't let this island keep its secrets from you . " This was craziness . Two - year - olds cried several times a day . Men who had lost babies suffered . And there was rarely any blame to be handed out in the wake of a miscarriage , even late miscarriages that carry away a child who has been bumping around in her mother 's womb long enough for mother and daughter to get to know one another . Mary Anna Evans is the author of the award - winning Faye Longchamp archaeological mysteries - Artifacts , Relics , Effigies , Findings , Floodgates , Strangers , and Plunder . She has degrees in physics and chemical engineering . Her background includes stints in environmental consulting and university administration , as well as a summer spent working offshore in the oil fields . Writing lets her spend weeks indulging her passion for history , archeology , and architecture , and months making up stories . Mary Anna is preparing to move to Oklahoma since accepting an Associate Professor position with the University of Oklahoma . Disclaimer : Mary Bearden personally reviewed these products . I did not receive any monetary compensation for my review , just a sample product . All opinions are mine and belong to me solely . My thoughts and opinions may differ from yours . I have several books I want to share with whoever wins this giveaway . I am going to mix them up and not do the same theme so that way you get a little bit of everything , just in case you don 't like one genre , you don 't get stuck with several of them . Instead , you will hopefully get at least one or two that is your favorite type ! I have bolded the titles because they are also links back to my review so you can see what they are about . This giveaway is open in the Continental U . S . only . Good Luck Everyone ! I will be giving away a Mystery Box filled with goodies that you will you get back to school in style ! It will be filled with socks , Kushyfoots , a pair of gloves , a set of pens , snacks , hair products , perfume and many more surprises ! This is in addition to the following products . You will definitely want this fun filled box . You will also get something for your Kindle or other ereader to protect it from Hardrock Cases ! The value of this protector is $ 50 . 00 . This is coming from me and is included in the Mystery Box ! You will also get something for the shower , a Fogless Mirror valued at $ 30 . 00 ! This one is also from me and is included in the Mystery Box . The total value of my Mystery Box is $ 125 . 00 . The host of this event , The Review Wire , will be offering 4 prizes ! 3 winners will each receive a Student All Star Set and 1 Grand Prize winner will receive a mix of products worth over $ 50 . 00 from TreeSmart . Make sure to swing over and enter to win ! Disclaimer : This giveaway ends at 11 : 59 PM EST on September 30 , 2015 . The Back To School Hop Event Bloggers are not responsible for sponsors that do not fulfill their prizes . Companies and bloggers , if you would like to participate in events like this one , visit Review Wire Media and sign up to be emailed about future events hosted by The Review Wire . Each blogger participating in this hop has a giveaway with a prize value of at least $ 15 - and some are much more than that ! Be sure to scroll down the whole list and enter them all - there is no limit to how many you can win ! Good luck and have fun ! I have one product in this FALLing For Giveaways September Giveaway Hop and I think you will enjoy the Water Gallery prize . The line item is a link back to the review so that you can see the product and read about it . As for the Mystery Bag , that is from me , so you won 't have a post to and see what it holds . You can also leave a comment on the review to get Extra Bonus Entries on the RC Form . This is not mandatory , only if you want the bonus entries . Good Luck Everyone ! I was recently sent a set of Water Gallery 's bottled water to try and Wow ! You won 't believe how beautiful they are ! One bottle was Spring Water and the other one was Sparkling Water . The scenes that they paint inside of the bottles is absolutely breathtaking . Here are some interesting facts : * Our premium Italian Rocco Bormioli glass bottles , each of which feature a 22k gold frame , are decorated in California . * Each bottle is filled with pristine natural spring or sparkling water , sourced from Southern California 's beautiful Palomar Mountain . * Every bottle can be collected , gifted , displayed , and most importantly , creatively reused before it is recycled . * A percentage of all sales will be donated to the Wyland Foundation , an organization committed to wildlife education and conservation . * Each artistic design is limited to no more than 1 , 000 bottles and new images will be introduced every six months . It 's kind of hard to take a picture that really shows how beautiful they really are , so please stop by their website and check them out for yourself to understand how awesome they are . Of course , I may just keep mine up on the mantle for the art alone . Because of the way that they made the top of the bottles , you can keep on using them forever to fill them up with whatever your favorite beverage is and be stylish at the same time . Just remember that they change the pictures every 6 months , so they will never stay the same . That might mean that someday these bottles might be collectibles , who knows ? I have seen other things that I never thought would happen , so I think I will be keeping mine for sure . Water Gallery will be giving the winner of my FALLing for Giveaways September Giveaway Hop , 2 of their own bottles of water ! I don 't know if they will be the same scenes as they may have changed by now , but they are going to be just as beautiful . Good Luck Everyone ! Disclaimer : Mary Bearden personally reviewed these products . I did not receive any monetary compensation for my review , just a sample product . All opinions are mine and belong to me solely . My thoughts and opinions may differ from you . Posted by There are four flavors in each mini bag that is inside the bigger bag and you can also get them in bulk but I would never have any need for that many since we don 't have any children at home anymore . The four flavors are banana , strawberry , peach and cherry . These delicious fruits are made with real fruit extracts and no gluten , dairy , nuts , soy , or artificial colors and dyes . Then they are shaped just like the real fruit is ! Another thing I liked about them is that they are not sticky and won 't stick to your fingers and leave that yucky residue . I also like that they are completely Vegan and Gluten Free . So , for those of you out there that have to eat Gluten Free , these would make an awesome snack for you . And they are only 70 calories per snack bag . Each small bag contains 5 snack bags . I think if you get the bulk package it has 50 snack bags in it . YumEarth only chooses real fruit extracts and planet friendly ingredients grown on sustainable family farms to sweeten their snack products ! If you are an all natural , organic eater and consider yourself Vegan , then this is one product you will love . You can either shop online or you can find a store near you that sells the products . Check click on the link above and check out where your nearest store is . And guess what everyone ? ! ! They are now available in a lot more stores across the USA , so go check out their website to find out where they are near you ! I know they are in Walgreens , Costco , BJ Wholesale Warehouse , Whole Foods , Food Lion , Stop & Shop , Toys R Us and many more . Now you have options ! Isn 't that the best news ? They still have several options if you need to shop online also or live outside the USA , so you will also be able to get their delicious snacks too ! Facebook | Twitter | YouTube | Pinterest | Email YumEarth will be giving the winner of my Back 2 School Giveaway $ 20 worth of their snacks ! Open in the Continental U . S . only . Good Luck Everyone ! Disclaimer : Mary Bearden personally reviewed these products . I did not receive any monetary compensation for my review , just a sample product . All opinions are mine and belong to me solely . My thoughts and opinions may differ from you . Following her showdown with Elizabeth Bathory , Jackdaw Hammond is running from her past , hiding from her future , and hoping to contain her newfound thirst for blood . Buying an overgrown home in the middle of nowhere seems like the perfect place to escape … at least until she finds herself in the sights of a murderous family with a terrible secret and a penchant for dark magic . Meanwhile , her old ally Felix Guichard has gone to New Orleans to conduct his own investigation into the nature of blood magic , but is soon sucked into the intrigues of the city 's occult underworld . But Jack will need Felix more than she knows , for the battle for her soul is set to begin . Wow , this was a really good story ! At first I wasn 't sure what was going on , because there are several people in this book who are sick or who have magical powers . Another thing was that the book is told in 2 different people 's lives , one in the present and one in the past . But , it didn 't take me long to figure out that they are both tied together and to understand the present story , you really do need to understand what happened in the past does effect what is going on in the present story . It 's not really about vampires and not really about werewolves , but about the perception of what people believe . It 's hard to explain without giving away the whole concept of the book , because it 's very complex but yet simple . There are witches in the story for sure and in the background is a love story , although it 's more about longing and wishing instead of action and doing . But , it 's that love that determines the out come of the story , especially the present day story that involve Jack and Felix . My name is Rebecca Alexander , I am a novelist and poet living in North Devon . I have completed an MA in Creative and Critical Writing at the University of Winchester . My dissertation novel ' The Secrets of Life and Death ' was a runner up in the Mslexia 2011 novel writing competition . Another novel , ' A Baby 's Bones ' came second in the Yeovil novel competition , 2012 . I have completed A215 and A363 with the Open University . I write novels with a mystery or supernatural theme and also enjoy writing poetry . I home educated my children , and live in a Georgian house near a river . I have too many cats . Disclaimer : Mary Bearden personally reviewed these products . I did not receive any monetary compensation for my review , just a sample product . " I received this book from Blogging for Books for this review . " All opinions are mine and belong to me solely . My thoughts and opinions may differ from yours . Posted by Two murdered girls , and no motive … While skiing deep in Lake Tahoe 's backcountry , Private Eye Dan Reno finds the first naked body , buried under fresh snow . Reno 's contacted by the grieving father , who wants to know who murdered his daughter , and why ? And how could the body end up in such a remote , mountainous location ? The questions become murkier when a second body is found . Is there a serial killer stalking promiscuous young women in South Lake Tahoe ? Or are the murders linked to a different criminal agenda ? Searching for answers , Reno is accosted by a gang of racist bikers with a score to settle . He also must deal with his pal , Cody Gibbons , who the police consider a suspect . The clues lead to the owner of a strip club and a womanizing police captain , but is either the killer ? The bikers up the ante , but are unaware that Cody Gibbons has Reno 's back at any cost . Meanwhile , the police won 't tolerate Reno 's continued involvement in the case . But Reno knows he 's getting close . And the most critical clue comes from the last person he 'd suspect … It took me a few pages to get into this book , but once I did , I really enjoyed it ! Even though it is a crime series about the P . I . , Dan Reno , the way the book starts and ends , you really don 't need to read the ones before to understand how Dan Reno works or how his friends and girlfriend fit into his life . He is hired by one of the dead girl 's father to find out who killed his daughter and in the midst of that investigation , another woman is killed , this time she was dating one of his best friends and they were visiting with him and his girlfriend , Candi . The action is fast paced and the book will leave you wanting more , which is a good thing , since it is a crime series starring Dan Reno . According to the back page of the book , another one will be coming out soon . If it 's anything like this one , I definitely want to read that one also ! Like I said , getting to know Dan Reno and watching him go thru the process of eliminating suspects , you get a good sense of the character and of who his friends are , which helped a lot , since I didn 't get to read the other books before this one . The books can be read as stand alones , unless you just like to know everything , but each case is in of itself a separate story , so really , I felt no need to read the others to help me understand this one . If you love murder mysteries , then this book will be right up your alley and you won 't be able to put it down until you get to the end . The cornice stretched three feet over the sheer face below . There was about fifteen feet of vertical drop before the snow covered slope angled out at forty - five degrees . I inched my skis farther forward , the tips hanging over the void . I was wrong - it was more like twenty feet of mandatory air . And that was the shallowest entry the ledge offered . I blew out my breath and ignored the sickly sensation of my testicles trying to climb into my stomach . Turning back now would mean a long uphill hike , while the reward for leaping off the cornice was five hundred feet of untracked powder . A slight dip to the left marked the most forgiving launch point . I pushed myself back and sidestepped higher up the ridge . A couple deep breaths , then I released my edges and glided toward the dip . In a second I launched over the precipice , my hands thrust forward , my knees tucked toward my chest . As I dropped , I could see the distant desert floor of Nevada fall behind the stands of pine and fir at the bottom of the bowl . I extended my legs in the instant before I touched down and absorbed the shock , blinded for a second by a blast of snow . Then I cranked my skis on edge , bounced out of the fluff , and made a second turn through the deep powder . It had snowed about a foot last night , but here the fresh coverage was at least two feet , maybe more . Bottomless under my boots . Twenty turns to the glade below , my heart pounding , my body disappearing in blasts of powder , the white coating me from head to toe . When I reached the tree line , I skidded to a stop and caught my breath . Then I looked up and admired the S - turns I 'd left on the otherwise unblemished slope . Not bad , I thought , smiling at the understatement . Most of the winter storms that blow through the Lake Tahoe region come out of the warm Pacific and dump wet , heavy snow , creating the notorious Sierra cement . But last night 's blizzard swept in from Alaska , bringing colder and lighter snow . As a result , I was in the right place at the right time . I skated along the terminus of the bowl and turned into the trees when they became sparse enough to allow passage . This was the Nevada backcountry , unpatrolled , accessible by ducking the boundary ropes at the highest elevation of South Lake Tahoe 's ski resort , right at the California - Nevada border . Before me lay 4000 feet of descent to the high desert floor where I 'd parked my truck , near Route 207 outside of Gardnerville . It was slower going now , the terrain interrupted by tangles of deadfall and icy patches where the wind had scoured the surface . I picked my way through it , my skis alternately sinking in powder then chattering and scraping across slick bands of ice . Finally I spotted a clearing - a wide , sweeping snow bank that fell toward a collection of pines hundreds of feet below . I rode the section like a surfer on a wave , turning down off the lip then riding back up , staying high and avoiding a flat area that would likely necessitate a hike . When I reached the trees below , I entered a broad glade , the trunks spaced at wide intervals , the snow as soft and uniform as a white pillow . The morning sun had just appeared from behind a swath of swift moving clouds , and the snow glittered with pinpricks of light . I took a long moment to take in the scenery , then I picked a line and pushed off into the mild grade . The pristine snow held no surprises , the powder light and consistent , making it easy to find a rhythm . Floating through the trees and leaving a wake of rounded tracks , I become immersed in the splendor of the moment , as if the setting had been created solely for my indulgence . " Son of a bitch , " I said , wiping the snow from my goggles . I took a quick inventory of my body and found no injuries . Then I crawled back ten feet to where my ski lay . When I pulled it from the snow , the edge caught , probably on a hidden stump , I thought . Then the powder fell aside , and I saw a flesh - colored streak . I froze for a second , certain my eyes were playing tricks on me . Blinking , I used the ski to push away more snow . " No way , " I whispered , my heart in my throat . A bare shoulder revealed itself , then a snarl of blond hair strung with ice . I reached down with my gloved hand and carefully pushed aside the hair . The face was half - buried , one eye visible , lashes thick with mascara , a blue iris staring blankly . Using both hands like a shovel , I pushed away the bulk of the snow covering the upper body . A sour lump formed in my gut . The body was naked , the skin that of a young woman , perhaps a teenager . Born in Detroit , Michigan , in 1960 , Dave Stanton moved to Northern California in 1961 . He received a BA in journalism from San Jose State University in 1983 . Over the years , he worked as a bartender , newspaper advertising salesman , furniture mover , debt collector , and technology salesman . He has two children , Austin and Haley , and lives with his wife , Heidi , in San Jose , California . Disclaimer : Mary Bearden personally reviewed these products . I did not receive any monetary compensation for my review , just a sample product . All opinions are mine and belong to me solely . My thoughts and opinions may differ from you .
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I enjoy reading about different theories of morality . Not , mind you , that the different theories usually come up with different versions of morality itself . Rather , they are different ways to think about morality , which in most cases match our moral intuitions and thus come to the same answers . The places where they differ are controversial questions , and that 's part of the reason it 's helpful to consider them methodically - - so that we have a way to resolve difficult questions besides just following our hunches . One of the main divisions in ethical theory is between deontology and consequentialism . Deontology is morality that comes from law . That is , there are certain rules which may never be disobeyed . Consequentialism says that morality comes from the practical results of an action . Actions are judged based on whether they are likely to produce good or bad effects , and any action which is harmful is per se an immoral action . As an example , a deontologist will say , " Do not steal , because stealing is wrong , " while a consequentialist will say , " Do not steal , because that will harm the person you steal from . " ( For more on consequentialism , this is an excellent short resource . ) Catholicism is mostly deontological - - there are laws which cannot be transgressed even for the most pressing reasons . The morality of an action is said to exist in the nature of the act itself , not in the possible results . The positive side of this is that it allows perfect moral clarity in almost all cases . Instead of having to ask , " Is it more important for me to save my own life , or the life of my unborn child ? " a deontologist can simply know that anything which directly takes a life is wrong , while something that does so more indirectly ( tube removal in the case of ectopic pregnancy , taking chemotherapy to cure the mother 's cancer ) may be permissible . But even Catholics use consequentialism in many of their arguments . That 's probably for two reasons : first , we all feel on an intuitive level that the results of our actions matter ; and second , many people today are consequentialists and the intended audience for these arguments . Paul VI used both deontological and consequentialist arguments in Humanae vitae . His deontological arguments included references to Scripture , Tradition , and a philosophical understanding of the ends of the marital act , while his consequentialist arguments included predictions that birth control would weaken marriages , cause a disrespect for women , and encourage governments to mandate it for their citizens . When I hear arguments about birth control , they tend to focus on these latter arguments rather than the former , because people find them so compelling . Consequentialism places the moral value of an act in its consequences . This is practical and coherent with a theory that morality is simply those behaviors which work out well for the common good . The disadvantage , though , is that you can never know for sure what the consequences of your actions might be . When a deontologist votes for Bush because he is pro - life , and he later goes on to do little about abortion and also invade Iraq , he can say , " Well , I did my best , I couldn 't have known , I obeyed the moral law , so I am blameless . " A consequentialist who makes the same choice is faced with the understanding that he did something wrong , which , though not malicious , had bad results which he is responsible for . This present remorse may be a good motivator toward better evaluation in the future , but there is no guarantee of ever evaluating perfectly . It seems to me that one of the biggest sources of misunderstanding between religious and secular people is a failure to recognize this deep difference in moral systems . For instance , some time ago I read a secular argument that Catholics don 't really care about embryos because if they did they would spend more effort on preventing miscarriages than ending abortion , since more embryos die of miscarriage . Apart from practical considerations , this displays an ignorance of what Catholics actually understand their responsibility toward embryos to be . They don 't feel like they are supposed to work toward a maximum number of babies making it to term ( though that would be nice ) , but that they are morally forbidden from taking lives . Likewise , on the question of socialism , a consequentialist may think , " It will benefit society if we tax the rich to build safety nets for the poor , therefore it is a good thing to do . " But deontologists reply , " Taking from some to give to others is stealing , and stealing is bad . " That 's the end of it , from their perspective , unless their moral law is more complicated and has special rules for what the government may do . It frustrates me to see people making these arguments at each other while failing to realize the massive rift between their first principles . Perhaps an argument could be made , if the consequentialist in the discussion asks why stealing is bad , and if the bad effects of stealing actually hold true in the case of taxes . Or the deontologist might focus on the bad results of socialism rather than assuming that simply applying the word " stealing " ends the discussion . But unless this gap is bridged , all conversation on the topic is doomed from the outset . I think a finely - honed deontological system , like Catholic moral teaching , is useful . But more simplistic deontologies are terrible . Why would anyone expect that a single sentence or paragraph would be able to summarize all moral actions ? The non - aggression principle bugs me for that reason . " One must not initiate aggression against another 's person or property " sounds great on paper , but it just leads to more questions . What is property ? How do you prove that it 's yours ? Once someone else has aggressed against you , does your response have to be proportionate in any way , or can you shoot them for walking across your lawn ? Do you have any positive duties - - for instance , if you can save another person 's life at no cost or inconvenience to yourself , are you morally obligated to do so ? And why is this the rule anyway ? Was it handed down from heaven , or were its inventors seeking to achieve a certain goal with it ? If the goal of the rule is " the benefit of everyone , " then it 's simply consequentialism , one step removed . But perhaps the real goal is " a moral justification for libertarianism , the political system which I happen to prefer , " in which case calling it morality is a bit of a stretch . Any simple deontologist dictate tends to devolve in this way . Morality is complex ; rules must also be complex . But in order to shape the rules to the sorts of choices we face , we must have some sort of higher goal to which we subject the rules we make . On the other side of the question , consequentialism has serious flaws as well . In focusing on the results , it 's easy to ignore the human actor . For instance , it fails to distinguish between positive and negative morality . It seems obvious to me that there is a huge difference between killing two innocent people in order to save ten people , and saving ten people while accepting the inevitable consequence of two people dying that you couldn 't save . That 's intuitive to me , and I think it comes from a recognition that killing two people has an effect on me that not saving those people won 't have . It changes me into the sort of person who kills people . Because that 's a consequence , of course consequentialism can account for it , but most consequentialists don 't , and that 's a problem . You see , there must be a difference between positive and negative morality , or else the five dollars I spend on a tub of ice cream which I could have spent on a measles vaccine for a kid in Africa is morally equivalent to murdering that kid for a tub of ice cream . I can 't get behind that . Never killing anyone is a law I can reasonably be expected to achieve , while saving everyone is not possible for anyone . Heck , if saving a greater number of people is all that 's required , then I should donate my body for organ transplants , thus saving several people for one life lost - - one for my heart , one for my liver , and so on . It devolves into absurdity . Another issue is that I am not always in a state where I can reason about consequences . Some moral choices are made in a heartbeat where I have no time to think ; others in a situation where I don 't have very much information ; others when I am under the strong duress of my emotions and thus tempted to rationalize something I would otherwise agree was wrong . That 's why rules are helpful - - if you have rules for your life you follow all the time , the force of habit will carry you through at those moments when you can 't clearly assess the consequences . That 's why I have such a strong sympathy for rule utilitarianism - - consequentialism is used to shape the moral rules which one lives by , but after that one simply follows the rules . Your choices shape the person you are , and the person you have become shapes your future choices . That means that even small choices that " don 't hurt anybody " may come to have serious consequences down the line , when your failure to be disciplined in little things has made you a weaker person . Romantic love is one of the more powerful emotions humans can experience . Your heart pounds , you feel weak , you feel butterflies in your stomach . And those feelings can last your whole life long , if less dramatically as time goes on . People have died for romantic love , and they 've killed for it . And , of course , it 's where new people come from . As a kid , I idolized the idea of romance . In my imagination , my whole life was just waiting for this perfect man to appear and sweep me away . He would love me for me , and he would love me more than anything else . I would be the number one thing in his life . I rarely imagined having kids , or if there were kids there was always a nanny around . I didn 't want to be bothered with other relationships - - the romantic one was the one that mattered . There 's a lot that goes into this primacy we give romance . For one thing , the drive toward it is very powerful , a both emotional and sexual impulse that is extremely hard to repress , even if you want to . For another , the kind of relationship it is fulfills a longing we have as humans - - the desire to be observed , understood , remembered . The human condition is to be terribly lonely inside our own heads , knowing no one else will ever understand us fully . Romantic love can be a remedy - - a single person is dedicated to understanding us , and we in turn understand them . Finally , romantic love is the foundation for many of our other relationships - - it leads us to begin families and have children . All of our familial relationships begin with romantic love experienced at some point by someone . I still think romance is great . I mean , about once a day I think , " Boy , am I glad I 'm married . " It 's nice to have someone around who loves me and whom I love . And yet , I have started to feel that our society gives too much attention to romance and not enough to other kinds of love . Movies and television almost have to have romance - - even action or science fiction shows have romance in them somewhere . Most hit songs are love songs . Novels usually include a romantic side plot . Girls in particular are encouraged to think about love from a very early age - - the other day I noticed a three - year - old friend of ours making her action figures " fall in love . " And I keep hearing , over and over , the important advice to put your spouse ahead of your children , to make sure both your spouse and your kids know that your spouse is more important to you . Why ? You see , there 's a downside to overfocusing on romantic love . First , it encourages us to devalue or ignore other kinds of love . The love between a parent and a child , for instance , is an extremely powerful kind of love . Friendship is another . And both of these have something of what we look for in romance - - another person to go through life with , someone who values you for who you are , who seeks to understand you . Parental love is usually one - way - - we all hopefully receive it from someone , and we can give it in turn to someone else without respecting a response - - but it isn 't less essential or powerful . When I was a child longing for a prince to come sweep me away , I was ignoring the fact that I already had people who loved me unconditionally , who wanted to understand me , who treasured my various good qualities and didn 't let my faults drive them away - - my parents . Of course , they were imperfect , unlike my imaginary prince . But real love always is . The second problem is that when you see romantic love as the only love that matters in life , the love that will make you whole , you seek it so ardently that you 're tempted to compromise - - settling for a terrible relationship because then at least you 're not alone . You 're less vulnerable to this danger when you have solid , supportive other relationships - - parents , grandparents , siblings , friends . You don 't need a partner , even if you want one , because you 're not alone without one . And when you have a partner who starts to treat you badly , you aren 't afraid to end the relationship because you have relationships outside of that one to support you . A person who devalues non - romantic love needs love too much to ever find the real thing . At worst , their neediness drives potential lovers away . What 's the solution then ? I don 't entirely know . Romance is too powerful a drug to be unimportant to people . Audiences want it in their movies and books . Kids dream of it and teenagers can barely think of anything else . It 's always going to matter . But I do think we could stand to tone it down a bit . For instance , I don 't put my husband before my kids . I love my husband and my kids , in different ways , and they know it . Both of those ways are important . I also have been sheltering them , so far , from romance in the media they consume , just as I shelter them from violence . I don 't think they 're ready for it , and I think this time , when they 're young , is a good time to teach them the value of other things . We 're making a big deal out of Valentine 's Day this year , because I 've discovered that the kids and I share an enthusiasm for making a big fuss over every holiday ever . They made cards for their loved ones ( grandparents and friends ) and we had heart - shaped cookies . Tomorrow we 're having a fancy - dress party with some friends . ( We also took some time to learn about what real hearts really look like and what they do , because Marko was curious . Unschooling FTW . ) To us , it 's a day of love , and love has no limits . It 's not for couples only , because everyone can love and deserves to be loved . Happy Valentine 's Day to everyone . I seem to remember St . Valentine was a celibate bishop who wrote loving letters to his flock from prison . Perhaps that 's a good root to get back to , instead of making a giant sappy fuss over romantic relationships . Today , appreciate all of your loved ones , and remember that you are loved whether or not you have a date today . Last week I had a music - sharing session with a friend of mine . That is , we got together and spent the afternoon playing our favorite songs for each other . This was very scary for me because , on the one hand , I usually don 't enjoy music till I know it well enough to follow along , and on the other , sharing music I like is as scary as wearing clothes I like . What if people don 't like it ? ( And of course people generally don 't like it , because I like very inaccessible music . ) This has been a very disappointing year for Republicans , thanks to Trump . Trump is the worst . And not because , as many people are , I am afraid he will become president . I think that 's highly unlikely . Even him becoming the nominee is fairly unlikely - - though that would probably destroy the Republican Party , at least any segment of it I had any sympathy with . John is worried because , as a card - carrying member of the party , he is supposed to support the eventual nominee , whoever it is . If he doesn 't , they could kick him out . I think this is absurd and a great way to remove from your party anyone with a lick of principle . But perhaps that is the goal . But my real issue with Trump is what he has done to the rest of the field . He 's made Cruz look like a reasonable choice ! And he ate up all the contrarian , populist vote which , up to then , had belonged to Rand Paul . It 's very sad . Rand Paul had a great " moment " two years ago , back when Americans cared about privacy and didn 't want to invade Syria . Now , with ISIS on the move and several terrorist attacks in the past year , paranoia has set in and people want a strong leader who will read all their emails , shut out immigrants , and go to war in as many places as possible . I cannot blame the " system " for this . In so many past years , I believed that deep down most Americans wanted what I want and things were just stacked against people who want what I want . This year , I have to confess that they don 't want what I want . They want to feel safe , even if it means tyranny . When Rand dropped out of the race ( sob ! ) I went and researched all the other Republican candidates . Not one is even mildly non - interventionist . Cruz said he 'd carpet - bomb ISIS ( which is located inside civilian cities , remember ) until the sand glowed . . . and he is the least interventionist of the Republicans , apparently . Many of the candidates also believe in deporting all undocumented immigrants who are currently here , which I think is inhumane and also really expensive and bad for the sectors of the economy which rely on immigrant labor . Many of the candidates are pro - life , which is good , but not something I 've focused on much since I realized no one is interested in doing jack about abortion . Instead the Republican pro - life position has been a way to coerce single - issue voters into voting for them regardless of how much they suck otherwise . Or , in Mark Shea 's phrase , " Vote for us or the baby gets it . " So where does that leave me ? Don 't hate me , but . . . . I 'm seriously considering Sanders . He is reasonably non - interventionist , not just in a faddish way , but on principle - - he was an anti - war protester back in the day and he was one of the very few who voted against the Iraq War . ( It 's so easy for candidates to condemn it now , but do they think we forgot they were in favor of it then ? ) Surprisingly , he also wants to audit the Federal Reserve , which I had thought was a conservative position , but apparently it 's just the logical position of anyone who isn 't funded by big banks . He supports some campaign finance reforms that I think would be a good idea , and because of this he doesn 't accept money from big businesses and PACs . He seems like an honest , principled guy and that 's more than I can say for anyone else still standing . Of course there are huge downsides . His " free college " idea strikes me as ridiculous and I have no idea if his healthcare plan would work . ( Of course , I think almost anything is likely to be better than what we have , but . . . still . ) But I put a lower priority on those things because I know they 're politically unviable . The GOP will have a majority in the House , at least , so it 's not going to be possible for him to increase taxes the way he means to . He 'll have to settle for some more reasonable compromise . But foreign policy does not require the backing of Congress , not really ( as Obama proved in his Syria involvement ) and so it 's vital to have someone I actually trust in that position . I like that Sanders isn 't going to ditch the Iran deal - - which , maligned as it is by conservatives , seems to be our best hope of keeping Iran peaceful . I like that he has been willing in the past to cross Israel - - and he can 't get called anti - Semitic for doing so , because he 's Jewish himself . ( Whereas Cruz was a jerk to a group of Palestinian Christians because they wouldn 't " stand with Israel . " I find that really absurd . ) Now I really , really don 't want Clinton for president . Her foreign policy is dreadful and we have plenty of evidence of it , since she was secretary of state . She wanted boots on the ground in Syria . And , of course , she might be going to jail for the emails thing . And yet , I think that the Democrat is likely to win in the next election , seeing how nasty the GOP has been lately . I mean , the nasty rhetoric on immigration wins with the base , but 75 % of the country is against mass deportation . They 're not going to vote for a guy who won the nomination by suggesting it . As a result , I don 't think I will vote in the Republican primary , because there is no candidate I like in the running . Virginia has open primaries : I can select whichever party 's ballot I want on primary day . So I think I will vote in the Democratic primary and vote for Sanders , so that Clinton won 't get it . In the general election , though , I 'm still undecided . It sort of depends on who 's in the running at that point . If I really don 't like either main candidate , I might vote for Gary Johnson or maybe , just for kicks , Jill Stein . Why not ? We had massive quantities of snow in that " blizzard " the other week . We were snowed in from Friday afternoon till Monday evening . It was nice . The kids found it too cold to play in much ( despite all their longing for snow ! ) but we went for walks in the snow and said hi to our snowed - in neighbors doing their shoveling . And we bought Star Wars : A New Hope on Amazon for the kids to watch . Marko has chosen to watch a few minutes it almost every night ever since , for his bedtime show . I think he 's gotten through the whole movie at least four times . Once it warmed up a bit , we actually did get to build snow caves and snowmen , so the kids got some fun out of it . Michael kept insisting it was a white Christmas . Whatever , dude . Michael shoveling while the snow falls - - so he can experience what it 's like for me to clean up while he 's in the process of making a mess . He didn 't mind though . The height of the drifts the morning after the storm , with a Marko added for scale . Pretty sure that 's the most snow we 've had since we moved here . The kids are in a rather easy phase at the moment . ( * waits for smiting by Internet gods * ) They just play Star Wars all day . Sometimes there are fights because Michael is talking in English and Marko says he has to speak only in Wookie language , or whatever , but it 's pretty chill . Marko still sings and hums pretty much nonstop , but as his repertoire increases it becomes even more overstimulating . For instance , he 'll be humming the Star Wars theme , then O Christmas Tree , then the Imperial March , then Ode to Joy , then Angels We Have Heard on High , then the Han and Leia theme . . . in the course of a few minutes . On the bright side , he 's started stammering a lot less . Maybe music is helping , or maybe his mouth is catching up a bit with his brain . He also has managed to talk to other adults a bit - - we successfully left all three kids with friends when we went to see the new Star Wars , and no one was any trouble at all . Michael is less needy than he used to be , by a long shot . He still will hug and snuggle any time , but he isn 't so demanding about it . I guess I should expect this , seeing as he 's almost four , but he 's always seemed younger than his age , so it 's weird that he 's suddenly pretty low - maintenance . He throws a fit sometimes if he doesn 't get what he wants , but he will usually snap out of it if you offer a hug and a kiss . His grammar is full of errors ( " goed , " " brung , " and " mans " appear in his speech often ) and he mispronounces some words ( like " Star Vors " or " somefling " ) but he 's very fluent . And also hilarious . He is so imaginative and he likes to say some crazy thing and then give this huge grin , like " can you believe this stuff ? " Every night , he watches his cartoon ( usually Peep and the Big Wide World ) and when it 's over , he sometimes makes a bit of a fuss . But that ends when John says , " Go give Mama a hug and kiss . " He runs over with this huge smile to get a " picking - up hug and kiss , " or sometimes three or four of each . Meanwhile Miriam runs to the bedroom and gets in Michael 's bed , which is a personal joke of her own . Michael goes in there to get into bed , finds Miriam there , and often begs me to let her stay ( which I don 't , she won 't sleep ) . And then he gives her a big hug and kiss . It 's the cutest thing that has ever happened . The past couple of weeks , we 've instituted a clean - up time so that they actually clean up their toys . It 's accomplished with lots of threats and rewards and nagging , so I hate it , but on the other hand , I feel much more relaxed about letting them make a mess when I know I 'm not going to be the one to clean up . Marko does most of the work while Michael goofs around , but then , Marko didn 't clean anything either at that age . And if I say , " Hey , Michael , Marko 's winning ! " he 'll hurry and pick up a toy . Somehow adding competition to anything , whether between each other or against me , makes things super exciting and fun . Perhaps a boy thing ? It 's hard to say . Miriam suffered through a week in which her right upper molar was coming in and the gum over it was hugely swollen and purple - - which , amazingly , didn 't seem to make her too fussy , but she did nurse a lot and sleep badly . And now that it 's in , along with all her canines , she 's feeling much better . I mean , she plays independently for whole minutes ! This is dangerous , of course , because I think she doesn 't need me for a minute and I go wash the dishes , and then I look over and she 's emptying out John 's desk drawers or something . She 's kind of a menace . BUT ! She has reached the magical age where I can see her going for something she 's not allowed to have , and I say , " No , " and she flings herself on the floor and sobs . This does not sound like progress , but it beats ignoring me and continuing to go for the forbidden thing over and over until I have to drag her out of the room . The next step is for her to eventually learn which things are forbidden and just leave them alone , but . . . that will take quite a bit longer , if my memory is right . She says a lot of words : yeah and no , meat , beans , piece , bite , cat , dog , baby , ball , up , down , hot , cold , on , off , out , shoe , shirt , pants , butt , parts ( our word for genitals - - because I 'm a bad parent who doesn 't do proper words for things like I 'm supposed to ) , knee , ear , eye , nose , hair , poop , pee , too ( as in , me too ) , kiss , hug , me ( as in , who wants a cookie ? ME ! ) , bed , Mama , Daddy , Michael , Marko ( both of which sound like " ko " but whatever ) , book , hands ( meaning , wash my hands ) , apple , cracker , cookie , eat , food , hungry , yum ( when she wants your food , she 'll stand by you saying " um , um ! " meaning she wants a bite ) , chair , go . . . . probably more I 'm not thinking of . She never fails to get her meaning across these days , which cuts down on frustration but also leads to some confusion - - when she successfully communicates , for instance , that she wants me to eat a piece of baloney that she just took out of her mouth , and I don 't do it . She just keeps insisting " eat , eat ! " more and more clearly because she thinks I don 't get it . I mean , she is being GENEROUS ! Her favorite thing in the whole world is to stand on a chair or couch , grab your hands , and leap off . . . assuming , of course , that you will " fly " her down . You have to be on the lookout for it because she 'll get hurt if you think she 's just trying to hold your hand for no reason . She does so many cute things it would be hard to enumerate them all . She likes to grab your hand and lead you around the house to show you things . ( Who can resist ? ) She borrows my purse and carries it around . She plays ring - around - the - rosy with her brothers . She holds out her hand to the kitty and then insists on a kiss as if the cat had scratched her , because she knows that 's what cats do . She loves hugs and kisses and never seems to get tired of them . She puts her finger over her lips and says " shh ! " She hugs the dog . She has a stuffed cheetah that she carries around , and she will give it a hug and then hand it to you so you can give it one too . She likes to get in bed and pull the covers up to her chin and pretend she 's sleeping . She will play peekaboo with everyone , even if they 're not playing with her . As for me , I 'm up and down . Periodically I announce to everyone that I 'm all bounced back from Miriam and have energy again and will now commence to achieve things . Then a week later I 'm wiped out again and can barely get the dishes done each day . I 'm not sure what 's going on . It 's not strictly correlated with sleep , though perhaps in the long term a lack of sleep is part of it . I am convinced that eating a raw spinach salad gives me energy - - or at least , it makes me feel healthy . It 's possible that I 'm anemic . Or maybe I just don 't have the momentum to accomplish stuff and if I just pushed myself to get started , I 'd get stuff done . Some days I certainly do . But if I leave the house , even if it 's just to go to the library , the rest of the day is generally a wash . On the bright side , my mood is noticeably better than a few months ago - - I feel happy most days , I don 't yell much , and every day when I 've felt down in months , it was for a good reason . Anyway , I 'm trying to be patient with myself and remember that just because I can 't do much right now doesn 't mean that my entire life is going to be like this so that I never write another book or finish another spinning project again . I finished Buffy ( which was great , and the ending was not the horrible tragedy I was expecting ) so I 've started a couple new shows : Dark Matter and Gilmore Girls . Why two shows at once ? Because neither has everything I want - - one has adventure and mystery and the other has humor and relationships . So when I 'm feeling like something to get my heart pounding , I watch Dark Matter , and when I just want something to entertain me while I do a little knitting , I watch Gilmore Girls . So far I 'm a whole season into Gilmore Girls and only three episodes into Dark Matter , so that 'll tell you something . Both are quite good and I 'd recommend them . Seeker . Mother . Writer . Gardener . Whoever it 's from , this vast universe is a gift and I am trying to say thank you every day .
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Three days and counting down . The house is done , baking finished , gifts wrapped so now it 's onto the house work . I swear we make more work for ourselves . The joy of the Holidays , spending way to much , eating , drinking and playing way to much . Everything in excess . As a quilter I make even more work for myself cause well you want to make that special gift for your family and friends . Sorry guys but I did not go crazy . Okay let me rephrase that . 25 tea towels made and already given away , 50 little bags made and most have been given away , two quilts done and given , two table runners , two wall hangings have also been sent . And that is what I did in the last two months . Now got smart and told a friend no I would not make her mother in law a quilt so she came and sewed for a night and then booked a long arm quilter as I said no again . Happy dance for me for standing up and realizing that I could not do everything . Sometimes we have to learn to take a look at our schedules and rethink what can be done and will be done . Today I am working on a quilt that is due on the 8th of January . The blocks where all finished in the spring early summer . Scheduling issues NOT just like most of us left it to the last minute now in panic mode and look still not doing it cause I am Blogging . Evil laugh . Goal today is lay the blocks out and figure out the best way to showcase these amazing blocks . And well the ladies that graced me with such a gift I don 't want to let them down so will try and showcase each block to its best . May be under the gun but will not let time get in the way . That is what I plan to be doing this week in my spare time . Now my wonderful husband also booked us a couple of days at the Banff Springs so we will be escaping between the Christmas holidays and New Years . He has been traveling so much he though it would be nice to recharge . Okay I know he has been staying in hotels most of this month but he wants to spend time with me . No distractions , kids or dog . So today thinking will head to the Cat 's Pajama 's and buy Posted by Just got home from doing my shift for Inn out of the Cold it is 5 : 38 am in the morning yes still up and know once my head hits the pillow I will be out like a light . Now lots is going on in my head as to how the rest of my day is going to go . Sleep till ten , maybe make a piece of toast while the coffee is brewing . Head to the bank to pay my taxes ( Filed late this yr . ) Not worrying about how I am paying this bill because the money is there . Then grocery store , liquor store then home , friend coming over to use the long arm so she can finish her Christmas gifts . My husband will arrive home around four then we will get ready to go to a Christmas party . This is what this day will involve . Well tonight I swear more people could not sleep , needed to have a smoke , or just wondering about . Very unusual since wake up is at six and they are on the bus heading out by seven . Here is what these Homeless working poor have to look forward to . Wake up in 15 minutes , where if you want a shower you have to wait cause there are only two showers and 15 people that could want one . But you have only one hour to pack up your stuff shower and eat . On the menu is eggs , toast , bacon and fruit . Sounds good but this is the menu everyday if you are using the Inn . 7 : 00 am on the bus to head downtown . It 's cold out , might not have the right cloths for this weather in need of a smoke . If your lucky you have work to go to if not your on the cold streets of Calgary . Lunch was given to you so no worries about filling that need but where does one get hot water to use for the instant soup ? Next worry getting back to the Inn pick up point by 4 : 30 to catch a bus to the next church that is housing you for the night . Along with a million other worries about surviving on the streets . Okay hope you have a mental picture . My family was homeless when I was a child my parents did their best but moving , changing cities and jobs left cash flow short . First and Last months rent is hard to save for when you are just trying to get by in a day . Did not help thPosted by Morning , Just checking my list of things to do before the holiday crazy begins . We all have those lists even if it 's just in our heads . Who 's on our Christmas shopping list , when will you have time to write that letter to go into the cards . What events will be happening that we need to plan for . And how is one going to pay for it all . So the crazy begins . Each year I swear we set ourselves up to drive ourselves and our loved ones crazy . For example I am thinking about my cards and letter but before I even get fingers to the computer low and behold my first Christmas card will be in the mail box from my mother . How this crazy lady does it every year still amazes me , but hers will be our first card and that 's my Que to get my butt in gear and send out the cards . Could do it today but know I will wait until next week before it 's done . And that 's how we set ourselves up for the crazy . Now don 't get me wrong my Christmas shopping is done yes you read that right . I start on boxing day for the next year . Sales baby Sales . Plus picking things up all year helps to spread the cost over the year rather than during November and December . This allows our family to do more with out having to pay in the next year . Planning ahead always . So my plan for this year is to keep it simple ( Laughing so hard right now ) Okay yes I am keeping it Simple - which in my world this year it means to Share , Implement , Multi task , Plan , Laugh and Enjoy . Keeping it Simple . So no stressing ones self out cause the tree is not perfect or those cookies are a little burnt . Over the last couple of years I have come to figure out that no you don 't need to decorate upstairs and downstairs , each room does not have to reflect the season it just needs to be clean for your company . Your friends are coming to visit you so if there is a cookie to offer wonderful if not I am sure the company is still much better . So you can see the plan forming evil laugh , yes my friends will becoming over to bake , my family will decorate the tree together even if it takes Right now finishing up a quilt for JD 's girlfriend , have Christmas towels to finish sewing , Have to arrange Christmas party for the wonderful women I sew with on Fridays , well you get the picture . On the bright side already ahead of the game because it 's still November . Now to get off this machine and start working on a class sample . This Sunday am teaching all day so if you want to come play and make a Secret Santa to give or keep come play with me at My Sewing Room , thinking the class still has space ( call the store for more information ) Promise it will be done before Christmas . So there you have it my plans , so what do you have planned and will you drive yourself crazy ? Well I have no idea where the month we t . I swear between work , kids , husband and my life in general this month has flown by as it is I still have paperwork and GST to deal with before the end of the mon h . At least the government fixed the $ 64 , 000 dollar error on their pa t . Can you imagine getting that bill needless to say I was not a happy camper that d y . Where would one come up with that kind of ca h ? But I am not the only person dealing with government screw u s . My friend J had to spend the last month proving that they had a third child whom is in grade 2 . I figured after the sixth trip into their offices I would be pulling my shirt up and showing the stretch marks lmao all in fun So this month I started teaching we had an amazing weekend of sewing and I think the ladies took something away with them . It was fun and scary all at the same time . I have also opened my studio up so if you care to come and sew with me your more than welcome . My first victim ( pardon student ) evil evil laugh was J . She took the workshop but since she does not own a machine or tools she came to finish her quilt at the studio . Well let me tell you for a girl that just turned 13 this month she did an great job . She finished her quilt including the binding and label . Okay we sewed the binding by machine which saved us much time . But I swear I have been doing more and more binding by machine these days . Unless the quilt is heading to a show or it 's something really special to the machine it goes . Don 't get me wrong I love doing binding by hand . The other thing is labels . Please quilters start doing labels . Matt Sparrows the man quilter bought a hand quilted quilt at VV yesterday for $ 20 dollars someone went to a lot of work on this quilt for it to end up having no voice . I told J while she was finishing her label that yes this was her first larger quilt , it 's from a pattern but the thing that makes her quilt special is the label . It tells a story of the journey she took as a young girl . So the next owner will look at the quilt with different eyes . They are going to understand this was her first quilt , she is just learning so yes the stitching may not be perfect , it 's not totally square but it 's a right of passage . This teen has fallen in love with quilting and already planning her next quilt . ( So if you know of someone getting rid of a sewing machine get back to me cause I would love to be able to help her along the way ) Any ways that has been this month hard to believe that it 's almost over . I did finish my GST yesterday and filed it on line lets see how that works . Now while the kids are watching movies today I may be able to get some invoicing done . Then tomorrow spend the day invoicing and decorating the yard . RPosted by Morning , taking a break from kids & quilting . Spent the morning dropping the kids off at school playing with the two that are here all day then back to school to pick up the kindergarten kids . Will have to start thinking about lunch but that can wait while I type this and drink my first cup of coffee . Fall is a time for change , the leaves change color , the air is changing where you can feel the winter winds coming . The kids are back to school and learning and moving into another stage of their lives . This year is no different in our house . Jordan is now 18 in university and well do I need to say it moving into another stage of his life . His schedule makes it so there are days when one does not see him . This did not bother me until this week when Rodney headed out of town on Sunday . This week it has basically been just me and the dog at home dealing with everything , which is nothing new but I have had a ton to deal with . This summer we had two hail storms roll in and needless to say our roof did not survive or that is what the guys said when they checked our roof . So dealing with insurance and adjusters , then will have to find a roofing company to do the work before the snow flies . Then my mom fell , well between her doctor and aide 's phone calls I swear the phone was connected to my ear . We have finally convinced my mother that she really does need a phone . This is something we all have been working on for years but Doris ( mom ) would have nothing to do with a phone . So yesterday I spent hours on the phone making the arrangements to have one installed and me being billed so Doris does not see the bill . Well even my mother has come to the conclusion that her life is changing due to her age . Now on reflection I have an aging parent that is going to be needing more and more but with her medical history one can 't move her closer to be able to deal with issues first hand . Tkg I have set into place some great people . Change sometimes is a good thing and other times not so much . This October my little world is also goinPosted by Morning All , well my magic fence has done it 's job again . Okay for those that don 't know I live at the end of a block so the alley runs beside my house then sidewalk and the main street in our community . When I need to get rid of something I put the item or items beside our fence . Well let me tell you this fence has magical powers cause it doesn 't matter what I put there it 's gone with in minutes . Yesterday I was in Purge mode , three trips to the thrift store , many trips across the street to sneak garbage into the neighbors bin . They are doing Reno 's so they have one of those large bins on the front yard at the moment . Evil laugh Steve whom was helping me purge filled that bin . Good thing I don 't know these people . But the items that really one could have sold or given away needed somewhere to go , so beside the fence they went . Large kennel , 150 pound punching bag , furniture , wood , shelving you name it those items where placed . Well today is trash day so around I go with my recycle box and what do you know but everything was gone cleared away nowhere to be found . I am loving that fence . So yes I am at it again purging , watching my friend move and pack up junk made me look at our home and think if we had to move would one take what was in this house ? Sunday ten bags of cloths and misc . items left the house , Tuesday Steve and I cleaned out the storage room and back closet . Like I said three trips where made to Value Village to donate . And today two more bags are in my truck ready to go . Last night all the shelves where removed from the hall closet and back closet then painting until 2 : 00 am this morning . Crazy I know but Jigsaw is coming in today to organize all my closets . They did such an amazing job with the studio three weeks ago that I am having them back to help get the stuff that is behind closed doors organized . Well me being me I would clean my home before the cleaning lady came ( no I don 't have a cleaning lady sigh ) so purging , cleaning and painting where all done saves time and money . So today shoulPosted by Well where has the summer gone ? Mine has been so full one has not had time to have people over for a BBQ but that will change in the next couple of weeks we hope . Well let me tell you what I did last week even though I was sick as a dog . I hired an Organization company called Jigsaw Organization Inc . Now I really did not know how they where going to turn my studio into something that would work better as for years I tried everything to keep my fabrics safe , my threads in order all the beads , paints and art supplies in some kind of manageable order . Like most quilters we get into our space pull things out to find that perfect fabric then when we look up our working area looks like it blew up . And let me tell you I hate working in a mess so before I can start playing the area gets cleaned first which limits my play time ( things like family , house work , real work and the dog seem to need my attention ) . Well that was where Sharon and her gang promised to do there best . I kept telling her that she was missing a whole market of women that need her help but would not part with the tools of the trade . So she offered to come into my world and see what a quilter needed and what was so different about our little breed . The first visit I walked them through my world where most of my spare time is spent . ( Yes even I have spare time ) . I clashed a little with the one lady because she wanted to remove the dogs bed as if I would let that happen , Luna is always close by . And she wanted my small fridge out . When they left I was worried about what I had let myself in for ahhh . Then Sharon came back in a couple of days with their proposal , and walked me through what they wanted to do . She really wanted to hang all my fabric lmao . for those quilters can you imagine ! Sharon laughed at me cause she said the look on my face needless to say hangers went to the side as not in this life time . I showed her how one goes about picking fabric for a project and it was clear how hangers just would not work . But these are the things she nPosted by Afternoon , Just taking a break from working on the long arm . Trying to challenge myself and expand my skills but it all takes time and practice . Doing laundry , listening to the television and enjoying a simple Sunday . Later will be burning burgers on the BBQ . Okay will not burn them but that 's the plans for the day . So yesterday we hosted a dinner for friends that are moving from Calgary to Saskatoon . We had a great time lots of people , great food good company . Our friends where saying we would have to come visit them . Which got me to thinking . Bad thing I know . Anyways they are moving about six hours away . Guess that 's not far but would I make the trip ? Sorry to say don 't think it will happen . My in laws live only four hours away and I can count how many times we have visited in the last five years on one hand . Not that we don 't love them it 's just life . It seems between kids sports , work , chores and just running the house and gardens time just flies by . Just seems you almost have to plan for a drive . Rod wants to do more car trips but I hate being in the car for more than an hour . We have friends in Kelowna and still have not made it to their home , would like to but scheduling seems to be an issue . We have other friends that just hop in their car and go leave Saturday come home Sunday and just go with the flow . Mind you I look at our life and understand why it 's hard getting away . In the next month all our weekends are filled with one thing or another that we can 't change . Thank goodness for our back yard . For those that have never been to our little slice of heaven come all are welcome . Well guess that was all that was on my mind . Just wondering if other people have that problem when friends move . Do we keep in contact or do we lose it . Face book has made it so that I am now in contact with people I have not seen in years or that matter decades . Just something to get you to thinking . So today I hired an organizer . I have a friend that runs a company that specializes in organizing ones home , office and what ever you need . This is something one would not picture me needing but my studio gets clean then before one knows it well it looks like a boom went off in it . Plus I am a visual person so if I can 't see it well out of site out of mind . Thinking it 's time to get professionals in so that my studio is always clean and workable . Can 't seem to work in it if it 's a mess so some days will spend an hour cleaning so can play for two hours to have the mess all over again . . Evil laugh just how I work . So hoping this helps . We are trading services instead of handing over cash . This is how we have been saving money and still getting what we need done . Got the fence done , gave our friend Denise 's name to a few friends and he got so much work he did our fence for free . Works for us that 's for sure . With the purse strings being so tight these days for a lot of us it 's nice to be able to exchange services instead of cash . How are you saving money would love to hear idea 's on ways to save . Plus anyways to keep my studio clean would be helpfull . Now guess one should see what needs to get done go wake up the kid then deal with my day . Chat later . Morning , so just wondering how the brain works . For example I never forget things I read , watch or learn but things like a persons name another story . In my world if I call you sweetie or honey my family and friends know I can 't recall your name . This has plagued me my whole life . If you are not someone that I know will be in my life for a while I just don 't register your name . Don 't do this on purpose just happens . Now faces never forget , so if I have met you well you will get one killer smile from me but chances are you will be sweety . My brain just does not waste space holding names . Silly just wondering if anyone else has this problem ? I also do this regarding my Anniversary . I swear that date eludes my memory . Been married now for 26 yrs . Husband came home from business and kisses me and says Happy Anniversary . Ah should put date on calendar but to be honest still would forget about it . So what is my mind doing ? Just a thought nothing more but what do you think and how does your mind work . We all tick a little different which is a good thing . I am looking after a 10 month old child and let me tell you , you can see exactly what he is thinking . Its amazing watching him discover the world and how it works . The older kids you know what they are thinking cause they have not mastered the cover up . So I consider myself a creative soul and my mind is always spinning and seeing the world in a much different way than say my son or husband . My husband sees everything in black and white , where I think our son sees the world through sound . Guess that 's what makes each person special we see things differently . Anyways just wondering , So today I will be working on a quilt that I promised a friend over two yrs ago . Been working on it non stop for the last week . Hoping to finish it tomorrow . Been letting the creative side of the brain work this week . Nice to be free with what I am doing . Then will spend the afternoon Baking for the weekend . Archery Camp this weekend for us which we all love . Get to see people we have notPosted by Good morning , the sun is trying to sneak out from behind the clouds but don 't know if it 's going to win the battle but such is life . I don 't know about you all but I hate the rain it makes me curl up under a quilt and read . Not saying reading is a bad thing cause we all should try and read more but it 's the cocooning that I do . Lately due to the weather I have not been my happy creative little soul . It had been over two weeks since I last touched my sewing machine . And almost a month since I worked on anything special . Well this had effected my personality in ways that I did not Know . Two friends called to see if I was okay and doing well because they where worried . It was eyeopening to say the least . Well on the weekend I picked up a new book and a CD . Then on Sunday finally got into the Studio to play . Started and finished a block for my friend Sandra . Which jump started my spirits . Then thought I would start a new quilt following the pattern . Me follow a pattern with out changing it to make it my own what a thought . giggle giggle . So started making the blocks . Not sure about my color picks once I saw the completed blocks . That 's okay cause I can always use it for the background of a new creation . Any ways went to my class last night took the fabric I had been using on these new blocks and used them in Class . Well guess what four different blocks later some abstract designs and now I know where this new quilt is heading . Sorry Eleanor Burns just could not stay in your box . As the creative box exploded I could feel my energy levels rising . Ah to have my energy tanks get filled up was what my spirit needed . So how do you charge your soul or spirit ? That 's the question of the day . I know for me it 's playing in the garden , making a batch of cookies or a cake but most importantly for me is to let the creativity flow . The more one plays and lets the mind play the happier the spirit feels for me . My Grandmother painted , my mother draws , and I have always struggled because I am creative but could not say I was an artiPosted by Hello , what a crazy day our weather has been here in Calgary . Since Monday I spent it clean out flower beds , putting up the gazebo , putting out the day bed and lawn furniture , Setting up Hot Tub and just generally working hard so that this weekend all one has to do is bring out the coffee and morning paper and enjoy sitting out on our deck knowing the chores have been done . All the hanging baskets have been hug , flower beds are now ready to be filled but this is the fun things which we enjoy doing . On Wednsday after a couple of hard days working outside had a good Friend over for dinner and glass of wine plus a catch up . Then dropped her off at home . Came back changed into my swimming suite and hopped into our new hot tub which I set up on Monday . Here is a picture of Luna being the first one to use it . Could not explain to the dog it was not a water bed ! She loves the heat . Then another friend came over and we soaked in the tub while watching American Idol ( A couple of wine coolers in hand ) So Monday was hot Tuesday was nice , Wednesday was wonderful taking full advantage of the spring and nice weather . Well this morning woke up to rain rain and more rain . Had only two kids today so they played while I did some paperwork . Then let me tell you this is what I looked out the window at just after lunch . Can you imagine ahhh . I now have hanging plants in the shower and under the gazebo . There are 30 tomato plants in our kitchen really glad did not get to those . So if you live in a warm area enjoy and just remember some of us deal with snow at the stupidest times . Just think it 's Heritage Parks festival of quilts this weekend and I know if there is snow on the ground I will not be attending . Got to love Calgary . But if you do get a chance go to heritage park and take a look at the amazing quilts you might even see my newest crazy . Froggie went a courting . Snow still shaking my head . Posted by Morning , just going through my emails which in it 's self is funny to think about . At one time we would be going through the mail . Well if your mail is like mine all there seems to be is bills and junk mail . Mind you emails are just about the same . You weed through all the junk people send you for example all the chain style letters . Then you have all the jokes and pictures but really it seems no one really takes the time to write anymore . I use to love sending letters and getting them . They where in your hands you could feel them , see them and know that the sender was really taking time out of there day to sit and write you . I still write a few people for one reason or another . I wrote my Husbands grandmother every week for years till she passed , nothing important was said in them but what we where up to that week . And well I know she enjoyed getting those letters . At Christmas I always take the time to write and post a letter with our Christmas cards to catch everyone up . But someone told me about three years ago they hate getting letters like that cause it was look here is what we are doing and the kids are doing so well etc . ( Note this person never got a letter from me ) Never thought about it like that although I have never been one that brags about the Kid . Anyways I think this is why I like to Blog and use face book . Some where out in cyberspace another person is wanting to connect with another soul . It 's like having a pen pal . Chances of you meeting that person is not high but you enjoy writing them . Last month I met a person that I had made friends on face book . It was amazing to put a face to the notes on the screen . Plus I think we clicked right away and know we will be friends for a long time . So the question of the day is . . . What would you rather have a letter posted through the mail or a email which is better ? Anyways that 's what was on my mind when I started Blogging . So Yesterday finally got into the garden . Did some clean up and wow I have more hours to go but it will happen . Then worked on finisLoopy D 's It 's May , which in my world means one starts thinking about the garden and what one plans to do with it . In the City of Calgary the main gardening rule is this , Do not plant until after the May long weekend . So you do the math we have a really short growing season . Things are popping up all over my garden and I want to uncover the new growth but it will wait for another two weeks so that the greens are protected until after the last crazy snow we will get . Now if you have to start gardening here are some things you can do to save you money and meet your neighbors . Go for a walk , look at all the gardens in the area most gardeners have plants they need to split or move or for that matter just give away . I know I am always looking to share as my plants seem to start taking over the space in no time flat . So ask and you may just met your newest friend . Plus you just saved yourself at least fifty bucks at the garden centre . Also start going to yard sales , if you think outside the box you may find that one item that will go into your garden with out you spending a ton . People are always giving crazy things away that if you rework you might just have that special thing in the garden that makes people stop and look at your yard . And really who cares what the weather does to them it was cheap . I buy mirrors for my fence at yard sales and then hang them , it adds depth to my small yard plus I can see what the kids are doing and they wonder how . Evil laugh . Old yard furniture can be painted . Last year I tried to give this old garden bistro set away for free to friends and no one would take it . Well a trip to the hardware store 4 cans of spray paint . Yellow , Blue , Red and a bright green a couple of hours of work and now the Bistro set is amazing . Plus the one friend said she would love to have them now . Hits of color in the yard also help . I plant perennials and to say the least they are not showy flowers , or they are but for a short time . But add some yard art that has color and it 's interesting . No I don 't do garden gnome ' Posted by Afternoon everyone , taking a break right now the kids are eating papaya fruit and dogs are asleep . The wind and snow outside is just crazy stupid . Well I will say one thing about weather like this it makes you want to stay under a quilt and read a book . This is not in my cards today as well last week I did not do paperwork or invoicing for that matter anything I normally do . Quilts Canada was my main focus . But got into the swing of things this week . Cleaned the studio and reorganized . You would think this would be a simple process but I swear I can purge like a crazy fool when it comes to everyday things but quilting stuff I can 't seem to let go cause you may need it . The words every man uses when talking about nuts and bolts . My fathers voice rings in my head lol . Well it took two days to finally do it all . My fabrics are in a hutch so they will no longer be exposed to the sun . They are organized by color and let me tell you one would think I would have a ton of Purple but in fact Blue is the one that is over flowing . My closet is now organize and one can see everything and everything has a home . The cutting table is now totally set up so I can cut most anything . Sewing station is cleaned dust bunnies gone . So when I get my sewing machine back it 's space is clean . Time for it 's Oil Lube and Filter to be done . Just like my car one needs to keep it in good running order and annual cleanings are important . So while it is in the shop the invoicing will get done cause well there is no distractions . Hard to get my homework done but well that 's just life . At quilts Canada we went to a lecture on organizing ones sewing room . Well let me tell you some ladies sure make wonderful quilts in shitty spaces . I left feeling good about my studio but could improve a few things which I think happened this week . Didn 't take much away from that lecture other than knowing my work space was more than most have . So what does your spaces look like does it function the way it should . You may not quilt but where you create does it work for you ? So many people work at the dinning room table and the lighting may not be great so take this thought away today . You deserve your own space to work so claim some space in your home that is just yours . That 's a thought I have a friend that writes and she needs to find that space to write . That amazing novel needs a jumping off point . Well since I have now wasted thirty minutes doing this should get back to invoicing and cleaning up the mess the kids are making . Go and enjoy your day even if it 's snowing . ahhhhhhhh Good morning , sun is out and I am heading to the convention centre to pick up my quilt . It was an amazing week . The quilts in Quilts Canada where works of art even mine fit right in ( well I hope it did ) . Although seeing all those wonderful quilts has inspired me to kick it up a notch . It 's a good thing to have a challenge even if it is one you set for yourself . So for those that know me look out cause the crazy is just about to get worse . Evil laugh , the newest quilt idea is floating in my head waiting to break forth . I even met Matt the quilting Man at the show and think I have found the right person to quilt my quilts . Plus I think all his kids are going to love my monkeys . Yes the new quilt will be filled with flying monkeys , monkeys in a barrel I don 't know how many but I am up for a little monkey business . lol . Like I said it 's in my head right now . Would love your impute cause well the more the merrier . So my face book friend packed up her bags and headed back to Montana , truck loaded not with to much extra but with a new quilt sitting on the seat beside her . Yes she was the first person in Deb 's quilting boot camp . In just five days we started and finished a lap size quilt . Taught her the Disappearing Nine patch quilt . We got the top done borders on and then headed downstairs to the long arm . There I taught her how to load the quilt . She has the same frame as I have and has owned it for over a yr but has not used it because the instructions suck . Quilt loaded and off she went . Training wheels off . She did a great job and will improve with more practice . Words I should heed as I am way to hard on myself and my skills . Then Made Her load a second quilt with out my help so that once home she knows what she is doing . Then she started quilting the second quilt . She made the mistake of not checking her back for thread tension and we had three inches all across the quilt to take out . Note to self when teaching don 't leave for ten minutes to deal with something else . Will not do that one again . Finished the BindinPosted by Today was a good day , spent time with a friend working on a quilt she had never done . We visited and got to know each other . This wonderful women came into my life through a block exchange . We got to know each other on Facebook . The joys of the internet . It 's funny cause well she has been married almost as long as Rod and I have . And we share similar interests . She took the leap of faith that us Canadians where kind people and is staying with us for the week to enjoy Quilts Canada . Yesterday she arrived and hope she felt welcomed . Anyways today I was a slave driver . lol can you imagine evil giggle I worked her fingers to the bone working on a disappearing nine patch . We got the top done and will get the borders on in the next day or so . Then it was off to My Sewing room , http : / / www . mysewingroom . ca / to see the biggest quilt store in Canada . Met up with another friend whom also was in the block exchange then headed to Along came quilting to get our free 6 1 / 2 inch square . Free is free , bought a book which really I did not need but quilting is not about need . Mark Lapinski said that last night to us at his trunk show . We laughter so hard our sides hurt ! ! ! So after our small quilt hopping we headed to dinner enjoyed a wonderful meal and off to quilts Canada we went . I must say when we arrived and I signed in and a rush of fear filled my soul . What was I thinking that I would even consider doing such a silly thing . Standing and waiting to hear my name which sad to say was not called . Yep No ribbon for my quilt . But while I was waiting surrounded by fellow quilters there was much joy for all the winners cause we all understood that each quilt was made with love , much care and thought so we where all winners in some way or another . Heading into the show to see these amazing works of art inspired the three of us . We want to improve , and push a little bit harder to challege our selfs . Floating through I know that I need to improve in alot of area 's but also know that so many amazing teachers have already brought us so Posted by Good morning world , such a gloomy day here in the city of Calgary but my mindset is sunny and cheerful . Think one has to be that way even when the world around you seems grey . Thought for today , if you surround yourself with the colors that make you feel something does it change how you look at life and live ? I quilt with amazing colors sometimes way to many but it makes my soul sings . A teacher told me I read bright never thought about it before that moment . Then it made me take a look how the quilters around me pick and choose colors . We all choose colors to work with and decorate with because it 's what makes our eyes happy . So if you always pick creams and light colors what does that say about you , or if you pick crazy bold colors does that mean that 's you . Scary thought ! So when I painted my kitchen / dinning room this bright green what does it say about me ? I love it while one of my friends asked when I would repaint it . She really dislikes it . For years my home was white or cream the furniture the same but now color is beginning to take hold and my family and I are living in color . As I told my friend it 's just paint one can pick up a brush and repaint when it 's time to sell as we all can 't live with such color . So what colors does your eye read , are you afraid of color this is something that seems interesting what do you think ? Just putting it out there , now one must head back to my normal life dealing with kids , messes to clean , house work to do , office to run etc . Spent yesterday working on a baby quilt which started at 11 and was finished at 4 to give away at 7 . Needless to say did not do much yesterday so today must kick it into high gear . Have a great sunny day . As I sit in my studio surrounded by fabric , paints , buttons and beads it 's a miracle anything gets done . It 's an organized mess . It gets cleaned at least once a week but when the brain waves start spinning the area reflects the shock waves . I am a visual person so if I don 't see it then well I forget where I put things ( could be old age ) . The goals I have set this year are high which means one does have to focus on keeping the mess in check . So how do you keep things organized ? Thats the question of the day . Yesterday I cleaned my house from top to bottom so I did not have to deal with my paperwork and messy studio . Today I am here surrounded by paper and not wanting to deal with it but one must . Right that 's why I am blogging lol , to avoid avoid avoid . I have started organizing other area 's of my home with some small things but wow some I wish I had thought about years ago . In the kitchen I put hooks up on the cupboard doors on the inside . There hang my measuring spoons , cups and tools to bake . It has made things alot faster and one knows where everything is . Also label everthing and put food in containers rather than leaving in packaging takes up alot less space . Little house need all the space I can find . Been purging this week and will take advantage of Craigs list or Kijji free is free . Well guess one should really face the paper Hope the day finds you well and would love to hear how you organize that one might use . Well another Easter has come and gone . In my world that means that winter is just about over and spring is on its way . Although in Calgary we do nothing until the May long weeknd cause it 's going to snow at least afew more times . So my goal this week is to work out in the yard and gardens when I can enjoy the process and have a head start before the Long weeknd so maybe my family can do something together . Now that is getting harder and harder as Jordan our son gets older . Enjoy your time with your kids when they are young cause I swear once they are teens they have thier own lives and friends . Well today it 's a little cold so I think I will purge my closet . My Friend Donna will like this cause well I give her the bags she takes what she likes then does the value villiage drop . Rule one when you own a little house when something new comes into the house something old or not used has to go . This last two weeks we have been in purge mode and more has gone out than what has come in which is a good thing . So today 's goal is for at least one bag of cloths to go out as I bought four new shirts last week . They where from Value Villiage so not new but new to me I plan to add alittle something to each shirt to practice my embroidery skills . Anyways that 's my day today what are your plans for today and the week . Remember if you set goals they do get done . Take last week I wanted to start and finish an easter quilt it was started on Good Friday and finished the next day . See above picture it was a small goal but once I set my mind that this would be done for easter it was . Mind you it is now in the closet cause I don 't have a home for it . lol . So whats your goal this week , would love to see your comments . For now it 's back to the grind . chat later . Just back from Folk club , if one gets a chance there is nothing better than live music and theatre . Tonight we watched Barney Bentall , Tom Taylor and Shari Ulrich play . We laughted , cryed and just enjoyed the night . Met friends for dinner and drinks before the show . Then it was off to the show . The opening act was a Mary Flower http : / / www . maryflower . com / what an amazing talent she can make a guitar sing . I hate to admit it but the canadian folk scene is not something I know alot about because well our artists in canada don 't get the same exposer as the americans , am learning and my collection of CD 's is growing . So there was my saturday night all wrapped up in a bow . The day was just as full , Rod made breakfast and then we where off in all different directions . Class for me - Learing how to do embroidery Love this class although I challenge the teacher . Today we where making 3 - D flowers , Humming Birds , and Calalillies that where to go onto a easter egg wall hanging . Did the embroidery but let me tell you no silly easter egg will be going on my walls . Evil laugh coming your way . I added them to this really cool art panel I have been making for the last couple of months picture is here although I could have figured out how to turn it around for better viewing . At least I am learning how to post pictures it 's a step in the right direction . Well that was a day in my life hope one was not bored reading this and all your comments are welcome . It 's sunday now and off to bed I go . Have a great sunday do something fun and enjoy the day . D . D . ; ) The joys of blogging ahhh , today would like to figure out how to add pictures and slides so that I can start posting quilt designs and walk you through the process so that if something looks like fun a person might try there hand at making a simple quilt . Last night I was taking a class to make a disappearing nine patch . Really easy and I have made a couple of them in the past . I only took the class cause I have this fun kids pannel with the ABC 's and I wanted to know how to get the placement of the letters right . Well I thought it would be fun to use my new camera and walk you through the process from start to finish . This will happen but maybe not today as well my brain is not working to it 's fullest today . So I will do the quilt today take the pictures and post them tomorrow when I have the time to figure out this crazy mess I made for myself . Other than that the day is unfolding under a cloud of rain . I will load the dishes , and put in a load of laundry , then hit the day running . My friend Sandra spent the night and we had a wonderful breakfast and visit this morning before Jordan ( my son ) took her to the station so she could head to work and him to school . Then I will pull something out of the freezer for dinner cause Rodney will be home sometime today . And between all of that I will play with the kids , and try to finish my homework for class tomorrow . The day is just going to fly by ! So my goal today is to have a clean house , dinner on the table before I head out to Class tonight . If this gets done it frees up the weeknd to enjoy with the family . I hate having to do housework on the weeknds . So what goals have you set for your self today . Lets here them and also if there is something you might like to learn we could do it together . Lets have some comments . hugs . D . D . ; )
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My parents live on the east coast of the US . This means that they are usually 5 hours behind me , well except for when they start daylight savings time roughly two weeks before the UK and then it is only a 4 hour time difference . Anyways , I always do my best thinking around 8am - 9am . I just get these brain waves . I can 't explain it . So usually when I want to tell my parents something important that I have thought about , I can 't just call them right that minute . My mom just generally does not like phone calls between the hours of 3am - 4am . Actually she would probably kick my butt the next time she saw me if I called her at 3 in the morning . So I usually have to remember my grand idea until at least noon . Then I call my dad at work , cause my mom is still asleep . My problem is that by noon sometimes I forget my wonderful idea . Argh ! Time zones suck . Today after the girls are done cleaning their rooms , we are going to head over to the Bob Hope Center . This is a community center on one of the bases here that has an indoor play area . For those of you who are wondering " Why in the heck would they name a community center after an American actor / comedian ? " , let me enlighten you . Ok , so most of you know Memorial Day was on Monday , and no I didn 't do a post for Memorial Day , mostly because this holiday in remembrance for military members who have died while in while in service for our great nation has become just another day off . Also because I think in some small way for Americans , everyday should be Memorial Day . Even if it is just a thought about what has been sacrificed for American freedoms . Now back to Bob Hope , he was a real and true American patriot . He lived every day like it was Memorial Day . Bob Hope donated countless hours to the USO ( an organization that boosts troop moral ) . He did this out of a great love of America and because he believed in our troops . He started his work with the USO in 1941 and continued his work with the organization for 60 years . He headlined shows to entertain troops , often risking his life by going into war zones . Now , to me , this is going above and beyond for our troops . And while I can 't thank him personally because he died in 2003 , I would like to say thank you now . Thank you Mr . Hope for your service to my country , to the troops who defend my nation and for your great sense of humor . You really were a national treasure . So today I will take my kids to the Community Center that was named for a man who was born a British citizen , emigrated to America when he was five years old , and became an American citizen when he was seventeen . I will think about the troops he entertained and the sacrifices they made . I will also be glad that Mr . Hope not only entertained the troops , but the community center named after him can continue his work and entertain my children and the other children of troops stationed abroad . Tuesday Random Thoughts : My way to release the crazy stored up in my head from the past week . Enjoy , the go see Keely , grab the button and release your own crazy upon the intenetz . My landlord 's agent came by on Wed to look that the broke toilet ( it still isn 't fixed ) and while she was here LaLa just had to show the lady her bedroom . As we were going down the hall I swore I smelled dog poop . Let 's get this straight people , my dog has pooped in my house ONCE and it was my fault for not letting her out the night before . I was completely befuddled . I played it cool and pretended that the smell did not exist and when the lady left I went running around the back of my house looking for poop . I couldn 't find any poop . Then I went in the bathroom and saw tell tale skid marks in the toilet . " LaLa did you poop a minute ago ? " " Yeah ! ! ! " God , I hope that woman didn 't smell my child 's stankness . And so it begins . . . my daughter says the last letter of the alphabet is zed . Ok , so usually I change KiKi 's diaper right after her nap , but I fell asleep with her too yesterday and usually she wakes me up if I do this , but she didn 't . So , when I got up and went into the living room to chill out with The Man , I didn 't even think about her diaper cause she usually tells me about it ( I know I should be working on potty training , but I don 't really know if she is ready ) . So , then she comes into the living room in nothing but her diaper ( it is hot in our house and we have no AC ) spreads her legs slightly and starts shaking her butt back and forth with her pee heavy diaper swinging back and forth like a pendulum and declares " I got pee ! " The Man looks and me and we both start laughing and this makes her do it even more . By the time The Man had her diaper changed we were laughing so hard that we had tears streaming down our faces . Everytime I hear Susan Boyle ( from Britain 's Got Talent ) sing it makes me cry . She has the voice of an angel . My kids are a completely crap sleep schedule now that it is half term break . Past 10pm and not in bed . Yes , Posted by On Wednesday I received an award that really knocked my socks off . It was from The Laughing Idiot on her gardening blog . When I went to retrieve it I was so honored and humbled . See , a lot of awards ask you to pick your favorite bloggers , or interesting blogs , etc . This award was different though . The description was this : " These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends . They are not interested in self - aggrandizement . Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut , even more friendships are propagated . Please give more attention to these writers . " And by this description I am truly humbled . I decided to take the Most Wonderful Favorite award and pass it on to other bloggers who fit this description , bloggers who are aren 't just funny and a good read , but bloggers who are in fact people who I would call my friends . 1 . The first blogger I am choosing has been my partner in crime since the beginning of this blog . You guys know him as Captain Dumbass . He and I share a weird sense of humor and our IM conversations ( be glad I don 't save them Captain ) could make Random Tuesday Thoughts posts look like sane and organized well thought out posts . I love hearing about his life with Supreme Leader and his gorgeous little boys Connor and Liam . One of these days the boys are gonna come to my house and we are going to climb the trees in my back yard and watch the planes across the street . 2 . One of my bloggy friends has now become an " in real life " friend . Not From Around Here is a fellow American Expat living over here in England . She and I met in real life a few weeks ago and have been like peas and carrots ever since . She is in one word awesome . We share the same love for so many things from Russian Literature , Sex and the City , Gone with the Wind , and so much more . We are just cut from the same cloth . I wish we could see each other everyday but because of her work schedule and my husband 's travel schedule getting together for a face to face chat is sometimes difficult . 3 . Mama Dawg is not only a great blogger , she iPosted by Ok , actually this just might be another chance for all of you guys to have a laugh at my expense . I may surprise all of you to know I was not an angel in high school . I did not come home on time , I did really stupid things like drinking beer underage , dating really questionable boys and lying to my mother . I never did homework at home ( cause duh that is what the other class periods were for ) . I know all of this is shattering your dreams of me . I did however maintain really good grades , which saved my butt more than once in a pinch ( because she 's a good kid , never in trouble at school ) . Anyhoo out of all the stupid things I did , this is by FAR the stupidest thing I EVER did . No amount of good grades or teen aged smooth talking was gonna get me out of this one . I guess I should start at the beginning for this doozy of a stunt . See I was a senior in high school , it was 1999 and I thought I was in - freakin - vincible . Now , I had never been one to skip school , if I didn 't want to be there I just generally called my mom and made up a fake ailment so I could go home . Usually it worked . This day however , I just did not want to go to school . It was a nice day and I just could not see myself cooped up in a classroom . I was gonna skip . Now , my only problem was I had to drop off my brother and the exchange student who lived with us . I swore them to secrecy upon punishment to death on the way to school and then weaved my way past the barriers into the Senior Parking Lot and dropped them off . Then I turned up the music as loud as it would go in my dad 's big red van and high tailed it out of the parking lot as fast as I could . I didn 't even notice the van jostle to the side a bit . When I got to my friends house ( yeah she had skipped school as well but she didn 't even make the effort to leave the house because he mom left for work at the butt crack of dawn and was already gone by the time she woke up ) , I got out of the car and for some reason walked to the passenger side . THEN I saw it . A HUGE dent that pretty much crushed in the enKat Apparently my Wordless Wed post isn 't showing up in some peoples dashboards . So it is up , just so you know . Blogger , get your act together ! Strap yourselves in , we 're in for a bumpy ride . It is Tuesday * cue dramatic music * and you guys know what that means * Big Echoey Voice * time for Tuesday Random Thoughts ! You guys can thank Keely the UnMom for this , my lovely bit of neurosis for the week . Now , lets get started . On Monday my husband and I decided that they need to enact a DVLA ( British DMV ) close to the bases for stupid Americans ( us ) who are trying to renew their road tax . Yes , I know we can go renew at the post office , but not if the guy you bought the car from didn 't do the paperwork correctly . Now we can 't get our road tax disk for the next 2 - 4 weeks . Awesome . As I was going to bed last night LaLa woke up and I thought she was having an asthma attack . She was doing this really croupy cough . It sounded like she was having a hard time to breath so I stuck her in the car and was going to take her to the ER on base . By the time we got there she had calmed down and quit with the cough . I decided to skip the ER and keep her home today . Today she is perfectly fine . She should have gone to school . My mom sent me a bunch of pictures from my Granny 's surprise birthday party . Four of my Gran 's five sisters came down from North Carolina and hid at my Aunts house . My Mom tricked my Gran into thinking they were going to pick up my Aunt and go antique hunting . When they got there my Gran 's sisters surprised her . Needless to say they did not go antiquing , they became the ladies who lunch and then go site seeing in Charleston , SC . Mom said Gran was stunned speechless , and that NEVER happens . Gran said it was one of her best birthdays ever . Yesterday I witnessed the best melt down by a 5 year old E . V . E . R . I would tell you more , but it is going to be my guest post for Mama Dawg , while she is down at Disney . I got Twitter back . It is like crack . I just don 't sit on it as much as before . My kids are walking around in costumes from Halloweens past . KiKi is in a bee costume . LaLa is in a unicorn costume . These costumes were originally LaLas costumes from when she was a yPosted by KiKi whilst in the back seat of the car on the way to the indoor swimming pool - " You guys drive me crazy ! " A man and a lady shopping at the commissary - Her - I nead one head of lettuce to shred for tacos and one bag of lettuce for salads . " Him obviously confused walked over to the heads of lettuce and picked up one " So one of these ? " Her - " Yes , do you understand what I am talking about ? " Walks off without an answerHim turning around towards the head of lettuce and half under his breath " Nope " Poor chunky kid at the swimming pool . . . in a speedo . He couldn 't get onto the inflatable obstacle course and none of the other children would help him up . I was changing KiKi 's diaper on Thursday night and she was lying down and I was leaning over her with my butt kinda up in the air . Well LaLa decided to kick my butt . Only she didn 't kick me in the butt . " Hey , Mom , I 'm kicking your butt ! ! " " Ummm , that isn 't exactly my butt ! " She kicked me in the va - jay - jay three times . Yesterday , due to all the questions I received about what mums in England wear to drop their kids off to school , I wrote this post for the other blog I write for , Expat Mums Blog . So if you want to know the differences in appearance between American moms and British mums , head over there and read ! Go . Now . Please . That is all . I don 't have a place to place my mind junk . HA ! That is why I have a blog ! So here is some of my mind junk and no this is not a random tuesday post because it is all related to what I would have twittered about this week . I am going to write these all in twitter fashion as well . . . less than 140 characters ( give or take ) . - I dare you to find an English mum dropping her kids off in jeans , t - shirt and trainers . It doesn 't happen . - It is finally raining in England . Who thought I would EVER say that ? - On a mission to rescue my garden . I think I might have saved the pansies . ( as in the type flowers ) ( not calling my garden a pansie ) ( cause that would just be mean ! ) ( it is more of a sissy anyway ) ( yes I know sissy isn 't a PC term ) - I am rearranging furniture . See what happens when I don 't have twitter ! - My sister in law is gonna have a baby ! ! ! ! ! ! - Moved my desk into the living room . Behind the love seat . Not sure if I like it or not . - Who wants to do my laundry ? Any volunteers ? Anyone ? See ! I don 't miss twitter at all . Posted by This was me yesterday . After cleaning the house from top to bottom ( including mopping the kitchen and scrubbing toilets . . . well the toilets that haven 't been shattered by my terrorist cat ) I told LaLa " Do NOT make a mess ! " The first thing she did when she got home was ask for a snack , then she proceeded to throw the wrapper on the floor . I burst into tears . Irrational ? Probably . Conversation from last night while I was trying to get LaLa in bed : Me - Hey kid , time for bed . LaLa - I don 't want to go to bed . Me - Don 't you want to go to school ? Her - umm yes . I mean no ! Me - It was a rhetorical question , get your PJ 's on . Her - What is rhetorical ? Me - It means it doesn 't matter what your answer was , you 're still going to bed . Motherly teaching at it 's finest I tell you ! ! I just had a cheesey chicken burrito for breakfast . Don 't judge me people . Posted by Ahhhhhhh Tuesday . The day I get to mind dump upon the interwebz . My little slice of crazy set forth upon you , my loyal reader . You can thank Keely for this . We had a stomach virus at the Bungalow the past few days . LaLa got it Saturday night , which shot my Mother 's Day . Then KiKi and The Man came down with it on Monday , which shot my anniversary . Such is life . It is kinda funny when a kid pukes on their father . Not because the kid puked because that is just sad , but the look on the dad - priceless . A two year old is incapable of letting you know before they toss cookies . The best warning I got was a little cough before the storm . A five year old will milk a tummy ache for days if you will let them . Even when you know they are not sick anymore they will try to pull the pity card . A 29 year old man is worse than a two year old when he is sick . He wants to make sure everyone in the house knows he is sick . I swear if I get sick now I am gonna make sure everyone knows it and babies me . Oh wait nevermind , Moms don 't get sick days . Twitter is a time suck . I got rid of it . I kinda miss it , but not enough to sign up for it again . It is almost time for LaLa to get out of school for her week long half term break . I need to think of something fun for us girls to do while she is out of school for that week . Any suggestions are welcome . I have decided that gardening is for people who don 't have kids . Or if they do have kids it is for people who 's kids like to help them in the garden . If their kids don 't like to help with the garden than they must have a spouse who likes to help them garden . I have decided this because most of the plants I planted earlier in the spring have died . It might be because I didn 't water them enough . Either that or they have some sort of zombie virus . I am putting my money on the zombie virus , cause surely my gardening skills are unquestionable . Donkey with his head stuck . ( Don 't worry he got it back out after about 5 min of struggle ) Seven years ago I donned a white gown and walked down the aisle at St . Luke 's Chapel ( on the Medical University of South Carolina 's campus ) and married The Man . I was twenty one years old and I had no idea of where this one act would take me . I just knew I was in love and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with The Man . Looking back now , I wouldn 't change a thing . So on my anniversary here is a list of things my marriage has had in store for me . Starting from the beginning - - One big fat huge wedding . - One night at the Folly Beach Holiday Inn ( where every room has a beach front view ) - One honeymoon to the Bahamas - One military enlistment . - One transcontinental flight - Two beautiful children - Three states to be lived in ( SC , TX , MO ) - Two countries to be lived in ( USA , UK ) - 10 , 000 disagreements - 10 , 000 make ups - 500 , 000 inside jokes - 1 , 000 , 0000 laughsand more love than I could even try to quantify . Happy Anniversary to The Man . May the next seven years have just as many laughs , inside jokes and love . I love you ( even if sometimes I am a pain in the ass and don 't show it ) . I know PR people have a hard time with their job . They have to search out places to place their ads and don 't have a lot of time to do it . That being said , listen up PR people , if you have not READ my site , don 't pretend you have and send me requests to place ads here . One of the first rules of marketing is to know your intended audience . If you have not read my site , how would you know if your product is right for here ? Actually if you have looked at my site for more than two seconds you would see that I have a marked absence of ads on my site . I don 't even have AdSense for goodness sake . I feel no need to junk up my side bar for seventeen cents and a stick of gum . Second of all my audience isn 't just the people who comment here . My grandmother reads this site , as do two of my aunts , my 16 year old male cousin and my mother 's entire office ( Hi , Dr . P ! ) Now , really , some of the ads that have been requested of me to put up on my site are just not family friendly . Others are for sites that are just pure crap ( seriously one was for a web design site and seriously I could have designed their website better than they did ) . Some emails I have received didn 't even say what the product was ( yeah , cause I am just going to blindly agree ) . I also will not do solicited reviews . I know that there is money to be made here ( or at least a product to be had ) , but I don 't feel that if I have been given money or the actual product that I could be unbiased . If I didn 't like the product I would be feel compelled to lie or stretch the truth in favor of the product . I think my readers deserve more than that . I have in the past done reviews of products , but they were completely unsolicited . I didn 't receive anything in return ( hell , I don 't even know if the companies know I exist ) . I did one for Sol - U - Mel . I have a link at the bottom of my page for Badass Designs ( owned by Badass Geek ) , who designed my site . I love Mama Dawg 's etsy shop ( for all your jewelry and lanyard needs ) . I also won a beautiful photograph from my buddy Michelle , whoPosted by It is spring in England , or well I am told that it is spring . The flowers are blooming . I guess that means it is spring . We get some nice days where the sun in shining and it is a nice 70 degrees F outside . For the past couple days it has been dreary . OK the sun did come out for a bit yesterday but the wind outside made it so chilly that I didn 't want to spend much time outside . I let the girls play for about an hour then I had to go inside . It was just too cold . I have noticed however that temperature is relative . What is freezing to me is balmy to the English . An example of this : Last week when we were having lovely weather , not hot , not cold , just pleasant , I had an English friend of mine complain about how hot it was . It was maybe 70 degrees . Now to me , hot it 95 degrees in the shade and it being so hot that your eyelids are sweating . Oh you didn 't know that your eyelids can sweat ? Well they can . Live in the deep south of the US and you will experience it more than once . Actually you might experience it every single day in August . The English friend then commented about how his nephew and him had gone swimming in their backyard pool over the weekend . Swimming ? It isn 't hot enough for swimming ! You go swimming when it is so hot that your skin is about to boil off . If you go swimming now you will catch a chill ! My perception , yet again . I however have been informed that it does not get " hot " here and there is little chance that my skin will boil off and my eyelids will certainly not sweat . * If you have facebook you can join Elizabeths fan club . I have a link in my sidebar . * * He Blogs She Blogs is about to start again . Captain Dumbass and Petra will answer all questions about relationships in their signature style at their new site . Posted by We had a long weekend here in England and it started out with a bang . On Saturday , my friend NFAH came to visit me here at the Bungalow . Well I went and picked her up from her home base about 30 min away and then we came back to my neck of the woods for a great day . We went shopping , ate pizza , played with the girls and the animals , then sat up until the wee hours of the morning drinking a couple of beers and talking like 14 year old school girls . It was an amazing day and I had a ton of fun hanging out with a fellow expat from America . I also now have a new IRL friend instead of someone who lives inside my computer . So hard to explain bloggy friends to others who " don 't get it " sometimes . On Sunday morning I took NFAH back to her house and then came home to prepare for the arrival of The Man . He has been gone for the past two weeks . There was some sort of military type thing going on in Romania and he was gone to take part in it . NOW you guys know why I have been so discombobulated . A two week TDY ( temp duty ) is a lot harder for me than a long deployment because I don 't get a chance to settle into a rhythm . Sometimes I do a lot better when he is gone for months because I have time to establish a routine and get the girls on the same page as me . When he is only gone for a short period of time , my house falls into controlled semi organized chaos . The Man arrived back at the base around 11pm and I gathered the girls out of their slumber to go pick him up . When we got back to the house things immediately started going wrong . First , I got a mini disc stuck in my Mac , then the cat finally escaped out of the house around 1am . We looked for him for about an hour fruitlessly . Finally we headed to bed , me sick to my stomach with worry and The Man pissed off at himself for accidentally letting the cat out of the Bungalow . The next morning I went and searched for Sam again , no cat . We then ran around and did the errands that needed to be done . Caroline had the day off of school because yesterday was a Bank Holiday here in thPosted by Dear KiKi , I know we are phasing out your nap and it is a pain for you . We need to have a talk however about how you like to fall asleep on the couch exactly 3 minutes before we have to go get your sister from school . Please stop . You are a bear to deal with when you have had exactly 3 minutes of sleep before I wake you up . Love , Mommy - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Dear Lady at School , There is a time and place for 4 inch lucite heels and spandex capri pants ( with scalloped lace trimming the bottom of the leg ) and it isn 't at 8 : 45 in the morning when we are dropping the kids off at school . Regards , Kat - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Dear Repair Man , I would really like to know how much my toilet is going to cost to replace . Call Me . Kat - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Dear LaLa , Showing people your underpants isn 't funny . Seriously . Love , Mom - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Dear HP , 40 minutes on the phone to get a return address to send you a corrupted part ? If you had done your JOB and put a return address on the outside of the replacement parts box like you were supposed to I wouldn 't have had to spend 40 minutes on the phone with a lady in Mumbi . Your lucky I am a patient person . Oh wait nevermind I 'm not . I 'll just write about how much you suck at customer service on my blog . Regards , Kat - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Dear Blog Readers , Thank you so much for reading . Your comments make my day . Sorry I haven 't been around your blogs much this week but it has been really busy . I will try to get to more next week . To my new followers , welcome to the Bungalow . Big Bloggy Hugs , Kat
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My parents live on the east coast of the US . This means that they are usually 5 hours behind me , well except for when they start daylight savings time roughly two weeks before the UK and then it is only a 4 hour time difference . Anyways , I always do my best thinking around 8am - 9am . I just get these brain waves . I can 't explain it . So usually when I want to tell my parents something important that I have thought about , I can 't just call them right that minute . My mom just generally does not like phone calls between the hours of 3am - 4am . Actually she would probably kick my butt the next time she saw me if I called her at 3 in the morning . So I usually have to remember my grand idea until at least noon . Then I call my dad at work , cause my mom is still asleep . My problem is that by noon sometimes I forget my wonderful idea . Argh ! Time zones suck . Today after the girls are done cleaning their rooms , we are going to head over to the Bob Hope Center . This is a community center on one of the bases here that has an indoor play area . For those of you who are wondering " Why in the heck would they name a community center after an American actor / comedian ? " , let me enlighten you . Ok , so most of you know Memorial Day was on Monday , and no I didn 't do a post for Memorial Day , mostly because this holiday in remembrance for military members who have died while in while in service for our great nation has become just another day off . Also because I think in some small way for Americans , everyday should be Memorial Day . Even if it is just a thought about what has been sacrificed for American freedoms . Now back to Bob Hope , he was a real and true American patriot . He lived every day like it was Memorial Day . Bob Hope donated countless hours to the USO ( an organization that boosts troop moral ) . He did this out of a great love of America and because he believed in our troops . He started his work with the USO in 1941 and continued his work with the organization for 60 years . He headlined shows to entertain troops , often risking his life by going into war zones . Now , to me , this is going above and beyond for our troops . And while I can 't thank him personally because he died in 2003 , I would like to say thank you now . Thank you Mr . Hope for your service to my country , to the troops who defend my nation and for your great sense of humor . You really were a national treasure . So today I will take my kids to the Community Center that was named for a man who was born a British citizen , emigrated to America when he was five years old , and became an American citizen when he was seventeen . I will think about the troops he entertained and the sacrifices they made . I will also be glad that Mr . Hope not only entertained the troops , but the community center named after him can continue his work and entertain my children and the other children of troops stationed abroad . Tuesday Random Thoughts : My way to release the crazy stored up in my head from the past week . Enjoy , the go see Keely , grab the button and release your own crazy upon the intenetz . My landlord 's agent came by on Wed to look that the broke toilet ( it still isn 't fixed ) and while she was here LaLa just had to show the lady her bedroom . As we were going down the hall I swore I smelled dog poop . Let 's get this straight people , my dog has pooped in my house ONCE and it was my fault for not letting her out the night before . I was completely befuddled . I played it cool and pretended that the smell did not exist and when the lady left I went running around the back of my house looking for poop . I couldn 't find any poop . Then I went in the bathroom and saw tell tale skid marks in the toilet . " LaLa did you poop a minute ago ? " " Yeah ! ! ! " God , I hope that woman didn 't smell my child 's stankness . And so it begins . . . my daughter says the last letter of the alphabet is zed . Ok , so usually I change KiKi 's diaper right after her nap , but I fell asleep with her too yesterday and usually she wakes me up if I do this , but she didn 't . So , when I got up and went into the living room to chill out with The Man , I didn 't even think about her diaper cause she usually tells me about it ( I know I should be working on potty training , but I don 't really know if she is ready ) . So , then she comes into the living room in nothing but her diaper ( it is hot in our house and we have no AC ) spreads her legs slightly and starts shaking her butt back and forth with her pee heavy diaper swinging back and forth like a pendulum and declares " I got pee ! " The Man looks and me and we both start laughing and this makes her do it even more . By the time The Man had her diaper changed we were laughing so hard that we had tears streaming down our faces . Everytime I hear Susan Boyle ( from Britain 's Got Talent ) sing it makes me cry . She has the voice of an angel . My kids are a completely crap sleep schedule now that it is half term break . Past 10pm and not in bed . Yes , Posted by On Wednesday I received an award that really knocked my socks off . It was from The Laughing Idiot on her gardening blog . When I went to retrieve it I was so honored and humbled . See , a lot of awards ask you to pick your favorite bloggers , or interesting blogs , etc . This award was different though . The description was this : " These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends . They are not interested in self - aggrandizement . Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut , even more friendships are propagated . Please give more attention to these writers . " And by this description I am truly humbled . I decided to take the Most Wonderful Favorite award and pass it on to other bloggers who fit this description , bloggers who are aren 't just funny and a good read , but bloggers who are in fact people who I would call my friends . 1 . The first blogger I am choosing has been my partner in crime since the beginning of this blog . You guys know him as Captain Dumbass . He and I share a weird sense of humor and our IM conversations ( be glad I don 't save them Captain ) could make Random Tuesday Thoughts posts look like sane and organized well thought out posts . I love hearing about his life with Supreme Leader and his gorgeous little boys Connor and Liam . One of these days the boys are gonna come to my house and we are going to climb the trees in my back yard and watch the planes across the street . 2 . One of my bloggy friends has now become an " in real life " friend . Not From Around Here is a fellow American Expat living over here in England . She and I met in real life a few weeks ago and have been like peas and carrots ever since . She is in one word awesome . We share the same love for so many things from Russian Literature , Sex and the City , Gone with the Wind , and so much more . We are just cut from the same cloth . I wish we could see each other everyday but because of her work schedule and my husband 's travel schedule getting together for a face to face chat is sometimes difficult . 3 . Mama Dawg is not only a great blogger , she iPosted by Ok , actually this just might be another chance for all of you guys to have a laugh at my expense . I may surprise all of you to know I was not an angel in high school . I did not come home on time , I did really stupid things like drinking beer underage , dating really questionable boys and lying to my mother . I never did homework at home ( cause duh that is what the other class periods were for ) . I know all of this is shattering your dreams of me . I did however maintain really good grades , which saved my butt more than once in a pinch ( because she 's a good kid , never in trouble at school ) . Anyhoo out of all the stupid things I did , this is by FAR the stupidest thing I EVER did . No amount of good grades or teen aged smooth talking was gonna get me out of this one . I guess I should start at the beginning for this doozy of a stunt . See I was a senior in high school , it was 1999 and I thought I was in - freakin - vincible . Now , I had never been one to skip school , if I didn 't want to be there I just generally called my mom and made up a fake ailment so I could go home . Usually it worked . This day however , I just did not want to go to school . It was a nice day and I just could not see myself cooped up in a classroom . I was gonna skip . Now , my only problem was I had to drop off my brother and the exchange student who lived with us . I swore them to secrecy upon punishment to death on the way to school and then weaved my way past the barriers into the Senior Parking Lot and dropped them off . Then I turned up the music as loud as it would go in my dad 's big red van and high tailed it out of the parking lot as fast as I could . I didn 't even notice the van jostle to the side a bit . When I got to my friends house ( yeah she had skipped school as well but she didn 't even make the effort to leave the house because he mom left for work at the butt crack of dawn and was already gone by the time she woke up ) , I got out of the car and for some reason walked to the passenger side . THEN I saw it . A HUGE dent that pretty much crushed in the enKat Apparently my Wordless Wed post isn 't showing up in some peoples dashboards . So it is up , just so you know . Blogger , get your act together ! Strap yourselves in , we 're in for a bumpy ride . It is Tuesday * cue dramatic music * and you guys know what that means * Big Echoey Voice * time for Tuesday Random Thoughts ! You guys can thank Keely the UnMom for this , my lovely bit of neurosis for the week . Now , lets get started . On Monday my husband and I decided that they need to enact a DVLA ( British DMV ) close to the bases for stupid Americans ( us ) who are trying to renew their road tax . Yes , I know we can go renew at the post office , but not if the guy you bought the car from didn 't do the paperwork correctly . Now we can 't get our road tax disk for the next 2 - 4 weeks . Awesome . As I was going to bed last night LaLa woke up and I thought she was having an asthma attack . She was doing this really croupy cough . It sounded like she was having a hard time to breath so I stuck her in the car and was going to take her to the ER on base . By the time we got there she had calmed down and quit with the cough . I decided to skip the ER and keep her home today . Today she is perfectly fine . She should have gone to school . My mom sent me a bunch of pictures from my Granny 's surprise birthday party . Four of my Gran 's five sisters came down from North Carolina and hid at my Aunts house . My Mom tricked my Gran into thinking they were going to pick up my Aunt and go antique hunting . When they got there my Gran 's sisters surprised her . Needless to say they did not go antiquing , they became the ladies who lunch and then go site seeing in Charleston , SC . Mom said Gran was stunned speechless , and that NEVER happens . Gran said it was one of her best birthdays ever . Yesterday I witnessed the best melt down by a 5 year old E . V . E . R . I would tell you more , but it is going to be my guest post for Mama Dawg , while she is down at Disney . I got Twitter back . It is like crack . I just don 't sit on it as much as before . My kids are walking around in costumes from Halloweens past . KiKi is in a bee costume . LaLa is in a unicorn costume . These costumes were originally LaLas costumes from when she was a yPosted by KiKi whilst in the back seat of the car on the way to the indoor swimming pool - " You guys drive me crazy ! " A man and a lady shopping at the commissary - Her - I nead one head of lettuce to shred for tacos and one bag of lettuce for salads . " Him obviously confused walked over to the heads of lettuce and picked up one " So one of these ? " Her - " Yes , do you understand what I am talking about ? " Walks off without an answerHim turning around towards the head of lettuce and half under his breath " Nope " Poor chunky kid at the swimming pool . . . in a speedo . He couldn 't get onto the inflatable obstacle course and none of the other children would help him up . I was changing KiKi 's diaper on Thursday night and she was lying down and I was leaning over her with my butt kinda up in the air . Well LaLa decided to kick my butt . Only she didn 't kick me in the butt . " Hey , Mom , I 'm kicking your butt ! ! " " Ummm , that isn 't exactly my butt ! " She kicked me in the va - jay - jay three times . Yesterday , due to all the questions I received about what mums in England wear to drop their kids off to school , I wrote this post for the other blog I write for , Expat Mums Blog . So if you want to know the differences in appearance between American moms and British mums , head over there and read ! Go . Now . Please . That is all . I don 't have a place to place my mind junk . HA ! That is why I have a blog ! So here is some of my mind junk and no this is not a random tuesday post because it is all related to what I would have twittered about this week . I am going to write these all in twitter fashion as well . . . less than 140 characters ( give or take ) . - I dare you to find an English mum dropping her kids off in jeans , t - shirt and trainers . It doesn 't happen . - It is finally raining in England . Who thought I would EVER say that ? - On a mission to rescue my garden . I think I might have saved the pansies . ( as in the type flowers ) ( not calling my garden a pansie ) ( cause that would just be mean ! ) ( it is more of a sissy anyway ) ( yes I know sissy isn 't a PC term ) - I am rearranging furniture . See what happens when I don 't have twitter ! - My sister in law is gonna have a baby ! ! ! ! ! ! - Moved my desk into the living room . Behind the love seat . Not sure if I like it or not . - Who wants to do my laundry ? Any volunteers ? Anyone ? See ! I don 't miss twitter at all . Posted by This was me yesterday . After cleaning the house from top to bottom ( including mopping the kitchen and scrubbing toilets . . . well the toilets that haven 't been shattered by my terrorist cat ) I told LaLa " Do NOT make a mess ! " The first thing she did when she got home was ask for a snack , then she proceeded to throw the wrapper on the floor . I burst into tears . Irrational ? Probably . Conversation from last night while I was trying to get LaLa in bed : Me - Hey kid , time for bed . LaLa - I don 't want to go to bed . Me - Don 't you want to go to school ? Her - umm yes . I mean no ! Me - It was a rhetorical question , get your PJ 's on . Her - What is rhetorical ? Me - It means it doesn 't matter what your answer was , you 're still going to bed . Motherly teaching at it 's finest I tell you ! ! I just had a cheesey chicken burrito for breakfast . Don 't judge me people . Posted by Ahhhhhhh Tuesday . The day I get to mind dump upon the interwebz . My little slice of crazy set forth upon you , my loyal reader . You can thank Keely for this . We had a stomach virus at the Bungalow the past few days . LaLa got it Saturday night , which shot my Mother 's Day . Then KiKi and The Man came down with it on Monday , which shot my anniversary . Such is life . It is kinda funny when a kid pukes on their father . Not because the kid puked because that is just sad , but the look on the dad - priceless . A two year old is incapable of letting you know before they toss cookies . The best warning I got was a little cough before the storm . A five year old will milk a tummy ache for days if you will let them . Even when you know they are not sick anymore they will try to pull the pity card . A 29 year old man is worse than a two year old when he is sick . He wants to make sure everyone in the house knows he is sick . I swear if I get sick now I am gonna make sure everyone knows it and babies me . Oh wait nevermind , Moms don 't get sick days . Twitter is a time suck . I got rid of it . I kinda miss it , but not enough to sign up for it again . It is almost time for LaLa to get out of school for her week long half term break . I need to think of something fun for us girls to do while she is out of school for that week . Any suggestions are welcome . I have decided that gardening is for people who don 't have kids . Or if they do have kids it is for people who 's kids like to help them in the garden . If their kids don 't like to help with the garden than they must have a spouse who likes to help them garden . I have decided this because most of the plants I planted earlier in the spring have died . It might be because I didn 't water them enough . Either that or they have some sort of zombie virus . I am putting my money on the zombie virus , cause surely my gardening skills are unquestionable . Donkey with his head stuck . ( Don 't worry he got it back out after about 5 min of struggle ) Seven years ago I donned a white gown and walked down the aisle at St . Luke 's Chapel ( on the Medical University of South Carolina 's campus ) and married The Man . I was twenty one years old and I had no idea of where this one act would take me . I just knew I was in love and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with The Man . Looking back now , I wouldn 't change a thing . So on my anniversary here is a list of things my marriage has had in store for me . Starting from the beginning - - One big fat huge wedding . - One night at the Folly Beach Holiday Inn ( where every room has a beach front view ) - One honeymoon to the Bahamas - One military enlistment . - One transcontinental flight - Two beautiful children - Three states to be lived in ( SC , TX , MO ) - Two countries to be lived in ( USA , UK ) - 10 , 000 disagreements - 10 , 000 make ups - 500 , 000 inside jokes - 1 , 000 , 0000 laughsand more love than I could even try to quantify . Happy Anniversary to The Man . May the next seven years have just as many laughs , inside jokes and love . I love you ( even if sometimes I am a pain in the ass and don 't show it ) . I know PR people have a hard time with their job . They have to search out places to place their ads and don 't have a lot of time to do it . That being said , listen up PR people , if you have not READ my site , don 't pretend you have and send me requests to place ads here . One of the first rules of marketing is to know your intended audience . If you have not read my site , how would you know if your product is right for here ? Actually if you have looked at my site for more than two seconds you would see that I have a marked absence of ads on my site . I don 't even have AdSense for goodness sake . I feel no need to junk up my side bar for seventeen cents and a stick of gum . Second of all my audience isn 't just the people who comment here . My grandmother reads this site , as do two of my aunts , my 16 year old male cousin and my mother 's entire office ( Hi , Dr . P ! ) Now , really , some of the ads that have been requested of me to put up on my site are just not family friendly . Others are for sites that are just pure crap ( seriously one was for a web design site and seriously I could have designed their website better than they did ) . Some emails I have received didn 't even say what the product was ( yeah , cause I am just going to blindly agree ) . I also will not do solicited reviews . I know that there is money to be made here ( or at least a product to be had ) , but I don 't feel that if I have been given money or the actual product that I could be unbiased . If I didn 't like the product I would be feel compelled to lie or stretch the truth in favor of the product . I think my readers deserve more than that . I have in the past done reviews of products , but they were completely unsolicited . I didn 't receive anything in return ( hell , I don 't even know if the companies know I exist ) . I did one for Sol - U - Mel . I have a link at the bottom of my page for Badass Designs ( owned by Badass Geek ) , who designed my site . I love Mama Dawg 's etsy shop ( for all your jewelry and lanyard needs ) . I also won a beautiful photograph from my buddy Michelle , whoPosted by It is spring in England , or well I am told that it is spring . The flowers are blooming . I guess that means it is spring . We get some nice days where the sun in shining and it is a nice 70 degrees F outside . For the past couple days it has been dreary . OK the sun did come out for a bit yesterday but the wind outside made it so chilly that I didn 't want to spend much time outside . I let the girls play for about an hour then I had to go inside . It was just too cold . I have noticed however that temperature is relative . What is freezing to me is balmy to the English . An example of this : Last week when we were having lovely weather , not hot , not cold , just pleasant , I had an English friend of mine complain about how hot it was . It was maybe 70 degrees . Now to me , hot it 95 degrees in the shade and it being so hot that your eyelids are sweating . Oh you didn 't know that your eyelids can sweat ? Well they can . Live in the deep south of the US and you will experience it more than once . Actually you might experience it every single day in August . The English friend then commented about how his nephew and him had gone swimming in their backyard pool over the weekend . Swimming ? It isn 't hot enough for swimming ! You go swimming when it is so hot that your skin is about to boil off . If you go swimming now you will catch a chill ! My perception , yet again . I however have been informed that it does not get " hot " here and there is little chance that my skin will boil off and my eyelids will certainly not sweat . * If you have facebook you can join Elizabeths fan club . I have a link in my sidebar . * * He Blogs She Blogs is about to start again . Captain Dumbass and Petra will answer all questions about relationships in their signature style at their new site . Posted by We had a long weekend here in England and it started out with a bang . On Saturday , my friend NFAH came to visit me here at the Bungalow . Well I went and picked her up from her home base about 30 min away and then we came back to my neck of the woods for a great day . We went shopping , ate pizza , played with the girls and the animals , then sat up until the wee hours of the morning drinking a couple of beers and talking like 14 year old school girls . It was an amazing day and I had a ton of fun hanging out with a fellow expat from America . I also now have a new IRL friend instead of someone who lives inside my computer . So hard to explain bloggy friends to others who " don 't get it " sometimes . On Sunday morning I took NFAH back to her house and then came home to prepare for the arrival of The Man . He has been gone for the past two weeks . There was some sort of military type thing going on in Romania and he was gone to take part in it . NOW you guys know why I have been so discombobulated . A two week TDY ( temp duty ) is a lot harder for me than a long deployment because I don 't get a chance to settle into a rhythm . Sometimes I do a lot better when he is gone for months because I have time to establish a routine and get the girls on the same page as me . When he is only gone for a short period of time , my house falls into controlled semi organized chaos . The Man arrived back at the base around 11pm and I gathered the girls out of their slumber to go pick him up . When we got back to the house things immediately started going wrong . First , I got a mini disc stuck in my Mac , then the cat finally escaped out of the house around 1am . We looked for him for about an hour fruitlessly . Finally we headed to bed , me sick to my stomach with worry and The Man pissed off at himself for accidentally letting the cat out of the Bungalow . The next morning I went and searched for Sam again , no cat . We then ran around and did the errands that needed to be done . Caroline had the day off of school because yesterday was a Bank Holiday here in thPosted by Dear KiKi , I know we are phasing out your nap and it is a pain for you . We need to have a talk however about how you like to fall asleep on the couch exactly 3 minutes before we have to go get your sister from school . Please stop . You are a bear to deal with when you have had exactly 3 minutes of sleep before I wake you up . Love , Mommy - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Dear Lady at School , There is a time and place for 4 inch lucite heels and spandex capri pants ( with scalloped lace trimming the bottom of the leg ) and it isn 't at 8 : 45 in the morning when we are dropping the kids off at school . Regards , Kat - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Dear Repair Man , I would really like to know how much my toilet is going to cost to replace . Call Me . Kat - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Dear LaLa , Showing people your underpants isn 't funny . Seriously . Love , Mom - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Dear HP , 40 minutes on the phone to get a return address to send you a corrupted part ? If you had done your JOB and put a return address on the outside of the replacement parts box like you were supposed to I wouldn 't have had to spend 40 minutes on the phone with a lady in Mumbi . Your lucky I am a patient person . Oh wait nevermind I 'm not . I 'll just write about how much you suck at customer service on my blog . Regards , Kat - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Dear Blog Readers , Thank you so much for reading . Your comments make my day . Sorry I haven 't been around your blogs much this week but it has been really busy . I will try to get to more next week . To my new followers , welcome to the Bungalow . Big Bloggy Hugs , Kat
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You know , I never realized this until I did some house - sitting for a lady in my church , but I am a cat person . I always liked cats and dogs and have owned and loved them most of my life , but after spending the night with a couple dogs for two weeks , I realized where my true devotion lies . Don 't get me wrong , I have a Welsh Corgi , Zoe , and I love watching her kick a ball around with her nose or eating a block of ice on a winter day . But when it comes down to the animal I 'd rather have at my side for comfort , I choose a cat . Dogs can be so active and dependable . Zoe will keep running that ball back to me as long as I 'm still there kicking it for her , or she 'll even kick it around the yard herself to show off . Sometimes that dependability is a good thing , but sometimes they just get in the way , like my mom 's poodle . That dog will get right up under your feet and then have the indecency to yip when you step on her . One of the dogs I took care of would start to bark at me if my attention went somewhere else for too long ; she was not going to let me ignore her . Dogs tend to do that a lot , they whine or bark or howl , even within minutes of being left alone . Now cats , on the other hand , are much more independent . They don 't expect you to give them constant attention and may even get angry with you if you give them too much . I 'm not really a touchy , feely person , so I don 't really care to sit and pet the animals for too long . I just enjoy the presence of their company . Lollicat Cats can also be a great source of entertainment with their quirky ways . My cat does some pretty strange things . Sometimes , in the morning , she just zooms through the house . If I walk into my room , she gets startled or something and speeds out the door . I 'll find her on the couch and try to approach her , and whoosh , there she goes again , back to my room . She also tends to disappear at times . We 'll look everywhere twice , and all of a sudden she 'll just show up in the kitchen out of nowhere . One time , she was watching a moth in the bathroom very intently . I guess she really wanted to get a hold of that moth because all of a sudden she literally jumped about 3 feet and grabbed hold of the trim on the wall . She just hung there on the wall by her front claws for about 30 seconds , it was quite a sight to see . My cat also likes to sleep in many different positions , but her two favorite seem to be lollicat , like in the picture , and the disappearing limbs position , where all her legs and tail are tucked up under her . Her tail seems to have a mind of its own , so she usually has a paw resting on top of it to keep it still . I 've heard stories of others who have cats with strange behaviors . My coworker has a big cat that loves to eat marshmallows . I heard about someone who hung his Christmas tree from the ceiling so his Siamese cats couldn 't get to it . One of my favorite stories was from my mentor teacher during my first year of teaching . She said she had just got home from shopping and opened up her trunk to unload groceries . She came back to grab a second load , and found one of her bags split open , with a giant chunk missing from her loaf of bread , and her cat sitting next to it in the trunk . She swears that cat gave her a look of defiance as if it was her fault for not bringing home any treats . Cats can be comforting , too . Not my cat , she bites if you pet her anywhere but on her neck . But , my family 's new kitten likes to snuggle up . He just plops right in your lap , almost like a dog , but without the panting and licking . I had a cat in Arizona who was very sweet . She would rub up against me and purr if I was crying , or even when I made a sound like crying . She knew how to make me feel better . For all you dog - lovers , I know dogs can be comforting , too . I do have some great stories of some lovable and very smart dogs ; I guess I 'll just have to do another blog about dogs sometime . But , for now , I 'll stick with the kitties : ) I know this entry is already pretty long , but I thought you might enjoy this Christmas poem that my brother wrote . ( By the way , if you would like me to include any writings in my blog , you are welcome to send me a message , or you can add your own thoughts in the comments on here or facebook . It might be fun to share and interact with other people 's writings . ) Anyway , here 's the poem : This has been on my mind since my church 's ladies ' retreat back in September . The theme was " A Legacy to Remember " and each of us was asked to name someone who left a legacy in our lives . Almost half of the women present , myself included , named our grandmothers . With Christmas just around the corner , I can think of no better time to celebrate the life of my mother 's mom and remember all those childhood Christmases I spent at Grandma 's house . I was only 12 years old when she died , so I was too young to notice some of her character traits . But , looking back , I can see some of those qualities that make me wish I still had her here today . Louise Swoboda was a devoted wife . Granddaddy had a stroke before I was born , and it got to the point that Grandma could not handle taking care of him by herself , so she put him in a nursing home . Whenever I came to stay a few weeks over the summer with Grandma , she would go to the nursing home to visit Granddaddy at lunchtime , every single day . I would sit in the floor and play with Polly Pockets or explore the corridors with the nurses . Sometimes she would bake cookies for him and his roommate . I remember one time that my cousin , Susan , and I got into an argument over who would give the cookies to Granddaddy and who got stuck with the stranger . When it came to Thanksgiving or Christmas , Grandma would take Granddaddy home to celebrate with the family . I remember he slept in his old chair most of the day , but now I know that those were probably some of their favorite days , spending time at home together . Granddaddy died in July of 1996 , and Grandma died a few months later . She was so devoted to her husband that she didn 't want to live without him . Louise Swoboda cared about people . She was very giving , not only with gifts , but with her time . I got an extra aunt because my Grandma took her in as an " adopted " daughter . Mary loved Grandma as her own mother because of the care and time that she gave Mary 's family . I have almost as many memories with my " adopted " aunt as I do with my real aunt . I asked my mom about my grandma , and I found out Mary wasn 't the first . Grandma had a heart for teens and young women . She would invite them in her home and provide them with a meal and Godly counsel . I remember getting to know the small town of Globe , Arizona pretty well . Whenever I stayed with her , she would always be visiting someone . She liked to play dominoes with some ladies her age , she visited the homes of her pastor and his wife and their grown children , and she would even visit with and get to know some of the other residents in the nursing home . At home , she kept herself busy with phone calls , writing letters , baking , and caring for grandchildren . And she didn 't keep these traits to herself ; she passed them on to those she came in contact with . She taught me and Susan how to decorate Christmas cookies , and more importantly , how to share with others and that giving is much better than receiving . Louise Swoboda was a faithful servant , and her life is an example of her love for others . She was truly the matriarch who held our family together . Maybe she didn 't do everything perfect , but her love for God allowed her to become a great woman , at least in the eyes of those whose lives she touched . This will be my 15th Christmas without her , but I hope that her legacy will live on in my life . With love to Grandma Louise ( Ryan ) Swoboda , you are and shall continue to be greatly missed . One day we will meet again in Heaven . Thanks for the treasured memories here on Earth . What better time to be reminded of thankfulness than right around Thanksgiving ? I started reading a new book at the end of October . It 's called " Preparing to be a Help Meet . " It was supposed to give me tips about attracting men … no , not really , it was about how single woman can serve God and prepare themselves to become wives someday . What I wasn 't ready for was the chapter on gratefulness I read a couple weeks ago . Since it is November , of course I was already surrounded by messages of being thankful for what I have and the blessings God gives . But that chapter pointed something out in way that finally got my full attention . I realized that just stating what you 're thankful for is not true gratefulness . True gratefulness involves taking in all the blessings God has given and thanking Him for what He has done . A few days after reading that , my pastor preached on Thanksgiving . He repeated a phrase he has used before , but I never really took it to heart until then . He basically said that if God never blessed you with anything else beyond your salvation , you still have reason to give thanks to Him . Believe me , God has blessed me with so much since the day I was saved ; I probably could not count them all . After that sermon , I thought some more about the message of that chapter . It talked about negative thinking , which I had never equated to ungratefulness before . I figured my negative thoughts were just triggered by depression and the way I was raised . I blamed my family ; they were usually pessimistic , so naturally , I would be too . I blamed my circumstances . It seemed everyone in my life was moving on , getting married , having kids , finding fulfilling jobs , etc . Since nothing was happening for me , I had a right to be depressed and self - pitying , or so I thought . God has something else in mind . Instead of trying to reword the author , Debi Pearl 's words , I 'm just going to quote a section of that chapter I read : " Most women say they can 't help how they feel . This is a lie which will keep you bound to a Posted by " Be still and know that I am God . " Those words from Psalm 46 : 10 have always made an impact in my life , and most of the time I never realized it . I can 't remember when I first learned that verse , but it has come back to me at many of the toughest points of my life . Over the past few years , the impact of those words and their meaning has impressed itself upon me . It usually happens when I start getting worked up and worried . I over - think everything going on in my life and start asking all those " why , " " how , " and " what if " questions . I finally drive myself to a state of total confusion and frustration , and that 's when God reminds me of His Word . He said , " Be still . " Calm down , breathe , let go of those anxious thoughts . And here 's the best part : " Know that I am God . " No matter what I 'm going through , whatever is troubling me , God is there . He knows everything that is going on , and He is in control . Knowing that really does bring me back to a sense of peace and comfort . Here 's another way I look at it : I have no idea how to fly a plane . I could sit in the cockpit and mess with all the buttons and knobs , but I doubt I 'd get anywhere without a real pilot in control . Life can be the same way sometimes . It 's better to sit back and enjoy the ride instead of trying to rush to the front of the plane and fly it myself at the first sign of turbulence . I just got to trust that my pilot ( God ) knows what He 's doing and I could really crash and burn if I try to take matters into my own hands . There are times when we become overwhelmed or fed up with the circumstances we 're in and frustration and worry begin to overthrow our emotional state . If we remain in this state of imbalance , where anger or depression rules , we can end up making rash decisions , saying things we don 't mean , or worse , becoming apathetic toward God . I 've been there , and believe me , it is much better to capture these thoughts before they lead you down the road of depression and self - pity . So , with God 's help , I remind myself of the words He gave us to comfort us and bring us peace in the midst of trials . There are many verses in the Bible that talk about dealing with trials because the authors of those words had trials , fears , and worries just like us . Here are some other verses that have been particularly meaningful to me in times of trouble : * " So do not fear , for I am with you ; do not be dismayed , for I am your God . I will strengthen you and help you ; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand . " ( Isaiah 41 : 10 ) * " Trust in the Lord with all your heart , and lean not on your own understanding . In all your ways acknowledge Him , and He shall direct your paths . " ( Proverbs 3 : 5 - 6 ) * " But let him ask in faith , nothing wavering . For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed . " ( James 1 : 6 ) Over the past few weeks , I have started about 3 or 4 entries ; I just haven 't gotten around to finding a good way to end them . So , hopefully , I will get back to my original plan of posting an entry once a week . The ideas are all there , it 's just a matter of putting them into words . Don 't forget our veterans and soldiers this Thursday , November 11 ! Thank them for the sacrifices they have made and pray for their protection and strength . This morning I pulled out 54 bobby pins from my hair . I am typing this right now with the $ 30 fingernails that are really starting to get on my nerves . It 's amazing how hard everyday , simple tasks become when you have an extra bit of nail sticking out that you 're not used to . Oh , the things we go through for beauty … My brother said it quite well yesterday : " There 's a reason why vain and pain rhyme . " The things we do to make ourselves look pretty can be physically painful sometimes . My nails are still throbbing , I got burned on my scalp with a curling iron , and my feet hurt from wearing 3 - inch heels today . It 's a mental pain in the time we put into it . When I really try , which is less often than I 'd like , it takes me at least 30 minutes to dry and style my hair , 20 minutes to decide on which shirt looks best at the moment , 20 minutes to get my make - up just right , and 5 minutes to pick out some jewelry and spray on perfume … Most days I don 't bother trying … Beauty is also painful on the budget . Think about all the " unnecessary " items we buy for our personal vanity . Eye shadow , eyeliner , mascara , lip sticks , lip gloss , blush , foundation , perfume , scented lotions , curling irons , hair dryers , hair serums , hair spray , jewelry , too many pairs of shoes , wrinkle creams , zit zappers , manicures , pedicures … how many other hundreds of items am I missing ? Now , don 't get me wrong , I 'm not condemning the practice of beautifying ourselves , because I love the way I feel when I look nice . It makes me sing ( in my head ) : " I feel pretty , oh so pretty , I feel pretty and witty and gaaaaayyyyy ( happy ) … " I guess I 'm mainly complaining about all the effort and / or expense it takes to feel that way . I wish it was easier to do . The worst part is when you try to use your looks to impress a certain man in your life , ( oh , don 't look at me all shockingly , you know we all do it ; ) ) and he doesn 't even seem to take notice ( does he realize what I went through for all this ? ! ) . But , it does go beyond trying to impress someone , I like to dress up , it makes me feel more vibrant , womanly , and youthful . It does make me think of a verse , though , " Charm is deceptive , and beauty is fleeting … " It doesn 't last . All that remains of my bridesmaid updo from yesterday is some residue in the shower ( and 54 bobby pins ) . Makeup and perfumes have to be constantly replenished , and acrylic nails eventually grow out or break off ( ouch ! ! ) . Then , eventually , we all get older and start to feel less beautiful as the years go by . But wait , not all hope is lost , let 's look at the rest of Proverbs 31 : 30 : “… but , a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised . " Physical beauty may fade away with time and age , but we can always feel pretty on the inside if we allow God to make us beautiful . Now , I don 't know if everyone reading this right now has a personal relationship with Jesus Christ , and if you don 't , I would highly encourage you to develop one . I 'm speaking to myself right now when I say that time and effort spent in prayer and Bible study is worth a lot more than time spent on ourselves . So , go ahead and pamper yourselves , feel good about how you look , just don 't overdo it . Save some time to bring out your true beauty , maybe start by reading Proverbs 31 : 10 - 31 . Anyway , I hope this all makes sense ( I had a long week ) , if you have any questions , feel free to send me a message . Posted by Wow , I have already let two weeks go by without posting a new blog . They went by in such a blur , I don 't know where all the time goes … I did write a silly little poem last week , but I it was too short for a blog entry . I 'm not feeling particularly inspired at the moment . I guess my focus is still a little off , and I can 't seem to put any of my thoughts together into words . So , I thought I 'd post a couple poems I 've already written . Here 's the one from last week : Anyway , I hope next week my mind won 't be so jumbled up , and I can find my words again . Until then , pray I can find some encouraging moments to help inspire those words . By the way , it 's 10 / 10 / 10 . . . just thought I 'd point that out , it is somewhat fascinating , isn 't it ? I found myself very distracted in church this morning , and it seemed that whatever was distracting me was one out of four " f " words ( no not that " f " word ) . My mind kept wandering away to family , friends , future , or facebook . I started my drive to church thinking about my future , where my life is going , where God wants me , and when I 'll finally get married . These thoughts continued on into Sunday school . As the prayer requests were brought up , I began to drift into thoughts of my family and their needs . Then , I started to think about my friend , Shannon , and her upcoming wedding . . . which brought my thoughts back to the future and what I 'd do in planning my own wedding . I started off the worship service thinking about facebook . I wondered whose birthdays were coming up , and I thought about how I needed to send an email to my cousin who decided to delete her facebook account . Then , my mind wandered on some more with my family , friends and future . Finally , I realized how I was letting myself drift away and was not paying attention to the message being preached . What did I do with this realization ? Well , I thought of a fifth " f , " my followers on this blog . I came up with the idea for this entry and how I could put it into words . There are many other " f " words that tend to take our minds away or use up our free time ( don 't worry , I thought of these after church ) : food , fun , failures , feelings , fantasies , fads , functions , Farmville … the list could go on and on and this is just one letter ! Now it is kind of funny how I 'm writing about how distracted I was , and even most of this very writing before your eyes was concocted within my distraction , but at the same time it reminds me of an " f " word I should have had a grip on . Focus . Sometimes , or rather most of the time , it seems that I do find myself distracted by the worries of everyday life . I get so caught up in the wonderings and the wanderings of my circumstances that I forget about where my focus should be . God is just waiting for me to lift up these concerns and questions in prayer and let my mind rest in Him . Now , there 's nothing wrong with these " f " words , but when they take over your ( my ) priority list and leave God at the bottom , then something definitely needs to be fixed . I 'll leave you with some fitting verses I found … " So we fix our eyes not on what is seen , but on what is unseen . For what is seen is temporary , but what is unseen is eternal . " ( 2 Corinthians 4 : 18 , NIV ) I went to the ladies retreat with my church this past weekend and I came across this sudden inspiration to write . I guess in God 's eyes , it 's not sudden at all , He knows all the seeds He has been planting over the years . I think the very first seed was planted back when I was in 6th grade in Arizona . Through my class ' writer 's workshop I first learned about the writing process and different types of poetry , and I found out that I really liked writing . During jr . high and high school , I didn 't get the same enjoyment from writing for my classes , except in my 11th grade English class with the writing portfolios we kept . I did start keeping a diary on a semi - regular basis during high school , and have written in it on and off since then . Those were more seeds for my inspiration . In college , writing became more of a chore , there was always something that needed to be written about in every class , and even many of my exams were essay tests . I started to get tired of writing so much and began to , as they say so nicely , " BS " my way through many of my reflections and reports . Despite these strained feelings toward writing , seeds were still planted from others . My professors would remark on how thoughtful and well - written my reflections were . There was a fellow student who asked me to help write a skit for a group project because she heard I was a good writer . My friends sometimes commented on my cards or emails being inspiring . But at that point in my life and even up until about 2 years ago , I didn 't feel like an inspired , good writer . Part of my inspiration to write comes from reading good , engaging books . A couple years ago , I hadn 't read anything for a while , and I decided to start back up again . I picked up one of Karen Kingsbury 's books at the library and had no idea what I was getting myself into . For those who haven 't read her books , Karen takes you into her stories in a way that makes you feel like you 're a part of them . I feel like the Baxters are real people who I know personally . There areFinally I find myself back where I started : with the retreat ( everything written beyond my first sentence above was just background information … ) The theme was " A Legacy to Remember . " Beforehand , I didn 't really feel like I had a legacy to leave , and being without a husband or children , I had nobody to leave it with . But , God was already preparing my heart for what I 'd learn over the weekend . I read a devotional story right before I left on Friday . It was about a girl 's grandmother who wrote thousands of letters to her children and grandchildren throughout her life . It says , " Part of Gram 's legacy was how she lived her life , but part of it , too , was the words she left with us all - words that became an extension of the woman who penned them . " I reflected on the fact that this story mentioned a legacy , which just happened to be the theme of this retreat I was about to leave for . I also began thinking about how much I would love to write more to encourage my friends and family . During the retreat , so many women talked about the legacies that have been passed down through the generations of their families . But , what I noticed the most was the many times writing was involved . Twyla read a story she wrote when she was younger ; Darla mentioned the importance of keeping a journal of your thoughts and reflections ; Sara brought journals from her experiences in Germany and Mexico . I came to the realization that maybe writing could become my own legacy . After all the encouragement and inspiring moments over the years , my spark was finally ignited . So , I am beginning a journey , one that I plan to share with my friends and family . I don 't really know where this journey is taking me , but I know that I plan to continue on . I want my words to leave a legacy in someone 's life . I don 't know if my writing is really that good or not , but I hope these writings are uplifting to those who wish to bear with me through these beginning steps . My name is Elizabeth Otten . I am a Christian and I enjoy writing about the things God is trying to teach me in life . I post about potential writing opportunities I 'm working on ; quotes and verses that encourage me ; and pictures of my cats , memories , and places I 've been . I have an eclectic assortment of hobbies and interests that I may also write about from time to time .
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Piggybacking on yesterday 's theme , I have an interesting journal story . About five years ago , my friend Liz and I were driving around in Massachusetts . We came upon an estate sale near Gloucester and decided to check it out . By the time we got there , everything was already heavily picked over . Among the remaining detritus , there were books scattered on the floor , many of them quite old . Being a book person , I began picking through them . I found a diary , handwritten in a hardbound book with an embossed cover , dating from 1940 . I showed it to the person running the sale , thinking they might want it . But they said the heirs wanted nothing in the house . So I bought the diary for $ 1 . It has a name in it , but I won 't give that away . ( I 've also changed the names in the entries below . ) The diary begins on February 1 : " My birthday ! Everything covered in snow ! Didn 't hear much from home in Texas . Didn 't do anything all day . Harry came by at 4 and we went for a long drive . That night he took me to the Latin Quarter . We had a table right on the floor . Gee , I got as tight as a loon on 2 1 / 2 Tom Collins . Harry couldn 't believe it . He brought me home . Marge and Pat put me to bed . I had a grand day . I am 22 now . " The next day : " My first hangover ! ! ! So help me , it is my last . Couldn 't eat all day . Finally crammed down a banana . Went over to Dean Road and ice skated . Felt so dizzy and fell so many times , I finally gave up and came home . The outing helped my head . " On February 16 : " Pat gave Harry and I passes to Sonja Henie 's ' Hollywood Ice Revue of 1940 . ' Oh , she is adorable and her skating is incomparable . We saw her at the Boston Garden . We came home right after the show . Snow was up to our shoulders . Harry tried to jump a bank and slipped and fell . He hit me with a snowball . " It goes on and on like this , and it 's fascinating . The young author was a fashion model in a department store - - " the clientele is the best in Boston " - - and she records her outings to plays and with various young suitors . On MaPosted by OK . I promised to write about writing . I was inspired to think about this by Lorianne , who was in turn inspired by her friend Mark . Mark referred to an excellent recent New Yorker article by Louis Menand called " Woke Up This Morning , " about why people keep and read diaries : " Rationally considered , what is natural or healthy about writing down what happened every day in a book that no one else is supposed to read ? Isn 't there something a little O . C . D . about this kind of behavior ? Writing is onerous . . . writing feels like work because it is work - - and , day by day , life is pretty routine , repetitive , and , we should face it , boring . So why do a few keep diaries , when diary - keeping is , for many , too much ? " Menand distinguishes between diaries and journals , memoirs and blogs - - a distinction that I 'm not sure is really warranted . I think the writing of any of those things comes from a common place . And what is that place ? Menand proposes three theories about why people keep diaries : The ego theory , which holds that you believe everything that happens to you is important , and therefore worthy of recording ; the id theory , in which people use their diaries as storehouses of secret longing and admissions they would be pained to make publicly ; and the superego theory , which holds that diarists are writing for imagined readers as " exercises in self - justification . " In my own case , I have written habitually since the fifth grade , when I began keeping a journal . There are elements of all three theories in my writing : I do write for imagined future readers , even as I dread having them read all the id - related urges and disappointments of my life . Initially , I didn 't record secret thoughts , though I had plenty of them as a middle schooler . Even as I grew older , I never recorded anything I thought would be disastrous if publicly revealed . ( I 'm not sure anything fits that category anymore ! ) And though I imagined readers , I never expected anyone to truly read my journals . ( In this case , blogging does diverge from journal - kPosted by So I 'm trying something new . I 'm sitting downstairs in my back yard on Saturday afternoon , writing this entry as some little kids play loudly in the back yard of the townhouse next door . Our little redbud tree ( which I neglected to mention yesterday ) is blooming pink overhead . There 's a strange bush in the corner of the yard with some really beautiful pink flowers - - I 'll post a photo of it above so someone can tell me what the heck it is . There 's another bush ( below ) with dark , glossy leaves and little spikes of white flowers . ( How can I not know what 's growing in my own backyard ? ) It 's so great to write outside ! Why haven 't I ever done this before ? I usually leave my laptop plugged into the wall and never take it anywhere . I was going to write today about writing - - why I do it , why I started and can 't stop , that sort of thing . But I 'm so into my surroundings that I think I 'll save the whys for another day . We have a little bench in our back yard that the building co - op purchased a few years ago . Every winter the super breaks it down and brings it inside for storage , and every spring he puts it outside again . We also have a nice outdoor table that belongs to the super , with an umbrella and everything . That 's where I am now . And I wish you could hear all the noises . In addition to the kids , who seem to be in an above - ground pool shaded with a tarp ( which seems so weird to me , in Manhattan ) , I hear a soft background rush of passing cars on Third Avenue - - more like white noise than anything . A distant car horn . A piece of power equipment ( a saw ? ) in a building nearby . An occasional bird . Layers and layers of sounds . And yet , it 's not noisy . It seems very peaceful ! I realized Tuesday while reading some other blogs that I totally blew off Earth Day . I also blew off Arbor Day on Friday . I guess I 'm not watching the calendar closely enough ! Then again , shouldn 't every day be both Earth Day and Arbor Day ? When should we not be thinking about trees , about the health of the planet ? Fortunately , city life lends itself to environmentally - friendly lifestyles . We 're all crammed into tiny apartments ( well , except for the hedge fund managers among us ) , and we walk everywhere . Many of us don 't own cars . We can 't consume much stuff , because we don 't have the space for it . I took an online test one time , and my carbon footprint is pretty darn tiny . My weak spot is probably traveling , consuming my share of jet fuel . And restaurants , I suppose - - importing God - knows - what from the ends of the Earth . While I can 't exactly go out and plant a tree , I can at least take care of the ones we 've got . The back yard of my building has a small maple coming up , right in the middle of the yard - - it promises to be a nice tree in future years , with plenty of room to grow . We also have several roses - of - sharon , smaller trees that have nice flowers in summer . I hereby pledge to defend them against any and all hostile forces ! ( Photo : Benches near government buildings in lower Manhattan , March 2008 ) Yesterday I had a welcome respite from the weekday grind . I left work early to zip home and meet with Lettuce , who 's visiting New York and staying in a hotel about a block from my apartment . She and her friend Betty stopped by and met my cat , who was unappreciative , as usual . Then we set out for a good diner lunch and stroll down to the East Village to find some street art . It was an amazing day , warm and blue and sunny ( the latter much to Betty 's fair - skinned chagrin ) . We explored for a couple of hours and found some pretty good stuff around Tompkins Square Park and down to Houston on Avenue B . It was an added bonus that Betty and Lettuce had seen " Rent " on Broadway , so I got to explain that it was all set in the exact neighborhood where we were walking . The only downer came when we visited one of my favorite street art walls in the East Village , on Second Street , and found it utterly obliterated - - totally painted over and blank . A guy working at a nearby gas station told us quite spontaneously that it was buffed about two weeks ago . ( I think he 'd seen us looking at it longingly . ) Later we met up with Bob , who joined us at the pub One and One , at the corner of First Street and First Avenue . We had a pint ( or was it two ? ) and set off into SoHo , where although the light was fading we found more great street art , like the little fellow above . It was terrific to get away from work and , of course , Lettuce and Betty are charming . What better way to spend an afternoon than in cross - cultural exchange ? Makes for a better world all around . ( Photo : Houston Street , April 2008 ) Did yesterday 's haiku seem like it didn 't match the photo ? I thought they both touched on transience really well - - the impermanent spring mist , the shifting spring light on the wall . That was the common link in my mind . ( Just FYI ! ) This has been a really busy week ! But I 've been enjoying the urgency , the need to tick off items on my figurative to - do list . I once joked to my mom that my life was nothing more than moving objects from one place to another - - mailing back the Netflix movie , taking out the trash , picking up the laundry - - and she laughed and said , " Well , that 's what life is ! " Kind of boils it down to its practical core , eh ? I 've been having dreams lately , too , which is interesting because I almost never dream . Or at least I don 't remember them . But for the last few nights , they 've been hovering around my head as I wake up , so I 'm at least aware of their presence even though I can 't capture their substance . When I was in college , I went to a therapist for a while who had me write down my dreams . I 'd then read them to her and we 'd analyze them together . ( She was an ancient Jungian , who always wore purple and chain - smoked as we talked . ) Dreams can hold some underlying meanings , but these days I tend to think they 're mostly just misfiring neurons - - I suspect we impose much of the meaning on them after the fact . They can tell you in general ways about the issues percolating in your mind , but I 'm skeptical of a lot of the deep metaphorical analysis . So now , I don 't even try to hold on to them . I just let them vanish , like steam . Poof ! ( Photo : Upper East Side , March 2008 ) Well , I had a great weekend ! Fun and busy and exhausting . I got together with Bob Friday and Saturday nights . On Saturday we went to one of my favorite swanky bars , atop the Beekman Tower hotel , which has a great view of the East River and the area just north of the United Nations . I even had a martini , which is rare for me , and which just about knocked me out ! During the day on Saturday I went to the gym and cleaned the house , and then walked over in Chelsea . I wanted to see whether any of the street art I put up a few weeks ago was still there - - and it wasn 't . Transience indeed . Yesterday I was at the Zendo in the morning and then went walking in Tribeca , where I haven 't been for about eight months . I was sorry to see that several popular locations for street art had been completely cleaned . I guess the denizens of all those ritzy lofts and shiny new condos wanted a tidier streetscape . But it 's their loss . Last night I transcribed a Dharma talk - - which is something like a sermon , or a teaching - - by a senior student at the Zendo , so we can publish it in our newsletter . It was an extra little Dharma lesson for the day , since I 'd already heard a talk that morning . ( But you can never have too much teaching , right ? ) ( Photo : Door in Williamsburg , Brooklyn , March 2008 ) Spring seems to be accelerating , with the sudden bloom of all the tulips in the flower beds in front of our building . This is the first year we 've had tulips , and no one was sure what color they would be . I 'm happy to see they 're a beautiful shade of salmon pink . I also thought you 'd like another view of the backyard . As you can see , things are happening quickly there , too - - compare the view below to this photo , taken just a week ago . The blooms are almost all gone from the magnolia , and the horse chestnut is putting out little green umbrellas of leaves . Pretty soon , I won 't be able to see that building across the courtyard , and my neighbors and I will all lead substantially more private lives . Our economy has been worsening for some time , but suddenly I feel like the signs are all around me , and growing more intense . This week , I learned of two friends who have lost their jobs . My employer is preparing for another round of job cuts . We just released our most recent earnings statement , and it was dismal . On top of that , my 401K lost $ 8 , 000 in value over the last quarter , thanks to the slipping markets , and prices and expenses are on the rise . I try not to stress about it too much - after all , what can I do ? We all just have to ride it out . But it is troubling . It 's especially hard to work in a place where people are perpetually leaving . Change and loss is always hard , but it 's especially hard when it comes in waves and keeps returning , so you never quite feel that you 're done with it . As an antidote to the somber news , Bob and I went to see " Valley of the Dolls " on the big screen last night at Clearview Chelsea Cinemas , where a special showing was being hosted by drag queen Hedda Lettuce . Quite hilarious . I haven 't laughed so hard in weeks . ( Photo : Architectural detail , Williamsburg , Brooklyn , March 2008 ) Last night I got to indulge in one of my favorite activities . I went to Chipotle on St . Mark 's Place after work for a burrito , and I sat in the window watching the parade of cute guys on the street below . Chipotle is built up above the street , so from the window I have a great vantage point ! And St . Mark 's Place , with its erstwhile bohemian atmosphere ( and its proximity to NYU ) always attracts lots of cuties . People - watching really is one of my favorite activities - I 'm not kidding . Not only because people in New York are so interesting , but also because a lot of them are so attractive ! I have a friend who says he falls in love on the subway every morning . I know just what he means . When I first started practicing Zen , I had the idea that I was supposed to quell feelings of desire . But as I understand it now , elimination isn 't really the goal . It 's more about what to do with desires . When I see an attractive guy , of course I feel a flush of desire - but the trick is not to cling to it , not to obsess about it , not to become envious or fixated . Instead I just think , " Geez , that guy is HOT ! " ( or " hawt , " as some of my friends spell it ) . And two minutes later , ideally , he 's gone from my mind . ( If he 's really cute , he might hang around slightly longer than that . ) Human beings are amazing , when you think about it . All the different ways we 're put together , the ways we attract each other , the things each of us finds appealing . What a panorama , a spectrum ! I wouldn 't want to stop desire completely - as if it were even possible . Where 's the fun in that ? ( Photo : Shadow in Williamsburg , Brooklyn , March 2008 ) Yesterday I was walking in SoHo , taking photos of street art ( above ) , when I came across a few tattered old books scattered on a windowsill . Obviously they were giveaways . Most of them were nothing I wanted . But one was by ' 60s avant - garde novelist Richard Brautigan : " In Watermelon Sugar . " I knew Brautigan because I picked up a copy of his book " The Abortion : An Historical Romance 1966 " at a stoop sale in San Francisco in 1991 . I read it and remember liking it , bizarre and unusual as it was . So I grabbed " In Watermelon Sugar , " a Dell paperback from 1968 . I got a special bonus : Inside the back cover , an old train ticket from Greenwich , Conn . , to Grand Central Station . No date , but it was a ConRail ticket , and MTA took over the Metro North trains from ConRail in 1983 . . . so it 's at least that old . The fare was $ 2 . 35 ( as opposed to $ 13 for a ticket bought on board the train today ) . I opened " In Watermelon Sugar " to a random page . It was a chapter titled " The Watermelon Sun " : I woke up before Pauline and put on my overalls . A crack of gray sun shone through the window and lay quietly on the floor . I went over and put my foot in it , and then my foot was gray . I looked out the window and across the fields and piney woods and the town to the Forgotten Works . Everything was touched with gray : Cattle grazing in the fields and the roofs of the shacks and the big Piles in the Forgotten Works all looked like dust . The very air itself was gray . We have an interesting thing with the sun here . It shines a different color every day . No one knows why this is , not even Charley . We grow the watermelons in different colors the best we can . This is how we do it : Seeds gathered from a gray watermelon picked on a gray day and then planted on a gray day will make more gray watermelons . It is really very simple . The colors of the days and the watermelons go like this - - Monday : red watermelons . Tuesday : golden watermelons . Wednesday : gray watermelons . Thursday : black , soundless watermelons . Friday : white watermelons . SPosted by I thought you might like to see the Japanese magnolia that 's blooming in the courtyard outside my window . For most of the year , this tree looks pretty nondescript . But every spring it explodes into a cloud of big pink petals . In the middle of the photo near the bottom , you can also see one of the big green buds on the horse chestnut tree . I love that tree because it shades my window and gives me some privacy from the apartments across the way . We don 't really own it - it 's growing just outside the wall of our backyard , so it belongs to the neighbors . I 'm always afraid they 're going to cut it down . I did go to the Zendo for a few hours of yesterday 's retreat , and I 'm so glad I did . It was great to reconnect with my practice after a dry spell . In the end , I have to remember that whatever doubts and hesitations I have about practice are just more thoughts - just transient flashes of brain noise . Not that they 're meaningless . But they 're not really all that important , either . What 's important is showing up , being on the cushion , breathing , being . Paying attention to what 's real . I was glad to be reminded of how simple it is . I plan to go back this morning , and then I 'll be back on schedule . Here is a legendary Reed family story about one of my childhood traumas . It was the early ' 70s , and I was six years old or so . I sat down to watch an animated TV movie called " The Last of the Curlews , " which as I recall was broadcast with sponsorship by Burger King . My mom sat down to watch it with me . The movie was about an endangered species of bird , the Eskimo curlew . It told the story of one particular curlew who thought he was the last of his kind - until he found a mate . Then , in the movie 's climactic scene , a hunter kills the mate . The curlew is left alone again , his species facing extinction . My mom remembers watching this with me and thinking , as the movie 's final scenes began : " Oh no ! " Sure enough , I burst into tears and still remember , to this day , how gut - wrenching that movie was . I 've read more about it since then and learned that it was produced as ABC 's very first " After School Special " in 1972 . ( I seem to remember it airing in prime time , but maybe I 'm wrong , or maybe I saw a rebroadcast . ) It won an Emmy the following year . You know what , though ? I wouldn 't wish that movie on my worst boyhood enemy . It may have been realistic , but it was also way too harsh for many kids - definitely way too harsh for me . I think it 's telling that I don 't ever remember seeing it air again . Does anyone else remember this movie ? ( Photo : Anteaters , Brooklyn , March 2008 ) Just as I wrote yesterday 's entry , it warmed up considerably . I almost didn 't even need my jacket . Woo hoo ! I 'm finally getting back to my normal schedule after California . It always takes me a few days to settle into my routine . Today 's goal is to get back to the gym - I 've been such a sloth lately - and to sit a while . Tomorrow is another monthly retreat at the Zendo . I think I will go , at least for part of the day . I need to apply myself and get back to practicing . I 'd also like to talk to my teacher a bit about my recent malaise , and finding the right balance in my practice . Do you ever think we just have too many choices in life ? Our ancestors had only one religion , for the most part - the one they were born into . I 'm not saying it 's a bad thing to have other options , but it does lead to a sort of restlessness , and what can become an endless quest for the perfect path . And no path is perfect , you know ? I 've been grooving lately to the Beach Boys ' album " Pet Sounds , " from 1966 . " Pet Sounds , " which routinely lands on lists of the all - time best albums , was both influenced by and had an influence on the Beatles . In fact , I 've read that " Pet Sounds " wouldn 't have happened without the Beatles ' " Rubber Soul , " and " Sgt . Pepper 's Lonely Hearts Club Band " wouldn 't have happened without " Pet Sounds . " In any case , it is indeed a stellar album - not peppy lightweight Beach Boys tunes like their earlier songs , but a bit doleful , with richly layered instrumentation . I 'm loving it . ( Photo : Long Island City , Queens , March 2008 ) Spring is springing here in New York , but it seems to be happening very slowly . I 'm not sure it 's any slower than usual - maybe I 'm just overeager . For one thing , the weather has stayed pretty chilly . I 've been refusing to wear my coat ; I guess I 've been subconsciously willing it to get warmer ! Fortunately I 'm able to get by with just a jacket . When I came back from California on Monday , the ornamental pear trees were blooming along Lexington Avenue near my apartment . In just the few days I was gone the trees turned into soft white clouds . And there are big pink buds on the Japanese magnolia in the back yard - I love it when that tree blooms each year . We also have daffodils blooming in the front flower bed , but only in the sunny part . The daffodils in the shady , cooler areas don 't have flowers yet . Funny how nature interacts that way , with plants growing just a few inches apart on different schedules ! We have tulips coming up too , but they bloom later . It 's futile to feel like I want to hurry things along - nature doesn 't listen to me , after all - but I am SO ready for the change of seasons ! ( Aside : Whenever I think of nature personified , I think of Mother Nature from the old Chiffon margarine commercials . ) ( Photo : Long Island City , Queens , March 2008 ) Every time I go to L . A . , I pass a coffee shop called Pann 's on my way into town from LAX . It 's on a wedge of land between La Cienaga and La Tijera boulevards , with a funky swooping angled roof and a crazily tilted sign . The letters that spell out " Pann 's " come in a font that 's unmistakably ' 50s . As you all know , I love a good diner . So last Thursday , on our way into town , Christopher and I stopped at Pann 's . We sat in one of the maroon vinyl booths and had milkshakes - mine was vanilla with peanut butter and a swirl of chocolate fudge . Mmmmm . . . Pann 's , built in 1956 and designed by the firm of Armet & Davis , is a prime example of the kind of California coffee - shop architecture that was exported to the rest of the country in restaurant chains like Big Boy and Denny 's . Large plate - glass windows , angled roofs , exposed stone and lush plantings all typify this style , chronicled in Alan Hess ' excellent 1985 book " Googie : Fifties coffee shop architecture . " The restaurants evolved this way in California 's warm , sunny car - loving climate . But they seem to work in other parts of the country , too - - and I 'm glad . They 're so futuristic , and yet so yesterday ! Even the tiles in the bathroom at Pann 's are retro . As my friends and I were driving into Palm Springs on Friday , we passed a bar with a big sign out front : " Toucan 's welcomes the ladies for Dinah Shore Weekend ! " Clueless , I read the sign to my friends . They said , " Oh ! Is it Dinah Shore Weekend ? " Dinah Shore Weekend , as it turns out , is a huge lesbian gathering that coincides with a golf tournament named after , you guessed it , Dinah Shore . We had inadvertently stumbled into the middle of a big bunch of partying womyn . Fortunately , we weren 't too visibly clueless , because there were other male stragglers around , too . My friends Jerry and Christopher took me to P . S . as a belated 40th birthday present . We stayed at a gay resort and had a terrific time , even though we have very different traveling styles . Christopher and Jerry like to check in to a hotel and hang around the pool , relaxing and chatting up fellow lodgers . I , on the other hand , like to explore . So some days , while they stayed put , I would go out walking through town , checking out the shops , stopping for coffee and taking photos . Also , I 'm a ridiculously early riser , so I used the morning to sightsee , too . I did a lot of walking and running in Palm Springs , just as I 'd hoped . I really love the area - the climate is beautiful ( at least , at this time of year ) and the mountains provide a dramatic scenic backdrop , always changing with the light through the day . The town itself seems small and manageable , and also relatively affordable , despite its posh reputation . ( Apparently it has experienced explosive growth in recent years . ) There 's lots of beautiful landscaping and desert foliage , and since it 's spring , everything was blooming . And as I mentioned yesterday , Chris and Jerry did make a major concession to my exploring by taking me to Joshua Tree , so I 'm thankful for that ! All in all , I had a great time ! Now I 'm happy to be back in New York , where the trees have bloomed a bit in my absence , but where it 's also unfortunately unseasonably cold . Was I really in a swimming pool just 36 hours aPosted by Well , I made it back from Palm Springs . I landed a few hours ago , and now I 'm getting my life in order before I zip off to work . I 'm not sure I 'll be very productive today , but I 'll give it the old college try . I 'll write more about Palm Springs tomorrow , but suffice to say I had a great time ! The highlight was driving out to Joshua Tree National Park , which is full of amazing vistas and rock formations , as well as the ubiquitous spiny trees that give it its name . It was really stunning , with lots of spring wildflowers . This is the panorama from Keys View , a lookout point over the Coachella Valley . On clear days , Mexico is allegedly visible . This is a Joshua Tree - I 'm pretty sure it is , anyway . ( The yucca looks very similar , apparently . ) This is me being an intrepid rock climber . Nothing fancy - no harnesses or anything like that . Just me scrambling up on top of a big rock ! I 'm off to sunny California today , for a brief vacation in Palm Springs . I 'm flying out in late morning and meeting up with my friends Christopher and Jerry , and we 'll all drive out to the desert together . I 'm hoping to see Joshua Tree National Park , do a bit of running , and just relax in a warm , dry environment for a few days . Woo hoo ! Bob and I went to see " Stop Loss " last night , about soldiers returning from Iraq . It 's kind of a strange movie - - the first 3 / 4 are very moving , with an excellent performance by Ryan Phillippe . It effectively portrays the huge injustices we inflict on our military personnel in Iraq , as well as what life may be like stateside for veterans . But the ending seems a bit slapped together and unconvincing . ( And sadly , there were no parts suitable for Tina Louise . ) After the movie , Bob and I went to the Cheyenne Diner on Ninth Avenue , which sadly is about to close forever . Its last day is Sunday . I had pancakes - an appropriate late - night diner food . Here , for good measure , are a few more photos of the Cheyenne . I don 't think I 'll be blogging from California , so I 'll be back on Monday ! I 'm always amazed when I meet another blogger in person , and I feel like I know them - - even though it 's the first time we 've technically met . That was the case with Gary when I first met him several months ago , and now I can say the same about Kim , who 's visiting New York . She and Gary and I went for a quick drink last night ( VERY quick , since they had to get to a show ) and it was fun to compare notes and see our common " blog mind " in action ! Go bloggers ! I wonder if Tina Louise ever thought about blogging ? ( Photo : Park Avenue , March 2008 ) I was looking at my Google referrals yesterday - it 's amazing how many hits I get from searches for Tina Louise . All because of just one post ! I think I 'm going to mention Tina Louise every day , just to increase my blog traffic . For some reason , when I woke up this morning , this jingle popped into my head . And now I can 't stop singing it . Sometimes I 'm scared of what lives in my brain . I 'm an American living in London with my partner , Dave , and our dog , Olga . My idea of the perfect day is taking a long walk and bringing the camera . I began this blog to show off my photos , but gradually added words to the mix . Now , it 's more or less my daily journal .
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Piggybacking on yesterday 's theme , I have an interesting journal story . About five years ago , my friend Liz and I were driving around in Massachusetts . We came upon an estate sale near Gloucester and decided to check it out . By the time we got there , everything was already heavily picked over . Among the remaining detritus , there were books scattered on the floor , many of them quite old . Being a book person , I began picking through them . I found a diary , handwritten in a hardbound book with an embossed cover , dating from 1940 . I showed it to the person running the sale , thinking they might want it . But they said the heirs wanted nothing in the house . So I bought the diary for $ 1 . It has a name in it , but I won 't give that away . ( I 've also changed the names in the entries below . ) The diary begins on February 1 : " My birthday ! Everything covered in snow ! Didn 't hear much from home in Texas . Didn 't do anything all day . Harry came by at 4 and we went for a long drive . That night he took me to the Latin Quarter . We had a table right on the floor . Gee , I got as tight as a loon on 2 1 / 2 Tom Collins . Harry couldn 't believe it . He brought me home . Marge and Pat put me to bed . I had a grand day . I am 22 now . " The next day : " My first hangover ! ! ! So help me , it is my last . Couldn 't eat all day . Finally crammed down a banana . Went over to Dean Road and ice skated . Felt so dizzy and fell so many times , I finally gave up and came home . The outing helped my head . " On February 16 : " Pat gave Harry and I passes to Sonja Henie 's ' Hollywood Ice Revue of 1940 . ' Oh , she is adorable and her skating is incomparable . We saw her at the Boston Garden . We came home right after the show . Snow was up to our shoulders . Harry tried to jump a bank and slipped and fell . He hit me with a snowball . " It goes on and on like this , and it 's fascinating . The young author was a fashion model in a department store - - " the clientele is the best in Boston " - - and she records her outings to plays and with various young suitors . On MaPosted by OK . I promised to write about writing . I was inspired to think about this by Lorianne , who was in turn inspired by her friend Mark . Mark referred to an excellent recent New Yorker article by Louis Menand called " Woke Up This Morning , " about why people keep and read diaries : " Rationally considered , what is natural or healthy about writing down what happened every day in a book that no one else is supposed to read ? Isn 't there something a little O . C . D . about this kind of behavior ? Writing is onerous . . . writing feels like work because it is work - - and , day by day , life is pretty routine , repetitive , and , we should face it , boring . So why do a few keep diaries , when diary - keeping is , for many , too much ? " Menand distinguishes between diaries and journals , memoirs and blogs - - a distinction that I 'm not sure is really warranted . I think the writing of any of those things comes from a common place . And what is that place ? Menand proposes three theories about why people keep diaries : The ego theory , which holds that you believe everything that happens to you is important , and therefore worthy of recording ; the id theory , in which people use their diaries as storehouses of secret longing and admissions they would be pained to make publicly ; and the superego theory , which holds that diarists are writing for imagined readers as " exercises in self - justification . " In my own case , I have written habitually since the fifth grade , when I began keeping a journal . There are elements of all three theories in my writing : I do write for imagined future readers , even as I dread having them read all the id - related urges and disappointments of my life . Initially , I didn 't record secret thoughts , though I had plenty of them as a middle schooler . Even as I grew older , I never recorded anything I thought would be disastrous if publicly revealed . ( I 'm not sure anything fits that category anymore ! ) And though I imagined readers , I never expected anyone to truly read my journals . ( In this case , blogging does diverge from journal - kPosted by So I 'm trying something new . I 'm sitting downstairs in my back yard on Saturday afternoon , writing this entry as some little kids play loudly in the back yard of the townhouse next door . Our little redbud tree ( which I neglected to mention yesterday ) is blooming pink overhead . There 's a strange bush in the corner of the yard with some really beautiful pink flowers - - I 'll post a photo of it above so someone can tell me what the heck it is . There 's another bush ( below ) with dark , glossy leaves and little spikes of white flowers . ( How can I not know what 's growing in my own backyard ? ) It 's so great to write outside ! Why haven 't I ever done this before ? I usually leave my laptop plugged into the wall and never take it anywhere . I was going to write today about writing - - why I do it , why I started and can 't stop , that sort of thing . But I 'm so into my surroundings that I think I 'll save the whys for another day . We have a little bench in our back yard that the building co - op purchased a few years ago . Every winter the super breaks it down and brings it inside for storage , and every spring he puts it outside again . We also have a nice outdoor table that belongs to the super , with an umbrella and everything . That 's where I am now . And I wish you could hear all the noises . In addition to the kids , who seem to be in an above - ground pool shaded with a tarp ( which seems so weird to me , in Manhattan ) , I hear a soft background rush of passing cars on Third Avenue - - more like white noise than anything . A distant car horn . A piece of power equipment ( a saw ? ) in a building nearby . An occasional bird . Layers and layers of sounds . And yet , it 's not noisy . It seems very peaceful ! I realized Tuesday while reading some other blogs that I totally blew off Earth Day . I also blew off Arbor Day on Friday . I guess I 'm not watching the calendar closely enough ! Then again , shouldn 't every day be both Earth Day and Arbor Day ? When should we not be thinking about trees , about the health of the planet ? Fortunately , city life lends itself to environmentally - friendly lifestyles . We 're all crammed into tiny apartments ( well , except for the hedge fund managers among us ) , and we walk everywhere . Many of us don 't own cars . We can 't consume much stuff , because we don 't have the space for it . I took an online test one time , and my carbon footprint is pretty darn tiny . My weak spot is probably traveling , consuming my share of jet fuel . And restaurants , I suppose - - importing God - knows - what from the ends of the Earth . While I can 't exactly go out and plant a tree , I can at least take care of the ones we 've got . The back yard of my building has a small maple coming up , right in the middle of the yard - - it promises to be a nice tree in future years , with plenty of room to grow . We also have several roses - of - sharon , smaller trees that have nice flowers in summer . I hereby pledge to defend them against any and all hostile forces ! ( Photo : Benches near government buildings in lower Manhattan , March 2008 ) Yesterday I had a welcome respite from the weekday grind . I left work early to zip home and meet with Lettuce , who 's visiting New York and staying in a hotel about a block from my apartment . She and her friend Betty stopped by and met my cat , who was unappreciative , as usual . Then we set out for a good diner lunch and stroll down to the East Village to find some street art . It was an amazing day , warm and blue and sunny ( the latter much to Betty 's fair - skinned chagrin ) . We explored for a couple of hours and found some pretty good stuff around Tompkins Square Park and down to Houston on Avenue B . It was an added bonus that Betty and Lettuce had seen " Rent " on Broadway , so I got to explain that it was all set in the exact neighborhood where we were walking . The only downer came when we visited one of my favorite street art walls in the East Village , on Second Street , and found it utterly obliterated - - totally painted over and blank . A guy working at a nearby gas station told us quite spontaneously that it was buffed about two weeks ago . ( I think he 'd seen us looking at it longingly . ) Later we met up with Bob , who joined us at the pub One and One , at the corner of First Street and First Avenue . We had a pint ( or was it two ? ) and set off into SoHo , where although the light was fading we found more great street art , like the little fellow above . It was terrific to get away from work and , of course , Lettuce and Betty are charming . What better way to spend an afternoon than in cross - cultural exchange ? Makes for a better world all around . ( Photo : Houston Street , April 2008 ) Did yesterday 's haiku seem like it didn 't match the photo ? I thought they both touched on transience really well - - the impermanent spring mist , the shifting spring light on the wall . That was the common link in my mind . ( Just FYI ! ) This has been a really busy week ! But I 've been enjoying the urgency , the need to tick off items on my figurative to - do list . I once joked to my mom that my life was nothing more than moving objects from one place to another - - mailing back the Netflix movie , taking out the trash , picking up the laundry - - and she laughed and said , " Well , that 's what life is ! " Kind of boils it down to its practical core , eh ? I 've been having dreams lately , too , which is interesting because I almost never dream . Or at least I don 't remember them . But for the last few nights , they 've been hovering around my head as I wake up , so I 'm at least aware of their presence even though I can 't capture their substance . When I was in college , I went to a therapist for a while who had me write down my dreams . I 'd then read them to her and we 'd analyze them together . ( She was an ancient Jungian , who always wore purple and chain - smoked as we talked . ) Dreams can hold some underlying meanings , but these days I tend to think they 're mostly just misfiring neurons - - I suspect we impose much of the meaning on them after the fact . They can tell you in general ways about the issues percolating in your mind , but I 'm skeptical of a lot of the deep metaphorical analysis . So now , I don 't even try to hold on to them . I just let them vanish , like steam . Poof ! ( Photo : Upper East Side , March 2008 ) Well , I had a great weekend ! Fun and busy and exhausting . I got together with Bob Friday and Saturday nights . On Saturday we went to one of my favorite swanky bars , atop the Beekman Tower hotel , which has a great view of the East River and the area just north of the United Nations . I even had a martini , which is rare for me , and which just about knocked me out ! During the day on Saturday I went to the gym and cleaned the house , and then walked over in Chelsea . I wanted to see whether any of the street art I put up a few weeks ago was still there - - and it wasn 't . Transience indeed . Yesterday I was at the Zendo in the morning and then went walking in Tribeca , where I haven 't been for about eight months . I was sorry to see that several popular locations for street art had been completely cleaned . I guess the denizens of all those ritzy lofts and shiny new condos wanted a tidier streetscape . But it 's their loss . Last night I transcribed a Dharma talk - - which is something like a sermon , or a teaching - - by a senior student at the Zendo , so we can publish it in our newsletter . It was an extra little Dharma lesson for the day , since I 'd already heard a talk that morning . ( But you can never have too much teaching , right ? ) ( Photo : Door in Williamsburg , Brooklyn , March 2008 ) Spring seems to be accelerating , with the sudden bloom of all the tulips in the flower beds in front of our building . This is the first year we 've had tulips , and no one was sure what color they would be . I 'm happy to see they 're a beautiful shade of salmon pink . I also thought you 'd like another view of the backyard . As you can see , things are happening quickly there , too - - compare the view below to this photo , taken just a week ago . The blooms are almost all gone from the magnolia , and the horse chestnut is putting out little green umbrellas of leaves . Pretty soon , I won 't be able to see that building across the courtyard , and my neighbors and I will all lead substantially more private lives . Our economy has been worsening for some time , but suddenly I feel like the signs are all around me , and growing more intense . This week , I learned of two friends who have lost their jobs . My employer is preparing for another round of job cuts . We just released our most recent earnings statement , and it was dismal . On top of that , my 401K lost $ 8 , 000 in value over the last quarter , thanks to the slipping markets , and prices and expenses are on the rise . I try not to stress about it too much - after all , what can I do ? We all just have to ride it out . But it is troubling . It 's especially hard to work in a place where people are perpetually leaving . Change and loss is always hard , but it 's especially hard when it comes in waves and keeps returning , so you never quite feel that you 're done with it . As an antidote to the somber news , Bob and I went to see " Valley of the Dolls " on the big screen last night at Clearview Chelsea Cinemas , where a special showing was being hosted by drag queen Hedda Lettuce . Quite hilarious . I haven 't laughed so hard in weeks . ( Photo : Architectural detail , Williamsburg , Brooklyn , March 2008 ) Last night I got to indulge in one of my favorite activities . I went to Chipotle on St . Mark 's Place after work for a burrito , and I sat in the window watching the parade of cute guys on the street below . Chipotle is built up above the street , so from the window I have a great vantage point ! And St . Mark 's Place , with its erstwhile bohemian atmosphere ( and its proximity to NYU ) always attracts lots of cuties . People - watching really is one of my favorite activities - I 'm not kidding . Not only because people in New York are so interesting , but also because a lot of them are so attractive ! I have a friend who says he falls in love on the subway every morning . I know just what he means . When I first started practicing Zen , I had the idea that I was supposed to quell feelings of desire . But as I understand it now , elimination isn 't really the goal . It 's more about what to do with desires . When I see an attractive guy , of course I feel a flush of desire - but the trick is not to cling to it , not to obsess about it , not to become envious or fixated . Instead I just think , " Geez , that guy is HOT ! " ( or " hawt , " as some of my friends spell it ) . And two minutes later , ideally , he 's gone from my mind . ( If he 's really cute , he might hang around slightly longer than that . ) Human beings are amazing , when you think about it . All the different ways we 're put together , the ways we attract each other , the things each of us finds appealing . What a panorama , a spectrum ! I wouldn 't want to stop desire completely - as if it were even possible . Where 's the fun in that ? ( Photo : Shadow in Williamsburg , Brooklyn , March 2008 ) Yesterday I was walking in SoHo , taking photos of street art ( above ) , when I came across a few tattered old books scattered on a windowsill . Obviously they were giveaways . Most of them were nothing I wanted . But one was by ' 60s avant - garde novelist Richard Brautigan : " In Watermelon Sugar . " I knew Brautigan because I picked up a copy of his book " The Abortion : An Historical Romance 1966 " at a stoop sale in San Francisco in 1991 . I read it and remember liking it , bizarre and unusual as it was . So I grabbed " In Watermelon Sugar , " a Dell paperback from 1968 . I got a special bonus : Inside the back cover , an old train ticket from Greenwich , Conn . , to Grand Central Station . No date , but it was a ConRail ticket , and MTA took over the Metro North trains from ConRail in 1983 . . . so it 's at least that old . The fare was $ 2 . 35 ( as opposed to $ 13 for a ticket bought on board the train today ) . I opened " In Watermelon Sugar " to a random page . It was a chapter titled " The Watermelon Sun " : I woke up before Pauline and put on my overalls . A crack of gray sun shone through the window and lay quietly on the floor . I went over and put my foot in it , and then my foot was gray . I looked out the window and across the fields and piney woods and the town to the Forgotten Works . Everything was touched with gray : Cattle grazing in the fields and the roofs of the shacks and the big Piles in the Forgotten Works all looked like dust . The very air itself was gray . We have an interesting thing with the sun here . It shines a different color every day . No one knows why this is , not even Charley . We grow the watermelons in different colors the best we can . This is how we do it : Seeds gathered from a gray watermelon picked on a gray day and then planted on a gray day will make more gray watermelons . It is really very simple . The colors of the days and the watermelons go like this - - Monday : red watermelons . Tuesday : golden watermelons . Wednesday : gray watermelons . Thursday : black , soundless watermelons . Friday : white watermelons . SPosted by I thought you might like to see the Japanese magnolia that 's blooming in the courtyard outside my window . For most of the year , this tree looks pretty nondescript . But every spring it explodes into a cloud of big pink petals . In the middle of the photo near the bottom , you can also see one of the big green buds on the horse chestnut tree . I love that tree because it shades my window and gives me some privacy from the apartments across the way . We don 't really own it - it 's growing just outside the wall of our backyard , so it belongs to the neighbors . I 'm always afraid they 're going to cut it down . I did go to the Zendo for a few hours of yesterday 's retreat , and I 'm so glad I did . It was great to reconnect with my practice after a dry spell . In the end , I have to remember that whatever doubts and hesitations I have about practice are just more thoughts - just transient flashes of brain noise . Not that they 're meaningless . But they 're not really all that important , either . What 's important is showing up , being on the cushion , breathing , being . Paying attention to what 's real . I was glad to be reminded of how simple it is . I plan to go back this morning , and then I 'll be back on schedule . Here is a legendary Reed family story about one of my childhood traumas . It was the early ' 70s , and I was six years old or so . I sat down to watch an animated TV movie called " The Last of the Curlews , " which as I recall was broadcast with sponsorship by Burger King . My mom sat down to watch it with me . The movie was about an endangered species of bird , the Eskimo curlew . It told the story of one particular curlew who thought he was the last of his kind - until he found a mate . Then , in the movie 's climactic scene , a hunter kills the mate . The curlew is left alone again , his species facing extinction . My mom remembers watching this with me and thinking , as the movie 's final scenes began : " Oh no ! " Sure enough , I burst into tears and still remember , to this day , how gut - wrenching that movie was . I 've read more about it since then and learned that it was produced as ABC 's very first " After School Special " in 1972 . ( I seem to remember it airing in prime time , but maybe I 'm wrong , or maybe I saw a rebroadcast . ) It won an Emmy the following year . You know what , though ? I wouldn 't wish that movie on my worst boyhood enemy . It may have been realistic , but it was also way too harsh for many kids - definitely way too harsh for me . I think it 's telling that I don 't ever remember seeing it air again . Does anyone else remember this movie ? ( Photo : Anteaters , Brooklyn , March 2008 ) Just as I wrote yesterday 's entry , it warmed up considerably . I almost didn 't even need my jacket . Woo hoo ! I 'm finally getting back to my normal schedule after California . It always takes me a few days to settle into my routine . Today 's goal is to get back to the gym - I 've been such a sloth lately - and to sit a while . Tomorrow is another monthly retreat at the Zendo . I think I will go , at least for part of the day . I need to apply myself and get back to practicing . I 'd also like to talk to my teacher a bit about my recent malaise , and finding the right balance in my practice . Do you ever think we just have too many choices in life ? Our ancestors had only one religion , for the most part - the one they were born into . I 'm not saying it 's a bad thing to have other options , but it does lead to a sort of restlessness , and what can become an endless quest for the perfect path . And no path is perfect , you know ? I 've been grooving lately to the Beach Boys ' album " Pet Sounds , " from 1966 . " Pet Sounds , " which routinely lands on lists of the all - time best albums , was both influenced by and had an influence on the Beatles . In fact , I 've read that " Pet Sounds " wouldn 't have happened without the Beatles ' " Rubber Soul , " and " Sgt . Pepper 's Lonely Hearts Club Band " wouldn 't have happened without " Pet Sounds . " In any case , it is indeed a stellar album - not peppy lightweight Beach Boys tunes like their earlier songs , but a bit doleful , with richly layered instrumentation . I 'm loving it . ( Photo : Long Island City , Queens , March 2008 ) Spring is springing here in New York , but it seems to be happening very slowly . I 'm not sure it 's any slower than usual - maybe I 'm just overeager . For one thing , the weather has stayed pretty chilly . I 've been refusing to wear my coat ; I guess I 've been subconsciously willing it to get warmer ! Fortunately I 'm able to get by with just a jacket . When I came back from California on Monday , the ornamental pear trees were blooming along Lexington Avenue near my apartment . In just the few days I was gone the trees turned into soft white clouds . And there are big pink buds on the Japanese magnolia in the back yard - I love it when that tree blooms each year . We also have daffodils blooming in the front flower bed , but only in the sunny part . The daffodils in the shady , cooler areas don 't have flowers yet . Funny how nature interacts that way , with plants growing just a few inches apart on different schedules ! We have tulips coming up too , but they bloom later . It 's futile to feel like I want to hurry things along - nature doesn 't listen to me , after all - but I am SO ready for the change of seasons ! ( Aside : Whenever I think of nature personified , I think of Mother Nature from the old Chiffon margarine commercials . ) ( Photo : Long Island City , Queens , March 2008 ) Every time I go to L . A . , I pass a coffee shop called Pann 's on my way into town from LAX . It 's on a wedge of land between La Cienaga and La Tijera boulevards , with a funky swooping angled roof and a crazily tilted sign . The letters that spell out " Pann 's " come in a font that 's unmistakably ' 50s . As you all know , I love a good diner . So last Thursday , on our way into town , Christopher and I stopped at Pann 's . We sat in one of the maroon vinyl booths and had milkshakes - mine was vanilla with peanut butter and a swirl of chocolate fudge . Mmmmm . . . Pann 's , built in 1956 and designed by the firm of Armet & Davis , is a prime example of the kind of California coffee - shop architecture that was exported to the rest of the country in restaurant chains like Big Boy and Denny 's . Large plate - glass windows , angled roofs , exposed stone and lush plantings all typify this style , chronicled in Alan Hess ' excellent 1985 book " Googie : Fifties coffee shop architecture . " The restaurants evolved this way in California 's warm , sunny car - loving climate . But they seem to work in other parts of the country , too - - and I 'm glad . They 're so futuristic , and yet so yesterday ! Even the tiles in the bathroom at Pann 's are retro . As my friends and I were driving into Palm Springs on Friday , we passed a bar with a big sign out front : " Toucan 's welcomes the ladies for Dinah Shore Weekend ! " Clueless , I read the sign to my friends . They said , " Oh ! Is it Dinah Shore Weekend ? " Dinah Shore Weekend , as it turns out , is a huge lesbian gathering that coincides with a golf tournament named after , you guessed it , Dinah Shore . We had inadvertently stumbled into the middle of a big bunch of partying womyn . Fortunately , we weren 't too visibly clueless , because there were other male stragglers around , too . My friends Jerry and Christopher took me to P . S . as a belated 40th birthday present . We stayed at a gay resort and had a terrific time , even though we have very different traveling styles . Christopher and Jerry like to check in to a hotel and hang around the pool , relaxing and chatting up fellow lodgers . I , on the other hand , like to explore . So some days , while they stayed put , I would go out walking through town , checking out the shops , stopping for coffee and taking photos . Also , I 'm a ridiculously early riser , so I used the morning to sightsee , too . I did a lot of walking and running in Palm Springs , just as I 'd hoped . I really love the area - the climate is beautiful ( at least , at this time of year ) and the mountains provide a dramatic scenic backdrop , always changing with the light through the day . The town itself seems small and manageable , and also relatively affordable , despite its posh reputation . ( Apparently it has experienced explosive growth in recent years . ) There 's lots of beautiful landscaping and desert foliage , and since it 's spring , everything was blooming . And as I mentioned yesterday , Chris and Jerry did make a major concession to my exploring by taking me to Joshua Tree , so I 'm thankful for that ! All in all , I had a great time ! Now I 'm happy to be back in New York , where the trees have bloomed a bit in my absence , but where it 's also unfortunately unseasonably cold . Was I really in a swimming pool just 36 hours aPosted by Well , I made it back from Palm Springs . I landed a few hours ago , and now I 'm getting my life in order before I zip off to work . I 'm not sure I 'll be very productive today , but I 'll give it the old college try . I 'll write more about Palm Springs tomorrow , but suffice to say I had a great time ! The highlight was driving out to Joshua Tree National Park , which is full of amazing vistas and rock formations , as well as the ubiquitous spiny trees that give it its name . It was really stunning , with lots of spring wildflowers . This is the panorama from Keys View , a lookout point over the Coachella Valley . On clear days , Mexico is allegedly visible . This is a Joshua Tree - I 'm pretty sure it is , anyway . ( The yucca looks very similar , apparently . ) This is me being an intrepid rock climber . Nothing fancy - no harnesses or anything like that . Just me scrambling up on top of a big rock ! I 'm off to sunny California today , for a brief vacation in Palm Springs . I 'm flying out in late morning and meeting up with my friends Christopher and Jerry , and we 'll all drive out to the desert together . I 'm hoping to see Joshua Tree National Park , do a bit of running , and just relax in a warm , dry environment for a few days . Woo hoo ! Bob and I went to see " Stop Loss " last night , about soldiers returning from Iraq . It 's kind of a strange movie - - the first 3 / 4 are very moving , with an excellent performance by Ryan Phillippe . It effectively portrays the huge injustices we inflict on our military personnel in Iraq , as well as what life may be like stateside for veterans . But the ending seems a bit slapped together and unconvincing . ( And sadly , there were no parts suitable for Tina Louise . ) After the movie , Bob and I went to the Cheyenne Diner on Ninth Avenue , which sadly is about to close forever . Its last day is Sunday . I had pancakes - an appropriate late - night diner food . Here , for good measure , are a few more photos of the Cheyenne . I don 't think I 'll be blogging from California , so I 'll be back on Monday ! I 'm always amazed when I meet another blogger in person , and I feel like I know them - - even though it 's the first time we 've technically met . That was the case with Gary when I first met him several months ago , and now I can say the same about Kim , who 's visiting New York . She and Gary and I went for a quick drink last night ( VERY quick , since they had to get to a show ) and it was fun to compare notes and see our common " blog mind " in action ! Go bloggers ! I wonder if Tina Louise ever thought about blogging ? ( Photo : Park Avenue , March 2008 ) I was looking at my Google referrals yesterday - it 's amazing how many hits I get from searches for Tina Louise . All because of just one post ! I think I 'm going to mention Tina Louise every day , just to increase my blog traffic . For some reason , when I woke up this morning , this jingle popped into my head . And now I can 't stop singing it . Sometimes I 'm scared of what lives in my brain . I 'm an American living in London with my partner , Dave , and our dog , Olga . My idea of the perfect day is taking a long walk and bringing the camera . I began this blog to show off my photos , but gradually added words to the mix . Now , it 's more or less my daily journal .
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I have to say , I don 't know how single Moms do it . The way your life changes after having a child is profound - both philosophically , but also just the basic every day stuff . Like taking a shower . Or going to the bathroom . It 's hard enough to find time the time and opportunity for me to simply brush my teeth every day and I have a generous , supportive husband . Hats off to you , girls . Having a baby changes a marriage . I think a lot of couples can struggle with that change . And while things between Scott and I are definitely different - I feel like we 're in this super amazing place . This actually came as a surprise to me because we 've always had a very healthy , supportive relationship . But , man . Though I thought I had a firm grasp on what it might take to raise a baby , I really had no idea . And I could not ask for a better partner through all of it . Particularly as I recovered ( and continue to recover ) from my surgery . Hell , DURING my surgery . This is a guy who can 't watch " Grey 's Anatomy " on TV because the blood and guts of the medical show makes him all noodley and grossed out . But he sat right next to me and held my hand as doctors poked around in my insides . That 's love , folks . Always my true counterpart , Scott is what I cannot always be . Patient when I am exasperated . Gentle when I am angry . Rational when I have lost my mind . And funny . Always funny . Because sometimes , all you can do is laugh . There are certainly moments when I wish we had more time for one another . I miss those lazy days together where the only items on the agenda were eat , snuggle , sleep ( and the occasional trip to the bathroom ) . Now it 's diaper changes , feedings , and trips to Target or the grocery store . Most of the errands now fall to Scott . As does the cooking , schlepping , garbage duties and laundry . Domestic bliss , no ? Like I said , having a baby changes things . Over the past two days , the hubs and I have been playing a game of Scrabble on our smartphones . I don 't know why , but I think this is so special . Tender almost . A stolen moment . To know that he 's trying to come up with a word to beat my double word score of BERLIN for 54 points while in the grocery store as I contemplate my next move while rocking a cranky Abbey in my arms . We 're still connected . Always and forever just us two - with baby making three . Since I am a marketer , I 'm very comfortable with the notion of supply and demand . In business terms , I know how it can impact pricing , market competition , brand prestige . But I am struggling with the concept on a personal level these days . And this is where I must insert a disclaimer . This blog is about breastfeeding . I 've put off writing on the subject for as long as I could mostly because I 'm sort of uncomfortable with " letting it hang out " so to speak . But after a lot of thought , I 've come to the realization that you can 't really have a blog about the ups and downs of being a new mom without talking about breastfeeding at some point . And talking about breastfeeding means talking about boobs . That 's right . BEWWBBSS . So , if this subject makes you uncomfortable , or squirmy , or if you don 't think you can look me in the eye again after reading it , I suggest you stop reading now . Okay , then . I 'll start by saying I 'm a fan of breastfeeding . Abbey took to nursing right away , and though we struggled a bit in the beginning with positioning ( a C - section makes finding a comfortable position for mom and baby a little trying ) and latch , Abbey is a pro , and I do enjoy nursing . It 's a special connection . A lovely bond . It 's also pretty awesome that I can make everything that my baby needs nutritionally and give it to her . Nature is cool that way . While breastfeeding is one of the most natural things in the world to do , pumping . . . not so much . Within hours of Abbey being born , my nurses in the hospital had me on the pump . The first time I pumped was in front of my husband . Awkward . Yep , that 's the word that pretty much sums it up . It 's not exactly the sultry picture one would like to impress upon their spouse . But we both got over it pretty quickly . Immediately , however , I became obsessed with my supply . I sent my mother - in - law off to find herbal supplements - contraband in the hospital to be sure - that are known to help boost supply and bring the milk in . I pumped several times a day while in the hospital - sometimes producing , sometimes not . But I stuck with it . I took my fenugreek . Returning home , I drank that Guinness . I believe that all of these measure helped me to build a healthy supply of breast milk . I started stock - piling early . I was so impressed with myself . I would hold up the storage containers full of milk , showing them to Scott . " Look what I can do ! " Then , I got lazy . Not lazy . Tired . All that pumping and nursing is hard work . It makes me hungry . And THIRSTY . And sleepy . And dammit , a nursing mom once in a while needs a freakin ' break . So I stopped pumping and nursed exclusively one day proclaiming that tomorrow , I would pump . But I didn 't . I kept putting it off . For weeks . Until I realized that the end of my maternity leave was looming , the Nanny was starting work , and the baby needed some milk . So , I started pumping every night before bed - just once a day - which would yield just Not necessarily . Not wanting to nurse at every feeding ( at 20 minutes a feeding , that would add up in Nanny pay ) , I decided to try nursing every other feeding , and let the nanny bottle feed when not nursing . When Abbey gets a bottle , I 'll pump . We 'll stick to schedule , I 'll get some nursing time in ( I do love it ) , and all will be well , right ? Not realistic . Because nursing leads to rocking , or diaper changes , or just not wanting to let your baby go . The hand off is tough . And the schedule just didn 't gel . The pumping wasn 't as fruitful , and all of the interruptions made it hard to keep on track with work . Breast milk is all about supply and demand . You have to get it out of the boobs before your body will make more . That means lots of nursing or pumping . The less you do either of these , the less you produce . That 's when I begin to get anxious and panic and questions swirl in my head . Questions like , What if I can 't pump enough ? What if all the bottle feeding causes early weaning ? What if we have to supplement with formula ? What if I can 't get enough time in to pump and my supply decreases ? What if , what if , what if ? And how . How the hell am I going to make this work ? And the answer : I don 't know . As I write this , I 'm pumping . I 'm taking multitasking to a new level . I 've got about three ounces , and I 'm shooting for five . That , plus what I have in the fridge will get us through the day with enough milk for the Nanny 's bottle feedings without having to tap into the stock pile in the freezer - maybe a little extra . I 'm back on the herbs , and the Guinness , and I feel a bit like a cow at the moment . Everything I 've read suggests that you should breast feed your baby for a year . I 'm giving it my best shot . But it ain 't easy . Posted by Yesterday , I woke up to sweet baby chirpings at 5 : 30 am . Earlier than normal . That was okay . I sprung out of bed , swept Abbey up into my arms , and nursed her with tears streaming down my face . After I nursed Abbey , I held her , rocking together for the longest time . I was glad to have an extra stolen moment with her . My husband caught me crying in the nursery with her - not wanting to put her down . Every time I tried , my heart ached and I held her for just a little bit longer . And then the sun came up , and my time ran out . I have to be clear here . I don 't hate my job . I 'm not lazy . I enjoy working . I just enjoy being a Mom more . And the biggest thing is that I don 't want to miss anything . In the three short months that Abbey has been in our lives , she has grown and changed so much . Every day something new happens . Every single day . I don 't want to miss a second of it . How my heart ached yesterday . I do have to say , however , that I worked more efficiently yesterday than I have in . . . well , probably ever . I told myself I 'd be in and out of the office in four hours and I was . I got a lot done in that short amount of time . Everything on my to - do list and a little extra . So , that 's a win . I also have to say that I am really , really grateful that I work for an organization that " gets " how important this early time is with a baby . I got 12 weeks off . I get to work from home almost exclusively for another 12 . Then , I have to commute to work just two days a week permanently thereafter . Oh woe is me , right ? It 's a good set - up . I 'm glad for that . I 'm also glad to have an at - home Nanny . I can swoop in and get all the baby snuggles I want when I need them , and have someone else deal with that poopy diaper . Plus , yesterday , she did laundry , unloaded the dishwasher , and tidied Abbey 's room . All of which frees up a little bit more quality time for me to have with Abbey . And that 's the only cure for a sad , working mother . There is no perfect solution to the " Mommy Wars " as they are called . The battle between working and staying home . This is as close to perfect as I could get . But even so , finding balance and muddling through all the mixed feelings will be a challenge , for sure . Rumors are true , I was in town this past weekend . I was in stealth mode and aside from family , I didn 't see anyone . There was just no way to pack it all in . But I still love you . All of you . I do . Abbey and I took our first trip together to one of my favorite cities ever - and a very special place for her father and I given it 's where we met , fell in love , and got married . We traveled to Washington , DC to meet Uncle Jim , Aunt Val , and cousins Kelsey , Nathaniel and Molly . We were also celebrating my big brother 's milestone 40th birthday . It was a special trip all around . One thing was certainly missing . At the last minute , a pile of work was dumped on Scott and he found himself in a difficult situation and unable to come with us . We were sad . I was angry . Not angry so much at the hubs - not his fault , and he felt horrible - but angry with his employer . But I quickly got over it when I remembered how rarely this kind of thing happens , and how comfortable we live thanks to said employer . We 'll let this one slide . But it does suck all around that Abbey 's Daddy missed her first trip . Huge bummer . Fortunately for Mommy ( brave , brave Mommy ) Abigail was the * perfect * baby all weekend . She did not cry on the plane . She did not cry in the car . She did not cry near or far . In fact the only real tears came at the end of brunch on our last day in town , and that was out of shear exhaustion and lasted all of maybe two minutes . Thank you , sweet daughter , for behaving yourself . This trip also restored my faith in humanity . Even though I made every effort to pack exceptionally light . And I mean Exceptionally . Babies still come with a lot of gear . We had a backpack containing everything for the two of us ( clothes , 2 oz toiletries since we didn 't check bags , baby blankets , toys , breast pump accessories , and a lot of diapers ) , plus Abbey 's diaper bag , 20 ounces of breast milk , a stroller and a car seat . Getting it all through security on my own was tricky . But both coming and going , there were kind fellow travelers - probably parents who had been there - who helped me along . In particular , the folks at Denver 's airport were so kind , offering a warm smile and a pat on the shoulder while saying , " take your time , dear . It 's not a race . " Thank you . Seriously . But mostly , the four star helper on this trip came in the form of an angelic flight attendant from Ireland . How I wish I knew your name . She hooked us up . Extra pillows . Free snacks for a nursing mom . Two huge bottles of water ( dude breast feeding on a plane makes one thirstier than the Sahara ) . She held Abbey and walked her up and down the aisle so I could use the bathroom in peace . She carried the diaper bag . She set up the stroller when we arrived in DC . She was wonderful . So , United Airlines - whoever this flight attendant is who was on the plane from Denver to DC leaving Friday at 11 . 30 am . She 's a keeper . On the plane coming home . By far the best part of the trip , however , was spending some quality time with the family . Abbey 's cousin Molly is deeply in love with baby Abigail . Aunt Val was a trooper and watched Abbey for an afternoon while my brother and I enjoyed ourselves at a Caps game . I rode in his Porsche . Definitely a highlight . We were out and about , the schedule was jostled , but Abbey just rolled with it , with bright wide eyes taking it all in . And on the trip home , we both crashed out together on the plane . While I 'm not exactly eager to do it again anytime soon , the whirlwind trip was certainly a memorable success . This was our first week of letting someone else care for our baby . I 'm not going to lie , it was rough in the beginning . More for me than for Abbey . Abbey is fine . But it 's difficult to watch someone else care for your baby . I was a wee mess of anxiety there for a while - full of worries . Would she take a bottle ? Would she eat enough ? Will she cry the whole time ? Will she nap ? Will the dogs behave themselves ? Will the nanny be attentive ? I 'm happy to report it all went well . There were some bumps along the way the first day . Abbey wasn 't thrilled to be with the nanny when she knew I was around . She wasn 't eager to take a bottle . She wasn 't eating a ton . ( Nothing will send me off to a neurotic spree like thinking my baby isn 't getting enough to eat - how I OBSESS about this kid and how much she 's eating and whether it 's enough . ) But day two was awesome . I mean AWE . SOME . No crying ! A nice long nap ! Plenty of eating ! Tummy time ! Activities ! Singing ! Books ! CLEAN BOTTLES AND COUNTERTOPS ! I had a pretty good one , too . I was only away from Abbey for a few hours at a time , and while it was nice to have a taste of freedom , I missed my girl every minute . I also felt a little bit guilty to be shopping at Nordstrom Rack instead of being with her . The ugly truth is I felt more like myself for the first time in months . Well , the new version of myself . Because everything has changed . I 'm glad for that . I never thought that something would pry me from a sales rack so easily . At the end of the day , after the nanny went home , we enjoyed a wonderful , tear - free night with our little one . I made dinner for the first time in months , giving my husband a needed break after working all week . He got to watch the hockey game uninterrupted . I got to watch my DVR recording of " Grey 's Anatomy " while Abbey napped in my arms . We then enjoyed a restful 9 hours of sleeping baby overnight , and happy smiles this morning . We all got a break from one another yesterday . My worries have pretty much evaporated . I woke up cranky . Now that Abbey is sleeping through the night , I feel even more tired . How is that possible ? I 'm getting 7 - 8 hours of sleep a night , so boo hoo , right ? I think I must be needing some catch - up rest . I didn 't sleep well during the final weeks of my pregnancy and haven 't slept well since . Four months of not a lot of sleep adds up ! I go to bed at night , close my eyes , and next thing I know it 's 5am and Abbey is chirping for breakfast . Usually , I leap out of bed quickly - happy to see my daughter again . This first nursing of the day is often my favorite time with her . She smiles up at me when I pick her up from her crib . She holds my hand while nursing . It 's all pretty sweet and tender . But this morning , I just wasn 't feeling it . I wanted to sleep more . I was having a very good dream . The bed was so warm and comfy . But motherhood called . Luckily , I thought to myself , I can chill after she goes back to sleep . The second favorite part of my mornings now immediately follow that 5am feeding . Abbey goes back to sleep for 2 - 3 hours , I watch The Today Show in bed with coffee , grab a shower , and make the bed . It 's my own personal routine . It 's also the only real " me time " that I get all day . I love it . I need it . I count on having it every morning . It helps keep me together . We nursed , as normal , had a diaper change , and she was giving me all the cues that she was ready to go back to sleep . Unfortunately , every time she drifted off and I put her back in her crib , she woke up . Fussier and crankier each time . I tried all my tricks . The swaddle . The bouncy walk around the room . The " sshhh " . Rocking in the chair . Singing . Different rocking positions . Swaying . No luck . I grew more and more frustrated as my " me time " was waning . I heard Scott get up and head to the shower , so I knew it was after 6am . Then I heard him get out of the shower . Then , the dogs needed to be let out . All the while the sun was gently rising and the room was getting lighter . Before I knew it , my " me time " had vanished and it was already time for Abbey 's next feeding . I would feel like a bad mother for even admitting this , except I also know all parents have been there . At one point , I just had to leave her whining alone in her crib , go into our bedroom and close the door . Just to have a break . It 's not like she was screaming and inconsolable . She just wanted to be held and sleep only in my arms . But I didn 't want that . I wanted that brief amount of time that I need to get myself in a good place to take on the day . So , I left her crying so I could make the bed . Sad , isn 't it ? That 's what I would opt to do instead of soothing my crying child . But she was safe in her crib , and I needed to step away . A few minutes later , I returned to her room , she had calmed herself down a bit , I picked her up and we started over . I nursed her for a while , and then held her looking at her . She was no longer sleepy , but all smiles . I smiled back and bounced her on my lap . For the first time . A sweet little giggle . Looking right at me with a big , gummy grin and bright , shiny eyes . My day had just taken a turn for the better .
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I finally figured it out . I asked Lori and she led me in the right direction . Thanks Lori ! ! ! So here it is . . . . . the much awaited and talked about video of Allie rolling over for the first time . Well if you really want to get technical about it then it 's actually the third but it 's the same day as the first and they were all one right after the other . Posted by I just can 't believe that Allie 's already five months old . Seems as though just yesterday David and I were in the hospital getting ready for her big day . Now she 's here and brought a new kind of joy into our house that I never thought was possible . Don 't get me wrong . . . it 's still as wild and loud here as it ever was but it 's just different having my precious girl here . She 's starting to grab at her feet . . . won 't be any time and she 'll have them in her mouth . She 's talking up a storm ( in her own way of course ) and she has the absolute best laugh in the world ! I would do anything to get that laugh out of her . My sweet precious girl : You have changed my life in these five short months . Hard to believe that just 14 months ago I just knew that your Daddy and I were completely done with babies . . no more for us . The Good Lord had a surprise for us and it was the best ever . Thank you for bringing such joy to my life . . I just can 't wait for what 's to come ! Posted by Caleb is by far the biggest eater out of all my children . He eats and eats and eats ! When it 's time for dinner I will fix all three boys plates and Caleb 's will have the most on it . When everyone else is done at the table . . . Caleb is still there and will stay for approximately 10 more minutes . He loves to eat ! Believe it or not . . . his favorites are veggies . . . he can eat some broccoli like you wouldn 't believe . This picture was taken at Outback when we went for Lucas ' birthday . This is actually towards the end of the meal so his plate was getting empty but you gotta love a baby that eats ! Lucas chose to go bowling for his birthday . First we went to Outback ( his choice ) and then to the bowling alley and back home for cake and presents . He loves cookie cakes so that 's what he wanted for his cake this year . Everyone had a blast bowling . . . Jacob even commented when we got home how he wished he had picked bowling instead of Frankie 's . I never thought I 'd hear that come out of his mouth ! ! Lucas got video games and books for his birthday . . . lots of them . Lucas is an absolute bookworm . . give the boy a book and he can read the day away . Hard to believe he 's eight years old now . . . he reminds me that it won 't be long and he will be ten . I hope that takes a while . . time is going by too fast ! Here 's his cake . Ever had a cookie cake from Great American Cookie Company ? They are sooo yummy so of course I couldn 't argue with him when he said that was what he wanted ! Lucas and Jacob after Lucas opened some of his presents . Caleb and my mom . This is a cute one . . . he was happy after he got the pins down ! Such an adorable smile ! ! Lucas and Jacob at bowling alley . Lucas at bowling alley . . . he got pretty good by the end of it ! Here 's another giveaway at Grosgrain ! ! ! Kathleen does an absolutely fabulous job and is incredibly talented ! I just love her clothes ! ! ! ! Check it out . . . . all you have to do to enter is post a link ! : ) GROSGRAIN MINI STORE OPENING NOVEMBER 6 ! ! ! ! AND BIG PREVIEW GIVEAWAY ! ! ! ! What a job ! We had a great time and it was so nice to get away for a couple of days but there 's nothing like home . Our trip back was just about as eventful as our trip to Gatlinburg . The older kids were wild while Allie just didn 't want to be in the car anymore after three constant days of traveling nonstop . Bless her heart . . . . I think she knew when we were going up and down the mountain and that it was going to take a while . She always seemed to do okay until we were headed back and as soon as we turned off the main road to head back up to the cabin she would cry nonstop . We actually got back home yesterday and she slept like a rock last night . She didn 't sleep very well the entire time we were gone so when she hit her bed last night it was over . Caleb got sick while we were there and of course the other kids will follow suit . I hate how that happens . . . one person can 't get sick around here without everyone else getting it . Caleb was the calmest for the ride back home until we stopped at a KFC and ended up dining with the Clampets . . . . we couldn 't get out of there soon enough . Needless to say when we pulled in the driveway we didn 't leave again for the rest of the day . I have tons of pictures from the weekend but here 's a few of my favorites . I 'll try and go through the rest in the next couple of days . I have a ton of catching up to do on all of your blogs . . . I feel so out of the loop now ! Here 's Caleb and Nendny ( that 's what the kids call her ) . I love to watch him play . . . he 's so funny ! This is Lucas with my dad . Love this picture . . . more to come of them also . . . they had an exciting adventure and a real bonding experience over the weekend ! Here 's Lucas and Jacob at Ripley 's Believe it or Not museum . . . more pictures to come from there too . . . need to touch pics up though . . . haven 't done any of that yet ! Love this picture . . . . sometimes I just sit and watch David with Allie . . . I just love to see how he interacts with her and how much he is visibly taken by her ! Love the absolute adoration he has for her ! We 're in Gatlinburg for the weekend . Most glorious place on earth but it was a long day getting here . We decided last night that we were going to take our time getting out the door this morning so we left about 9 or so . Everyone did pretty good for the trip but nothing is unevenful with four kids . We decided we were going to stop about 1130 to eat lunch and feed Allie so at about 1115 we saw an exit that had a couple of restaurants on it but decided to wait for a couple more minutes and stop at the next one . Needless to say we regretted that decision down the road ! We drove and drove and drove . . . anything and everything that could have gone wrong DID . Lanes were closed and we have trucks in front of us . There was construction going on and cops holding up traffic . Allie started fussing and was getting hungrier by the minute so when we saw the sign for a rest stop we decided we were going to stop and feed her first and then take care of everyone else at the next exit . We came to the rest stop and what do we see . . . CLOSED FOR RENOVATIONS UNTIL JULY 2009 . Needless to say Allie got fed in the car driving . We kept on for about another 30 miles or so and after an hour and fifteen minutes of driving after our original plan to stop at 1130 we got to eat lunch . Caleb was about to go stir crazy . . . Allie needed her space to move and we needed silence ! Many a time today I looked at David and wondered if we were meant to be going to the mountains this weekend . So in the end we are here and settled . Caleb and Allie are in bed . Caleb was absolutely exhausted because he only slept for about 20 minutes in the car and Allie was alittle off schedule today . We 'll venture out tomorrow and look around Gatlinburg . For tonight we are in the most beautiful place on earth . I have told many people before but everytime I come it just reaffirms . . . this is where I want to spend my days ! You have not experienced life until you sit on the porch in a rocking chair in a log cabin in Gatlinburg ! ! ! Just love it ! I 'll try and catch up on everyone in the Posted by This is absolutely one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen . Can you believe this is a giveaway ? I just love it ! ! ! ! Go check it out . . . awesome job ! ! ! Marie - Therese Gown GIVEAWAY ! ! ! ! ! ! ! I love this picture ! This is my stepmom however you will never hear me refer to her as that . When we are all togher ( which believe it or not is often ) I will say Mom and they will both answer . She is as much my mom as my biological mother is . I love them both more than anything in this world ! She came into my life when I was a year old and has been here with me since . During the last few years we have become very close friends . We talk on a daily basis and spend most days chatting through emails . I can 't imagine my life without her in it ! I am so incredibly blessed to have two wonderful mothers in my life that love me as much as they do . . . one that brought me into this world and has been by my side ever since and the other that came into my life by choice and has become such a dear friend and confidante of mine ! I love you mom ! This happened about a week ago but I haven 't had time to post it yet . Allie rolled over . . . she did it about 5 or 6 times the first day and hasn 't done it again since : ) Funny those minds they have . Hard to believe she 's almost 5 months old . Seems like just yesterday we were in the hospital and now she 's rolling over . Lord . . . I wish the first year really lasted 2 or 3 years and then we went on with the toddler stage . I 'm still working on the video . . . I can 't figure out how to post it so pictures will have to do until later . The first time she rolled I didn 't have the camera rolling so I clicked every second . . . sorry . . I can 't get too many pictures of her ! Posted by Yeah ! ! ! I got my first blog bling from Lori over at Teacher turned Mommy . Thanks Lori ! ! ! I am going to pass this along to Amanda at The Family NewsAlicia at My Two B 's and MeTami at Muddlin Thru Motherhood Posted by This was a huge accomplishment . . . to me anyway ! When you go to my dad 's house you get the best sausage gravy that you could imagine . I have always wanted to be able to make it but just knew that I couldn 't . . . I mean there was absolutely no way that I could duplicate that . A couple of weeks ago I decided that I was going to take a stab at it . . what could it hurt . . . I could only fail miserably and then just say that I never tried . I did warn those in my house that it could be the nastiest thing they ever put in their mouths . . but no . . . I got it done and I tasted it and it was simply amazing ! ! ! So yummy ! ! Will never be the same as Dad 's house but there 's nothing like waking up in the morning and having sausage gravy and biscuits in the morning . Just one of the pleasures of living in the south ! Just tidbits for now : * David 's still looking for a job . He did get his old job offered back to him but he has to wait 30 days to go back . He is continuing to look until then and see what he can find . He does have an interview tomorrow morning so please say a prayer for that . * Every child in our house has a cold . Allie started with it yesterday . . . the runny nose and sneezing thing . However she is still such a content baby even with a cold . . . amazes me ! * I started this post 45 minutes ago but folding clothes , feeding a bottle , getting pecan twirls , milk and cereal delayed everything . * We have a conference today for Lucas . Hard to believe the 9 weeks is already among us . How come summers go by so slowly but the school year passes so fast ? Explain that one to me ! This is my Aunt with Allie . We don 't see her very much and believe it or not she doesn 't live very far away . Amazing how we let life get in the way sometimes . I LOVE this picture simply because I have so few of her with my kids ! The other night before I went to bed I walked in to cover Caleb up and this is what I found . Every night when I put him down he takes everything out of his bed and then lays down to go to sleep . . this time however he must of been too tired to get back in ! I picked him up and layed him back down and he didn 't bat an eye . . . think he was tired ? Jacob 's birthday was last weekend . We decided we weren 't going to do huge parties this year so we just made it family . He got to choose where he wanted to go for dinner and then we would go do something he wanted to do before coming back home for cake and presents . He chose Applebee 's ( far from my favorite place . . . but where he chose nevertheless ) so we all went to eat and then took off to Frankie 's . Frankie 's is a local place that has go carts , batting cages , bumper boats and arcade games . Cool place for the kids ! Then we came back to the house for his cake and presents . He wanted a Tony Stewart cake so of course that is what he got . I just wasn 't in the cake making and decorating mood this year . . . decided we were going to buy cakes this time around . He loved his presents . . . he got the new Wow Wow Wubbzy movie from his grandparents ( this child loves Wow Wow Wubbzy . . . it 's on Noggin . . they just now came out with their first movie about three weeks ago and he couldn 't wait to get it ) . He also got a remote control firetruck from his grandmother and a computer and firestation from us . He was happy and had a great night . Now Lucas ' is this weekend . . . don 't think I 'll ever recover ! This is one of my favorites . . . this is my mom and Caleb after they ate cake ! Just love this picture ! ! ! ! I am just now really getting into this coupon thing . I haven 't gotten very good at it yet but am trying really hard . Last night , however I went to CVS . History of this to begin with is that either Jacob or Caleb broke my Swiffer . I honestly don 't remember which one . . . most days they 're one in the same . Anyhow I have wanted to get a new one for a while now but have put it off . I decided a couple of weeks ago I was going to look around and see if I could find a good price or a coupon for one . Well . . in the Sunday paper CVS had them on sale for 7 . 99 so off I went last night after an absolutely horrible day ! ! ! David 's still looking for a job . . . hasn 't found one yet . He got a couple of leads off of yesterday so he 's off for interviews again this morning . Hoping today is more fruitful . In the process of being stressed about the job situation the kids were in " rare " form yesterday . Allie was fussy ( which never happens ) , Caleb didn 't feel good and Jacob and Lucas were horribly behaved . After they went to bed last night I took off for a few rare moments of peace and quiet . Here 's my buy : Swiffer Sweeper Reg 11 . 99 on sale for 7 . 99Swiffer dry cloths refill 32 ct 8 . 79 on sale for 6 . 991 Box of Kleenex Anti Viral ( this wasn 't on sale but had to have for Caleb ) 2 . 292 Pairs of Youth Clogs 9 . 00 a piece . . 90 % off on sale for 1 . 00 a pieceSo I got up to the checkout and my original total was 26 something . . . I had a $ 4 . 00 off $ 20 . 00 and I had 7 . 50 in Extra Bucks so after all my savingsI paid $ 8 . 24 out of pocketI saved $ 39 . 26Plus I got $ 5 . 00 extra bucks for next time since I bought $ 10 in Swiffer products . The clogs . . . were a great buy and I couldn 't pass them up . They aren 't Crocs but they 'll do for playing and such . . . with all my boys I just couldn 't leave without getting them for a mere dollar a piece . So like I said I 'm new at this thing but I was so proud of my deal I just had to show it off . Sorry if I bored you with it ! ! : ) Posted by Amanda over at The Family News posted this . You 're supposed to go to the sixth photo file on your computer and find the sixth picture then post it . Thought it would be neat to go back and see what it was . Try it out ! ! ! It 's kinda cool to go back in time . This is Jacob on Valentine 's Day last year . Horrible picture actually but you can 't cheat , right ? Don 't know why this one was still on there actually . . . guess I never edited or deleted it . Anyhow . . . he was opening his presents and I must of caught him in the middle of saying something . Funny looking : ) Jacob 's birthday was yesterday . As soon as I have time to go through 200 + pictures I will post them . . . ( sometime this weekend ) . Lots of things happened yesterday so I will try to post them all this weekend . We have Lucas ' birthday next Saturday coming up and my moms is today so lots to do for all that . I have a prayer request if you don 't mind . Hubby lost his job yesterday and will begin looking for a new one on Monday . I worry about him finding a job right now in the economy . I don 't worry about his ability technically in what he does however : 1 - things in his field of heating and ac are very slow right now so it might be difficult to find someone hiring 2 - I just don 't think people are hunting for employees right now to hand money out to given the crisis our economy is in . Please pray that he will find something quickly and there won 't be too many roadblocks along the way . acob 's class went on a field trip to the fire station earlier this week . He went to the same station last year but you sure couldn 't tell by the way he acted . He was glued to the fireman and the equipment the entire time . Jacob is absolutely in love with what he calls " heroes " . . . anything firehouse . . . ambulance or police he loves . Can 't make him any happier than that . . . so he was right in his element here . First they did a puppet show and then took them out to show them the firetrucks . His only disappointment was that they didn 't show them the pole this year . Shame on them ! ! ! Posted by We made cookies the other night . Chocolate chip to be exact . . . after all that is the best kind , right ? Caleb helped me . . he loves to help in the kitchen . As a matter of fact he wants to help with anything . He 's a huge help around the house . . . if I 'm unloading the dishwasher he likes to take the plates out and hand them to me ( one by one ) and when I 'm putting clothes up he always have to have something to put up with me . So cute ! I was only able to get a couple of pictures but he was adorable when he was helping and of course he had to taste the cookie dough ( who doesn 't , right ? ) That 's the best part : ) Updated : Thanks Amanda . . . I got it FINALLY only thing is that if I deleted the http : / / then it wouldn 't work however if I left it there then it did . Who knows . . . but it worked ! ! : ) How do you link in your post ? I 've tried but it doesn 't work . Help . . . please ! ! ! ! : P I recently found this blog He will Carry Me and they need your prayers today . Stacy gave birth this morning to Isaac who was on this earth for a precious 16 minutes before he went on to live with Jesus in Heaven . They need your prayers today more than ever . Please join with me in prayer for this amazing family . Feel free to stop by their blog and leave a comment if you would like . I took Allie outside the other day to try and get some pics . As if we don 't have enough of her . . . . that could never happen ! ! ! ! You all know what I mean : ) I got some good pictures of her . . going to try and get all of the kids out sometime soon and see what I can get . For now . . . here she is in all her glory . . Same old thing around here this week . Clothes , clothes and more clothes . Trying to get things ready for winter . . . . cleaning out toys and other junk that 's accumulated around the house in the past few months . Changing seasons is always so incredibly hecitc . . . cleaning out closets , packing things up , buying new stuff , trying everything on . . . . multiply that by 4 and you have an incredible headache ! ! ! David 's birthday was last weekend . Didn 't do anything major . . . just had dinner and cake here and kids gave him presents . Nothing big this year . Lucas and Jacob both have birthdays in the next two weeks so things are getting crazy around here . Fall is extremely full with birthdays . . . back to back for two months almost we have 6 birthdays . Insane two months is what we end up with ! So in the midst of all the craziness . . . hopefully I can survive and get some good pictures and of course we 'll come away with great memories ! Allie loves her swing but everytime I put her in there within five minutes she has scooted her way into position . This is the way she loves to sit in the swing . Looks uncomfortable and I swear if I were to try and do that . . . 1 - I would have a horrible crick in my neck and 2 - I wouldn 't be able to get up . When I walked in the other morning to get Caleb up this is what I found . For some reason he always throws everything out of his bed and scrunches himself up . On this particular morning he had his head under his pillow . . . . I just love to watch him sleep ! Here 's my oldest . . . he 'll be 8 in two weeks . Wow . . . where does the time go ? David took this at my dad 's when we celebrated his birthday over there last weekend . I haven 't even sat down at my computer this week until tonight . I felt like I was missing an old friend . . amazing how much we depends on these things . I have so much to catch up on and I 've missed checking on everyone . Have lots of reading to do ! ! Plan on getting caught up in the next couple of days and posting some more . Got some cute pictures of my mom with the kids in the past week . Don 't get very many of her so these are really special to me ! My kids adore my mom . . . since we live together they spend a lot of time with her . They have a wonderful relationship with her and I truly can not imagine not having her in our lives . She is an amazing person inside and out . Love love love these pics ! Mom with Lucas and CalebMom with JacobMom with Caleb and AllieMom and Allie ( this is like looking at pics of her with me when I was a baby . . . . insane how similar )
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Welcome to the July 2001 Archive . You are welcome to read the entire archive , or find a topic on the list below that is of interest to you . Just click the link , and you will be taken directly to the day it was written . Enjoy , and may you know God 's peace as you read His Word . You are welcome to use these writings or pass them on . All we ask is that in all things you remember the Author and give Him the glory , and remember this vessel which He has used to bring them to you . Peggy Hoppes When writing , I used the New International Version of the Bible . Due to copyright restrictions , I have not included quotes for the scriptures , but highly encourage you to open your own bibles to read the scripture passages for yourselves . Where scripture is quoted , I used the American Standard Version of the Holy Bible which belongs to the public domain . Jealousy Just after college , I spent several years as a retail manager . It was a great job for a single woman but it required long hours . When Bruce and I decided to get married , I considered applying for a transfer to a store near our new home . Instead , I chose to set aside my career goals and focus on my family . Seventy - hour weeks leave no time or energy for developing lasting relationships or raising children . Though I gave up my career , I needed to have a job - if only to keep myself busy . I was going to avoid retail , but one day it just happened . I was purchasing things for our new home at a department store and the manager of the home fashions department hired me on the spot . It was the perfect position for me , part time cashier with opportunities to use my talents in other ways around the department . She was surprised that I was not seeking a management position , but I assured her of my career decisions . I was quite successful at the position , receiving commendations from the store manager and good reports from customers . I enjoyed my job - the hours , the tasks , and the store discount . However , my manager was not comfortable with my presence . She became quite paranoid that I was after her job . She did everything she could to make me miserable . She gave me the lousy hours , often refusing to work the schedule around days I requested off . She assigned me the dirtiest , most difficult tasks - often in the stockroom where I would not be visible to the customers or other store management . Finally she broke a promise she made and I quit . When I left , I reminded her of our original interview and my lack of interest in a management position . I told her how much I loved my job . For months after I stopped working for her , she tried to get me to reconsider but I was pregnant and ready to be a full time wife and mother . There are times in our spiritual journey when people we encounter are afraid of our intentions . At times we are rejected from a fellowship because members are concerned about losing their position . John writes to Gaius in his third letter about a man named Diotrephes . John had sent itinerant preachers to the churches in Asia , but Diotrephes refused to welcome them at his . He wanted to be in control and did everything he could to keep the competition away . He even gossiped maliciously about John his associates . John wrote to Gaius to commend him and exhort him to continue doing what is good . The manager had no reason to be concerned about my intentions . However , her management practices were questionable and it was after I left she realized how much I helped keep her department running smoothly without hurting her career . The early churches were no different than today 's churches - filled with humans who were imperfect in their thought and action . The Apostles sent preachers to help guide the churches and to help them resolve difficult situations . In that age , just like today , some of the leaders of local congregations did not want help . They had selfish desires rather than the desire to share the truth , which is Jesus Christ , with the world . Dear friends , be faithful to our Lord Jesus Christ by sharing hospitality with those who cross your path with a message from God the Father . Be kind to your brethren in Christ , even if they are strangers . They come to you in His name to encourage and edify for the glory of God . Be thankful for the opportunity to share your gifts and receive that which they have to offer and praise God for His grace . Top Ice Cream When my mom was a young adult , she had a job as a soda jerk in an ice cream shoppe . The employees were responsible for making different types of ice cream treats , such as floats and sundaes . It is a fun job but one filled with temptations at every turn . Every time a customer orders your favourite ice cream or asks for some strange concoction , it is tempting to try it for yourself . The benefits of such a job often include eating your fill of the treats while at work . In the beginning many people overindulge on the ice cream , taking advantage of the opportunity . Yet , after a time they get tired of eating so much and they cut back . The managers find that after awhile the employees are no longer tempted to eat every time they serve a customer . By giving the soda jerks the grace to do what they want to do , the manager actually helps them realize that they really do not desire to do those sweets . We are tempted by the things we cannot have , and it can be very difficult to overcome when we constantly face that temptation . Our Father realizes that we face temptation every moment that we walk in this world . He knows how difficult it is for us to walk away from those things that are harmful to our spiritual life . Jesus Christ came in flesh and was tempted so that He could truly identify with the failures of our flesh . However , Jesus did not fall into the temptation , He remained perfect and true to the Word of God no matter what Satan offered Him . His understanding of the grace and mercy of God was so perfect , that He was able to keep from sin . By His death and resurrection , we are forgiven our failures and given the freedom to live in His grace and mercy . Read Romans 6 : 1 - 10 Whenever an ice cream shoppe owner allows such actions from his employees , he does so with the hope that they will be responsible enough to eat with care to their health and his profits . At times , the employees take advantage of the situation and get sick from overindulgence . However , he discovers through this grace the employees who are trustworthy . In Christ , we have the freedom to live in the grace of God . We can certainly go out and overindulge in the temptations of this world , knowing that the blood of Jesus Christ forgives us . Yet , we will continue to suffer the consequences of our sin . By His baptism we are dead to sin , no longer bound to death and the grave . How will you live in that grace ? Will you take advantage of the opportunity to overindulge and get sick from the sin ? Or will you be trustworthy and walk in the light and life of God , glorifying Him every step ? Ram There is a commercial for Mountain Dew that takes place in a beautiful mountain setting . A bottle of Mountain Dew is shown setting on a rock , with a very large ram close by . A young man sees his bottle and becomes quite agitated by the danger to his drink . The narrator tells us that a man will do anything to protect his Dew . The man and the ram go head to head , literally . The first attack sends the man to the ground . He gets back on his feet and they butt heads again . This time , the ram falls to the ground and then walks away from the battle . The man takes a long drink of his soda and his friends ask how he is doing . He says , " Not baaaaad . " Then he stumbles away from the scene . This commercial always makes me laugh ; yet we have to wonder about this man . The point of the commercial is that the Mountain Dew is so valuable that it was worth the risk to the man 's life . Would anyone really risk so much for so little ? In today 's society , we take that risk daily , by desiring the things of this world above the gifts that God has for us . We fight battles in our flesh over things that really should not matter in our lives . We verbally attack others for differences of opinion . We sue whomever we can to get some sort of compensation for situations that are simply absurd and often our own fault . Too often we attack with more than just words - we use fist or some other weapons . We tend to choose our physical battles carefully , steering clear of enemies that are potentially dangerous . What we do not realize is that by fighting any battles of flesh , we risk the greater gift , which is our relationship with God . David was a man of God , seeking His will in all aspects of life . Unfortunately , he was also a man who fought many physical battles against the enemies of Israel . David planned to build a temple for God , and he gathered the materials necessary . However , because David brought much bloodshed to the nation , God refused to allow him to build the temple . The honor was given to his son Solomon . David did not act in obedience to the relationship he had with God ; he acted in flesh rather than according to God 's good and perfect will . The battles we fight for God are not in the flesh , but rather in spirit . Read John 18 : 36 Have you been butting heads with some ram ? What battles have you fought this week ? Are you trying to fight the Satan , our enemy , with things of this world , or do you stand firmly on the Word of God ? When you face opposition , do not fight by butting heads like the guy in the commercial . Rather , fight with your heart and spirit by speaking the words of God 's kingdom - His love , mercy and grace . Thank Him for His strength and protection and walk in the Spirit . God is not asking you to battle with sword , but rather with prayer . Thanks be to God . Fireworks The fourth of July is Independence Day in the United States of America . It is the day we celebrate the work of our founding fathers , the brave men who signed a declaration establishing this land as a free nation . There will be gatherings all around America . Families will host barbeques and swimming parties , towns will throw block parties and carals . In the evening , citizens will gather in stadiums and at lakes to watch large firework presentations . It is an exciting day for everyone to share in the spirit of patriotism and community . For the past few weeks , tents have been raised all over Arkansas and filled with fireworks that people can use for their own smaller displays . These noisemakers and flashes of light are fun and yet can be dangerous ; so many communities have laws against their use . We are not allowed to even use sparklers in our community . A loose spark could set the dry grass and forests ablaze . They are also dangerous to the physical well being of the one lighting these explosives . Throughout the country , people are hurt when the product misfires or they do not follow the instructions . People have lost their hands and eyes to accidents with fireworks every year . Nearby there is a building with a business called " Fireworks World . " This company supplies many of the tent sales , but they are also open for to sell directly to the public . When we moved here to Little Rock , we noticed the building and found it strange that there were never any cars in the parking lot . One day , we noticed that this rather large warehouse actually had a false front ; the building is actually much smaller than it appears . A few weeks ago , we noticed changes around the site and they finally opened for business . They will probably stay open for another week or so , then close again for the year . The manufacturers and merchandisers of fireworks put a great deal of effort into selling their product because they have only a few weeks to sell out their entire supply . They use advertising and every sales method to accomplish their task , including deception . They do not warn about the dangers and they make their business appear larger than life to create in you a desire to buy . Thankfully , there are many sources of information about the dangers of fireworks to help us make responsible decisions about the use of these products . Read 1 John 4 : 1 - 6 Satan is like a fireworks salesman . He doesn 't have much time to sell his product and will do everything he can to make sure it goes . He sells a false idea of God , Jesus Christ and your relationship with Him . He puts a false front on his store and his product is dangerous to your soul . But God has given us the ability to recognize the false prophets and ideas that circulate in this world . Many claim to be Christian , but if they deny the true nature of our Lord Jesus Christ , Immanuel which means ' God with us ' , they are not from God . Enjoy your Fourth of July . Spend time celebrating your history in your community . Whatever you do today , do so responsibly . Carefully follow the instructions included with any fireworks you may use . Be careful not to over indulge in drink , sun or food to the point of endangering yourself or those who cross your path . Most of all carefully discern whether the things you hear are from God and follow His will in all you do . Don 't buy the garbage Satan sells ; believe only the truth of Jesus Christ . Typos It is funny to sit at the computer while visiting an online chat room and watch the conversation as it unfolds on the screen . Dozens of people join in the chat discussing everything from the weather to religion and politics . It is an unusual medium , as everyone is forced to think and type quickly to get their thoughts into the mix . Yet , this fast pace leaves so much room for typographical errors , some of which are very funny . Last night in a room , someone typed ' intervines ' while speaking of God 's active presence in our lives . He meant to use the word ' intervenes ' but the typo was extremely appropriate . Jesus tells us in the book of John that He is the vine and we are the branches . We are to be so fully a part of God that we produce fruit in keeping with that relationship . So , though the writer meant intervenes , it is quite true that God inter - vines with His children , making them a part of His kingdom through His mercy , love and grace and then using them to bless the world . I remember once when we were discussing clothing , I accidentally wrote ' satan ' instead of ' satin . ' It took me months to live down the fact that I wear Satan 's pajamas . Unfortunately , not all typos are so funny . So often , as people enter a chat room and are greeted with a friendly ' hello ' , the writer slips and forgets to add the ' o ' at the end , leaving the visitor disturbed by such an offensive greeting . Other typos are far more dangerous , using words opposite in meaning to the intent and causing division or misunderstanding between people . Usually it is possible to correct the error and bring harmony back to the discussion , but such typos have led to bitter disputes and broken relationships . Some even lead people away from Christ . Read Matthew 12 : 33 - 37 God will not be testing us on our spelling or grammar when we approach His throne of grace . However , He does care about the words we say and their influence on the lives of those around us . Some typos come because we do not take the time to consider our words before we type them on the screen . The medium leaves little room for editing and deep thought . The same sort of errors come out of our mouths when we speak with people face to face , only these verbal typos are not so easy to fix . In a chat room , there is an understanding that looks beyond the typographical errors . However Jesus warns us in this text from Matthew that the words that come out of our mouth , and our fingers in this modern age , show what is in our heart . Think carefully before you speak , and consider the damage that could occur from your words and your misspellings . May every word you type and speak glorify God and expand His kingdom . Thanks be to God . Flag A museum in Connecticut has just unveiled a flag from the mid 19th century . This hand - painted silk Treasury Guard flag had been presented by the Ladies of the Treasury Department in 1864 . It was one of the five flags that hung in President Lincoln 's box at the Ford Theatre on April 14 , 1865 when he was assassinated . The great treasure was found in the cluttered storage area by a librarian who was looking for Civil War memorabilia to use as props for a lecture she was to present . The flag was found in 1998 , yet it took three years to bring it to light . When asked why they did not reveal the flag earlier , the caretakers explained that it took time to prepare the flag and to research its authenticity . The flag was in a case - folded , old and falling apart . It took a conservator weeks to rehydrate the flag and piece it back together . There were legends around the flag , including the story that this was the flag that Lincoln grasped as he fell under the bullet . It seemed hard to believe . After all , how would such a flag end up in Connecticut ? After careful restoration , the flag now hangs in the museum , showing the unusual design of a hand - painted eagle in the center of the blue field surrounded by thirty - four stars . The history of the flag was found to be true . A resident who had inherited this flag , which had passed through several hands over the years , donated it . Now it is an important reminder of the day the president was shot . The flag is not in perfect condition . It is cracked and there are bits missing ; yet it is still incredibly beautiful . So it is with our spiritual lives . Our faith is not always immediately unveiled to the world , but God molds and transforms us while authenticating our story . He reveals Himself to us , and then painstakingly works on our lives until we stand as a testament to His love . Even after that work , we still are not perfect , yet we are a beautiful reminder of God 's grace . Read 1 Corinthians 15 : 9 - 11 Saul had heard the story of Jesus , but did not believe and persecuted the Christians . One day , the Lord revealed Himself to Saul on the road to Damascus . He changed His name to Paul and sent him to into the world to preach and teach the Gospel . The conversion happened quickly with Paul , yet God was still perfecting his life throughout his missionary journeys . Even though Paul worked hard to spread the Good News , he knew it was not his work that made it happen . The silk flag is beautiful , but it is the story behind it that gives it its value . Paul 's life was beautiful , but it is the grace of God in his life that gives it value . In many ways , we are like Paul . God has revealed Himself to us and by His grace we are what we are - His children working in His Kingdom for His glory . It takes time and patience . Though we are not perfect , He has fashioned us so that we will tell the story of His love to the world . Thanks be to God . Underdog " Baby 's Day Out " is a hysterical movie about a child who gets kidnapped from his wealthy home by three bungling criminals . He escapes and crawls around New York getting into the most unusual situations . Meanwhile , the crooks chase him all over town , beaten at every step of the way . At the end of the story , we discover the baby has followed the action of his favourite storybook , and that leads the police to the hideout of the crooks . They are arrested and everyone else lives happily ever after . It is a typical underdog story , where the weaker character is victorious against a bigger and stronger enemy . One of the Bible stories so often taught in Sunday school to our children is the story of David and Goliath . David was the last - born son of Jesse . His brothers were strong and powerful men , but David was small and had fine features . He tended the sheep of the family . Yet out of all the brothers , God chose David to be His anointed . King Saul , the king of Israel , went to war against the Philistines . The Philistines were a mighty army with a champion named Goliath . Goliath was a giant who wore heavy armour and carried substantial weaponry . He came to face the Israelites daily , shouting challenges to the army of Saul . He said , " Choose you a man for you , and let him come down to me . If he be able to fight with me , and kill me , then will we be your servants ; but if I prevail against him , and kill him , then shall ye be our servants , and serve us . " Goliath did this for forty days . Among the ranks of the army of Saul were the three oldest sons of Jesse . David traveled between the battlefield and the flock . He took supplies to the army . While he was in the camp , he heard Goliath shout his challenge and David said , " Who is this uncircumcised Philistine that he should defy the armies of the living God ? " David 's brothers were disturbed by these words from their brother , thinking him to be conceited and desiring only to watch the battle while others suffer under the sword of the enemy . Saul heard of this conversation and called David to his tent . David told Saul that he would face the Philistine . At first Saul rejected the idea , since David was just a young boy . David shared stories of the danger he has faced while guarding the sheep of his father and said , " Jehovah that delivered me out of the paw of the lion , and out of the paw of the bear , he will deliver me out of the hand of this Philistine . So , Saul agreed and fitted David with his own armour and weapons . They were too large for his small frame and he refused to wear them . He carried only his staff and shepherds bad with five smooth stones , and his sling as he approached the giant . Goliath was so offended that the Israelites would send such a small , handsome young man against him . " Am I a dog , that thou comest to me with staves ? " He cursed David and threatened his life . Read 1 Samuel 17 : 45 - 47 As Goliath approached to attack David , he took a stone out of his bag and flung it toward his enemy . The stone hit him and sank into his forehead , knocking him to the ground . David took the Philistine 's sword and killed him , then cut off his head . The Philistines ran from the battlefield in fear because their mighty champion had been destroyed . The Israelites pursued and killed many , then plundered the camp . David won the war for the Israelites , not with mighty weapons or even wise battle plans . David was victorious because he trusted the LORD Almighty and he fought for His glory . What Goliath do you face in your life today ? Trust in God , in the name of Jesus your Lord and know that the battle is His and He has already defeated the enemy . Just like that baby in the movie , you may be pursued by those who desire to harm you , but as you walk in faith following the light of the Word , God will take care of you and stop your enemy from succeeding . Thanks be to God . Donors The downtown area of Little Rock has been undergoing major redevelopment as the city leaders try to bring more people into the shopping district . One of the projects receiving a lot of attention is the presidential library being planned by former President Bill Clinton . He is in the process of collecting donations to fund the $ 200 , 000 , 000 complex near the Arkansas River . Several legal situations have come up since Mr . Clinton left office that have caused legislators to file bills requiring donor lists to be revealed . This sort of questioning occurs whenever such a project is undertaken . Politicians want to be certain that none of the people donating to the cause are doing so to buy political clout or pay for favours during their time in office . The political ramifications of such revelations can be disastrous to the parties involved . Many of the donors would rather remain anonymous to avoid such difficulties . Yet , in many cases , they are quite open with their philanthropic activities . All too often , a wealthy donor will give large amounts of money to a hospital or school so that there will be a building or wing named after them . They inform the media so that they receive full credit for the charitable act . Still , there are many who give financially to support the work of charitable organizations that do want to remain anonymous . They have no desire to broadcast their good works to the world , not because they have something to hide , but rather because they do not need to take credit for their action . A Christian life should be filled with acts of giving - our finances , our time and our lives . Yet , Jesus was very clear about watching our motives for our acts of righteousness . Read Matthew 6 : 1 - 4 Jesus goes on in this chapter to talk about praying and fasting in secret . He is not telling us that no one should see our lives of service to others . He is simply warning us to watch the purpose of our giving , prayer and fasting . Do we want the world to see what good people we are , so we do these things in the open to get credit for our work ? Or , are we serving the Lord by giving ourselves in love to those who are in need ? We don 't need to have a building with our name on it for the world to see what good people we are . We need to walk the Christ - like walk , willingly giving everything we have and everything we are back to God for His glory . They will know we are Christians by our love , and then He will get the credit for our good works . Thanks be to God . Top Big Fish God spoke to Jonah and told him to go to Ninevah to warn the people to repent and turn to the LORD . Jonah did not like the people of Ninevah , for they were his enemies and he wanted them to be destroyed . So , instead of obeying the Word of God , he ran away by hiding on a merchant ship that was going to Tarshish . It is impossible to hide from the LORD and God sent a storm so terrifying that even the sailors were afraid . Jonah knew that God had sent the high waves to rock the boat as a punishment to him for his disobedience . He told the sailors that the storm would stop if they threw him overboard . They did not want to have the blood of a man on their hands , so they tried to row back to shore . They were unable , so cried out to God asking that He not make them accountable for Jonah 's life . Then they threw him over the side of the boat into the raging ocean . The storm stopped and the ocean became calm . They so feared the power of this God of Jonah that they offered Him sacrifice and worshipped Him . Read Jonah 2 : 2 - 9 At this , the fish spit out Jonah and God once again spoke His command for Jonah to go to Ninevah . Reluctantly , Jonah went and preached a message of repentance to the people of Ninevah and they responded immediately by believing God . Even the king tore his royal clothes , put on sackcloth and sat in the dust to mourn . He issued a decree for the city to fast , give up their evil ways and turn to God in the hope that He will forgive their sins and stop the destruction . God had compassion on the people and forgave them . He did not send destruction to Ninevah . Jonah was angry at God for his compassion , and told Him that was the reason he ran to Tarshish . " I knew that you are a gracious and compassionate God , slow to anger and abounding in love , a God who relents from sending calamity . " Jonah asked God to take his life , because even death was better to him than seeing his enemy in the favour of God . Do we ever feel this way ? Who are the people that you would rather see perish than share the message of our Lord Jesus Christ ? How do you run away from God 's command ? God speaks to His children , giving the order to go and preach the Good News to the world . We cannot pick and choose to whom we will preach the words of repentance , we must go and do according to God 's Word . If you try to hide from God , you might just end up like Jonah , in the belly of a big fish . When we do fail to walk as God commands , we can sing songs of thanksgiving knowing that the forgiveness that comes with repentance and commitment to do His work is for us , too . Thanks be to God . Top How do you describe God ? In today 's society , there are many different ideas about the nature of God . So many people are looking to fill the hole in their souls , a hole that can only be filled by the One , True and living God . Yet , if you visit the spiritual section of any secular bookstore , you will find large displays of books that teach different ideas about God , even the belief in many gods . There are religions that make the things of creation - nature , materials or man himself - to be gods . The limited ability of human beings to understand the vast truth about the LORD causes us to look for explanations in the things we can see . But God tells us the Truth in His Word . Read Isaiah 45 : 5 - 7 There is no other God but our God . There is only one way to know Him , and that is through our Lord Jesus Christ . He brought reconciliation between God and His creation , giving us the gift of the Holy Spirit so we can seek His face and understand His nature . He is both big and small - bigger than creation , but small enough to live in our hearts . He is so big that everything must submit to His authority , but He humbled Himself and became flesh so that we could know Him intimately . Unfortunately , in our society many people do not acknowledge Him , embracing their gods of nature , materials and man - made ideas . Yet , He still comes to us , invites us into His life and light by the blood of our Lord Jesus and the power of His Holy Spirit . Thanks be to God . Fire We have been enjoying our summer vacation , which is just about half over . We have filled our time with visitors and activities that are fun . With six more weeks of vacation to fill , I am doing my best to find inexpensive but fun things to keep us busy . Since the temperatures have soared into the 100 's , we need to choose activities that will keep us cool and safe . We found a movie theatre that costs only 50 cents , so yesterday we decided to go see a movie . The theatre is not state of the art and there are very few employees to take care of business , but it is a great way to waste a couple hours in the heat of the day . Unfortunately , our visit yesterday included a bit of an adventure . About 30 minutes into the film , the electricity went out . We were left sitting in the dark in a theatre crowded with children . There were several day care and youth summer programs also visiting the theatre . Though there were adult chaperones , the number was few and the kids were spread out all over the theatre . I told my children to sit patiently for a few moments . I was certain the theatre employees would either fix the problem or announce the cancellation of the show . A teenager pulled out a lighter and started walking around the theatre , shining the flame in the faces of strangers looking for her friends . It was foolish and brought other children into the aisle to act silly in the light of the flame . It should have been a few moments of patient waiting , but it became a time of chaos with children crawling over each other in the dark . We learn as children that we should never play with fire . Though a lighter is small and relatively harmless , we do not know what sort of chaos we can cause if we use it improperly . Read James 3 : 5 - 6 The Bible warns us about watching our words and actions . The words we speak can bring about good things or they can cause chaos . We often differ in our use of the words based on regional and cultural definitions . This can cause division between people when it is simply a misunderstanding . We must be careful about our use of words . Consider the effect something you say may have on someone you love or on the lives of strangers . The small flame of the lighter made the children to get rowdy . One word from you can cause another to feel anger , bitterness and malice - thus causing them to sin . Stop before you speak , think and pray about what to say and always use language that will glorify God . Top Tongue In yesterday 's writing , we looked at the possible chaos and destruction an unbridled tongue can cause . Our words and actions impact the people in our lives , and at times those we do not even know we touch by our speech . Robert Schuller used a legend from the French Revolution to make a point about taming the tongue . " It was during the days of the French Revolution that King Louis XVI and his queen were condemned to death . They were escorted to the guillotine in a public square in Paris and beheaded . Then the frenzied mob called for the prince , the dauphin : ' Bring out the prince , ' they cried . ' He 's next . ' The six - year - old was terrified . According to the storytellers , he stood on the platform trembling in his black velvet coat and patent leather shoes . Long golden curls tumbled down over his shoulders . The mob screamed , ' Down with royalty ! Kill him ! Death to the prince ! ' Suddenly a shout came from the crowd . ' Don 't kill him . You 'll only send his soul to heaven . That 's too good for royalty . I say , turn him over to Meg , the old witch . She 'll teach him filthy words . She 'll teach him to be a sinner . And then , when he dies , his soul will go to hell ! ' So according to the story , that 's what happened . The officials turned the young prince over to old Meg . The vile woman of the back alleys began to teach him dirty words . But every time the woman prompted the prince to be profane he would stubbornly stamp his little feet , clench his fists , declaring , ' I will not say it . I will not say those dirty words . I was born to be a king , and I won 't talk that way ! ' Which is exactly the attitude we should have towards the devil when he tempts us to do the same . " ( Story found in " Self - Esteem " by Robert Schuller . " Read James 3 : 7 - 12 In the story , the prince specifically speaks against using dirty words . But what is profanity ? Is it just the words that you can 't say on television ? No , the definition of profane is anything that shows irreverence and contempt to God and sacred things . God loves His creation , but He has special concern and love for the crown of His creation - man . Anything we do against another man , including the words we speak , shows irreverence and contempt for our God . We cannot curse men and praise God with the same mouth . So today , as you walk in the light of our Lord Jesus Christ , show mercy as your heavenly Father shows mercy . Thanks be to God . Media Last fall a local BBC news reporter interviewed me about an incident in a village near our home . The servers at a pub in the village were donating all their tips to a charity , and Patricia Cornwell gave them a very large tip to support the cause . The reporter 's focus on the story was , " How much do you tip ? " When he interviewed me , I told him that I see these things from a Christian perspective and I felt that her donation was extremely generous and kind - hearted . When I saw the interview on the news that afternoon , the editor had removed every reference to our Lord Jesus . The story gave a false impression of Patricia Cornwell 's intent and American attitudes about money . Not all the media will so flagrantly reject the Gospel for their stories , however . Recently in Little Rock , a very young boy died when he fell from the balcony of a hotel . The hotel manager , who is a Christian , shared his faith with the reporter by asking the people of Arkansas to pray for the family . The reporter was so impressed by his faith that he printed the plea in the newspaper and many have heard the Word of God . Our Lord Jesus has given us the command to go out and make disciples of all nations . We must take every opportunity to share our testimony , even if we are rejected and ignored . We never know when our words will land on good soil , and grow to bear much fruit in this world . We have been sent , but we do not go empty - handed . Jesus prepared His disciples for rejection , and thus He prepares us . Read Luke 10 : 5 - 12 , 16 We should never shy away from the opportunities to share the Gospel , even if our words may be rejected . In this story , Jesus tells His disciples to give the same message to those who hear and those who reject , " The kingdom of God is near . " Though the world may reject us for our love of God , it is actually rejecting God and His love . Jesus ' words give us the confidence to speak , because we know that at times the Word will fall on ears that hear and lives are changed . Thanks be to God . Top Wet The weather here in Arkansas has been hot and humid . The heat is very uncomfortable , so to overcome we have been keeping the doors and windows tightly shut with the air conditioning running . This has been particularly difficult for our cat , Felix . See , Felix is an indoor cat who desperately wants to go outside . He is almost satisfied if he can spend time sitting near an open window , breathing the air and meowing at the birds . Since he has not been able to do that , he has tried very hard to sneak out . Thursday night , a large storm front moved through our area and left behind large quantities of rain . Our yard was like a marshy lake , with deep puddles of water everywhere . The rain brought cooler temperatures and temporary relief from the humidity . We decided to open the windows to get some fresh air circulating through the house . We opened the patio door , but kept the screen door locked . A little while later , Zack came to me and said , " Mom , there is a rip in the screen door . " I went to have a look at the damage , and Felix had pushed the corner of the screen out of the frame and escaped into the yard . He wasn 't difficult to find . He was sitting on the corner of the patio soaking wet and shivering . His brief jaunt into the yard brought unexpected consequence . There are many things that we would like to do in this world . It is tempting to run out the door , away from the safety of our home , to enjoy the freedom we think exists beyond the screen door . Yet , that freedom comes with a price . For Felix , it was wet fur . For us , the wages of sin is death . But through the grace of God and the blood of our Lord Jesus , we are forgiven and have the gift of eternal life . Read Romans 6 : 15 - 23 It may be a few days , but Felix will try to go outside again one day . Yesterday he experienced just one danger that looms . Yet , he still desires to have that freedom he thinks he will have on the other side of the screen door . He does not realize that if he gets too far from home , he could be attacked by a larger animal or hit by a car . We are just like Felix . We want to leave the protection of our home , which is God , to discover the things of the world that will fulfill the desires of our flesh . But as Christians , we have committed ourselves to be slaves in the house of the Lord , obedient to our Master who is God . He has freed us from the bondage of sin and given us the gift of eternal life . Thanks be to God . Answering Machine When I was single , I worked long hours and spent little time at home . I had an answering machine to take any calls that came in my absence . The message was unusual at times , as I made use of music and other creative ideas . There was one particularly fun message that caused so much confusion - I spoke in French . It took a great deal of work to make this message , because I am not fluent in the language , but with a couple years of learning in school and a reference book or two , I was able to write a short , but accurate message . I practiced so that the words would flow off my tongue and finally recorded the message . I seemed to get a higher number of hang - ups with that message , though my friends usually realized it was my phone when they heard my name . The funniest confusion came when Bruce tried to call . It was the early days of our relationship and he was living in England . He was sure that he dialed the right number , but when he got this message in French , he wondered if he had dialed the wrong international dialing code ! My strange message caused so much confusion to my friends and the strangers who called . I decided to change it after I had received several calls from a doctor 's office for a Mrs . Johnson . They left messages for her about test results and appointments , but did not leave a number to return the call . I had no way of informing them that they were using the wrong phone number . Even though I loved that message , I finally realized that it was hurting others . Read Galations 5 : 13 - 15 As we walk in the light of our Lord Jesus , we must always consider our neighbour and how our actions will affect them . Will what we do make another sin ? Will we make them angry or cause them bitterness ? Will we make them feel guilt for doing something they think is wrong ? Will we cause them to overindulge in something such as food or wine ? There are those who lack the understanding and strength to control their response . Someone who is hurt may not be able to control his or her temper . One drop of liquor can cause an alcoholic to overindulge . In all things , be certain that your actions show your love for your neighbour and concern for their well - being . Though you have the freedom to do what you feel is right , do not do anything that will cause another to stumble in thought , word or deed . Love your neighbour as yourself . Thanks be to God . Summer Vacation When I was a kid , I loved summer vacation . I would spend dawn to dusk swimming in our pool or reading under a tree . We played flashlight tag or caught lightning bugs in the dark of the night . It was a time of carefree living with no responsibilities or stress . When I was young , I thought everyone had summer vacation and that I would continue to celebrate the joys of such freedom even as an adult . It did not occur to me that my parents still went to work every day . As I grew older , I realized the foolishness of my dreams . In my teenage years I got summer jobs and no longer had those three months to play . Of course , the dream job for any summer vacation junky is to be a teacher . They still get the three months of freedom to play , don 't they ? Not really . Most teachers spend the summer preparing for the next year , taking continuing education courses , or working a temporary job . Bills still need to be paid and teachers are required to stay informed . Read Psalm 134 Another dream job is that of the minister . After all , a pastor only works one day a week - Sunday when he preaches . During the rest of the week they just praise the Lord . Oh , He may have to read a bible verse or two , maybe visit someone in the hospital , but he certainly doesn 't work more than a few hours a week ! Actually , a pastor 's job is very stressful and extensive . They are on call 24 hours a day , always available to meet the spiritual needs of their congregation . They must also take care of the emotional and at times physical needs of the people . The church has bills that need to be paid and the building needs maintenance . It takes a great deal of work to coordinate the logistics of all the services and other events , such as bulletin preparation and newsletter publication . On top of that , a pastor must stay well read on the issues of the day and must be spiritually healthy to deal with the things that threaten the ministry of the church . He must spend time in prayer , intercessing as well as listening for God 's will . A sermon takes time to prepare , so he must take time daily to read and study the scriptures so that it is written on his heart and is prepared to speak God 's word to the congregation . A minister does not have an easy job . They suffer from stress and burnout quite often because the congregation demands so much and they overextend themselves . Yet , the most important job of a pastor is to minister to the Lord and praise Him . Today let us pray for those who minister in our churches and elsewhere . Take time to relieve your pastor of some task so that he can spend time in prayer , raising his hands in praise and thanksgiving to God forTop Cooking hints I was once baking some of my favourite Christmas cookies , a lightly sweet bread - like cookie with currents . It was when my children were young , and were quite a distraction . When the first batch was baked , I ate one just to be sure they tasted right . It was horrible . After some thought , I realized that I had forgotten to add the sugar . I tried to fix the problem , but at that point it was too late . I needed to throw the whole batch away and begin again . At other times I have made similar mistakes , adding too much salt or forgetting some vital ingredient . It takes practice and concentration to become a good cook , and in the process there will be failures . A bread baker has a particularly complicated job . Yeast is difficult to work with , and the baker must become familiar with each aspect of this ingredient . Since yeast is an active ingredient , a living plant that grows , it must be handled with care . To make yeast work , the baker adds it to water . Other ingredients , such as salt and sugar , cause specific reactions . If conditions are not perfect - the measurements and temperature - the bread will not rise properly or taste right . One of the most common mistakes is using old yeast . Since it is a living organism it is perishable , and old yeast causes problems in the bread . During our walk as Christians , we cross the paths of many types of people . We meet and work with people who are both believers in our Lord Jesus Christ and those who do not believe . We meet Christians with varying perspectives about scripture , salvation , and gifts . Yet , the foundation of our faith rests solely on our Lord Jesus , and we are expected to manifest lives that show this faith to the world . St . Catherine of Sienna said , " To sin is human , but to persist in sin is devilish . " Read 1 Corinthians 5 : 11 - 12 If we keep using yeast improperly , our bread will never be good . So , to with our Christian walk , we must be certain that there is no bad yeast used in the baking process . If you continue to walk in fellowship with those who continue in sin , the world will be given a wrong impression about what it means to be a Christian . Stand firm in Christ , speak against those who claim to be brethren but whose actions are not as God intends . It is good and necessary to have relationships with those outside the faith , for that is the best way to witness the love of God to the world . However , if someone claims to be of Christ but his actions prove otherwise , then you should not be in fellowship with that person . Today 's church is filled with bad yeast , those who are teaching new age ideas , sharing false witness about Christ and stealing the truth from God 's sheep . Learn , discern and obey as God shoTop Traffic Signals There are eight counties in the state of Arkansas that do not have any traffic signals . This week , the number will become seven as one county installs its first stoplight . For most Americans , this concept is unbelievable . We spend so much of our time stuck in traffic and sitting at stoplights waiting for our chance to pass . America has advanced technologically so far so quickly ; it seems impossible that there are still people and places untouched by the hustle bustle of modern living . Yet , there are still areas of our country that don 't have phone and cable service ; there are people who live without electricity and indoor plumbing . As we look around the world , we are fully aware that there are regions that have not yet heard the story of our Lord Jesus Christ . The mission field is vast , though missionaries and the Internet , television and radio take God 's Word to those places closing the window a little bit every day . There are still many who have never heard the Gospel . The people of third world countries , many who live in the East and those who are in Middle Eastern countries , have been denied the opportunity to hear the good news of Christ for many reasons . However , there is a mission field much closer to home that should concern us as much as those far away . It is hard to believe that many in our own country have never had anyone share the Gospel . We all have neighbours , friends and coworkers who do not know the love and forgiveness that comes with a life in Christ . How can it be that we have missed sharing our hope and faith with those we meet every day ? We lack the courage to speak boldly in a society that values tolerance and diversity . No , I 'm not advocating removing the freedom that is the foundation of our Constitution and which our service members have suffered to keep . No , we should not force anyone to become a Christian . However , our Lord Jesus Christ has given us two jobs , " Therefore go and make disciples of all nations , baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit , and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you . " We do this by sharing the Gospel . We need to be aware of those in our lives who need to hear our story and speak with great boldness . Read Acts 4 : 23 - 31 Today , look at your family , your friends , your coworkers and your neighbours and find those who need to hear the Gospel from you . Let us pray together that God will provide us with the gifts necessary to step out in faith and speak boldly about His love and mercy . Ask God today to open to you the opportunity to share your story and your faith with someone , then go out and do so in obedience . Life in the counties of Arkansas that still do not have traffic signals is simpler than our ' hurry , hurry , wait ' lifestyle in the city . People in homes without phone service or cable may have fewer bills and less to worry about . However , in our world there should be none who have never heard about Jesus Christ , and it is our responsibility to share Him today . Thanks be to God . Denominations Pastor Jack Hayford was once quoted as saying , " Yes , we are all a part of the whole body of Christ , but as Israel camped around the Tabernacle in tribes , so we need to , every once in a while , be with our tribe and accept the ministry given to our tribes . " The tribes of Israel began with the sons of Jacob . In Genesis 49 , Jacob blesses his sons , a speech that defined the unique character and fate of each tribe . As the story of Israel unfolds in the Bible , we find that these blessings are true . The descendents of Jacob fulfill the blessings , most notably is the rule of Judah from whom " the scepter will not depart . " Each tribe had a purpose and was given the gifts and personality to fulfill God 's will for them . Together , Israel was complete but they suffered greatly when they were divided . In the later years , there were two kingdoms and two kings . Under this separation , the Israelites were attacked , exiled and dispersed , never to be whole again . The people turned from God , and were left with the consequences of their sin . However , God our Father is merciful and filled with such love that He sent our Lord Jesus Christ to draw His people back to Him . Jesus brought forgiveness and reconciliation that was not possible through the blood of animals sacrificed in the temple . The Jews , in the days of Jesus , were looking for a worldly Messiah , a king who would reunite the Israelites and make them a whole nation once again . However , God 's intent had nothing to do with worldly rule . He desired His people to be reunited with Him , whole and holy as He created them to be . For this purpose , Jesus suffered death on the cross , taking upon Himself the sins of the whole world . He was the perfect sacrificial lamb . This was not enough to complete the redemptive process . God desired that we have more than just a life in this world forgiven of our sin . He wanted us to have a personal relationship with Him , not just for today but for eternity . So , our Lord Jesus Christ was raised from death into new life and we are given the hope of eternal life when we live in Christ by the power of His Holy Spirit . God our Father , who loves us with a love that is beyond our comprehension , binds us - all Christians - together by this gift . Read Ephesians 4 : 1 - 7 The Israelites were bound together by the promise of God in the days of our forefathers . So too are we Christians bound together by a promise . Their promise was for the Promised Land , ours is eternal life . They had the hope that one day they would be one nation under God . Our hope is in Christ . In Israel , each tribe was unique and God used their individuality for His Glory . Christians also have unique personalities and purposes , not only as individuals but also as tribes or denominations . Will we follow the path of Israel and separate by choosing to follow earthly kings or will we rejoice together as we follow the King of Glory ? Today , let us share in that one hope we all confess , the hope of eternal life in Christ . Be at peace with one another and bear with each other in love . Do all things for the glory of the One who loved you so much that He gave everything so that you might have every blessing He desires to give . Thanks be to God . Meetings It seems our church calendars are filled to the brim with meetings that are scheduled to discuss some event or project . There are committees - groups of people chosen to take care of the tasks involved in ministry . Each group has a specific role to play , to keep the church in good working order . Though every denomination is different , many Christian fellowships also have area , regional and national organizations that meet to discuss the issues that affect the church . Locally , churches work together to expand their Christian ministry to the community by sharing the workload . Regions support the work of the local churches in many ways including financial assistance and spiritual direction . The national church establishes guidelines for the local groups to follow , including doctrine and administrative policy . Many of today 's churches seem to run more like political institutions than the body of Christ , and many Christians have chosen to walk away from the mainstream Christian denominations . It is their opinion that the endless meetings and decisions being made have nothing to do with the original state and intent of Christ 's church . Yes , in many ways we have grown too large and have lost the feeling of closeness and family , particularly when controversial issues bring division and anger within the body of Christ . Yet , such decisions have long been a part of the development of the church throughout the ages . Even in the days of the apostles , the Church has met to come to agreements about the direction and teaching of the church . Read Acts 15 : 1 - 11 The assembly quietly listened as Paul and Barnabas described God 's work among the Gentiles . Paul quoted the prophets to substantiate his claims and the council came to an agreement about how to handle the situation . Together , they wrote a letter to the Gentile churches encouraging them to stand firm in the knowledge of the Lord Jesus Christ and to abstain from the things that would turn them from the path of Christ - like living . The meeting was a success and the church established a solid understanding of one difficult issue . There were many who disagreed with the decision , and I can imagine that the debate that day was as heated as many of the discussions under way in today 's Church . During the summer months , many denominations are holding their national assemblies , to make decisions that will affect their churches . Some of the issues being presented are extremely controversial . Reaction to some of the decisions has been disappointment , confusion and anger . Families are being divided and people are separating from their congregations . There is a call from many Christians to bring the Church back to the beginning , to the way of the Apostles , but as we can see they too argued and debated the issues . On this issue of circumcision , it seems that the church came to a full agreement ; Paul and Barnabas stood firm together and convinced their brethren of the truth . Yet , later in the chapter these two men separated from a disagreement about another issue . The same is true of the Church today . We stand in agreement about some things , but we disagree about others . No matter your opinion of the work being done by another denomination , it is my hope that you will stand firm in Christ and pray with your brethren that God 's purpose will be accomplished in the world today . Remember , the tribes may be different but the goal is the same , to glorify God . We are bound together by His Spirit and His love even when we are separated by our opinions . Thanks be to God . Mark The disagreement in yesterday 's story between Paul and Barnabas was about a young man named John Mark . As Christians today , we live and breathe the words written by Paul in his letters to the church , many books of the Bible . Certainly Paul must have been right about the situation , he is the great man of God who converted many to the Way . Barnabas was also a faithful steward of God 's Word , but he wasn 't Paul . John Mark was a young man at the time of the crucifixion . It is generally believed that he was the one described in the Mark 14 : 51 - 52 , " A young man , wearing nothing but a linen garment , was following Jesus . When they seized him , he fled naked , leaving his garment behind . " In Acts 12 , Peter was in prison but an angel came and released him . Many followers of the Way were praying at the home of Mary , John Mark 's mother , when Peter knocked on the door . They did not want to open the door because they were frightened of Herod and the Jews . Yet , a servant girl named Rhonda was certain it was Peter 's voice . " And they said unto her , Thou art mad . But she confidently affirmed that it was even so . And they said , It is his angel . " ( Acts 12 : 15 ) They opened the door and found Peter standing before them , and he described the events , which led to his escape . The guards did not know what happened , so Herod had them killed . After this , John Mark joined Paul and Barnabas on their missionary trip . Barnabas was his cousin and mentor . When they finished their work in Cyprus , John Mark left them to return to Jerusalem . We do not know the reason for his leaving , perhaps he was homesick or was unhappy that Paul became the leader of the team . After the journey was complete , they returned to Jerusalem and spoke before the counsel about circumcision and the Gentiles . They left again , to deliver the message to the churches . Read Acts 15 : 36 - 38 The disagreement was so sharp that they went their separate ways . Mark returned with Barnabas to Cyprus . We do not hear about their journey , since the author of Acts , Luke , traveled with Paul . We can tell from the letters , however , that Paul 's attitude about Mark eventually changes . In the letter to the Colossians Paul writes , " Aristarchus my fellow - prisoner saluteth you , and Mark , the cousin of Barnabas ( touching whom ye received commandments ; if he come unto you , receive him . ) " ( Colossians 4 : 10 ) Then in his second letter to Timothy he writes , " Only Luke is with me . Take Mark , and bring him with thee ; for he is useful to me for ministering . " ( 2 Timothy 4 : 11 ) In the end , Paul realized his mistake and recognized how important Mark was to his ministry and to the work of God . Barnabas knew of Mark 's potential from the beginning and understood that he was just immature and needed nurturing to grow in faith and wisdom . Today , Mark is best known for the Gospel , which he wrote to share the story of our Lord Jesus Christ with Gentiles . Thanks be to God . Uncomfortable It is hot at our house right now . It is very early in the morning and the temperature has already reached 80 degrees . By this afternoon , it will peak over 100 . When the weather is like this , extreme and uncomfortable , it seems to be the only topic of conversation . Yesterday , a cart boy at the Wal - Mart complained about how hot it was , and then grumbled about how they make him do this job all day . I felt bad for him , because I had only been outside for a few moments and I was already suffering under the oppressiveness of the air . As I looked around the parking lot , I could see that there were so many carts that were just abandoned wherever the customer left it . In this hot weather , no one wants to have to push a cart even a few extra feet . This makes the job far more difficult for the young men . The lots are designed with cart corals for many reasons . Loose carts are dangerous because they can roll into cars . They make parking difficult because they block spaces . Yesterday Wal - mart had at least three boys pushing carts in the lot . If the customers were courteous , the store would not need to pay so many boys to do one job . They could be doing something more productive . Despite all this , the hot weather and lack of concern on the part of those who shop at the store , this young man should not have grumbled about his job . He was hired for a specific purpose and no matter the conditions ; he should do his job responsibly . How often do we grumble ? There is a story about a woman who was running errands in her town . She complained at every stop because of there was always some horrible stench . When she returned home , she discovered that she had stepped in something earlier in the day , and it was her that was carrying the smell everywhere she went . Our complaints are either something we cause ourselves , or are something over which we have no control . We waste our time grumbling about these things . Read James 5 : 7 - 9 What sort of complaint do you have today ? Is it about the weather , your neighbour or job ? Do you grumble about the work of God and His slow return ? No matter the conditions around us - for we will suffer under the persecution of the world and the consequences of our actions - we must be patient and continue to do our job as we wait for His time . Most of all let us work together in love of one another , edifying and encouraging our brothers . When a small task on your part can ease the burden of another , such as returning a cart to the coral , do so in the joy and knowledge that you have made a difference . The benefits are many . Thanks be to God . Top Names When I was pregnant with Vicki , I put very little thought into her name . Bruce and I had decided that he would choose a boy 's name and I would choose one for a girl . Since I was absolutely certain the child in my womb was a boy , I did not bother . One night , shortly before she was born , Bruce said to me , " Honey , it could be a girl . " So , I said , " Alright , if the baby is a girl her name will be Victoria Lynn . " Well , it was a good thing I chose a name because one week later , Vicki was born . Historically , as can be found in the scriptures , names mean something . Take for instance the child born to Abraham and Sarah . God had promised that Abraham that he would be the father of many descendents . Many years later , Sarah remained childless and Abraham had fathered a child through Sarah 's servant . Yet , God 's promise was for the two to have children . Three visitors to their camp told Abraham that Sarah would give birth to a child . Sarah , who was standing in the doorway of their tent , laughed . She could not believe in her old age she would receive such a blessing from the Lord . Yet , God is always faithful and His promises are always fulfilled , so soon Sarah gave birth to a child . When he was born he was named Isaac , which means ' he who laughs . ' " And Sarah said , God hath made me to laugh . Every one that heareth will laugh with me . " ( Genesis 21 : 6 ) Sarah once laughed because the idea of her being a mother was ludicrous , but she named her son Isaac because of the joy he brought to her life . Do names really matter ? For a long time , as I studied the scriptures that speak of God 's name , I wondered which name ? Some Christians believe that God has one specific name and others believe that he has hundreds . When we refer to Him with names such as Counselor , King of kings , Lord , Father , or the Almighty , we refer to His character and His position , but are those His names ? Yes , since historically , names mean something - they define the person of whom you speak . This leaves room for the many names of God to be used in prayer - for healing , for hope , for faith . There was a time when my own understanding of faith left much room for the gods of other religions . I felt that we should not reject these names . I wondered if Allah was truly another name of God . Yet , scripture is clear about the name by which we are saved . There is power in the name of Jesus . Read Acts 4 : 8 - 12 I once walked a path of belief that there are many ways to heaven . Yet , the way to eternal life is narrow , and it is through the blood of our Lord Jesus Christ . He is the Christ , our Redeemer , Saviour , Lord , Teacher . He is the King of kings , the Prince of peace , Lamb of God , Light of the world . Our Lord Jesus Christ is the Way , the Truth and the Life . It is by His name we are saved . By His name we have power and authority over the enemy , which is death . The name of Jesus means something . It means healing and eternal life for those who call upon Him . Thanks be to God . Top Reading Zack loves to read , but he loves playing outside even more . At the end of the school year , he told many people about how reading was his favourite hobby and how he was going to read many books over the summer . We signed up for a several reading programmes , one at the library and another at Barnes and Noble Booksellers . With both programmes , the children earn prizes , such as coupons for activities or free books . Yesterday we went to Barnes and Noble to get our latest prize . Zack said to me , " Do we have to do this again , Mom ? " I told him that he needed to keep reading even though the programmes were almost over . He said , " I know , Mom , but I would rather read for fun . " All this time , getting him to read was like pulling teeth because he was working at it . An activity he loved became work because he was trying to earn something . The silly part of this whole story is that he could have , and should have , been reading for fun all along . He took the joy out of it by reading with the wrong attitude . How often do we do that with our Christian walk ? With the reading programmes , the children received something special for doing something they loved to do . Instead of receiving those prizes with a joyful heart for doing that which he loved to do , Zack made it a hard task . For a Christian , good works are the natural manifestation of Christ who dwells in us , working through us for the glory of God . Too often , however , we make our walk with Jesus something difficult and it becomes a chore . We take the simple Gospel message and we make it complicated with our theology and interpretation . We go to church not because we desire to go worship the Lord , but because we have committed to be usher or read the lessons of the day . Read John 6 : 60 - 69 Too often , we do what we do out of an obligation rather than as a response to that which Christ has done for us . Just like Zack , who made a joyful activity be a chore , we take the message of Christ and make it a hard teaching . Jesus tells us that He is the bread of life and all we need do is feed on Him and we will have the promise of eternal life . In prayer , study of the scriptures , partaking of the sacraments and fellowship with other Christians , our life in Christ is renewed and we do His work as a joyful response to His life in us . This is a hard teaching because we try to earn our gifts . Receive this gift ; do not walk from His blessings . Jesus is Lord ; His Word gives life , hope , peace and joy . Thanks be to God . Juggler We went to the Discovery Museum last night for a special performance by Rhys Thomas , a juggler from the Mid - west . He presented a programme called " Up for Grabs , " part of a science circus being held this week . He is a former schoolteacher , and he taught about scientific principles as he performed amazing tricks of juggling and balance . We spent the evening laughing at his jokes , amazed at his talent and we all learned a thing or two about gravity , force and motion . He began juggling when he was just sixteen years old , and over the years he has realized how important these scientific principles are to his act . If he is trying to juggle while standing on a board that is on a cylinder , he needs to know precisely the point in his body that is the center of gravity . He also has to understand the different affects of air , shape and distance on the props he 's juggling . He said , " Juggling is a sport where the juggler competes against gravity . " This is quite difficult for many reasons . Most of all , the concept of gravity is not completely understood by even the most studied and intelligent scientists . They know gravity exists , but are not sure exactly what it is or how it works . They do know that every body has gravity . Mass is drawn to other mass . The larger the mass , the greater the gravitational pull . This is why when you drop a ball it falls to the ground rather than being drawn to you . The largest mass close to us is the earth , so its gravitational pull is far greater than any other body . Rhys is able to perform juggling so well because he understands the scientific concepts involved in his craft . It took study along with practice . The more he understands , the more difficult and amazing the tricks that he can perform . The foundation of his ability , however , is the acceptance of gravity as a fact even though it is not completely understood or visible to the eye . Read Colossians 2 : 1 - 5 There is so much about God that is beyond our understanding . He created the earth , everything in it and even gravity . There are so many scientific principles that we can 't explain we just know they are . God 's thought is so much higher than our simple human brains can know . Yet , even though we can 't see or completely understand things of science we can study and learn to use the concepts for entertainment or to fulfill some purpose . The same can be said about the things of spirit such as faith , miracles and power . We can an should spend time in prayer and study of the scriptures , learning by the Holy Spirit about these concepts so that we can use them to enlarge the kingdom of God and build up the Church and her members . Rhys performs his skill to teach children and adults , so that they will have a better understanding of scientific principles . Paul wrote his letters to the churches that they might have a greater understanding of our Lord Jesus Christ , and walk the life they are called to live using their gifts to praise and worship Him . Today , read the words in the scriptures so that you know the treasures He reveals in His life so that you will walk in truth . Thanks be to God . Why ? Human beings have a tendency to seek the reason or purpose for everything that happens in life . Every child goes through that phase when they ask a million questions . Why is the sky blue ? Why do the leaves fall to the ground in autumn ? Why do lions roar but cats meow ? Why do snowflakes melt when they land on my hand ? These questions are not always easy , but we can usually find an answer and teach a lesson in science or biology with our children by sharing our knowledge . The questions are not always so easy . If they 've had a fight with their best friend they ask , " Why does my friend hate me ? " They often want to understand why the world is as it is , with evil and suffering . " Why are children hungry in Africa ? " " Why are we at war in Kosovo ? " We shouldn 't kid ourselves by thinking they are not aware of these events that affect our lives . They are afraid , hurt or curious about the same things we watch as adults . They want an answer to their problems because it is the only way they can stop being afraid , hurt or curious . As we grow older , we begin to realize that there are simply some things that do have acceptable answers . Some things happen in our world because of sin . The consequence of sin is suffering and pain . It ultimately leads to death . When someone we know dies , we want an answer to the question , " Why ? " Sometimes it seems easy to answer , " She was old and lived a long life . " " He did not take care of his body and it finally gave out . " Other times it is more tragic , such as when a young mother is killed in an accident or a young child dies in his sleep . Yet , death was never part of God 's plan . In the Garden of Eden , Adam and Eve disobeyed God broke the intimate bond that He intended to be eternal . They were put out of the garden so that they could never eat of the tree of life or else they would live forever in that state . We cannot and should not live forever separated from God . The world and those in it accept death as final , and they live to satisfy their present desires . They do everything they can to continue and enjoy life in the flesh because there is no reason to look beyond it . More people than I can count have asked me , " Why are you a Christian ? " Also , " Why do you bother going to church ? " To them , I am wasting my time praying , worshiping and praising God . I have looked back over my own life and the times I 've asked the same questions . " Why is there suffering ? " " Why did my mother die ? " I come back to the same answer , over and over again . Read John 3 : 16 Why am I a Christian ? Because in the end , when there are no more questions to be asked and I have to face the final enemy , which is death , I know that I have eternal life waiting for me beyond that moment . Thanks to the work of my Saviour Jesus Christ , death is not final ; it is a passing from separation from God into the permanent intimate relationship I was created to have with Him . Why do I go to church ? Because I am so thankful for the promise of God in Christ Jesus that I desire to join in heart , spirit and voice with others as we worship and praise God for His love . Thanks be to God . Psychics The television is filled with advertisements for many things , from bread and orange juice , and from lawyers and medical supplies . Some commercials are fun and make us laugh . Others are disturbing . Some of the most annoying commercials are those for the psychics . Perhaps I am simply biased against such foolishness , but one woman in particular bothers me . There is one psychic who reads Tarot cards . People call in and ask her questions , which she answers by reading the cards . The commercials show a typical conversation between her and one of her callers . During the discussion , she reveals deeper aspects of the problem , such as another boyfriend or a past event , which has affected the situation . These are supposedly things revealed to her by the cards that are meant to show how gifted she is . I heard a news report the other day about the network for whom this psychic works . They have been billing clients who have not actually used their service . Many of the people who received these bills were no longer living . The reporter who told this story said , " You would think they would know that . " These psychics and their activities never really bothered me , after all I know that God is far more powerful than any spirits used for such foolishness . There was even periods of my life when I wondered about the validity of astrology , numerology and other such beliefs . There is enough truth in what those who practice these disciplines say to make it sound true . However , there is danger to following the words of those who do not seek the Lord . The biggest danger is that you may lead another down a wrong path . Read 1 Corinthians 8 : 1 - 13 God our Father created human beings with a spirit that is in His image . Unfortunately , our society no longer seeks to understand the spiritual nature and we spend most of our time chasing after the things that fulfill the needs of our flesh . Our spirit continues to long to be filled with things of the spirit , so we are left with an empty feeling . In today 's world , there are many who are offering things to fill this hole - tarot readers and other psychics , astrology and many religions . There are those who sell magic potions , crystals and other objects to help guide our spiritual lives . The bookstores are filled with racks of books teaching these disciplines . On the surface , these things seem harmless . Yet , the meat of idols we find in today 's society are these very things - the books , rocks and readings from people who do not follow the Lord . Though they may not hurt our firm foundation in Christ , we do not know how firm the foundation is for others in Christ . They may see our use of such foolishness and think it is fine for a Christian to believe . Remember your brother in whatever you do . Even if you are strong enough to put psychics in their proper place , avoid them altogether for the sake of those who are weak . Keep your hearts and mind in Christ Jesus , and you 'll need nothing else . Thanks be to God . Stalker There was a story on the news the other day about a court session being held to hear the case of a stalker . He was in love with his victim and she was fighting to be freed from the harassment . The man represented himself so was the one who questioned the witnesses . When the young lady was on the stand , he pounded her with questions . She became quite upset through the session , more and more angry at every question . During the line of questioning , he was convinced her anger was passion and he was certain of her love for him . He pulled a $ 5000 diamond engagement ring out of his pocket and asked her to marry him . This case is an incredible example of foolishness and blindness to the truth . The man was being tried because this woman had rejected him , most likely numerous times . He never took the hint , even though the hint was quite direct and included legal action against him . This is certainly not an act of love , but of the unfulfilled desires of flesh causing a man to see life from a crooked perspective . What does this story have to do with our Christian life ? After all , a Christian would not be a stalker . We do not treat people with such contempt . Yet , I have seen this happen , though in slightly different settings . Take , for example , discussions between Christians about issue of faith and doctrine . I have watched Christians pound each other with questions until they are hurt , upset or angry . I have participated in this myself . In the end , it is almost like someone thrusts a ' diamond ring ' in the face of another and asks , " Are you going to be a Christian now ? " Read James 4 : 1 - 6 The man needed to humble himself before the court and accept responsibility for his actions . Instead , he saw the events as running in his favour and tried to force a woman to accept the inevitable - that she would be his . When we are in fellowship with other Christians , particularly when we are trying to encourage and teach Christ - like living , we have to recognize when we are not doing so in the love and grace of God . We must learn when to back off if our discussions are based on our own flesh desires rather than the Word . The truth is not defined by the one who wins the battle ; it is defined by our Lord Jesus Christ . Speak the Word , by the power of God 's Holy Spirit and then let it go . Don 't follow the desires of your flesh to ' win ' , instead humble yourself before God and the truth will always win . Thanks be to God . Top Bored As summer vacation continues , there comes moments in the day when the children start doing things that , quite frankly , drive me up the wall . Vicki begs Zack to play a game that he doesn 't want to play , so they begin to argue . Zack starts bouncing around the house making strange noises , which gives us all a headache . They lie around and watch cartoons for hours . It is so easy to say , " Stop it ! " or " Go do something ! " Yet , those commands rarely do any good . First of all , they don 't really know what I 'm asking them to stop doing . To them , the bickering , noise making and lying around are all there is to do , so they can 't stop . They need some direction , some suggestions of things they can do to keep their minds and bodies active . When they are beginning to drive me crazy , I find a project or task for them to accomplish . This gives them something to do and distracts them from their current direction . At times it is chores , like helping me with laundry or cleaning their rooms . At other times we pull out a craft project or a game . When someone is moving in the wrong direction , it isn 't enough to tell him or her to stop . We must give positive direction by suggesting ways to do the right thing . In yesterday 's scripture lesson , James told us how wrong it is to be a friend with the world . In that relationship , we fulfill our selfish desires and are separated from God . The lesson was about pride . James does not leave us hanging , however . He goes on to tell us how we should turn around our actions to live in the grace so freely offered by God . Read James 4 : 7 - 10 James gives us ten commands in the scripture that call for immediate action to destroy the pride we have in our lives . Throughout the next week or so , we will look at these ten commands and apply them to our lives in this world . Instead of just saying , " Do not do this , " we will find ways in scripture to do the right thing and live our lives in humble submission to God our Father in Jesus ' name . God desires that we serve Him with our whole selves . We must be ready vessels so that He can work through our lives . We cannot harbour the attitudes of the world and still be friends with God . " God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble . " He will block our actions if we become too self - centered and proud . But He also gives us the right direction to live in His grace . Thanks be to God . Discipline One of the most difficult things a parent faces is learning how to discipline a child . It takes time , practice and patience to choose the proper methods for guiding our children into the right path . Unfortunately , many people define the word discipline as punishment . I wrote a poem called " The Hand " which included this stanza : A friend wrote in response to this poem , asking if I could remove this stanza , that she is offended by the use of physical violence against children . Yet , the poem doesn 't mention hitting at all . Discipline is defined as " training expected to produce a specific type or pattern of behavior , esp . training that produces moral or mental improvement . " Discipline includes instruction , encouragement , rules , firm guidance , high expectation and established goals . It also includes punishment , which is not necessarily a physical act of hitting or subduing the child . The reason it is difficult for human parents to learn the proper methods of discipline is because we do not always do so in love . Anger , frustration , pride and discouragement get in our way , and we turn to the wrong methods such as violence and verbal abuse . However , God is perfect in all His ways , and He does know how to discipline His children . He does not allow more than we can endure , and He does not suffer from the foolish human reactions to disobedience and failure . Discipline is never easy . We do not like learning the lessons of faith because they go against everything our flesh desires , yet we must submit to God . Read Hebrews 12 : 7 - 11 The first command James gives us is to submit to the work of God in our lives . This work will guide and mold us to be who we are created to be . This discipline , which includes positive reinforcement as well as punishment , is brought about by God 's love for us , His children . It is not easy to endure the times of suffering and pain , yet God has promised to never leave or forsake us . We must trust His presence and have faith that He will produce the fruit of righteousness in our lives . Thanks be to God . Satan Some friends were holding a Bible study in a public chat on the Internet several nights ago when a stranger joined the group . He greeted the group and wondered if he could ask some questions unrelated to the study . The group welcomed him and his questions . He began by asking , " If Lucifer is God 's most beautiful angel , where did the horns and pitchfork come from ? " This shocked and upset the members of the group but one member answered that they were talking about God , not Lucifer . This visitor became upset and left in a huff . The feeling about this visitor was that either he was a Satanist causing a disruption to the study or some kid playing games . As he left , he tried to make everyone feel bad for not taking up his challenge , as if he was a person asking a very genuine question . Yet , my friend was certain that if he had been allowed to continue , he would have manipulated the group and destroyed the study . The visit brought up an interesting question . How did Satan become a foolish looking creature ? Our image of this being of evil is some dude wearing red tights , with horns and a tail . He seems more like a myth or legend than a very real force in this world . Many Christians even laugh at the mention of his name , because they no longer believe he exists . He certainly has this world fooled , doesn 't he ? Read 1 Peter 5 : 8 - 9 Satan doesn 't devour people by eating them or causing them to do horrible evil things . Rather , he roams the world looking for people who can be manipulated away from the word of God . It doesn 't take much ; just a slight twist of the truth sets us on the wrong path . He tries to convince us that he doesn 't exist , and that it 's ok to do things we know we should not do . There are many things that are acceptable in our society that the Lord has warned us to avoid . Satan 's job is to tempt us to do those things . He doesn 't do it by force , but by manipulation . James tells us to resist the devil and he will flee . The visitor to the Bible study did flee when he was resisted . He did not leave quietly , trying until the last moment to instill feelings that are inappropriate for Christians . Yet , the group stood firm in their faith and told him to leave . We should listen carefully to inspired words of Peter , to be self - controlled and alert . Satan is here , and the closer you are to the Lord , the more he will seek to devour you . Resist all his temptations and stand firm in your faith in Jesus Christ . Thanks be to God .
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Time just seems to get away from me . This is always the craziest time of year for me . Working full time at the US Postal Service takes over my life . Mail is overwhelming , and my family comes and stays at my house several days and weeks starting with Thanksgiving . This year we had 6 dogs at the house , my 3 , Bullwinkle , Rocky and Scooby , my daughters 's two , Louie and Zoe , and my son 's new puppy , Moto , 8 months old . Baby , great grandma 's , kids and dogs it was a zoo at my house . To say the least I am blessed by a household of family ! After Thanksgiving , I attended my granddaughter 's first birthday , ALREADY ! The year went by so fast and even attended my first Hanukkah dinner at my daughter 's in - laws house . It was really fun and the food scrumptious ! Through all this I have gotten behind on my artist committments . One is this pet portrait of Murphy . It is about 90 % done and I will finish it at the gallery this Sunday . Here I show the original photo given to me and then the almost finished painting . Murphy was the beloved dog of my daughter 's friend . This is a gift to her husband for Christmas . Of course Christmas is only 9 days away ! I will also have to work on Robert 's mom portrait . His dad pic is done except for one correction I have to make to his chin . I will post all the finished pics next week . Next year I think I will dedicate some more time to the study of painting . I have several dvd 's to work on that are workshops in painting figurative and portrait painting like the old masters . I also would like to devote more time to drawing and the study of anatomy . I have purchased some good books by artists on anatomy . The more you study your craft the more accurate and easier your art becomes . Life is a continuing learning process . I wish to improve my art and expand the way I paint . The more I understand others painting technique the better I can become . Everyone can teach you something different . I have also been in charge of the High Spring Art Coop blog so some of the latest things happening with the coop gallery can Posted by It has been so crazy since Thornebrook Art Festival . The festival was great , I sold two paintings and other small stuff . " On the Way Home " sold to a lovely couple from Gainesville . You can see that painting on my website , www . tinacorbett . com . So the shows sales are improving and it looks like the ecomony is on the way up , finally . I saw more people buying art than other shows in the past few years . The weather was breathtaking here in Northern Florida and it looks like fall season is beginning . I am now working on two commissions and a charity fund raiser . The second portrait commission from my friend Robert is in progress , I am painting his mother . The photo he gave me is very old and I have to improvise on the skin color for his mom . I have to draw on my personal family history . Robert is hispanic and so his mother looks as if her skin color is a light olive tone . You can follow along with the progress on this painting . It is only in the first phase of painting . I am also working on doing the Melrose Palm tree again . I sold the one at the Coop and now I have a customer who wants to buy that painting from Vero Beach and I am painting it again you can view the other painting sold on my website also . The fund raiser is from the town of Newberry , which is down the road , south of High Springs . They are trying to build their Main Street program and have gotten local businesses to sponsor artists to paint old chairs to be auctioned off to raise money for their program . Several of us , coop artists are participating . My chair is a " Country Harvest " theme . Check it out ! Don 't have a lot of time but friends wanted to see the progress of the last two paintings . Both were finished tonight but I don 't have any updated photos . These photos were taken a week ago and much improvement has been done to both paintings . The first is the large painting , " Needle in a Haystack " and the other is the picture our friend , Michelle took in Key Largo , Florida of a friendly Egret , they called him , " Artoneous " , so that is the name of the painting too . I photographed the portrait commission I call " Robert 's Dad " the colors online are not as accurate as they actually look . I am not sure I like the background it has been changed so many times . I am going to show it to Robert and see what he thinks . I was going to add a subtle American flag draping downward in the background . I will talk with Robert and then decide . I am also ready to place my Central Park picture I named " Crossing in the Park " on my website for sale . Things are coming together for the Thornebrook Art Festival on Oct . 1 , 2 , and 3 . I will post the pics of Florida Keys bird and the over sized Haystack during the week . Spending the day at the High Springs Art CoOp I got a lot of painting done and met some very nice customers . The end of the day let loose with a deluge of rain so I couldn 't take pics of the work I was doing . I will go back there during the week with my camera . Scooby and Bullwinkle taking life easy . Getting ready for the festival at Thornebrook , Oct 1 , 2 and 3 . I finished " Crossing at the Park " , the pic of Central Park and " When we were young " the pic of Heather and Courtney . There is still so much to do . Prints and labels , I already ordered more business cards and framed all the paintings done except for the park pic , but I just ordered a frame from ASW , Art Supply Warehouse . They have the best prices . If you need art supplies check them out they are great . One price for shipping and they arrive very quickly ! I haven 't posted the portrait I have been doing because I am unhappy with the background I will post all the new pics next week . So I started a big haystack pic and this one from the Florida Keys . My friend Michelle took this picture while vacationing in Key Largo . I loved it and so here is the beginning layout . More soon ! Everyone should have a dog 's life . At least my dogs . Bullwinkle 's usual position on my leather couch ! I had to post this pic of him . He looks so relaxed . I will take all the boys for a walk later and will try to put up more pics of the boys , Rocky , Bullwinkle and Scooby . They are so blessed . Yesterday we saw this dog in front of the house he was sooo sad . He was severely skinny and his hind leg was tucked under him as if broken . He hobbled into the woods . I tried to coax him to come to me with food but he looked back at me and continued on . He looked about medium size and maybe had Pit Bull in him . I would have been careful in case he was aggressive but I was hoping he would come and eat . If I got him into the back yard I would have tried to get a Pit Bull rescue group to take him . Lord knows I don 't need another dog but I wish I could have helped him . He disappeared and his sad eyes are emblazoned in my memory forever . Painting update ; I am just about finished the The Bridge pic of Central Park in New York City . I am really enjoying painting this one . It is very big for me but I like the values . I gravitate to warm colors . You can compare the progress with the previous posts . Another great day at the High Springs Art CoOp . Customers were a little scarce perhaps because summer in winding down and people are preparing for school next week . Not too many strollers and shoppers in High Springs today . August has been slow and the record high temperatures may be the cause . Although I heard our " Artist of the Month " reception at the coop , two weeks ago was a great success with about 200 people . I was down south visiting my granddaughter . I got lots of painting done as you can see if you compare the pics of these two paintings from last week to this week . The Central Park picture is coming along nicely and I think I will call it " The Bridge . " Unless someone can comment with a better name . Give me a suggestion and if I pic it I will send you a notecard , free by mail ! The other painting of fisheating Creek is giving me a bit of trouble on the tiny faces of Heather and Courtney . I will let it dry some and then work on it again . Both paintings still need work . Talk with you again soon ! We have recently come back from vacation in Williamsburg , Va . , and I need to get back to painting . These two pics I started before I left , the left one is roughly laid out of a large version of my Central Park pic . I had done that as a miniature and our cousin , Daphne , purchased it several months ago . The other one is almost done of Fisheating Creek in Florida . It is a pic of my daughter and her friend fishing at the campout , soon to be a part of my figurative art collection . After some errands yesterday I started 2 more pics , I will post later . I have to finish Roberts portrait commission . There is only some details to do on the portrait . I did get excepted to the Thornebrook Art Festival in Gainesville , Fl the first weekend of Oct . I will give more details on that later . So lots of work to do to have some new work for the show ! For the past two weeks I haven 't done any painting . The Fourth of July was spent with family and watching great fireworks in Alachua . This weekend was my birthday weekend and my family gave me a great weekend . My daughter , granddaughter , my sons , my husband , and a surprise visit from my cousin from New Jersey made a fabulous celebration . We ate lots of good and fattening food and finished on Sunday with a fun day at Blue Springs Park . I took lots of possible pics for future paintings . On my website , www . tinacorbett . com you can see the two paintings I have done of Blue Springs in the past . Here are some cool scenes from the weekend . Dillon and Heather jumping off the pier at Blue Springs . The water was really cold even if the day was so hot ! For the past couple of weeks I have been working on a commissioned portrait from my friend , Robert . He asked me to do his mom and his dad . Both photos are very old , of his parents . The pic of his dad is in better shape so I chose to do that one first . It is much easier to see . I thought it would be interesting to see it 's progression . Remember these first photos were first weeks work and I have worked on it several times since these photos . I will post the newest photos during the week . I forgot to bring my camera to the gallery today . Plus I worked on an old painting of my son , improving the values of that painting and a few others that were bothering me when I looked at them . It is funny as an artist and I am sure other artist 's feel the same , a painting is never finished . You can work on it forever ! The first pic is the original photo of his dad , and then I show them at the High Spring Art Co - Op gallery as they are progressing . I finally finished this painting . I painted it at the High Springs Co - Op and it is available and hanging there . You can see it on my website , www . tinacorbett . com . This was the picture I put together . Diamond our quarter horse was looking at Scooby and I when we were doing one of our daily walks . Scooby , our Great Dane , checked her out but he was not that friendly because on another day he actually stuck his head through the fence and tried to nip at her belly . Not smart on his part . She got upset and started to kick almost hitting the fence . I reprimanded Scooby hoping he will learn that biting the horse is definately not smart and dangerous . I really don 't want him to learn the hard way if Diamond ever gets the opportunity to nail him with a kick . So my time at LaCrosse Post Office comes to an end . this week I go back to Alachua , the detailed position has run its course , four months . I have come to realize how much I have gained being here in this small town . When I first came here the town appeared ragged and small , and the people perhaps a little strange . Now my eyes see it with affection , as a lovely untouched spot in this busy world . The people sweet , each with a story . The elderly lady in her 90 's with a lovely smile , pleasant conversation , and dressed in her pastel cotton dresses ; she drives her Chrysler every day to pick up her mail . I miss her when she doesn 't come because I know she 's not feeling well . The little ladies that come in every week to pay their bills , a mobile veterinarian , a few local Hare Krishna 's who mail their little packages overseas , always kind , bringing me homemade cookies . I 've gotten to know the daily customers from the Radio supply company across the street , that keep this little post office open with their big mailings , like an old friend . In a short , spring season a pleasant life was created here . My lunchtime walks through town are the highlight of my day . You actually can smell the blooming flowers which grow wild amongst the overgrown trees and weeds that line the streets . It is amazing . The rusted tin roofs of the houses , the missing jalousie windows , the makeshift curtain of a confederate flag that makes for a garage door , these are my sights as I walk . The little green house with the fabulous flower garden and the house that sells the earth worms . The lonely horses , roosters , dogs , that live along the route . Even though State Road 121 , a major country road for tractor trailers is a block away , the area still has that rural charm . The old beat - up cars and trailers in the back yards may look bleak to some but to me it shows that a story was once here . This old post office building is owned by a lovely white haired woman who was postmaster for over 30 years here . She always comes in with lots of spunk and has hPosted by Sorry I haven 't posted this sooner . My husband and I spent Memorial Day checking out a local site . I had often heard of many fellow artist 's speak of Paynes Prairie and saw their beautiful paintings of the many animals and plants that reside there . I have been wanting to go there since we moved here . We found the trail off of St . Rd . 441 just north of Micanopy . The sign said it was 2 1 / 2 miles long and that the prairie is 170 acres . I knew you could see wild horses and buffalo I just never knew how really " free " they were . It was a little intimidating . They just walk where you walk . Jay and I made it through the horses to the look out tower . You can see the massive prairie spread out on all sides , it is lovely . Just as we got up there I said " I wish I could see Buffalo . " Out of the bushes come two huge guys . They looked so hairy and hot ! Quite amazing . Then it was time to leave , which meant we had to walk from whence we came , but there were those buffalo . I asked Jay , " Are buffalo dangerous ? " I had no clue and knew nothing about them except that the Indians once depended on them and they lived out west . Jay decided to start walking back and I said " what happens if something happens to you " , he just said " use you cell to call for help . " Great ! After I saw that they moved into the bushes when he got close and safely walked past I followed . Though I did see them eyeballing me through the bushes . By then I was hot , starving and forgot water so I was barely able to trot the 1 1 / 2 miles back to the car . It was a very cool experience . Last Friday night we had a fun time at the auction in High Springs . Lots of people bid on many treasures . I won three items , a pen and ink , Schooner from Bob Dunn , a watercolor abstract from Tina Prizament and a watercolor print from Ron Baughn . I was outbid for a watercolor painting by Diana Fava that I really liked of a parakeet in an adorable position . Here are the three miniature paintings I did for the event . These photos are not too good since I took them at the last moment and not with my best camera . Some friends came and won some cool stuff . My buddy , Rhoda and her daughter fiercely bid . Rhoda won my " Squirrel " painting and her daughter won my " White House . " The squirrel was one of the ones I painted from those pics I took at LaCrosse Post Office when I first went to work there . The last pic is of a flower bush in St . Augustine at the historic site for the Fountain of Youth . High Springs artist , John Sterpe , won that one . They were small 4 " x 6 " miniatures with little table easils . You can see more miniatures on my website , tinacorbett . com Recently entered in the Gainesville Fine Arts Association Summer Art Show . It is being held at the Central Medical Plaza on Newberry Road in Gainesville , Florida . Anyone can view the exhibit in the Medical Plaza . These two are my entries . The portrait of " Scooby " and " Grandpa and Me " . With the Pet Portrait of " Scooby " I worked to portray Scooby 's amazing expressive face . It is hard to imagine only a year ago we rescued him from being taken to the pound and destroyed . With " Grandpa and Me " , I am doing more figurative art because the subject matter always tells a story . This pair was taken on Daytona Beach last year when my family vacationed there . It was a very poignant scene of two generations sharing this moment . These are a few more drawings . The cowboy was from one of the newspapers and the I took this pic of the cow at Morningside Nature Center in Gainesville , last year . And of course you all know Bullwinkle . Here he is in his favorite chair . He always lays there when I am on the computer . He used to fit on the lounge chair as a puppy but he has squeezed his huge 170 pound body on it his entire life . If you happen to sit in the chair he will sit on you until you get off . We went for a walk after dinner . First I took Scooby and Rocky and then Bullwinkle alone . We had an interesting conversation . . . I told him he was the finest dog that ever lived , Ha ! Ha ! that he was the Mona Lisa of dogs , the statue of David , and the Sistine Chapel . That God outdid Himself when he created him . I also told him I have loved many dogs and will love dogs in the future , but he will always be the most loved dog of all . You think I need therapy ? Maybe I sniffed too many fumes today when I spent the day painting at the gallery . Jay and I went to breakfast for Mother 's Day on Saturday to beat the crowds , so today was free . Friday my " Hayfields II " sold at the gallery , so that was exciting . The couple who bought it came by and talked with me about a commission of their farm so that would be fun . I also managed to finish the portrait of " Scooby " and the painting , " Grandpa and Me . " Both paintings will be entered into the Gainesville Fine Arts Association Summer Member 's Show at the Central Medical Plaza next weekend . Then I added a little spice to the Central Park painting , that one , and " On the Road Home " have been entered in a competition at the Thomas Center in Gainesville . I will keep you updated as to the results of both competitions . As soon as I get good photos of the two newest paintings you will see them . I also have to add them to my website . For about 2 months now , I have been at LaCrosse Post Office , a little place in the middle of small town about a mile long . I have a long lunch time , about 1 1 / 2 hours . The first half hour I eat lunch , the second half hour I do 10 to 15 minute drawings . I usually pick a variety of subjects just from interesting things that I find . Photos I have , magazine pics , newspaper photos , whatever I have . I try to draw whenever I can . I really need the practice . The last half hour I walk around the town for exercise . I showed you a few doodles a few weeks ago and here are a few new samples of my " Day Time Doodles " The first two pics are from a magazine with a story of the devastation in Haiti . The last one is a pic from the cover of a Hari Krishna magazine of a woman and child in India . These are quick lunchtime drawings so they area a little skewed at times . I will post more later in the week . The past couple of weeks I have gone back to painting animals . This first pick is a portrait of Scooby . It is still in progress but it is coming along . I needed to put him on canvas like I did Bullwinkle and Rocky . Then I took a very bad photo of the other pic I am doing of Scooby and our horse Diamond checking each other out . I am looking for a name for this painting . So I will have a little competition when it is done for a cool name . Stay tuned for that announcement . Still in it 's beginning stages , this painting with it 's western theme , is in honor of Pioneer Days in High Springs this weekend , Saturday , April 24 and Sunday , April 25 . It should be great time and everyone should come check it out . There will be great booths with lots of interesting crafts , art , food and stuff for sale . Plus the western gunfight is always fun . I will be working at the High Springs Art Co - Op on Main Street both days some come and say " Hi ! " Posted by Last weekend was lots of fun . It is great to be off on the weekends . I brought Bullwinkle to the High Springs Mutts and Pups Show . There were so many great looking dogs , including this amazing Russian Mountain dog . He was not as tall as Bullwinkle but twice as broad . He was huge . Bullwinkle almost lost his top spot as Biggest Dog . Which he won first place of course . He is pictured on the front page of the North Florida Herald , the front page of the Observer , and I was quoted in the Alachua Today newspaper , " He always wins the biggest contest , " said owner Tina Corbett , adding that he 'd won the Best Dressed contest before , but had since outgrown his costume . " Somebody said , ' Why do you keep entering him ? ' I said , ' Cause he 's still the king . ' You can read the article by just clicking onto Alachua Today . Then this Saturday I decided to check out the Santa Fe Spring Art Festival . I knew past festivals in Gainesville did not allow dogs at the show but I checked out the Santa Fe College and the Gainesville events websites and found nothing that said no dogs . So , I grabbed Bullwinkle and off we went to the show . It was a breathtakingly beautiful day . We first stopped at Jean 's Grooming to visit with Jean , Lisa and Linda , and bought dog food . He is always so excited to go for a ride in the car . Once we found parking at the festival , we were only there five minutes when a cop made us leave . No dogs allowed ! I was bummed . Some nasty lady , I think was an artist , goes " doesn 't anyone know how to read ? " Apparently it was in the Gainesville Sun newspaper but I don 't get that paper . I secretly cursed the nasty old biddy and hoped she had no art sales for the entire weekend . Bullwinkle and I turned around and went back to the car , I swear he knew and was just as upset as I was . I still wanted to check out the show and did not want to go all the way home to High Springs so I called Jean at Jean 's Grooming since she was close . She agreed to dog sit for 2 hours . I brought him back and Jean put him into her largest , gaPosted by Join my blog and let 's talk about pets , especially dogs , and art . Pets share our lives and add richness to our souls . Art can do the same thing , so I love to combine my love for both by painting animals and landscapes . As you will see , I have a special place in my heart for Great Danes . Share my journey as I explore life with the dogs and life as a struggling artist . Check out my website for my latest paintings . If you would like a one - of - a - kind commissioned art piece of a beloved pet or favorite location , I can work from a photograph or several photographs to create a personal family heirloom . All art work is done on premium canvas and with quality oil paints . Your purchase will last a lifetime . Online purchases done with Paypal with the upmost security and piece of mind , with a complete money back guarantee within 30 days if you are not satified with your painting .
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There she kneels in prayer each morning . A grown woman , kneeling in an almost fetal like position , taking her pleas , her worries , her passions , her praises , her everything to God . A new practice she began over the past few months . A practice she began because although she prayed daily , she realized she needed to be more purposeful in prayer . She needed a time to really converse with God … both to speak to Him as a child to a parent and to listen carefully , listening for His still small voice . Listening for God 's comforting words . Listening so she can hear God guide her path in ways that will bring glory to Him . This woman is me and one way my Walk to Emmaus changed me is the way in which I focus on my relationship with God through prayer . Not just in the words I say , but in the way I pray . My name is Brandi Cade . I currently live in Cayce , SC . I attend church right here at Platt Springs UMC . I went on Midlands Walk # 48 and I sat at the table of Martha . Join me now on my journey as we take a walk back in time . Growing up I was in and out of church . I loved being at church , but I didn 't always have a way to get there so my attendance , no matter where we lived , was sporadic . While in high school I was introduced to Romans 8 : 28 by my youth pastor and it has been my go to verse ever since . And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him , who have been called according to his purpose . I would use this as my go to verse in times of change , trouble , and doubt . Fast forward a few years to college … I married my first husband early in my college days and attended a small UM church in Greer , SC . Faith UMC . Here my passion for the Lord was renewed . I quickly went from simply attending services to joining the choir and leading classes during Vacation Bible School . The church was my other family … with many adopted grandparents . I loved watching Ms . Betty sing in the choir . Her face glowed with radiance as she sang the Lord 's praises . And Mr . Pete … . no one can sing Sweet Little Jesus Boy quite like he could . But then I lost it all … . I returned home from visiting my parents one day to hear my husband at the time say , " Sorry , I made a mistake marrying you . I don 't love you anymore . I 'm leaving . " Talk about devastating . I had just spent a week thinking about my upcoming graduation and planning when to start a family . I ended up moving back in with my parents in Columbia right after graduation . I didn 't seek out a church once I was here . I guess you could say I was broken and fearful . As a matter of fact , I didn 't seek out a church until 2008 . Six years after I had left my previous church home in Greer . During those 6 years I met , fell in love with , and married my husband who I 've been happily married to for almost 13 years now . We had 2 kids by that time … one was almost 3 and the other was about 4 months old . I had known for a long time I wanted to get back to church , but I wasn 't good at just putting myself out there . Shortly before getting back to church , I started listening to WMHK … to the point that I stopped being the constant button pusher on the radio . No other song that might be playing mattered . All that mattered was hearing the Christian songs they played . I would find solace in listening to those songs . The songs brought me peace and understanding . They brought me back to the scripture . Not sure why I was surprised since music always played a big role in my life . Music has always been the avenue I would choose to get through the tough times as well as the happy ones . But how much more powerful these songs were since they also included praising God , keeping faith in God , turning things over to God . So longing to find a church , in September 2008 I reached out to my dear friend and mentor , Linda and she helped me find my way back to church . This church . My kids and I were immediately embraced and loved . During this time period my oldest was wrecked with eczema so bad that he looked like a burn victim who had been put through a meat grinder . Needless to say , getting to church regularly wasn 't always easy given the pain he was in constantly as well as the in depth routine we had to go through each day to wrap and protect him . But we made it … . and my baby boy grew to love Jesus and God eMake me broken What ? Make me broken . YES ! ! ! ! Sign me up Lord ! Make me broken I prayed over and over . I know … . sounds a little crazy right ? Why would anyone ask to be broken … on purpose ? Yes ! Sign me up for that one too ! Make me empty so I can be filled with you Lord . Doesn 't sound near as bad as being broken right ? Make me lonely So I can be Yours Okay , sign me up for that one too . But God , really , please make me broken and empty . I want you to Keep Making Me and if you have to break me and empty me to do it , then please break me and empty me . And He did allow some of this to happen over the next few years . My oldest son 's health failed to the point he was no longer thriving and by March 2014 he underwent surgery to have a feeding tube placed . My middle child suffered her own fair share of allergy and eczema related problems . But no matter what battle I faced , I kept praying . I kept my faith . Fast forward a little . . . I eventually made my way to teaching adult studies on Wednesday evenings and a little later finally joined the choir . My Sunday only became really long hours here on Wednesdays . Little did I know that all I slowly started adding would lead to me being where I am today . In 2015 I was first asked about going on the walk to Emmaus , but things didn 't work out . So during that year I did a lot of praying . A lot of begging God to break me & heal me , empty me & fill me . A lot of asking God to please Keep Making Me until He was my one desire . I knew that in order for God to be my one desire and for me to do what he created me to do , in order for me to fulfill my purpose , I would need to start giving up things . In early 2016 I made decisions on what to let go of . The first to go … . my position with the local reading council . The next to go … . my goal of being called Dr . Cade . I prayed and prayed and prayed and when I received an email describing an opportunity to receive 2 Certficates of Advance Graduate Studies in doctoral work instead of my doctorate in education , I prayed some more , then I leaped . I chose to not get my degree . I chose to let that go and focus on God and family . From there things have been on an amazing ride . In September 2016 it was shared that an announcement would be in the upcoming bulletin about the need for a new youth coordinator to work alongside the youth director . I didn 't need to hear Romans 8 : 28 being spoken to me thiBrandi On July 4 , 2004 in the sweltering heat , Mark and I said our vows to each other at Station 18 1 / 2 on the beach at Sullivan 's Island . Below are the vows we exchanged and the Rose Ceremony afterwards . Yes , it 's long , but hey , I was going to make the moment last and get my money 's worth : - ) As I sit here staring at the screen , I wonder what words to write . I know that if I just start typing those words will come . They always do . And yes , this is going to be a Bradley post . Some may wonder why I write so much about his disease and what we go through . I do it because for me it makes it that much easier to talk about when I 'm asked questions . I also do it for awareness . While much more is known now about Eosinophilic Esophagitis than there was 20 - 30 years ago , this is still a disease in its infancy . There are patients who are just now having to figure out new doctors to see because they are no longer a pediatric patient , but they have a disease that has mostly been dealt with in the pediatric world . I also do it because I know that there is a purpose , a plan for why Bradley has to endure this terrible disease . God says so many times in the Bible that we are called according to his purpose . That he will be there with us through those trials and that we will come out stronger . This past month we have hit road block after road block in dealing with this disease . Today came more answers that we didn 't want to hear , yet I think all along I 've prepared myself for . You see when we first decided to move forward with the feeding tube I had already been preparing myself mentally for the possibility for a couple years . That last scope in December 2013 I knew before we ever made the trip that the results were not going to be what we wanted . I don 't know how I knew , I just did . Even then I asked not just for prayers of good results , but for prayers that we would be able to accept whatever the results would be . Then we started the journey . The life of tube feeding . Because I had prepared myself for the feeding tube , I also had prepared myself for what the future may hold . I held on tightly to the belief that the tube was the answer and that my Boo would get better . And he has . He went from an exhausted little boy who voluntarily stayed in from recess his 2nd grade year to a thriving young man who is now in the 4th grade . He went from almost falling off the charts from being so little as far as weight and height to now being in the 25th percentile . We finally were able to buy him clothes because he grew . Going into this life of a feeding tube , I knew the possibilities of being on the tube for years to come was very likely . I was ready for what life would throw at us . But then we got to bounce happily along on the journey for 17 months . Unlike cases of children who would be immediately stopped in their tracks with the first food reintroduced , we made it up to 16 foods with successful introduction . And then we hit the road block . I saw it coming with white potato because that one food seemed to do something that I couldn 't quite put my finger on . So while it was a blow to find out he is definitely allergic to white potato , it helped prepare me for the scope that I knew was going to be bad for the first time in 17 months . However , I don 't think I quite prepared myself for the rest of the results until the past week . All the cases I 've read about or seen videos on , those kids came to their limit . They knew their number and that the number most likely won 't increase . I personally feel we may be entering that zone with Bradley . And to be honest , the results today didn 't impact me near as much as the potato results because I think I already knew . I had already started coming around to the idea that we are at a roadblock and we may be here for quite some time . And we are going to learn to live with it and do as we have done since Bradley was a year old . . . . look at the positives because if we focus on the negatives the weight can be unbearable . Today I received confirmation that he is officially allergic to oats , rice , watermelon , and linseed ( flax seed comes from this ) . The only thing that he may be able to keep is cocoa , but even that I 'm going to keep an eye on since it was close to borderline . All those other foods tested in the high range . And yes , I cried for a moment and I 'm even a little teary right now . But they are tears of feeling so frustrated for my little boy . Afterall , what parent wants to deny their child food ? But I have to if I want my little boy to be healthy . So here I sit this evening prepared for what is ahead on our journey . Yes , I will be super picky about any food or drink that is found that may be potentially safe and I will scrutinize even the tiniest ingredient . If it 's not officially safe and hasn 't officially been introduced after a clean scope , then it 's going to be a firm , " No Bradley can 't have that . " Yes , I will pray that his next scopes come back clean and we will take the next steps to see if his number gets to go higher than 16 . But I 'm also going to be accepting and help Bradley in every way to be accepting as well of whatever the journey ahead holds . Of course , he 's been more accepting than me sometimes . He 's a fighter and he 's my hero . This is not the way I ever dreamed it would be , but it is our reality . Posted by Today as I drove to WalMart it took every bit of strength I still had to reach my destination . It was all I could do to keep on that path because what I really wanted to do was turn my car around . I figured I could reach the beach by 6 : 30 . I could reach peace , Solace . God . I know He all around and with me all the time , but the beach is the place I feel the closest to Him . I was so focused on driving to where I was supposed to go that I actually missed the turn . Six hours and ten minutes ago I finally got the news I 've been waiting for with baited breath for 2 weeks . The same news I was waiting on when I posted 21 Foods and Counting . I finally got the results for Bradley 's white potato allergy test followed by the results from the biopsies taken during his endoscopy and colonoscopy . Results that rocked my world yet again . Sometimes people think that I 'm overly protective or worrisome about the foods Bradley eats . I have to be very careful and selective down to the seasonings and oils used to prepare food . As a mom I 'm glad I trust what I think is going on . We first introduced white potato back in January / February . He ended up being sick several times around then . Not knowing for sure if it was true illness or a result of adding back white potato , I took it out of Bradley 's diet . I was questioned as to why and where my proof was that potato was making him sick . I explained my thinking and said after he gets better we will introduce another food , then if that is tolerated we will try white potato again . We started white potato again in June ( or was it May ) . The signs were so subtle , easy to miss . But I was concerned so I had his allergist check his allergen levels to white potato . Thinking the results would put me at ease . Either I was just seeing things that weren 't there or I was on the right track in thinking something wasn 't quite right . Either way we would know . Today the results came back and we must now go from 21 foods to even less . We know for sure that we have to take the potato out . He is definitely allergic . Highly allergic in fact . His allergy to potato is almost as high as his allergy to egg yolk . However that wasn 't the only news . I also got to read his biopsy results from his scopes . Last October 2014 his scopes were clean . Zero evidence across the board . The time before that , June 2014 , counts were 10 or less . Those were the scopes since his feeding tube was placed . Prior to the feeding tube , in December 2013 , the scope results showed numbers of eosinophils around 45 . June 2013 scopes were the highest to date with 85 as our number . Today it took me over 2 hours to realize . Over 2 hours for it to fully hit me what I had read from the results . The count in his esophagus is OVER 100 . The highest ever that we are aware of . With this result we have to make decisions . Take all new foods away ? Blood work ? Both ? What ? You see of those 21 foods we had reached , 6 of them have been added since October . Since his last clean scope of zero . That means potentially taking away all 6 of those foods . As much as he doesn 't want it , his allergist is sending me an order for blood work so we can check those other items we 've added . We are prepared to back down and only be at 15 foods ( remember there are about 5 of those he won 't eat so really just 10 foods ) . Not food groups , families of food , actually individual food items . As a mom I 've written of my feelings on this in the past . And trust me in his short 9 years there have been many . Bradley has been through more medically than many people endure in a lifetime . I would love to say that making the decision to move to a feeding tube in the first place was the hardest to deal with . Not for me . For me I knew that although it didn 't seem fair , it was going to help my sweet boy . And it has . No for me , I think the past 2 weeks have hit me the hardest . Tears that fall without warning . Anger at the unfairness of it all . And yet , here is Bradley taking the news so gracefully . His response , " Oh . Okay . " Shrugged his shoulders and went right on playing . The same boy who just 2 days ago went and hid in his closest because he was mad his friend didn 't come over . He even told me , " You know mom . I get mad about the little things . But not really the big ones . " Oh I don 't doubt that he is disappointed , hurting , angry , etc . But for now he is accepting and I 'm going to take it . This amazing young man faces most of his days with a strength and courage I can only imagine . His only question , " Hmmmm . . . . I wonder what I can put in my lunchbox for tomorrow . And no I don 't want beans . " As his mom I worry . I worry that one day he 'll get mad at it all . That he 'll choose a path that is harmful to himself . Afterall when you have to watch videos to start each year such as More Than Sad , you can 't help but be fearful that it could happen to your child no matter what you do . As his mom I have my own choices to make . The choice to hide my tears or let them flow freely for him to see . The choice to put it all in God 's hands or try to control things by keeping them to myself . The choice to face each day stronger or hide under the covers wishing it all away . The choice to go about seeming to be cheery or let others know what our life is like including how we feel . I choose to show my faithful human side . I choose to let Bradley know how I feel so that he too can learn to express his feelings . I choose to put it in God 's hands because despite the frustrations and set backs , we also have the good days ; the blessings . I choose to allow myself moments of hiding under the covers so that I can face each day stronger . Hiding under the covers I can cry it out , get over it , and really let go so God can take care of us . I choose to share about Bradley 's life and our experiences . I may never know that impact and I don 't need to , but I 've been able to talk with others going through similar experiences and offer words of support , a listening ear , and so forth . So yes , we are 21 No More . Yes I am hurting for my Boo who was devouring french fries faster than they could be made . Yes I am angry that our society revolves around FOOD , FOOD , and more FOOD and so many don 't realize how good they have it . I am angry that insurance doesn 't understand this disease so we have to fight for coverage ( remember out of pocket for Bradley 's food ( formula ) and medical supplies alone cost us almost what I bring home in a month . ) I think the lowest of the low doctors , the ones who couldn 't cut it in the real world of medicine are the ones being paid by insurance companies to help them with their denials . Yes , I wish I could go and physically force them to live on solely the foods that are safe for Bradley for a week and then to go a week drinking ( not through a tube but actually drinking ) his formula . I 'm sure some changes would take place then . Yes I am strong and my faith is such that I turn immediately to the Father instead of blaming Him because " I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me . " ( Phillipians 4 : 13 ) . He has held me in his arms many a night , he is with me wherever I go . These are not just words I say to come off sounding better than others . These are words that I live by . Words I believe in wholeheartedly because I know I can 't do this alone . I know and truly believe that these trials have a purpose . A purpose I may never know . A purpose Bradley may never know . In Him I take comfort , I am comforted . For those of you who don 't quite get that . Those who don 't understand how that can be possible , then I invite you to start on your lifestory . I invite you to learn more about our Heavenly Father and His Son Jesus Christ . Seek out someone you feel comfortable talking to that can help you grow . Jesus told us to go forth and make disciples . So there are many out there who are willing to help you embark on this journey that will lead to the ultimate destination . A journey that will give you comfort and allow you to be able to trust in the Father and walk away from devastating news with a strength and courage that can only be found through Him . I leave you with this . Request for all the prayer warriors to lift up their voices . " For where two or three are gathered together in My name , I am there in their midst . " ( Matthew 18 : 20 ) . Prayers for us to hold strongly to our faith . Prayers for us to face each day with courage and strength . " Have I not commanded you ? Be strong and courageous . Do not be afraid ; do not be discourage , for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go . " ( Joshua 1 : 9 ) . Prayers for us to accept the path that God has placed before us . The life He has planned for us . Prayers for us to continue to lift up His name and keep turning to Him in our times of praise as well as our times of need . In my quest to do some finishing touches in my kitchen that is almost finished being renovated , I was determined to add some quotes around the room . Above my kitchen door seemed to be the perfect place . I wanted something that would give me hope and courage every time I walk out the door to face the world . I debated scripture , but I also wanted something that involved my place of peace , my place I feel closest to God . The beach . I kept thinking of the quote , or at least I thought it was a quote until I couldn 't find it anyplace I looked , " When life sends you a storm , ride the waves . " The closest I could find was about surfing . I then spent days searching for the perfect quote , but I kept coming back to the one about the storm and waves . After careful thought , I realized I wanted something a little more than that . Afterall , I don 't face a storm in my life everyday . I began playing around with words and I finally came up with : There are times in life when we must sit still . When I think of sitting on the shore , I think of observing life around me . I think of quiet . Of slowing down . Of taking time to really listen . Of simply being in awe of the masterpiece stretched out before me created by our Heavenly Father . And as of late , of writing my cares and worries in the sand as a way of handing it all to God knowing that the waves will come and wash the words away just like God helps to ease our troubles , our minds , when we have the faith to let go and trust in Him . This line is my reminder that sometimes I need to keep my mouth shut , observe what is around me , listen , and to turn it all over to God . Just like there are times in life that we must be still , there are also times when we must stir things up . We can 't just be complacent and always accept things as they are . Sometimes we must fight for what we believe in . Sometimes we have to be the voice of change . And yes , even though it may be hard to do , we may have to step out on that limb and do what Jesus said . We have to " Go forth and make disciples . " That may not sound like stirring the ocean , but when was the last time you shared your testimony with others , got into the really deep conversations with someone about their faith , helped them to come to know Christ ? It 's not as easy as it may sound . Although some people seem to do this effortlessly . And then we come to to the last line . Ride the waves . This is my reminder that life is not always going to be easy . Sometimes the waters are going to be calm and the sailing will be smooth . Other times the storms will rage , the waves will crash , the current will take you under . No matter what the weather and how gentle or rough the waves are , you must learn to ride them . My favorite verse is Romans 8 : 28 : And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him , who have been called according to his purpose . To ride the waves it to realize that God is going to take care of us , he has called each of us according to his purpose . When we fight against the waves we are left getting no where , exhausted , and ready to give up at times . When we learn to ride the waves , we can end up arriving at an amazing destination that we never even dreamed possible .
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After a slight delay , Chance and I knocked down the hay bales last night . Oh my goodness or not so goodness . The bales were full of great big fat and happy slugs . UGH ! We spread out the hay around the garden area it amounted to about an 8 inch layer of wet slug infested mess . Last night Chance was thinking we could leave the hay in place and just move it aside from where we were thinking of having beds but after doing some reading this morning I think not . Mulch can be a good thing and can be helpful but we have way too much of a once good thing . I read in several books and on the web that to heavy of mulch can harbor slugs and rodents . Also hay / straw mulch takes away the nitrogen from the top layer of the soil . It is also helpful to live in an environment where the weather changes more drastically from cold to hot ; it kills off pests . We don 't have that kind of weather here it tends to be fairly mild in Oregon . Cool and damp and then warm and damp . We already have the slugs and between the Chicken coop and the wood pile we have to be careful about rats . I am not interested in creating a habitat for unwanted guests . Birds , Bees and Butterflies are welcome but not Rats or Slugs . In the ten years I have been planting a garden here we have never had any problems with slugs . I always figured the bottom fruits and veggies were fair game and never lost much to the slugs . But when we uncovered whole nests of them I was a bit grossed out , coming from a girl who butchers chickens without blinking and is pretty clam about bugs and slime , it has to be bad . Maybe I should order a Keg of beer and leave it open in the garden for the slugs . Ha ha if there 's going to be a keg in my garden I would have to have a party with people as guests . As I write this Chance is still at work so I have no idea yet what we will do with our problem . Well , we will find a solution that 's for sure . I think the hay needs to mostly go . We can put some on the compost pile and give some to the neighbors for their compost piles . After that we will have to get creative . MayPosted by Chance and I have been scratching our heads over our Hay Bale garden beds . First we had some things bolt really early in the season , then some of the tomatoes were not doing well and despite our diligent efforts nothing was eager to grow . Over the past couple of weeks we have given one more push to get the bales to do better and there 's no change . And after comparing our front garden beds with the bales we have come to a cross roads , one way leaves the bales to do what they will do and the other is to knock down the bales and start mostly over . We have opted for the second path , knock it all down and start again and this is how we came to that . We planted Flashy Backed Trout Lettuce from the same packet in both the hay bales and the front beds , as you can see from the photo there is a huge difference even though the larger heads from the front were planted a good 6 weeks after the little ones from the bales . Besides the lettuce doing better in the beds everything else planted in the beds are verdant and right on track in their growth . We have used the same methods of care in both places and even tried giving the bales closer attention since they were new to us . The soil from both places is even the same load of soil we bought this spring . So where did we go wrong ? I am not so sure it is a matter of going wrong or over looking some important point . Chance and I have both come to the same conclusion that is based on what we know about building soil , erosion and compost here in Oregon . Making compost in wet Oregon takes work ; the rain tends to wash away the surface of the compost , cause it to be to wet and cold and the rain washes away the nutrients we are trying to create . To make good compost one has to be on top of things , sometimes this means covering and uncovering your compost pile daily being sure to turn it often and being patient helps too . The rain also causes a type of erosion called Real Erosion . This type of erosion is small and slowly washes away the soil on the surface . This is a concern when your soil is shalloPosted by I started out today feeling sorry for myself . I live with this disease Crohn 's a hereditary digestive autoimmune disorder , I was born with , it won 't kill me and on a scale of 1 - 10 mine is a 1 . I have been running , running and just not stopping . That 's a bad habit of mine , maybe if I keep going the Crohn 's will go away . I am out to prove to myself my disease WILL NOT stop me , can 't you see I am to busy for it , there 's better things to do . I am not in denial about having this disease but I just don 't talk about it so dear readers this may be the only time I mention my own Crohn 's . But finally my body has sent me a warning to slow down a bit and remember to stop . Nothing awful esp . when you read up on what Crohn 's can be , I am just tired . At Chance 's nagging I slowed down today and only did what I wanted . So to slow down and to stop myself from sinking into this depressing self talk I spent my day outside in the yard . I know kind of crazy , I am suppose to be slowing down , most would think I 'd put my feet up and do nothing . I did slow down and set my own pace and stopped when I wanted to . I find spending time in solitude to be very soothing . By nature I am a solitary person and relish time spent alone . Not easy as a busy parent , the boys were out for the day so I took the day for myself . I did a bit of weeding and trimming of various things . Checked on the Apples which are looking good . It looks like our little Apple needs some more support lines . I picked 3 more pints of Raspberries with the hens cackling to me and wanting out to join me . I uncovered our outdoor alter from the mint that was growing into a shrub . I had by then let the hens out to roam the yard . Chickens are great company , with their fuzzy rumps up digging for bugs and happy clucks when something was extra good . I did sit and read for a good while , with my feet up and the sun shinning on me , good old vitaminD . The weather was fresh and warm today . We had a nice wind blowing and I felt as if my woes were going with the wind . I am still tired but I feel better in the head . I will be suPosted by Today at Hrafinstaad we celebrated Father 's Day . Chance requested a batch of my Sticky Buns , a nice cinnamon roll with a caramel goo over them . As a surprise the boys and I bought Chance a book he has been drooling over . We bought him a copy of Charcuterie by Michael Ruhlman and Brian Polcyn , it is all about making and curing your own meats , sausages , bacons and more . When Chance was working as a chef he learned the basics of curing but has wanted to learn to do more . This afternoon he started the curing of a piece of salmon we got from our Alaskan neighbors . Once the salmon is done curing he will smoke it . Looks like I 'll be making some bageals soon . This book will give us another way to provide ourselves with good quality foods . I looked through the book and even though I have only made Beef Jerky in the oven I think I would be able to do some of the basics on my own . After breakfast we took a trip to a local asian super market called Fubon . Fubon is the size of a large Safeway store and is a great adventure in cooking . The main reason to go today was to price some cuts of meats that Chance wants to use with his new book . We found , uncured picnic ham , side pork for bacon , ducks and many more good looking meats . We like shopping at the asian markets . The prices tend to be lower on some standard things like noodles , rices , fruit and veggies . Depending on the market the meat can be a good buy too , you may not always reconize the cut but sometimes you can figure out how you could use it or learn to use . You can also find packages of common spices for a good price . By looking at the packaging it can be easy to figure out what flavor many items are , a chicken for chicken , a pig for pork ect . We also just ask a passing shopper if they can tell us about what we are looking at , so far people have been very helpful and we have tried some new things through their suggestions . When we like something we remember the packaging , a common trick when one can not read . This morning we also picked the first round of raspberries from the garden . We picked Posted by Chance and I often talk about the higher prices for organics . Are they worth it ? In some ways yes they are , better health and better for the planet . But what is a family living on a single income with growing boys to do ? This past winter we did some comparison shopping . We tried for one month to buy only organic foods and we learned some interesting things about our selves . First of all we found it difficult to buy enough to keep hungry teens fed and stay within our food budget . The " There 's nothing to eat " that kept coming just was not worth the price to us . Our boys are not picky eaters and are happy as long as there is plenty . We tried eating less meats , no big deal there we are not big meat eaters any way . It is not uncommon for us to buy a nice block of cheese as our protein for dinner or a veggie based protein . Cutting back on something we did not eat much of in the first place still did not save us enough to make things work . I don 't buy processed foods organic or not , so I could not even try and cut those out . During this time to try and make sure we were shopping smart we only bought what we thought we would use so there was no waste . This is a good habit no matter what kind of food you are buying . Still it was not working and it kind of pissed me off . I was not pissed about our economics but about the higher prices of organics . This led me to looking for the an answer and this is what I found . It costs more to raise organic foods . It starts with the price of organic grains to feed the live stock . Some articles stated that the price of organic grains has been driven up because of Bio - Fuels , that 's a whole different topic and for now is not really on my radar . As some of you know we are raising 7 chickens to be butchered by ourselves very soon . We wanted the taste of a home grown chicken for our dinner plates . We want to know where that chicken came from . To know we had a relationship with that food . I have been tracking the cost of raising these birds , it 's not especially cheap . The cost per bird will come out higher thanPosted by I have a couple of different liquid soap dispensers that have different sized tubes that come from the pump head . I have found that the bottle with a larger sized tube works the best . The smaller tube did not seem to be able to bring up enough of the soap without a million pumps . Rois SoapI finished the Liquid Soap this morning . Last night I had used only part of the the tea for the liquid and it made a jar full of goo that was like lard so I added the rest of my reheated tea , mixed it again and we now have almost a gallon of liquid soap . First what I did was grated up one bar ( about 4 oz ) of natural soap . The soap grated was neat looking , little tiny curly ques in a bowl . The bar of soap I had was an Oatmeal bar . Next I made a tea out of a large handful of mint leaves . You only have to get the water to the temp where it is steaming . You can also use plain water for no scent or the scent of the bar . Add the water / tea to the bowl that has the grated soap , let it sit for 15 minutes . Now using a hand mixer blend the soap mixture . Careful it will foam up . The liquid in the bowl will feel like soapy dish water and seem very thin , don 't worry it firms up to a snot like texture . Sorry I could not think of a better word for the texture and it was something everyone would get . Now let it sit . I had left the first try over night but this morning I left for about 4 hours and it was ready . As the soap cools it goes through several changes . The first change I noticed was there were milky swirls and slowly the swirls became more of a mass . Once the soap was ready I poured it into a recycled milk jug and a Mason jar . I plan on storing away the milk jug and keeping the jar under the sink . My friend at Acorn Cottage had tried a different recipe for liquid soap with some goofy results , we kept singing the theme song from the movie The Blob because it was a big slimy , rubbery blob that takes a bit of manhandling to use . This flop is what inspired me to try a different recipe . I liked this one it had only two ingredients and actually worked . Chance started a Soil Test ( the last 2 photos ) today to check our clay content to build the Cobb Oven . He took the soil from the soon to be building site in the back yard . He filled a Mason jar about 1 / 4 of the way with the soil , added about 3 tablespoons of Salt ( the salt helps it to settle fastePosted by This morning my Mother came to help me make Strawberry Jam . It was fun to work with my Mom in the kitchen doing something different together . I learned a couple of tips along the way that were helpful and not in my Ball Blue Canning Book . Before we began I made sure I had out everything we would need . The first photo shows my Canning Kettle with its jar rack and the jar puller . Also my biggest pot for cooking the jam in . Chance and I had already sliced off the tops of the berries before Mom arrived . The first step was to crush the berries with a potato masher a bit , we left some chunks of berries . Mom pointed out as went along that careful measuring is important when canning . You can see her measuring out the 7 Cups of sugar we needed for each batch . we did not try to do double batches but instead we did singles . This made for a bit more work but we knew there would not be any mistakes that way . I did the stirring , I had a nice Strawberry facial this morning . Once the cooked berries were ready to pull off of the heat Mom taught me a trick , carefully skim off the foam that sits on top of the jam in the pot . When I asked her why she did not know why , the closest answer she had was because that is the way her Grandmother did it . We put the foam into a bowl to set aside . Mom said to put some on bread for the house full of boys to eat . ( I have had a house full since Friday , school is out and so far camping in our back yard is the first adventure of the summer for the gang . ) The minute my Mom said that to me I remembered this treat from when I was a kid . I think the reason to skim the foam is the foam may leave a crust on the top of the jars of jam . This is only my thought and I am just guessing from a past experience with some bad canning given as a gift . It 's all about looks I suppose . The other thing I learned from my Mom today was she never water bathed her jars to process them . I am still alive so it worked but we did decide that since I have the big canning kettle we might as well be super safe and use it . Whew , I was a bit worried she Posted by Today I felt like I had come home . Chance and I went to pick Strawberries at a farm 15 minutes from our house . We turned down a shady country road lined with Filbert Orchards , so very Oregon country side . As we came closer to the edge of the farms fields we almost crashed the car into a pole . Right there along the road just behind a fence was a small herd of Fjord Horses . At that very moment I was at a perfect spot that heralded the feelings of home to me . The scent of berry fields , green woods and a horse barn made that very moment perfect . I adore Fjord Horses , if I ever had more money than I needed I would have my own herd . My name means " like running horses " and horses are my kin in my soul . I do ride a bit , my Dad has a mottle crew of horses but they do not fill my soul the way the Fjords do . I have met a few and they are the sweetest of the all of the horses . My Dad had hoped to buy one for me to have at his house but like I said one would need plenty of money to even add one to their family . Someday maybe but until then every time I see them it will continue to thrill me . We picked a 5 gallon bucketful of berries in about 20 minutes the field was full of those sugary rubies . The farm was run by the family and even the kids were there working , the way a farm should run . By far Jaquith Farm has the best deal I have found , $ 1 per pound . Although they were not organic they were local and we met the family so we felt good about buying them . We mentioned my blog to the lady of the farm and asked if she minded me posting their contact information and she was thrilled . So if you live near by us and are looking for some berries I would go visit them . The drive there is beautiful even before you turn on to their road . Here is their phone number which she wrote on our bucket so it would not get lost ( 503 ) 628 - 1640 On the way home we stopped at an Estate sale and found 2 dozen canning jars for $ 4 . We are trying to build up our inventory of jars , we have lots to can this year . I would say our 17th Anniversary is turning out to be a lovely daPosted by The number 13 is a lucky number for me , I was born on the 13th and today June 13th is our wedding anniversary - number 17 wow ! So in the spirit of my favorite number I say welcome to my newest and number 13 follower Lynda . Thanks for joining up to follow my ramblings and rants . I am looking into picking strawberries today . I know how romantic , a day spent in the fields but any time I can be with my man is good . I am having a good day and I hope you all will too . Rois In response to my last blog entry , Homemade Marshmallows are one of the best things I have learned to make instead of buying . The ones from the store are dry and bland in comparison to the ones Sol and I made . This little fellows are smooth and creamy and melt in your mouth . Well worth the effort . The first pan we turned out took some work but , we figured out a trick with the Boning knife that made getting the goo off of the paper easier . I do suggest using a stand mixer to make these unless you want to stand around for 12 minutes holding a hand mixer . Really try these out . Oh , I did not use the food coloring for ours but they are still yummy . I got a nice reply from Karyn about my slug problem . She suggested using crushed up egg shells , which I have plenty of . She has not tried it herself but I am willing to try it . Chance also read that maybe our garden is to tidy and there 's no place for the slugs to have their own habitat . This source sad to lay down some boards to give the slugs a place to live and be found easily so we can get rid of them . I think we will go ahead and try both ideas , couldn 't hurt . Chance and I had a busy afternoon puttering around the yard and garden . Besides some weeding and trimming we got a couple of other projects done . The first project was to make a new watering bucket for the hens , they needed a bigger one . Chance used a tray for a pot and a cheap bucket to do this . The only tool you need is a drill for the holes you make . First remove the handle of the bucket if there is one , next drill four holes along the rim of the bucket ( see photo ) spacing the holes so there is one per side . Fill the bucket ( we have a 5 gallon one ) with water , put the pot tray on like it was a lid now flip it over . A cheap water bucket . We tried a modification with our old bucket that did not work . Chance was hoping to cut a hole in the now top of the water bucket so he could just stick the hose in a fill . This dose not work , you need the vacuum that is created when you flip the bucket over . We spent $ 7 verse the $ 30 we have sPosted by We read some where that gardening in Hay Bales is Slug proof , this is one big myth if you live in damp Oregon . I have never had any problems with slugs so this really PISSES me off . But there is a happy , sugary , gooey and blissful part to the day , Sol and I made Marshmallows this evening . We are waiting for them to finish setting up . If they are as good as the goo we spooned from the bowl we will never ever eat store bought ones again . More later . . . Rois Homemade Marshmallows waiting to be cut I thought maybe since I am encouraging everyone to become more independent and learn some new skills I should share some . One skill I think is really important to learn is cooking and some basic baking . Both of these can save you money , put your home grown food to good use and tends to bring a family together . There are many books out there to the point where a novice might be dazed by it all . Don 't panic , take some time to read through some books , look on line and find a starting point you are comfortable with . Both Chance and I come from a long line of excellent cooks , Chance was a chef for many years and I was both a baker and a line chef but we both started out with some very simple things . Like us you can start out simple and go as far as you like . Mastering some easy dishes will encourage you to keep going . Never feel like you have to make these crazy many ingredient , hours long , odd ball foods . Learning to make what you and those you are feeding like is the important part . I make a big pot of soup once a week . Learning to make soup uses up bits and handfuls of meat , veggies , grains and whatever else you may have . Since I find it impossible to make a small pot we end up with lots to eat with little cost . I don 't have any set recipes for the soups I make . I just look at what I have and think of soups we like and make the soup based on that . I know that is not helpful to a beginner but I am trying to encourage you to just wing it . With soup you can easily do that , it can be fairly forgiving . Maybe read through some recipes for some ideas to wing it from or use the recipe until you get the hang of it and then do your own . I have a copy of a Westinghouse cookbook that my Mom used growing up . When I first moved out I had copied down some of the recipes she used all of the time , then she loaned me hers for a bit . I finally found my own copy at an Estate Sale for $ 1 . My Mom and now myself don 't use most of the book , mostly the Breads and Quick Breads section . The rest I use to compare ingredients , times and temps . Mom told me to never usePosted by There 's still not much to report here at Hrafinstaad . The last few days have been filled with family life which has had it 's ups and downs . I am working on the outline for our upcoming Chicken Butchering class . It is coming along after much head scratching . I know how to do it without much thought and now that I have to put it down in black and white I feel as if I have left out some gravely important part . Luckily it dose not have to be a " How to . . . " book . Could you imagine Chicken Butchering for the Complete Idiot sitting on a book shelf ? Or how about How to Kill a Chicken in 10 easy Steps . Kindly when this information is listed in a back to basics or farm skills book it is tidily listed as a chapter in the table of contents . This last week I have been asking myself this question " How did my Grandparents do this ? " My Grandparents and Parents lives have become a base ( at least for myself ) for what we trying to accomplish here . With this in mind I have started to ask my Mother questions about things like packaging . There has not always been plastic cartons , wrappers and the like . What was done before and can I go back to that method ? I have also started to try and remember the 5 million farm life stories my Dad has told me over the years . Little did I know that seeded in those stories was a lot of knowledge I would want . I guess most of what I know and just comes to me as second nature has come from listening to my elders . Many of the skills my ancestors used were Green , thrifty and plain smart . There was not the dependance on commercially made anything . You made it your self , fixed till it couldn 't be any more and used your skills and smarts in any way possible . If you could not do something you traded skills or extra goods with some one who could . I and my family here in our house are fortunate . Both Chance and I have benefitted from teachings from my Parents . My Parents were born just after the Depression and grew up on farms both factors in what they know and share . This got me thinking about generations , the generation afPosted by I went internet surfing last night and found some green cleaners . First I found this and then this and this one has a good information as to why we should be using green cleaners . Some laundry detergents were found here . And for those of you who are using those Cleaning Wipes here is an idea to break the habit with . I don 't use the wipes but it was an interesting idea . I found one that gave me some food for thought but I am most likely going to try making some laundry detergent any way . I found one blog that mentioned homemade laundry detergents and HE washers . This person uses her homemade detergent in hers without any problems , this is good since we have a HE washer and dryer . I got so excited about one idea that I tried it late last night . I tried using Olive Oil as a furniture polish . The site said to add some lemon juice to the olive oil for scent , I was not to into the scent part and skipped it . Our dinning room table was bought at a yard sale and needs refinishing , $ 10 for a vintage Teak table was to good of a buy to worry about the project of refinishing it . The top is very dry looking and when I use the commercially made oil it looks dry again in under 5 minutes . I rubbed the top down with the olive oil , I used maybe 1 / 8 of a cup and the results are Tres Fabu ! As of this morning the table top is still glossy and inviting . So I am using that idea from now on . We always have olive oil in the house and although it is a bit spendy maybe I won 't have to oil the table as often and make up the cost . And it is green the most important part . Years ago Chance and I had some wood bowls that we oiled often with Vegtable oil so from the get go I was pretty sure this work . I looked at lots of green cleaning ideas and most of them used the same items , Vinegar , Baking Soda , Borax , Lemons , Soap and essential oils for scent . A few of them used Ammonia watered down with other items added in . I always have some of the ingredents on hand so putting some of them together to try won 't be to hard . I think the only thing I don 't have is Borax and barPosted by Fourth of July Rose and unknownClimbing RoseMock OrangebloomHopsBack yard / garden . Chicken Coop in the back . And the Raspberries are along the fence . Tree in right corner is an Asian Pear The pile of straw holds our Potatoes . Hay Bale Garden beds from the front . We had a big storm here in the Portland area yesterday . The weather report said to brace for 60 MPH winds , inches of rain and maybe a tornado . ( We do get some small twisters here especially farther down the Willamette Valley . Rarely do they do much damage . ) It blew and rained but the storm fizzled out by the time it hit us . Stormy weather equals a party mood here on our block . All the neighbors came out to see what was going on . One neighbor said it felt like being in a kid in the South , storm weather was brewing . It is not uncommon for folks around here to sit on the porches to watch the show Mother Nature is putting on . Only two things happened , a tree branch fell in a yard and a board went flying and dented my car . We had some thunder and lighting but not a big show like in other parts of the country . We had a " picnic " dinner in front of our big front window so we would not miss a thing . Today it is cool and damp . Just the way my Oregon body likes it . Having lived here my whole life rain is a vital part to my being . I get tired of winter and its gloom but after a couple of weeks of warm dry weather my body craves wet . Just the other day I had looked up the local weather on the Farmers Almanac 's report for June . The Almanac was calling for rain the 1st - 3rd of June . I guess things just got delayed and came all at once . I am hoping the cooler weather it predicts for the rest of the month is true . It got hot here to quick and I was worring about the garden . The garden is doing just fine . Growing and starting to take off like it should be . The green beans I planted are up and it will be time to string them soon . I planted Blue Lake Pole Beans , if I remember right they were developed right here in Oregon and tend to be hardy abundant producers . We have been munching on handfuls of StPosted by I spent an hour this evening watching the chickens peck around the back yard . I went out , closed all the gates and emptied my brain . While I sat upon the feed bin I had hoped to come up with some wonderful blog entry filled with useful information and a bit of wit . What I came up with is this pearl , the chicken dance that small children learn to do hits the mark dead on . I was watching Abby as she looked for worms in one of her favorite spots . Yup , that dance is perfect just replace the clapping with happy clucks . I enjoy just sitting and watching the yard . When I slow down I see there is a lot going on . There are several types of birds living amongst us , Junco 's , Robin , Red Finches , Crows , Humming Bird and a tiny House Wren . The Junco 's name is Little Boy Bird and he likes to talk to us . The Robins are fairly tame and take no notice of us . The Crow 's well they have a soft spot in our hearts but won 't come near . Then there are 4 kinds of Bee 's and a large black dragon fly with niffty looking double wings . Speaking of Bee 's , awhile ago Sol signed up as a homeschool project to count bee 's for the University of San Fransisco 's Great Sunflower Project . The University was going to send us seeds for Lemon Queen Sunflowers and we thought maybe we had missed out on the project but today the seeds came . In the morning we will plant them . We will be looking for Bumble , Honey and Carpenter Bee 's . Seeing no bee 's is more important than seeing them . It is a sign there is trouble in the bee community near our home . We have already seen all 3 kinds in our yard so getting them to come won 't be an issue . And the fact that they are here is good news in the world of bee counting . We had some high temps here over the weekend , 95 F was the highest I saw posted . The lettuces here at Hrafinstaad did not survive . We were not alone in this , co - workers of Chance 's had the same thing happen . Misery loves company so now I feel a bit better not to be alone and salad - less . We harvested our first Snow Peas to be eaten in a Stir Fry this week . We love Stir Fried Veggies andPosted by
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As far as suspense goes , Steven James is one of the best , Christian or secular . I also read my first " Triple Threat " novel by Lisa Wiehl and was favorably impressed . I also recently read the winner of last year 's Carol award for historical romance , Love Finds You in Homestead , Iowa , and felt it was very deserving of the honor ! Great question ! Which should be a snap , since I 'm a musician . Let 's see . Make me a country music song , where simple pleasures are best and every trouble in life gets turned into a work of art . Something that suggests I have OCD at some level - I 'm forever doing math . I used to pass the time waiting for a bus by reviewing times tables ( up to 20 x 20 ) . I count in song : Instead of the nursery rhyme , " Pussy cat , pussy cat , where have you been , " I sing " one two three , four five six , seven eight nine . " It 's so habitual that as soon as I start singing , my cat jumps up because she knows I 'm about to move . Maple Notch Brides , the repack of my three Vermont historical romances , has just been released . I 'm originally from New England , so I had a lot of fun writing about my back yard . I wanted my stories to have a real Vermont feel . Pamela Griffin used the maple sugar industry as a backdrop for her contemporary set , Vermont Weddings . So I used a covered bridge that plays a role in each story . In the first book , it 's still a tree . . . the first covered bridge wasn 't built for another thirty years . Climb into adventure in the Green Mountain State where party politics , parental pressure , and personal misperceptions challenge three couples . Sally Reid and her family of Patriots are in hiding . Can she trust Josiah Tuttle , a man whose father is loyal to King George ? ( Prodigal Patriot , a Revolutionary War story ) Beatrice Bailey 's wealthy father wants his daughter to marry up - not down . Does farmer Calvin Tuttle have any chance of winning Beatrice 's heart and her father 's blessing ? ( Bridge to Love , a Year of No Summer story ) Clara Farley has accepted the role of spinster . Can Daniel Tuttle get her to change her mind ? ( Love 's Raid , a Civil War story ) Will God show these couples a way above the fray ? Darlene is giving away a copy of Maple Notch Brides . The giveaway is only available to U . S . addresses . To be entered in the book giveaway , leave a comment . You can enter the book giveaway twice - - once on each spotlight post . She recently signed the contract for her twentieth novel . She is also a prolific devotional author with over 200 devotions in print . Visit Darlene 's blog , Darlene Franklin Writes . Sally Reid and her family of Patriots are in hiding . Can she trust Josiah Tuttle , a man whose father is loyal to King George ? ( Prodigal Patriot , a Revolutionary War story ) Beatrice Bailey 's wealthy father wants his daughter to marry up - not down . Does farmer Calvin Tuttle have any chance of winning Beatrice 's heart and her father 's blessing ? ( Bridge to Love , a Year of No Summer story ) Clara Farley has accepted the role of spinster . Can Daniel Tuttle get her to change her mind ? ( Love 's Raid , a Civil War story ) Will God show these couples a way above the fray ? Today was a glorious day to be outside , Sally Reid decided as she went about her morning chores . Cool air flowed down from the mountains , scented with pine , the evergreen trees that gave the " Verts Monts , " or the Green Mountains , their name . The sun overhead promised sunshine and warmth , and green shoots pushed up through the ground . She loved the rhythms of farm life , the cycles of sowing , growing , reaping , and resting . A song of praise burst from her lips . Sally stopped in mid - verse . Her singing called for no audience beyond the chickens who clucked along with her . Pa teased that she had the voice of a crow . Of all people , who should catch her in her morning serenade but Josiah Tuttle . " Morning to you , Mr . Tuttle . " He smiled at her , the same grin that had infuriated her since childhood . It always put her in mind of the day he pulled the mobcap off her head after she 'd had the measles . Clumps of her straight , oak - colored hair came off with the mobcap , and she had run home and refused to come out again . Remembering , she put a hand to the top of her head , making sure its covering was in place . Josiah 's hair was as black now as it had been then , the same red highlights created by the sun . But the years had transformed him from a skinny lad to a stalwart man , tall and well built . Not that she would ever make mention of the fact . " I haven 't seen him . " Sally wondered if they required a chaperone for this conversation . Anyone could see them in the open dooryard . In fact , she saw a flicker in the opening in the cabin wall - probably her little sister , Nellie . Next thing Sally knew , Nellie would start announcing that Josiah was calling on her to everyone who stopped by . Darlene is giving away a copy of Maple Notch Brides . The giveaway is only available to U . S . addresses . To be entered in the book giveaway , leave a comment . You can enter the book giveaway twice - - once on each spotlight post . Yes ! Our faith in God in troubled times and His protection over David in his cases has a huge place in The Joshua Covenant . Also we have both been more alert to events in Israel , Egypt , Syria , and Lebanon since 9 / 11 , to which readers of our first novel , Facing Justice can relate . We have been studying what the Bible says about Israel and have begun to better understand the prophetic books in the Bible . So as we finished our last novel , Redeeming Liberty with CIA agent Bo Rider being sent to Israel , we researched the region where people have been fighting for thousands of years . Through much prayer and discussion , we believe we have crafted another spy thriller that readers will find gives them a glimpse of tomorrow 's headlines . The more we wrote about Bo 's struggles to stop an enemy spy in America 's embassy in Tel Aviv , the more we realized this is a story of God 's promises to His people . Bo comes face - to - face with what that means for today and not just thousands of years ago when Joshua brought the Israelites across the Jordan River . The Bible tells us to pray for the peace of Jerusalem , which takes on new meaning with all that is happening in Egypt , Libya and Iran . For The Joshua Covenant , Diane consumed a myriad of books on prophecy , including one by David Jeremiah . She enjoys Joel Rosenberg , Robert Whitlow , Terri Blackstock , recently adding Colleen Coble . Also high on her list are George MacDonald 's novels , which blend mystery with a strong spiritual emphasis . For nonfiction , the last book Diane read was by Jim Samra , The Gift of Church , with Radical on her to - read list . David was an NCIS agent . Are your books at all like the popular TV show ? Those who watch the show with the highest ratings on TV know NCIS has a large cast . So do our books . Like the TV show , our major characters , i . e . , federal agents Eva Montanna , Griff Topping , and Bo Rider , return in our subsequent thrillers . However , as NCIS can be watched in any order , so it is with our books . Each of our novels begins and ends an episode . David worked in foreign counter intelligence , so some of our thrillers have international spying themes . His criminal law enforcement and Diane 's Federal prosecutions / legal work provide for the exciting suspense themes at home here in the U . S . Click here to see a trailer comparing David to the show 's star Mark Harmon . " Yeah , that was incredible , Diane . All we were doing was trying to defend a mission organization when a murder occurred right outside their gate . How could we know that we 'd incur the wrath of the KGB ? " Diane reached over and squeezed his hand . " Our time there gave me insights into the dangers you faced in your work . I 'm so thankful you were there supporting me . And to think we negotiated with the KGB , the mayor , and the Police Chief , all in the span of two days . I was never so glad as when our airplane finally landed back in the States . " " Me too ! I guess it was all in God 's timing , " David said , flashing a grand smile . " We almost didn 't go on that trip . " Diane would much rather write , photograph nature , create scrapbook pages , watch NCIS or almost anything besides going after dust bunnies . They 're no fun at all . LOL David eats what he detests first ( broccoli anyone ? ) so he can enjoy the rest . That 's how he lives life . What 's your favorite meal with family and friends ? We both love to celebrate Thanksgiving , with all the fixings such as creamy mashed potatoes , stuffing , cranberry sauce , and loads of tasty vegetables . David had never seen a family that eats as many vegetables as Diane 's . One summer , David cooked a turkey outside on the gas grill for our extended family , and we called it Thanksgiving in July . The November holiday is also a wonderful day to share with family and to thank God for all our blessings . Here 's a recipe for apple stuffing Diane has made over the years : Bake for one hour in a 325 degree oven , adding more broth if dry . Serve with roasted turkey or chicken and enjoy . Share a verse or Scripture passage with us that is special to you . So many verses in the book of John show us the truth of Jesus Christ . John 1 : 1 reveals Jesus is the Word from the beginning of time , He is part of the Godhead , and Jesus created all things . How fantastic is that ? John 3 : 16 shares the gift of Jesus sent by God the Father . In John 14 : 6 , Jesus shares how He is " the Way , the Truth , the Life . No one comes through the Father except through Me . " The Love of Jesus is pure , it never leaves us when we seek Him , and lasts for eternity . Jesus is the hope for all the world . Night Flight will be released in the fall of 2012 . Bo and Julia Rider adopt a Golden Retriever for their kids , Glenna and Gregg , without telling them that Blaze was a working dog . When Glenna and Gregg discover Blaze has special powers they put him to work and become crime - busters . While our next thriller is aimed at teens , we think adults will also enjoy the family friendly excitement and intrigue . David and Diane are giving away a copy of The Joshua Covenant . The giveaway is only available to U . S . addresses . To be entered in the book giveaway , leave a comment . You can enter the book giveaway twice - - once on each spotlight post . Bo serves in America 's Embassy using his real name only to discover a menacing plot jeopardizing Bo . When his family faces danger while exploring Israel 's treasures , a famous Bible scholar helps Bo in ways he never thought possible . Bo must battle sinister forces that challenge his loyalty and true identity . Will he survive the greatest threat ever to his career , his family , and his life ? Glimpse tomorrow 's startling headlines as Bo risks it all to stop an enemy spy . Julia Rider bounced onto the cable car with a smile , her dream of journeying to this old - new land finally coming true . She marveled at the aqua sea rolling against Israel 's northern coast . Suddenly the steepest cable car in the world lurched and she rocketed down the sharp cliffs . Panic erupted , crawling up her throat . How could she remain calm in front of her children ? Though Gregg and Glenna giggled at the fast approaching water , Julia tried to steel herself . Strong winds jolting the cable car roiled her stomach . She squeezed her eyes shut . " At the bottom , I 'm searching for gold coins , " Gregg shouted over roaring winds . Julia gripped the middle railing , wishing she hadn 't listened to Clara Cohen . The Ambassador 's wife had coaxed her and the kids to join the last - second tour with other embassy wives to the towering Rosh ha - Nikra and the grottos . Her husband , Bo , toiled at the U . S . Embassy in Tel Aviv , completing an urgent project for his new boss , Ambassador Hal Cohen . Someone shook Julia 's arm and she popped open an eye . " Mom , look ! You 're missing the best part . " Gregg pointed at rugged cliffs zooming by . Julia blinked . In her eleven - year - old son 's shining gray eyes she glimpsed a much younger version of Bo . Would he follow his father 's footsteps into the CIA ? A shudder ripped through her . Bo lived to take risks and she didn 't want Gregg living in constant jeopardy . At least Bo 's new assignment in the State Department kept him close to home . Well , on most days . " Cool ! Watch those jets diving , " Gregg chirped , his nose plastered against the window . Julia 's daring glance upwards was rewarded by the sight of a jet swooping dangerously low . She reached for Glenna , and her thirteen - year - old daughter hurtled toward her just as two more fighter jets roared overhead . A moment later a huge explosion and fireball erupted in the sky . Here 's the book trailer for The Joshua Covenant : David and Diane are giving away a copy of The Joshua Covenant . The giveaway is only available to U . S . addresses . To be entered in the book giveaway , leave a comment . You can enter the book giveaway twice - - once on each spotlight post . Elementary . ; - ) I began writing stories in primary school in my spare time and completed my first novel at age 13 . So , um , there wasn 't much life before writing . = ) What book have you recently enjoyed reading ? Right now I 'm thoroughly engaged in A Necessary Deception by Laurie Alice Eakes . It 's Regency historical romance with strong suspense - in other words , perfection ! = ) If you were a dessert , what would you be ? Hmm . . . this time of year I think I 'd be pumpkin - cream - cheese gobs . This is one of the few recipes I developed myself , and I 'm happy to share it ! Perhaps if Lark recited the pirate 's code it would steal his attention . She could try standing on her head . Or if those options failed - as surely they would - she could throw herself to the floor before him . Except Emerson Fielding was as likely to mistake her for a rug as to realize he ought to help her up . Lark indulged in a long sigh and cast her gaze out the window . The plantation lay dormant and brown . Most days saw Papa and Wiley in Williamsburg , swapping stories at R . Charlton 's Coffeehouse . Emerson usually met them there , which was why this was the first she 'd seen him in a month . Heaven knew he wanted only to see them , never her . She wished her heart hadn 't fluttered when he entered the room . Wished the disappointment hadn 't followed so quickly when he barely glanced her way . Wished she had the courage to command his attention … and he the sense to give it without her command . Today his hair was unpowdered and gleamed sable . He was in undress , his coat the common one he wore every day , unlike what he was sure to don for her birthday dinner that evening . His smile lit up his eyes , his laugh lit up the room . Neither one did he direct toward her . Lark 's gaze flicked down to the emerald on her finger . Two years . Twenty - four months . Seven hundred thirty interminable days . Not that she was keeping account . " Hendricks ought to be at the coffeehouse about now , " her brother said , standing . He tugged his waistcoat into place and tightened the band around his hair . " We have just enough time for a cup of chocolate with him . " As if reading her mind , Wiley flashed a twinkling gaze her way and grinned . " Of course , you will want to wish my dear sister happy returns before we head out , Emerson . I shall go fetch my overcoat and hat while you do so . " For the first time in the two hours he had been there , Emerson looked her way . And like every time he looked her way , she wished she had more to offer his gaze . Perhaps if she shared the golden - haired beauty of her mother and sister , his eyes mightn 't go empty upon spotting her . Well , that earned a spark in his eyes . Not exactly one of delight or affection , though . " I take it you are not having a pleasant day . Well , perhaps I can brighten it . " He reached into his pocket , pulled out a box covered in a scrap of printed calico . She could manage no enthusiasm for what was sure to be another gift of jewels . He never seemed to grasp that she wanted no more things . She wanted his love - something he was either unwilling or incapable of giving . " What is it ? " " You haven 't any idea , have you ? " She shook her head and looked out the window again as he strode toward her chair . His mother had undoubtedly foisted it upon him as he left , otherwise he wouldn 't have remembered what the date signified . His breath hissed out . " Of course I know what it is , but you shan 't cajole it out of me . You will have to open it yourself to see . " The wrapped box appeared under her nose . She took it , careful to avoid brushing his outstretched palm with her fingers . It would only make awareness shiver up her arm , an unnecessary reminder of her unrequited attachment . Once she held it , though , she made no move to untie the ribbon . She shook herself . " But of course . I am certain you wish to hasten to your coffee and conversation . What will the topic be today ? Congresses , constitutions , or crop rotations ? " Wiley would have appreciated the alliteration . Emerson greeted it with a rudely arched brow . Tempted to return the insult and roll her eyes , she tugged at the bow . Unfolded the cloth . Lifted the lid of the small wooden box . Lessons in propriety had never covered how to handle a surprise like this . Lark gasped . Emerson muttered a curse that proved he not only knew not what present lay inside , he disapproved of his mother 's selection . His hand caught the box , but a war to rival the Revolution charged across his face . He wanted to take the jewels back , without question . But pride would not allow him . He held out the box . " Don 't be ridiculous . I want you to have it . " An unladylike snort nearly slipped out . " Yes , that was apparent from your reaction . I will not , Emerson . Your sisters have told me of this necklace , and I shan 't accept the most valuable possession in the Fielding family - especially when it becomes increasingly clear I will never be a member of said family . " The emerald on her left hand felt heavy . " Perhaps what I ought to do is return the ones you have already given . They are naught but mockery . " She reached for the clasp of the bracelet that matched the ring . Her breath caught when his fingers closed around her wrist . He all but growled . " You will do no such thing . " " Prithee , why not ? " Though she struggled to pull free , he held tight to her arm . " ' Tis obvious you 've no desire to make me your wife . For two years you have dodged every mention of nuptials , making a fool of me in front of our families and friends . For the life of me , I know not why you ever proposed . Release me . " He shook his head . " Calm yourself , Lark . Is that what this is about ? The blasted wedding date ? Deuces , I would agree to any date you want , if you would just be reasonable ! " " I have had my fill of reason . I want a morsel of your regard , and I will not marry you without it . " She gave one more vain tug against his fingers . " I tire of being alone at your side , Emerson . I cannot subject myself to a lifetime of it . " Through the tears burning her eyes , she saw his face harden , then relax . His grip eased , but he did not release her wrist . Simply pulled it down and then held her hand . The warmth that seeped into her palm belied the cool words she had spoken . Yet his smile was no more than it had ever been . " I have been remiss , darling , and I apologize . I assure you , you are my chosen bride . It has simply been a struggle to readjust to social life . After Yorktown … " Anger snapped at her heels again , largely because of the compassion he called up with the mere mention of Yorktown . How could anyone - man , woman , or child - argue with one who had been at the dreadful battle ? The moment a soldier uttered that word , all arguments necessarily ceased . In this particular case she could not help but think he used it for that very purpose . " Emerson - " " I shall make it up to you . Let us set a date this moment , and I will be the figure of devotion . " The idea seemed to pain him - his smile turned to a grimace . For a man with a reputation as a charmer , he did a remarkable job of dashing her heart to pieces . She sucked in a long breath . " I shan 't hold you to the engagement . If you - " " Not another word of such nonsense . Let us say the first Sunday in March , shall we ? The worst of the winter weather ought to be over by then . We can announce it to our parents this evening . " Emerson scraped the tavern chair across the wooden floor , fell onto its hard seat , and , for the first time in his memory , wished Wiley Benton would hold his tongue for five blasted minutes . He barely saw the familiar whitewashed walls , the wainscoting , the multitude of friendly faces . His mind still reeled , wrestling with images of those blinding diamonds - and the equally blinding tears in Lark 's eyes . What had Mother been thinking , blithely handing off the most valuable Fielding possessions ? The diamonds - to Lark . It was beyond fathoming . They would overwhelm her . Eclipse rather than complement . And to have them abiding outside Fielding Hall for the next several months … He looked up at the tavern 's owner but couldn 't dredge up a smile . No matter - Wiley would smile enough for the both of them . " Chocolate , " his friend said . As the proprietor stalked off , Wiley lifted his brows in that particular way that bespoke both humor and confusion . " What plagues you , man ? You have been playing the dunderhead ever since we left Endover . " " I played it while there too . " Indulging in a mild oath , he swept his tricorn off his head and plopped it onto the table between them . " I upset your sister . " Wiley took his hat off as well , his confusion plain on his face . " But Lark is so rarely in an ill temper . She especially shouldn 't have been , given the good news of our cousin 's delayed arrival . " Under normal circumstances , Emerson would have been amused at his friend 's perpetual dislike of the family soon arriving from Philadelphia . At this moment he gave not a fig who was coming or when . " Apparently all it takes is overreacting when one sees one 's mother wrapped up the family diamonds for her . " Instead of seeming satisfied , Wiley 's gaze went probing , and then accusing . " So simply ? After shifting the topic away from the wedding each time my parents mentioned it the past two years ? Frankly , Emerson , we have all doubted your intentions of making good on your promise . " " Of course I intend to make good on it . " It was an advantageous match all round . The Bentons were a wealthy , respected family , perfectly equal to the Fieldings . Lark herself would make an excellent wife . She was well bred , well taught , not homely - if not as lovely as her sister , who was now Mrs . Hendricks . Sweet of temperament - today aside . He liked her well enough and expected he would come to love her in a decade or so , once they had a brood of children between them . Wiley narrowed his eyes . " Emerson , you know I would welcome you eagerly into our family , but I confess the longer this drags out , the more misgivings I have . You treat my sister no differently now than you did when she was a child , dogging your heels and sending us up a tree to escape her . " Perhaps that was the problem . She still seemed twelve to him , as she had been when he 'd returned from England to fight for freedom from it . She still looked at him with the same blind adoration , still sat silently by whenever he was near . " Emerson . " Wiley 's tone had turned hard , though barely more than a murmur . " I will see my sister happy . If you still dream of Elizabeth , if you cannot love Lark , then release her from the betrothal and let her find someone who can . " The name snapped his spine straight . Fight as he might against it , the image nonetheless surfaced of a woman as opposite Lark as one could find . Did he dream of her ? Only in his worst nightmares . " Rest assured your sister is loved . " His friend 's eyes narrowed . " If I did not know better , I would call that a cunning evasion . Loved she is . But I would have her loved by you . " As would he . He could manage it , assuredly . He simply must put his mind to it , as he had to Newton 's Principia Mathematica back at King William 's School . " You have no reason to fear for your sister 's heart , Wiley . I will be a good husband . " In three short months . " You look more frightened than when we saw our first Redcoats advancing , muskets at the ready . " Amusement laced its way through the frustration in Wiley 's tone . " I would have many a laugh over this were it not my favorite sister that made you wince so . " " Benton , Fielding ! There you are . " Hendricks 's voice came from the corner of the room , where the man had stood and waved a greeting to them . " I shall join you in a moment . " " We await you eagerly , " Wiley replied with his usual grin . When he turned back around , it shifted and hardened into the expression few knew . But Emerson did , from the field of battle . It was the look that had always appeared on his friend 's face moments before he let out a war cry and charged into the thick of things . " If you hurt Lark , " he murmured so quietly Emerson could barely hear him , " I will kill you - or make you wish I had . " " I know you would . ' Tis not at issue . " Twenty - five years of friendship had not been threatened by competition , an ocean 's distance , or the ravages of war . He would not allow it to be distressed by one small , unassuming woman . You can purchase Annapolis from Amazon . Roseanna is giving away a copy of Love Finds You in Annapolis . To be entered in the book giveaway , leave a comment . You can enter the book giveaway twice - - once on each spotlight post . For US addresses only . Never did Lark think she 'd want to escape Emerson Fielding , the man she 's loved all her life . But when he betrays her , she flees to Annapolis , Maryland , the country 's capital . There Lark throws herself into a new circle of friends who force her to examine all she believes . Emerson follows , determined to reclaim his betrothed . Surprised when she refuses to return with him , he realizes that in this new country he has come to call his own , duty is no longer enough . He must learn to open his heart and soul to something greater … before he loses all he should have been fighting to hold . You can purchase Annapolis from Amazon . Roseanna is giving away a copy of Love Finds You in Annapolis . To be entered in the book giveaway , leave a comment . You can enter the book giveaway twice - - once on each spotlight post . For US addresses only . I 've always created , so before writing , there was knitting , crocheting , quilting , scrapbooking , photography . All of those were forced to give way when writing hit the scene . I haven 't looked back yet ! The one that impacted me the recently was Francine River 's And the Shofar Blew . I thought I 'd read all of hers until a friend mentioned this one . It was a powerful read and hit close to home . If you were a dessert , what would you be ? I 'd be anything with a chocolate - coffee mix . Let 's just be real and admit that I 'd be a mocha . Mocha is a dessert isn 't it ? ? Well , it should be . The births of my children are my most treasured memories . Both were born in Germany . Far from family , it was just me , Hubby , and the Lord working through that trying yet joyful time . And the reward ? Two beautiful children . My son is now ten and my daughter eight . My little jewels . What 's one of your dreaded things to do ? Fold laundry ! ! Working on kid - training . Problem with the kids folding is that my perfectionism doesn 't have much wiggle room for uneven towel edges . Bad combo . What is the Lord teaching you , or recently taught you ? My Lizzie and the Guernsey Gang book is already out in e - book format , but because it 's for children , I 'm anxiously awaiting the delayed paperback release sometime early 2012 . Lizzie 's story is based on actual events and is one of adventure and faith intended for children 8 + . Here 's a bit about it : Lizzie Browning loves nothing more than her tiny , island - home of Guernsey , but when German bombs drop on her crystal beach , her peaceful world explodes . For months , the big war in Europe has been nothing more than stories in the paper , but as the enemy takes over Guernsey , the war rushes to her doorstep . For Lizzie , younger brother Andre , and cousin James , the time to escape is now , and they know just how to do it . Phillip Seifert , the odd boy from down the street , has all the markings of a genuine Nazi - lover . Lizzie knows better than to trust him , but he somehow manages to weasel his way into James ' good graces . Phillip joins the gang in their audacious escape plan , and Lizzie can do little more than pray he doesn 't get them all shot . But Lizzie soon learns that God doesn 't always answer prayers in the way she expects . He might actually plan for them to live under Nazi rule … forever . April is giving away a copy of Warring Spirits . To be entered in the book giveaway , leave a comment . You can enter the book giveaway twice - - once on each spotlight post . April W Gardner resides in Georgia with her USAF husband and two sweet kiddos . She is the author of the historical romance series , the Creek Country Saga , as well as the children 's adventure series , the Channel Islands Resistance . She is the founder and senior editor of the fun literary website , Clash of the Titles . In 1816 Georgia , escaped slaves control the land just beyond the American border in Las Floridas . Lost somewhere between white and black worlds , Milly follows hope to the only place that can offer her refuge - the place Georgians are calling Negro Fort . The first , sweet taste of freedom convinces Milly that surrender is not an option . Death would be more welcome . Major Phillip Bailey has orders to subdue the uprising and return the runaways to their masters . Forced to fight alongside Creek warriors - the same who etched the scars into his mind and flesh - Phillip primes himself for battle . But inside , a war already rages - return for the woman he thought lost to him or concede her to the enemy she loves ; follow orders or follow his heart . Here 's an excerpt of Warring Spirits : Phillip knew it was a dream . He told himself again , though it did little good . The children 's shrieks grew louder . The flaming pickets roared with new life , as though fueled by his denial of their existence . His legs churned , but he couldn 't free his mind of the constant nightmare . At least this time , he reasoned , he wasn 't awake . Small blessings . Arms dangling at her sides and skirt undulating in the waves of heat , she stood across the compound . Her lips were motionless , but her voice echoed through his mind . " Phillip . " Taking in the comfort of her presence , he held his breath until his lungs burned with need . Refusing to be contained any longer , air exploded from his mouth . The sound ripped through the cabin , and in one blink , Adela vanished . Familiar nausea haunted his gut . With a growl , he threw his damp pillow across the room . The sound of splintering glass sent him scrambling for the musket by his bed . He had the unsteady barrel aimed toward the source before he realized he 'd been the cause of the commotion . He dropped the weapon and backed away from it as though it were a copperhead . Blood pounded in his throat . He swallowed hard , terrified of his own mind . There had to be a better way . " Help me . " His voice shivered , and for once , he was thankful to be alone . " Sweet Jesus , show me a better way . " " You look fine , Miss Milly . " Isum transferred the reins to one hand then wiped a palm against his dingy , knee - length trousers . A sideways glance topped his crooked smile . " As fine as any white lady in stole clothes . " " We 'll hear somebody comin ' before we see ' em . " Isum 's voice remained steady , his demeanor casual , and his shoulders relaxed . His death - grip on the reigns told another story . Three years ago , he had been as short and wiry as a plucked cotton bush . Now , his muscular , mahogany frame left little room to spare on the wagon seat . According to plantation gossip , the field girls took to nervous giggles whenever he came around . The master had perked up as well and taken to accepting bids . There was only one thing Master Landcastle needed more than strong field workers . Cash . The moment whispers in the big house revealed that Isum had been sold and would leave by dawn , Milly took action . There was no way she would let them take the only true friend she had , so ignoring the consequences , she loaded the buggy with vegetables . And one lady 's day gown . As was their weekly custom , she and Isum set off toward town . Only this time , instead of stopping at the market , they went straight through . Escape stories ran through Milly 's twenty - four years of memory . Had there been a single one where a slave had taken to the road while the sun was at its highest ? She shook her head . Since he first came to the plantation as a skinny tyke five years her younger , Isum had been her responsibility . She had cared for him as meticulously as she did her own flesh . About the time his gaze tilted downward in order to look her in the eye , they swapped roles , and his protectiveness had grown in proportion to his towering height . She frowned , opened the frilly contraption , and settled it against her shoulder . Immediately , her neck cooled . It did nothing for the bile rising in her throat . She swiveled and squinted at the road behind them . What options did she have ? Mr . Grayson 's features , twisting with his customary , terrifying rage , flashed before her mind 's eye . It 's too late . We can 't turn around . They should be moving faster . He swiped the floppy hat from his head and mopped his brow with his sleeve . " We ain 't alone . Best we not seem in too much of a hurry . " He indicated with his hat then settled it back in place before taking up a deliberate , relaxed posture . " What you worried about , Miss Milly ? You 's armed with the most beautiful smile this side of the Chattahoochee . Ain 't no gentleman gonna see past it to doubt your word . " But what if he wasn 't a gentleman ? Milly forced a wobbly smile then swept her hand under her bonnet , securing any strays . Within minutes , Isum pulled the buggy to a halt as the gentleman came alongside them . The creaking brake nearly sent Milly scrambling for the trees lining the road . Instead , she angled the parasol to shield her face , presumably , from the sun . Milly lowered the parasol and forced her gaze to the stranger 's eyes . She found them friendly and unsuspecting . " Good afternoon to you , sir . " Tucking her trembling hands into the folds of the closed parasol , she tried for that beautiful smile but feared she fell short of Isum 's expectations . A cold sweat broke out on her upper lip . Like venom , fear coursed through her , poisoning her confidence . Her gaze slipped to the dirt where it belonged . Milly 's line of sight skittered to the man 's chest , then , weighted by years of training , fell back to the ground . " I plan to trade with Creek in the next village . I hear they 'll give anything for a little food . " " So they will , poor devils . " The man laughed , making Milly 's skin crawl . He sidled his horse close to the buggy , and the smell of his cologne wafted down . " I appreciate a woman with a tender heart . " The man 's silence lured Milly 's hesitant gaze . A smile crept up his face . " There they are , those pretty brown eyes . " He tipped his hat , bowing slightly at the waist . " It would be my pleasure to escort you , miss . " " No . " The discourteous refusal popped out of its own volition . " Thank you , but that 's not necessary . We 're accustomed to the road . " A brisk mile later , Milly 's gloved hand still clutched the parasol in her lap . Tears burned her eyes at the thought of what might have happened . She blinked them away to find Isum grinning from ear to ear . A strangled chuckle escaped her . " Yes . I supposed we did . He never suspected a thing . " Milly laughed , full and long . It unwound the knotted cord in her gut , and suddenly , the road opened before them and filled with possibilities . Possibilities of a future . With Isum ? He had offered as much , and she hadn 't exactly rejected him . Neither had she accepted . She found it difficult to move past the years of near - mothering to feel something more toward him . And yet , she couldn 't imagine another man on earth who would willingly wed her . And from all indications , he was more than willing . Taking in a deep , cleansing breath , she turned and found his steady brown eyes on her . All joviality had fled . " Isum ? What is it ? " It was always the same with men . Many women longed for beauty , but for Milly , it was the key to her shackles . Perhaps today would commence the end of her nightmares . Even if it did , it certainly wouldn 't erase what had already been done to her . She tucked her chin against the nagging shame . She gripped Isum 's arm , words lodging in her throat . Jaw clenched , he focused on the horse as he pulled them to a stop . Running was futile . With quivering resignation , she removed her gloves and folded them neatly , just as the mistress had taught her . She couldn 't bring herself to look at Isum , to see hope shattered across his face . " I thought you were smarter than this , Milly . " Grayson , the overseer , laid one hand across his legs , loosely aiming a pistol in their direction . " A shame what 'll become of you now . " His false sympathy grated on her ears . Two of the others dismounted and dragged Isum from his seat . He struggled against their attempt to shackle him and was rewarded with a swift kick to the gut . Milly jumped from the buggy and scrambled to the side of Grayson 's horse . Her nails dug into the leather of his riding boot . " Please , it was my fault . I didn 't tell him I planned to run . " He guffawed and kicked her hand away . " He doesn 't answer to you , girl . And he 'll pay for his own foolishness . Just as you will . " He jerked the pistol . " You 're riding with me . " Too late , Milly noticed Grayson 's hand as he swiped for her again . She swayed back and away , but he compensated , stretching farther away from his horse . Fisting her blouse , he yanked her toward himself . With a cry , Milly locked her knees , sending her lower half sliding under the horse 's belly . She clung to Grayson 's arm , her weight tugging him down with her . " Let me loose . " His breath puffed hot in her ear . The horse skittered , its hooves striking the ground so close she felt the vibration through the dirt . It bolted away from them , sending Grayson tumbling from his perch . " Merciful , Lord , " she whispered through dusty lips . " Grab it ! " Isum screamed . Two held him belly - down , while the third locked one cuff on his ankle . His eyes bore into her , begging her to take action . Grayson 's gaze darted to the pistol the instant her fingers wrapped around the handle . Before he could pull himself to a sitting position , she had the barrel pointed at his head . " Make them stop . " Her voice trembled in time with her hands . No , she wouldn 't , but she could cripple him . In a way he 'd never hurt another woman again . Without a word , she redirected her aim . Steady . Keep it steady . She scooted back , further of his reach . " You heard me . " Grayson glared at her , his jaw working circles . From the corner of her eye , she noted the stillness that had settled on the opposite side of the road . Isum flailed once more and managed to dislodge himself from under his captors . " Unshackle him , " Milly called , her eyes never leaving Grayson 's . Isum pushed up and trotted to her side , lip bleeding and jaw swollen , but looking better than such a struggle should afford . " I got this here . " He took the weapon from her . " Think you can get the buggy into them trees ? " The sun had barely moved by the time Isum had all four men bound , gagged , and lashed to the wagon , which Milly had taken as far into the undergrowth as she could . While he secured the men 's bonds , Milly changed back into her comfortable , plain brown frock then scattered all the horses but two . Leading one to Isum , she smiled . On horseback , they could cut through the forest and make better time . At least until the ground grew too swampy . He gave her a boost then adjusted the stirrups with a swiftness that spoke of a lifetime in the master 's stables . Giving her foot a pat , he winked . " Now who 's the mastah of himself ? " She fingered the bonnet 's ribbon tied beneath her chin and shook her head . " It 's a bit soon to be so confident . We have a long trail ahead of us . " Mounted , Isum directed his horse alongside hers . With a quick yank , he loosened her bonnet 's ribbons . " You don 't need that no more . From here on , we 'll be exactly like the Almighty created us to be . " He clucked his tongue . " Your feet can run , but your heart , it gotta stop chasin ' after lies . It 's time you be who you 's meant to be . " Who I 'm meant to be ? " And what exactly am I ? " " A child of the King . And my girl . Nothin ' else mattuh . " She fingered the edge of her bonnet , while Grayson 's gaze gouged her back . She was more terrified to remove it than to turn the mare toward Florida . Heart running wild , she lifted the bonnet until a breeze tickled the hair on her forehead . With a smile born of unending patience , Isum released her horse . Her line of sight traveled to Grayson . From where he sat tied to the wagon wheel , the hatred emanating from his eyes scorched Milly 's weak resolve . " I can 't . " With a jerk to the reins , she twisted the horse 's bit out of Isum 's reach . Gripping the saddle with her thighs , she settled the bonnet back in place . A swift kick of her heel set the mare on the backwoods trail to Spanish Florida . For the third time in an hour , Major Phillip Bailey checked that his musket was properly primed and loaded . The Apalachicola River wound along on his right , and Creek warriors fanned out on the left . He was trapped . It had only been two years since many of these same warriors had surrendered to General Jackson at the conclusion of the Red Stick War . He scanned the surrounding pines for any sign of danger , whether from runaway slaves or friendly Creeks turned hostile . Downriver a ways and set back into the forest , the outline of a dwelling took shape . Like the many other slave - owned shacks they 'd come across , the place appeared abandoned , but that didn 't mean the owners weren 't lurking in the shadows , waiting to ambush them . If what was said about the runaway 's leader proved true , Chief Garcon wouldn 't allow Phillip and his men to waltz into the area without a dandy of a fight . It was no secret the Americans intended to neutralize the fort on Prospect Bluff , the stronghold they called Negro Fort . Its name alone struck fear in the hearts of southern Georgians . General Jackson had jumped at Spain 's approval of his crossing the Spanish - American border to defuse the tension and reclaim American property - the slaves . With its swamps , alligators , and prowling Seminoles , Las Floridas was wild country . Toss in three hundred armed and desperate runaways , and the place became hell on earth . Phillip had been the first to volunteer to invade that hell . Alligators and runaways , he could handle . Creek warriors were a different matter altogether . Running into them on the southerly trail had been a surprise to both parties . It just so happened that , this time , Creek and American objectives ran parallel . Or so the Indians said … Without warning , a regular stepped out from behind a tree blocking Phillip 's path . His rifle arm jerked . " In the name of all that 's holy , Corporal Higgins , get back in line . " Phillip spoke from between clenched teeth . The natives might see him and his men as a bunch of untrained idiots , but Phillip knew better . When not attacked on the sly and when properly prepared , there was no equal to Phillip 's army anywhere in the Americas . Hadn 't they proved it two years earlier by crippling the Creek Confederacy ? He passed Higgins ' scrawny frame as he busily fastened his broadfalls . " Didn 't mean to scare you , sir . " A poorly contained leer plucked at the man 's freckled cheeks . Phillip opened his mouth to refute the charge and put the private in his place , but the gravelly voice of Sergeant Garrigus beat him to it . " Idiot . You can 't rattle the major . He 's got nerves of iron . " Garrigus 's praise sounded sincere enough , but Phillip knew the truth and prayed every day no one else would discover it . " Enough chatter back there . Keep your mouths shut and your eyes peeled . " He cast a sideways glance at longtime friend and surgeon , Captain Marcus Buck . Marcus returned it with a faint smile that raised his flawless cheeks . Eyes , nose , mouth - each feature lined up perfectly . He might be a favorite with the ladies , if he took his nose out of medical books long enough to notice . " Are you enjoying the quiet too ? " Phillip subdued a grin and jerked his head toward the end of the loosely formed column . " I put him to work keeping Cook company . " Moisture sucked into his boot as he stepped into another pocket of muck . Swamp water soaked his half - gaiters and spattered his dirty white breeches . He shook his foot , longing for a pair of clean , dry stockings . An arduous , two - day trek behind them , Camp Crawford might have been nothing more than tents and pickets , but right now , it seemed pretty near to heaven . An Indian , head shaved on the sides , loped from the front of the line toward Phillip . His black hair , collected into a long tail , flipped through the air behind him . His face was a solemn , purposeful mask , and he clutched a tomahawk , as if ready for battle . A drumbeat sounded from nearby . Or was that the blood pounding Phillip 's eardrum ? This was it . The moment Phillip had been anticipating . One swing of this warrior 's blade would be the signal for the rest to attack . By sundown , every last American scalp would dangle from a pole . Unless Phillip did something to stop it . The drum increased its tempo . In his mind , he was back at Fort Mims , the fires licking at his heels . The world narrowed to the warrior streaking toward him . Phillip had known better than to trust these savages , but Colonel Clinch hadn 't listened . Phillip should give some sort of call to battle , but his brain went numb . Breath ragged , he raised his weapon to his shoulder and pointed the muzzle at the warrior 's chest . His stiff collar dug into the base of his head and his sweaty finger trembled against the cool trigger as he waited for the red man to raise his tomahawk . Instead , ten paces away , he came to a halt , his brown eyes boring into Phillip . The warrior lowered his weapon and slipped it into a loop on his waistband . Arms limp , his lean body visibly relaxed as he stood before Phillip . " Easy , now , " Marcus sounded as though he were calming a terrified child instead of addressing a superior officer . His voice rose barely above a whisper . " The men are watching . There 's no call for this . Not this time . " A massive vulture soared above them , pulling Phillip 's focus back to the man before him . As much as Phillip searched , he found not a hint of malice in the warrior 's steady gaze . " It 's nothing personal , you see . Major Bailey fought at Mim 's place . Next time you 're careless enough to run up on him that way , I 'll let him have at you , " Marcus stated with a half - grin . " No , best stop me , Captain Buck . No sense creating more work for yourself . " Phillip 's attempt at humor fell flat . He cleared his throat and turned to the Indian . " You have a message for me ? " The warrior took up a limping step beside them . " There is more , " he said , halting Phillip in his tracks . " Two dead . This side of river . " Phillip pointed two fingers downriver . " Take it to Colonel Clinch , on the double . " At the sound of Higgins ' scurrying footfalls , Phillip turned to Marcus . " Surgeon , you 're with me . " A silent crowd gathered ahead - around the wounded sailor , Phillip surmised . " Clear out , " he called as he shouldered his way through the throng . " Give the man space to breathe . " Marcus followed , bumping into Phillip 's back when he stopped short . His breath caught in his lungs . Scalped and brutally stabbed , two stripped men lay in a puddle of blood , their features frozen in twists of agony . Soldiers shifted , allowing the doctor room to press his fingers to each neck . He stood , retrieved a kerchief from his pocket , and wiped his hands , staining the cloth red . " Give me someone I can help , for heaven 's sake . " As Marcus stepped over the bodies , a tremble began deep inside Phillip . The quiver grew , moving into his stomach with a painful shudder . " We camp here . Private Davidson , inform Major Collins . Garrigus , set up a perimeter . " He tore his eyes from the grisly scene , stepped back , and then turned to Marcus . " Captain Buck , see to the wounded sailor , wherever he is . I 'll find you shortly . I 'm going to look for tracks before we lose daylight . " He pressed his lips tight and willed his stomach to cease its rebellion . Eyes riveted to a massive cypress twenty yards in , he forced certain images from his mind . Images of Fort Mims , of the dead and dying , of the corpses he had trampled in his fight for life . Satisfied the cypress hid him , he rested his hands on his knees . His head swam , and the world tipped . Closing his eyes , he focused on keeping his breath even and his army rations where they belonged . Every muscle in Phillip 's body froze , as he strained to pierce the obscurity of dusk . He saw nothing , heard nothing - besides voices carrying from the riverbed . Had he imagined the sound ? If he had , the fact wouldn 't astound him . Not anymore . The cry had possessed a human quality . Would he go so far as to say feminine ? His mind replayed the sound . Yes , he would . Had there been a female with the sailors ? Phillip knew of no situation where that might be permitted . Unwilling to believe he was hearing voices in his head , he set out in the direction his chapeau bra had landed . Musket going before him , he proceeded with carefully placed steps and peered into the ever - darkening forest beyond . This could be a trap , but it was worth the risk if it squelched the notion he was indeed mentally disordered . The bush shook violently . Phillip jerked his musket up then back down as a woman sprang from concealment . Her skirt snagged , abruptly halting her flight . As her hands battled to extricate the fabric , she lifted her bonneted head , exposing large , fearful eyes and a face which glowed pale in the waning daylight . Unless the encroaching night was playing tricks on him , this woman was white . Not the midnight skin of a runaway or the smooth olive of a Spaniard , but white . Nearly as white as Phillip . He settled the butt of his musket at his feet . " Ma ' am ? What are you doing out here ? " " Halt ! " Phillip flipped the weapon back into position and aimed it at the slave 's chest . Unfazed , he kept moving and would have intercepted the woman except for the stone she hurled . It thudded off his shoulder and stopped him dead in his tracks . The man 's shoulders rose and fell with each rapid breath , but his stony face showed no fear . " Then you bettah do it . Otherwise , it 'll be you what 's buried . See , I plan to make it to that fort , and losin ' my life to do it is no mattuh to me . " Phillip 's brother , Dixon , had often said that a man who didn 't value his own life made the most dangerous of enemies . This one wouldn 't live long enough to become that . Phillip leveled his musket 's barrel at the big man 's heart . Reflexively , he skipped to the side to maintain his aim on the man . " Step away , ma ' am . Don 't want you hurt . " What was she thinking ? She backed further away from him and dangerously close to the black man . " He didn 't run a hundred miles just to be shot down defenseless in the woods a day away from the only chance at freedom he 'll ever have . " Her voice shook , but her rigid back told Phillip she wouldn 't give in any time soon . He encased the woman in his arms , lifting her and covering the lower half of her face with a massive hand . " Hush , now , or you 'll call ' em all down on us . " Her startled cry preceded the man 's swift backward steps . He hurled a steely glare at Phillip . " You ain 't seen nothin ' . Ain 't talked to nobody . You hear , soldier ? " The ferocity in his voice chilled Phillip 's blood . One quick twist of the man 's hand was all it would take to snap the woman 's neck . Berating himself , Phillip released the barrel of his weapon and let it drop to the ground with a soft thud then splayed his hands in front of him . " No need to hurt her . Let her go , and I 'll never breathe a word I saw you . You can go right - " April is giving away a copy of Warring Spirits . To be entered in the book giveaway , leave a comment . You can enter the book giveaway twice - - once on each spotlight post . If you 're having trouble leaving a comment for a contest post , please don 't give up ! Email me at browncarole212 ( at ) yahoo ( dot ) com . I 'll be sure to add your comment so you 'll have your chance to win a book ( s ) . Have a happy day ! Unless otherwise noted , only U . S . addresses will be eligible for the book drawings . The Book Loft spotlights and interviews 3 Christian authors each week and hosts book giveaways . For each author there are TWO posts and you can enter their giveaway on each of the posts , giving you two entries in the drawing . Unless stated otherwise , each post has a giveaway . To enter the book drawings , leave comments on the books you 're interested in . Each giveaway is open for at least one week then the winners are posted on Wednesday . It is the winner 's responsibility to contact me with their address . Use the tab above or email me at sharonalavy at gmail dot com
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As far as suspense goes , Steven James is one of the best , Christian or secular . I also read my first " Triple Threat " novel by Lisa Wiehl and was favorably impressed . I also recently read the winner of last year 's Carol award for historical romance , Love Finds You in Homestead , Iowa , and felt it was very deserving of the honor ! Great question ! Which should be a snap , since I 'm a musician . Let 's see . Make me a country music song , where simple pleasures are best and every trouble in life gets turned into a work of art . Something that suggests I have OCD at some level - I 'm forever doing math . I used to pass the time waiting for a bus by reviewing times tables ( up to 20 x 20 ) . I count in song : Instead of the nursery rhyme , " Pussy cat , pussy cat , where have you been , " I sing " one two three , four five six , seven eight nine . " It 's so habitual that as soon as I start singing , my cat jumps up because she knows I 'm about to move . Maple Notch Brides , the repack of my three Vermont historical romances , has just been released . I 'm originally from New England , so I had a lot of fun writing about my back yard . I wanted my stories to have a real Vermont feel . Pamela Griffin used the maple sugar industry as a backdrop for her contemporary set , Vermont Weddings . So I used a covered bridge that plays a role in each story . In the first book , it 's still a tree . . . the first covered bridge wasn 't built for another thirty years . Climb into adventure in the Green Mountain State where party politics , parental pressure , and personal misperceptions challenge three couples . Sally Reid and her family of Patriots are in hiding . Can she trust Josiah Tuttle , a man whose father is loyal to King George ? ( Prodigal Patriot , a Revolutionary War story ) Beatrice Bailey 's wealthy father wants his daughter to marry up - not down . Does farmer Calvin Tuttle have any chance of winning Beatrice 's heart and her father 's blessing ? ( Bridge to Love , a Year of No Summer story ) Clara Farley has accepted the role of spinster . Can Daniel Tuttle get her to change her mind ? ( Love 's Raid , a Civil War story ) Will God show these couples a way above the fray ? Darlene is giving away a copy of Maple Notch Brides . The giveaway is only available to U . S . addresses . To be entered in the book giveaway , leave a comment . You can enter the book giveaway twice - - once on each spotlight post . She recently signed the contract for her twentieth novel . She is also a prolific devotional author with over 200 devotions in print . Visit Darlene 's blog , Darlene Franklin Writes . Sally Reid and her family of Patriots are in hiding . Can she trust Josiah Tuttle , a man whose father is loyal to King George ? ( Prodigal Patriot , a Revolutionary War story ) Beatrice Bailey 's wealthy father wants his daughter to marry up - not down . Does farmer Calvin Tuttle have any chance of winning Beatrice 's heart and her father 's blessing ? ( Bridge to Love , a Year of No Summer story ) Clara Farley has accepted the role of spinster . Can Daniel Tuttle get her to change her mind ? ( Love 's Raid , a Civil War story ) Will God show these couples a way above the fray ? Today was a glorious day to be outside , Sally Reid decided as she went about her morning chores . Cool air flowed down from the mountains , scented with pine , the evergreen trees that gave the " Verts Monts , " or the Green Mountains , their name . The sun overhead promised sunshine and warmth , and green shoots pushed up through the ground . She loved the rhythms of farm life , the cycles of sowing , growing , reaping , and resting . A song of praise burst from her lips . Sally stopped in mid - verse . Her singing called for no audience beyond the chickens who clucked along with her . Pa teased that she had the voice of a crow . Of all people , who should catch her in her morning serenade but Josiah Tuttle . " Morning to you , Mr . Tuttle . " He smiled at her , the same grin that had infuriated her since childhood . It always put her in mind of the day he pulled the mobcap off her head after she 'd had the measles . Clumps of her straight , oak - colored hair came off with the mobcap , and she had run home and refused to come out again . Remembering , she put a hand to the top of her head , making sure its covering was in place . Josiah 's hair was as black now as it had been then , the same red highlights created by the sun . But the years had transformed him from a skinny lad to a stalwart man , tall and well built . Not that she would ever make mention of the fact . " I haven 't seen him . " Sally wondered if they required a chaperone for this conversation . Anyone could see them in the open dooryard . In fact , she saw a flicker in the opening in the cabin wall - probably her little sister , Nellie . Next thing Sally knew , Nellie would start announcing that Josiah was calling on her to everyone who stopped by . Darlene is giving away a copy of Maple Notch Brides . The giveaway is only available to U . S . addresses . To be entered in the book giveaway , leave a comment . You can enter the book giveaway twice - - once on each spotlight post . Yes ! Our faith in God in troubled times and His protection over David in his cases has a huge place in The Joshua Covenant . Also we have both been more alert to events in Israel , Egypt , Syria , and Lebanon since 9 / 11 , to which readers of our first novel , Facing Justice can relate . We have been studying what the Bible says about Israel and have begun to better understand the prophetic books in the Bible . So as we finished our last novel , Redeeming Liberty with CIA agent Bo Rider being sent to Israel , we researched the region where people have been fighting for thousands of years . Through much prayer and discussion , we believe we have crafted another spy thriller that readers will find gives them a glimpse of tomorrow 's headlines . The more we wrote about Bo 's struggles to stop an enemy spy in America 's embassy in Tel Aviv , the more we realized this is a story of God 's promises to His people . Bo comes face - to - face with what that means for today and not just thousands of years ago when Joshua brought the Israelites across the Jordan River . The Bible tells us to pray for the peace of Jerusalem , which takes on new meaning with all that is happening in Egypt , Libya and Iran . For The Joshua Covenant , Diane consumed a myriad of books on prophecy , including one by David Jeremiah . She enjoys Joel Rosenberg , Robert Whitlow , Terri Blackstock , recently adding Colleen Coble . Also high on her list are George MacDonald 's novels , which blend mystery with a strong spiritual emphasis . For nonfiction , the last book Diane read was by Jim Samra , The Gift of Church , with Radical on her to - read list . David was an NCIS agent . Are your books at all like the popular TV show ? Those who watch the show with the highest ratings on TV know NCIS has a large cast . So do our books . Like the TV show , our major characters , i . e . , federal agents Eva Montanna , Griff Topping , and Bo Rider , return in our subsequent thrillers . However , as NCIS can be watched in any order , so it is with our books . Each of our novels begins and ends an episode . David worked in foreign counter intelligence , so some of our thrillers have international spying themes . His criminal law enforcement and Diane 's Federal prosecutions / legal work provide for the exciting suspense themes at home here in the U . S . Click here to see a trailer comparing David to the show 's star Mark Harmon . " Yeah , that was incredible , Diane . All we were doing was trying to defend a mission organization when a murder occurred right outside their gate . How could we know that we 'd incur the wrath of the KGB ? " Diane reached over and squeezed his hand . " Our time there gave me insights into the dangers you faced in your work . I 'm so thankful you were there supporting me . And to think we negotiated with the KGB , the mayor , and the Police Chief , all in the span of two days . I was never so glad as when our airplane finally landed back in the States . " " Me too ! I guess it was all in God 's timing , " David said , flashing a grand smile . " We almost didn 't go on that trip . " Diane would much rather write , photograph nature , create scrapbook pages , watch NCIS or almost anything besides going after dust bunnies . They 're no fun at all . LOL David eats what he detests first ( broccoli anyone ? ) so he can enjoy the rest . That 's how he lives life . What 's your favorite meal with family and friends ? We both love to celebrate Thanksgiving , with all the fixings such as creamy mashed potatoes , stuffing , cranberry sauce , and loads of tasty vegetables . David had never seen a family that eats as many vegetables as Diane 's . One summer , David cooked a turkey outside on the gas grill for our extended family , and we called it Thanksgiving in July . The November holiday is also a wonderful day to share with family and to thank God for all our blessings . Here 's a recipe for apple stuffing Diane has made over the years : Bake for one hour in a 325 degree oven , adding more broth if dry . Serve with roasted turkey or chicken and enjoy . Share a verse or Scripture passage with us that is special to you . So many verses in the book of John show us the truth of Jesus Christ . John 1 : 1 reveals Jesus is the Word from the beginning of time , He is part of the Godhead , and Jesus created all things . How fantastic is that ? John 3 : 16 shares the gift of Jesus sent by God the Father . In John 14 : 6 , Jesus shares how He is " the Way , the Truth , the Life . No one comes through the Father except through Me . " The Love of Jesus is pure , it never leaves us when we seek Him , and lasts for eternity . Jesus is the hope for all the world . Night Flight will be released in the fall of 2012 . Bo and Julia Rider adopt a Golden Retriever for their kids , Glenna and Gregg , without telling them that Blaze was a working dog . When Glenna and Gregg discover Blaze has special powers they put him to work and become crime - busters . While our next thriller is aimed at teens , we think adults will also enjoy the family friendly excitement and intrigue . David and Diane are giving away a copy of The Joshua Covenant . The giveaway is only available to U . S . addresses . To be entered in the book giveaway , leave a comment . You can enter the book giveaway twice - - once on each spotlight post . Bo serves in America 's Embassy using his real name only to discover a menacing plot jeopardizing Bo . When his family faces danger while exploring Israel 's treasures , a famous Bible scholar helps Bo in ways he never thought possible . Bo must battle sinister forces that challenge his loyalty and true identity . Will he survive the greatest threat ever to his career , his family , and his life ? Glimpse tomorrow 's startling headlines as Bo risks it all to stop an enemy spy . Julia Rider bounced onto the cable car with a smile , her dream of journeying to this old - new land finally coming true . She marveled at the aqua sea rolling against Israel 's northern coast . Suddenly the steepest cable car in the world lurched and she rocketed down the sharp cliffs . Panic erupted , crawling up her throat . How could she remain calm in front of her children ? Though Gregg and Glenna giggled at the fast approaching water , Julia tried to steel herself . Strong winds jolting the cable car roiled her stomach . She squeezed her eyes shut . " At the bottom , I 'm searching for gold coins , " Gregg shouted over roaring winds . Julia gripped the middle railing , wishing she hadn 't listened to Clara Cohen . The Ambassador 's wife had coaxed her and the kids to join the last - second tour with other embassy wives to the towering Rosh ha - Nikra and the grottos . Her husband , Bo , toiled at the U . S . Embassy in Tel Aviv , completing an urgent project for his new boss , Ambassador Hal Cohen . Someone shook Julia 's arm and she popped open an eye . " Mom , look ! You 're missing the best part . " Gregg pointed at rugged cliffs zooming by . Julia blinked . In her eleven - year - old son 's shining gray eyes she glimpsed a much younger version of Bo . Would he follow his father 's footsteps into the CIA ? A shudder ripped through her . Bo lived to take risks and she didn 't want Gregg living in constant jeopardy . At least Bo 's new assignment in the State Department kept him close to home . Well , on most days . " Cool ! Watch those jets diving , " Gregg chirped , his nose plastered against the window . Julia 's daring glance upwards was rewarded by the sight of a jet swooping dangerously low . She reached for Glenna , and her thirteen - year - old daughter hurtled toward her just as two more fighter jets roared overhead . A moment later a huge explosion and fireball erupted in the sky . Here 's the book trailer for The Joshua Covenant : David and Diane are giving away a copy of The Joshua Covenant . The giveaway is only available to U . S . addresses . To be entered in the book giveaway , leave a comment . You can enter the book giveaway twice - - once on each spotlight post . Elementary . ; - ) I began writing stories in primary school in my spare time and completed my first novel at age 13 . So , um , there wasn 't much life before writing . = ) What book have you recently enjoyed reading ? Right now I 'm thoroughly engaged in A Necessary Deception by Laurie Alice Eakes . It 's Regency historical romance with strong suspense - in other words , perfection ! = ) If you were a dessert , what would you be ? Hmm . . . this time of year I think I 'd be pumpkin - cream - cheese gobs . This is one of the few recipes I developed myself , and I 'm happy to share it ! Perhaps if Lark recited the pirate 's code it would steal his attention . She could try standing on her head . Or if those options failed - as surely they would - she could throw herself to the floor before him . Except Emerson Fielding was as likely to mistake her for a rug as to realize he ought to help her up . Lark indulged in a long sigh and cast her gaze out the window . The plantation lay dormant and brown . Most days saw Papa and Wiley in Williamsburg , swapping stories at R . Charlton 's Coffeehouse . Emerson usually met them there , which was why this was the first she 'd seen him in a month . Heaven knew he wanted only to see them , never her . She wished her heart hadn 't fluttered when he entered the room . Wished the disappointment hadn 't followed so quickly when he barely glanced her way . Wished she had the courage to command his attention … and he the sense to give it without her command . Today his hair was unpowdered and gleamed sable . He was in undress , his coat the common one he wore every day , unlike what he was sure to don for her birthday dinner that evening . His smile lit up his eyes , his laugh lit up the room . Neither one did he direct toward her . Lark 's gaze flicked down to the emerald on her finger . Two years . Twenty - four months . Seven hundred thirty interminable days . Not that she was keeping account . " Hendricks ought to be at the coffeehouse about now , " her brother said , standing . He tugged his waistcoat into place and tightened the band around his hair . " We have just enough time for a cup of chocolate with him . " As if reading her mind , Wiley flashed a twinkling gaze her way and grinned . " Of course , you will want to wish my dear sister happy returns before we head out , Emerson . I shall go fetch my overcoat and hat while you do so . " For the first time in the two hours he had been there , Emerson looked her way . And like every time he looked her way , she wished she had more to offer his gaze . Perhaps if she shared the golden - haired beauty of her mother and sister , his eyes mightn 't go empty upon spotting her . Well , that earned a spark in his eyes . Not exactly one of delight or affection , though . " I take it you are not having a pleasant day . Well , perhaps I can brighten it . " He reached into his pocket , pulled out a box covered in a scrap of printed calico . She could manage no enthusiasm for what was sure to be another gift of jewels . He never seemed to grasp that she wanted no more things . She wanted his love - something he was either unwilling or incapable of giving . " What is it ? " " You haven 't any idea , have you ? " She shook her head and looked out the window again as he strode toward her chair . His mother had undoubtedly foisted it upon him as he left , otherwise he wouldn 't have remembered what the date signified . His breath hissed out . " Of course I know what it is , but you shan 't cajole it out of me . You will have to open it yourself to see . " The wrapped box appeared under her nose . She took it , careful to avoid brushing his outstretched palm with her fingers . It would only make awareness shiver up her arm , an unnecessary reminder of her unrequited attachment . Once she held it , though , she made no move to untie the ribbon . She shook herself . " But of course . I am certain you wish to hasten to your coffee and conversation . What will the topic be today ? Congresses , constitutions , or crop rotations ? " Wiley would have appreciated the alliteration . Emerson greeted it with a rudely arched brow . Tempted to return the insult and roll her eyes , she tugged at the bow . Unfolded the cloth . Lifted the lid of the small wooden box . Lessons in propriety had never covered how to handle a surprise like this . Lark gasped . Emerson muttered a curse that proved he not only knew not what present lay inside , he disapproved of his mother 's selection . His hand caught the box , but a war to rival the Revolution charged across his face . He wanted to take the jewels back , without question . But pride would not allow him . He held out the box . " Don 't be ridiculous . I want you to have it . " An unladylike snort nearly slipped out . " Yes , that was apparent from your reaction . I will not , Emerson . Your sisters have told me of this necklace , and I shan 't accept the most valuable possession in the Fielding family - especially when it becomes increasingly clear I will never be a member of said family . " The emerald on her left hand felt heavy . " Perhaps what I ought to do is return the ones you have already given . They are naught but mockery . " She reached for the clasp of the bracelet that matched the ring . Her breath caught when his fingers closed around her wrist . He all but growled . " You will do no such thing . " " Prithee , why not ? " Though she struggled to pull free , he held tight to her arm . " ' Tis obvious you 've no desire to make me your wife . For two years you have dodged every mention of nuptials , making a fool of me in front of our families and friends . For the life of me , I know not why you ever proposed . Release me . " He shook his head . " Calm yourself , Lark . Is that what this is about ? The blasted wedding date ? Deuces , I would agree to any date you want , if you would just be reasonable ! " " I have had my fill of reason . I want a morsel of your regard , and I will not marry you without it . " She gave one more vain tug against his fingers . " I tire of being alone at your side , Emerson . I cannot subject myself to a lifetime of it . " Through the tears burning her eyes , she saw his face harden , then relax . His grip eased , but he did not release her wrist . Simply pulled it down and then held her hand . The warmth that seeped into her palm belied the cool words she had spoken . Yet his smile was no more than it had ever been . " I have been remiss , darling , and I apologize . I assure you , you are my chosen bride . It has simply been a struggle to readjust to social life . After Yorktown … " Anger snapped at her heels again , largely because of the compassion he called up with the mere mention of Yorktown . How could anyone - man , woman , or child - argue with one who had been at the dreadful battle ? The moment a soldier uttered that word , all arguments necessarily ceased . In this particular case she could not help but think he used it for that very purpose . " Emerson - " " I shall make it up to you . Let us set a date this moment , and I will be the figure of devotion . " The idea seemed to pain him - his smile turned to a grimace . For a man with a reputation as a charmer , he did a remarkable job of dashing her heart to pieces . She sucked in a long breath . " I shan 't hold you to the engagement . If you - " " Not another word of such nonsense . Let us say the first Sunday in March , shall we ? The worst of the winter weather ought to be over by then . We can announce it to our parents this evening . " Emerson scraped the tavern chair across the wooden floor , fell onto its hard seat , and , for the first time in his memory , wished Wiley Benton would hold his tongue for five blasted minutes . He barely saw the familiar whitewashed walls , the wainscoting , the multitude of friendly faces . His mind still reeled , wrestling with images of those blinding diamonds - and the equally blinding tears in Lark 's eyes . What had Mother been thinking , blithely handing off the most valuable Fielding possessions ? The diamonds - to Lark . It was beyond fathoming . They would overwhelm her . Eclipse rather than complement . And to have them abiding outside Fielding Hall for the next several months … He looked up at the tavern 's owner but couldn 't dredge up a smile . No matter - Wiley would smile enough for the both of them . " Chocolate , " his friend said . As the proprietor stalked off , Wiley lifted his brows in that particular way that bespoke both humor and confusion . " What plagues you , man ? You have been playing the dunderhead ever since we left Endover . " " I played it while there too . " Indulging in a mild oath , he swept his tricorn off his head and plopped it onto the table between them . " I upset your sister . " Wiley took his hat off as well , his confusion plain on his face . " But Lark is so rarely in an ill temper . She especially shouldn 't have been , given the good news of our cousin 's delayed arrival . " Under normal circumstances , Emerson would have been amused at his friend 's perpetual dislike of the family soon arriving from Philadelphia . At this moment he gave not a fig who was coming or when . " Apparently all it takes is overreacting when one sees one 's mother wrapped up the family diamonds for her . " Instead of seeming satisfied , Wiley 's gaze went probing , and then accusing . " So simply ? After shifting the topic away from the wedding each time my parents mentioned it the past two years ? Frankly , Emerson , we have all doubted your intentions of making good on your promise . " " Of course I intend to make good on it . " It was an advantageous match all round . The Bentons were a wealthy , respected family , perfectly equal to the Fieldings . Lark herself would make an excellent wife . She was well bred , well taught , not homely - if not as lovely as her sister , who was now Mrs . Hendricks . Sweet of temperament - today aside . He liked her well enough and expected he would come to love her in a decade or so , once they had a brood of children between them . Wiley narrowed his eyes . " Emerson , you know I would welcome you eagerly into our family , but I confess the longer this drags out , the more misgivings I have . You treat my sister no differently now than you did when she was a child , dogging your heels and sending us up a tree to escape her . " Perhaps that was the problem . She still seemed twelve to him , as she had been when he 'd returned from England to fight for freedom from it . She still looked at him with the same blind adoration , still sat silently by whenever he was near . " Emerson . " Wiley 's tone had turned hard , though barely more than a murmur . " I will see my sister happy . If you still dream of Elizabeth , if you cannot love Lark , then release her from the betrothal and let her find someone who can . " The name snapped his spine straight . Fight as he might against it , the image nonetheless surfaced of a woman as opposite Lark as one could find . Did he dream of her ? Only in his worst nightmares . " Rest assured your sister is loved . " His friend 's eyes narrowed . " If I did not know better , I would call that a cunning evasion . Loved she is . But I would have her loved by you . " As would he . He could manage it , assuredly . He simply must put his mind to it , as he had to Newton 's Principia Mathematica back at King William 's School . " You have no reason to fear for your sister 's heart , Wiley . I will be a good husband . " In three short months . " You look more frightened than when we saw our first Redcoats advancing , muskets at the ready . " Amusement laced its way through the frustration in Wiley 's tone . " I would have many a laugh over this were it not my favorite sister that made you wince so . " " Benton , Fielding ! There you are . " Hendricks 's voice came from the corner of the room , where the man had stood and waved a greeting to them . " I shall join you in a moment . " " We await you eagerly , " Wiley replied with his usual grin . When he turned back around , it shifted and hardened into the expression few knew . But Emerson did , from the field of battle . It was the look that had always appeared on his friend 's face moments before he let out a war cry and charged into the thick of things . " If you hurt Lark , " he murmured so quietly Emerson could barely hear him , " I will kill you - or make you wish I had . " " I know you would . ' Tis not at issue . " Twenty - five years of friendship had not been threatened by competition , an ocean 's distance , or the ravages of war . He would not allow it to be distressed by one small , unassuming woman . You can purchase Annapolis from Amazon . Roseanna is giving away a copy of Love Finds You in Annapolis . To be entered in the book giveaway , leave a comment . You can enter the book giveaway twice - - once on each spotlight post . For US addresses only . Never did Lark think she 'd want to escape Emerson Fielding , the man she 's loved all her life . But when he betrays her , she flees to Annapolis , Maryland , the country 's capital . There Lark throws herself into a new circle of friends who force her to examine all she believes . Emerson follows , determined to reclaim his betrothed . Surprised when she refuses to return with him , he realizes that in this new country he has come to call his own , duty is no longer enough . He must learn to open his heart and soul to something greater … before he loses all he should have been fighting to hold . You can purchase Annapolis from Amazon . Roseanna is giving away a copy of Love Finds You in Annapolis . To be entered in the book giveaway , leave a comment . You can enter the book giveaway twice - - once on each spotlight post . For US addresses only . I 've always created , so before writing , there was knitting , crocheting , quilting , scrapbooking , photography . All of those were forced to give way when writing hit the scene . I haven 't looked back yet ! The one that impacted me the recently was Francine River 's And the Shofar Blew . I thought I 'd read all of hers until a friend mentioned this one . It was a powerful read and hit close to home . If you were a dessert , what would you be ? I 'd be anything with a chocolate - coffee mix . Let 's just be real and admit that I 'd be a mocha . Mocha is a dessert isn 't it ? ? Well , it should be . The births of my children are my most treasured memories . Both were born in Germany . Far from family , it was just me , Hubby , and the Lord working through that trying yet joyful time . And the reward ? Two beautiful children . My son is now ten and my daughter eight . My little jewels . What 's one of your dreaded things to do ? Fold laundry ! ! Working on kid - training . Problem with the kids folding is that my perfectionism doesn 't have much wiggle room for uneven towel edges . Bad combo . What is the Lord teaching you , or recently taught you ? My Lizzie and the Guernsey Gang book is already out in e - book format , but because it 's for children , I 'm anxiously awaiting the delayed paperback release sometime early 2012 . Lizzie 's story is based on actual events and is one of adventure and faith intended for children 8 + . Here 's a bit about it : Lizzie Browning loves nothing more than her tiny , island - home of Guernsey , but when German bombs drop on her crystal beach , her peaceful world explodes . For months , the big war in Europe has been nothing more than stories in the paper , but as the enemy takes over Guernsey , the war rushes to her doorstep . For Lizzie , younger brother Andre , and cousin James , the time to escape is now , and they know just how to do it . Phillip Seifert , the odd boy from down the street , has all the markings of a genuine Nazi - lover . Lizzie knows better than to trust him , but he somehow manages to weasel his way into James ' good graces . Phillip joins the gang in their audacious escape plan , and Lizzie can do little more than pray he doesn 't get them all shot . But Lizzie soon learns that God doesn 't always answer prayers in the way she expects . He might actually plan for them to live under Nazi rule … forever . April is giving away a copy of Warring Spirits . To be entered in the book giveaway , leave a comment . You can enter the book giveaway twice - - once on each spotlight post . April W Gardner resides in Georgia with her USAF husband and two sweet kiddos . She is the author of the historical romance series , the Creek Country Saga , as well as the children 's adventure series , the Channel Islands Resistance . She is the founder and senior editor of the fun literary website , Clash of the Titles . In 1816 Georgia , escaped slaves control the land just beyond the American border in Las Floridas . Lost somewhere between white and black worlds , Milly follows hope to the only place that can offer her refuge - the place Georgians are calling Negro Fort . The first , sweet taste of freedom convinces Milly that surrender is not an option . Death would be more welcome . Major Phillip Bailey has orders to subdue the uprising and return the runaways to their masters . Forced to fight alongside Creek warriors - the same who etched the scars into his mind and flesh - Phillip primes himself for battle . But inside , a war already rages - return for the woman he thought lost to him or concede her to the enemy she loves ; follow orders or follow his heart . Here 's an excerpt of Warring Spirits : Phillip knew it was a dream . He told himself again , though it did little good . The children 's shrieks grew louder . The flaming pickets roared with new life , as though fueled by his denial of their existence . His legs churned , but he couldn 't free his mind of the constant nightmare . At least this time , he reasoned , he wasn 't awake . Small blessings . Arms dangling at her sides and skirt undulating in the waves of heat , she stood across the compound . Her lips were motionless , but her voice echoed through his mind . " Phillip . " Taking in the comfort of her presence , he held his breath until his lungs burned with need . Refusing to be contained any longer , air exploded from his mouth . The sound ripped through the cabin , and in one blink , Adela vanished . Familiar nausea haunted his gut . With a growl , he threw his damp pillow across the room . The sound of splintering glass sent him scrambling for the musket by his bed . He had the unsteady barrel aimed toward the source before he realized he 'd been the cause of the commotion . He dropped the weapon and backed away from it as though it were a copperhead . Blood pounded in his throat . He swallowed hard , terrified of his own mind . There had to be a better way . " Help me . " His voice shivered , and for once , he was thankful to be alone . " Sweet Jesus , show me a better way . " " You look fine , Miss Milly . " Isum transferred the reins to one hand then wiped a palm against his dingy , knee - length trousers . A sideways glance topped his crooked smile . " As fine as any white lady in stole clothes . " " We 'll hear somebody comin ' before we see ' em . " Isum 's voice remained steady , his demeanor casual , and his shoulders relaxed . His death - grip on the reigns told another story . Three years ago , he had been as short and wiry as a plucked cotton bush . Now , his muscular , mahogany frame left little room to spare on the wagon seat . According to plantation gossip , the field girls took to nervous giggles whenever he came around . The master had perked up as well and taken to accepting bids . There was only one thing Master Landcastle needed more than strong field workers . Cash . The moment whispers in the big house revealed that Isum had been sold and would leave by dawn , Milly took action . There was no way she would let them take the only true friend she had , so ignoring the consequences , she loaded the buggy with vegetables . And one lady 's day gown . As was their weekly custom , she and Isum set off toward town . Only this time , instead of stopping at the market , they went straight through . Escape stories ran through Milly 's twenty - four years of memory . Had there been a single one where a slave had taken to the road while the sun was at its highest ? She shook her head . Since he first came to the plantation as a skinny tyke five years her younger , Isum had been her responsibility . She had cared for him as meticulously as she did her own flesh . About the time his gaze tilted downward in order to look her in the eye , they swapped roles , and his protectiveness had grown in proportion to his towering height . She frowned , opened the frilly contraption , and settled it against her shoulder . Immediately , her neck cooled . It did nothing for the bile rising in her throat . She swiveled and squinted at the road behind them . What options did she have ? Mr . Grayson 's features , twisting with his customary , terrifying rage , flashed before her mind 's eye . It 's too late . We can 't turn around . They should be moving faster . He swiped the floppy hat from his head and mopped his brow with his sleeve . " We ain 't alone . Best we not seem in too much of a hurry . " He indicated with his hat then settled it back in place before taking up a deliberate , relaxed posture . " What you worried about , Miss Milly ? You 's armed with the most beautiful smile this side of the Chattahoochee . Ain 't no gentleman gonna see past it to doubt your word . " But what if he wasn 't a gentleman ? Milly forced a wobbly smile then swept her hand under her bonnet , securing any strays . Within minutes , Isum pulled the buggy to a halt as the gentleman came alongside them . The creaking brake nearly sent Milly scrambling for the trees lining the road . Instead , she angled the parasol to shield her face , presumably , from the sun . Milly lowered the parasol and forced her gaze to the stranger 's eyes . She found them friendly and unsuspecting . " Good afternoon to you , sir . " Tucking her trembling hands into the folds of the closed parasol , she tried for that beautiful smile but feared she fell short of Isum 's expectations . A cold sweat broke out on her upper lip . Like venom , fear coursed through her , poisoning her confidence . Her gaze slipped to the dirt where it belonged . Milly 's line of sight skittered to the man 's chest , then , weighted by years of training , fell back to the ground . " I plan to trade with Creek in the next village . I hear they 'll give anything for a little food . " " So they will , poor devils . " The man laughed , making Milly 's skin crawl . He sidled his horse close to the buggy , and the smell of his cologne wafted down . " I appreciate a woman with a tender heart . " The man 's silence lured Milly 's hesitant gaze . A smile crept up his face . " There they are , those pretty brown eyes . " He tipped his hat , bowing slightly at the waist . " It would be my pleasure to escort you , miss . " " No . " The discourteous refusal popped out of its own volition . " Thank you , but that 's not necessary . We 're accustomed to the road . " A brisk mile later , Milly 's gloved hand still clutched the parasol in her lap . Tears burned her eyes at the thought of what might have happened . She blinked them away to find Isum grinning from ear to ear . A strangled chuckle escaped her . " Yes . I supposed we did . He never suspected a thing . " Milly laughed , full and long . It unwound the knotted cord in her gut , and suddenly , the road opened before them and filled with possibilities . Possibilities of a future . With Isum ? He had offered as much , and she hadn 't exactly rejected him . Neither had she accepted . She found it difficult to move past the years of near - mothering to feel something more toward him . And yet , she couldn 't imagine another man on earth who would willingly wed her . And from all indications , he was more than willing . Taking in a deep , cleansing breath , she turned and found his steady brown eyes on her . All joviality had fled . " Isum ? What is it ? " It was always the same with men . Many women longed for beauty , but for Milly , it was the key to her shackles . Perhaps today would commence the end of her nightmares . Even if it did , it certainly wouldn 't erase what had already been done to her . She tucked her chin against the nagging shame . She gripped Isum 's arm , words lodging in her throat . Jaw clenched , he focused on the horse as he pulled them to a stop . Running was futile . With quivering resignation , she removed her gloves and folded them neatly , just as the mistress had taught her . She couldn 't bring herself to look at Isum , to see hope shattered across his face . " I thought you were smarter than this , Milly . " Grayson , the overseer , laid one hand across his legs , loosely aiming a pistol in their direction . " A shame what 'll become of you now . " His false sympathy grated on her ears . Two of the others dismounted and dragged Isum from his seat . He struggled against their attempt to shackle him and was rewarded with a swift kick to the gut . Milly jumped from the buggy and scrambled to the side of Grayson 's horse . Her nails dug into the leather of his riding boot . " Please , it was my fault . I didn 't tell him I planned to run . " He guffawed and kicked her hand away . " He doesn 't answer to you , girl . And he 'll pay for his own foolishness . Just as you will . " He jerked the pistol . " You 're riding with me . " Too late , Milly noticed Grayson 's hand as he swiped for her again . She swayed back and away , but he compensated , stretching farther away from his horse . Fisting her blouse , he yanked her toward himself . With a cry , Milly locked her knees , sending her lower half sliding under the horse 's belly . She clung to Grayson 's arm , her weight tugging him down with her . " Let me loose . " His breath puffed hot in her ear . The horse skittered , its hooves striking the ground so close she felt the vibration through the dirt . It bolted away from them , sending Grayson tumbling from his perch . " Merciful , Lord , " she whispered through dusty lips . " Grab it ! " Isum screamed . Two held him belly - down , while the third locked one cuff on his ankle . His eyes bore into her , begging her to take action . Grayson 's gaze darted to the pistol the instant her fingers wrapped around the handle . Before he could pull himself to a sitting position , she had the barrel pointed at his head . " Make them stop . " Her voice trembled in time with her hands . No , she wouldn 't , but she could cripple him . In a way he 'd never hurt another woman again . Without a word , she redirected her aim . Steady . Keep it steady . She scooted back , further of his reach . " You heard me . " Grayson glared at her , his jaw working circles . From the corner of her eye , she noted the stillness that had settled on the opposite side of the road . Isum flailed once more and managed to dislodge himself from under his captors . " Unshackle him , " Milly called , her eyes never leaving Grayson 's . Isum pushed up and trotted to her side , lip bleeding and jaw swollen , but looking better than such a struggle should afford . " I got this here . " He took the weapon from her . " Think you can get the buggy into them trees ? " The sun had barely moved by the time Isum had all four men bound , gagged , and lashed to the wagon , which Milly had taken as far into the undergrowth as she could . While he secured the men 's bonds , Milly changed back into her comfortable , plain brown frock then scattered all the horses but two . Leading one to Isum , she smiled . On horseback , they could cut through the forest and make better time . At least until the ground grew too swampy . He gave her a boost then adjusted the stirrups with a swiftness that spoke of a lifetime in the master 's stables . Giving her foot a pat , he winked . " Now who 's the mastah of himself ? " She fingered the bonnet 's ribbon tied beneath her chin and shook her head . " It 's a bit soon to be so confident . We have a long trail ahead of us . " Mounted , Isum directed his horse alongside hers . With a quick yank , he loosened her bonnet 's ribbons . " You don 't need that no more . From here on , we 'll be exactly like the Almighty created us to be . " He clucked his tongue . " Your feet can run , but your heart , it gotta stop chasin ' after lies . It 's time you be who you 's meant to be . " Who I 'm meant to be ? " And what exactly am I ? " " A child of the King . And my girl . Nothin ' else mattuh . " She fingered the edge of her bonnet , while Grayson 's gaze gouged her back . She was more terrified to remove it than to turn the mare toward Florida . Heart running wild , she lifted the bonnet until a breeze tickled the hair on her forehead . With a smile born of unending patience , Isum released her horse . Her line of sight traveled to Grayson . From where he sat tied to the wagon wheel , the hatred emanating from his eyes scorched Milly 's weak resolve . " I can 't . " With a jerk to the reins , she twisted the horse 's bit out of Isum 's reach . Gripping the saddle with her thighs , she settled the bonnet back in place . A swift kick of her heel set the mare on the backwoods trail to Spanish Florida . For the third time in an hour , Major Phillip Bailey checked that his musket was properly primed and loaded . The Apalachicola River wound along on his right , and Creek warriors fanned out on the left . He was trapped . It had only been two years since many of these same warriors had surrendered to General Jackson at the conclusion of the Red Stick War . He scanned the surrounding pines for any sign of danger , whether from runaway slaves or friendly Creeks turned hostile . Downriver a ways and set back into the forest , the outline of a dwelling took shape . Like the many other slave - owned shacks they 'd come across , the place appeared abandoned , but that didn 't mean the owners weren 't lurking in the shadows , waiting to ambush them . If what was said about the runaway 's leader proved true , Chief Garcon wouldn 't allow Phillip and his men to waltz into the area without a dandy of a fight . It was no secret the Americans intended to neutralize the fort on Prospect Bluff , the stronghold they called Negro Fort . Its name alone struck fear in the hearts of southern Georgians . General Jackson had jumped at Spain 's approval of his crossing the Spanish - American border to defuse the tension and reclaim American property - the slaves . With its swamps , alligators , and prowling Seminoles , Las Floridas was wild country . Toss in three hundred armed and desperate runaways , and the place became hell on earth . Phillip had been the first to volunteer to invade that hell . Alligators and runaways , he could handle . Creek warriors were a different matter altogether . Running into them on the southerly trail had been a surprise to both parties . It just so happened that , this time , Creek and American objectives ran parallel . Or so the Indians said … Without warning , a regular stepped out from behind a tree blocking Phillip 's path . His rifle arm jerked . " In the name of all that 's holy , Corporal Higgins , get back in line . " Phillip spoke from between clenched teeth . The natives might see him and his men as a bunch of untrained idiots , but Phillip knew better . When not attacked on the sly and when properly prepared , there was no equal to Phillip 's army anywhere in the Americas . Hadn 't they proved it two years earlier by crippling the Creek Confederacy ? He passed Higgins ' scrawny frame as he busily fastened his broadfalls . " Didn 't mean to scare you , sir . " A poorly contained leer plucked at the man 's freckled cheeks . Phillip opened his mouth to refute the charge and put the private in his place , but the gravelly voice of Sergeant Garrigus beat him to it . " Idiot . You can 't rattle the major . He 's got nerves of iron . " Garrigus 's praise sounded sincere enough , but Phillip knew the truth and prayed every day no one else would discover it . " Enough chatter back there . Keep your mouths shut and your eyes peeled . " He cast a sideways glance at longtime friend and surgeon , Captain Marcus Buck . Marcus returned it with a faint smile that raised his flawless cheeks . Eyes , nose , mouth - each feature lined up perfectly . He might be a favorite with the ladies , if he took his nose out of medical books long enough to notice . " Are you enjoying the quiet too ? " Phillip subdued a grin and jerked his head toward the end of the loosely formed column . " I put him to work keeping Cook company . " Moisture sucked into his boot as he stepped into another pocket of muck . Swamp water soaked his half - gaiters and spattered his dirty white breeches . He shook his foot , longing for a pair of clean , dry stockings . An arduous , two - day trek behind them , Camp Crawford might have been nothing more than tents and pickets , but right now , it seemed pretty near to heaven . An Indian , head shaved on the sides , loped from the front of the line toward Phillip . His black hair , collected into a long tail , flipped through the air behind him . His face was a solemn , purposeful mask , and he clutched a tomahawk , as if ready for battle . A drumbeat sounded from nearby . Or was that the blood pounding Phillip 's eardrum ? This was it . The moment Phillip had been anticipating . One swing of this warrior 's blade would be the signal for the rest to attack . By sundown , every last American scalp would dangle from a pole . Unless Phillip did something to stop it . The drum increased its tempo . In his mind , he was back at Fort Mims , the fires licking at his heels . The world narrowed to the warrior streaking toward him . Phillip had known better than to trust these savages , but Colonel Clinch hadn 't listened . Phillip should give some sort of call to battle , but his brain went numb . Breath ragged , he raised his weapon to his shoulder and pointed the muzzle at the warrior 's chest . His stiff collar dug into the base of his head and his sweaty finger trembled against the cool trigger as he waited for the red man to raise his tomahawk . Instead , ten paces away , he came to a halt , his brown eyes boring into Phillip . The warrior lowered his weapon and slipped it into a loop on his waistband . Arms limp , his lean body visibly relaxed as he stood before Phillip . " Easy , now , " Marcus sounded as though he were calming a terrified child instead of addressing a superior officer . His voice rose barely above a whisper . " The men are watching . There 's no call for this . Not this time . " A massive vulture soared above them , pulling Phillip 's focus back to the man before him . As much as Phillip searched , he found not a hint of malice in the warrior 's steady gaze . " It 's nothing personal , you see . Major Bailey fought at Mim 's place . Next time you 're careless enough to run up on him that way , I 'll let him have at you , " Marcus stated with a half - grin . " No , best stop me , Captain Buck . No sense creating more work for yourself . " Phillip 's attempt at humor fell flat . He cleared his throat and turned to the Indian . " You have a message for me ? " The warrior took up a limping step beside them . " There is more , " he said , halting Phillip in his tracks . " Two dead . This side of river . " Phillip pointed two fingers downriver . " Take it to Colonel Clinch , on the double . " At the sound of Higgins ' scurrying footfalls , Phillip turned to Marcus . " Surgeon , you 're with me . " A silent crowd gathered ahead - around the wounded sailor , Phillip surmised . " Clear out , " he called as he shouldered his way through the throng . " Give the man space to breathe . " Marcus followed , bumping into Phillip 's back when he stopped short . His breath caught in his lungs . Scalped and brutally stabbed , two stripped men lay in a puddle of blood , their features frozen in twists of agony . Soldiers shifted , allowing the doctor room to press his fingers to each neck . He stood , retrieved a kerchief from his pocket , and wiped his hands , staining the cloth red . " Give me someone I can help , for heaven 's sake . " As Marcus stepped over the bodies , a tremble began deep inside Phillip . The quiver grew , moving into his stomach with a painful shudder . " We camp here . Private Davidson , inform Major Collins . Garrigus , set up a perimeter . " He tore his eyes from the grisly scene , stepped back , and then turned to Marcus . " Captain Buck , see to the wounded sailor , wherever he is . I 'll find you shortly . I 'm going to look for tracks before we lose daylight . " He pressed his lips tight and willed his stomach to cease its rebellion . Eyes riveted to a massive cypress twenty yards in , he forced certain images from his mind . Images of Fort Mims , of the dead and dying , of the corpses he had trampled in his fight for life . Satisfied the cypress hid him , he rested his hands on his knees . His head swam , and the world tipped . Closing his eyes , he focused on keeping his breath even and his army rations where they belonged . Every muscle in Phillip 's body froze , as he strained to pierce the obscurity of dusk . He saw nothing , heard nothing - besides voices carrying from the riverbed . Had he imagined the sound ? If he had , the fact wouldn 't astound him . Not anymore . The cry had possessed a human quality . Would he go so far as to say feminine ? His mind replayed the sound . Yes , he would . Had there been a female with the sailors ? Phillip knew of no situation where that might be permitted . Unwilling to believe he was hearing voices in his head , he set out in the direction his chapeau bra had landed . Musket going before him , he proceeded with carefully placed steps and peered into the ever - darkening forest beyond . This could be a trap , but it was worth the risk if it squelched the notion he was indeed mentally disordered . The bush shook violently . Phillip jerked his musket up then back down as a woman sprang from concealment . Her skirt snagged , abruptly halting her flight . As her hands battled to extricate the fabric , she lifted her bonneted head , exposing large , fearful eyes and a face which glowed pale in the waning daylight . Unless the encroaching night was playing tricks on him , this woman was white . Not the midnight skin of a runaway or the smooth olive of a Spaniard , but white . Nearly as white as Phillip . He settled the butt of his musket at his feet . " Ma ' am ? What are you doing out here ? " " Halt ! " Phillip flipped the weapon back into position and aimed it at the slave 's chest . Unfazed , he kept moving and would have intercepted the woman except for the stone she hurled . It thudded off his shoulder and stopped him dead in his tracks . The man 's shoulders rose and fell with each rapid breath , but his stony face showed no fear . " Then you bettah do it . Otherwise , it 'll be you what 's buried . See , I plan to make it to that fort , and losin ' my life to do it is no mattuh to me . " Phillip 's brother , Dixon , had often said that a man who didn 't value his own life made the most dangerous of enemies . This one wouldn 't live long enough to become that . Phillip leveled his musket 's barrel at the big man 's heart . Reflexively , he skipped to the side to maintain his aim on the man . " Step away , ma ' am . Don 't want you hurt . " What was she thinking ? She backed further away from him and dangerously close to the black man . " He didn 't run a hundred miles just to be shot down defenseless in the woods a day away from the only chance at freedom he 'll ever have . " Her voice shook , but her rigid back told Phillip she wouldn 't give in any time soon . He encased the woman in his arms , lifting her and covering the lower half of her face with a massive hand . " Hush , now , or you 'll call ' em all down on us . " Her startled cry preceded the man 's swift backward steps . He hurled a steely glare at Phillip . " You ain 't seen nothin ' . Ain 't talked to nobody . You hear , soldier ? " The ferocity in his voice chilled Phillip 's blood . One quick twist of the man 's hand was all it would take to snap the woman 's neck . Berating himself , Phillip released the barrel of his weapon and let it drop to the ground with a soft thud then splayed his hands in front of him . " No need to hurt her . Let her go , and I 'll never breathe a word I saw you . You can go right - " April is giving away a copy of Warring Spirits . To be entered in the book giveaway , leave a comment . You can enter the book giveaway twice - - once on each spotlight post . If you 're having trouble leaving a comment for a contest post , please don 't give up ! Email me at browncarole212 ( at ) yahoo ( dot ) com . I 'll be sure to add your comment so you 'll have your chance to win a book ( s ) . Have a happy day ! Unless otherwise noted , only U . S . addresses will be eligible for the book drawings . The Book Loft spotlights and interviews 3 Christian authors each week and hosts book giveaways . For each author there are TWO posts and you can enter their giveaway on each of the posts , giving you two entries in the drawing . Unless stated otherwise , each post has a giveaway . To enter the book drawings , leave comments on the books you 're interested in . Each giveaway is open for at least one week then the winners are posted on Wednesday . It is the winner 's responsibility to contact me with their address . Use the tab above or email me at sharonalavy at gmail dot com
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When your packing list includes " tube of fake blood " you know you 're going to have a good time . Creation 's DCcon was my first fan convention of any sort . I had never been to a Comic - Con , a Wizard World , another show convention - anything like that . I have to admit , I wasn 't really well versed in how many Supernatural cons there are until about a year ago . I live in the Washington DC area and we only had our first con last year . Last year it simply wasn 't feasible for me to attend . But that gave me over a year to plan for DCcon 2015 . And for all my planning , real life still managed to interfere . But overall , that didn 't matter . In fact , it might 've worked out for the best . Let 's make that stone number one and build on it . So , that said , allow me to be your guide to being the new kid at the con . Learn from my mistakes , and take notes on the things I did right . I 'm not going to recap the panels . I 've seen videos from DCcon online already , so that information is out there if you need it . What I really want to share with you is the first time con experience . I 'm sure many con goers did what I did . The con went on sale and I immediately bought the package I wanted . In my case , that was the Copper package . It offered admission to everything except the Sunday morning Gold Panel , but no extras . Then , like a fool , I googled SPN cons only to find an amazing array of stories ranging from blissful to horrifying . Of course , I got stuck on horrifying and thought , " Non - refundable ticket … what have I done ? " Luckily , I came back to my Supernatural online home base - that would be Fangasm - and read some truly wonderful stories from one of the other cons . That 's when common sense kicked in and I remembered that no matter what you do , there 's going to be someone who tries to ruin it for you and others who elevate the entire experience . So now , I was ready to venture forth into whatever weirdness would come my way … approximately six months later . In other words , I had time to obsess . Right , I know , this isn 't the fun part . But it 's important . If you can 't afford to go , that 's no fun . I get it , but real life has to be the priority . Stop torturing yourself and promise yourself you 'll try to go another year . Then work towards that and forget about the one you can 't attend . On the opposite end of the spectrum , if you can afford to go all out and get every perk , autograph , photo op , etc . Great ! Do that ! Have the time of your life . Most of us are going to fall somewhere in between those extremes . Don 't think for a minute that this has to be an all or nothing scenario . Think about what you really want and plan from there . I chose attending the con over a big night out at a concert I had planned on going to and another weekend away . If all you really want is to see Misha Collins and Tahmoh Penikett and they are on the same day ( although - warning ! The schedule does sometimes change ) then you can get away with a one day ticket , and maybe roll some of those savings into photo ops or autographs . If you want to take tons of your own photos , then it might make more sense for you to spring for one of the better packages to have a seat closer to the stage . Think through what you want to get out of this mini - vacation and budget for it the same way you would budget for a weekend at the beach or theme park . Creation is a well - oiled machine . They know how to make money , which means they are very good at getting us to open our wallets . The good news is , they also provide a solid con experience . But , as the con gets closer and closer they will send you emails telling you that photos or autographs are selling out ( for DCcon , Jensen and Jared autographs were sold out for months ) or that the meet and greet auctions are coming up . I am not completely sure how those meet and greet options work . I wasn 't going to spend the money on them , so I didn 't even tempt myself by looking into it for more than five minutes . If you live near the con , you might be able to commute to it . Keep in mind that Friday and Saturday are likely to run until anywhere from midnight to 2am , and that things could start as early as 9am Saturday and Sunday . Be honest about whether or not you want to drink at the parties or if you 're going to be concerned about missing out on something that happened at an after party . Check parking rates and compare those to cabs and mass transit . Factor in your time , too . It 's one thing to commit to a 15 minute drive , another to drive 2 hours to and from the con each day . Even though I could have commuted in and out of the District all three days , it was more important to me to be able to settle in like this was a Supernatural Fantasy Camp . I wanted to unpack my well planned wardrobe for the weekend and simply be at the heart of the action . I chose staying on site over autographs , photo ops , and meet and greets . However , I also knew that there was going to be a vendors room and that other things would pop up that I 'd want to do . As a result , I decided on an amount of money that I was comfortable spending . I took that in cash and that was all I was going to spend at the con . I allowed for some splurging in there , in case there was something I simply couldn 't pass up . Sorry , not for sale … In other words , cons are supposed to be fun ; don 't stress yourself out worrying about the money . Figure out how much you can spend and then don 't worry about what you aren 't doing ; thoroughly enjoy what you can do . Disregard Richard Speight 's pleas to start worrying about next year 's con , although those pleas are pretty hilarious . So now I had my plan in place . ( I 'm planner , it 's how I roll . ) And there were still five months to go . This does have an incredible advantage or disadvantage depending on how you look at it . If you buy tickets and go within the week , staying on budget is pretty easy . If you buy tickets and then have a few months , you might get tempted by some perks . Okay , so I was tempted by some perks . I was talking to one of my best friends about the con . She 's not into Supernatural , but she 's obsessed with The Walking Dead , so she Got It . She understood why I wanted to go to this thing . She kept pointing out that everyone wants the photo op . According to her , I 'd be kicking myself if I didn 't get a photo with Jared . She even used his first name , like I 'd be denying myself a photo with a friend as opposed to an actor . I pointed out that a Jared photo op is around $ 150 . The op only lasts around 15 seconds . That 's $ 36 , 000 / hour . Which is , you know , a tad high for an hourly rate . On the bright side , that wedding photographer I had all those years ago seems incredibly reasonable now . Also ? Jared looks like this . Just saying . As I pointed out , $ 150 for a photo with Jared Padalecki seems pricey . I just couldn 't possibly justify paying that much for an 8 × 10 glossy with a stranger . Let 's remind ourselves of that . We don 't know them . They don 't know us . This is a photo with a stranger . Damn it ! Fine , I 'll scroll through the photos ops page and double check on Jared 's … Whoa ! Rob Benedict is only $ 50 ? That 's a mere $ 12 , 000 / hour ! That 's a bargain . Okay , so that 's $ 200 for two photos . $ 100 a piece ? Okay , I 'm in . Happily , because I did this before the con , I paid that credit card bill off immediately . Which , for me , made a huge difference - I could stop worrying about that cost . The money was gone , now I might as well just look forward to the photos . And if I really wanted to , I could sell the ops to someone else or trade them for some autographs . Right , like that was going to happen . Having never been to a con before I wasn 't sure what I 'd be doing during any down time . I searched Facebook for a DCcon group and joined . There were over 1 , 000 members of the group , all of which were people who were attending / trying to attend / hoping to find a last minute ticket to DCcon . I 'd guess it was only around 40 - 50 people who posted anything . And it was a much smaller group that posted on any sort of regular basis . This Facebook group was - and still is - wonderful ! There were plenty of people who had attended cons before and could give advice . There were several newbies like me so I knew I wasn 't alone in this . We were warned about the lack of sleep and the skipped meals . There were suggestions to pack food to keep in the room and carry easy to eat stuff like trail mix and drink lots of water . Because I am an idiot , I disregarded most of this common sense advice , figuring that I was in a major US city . It 's not like I was going to be hiking the Outback . I was going to be able to find a snack . Obviously . Right ? The Facebook group hosted a Cards Against Humanity tournament on Friday night . I figured if they played Cards Against Humanity they couldn 't be too bad . Or rather , they were the right amount of awful and inappropriate and we would get along just fine . I was right . Practical Advice . No really . The Facebook group was a place to ask about cosplay , where to drop off the food that Random Acts was collecting for a local shelter , and other things as I thought of them at any hour of the day or night . People from out of town were able to figure out carpools or cabs to and from the airport , find roommates , ask about parking , etc . This is a must do if you 're going to a con . Even if all you do is lurk in the group , you 'll get a sense of who is attending and maybe pick up some ideas for those photo ops your friend talked you into . Packing If you plan on cosplaying , or even just doing a nod to the characters with a flannel , or you want to wear your Always Keep Fighting , # SPNFamily , or Hello Boys shirt , start a packing list . Even if you are driving in from home for the con each day , set all your stuff aside so it 's ready to go and you know it won 't be in the laundry basket the day you want to wear it . I ended up in two outfits a day . If you need props for photos or a cosplay , think about how you 'll get them there . If you 're flying , you 're going to have to check that angel blade or send it ahead . If you are cosplaying something with a lot of makeup , remember make up remover . Need to spirit gum something to your face ? Make sure you 're not allergic before the con . Remember to pack the spirit gum and the remover . Yes , I packed a tube of fake blood . And don 't forget you 'll need normal stuff too : pajamas , underwear , regular make up if you wear it - I splurged on really good concealer to cover up any dark circles or zits that might creep up on me before the photo ops , your contacts or glasses , toiletries , etc … and of course your TICKETS . Take your various tickets for the con , for transportation , autographs , and photos . Have all of that printed out and ready to go . Now , panic briefly , smile widely , and get yourself to the con . It 's finally here . After months of planning , it 's time to see what this thing is all about . Rather than walking through the schedule and reviewing everything chronologically , I 'm going to break this down by type of activity . That way you can browse through this to find whatever sort of information you might need . Arriving and Getting Your Wristband If you 've never been to a con before , just walking in can be a little awkward . Especially if you 're walking in by yourself and you really aren 't expecting the hotel to acknowledge your SPN Family in any form . I 'm not sure why , but I assumed there would be no mention of Supernatural . I arrived at DCcon by myself on Friday around 10 : 30am . I didn 't look particularly odd - I wasn 't in a Rowena gown or anything like that . I was just wearing some nice ' fem Winchester ' style clothes - torn jeans , a camisole , and a flannel . ( This also doubles as ' fem Eddie Vedder ' if you ever need that costume . And if I 'm being completely honest , this outfit is more or less what I wore to school every day of 1993 . ) I was offered a Supernatural package which consisted of breakfast coupons , internet upgrades , and Red Bull . This really should 've been my first clue as to how to how much is packed into the schedule . When you register with the con if you have a weekend pass you will get a wristband . It doesn 't come off , and it is checked every time you enter the theater . If you are concerned about it showing in photo ops , plan accordingly . Either have a cuff or a sleeve that can cover it up or plan on standing with that arm out of sight . Chances are you 'll have a little time to kill before the opening of the con . Like pretty much everyone else I headed to the vendors room . It was surprisingly small . This is a bit of a blessing - instead of rows upon rows of merchandise , it 's only a few tables , and in DC at least two were charities . Also , if at all possible , bring some canned goods for Random Acts . I dropped a bag of nonperishables off with Random Acts immediately , and yes , I included two cans of tomato rice soup on behalf of Dean and Mary . Panels - also known as why we are here Obviously , panels are a big part of the con . The panels are entirely audience Q and A . Because this is a single theater show , you don 't have to worry about choosing which panel to go to . None of the panels overlap . There may be times when autographs , meet and greets , or photos cut into panels , but It 's not like you have to choose between seeing Panel A or Panel B . Not all seats are equal . My seat had a great view of the stage and a decent view of the video monitors . For whatever reason , though , I couldn 't get a good picture for anything . That 's why any photos in this post are Lynn 's . If you can 't get a good photo , the sooner you accept that , the better . Someone will record everything . In fact , chances are excellent that the panels will be on YouTube within a week . If you ask a question keep two things in mind : 1 . The actor might not know what you 're talking about , or could get confused about seasons of the show or exact episodes . Part of the reason we know the show so well is that we watch it in order . They shoot the show out of order and sometimes scenes they 've filmed don 't make the episode . That scene where Crowley was plotting against them ? They were mentioned , but they weren 't in it . If they make a mistake about whether it was in Season 8 or 9 , don 't sweat it . 2 . Don 't make your question about yourself , your friends , or anyone not affiliated directly with the people on the stage . As much as the SPN Family loves and supports you and wants to talk about our reciprocal relationship with the show at any given moment , suddenly that no longer matters . During the panel the audience does not care about your connection to the show . Really . We don 't . We just stopped caring . Stop talking . We . Don 't . Care . Right . Now . We will commence caring again once the panel is over . ' Cause The Angels Gonna Play Play Play Play Play The people you meet at the con are automatically going to have something in common with you . They also thought that a weekend of nerding out over Supernatural sounded like a great idea . I started talking to the woman sitting next to me . As it turns out , Stephanie is pretty awesome . Between panels on Friday we decided to grab a quick bite in the bar . We had a great time , talked about all sorts of things , mostly real world related . It took some time to get our appetizers and drinks ( note , that 's not a whole meal … ) and then we tried to catch Osric Chau 's panel . Unfortunately , we missed part of that panel because WE RAN INTO TRAVIS AARON WADE in the bar . He was just hanging out with con attendees . Sorry Osric , but you have a panel tomorrow , too . Stephanie and I spent some time talking to Travis Aaron Wade about Star Wars and making friends at cons . Really . That happened . Oh , and he hugged both of us . Twice . And because that wasn 't weird enough , he initiated the hugs . Travis Aaron Wade On Sunday , I bumped into Osric Chau at check out . For as cool as I was bumping into Travis Aaron Wade , I was the complete opposite with Osric Chau . I hugged him and might have spoken . I was a bit starstruck , but come on , he 's Kevin freakin ' Solo . I was informed later , after my brain came back online , that he was delightful . On Sunday while I was waiting for a photo op I finally had a chance to talk to the women who had been sitting in front of me all weekend . They reminded me of hanging out with my best friends from college . When I asked how long they 'd known each other I fully expected to hear about weddings and baby showers and that so - and - so got them into Supernatural . They told me , that for most of them , this was the first they 'd met in real life . They were online friends who decided to meet up a con together . Two of them who lived closer to each other had met once or twice before . That touched me . I really assumed they had known each other thirty years , their camaraderie was real . I was not expecting that level of con bonding . I 'd heard of it , and oddly just talked about it with THE GUY WHO PLAYS COLE ! who wanted to know how long Stephanie and I knew each other , but until that moment on Sunday , I really believed that was just some line that was thrown out there . And The Demons Gonna Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate She brought her teenaged daughter as a gift and clearly , she thought this whole thing was way below her . She started a conversation with me about my shoes , so it 's not like her icebreaker was the Iran Nuclear Deal . Then she started asking about my involvement in the fandom . I obliged because I thought she was being friendly . I 'm not sure why she thought the woman taking notes and dressing up as Abaddon was going to share her belief that this was a waste of time , but for some reason she thought I 'd be on her side . Maybe she thought I was a reporter who took blending in very seriously . After I joyfully answered her questions about my fan activities , she spent fifteen minutes talking down to me . I was so surprised by this rude turn of events that it took me a bit to realize she was belittling me for enjoying writing about the episodes . I guess engaging in the plot and tracking the development of the themes is too much work for her . Or maybe she thought I was incredibly selfish to make time to do things I enjoy . But , just like on the internet , if you 're polite and ignore the bait , the troll will eventually slink back under their bridge . If someone tries to ruin your fun , it 's okay to walk away , or to politely tell them to leave . You literally have an entire theater full of people who will support you in this . Food / Drink / Sustenance of Any Kind Do not do what I did . I should 've taken heed of that " bring food " suggestion that I read on Facebook a few dozen times . I kept thinking , " there 's a deli across the street , I 'll be fine . " I made it to that deli once . If you attend a con and don 't have anything on your schedule between the last Friday panel and karaoke - get dinner . Trust me on this . I know , Newbie , I know . There are new friends to make and a bar where you might have discussed Star Wars with the guy who plays Cole , so who has time for a sandwich ? You do . You really , really do . Cole Trenton would want you to eat . I didn 't get the sandwich . I am a fool . No , seriously , there 's not a lot of sleep to be had at a con . You know how much sleep you need to have a pleasant next day . Try to get that . You won 't but you can try . A pounding headache will not make you have a better time on Sunday . I can vouch though that a pounding headache will not ruin your day either . Most people seemed to be saying they slept around 5 hours . I have two children under the age of 5 and I 'm an insomniac . My usual night is set at Insomnia Level : Dean Winchester . Basically , people who don 't live with kids reacted with " I only slept for five hours , where 's that Red Bull from check in ? " People with little kids were saying , " Oh my god I slept for five hours in a row ! I can do anything ! " At least that 's how it worked Friday and Saturday . By Sunday I had reached Insomnia Level : Sam Winchester . I think I started hallucinating Lucifer at one point . Or maybe that was a cosplayer . No matter , the point is , there 's no shame in taking a nap if you have some time between events . Go to karaoke . If you don 't want to sing , that 's fine . They won 't get to everyone who wants to sing anyway , so there 's no pressure on the non - singers to get up there and pretend they 're having fun . There 's always a theme to karaoke and many people will dress up accordingly , but showing up in jeans and a tee shirt is fine , too . Just admit that you want to stick around until they sing " Carry On Wayward Son . " We all do , and we 're all going to sing along . Karaoke ! If cosplay isn 't your thing , that 's fine . Plenty of people came to the con dressed in their regular clothes , or in ' cosplay light ' - which means they own a flannel . If you own any of the charity tees or Supernatural themed shirts , this is the place to break those out . Of course there were some cosplays so good you had to look twice . One Bobby was so good that I thought Jim Beaver was a surprise guest . Since I was responsible and packed my fake blood , I was able to cosplay Abaddon . My husband dressed as Crowley . You are going to want to check out how your cosplaying will line up with your photo ops . Make sure you have time to change clothes between ops if you want , or you have time to change out your make up . Once again , this comes down to prioritizing . For example , would you rather get to wear your homemade Baby costume , or would you rather look your cutest for that picture with Tahmoh ? My Rob Benedict photo op was about 30 minutes after the costume contest where I was rocking a latex neck wound . Once again that decision to stay on site worked out for me . Two valuable lessons learned for future con experience . One , if you are competing in the costume contest , apply your latex prosthetics as close to the competition time as possible . At the contest at 2pm , my recapitation looked pretty good , but at 9am it was great if I do say so myself . Because of the tight turnaround between the costume contest and my Rob Benedict photo op , I toned down the gore on my Abaddon costume so that it would be easier to remove any visible wounds and then have a relatively " normal " photo taken . Remember how I reminded you to pack the make up remover and mentioned my splurge on good concealer ? I get the win on those ideas . I was able to remove the excess spirit gum from my neck easily , and then the industrial grade concealer covered up the red marks from where I peeled off the latex . Filler Stuff ( Trivia , Favorite Episode Discussion , etc . ) The fan vids are not filler . They are incredible and if possible you really should check out what your fellow fans have made . I 'm confident that the fanvid " Who Likes the Moose ? " will make its way into more fandom things from here on out . The Saturday Night Special shouldn 't be missed . It 's a 90 minute to 2 hour show featuring Loudon Swain , with Mark Sheppard sitting in on drums . Some of the other actors perform , too , as do some of the people from Creation . And yes , another performance of " Carry On Wayward Son " is included . It is every bit as cool as you think . What you might not realize though , is that " I Get By with a Little Help from My Friends " as a closer is every bit as awesome . Tahmoh kicks off the Saturday Night Special The concert ended earlier than I expected , it was merely midnight . It was time to crash . Sunday is J2 Day after all , and that photo op deserves a good night 's rest . ( No , I didn 't get a good night 's rest . ) I didn 't get any autographs , so I can 't personally vouch for how those work . It seemed incredibly well organized . The people I met who got autographs all seemed very happy with their experience . You need to bring something to be signed . If you don 't have anything , there are plenty of reasonably priced photos in the vendors room . Sunday Morning Sunday morning is an odd limbo at an SPN con for anyone not attending the Gold Panel . At DCCon , panels didn 't start until 2pm . There were meet and greets and photo ops in the morning . To accommodate this , the theater opened up to everyone after the Gold Panel ended . You 're going to have to find something to do in the morning if you don 't have a photo op . Obviously , sleep would be a great choice , only chances are you 've checked out of your room by this time . Once the theater is open , you can just go hang out in there . I know that sounds really lame , but trust me on this . The energy in the room is palpable . Talking to people waiting for their photo ops is just plain fun . Everyone comes out of their op a little glassy eyed and giddy . At this point , I started getting butterflies for my early afternoon Jared photo op . The butterflies confused me . I am not one to panic in an emergency . I don 't get worked up over meeting with superiors or having to present to " Important People . " So why , oh why was I nervous all day ? I was going to have a grand total of 15 seconds with an actor who will not remember me and can 't possibly care . This is not a job interview , it 's an expensive photo . So why all the internal drama ? I put some thought into this . For me at least , it 's the combination of wanting a few things to come together a . meeting someone from the show ; b . having your photo turn out the way you want , whether you 're going for a scene from the show , something funny , or just want to have your eyes open and no lipstick on your teeth ; c . you don 't want to embarrass yourself by saying something weird . Then to add in that you know you have about 15 seconds to pull this off . And in the age of digital cameras , you don 't know what the photo looks like until you pick up the print . I really think the killer is that it 's so fast . With 15 seconds or less there is no room for error , and it 's not like you 're going to get a do over . And why did my head hurt ? ( Okay , some of that was cocktail based … ) but all in all that adrenaline that 's been so helpful all weekend - well , by Sunday it 's going to start catching up to you . Also not helping ? The grand total of 2 meals and 4 glasses of water over the last two days . Not enough food , not enough water , not enough sleep , charismatic leaders … wait a minute ! I saw this Afterschool Special ! I think I joined a cult ! Photo ops are the defining take away of the con . When I first bought my tickets , I had no real desire to pick up any photos because they were so expensive , and honestly , what am I supposed to do with them once I have them ? By the time I got to the con , I had purchased two photo ops : Rob Benedict and Jared Padalecki . On Saturday afternoon I lined up for my Rob photo and I think the entire line of people was done in four minutes . I cannot emphasize enough just how quickly the ops go by . My photo experience with the Prophet Chuck was so short it honestly might have been less than ten seconds long . I froze . About a minute after walking out of the op I realized I didn 't even say my one planned sentence to him . ( Therefore , I 'll mention it here . Rob Benedict , if you happen to read this , I want you to know that I thoroughly enjoyed your work in Not Another Teen Movie . ) My next photo wasn 't until 1pm Sunday . Hmmm … I had already blanked on talking to " Chuck , " and I drew a blank when I bumped into " Kevin , " things weren 't looking so good for keeping my cool with " Sam . " After my ticket group was called to queue up for their Jared ops , I was ushered through the line . When I was two people away from my op someone informed that I was not to ask for a hug unless it was in the photo . I didn 't have any better ideas for the photo and a hug sounded downright pleasant . Okay , hug photo it is . I was wearing a women 's version of Sam 's Season 1 purple dog tee shirt . I wanted to wear something Supernatural without it actually saying Supernatural . When it was my turn Jared immediately told me he loved my shirt . Score 1 for me . I thanked him and then he guided me into position . I was grateful for the direction . He knows how to do this , he has thousands of photos taken at each of these things . He doesn 't need a newbie like me standing in the wrong place . The wonderful Creation photographer , Chris Schmelke , took the picture and gave a thumbs up . I thanked Jared and walked away . It was so short , but oddly engaging . I was truly surprised by how much the photo op added to the overall experience . He really was as nice as the internet says . I obviously can 't speak to everyone 's photo experience , but I can talk about my own . He looked me in the eye and talked to me instead of at me . He is better looking in person , and it 's not like he looks bad on TV . He is larger than you expect . And you are probably expecting to meet someone who is huge . Thanks to our rather massive height difference he leaned down to talk to me , casting him partly in shadow , like film noir . This only added to the utterly surreal feeling of the interaction . When I say height difference , I mean well over a foot . Granted , I am short . But I was wearing 4 " heels . That 6 ' 4 " description - I call BS . I have friends that are 6 ' 4 " and they don 't dwarf me in quite the same way . Although they are also less broad than the average barn , so that might play into my perception a bit . It was lovely , I left the room doing that smiley happy thing I watched everyone else do , and that was that for photo ops . After the J2 panel and some fan videos we had a break . There were some meet and greets , autographs , and some photo ops scheduled for this time . I didn 't have anything scheduled , and neither did my con bestie Stephanie . At this point , I hadn 't eaten in around eleven hours so needed to grab something . Stephanie suggested we take the short walk up to Union Station and grab something there . We chatted the entire walk and then we were maybe 2 / 3 of the way there when this happened : We turned on the spot and hightailed it back to the con . ( Note , we still haven 't eaten . ) We bought our J2 op about fifteen minutes before it was time to line up for it . We then spent the rest of the time trying to figure out how to stand . At one point Misha Collins walked through our line when he finished one of his photo ops . So , you know , just another Sunday filled with celebrity encounters . Eventually we decided to steal whatever pose we liked the best from the people who went before us . We ended up in another classic pose : the hugs from behind . Stephanie stood in front of Jenson and I stood in front of Jared . Again , the photo ops went by incredibly quickly . I think this one did take the full 15 seconds just because we had to get four people into position . I honestly don 't remember who explained the pose . We might even have said " what they just did . " I remember that Jared said , " I still love the shirt ! " Still ? Uh … . that implies that he actually remembered it from earlier in the day - if that 's the case , then , kudos , Padalecki . I was not expecting that level of remembering individual fans , no matter how awesome their selection of novelty tee shirt . Jared pulled me into a very tight hug , significantly tighter than I was expecting . No complaints about that , just honest to goodness surprise . Jensen wrapped his arms around Stephanie or smushed into her , everyone smiled , and Stephanie and I headed out of the room giggling like everyone who went before us . Then the most marvelous thing happened . A volunteer told us to get back in line because one of us blinked in the photo . Woo - hoo ! We screwed up so we got to do this again ! I mean , sorry , for the inconvenience everyone . We were sent over to jump right back in , I think I said something along the lines of " Apparently one of us screwed up and blinked . " To which Jared replied … I don 't know what he said . It 's loud in there and his head is literally a foot above me . I saw his mouth move . I 'm sure he was polite . We have our second experience with , again , surprisingly tight hugs . The photo is snapped , Chris gives us the thumbs up ( Darn it ! I mean , Yay ! We got it this time ! ) and we leave . While I did not get to hug Jensen , I did thank him and make eye contact . This will shock no one , but he has an intense gaze . Even though I felt a little bit like I had accidentally challenged the alpha dog , I did not break eye contact . I probably came off as creepy . But seriously ? He might be able to set things on fire with that heat vision . Afterwards Stephanie and I talked about the op , because how often do you have this as a topic of conversation ? Of course you 're going to talk about it . She was also surprised by how much that interaction really brought to the con experience . Neither one of us planned on getting a duo op , but that might be the highlight of the con for me . Keep in mind Stephanie and I met for the first time ever on Friday afternoon , and now we 're splitting ops together . Sharing the duo op was a lot of fun and it is slightly cheaper to split the duo than to have a photo with Jared or Jensen by yourself . Creation will give you one copy of the photo . You can buy the jpeg of any of your photos as well and those will be emailed to you after the con . If you or one of the actors manage to screw up your photo ( I did hear someone comment that she got a photo taken a second time because Jared 's eyes were closed ) you still get to keep the bad photo . Our bad photo was bad enough to be hilarious , so we kept it . My eyes are fully closed and I clearly was startled by Jared pulling me in and I 'm almost falling into him . Additionally , and chances are Creation wouldn 't ever retake a photo for this , but Jensen 's original hug looks more like a chokehold . If I black out Stephanie 's eyes and digitally add in my Abaddon neck wound , I think we could convince people that for our op , we asked to be " murdered by the Winchesters . " In summary , yes , the ops are pricey . And they are rushed , but no one is rude . Everyone was warm , friendly , and this is key - very much present in the moment . The cynic in me says , " They 're actors , emoting is their job . Not just metaphorically - it 's the definition of their job . " And yes , they are being paid to be there . But the naïve fangirl in me acknowledges that if they weren 't enjoying this as much as they all say they are , they wouldn 't go to 16 North American cons a year . They might force themselves through a few , but that they average more than one a month says something . Post Con Blues Between the adrenaline / caffeine crash , lack of food , too little water , and possibly too much alcohol depending on the types of parties you attend , there is such a thing as the post - con hangover . There 's also Con Crud - that sort of general ickiness that people come down with after socializing for several days . I didn 't get sick . I have small children and am exposed to all sorts of kid germs . My immune system is fairly bolstered . Unfortunately , I did have a headache from Sunday morning until Monday night . Again , had I taken the advice about food and water I probably could 've avoided that . The letdown makes sense . Going to a con is about more than the three days - it 's planning out your photo ops , cosplays , talking about it with friends either face to face or online , meeting your new internet friends in person , and if it 's not your first con you probably are going to meet up with friends that you only get to see at these things . If nothing else , you go in knowing that for three nerdy days you 're going to get to hang out with people who enjoy the same stuff you do . Chances are you put a fair amount of time and energy into this weekend , and it is a bummer to no longer have it on the horizon . So by all means , if you can pull it off , go to a con . Make some new friends , try out a cosplay , or have a funny photo . It really was the judgment free zone ( not counting that hater - mom ) I was promised it would be . Who knew ? That SPNFamily thing , it 's actually real . I 'm a longtime fan of Supernatural who loves to analyze the plot and dialogue of each episode . I love trying to figure out where the show is going . I love the members of Team Free Will , but I think it will all come down to destiny . I ship nothing in the show , but I will read almost anything . My real life includes two kids , a husband , a house in the suburbs , a great job I really like , and an extended family that lives two states away and proves that " family don 't end with blood . " I bake from scratch . I never outgrew playing dress up and I love costume and theme parties . Clearly , a con was a good option for me . 66 thoughts on " A Newbie Goes to Con " holykrip says : August 2 , 2015 at 6 : 22 pm Thank you so much for writing this up ! I find myself in a similar boat , having impulsively bought a ticket for the Denver Con this November . I 'm currently alternating between being excited and wondering what am I doing ? ! Thanks for all the practical advice ; I will start a list and put granola bars and a water bottle ( and aspirin ) at the top . Reply BL says : August 3 , 2015 at 5 : 03 am Thank you for the kind words ! Yes ! Water and food ! It sounds so simple , but you get so busy talking to new people and then it 's time for something else … As Charlie would say , " Bring snacks . " Reply WFreels says : August 2 , 2015 at 6 : 43 pm Thanks for this ! I 'm already saving money from my paychecks for a trip to VanCon2016 so the budgeting this is correct . I can 't imagine plunking down all that cash on plane tickets , hotel , and con tickets w / o planning it all out first . My heart just couldn 't take it . Because it 's so far away , I 'm planning to stay for a week and see all that I can while I 'm in Vancouver . I don 't expect to get the experience ever again so why not make the most of it , right ? Reply BL says : August 3 , 2015 at 4 : 32 am Thank you so much ! I wish I could take credit for the photos and captions , but that 's all Lynn ! I hope to make it to VanCan one day - I 'd love to see the behind the scenes stuff that 's available there . Please write in about it ! Reply Liorah says : August 2 , 2015 at 6 : 48 pm Excellent report ! I 'm not a newbie , having been to a couple of Dallascons , but I 'll be cosplaying and getting a photo with Jared for the first time in March , and I love hearing people 's positive photo op experiences . And my friend and I have some killer cosplay planned … . Reply Alyndra says : August 2 , 2015 at 7 : 35 pm My first con ever is coming right up , too - Minncon ! I 'm really starting to wonder what 's in store , so thank you very much for sharing your experiences ! That 's fantastic that you really did make friends like that ! Reply Lynn says : August 2 , 2015 at 8 : 25 pm Thank you so much Lynn for featuring Brigid 's newbie report . Your books and con reports finally convinced me to head to VanCon at the end of the month . ( Less than a month away ! Holy crap ! ! ) Brigid , I really appreciate the honest , candid descriptions of both the practical and all the feels . I may have to print a hard copy and highlite it to keep with my packing list . Lynn , see you there ! Smooches , Reply Lythea says : August 2 , 2015 at 11 : 23 pm What a great read . I already had my newbie experience last spring for SeaCon , but this almost made me feel like I was back there again . It was my first convention of any kind as well , and I knew it was going to be overwhelming enough without any extras at all . So I just had my GA ticket and that 's it , and it was still a rather perfect weekend . I 'm excited about upgrading for future cons though . And there will be many . Reply BL says : August 3 , 2015 at 4 : 38 am Thank you ! The cons really are what you make of them . And yes , upgrading becomes very tempting … Reply Janice says : August 3 , 2015 at 1 : 27 am OMG … . my friends and who sitting in front of you made it into your blog ! How cool is that ! ? We can 't believe people actually noticed us but we must have looked like we were having a good time because a couple of people commented about it to us , LOL ! I FEEL like I 've known them all my life . Wonderful ladies all ! I don 't usually read blogs too much , ( usually devote what little reading time I have to fan fiction ) but once I heard we got a mention , I had to read the whole thing and loved it . You really nailed the experience ! Already looking forward to next year ! Reply foundmyzen says : August 3 , 2015 at 2 : 28 am SO glad someone wrote this a month before I go to my first SPN con ! VanCon is also my 25th wedding anniversary celebration . Coming from Florida all the way to Vancouver to see and hug Team Free Will . Been saving for over a year and I have NO idea what to expect . I hear all kinds of conflicting things except for " There 's nothing else like it " and " You 're going to want to go again . " Curious how your husband did with everything ? My husband is coming too . He watches the show , LOVES Ruth Connell but is not involved in the fandom AT ALL . Worried he won 't enjoy it . Reply BL says : August 3 , 2015 at 5 : 01 am Glad to write it ! I 'll give the short version of this answer , because it gets a little complicated . I alluded to the planning falling apart a bit . Well , about two weeks before DCcon , due to a circumstances beyond everyone 's control , our childcare for the weekend fell through . After a last minute scramble his parents were able to watch the kids for part of the weekend . As a result , my husband was able to attend about a third of con - from the tail end of karaoke through us bumping into Osric Chau at check out . To an extent , I ended up with the best of both worlds - I had two days there on my own and one day with my husband . Like your husband , he 's a big fan , but he isn 't involved in the fandom outside of conversations with friends . That said , he had a great time on Saturday - he got to see his favorites ( Misha Collins and Mark Sheppard ) and he made a great Crowley if I do so say myself . He was also in that incredibly fast Rob Benedict photo op . If your husband 's a fan of the show I guarantee you there will be people having conversations about plot points , themes , etc . somewhere - you can seek out those conversations at the bars / restaurants . I really think you 'll both have a blast ! Reply Steph says : August 3 , 2015 at 3 : 55 am Fantastic article ! The practical advice was well thought out and articulated and you really captured the moments vividly and entertaining … ly . I hope to see more of your stuff here as you stretch your fandom / con going legs ! Reply Winnie says : August 3 , 2015 at 5 : 22 am Thanks for the article ~ My first con is coming up later this month ( VanCon ) and I really have no idea what to expect . I 'll be going alone too so that makes it even more nerve wrecking . Hope my experience will be as good as yours ! Thanks again ! 🙂 Reply BL says : August 4 , 2015 at 8 : 25 pm Thanks ! It seemed that at least at DCcon a lot of people went on their own . Conveniently , most people will be wearing something SPN related , so you should be able identify each other easily . Reply BL says : August 4 , 2015 at 8 : 26 pm Thanks ! It was fun to write it up . At my next con I 'll even take my own advice . Reply Gail says : August 3 , 2015 at 1 : 41 pm I 'm going for the first time in August to the Vancouver convention . I could only go on Saturday but I most wanted to see Misha and Mark anyway , though I like J and J of course . Got photo ops and autographs . I fell prey to the lure and impulsively bought a ticket for Misha 's boat cruise on Friday night . Thanks for your info , but I 'm commuting and can only go to the two things so my experience may be a bit different . I loved the detail with which you wrote . My husband is going Saturday too . Did yours enjoy himself ? Will we get to see your photo op photos ? Reply BL says : August 4 , 2015 at 8 : 33 pm I 'm sure you 'll have a wonderful time - your husband , too . My husband was only able attend on Saturday , but he had a great time . For the time being I am opting to not share my photo ops . But I 'm very happy with how they turned out ! ( With the exception of the one where it looks like Jared is murdering me . That one 's not so great . ) Laura in Denver says : August 3 , 2015 at 7 : 20 pm Nice job on the con reporting ! Plus I always love your comments on Lynn 's blogs each week . I found myself nodding and laughing all through your report . I too am a planner , I planned my Denver Con last Nov , a year in advance . I have decided to go to the Vancouver Con as well , since I was already going to be in Vancouver . So your ideas and tips were very helpful . I hope to meet lots of likeminded fans and enjoy some adult beverages , I already have the Tylenol packed ! Reply BL says : August 4 , 2015 at 8 : 48 pm Thank you so much ! I 'm sure you 'll have a great time at both cons . I hope to make a VanCon one of these years . In the meantime , I 'll look forward to the next season and getting to discuss episodes here . Jenn at Dinner @ Jenn 's says : August 3 , 2015 at 8 : 09 pm Oh this is so awesome ! I 'm really interested in attending NJ con … one of these years , haha , and it 's great to get a newbie 's ( and fellow planners ! ) perspective . So glad you had such a great experience ( apart from the one grump . Must have been a leviathan . 😉 ) Great post ! Reply BL says : August 4 , 2015 at 8 : 51 pm Thank you so much ! I 'm not sure what to make of that one woman , but I 'm glad that if she was going to try to pull that sort of behavior she did it with me and not someone who would have gotten upset by it . Hopefully she didn 't try to bring down anyone else . Reply BL says : August 6 , 2015 at 7 : 35 pm I had same view before I started reading some of the con reports . I had figured it was a cross between actors sitting around signing autographs and the convention scenes in the show . Turns out it 's a themed weekend away . It 's not cheap , but you do get more than you are probably expecting . Reply judyann says : August 5 , 2015 at 11 : 20 pm Get article , even though I have been to two cons it gave me some ideas for next time . Unfortunately Houston did not go well for me ( Philadelphia airport closing for two days didn 't help ) and I thought I had enough of cons but after reading this it makes me want to give it another go . Maybe DC - since I will not have to rely on an airline to go . Reply BL says : August 6 , 2015 at 5 : 48 pm I 'm sorry to hear your cons didn 't go as well . Obviously I can 't compare experiences since this was my first con , and I don 't know how similar they are overall . But if you do go again I hope you have as much fun as I did ! Reply Barb says : August 6 , 2015 at 5 : 55 pm Thanks for posting this ! We are going to VanCon in a couple of weeks , and while I 've attended smaller sci - fi conventions , they have never been for one show and have focused on writers rather than stars . ( I 'm really nervous about the autographs and photo ops ! ) Your article was both entertaining and gave us an idea of what to expect and how to prepare ( stock up on protein and water bottles , got it ! ) . Reply BL says : August 10 , 2015 at 4 : 58 am I cannot stress the water enough ! I think next time I 'll spring for some autographs , too . As for the photo ops everyone was very kind and it really had a fun atmosphere to it . I know it 's easy to say ' don 't be nervous ' - but I got nervous , too . Trust me , the actors are used to it . They 've probably seen it all at this point . Reply Teresa Klostreich says : August 7 , 2015 at 2 : 54 pm This is so great ! Thanks for explaining your experience . I am going to my first con in Minneapolis in a week and a half , and I am freaking out ! I have a J2 op all to myself , and I 'm worried I won 't be able to speak or anything else . Reply BL says : August 10 , 2015 at 5 : 05 am The good news about the op being so short is that there really isn 't a ton of time to say more than " I 'd like this pose " and " Thank you . " Freezing up seemed to be a pretty common reaction - partly from nerves , and partly just because it is such an unusual situation you probably don 't have a past experience to base it on . If you want to do a really specific pose you can bring in a picture . I 've seen a few people post pictures online with their ops and inspiration images side by side . I 'm sure you 'll do great and love every second of it . Reply BL says : August 10 , 2015 at 5 : 07 am For as outgoing as I am , I tend to keep a lot of stuff private . I haven 't even posted my photos to my own Facebook page ! I might share them at some point , but for now I 'm keeping them to myself . Thanks , though ! Reply Michelle L Mead says : August 21 , 2015 at 12 : 58 am i am going to send this to my daughter and her chaperone , who are attending the denver con in november , both of whom are first time spn con - goers ( although both experienced con - goers ) , so they have an insider 's view on how the spn cons work . i am sure they will appreciate how the spn cons work , since they are pretty different than the huge cons . my daughter ( who is 15 ) has worked her butt off all summer to pay her own way , and her chaperone has spent all summer watching the show and getting into the fandom just to chaperone her . so many feels there . thanks for the extremely excellent blog post . Adriana says : August 11 , 2015 at 11 : 48 am This is such great insight how does it work at the con . I 'm from Central Europe and I 'm the only one fan of Supernatural in my neighborhood , so I do not expect that something like this I could attend . There is many reasons which begin with the availability , the language barrier and end with too much expensive for me . So read about your reminiscences and experiences is for me something amazing . I feel like I was there I myself . So thank you very much . Reply Debbie D says : August 11 , 2015 at 5 : 00 pm I had a great time reading this article ! I wish I had read it last year before my first con . But while I was there I discovered what I wanted to do for this year budgeted and booked my tickets and photo ops and I 'm ready to go to Pasadena in November . Definitely the most important thing is snacks and water ! ! Reply Ginger Roll says : August 17 , 2015 at 2 : 57 pm Nice job ! Loved the tips , but the humor and insight make the article great . DenCon in Nov . will be my first ever … . after plunging headlong into the SPN pool less than a year ago . It is so encouraging and validating to continually hear about the authenticity , sincerity and humility from the people we all adore . And , now I 'm REALLY glad I chose to get a room rather than commute ( even if just for Fri and Sat nights ) ! Thanks again ! Reply BL says : August 18 , 2015 at 12 : 54 am Thank you so much ! I really was blown away by the kindness , creativity , and overall joyfulness of my fellow fans . The actors were very much in the moment , and from the limited in interactions I had with them I did feel like they were appreciative of the SPN Family and thoroughly enjoying the ride . Have fun at DenCon ! Susan K Monaghan says : August 20 , 2015 at 10 : 52 am I 'd like to add my thanks for this . I keep nervously poking at the idea of saving up for a con , and this was really helpful . I agree with Ginger , they should be paying you , you make it sound possible and fun . Reply Gail says : August 22 , 2015 at 10 : 52 pm So glad I happened on this ! My first con ever will SPNCon Pasadena in November . Taking my 15 yr old daughter , but unlike the mom in your article , I was a fan first and it was my idea . Will take your advice seriously ! Especially because my gymnast / athlete girl eats like 4 meals and three snacks a day and gets really cranky when she 's hungry ! Reply BL says : August 26 , 2015 at 9 : 46 am Thank you ! At least in DC people frequently were eating in their seats during the panels . You should be able to eat and still see everything . Have fun ! Reply ( @ thelinderhill ) says : August 31 , 2015 at 3 : 39 am Great article , thanks for writing and posting this ! DC Con was my first SPN con too . I 've been to other types of conventions ( mostly doll collector but I did go to a couple comic book conventions years ago ) but this one was truly a unique experience . I was lucky in that I was able to head to the con directly from work and I was able to leave my car there over the weekend . I didn 't have much planned out besides that tho and was kicking myself for not having brought proper supplies ( like water and snacks ) . I 'm very much an introvert so it was wonderful being able to actually talk to others in line that were newbies and veteran con - goers alike . I don 't have any friends to share my fannishness with in the real world so it was amazing to be able bond with other fans . My photo ops past in a blur and I still look at the photos and find it hard to believe it really happened . I still squeal mentally about accidentally touching Jensen 's belly during that one . I did go for the upgrade for next year 's DC Con . Its at a hotel I 've been to for a doll convention and its only 20 miles from where I live . There are a few more amenities near the new hotel and I 'm hoping to be a little calmer next year . Reply Ginger says : September 5 , 2015 at 2 : 17 pm Just spent a considerable amount of time perusing your photos … very nicely done . The number of expressions from those two " boys " could make such a great collage ! Thanks for sharing ! BL says : September 6 , 2015 at 9 : 20 pm Thank you for the kind words . Your photos are amazing - thank you for sharing them ! I hope you share photos next year , too ! Michele Kendzie says : September 8 , 2015 at 1 : 55 am You are a fabulous writer Brigid ! I laughed throughout this very informative post . I 'm so grateful to you and everyone who writes about the conventions because I may never be able to go to one . I 'm a new SPN fan , having just begun watching ( at the beginning , episode 1 ) at the end of May , at my 14 year old daughter 's insistence . Now I 've watched every episode at least twice , watch convention videos on YouTube , enjoy all the behind the scenes stuff I can find ( I just found the first SPN panel ever on the third disk of the the Season 1 Blu - Ray set ! ) and I can 't wait for Season 11 . I love your map ! I just happen to know the towns for Phantom Traveler - it took place in places I 've been , so it stuck with me . 🙂 Phantom Traveler is set in Pennsylvania - Lehigh Valley Airport and Nazareth . Oddly enough , in the show it looked more Canadian … 😉 Reply evelyn gunardi says : September 19 , 2015 at 12 : 33 pm Thank you for posting this . For my own con experience , VanCon , I took the food part to heart . I brought fruits and a pack of brownies I bought at nearby 7eleven . And I ate that while waiting . And the question part , I experience it first hand . Because I tried to ask every talents a question . I wrote down 3 questions to ask to each talent and a volunteer screened the question and told me which question I should ask . And the post con aka con crud , at the ending of VanCon , I was still fine , but now … another different story . Maybe if it 's possible , I 'll try for Vegas 2019 . I got to start saving if I want to go . Reply BL says : September 24 , 2015 at 3 : 04 am I 'm glad you were able to stock up on food - I 'm sure it makes a huge difference . I hope to go to VanCon someday , I 'm going to be saving up for that one - especially since that one will require more extensive travel . Hopefully we can cross paths at a con someday .
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The title of this post has absolutely no bearing on its subject , but I just squished a mozzie and I 'm rather pleased about it . My last post was about those three little words . " I Love You ' . Those three words make up my favourite phrase in the entire english language . They can reduce a person to the depths of crusty loneliness , or they can raise a person to heights achieved only by the most magnificient pavlova . Turns out not so much for me with the three little words . In a conversation on Monday morning I was told ( among other things ) that ; ' your friends think that you 're immature , offensive and annoying ' . . . ' you think you 're funny , but in fact you 're just rude ' . . . and my personal favourite , ' if you were like this around my friends they would cut you down and you would embarrass me ' . Now , the fact that I can 't be arsed spell checking ' embarassed ' shouldn 't count against me . This conversation on Monday morning that really shook me . Not just figuratively . I called my good friend Ms Coventry about an hour after the fact and I was shaking . For a good twenty five minutes my personality was dissected and torn apart . And I shook . I don 't hurt easily , but this woman who just a few short days ago had told me that she loved me had decided the my personality , the thing that makes me , well , me , was something that needed drastic changes . I 'm in favour of change . I change pants , t - shirt and breakfast cereal almost every other day . But having someone tell you that your personality needs to change . . . I 'm more likely to start creating artistic tea towels featuring tasteful nudes of well known chefs . Not a bad idea come to think of it . I won 't speak badly of her . Not even after she made me shake . She has issues with her body image . Massive issues . First five weeks - lights out sex . No exception . Whenever she got out of bed I was told to look away . Jeans and large tops were the clothes of choice , whatever the occasion . She was not an overweight girl . Sexy , confident and clever . Didn 't like herself a whole bunch though . . . But , I likePosted by I had those words spoken to me a couple of days ago . . . you know the ones . . . there 's three of them . They start with ' I ' and end with ' love you ' . Where to from here ? No fucking idea . Firstly - I 've had a few requests for pics of my new place from overseas folk , so here , courtesy of my reliable phone camera are a few of the lounge , kitchen and of course , my piano . The exposure aint great coz I really just couldn 't be arsed , but you get the idea . . . Lots of space , lots of open plan type styles and plenty of wood . I swear , there is not a better phone camera on the market then my darling Nokia N95 . 5 megapix and it forgives me when I cheat on it with my Canon SLR . Geek info over . Second part - moving . . . you know what happens . . . you clear out a few drawers and discover thngs you haven 't seen in years . I bumped into an old love letter from a girl that broke my heart , and frankly for a girl that shattered me , she said some very nice things . Girls are complicated . I also came across a piece of writing I did a couple of years ago . I used to be the movie reviewer , and television editor , for a New Zealands biggest music and lifestyle magazine . It 's called Rip It Up , and while I stopped writing for them about a year ago I loved the whole process . Aaanyway - moving . . . I found a review that I wrote that the mag refused , kindly , but still refused , to publish . So fuck it . Here it is . The movie has come and gone but I still kinda like the complete and utter nonsense that this review is . . . See below . 300 By Similar Simian The FlickI just saw a movie that 'll give your eyes boners , make your balls scream and make you poop DVD copies of The Transporter . It 's called 300 . I don 't know what the title has to do with the movie , but they could 've called it Kittens Making Candles and it 'd still rule . It 's about these 300 Greek dudes who stomp the sugar - coated shit out of like a million other dudes . I have a feeling that a lot of sports coaches are going to show this film to their teams before they play . Also , gay dudes and divorced women are going to use screen captures for computer wallpaper . Two cool things about the movie and one thing I didn 't like - Cool Thing 1Heavy metal during battle scenes - Who gives aPosted by I moved 3 weeks ago . Not only did I manage to move into a place that actually feels like home , but I also inherited a dog . He belongs to a guy down the street that doesn 't seem to look after him at all well . That being said he 's a healthy , happy fella and I love havin him around . One of the conditions of my getting the lease on this place was that I would look after the dog . The owner of the house I 'm renting , let 's call her Jane because that is in fact her name , had been taking care of him for the last year or so . When I came to look at the place - right now I should point out that when I moved , I moved two doors up the street . . . really . . . used to live at # 23 , now live at # 19 . . . but I digress - when I came to look at the place , bottle of good Sav Blanc in hand she made it clear that as long as I would look after the mutt I could live in her house . Given that I love dogs it was not a stretch to promise that I 'd throw things , put water in things , ladle food into things and generally become a de facto dog owner . Meet Jack . The Golden Retriever that doesn 't retrieve but sure does like having his belly scratched . Mind you , so do I . So here I am . Back once again with the renegade master . A year older . I had a birthday last week . To all those that sent cards and presents , thank you . Which is to say thank you to none of you . That hurt my insides . Actually what probably hurt my insides is the cocktails and substances and dancing like a cirque de soliel dancer . It should be noted here that I dance brilliantly . My hips have a life of their own . Quite often they won 't return home until long after I 've gone to bed . Everything aside , I 've missed posting here . I like the fact that what I think and put to paper ( ? ) is read by people that I have come to like and admire . While I haven 't been posting or commenting I have been keeping up with ya 'll , and I feel very priveledged and honoured that some of you have been asking where I am and how I am . Truth is I 'm not great and I don 't want to go into it . So there . I 'm still trying to fight crime with sexy results , I 'm still trying to send incontinent intercontinental ninja florists , I 'm still trying to replace lightbulbs while spattering by bed covers in ever more interesting patterns of blood , I 'm still falling over myself trying to fall in love and I 'm still walking that fine , fine line between beauty and the beauty of truth . So , all you talented folk who have gievn me your time to read my ramblings . . . cheers . I am back . Older , slightly thinner and more confused that ever before . Now if that ain 't a movie poster I don 't know what is . I 'm broken . Tired , stressed and broken . Ain 't posted in an age due to new girl stress , work stress , finding new house stress , drinking waaaaay too much stress , smoking every cigarette I can get my hands on and generally fretting stress . I can 't do it anymore . Any of it . Want to quit work , want to quit the girl , want to quit the drink and the cigarettes ( obviously some of these things are not entirely a bad idea . . . ) and most of all I really want to quit being the person that I 've become . How is it , and why is it that we end up being . . . sorry , that I end up being someone completely different than the person I know I am ? This has been the hardest two years of my life and I would love to believe the adage of whatever don 't kill ya makes you a ninja , but frankly , I 'm not wearing cotton pajamas , kicking people in the face and killing pandas with my brain . Ninjas can do that you know . . . I 've talked myself into being with the girl , I think . I 've certainly talked myself into doing the job producing and directing the tele show that I don 't want to do but will pay rent and bills but is causing me to squeeze my metaphorical insides like a tube of toothpaste . I 've been ignoring my friend who I adore and I really , really don 't feel like having sex . Even with myself . Or another person . Which is unusual . I rather like sex . Especially with another person . Being a rather selfish , yet giving person ( I 'm a complicated contradiction ) I really don 't know how to deal at the moment . I 'd quite like to run away , but I don 't trust anyone to look after my piano properly , and I 'd probably only run as far as my local bar anyway . But I can 't . I 'm moving house on Sunday after shooting the first episode of the new show on Saturday and then editing it on Monday for a Wednesday on - air date . I 'm freeeeeeaking out . We walked through the evening crowds , loving the faces , loving the laughter , loving the perfumes of skin and hair . Loving the feel of this woman on my arm . And yet I was alone , far too alone with my love of this town and my growing feelings and fears of this woman . Sooner or later fate puts us together with all the people , one by one . It shows us what we could , what we could not , what we should and should not , let ourselves become . Sooner or later we meet the drunkard , the wasted , the betrayer , the ruthless mind and the hate filled heart . But fate , bless it , loads the dice , because I always find myself pitying almost all these people . And it 's almost impossible to despise someone you honestly pity , almost as much as it 's impossible to shun someone you love . Love is on my mind . Sex is also on my mind . Freud said that we 're motivated by the drive for sex . Another well respected gentleman disagreed , Dr Adler said we 're motivated by the drive for power . Yet another , Dr Victor Frankle , he said sex and power were important drives , but when you can 't get either one - no sex , and no power - there 's still something else that keeps driving us . The drive for meaning . I believe that in my life the drive for sex , the drive for power , the drive for meaning . . . they 're all part and parcel of the same motivation . I just wish I knew what that was . I want to quantify it and boil it down and grab it in two hands and keep it in an open box to study it . Things are slightly off centre in a very new relationship , and if it 's off centre this soon . . . well . . . I think too much . Friday night . Ms MJ picks me up for date number two . CUT TOSaturday night . Taxi drops me back at my place after dark . FADE TO BLACKREVEAL . . . Her good friends hold a party . Many people . None I know . Doesn 't bother me , that situation never has . Vodka is poured , conversations exchanged , laughter . There 's a kiss . She cuts me a line of something . I inhale . There 's dancing and more vodka and more laughter and another secret , quiet , yet shattering kiss . The sun is coming up . Another line is put in front of me . I inhale . Music changes , from rhythmic dance to James Brown telling the world he 's a sex machine . More vodka , more laughter , more conversations , someone takes out a camera . An embrace on the deck , a whispered letter to each other . The sun is fully up . Sunglasses go on . The music goes on . An invitation . . . come with me back to mine . . . I go . We sleep . Her wrapped in me . We wake . We laugh . There 's a golden number of kisses . Conversation flows easily . I leave for my own home . As I leave she speaks . I want to see you again very badly . Those words of hers are mine forever now . I can hear them . It 's easy . All I have to do is close my eyes . I 've been internet dating . The woman I have stopped seeing was an internet . It worked . First dates are easy . Second dates , not so much . Third dates more difficult still . Finding my woman who knows ? Good fucking luck . Last night I hitched up my special trousers and sprayed the special scent around my general direction and went on a first date with a woman that we 'll call Ms MJ . I had arranged to meet Ms MJ last week before I had my whispered promise moment with a woman that I never thought I 'd see again . The whispered promise girl hasn 't called . So I went and dated . We shook hands and stared at each other . Open faced and button nosed she was . Guileless and unlined but with a weary shadow across her eyes . It was as if she had sealed shut some doors on herself , and stood guard over them . There was pride . I admire that in a woman . It should never , ever be underestimated . But there was maybe a little sadness too . It 's taken me a long time to realise that everyone is just as tired , worried , proud and sad as you or me . Mostly me . The heartbreaking joy I put into sowing emotions that might bloom is something that gives me the strength to face the fear of love and the desparate hunger of loneliness . So , under the indigo sky of Auckland I dated . Voices were raised in laughter and excitment . Drinks were drained . Drinks were ordered . ' Same again ? Sure . . . your round ? ' There 's a kind of inspiration that 's not much more than doing the right thing in the right way , but it only happens when I empty my heart of ambition , purpose and plan . It only works when I give myself completely to the moment , golden and relentless . So I kissed her . Properly . A good kiss is like a promise . I can tell in that first kiss if I want to dream of future nights with this woman . It was a very good kiss . And now I 'm conflicted . The whispered promise has not called . I 've had four emails today with the lovely past woman . I 've just had a text from Ms MJ . Conflicted . And yet content . I don 't know how that works , but somehow , for me , it does . But I have no idPosted by Spring in my glorious Auckland has infected me with a strange fever . Poetry fever baby . My current fave . . . kinda reflects my mood . . . He WishesHad I the heavens ' embroidered cloths , Enwrought with golden and silver light , The blue and the dim and the dark clothsOf night and light and the half light , I would spread the cloths under your feet : But I , being poor , have only my dreams ; I have spread my dreams under your feet ; Tread softly because you tread on my dreams . Mr W . B . Yeats . That last line . . . ? Man . I 'm blue . Emotionally haphazard . There has been a split from a lady that I care about but just isn 't the right one at the right time . There has been an explosion in the life of one of my closest friends which has broken her heart . There has been a notice from the property manager that I must vacate by November 13 as the owner of my lovely rented villa wishes to return . There has been work arranged , then cancelled , then arranged again , only to be cancelled once more . Then last night I was halted in my stride by a woman I haven 't seen in five years . Slender , just past shoulder length blond hair and pale skin . Straight posture , determined presence . Loose cotton shirt , blue jeans . Beautiful . The clue to everything a man should love and fear was there , in her stance , in her look , in her first words . There was pride in her smile as she spoke . Years ago I 'd mistaken that pride for arrogance . I won 't make that mistake again . I was lost immediately . Floating and lost . Her hand was on my arm as she spoke . Familiar and as exciting as a whispered promise . Once we were lovers , now we were strangers . So we stood . I looked at her , a stranger , yet so recognisable to me . A voice in my heart said yes , yes , yes . We talk , we talk for almost two hours . I struggle to get words out . I worry , I hope instinct is true and right . My heart has never guided me as well as my head , and heart was well and truely steering the ship last night . She will look at me in the next week as we sit across from each other , and I 'll continue to struggle to define the colour of her eyes . I won 't tell her what I want to tell her . The determination I have to not make the same mistakes of five years ago is amost brutal . My heart is moving through deep and silent water . She is a woman who knows . She might be . . . might be . . . my woman who knows . There we are , dining , sitting , drinking , laughter ringing . And yet things are a bit sticky . She has accused me , not to put too fine a point on it , of lying to her . I said there were lies everywhere . Take the oxtail soup on the menu for instance . I asked her , why , if the tail of an ox was so good had I never knowingly eaten any other part of an ox ? The answer of course is that most oxtail soup is actually cowtail soup but that sounds like someting you 'd feed to a slightly ill canine , so oxtail soup it is , and that 's a lie . Such a good lie that butchers throughout the land fool people with it . And then they laugh the secret laugh of the butcher . I don 't know it . Where would we be without lies ? There 'd be no television news or songs by Justin Timberlake or pretty much any other pop artist . There 'd be no advertisements or any of the other things that make life worth living . I went to Canberra years ago , before it became the cosmopolitan centre of all that is good and hip , back in the good old days where good tastes merry fist slammed down on anything that looked vaguely out of place or interesting . It was all grey concrete and bad beer and women that smelt like crime . But there wasn 't an ad to be seen , not a single poster to tell you that if you didn 't use this particular deoderant you 'd most likely be attacked by wolverines , or if you went to Prague you 'd be a better person . There was nothing . What they needed was a sprinkling of lies . ' My simple point , ' I said to her , ' is that lying is dangerous and human and creative and necessary for the maintenance of society . Animals can 't do it and we can . And there 's little joy to be got from truth , ' I said . ' I mean truth 's one of two things : it 's nasty , it 's boring or it 's false . ' Kindly she didn 't point out that was three things , but then she said , ' false truth ' ? ' What ? ' ' False truth , ' I said , ' is like how - to - become - rich books , or opinion polls or I love you . ' ' You do ? ' she said . ' I do , ' I said . I 've been waiting for Kevin Smith to make a movie that I didn 't hate . . . This might be it . Brilliant one - sheet . Laugh ? I almost shat . When I was seven I knew what I wanted to be . I wanted to be a ballboy at Wimbledon . Each year as the tournament approached I waited for my invitation to crouch beside the net . I sensed my greatness at leaping and stretching and gathering . I would please the crowd with demonstrations of individual individuality . People would call my name and raise their hands . Somewhere in the crowd would be a sprightly young lass who would one day become my woman who knows . . . Tennis flares every year for me . It 's like migrating bird . Into the sunlight it swoops , exotic and flighty , and then it buggers off . This however is not the buggering off time . This is the time of raquets and nets and putting my glasses to one side and flailing gracefully . Running from side to side , panting , wearing pants that are aerodynamic , sweat pouring , falling over . All of these make tennis tennis . Summer is coming . ( cheers to Tane for the pic of our summer holiday ) My love of music knows few boundaries . In making music tv for the past few years I 've worked with folk musicians , hip hoppers , rockers , rappers , soulers and everything in between . It 's not a cliche or a cop out when I say I like a little bit o ' everything . So when I say that my favourite music at the moment is coming fron a doco that I 've had in my DVD library ( yeah , I 'm a massive geek ) for the past 3 years , you best believe I mean it . YOU BEST BELIEVE ! ( that 's my threatening tone . . . ) If you haven 't seen the film Dave Chapelles ' Block Party , I suggest you do . It will raise the hairs on your soul . Well , it does to me . I have a broken mouth . Not because of gingernuts or my penchant for foul language , but because I broke a tooth a year or so ago on a nacho . That tooth was weak and it had to go . It has not had any impact on my life . I 'm funny lookin , with or without tooth . . . but I 'm fun to be around and have many new and old friends , some who have been pashed , some who have not . My parents called tonight and said they 'd pay for the tooth to be fixed . I love my folks . They are a complete triumph of love . Everything that bullies love and truth into hatred and discord they 've fought against , and they 're still hopelessly lost without each other after 35 years . They are my ideal of love . If I 'm lucky enough to meet my woman who knows , she will most likely get on with my Mum and Dad . Despite my admiration and love for them they have a fascination with my broken tooth . I think a lot of it comes from the fact that next year as my younger brother gets married I have to stand up and give a spectacular speech as his best man . I believe that they are worried about my appearance . That annoys me . I can stand in front of people . I can speak in front of people . These things I have never had a problem with . But , to appease my darling parents , I will fix the tooth . However I will not wear pants during the ceremony . I know four bits of German . The first three of them , in what seems to be the right order , are faster , tank , and eleven beers please . I learned them from war comics . My fourth bit of German is the very useful word Zeitgeist . It literally means the ghost of the future . Less literally it means the spirit of the age . But though I do like the word Zeitgeist , I don 't like it 's present manifestation . For I am out of tune with the Zeitgeist . The Zeitgeist requires us to be driven people . Efficient . Productive . Refridgerated . We are required to be lured by the football of success towards the goals that we may or may not have set for ourselves somewhere on the playing field of life . If the Zeitgeist required me to talk nonsense with people I love , drink enormous amounts of wine , smoke as many delicious Marlboro ( sp . thank you Selma ) Lights as I can humanly handle , waste time in ever more creative ways . . . actually , that brings me to a quote I read a while back . It was a rather impressive dude called Philip Larkin who observed that it matters bugger all what you do with time for ' however you use it , it goes ' . I love nothing better than to paddle in the shallows of thought . This blog should be evidence enough of that . The world is various , and to waste time is simply to float in its variety . Eleven beers please . ( this post is your fault , K Banazi ) There comes a time when a body craves something more substantial than aspirins . And it was just this time last Sunday that I read an article about baking biscuits . Grandmothers bake biscuits . I don 't . I don 't even have a tin to fill . But the article featured a recipe for gingernuts . I love gingernuts . Bite into a dry one and it 's even money which will break first , a tooth or the biscuit . Dunk a gingernut in coffee though and it becomes something that can raise a a holler . I read the recipe . I salivated and decided I would bake . Having gone through the pantry for ingredients , I rang a woman who knows . She told me that no , I couldn 't really do without eggs or ginger . Nor could I substitute noodles for flour or beer for golden syrup . I had to have baking soda too apparently , but she reassured me that even if I never baked another biscuit my baking soda would not go to waste . I could clean the bath with it . She clearly does not read this blog . The woman who knows doesn 't know my bath . Anything that can clean my bath has no business being in a biscuit . It would be more at home on a warhead . Measuring 100 grams of butter on the bathroom scales proved to be inconclusive , but all great cooks are innovators . On the 16th of March 1985 I took 6 wickets for forty - two against the lesser talents of Saint Kents Intermediate school , and was presented with the ball . Like my piano , that ball has travelled everywhere with me . A cricket ball weighs five and a half ounces ( according to my 1976 Wisdon Cricket World Almanac ) . I googled furiously and discovered I needed two thirds of a cricket ball of butter , one and a half cricket balls of sugar and one and three quarters of flour . After that it was simply a matter of placing the cricket ball in a bowl in one hand and the ingredients in a bowl in the other and seeing which way I leaned . Then I moved on to creaming the butter and sugar . Little known baking fact . . . Creaming ingredients is a very effective method of bending forks . After many minutes of flying ingredients around the kitchePosted by A friend has knocked on the door about 15 minutes ago and dropped a little music on me . If you 're a fan of soulful , tender , funky , little bit o ' hip - hopness , flat out groovy music I need to point you in the direction of This Was Supposed To Be The Future by The Nextmen . Collaborations with 2 of my favourite vocalists in Alice Russell from the UK and Dallas from here in Aotearoa , along with many other standouts along the way . Buy it . Download it . Send a crack team of ninjas to steal it for you . Get it . Summer is here baby . Picture me if you will . Sunday night . Stars looking down upon me . Music playing . Vodka dripping on my shoes . I am the very picture of suave . My eyes have that half closed Lawrence - of - Arabia look which creeps upon me late and secretly . In one hand I clutch a fresh vodka tonic , in the other a half smoked Marlboro Light . In my mouth there is also a half smoked Marlboro Light . Another half smoked Marlboro Light appears to be in the ashtray to my left . Around the room women visibly struggle to resist my allure . It says a lot for the women at this bar that they have so far succeeded . But as the evening wears on I can see them struggling , like dolphins caught in a net . One woman has approached . ' You 've got vodka on your shoes , ' she said . Words can mask the strongest feelings . When you 're as in tune with the female psyche as I am you see beyond the mere words . ' I know , ' I relied , and winked at her . She understood , gave a little nervous snort that people nearby may have mistaken for disgust , and melted back into the crowd . Barely 3 hours had flown by after that encounter when out came Destiny . Destiny wore a frock . She wore a frock made of the purest silk . Little silken holes gave glimpses of flesh that would have sent a weaker man to his knees . She was a woman who knows . ' Destiny , ' I whispered . ' You 're drunk , ' said Destiny . I 've seen it so often . The way women conceal their desire behind abuse . I merely smiled my knowing smile and swayed to my own special internal rhythm . I would let Destiny take her course . She removed the fourteen cigarettes from my smoulderingness and with a voice that could melt Everest said ' Lets dance . ' I allowed myself to be led to the dancefloor , pausing only to trip over a potted plant . Space cleared immediately on the dancefloor , due mainly to awe at my prowess . I dance for keeps . I may have drawn Destiny 's blood . Words were unnecessary . Nevertheless , as I lurched on the spot , Destiny would murmur to me , ' Ow , ' she 'd say . Somehow when the music stopped playing Destiny and I were separated . But it Posted by I 've been reading poetry today . In the spirit of full disclosure I should add that I 've also been drinking beer and watching the US Open , but all the while I 've been reading poetry . William Blake to be exact . To see a world in a grain of sandAnd a heaven in a wild flower , Hold infinity in the palm of your handAnd eternity in an hour . He gets my panties in a bunch . In a really good way . A duo of young Mormons visited me the other day . Dark suited and softly spoken they stood outside my front door . . I stood just inside the front door wearing only a pair of boxer shorts . It was 11am . I invited them inside . They didn 't hesitate . In they came , taking off their backpacks and perching on the edge of the couch . Then they quietly and softly tried to make a Mormon out of me . I went to put on pants . Once my pants and I returned , Doug 's first question ( I don 't think Doug was his name but I was very hungover and wasn 't paying attention to anything , hence the no - pant door answer ) was whether I believe in a supreme being . I said I didn 't . Religious belief is irrational . That doesn 't make it wrong . Love is irrational . Laughter too . Life without love or laughter would be a hollow , hollow thing . Any man 's religion is his affair and his alone , but if he tries to foist it upon me then it becomes my affair . He has become a door to door salesman and I am entitled to study the goods . The goods that arrived with Doug and Bigpoppypimpleboy were wierd and shonky . Apparently in the Mormon Visitors Centre in Utah , a glass box like a vast aquarium holds a life sized model of the church 's founder , Joseph Smith . A recording tells of how in 1830 Smith was praying on a mountainside ( an aside : why is it always a mountainside or a cave or a barren wasteland these guys are praying in ? What the fuck is wrong with a street , or a tastefully decorated living room ? Really ? Aside over . ) when bloody hell and touch my pants , an angel appeared to him . At this point I 'm certain bright lights came into play and there was probably singing from angels that looked a little slutty , but in fact weren 't . The recording in Utah explains how the slutty ( but not ) angels gave Smith some gold plates with church rules written on them . Smith memorized what they said . This was lucky , because by the time he came back from the mountain the golden plates had vanished . Nevertheless , what was on those magic , vanishing golden plates became the basis for the MorPosted by Once upon a time I liked this woman a lot . It should be said that this is not the woman in question in the photo above . . . Moving on people . . . Anyway , so then I stopped liking her , or she stopped liking me . Whatever man . . . I do remember asking what she had in her kayak . And also asking where she hid the dog . Actually , thinking about it , I may have asked where she hid the God . She was Christian . I also remember hiring ninjas to deliver her a rather impressive bunch of flowers . Anyway , she stopped liking me , or I stopped liking her . In retrospect the ninjas may not have helped . Nights like this , I really miss my friends that used to live with me . I generally write a load of old bollocks . . . No , no , it 's true . I really do . I sit here and write whatever comes into my head . It could be lightbulb related , it could be ninja related , it could be tattoo related . My mind is a cornicopia of a mish - mash of scrambled loves , hates and relatives . I broke up with a girl tonight . About 84 minutes ago to be exact . It wasn 't love , and it should be . I 'm trying to work out where the funny is in the situation and failing like a man that can 't find the funny . Perhaps I 'm pre - menstrual ? I read a sentence once , a very long time ago . It 's from a book . With pages . The line was : " Words destroy the functions of love . " If I think about that sentence literally , it doesn 't make any sense . None at all . But the feeling of the sentence . . . the emotion behind the words , makes perfect sense right now . Being a massive romantic comedy fan , ( and yet somehow still heterosexual ) I want my life to be filled with golden light and witty one - liners . Is it too much to ask for me to require the same from a potential ? Probably . End of self indulgent . Since Roman times they 've been saying silly things about wine - ' in the finish a hint of vanilla and asphalt ' is a particular favourite . Nonsense wording aside , wine has continued to do its principle job of making you sleep with people you shouldn 't , or say regrettable things at dinner parties . It should be noted that sometimes both of these things happen on the same night and are undoubtably related . Now however , and this is serious , the high priests of pretension have got their claws into coffee . Coffee is a simple thing and it 's good . In the morning it prises apart the eyelids and unbends the fingers . At work it soothes the hangover . It makes the ideal accompaniment to fifteen cigarettes . It 's bad for you . Coffee is awesome . But now - and I quote a conversation I overheard the other day somewhere in a trendy part of the city : Waitperson : ' Welcome sir , to our unpretentious brasserie somewhere in the trendy part of the city . My name is Gustave . I am your waitperson today . You may admire my pony - tail . What can I do for you sir ? ' Generic Man : ' A cup of coffee please . ' Waitperson : ( suppressing a giggle ) ' I beg your pardon sir ? ' Generic Man : ' A cup of coffee please . . . ' Waitperson : ( patronisingly now , for it has dawned on him that he is dealing with Generic Man : ' Do you perchance mean a latte with an acute accent Sir ? Or perhaps a Cappuccino with a randon number of p 's and c 's scattered through it 's name and then sprinkled with a light coating of midget dust to disguise the flavour of burnt coffee which you will barely taste anyway due to the seven inches of froth covering the entire cup . . . Or perhaps a short black is what you require , with or without racial jokes . . . ' At this point Generic Man realises he has two options . He can leave . Or he can hit the waitperson . While I don 't condone violence , unless ninjas are involved , I recommend hitting the waitperson and then biting him when he 's on the ground . Anyway - I say wine is fine as it is . And so is coffee . But for now it seems the pretentious are no longer content in theiPosted by So I 've been making music TV in New Zealand for a while . Some good , some not so much . The good has always been because of me , the bad because of you . . . or someone else . . . just not me ( ask Julia ) . I had a meeting on Friday to ask for funding for a pilot episode of a music show that I 've been planning in my head since May ' 06 . Let me just reiterate that - It 's been in my head since May 2006 . This show is lions and tigers and bears . But I think I have the funding . And now I have to do it . Fuck . I 'm not a fan of cursing . . . ( God looks down and laughs , Matt returns laughter and then realises he doesn 't believe in what he 's laughing at and looks at his wine and wonders if he 's had quite enough for one night ) Wish me luck folks , this 'll be interesting . Poor Mr Williams . Mr Williams is 23 years old and he lives in America . America is the land of the free and the home of the brave so Mr Williams should be happy but he is sad . One day Mr Williams went to a place where people write on you and you pay them money . And what they write on you doesn 't come off . The place he went to was called Eternal Tattoos . Eternal means that what they write on you really seriously doesn 't come off . Lots of people have tattoos . Most of these people are boys . Some girls get tattoos but my mum says these are not nice girls and I shouldn 't talk to them , even when they talk to me . My mum says good girls don 't get tattoos because good girls have more sense . Anyway , Mr Willams isn 't a girl . He is a very tough man . The trouble was that lots of people didn 't know how tough he was so Mr Williams wanted to get a tattoo which would tell them . Then he wouldn 't have to bash them all the time . He could just show them his tattoo and they would say , ' Ooooo you 're tough Mr Williams , ' and he would say , ' Yes . ' So Mr Williams went up to the nice man in Eternal Tattoos and said , ' I would like a tattoo which tells people I am tough . ' The nice man said that all tattoos make people think you 're tough and what tattoo did Mr Williams want . Mr Williams thought for a bit and he said , ' I want you to write VILLAIN on my arm . ' ' Okay , ' said the tattooist . Mr Williams was happy because he knew the word VILLAIN would frighten people . If he went into a bank he could just roll up his sleeve and point at his tattoo and people would say , ' After you Mr Villain , ' and let him go to the front of the queue . And if he wanted to buy something in a shop he could ask the price and when the girl in the shop said a big price Mr Williams could point at his arm and say a small price and the girl would say , ' Okay . ' When Mr Williams came out with his new tattoo on his arm he was very proud . The first thing he did was go into a clothes shop and buy several t - shirts with very short sleeves . He put on one of the t - shirts then he went up to an oPosted by You may not have heard about it , but many years ago I used to have strongly worded arguments with my mother about washing the bathroom floor , mainly about the fact that I wouldn 't do it . My argument , which I thought a strong one , was that it would only get dirty again . Since then , I have learned , for a man , keeping the bathroom clean is easy . You pay someone else to do it . Or you acquire female flatmates ( women who know . . . ) that beat you with small forest animals until you clasp a mop in your quivering hands and get down to business . Keeping the body clean is less easy . I suppose you could pay someone to do it , but that might get complicated , and if you pause to think of a cleaning lady ( or flatmate . . . shudder ) with only a cloth between her and your special places , you 'll probably head to the shower alone . Maybe . The first law of the shower states that no two shower controls in the universe are the same . The second law states that the markings on the shower controls bear no relation to the temperature of the water . The third states that , however much a shower control may rotate , the difference between a manly shriek of scalded horror and a manly sigh of contented pleasure is never more than one millimetre . Years of research and millions of dollars have gone into perfecting a vinyl / plastic / composite bathroom floor material that grips nicely when dry but is deadly when wet . It kills people . Shatters hips , knees and dignity . Of course , when falling you always manage to flick the shower control that one important millimetre and end up crying and scalded or freezing . Baths however are splendid for some things . The first of which is eating , because a bath is a ready - made and efficient rubbish trap . They 're also good for reading in - but not borrowed books . Rule one of baths is that borrowed books fall into it . Rule two is that all other books do too . Baths also have the added benefit of providing a little extra room for a companion . For this to work with any success you must ensure that you have known the person opposite / oPosted by Ben Stiller should star in every movie . Man , I love Ben Stiller . I can 't get enough of him . Someone needs to invent a way to liquify him so he can be injected directly into my veins in super - saturated form , because his monopoly on comedy isn 't enough . I don 't know when it dawned on me that we need more movies starring Ben Stiller , but I think it happened around the time I came out of the theater after seeing a preview for " Envy " during " Starsky & Hutch , " an ad for " Dodgeball " in the theater lobby , and " Along Came Polly " playing in a theater across the metaphorical street . That 's just not enough for an actor of his caliber . Each of his characters is unique , displaying the full gamut of emotions on the spectrum ( of emotions ) , ranging from : extremely quirky and neurotic to somewhat quirky and neurotic . Ben Stiller should be cloned so that we can have more of his movies released in theaters simultaneously . Better yet , why not create a movie where Stiller stars in every role ? It could be like " Multiplicity , " except good . They could call it : Along Came Something About Royal Focker 's Envy for the Dodgeballs of Mystery MenIt would be the best movie ever . It would start out with Ben Stiller trying to revive some obscure children 's ball game in order to impress his highschool sweetheart , only to learn that she has psychotic ex - CIA parents who hit it big when they discover a formula that makes shitty movies disappear . I love movies . I love them with a big moist embrace , but I just hate Ben Stiller . Mmmmm , moist . Somewhere in the dark of the Auckland day , ninjas came and ninja 'd my email . It 's got ninja spikes and ninja swords and ninja lawnmowers all through it 's email heart . I believe that I have the power to heal it though . Mind you , I also believe that Uncle Derek really wanted to play hide and seek . Hopefully my email will not end up the same way as Uncle Derek . Rich and hiding from the authorities . If needed ( untill the ninja menace is banished ) I can be got at mattthehouse @ gmail . com . Do you know him ? His email address is lesjones @ uole . com , so I 'm guessing his name is Les Jones . If you know him , or know someone that knows him , either kick him yourself , or get them to kick him for me . Kick him squarely in the centre of his man . And when he is doubled over , not sure whether to vomit or faint , kick him again in the centre of his man . Then take a photo . Send me the photo and I 'll buy you dinner to the value of $ 13 . 95 . I 'll take the photo out to dinner with us and use it as a napkin . When I go to pay I won 't be suprised if the maitre 'd has seen the napkin / picture and says that this one is on the house sire . Why thank you , I will reply . If you don 't know Les Jones , feel free to hunt him for me . An easier solution to this whole thing would be to get a better spam filter but I hate this webophirical Mr Jones . And I will not be satisfied with rational behaviour . Then again , when am I ever ? My mind is on other things . I 'm sorry . It 's not you , it 's me . . . hell , it 's not me , it 's you . Why are you looking at me like that ? Where did you put the dog ? What 's that in your canoe ? Is that a glue gun in your hand ? These and other conversational gems have all been gathering dust in my relationship repertoire as I bounce contentedly bachelouresque along my life . One day , one day I swear I 'll be lucky enough to meet a woman who knows . Her name will be exotic and she will smell of flowers and insence and potatoes and she shall tolerate my shortcomings , enjoy my long comings and then callously break my heart by leaving me for Hillary Clinton . And then I shall be in the position that I have been longing to be in . I can finally turn and ask , " Pardon me Celeste , but what is that in your canoe ? And where did you put the dog ? " And then , as she leaves I shall crumble . Broken . Alone . And she shall not turn , not glance , no island in her eyes , no salvation here . I crumble . Love , even imaginary smittenish love , is a cruel game . I wish I played better . It has come to my attention that I require a woman who knows . Most of my close friends are women who know . Even my male friends are , in part , women who know - or at least they are lucky enough to have succesfully convinced a woman who knows that they are viable material for nights on the couch and sweet mutterings . I hate my male friends . I am competant , dare I say it ( I dare , I dare ) at many things . Home renovation is not one of them ( as evidenced by previous blog post ) . Fortunately the knocking of holes , fitting of eletrical thingies , banging of nails and hanging of pictures is not a challenge that one comes up against very often . Quiche I am not competant at . This saddens me . I realise real men don 't eat quiche but I like it and I don 't care if it makes my wrists fat . There is a woman who knows who assured me that quiche is easy . But it requires pastry . When I wrenched my trusty Edmonds Cookbook from my pantry I discovered seven different recipes for pastry . I was shocked and appalled to discover that to make one 's own pastry requires ' cold hands ' . Lacking a thermometer , I headed to the supermarket where I found a large chunk of ready made pastry that looked like the thigh of a corpse . I also found a replacement set of screwdrivers . They are awesome . I can remember as a kid my mother rolling pastry . She made it look very easy . However she never tried to roll pastry with an empty wine bottle . The neck of the bottle proved to be a good handle . The bottom , not so much . And proper rolling pins don 't come with a label that comes off in little pieces on your pastry . Church Road Pastry anyone ? Transferring the pastry to the pan that was serving as a pastry dish was an activity that made me glad I wasn 't in the Big Brother house . My floor was greedily devouring each delicate driblet of goodness that came its way . But eventually all was done and I gently folded it into corners and baked it blind as Edmonds had told me to do and I mixed a $ 400 block of cheese and a $ 200 pottle of cream and many other expensive ingredients tPosted by A few million years ago our ancestors hauled themselves out of the sea and lay panting on the beach . Every summer - not at this moment however , that would be retarded - we head back and do the same thing . I 'm thinking of summer holidays past , the beach , the sun screen . the late afternoon drinks , the wine , the accidentally seeing a friends boob . . . It 's a pilgramige . It 's elemental . Earth and water . Water and earth . Boob and sand . . . The beach itself is not such a hospitable place . Dead jellyfish to the left , seagull carcass to the right , run - aground catamaran straight ahead , boobs behind you . . . And yet , despite all this , year after year we return to the beach and certain people embrace the sun and the heat like reptiles . They baste and bake and lie content in the knowledge that cancer is sexy . Toes wriggle and bodies writhe , for the beach is a sensual place . The beach is a place of flesh . Small people run in the shallows , squealing and yelling . They build things made of sand , they fight and they bury their parents . They will spend much of the next 15 years doing the same thing . It 's the teenagers who are most in tune with the beach . Whether they be in wetsuits , or fancy new sand resistant outfits , they will parade the lean and the taut . They will shriek and laugh and play and shriek some more . Then they will play some more in thigh deep water and make you feel inadequate . From the beach they look like seals . Then they plunge and swim a few strokes . Becoming instantly bored . There is no goal here for them . They cavort up the sand to collapse on novelty oversized beach towels . Those older , wiser and carrying more baggage look on . Over the course of any year we gather things that we consider important . We get money , status and cars and pants . At the beach we remove ourselves of all these . The beach is good for us . The beach is the edge of the world . On the horizon a ship with sails that beckon is held by the afternoon sun . A dog , black against the tide , barks through the waves . It is a happy dog . Not wearing pants . BecausPosted by Therapy is good . Therapy is in . The dirty old Yanks got it first but by sweet baby Jesus when the Yanks say jump coz it 's good for you , we jump like a bean made in Mexico . Just like you I want to go to a trim , mature , smartly dressed , sympathetic woman who has a hint of a middle European accent , and I want to lie down on her couch and I want to burst into tears . ' Help me , ' I weep . ' I am small and feeble and thirty three and pink . Help me . ' She says nothing . I let rip . I explode in her consulting room . I burst like an over - ripe pimple . Self pity and regret drip onto her off - white carpet . My shame and self loathing colour the walls a pale yellow . She says nothing . ' For God 's sake , ' I scream , ' can 't you see , it 's all gone horribly wrong . Therapist , mother , Therapist - Mother , mend my aching soul , my fear , my crippled feelings , my dishonesty . Shake me . Let me step forth into tomorrow , resolute and honest . Let me tell those that tell me what to do not to tell me what to do . Let me tell the beautiful that they are indeed beautiful . Let me hug people and laugh and sing and assemble outdoor furniture and then put food on that outdoor furniture and then eat that food with friends that I will laugh and sing with . Then we shall sleep the sleep of the just and wake refreshed . Teach me to live Therapist - Mother , won 't you teach me to live ? ' Half an hour of this blubber and I feel just dandy . I bounce from the couch . I seize her cool hand . On an impulse I hug her , feeling the ridges of her straight spine . I slightly dislodge her spectacles . She gives me a warm understanding smile . But she says nothing . At tthe desk outside sits a young woman with a stopwatch and a box of tissues . She presents the stopwatch . ' Thirty threee minutes today Mr House , at $ 7 . 50 is . . . lets call it $ 250 . ' Lets 's call it $ 300 , ' I sing , handing her crisp new bills fresh from a friendly cash machine and snatch a tissue as you never know when you might need one . We part with a smile , her with the cash , me with the tissue , and a full heart and clear eyes . It 's calledPosted by My bedroom light fizzled then died . I crept to the kitchen for a replacement bulb . One week and three trips to the supermarket later , I remembered to buy one . The dead bulb had held 60 watts so I bought one containing 100 watts . It should last nearly twice as long . I stood on my bed . I reached for the light . Raising both hands above one 's head does little for the balance . Nevertheless I removed the dead lightbulb . I did this by not letting go of it as I fell . The glass came away nicely in lots of little pieces . Some of them even had blood on them , making a lovely decorative effect on my snowy white bachelor linen . Close technical inspection revealed that I had indeed removed the bulb . What I hadn 't removed was what home handymen call the metal thing that fits into the other thing . I headed to the toolbox for pliers . One week and three trips to the supermarket later I remebered to buy pliers . They had green handles and were made in Taiwan and they didn 't cost very much . They said ' Heavy Duty ' on the handle . They were awesome . I stood on the bed again . The thing that was stuck in the other thing came out with a crack . A chunk of the thing it was stuck into broke off . The pliers broke too . Undaunted I inserted the new bulb . It lit up . A large , painful handful of live electricity unnerves me and as I fell back into my snowy bachelor linen I gracefully turned so as to land on the pliers which now had no handles . Standing and peering into the thing I saw that the bit of the thing I had broken off was the bit of the thing that held the lightbulb onto the thing . It wasn 't just a lightbulb I needed . I needed an entire new thing . One week and three trips to the supermarket later I remembered to find out that the supermarket doesn 't sell things . I needed a specialist thing shop . I thought of asking someone to help me . Pride said no . The man in the eletrical shop smiled when I explained in technical terms exactly what I was looking for . It was the smile of one expert to another . In no time at all he unearthed exactly the right tPosted by I drove back from Wellington over the weekend and it was a combination of awesomeness and panic . I wore clothes almost all of the time , which accounts for the awesomeness part , but panicked like a schoolgirl being offered candy when I got snowed on . Although , come to think of it , I kinda like candy . Especially from strangers . What I didn 't like was sliding all over the road like an amputee on roller skates . But that 's all by the by . . . The best moment was when I stopped at a little rest area ( which is just like a rest home only they don 't tape your mouth up for asking for a cup of tea ) just out of Taumaranui and decided to make Snow Angels in the paddock alongside it . I clambered out of the car - I 'd put my pants back on by this time . I have to say , there 's nothing quite as freeing as driving along knowing that your man parts are resting comfortably on the driving seat as you contemplate picking up that hitchhiker standing on the side of the road . . . Mmmm , candy . . . But I digress , where was I ? Ah , Snow Angels . . . Clambering out of the car , straight into a puddle of slush and water and ice , take two steps to the grass and gracefully leap over the fence . . . Into the paddock , wringing out the bottom of my jeans which have ripped with my graceful leaping over barbed wire , looking for a good solid pile of snow on which to plant myself . Looking left , then right for cattle or sheep or anything that might pose a threat to my imminent Snow Angel spectacular . The field is covered in about 6 - 8 inches of snow with a few bits of grass showing through here and there . About 10 metres up the hill is a good duvet sized patch of white gold . I pause briefly to marvel at the beauty and wonder of nature and then write my name in the snow with urine ; My own urine , I don 't carry around other peoples piss . . . Walking up to my pristine patch of duvet sized snow I pause and catch my breath . Snow is hard to walk in . Taking three more steps I reach my region and catch my breath once more . Snow really is hard to walk in . Breathing in deeply I face baPosted by I had a realisation last night . And now I can 't remember it . It was a good one too , full of big ideas covered in hopes and dreams and topped off with a healthy layer of optimism . And now I can 't remember it . It was probably about something to do with work , but I can 't remember so really , it could have been about anything from porn to cheesecake . Or perhaps both ?
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Ava hates men , she has reason and she 's vowed not only never to get involved with another one again but also to exact vengeance on her best friend 's , lying , cheating husband . Since Luke , Ava 's childhood crush , is now a private investigator , she thinks to enlist him but changes her mind at the last second . Too late , Luke knows she 's up to something and he 's already seen many a Rock Chick try to fight her own battles without the Hot Bunch stepping in . He 's having none of it . She 's having none of him . The clash of the Rock Chick and Hot Guy begins but Luke 's got the advantage . He has handcuffs and he 's not afraid to use them . Technically , the main story between the H and h can be read as a standalone . However , there are going to be references and characters that have been … moreTechnically , the main story between the H and h can be read as a standalone . However , there are going to be references and characters that have been introduced since the first book , and it may leave you feeling lost . I would highly say that you read it in order . : ) ( less ) She 's fond of rock music that 's why she 's called rock chick . In fact , all these chicks are fond of rock music even though music doesn 't have really … moreShe 's fond of rock music that 's why she 's called rock chick . In fact , all these chicks are fond of rock music even though music doesn 't have really important part in this series ( except for book 6 ) . If you haven 't read this series , this book better be read in order . ( less ) " Get this into your head Ava , I 'm not gonna do anything to fuck it up between us but I 'm also not gonna let YOU do anything to fuck it up either . " LukeBtw , that quote is basically the definition of this book : DAva constantly tries to get out of it , while Luke does everything he can to stop her : DAnyway , she is great and funny , loved her " Bad Ava " and " Good Ava " Luke is the bestest of them for me < 3 No wonder this is my favorite RC book : ) ) " Jesus Christ , " he muttered to the ceiling . " All those LukeBtw , that quote is basically the definition of this book : DAva constantly tries to get out of it , while Luke does everything he can to stop her : DAnyway , she is great and funny , loved her " Bad Ava " and " Good Ava " Luke is the bestest of them for me < 3 No wonder this is my favorite RC book : ) ) " Jesus Christ , " he muttered to the ceiling . " All those times I sat in the office laughing my ass off at stories of Lee , Eddie , Hank and Vance . They should have fuckin ' medals . " 5 ' I need cookies ' stars ! ! ! OMG I love me some LUKE STARK ! ! ! Okay . . . now thats out of the way , on to the review ! Ava Barlow is a changed woman . After being a little overweight , wearing glasses , and having mousy brown hair most of her life , she has decided to make a change . Five years ago , she saw the man she has always had feelings for , Luke Stark , at a funeral . After some crude comments from her nasty sisters , she vowed she wouldn 't see him until she transformed herself . And thats exactly what OMG I love me some LUKE STARK ! ! ! Okay . . . now thats out of the way , on to the review ! Ava Barlow is a changed woman . After being a little overweight , wearing glasses , and having mousy brown hair most of her life , she has decided to make a change . Five years ago , she saw the man she has always had feelings for , Luke Stark , at a funeral . After some crude comments from her nasty sisters , she vowed she wouldn 't see him until she transformed herself . And thats exactly what she did . With her transformation came a lot of man trouble . A lot . She has terrible luck when it comes to men . So she 's sworn them off . No men for Ava , just her b . o . b . But now , her best friend Sissy is in trouble . Ava wants to help her , but she needs help . Help from Luke and the Hot Bunch . I just love Ava 's reaction when she meets all the Hot Bunch . . . Luke cannot believe his eyes . He doesn 't even recognize Ava at first . . . Ava . The girl he 's known since she was eight and he was twelve . Someone who has always been there for him ( apart from the last five years ) " I 've liked you since you were eight years old . You made me laugh . You understood me . You looked out for me when no once else fuckin ' bothered and you acted like you thought I could move mountains and I needed someone who thought that about me . " But this isn 't exactly the same Ava he remembers , and not just looks wise . Ava 's past has made her a bit bitchy towards men , Luke included . Luke will help Ava , but he wants to do more than help her . He wants her , in his bed , as his woman . " You 've been mine since you were eight . " It isn 't easy for Ava to trust a man . Not after she has been burned so many times . But she trusts Luke . She just doesn 't want to get hurt . She 's worried he has feelings for someone else and she knows if she gives him the final piece of herself , and he destroys it , there will be nothing left . " Luke , you have to know , it won 't be like the other guys . If it 's you , it 'll be worse . " My voice went softer , lower , barely a whisper . " If this goes bad , it 'll destroy me . " When it 's all said and done , will Ava be able to give Luke herself , trust him ? Or will she stay determined to keep her heart safe and be alone . . . Let me just tell you right off the bat . . . there will be a lot of quotes and gushing from here on out . I love these books ! LOVE THEM ! This book , and Vance and Jules book are both my favorite so far , I can 't choose ! I just love everything about them . . . The HUMOR How the HOT BUNCH works . . . " He isn 't my man . " " Girl , it don 't matter you don 't think he is , he thinks he is . Therefore in Badass Motherfucker Land , that means he is . " Ava 's inner dialogue ( good Ava . . . . bad Ava . . . ) " Oh my goodness , Luke 's massaging your arm ! Isn 't that sweet ? Good Ava trilled in my ear . Jump him ! Rip his pants off ! Bad Ava shouted in my other ear . " Overall , Ava was just pretty funny " Fuck buddies don 't have rules . It 's like being in a fight club . The first rule of fuck buddies is … there are no rules . " I was making this up as I went along . I had no idea if fuck buddies had rules . I 'd never had a fuck buddy . I 'd never even wanted one . Hell , I didn 't want one now ! " And so was Luke . . . " You leave me cuffed , I 'll never speak to you again , " I told him . " Babe , " now he sounded amused , " that 's a good thing . You got a mouth on you . " Then of course , theres Tex : D " I ain 't cuffin ' Luke to no bed , " Tex boomed , tearing me away from my intriguing thoughts . " Fuck , I 'm not cuffin ' Lee or Vance to a bed , either . Those boys would lose their badass motherfucker minds . I got a girlfriend and fifteen cats . I get tortured and killed , who 's gonna take care of Nancy and my kitties ? " The SEXY " You 're gonna be in my bed and not like last night . I 'm gonna give you a taste of me and I 'm gonna take more than a taste of you . " " I 'm not lettin ' you go . I 'm not lettin ' you push me away and I 'm not giving up . I 'm gonna keep working until I piece together what they stole from you . I 'm gonna keep at you until you let me in . I 'm not gonna stop until you tell me you 're mine , until it comes straight from your mouth , preferably when I 'm deep inside you and you 're lookin ' at me like you look at me when I 'm close to makin ' you come . " And the SWEET Luke made me SWOON " Get this into your head Ava , I 'm not gonna do anything to fuck this up between us but I 'm also not gonna let you do anything to fuck it up either . " " Life 's too short , I 'm through talkin ' . This is happening , we both know it , we both feel it and you even admitted it . Ava Babe , stop fighting it . " Then there is the action . . . there is always some action in a Rock Chick book . This one has plenty . Between Sissy 's problem 's coming to bite Ava , to her crazy ass ex coming back in the picture , there is never a dull moment ! We catch up will all our favorite Rock Chicks , and members of the Hot Bunch ! Then we get to meet a man named Ren . I loved Ren ! Can 't wait to read more about that guy ; ) I loved the history between Luke and Ava . Luke was sweet , sexy , protective , and I couldn 't wait for him to give those little smirks ! He was patient with Ava . Ava worked my nerves at time , but all of her actions and the way she tried to guard her heart were done for a good reason . I understood her . I ended up liking her a lot . She was tough , and super funny . The ending of this one was fantastic ! There is a wedding , pregnancy , and engagement . . . but you will have to read to find out who does what . Once again , another five star Kristen Ashely book ! This woman 's writing and story telling abilities are just amazing ! I am so happy I still have three more Rock Chick books to go ! If you haven 't read this series , give it a go ! * squeeeee * I LOVED THIS BOOK ! ! ! What a winner ! ! This is tied with books 1 & 4 for fav in the series so far ! It had me laughing out loud , squeeing ( out loud ) , tearing up , grinning for pages on end and fanning myself from the hotness ( seriously , KA sure knows how to write make up sex ! ) . PURE WIN ! ! ! " I 'm not lettin ' you go . I 'm not lettin ' you push me away and I 'm not giving up . I 'm gonna keep working until I piece together what [ they ] stole from you . I 'm gonna keep at you until you let me in . I ' * squeeeee * I LOVED THIS BOOK ! ! ! What a winner ! ! This is tied with books 1 & 4 for fav in the series so far ! It had me laughing out loud , squeeing ( out loud ) , tearing up , grinning for pages on end and fanning myself from the hotness ( seriously , KA sure knows how to write make up sex ! ) . PURE WIN ! ! ! " I 'm not lettin ' you go . I 'm not lettin ' you push me away and I 'm not giving up . I 'm gonna keep working until I piece together what [ they ] stole from you . I 'm gonna keep at you until you let me in . I 'm not gonna stop until you tell me you 're mine , until it comes straight from your mouth , preferably when I 'm deep inside you and you 're lookin ' at me like you look at me when I 'm close to makin ' you come . " I apologize for the long gushy review - I just really loved it and had to share : PAva has known Luke since they were kids . But he went off to become a professional Badass fairly early on , and so they never actually got together . Unfortunately , her experience in life has led her to believe that all men are pretty much scum . But when her best friend 's lying cheating scumbag of a husband finally pulls one stunt too many , she decides to find Luke , now a professional investigator / Badass and enlist his help to get some dirt on said scumbag . He of course is more than happy to help but Ava is nervous and wary about dealing with him due to some of her personal insecurities . But it soon becomes very clear that that was only the tip of the problem iceberg and when things blow up , and he realized she isn 't going to share , he hand cuffs them together and takes them home to figure things out and the " Badass Motherfucker Courtship " begins : D " I 'll put money down that she 's livin ' with him in 4 days . " . . . " 3 days . " . . . " A week , she 's got spirit . " . . . I shook my head , I needed to focus . . . and go , go , go . I opened the door . Before it closed behind me , I heard Luke say strangely , " Tonight . " Then everyone laughed . " I 'll say this first . I . LOVED . LUKE . Seriously . WOW ! What a character < 3 " I 've known you since you were eight . . . I 've liked you since you wer . . . more Re - read Review - August 28 - 29 , 2013 . I 've had trouble picking my " favorite " Hot Bunch hero , but after my re - read of the first 5 books , I can say , without a doubt , that Luke is the one . Of all the men so far , he 's the most similar to the men of the Colorado Mountain series , and I adore them ! Luke is super bad - ass Alpha - yes , with a capital A - and he 's the most crude and outspoken and intensely sexual of them all . And that right there , my friends , is why I 'm in love with him , and why he 's numero Re - read Review - August 28 - 29 , 2013 . I 've had trouble picking my " favorite " Hot Bunch hero , but after my re - read of the first 5 books , I can say , without a doubt , that Luke is the one . Of all the men so far , he 's the most similar to the men of the Colorado Mountain series , and I adore them ! Luke is super bad - ass Alpha - yes , with a capital A - and he 's the most crude and outspoken and intensely sexual of them all . And that right there , my friends , is why I 'm in love with him , and why he 's numero uno , comprende ? I fell hard for Ava , again . Such a sweetie . I just adore her , and she and Luke together are perfect ! Such a great story , start to finish ! Now on to Rock Chick Reckoning , Mace and Stella 's story ! Original Review : Those of you who read my reviews know that I normally go on for paragraphs , close to chapters … except when it comes to Kristen Ashley books . The reason for that is twofold … 1 . There are just soooo many things to love about her awesome books that I can 't seem to do them justice , even if I ramble on for pages . 2 . There are already a bjillion reviews out there , all singing her praises , so I 'm doing you a favor by not making you sit through one of mine . . . not for too long , anyway . That 's why I keep ' em short . So here goes … Ava : ADORE her ! Luke : Abso - fecking - lutely in love with him ! The Story : All kinds of awesome . Lot 's of extra time with other Rock Chicks and Hot Bunch guys . LOVE THAT ! ! Secondary Characters : They don 't feel secondary , ever . I love each and every one of them and unlike some books , they never , ever , EVER feel like filler . So that 's why I love this book , and why you , if you haven 't already , need to climb on the Kristen Ashley train ! Woot ! Woot ! ROCK ON ! 4 . 5 stars - - - - - If you 're a Kristen Ashley addict , or just interested in checking her books , be sure to stop by our Kristen Ashley Addict 's Support Group here on Goodreads ! . . . more My favorite Rock Chick book since the first one . Why ? I have loved Luke for many books now , for one reason . Secondly , I love the Rock Chick world and crazy characters . How can I not love a book that has this quote : Tex shouted , " Jee - zus , huggin ' and cryin ' and badass motherfucker showdowns in livin ' rooms and takin ' a break from the action to have Sunday breakfast with your man 's mother , what the fuck ? We gonna take a side trip to the mall next or do we want to find this fuckin ' guy ? " " Actually , My favorite Rock Chick book since the first one . Why ? I have loved Luke for many books now , for one reason . Secondly , I love the Rock Chick world and crazy characters . How can I not love a book that has this quote : Tex shouted , " Jee - zus , huggin ' and cryin ' and badass motherfucker showdowns in livin ' rooms and takin ' a break from the action to have Sunday breakfast with your man 's mother , what the fuck ? We gonna take a side trip to the mall next or do we want to find this fuckin ' guy ? " " Actually , I could use a side trip to the mall , " Sissy put in . . . " I could go to the mall too , " Daisy added . . . . " We goin ' to find Jeremiah ? " Olivia asked , following us . . . . " Yeah , after the mall , " I told her . See , a group of girlfriends taking time out of their catch - the - bad - guy schedule to go to the mall ? I can totally appreciate that . Priorities , you know . So , in this book , we have Luke , the hottie from the last few books , getting together with Ava , a girl who lived across the street from him from the time she was 8 years old . Ava was a fat kid with glasses and grew up staying fat and feeling like crap about herself . She also had a crush on Luke since childhood and decided , after seeing him as an adult , that she was going to get her crap together , lose weight , and finally take a shot at him . Of course , life came along and she ended up with another guy who totally ruined her faith in men . She 's sworn them off . But , after getting into a jam , she tries to hire Luke to help her . Of course , Mr . Alpha decides that she is his . " Me man . You woman . Me want . Unga Bunga ! " Okay , so maybe that 's not exactly what he says , but it is what he means . Of course , the Rock Chicks and the Hot Bunch ( the guys ) have seen this scenario play out many times and they know exactly how things are going to go down . " So , we had a pool . Everyone threw down money on when they thought Luke would nail you . Mace won five hundred dollars . . . So , did he nail you or did you just sleep ? " " We just slept . " " New pool ! " Shirleen shouted . We arrived and Shirleen was on the phone , handset in the crook of her neck , peering into a hand - held mirror , plucking her eyebrows . She dropped the mirror and tweezers upon seeing us . " Dorothea , gotta go , my girl 's here with her girl . We gotta lock old Sissy down so the Italians don 't get her . Long story , I 'll tell you later . . . " Another later epic moment is when the famous girl who Indy tazed in her book , and Daisy fought and Jet tazed in the last book , shows up . And , there is the best car chase scene ever with more cars involved than the Indy 500 . The only downsides to this book . There were two : First , there are so many people quoting Luke saying " I never expected to want you in my bed , but I always knew I wanted you in my life " like it is the sweetest , most romantic thing ever . I didn 't feel that way at all . He says this after telling her that he always thought she was pretty , even when she was overweight , and that he always liked her personality . And yet , he then says he never expected to want her as anything more than a friend ? Why ? Because she was overweight and not attractive enough for him . He said that she was pretty , funny , and kind . . . . but it wasn 't enough while she was overweight . He never wanted her in a sexual way until the only thing that changed about her was her weight . That 's kind of shitty , really . How 's he going to deal with her pregnant , or what if she can 't lose her pregnancy weight right away ? The best husbands are the kind that remind a girl that she needs to lose a few pounds , right girls ? The other problem I had with it showed itself to me after reading something written by my friend , Karly https : / / www . goodreads . com / story / show / . . . It made me notice how Luke reacted when Ava had been inappropriately touched by her ex . It suddenly became all about him . She was even afraid to tell him what happened because she was worried about his reaction . Then , she had to try and calm him down and reassure him as if HE were the victim . It was weird . I get that any man would be angry in this situation , but he reacted like it was a personal affront that some other man dared to touch his property . Um . . . . no . . . . . just no . Center of the universe ? You mean my Throne Room ? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . E . T . A . . . . . . Oh yeah , wtf is with Ava answering her phone " yo " every time ? What , is she is twelve year old boy trying to sound cool ? What grown - up . . . more Luke said to Ava : " There are two kinds of women . The ones you go to bed with and the ones you wanna wake up with . Lots of the first , not many of the last . If a man 's lucky , he 'll find the last . " Wow , loved it ! This was my very first taste of the Rock Chicks series and a friends - to - lovers story . My GR friends know that I 'm not a reader who feels the urge to read a series in order . And Rock Chick Revenge can be read as a stand - alone . Unfortunately , Kristen Ashley 's Play it Safe didn 't work for me an Luke said to Ava : " There are two kinds of women . The ones you go to bed with and the ones you wanna wake up with . Lots of the first , not many of the last . If a man 's lucky , he 'll find the last . " Wow , loved it ! This was my very first taste of the Rock Chicks series and a friends - to - lovers story . My GR friends know that I 'm not a reader who feels the urge to read a series in order . And Rock Chick Revenge can be read as a stand - alone . Unfortunately , Kristen Ashley 's Play it Safe didn 't work for me and I am really happy that I 'm back in reader 's heaven . Again . Admittedly , some parts of this story were a bit far - fetched and it was a bit OTT at times as well but then again , who cares ? Holy cow , Ava can throw sass ! Yes , Ava babe , you can glare all you want but it is true ! Ava 's got attitude and then some ! She knows how to use her mouth ( uh , pun intended ) . She is funny , sweet , caring , and bitchy as all get out ! Luke . YOWZA ! ! ! Love this guy ! Another badass , hot as sin , fabulous specimen of a man . He 's very , verrry bossy and demanding , yet extremely gentle , tender , and protective . Luke is a nice guy who 's trying to protect and keep Ava safe . He does it in an ultra pushy , unbelievably blunt , tough guy , macho man way . Aw , yes , I already mentioned Ava 's mouth : " You leave me cuffed , I 'll never speak to you again , " I told him . " Babe , " now he sounded amused , " that 's a good thing . You got a mouth on you . " What follows suit is the famous Ava Barlow Silent Treatment and I enjoyed it ! If you 're in a bad mood then you should read Rock Chick Revenge . Jeez , this was loads of fun , fun , fun and I had a good laugh ! This story is filled with so much banter , lots and lots of witty dialogs , great characters , and quite a lot of action and drama . It felt like an action - filled ( love ) comedy . Honestly , don 't take this story too seriously . Even when they had a " serious " situation I just knew we 'd be back on track in no time flat . I loved to see how Luke and Ava locked horns and when the Barlow Bitch Blood started to flash through Ava 's veins … woot ! It . . . more Meet my Luke ! YUM ! Reread on 9 / 11 / 13I still feel exactly the same way I felt the first time I read this book , only I 'm even more in love with Luke now ! ! Ava too , but let 's be honest , none of us care about anything more than Luke here , lol ! ! ! No Seriously ! ! I must say , this has been my favorite book of this series . I 've read all of these once back in January except Ally 's , and there just isn 't a comparison to Lucas Stark . I love when alpha men are blunt , straight to the point , but sorta the lethal Meet my Luke ! YUM ! Reread on 9 / 11 / 13I still feel exactly the same way I felt the first time I read this book , only I 'm even more in love with Luke now ! ! Ava too , but let 's be honest , none of us care about anything more than Luke here , lol ! ! ! No Seriously ! ! I must say , this has been my favorite book of this series . I 've read all of these once back in January except Ally 's , and there just isn 't a comparison to Lucas Stark . I love when alpha men are blunt , straight to the point , but sorta the lethal silent type as well . I have loved all of the Hot Bunch and Rock Chicks , but for me , Luke and Ava will always hold a special place in my heart . : ) Original Review written January 2013Luke Stark has ruined me for all other book boyfriends . After meeting him a few times in the other previous books , I was really looking forward to him getting his own story , WOW , there is no comparison to him . BY FAR , my favorite book of this series so far . I am in LOVE with Luke Stark . Literally , I could go on and on . " Ava Babe , I 'm tellin ' you , you 're gonna admit you belong to me because you belong to me . " " Luke , please , let me go home . " " No fuckin ' way . " Luke and Ava are just perfect . The story begins with Ava coming to Luke to ask for help with her friends crazy soon to be ex - husband . Ava has some insecurity problems not to mention she has decided to hate men from now on . Luke and Ava had grown up across the street from each other as kids until Luke graduated and gone . The last time they had spoken was when his father had died and she promised a beer later , but later never came . NOT because of Luke , because of something Ava overheard . So now it 's new Ava and new hotter Luke and as in all the Rock Chick books , a good dose of trouble . We get more of the Rock Chick crew , more of the newly named HOT BUNCH , ( yum ) plus a side dose this time of car chases , kidnappings , and a hostage situation . Not to mention Ava had a crazy ex who Luke went after that seriously backfired . And let me just say the way Luke and Ava handled that situation was perfection . [ image error ] I will end this with I want more Luke and Ava ! ! I am starting a petition ! ! I need more Luke and Ava . Who 's with me ? ! ? ! ? ! ? ! Update May 11 , 2017I 've just finished reading Rock Chick Revenge for the 7th time . It had been a couple of years since my last read so the story this time wasn 't as fresh . It 's amazing ( for me ) to realize how much my taste in reading material has changed . I still , however , love this story . My favorite parts are still the same . My ABSOLUTE favorite storylines are when two people have a history together . Whether it 's the case of them being childhood friends , older brother / little sisters best friend Update May 11 , 2017I 've just finished reading Rock Chick Revenge for the 7th time . It had been a couple of years since my last read so the story this time wasn 't as fresh . It 's amazing ( for me ) to realize how much my taste in reading material has changed . I still , however , love this story . My favorite parts are still the same . My ABSOLUTE favorite storylines are when two people have a history together . Whether it 's the case of them being childhood friends , older brother / little sisters best friend , or an older boy looking after a girl a couple of years younger than him in high - school then meeting up later in life only to discover a more intense connection , or if the protagonists met years earlier and the timing just wasn 't right . Ava and Luke have that childhood history and chemistry . She looked at him as if he could move mountains , and He stood up of her and always treated her with kindness and respect . That 's what makes this story so special to me . That later on they can . The history and the memories that make the characters more developed and special . Of course , true to any Rock Chick storyline there are kidnappings , taserings , hand - cuffs , and usually a wicked car chase . But for me , when I read this story I fall for the characters . I get engaged in the story , and I 'm highly entertained by the girl 's antics and how the boys react . Obviously it 's far - fetched , but isn 't that the great thing about reading fiction . Anything pretty much goes . October 2 , 20146th re - read * sigh * still makes me happy : ) As I was reading through this time , this is the song that was in my head for Ava . Paramore 's " The Only Exception " https : / / youtu . be / - J7J _ IWUhlsWhen I was younger , I saw my daddy cryAnd curse at the windHe broke his own heart and I watchedAs he tried to reassemble itAnd my momma sworeThat she would never let herself forgetAnd that was the day that I promisedI 'd never sing of love if it does not existBut darling , you are the only exceptionYou are the only exceptionYou are the only exceptionYou are the only exceptionMaybe I know , somewhere deep in my soulThat love never lastsAnd we 've got to find other ways to make it aloneOr keep a straight faceAnd I 've always lived like thisKeeping a comfortable distanceAnd up until now I had sworn to my self that I 'm content with lonelinessBecause none of it was ever worth the riskWell you are the only exceptionYou are the only exceptionYou are the only exceptionYou are the only exceptionI 've got a tight grip on realityBut I can 't let go of what 's in front of me hereI know you 're leaving in the morning when you wake upLeave me with some kind of proof , it 's not a dream , ohYou are the only exceptionYou are the only exceptionYou are the only exceptionYou are the only exceptionYou are the only exceptionYou are the only exceptionYou are the only exceptionYou are the only exceptionAnd I 'm on my way to believingOh , and I 'm on my way to believing . SongwritersWILLIAMS , HAYLEY NICHOLE / FARRO , JOSHUA NEILFirst read : April 20 , 2012This is by far my favorite story in the ' Rock Chick ' series ! I LOVED Ava so , so much ! Her character was like ' Cinderella ' to me , with her evil sisters and uber vain Mother . I liked that no matter how much they degraded and showed her NO RESPECT WHATSOEVER , she remained ' sweet ' and a good person . ( That I think was her BEST revenge against them ) . Ava and Sissy ( not her blood sister , but her ' Sister ' no less ) were awesome ! I like that no matter what , they had each others backs ( true bestest , best friends ) . . . now for thJanuary 18 , 20145th re - read of this book , and it 's still my favorite " Rock Chick " of them all ! It 's KA . Need I say more ? I thought Vance was my favorite of the Hot Bunch alpha males , but then I met Luke Stark . . . " Get this into your head Ava , I 'm not gonna do anything to fuck this up between us but I 'm also not gonna let you do anything to fuck it up either . " Luke , you areAnd Ava may try to fight it , but in the end it always comes down to this : " He isn 't my man . " " Girl , it don 't matter you don 't think he is , he thinks he is . Therefore in Badass Motherfucker Land , that means he is . " That is a ★ Book Basics ★ Genre : - Contemporary Romance Series : - 5th in the series Love triangle ? - ( view spoiler ) [ No , other love " rivals " but no love triangle ( hide spoiler ) ] Cheating ? - ( view spoiler ) [ No ( hide spoiler ) ] HEA ? - ( view spoiler ) [ Yes ( hide spoiler ) ] Would I read more by this author / or in this series ? - Yes Rating - 5 + + + + ★ Review ★ This is by far my favourite of the series ! I adore Luke and Love Ava . My most re read Rock Chick , if not KA book of all ! I love that they had a history . Luke and Rating - 5 + + + + ★ Review ★ This is by far my favourite of the series ! I adore Luke and Love Ava . My most re read Rock Chick , if not KA book of all ! I love that they had a history . Luke and Ava had known each other when they were younger , Luke being 4 years older than Ava . Ava had an awful mother and sisters , who bullied her , and she found her comfort in food , and as such was overweight and unhappy . She idolised Luke though , but he moved away when she was 14 and he was 18 , she sees him occasionally over the next 2 years , and then he disappears for 8 years . Ava only sees him again at his fathers funeral , where she overhears her sisters making terrible comments about her due to her weight , and she vows next time she sees Luke she will have lost the weight . 5 years pass , but by the time she meets Luke again , she has been burned by men , and has sworn off them for good . I love how Luke just fell for Ava , never expecting her to mean anything romantic to him ( not due to her weight , but more due to her age the last time he really spent any time with her ) It would not bother him one bit , if she put back on some of the weight she had lost - as long as she was happy , as to him , she was his " beautiful Ava " And this is my Luke ! Which is probably all I need to say ! Re - read : 14 . 03 . 2017 I have no fucking clue as to why I suddenly started re - reading this book . Sure Ava Barlow ( 29 ) and Lucas Stark ( 33 ) are a cute couple , but this book is so far from my favorite , specially in this series . . . But Luke is hot . Very much so . Lee and Ren , too . Love them . The Rock Chicks though . . . I so do not get along with them . So why do I find myself coming fucking back all the fucking time : O ! ? I do understand that the Hot Bunch is worth is , but the girls ? No so sure . . . His han I have no fucking clue as to why I suddenly started re - reading this book . Sure Ava Barlow ( 29 ) and Lucas Stark ( 33 ) are a cute couple , but this book is so far from my favorite , specially in this series . . . But Luke is hot . Very much so . Lee and Ren , too . Love them . The Rock Chicks though . . . I so do not get along with them . So why do I find myself coming fucking back all the fucking time : O ! ? I do understand that the Hot Bunch is worth is , but the girls ? No so sure . . . So damn mixed up ! Here 's the thing : I love Kristen Ashley 's males . Her writing for them is perfect . Great . Hot . Sexy . Perfect . BUT , ( yes , there is a damn but here , too ) I have problems with her damn female characters . They annoy me to the point of wanting to slam my head into the wall . Sometimes I get them , but most of Kristen 's females are in the late twenties and acts like they are sixteen . I have a huge problem with grown ups not acting their age , or not acting close to their age . " There are two kinds of women . The ones you go to bed with and the ones you wanna wake up with . Lots of the first , not many of the last . If a man 's lucky , he 'll find the last . " It gets too much at times , for me it seems , since everyone else seem to love this series . I like it just fine , the males really makes it worth it , but I don 't love it . This is my third book in Rock Chick series ( yes , I jumped numbers : going from book one , to book six , to book five . . . ) and it comes second on my list for this series so you understand that I didn 't hate it . " I 'm not stupid , I know your heart 's involved in this and I 've never , not once in all the time you 've known me , given you the idea that I won 't handle it with care . " Now that I 've got that out of the way let 's get to other things . The story ? Predictable . A lot happened , but at the same time the book felt slow and it didn 't feel like things happened . As you can tell : I have really mixed feeling about the book . I should , really , just give up this series . . . Quick basic facts : Genre : - ( Adult ) Contemporary RomanceSeries : - Series , Book FiveLove triangle ? - ( view spoiler ) [ No , but there is another love interest . ( hide spoiler ) ] Cheating ? - ( view spoiler ) [ No . ( hide spoiler ) ] HEA ? - ( view spoiler ) [ Yes . ( hide spoiler ) ] Favorite character ? - Ren ZanoWould I read more by this author / or of series ? - Not of the series , I think . I 've given up . Would I recommend this book / series ? - Everyone else seem to love it , yeah ? Will I read this again in the future ? - No . Rating - 2 . 5 / 3 stars . 5 Cookie Stars ! ! Ava didn 't always look like she has now . She was a little chubby , wore glasses and had two bitchy older sisters that made her believe that she was ugly and nobody would ever want her . So , even having a crush for Luke since she was 8 years old , she didn 't think we would ever look at her , so she promised herself that she would never see him again until she was in her perfect form . But in the meanwhile she had bad luck with guys and she also promised that she would never tangle hers 5 Cookie Stars ! ! Ava didn 't always look like she has now . She was a little chubby , wore glasses and had two bitchy older sisters that made her believe that she was ugly and nobody would ever want her . So , even having a crush for Luke since she was 8 years old , she didn 't think we would ever look at her , so she promised herself that she would never see him again until she was in her perfect form . But in the meanwhile she had bad luck with guys and she also promised that she would never tangle herself with a man again . That is , until she see Luke again . Luke didn 't saw Ava for 5 years . She was one of the most important persons in his life but they somehow drifted apart after she reject all his phone - calls after his father 's funeral ( well , she had her reasons ! Read it ! ) . So when he finds her looking for him at his work , looking hot as hell and not even a bit resembling as the old Ava he knew , he knows he have to get her back . And preferentially try to get the old her in the progress . And since she got herself in trouble ( or weren 't the girls in this series ALWAYS in trouble ) he have a lot of time do to that . For some reason this was the story I was most anxious to read . And with good reason , it was definitely my favorite book in the series ( so far ) . It was more emotional , more personal , more angsty and it was more intimate than the others . Although Lee is still my favorite ( I think ! ! ) , Luke gives him a good fight . He was so great ; ) And Ava , even with her insecurities ( that I kind of understood ) I really liked her too . The rest … the Rock Chicks and the Hot Bunch , were awesome as ever ! ; ) For the millionth time I tell you : If you haven 't start reading this yet , you are missing a hell of a series ! : ) . . . more 3 . 5 I need cookies StarsAnother KA buudy read with my girls at Buddies Books & BaublesVacillation that pretty much sums up my experience with this book . One minute I love Luke , the next I think he is a total over the top alpha jerk . One minute I love Ava and the next I 'm shaking my head at her naiveté and methods of coping . But just as soon as either one of those thing happen I flip again any I 'm totally on team Luke or Ava and I want them to get it figured out sooner rather than later . But 3 . 5 I need cookies StarsAnother KA buudy read with my girls at Buddies Books & BaublesVacillation that pretty much sums up my experience with this book . One minute I love Luke , the next I think he is a total over the top alpha jerk . One minute I love Ava and the next I 'm shaking my head at her naiveté and methods of coping . But just as soon as either one of those thing happen I flip again any I 'm totally on team Luke or Ava and I want them to get it figured out sooner rather than later . But the thing I never vacillate on is that Kristen Ashley is a natural story teller . Yes some things are really over the top especially in this series . A few of my favorites even if they are really slightly over the top are : ✔ - A kidnapping , actually I think there were 4 kidnappings in this ✔ - The heroine does something silly that puts her in even more danger . At least she wasn 't TSTL or anything but there is always the one time they should have listened to the alpha male but did their own thing anyway . ✔ - More than one hubba hubba chunk of burning love hot guy is interested in said heroine and it drives the other alpha male crazy . * snickers * ( cuz Luke kinda deserves this after incidents in the precious two books ) * shrugs * ✔ - Heroine Freak out that is hilarious . " Thank God it 's you . Chips Ahoy or Nutter Butter ? " I asked instead of saying hello . Riley laughed in my ear . " Neither , where are you ? " " King Soopers , and I had a shit night . I need processed cookie - type food . " " No shit night is worth processed cookie - type food , " Riley told me . " So we had a pool , " Shirleen carried on . " Everyone threw down money on when they thought Luke would nail you . Mace won five hundred dollars . " Ho - ly crap . " So , " she went on . " Did he nail you nail you or did you two just sleep ? " For some reason , I answered her unbelievably nosy question . " We just slept . " " New pool ! " she shouted . " The second part you gotta get , babe , is that I 'm not lettin ' you go . I 'm not lettin ' you push me away and I 'm not giving up . I 'm gonna keep working until I piece together what your Dad and those assholes tore from you . I 'm gonna keep at you until you let me in . I 'm not gonna stop until you tell me you 're mine , until it comes straight from your mouth , " Luke was more Alpha Male than any of the others we have had to date . He pushed the limits a little far sometimes and even I thought it was a little too much . When Lee handcuffed Indy to the bed it was kinda cute but when Luke did something similar it really didn 't work out the same way and I was so angry at him . Still overall he was a good character and I enjoyed being involved in their love story . It took a while but I loved that they knew each other in childhood and reconnected romantically as adults . There are just a few things that really bothered me . Luke going just a little too macho man . Ava using the silent treatment as a punishment against Luke , it was so childish and even though he decided to think it was cute I was annoyed . I also get the Ava was a bit heavy most of her life so she wasn 't used to male attention but she had four different men interested in her at the same time and she seemed to naïve about the entire situation and did a few things that if Luke had done them I would have been livid . And last but not least , Luke was apparently seeing someone when Ava came back into his life . Apparently it wasn 't serious aka exclusive but he just dropped her like a hot potato without any remorse or anything . So apparently he was kinda a man whore and she was just his latest piece so no big deal . It was just a little too much . I get it he is a super macho man and needs to get laid all the time so of course he 'd have a woman or two at all times just for that . Overall none of these things were deal breakers for me and I really enjoyed how Ava and Luke 's story played out . There were a few really emotional scenes that totally got to me and even reminded me why I loved Lee so much . Another good addition to the Rock Chick gang . P . S . I 'm totally going to take a trip to Denver because I really want to find the Nightingale offices and or Fortnums . Even though I have read this book more than once , I just love it . Love Ava . Really love Luke . Love the Rock Chicks and the Hot Bunch . Can 't get enough of them . Luke and Ava both deserve love and happiness . They were neighbors as kids and Ava always had a crush on Luke . After many years of being off on their own , they come together and Luke decides to quit messing around . Ava fights it ( of course ) but he 's an alpha male so no really doesn 't mean anything to him . I just love these two together . 3 to 3 1 / 2 starsI liked this book more than I thought I would and eventually fell in love with Luke and Ava 's romance . However , the climax chapter right before the ending was flat - out ridiculous , dropping the rating down for me . There is no doubt this series is hit and miss for me . That being said , one thing is for certain , Kristen Ashley is one fabulous storyteller . If you 're already a Kristen Ashley addict , or interested in checking out her books , be sure to stop by our Kristen Ashley Addict 's 3 to 3 1 / 2 starsI liked this book more than I thought I would and eventually fell in love with Luke and Ava 's romance . However , the climax chapter right before the ending was flat - out ridiculous , dropping the rating down for me . There is no doubt this series is hit and miss for me . That being said , one thing is for certain , Kristen Ashley is one fabulous storyteller . If you 're already a Kristen Ashley addict , or interested in checking out her books , be sure to stop by our Kristen Ashley Addict 's Support Group here on Goodreads ! Even though Ava kind of pulled a " Jet scenario " on Luke for a portion of the book and royally pissed me off ( admittedly , it did not last as long as Jet 's " me and Eddie are not together " ) , this was still a 5 star read for me . Luke is a dick ; but , I liked it ! I loved how when Ava finally let her walls come down the relationship progressed beautifully . AND . . . . the very end . . . . . OMGAWD ! That alone was worth 5 stars ! How I love Vance ! Re - read : April 16 , 2013 Recently re - read this and YIKES ! Totally loved it better the second go round - so much that I amped up my rating from a straight 4 stars to 4 . 5 with a lean more towards 5 ( in GR standards ) . Ava was much more easier to understand this go round . And I had TOTALLY forgotten about all of the amazing and awesome shit that happens in this story . Crazy exciting . 4 . 5 stars . The Rock Chick series has proven itself as a bunch of cute and fun stories with hot alpha heroes and sassy heroines but I do feel th Totally loved it better the second go round - so much that I amped up my rating from a straight 4 stars to 4 . 5 with a lean more towards 5 ( in GR standards ) . Ava was much more easier to understand this go round . And I had TOTALLY forgotten about all of the amazing and awesome shit that happens in this story . Crazy exciting . 4 . 5 stars . The Rock Chick series has proven itself as a bunch of cute and fun stories with hot alpha heroes and sassy heroines but I do feel they kind of follow a similar " formula " . Lots of H / h chemistry and fireworks in the beginning ; the h being crazy in love with the H and vice versa ; then she pushes him away ( sigh ) because I don 't know , he 's too amazing ? ; cue misunderstanding or some other random silly behaviour ( sigh ) ; then it gets to about 65 % when the h gives in and we finally get to see some awesome KA character / story development . I did love Luke and Ava in this and as long as I didn 't let the RC formula affect me too much , Revenge was an exciting , fun romp of a story . Luke was a freaking overload of hotness . If ever I wished I could " watch " a KA book like a movie , now was the time . When Luke found out that Ava had turned up at the Nightingale offices and then stormed in with his hotness and his kickass mustache , I quivered ! I could TOTALLY envision the sinfully hot Luke with stormy features , body coiled tight , darkening the entrance to the office and the air being thick with intense sexual energy . * swoon * Then he just became more amazing as the story went on . Ava touched me from the very beginning with the fact that she had been a chubby adolescent , turning into an overweight adult who decides to take control of her life and get fit and healthy ( and amazingly smokin ' hot along the way ) . As RC heroine standards go , Ava had occasional snark in the beginning but other than that she was a pretty kickass , sensible kinda gal . I loved Luke and Ava 's history , I loved that Luke decreed that Ava had been his since they first met as kids . I even loved that in the story she had 4 guys panting after her a . . . more 4 stars - Chick lit / Contemporary Romance / Romantic SuspenseIf I rated this based on the heroine it would get 1 star because Ava topped the annoying b * tchometer until around the 65 % mark and even after that was still ungrateful and somewhat irritating . Without a doubt , yummalicious , handcuff wielding , uber alpha badass Luke Stark made and saved this book . ' Nough said . Peace Out and Rock On ! * * * * * Edited from original rating / review * * * * * I bumped this from a somewhat lackluster 4 stars to a stronger , m 4 stars - Chick lit / Contemporary Romance / Romantic SuspenseIf I rated this based on the heroine it would get 1 star because Ava topped the annoying b * tchometer until around the 65 % mark and even after that was still ungrateful and somewhat irritating . Without a doubt , yummalicious , handcuff wielding , uber alpha badass Luke Stark made and saved this book . ' Nough said . Peace Out and Rock On ! * * * * * Edited from original rating / review * * * * * I bumped this from a somewhat lackluster 4 stars to a stronger , more solid 4 + after finishing Rock Chick Regret , loving the series , and eventually growing to like Ava . Besides , Luke Stark is one of the most badass , studtastic members of the Hot Bunch ! reread on the 05 / 05 / 17 " And remember that time you sold a bag of oregano to Mitch and Josh Burk , telling them it was pot ? " " We needed money . There was a kiss tribute show coming up . They never figured it out , said it was the best weed they 'd ever had . " 2 . 5 / 5 stars edit 21 / 03 / 17 : I originally rated this book 3 . 5 stars but after reading four of the other books in this series I 've had to bring this rating down a star . The main characters in this story did not live up to the standard I think this seri reread on the 05 / 05 / 17 " And remember that time you sold a bag of oregano to Mitch and Josh Burk , telling them it was pot ? " " We needed money . There was a kiss tribute show coming up . They never figured it out , said it was the best weed they 'd ever had . " 2 . 5 / 5 stars edit 21 / 03 / 17 : I originally rated this book 3 . 5 stars but after reading four of the other books in this series I 've had to bring this rating down a star . The main characters in this story did not live up to the standard I think this series has . Ava was frustrating and often petty , thinking only of herself and I think Luke 's ' manly man ' ways often came across as too aggressive . This is now my least favourite Rock Chick novel by a long shot unfortunately . I did enjoy this story although I 'm getting a little frustrated with the main female leads in this series , they 're a little all over the place and can 't seem to set their minds on just one man . It was frustrating to see Ava continually string men along under the guise that she didn 't know what she wanted and ' wasn 't used to the attention ' . If this only happened in one of the stories in this series it wouldn 't bother me but it 's become a running theme , and one I do not enjoy . It takes love triangles to a whole new level when she 's bouncing between four different guys all the while pretending not to notice she sending off mixed signals until she 's decided she doesn 't need them anymore . The romance also didn 't seem as genuine in this book , both Ava and Luke drove me mad at times and I thought they fought ( in a not cute , bantery way ) more than they got on . Been waiting a while to get to Luke 's story and his Rock Chick as I have a little crush on him . His Rock Chick is Ava . They grew up across the street from each other and she has been in love with him since she was 8 . Ava grew up as an ugly duckling with 2 older and , at least in her mind , more beautiful sisters . Ava considers herself fat and wears thick glasses due to bad eyesight . Her sisters ' beauty only runs skin deep , however , as they cruel to Ava and makes her feel bad about herself the whole Been waiting a while to get to Luke 's story and his Rock Chick as I have a little crush on him . His Rock Chick is Ava . They grew up across the street from each other and she has been in love with him since she was 8 . Ava grew up as an ugly duckling with 2 older and , at least in her mind , more beautiful sisters . Ava considers herself fat and wears thick glasses due to bad eyesight . Her sisters ' beauty only runs skin deep , however , as they cruel to Ava and makes her feel bad about herself the whole time she is growing up . Luke has always liked Ava and , when he went home for his father 's funeral , was happy to see her and said he would call and they would hook up . He did call but Ava ignored his calls due to the fact that she 'd overheard her sister 's catty remarks about how fat she looked when she was hugging Luke at the burial . Ava decides this is a life - changing moment and decides to get in shape , lose weight and get contacts which she does successfully and now she 's a swan . She has a few disastrous relationships in the years that follow including one with a guy called Noah who stole her money and her jewellery left to her by her favourite aunt . She 's now sworn off men forever and vowed fidelity to a pair of vibrators . It 's now 8 years later and Ava decides to go to Luke in his capacity as a PI to investigate her best friend Sissy 's philandering husband who has been coming on strong to Ava and Sissy needs the dirt to divorce him . She walks into Nightingale Investigations and Luke doesn 't even recognise her she 's changed so much . He 's actually not happy with the change - she may be a knockout but he thinks she 's become hard and cold and a bit of a bitch over the years and vows to search for the Ava he once knew , believing that she 's in there , buried under the heartache . She chickens out of actually asking him for help and decides to go it alone . Her first foray into sneaky investigations ends in disaster with Luke catching her in Sissy 's house as it explodes in gunfire - a drive - by sen . . . more * * * 4 * * * A buddy read with the KA addicts from BB & BI love this series . Is it perfect - faaaaar from it , if you judge it by the typical literary parameters . It is flawed , the characters are flawed , the interactions between them are flawed , everything is flawed ! ! ! There are so many things wrong with the way the bossy alpha males treat their insecure but still strong and fighting rock - and - roll loving women , that sometimes I ask myself what the heck am I reading and why do I keep on doing it . . * * * 4 * * * A buddy read with the KA addicts from BB & BI love this series . Is it perfect - faaaaar from it , if you judge it by the typical literary parameters . It is flawed , the characters are flawed , the interactions between them are flawed , everything is flawed ! ! ! There are so many things wrong with the way the bossy alpha males treat their insecure but still strong and fighting rock - and - roll loving women , that sometimes I ask myself what the heck am I reading and why do I keep on doing it . . . They are formulaic , over the top , crazy and very unlikely contemporary romances , brimming over the edge with sassy banter and macho grunts , a lot of shootings and many abductions . . . There is coffee drinking , pole dancing , gun toting , hot rod driving , a ton of shopping , and most of all , crazy mating rituals for alpha males and their challenging and wild females , who sometimes overdo the internal monologue . I know it sounds cacophonous , maybe a bit tedious , even somewhat unreadable . . . And maybe , some of you would absolutely hate these series , possibly even the author and her writing . As I have said before , it is not literature , people ! ! ! However , if you have already tasted some of KA 's fair , and if what she serves up pleases your pallet , well then , this is the series for you ! ! ! Because what she has in spades is the incredible ability to craft a narrative in the most entertaining way possible with a simple language and a G - d given talent for storytelling ! ! ! And those of us who like to sit on her table and sample of her offerings as much as we can , we seem to turn a bit unreasonable when it comes to objectivity about her works . We keep coming back for more , and more , and more . . . . This book finally fond a worthy love interest for the hot and mysterious Luke S . from Nightingale Investigations , a . k . a . Hot Bunch Boys , in the person of Ava , a girls who has known him since she was 8 and he 12 , and has been crushing on him ever since . She has all the attributes a new Rock Chick needs to fit in - brains , attitude , a challenging personaliflag One life altering moment has Ava vowing that the next time she sets eyes on childhood friend Luke , he will see a different movement . See Ava although always beautiful , struggled with her weight and after overhearing some vicious comments about her and Luke she vowed that never again would it be embarrassing to be seen together . Now Luke , never cared how Ava looked , he thought she was beautiful inside and out . Eight years later Ava has sought out Luke , who she heard was a private investigator need One life altering moment has Ava vowing that the next time she sets eyes on childhood friend Luke , he will see a different movement . See Ava although always beautiful , struggled with her weight and after overhearing some vicious comments about her and Luke she vowed that never again would it be embarrassing to be seen together . Now Luke , never cared how Ava looked , he thought she was beautiful inside and out . Eight years later Ava has sought out Luke , who she heard was a private investigator needing his help at getting revenge when it comes to her best friends soon to be ex - husband , the cheating rat . It only takes one minute though as she walks through the door of the Nightingale offices to realize she is not ready to see Luke and tries a quick retreat , however Luke wants answers from Ava not to mention her in his bed . Things are only heating up as Ava finds herself being sought after by four different men , including Luke . Not to mention she has been kidnapped and seems to be the center of havoc in all different directions . With the help of the Rock Chicks , Ava is thrown from one situation to the next but the only thing she continuously is running from is her feelings for Luke , but he plans to extract them from her in all sorts of creative manners . I am torn between if Lee or Luke is my favorite , Luke is heart melting and swoon worthy . I loved this story it is a 50 / 50 on which one is my favorite . * * Reread I would say this is a 50 / 50 on which is my favorite . Luke is a man you go gaga over , intense , straight speaking , and head over heels for Ava , she just doesn 't know it . I really liked it . I can 't believe how much I liked this fun , sexy , fluffy bit o ' goodness . All of my issues about this series are still in play here , but were more palatable to me in this 5th installment . Its a good book full of young , goofy language and jam - packed with characters , tons of unfolding action and a little angsty goodness to boot . With the peccadilloes not poking me in the eye so much , I was able to enjoy the heck outta this story . I could pick apart some things that irritated me ab I really liked it . I can 't believe how much I liked this fun , sexy , fluffy bit o ' goodness . All of my issues about this series are still in play here , but were more palatable to me in this 5th installment . Its a good book full of young , goofy language and jam - packed with characters , tons of unfolding action and a little angsty goodness to boot . With the peccadilloes not poking me in the eye so much , I was able to enjoy the heck outta this story . I could pick apart some things that irritated me about the writing , but I knew about this series before going in , so not sure it would be appropriate to do that . It would be like having a wonderful meal and complaining about the spice in the sauce or the veggie chosen or the heat it was at when it got to your table , but I knew going in I was eating at the " Cinnamon Squash " outdoor cafe . Just saying . I also have a million and one things I found here that I love about KA 's writing , but I will just leave it at : It was a delightful read . . . . more 5 THOUSAND MILLION STARS ! ! ! ! ! Me : This book is my favorite ! Hubs : I thought the last Rocker Chick book was your favorite . Me : No ! It 's this one ! LOL ! ! ! They just keep getting better , and I just love all of them ! My Luke : My Ava : I discovered something new about KA that I love ( the list just gets longer and longer ) . Her books make feel like I 'm THE SHIT ! ! ! I just feel so awesome after reading her books , like I could conquer the world , which is perfect right now because I 'm 8 months pregnant , and I defi 5 THOUSAND MILLION STARS ! ! ! ! ! Me : This book is my favorite ! Hubs : I thought the last Rocker Chick book was your favorite . Me : No ! It 's this one ! LOL ! ! ! They just keep getting better , and I just love all of them ! My Luke : My Ava : I discovered something new about KA that I love ( the list just gets longer and longer ) . Her books make feel like I 'm THE SHIT ! ! ! I just feel so awesome after reading her books , like I could conquer the world , which is perfect right now because I 'm 8 months pregnant , and I definitely do not feel awesome sometimes : ) . KA makes my life better . . . . sigh . . . . " First , I 'm not gonna fuck around with this shit . You 've been kidnapped twice in two days and shot at . As of now , that shit is over . My building is secure , your house is not . You 're movin ' in , end of discussion . Second , I want you in my bed . I want you to look at me the way you looked at me after our first kiss but I want you to do it when my cock is buried inside you . Third , you owe me and you 're gonna pay . The first one is happening now . The last two are gonna happen tonight . Do you understan " First , I 'm not gonna fuck around with this shit . You 've been kidnapped twice in two days and shot at . As of now , that shit is over . My building is secure , your house is not . You 're movin ' in , end of discussion . Second , I want you in my bed . I want you to look at me the way you looked at me after our first kiss but I want you to do it when my cock is buried inside you . Third , you owe me and you 're gonna pay . The first one is happening now . The last two are gonna happen tonight . Do you understand me ? " Oh phat ! Fanfuckingtastic ! ! ! Luke Stark , umm , will you like , MARRY ME ? ? ! ! ! ! Rock Chick Revenge is book 5 in the Rock Series by Kristen Ashley and all I can say is that this is my fav book in the series soooo far ! Yessss , I 'll probably say the same for the next book and the next next book as well . But hey , don 't blame me ! Ain 't my fault that the series just keeps getting better and better . I started it by giving 4 stars to the first two books , but now I feel that 5 stars is kinda less ! ! ! Goodreads , you need to upgrade your rating system like pronto . . Comprende ? ? I told this to a friend my mine here on GR , AJ , and I 'm gonna repeat it again . . With each book , the crazy level of this series just keeps climbing the mountain - higher and higher . Each new character brings in her own set of crazies that wreck havoc in Denver . Ava , bought her set of crazies in the form of the Vincetti 's and the Zano 's . Add to that a crazy ex / rat - bastard / thief , crazy car chases , outworldly ' when - is - gonna - be - laid ' bets , handcuffs and cookies , and you have a world class riot ! ! ! Just read this series if you haven 't . . Its a fuckin hoot ! Oweeeee ! ! ! : D " I knew that was the dress for you girlie , " Tod told me . " Your man is over there looking at you like he 's spent the last year at a males - only monastery in the depths of a mountain range , inaccessible by cars and a treacherous , death - defying two week walk from civilization . " That 's it ! Stop the presses ( I 've always wanted to say that ) I have found my favorite Rock Chick book . Of course , this could change by the time I read the next one and I am sure I will declare my love in a similarly dramatic way , but Luke and Ava have my loyalty thus far . Ava Barlow has sworn off men . I mean let 's face it , if there is a lying , cheating , no good man in the vicinity she 'll find him . Even her own father left and he was the one ally she had in her home . There is only one man that ha That 's it ! Stop the presses ( I 've always wanted to say that ) I have found my favorite Rock Chick book . Of course , this could change by the time I read the next one and I am sure I will declare my love in a similarly dramatic way , but Luke and Ava have my loyalty thus far . Ava Barlow has sworn off men . I mean let 's face it , if there is a lying , cheating , no good man in the vicinity she 'll find him . Even her own father left and he was the one ally she had in her home . There is only one man that has ever been perfect in her eyes and she just doesn 't fit with him . She 's even lost 75 pounds and completely reinvented herself to feel worthy of him . However , in her mind this still isn 't enough . Unfortunately , she has to face him and ask for his help . Her best friend is married to a cheating , slimeball and she needs to find proof . Luke Stark was the boy next door to Ava Barlow . He was the one person she could lean on and she was that one person for him . It never got any further than friendship because he left home and left her all alone with her judgmental mother and sisters . Now he is an esteemed member of the Savage hot bunch and can help her when no one else can . He always liked that Ava was different than the rest of the women in her life . She was witty and funny and sweet . He liked her no matter her weight . Now , he just has to convince her that there is no such thing as her being good enough for him . He loves and wants her for who she is . " I 'm not lettin ' you go . I 'm not lettin ' you push me away and I 'm not giving up . I 'm gonna keep working until I piece together what your Dad and those assholes tore from you . I 'm gonna keep at you until you let me in . I 'm not gonna stop until you tell me you 're mine , until it comes straight from your mouth , preferably when I 'm deep inside you and you 're lookin ' at me like you look at me when I 'm close to makin ' you come . " Rock Chick Revenge is the 5th book in the Rock Chick and series and it has it all . Luke Stark is one sexy , alpha male . His patience and undeniable love for Ava is impossible to resist . There were times when Ava got to me a bit , because she refused to believe she was worthy of Luke . I get body issues and I understood her insecurities , but I felt she held on to them a bit too long . About halfway through I totally got over it . She redeemed herself in every way . Read this book ! You won 't be disappointed . You can find this review at http : / / tinar1121 . blogspot . com & http : / / riverinaromantics . blogspot . com Kristen Ashley was born in Gary , Indiana , USA . She nearly killed her mother and herself making it into the world , seeing as she had the umbilical cord wrapped around her neck ( already attempting to accessorise and she hadn 't taken her first breath ! ) . Kristen grew up in Brownsburg , Indiana but has lived in Denver , Colorado and the West Country of England . Thus she has been blessed to have friends a Kristen Ashley was born in Gary , Indiana , USA . She nearly killed her mother and herself making it into the world , seeing as she had the umbilical cord wrapped around her neck ( already attempting to accessorise and she hadn 't taken her first breath ! ) . Kristen grew up in Brownsburg , Indiana but has lived in Denver , Colorado and the West Country of England . Thus she has been blessed to have friends and family around the globe . Her posse is loopy ( to say the least ) but loopy is good when you want to write . Kristen was raised in a house with a large and multi - generational family . They lived on a very small farm in a small town in the heartland and existed amongst the strains of Glenn Miller , The Everly Brothers , REO Speedwagon and Whitesnake ( and the wardrobes that matched ) . Needless to say , growing up in a house full of music , clothes and love was a good way to grow up . And as she keeps growing up , it keeps getting better . " I figured the Nightingale Investigations job application form had the question " Are you hot ? Yes . No . If you answered no , please exit the building . "
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Okay , if you 've been following my updates on Facebook , you probably know that I 've completely let my sweet tooth out of its cage , and I have been indulging it like crazy lately . It did not help that we visited Cybele from Candyblog and her husband on Sunday , and were treated to like the hugest gummi bear ever . I can 't even describe it , but lucky for you , she did with pictures in her review . Read about it here . You 'll want to click through for the picture of the decapitated gummi bear alone . But in my opin , the real gummi winner of the night were these little Haribo pineapple gummis , that I pretty much polished off all by myself . Cybele did you do a review of these , too ? If so could you post the link in the comments ? Anyway , all the gummi goodness was followed up with gummi worms from Vons on Monday . And tonight the hubby bought home more Haribo gummi things from Cost Plus World Market . If you don 't have a Cost Plus World Market near where you live , I feel sorry for you . You know there are starving children in developing nations who will have suffer to efffects of extreme poverty for the rest of their lives . And I feel worse for you . Because these Haribo Tropifruttis are em - effin bomb , though CH preferred the sugar - coated Haribo Fruit Salad - - which I liked as well . Not as much as the Tropifruttis , but still I doubt that either bag will survive the night . Anyway , this is all to say , check out Cybele 's Candyblog . Really , you 'll love the picture ( if you 're a little sick like me ) . Also I will probably weigh 20 more pounds than the last time you saw me if I don 't get back on the wagon soon . Oh , and 3 more days to Fierce And Nerdy . 3 . . . So I have mixed feelings about watching the 3rd season of Bones . On one hand it 's not bad , but on the other it 's not necessarily good . For instance , I played 3 games of Word Twist ( my latest Facebook App Obsession ) and started this blog during the season premiere without missing a beat . Also , I have a terrible track record of falling asleep about 15 minutes into episodes of this program when I don 't have the web to distract me . In other words , it 's no House . But at least it 's improving from season to season . I 'd say that this series started out fairly mediocre , and now it 's a little more than mediocre . So , progress . However , I 'd trade it in for another season of Angel any day of the week . Oh , and if you 're a Torchwood fan , one of the chycks from the original team is in the season premiere which is set in London . BT - dubs , I also tried to watch the new 90210 the other day , and it was pretty bad . Sooooo boring . Like even more boring than the season premiere of Gossip Girl , which I didn 't even think was possible . Also , I just felt sorry for Tristan Wilds ( aka The Adopted Black Kid ) , as I can 't imagine going from meaty Wire scripts to this useless drivel - - not that I have anything against useless drivel ( I mean I do watch America 's Next Top Model ) . But if you 're going to be useless , don 't also be boring , that 's just a waste of time . However , Rob Thomas is the Executive Producer , and I miss Veronica Mars just enough to give him and the series a few more episodes before I give up on them . But it 's definitely on the DVR Bubble . Have I mentioned that I 'm soooo happy that TV 's back ? Seriously , I 'm not sure how I survived the summer . Thank God for Doctor Who . One more thing , not sure if I 've mentioned this , but Fierce And Nerdy is launching on Sunday , September 7th . That 's only 3 days away . 3 . . . So a couple of summers ago , CH and I did the math about how much HBO and Showtime cost ( around $ 240 a year ) vs . how many programs we watched on both channels . ( 4 - - 7 ) and figured that the expense wasn 't worth watching things in real time , and that we could just wait for all our favorite shows to come out on DVD . Practical conclusion , but man was I hurting when that last season of The Wire came around . And for a while there , I couldn 't bear that I was going to miss the new Alan Ball series , True Blood . What you say ? Vampires + The Executive Producer of Six Feet Under ? It was like HBO launched this series to punish me for quitting them . But then I saw the trailer , and it seems like they might have a great idea / poor execution + Kiwi Anna Paquin w / a hard - to - believe Southern accent problem . See what I mean below , and let me know what you think if you have HBO and watch it . On the brighter side , I discovered Skins ( picture to the right ) on BBC America about 3 weeks ago , which is basically a middle - class version of 90210 meets The Wire and so much better and diverse than any high school dramedy that we have on the air that I feel embarrassed for America whenever I watch it . Also , there 's not a ton of soap opera involved and it 's really easy to jump right into to it . So seek it out if you 're looking for something good to replace Gossip Girl , which I watched last night , and have now redubbed Rich And Somehow Incredibly Boring Teenagers . Oh , and while we 're on the subject of things you should seek out , 4 more days until the Fierce And Nerdy launch . 4 . . . Okay , as many of you know , b / c I 've talked about it on this blog and Facebook a couple of times , our cat , Cornelious , though incredibly cute , alsoa ) was slightly feral when we got him , b ) won 't let us pet him and runs away whenever we come anywhere near him , yetc ) insists on following us everywhere in the house , andd ) staring at us like a stalker , which is whye ) we recently acquired two new cats ( we meant to adopt just one , but stuff happened ) - - to offset his general creepiness . Well , lo and behold , over 6 months after bringing him into our home , he suddenly decided to start loving on us out of the total blue . He pushes our laptops out of the way , climbs over our shoulders , launching himself at us at a run - - he 'll basically do whatever it takes to get petted . And has made an almost complete switch to being an aggressively lovey - dovey cat . We 've applied Occum 's Razor , and decided that he 's either been a ) Having deep , philosophical conversations with his new older brother , Brian about the benefits of human companionship ( now that Brian is on the mend , we 're finding out the hard way , that he is also aggressively affectionate - - he obviously went out of his way to hide this trait when he wooed us at the shelter ) . ORb ) Cornelious has been taken over my a body snatcher . I 'm leaning towards " B , " becasue in Stephenie Meyer 's The Host , the body snatching alien parasites start with the bees and observe us for some time , before taking over the humans . So keep your eye on CH and me . If we start be way nicer than we used to be , you know what happened . BTW , 5 more days until the Fierce And Nerdy launch . Can 't wait ! Can 't wait ! 5 . . . This was definitely the worst week of my and CH 's relationship so far . And of course , as with all " worst " things , it was also one of the best . I don 't wish broken bones on any couple , but I do believe that the " in sickness " part reveals a lot about your relationship . It 's easy to love someone when things are going well , but in many ways , it 's even easier to love someone when they 're down . When you 're tired and addled with guilty pinch of annoyed and put - out , what I can only describe as this weird back - up generator of Love kicks in and does the work for you . So in a truly loving relationship , it 's okay if you lose all of your poetry for a little bit , that generator has your back . At least that 's how it went with us . I feel a little silly , now that I 'm wrapping this series up , because of course it is in CH 's words every time someone tries to fuss over him , " just a broken shoulder and hand bone . " And maybe that is all it is for him . He 'll probably look back at this time negatively - after all , he 's the one who had to go completely against his nature and depend on someone else for almost a complete week . He might remember that his wife , who never yells , got quite stern and / or passive aggressive with him on several occasions when he tried to do something he shouldn 't by himself , gave her directions that she didn 't need , asked her to do something without saying please . The interesting thing about relationships is that there are these constant discoveries . Over the last few months CH has found out that I used to have a Saturday radio show in college ; that I 'm not the fastest runner , but I 'm definitely faster than probably 80 % of my female friends ; and that I am a stickler for " please " - - really it just drives me crazy when people don 't say please . And I 've found out that CH is even more stoic , patient , agreeable and DIY than I was giving him credit for - - and you have to understand he already had a high - credit limit with me for those things before the accident . Now , I 've got to upgrade him to a Black Amex card . Anyway thisPosted by On Friday , Manny was kind of enough to drive CH to an appointment with the hand specialist that he had been referred to while I attended a recording session at work . I met him at the doctor 's office , which just so happened to be in the same building as another specialist that I 'm seeing right now ( more on that maybe later ) , and one of the nurses led me to an examination room where the doctor was putting a neat little half cast on CH . As it turned out , CH 's hand was broken - - not his finger . The ER doc hadn 't told us that , but I 'm assuming that why he had put CH in the cast , and no , CH probably shouldn 't have been using only a finger brace for three days now . But the new , slicker , lighter , MPIH cast was much better and allowed CH to move his fingers and perhaps more importantly " wipe my butt . " Like I said , CH was a great patient , but he had his limits . Plus as soon as he got cleared from the shoulder doctor , he could start driving , " Just to work and back , " he assured me . The shoulder doctor wasn 't quite as lovely as the other MPIH cast - - I mean crew . It took forever for them to usher us in to an examination room , then forever for the doctor to actually see us , only to find out that he wanted CH to get a cat scan at St . Joseph 's . So we went to St . Joseph 's and that took awhile , and by the time we were done , we were both hungry and cranky . However , in the X - Ray / cat scan waiting room , there was an older woman reading a book . I wondered who she was waiting for , but about 15 minutes later they wheeled a woman on a hospital cot . She laid on her side , obviously weak or in pain , and the woman immediately went over to her cot , took her hand , and started bantering with her . Within 5 minutes , the sick woman had perked up and even laughed weakly at a few things the other woman said . Oh , it must be her mom , I thought to myself . But after several minutes of eavesdropping on their conversation ( I 'm a writer , it wouldn 't even occur to me not to eavesdrop , sue me ) , I realized that this wasn 't her mother or even relative . She was a frPosted by I spent Thursday , catching up at work . I was tired , starting to feel rundown . I switched back to caffeinated coffee in the morning . And that was only helping a little bit . I think life is a series of discoveries about your own character . Some things you fight against ( I 'm constantly on a vigilante quest against laziness , pride , fear , low self - esteem , and a host of other traits that I 'd rather not harbor ) , and some things you learn to accept over time . I 'm never going to be a tidy person who thinks before she speaks and watches PBS documentaries before going to bed at the same reasonable time every night . And though I wouldn 't describe myself as selfish ( most days ) , I am not a natural caretaker at all . I found it difficult to arrange my time around someone else 's schedules and needs . I found myself trying to fit everything in and therefore getting nothing done particularly well . Also , my famously short attention span did not lend itself well to care taking . I kept forgetting to buckle CH in and let him out . And I was becoming increasingly addled . For instance I said , " Thank you " when I meant to say " Love you " several times to CH . I don 't know why . But we didn 't have any doctor 's appointments or must - dos on Thursday , so I took a nap . And I immediately felt better . Naps are good . And highly recommended . Posted by Oh , I did I mention that Brian is also sick ? CH took him to the hospital the Saturday before the accident , and he was diagnosed with some respiratory illness and tongue ulcers . He was on a steady diet of meds , but by Tuesday night , he was still refusing to eat and had started wheezing through his mouth on top of everything else , even after we cleaned out his gunked - up nose . Plus , he smelled horrible , because he was unable to clean himself . Poor Brian . So Wednesday morning , I got up early and took him to the Gateway Animal Clinic , which though first come , first serve , was still way faster and efficient than any human medical center I have ever visited . I actually found myself thinking , " Lucky dog . " The vet , who I had never met before ( CH usu . handles the vet visits ) was really lovely . He petted Brian , even though he smelled horribly , all through the consultation . And I felt reassured after he took Brian away to get rehydrated and told me to pick him up at 5pm . When I came back out to the lobby , there was a family , waiting there : A mom , a dad and two small daughters . The mom 's eyes were red from crying , and the youngest daughter was being comforted by her father . The oldest daughter ( she was about 7 ) though spent a few minutes trying to peek into my cat carrier , until finally she asked , " What 's in there . " " It used to be my cat , " I answered , " But he 's inside get fixed up . He 's sick . " She nodded and sat back in her seat . A few minutes later , the mom asked her if she wanted to go back and say goodbye to their cat before they put her to sleep . " It 's your cat , " the daughter answered . The mom nodded and didn 't say anything else . I know kids are what they are , and most of the things they say cannot be held against them . But I wish that little girl had been nicer . My actual Alec Baldwinesque , sleep - deprived thought was , " You 're a little shit , and I can already see that you lack compassion , that you 're going to become one of those horrible adults that lack compassion . " I was tired . I hope that isn 't true . I hope she grows up intPosted by So the good news is that Monday 's blog was by far the longest installment . The bad news was that it was just one of 6 . Here 's goes Tuesday : There are some people who suffer nobly , gritting their teeth against pain , silently suffering through the inconvenience of it all . But as many of you know , I 'm not like that . Not only do I tend towards noisy , hyperbolic language the one time of the year that I come down with a 4 day flu or lately , a sinus infection , but I also like to put it out there ( I think reasonably ) that I might be dying . I sprained my ankle once back when I was still playing with the Derby Doll . I still refer to the two weeks that I was on crutches as The Dark Times . And though , I 've never actually broken anything on my upper body , I know that not being able to write with both of my hands would probably send me into an incredibly whiny cycle of complete and utter despair . So in many ways I don 't feel I deserve a husband who is the complete opposite of me when it comes to whining . The first day he was in a lot of pain , but he insisted that I drive him to work , because " he could still point . " What annoyed him most was not being able to do anything for himself . And when I came back later to drive him to his doctor 's appointment , the JKL paramedic had taken off the bulky arm cast and replaced it with a much more efficient finger brace and wrap . A paramedic is not a doctor , and I would 've been annoyed , but it was CH . Really , it just goes against his nature to stay that incapacitated if he felt he didn 't have , too . And at least he was a little sheepish as he got into the car . Tuesday was also the day that I found out that people who are on the Motion Picture Health Plan are luckier than the rest of us . I 've heard that most government workers get crazy - nice insurance that covers everything , and this isn 't quite that . But the MPHP offices in Toluca Lake seemed nicer and more efficient than any medical office that I had ever visited . There are black and white pictures of old Hollywood stars lining the walls , and peopPosted by I have almost never been one to lay my political feelings out on this blog . I privately believe myself to be an optimist , but in writing , I am most often cynical and sarcastic . But I need to say this : There has never been anything I thought I couldn 't do because I am a woman . The most successful , dynamic , and beautiful people I know are women . And I will tell you on any day and on any occasion that I am a feminist , not because I wish to be equal to men , but because I love women , and want us all to know that we are worthy of , that we are capable of , that we have to ability to achieve EVERYTHING . If anything , I expect more of myself because I am a woman . But I need to tell you this , guys . I need to tell you this : There have been so many things that I have thought that I could not do , because I am black . And that stopped tonight . I never thought that I would see this moment . I never thought that I could believe in a country the way I believe in America tonight . I feel like a child again , and I realize that I still have my whole life ahead of me , that my future children still have their whole lives in front of them . You do , too . And we can do anything . All of us . We can do anything . And we can do it together . I will always remember how I felt right now . And no matter what happens , I will try to hold on to it . I am so sad that my mother couldn 't have been here to see this . " Not in our lifetime , " she answered with a practical shrug when I asked her if there would ever be a black president . She would have loved this . She almost never cried , but I believe she would have done so tonight . This is so important to everyone that ever thought that there was something about themselves that would hold them back forever . It can 't and hopefully it won 't . It is 8 : 36 and I have finally stopped crying . Now , I 'm just smiling . Obama ' 08 . 100 % Love , etc No one actually had to walk a plank or anything , so this article about modern - day pirates robbing a party yacht full of rich people is kind of hilarious . They made off with over $ 180 , 000 in booty - - I mean cash . Read the full New York Post story here . I don 't actually read the post , but the folks over at Gawker . com do , and they referred me . Just stating that for the record . . . Arghhh ! etc Why oh why haven 't these bands released album on I - Tunes . I don 't believe in downloading things illegally , but man , part of the problem with getting music suggestions from Perez Hilton , is that half the stuff isn 't available in the States . Here are songs that I love , which haven 't actually gotten a Stateside release yet . Ranh . Adam Tensta - " My Cool " : Who knew Swedish hip - hop was so much fun ? My Cool - Adam TenstaDragonette - I don 't understand why can I find deep cuts from Nickelback on I - Tunes - - but only one soundtrack song from this ( actually good ) Canadian band . Anyway , download " I Get Around " if you haven 't already , and check out their super - cheeky song , " Competition " below : Competition - DragonetteAlso , Madison ! How much do I love this California blonde take on Lil Wayne 's " Lollipop ? " It 's so bad girl . lollipop . mp3 - MadisonAnd perhaps , most egregious . " We 've Got Some Breaking Up To Do " by the Danish group , Private . This song is perfectly 80 's and unfortunately , perfectly unavailable in The States . Check out the awesome video below : Still trying to decide how I feel about this Terrence Howard song . On one hand T - Ho can 't really , you know . . . sing . On the other hand , I like the pretty video , production and lyrics . I aslo like that he 's at least coming with something different , which you don 't often see from actors - turned - musicians . So cool points for bravery . But then cool points subtracted for actually pretending to conduct the orchestra towards the end - - that was annoying . Anyway , I 'm all torn . Feel free to weigh in with your opinions . Here 's the vid : T Howardby ch1c Just in case you 've been dragging your feet about downloading the much hyped about ( by me ) band , The Black Kids . Get thee over to I - Tunes now , because my favorite track is their Free Single of the Week . Can 't beat that price with a stick . Lucky you guys ! Okay , as many of you know , I 'm kind of resigned to being a fan of America 's Next Top Model . Yes , it goes against almost every notion of womanhood and feminism that I believe in . Yes , it panders to the lowest common denominator , and yes , Tyra , is bat - shit ridiculous ( in a really - smart - laughing - all - the - way - to - the - bank sort of way ) . But what can I say . . . Two or three girlsHas heThat he likes as well as meBut I love himI dont know why I shouldHe isnt trueHe beats me , tooWhat can I do ? - - Billie Holliday , " My Man " Anyway , this all to say , that the obvious ratings bait that is the tranny contestant will probably sucker me in for yet another season . See her intro below . She 's cute , but girlfriend needs to work on her ennunciation . I spent much of the 50 seconds , trying to figure out if she had a ) braces , b ) marbles in her mouth or c ) that 's just the way she talks . Haven 't forgotten about you , I promise . In fact I have a launch date for Fierce and Nerdy , which I 've been working extra hard on for the past few days . Mark your calendars for September 7th , and think about how cool it will be when I 'm turning around blog posts every weekday and in a timely manner . Plus contributors ! So many cool people are on board for this . I really can 't wait for you guys to see the new site . In fact , I 'm going to try to find one of those ticker widgets , so that I can be just super - obnoxious about counting down to September 7th - - you know how I do . That all said . A new ( probably music ) blog post is coming Wednesday . 2 - 6 of the immensely popular CH breaking his arm saga will be here by the end of the week - - so stop asking me ! : ) Until then , here 's your moment of FaN ( aka Fierce and Nerdy ) : So apparently , I was wrong , b / c according to the several email messages , comments , and Facebook Pings that I got following Wednesday 's blog , most of you don 't " already know all about " CH 's bone - breaking accident . So here 's a condensed ( as I 'm capable of writing given my love for the sound of my own typing ) version of what happened . . . in six parts . Starting with Monday : After hitting all my work - related writing goals for the day , I dutifully updated my Facebook status to let everyone know that " Ernessa is getting rehydrated for the bike ride home . " Said hydration , led to a quick restroom pit stop before I left for the day , which was fortunate , because when I returned to my office to pick up my pink helmet , the red " message " button was lit up on my phone . I thought about not answering . Having already talked to my boss several times that day , I couldn 't really imagine an emergency that would actually keep me in the office a minute longer , when I had a new audible . com novel waiting for me on my I - Pod - - don 't ask me what it was , I 'm too embarrassed to tell you . But as many of you know , I have an almost O . C . - level thing about checking messages , so I pressed the message button . It was CH , saying that he had just missed being hit by a car , braked hard on his bike , and tipped , because he couldn 't get his clip - on bike shoes out of the pedals in time to prevent a fall . He thought that he might have broken his arm . He sounded chagrinned . I called him back in a panic , which immediately stopped when he said that he needed to be taken to the emergency room , but none of the nearby friends he had called were answering their phones . I 'm not the best decision maker in the world or even a person that most people would call in a crisis , but one of the side effects of being a ( hopefully ) good writer , is the ability to disconnect from your emotions and decide What Needs To Happen Next . I was an hour 's bike ride away . Everyone I knew who could give me a ride home had already left for the day - - also it would take to long to get there if Posted by Okay guys , you have GOT to remind me never to skip another weekly music blog . Now I 've got so much to tell you about , that I 'm having a bit of trouble arranging my thoughts . But here goes . . . First of all , embarrassing things that I have downloaded in the past two weeks : 1 . " OVERDOSIN " - - Heidi Montag - - and no , it wasn 't for work . Every so once awhile I just like something that I absolutely shouldn 't for reasons I don 't quite understand . Please forgive . 2 . " SO WHAT " - Pink . Now this is kind of interesting , b / c I had thought that I was kind of over Pink , as I 'm not in my 20 's anymore . But then she hit me in both my musical Achilles heels : fucked - up love song mixed with swagger track . Now she 's 99 cents richer ( less I - Tunes and record company fees ) because of me . 3 . " FINE LINE " - Little Big Town . Confession : I ADORE Little Big Town . They are a country band I just consistently enjoy . I would probably even go to one of their concerts if given the opportunity . And this is another delightful track . See the typical country video here . Top 10 Things I 've Downloaded Since The Last Time That I Told You About The Top 5 Things That I Recently Downloaded : ALBUMS : 1 . Lykke Li - Youth Novels : Now I know that I 've been gushing about Lykke Li for like a couple of months now . You 're probably sick of hearing about how awesome , bittersweet , twee , and Swedish she is . In fact , even I expected to be disappointed when her album finally got released Stateside . But guys , I 'm so not . If possible , I love her even more - - to the moon and back . This album captures every impossible emotion during my teenage years . And there 's even a Black Kids remix of " I 'm Good , I 'm Gone . " I nearly fainted . Seriously , download this yesterday . It 's FANTASTIC . Key tracks if you must be like that and not get the entire album : " I 'm Good , I 'm Gone , " " Dance , Dance , Dance , " " Breaking It Up , " and " Everybody But Me . " 2 . Ra Ra Riot - The Rhumb Line : I almost never buy a complete album from somebody I 've never heard of , but I like so many of the samples , when I was trying to decidPosted by Seriously feel free to gift me with one of these . Public Radio Listener For Life ! ! ! - - unless they 're having a pledge drive , in which case I change the channel like every other person on the planet . Dude , I would actually pay more than my usual KPCC yearly donation , just to have the option of NOT having to listen to otherwise awesome radio personalities beg me for money every 3 months . It 's kind of like when you 're really good friend , starts taking those cult - like " self - improvement classes , " and then she invites you along . Still the same friend , but dude , you don 't want to join her cult and it makes you uncomfortable that she keeps on asking to come with her to a class , because she gets a free class if she brings someone along . Wouldn 't it be cool , if you could say , " Listen , I 'll give you $ 200 dollar towards your next ' self - improvement class ' if you never bring it up or invite me to go to one again . " And in the same vein , imagine how much money your local public radio station ( s ) would make if they were somehow able to offer the option of paying them like 200 bucks in exchange for you NEVER having to hear a pledge drive for like a whole year . That 's more than I currently give , but I 'd take that offer , if that was the pay - off . This is all to say , that I 'm officially flaking out on blogging about CH 's broken left shoulder and right finger for a couple of reasons : a ) I don 't really have time to tell such an epic story . It 's at least 2 - - maybe 3 chapters in the memoir I 'm planning to write when I 'm 80 . And . . . b ) If you 've talked to me since Monday , you already know all about it , and I don 't want to repeat myself ( for once ) . Will try to put out a music blog tomorrow . The new ( to us ) Lykke Li is so beyond frickin ' good , you deserve to hear me go on ( and on ) about it . 100 % Love , etc I mean , I 've been listening to a TON of Lil Wayne , while working on the new girl gang novel . And according to Stereohyped ( by way of Hip - Hop DX ) , Lil Wayne is the Wheaties of Champions : Michael Phelps listens to Lil Wayne before he competes , with a little Young Jeezy and Jay - Z thrown in . Jamaican track star Dwight Thomas has added Lil Wayne to his pre - race rotation after finding out Phelps secret . Hoo - yah ! Watch out New York Times Best Seller Trade Fiction List ! I make it rain - - if by " rain " you mean " cringing while I slip a couple of dollars under a male stripper 's greasy thong , and then saying ' please go focus on someone else now . I 'm really not into this ' . " - - which I 'm sure is exactly what Lil Wayne intended with that line . Umbrella , baby ! Now ya 'll know how I feel about Sesame Street , so how tickled was I to find this backstage romance in this week 's NYT Vows column . Especially since it reads like a soap opera : THE letter " D " is for Divorce . " P " is for Pining Away , and " R " is for Remarriage . Don 't look for those alphabet mnemonics anytime soon on " Sesame Street , " although they are story elements in the backstage romance between Annie Evans and Martin P . Robinson . . . Mr . Robinson , 54 , is a puppeteer who plays Snuffy , Telly and Slimey the Worm on " Sesame Street , " where he 's worked since 1981 . When he met Ms . Evans , though , Mr . Robinson was mired in creating his own puppet extravaganza , which depicted , he said , " the entire creation of the universe , protons up to sentient beings , and its destruction . " Days before its premiere at the O ' Neill , the project was a shambles . " Puppeteers are notorious for getting lost in making their puppets , sets and costumes , but forgetting to write a strong story , " Ms . Evans said . " Marty , who I 'd just met , clearly needed my help , big time . " Over countless hours of argument and revisions , a mutual admiration blossomed . Mr . Robinson remembered being struck by her intelligence and ability to quickly unearth the core emotional truth of a scene . " Annie jumped right in , without any judgment , " he said . " I thought , ' This is really an excellent girl . ' " Mr . Robinson conceded that he had been prone to mixing business with pleasure . When he met Ms . Evans , in fact , he was involved with a woman he had begun seeing during a stage production of " Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles . " " Encountering someone cold , maybe at a bar , then dating ? I wouldn 't know how to do that , " he said . " But in the pressure cooker of theatrical work - all the tension , laughter and intense emotions - you get to know someone really well , and can segue that into a relationship . " Though she , too , was smitten by his energy and sense of humor , Ms . Evans said , when she learned that Mr . Robinson was seeing another wPosted by Sooo . . . I 'm going to dinner and what looks like an extremely scary movie ( Mirrors ) with my friend Stephanie tonight . Looking forward to dinner , but kind of fearing the movie , as I haven 't seen a horror film in quite awhile . What are you up to ? So apparently , my friend Kyle from Frank 's Wild Lunch spotted me yesterday morning on my bike . Or as he put it , " in your pink helmet . " I love when stuff like that happens ! So I 'm seriously trying to figure out how I lived so long without The Google Reader . I finally joined up last week , and not only is it a lovely way to keep all the blogs I read and love organized all in one place , but it also allows me to procrastinate much more efficiently and ( perhaps more important ) lazily . Nice , right ? If you 're as behind the curve as me , get on board here . So , the New York Times has this interesting article about when children should be left at home alone . Interesting , because , my parents started leaving me at home alone when I was eight years old , and growing up , I always found the whole babysitter thing a little hard to fathom for kids over the age of 9 . And one would think in this age of cell phones that it would be even easier to step out for an hour or two without worry . However , when I posed the question of when our hypothetical future children should be left at home alone to CH , he answered , " 12 or 13 at least , depending on how responsible they are . " Then as a narrow - eyed afterthought , " Why ? When do you think you they should be left at home alone ? " I decided not to press my eight - years - old theory , since apparently it doesn 't really fly outside wild and wooly 80 's . But read about all the parents struggling with this decision themselves here . Okay . . . We meant to get one cat , but we ended up getting two . Here 's what happened . We went to get a nice older lap cat , who could also be a companion for our ( literally ) scaredy - cat , Cornelious . But then as we were walking past a cage with two kittens , one of them pressed himself up so strenously against the bars , that he seemed to be saying , " Hulloo ! Come over and talk to me ! " We both immediately agreed that he was a cutie pie , and might need to come home with us , but the problem was that he was only 3 and half months old - - which is not exactly an old lap cat . Then Brian , who was next door to the kitten , started meowing at us . And he was 2 years old . Not an old lap cat , but close enough . We asked to see both cats in the cat room , and it turned out that the kitten was extremely affectionate , while Brian was more of a explorer . Also , the kitten , reminded us of our friend Steve Connell , because he was so wildly friendly from go . Furthermore , the Pasadena Humane Society was having an adopt 2 cats special for $ 85 , so how could we not agree to take both of the cats that absolutely did not fit our description of the cat we originally wanted home with us - - and name the kitten Steve ? Anyway , this is all to say , that if you 're looking for a cat , but are not sure whether you want one , don 't got to the Pasadena Humane Society . Not only is it the nicest shelter that either of us have ever seen , with the most helpful volunteer staff , but the cats are too cute . And if you 're anything like us , you will end up taking a 2yo cat home with you , and then coming back three days later to pick up the kitten after he has been altered . Just warning ya . . . Along the same vein , skip " Tropic Thunder " if you don 't want to laugh . CH and I went to see it last night , and we saw the black guy from " The Office " and Pineapple Express ( which we had actually seen the night before ! ) in the audience . Good sign , right ? Well , I don 't want to ruin anything for you , so I won 't go into all the ways it was funny , but I will say this . Black people : Robert DowneyPosted by So in the midst of watching the Olympics 24 / 7 , I have managed to collect a few random items to discuss on this blog . Apparently , that cute - as - a - button little girl that sang at the Olympic Opening Ceremony was a front for a not - so - cute little girl doing the real singing behind the curtain . Having played the informal and ultimately unsuccessful game of " Find An Ugly Chinese Child And Take A Picture Of Him Or Her " with my programmates while in China , I am extremely curious to see what the Chinese consider too ugly to sing in front of cameras , because as far as I know this child doesn 't exist . Thanks to MKV for sending me the article about this . Read it here . Not one , not two , but THREE famous people sightings yesterday . While riding home , I rode past Perez Hilton and his personal trainer ( BTW , Perez looks GREAT ! ! ! Apparently , he 's really been working out ) . Now , I 'm not one to call out to celebrities - - it 's just not done in L . A . , but I was on my pink - and - black electric bicycle in my pink helmet and dressed in brown yoga capri pants with a printed yellow top - - in other words , I looked crazy , and probably sounded crazy when I called out , " Love your column ! " - - although he has a blog . Later in the evening , CH and I went to the ArcLight for Every Other Tuesday Date Night ( aka Need to Get Out of the House While Housekeeper Is There , So We Might As Well See a Movie and Have Dinner Night ) , and during the dinner part of our evening , we saw Felicity Huffman and her husband , William H . Macy , who was sporting a pretty sweet stache . Not to make stalkery observations , but they talked non - stop during dinner . And I thought it was pretty sweet that they still have so much to say to each other . Just finished listening to The Host , the first adult novel by Stephenie Meyers , which had me in full out book thrall . I was particularly impressed , b / c her first book , Twilight , though completely compelling was not very well - written . However , she must 've put in boatloads of work on her craft , because The Host kept me on the edge of my bicycle tPosted by Okay , as it turns out , I won 't be able to blog about my Beijing memories b / c I 'm too busy watching the actual Beijing Olympics . Blogs might be a little light this week . But just wanted to post a picture of the newest furry member of our little family , Brian . And just in case you 're wondering , yes , Brian is named after our friend and wedding officiant , Brian Viehland , because we did not like his original name ( Buddy ) and needed to decide on a new name before he got microchipped ( basically kitty lojacked ) . " How about Brian . He kind of reminds me of Brian , " CH said . Me too , though I still can 't quite put my finger on why . Anyway , he 's a complete cutie - pie and though Gibson is still missed and irreplaceable , it 's nice to have a cat that 's willing to be petted again . As many of you know , our other cat , Cornelious basically stalks us around the house but runs away if we try to touch him . We love him , but he 's kind of creepy . Brian balances things out . Further details coming later in the week . Til then , here 's your moment of Brian : So this week , I 'm going to begin every blog with a Beijing side - note in honor of the Olympics , which I 'm basically watching non - stop except for a short Venture Brothers break last night - - you gotta make time for the Venture Bros . Go Team Venture ! Anyway . . . As many of you know , CH held the Olympic opening ceremony hostage from me , b / c he was working til late on a Friday - Saturday gig , and refused to give the Opening Ceremony anything less than his full and completely intense attention - - he was on the Salt Lake City and Athens lighting team , so he takes these things much more seriously than say , anybody else I know . Unfortunately , this meant that I , the ( self - anointed ) queen of pop culture , was forced to say no , time after time , as people asked me if I had seen the apparently spec - frickin - tacular opening ceremonies . In all fairness to CH , he did tell me that I could watch it alone , but as all people who are partnered up with a lighting designer can tell you , that 's not the same . So , I had to wait til Sunday , to see the opening ceremonies . But man oh man , was it worth the wait . I 've never seen anything like it , and though I 've never really desired to go back to Beijing , I have never wished more that I could witness an event in person . It was also good that I waited for CH , b / c I kept asking how all the super - clever light effects worked , and apparently it was all stuff he had seen before , only on a much , much , much bigger scale and done with a ton more human labor . I found the whole spectacle very inspiring and the next time I have a few million to spare , I 'm going to do up our entire house in LED screens . Wait for it . . . On another CH note , he requested that I update last week 's music blog re : European lighting . Basically , I posted the new ( ish ) Yelle vid and said it was a great example of how CH says that Europeans do lighting differently , and he says that 's not what he meant . Here 's the update that I attached to the original blog out of context : UPDATE : Have been informed by CH that this is not what he meant when he wasErnessa T . Carter So favorite elfin artist and future Fierce and Nerdy contributor , Missy Kulik , has a blog . Who knew ! Check it out like yesterday . She and her BF , Raoul are jedi masters of all things beyond cute and particularly fierce and nerdy . Click here for the link or go to my blog roll : PHOTO CREDIT : InyaI don 't know how the NYT does it , but almost every single week , they manage to find some character that I 'd slap if I met them in real life - - and I 'm a pacifist . A couple of weeks ago , it was the Botox Bridezilla , and this week it 's the Ice Snob . This is a person , who likes her or his ice a certain way and feels that it 's perfectly acceptable to BYOI to a party . I have never had anyone bring their own ice to a party , unless I called them in a rushed fever of festivity set up and asked that they do so . But if someone did show up with a container of ice , chipped or shaped just so , purely because they couldn 't deal with regular ice , I would be like , " Bitch , you is crazy , and we are no longer friends . Get out my house . " Even if they were a lifelong friend , I would say it just like that . Anyway , get the full report on Ice Snobs here . Though in a bit of a rant reversal , I must say that these Russian - designed tetris - shaped ice trays are beyond brilliant and would make a perfect housewarming present for your favorite Fierce Nerd , if they ever get around to actually marketing them . Oh Russia . Just woke up and found out that Bernie Mac died . I adored Bernie Mac . He was consistently funny . His signature angry bug - eyes managed to be comic without being minstrel . And , man oh man , how funny was it when he back - handed EVERYBODY as a Vice Presidential candidate in Head of State ? Everybody 's been talking about this supposed Dark Knight curse , so does that mean Transformers is cursed , too , since Shia LeBouf like just rolled that car ? If Josh Duhamel and Fergie call off their wedding , you heard the " More Than Meets The Eye Curse " theory here first . If Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green break up , though , that 's not the curse , just the universe correcting itself . Frankly , I 'm shocked that they 've lasted this long . Anyway , this is all to say Rest in Peace , Bernie Mac . You started off with nothing , and you did the damn thing . Did it well . UPDATE : So far I like the Gawker . com obit the best - - even though it doesn 't specifically mention him backhanding everybody in Head of State . Read it here . That 's right , I got a dress that you probably haven 't seen before . Handmade by this lovely woman who has a stand at the Silverlake Farmer 's market every Saturday . And yes , we added some bookshelves - - 3 huge floor - to - ceiling cases . It 's SO nice having a proper set , now we just have to fill them up . Yeah , that 's going to be kinda hard now that I have the Kindle , but I 'm trying to be diligent about buying used books and plays - - What 's that you say ? What happened to my hair ? I cut it all off ! Did I not mention this before ? Well , as many of probably didn 't know , CH ( by request ) cut off my dreads on Sunday . For the first few days , I felt very , very naked - - I had forgotten how face dependent short hairstyles are . Bad face days are really bad face days . Also , I 've gained weight since the last time I had a natural , and I looked so much like my mother , that I actually startled myself a few times when I caught myself in the mirror . But then I got my hair put into twists on Thursday , so eerie ghost problem solved . Read about my long decision process in making this big change here . The really exciting thing about this new look , is that this is just the first of several hairstyles that I plan to try out as I grow out my natural into a full - blown bodacious afro ( which will take years ) . Next up , a braided - at - the - sides fauxhawk ? ? ? We 'll see . . . Posted by So much , that I 'm posting a blog , even though I really have no time to do so . But I wanted to let you know that I 'm posting a hair blog tomorrow , because everyone ( read : two people ) has been asking what I decided to do , and fielding all ( read : both ) of the requests has become tiresome . XM has dedicated an entire channel to Coldplay for the entire month of August . I guess they feel that this band is just not getting enough radio play . Check out XM Channel 51 if you feel the same . If you 're in the Los Angeles area , check out 100 . 3 The Sound in the mornings . One of my particularly awesome former co - workers , Larry Morgan , is the morning DJ and he 's not lame , plays lots of music , and is ( as I mentioned before ) particularly awesome . I 'm trying to shake off a sinus cold , which means I haven 't been able to ride my bike into work since Monday . So not only am I suffering , but I also miss my bike , and I STILL don 't know what 's happened in the last few chapters of the edge - of - my - seat audiobook that I 've been listening to during my bike commute . Alas . Yes , I did decide that transitions are not necessarily necessary today . Why do you ask ? That all randomly said , here 's a clever little comic remix that CH sent me courtesy of Boing Boing . It 's funny b / c it 's Steve Jobs , and b / c there does seem to be a formula to all the Pixar movies - - though obviously that formula works gangbusters . Click here to see it bigger and give Boing Boing some ( more ) web traffic . So did you notice it 's Wednesday ? Guess that means it 's time for another music purge : 1 . Still in love with " Viva La Vida , " though it 's given a spin every single time I 'm in the car , often 2 or 3 times , it 's like the radio gods want me to start hating it . Hopefully , I 'll be able to resist their evil machinations . Meanwhile , was disappointed to find that the video was super boring , basically an extension of the I - Tunes ad with absolutely nothing added . See what I mean here . 2 . I tried to pre - order the Lykke Li album which streets on August 19th last Friday , only to find out that I had already put in a pre - order . Obviously , I can 't wait for this record . At least I have " Dance Dance Dance " and my absolute favorite social anxiety ditty " Everybody But Me " to tide me over . See the super - cute , super - Swedish video for " Dance Dance Dance " here . 3 . Nearly dropped dead of shock when I heard the new single , " Sprialling " by Keane ( aka that English band you like b / c they sound a lot like Coldplay , but who aren 't in fact Coldplay ) . Very 80 's , it sounds nothing like Coldplay this time , and I have completely fallen in love with it . Also , it 's available for free at their website until 11 am on August 11th . Download it here . 4 . If you like country , I - Tunes free song of the week , " In Color " by Jamey Johnson is pretty good . 5 . But their other free song of the week , that 's kind of hidden at the bottom of the page is much better . It 's called " Infinite Night , " and it 's by Carrie Rodriguez . That all said , without further ado , here are the Top 5 Things I 've Downloaded since the last time I told you about the top 5 things I downloaded : ALBUMS : 1 . The Brazillian Girls - New York City : The Brazillian Girls are great writing music . In fact I 'm listening to them while I write this blog ! 2 . The Faint - Fasciinatiion : I 'd never heard of this band before , but I liked so many of their samples that I decided to download their entire album , since it was only $ 7 . 99 . Also , very good writing music . In fact , I 'm listening to them while I write this blog - - yes , IErnessa T . Carter So the nice thing about being a dark skinned woman , who 's lived her life as a dark - skinned woman , not - so - privately policed the portrayal of dark skinned women in entertainment , and even wrote her college thesis on dark skinned women ( in African American literature ) , is that I always form a quick ( and completely right , I 'm sure ) opin on all matters of skin tone . But I have no idea what to make of this Tyra Banks as Michelle Obama photospread in Harper 's Bazaar . Usually , I would be annoyed that once again , they 've chosen to use a light - skinned model to portray a dark - skinned woman - - anyone who 's ever heard me talk at length about the pointedly dark - skinned literary character of Shug Avery being replaced by a light - skinned actress in the movie version of The Color Purple , knows how I feel about this . But then they gave Tyra 's Michelle dark - skinned daughters - - in an industry where you rarely , rarely see dark - skinned little girls . Were conversations had behind the scene ? I can 't imagine that Harper 's Bazaar is that enlightened . Maybe they just thought the kids were cutie - pies - - which they are . Maybe they were inspired by this month 's circulation - dream : Italian Vogue . We may never know , but I can 't decide whether to be happy that they put dark - skinned little girls in the spotlight ( for once ) or to be annoyed that HB seems to think any old black people will do to play the potential first family , and that none of the family ( save Obama himself ) was cast from the right color spectrum . Sigh . But on a funnier note , go here to see the hilarious take on crazy Tyra Banks playing the completely awesome Michelle Obama on Stereohyped . They also have more pictures . One more thing : I hate to be like this , but how dope is Tyra 's dress in this picture ? So supposedly the BlackBerry Bold is on track to launch in September , and it 's going to just kill the I - Phone sales wise . Though , it is my personal belief that each new relationship should be greeted with a heart wide open , after the July Heartbreak , I 'm still feeling a little raw , a little afraid to trust again . However , it helps that my telephone contract runs out in September , so Blackberry actually saved me money by postponing , so I wouldn 't have to break my contract with the evil , evil Sprint , in a fit of new gadget lust . So I might have recovered from the Blackberry Bold letting me down earlier this summer . Just a little update , because I know that most of you were super - concerned about when my Blackberry Bold dreams would be achieved . Trying to Stay Strong , etc So as many of you know , I 've been thinking of cutting off my dreads for a while now . There are several pros to this : 1 ) No more hair getting in my way . Once your hair gets as long as mine , it becomes more like a wily animal that you always have to be conscious of , so that accidents don 't happen . 2 ) More current . Here 's what 's sad . I remember when dreadlocks where hip and trendy - - you know 11 years ago , when I first got them . Lately , I 've been feeling like I 'm settled down Elvira - style with the same hairstyle for the rest of my life . 3 ) More environmental . Though , I only have to wash my dreads every other week , it takes a ton of time and water to do . And though I love the overhead spray function on our newish shower , I 've taken to turning off the water in between rinse - offs , because I feel so guilty about all the water it takes to wash my hair - - something I know I won 't be able to do in the winters , as I can 't bear being cold . 4 ) The ability to change up hairstyles . This goes back to # 2 . I don 't want to be one of those people who finds a look at 23 and then sticks with it for the rest of her life . 5 ) Meta Reason : I got my dreads the year after my mom died . And I believe like many , that we store a lot of our history and past emotions in our hair . Maybe it 's time to let go of those dark times . But there are also a ton of cons : 1 ) You have to cut dreads out . I did a short natural for 3 years , and got dreads because I was sick of that hairstyle . It would take quite a while to grow out my hair again . And I kind of want a big , bodacious afro like yesterday . 2 ) More salon time . I was over an hour late to my own wedding , b / c my hairdresser had such poor time management . Black Salon Time - - having to spend all day someplace in order to get your hair done - - is a huge pet peeve of mine . I don 't have the time or patience to spend all day on my hair , and part of the reason that I love my dreads so is that I can maintain them myself . So it would technically be a lot more time and money for me to switch now . 3 ) More maintenance : Once , ePosted by
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Although I 'm pretty certain I had no idea what I was getting myself into , I knew that I wanted children close together in age . There were many , many desperate times over the first year . Sleepless nights where both girls were up crying simultaneously ; two under two in diapers ; one wanting to be held while the other needed to be nursed ; I could go on . { It 's funny though , that now as I 'm sitting down trying to think of the hardest moments of the first year , not that many really come to my mind . } Now they are finally { finally ! } at an age where they play together , and much of the logistical difficulty of having two children fourteen months apart in age is decreasing . More and more often I 'm becoming the third wheel . More and more often they share with each other more than they share with me . Sometimes God calls us to a marathon of prayer . Sometimes there are weeks , or months , or years before any answer is obvious . In this particular case , my marathon lasted a little over a year . But it was worth it . Now I 'm blessed with a feast of joy while watching my daughters , and goodness , the fruit is so sweet . Posted by You 're Two ! Two little years in your wake , two little candles on your cake . You wear Two well . You wear it in all it 's two - year toddler glory . You wear it with confidence , with brilliance , with laughter , with pizazz . You wear Two unlike any toddler has worn it before . You wear it with your head thrown back in wonder and joy , peals of giggles bubbling from your soul . You wear it with a tiny , darling gap between your two front teeth . You wear it with stomping feet , and high pitched " No ! " s , and flailing limbs . You wear it with the tenderest pat - pats on my back , the most undeniable " hep pease mama ! " and the greatest love of bananas and apple juice the world has known . The You you are becoming is extraordinarily unique , the juxtaposition of the best and worst parts of your parents combined with attributes all your own . You are dainty and poised and feminine , yet stubborn and tempermental and emotional . You have unending wells of passion and a deep determination to hold fast your obsessions . You don 't stop . You don 't let go . You are tenacious and determined . You are my firecracker , my brilliant little firecracker that lights up my life . You are my strong little warrior , filled with what it takes to win whatever battle you 've decided to fight . You are friendly and outgoing and willing to wring the life out of life , yet simultaneously quiet and reserved , thoughtful and pensive . You have the endearing habit of calling Deuce " Bouf " or " Boucey . " You respond with " No , I don thin so " when a simple no would work just as well . Milk is pronounced " pickle " and you call Hartlie just plain " Ha . " You greet everything with a cheery " Hi ! " : " Hi soos ! " { shoes } It was a rainy Friday , and I was meeting my mom later in the afternoon so she could keep the girls for the weekend . I wanted an outing for us , an excuse to get out of the house , and going to the mall where we 'd be meeting my mom later just seemed like the logically convenient and fun thing to do . I could look for a new shirt , the girls could ride in the stroller , we could see other human beings . It had the possibility of being a disaster , but I was mentally and physically prepared . Confident . A bit anxious , and probably overly laden with snacks , but confident . When we left the house I expected to have a hilariously disastrous story to tell about some sort of meltdown or public fiasco upon returning home . But I don 't . The day went surpisingly well . Smoothly . You might even say effortlessly . There was a moment , somewhere between watching the water gurgle up from indoor fountains and making a second trip to the bathroom , when the thought entered my mind : I 'm handling this . I 'm a mom with a baby and a toddler by myself in a very public mall , and I 'm handling this . And { shocker } this is fun ! That is a phrase that I thought would take years for me to believe . An emotion I was unsure I would ever feel as a mother . There have been days over the course of being a mom to two under two when I longed for anti - climatic days , boring trips to the store , and uneventful public outings . And yesterday , that happened . I fielded and I tossed and I encouraged and I nourished and I manipulated and I laughed and I mothered . And it was fun . So , so fun . For the first time , I allowed myself to feel and believe that I had the whole motherhood thing under some semblance of control . And it felt good . The highlight of the day was the carousel ride . The way Maylin 's face absolutely broke open with awe and delight when we entered the center of the mall made me know before I could even formulate the thought that we 'd be riding that carousel . It was as sure as if we 'd already done it . There was no room in my mother 's heart to deny her that pleasure , even if it meant spending some of the cash I had saved for eating dinner on a mom 's night out later that evening . { Which it did . } I think the small sacrifice , though , of spending money I had earmarked for my personal pleasure made the carousel ride that much more special and satisfying . And her face . Oh , her face . This memory I will tuck away . Afterwards , I " splurged " a bit more , and bought a pretzel for the three of us to share . Maylin , Hartlie , and I sat on a bench in front of the carousel and watched it go round and round , the taste of warm cinnamon sugar on our tongues . Motherhood can be hard , but it is beautiful and breathtaking , empowering and humbling . My girls are the loveliest , most exquisite pieces of my life that I never expected . I am their mother . God designed me to be mother to them . On purpose . Sure , there are times when the task of raising them , of " handling " them is daunting , but I 've got this . No , more than that . I excel at this . This is Manni Bear . Say hello ! He has been Maylin 's naptime , bedtime , nighttime , teepee time partner and overnight travel companion her entire life . Right now , he 's sitting on the edge of the bathtub . Can you tell ? That 's because , during nap time , he was involved in an unfortunate incident in which Maylin accidentally soaked his darling feet in tee tee . Maylin , not prone to waking up on sopping wet sheets , was traumatized about the accident . Really , she woke up screaming . So I calmed her down and cleaned her up and striped her bed and she resumed her nap . And Manni Bear came downstairs with me . This potty training business , y ' all . I mentioned on my Instagram this was one of my great fears of mothering a toddler . I have to admit it hasn 't been that bad . But it 's been long . And repititious . And a commitment for both me and Maylin . And it 's not over yet ! { Insert large grin emoji here } Although I do think I can see a light at the end of the tunnel . I think . A small , small light . So , anyway , it 's after 8 : 00 PM and I 'm scrubbing Manni Bear 's darling feet with hot water and lots of suds and I 'm thinking about how soft and clean and new his fur was up until this point . I 'm wondering , as I soak and scrub and rinse and wring , if he will feel as soft or look as new as he had before . I know he won 't . He will be clean again , yes . But he won 't be like new again . And that thought makes me sad . It stops me , this thought . And I just sit there , with Manni Bear driping water all down the side of the tub , and look at him , and think about all he will experience as the bedtime companion of a little girl . All the tears , the sweat , the drool , and yes , probably more tee tee . But that 's part of it , isn 't it ? That 's the cost of being the beloved stuffed friend of a child . It will just make her love him all the more for it . I know , you see , because my own stuffed childhood bear is my most precious , irreplacable possession . When I think about saving things from house fires , he is number one . I 'm in fact so terrified of losing him to a fire that I pack him in my suitcase whenever we go on overnight trips . Strange for a grown woman ? Yes . I am aware of this . Also , unashamedly not sorry . This whole experience scrubbing up Manni Bear and tossing him in the dryer on the delicate cycle so he can be loved tightly against Maylin 's warm little body made me remember this passage from The Velveteen Rabbit . Remember it ? Probably the most defining paragraphs ever written in regards to the identity of a child 's toy . " Real isn 't how you are made , " said the Skin Horse . " It 's a thing that happens to you . When a child loves you for a long , long time , not just to play with , but REALLY loves you , then you become Real . . . It doesn 't happen all at once , " said the Skin Horse . " You become . It takes a long time . That 's why it doesn 't happen to people who break easily , or have sharp edges , or who have to be carefully kept . Generally , by the time you are Real , most of your hair has been loved off , and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby . But these things don 't matter at all , because once you are Real you can 't be ugly , except to people who don 't understand . " This has been our month of going and doing . We 're finally getting out of the house and greeting the world . We have gone for walks in the park , bringing plastic baggies of grapes and bottles of water . We walk a bit , then stop for a snack . We make time to feed the ducks then visit the swings . The days are hot and sun - laden , as if August is making a final stand before the coolness of fall . This month you made your debut at church and stayed in the nursery like a champ . Sunday mornings are no longer " easy " as they once were when we stayed cuddled in bed until the sun was high , but they sure are sweet . I get to see you all dressed up in your smocked dresses and big headbands and hand you off for an hour or two to worship . Then in the afternoon we have a little lunch and stroll around the neighborhood with Daddy and Maylin . This is probably my favorite day of the week . Also new this month is that adorable dimple in your right cheek that shows up when you smile . Just like your mama . If I didn 't already have enough reasons to kiss your cheeks , now I have one more . I 'm not mad about it at all . You keep getting squishier and squishier due to your love of eating . You 're such a good nurser , which makes my job much less stressful . You slept all night for the first time in your life this month . I felt so energized that I went for my first morning run since you were born . We both felt great after that night . Good for you , sister ! We made our first trip to the library this month . You stayed cozy in the stroller while we listened to the librarian read . We also ate breakfast as a family at our local coffee shop , and you were so pleasant . The interruption in your schedule didn 't phase you a bit . You 're a flexible baby with a good disposition , and you make everyday outings a breeze . # cantstopwontstop I had gotten a bit out of the habit of reading over the last year , so I wanted to remake it priority , especially since it 's something I love doing . Part of reimplementing books into my life is putting down the phone , and my recent break from Instagram has helped dramatically . These are the four books I 've read most recently , and I had pretty strong opinions about two of the four , so I thought I 'd do a little amateur review in case anyone else is looking for their next late night obsession . You 're welcome . I surprised myself with how much I enjoyed this book . When I was in high school one of my favorite movies was Center Stage . Remember that one ? About the ballet dancers ? The one released with the influx of Never Been Kissed and 10 Things I Hate About You and all the other great late 90s movies ? Anyway , I digress . This book was a bit like a grown up version of that . The storyline centered around ballet and I found the whole thing fascinating . The story was riveting in just the right places so that the technicalities of dance didn 't get boring . When I finished I pulled up videos of Margot Fonteyne and watched them with a new appreciation of the discipline , control , diligence , and effort involved in making ballet breathtaking and graceful and exquisite . The Road - Cormac McCarthy When I finish a book , I typically give myself 24 hours to digest it before moving on . I like to mentally mull over the story , letting it sink in , letting the story settle , hardening its meaning to an imprint in my mind . Then I start a new one . This book ? I finished it four days ago and there 's no new book on the mental horizon . Some books are just heavy . They make an impression . They don 't sit well without deep thought . This book has been that way for me . The Road is a post - apacolyptic story of a father and his young son journeying and struggling and surviving and failing . It 's deep . It 's heavy . It 's disturbing in parts and heartbreaking in others and shocking throughout . If reading books about high stakes situations stresses you out , don 't even bother with this one . While interesting , this book was emotionally draining . It was good , and I would read it again , but I will probably never be able to read it without a racing heart and tears . This is the only book I do not reccommend reading , especially , especially if you 're a mother . It 's about the mystery surrounding the brutal murders of a mother and two of her four children told from the perspectives of the mother , the only surviving daughter , and the son who was convicted of the three murders . Sorry , Gillian ; LOVED Gone Girl and was intrigued by Sharp Objects , but no , just no on this one . Yet I read all the way through it ? ? I don 't know . There are some things even I do not understand about myself . Besides having an uncomfortable story line , it was also a bit vulgar for my tastes . Like I said before , Gone Girl and Sharp Objects didn 't bother me , but this once certainly did . It 's not one I 'd read again and not one I 'd reccommend . One of two post - apacolyptic books I 've read in the past six weeks , this is the story of a troupe of surviving performers traveling from spot to spot several years after a deadly virus wiped out civilization . This story was not as realstic , and therefore not as moving to me as The Road . However , I did still find it entertaining . I liked the way the story skipped around in time from before , to during , and after the collapse of civilization . If you 're looking for a bit of brain candy , something that 's not too thought - provoking but still interesting enough to make you want to come back for more , this is your book . What about you ? Read any good books lately ? I 'd love to know ! I 'm always looking for suggestions . This year , for the first time in my life , I observed Lent . I 'll have to write another post on another day about what I learned by participating , and exactly why I participated since I 'm Protestant , but suffice it to say I rather surprised myself with the depth of what I took away from it . Today , however , I 'm focusing on what I learned from taking a break , or fasting , from Instagram for 40 days . * * During Lent , I alllowed myself a few exceptions . For example , I kept up with my # 52weeksofhartlie series , and posted a couple of times for memorable occasions , birthdays , etc . It was mainly the looking at my feed , the scrolling , scrolling , scrolling for minutes up on end that I refrained from . * * { 1 } I spent more meaningful time with my daughters . I didn 't feel that incessent need to bring a camera phone to every activity of the day . I got to thinking , do my girls get sick of constantly having a camera thrust in their face while their just trying to play ? Probably . It 's okay to leave the camera alone and simply interact with them . { 2 } I was not as attached to my phone . I was able to leave it in one room rather than carrying it with me around the house . I didn 't automatically click the home button to check for notifications , or mindlessly scroll during moments of transition or down time . This was a very freeing feeling . { 3 } I had more time to read . During the times when I would have been checking Instagram , I read a book instead . I recently discovered my library 's ebook database that allows me to download books to my phone / ipad . It is just as easy to touch that icon and read as it is to touch the Instagram icon and scroll . Reading is an activity that I 've always enjoyed but haven 't had much time for lately , so it felt good to get back into that habit . I even completed two books ! Even now that Lent is over , I still find myself automatically touching the ebook app to read more often than looking at Insta . Yay for making a new , constructive habit ! { 4 } When I wanted to take a picture , I reached for my " big camera , " my Canon , more often than my iphone . This gave me an opportunity to improve my skill using it , which is something I 've wanted to do for a while . Again , another constructive habit formed ! { 5 } Real talk time . Sometimes I get this feeling , I 'm sure you know the one , when I look at other people 's pictures . Their perfectly coordinated clothes ; their modernly decorated and impossibly clean house with white walls and tons of natural light ; their kids with the smocked dresses and clean faces ; their spontaneous date night with their husband , complete with heels and a glass of expensive wine ; their gourmet meals that somehow meet requirements of both Whole 30 and decadence . And I start wanting what they have , feeling discontent with all the good I have , and suddenly I 'm in the middle of a pity party that discolors everything around me for the rest of the day . Or the week . And ya 'll . I hate that . I hate that feeling . I hate comparing . It 's a chronic disease I 've struggled with for years . It 's one I 've battled and beaten with the sword of Scripture and the help of my God , and it 's not one I want to be bedridden with again . Ever . So when Instagram , my current favorite hobby , starts looking a lot like comparison and discontentment and less like inspiration and community , that 's when I know I need to step back . Funny how the enemy can turn your favorite thing against you , right ? But not me , not from now on . A blogger I follow wrote a fantastic post about this exact subject , one that I bookmarked . Go read it if this is also a struggle for you . On the flip side . . . { 6 } I didn 't document as much . Sometimes an entire week would go by without a single new picture in my camera roll . I like having pictures of my girls at different ages and phases . I like snapping a selfie with Michael while we 're on a date . For some reason , little random pictures like that didn 't happen during this time period . This was a little disturbing to me and something I don 't want to fall into the habit of . { 7 } Instagram has become a hobby : photographing , editing , captioning , curating . I missed that creative outlet . In a lot of ways it has replaced my blog . While I still prefer my blog for longer posts about deeper , more detailed thoughts , Instagram is , well , instant . For most every day moments this is my prefered medium . If I had to pick one thing I missed the most , this is it . I missed the creativity . { 8 } I missed the community . I missed knowing the snipets of life of family and friends , of the bloggers and fellow moms I follow . I missed being encouraged and inspired . I 've spent a long time , months and months , curating the people I follow on my Instagram , making my feed positive , thought - provoking , inspiring , and refreshing . I like scrolling through their pictures and reading their thoughts in the same way I like reading blogs . I missed that during my fast . Would I do it again ? Yes , when I felt the need . And I did definitely feel the need , as it had become an obsessive habit for me . Next time , I may not take quite as long a break { unless I choose to do it for Lent again } . I do feel it 's constructive to periodically step away , if just for a weekend or a week at a time , just to put a little fissure in that obsesive link my mind creates between me and the shiny , colorful world of Insta . One final note : Sometimes I 'm afraid I 've been trapped into thinking that unless I take the picture , I won 't have the memory . Like , if I don 't Instagram it , then it didn 't happen . That is a complete lie and totally false . While I don 't have many pictures over the last 40 days or so , I do have some memories . I remember dying Easter eggs . I remember wagon walks around the neighborhood . I remember playing at parks . I remember eating lunch al fresco with my husband in New Orleans . I remember watching Maylin put a sticker on the 1000 books chart at the library when she reached 200 . The only picture I have of those moments is one in my mind , and that 's okay . That being said , however , it is much easier for me to recall a memory when I see a picture that it represents . From now on I want to have a healthy balance of both mental and digital photographs . { 1 } Lunch with my Girls ~ it may be loud . It may be chaotic . It may be wild to the fullest extent . But right now , I get to have lunch with them . Every day , right here in our kitchen , at our table . And even if it 's eating fish sticks and apple slices for Maylin , a handful of blueberry puffs for Hartlie , and a piece of peanut butter toast for me , I 'm going to relish it . Because my girls , they 're what make it gourmet and memorable and so , so unforgettable . And this sicky mess , this chaotic wildness ? It 's only for a little while . { 2 } Afternoon Walks ~ The breeze , the sun , the monotonous yet familiar and comforting circle of the neighborhood . The spying of a cat , the bark of a dog , the frisk of a squirrel . Maylin 's pointing finger . The delaying of the witching hour . The waves of friendly neighbors from driveways or front porches or passing cars . The walk that has brought and nurtured so many neighborly friendships , a community for this skeptical , hermit of a girl who never thought she 'd enjoy living so close to people . The late afternoon light that promises the quiet of evening . These walks refresh my soul . { And make me believe that why yes , yes I can face dinner prep and bath time . } { 3 } Storytime in the Teepee ~ This is my time . My attention can be pulled in a thousand different directions at other times of the day , but these few minutes before naps or before bed , this is MY time . This is where I pass on my legacy , what I want them to remember about me . This is where I share my love of reading , of literature , of delving deeply into someone else 's story and letting it sweep you away to places far beyond your imagination . This is where I can share stories of courage and kindness , of spunk and friendship , of hope and humor and honesty and heroism . This is where I share stories that teach lessons , provide knowledge , and impart integrity . THIS is where memories are made and characters are formed that will bind themselves together into a cord , a cord that will become a heartstring , a heartstring that will forever be a piece of the deepest parts of the soul of Maylin and Hartlie . I may feel inadequate in so many other areas of motherhood , but THIS is where I shine . This is what no one can take away from me . This is what I don 't want to forget . Recently I 've become increasingly aware of the power of words . Not just the written word , with which I 've always had a love affair , but also the power of spoken words . Particularly the power of positive truth spoken directly to yourself or directly to someone else . Words have a way of affecting us like little else does , especially if we hear the same words or are presented with the same idea repeatedly . We begin to believe those words , live those words . They become a part of our psyche , sometimes almost impossible to shake { body image , anyone ? } . Not long ago I participated in a Bible study led by Priscilla Shirer , which was not really about blessings or words at all , but during a particular video segment she mentioned her habit of speaking Scripture in the form of a blessing over her three sons . I was intrigued . I had not ever really heard of this before . Memorizing Scripture , yes . Reciting Scripture , yes . Writing Scripture , yes . But using it as a blessing spoken over someone ? It was a little foreign to me . The concept is that she would routinely , several times a day , like when dropping her kids off at school or before bedtime , repeat parts of Scripture to her boys that she wanted them to believe was especially true for their lives . She mentioned that though her oldest is still in elementary school , he and his younger brothers could all repeat this blessing to her because she 'd said it so often to them . The idea was fascinating to me . I loved it . And I wanted to do it for my girls . After a little bit of thought , and not really much direction , I settled on saying a Hebrew blessing from the book of Numbers to Maylin { this was before Hartlie was born } as I rocked her to sleep . It was a short verse : The Lord bless you and keep you . The Lord make His face shine on you and be gracious to you . The Lord look upon you with favor and give you peace . { Numbers 6 : 24 - 26 } It was a good blessing and I liked the cadence of the words , but after a while it didn 't seem to be enough . I wanted more . This is not to imply that any part of God 's Word is not " enough , " because it absolutely is , all the time and in every circumstance . It 's just that I wanted to put a bit more thought and effort into choosing what to say over my daughters . Especially after Hartlie was born , I began to desire a specific blessing for each of my girls , something that would be meaningful to them individually . I began to really consider what truths I wanted Maylin and Hartlie to know and believe in their very core . I looked ahead to what their future might hold - to the teenage years , onto college , through marriage , and careers , and children , and potential heartbreak and probable tragedies . I thought about their individual personalities , the little quirks and nuances that set them apart from each other . I pondered the meaning of their names , and how amazingly through no fault of my own , the meanings of their names happen to fit right in with their personalities . I thought about what lies they might be faced with and what lies they might come to believe about themselves . And then I turned around and thought about my Lord , about His personality , His character traits , His promises . What about Him do I feel is essential for Maylin and Hartlie to know ? And not just know , but believe as absolute , unshakable truth ? Then I began to search the Bible , marking down meaningful verses , underlining certain phrases , making a list of passages I wanted to include . After some time , I landed on my spoken blessing for each of my girls . I finished Maylin 's first , and have been saying it to her for many months . I speak it over her after our bedtime story , as we 're either rocking or lying in the teepee , chest to chest and heart to heart . It 's the final words I speak to her before she goes to sleep , and it 's become such a routine that now when I begin speaking her blessing , she quiets down , her little body relaxes , and she listens . It 's the final sleep cue . An unexpected , but wonderful result of compiling and saying these blessings to my girls is that I have read and written and spoken them so often that I now have them memorized . And it 's quite amazing how much these words , with which I started out intending to bless my daughters , have actually blessed me as well . I 'm sharing them below . You are a woman of strength and dignity , a woman who speaks words of wisdom and kindness . You are confident and can joyfully laugh without fear of your future . { Proverbs 31 : 25 - 26 } No weapon that Satan tries to use against you will ever succeed in doing you harm , for this is your inheritance as a daughter of God . { Isaiah 54 : 17 } God is in the midst of you , my strong little warrior , surrounding you , you shall not be moved . God 's help will rise at the break of day , as the morning dawns . { Psalm 46 : 5 } Therefore , my strong little warrior , be strong in the Lord and in the full strength of His might . Put on the full armor of God so that you can stand firm against the schemes of Satan . For our struggle is not against flesh and blood , but against forces of darkness and wickedness . { Ephesians 6 : 10 - 12 } But you have already conquered all of these things through Christ who loves you . For I am convinced from the depths of my soul that nothing , neither death , nor life , nor angels , nor rulers , nor powers , nor things that are happening to you today , nor things that will happen to you in the future , nor depth nor height , nor anything that has been created can ever separate you from God 's love in Jesus Christ . { Romans 8 : 37 - 39 } This is my prayer and this is my blessing . I love you . Amen . You are a woman of strength and dignity , a woman who speaks words of wisdom and kindness . You are confident and can joyfully laugh without fear of your furture . { Proverbs 31 : 25 - 26 } You are blessed , my little peacemaker , for you are a daugher of God . { Matthew 5 : 16 } The Lord is your Keeper and He is a shade to the closest parts of you . Nothing under the sun will not smite you by day , nor will anything under the moon harm you by night . The Lord will protect you from all evil and will keep your soul . The Lord guards your every move from now through the rest of your life . { Psalm 121 : 5 - 8 } Therefore , my little peacemaker , let your light shine in front of all people in such a way that you illuminate your Father in heaven , so that you shine as a light in the darkness . { Matthew 5 : 16 , Philippians 2 : 15 } For the mountains may be removed and the hills may shake and fall , but the Lord 's lovingkindness will not be removed from you and His faithful promise of peace will not be shaken , for He has great compassion for you . { Isaiah 54 : 10 } It 's full on summer now . The days are growing hotter and you 're growing bigger . You 've spent most of your first month sleeping , but you 're slowly starting to spend more time awake . It 's been fun to watch you " wake up " to the world around you . Time seems to almost stand still during those first few newborn weeks , when we 're both surviving within two hour segments of nurse , change , sleep - all around and around the clock . Then suddenly , this month I woke up one morning and looked over into your little portable crib by my bed and realized with a start that you , my newborn baby girl , don 't look so new anymore . You 're looking and acting more like your own person each day . You have so many smiles , so many effortless and ready smiles , and we love it . You 're our laid - back , easy going gal . You only cry for very good reasons and you sleep like a dream , which makes this mama really happy . And thankful . Very thankful for sleep right now . This month we discovered you 're allergic to dairy , which means no more dairy products for me for the forseeable future . I 'm praying you 'll outgrow this allergy - as most babies who have it do - because can you imagine ? Life without chocolate or ice cream or cereal { oh cereal } or milk and oreos ? ? I had the bright idea one early morning this month to attempt dairy free buscuits , and they turned out okay . But just okay . May the good Lord spare you from a life of " just okay " buscuits . It 's been incredible to watch you form relationships with our loved ones , especially with your daddy and sister . Daddy / Daughter love will always be heartmelting for me , and that sister - bond is unmatchable . This month we ate cupcakes together , went to the pool together , tramped through the park together , you snuggled up in the Happy wrap around my torso or in the padded stroller while we made memories around you . Sunday afternoon snuggles , all four of us piled in our bed , became my favorite activity of the week . You are new this month . Brand new and we are smitten with love and ooey gooey emotions immediately . You arrived fast and with disregard to epidurals and time and Pitocin , but goodness , we couldn 't be happier greeting you under any other circumstances . My wide eyed girl that made me a mama twice , you 've made my mornings and evenings , mid - days and midnights so , so sweet . We welcomed you home with joy and love . I can hardly sleep at the sight of you . You are one of my two favorite reasons to embrace each morning . My baby girl , so fresh and new , you caused my heart to expand 100 % larger than it was already . Before you were born , I was secretly fearful I couldn 't love you as much as Maylin , simply because I couldn 't imagine the magnitude of that much love . I couldn 't imagine that any heart had the capacity for it . But , my sweet girl , because of you I love 100 % more . I love you 100 % and I love your sister 100 % . Thank you for bringing that much more love into my life . We 've taken this first month slowly . Easy . We 've stayed in pajamas , taken leisurely walks , sat in the summer warmth on the front porch . We 've spent hours rocking , hours nursing , hours snuggling and cuddling . Middle of the night nursing sessions became photo sessions as I snapped picture after picture of you in your nightgown with your wide eyes and your baby cap , wrapped in your swaddle blanket lying on my bedspread , your daddy snoozing beside us . I 've watched Maylin become increasingly more aware of your presence and I 'm excited to witness this sister - bond grow . Some things I 've learned about you already - you never sneeze only once , always in sets of threes or fours , just like your daddy . You cry the biggest , most perfect crocodile tears I 've ever seen , and when you 're upset , they 're immediate and constant , soaking your onesie or crib sheet or my shoulder in an instant . You 're already grasping dangling objects . And your smile . Oh your smile . It slays us . Well . It 's been awhile . 2014 was not a successful year for my blogging routine . I could be ashamed of myself for that . I could let that fact get me down . I could listen to the little lie that says I might as well give it up . Becasue when I think about what 's kept me away - my two daughters - I 'm positive I wouldn 't trade the hours with them for all the blogging time in the world . I don 't have much recorded to show for this year , to remember this year by , and I do regret that . In fact , when I think about all the months gone by of Hartlie 's life that haven 't been documented I get a bit sick inside . I didn 't write much this year ; I guess some years are just lean like that . But now ! New year , new resolve , and { perhaps most influentially } older babies who have adjusted and readjusted to schedules , which means now I have about an hour and a half in the afternoons where they both nap AT THE SAME TIME . Hallelujah chorus . I 'm hopping on the " word of the year " train , along with all others in the blogosphere , and choosing one word to live by in 2015 . Although I will probably still write down a long list of goals because that 's just the kind of person I am and when you put a Pilot pen and a cute notepad in my hand I can 't help myself . I 'll just have to break the rules and do both . { Living on the edge , I know . } Real talk time . Ever since Maylin was born almost two years ago I feel my life has been far from my control . More specifically I have felt lost , clueless , unsure , overwhelmed , maxed out , time - less , and not myself . I feel as if I somehow got attached to the wrong end of a long rope that keeps whipping me about from one place to another . I haven 't been able to firmly plant my feet . Instead of acting , I 've been reacting . Instead of being in control , I 'd lost control . Instead of having a plan and being calm yet firm , I responded with anxiety , panic , and by throwing my proverbial hands in the air . I won 't blame my habit of being reactionary solely on motherhood , although the starting times of the two do coincide , and a lot of the things I 've responded to with anxiety and panic { if I responded at all } are related to parenting issues . A lot of being reactionary also stemmed from an " identity crisis , " in which I transitioned from teacher to mother to household manager to mother of two under two in a really , really lightening speed fast amount of time . Like , a " what is my new role ? " and " where do I belong in society ? " and " how does that merge with who I already am ? " and " how do my dreams and wants fit in with this whole sleepless , selfless mother thing ? " and " oh yeah aren 't I suppsed to be a wife , too ? " kind of identity crisis . { Mamas in the house , let me hear ya say yeah because I can 't possibly be the only one ? Or if I am just don 't tell me . } So , I reacted . I reacted with my emotions . I reacted with my time management . I reacted with my lack of planning . I reacted with my purchases . I reacted with my mothering . Most of the things I 've done over the past two years have been done on impulse , as a response , and without thorough thought . The more I reacted , the more situations occured to cause me to react . And I 'm sick of it . Therefore . . . Part of being actionary is having a plan and sticking to it , thinking about what could happen and having a response for when it does , because it will . I want to know how I will handle situations before they happen , maybe not specifically , but with a general core of guidelines . I want to be prepared . I want to act , not react . So there it is . Resolution 2015 . Posted by
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The last pumpkin from my garden . Sniff . This pumpkin is from a plant that sprung up all on it 's own - - having hidden deep in the pile of compost I had put in my new garden last spring . At the time I was a little perturbed because the vine took over half of my garden ( OK , I 'm exaggerating ) . But the few pumpkins that pollinated were hardy and long lasting . This baby looked as good as the day I picked it back in the late summer . This pumpkin is for pumpkin bread I am making for our weekend festivities . From this small fella I got enough pureed pumpkin for 4 loaves . ( Plus an adorable pile of pumpkin seeds for roasting . ) In my recipe calls for one cup of pumpkin per loaf . The extra two I put in the freezer for later . Making Pumpkin PureeI like to steam my pumpkins and squash when I 'm making something sweet , rather than roasting . This way you don 't get any brown spots from roasting in the oven - - which I think has a more savory flavor . It 's as simple as pie ( well , easier actually ) to steam pumpkin . Cut pumpkin into quarters ( for a small sugar pumpkin ) , scrape off the seeds , and put into a large pot with about a 2 inches of water at the bottom . Put the cover on the pan and steam for about 45 minutes . Make sure you have enough water - - otherwise the results are not pretty . ( Imagine burnt pumpkin cemented to the bottom of your pan . ) After it cools slightly , simply scoop the soft flesh out with a large spoon into a blender or Cuisinart , leaving the skin - - which you can throw into your compost ! : ) Puree in the Cuisinart or blender until smooth . That 's it ! Roasting Pumpkin SeedsRinse the seeds off in a strainer . Pat dry with a kitchen towel . Dump the seeds onto a cookie sheet . Drizzle a little olive oil over the seeds and toss around . You just want a light coat of oil on the seeds . Sprinkle kosher salt , or sea salt ( or just your plain old salt ) on the seeds to your liking . Also , because we have two people with Portuguese blood in our home and I like to keep traditions alive , I sprinkle a little paprika over the pumpkin seedSandy What a mess ! We have two large rectangular baskets filled with CDs that slide under our coffee table in the living room . It 's a fairly good system , in that they are out of the way and we don 't have to look at them . But CD cases are awkward things that take up a ton of room . So , my SIL Tanya gave me this great idea . She purchased large notebooks with inserts inside that accommodate CDs . Brilliant ! ( And yes , that is a Neil Diamond CD case on the floor . What can I tell you , I grew up with the guy . I hear his songs and think of my dad working around the house on the weekends . ) Here are my CD notebooks . Like Tanya , I insert the booklet that comes with each CD into the slot along with the CD itself . I 've organized them by classification . It looks like everything will fit with some room to spare . Now these two notebooks can fit almost anywhere . And let 's face it , if you have an ipod or two , you hardly ever touch these things ! Posted by Last year after learning from my Portuguese father - in - law how to extend the growing season in my garden with lettuce and kale , from my high school friend Abby ( who now lives in northern New England ) that leeks can be harvested in the winter , and gaining a better understanding from Eliot Coleman what things grow in the cold weather and how to get the most out of your garden space , I was even more excited about gardening than I had been in the past . Originally I thought that we New Englanders had a narrow amount of time to grow our tomatoes , cukes , and zucchini , and that was it . So many people don 't realize how easy it is to grow simple lettuce in the springtime and fall . All you do is sow the seeds in the ground ( just barely , since the seeds are so tiny ) , water and pick . My girlfriend Michelle planted a few rows of lettuce in her small kitchen garden on the side of her house , and she had more lettuce than she knew what to do with ! Leeks are a very slow growing vegetable . I planted a bunch of them and scattered them throughout my garden . In my naivete I thought all leeks were suitable for overwintering , but that is not the case . Some can handle winter temperatures and snow , others cannot . I planted two varieties Varna and Seigfreid . The Varna at this point look a bit wilted , but they taste just fine . Besides , leeks are the type of vegetable you saute for soup rather than chop on top of a salad . The Seigfreid are looking fabulous ! The green tops are just as firm and vibrant as they looked in the summer . What an amazing vegetable ! These are the Varna Leeks . I had to try and recall where I 'd planted them because everything is covered in about 6 - 8 inches of snow ! I dug down to the base of the leek with a kitchen serving spoon . . . And cut them off with a knife ! ( I think Abby used a pitchfork , come to think of it . ) This is a Seigfreid Leek . Doesn 't it look fabulous ? ! Amazing . Before winter sets in , leeks should be mulched with straw , or even leaves would do . You can see the mulch here around the base of the leek . The thPosted by My parents gave this to Ripley two Christmases ago . It 's a tree house , and is extremely cool . Ripley likes to play with all of the gadgets - - the ladder , the " tire " swing , the winch , the bridge . However , when it comes to playing with the dolls that go with the tree house . . . His imagination and creativity is a little , well . . . you judge for yourself . These folks are apparently " sleeping " on the hammock . Am I doing something wrong as a parent ? ! Benjamin ( 9 ) used to do the same type of thing . Now , Ripley knows how to play with individual jets and make them take - off from an aircraft carrier that we 've had here since Benjamin was about 4 . He doesn 't cram them all into the hold and leave them there ! I certainly haven 't given them more examples of how to play with airplanes versus dolls . He has seen it and experienced it , so he pretends . Is this how my children view bedtime ? ! Every time I walk by these dolls , I giggle . This is my church on a typical Sunday morning ( yesterday to be exact ) . This is the Cafe . There is a 9 : 00 and 10 : 45 a . m . service - - so before , even during , and after the service people swarm into the Cafe for free food and beverages . For those who for whatever reason feel more comfortable outside of a traditional service setting - you can even watch Pastor Dennis preach on a big screen inside the Cafe while eating your morning muffin and cup of coffee . I love this part of church . One of the most important parts about going to church in the first place is fellowship . Connecting with others , sharing your life with one another , bringing up the fact that this past week has been a tough one , or celebrate an accomplishment with a friend . Life can be an isolating experience . It is important to purposefully make an effort to connect with others . Sometimes it is easier to simply stay at home and clean your house for the forth time this week , or watch another three hours of television . Living is about relationship and in order to have relationship - - meaningful relationships - - you have to first get out of your house . Facebook and email don 't count ( either does blogging ) . Even the kids have time for fellowship at " the kids table " - - you can see Ripley in the faded orange sweatshirt on the left . The kids table is actually a great place for adults to get to know one another . Invariably we all end up talking about our children 's behavior or eating habits , life with kids , life before kids , etc . , etc . Here you can see Victor involved in some type of meaningful conversation with friends . I 'd like to point out here how impressed I am that Matt and Kara brought their own coffee mugs from home . Blush . Does it count that I remembered to do that last week ? ! Invariably when the second service starts , one of our Pastors - Sean , gathers everyone up and explains that if you are here to watch the second service , it is beginning , if your just gabbing - - exit stage left . We like to tease him sarcastically " Geee Sean , you sure are friendly hePosted by My niece Rosalie just turned 5 . She loves to dance , so for her birthday party a teacher came and taught a ballet class . What a wonderful idea . The grown - ups seemed to be enjoying all of the adorable photo - op moments , and as you can see , the girls were loving every minute . Everyone was told to come " dressed to dance " . Ripley decided he was going to wear " cute clothes " which entails a button down shirt of some kind and non - sports related shoes . Tanya and I both received these " cupcake trees " for Christmas from my parents . Aren 't these pink cupcakes adorable ? The boys were encouraged to participate in the dance lesson - - we explained that ballet is a very athletic sport , and that sportsmen of all kinds practice ballet to strengthen and increase their flexibility . However , although the boys enjoyed watching the ballerinas , overall , they were not impressed . Posted by Recently , I 've been wondering about toys . Do my children have enough toys ? Sometimes when I go over to a friend 's house , I wonder . All of the newest gadgets and novelties , lined up ready for playing . My oldest , Benjamin has been around and " collecting " toys for nearly 10 years ( in May ) . As they break I sift through them and try to keep them " fresh " . We have the wooden train set , the electric train , the Lego 's , the blocks , dress - up stuff , puzzles , matchbox cars , games , learning games , chess , microscope and other scientific things for Benjamin . . . When people ask what my children need for gifts ( birthdays and holidays ) I am usually at a loss . We haven 't gone down the video game route : the Wee , PlayStation or GameBoy . Then , on Monday when I had both boys at home , I watched them play . Most of their " play " is inventive and imaginative . Maybe it involves a few cars , but not on a track . A ball , but not in a net . We have had plenty of snow to play in , so I sent them out to do a little shoveling ( you know how jobs go for kids , it 's the effort that counts ) and to fetch a load of wood on their sleds . They had more fun . In short order they were sledding around the yard . And after lunch we went outside again to build snow forts . All day long , we didn 't turn on the television or play video games ( that stands to reason , since we don 't have any ) . Sometimes I wonder ( when my boys were bickering about who was or wasn 't doing their job ) if parents today don 't want to do the work involved in good parenting . At one point , early in the day , I thought " Gee , it would be so easy to just plunk them in front of THE BOX . " But , I didn 't , and I think my boys are better for it . We had such a blast building " igloos " at the entrance to our driveway where the snow piled high from passing plows and Victor 's shoveling . One for each boy . I joked that they should spend the night out in their igloos . That was a bad idea . They both jumped at the chance and I had to explain that I was just kidding , and that we would need lots of leather , fur , wool and Posted by On Monday Benjamin announced " Mommy , when I 'm thinking , like when I 'm laying in bed or looking out the car window , I do math facts in my head . " Then he added , " Well , not exactly math facts , but I play with numbers in my head . I 'll add two numbers in my head , then add another number and on and on until I get lost ! " May I just say that numbers do not come to my mind when day dreaming . My blessed boy . For those of you who have made my mom 's Lemon Squares , I have updated the recipe to be even more lemony . As it is , they are lemony and have a wonderful texture ( not gummy ! ) But the last time I made them I had extra lemon juice , so I threw it in and added a little more flour ( Now 5 T lemon juice , 3 T flour ) . The result was fabulous , and everyone ( this was my crowd of 11 two weeks ago ) said they were the best lemon squares they 've ever tasted . Simple . Classic . Delicious . Yesterday I watched the Inauguration on television all day long . I raced out the door to pick up Ripley from school 30 minutes early so that we could be back in time to watch the swearing in . I almost kept the boys home from school to watch , but Benjamin said that the entire school was going to watch the ceremony , so I let them go . What a momentous event . I didn 't want them to miss it . No matter what your political views , I hope that you can appreciate and celebrate all that our country accomplished and overcame in the election and Inauguration of President Obama . I sure can . For Ripley at age four , understanding the concept of the world , a country , a President and a government is a bit of a stretch , but for the past year I 've been trying to explain it . He had a few funny lines as we watched , baked zucchini bread , dusted , and vacuumed ( during the commercials ) . When he first saw now President Obama at the Inauguration , Ripley said " He already won ! " As if to say , what is he back for ? I 'd tried to explain to Ripley that Obama was going to be the President of the United States of America . Later , Ripley said , pointing to President Obama " He is America . " Yes heSandy On Saturday I had a few extra minutes to myself before going to a baby shower for a girl friend of mine from Ecuador . I was looking for a good old fashioned hand - held mixer , thanks again to my friend at RainGarden . Why didn 't I think of this sooner ? I 've long been a proponent of the handheld manual can opener , why not the handheld manual mixer ? ( I fully understand electric can openers for those who suffer with arthritis type pain , however , for the vast majority of us - - Why can 't we handle cranking our own cans open manually ? I 'm at a loss . And , electric can openers take up space on your counter . I digress . ) I meandered into this tiny antique store that is quite literally " a hole in the wall " . To get into the store , you must walk down a set of narrow concrete stairs and walk through a small door . The owner does a great job displaying various things on the sidewalk so that you know it 's there , but until Saturday I 'd never set foot in the place . When I did , the owner was pounding away on a typewriter . I thought to myself , is this for effect - - to set the mood ? I glanced around . I 'm amazed he stays in business , but the rent must be dirt cheap . Records , clothing , accessories , costume jewelry , little wooden drawers labelled in typewritten lettering ( aaha ! ) things like : buttons , watches , game pieces , nail clippers . There was an entire selection of vintage fabric divided neatly by color , but in my opinion was way over priced . Finally I asked the man if he had any hand mixers . He started wandering around the store making all kinds of clanking noises here and there , and lo and behold pulled out four of them from I don 't know where . I tested them all and chose the one that was sturdy and smoothest when the beaters twirled around . It 's possible that it cost more than a new one a Target , but I 'm certain that it will last longer . They just don 't make things like they used to . I also purchased a few antique hand embroidered hankies . Aren 't they lovely ? They aren 't reproductions fabricated in China ( which I have purchased in theSandy I hadn 't checked on the weather forecast , so I was completely surprised to wake up on Sunday morning to snowfall - - major snowfall . I 'd thought we were going to get 1 - 3 inches of snow , changing to rain in the afternoon . Victor ( chief shoveler ) estimated that we received 6 - 8 inches ! How fun ! So , after church ( we did venture out ) we went sledding down the street from our house . We aren 't the type of parents who sit on the sidelines and watch our kids sled . No , no , no ! We stand in line and wait our turn to go down the slopes ! Here is Victor lookin ' good as he starts his journey down the hill . . . Down , down , down . . . And then skillfully RAMS into our cute four year old , Ripley . Fortunately , they were both laughing after the er . . . event . Church , sporting a winter jacket . He was none too pleased to have snowballs collecting on his fur . Up the hill again . Ripley , always happy to please the camera . And here Victor goes again ! Last week , several of the neighborhood guys built a jump from one of the hay bales that was lining the new street . Memories of taking - on jumps as children in our heads . . . We were soon reminded that we have in fact landed in our forties . . . Victor , laughing through his pain . Ripley , loving every minute of it . ScatFunction : nounEtymology : perhaps from Greek skat - , skor excrementDate : 1927 : an animal fecal droppingWhen I was living in Colorado , reading Farley Mowat 's book Never Cry Wolf and preparing for my backpacking trip to Alaska , I became familiar with the term " scat " . Once you know to look for it , it 's a great way to know what animals are nearby and what they are eating . Well , I can tell you with certainty that a ) rabbits are IN my garden with frequency , and b ) they are eating my old broccoli plants . Whippersnappers . They are also hopping through and around my wild blackberries that I 'm planning on taming this year . And , clearly , this year I will also be building a fence . Sad , but I 've finally embraced the reality that one is needed . I had several encounters with wildlife last season from rabbits stunting the growth of my carrots and beets by nibbling their tops , to deer chomping at my ready to pick peas , and painstakingly trained strawberry plants . So when the ground thaws , I 'm hoping to draft Victor to help me build a fence . One natural aide has come to my rescue though . Yesterday morning our dog Church was barking as he looked out the slider facing our back woods . I let him out as usual to chase the local squirrel population . But what Church had in his sights was a fox ! I wish I could have gotten a picture of him ( or her ) but I was awestruck looking at this beautiful animal . A very healthy fluffy looking fox with dark red fur and lots of black highlights . As Church came bounding out , the fox , who was checking out our neighbors dog kennel ( they have tiny little yapper type dogs ) , slowly meandered away irritated by the inconvenience of Church 's appearance ( certainly not scared ) . Our fox slowly trotted across the back of our woods so that Ripley and I could see him . Ripley asked " Does the fox have sharp teeth ? " " Yes " I said . " Then Church should come inside , because I love Church . " Poor Church was still way back by the dog kennel running around in circles asking " Which way did he go ? Which way did he go ? " Due to encouragement from my husband , Victor , when we put my new garden in last spring I made it much larger than I 'd originally planned . I am so thankful . As it was , I felt crowded and short on space . This year I am expanding my growing areas into some other spaces I have scattered around our yard . For two cents I could pick up and move to a 10 acre farm house . We 've joked about it , but how could I leave my asparagus , rhubarb and strawberries ? My blueberry bushes , pear , apple , peach , cherry and apricot trees ? They are like my children ! Plus , we are settled here , have wonderful neighbors and who wants to sell a home in this market ? Not I . This year I am going to down size my perennial garden - - which everyone loves and compliments - - however , you can 't eat a day lily . Well , even if you can , I don 't want to . I 'm not going to get too radical , but I am going to downsize a little bit . I want to plant more herbs and thanks to Raingarden I am going to try growing my own Chamomile Tea . Next year , who knows ? ! I might even get Victor going with the chainsaw and push back into our woods , just a little bit . The other area I plan to plant in is our side yard . Our side yard is a wooded area . There are all kinds of beech trees scattered throughout with wood chips underneath to cut down on weed maintenance . But on the edge where the wood chips meet our front lawn , I have full sun in the summertime . In this location I plan to plant vegetables that take up large areas like squash , pumpkins , watermelons and cantaloupes . I am going to make mounds all along our side yard in which these plants can grow . There is plenty of room for them to roam without taking up my precious garden space . Isn 't that a clever idea ? The other thing I would like to experiment with are extra places to grow potatoes . I understand that you can grow potatoes in old tires . Anything stackable . I need to do some more research on this . All in an effort to gain more growing area ! Here is a list of things I learned last year and hope to improve on this year : Better Posted by You have got to be kidding me . Today it is forecast to be 16 degrees along with 1 - 3 inches of snow . The Midwest is dealing with - 20 to - 40 degree temperatures and we , Southeastern New Englanders are canceling school . I 'm baffled . We have furnaces in the schools , right ? We have snow plows , right ? What 's the problem ? I have to admit that when we see folks down south on the news skidding all over the roads and getting into pile - ups , we snicker a little up here . But places that don 't have enough plows , sanders and salters to make the roads safe ( and why would they , since snowfall is rare ? ) are at a big disadvantage . And drivers don 't have the opportunity to learn how to drive in the snow . We however , have no excuse . We are wimps . It 's official . Our fellow Northern New Englanders are laughing their butts off at us . It 's an embarrassment . Allow me to say to the rest of the New Englanders out there who know how to deal with the cold and snow : We are sorry . We have let you down . It 's hopeless , we are wimps . We are going to race off to the stores before the snow begins to fall today , all 3 inches of it , ( with our children in tow , because there is no school ) and purchase our obligatory loaf of bread and gallon of milk . It 's all we know . It 's what we do . Send us down south where we belong . ( Then we 'd no doubt complain about the heat , the humidity , the snakes and the bugs . ) As I 've mentioned , it 's been snowy around here . Typically when we get snow , within a few days it is gone . The warm water off the coast invariably turns on coming precipitation to bone chilling sleet and rain . Usually our winters are filled with slush . So , it 's been lovely to have a lasting winter wonderland over the past two weeks . However , on our way home from school yesterday Ripley exclaims " I don 't even know how the ground is doing ! " The poor guy , he was wondering about the grass . What 's happening under there ? ! Then , we stopped by the mailbox as we pulled into our driveway . Ripley received a lovely invitation to his cousin Rosalie 's 5th Birthday Party . I 've mentioned that Rosalie is the only girl on both sides of her family , but she is girl enough for everyone . She loves to dance , and watch Russian ballets , so it was no surprise that the invitation had a hand colored ballerina on the front . It read at the end " children should dress to dance " . After hearing that , Ripley says " But I don 't have anything to dance in ! I don 't even have a dress to wear . " He was under the impression that if he wanted " in " on the party he had to go sporting dancing attire - - the way his cousin Rosalie sees dancing attire . Ripley was actually considering if this was worth the sacrifice . He seemed very relieved when I let him know that he wasn 't required to wear a dress and that he could dance in anything he wanted . " How about Superman ? " referring to his costume . Sure , that would be fine , I said . Rosalie : The Princess Ballerina of our familyOn Saturday , Benjamin had a swim meet . His team is a small low key group , which is nice . He loves it , has a great time , and gets plenty of exercise without the stress and pressure of a more hard core competitive team . Here he is ( on the right ) cheering for his team with two of his friends Kyle and Jeffrey . Getting ready ( Benjamin 's on the right ) And taking off ! So , what 's in your pantry / freezer ? I am part way through an inventory . Things , particularly in the pantry department , have gotten out of control . I could feed my family off what 's in both for months . And that 's my plan ! Do any of you overachiever types have the problem where you buy supplies for a certain recipe that you don 't have time to make ? Well , I 've done that 100 too many times . I have makings for the oatmeal raisin bread I 've been meaning to make for weeks ( today , really ! ) , granola makings that didn 't get done during the holidays , and tons of accent ingredients that I need to make my stand by favorites - - like coconut milk , chickpeas , tuna , pasta . . . you name it , it 's in there . So , this is what I 'm going to do : take an inventory , create a list , and chip away at our supplies . Things have gotten out of hand and you can hardly get in there ! Blush . It 's not pretty . I am feeling very empowered , encouraged and excited about our wood stove , and our efforts to conserve oil and save money . We keep our digital thermostats set at 60 degrees . In the morning , I start a fire in the stove and slowly get the temperature up . If I 'm really struggling to get things going - or it 's especially cold outside and drafty inside , I 'll turn the heat up to get the house in the 66 - 68 degree range and give the wood stove a head start . ( After the temperature is reached , the thermostat automatically kicks back to 60 degrees . ) But , normally , the wood stove does all of the work . That means it 's very possible that the house is 60 - 64 degrees for long periods of time where the wood stove is getting started . ( As I 'm typing this the thermostat reads 62 degrees . ) For those of you who know me , this is amazing ! Back in my single , carefree , ignorant days , my temperature setting of choice was 72 degrees ! Yes , indeed . The thing is , I am actually getting kind of used to it . Now , if we weren 't saving money out of the deal and reducing our dependence on foreign oil , I 'd be back up to 68 - 70 in a heart beat . The boys often say " I 'm coooolllllldddd ! " aPosted by Jeff is my old ( as in , the past , not old as in ancient - - although you are older Jeff ! ) housemate . He has this hard core chili book that implores you to apprehend specialized Mexican herbs , and cooks everything the " long way " ( rather than the most efficient ) - - however , the results of all of the recipes we 've all tried are fabulous . Back in our young single days , whenever we 'd have a big crowd over - - Jeff would make 2 vats of chili . One of the favorite stand - by 's was the 3 Bean Vegetarian Chili . " 3 Bean " to me doesn 't do this chili justice in a name - - trust me , it 's splendid . After making it for my crowd of 11 on Thursday , everyone wanted the recipe . Here is a less labor intensive version that 's not quite so hard core . I think Jeffrey will approve . 3 Bean Vegetarian ChiliIngredients : ( As you can see in the picture , I also added a chopped zucchini because I had one on hand . The picture was taken before all of the veggies were cooked . Sometimes this chili can get a little thick . Feel free to add water to get the consistency you prefer . ) 3 / 4 C medium or coarse Bulgar1 C orange juice ( I didn 't have any , so I used cider ) 1 / 3 C olive oil2 large onions , chopped8 garlic cloves , minced1 / 3 C chili powder3 T ground cumin3 T dried oregano1 1 / 2 T dried thyme1 / 4 t cayenne pepper ( the recipe calls for 1 - 2 t , but that gets really hot - - and I love spice ! ) 1 / 4 t ground cinnamon1 T salt1 can ( 35 oz ) plum tomatoes w / juice ( whole or diced or crushed - - last time I used diced and crushed b / c that 's what I had - frankly , I liked that combo best ) 3 C water ( the recipe calls for chicken broth , but it 's not necessary and I wanted to make it totally vegetarian - - you couldn 't notice any difference ) 2 large sweet red peppers - 1 / 2 " dice1 / 2 lb . french cut frozen green beans * * Note * * don 't worry about the exact amount of veggies . If your package is 16 oz . , just use the whole thing ! Add more of your favorite things , less of your " not as favorite " . It 's all good . 1 pkg . ( 10 oz . ) corn kernels1 can ( 16 oz . ) dark red kidney beans - rinsed and drained Sandy That 's P . A . L . S . Pam , Amy , Linda and Sandy . We should have sat in order , but we didn 't . What can I say , it was the end of the night ! From left to right : Linda , Amy , Sandy and Pam . Sitting here on this couch is an incredible group of ladies and a testimony to what God can do . You see , about 9 years ago , all four of us were in the middle of the ugly awful thing called divorce . Our spouses had been unfaithful , battled all kinds of addictions , and were abusive physically , verbally or emotionally . We banded together through the most difficult time in our lives , praying for each other , listening to each other , building each other up , and supporting each other - - like in the Old Testament when Moses arms were tired and Aaron and Hur held his arms up , we held each other up through the valleys . Every Friday night we would all gather at my house - - the deal was , I would cook for them and they would clean up after me . ( A cooks dream come true ! ) We were bound together like only God and trials can bind . . Now , 9 years later , we have all been through counseling , dealt with our past and with God 's help come out whole . Three out of four of us are remarried to wonderful , supportive , kind hearted , faithful men . And Amy , who was a little hesitant to embark again into this sometimes scary and uncertain journey called marriage , is finally open to the idea . And after being with all of us and our wonderful men on Thursday night is even embracing the possibility ! God is Good . . Now we are dispersed over Missouri , Massachusetts , Northern Rhode Island and Southern Rhode Island , so we are rarely all together in one place . Joy ! From left to right : Victor , Pam 's children Aimee , Allegra , Zackery ; Amy , Benjamin , Ken , Linda , Pam , Kevin . . . and the back of Ripley 's head . We ate Vegetarian Chili ( recipe forthcoming ) and Chicken Soup , with Strawberry Spinach Salad , Gorgeous Bread and rich conversation . It was such a joy to see you all ! A quick word about divorce . If any of you are considering divorce , let me be sure and tell you that it is a horrible thiPosted by Here is yesterday 's breakfast . I 'm not a huge breakfast eater , but yesterday I splurged and had what Ripley has been having for days . Banana Bread with Homemade Strawberry Jam . Wow . I made two different versions of strawberry jam last summer . This one is by far my favorite . As usual , it 's a combination of two recipes . Spring is on it 's way , so I 'll give you the recipe in preparation ( and hope ) for warmer days ahead : Strawberry Jam7 pounds strawberries , hulled8 cups sugar1 lemon , zest and juice1 1 / 2 T balsamic vinegarPut all ingredient in a large pan . Bring to a boil for about 5 - 8 minutes until you have reached the setting point . Put into sterilized jars . Yum . Yum . Yum . I 've been doing a lot of cleaning and prepping because I 'm having 11 people over for dinner tonight ! Ripley has been helping me out dusting with the duster , vacuuming , washing out sinks , etc . When I was stopping for lunch ( he had already had his hours before ) he exclaimed , " We never have tea parties . Can we have one ? " I have to admit , the last time we had a formal tea party was about a year ago , but generally it 's not a popular request . So , in my effort to practice patience ( which I think in large part is produced by understanding , compassion , and realistic expectations ) we sat down and had tea . Ripley had orange spice tea and I had green after eating my kale soup and whole wheat bread . Ripley invited two " friends " as you can see on the couch . They are facing left because they were watching as I read This is London , by M . Sasek . Our miniature schnauzer " Church " ( don 't ask ) has taken up residence by the fire , permanently . He loves the new wood stove . Posted by
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I hit the 25 , 000 - word halfway point for Breezeway Blows Town today . I hit the 25K mark , rolled right over it , and kept going for another full day 's worth of words . I 'm going to need that cushion this week ; things are going to be busy at work . My total word count for the weekend was 5 , 300 . I made up my deficit and got just a little ahead on Saturday , calling it quits for the evening at 23 , 733 . Today I wrote just over 3000 words , my highest single - day word count for the month , and probably my highest fiction word count for 2009 . I am definitely starting to feel the lack of physical activity . Between my lunchtime writing and staying up too late writing to have the energy to get up in time for a pre - work run , I haven 't been exercising nearly as much as I 'm used to , or as I 'd like . I 've been going with the kids to taekwondo on Saturday mornings , and this week I managed one short morning run on Wednesday and a slow 5 . 64 mile run - ok , jog - this morning , but that just isn 't enough . A few weeks ago a bought a couple different decks of FitDeck cards , and brought the set for bodyweight exercises down into the study . Each card has a different exercise you can do , pretty much on the floor wherever you are , for about a minute without any equipment . I flipped over a new card every 500 - 1000 words and did whatever exercise turned up ( except for any that required more room than I have available in the study ) . It kept me a little sharper and got me up from the keyboard and moving . It seems silly to even comment about 3 - 4 minutes of extra exercise each day , but during NaNoWriMo , with all of the extra time spent in front of the computer , I think it makes a difference . At least , I 'm pretending it does . I also abandoned the Siren to the kids - both of them cranky and not feeling so hot - more than I should have . She 's been incredibly supportive the last two weeks , and probably deserved better than for me to spend most of the afternoon in the study with the door closed and noise cancelling headphones on . I should bring her some chocolate . NaNoWriMo inspiration : I 've been listening to a lot of Dead Robots ' Society lately , catching up on back episodes . DRS is a podcast by three ( usually ) writers who are farther along than I am - they 've each completed multiple novels , at least one has podcast it , they 've had short stories published - but have not been published commercially yet . They 're an interesting group , and while I haven 't been interested in every episode I 've started , I finish far more of them than I drop . I don 't know if any of the hosts are specifically doing NaNoWriMo , but they talk about the same issues all of us WriMos struggle with every day in November ( and hopefully most of the rest of the year ) . They don 't always make it , but these guys are shooting to accomplish something approaching NaNo every month . Well worth a listen . I 'm not much for video podcasts , because I usually listen to podcasts during interstitial time , like walking to the train station or driving alone from point A to point B . Those are not good times to watch videos . When I 'm not in motion , I 'd generally rather do something other than watch videos on my laptop ( if I had time for video podcasts , I could watch TV , too ) . But there are a couple that I 'll make an exception for , because they 're short and generally pretty interesting . Author , podcaster , and former pro wrestler Matt Wallace has put out 10 episodes of his " Kill the Feed " video blog message to the nation , the world , and the legion so far ; he seems to be on a brief hiatus , but I 'd lay good odds he 'll be back soon . He starts with a healthy rant about something that 's gotten under his skin , then talks about his writing , generally all in less than 10 minutes . His short fiction has been podcast all over the net , and his short story collection , The Next Fix , is available for the Kindle . I read The Next Fix a little while ago , and if you like your fiction dark and bloody , you need to check it out . Podcasting pioneer , novelist , and geek fu master Mur Lafferty 's I Should Be Writing podcast is a regular source of inspiration . Lately , she 's taken to adding short videos to her ISBW feed , which are a nice addition to the regular format . They 're short and funny , and supplement - rather than replace - the usual ISBW audio episodes . ( FYI - if you 're a fan of Mur 's Heaven series , she started podcasting the final chapter , War , just last week in her main feed . The first episode is very promising . ) Back in the realm of audio , I recently came across Tee Morris 's The Survival Guide to Writing Fantasy , which seems to be on a bit of a break . The most recent episode is from Jan . 2009 , but was a terrific interview with Scott Sigler about how he wrote Contagious in five months at the same time that he was going through a couple of personal tragedies . I 'm looking forward to catching up on the older episodes . Author J . C . Hutchins has his first novel in print coming out tomorrow - Personal Effects : Dark Arts ( and yes , I preordered my copy and will be eagerly awaiting my little box of horrors from Amazon ) - and has two separate podcasts promoting it . In Hey Everybody ! , Hutch updates us about how his promotion efforts are going and what else is going on in the world of Hutch , and usually has an interesting interview with another author or artist . He 's also podcasting Personal Effects : Sword of Blood , a novella that 's a prequel to PE : DA , which is , let me tell you , pretty damn suspenseful . Dan Carlin puts out the fantastic Hardcore History podcast every month or so , giving us an in - depth essay ( usually 45 minutes to an hour ) on a wide variety of people and events . I recently came across his bi - weekly Common Sense podcast , on politics and current events . Show 151 , about the decline of print media , I thought was particularly insightful compared to most of the discussion of the issue on the net ( or in the dead - tree press , for that matter ) . Unfortunately , I often find myself agreeing with Dan , which makes it hard for me to say convincingly that the podcast is interesting and entertaining whether you agree with him or not , but it is , or at least it should be . He 's a bright , well - informed guy , and I hope his audience continues to grow . That 's all I 've got for tonight . I hope you find some of these podcasts interesting . I 'll probably do this again in another month or so , when I get bored talking about myself again . But I like promoting the podcasts I listen to - I hardly ever listen to live commercial radio , and I want to spread the word about all of the good stuff that 's out there . Also , it makes me feel like one of the cool kids in the social media space , or at least one of the kids who occasionally gets to hang with the cool kids . So I 'm going to do a separate post from time to time , linking to whatever I 've been listening to lately . It might not be every week , and it might not include everything I listen to ( some weeks I listen to a lot of podcasts ) , but I 'll do my best . If you 're not interested in podcasts , just skip it and I promise in my next post I 'll complain about not having enough time to run , write , spend with my wife & kids , or get my work done . I can 't remember exactly how John Mierau and I ended up following each other on Twitter - perhaps through the Absolute Write group - but after he made a crack about lawyers I checked out his podcast Serving Worlds . ( Note : making unpleasant generalizations about my profession is not normally a good way to get me to listen to your podcast . Yes , many lawyers are assholes . I am often one of them . ) In Serving Worlds , John reads his own short stories . I 've listened to one story ( three episodes ) all the way through , and I 'm three episodes in to another . His stuff is good . Check him out . The first episodes of the stories I 've heard so far are : I am probably the last podcast listener interested in science fiction to subscribe to StarShip Sofa , so I 'm sure you already know all about it . I 've only just started listening , but it has more of a " magazine " feel than Escape Pod does , with a combination of some or all of editorial , reviews , poetry , and fiction in each episode of its Aural Delights . If you don 't already subscribe to Aural Delights and want to give it a try , I enjoyed this episode just today : Speaking of Escape Pod , it seems to be back on track , with founder and Escape Artist in Chief Steve Eley having delegated some of the responsibility for getting the show out to new managing editor Jeremiah Tolbert . Escape Pod is working through what must have been a truly epic backlog of flash fiction - they pushed out a lot of it in January , and have sent more out on the feed in the last couple of weeks , which reminds me that I have a flash piece I 've been meaning to submit . EP is also in the process of publishing all of the Hugo nominees for short story . I recently listened to , and enjoyed : On Writing : I did more on the revision of Meet the Larssons on Friday on the train , and then in a solid 90 - minute block on Saturday afternoon . I 'm continuing the manuscript slog to a point ; where a scene is still usable , I 'll mark it up as I go , but I 'm not writing new scenes at this point , just making notes and moving on . The goal is to get through the rest of the manuscript so that I can see what is salvageable , what needs to be moved , and what needs to be written from scratch . Also , on Saturday I tried Write or Die for the first time , and had a wonderful time . As the sidebar widget says , I wrote 305 words in 10 minutes , and only had to listen to the horrible penalty sound one time for pausing ( and that was a deliberate test ) . Highly recommended . On Running : A beautiful , sunny day for a run . I did 10 miles in a leisurely 90 minutes , my first outdoor 10 - miler in God knows how long , in shorts and a sleeveless top , no less . The temperature dropped 10 - 15 degrees as I approached the lakefront , though , and by the time I got to Lake Shore Drive I was glad to turn around . On the iPod : During my run today , I listened to an Episode 27 of XFM 's series " Writers on Writing , " an interview with Amy Tan . It was interesting enough , I guess , but was almost entirely a discussion of Tan 's childhood and how it related to the characters in The Joy Luck Club . The show itself seems to be misnamed , however , since there was no discussion at all about writing . This was the first episode I 've tried ; I also downloaded Episode 7 , with cyberpunk author William Gibson , and will listen to that next to give it another shot . Also on the iPod this week : Dan Carlin 's Hardcore History Show 25 ( The Dyer Outlook ) ; NPR Planet Money # 20 ( Not So Toxic ? ) ; I Should Be Writing # 113 ( Paul Malmont and Brett Savory interviews ) ; Escape Pod # 191 ( " This Is How It Feels , " by Ian Creasey ) ; and Phedippidations # 178 ( All in Stride ) . So there you have it : I get longer runs , you get more links to podcasty goodness . Attentive readers may remember from post # 200 a month ago that the Green - Eyed Siren and I have not been out to dinner , just the two of us , in a long time . Thanks in no small part to your many suggestions in the comments , we went out last night and had a terrific time . We found a French restaurant we 'd never been to in a neighborhood where we used to hang out ( back in the last millennium ) . There was a wait for a table , but they took my cell number and we walked over to a nearby bookstore / wine bar and spent a happy hour talking , drinking , and picking out books . Funny but true : without knowing it until we got there , we walked into the store intending to look for the same book , Jasper Fforde 's The Eyre Affair . The Siren had seen an extended review of it on Necromancy Never Pays , and I had heard about it during the last meeting of the novelists ' support discussion group . By itself the hour at the bookstore would have been the best night out we 'd had in a while , but we were very glad to go to dinner . The food was great , the company and conversation was better . And it was nice to see that all of the restaurants in the area were crowded - maybe the economy isn 't in total collapse yet . We figured out that the last time we could remember going out to dinner alone was the night before Mother 's Day , 2006 . It 's possible that there was one time after that , but we couldn 't place it . Certainly not in 2008 ( let alone 2009 ) . Thanks again to those of you who suggested " research " for the dinner date scene in Meet the Larssons . I still think having the date canceled was the right thing for the story , but at least I could write it now if I needed to . It would be better , however , to have more data . One night out is a pretty small sample … On Writing : Putting aside mouthing off to the Siren about Project Hometown last night at dinner to keep her laughing ( although I didn 't think the mugging scene was that funny , may need to rethink it ) , I didn 't get much done this week . It may have been a short week , but it was a busy one at The Firm . I finished a chapter in the manuscript slog through Meet the Larssons , and I 've outlined the first six scenes of Project Hometown . As Randy Ingermanson describes it in Step 8 of the Snowflake Method , the scene by scene outline is best done in a spreadsheet , which is how I 'm doing it . Randy recommends just two columns : one to identify the point - of - view character , and one to describe the action . I have columns for POV character , the characters involved in the scene , the location , the time , a description of the action , and finally , any interesting character development or reveals . Of the six scenes I 've outlined so far , two are not described at all in the five page outline I drafted at the beginning of January . That will happen more as I get deeper into the outline , but it was a fun surprise to see things I hadn 't thought about before come out so early on . I haven 't gotten any work on either novel done today ( just this nearly 1200 word blog post , which should probably tell me something ) , but I may be able to work on one or the other this evening , if I can stay awake . On Running : A not - very - long long run today , just a little over five miles in 42 minutes ( 8 : 18m / m pace ) on the treadmill at home , due to a late start . In 5 weeks , I need to knock nearly 7 minutes off that distance for the Shamrock Shuffle ( time last year around 35 : 50 ) . I think I can do that , but I 'll have to start speed work this week . I haven 't been able to get to the gym at all - I really need to get a little weightlifting in every week if I 'm going to keep my weight down - but I managed a couple of good weekday runs despite not nearly enough sleep , both on the treadmill . We did make it to Taekwondo yesterday , and Unfocused Girl broke a board with an elbow strike on her first try . Junior wasn 't able to break his , but he 's still little and hasn 't been practicing that long . He 's motivated now , though . On the iPod : For the treadmill runs , I 've been watching Battlestar Galactica ( Season 2 - I 'm way behind , so please don 't post any spoilers ! ) on my laptop . The Siren bought something called a SurfShelf , which fits over the treadmill control panel and lets you secure your laptop with a good view of the screen and easy access to the keyboard . Obviously I 'm not going to type while I run , but it 's great for watching videos ( and occasionally reading blog comments ) as the miles go by . In other news , I twisted my own arm hard enough that I finally cracked and bought an iPhone . Yes , I love it . I will probably by a Shuffle for running , but the phone has allowed me to start listening to podcasts again while I walk to and from the train , or while I 'm driving . This week , I started to catch up , and listened to : I Should Be Writing , Special Episode # 42 ( James Patrick Kelly interviews Kim Stanley Robinson ) - I didn 't finish this episode , because I was listening in the car and the sound quality wasn 't quite strong enough to overcome the engine noise ( Kelly 's questions were fine , but I kept missing Robinson 's answers ) so I 'll have to finish it today ; Grammar Girl # 156 ( What Is the Plural of Scissors ? ) and # 157 ( When to Use a Comma with " Too " ) ; Writing Excuses , Season 2 , Episode 18 ( World Building Governments ) and Episode 19 ( Do Creative Writing Classes Help ? ) ; and various episodes of NPR 's Planet Money . Auria Cortes from the blog Murder She Wrote recommended the Writers on Writing podcast . Intending to give it a try , I looked on iTunes , found a podcast called " Writers on Writing , " and downloaded a couple of episodes ( interviews of Amy Tan and William Gibson ) . I 'll let you know how I like them , but the iTunes feed for this XM Radio - produced podcast only goes up to Oct . 30 , 2008 . AC 's recommendation didn 't sound like she was talking about a discontinued podcast , so I checked the interwebs and found another podcast called " Writers on Writing , " which looks like it comes out three times a week and has for a while . On iTunes , though , it 's called " Pen on Fire , " probably because of the other podcast . So there you have it , two writerific podcasts for the price of one . I 'll listen to them both and let you know what I think . DATELINE : Sunday , February 15 , 2008 . I started this post on Sunday but didn 't finish it until Monday . I am too lazy to go back and correct all of the " yesterdays " and so on , so please read it as if I posted it on Sunday . I spent so much of the last twee days tweeting on Twitter ( tworry , it twounds twike I twave a tweech imtweadement ) that sitting down to write a longish blog post seems like an impossible task . Like writing a novel . And like writing a novel , the only way to finish is to start ( I 'm feeling profound tonight ) . Let 's get to the stats . On Writing : This week , I did all the things that writers do that aren 't writing . I talked about writing . I listened to other people talk about writing . I talked about talking about writing . I even made some notes about ideas I had for my writing . I did not , however , do any writing , except for 171 words of flash fiction for a contest held during the Association of Writers and Writing Programs 2009 Conference , which I attended . I didn 't win the contest ( I told the story of a successful bank robbery from the point of view of the robber in the form of a series of Twitter tweets ; can 't imagine why I didn 't win ) . AWP 2009 was a very interesting experience . Because it isn 't just a conference for writers but also for people who teach writing , there were a lot of academics , and a lot of the panels were directed towards teachers instead of writers . If the conference hadn 't been here in town , I might not have gone . I 'm glad I did , though . First , I was able to hang out with a couple of friends who I haven 't seen since the early 1990s - one a successful author , and the other with her first book coming out soon . I 'll post a link when it comes out . I got to know some of the people in my novelists ' discussion group a little better , which was nice ; they 're a fun group . I even managed to overcome my usual shyness and reticence and talk to a few new people at one of the receptions and at the book fair . I got into a couple of conversations with literary criticism PhDs that I frankly didn 't understand - I wouldn 't be concerned about that , but one of the conversations involved some kind of deconstruction of The Simpsons , and I still didn 't get it . So I walked away and drank with a trio of writers who teach at a community college in Minneapolis - they were a lot more accessible . One of them looked just like Cory Doctorow . In any case , everyone was friendly . The panels on writing were interesting overall . About 2 / 3 of the panels were either about teaching writing or literary criticism , and another significant chunk were readings by or tributes to authors I had never heard of , which made it pretty easy to choose what to attend . On Thursday and Friday , I went to interesting discussions about writing first novels , writing about Chicago neighborhoods , mining your experiences for fiction material , writing historical fiction . Two of the panels I wanted to attend ( publishing your first book and writing flash fiction ) were so popular people were sitting in the hallway hoping to hear some precious , precious wisdom through the open doors . In each case , I decided I wasn 't that desperate for advice and got more coffee or hunted around the exhibitor tables looking for candy ( there was a lot of candy ) . I was sorry I skipped the panel on " Shameless Self - Promotion " - mostly intended to discuss internet and social media strategies - if only for the Q & A period , in which ( I am told ) every single " questioner " got up and spouted his or her elevator pitch before asking an obviously irrelevant question . Everyone I spoke with who attended thought this was hugely annoying , but who did they expect would attend a panel on shameless self - promotion other than shameless self - promoters ? Friday night I mooched free drinks at the University of Utah reception and went to the " Literary Rock & Roll " readings by Z . Z . Packer , Joe Meno , and Dorothy Allison . I am embarrassed to admit that I 'd never heard of any of them , because I am ridiculously under - read . Allison , author of Bastard Out of South Carolina , was up last , clearly the headliner . She read a short story called " Frog Fucking . " I 'm not going to describe the story - assuming I even could - except to say that I don 't know that I will ever look at baby carrots the same way again . It isn 't about intercourse with amphibians . She said up front that she liked the name of the event because she always wanted to be Janis Joplin , and she read like I imagine Janis would , in a throaty growl with a heavy southern twang . I wanted to bring her a bottle of Jim Beam . Packer and Meno were great , too . Saturday was the best of the three . I started off with a panel called " Truth or Consequences in Nonrealist Fiction , " which included multiple references to Swedish vampire movie Let the Right One In , which has already been recommended to me , as well as an extended discussion of the writing of Samuel R . Delaney . I bushwacked my way through The Einstein Intersection when I was 13 , hated it , and have avoided his books ever since ; I may give them another try . After lunch and wandering the book fair , looking for free copies of literary journals , I went to " Writing in the Windy City : Local Writers Reflect on Making It in Chicago . " The panel included the director of StoryStudio Chicago , where I go for my novelists ' support discussion group . It was an interesting discussion - I especially enjoyed the professor from an MFA program at an art school railing on MFA programs attached to English departments . Toward the end , during the Q & A , there was a discussion about making room for your creative work ; I 'm not sure exactly what prompted the comment , but a woman near the back raised her hand , stood up , and said something like , " I was a visual artist , had an idea for a book , wrote the novel . Four million copies sold worldwide . Do whatever you want . " Then she sat down . Later , someone told me that she was Audrey Niffenegger , author of The Time Traveler 's Wife . So there you go . Next was " The Steady Gaze : Writing Frankly about Sex and Sexuality in Fiction . " During the Friday night readings , Joe Meno read immediately before Dorothy Allison 's " Frog Fucking . " There was a sex scene in his story , and it went something like this : " She took off her yellow tights , and then we did it . Afterwards … " My immediate reaction was that I would write a sex scene in pretty much the same way , so I went to " The Steady Gaze " to push my writerly boundaries . Well , mostly not . You will be shocked to learn that the panel , held in a large ballroom , was full . It was interesting , and stretched my boundaries a little , but I suspect that I will still write sex scenes more like Joe Meno than Dorothy Allison . After that , where else could I go but " Then She Lit a Cigarette : Strategies for Rethinking the Fictional Gesture " ? The point of this was that writers have characters light cigarettes when the author can 't think of anything else , and this type of stage business doesn 't advance the story or tell the reader anything interesting about the character . The take - away : When you describe gestures , you should make them count . Richard Bausch was one of the panelists - his readings were terrific , I 'm ordering one of his books today - but his off the cuff comments were absolutely hysterical . That was the end of the conference for me . I do want to mention two interesting conversations I had Friday night , that may help me rethink some of my writing . When I was talking to the writing teachers from Minnesota , I described " Jimmies " to them . One of the Minnesotans said it sounded like what I was writing was " slipstream , " or " the new fabulism . " Since these categories are at the boundary of literary and genre fiction , it 's possible that I should try submitting to some of the literary journals that are interested in slipstream instead of the science fiction and fantasy outlets I 've tried so far . Later that night , I had dinner with that college friend with her first book coming out soon ( well , I had dinner - it was 10 : 30 , she 'd eaten hours earlier and was just keeping me company ) . I described Project Hometown , the novel I 've been outlining off and on the last couple of months , and she suggested that it sounded like a young adult novel . I thought there was too much adult material in it for it to be YA , and she said that really anything can be addressed in YA these days . Since she 's a YA writer herself , I took that comment seriously , but also with a grain of salt , until I went to the panel on writing sex scenes and heard one of the authors on the panel read the sex scene from his successful YA novel . So maybe it will be YA ; it 's something I have to consider , at least . On the iPod : I don 't have an iPod anymore . It 's broken . * Sob * I need to get a new one . I have , however , purchased the entire second season of Battlestar Galactica from iTunes to watch on my laptop during my treadmill runs . … because I 'm an effete liberal snob . Actually , I 've enjoyed the game a lot more in the last couple of years since we got the HDTV ; I do love the Super Bowl ads , though . I 'm very curious to see how they change this year , considering our current high - speed train trip to economic armageddon . If I had to pick a team , I 'd root for the Steelers . First , all of America is Pittsburgh now , given the economy . On Writing : Not much accomplished this week , due to massive amounts of work for my day ( and night ) job . I got a few pages further on the revisions of Meet the Larssons , up to page 208 . " Jimmies " was rejected not once but twice - one market had it for six weeks , the second for less than 24 hours ( love the markets with the fast turnaround ) - and is now back out on submission again . I try not to get too wrapped up in the short story submissions ; it 's a cold cruel world out there , and editors of even small webzines receive far more manuscripts than they could ever accept , no matter how good they are . Still , I 'm particularly fond of " Jimmies , " and I think it 's the best short story I 've written so far . More than anything else , I feel like it deserves a home . I suppose I could just post it here , but that will be my last resort . I also made the mistake of typing out a 1200 - word summary of a post - apocolyptic science fiction novel . I 've put a lot of effort into outlining Project Hometown , and expect that to be my next novel when I get further on the revisions to MTL , but this other one - I 'll call it Project Werewolf , even though it isn 't about werewolves - looks like fun . It 's the shiny new object . Pretty . On Running : Today it was warm enough to run outside , which was wonderful ( even though my winter running gear doesn 't fit quite as well as it did this time last year ) . I took it slowly because of the ice that was still on the ground , but still managed 7 . 12 miles in 64 minutes ( 8 : 59 m / m ) - not what I 'd like to do , not even what I 've been doing on the treadmill lately , but reasonable for my first run outside in over a month , especially considering the ice , stoplights , etc . My mileage for last week was just over 20 miles , which is where I want it to be regularly , at least until half - marathon season . Two of my mid - week runs were in San Diego along the harbor , which beats staring out the window on the treadmill hands down . All in all , a pretty good running week . On the iPod : I 'm still working my way through Scott Sigler 's Ancestor - just two episodes left . I picked up Infected at the bookstore this week , figuring Scott 's given me enough free entertainment . I haven 't listened to much in the way of other podcasts this week while I 'm listening to the audiobook . I have noticed that I haven 't received a new episode of Escape Pod in my iTunes feed since January 9 . Usually the editor / host , Steve Eley , puts out a new episode every week , and based on the download numbers in his last metacast , EP has the second or third largest circulation of any science fiction magazine ( including print ) . There 's no information on the website about a hiatus , and several of the pages are disabled , including the forums . Steve took a hiatus last fall , and gave advance notice in the feed . Since there wasn 't any mention in the last episode and there 's nothing on the site , I assume this wasn 't planned , and I hope he 's all right . All other work on this site , including , but not limited to , all photographs , as well as text and other content in my posts on other pages ( such as the pages titled About Unfocused Me and Fiction ) and comments posted by others , are subject to copyright and all rights are reserved by the author . With respect to comments , however , I reserve the right to modify or delete any comment posted on this blog , and by posting here you give me a license to do so . Sorry for the complicated legal notice . What can I say ? I 'm an attorney . If we wrote these things to be simple , we 'd all be out of work .
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Tag : cowgirl Posted on March 22 , 2016March 22 , 2016Time flies when you 're having fun ! Apparently it 's been two years since I 've posted on my blog . How horrifying . I thank my loyal followers for still hanging around , and I 'm pleased that people still drop by daily to encourage me . A lot has happened in these two years . I 've driven tractors for harvest season on one of the southern - most towns of Western Australia , driven road trains and had a ball . I 've loved and lost love , lived and witnessed too much loss of life . I am excited to announce that I have landed a job overseeing a cattle station in the Pilbara region of Australia with my bloke Ben . Almost a quarter of a million acres of desert located on the beach . Does that sound like paradise to you ? It is . If you count the 50 billion flies and 2 snakes who live in the cutlery drawer in our 120yr old stone house . Driving a road train home from up north . Chaser bin driving for harvest season . Camping in a gorge in Red Dog country . Posted on June 20 , 2014July 11 , 2014Save a Horse , Ride a Mechanical Bull ? Howdy folks ! It seems like the majority of my posts are apologising for not posting often . Once again - I 'm sorry . I promise I 'll make it up to you though ! Life is crazy in the Pilbara . I 've now been here for 4 months and am loving it . It 's certainly an adjustment , but I do not regret coming over one little bit . A lot of people who live here are from the city and just come for the work . I often hear complaints on how it is so remote and has little to offer in the way of shops . However , to me it 's the big smoke ! The last place I lived in had one pub and a post office / general store . What could be better than swimming , snorkelling and fishing in crystal clear waters , adventuring by 4wd to remote gorges and exploring this rugged countryside ? I am a lucky girl ! A couple of weeks ago there was a ' rodeo ' themed night at one of the pubs around here . They had been advertising it for weeks , saying that everyone was going to dress up and that there was a mechanical bull going to be there . I thought " You beauty ! I get to wear normal clothes again ! " I pulled on my favourite Ariat boots , my ' good ' wrangler shirt , my silver buckled belt and donned my dirty old Akubra - which has oil stains on it from hitting my head in the cattle yards so many times . However , I figured this wasn 't exactly a country town , so I wore some shorts to jazz things up . I walked into the pub . A hundred faces turned to stare at me - the only one dressed up . Here was Jess in her boots and hat , sticking out like a sore thumb , among the other women with their coiffed hair and heels . Not even the bar staff were dressed up ! Lesser cowgirls would 've turned around and gone home , but I saw this as a challenge ! The few country people that were there came up to me for a chat . The most notable was a bull rider ( who commended me on my mechanical bull riding , I must add ) , and a man in an RM Williams shirt with a very impressive mullet ! Posted on January 20 , 2014June 19 , 2017An Aussie Weekend There 's not too many more Australian pastimes than exploring our beautiful country by 4wd . Every weekend , there is a trail fourbies ( as we call them in Aus ! ) heading off into the parks and beaches in my region . This weekend it was Bean ( of Adventures Of A Bean ) and I , in ' Heidi ' , my blue Holden Rodeo - heading for Conondale National Park . Conondale National Park is 35 , 500 hectares , which is over 87 , 700 acres , and near Kenilworth Qld . I would definitely recommend you visit there if you are in the area ! Specifically , we were heading for Booloumba Falls , which is an amazing set of waterfalls and gorgeous gorges winding their way through the park . Despite the drought , the falls were still flowing well and the water was clear and cold . I have tried several times to get to the falls , but the track can be cut when it rains due to landslides . The track is for 4wd 's only as it steep and very rough in spots . Driving through the park is great fun though , and you can see and hear the wildlife as we go . The place was filled with the songs of Bell Birds , and you 'd often see a Goanna or Lace Monitor scuttle through the leaf litter . Conondale National Park . Our new home . The ' Bread Knife ' rock formation , and the pool we climbed down to . One of MANY waterfalls . It was a careful climb down . Bean peruses our swimming hole . Although very clear , the pool was too deep to see the bottom . From the other side of the pool We used this waterfall as a slide , was great fun ! The largest swimming hole accessable . On our way back up the creeks . Posted on January 14 , 2014Crikey , that 's a big one ! After feeding all the animals on the farm one afternoon recently , Jackaroo called me over to the pigeon cage . I looked inside and saw a big python curled up , with a suspiciously fat stomach . I quickly ran inside to get an old pillow case which we could use to put the snake in . Jackaroo could tell that it was a boy by the pattern on his scales . Since he was such a beautiful snake , and not overly poisonous , we decided to relocate it . It took a long time to get him out of the cage as he had barricaded himself between the roof and the chicken wire . He snapped at us as we tried to pull him out from his hiding spot . Since he had eaten one of our pigeons , though , he found it quite hard to get away - his stomach was just too round . Unfortunately , when snakes are stressed , their bowels are too … and therefore our noses . Man , snakes are putrid ! I have attached a photo of me releasing the snake about 10 minutes down the road . You can see I 'm trying to hold it away from my body so I didn 't get covered in his poo , as he was trying to wrap around my arm . He was about 6ft long , which is a fair size , but this species can grow over 10ft long ! Posted on November 26 , 2013Foaly Moley ! This year , we only have had 3 Australian Stock Horse foals born on the property . It 's definitely quality over quantity though , they are beautiful . First born was a flashy chestnut colt with a big baldy face ( lots of white ) and 3 white socks who we named Coolrdige Kidman - after a famous Australian cattle baron . Next , a lovely little bay filly with a bucket load of attitude named CoolridgeIn case anyone is interested in Australian Stock Horses , and follows their breeding , all three are by Kooloombah Confidence , a very handsome red dun stallion . Confidence , and all of the mares are bred to Campdraft , which is an Australian horse sport with cattle , where you must first cut out a beast in the ' camp ' , then take it out into the arena and bend it around two posts and through a gate . These foals all have great breeding and we are looking forward to seeing their natural ability under saddle . I 'm currently in the process of building a website for our horses and will have it finished in the coming months . Once breeding season is over I 'll have more time to get things happening . Have a look at the photos attached , aren 't they just beautiful ? I love coming home and watching the foals playing in the cool twilight . Enjoy the photos - I 'd be jealous if I were you … Coolridge Khaleesi and I Coolrdige Kidman Coolridge Khaleesi Coolridge Karijini What a hard life ! Posted on October 18 , 2013November 27 , 2013Bridge Over Untroubled Waters All is well on the stock route , Jackaroo sent me these photos last night . They 're currently stuck in a stock reserve for a couple of days while , one again , mobs ahead sort themselves up . Normally you have to move 10kms per day along the stock route , so a stock reserve is a designated area where you can rest your cattle for a day or two . It has water there , but no cattle yards there . This one that they are in at the moment , is fenced on two sides , with a road and the river as a natural boundary . The cattle moved really well over the bridges apparently . As you can see in the first photo , when working cattle , you push smaller sections at a time rather than try to push the whole mob at once . If you are trying to guide more than a handful of cattle into yards or over a bridge , pushing the whole mob won 't work as you don 't have control over the front . The front could head off to one side or plant themselves in one spot , sending the middle of the mob back around you . It 's hard to explain , but there really is an art to working cattle - it can be tough ! Posted on October 17 , 2013November 27 , 2013Latest pics from the stock route . I have got a couple more pics to show you ! Jackaroo sent these yesterday . Storm got himself lost the other day and spent the night at the yards , back up the trail a little bit . Luckily , Jackaroo found him the next day . He had few stories to tell , it 's been pretty slow going so far . However , he did mention how stupid some people can be around mobs of cattle and horses on the road . Any horse rider will know , if you 've ridden on the road , some people just don 't understand how dangerous it is when they screech past you , or slam on their brakes just before they get to you . Make sure you take it easy on the road with horses and cattle . For your safety , and for the riders . On a positive note though , Jackaroo was telling me that some older man drove up to them when they were stopped onto the side of the road and offered him a Country Life newspaper . Unfortunately , Jackaroo was on a young horse and it mightn 't have ended well if he opened the newspaper up while riding him ! Still , it 's nice to see that there 's good people out there . Posted on October 14 , 2013October 14 , 2013While the Jack 's Away , the Jill Will Play Yesterday was a beautiful day , the weather was perfect . A friend and I , her name is Jess too , went for a swim with a couple of horses in the river . It was great fun swimming with the horses and jumping from their backs . I 'm a lucky girl to live in an area with such a beautiful natural environment . After we went for a swim we prepared lunch . We had brought a small bbq down to the river with the intention of cooking up a nice bit of steak for lunch . However , since we forgot a lighter and cannot start a fire with sticks , that didn 't quite work out ! We ended up just eating ' rabbit food ' and a couple of neenish tarts yum yum ! This is the perfect time of year ! Cadet relaxing while we eat lunch . Another Jillaroo named Jess . Beautiful part of the world . Good ponies . Cadet and Rainy . Steady . . Steady . . Posted on September 9 , 2013November 27 , 2013Love and Loss on the Land Everybody knows that as rewarding as life on the land is , you have to deal with death more often than folks in the city . Whether a dog gets trampled while working cattle , or a horse breaks a leg , there is always a chance something will go wrong . It is a year ago this month that I lost two of the most loved animals I 've ever had - both in the same week . Even after a year it is still hard to write about them , let alone talk about them in person . Although I am usually trying to put a funny twist on my adventures , I thought I 'd share this story - mainly cause they were so beautiful I just want to share their photos ! Just before Christmas 2011 , Jackaroo and my second Christmas together , he took me shopping to get me a Christmas present . After suggesting a couple of things that I wouldn 't mind receiving from him , he decided he didn 't like any of them and we went home empty handed . I was devastated , thinking that I wouldn 't be getting a Christmas present from him . ' Worst Christmas ever ! ' , I thought , moping around . I had spent weeks looking for the perfect gift for him . Anyway , when I woke up Christmas morning , he was jollier than I expected . I walk into the kitchen to get some breakfast . Jackaroo walks up to me with his hands behind his back , his eyes sparkling . He passes me a plain envelope . I open it up , inside is a registration certificate for a beautiful little red dun Australian Stock Horse filly that had been born a month earlier on the property . I literally jumped up and down and cried , just about suffocating him with my hugs . She was the most beautiful foal I 'd ever seen , and I had spent a lot of time down the paddock just sitting and watching her eat . She was the best present I have ever received and I named her Warratah , after the red native Australian flower . For those of you who have never seen a red dun coloured horse , they are similar to a normal dun in the way that they have the dorsal stripe , darker coloured points and stripes on their legs - but they are red ! Warratah was smart , and I loved hanging out with her down the paddock . When it came time to halter break her , I was very excited ! I had high hopes for this little girl . She was in the yards for about a week , getting taught to pick her feet up and tie up without pulling back . After we were satisfied that she and the 7 other 2011 foals were handled enough , we led them down to the improved pasture , so that they could grow big and strong so that one day we would be able to break them in and ride them . A couple of months later , Jackaroo and I went to look at some dogs . They were 3 / 4 Border Collie and 1 / 4 Kelpie . As always , they were adorable ! We picked up 3 boys - a blue and white for a friend , a black and white pup for Jackaroo and a chocolate tri - colour for me . My pup was a handsome and smart little fella , with one green eye and one blue eye . I 'm a sucker for different coloured eyes ( even Jackaroo has different coloured eyes ) ! When we got home I spent days deliberating what to name my pup . One day I was singing the theme song to a tv show that was on when I was a kid - FeralTv . I ended up naming my pup Rattus , after one of the characters . It suited him perfectly , due to his intelligence he was always up to no good and we got along great ! I got Rattus when I still lived in town , not on the farm . This was also a time when Jackaroo was working away on cattle stations for stints of 6 - 8 weeks , coming home for a week and then leaving again . I took him everywhere with me . He helped with the loneliness of living in a town without my family or partner . I taught him many tricks , and by the time Jackaroo came home after the first 8 weeks he could sit , shake , drop , hop up and I could send him off about 10m away from me , make a hoop with my arms and he would leap through them . He was my best friend . Now for the sad bit … The first tragedy was with Rattus . He was looking off one day , and was off his food . I didn 't think much of it , as with humans , sometimes things just don 't agree with your stomach . The next morning I went outside to check on Rattus . I called and called him , could not find him anywhere . I finally find him , still alive but very weak and bleeding from both ends - which was attracting ants . He tried to hobble over to me and I burst into tears then yelled to Jackaroo , who quickly collected his gun and took Rattus out of my earshot to put him out of his misery . We suspect that he had either eaten some dingo bait or rat bait . Although we had not baited for dingos , the worst trouble is that sometimes birds will pick up a piece of meat that has been baited for dingos and drop it into your yards . The love that he had in his eyes , despite being in so much pain is something that I 'll never get over . RIP Rattus . A week later , Warratah and her brothers and sisters went through a fence . Being so young , when something spooks them they just float like a flock of birds . All of the foals had a few scratches but only 3 of the 8 were bad enough to require medical attention , and another one which I could handle . Mowgli had cut his leg down to the bone , Upendi had skull showing and a huge gash on her knee and Justice had a chest puncture . Warratah , however , was unable to be fixed . She had slashed her eye in half . It was so sore , and made my eyes water when I looked at her . Unfortunately , she wouldn 't have been worth much as a broodmare , not that I could afford the operation to have her eye anyway . Jackaroo was working away on a station at this time , but I called him for advice and he organised his brother to ' take care ' of Warratah for me . He took her down the paddock and put her out of her misery . I hid down another paddock , found a nice spot by a dam and cried for hours . I 'm very lucky to be building a relationship with another beautiful filly , Perserverence . Warratah will always hold a special part in my heart though . RIP Warratah . Posted on September 6 , 2013November 27 , 2013On the Catwalk I better quickly explain my joke . ( Yes I made a funny ! ) The ' catwalk ' is a part of many larger cattle yards - mainly saleyards etc where you can walk above the yards checking out the cattle - in one of my last posts you can see one in the photos I took at the sales . I can guarantee you won 't see Elle McPherson walking one of these … Back to the point … I was browsing through my photos yesterday and came across this photo of me , on one of our mares , Cnedra ( aka Neddie - don 't ask me where Cnedra came from ! ) . It was a little while back , and if I remember correctly , we had been looking for some clean skins ( unbranded cattle ) for hours . This is a terrible picture her , but Neddie is a really beautiful Australian Stock Horse mare . She is currently in foal , due in November , and I can 't wait to see how her foal turns out . I 'll definitely be putting photos up of the foals later in the year ! Anyway , I thought I 'd share this photo as it seems some of you like these glimpses into my world . Especially since I follow a fair few equine blogs - some of the pictures I see of manicured horses , and their equally manicured riders put me to shame ! When you 're working on a station , or out mustering cattle there isn 't much style about it , just comfort . This photo of me is actually pretty good compared to the other things I rock the paddocks in . The shirt , although a hand - me - down from Jackaroo , has no rips in it and isn 't white from sun - bleaching yet , surprisingly , neither are the jeans . Might 've been trying to dress up a bit , you know for Jackaroo . Haha !
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The morning of the trip , the wind blew like crazy and the forecast called for rain mixed with snow . So what ? Lisa Speckman couldn 't wait for the adventure to begin . She had packed what she needed : her medicines , a parka , a single glove , a pair of fleece pants to cover her stumps . Now she is sitting in her wheelchair , waiting for her friends to load the Jeep . This will be her first outing since getting sick a year ago , the first time back in the mountains , just like old times . They will snowmobile up to Lily Lake and spend the night . The timing of the trip and the name of the lake are just coincidences , but they 're hard to ignore : March 1 , the anniversary of the day she nearly died ; Lily , the name of her youngest daughter . A year ago , Lisa went to the hospital to have a baby . Within weeks she had lost three limbs , multiple organs and her career . She needs this trip , the chance to journey to a setting that is so much a part of her own nature , to get weary in a good way , to listen to what she calls the deafening silence of winter . She needs to know what is possible . Yes , the weather is unpredictable , she decides . But then , so is everything else . Lisa was the kind of ER nurse who could handle anything , the one you could count on to take a shift no one else wanted , the one who could take the edge off a bad night with her quirky sense of humor . She was strong and healthy . She had delivered a healthy baby . She was going home today , wasn 't she ? Her pregnancy had been effortless . In her eighth month , on January afternoons , Lisa took 2 - year - old Hannah to Alta to ski , sheltering her daughter between her legs as they headed downhill . The day before her due date , Feb . 25 , 2005 , Lisa pulled a 12 - hour shift in the emergency room at LDS Hospital . Before dawn the next morning , right on schedule , her water broke . Lillian Marrakesh Speckman , bald , breech and 19 inches long , was delivered at sunrise by C - section . By late morning , her husband , Steve , a reporter at the Deseret Morning News , was back in the newsroom showing off photos of the new baby . In her room at LDS Hospital , Lisa was tired but happy . " She 's perfect , " she told an ER co - worker who came by to see Lily the next day . Lisa also showed off her own toenails , painted by Hannah a little messy but festive . Lisa was so sure she was leaving the hospital on March 1 that she asked a friend to dinner that night . Still , says her mother , when she talked to Lisa by phone , the conversation was off . At times , Lisa seemed to make no sense . By the time Lisa should have been gathering up her flowers and wrapping Lily for the trip home , there was no question something was wrong . In pain and frightened , she had called Steve early in the morning to tell him she was having trouble breathing and her stomach was swollen and sore . Probably a kinked bowel , doctors reassured Steve as they wheeled her in for exploratory surgery early in the afternoon . Friends waited with Steve as the hours dragged on . Finally , doctors brought news that turned his world on its head . " Your wife is as sick as a human being can be and still be alive , " is how friend Susan Heiner remembers it . What doctors had assumed was a routine problem turned out to be a massive infection ; they had removed her uterus , which was oozing pus . Lisa 's future was being measured in minutes : If she made it through this minute , she had a chance of surviving the next one . If she somehow made it one hour she might make it two but with every organ in her body struggling , no one believed she 'd survive the night . ven the whites of her eyes were swollen . he lay unconscious , her eyelids stretched so tight they couldn 't close . er skin was mottled , purple and blue and gray , as if she 'd been beaten . Later that evening , Lisa 's mother , Dee Borowiak , arrived from Chicago . Susan took her upstairs to Lisa 's empty hospital room , still filled with congratulatory balloons and Lisa 's slippers , where nurses handed her Lily . OK , there will be no nonsense here , Dee told her tiny granddaughter . " You 're going to eat and grow and get fat and happy , so that when your mother gets out of the hospital she 'll know this was all worth it . " Then Dee went downstairs to see her daughter . Dee sat down in a chair next to Lisa 's bed , patted her daughter 's swollen blue hand and began : " Our baby is beautiful , " she said . " I can 't wait for you to see her . " Susan Heiner , uncertain that Dee understood the prognosis , warned her not to get her hopes up . " This is serious , " she told her . Of course , said Dee . " But they don 't know Lisa . Lisa won 't stand for this . " In winter months , about 1 in 20 adults and one - third of children carry Strep A in their noses , throats or on their skin at any time . It may hang around for a few days or even months , but most often it 's benign . Since Strep A conjures the image of a sore throat , a mild skin infection , occasionally a more severe complication like rheumatic fever , it 's easy to underestimate its destructive potential . There are about 150 different varieties , and it is singularly good at adapting to its circumstances . Invasive Strep A can directly cause necrotizing fasciitis , often simplistically called flesh - eating disease , although in reality it attacks connective tissue , destroying muscles and their underpinnings , not just flesh . One in five afflicted that way will die . It can also cause devastating syndromes , not by spreading bacteria but by releasing powerful poisons . The process can rage on after the bacteria itself has been killed penicillin usually does the trick . About a third of those cases turn into Streptococcal toxic shock syndrome ( not associated with tampons ) . As blood pressure plunges , crucial organs like kidneys and lungs start to shut down . As many as 70 percent of patients die . Invasive Strep A may also jump - start a process of blood coagulation ; the widespread clotting chokes off blood flow to the fingers and toes , arms and legs , strangling limbs . If the limbs die , they must be removed to save the rest of the body . Lisa 's strep chose three destructive paths , says Dr . Jeffrey R . Saffle , professor of surgery at the University of Utah School of Medicine and director of University Hospital 's burn intensive care unit . It settled in the muscle and connective tissue in her abdominal wall , creating large abscesses . It triggered toxic shock . And it choked off circulation to her limbs . Lisa was unconscious as her organs died incrementally . The next day , doctors took out her ovaries and sections of her large and small intestines . On Day 5 , surgeons removed her gall bladder and performed an ileostomy , which funneled her waste to a bag on her abdomen . Meanwhile , her liver couldn 't keep up with the toxins that were forming in her body . And her limbs were darkening ominously . " Each day , " wrote Steve in an e - mail to his friends , " is a new emotion based on one or two central themes fear and sorrow , mostly for each day Hannah is without her mommy . am trying to stay positive and trying to envision our family as four people in the future . continue to pray . continue to talk to Lisa , even when I 'm not in the room with her . wear her wedding ring around my neck on a chain she normally wears I won 't take it off until I can put it back on her finger , or at least around her neck . " Lisa and Steve met at a party in Chicago in 1996 . That first night they talked for five hours straight , about his Peace Corps stint in Micronesia and her medical missions to Peru , and the bumpy terrain of relationships . Already , they discovered , they could discuss anything without flinching . " Blunt " and " Blunter , " their friends affectionately nicknamed them . They got married two days after Christmas in 1997 , put their belongings in storage and immediately set off on a three - month whim - driven , low - budget honeymoon through the South Pacific . In 1998 they settled in Utah , lured by the promise of mountain trails . Lisa was a hiker , a skier , a biker , a hugger , a nurse , a traveler , a woman who never sat still . If there was one moment that summed Lisa up , it was that time on a camping trip to Idaho when Steve was struggling to land a large fish and Lisa took off her clothes to jump in the river and toss it up on the bank . Then she ran in her underwear down the road looking for the sign that would tell them if they could keep the fish . On Day 12 , Lisa was transferred to the burn intensive care at University Hospital . More like chemotherapy than fire , the strep - induced toxins had burned her from the inside out . It seared more than half of her body , including her tongue , and her hair fell out in clumps . Before it can destroy , invasive Strep A has to find a way in . Its doorway could be a wound , even one as innocuous as a bug bite . Half the time , it simply finds a vulnerable area a sprain or a bruise with no skin break . B ise microbiologist Amy Bryant tells of a child who bumped his knee while trick or treating . W thin 48 hours , doctors had to amputate his leg because of strep . Some scientists theorize , too , that certain people have immunological markers that predispose them to bad outcomes . In addition , strep specialists think it 's likely that the immune system itself may cause harm by overreacting . One infectious disease specialist says it 's like turning on a sprinkler system in an art museum to counteract cigar smoke : a major , destructive offensive against a nonthreat . The Utah Health Department started tracking invasive Group A Strep only a year ago too soon to figure out whether public health or private citizens can do anything to avoid it , says Susan Mottice , a state epidemiologist . hey have not yet found predictability in what feels too much like brutal random chance . here were 70 reported cases of invasive Strep A last year ; officials are certain that 's an undercount . t 's an unsettling fact , experts say , that the number of invasive cases is increasing . It 's unclear how Lisa 's strep began , but impossible not to wonder . Had she tripped on something and discounted the ensuing bruise as nothing ? Did she pick it up at work ? Did it sneak in through the C - section site ? Many local physicians familiar with her case declined to discuss it because of potential litigation . Hospital risk management teams counseled even those doctors not involved with Lisa 's care not to discuss strep for this article . In the burn unit , surgeons sliced out dead tissue on her mottled limbs , hoping to save as much leg as they could and at least part of her right hand . A day after that they removed her legs below the knees . When the tissue continued to die , they went in again , and then again , each time taking off more , until the legs ended just inches below her hips . Two days after they amputated her legs , they cut off her right arm , leaving a stump midway from elbow to shoulder . The tally of limbs and organs strep claimed had effectively reduced one - third of her body , and Steve wondered how much more she could take . Unspoken was " Would she want this ? How much can someone lose and still want to live ? " As the strep took its toll , LDS emergency room nurses Lorie Hutchison and Anne Marie Bickmore set up a " Lisa Speckman Update " on Bickmore 's voicemail . Hutchison would call the hospital each morning , then try to figure out how to phrase the increasingly grim news . " How do you tell people , ' They 're cutting off her legs ? ' " remembers Hutchison , who would write her message , practice it out loud , then rewrite the words to soften the brittle edges , trying to find the right balance of truth and hope . She slipped in and out of consciousness , full of medications that chemically paralyzed her and sedatives to keep her from panicking because she couldn 't move . When she slept she had horrifying dreams . When she wasn 't asleep , they gave her the news in small bits , deciding each day how much she could handle . Steve and Dee told the story in short chapters that had to be repeated over and over , the immensity too much to take in . Trying to make sense of it , Lisa groggily figured she must have been in a car crash , but she couldn 't remember a thing about it . There 's an old parlor game where people compare potential losses . " Which would you rather lose ? " the question goes , " your sight or your hearing ? Your arms or your legs ? " Here 's how Lisa answers the question . " I could live without an arm , " she says now . " I could modify my career and adjust . " But her legs were another story . " My legs were where I lived and where my heart was . " But there were milestones that buoyed her . Her kidneys started working again , a few drops of urine that made everyone cheer and put an end to dialysis . Steve brought Hannah and Lily to see her for the first time , and Hannah asked only " Where 'd Mommy 's hair go ? " On a sunny day near the end of April , Steve and Dee wheeled Lisa through the front door of the hospital for a breath of fresh air . There were tulips and daffodils growing in the island in the middle of the driveway , and a wisp of breeze . Suddenly she was crying , happy to be outside and in motion , even on such a small journey . There were months of in - patient rehab still to come , first at the University of Utah and then in Chicago . Steve gave her pep talks . Her one arm was a gift , he told her . After all , her loss , like all losses , was relative . If the surgeon had cut a little higher on her right arm , she might not be able to use a prosthetic one . If she had lost a few more inches of her legs , she might not be able to sit up . She could have lost her tongue . In Chicago , where Lisa went for intensive inpatient therapy at the Rehabilitation Institute in the summer of 2005 , she met two women who had lost all four of their limbs . She also met a man who had lost both arms in an electrical accident . He had both legs and could walk , but he had a 2 - year - old and a baby on the way and he was sick at the thought that he couldn 't cuddle them . Lisa could stroke Lily 's cheek and give Hannah a one - armed hug . She still had five fingers , even if they were hypersensitive and sometimes painful . Lisa had lost three limbs , but they hadn 't amputated her sense of humor . Even back in the burn unit , not long after she finally grasped what had happened to her , she called her co - workers in the ER at LDS Hospital . " Hi , this is Lisa , " she said . " Do you know anybody who needs some shoes ? " Just before Thanksgiving , she came home to Utah . Before she 'd gotten sick , they lived in a cozy cottage near East High . But when it became clear that the house , with its stairs and small nooks , wouldn 't work for a wheelchair , Steve had tried to think of a way to hold onto their home the one constant in their lives . ne afternoon in early June he showed up at a Utah audition for the TV reality show " Extreme Makeover : Home Edition . " e mailed in an application and never heard back . isa 's story apparently wasn 't TV - worthy . Two months later , on a chilly morning in early 2006 , Lisa and Hannah sit on the sofa in the front room , looking out the window , past the snow in the front yard toward a vista of houses and lake and gray sky . It 's a nice day to be inside , if you 're someone who likes that sort of thing . Lisa shifts her torso on the sofa , hugging the arm of her sweatshirt , trying to find a comfortable position . After Hannah leaves the room , Lisa slides further into the cushions to talk about her life . She and Steve had had a perfect life : good jobs , frequent trips to the backcountry and far - off places . They had been so committed to the idea of the open road that they had embedded it in their daughters ' names : Lillian Marrakesh , after the Moroccan city they loved , and Hannah Moorea , for an island in Tahiti . Now she will be what she calls a " soft mom , " reading books to the girls , helping them with homework , giving lots of hugs and cuddles . That 's a good mom role , she says , but she had wanted to show them how to be rugged in the world . She worries that she will burden Hannah with constant requests to " open this " and " pick up that . " With Lily , Lisa needs what she wryly calls " adult supervision , " because in an emergency she won 't be able to rescue the baby , unthinkable to an emergency room nurse . A nanny , 21 - year - old Sammie Bickmore , has helped care for the baby since Lisa was in the hospital , and even now , when Steve or Sammie leaves the room and only Lisa is left , Lily cries . But little by little there is a new normal . Lily likes to snuggle with Lisa now . Hannah likes to lie next to what she calls Lisa 's " baby arm " and uses Lisa 's hook hand the one Lisa has named " Alfred " as a carry - all for gum wrappers and hairbands . N t long ago , when the children in Hannah 's preschool class were asked what makes them happy , Hannah 's response , later tacked to the classroom door , was " I 'm happy because my mom gives me hugs and kisses . " < Learning to walk on artificial legs , at 44 , means building up the glutes so they 're strong enough to launch the legs forward , and training the brain to think about the relationship between knee , heel and toe . Today Lisa is dangling , attached to an elaborate harness that looks like an amusement park ride . Strength comes through exercise but also from the sheer effort of hanging from the harness , trying to move legs that aren 't her own . They hang , like marionette legs , from the sockets that fit over her stumps . At the bottom are two running shoes . She longs these days to be vertical . At home she will wear 8 - inch kneeless " stubbies " that resemble pipes on small platforms . But in rehab she is trying to master the grand prize with diligence and a certain amount of luck , she may one day walk on " C - legs " with bending knees and flexible ankles and a microprocessor that lets the two joints talk to each other . First , though , she must show the insurance company she has mastered the practice legs in rehab . They 're heavy and burn energy she doesn 't have and may not get . Progress comes in tiny spurts and hinges on small things , like whether the sleeves that cover her stumps are precisely aligned to avoid painful pressure points . She has no guarantee that she will ever really walk , on her own , without the harness , but she works at it , hour after hour , heel toe , heel toe . It 's exhausting , and as she tires she beckons to a therapist across the room . She cannot yet drive and relies on a large network of friends to take her everywhere the rigid schedule of walking therapy and hand therapy and doctors appointments that consumes her time and energy . he friends come , one says , not from a sense of duty but because they long to spend time with her . ven when doctors were removing pieces of her , notes a woman who helped care for her , " Lisa would ask about your kids and knew their names . " Because she lost part of her intestine , she doesn 't absorb nutrients well , so eating is one more complication that must be considered and planned . She also lost fat and muscle when skin was taken for grafts . So she picks foods that are high in protein and energy . Once a Doves chocolate girl , she now craves vinegar and salt and green olives , her taste buds altered by the damage to her tongue . It takes at least an hour to get ready to go anywhere each morning , 20 minutes and someone 's help , just to attach her new electric arm . It 's a complicated gadget , programmed so that flexing the triceps muscle in her stump opens the hand , relaxing the muscle closes it . To turn the wrist she must swing the upper arm back and forth . The arm is a work in progress : she has to decide if she wants an elbow , because elbows are not necessarily the most practical of nature 's inventions . A microchip controls the strength of her grip . These days , laughter and tears travel side by side . In the car at a drive - thru pharmacy not long ago , Lisa was playing with her electric hand , trying to get it to cooperate . She placed her left hand across the artificial palm to test its grip , which , it turned out , was relentless . She squealed , fumbling to make it let go . As the pharmacist came to the window and peered into the car , Sammie was reaching down Lisa 's shirt , trying to unhook the battery to turn it off . At lunch , later in the day , Lisa retold the story and her friends howled with laughter . She is both grateful for the help she has received from so many friends and envious of those who don 't need it . In rehab one day , while Lisa 's stubbies are being adjusted , Sammie kisses Lily between the eyes , making the child belly laugh . A small cloud briefly passes across Lisa 's face . She would love to be the shelter Lily seeks , but that , like everything else in her life , will take time . Across the room , Lisa begins a waving game and Lily waves back . Soon , mother and baby are giggling at each other across the expanse of carpet . On the scale of randomness , strep falls somewhere between a stray bullet and cancer : something that seems to come out of nowhere but can 't be blamed on chance alone . At night , when the children are asleep and the house is quiet , Lisa and Steve still ask themselves why it all happened . It is less a question about medicine and more about the whys of the universe . But gradually , Steve says , they are reframing the question . She is here to love her family and to be loved . She is here to teach her children , even if the lessons might not be the ones she once imagined . She might or might not take them to Morocco . But she can certainly teach them to savor all journeys , big and small . She has reprioritized the lessons , she says . Love of nature has fallen to third place . First is compassion and open - mindedness toward those who are different , regardless of how . " Secondly , " she says , " I want to try to keep our family together in a healthy manner . " They are all adapting to new roles , all cautiously learning how to take care of her . Their feelings are still so tender , almost raw , she says . In dark moments and Lisa admits there are still many she looks at the future and it seems short . S e 's a nurse , she says , so she knows that her life - span has changed . S e will always battle malnutrition . S e doesn 't know if her heart was damaged or if her kidneys will fail again . S e starts now from a weaker point , and any injury or infection or damage to her organs could kill her . a She and Steve have practiced what they will tell Hannah and Lily some day about what happened . It was not the birth that made her sick , it was bacteria , they will say . They will explain it like this : Mommy came back to be with you . Lily turned 1 two weeks ago . She celebrated by sticking one finger tentatively into her birthday cake , followed by her elbow and more fingers and then her fist . Soon she was covered in frosting and everybody was cheering nurses and neighbors and all the friends who have helped Lisa get through the worst year of her life . It 's March again , that capricious month when the earth can 't decide whether to howl or coo , to knock you down or give you hope . Ice , sun , Ides , buds , wind that tears the limbs off trees . The promise that , as always , something new will grow . The month that asks only that you ride her out . At night , sheltered in their camp , the women tell stories . The day that started with wind and rain and ice has cleared . The women tease each other around the fire , and , sitting there , Lisa doesn 't feel shorter or less capable or more afraid . The trip that was planned to help her see what is possible is also about the food and the weather and the trip in and out and who got lost on the way in and who didn 't believe their GPS . It is about friends laughing and life and of just being regardless . The next day , the sun is shining and snow hugs the branches of the aspens . Lorie places Lisa on the snowmobile , and they head off through the woods to a clearing , where they cut the engine . Lisa sits , perfectly still , listening to the silence .
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Besides a few years of Catholic school choir where I would more often than not perform the rookie mistake of locking my knees while trying to stand on the side of the church altar for an hour , eventually half tumbling to the ground in the middle of a service , I do not sing in public . Shower singing , singing to my pet parrot ( in order to make him squawk in annoyance ) , and singing wildly out of tune at great volume in the car are all in my repertoire , but producing music for a crowd isn 't on the menu . I spent four wonderful summers at a boys ' camp chanting , whooping , and bellowing battle cries , but singing was considered below the acceptable duties of manliness . ( Even though I 'm not actually a man . ) And then I came to CFA . A few hours into my first retreat as a professional staff member , I was asked to perform in a skit - the ever - classic " Invisible Bench . " That was acceptable enough , as I had a full two weeks of drama training in middle school and had even blessed the 8th grade stage with my presence as The Head Elf of the Christmas play . And then all of a sudden I was supposed to be co - leading a song . A song I didn 't know , for one , and a song that , upon explanation , sounded like a lot of gibberish . I couldn 't understand why we thought the strangers in the audience would enjoy gobbledy - gook entertainment , and why I needed to participate . And then there were hand gestures . Hand gestures . However , wanting to remain well - liked , or at the very least , well - employed , I went along with it , alongside a couple of summer staff members . And it was . . fun . And it didn 't matter that I messed up seventy - five percent of the nonsense words , or that my hand gestures were wildly out of sync . And weirdest of all , the small crowd of dads and daughters and sons loved it . And sang along . . Repeat - after - me - style , of course . Why do we sing at camp ? Why is it beyond acceptable and actually fun to look so silly , often in front of such a large crowd , and often entirely out of tune ? I don 't think there are any concrete answers , but trust me - ifPosted by - Notice the quotes that the narrator says or the ones they flash on the screen . My favorite : " The joy and success of a camp depend not on the new pool , the pleasant lodging or the other facilities but on the leadership . " Richard T . Schwartz , camper then counselor at YMCA Camp Kern . - As it said in the video , the counselor / camper relationship is one of the most important things in summer camps . I remember my first counselors Paul Laudermilk and Brian Sheridan . They took care of me and loved me . Some of their morals rubbed off on me and I have them now . I hope I have made an impact on the campers I worked with as those two did with me . The sixth line of the Ragger 's Creed is " I would be giving and forget the gift . " I think this line is pretty self explanatory - you should be willing to give without getting anything back . Gifts are not just things you purchase , but can also be the gift of time helping someone out , a nice note or email , encouraging words and just being a friend . Learning to be giving is a constant life challenge . Giving can also be defined as being generous . On Wikipedia , I found this : Generosity is the habit of giving freely without expecting anything in return . It can involve offering time , assets or talents to aid someone in need . Often equated with charity and virtue , generosity is widely accepted in society as a desirable trait . Have you given of time or talent recently ? If not , what can you do today to give ? Remember - Youth Empowerment Retreat ( click and look for tan box ) is coming up December 10 , 2010 ! Sign up today and take this time to renew your Rag goals at camp . Hey Hey CFA - stay pure , stay true , stay strong , stay brave , be a friend , give each day and stay CFA . I would be true , for there are those that trust me ; I would be pure , for there are those who care ; I would be strong , for there is much to suffer ; I would be brave , for there is much to dare . I would be a friend to all , the foe , the friendless ; I would be giving and forget the gift . . . In the Spirit of Camp , Allison In my office , I have a piece of paper that 's been photocopied a few times . At the top it reads " New Horse Evaluation " and the Times New Roman print carries on with phrases like reaction to injection simulation and ground manners and demeanor while saddling and hoof condition , and so forth . It is a solid document I cannot take credit for , full of equestrian jargon that means a lot to us weird horse people and probably not a whole lot to the average kid who just wants a chance to ride . I take a copy of that paper with me and make sparse notes whenever somebody calls me out to see if their horse would be a good fit for CFA . The truth is , really , that there is no black - and - white criteria by which a true Camp Horse can be judged . They are each unique and their own " person , " if I can borrow that particular species ' term . A few common threads appear when you take a look at those in our herd who have given some of the greatest years of service to children in camping - for one , rarely is the truly Great Camp Horse beautiful by the textbook standards of equine confirmation . There is often a long back , sagging with age ( see " Charlie ) or particularly creaky hocks long tired from years as a competitor in a more taxing equestrian sport ( like " Dixie " in her roping days . ) We possess a short little fellow who looks more like a grouchy , stubby - legged white rhinoceros than a glittering grey Welsh pony . His name is " Salty , " or " Salty Dog , " and the grizzly personality matches the name . Luckily , his signature whitish coloration makes him an immediate favorite of almost every little girl who sets her eyes on him , assuaging their dismay when , upon mounting , they realize he 's a hard mouthed , cranky pony with a strong desire to eat instead of walk . He would still never dump a child or leave them stranded ; he just takes the long way around on his own accord . That said , onto Common Trait # 2 . . and I have to contradict myself here . Should you wander through our pasture and take a look at our 27 - horse - strong herd , you would see quite a few handPosted by The fifth line of the Ragger 's Creed is " I would be friend to all , the foe , the friendless " What does this mean ? Does it mean you are friends with everyone and spread yourself thin ? Or do you have a handful of REAL friends that know your heart 's song and can play it back to you when you have forgotten it ? I think the line means both . One , that you do not shun people for differences such as skin color , disabilities , etc , but that you try your best to include everyone in your life on some level . For me , I often think of it in a group setting where everyone doesn 't know each other - like the first day of camp . Do you stick to the people you know OR do you stick your hand out and introduce yourself to new people ? This is what the fifth line is speaking too - reaching out to others and helping them feel welcome and apart of something greater . On the other hand , I think true friendships are those people who know you inside and out . A song I love is in the song " Find Out Who Your Friends " are by Tracy Lawrence & friends . The chorus " somebody 's gonna drop everything ; run out and crank up their car ; hit the gas , get there fast , never stop to think what 's in it for me ; or that it 's way too far ; they just show on up with their big ole hearts ; you find out who your friends are . . . " For my closest friends , this is how I treat them and pray they will treat me - drop everything to help , comfort , push forward and embrace . It is said , if , at the end of your life , there are at least five people you can call your true friends , then you have been truly blessed . I think this is awesome and pray I have formed and keep forming these relationships . My work at camp has allowed me to create such awesome relationships . I am truly blessed . While there will naturally be those that are closer to you and you love dearly , there will be those friends that you know socially or casually that you speak to but don 't share your deepest thoughts . It is imperative in your life you work to stick your neck out to help everyone feel included and not segregatePosted by 1 . Running2 . Hiking ( Did a lot of at summer camp when I was a camper ) 3 . Canoeing ( learned at summer camp ) 4 . Archery ( learned at summer camp ) 5 . Sleeping ( found my love for it at summer camp ) 6 . Playing Sports7 . Fishing8 . Reading The fourth line of the Ragger 's Creed is " I would be brave , for there is much to dare . " Brave is defined : " the brave have always defined what the rest of us wish to be . but bravery is misunderstood . it is not the absence of fear , but the will to over come it . " When I think of brave in regards to the Ragger 's Creed I think of several things . First , I think that it is brave of each person that challenges him or her self with a Rag and setting goals . It is brave to step out of you comfort zone and try new things . For me , I feel I have learned to push myself in life through my work with Raggers . For example , right now I am campaigning for election to my local School Board . This is a large step for me and something that really puts me out there publicly as I would be an elected public official - SCARY ! For students , you might choose to run for School counsel , try out for a team , learn a new craft / hobby or just reach out to someone as a potential new friend . Being brave is just pushing yourself to reach for more and outside your self . I don 't think that it pertains to being " brave " as in " cool " or doing things that are not healthy or wise . Like doing drugs , driving recklessly or doing something that goes against your values . One camp dad , Stuart , described an awesome tool for being brave . He said to use a 1 - 10 scale to determine how much fear you have for doing something , 10 being VERY fearful . Then you challenge yourself to be brave and " do you 10 " meaning pushing yourself to do things that you are afraid of . So for me , high ropes is a major 10 ! I am not a fan of heights . So for me to climb to the top of the cat walk or zip down the zip line , that is me doing my 10 " . What can you challenge yourself with today ? Remember , you may not always succeed , but just pushing through and being brave is AWESOME ! Remember - Youth Empowerment Retreat ( click and look for tan box ) is coming up December 10 , 2010 ! Sign up today and take this time to renew your Rag goals at camp . Hey Hey CFA - stay pure , stay true , stay Posted by Being able to see my family and friends back in England was really nice after being so far away from them for 3 months , and I have had plenty of Texas stories to tell them , some crazy dance moves along to the country songs . . . . and a fair few sayings and words too ! ! ! Y ' all , There it is . . . ' Merica and HEY HEYYYYY are all top contenders in my vocab at the moment : ) and not forgetting ' Rookie Mistake ' The opening days when the new campers would arrive feeling a little bit apprehensive about what awaited them for the week ahead ( the nervousness was normally short - lived and dissappeared when we 'd made a fool of ourselves by dancing to the random camp songs that were being played on the radio as they arrived ! ! ! ) I used to really LOVE going to Blue Bead ceremony every friday with my cabin : ) I 'd love the build up to it when the whole camp would be lined up waiting patiently to start our little jouney to the magical atmosphere that was waiting for us along with Otega and Running Bear from the Apache and Comanche tribes . I think that it felt so special because every single camper from youngest to oldest could hear about a story that could relate to their own life journeys , and it 's one that will stay with them forever . The fires that were lit when we got there added to the atmosphere too , and I used to love seeing all of the embers floating up into the night sky toward the blanket of stars that were always shining over us all out there . One memory that always makes me smile is when I was with one of the younger cabins for the week , and me & my co - co had been at the climbing wall in strong hall with them . Once we had finished the activity and everybody had a turn , there was our cabin in there and a boy 's cabin too . Well there was still a bit of time before we had to head up to lunch so I started a game up with our girls . We had 2 teams , one group of us were all wild animals from monkeys , to tigers and wolves , and the other group were the zoo keepers that had to make sure each animal was inside a cage ( the cage was the a square on the floor in strong hall ) . The boys stood by and watched for a while , and then they came over and asked if they could join in the game too which I thought was pretty cool . So from nothing , we were all in strong hall making random animal noises - running around and laughing . I think that has to be one of my favoutie memories because it was such a simple game , yet everybody wanted to join in and we were all having a great time playing it : ) That would have to be up on Mount Vesper , when the sun was setting and the stars came out . It was one of the most beautiful sights that I have seen , being out beneath all of the stars - with just the moonlight and the subtle light given off each one of the stars , seeing them all twinkling to each other , and reflecting on what had gone on during that day . Being up there and seeing all the stars that are above us in our galaxy always made me feel that the gift of life that we 've all been given is way to precious to take for granted , and that letting the small things in life that stress us out sometimes are so insignificant in the whole big scheme of things . If you could have one thing to take with you from camp what would it be ? Are you planning on coming back next year ? I am definately coming back to camp next year ! ! ! It 's something that I look forward to everyday . I can 't wait to be back over there and have another amazing summer ! ! ! I am looking forward to meeting up with everybody again that I met this year , and also all of the new members of the cfa family that will be part of it all next year : ) Getting taken on as part of the CFA staff is something that has made a huge difference to my life , and I only hope that one day I can make as bigger difference to other people 's lives as what all of you guy 's have to mine . Posted by I fear I have not allotted enough time this week to write a proper blog post . So I asked a friend of mine to step in for the week and let you all get a taste - err , sniff , of his perspective . I 'm surprised nobody let me know about this blogging business before . After all , I am the Official Greeter of all camp events ( self - appointed , I admit ) and I have a brilliant nose for sniffing out the news and happenings of CFA . Why shouldn 't I tell you about it ? Tuck , Leo , and Kansas have gone gallivanting off to the woods today yet again . I did lead them on a little trek up to chase some deer by the cool O . W . L . S . hangout at Fort Clarke , but then I figured they could handle it on their own . . I had some Important Barn Business to attend to , helping MaryAshley with the riding lessons . Somebody has to sit around and catch flies in their mouth , and the horses certainly aren 't getting around to it . The weather has gotten great here at camp - nothing like in the summer , when most of you folks come to visit . Evenings have been in the 40 's . Remy the Golden Retriever is still convinced this is swimming weather , though I prefer to chase rabbits along the bank instead of faceplanting into the chilly water . There will undoubtedly be some Adventure Guide campers still water - sliding this weekend , crazy kids ! What could be better than chasing rabbits ? ! The barn cats are starting to get cheeky . I try to advise the humans that feeding cats is a bad idea ( I assert this point by trying to eat their kibble myself , which for some reason always involves a lot of shouting . . ) but nobody listens . The big orange - and - white cat has started meandering around retreat groups , begging for a handout with big yellow eyes and a pathetic fluffy tail ! If you 're coming for a weekend in the near future . . DON ' T FALL FOR IT ! Truth of the matter is , it can be kind of quiet without summer campers here ! There is nobody to hand out ice cream leftovers from afternoon snack anymore , and Bill 's Burgers nights are few and far between and there aren 't enough unattended picnicPosted by This is the story that was told at opening campfire every session this summer . This is something from my camp past that really formed the strong belief I have in the benefits of the summer camp experience . This story is about how love change a person 's personal image and help them overcome mountains ( literally ) . This is final part of my look at I . I . L . I grew up going to a camp called Camp Pike . It was a one week Christian hiking camp that was based out of Coppell , Texas , but the actual camp was in Colorado at the Rocky Mountain Mennonite Camp , which is in Pike National Forest near Pike 's Peak . I started going in 7th grade and continued to be a camper until after my sophomore year of high school . After that you can apply to be a counselor . Luckily , I became a counselor and I got to continue on helping and being part of the camp that I loved . In my second or third year as a counselor I got to be hikemaster , which is the person in charge of organizing all the hikes from counselors to campers . During the planning , I noticed that there was a camper coming to camp that was deaf - - Trevor . I thought to myself this will be interesting since it was going to be a struggle to communicate with him on hikes . The only problem with that was my ignorance . People who are deaf also have a hard time with balance because balance is in your ears , which of course I didn 't realize until he arrived at camp . Trevor looked like a normal camper and smiled like one as well . It took me awhile to realize who he was because when stepped off the bus he wore a beanie to cover up the implant that was in each of his ears and he would always be smiling . The first night was tough one for Trevor . Something happened in his cabin that scared him . He grabbed the broom and swung it around the cabin , then he ran to his mother who was the camp nurse that weekend ( his sister was also a camper that year ) . The first time I saw him struggle with his balance at camp was during an evening program . Part of the game was to cross to a creek by hopping across on some rocks . He refused to hop across . His face was white and his eyes wide . He didn 't want to leave his comfort zone . The rest of his cabin had already moved on from that obstacle . I motioned for him to catch up with his cabin on the other side of the bridge . He ran as fast as he could over to them to join them for the last half of the evening program . On the 2nd to last day we climb Pike 's Peak as a camp . Yes , about 100 sixth , seventh and eighth graders climbing a 14 , 000 ft mountain . It is a long hike that can range from 7 to 12 hours in length . In order to go on this hike you have to complete several preliminary hikes over the first few days of camp . Trevor struggled with the hikes but he made it through them . My only question about him was going to be his endurance . He was always really tired after the hikes . Keeping your balance over such a long period of time while hiking up a mountain had to take its toll . Besides making it up all the hikes , Trevor had started to be more outgoing . He was trying to communicate more with other campers and counselors . He taught us some sign language ( I still do some today ) . My favorite was stars . It seemed his favorite , especially out at camp because he could actually see them . At the camp dance he asked a girl to dance for the first time in his life ( she said yes ) . The Pike day starts really early ( around 4 : 00 is wake up and 4 : 30 breakfast if I remember correctly ) . Trevor was in the first group out so he could have more time to make it up the summit . I put him with a really strong ( spirit , mind and body ) counselor named Charles . So they headed out . I was in the last group to head up to the mountain , which meant we would catch up to the first group near the top . We finally caught up to them about 30 minutes from summiting . It was 7 or 8 hours into their hike and 5 hours into ours . As I looked up at Trevor 's hike group , I noticed something different . Charles was grabbing Trevor 's backpack . I was puzzled . Then I saw Trevor stumble and Charles was holding him up . The stumbling and holding continued until the last 30 yards . That is when Trevor saw his mom and sister standing there waiting for him . He broke away from Charles and ran to them . They crumbled together in a beautiful embrace . Happy tears ran down their faces . He had accomplished something that I don 't think he even thought he could do . Not only is this story about the supportive love that happened that week with Trevor but it is about the love that Trevor planted in other peoples heart that week . I love summer camp and Trevor and his growth that week are some of the reasons why . He doesn 't know but he gave me more than he truly realizes . That is what makes summer camp so great . While I love this story , this story happens at summer camps around the country . I witness it every week out here CFA . I watch kids conquer their fears on the leap of faith out at high ropes or just being away from home for the first time . Camp provides that unique opportunity for a child to grow in a place where they are loved unconditionally . When the campers grow , so does the staff . This past summer our staff impacted many lives and it impacted them . After our closing dinner , we watched the staff video and after that they cried , hugged and were saying goodbye . It was the end and they finally realized the impact they had on kids and how those kids impacted their lives . It seemed like 2 hours before everyone finally got done saying their goodbyes . That is what summer camp is about - - impacting lives with love . The third line of the Ragger 's Creed is " I would be strong , for there is much to suffer . " What does this line make you think of or feel ? Does it give you a feeling of self doubt or cause you to work harder to succeed ? For me , this is not just physical strength . What this line is referring to is mental strength , having the integrity and confidence to keep trying , to keep working , to dust yourself off and move forward . For this , you need to pay attention , study hard in school , make the most of your education and learn from all kinds of life experience . The line " learn from your mistakes " fits well into this third line of the Ragger 's Creed . If you just give up and do not stay strong ton try again , then life is just going to run past you . If you let your life sufferings like failing a test , getting a grade , falling off your bike , not making the A team or losing site of your goals , then you are letting your " sufferings " get the best of you . Stay strong , dig deep into yourself and keep going . Refocus on your goals , reset your self and seek advice from adults . Remember - Youth Empowerment Retreat ( click and look for tan box ) is coming up December 10 , 2010 ! Sign up today and take this time to renew your Rag goals at camp . Hey Hey CFA - stay pure , stay true , stay strong and stay CFA . I would be true , for there are those who trust me ; I would be pure , for there are those who care ; I would be strong , for there is much to suffer . . . In the Spirit of Camp , Allison This is part one of a two part blog series . So I have a little history lesson today about CFA and its buildings . I just got done read . . .
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It 's Been A Year . . . Motherhood and busy - ness took over , and my blog suffered a little bit [ meaning I wrote the least amount of posts this year since I started my blog ] but would I have it any other way ? Also , I 'm thankful for my ever faithful readers and your support . I 've tried to keep this from being a total ' mommy ' blog , but since I am a mom now , there hasn 't been too much else on my radar . I 'm amazed at where God has taken me this year . It started out with so much uncertainty , when Adrian was diagnosed with Cri du Chat syndrome the first week of January , and I had no idea that the Lord would bring so much peace and reassurance to my heart in such a short time . From joining the Facebook group to having weekly therapy at Kidsability [ I can 't speak highly enough about this amazing organization and their incredible therapists ! ] , both Jake and I have been so encouraged and blessed . Family and friends have been amazing , if not above and beyond understanding and supportive . Not to forget about our sweet little guy . Adrian is , well , if you 've met him I don 't have to tell you twice how social he is , how loving and affectionate , how cuddly and wise . His laid back nature is just like his daddy 's and has been SO good for me . He 's got spunk and motivation that keeps me on my toes . I 'm so proud and incredibly thankful to the Lord for the developmental milestones he 's accomplished this year , on his own time and in his own way . I 've learned so much about the important of patience [ always patience , right , Lord ? ] I 'm looking forward to seeing what 2015 brings , and to see how the Lord continues to work in our lives . May you feel blessed and loved as you spend the evening with friends and family , ringing in 2015 . The thrift shop near my house is amazing , and they donate all of their profits to a men 's shelter . Their displays are artistic , nothing is disorganized or unattractive to the eye . I try to go in at least once a week , if not twice , and it 's a treasure hunt every time . I 'm keeping my eye on this arm chair that 's been there for about three months ( it 's actually hideous - bright orange - but oh - so - comfortable ) , and the price hasn 't gone down . Is it wrong to ask a non - profit organization to negotiate ? The sunroom in our apartment is the perfect spot for said arm chair , a soft blanket , a small side table , and a space heater - - a cozy little oasis to curl up with a cup of coffee and a good book . Until yesterday we were using this room for storage , and it was actually accumulating some mildew . A friend took Adrian for an hour and a half , giving me time to attack the floor with a vacuum and some bleach ( for the mildew ) , and opening up the space for my dream reading corner . With a pretty area rug and a nice display of flowers , this little niche in our apartment just might become my favourite . What part of your home is the perfect oasis for you , and why ? More Than You Know . . . This morning I made pancakes for breakfast . . . Delicious ones with blueberries and chocolate chips . I 've been very excited that Adrian can eat what we eat , so I sat him down in his high chair and promptly set a pancake in front of him . He looked at it . He picked it up and inspected it further . He nibbled at it . Then he threw it on the floor , looked at me and started kicking his feet . I knew he was trying to tell me something , but couldn 't interpret the signs . So I picked up the pancake , offered him his smoothie from last night , cut up a clementine , did a song and dance { that last part may only be slightly true } but he still just looked at me expectantly . All of a sudden I thought , He probably wants his oatmeal ! This boy starts every day with oatmeal , getting exciting when I sign and say the word for " cereal " , and practically whimpers in anticipation when he sees me getting it ready . So this morning , how could I have thought that pancakes would trump good ol ' cereal ? ! He patiently waited for me to prepare it stove top , and sure enough , as soon as I brought it over he started squealing and squawking . Not even the promise of fresh blueberry chocolate chip pancakes could sway him , so excited was he for his beloved oatmeal . He 's a creature of habit , that 's for sure ! Love , Ashleigh Not lose sight of Jesus Christ , who is the reason we celebrate Christmas at all . His birth signified a time of hope for the whole world . The Saviour Came ! He came down , became a man , and died for all of our sins and was raised to life again so that we could live ! ! ! What a beautiful reminder at Christmas . Love , Ashleigh It 's been stir fry 's for dinner , and cinnamon everything . Joy of Cooking Overnight Rolls , Joy the Baker 's Cinnamon Popovers , and good old cinnamon coffee cake . I even tried making microwave cinnamon buns , but the real , yeasty ones were definitely the best . I bought a huge ten - pound bag of white flour from Costco , in the hopes that I can get some Christmas baking done this year . I may be in over my head . . . A Wrinkle in Time , Madeleine L ' Engle ( AB ) : I have heard of this book for many years , but now that I 've finally listened to it , I want to buy it for our own home collection . In my opinion , it 's on par with the Narnia books in terms of the fight between good and evil , and good always winning . There were some Biblical references , and many , many biblical analogies . It 's definitely a children 's story , but has merit for adult readers as well . Amity and Sorrow , Peggy Riley : I wouldn 't recommend this book unless you feel like exploring the extreme oddity that is polygamous and cultish communities . It tells the story of a woman and her two daughters who run away from their community and try to live in the ' real ' world , juxtaposing their ' rules ' and ' values ' with a society where , to them , anything goes . This book was truly disturbing , and exposed issues you would expect to find in a typical polygamous community , things such as brainwashing , emotional abuse , and incest . I downloaded the She Reads Truth app , which is a great devotional app for both iPhone and Android users . Geared towards women , the app focuses on one particular theme or book of the Bible for a couple of weeks . I just finished the study on ' Hospitality ' , and it was some great insight for me . I realized that I don 't let the Lord lead me to be hospitable enough , and I don 't allow people to see me in my mess [ without guilt , at least ] . Love , Ashleigh The sweet tooth is unpredictable , or at least mine is . Some days I can go without anything sweet , feeling so proud of my resistance to temptation . The next day , though . . . oh ! how it hits me hard . Wait , perhaps it 's hormonal ups and downs ? ! Whatever the reason , I have recently discovered a little something that helps me during that sweet craving slump , specifically during the early afternoon after lunch when I 'm a little tired , and also in the evening when I feel like ending my evening with tasty confections . Mix 1 tsp instant coffee with 1 tsp cacao powder and cover with boiling water in a regular size mug . I usually drink this without any sugar ( I sometimes add a drop of stevia ) , but it hits the spot . If you prefer to add sugar , try a couple drops of stevia , or a little maple syrup . Don 't confuse cacao powder with cocoa powder . Cacao powder is the cacao bean in its purest form . Cold pressed and made into a powder , it contains many health benefits , including antioxidants , fiber , and magnesium . You can get this at natural food stores or any grocery store that has a natural food section . Instant Coffee . I know . I went there . People who know me know I drink my coffee black , so I can tell when coffee tastes bad ( * cough cough Maxwell House cough cough * ) . I picked up Giant Tiger brand instant coffee for a recipe , and was curious enough to try drinking it , too . People , it 's good ! Don 't believe me , try it yourself . In a pinch , when you 're desperate for some instant coffee , Giant Tiger delivers . I have tried to double this recipe to make a giant mug , but for some reason it doesn 't taste as good . So I usually make another cup if I feel like more ( again , the beauty of instant ! ) If you can figure out how to double the recipe to make it doubly delicious , please leave a comment . I have discovered the joys of stevia recently , since it 's a way to add natural sugar taste without the calories OR the added grams . It is actually derived from a plant , and can be found in any grocery store / health food store in either liquid or powder ( like sugar ) form . Be careful to check the label when buying stevia in packets . I made the mistake of buying a brand that added dextrose ! I would be interested to hear if anyone tries this delicious drink , and what you think / how you made it according to your taste . Our poor cat has gone through quite a bit of stress in the past few months . She moved to a new location with her previous owners , then transferred to our place within a month of that and has had to adjust to new owners and lifestyle . So I would not fault her for a little bit of hissing and standoffish - ness { which she is completely over now } . But the spraying on our carpet ? The urination on our bed ? So not cool . I have been doing a bit of research and the latest bit is that , after cleaning up and completely eliminating the smell of her urine in various places in your house , you have to make her litter box irresistible . You have to clean out the poop daily , change over the litter weekly , and make sure it 's in a private location so she feels comfortable . It 's all mind games { including putting aluminum foil over top of freshly washed areas that she previously sprayed on - apparently cats don 't like the sound or feel , so they avoid it ! } I 'm curious to see how it works { including that over - priced organic " Cat Uriinate No - More ! " spray we bought from the pet store } . In the meantime , she is still proving to be useful and boastfully brought out a dead mouse she had caught the other day . She is also quite affectionate at certain times of the day , and plops herself down into our laps no matter how inconvenient the timing . I guess we can keep you , Pepper . . . - My mother always told me that I taught myself how to read , but I can 't even remember learning how to write . It seems like I 've always done it . I vaguely remember drawing out countless letters as I practiced , but I 'm pretty sure my mom worked with me at home even before I went to pre - school . - These have captivated my attention for as long as I can remember . My mom used to buy books for my sister and I , she even ordered them over the phone . We used to die of anticipation before they were delivered to the house . I don 't remember much before " Mandie " books and " The Christian Heritage " series . I remember loving my " Precious Moments " Bible , and I know that my parents read us books before bedtime . Was learning to read and write easy or difficult for me ? - My parents homeschooled my siblings and I over the span of five years . My mom used to set aside time after breakfast for us to write a paragraph about something . I can 't remember if she picked the topic or if she left it up to us , but the practice of writing a little bit every day was strongly encouraged . I was at least 7 or 8 years old , and my sister even younger than that . When I was eleven years old , my sister Melissa got a " diary " for her birthday . I loved the idea of having a place to write my secrets , something I could keep under lock and key , so I got a ' diary ' , too . These earliest writings were extremely childish , angry , and detailed ( down to what we ate for lunch ) . I still keep a journal now , but my entries are much more focused on my devotional times with God and for personal / spiritual change in my life rather than teenage angst and petty drama . I have kept a blog since 2006 , and my blogging persona versus my journal writing persona are different , which I find rather interesting . Writing has helped me to organize my thoughts , to explore my creativity ( I wrote poems as a child and well into my early twenties ) , and it 's challenged me to become a better person . Reading , though , is one of those passions that has never seemed to go away , even though some days ( especially lately ) it looks more like learning how to make butternut squash soup from a pinterest article . I have always enjoyed reading , the more fiction the better , and I have learned new words and explored a thousand worlds . Reading the Bible has changed me as a person , to be more like Christ , and reading other books has taken me into the minds of countless authors , exposed me to thoughts , ideas , and stories I never could have dreamed . Some books I wish I could forget , and some I wish I had time to read a thousand times over . I can 't imagine a world without reading , and I 'm so thankful that my parents encouraged this in myself and my siblings . Why do I want to help someone learn to read and write ? - I want other people , especially children , to have the same exploration that I did as a child , to feel the freedom of a thousand words at their fingertips , to choose from whichever book they want at the library , to have a spate of words to pluck from their minds as they describe their day , to express themselves with ease . Reading and writing give me opportunities to share my thoughts and opinions , and now in this technological age to share with countless readers . I want to nurture this in someone . 2 . Grieving with those who have lost children this week , both born and unborn . May God bring them comfort in their time of pain and grief . 3 . Wondering how to be a mother who both challenges and nurtures her child , without stressing 5 . Thankful I finally got to see my brother play a high school football game , especially since it was the last game of the season ( and they WON ! Go Park Trojans ! ) A Thanksgiving to Remember . . . A year ago today we got to bring Adrian home from the hospital two weeks after he was born . Then we immediately drove two hours north to a Thanksgiving gathering , surprising everyone with our new little addition . As we were driving there yesterday , I couldn 't help but reminisce on the feelings and emotions that I felt last year . . . It was the first time that Jake and I were truly alone with our baby , no nurses hovering , no feeding tubes , no machines monitoring his breathing . Just us parents , whom God entrusted to look after such a tiny , fragile miracle . What a year of learning , of growth , seeing Adrian go from hour and a half long nursing sessions to less than ten minutes ; from sitting with him in the back seat to make sure his head wouldn 't flop forward to giving him Mum - mum 's to eat while I 'm driving . All this and more fills my heart with so much gratitude . Love , Ashleigh Posted by To kick things off , we begin with a celebration of our little guy 's birth . This day last year I became a mother , and boy , has it been a crazy roller coaster of a year adjusting to this new role ! We 're still working out the kinks of parenthood , and I can see that there will be many more learning curves ahead . But oh ! . . . Let Autumn Commence . . . Today was Adrian 's first time going to a library program , and we went with our friends Missy and Levi . The librarian led the kids from birth to two years old in song , play , and stories all about Fall on the Farm . There were leaves to play with , songs to dance to , and stories to hear all about animals on the farm . The older kids even got to make a little craft . Adrian had fun watching the other kids and playing with some of the props that were handed out . What a fun way to start the season ! Posted by So , we got a cat . Pepper is about 2 or 3 years old , and is a beautiful grey colour . She belonged to some good friends of ours who for various reasons were willing to part ways with her . We 're happy to welcome her into our home since we have a bit of a mice problem , and she was rumoured to be very good at catching mice . She 's proving that today , since we 've only had her for five days and she 's already playing with her prey in our sunroom . It 's fascinating to watch a cat play with a mouse , just as it 's traumatic to watch the poor mouse shake and quiver in fear , knowing that its escape attempts are in vain . Some of you may know that I have cat allergies , but I 'm pleased to say that they haven 't been too bad since she 's come . I try to wash my hands soon after petting her , since touching my face causes me to itch and my nose to run . Frequent cleaning and quick passes with the vacuum will also decrease the lingering cat dander . Jake always said we were ' cat people ' . He definitely is , so he is quite overjoyed to have a cat . Neither of us grew up with cats , since both of our families prefer dogs , and larger dogs at that . Our lifestyle right now is perfect for a cat , since they need minimal supervision and maximum independence . Pepper has been warming up to us , greeting us in the morning and letting us scratch her head for longer periods . It will only be a matter of time that she will let us pick her up . . . maybe . I love how much Jake and I learn about each other even after almost four years of marriage , and how often I still have to fight gender role stereotypes . We have recently had an influx of mice poop in the cupboard under the sink , so yesterday found me buying a few traps at the store . I 've never placed bait on a trap , never set one , and most certainly have never disposed of a freshly dead mouse caught in one . I [ wrongly ] assumed Jake had done all of these things [ since he is a man ] , and as I was readying to place a trap in the cupboard last night , I projected my assumptions on to him . Needless to say , miscommunication ensued and frustrations mounted until finally one of us conceded that we 'd gone about things the wrong way . Now with the air cleared , I can see that this isn 't just a one - time happenstance . I have often assumed things about what my husband can or cannot do , will or won 't do , does and does not think based upon my pre - conceived notions of what husbands or men in general do . I don 't take into account that he is his own person . I don 't take into account that he is not my father , brother , grandfather , etc . I place him into the stereotypical male ' mold ' and wonder why he doesn 't just ' fit ' . I love my husband the way he is , and I love discovering new things about him . In the future I want to do better at seeing , understanding , assuming , and accepting him through a Jake lens rather than lumping him in with the general male populace . Radical Thinking . . . " Bless those who persecute you - bless and do not curse " This verse from Romans 12 lay heavy on my heart last night as I was remembering what the Christians in Iraq are faced with daily . They don 't have the luxury of meditating on these words . They are living them out , perhaps struggling with the sheer audacity of the God who demands such radical living . No human being who has ever lived would be able to bless their persecutors , unless the Holy Spirit was dwelling within them , giving the strength to accomplish something so against our natural bent . May I be so strengthened should a time come for me to stand up against an evil that threatens my physical life and the lives of those I love , because of the name of Christ , my Lord and Saviour . I am keeping these dear brothers and sisters in Christ in my prayers . Love , Ashleigh Posted by Here I am attempting to meal plan once more . It 's been a lot of trial and error since Adrian was born , and now that I 'm buying organic veggies from Grand River Organics every week - - and watching bunches of basil and swiss chard rot in my refrigerator - - I would really like to get a handle on the situation . My mind just hasn 't been in the game . I have a panic attack when I think of having people over for dinner . Yeah . It 's that bad . * * Sidenote : My go - to meal for company has been meatball subs , thanks to Jake 's wonderful and reassuring suggestion . I haven 't heard a complaint yet ! Lately it has become the most difficult thing to change Adrian 's diaper . It 's not that he 's overly squirmy , he just hates getting his diaper changed , hates anything to do with taking off / putting on clothing , the whole deal . He cries and squeals in anguish , as if I 'm putting him through a most torturous ordeal . Giving him a toy usually helps distract him , but his legs know what I 'm trying to do , so he still stiffens them in the most unhelpful ways . An analogy came to mind this morning as I was fighting with his little arms to get them through the sleeves . I usually tell him to ' push push push ' as his hands make their way through , and then kiss his little fingers in reward afterwards . We were performing this ritual this morning , he crying , me cajoling , and then I thought about how perfectly this reflects our lives as Christians . So often we fight with God because we feel stuck , we can 't see the end of the ' sleeve ' , if you will , and it 's hard . He 's there constantly , helping us push through , telling us to persevere . Just read this verse from Romans 8 : Yesterday as we were walking , I noticed some Queen Anne 's lace lining the sidewalk . When I was a child , this particular wildflower was one of my favourites , particularly for the smell . I picked a small one that didn 't have a bug in the middle , and held it up to my nose . Ah . That smell brings me back . I held it under Adrian 's nose , and it must have tickled his nostrils , for he laughed , then tried to grab it . He 's usually into eating everything so at first I held it while he looked at it , but then withdrew my hand while he inspected it further . Imagine seeing a flower for the first time . Beauty is all around us . Let 's not miss out on the small moments . I 've fed all the standard things to Adrian , and he is pretty much up for whatever I give him . He really enjoys sweet potato , potatoes , carrots , green beans , beets , and avocados . Yesterday I thought of something a little less boring , using ingredients that I had on hand . I call it Tropical Mash . 1 / 2 avocado Mash up avocado and mango , stir in the lentils , and serve to baby . This would actually be a lovely spread for a sandwich , or on crackers , for adults as well . I 'm thinking add a little goat cheese , or feta , and you 'd be set . Here 's another delicious combination that works for babies and adults : Oh , friends , I wish I could tell you all the amazing things that I 've been whipping up lately . My days get so busy that by 5pm I 'm done for the day . I don 't know what we 've been eating , but it 's not as balanced as I 'd like . I did , however , make stir - fried bok choy as a side with fish and potatoes . I 've never cooked with bok choy before , and both Jake and I enjoyed it immensely . You can find the recipe here : Katherine Parr : A Guided Tour of the Life and Thought of a Reformation Queen , Brandon G . Withrow : Another one that Jake challenged me to read this year . The first half is a bit of history about Katherine Parr , which was a little dry for my taste . The second half are prayers that she wrote , and some of them are amazingly relate - able . Ina May 's Guide to Childbirth , Ina May Gaskin : One of those books you see on display at the library which tickles your fancy . I was curious to see what I would learn from this book , since I 've heard much about this famous midwife from the U . S . The Silkworm , Robert Galbraith : A crime novel written by J . K . Rowling written under her pseudonym . The murder mystery is a great story , and kept me on my toes . I can 't tell you how much I enjoy her writing . She 's fantastic , and she really knows how to make the characters come alive . That being said , one of her characters is quite rough around the edges and swears quite a bit . Amandine , Marlena de Blasi : Oh my goodness , if you like plots set in World War II and enjoy having a good cry , read this one . For all the mothers , get ready , it will tug at your heart strings [ at least it did for me ! ] . Set in France , this heart - wrenching story is about , yup , you guessed it , ' Amandine ' , a little girl who understands the unfairness of life through one tragic scenario after the other . She is incredibly strong for all she has been dealt , and you will cry and cheer her on as you journey with her to find the one thing her heart desires the most . Latley it 's been A LOT of Baby Mozart . It 's surprisingly relaxing , and Adrian thinks it 's hilarious when we dance to it . Readings in my Bible I 've been reading 2 Samuel to Adrian , and have been reading and meditating through Romans , chapter by chapter . Romans 6 has always been one of those places I go when I need to be reminded that , as Christians , we are free from sin , Christ reigns victorious , and there is no need to wallow in guilt ! Love , Ashleigh I can 't count the number of times I have been asked that question . I get it , people are curious , they want to know what my plans are for the future . I wish I had a typical response for them , something like , " Why yes , the day after he turns 1 I 'll be returning to my job as { insert occupation here } " . But aren 't there any other mothers in my camp ? Are there any moms who didn 't really have a full time job before the baby , or who have no job to go back to , moms with the ability and maybe even a little desire to work again after the year is up ( to help hubby with income ) but can 't imagine not spending every day with a face like this ? So I got my TESOL certification , which means that there are no limits to where I could teach , which also means I could teach from home . OR I could meet students in a coffee shop . It doesn 't matter . And yet . In a previous post I told you about Grand River Organics and the order of veggies I had placed . I opted out of the $ 39 box and ordered a bag of organic produce for $ 27 . And this is what I received : On the weekend I discovered Grand River Organics , a company that is committed to working with organic farmers to provide consumers with the best produce they can . For a small fee you can choose a bag or a box , and your produce will be delivered to a convenient location near you for pick - up . It 's like Christmas : you don 't know what veggies / fruits you 're going to get ! I should be sleeping . It 's 5 : 45am . Adrian went back to sleep , so why can 't I ? My mind is abuzz with thoughts . Nana A . passed away two days ago . When Mom told me , I was stunned and saddened , but it wasn 't until I saw her obituary that I could cry . It 's been so long since I 've seen them , but that doesn 't mean I 'm feeling any less happy about losing someone who was very involved in my formative years . She and Papa invested so much time in Melissa and I , looking after us , teaching us , disciplining us [ when necessary ] . They loved us as their very own grandchildren . So what happened ? Why did we lose touch ? Now I 'll be seeing Papa for the first time in years at our pseudo - nana 's funeral . That doesn 't seem right . She was such a gracious woman . I remember how she had so much tenderness for her husband , she was such a model of godly wife - dom . Her eyes crinkled when she smiled . The memories are so disjointed , I 'm remembering her better in certain contexts over others . I 'm so happy she is with Jesus now . No more suffering , no more regrets , pain or grief , no more tears . Thank you , Father , for what a blessing this lady was in my life . I 'm trying to recall a specific Bible verse that she held dear , and all that is coming to mind is Psalm 1 : 2 , 3 . I 'm not sure if that can be related to her memory or not , but there is one specific part that I 'm thinking of : But his [ her ] delight is in the law of the Lord , and in His law [ s ] he meditates day and night . [ S ] He shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water , that brings forth fruit in its season , whose leaf also shall not wither , and whatever [ s ] he does shall prosper . She truly delighted in God 's Word , and her fruit was very evident . We can let bygones be bygones . Papa A . needs us now . He lost his lifelong best friend and love . Spirit , please give him comfort now and especially in the next little while when the days are long and the nights become lonely . He needs Your peace and comfort . It would seem that God had other plans . We looked on Kijiji . We looked on Padmapper . We talked to friends . We need a two bedroom apartment . We looked on Gotta Rent . We even looked in the newspaper . We went to see this disastered dump . We went to see that tiny , cramped basement dwelling . We didn 't want to be too picky , and we wanted to leave some time to pray about our decision , think things through . We looked at about 10 places , some were alright , most weren 't . We wanted to apply to a couple of locations , but " sorry , someone paid the deposit last night " . * Tick Tock * - T MINUS TWO WEEKS We drove 30 minutes out of our comfort zone . We liked that place . Oh yes , storage under the stairs , three unit building , linen closet , HUGE bathroom . Clean neighbourhood . I cried , it 's so beautiful ! Apply . Wait . . . We found another place , perfect location for us , close to church , close to Jake 's work , bonus third bedroom , backyard , deck , washer / dryer , sauna light in bathroom , little gas fireplace , in our price range . { Lord , this is it ! We know this is ' our ' place . Thank YOU for providing at such short notice ! } Apply . Wait . Dream about where the table will go . Pack in earnest . Dream about where the desk willgo . Pick up the phone . We arrived to find two guys building some additions on to the front porch , to make it more aesthetically pleasing . They took us around to the back deck , up the stairs to the second storey , and we walked in to a sunroom , through a tiny kitchen that contained a fridge and full - sized stove , a tiny room with a closet , bathroom with a claw foot tub , bigger bedroom with no closet , and a living room . Interesting . Lots of light , nice wall colour , no laundry hook - ups , not much storage , one year lease . Apply . { We don 't have much options at this point . It 's liveable , not a dump , the landlords are nice , hard - working . } We arrived to find a complex made up of about six apartment building , and a rather harried - looking superintendent , who took us on a tour of two apartments , same price , different layouts . Spacious bedrooms , closets , supply closets , large enough kitchen , pantry , balcony , LOTS OF LIGHT , in our price range . { Could this be the one ? It 's not an ideal location , but we get our first month 's rent free , sweet promo ! } ' Oh , you can apply today , but the girl might not be in the office tomorrow , so it may not get processed until Monday ' { What choice do we have ? We can pray that it will get processed sooner ! } Appl - - J - Hey , your phone is ringing . We arrived to find a multi - unit building and a distracted super . Not to mention the unkempt tenant and ' You can come in , but you can 't look at the bedrooms . Well , alright , just peek inside . ' The super took us to the laundry room in the basement . ' It 's month - by - month . I just look at ya and I say whether or not you can move here . You guys can have the apartment if you want it . I can 't be certain the tenant will be moved out at noon on Saturday . He 's given me a lot of trouble . ' We weighed the pros and cons . We were frustrated . { Two months , Lord , and we 're two days out and you give us TWO to choose from ? ! ! } We called Mark to tell him we were going to be a bit late . Thinking , praying furiously , pacing . We phoned the super to tell him what we decided , and drove over to Apartment 1 , deposit in hand , ready to sign the one year lease . { We 've never signed a lease before ! ! We 're terrified ! } We got the keys , took one more look around , and still felt unsettled . After months of looking , this wasn 't how we anticipated the search to end . However , the move went well , thanks to some very hard - working friends and family . I even found a little apartment sized portable washing machine on Kijiji , which will save us countless trips to the laundromat . We 've been living in our new digs for about a week and a half now , and both Jake and I can say we feel happy and content here . The apartment is cozy , even reminding us of ' the cottage ' at times . And guess what ? We got a call on Sunday from one of the places that originally had declined us asking if we were still interested , The approved applicant changed his mind . I was able to say we are all settled into our new place , silently thanking the Lord for his provision even after the fact , knowing he is abundantly providing for our every need . I am now a certified ESL teacher ! I completed my practicum in April , and received my certificate shortly thereafter . Jake is back to work after taking a 10 - week parental leave of absence . The house feels empty without him home today . We 've moved : ) We 're now closer to our church , and Jake 's work . If you 'd like the address , please mention so in the comment section ! As Sure as the Dawn , Francine Rivers : The third book in the Mark of the Lion series , this is a favourite of mine , and I 'm re - reading it for possibly the fifth or sixth time , maybe more . It 's about a gladiator who is returning to his home country of Germania after earning his freedom from 10 years of fighting in the arena . It 's set in the Roman empire shortly after the death of Christ . I would recommend reading the first two books of the series first , to get his back story . East of Eden , John Steinbeck : I don 't really know what made me read this . I guess I had heard that it was a classic and I wanted to try it out . Well , it was a heavy read , and explored the depths of humanity . I was reminded just how depraved we are while exploring the complexities of the characters . The story follows a man who has two sons , modeling something similar to the story of Cain and Abel from the Bible . The Divergent trilogy , Veronica Roth : A little like The Hunger Games , but , in my opinion , more enjoyable ( OK , I 'll be honest , it had more romance ! C ' mon , give a girl a break . ) This post - apocalyptic thriller will have you on the edge of your seat and rooting for characters as they come of age in a world of uncertainty and chaos . Ashleigh is wife to an amazing man , stay - at - home - mama to a cute little munchkin , a Jesus - follower , and an independent consultant with Jamberry . When she 's not blogging ( which isn 't often these days ! ) she can be found reading at the library with her little guy or devouring chocolate in a corner somewhere . View my complete profile
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Dave took Luke and Jack camping on Thursday , and the plan was for me to meet them after work on Friday . Well , first the campsite was closed , then they could only get one night at another campsite , then they got 2 more nights in another spot , so they had to pack up and move , and then it rained and then the wind blew the rain shelter / tarp into bits . Then I got there and convinced them to go home . Good thing , since Jack threw up all day yesterday . While Dave stayed home with the sickie , I took The One Who Can Not Keep A Secret birthday present shopping . I asked The One Who Can Not Keep A Secret what he wanted to get his dad for his birthday and he said , " A wii game , or a remote control car , or light saber , maybe . . . " I asked him exactly whose birthday we were shopping for and he said , " I KEEP ASKING DADDDY WHAT HE WANTS AND HE KEEPS TELLING ME I DON ' T HAVE TO BUY HIM ANYTHING ! " Sheesh , Ok . SO TOWCKAS and I went to Best Buy because I have been meaning to go there for the last 14 months since the light on the refridgerator starting telling me to replace the filter . I figured we could get a filter and shop for games for the wii . Long story short , we got Wii Little League , and thus began the longest 17 hours of secret keeping that TOWCKAS has had to endure since last year . Oh wait , last year he only had to keep the secret as he helped me carry the present down the hallway . So over the course of those 17 hours there were lots of , " I can 't wait until tomorrow . " " You want to open your present in the morning , right ? " " I can 't wait to play with your present tomorrow Daddy . " Etc . Then , last night during dinner , Dave said , " After dinner , do you want to play Mario Cart Wii or play baseball in the front yard ? " TOWCKAS 's response ? " Wii Baseball ! ! ! ! " Fortunately Dave was walking out of the room , so when we was out of earshot I said , " Sssshhhhh ! Or you don 't get to pick out any more presents ! " TOWCKAS 's response ? " What ! ? I said , we should play baseball ! " Dave likes a pink cake with chocolate icing , so this year , instead of the pink ( strawberPosted by Last week , we had one of Luke 's friends over after camp , and this week , Luke and Jack went to his house . Dave and I had a date ! Yea ! And then , when I was putting Luke to bed , we had this conversation : Luke : What do you do when you are invited to someone 's house and they have a brother . Do you need to play with them ? Me : Are you talking about you and Jack at your friend 's house ? Luke : No ! No , not like that ! Me : OK , what are you talking about ? Luke : Like , um , if you had a friend , with a brother , or a sister , or like , a twin brother , and you are at their house , and you like the sister , but do you have to play with them ? Me : Well , if the sibling wants to play with you , then you would be a polite guest and play with them . But I can imagine times where you 'd just want to play with your friend and then maybe the parent could arrange for that . Are you talking about ( Insert a million examples and a million " No " answers . ) Luke : Long convoluted example that makes no sense , but in which he insisted that the example sibling was at least 4 years old . Me : Are you talking about you and Jack ? Luke : Yes . I don 't want him coming on my play dates . Poor Luke . I had to explain that it wasn 't really a play date for him as much as a date for mommy and daddy . In other news , Luke lost another tooth . This one didn 't seem that loose , but Luke took a kazoo from Jack and put it in his mouth , and when Jack yanked the kazoo out of Luke 's mouth , the tooth came with it . I am sure Uncle John , my loving and caring brother , will be happy to read that the batteries in the Tonka Ambulance that he purchases for Luke about 4 years ago are still going strong . It has a siren , flashing lights , a little song about Tonka and a little saying that goes like this , " Mission Complete , Let 's Head Home . " Or , if you are Luke , you might insist that it says , " Mission Complete , What Ten Ho . " And now Jack has discovered the truck , and he likes to play that song that goes , " It 's Tonka , to the rescue , we 're coming through for you ! " while he does a little dance . I took about 10 videos over 2 days but I could never quite capture the perfect dance . Part of the problem was that Luke was thwarting my attempts by making the truck play the other noises instead of the song . Over and over . This all took place about a month ago , but I 'm just blogging about it now for several reasons . Number one reason is laziness . You wouldn 't believe the ideas I have filed away , with no time to write them all down . Then yesterday , we saw a real rescue vehicle , which was very exciting . Also , I was just hearing that my biggest blog fans , Rose and Anthony , like videos the best , and since my camera is broken I decided to see what I could find in my archives . So here you go : Sometimes it turns out that the first take is the best one : And here is Luke pressing all the wrong buttons for me : Posting here has been light lately , but not for any of the usual reasons : work , laziness , kids not being funny enough , addiction to new TV series , etc . I have been working on another blog , the purpose of which is to raise money to cover some of the leukemia treatment costs for William , the cute little boy above . http : / / williamkaplan . blogspot . com / Luke is a very busy boy this summer . His camp packs more fun into a week then I could probably provide all summer . And in addition to a daily ( awesome ) field trip , he also has two swimming lessons a week and a soccer practice and a game . And we bike to camp almost every day , and that bike ride is 1 . 5 miles straight up hill . It 's serious . The first time we did it , I allocated 20 minutes for the 1 . 5 miles up hill and 20 minutes for the 6 miles downhill to work . I was sad when we got to camp 35 minutes later after much crying and gnashing of teeth and pulling of hair . ( But I made it to work in 18 minutes ! ) The next day I brought a water bottle and a fruit twist for Luke to eat if we got to the top with out any complaining . We got there in 20 minutes with no stopping . Since then , I have forgotten the snack twice and we have had some complaining here and there . Here is an excerpt from our conversation on the way there yesterday : Luke : ( After going really fast for a while ) I need to stop and push my bike . Me : Well , what you need to do is focus on pacing yourself . Pacing yourself means regulating the speed at which you are traveling , so you find a speed that you can keep up for a long period ofLuke : I KNOW ALL THAT ALREADYMegan : You know , when I am talking , and you already know what I am saying , a polite way to respond is " Yes Ma ' am . " That way you communicate to me that you know what I am saying , and you get me to stop talking . But you do in a way that makes me think you are polite and then we are both happy . Luke : ( Silence ) * * Time Passes * * Luke : This hill is really hard . Me : When I have a bike ride that I do a lot that I find challenging , I like to break it up into sections in my mind . Then I can feel a sense of accomplishment after each section . For instance , I 'd break this ride into 4 sections , one for each hill . The first section would start at our house and endLuke : Yes Ma ' am . And then , interestingly , we had this conversation at dinner tonight : Luke : Why do people get divorced ? Me : Some people are much happier when they livePosted by Last week on our way to camp at Buffalo Creek , I said , " I wonder if I should make my own graham crackers from scratch and then make my own marshmallows and then maybe pre - melt the chocolate onto the graham crackers and have a gourmet camping dessert . Does that sound really good , or like the dumbest thing you have every heard ? " See , I had just read a recipe for graham crackers that sounded like fun to try . And I have always loved Martha 's idea of premelting the chocolate . Hmmm . Maybe , I thought , I 'll go for the happy medium and just pre - melt the chocolate on some grocery store crackers and call it good . But happy mediums are not my specialty . I can 't find the middle ground between making marshmallows from scratch on one end and eating oreos for breakfast because I forgot to pack anything else . And then Franz had to go on and on about how he was going to bake a key lime pie for the next camping trip that would be nothing short of legendary , and my old competitive baking instincts kicked in . When we got home from camping on Sunday night , there was this marshmallow recipe just staring up at me and I knew what had to be done . And it was fun . Messy , but fun . The graham crackers were a real hassle , and to my disappointment they are delicious . If they had just been sort of blah I would never feel the urge to make them again . So , now that the hail has stopped , Iwe need to pack the car for this weekend . Right now I have pulled pork in the crock pot and spaghetti sauce on the stove , and I had planned to bake bread at the campsite until I found out that we were out of yeast . I predict our next trip will involve a hot dog wrapped in a piece of bread . Unless I find that happy medium . I got 10 inches of hair cut off yesterday to donate to Locks of Love . My hair looked really , really cute yesterday . Today it looks pretty cute , but a little mashed down from sleeping on it . Tomorrow . . . well , we 'll see how it looks tomorrow . No offense to Dave 's phone , but the phone camera is not as good as my old camera that fell in the sand and was never the same again . But here is the after picture : When Luke started to talk he could say his L 's but for some reason , he had trouble with " Luke " . In fact , I think his Grandmom was really surprised one time when he said , " I 'm Nuke ! " I think there is a fine line with new talkers regarding when to correct and when to just use proper pronounciation yourself and hope they learn from example . But on the day I decided to work on changing Nuke to Luke , we had this conversation : Me : Luke , repeat after me , OK ? Luke : OKMe : La la la la la . Luke : La la la la la . Me : La la la la Luke . Luke : La la la la Mommy . He has a sense of humor , that one . The other one . . . he is in a very impatient phase . He just goes from zero to shrieking in 2 seconds , so I had to trot out that so very new millennium expression , " Use your words . " Jack : AIEEEEAAIEEEEMe : Use your words , Jack . Jack : AAAAIIIIEEEEEEE ! Me : Do you want some more , Jack ? Jack : More , Jack ! We have been calling Luke " Bubba " since Jack was born and Luke decided this week that he doesn 't like it anymore . Which is too bad , because every morning after Jack has seen me and Dave , he calls out a cute little , " Bubba . . Buuuuuuuhbaaaaaaaa " until Luke makes an appearance . So this morning , Dave said , " Jack . Say La la la la Luke . " And a video would be more appropriate for showing Jack 's reply , but if you couldn 't tell by the declining qualities of my photos since our return from Mexico , my camera is broken . So imagine Jack saying the following with his tongue sticking way out of his mouth : La la la la Uke . Luke hates chicken pot pie , but Dave and I love it . Mmm . Chicken pot pie . Whenever we grill a beer butt chicken , I take all the leftovers , and mix them in with chicken gravy and frozen vegetables , and freeze the whole thing for later in an 8x8 pan . Then I take half of this chicken pot pie topping and put it on top of my defrosted pan of leftovers . Mmmm . Chicken pot pie . It 's so good . Well , the last time it wasn 't so good because I kind of tried to improvise the gravy out of chicken stock and chicken . And not much else . And it was sort of yucky . But that is just one time . One tiny little mistake . And really , I have made delicious versions on many , many occasions . And Luke has hated them all . We pretty much always threaten to send him to bed without dinner every time I make it because of his attitude . The rule is , no complaining about my meals unless I say , " How did you like it ? " He knows the rules . So when I got home from work today , Luke was sulking in the back yard because he hates chicken pot pie . Then he came into the kitchen . Luke : What 's for dinner ? Me : Chicken Pot Pie . Luke : I HATE chicken pot pie ! Dave : Do you want to go to your room without any dinner ? And that is when I pulled an awesome parenting trick out of my hat , and asked him to help me make the pie crust . He chopped butter , he pulsed the food processor , he rolled out the dough , he brushed it with egg wash and he cut the little slits in it . And then , at dinner , he ate every last bite . And yet . . . I couldn 't help but be annoyed by his many comments along these lines : - Wow - this is the best chicken pot pie I have ever had . - It 's weird , because this time , I am eating the whole thing and I have never done that before . - I wonder what is just so different about this chicken pot pie that makes it so delicious . OK , I get it ! Your pie crust is awesome . Don 't eat so much , I want leftovers . At least a year or so ago , Luke 's friends saw an America 's Funniest Home Videos episode about different ways to get that loose tooth out of your mouth , and they have been dying for a chance to try some of them out . And that is how Luke came to have one end of a string tied around his tooth and the other end tied to a hippity hop . From May2009Dave and I both find loose teeth to be sort of disgusting , so we had to leave all the string tying to our good friend . From May2009The plan was to throw the hippity hop down the stairs to the basement . It didn 't work , but between you and me , I think Luke was pushing the string off his tooth with his tongue at the last second . I came to that conclusion because in the video , you can hear , " You are pushing the string off your tooth with your tongue ! " I 'd share the video , but it 's just the back of everyone 's head as they crowd around to see the spectacle . After a few tries , Luke said , " Hold onto the ball and throw me down the stairs . " That 's when I decided to stop the madness . This all took place about 2 weeks ago , and I am happy to report that the tooth is finally out . This morning I noticed that the tooth appeared to be about 1 / 4 inch taller than the rest of Luke 's teeth . I think it was just resting on his gums because when he wiggled it with his tongue it just came out . Finally ! This post was supposed to be about how I 've gotten so much smarter since I quit nursing . When I started to write it last week , it went like this : * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Day 12 - I think the brain cells are starting to regenerate . Thought process number 1 : Hmm , what dessert should I make for the barbecue ? A cake ? Cupcakes ? Cookies ? What kind of cookies ? If I said to Dave , " What kind of cookies should I make ? " He would say , " Chocolate with peanut butter filling . " But what 's the point of that when I can 't eat … OMG ! I quit nursing ! I can eat peanut butter again ! This story would make a lot more sense to a lot more people if I wasn 't the only mom on the face of the earth that had been told not to eat peanut butter while nursing . So , yeah , it 's been 18 months . ( And you know what ? Totally worth it , because Jack already has allergies , and I prefer not to have to deal with a peanut butter allergy if I can help it . ) Anyway ! ! ! It only took a week of not nursing for me to re - grow enough brain cells to remember that I can eat peanut butter . As for the dessert , I settled on cupcakes . And my cupcakes turned out like this : Instead of like this . So I think things are getting a little better every day . * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * But that was last week . Last week , I hadn 't been to the grocery store 3 times in a 24 hour period . My most recent trip was to pick up my wallet and cell phone . The manager said , " Had you already canceled all your cards ? " " Ummm . No , I didn 't know my wallet was missing until you called me . From my phone . " It looks like it may take the dummening a little longer to recede than I had originally thought . Or else , it reversed briefly , only to strike again . On the bright side , the transition into full on dementia should be pretty smooth . According to Luke , Alexander didn 't have anything to complain about because at least he didn 't end up in the emergency room . But the way I see it , if you fall out of a tree and end up the E . R . , but it turns out you just have a ( Pause because Jack is throwing up . And . . . I 'm back . ) bruise and a flesh wound , then hey , it 's a good day . Well , that 's what I was going to say before I cleaned up a bunch of vomit . What happened ? Luke fell out of an apple tree and landed on a stump or something . I had my back to the tree , so I didn 't see it , and that seemed to make the nurse think I was a terrible mother . Luke wished Aunt Beth was a nurse at the hospital and I did too ! He got the wind knocked out of him when he fell and he was pretty scared and upset , and he said it hurt to breathe . So off we went . X - Rays showed that everything was fine . I had imagined canceling the whole summer of camp and swimming lessons and soccer and just laying around healing , but instead they said to take it easy for a few days , and no tree climbing for 6 - 7 days at least . Totally doable ! As for Jack , I think we 'll have to see how the rest of the night goes ! Wish us luck ! So , this may be my last post ever about nursing . I mean , I have 14 posts with the label of lactation attached , and there are probably more that I just forgot to label . But it has been a few weeks now , and while Jack did try to nurse today and threw a fit when I gave him a sippy of milk , I am still just going to call it and say he 's weaned . It 's offical . I am sure he was going to throw a fit anyway , because he was one hangry little boy . ( Those of you who get hangry know what I mean right away . Thanks to my sister for sharing the term with me ! Hungry + Angry = Hangry . ) I was worried that the time would fly by and I would forget what it was like to nurse my little Jack , but after a year and a half , I think we are both ready to move on . I have one more story to share that , depending on your perspective , is either adorable or disgusting , and then I retire the topic . I 'm mostly writing it down for me , so I don 't forget . In Mexico , Jack went a whole 24 hours without nursing and I thought , " Oh , that was easy ! " And then the next day he wanted to nurse first thing in the morning , so we did . And he nursed for a little while and then he paused and looked up at me and said , " Num ! " So many boring details about my life so little time to post . Consider yourself spared ! I did shed a tear or two on Luke 's last day of kindergarten . It seems like the first day was just yesterday ! I put him in the same shirt for the last day of school , but we had to go with a different pair of shorts , because he actually grew out of a pair of shorts for the first time ever . Speaking of how Luke never grows out of shorts , I put Jack in a pair of 18 months shorts and I thought to myself , " Hmm . I think Luke wore these until he was four . For some reason I don 't see that happening with Jack . " And then , as I was digging through the unfolded clean clothes pile for shorts for Luke , I decided to play a joke on Luke and I handed him a pair of Jack 's pants ( size 12 months ) to wear instead . He didn 't notice . I had to tell him . I wish I could link to a picture of him wearing these pants 5 years ago , but they aren 't really that cute , so the only picture I have is on a Christmas ornament that the daycare made .
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Hi ! I 'm Manda . After over a year of trying to get weight loss surgery , I FINALLY GOT IT ! ! ! On Jan 20 , 2011 , I had the Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy . It 's a HUGE change , and a wonderful tool . But I still have to work hard to be successful ! Come learn about my ups and downs and be a part of the ride ! Well Christmas came early for me . . . . . NOT . For some reason , as soon as my husband leaves and is unavailable , I get SICK . Last time I had a raging UTI , this time I have a kidney stone . My husband went to go visit and drive back with my Dad who is contracting in Iowa . They don 't get back til Christmas Eve . I literally dropped him off hours before my first major symptom . I had suspected I MIGHT be getting a UTI , due to some occasional sharp pains , and general aching / cramping in my lower back . Well , yesterday around noon , it hit . ( TMI warning ) . I thought maybe it was just horrible gas . . . so I tried to go potty . I 'd had an MRI before , but never a CAT scan . It was simple enough , and within half an hour , the Urgent Care doc called to tall me it was a 3 - 4mm kidney stone . UGH . Not 2 minutes later , my husband instinctively calls ( it dawned on HIM that my pain meds won 't be strong enough , but not on me or the doc ) . I must have scared him to death . I answer the phone , but cannot talk , and can barely breathe . I 'm bawling and almost hyperventilating . He hangs up , and coordinates with mom ( at work ) and my brother to take me to the hospital . My mom got off work early to have someone home with me , and we went and got the Rx together . On the way , I got another wave of horrid pain . I can 't even imagine if I 'd been driving . It only lasted 5 - 10 mins , and I was okay - ish again , and grabbed my meds . So here I am today . I woke up feeling fine , slept through the night well . My out of town doc is getting with my home doc to get me to a urologist . I was doing fine , but as I write this I feel a wave of nausea hitting , and PRAY that 's all it is . So I 'm gonna go . OK , so I apologize profusely for not writing in so long . I don 't always know what to talk about . My main excuse is my husband took ( is taking ) all of December off work , and we have been enjoying each other 's time together . We learned about 2 weeks ago he will be deploying early next year . It was a very last second thing . He had been scheduled to go in 2012 . So , we 're preparing for that as well . I have now accepted it . It was a giant slap in the face at first though . Christmas has changed some in prep of the deployment . I gave my hubby all his gifts right away to be able to wear and enjoy while he 's home . He got some college football shirts and a new jacket , a nice warm throw , and a painting I had a friend make for him of the Green Lantern . ( it goes with his Phantom and Scarface paintings I had made by the same guy ) . I will be an entirely different person physically by the time he gets home . People keep asking me how he 'll react to that . I asked him , and he was like " I don 't know , I am a laid back person - I 'm cool with whatever " . Hee . He makes me giggle . That 's why I couldn 't think of how he 'd react , because he would love me no matter what . I WILL however knock his socks off ! ! ! I attended a support group the day I got my date , and met a bunch of ladies who 'd either had the sleeve or the lap band . It re - inforced that the sleeve is the best option for me . Ladies were saying how after the sleeve , they no longer craved sweets or chocolate , and even sugar free carnation instant breakfast was too sweet for them . But lap band patients were still craving and eating both . The difference is the removing of the hormone production ghrenlin . It 's what makes you hungry and crave stuff . I 'd venture to say that 's what is a lot of us chubby gal 's problem . So that makes me optimistic . Also , they were singing praises of the military hospital and the doctors there . I was nervous about that . I 'm not anymore . Right now we are visiting with family for the holidays . We went all out for my nephews ' present . I spent weeks searching Craigslist for a basketball goal at a good price . ( they had come to visit us for Thanksgiving , and we 'd just bought ourselves one , and the boys LOVED IT ) So I really wanted to surprise them with one . Well , we drove out to see one , and it was literally a piece of crap . There was another that this douche bag was over - selling in his ad , and wouldn 't drop lower than $ 65 . So , we bit the bullet , and bought a new one ( for $ 65 ! ) ! Since my hubby won 't be here next Christmas , he really wanted to go all out this year . So my good buddy ( holla ! ) was fussing at me for not " maintaining my blog " . I originally wanted this to be about my weight loss story , but since that 's not progressing right now , I shall entertain y ' all with my life ! EXCITED YET ? ? ? Oh Boy ! ! I have pulled out my journal to make sure I fill you in completely and leave nothing to the imagination ! Muahahaha ! ! Ok , well , on the 28th , we got one of my kittens fixed . She did very well , but one of the lovely perks of spaying , is they need to be seperated from the others for 10 days . Oy . No jumping , wrestling , playing , or merry making of any kind . So , I transformed the Man Cave into a cozy habitat for my Wiley . Litterbox , waterbowl , lots of blankets and beds , toys , and an open window blinds to peer out of . Wiley wearing the E - Collar Well . . . . the first couple days , she was literally recovering , and was glad for the solitude . There was one point she got bad diarrhea and we had to move her to the bathroom so she didn 't ruin anything in the Man Cave . It was only for a day or two . Once day 5 came around , she was feeling much better , and now wanted company constantly , and wanted OUT . I did my best to go in and visit as often as I could . I 'd spend 10mins - 2hours at a time . . . . I 'd eat breakfast in there , watch TV , etc to multitask . : ) Well , like I said , she was getting restless , so she 'd spend 70 % of her time banging on the door and meowing to get out . Poor Pookie . We attempted to put an E - Collar on her when she started to lick her stitches , but after coming home to her with her are up to her arm pit stuck in the collar , we decided to take it off . Today was RELEASE day ! ! She got her stitches removed , and is now FREEEEE ! She immediately commenced in wrestling with the other kitten we have . I am so glad that 's over , but our other kitten , Patchy will be getting spayed in a month or two . . . . . OY ! ! When my mama was in town a week or two ago , she gave me a nice bread maker . I 've played with it a few times now . I made French bread ( because it was the only kind I could make with no dry milk ) , and then cinnamon raisin bread - YUM ! ! I just adore the smell of fresh baked bread throughout the house . I 'd surprised my hubby with the French Bread when he got back from JRTC . We went to Kohl 's the other day . This is kind of big because I worked there in 2007 , and since the job sucked so bad , I somewhat boycotted Kohl 's ever since . Well , when my mama was here , I opened an account to get a Dyson vacuum ( saweeeet ! ) , and my hubby and I went back the other day . It was an un - advertised night owl , early bird sale , and boy did we clean up ! ! I literally saved $ 240 ! ! I got a new pair of shoes , and they are women 's shoes for the first time in years ! ! They 're white with purple trim ! YAY ! They were $ 11 . 99 plus 20 % off coupon ! We also got some Christmas presents , mostly for ourselves , hehe . I was able to find a good replacement pillow for my couches , and got a bunch . Halloween came and went for us . We don 't really hardly ever celebrate it . We 're not against it , we just don 't have kids , nor are we big partiers . We bought some candy just in case , but not one trick or treater came by . ( too bad ) My hubby has had two 4 - day weekends in a row - both to recover from JRTC . It 's been awesome . We got a TON done . A little " spring cleaning " if you will . It started when I asked his opinion on how to re - arrange my craft room . His brilliant idea ( not being facitious ) , was to clear out the hallway closet for me . And for me to be somewhat ruthless and try and get rid of a lot of stuff , both craft and regular . Boy did that open a can of worms ! ! We moved the stuff from the hall closet to the living room closet , craft stuff to the hall closet , and most of the hall closet / living room closet stuff was to get rid of , and leftovers went in the bedroom closet , which it too was cleaned out ! ! We worked on all that about 2 days rigorously , and the rest of the tiI have come to a conclusion - that we do best when we have " free time " and extra money . We went to WalMart late one night , and we were just gigglie and happy and goofy walking up and down the aisles browsing . It reminded me of when we were first married . I 'm sure it 'd be like that for a lot of couples , huh ? Take away the pressure of work and bills , and everythings great ! Me and my bum leg . I found an ad on Craigslist for a basketball goal , and yesterday we went and got it . We had to take it apart to fit in our HHR , but it worked . It 's so great having it . We played some HORSE , then went to WalMart , and I got a PINK ball ! ! Yay ! ! Our next item for it will be a ball return . I love playing , but I can play SO much longer when I don 't have to chase the dang ball . My foot just gives out on me so quickly , I try to make it last as long as I can . It 's so fun spending that time with him though . idn 't he cuuute ? ? That 's the main stuffs that has occurred the past week or two . My hubby will be having a good chunk of vacation coming up , and we 're really looking forward to it . He needs the time off , and I know we 'll get some more projects done . We 're gonna finish painting the bathroom soon - before company comes for Thanksgiving ! Posted by Ok , so it 's 5 days until my Nutritionist appt , and she is having me journal everything I eat , and when I eat , and why I eat for 3 weekdays , and 2 weekend days . It 's a challenge to remember to do it , but I got into the swing of it again quickly , flashbacking to my weight watcher days . I try not to let my writing influence what I ate , to keep it real , but just the fact that you are conscious of what you eat , restricts what you eat . It was kind of like a pre - mini - diet . At 9 : 00 is my nutritionist appointment . I go to check in , and the old bats at the desk are all flustered and confused and send me to wait . When they call me back up , they tell me that my appointment was cancelled because insurance did not approve it . UMMM CRAP ? ? ? So , I call the surgeon 's office , and they confirm that insurance was denied , that it just wouldn 't cover the sleeve done by a civilian doctor . Well , I get back to my car , and do the only thing I have a choice to do . I call the Army Hospital . I am still on their bypass list . ( ohhhh , quick flashback . . . . ) A week or so ago , before the Hospital A seminar , I get a call from the Army hospital head nurse telling me they won 't be doing any bypasses til after the first of the year . Me , being honest to a fault , tell her I am attempting to have surgery at Hospital A . She asks if I 'm having the sleeve done , and when I said yeah , cuz that 's all they offer , she says " oh , well , I can offer you the sleeve surgery on the 21st of this month . You 'd have to start your liquid diet now . " JAW ON FLOOR . Wow , tempting . But I REALLY want to have it done at the nice , clean civilian hospital , and my husband won 't even be home until November anyhow , so thank you but no . I asked about dates in November , and again , she refused to say anything . Ok , back to present day . I call this head nurse back , and ask to switch from bypass to sleeve at the army hospital . She informs me that I will be going from # 2 to . . . . . . . . . . . . # 10 ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! When I hem and haw , she advises me to go with the surgery that I think is right for me , not just the one that will happen sooner . So , RELUCTANTLY , I remove myself from Gastric and # 2 , and onto the sleeve list at # 10 . UGH . Then I just lose it . An entire year comes crashing down on me at once . 6 months of waiting on a non moving list . . . . . I am in the parking lot bawling . I just know I won 't get this surgery done for another 6 mos to a year . My husband is gone for the month , so I call him ( praying he 'll actually pick up ) and leave a blubbering bawling message for him about what happened . My mom was in town overnight , and she didn 't pick up either . When she calls back , she has a near heart attack thinking I 'd been in an accident . She does her best to calm me down , and have me look on the brite side . BAH I SAY ! ! After having journalled for 5 days , I 'm sort of ready . I just don 't know what kind of diet . I can 't exercise worth a crap due to my bum foot , and I have no money for weight watchers . I do know the program though . I 'm soooo frustrated and beat down . Mom says things happen for a reason , and if I hadn 't tried to switch , I wouldn 't have changed my mind to the sleeve , so I guess she 's right . I 'm just ready to start my new life , you know ? ? So , here I sit , writing my tale . I know I skipped a bunch of details , but I 'll probably get to them one day . I do plan on posting pictures showing my progress both pre surgery diet and post surgery ( if it ever happens ) . OK , so we decided to go ahead with Gastric Bypass . This is a big deal , because if I ever brought it up for myself , or my mother for my dad , it was a touchy subject , and a big deal . The possibilities of complications or death made it too scary to consider . But after doing my Pro / Con list , we saw that the good outweighed the bad . Namely : it would help my foot A LOT , it would reverse my prediabetes , and my PCOS , so I could get prego . Oh yeah , and I 'd lose weight . I figured giving up food would be a good exchange for all that . So I went to my PCM ( primary care physician ) , and he gave me a referral to have it done on post . When having it done on post , the bariatric surgeries fall under General Surgeries . Therefore , basically EVERYTHING gets precedence over you . You are not an emergency , and it 's an elective surgery . Ugh , oh well , so I continued . I went to the Bariatric Seminar , which is mandatory for all possible candidates . I was screened , passed all the criteria , and learned about the differences and risks and yadda yadda yadda in the lap band , vertical sleeve , and gastric bypass . To me , the LapBand wasn 't aggressive enough . It restricted your food intake , but that was all . The sleeve removes 7 / 8th 's of your stomach , which restricts intake , and removes the production of the hunger hormone - ghrelin . And lastly , the bypass seperates by staples an egg / walnut sized pouch from the rest of your stomach , and then reroutes your intestines from the pouch , to about a foot lower on the intestine tract , than it originally was . ( hence the name bypass ) . This causes malabsorption , which causes MASSIVE and fast weight loss . Because you are not absorbing most of what you eat , and you can 't eat hardly anything . When I asked why a person would choose the sleeve over the bypass , the Colonel doctor told me that when dealing with ulcers , or gallbladder issues , its better to have your stomach there , rather than removed . Well , that was good enough for me , and I wanted results quickly , so I got on the list for Bypass . Well , scratch that . I decided on bypass . First though , I had to have a psych evaluation to prove I was sane enough and had a support system , and not an obsessive eater . I do have an obsessive personality , so I was really sweating this evaluation . I got a letter from my podiatrist stating the benefits of the surgery on my foot . I told him about my previous bouts of depression , but that I am in counselling , and it 's not an issue anymore . The psychiatrist dude took like 5 minutes , talked at me more than to me , and then sent me to take the test . It was a general test , and stupid questions , so he advised to not overanalyze the answers , just do what fits you most . The 3 hour slotted appt lasted 30 mintues . Ok . . . . so here comes another conflict . My husband gets scheduled to go to BNCO ( pronounced B - Noc , Basic Non Commissioned Officer school ) , a 3 month stint in Virginia from June 1st - Sept 1st . Well , I had NO clue when my surgery would be , but there was a GOOD chance it 'd be in that window . So , his commanders told him if I could get them a letter stating my surgery date , he could get out of it . Well , I tried , and the psych eval still hadn 't gone thru . So , I called and begged the receptionist lady to push it through . She did , and told me , " in a year from now , I want you to look in the mirror at your new self and remember me " . So , I get put on the list . I am # 3 , and the head nurse says over and over how she can 't give me any guesstimation of when I will have my surgery , because she has no idea . Well , it was a miracle that he was able to get out of BNOC on the potential of surgery . So , I 'm waiting . I call back every 2 weeks to a month , and I get a hint from a nurse that surgery could be potentially 2 weeks per person on the list . ( and I 'd moved to # 2 ) . So , I am thinking and telling people " surgery this summer " . I even get " confirmation " from the head nurse that it could be July or August . Months go by , and it becomes " August or September " , then " September or October " . And as always , the Army keeps assigning my husband out , and he was scheduled to go to NTC for a month , and JRTC for a month . Again , we 're worried surgery will happen during this time , so he is able to stay on rear detail for one , but has to go to another . And . . . . . still no surgery . Still # 2 . Still living pre - surgery life and eating foods I will be giving up forever . Still living in constant anticipation . At the end of September , I finally decide to start looking into going to a civilian hospital . A friend had just had the sleeve done there , and was in and out with the whole process in a month . The main difference , she paid cash , I am using army insurance . So , I call two local hospitals , get the ins and outs , and what hoops I 'd need to jump through . I learn that I 'd basically have to start over . I 'd have to take their seminar , get my psych eval transferred over , meet with their docs , and get on the bottom of the list . Hospital A doesn 't do the bypass , only sleeve or lap band , but could do the surgery " in the next month " . Hospital B offers bypass , but there was no chance I 'd have surgery before next year . So , I research the sleeve , and the differences , and came to the conclusion that I 'd be happy with that surgery . I get on their pre - seminar list , fax over the psych eval , and whatever they needed . A month later , I go to the seminar , and am really excited . They have openings for November , I like the surgeon , and had an appt with him the next day . Well , Hi , and welcome to my new blog ! This is my first blogging experience , so bare with me . My name is Manda , and I have been trying for a year now to have weight loss surgery done , and have gone through a lovely rollercoaster , with still no results . Today was a particularly devastating day , so I decided I needed to vent and express myself some , and maybe someone out there would wanna hear about it , or heck , maybe even benefit from it . Ok , so about me : I am a big girl . Ha , bet you couldn 't guess that ! ! I am a goof , I love to laugh and smile , though I admit , I don 't always do it . I LOVE LOVE LOVE animals of every shape and size , and have my own personal zoo at home . ( I 'm sure I will be referencing them sometime ) . I am an Army wife . One of the biggest influences on this rollercoaster ride , is the military insurance and hospital . I love to scrapbook and make cards , and well , anything that gets my creative juices flowing . It 's an addiction , I admit , but one I love ! ! Since I was about 9 maybe , I started to get chubby , and have struggled with my weight my entire life . I have a couple contributing factors ; I have PCOS - polycystic ovarian syndrome . http : / / women . webmd . com / tc / polycystic - ovary - syndrome - pcos - topic - overview I have gone on many diets many times , and was most successful about a year ago with Weight Watchers . I lost almost 55 lbs . I attribute a large portion of my success to my husband being deployed , because I could control what foods came into my home . Between him coming home , and my hurting my foot , over the next year , I put it all back on . ( I 'm not blaming my husband for my weight gain , its just a factor . He can eat anything without gaining a pound , and we can only afford one set of groceries , ya know , anyways . ) Regarding hurting my foot - in summer of 2009 , I was doing WW and training for their 5k challenge . To train , I 'd go to the gym , and every day I would walk the 5k as fast as I could . Well , I already had Plantaar Fasciitus , so I wore orthodics , and had a lot of pain after being on them a while . Then I began walk / running and one day , my foot got to hurting like it always does , and the pain never went away . I saw a doc , and the xray showed a heel spur . I went to a podiatrist , and he said I have a torn ligament , so I was put into a cast for 6 weeks . I still had pain , so now he thinks its ligament and nerve damage . That 's where the WLS ( weight loss surgery ) came up . A nurse at the podiatrist shared her story with gastric bypass , and she and the doc agreed that my losing a significant amount of weight would help my foot issues . So , around January 2009 , I made a pro / con list , talked it over with my husband and decided to pursue gastric bypass surgery . ok , I have a housefull of hungry animals , so I will continue in another post ! Hi , I am Manda , a 28 y / o soon to be divorcee . No kids , but lots of " fur babies " . I had WLS in Feb this year , and am just shy of - 90 lbs so far .
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This coming week is essentially full of Catholic Kids ' Camp . The camp is run by two very talented sisters and a whole host of volunteers . The kids go from 9 - 1 and this year I have two that are participating , three that are helping and I get to take pictures . It is always a fun time for everyone , albeit very tiring . Some friends gave us some zucchini two weeks ago and I just now got around to doing something with it . I made two zucchini breads that we ate for breakfast , and a chocolate zucchini cake , 2 / 3 of which I 'm giving to a family that just had a baby and the rest that we get to split amongst ourselves . We love this zucchini cake ! The rest of the week is nowhere near as exciting as that as far as food is concerned . " Peace , as Augustine has said , is not the absence of activity or effort , but the tranquility of order . Where there is order there is peace , even in the midst of strenuous activity . Where there is one will - God 's Will - there is order . It is only where there are two wills - God 's and mine - that tension and disorder prevail . " Wow . That is a lot to ponder and keep in the forefront of your mind . God 's will alone should direct my life . The dark night is what purifies us of our own will and if we can float through it , we will arrive at this place . At the conference , I picked up Ginny Seuffert 's new book " It Doesn 't Have to be This Way ! " . I love to listen to Ginny so I 'm sure her book is bound to be good . It 's a short read so I 'm looking forward to diving in . Besides that I listened to all the talks I had listed yesterday and , of course , they were all very good . It was driven home to me , AGAIN , that I need to finish my current read so that I can begin reading " Introduction to the Devout Life " by St . Francis De Sales . I 'm really liking what I 'm hearing from him , so I 'm looking forward to getting started . This is an exciting picture for me that we took Friday evening . In this picture you will see Regina Doman , the wonderfully talented Catholic author , her newest book " Rapunzel Let Down " of which I took the cover photo for , and me . Some of my girls and I went out for ice cream amidst a downpour with Regina , her wonderful husband Andrew and their son Thomas . A great time was had by all . I finally feel excited about the upcoming school year . I think I have a good game plan , so now I just need to firm it up and see how it is all going to fall into place . Hope you 're having a great weekend ! Today is the 6th day of our 7 Posts in 7 Days and as you read this I 'll be heading to or attending the IHM Conference in Chicagoland . I 'm very excited to finally be able to go as I have missed the last couple of years . It will be fun to meet up with friends , listen to a great line - up of talks and browse the vendor tables . Happy Feast of St . Joachim and St . Anne ! Aren 't these the most beautiful flowers ? Ms 10 yo had a tea party for her birthday this past week and we asked all her friends to bring a flower for a friend bouquet and this is what one of the girls brought . I 'd like to direct your attention to the Life of Fred math pages on my website . I am trying to sell off the rest of the stock I have on hand as I 've decided not to order any more books because it just isn 't cost effective for me to do so . If you 're looking to buy Life of Fred books for the upcoming school year , please consider purchasing them from me : ) Thanks ! I 'm so excited that the IHM Chicago conference is this weekend . More about that in Saturday 's post ( I mean really , I 'm participating in the 7 posts in 7 days thing , so I need to save some fodder for day # 6 ) . Friday night , however , some of my girls and I are heading up there to meet up with our favorite Catholic author and her hubby , Regina Doman . We haven 't seen them since about this time last year , so we 're looking forward to seeing them again and catching up ! ( Not that I 'm name dropping or anything . ) I still am having a dickens of a time trying to figure out our curriculum for this coming school year . I know it is fast approaching , and I know this is why some people sign up with a provider so they don 't have to make these decisions each year . I , however , just can 't do it . I 've thought about it every year , but when push comes to shove , I just can 't do it . My kids all learn different and I 'm so particular that I feel like things go smoother when I can pick and choose my own stuff . Hopefully the conference this weekend will help provide me with some direction . Because we haven 't been busy enough , next week begins our four day participation in Catholic Kids ' Camp . This is an awesome program developed and directed by three ambitious sisters ( not Sisters , mind you ) we know . It 's a totally Catholic VBS ! The kids absolutely love it , but it is four long days to be sure . This week 's weather has been absolutely gorgeous ! Sunny and in the 70s - low 80s during the day and into the 60s and even some upper 50s at night . And it only makes sense that it 's been gorgeous this week because they came and finally were able to fix our air conditioner ! We ran it Monday afternoon just to make sure it worked , but then turned it off and have been enjoying the coolness of the week instead . Why does it always seem to work out that way ? Conference on Saturday , an informal wedding reception in the evening and not a thing but Mass on Sunday . That 's the way I like to end my weekends , especially when a busy week will be following ! Hope you have a safe and holy weekend . For example , we have a wonderful family in our homeschooling circle . This family knows everyone , greets everyone , makes friends wherever they go . They are very involved in their parish and in the Catholic community at large . Their children have had amazing opportunities and they have accomplished many things in their young ( teen to early 20s ) lives . Many people have always looked to them and said , " Boy , why can 't my family be like theirs ? " or " Why can 't my children be as accomplished , or perfect , or polite ? " While it is good to look to those types of families for inspiration and ideas , in no way can you ask those questions out of disdain for your own family or children . God has called that family to an amazing , evangelizing type of life . He has not called too many other families we know to that same standard . When others try to follow in their footsteps , if that is not the path God has chosen for them , they will not be successful and will end up feeling even worse . This lesson is SO important ! It is a temptation to compare yourself to someone else . Ask the Blessed Mother to take that temptation away from you . Pray that God will give you guidance on your own path to follow . Learn from others but always double check if that is what God wants YOU to do . Homeschooling naturally lends itself to this type of mentality . If I find myself in the comparison mode , I try to snap out of it as fast as possible because it usually doesn 't end up anywhere good . Just because your neighbor seems to be able to do everything right , doesn 't mean that you are doing something wrong when things don 't work out for you . God gives each of us the graces we need to live the life He wants us to live . It is simply our job to utilize all of them . At various times in my life I have to admit to being inordinately attached to all of the above . This past week when our a / c was broken I found out how attached I was to it . I might not use it a lot , but I want to know it is there when I need to use it . It was a good thing that last week came on the heels of my retreat because I needed the extra graces to keep my temper at a cooler temperature than my house was ! There was much time spent on retreat looking at and talking about what it is that we are attached to that is keeping us from giving everything over to God . There 's always going to be something . At first it will be the big things , but as we progress in the spiritual life , those things will start to get more subtle and harder to weed out . I mentioned above about being inordinately attached to one 's children . Father gave the example of how that can play out . When a child goes to his mother and explains to her that he feels he has a vocation to the priesthood a mother with an inordinate attachment will try to talk him out of it for her own selfish reasons . Of course her reasons might not seem selfish at first , but if she really looks at them , she will realize that the thought of giving her son totally over to God is more than she wants to handle . This is one big way in which a mother can be inordinately attached to her child . What is keeping us from trusting in Him fully ? What is keeping us from letting Him plan out our lives , our months , our days ? What is keeping us from giving Him back all that He has given us so that He can use it for His purposes in our lives ? This is a lot to think about , but the goal is to find something that we need to detach from and then come up with a resolution that says how we are going to do that . God Bless ! Austerity is defined as the state of being austere . If you 're like me , that doesn 't mean a hill of beans . Let 's try that again . From the Free Dictionary Online : aus • tere ( ɔˈstɪər ) adj . 1 . severe in manner or appearance ; strict ; forbidding . 2 . rigorously self - disciplined and severely moral ; ascetic ; abstinent . 3 . without excess , luxury , or ease : an austere life . 4 . without ornament or adornment ; severely simple : austere writing . 5 . lacking softness . The priests last week on retreat mentioned the virtue of austerity quite a bit . When looking at the above definitions , I would say that they were referring to the third definition - without excess , luxury , or ease . We spent a lot of time meditating on what it means to live a life of austerity . Sometimes scrupulosity gets the better of me and one day during this topic it did . I started to scrutinize every thing that I had bought recently and wondered if I had started heading down the wrong path - the one away from God instead of towards it . For someone without scrupulosity , you might laugh and think I 've lost my marbles . For someone who knows how this can rear its ugly head , you understand the turmoil I was in . I talked to one of the priests about it and he brought me back into perspective . Living the virtue of austerity is a matter of balance . He gave me two examples which I think are beneficial for keeping things in perspective . The first was someone who needs to purchase a new car . They have the money to buy a Mercedes , but do they really NEED to buy a new Mercedes . Mind you , there 's nothing sinful about buying one because they legitimately have the money to do it , but for someone who is trying to live a life of austerity , could they buy a much less expensive , but still fully functional , car - say maybe a new Honda or something of the sort . Either car would get them where they needed to go , so it comes down to a matter of whether or not they need to spend the money on a more expensive , comfortable car . He also gave me another example . On flying a discount airline from Chicago to Detroit , the cost of the ticket is about $ 30 . For that price you get a seat but virtually no leg room . As you board the plane , they inform you that you could upgrade your seat to one with more leg room for an additional $ 20 . Assuming the person is in no great NEED of additional leg room ( they have no impediments or what - not ) , do they really need to spend the additional money for more leg room for that short flight , or could they save the money and use it for a better purpose ? The person trying to live austerity would , of course , deal with the lack of leg room and use the money elsewhere . Again , there is no sin in spending the extra money to be more comfortable - none at all . The question comes down to whether or not you really NEED to . The point of all of this during our retreat was for us to really look into ourselves and decide whether or not we were giving all we had to God or were we using our material goods in ways that could be improved upon . Can we give it all to God to use as He wants us to use it ? That would be living austerity . Or do we tend to use our material goods for the way we want to ; for our own comfort , entertainment , fun , ease ? Again , not in ways that are sinful , but in ways that maybe we could let go of . I 'm joining Jen over at Conversion Diary in her link up for next week : 7 posts in 7 days ! Sounds like fun . Sounds like a challenge . Sounds like something I can do because I was kind of already planning on doing it and just happened upon this this morning : ) . Oh well , check back all week , Monday through next Sunday , for exciting and thought provoking posts ! I 'm pretty sure I 'll be posting about some thoughts from my silent retreat , so it 's sure to be rich ( or at least I 'm hoping it will be ! ! ) . I had to really stop and think about why my shoes were so carefully placed in the car like that . Took me a few minutes , but then I remembered . But wait , maybe I shouldn 't tell you why , because if I told you , then you would have nothing to think about . So , if you 're game and you have any ideas as to why my shoes would be left in the car like that , then feel free to drop me a comment . Otherwise , I 'll see you tomorrow ! Hot . I 'm tempted to just type that seven times and call it quits . I understand it 's been hot all over the country and now I have even more compassion for people who have to suffer the heat and high humidity without the comfort of air conditioning . I figure ours will get fixed next week when it 's nice and cool out . Well , at least the a / c guy won 't almost pass out while fixing it like he did while working on it this week . See , there 's always a bright side to everything . One drawback to having a big camera is that you can 't just carry it with you everywhere you go . If I had a camera with me this week I 'd have taken a picture of how we kept cool on Tuesday afternoon . We took Ms 10 yo to the mall to get her ears pierced and she was smiling ear to ear ( at least she was after the pain wore off ! ) . So in this spot , picture a cute , black haired , dark eyed little girl with pretty white flower earrings on her ears . Carrying on with that theme , in this spot I would have a picture of the cute little tea room that I took my mom to on Thursday for her birthday . This place is SOOO cute and the food is awesome . So here you can picture all these cute little tables with pretty flowers and little lamps and cute napkins and table cloths and elegant tea cups and delicious food and a smiling mom . So much for getting to my to - do list this week . It was the one week I had to stay home and get a bunch done , but even picking up my fork made me break out into a sweat . I am so grateful that we have a stove in our basement so that we can cook in relative comfort . If there wasn 't mold in the basement , I might never come out of it ! Alright , that is it about the heat and our lack of a / c , I promise : ) Our big blue van is old , I think we 're almost to 250 , 000 miles but the thing is still getting us where we need to go . The other day , however , it started doing this weird thing that had us all wondering what was going on . I had hit a bump when all of the sudden the power locks started humming and going up and down and we couldn 't grab them fast enough to keep them unlocked . This went on for awhile and finally it stopped and we were able to get out of the car without fear of not being able to get back in . Not sure what it was all about , but I hope it doesn 't happen again ! I 'm so glad we don 't have any kind of TV . We spent the afternoon at my mom 's in the a / c with the TV on and what a bunch of time wasting junk . The kids are always glued to it when we 're somewhere with a TV because we never sit around and watch shows , but I am glad that this is not an option every day of the week . Coming up next week : News about Life of Fred Math books on my website and notes and thoughts from my silent retreat last week . This weekend will hopefully be cooler and not too busy , thankfully ! Have a great weekend ! This week 's theme had me stumped at first . I was thinking more along the lines of bright colors or the bright sun and trying to figure out what I had taken pictures of recently that were really bright . Lo - and - behold , Ms 17 yo pops her head around the corner and says , " sparklers " , and she 's right . Once we returned home from vacation we lit some sparklers and I played with my new camera to try a few things out . Here are the " bright " results . Hope it 's okay that I picked 8 of them : ) By this time , mind you , I could see their eyes slightly glazing as I kept waxing on about how I wanted them to experience this and then that , just like I had when I was their age . But this time , I really meant it . They would be in for a real treat . Not sure they believed me at first , but they went along with it . We saved this event for the last hurrah of the week and we were not disappointed . Given the advances made in all things in the years since I was younger , this was an incredible show of what the human body is capable of . I am always awed by the strength , grace and daring that God gives to us human beings . This was incredible . Two of the guys jumped off a ramp , crossed over each other , as well as jumping over the two guys who stayed on the water . Talk about strength and daring ! Got to see a few pretty good wipe - outs , too . Fortunately , everyone on this night was okay . When I was younger , I remember seeing one of the girls slam into the pier . Not cool . It isn 't a great ski show without a few pyramids . I love water skiing , so to see the skill of these young people is truly inspiring . If I can ever get myself strong enough again , I want to get back up on that water ski ! Maybe next summer : ) If you 're ever up in the Minocqua area , I highly recommend this show ! In the entire state of Wisconsin , there are two places that house a wonderful , all - you - can - eat restaurant named " Paul Bunyan " . It is set up in the fashion of an old logging camp with long tables and benches ( or at least they used to have benches , as , much to our disappointment , we were sitting on chairs ) to sit on . They serve your meal family style , and while they serve lunch and dinner , our favorite is the logger 's breakfast . I can 't stress this enough when I say we 'd been looking forward to this breakfast for months . Not , mind you , because of the all - you - can eat pancakes , biscuits and gravy , sausages , ham , bacon and yummy potatoes . No , none of those . It was those heavenly donuts that have been gnawing at our stomach 's for lo the past six months . It 's not just us , either . People come from far and wide to get at those donuts . The day finally came for us to load up and head on over to Paul 's . We stood in line , finally got to our table and the moment arrived : the first plate of donuts was there . MMMM , just as good as we remembered ( since it had been about 8 years since the last time we 'd had them ! ) . The kids all sat at one table so I wasn 't able to keep an eye on what was going down . After we were all done , Mr 8 yo came over to our table looking like this : He sat on his dad 's lap for awhile and then started moaning that his tummy hurt and that he NEVER wanted to come here again . After a few minutes of this I suggested that maybe my husband should take him to the bathroom . I got a bit nervous as I saw his body heave a bit as he was walking down the middle aisle of the very full restaurant . Fortunately , he made it at least to the doorway of the men 's room before it all came up . At first the kids were blaming it on all of the food he ate . Once they gave me the rundown I still was skeptical since , when he wants to , that kid can pack a lot of food in . Then they told me about the two cartons of chocolate milk that he downed and I knew I had found the culprit . You don 't drink that much milk on a full stomach when you never drink milk ! ! Plain and simple - this kid has always drunk almond milk , very rarely cow 's milk , so putting that much milk on an already full stomach is bound to make anyone lurch . There have been so many things to be grateful for these past two weeks . We had a wonderful , relaxing vacation with beautiful weather . I went on my yearly silent retreat last week and it was amazing as usual . There will be more specific posts about these in the coming weeks . I am also grateful that at this moment there is a man outside fixing our 6 month old air conditioner that shouldn 't have broken , but did . He will hopefully get it running before this week of 90 degree temps and high humidity really get going ! UPDATE : He did NOT get it going and doesn 't know when he will be able to . Ugh . I know it is a small trial compared to some , but it is one I am not too good at dealing with . I am also grateful that the next two weeks don 't have any huge commitments ; maybe I 'll get caught up : ) And finally , on this day , I am grateful for the wonderful gift of my mother , whose birthday it is today . Happy Birthday , MOM ! ! ( Okay , so she doesn 't read my blog , but who cares , right ? ) Getting back into the swing of routine meals again . I think this week is a chicken recipe in the crock pot for tonight , Turkey Tetrazzini , broiled and marinated pork chops and peaches and Shepherd 's pie . As much as I 've enjoyed the good food of the past two weeks , I 'm looking forward to getting back to our usual eating routine and not so much junk ( okay , fine , not so many desserts , and pop , and really good sugary snacks and chocolate . . . ) Lunch with my mom for her birthday at this adorable little tea shop my daughter found . It is so cute and has some wonderful food . Other than that , I plan on tackling that To - Do list with a vengeance . Oh , and I 'll probably get back to exercising again . I think . I am bound and determined to keep up with reading now . Spiritual reading , especially , is so important . The goal is 15 minutes a day , but I know once I just sit down and get started I 'll get more time in than that . Right now I 'm finishing up " When the Well Runs Dry " by Thomas H Green . I have been trying to finish it up for awhile , but I picked it up again on retreat and God 's timing , of course , was perfect . For my son who is at camp this week that they will have a safe , holy and fun time . For the many graces I need each day to keep to my resolutions : ) For this crazy world we live in , that peace will reign some day soon . I have so many pictures to share but haven 't had the chance to weed through them yet , so I 'll just share our family photo that we took from atop the Porcupine Mountains in Michigan . Behind us you can see Lake in the Clouds . This was an amazing place to be . I love to admire God in the beauty of His creation ! By far , one of the high points ( pun intended ) of our vacation .
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Whew ! African Blues is finally under the needle but it was a chore . First of all I had to sandwich and baste it on two card tables ( which I had to go and claim back from my neighbor who never returned them from her summer garage sale ) . It was too big for it but that was as close as I could get to be able to do it . It took me FAR too long to sandwich it . It just would not line up right and first one side was too short then the other side . First the top was off side and the back was short . Then the back hung over and the top was too short on one side . Yeah , perhaps it wasn 't the best day to start this . I turned it over , holding my breath while I did so , to see how it looked . I had mixed feelings when I did so . I haven 't finished quilting it but I do have the vertical lines in and that when I noticed a couple of problems . One is that when it is done I will probably have some areas where it might be a little puffier or not " quite right " . I will live with that . Yep , that 's when you know you 're ready to give the project away . You mentally start to distance yourself from it . This one has pissed me off enough ( but I enjoyed doing it ) that I can let it go . The second thing I noticed is that it will pick up all the lint around the place ! I will have to heavily defuzz it . It is all cotton but it really acts a bit more like a flannel . Look at all the fuzz flakes ( new quilting term ) ! I 'm done quilting it for today . Tomorrow is another day and then I 'll figure out how I want to finish quilting it . Of course it won 't be finished quilting until I run to the store tomorrow and get more thread . Yes , that is another thing that happened . Ran out of bobbin thread . It 's black . Really ! How did I run out of black thread ! LOL . I hope everybody is surviving the holidays ! It 's been a good one for me , if you discount that the post that holds up my computer monitor decided to break and my computer fell over on top of my keyboard . Nothing broken though ) . For me that means relaxing a bit and chatting with one of my best friends A LOT ( all over the phone . . . hehehe ) . Shall I talk about food first of all ? I decided to freeze up some meals so I wouldn 't have to cook as much during this break . That means I did a crock pot full of Beef and Cabbage soup as well as a crock pot full of Pork and Hominy Chili . I also made a Bacon and Potato Casserole . For Christmas Day I made a Cornish Hen and scalloped potatoes and had some Lindt chocolate for dessert . Today I made Russian Tea Cakes . Now I 'm all cooked out for a bit but that 's ok . It leaves more time for crafting and naps . At work Theresa , a co - worker and the one I helped do the t - shirt quilt before , asked me to help her make a Christmas gag gift . I said ok but wasn 't too sure since we had less than one lunch hour to do it . Can you tell what this is suppose to be ? I don 't blame you if you can 't . I wouldn 't have known and I was the person who was helping to make it ! The white batting is actually the pattern . I took my material and pinking shears to work to cut down on sewing . I just did a running stitch by hand around the batting . AND . . . . this is the result . Theresa was to put a snap on the Horse blanket . So here is the story . A family member has this horse which by now has only 3 legs . This horse goes EVERYWHERE with them and is always showing up in family pictures and vacations , etc . So she thought it would be cute to make a horse blanket / saddle for it . The problem is that the family member seldom lets this horse out of his sight . She finally managed to sneak the horse into the bathroom one day and took string in with her . We had two pieces of string to determine if our blanket would fit . One for the circumference of the horse and an even shorter piece of string to show how far we had to taper it to fit underneath . I think we did pretty good all things considering . There was a brown blanket that we made for it also . LOL . Theresa said that everybody had a good laugh over it . I managed to get the test blocks done and mailed off and today I received the email saying that they loved how they turned out . : ) YAY ME ! I 'll show you the blocks once it is published in The Quilt Pattern Magazine . I think it is scheduled for July or August ? Did you get a quilty present for Christmas ? My friend Janine crocheted me an infinity scarf . I was wearing it around all Christmas Day since it felt nice and soft against my face . : ) It was even long enough I could wrap it around the top of my head . Sooner or later we will get snow and that will be handy . Notice it is in NIU 's colors of red and black ! January is right around the corner and I have some projects already lined up for that . There is a three month Stitch a long in one of my Facebook stitching groups . We are to stitch anything that has wings . I might do The " B " Flower Fairy from the DMC Collection ( By Cicely Mary Barker ) . I am also getting ready to work on a Theresa Wenztler Golden Dragon complicated cross stitch which I totally know will NOT be finished in three months . That 's why I thought the small B Flower Fairy . I could put it , perhaps , in one of my embroidery hoops and hang it on the wall . We 'll see . How is everybody ? I hope you are having a wonderful time no matter where you are or what you are doing . I 'll catch up with you in the next post . : ) Is anybody ever ready for Christmas ? I am about as ready as I can get . Christmas Day is usually my day to be by myself and just laze around . Of course I still have to make it through the last day at work . It 's not too bad but my mind is already thinking of stuff that I want to do after work . First up with be a visit with my sister in law . I want to show her what I 'm making for the retirement gift for my boss . Lyndon will be back on January 4 to turn in his keys and stuff so I can give it to him then . I think that tonight , if I stay awake for any length of time , I might pull out some cross stitch and just veg . Doesn 't that sound nice ? Just relax . Ready for an update ? The wall hanging / lap quilt that I 'm making for my boss is coming along . I think one more vertical strip and then the borders . I was delayed for a bit since I needed a different foot for the sewing machine . I don 't think I 'll finish it in time for to give it to him before break but I can always mail it to him or have him come back some time . There is a small possibility that I can get it finish by the 23rd ( last day at work ) but we 'll see . Here is what it looks like so far . Right now it is about 30 " wide and around 44 " long . I am calling it African Blues since the blue print fabric all came from Ghana . It is different fabric that he brought back to me on his yearly trips there . Well most of the blue fabric anyway . I still have plenty of other fabric to figure out what to make with . : ) I also have been working on three block that I am testing . They are due on December 25th and I shouldn 't have a problem with that . I have stitched down two out of the three blocks but need to do the little fiddly stuff . You know what I mean . Draw in a nose in one place , whiskers on something in another place , etc . But that 's all I can say right now . I am on schedule but , like so many other crafters , don 't have a lot of down time . Must keep going during the holiday season . : ) That is today 's theme . It 's cold inside ! That is because I sit at work with no heat going through the radiators . They had to drain the steam vents so yesterday and today is no heat . Now today it is suppose to be around 42 outside but I can assure you that it is colder inside . Our pastime this morning is wondering why we came to work . Don 't talk to us about dedication when we do things like this ! I have my sweatshirt on and a double crocheted afghan over my legs . LOL . I am glad that I leave it at work for cases when the wind comes through the windows . The heat is suppose to start back up around noon so we 'll see . I did manage to get one seam sewn before coming to work . Somewhat pathetic report but it is still progress and progress , I might add , BEFORE caffeine . I am also testing three blocks for The Quilt Pattern Magazine . Can ' ts how you them yet ( have to wait until around July ) but I am making progress on them . They are cute . In another hour and a half it will be Thanksgiving . This is a different one for me since it 's not been that long since I lost my borther . Still I have a lot to be thankful for . I am totally thankful that I live in such a great country . I am also thankful that I have a job . Not everybody has one and while I might complain about not having enough money , I have more than some others . I am also very thankful for all the followers who encourage me . I hope everybody takes time out of their busy schedules to give thanks . You don 't have to make a list or even tell anybody what you are thankful for . You 'll know and that is what is important . Posted by Why yes it indeed a wonderful time of the year . With the holidays soon to be here and our snow on the ground , how can I NOT like this time of year ? I 'm afraid that I 'm not into the buying from the stores much . Grew up with making presents or giving I . O . U . s / gift certificates for things like home cooked food or cleaning for those who couldn 't . Perhaps that is why I love this time of year . Some of you might know that Illinois ( and other states ) got some snow this weekend . Some , in my case , was around 12 inches . It sounds like a lot but it really wasn 't since there wasn 't any snow on the ground first so it took a bit to accumulate . Here is the picture outside my window after the plows had gone through . The plows had gone through the first time before I left for gaming so I managed to get in my gaming this Saturday . It was Battletech and turned out pretty good . Anyway , I also managed to scrape my hand a little bit ( aren 't I talented ? ) but not enough to really bother me . I also got an early Christmas present . My friend Connie bought me a replacement walking foot . I haven 't tried it yet but hope to this week . I am off work on Thursday and Friday , but Thursday I will be at my sister in laws for Thanksgiving . I 'll keep you updated . Don 't have much to show you . I have been going through a period of not being able to decide on what to work on . That was when I started back with the cross stitch . I 've made progress on the NOEL project . Then I was thinking of some quilting projects that I wanted to get done . I fused on an Angel for a block I 'm working on . I 'll show you when I get it done more . I have two to do . You 'd think that I could knock out those two this weekend wouldn 't you ? No . I got lazy . Here is the colors for one of the blocks . I 'm meeting Connie tomorrow to work on crafts at lunch time . I think I 'll take my embroidery floss and choose which colors I 'll use to for my buttonhole . Anyway then I felt guilty for not doing more quilting stuff so I thought on what to do . The Quilt Pattern Magazine came to my rescue . I found a pattern that I signed up to test . Of course you don 't get to see that yet . That you can 't see until the Summer I believe . I will have to get going on that . I am hoping that the deadline for that will give me that push to keep going . What else is new ? This is . My friend Connie gave me this . Talk about comfy to wear ! They are flexible and notice that they have room for your nails to go through . It is to help pull your need when it is stubborn . Of course once I got them my needle decided to behave . Perhaps Connie should have given it to me years ago . : ) Today I worked on my Noel cross stitch . It 's starting to come together . It takes awhile to make any progress but that 's ok . I 'm not in a hurry . After doing almost nothing all day except sit on my duff and cross stitch , obviously made me tired and hungry . Doesn 't it for everybody ? So what did I make ? I made the first dish that I learned to make on my own . I can 't even remember what cookbook it came out of . It might have been Betty Crocker for Kids or something like that . It 's varied a bit over the years but tonight it is : I had a rough night last night or should I say this morning when I woke up at 2 a . m . from a nightmare and couldn 't get back to sleep for a bit . So I haven 't done much today . I have done cross stitch and promise to show you a picture tomorrow of the progress on the Noel . Today is Halloween . So here are some pictures of some pumpkin carvings . I think they look terrific . I didn 't go out Trick or Treating but instead spent a nice quiet night at home . I don 't send out many Christmas cards but it 's getting to be that time of year again . Here is one place that I like to send a couple of cards too . I 'm going to send mine out this week ( there isn 't a deadline ) . In case you would like to do the same , I 'm posting this now so you have plenty of time to start to spread the good cheer . Posted by I had a good time gaming last night with friends and they are taking over being in charge for a bit to give me a break . That 's nice . I need the mental break of GMing . That won 't make sense to a lot of you but to my gaming friends who read my blog it will . So what does that really mean ? It means I get some more time to craft ! This weekend I have actually managed to get two projects , small ones , done and planning on a couple more . What did I get done ? I have had a t - shirt that I loved the saying on it . I made a mini wall hanging that I can use in the office after Thanksgiving . It will hang after Thanksgiving until we leave for Christmas break . It measures around 15 inches and should fit nicely in that little space by my desk . Then I decided to pull out some other free fabric that was given to me and finally get around to making one of those microwave hot pad / bowls . I really need to figure out what to call them . This isn 't great but it is functional and my first one and didn 't take that long to do . I tested it in the microwave for 5 minutes and didn 't have any problems with it . I feel productive and that means planning new projects . That probably should be " planning new UFO 's " . I found a great picture of a pumpkin on homeschoolencouragement . com . It is a coloring page for adults and when I saw it I thought I might want to make a small pumpkin wall hanging with it . I don 't have much time for this year so it would probably have to be done in straight stitches and French Knots but I could so see me doing it in full hand embroidery . I hope to get it drawn out this weekend yet and perhaps started . Then Esther Aliu came out with a new pattern which I am thinking of doing . That probably won 't be until the new year but that really isn 't that far away . I 'm not sure what colors I 'll do . Not to fond of the ones she used . I also am not sure if I " ll do the whole thing or just the middle . I 'll start in the middle and figure out if I want to continue after that . I took some days off work and totally enjoyed it . Normally that would mean that I would get lots done . Ummm . Not this time . I was soooo lazy . I don 't think I got much accomplished except for around 20 stitches in cross stitch . I did go to Clinton Iowa on Sunday with my niece in law Jessica . She gave me a ride to go and meet up with one of my online gaming friends who wished to give me a refurbished computer . It 's something that he did when he worked in the field and when he can he and his wife still do it . This time they had one that he wanted to give me . Clinton Iowa was about the half way point between the two of us . Jess and I decided to make a little bit of an outing . Here are some of the pictures that I managed to snap as Jess was driving . It was a beautiful day and I loved to see the different colors in the trees . Nothing glamorous but something else that made the trip a little special . I was expecting Jess to take me straight home but she had other plans . There is a railroad park in Rochelle , IL that she likes to take the kids ( including her husband ) to so she showed me where it was . Just a little park where the trains go by and you can have picnics at , etc . I also went to see my sister in law Bobbie to see how she is doing . I can 't believe that it has already been three months since Kerm died . She is doing ok . Predominantly she is doing well . I will be going to her place to have Thanksgiving and we had a nice chat about crafts and stuff . She showed me what she was working on with her cross stitch and I had taken my book on Civil War quilts for her to read as well as my Civil War BOM blocks that I had sewn together . I had hoped to get the border put on but , of course , I haven 't yet . And that was about ALL I did on vacation ( besides meeting friends for lunch ) and now I find myself having to go back to work tomorrow . : )
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It 's New Year 's Eve but I 'm in no mood for celebrating anything considering I lived through one of the most wretched days I 've had in a long time . Yesterday , the Washington Times laid off 65 percent of the newsroom ; approximately 110 reporters , editors , photographers and other employees . Today , most of them showed up to pack their belongings . It was absolutely horrible having to say good - bye to people whom I 've known for more than 14 years . Four departments : photo , sports , metro and entertainment , were decimated . Business did not fare too well either . Nearly everyone in management was wiped out . Both our managing editors ( David Jones and Jeff Birnbaum ) are gone . The deputy ME , Ted Agres , is also gone , as are nearly all the assistant managing editors , such as Barbara Slavin and Geoff Etnyre ( who was my boss ) . Only 12 editors remain , I believe : six on the news desk and another six elsewhere in the newsroom although that number is fungible . Several people on foreign desk , including old friends like Willis Witter , are gone or their fate is unknown . Four employees remain on that desk . Our web desk also lost quite a few folks , such as Jilly Badanes ( the bright , cheery face on our webcasts who was the face of the newsroom each morning ) , Jim Ivancic and David Eldredge . National desk , which I am on , fared a bit better although Ben Conery , Richard Slusser , Mike Wheatley , Andrea Billups and Sean Lengell ( some of them did politics as well ) were let go . Sean was the last person I bade farewell to when I left this evening and he was busily trying to go through all his emails , as were many other folks today ( before their accounts were shut off ) . I missed the big staff meeting yesterday when all this was announced ( we were flying into Dulles at that moment - more on that later ) so it was with lots of trepidation I arrived at work today . Arriving at the human resources department , I was handed a thin envelope , which meant I was staying . About 60 of us were retained . Those who were being let go had thicker packets detailing their Posted by Soon after Miss Veeka arrived on these shores , my Uncle Ed passed away and she came with me to his funeral on a sunny March day , adding much light and joy . She fulfilled this duty again on Thursday when we had a funeral at the same church and same grave site locale for his wife , Dorothy Duin , who passed away Dec . 9 in California . Her family flew here ( from California and London at no little expense ) to have a pre - Christmas funeral and so we all showed up on a sunny - but - wintery day of 40 - degree temps to say good - bye . It was so odd to be back at the same places we were at nearly three years ago when we said good - bye to Ed . Instead , this time it was Nancy who gave the farewell sermon instead of my father . It being Dec . 17 , I was the only member of the family who got there as tickets were at a premium this crowded time of year . The first photo is of Veeka posing with Nancy and Alex , one of Dot 's daughters with the only grandchild . After the funeral , we all went to the lovely home of one of the St . Paul 's Lutheran Church parishioners who put on a great spread . The second photo shows Veeka on Alex 's lap . Sadly , I am not sure when I 'll see him or his aunts / my cousins again . Speaking of which , they are stranded here as we speak due to the lovely two feet of snow we are receiving as I type ( on Dec . 19 ) . All the flights in and out today have been cancelled . Turns out we have tickets to Seattle and for a time , I was unhappy that I could not get us out of here until Christmas Eve . Now I am very grateful we are not leaving for another five days because the airports will be horribly jammed at the beginning of the week with all those poor folks who could not get out today . I put Veeka in her old snow suit and photographed her romping around the backyard . Problem is , I forgot to buy her new boots and her feet were way too small for the tiny boots we crammed them into . I did , I will add , teach her now to make a snow angel . The big mercy is this is all occurring over the weekend , so no one has to get to work for two days . The snowPosted by Well , the other shoe did drop and we were told Wednesday ( the 2nd ) that 40 percent of our 370 - person workforce would be laid off . That means about 170 people . All sorts of guessing is going on right now as to which sections ( entertainment ? metro ? sports ? ) will get the ax and whether those of us who work on national desk are truly safer . Providentially , our main competition ran a front - page story on the layoffs and the last thing the president of our company said is he wants to keep the religion / values reporting . So * my * job seems secure although technically we have all been laid off . Then 60 % will be told they are retained , although the conditions they will continue to work under might be quite different . Which is what a lot of us are also wondering about . Anyway , the first wave of people who will have to go will start in about two weeks , we 're told , JUST before Christmas . Isn 't the timing lovely ? So of course all of us are wondering how much to spend for Christmas , whether that bathroom remodel we 'd planned for January will have to be scrapped ; that sort of thing . Many people in the newsroom are quite depressed and angry at the recent revelations of some of the obscenely high salaries that the higher - ups in my organization were getting while the rest of us have been scraping along . It 's been a real morale killer . But at this point all of us are simply glad to have work - and health insurance - which puts us in a better place than where many Americans are at this point . This week was really quite the week at my place of employ . On Monday morning , we walked in to find that 3 top people in charge of the company - including the president - were fired over the weekend . Extra guards were in the lobby and the third floor - where the administration was - got put on lockdown . Immediately every media outlet in town , smelling blood , was filing reports about our alleged soon - to - be demise . We had a large staff meeting where the new president of the company essentially read out loud a press release that we 'd already seen - then refused to take questions . Bad sign . A number of us then surrounded the two managing editors and demanded to know more . We got a few details - ie that there would not be layoffs - but not much . More news trickled out and more outside reporters were calling us staff writers on the sly and then a bigger bomb dropped on Thursday when , on deadline , they announced that our top editor had resigned . He had been missing all week , so this was not a great shock but it was still very weird and left a lot of unanswered questions . It seems that a lot of the mess stems from debates high up in the ranks of our owners involving our finances . We have always operated at a huge deficit and the question is how long they want this state of affairs to continue . Although there are some things that I cannot say in this public space , I can say I am concerned . I 've already had one friend email me a job possibility and it 's no secret that much of my newsroom is panicked . Although we just hired a photo editor and started a new radio talk show last Monday , we lost two of our White House reporters in last two months , so things are not trending up . And on Friday , we got the inevitable memo from Human Resources saying the company , as of immediately , was cutting its matching contributions to our 401Ks . Other newspapers did the same thing ages ago so we were lucky to have kept ours this long . Still , employee morale has tanked . On the plus side , Veeka - shown here in her new pink loafers and Russian - stPosted by I 'm probably breaking child labor laws here by having Veeka push the vacuum around but she does insist on being Little Miss Cleaning Lady . We both have been struggling with colds for the past week and today was the first day in quite awhile that we both were operating anywhere near normal . Today was going to be catch - up day at work - or so I thought - until I was told I had to go to the mosque where the Ft . Hood shooter once hung out . So I drove to the Muslim Community Center in Silver Spring and easily found the place because of the TV trucks parked in front . Those poor people ; have dozens of TV and radio reporters show up for their Friday prayer time and getting buttonholed by all those nasty reporters . Of course I * was * one of those nasty reporters - dressed in a long skirt with a scarf around my hair - interviewing whoever I could find . You can read about it here . It 's been quite a week with Islamic stuff today and the leader of world Orthodoxy - known as the Ecumenical Patriarch - in town and who I followed around this past week ( here was the advance piece ) along with doing articles on Joel Osteen ( see here ) and a group of humanistic Jews . I dragged Veeka ( who was borderline sick ) to their meeting in Northwest DC on a rainy Sunday morning . After 45 minutes of Israeli folkdancing , we attended a class taught by a rabbi who identified himself as a bi - sexual atheist . Fortunately , Veeka had no idea what was going on . Meanwhile , Veeka has discovered " The Lion , the Witch and the Wardrobe " so she wants the video played continually because she wants to see the lion , as she says . She was sick on Halloween but when she saw the heavy bags of candy kids were carrying , she decided to recover long enough for us to walk around the block in the rain gathering goodies for her . Because we were on the late side , people were emptying loads of candy into her little bag . And , as we 've been switching into winter clothes , I discovered Veeka had a growth spurt this summer and a lot of things are now too small . She lost about half herPosted by I took today off to prepare for a 5 - minute segment about the new book that will be showing on the Christian Broadcasting Network . Today we filmed it in front of Christ Church on Massachusetts Avenue , a church that was a beacon during the 1970s in the charismatic / pentecostal movement . Of course I was late , the traffic was nasty and Veeka screeched during the filming ( her daycare had the day off ) but the weather was out of this world and I took care to wear the most colorful outfit I had which is a must for TV . The church pastor came out just before the cameras started to roll , so afterwards I had a long talk with him about how dry the whole renewal movement is these days in the USA . Am apparently coming down with a cold , so am not in the best spirits now but am happy that last week 's rain has changed into this week 's sun which hopefully will redden the few remaining green tomatoes on the vines in my back yard . Had a lovely booksigning for my latest two books last weekend in Virginia and got 25 people which was much appreciated . Will let y ' all know when the CBN spot airs . I have a few more possibilities in the cooker so stay tuned . Fortunately , Veeka cheered up after the shooting for me to get this photo . The host , Paul Strand , is in the background in blue . Well , it is nice to be busy selling my book . Yesterday , I spent several hours at a local conference of newly minted Anglicans ( formerly Virginia Episcopalians ) trying to hawk my wares . Fortunately , one of the bishops at the gathering - Martyn Minns - decided to make the lessons from " Fire and Glory " part of his sermon , which brought several people to my book table afterwards . Thanks , bishop . I owe you one . And this coming Wednesday I will be heading north to Grove City College , an evangelical Christian place about an hour north of Pittsburgh to deliver some lectures and . . . yes , hawk more books ! Veeka is coming because the organizers - bless them - have agreed to babysit her all day Thursday . A photo of Veeka with her little friends at daycare is included here . Work has been busy , busy , busy - feels like I never get to rest as there is always something breaking plus two weekly columns to churn out . This ( Oct . 3 - 4 ) is the first weekend I 've been home in almost a month . Last weekend , I was with friends in Bethany Beach , Delaware renting out a place there super - close to the ocean ; the weather , unfortunately was a tad chilly . And the weekend before , we were in New York for a journalists confab and booksigning there . I don 't get to Manhattan often , so it was much fun seeing the uppper West side near Columbia University , which was much nicer looking than when I last saw it in 1993 . In the past month , I 've been to Minnesota twice , once to cover the Lutherans and the other to attend a Religion Newswriters Association contest where I picked up two very nice awards on Sept . 12 . The WTimes just ran a piece today announcing the awards ( a week late but oh well ) which looks fairly nice . It was not the first time I had placed second in the Religion Reporter of the Year award - I also came in second 20 years ago . NOW if I can only place first . . . My brief four days in Minnesota ran into a spell of nice , warm weather and of course that is when I had my book launch party . I am just at the beginning of getting word out about " Days of Fire and Glory " but when I show up at various venues , people are quick to grab it . It sells out before " Quitting Church " does . My final days in Minnesota , by the way , were quite pleasant . Veeka and I spent a week at the Trapper 's Lodge on Leech Lake , which was quite lovely . We found lots of things to do , so I have posted photos of Veeka by the lake , Veeka actually catching a fish ( she had no idea what to do with it ) and of course Veeka standing by a large blue ox , which is the local symbol up there . So I have been reading her tales of Paul Bunyan and explaining to her what an " ox " is . Can 't say we have those in Maryland , especially of the large blue variety . We spent one day in Itasca State Park , where the headwaters of the Mississippi are ; that is one lovely area with tons of lakes and white birch trees . We even went biking ( with her in a little cart behind my bike ) but the mosquitos ate us up . I spent one evening near Bemidji at Ben Israel , a Christian community about which I wrote this column a few days later . On our last day , we arrived back in the Twin Cities just in time for a Hinnenthal family barbecue hosted by Beth and Chris , so we got to see everyone once again . I am here in Minneapolis , the day after my book launch party at the downtown Marriott . It was a lovely time - in a 31st - floor suite with a view of I - 94 . I 'd say about 30 people , including some of my Minneapolis - area relatives showed up for a nice event showcasing work by Joe Rigert - a former AP reporter who wrote a book about abusive Irish Catholic priests - and myself . " Days of Fire and Glory : The Rise and Fall of a Charismatic Community " has been in process 20 years and it 's such a triumph for me to have the hardback in hand - finally ! ! It has been such a long road with so many disappointments but I hung in there and hung in there and . . . . well , here is the Amazon link to what I think will be the best book I will ever write . I am also including the wonderful cover with a fabulous photo by Debbie Scott of Graham Pulkingham - the iconic priest whom the book portrays - in the middle celebrating the Eucharist . Everyone 's hands are raised in praise ; it 's a high point of the liturgy . I cannot be happy enough about this ; if there was any problem with the launch party , it was that I didn 't buy enough wine for all those thirsty reporters . Instead of having it be an event where everyone stood around and had mini - conversations , I instead set Joe and I in the middle of things and we led a fascinating discussion on what makes some religious movements fail . It was invigorating and will hopefully lead to some nice reviews . For those of you who wonder what this book is about , I am attaching material from a press release . Please enjoy and . . . order the thing ! " Days of Fire and Glory : The Rise and Fall of a Charismatic Community " is about one of the most gifted leaders of the charismatic movement and the newspaper reporter who unwittingly unearthed his secret . Millions of evangelical Christians who lived through the Jesus movement and the charismatic renewal of the 1970s and 1980s wish to process what happened them in the early days of their faith . Some even moved into Christian community households to replicate the pattern of the Julia Duin Last night after Veeka fell asleep , I walked out to see a blanket of stars over the lake . I never get to see the Milky Way like this , near as we are to the Big City . But this week we are away from the maddening crowd in the Minnesota north woods . How did we get here ? Well , last week I was sent on a business trip to cover the biennial convention of the Evangelical Lutheran Church of America . As it turned out , it was a good call because they ended up making ecclesiastical history in that they are now the largest American Christian denomination to accept gay clergy . Which is what they voted to do plus a few other things this past week . You can read the walk - up to the event here , and and follow - up here and some of the react here and here and here . It was one highly interesting event to cover because of a tornado that bore down upon the gathering on Wednesday afternoon that some saw as a warning from the Almidghty to not proceed along the path the ELCA seemed to be going . My blog on this highly interesting event ( nothing like having a tornado heading towards you ) is at the end of this post . Anyway , my cousins who live in town were super - helpful in arranging care for Veeka while I was covering all this . After dinner one night with the Weispfennings ( related to my late cousin Anne ) who live on a lovely bluff overlooking downtown St . Paul ( or is it Minneapolis ? ) , I got lots of help from Allison ( actually my first cousin once removed as she 's the eldest daughter of my cousin Faith ) who has kids Veeka 's age . So Veeka stayed at the daycare next door to Faith and Allison and husband Jon ( shown with Veeka in one of the photos ) picked up Veeka in the afternoon so she could play with her second cousins once removed : Charlie , Lucy and Cassie until Mommy got home from covering the ELCA . It sounds complicated but it all worked out quite well . Finally on Saturday morning we were free to depart and head 200 miles northwest of Minneapolis to a lodge I 'd found on the Internet on Leech Lake which has turned out to be a world Veeka 's nePosted by Well , here is a photo of my home into which we moved one year ago this weekend . The Virginia - to - Maryland switch has gone reasonably well ; I really miss all the great restaurants and retail over there in the Old Dominion as what 's available here in Prince George 's County is not much to write home about . Then again , one of my great discoveries was a Massage Envy outlet that was almost half the price of what I was shelling out for shoulder rubs to the south . And the community " feel " to this area is lightyears better than what I had , plus the availability of kids , family - friendly stuff for Veeka , lots of people with children and WAY more support than I had available in Virginia made it a very good move . Fortunately nothing awful , other than a broken garage door , happened my first year and the biggest problem I have is keeping my tomatoes out of reach from the squirrels . MUCH nicer neighbors than what I had in Falls Church ( although the people immediately next to me in my former condo were nice enough ) but the 2 Hyattsville list serves I am on have been invaluable as to helping me out in so many ways . Living only 5 miles from work is one good idea . The biggest pain has been switching doctors , etc . The first dentist I found here did not work out so will try another . Last week I visited what I thought would be Veeka 's new pediatrician but walked out after we were kept waiting 40 minutes . There were no toys to play with and Veeka was bouncing off the walls . And the waiting room was dirty and there was little privacy ; you could walk 3 steps down the hall and watch what was going on in one of the exam rooms . When Veeka did just that - run down the hallway and gape at a little screaming kid getting some kind of shot - I bolted . My next choice for pediatrician is over the county line into Silver Spring - a longer commute but I was getting so many mixed reviews of the local kiddie doctors . A shame one must go to a richer county for better service but that is the way of it here in PG County which deserves some of the bad rep iPosted by Well , it finally happened ; the lovely family home that 's provided for us years of mountain and Lake Sammamish views just east of Seattle is in the past . My parents moved last week to a retirement place ( altho they would not call it that ) 8 miles away in Redmond WITH NO VIEW . They got to experience , like we did a year ago , the delights of moving lock , stock and barrel . They 'd owned the place since that summer of 1971 when they and us kids rolled into western Washington state and wondered what we 'd gotten ourselves into . We 'd just spent two weeks crossing the country and camping out along the way . Back then , we were from sophisticated Maryland and Bellevue and especially Redmond seemed a bit behind the times , we thought . My entire family ended up settling in the Pacific Northwest except for me , the wandering Jew of the lot . I 've included an older photo of the place which I will miss like anything . It 's the closest thing I ever had as a family home , being that we moved every few years when I was younger . My dad has promised that NOW he will finally get a kitty so we shall see if he keeps his promise . Soooo , no more lovely roses like the ones that always greeted me when I came home in the summers . I didn 't fly back to Seattle this summer as it turned out ; my parents ' topsy - turvy home situation being one reason . But Uncle Steve was in town this past weekend so Veeka and I wandered over to his in - laws where I caught a photo of them and Aunt Nancy at the dinner table . Veeka is now very taken with Uncle ' Teve and his brother , Uncle Gob . And Oma and Opa of course . As usual , Veeka charmed everyone . Yes , I know it 's been awhile since I 've posted but I am in the final weeks of PUTTING OUT A BOOK . You can tell the signs : piles of unread newspapers around the house ; unread mail , unpaid bills , mountains of kitty fur that need to be vacuumed up . For those of you who know me , this is the " Redeemer book " that will be launched this September at the Religion Newswriters Association convention in Minneapolis and plans are afoot now for a reception somewhere in the host hotel ( the downtown Marriott ) . I 'd wanted a pricey setting with wine flowing and hors d ' oeuvres but my publisher didn 't want to lay out too much money , so I am shopping about for alternatives . If I had my way , the launch would be in Houston , where most of the action takes place , but circumstances have not worked out yet for me to get down there . But I cannot say how glad I am that this 20 - year project is almost over . I am now working on proofing copy , scanning photos , re - reading the dust jacket copy , negotiating with the photographer and digging up obscure facts . I spent last Wednesday in Baltimore doing a last - minute read through the manuscript which is about 300 pages . As for Veeka , well , she is fine . There is one photo of what looks like a blur bouncing a ball . That is our little honey bunch learning how to bounce a ball . I got her a red ball so she is trying to learn how to dribble . Where is Uncle Steve when I need him to show her how ? Potty training is almost down pat . There are a few bad days but she has made incredible progress since her birthday when she decided to get serious about learning how . She doesn 't need a kiddie diaper in the pool any more which is a great relief . The other photo is of Veeka at the beach where I took her and the daughter of a friend who helped me take care of her . Am learning that on a weekend at the beach , I need someone along to help , as she has to be constantly watched . Despite there being two of us , she escaped us at one point and dashed two blocks down the beach just because she felt like running . Fortunately somePosted by Well . . for only a few days to cover the conference that officially establishes a new Anglican province made up of dissaffected Episcopalians . Problem is , the archbishop of Canterbury doesn 't recognize this group but he may at some point . Anyway , on Sunday night , I fly from Baltimore to DFW to lodge with a reporter friend from the Pittsburgh Post - Gazette and share a rental car as we spend 3 days in Texas . For me , it will be a chance to greet tons of old friends as many of these folks are people I knew in seminary or in various churches I 've been in along the way . As soon as I heard of this trip , I dashed to Kinkos to print 200 postcards advertising my upcoming book on the Episcopal Church of the Redeemer and Graham Pulkingham which had a working title of " Power and Desire : The Rise and Fall of Christian Community and Charismatic Renewal . " We 've re - tooled that to a new title : " Days of Fire and Glory : The rise and fall of a charismatic community " which is not as far - reaching but may be more accurate . The photo is of a happy Veeka lounging on her new bed with the kitty who sleeps on it every day . My right arm is still terribly sore now that I have begun physical therapy and I 'm still on pain meds . I 've worked 2 six - day weeks in a row and I 'm pretty weary . Although the photo shows me still in the darned thing , the orthopedist gave me the green light Monday to shed the sling just short of a month of wearing it . That last week , my arm was cramping quite a bit with it on plus I was starting to drive by myself and had to take it off while in the car ( one gets a ticket if you 're driving with one of those things on ) . So I am well into physical therapy at this point . This week has been crazy with daily stories zinging me every day . I am flooded with work . Monday was a press conference with abortionist LeRoy Carhart who was a close friend of George Tillers and was in town to give a eulogy for him at a memorial service . Turns out I had Carhart nearly to myself and got to ask him quite a bit about life as a doctor who aborts babies in the third trimester . I really blanched when he told me about the suicidal woman whose fetus he aborted at 30 weeks , as Veeka was born at 32 weeks . I learned later when I interviewed a gynecologist , abortion often makes women more suicidal , not less . Near the end of the interview , however , I did refer to that thing in the womb as a " baby " at which point Carhart , his wife , daughter and about 10 other people in the room started looking at me strangely as to ask " how did she sneak in " ? We got into quite a discussion of where God stands on abortion ; a little bit of which I am repeating for my June 11 " Stairway " colum . Anyway , on Tuesday , it was announced the Tiller clinic was shutting down for good so I had to do another story . And today , there was a shooting at the Holocaust museum so I had to drop everything and do a story on the Jewish reaction to it all . Fortunately I had tons of Jewish contacts - and their cell phones - in my files so I was able to throw a story together within a few hours . But all these stories mean I 've been late in picking up Veeka at the daycare . The poor child has been traumatized by all the thunderstorms we 've been having at dusk . And yesterday a huge tree branch from the abandoned house next door came crashing down into Posted by Well , here at last is a photo of this awful contraption taken by Gail during our Maryland Tour last weekend . It does kind of envelope my whole right side , doesn 't it ? I was at the Amish market and you can see their horses in the background . I 've gone through 3 sessions of physical therapy and believe me , this is going to be a long haul . I can lift my right arm at 110 degrees - a bit more than right angle to my body . Gail , unfortunately , flew out Tuesday and I was all alone for the first time in 2 weeks , which was gloomy for me . Not only that , but Veeka suddenly came down with a fever at noon so the last thing Gail ended up doing was racing to the daycare to pick up Veeka and bringing her home and putting her to bed while I nabbed a co - worker who drove me back home . Fortunately the Little One " only " had a 24 - hour virus that most of the little kids - I later found out - in the neighborhood all got but all the same , it was nasty seeing her temperature rise and being trapped , unable to drive even to a pharmacy . A friend who has 7 kids took pity on me and brought us some cooked rice , iced popsicles and Tylenol suppositories to get medicine into Veeka since it 's hard to ingest orally when you 're vomiting . That got me through the night - it 's so nasty when you live alone and you can 't run to a pharmacy when there 's a sick kid at home . Later in the week , a similar situation arose where I needed to run out for 10 minutes but Veeka had just fallen asleep and it was so frightfully hard to get her down for a nap , I was frantic not to wake her . Fortunately I spotted a neighbor gardening who graciously agreed to sit in my home to watch Veeka while I went and picked up someone at the Metro ( only a mile away so I can drive that far ) who had come for the day to help me clean the house . And starting tomorrow , I have a succession of friends - most of them part of a Sunday night Catholic prayer group I attend - who are bring us meals . With this arm , it is excruciating to slice veggies or work the can opener . So we 've had lots of chePosted by Oh , how age creepeth on . Tuesday was * my * birthday , so my parents and I went to a " Hawaiian fusion " restaurant in Crofton which we all liked . Also there was Gail Dall , an old friend who had flown in to be with me during my 2nd week of convalescence so it was lovely having all sorts of nice people around me . ( A babysitter was with Veeka who has little patience for restaurants these days ) . And so Oma and Opa flew off in a plane , much to Veeka 's bewilderment , and now Gail is helping me get dressed , undressed , clean around the house unload / load the dishwasher , shop for food and tons of other stuff that needs to be done . I am still pretty much operating with one arm although I CAN type with both . Physical therapy on Thursday was excruciating - most painful was an exercise where you just let your arm dangle - this lengthens the hurt muscles I guess - but aaeeah . Today was fun ; in an effort to show Gail some of the local scenery , we headed east of Washington to St . Mary 's County where we visited an Amish market ( Veeka could not wait to climb up into the Amish carriages ) , then headed further east to Calvert County where we visited a cypress swamp and a beach ( to Veeka 's delight ) . Gail had never swum in the Chesapeake before but the water was so warm , the jellyfish were already out ( usually they don 't appear until July at the earliest ) . Veeka adores any and every beach . Then we headed south toward a children 's museum on Solomon 's Island , but got sidetracked by an airshow at the nearby Air Force base where the Blue Angels were performing . We arrived just when the show started and found a fabulous parking space with a view . Unfortunately Veeka shrieked every time a jet roared over so 45 minutes into the show , we decided to leave because of her wailing . Turns out the show ended right about then so we beat all the traffic out of there . The whole day was like that ; through several fortunate coincidences - or favors from God - we ended up at the places we needed to be just when we needed to be there . Like , if we had not stoppedPosted by Yes , for the second year in a row , Oma and Opa are with us during mid - May . The occasion : Julia 's right shoulder surgery that took place May 13 ( my parents ' 59th wedding anniversary , in fact ) . It was not the most romantic day for them because I showed up at the hospital just before noon and was released shortly before 6 . My dad is the one who held vigil at the Kernan orthopedic hospital , which was in Baltimore . We don 't yet have the right name of the muscle tear in my right shoulder that 's been bothering me for 2 years but the doctor definitely found it and hopefully repaired it all . I was in quite a bit of pain all day Thursday and groggy to boot with all the painkillers plus an ice pack that was attached to my shoulders . Hardly left my bed . Friday managed to plunk down a birthday card for Oma and then later on in the day , we ordered take - out from the Olive Garden which turned out to be surprisingly good . So it 's been pretty quiet here . Oma accompanied me to my Pilates class today so she could see what one looks like and to help me get up and down . My right arm is all encased in a black gortex sling with a bolster - tomorrow we will try changing the dressing . Opa has been busy doing errands around the house ; he just got done repairing a bookcase . We visit the doctor on Monday and I start physical therapy on Thursday . Am not sure when I drive again but I can 't right now . Oh , and Oma / Opa also patiently waited at Costco to get me new tires so that I didn 't have to sit there for hours . We should have them visit more often , no ? The photo is of Veeka sitting on Oma 's lap just after the candles were blown out . One other thing that happened recently was that I had Veeka dedicated to God at a local church . I 'm not into infant baptism - want to let her be baptized when she makes her own decision to be a believer but I wanted to do something . Some friends of mine arranged for her to be dedicated to God and prayed over at an Assembly of God church in Fairfax , which is what we did . The people at Way of Faith AG were super gracious even though no one really knew me ; they just knew Sue and Rebecca ( show with Veeka and I in a photo here ) . They gave us a little certificate which I will put in my soon - to - be assembled Veeka Scrapbook . After the service , Rebecca arranged for a 2nd birthday party at Arties , a local restaurant where we had all sorts of presents and balloons and once again , Veeka 's favorite meal of hamburger and French fries . The Little One adored all the balloons and streamers . Rebecca and Sue also gave her a necklace with a heart containing a little seed that symbolized God 's word growing like a seed in one 's heart . Being that Sue and Rebecca are moving to Alabama shortly , it was a bittersweet time of good - byes as I am not sure how much I will see them again . The " Quitting Church " book was dedicated to them , among others , and they will be missed . Potty training is doing well enough and Veeka is going on long jags of hours without end of accident - free days . However the slipcovers on the white couch in my living room are showing a few slip - ups and I know I must wash them before The Visit by Oma and Opa starting May 11 . Yes , they will be in residence for a week , as I am getting shoulder surgery May 13 and expect to be in a sling for up to a month - am hoping the surgeon lowers that estimate ( I had been told it 'd be 2 - 3 weeks when I first agreed to do this ! ) - to repair a capsular tear in my right arm that has bothered me for two years . Lifting Veeka and the repetitive motion of reaching back to her car seat did something bad that 2 sessions of physical therapy did not heal . Sooo I am trying to set up people to help me Posted by She was looking forward to it for days : the big FOUR . The day before , we spent Aunt Susan 's check on shoes and girly underwear as Miss Veeka is finally getting serious about potty training ( size 4 for any of you who want to help contribute to the cause ) . She was hungry and pouty at Target , so I took her down the mall to McDonalds where she cheered up after having her favorite meal : hamburger , fries and ice cream . Yum yum . And the next day , I dressed her up and sent her to school while I put together a nice meal for a guest who was coming over ( a fellow single mom - to - be from Kazakhstan ) . That night Veeka opened her gifts and was especially entranced by a pink scooter furnished by Oma and Opa . She rode all over the neighborhood on that one . A kind neighbor brought over a chocolate birthday cake so she could BLOW out her multiple candles . Four really is the age where they " get " birthdays and talk about them weeks before the actual occurrence . I suppose some day I will have to put together an actual party but for now , our little get - together worked just fine . This weekend we 're in the Pittsburgh area for a speaking engagement for " Quitting Church " at my old seminary while I show Veeka off to friends . Today I just filmed some more episodes for CBN , whose producers seem to like me and want to have me on for their new 24 - hour channel . So if any of you watch religious TV , I 'm now popping up here and there . I 've finally found a hairdresser who has given me a cut that looks decent on TV and which I can easily reproduce at home . It 's taken me years to find a " look " that works but that day has arrived . I really tried to get that signature Easter photo but just could not get the right shot no matter how hard I tried . We had a lovely , sunny day . Veeka and I went to church with Veeks who is dressed in a lovely pink knit given by a friend of my parents and afterwards planned a new red - bud tree I had bought at the nursery . I also mowed my jungle of a lawn , thanks to a kind neighbor who lent me his mower . Then we went to a friend 's home for an Easter egg hunt ( see Veeka holding her egg collection bag ) , then pot - luck . Amira , the lady of the house , decorated her Victorian home beautifully with roses and flowers and Scripture verses and candies placed about - it was a truly lovely day . She even had cupcakes decorated in lovely pastel icings . Unfortunately many of us could not squeeze down a lot of the cupcakes and SO Amira told me to help myself which . . . . I did as I need cupcakes for this Thursday , Veeka 's BIG DAY whereupon she turns 4 . She totally gets the concept of birthdays now and is very excited about her presents . A little pink scooter from Oma and Opa sits in the garage waiting for her delighted swoop . I got her a combo orchid / cactus hanging plant with bright pink flowers for her birthday and a cool doll from Grenada . If anyone wants ideas . . . well , she needs lots of little - girl underwear because Oma and Opa will be here in May to help finish potty - training . Being that she will be 4 , it is TIME . ( Bubble bath is a good gift idea too as we go through lots of it ) . One of my kind neighbors has offered to bring over a cake plus I 'm having a friend in who is thinking of adoption . I 'm facing a mountain of emails and Things To Do after being gone 7 days on a boat . Yes , that 's what the family told Veeka : That her mommy was gone on a big boat . When I got back late Saturday , she could not stop kissing my face . Now she is back to throwing tantrums when I turn off the TV . Anyway , I flew to Puerto Rico and wandered about old town San Juan for awhile before boarding this large cruise ship . The large fort built by the Spaniards over a 200 - year period had magnificent ocean views . We took off late March 28 for Sint Maarten , a Dutch / French island that was our first port of call . Now I had been in touch with a Christian charity that is funding an outreach out of Philipsburg , the largest city on this tiny island - and I was interested in seeing some of the illegal immigrants ( from Haiti and other places ) they were helping . Although a lot of Haitians get to US shores , even more land on other Caribbean islands . I missed my appointment with a Catholic priest cuz the ship came in later than I thought so I wandered off to a beach for a few hours , then returned and tried calling him on my cell phone . Amazingly , I found the man and after showing me his food pantry , he assigned a parishioner to take me around to the slums of Sint Maarten to meet poor and desperate people . The next few hours were amazing . I am posting a photo of one little girl standing in front of a container - that is where her family lived in the midst of an auto junkyard . Her dad , in his 60s , cannot find a job . They were beyond poor . I happened to bring along some stuffed animals ( purloined them from Veeka 's stash of thousands ) with me , so gave her two and she was so delighted to get anything resembling a new toy . Another woman I visited had taken on 17 orphans - all dumped on her front doorstep by druggies and prostitutes . Another woman , who had diabetes , was desperate for funds for her medication and to pay her daughter 's school fees . She was an illegal immigrant from Guyana , where she said life is even worse . Her husband , also illegal , haPosted by Even though this photo ( of Veeka at Jerry Falwell 's gravesite - get a load of the eternal flame atop the cross ) is a few weeks old , I thought I 'd post it as I 'll have livelier stuff later . Yes , yours truly is taking a much - needed rest on a Ski Club of Washington DC trip to - no , not Aspen but to the southern Caribbean . It 's a cruise ! Yes , my first one . The cruise lines are having bargain basement prices so I thought I 'd go - plus the JetBlue flight was pretty cheap too . So , Saturday morning I fly to San Juan in Puerto Rico and that night we take off for all sorts of interesting islands . I have been in that part of the world but not to any of the islands on the itinerary . I desperately need the rest AND the break . Work has been crazy and pressured plus there have been more massive layoffs of journalists at newspapers around the country this week . Even the folks at the Oregonian ( my brother 's paper ) are taking pay cuts ; as for me , things are still stable at the WTimes but I do not claim to know all that is going on behind the scenes . We are , in fact , doing some hiring ; maybe one of the only newspapers in the country to be doing so . And yes , there 's a family taking care of Veeka ( who is pictured here with 2 of my Lynchburg friends : Phil and June Weeks ) . She will get a 5 - year - old " sister " to stay and play with so I am praying and hoping for the best . But it seems like so much comes up at the last minute . On Wednesday , she stayed home ( along with me ) cuz of a cold . Now apparently she has pink eye so it 's off to the doctor we go tomorrow morning . And my cat just came in from a late - night stroll all bedraggled as she apparently tried to get into a fight with a trespassing kitty . I will not breathe a sigh of relief until I am on the plane . Today was one of those days where nothing seemed to work . I took Veeka downtown to go to a movie , only to be delayed by huge crowds of people wandering about in the rain ( tourists ? ) and NO parking spaces . Finally found an underground lot and arrived at the ticket counter only to find out the show was sold out . Then went to Costco to try to redeem a little bit of the afternoon and ran into huge enough crowds that I barely had time to get anything . Oh , and the coupons I had clutched in my hand - found out they didn 't go into effect until Monday . Great . The photo here was taken a few weeks ago when Veeka and I went on a snowy hike off Skyline Drive . She was pretty miserable up there . Today she managed to break both my best picture frame and a harp statuette sitting in the living room . She has this habit of climbing up on everything . And last week , she wanted to sit on the porch swing , as it was very warm . I HAD to use the potty , so I told her to stay put and dashed inside . I was not gone 20 seconds before I heard a car honk . Sure enough , she had jumped up and dashed toward the street . The driver was alarmed enough to slam on his brakes . Don 't think she jumped into the street but I nearly had a heart attack . So I cannot trust her out of my sight . I thought that this almost - 4 - year - old would have outgrown this craziness but nooooo , she just does the same things but she runs faster . Friday I got my taxes done for the first time by a professional instead of spending a whole day on TurboTax . It was such a pleasure getting the whole sordid process over in less than three hours . February is a month of anniversaries for us ; Feb . 10 , 2007 , being the date the adoption papers were all signed , making it official Over There - and Feb . 17 being the day we arrived back in the USA , turning Veeka into an American citizen . And now on Feb . 12 of this year , Veeka 's birth certificate was recorded in the state of Virginia . It 's known as " re - adopting " one 's child in the home state and because I began the process while we were Virginia residents , her birth certificate is filed there . We just got a copy of her Virginia birth certificate today . I also have copies of her Kaz birth certificate , translated from Russian , but everyone tells you to get it re - recorded here in the States so that should she need copies for official purposes some day , she can order them from here . It 's hard to explain but apparently it makes a big difference in the grand scheme of things which is why I did all the paperwork starting last May to get it done . So here is a photo of the little one trying out my hairdryer . She is growing every day and for the last month has developed a love for the TV . Her first 2 years with me , she didn 't care much for it . Now she is glued to the thing and that 's all she wants to do . So when I took off today for a chiropracter 's appointment and to see " Slumdog Millionaire " ( what a grim film ) , she just sat in front of the TV . Whenever the sitter tried to get her to walk to the park , The Child shrieked . Hmmm . The other news here is I 've been told I need to get shoulder surgery in the next few months , so am trying to figure out just when I can be off work for several days and not driving for 2 weeks ( one is not supposed to drive while wearing a sling ) . Would like to get a lot of that behind me before the weather turns warm and I want to go swimming . The shoulder injury stems from either lifting Veeka or repetitive motion reaching back toward her car seat - whatever caused it , two years of on - and - off physical therapy have not healed it so , after looking at my most recent MRI , the orthopedist thinks there 's Posted by Yes , Veeks and I went on a 3 - day trip to the exotic confines of central Virginia , spending our first night in Charlottesville with friends ( whose cats Veeka endlessly pursued ) , then moving onto the ski resort of Wintergreen 50 miles SW of Charlottesville . Very overpriced ( lift tickets $ 69 ; daycare a whopping $ 100 ) and small compared to anything west of the Mississippi but there 's not much else available for us East Coasties within a 3 - hour drive . Then onto Lynchburg , where we stayed 2 nights with more friends . One highlight was visiting Jerry Falwell 's grave site at Liberty University - what a huge contraption with an " eternal flame " a la JFK burning out of a cross at the grave . Lots and lots of money invested in that school although Liberty U has a weird location in the middle of town with a campus bi - sected by a freeway . Not the most scenic of spots . The morning we left , it was snowing , so it was with some trepidation that I headed toward Skyline Drive to go home that way . The day turned sunny and we had the loveliest drive on good roads but the terrain was snowy . THEN I hauled Veeka out of the car at one point and made her walk 1 . 3 miles ( round trip ) with me up a hill to a cool viewpoint . She screeched and complained the entire way , claiming she was exhausted , cold , etc . ( She was bundled up in a cozy snow suit ) . So , while the snowy forest was lovely to walk through , the sound effects from The Child were not . Any foxes or deer within earshot surely fled fast . And - wouldn 't you know it , she still did not fall asleep for a nap when we arrived back at the nice warm car . She really liked gazing out the windows at the pretty blue ridged mountains on either side and chomping on Valentine candy I 'd brought along to keep her quiet . The photo is of she and I watching TV at the Lynchburg home of Philip Weeks , a friend from way back . Yes , here is the link to my attempt at stardom this past Sunday morning . I was called late Friday afternoon about appearing on Washington Journal at 8 a . m . Sunday ( ! ) to discuss Obama 's Faith - based and Neighborhood Partnerships office - not a topic I am expert in but when C - SPAN calls , one goes . I told them because they were calling so late , I 'd have to bring Veeka along as there are no babysitters at 7 a . m . on a Sunday . Sooo , up we got at 6 : 15 and an hour later , we were headed downtown . I forgot to snap a photo of Veeka at C - SPAN 's studios ( the one here will substitute nicely ) but she acted pretty well . She grabbed every piece of breakfast food in sight , chomping down on a banana , apple , some buns and of course drinking as much cranberry juice as she could get down - you 'd think I starve the child . She screeched when I was out of the room and on TV but fortunately there was an aide there who was forewarned she was coming , so made sure to watch her . Even provided a coloring book , which Veeka ignored . No other huge news . We are hoping to get away for Washington 's b - day weekend . I really need a break from here . But when I picked Veeka up from the daycare today , she had a sore throat , so I am hoping that doesn 't mean anything nasty is coming . Sigh - I really wish I took better photos but this is a recent one of Veeka and I . I spent today chasing a story about Obama 's new " faith council " of pastors who are going to be - in theory at least - advising him on public policy matters . We shall see . I was a bit miffed at having to do the piece at all , as I thought it was something our 3 - 4 White House reporters should have been onto instead of me . But other news organizations were breaking this story by mid - day , so I knew we 'd look bad if there were nothing on it by Thursday morning in our paper , so I offered to do . One nice thing is that " Quitting Church " ( and I ) got profiled on Beliefnet . com if you want to check here to read it . And supposedly the book is reviewed in the February issue of Charisma but I 've been unable to lay my hands on a copy nor can I locate the review online . I am also speaking about the book to Senate and House aides on Capitol Hill this Friday so things are humming . Veeka is fine and we will be spending next week making Valentines for her little classmates . And 412 years ago on Feb . 5 , 123 Japanese Christians were crucified for their faith in Nagasaki . Fortunately things have improved since then for most of us although I wouldn 't say it 's exactly party time for those of the faith who live in North Korea and Iran . Sigh - I knew it had to happen but Veeka has now discovered a cartoon called " Noggin " ( or maybe it 's a channel - don 't know ) - anyway , she glues herself to this " pre - school channel " whenever she can . Must say it 's nice to have something for her to do that allows me to relax over the paper after dinner instead of her threatening to scrawl red crayon on the walls if I am not paying her close enough attention . I think Noggin is pretty harmless but I 've been aghast at some of the PG - 13 stuff on teen channels only a few clicks away from Noggin . We are fine - going through the yearly ritual of the social worker visit for Veeka 's annual report to the Kazakh embassy on how splendidly she is doing two years into being my daughter . And yes , the court date was two years ago this week - Jan . 25 . The photo you see attached to this is of Veeka dancing last month at a synagogue . Taken by the WTimes ' Joseph Silverman , it shows Olivia Veronika as her perennially dancing self . We woke up to snow falling out of the skies today but fortunately the daycare was operating . Mommy is working on yet another book in her spare time during this quiet time of the year when it 's not all that desirable to be running about outside . Things are ho - hum : the cats went in for their annual check - ups ; I am doing physical therapy for rotator cuff problems from lifting Veeka and I taped a show last week on CBN . Click here to see my video . Also appeared Sunday on Rabbi Lapin 's show on KSFO - AM out of San Francisco . So , we 're still pushing " Quitting Church . " No word as to a second printing yet . I wanted to post my latest faith and family video that I did with Cheryl Wetzstein , a longtime friend and social issues reporter on the paper , that we taped last Wednesday . Heretofore I have been unable to copy and paste video to this blog and the photo is too small but this link works . You can also call up www . washingtontimes . com , then click on " videos " on the top right and scroll down til you see " Faith and Family . " She and I have had fun taping these things . As for everything else , nothing major - today was typical in that I was up four times last night to help Miss Veeka who gets these nasty croup attacks in the middle of the night . Fortunately I have a vaporizer steaming away by her bedside . The doctor 's office said this is typical among kids under 5 that their airway passages are not developed all that well so they get blocked . Sooo , I was up a lot . A babysitter spirited her away for several hours while I got some work done but once she was back , she refused to take a nap ( this is happening more and more ) and wanted to be amused all afternoon so my work came to a standstill . Couldn 't go outside much as the weather is truly frigid and the pipes to my washer ( which are in an outside wall ) seem to have frozen . One nice thing : I will be in a short segment on CBN ( the Christian Broadcasting Network ) this Friday at 4 pm . on one of their news shows . That tape may be replayed during the 700 Club as well . All this will help sell more books . Veeka is coughing again so must go help her . This one was last Friday at the Tyson 's Corner Barnes & Noble store where a lot of folks - about 30 - sat and listened to my lecture . Got some good questions too . Not bad for a Friday night I only sold 12 books , tho , which surprised me a bit considering how many people were listening in . A number of people were personal friends I managed to coax to come out ( on what was a lovely moonlit night here ) and some of them brought their friends which was gratifying . So that is my 3rd booksigning to date . The 2nd one in Seattle sold more books but that was a Christian bookstore with an evangelical constituency . Today 's photo is Oma with the little moppet sitting by the window in their Seattle - area living room . Yes , that is a lake in the background . Veeka talks about flying back to Oma and Opa all the time . Hmmmm . She is doing well . All the Christmas decorations are down and we are steeling ourselves for the Invasion of the Body Snatchers that will begin this weekend when the mobs pour into town for the inauguration . We who actually live here wondering just how we are going to get to work now that the Secret Service is closing down every road they can get their hands on . Those of us in Maryland have it better than those poor Virginians who ( this is not a joke ) are being told they must WALK across one of the bridges if they even hope to get into town Jan . 19 - 20 . Because all of the bridges over the Potomac - except for those underneath the Beltway - will be closed . Of course there is nowhere for most of these Virginians to park before they can walk and the metro that is supposed to transport everyone will probably completely break down from the weight of all the crowds . I really wanted to be out of town this weekend but was told by the folks at work that they really want me around as back - up . Plus I am covering the prayer service the day after the inauguration but again , I cannot fathom as to how I will actually get to the National Cathedral that day as the closest metro stop is a half - hour walk away . And lugging a laptop alPosted by I 've spent most of my life pursuing God and a career in journalism ; along the way managed to see the world and adopt a little beauty from Kazakhstan . I 've written 5 books , the two latest being " Quitting Church : Why the Faithful are Fleeing and What to do About It , " and " Days of Fire and Glory : The Rise and Fall of a Charismatic Community . " The latter is the best book I 've ever written ; my heart and soul went into it .
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Our pose for STU this week was " concerned " . Someone , a group of people or anybody you can think of who shows signs of concern typically recoil themselves , and looking towards the ground , and often have their hands or feet close to each other . I took a look at several references , and did some sketches of concerned poses : I should say shame on me for not watching the first Nanny McPhee . . . I never actually watched Mary Poppins either , and I think that 'll be my next thing to do on my Netflix Queue . Anyways , I thought it was a cute movie to see since Addam usually spends his time with me over the weekends , so we decided to hit the theaters , and purchases ourselves some tickets ! I swear , every time I hear someone speak in a British accent , I just get begin to mimic some of the accent myself . It 's like contagious ! So the story goes like this , Nanny McPhee appears at the doorsteps of a struggling mother , who needed some much - needed assistance in tending to the family farm and raising a group of spirited children while her military husband is fighting overseas . Mrs . Isabel Green , the mother ( played by Maggie Gyllenhaal ) lives in a scenic valley with her daughter and two sons . They each understand the importance of working together as a family , and things are going remarkably smoothly for the rural quartet , until a pair of spoiled cousins arrive for an extended stay , effectively turning the quaint little farm into a virtual zoo . This is when Nannie McPhee ( played by Emma Thompson ) appears , claiming she can bring a much - needed sense of order to the out - of - control household . In time the mysterious helper does just that , using powerful magic to teach her young charges the importance of getting along , and gradually winning their trust in the process . But when the piglets escape from their pen , the contentious kids must work together to recover the family farm 's most valued assets , or risk losing everything their father worked so hard to build before he went off to fight in the war . So this week , we 're learning about the basic walk , and how to put that knowledge to good use and animate a walk cycle by blocking it out first in stepped mode . Victor told us not to get creative , and just get the walking mechanics down . Knowing the basic is important to grasp first , in order to vary it and be creative . He also recommended that we take a look at some of Richard William 's walk cycle examples to get a good idea , and a good initial start on the blocking . Victor also gave us a tutorial online on how to start out the blocking of the walk , and what he will be looking for . Before starting out my blocking in Maya , I decided to do my planning phase in Photoshop , and I did a basic first walk through with a completion of one contact to the next . We are required to animate two full cycles that include four steps . I don 't think I got the rotation on the X - axis correctly , so I 'm going back to do some adjustments : So it has been about 30 minutes now since Addam and I left Century 21 Theaters , after being completely satisfied with watching Scott Pilgrim Vs . The Wold , directed by Edgar Wright . I was pleasantly surprised by how well the movie turned out . It was just simply entertaining , well played out , and all the characters were simply fantastic . I , in particular will list the characters I like most to simply like ( and the ones I don 't list , doesn 't mean I don 't like ) : This morning was a pretty awesome one . Mom had purchased a Vietnamese stainless steel coffee filter yesterday , after I made a comment on how ice coffee doesn 't really taste all that good in America . The last time I tasted the best coffee ever made , was like over 5 years ago , and the reason for that is , what I think , is the ingredients , and how it is executed . I 'm not all that happy with simply having a coffee maker spit out coffee in a few minutes , and then you have the luxury of adding other stuff to make it tasty . I liked the more traditional take on drinking coffee , and enjoying the time it takes to make it . I 'm just a weird girl . Well , anyways , so this morning , mom had a small glass cup already filled with condensed milk ( which was 1 / 5 filled ) , and it was placed in a nice ceramic bowl , filled with freshly boiled water to keep the cup hot and the condensed milk nice and warm . She then took the stainless steel coffee filter , and filled it with 2 1 / 2 spoon of nicely ground coffee , brought from Indonesia by my good friend , Gabby Suseno 's parents . ( Oh , and Gabby , it tasked sooo good ! My dad loves it too ! Much thanks to your parents ! ) After that , she pushed the filter part down hard on it to make sure that when she poured hot water in it , it wouldn 't cause the coffee grounds to spill out of place . We waited for a good 10 - 15 minutes as it slowly dripped drop by drop into the cup . Mom prepared some hand crushed ( with a spoon - where you put the ice and then use a spoon and tapped the ice hard and firm to break it ) and filled a tall glass cup with it . Once the coffee filter was done squeezing out all the good stuff , she then used a spoon and stirred the coffee and condensed milk together , and it created a nice dark caramel color . It smelled so good ! The last step before we shared the drinks together was pouring the hot , freshly made coffee into the tall glass with ice and stir . Now that my friends , is how coffee should be made ( when you have the time , and love a little traditional take on taste ) . On a side note - it tasted AMAZING ! It wasn 't too sweet , or too bitter . Juuuust right ! It was the best start of the morning to energize our minds and memories as we began to share stories of our childhood , and experiences . I was listening and documenting every single events and experiences my mom has gone through as a child , growing up and even now . She 's the best mom I 'm blessed to have , and one amazing inspiration in all the wonderful stories she tells me . I love having mother - daughter time with her . What caught my attention was how much her expression changed each time she mentioned having to work as a young child , and how often she was doing it in the jungles in Vietnam . She would be so energetic when she describe how a particular plant looks like , smelled like and even how the fruits tasted . I was so envious of her , and how carefree it was for her , being so exposed to this fairytale world she was surrounded , and how I wished I could experience it myself . So after our several hours of long talk , storytelling and brunching , I wanted to do something nice for her . I wanted to remind her of her childhood , and that it 'll never disappear . In order to do this , I decided to create a nice little terrarium , filled with tropical plants that she remembers . Small and manageable of course , otherwise we 'll be in big trouble ( just joking ) . We went to the Portland Nursery to do a little browsing and shopping , and found a couple of nice small tropical plants and supplies . After that , we went home , and I started my project . I used a 2 1 / 2 gallon tank that I 've been storing , and thinks it needs to be useful , and decided to spray some water to keep it moist . Then I added the first layer of sand , so that when you water it , it 'll help the roots reach down and collect the water better . After that , I filled a nice layer of gravel / rocks to help keep the sand in place and to create a hard structure for the roots to grab , and lastly soil before planting . I had my mom tell me where she wanted to the plants to go , and after half an hour , we called it good , and I began water it and spraying it to keep it moist . You should have seen mom 's face when I took the lid to the tank and closed the plants , trapping them within the tank . She was like , " wouldn 't it die ? " and I told her , " no , it 's suppose to be like that , after I 've read a couple of articles on how to start a terrarium , besides , they 'll be fine , as long as they have water , and sun . . . " I wasn 't completely satisfied with the finished product , so I went outside and found several tree branches that were already dried and placed them within the tank . So now we 're both happy , and I can 't wait until a week from now to see how it plays out . Mom said best gift ever - plus others . I 'll try to take better pictures , and post more up - best creative , inspirational project completed today ! When I was in my Senior Portfolio class , getting ready to graduate from the Art Institute of Portland , I decided to brand myself with a theme , a ladybug theme . I didn 't know why , but I just liked the colors of red and green , along with black and white , all together . It just created such an amazing color combination , as well as creating an appetite for me every single time I look at a ladybug photograph ( not saying I love eating ladybugs - but there 's just something beautiful about them ) . Anyways , this morning , my mom called me out to the living room because she spotted something red on our white walls . She was suspicious that we had a little ladybug visiting us , but I usually tell her that we don 't get ladybugs around Oregon all that often ( at least in our part of town ) . I came out anyways to investigate . I was pretty shocked when I saw that indeed ! We did have a ladybug in the room ! I was filled with giddy excitement , that I immediately went to the cupboards to grab any clear jars , cups or whatever to contain the visitor . With careful persuasion , I finally got it to climb into the cup . It was so beautiful ! I noticed that it wasn 't too red , or brown but a cross of a brownish - red - orange in color , maybe it 's a female ? Well , I didn 't really care , because I was amazed at how spotty the little visitor was , and I took a picture , and got sad that the camera couldn 't give you quite a fine detail on such a small insect , so I searched online for the closest resemblance , and wha - la ! It looks just like the one I 'm magnifying for you to see ( minus the of the shell ) . I was so tempted to keep it as a pet ( they can live up to 2 - 3 years ! ) But I was afraid of not being able to care for it properly , so I decided to keep it overnight , and then release it later . I did provide water for it to drink so it doesn 't become dehydrated as I held it captive in the cup . It got more active when the evening came . It was an awesome find ! Pretty good stuff , don 't you think ? Well , after I 've done some research , I have gone ahead , and did a simple planning of what my animation will be like . I 'm going to be having Tailor hop from where it 's at , and trying to get to the cliff on the upper left - hand corner . This is to help me figure out the timing , and the arcs , because I 'll be breaking it down in sections to animate , so that blocking the correct timing of the main ball body would help , and then later the tail : It 's been quite a stressful week for me , but when my 3 year anniversary came around the corner , I was actually looking forward to it . I 'm very blessed to have such a wonderful man in my life ( not including my father ) , who has been there for me , to support me and believe in me , in my goals and wishes as well as dreams . Though it may feel like I 'll never succeed , he just makes me want to try . His name is Addam Pool , of course . I love him with all my heart . We didn 't really plan ahead on what to do on our 3 year anniversary , but thanks to Facebook , I stumbled on a picture of my classmate from high school , where she got a custom painted mug from a paint your own pottery place . I decided to search a place like that up , that was local , and I found 3 places , 2 of which seemed to be closing their doors due to the lack of business , and one seemed to be doing just perfectly fine . So I told Addam , and we decided to drive down to the place called , Ready - Paint - Fire in the Pearl district , just a couple of blocks away from our college that we graduated from . They were definitely open , friendly , and I really enjoyed my time there ( especially when it 's with Addam ) . Addam and I decided to keep it simple ( or he 'll say I was the one who demanded it ) , and we added in various sized ladybugs ( because I have a thing for them ever since I graduated from AiPD ) . Painting helped ease my stress level , as well as bring back my enjoyment to being creative again . Best date EVER ! After we were done , we handed over the pottery to be fired and ready for pick - up in 3 days , and headed to Apple Bees for dinner ! Best 3 Years ever , and guess what ? There 's more years to come ! Addam and I went to go see The Other Guys , and it was a hilarious , and strange movie . Anything that Will Ferrell is in , just puts a smile on my face , whether good , or bad or just plain strange . You could say I 'm a fan of Will , and ever since I saw Blades of Glory , I just wanted to watch every movie that has Will Ferrell in it . Anyways , I thought the beginning of movie took a little too long to jump start the excitement on the second half of the movie . A majority of the time , I felt like Mark Wahlberg 's character he was playing , seemed a bit too forced , and any moment he was going to burst out in laughter . Maybe it 's just me - but I swear , when he 's trying to be serious , I just can 't help but laugh on the inside , thinking that the seriousness was a bit too corny , but it just complimented very well with Will Ferrell 's strange character . Terry Hoitz 's past mistakes in the line of duty and Allen Gamble 's reluctance to take risks have landed them the roles of the " Other Guys " , disgraced New York City police detectives relegated to filling out paperwork for cocky hero cops Danson and Highsmith . The mismatched duo must look past their differences when they take on a high - profile investigation of shady capitalist David Ershon and attempt to fill the shoes of the notoriously reckless officers they idolize . Written by The Massie Twins NYPD Detectives Christopher Danson and P . K . Highsmith ( Dwayne Johnson and Samuel L . Jackson ) are the baddest and most beloved cops in New York City . They don 't get tattoos - other men get tattoos of them . Two desks over and one back , sit Detectives Allen Gamble ( Will Ferrell ) and Terry Hoitz ( Mark Wahlberg ) . You 've seen them in the background of photos of Danson and Highsmith , out of focus and eyes closed . They 're not heroes - they 're " the Other Guys . " But every cop has his or her day and soon Gamble and Hoitz stumble into a seemingly innocuous case no other detective wants to touch that could turn into New York City 's biggest crime . It 's the opportunity of their lives , but do these guys have the right stuff ? You can read this exact Plot Summary at this link : http : / / www . imdb . com / title / tt1386588 / plotsummary About 2 years ago , Addam sent me a link to Funny OR Die to watch some really hilarious - er funny stuff . This was when I began to pay attention to Will Ferrell , and he 's such an awesome guy . He can just simply make you laugh without trying too hard ! A couple of weeks ago , Ben Nicholas asked if anyone wanted to volunteer to help out with 3dpdx next meeting , where they were going to have Jeremy Collins , a Disney character animator , as their guest speaker . Guess what ? I volunteered ! Yep . I really wanted to partake in just helping , getting involved , and just having fun - meeting new people , and just learning ( and observing ) . Ben was happy , as well as Joe Myers ( both of whom were founders of 3dpdx ) , and there were several other people who also helped out ( Jacob Grandstaff , Zak Bollens , Michelle Hyde & a few others that I apologize that I didn 't get their names because we started having more people towards the end helping out with cleaning up ) . Michelle and I were in charge of making sure every guest who attended the event put down their information for the raffle drawing that was going to take place at the end of the event , and also providing name tags to ensure everyone at least gets a chance to identify each other . It was fun , and I got a chance to give a few a hard time ( as a tease ) . The event had lots of yummy foods , and drinks as well as some booze , in which I couldn 't even consume because I knew my body couldn 't handle it , but just smelling the fumes of it in the room definitely could get anyone drunk . To my knowledge , I knew that space was limited , because 3dpdx stated that those who were interested should RSVP a spot , and the last time I checked , there were about 70 or 75 spaces available , and I didn 't see too many RSVP , until the day hit . We had well over 75 people . Joe said we had like 90 + people at the event ! Whoa ! The room was so packed , we didn 't really have enough chairs to seat everyone , and even though we brought in more chairs from another room , we were still short ! Thus Jeremy began to tell us of his journey in how he became a character animator . It wasn 't like he graduated from Ringling School of Art and Design , and immediately got a job as a character animator - no , it took some time and patience , and different types of jobs before he got his first big break in character animation in Barnyard , and then it led to being able to animated on Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs . After that , he got the opportunity to work on Tangled , which will be releasing later this year ! It was amazing at all the work he showed . He also got a chance to work on : I Am Legend , Open Season 2 , Alice in Wonderland ( directed by Tim Burton ) . I really enjoyed a majority of commercial stuff he worked on for companies such as : Naughty Dog , Omation and Three Legged Legs . So there you have it . Just a few of his works that he showed everyone at the 3dpdx event . Below are a few pictures I took of him speaking to everyone , and it was just so hot in the room , that he was so red at the end . Not from embarrassment , more like from enthusiastic in speaking to such a large crowd , and just having a great time sharing his experience , and his work . By the end , I was happy that I got a chance to chat with him for a few moments , shake his hand and told him that he is one of many animators out there that truly brings me more inspiration as well as leaving me hungry to aim for my own goal , to become a character animator . After the event ended , a few volunteers and myself began cleaning up , so that everything was spotless for the owners of the building that lent the conference room for 3dpdx to use to host such an awesome event ! It was really great meeting few few fellow Ai graduates and current students , as well as some industry friends . An awesome day indeed ! There 's something about Steve Carell when he plays a role of an idiot . . . ( I know he 's not an idiot in real life ) , but he just does it so well ! I didn 't take notice of him due to the false recommendation from some friends to watch , 40 Year Old Virgin , and goodness me , it was awful . . . not acting awful , but just awkward awful . I just can 't find anything humorous about it . Anyways , Addam kept bugging me about watching The Office TV show , and I delayed for several months , until I finally gave in , and after watching the TV show , I began to like his acting , and how well he embodied himself as the character . I found the movie to be decently humorous , and interesting . I 'd have to say that at some point , I just got bored with the constant " bad karma " that keeps happening , and caught myself crying at some point in the movie because I can relate to it . Overall , the mice that were used as props displaying Barry 's talents really added some nice bonus to me , because they were just so cute ! I 've been away from home for the last 3 days , and I 'm beginning to miss mom 's home cooking . I did get the opportunity to eat some nice delicious foods in California , and my tummy sure is satisfied . Here are some that I got the chance to take a picture : Today was such an amazing day ! Addam , Matt Estes , Julia Dickey , and I attended the Animation Mentor BBQ 2010 at the Crissy Field in San Francisco , CA , ( which was the second time for Matt and Julia - and the very first for Addam and me ) . It felt weird at first for me , because I had just started my first term with AM for the Summer 2010 just a few months back , so I haven 't been able to know a lot of people , and there were just so many wonderful people online on AM , as well as the few who were able to make it to the BBQ . It felt awkward at first , but it slowly got more relaxing . I knew probably 3 - 5 people , half of which use to be my classmates from the Art Institute of Portland ( James O ' Neil , and Matt Estes - Julia of course , but she wasn 't an AM student ) . A majority of time I stood there looking at the crowd of people : standing , sitting and chatting away as they returned my gaze , and we just for a brief moment , try to remember if we could have possibly known each other , and when the gaze didn 't go anywhere from plain staring to the raise of an eyebrow and a smile , we just continued our gaze elsewhere . Pretty funny stuff if you were observing other people doing that ' ritual ' in trying to find classmates and friends . It wasn 't an exceptionally sunny day with clear skies , and it wasn 't showing any signs of possibly raining either . I was amazed at how hot it got , just standing around . Thanks to my dark hair , it didn 't help reflect the light , more like absorbing it , and I began to feel exhausted by the heat , but the frequent trip to the refreshment stand helped replenish my thirst . Oh , I forgot to mention , as we were making our trip to the AM BBQ location , it totally sucked trying to find parking , so Addam and Julia decided to go search for parking and let Matt and me off to go mingle with the rest of our classmates at the BBQ . I tagged along , feeling like a lost puppy with Matt , as he was telling me stories , and introducing me to some of his fellow classmates . I had the honor of meeting Cesar Cueva ( from Seattle , WA ) , Matt Dibb ( from Holladay , UT ) , Rachel Anchors ( currently residing in Van Nuys , CA ) , Sidney Kintombo ( from Grenoble , Isere , France ) , and many more . Since I failed to RSVP before the deadline earlier for the BBQ , Addam and I went as one of Matt Estes ' guests , so I didn 't get a raffle ticket to enter into the raffle drawing that occurred near the end of the BBQ . We had the opportunity to talk to Carlos Baena and Shawn Kelly , who were both totally awesome guys , and the cofounders of Animation Mentor . Bobby Beck , who was the CEO of Animation Mentor , wasn 't able to make it because he was having a wedding , but wished us all the best and awesome time . During the raffle drawing Carlos and Shawn were such goofs , and showing everyone their personalities as well as hilarious jokes . Thus the raffle drawing began , and there were awesome prizes that were being given out ( and I really wish that next year , if they still have it , I could enter , and possibly win ! ) here are a few pictures of Carlos and Shawn :
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A review of tonight 's " How I Met Your Mother " coming up just as soon as my ability to grow facial hair correlates with my ability to be a good father … God help me , they 're screwing up Robin and Barney twice . The first time around , the writers were afraid to commit to the idea . They turned Robin into a stereotypical clingy girlfriend , had them fight constantly , and eventually put Barney in a fatsuit . They could not get out of that storyline fast enough . But still I let myself believe that if they ever got back to it , it would work . The chemistry between Smulders and Harris was too good , the match between the two characters too strong , for it to not work if the show wanted it to work . Instead , it 's like the " HIMYM " writers are going out of their way to make the prospect of them getting together as unappetizing as possible . First , they had them make out , then fall into bed together , while they 're both in committed relationships with other characters . Sure , we care not at all about Nora ( and I 'm not sorry to see her gone , given how little the show even tried to make me care about her ) and only slightly more about Kevin , but they 're both good people who don 't especially deserve to be cheated on . So had Barney and Robin both gone through with their confessions tonight , version 2 . 0 of their relationship would have been built on a very unsympathetic foundation . And yet , NPH was so good in those scenes where Barney was acknowledging how he felt about Robin that I would have probably let that go eventually . Instead , we get one of those lame sitcom contrivances where one character gets out of a relationship and the other doesn 't , not because it 's what that character would actually do , but because the writers want to delay things for a while . Now we get to see Barney pine for Robin ( or overcompensate by going hardcore back to the playbook ) , get to see Robin feel conflicted , get to see the umpteenth variation on Ross and Rachel . Sigh … Again , I like Kevin as much as I 've liked any outside boyfriShare This I laughed out loud during that part of the show . It is the type of laughter that made me feel good about laughing . It was a really great moment for the show . The 2 minutes was enough to save the Ted / Marshall stuff . I laughed enough throughout to make the episode worth it . By : Brendan Noel 11 . 15 . 2011 @ 4 : 28 AM I remember a couple seasons ago thinking I was basically done with the Office , but defending this show because " at least it 's still funny " . Now the Office is back to being funny at least sometimes , and HIMYM is just useless . It 's sad . By : Mark 11 . 15 . 2011 @ 4 : 27 AM No offense , Geoff , but you have no clue how therapies work , do you ? This is not necessarily out of character for a person who knows about psychology . Especially if said person is involved in a personal manner . By : Geoff Rose 11 . 15 . 2011 @ 7 : 42 AM I think Kevin realizes that sooner or later him and Robin won 't work out . He knows her feelings for Barney as much as she does herself , but he 's falling for her too . He 's being selfish , trying to hold on to her as long as he can before the inevitable happens . That 's how I see it . Geoff singled out the one element of this stupid show that almost made sense and came close to being real . If I cheat on my spouse , I might desperately need to talk about it and have another person tell me " It 's OK , you did a bad thing , but this does not make you an evil person . People make mistakes . Just make sure you get treatment so this never happens again . " That person does not need to be my spouse . In fact , it is very cruel to make your spouse the first person you talk to . The correct approach , Geoff , is to get treatment first , work out all the issues and , only then go to the person - and only then if it is necessary ( say , you love the person you cheated with and want to marry them ) . Was getting so excited that they were going to do it semi - right … . but then they did THAT . It is getting harder and harder to hit play on HIMYM in my DVR listing . Its not for laughs any more , but I just want to see what is going to happen to these characters that I like ( I think I still like them ) . By : tvvinny 11 . 15 . 2011 @ 5 : 09 AM Exactly my reaction . I was hopeful , and by the end I was doing an epic facepalm over how badly the writers had screwed it up again . I came very close to killing the entry on my DVR . I was angry at the writers for the whole episode , because I knew one of them would get out of their relationship and the other wouldn 't , because that 's what always happens . So I was ok until I saw Barney packing up the rose petals and blowing out the candles and then I just became terribly sad for a fictional character . By : Liz Matter 11 . 15 . 2011 @ 4 : 33 AM I totally saw the ' two minutes ' thing coming . And I don 't believe Barney would have said that . Remember when he said she was " the greatest woman in the world " ? What happened to that ? Did we actually see how they got together ? Didn 't they just sort of flash forward from him being her therapist to the two of them being together ? I don 't know , I find their whole relationship kind of weird and off - kilter . I 'm hoping we get a flashback episode or something that clears stuff up . I 'm pretty much done with HIMYM . I 've been hanging in the past couple seasons because I like hanging out with NPH for 30 minutes every week , but seeing Robin crush Barney 's heart like that broke me . It was in no way enjoyable television . I had to watch P & R to cleanse myself of the sadness . I may pick up an episode here and there when you say great things about it , but it looks like Parks and Rec is the only comedy I can count on come January . : ( ( well , depending on how 30 Rock is upon return ) it was more than that … Vic said that she could tell that there was more to Ted and Barney still hanging out with Robin than meets the eye . Aparently , neither of them were really finished with her . Future ted said she was right Even though you could see it coming a mile away , the " 2 minute " payoff cracked me up . Barney and Robin are so good together that I was ready to put aside all the horrible build up to them getting back together , and I was so disappointed by the controvance at the end Somebody remind me what Ted said at the end of the Victoria episode . By : Brendan Noel 11 . 15 . 2011 @ 4 : 32 AM Robin is the AT & T of people . Barney has come just as far as Robin has fallen through the years , so I knew she was going to be the one to screw that up . This episode is only setting up another six months of Barney pining over Robin before she finally breaks it off with Kevin in time for them to get married in the finale . The two of them getting together would only have confirmed that they would break up by the finale and Barney would marry stupid Nora , which is an even less desirable outcome . It 's Jim / Pam / Roy / Karen all over again , and done a lot less eloquently . I 'm not as upset over the episode as most people , but that 's probably because I 'm SOOOOOOOOOOOO GLAD THAT NORA ' S OUT OF THE PICTURE . There 's no WAY that , after all this ( and the fact that we were never made to really like Nora ) , that she marries Barney . And I 'm so definitely okay with that . The writers and NPH totally got me during all of the Barney scenes tonight . It occurred to me yesterday that ( as far as I can remember ) there 's no guarantee the wedding actually happens , only that Barney * intends * to marry someone that day , and might back out , or marry the other person instead , or all kinds of wacky hijinks . I am not sure how much I care . By : kh 11 . 17 . 2011 @ 2 : 21 AM I just watched a rerun the other night where Lilly identified a mix tape that Marshall made for her in the fall of their sophomore year . Marshall then mentioned 1997 being a good year ( or something like that ) . So Ted , Lilly , and Marshall graduated high school in 1996 and were probably born in 1978 . So they 're 33 now . I definitely felt crushed by what Robin did to Barney , but at the same time I felt angry with the writers , because I just don 't believe she 'd actually do it . And that terrible answer Barney gave her was so unlike him . We 've witnessed him telling her multiple times in multiiple ways exactly how awesome he thinks she is . Contrivance run amok . Yeah , I can buy Robin being scared of getting hurt or screwing up a second try at a relationship with Barney , but I didn 't buy Barney 's terrible answer . It just seemed like a contrivance so Kevin could give her an amazing one instead . Barney has told Robin how awesome she is so many times over the seasons that it was stupid that he could only think of " you 're less messed up than me " as a reason . Maybe that is just me , but I can really relate to Barney here , which is why I totally bought the line he brought up . It 's one thing to lie , to come up with amazing stories to get laid or even tell people how amazing they are … it 's completly another thing to actually try to be saved , which is something only happens if you are as messed up a person as Barney is . But if you are , " You 're almost as messed up as me " ( not less , almost . That 's really important here . ) is an incredible good answer . I liked it way better than Kevin 's . By : taylorashleigh 11 . 16 . 2011 @ 8 : 21 PM The thing that bothered me the most about this ep was Robin 's line , " Why do you even like me ? I 'm so messed up . " Regardless of the respective answers , I just don 't buy that a confident woman in her 30 's would throw out such an angsty question usually reserved for 19 year - old girls . I know Robin has her issues , and that she is fairly insecure deep down , but she knows why both men like ( love ) her , and her asking just made me cringe . Yuck . I disagree . Only because future Ted has made it clear that he meets the mother at the wedding so seeing how Barney gets to the point of his wedding is very important I think . By : Benmo 11 . 15 . 2011 @ 4 : 43 AM I absolutely agree . I thought this was one of the strongest this season and the fact that it dealt with real emotions and the fact that relationships are , not just hard but complicated … I don 't know . I really liked it . I was starting to feel like the Ted / Marshall stuff was running long , but " It 's a sign , dude " made that entire storyline worth it for me . I agree , it was well done . Barney 's shtick irritates me and has done for a long time , so I definitely prefer the show when he 's a real boy with actual feelings . And NPH played it perfectly , it 's exciting to watch such good acting even though it was terribly sad . That said , I think the writers could have done better this season setting up Robin 's thing about how she 's " so screwed up " - it could have worked , but we haven 't seen enough of her internal struggle . The mistake was making Kevin her therapist in the first place . If we had been able to keep on seeing her in therapy now and then , the writers could have used it to explore Robin 's issues with her Dad and so on that would have felt organic and still been funny . And Kevin could just have been a good guy with the same dry sense of humour - he didn 't need to be a therapist . At the end of the day , though , it should be the reason Robin will break up with him - a therapist dating a patient is such an abuse of power that the audience is never going to feel complete sympathy for the character . There needs to a be a call back to that eventually . By : Jtshee010 11 . 16 . 2011 @ 3 : 19 AM And yes , I was frustrated with Robin 's decision , but NPH 's stellar performance was … well , stellar . I wish I knew how many episodes Kal Penn was signed up for . Then we 'd know how long this relationship would last more or less … But hey , we 'll see what happens next week … I 'm curious about the Ted and Barney plot for next week ( if curious , see the WIkipedia page for HIMYM season 7 ) Count me among the crowd that found the " Sandwich " humor funny . I expected Robin to back out of their deal . If there is a person more afraid of commitment than Barney , it 's Robin . Did anyone else think that the running around in circles looking for nachos but ( almost ) missing the concert was maybe a metaphor for all of us looking for clues in the HIMYM mythology but missing the goodness of the show ? I think they downplayed the metaphor by making it fun of it with the tape recording , but it struck me as something the writers would comment on at this stage ( concert pun intended ) . Maybe they 're saying : chill . By : Antonia 11 . 15 . 2011 @ 5 : 03 AM Despite the bad plotting , I couldn 't help but feel for Barney at the end of the episode . Part of that is NPH 's moving performance , another part is what the writer 's did to Barney last season . I don 't think this kind of emotional weight would 've been possible three seasons back . On the other hand , both Robin and Kevin were totally unbelievable . And I liked Barney 's answer better , because it was honest . Kevin 's was just some starry - eyed romantic cliché . It takes superb acting , to make me hate someone as much as I hated Robin when she shook her head at that moment . The pain on Barney 's face made my skin crawl and my heart drop . I actually hurt for him . Neil Patrick Harris … wow … that 's all I can say … Robin has low self - esteem , clearly . She went with the answer that made her sound beautiful , not the honest answer . The age old question , really . Do you want someone that sees you for who you are , or who sees you for who you want to be ? But I still think they 'll get together . As for the other guys - again , Marshall owned the scenes , but they were both hilarious freaking out at the sign ! Marshall reminded me of his days on Freaks and Geeks . I completely agree with the point about Robin going with the answer that made her seem better . While Kevin 's answer seemed so phony ( I 'll get to that in a moment ) , I can completely understand what Robin did . Plus , we can all say that we know she belongs with Barney and whatnot , but it 's not easy to dump someone when they just poured their heart out to you . Especially when you care about them , as I 'm sure Robin does . As for Kevin 's answer , someone above commented that he knows he 's going to lose Robin , and he 's trying to make it last . I can see this ; when you feel someone slipping away , you tend to hold on tighter , do and say what you can to keep them . While I 'm sure Kevin feels that way about Robin , it did seem like he was going over the top a bit , because he sensed that what Robin wanted to tell them could tear them apart . He 's being naive , definitely , but his answer is completely understandable . I disagree with most people here , in that I LOVED this episode . I watched it twice in a row , just because I was so invested in it . While most people HATE Robin 's decision , I can relate . It 's easy to say you 're going to break up with someone , but it 's not as easy to do it . Especially when you care about them , and even more especially when they just said they loved you for the first time . I can understand Barney 's almost ease with it ; Robin is the only woman he has ever ( seemingly ) loved , and he 'll do anything to be with her . But Robin has been in love before , with Ted and with Don , so while she does have those feelings for Barney , it 's not as easy to end things for something she knows can end . Barney seems more in that idealistic , we can run away together and be in love stage , while Robin realizes the impact of what she feels and what she is going to do . As for Marshall and Ted , I found it hilarious . The fake - out , three hour wandering was way less funny than the video of what actually happened , but when you put the two different perspectives together , especially the " it 's a sign " and the heart attack , were HILARIOUS , and had me cracking up . The bathroom line / nachos thing got old the third time , as we came to expect it , but it was still funny at the end when they really didn 't remember where it was . And I will ALWAYS be a sucker for the creative ways they use the sandwich cover , like hard meats . Hahaha ! What bothered me about this episode is that it made Robin look terrible . Just a few episodes ago she was struggling with seeing Barney with another woman , then she jumps into this relationship with Kevin , and now she 's confused about her feelings for Barney ? Robin used to have some direction , even if she had troubles in her romantic relationships . Now she 's just an insecure mess . Also , Barney was so hung up on Nora , made a grand effort to get her back , and then tossed her aside just like that ? And okay , Nora was rather bland , but she 's Robin 's co - worker . Isn 't it going to be uncomfortable once Robin and Barney inevitably get back together ? I love Robin as a character , but I hate when love interest stuff make characters come off as self - involved , flaky and thoughtless of their actions . I 'm kind of dreading the future wedding stuff now . By : Anoel 11 . 15 . 2011 @ 5 : 47 AM I love Barney / Robin a lot and I was super disappointed last time they messed them up ( to the point where I could barely watch the show ) but I don 't think it 's quite as bad as you write here . Last time they messed up their characterizations and their relationship , THAT I had a problem with . This time they 're just torturing us with almost , almost which I suppose I 'm used to and can appreciate when I love them so much . Plus I found the Barney / Robin scenes funny ( not the other ones ) . I don 't think them cheating is unsympathetic - with their histories ( especially Barney 's ) , it 's almost expected . And a part of me is glad they didn 't get together right after that so they 're future relationship ( I hope ) is not built on cheating at first . I am afraid Nora is going to come back to make the wedding question still happen ( I 'm still not sold on a wedding either way though ) . We 'll see . At least they didn 't ruin my love of the characters like last time and I 'm still enjoying the show . I really agree - last time I found it incredibly difficult to forgive the show for what they did to their characters , and it took awhile before I could get back into Barney and Robin . This episode ( which I actually quite liked ) didn 't hurt the characters at all to me - Barney became much more sympathetic , and I find Robin 's lack of self - confidence incredibly human . I 'm now really looking forward to them getting back together . I realize it was brief and we 're supposed to have gotten over it , but still … Kevin was Robin 's therapist . Is it any wonder he knows exactly the right thing to say to keep her ? ( And it 's something that happens to assuage her surprisingly low self - esteem . Really , is it possible that a woman who keeps saying " I 'm such a mess - why do you even like me ? " doesn 't need therapy ? ) I think Kevin is intended to be a good guy , especially as played by Kal Penn , but you could also see his character as a manipulative creep . That 's true . I hadn 't really thought about Kevin knowing the exact right words to say to manipulate Robin . But you 're right , I don 't know that we 're supposed to see him in that light or not . Probably not , but with him being her therapist there 's always going to be that possibility for manipulation there . Good point ! I 'm not a Kevin fan I mean why would he want Robin knowing how she feels about Barney and knowing that they are always hanging out . I mean he has to know that the something really bad was her hooking up with Barney . He seems super manipulative now that you mention it Kevin also knows why Robin came to see him in the first place , because she was jealous of Nora . You don 't have to be a therapist to put two and two together to see why she was jealous of Nora . He knows she still has feelings for Barney , and probably suspected what happened , Barney pretty much let that slip at dinner with his little word plays about " cheating " , " breaking trust " , if Kevin is any kind of therapist he picked up on that right away . So he said what he had to keep Robin his for the time being . Nope , not alone , and at first when Ted says " Everything will be fiiiine . " So been there done that . And when Marshall accidentally leans over to Lilly and says " Lilly has no idea how messed up I am . " She calls him on it and he just leans over to Ted and repeats the same thing … . my god I was rolling ! ! Really enjoyed it ! I really enjoyed this episode . I loved this line that Nora 's dad says , " " When you meet the right person you know it , you can 't stop thinking about them . They 're your best friend and your soulmate . You can 't wait to spend the rest of your life with them . No one and nothing else can compare . " NPH delivers a moving performance in the last few seconds of the episode . Also , I think this is the first time we see that Barney got his heart broken . By : RD 11 . 15 . 2011 @ 6 : 31 AM I enjoyed the B plot . I didn 't laugh at first when they waited at the women 's washroom line . But , my lol 's got louder and louder for each subsequent one . Well , I 'll say this : this episode surprised me because it totally throws off the " Barney gets engaged to Nora and Robin breaks it up " ending to the season I was expecting . ( Unless Nora takes Barney back , which sadly I am expecting them to do . Like I care . ) So there 's that . NPH knocked it out of the park in this one , for the most part . But … I suppose we should have expected this kind of thing for them to bring it up this early in the season . Feh , whatever . Doesn 't make sense , but what does when you have to drag a couple out all year . I guess I 'm in the minority . I sort of liked the Barney / Robin direction . Look , one of the things the writers have slowly realized in recent years is that this show had to be more of an ensemble show than Ted and the gang . They made it clear this year that this was going to be a year as much about Ted meeting the mother at Barney 's wedding as it was about Barney developing as a character . Barney 's long been the most intriguing character on the show . It 's partly because NPH is great , and partly because they let him do crazy antics , but it 's more because he was the most layered character , as tough as that is to imagine . He was the one who was the most complex , had the most issues to work out . And we 're seeing him grow . We 're seeing him deal with his emotions and feelings , and I think that 's positive . I was somewhat expecting the writers to take the easy way out and make Robin the one that was hurt , but it was nice that they went the other way . So , the question is … is this true to Robin as a character ? And … I don 't know if it isn 't . She had to see Kevin on account of her feelings to Barney , and the end of that episode saw her work things over a bit on that end . It 's human to make a mistake , as much as we may hate this " cheating " angle , but I think it 's believable that she has enough feelings to want to hang onto , but does not have enough to commit to Barney right now . And , Sepinwall , douchebag , this is the time of thing that WOULD happen in a real life situation , especially with these two characters . They 've never been able to make it work because they 're scared to take the necessary risks , and this was another example of that fear haunting them . Robin would rather be safe with someone who clearly loves her than risk the pain of failing with Barney AGAIN . Personal attacks aside , I agree with the part of this post about how one of them probably would 've screwed the other one over IRL . Both of them absolutely hate being vulnerable … and Barney seems to be taking bigger steps forward than Robin in that regard . By : Tausif Khan 11 . 15 . 2011 @ 6 : 57 AM I felt this episode was just cribbing notes off of the vision quest journey . It had not only one wise foreigner ( foreigner broadly conceived to include Native Americans , African Americans and the people of Asia ) played by Kevin and Nora 's dad . It had the traditional drug induced state and made the characters realize something about their relationship . This made me want to watch the classic Simpson 's vision quest episode / movie . That 's because Barney and Robin were a screwed up idea for a couple in the first place . HIMYM aspired to be original , but then they went for the lame sitcom contrivance of putting their core characters together in alternating couplings . And while Barney and Robin would theoretically make good partners in real life ( if Barney ever settled down ) , it doesn 't make for good television . Oh let 's put the two alpha dog , red - meat , pheromone - driven characters together … . Yawn . Contrast is what makes for good TV couples ( think Ross and Rachel ) . Of course , I 'm going toget jumped on for this because Barney and Robin fans are frequently vocal and obnoxious . But , they are not nearly as representative of HIMYM fans as they think they are . People who dislike Barney and Robin aren 't nearly as loud about it , but from surveying sober forums not domminated by over - the - top fannishness , I 'd estimate there are just as many people who don 't want to see them together as do . Not me . I 've never liked the idea of Robin & Barney together - for the reason you stated : alternating couplings is something that TV shows do because they 're too lazy to create new characters . It 's also something that almost ONLY happens on TV . Dating within your existing circle of friends is lazy in real life too . Those two are practically brother and sister by now . I used to be against Robin and Barney getting together because Robin was the ultimate girl and there was never going to be any way Barney would deserve her . Now ? Meh . Maybe they do deserve each other . This is not the same Robin that Ted dated at all . I have to say , as old as these dragging - the - plot - on gags are getting , I continue to come back to this show for one reason : Barney . NPH started out as the comic backbone of the show , the suave and shameless ladies man whose antics don 't get old for at least four seasons . Now , I keep tuning in to HIMYM for this new side of Barney . If this show has hit me hard in the gut once , it was the basketball hoop exchange between NPH and John Lithgow . Barney continues to mature throughout this show , and it 's the most earnest and heartfelt aspect left in this seemingly endless mess . Tonight 's episode wasn 't the best , not by a long shot . But the change on NPH 's face when Kevin walked in the door ? Phenomenal acting , and totally worth a few measly minutes of my life otherwise spent washing dishes . I agree with you about Barney , especially the basketball hoop dialogue ! Such great acting . By : HitFix User 11 . 15 . 2011 @ 8 : 08 AM I quite enjoyed the episode , especially in the context of what we know about this season so far . Victoria stated in Ducky Tie that the whole Ted / Barney / Robin " sitting in a bar " thing was destined for failure , and Ted admitted it was true . It appears we now have the flashpoint . At least , I can 't imagine how else their current relationship status quo would get blown up . I 'm very interested to see what Ted does with what he witnessed . He obviously doesn 't know ( yet ) why Barney was in Robin 's room cleaning up . I wonder if he confronts Barney , Robin , or both . Will he decide that he 's had enough of the dysfunction , and distance himself from either of them ? I always preferred Chander & Monica to Ross & Rachel because their characters actually DID something - meet , become friends , get together , fall in love , get married , etc . They managed to echo more of our own lives ( since , let 's face it , the audience should be growing up themselves ) . There is almost nothing funny about watching someone stand still … and I can 't relate to characters who are practically infantilized for years and who can 't move on in their lives . I really , really liked this episode , and I think it 's because I don 't care whether Robin and Barney get together or not . Their pairing always seemed out of left field for me : Barney 's attraction to Robin is understandable given their characters and dynamic , while hers to him was a puzzling plot contrivance . The moment she suddenly had feelings for him at the very end of the season four finale , the show started careening out of control and it 's taken it two years for the writers to start getting a handle on things again . Over time , I 've accepted Robin 's attraction to Barney simply because they 've been telling us it exists for two years now , so I 'll go with it . But if you really don 't care whether they get together or not , then there 's no way NPH 's performance this episode ( combined with the boat singers , and the slapstick punchline to the Ted / Marshall / Lily story ) don 't elevate this episode to season four levels for you . I rarely disagree with your reviews but think you are a little harsh in this one . While you do mention it was superbly acted , you still dislike the episode because it doesnt match your desired storyline . I want to see them bring Barney / Robin back together , but it doesn 't matter to me if it 's today or in 4 weeks if they do great episodes like this to get to that end goal . I thought it was probably the best episode of the season and if they keep doing that , I 'll be much happier with the show then if they put together the storyline you want from them . I think that was the point of the storyline , to make them realize , in the words of Danny Glover , that they 're too old for this sh * * . It 's not fun getting old … Watch How I Met Your Mother Season 7 Episode 10 Full Episode Online @ h t t p : / / movieleak . org / I don 't get why so many think Barneys answer was terrible . I think it was really honest and sweet , and showed he really understands Robin . And I believe she got that too . I just hope the rest of this season won 't be Barney pining over Robin , just like season 4 . I 'd like them all to get their own way for a little while and come clear with themselves . It 's too bad they didn 't show more of Barneys love for Nora : we just had to believe he was really into her and she made him change , but we don 't really know why . And now it 's over and nobody cares ? Doesn 't make sense . Maybe they 'll have Lily sorting things out and look after Barney . She 's always been good at that , and we don 't get to see a lot of her these days . Although I would like to see Barney and Robin to get married , I won 't mind them getting happy wih someone else . This whole storyline about one - loving - the - other and than the other way around is getting a little annoying . I 'm curious what they 're going to do with Barney : going fully back to the old Barney would be odd . Maybe a lighter version of him . I feel like the writers feel like they have to get everybody there screen time on this show . I would have been much happier with a story told by the characters at the bar about there respective nights . I guess I 'm saying that it 's not the stories I 'm having a problem with , but the way they are being told . Have Barney telling his thread of the story to Ted , Marshall and Lily waiting for Robin to arrive at midnight , then have Robin show up with Kevin . Then use the following episode dealing with the fallout and get Robin 's thread of the story . Boom ! As a person who doesn 't want to see Barney and Robin end up together , I loved the episode . Barney 's a sociopath . A lovable funny sociopath , but a sociopath nonetheless . The writer 's did a good job of showing that he is motivated by selfish reasons to be a good mate . He needs to grow a lot more as a character before I cheer him on as a romantic lead .
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One of the school activities that the kids took advantage of was a salsa and merengue lesson which was gratis . Logan whined the whole day before but after the class , he wanted to take more lessons . Addie was almost as tall as some of the indiginous men , as you can see here . What was really fun is that all of the men were so welcoming to her and she was the only child there . Men were lined up in one row on one side of the room , with women opposite and they changed partners every minute or so . Here , Logan is dancing with Juli , who just happened to be staying with Marta Julia so we were able to get to know her a bit more that evening . He danced with a number of " hotties " and he was the tallest man in the room . The guys liked Kenz and one creepy older man made some moves she felt uncomfortable with . . . all in the open , no touching but just a bit creepy . See Logan in the mirror reflection dancing with another " hottie . " Logan , Kenz and Addie in their line formation . Incredibly humorous was when the instructor was telling the woman to do " sexy " and showed them how to turn , using their hands , their hair and their bodies to tell a story . You have not lived until you have seen a 7 year old model , " sexy . " After the class and for days after , the kids were dancing , " sexy " at the house and Addie especially enjoyed teaching Vivi , the six year old at our house how to dance . Kenz and Logan joined in . Posted by A poor person 's grave . . . note the dirt mound but at least , on this one , there is a cross with a name . Sadly , there were mounds like this of dirt covering the dead , with no markers . Over time , with rain and wind , all is eroded . We met Bill and Paul , friends from the Riecken Foundation for a couple of days in Chichicastenango which is a huge market town . Here you can see the mix of foreigners and indigenous out shopping in the afternoon . It was a huge crush of bodies and tents full of interesting things to look at and buy . We did leave some money behind to help spur on the economy in Guate . This lady is carrying live bird off . . . either to sell or she had just bought them . Kids thought that rather , " gross . " Although I have seen people carrying huge bundles of materials in many countries in Latin America and in Africa , I have not seen the size of bundles being carried in relatioship to the minute size of these people . Here in Chichi the people are often carrying more than their body weight or size . Look at this bundle . We visited this cemetary and this is a photo from aways away so you can see the various colors of the mauseleos . They were ornately decorated and apparently , this is not a safe place to be after dark . Up close . . . these really are beautiful but sadly , the whole cemetary was filthy dirty with trash strewn about . Bill reminded me how long it took us in the US to enforce anti - littering laws . We visited a coffee finca to see how coffee is produced and packaged . Interestingly , the guide said that Vietnam is now the second highest producer of coffee , pushing Colombia into third place . Guatemala was around 16th place , as I remember . The red coffee beans are good to pick and in Guatemala , this is a manual production process . After picking the beans are sorted and washed and then laid out to dry as you see below . This is a final step where they roast the beans and then package many . Most are exported but Azotea does package beans and grind some for sale in their shop . Yup . . . bought some to bring home . The coffee smells we loved . Here , the men are drying beans and they rake them and turn them all day . We had some uncharacteristic rains for this time of year while there and the whole production process has to be completed before the end of March when the heavy rains start . Beans can be redried if wet , but if there isn 't enough time at the end of March to redry , the " crop " of beans not yet dried , and packaged will be lost . Interesting to watch them walk all over the beans . . . . coffee we would be drinking . This man sat outside of La Union , making bracelets most every afternoon . Kenz was " bracelet man 's " best customer . . . I think she bought about 10 of his bracelet 's which he could make , with a specific name woven onto the bracelet in about 10 minutes flat . When we went into the crowded indigenous marketplace , we ran into him and he grinned hugely to see us / her . Loved this angel which we saw at Las Recoleciones . . . an old church , school and infirmary originally built in the mid - 1700 's . There were so many precious moments during our week away and several were just started by the kids . . . for example : Addison was fond of saying , " My mother says you have to x , y , z . " That typically was initiated by Addie 's being asked to do something she didn 't want to do and I suggested rather strongly that her mother wasn 't in Guatemala and I was in charge . . . so she would do what I said and when I said it . Worked . And then , one day , I had a blow out case of diarrheah which isn 't easy to manage when there aren 't fast food restaurants to quickly stop by and use . Logan , being considerate , asked me later in the day , " How is your scrotum feeling ? " When I stopped laughing , I had to ask , " How did you know I had one ? " He , of course , meant my rectum but we didn 't let that stop us from kidding him the rest of the week . Our driver from the school , Hector , a very nice married young father , was the source of much ribbing on the part of Logan and Kenz . They decided because I talked to him quite a bit on our tours / trips , that he was " mi amor , mi cielo . " Nice guy and on the way to the airport , while talking , these two nitwitted teens laughed it up at my expense in the back seat . And then , Addie was a bit particular about her eating . First night at dinner , she had an upset stomach so couldn 't eat . 10 minutes later , she said her throat hurt , forgetting that the original issue was her stomach . She was pretty hungry the next morning . But she heard we were having French Toast the following day for breakfast and she said she didn 't like that so , I asked our host moMaite We went to the home of Marta Julia , a woman I have stayed with twice before . Interestingly , we ended up staying with her daughter , Karla . Here is a photo of our travel group . . . minus the good looking young lady next to Logan who is also a student here at La Union and who is staying with Marta Julia . Marta invited us to come over one evening for dinner and we laughed and told stories . . . like the one of Alex who on his first day of language class , listed off a list of vulgar terms that he had learned during the day . Marta Julia was appalled , collected herself and then , asked again , what more he had learned . He happily told her . And this story is how Karla knew that I was the mother of this young man . She made us horchata de arroz . . . an very interesting rice drink which she made that evening and we had quesadillas which Addison particularly enjoyed . More coming . Posted by While I waited in the airport , I sat next to this couple who were also going to Guatemala on a mission trip . I died laughing when their wine order arrived . . . they ordered a " flight " of red wines . . . three per . We all arrived in Guatemala City and our bags also made it . Had some issues . . . my flight getting into Dallas / Ft . Worth to join the three grandkids coming from Detroit was going to be late and I wouldn 't get in til the next day . Let 's see , three kids in Guate who don 't speak the language . The driver we had arranged was to be there . . . so all should go OK . Had a fit and it was decided that I should hop a plan , go to Miami and then get to Guate about 20 or so minutes before the kids landed , because their flight was also late . It worked and I went through immigration , got my bag and then , talked with security and said I wanted to exit and hang where the kids could see me the minute they came down . Very suspicious but when I told them that Addie is only seven , they rushed me to wait at the foot of the stairs . They watched me like a hawk but they were soooo wonderful . Imagine trying that in Miami ? More tomorrow . Love that word and that is what this shall be . . . little bits of nothing that I want to share with friends and family and that I don 't want to forget . This cutie is Layne , Kristin and Pat 's youngest and apparently destined to work in the newspaper industry one day . I worked ArtFest Fort Myers all last weekend and had a ball . I saw things and heard things that just made me guffaw and chortle . An elderly lady walked by our tent , and one of the volunteers , himself tatooed and pierced , commented on her legs . Apparently the intricate vines which wrapped her legs from ankle to ? were newly tatooed . He could tell they were freshly done and we discussed why an " old lady " would do that to herself ? I had NO answer but was rather impressed that she may have always wanted to do this and now , was liberated and able to not care what anyone thought . Loved it . And then , one of the ArtFest volunteers is named Heidi and we were discussing how she hated to be called Heidi - Ho and how that embarassed her . I suggested that nothing could compare with how badly I shocked my Heidi when she and her friend , both high schoolers , were walking ahead of me in the mall . I yelled at her , saying , " Ho ! " The whole mall stopped walking and turned to look at me . I genuinely did NOT know what HO meant . Heidi did and so did all the mall shoppers . . . imagine that I had called her , " Heidi Ho " for ages and she had never informed me that Ho was short for " whore ! " Anyway , I was sharing this at lunch , with many of the other volunteers and one guy literally spewed his food outta his mouth . He was laughing soooo hard . One of the best moments of ArtFest was seeing one of our Boys and Girls Club partner board members dressed in his logo polo shirt , raise his beer in front of our workers and those around our tent . I wanted to ask him if he understood image and marketing but I didn 't . The good Teresa was working that evening ! David , a Hospice staffer shared great book with me . This book , written by Ulla Carin Lindquist tracks her life as she tried to celebrate every momenPosted by I wrote a bit about my Hospice experiences yesterday and in the night , realized what I am enjoying is being an advocate for those who can 't speak for themselves or who have no family close by . As I walked this morning in the dreary rain , I was reflecting on my dad 's last few months with us and was hoping that we helped him on his way in a way that he wanted . The whole of Hospice , for me , is living and dying with dignity and in peace . I am trying to learn how to handle that so I can be graceful , ( and yes , I realize that Teresa and graceful in the same sentence is truly an oxymoron ) when confronting the necessity of leaving family and friends . Dad told us for several months that he would take his own life when the time was right for him . And that would be when the pain was too great and when he was ready to meet Him . We talked . We cried . We argued . But , he had warned us that the day his light was not on when we woke up , we should not allow Alex to go visit grandpa before going to school . That day arrived and I went down instead . Dad was in his chair and waiting for me . . . we were both early risers . He asked that I call the ambulance , after all . He decided he didn 't want to die in our home because it would leave bad memories . The ambulance came . Dad was in the ER and I had his " do not resuscitate " with me and showed the doctor but he put the paddles on dad to try to revive him and I know that my father heard me screaming , " Leave him alone . He is ready to go . . . NOW ! " They did leave him alone and I know my dad did not go quietly as he 'd wanted . . . had he stayed home , in his comfy chair , he would have passed from the overdose of meds that he had told us he would eventually give himself . Of course , dad wouldn 't have been surprised that I was there next to him , screaming . . . . he would have just thought that Teresa was being Teresa and trying to get folks to do what she said ! My dad didn 't go quietly but he had tried so hard to go his way . He had begged his doctor to help him leave this earth , which the doctor couldn 't and wouldn ' tPosted by By nature , I tend to be a person who wants her value to be measured by how much I am paid per hour for the work I do . This clearly doesn 't apply when one volunteers , something I have done since my early 20 's when I received food stamps to help me get through college and feed my children and me . I felt that if tax payers could help me , I should give back in some way . So , I have always , at the very least , given to the local food banks and also have served on their boards and raised money and worked their events . Giving back is part of who I am . And so , in my " retirement " I have upped the number of hours I give to my community and this past year , I have become very involved in the local Hope Hospice organization . Funny . I am finding that I am given so much more than I donate or give . I will share a few stories but the people 's names , due to HIPPA regulations and to be considerate , will not be shared . I was sitting with an elderly man , who was sleeping soundly and whose wife needed to go run some errands . The phone rang and I took a message and when I returned to the patient , he pointed to the sky and asked , " Was that Him that called ? " I pointed and said , " Him ? No , it was the pharmacy . " My patient smiled and quietly stated , " When He calls , you have to go . " I assured my patient that I knew this . And he told me , as he closed his eyes , that , " He would be calling soon . " My patient died the next day . And there was the situation when I was asked to pick up an adolescent patient at his middle school , take him to pick up his Spanish speaking grandma and take them both to the young man 's neurologist . We walked into the doctor 's office and he announced that we were late for our 3 : 00 appointment and he didn 't have time to speak with us . I assured him the appointment was for 3 : 45 and we were early . He disagreed and began questioning me and the grandma about the issues confronting the young man , as if he weren 't even in the room . The doctor immediately decided to increase the boy 's meds and announced what he would prescribe . GrandmaPosted by Not much going on here in sunny SW Florida other than warmth and sunshine at a time when most of the US is inundated with snow storms and high chilling winds . I am trying to be a considerate friend and family member by NOT rubbing in how wonderful it is down here . . . I mean , flip flops in February isn 't too wonderful , right ? I have been cleaning out my walk in clothes closet and getting a small feeling for what Richard will have to go through as he tackles garage # 1 . This is tedious , tiresome and I think also a tad embarrassing that I have so much that I don 't even remember seeing or using much of it in years . The good news . . . I have enough long sleeved shirts that I can handle a spring and fall in Michigan . The bad news . . . how many pair of capri pants does one woman need ? I count 6 brown capris and so far , 5 black and I still have half the closet to go through . Two of my " moms " have suggested in the last week that I turn my free time to writing . I like that idea , but I am unsure what type of writing I could tackle that anyone would want to read . Short stories or articles seem like a great idea , but topics elude me . Leaving in two weeks for Guatemala with Logan , Kenz and Addison . . . oh , and also Flat Stanley , who has been renamed , " Wilfredo " by the classroom in Madison , Alabama . He will have some wonderful experiences , I am sure . Was told by my daughter that the packing suggestions I have sent the kids are for " old folks . " I suggested a baseball cap and they wouldn 't wear one of those . Who cares . . . they need something so they don 't burn their blonde heads ! Ya just can 't win .
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One of the school activities that the kids took advantage of was a salsa and merengue lesson which was gratis . Logan whined the whole day before but after the class , he wanted to take more lessons . Addie was almost as tall as some of the indiginous men , as you can see here . What was really fun is that all of the men were so welcoming to her and she was the only child there . Men were lined up in one row on one side of the room , with women opposite and they changed partners every minute or so . Here , Logan is dancing with Juli , who just happened to be staying with Marta Julia so we were able to get to know her a bit more that evening . He danced with a number of " hotties " and he was the tallest man in the room . The guys liked Kenz and one creepy older man made some moves she felt uncomfortable with . . . all in the open , no touching but just a bit creepy . See Logan in the mirror reflection dancing with another " hottie . " Logan , Kenz and Addie in their line formation . Incredibly humorous was when the instructor was telling the woman to do " sexy " and showed them how to turn , using their hands , their hair and their bodies to tell a story . You have not lived until you have seen a 7 year old model , " sexy . " After the class and for days after , the kids were dancing , " sexy " at the house and Addie especially enjoyed teaching Vivi , the six year old at our house how to dance . Kenz and Logan joined in . Posted by A poor person 's grave . . . note the dirt mound but at least , on this one , there is a cross with a name . Sadly , there were mounds like this of dirt covering the dead , with no markers . Over time , with rain and wind , all is eroded . We met Bill and Paul , friends from the Riecken Foundation for a couple of days in Chichicastenango which is a huge market town . Here you can see the mix of foreigners and indigenous out shopping in the afternoon . It was a huge crush of bodies and tents full of interesting things to look at and buy . We did leave some money behind to help spur on the economy in Guate . This lady is carrying live bird off . . . either to sell or she had just bought them . Kids thought that rather , " gross . " Although I have seen people carrying huge bundles of materials in many countries in Latin America and in Africa , I have not seen the size of bundles being carried in relatioship to the minute size of these people . Here in Chichi the people are often carrying more than their body weight or size . Look at this bundle . We visited this cemetary and this is a photo from aways away so you can see the various colors of the mauseleos . They were ornately decorated and apparently , this is not a safe place to be after dark . Up close . . . these really are beautiful but sadly , the whole cemetary was filthy dirty with trash strewn about . Bill reminded me how long it took us in the US to enforce anti - littering laws . We visited a coffee finca to see how coffee is produced and packaged . Interestingly , the guide said that Vietnam is now the second highest producer of coffee , pushing Colombia into third place . Guatemala was around 16th place , as I remember . The red coffee beans are good to pick and in Guatemala , this is a manual production process . After picking the beans are sorted and washed and then laid out to dry as you see below . This is a final step where they roast the beans and then package many . Most are exported but Azotea does package beans and grind some for sale in their shop . Yup . . . bought some to bring home . The coffee smells we loved . Here , the men are drying beans and they rake them and turn them all day . We had some uncharacteristic rains for this time of year while there and the whole production process has to be completed before the end of March when the heavy rains start . Beans can be redried if wet , but if there isn 't enough time at the end of March to redry , the " crop " of beans not yet dried , and packaged will be lost . Interesting to watch them walk all over the beans . . . . coffee we would be drinking . This man sat outside of La Union , making bracelets most every afternoon . Kenz was " bracelet man 's " best customer . . . I think she bought about 10 of his bracelet 's which he could make , with a specific name woven onto the bracelet in about 10 minutes flat . When we went into the crowded indigenous marketplace , we ran into him and he grinned hugely to see us / her . Loved this angel which we saw at Las Recoleciones . . . an old church , school and infirmary originally built in the mid - 1700 's . There were so many precious moments during our week away and several were just started by the kids . . . for example : Addison was fond of saying , " My mother says you have to x , y , z . " That typically was initiated by Addie 's being asked to do something she didn 't want to do and I suggested rather strongly that her mother wasn 't in Guatemala and I was in charge . . . so she would do what I said and when I said it . Worked . And then , one day , I had a blow out case of diarrheah which isn 't easy to manage when there aren 't fast food restaurants to quickly stop by and use . Logan , being considerate , asked me later in the day , " How is your scrotum feeling ? " When I stopped laughing , I had to ask , " How did you know I had one ? " He , of course , meant my rectum but we didn 't let that stop us from kidding him the rest of the week . Our driver from the school , Hector , a very nice married young father , was the source of much ribbing on the part of Logan and Kenz . They decided because I talked to him quite a bit on our tours / trips , that he was " mi amor , mi cielo . " Nice guy and on the way to the airport , while talking , these two nitwitted teens laughed it up at my expense in the back seat . And then , Addie was a bit particular about her eating . First night at dinner , she had an upset stomach so couldn 't eat . 10 minutes later , she said her throat hurt , forgetting that the original issue was her stomach . She was pretty hungry the next morning . But she heard we were having French Toast the following day for breakfast and she said she didn 't like that so , I asked our host moMaite We went to the home of Marta Julia , a woman I have stayed with twice before . Interestingly , we ended up staying with her daughter , Karla . Here is a photo of our travel group . . . minus the good looking young lady next to Logan who is also a student here at La Union and who is staying with Marta Julia . Marta invited us to come over one evening for dinner and we laughed and told stories . . . like the one of Alex who on his first day of language class , listed off a list of vulgar terms that he had learned during the day . Marta Julia was appalled , collected herself and then , asked again , what more he had learned . He happily told her . And this story is how Karla knew that I was the mother of this young man . She made us horchata de arroz . . . an very interesting rice drink which she made that evening and we had quesadillas which Addison particularly enjoyed . More coming . Posted by While I waited in the airport , I sat next to this couple who were also going to Guatemala on a mission trip . I died laughing when their wine order arrived . . . they ordered a " flight " of red wines . . . three per . We all arrived in Guatemala City and our bags also made it . Had some issues . . . my flight getting into Dallas / Ft . Worth to join the three grandkids coming from Detroit was going to be late and I wouldn 't get in til the next day . Let 's see , three kids in Guate who don 't speak the language . The driver we had arranged was to be there . . . so all should go OK . Had a fit and it was decided that I should hop a plan , go to Miami and then get to Guate about 20 or so minutes before the kids landed , because their flight was also late . It worked and I went through immigration , got my bag and then , talked with security and said I wanted to exit and hang where the kids could see me the minute they came down . Very suspicious but when I told them that Addie is only seven , they rushed me to wait at the foot of the stairs . They watched me like a hawk but they were soooo wonderful . Imagine trying that in Miami ? More tomorrow . Love that word and that is what this shall be . . . little bits of nothing that I want to share with friends and family and that I don 't want to forget . This cutie is Layne , Kristin and Pat 's youngest and apparently destined to work in the newspaper industry one day . I worked ArtFest Fort Myers all last weekend and had a ball . I saw things and heard things that just made me guffaw and chortle . An elderly lady walked by our tent , and one of the volunteers , himself tatooed and pierced , commented on her legs . Apparently the intricate vines which wrapped her legs from ankle to ? were newly tatooed . He could tell they were freshly done and we discussed why an " old lady " would do that to herself ? I had NO answer but was rather impressed that she may have always wanted to do this and now , was liberated and able to not care what anyone thought . Loved it . And then , one of the ArtFest volunteers is named Heidi and we were discussing how she hated to be called Heidi - Ho and how that embarassed her . I suggested that nothing could compare with how badly I shocked my Heidi when she and her friend , both high schoolers , were walking ahead of me in the mall . I yelled at her , saying , " Ho ! " The whole mall stopped walking and turned to look at me . I genuinely did NOT know what HO meant . Heidi did and so did all the mall shoppers . . . imagine that I had called her , " Heidi Ho " for ages and she had never informed me that Ho was short for " whore ! " Anyway , I was sharing this at lunch , with many of the other volunteers and one guy literally spewed his food outta his mouth . He was laughing soooo hard . One of the best moments of ArtFest was seeing one of our Boys and Girls Club partner board members dressed in his logo polo shirt , raise his beer in front of our workers and those around our tent . I wanted to ask him if he understood image and marketing but I didn 't . The good Teresa was working that evening ! David , a Hospice staffer shared great book with me . This book , written by Ulla Carin Lindquist tracks her life as she tried to celebrate every momenPosted by I wrote a bit about my Hospice experiences yesterday and in the night , realized what I am enjoying is being an advocate for those who can 't speak for themselves or who have no family close by . As I walked this morning in the dreary rain , I was reflecting on my dad 's last few months with us and was hoping that we helped him on his way in a way that he wanted . The whole of Hospice , for me , is living and dying with dignity and in peace . I am trying to learn how to handle that so I can be graceful , ( and yes , I realize that Teresa and graceful in the same sentence is truly an oxymoron ) when confronting the necessity of leaving family and friends . Dad told us for several months that he would take his own life when the time was right for him . And that would be when the pain was too great and when he was ready to meet Him . We talked . We cried . We argued . But , he had warned us that the day his light was not on when we woke up , we should not allow Alex to go visit grandpa before going to school . That day arrived and I went down instead . Dad was in his chair and waiting for me . . . we were both early risers . He asked that I call the ambulance , after all . He decided he didn 't want to die in our home because it would leave bad memories . The ambulance came . Dad was in the ER and I had his " do not resuscitate " with me and showed the doctor but he put the paddles on dad to try to revive him and I know that my father heard me screaming , " Leave him alone . He is ready to go . . . NOW ! " They did leave him alone and I know my dad did not go quietly as he 'd wanted . . . had he stayed home , in his comfy chair , he would have passed from the overdose of meds that he had told us he would eventually give himself . Of course , dad wouldn 't have been surprised that I was there next to him , screaming . . . . he would have just thought that Teresa was being Teresa and trying to get folks to do what she said ! My dad didn 't go quietly but he had tried so hard to go his way . He had begged his doctor to help him leave this earth , which the doctor couldn 't and wouldn ' tPosted by By nature , I tend to be a person who wants her value to be measured by how much I am paid per hour for the work I do . This clearly doesn 't apply when one volunteers , something I have done since my early 20 's when I received food stamps to help me get through college and feed my children and me . I felt that if tax payers could help me , I should give back in some way . So , I have always , at the very least , given to the local food banks and also have served on their boards and raised money and worked their events . Giving back is part of who I am . And so , in my " retirement " I have upped the number of hours I give to my community and this past year , I have become very involved in the local Hope Hospice organization . Funny . I am finding that I am given so much more than I donate or give . I will share a few stories but the people 's names , due to HIPPA regulations and to be considerate , will not be shared . I was sitting with an elderly man , who was sleeping soundly and whose wife needed to go run some errands . The phone rang and I took a message and when I returned to the patient , he pointed to the sky and asked , " Was that Him that called ? " I pointed and said , " Him ? No , it was the pharmacy . " My patient smiled and quietly stated , " When He calls , you have to go . " I assured my patient that I knew this . And he told me , as he closed his eyes , that , " He would be calling soon . " My patient died the next day . And there was the situation when I was asked to pick up an adolescent patient at his middle school , take him to pick up his Spanish speaking grandma and take them both to the young man 's neurologist . We walked into the doctor 's office and he announced that we were late for our 3 : 00 appointment and he didn 't have time to speak with us . I assured him the appointment was for 3 : 45 and we were early . He disagreed and began questioning me and the grandma about the issues confronting the young man , as if he weren 't even in the room . The doctor immediately decided to increase the boy 's meds and announced what he would prescribe . GrandmaPosted by Not much going on here in sunny SW Florida other than warmth and sunshine at a time when most of the US is inundated with snow storms and high chilling winds . I am trying to be a considerate friend and family member by NOT rubbing in how wonderful it is down here . . . I mean , flip flops in February isn 't too wonderful , right ? I have been cleaning out my walk in clothes closet and getting a small feeling for what Richard will have to go through as he tackles garage # 1 . This is tedious , tiresome and I think also a tad embarrassing that I have so much that I don 't even remember seeing or using much of it in years . The good news . . . I have enough long sleeved shirts that I can handle a spring and fall in Michigan . The bad news . . . how many pair of capri pants does one woman need ? I count 6 brown capris and so far , 5 black and I still have half the closet to go through . Two of my " moms " have suggested in the last week that I turn my free time to writing . I like that idea , but I am unsure what type of writing I could tackle that anyone would want to read . Short stories or articles seem like a great idea , but topics elude me . Leaving in two weeks for Guatemala with Logan , Kenz and Addison . . . oh , and also Flat Stanley , who has been renamed , " Wilfredo " by the classroom in Madison , Alabama . He will have some wonderful experiences , I am sure . Was told by my daughter that the packing suggestions I have sent the kids are for " old folks . " I suggested a baseball cap and they wouldn 't wear one of those . Who cares . . . they need something so they don 't burn their blonde heads ! Ya just can 't win .
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And as everyone here knows , that means it 's time for a romance . So what could be better than the latest novel by Lois McMaster Bujold , featuring one of my favorite heroines ever , Cordelia Naismith Vorkosigan ? ( For those new to her , Cordelia was featured in SHARDS OF HONOR and BARRAYAR - later collected as CORDELIA ' S HONOR - and had much to say in several other novels in Bujold 's long - running Vorkosigan series , including MIRROR DANCE , MEMORY , and A CIVIL CAMPAIGN . ) This was not a place she ever expected to be . She 's in her mid - to - late seventies , which for a Galactic is closer to mid - forties in health , so she has plenty of life left to her . Yet her husband , to whom she was devoted , has died … and there are additional complications for her in finding a romantic partner , as both she and her husband are / were powerful personalities with difficult and time - consuming jobs . Fortunately , there is one man who understands that . His name is Oliver Jole . He 's an Admiral in the Barrayaran Naval Fleet stationed in Sergyar orbit , and he 's well acquainted with both Cordelia and her husband , Aral . ( For long - term readers of the Vorkosigan Saga , Jole was a Lieutenant we barely saw in THE VOR GAME ; Cordelia and Aral 's son , Miles , comments that Lieutenant Jole is blond and almost too good - looking to be borne - my best paraphrase , as I don 't have the book in front of me . ) Oliver is nearly fifty , he has a similar background to both Cordelia and Cordelia 's late husband , is intelligent and funny , and hasn 't dated anyone in many years . And he 's fallen for Cordelia … but he doesn 't know how to get past her formidable reserve . Complicating things markedly is the whole issue of biology . You see , Cordelia and Aral were only able to have one son , Miles , during Aral 's lifetime . ( Their other son , Mark , was cloned from Miles illegally by an intergalactic criminal ; once the family realized Mark was alive , they welcomed him with open arms , but Mark was not raised with Miles or by Cordelia . ) However , Aral 's sperm and Cordelia 's eggs were frozen , and now Cordelia has to decide if she wants to bring more children - daughters , she 's decided - into this world . How does Oliver come into this issue ? Well , Oliver also had a close relationship with Aral , that Cordelia condoned . ( You can see why Cordelia never expected to find something with Oliver now , yes ? ) This is why Cordelia offers Oliver some genetic material from both herself and Aral , so Oliver might be able to have children as well . ( Sons , he thinks . ) This is a phenomenal novel that has it all . Growth . Loss . Grief . New love , all unlooked for . Romance - dear Gods , yes , romance . A Skeleton at her Door opens with Angie literally opening the door to Tom in a skin - tight skeleton costume . Normally , Angie wouldn 't do this , but it 's Halloween , and she 's expecting her friend Matt , who lives two doors down , to come over in costume . So since the man 's build is close to Matt 's , and the height is close also - and because Angie cannot tell under the black and white makeup who is wearing that skin - tight costume - Angie mistakes Tom for Matt . See , Tom is a good guy . He has two teenaged children , he works hard and has a nice house , and he normally doesn 't try this hard . But there 's something in Angie that calls to him , so he 's willing to perhaps make a fool out of himself to get to know her . But there 's more to this story than meets the eye . Angie , you see , is dealing with some serious relationship trauma - much more serious than we were initially led to believe - and has a hard time saying " no " to men . And Tom nearly oversteps his bounds four or five times , all to get Angie to react rather than simply withdraw into submission . Note that the submission I 'm discussing here has nothing to do with BDSM . ( If it did , I 'd not be reviewing it , methinks . ) Instead , it 's all about this wounded woman , Angie , and how she has a hard time actually having conversations that include the words " no " or " not right now " with men . Even men she deeply cares about . . . The biggest plus here is Ms . Ayers ' strong sense of craftsmanship . The set up of A Skeleton at her Door is masterful . We know right away there 's something lurking in Angie 's background that 's made her distrustful of men , but we also know that the skeleton ( Tom ) is going to be different … and not just because Angie cheerfully leered at him when she thought he was her neighbor , Matt ( safely in a relationship with someone else ) . However , the biggest minus is a lack of internal monologue , especially on the part of Angie . I would 've liked a great deal more depth in two places in this novella , one right before Angie decides to sleep with Tom , and the other right before Angie decides to marry him . The second is a much bigger problem than the first , because I didn 't once get the sense that Angie had any trepidation about Tom at all once she 'd slept with him ( and confronted him , gently , over his four - five attempts at getting her to say " no " to him , sometimes about the most innocuous of things ) . Mitigating this lack of internal monologue to a degree , though , was some very nice character development between Tom and Angie . Tom , you see , is into Angie in every way , even to the point where things she sees as flaws are seen as badges of honor by him . And because Tom sees Angie in this way , she can drop some of her body consciousness and just get down and dirty with him … especially as he 's made it clear that they will not have sex in front of any of their children before they are married . ( Instead , they find somewhere else to have sex while making sure the kids are taken care of , a sensible and smart precaution . ) Posted by Barb Caffrey in Book Review on October 11 , 2014 It 's Romance Saturday at Shiny Book Review , so you all know what that means … it 's time for a new review , this time of Sherry Thomas 's erotic novella The Bride of Larkspear . This is written for adult readers , and is a bit sexier than I usually read , but I was willing to take a chance due to liking all of Thomas 's other work . It 's also a companion piece to Thomas 's TEMPTING THE BRIDE ( reviewed here ) , and as such , many of the same plot elements exist in both stories . Because it is a companion piece , The Bride of Larkspear has to be discussed in the context of TEMPTING THE BRIDE . The hero of TEMPTING , David Hillsborough , Viscount Hastings , has loved publisher Helena Fitzhugh for a long time . But it 's an unrequited love , mostly because David 's one of those guys who just doesn 't seem to know how to approach a woman , much less the woman he 's loved his entire life . So instead of being kind to her , asking about her interests , her inner feelings , or even trying to go out with her , he insults her . Repeatedly . Mind , Helena is not a shrinking violet living a blameless life . Instead , she 's been seeing a married man and insists that no one else will do . Even if David were different and knew how to properly approach her , it 's likely he still wouldn 't be heard . That 's fueled his bitterness . You have to know all that before the plot of The Bride of Larkspear makes any sense , as this is a book David wrote ( sub rosa ) to express his feelings for Helena on the night of their future wedding . Because of all his pent - up rage and frustration ( in all senses ) , David 's titular hero Lord Larkspear starts the novella by tying up his new bride and insisting on her submission . He doesn 't say he loves her ; he just says he desires her , and that he 'll make her submit … or else . So why did I go on ? Two reasons . One , I have liked everything Sherry Thomas has written . And two , I knew that David ( AKA Lord Larkspear ) truly loved Helena in this fantasy of his . Or I 'd have stopped reading right away . Larkspear , you see , is a closet romantic . He 's a well - intentioned guy with a good heart , and he desperately desires a woman who has no interest in him . Yet if she could see him for who he was , he 's sure they could build a life together . ( Of course , this being an erotic novella , he 's also sure that he can satisfy her like no one else . That 's part of the price of admission . ) That said , this is written from a man 's perspective . He 's a generous lover , yes , and he wants to please his partner . But at the beginning , he 's talking about what he wants - not what he wants to do with or for her . And he 's doing that to provoke some sort of reaction from her , even if it 's just revulsion . * * Note : I 'm dancing around exactly what he says and does mostly because I know we have pre - teen readers . I know when I was that age , I could handle the idea of sex , I understood there were many ways to please someone else ( as I 'd taken sex education ) , but it was ultimately embarrassing and somewhat distasteful to think about at the time . ( Now , not so much . ) Posted by Barb Caffrey in Interview on November 14 , 2013 One of the good things we at SBR are able to do from time to time is to interview writers , editors and / or publishers ( well , so far we haven 't had one , but the year is young ) . Today 's chosen victim - er , writer and editor , is the acclaimed Stephanie Osborn , author and rocket scientist , who consented to doing one of the most wide - ranging interviews we 've ever had . Three of her novels in her " Displaced Detectives " series have been reviewed at SBR ( here and here ) , while her nonfiction work with scientist and author Travis S . Taylor , A New American Space Plan , is reviewed here . Stephanie Osborn : You know , I didn 't want to be a writer in my youth ; I wanted to be a scientist and work in the space program . I 'm not sure when I first decided to become an author . I had some notions about a possible novel franchise after the very first Men In Black movie , which I adored , and my husband Darrell encouraged me to pursue it . That 's when I discovered there were many books in me . But of course , the rights were all tied up , and the only publisher with the rights didn 't take unagented submissions , and being yet - unpublished , I couldn 't get an agent at that point . However , somewhere in there is when I realized I could do this , and that I liked it and wanted to do it . Stephanie Osborn : Wow . You know , I really don 't know . I had gotten back into a spate of reading everything Sherlock Holmes I could get my hands on ― I 've done that periodically since childhood , when I discovered Holmes ― but there wasn 't a book out there that was quite what I was looking for . So I decided to write it . I deliberately set out to do something different , to expand the range of what the Great Detective could do , and I think I succeeded rather nicely . Stephanie Osborn : I really don 't know about Sir Arthur . That might sound kind of snarky or arrogant and I don 't mean it like that at all : I just don 't like to analyze an author 's work to the level that it would take to answer that question , because literary analysis always took the magic out of the book , to me . For whatever it 's worth , I think it has to do with his ability to generate these fascinating and unusual characters . Stephanie Osborn : Well , that 's pretty simple . I wanted to give Holmes a female to interact with , someone to actually work cases with . After all , this is the 21st Century , and , well , equality , you know . But I recognized right off the bat that she would really have to BE his equal or he wouldn 't bother with her . Then I realized that if she was the scientist responsible for developing the project that brought him over from his home universe , she 'd have to be bloody brilliant from the get - go , and he couldn 't possibly gainsay the fact . And the character formed from those beginnings . Stephanie Osborn : Book five is titled , A Case of Spontaneous Combustion . It starts out with a tiny village in England being wiped out - every living thing in it killed - by a phenomenon that appears to be a case of mass spontaneous combustion , but turns out to be something very different . Holmes is called in to investigate - without Skye - and hijinks ensue . I got the contract for it a couple weeks back . It should come out sometime in the Spring of 2014 . Book six is something that has been banging around in my head for awhile now , and this past weekend it congealed . I wanted to do a supernatural - based Displaced Detective story , something about a haunted something - or - other that Skye and Sherlock end up investigating , but I 'd been going to set it in a European castle , either in the UK or on the continent . Well , I 'd just been to CONtraflow science fiction convention in New Orleans , Louisiana ! Wonderful , young convention , growing fast , lots of fun . Just as much fun , though , was going to the French Quarter and exploring . NOLA has the reputation of being the most - haunted city in the world , and it turned out to be perfect for that book concept . Scenes started coming to me as soon as we started walking around ! I started writing it the next day , during the convention ! It wouldn 't wait ! It 's going to be called Fear in the French Quarter . What was to have been Book six , now Book seven , is in work also . I call it A Little Matter of Earthquakes . Suffice to say that seismic activity is heating up in the Pacific Northwest , in a fashion that is not normal . When one of Skye 's friends is killed in a phreatic eruption of a Cascade volcano , she and Holmes go to the funeral and discover the abnormality . Skye 's curiosity gets the better of her , and soon they find that there 's about to be a very VERY large , not so natural disaster unless they can stop what 's happening . I have to finish six & seven before I can get any idea of a time frame for when they might appear in print . But it shouldn 't be long for either , I don 't think . Book eight is actually finished , but it requires five & seven ( and maybe six ) to help it make sense . ( Yes , I wrote ' em out of sequence . ) It 's called The Adventure of Shining Mountain Lodge . Rangers in Rocky Mountain National Park find an illegal immigrant in the middle of nowhere , in January , and he 's dying … of radiation exposure . His clothing is filthy with radioactive dirt . The FBI and the CIA are contacted , and the CIA believes it may have to do with rumors of a possible dirty nuke . Sherlock and Skye are called into the investigation , and they have to find out what 's going on and stop it before the rumors become reality . I 've been accused of giving my books jawbreaker , long titles . But that 's only for the Displaced Detective series ; there , I 'm trying to evoke the names of the adventures that Sir Arthur recorded : The Sign of Four ; The Valley of Fear ; A Study in Scarlet ; The Hound of the Baskervilles ; The Final Problem ; The Adventure of the Empty House , etc . Other books , not so much . The Fetish , Burnout , The Y Factor , stuff like that . Granted , Burnout has a subtitle that renders it kind of lengthy , but the publisher felt it was needed . Stephanie Osborn : Burnout : The mystery of Space Shuttle STS - 281 was my first novel . It 's a science fiction mystery about a space shuttle disaster that turned out NOT to have been an accident , and the ensuing investigation and cover - up . Its tag line is , " How do you react when you discover that the next Shuttle disaster has happened … right on schedule ? " It started off years ago when I was a payload flight controller for Shuttle Spacelab missions . A bunch of us were discussing what to do in the event of a " catastrophic malfunction , " and how we might be able to get the bird and its crew down intact . I went off still thinking , and eventually realized that , if said " malfunction " was in fact no accident , it might make for a good book . It made Amazon 's Top 25 Overall list , and Fictionwise 's top 25 science fiction , when it was released , so I guess other people thought so too . The scary , distressing part for me was that in the process of writing the novel , and doing all the research to get it right , I pretty much predicted what ended up happening to shuttle Columbia on her final flight ― and she had a friend of mine aboard . Oh , I 'm not saying that Columbia was anything other than pure , awful luck of the draw . But the overall scenario of re - entry , loss of thermal integrity , loss of aerodynamic stability , breakup … I got the orbital inclination , incoming trajectory , even the overflown states and debris field , all correct according to what really happened to Columbia . I … was not best pleased . My writing mentor had to talk me out of trashing the manuscript . I ended up dedicating the book to the Columbia crew . But the two main characters of that book are special to me . It 's kind of funny , really ; I 've been " accused " on numerous occasions of making Skye Chadwick , from the Displaced Detective series , my own personal " Mary Sue " ― meaning she 's supposedly a fictional version of me . Truthfully ? She 's no more me than Holmes is ; every character I write has some facet of me in it , or I couldn 't relate to the character well enough to write it . I 've written a couple of books with strong female leads in them , and somebody always wants to make ' em out to be my Mary Sue ( s ) , especially if they have any sort of a science background . But Crash Murphy and Mike Anders , the protagonists in Burnout ? Well , they 're different . If you combined them into one person and flipped the gender , it really WOULD be me . Astronomer and Shuttle flight controller , rolled into one . I 'm fond of those characters . But nobody ever accuses me of making THEM Mary Sues . I guess it 's because they 're male . Stephanie Osborn : The Cresperian Saga is a series of books by several authors , about Earth 's first contact with extraterrestrials when their starship wrecks in our solar system . A few of the lifepods make it to Earth , but most of the crew ( and it was a small city ) dies in the disaster . Said alien lifepods land scattered around our planet , and the beings within use their shapeshifting abilities to try to blend into the general population . The first book , Human By Choice , was co - authored by Travis S . Taylor ( my writing mentor ) and Darrell Bain . When it came time for book two , Travis and his wife were expecting their second child and he was snowed , so he bowed out . Lida Quillen , publisher of Twilight Times Books , tapped me to step in , so The Y Factor was written by Darrell Bain and myself , with Bain taking the lead . But Bain is up in years , and his memory isn 't what it once was ; this series has a huge cast of characters over the entire story arc , and he didn 't like having to keep up with them all . I thought he was doing fine , but I suspect what it amounted to was that he just didn 't like keeping up with ' em . I can understand that . So for book three , The Cresperian Alliance , I took the lead . I 'm currently working on book four , Heritage . Hoping to get it out in the next six months or so . But it 's harder than my usual writing , because the concept wasn 't mine to begin with . Stephanie Osborn : It was difficult at times , and fun at others . First and foremost was getting familiar with that world , that universe , and coming up to speed with the fictional tech . I respect Mr . Bain greatly ; he 's a popular e - book writer , and I learned from him . But we have different philosophies , and sometimes we disagreed about what should be in the manuscript . Still and all , we 're both professionals , and we discussed and went back and forth , and what resulted was , if I do say so , a pretty darn good couple books . SBR : You 've also written some shorter works . One of them , Starsong , is meant for children . What sort of things did you do differently while writing this story , if anything ? Stephanie Osborn : My only change from the usual is in keeping in mind that it is a children 's book , and as such I have to be careful about : 1 ) the language used ( both the basic , " not having characters cursing , " and vocabulary , choosing words that wouldn 't be over the heads of the readers ) and 2 ) making the themes appropriate . I wrote it because my parents wanted me to write a book that my nephew ( then in elementary school ) could read . By the time it made it to print , he was in late junior high school and too old for it . Oh well . Stephanie Osborn : In Burnout , Dr . Mike Anders rather impulsively buys a lapis fetish necklace at a trading post on an Indian reservation during their efforts to get to Las Vegas undetected . The Fetish is the story of how that necklace came to be . It was an EPIC Award Finalist in the short category . Stephanie Osborn : I spend a lot of time staring into space and daydreaming . Seriously . People watching me would think I was goofing off . But there are certain things I have to have in hand before I can start writing , or anything I set down is rambling gibberish . I have to know my protagonist ( s ) AND I have to have the antagonist ( s ) . The antagonist does not have to be human , or even a sentient being . Sometimes a force of nature is the best bad guy around . But I have to know who or what it is . And I have to have the names of the principal characters . Once I get these things , once they come to me , then I will daydream a scene , whatever grabs me most about the conflict . It 's almost always a climax of some sort , possibly even the main climax of the book . And once I have that , then I can start writing . And it takes however long it takes . I can push it to some extent but I have to have those things , or it 's pointless to write . Better to go off and work on something I 've already started . John Ringo is a friend of mine , and he calls this process " ideating , " or , " to ideate , " pronounced , " eye - dee - ate . " Sometimes brainstorming , either with my husband or another writer , can help this process along , and John and I have ideated together once or twice . Now , if I AM writing on an existing manuscript , I will start the day 's work by going back to where I started writing the day before , or maybe a bit earlier . I will read through it , making sure it flows with what came before , and editing it for clarity , continuity , smoothness of wording , grammar , and the like . When I 've read all the way through what I wrote the day before , I 've effectively gotten into the flow , and I start in with writing the new material . Stephanie Osborn : Mostly science fiction of various types . Several were YA books . I 've edited a number of books for my main publisher , Twilight Times Books , and a few more as a free - lance editor . I don 't think my publisher would want me to reveal which books I edited , but one of the free - lance jobs was just plain fun . Half the time I wasn 't sure if I was editing or just reading ! The Flux Engine by Dan Willis is YA alt - history steampunk ; it was a great book and I loved working on it . I 'm looking forward to the sequel . Stephanie Osborn : I have always been a voracious , omnivorous reader . I cannot imagine my life without it . Reading is , and will be for the future of our culture , the primary means of communication of ideas and concepts and data between people . Without the ability to read and write , our civilization as we know it would collapse . Unfortunately not only is illiteracy on the rise in our country , disinterest in reading is rampant among our young people . I can 't begin to tell you the number of times I have seen teens and twenties at science fiction and fantasy conventions walk by book dealers with noses upturned . I have had teens walk up to my table , scan my books with utter indifference ― or even contempt ― then pick up a business card and ask me to autograph it . If it isn 't a film or a game , they 're just not interested . After I left the space program , I used to do some tutoring , to get me out of the house mostly , and was shocked at seeing the same attitude toward great literature . Unfortunately , it 's an attitude I have encountered again and again . How are we to continue our society , our culture , if the next generation doesn 't READ ? ! How do we communicate the most important concepts of our world ? How do we teach them what works and what doesn 't ? It isn 't possible to cram it all into a movie , into a game . The concepts of freedom , the lessons of life , good versus evil … this is the stuff of drama , of the great and less great literature . But they won 't read it , and in some cases , can 't . There 's an old saying : Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it . Trite , but true nonetheless . And it applies here doubly ― historically , societies whose literacy broke down tended to collapse shortly thereafter ; and how can the kids learn history if they can 't or won 't read about it ? SBR : You 're also a well - known advocate regarding treatment for panic attacks and / or anxiety disorder . This is a disease that 's become more prominent lately , partly due to the efforts of NFL Hall of Famer Earl Campbell . What is it , why is it important to you , and what do you think should be done about it ? Stephanie Osborn : Panic attacks are horrible . They can feel like you 're having a heart attack or like you 're going to faint , and sometimes you wish you would . Faint , that is . Because then you 'd be unconscious and not suffering through it . You 're scared , your heart pounds , you can 't breathe fast enough , your whole body either flushes or the blood drains away into the vital organs and you get light - headed . It can be pure , abject terror . And it can happen for no reason that you can see . As it turns out , I have anxiety disorder . It trends in my family , and I have had it off and on since I was a child . It comes and goes , and I can go for long periods of time , even years , decades , with no problems . Then something may happen to stress me ― an event , or an illness , or the like ― and it will come back and hammer me . I 've had counseling for it and have learned various relaxation techniques , which help . But if a full - on panic attack jumps me unexpectedly , those techniques don 't work too well because they require me to concentrate on the technique , and if you 're panicked , you aren 't going to think too well . So I try very hard to catch it on the upswing by recognizing the symptoms and working to relax . I also have irritable bowel syndrome ( IBS ) , where the nerve network in the gut is exceptionally sensitive , and it 's tied into the anxiety disorder : an IBS attack can trigger an anxiety attack , and vice versa . In general , nobody but my family knows I have it , at least to see it happening . I don 't necessarily announce it to the world . But I don 't make a secret of it , either . Interestingly , it is never DURING an acute , stressful situation that the panic or anxiety hits . If I 'm in the middle of an emergency , I will work through the emergency and do whatever is required to get through the situation safely . After it 's over , I may go into a corner and hyperventilate for a few minutes ! During that post - emergency time , I 'm apt to shake like the proverbial aspen leaf , and all I want is to be quiet and try to relax . I may or may not have a full - blown panic attack . Having a trusted friend or family member nearby is usually soothing , if I do . And I may have recurrences of that , off and on for a few weeks , if something happens to remind me of the emergency . I want to emphasize : it isn 't dangerous , for the person experiencing the panic or anyone around him . We won 't go ballistic or postal ; we aren 't scary crazy people . In general we aren 't confrontational , because confrontation produces stress , and stress will bring on the anxiety . We 're far more apt to want to retreat to the bedroom and just be very quiet . And we aren 't having a heart attack or the like , though it can seem like it sometimes . In so far as I can tell , the very fact that you have anxiety attacks seems to be an indication of a strong circulatory system . I suppose it stands to reason . If it weren 't for the fear it creates , fear that can last for days , weeks , or even months , it probably wouldn 't even be worth a note in the medical books . But if you know someone who has anxiety disorder , the best thing you can do , if you see him or her in a panic attack , is to take the person aside into a quiet , low - stimulus environment , and help ' em settle down . Just a couple words to let ' em know you 're there , you get what 's happening , and you 're there to help . Maybe holding a hand gently , or laying a hand on a shoulder . Don 't babble . In fact , other than the initial , " It 's OK . I 'm here , and I get what 's going on , " you don 't really have to talk ( unless the victim wants you to talk to help get his / her mind off the panic , in which case , keep the conversation light and away from the focus of the problem ) . The person experiencing the anxiety needs as little stimulus as possible , and needs to be able to focus on relaxation techniques . ( Slow , steady breathing , in various cadences , is the best that I 've found . If the person is having trouble , offer to count softly : " In … two … three … four … Out … two … three … four . " ) When the patient begins to talk again , s / he is starting to relax . You can chat then , but keep your voice down and in a soothing pitch until the person is obviously relaxed again . Stephanie Osborn : I have been an EPIC Finalist twice , once for The Y Factor with Darrell Bain , and once for The Fetish . I have also been a finalist for a few other awards , not so prestigious . My experiences with awards have not been good in general - you generally have to pay a fee ( the smallest I 've encountered is $ 50 ) for every category you enter , and the final results tend , in my estimation , to be … unusual at best , questionable at worst . Like the time L . Ron Hubbard won a category for a book he wrote … over a decade after his demise . I 'm proud of the EPIC finalists , and I consider that award an excellent one ; I stay away from most others , these days . Stephanie Osborn : I couldn 't tell you how The Case of the Displaced Detective Omnibus came to be ! That was a complete surprise from my publisher ! I was on travel and when I got home she emailed me to surprise me with it . I 'm very , VERY pleased , because this is the first omnibus that Twilight Times Books has ever produced , and I 'm thrilled that it 's mine . As for The Displaced Detective Suite * * , it is a duly licensed " derivative " work , available in CD and mp3 download , from Amazon ( CD ) , CreateSpace ( CD ) , and Bandcamp ( download ) . Bandcamp also has a lovely bonus track that comes with the album , but didn 't fit on the CD . The album itself is a blend of instrumental and electronica , and could readily be a film score . Each piece causes me to think of the scene ( s ) that inspired it , and they play out in my mind 's eye as the music plays . How did it come to be ? Well , I 've known Dan Hollifield for some years ; he 's a very talented man . He 's also a fan , particularly of my Displaced Detective series , and one day he presented a song to me on Facebook . It was a solo violin with background instrumentals , what later became the track called , " Meditations of a Displaced Detective , " and I immediately fell in love with it . It evoked a mental image for me of Holmes , yanked from his original life and plopped into the modern world , knowing no one , wondering how he was going to fit in , to make a life for himself . I could " hear " it as either what he would have played during that time if he 'd had access to a violin , or what a movie director would use as the theme for that part of the story . I raved over it to Dan , and one thing led to another , and suddenly he was working on more music . Next thing I knew , we had a licensing agreement in place , and he was nearing completion on an album . I 'm absolutely blown away by the music . Since my husband is a graphics artist and does most of my cover art ( as well as many other TTB books , and several other publishers too ) , Dan and I approached him for the album artwork . He agreed , and that was the last thing we needed . The day I got my own copy of the CD , I danced around the house before I even opened it ! Posted by Barb Caffrey in Book Review on September 1 , 2013 William Hazelgrove 's THE PITCHER is the story of young Ricky Hernandez , whose main goal is to make his high school baseball team . Ricky has an arm , you see , and a fastball that 's much better than his peers . But as he 's extremely poor , Ricky probably already would 've dropped out of baseball competition except for one thing : his mother , Maria . You see , Maria is a force of nature . She 's the mother we all wish we would 've had , growing up . She 's an assistant coach on Ricky 's summer baseball team , not because she cares about the game , but because it 's the only way she can assure that Ricky will get any playing time . Maria 's main drawback as a person is that as she 's so focused on her son , she 's not very good at treating her own health ( she has lupus ) . When THE PITCHER opens , it 's about three months until high school baseball tryouts . Ricky avidly wants to make the team . He knows he has the talent . But he hasn 't had the advantages of most of the other players ( especially an obnoxious kid named Eric ) ; his only real coach is his mother , who has learned all she knows about baseball from books . She mostly tells Ricky things like " Take a deep breath " - a good , albeit generic , thing to say - which cannot get to the bottom of why Ricky 's aim is poor and his concentration isn 't where it should be , either . Enter " the Pitcher : " His name is Jack Langford , he pitched in the majors for 25 years , and in Hazelgrove 's conception , was the hero of the 1978 World Series as a member of the victorious Detroit Tigers . ( As a baseball fan , I have to admit that I wish the Tigers would 've won over the real 1978 American League and World Series champs , the New York Yankees . They were fifth in the AL Eastern Division ; my favorite team , the Milwaukee Brewers , was third . But I digress . ) Langford was a successful pitcher , but since he finished his career life has taken a major turn for the worse . Langford 's wife died , and after that , Langford felt life wasn 't worth living and turned to drink to help himself cope . So , will Ricky make the team ? Will Maria 's health ever improve ? Will Langford stop drinking ? Or will Eric 's mother win the day despite the nastiness of her tactics ? All of these questions will be answered by the time you finish reading THE PITCHER . Bottom line ? THE PITCHER is a book that 's more than the sum of its parts . It 's an excellent baseball story that gets all the issues right , it 's fun to read , and it 's a book that all ages should enjoy . The first romance to be reviewed tonight is Sherry Thomas ' TEMPTING THE BRIDE . This is the third book in her Fitzhugh trilogy that 's set in England during the Victorian era ; the previous books , BEGUILING THE BEAUTY and RAVISHING THE HEIRESS , were reviewed here . ( I also reviewed four previous Thomas romances here . ) BRIDE features Helena Fitzhugh , a London publisher in love with a married man , and David Hillsborough , Viscount Hastings , who 's loved Helena for a long time but hasn 't been able to show it appropriately ( partly due to Helena 's love for the married guy ) . But , of course , Helena does not know this . She just thinks David is an obnoxious ass . ( Which , of course , he is . Among other things . ) And , as previously stated , Helena is in a doomed romance with the very married Andrew Martin , one of her writers at the publishing house . Which means David can 't do much of anything other than snipe at her and wonder what could 've been . . . until one day , when Helena is nearly discovered en flagrante delicto with Andrew . Quickly , David steps in and hides Andrew , then says smoothly that he and Helena have eloped and she 's the new Lady Hastings . ( Helena , being no fool , doesn 't contradict him even though she has no idea why David would do such a thing . ) Next up is Marie Lu 's LEGEND , a dystopian romance set in what could be the very near future . The United States has broken up into disparate parts , one of them being the Republic of California ( called simply " the Republic , " possibly to save steps ) . The Republic is a cold , cruel place that 's based off one thing : military achievement . Everyone takes a test at age ten to find out what he or she is going to be , and the top - rated thing you can possibly do is to go into the military or work in military research - nothing else need apply . Both are in their mid - teens . Both are extremely bright . And both have many military skills that manifested at a surprisingly early age - Day 's out of necessity , June 's because she 's been pushed to become the best . But there are secrets within secrets , wheels within wheels . Things are not as they seem , which is why Day and June must meet , take each other 's measure , and possibly form an alliance in order to succeed . Yet everything June 's learned has told her that Day is automatically the enemy , while Day , in turn , has learned that no one from the Republic - not even someone as young as June - can be trusted . Overall , LEGEND is an enjoyable and quick read . It has a surprising amount of emotional depth - rare for the dystopian teen romance genre - and makes some good points about romances overall in that the best and most realistic romances occur when both people can understand one another or have similar skills and gifts . June likes how Day looks , sure , but unlike other teen dystopian romances such as Lauren Oliver 's DELIRIUM ( reviewed here ) , June is far more concerned about what 's going on in Day 's mind than she is about his looks . Don 't get me wrong . I felt LEGEND 's plot , overall , was plausible . The milieu was appropriately dystopian and Ms . Lu didn 't shy away from showing the worst aspects of this . First up is Jeffries ' effort , set during Regency England and featuring Pierce Waverly , the Earl of Devonmont , and Mrs . Camilla Stuart , a respectable widow with a young son . Pierce has engaged Camilla to become a companion to Pierce 's own mother , whom he cares for but refuses to speak with for reasons that both he and his mother refuse to discuss . However , Camilla is having none of that as it 's Christmas . ( She feels every mother deserves to have her son home for Christmas no matter how badly things have gone wrong in the past . ) Which is why she sends a brief note to Pierce saying that his mother is unwell and that if Pierce wishes to see her " before it 's too late , " he 'd best come soon or not come at all . Of course this is extremely upsetting to Pierce , who immediately goes to see his mother . However , once he gets to his mother 's small house , Pierce gets extremely upset and feels both violated and manipulated . But as he 's immediately attracted to Camilla despite what Camilla perceives as her lack of beauty , he decides to stick around for a few days to figure out what 's really going on with his mother . Moving on , Alexander 's farcical WHAT HAPPENS AT CHRISTMAS is one of the more amusing Christmas - themed romances I 've ever read . This Victorian - era English romance stars Camille , Lady Lydingham , and Grayson Elliot , the man who got away years ago . Camille was in love with Gray when she was eighteen and he was around the same age , but she was about to marry another . Gray declared himself , Camille was flummoxed , and both declared themselves brokenhearted forever when their abortive romance did not end in a " happily ever after . " Now a widow ( as Camille did marry the man she 'd been engaged to ) , Camille is about to marry Prince Nikolai of the Kingdom of Greater Avalonia . Camille doesn 't know where Avalonia is , much less much about Prince Nikolai , but as she 's always wanted to be a princess - and as she hasn 't seen Gray in many years - she 's willing to do just about anything to make Prince Nikolai happy . So when the Prince wants a " proper English Christmas , " Camille is bound and determined to do anything she can to bring it off even though her mother and one of her sisters are in France and her father is presumed dead . So what does the intrepid Camille do ? Why , hire a whole troupe of actors , of course ! They 'll play the parts of her devoted family plus all of the servants ( who 've been given holiday time off prior to the start of the book ) , and that will give the Prince the " proper English Christmas " he 's always wanted . Of course , things go wrong nearly immediately when Gray comes back into the picture . Now an extremely wealthy man after making a great deal of money in India , Gray believes he has the panache to offer for Camille . Thus he goes to Camille 's house at the behest of his brother , the country squire , to renew his acquaintance . And of course it 's Gray who realizes that Prince Nikolai is not who he seems to be , especially as the Principality of Greater Avalonia no longer exists , but the only person he can discuss this with is Camille 's identical twin sister Beryl . ( Gray has always been able to tell the two apart . So can Beryl 's husband , which is just as well . ) Beryl is not wholly unsympathetic to Gray 's pursuit of Camille , but she believes that Gray should have to earn Camille 's trust ( a quite sensible attitude ) . This leads to much spirited and witty by - play and a great deal of comedic intrigue . BTW , folks . . . we are still here . Barb 's been working on her 3rd novel , and Jason 's been writing , too . . . but we 're here and we will review . 1 year ago
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Remember this room ? It 's our basement 's roughed in bathroom that was acting as the household paint closet . I thought I 'd catch you all up in the construction process . Tim , our handyman , was over here all last week . His mud and taper , Jim , was over here at the end of the week . And I have to say , the construction phase is moving right along . Now when I open the door I see this : And really , I don 't even see this . The walls have been mudded and sanded . And , yesterday during naps , Mr . Marvelous and I tiled the floor together . What a lower body surprise that was . My calves just stopped making spastic movements this afternoon . Moving on to Phase 3 : Grout . Paint . Not only is my husband the Let 's Getter Done type , he 's the Stitch In My Side type . He makes each one of us laugh every day . Especially Luke . Luke gets all daddy 's jokes - - even if they weren 't meant to be jokes . So , this must be another goal on his checklist I was talking about . Which is great . Especially when I can attest to having a few long days in my motherhood lifetime . Having a breath of fresh air drift through the door at the end of the work day is seemingly theraputic . Here 's an example of his attempts in laugh therapy while out at a friend 's old amish farm . The day our family met Molly the Milking Goat and turned from our virgin goat milking ways , Mr . Marvelous was caught doing this : And as you can tell here , I apparently didn 't notice . I had my hands in some serious stuff . But after the fact , I was flipping through the camera and nearly fell to the floor in stitches . * * Oh , and he 's officially turned . Twenty Eight , that is . In the card I wrote him this morning , I shared that 28 is " really getting up there . " He 's on the verge of halfway to retirement . I guess I don 't know why I 'm talking , being a year older than him . Happy Birthday , Babes . It 's really true . Mr . Marvelous has surpassed all the expectations I had for him when we first started dating back in high school . I know , I know . Say it with me now , It 's not healthy to hold expectations of your spouse or loved ones . I understand that now , but I really didn 't know that as a 17 year old . And the expectations I 'm talking about here are ones I pray my children will hold , their children will hold , and their children 's children will hold . They 're important . And I 'm serious . I knew my husband was to love Jesus , love me , love his children , and love hip hop music . Check , check . . . check , check ! ! A little contradictory - - the first and the last requirement - - I realize this . See , I had my mind set that a country boy in tight jeans and a cowboy hat singing Achy Breaky Heart just wasn 't my style . But Blackstreet ! They had me at " No Diggity . " And it just so happened that Mr . Marvelous liked them too . Then , it wasn 't until a couple of years into college that I set my love for worldly Hip Hop and R & B harmonies aside only to pick up more uplifting Hip Hoppy / Rappy artists like Toby Mac and Skillet , now two of MM 's favorites artists also . And as far as the rest of the checklist is concerned , Mr . Marvelous has shown himself to be the most thoughtful , devoted , and entertaining man . And since his Birthday is tomorrow , I 'm going to take a couple of posts to brag a bit about how wonderful my soon - to - be 28 - year - old husband is . When God placed Mr . Marvelous in my younger brother 's classroom in 1st grade . He knew what he was doing . I didn 't know what He was doing - - until my senior year in high school - - but He knew . And since then , during these past 12 years together , I 've found myself doting on his many charming traits . First , he 's an amazingly committed and hard worker . The dude gets something in his head and works vigorously on it until he 's done . ( Or gets something in his head for me to do , and works on me until I get it done . ) We 've been living in our house for almost 2 years now . And everything done in this house is due to MM 's Posted by Update : Kristen got my Favorite Things package . ORIGINAL POST : I got a package again ! ! And , Kristen 's Favorite Things couldn 't have come on a better day . Ahhh ! For the love of gas money and a mama of 4under3 , what in the world happened this morning ? Without diving completely into I 'll just say that we practically made it to every corner of our 100 , 000 person city this morning in efforts of running two little errands . It was a completely unsuccessful trip around town with only whining , rude roadworkers , crying ( from all 5 of us ) , and spent nerves . So you can imagine how excited I was when Julia said , " Mama , the Mailman left a package in our garage , " after we arrived home . You see , Wendi hosted a Favorite Things Swap awhile back and Kristen and I became swap partners . I got a package of a few of her favorite things today , and my package to her should be arriving soon . Check out her favorite things to me : I 've found that we both hold a similar love - - Autumn . Look at all these fall ' ish favorites of hers . Fall scrapbooking stickers . I 'll definitely use them . I love to scrap and make cards . And Country Living 's Fall issue . Mmmm . A perfect read while sipping on a mug of spiced apple cider made from the mulling spices she sent . And look at these cute antique sundae dishes . She loves sundaes . I wonder if she prefers hot fudge and nuts like I do ? A bag of her favorite fall snack as a child : Peanuts and Candycorn mix - - I 'm munching on them right now . And a bag of Amish Homestyle noodles with a recipe of her favorite Beef and Noodles atop mashed potatoes . I can 't wait to make that for supper . Along with the recipe for her favorite Banana Bread . So even though the bees were stinging bad today , it was nothing a few favorite things couldn 't fix . Thanks Kristen ! I 'm joining in Mck Mama 's Not Me Monday Carnival . Go on over and check out what others would never do . . . . if you need a good laugh . Here 's what I would never do . Seriously . Never . My Not Me list . I did not use my husband 's razor on my legs and underarms during my shower this morning . I realize that his facial razors are much more spendy than my leg razors . And I am very aware that using them on my legs diminishes their usablility much quicker . That 's why I 'd never use his razor - - against his will - - even if I was cold and didn 't want to get out of the shower to find mine . I 'm much more trustworthy than that . I did not take a package to the post office this morning without the address to send it to . Because really , that would be forgetful of me , and I 'm not forgetful . And furthermore , I did not ask the postlady if she had internet access so that she might be able to google my friend 's address since I couldn 't reach her on my cell . That would be ridiculous . I did not spill my thermos of coffee on my leg in the car on the way to drop Julia off at Preschool . And I for sure did not spill my bottle of water on my hip , rear , and thigh on the way back to pick her up . I 'd never do that . I 'm quite the cautious driver and find that drinking and driving only leads to major distractions . I did not almost clip a new BMW on the way back home this morning . I 'd never take my eyes off of the road , even to secretively watch Julia praise Jesus by clapping and singing to Life Song behind me in her carseat . I definitely did not meet a police car while driving 13 miles over the speed limit this morning . Even if Luke and I lost track of time while playing together at the park while Julia was at school , I would never speed in hopes to pick her up on time . And even if I did meet a police car while speeding , which I would never do , I would not shed tears or nearly wet my pants as I saw his break lights in my rearview mirror . I 'm mature and things like " break light warnings " don 't scare me . And , I did not question my capability as a licensed driver todPosted by WARNING : This post is not for the weak stomach . WARNING : This post is not for the weak stomach . WARNING : This post is not for the weak stomach . If you were with me today as I stepped into Norah and Hazel 's room to get them from their afternoon naps , you would have doubled over with laughter . Or let out a shriek of disbelief . That 's what I did . It was right after I realized the true reason our exceptional cribmate sleepers were up chattering during most of their 2 1 / 2 hour nap . First , let me back up and clarify some things . Every day our naptime routine is as follows : Carry both girls downstairs between 12 and 12 : 30Rock and hum together in their comfy leather recliner Kiss and place our wiggly Norah in their crib first , cover herContinue rocking and humming with our snuggly Hazel while Norah waits quietly for her sister while sucking her thumbKiss and lay Hazel in their crib , cover her , walk out , shut doorIt 's a 99 % guarantee that the girls then - - within minutes - - drift off into dreamland for the next 2 1 / 2 hours . If I hear any stirring coming from their room shortly after I 've tucked them in , I know someone has dirtied a diaper . I immediately return to their room , change the culprit , kiss again and say our goodnights . And that 's what happened today . There was chatter , there was one dirty diaper , a swift change , and a quick goodnight . And although I thought I was in the clear , I started to hear more chatter , and more giggles throughout their naps . I wondered . . . Is it time to give them their own cribs ? Are they getting too big to share their sleeping space ? Are they bothering eachother more than comforting eachother ? Why today ? Why are they not sleeping ? Now back to their room . . . As I walked in somewhere around rise - n - shine time , my eyes moved rapidly from Hazel 's overloaded dirty diaper , to her back , then to her shoulders . They then moved over to Norah , the blanket she was kicking her legs in , and the dirtied space she was sitting on and smearing her hands in . ( Shriek ) Wouldn 't you have ? It was clear at that moment , why they 4under3 While we were exploring on the grounds of our Nature Center the other day we happened upon this old stone fireplace . They say it 's over 100 years old and was used by the nearby hospital back in it 's day . As you can see by it 's relation to little Lukeman - - thanks to his bright green crocs - - it 's quite massive , and very facinating to him . Both Julia and Luke were excited to delve right in to see what it was all about . And because the actual Nature Center building is closed for the year , we were unable to greet Luke 's favorite , the snakes , and Julia 's favorite , the soft - shelled turtles . But that didn 't throw a wrench in our plans . We made our own fun as we climbed around this ancient fireplace : We watched the ducks taking flight out of the pond , then skidding back in . Then we scoped out the lillypads and fish along this bridge : We stumbled upon this century old cave that gave shelter to food from the old hospital : Then we decided it 's entrance served as a perfect picnic setting : And this is how we always do it . Most every day we pack a picnic . If the weather is nice - - which it has been nearly all summer - - we load our red , white , and blue blanket , and our cooler into the stroller and munch our lunch wherever we see fit . Alongside a rod iron gate , casing the outside of a deep dark cave . . . it seems fit enough for me . I didn 't realize what I was in for when posting my quite hopeful " to do " list yesterday . You all served as wonderful accountability partners and really kept me on my toes . Even though I didn 't finish everything , I did add a few unposted endeavors . Sorting through the little girls ' clothes , rotating the cooler weather items in and the warmer weather items out to the " Get Rid Of " bin was a must . Then , making a dish of lasagna , garlic bread and lettuce salad for supper and inviting the neighbors and their children over to play in our back yard was another . And while I did get a few snapshots of our unfinished basement bathroom yesterday , I thought I 'd wait to post them today . Thanks for waiting so nicely . Our carpenter Tim is hard at work as we speak . Directly below me , and next door to the twins ' room , is where he is making his mark . The thought that his loud drill and constant pounding is feet from my napping babies doesn 't worry me a bit . They 've become accustomed to sleeping through most everything . I guess that 's what sharing a crib with your sister does to you . Transitioning to married life should be a breeze for them . - - - Now if you will , grab your hard hats and follow me . - - - First , watch your step , we 'll go down two sets of stairs to get to our basement living room . Take a right and pass through the living room to a short hallway . We 'll open our first door here on the right . And here you have it . Our unfinished , roughed in , basement bathroom . It 's been serving as a paint closet - - as you can see - - since we moved in . We immediately finished the living room , dividing it into two rooms , allowing for our exercise space , but we left the bathroom until now . To be honest , I have no idea what Tim is working on now . But , I am excited to take more pictures when he leaves . Here we are standing in the bathroom , looking out . If you took a right and continued down the hallway to the next door - - on the right - - you 'd find Norah and Hazel 's room . The room at the end of the hallway is where my SIL ( husband 's sister ) and her daughter aPosted by . . . get up and work out at the gym near the bottom of our hill . Preferrably without hitting my cellphone snooze button . There was no hitting snooze for me this morning , thanks to Mr . Marvelous and his early morning - - 5am - - shower . He has Men 's Fraternity through our church on Tuesday mornings and I will now be rising an hour earlier than planned on those days . Sigh . . . . fold the laundry that 's currently in my dryer . And the basket that was sitting in front of my dryer . And the basket that was sitting in my bedroom . So long laundry . See you next Monday . . . . take Luke - - and all the other children - - to his doctor appointment . But first we packed a lunch , hiked around at our Nature Center , and ate our picnic near the entrance of a 100 year old cave . . . . post before photos of our unfinished basement bathroom . ( BTW , our carpenter was supposed to start today , but instead will be starting on Wednesday . No worries , though . He 's bringing extra help and has reassured us that it will be finished in a timely manner . ) . . . make the Keylime pie that I 've been craving . Of course , I wouldn 't leave this one uncrossed . I made time at the wee end of naps to boil up some keylime and pour into a shortbread crust . It 's been screaming my name in the frig ever since . I won 't eat it when the kids are awake . I need to concentrate while I enjoy it . But as soon as 7 : 15 rolls around finally gets here , I 'm cutting a couple slices out for Mr . Marvelous and I . To be honest , I hope he doesn 't like it . . . . remind Luke that if he continues to stay put in his crib when he 's tucked in , he 'll get his big boy bed back that we tucked away in his closet last week . Check ! And really , there might not be any more need to remind him . He does a great job reminding us that he 'll get his " big boy bed back . . . and . . . stay . in . my . bed . " . . . plan meals for a pregnant mama from our church . . . . assign meals for a new mom from our church . . . . remind Julia to pick out a show - n - tell item for preschool on Wednesday , have her place it in her backpack . She did . The lucky item to be shared tomorrow is JulPosted by Just as I was about to post these hair pictures , Mr . Marvelous walked in for our meeting that was scheduled here with a kitchen designer . I totally forgot ! It went ok . We 'll see what she pulls together when we meet with her next Monday at her office . And because our house has a very open floor plan , her volume level kept Julia up from her nap ( she 's sleeping now ) , and woke Luke early from his nap . So after settling Julia into bed , and getting Luke up with some snack I 'm back with some snaps of the new darker , reddish ' do . I know I told you that I was hoping for an aggressive change . And although I didn 't get the aggressive look I was hoping for . I think I like it . My colorist was new . And frankly , I think she was nervous to go bold . But she ended up foiling a spicy red along with a warm brown into my highlighted sandy brown hair . And really , this is the darkest I 've been since probably college . That 's 5 years . And even those this picture 's lighting is way off , it still shows the definition she made around my face . I tried taking these pictures while we waited in the parking lot of Julia 's preschool , since we arrived a bit early to pick her up . Do you see Hazel 's turqouise bow in the background ? She didn 't mind at all that we sat still for a bit . Her sister on the other hand . . . . . not so much . If you remember this photo of my dad and I , this was a couple of weeks ago . And this is the new ' do . Do you color your hair ? This morning as we were all getting ready for church , I was standing in our laundry room that 's off of our kitchen . That 's where I tend to straighten my hair and dab some makeup while keeping an eye on the little girls eating breakfast in their highchairs . Since our bedroom is on the other side of the house , the laundry room works nice . ( Straighten , straighten , slice some bananas . Straighten , comb , straighten . Straighten , pick up Norah 's sippy of milk that she flung across the floor . Straighten , straighten , dab some makeup . ) And , gosh , after reading that last paragraph , I feel sort of like a high maintenance mom of 4 . But I promise you I 'm not . See . . . let me share with you a little secret of mine . I only wash my hair about twice a week . Gasp ! On the off days , I don 't . do . my . hair . * * But back to this morning . As I was in mid straighten , in walks Julia . " Mommy , can you help me zip my [ hot pink cowgirl ] boots ? " " Sure , hon . Are they stuck ? " ( kneeling down to start on the first zipper ) " Yea , and I asked Jesus , " Will you please help me zip my boots up ? " " ( me trying not to chuckle , still kneeled down to her level ) " And I looked down and they still weren 't zipped . " ( me trying extremely hard not to chuckle ) " Why didn 't He zip them , Mama ? " " Well , hon , maybe He wanted you to keep trying . Maybe He thought you 'd get it if you tried really hard . " " Really ? I thought I heard Him say , " Go find your Mama . " " * * Even though I didn 't get a photo of my new cut and color today , I 'll shoot one of it tomorrow to post . Do remember , it 'll be day old hair . My mom came this morning to spend the day with our 4underfeet while Mr . Marvelous and I tended to some business . She 's so great like that ! Ever since Julia was born , she has come on Mondays to play , sometimes clean , and stay while I run errands . Boy has her grandmother role changed slightly since then - - 3 years and 3 children later . And , I know that long days like these aren 't always a piece of cake . ( Goodness , it 's a challenge for me sometimes and I 'm nearly a pro . Joke people , definitely joking ! ) But , my mom always greets us with a smile and fun stories from the day when we return . We left a smidge before 9am and walked back through the door a bit before 7pm . And , if you followed my twitter updates you know Mr . Marvelous and I headed into the city to our season ticket seats to cheer on our State Football team today . Here are some things I found myself lovin ' about today : A peaceful car ride with great conversation . A sausage and egg mckmuffin AND a sausage burrito AND a pulpy OJ AND a hashbrown ( gosh , I must have been hungry . ) A train ride into downtown . Sitting next to my little brother who met us for the game . ( His wife ( in glasses ) is gone on an All - Girls Whitewater Rafting trip near the East Coast . ) Singing Sweet Caroline with 50 , 000 other off key fans . Occasionally sneaking peaks at the adorable elderly couple sitting near us . Watching touchdown after touchdown completed by our team , followed by a victory . Running in the rain holding Mr . Marvelous ' hand . F . i . n . a . l . l . y finding a vanity / sink / faucets for our downstairs bathroom . Ugh ! A concrete raspberry mixer . Mmm ! Tiptoeing up on the children , who were quietly playing when we returned home , and surprising them . And of course , staring at this hot number all day . . . What have you found yourself lovin ' lately ? Posted by I sweep and mop once a day , grocery shop and do laundry once a week , switch out our families bedding once a month - - did I just say that outloud - - and by golly , I 'll buy a pair of Sailor Pocket Trousers once in awhile . I have a hard time shopping online . Unless it 's with Amazon . I love Amazon . But buying clothing and paying for shipping , then not really knowing how something will fit , or look , or feel . . . I hesitate at the idea . However , when I find a great opportunity to pay no shipping , and return with no fee , I 'm takin ' it and runnin ' . And that 's obviously what my new pants ' delivery team did too . . . I already have my new jeans . Wahoo ! And I love them and their chunky buttons , and extra long striking wide leg . Since I knew you 'd want a look , I 'll show you here on Mr . Marvelous ' weight bench in our workout room in the basement . Bring it on Autumn . . . 60 degree weather doesn 't scare me and my indigo colored jeans . Is it just me or do packages in the mail tickle your fancy ? I feel as though I have some explaining to do . Did you ever hear that phrase as a child ? Maybe you put the cat in the dryer , or a toad under your sister 's sheets . And even though it was out of pure curiosity with no harm meant , you still had some explaining to do . Now , I never put any of our cats in the dryer , and I didn 't even have a sister to scare with a toad , and quite honestly I believe I was a pretty even keel kind - of - child and a wonderfully well - behaved firstborn . So when I say I have some explaining to do , I only mean clarifying . I 've done nothing wrong , except lacked in the specifics of my posts . And thanks for keeping me on my toes , I wouldn 't want to leave anyone wondering if we 've welcomed a goat into our residential neighborhood . More on that . . . keep reading . To start , you all are getting good . The picture - - a couple of posts down - - of our towel wrapped twin is Norah . While Hazel has a more round face , Norah has the more full face . Norah is the big sister by 2 minutes . She always measured about a full pound heavier in utero , and was born at 6lb 10 oz while little Hazel was 5lb 10 oz . ( Yes , if you do the math , that 's over 12 lbs of babies induced exactly 3 weeks early . ) Now their weight split is about 1 1 / 2 lbs . Norah still weighing more . And a sure fire way to tell them apart is their forehead . Hazel has a more pronounced line that runs from the bridge of her nose to her hair line . When they were born , we didn 't have to tag them , or paint ones toenails to tell them apart . We could always tell by the shape of their face . And , you met Molly the Milking Goat in my last post . Have you ever milked a goat ? What a good goat she is . But not ours ! Oh , no . I have a hard enough time keeping the few flowers we have around our house alive . I 'd not be a good candidate for taking care of any kind of animal . But my hippie friend does a great job . Her , her husband , and their 3 - year - old are our home - away - from - home , along with their horses , goats , cats , and sheep . They have 2 goats , one of which they milk , and hope to get 3 oPosted by Updated : Here you have it ! Not Mr . Marvelous , nor I have stepped foot near a milking goat , until last night . It was a first for our family . Great guess Brittany and Amy . I know . We may be a little behind - - pardon the pun - - in the goat milking arena , but my hippie friend brought us right up to speed . While I helped our lactating participant fill the can , Mr . Marvelous poured it through the strainer . And while Luke tried it too , Julia decided she 'd watch . ORIGINAL POST : Will this help satisfy your stomach ? Some more than others , I think . This served on a silver platter , is the last part of your meal . Oh , how fun this first time event was for us . Do you got it yet ? If not , get ready for dessert . It will be arriving soon . That 's when I 'll tell you all about it . When we 're out and about , people ask all the time how I keep our identical girls straight . That question baffles me because they look completely different in my eyes . Honestly , I noticed their differences the day they were born , and asked the doctor three times if he was for sure they were identical . He assured me that he was . But how many of you can tell them apart ? Any idea who this is ? Norah or Hazel ? And , did you scroll back to check , are you taking a stab at it , or do you know them that well already ? Jesus and big breakfasts , kombucha and trees , and weekly dates with my husband . I love my high school sweetheart , romantic comedies , and singing loudly to christian music in the car . I avoid shopping unless it 's for groceries . I rise early and don 't stay up late . I use my Bible and crockpot often and look forward to nights out with my friends . I enjoy sewing and lap swimming , tickling our children and snuggling with Mr . Marvelous . I plan busy but structured days with our four , and always leave time for playing on the floor with them . I 'm a competitive game player , a downhill skier and a little on the fiesty side . Welcome to our life , it 's a busy one , given 4 children in 2 years and 8 months .
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Remember this room ? It 's our basement 's roughed in bathroom that was acting as the household paint closet . I thought I 'd catch you all up in the construction process . Tim , our handyman , was over here all last week . His mud and taper , Jim , was over here at the end of the week . And I have to say , the construction phase is moving right along . Now when I open the door I see this : And really , I don 't even see this . The walls have been mudded and sanded . And , yesterday during naps , Mr . Marvelous and I tiled the floor together . What a lower body surprise that was . My calves just stopped making spastic movements this afternoon . Moving on to Phase 3 : Grout . Paint . Not only is my husband the Let 's Getter Done type , he 's the Stitch In My Side type . He makes each one of us laugh every day . Especially Luke . Luke gets all daddy 's jokes - - even if they weren 't meant to be jokes . So , this must be another goal on his checklist I was talking about . Which is great . Especially when I can attest to having a few long days in my motherhood lifetime . Having a breath of fresh air drift through the door at the end of the work day is seemingly theraputic . Here 's an example of his attempts in laugh therapy while out at a friend 's old amish farm . The day our family met Molly the Milking Goat and turned from our virgin goat milking ways , Mr . Marvelous was caught doing this : And as you can tell here , I apparently didn 't notice . I had my hands in some serious stuff . But after the fact , I was flipping through the camera and nearly fell to the floor in stitches . * * Oh , and he 's officially turned . Twenty Eight , that is . In the card I wrote him this morning , I shared that 28 is " really getting up there . " He 's on the verge of halfway to retirement . I guess I don 't know why I 'm talking , being a year older than him . Happy Birthday , Babes . It 's really true . Mr . Marvelous has surpassed all the expectations I had for him when we first started dating back in high school . I know , I know . Say it with me now , It 's not healthy to hold expectations of your spouse or loved ones . I understand that now , but I really didn 't know that as a 17 year old . And the expectations I 'm talking about here are ones I pray my children will hold , their children will hold , and their children 's children will hold . They 're important . And I 'm serious . I knew my husband was to love Jesus , love me , love his children , and love hip hop music . Check , check . . . check , check ! ! A little contradictory - - the first and the last requirement - - I realize this . See , I had my mind set that a country boy in tight jeans and a cowboy hat singing Achy Breaky Heart just wasn 't my style . But Blackstreet ! They had me at " No Diggity . " And it just so happened that Mr . Marvelous liked them too . Then , it wasn 't until a couple of years into college that I set my love for worldly Hip Hop and R & B harmonies aside only to pick up more uplifting Hip Hoppy / Rappy artists like Toby Mac and Skillet , now two of MM 's favorites artists also . And as far as the rest of the checklist is concerned , Mr . Marvelous has shown himself to be the most thoughtful , devoted , and entertaining man . And since his Birthday is tomorrow , I 'm going to take a couple of posts to brag a bit about how wonderful my soon - to - be 28 - year - old husband is . When God placed Mr . Marvelous in my younger brother 's classroom in 1st grade . He knew what he was doing . I didn 't know what He was doing - - until my senior year in high school - - but He knew . And since then , during these past 12 years together , I 've found myself doting on his many charming traits . First , he 's an amazingly committed and hard worker . The dude gets something in his head and works vigorously on it until he 's done . ( Or gets something in his head for me to do , and works on me until I get it done . ) We 've been living in our house for almost 2 years now . And everything done in this house is due to MM 's Posted by Update : Kristen got my Favorite Things package . ORIGINAL POST : I got a package again ! ! And , Kristen 's Favorite Things couldn 't have come on a better day . Ahhh ! For the love of gas money and a mama of 4under3 , what in the world happened this morning ? Without diving completely into I 'll just say that we practically made it to every corner of our 100 , 000 person city this morning in efforts of running two little errands . It was a completely unsuccessful trip around town with only whining , rude roadworkers , crying ( from all 5 of us ) , and spent nerves . So you can imagine how excited I was when Julia said , " Mama , the Mailman left a package in our garage , " after we arrived home . You see , Wendi hosted a Favorite Things Swap awhile back and Kristen and I became swap partners . I got a package of a few of her favorite things today , and my package to her should be arriving soon . Check out her favorite things to me : I 've found that we both hold a similar love - - Autumn . Look at all these fall ' ish favorites of hers . Fall scrapbooking stickers . I 'll definitely use them . I love to scrap and make cards . And Country Living 's Fall issue . Mmmm . A perfect read while sipping on a mug of spiced apple cider made from the mulling spices she sent . And look at these cute antique sundae dishes . She loves sundaes . I wonder if she prefers hot fudge and nuts like I do ? A bag of her favorite fall snack as a child : Peanuts and Candycorn mix - - I 'm munching on them right now . And a bag of Amish Homestyle noodles with a recipe of her favorite Beef and Noodles atop mashed potatoes . I can 't wait to make that for supper . Along with the recipe for her favorite Banana Bread . So even though the bees were stinging bad today , it was nothing a few favorite things couldn 't fix . Thanks Kristen ! I 'm joining in Mck Mama 's Not Me Monday Carnival . Go on over and check out what others would never do . . . . if you need a good laugh . Here 's what I would never do . Seriously . Never . My Not Me list . I did not use my husband 's razor on my legs and underarms during my shower this morning . I realize that his facial razors are much more spendy than my leg razors . And I am very aware that using them on my legs diminishes their usablility much quicker . That 's why I 'd never use his razor - - against his will - - even if I was cold and didn 't want to get out of the shower to find mine . I 'm much more trustworthy than that . I did not take a package to the post office this morning without the address to send it to . Because really , that would be forgetful of me , and I 'm not forgetful . And furthermore , I did not ask the postlady if she had internet access so that she might be able to google my friend 's address since I couldn 't reach her on my cell . That would be ridiculous . I did not spill my thermos of coffee on my leg in the car on the way to drop Julia off at Preschool . And I for sure did not spill my bottle of water on my hip , rear , and thigh on the way back to pick her up . I 'd never do that . I 'm quite the cautious driver and find that drinking and driving only leads to major distractions . I did not almost clip a new BMW on the way back home this morning . I 'd never take my eyes off of the road , even to secretively watch Julia praise Jesus by clapping and singing to Life Song behind me in her carseat . I definitely did not meet a police car while driving 13 miles over the speed limit this morning . Even if Luke and I lost track of time while playing together at the park while Julia was at school , I would never speed in hopes to pick her up on time . And even if I did meet a police car while speeding , which I would never do , I would not shed tears or nearly wet my pants as I saw his break lights in my rearview mirror . I 'm mature and things like " break light warnings " don 't scare me . And , I did not question my capability as a licensed driver todPosted by WARNING : This post is not for the weak stomach . WARNING : This post is not for the weak stomach . WARNING : This post is not for the weak stomach . If you were with me today as I stepped into Norah and Hazel 's room to get them from their afternoon naps , you would have doubled over with laughter . Or let out a shriek of disbelief . That 's what I did . It was right after I realized the true reason our exceptional cribmate sleepers were up chattering during most of their 2 1 / 2 hour nap . First , let me back up and clarify some things . Every day our naptime routine is as follows : Carry both girls downstairs between 12 and 12 : 30Rock and hum together in their comfy leather recliner Kiss and place our wiggly Norah in their crib first , cover herContinue rocking and humming with our snuggly Hazel while Norah waits quietly for her sister while sucking her thumbKiss and lay Hazel in their crib , cover her , walk out , shut doorIt 's a 99 % guarantee that the girls then - - within minutes - - drift off into dreamland for the next 2 1 / 2 hours . If I hear any stirring coming from their room shortly after I 've tucked them in , I know someone has dirtied a diaper . I immediately return to their room , change the culprit , kiss again and say our goodnights . And that 's what happened today . There was chatter , there was one dirty diaper , a swift change , and a quick goodnight . And although I thought I was in the clear , I started to hear more chatter , and more giggles throughout their naps . I wondered . . . Is it time to give them their own cribs ? Are they getting too big to share their sleeping space ? Are they bothering eachother more than comforting eachother ? Why today ? Why are they not sleeping ? Now back to their room . . . As I walked in somewhere around rise - n - shine time , my eyes moved rapidly from Hazel 's overloaded dirty diaper , to her back , then to her shoulders . They then moved over to Norah , the blanket she was kicking her legs in , and the dirtied space she was sitting on and smearing her hands in . ( Shriek ) Wouldn 't you have ? It was clear at that moment , why they 4under3 While we were exploring on the grounds of our Nature Center the other day we happened upon this old stone fireplace . They say it 's over 100 years old and was used by the nearby hospital back in it 's day . As you can see by it 's relation to little Lukeman - - thanks to his bright green crocs - - it 's quite massive , and very facinating to him . Both Julia and Luke were excited to delve right in to see what it was all about . And because the actual Nature Center building is closed for the year , we were unable to greet Luke 's favorite , the snakes , and Julia 's favorite , the soft - shelled turtles . But that didn 't throw a wrench in our plans . We made our own fun as we climbed around this ancient fireplace : We watched the ducks taking flight out of the pond , then skidding back in . Then we scoped out the lillypads and fish along this bridge : We stumbled upon this century old cave that gave shelter to food from the old hospital : Then we decided it 's entrance served as a perfect picnic setting : And this is how we always do it . Most every day we pack a picnic . If the weather is nice - - which it has been nearly all summer - - we load our red , white , and blue blanket , and our cooler into the stroller and munch our lunch wherever we see fit . Alongside a rod iron gate , casing the outside of a deep dark cave . . . it seems fit enough for me . I didn 't realize what I was in for when posting my quite hopeful " to do " list yesterday . You all served as wonderful accountability partners and really kept me on my toes . Even though I didn 't finish everything , I did add a few unposted endeavors . Sorting through the little girls ' clothes , rotating the cooler weather items in and the warmer weather items out to the " Get Rid Of " bin was a must . Then , making a dish of lasagna , garlic bread and lettuce salad for supper and inviting the neighbors and their children over to play in our back yard was another . And while I did get a few snapshots of our unfinished basement bathroom yesterday , I thought I 'd wait to post them today . Thanks for waiting so nicely . Our carpenter Tim is hard at work as we speak . Directly below me , and next door to the twins ' room , is where he is making his mark . The thought that his loud drill and constant pounding is feet from my napping babies doesn 't worry me a bit . They 've become accustomed to sleeping through most everything . I guess that 's what sharing a crib with your sister does to you . Transitioning to married life should be a breeze for them . - - - Now if you will , grab your hard hats and follow me . - - - First , watch your step , we 'll go down two sets of stairs to get to our basement living room . Take a right and pass through the living room to a short hallway . We 'll open our first door here on the right . And here you have it . Our unfinished , roughed in , basement bathroom . It 's been serving as a paint closet - - as you can see - - since we moved in . We immediately finished the living room , dividing it into two rooms , allowing for our exercise space , but we left the bathroom until now . To be honest , I have no idea what Tim is working on now . But , I am excited to take more pictures when he leaves . Here we are standing in the bathroom , looking out . If you took a right and continued down the hallway to the next door - - on the right - - you 'd find Norah and Hazel 's room . The room at the end of the hallway is where my SIL ( husband 's sister ) and her daughter aPosted by . . . get up and work out at the gym near the bottom of our hill . Preferrably without hitting my cellphone snooze button . There was no hitting snooze for me this morning , thanks to Mr . Marvelous and his early morning - - 5am - - shower . He has Men 's Fraternity through our church on Tuesday mornings and I will now be rising an hour earlier than planned on those days . Sigh . . . . fold the laundry that 's currently in my dryer . And the basket that was sitting in front of my dryer . And the basket that was sitting in my bedroom . So long laundry . See you next Monday . . . . take Luke - - and all the other children - - to his doctor appointment . But first we packed a lunch , hiked around at our Nature Center , and ate our picnic near the entrance of a 100 year old cave . . . . post before photos of our unfinished basement bathroom . ( BTW , our carpenter was supposed to start today , but instead will be starting on Wednesday . No worries , though . He 's bringing extra help and has reassured us that it will be finished in a timely manner . ) . . . make the Keylime pie that I 've been craving . Of course , I wouldn 't leave this one uncrossed . I made time at the wee end of naps to boil up some keylime and pour into a shortbread crust . It 's been screaming my name in the frig ever since . I won 't eat it when the kids are awake . I need to concentrate while I enjoy it . But as soon as 7 : 15 rolls around finally gets here , I 'm cutting a couple slices out for Mr . Marvelous and I . To be honest , I hope he doesn 't like it . . . . remind Luke that if he continues to stay put in his crib when he 's tucked in , he 'll get his big boy bed back that we tucked away in his closet last week . Check ! And really , there might not be any more need to remind him . He does a great job reminding us that he 'll get his " big boy bed back . . . and . . . stay . in . my . bed . " . . . plan meals for a pregnant mama from our church . . . . assign meals for a new mom from our church . . . . remind Julia to pick out a show - n - tell item for preschool on Wednesday , have her place it in her backpack . She did . The lucky item to be shared tomorrow is JulPosted by Just as I was about to post these hair pictures , Mr . Marvelous walked in for our meeting that was scheduled here with a kitchen designer . I totally forgot ! It went ok . We 'll see what she pulls together when we meet with her next Monday at her office . And because our house has a very open floor plan , her volume level kept Julia up from her nap ( she 's sleeping now ) , and woke Luke early from his nap . So after settling Julia into bed , and getting Luke up with some snack I 'm back with some snaps of the new darker , reddish ' do . I know I told you that I was hoping for an aggressive change . And although I didn 't get the aggressive look I was hoping for . I think I like it . My colorist was new . And frankly , I think she was nervous to go bold . But she ended up foiling a spicy red along with a warm brown into my highlighted sandy brown hair . And really , this is the darkest I 've been since probably college . That 's 5 years . And even those this picture 's lighting is way off , it still shows the definition she made around my face . I tried taking these pictures while we waited in the parking lot of Julia 's preschool , since we arrived a bit early to pick her up . Do you see Hazel 's turqouise bow in the background ? She didn 't mind at all that we sat still for a bit . Her sister on the other hand . . . . . not so much . If you remember this photo of my dad and I , this was a couple of weeks ago . And this is the new ' do . Do you color your hair ? This morning as we were all getting ready for church , I was standing in our laundry room that 's off of our kitchen . That 's where I tend to straighten my hair and dab some makeup while keeping an eye on the little girls eating breakfast in their highchairs . Since our bedroom is on the other side of the house , the laundry room works nice . ( Straighten , straighten , slice some bananas . Straighten , comb , straighten . Straighten , pick up Norah 's sippy of milk that she flung across the floor . Straighten , straighten , dab some makeup . ) And , gosh , after reading that last paragraph , I feel sort of like a high maintenance mom of 4 . But I promise you I 'm not . See . . . let me share with you a little secret of mine . I only wash my hair about twice a week . Gasp ! On the off days , I don 't . do . my . hair . * * But back to this morning . As I was in mid straighten , in walks Julia . " Mommy , can you help me zip my [ hot pink cowgirl ] boots ? " " Sure , hon . Are they stuck ? " ( kneeling down to start on the first zipper ) " Yea , and I asked Jesus , " Will you please help me zip my boots up ? " " ( me trying not to chuckle , still kneeled down to her level ) " And I looked down and they still weren 't zipped . " ( me trying extremely hard not to chuckle ) " Why didn 't He zip them , Mama ? " " Well , hon , maybe He wanted you to keep trying . Maybe He thought you 'd get it if you tried really hard . " " Really ? I thought I heard Him say , " Go find your Mama . " " * * Even though I didn 't get a photo of my new cut and color today , I 'll shoot one of it tomorrow to post . Do remember , it 'll be day old hair . My mom came this morning to spend the day with our 4underfeet while Mr . Marvelous and I tended to some business . She 's so great like that ! Ever since Julia was born , she has come on Mondays to play , sometimes clean , and stay while I run errands . Boy has her grandmother role changed slightly since then - - 3 years and 3 children later . And , I know that long days like these aren 't always a piece of cake . ( Goodness , it 's a challenge for me sometimes and I 'm nearly a pro . Joke people , definitely joking ! ) But , my mom always greets us with a smile and fun stories from the day when we return . We left a smidge before 9am and walked back through the door a bit before 7pm . And , if you followed my twitter updates you know Mr . Marvelous and I headed into the city to our season ticket seats to cheer on our State Football team today . Here are some things I found myself lovin ' about today : A peaceful car ride with great conversation . A sausage and egg mckmuffin AND a sausage burrito AND a pulpy OJ AND a hashbrown ( gosh , I must have been hungry . ) A train ride into downtown . Sitting next to my little brother who met us for the game . ( His wife ( in glasses ) is gone on an All - Girls Whitewater Rafting trip near the East Coast . ) Singing Sweet Caroline with 50 , 000 other off key fans . Occasionally sneaking peaks at the adorable elderly couple sitting near us . Watching touchdown after touchdown completed by our team , followed by a victory . Running in the rain holding Mr . Marvelous ' hand . F . i . n . a . l . l . y finding a vanity / sink / faucets for our downstairs bathroom . Ugh ! A concrete raspberry mixer . Mmm ! Tiptoeing up on the children , who were quietly playing when we returned home , and surprising them . And of course , staring at this hot number all day . . . What have you found yourself lovin ' lately ? Posted by I sweep and mop once a day , grocery shop and do laundry once a week , switch out our families bedding once a month - - did I just say that outloud - - and by golly , I 'll buy a pair of Sailor Pocket Trousers once in awhile . I have a hard time shopping online . Unless it 's with Amazon . I love Amazon . But buying clothing and paying for shipping , then not really knowing how something will fit , or look , or feel . . . I hesitate at the idea . However , when I find a great opportunity to pay no shipping , and return with no fee , I 'm takin ' it and runnin ' . And that 's obviously what my new pants ' delivery team did too . . . I already have my new jeans . Wahoo ! And I love them and their chunky buttons , and extra long striking wide leg . Since I knew you 'd want a look , I 'll show you here on Mr . Marvelous ' weight bench in our workout room in the basement . Bring it on Autumn . . . 60 degree weather doesn 't scare me and my indigo colored jeans . Is it just me or do packages in the mail tickle your fancy ? I feel as though I have some explaining to do . Did you ever hear that phrase as a child ? Maybe you put the cat in the dryer , or a toad under your sister 's sheets . And even though it was out of pure curiosity with no harm meant , you still had some explaining to do . Now , I never put any of our cats in the dryer , and I didn 't even have a sister to scare with a toad , and quite honestly I believe I was a pretty even keel kind - of - child and a wonderfully well - behaved firstborn . So when I say I have some explaining to do , I only mean clarifying . I 've done nothing wrong , except lacked in the specifics of my posts . And thanks for keeping me on my toes , I wouldn 't want to leave anyone wondering if we 've welcomed a goat into our residential neighborhood . More on that . . . keep reading . To start , you all are getting good . The picture - - a couple of posts down - - of our towel wrapped twin is Norah . While Hazel has a more round face , Norah has the more full face . Norah is the big sister by 2 minutes . She always measured about a full pound heavier in utero , and was born at 6lb 10 oz while little Hazel was 5lb 10 oz . ( Yes , if you do the math , that 's over 12 lbs of babies induced exactly 3 weeks early . ) Now their weight split is about 1 1 / 2 lbs . Norah still weighing more . And a sure fire way to tell them apart is their forehead . Hazel has a more pronounced line that runs from the bridge of her nose to her hair line . When they were born , we didn 't have to tag them , or paint ones toenails to tell them apart . We could always tell by the shape of their face . And , you met Molly the Milking Goat in my last post . Have you ever milked a goat ? What a good goat she is . But not ours ! Oh , no . I have a hard enough time keeping the few flowers we have around our house alive . I 'd not be a good candidate for taking care of any kind of animal . But my hippie friend does a great job . Her , her husband , and their 3 - year - old are our home - away - from - home , along with their horses , goats , cats , and sheep . They have 2 goats , one of which they milk , and hope to get 3 oPosted by Updated : Here you have it ! Not Mr . Marvelous , nor I have stepped foot near a milking goat , until last night . It was a first for our family . Great guess Brittany and Amy . I know . We may be a little behind - - pardon the pun - - in the goat milking arena , but my hippie friend brought us right up to speed . While I helped our lactating participant fill the can , Mr . Marvelous poured it through the strainer . And while Luke tried it too , Julia decided she 'd watch . ORIGINAL POST : Will this help satisfy your stomach ? Some more than others , I think . This served on a silver platter , is the last part of your meal . Oh , how fun this first time event was for us . Do you got it yet ? If not , get ready for dessert . It will be arriving soon . That 's when I 'll tell you all about it . When we 're out and about , people ask all the time how I keep our identical girls straight . That question baffles me because they look completely different in my eyes . Honestly , I noticed their differences the day they were born , and asked the doctor three times if he was for sure they were identical . He assured me that he was . But how many of you can tell them apart ? Any idea who this is ? Norah or Hazel ? And , did you scroll back to check , are you taking a stab at it , or do you know them that well already ? Jesus and big breakfasts , kombucha and trees , and weekly dates with my husband . I love my high school sweetheart , romantic comedies , and singing loudly to christian music in the car . I avoid shopping unless it 's for groceries . I rise early and don 't stay up late . I use my Bible and crockpot often and look forward to nights out with my friends . I enjoy sewing and lap swimming , tickling our children and snuggling with Mr . Marvelous . I plan busy but structured days with our four , and always leave time for playing on the floor with them . I 'm a competitive game player , a downhill skier and a little on the fiesty side . Welcome to our life , it 's a busy one , given 4 children in 2 years and 8 months .
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I wonder what really captions an audience ? Is it the photographs of exotic places or the weird looking things that are captured on video these days ? I don 't know , whatever it is has the social media nowadays growing at a very fast speed . I 'm going to share a video with you , I love the lyrics as well as these Amazing talented Artists . I think they are awesome ! ! You Rock ! ! I am a writer , a writer of the truth . I take my time to put my words together . I take what I do and say very seriously . I know how to accept criticism as well as sarcasm . I 'm kind and humble , I 'm always willing to lend a hand without any hesitation . I 've been taken advantage of in numerous of occasions only because I think with my heart instead of using my head , but , I 'm writing a separate book for those who have taken that route with me . " what goes around comes around " and then some . I know and understand that in the world of Bloggers and Journalists you either got it or you don 't … you stand tall or you fall … its just the way it goes … that 's a chance we have to take . I love this world . I am happy just to feel my fingers typing , knowing I have something to say and share with you . I 've been writing for so long , I can 't even begin to tell you how many years it 's been . I love this environment , the people who share the same feeling as me should understand how great this feeling is . I love it here because of your great attitudes and positive ways of thinking , we don 't actually have to personally know one another to share the same feelings or appreciate each others work . I love the atmosphere , and how some of you still feel the same way I do about books , we miss the way a book feels when you hold it in your hands , the feel of the pages , the smell . We are Writers , Journalists we love a story just as much as the next person . We love it all ! Pretty simple . For all those who love to dream with your eyes open … It 's possible here … You can be a dreamer , you can be royal , you can wear diamonds or maybe crystals , you can live any fantasy , you don 't come here for money , just to share what you have with the world . Everyone has a story to tell . Everyone wants to spread their wings . So , spread them as far as you can and dream , make those dreams reality . Sometimes we say or do things we wish we hadn 't said or done … Now , the purpose of fixing " whatever those mistakes are " in a commitment / relationship … is not arguing about it … communication its the key … being able to talk without arguing and allowing your partner to speak without interruption , listening to each other and trust . Never repeating the same mistake twice … is learning from it . There are many keys to a healthy relationship and believe me I just found out recently that its the best feeling in the world to know that love is really beautiful and healthy when you have the main ingredients . Just have a little bit of faith , believe in yourself and don 't worry everyone has a reward awaiting for them . Hold yourself up , don 't be afraid to close your eyes , love is waiting for you . Sometimes , the reward is greater than what you expected it to be , it may take longer for delivery but its worth the wait . First , I am grateful to God for loving me and for being alive also for making it though another year , believe me 2013 was a rough one . I am happy because I 'm able to breathe easier and without stress , I am thankful for my beautiful children because they have been the biggest blessing in my life , I 'm thankful for my adoptive parents Melanie and Sid , they have been an inspiration and great support in my life , since they 've been part of my family I can say I know what it feels like to have real parents . ( I love you Mama and Poppa ) . my home which I almost lost , but by the helping hand of God who kept me strong & my family who didn 't leave my side , they brought it back to the way it used to be and by working together as a team getting all the legal paperwork in place , putting the house back into shape inside and out , ( Thank you guys , I am fortunate to have you in my life . ) I was able to regain control of my home and take possession of it . I 'm comfortable now and sleeping safely . Now , God knew what my heart was missing , how so many times I prayed for someone to hold me . I was afraid to let go of my pride and admit I was empty inside , cried myself to sleep almost every night for years wishing I had someone there with me . I had my share of bad relationships in the past and had gave up on love . I was lonely and needed someone to change my life around , I thought that was never going to happen for me . Thank You God for sending me an amazing man who has rescued me from the mess I was in , makes my life complete , when he smiles at me I see love in his eyes . I live the life I always dreamed because of him , he has transformed me from being a negative person , into someone who knows now that anything can happen as long as you believe in yourself . He accepts me for me and respects my opinions , most of all he loves my kids . He was there to help me regain my strengths when I felt I was loosing it all , and kept by my side even after many tried to keep him apart . Thank you . " In Love Again " , is a short story about how I found real love after years of believing it wasn 't possible . One particular part of my life you already know , if you read my book " I am a Survivor " . I can finally say the cycle has been broken . That part of my life no longer exists . I used to fear my past because of the a bitter taste it left me with and falling in love was the last thing on my mind , but when I met Jorge , I looked into his eyes and knew right away he was different . I realized that in order to move on with my life and come back to reality , I needed to make changes and start a new life . I needed to find the way to fill the emptiness I had in my heart . For years I was walking around with half a heart and no one to fill that empty spot , everyone who came around me was negative , bringing nothing but bad energy into my home and around my children . Many tried to open my eyes to what was real in my life , but I just couldn 't see . I needed to start listening to the positive voices around me , instead of the negative ones . Until Jorge started talking to me and began to open my eyes to reality , I didn 't like what I saw , more the less liked what I heard , but coming from him sounded so much different than from anyone else . I noticed that after so long of waiting for a miracle , and hearing everyone who cared about me telling me to be strong , I would make it through my fears , because fear was just , " False Evidence Appearing Real . " in the end the only one left was my true love , telling me I am here to stay . I found a good man , a loving man , someone who I can trust , hold a conversation with and not worry about him telling me I talk too much . He enjoys my company and tells me how beautiful I look all the time , even on my worst days . He freed me from the emptiness and sadness I was living in , bringing me back to the surface and right back to my feet . He has helped me face all my fears , including the fears of loving again , he reminded me of how beautiful love is , breaking those chains that were holding me down so tightly by showing me the meaning of real love and understanding . He showed me that things are only as complicated as I make them seam not as they appear to be , that whatever doesn 't kill me will only make me stronger , never to allow anyone to tell me any different . He thought me to be grateful for being alive and to love every second , every minute of the hour because only I have the power to control my life and the way I feel . He told me be a mother first before I can be a woman and then everything will fall into place , he said that I was the master of my mind , my body and my soul and no one can control who I am . I remember being in my room and for the first time in my life , I am thinking ; what am I doing ? I am going through my clothes and I have nothing to wear . I am only going to the doctors , ( hello therapy , physical therapy ) I need to be wearing some sneakers and sweat pants now ) , and here I am trying to look sexy , It was a pleasant ride to my doctors visit , after getting acquainted with each other there was a sudden silence as we waited by a red light just about 10 minutes to the doctors office , then he spoke . His first questions was ; do you have any children ? I looked at him and smiled , and I said yes , the conversation began there … It was all about the kids , I noticed there was no wedding ring on his finger but of course that doesn 't mean there 's no marriage so I didn 't bother to ask , I wanted to wait a little longer before I ruined the moment of pleasantness , its not all the time you have a nice looking man with a passion to hear great stories about your kids hold a conversation with you . We shared a few laughs and talked about our country foods , the most embarrassing things my kids ever did to me in public and most importantly to him which I noticed right away was , how did I handled it . Before I noticed he was pulling in front of the doctors office , my ride was over . During my therapy section I was eager to finish just to see Jorge again . I wanted to take that ride home with him , I know I sound desperate but it was just the attention and the conversation , his sense of humor , that great feeling I felt when he made me laugh so hard at one point during our ride to the clinic until my stomach hurt , it make my heart jump . The feeling I had when I saw his eyes . I saw kindness , I saw reality . I saw true love for the first time in years . I was done with physical therapy and called to be picked up , I was disappointed not to see Jorge return for me , I was really hoping to see him again . My regular driver came back instead , I was going to ask him what happened with Jorge but I didn 't dare . As I got into the van and buckled my seat belt the driver asked me ; me : He was very polite and friendly , I think we going to get along just fine . What happened to him ? why didn 't he come back to get me ? I was quiet for the rest of the ride home thinking about what my driver has said and trying hard not to ask him any questions about Jorge , I was good enough for me about the volunteer information I had just received and I wanted to leave just like that . As we arrived to my house my driver informed me that Jorge was going to be taking his route from now own which would make him my permanent driver . I didn 't want to show him to excitement I was feeling inside so instead I replied with ; After that day everything stared , I had something to look forward to , although it was going to the doctors all the time at least I knew the company I was in was a pleasant one . Jorge was now picking me up for a few months and I always got to sit in the front seat if there was no one in the van , he takes good care of his patients and treats them with love and compassion , if they are older and cannot seat in the back he tells me , sorry but my co - pilot is coming and I need them right here with me so can you please take the back seat , he always get 's out of the van and opens the door for them , old or young . He never forgets to say " Good Morning " or " Good Afternoon " , " Have a nice day " , and when they are mean and nasty he says " God bless you Papi or Mami " " Hope you have a Great Day " ! ! ! which he hardly ever gets any of those . He loves his job . I will never forget the words Jorge said to me which started the change in my health and made it better . Majority of the people he picks up are older and have major issues . Some can 't even hardly walk , the other half are in wheelchairs . This is what Jorge said ; Jorge : everything . If you can 't love yourself for who you are and accept yourself how would you feel ? you need to change all the things that make you feel sick , all the negative things in your life , get rid of them , look at yourself in the mirror and say yesterday is gone and today is the beginning of a new day and fight for now . If you work on what you need to survive you will stay focus on the main issues like your diabetes and your heart , then you know what needs to be done to avoid being sick everyday or waiting for a heart attack to strike . If you know you overweight , then you know that eating healthy and walking , swimming or exercising can help reduce those risks can help you then use your mind and those sources which you have on hand and do them . Jeannette your problems are more mental than you think . Jorge : Jeannette , I like you , I really like you , it 's been 4 months since we have known each other , you know everything about me and I know everything about you , well almost everything . I want to help you understand that sometimes in life what appears to be real to you may not be , its only real because you have allowed it to be for that moment because you feel its an alternative , being sick is not an alternative , being alive and healthy for your children is , and is a responsibility , living is something to look forward to , if you 're sick you are not good for them because you can 't help them , what are you teaching them ? its negative and a vibe you need to examine and eliminate , only you can do this . Its the advise I offer you for now . Here I am , a change woman , no stress 165 pounds healthier , no longer taking cholesterol medication , my endocrinologist says my sugar levels never looked better I 'm no longer taking insulin as many times as I did before only one time at bedtime 10 units . I am happy . Every day since I met him I have regain my strengths , he has brought joy to our lives , he has made all the wrongs , right and became my voice when I couldn 't speak . I am blessed for having him in our life 's . He has been the light in my darkness shining through , I 'm in a better place because of his love for me . Michael is happy knowing he has someone in his life who he can confide in , someone who understands him most importantly Jorge its there for him whenever he needs him . Michael knows he can speak to him without hesitation about anything and Jorge is always ready to listen . Jorge has become a big part in my Son 's life . He has thought him to be confident and to believe in himself . He has shown him support stands by his side at every given moment . He has become Michael 's closest friend . I always asked myself when will my turn to happiness come ? Then I realized that when God was ready to make my dreams come true , I was going to know . Jorge was part of those dreams , I fell in love again , " real love " . I heard so many people say different things , like ; you trying too hard , he 's not the right man for you , wait for for a sign , you 're too old to start looking for romance , look at your past failures , relationships are not for you , you should wait for your kids to get married and leave . It felt like they were trying to shattered my dreams just because they saw me moving forward with my life , but I knew that this was my time . Sometimes when I happened to be praying or asking God for a solution to my problems or an answer to a question I seek , I looked up at the sky , and I will see these amazing things come out of nowhere … . Take a look … an aurora in mid - day how beautiful is that ? whatever my question was at time it was an answer with this magnificent aurora which developed right before my eyes and I was reassured that I was going to be just fine . The weather that day was beautiful there was no need for an aurora , and it was only around 3 P . M Terry : Don 't worry . I wont mess it up this time , Jorge is staying . He is good to mom , and he is good to you and me . Terry has a strong character , sometimes she can be difficult to even talk to … but Jorge has shown me that no matter how difficult kids can be , taking your time to stop and listen to what they have to say is worth all the time in the world . We need to set time aside from our busy schedules and listen to our children . When you start listening , really listening , they start delivering what you have been asking for a long time . Now moving along … I will like to discuss a subject regarding the Hufftington Post . A certain someone , send out a message this morning which shocked a few people including me and had a some of us shaking our heads … I must say … based on majority of the answers from the people who responded to the said post , I have not seen as many people coming together in one place , like I did this morning … The " ignorance " ( and I apologize but I have to say it was ) on that said post , had a reaction that impacted a lot of people … including me … and people united with their comments , even though the attack of some of the commentators were sort of ugly towards the writer … now that was to be expected when you write something so idiotic without choosing your words … also based on the fact that racism was used … now that 's a huge " You don 't go there " … if you looked at the picture closely the character did not look black , I must agree she looked orange , sort of like an um - pa lumpa from " Willy Wonka and the Chocolate factory " … lol , ( please take no offense ) … and as many people mention this is Halloween and dressing up is a fun thing for many people . I remember when I used to dress - up like wonder - woman as a child and I hardly was able to breath underneath those plastic mask , damn nose wholes were so small … I remember running into the walls could not even see my way around … My cousin pulled the mask away from my face at one point and the rubber band holding the mask together smacked my face so hard I had a nose bleed … those days were fun … I am sure no harm was intended … then again … That was " Life as we know it " once we collected our candy … the mask was off … I went out and played with my lemon twist … times have changed … does anyone remember the click clacks clackers ? those were the best in the 70 's they hurt like hell , but were fun to play with . any ways moving along . We need politics to keep things in place … but what we don 't need is chaos … we have enough to deal with in our lives to continue turning the channels because the News are too chaotic to watch these days , I rather watch movies without commercials or just turn the TV set off rather than to hear the News , there is too much drama going on … too much more than before , then they say ( its going down … look at the numbers , the rates this year are lower than the last ) on what ? crime ? poverty ? homelessness ? child abuse ? domestic violence ? gun violence ? Hit and runs ? animal abuse ? kidnapping ? budget cuts ? rape ? so much more … What Congress needs to know is that the people is honest enough to stand on line on election day and regardless of who they trust to place their Vote for , they do it because they Believe in their word … We Vote because we Believe that you can make it happen if we have you elected and place you in that beautiful white house … We trust you … Weather you win or loose , whose ever team you 're in we still sit there waiting and anticipating to see who gets elected , and hope that we see good changes for the benefit of all human kind …
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I wonder what really captions an audience ? Is it the photographs of exotic places or the weird looking things that are captured on video these days ? I don 't know , whatever it is has the social media nowadays growing at a very fast speed . I 'm going to share a video with you , I love the lyrics as well as these Amazing talented Artists . I think they are awesome ! ! You Rock ! ! I am a writer , a writer of the truth . I take my time to put my words together . I take what I do and say very seriously . I know how to accept criticism as well as sarcasm . I 'm kind and humble , I 'm always willing to lend a hand without any hesitation . I 've been taken advantage of in numerous of occasions only because I think with my heart instead of using my head , but , I 'm writing a separate book for those who have taken that route with me . " what goes around comes around " and then some . I know and understand that in the world of Bloggers and Journalists you either got it or you don 't … you stand tall or you fall … its just the way it goes … that 's a chance we have to take . I love this world . I am happy just to feel my fingers typing , knowing I have something to say and share with you . I 've been writing for so long , I can 't even begin to tell you how many years it 's been . I love this environment , the people who share the same feeling as me should understand how great this feeling is . I love it here because of your great attitudes and positive ways of thinking , we don 't actually have to personally know one another to share the same feelings or appreciate each others work . I love the atmosphere , and how some of you still feel the same way I do about books , we miss the way a book feels when you hold it in your hands , the feel of the pages , the smell . We are Writers , Journalists we love a story just as much as the next person . We love it all ! Pretty simple . For all those who love to dream with your eyes open … It 's possible here … You can be a dreamer , you can be royal , you can wear diamonds or maybe crystals , you can live any fantasy , you don 't come here for money , just to share what you have with the world . Everyone has a story to tell . Everyone wants to spread their wings . So , spread them as far as you can and dream , make those dreams reality . Sometimes we say or do things we wish we hadn 't said or done … Now , the purpose of fixing " whatever those mistakes are " in a commitment / relationship … is not arguing about it … communication its the key … being able to talk without arguing and allowing your partner to speak without interruption , listening to each other and trust . Never repeating the same mistake twice … is learning from it . There are many keys to a healthy relationship and believe me I just found out recently that its the best feeling in the world to know that love is really beautiful and healthy when you have the main ingredients . Just have a little bit of faith , believe in yourself and don 't worry everyone has a reward awaiting for them . Hold yourself up , don 't be afraid to close your eyes , love is waiting for you . Sometimes , the reward is greater than what you expected it to be , it may take longer for delivery but its worth the wait . First , I am grateful to God for loving me and for being alive also for making it though another year , believe me 2013 was a rough one . I am happy because I 'm able to breathe easier and without stress , I am thankful for my beautiful children because they have been the biggest blessing in my life , I 'm thankful for my adoptive parents Melanie and Sid , they have been an inspiration and great support in my life , since they 've been part of my family I can say I know what it feels like to have real parents . ( I love you Mama and Poppa ) . my home which I almost lost , but by the helping hand of God who kept me strong & my family who didn 't leave my side , they brought it back to the way it used to be and by working together as a team getting all the legal paperwork in place , putting the house back into shape inside and out , ( Thank you guys , I am fortunate to have you in my life . ) I was able to regain control of my home and take possession of it . I 'm comfortable now and sleeping safely . Now , God knew what my heart was missing , how so many times I prayed for someone to hold me . I was afraid to let go of my pride and admit I was empty inside , cried myself to sleep almost every night for years wishing I had someone there with me . I had my share of bad relationships in the past and had gave up on love . I was lonely and needed someone to change my life around , I thought that was never going to happen for me . Thank You God for sending me an amazing man who has rescued me from the mess I was in , makes my life complete , when he smiles at me I see love in his eyes . I live the life I always dreamed because of him , he has transformed me from being a negative person , into someone who knows now that anything can happen as long as you believe in yourself . He accepts me for me and respects my opinions , most of all he loves my kids . He was there to help me regain my strengths when I felt I was loosing it all , and kept by my side even after many tried to keep him apart . Thank you . " In Love Again " , is a short story about how I found real love after years of believing it wasn 't possible . One particular part of my life you already know , if you read my book " I am a Survivor " . I can finally say the cycle has been broken . That part of my life no longer exists . I used to fear my past because of the a bitter taste it left me with and falling in love was the last thing on my mind , but when I met Jorge , I looked into his eyes and knew right away he was different . I realized that in order to move on with my life and come back to reality , I needed to make changes and start a new life . I needed to find the way to fill the emptiness I had in my heart . For years I was walking around with half a heart and no one to fill that empty spot , everyone who came around me was negative , bringing nothing but bad energy into my home and around my children . Many tried to open my eyes to what was real in my life , but I just couldn 't see . I needed to start listening to the positive voices around me , instead of the negative ones . Until Jorge started talking to me and began to open my eyes to reality , I didn 't like what I saw , more the less liked what I heard , but coming from him sounded so much different than from anyone else . I noticed that after so long of waiting for a miracle , and hearing everyone who cared about me telling me to be strong , I would make it through my fears , because fear was just , " False Evidence Appearing Real . " in the end the only one left was my true love , telling me I am here to stay . I found a good man , a loving man , someone who I can trust , hold a conversation with and not worry about him telling me I talk too much . He enjoys my company and tells me how beautiful I look all the time , even on my worst days . He freed me from the emptiness and sadness I was living in , bringing me back to the surface and right back to my feet . He has helped me face all my fears , including the fears of loving again , he reminded me of how beautiful love is , breaking those chains that were holding me down so tightly by showing me the meaning of real love and understanding . He showed me that things are only as complicated as I make them seam not as they appear to be , that whatever doesn 't kill me will only make me stronger , never to allow anyone to tell me any different . He thought me to be grateful for being alive and to love every second , every minute of the hour because only I have the power to control my life and the way I feel . He told me be a mother first before I can be a woman and then everything will fall into place , he said that I was the master of my mind , my body and my soul and no one can control who I am . I remember being in my room and for the first time in my life , I am thinking ; what am I doing ? I am going through my clothes and I have nothing to wear . I am only going to the doctors , ( hello therapy , physical therapy ) I need to be wearing some sneakers and sweat pants now ) , and here I am trying to look sexy , It was a pleasant ride to my doctors visit , after getting acquainted with each other there was a sudden silence as we waited by a red light just about 10 minutes to the doctors office , then he spoke . His first questions was ; do you have any children ? I looked at him and smiled , and I said yes , the conversation began there … It was all about the kids , I noticed there was no wedding ring on his finger but of course that doesn 't mean there 's no marriage so I didn 't bother to ask , I wanted to wait a little longer before I ruined the moment of pleasantness , its not all the time you have a nice looking man with a passion to hear great stories about your kids hold a conversation with you . We shared a few laughs and talked about our country foods , the most embarrassing things my kids ever did to me in public and most importantly to him which I noticed right away was , how did I handled it . Before I noticed he was pulling in front of the doctors office , my ride was over . During my therapy section I was eager to finish just to see Jorge again . I wanted to take that ride home with him , I know I sound desperate but it was just the attention and the conversation , his sense of humor , that great feeling I felt when he made me laugh so hard at one point during our ride to the clinic until my stomach hurt , it make my heart jump . The feeling I had when I saw his eyes . I saw kindness , I saw reality . I saw true love for the first time in years . I was done with physical therapy and called to be picked up , I was disappointed not to see Jorge return for me , I was really hoping to see him again . My regular driver came back instead , I was going to ask him what happened with Jorge but I didn 't dare . As I got into the van and buckled my seat belt the driver asked me ; me : He was very polite and friendly , I think we going to get along just fine . What happened to him ? why didn 't he come back to get me ? I was quiet for the rest of the ride home thinking about what my driver has said and trying hard not to ask him any questions about Jorge , I was good enough for me about the volunteer information I had just received and I wanted to leave just like that . As we arrived to my house my driver informed me that Jorge was going to be taking his route from now own which would make him my permanent driver . I didn 't want to show him to excitement I was feeling inside so instead I replied with ; After that day everything stared , I had something to look forward to , although it was going to the doctors all the time at least I knew the company I was in was a pleasant one . Jorge was now picking me up for a few months and I always got to sit in the front seat if there was no one in the van , he takes good care of his patients and treats them with love and compassion , if they are older and cannot seat in the back he tells me , sorry but my co - pilot is coming and I need them right here with me so can you please take the back seat , he always get 's out of the van and opens the door for them , old or young . He never forgets to say " Good Morning " or " Good Afternoon " , " Have a nice day " , and when they are mean and nasty he says " God bless you Papi or Mami " " Hope you have a Great Day " ! ! ! which he hardly ever gets any of those . He loves his job . I will never forget the words Jorge said to me which started the change in my health and made it better . Majority of the people he picks up are older and have major issues . Some can 't even hardly walk , the other half are in wheelchairs . This is what Jorge said ; Jorge : everything . If you can 't love yourself for who you are and accept yourself how would you feel ? you need to change all the things that make you feel sick , all the negative things in your life , get rid of them , look at yourself in the mirror and say yesterday is gone and today is the beginning of a new day and fight for now . If you work on what you need to survive you will stay focus on the main issues like your diabetes and your heart , then you know what needs to be done to avoid being sick everyday or waiting for a heart attack to strike . If you know you overweight , then you know that eating healthy and walking , swimming or exercising can help reduce those risks can help you then use your mind and those sources which you have on hand and do them . Jeannette your problems are more mental than you think . Jorge : Jeannette , I like you , I really like you , it 's been 4 months since we have known each other , you know everything about me and I know everything about you , well almost everything . I want to help you understand that sometimes in life what appears to be real to you may not be , its only real because you have allowed it to be for that moment because you feel its an alternative , being sick is not an alternative , being alive and healthy for your children is , and is a responsibility , living is something to look forward to , if you 're sick you are not good for them because you can 't help them , what are you teaching them ? its negative and a vibe you need to examine and eliminate , only you can do this . Its the advise I offer you for now . Here I am , a change woman , no stress 165 pounds healthier , no longer taking cholesterol medication , my endocrinologist says my sugar levels never looked better I 'm no longer taking insulin as many times as I did before only one time at bedtime 10 units . I am happy . Every day since I met him I have regain my strengths , he has brought joy to our lives , he has made all the wrongs , right and became my voice when I couldn 't speak . I am blessed for having him in our life 's . He has been the light in my darkness shining through , I 'm in a better place because of his love for me . Michael is happy knowing he has someone in his life who he can confide in , someone who understands him most importantly Jorge its there for him whenever he needs him . Michael knows he can speak to him without hesitation about anything and Jorge is always ready to listen . Jorge has become a big part in my Son 's life . He has thought him to be confident and to believe in himself . He has shown him support stands by his side at every given moment . He has become Michael 's closest friend . I always asked myself when will my turn to happiness come ? Then I realized that when God was ready to make my dreams come true , I was going to know . Jorge was part of those dreams , I fell in love again , " real love " . I heard so many people say different things , like ; you trying too hard , he 's not the right man for you , wait for for a sign , you 're too old to start looking for romance , look at your past failures , relationships are not for you , you should wait for your kids to get married and leave . It felt like they were trying to shattered my dreams just because they saw me moving forward with my life , but I knew that this was my time . Sometimes when I happened to be praying or asking God for a solution to my problems or an answer to a question I seek , I looked up at the sky , and I will see these amazing things come out of nowhere … . Take a look … an aurora in mid - day how beautiful is that ? whatever my question was at time it was an answer with this magnificent aurora which developed right before my eyes and I was reassured that I was going to be just fine . The weather that day was beautiful there was no need for an aurora , and it was only around 3 P . M Terry : Don 't worry . I wont mess it up this time , Jorge is staying . He is good to mom , and he is good to you and me . Terry has a strong character , sometimes she can be difficult to even talk to … but Jorge has shown me that no matter how difficult kids can be , taking your time to stop and listen to what they have to say is worth all the time in the world . We need to set time aside from our busy schedules and listen to our children . When you start listening , really listening , they start delivering what you have been asking for a long time . Now moving along … I will like to discuss a subject regarding the Hufftington Post . A certain someone , send out a message this morning which shocked a few people including me and had a some of us shaking our heads … I must say … based on majority of the answers from the people who responded to the said post , I have not seen as many people coming together in one place , like I did this morning … The " ignorance " ( and I apologize but I have to say it was ) on that said post , had a reaction that impacted a lot of people … including me … and people united with their comments , even though the attack of some of the commentators were sort of ugly towards the writer … now that was to be expected when you write something so idiotic without choosing your words … also based on the fact that racism was used … now that 's a huge " You don 't go there " … if you looked at the picture closely the character did not look black , I must agree she looked orange , sort of like an um - pa lumpa from " Willy Wonka and the Chocolate factory " … lol , ( please take no offense ) … and as many people mention this is Halloween and dressing up is a fun thing for many people . I remember when I used to dress - up like wonder - woman as a child and I hardly was able to breath underneath those plastic mask , damn nose wholes were so small … I remember running into the walls could not even see my way around … My cousin pulled the mask away from my face at one point and the rubber band holding the mask together smacked my face so hard I had a nose bleed … those days were fun … I am sure no harm was intended … then again … That was " Life as we know it " once we collected our candy … the mask was off … I went out and played with my lemon twist … times have changed … does anyone remember the click clacks clackers ? those were the best in the 70 's they hurt like hell , but were fun to play with . any ways moving along . We need politics to keep things in place … but what we don 't need is chaos … we have enough to deal with in our lives to continue turning the channels because the News are too chaotic to watch these days , I rather watch movies without commercials or just turn the TV set off rather than to hear the News , there is too much drama going on … too much more than before , then they say ( its going down … look at the numbers , the rates this year are lower than the last ) on what ? crime ? poverty ? homelessness ? child abuse ? domestic violence ? gun violence ? Hit and runs ? animal abuse ? kidnapping ? budget cuts ? rape ? so much more … What Congress needs to know is that the people is honest enough to stand on line on election day and regardless of who they trust to place their Vote for , they do it because they Believe in their word … We Vote because we Believe that you can make it happen if we have you elected and place you in that beautiful white house … We trust you … Weather you win or loose , whose ever team you 're in we still sit there waiting and anticipating to see who gets elected , and hope that we see good changes for the benefit of all human kind …
|
I wonder what really captions an audience ? Is it the photographs of exotic places or the weird looking things that are captured on video these days ? I don 't know , whatever it is has the social media nowadays growing at a very fast speed . I 'm going to share a video with you , I love the lyrics as well as these Amazing talented Artists . I think they are awesome ! ! You Rock ! ! I am a writer , a writer of the truth . I take my time to put my words together . I take what I do and say very seriously . I know how to accept criticism as well as sarcasm . I 'm kind and humble , I 'm always willing to lend a hand without any hesitation . I 've been taken advantage of in numerous of occasions only because I think with my heart instead of using my head , but , I 'm writing a separate book for those who have taken that route with me . " what goes around comes around " and then some . I know and understand that in the world of Bloggers and Journalists you either got it or you don 't … you stand tall or you fall … its just the way it goes … that 's a chance we have to take . I love this world . I am happy just to feel my fingers typing , knowing I have something to say and share with you . I 've been writing for so long , I can 't even begin to tell you how many years it 's been . I love this environment , the people who share the same feeling as me should understand how great this feeling is . I love it here because of your great attitudes and positive ways of thinking , we don 't actually have to personally know one another to share the same feelings or appreciate each others work . I love the atmosphere , and how some of you still feel the same way I do about books , we miss the way a book feels when you hold it in your hands , the feel of the pages , the smell . We are Writers , Journalists we love a story just as much as the next person . We love it all ! Pretty simple . For all those who love to dream with your eyes open … It 's possible here … You can be a dreamer , you can be royal , you can wear diamonds or maybe crystals , you can live any fantasy , you don 't come here for money , just to share what you have with the world . Everyone has a story to tell . Everyone wants to spread their wings . So , spread them as far as you can and dream , make those dreams reality . Sometimes we say or do things we wish we hadn 't said or done … Now , the purpose of fixing " whatever those mistakes are " in a commitment / relationship … is not arguing about it … communication its the key … being able to talk without arguing and allowing your partner to speak without interruption , listening to each other and trust . Never repeating the same mistake twice … is learning from it . There are many keys to a healthy relationship and believe me I just found out recently that its the best feeling in the world to know that love is really beautiful and healthy when you have the main ingredients . Just have a little bit of faith , believe in yourself and don 't worry everyone has a reward awaiting for them . Hold yourself up , don 't be afraid to close your eyes , love is waiting for you . Sometimes , the reward is greater than what you expected it to be , it may take longer for delivery but its worth the wait . First , I am grateful to God for loving me and for being alive also for making it though another year , believe me 2013 was a rough one . I am happy because I 'm able to breathe easier and without stress , I am thankful for my beautiful children because they have been the biggest blessing in my life , I 'm thankful for my adoptive parents Melanie and Sid , they have been an inspiration and great support in my life , since they 've been part of my family I can say I know what it feels like to have real parents . ( I love you Mama and Poppa ) . my home which I almost lost , but by the helping hand of God who kept me strong & my family who didn 't leave my side , they brought it back to the way it used to be and by working together as a team getting all the legal paperwork in place , putting the house back into shape inside and out , ( Thank you guys , I am fortunate to have you in my life . ) I was able to regain control of my home and take possession of it . I 'm comfortable now and sleeping safely . Now , God knew what my heart was missing , how so many times I prayed for someone to hold me . I was afraid to let go of my pride and admit I was empty inside , cried myself to sleep almost every night for years wishing I had someone there with me . I had my share of bad relationships in the past and had gave up on love . I was lonely and needed someone to change my life around , I thought that was never going to happen for me . Thank You God for sending me an amazing man who has rescued me from the mess I was in , makes my life complete , when he smiles at me I see love in his eyes . I live the life I always dreamed because of him , he has transformed me from being a negative person , into someone who knows now that anything can happen as long as you believe in yourself . He accepts me for me and respects my opinions , most of all he loves my kids . He was there to help me regain my strengths when I felt I was loosing it all , and kept by my side even after many tried to keep him apart . Thank you . " In Love Again " , is a short story about how I found real love after years of believing it wasn 't possible . One particular part of my life you already know , if you read my book " I am a Survivor " . I can finally say the cycle has been broken . That part of my life no longer exists . I used to fear my past because of the a bitter taste it left me with and falling in love was the last thing on my mind , but when I met Jorge , I looked into his eyes and knew right away he was different . I realized that in order to move on with my life and come back to reality , I needed to make changes and start a new life . I needed to find the way to fill the emptiness I had in my heart . For years I was walking around with half a heart and no one to fill that empty spot , everyone who came around me was negative , bringing nothing but bad energy into my home and around my children . Many tried to open my eyes to what was real in my life , but I just couldn 't see . I needed to start listening to the positive voices around me , instead of the negative ones . Until Jorge started talking to me and began to open my eyes to reality , I didn 't like what I saw , more the less liked what I heard , but coming from him sounded so much different than from anyone else . I noticed that after so long of waiting for a miracle , and hearing everyone who cared about me telling me to be strong , I would make it through my fears , because fear was just , " False Evidence Appearing Real . " in the end the only one left was my true love , telling me I am here to stay . I found a good man , a loving man , someone who I can trust , hold a conversation with and not worry about him telling me I talk too much . He enjoys my company and tells me how beautiful I look all the time , even on my worst days . He freed me from the emptiness and sadness I was living in , bringing me back to the surface and right back to my feet . He has helped me face all my fears , including the fears of loving again , he reminded me of how beautiful love is , breaking those chains that were holding me down so tightly by showing me the meaning of real love and understanding . He showed me that things are only as complicated as I make them seam not as they appear to be , that whatever doesn 't kill me will only make me stronger , never to allow anyone to tell me any different . He thought me to be grateful for being alive and to love every second , every minute of the hour because only I have the power to control my life and the way I feel . He told me be a mother first before I can be a woman and then everything will fall into place , he said that I was the master of my mind , my body and my soul and no one can control who I am . I remember being in my room and for the first time in my life , I am thinking ; what am I doing ? I am going through my clothes and I have nothing to wear . I am only going to the doctors , ( hello therapy , physical therapy ) I need to be wearing some sneakers and sweat pants now ) , and here I am trying to look sexy , It was a pleasant ride to my doctors visit , after getting acquainted with each other there was a sudden silence as we waited by a red light just about 10 minutes to the doctors office , then he spoke . His first questions was ; do you have any children ? I looked at him and smiled , and I said yes , the conversation began there … It was all about the kids , I noticed there was no wedding ring on his finger but of course that doesn 't mean there 's no marriage so I didn 't bother to ask , I wanted to wait a little longer before I ruined the moment of pleasantness , its not all the time you have a nice looking man with a passion to hear great stories about your kids hold a conversation with you . We shared a few laughs and talked about our country foods , the most embarrassing things my kids ever did to me in public and most importantly to him which I noticed right away was , how did I handled it . Before I noticed he was pulling in front of the doctors office , my ride was over . During my therapy section I was eager to finish just to see Jorge again . I wanted to take that ride home with him , I know I sound desperate but it was just the attention and the conversation , his sense of humor , that great feeling I felt when he made me laugh so hard at one point during our ride to the clinic until my stomach hurt , it make my heart jump . The feeling I had when I saw his eyes . I saw kindness , I saw reality . I saw true love for the first time in years . I was done with physical therapy and called to be picked up , I was disappointed not to see Jorge return for me , I was really hoping to see him again . My regular driver came back instead , I was going to ask him what happened with Jorge but I didn 't dare . As I got into the van and buckled my seat belt the driver asked me ; me : He was very polite and friendly , I think we going to get along just fine . What happened to him ? why didn 't he come back to get me ? I was quiet for the rest of the ride home thinking about what my driver has said and trying hard not to ask him any questions about Jorge , I was good enough for me about the volunteer information I had just received and I wanted to leave just like that . As we arrived to my house my driver informed me that Jorge was going to be taking his route from now own which would make him my permanent driver . I didn 't want to show him to excitement I was feeling inside so instead I replied with ; After that day everything stared , I had something to look forward to , although it was going to the doctors all the time at least I knew the company I was in was a pleasant one . Jorge was now picking me up for a few months and I always got to sit in the front seat if there was no one in the van , he takes good care of his patients and treats them with love and compassion , if they are older and cannot seat in the back he tells me , sorry but my co - pilot is coming and I need them right here with me so can you please take the back seat , he always get 's out of the van and opens the door for them , old or young . He never forgets to say " Good Morning " or " Good Afternoon " , " Have a nice day " , and when they are mean and nasty he says " God bless you Papi or Mami " " Hope you have a Great Day " ! ! ! which he hardly ever gets any of those . He loves his job . I will never forget the words Jorge said to me which started the change in my health and made it better . Majority of the people he picks up are older and have major issues . Some can 't even hardly walk , the other half are in wheelchairs . This is what Jorge said ; Jorge : everything . If you can 't love yourself for who you are and accept yourself how would you feel ? you need to change all the things that make you feel sick , all the negative things in your life , get rid of them , look at yourself in the mirror and say yesterday is gone and today is the beginning of a new day and fight for now . If you work on what you need to survive you will stay focus on the main issues like your diabetes and your heart , then you know what needs to be done to avoid being sick everyday or waiting for a heart attack to strike . If you know you overweight , then you know that eating healthy and walking , swimming or exercising can help reduce those risks can help you then use your mind and those sources which you have on hand and do them . Jeannette your problems are more mental than you think . Jorge : Jeannette , I like you , I really like you , it 's been 4 months since we have known each other , you know everything about me and I know everything about you , well almost everything . I want to help you understand that sometimes in life what appears to be real to you may not be , its only real because you have allowed it to be for that moment because you feel its an alternative , being sick is not an alternative , being alive and healthy for your children is , and is a responsibility , living is something to look forward to , if you 're sick you are not good for them because you can 't help them , what are you teaching them ? its negative and a vibe you need to examine and eliminate , only you can do this . Its the advise I offer you for now . Here I am , a change woman , no stress 165 pounds healthier , no longer taking cholesterol medication , my endocrinologist says my sugar levels never looked better I 'm no longer taking insulin as many times as I did before only one time at bedtime 10 units . I am happy . Every day since I met him I have regain my strengths , he has brought joy to our lives , he has made all the wrongs , right and became my voice when I couldn 't speak . I am blessed for having him in our life 's . He has been the light in my darkness shining through , I 'm in a better place because of his love for me . Michael is happy knowing he has someone in his life who he can confide in , someone who understands him most importantly Jorge its there for him whenever he needs him . Michael knows he can speak to him without hesitation about anything and Jorge is always ready to listen . Jorge has become a big part in my Son 's life . He has thought him to be confident and to believe in himself . He has shown him support stands by his side at every given moment . He has become Michael 's closest friend . I always asked myself when will my turn to happiness come ? Then I realized that when God was ready to make my dreams come true , I was going to know . Jorge was part of those dreams , I fell in love again , " real love " . I heard so many people say different things , like ; you trying too hard , he 's not the right man for you , wait for for a sign , you 're too old to start looking for romance , look at your past failures , relationships are not for you , you should wait for your kids to get married and leave . It felt like they were trying to shattered my dreams just because they saw me moving forward with my life , but I knew that this was my time . Sometimes when I happened to be praying or asking God for a solution to my problems or an answer to a question I seek , I looked up at the sky , and I will see these amazing things come out of nowhere … . Take a look … an aurora in mid - day how beautiful is that ? whatever my question was at time it was an answer with this magnificent aurora which developed right before my eyes and I was reassured that I was going to be just fine . The weather that day was beautiful there was no need for an aurora , and it was only around 3 P . M Terry : Don 't worry . I wont mess it up this time , Jorge is staying . He is good to mom , and he is good to you and me . Terry has a strong character , sometimes she can be difficult to even talk to … but Jorge has shown me that no matter how difficult kids can be , taking your time to stop and listen to what they have to say is worth all the time in the world . We need to set time aside from our busy schedules and listen to our children . When you start listening , really listening , they start delivering what you have been asking for a long time . Now moving along … I will like to discuss a subject regarding the Hufftington Post . A certain someone , send out a message this morning which shocked a few people including me and had a some of us shaking our heads … I must say … based on majority of the answers from the people who responded to the said post , I have not seen as many people coming together in one place , like I did this morning … The " ignorance " ( and I apologize but I have to say it was ) on that said post , had a reaction that impacted a lot of people … including me … and people united with their comments , even though the attack of some of the commentators were sort of ugly towards the writer … now that was to be expected when you write something so idiotic without choosing your words … also based on the fact that racism was used … now that 's a huge " You don 't go there " … if you looked at the picture closely the character did not look black , I must agree she looked orange , sort of like an um - pa lumpa from " Willy Wonka and the Chocolate factory " … lol , ( please take no offense ) … and as many people mention this is Halloween and dressing up is a fun thing for many people . I remember when I used to dress - up like wonder - woman as a child and I hardly was able to breath underneath those plastic mask , damn nose wholes were so small … I remember running into the walls could not even see my way around … My cousin pulled the mask away from my face at one point and the rubber band holding the mask together smacked my face so hard I had a nose bleed … those days were fun … I am sure no harm was intended … then again … That was " Life as we know it " once we collected our candy … the mask was off … I went out and played with my lemon twist … times have changed … does anyone remember the click clacks clackers ? those were the best in the 70 's they hurt like hell , but were fun to play with . any ways moving along . We need politics to keep things in place … but what we don 't need is chaos … we have enough to deal with in our lives to continue turning the channels because the News are too chaotic to watch these days , I rather watch movies without commercials or just turn the TV set off rather than to hear the News , there is too much drama going on … too much more than before , then they say ( its going down … look at the numbers , the rates this year are lower than the last ) on what ? crime ? poverty ? homelessness ? child abuse ? domestic violence ? gun violence ? Hit and runs ? animal abuse ? kidnapping ? budget cuts ? rape ? so much more … What Congress needs to know is that the people is honest enough to stand on line on election day and regardless of who they trust to place their Vote for , they do it because they Believe in their word … We Vote because we Believe that you can make it happen if we have you elected and place you in that beautiful white house … We trust you … Weather you win or loose , whose ever team you 're in we still sit there waiting and anticipating to see who gets elected , and hope that we see good changes for the benefit of all human kind …
|
I wonder what really captions an audience ? Is it the photographs of exotic places or the weird looking things that are captured on video these days ? I don 't know , whatever it is has the social media nowadays growing at a very fast speed . I 'm going to share a video with you , I love the lyrics as well as these Amazing talented Artists . I think they are awesome ! ! You Rock ! ! I am a writer , a writer of the truth . I take my time to put my words together . I take what I do and say very seriously . I know how to accept criticism as well as sarcasm . I 'm kind and humble , I 'm always willing to lend a hand without any hesitation . I 've been taken advantage of in numerous of occasions only because I think with my heart instead of using my head , but , I 'm writing a separate book for those who have taken that route with me . " what goes around comes around " and then some . I know and understand that in the world of Bloggers and Journalists you either got it or you don 't … you stand tall or you fall … its just the way it goes … that 's a chance we have to take . I love this world . I am happy just to feel my fingers typing , knowing I have something to say and share with you . I 've been writing for so long , I can 't even begin to tell you how many years it 's been . I love this environment , the people who share the same feeling as me should understand how great this feeling is . I love it here because of your great attitudes and positive ways of thinking , we don 't actually have to personally know one another to share the same feelings or appreciate each others work . I love the atmosphere , and how some of you still feel the same way I do about books , we miss the way a book feels when you hold it in your hands , the feel of the pages , the smell . We are Writers , Journalists we love a story just as much as the next person . We love it all ! Pretty simple . For all those who love to dream with your eyes open … It 's possible here … You can be a dreamer , you can be royal , you can wear diamonds or maybe crystals , you can live any fantasy , you don 't come here for money , just to share what you have with the world . Everyone has a story to tell . Everyone wants to spread their wings . So , spread them as far as you can and dream , make those dreams reality . Sometimes we say or do things we wish we hadn 't said or done … Now , the purpose of fixing " whatever those mistakes are " in a commitment / relationship … is not arguing about it … communication its the key … being able to talk without arguing and allowing your partner to speak without interruption , listening to each other and trust . Never repeating the same mistake twice … is learning from it . There are many keys to a healthy relationship and believe me I just found out recently that its the best feeling in the world to know that love is really beautiful and healthy when you have the main ingredients . Just have a little bit of faith , believe in yourself and don 't worry everyone has a reward awaiting for them . Hold yourself up , don 't be afraid to close your eyes , love is waiting for you . Sometimes , the reward is greater than what you expected it to be , it may take longer for delivery but its worth the wait . First , I am grateful to God for loving me and for being alive also for making it though another year , believe me 2013 was a rough one . I am happy because I 'm able to breathe easier and without stress , I am thankful for my beautiful children because they have been the biggest blessing in my life , I 'm thankful for my adoptive parents Melanie and Sid , they have been an inspiration and great support in my life , since they 've been part of my family I can say I know what it feels like to have real parents . ( I love you Mama and Poppa ) . my home which I almost lost , but by the helping hand of God who kept me strong & my family who didn 't leave my side , they brought it back to the way it used to be and by working together as a team getting all the legal paperwork in place , putting the house back into shape inside and out , ( Thank you guys , I am fortunate to have you in my life . ) I was able to regain control of my home and take possession of it . I 'm comfortable now and sleeping safely . Now , God knew what my heart was missing , how so many times I prayed for someone to hold me . I was afraid to let go of my pride and admit I was empty inside , cried myself to sleep almost every night for years wishing I had someone there with me . I had my share of bad relationships in the past and had gave up on love . I was lonely and needed someone to change my life around , I thought that was never going to happen for me . Thank You God for sending me an amazing man who has rescued me from the mess I was in , makes my life complete , when he smiles at me I see love in his eyes . I live the life I always dreamed because of him , he has transformed me from being a negative person , into someone who knows now that anything can happen as long as you believe in yourself . He accepts me for me and respects my opinions , most of all he loves my kids . He was there to help me regain my strengths when I felt I was loosing it all , and kept by my side even after many tried to keep him apart . Thank you . " In Love Again " , is a short story about how I found real love after years of believing it wasn 't possible . One particular part of my life you already know , if you read my book " I am a Survivor " . I can finally say the cycle has been broken . That part of my life no longer exists . I used to fear my past because of the a bitter taste it left me with and falling in love was the last thing on my mind , but when I met Jorge , I looked into his eyes and knew right away he was different . I realized that in order to move on with my life and come back to reality , I needed to make changes and start a new life . I needed to find the way to fill the emptiness I had in my heart . For years I was walking around with half a heart and no one to fill that empty spot , everyone who came around me was negative , bringing nothing but bad energy into my home and around my children . Many tried to open my eyes to what was real in my life , but I just couldn 't see . I needed to start listening to the positive voices around me , instead of the negative ones . Until Jorge started talking to me and began to open my eyes to reality , I didn 't like what I saw , more the less liked what I heard , but coming from him sounded so much different than from anyone else . I noticed that after so long of waiting for a miracle , and hearing everyone who cared about me telling me to be strong , I would make it through my fears , because fear was just , " False Evidence Appearing Real . " in the end the only one left was my true love , telling me I am here to stay . I found a good man , a loving man , someone who I can trust , hold a conversation with and not worry about him telling me I talk too much . He enjoys my company and tells me how beautiful I look all the time , even on my worst days . He freed me from the emptiness and sadness I was living in , bringing me back to the surface and right back to my feet . He has helped me face all my fears , including the fears of loving again , he reminded me of how beautiful love is , breaking those chains that were holding me down so tightly by showing me the meaning of real love and understanding . He showed me that things are only as complicated as I make them seam not as they appear to be , that whatever doesn 't kill me will only make me stronger , never to allow anyone to tell me any different . He thought me to be grateful for being alive and to love every second , every minute of the hour because only I have the power to control my life and the way I feel . He told me be a mother first before I can be a woman and then everything will fall into place , he said that I was the master of my mind , my body and my soul and no one can control who I am . I remember being in my room and for the first time in my life , I am thinking ; what am I doing ? I am going through my clothes and I have nothing to wear . I am only going to the doctors , ( hello therapy , physical therapy ) I need to be wearing some sneakers and sweat pants now ) , and here I am trying to look sexy , It was a pleasant ride to my doctors visit , after getting acquainted with each other there was a sudden silence as we waited by a red light just about 10 minutes to the doctors office , then he spoke . His first questions was ; do you have any children ? I looked at him and smiled , and I said yes , the conversation began there … It was all about the kids , I noticed there was no wedding ring on his finger but of course that doesn 't mean there 's no marriage so I didn 't bother to ask , I wanted to wait a little longer before I ruined the moment of pleasantness , its not all the time you have a nice looking man with a passion to hear great stories about your kids hold a conversation with you . We shared a few laughs and talked about our country foods , the most embarrassing things my kids ever did to me in public and most importantly to him which I noticed right away was , how did I handled it . Before I noticed he was pulling in front of the doctors office , my ride was over . During my therapy section I was eager to finish just to see Jorge again . I wanted to take that ride home with him , I know I sound desperate but it was just the attention and the conversation , his sense of humor , that great feeling I felt when he made me laugh so hard at one point during our ride to the clinic until my stomach hurt , it make my heart jump . The feeling I had when I saw his eyes . I saw kindness , I saw reality . I saw true love for the first time in years . I was done with physical therapy and called to be picked up , I was disappointed not to see Jorge return for me , I was really hoping to see him again . My regular driver came back instead , I was going to ask him what happened with Jorge but I didn 't dare . As I got into the van and buckled my seat belt the driver asked me ; me : He was very polite and friendly , I think we going to get along just fine . What happened to him ? why didn 't he come back to get me ? I was quiet for the rest of the ride home thinking about what my driver has said and trying hard not to ask him any questions about Jorge , I was good enough for me about the volunteer information I had just received and I wanted to leave just like that . As we arrived to my house my driver informed me that Jorge was going to be taking his route from now own which would make him my permanent driver . I didn 't want to show him to excitement I was feeling inside so instead I replied with ; After that day everything stared , I had something to look forward to , although it was going to the doctors all the time at least I knew the company I was in was a pleasant one . Jorge was now picking me up for a few months and I always got to sit in the front seat if there was no one in the van , he takes good care of his patients and treats them with love and compassion , if they are older and cannot seat in the back he tells me , sorry but my co - pilot is coming and I need them right here with me so can you please take the back seat , he always get 's out of the van and opens the door for them , old or young . He never forgets to say " Good Morning " or " Good Afternoon " , " Have a nice day " , and when they are mean and nasty he says " God bless you Papi or Mami " " Hope you have a Great Day " ! ! ! which he hardly ever gets any of those . He loves his job . I will never forget the words Jorge said to me which started the change in my health and made it better . Majority of the people he picks up are older and have major issues . Some can 't even hardly walk , the other half are in wheelchairs . This is what Jorge said ; Jorge : everything . If you can 't love yourself for who you are and accept yourself how would you feel ? you need to change all the things that make you feel sick , all the negative things in your life , get rid of them , look at yourself in the mirror and say yesterday is gone and today is the beginning of a new day and fight for now . If you work on what you need to survive you will stay focus on the main issues like your diabetes and your heart , then you know what needs to be done to avoid being sick everyday or waiting for a heart attack to strike . If you know you overweight , then you know that eating healthy and walking , swimming or exercising can help reduce those risks can help you then use your mind and those sources which you have on hand and do them . Jeannette your problems are more mental than you think . Jorge : Jeannette , I like you , I really like you , it 's been 4 months since we have known each other , you know everything about me and I know everything about you , well almost everything . I want to help you understand that sometimes in life what appears to be real to you may not be , its only real because you have allowed it to be for that moment because you feel its an alternative , being sick is not an alternative , being alive and healthy for your children is , and is a responsibility , living is something to look forward to , if you 're sick you are not good for them because you can 't help them , what are you teaching them ? its negative and a vibe you need to examine and eliminate , only you can do this . Its the advise I offer you for now . Here I am , a change woman , no stress 165 pounds healthier , no longer taking cholesterol medication , my endocrinologist says my sugar levels never looked better I 'm no longer taking insulin as many times as I did before only one time at bedtime 10 units . I am happy . Every day since I met him I have regain my strengths , he has brought joy to our lives , he has made all the wrongs , right and became my voice when I couldn 't speak . I am blessed for having him in our life 's . He has been the light in my darkness shining through , I 'm in a better place because of his love for me . Michael is happy knowing he has someone in his life who he can confide in , someone who understands him most importantly Jorge its there for him whenever he needs him . Michael knows he can speak to him without hesitation about anything and Jorge is always ready to listen . Jorge has become a big part in my Son 's life . He has thought him to be confident and to believe in himself . He has shown him support stands by his side at every given moment . He has become Michael 's closest friend . I always asked myself when will my turn to happiness come ? Then I realized that when God was ready to make my dreams come true , I was going to know . Jorge was part of those dreams , I fell in love again , " real love " . I heard so many people say different things , like ; you trying too hard , he 's not the right man for you , wait for for a sign , you 're too old to start looking for romance , look at your past failures , relationships are not for you , you should wait for your kids to get married and leave . It felt like they were trying to shattered my dreams just because they saw me moving forward with my life , but I knew that this was my time . Sometimes when I happened to be praying or asking God for a solution to my problems or an answer to a question I seek , I looked up at the sky , and I will see these amazing things come out of nowhere … . Take a look … an aurora in mid - day how beautiful is that ? whatever my question was at time it was an answer with this magnificent aurora which developed right before my eyes and I was reassured that I was going to be just fine . The weather that day was beautiful there was no need for an aurora , and it was only around 3 P . M Terry : Don 't worry . I wont mess it up this time , Jorge is staying . He is good to mom , and he is good to you and me . Terry has a strong character , sometimes she can be difficult to even talk to … but Jorge has shown me that no matter how difficult kids can be , taking your time to stop and listen to what they have to say is worth all the time in the world . We need to set time aside from our busy schedules and listen to our children . When you start listening , really listening , they start delivering what you have been asking for a long time . Now moving along … I will like to discuss a subject regarding the Hufftington Post . A certain someone , send out a message this morning which shocked a few people including me and had a some of us shaking our heads … I must say … based on majority of the answers from the people who responded to the said post , I have not seen as many people coming together in one place , like I did this morning … The " ignorance " ( and I apologize but I have to say it was ) on that said post , had a reaction that impacted a lot of people … including me … and people united with their comments , even though the attack of some of the commentators were sort of ugly towards the writer … now that was to be expected when you write something so idiotic without choosing your words … also based on the fact that racism was used … now that 's a huge " You don 't go there " … if you looked at the picture closely the character did not look black , I must agree she looked orange , sort of like an um - pa lumpa from " Willy Wonka and the Chocolate factory " … lol , ( please take no offense ) … and as many people mention this is Halloween and dressing up is a fun thing for many people . I remember when I used to dress - up like wonder - woman as a child and I hardly was able to breath underneath those plastic mask , damn nose wholes were so small … I remember running into the walls could not even see my way around … My cousin pulled the mask away from my face at one point and the rubber band holding the mask together smacked my face so hard I had a nose bleed … those days were fun … I am sure no harm was intended … then again … That was " Life as we know it " once we collected our candy … the mask was off … I went out and played with my lemon twist … times have changed … does anyone remember the click clacks clackers ? those were the best in the 70 's they hurt like hell , but were fun to play with . any ways moving along . We need politics to keep things in place … but what we don 't need is chaos … we have enough to deal with in our lives to continue turning the channels because the News are too chaotic to watch these days , I rather watch movies without commercials or just turn the TV set off rather than to hear the News , there is too much drama going on … too much more than before , then they say ( its going down … look at the numbers , the rates this year are lower than the last ) on what ? crime ? poverty ? homelessness ? child abuse ? domestic violence ? gun violence ? Hit and runs ? animal abuse ? kidnapping ? budget cuts ? rape ? so much more … What Congress needs to know is that the people is honest enough to stand on line on election day and regardless of who they trust to place their Vote for , they do it because they Believe in their word … We Vote because we Believe that you can make it happen if we have you elected and place you in that beautiful white house … We trust you … Weather you win or loose , whose ever team you 're in we still sit there waiting and anticipating to see who gets elected , and hope that we see good changes for the benefit of all human kind …
|
I wonder what really captions an audience ? Is it the photographs of exotic places or the weird looking things that are captured on video these days ? I don 't know , whatever it is has the social media nowadays growing at a very fast speed . I 'm going to share a video with you , I love the lyrics as well as these Amazing talented Artists . I think they are awesome ! ! You Rock ! ! I am a writer , a writer of the truth . I take my time to put my words together . I take what I do and say very seriously . I know how to accept criticism as well as sarcasm . I 'm kind and humble , I 'm always willing to lend a hand without any hesitation . I 've been taken advantage of in numerous of occasions only because I think with my heart instead of using my head , but , I 'm writing a separate book for those who have taken that route with me . " what goes around comes around " and then some . I know and understand that in the world of Bloggers and Journalists you either got it or you don 't … you stand tall or you fall … its just the way it goes … that 's a chance we have to take . I love this world . I am happy just to feel my fingers typing , knowing I have something to say and share with you . I 've been writing for so long , I can 't even begin to tell you how many years it 's been . I love this environment , the people who share the same feeling as me should understand how great this feeling is . I love it here because of your great attitudes and positive ways of thinking , we don 't actually have to personally know one another to share the same feelings or appreciate each others work . I love the atmosphere , and how some of you still feel the same way I do about books , we miss the way a book feels when you hold it in your hands , the feel of the pages , the smell . We are Writers , Journalists we love a story just as much as the next person . We love it all ! Pretty simple . For all those who love to dream with your eyes open … It 's possible here … You can be a dreamer , you can be royal , you can wear diamonds or maybe crystals , you can live any fantasy , you don 't come here for money , just to share what you have with the world . Everyone has a story to tell . Everyone wants to spread their wings . So , spread them as far as you can and dream , make those dreams reality . Sometimes we say or do things we wish we hadn 't said or done … Now , the purpose of fixing " whatever those mistakes are " in a commitment / relationship … is not arguing about it … communication its the key … being able to talk without arguing and allowing your partner to speak without interruption , listening to each other and trust . Never repeating the same mistake twice … is learning from it . There are many keys to a healthy relationship and believe me I just found out recently that its the best feeling in the world to know that love is really beautiful and healthy when you have the main ingredients . Just have a little bit of faith , believe in yourself and don 't worry everyone has a reward awaiting for them . Hold yourself up , don 't be afraid to close your eyes , love is waiting for you . Sometimes , the reward is greater than what you expected it to be , it may take longer for delivery but its worth the wait . First , I am grateful to God for loving me and for being alive also for making it though another year , believe me 2013 was a rough one . I am happy because I 'm able to breathe easier and without stress , I am thankful for my beautiful children because they have been the biggest blessing in my life , I 'm thankful for my adoptive parents Melanie and Sid , they have been an inspiration and great support in my life , since they 've been part of my family I can say I know what it feels like to have real parents . ( I love you Mama and Poppa ) . my home which I almost lost , but by the helping hand of God who kept me strong & my family who didn 't leave my side , they brought it back to the way it used to be and by working together as a team getting all the legal paperwork in place , putting the house back into shape inside and out , ( Thank you guys , I am fortunate to have you in my life . ) I was able to regain control of my home and take possession of it . I 'm comfortable now and sleeping safely . Now , God knew what my heart was missing , how so many times I prayed for someone to hold me . I was afraid to let go of my pride and admit I was empty inside , cried myself to sleep almost every night for years wishing I had someone there with me . I had my share of bad relationships in the past and had gave up on love . I was lonely and needed someone to change my life around , I thought that was never going to happen for me . Thank You God for sending me an amazing man who has rescued me from the mess I was in , makes my life complete , when he smiles at me I see love in his eyes . I live the life I always dreamed because of him , he has transformed me from being a negative person , into someone who knows now that anything can happen as long as you believe in yourself . He accepts me for me and respects my opinions , most of all he loves my kids . He was there to help me regain my strengths when I felt I was loosing it all , and kept by my side even after many tried to keep him apart . Thank you . " In Love Again " , is a short story about how I found real love after years of believing it wasn 't possible . One particular part of my life you already know , if you read my book " I am a Survivor " . I can finally say the cycle has been broken . That part of my life no longer exists . I used to fear my past because of the a bitter taste it left me with and falling in love was the last thing on my mind , but when I met Jorge , I looked into his eyes and knew right away he was different . I realized that in order to move on with my life and come back to reality , I needed to make changes and start a new life . I needed to find the way to fill the emptiness I had in my heart . For years I was walking around with half a heart and no one to fill that empty spot , everyone who came around me was negative , bringing nothing but bad energy into my home and around my children . Many tried to open my eyes to what was real in my life , but I just couldn 't see . I needed to start listening to the positive voices around me , instead of the negative ones . Until Jorge started talking to me and began to open my eyes to reality , I didn 't like what I saw , more the less liked what I heard , but coming from him sounded so much different than from anyone else . I noticed that after so long of waiting for a miracle , and hearing everyone who cared about me telling me to be strong , I would make it through my fears , because fear was just , " False Evidence Appearing Real . " in the end the only one left was my true love , telling me I am here to stay . I found a good man , a loving man , someone who I can trust , hold a conversation with and not worry about him telling me I talk too much . He enjoys my company and tells me how beautiful I look all the time , even on my worst days . He freed me from the emptiness and sadness I was living in , bringing me back to the surface and right back to my feet . He has helped me face all my fears , including the fears of loving again , he reminded me of how beautiful love is , breaking those chains that were holding me down so tightly by showing me the meaning of real love and understanding . He showed me that things are only as complicated as I make them seam not as they appear to be , that whatever doesn 't kill me will only make me stronger , never to allow anyone to tell me any different . He thought me to be grateful for being alive and to love every second , every minute of the hour because only I have the power to control my life and the way I feel . He told me be a mother first before I can be a woman and then everything will fall into place , he said that I was the master of my mind , my body and my soul and no one can control who I am . I remember being in my room and for the first time in my life , I am thinking ; what am I doing ? I am going through my clothes and I have nothing to wear . I am only going to the doctors , ( hello therapy , physical therapy ) I need to be wearing some sneakers and sweat pants now ) , and here I am trying to look sexy , It was a pleasant ride to my doctors visit , after getting acquainted with each other there was a sudden silence as we waited by a red light just about 10 minutes to the doctors office , then he spoke . His first questions was ; do you have any children ? I looked at him and smiled , and I said yes , the conversation began there … It was all about the kids , I noticed there was no wedding ring on his finger but of course that doesn 't mean there 's no marriage so I didn 't bother to ask , I wanted to wait a little longer before I ruined the moment of pleasantness , its not all the time you have a nice looking man with a passion to hear great stories about your kids hold a conversation with you . We shared a few laughs and talked about our country foods , the most embarrassing things my kids ever did to me in public and most importantly to him which I noticed right away was , how did I handled it . Before I noticed he was pulling in front of the doctors office , my ride was over . During my therapy section I was eager to finish just to see Jorge again . I wanted to take that ride home with him , I know I sound desperate but it was just the attention and the conversation , his sense of humor , that great feeling I felt when he made me laugh so hard at one point during our ride to the clinic until my stomach hurt , it make my heart jump . The feeling I had when I saw his eyes . I saw kindness , I saw reality . I saw true love for the first time in years . I was done with physical therapy and called to be picked up , I was disappointed not to see Jorge return for me , I was really hoping to see him again . My regular driver came back instead , I was going to ask him what happened with Jorge but I didn 't dare . As I got into the van and buckled my seat belt the driver asked me ; me : He was very polite and friendly , I think we going to get along just fine . What happened to him ? why didn 't he come back to get me ? I was quiet for the rest of the ride home thinking about what my driver has said and trying hard not to ask him any questions about Jorge , I was good enough for me about the volunteer information I had just received and I wanted to leave just like that . As we arrived to my house my driver informed me that Jorge was going to be taking his route from now own which would make him my permanent driver . I didn 't want to show him to excitement I was feeling inside so instead I replied with ; After that day everything stared , I had something to look forward to , although it was going to the doctors all the time at least I knew the company I was in was a pleasant one . Jorge was now picking me up for a few months and I always got to sit in the front seat if there was no one in the van , he takes good care of his patients and treats them with love and compassion , if they are older and cannot seat in the back he tells me , sorry but my co - pilot is coming and I need them right here with me so can you please take the back seat , he always get 's out of the van and opens the door for them , old or young . He never forgets to say " Good Morning " or " Good Afternoon " , " Have a nice day " , and when they are mean and nasty he says " God bless you Papi or Mami " " Hope you have a Great Day " ! ! ! which he hardly ever gets any of those . He loves his job . I will never forget the words Jorge said to me which started the change in my health and made it better . Majority of the people he picks up are older and have major issues . Some can 't even hardly walk , the other half are in wheelchairs . This is what Jorge said ; Jorge : everything . If you can 't love yourself for who you are and accept yourself how would you feel ? you need to change all the things that make you feel sick , all the negative things in your life , get rid of them , look at yourself in the mirror and say yesterday is gone and today is the beginning of a new day and fight for now . If you work on what you need to survive you will stay focus on the main issues like your diabetes and your heart , then you know what needs to be done to avoid being sick everyday or waiting for a heart attack to strike . If you know you overweight , then you know that eating healthy and walking , swimming or exercising can help reduce those risks can help you then use your mind and those sources which you have on hand and do them . Jeannette your problems are more mental than you think . Jorge : Jeannette , I like you , I really like you , it 's been 4 months since we have known each other , you know everything about me and I know everything about you , well almost everything . I want to help you understand that sometimes in life what appears to be real to you may not be , its only real because you have allowed it to be for that moment because you feel its an alternative , being sick is not an alternative , being alive and healthy for your children is , and is a responsibility , living is something to look forward to , if you 're sick you are not good for them because you can 't help them , what are you teaching them ? its negative and a vibe you need to examine and eliminate , only you can do this . Its the advise I offer you for now . Here I am , a change woman , no stress 165 pounds healthier , no longer taking cholesterol medication , my endocrinologist says my sugar levels never looked better I 'm no longer taking insulin as many times as I did before only one time at bedtime 10 units . I am happy . Every day since I met him I have regain my strengths , he has brought joy to our lives , he has made all the wrongs , right and became my voice when I couldn 't speak . I am blessed for having him in our life 's . He has been the light in my darkness shining through , I 'm in a better place because of his love for me . Michael is happy knowing he has someone in his life who he can confide in , someone who understands him most importantly Jorge its there for him whenever he needs him . Michael knows he can speak to him without hesitation about anything and Jorge is always ready to listen . Jorge has become a big part in my Son 's life . He has thought him to be confident and to believe in himself . He has shown him support stands by his side at every given moment . He has become Michael 's closest friend . I always asked myself when will my turn to happiness come ? Then I realized that when God was ready to make my dreams come true , I was going to know . Jorge was part of those dreams , I fell in love again , " real love " . I heard so many people say different things , like ; you trying too hard , he 's not the right man for you , wait for for a sign , you 're too old to start looking for romance , look at your past failures , relationships are not for you , you should wait for your kids to get married and leave . It felt like they were trying to shattered my dreams just because they saw me moving forward with my life , but I knew that this was my time . Sometimes when I happened to be praying or asking God for a solution to my problems or an answer to a question I seek , I looked up at the sky , and I will see these amazing things come out of nowhere … . Take a look … an aurora in mid - day how beautiful is that ? whatever my question was at time it was an answer with this magnificent aurora which developed right before my eyes and I was reassured that I was going to be just fine . The weather that day was beautiful there was no need for an aurora , and it was only around 3 P . M Terry : Don 't worry . I wont mess it up this time , Jorge is staying . He is good to mom , and he is good to you and me . Terry has a strong character , sometimes she can be difficult to even talk to … but Jorge has shown me that no matter how difficult kids can be , taking your time to stop and listen to what they have to say is worth all the time in the world . We need to set time aside from our busy schedules and listen to our children . When you start listening , really listening , they start delivering what you have been asking for a long time . Now moving along … I will like to discuss a subject regarding the Hufftington Post . A certain someone , send out a message this morning which shocked a few people including me and had a some of us shaking our heads … I must say … based on majority of the answers from the people who responded to the said post , I have not seen as many people coming together in one place , like I did this morning … The " ignorance " ( and I apologize but I have to say it was ) on that said post , had a reaction that impacted a lot of people … including me … and people united with their comments , even though the attack of some of the commentators were sort of ugly towards the writer … now that was to be expected when you write something so idiotic without choosing your words … also based on the fact that racism was used … now that 's a huge " You don 't go there " … if you looked at the picture closely the character did not look black , I must agree she looked orange , sort of like an um - pa lumpa from " Willy Wonka and the Chocolate factory " … lol , ( please take no offense ) … and as many people mention this is Halloween and dressing up is a fun thing for many people . I remember when I used to dress - up like wonder - woman as a child and I hardly was able to breath underneath those plastic mask , damn nose wholes were so small … I remember running into the walls could not even see my way around … My cousin pulled the mask away from my face at one point and the rubber band holding the mask together smacked my face so hard I had a nose bleed … those days were fun … I am sure no harm was intended … then again … That was " Life as we know it " once we collected our candy … the mask was off … I went out and played with my lemon twist … times have changed … does anyone remember the click clacks clackers ? those were the best in the 70 's they hurt like hell , but were fun to play with . any ways moving along . We need politics to keep things in place … but what we don 't need is chaos … we have enough to deal with in our lives to continue turning the channels because the News are too chaotic to watch these days , I rather watch movies without commercials or just turn the TV set off rather than to hear the News , there is too much drama going on … too much more than before , then they say ( its going down … look at the numbers , the rates this year are lower than the last ) on what ? crime ? poverty ? homelessness ? child abuse ? domestic violence ? gun violence ? Hit and runs ? animal abuse ? kidnapping ? budget cuts ? rape ? so much more … What Congress needs to know is that the people is honest enough to stand on line on election day and regardless of who they trust to place their Vote for , they do it because they Believe in their word … We Vote because we Believe that you can make it happen if we have you elected and place you in that beautiful white house … We trust you … Weather you win or loose , whose ever team you 're in we still sit there waiting and anticipating to see who gets elected , and hope that we see good changes for the benefit of all human kind …
|
I wonder what really captions an audience ? Is it the photographs of exotic places or the weird looking things that are captured on video these days ? I don 't know , whatever it is has the social media nowadays growing at a very fast speed . I 'm going to share a video with you , I love the lyrics as well as these Amazing talented Artists . I think they are awesome ! ! You Rock ! ! I am a writer , a writer of the truth . I take my time to put my words together . I take what I do and say very seriously . I know how to accept criticism as well as sarcasm . I 'm kind and humble , I 'm always willing to lend a hand without any hesitation . I 've been taken advantage of in numerous of occasions only because I think with my heart instead of using my head , but , I 'm writing a separate book for those who have taken that route with me . " what goes around comes around " and then some . I know and understand that in the world of Bloggers and Journalists you either got it or you don 't … you stand tall or you fall … its just the way it goes … that 's a chance we have to take . I love this world . I am happy just to feel my fingers typing , knowing I have something to say and share with you . I 've been writing for so long , I can 't even begin to tell you how many years it 's been . I love this environment , the people who share the same feeling as me should understand how great this feeling is . I love it here because of your great attitudes and positive ways of thinking , we don 't actually have to personally know one another to share the same feelings or appreciate each others work . I love the atmosphere , and how some of you still feel the same way I do about books , we miss the way a book feels when you hold it in your hands , the feel of the pages , the smell . We are Writers , Journalists we love a story just as much as the next person . We love it all ! Pretty simple . For all those who love to dream with your eyes open … It 's possible here … You can be a dreamer , you can be royal , you can wear diamonds or maybe crystals , you can live any fantasy , you don 't come here for money , just to share what you have with the world . Everyone has a story to tell . Everyone wants to spread their wings . So , spread them as far as you can and dream , make those dreams reality . Sometimes we say or do things we wish we hadn 't said or done … Now , the purpose of fixing " whatever those mistakes are " in a commitment / relationship … is not arguing about it … communication its the key … being able to talk without arguing and allowing your partner to speak without interruption , listening to each other and trust . Never repeating the same mistake twice … is learning from it . There are many keys to a healthy relationship and believe me I just found out recently that its the best feeling in the world to know that love is really beautiful and healthy when you have the main ingredients . Just have a little bit of faith , believe in yourself and don 't worry everyone has a reward awaiting for them . Hold yourself up , don 't be afraid to close your eyes , love is waiting for you . Sometimes , the reward is greater than what you expected it to be , it may take longer for delivery but its worth the wait . First , I am grateful to God for loving me and for being alive also for making it though another year , believe me 2013 was a rough one . I am happy because I 'm able to breathe easier and without stress , I am thankful for my beautiful children because they have been the biggest blessing in my life , I 'm thankful for my adoptive parents Melanie and Sid , they have been an inspiration and great support in my life , since they 've been part of my family I can say I know what it feels like to have real parents . ( I love you Mama and Poppa ) . my home which I almost lost , but by the helping hand of God who kept me strong & my family who didn 't leave my side , they brought it back to the way it used to be and by working together as a team getting all the legal paperwork in place , putting the house back into shape inside and out , ( Thank you guys , I am fortunate to have you in my life . ) I was able to regain control of my home and take possession of it . I 'm comfortable now and sleeping safely . Now , God knew what my heart was missing , how so many times I prayed for someone to hold me . I was afraid to let go of my pride and admit I was empty inside , cried myself to sleep almost every night for years wishing I had someone there with me . I had my share of bad relationships in the past and had gave up on love . I was lonely and needed someone to change my life around , I thought that was never going to happen for me . Thank You God for sending me an amazing man who has rescued me from the mess I was in , makes my life complete , when he smiles at me I see love in his eyes . I live the life I always dreamed because of him , he has transformed me from being a negative person , into someone who knows now that anything can happen as long as you believe in yourself . He accepts me for me and respects my opinions , most of all he loves my kids . He was there to help me regain my strengths when I felt I was loosing it all , and kept by my side even after many tried to keep him apart . Thank you . " In Love Again " , is a short story about how I found real love after years of believing it wasn 't possible . One particular part of my life you already know , if you read my book " I am a Survivor " . I can finally say the cycle has been broken . That part of my life no longer exists . I used to fear my past because of the a bitter taste it left me with and falling in love was the last thing on my mind , but when I met Jorge , I looked into his eyes and knew right away he was different . I realized that in order to move on with my life and come back to reality , I needed to make changes and start a new life . I needed to find the way to fill the emptiness I had in my heart . For years I was walking around with half a heart and no one to fill that empty spot , everyone who came around me was negative , bringing nothing but bad energy into my home and around my children . Many tried to open my eyes to what was real in my life , but I just couldn 't see . I needed to start listening to the positive voices around me , instead of the negative ones . Until Jorge started talking to me and began to open my eyes to reality , I didn 't like what I saw , more the less liked what I heard , but coming from him sounded so much different than from anyone else . I noticed that after so long of waiting for a miracle , and hearing everyone who cared about me telling me to be strong , I would make it through my fears , because fear was just , " False Evidence Appearing Real . " in the end the only one left was my true love , telling me I am here to stay . I found a good man , a loving man , someone who I can trust , hold a conversation with and not worry about him telling me I talk too much . He enjoys my company and tells me how beautiful I look all the time , even on my worst days . He freed me from the emptiness and sadness I was living in , bringing me back to the surface and right back to my feet . He has helped me face all my fears , including the fears of loving again , he reminded me of how beautiful love is , breaking those chains that were holding me down so tightly by showing me the meaning of real love and understanding . He showed me that things are only as complicated as I make them seam not as they appear to be , that whatever doesn 't kill me will only make me stronger , never to allow anyone to tell me any different . He thought me to be grateful for being alive and to love every second , every minute of the hour because only I have the power to control my life and the way I feel . He told me be a mother first before I can be a woman and then everything will fall into place , he said that I was the master of my mind , my body and my soul and no one can control who I am . I remember being in my room and for the first time in my life , I am thinking ; what am I doing ? I am going through my clothes and I have nothing to wear . I am only going to the doctors , ( hello therapy , physical therapy ) I need to be wearing some sneakers and sweat pants now ) , and here I am trying to look sexy , It was a pleasant ride to my doctors visit , after getting acquainted with each other there was a sudden silence as we waited by a red light just about 10 minutes to the doctors office , then he spoke . His first questions was ; do you have any children ? I looked at him and smiled , and I said yes , the conversation began there … It was all about the kids , I noticed there was no wedding ring on his finger but of course that doesn 't mean there 's no marriage so I didn 't bother to ask , I wanted to wait a little longer before I ruined the moment of pleasantness , its not all the time you have a nice looking man with a passion to hear great stories about your kids hold a conversation with you . We shared a few laughs and talked about our country foods , the most embarrassing things my kids ever did to me in public and most importantly to him which I noticed right away was , how did I handled it . Before I noticed he was pulling in front of the doctors office , my ride was over . During my therapy section I was eager to finish just to see Jorge again . I wanted to take that ride home with him , I know I sound desperate but it was just the attention and the conversation , his sense of humor , that great feeling I felt when he made me laugh so hard at one point during our ride to the clinic until my stomach hurt , it make my heart jump . The feeling I had when I saw his eyes . I saw kindness , I saw reality . I saw true love for the first time in years . I was done with physical therapy and called to be picked up , I was disappointed not to see Jorge return for me , I was really hoping to see him again . My regular driver came back instead , I was going to ask him what happened with Jorge but I didn 't dare . As I got into the van and buckled my seat belt the driver asked me ; me : He was very polite and friendly , I think we going to get along just fine . What happened to him ? why didn 't he come back to get me ? I was quiet for the rest of the ride home thinking about what my driver has said and trying hard not to ask him any questions about Jorge , I was good enough for me about the volunteer information I had just received and I wanted to leave just like that . As we arrived to my house my driver informed me that Jorge was going to be taking his route from now own which would make him my permanent driver . I didn 't want to show him to excitement I was feeling inside so instead I replied with ; After that day everything stared , I had something to look forward to , although it was going to the doctors all the time at least I knew the company I was in was a pleasant one . Jorge was now picking me up for a few months and I always got to sit in the front seat if there was no one in the van , he takes good care of his patients and treats them with love and compassion , if they are older and cannot seat in the back he tells me , sorry but my co - pilot is coming and I need them right here with me so can you please take the back seat , he always get 's out of the van and opens the door for them , old or young . He never forgets to say " Good Morning " or " Good Afternoon " , " Have a nice day " , and when they are mean and nasty he says " God bless you Papi or Mami " " Hope you have a Great Day " ! ! ! which he hardly ever gets any of those . He loves his job . I will never forget the words Jorge said to me which started the change in my health and made it better . Majority of the people he picks up are older and have major issues . Some can 't even hardly walk , the other half are in wheelchairs . This is what Jorge said ; Jorge : everything . If you can 't love yourself for who you are and accept yourself how would you feel ? you need to change all the things that make you feel sick , all the negative things in your life , get rid of them , look at yourself in the mirror and say yesterday is gone and today is the beginning of a new day and fight for now . If you work on what you need to survive you will stay focus on the main issues like your diabetes and your heart , then you know what needs to be done to avoid being sick everyday or waiting for a heart attack to strike . If you know you overweight , then you know that eating healthy and walking , swimming or exercising can help reduce those risks can help you then use your mind and those sources which you have on hand and do them . Jeannette your problems are more mental than you think . Jorge : Jeannette , I like you , I really like you , it 's been 4 months since we have known each other , you know everything about me and I know everything about you , well almost everything . I want to help you understand that sometimes in life what appears to be real to you may not be , its only real because you have allowed it to be for that moment because you feel its an alternative , being sick is not an alternative , being alive and healthy for your children is , and is a responsibility , living is something to look forward to , if you 're sick you are not good for them because you can 't help them , what are you teaching them ? its negative and a vibe you need to examine and eliminate , only you can do this . Its the advise I offer you for now . Here I am , a change woman , no stress 165 pounds healthier , no longer taking cholesterol medication , my endocrinologist says my sugar levels never looked better I 'm no longer taking insulin as many times as I did before only one time at bedtime 10 units . I am happy . Every day since I met him I have regain my strengths , he has brought joy to our lives , he has made all the wrongs , right and became my voice when I couldn 't speak . I am blessed for having him in our life 's . He has been the light in my darkness shining through , I 'm in a better place because of his love for me . Michael is happy knowing he has someone in his life who he can confide in , someone who understands him most importantly Jorge its there for him whenever he needs him . Michael knows he can speak to him without hesitation about anything and Jorge is always ready to listen . Jorge has become a big part in my Son 's life . He has thought him to be confident and to believe in himself . He has shown him support stands by his side at every given moment . He has become Michael 's closest friend . I always asked myself when will my turn to happiness come ? Then I realized that when God was ready to make my dreams come true , I was going to know . Jorge was part of those dreams , I fell in love again , " real love " . I heard so many people say different things , like ; you trying too hard , he 's not the right man for you , wait for for a sign , you 're too old to start looking for romance , look at your past failures , relationships are not for you , you should wait for your kids to get married and leave . It felt like they were trying to shattered my dreams just because they saw me moving forward with my life , but I knew that this was my time . Sometimes when I happened to be praying or asking God for a solution to my problems or an answer to a question I seek , I looked up at the sky , and I will see these amazing things come out of nowhere … . Take a look … an aurora in mid - day how beautiful is that ? whatever my question was at time it was an answer with this magnificent aurora which developed right before my eyes and I was reassured that I was going to be just fine . The weather that day was beautiful there was no need for an aurora , and it was only around 3 P . M Terry : Don 't worry . I wont mess it up this time , Jorge is staying . He is good to mom , and he is good to you and me . Terry has a strong character , sometimes she can be difficult to even talk to … but Jorge has shown me that no matter how difficult kids can be , taking your time to stop and listen to what they have to say is worth all the time in the world . We need to set time aside from our busy schedules and listen to our children . When you start listening , really listening , they start delivering what you have been asking for a long time . Now moving along … I will like to discuss a subject regarding the Hufftington Post . A certain someone , send out a message this morning which shocked a few people including me and had a some of us shaking our heads … I must say … based on majority of the answers from the people who responded to the said post , I have not seen as many people coming together in one place , like I did this morning … The " ignorance " ( and I apologize but I have to say it was ) on that said post , had a reaction that impacted a lot of people … including me … and people united with their comments , even though the attack of some of the commentators were sort of ugly towards the writer … now that was to be expected when you write something so idiotic without choosing your words … also based on the fact that racism was used … now that 's a huge " You don 't go there " … if you looked at the picture closely the character did not look black , I must agree she looked orange , sort of like an um - pa lumpa from " Willy Wonka and the Chocolate factory " … lol , ( please take no offense ) … and as many people mention this is Halloween and dressing up is a fun thing for many people . I remember when I used to dress - up like wonder - woman as a child and I hardly was able to breath underneath those plastic mask , damn nose wholes were so small … I remember running into the walls could not even see my way around … My cousin pulled the mask away from my face at one point and the rubber band holding the mask together smacked my face so hard I had a nose bleed … those days were fun … I am sure no harm was intended … then again … That was " Life as we know it " once we collected our candy … the mask was off … I went out and played with my lemon twist … times have changed … does anyone remember the click clacks clackers ? those were the best in the 70 's they hurt like hell , but were fun to play with . any ways moving along . We need politics to keep things in place … but what we don 't need is chaos … we have enough to deal with in our lives to continue turning the channels because the News are too chaotic to watch these days , I rather watch movies without commercials or just turn the TV set off rather than to hear the News , there is too much drama going on … too much more than before , then they say ( its going down … look at the numbers , the rates this year are lower than the last ) on what ? crime ? poverty ? homelessness ? child abuse ? domestic violence ? gun violence ? Hit and runs ? animal abuse ? kidnapping ? budget cuts ? rape ? so much more … What Congress needs to know is that the people is honest enough to stand on line on election day and regardless of who they trust to place their Vote for , they do it because they Believe in their word … We Vote because we Believe that you can make it happen if we have you elected and place you in that beautiful white house … We trust you … Weather you win or loose , whose ever team you 're in we still sit there waiting and anticipating to see who gets elected , and hope that we see good changes for the benefit of all human kind …
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I wonder what really captions an audience ? Is it the photographs of exotic places or the weird looking things that are captured on video these days ? I don 't know , whatever it is has the social media nowadays growing at a very fast speed . I 'm going to share a video with you , I love the lyrics as well as these Amazing talented Artists . I think they are awesome ! ! You Rock ! ! I am a writer , a writer of the truth . I take my time to put my words together . I take what I do and say very seriously . I know how to accept criticism as well as sarcasm . I 'm kind and humble , I 'm always willing to lend a hand without any hesitation . I 've been taken advantage of in numerous of occasions only because I think with my heart instead of using my head , but , I 'm writing a separate book for those who have taken that route with me . " what goes around comes around " and then some . I know and understand that in the world of Bloggers and Journalists you either got it or you don 't … you stand tall or you fall … its just the way it goes … that 's a chance we have to take . I love this world . I am happy just to feel my fingers typing , knowing I have something to say and share with you . I 've been writing for so long , I can 't even begin to tell you how many years it 's been . I love this environment , the people who share the same feeling as me should understand how great this feeling is . I love it here because of your great attitudes and positive ways of thinking , we don 't actually have to personally know one another to share the same feelings or appreciate each others work . I love the atmosphere , and how some of you still feel the same way I do about books , we miss the way a book feels when you hold it in your hands , the feel of the pages , the smell . We are Writers , Journalists we love a story just as much as the next person . We love it all ! Pretty simple . For all those who love to dream with your eyes open … It 's possible here … You can be a dreamer , you can be royal , you can wear diamonds or maybe crystals , you can live any fantasy , you don 't come here for money , just to share what you have with the world . Everyone has a story to tell . Everyone wants to spread their wings . So , spread them as far as you can and dream , make those dreams reality . Sometimes we say or do things we wish we hadn 't said or done … Now , the purpose of fixing " whatever those mistakes are " in a commitment / relationship … is not arguing about it … communication its the key … being able to talk without arguing and allowing your partner to speak without interruption , listening to each other and trust . Never repeating the same mistake twice … is learning from it . There are many keys to a healthy relationship and believe me I just found out recently that its the best feeling in the world to know that love is really beautiful and healthy when you have the main ingredients . Just have a little bit of faith , believe in yourself and don 't worry everyone has a reward awaiting for them . Hold yourself up , don 't be afraid to close your eyes , love is waiting for you . Sometimes , the reward is greater than what you expected it to be , it may take longer for delivery but its worth the wait . First , I am grateful to God for loving me and for being alive also for making it though another year , believe me 2013 was a rough one . I am happy because I 'm able to breathe easier and without stress , I am thankful for my beautiful children because they have been the biggest blessing in my life , I 'm thankful for my adoptive parents Melanie and Sid , they have been an inspiration and great support in my life , since they 've been part of my family I can say I know what it feels like to have real parents . ( I love you Mama and Poppa ) . my home which I almost lost , but by the helping hand of God who kept me strong & my family who didn 't leave my side , they brought it back to the way it used to be and by working together as a team getting all the legal paperwork in place , putting the house back into shape inside and out , ( Thank you guys , I am fortunate to have you in my life . ) I was able to regain control of my home and take possession of it . I 'm comfortable now and sleeping safely . Now , God knew what my heart was missing , how so many times I prayed for someone to hold me . I was afraid to let go of my pride and admit I was empty inside , cried myself to sleep almost every night for years wishing I had someone there with me . I had my share of bad relationships in the past and had gave up on love . I was lonely and needed someone to change my life around , I thought that was never going to happen for me . Thank You God for sending me an amazing man who has rescued me from the mess I was in , makes my life complete , when he smiles at me I see love in his eyes . I live the life I always dreamed because of him , he has transformed me from being a negative person , into someone who knows now that anything can happen as long as you believe in yourself . He accepts me for me and respects my opinions , most of all he loves my kids . He was there to help me regain my strengths when I felt I was loosing it all , and kept by my side even after many tried to keep him apart . Thank you . " In Love Again " , is a short story about how I found real love after years of believing it wasn 't possible . One particular part of my life you already know , if you read my book " I am a Survivor " . I can finally say the cycle has been broken . That part of my life no longer exists . I used to fear my past because of the a bitter taste it left me with and falling in love was the last thing on my mind , but when I met Jorge , I looked into his eyes and knew right away he was different . I realized that in order to move on with my life and come back to reality , I needed to make changes and start a new life . I needed to find the way to fill the emptiness I had in my heart . For years I was walking around with half a heart and no one to fill that empty spot , everyone who came around me was negative , bringing nothing but bad energy into my home and around my children . Many tried to open my eyes to what was real in my life , but I just couldn 't see . I needed to start listening to the positive voices around me , instead of the negative ones . Until Jorge started talking to me and began to open my eyes to reality , I didn 't like what I saw , more the less liked what I heard , but coming from him sounded so much different than from anyone else . I noticed that after so long of waiting for a miracle , and hearing everyone who cared about me telling me to be strong , I would make it through my fears , because fear was just , " False Evidence Appearing Real . " in the end the only one left was my true love , telling me I am here to stay . I found a good man , a loving man , someone who I can trust , hold a conversation with and not worry about him telling me I talk too much . He enjoys my company and tells me how beautiful I look all the time , even on my worst days . He freed me from the emptiness and sadness I was living in , bringing me back to the surface and right back to my feet . He has helped me face all my fears , including the fears of loving again , he reminded me of how beautiful love is , breaking those chains that were holding me down so tightly by showing me the meaning of real love and understanding . He showed me that things are only as complicated as I make them seam not as they appear to be , that whatever doesn 't kill me will only make me stronger , never to allow anyone to tell me any different . He thought me to be grateful for being alive and to love every second , every minute of the hour because only I have the power to control my life and the way I feel . He told me be a mother first before I can be a woman and then everything will fall into place , he said that I was the master of my mind , my body and my soul and no one can control who I am . I remember being in my room and for the first time in my life , I am thinking ; what am I doing ? I am going through my clothes and I have nothing to wear . I am only going to the doctors , ( hello therapy , physical therapy ) I need to be wearing some sneakers and sweat pants now ) , and here I am trying to look sexy , It was a pleasant ride to my doctors visit , after getting acquainted with each other there was a sudden silence as we waited by a red light just about 10 minutes to the doctors office , then he spoke . His first questions was ; do you have any children ? I looked at him and smiled , and I said yes , the conversation began there … It was all about the kids , I noticed there was no wedding ring on his finger but of course that doesn 't mean there 's no marriage so I didn 't bother to ask , I wanted to wait a little longer before I ruined the moment of pleasantness , its not all the time you have a nice looking man with a passion to hear great stories about your kids hold a conversation with you . We shared a few laughs and talked about our country foods , the most embarrassing things my kids ever did to me in public and most importantly to him which I noticed right away was , how did I handled it . Before I noticed he was pulling in front of the doctors office , my ride was over . During my therapy section I was eager to finish just to see Jorge again . I wanted to take that ride home with him , I know I sound desperate but it was just the attention and the conversation , his sense of humor , that great feeling I felt when he made me laugh so hard at one point during our ride to the clinic until my stomach hurt , it make my heart jump . The feeling I had when I saw his eyes . I saw kindness , I saw reality . I saw true love for the first time in years . I was done with physical therapy and called to be picked up , I was disappointed not to see Jorge return for me , I was really hoping to see him again . My regular driver came back instead , I was going to ask him what happened with Jorge but I didn 't dare . As I got into the van and buckled my seat belt the driver asked me ; me : He was very polite and friendly , I think we going to get along just fine . What happened to him ? why didn 't he come back to get me ? I was quiet for the rest of the ride home thinking about what my driver has said and trying hard not to ask him any questions about Jorge , I was good enough for me about the volunteer information I had just received and I wanted to leave just like that . As we arrived to my house my driver informed me that Jorge was going to be taking his route from now own which would make him my permanent driver . I didn 't want to show him to excitement I was feeling inside so instead I replied with ; After that day everything stared , I had something to look forward to , although it was going to the doctors all the time at least I knew the company I was in was a pleasant one . Jorge was now picking me up for a few months and I always got to sit in the front seat if there was no one in the van , he takes good care of his patients and treats them with love and compassion , if they are older and cannot seat in the back he tells me , sorry but my co - pilot is coming and I need them right here with me so can you please take the back seat , he always get 's out of the van and opens the door for them , old or young . He never forgets to say " Good Morning " or " Good Afternoon " , " Have a nice day " , and when they are mean and nasty he says " God bless you Papi or Mami " " Hope you have a Great Day " ! ! ! which he hardly ever gets any of those . He loves his job . I will never forget the words Jorge said to me which started the change in my health and made it better . Majority of the people he picks up are older and have major issues . Some can 't even hardly walk , the other half are in wheelchairs . This is what Jorge said ; Jorge : everything . If you can 't love yourself for who you are and accept yourself how would you feel ? you need to change all the things that make you feel sick , all the negative things in your life , get rid of them , look at yourself in the mirror and say yesterday is gone and today is the beginning of a new day and fight for now . If you work on what you need to survive you will stay focus on the main issues like your diabetes and your heart , then you know what needs to be done to avoid being sick everyday or waiting for a heart attack to strike . If you know you overweight , then you know that eating healthy and walking , swimming or exercising can help reduce those risks can help you then use your mind and those sources which you have on hand and do them . Jeannette your problems are more mental than you think . Jorge : Jeannette , I like you , I really like you , it 's been 4 months since we have known each other , you know everything about me and I know everything about you , well almost everything . I want to help you understand that sometimes in life what appears to be real to you may not be , its only real because you have allowed it to be for that moment because you feel its an alternative , being sick is not an alternative , being alive and healthy for your children is , and is a responsibility , living is something to look forward to , if you 're sick you are not good for them because you can 't help them , what are you teaching them ? its negative and a vibe you need to examine and eliminate , only you can do this . Its the advise I offer you for now . Here I am , a change woman , no stress 165 pounds healthier , no longer taking cholesterol medication , my endocrinologist says my sugar levels never looked better I 'm no longer taking insulin as many times as I did before only one time at bedtime 10 units . I am happy . Every day since I met him I have regain my strengths , he has brought joy to our lives , he has made all the wrongs , right and became my voice when I couldn 't speak . I am blessed for having him in our life 's . He has been the light in my darkness shining through , I 'm in a better place because of his love for me . Michael is happy knowing he has someone in his life who he can confide in , someone who understands him most importantly Jorge its there for him whenever he needs him . Michael knows he can speak to him without hesitation about anything and Jorge is always ready to listen . Jorge has become a big part in my Son 's life . He has thought him to be confident and to believe in himself . He has shown him support stands by his side at every given moment . He has become Michael 's closest friend . I always asked myself when will my turn to happiness come ? Then I realized that when God was ready to make my dreams come true , I was going to know . Jorge was part of those dreams , I fell in love again , " real love " . I heard so many people say different things , like ; you trying too hard , he 's not the right man for you , wait for for a sign , you 're too old to start looking for romance , look at your past failures , relationships are not for you , you should wait for your kids to get married and leave . It felt like they were trying to shattered my dreams just because they saw me moving forward with my life , but I knew that this was my time . Sometimes when I happened to be praying or asking God for a solution to my problems or an answer to a question I seek , I looked up at the sky , and I will see these amazing things come out of nowhere … . Take a look … an aurora in mid - day how beautiful is that ? whatever my question was at time it was an answer with this magnificent aurora which developed right before my eyes and I was reassured that I was going to be just fine . The weather that day was beautiful there was no need for an aurora , and it was only around 3 P . M Terry : Don 't worry . I wont mess it up this time , Jorge is staying . He is good to mom , and he is good to you and me . Terry has a strong character , sometimes she can be difficult to even talk to … but Jorge has shown me that no matter how difficult kids can be , taking your time to stop and listen to what they have to say is worth all the time in the world . We need to set time aside from our busy schedules and listen to our children . When you start listening , really listening , they start delivering what you have been asking for a long time . Now moving along … I will like to discuss a subject regarding the Hufftington Post . A certain someone , send out a message this morning which shocked a few people including me and had a some of us shaking our heads … I must say … based on majority of the answers from the people who responded to the said post , I have not seen as many people coming together in one place , like I did this morning … The " ignorance " ( and I apologize but I have to say it was ) on that said post , had a reaction that impacted a lot of people … including me … and people united with their comments , even though the attack of some of the commentators were sort of ugly towards the writer … now that was to be expected when you write something so idiotic without choosing your words … also based on the fact that racism was used … now that 's a huge " You don 't go there " … if you looked at the picture closely the character did not look black , I must agree she looked orange , sort of like an um - pa lumpa from " Willy Wonka and the Chocolate factory " … lol , ( please take no offense ) … and as many people mention this is Halloween and dressing up is a fun thing for many people . I remember when I used to dress - up like wonder - woman as a child and I hardly was able to breath underneath those plastic mask , damn nose wholes were so small … I remember running into the walls could not even see my way around … My cousin pulled the mask away from my face at one point and the rubber band holding the mask together smacked my face so hard I had a nose bleed … those days were fun … I am sure no harm was intended … then again … That was " Life as we know it " once we collected our candy … the mask was off … I went out and played with my lemon twist … times have changed … does anyone remember the click clacks clackers ? those were the best in the 70 's they hurt like hell , but were fun to play with . any ways moving along . We need politics to keep things in place … but what we don 't need is chaos … we have enough to deal with in our lives to continue turning the channels because the News are too chaotic to watch these days , I rather watch movies without commercials or just turn the TV set off rather than to hear the News , there is too much drama going on … too much more than before , then they say ( its going down … look at the numbers , the rates this year are lower than the last ) on what ? crime ? poverty ? homelessness ? child abuse ? domestic violence ? gun violence ? Hit and runs ? animal abuse ? kidnapping ? budget cuts ? rape ? so much more … What Congress needs to know is that the people is honest enough to stand on line on election day and regardless of who they trust to place their Vote for , they do it because they Believe in their word … We Vote because we Believe that you can make it happen if we have you elected and place you in that beautiful white house … We trust you … Weather you win or loose , whose ever team you 're in we still sit there waiting and anticipating to see who gets elected , and hope that we see good changes for the benefit of all human kind …
|
I wonder what really captions an audience ? Is it the photographs of exotic places or the weird looking things that are captured on video these days ? I don 't know , whatever it is has the social media nowadays growing at a very fast speed . I 'm going to share a video with you , I love the lyrics as well as these Amazing talented Artists . I think they are awesome ! ! You Rock ! ! I am a writer , a writer of the truth . I take my time to put my words together . I take what I do and say very seriously . I know how to accept criticism as well as sarcasm . I 'm kind and humble , I 'm always willing to lend a hand without any hesitation . I 've been taken advantage of in numerous of occasions only because I think with my heart instead of using my head , but , I 'm writing a separate book for those who have taken that route with me . " what goes around comes around " and then some . I know and understand that in the world of Bloggers and Journalists you either got it or you don 't … you stand tall or you fall … its just the way it goes … that 's a chance we have to take . I love this world . I am happy just to feel my fingers typing , knowing I have something to say and share with you . I 've been writing for so long , I can 't even begin to tell you how many years it 's been . I love this environment , the people who share the same feeling as me should understand how great this feeling is . I love it here because of your great attitudes and positive ways of thinking , we don 't actually have to personally know one another to share the same feelings or appreciate each others work . I love the atmosphere , and how some of you still feel the same way I do about books , we miss the way a book feels when you hold it in your hands , the feel of the pages , the smell . We are Writers , Journalists we love a story just as much as the next person . We love it all ! Pretty simple . For all those who love to dream with your eyes open … It 's possible here … You can be a dreamer , you can be royal , you can wear diamonds or maybe crystals , you can live any fantasy , you don 't come here for money , just to share what you have with the world . Everyone has a story to tell . Everyone wants to spread their wings . So , spread them as far as you can and dream , make those dreams reality . Sometimes we say or do things we wish we hadn 't said or done … Now , the purpose of fixing " whatever those mistakes are " in a commitment / relationship … is not arguing about it … communication its the key … being able to talk without arguing and allowing your partner to speak without interruption , listening to each other and trust . Never repeating the same mistake twice … is learning from it . There are many keys to a healthy relationship and believe me I just found out recently that its the best feeling in the world to know that love is really beautiful and healthy when you have the main ingredients . Just have a little bit of faith , believe in yourself and don 't worry everyone has a reward awaiting for them . Hold yourself up , don 't be afraid to close your eyes , love is waiting for you . Sometimes , the reward is greater than what you expected it to be , it may take longer for delivery but its worth the wait . First , I am grateful to God for loving me and for being alive also for making it though another year , believe me 2013 was a rough one . I am happy because I 'm able to breathe easier and without stress , I am thankful for my beautiful children because they have been the biggest blessing in my life , I 'm thankful for my adoptive parents Melanie and Sid , they have been an inspiration and great support in my life , since they 've been part of my family I can say I know what it feels like to have real parents . ( I love you Mama and Poppa ) . my home which I almost lost , but by the helping hand of God who kept me strong & my family who didn 't leave my side , they brought it back to the way it used to be and by working together as a team getting all the legal paperwork in place , putting the house back into shape inside and out , ( Thank you guys , I am fortunate to have you in my life . ) I was able to regain control of my home and take possession of it . I 'm comfortable now and sleeping safely . Now , God knew what my heart was missing , how so many times I prayed for someone to hold me . I was afraid to let go of my pride and admit I was empty inside , cried myself to sleep almost every night for years wishing I had someone there with me . I had my share of bad relationships in the past and had gave up on love . I was lonely and needed someone to change my life around , I thought that was never going to happen for me . Thank You God for sending me an amazing man who has rescued me from the mess I was in , makes my life complete , when he smiles at me I see love in his eyes . I live the life I always dreamed because of him , he has transformed me from being a negative person , into someone who knows now that anything can happen as long as you believe in yourself . He accepts me for me and respects my opinions , most of all he loves my kids . He was there to help me regain my strengths when I felt I was loosing it all , and kept by my side even after many tried to keep him apart . Thank you . " In Love Again " , is a short story about how I found real love after years of believing it wasn 't possible . One particular part of my life you already know , if you read my book " I am a Survivor " . I can finally say the cycle has been broken . That part of my life no longer exists . I used to fear my past because of the a bitter taste it left me with and falling in love was the last thing on my mind , but when I met Jorge , I looked into his eyes and knew right away he was different . I realized that in order to move on with my life and come back to reality , I needed to make changes and start a new life . I needed to find the way to fill the emptiness I had in my heart . For years I was walking around with half a heart and no one to fill that empty spot , everyone who came around me was negative , bringing nothing but bad energy into my home and around my children . Many tried to open my eyes to what was real in my life , but I just couldn 't see . I needed to start listening to the positive voices around me , instead of the negative ones . Until Jorge started talking to me and began to open my eyes to reality , I didn 't like what I saw , more the less liked what I heard , but coming from him sounded so much different than from anyone else . I noticed that after so long of waiting for a miracle , and hearing everyone who cared about me telling me to be strong , I would make it through my fears , because fear was just , " False Evidence Appearing Real . " in the end the only one left was my true love , telling me I am here to stay . I found a good man , a loving man , someone who I can trust , hold a conversation with and not worry about him telling me I talk too much . He enjoys my company and tells me how beautiful I look all the time , even on my worst days . He freed me from the emptiness and sadness I was living in , bringing me back to the surface and right back to my feet . He has helped me face all my fears , including the fears of loving again , he reminded me of how beautiful love is , breaking those chains that were holding me down so tightly by showing me the meaning of real love and understanding . He showed me that things are only as complicated as I make them seam not as they appear to be , that whatever doesn 't kill me will only make me stronger , never to allow anyone to tell me any different . He thought me to be grateful for being alive and to love every second , every minute of the hour because only I have the power to control my life and the way I feel . He told me be a mother first before I can be a woman and then everything will fall into place , he said that I was the master of my mind , my body and my soul and no one can control who I am . I remember being in my room and for the first time in my life , I am thinking ; what am I doing ? I am going through my clothes and I have nothing to wear . I am only going to the doctors , ( hello therapy , physical therapy ) I need to be wearing some sneakers and sweat pants now ) , and here I am trying to look sexy , It was a pleasant ride to my doctors visit , after getting acquainted with each other there was a sudden silence as we waited by a red light just about 10 minutes to the doctors office , then he spoke . His first questions was ; do you have any children ? I looked at him and smiled , and I said yes , the conversation began there … It was all about the kids , I noticed there was no wedding ring on his finger but of course that doesn 't mean there 's no marriage so I didn 't bother to ask , I wanted to wait a little longer before I ruined the moment of pleasantness , its not all the time you have a nice looking man with a passion to hear great stories about your kids hold a conversation with you . We shared a few laughs and talked about our country foods , the most embarrassing things my kids ever did to me in public and most importantly to him which I noticed right away was , how did I handled it . Before I noticed he was pulling in front of the doctors office , my ride was over . During my therapy section I was eager to finish just to see Jorge again . I wanted to take that ride home with him , I know I sound desperate but it was just the attention and the conversation , his sense of humor , that great feeling I felt when he made me laugh so hard at one point during our ride to the clinic until my stomach hurt , it make my heart jump . The feeling I had when I saw his eyes . I saw kindness , I saw reality . I saw true love for the first time in years . I was done with physical therapy and called to be picked up , I was disappointed not to see Jorge return for me , I was really hoping to see him again . My regular driver came back instead , I was going to ask him what happened with Jorge but I didn 't dare . As I got into the van and buckled my seat belt the driver asked me ; me : He was very polite and friendly , I think we going to get along just fine . What happened to him ? why didn 't he come back to get me ? I was quiet for the rest of the ride home thinking about what my driver has said and trying hard not to ask him any questions about Jorge , I was good enough for me about the volunteer information I had just received and I wanted to leave just like that . As we arrived to my house my driver informed me that Jorge was going to be taking his route from now own which would make him my permanent driver . I didn 't want to show him to excitement I was feeling inside so instead I replied with ; After that day everything stared , I had something to look forward to , although it was going to the doctors all the time at least I knew the company I was in was a pleasant one . Jorge was now picking me up for a few months and I always got to sit in the front seat if there was no one in the van , he takes good care of his patients and treats them with love and compassion , if they are older and cannot seat in the back he tells me , sorry but my co - pilot is coming and I need them right here with me so can you please take the back seat , he always get 's out of the van and opens the door for them , old or young . He never forgets to say " Good Morning " or " Good Afternoon " , " Have a nice day " , and when they are mean and nasty he says " God bless you Papi or Mami " " Hope you have a Great Day " ! ! ! which he hardly ever gets any of those . He loves his job . I will never forget the words Jorge said to me which started the change in my health and made it better . Majority of the people he picks up are older and have major issues . Some can 't even hardly walk , the other half are in wheelchairs . This is what Jorge said ; Jorge : everything . If you can 't love yourself for who you are and accept yourself how would you feel ? you need to change all the things that make you feel sick , all the negative things in your life , get rid of them , look at yourself in the mirror and say yesterday is gone and today is the beginning of a new day and fight for now . If you work on what you need to survive you will stay focus on the main issues like your diabetes and your heart , then you know what needs to be done to avoid being sick everyday or waiting for a heart attack to strike . If you know you overweight , then you know that eating healthy and walking , swimming or exercising can help reduce those risks can help you then use your mind and those sources which you have on hand and do them . Jeannette your problems are more mental than you think . Jorge : Jeannette , I like you , I really like you , it 's been 4 months since we have known each other , you know everything about me and I know everything about you , well almost everything . I want to help you understand that sometimes in life what appears to be real to you may not be , its only real because you have allowed it to be for that moment because you feel its an alternative , being sick is not an alternative , being alive and healthy for your children is , and is a responsibility , living is something to look forward to , if you 're sick you are not good for them because you can 't help them , what are you teaching them ? its negative and a vibe you need to examine and eliminate , only you can do this . Its the advise I offer you for now . Here I am , a change woman , no stress 165 pounds healthier , no longer taking cholesterol medication , my endocrinologist says my sugar levels never looked better I 'm no longer taking insulin as many times as I did before only one time at bedtime 10 units . I am happy . Every day since I met him I have regain my strengths , he has brought joy to our lives , he has made all the wrongs , right and became my voice when I couldn 't speak . I am blessed for having him in our life 's . He has been the light in my darkness shining through , I 'm in a better place because of his love for me . Michael is happy knowing he has someone in his life who he can confide in , someone who understands him most importantly Jorge its there for him whenever he needs him . Michael knows he can speak to him without hesitation about anything and Jorge is always ready to listen . Jorge has become a big part in my Son 's life . He has thought him to be confident and to believe in himself . He has shown him support stands by his side at every given moment . He has become Michael 's closest friend . I always asked myself when will my turn to happiness come ? Then I realized that when God was ready to make my dreams come true , I was going to know . Jorge was part of those dreams , I fell in love again , " real love " . I heard so many people say different things , like ; you trying too hard , he 's not the right man for you , wait for for a sign , you 're too old to start looking for romance , look at your past failures , relationships are not for you , you should wait for your kids to get married and leave . It felt like they were trying to shattered my dreams just because they saw me moving forward with my life , but I knew that this was my time . Sometimes when I happened to be praying or asking God for a solution to my problems or an answer to a question I seek , I looked up at the sky , and I will see these amazing things come out of nowhere … . Take a look … an aurora in mid - day how beautiful is that ? whatever my question was at time it was an answer with this magnificent aurora which developed right before my eyes and I was reassured that I was going to be just fine . The weather that day was beautiful there was no need for an aurora , and it was only around 3 P . M Terry : Don 't worry . I wont mess it up this time , Jorge is staying . He is good to mom , and he is good to you and me . Terry has a strong character , sometimes she can be difficult to even talk to … but Jorge has shown me that no matter how difficult kids can be , taking your time to stop and listen to what they have to say is worth all the time in the world . We need to set time aside from our busy schedules and listen to our children . When you start listening , really listening , they start delivering what you have been asking for a long time . Now moving along … I will like to discuss a subject regarding the Hufftington Post . A certain someone , send out a message this morning which shocked a few people including me and had a some of us shaking our heads … I must say … based on majority of the answers from the people who responded to the said post , I have not seen as many people coming together in one place , like I did this morning … The " ignorance " ( and I apologize but I have to say it was ) on that said post , had a reaction that impacted a lot of people … including me … and people united with their comments , even though the attack of some of the commentators were sort of ugly towards the writer … now that was to be expected when you write something so idiotic without choosing your words … also based on the fact that racism was used … now that 's a huge " You don 't go there " … if you looked at the picture closely the character did not look black , I must agree she looked orange , sort of like an um - pa lumpa from " Willy Wonka and the Chocolate factory " … lol , ( please take no offense ) … and as many people mention this is Halloween and dressing up is a fun thing for many people . I remember when I used to dress - up like wonder - woman as a child and I hardly was able to breath underneath those plastic mask , damn nose wholes were so small … I remember running into the walls could not even see my way around … My cousin pulled the mask away from my face at one point and the rubber band holding the mask together smacked my face so hard I had a nose bleed … those days were fun … I am sure no harm was intended … then again … That was " Life as we know it " once we collected our candy … the mask was off … I went out and played with my lemon twist … times have changed … does anyone remember the click clacks clackers ? those were the best in the 70 's they hurt like hell , but were fun to play with . any ways moving along . We need politics to keep things in place … but what we don 't need is chaos … we have enough to deal with in our lives to continue turning the channels because the News are too chaotic to watch these days , I rather watch movies without commercials or just turn the TV set off rather than to hear the News , there is too much drama going on … too much more than before , then they say ( its going down … look at the numbers , the rates this year are lower than the last ) on what ? crime ? poverty ? homelessness ? child abuse ? domestic violence ? gun violence ? Hit and runs ? animal abuse ? kidnapping ? budget cuts ? rape ? so much more … What Congress needs to know is that the people is honest enough to stand on line on election day and regardless of who they trust to place their Vote for , they do it because they Believe in their word … We Vote because we Believe that you can make it happen if we have you elected and place you in that beautiful white house … We trust you … Weather you win or loose , whose ever team you 're in we still sit there waiting and anticipating to see who gets elected , and hope that we see good changes for the benefit of all human kind …
|
I wonder what really captions an audience ? Is it the photographs of exotic places or the weird looking things that are captured on video these days ? I don 't know , whatever it is has the social media nowadays growing at a very fast speed . I 'm going to share a video with you , I love the lyrics as well as these Amazing talented Artists . I think they are awesome ! ! You Rock ! ! I am a writer , a writer of the truth . I take my time to put my words together . I take what I do and say very seriously . I know how to accept criticism as well as sarcasm . I 'm kind and humble , I 'm always willing to lend a hand without any hesitation . I 've been taken advantage of in numerous of occasions only because I think with my heart instead of using my head , but , I 'm writing a separate book for those who have taken that route with me . " what goes around comes around " and then some . I know and understand that in the world of Bloggers and Journalists you either got it or you don 't … you stand tall or you fall … its just the way it goes … that 's a chance we have to take . I love this world . I am happy just to feel my fingers typing , knowing I have something to say and share with you . I 've been writing for so long , I can 't even begin to tell you how many years it 's been . I love this environment , the people who share the same feeling as me should understand how great this feeling is . I love it here because of your great attitudes and positive ways of thinking , we don 't actually have to personally know one another to share the same feelings or appreciate each others work . I love the atmosphere , and how some of you still feel the same way I do about books , we miss the way a book feels when you hold it in your hands , the feel of the pages , the smell . We are Writers , Journalists we love a story just as much as the next person . We love it all ! Pretty simple . For all those who love to dream with your eyes open … It 's possible here … You can be a dreamer , you can be royal , you can wear diamonds or maybe crystals , you can live any fantasy , you don 't come here for money , just to share what you have with the world . Everyone has a story to tell . Everyone wants to spread their wings . So , spread them as far as you can and dream , make those dreams reality . Sometimes we say or do things we wish we hadn 't said or done … Now , the purpose of fixing " whatever those mistakes are " in a commitment / relationship … is not arguing about it … communication its the key … being able to talk without arguing and allowing your partner to speak without interruption , listening to each other and trust . Never repeating the same mistake twice … is learning from it . There are many keys to a healthy relationship and believe me I just found out recently that its the best feeling in the world to know that love is really beautiful and healthy when you have the main ingredients . Just have a little bit of faith , believe in yourself and don 't worry everyone has a reward awaiting for them . Hold yourself up , don 't be afraid to close your eyes , love is waiting for you . Sometimes , the reward is greater than what you expected it to be , it may take longer for delivery but its worth the wait . First , I am grateful to God for loving me and for being alive also for making it though another year , believe me 2013 was a rough one . I am happy because I 'm able to breathe easier and without stress , I am thankful for my beautiful children because they have been the biggest blessing in my life , I 'm thankful for my adoptive parents Melanie and Sid , they have been an inspiration and great support in my life , since they 've been part of my family I can say I know what it feels like to have real parents . ( I love you Mama and Poppa ) . my home which I almost lost , but by the helping hand of God who kept me strong & my family who didn 't leave my side , they brought it back to the way it used to be and by working together as a team getting all the legal paperwork in place , putting the house back into shape inside and out , ( Thank you guys , I am fortunate to have you in my life . ) I was able to regain control of my home and take possession of it . I 'm comfortable now and sleeping safely . Now , God knew what my heart was missing , how so many times I prayed for someone to hold me . I was afraid to let go of my pride and admit I was empty inside , cried myself to sleep almost every night for years wishing I had someone there with me . I had my share of bad relationships in the past and had gave up on love . I was lonely and needed someone to change my life around , I thought that was never going to happen for me . Thank You God for sending me an amazing man who has rescued me from the mess I was in , makes my life complete , when he smiles at me I see love in his eyes . I live the life I always dreamed because of him , he has transformed me from being a negative person , into someone who knows now that anything can happen as long as you believe in yourself . He accepts me for me and respects my opinions , most of all he loves my kids . He was there to help me regain my strengths when I felt I was loosing it all , and kept by my side even after many tried to keep him apart . Thank you . " In Love Again " , is a short story about how I found real love after years of believing it wasn 't possible . One particular part of my life you already know , if you read my book " I am a Survivor " . I can finally say the cycle has been broken . That part of my life no longer exists . I used to fear my past because of the a bitter taste it left me with and falling in love was the last thing on my mind , but when I met Jorge , I looked into his eyes and knew right away he was different . I realized that in order to move on with my life and come back to reality , I needed to make changes and start a new life . I needed to find the way to fill the emptiness I had in my heart . For years I was walking around with half a heart and no one to fill that empty spot , everyone who came around me was negative , bringing nothing but bad energy into my home and around my children . Many tried to open my eyes to what was real in my life , but I just couldn 't see . I needed to start listening to the positive voices around me , instead of the negative ones . Until Jorge started talking to me and began to open my eyes to reality , I didn 't like what I saw , more the less liked what I heard , but coming from him sounded so much different than from anyone else . I noticed that after so long of waiting for a miracle , and hearing everyone who cared about me telling me to be strong , I would make it through my fears , because fear was just , " False Evidence Appearing Real . " in the end the only one left was my true love , telling me I am here to stay . I found a good man , a loving man , someone who I can trust , hold a conversation with and not worry about him telling me I talk too much . He enjoys my company and tells me how beautiful I look all the time , even on my worst days . He freed me from the emptiness and sadness I was living in , bringing me back to the surface and right back to my feet . He has helped me face all my fears , including the fears of loving again , he reminded me of how beautiful love is , breaking those chains that were holding me down so tightly by showing me the meaning of real love and understanding . He showed me that things are only as complicated as I make them seam not as they appear to be , that whatever doesn 't kill me will only make me stronger , never to allow anyone to tell me any different . He thought me to be grateful for being alive and to love every second , every minute of the hour because only I have the power to control my life and the way I feel . He told me be a mother first before I can be a woman and then everything will fall into place , he said that I was the master of my mind , my body and my soul and no one can control who I am . I remember being in my room and for the first time in my life , I am thinking ; what am I doing ? I am going through my clothes and I have nothing to wear . I am only going to the doctors , ( hello therapy , physical therapy ) I need to be wearing some sneakers and sweat pants now ) , and here I am trying to look sexy , It was a pleasant ride to my doctors visit , after getting acquainted with each other there was a sudden silence as we waited by a red light just about 10 minutes to the doctors office , then he spoke . His first questions was ; do you have any children ? I looked at him and smiled , and I said yes , the conversation began there … It was all about the kids , I noticed there was no wedding ring on his finger but of course that doesn 't mean there 's no marriage so I didn 't bother to ask , I wanted to wait a little longer before I ruined the moment of pleasantness , its not all the time you have a nice looking man with a passion to hear great stories about your kids hold a conversation with you . We shared a few laughs and talked about our country foods , the most embarrassing things my kids ever did to me in public and most importantly to him which I noticed right away was , how did I handled it . Before I noticed he was pulling in front of the doctors office , my ride was over . During my therapy section I was eager to finish just to see Jorge again . I wanted to take that ride home with him , I know I sound desperate but it was just the attention and the conversation , his sense of humor , that great feeling I felt when he made me laugh so hard at one point during our ride to the clinic until my stomach hurt , it make my heart jump . The feeling I had when I saw his eyes . I saw kindness , I saw reality . I saw true love for the first time in years . I was done with physical therapy and called to be picked up , I was disappointed not to see Jorge return for me , I was really hoping to see him again . My regular driver came back instead , I was going to ask him what happened with Jorge but I didn 't dare . As I got into the van and buckled my seat belt the driver asked me ; me : He was very polite and friendly , I think we going to get along just fine . What happened to him ? why didn 't he come back to get me ? I was quiet for the rest of the ride home thinking about what my driver has said and trying hard not to ask him any questions about Jorge , I was good enough for me about the volunteer information I had just received and I wanted to leave just like that . As we arrived to my house my driver informed me that Jorge was going to be taking his route from now own which would make him my permanent driver . I didn 't want to show him to excitement I was feeling inside so instead I replied with ; After that day everything stared , I had something to look forward to , although it was going to the doctors all the time at least I knew the company I was in was a pleasant one . Jorge was now picking me up for a few months and I always got to sit in the front seat if there was no one in the van , he takes good care of his patients and treats them with love and compassion , if they are older and cannot seat in the back he tells me , sorry but my co - pilot is coming and I need them right here with me so can you please take the back seat , he always get 's out of the van and opens the door for them , old or young . He never forgets to say " Good Morning " or " Good Afternoon " , " Have a nice day " , and when they are mean and nasty he says " God bless you Papi or Mami " " Hope you have a Great Day " ! ! ! which he hardly ever gets any of those . He loves his job . I will never forget the words Jorge said to me which started the change in my health and made it better . Majority of the people he picks up are older and have major issues . Some can 't even hardly walk , the other half are in wheelchairs . This is what Jorge said ; Jorge : everything . If you can 't love yourself for who you are and accept yourself how would you feel ? you need to change all the things that make you feel sick , all the negative things in your life , get rid of them , look at yourself in the mirror and say yesterday is gone and today is the beginning of a new day and fight for now . If you work on what you need to survive you will stay focus on the main issues like your diabetes and your heart , then you know what needs to be done to avoid being sick everyday or waiting for a heart attack to strike . If you know you overweight , then you know that eating healthy and walking , swimming or exercising can help reduce those risks can help you then use your mind and those sources which you have on hand and do them . Jeannette your problems are more mental than you think . Jorge : Jeannette , I like you , I really like you , it 's been 4 months since we have known each other , you know everything about me and I know everything about you , well almost everything . I want to help you understand that sometimes in life what appears to be real to you may not be , its only real because you have allowed it to be for that moment because you feel its an alternative , being sick is not an alternative , being alive and healthy for your children is , and is a responsibility , living is something to look forward to , if you 're sick you are not good for them because you can 't help them , what are you teaching them ? its negative and a vibe you need to examine and eliminate , only you can do this . Its the advise I offer you for now . Here I am , a change woman , no stress 165 pounds healthier , no longer taking cholesterol medication , my endocrinologist says my sugar levels never looked better I 'm no longer taking insulin as many times as I did before only one time at bedtime 10 units . I am happy . Every day since I met him I have regain my strengths , he has brought joy to our lives , he has made all the wrongs , right and became my voice when I couldn 't speak . I am blessed for having him in our life 's . He has been the light in my darkness shining through , I 'm in a better place because of his love for me . Michael is happy knowing he has someone in his life who he can confide in , someone who understands him most importantly Jorge its there for him whenever he needs him . Michael knows he can speak to him without hesitation about anything and Jorge is always ready to listen . Jorge has become a big part in my Son 's life . He has thought him to be confident and to believe in himself . He has shown him support stands by his side at every given moment . He has become Michael 's closest friend . I always asked myself when will my turn to happiness come ? Then I realized that when God was ready to make my dreams come true , I was going to know . Jorge was part of those dreams , I fell in love again , " real love " . I heard so many people say different things , like ; you trying too hard , he 's not the right man for you , wait for for a sign , you 're too old to start looking for romance , look at your past failures , relationships are not for you , you should wait for your kids to get married and leave . It felt like they were trying to shattered my dreams just because they saw me moving forward with my life , but I knew that this was my time . Sometimes when I happened to be praying or asking God for a solution to my problems or an answer to a question I seek , I looked up at the sky , and I will see these amazing things come out of nowhere … . Take a look … an aurora in mid - day how beautiful is that ? whatever my question was at time it was an answer with this magnificent aurora which developed right before my eyes and I was reassured that I was going to be just fine . The weather that day was beautiful there was no need for an aurora , and it was only around 3 P . M Terry : Don 't worry . I wont mess it up this time , Jorge is staying . He is good to mom , and he is good to you and me . Terry has a strong character , sometimes she can be difficult to even talk to … but Jorge has shown me that no matter how difficult kids can be , taking your time to stop and listen to what they have to say is worth all the time in the world . We need to set time aside from our busy schedules and listen to our children . When you start listening , really listening , they start delivering what you have been asking for a long time . Now moving along … I will like to discuss a subject regarding the Hufftington Post . A certain someone , send out a message this morning which shocked a few people including me and had a some of us shaking our heads … I must say … based on majority of the answers from the people who responded to the said post , I have not seen as many people coming together in one place , like I did this morning … The " ignorance " ( and I apologize but I have to say it was ) on that said post , had a reaction that impacted a lot of people … including me … and people united with their comments , even though the attack of some of the commentators were sort of ugly towards the writer … now that was to be expected when you write something so idiotic without choosing your words … also based on the fact that racism was used … now that 's a huge " You don 't go there " … if you looked at the picture closely the character did not look black , I must agree she looked orange , sort of like an um - pa lumpa from " Willy Wonka and the Chocolate factory " … lol , ( please take no offense ) … and as many people mention this is Halloween and dressing up is a fun thing for many people . I remember when I used to dress - up like wonder - woman as a child and I hardly was able to breath underneath those plastic mask , damn nose wholes were so small … I remember running into the walls could not even see my way around … My cousin pulled the mask away from my face at one point and the rubber band holding the mask together smacked my face so hard I had a nose bleed … those days were fun … I am sure no harm was intended … then again … That was " Life as we know it " once we collected our candy … the mask was off … I went out and played with my lemon twist … times have changed … does anyone remember the click clacks clackers ? those were the best in the 70 's they hurt like hell , but were fun to play with . any ways moving along . We need politics to keep things in place … but what we don 't need is chaos … we have enough to deal with in our lives to continue turning the channels because the News are too chaotic to watch these days , I rather watch movies without commercials or just turn the TV set off rather than to hear the News , there is too much drama going on … too much more than before , then they say ( its going down … look at the numbers , the rates this year are lower than the last ) on what ? crime ? poverty ? homelessness ? child abuse ? domestic violence ? gun violence ? Hit and runs ? animal abuse ? kidnapping ? budget cuts ? rape ? so much more … What Congress needs to know is that the people is honest enough to stand on line on election day and regardless of who they trust to place their Vote for , they do it because they Believe in their word … We Vote because we Believe that you can make it happen if we have you elected and place you in that beautiful white house … We trust you … Weather you win or loose , whose ever team you 're in we still sit there waiting and anticipating to see who gets elected , and hope that we see good changes for the benefit of all human kind …
|
I wonder what really captions an audience ? Is it the photographs of exotic places or the weird looking things that are captured on video these days ? I don 't know , whatever it is has the social media nowadays growing at a very fast speed . I 'm going to share a video with you , I love the lyrics as well as these Amazing talented Artists . I think they are awesome ! ! You Rock ! ! I am a writer , a writer of the truth . I take my time to put my words together . I take what I do and say very seriously . I know how to accept criticism as well as sarcasm . I 'm kind and humble , I 'm always willing to lend a hand without any hesitation . I 've been taken advantage of in numerous of occasions only because I think with my heart instead of using my head , but , I 'm writing a separate book for those who have taken that route with me . " what goes around comes around " and then some . I know and understand that in the world of Bloggers and Journalists you either got it or you don 't … you stand tall or you fall … its just the way it goes … that 's a chance we have to take . I love this world . I am happy just to feel my fingers typing , knowing I have something to say and share with you . I 've been writing for so long , I can 't even begin to tell you how many years it 's been . I love this environment , the people who share the same feeling as me should understand how great this feeling is . I love it here because of your great attitudes and positive ways of thinking , we don 't actually have to personally know one another to share the same feelings or appreciate each others work . I love the atmosphere , and how some of you still feel the same way I do about books , we miss the way a book feels when you hold it in your hands , the feel of the pages , the smell . We are Writers , Journalists we love a story just as much as the next person . We love it all ! Pretty simple . For all those who love to dream with your eyes open … It 's possible here … You can be a dreamer , you can be royal , you can wear diamonds or maybe crystals , you can live any fantasy , you don 't come here for money , just to share what you have with the world . Everyone has a story to tell . Everyone wants to spread their wings . So , spread them as far as you can and dream , make those dreams reality . Sometimes we say or do things we wish we hadn 't said or done … Now , the purpose of fixing " whatever those mistakes are " in a commitment / relationship … is not arguing about it … communication its the key … being able to talk without arguing and allowing your partner to speak without interruption , listening to each other and trust . Never repeating the same mistake twice … is learning from it . There are many keys to a healthy relationship and believe me I just found out recently that its the best feeling in the world to know that love is really beautiful and healthy when you have the main ingredients . Just have a little bit of faith , believe in yourself and don 't worry everyone has a reward awaiting for them . Hold yourself up , don 't be afraid to close your eyes , love is waiting for you . Sometimes , the reward is greater than what you expected it to be , it may take longer for delivery but its worth the wait . First , I am grateful to God for loving me and for being alive also for making it though another year , believe me 2013 was a rough one . I am happy because I 'm able to breathe easier and without stress , I am thankful for my beautiful children because they have been the biggest blessing in my life , I 'm thankful for my adoptive parents Melanie and Sid , they have been an inspiration and great support in my life , since they 've been part of my family I can say I know what it feels like to have real parents . ( I love you Mama and Poppa ) . my home which I almost lost , but by the helping hand of God who kept me strong & my family who didn 't leave my side , they brought it back to the way it used to be and by working together as a team getting all the legal paperwork in place , putting the house back into shape inside and out , ( Thank you guys , I am fortunate to have you in my life . ) I was able to regain control of my home and take possession of it . I 'm comfortable now and sleeping safely . Now , God knew what my heart was missing , how so many times I prayed for someone to hold me . I was afraid to let go of my pride and admit I was empty inside , cried myself to sleep almost every night for years wishing I had someone there with me . I had my share of bad relationships in the past and had gave up on love . I was lonely and needed someone to change my life around , I thought that was never going to happen for me . Thank You God for sending me an amazing man who has rescued me from the mess I was in , makes my life complete , when he smiles at me I see love in his eyes . I live the life I always dreamed because of him , he has transformed me from being a negative person , into someone who knows now that anything can happen as long as you believe in yourself . He accepts me for me and respects my opinions , most of all he loves my kids . He was there to help me regain my strengths when I felt I was loosing it all , and kept by my side even after many tried to keep him apart . Thank you . " In Love Again " , is a short story about how I found real love after years of believing it wasn 't possible . One particular part of my life you already know , if you read my book " I am a Survivor " . I can finally say the cycle has been broken . That part of my life no longer exists . I used to fear my past because of the a bitter taste it left me with and falling in love was the last thing on my mind , but when I met Jorge , I looked into his eyes and knew right away he was different . I realized that in order to move on with my life and come back to reality , I needed to make changes and start a new life . I needed to find the way to fill the emptiness I had in my heart . For years I was walking around with half a heart and no one to fill that empty spot , everyone who came around me was negative , bringing nothing but bad energy into my home and around my children . Many tried to open my eyes to what was real in my life , but I just couldn 't see . I needed to start listening to the positive voices around me , instead of the negative ones . Until Jorge started talking to me and began to open my eyes to reality , I didn 't like what I saw , more the less liked what I heard , but coming from him sounded so much different than from anyone else . I noticed that after so long of waiting for a miracle , and hearing everyone who cared about me telling me to be strong , I would make it through my fears , because fear was just , " False Evidence Appearing Real . " in the end the only one left was my true love , telling me I am here to stay . I found a good man , a loving man , someone who I can trust , hold a conversation with and not worry about him telling me I talk too much . He enjoys my company and tells me how beautiful I look all the time , even on my worst days . He freed me from the emptiness and sadness I was living in , bringing me back to the surface and right back to my feet . He has helped me face all my fears , including the fears of loving again , he reminded me of how beautiful love is , breaking those chains that were holding me down so tightly by showing me the meaning of real love and understanding . He showed me that things are only as complicated as I make them seam not as they appear to be , that whatever doesn 't kill me will only make me stronger , never to allow anyone to tell me any different . He thought me to be grateful for being alive and to love every second , every minute of the hour because only I have the power to control my life and the way I feel . He told me be a mother first before I can be a woman and then everything will fall into place , he said that I was the master of my mind , my body and my soul and no one can control who I am . I remember being in my room and for the first time in my life , I am thinking ; what am I doing ? I am going through my clothes and I have nothing to wear . I am only going to the doctors , ( hello therapy , physical therapy ) I need to be wearing some sneakers and sweat pants now ) , and here I am trying to look sexy , It was a pleasant ride to my doctors visit , after getting acquainted with each other there was a sudden silence as we waited by a red light just about 10 minutes to the doctors office , then he spoke . His first questions was ; do you have any children ? I looked at him and smiled , and I said yes , the conversation began there … It was all about the kids , I noticed there was no wedding ring on his finger but of course that doesn 't mean there 's no marriage so I didn 't bother to ask , I wanted to wait a little longer before I ruined the moment of pleasantness , its not all the time you have a nice looking man with a passion to hear great stories about your kids hold a conversation with you . We shared a few laughs and talked about our country foods , the most embarrassing things my kids ever did to me in public and most importantly to him which I noticed right away was , how did I handled it . Before I noticed he was pulling in front of the doctors office , my ride was over . During my therapy section I was eager to finish just to see Jorge again . I wanted to take that ride home with him , I know I sound desperate but it was just the attention and the conversation , his sense of humor , that great feeling I felt when he made me laugh so hard at one point during our ride to the clinic until my stomach hurt , it make my heart jump . The feeling I had when I saw his eyes . I saw kindness , I saw reality . I saw true love for the first time in years . I was done with physical therapy and called to be picked up , I was disappointed not to see Jorge return for me , I was really hoping to see him again . My regular driver came back instead , I was going to ask him what happened with Jorge but I didn 't dare . As I got into the van and buckled my seat belt the driver asked me ; me : He was very polite and friendly , I think we going to get along just fine . What happened to him ? why didn 't he come back to get me ? I was quiet for the rest of the ride home thinking about what my driver has said and trying hard not to ask him any questions about Jorge , I was good enough for me about the volunteer information I had just received and I wanted to leave just like that . As we arrived to my house my driver informed me that Jorge was going to be taking his route from now own which would make him my permanent driver . I didn 't want to show him to excitement I was feeling inside so instead I replied with ; After that day everything stared , I had something to look forward to , although it was going to the doctors all the time at least I knew the company I was in was a pleasant one . Jorge was now picking me up for a few months and I always got to sit in the front seat if there was no one in the van , he takes good care of his patients and treats them with love and compassion , if they are older and cannot seat in the back he tells me , sorry but my co - pilot is coming and I need them right here with me so can you please take the back seat , he always get 's out of the van and opens the door for them , old or young . He never forgets to say " Good Morning " or " Good Afternoon " , " Have a nice day " , and when they are mean and nasty he says " God bless you Papi or Mami " " Hope you have a Great Day " ! ! ! which he hardly ever gets any of those . He loves his job . I will never forget the words Jorge said to me which started the change in my health and made it better . Majority of the people he picks up are older and have major issues . Some can 't even hardly walk , the other half are in wheelchairs . This is what Jorge said ; Jorge : everything . If you can 't love yourself for who you are and accept yourself how would you feel ? you need to change all the things that make you feel sick , all the negative things in your life , get rid of them , look at yourself in the mirror and say yesterday is gone and today is the beginning of a new day and fight for now . If you work on what you need to survive you will stay focus on the main issues like your diabetes and your heart , then you know what needs to be done to avoid being sick everyday or waiting for a heart attack to strike . If you know you overweight , then you know that eating healthy and walking , swimming or exercising can help reduce those risks can help you then use your mind and those sources which you have on hand and do them . Jeannette your problems are more mental than you think . Jorge : Jeannette , I like you , I really like you , it 's been 4 months since we have known each other , you know everything about me and I know everything about you , well almost everything . I want to help you understand that sometimes in life what appears to be real to you may not be , its only real because you have allowed it to be for that moment because you feel its an alternative , being sick is not an alternative , being alive and healthy for your children is , and is a responsibility , living is something to look forward to , if you 're sick you are not good for them because you can 't help them , what are you teaching them ? its negative and a vibe you need to examine and eliminate , only you can do this . Its the advise I offer you for now . Here I am , a change woman , no stress 165 pounds healthier , no longer taking cholesterol medication , my endocrinologist says my sugar levels never looked better I 'm no longer taking insulin as many times as I did before only one time at bedtime 10 units . I am happy . Every day since I met him I have regain my strengths , he has brought joy to our lives , he has made all the wrongs , right and became my voice when I couldn 't speak . I am blessed for having him in our life 's . He has been the light in my darkness shining through , I 'm in a better place because of his love for me . Michael is happy knowing he has someone in his life who he can confide in , someone who understands him most importantly Jorge its there for him whenever he needs him . Michael knows he can speak to him without hesitation about anything and Jorge is always ready to listen . Jorge has become a big part in my Son 's life . He has thought him to be confident and to believe in himself . He has shown him support stands by his side at every given moment . He has become Michael 's closest friend . I always asked myself when will my turn to happiness come ? Then I realized that when God was ready to make my dreams come true , I was going to know . Jorge was part of those dreams , I fell in love again , " real love " . I heard so many people say different things , like ; you trying too hard , he 's not the right man for you , wait for for a sign , you 're too old to start looking for romance , look at your past failures , relationships are not for you , you should wait for your kids to get married and leave . It felt like they were trying to shattered my dreams just because they saw me moving forward with my life , but I knew that this was my time . Sometimes when I happened to be praying or asking God for a solution to my problems or an answer to a question I seek , I looked up at the sky , and I will see these amazing things come out of nowhere … . Take a look … an aurora in mid - day how beautiful is that ? whatever my question was at time it was an answer with this magnificent aurora which developed right before my eyes and I was reassured that I was going to be just fine . The weather that day was beautiful there was no need for an aurora , and it was only around 3 P . M Terry : Don 't worry . I wont mess it up this time , Jorge is staying . He is good to mom , and he is good to you and me . Terry has a strong character , sometimes she can be difficult to even talk to … but Jorge has shown me that no matter how difficult kids can be , taking your time to stop and listen to what they have to say is worth all the time in the world . We need to set time aside from our busy schedules and listen to our children . When you start listening , really listening , they start delivering what you have been asking for a long time . Now moving along … I will like to discuss a subject regarding the Hufftington Post . A certain someone , send out a message this morning which shocked a few people including me and had a some of us shaking our heads … I must say … based on majority of the answers from the people who responded to the said post , I have not seen as many people coming together in one place , like I did this morning … The " ignorance " ( and I apologize but I have to say it was ) on that said post , had a reaction that impacted a lot of people … including me … and people united with their comments , even though the attack of some of the commentators were sort of ugly towards the writer … now that was to be expected when you write something so idiotic without choosing your words … also based on the fact that racism was used … now that 's a huge " You don 't go there " … if you looked at the picture closely the character did not look black , I must agree she looked orange , sort of like an um - pa lumpa from " Willy Wonka and the Chocolate factory " … lol , ( please take no offense ) … and as many people mention this is Halloween and dressing up is a fun thing for many people . I remember when I used to dress - up like wonder - woman as a child and I hardly was able to breath underneath those plastic mask , damn nose wholes were so small … I remember running into the walls could not even see my way around … My cousin pulled the mask away from my face at one point and the rubber band holding the mask together smacked my face so hard I had a nose bleed … those days were fun … I am sure no harm was intended … then again … That was " Life as we know it " once we collected our candy … the mask was off … I went out and played with my lemon twist … times have changed … does anyone remember the click clacks clackers ? those were the best in the 70 's they hurt like hell , but were fun to play with . any ways moving along . We need politics to keep things in place … but what we don 't need is chaos … we have enough to deal with in our lives to continue turning the channels because the News are too chaotic to watch these days , I rather watch movies without commercials or just turn the TV set off rather than to hear the News , there is too much drama going on … too much more than before , then they say ( its going down … look at the numbers , the rates this year are lower than the last ) on what ? crime ? poverty ? homelessness ? child abuse ? domestic violence ? gun violence ? Hit and runs ? animal abuse ? kidnapping ? budget cuts ? rape ? so much more … What Congress needs to know is that the people is honest enough to stand on line on election day and regardless of who they trust to place their Vote for , they do it because they Believe in their word … We Vote because we Believe that you can make it happen if we have you elected and place you in that beautiful white house … We trust you … Weather you win or loose , whose ever team you 're in we still sit there waiting and anticipating to see who gets elected , and hope that we see good changes for the benefit of all human kind …
|
I wonder what really captions an audience ? Is it the photographs of exotic places or the weird looking things that are captured on video these days ? I don 't know , whatever it is has the social media nowadays growing at a very fast speed . I 'm going to share a video with you , I love the lyrics as well as these Amazing talented Artists . I think they are awesome ! ! You Rock ! ! I am a writer , a writer of the truth . I take my time to put my words together . I take what I do and say very seriously . I know how to accept criticism as well as sarcasm . I 'm kind and humble , I 'm always willing to lend a hand without any hesitation . I 've been taken advantage of in numerous of occasions only because I think with my heart instead of using my head , but , I 'm writing a separate book for those who have taken that route with me . " what goes around comes around " and then some . I know and understand that in the world of Bloggers and Journalists you either got it or you don 't … you stand tall or you fall … its just the way it goes … that 's a chance we have to take . I love this world . I am happy just to feel my fingers typing , knowing I have something to say and share with you . I 've been writing for so long , I can 't even begin to tell you how many years it 's been . I love this environment , the people who share the same feeling as me should understand how great this feeling is . I love it here because of your great attitudes and positive ways of thinking , we don 't actually have to personally know one another to share the same feelings or appreciate each others work . I love the atmosphere , and how some of you still feel the same way I do about books , we miss the way a book feels when you hold it in your hands , the feel of the pages , the smell . We are Writers , Journalists we love a story just as much as the next person . We love it all ! Pretty simple . For all those who love to dream with your eyes open … It 's possible here … You can be a dreamer , you can be royal , you can wear diamonds or maybe crystals , you can live any fantasy , you don 't come here for money , just to share what you have with the world . Everyone has a story to tell . Everyone wants to spread their wings . So , spread them as far as you can and dream , make those dreams reality . Sometimes we say or do things we wish we hadn 't said or done … Now , the purpose of fixing " whatever those mistakes are " in a commitment / relationship … is not arguing about it … communication its the key … being able to talk without arguing and allowing your partner to speak without interruption , listening to each other and trust . Never repeating the same mistake twice … is learning from it . There are many keys to a healthy relationship and believe me I just found out recently that its the best feeling in the world to know that love is really beautiful and healthy when you have the main ingredients . Just have a little bit of faith , believe in yourself and don 't worry everyone has a reward awaiting for them . Hold yourself up , don 't be afraid to close your eyes , love is waiting for you . Sometimes , the reward is greater than what you expected it to be , it may take longer for delivery but its worth the wait . First , I am grateful to God for loving me and for being alive also for making it though another year , believe me 2013 was a rough one . I am happy because I 'm able to breathe easier and without stress , I am thankful for my beautiful children because they have been the biggest blessing in my life , I 'm thankful for my adoptive parents Melanie and Sid , they have been an inspiration and great support in my life , since they 've been part of my family I can say I know what it feels like to have real parents . ( I love you Mama and Poppa ) . my home which I almost lost , but by the helping hand of God who kept me strong & my family who didn 't leave my side , they brought it back to the way it used to be and by working together as a team getting all the legal paperwork in place , putting the house back into shape inside and out , ( Thank you guys , I am fortunate to have you in my life . ) I was able to regain control of my home and take possession of it . I 'm comfortable now and sleeping safely . Now , God knew what my heart was missing , how so many times I prayed for someone to hold me . I was afraid to let go of my pride and admit I was empty inside , cried myself to sleep almost every night for years wishing I had someone there with me . I had my share of bad relationships in the past and had gave up on love . I was lonely and needed someone to change my life around , I thought that was never going to happen for me . Thank You God for sending me an amazing man who has rescued me from the mess I was in , makes my life complete , when he smiles at me I see love in his eyes . I live the life I always dreamed because of him , he has transformed me from being a negative person , into someone who knows now that anything can happen as long as you believe in yourself . He accepts me for me and respects my opinions , most of all he loves my kids . He was there to help me regain my strengths when I felt I was loosing it all , and kept by my side even after many tried to keep him apart . Thank you . " In Love Again " , is a short story about how I found real love after years of believing it wasn 't possible . One particular part of my life you already know , if you read my book " I am a Survivor " . I can finally say the cycle has been broken . That part of my life no longer exists . I used to fear my past because of the a bitter taste it left me with and falling in love was the last thing on my mind , but when I met Jorge , I looked into his eyes and knew right away he was different . I realized that in order to move on with my life and come back to reality , I needed to make changes and start a new life . I needed to find the way to fill the emptiness I had in my heart . For years I was walking around with half a heart and no one to fill that empty spot , everyone who came around me was negative , bringing nothing but bad energy into my home and around my children . Many tried to open my eyes to what was real in my life , but I just couldn 't see . I needed to start listening to the positive voices around me , instead of the negative ones . Until Jorge started talking to me and began to open my eyes to reality , I didn 't like what I saw , more the less liked what I heard , but coming from him sounded so much different than from anyone else . I noticed that after so long of waiting for a miracle , and hearing everyone who cared about me telling me to be strong , I would make it through my fears , because fear was just , " False Evidence Appearing Real . " in the end the only one left was my true love , telling me I am here to stay . I found a good man , a loving man , someone who I can trust , hold a conversation with and not worry about him telling me I talk too much . He enjoys my company and tells me how beautiful I look all the time , even on my worst days . He freed me from the emptiness and sadness I was living in , bringing me back to the surface and right back to my feet . He has helped me face all my fears , including the fears of loving again , he reminded me of how beautiful love is , breaking those chains that were holding me down so tightly by showing me the meaning of real love and understanding . He showed me that things are only as complicated as I make them seam not as they appear to be , that whatever doesn 't kill me will only make me stronger , never to allow anyone to tell me any different . He thought me to be grateful for being alive and to love every second , every minute of the hour because only I have the power to control my life and the way I feel . He told me be a mother first before I can be a woman and then everything will fall into place , he said that I was the master of my mind , my body and my soul and no one can control who I am . I remember being in my room and for the first time in my life , I am thinking ; what am I doing ? I am going through my clothes and I have nothing to wear . I am only going to the doctors , ( hello therapy , physical therapy ) I need to be wearing some sneakers and sweat pants now ) , and here I am trying to look sexy , It was a pleasant ride to my doctors visit , after getting acquainted with each other there was a sudden silence as we waited by a red light just about 10 minutes to the doctors office , then he spoke . His first questions was ; do you have any children ? I looked at him and smiled , and I said yes , the conversation began there … It was all about the kids , I noticed there was no wedding ring on his finger but of course that doesn 't mean there 's no marriage so I didn 't bother to ask , I wanted to wait a little longer before I ruined the moment of pleasantness , its not all the time you have a nice looking man with a passion to hear great stories about your kids hold a conversation with you . We shared a few laughs and talked about our country foods , the most embarrassing things my kids ever did to me in public and most importantly to him which I noticed right away was , how did I handled it . Before I noticed he was pulling in front of the doctors office , my ride was over . During my therapy section I was eager to finish just to see Jorge again . I wanted to take that ride home with him , I know I sound desperate but it was just the attention and the conversation , his sense of humor , that great feeling I felt when he made me laugh so hard at one point during our ride to the clinic until my stomach hurt , it make my heart jump . The feeling I had when I saw his eyes . I saw kindness , I saw reality . I saw true love for the first time in years . I was done with physical therapy and called to be picked up , I was disappointed not to see Jorge return for me , I was really hoping to see him again . My regular driver came back instead , I was going to ask him what happened with Jorge but I didn 't dare . As I got into the van and buckled my seat belt the driver asked me ; me : He was very polite and friendly , I think we going to get along just fine . What happened to him ? why didn 't he come back to get me ? I was quiet for the rest of the ride home thinking about what my driver has said and trying hard not to ask him any questions about Jorge , I was good enough for me about the volunteer information I had just received and I wanted to leave just like that . As we arrived to my house my driver informed me that Jorge was going to be taking his route from now own which would make him my permanent driver . I didn 't want to show him to excitement I was feeling inside so instead I replied with ; After that day everything stared , I had something to look forward to , although it was going to the doctors all the time at least I knew the company I was in was a pleasant one . Jorge was now picking me up for a few months and I always got to sit in the front seat if there was no one in the van , he takes good care of his patients and treats them with love and compassion , if they are older and cannot seat in the back he tells me , sorry but my co - pilot is coming and I need them right here with me so can you please take the back seat , he always get 's out of the van and opens the door for them , old or young . He never forgets to say " Good Morning " or " Good Afternoon " , " Have a nice day " , and when they are mean and nasty he says " God bless you Papi or Mami " " Hope you have a Great Day " ! ! ! which he hardly ever gets any of those . He loves his job . I will never forget the words Jorge said to me which started the change in my health and made it better . Majority of the people he picks up are older and have major issues . Some can 't even hardly walk , the other half are in wheelchairs . This is what Jorge said ; Jorge : everything . If you can 't love yourself for who you are and accept yourself how would you feel ? you need to change all the things that make you feel sick , all the negative things in your life , get rid of them , look at yourself in the mirror and say yesterday is gone and today is the beginning of a new day and fight for now . If you work on what you need to survive you will stay focus on the main issues like your diabetes and your heart , then you know what needs to be done to avoid being sick everyday or waiting for a heart attack to strike . If you know you overweight , then you know that eating healthy and walking , swimming or exercising can help reduce those risks can help you then use your mind and those sources which you have on hand and do them . Jeannette your problems are more mental than you think . Jorge : Jeannette , I like you , I really like you , it 's been 4 months since we have known each other , you know everything about me and I know everything about you , well almost everything . I want to help you understand that sometimes in life what appears to be real to you may not be , its only real because you have allowed it to be for that moment because you feel its an alternative , being sick is not an alternative , being alive and healthy for your children is , and is a responsibility , living is something to look forward to , if you 're sick you are not good for them because you can 't help them , what are you teaching them ? its negative and a vibe you need to examine and eliminate , only you can do this . Its the advise I offer you for now . Here I am , a change woman , no stress 165 pounds healthier , no longer taking cholesterol medication , my endocrinologist says my sugar levels never looked better I 'm no longer taking insulin as many times as I did before only one time at bedtime 10 units . I am happy . Every day since I met him I have regain my strengths , he has brought joy to our lives , he has made all the wrongs , right and became my voice when I couldn 't speak . I am blessed for having him in our life 's . He has been the light in my darkness shining through , I 'm in a better place because of his love for me . Michael is happy knowing he has someone in his life who he can confide in , someone who understands him most importantly Jorge its there for him whenever he needs him . Michael knows he can speak to him without hesitation about anything and Jorge is always ready to listen . Jorge has become a big part in my Son 's life . He has thought him to be confident and to believe in himself . He has shown him support stands by his side at every given moment . He has become Michael 's closest friend . I always asked myself when will my turn to happiness come ? Then I realized that when God was ready to make my dreams come true , I was going to know . Jorge was part of those dreams , I fell in love again , " real love " . I heard so many people say different things , like ; you trying too hard , he 's not the right man for you , wait for for a sign , you 're too old to start looking for romance , look at your past failures , relationships are not for you , you should wait for your kids to get married and leave . It felt like they were trying to shattered my dreams just because they saw me moving forward with my life , but I knew that this was my time . Sometimes when I happened to be praying or asking God for a solution to my problems or an answer to a question I seek , I looked up at the sky , and I will see these amazing things come out of nowhere … . Take a look … an aurora in mid - day how beautiful is that ? whatever my question was at time it was an answer with this magnificent aurora which developed right before my eyes and I was reassured that I was going to be just fine . The weather that day was beautiful there was no need for an aurora , and it was only around 3 P . M Terry : Don 't worry . I wont mess it up this time , Jorge is staying . He is good to mom , and he is good to you and me . Terry has a strong character , sometimes she can be difficult to even talk to … but Jorge has shown me that no matter how difficult kids can be , taking your time to stop and listen to what they have to say is worth all the time in the world . We need to set time aside from our busy schedules and listen to our children . When you start listening , really listening , they start delivering what you have been asking for a long time . Now moving along … I will like to discuss a subject regarding the Hufftington Post . A certain someone , send out a message this morning which shocked a few people including me and had a some of us shaking our heads … I must say … based on majority of the answers from the people who responded to the said post , I have not seen as many people coming together in one place , like I did this morning … The " ignorance " ( and I apologize but I have to say it was ) on that said post , had a reaction that impacted a lot of people … including me … and people united with their comments , even though the attack of some of the commentators were sort of ugly towards the writer … now that was to be expected when you write something so idiotic without choosing your words … also based on the fact that racism was used … now that 's a huge " You don 't go there " … if you looked at the picture closely the character did not look black , I must agree she looked orange , sort of like an um - pa lumpa from " Willy Wonka and the Chocolate factory " … lol , ( please take no offense ) … and as many people mention this is Halloween and dressing up is a fun thing for many people . I remember when I used to dress - up like wonder - woman as a child and I hardly was able to breath underneath those plastic mask , damn nose wholes were so small … I remember running into the walls could not even see my way around … My cousin pulled the mask away from my face at one point and the rubber band holding the mask together smacked my face so hard I had a nose bleed … those days were fun … I am sure no harm was intended … then again … That was " Life as we know it " once we collected our candy … the mask was off … I went out and played with my lemon twist … times have changed … does anyone remember the click clacks clackers ? those were the best in the 70 's they hurt like hell , but were fun to play with . any ways moving along . We need politics to keep things in place … but what we don 't need is chaos … we have enough to deal with in our lives to continue turning the channels because the News are too chaotic to watch these days , I rather watch movies without commercials or just turn the TV set off rather than to hear the News , there is too much drama going on … too much more than before , then they say ( its going down … look at the numbers , the rates this year are lower than the last ) on what ? crime ? poverty ? homelessness ? child abuse ? domestic violence ? gun violence ? Hit and runs ? animal abuse ? kidnapping ? budget cuts ? rape ? so much more … What Congress needs to know is that the people is honest enough to stand on line on election day and regardless of who they trust to place their Vote for , they do it because they Believe in their word … We Vote because we Believe that you can make it happen if we have you elected and place you in that beautiful white house … We trust you … Weather you win or loose , whose ever team you 're in we still sit there waiting and anticipating to see who gets elected , and hope that we see good changes for the benefit of all human kind …
|
I wonder what really captions an audience ? Is it the photographs of exotic places or the weird looking things that are captured on video these days ? I don 't know , whatever it is has the social media nowadays growing at a very fast speed . I 'm going to share a video with you , I love the lyrics as well as these Amazing talented Artists . I think they are awesome ! ! You Rock ! ! I am a writer , a writer of the truth . I take my time to put my words together . I take what I do and say very seriously . I know how to accept criticism as well as sarcasm . I 'm kind and humble , I 'm always willing to lend a hand without any hesitation . I 've been taken advantage of in numerous of occasions only because I think with my heart instead of using my head , but , I 'm writing a separate book for those who have taken that route with me . " what goes around comes around " and then some . I know and understand that in the world of Bloggers and Journalists you either got it or you don 't … you stand tall or you fall … its just the way it goes … that 's a chance we have to take . I love this world . I am happy just to feel my fingers typing , knowing I have something to say and share with you . I 've been writing for so long , I can 't even begin to tell you how many years it 's been . I love this environment , the people who share the same feeling as me should understand how great this feeling is . I love it here because of your great attitudes and positive ways of thinking , we don 't actually have to personally know one another to share the same feelings or appreciate each others work . I love the atmosphere , and how some of you still feel the same way I do about books , we miss the way a book feels when you hold it in your hands , the feel of the pages , the smell . We are Writers , Journalists we love a story just as much as the next person . We love it all ! Pretty simple . For all those who love to dream with your eyes open … It 's possible here … You can be a dreamer , you can be royal , you can wear diamonds or maybe crystals , you can live any fantasy , you don 't come here for money , just to share what you have with the world . Everyone has a story to tell . Everyone wants to spread their wings . So , spread them as far as you can and dream , make those dreams reality . Sometimes we say or do things we wish we hadn 't said or done … Now , the purpose of fixing " whatever those mistakes are " in a commitment / relationship … is not arguing about it … communication its the key … being able to talk without arguing and allowing your partner to speak without interruption , listening to each other and trust . Never repeating the same mistake twice … is learning from it . There are many keys to a healthy relationship and believe me I just found out recently that its the best feeling in the world to know that love is really beautiful and healthy when you have the main ingredients . Just have a little bit of faith , believe in yourself and don 't worry everyone has a reward awaiting for them . Hold yourself up , don 't be afraid to close your eyes , love is waiting for you . Sometimes , the reward is greater than what you expected it to be , it may take longer for delivery but its worth the wait . First , I am grateful to God for loving me and for being alive also for making it though another year , believe me 2013 was a rough one . I am happy because I 'm able to breathe easier and without stress , I am thankful for my beautiful children because they have been the biggest blessing in my life , I 'm thankful for my adoptive parents Melanie and Sid , they have been an inspiration and great support in my life , since they 've been part of my family I can say I know what it feels like to have real parents . ( I love you Mama and Poppa ) . my home which I almost lost , but by the helping hand of God who kept me strong & my family who didn 't leave my side , they brought it back to the way it used to be and by working together as a team getting all the legal paperwork in place , putting the house back into shape inside and out , ( Thank you guys , I am fortunate to have you in my life . ) I was able to regain control of my home and take possession of it . I 'm comfortable now and sleeping safely . Now , God knew what my heart was missing , how so many times I prayed for someone to hold me . I was afraid to let go of my pride and admit I was empty inside , cried myself to sleep almost every night for years wishing I had someone there with me . I had my share of bad relationships in the past and had gave up on love . I was lonely and needed someone to change my life around , I thought that was never going to happen for me . Thank You God for sending me an amazing man who has rescued me from the mess I was in , makes my life complete , when he smiles at me I see love in his eyes . I live the life I always dreamed because of him , he has transformed me from being a negative person , into someone who knows now that anything can happen as long as you believe in yourself . He accepts me for me and respects my opinions , most of all he loves my kids . He was there to help me regain my strengths when I felt I was loosing it all , and kept by my side even after many tried to keep him apart . Thank you . " In Love Again " , is a short story about how I found real love after years of believing it wasn 't possible . One particular part of my life you already know , if you read my book " I am a Survivor " . I can finally say the cycle has been broken . That part of my life no longer exists . I used to fear my past because of the a bitter taste it left me with and falling in love was the last thing on my mind , but when I met Jorge , I looked into his eyes and knew right away he was different . I realized that in order to move on with my life and come back to reality , I needed to make changes and start a new life . I needed to find the way to fill the emptiness I had in my heart . For years I was walking around with half a heart and no one to fill that empty spot , everyone who came around me was negative , bringing nothing but bad energy into my home and around my children . Many tried to open my eyes to what was real in my life , but I just couldn 't see . I needed to start listening to the positive voices around me , instead of the negative ones . Until Jorge started talking to me and began to open my eyes to reality , I didn 't like what I saw , more the less liked what I heard , but coming from him sounded so much different than from anyone else . I noticed that after so long of waiting for a miracle , and hearing everyone who cared about me telling me to be strong , I would make it through my fears , because fear was just , " False Evidence Appearing Real . " in the end the only one left was my true love , telling me I am here to stay . I found a good man , a loving man , someone who I can trust , hold a conversation with and not worry about him telling me I talk too much . He enjoys my company and tells me how beautiful I look all the time , even on my worst days . He freed me from the emptiness and sadness I was living in , bringing me back to the surface and right back to my feet . He has helped me face all my fears , including the fears of loving again , he reminded me of how beautiful love is , breaking those chains that were holding me down so tightly by showing me the meaning of real love and understanding . He showed me that things are only as complicated as I make them seam not as they appear to be , that whatever doesn 't kill me will only make me stronger , never to allow anyone to tell me any different . He thought me to be grateful for being alive and to love every second , every minute of the hour because only I have the power to control my life and the way I feel . He told me be a mother first before I can be a woman and then everything will fall into place , he said that I was the master of my mind , my body and my soul and no one can control who I am . I remember being in my room and for the first time in my life , I am thinking ; what am I doing ? I am going through my clothes and I have nothing to wear . I am only going to the doctors , ( hello therapy , physical therapy ) I need to be wearing some sneakers and sweat pants now ) , and here I am trying to look sexy , It was a pleasant ride to my doctors visit , after getting acquainted with each other there was a sudden silence as we waited by a red light just about 10 minutes to the doctors office , then he spoke . His first questions was ; do you have any children ? I looked at him and smiled , and I said yes , the conversation began there … It was all about the kids , I noticed there was no wedding ring on his finger but of course that doesn 't mean there 's no marriage so I didn 't bother to ask , I wanted to wait a little longer before I ruined the moment of pleasantness , its not all the time you have a nice looking man with a passion to hear great stories about your kids hold a conversation with you . We shared a few laughs and talked about our country foods , the most embarrassing things my kids ever did to me in public and most importantly to him which I noticed right away was , how did I handled it . Before I noticed he was pulling in front of the doctors office , my ride was over . During my therapy section I was eager to finish just to see Jorge again . I wanted to take that ride home with him , I know I sound desperate but it was just the attention and the conversation , his sense of humor , that great feeling I felt when he made me laugh so hard at one point during our ride to the clinic until my stomach hurt , it make my heart jump . The feeling I had when I saw his eyes . I saw kindness , I saw reality . I saw true love for the first time in years . I was done with physical therapy and called to be picked up , I was disappointed not to see Jorge return for me , I was really hoping to see him again . My regular driver came back instead , I was going to ask him what happened with Jorge but I didn 't dare . As I got into the van and buckled my seat belt the driver asked me ; me : He was very polite and friendly , I think we going to get along just fine . What happened to him ? why didn 't he come back to get me ? I was quiet for the rest of the ride home thinking about what my driver has said and trying hard not to ask him any questions about Jorge , I was good enough for me about the volunteer information I had just received and I wanted to leave just like that . As we arrived to my house my driver informed me that Jorge was going to be taking his route from now own which would make him my permanent driver . I didn 't want to show him to excitement I was feeling inside so instead I replied with ; After that day everything stared , I had something to look forward to , although it was going to the doctors all the time at least I knew the company I was in was a pleasant one . Jorge was now picking me up for a few months and I always got to sit in the front seat if there was no one in the van , he takes good care of his patients and treats them with love and compassion , if they are older and cannot seat in the back he tells me , sorry but my co - pilot is coming and I need them right here with me so can you please take the back seat , he always get 's out of the van and opens the door for them , old or young . He never forgets to say " Good Morning " or " Good Afternoon " , " Have a nice day " , and when they are mean and nasty he says " God bless you Papi or Mami " " Hope you have a Great Day " ! ! ! which he hardly ever gets any of those . He loves his job . I will never forget the words Jorge said to me which started the change in my health and made it better . Majority of the people he picks up are older and have major issues . Some can 't even hardly walk , the other half are in wheelchairs . This is what Jorge said ; Jorge : everything . If you can 't love yourself for who you are and accept yourself how would you feel ? you need to change all the things that make you feel sick , all the negative things in your life , get rid of them , look at yourself in the mirror and say yesterday is gone and today is the beginning of a new day and fight for now . If you work on what you need to survive you will stay focus on the main issues like your diabetes and your heart , then you know what needs to be done to avoid being sick everyday or waiting for a heart attack to strike . If you know you overweight , then you know that eating healthy and walking , swimming or exercising can help reduce those risks can help you then use your mind and those sources which you have on hand and do them . Jeannette your problems are more mental than you think . Jorge : Jeannette , I like you , I really like you , it 's been 4 months since we have known each other , you know everything about me and I know everything about you , well almost everything . I want to help you understand that sometimes in life what appears to be real to you may not be , its only real because you have allowed it to be for that moment because you feel its an alternative , being sick is not an alternative , being alive and healthy for your children is , and is a responsibility , living is something to look forward to , if you 're sick you are not good for them because you can 't help them , what are you teaching them ? its negative and a vibe you need to examine and eliminate , only you can do this . Its the advise I offer you for now . Here I am , a change woman , no stress 165 pounds healthier , no longer taking cholesterol medication , my endocrinologist says my sugar levels never looked better I 'm no longer taking insulin as many times as I did before only one time at bedtime 10 units . I am happy . Every day since I met him I have regain my strengths , he has brought joy to our lives , he has made all the wrongs , right and became my voice when I couldn 't speak . I am blessed for having him in our life 's . He has been the light in my darkness shining through , I 'm in a better place because of his love for me . Michael is happy knowing he has someone in his life who he can confide in , someone who understands him most importantly Jorge its there for him whenever he needs him . Michael knows he can speak to him without hesitation about anything and Jorge is always ready to listen . Jorge has become a big part in my Son 's life . He has thought him to be confident and to believe in himself . He has shown him support stands by his side at every given moment . He has become Michael 's closest friend . I always asked myself when will my turn to happiness come ? Then I realized that when God was ready to make my dreams come true , I was going to know . Jorge was part of those dreams , I fell in love again , " real love " . I heard so many people say different things , like ; you trying too hard , he 's not the right man for you , wait for for a sign , you 're too old to start looking for romance , look at your past failures , relationships are not for you , you should wait for your kids to get married and leave . It felt like they were trying to shattered my dreams just because they saw me moving forward with my life , but I knew that this was my time . Sometimes when I happened to be praying or asking God for a solution to my problems or an answer to a question I seek , I looked up at the sky , and I will see these amazing things come out of nowhere … . Take a look … an aurora in mid - day how beautiful is that ? whatever my question was at time it was an answer with this magnificent aurora which developed right before my eyes and I was reassured that I was going to be just fine . The weather that day was beautiful there was no need for an aurora , and it was only around 3 P . M Terry : Don 't worry . I wont mess it up this time , Jorge is staying . He is good to mom , and he is good to you and me . Terry has a strong character , sometimes she can be difficult to even talk to … but Jorge has shown me that no matter how difficult kids can be , taking your time to stop and listen to what they have to say is worth all the time in the world . We need to set time aside from our busy schedules and listen to our children . When you start listening , really listening , they start delivering what you have been asking for a long time . Now moving along … I will like to discuss a subject regarding the Hufftington Post . A certain someone , send out a message this morning which shocked a few people including me and had a some of us shaking our heads … I must say … based on majority of the answers from the people who responded to the said post , I have not seen as many people coming together in one place , like I did this morning … The " ignorance " ( and I apologize but I have to say it was ) on that said post , had a reaction that impacted a lot of people … including me … and people united with their comments , even though the attack of some of the commentators were sort of ugly towards the writer … now that was to be expected when you write something so idiotic without choosing your words … also based on the fact that racism was used … now that 's a huge " You don 't go there " … if you looked at the picture closely the character did not look black , I must agree she looked orange , sort of like an um - pa lumpa from " Willy Wonka and the Chocolate factory " … lol , ( please take no offense ) … and as many people mention this is Halloween and dressing up is a fun thing for many people . I remember when I used to dress - up like wonder - woman as a child and I hardly was able to breath underneath those plastic mask , damn nose wholes were so small … I remember running into the walls could not even see my way around … My cousin pulled the mask away from my face at one point and the rubber band holding the mask together smacked my face so hard I had a nose bleed … those days were fun … I am sure no harm was intended … then again … That was " Life as we know it " once we collected our candy … the mask was off … I went out and played with my lemon twist … times have changed … does anyone remember the click clacks clackers ? those were the best in the 70 's they hurt like hell , but were fun to play with . any ways moving along . We need politics to keep things in place … but what we don 't need is chaos … we have enough to deal with in our lives to continue turning the channels because the News are too chaotic to watch these days , I rather watch movies without commercials or just turn the TV set off rather than to hear the News , there is too much drama going on … too much more than before , then they say ( its going down … look at the numbers , the rates this year are lower than the last ) on what ? crime ? poverty ? homelessness ? child abuse ? domestic violence ? gun violence ? Hit and runs ? animal abuse ? kidnapping ? budget cuts ? rape ? so much more … What Congress needs to know is that the people is honest enough to stand on line on election day and regardless of who they trust to place their Vote for , they do it because they Believe in their word … We Vote because we Believe that you can make it happen if we have you elected and place you in that beautiful white house … We trust you … Weather you win or loose , whose ever team you 're in we still sit there waiting and anticipating to see who gets elected , and hope that we see good changes for the benefit of all human kind …
|
I wonder what really captions an audience ? Is it the photographs of exotic places or the weird looking things that are captured on video these days ? I don 't know , whatever it is has the social media nowadays growing at a very fast speed . I 'm going to share a video with you , I love the lyrics as well as these Amazing talented Artists . I think they are awesome ! ! You Rock ! ! I am a writer , a writer of the truth . I take my time to put my words together . I take what I do and say very seriously . I know how to accept criticism as well as sarcasm . I 'm kind and humble , I 'm always willing to lend a hand without any hesitation . I 've been taken advantage of in numerous of occasions only because I think with my heart instead of using my head , but , I 'm writing a separate book for those who have taken that route with me . " what goes around comes around " and then some . I know and understand that in the world of Bloggers and Journalists you either got it or you don 't … you stand tall or you fall … its just the way it goes … that 's a chance we have to take . I love this world . I am happy just to feel my fingers typing , knowing I have something to say and share with you . I 've been writing for so long , I can 't even begin to tell you how many years it 's been . I love this environment , the people who share the same feeling as me should understand how great this feeling is . I love it here because of your great attitudes and positive ways of thinking , we don 't actually have to personally know one another to share the same feelings or appreciate each others work . I love the atmosphere , and how some of you still feel the same way I do about books , we miss the way a book feels when you hold it in your hands , the feel of the pages , the smell . We are Writers , Journalists we love a story just as much as the next person . We love it all ! Pretty simple . For all those who love to dream with your eyes open … It 's possible here … You can be a dreamer , you can be royal , you can wear diamonds or maybe crystals , you can live any fantasy , you don 't come here for money , just to share what you have with the world . Everyone has a story to tell . Everyone wants to spread their wings . So , spread them as far as you can and dream , make those dreams reality . Sometimes we say or do things we wish we hadn 't said or done … Now , the purpose of fixing " whatever those mistakes are " in a commitment / relationship … is not arguing about it … communication its the key … being able to talk without arguing and allowing your partner to speak without interruption , listening to each other and trust . Never repeating the same mistake twice … is learning from it . There are many keys to a healthy relationship and believe me I just found out recently that its the best feeling in the world to know that love is really beautiful and healthy when you have the main ingredients . Just have a little bit of faith , believe in yourself and don 't worry everyone has a reward awaiting for them . Hold yourself up , don 't be afraid to close your eyes , love is waiting for you . Sometimes , the reward is greater than what you expected it to be , it may take longer for delivery but its worth the wait . First , I am grateful to God for loving me and for being alive also for making it though another year , believe me 2013 was a rough one . I am happy because I 'm able to breathe easier and without stress , I am thankful for my beautiful children because they have been the biggest blessing in my life , I 'm thankful for my adoptive parents Melanie and Sid , they have been an inspiration and great support in my life , since they 've been part of my family I can say I know what it feels like to have real parents . ( I love you Mama and Poppa ) . my home which I almost lost , but by the helping hand of God who kept me strong & my family who didn 't leave my side , they brought it back to the way it used to be and by working together as a team getting all the legal paperwork in place , putting the house back into shape inside and out , ( Thank you guys , I am fortunate to have you in my life . ) I was able to regain control of my home and take possession of it . I 'm comfortable now and sleeping safely . Now , God knew what my heart was missing , how so many times I prayed for someone to hold me . I was afraid to let go of my pride and admit I was empty inside , cried myself to sleep almost every night for years wishing I had someone there with me . I had my share of bad relationships in the past and had gave up on love . I was lonely and needed someone to change my life around , I thought that was never going to happen for me . Thank You God for sending me an amazing man who has rescued me from the mess I was in , makes my life complete , when he smiles at me I see love in his eyes . I live the life I always dreamed because of him , he has transformed me from being a negative person , into someone who knows now that anything can happen as long as you believe in yourself . He accepts me for me and respects my opinions , most of all he loves my kids . He was there to help me regain my strengths when I felt I was loosing it all , and kept by my side even after many tried to keep him apart . Thank you . " In Love Again " , is a short story about how I found real love after years of believing it wasn 't possible . One particular part of my life you already know , if you read my book " I am a Survivor " . I can finally say the cycle has been broken . That part of my life no longer exists . I used to fear my past because of the a bitter taste it left me with and falling in love was the last thing on my mind , but when I met Jorge , I looked into his eyes and knew right away he was different . I realized that in order to move on with my life and come back to reality , I needed to make changes and start a new life . I needed to find the way to fill the emptiness I had in my heart . For years I was walking around with half a heart and no one to fill that empty spot , everyone who came around me was negative , bringing nothing but bad energy into my home and around my children . Many tried to open my eyes to what was real in my life , but I just couldn 't see . I needed to start listening to the positive voices around me , instead of the negative ones . Until Jorge started talking to me and began to open my eyes to reality , I didn 't like what I saw , more the less liked what I heard , but coming from him sounded so much different than from anyone else . I noticed that after so long of waiting for a miracle , and hearing everyone who cared about me telling me to be strong , I would make it through my fears , because fear was just , " False Evidence Appearing Real . " in the end the only one left was my true love , telling me I am here to stay . I found a good man , a loving man , someone who I can trust , hold a conversation with and not worry about him telling me I talk too much . He enjoys my company and tells me how beautiful I look all the time , even on my worst days . He freed me from the emptiness and sadness I was living in , bringing me back to the surface and right back to my feet . He has helped me face all my fears , including the fears of loving again , he reminded me of how beautiful love is , breaking those chains that were holding me down so tightly by showing me the meaning of real love and understanding . He showed me that things are only as complicated as I make them seam not as they appear to be , that whatever doesn 't kill me will only make me stronger , never to allow anyone to tell me any different . He thought me to be grateful for being alive and to love every second , every minute of the hour because only I have the power to control my life and the way I feel . He told me be a mother first before I can be a woman and then everything will fall into place , he said that I was the master of my mind , my body and my soul and no one can control who I am . I remember being in my room and for the first time in my life , I am thinking ; what am I doing ? I am going through my clothes and I have nothing to wear . I am only going to the doctors , ( hello therapy , physical therapy ) I need to be wearing some sneakers and sweat pants now ) , and here I am trying to look sexy , It was a pleasant ride to my doctors visit , after getting acquainted with each other there was a sudden silence as we waited by a red light just about 10 minutes to the doctors office , then he spoke . His first questions was ; do you have any children ? I looked at him and smiled , and I said yes , the conversation began there … It was all about the kids , I noticed there was no wedding ring on his finger but of course that doesn 't mean there 's no marriage so I didn 't bother to ask , I wanted to wait a little longer before I ruined the moment of pleasantness , its not all the time you have a nice looking man with a passion to hear great stories about your kids hold a conversation with you . We shared a few laughs and talked about our country foods , the most embarrassing things my kids ever did to me in public and most importantly to him which I noticed right away was , how did I handled it . Before I noticed he was pulling in front of the doctors office , my ride was over . During my therapy section I was eager to finish just to see Jorge again . I wanted to take that ride home with him , I know I sound desperate but it was just the attention and the conversation , his sense of humor , that great feeling I felt when he made me laugh so hard at one point during our ride to the clinic until my stomach hurt , it make my heart jump . The feeling I had when I saw his eyes . I saw kindness , I saw reality . I saw true love for the first time in years . I was done with physical therapy and called to be picked up , I was disappointed not to see Jorge return for me , I was really hoping to see him again . My regular driver came back instead , I was going to ask him what happened with Jorge but I didn 't dare . As I got into the van and buckled my seat belt the driver asked me ; me : He was very polite and friendly , I think we going to get along just fine . What happened to him ? why didn 't he come back to get me ? I was quiet for the rest of the ride home thinking about what my driver has said and trying hard not to ask him any questions about Jorge , I was good enough for me about the volunteer information I had just received and I wanted to leave just like that . As we arrived to my house my driver informed me that Jorge was going to be taking his route from now own which would make him my permanent driver . I didn 't want to show him to excitement I was feeling inside so instead I replied with ; After that day everything stared , I had something to look forward to , although it was going to the doctors all the time at least I knew the company I was in was a pleasant one . Jorge was now picking me up for a few months and I always got to sit in the front seat if there was no one in the van , he takes good care of his patients and treats them with love and compassion , if they are older and cannot seat in the back he tells me , sorry but my co - pilot is coming and I need them right here with me so can you please take the back seat , he always get 's out of the van and opens the door for them , old or young . He never forgets to say " Good Morning " or " Good Afternoon " , " Have a nice day " , and when they are mean and nasty he says " God bless you Papi or Mami " " Hope you have a Great Day " ! ! ! which he hardly ever gets any of those . He loves his job . I will never forget the words Jorge said to me which started the change in my health and made it better . Majority of the people he picks up are older and have major issues . Some can 't even hardly walk , the other half are in wheelchairs . This is what Jorge said ; Jorge : everything . If you can 't love yourself for who you are and accept yourself how would you feel ? you need to change all the things that make you feel sick , all the negative things in your life , get rid of them , look at yourself in the mirror and say yesterday is gone and today is the beginning of a new day and fight for now . If you work on what you need to survive you will stay focus on the main issues like your diabetes and your heart , then you know what needs to be done to avoid being sick everyday or waiting for a heart attack to strike . If you know you overweight , then you know that eating healthy and walking , swimming or exercising can help reduce those risks can help you then use your mind and those sources which you have on hand and do them . Jeannette your problems are more mental than you think . Jorge : Jeannette , I like you , I really like you , it 's been 4 months since we have known each other , you know everything about me and I know everything about you , well almost everything . I want to help you understand that sometimes in life what appears to be real to you may not be , its only real because you have allowed it to be for that moment because you feel its an alternative , being sick is not an alternative , being alive and healthy for your children is , and is a responsibility , living is something to look forward to , if you 're sick you are not good for them because you can 't help them , what are you teaching them ? its negative and a vibe you need to examine and eliminate , only you can do this . Its the advise I offer you for now . Here I am , a change woman , no stress 165 pounds healthier , no longer taking cholesterol medication , my endocrinologist says my sugar levels never looked better I 'm no longer taking insulin as many times as I did before only one time at bedtime 10 units . I am happy . Every day since I met him I have regain my strengths , he has brought joy to our lives , he has made all the wrongs , right and became my voice when I couldn 't speak . I am blessed for having him in our life 's . He has been the light in my darkness shining through , I 'm in a better place because of his love for me . Michael is happy knowing he has someone in his life who he can confide in , someone who understands him most importantly Jorge its there for him whenever he needs him . Michael knows he can speak to him without hesitation about anything and Jorge is always ready to listen . Jorge has become a big part in my Son 's life . He has thought him to be confident and to believe in himself . He has shown him support stands by his side at every given moment . He has become Michael 's closest friend . I always asked myself when will my turn to happiness come ? Then I realized that when God was ready to make my dreams come true , I was going to know . Jorge was part of those dreams , I fell in love again , " real love " . I heard so many people say different things , like ; you trying too hard , he 's not the right man for you , wait for for a sign , you 're too old to start looking for romance , look at your past failures , relationships are not for you , you should wait for your kids to get married and leave . It felt like they were trying to shattered my dreams just because they saw me moving forward with my life , but I knew that this was my time . Sometimes when I happened to be praying or asking God for a solution to my problems or an answer to a question I seek , I looked up at the sky , and I will see these amazing things come out of nowhere … . Take a look … an aurora in mid - day how beautiful is that ? whatever my question was at time it was an answer with this magnificent aurora which developed right before my eyes and I was reassured that I was going to be just fine . The weather that day was beautiful there was no need for an aurora , and it was only around 3 P . M Terry : Don 't worry . I wont mess it up this time , Jorge is staying . He is good to mom , and he is good to you and me . Terry has a strong character , sometimes she can be difficult to even talk to … but Jorge has shown me that no matter how difficult kids can be , taking your time to stop and listen to what they have to say is worth all the time in the world . We need to set time aside from our busy schedules and listen to our children . When you start listening , really listening , they start delivering what you have been asking for a long time . Now moving along … I will like to discuss a subject regarding the Hufftington Post . A certain someone , send out a message this morning which shocked a few people including me and had a some of us shaking our heads … I must say … based on majority of the answers from the people who responded to the said post , I have not seen as many people coming together in one place , like I did this morning … The " ignorance " ( and I apologize but I have to say it was ) on that said post , had a reaction that impacted a lot of people … including me … and people united with their comments , even though the attack of some of the commentators were sort of ugly towards the writer … now that was to be expected when you write something so idiotic without choosing your words … also based on the fact that racism was used … now that 's a huge " You don 't go there " … if you looked at the picture closely the character did not look black , I must agree she looked orange , sort of like an um - pa lumpa from " Willy Wonka and the Chocolate factory " … lol , ( please take no offense ) … and as many people mention this is Halloween and dressing up is a fun thing for many people . I remember when I used to dress - up like wonder - woman as a child and I hardly was able to breath underneath those plastic mask , damn nose wholes were so small … I remember running into the walls could not even see my way around … My cousin pulled the mask away from my face at one point and the rubber band holding the mask together smacked my face so hard I had a nose bleed … those days were fun … I am sure no harm was intended … then again … That was " Life as we know it " once we collected our candy … the mask was off … I went out and played with my lemon twist … times have changed … does anyone remember the click clacks clackers ? those were the best in the 70 's they hurt like hell , but were fun to play with . any ways moving along . We need politics to keep things in place … but what we don 't need is chaos … we have enough to deal with in our lives to continue turning the channels because the News are too chaotic to watch these days , I rather watch movies without commercials or just turn the TV set off rather than to hear the News , there is too much drama going on … too much more than before , then they say ( its going down … look at the numbers , the rates this year are lower than the last ) on what ? crime ? poverty ? homelessness ? child abuse ? domestic violence ? gun violence ? Hit and runs ? animal abuse ? kidnapping ? budget cuts ? rape ? so much more … What Congress needs to know is that the people is honest enough to stand on line on election day and regardless of who they trust to place their Vote for , they do it because they Believe in their word … We Vote because we Believe that you can make it happen if we have you elected and place you in that beautiful white house … We trust you … Weather you win or loose , whose ever team you 're in we still sit there waiting and anticipating to see who gets elected , and hope that we see good changes for the benefit of all human kind …
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I went to see Usher , Trey Songz , and special guests at Madison Square Garden . This was one of the last things I did with the group : ( We had so much fun ! I also went with Andreas family to tour Google with Dale . Google is an amazing place . . . free food , exercise machines , scooters , and fun meeting places . I had lunch with Brianna for the last time : ( we went and had sandwiches . . . . she then gave me a frame from NYC with our group picture from Jason Castro . After that I went to the girls apartment to hang out and get ready for the party : ) Then I checked out of The New Yorker . . . . . went to the party with the group . . . . . where we ate food , watched movies , made a gingerbread house ! Late that night it was time to say goodbye : ( Me and Lisa cried and hugged a million times ! It was SO sad and hard to walk out the door . Was my last day at Project Sunshine . I helped send off hundreds of toys for the holidays . Then said my goodbyes and headed to the interns last hospital event at the Hospital for Special Surgery . We made popcorn ball ornaments out of candy which was so much fun for the kids . After the event I said bye to the other interns . . . . I will miss them so much and will miss having a job to do everyday but will have one again soon enough . Later I went to my secret santa party where I was given a scarf and topogan from Jenna and I bought Lisa christmas items for her new apartment : ) Then we all watched Elf and enjoyed being with each other for the last time . Went to church with Brianna at Cityvine . The sermon was great as usual . Then I had to say bye again : ( I have just started to get to know and be comfortable at this church and now it is time to leave . . . saying good bye is not fun but I plan to come back and keep in touch with everyone : ) . After church me and Brianna went to eat where I ate a delicious BBQ chicken pizza that was yummy ! Then I stayed in my room the rest of the day since the weather is so gross . . . I sent teddy bears that were donated to us for different hospitals out . Then we started putting things together for our Naughty and Nice event . This entailed going to our storage facility and picking up a few boxes . The car service that was supposed to pick us up from there cancelled so it all became drama filled very quickly ! But me , Heidi , and Stephen finally made it back to the office . Then I sent more teddy bears out . I could not get away from work fast enough ! Everyone was going around crazy all day and the office was filled with boxes . So I left and went to Duane Reade for a snack and to buy some last minute items for my outfit I am wearing for the event . Then Kathleen and Brianna were waiting on me to eat but I had a left over burrito to eat from lunch . So they bought pizza and we just hung out for the rest of the night . Then I went back to my room and managed to lose my remote to the TV . . . . still have no clue what I did with it : ( Today is almost my last day ! ! ! I have sent off two boxes of teddy bears and helped Marisa with a few things and that is it ! Tonight is the big Naughty and Nice event where I will be helping at the Registration table . . I am told the event will be fun but we shall see . . . it is a fundraiser for Project Sunshine where we invited Young Professionals . . hope to see some celebs maybe : ) Well my day started with happy news from my sister : ) so excited for her ! ! ! Then I went to work . . . my second to last Friday there : ) Then after work I had to pay for school tuition : ( which reminded my class days are soon to begin again . . . . After work I went and helped my friends paint their new apartment ! It is a two story apartment that is great ! Who would have thought you could find an affordable place that was nice with a backyard in Manhattan ! Late that night we went to Tick Tock to eat dinner because we were tired and starving . Then it was off to bed . . I had a train to catch in the morning . I headed to Long Island early on Saturday . Brianna picked me up at the station and we went and picked me up some Ugg cleaner at a place called Lowmans . Then we went to Main Street but it was way too cold to be outside so we went to her house and got warm while watching CSI Miami ! Later Kathleen came and joined us then we went to go see The Next Three Days with Brianna 's parents Dan and Rose . . . the movie was amazing ! It definitely kept us guessing the whole time . Then we went back to their house and got pizza for dinner followed with more CSI Miami . We went to Brianna 's church which is Episcopal and so it was very different from what I am used to . But going meant alot to her and let me learn more about other religions and also about her families beliefs . Then we went to Smoky Al 's a barbecue place that was very good . The cornbread was probably my favorite part because it was moist and yummy . . . reminded me of home ! Then me , Brianna , and Kathleen baked cookies all afternoon . I wondered why we were catching such a late train back to the city . . . come to find out Brianna had planned with her Nanny to make a goodbye meal for me . . . her whole family was there except for her sister and was so nice . We ate and talked and just enjoyed each others socializing . . . I was really tired but staying late was so worth it ! I will miss all of them very much ! They are a great family and are always entertaining : ) Sunday night I arrived back late to my room . So I talked to mom on the phone and then headed to bed . I missed graduations and showers but it was great to be doing my own thing and having my own plans for a change : ) Monday December 6 After work I went to Shake Shack with Brianna and Kathleen : ) so yummy ! Peanut Butter Shake . . . ( The diet starts when I get back on Texas soil . . . maybe ) Now I am waiting on Gossip Girl to start and hang out with Lisa ! I am going to miss these girls I worked on cleaning my back area at work all day because it is a mess . Then after work me Brianna and Kathleen went to Shake Shack . This place is a popular burger and shake joint but to me it was nothing special . We had mine and Stephen farewell lunch . They ordered sandwiches and we talked about each of our experiences . . . . Then I had to go to the bank to pick up a wire transfer . . . get Beatrice to sign it . . . bring the paper back to the bank . Also picked up a coffee pot because someone left it on during the Thanksgiving break . . . . . After work I went to Subway because I had not eaten all day and was starving ! Subway is great wherever you are . . . Then we ran to get snacks and go see the movie Love and Other Drugs . The movie was not my regular movie but was cute and had a lesson with it . . . Me and mom went to church at CityVine . When we went to get on the subway Brianna and her dad Dan were there . Come to find out they were also headed to church . We all went and enjoyed church and then went our separate ways . The task of the day was to get my stuff packed to be shipped to Buna . . . Me and mom met Lisa at Hale and Hearty for lunch . We ate sandwiches in Bryant Park and had a good time chatting until Lisa had to leave . Then we found boxes and headed back to my room . On our way back we literally ran into the set of The Good Wife where the street had been turned into trailer lane and a building was turned into Peter Florricks campaign office ! Sierra was flying in ! First me and mom did a bunch of walking ! Mom wanted to go to Highline Park so we went there first . The weather was perfect for the day and we enjoyed taking pictures of the city . Then we headed to Soho and Greenwich Village area where we saw the Washington Square Arch and ate lunch . By the time we walked back we were exhausted so we hung out until Sierra arrived ! We were so excited to have us all here : ) But we had to hit the ground running . . . . First we went to the Empire State Building in order for Sierra to see the whole city . . . Then we walked to Bryant Park but it was closed and so we just walked by Project Sunshine office building . After this we went to the tourist infested area of Times Square where we went to the Disney store and showed Sierra GMA and all the great things in Times Square . We went to the Statue of Liberty . People were everywhere but it was a beautiful day to be on the water . The wind was very chilly but we got Sierras pictures taken and headed to Wall Street . Sierra was not interested in taking pictures at every site but I did make her take a picture at the New York Stock Exchange . Then we walked 5th avenue and went into Tiffanys , saw The Plaza , and walked the outside of Central Park . Then we ate dinner at Simply Pasta and went to see the show Jersey Boys which was fantastic ! We slept in a little bit . Then headed to the parade ! We were a little late but were able to get on the subway and push through the crowd to see the parade : ) We went to Crumbs after the parade and got cupcakes to go . Then headed back to the hotel . Since we were really tired from the crowds and more sightseeing we took naps . Sierra left New York . . It was a short trip but she was able to see the city . Before she left we were able to get up early and try to be on GMA . But because the weather was gross and the holiday they decided to not film outside . So we went to Mc Donalds and had Stephens girls time which was much needed : ) Then we went to Macys for Sierra to see the floors and decorations . After this it was time for her to go so we walked over to Penn Station and was able to get her on the NJ Transit headed for Newark Airport . Now it was time to ship my boxes which was an ordeal because of the holiday but it was all taken care of . Then me and mom wanted to see West Side Story and so we went to the TKTS booth to buy tickets . For dinner we had one dollar pizza at two bros and headed to the show . The show was definitely as good as we thought it would be . A few of the actors were good but they just did not project their voices . . . After the show we stopped at Starbucks to grab hot chocolate and a snack for the night : ) Mom let me sleep in : ) we had already done enough walking and touring the city to where we did not want to go anywhere . For lunch we went across the street to Lucys mexicanAguilera did an amazing job in this movie . As soon as the movie was over we had to head to our next show . . . Mary Poppins ! I had already seen the show but mom had not . We loved every part of it : ) disney was a great end to our visit together ! of that we were tired again and hungry . Me , Lisa , and Erika headed to Kodam Sushi to eat . I am not a huge fan of sushi but since I have lived in New York I have learned to tolerate it . So we finished our food and since it was cooler outside decided to pick up Starbucks on our way back . . . . we also bought one for Andrea because they were having a deal . Then we went to Andreas room and hung out for a little while before going our seperate ways . I had recieved a text by this point that mom and Jo had landed so it was now the waiting game . . . They were starving so we dropped of there bags and headed to Times Square in order to just walk through and then went to Bryant Park to look at all of the holiday booths . On our way back towards the hotel we ran into Macys so they could see all the decorations and floors . MacysM Sent craft kits and sunny grams to a hospitals play room that is in need of activities . Then I uploaded the Canada Gala pictures to the share drive for Jenny . After that I submitted a college chapters applications to the database . To end the day I walked to Josephs office to get papers signed and still did not meet him . After work I went to Crumbs to get a cupcake because I had not been there in a while . Cupcakes have become a weakness here and now m & ms because I have a friend who buys them all the time . Then I went to workout with Lisa to make me feel better about my cupcake : ) Lisa has family in this week so we all went out to eat at a steakhouse called Kleins . The food was so great and her family was so kind . Fun night all together ! Work consisted of Lisa having me do her Credit Card forms for most of the day . Organizing and finding all of the receipts for a statement takes forever when they are thrown in random spots . Then I worked on more of Jenny 's college chapter applications to be put in the database . The office was having a board meeting so I also went and bought food for the board members . Since Joseph came to the meeting I also met him finally . He is not what a person would expect in a organization founder because he is so young and just does not have the professional look but he is very successful in all he has done . No one was in the office today so we did nothing ! All I did was send one package to Miami that had a sign in sheet , brochures , pins , and press kits in it . Then I was asked to run a gift to a hospital for a patient . I arrive at the hospital to find out the patient has been brought home . My office is on 39th and 6th avenue and this hospital was on 39th and 1st avenue . . . To say the least I was tired and frustrated when I got back to Project Sunshine . . . . But after work it was Harry Potter time ! ! ! We went to the theater at 9 : 30 and was let in at 10 : 00ish . Then we sat and watched extreme fans fight with their wands around the theater and quiz people in the audience on their Harry Potter knowledge . The movie started at 12 : 30 and ended at 4 : 00 ! I was so tired but it was fun and so worth it ! Woke up exhausted ! ! ! Luckily at work was boring today . . . . but then again their is only so many times you can get on facebook a day before it gets ridiculously boring ! At lunch I met Lisa at the set of Jennifer Aniston new movie ! We totally saw her and were yelled at by the crew : ) A women yelled at me and told me I was going to get ran over by a car lol but it was exciting ! Then I went back to work : ( for the next four hours I did NOTHING ! I tried to leave early but they thought I might need to personally deliver some documents . . . . at five o clock I was finally told they did not need me and I could leave . . . . what a wasted day ! ! ! After work I went to the Armani sample sale with Erika and Lisa . They bought a few items but even though everything was dramatically on sale I just could not get myself to pay that kind of money for a purse . . . . So we headed back to our place and me and Erika made pasta for dinner . Now I am chilling and resting up for when mom and Jo get here tomorrow ! ! ! : ) So I can not wait for Harry Potter Thursday night at 12 ! I watched the other movies all day ! First I went to church at Cityvine with Brianna though . It was so great to see everyone again and they were so friendly of course ! We caught up and it sort of made me sad I will be leaving soon . Pastor Dave talked about Obedience and how what other people does around us shapes the way we are because of their influence . Also how we are always asked " Who has influenced you in your life ? " Then the first answer is some celebrity or important person . . . . in reality the main people who influence you are your immediate family ! I totally agreed with this because my first though was my mom : ) With out her I do not know what I would do because with everything I ask her opinion and then after that my twin sis Sierra ! : ) After introducing Brianna to my other friends we headed back to our area from Union Square on the N ! Yes I am starting to totally get the Subway which is a miracle in itself . . . lol ! Then we ate at Taco Bell which I am not a fan of here in New York but it sounded good . . . . My afternoon consisted of watching Harry Potter on ABC Family ! But this weekend was Open House for EHS so their were a million tours and I could not stand it . So I headed to the gym for an hour : ) Then the gang me up and we watched Harry Potter 6 Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince in order to get ready for Thursday ! ! ! Lisa brought her amazing Austrian chocolate and of course I ate way too much ! So today the workout is going to have to be intense : ) Today at work I did a little shopping . . . . Then Lisa and Emily both needed there Credit Card Forms done for like three months . So I found all of their receipts and matched them up to the correct statement . Then created the form for each . Today was slow but productive for the most part . After work I went shopping ! I went to Macy 's and Kara to see what they had . Kara was having a huge sale so they were very picked over and did not have much . I am sure they are receiving a shipment soon . Since that store was a dud I ran to Macy 's . Macy 's had some very cute dresses ! I liked what I tried on but not loving any of them enough to wear to my upcoming events so I have not made any purchases yet . First we brought all of the mailing to the post office and was able to get that completed . Then I caught up on sending off craft kits to five hospitals that had backed up while we were working on the appeal . After that I was asked by Emily to prepare her Credit Card Report Forms . She has not done this for about five months so I first had to find all of the receipts that matched with each statement . While I was in the middle of this the staff told Stephen and me that we were getting lunch on them so we went to Guy and Gallard to get lunch . I had a turkey sandwich that was actually very good ! When we arrived back at the office we were told that Monday they were going to order food for the office to really thank everyone for helping with mailing . We were starting to feel a little percentage of appreciation by this point . Then I went back to my Credit Card form task . . . . After working on this for a little while I was asked to go to Joseph 's office to get a few documents signed . His office is not far so I walked but once again I did not meet him . That is the fourth time I have been there and have not even seen him . . he is now the " invisible man " to me . At around 4 : 55 Caitlin told us we could go home " early " . . . . me and Stephen literally dropped everything we were doing and walked out . She really knows how to reward someone . Friday night I ran errands with Brianna . Then we ate at Applebees where she ate a burger and I opted for dessert : ) which was a Maple Blondie Brownie ! Yummy Then we went and had a Private Practice marathon back at the dorm : ) It was a much needed hang out time with my friend Brianna ! I am going to miss it . Today the EHS facility is having there Open House . So our room is one of the rooms that gets toured because we have the smallest double room . This means people would be in and out of my room all day and all I wanted to do was sleep all day ! So when I woke up at 10 : 30 I was very surprised that there had not been any tours that had come through all day . Then Andrea invited me to breakfast where we went to Tic Tock and I had a Belgian Waffle ! We had a fun time catching up and just talking about our week : ) She is a great listener and someone that I enjoy doing things with . Then I went back to my room where only one tour had come through all day and my roommate with her friend from California was still asleep . So I started watching the movie " Red " on the Internet . The movie is a really good movie with alot of great actors . . . I would suggest it to anyone . After that my roommate woke up and so I decided to get out of my room and head to Times Square . They were having a Holiday Fair on 47th where they had food and shopping ! I bought four necklaces , a chicken kabob , and a brownie : ) Had a great time by myself ! I woke up early to start my Internship paper so that I did not run out of time before the due date which I finished ! Go me : ) Then I needed a break so I worked out with Lisa . After my good hour work out I watched my shows . Brothers and Sisters and Desperate Housewives was very interesting this week . Then we met with Andrea and went to Forever 21 . Andrea had a hip hop 80s audition she had this week and so we were shopping for that . Once we were back we decided to watch the first Harry Potter in order to prepare for next weeks premier ! Tuesday November 9 I went to the Jason Castro ( American Idol ) concert at BB King Club with Lisa , Brianna , and Kathleen . He does a very good concert . The girl who opened for him Toby Lightman was also a great singer and has some songs that were used on TV shows and movies . The venue was a different atmosphere than I was used to though and we all had a long day so we were all very tired . We had to order at least one thing at the club and since we had pizza for dinner we all got dessert at the club . My cheesecake was very good and surprisingly my first piece since I have been here . Last night I went to a place called Joe 's Pub with Erika , Lisa , and Andrea . It was located on the West Village so to keep away from getting lost in the crazy streets of the village we took a cab . Then the doors were not open yet so we stood outside in the cold for about ten minutes complaining about how cold we were and that we had a reservation . . . none of it mattered ! Once we were let in we ordered dessert again because the food was expensive but we had to buy something so I had cookies and brownie : ) This place was much more fancy then BB King Club but was smaller and quaint ! We were seeing Louis Hobson from Spring Awakening . Erika loves this show and is obsessed with everyone in it and so that is why we were there . He was a very good singer and even brought in other Broadway cast members he has worked with over time . The night was alot of fun and nice to have a night out but still low key with the girls : ) Today at work we of course did mailing ! ! ! But we finished all of it finally : ) The fun part of it was that me , Steve , and Marisa were in the conference room all day working on them together . . . we had alot of fun just listening to music and telling stories . The whole day we were either delirious , hungry , or just plain tired of doing the same thing over and over for the last week . It was so much fun to just let loose and talk freely with the rest of the interns in the conference room . Me , Steve , and Marisa now have a band called the Paper Cuts . . . . yes we were that delirious and tired of gluing envelopes ! At work I worked on our annual appeal ! We are sending out thousands of letters to people for donations that help our organization run . So the interns get to label all of the envelopes with addresses which has been scheduled for a three week block of time . Then I took a break from that and put together a bag for a little girl who is having surgery soon and has to be in the hospital for four days after . So we put together a package for her and she becomes a star for a day which is alot of fun . We put in the bag a crown to decorate , megaphone craft , high school musical t shirt and some other fun items . To me this program is really fun but when I think about my hospital stays and how much I wanted out of their it just makes me think that I would never want this junk . All I wanted to do when I was in the hospital was sleep and get out as soon as possible ! So having a million crafts shoved at me would have not worked but would just stay in the bag until I arrived back home . Before work I had tried to get tickets to Promises Promises but Kristin Chenoweth was not going to be performing until Friday so we decided not to go . Then we went to Fela and tried to get tickets but they were not selling Student Rush until 6 : 00 . After work we went to the theater for Fela and got our tickets . Andrea was performing in Time Square for a new video game promotion so we went to watch her do that which was really fun to see her perform ! Then me , Erika , and Lisa went to Juniors to get cheesecake and chicken strips for dinner . At 8 : 00 we went to see Fela which was probably one of the worst shows I have seen since I have been here because we could not relate to the show or understand through their African accents . The dancing and singing was really good but was just hard to relate and our seats were awful because they do not have good Student Rush seating . We worked on envelopes all day and were supposed to start printing the letters but our printer was broken ! I also helped Naomi find recipes and decided that we love the website FamilyFun for recipes . For lunch we all decided to order pizza which was really good and we also had a good time sitting and talking . We learned alot about each other and they figured out I have a twin . . . Sierra they know about you now ! lol . . . They knew my mom and sister were coming for Thanksgiving but I guess I never told them the sister was my twin . lol . . . They were freaking out and could not believe I did not tell them but I do not share alot I guess and takes a while for me to say anything , Then we went back to work on envelopes until there were no labels to stick ! After work I was not feeling well . I was supposed to meet some girls from church for dinner but that did not work out . So I decided to veg and just have the evening for myself with some snacks of course ! Then I went to Lisa 's to watch Grey 's Anatomy and Private Practice which were both very intense great shows tonight ! Private Practice was sad but for me interesting because it was all about rape and I just took a class on Family Violence . We had to organize the office because there were boxes everywhere ! Everyone in the office does not like clutter and so we had to do something about our mess in the back of the office . I literally have a cave where my desk is to sit and work and then behind me I have piles of surgi dolls that need to be fixed ! Then the printer was finally fixed and letters were printed . We had to cross our the friend part of " dear friend " in the letter and put the persons name it was being sent to and then at the bottom of the letter I had to write " We would be grateful for your continued support . It makes our work possible . " They preferred for this to be written in cursive but my generation does not write in cursive and so you can not read my writing if I write that way . . . . So they decided to let me write regularly . Which I understood why they wanted me to write that way because of our directors signature at the bottom but its a signature . . . . no one prints there signature they sign it in cursive so then it did not make since to me . . . . either way the letters are going to look kind of tacky ! Then Dale , Jose , Patrick , and Andrea were going to eat Thai food so we me up with them and hung out . We had a really great time talking and just catching up from the week . Then a few of us went to go see Due Date which was better than I thought it would be but still really dumb . I just do not have that kind of humor and really wanted to see the movie Red instead but we had already missed a few minutes of it . I got up early to go apartment shopping with the girls ! No , not for my apartment so Becca do not worry I am coming back : ) . . . Erika , Lisa , and Andrea have finally found a great apartment in the Upper East Side . So we went out to find them some possible furniture and decorations . First we needed food to wake us up so we sent to a little cafe in Union Square where I ate a bagel which I have been craving forever ! The bagel was not great so that was disappointing ! Then we went to a fun antique store first which reminded me of home . They found some decorations that could make their walls beautiful but they are waiting on the keys first before they buy anything . Then we headed to Anthropologie because they have wonderful decorations but also clothes we all love ! Of course we could not afford hardly any of it so we just looked mostly and wished we could buy half of the store . After shopping they were all going to try out a gym membership that is near their new apartment . I went back to are place now and took a nap ! I was so tired but of course two tours had to come in while I was trying to sleep which was annoying ! Then me , Lisa , and Erika had tickets to see Rocky Horror picture show while a cast acted the movie out ! This was alot of fun to learn all of the quotes you scream out during the show and the props you use to make the show alot more interesting . I did not think this was possible but quickly learned this is possible ! HALLOWEEN ! ! ! Me , Lisa , and Erika met in the lounge at 11 . Our plan was to finish up our costumes for the Halloween parade . I decided to be Little Red Riding hood because the weather was supposed to be freezing and my coat is red : ) perfect ! But I tried to find a basket at Kmart and had no such luck ! Lisa found a witches hat though so she now had a easy costume she could wear warm clothes with ! We also bought candy for when our group met in the lounge before the parade . We decided that since we cant trick or treat we were going to still have candy with each other : ) At 4 : 30 we all met in the lounge all in our costumes . We dumped all of our candy on a table and dug in ! Also we all took pictures together and just had a fun time before heading out ! We had m & m 's , Jack Sparrow , Ferbie , Goth Guy , Grifendor student , and a wise man . After filling up on candy we went to the parade . The parade had every costume imaginable in it and some fun performing bands and dance schools but it was really cold ! We stayed for pretty much the whole thing but then we were getting to cold and hungry . So we headed to Tic Tock for some chicken strips and waffle fries ! yummy ! Then to end the night me , Andrea , Lisa , Erika , and Dale watched Beauty and the Beast : ) ! At work I worked on doing inventory of t shirts . We received a shipment of t shirts in and I was to count the number we had and then count the number we had received in the shipment . This took me the morning to get all straightened out . Then we started our annual donation writing and so the interns get to write our directors name on the millions of envelopes . For the next three weeks we have a schedule for which intern works on mailing and at what time . My hand is about to fall off from all the writing but I guess we will get lots of donations from it so maybe that is worth it . After work I met up with Lisa and we went to Chipoltle to eat burritos ! Which were very good and gave me lunch for the next day because the burritos there are so huge . Later we went to the gym to workout during Gossip Girl and get my mind off of the fact that I am working out lol . Otherwise I would never get through an hour of workout . I was on the schedule to work on mailing for the morning shift . I was able to get a whole box of envelopes finished . Then we received 3000 sunny grams to go through so all of us interns worked on that throughout the day . We hate when their is the cutest sunny gram and then open it and it says God bless or Get Well Soon . . that is not appropriate lines to write on cards of this nature . Later in the day I took a break and ran an errand for Heidi to pick up a DVD which was on East 21st Street which is about 20 blocks from our office . I had the dumb idea to walk there and so this took a while and made me extremely exhausted and sore feet by the time I got back . Then I put together a few training packets for Naomi who has a training tomorrow . To end the day I started opening more boxes thinking there were more sunny grams when come to find out Americhoice sent us a bunch of junk ! We had snoopy dog bowls , storage bins , and brochures from there business . So we had to figure out if they sent us all of this on purpose or if this was a huge mistake which we sort of hoped was the case . There was no way we could send all of that to hospitals because they would not want any of it just like we do not want any of it . Today Naomi had a Halloween event at Henry Street the place where I took the kids to the Pumpkin Patch . They did Spooky Smoothies and Pretzel Spiders . The group was such a fun group that I wish I was asked to go but I was stuck in the office . So instead I sent off Halloween items to hospitals that a corporate group had made for us at an event . The group made so many items that we were able to send two hospitals in New York cards and gift bags for patients to celebrate Halloween . Then I helped Naomi get all of her items together for her event which involved cooking items and items for other crafts they were making . We also had a Book Club event with Maryann McDonald at KidZone and Sally with Jenny went to that event where they dressed up for Halloween and read the authors story . After work I figured out my schedule for Spring semester back at Sam Houston . I am so excited because I am so close to graduation I can feel it . . . just two more semesters ! Then I worked out with Lisa . Thursday was a big day for Project Sunshine ! We had an event at Beth Israel for Halloween of course but what was so special was Abigail Breslin was our VIP there . I was not allowed to go because only higher up staff members went but I uploaded pictures today from the event and she is adorable ! She dressed up as a cat and just took over helping the kids with their crafts and looked like she belonged . Then I took the free day to look up winter crafts for the upcoming Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays . To end my day I was asked by Jenny to combine all of her College Chapter medical facility information together into one big database . My computer is so slow that this task became a very drawn out time consuming task and so I did not finish but put a dent in the project . Me and Lisa decided to go shopping after I got back from work because I wanted to buy some better Ugg boots . I have been debating this for about three months because the pair I already have I love but they do not stay up . . . . So we ran into Forever 21 first to see what they might have . I ended up buying a dress , blazer , and a skirt . Guess I was in the shopping mood for once but I think Lisa is rubbing off on me because she loves to shop ! This is so not good but I do still debate my purchases so I think I am still okay . . . Then we ran to Journeys so I could try on Uggs . . . their are so many pairs now days but I wanted some plain tall black pair . . . the choice was easy but the price tag was hard to look at . . . Hope the purchase will be worth it ! After this my shopping trip was over so we went back and went our separate ways . My roommate Alexis and her friend Eddie was in our room hanging out so I talked to them for a little while and then it was time to go workout . Me and Lisa have decided to go workout during the times our shows or shows we like are on to keep us engaged on something other than our workout . So last night we went during Greys Anatomy and then I went back to my room and ignored Alexis and Eddie and went to sleep ! I was tempted to go into work late because today I had two parties to go to and I knew I would not be done with work until 9 : 00 . But when I woke up Eddie was still in my room and Alexis had gone to practice . This was just awkward so I minded my own business and got ready for work and went there at the regular time . I did this just to get away from the situation and hoping I would not have to do much when I arrived . At first all I had to do was work on Jenny 's database . She had three new chapters to be added so I did this once my computer stopped freezing up on me . . . Then I put more pictures of Abigail on the share drive we had received by the photographer . After that I was sent on an an errand to Duane Reade to buy last minute event items a few times because people kept on remembering things they needed once I arrived back at the office . Then at 2 : 00 me and Kaylee went to HSS ( Hospital of Special Surgery ) for my first event of the day . At the event we made pear witches with the kids . You take a pear and cut them in half then put holes in them for the eyes nose and mouth . Add a twizzler for the mouth , a chocolate chip for the nose , and raisins for the eyes . Then take a cookie and put frosting on it in order to attach a ice cream cone to for the witches hat ! This was a very cute idea and the kids for the most part loved it : ) and we also had pumpkin and bat boxes for the kids to put their witch in to take home . At 5 : 30 it was time for me to hit my second party ! Me and Caitlin took a cab together but she was headed home and I was headed to an event . . . She gave me some insight on Child Life Specialist and told me she would put me in contact with her contact at Texas Children 's ! I was so excited and decided this was meant to be for me to be stuck going to two events in one night . . . At Good Sheppard we also had a Halloween Party ! We had mask decorating , face painting , bracelet making , and cookie decorating . My spot was cookie decorating but the teen girls were not into the cookies tonight . Tonight boys from another home were brought to Good Shepherd for the party so we believe that they did not want to eat junk in front of them : ) teens ! But we had VIP Damaris Lewis , Sports Illustrated super model there and another model friend of hers . She is so great with these girls every time I see her . She has done a ton of events with us here and also did a dance camp with the girls this summer . Since this event was teenagers the event was more low key and not as stressful so I made it in one piece ! After eating around four cookies and drinking alot of water I was finally done with my crazy day ! Now I am hanging out waiting on people to get back from seeing The Addams Family on Broadway . . . I slept until 11 : 00 which felt great ! Then me and Alexis watched Say Yes To The Dress for a few more episodes . At 1 : 30 I met up with Lisa and Brianna to go eat at Five Guys which is a burger place that originated in New Jersey but now is everywhere . Sierra had actually told me about it because there is one in Austin but I had never made it there so we went to the one across the street from my place . The burger and fries were very greasy but the best I have had since I have been here . After that we all had different things to take care of so we finished up our chat and went out separate ways . Patrick called me at about 5 : 00 and asked me if I wanted to try Yoga with some people . . . I was very hesitant but ended up agreeing to go . The class was on the Upper East Side and was by donation so we left here at about 6 ; 30 so that we could get a snack beforehand . We stopped at Wendy 's and got our snack then had extra time so we went into a little book store . The bookstore had the book I am now reading The Girl Who Played With Fire so I sat and read some of it . Then we went to the Yoga class which was surprisingly a nice work out . I could not do half of the stuff but we tried it at least and made it through after a few laughs and dodging kicks because the class was full . We liked it so much we might start going every Sunday evening . I had a long list of tasks to complete . The first thing on the list was we had sent a package to Israel and they had never received it . So I had to call and find out where it was . Turns out the package had made it there but someone else signed for it . Then I was asked by Jenny to make a list of possible hospitals and Ronald McDonald Houses that SHSU Chapter could volunteer at . This was time consuming but i ended up with a pretty good list considering we are so close to Houston and their are a ton of branches of hospitals near us . After that Naomi needed me to order food for an event she has on Wednesday where we are making Spooky Smoothies and Pretzel Spiders . So I made sure we would have enough food for 25 kids and sent out the order to be delivered to the correct hospital . To finish the day I did more work for Jenny putting in another college chapter into the database . After work I met up with Brianna and Kathleen to go eat pizza . We decided to go cheaper and go to the place that gives you two slices and a soda for $ 2 . 75 . Then we just headed back to Brianna 's room and chatted about high school days for a couple of hours which is fresh on their minds because they graduated last year so they still have alot to say about it . Today was super low key ! I asked Caitlin a dozen times if she needed anything to be done and she never did . So I put in another college chapter into the database for Jenny . Then I finished putting together the box for Naomi 's events with measuring cups , plastic silverware , and a blender . Then the rest of the day I researched job possibilities . I am stuck on either Child Life Specialist or Medical Social Worker which are very similar but one works alot with kids and the other just does alot of paperwork and some time with the kids . So I have alot of thinking to do and hopefully contacts to seek out . Tonight I am reading some of my book and researching some more . Then going to workout with Lisa so we can multi task while watching Rocky Horror Glee ! ! ! Cant wait ! I did most of my work with Naomi today . First she needed to order ingredients for a spooky smoothie we are doing at a event next week . So I had to figure out the exact amount of items we needed to order and then add a little more so we would have extra . Then we wanted one more item for the kids to make and so I found a recipe for Pretzel Spiders using peanut butter , crackers , pretzels , and raisins . The only problem was we were dealing with allergies but this would have been the best Halloween snack ever if not for that . Then we we were sent sunny grams to be looked through and sent out so I did that . After this Jenny had New York University volunteer chapters paperwork to be put in the database so I worked on that . To end the work day we had some very sad news given to us ! Jenny has a college chapter that called her about a little boy who is in the hospital that is not expected to make it out of the hospital . To make the matter worse we were told his birthday was coming up on Saturday and he might not make it and so he asked for everyone around the world to send him birthday cards . Of course our office jumped right on this and started making cards ! We were sad about the situation but made it fun by seeing who could make the best card for this little boy . This day was crazy busy ! We were messangered all of the crafts from Marisa 's huge corporate vent . So me and Stephen were given the great pleasure of going through all of it . We had thousands of craft kits and hundreds of sunny grams with a few surgi dolls all over the front of the office . The goal was to count and find a hospital for these crafts to go to as soon as possible . Then Jenny suddenly had a list of things for me to complete for her which was to scan a collage of the SHSU Chapter , put another college chapter in the database , and start a research project . I only got a few of these items completed so the rest of it is sitting at the office waiting for me to complete on Monday . Then Brianna and Lisa met me at work and we went to the MOMA ( Museum of Modern Art ) ! We got to see famous paintings like the Starry Night and Water Lillie 's but I think I have decided that I am not a great museum person . Me and Lisa were bored after the second floor and could have left but Brianna was all over taking pictures of the different artwork . Once we were done we decided to run to Magnolia Bakery because none of use had been yet . I bought a Toffee Peanut Butter Bar which was very good but the bakery is famous for there cupcakes which are way too small and are not as good as Crumbs in my opinion . Then we went back to the hotel where Me and Lisa decided to be good and go work out but Brianna decided to be done for the night . So we went and worked out for an hour . After that we hung out in our rooms and waited to see what others were doing . Dale had received free tickets from Google to the Museum of Natural History so we decided to watch the movie " Night at the Museum " so me , Jose , Lisa , and Dale started watching the movie . Then a few more people came in and the movie went to the waste side when we all started talking and looking up music . Jose , Dale , and Andrea had gotten up early to go see the new Dinosaur exhibit that Dale got tickets to for free at the The Natural History Museum . Then me and Lisa met up with them at ten when the museum actually opened . Since Dale interns at Google he was able to get us both in for free also . . . thanks Dale ! The museum was interesting but again after about the first exhibit I was over it . . . They had fake animals in exhibits for all the different areas of the world and we saw a exhibit for the earth and creating of the solar system . But then we had to go see all of the exhibits from the movie we wanted to see . For example we had to go see the Easter Island Head . . . After the museum we went to Union Square to have lunch . Me and Andrea had told everyone about the pizza place Patsy 's we had gone too that was really good ! So we decided to eat there and then of course go get Crumbs cupcakes afterwards . Then we ran into a Halloween costume shop to get inspiration . We ended up not getting any inspiration but settled with being M & Ms for Halloween I believe . . . we wanted something we could make and something we could stay warm in . But who knows we still have a few days until the final day so the decisions will probably change . My day at work was spent helping Marissa with her event she is having today . We had to box all of the craft materials up which ended up being eleven boxes stuffed full of materials . Then we had to figure out what was missing and add what was forgotten . Then after work I called friends back home and figured out all the events I am missing ! Then I worked out with Lisa in order for me to eat what I want but look good for all of these weddings coming up : ) Then we picked up some food and met with the rest of our group for a hangout session in the lounge . The problem with the lounge is that when alot of people gather in it everything becomes really loud ! So we all ended up staying for about an hour but were tired of not being able to hear each other so we all dispersed . Me and Lisa went to her room and just hung out for a little while longer . Then I went to my room and watched The Good Wife which comes on at 10 here and is so frustrating to me that all of my shows are so much later here but was still good and I just went to sleep soon after . I became a " accountant " person today . All day my task was to find all of Caitlin 's receipts again . Then organize all of the receipts . After that make Expense Forms to go with all of her bank statements . In total I believe that the total amount of forms I made was six . But I am learning how to use Excel so much better and having " fun " learning a new skill . At some point in the day I took a break from my pile of paperwork on my desk and went to pick up some pictures for my co worker Emily . The Walgreen 's I had to go to was on 32nd so it was a nice walk but also a miserable one because I was getting closer to the tourist . I was so close to the tourist and did not even realize the Walgreen 's I was at was right underneath the Empire State Building . There were ticket sellers everywhere and people everywhere and I did not even notice until I went to leave and happened to look up ! I guess that is when you know that you are not a tourist anymore when you do not even notice a major tourist attraction in front of you ! All I could do is just laugh : ) ! After work I decided to go shopping for some warmer shirts because the weather is getting cooler and I really did not bring alot of warm shirts . So I decided to check out a store called Daffy 's . . . they are a store of nice brands but lower prices . After looking through the store for at least an hour I had tried on a few boots and found nothing but had grabbed two shirts . One shirt is black with a cute brown belt and the second one is blue and white striped button up . Then Lisa met up with me and we ran by Gap but here the store is a mess because so many people come through their a day and so we decided to go back when we were in the mood to dig around . . . Once back at the hotel we went and worked out even though we really did not feel like it . While we worked out we had our laundry going because it is right next door to the gym and makes everything convenient . Then we went our separate ways until our laundry was dry . I went to my room and talked to Granny and Grandad on the phone . My day goes by so quickly here and so I hardly ever get the chance to make a phone call unless I call while walking back from work . But I was able to stop and talk to them for about an hour which was really nice ! Sounds like Buna is going to have a fun night tonight with there Homecoming Parade . . . parades with lights are so much fun ! I slept in for some much needed rest . Then I got up and worked on my assignments due for my internship on Monday . I had written down the date and knew that it was coming but still did not have everything done . Then I met up with Andrea and Aaron to go eat dinner . Andrea really wanted Thai food so we went to her favorite place and I tried out Thai food . The meal was pretty good and the company was fun after I had been in my room all day . But the checks came and everything came really frustrating for me . Not everyone had enough cash to pay for there food and wanted to use a credit card . What is frustrating about New York is everything has a limit so if your meal is under ten dollars you cant use a card on it . Also you have to tell the waiter you want separate checks before you order which I forget about every time we go out to eat which is very frustrating ! Then we headed back to the hotel to meet up with the rest of the group . They had been upstate to a friends house . All of them were hungry so of course we joined and decided we could get dessert . Me and Andrea ended up being disappointed because Crumbs was closed but Tick Tock was not . . . I got red velvet cake that was made differently . . . in between each layer they had put chocolate and cheesecake . . . different but still pretty good ! I ate about half of this and went to bed because Sunday morning was going to come early for me . I had to be in the EHS office by 8 o clock . When I arrived two people were there and their was no coffee and donuts like we were promised . You see we were going to the Breast Cancer Walk in Central Park and were promised food before the race by our RA 's which did not happen . So the beginning of my day started BAD . . . but the walk was alot of fun . Me and Lisa ended up walking faster than the rest of the group but still enjoyed Central Park and all of the people walking with us . It was amazing to see how many people came out to walk in this event and how the city organizes such a big event . After we finished the 5 mile walk we were given healthy snacks to eat as a " gift " i guess which was actually really good . I do not know if I was just starving by this point or if the snacks were really good . One of the items was vegetable straws that I was very skeptical to try but they were my favorite snack and if I see them in the stores I would probably buy them . They reminded me of the Muncho chips in the orange bag that I used to eat all the time in high school but they are definitely not healthy like these chips were . Then me and Lisa went to Soho and Greenwich Village . . . the plan was to find some celebrities ! We were so close to Sarah Jessica Parker 's but of course we did not have an actual address so we just got close . But we had fun trying to find the place and walking around this beautiful area . If I ever lived in New York officially I think I would try to live near this area because it is so calm and just beautiful . You are still close to the " city " but you are far enough away from the tourist that it is a relaxing environment . Work was uneventful ! I sat around for a while because Caitlin was out at the end of last week and had to catch up on emails and phone calls . Then Heidi needed stamps for the office so I ran to the Post Office for her . Then I came back out of the freezing cold and played on the computer . Marisa needed help with her event on Thursday but Caitlin would rather her do her work by herself rather than get help for some reason so I could not help her . Then Jenny needed keys made for our bathroom because for some reason the Women 's bathroom stays locked and we lose the key all the time . So I went and made more in order for us to hopefully not lose all of them . After that Jenny received some College Applications in the male and needed them to be put into a database so I worked on that for the rest of the day . . . Today my Evaluation and Time sheet was due for my internship and so Caitlin completed this for me and then went over all of it . I was very happy with her evaluation and realize I have alot to work on but am still doing a great job with the things that could be approved ! Then I faxed the papers off and headed back to my place . I was supposed to go work out with Lisa but I am not feeling great . . . have the aches and a headache . . . not a good sign : ( so I have stayed in bed all evening and plan to go to sleep early ! I helped Marissa make fifty surgi doll templates for her event next week . She has a huge list of things to take care of before then so I decided to help . Then I organized all of the supplies and packed them up so that they can be sent off to the venue next week . Friday we were having two events at two different places with the company Draft SCB who is a health care company . After work I went and worked out with Lisa for about an hour and then watched Greys Anatomy and Private Practice . I went to Woodhall Hospital in Brooklyn for our Draft SCB event . The event was in the outpatient facility of the pediatrics unit . Since we were in the middle of the waiting area everything was hectic ! Parents would drop off their kids to hang out and do crafts with us and then come back later for their kids who had already left . No one had a organized way of keeping track of the parent and their kid . This part of the event was very frustrating to me . But we had fun doing face painting , making crowns , decorating journals , and decorating glasses . All of the activities were a hit and the look of the playroom afterword showed that we had a good time . Then I met up with Lisa , Erika , and Andrea at Zara a clothing store to finish up shopping and go eat . We went to Simply Pasta where I had lasagna that was pretty good but not as good as my moms lasagna or lasagna from Joe 's . The girl time was fun and the bread that we inhaled was really good ! We decided that was not enough so we ran to Crumbs and got cupcakes to enjoy ! None of us had seen the movie Social Network and so we went to see it and enjoy our cupcakes at the theater . After the movie went to the lounge to find Dale , who has interned with Facebook before and is now at Google here in New York interning . He knows alot about the Internet world and so we were all interested in what he thought about the movie . Then we all decided to go up to Andrea 's room and watch Land Before Time . . . the first one ! We had not seen it since we were kids so watching it together was fun . The plan is to watch one every week or try to finish all of our favorite ones this semester I think . . . . . While everyone I know here had the day off for Columbus Day I had to go to work . But I was not in the office . Me and Stephen had to go to Stanton Street which is really far in the Lower East Side area . It is actually one street down from Houston St . but here some people pronounce it Howston street . . . I always laugh when I here this pronunciation . Anyway after we arrived at the living facility we were assigned to go to we helped gather all of the kids up and head to the Subway . We then took the F train for about ten stops and got off to catch a bus for about another ten stops . After alot of riding and standing we finally arrived at Queens County Farm Museum where we did a corn maze , ate lunch , did the petting zoo , a hayride , and picked out a pumpkin . With ten kids in tow and all the walking we did on this day we were all exhausted ! I was told that I would get an early day out of this but my day started at eight and ended at around six . When I arrived back in my room all I wanted to do was crash . Me and Alexis ran to Mc Donald 's across the street to get a snack and after that I crashed . I was so tired that when I woke up the next day I realized that we slept with the television still going and the light still on . Usually all of this would have kept me wide awake but I was that tired ! Today we were busy getting ready for an event we have on Friday with Draft SCB . The company is making craft kits for us so I copied all of the papers needed to go in the kits . Then both Lisa and Caitlin needed me to do there Finance Reports . Lisa had everything pretty much done all I had to do was put all the data in a Excel spreadsheet but for Caitlin I had to go through all of her receipts and make sure she had all of them accounted for from the bank statement . This took me almost all of the rest of the day . Since the interns usually use her credit card to make orders and pay for everything she has alot of receipts and I was the lucky one who got to organize and make since of it all . But she was so happy it was done afterwards and so this made it partly worth it . Then to end my day me and Stephen sent off about 600 sunny grams / craft kits to four different hospitals . After work me and Lisa went to FIT to go see there fashion museum which was really neat because it has clothing from all different decades . They even have a Eco friendly section that tells you what the clothing was made of and if for exampled they were from recycled products or water colored . . . Everything was really different and interesting to look at . I wanted to take pictures but that was not allowed . Then they also have a Japanese exhibit that shows the clothing from Japan over the years and the clothing is different but not much different from ours but then suddenly as we get closer to this decade their clothes become very technical looking . I guess this goes along with how technologically advanced they are becoming . . . I had received an email from Naomi to send a package to Miami so I did this first . She wanted the box to arrive in Miami by Tuesday so I had to look up and make sure the way I was shipping was going to allow the right amount of time for the package to get there by Tuesday . This took a while because my UPS WorldShip was not loading today and that is how we print off and send off the labels for our packages . So I had to use Marisa 's computer in order to get this task done . We were shipping a few books and t shirts to them for a Book Club Event happening Tuesday of next week . Then Naomi needed me to run to Sovereign Bank to pick up a wire transfer slip from our rep there Louis . I think by now he recognizes me since I have been there three times now and will be back there tomorrow . Since it was such a beautiful day today I decided to walk back a little slower and enjoy the day . I noticed so many shops and eating places I had never noticed before and I now plan on going back their now anytime I want to eat somewhere new or need any clothing for when it starts to get cold . Then when arrived back at Project Sunshine Jenny needed me to do a task for her . The task was to call Staples because we had received an email from them about a discount . We are trying to get some letters printed off from there and this discount was for printing . But we do not know who our Staples rep is and so we can not get the discount without our rep putting the transaction through for us . ( At least this is how I uunderstood it ) . After calling around six different numbers and no one able to help me or they would try but end up giving me the wrong number , Jenny decided to quit I guess . She had me call all sorts of numbers and was just getting frustrated every time I came to her desk to tell her that the number was no help . Hopefully the problem gets resolved but it did not get resolved by me today unfortunately . Needless to say we still do not know who our rep is for some reason . At the end of the day Marisa needed help with an event she has on Monday . At the event the company is making surgi dolls for us and so I was given the task of making the template . I had to print everything out , cut it all out , and then tape it together to make a doll . The cutting part is most time consuming and so I was able to finish about 20 templates before five came around and it was time to leave . Tomorrow I will be working to get the rest of them done in order for Marisa to have 50 surgi doll templates at her event on Monday . After work I went to eat with Brianna and Kathleen for Kathleen 's birthday . We went to Chevy 's which was really good ! Since it was right after work the place was packed and noisy but we had a good time . I had queso and a diet coke which was much needed because I am still not energized from my trip on Monday . We were preparing for a big meeting happening at our office on Friday so the interns were to work on making the place look presentable . The conference room had to be cleaned from the party we had the day before and sadly all of the sugar decorations had to be taken down . This took a few minutes with all of us interns working together . Then their are empty cubicles in the office so I was asked to organize the stuff that had been throw on them so that everything looked decent . After that Sunny Grams needed to be printed off because we had just sent off a huge shipment to a company . On this day I printed around 600 or more probably . . . Then a hospital had emailed Jing about being in need of surgi dolls and another had not received items from us in a long time and so I was asked to update our database to satisfy these hospitals in need . Wednesday night I went and had sushi with Andrea , Lisa , Jenna , and Jose . I had chicken dumplings which were really good . Then I had to be at work Friday by 9 o clock in the morning which I am used to being there at 10 so I went back to my room and watched Private Practice until I was asleep . Friday morning came really early but I arrived at work at 9 like we were asked to be and in my business attire . A few of the board members had already arrived but I only actually met one of them . While the meeting was going on I had nothing to do so I asked Marisa if she had anything to work on and she had quite a list . I helped her with a door hanger craft kit , Halloween crafts , and of course Sunny Grams . Then the meeting was over and Caitlin had projects of her own she wanted me to work on . The first project was Scratch Art which she had found online where you take white card stock and color the whole thing with crayons then you cover the crayon with black paint . Once the paint is dry you then scratch out with a paper clip or Popsicle stick the design you want . This was alot of fun to try out but I also think it is a very messy project . I also did not find a material that completely covered the crayon but it would still be time consuming for kids . Another project Caitlin had discovered was Wax Sticks . . . I do not know if you remember playing with these when you were a kid but I did . I am not much of a crafty or think outside of the box person when it comes to crafts and so I really did not want to mess with this craft . But I did and found a instruction book in the box for flowers , trucks , bicycles , bugs etc . Of course I just chose the easiest thing and made a flower out of the wax and it actually was really cute and easy ! This project unlike the Scratch Art is definitely a awesome project for kids ! After work I was supposed to go to the Museum of Modern Art with Lisa but it ended up being closed for some reason . So we decided to go eat at Tick Tock for some of their amazing waffle fries . Everyone was going to see Catfish at the movie theater across the street but I had no desire to see it so I stayed in and finished my book finally ! I definitely recommend the book " The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo " . Cityvine was having a apple picking day so I signed up to go . Me and Andrea went and had to be at the church by 9 : 30 . When we arrived alot of people were already there but still waiting for more people . The weather was sweatshirt weather so it was a wonderful day to be outside and get out of the city . We went to Dr Davies Farm about an hour outside of the city where you can buy a bag of apples for $ 31 and split it with as many people as you want to make the price less but you also can eat as many apples you want on the premises . I ate around five apples and enjoyed the view of all the leaves changing colors . The leaves for the most part have just fallen though because of the lack of rain . After an hour at the orchard we headed out to Rockland Lake State Park which was fifteen minutes from the orchard . We had burgers , hot dogs , chips and potato salad . A usual afternoon BBQ ! The park was so beautiful and was so nice to be away from the millions of people in the city . Then the games started we played the egg toss game first . . . I played this game and this game only because after the second toss the egg cracked in my hand and all over the front of my vest . Then a game of three legged race , soccer and football was played . At around five we headed back to the city after a long fun filled day . Me and Andrea were starving and so me , Andrea , Jenna , and Lisa went out to find Mexican food . We started out at Chipotle but the line was super long . So we went to another place where we ordered and sat for an hour waiting for our food . Then the waiter decided to give us free chips for the wait . After that all the tables around us had food and it was clear that we had been either forgotten or our order had been lost . So our waiter saw that we were frustrated and decided to give us free drinks but that was not enough and we were out of there . . . . I went to church at Cityvine . We had a guest speaker who wrote about learning to be a prophet . . . He was very interesting and then we took communion . I spoke to a few people I had hung out with yesterday and exchanged numbers . . . it is so hard to meet people and have to be like I am leaving in three months and do not know if I will ever be back but most our cool and just say we will have fun while you are here : ( Then me and Andrea were hungry so we decided to eat on University Drive which is Union Square and had alot of cute restaurants . We ended up at a Pizzeria called Patsy 's that was probably the best pizza I have had so far here and it was cheaper because we split a pizza and was full from it . Andrea had never been to Crumbs so of course there was one across the street and we had to go ! Sweets are like her favorite thing to eat so I had to introduce her to these amazing cupcakes . She got a pumpkin cupcake and I got a cookie dough one . Then we sat in Union Square Park because it is so pretty outside today and enjoyed our cupcakes ! Now I am working on my internship activities which have been neglected for a while . . . . Monday was a slow but busy day at work . The first thing I was asked to do was take inventory on how many Project Sunshine shirts we have in stock . We had run out of a few sizes so before ordering more Jenny wanted me to see which ones needed to order . Then I was told that on Thursday we were having a Sunshine Chefs event and I was the person who was going to find the recipes and craft we were going to do . I spent most of the day looking up recipes . This was a harder task then I thought it would be because I never thought about food allergies , nutrition of the snack , and if we had already done a recipe similar with the kids before . Lets just say that I did not find all of the recipes I needed on this day . I ended the day with printing off many more sunny grams because every time I look at the big stack I have just printed off their is only half of the stack left . . . . . where do they all go ? After work I started back on reading my book and am not hooked on finding out what is next . . . I can barely put it down . But I did and went to watch Gossip Girl with Lisa . We always have a good time hanging out and I am so glad to have that time in the evenings most of the time to hang out . The search for the right craft and food continued . . . . I finally got an okay on the recipes for Fruit Kabobs with yogurt and granola with a dessert of Banana and Chocolate Parfait ! Sounds delicious right . . . Well the only problem was making pudding . . . . we could not decide whether to make it all in one big bowl or to let the kids make it themselves in individual cups . So I tested this out and decided that individual cups would work just fine . For the craft we decided to use left over glasses from the carnival event and make masks to go with the kids Halloween costumes . So we were going to bring feathers , stickers , markers and glitter for them to decorate with . Later in the day Caitlin asked me about kids from my chapter at Sam Houston . Both boys have great stories that are amazing but will break your hearts and she was finding stories to tell at the Project Sunshine Annual Board Meeting . I felt so honored and grateful that our chapter has such great people and families involved . To end my day I sent 150 band aids off to a hospital that wanted some kid friendly so I sent what else but Dora Explorer and Sponge Bob band aids : ) ! After work me and Brianna had decided that we wanted to go see a movie so I went back to my place and met up with her . Of course we had to buy snacks before the movie so we ran to K Mart and looked through the whole store just to see what there was . . . . Then we met up with my friend Lisa to buy tickets for " You Again " . The movie was really funny and was alot of fun to just see a girly movie on such a dreary rainy day ! First though we had Naomi 's fifth anniversary party to worry about . Her last name is Sugar so everything was in the theme of " Walking Down Sugar Lane " and my job was to print and cut out a yellow brick road pattern we found online . Then we taped the road all around the conference room wall and attached pictures of her all on the road . Everything looked so cute and came together wonderfully with the whole staff frantically trying to decorate while she ran an errand . Nothing is much of a surprise in the office because it is so small but whoever the party is for just stays away from the conference room for the day lol . . . We had Kosher food for lunch which I had never had before . I must say it was not bad but is still not going to be a top item toe at on my list . . . Then for dessert Caitlin had bough Magnolia Bakery cupcakes and we we crushed up candy bars for toppings . We had our own little " Make Your Own Cupcake " station . . . since Naomi is in charge of the Sunshine Chef events . After we were all full and sugared up it was back to work . . . At 5 : 30 me and Jing headed out to ICC Incarnation Children 's Center which provides specialized care for children and adolescents living with HIV / AIDS and is where our Sunshine Chef Event was . When we got there our food had been delivered and the volunteers had arrived . The volunteers included me , Jing , and four other people . I had to tell everyone what we were going to be making and how everything was going to be handled . At first everyone looked at me like I was crazy but once the kids started to arrive and the snacks were starting to be made the volunteers quickly realized I knew what I was talking about . The pudding for the parfaits worked out perfectly with the kids making their own pudding . The only unsuccessful thing about the event was that the kids were not all that interested with the food portion . All they cared about was making the craft which was the mask for their Halloween costumes . I think this was because they were able to show their creative side and do whatever they want . The staff at the facility was so great and helpful and truly loved being around these kids and having a relationship with them . Saturday I slept in until 10 and of course laid in bed until around 11 . Then me and Lisa had decided the night before to go to Starbucks . So Lisa texted me once she was ready and we went to get some coffee ! I am a big fan of the Toffee Mocha Frappucino but I have refrained from Starbucks since I have been here . Then we had to wait for the rest of our group to get ready or get back from kayaking so we went back to our rooms . The plan for the day was to go to Hoboken , NJ . You may not recognize this place but you might recognize the show Cake Boss . This town is where Carlos Bakery is located ! So we decided to go there and buy some pastries and go to a little park they have in Hoboken . The day was beautiful so we all enjoyed our snacks in the park and took photos of the Manhattan Skyline in front of us . ( All of my photos are on Facebook ) . Saturday evening a Improv Everywhere event was going on . This is an event where you bring certain items to this one location . This year we were told to bring a gift , two pieces of paper with a consonant and then a vowel written on them , toilet paper , and a marker . Then you download a mp3 file to your ipod that you can not listen to until the event happens . The event started at 6 and you had to go to a retail department store that is within the shaded area on the website . We went to Time Square of course and waited for it all to start . Once it started you press Play at exactly 6 and are told to do certain things with each item and the products in the stores . . . The employees in the store were not too happy with us but luckily we were sent somewhere else quickly ! We were sent to Bryant Park where we had to make a mummy out of someone with the toilet paper , color the continents on paper , and try to make a sentence with the letters . . . This all was for a guy named Steve and it was his " birthday " so we had to sing Happy Birthday and it was just super fun ! I went to Cityvine againn with Andrea . The message was about Jesus and the well with the Samarian women . We stayed after and talked until about one o clock again . They are just all so kind and I can not wait to go apple picking with them next Saturday ! The rest of my day has been lazy ! I finally had an afternoon where I could just enjoy reading my book ! I have gotten so far in it and can hardly put it down . . . but my shows are on tonight so I will have to stop for them ! I also stopped to go to the gym with Brianna . She is really busy with class and going home so I do not see her that often . Our work out time was really great and we just were able to catch up and it was a nice break from her studying ! It is around 30 minutes from Desperate Housewives starting and I am watching it and Brothers and Sisters with Lisa and Laura so that ends my day and my fabulous weekend filled with eating and hanging out ! Work was very slow on this day ! We had a huge event in East Harlem so I was in the office with about three other people . Two of the new interns were asked to go to this event for some reason so I was not allowed to go since their were so many volunteers there . So I worked on finishing 50 baseball craft kits and printing off sunny grams . We are in the works of possibly having a company make 10 , 00o sunny grams for us so I have to get them all printed off before then . Since the day was going to be slow I was told to take a long lunch break in Bryant Park so I definitely too advantage of this . The weather was beautiful and was a great break to my day . After work I went to a Milkshake Mingle event . They were very good and reminded me of a frosty from wendys . There was not much mingling going on so we decided to head somewhere else . A bunch of people were hungry so we went to a sushi place called Sushi Osaka and hung out for a while . Then we decided that Magnolia Bakery sounded really great for dessert ! Magnolia is famous for there cupcakes and we have wanted to go for a while but it never works out . This night the trip did not work out either because they were closed ! Plan B , go get gelatto in Time Square . . . . where I got Caramel Crunch gelatto . . . it was not my favorite dessert but was good to try it ! I had been asked by Caitlin last week to ship some boxes to a hotel in Tennessee . UnitedHealth Group is having a event there and so we needed to send them supplies but they did not want them to arrive too early for the hotel to have to store the boxes . So I had looked up the arrival dates and found that today would be the right time to send the three packages . Then I uploaded pictures from the event that were so cute ! We had a photo booth there and the whole thing was carnival themed so we had carnival items for the kids to take pictures with . I could not get enough of all the cute little pictures that were taken of each kid . I was supposed to go to a Sunshine Chef event in Brooklyn but the weather was so gross that the hospital cancelled for this upcoming week ! Caitlin then decided that I could go to a Book Club event at Mt . Sinai Hospital . Vincent Kirsch was the author and illustrator of Too Little Boys From Toolittle Toys . . . He was such an interesting guy ! We were at a place in the hospital called KidZone TV where authors and other things get filmed and then the feed gets shown on all the televisions in the hospital for the patients . So , Vincent started working freelance jobs , then went to Bergdorf Goodman and was the person who did the window displaces , then he became a designer for Broadway show posters , and then he started writing and illustrating ! His books are so cute but he totally lives in his stories world ! We were very happy that he agreed to read his story for this hospital and represent Project Sunshine . When I got back to my place me and Lisa were really bored ! So we decided to go shopping . . . I bought a shorter black sweater because all of mine are long and then I bought some awesome teal Vans ! They are surprisingly comfortable and will be great walking shoes for this city ! After shopping we watched Greys Anatomy with Andrea , Laura , and Candace ! Of course we could not miss our show ! I was asked to go to Brooklyn to accompany Erik , a guy painting a mural for Project Sunshine at a hospital . Me and Marissa went with him and got a little lost with where to go . We never get the right directions but we made it . . . . Erik started sketching and he is making a mural of Finding Nemo ! We are so happy that he is doing this for us . . . . then it was back to work ! I had to upload the photos from the Book Club event first ! We took about fifty pictures it was crazy but a lot of fun ! Then I sent off my baseball craft kits , filed some papers , and shipped SHSU there t shirts ! ! ! Friday night we all went out to eat . After walking a complete circle we finally ended up at a pasta place next to Bryant Park . It was very good pasta and a great atmosphere for a big group . Then me and Andrea got cake from Tic Toc Diner and hung out for a while . . . Sunday night September 26 I ended my night with seeing the show Chicago ! The show was so much fun . . . I had not remembered much from the movie so all of the Broadway show was pretty much new to me . Their is alot of dancing and plain black costuming in this show but the dancers are amazing ! They do a dance called Fosse . I went to see it with girls from my place Andrea , Lisa , Jenna , and a few others . Andrea is here for dancing so she was all over this show . It was so much fun sitting with her and seeing how much she enjoyed the show and appreciated the dancing ! Monday morning started the week of dreariness ! It has rained SO much this week already ! Four people I am around alot have not been feeling well and so I am just hoping it is the weather and not that everyone is sick . As soon as I arrived at work I was swept away to the back to my new desk . We had two new interns start Monday so I was moved to the back where more of the team workers desks are . At first I was upset about this because Jenny a past intern works in the front of the office and I like her alot . But now I am starting to get used to and like having my own little corner . We were sent four huge bags full of craft kits . It is now my job to go through all of the kits and make sure that they are acceptable to send to other hospitals . Then I have to find in the database hospitals that need supplies and then box them all up and ship them off . The goal is to ship items we recieve as fast as possible and to the hospitals that need them the most . This task took me a while so when I was done it was time for lunch and Caitlin wanted the interns to go out to lunch and get to know each other . Now in the office their is me from Sam Houston , Kaylee from NYU , Kevin from New Hampshire , and Marissa who is from Massachusetts but is originally from California ! We had alot of fun talking and getting to know each other and this made me feel alot more comfortable with my job and being at work . I am very happy that they are there with me and seeing what we all can bring to Project Sunshine . After lunch I did not have much to do and Kaylee had said that she had a huge list of things to do so I helped her with a few things . One of the things was tying shirts nicely like a gift for a training session we had Monday night . I do not enjoy doing this kind of project but it gave me practice and I actually started looking close to a pro . Then ended the work day folding shirts for a huge event Caitlin has Wednesday with a very important company to us so everything had to look professional and nice . Brianna and I were supposed to meet Sunday night to get a cupcake from Crumbs Bakery but I ended up seeing Chicago instead so after work we met up to get a cupcake . I had a Half Baked cupcake which is alot like a cookie dough one . It was so good ! I have been so bad about sweats but they are so good ! I figure I am walking so much that I can splurge a little . Probably not as much as I do but whatever : ) Caitlin did not come in until late today because she was not feeling well . This started a huge scare in the office that everyone was going to get sick ! The weather has been so gloomy , humid , and rainy . My first task was to send Project Sunshine bags to Tennessee for a new Project Sunshine starting from a new company supporting our cause . Then I finished folding all the shirts for the event tomorrow . On Thursday we have a Sunshine Chef event in Brooklyn and so today we had to order all of the food . I was asked to look up all the ingredients and find out if the store we used had all of the items we needed . After this we were sent blankets and pillows from our event last week we had with NY Life . I was asked to find two hospitals in New York to send these items too because NY Life works with the people of New York on Medicare and things of this nature . So I shipped and updated the database on shipping these items . Then Kevin had not been shown the craft kit database yet so I was able to teach him how it all worked and what he needed to do to update the database and ship items to hospitals . After this their was nothing pressing to get done so I started making more baseball craft kits so that we could send to hospitals more often rather than waiting on our supporters to make kits for us . To end the day I ran an errand to Sovereign Bank to get paperwork for our program starting in Kenya . When I arrived back at my place Lisa wanted to hang out . So I had not watched Desperate Housewives yet and wanted to catch up so we did that . Then we ate dinner and watched Glee ! A side note to my day is that one of our kids in Project Sunshine back home is at Texas Children 's tonight . He is having problems with seizures . Please pray that he gets through this hard time and strength for his family ! Thanks !
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I don 't remember specifically a lot of my Christmas Pasts but I definitely do remember the following one . What are your favorite Christmas Memories ? What Christmas Carol is especially for you ? As most of you reading this know , I come from a crazy household , lots of fun times , lots of not so fun times , lots of falling outs between sibling and sibling , between parents and siblings , between parent and parent , but it seemed that no matter what was going on as far as the relationship boogie , Christmas was always a time for us to come together as a family and bury the hatchet , ( just not like the time Adrian literally tried to bury it in Julian 's leg , luckily it was blunt and only left a bruise ! ) So this one year when the whole family was living in the same little mining town way up North , there were a few of us " not talking , " to a few of us , I forget who was pissed at who , but it had been going on for a while , my older brother , sister and me had moved out of the house , so when the first one of us showed up to mum and dad 's we 'd be given the assignment by a sobbing mum to , " Go get your brother , or sister , it 's Christmas damn it and we should all be happy and together . " Dad would huff and disappear to his bedroom , grumbling something along the lines of " I 'm not talking to that feckin eejit or Jesus Mary and Joseph women , can you not just leave things be ? " but you knew deep down he wanted the whole family around as well . So off one of us would trot to get the others that weren 't there yet , and the negotiations would begin with the one that was on the outs , and no matter how long they went on , it typically ended with tears and hugs from the envoy followed once we got back to mum and dad 's , by sobbing and hugging and apologies and where 's the fecking whiskey ? Dad took aim and repeated the process only this time it was a little plastic lamb ornament , then he handed the pistol back to Linden and bet him , he couldn 't take out one of the three Kings , extra points for the smug looking one with the box of gold . Mum finally recovered her senses after witnessing the carnage from the first two shots , and away she went , the yelling grew louder , the tears began to flow and then instead of joining in the row , dad just calmly proclaimed that " Your mother couldn 't hit the fat end of a slow moving cow from 3 feckin feet , could ya Hazel ? " mum , never one to shy away from a contest against dad , didn 't give it a second thought , she asked Linden " How do I work the stupid gun ? " he showed her and the next thing we knew she 'd aimed pulled the trigger and put a nice little hole in the dry rock wall , dad smirked , mum squinted , Linden told her to aim a little high , and before you could say Merry Christmas , the smug , gold bearing King was history ! Dad howled , mum told you so ' ed to dad , Linden was proud again and we all smiled at mum telling her what a great shot she was . She looked at dad and asked which one next , and away they went , like a sniper crew , dad spotting , mum shooting , Linden reloading . We all took turns shooting ornaments off the fake green plastic Christmas tree and when they were all gone , including the terrified looking angel topper , we started on anything around the living room that presented itself as target , it was an amazing Christmas day , the walls were a little worse for wear , the Christmas tree was history and even though the linoleum floor was swept multiple times , months later when I 'd come over there 'd be another piece of sparkled glass floating around the floor . It was definitely a less traditional Christmas than most people enjoy , but it was such a great encapsulation of an Egan Christmas . Every few seconds as I lay in my bed last night wishing that , for this one tonight , please let me just instantly fall asleep , I don 't want that phase of pre - sleep where all the worries and stresses of the day get to amplify and rewind on a slow motion loop . Naturally , I didn 't get that , instead I got to lay , eyes closed , brain synapses exploding and they were all about my little bugger of a cat Opie . Now , I loud , " Are you kidding me ? the damn cat , he 's still on about that damn cat . " and to those people I can say right now " Piss off , and go read some other blog , " because if you can 't or don 't understand the bond between humans and pets then you 're a little bit sick and I don 't need to have you as a friend or acquaintance . Opie was just the coolest cat , and so my post today is dedicated to him . " We were cruising along in a decent swell and one minute we were looking at the land on the horizon and the next we were staring through deep green sea water before we bobbed back up to the surface , and that was on a sixty footer ! Close your eyes for a second , " he said " and try and imagine how that would feel , one second you 're breathing fresh sea air and the next you 're struggling to hold your breath as you 're plunged ten foot under by some rouge wave . " I did and I found myself holding my breath and then gasping for air as I thought about the scenario . I wanted to find a boat that was big enough to be comfortable , but not too big to handle , one that I could steal a great deal on and eventually we found it . We had spent countless hours on the internet scouring brokers websites , running down to the beach every weekend , buying every boat trader magazine we could lay our hands on before we finally came across our boat accidentally , for sale by owner . It was a perfect size and it was a great deal , probably due to the fact that one of the engines wasn 't running and we weren 't able to sea trial it , nevertheless we had found our retreat on the sea . The broker warned us against buying it , " Don 't buy someone else 's trouble , " was his mantra , did I listen , nope , not me , the greatest deal finder in the greater Los Angeles area if not the whole of California ! so we bought it and many , many times Franks other little words of wisdom came flooding back to my mind . " Boat , Jon , you know what that means right ? Break Out Another Thou ! " Well we persevered and we spent more than we should have on maintenance and after owning it for seven years and spending a grand total of about 3 hours out of the dock cruising the bay we got rid of it and we were sorta happy , it 's not that we didn 't use it for what we intended , we spent many weekends on it and every now and then we 'd crank the engines to circulate the oil and we 'd sit in the cockpit sipping a cocktail or a glass of wine while the BBQ slowly seared our dinner and we 'd stare out at the flickering lights on the hillside near our marina and we enjoyed life on our boat from the comfort of our dock . When I say we got rid of it , what I mean is we traded it for a more manageable smaller , easier serviced boat that we now have docked in Franks old home port in San Diego 's Quivira Bay and we truly are using this boat for what it 's meant to be used for . We 're actually cruising the bays and taking her out to open ocean and last weekend we actually dropped anchor off the coast , cut the engines and enjoyed the quiet of the open seas around us . We 've had dolphins swimming alongside us as we powered up the coastline , we spotted a giant sea turtle that may have actually been Crush from Finding Nemo , floating along barely submerged under the waves , we 've got a sea lion who comes into the channel we 're docked at for breakfast , lunch and dinner , and we have a Pit Bull named Maya who will swim around the docked boats , literally for an hour while her owner tosses rocks for her to catch . One of the most pleasing things about owning a boat are the relationships we have with other boaters , there is no way to live the garage door opener way of life when you have a boat docked , you can 't simply go about your business all day then come home , push the garage door opener drive inside push the door closed and sneak into the confines of your home without a wave or even acknowledgement that you indeed have a neighbor ; when you own a boat you have no option but to interact with neighbors , and that in my opinion can only be a good thing , it 's a joy to be down at the boat , people watching , chatting with neighbors , fending off out of control boats attempting to dock but somehow almost always finding their way into the stern of our boat ( no wait that 's what I do , although I 'm getting better . ) Simply put , we have fun , we barely get TV reception , definitely no internet so we are forced to go back to basics , listening to the radio , reading , talking , napping , relaxing , relating all things that play second fiddle when we have the comforts of home around us . So why did I choose to write about boating for this post I hear you asking and whats the point behind all this ? Well I 'll tell ya , boating and San Diego and Quivira Bay , always get me thinking about Frank , Patty 's dad , Frank , and whenever I think about Frank I usually end up with a smile on my face because he was a cheeky bugger who was always up to no good , he was a scallywag , a strikingly handsome larger than life bloke , who never told a lot of stories but when he did he was the kind of storyteller that you enjoyed listening too , he was a member of the Greatest Generation a WWII Marine Veteran who lied about his age so he could enlist and serve this Country and serve he did , he saw action , mostly in the Japanese arena and was involved in the Battle of Okinawa . One of the stories he did tell us that we 'll never forget was about how scared he was coming in to the beaches in landing craft , his eyes got a little misty as he recalled hearing bullets hitting the loadToday I remember Frank Czarniewski because today he would have been his 87th birthday but in 1998 Frank lost his battle with Cancer and so even though I 'm Writing In Spite of Myself , I wanted to dedicate this post to him and his Greatest Generation . I hate going to City of Hope every three months for my quarterly cancer check up , but I love the people in there , with the exception of the CT tech , who , no matter how hard he tries just can 't hit the mark with the needle and so I end up being stabbed two or three or , as was the case this go round , four times . Though in fairness , my veins can be as absent as an Aussie Olympic Swimming Gold Medal ! ( only one ! ! ! Are you kidding me ? ) This go round was particularly nerve wracking since three months ago my amazing young Oncologist Dr . Pal had told me " We 're watching a bit of a lump in the right lung , " and so I was fully expecting to get not so good news this time , which inevitably means surgery , so I was bummed as well as more than a little nervous about being there . My type of cancer is fairly aggressive when it hits , so they need to get on top of any recurrence pretty quick and although the survivability has increased it 's still not a great prognosis when you have had stage 4 as is the case with me . It 's strangely weird living your life in three month blocks , you have no idea how quick time goes by when you are wondering if this visit maybe they 'll find more cancer and what if it 's gotten into my bones or worse yet my brain ? Every little ache in my knee becomes a cancer hot spot , every little headache becomes metastasis to the brain , every new bruise on my body is surely recurrence . . . It gets old worrying about this stuff all the time . So they are working all the details out and we get to go down to the Kardashians home for dinner and a meet and greet next Friday . Sorry , that 's not entirely correct , nor is it true , neither is it honest , or forthright , or fair , or authentic , or real or any other word you can think of that would indicate a falsehood . I just wanted to do this to see if in fact I get a spike in page views . As a country we are so taken by celebrity , so much so that Yahoo ran an article last week Titled " Unlikely Celebrity Children 's Book Authors , " and it just drove me nuts . These people didn 't write these books , and seriously if they did actually write them , the editors basically re - wrote them for the celebrities . Chris Colfer , from Glee . . . Self Written . she wrote it all herself . The moral ? That beautiful people have problems too , and that the children of single family households are stressed slaves without childhoods . Um , how did that bit get past the PC review board ? THIS discussion with my 7 - year - old daughter . I purchased this book knowing it was about accepting other children that are different ; but I wrongfully assumed it would be about freckles , hair color , weight , skin color , etc . " The reviews were taken straight from Amazon and I 'll admit I haven 't read one of these or the 8 others that were being praised by Yahoo , but really , seriously people , I don 't wanna be a snob about writing and I think everyone should write something about anything at some stage in their life . The reality is that these authors based on the reviews I read on Amazon wouldn 't have gotten past the slush pile if it wasn 't for the fact that they are Celebrities . If Kim Kardashian were to write a book about " How to sit the correct way while while getting a pedicure . " it would be picked up in a flash and would be rushed to the bookshelves in mere weeks ! To which I of course replied , " Ha , long pants , long sleeves , pfft , dust mask ? phooey ! gloves ? can 't find em ! and eyeglasses ? whats wrong with my Oakleys ? " I charged up my pretty steep hillside , bee 's following me , dive bombing me , driving me to get my fat arse up the hill and I complied in a manner that could quite possibly have put me into the Olympics for the Triple Jump event . I made it to my driveway T - shirt ripped from my body , shoes kicked off , shorts half way down to my ankles , still swatting at imaginary bee 's , my chest heaving for air , all the while wondering if I might die from this killer bee attack and not noticing the elderly couple that regularly walk their very cute Alaskan Malamute past our house daily . Of course I politely nodded in their general direction as I ran in my front door big white arse halfway out of my undies breathlessly trying to find the Benedryl and Patty 's Epi pen . The Benedryl worked and here I sit still quite sore from the stings , but alive and wondering why did I do that ? Just as I 'm cutting the wood plank , one of the dogs decided it wanted the Plushie Killer Whale that the other one had and they banged into me , and my thumb banged into the blade that spinning pretty bloody fast and the next thing I know I have a trail of blood up my faded green Life is Good t - shirt and I 'm looking at my thumb bone , it 's really amazing how white bones can be while they 're still attached to your body . Anyway I didn 't quite loose my thumb but it was a close call . Now that I think of it , maybe I should stop wearing those Life is Good t - shirts ? I could go on and on about other times that I should have paid attention to the voice in my head , a voice that sometimes screamed at me " I WOULDN ' T DO THAT IF I WAS YOU ! " like the time I was working up in a gold mine outside of Meekatharra with my younger brother Adrian , we had been sent out to a mud field where the plant discharged waste from the gold treatment plant and our job was to rotate the pipes so they didn 't wear out on one side from the abrasives in the discharge , ( NO , I 'm not talking sewage ! ) we would have to wade into these huge fields of mud in wellington or rubber boots and spend the day just turning pipes in knee deep slop , I 'm not sure why we weren 't issued waders , but we weren 't . Are you already seeing the end of this anecdote ? I sit back on the step and proceed to cut the first boot from my leg which I do without a hitch , the whole time ignoring the voice in my head . . . I get to the second boot and as I 'm slicing down the side of the boot I hit a weak section of rubber and it flies down the boot and right across the top of my big toe , slicing to the bone . Adrian looks at my toe and says , " Should I go grab you a bandage mate , looks like you might have cut the bugger off ! " I was worried that I might actually get fired for being so stupid so I pulled my toe toward my ankle and taped it up with electrical tape and to this day the bloody toe still works and I have barely a scar to show for it . Sadly that 's not the case , the school did close it 's doors back in 2009 and I still remember feeling a great loss when I heard about it . I attended the school back in the seventies and it was many things to me . I had my first non - sibling punch up there and I was terrified during the lead up to it . Of course after the fight ( which I started like an idiot , ) I had a nice fat lip , black eye , and broken nose to go along with the start of a great new friendship , Charlie Mac beat the ever living snot out of me , laughing with every perfectly aimed and landed punch he threw from the fists of a kid whose dad had been a Golden Gloves contender and was intent on his son following in his footsteps . Oh the choices we make sometimes ! Some people I 'm sure will be horrified to know that part of their corporal punishment regimen was the use of old Tractor Fan Belts , literally right of the old crappy John Deere Combine that I drove . Depending on the Brother and the severity of the offense it was a quick march upstairs , lay on the bed , pants down , bare butt exposed and lay there like that while he went and fetched the dirty old fan belt to strap you with , that was Brother Morgan 's favorite . Yes I copped a few of them and believe me when I say , I couldn 't sit down for an hour or so . Others like old Brother Newman preferred a sharp right jab followed by a left hook , Brother Couch 's weapon of choice was the good old fashioned cane , Brother Hanley he was very old school and would just tug your ear , funny as it may sound I preferred any of the others over the ear tug . Another great gift from the school was Hard Work . When I first got there I resented all the work we had to do , but man , it prepared me for later in life . I had just turned thirteen when I started school and here 's a list as best I can remember of some of the jobs I had . Back then we never had electives or options we did what they told us to do , when they told us to and every single boy participated , when it was Aussie Rules season , we all played footy , no one got to sit out , every single boy , good bad or indifferent played footy . Swim season , everyone swam even if it meant doggie paddling to finish the 50meter butterfly race . Annual Squash tournament , complete participation , Basketball , Cricket , Tennis , Track and Field . . . There were no onlookers , no bystanders and honestly , although I 'm sure there were individual incidents , for the most part there was no mocking of the participants ability or lack of ability , we all just competed and at the end of the school year the Brothers actually gave trophies out to the individual champions , we never got team trophies , we never got participation trophies , the whole school would sit there and watch as the best athletes , scholars and citizenship awards were given to the best individuals . They did away with Uniforms , The kids like to show their individuality . . . They did away with compulsory sports , Some of the kids don 't like to participate , and some of them aren 't that good so we don 't want to expose them to ridicule , so now we allow those that want to participate to travel into Mullewa or Geraldton to play on their school teams . . . Oh the cost is absorbed by the parents and the State They did away with corporal punishment , Parent believe that they should be the only ones to discipline their children and nurturing is a far better method . . . Yea I know , but seriously , they never killed any of us ! There was rap music blasting from the dorms , My mate Rich asked me to share some stories about attending school in the bush at an all boys Christian Brothers boarding school , and since I 'm back to working on my novel about that very subject I thought it was a cracking idea . Then I thought what story would best exemplify my time spent there , and so after my headache subsided from giving this the proper thought and attention it deserved I figured the following would be a pretty good representation of my time there . The Upper Floor were the Dorms , Building on the right is the Chapel Tardun , CBAS , St . Mary 's , Christian Brothers , the Big House . . . Some of the names that the " Tardun , Christian Brothers Agricultural School , " was known by , was where I was remanded to for three years , yes I did say " remanded to , " because that 's truly what it felt like when I first arrived . Even though my parents paid for the privilege of me attending school it was highlighted in more than a few places on the application that this was a working farm school and the boys would be expected to engage in very physical and demanding work regime 's which would do nothing but build the young mans character , oh and please sign this part ot the bottom of the sheet where it says that it 's acceptable for the Brothers to engage in corporal punishment for the good of the child . The system was , around 4am we would be woken by a Brother carefully sneaking through the dormitory picking a few select kids to go out and spend the day working a harvester instead of being in school . You know how exciting that was to a 14 year old right ? A day out of school AND we got to either drive the big rig collecting wheat from the harvesters or we operated the actual combines , they put a lot of trust in us . You bloody little ripper . . . Me and about 5 other kids met down in the kitchen for our burnt toast and rubbery eggs , seriously the old cook Joe , would prepare the fried eggs about an hour before we got there , he 'd have them lined up on an aluminum tray , drop them and they 'd bounce ! then after breaky we headed out in the bed of a ute ( Aussie for pick up truck ) to be dropped off at various machines in the paddocks . We got no choice when it came to what machines we were allocated and we had everything from vintage John Deere 's to a brand new Massey Ferguson which of course everyone wanted since it had an air - conditioned , air ride cab . Of course I didn 't get the flash new shiny Red Massey , I got the old piece of faded green John Deere , no air con , no air ride , no enclosed cab , but no worries , I was out of school , I had about a 200 acre paddock of wheat to crop and I wouldn 't see anyone but the grain truck for about 4 hours , till old Brother Synan ( Goggles , ) showed up with my frozen cheese and tomato sandwich , yep frozen , but it also came with a hot cuppa tea that you could dunk the frozen sarny ( sandwich , ) in to defrost it enough to bite through . So , I 'm dropped off with my big water esky ( cooler full of iced water ) which I leave strategically under the partial shade off an old gum tree and the ute pulls away . I go around my machine checking that everything 's where it 's supposed to be , grease a few fittings , and get to work cropping the paddock , by this time it 's about 5 : 30 the suns coming up , the flies are out and the engine is humming beautifully life 's grand . I 'm already just two eye holes and a smile after being covered in dust from the ride out here in the back of the ute , and even though the sun just broke the horizon , I 'm turning into a muddy pile of red dirt , first item of removed clothing , Singlet ( tank - top ) that gets laid across the back of whats left of the tractor seat and I feel a little relief although by now the open air cab is catching and trapping all the heat it can from the engine , and as per usual there is absolutely not one wisp of air movement except the flow of air that idles through the cab as I move along at a snails pace . My arms are in constant motion as I lift and lower the comb on the front of the combine , due to the drought conditions the wheat stalks had barely reached a foot tall , so I had to watch for logs , and bundies ( big rocks ) that had been missed and disturbed during ploughing and seeding season . The Brothers didn 't like it when you dinged up the comb and they had no issue showing their displeasure with a swift smack to the jaw . By about 10am it was sweltering and I was getting no relief from the heat even after guzzling down mouthfuls of by now , tepid water , the dust was caked on thicker than my mums foundation , my eyes were raw from the layers of red dirt that were getting harder to clear with each blink , it was as if I were rubbing them with sandpaper , my once tighty whitey 's were now roughy reddies and were beginning to chafe my thighs with ever bounce of the old piece of crap John Deere , oh how I wished I were sitting in the comparative cool of the 90 degree classroom ! BUT ! an idea sprang to my mind about half way through my next lap . . . The truck had just been and lunch was still a good hour or so away , so I 'd improvise in order to get cool , yep necessity the mother of all invention had just necessiterated my mind , and it was a good un . As God is my witness when he actually pulled up next to me and I realized I had been busted for naked rain dancing I still don 't know who was more scared . He looked at me , I looked at him , he nodded toward my undies and thongs , I stared at them , he nodded again , I walked over and sheepishly pulled them on , he nodded at the bed of the ute , I looked at him , he nodded again , I climbed in burning my ass on the side of the bed in the process , he drove me back to the School , no stopping at the still idling John Deere to get the rest of my clothes , straight back to school in the back of the ute , even though there was a perfectly good seat in the front next to him . We pulled up in front of the main building and I didn 't move , he still hadn 't said a word to me . Then the bell rings for lunch and out into the yard pour the 90 or so student that weren 't working the farm that day . Roo Dog looks at me as he gets out of the ute , I look at him , he nods toward the dorms , I don 't need another nod and I race upstairs in my dirty mud caked undies to the shower block . Not a word was spoken to me regarding the incident from anyone other than the students , and surprisingly I was not called on for harvesting for the rest of the season . Never got my singlet back , but did get my boots returned to me ! One time I was woken early by old Swifty a couple of weeks after that , but it was for bakery duty , not machinery operating , and do I have a great story about baking the weekly bread for the farm , but that 's for another time . When I 'm more in the mood to Write in Spite of Myself . A friend asked me to write a few lines about my transitional journey from driving to typing , and after a few weeks with that question rattling around in the empty space in my brain , the one that used to be full of McGuiverish tricks for getting road trains unstuck from dry river bed crossings and the such , that I no longer needed since I 'm not chasing gears anymore I came up with a somewhat believable answer , maybe I should have asked if she wanted the fiction or the non - fiction version ? I 'll leave it to you to decide . I was actually a writer in progress way before I became a truckie , my life went something along the lines of this . . . Footy - - - No time to write , or read . . . run , run , run , sleep , sleep , sleep . - - - Mining - - - Writing , Satirical poetry mostly Anti - ( BHP ) company , Pro - Union silly stuff but I had pretty much a weekly slot in the towns paper and wrote under the pseudonym " Smegan " bastardization of It 's Me , Egan . I had fun doing those pretty much done on the back of a time sheet , but I had a little cultish following . Reading , not a chance . So now , I 'd be driving down the road and when an idea came to me I 'd jot it in my note book after a few weeks of consistently filling note books , then loosing them either in the truck or at home when I hit the house . I graduated to dictation machines and over the course of a few miles I ended up with pretty hefty stash of recorded thoughts and ramblings of an over tired truckie who probably should have been pulled off the side of the road napping instead of driving down the road yakking into a machine which for the most part seemed like it would have been more believable as the ramblings of a certifiably insane male inhabitant from the planet Drongo . The tapes were actually fun to listen to once I was rested up , but they were really gobbley - gook . This ginger cat , Opie , was a pretty disruptive figure , but he has always had a great personality . He was pretty much a loner , only coming out of his hiding places to annoy the rest of our menagerie . He was supposed to be my lap cat , but that never materialized , sure he 'd make out like he was going to curl up in my lap for a few minutes , putting me through pure hell as he nested , I tolerated it since I figured he was fixing to settle down . He 'd bury his claws into my legs , lay down for thirteen seconds then swagger off without so much as a look over his shoulder , leaving me with a tube of Neosporin and an aching , itchy thigh ! As he headed for his hiding spot under our bed , he 'd always look to smack Maxie , our long haired female cat in a maneuver not unlike a drive - by , a quick thwack to the back of her head never looking at her or breaking stride . A couple of weeks ago we noticed that one of our cats had started to pee outside the cat box that we keep in the laundry . . . Side note here : I hate litter boxes , always have , always will , but we found a product called " The Worlds Best Cat Litter , " and it really works , no smell , no mess , easy clean up so try it ! . . . anyway , we would clean up the pee and disinfect and deodorize and sanitize and sterilize and every other ize you can imagine , but the next day , right in the middle of the laundry floor would be another puddle for us . It took a little while to figure out who was doing it , although my immediate suspicion was Opie , because he 's , you know , a little bugger . Finally last Thursday I saw him saunter up the stairs from the laundry , pausing on the top step to survey his surroundings , then after licking his front paw , he made a beeline for the bedroom , smacking poor unsuspecting Max on the back of the head for good measure , I glanced over my shoulder and Tim Tam was asleep on her perch so I raced downstairs and there it was , a big ole puddle of pee right in the middle of the tiled ( Thank God , ) laundry floor , AaaahhHAaaa said I , it is you , you little basta . . . I mean Bugger of a cat . Tim Tam So immediately to the beholder of all knowledge , the gargantuan of good advice , Google . . . Why is my cat peeing outside his litter box ? Of course there were more than a few possibilities , everything from , Just being a bugger to Feline Diabetes , to Urinary Tract Infection , from the way he was acting we figured it was a UTI , so off to the vet with him , our new Up The Hill Vet . . . two days later , we found out our poor Opie has Feline Multiple Myeloma quite a rare cancer for cats and also no chance of survival . The vet , who by the way , is a great guy has no real indication of how long Opie will live , anywhere from a few weeks to a year , pretty much a guessing game , but , he 's comfortable , we took xrays and he looks good as far as bone mass and internal organs . I hate to think of our place without Opie stealthily being in our lives ,
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The guitar - a Martin N - 20 classical , serial number 242830 - was a gorgeous instrument , with a warm , sweet tone and a pretty " mellow yellow " coloring . The top was made of Sitka spruce , which came from the Pacific Northwest ; the back and sides were Brazilian rosewood . The fretboard and bridge were ebony from Africa , and the neck was mahogany from the Amazon basin . The brass tuning pegs came from Germany . All of these components had been gathered in the Martin guitar factory in Nazareth , Pennsylvania , and cut , bent , and glued together , then lacquered , buffed , and polished . If the guitar had been shipped to New York or Chicago , it might have been purchased by a budding flamenco guitarist or a Segovia wannabe . Instead it was sent to a guitarist in Nashville named Shot Jackson , who repaired and sold guitars out of a shop near the Grand Ole Opry . In 1969 it was bought by a struggling country singer , a guy who had a pig farm , a failing marriage , and a crappy record deal . Forty - three years later - after some 10 , 000 shows , recording sessions , jam sessions , songwriting sessions , and guitar pulls , most taking place amid a haze of tobacco and reefer smoke and carried out with a particular brand of string - pounding , neck - throttling violence - the guitar looks like hell . The frets are so worn it 's a wonder any tone emerges at all . The face is covered in scars , cuts , and autographs scraped into the wood . Next to the bridge is a giant maw , a gaping hole that looks like it was created by someone swinging a hammer . Most guitars don 't have names . This one , of course , does . Trigger has a voice and a personality , and he bears a striking resemblance to his owner . Willie 's face is lined with age and his body is bent with experience . He 's been battered by divorce , the IRS , his son Billy 's suicide , and the loss of close friends like Waylon Jennings , Johnny Cash , and his longtime bass player Bee Spears . In the past decade , Willie has had carpal tunnel surgery on his left hand , torn a rotator cuff , and ruptured a bicep . The man of flesh and bone has a lot in common with the guitar of wire and wood . He cradled the guitar in his lap , pulled out a pick , and began to play . The song was one of his favorites , Django Reinhardt 's " Nuages , " a melancholy instrumental that was popular in France during the Nazi occupation . Willie knows every square centimeter of Trigger , and the fingers on his left hand ascended the rough fretboard and played the high yearning riff that begins each verse , then descended , gently following the melody as the fingers on his right hand picked single notes and plucked chords . He played the riff again , this time descending quickly , bending a string and shaking the guitar 's battered neck . He started to play the melody again , then bounced a chord off it - da da ! - and started to play some other notes , but they slammed into each other - blonk ! - and he went back to the main theme . He played the verse again , rushing it slightly and throwing in a succession of loud , falling notes that changed the tune . At the end he paused and finished with a cascade of sounds , like a leaf falling from a tree . After a sip of coffee , Willie bent his head and played another Django song , fingering a melody at the top of Trigger 's fretboard and playing a descending riff based around a jazz chord . Willie 's hands are large and veined , and his fingers moved quickly over the strings . They sped to the top again for the second verse , and this time the middle finger on his right hand strummed the strings Spanish - style so quickly it looked like a hummingbird . The song came to the bridge , and Willie played loud , clashing chords , then went back to the verse . He ended with a final clanging descent and a soft chord . Willie Nelson , the country songwriter , pop crooner , outlaw hero , marijuana scofflaw , and farmer 's friend , is also a jazz musician . A really good jazz musician . He improvises , plays what he feels , makes mistakes , and plays some more , always coming back to the melody , buzzing around it like a bee . Some guitarists are careful about every note ; they handle their instruments as carefully as a landscape artist handles a brush . Willie treats Trigger like a horse , and he rides him hard . Willie became the guitarist he is by playing this instrument , which he has worn and shaped with his own hands , working his very personality into the wood until it sounds like no other guitar on earth . Most nylon - stringed guitars have a rich , round tone , and they are difficult to tell apart . Trigger is so distinctive - low tones that thump like they have mud on them , high ones that chime like glass - that you can hear one or two notes on the radio and know immediately whom you 're listening to . No guitar is as beloved - or as famed . On Trigger 's face you can see the topography of modern music , the countless hours Willie has spent playing country , blues , jazz , rock and roll , rhythm and blues , swing , folk , reggae , thirties pop , forties pop , and eighties pop . Trigger was there at the very beginning of outlaw country . He was there at the first Farm Aid . And he was there when Willie serenaded President Jimmy Carter . He has shared stage and studio with Ray Charles and Bob Dylan . He has hung from Willie 's neck as tens of thousands of fans sang along to " Whiskey River . " And he has sat in Willie 's lap as Willie comforted friends , such as the time the two of them played " Healing Hands of Time " to Darrell and Edith Royal in their home after their daughter 's death , and then again nine years later after their son 's death . Without Willie , there would be no Trigger . And it 's only a slight exaggeration to say that without Trigger , there would be no Willie . Willie likes to say that his guitar will probably wear out just about the same time he does . But instead of slowing down , as most people do when they approach their ninth decade , Willie keeps doing the things he 's been doing for years , and so does Trigger . The pair did more than 150 shows this year , and they 'll likely do about that many in 2013 . They 'll make some more albums and write some more songs . They 'll play as if they 're going to play forever . According to legend , Roy Rogers stumbled across his famous horse back in 1938 when he was preparing to shoot a movie . The horse was a palomino named Golden Cloud . Rogers rode him , fell in love with how he handled , bought him , and then changed his name . A singing cowboy with a guitar and a gun needed a horse with a name like Trigger . According to legend , Willie stumbled across his famous Martin guitar back in 1969 , after his previous guitar had been knocked out of commission . He and his band were playing at the John T . Floore Country Store , in Helotes , Willie remembers , and at some point he laid down his Baldwin acoustic guitar in its case on the stage . " A drunk stepped on it , " Willie says . He had a couple of his guys take the guitar back to Nashville , to Shot Jackson , whom Willie had known since the early sixties . The thing is , Willie didn 't much care about the guitar , an 800C Electric Classical , which had a thick , beefy neck . The guitar had been a promotional gift from Baldwin - a piano company - in 1968 , along with a C1 amp . What Willie really liked was the sound he could get from the guitar 's pickup , a revolutionary Prismatone piezoelectronic model , made with six tiny ceramic sensors . Before the Prismatone , acoustic players like Willie had to play into a microphone , which meant they were usually drowned out by the band . The new pickup allowed him to play an acoustic guitar onstage with a band and actually be heard , especially with the C1 amp , a solid - state piece of machinery that was designed by Baldwin 's organ engineers to work with the Prismatone via a special stereo wiring system . The amp had a brushed aluminum top and five colorful " Supersound " tone buttons - red , lime green , yellow , blue , and purple - that evoked the groovy sixties . " Hear it , " promised the Baldwin catalog , " and you might think it 's a happening ! " Jackson couldn 't salvage the guitar , he told Willie over the phone . It was too busted up . Jackson did mention , though , that he had a Martin N - 20 on hand and could transfer the pickup into it . Martin was the premier maker of steel - stringed guitars ; the N - 20 , which had been introduced the year before , was a nylon - stringed , or gut - string , guitar , an attempt by Martin to make inroads in the Spanish - style market . Willie liked gut - string guitars well enough , but he was a little uncomfortable buying one over the phone . " Is it any good ? " he asked . " Well , Martins are known for good guitars , " Jackson responded . Willie asked the price . Seven hundred and fifty dollars , Jackson told him . " I had just bought a roping horse for seven hundred and fifty dollars , " Willie recalls . " So I said , ' That 's pretty cool . ' " He bought it , sight unseen . Willie Nelson and Trigger at the Palomino Club in Los Angeles , May 1970 Willie had played a lot of guitars in his life , starting with the Stella his grandparents got him from Sears when he was six and in love with singing cowboys like Roy Rogers . " Strings way up high off the neck and your fingers bleed when you learn to play , " he remembers . He graduated to Gibsons when he was the teenage lead guitarist for Bud Fletcher and the Texans . He practiced by playing along with the Ernest Tubb and Hank Williams songs he heard on the radio . " I 'd try to steal every riff I heard , " he says . He loved western swing and the Tin Pan Alley pop music of the early twentieth century , and he sang along with Frank Sinatra . In his twenties he played electric lead guitar with Dave Isbell and the Mission City Playboys , from San Antonio . By then somebody - either Johnny Gimble , a fiddler for Bob Wills and the Texas Playboys , or Fort Worth guitarist Oliver English , Willie 's not sure which - had introduced him to the music of Django Reinhardt , the Belgian Gypsy who pioneered jazz guitar in Paris during the thirties . " When I first heard Django , I realized he was where a lot of things I had learned up to that point had come from , like western swing , " Willie says . " Johnny Gimble and all the other great fiddle players were jazz players and knew who Django was . All the guitar players knew who Django was . I liked the sound of his guitar but couldn 't get it on whatever I was playing . " He searched everywhere for the right guitar . When Willie lived in Houston , in the late fifties , he played an Epiphone steel - stringed acoustic during the day when he taught guitar lessons and a Fender Stratocaster or Telecaster at night in the honky - tonks . But these guitars were just guitars , something to play the songs with , and when he got to Nashville , in 1960 , he played whatever came his way - nylon - stringed guitars , steel - stringed Gibsons or Martins , and electrics , such as a Fender Jaguar and the green Epiphone his wife Shirley bought him . He played a Fender Jazzmaster at a show recorded in 1966 for the album Live Country Music Concert , with Johnny Bush on drums and Wade Ray on bass . Willie mostly played rhythm , but he hammered out a solo on " I Never Cared for You " that sounded a lot like the Spanish - style solo that was played on the album version he had released two years earlier . But he hadn 't played it on the record - a guy named Dave Parker had . The truth is , Willie rarely played on his Nashville records . After his initial success as a songwriter and recording artist , he had signed in 1964 with RCA , which was intent on turning him into a country crooner . Nashville artists generally weren 't allowed to play on their own albums , nor were their road bands . So Willie made album after album that was heavy on strings and breathy choruses . By 1970 he was miserable . He hated the country music industry . He was going through all kinds of personal changes - reading the poems of Kahlil Gibran and the prophecies of Edgar Cayce , smoking marijuana , and growing his hair long . He was getting big ideas about what he could do with music , ideas that would never fly in Nashville : concept albums , songs about a perfect God , and monologues about an imperfect man . Willie didn 't know it yet , but he was becoming an artist . All he needed was a spark . What he got was an inferno . In late 1970 , Willie 's house outside Nashville burned to the ground , cause unknown . He and his family lost just about everything : clothes , furniture , master tapes . The tragedy had a purifying effect , though , wiping out Willie 's unhappy past in Music City and opening up the future . And it gave him a good excuse to get out of Nashville for a while . He jumped at the chance , decamping for Texas . When he left , he took one of the few valuables that had been spared by the flames : his new Martin guitar . For the next few months , Willie settled into a house near Bandera while his Nashville home was rebuilt . He sat around contemplating his future and playing his guitar . He hadn 't named the instrument yet - that came much later - but for the first time , Willie had fallen in love with the sound of one of his instruments . " When I found that guitar and amp , I knew that was the sound I was trying to get , that Django sound , " he says . Django had actually played a steel - stringed Selmer guitar , but to Willie , its mellow , plucky tone ( a product of the tortoiseshell button Django used as a pick ) sounded like a gut - string . Like his Martin . Later that year Willie found himself at a music - industry guitar pull at the home of songwriter Harlan Howard . Willie didn 't get his turn until two in the morning , and he sat on a stool , held his Martin in his lap , and played songs from Phases and Stages , a concept album he 'd been working on that told both sides of a divorce . The party was almost over - half the crowd had gone - but Willie and his guitar turned the quiet to their advantage , making the spare songs of longing and regret sound like the desolate poetry of love . When he finished , a bearded man walked up to Willie and introduced himself - it was Jerry Wexler , who had discovered and produced some of the greatest soul and R & B artists of the sixties . He was starting a country division at Atlantic Records , he said , and he wanted to release those songs . Willie signed with Atlantic , which offered him the creative freedom he had longed for . Then he made an even bigger change : he abandoned Nashville and moved back to Texas , to a ranch west of Austin . He came home . His first album for Atlantic was Shotgun Willie , and the new Willie and his guitar introduced themselves at the start of the first song , the lazy , bluesy title track . Willie riffed on his Martin throughout " Shotgun Willie , " then soloed for the last 30 seconds of a 2 : 43 song . The next song was " Whiskey River , " and again he played a bluesy solo , this time in the middle . " Those two songs are the ones where I really started changing , " Willie says , " where I switched into blues more , rock ' n ' roll blues stuff . " The guitar led the way , guiding songs , lurching and pulling them along . The Martin was already beginning to show signs of early wear . In 1974 Willie was the debut act on Austin City Limits . When you watch the episode now , he and his guitar look impossibly young . His beard is red , his guitar 's face is shiny and yellow , but it 's already got a small hole near the bridge , the result of his pinkie and ring finger digging into the wood as he played . " When I saw the hole coming in there , I didn 't panic or anything , " he says . " Growing up , I played a guitar that had a big , round hole . " On " Whiskey River , " you can see Willie 's two lower fingers curling above the hole while he picks . The guitar , plugged into the Baldwin amp , sounds clear and earthy , and Willie plays standard country riffs while the band shuffles and swings . He switches between using the pick and thrumming his middle finger . On " Will the Circle Be Unbroken , " his fingers fly up and down the fretboard . The Martin made Willie feel like he could do anything . He recorded Phases and Stages and then Red Headed Stranger , a spare , stripped - down masterpiece in which the man and his instrument are dependent on each other and even sound alike : raw and quivering with vibrato . You can hear Willie 's fingers pulling and pushing on the strings . You can hear the air in the room , the spaces in the music . In 1978 , almost a decade after Willie had bought the Martin , he made the biggest album of his career , one that sounded like nothing he had done before . On Shotgun Willie and Red Headed Stranger , he was making his own kind of country music ; now he was ready to make his own kind of music , period . Stardust - a collection of ten pop standards , many of which Django himself had recorded - was the Tin Pan Alley - jazz - country - pop synthesis he and his guitar had been leading each other to for years . Willie played elegantly in some places , forcefully in others , with a punchy , percussive attack . He sang behind the beat , making his voice tremble like Sinatra had done , and his guitar followed in kind . He was creating the most ambitious music of his life ; his goals were bigger than just selling records . But the funny thing is , he was selling more records than ever . Stardust , his intimate self - portrait , would go on to sell more than five million copies . The Martin had become the most important part of Willie 's sound , and keeping it intact became a top priority . This job fell to Poodie Locke , Willie 's stage manager . In the mid - seventies Poodie had gone to see a young Austin luthier and repairman named Mark Erlewine , who had a shop on Guadalupe Street , north of the University of Texas campus . Poodie needed someone to look after the guitar and invited Erlewine to meet Willie . They met at the Austin Opry House bar , and Willie told Erlewine , " Just keep my guitar going - as long as it 's working , I 'll be working . " Erlewine cleaned the raw white spruce around the hole , then sealed it with lacquer . " Spruce is a very soft wood , " he says , " and everything that gets in - sweat , beer - affects it . " The Martin already had its first autographs , courtesy of Leon Russell , who etched his in with a knife , and Johnny Bush , who used a ballpoint pen . Poodie began taking the guitar to Erlewine whenever the band took a break from touring . He was especially worried about the hole , which was getting bigger as Willie dug his fingers into the wood . Just as troubling , the wood around the hole was getting thinner . " It was so thin , " says Erlewine , " you could have accidentally put your finger through it . " He placed a couple of short mahogany braces under the soundboard to shore it up . Willie played so hard , and his fingers attacked such a wide area - from the bridge to the sound hole , above it and below it to the edges of the guitar - that Erlewine had to clean a lot of wood . He used cotton diapers and naphtha solvent , pushing out the dead skin and dirt . Then he 'd lacquer the guitar and buff it . He 'd go over the fretboard with steel wool , then rub it down with lemon oil . Every time Poodie brought in the guitar , it had more autographs . Some were famous musicians - Roger Miller , Johnny Cash , Kris Kristofferson - and others were members of Willie 's band or crew : Paul English , Poodie , Budrock Prewitt , and Tune ' n Tom , a . k . a . Tom Hawkins , who had become the guitar 's caretaker on the road , changing strings every three or four gigs and tuning it up . Some signed the guitar in Magic Marker or Sharpie , and their names were soon lost in the blood , sweat , and beers of the nightlife . Others scratched them in with a ballpoint pen but didn 't push deep enough , and their names too slowly faded . Soon Willie lost track of exactly who had signed his guitar . He and his band were touring all the time ; by the mid - eighties they were on the road six months out of the year . His singing and playing were getting more idiosyncratic . He pretty much played the same songs every night but not the same notes . Most guitarists are either the rhythm player or the lead player : they strum or they solo . Willie strummed , but he also played single - note leads , two - note gypsy chords , and arpeggiated solos in which he would ( as Django had ) play the notes of the chord as well as others around it . He 'd bend the strings so far it seemed they would break . Then he 'd throw in a blues riff . This all took a toll on Willie 's equipment . He wore away even more of the soundboard , revealing the braces already there , which forced Erlewine to attach more mahogany braces , as well as " cleats , " little pieces of spruce that bolstered the thinning wood . Eventually the hole stopped growing . But there were other problems . By this point , someone had dropped the guitar on its input jack , which was set in the side of the guitar , and the wood around it had split . This hole was covered with a small metal plate , and the jack was moved to the very bottom of the guitar . The insides of the Baldwin amp were also wearing out , but fans would give Willie their old Baldwin amps , and his people would then cannibalize them . Willie was rough on his guitar even when he wasn 't playing it . Erlewine found himself having to replace the guitar 's tuning pegs , because the one for the D string kept breaking . " The old man 's got this nervous habit , " Poodie explained to Erlewine . During shows , after Willie played a song , he would fidget with the D - string peg , turning it up and down , which was ruining the gears . Willie had no idea he was doing this , and Erlewine usually had to replace the pegs every four or five years , though one set lasted all of nine months . In 1989 the band was touring in Southern California when Poodie brought the guitar to Rick Turner 's shop in Los Angeles . The bridge had split and broken off . Willie had a show the next day , and Turner had 24 hours to repair it . " We gotta get it fixed , " Poodie told Turner . " When the guitar can 't go on , he won 't go on . " Usually it takes a minimum of 48 hours to properly build , glue , and set a new bridge , but Turner did it in a day . Willie and his guitar hit the road again . Photography by Watt McSpaddenTrigger Willie 's endless party ended - momentarily - in late 1990 , when years of unpaid taxes caught up with him . Federal agents invaded his Pedernales ranch and confiscated everything they could get their hands on . One thing they didn 't take - maybe the most valuable thing on the property - was the guitar , which was sitting on Willie 's bus , parked just down the road from the main house . Willie was in Hawaii during the raid , and when he heard that his guitar had been spared , he asked his daughter Lana to send it to him , just to be safe . She grabbed the guitar and got it back to her dad . By then he had started calling his Martin by a name , and not just any name : Trigger . The guitar had earned its new handle after more than two decades of faithful service . Willie 's rise and fall - the boy from Abbott who became the Nashville hit songwriter , the outlaw country icon , and the pop superstar , brought down by the full , merciless force of the federal government - had been epic , almost biblical . Such a man didn 't play any old guitar . Whenever he was asked why he chose the name , he said , " Roy Rogers had a horse named Trigger . I figured , this is my horse ! " And now he rode that horse nonstop , determined to pay off his debt to the government and get back to his life . He recorded nine albums from 1992 through 1996 , several of which were centered on Trigger , such as the low - key Spirit ( 1996 ) , still his favorite . And he hit the road , where he sometimes played so fast and wild it sounded like he 'd moved from channeling Django to channeling John Coltrane . Willie would turn around and face the amp and make it roar with feedback . He 'd slash the strings and pick hard , always at his own pace . His band would follow , as if they had any choice . " I just start playing , and all the musicians wait to see what I 'm doing before they jump in there . Because at that point , I 'm not sure what I 'm gonna do . " If you needed proof of how important Trigger was to Willie 's sound , you 'd hear it when he strapped on a Strat for a blues song - and sounded like any other speedy hotshot blurting out riffs . Willie needed Trigger . He also needed Erlewine , who saw Trigger for checkups twice a year as the guitar entered middle age . Willie was playing so much that he was wearing down Trigger 's frets , especially the first five . The wear wasn 't just under the strings either , where most guitarists create little divots from constant play . The frets were worn down all the way across , a sign of how far Willie bent his strings . Flat frets cause buzzing and a dead tone and force the player to press even harder to get a good sound . Erlewine suggested a fret job , but Willie said no . " I like the way it 's sounding all right , " he said . " If it ain 't broke , don 't fix it . " Over the past fifteen years or so , Willie has taken advantage of his status as an aging superstar to make albums he 's always wanted to make and work with people he 's always wanted to work with . He did an album of instrumentals that was heavy on Django and a children 's album based around Trigger . He and Trigger went up against Wynton Marsalis and his trumpet on a collection of blues and standards . Willie brought everything full circle when he joined Asleep at the Wheel for a 2009 album of the sort of western swing tunes that inspired him to become a musician in the first place . The one constant through it all was Trigger , who , by Willie 's count , has now racked up a million minutes of playing time . Erlewine looks forward to Trigger 's semiannual physicals . He oils the bridge and cleans the fretboard , the wood of which is so eroded it looks like waves between the frets . Then comes the lacquering . The mottled area just above the sound hole shows the effects of fifty coats of lacquer applied over 35 years . The darker parts are colored by dirt and dead skin that can 't be removed ; the lighter parts are where Willie has dug deep into the spruce . Erlewine carefully rubs the gouges in the wood that run parallel to the strings between the bridge and the sound hole , a sign of the force with which Willie plays . " To go in and pull on the strings like that , " says Erlewine , " is more of an unschooled , gypsy way of doing things . " He inspects the wood along the curve at the top of Trigger 's body , where Willie 's right arm has rubbed for 43 years , and the scratches at the bottom of the sound hole that are left by the strap clip . He 's especially careful around the thirty or so signatures that are still legible . In the right light he can see the impressions left by others , names or parts of names fading into the wood , like faces receding into memory . Finally he inspects Trigger 's maw , staring into its abyss . Willie has always insisted , in that Zen - like Willie way , that the hole is a good thing . " I always thought it enhanced the sound , " he says . And he may be right . Luthiers have long experimented with a second hole , and there 's a Hawaiian custom guitar company that crafts many of its acoustics with two of them . The thinning of the spruce around the hole has probably helped too . " You walk the line between strength and tone , " says Dick Boak , a longtime designer and archivist at Martin Guitars . " The wood that is missing may improve the sound . As you scratch away at the top , the diminished thickness of the membrane will most likely make the guitar sound better . " All things considered , Erlewine says , the guitar is in pretty good shape - except for the frets . " There are certain notes that are just pffft ! " he says . " Everyone around Willie knows it . They just shrug their shoulders and say , ' He 's doing pretty well - he doesn 't want to change ! ' " Erlewine finally gave up trying to get Trigger re - fretted . " Willie 's living his life , and Trigger 's living it with him , with all the aches and pains that go along with it . " The truth is , the worn frets just force Willie to play with more force , more vibrato , more bending , more shaking , more attitude . Despite the fact that Trigger has spent his life with a bunch that was once notorious for outrageous behavior , he has no big cracks , his headstock has never snapped , and his sides and back look relatively fine . Willie can sometimes seem cavalier with Trigger during shows , lifting him high in the air by the neck , but he 's always been fiercely protective of his guitar , at least twice resorting to physical measures to take him from drunken musicians . Once , Willie roughly pinned songwriter Johnny Darrell against a wall and rescued Trigger , and another time he slugged Jerry Jeff Walker to get Trigger out of his arms . The only time Willie okayed a major alteration was around 2008 , when he wanted to change the way his strap attached to the guitar . Since the beginning he had routed the strap around his neck , down under the guitar , and then clipped it onto the bottom of the rim of the sound hole , mariachi - style . But years of playing had led to a large knot on his neck where his trademark red , white , and blue macramé strap had rubbed . Willie wanted to try a normal strap , which meant putting a button on the side of the heel of Trigger 's neck . Erlewine obliged - with predictable results . Willie hated it . " It changed the whole balance of the guitar , " says Tom Hawkins . " He did it for one day then went back to the old way . " At the end of every checkup , Erlewine puts on a new set of strings , strums the guitar , and marvels again at how sweet Trigger sounds . A guitar sounds better as it gets older , just like a Stradivarius does . The wood ages and the tone gets more lively . " New guitars have to have time to open up , " says Erlewine . " The wood has to vibrate , it has to move , to bring the sound out . Willie plays so much , it 's brought out the tone of the guitar . " For years Willie 's crew tried to get him to toggle over to another guitar - or to at least give Trigger a break . In the mid - nineties Poodie found a 1968 N - 20 that was in much better condition . Willie tried it , thanked him , and put it back in its case . In 1998 Martin made an N - 20 replica , calling it the Limited Edition Signature N - 20WN , in Willie 's honor . Willie tried one , thanked them , and put it back in its case . His loyalty is legendary , as is his dislike of change . At this point he 's simply not going to play another guitar . " Every guitar has its own feel and sound , " Willie says . " The Trigger replicas are nice guitars , but anyone who has played this guitar can tell you immediately that there 's a different feel . " In June Willie took his band into his Pedernales studio to do some recording . The studio is where he recorded works of art like " Still Is Still Moving to Me " and works of commerce like " To All the Girls I 've Loved Before . " Pedernales is a refuge from the road and the real world , a place to forget about the deaths of old friends . It 's Willie 's sandbox , a place to go and play . Willie sat in a chair near a window looking out over the Hill Country , Trigger cradled in his lap . He was wearing black jeans and a black T - shirt , running shoes , and white socks . Next to him was a table that held an ashtray , a cowboy hat , and his cellphone . The rest of the band - harmonica player Mickey Raphael , drummer Billy English ( Paul 's brother ) , bass player Kevin Smith , and Willie 's sister , Bobbie , on piano - sat in other rooms or isolation booths . A cord ran from Trigger around a baffle and straight into the old Baldwin amp , which is battered and scratched . The outside is the original frame from 1968 , though the insides have been almost completely changed out . The colors of the Supersound tone buttons are nearly as bright as they were four decades ago , though the purple one is long gone . Most of Willie 's albums over the past decade have been ensemble pieces , and Trigger has been just another instrument in the studio . This session was a return to a quieter way of recording . Willie planned to play a few of his own songs as well as standards like " Alexander 's Ragtime Band , " " Twilight Time , " and " Nuages . " Four decades after leaving Nashville , Willie still hews to the habits he picked up in Music City , where albums were made in assembly - line fashion . He 's matter - of - fact when the tape is rolling , going from take to take , song to song . He doesn 't like to waste time second - guessing . The band worked on " I Wish I Didn 't Love You So , " a sentimental oldie that has been sung by everyone from Sinatra to Aretha Franklin . Willie didn 't like a drum pattern that English played and suggested he try a change . " Something real light , " said Willie gently , " something you feel rather than play . Don 't let me tell you what to do , but it felt a little heavy . " They ran through the section again ( " That sounds a lot better , Billy " ) , then did the whole song a couple of times . As Willie sang each line , Trigger offered a response : " Okay , " Willie said when they were done , " let 's do it again . You ready , Sister ? One , two , three , four . " This time the solo wasn 't as inspired - it started slower and at the end tumbled into a couple of blurred chords . Willie took another solo later in the song , plucking a series of distorted , arpeggiated chords that fell into the melody again . He ended with a lithe descending run that rolled at its own pace , something Django would have done . " Let 's do it again and fade it on the end , " he said . " You ready , Sister ? " On this version , he played a few bluesy riffs in the verse , hit a chord early in the chorus , then revved up with a flurry of notes before settling back into the melody . Sometimes when he played he seemed to lose himself , raising up his heels from the floor . He 'd lift Trigger from his lap , shake him as he bent a note , and then lower him again . He shook his head as he sang , getting even more vibrato - " But when I try " - holding the last syllable until the band caught up with him . The second solo was higher and clearer , the notes like rain falling on a plastic drum . " Master your instrument , " Charlie Parker once advised . " Master the music and then forget all that and just play . " Willie soloed again at the end , racing ahead of the beat , letting it catch up , then playing a high blues run and going back down again . There was something familiar about it , but it also felt totally new , like you were hearing something that had never been played before . After a couple of other songs , Willie said , " Let 's do ' Nuages . ' " He played the romantic melody , climbing slowly and ambling back down ; on the second pass he climbed faster and rushed the melody - which made the slow part even sweeter . Then it was Bobbie 's turn to solo , and while she played , he sat and listened . The band did two more takes , and on the last one Willie closed his eyes for a few seconds during Bobbie 's solo . Then he opened them and looked out the window , the fingers on both hands moving but not playing , as if he were keeping them limber . He had one more verse to do , and as Bobbie finished up , he bent his head and put his hands on the guitar , and he and Trigger began to play . Willie Nelson Never Mind the Bollocks , Here 's Willie Nelson Growing Old at Willie Nelson 's Picnic " Willie 's God ! Willie 's God ! We Love Willie ! " Skully
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I think , I write . I see , I write . I remember , I write . I read something , I hear something , I write . I am happy , sad , angry , indifferent , I write . . . like the babbling brook I flow on and on . . . like the leaden cloud I pour out my thoughts . What 's your sign ? This is how the article starts . . . . . Oh I must explain that I discovered a few old cooking magazines among my cook - books . This one is a 1998 edition of Canadian Living 's Food . I found the idea of cooking astrologically very interesting . No , and that 's an emphatic negative , I do not subscribe to the stars to dictate my days , decisions or relationships . But this is so much fun , when you remove the ' belief ' from it . They say , and I quote . . . " You 'll discover some intriguing insights into who likes to eat what , and even some surprises about your own idiosyncracies . Many people 's culinary personalities are a perfect reflection of their Sun signs . If yours or your guest 's isn 't quite typical , it 's likely because there 's a stonger planetary influence somewhere in your charts . But in that case ( or if astrology isn 't your cup of tea ) , just match up the personality traits with someone else you know - then dazzle them with their favourite dinner ! " " Would pasta please a Pisces ? Will a Virgo like your new wine glasses ? Can a Taurus and an Aries find happiness at the same table ? Is it safe to take a Scorpio to a restaurant ? Will you let a Gemini in your kitchen ? " See I told you it would be fun just to toy around with the subject ! However the article doesn 't go on to enlighten the reader about how and where to get the required know - how about reading the stars for culinary excellence and delights . . . . well it 's all in the stars and who has reached them ! But they have been kind enough to show the way by giving each sign one selected dish according to their reading . I am listing the signs and the dishes and do let me know if your selected dish works for you . I will list the ingredients that go into each one and if you need the recipe will oblige accordingly . . : ) Enjoy the read , and if the dishes do not fit your personality or taste I 'm sure imagination of the dishes would titillate the palate . Aquarius - Blueberry Honey Soda BreadAll purpose flour , wheat flour , baking powder , salt , baking soda , butter blue berries , eggs , buttePosted by Some time back I wrote a story where one of my characters was travelling through life with his eyes fixed on the rear - view mirror . I had referred to it as a character flaw because the man looked back to dwell on the negative aspects and developed a cynical approach to life . However , there is another perspective on this . Looking back is not a flaw , if one reviews the past with a positive attitude , with the intention of making changes in the present where changes are required , altering attitudes where alteration is needed and learning from past experiences . I 've been driving with an eye on the rear - view mirror for a couple of days . My hindsight goes a long way back , not to my experiences but to History , to the Exodus out of Egypt ! I dwell specifically on the length of the journey ; a journey that should have taken only eleven days . So why did it take forty years ? Something there connects to me and my experiences in Chile . The lesson is constructive and enlightening . I suppose any lesson that can get you out of the desert faster and happier in less than the forty years you take going around the same mountain has got to be a great one . So how did an eleven day journey stretch to forty years ? I will attempt to summarise the main points in a layperson 's terms . According to the account , as recorded in the Bible , the Israelites were an ungrateful , complaining lot . The moment a bit of problems or trouble arose , they 'd begin the blame game and in - fighting and grumbling would ensue . They would not listen to the leaders nor comply with the rules . This resulted in a breakdown of system , order and law . During the tedious journey it was apparent things would be hard . They were travelling through the wilderness and the climate would have been harsh and there would have been lack of basic necessities . And definitely , even depletion of resources . In all this they were so focussed on the problems that they became blind to the presence of God , who was constantly guiding them , providing for them and protecting them . For example at one point , they were without food and near starvation , at this time " manna " was provided from heaven . Initially they were happy with something to fill their bellies and sustain them . Then when the pangs of hunger were fulfilled and strength regained , they began to complain that Manna was a poor substitute for the food they were used to eating in Egypt . They even began to lament their short - sightedness in following Moses . They preferred to be slaves in Egypt than to bear the hardships of an eleven day journey . Their attitude brought up delays in theiGoing to Chile was a literal uprooting for me , from the place that had been my home for my entire life . It spelt the closing of a chapter in my life and the state of uncertainty in terms of the future . It also took me out of my comfort zone ; Comfort of not only familiarity but also of creature comforts and the small luxuries I was used to . In a way it was a takeoff on the exodus from Egypt . It was my ' lone departure ' to the unknown future . My sojourn would take me on a long route touching South Africa , Brazil and finally to Chile . Not a frequent ' lone ' traveller and with mobility problems , to say I was nervous would be an understatement . I took the flight with complete assistance , wheelchair et al , and honestly looking back today I will have to admit it was almost hassle - free and I got through all formalities aided by airline attendants . Yet when I had long waits for flights , sitting in a wheelchair cramped , tired and feeling a certain amount of discomfort and pain , I 'd begin to moan and groan a bit to myself . Fortunately I had the " complain and remain " and " go around the mountain " quotes getting me back to a more appreciative attitude . I could hardly walk by the time I landed in Sao Paulo , but I was thankful that I could sit up and also shuffle down the aisle to my seat . What 's more , I actually thanked God that I could go to the toilet without assistance . Just the thought of it continues to keep me grateful . Barely seven days in Vina Del Mar , Chile and the big earthquake rocked my world . The stress and fear and constant moving from one temporary accommodation to another took its toll . Not being an angel , I did at times regret the hasty decision to travel there . But hindsight and lessons imbibed from it helped me to keep looking at the silver - lining that has constantly girded the dark clouds filling me with hope and gratefulness . Such an attitude provided the ability to look for blessings in disguise , and a sojourn that should have spelled a disastrous pattern has turned out to be a lesson in itself . If I had continued to grumble , moan and groan and pick at fate , God , man and blame all for my predicament , I wouldn 't have met the amazing people I got to meet , I wouldn 't have made lovely friends there either . The innate goodness of humans would not have manifested itself , and I would have remained ignorant of the goodwill , humaneness and the indomitable spirit of people that continued to survive , even during calamitous situations . The beauty of this picturesque city would have been lost on me and I would have marked it as " hell . " Time would have moved painfully slow . But now I have indelible memories of kindness , thoughtfulness , warmth and friendship to carry along with me . The most important point is that it has underlined my belief in God and his presence in and around me at all times . Have you ever rocked yourself in a rocking - chair ? Where does all that rocking take you ? Nowhere ! Focussing too much on the problems and difficulties of life is akin to sitting in a rocking chair . You stay stuck in one place no matter how hard you rock and go nowhere . Looking back should not be a " rocking - chair " moment . Hindsight should be used to find areas of change or improvement ; a gleaning time for lessons . Such an attitude will see you walking ahead a wiser and more cheerful person . Why prolong misery by sticking with it ? My stay over there has given me deeper insights into my soul . I have discovered the various hues of my spirit that mark milestones in my growth as a person , and the three months I stayed there passed as a few days . Much can be accomplished with appreciation , gratitude and determination . One needs to keep moving onward and looking for those " Kodak " moments and " ha - ha " situations . With due apologies and no offence meant to religious sentiments , I 'm sure Biblical history would have recorded another story if the Israelites had known this . I 'm alone once again . And once again I lose count of the days , the hours and the minutes … They don 't matter any more . Time is interminable . My futile efforts to fill the void , send me foraying into a plethora of memories . Rummaging through school days , college yearsAdolescent joys and tearsThey flash across the mental screen , I will them to stay … . Just a while , so I am not alone . Vainly I try to hold a wave upon the sand , sadly I relinquish the moonbeam in my hand . And it begins to rain . The rhythm of the falling rain beats a haunting tattooThat recalls vivid memories of other rainy days . Evoking the sweetness followed by painThat slowly gives way to a numbness . I don 't want to feelHappiness , sorrow , misery or pain . I don 't want to remember … . Good days or bad days , grey days or wet daysI block out the past and stare out of the window . Something stirs within . I fight against myself … a losing battle thisFor the dark skies and falling rain call out to me and I cannot resist . I must yield . I can 't be immune to it . The memories flood back like the overflowing drains …… Gurgling , rushing , uninterruptedWashing away the dirt , dust and debris . Leaving in its wake quiet , calm , peacefulness . And I lay my head down exhausted . Too tired from the roller - coaster ride of emotions …… The upswings and downswings . Somewhere clouds clash streaking the skies , breaking the silence with its thunder . The flood - gates open to the release … And I drown in a deluge of tears . Years of conditioning in convention and orthodoxyMake me look for purpose and divine reason to every twist and turn in life . The purpose is found , the reason justifiedBy theological philosophies I pretend to understand . I try to be stoical in the face of it , Wondering what else is expected of me . The outer walls I build around meOf hard cold reasoning and hollow sounding platitudes , harden and thicken whileHidden inside the crumbling begins . Broken and battered I cower inside the fortressSuspicious and scared of every shadow , Of which there are manySome real , rest imagined . Posted by My Dear Beta , How are you ? Thought I 'd do the old fashioned thing and write a letter . . . . oh we call it mail these days . . . : ) I think this quote says it better . . . . " What a lot we lost when we stopped writing letters . You can 't reread a phone call . " But then I am a sentimental fool and being from a past generation only compounds it . . . LOL I 've had quite a restless night and am feeling a bit drowsy this morning . Even my cup of nice , strong ginger tea couldn 't raise me up . Guess a cold shower will fare better ! I suppose too much of time on one 's hands is not good for the mind . . . . . . . I thought about that too , about the connection , and figured it out . . . . . the hands dig up old memories and skeletons long buried . . . idle hands . . : ) Whacky eh . . ? ? Hopefully , things will settle down and I will finally be on even keel . Too much has transpired too soon . . . back - to - back and it is telling on me . . . age I suppose is finally overtaking my mental capacity and strength . . . . the fight seems to be dying down . Still the morning brings hope , it 's the evenings and night that dash all hopes while I battle loneliness . It 's a sunny day today , clear sky so I guess we get some respite from rain . I enjoyed a rickshaw ride in a drizzle the other day . It was early morning and I had to draw cash for the maid 's pay . Threatened by heavier showers I scurried to the ATM . . . . but remembered too late that muddy puddles and speeding cars were also on the way ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Pachaaak . . . pachaaak . . . . . . . . . : ( Oh that 's a rhyme . . . . unintended poetry LOL That 's it for now . I 've had my tea and shall read the paper . Love . . . Mama . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . GlossaryBeta . . . . . . . . sonrickshaw . . . . . . . . a three - wheeled cycle carrier . It has a cushioned seat behind the rickshaw driver which can comfortably seat two people . It is canopied and offers some protection from light showers . pachaak . . . . . . . a Hindi word to convey the sound of splashing water . . . I was swept by a deluge of things to do . . . things not done yet . . . . things I should have done earlier . . . . things I shouldn 't have done earlier . . . perhaps not at all . . . . ! Setting up home all again and that too alone , can take the micky out of you . Here in India it involves co - ordinating with the Movers & Packers , internet service providers , phone connection , cable ( TV ) connection , police verification , running to the Residential Society Management offices of both places , the current one I 'm living in and the new one I 'll be shifting into , to get NOCs to move my luggage out of the old and into the new . Then I need to ask for permission to use the lift to cart the big stuff down fifteen floors and of course pay a fee for that ! ! There 's nothing wrong in all this except that none of these people value time or efficiency . And that 's when the tsunami strikes in waves over waves of irritation , stress and eventually anger . Very carefully I orchestrated the entire process of getting required permissions , documents , intimating service providers , making payments only to find that the Movers & Packers who were to come at 8 . 00am haven 't reached till 1 . 00pm . . . which is why I 'm at my laptop ! The service providers have been " doing their job " for the past two days in bits and drabs , and the phoneline , internet , TV cable are yet not installed . The electrician is too involved with selling his old mobike and buying a new one so can 't see to replacing damaged fixtures . I 'm on the phone every ten minutes yelling at one or the other of these guys , and at times I get my connections all mixed up and find myself asking the plumber why the truck hasn 't reached . . . or the Packers why the aqua - guard hasn 't been installed . . . Finally I decided it would take more than sticks and stones to break their bones , resigned myself to a cup of ginger tea and pouring out my woes on my blog . Why didn 't I do that before I think . . . and go back to my list of . . Things I should have done . . . things I have to do . . . . . Life 's a ring of funnies ! ! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Posted by Wedding GamesAn Indian wedding is marked by its fanfare , colour , blaring music , brass band . . . a blend of the traditional and modern . That 's how most Indian weddings are . And then when the rituals and rites are through you 'd think its over , but there 's another think coming up . . . there are wedding games to be played ! Well , when I say ' games ' I mean games . I learned about these games when my elder son got married . A few of my friends from Rajasthan got the newly wed couple to play a few ' power games . ' What was especially amusing about the activity was that the maximum wins decided who would wear the pants around the house ! So it was obvious the bride would try her best to beat the groom . I gathered that this was introduced to alleviate the anxiety the bride might be feeling . In India arranged marriages are usually the norm , so a girl doesn 't really know the boy very well , much less the family . Besides an Indian girl doesn 't just marry a boy , she marries the whole family too ! It would certainly be tough for her to walk into a household of strangers who are now her family . But to come back to the games . . . . The first one was - searching for a ring in a thali ( a big , deep , steel plate ) of milky water . A ring is immersed with a lot of almond shells and rose petals . The couple have to search for it using just one hand . The second one was - untying knots with one hand . A thick thread ( dori ) is tied around each one 's wrist . Then the ends are knotted several times . The knots have to be untied using one hand . The winner is decided on who unties all and how quickly . The third one was - find the cotton . Little balls of cotton are hidden on the person of the bride and groom . Hiding places could be their clothes , hair , behind the ears etc . The couple take turns locating these . Since we don 't have these games in our Christian wedding ceremonies , it was fun for us . Can 't say about the couple , it was well into the wee hours of the morning and they had had a long day . Our wedding receptions are usually dinners that go on and on and on . . . . wedPosted by " Looking for your face ' . . . . . . . " Recognizing your face " . . . . . . " Welcome . " That 's my laptop 's way of greeting me every time I switch it on . Makes me feel great . It 's almost like a baby looking around for a face it knows , recognizing it and welcoming it with a smile of relief . Ever seen a baby do that . . . I remember how I used to feel when my babies did that , my heart used to melt . And it makes me think . Don 't we also look for a face ; A special face in the crowd ? At the railway station , airport , in a strange place , at weddings and parties , we look for a face in the crowd ; and when we recognize one the welcome erupts in a million ways . Waking , sleeping , dreaming . . . yes especially while in that sub - conscious to unconscious state , I look for faces . Faces from the past , faces from the present . . . faces that reassure me ; that tell me " all is well . " It doesn 't matter from how far this assurance comes , from beyond the blue or from over the miles and seas and oceans , they comfort me . They are faces I seek , recognize and welcome into my world . On the flip side there are a few times when my laptop , finds it hard to make a recognition . It asks me to face the camera . In other words I 'm not in the ideal position . This makes me shift and turn , move forward and backward , in an effort to position myself just right . It applies to life too ! We find a familiar face but fail to recognize it because the person has shifted or changed positions ; grown , evolved . It becomes difficult for us to accept and welcome . At times like these I think the laptop provides the answer again ! Like your face is the stamp of recognition you carry all your life , in legal documents too , there are some values that define who you are at the core . If these change you become unrecognizable to some . It is the point where one can look within and decide if the changes and evolution are in the right direction . The laptop is like a parent or very special person in your life , no matter how much you might change , it still welcomes you if the most identifiable part of you remains Posted by There was a time many , many years ago when having the best and being the best was extremely important to me . It didn 't matter who had what , I never compared myself to anyone . I only believed I had the best of everything , and so it was . This expressed itself in many hilarious announcements of greatness . . . or more correctly , perceived and misplaced exaggeration . This phase lasted till I was ten . Thereafter it took the form of quiet confidence and acceptance . I suppose age and related maturity that at most times follows , played a major role , which is good but I miss the humour it used to produce . I mean I appreciate it now , in hindsight ! One day , when as usual , I couldn 't find something that actually sat right below my nose , my brother commented that I had potatoes instead of eyes . This would have gone down quietly if it hadn 't been for a conversation with Daddy about the Irish people and the spuds that formed a staple diet in their country . So I knew that spuds were bigger than the potatoes we were used to . So how could I have simple potatoes for eyes ? Drawing myself up to the maximum my tiny stature would permit , I declared loud and clear , " I don 't have potatoes I have spuds , " which sent everyone into a fit of laughter . It needs no saying that I thought they were dimwits and it would be useless to make them see , that I had bigger potatoes for eyes than they imagined . There were quite a few similar instances , but I will skip that for now . Many , many years later my younger son out - did me with a whopper . He was a little genius at three , who couldn 't understand why he had to study Hindi when he was planning to marry an American who wouldn 't understand a word of the language . What made this rationale interesting was that he could barely speak English beyond a few words . He had many more questions about other subjects , which he felt he was wasting time on . He loved sports , story - telling , drawing , sketching and such things , what I 'm getting at is , grades meant nothing at all to him . As long as he passed eacPosted by It 's Sunday . . . one of those days I really have nothing much to do on the home front or the professional one , and that 's not something I always want . It 's better to have something on my list . . . so I find things to do . This morning lost myself in the early hours of the day in lilting Pahari music , played on the santoor . Here on the fifteenth level , the breeze is cool and fresh in the mornings . . . closed my eyes and allowed myself to float . Back to earth , I am looking forward to a chocolate and dessert session with a chef of a five star hotel . I was lucky to get an invitation ! ! It 's going to be a long drive but it 's worth it . My new commitment has kept me from blogging for a while . I realise it wasn 't the lack of time but the choice to devote whatever time I had to dwelling on that one thing to the exclusion of everything else . I 'll be back . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Glossary : Pahari music ( raga , dhun ) . . . . . . . classical music and folk that originated from the Northern hills . . . from Nepal , J & K , Himachal , Uttaranchal etc . Santoor . . . . . The santoor is an Indian stringed musical instrument . It is related to the Indian shata - tantri veena of earlier times and has strong resemblances with the Persian santur . It is a trapezoid - shaped hammered dulcimer often made of walnut , with seventy strings . The special - shaped mallets ( mezrab ) are lightweight and are held between the index and middle fingers . A typical santoor has two sets of bridges , providing a range of three octaves . The santoor as used in Kashmiri classical music is played with a pair of curved mallets made of walnut wood and the resultant melodies are similar to the music of the harp , harpsichord , or piano . The sound chamber is also made of walnut wood and the bridges are made of local wood and painted dark like ebony . The strings are made of steel . ( Wikipedia ) It 's been some time since I 've been down memory lane . That 's a walk I miss . By the time I have done with the business worries , strategies , mails and " no mails " situation and decide to write , it 's futile and " kora kagaz , kora hi reh jata hai . " . . . my spirit is willing but my flesh is weak , and I succumb to bed and slumber . . . or soccer ! It 's a fledgling flight . . . never been in the business area before . . . just a bit more and I 'll be able to take some breaks on auto - pilot . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Glossary : kora kagaz kora hi reh jata hai . . . . . . . the blank page remains blank . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . My recent trip to one of the hill stations in the Kumaon Hills where the ubiquitous langoors and Rhesus monkeys can be spotted swinging on trees and jumping on rooftops , brought home some memories of other Simian encounters in another time : past and not so distant past . When I was a young collegiate , we lived in a city situated in the foothills of the Shivalik Range and would drive uphill to towns further up very often . One of these places was Shimla . The town was infested with monkeys , some of which were just naughty while others were downright pests . The first time I actually observed simian cunning , was in the market where a fruit vendor had a rehri full of bananas . He was having a tough time keeping the thieves at bay . Every time he dealt with a customer , a bunch would be flicked off the cart . He would yell and gesticulate threateningly and smack his forehead but it just didn 't matter to the long - tailed Rhesus who would happily munch through the bunch and wait for the next distraction at the cart . While we were having our laughs at the expense of the agitated vendor , a young boy probably the vendor 's son , arrived . His appearance was an obvious relief for the man . He gave him a stick and put him on guard duty . Many of us , who had nothing better to do than watch the show , decided to move off . The fun had ended or so we thought . Fortunately , we were among a few who took their time moving along , and that 's how we got to witness this scene . The boy successfully staved off all the monkey attempts to steal bananas . Every few minutes a monkey would approach the cart and by then there were more than one , coming in from different directions . The poor fellow had to run left and right shouting and twirling his stick . We cheered him on and this helped him to go at it with more gusto . Suddenly my friend whispered something and pointed under the cart . Underneath the cart , perched on the metal support was a smaller monkey who would stretch his arm and pull a couple of bananas from a bunch near the edge . It would eat thePosted by I 've been rather caught up with setting up my new Firm and have not been able to write as much as I 'd love to . All my writing skills and energy are being put to use in doing writeups for flyers and website ( which is under construction ) and getting the presentation just right , making modules and finding the right ice - breakers , activities etc . I will be out on my first business trip tomorrow . . . going uphill to visit some residential schools . Just wish me luck and those of you who pray . . . please pray that it goes well . . : ) Will not be here on this page till Monday . See you then . Superstitions , Myths and Black MagicIndia is a land of many superstitions . Today we do not hear much about them , as education and science have played their part in a large way . Having said that I must mention that all don 't come under this education of the mind . India lives in the villages and in these villages superstitions thrive . Grandma was a storehouse of strange stories , superstitions and myths . She was a strange mixture of cynicism and credulity . She was a firm believer in God , nevertheless she had a couple of beliefs that had nothing to do with him . At times , I wasn 't so sure if I wanted to believe her or not . However what I saw convinced me she was right about developing strong conviction , but not about the superstition per se . What I saw was not superstition . . . it was extreme calm in the face of danger . This courage was born of unshakable faith . When one believes implicitly in anything , it transfers immense strength to the inner self . This is what I saw and learnt . But her stories and actions based on her belief in certain superstitions were indeed very interesting , and for that moment I allowed myself to go with it . It gave me the thrill that scary movies give . . . goose bumps and white - in - the - face breath stopping moments . One of her firmest beliefs was that , a snake got hypnotised or as she put it " blinded , " if the firstborn child of a family came in front of it . Since she was the firstborn child in her family , she believed that snakes couldn 't move if they encountered her . Since we lived in the country and had big fruit gardens and vegetable gardens , our home was host to many snakes ; permanent residents as well as visitors . Many of these unfortunate ones met their end at her hand . Now killing a snake isn 't such a great feat , but killing a snake that stayed rooted to the spot while she picked a lathi or stood quietly watching the snake while a stick was brought to her , now that 's something I have never seen or heard of before . The snakes were swift and agile when any other member of the familPosted by Miriam JamesMiriam was born in 1900 , in a small town in Punjab . Her mother , a widow , had converted to Christianity before she was born . Her mother must have been a very forward - thinking woman , an exception in that era , when in India girls were generally not allowed a formal education . She was illiterate but intelligent . She had a family to support and while she wasn 't poor , she wasn 't a lady with ample means either . In order to augment her income , she began lending money ; loaning money at a fixed interest . She kept meticulous accounts despite the fact she had never been to school . Miriam was fortunate to have been born to such a woman . Miriam 's mother decided that her daughter would have a good education . She sent her to study at a school in Andrew 's Ganj in Delhi . Miriam completed her Matriculation here . Having studied in Delhi she learnt English too , which was the main reason why her ten children learnt the language fluently even though they were studying in small town Government schools in Punjab . Miriam 's education also served in getting her an educated husband . She married Bernard James , a teacher in a government school . Teachers in small towns , in those days , were highly respected members of society and their larders were always overflowing with the offerings and gifts of grateful parents and students . It would have been very rude at that time to refuse the gifts of grain , ghee ( clarified butter ) fruit , farm - fresh vegetables etc , which were brought to the home of the teacher . This was " guru dakshina " ( gift of gratitude from student to teacher ) and not any kind of bribe for favours of any kind . It was unthinkable to attribute any such base motive to these gifts . Miriam and Bernard had ten children , five boys and five girls . Owing to her mother 's precedent , of not discriminating against the girl child , all of Miriam 's daughters were given a sound education too along with their brothers . Bernard went on to become a Senior Teacher in the Government High School and from there he moved to the MissiPosted by The CollaboratorIt was all about location . We were between two prime targets , namely the GT Road and the railway line , both of which were main transit lines for military equipment , troops etc to reach the northern borders where the fighting was fiercely on . For some time we were sitting ducks for stray bombs that wouldn 't hit the target . I didn 't know whether I should applaud or cry . . . a miss was good for the country but bad for us ! Then the bombs began to fall farther away from us but closer to the targets , fortunately none caused any major damages . Mr Major lived one house away from us . I never learnt what his real name was . In fact I wonder if any one even remembered it . He liked to be called Major , which wasn 't his given name , but his rank in the salvation Army . I 'm not sure if one ever " retires " from the SA , but he was no longer an active member . He and his wife lived a quiet life in a small white house with a patch of green in front , where flowers grew and a vegetable patch behind , where he grew amazingly huge snake gourds among other veggies . We never communicated with them . But with the war on and security measures being solicited through citizen awareness and participation , Daddy and uncle had to inform the people around our residential area about certain things . Besides strict observance of total black - out , there had also been issued " shoot at sight " orders by the authorities . This was when we got to actually meet with him and his wife . I remember the day Daddy and uncle returned from a meeting with the officials , in - charge of vigilance , security , law and order . They looked serious and thoughtful . Authority was given to certain citizens to challenge suspicious persons and shoot - at - sight if deemed necessary . Since our home housed a good collection of weapons including the carbine , a semi - automatic rifle , and Daddy and uncle had defence backgrounds this authority , for our area , was given to them . For the first time we saw the rifles coming out for a purpose other than ' shikaar ' . It was uPosted by My sister makes a wishDaddy had decided to put in his papers and take a premature retirement . Premature it surely was , he was only forty - five and had a long way to go , but his heart was set on dedicating his time totally to evangelism . So in 1965 , we moved to his town in Punjab . He was going home ; we were going to Never Land ! Of course , the descriptions differed in each of our minds . I am not sure what Never Land signified for my siblings , for me it was rich in every way ; experiences , adventure , fantasy , challenges and fun . My eldest sis didn 't fancy it much I guess , because as soon as she completed her Senior Cambridge , she came to the " village " from her snooty school in the hills , and dashed off to Delhi to train as a nurse . This left four of us kids ( my younger brother had arrived by then ) with grandpa , grandma , mummy and Daddy , the cows , buffaloes , chickens , rabbits and a dog named Tommy ; fruit trees , open spaces and rolling fields . It was an absolutely wonderful life for me and my brother initially , because , we had no school to attend and the whole day was spent exploring the surroundings , shooting pigeons and whatever flew or ran or crawled , with our catapults . I don 't know how my elder sis spent most of her time , but there were rare occasions when she would join us to spend the afternoons in our treetop getaway . We would take up books , some munchies and lemonade , and while away the lazy noon swaying gently in our hammocks that were way up in the treetop . On one such rare day , three of us were sitting around in the vegetable garden behind our house and sharing our dreams , wishes and fantasies . As we tried to outdo ourselves in our imaginations , she blurted out that she would love to see two planes right above us in active combat . My brother and I guffawed . We knew she was right off her track , because she wasn 't into these sort of imaginings . She was very " girlie - girlie " and dreamt of " sissy " things . However , we had to agree that she had indeed outdone us in ' bizarre . ' We heard the roar Posted by God give me an Ark . . . Please ! Ours was a very religious home . Both Mummy and Daddy were strongly entrenched in the preachy kind of religion in a big way , which made it but natural that we kids came under a dogmatic training . Well , not all the children , the fourth one namely me , did have it a bit easier . It never occurred to me then that I was a privileged one . However , even though I took my father 's leniency for granted , I never expected any from Mummy . She couldn 't fathom why I was being spoiled so much by my father . If I had spared a thought for it , I wouldn 't have understood it either . At the age of six , I had other more compelling issues to think about , none of which involved mum . With both my elder sisters in boarding school , and just my brother and I at home , I took the full brunt of her disciplining . My brother was a meek soul ; quiet and docile , who wouldn 't question anything mom or dad said . On the other hand , I was a fire - brand . I 'd have to ask ten thousand questions before I 'd do anything , and if my questions were not answered to my satisfaction I 'd argue my case endlessly . If my mother got exasperated , I don 't blame her . I must have been a handful for her . She blamed daddy , poor man , for my argumentative nature and endless questioning . I would go into a fit of giggling as she 'd grumble how my tongue was growing faster than I was . This only added fuel to the fire . My biggest rebellion against religious restrictions arose because of being curtailed from singing anything other than hymns and choruses and I wanted to belt out ' Travelling light . . . , ' ' Lipstick on your collar ' . . . , ' ' One and a - two , I love you . . , ' So I retaliated by refusing to pray out loud . I would say that I wanted to pray in my mind . Daddy was fine with it , trusting that I would pray but mum knew it was a ruse . Anyway , my enthusiastic participation in singing at evening family prayer mollified her . I remember once she caught me in one of those rare , pliable moods and cajoled me to pray loudly . I did . It went liPosted by You Sang To MeIt all started when I was eighteen , at a dinner hosted by my parents . Mrs Joel had called up to ask if she could bring her brother David along . He had arrived that afternoon to join a new job in our city . My parents said he was welcome . As the party progressed , the youngsters present began to sing and dance . David joined in . He asked if he could do a solo number and we cheered him on . Soon we were rolling with laughter as he sang the most hilarious parody I had ever heard . That was definitely the first time I ' noticed ' him . I never met him again for months , till the big Convention . Mr Joel , who was incharge of the choir was conducting auditions . I didn 't think I 'd make it but I did get into the sopranos . David was singing bass . Singing practice had never been so enjoyable before . Then the week - long Convention was over . I got busy with college and David with his job and teaching guitar at weekends . It was some time before I ran into him again . The Youth Fellowship had to conduct the Sunday service and desperately needed someone to sing bass in the choir . One day to go , no luck . We resigned ourselves to what we had . Each one of us was assigned some work in preparation for the Sunday Youth Service . I had to see to the flower arrangements on the Altar . The fresh blooms arrived in the evening and by the time I carried the big bunches of flowers into the church , it was already getting dark outside . I 'd never been in the church at this hour and looking down at the rows of empty pews , from where I stood on the altar steps , gave me an eerie feeling which I should not have felt considering I was in a church ! So I gave myself a mental kick and set to work . Did I imagine it or was that a guitar I heard ? I turned around slowly . The pews were unoccupied . I looked further , at the Choir Stand - no one . Ghosts ! I thought and then shook myself . Can 't be . This was a new building . That was a reassuring argument ! ! It took all the courage I could muster up , to walk down the aisle and cautiously peer into the Choir Stand . TPosted by I hated funerals . I never seemed to know how to express my sorrow and to what degree . Being emotional by nature I would be deeply moved by someone 's grief , however sharing it was an art I had yet to master . Often termed " tough " by my family , I had moulded myself to live up to the impression , without consciously realizing it . My shoulder was always the Rock of Gibraltar , which gave solace to many weeping , heart - broken friends in college . Over the years counselling , advising and listening became my forte and I soon became the agony aunt everyone sought . Marriage , in - laws , kids and career posed new challenges along the way . Each was to be met and resolved firmly , positively and cheerfully . I had learnt the art of hiding my emotions . Displaying pain , disappointments , tears of anger , frustration or grief did not become me , hence had to be hidden . At some point I became a perfect pretender . Then tragedy struck . I lost my husband . I could not cry . I found myself incapable of expressing the deep sorrow , fear and insecurity I felt . To people I appeared calm and composed . They called me brave . Since then , funerals became even more difficult to attend . Fortunately , there weren 't any of close friends or relatives , till that day in August 2000 . My sister lost her elder son to militancy in Tamenlong . My nephew was a young , brave , promising officer in the Army . Just twenty - six , he was not only the apple of his parents ' eyes but also the pride of the entire family . I did not know how I was going to console my sister , and express the deep sense of personal loss I felt . Dry - eyed , I tried the best I could . It was not difficult as both she and her husband , faced it with a stiff upper lip . I wondered if they were going through the same inner turmoil I had experienced , at my own tragedy . Their son had a martyr 's funeral with full military honours . When the buglers had sounded the Last Post and the echo of the gun salute had faded away , the flag that had draped his coffin , was presented to his parents . In the deep silence that wrapped this poignant ceremony , we heard a broken voice saying - - " We bear no ill - will against those who killed our son " , as they accepted the national flag . The quiet dignity in sharp contrast to their pain - wracked faces and haunted eyes , unlocked the door on years of pent up emotions and I felt the pinprick of tears , as they welled up and overflowed . I cried . Unashamed , unmindful of the onlookers , I was crying not only for them but also for myself . I had learnt at last to feel pain , sorrow , anguish and to express it without the feeling that I was a weakling . In years of trying to be what my family thought of me , I had forgotten to be myself . By reaching out to my grieving sister and experiencing her pain , I came face to face with my true self and I was not ashamed . I came away putting to rest all my fears and misconceptions . Now I no longer shy away from the onerous task of offering solace to the bereaved , it is an art , which I have mastered . The Things People SayMy friends and neighbours are wonderful people . But the most amazing thing about them is the way they provide moral support and understanding when something goes wrong . Their language on its part , conveys in full measure , all that they intend ( and don 't intend ) to say . It isn 't the fault of the speaker or the language - Oh no ! It 's just that they 've been saying the same things for so long that they 're absolutely unaware of the shocking meanings or messages their well - intentioned words often impart . For instance , take the day my son met with an accident and broke his left arm and had to undergo surgery . I heard things like . . . " That 's good , it could have been worse . " " Oh it 's the left hand , then it 's fine . If it were the right it would have been bad . " I 'm not sure what this person meant when he said , " Chalo bahut achcha hai . Now he will become a man . " ( come on it 's very good . Now he will . . . . . . . . ) Of course I know they all meant well . There 's never been any doubt about that ! Then there were those well - wishers of mine who helped me through my post - operation days with gems like these . . . . . " Thank God it was only cervical cancer . . . " " You 're so lucky , you have no more worries . " A rather short - sighted conclusion , I thought . But the remarks that were truly bizarre were the ones spoken to comfort my sister who lost her son , a young Army officer . How does a bereaved mother react to . . . . " It 's good you have two sons , one is left for you . " " It 's good he died in action , now you 'll get a sizeable compensation . " " It 's good he died before getting married . . . . imagine how it would be . . . . " They were all friends and genuinely concerned , but they did not choose their words carefully , and came across as rather insensitive people . I 'm sure these are not isolated cases . Everywhere and all the time sympathy and empathy are conveyed in similar fashion . In an effort to encourage and pour out hope and comfort to the family people put not only a foot but both feet in thPosted by Stolen Verses My parents were poles apart and naturally had very different ways of remembering their courtship . It brings the much quoted line , " Men are from Mars . Women are from Venus " into sharp focus . Daddy 's way would be teasing , humorous , sweet , loving . Mummy 's would be in extremely sharp contrast . She would recall all the old squabbles , grouses and peeves , then she 'd pout , I imagine the same way she must have done a long time back . One of her major discontents emerged from an incident involving her book of poems that she gave Daddy , instead of the chocolates the other girls gave him . In 1945 , Daddy had got commissioned and was transferred from HMIS Llanstephen Castle to join Bombay as CCO . He was called Jimmy unofficially . This is where he met Peggy , a stenographer ( WRINS ) When all Jimmy 's efforts to break the ice had failed , he gave up and left Peggy to her own world , which in the office was a small New Testament . Every minute of spare time would see the little book in her hands . She would devour every line and word . She was on the way to " being saved " as they say . However Peggy outside the office was another person ! Anyway , Daddy was quite impressed by this and took note of her " good character " even though her " holy cow " act didn 't appeal to his macho image . In the mean time a particular Ms Cutting made her move and caught Daddy 's fancy . Although Peggy wouldn 't admit it , Ms Cutting had ignited a spark of jealousy and Peggy decided to show another side of herself to the boss . One morning Daddy was surprised to find a diary in his desk drawer . It was Peggy 's offering to him . He was taken by surprise and as he read the beautiful verses she had written , he was impressed . Peggy had given him her heart and soul in that book of poems . If she thought that she had executed a coup she was mistaken . Ms Cutting had the boss ' total attention . Daddy thanked Peggy for allowing him to read it and returned it to her with a word of praise for her talent . Peggy was fuming . Country bumpkin , she Posted by The Native Returns Friday , 9th April , 2010 . . . . . It 's a cold , cold day today . To me it 's winter even though the Chilean calendar says it 's still Autumn . A chill wind , started to blow last night and it was mucho frio . I had hoped for a sunny day as I have promised to put mehndi on Gabriella 's hand . The cold has got to my back and one spot on the right is acting up . I 'm resting it out and hopefully I 'll be able to keep my side of the promise . Gabriella is a pretty , young and vivacious waitress working at Manchester . She knows a bit of English so we talk whenever she has a moment to spare . Yesterday she learned that I was from India and got all excited about henna art . It seems her grandfather is Arabic and he has given her some henna . I 'm neither sure about the quality of the powder nor about how to apply mehndi with a wooden pen . In India we use a cone , which makes it easier to make the intricate designs . I 've asked her to make a paste with a bit of lemon juice and sugar . Eucalyptus oil or any other essential oil is out of the question for her . In all probability it won 't be available or then too expensive . But it all depends on my back . Last night Tintin found a beautiful apartment to shift into . It is on 4 Norte , very central to the shopping areas and the spot where the office cab picks them up . The most important thing it is on the first level . Second it is bigger in area than the present one , which is also spacious , and it falls cheaper too . Since I won 't be here when they move into the new place , I plan on seeing it before I leave . Back home in India this would be no problem , but here one has to fix up an appointment with the property dealer first . And woe to you if you don 't keep the appointment ! So now it rests with the dealer and landlord . On Sunday we have an invitation from my friend Roxana . They 're having an asado ( barbecue ) at home and we have been invited too . I 'm looking forward to that . 12 April , Monday , 2010 . . . . The morning dawned grey and cold but the sun has put his hat on and Posted by Easter week and farewell parties 6th April , Tuesday , 2010 . . . . . . It 's been a while since I wrote anything . . . . anything at all . Almost the entire Easter week went away in suspense . I was to leave Chile on the 3rd , as I have mentioned in one of my previous entries . Till Thursday evening we were still not very sure about my ticket . Then finally we were told that it couldn 't happen and now I 'm looking at this weekend , probably Saturday , as my day of departure . So I wasn 't in the mood to recount much . Wednesday saw Manu and I doing a bit of shopping . Nothing much and I could hardly walk or stand . It wasn 't a very pleasant spree for me . We visited just one shop so that speaks for itself . Thursday Tintin had an off , half of which he spent seeing to some of his pending work . Then in the afternoon we went to Lider to buy some things like essences and peppers , which I wanted to take back with me . From here we went to the mall across the street called Marina Arauco , checked out a few things I liked , then went to Ruby Tuesday for lunch . Fortunately they have Wi - Fi so I could check my mail too . I had a sumptuous meal starting with Thai Phoon Camarones ( breaded shrimps , Thai style ) followed with a Loaded Potato and fresh salad . A fresh strawberry - lemonade washed it down . While we were here there was a tremor ( 5 + ) but I didn 't feel a thing . I was blissfully oblivious of everything except the laptop and my blog and writing site . Actually I was feeling quite happy and calm , so I suppose it numbed my senses . From here we retraced our way back to where I had found a couple of things I wanted to buy , picked them up and returned home . I enjoyed this day thoroughly . A farewell dinner had been planned by Tintin and Manu so they had invited Roxana and her family too for dinner . I rested at the guesthouse , in order to be better inclined physically and mentally to handle the evening . Ranjit had left the choice of the restaurant to Roxana and she led us all the way to Valparaiso . A few yards from Pablo Neruda 's house stands a sea - Posted by A teacher by chance ; a mother by choice ! I choose to do many things which I enjoy like reading , writing , travelling , cooking , singing while I cook : ) ) . . . . dreaming with my eyes wide open , often overthinking things that don 't matter in the end . . . . in short I am a " woman in process " and I am enjoying the journey as I mutter , grumble , praise and raise my way through . I love open spaces , flowers and plants , keeping dogs as pets and , my friends , my family and God above all things .
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Novelist Elmore Leonard is a Detroiter and fiercely proud of it . Many of his stories are at least in part based here , and he 's always very careful to get his facts straight . Unlike , say , the TV show Detroit 1 - 8 - 7 , there are no made - up newspapers , street names or colleges . Leonard has lived here for most of his life , and he 's traveled the streets at night with the Detroit Police . He does his homework . Now 85 years old , Leonard lives in Bloomfield Village with his wife , Christine . His house , with its gated , arched driveway , is predictably impressive though not obnoxious , and it 's in keeping with the area . His office is airy and sparse , set up for writing with few distractions . There 's no computer ; Leonard 's completely old - school , writing his novels longhand , and then writing them out again using an electric typewriter . He has no desire to learn how to use a computer , explaining that going from a manual typewriter to an electric was a big enough change . And if you consider it , that 's a lot of longhand writing and storytelling . Over his 60 - year career , Elmore " Dutch " Leonard has penned 44 novels , 21 of which have been adapted into feature films . He 's a master of dialogue , a fact he 's very proud of . Watch Jackie Brown ( Quentin Tarantino 's superb adaption of Leonard 's Rum Punch novel ) or Out of Sight ( featuring one of George Clooney 's best performances as suave bank robber Jack Foley ) again , because most of the dialogue you hear is lifted directly from Leonard 's pages . He molds his characters carefully , giving them a life and a soul . He is , in short , a master of his craft . He thinks hard about what he says and reveals only what he wants to and little more , but he 's also witty and charming . When he does say something amusing , he 'll slightly grin , preferring to drag from a Virginia Slims and move on . He 's an animated conversationalist , gesticulates with his arms to accent , sometimes rising distractedly from his chair to retrieve something from a shelf that 's unrelated to the interview , or leaf through a pile of papers when caught by a thought or idea . His crossed legs often switch sides quickly . In this context his words and body language say that after six decades of writing , he 's lost no passion for his art or desire to work . His most recent novel , Djibouti , was published last fall by HarperCollins . Elmore Leonard : There were other places first . New Orleans , Dallas , Oklahoma City , back to Dallas , Detroit , Memphis , back to Detroit , all before 1934 . My father was with General Motors , and he was with different zonal offices all around the country . Leonard : Sure . I like New Orleans . If it were some place else , like Duluth , Minn . , maybe I wouldn 't feel any kind of kinship with it , but New Orleans is a good town . I 've done a couple of book tours , but I haven 't been back there since Katrina . My cousins live in Bay St . Louis , Mississippi . Their house was swept away , but they built another one on the spot . They love it there . Leonard : There 's a picture of me standing in front of a car in 1933 or ' 34 . The picture was taken in Memphis , and I 'm standing with my mother and my sister , and I 'm at the side of the car but I have my foot on the running board in Bonnie 's kind of pose . She had several poses like that where she 's in front of the car with her foot on the bumper holding a gun . I 'm pointing a pistol at the camera . The influence has to be Bonnie and Clyde , although they weren 't nearly as successful or really adept at robbing banks as their publicity has been blown up to suggest . They didn 't do a lot . They 'd rob little grocery stores and things like that . They were always being chased and they 'd always run into a roadblock . Leonard : I 've been watching the Tigers since my mom and dad used to take me to the games a lot back before the war . I went into the service in ' 43 . I went into the Navy , and then I was sent overseas , South Pacific , and I joined a CB outfit , construction battalion . I did that for about a year or so , and then I came home and got a ship . I went down through the canal to Virginia to decommission the ship . That was it , 30 months . I returned and went to U of D . I had planned to go to Georgetown , but all my friends were going to U of D so I went there . I didn 't know what to take . I majored in English because I liked to read . That was the only reason . Leonard : There was a pitcher in the American League , Hubert " Dutch " Leonard . I forget who he played for [ the Red Sox and the Tigers , in fact ] . When I was in high school , he was still pitching but he was in his 40s . He started as a fastball pitcher but as he got older he was throwing knucklers . I was at high school , second year , and a guy said , " I 'm gonna start calling you Dutch . " It caught on , and it helped because Elmore was a tough one to carry around when I was young . A lot of people would call me Elmer . Leonard : No . I 'm always asked that . Did you learn how to write briefly ? I don 't write briefly . Some of my sentences will go 100 words or more . No , I didn 't learn a thing . Especially writing on the Chevrolet account ; you had to write kinda cute about the car , the station wagon . " You put youngens in the back , " and that kind of thing . I did much better on trucks . Leonard : Yeah , because of the market . The market for Westerns in the ' 50s was terrific . There were a couple of dozen pulp magazines still publishing . The best ones were Dime Western by Popular Publications . I started researching the West . Almost all of my stories were set in Arizona in the 1880s . I learned about Apache Indians and got into them . I like them . They were pretty mean . I wrote about 30 short stories in the ' 50s and five books . Two stories were bought for movies . I wrote eight Western novels altogether . I like Westerns . I may even write another one . I don 't know if there 's a market , but there 's a movie out right now , the Coen brothers remake of True Grit . I started to watch it last night but fell asleep . I can always write another Western . Leonard : Definitely . Especially after The Detroit News asked me if I 'd do a piece on the homicide division , Squad Seven . I went down and spent three weeks with them . They would call me when they had a homicide . I would meet them at the scene and watch them investigate . Back to the police headquarters on Beaubien , I would watch them interrogate witnesses and suspects . That was fun . I 'd sit in when a guy finally gives up and is confessing , making his statement . Leonard : I 'm here because this is where I live . There 's no reason to move . I thought about going to San Francisco in the ' 70s , but then I realized that I 'd have to learn all the streets , how to get around and all that . It wasn 't worth it . I certainly wouldn 't live in LA . The traffic is terrible . I was there in ' 69 when there were a lot of hippies . You could smell the marijuana on the street . It was crowded . Sunset was packed with people , and that was fun . Seven hundred thousand people shipped out of Detroit when they built the freeways . That was it . Everybody left , and Detroit went from nearly 2 million to where it is now [ 714 , 000 in the Census announced last week ] . Everybody is still around , they 're just out [ in the suburbs ] somewhere . There was the problem with the auto industry , but that 's coming back . There are so many pieces written about Detroit , about how barren it is now with all these empty lots all over the place . The people are still here , they 're just out of the city limits . It 's gonna come back . It 's got to . This is a big , exciting town . We 've got the four sports teams here ; we 've got a great art museum . We 've got enough activity here . It 's got to come back . Leonard : Oh , yeah . When I was researching with the cops , this is what I ran into following them around . This is what was going on . In the mid - ' 70s , there were more than 700 homicides in the city . Now it 's down to 400 , which is a lot but still . . . That 's probably because of the decline in population . Leonard : I saw the first one . They 're having trouble , I understand . I don 't know why they called it 1 - 8 - 7 . I was not familiar with that term , what it meant , and I still don 't remember what it means . I went down to their headquarters and I met a lot of the people including the head writer . When I was ready to leave , he said , " I 'm gonna have to start reading your work . " They should have already started reading my work . It 's accurate . It 's what it is . I don 't know why they didn 't read it . Leonard : I know about them . I 've only seen them on television . I haven 't seen them live . I know one of the guys , Johnny Evans . He would play in the bookstore in Birmingham , when they 'd have poetry readings . He 'd play his sax in the background , which was really weird . Leonard : To be authentic with dialogue , definitely . It 's always written from the point of view . Scenes are always from someone 's point of view , not mine . When you 're looking at the scene as a character sees it , it might become ungrammatical . What did I say in my Ten Rules of Writing ? When proper usage gets in the way , it may have to go . Leonard : There aren 't any secrets . I wrote them 10 years ago in Denver when I was the guest of honor at a writer 's conference . In my hotel room , I wrote the 10 rules . That afternoon , I recited them . I came down off the stage with two sheets of paper in my hand . A guy came over and said ' Can I have those ? ' So I gave him the rules . A couple of years later , The New York Times asked me to write a column so I did the rules again . Less than a year after that , we had the rules published . They were printed in China . Ten rules , but a 90 - page book . One line per page . It 's thick and it 's hard to open because of the heavy paper . I don 't know why they did that . Leonard : I don 't map out a plot . That 's why I had a little trouble with Djibouti . The way I saw it , they will go out on this little 30 - foot boat and start shooting . They 'd finally meet some pirates and there 'd be shooting and so on . But , I didn 't want to write it as it happens . So they go out , and then the next chapter , 29 days later , she 's back in the hotel looking at footage of Djibouti . Then you can get hold of the whole thing at once as a story . One thing leading to another . The characters that they meet in Djibouti , introduce them and so on . It was around Page 120 when I realized I had to get more of a story in there . It was the same old thing . They were talking to pirates that they liked and were successful , driving around in a Mercedes in town . Then I brought in al - Qaeda . I also brought in an American criminal who had served several years before he goes over , James Russell . Leonard : Yeah , I have a lot of fun writing full stop . All my scenes are realistic . Stories set in Detroit are as realistic as I can get them . I try to be very accurate with the attitude of the cops , especially homicide cops . The ones that I 've met have a good , dry sense of humor . They 're having a good time too . Leonard : Twenty years ago , someone criticized my women - that they were more in the order of women in Mickey Spillane novels , just there because they 're women . I resented that , but I 've tried to concentrate more on my female characters and make sure I 'm bringing them to life . In Killshot , the husband is an iron worker . He 's a very macho guy . Has a drink before he goes up on the iron and walks the narrow strip of metal . I thought , he 's gonna be the main character . In the opening of that book , we meet his wife and see the two of them together . I thought , he 's not the main character , she is . That 's the way it turned out . Leonard : George Clooney liked Out of Sight very much , so I thought I 'd give him another one . But he still hasn 't read it , and he decided that he doesn 't want to be another bank robber , so I 'll have to find somebody else . I thought George was great as Foley . Leonard : Well , it has been in a lot of cases , but some good movies were made - Out of Sight , Jackie Brown and Get Shorty . Those were good pictures and they stayed fairly close to the books . They picked up as much dialogue as they could , and I was very happy with them . Leonard : The Big Bounce was made twice . The first time , I said , this has got to be the second - worst movie ever made . Ryan O ' Neal and Leigh Taylor - Young starred . Then it was made again , and now I know what the worst movie made is . They didn 't know what they were doing . They were in Hawaii shooting it , and mine takes place at the top of the thumb in Michigan . I 'm always excited to watch the latest one , wondering if I 'm going to recognize it or not . I have liked the three most recent ones . Be Cool was not good . The director [ George Armitage ] , he said , " Do you have any advice for me ? " I said , I 'll tell you the same thing I told Barry Sonnenfeld when he did Get Shorty . I said , when someone delivers a funny line , don 't cut away to get any laughs or grins . These people are all serious . Well , the second Travolta movie , he ignored that completely and they all just yack - yacked it up . I thought it was terrible . Leonard : I stopped in ' 93 . I did one for Billy Friedkin at Paramount . I finally admitted that I didn 't have any fun writing screenplays . Normally it was from a book that I 'd already written . My energy went into that . Now I 'm sitting here trying to work up a little more interest in the project . That 's hard to do . The studio guys always have ideas . What about this , what about that ? Backstory - they love backstory . Well , we don 't know what she 's all about . I say , yes you do . You know all that you need to know about her . You don 't have to know when she went to school or if she was married before , any of that . I walked in one time and the guy who was the head of the studio said , " All you did was turn the book into the screenplay . " I said , " Yes , that 's right . " He said , " We wanted to see some new stuff . " So why did they buy the book ? Leonard : I was happy with Mr . Majestyk , very happy , because it 's still paying residuals and I wrote it in ' 75 . I might get a check tomorrow . You never know what the sale was , but one - quarter of the gross of the sale is what the writer gets . I did that one for Walter Mirisch [ the producer ] . He and I are good friends . He 's got five or more Oscars , behind his desk on a table . He 's a good guy . He calls about every two weeks and wonders what I 'm doing . I always send him a manuscript . He hasn 't made anything in years . Leonard : They didn 't get her . They tried different personalities , and they didn 't catch it . They didn 't find that one that really worked . Finally , they gave up . Jennifer Lopez got it right away . Leonard : That was kind of him . I haven 't read that much of him . I 've read maybe a half - dozen of his books . How many has he written ? A hundred or so ? He 's written far more than I have . He does it so quickly . Does he rewrite ? I 'm rewriting all the time . It takes me about three pages longhand to get one that I like . Then I type it . I 've been doing it like that ever since the beginning . I started with a Royal portable typewriter , and all I was doing was X - ing out lines . I thought , I 'm wasting all my time . I should just write it out and if I don 't like it , cross it out and keep going . That 's finally what I did and what I 'm doing now after 60 years . I don 't use a computer . My researcher has all the equipment . All the electronic stuff . I call him up and ask him a question , and he tells me immediately the answer . I 'd be looking around and trying to read the screen . I 'm going to have to learn , a little bit . But there are so many people who have never used a typewriter . I 've had this one now for about 20 years . I was reluctant . I used to have a regular old stand up one . This one , you plug it in . I was afraid it would be too sensitive . That 's why I put it off for so long . I 'd hit the wrong key and there it would be . I worry about dumb things like that , until finally I got the typewriter . Now , it 's hard to get ribbons . A lot of good writers still use typewriters .
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Novelist Elmore Leonard is a Detroiter and fiercely proud of it . Many of his stories are at least in part based here , and he 's always very careful to get his facts straight . Unlike , say , the TV show Detroit 1 - 8 - 7 , there are no made - up newspapers , street names or colleges . Leonard has lived here for most of his life , and he 's traveled the streets at night with the Detroit Police . He does his homework . Now 85 years old , Leonard lives in Bloomfield Village with his wife , Christine . His house , with its gated , arched driveway , is predictably impressive though not obnoxious , and it 's in keeping with the area . His office is airy and sparse , set up for writing with few distractions . There 's no computer ; Leonard 's completely old - school , writing his novels longhand , and then writing them out again using an electric typewriter . He has no desire to learn how to use a computer , explaining that going from a manual typewriter to an electric was a big enough change . And if you consider it , that 's a lot of longhand writing and storytelling . Over his 60 - year career , Elmore " Dutch " Leonard has penned 44 novels , 21 of which have been adapted into feature films . He 's a master of dialogue , a fact he 's very proud of . Watch Jackie Brown ( Quentin Tarantino 's superb adaption of Leonard 's Rum Punch novel ) or Out of Sight ( featuring one of George Clooney 's best performances as suave bank robber Jack Foley ) again , because most of the dialogue you hear is lifted directly from Leonard 's pages . He molds his characters carefully , giving them a life and a soul . He is , in short , a master of his craft . He thinks hard about what he says and reveals only what he wants to and little more , but he 's also witty and charming . When he does say something amusing , he 'll slightly grin , preferring to drag from a Virginia Slims and move on . He 's an animated conversationalist , gesticulates with his arms to accent , sometimes rising distractedly from his chair to retrieve something from a shelf that 's unrelated to the interview , or leaf through a pile of papers when caught by a thought or idea . His crossed legs often switch sides quickly . In this context his words and body language say that after six decades of writing , he 's lost no passion for his art or desire to work . His most recent novel , Djibouti , was published last fall by HarperCollins . Elmore Leonard : There were other places first . New Orleans , Dallas , Oklahoma City , back to Dallas , Detroit , Memphis , back to Detroit , all before 1934 . My father was with General Motors , and he was with different zonal offices all around the country . Leonard : Sure . I like New Orleans . If it were some place else , like Duluth , Minn . , maybe I wouldn 't feel any kind of kinship with it , but New Orleans is a good town . I 've done a couple of book tours , but I haven 't been back there since Katrina . My cousins live in Bay St . Louis , Mississippi . Their house was swept away , but they built another one on the spot . They love it there . Leonard : There 's a picture of me standing in front of a car in 1933 or ' 34 . The picture was taken in Memphis , and I 'm standing with my mother and my sister , and I 'm at the side of the car but I have my foot on the running board in Bonnie 's kind of pose . She had several poses like that where she 's in front of the car with her foot on the bumper holding a gun . I 'm pointing a pistol at the camera . The influence has to be Bonnie and Clyde , although they weren 't nearly as successful or really adept at robbing banks as their publicity has been blown up to suggest . They didn 't do a lot . They 'd rob little grocery stores and things like that . They were always being chased and they 'd always run into a roadblock . Leonard : I 've been watching the Tigers since my mom and dad used to take me to the games a lot back before the war . I went into the service in ' 43 . I went into the Navy , and then I was sent overseas , South Pacific , and I joined a CB outfit , construction battalion . I did that for about a year or so , and then I came home and got a ship . I went down through the canal to Virginia to decommission the ship . That was it , 30 months . I returned and went to U of D . I had planned to go to Georgetown , but all my friends were going to U of D so I went there . I didn 't know what to take . I majored in English because I liked to read . That was the only reason . Leonard : There was a pitcher in the American League , Hubert " Dutch " Leonard . I forget who he played for [ the Red Sox and the Tigers , in fact ] . When I was in high school , he was still pitching but he was in his 40s . He started as a fastball pitcher but as he got older he was throwing knucklers . I was at high school , second year , and a guy said , " I 'm gonna start calling you Dutch . " It caught on , and it helped because Elmore was a tough one to carry around when I was young . A lot of people would call me Elmer . Leonard : No . I 'm always asked that . Did you learn how to write briefly ? I don 't write briefly . Some of my sentences will go 100 words or more . No , I didn 't learn a thing . Especially writing on the Chevrolet account ; you had to write kinda cute about the car , the station wagon . " You put youngens in the back , " and that kind of thing . I did much better on trucks . Leonard : Yeah , because of the market . The market for Westerns in the ' 50s was terrific . There were a couple of dozen pulp magazines still publishing . The best ones were Dime Western by Popular Publications . I started researching the West . Almost all of my stories were set in Arizona in the 1880s . I learned about Apache Indians and got into them . I like them . They were pretty mean . I wrote about 30 short stories in the ' 50s and five books . Two stories were bought for movies . I wrote eight Western novels altogether . I like Westerns . I may even write another one . I don 't know if there 's a market , but there 's a movie out right now , the Coen brothers remake of True Grit . I started to watch it last night but fell asleep . I can always write another Western . Leonard : Definitely . Especially after The Detroit News asked me if I 'd do a piece on the homicide division , Squad Seven . I went down and spent three weeks with them . They would call me when they had a homicide . I would meet them at the scene and watch them investigate . Back to the police headquarters on Beaubien , I would watch them interrogate witnesses and suspects . That was fun . I 'd sit in when a guy finally gives up and is confessing , making his statement . Leonard : I 'm here because this is where I live . There 's no reason to move . I thought about going to San Francisco in the ' 70s , but then I realized that I 'd have to learn all the streets , how to get around and all that . It wasn 't worth it . I certainly wouldn 't live in LA . The traffic is terrible . I was there in ' 69 when there were a lot of hippies . You could smell the marijuana on the street . It was crowded . Sunset was packed with people , and that was fun . Seven hundred thousand people shipped out of Detroit when they built the freeways . That was it . Everybody left , and Detroit went from nearly 2 million to where it is now [ 714 , 000 in the Census announced last week ] . Everybody is still around , they 're just out [ in the suburbs ] somewhere . There was the problem with the auto industry , but that 's coming back . There are so many pieces written about Detroit , about how barren it is now with all these empty lots all over the place . The people are still here , they 're just out of the city limits . It 's gonna come back . It 's got to . This is a big , exciting town . We 've got the four sports teams here ; we 've got a great art museum . We 've got enough activity here . It 's got to come back . Leonard : Oh , yeah . When I was researching with the cops , this is what I ran into following them around . This is what was going on . In the mid - ' 70s , there were more than 700 homicides in the city . Now it 's down to 400 , which is a lot but still . . . That 's probably because of the decline in population . Leonard : I saw the first one . They 're having trouble , I understand . I don 't know why they called it 1 - 8 - 7 . I was not familiar with that term , what it meant , and I still don 't remember what it means . I went down to their headquarters and I met a lot of the people including the head writer . When I was ready to leave , he said , " I 'm gonna have to start reading your work . " They should have already started reading my work . It 's accurate . It 's what it is . I don 't know why they didn 't read it . Leonard : I know about them . I 've only seen them on television . I haven 't seen them live . I know one of the guys , Johnny Evans . He would play in the bookstore in Birmingham , when they 'd have poetry readings . He 'd play his sax in the background , which was really weird . Leonard : To be authentic with dialogue , definitely . It 's always written from the point of view . Scenes are always from someone 's point of view , not mine . When you 're looking at the scene as a character sees it , it might become ungrammatical . What did I say in my Ten Rules of Writing ? When proper usage gets in the way , it may have to go . Leonard : There aren 't any secrets . I wrote them 10 years ago in Denver when I was the guest of honor at a writer 's conference . In my hotel room , I wrote the 10 rules . That afternoon , I recited them . I came down off the stage with two sheets of paper in my hand . A guy came over and said ' Can I have those ? ' So I gave him the rules . A couple of years later , The New York Times asked me to write a column so I did the rules again . Less than a year after that , we had the rules published . They were printed in China . Ten rules , but a 90 - page book . One line per page . It 's thick and it 's hard to open because of the heavy paper . I don 't know why they did that . Leonard : I don 't map out a plot . That 's why I had a little trouble with Djibouti . The way I saw it , they will go out on this little 30 - foot boat and start shooting . They 'd finally meet some pirates and there 'd be shooting and so on . But , I didn 't want to write it as it happens . So they go out , and then the next chapter , 29 days later , she 's back in the hotel looking at footage of Djibouti . Then you can get hold of the whole thing at once as a story . One thing leading to another . The characters that they meet in Djibouti , introduce them and so on . It was around Page 120 when I realized I had to get more of a story in there . It was the same old thing . They were talking to pirates that they liked and were successful , driving around in a Mercedes in town . Then I brought in al - Qaeda . I also brought in an American criminal who had served several years before he goes over , James Russell . Leonard : Yeah , I have a lot of fun writing full stop . All my scenes are realistic . Stories set in Detroit are as realistic as I can get them . I try to be very accurate with the attitude of the cops , especially homicide cops . The ones that I 've met have a good , dry sense of humor . They 're having a good time too . Leonard : Twenty years ago , someone criticized my women - that they were more in the order of women in Mickey Spillane novels , just there because they 're women . I resented that , but I 've tried to concentrate more on my female characters and make sure I 'm bringing them to life . In Killshot , the husband is an iron worker . He 's a very macho guy . Has a drink before he goes up on the iron and walks the narrow strip of metal . I thought , he 's gonna be the main character . In the opening of that book , we meet his wife and see the two of them together . I thought , he 's not the main character , she is . That 's the way it turned out . Leonard : George Clooney liked Out of Sight very much , so I thought I 'd give him another one . But he still hasn 't read it , and he decided that he doesn 't want to be another bank robber , so I 'll have to find somebody else . I thought George was great as Foley . Leonard : Well , it has been in a lot of cases , but some good movies were made - Out of Sight , Jackie Brown and Get Shorty . Those were good pictures and they stayed fairly close to the books . They picked up as much dialogue as they could , and I was very happy with them . Leonard : The Big Bounce was made twice . The first time , I said , this has got to be the second - worst movie ever made . Ryan O ' Neal and Leigh Taylor - Young starred . Then it was made again , and now I know what the worst movie made is . They didn 't know what they were doing . They were in Hawaii shooting it , and mine takes place at the top of the thumb in Michigan . I 'm always excited to watch the latest one , wondering if I 'm going to recognize it or not . I have liked the three most recent ones . Be Cool was not good . The director [ George Armitage ] , he said , " Do you have any advice for me ? " I said , I 'll tell you the same thing I told Barry Sonnenfeld when he did Get Shorty . I said , when someone delivers a funny line , don 't cut away to get any laughs or grins . These people are all serious . Well , the second Travolta movie , he ignored that completely and they all just yack - yacked it up . I thought it was terrible . Leonard : I stopped in ' 93 . I did one for Billy Friedkin at Paramount . I finally admitted that I didn 't have any fun writing screenplays . Normally it was from a book that I 'd already written . My energy went into that . Now I 'm sitting here trying to work up a little more interest in the project . That 's hard to do . The studio guys always have ideas . What about this , what about that ? Backstory - they love backstory . Well , we don 't know what she 's all about . I say , yes you do . You know all that you need to know about her . You don 't have to know when she went to school or if she was married before , any of that . I walked in one time and the guy who was the head of the studio said , " All you did was turn the book into the screenplay . " I said , " Yes , that 's right . " He said , " We wanted to see some new stuff . " So why did they buy the book ? Leonard : I was happy with Mr . Majestyk , very happy , because it 's still paying residuals and I wrote it in ' 75 . I might get a check tomorrow . You never know what the sale was , but one - quarter of the gross of the sale is what the writer gets . I did that one for Walter Mirisch [ the producer ] . He and I are good friends . He 's got five or more Oscars , behind his desk on a table . He 's a good guy . He calls about every two weeks and wonders what I 'm doing . I always send him a manuscript . He hasn 't made anything in years . Leonard : They didn 't get her . They tried different personalities , and they didn 't catch it . They didn 't find that one that really worked . Finally , they gave up . Jennifer Lopez got it right away . Leonard : That was kind of him . I haven 't read that much of him . I 've read maybe a half - dozen of his books . How many has he written ? A hundred or so ? He 's written far more than I have . He does it so quickly . Does he rewrite ? I 'm rewriting all the time . It takes me about three pages longhand to get one that I like . Then I type it . I 've been doing it like that ever since the beginning . I started with a Royal portable typewriter , and all I was doing was X - ing out lines . I thought , I 'm wasting all my time . I should just write it out and if I don 't like it , cross it out and keep going . That 's finally what I did and what I 'm doing now after 60 years . I don 't use a computer . My researcher has all the equipment . All the electronic stuff . I call him up and ask him a question , and he tells me immediately the answer . I 'd be looking around and trying to read the screen . I 'm going to have to learn , a little bit . But there are so many people who have never used a typewriter . I 've had this one now for about 20 years . I was reluctant . I used to have a regular old stand up one . This one , you plug it in . I was afraid it would be too sensitive . That 's why I put it off for so long . I 'd hit the wrong key and there it would be . I worry about dumb things like that , until finally I got the typewriter . Now , it 's hard to get ribbons . A lot of good writers still use typewriters .
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Well . . not me . There was a heavy thunderstorm 2 Saturdays ago in my neighbourhood and one particular strike of lightning was followed by an almost deafening roar of thunder . I was taking a nap and the first thing that crossed my mind is thanks God I turned off the computer and its power disconnected . So I continued my sleep . I only found out later in the evening that a house in the neighbourhood was struck and its roofs damaged . I would have take a photo but it was already dark . The next morning was greeted by another discovery as I tried unsuccessfully to go online . There was no light on my modem . A quick check revealed that the DSL filter was exposed and when I found the cover , it was immediately obvious why . Apparently , the phone line was struck too and the overload of power is so great that the line burst and blew open the cover . The line connected to the modem is also burnt off so my modem is damaged now . I must have replaced the modem less than a year ago , the last which was also damaged by lightning . I never learnt my lesson . Better get the modem replaced ASAP , with a lightning protector of course , or my only way to go online would be the cybercafe . I was in Port Dickson today . Unfortunately , it was for work and not play . I am not sure what was the reason but the tide seems higher than usual and the sea blue - er . Even on non - resort beach , where the water tend to be a little brownish to the eyes , the water is blue today . I am talking about the blue we normally only see on postcard , the shade of the deep blue sea . Too bad , I didn 't have my camera with me . . I stepped into the cinema hall knowing nothing more than Takeshi Kaneshiro played the role of Death in this movie . The movie opened with Kaneshiro attending a church funeral . He sat himself next to a cute little girl who immediately recognised that he is a shinigami , often refered to as the God of Death or in this case , the Grimm Reaper . When asked about a shinigami 's role , Kaneshiro gently explained that a shinigami appears to people about to face an unexpected death . After determining if that person has fulfilled his purpose on earth , the shinigami will choose to either proceed with his death or suspend it . However , a shinigami will only attend a child 's funeral as a courtesy since most children are usually not aware of what is really happening . Thus revealed , not really unexpectedly , that the little girl speaking to Kaneshiro is the deceased everyone in the church is mourning . And with that introduction , the movie begins the first of three stories that make up the film . Kaneshiro 's character uses the name " Chiba " when he is on the field . He would usually makes contact and interview " prospects " on their opinion on death and determine himself if the person has yet a purpose to be served by continuing living . Even though his dog companion revealed that Chiba usually choose to proceed , he tends to hold his decision till the last day , which was fortunate for one prospect , whose new purpose in lives was revealed only on the day she was meant to die . Unsurprisingly , all three stories are connected to each other but it was done in quite an unspectacular way . With a title like " Accuracy of Death " , I was actually expecting a slow but highly thought provoking notion on why death is necessary and important to the point that it can affect the course of history . The movie was slow but it was hardly thought provoking . In fact , the charm of the movie lies in its humour . The bulk of the humour however , lies in Chiba 's taking in the literal meaning of the words people said , being totally clueless about the slang we used . This inciPosted by I am no genius but I kinda liked Mathematics . So when a movie comes out that centres on using Mathematics skills to win in Black Jack , I don 't even bother who will be in it . I am just going to watch it . Ben Campbell ( Jim Sturgess ) is a Maths genius hoping to secure a scholarship to Harward Medical School as his USD8 perhour part time job simply isn 't enough to pay for that education . That amount however , is still higher than what an average Malaysian is making on a full - time basis but enough about our country 's economy . As with all the geniuses depicted in any movie , Campbell doesn 't has many friends , often only hanging out with two other people who though are pretty smart , are only half his genius and 1 / 3 his good look . These two friends and Campbell 's mother are the only people present to celebrate his very tame 21st birthday . The birthday scene was a crucial one as they used the Fibonacci code to depicted the number 21 on the cake so audiences can see what geeky maths geniuses they are . That was when I realised this is going to be a mediocre movie . Campbell 's lives started to changed when he impressed his non - linear equation professor by explaining how eliminating a wrong option from a choice of three actually increased the probability of one of the remaining two to 66 . 66 % being the correct option instead of just 50 % . That is called variable changes . I didn 't get that either . As it turned out , Professor Micky Rosa ( Kevin Spacey ) is looking exactly for someone of his genius as he is leading a team of clever students to win big money in Las Vegas via card counting . He was looking for a replacement for a key member who left the team for a job in Google , which is really funny if you received an email showing the office in Google . Everyone wants to work for them now . Back to the story , honest Campbell does not wish to get involved but when his mother gave her hard - earned life saving to help pay for his Harvard education , he decided that Vegas is the only way to go . Campbell joined the team , which coincidently includePosted by Well , I watched Babylon AD too . Given the critical review it received , I wouldnn 't exactly say it sucks . Vin Diesel is Toorop , a mercenary tasked with bringing a special and mysterious girl from a convent to the US of A . Come to think of it , I have no idea where on earth he was at the beginning of the movie . The girl in question is Aurora ( Melanie Thierry ) and her constant companion Sister Rebeka ( Michelle Yeoh ) . Aurora appeared to be very knowledgeable on many subject common and uncommon . She even knows how to operate a 30 years old submarine but she is also irritatingly emphathetic to the suffering of others . Other than that , put her in a singlet and a pair of shorts , let loose her hair and she is still pretty hot . It became clear very soon that more than one faction wanted and needed her so Toorop 's job isn 't somuch of getting her to US safely than ensuring that she doesn 't falls into the hand of the other faction . The question is who Aurora really is and why is she so important to so many people ? Compared to Death Race which I watched a week earlier , Babylon AD is more properly produced and tastefully directed but it still suffered from the things that don 't make sense plaguing the movie . The movie started right with the introduction of Toorop , his character and what he stands for . We were treated to a mildly exciting journey they made as Toorop tried to smuggle Aurora and Rebeka to the US . Along the way , the movie created the mystery of Aurora real identity . But after creating the stage for what could be of biblical proportion , audiences were left with the tacky revelation of science experiment gone wrong ( gone right ? ) . And if Aurora is so important to everyone alive , then what exactly is Toorop fighting for ? As an action movie , it isn 't so bad but ultimately has nothing fresh to offer . As a science fiction , its element is too weak and too brief . As a biblical fantasy , the mystery it successfully created in the beginning was ravaged by its sudden transition into science fiction toward the end of the movie . In the Posted by I was planning to watch Babylon AD when Duncan told me Babylon sucked , watch Death Race instead . OK . . . I know Jason Statham was in it and though I thought he looked the part of a tough guy , I was never really a fan . Beside , the title and poster looked really cheesy and I expected the movie to be the same . But I watched it anyway . Death Race is a very old school type of movie with an unlikely concept , a simple story and a small little twist to the plot . Done right , it can still be entertaining , provided one is willing to overlook all the holes that filled the entire movie . Holes that simply doesn 't make sense . It doesn 't make sense that corporation can and would take over operation of correctional facility ( they don 't call it prison anymore ) . It doesn 't make sense that said corporation has authority to grant release order to its prisoners . And it sure as hell doesn 't make sense that in times of economic turmoil , so many people can actually afford paying to watch Death Race . Still , I can see why such movie appealed to my buddy . Death Race is a sport broadcasted by aforementioned corporation from one of the prison it controls . Participated by its prisoners , the race promised anyone who wins the race 5 times release and freedom . But this isn 't just a simple race to the finish line . Each car is heavily fortified and even more heavily armed . Driving over a lighted icon of sword or shield placed along the track will activate either the offensive or defensive system of the car . And it 's not exactly a good idea to take the lead right from the start as that would means others can fire at you while you cannot fire at them . You don 't just lost a race , you can literally die in one . Wow ! The whole idea is just like one big video game . In the middle of round 2 , the warden even introduced a new secret weapon called the Dreadnaught , presumably meaning " Dreadful Juggernaut " . As the name might suggests , it is a super heavy vehicle that is both destructive and near indestructible . Question . If the Death Race show is as popular as implied in tPosted by " Be careful what you wish forCos you just might get it all . . . And then some you don 't want . . . " Sung the bridge of Chris Daughtry 's Home . Not for the first timeduring my blogging existence that I thought I got to write something other than movie review . And so something did happened on the first Wednesday of September . Something for me to write about . I was robbed . OK , technically , I was mugged but it lacks the dramatic effect of robbed . A bike pulled up right in front of me just as I was approaching the junction to the outdoor parking lot , its rider asking for my IC . Not looking the slightest like a police officer , I demanded for his identification . That was when he unzipped his jacket to revealed a machete hidden within and I know I was being mugged . I remembered being very angry . This is my hard earned money and now I have to give it away to someone who did nothing more than hides a weapon in his jacket ? My immediate thought was to fight and take him down but a quick scan of the area suggested that there will be noone around to help me if I am unable to overpower him . So I co - operated and handed him my wallet . Even as he was taking the cash , I was grumbling aloud about how unfair this is . When he asked for my phone , I handed it to him too and demanded he return the SIM card but he wasn 't interested in my old model . Suddenly , I was glad I never got around to replacing it . He asked for my other phone too , the bulge being rather obvious in my pocket but I just told him off , saying that was a company phone that I cannot give away . He didn 't insist but instead , turned around to made his escape . Huh ? What a wimp ! I could have take this guy ! ! Part of me regretted that I was in no shape to fight back but another assured me that I did the smart thing . That 's it until I realised that I was so absorbed in the thought of beating him up that I forgotten the time tested and proven art of self defense . Run ! The street wasn 't that busy . All I needed to do was run across quickly and I would reached the commercial building I came out fromPosted by Am I a big fan of Star Wars ? Not exactly . Do I like Star Wars ? I guess I do to a certain extend . Having said that , I sure wouldn 't mind getting Stormtrooper action figures for my birthday in October . Ahem . I always liked the Troopers figure because they looked like they are right out of the movie . Unlike the human figure , which likeliness is more difficult to capture . Anyway , I just saw Star Wars - The Clone War , which was supposedly a missing episode between Part II Attack of the Clones ( goodness , what a very lame name ) and Part III Revenge of the Sith . Actually , I understand the transition just fine without having to watch this latest installment but I guess I just want to . In a nutshell , the Galactic Republic with the help of the Jedi are in a war with the Separatist led by Count Dooku . The Separatists fought with their AI driven droids while the Republic have in their disposal the clone soldier , which , having a brain is is a more inteligent fighter . In the word from the movie , the war has kept the Jedi busy fighting the war with noone keeping the peace . But when crime lord Jabba the Hutt 's son was kidnapped ( since when he has one ? ) , the Republic tried to win his favour by rescueing him . An endeavor that the Count would stop at nothing to sabotage . The story was predictable and boring . The AI of the droids have to be seen to be believed . So they are not as intelligent as a live soldier but do they have to be portrayed as downright stupid ? That was what they were in the movie . Very very stupid goons which are more funny than deadly . Basically there wasn 't much of any developement going on here , characters or plot wise , just a bunch of things happening . The film is ultimately an action film but even that wasn 't very exciting . The light sabre duel , all of them , are hardly inspired . The duels in the original trilogy were very suspenseful while the later prequel presented a very martial art oriented chereography . In The Clone Wars , it 's just a bunch of people swinging their lightsabre and pushing things away with the Posted by In a documentary I saw a long time ago , a simple experiment was carried out where scientists observed the growth of bacteria in a petri dish . Yet , despite the condusive environment created for them , their growth stopped even before the air and nutrients and whatever provided to them is used up . This is because they already created much wastes in the environment that it has became inhabitable . That , ladies and gentlemen , is what will happen to earth in the future when humans have created so much wastes on the planet that it can no longer support lives . And that is the world Wall - E lived in . The humans has moved out of earth into space , leaving only a troop of automated robots to clean up the mess for their eventual return . In the biginning of the movie , all these Wall - E has already broken down , leaving only a single unit to complete the task . There was already towers and towers of compacted trash but little Wall - E still has a long way to go . Fortunately , his solitude hasn 't yet bore him to death ( or total breakdown ) yet as he has a good and loyal friend in the form of a cockroach . Beside that , Wall - E also developed a hobby of collecting special items from the mountains of trash that surrounded him . It is also from here that he keeps himself going as he salvaged parts from broken down units of Wall - E . Come to think of it , that is probably how his hobby got started and how his personality grows . Anyhow , anyone noticed the resemblance to Stephen Chow 's recent " CJ7 " ? Wasn 't there also a cute little hero there who can fix stuffs and a man who collected " treasures " from the junkyard ? Or am I thinking too much ? Anyway , if anyone noticed I was refering Wall - E in a masculine term , that is because this is a love story . After 700 years of doing what he was built for , a space ship from Axiom , a huge mothership city where the humans now lives , arrived on earth to dispatched a probe to determine earth ability to support lives . This probe , named Eve was obviously a female , although I don 't understand the reason of assigning gender to Posted by Last Tuesday my car broke down in , of all place , the stretch of road between Kuala Pilah and Batu Kikir ? Where , you asked ? Exactly . That was an outskirt area so I don 't blame you if you don 't know . Fortunately for me , the OTC rep of my company was just coming back from Bahau ( where ? - exactly ) and she spotted me . After getting a towtruck to get my car to the nearest workshop , Vikki gave me a lift home . Thanks Vikki . Today , as I was preparing to go home , after seeing my last client for the day at , oh , about 7 . 00pm then ( in case management is reading this ) , I discovered I have a flat . I used my last spare and have not replace it yet . There is a tyre shop just a block away so I slowly made my way there just to discovered it 's closed . I talked to two malay chaps there if they know any tyre workshop nearby . One called his friend whom he claim is a mechanic , who agreed to come over . I thought immediately , this is gonna cost me . They are bound to take advantage in that kind of situation . That young man arrived , took a look , confirmed I do not have a good spare and . . . . offered his spare to me at no cost . He said I can get mine tyre replaced tomorrow and look him up to return it . No cost . Then , he proceeded to helped me changed that tyre . OK . . that was not what I was expecting . Awfully generous of this guy , especially since I don 't even know him . Guess I should at least buy him lunch but the question is this : Am I unlucky to have meet with these two unfortunate events barely within a week or am I exceedingly lucky that in both situation , I found someone to lent me a helping hand ? Have I done anything to deserved that ? Um . . I do take time to help people sometimes . including strangers as long as it didn 't cost me too much time or money or as long as I don 't suspect they are taking me for a ride . I have not , however , went to the extend of offering my spare tyre to a total stranger . So was it the collective good deeds I did that I am receiving them now ? It is nice to know there is still goods in the world and that one good deed wPosted by It seems not many people were aware that the movie Wanted was actually based on a comic book . The concept for the book was that there were really super powered beings n the world and what they chose to do with these power was to use these powers for their own benefits . In short , absolute power corrupts absolute . Wesley Gibson was a loser in every sense , until he met a woman named Fox who told him his father was in fact a super assasin with the Fraternity who was just killed not too long ago . Wesley was promptly invited to take over his place . He learnt then that superheroes did exist but were wiped out when every super villains in the world decided to team up . Following that , one of them with reality altering power proceeded to also wiped out from every living memories these heroes . I would have prefer a more grounded story of these supervillains corrupted lifestyle but I thought the addition of the hitory and other alternate universe where those heroes still exist to be far - fetched . What most readers enjoyed most from the book is the extreme attitude . Wesley went from being a loser to smug confidence . He is not afraid to do anything because the Fraternity has his ass covered . Consequences are a thing of the past . Was the movie true to the book ? Well , they have Wesley ( James McAvoy ) the loser and Fox ( Angelina Jolie ) the hottie . They have the Ikea table and Wesley 's girlfriend having an affair on it . They have the shoot the wings off the flying flies test and they have the beat the face up training session . Beyond that everything else is different . The comic is about owning superhuman ability and abusing the power to do anything and own everything desired without care of consequences . In the end , though Wesley was the lesser of the evil compared to his enemy , he was still a criminal . And he wins and own everything in the end . The moral of the story was crimes pays . Obviously Hollywood cannot make a movie with that kind of message so they made a few changes . Wesley 's father was a super assasin . Yes , and he has in hiPosted by If not for the tragedy that befell the actor , I would have yelled , " Heath Ledger lives ! " His portrayal as the Batman 's lunatic archnemesis was absolutely captiviting . The director who also brought us the brilliant " The Prestige " returned with his second installment of Batman . Christopher Nolan has chose to named the sequel The Dark Knight , after one of Batman 's more famous moniker . I had always assumed that the Dark Knight was simply a fancy name , since the Batman is a hero who wages war against crime and he usually operates in the dark of the night . The movie revealed a greater significance behind that name . Post the first film , Batman Begins , our hero continued his war on crime . Two new and important characters entered Gotham City . First is a lunatic criminal in clown make up with a dangerous trait . The Joker has absolutely no fear of consequences . The second is Gotham new hero , a righteous and charming man who is also the District Attorney . Harvey Dent is determined to bring the city criminals to justice legally and was later refered to at the end of the movie as The White Knight . Ah . . . see the contrasting connection now to the Batman 's Dark Knight ? Ledger 's Joker may not dominate the film but he certainly steals the limelight . This Joker is not like the Joker in the comic book , whose fall into some chemical substance distorted his face into a permanent smiling facade . This Joker is just a man , though a mad one at that , who painted his face white , with a permanent smile painted on his face in red . This Joker is more gritty , and almost real . This Joker , in my opinion is the star of the show . Correct me if I am wrong but I believe he has even more screen time than Batman himself , didn 't he ? The strength was in his personality and Ledger performance is Oscar worthy . While Bale is great as Batman , he is more often than not behind a mask and I don 't quite fancy the growling voice he used as Batman . Only time I saw a stellar performance behind a mask is Edward Norton 's portrayal of King Baldwin in Kingdom of Heaven . The cPosted by TODAY I visited NZX Commercial Centre for the first time . It was nice but not yet very exciting . When the Street in The Curve just started , the place was still quite empty but I could see that it will grow very quickly and I was right . Too bad I can 't say the same for NZX . It has potential but I think it will take a bit longer than The Curve before it really prosper . TODAY for dinner , I had Big Apple Donuts . Shared the doughnuts with my sister with each of us having half a piece , starting with , Mango Tango , which is sweet but really , I can 't taste the mango at all . The doughnut itself was pretty normal , unlike the first time I sinked my teeth into Dunkin Donut which was really fresh and soft yet bouncy . That was then , now there is nothing special about Dunkin either . Iceberg , which has very nice white sugary powder on top , which I think is glucose powder . The filling is supposed to be vanilla and again , I could not taste that . Almond , which nickname I forgot but it has almond taste since it contain real pieces of almonds . Pink Panther which is sweet and actually has a very strong strawberry flavour but unfortunately it also tasted very artificial . Alien , which is basically chocolate topped and chocolate filled . Quite Ok but it would be cool if the doughnut has some small cavites on top for the filling to oozes out as we bite on it . Hey , they called it Alien after all . Chocoholic , which is also chocolate topped and chocolate filled . What I enjoyed the most was actually those white sugar ontop the Iceberg . Everything is so sweet they can 't be healthy for you . And to think I declared to Sylviena that the next time she sees me , I would have lost my tummy . Tough . TODAY I attempted unsuccessfully to finish a comprehensive full review of The Dark Knight which I hoped to watch again this Wednesday but even though I logged in at only 2 minutes past midnight , the tickets are all already fully booked . TODAY , NTV7 screwed up its schedule AGAIN and I never found out if they screened The Celebrity Apprentice earlier than planned , latPosted by I am absolutely speechless and I meant it quite literally . When the credit for the new Batman movie , The Dark Knight rolled out , I could only go wow , then I go wow again . I must have gone wow close to 10 times but I just don 't know what to say . The movie has everything - action , science fiction , romance , tragedy etc . Director Christopher Nolan is the William Shakespeare of our times . Never before have I had such high expectation of the movie and still have that expectation surpassed by such great margin . A definite 5 - stars rating and a full review soon . I actually wrote about the Beauty and the Beast Broadway Musical I just watched last week but misplaced the draft . I am too lazy to rewrite that now so I am just gonna wait and see if the draft will magically reappear . For now , I am just gonna write a review on Hancock , currently the last movie I saw . And I realised of late , I was giving away too much of the storyline in my review . I have been an avid movie - goer for a long time and of all people , I should know what may be revealed and what may not . It wasn 't always like this though as I remembered vividly how I struggle from revealing the shocking ending when I wrote the review for The Prestige . So here goes . Will Smith is John Hancock , the world 's only superhero who has chosen Los Angeles as his base of operation . Despite his role in fighting crime , he wasn 't appreciated as he tended to be reckless with his power , causing maximum collateral damages everytime he made an appearance . That is until he saved the life of an image consultant who takes on trying to change his image . It wasn 't a business decision . Jason Bateman 's Ray Embrey is a really nice and honest guy who truly believe Hancock deserved better . There was 2 trailers out for this movie . While the first one indicated an all out comedy , the second was more dramatic . I thought it was so funny when a new proper Hancock asked permission to touch a woman so he could save her . And deflecting a missile aimed at you with a wave of your hand is just so cool . It was this second trailer that got me to watch the movie . The movie itself however , failed to live up to the expectation created by the trailer . Though the characters in the movie - Hancock by Smith , Ray by Bateman and Mary by Theron ( well , I don 't think I can not like any character played by Charlize Theron anyway ) are all quite likable , the story turned out to be uninspired and predictable . And like I mentioned in The Hulk , I take my fight scene very seriously and there is noone in the movie to really give Hancock a hard time . Sure he lost some of his power nPosted by It was the first time I went sailing . I am talking about really sailing here . Sailing with the power of the wind to move the boat , without a motor to runs it . Of course I was planning to blog about it . Unfortunately , Jaclyn 's camera broke down and I was unable to get the pictures to go along with the story . Well , she finally got the pictures out thanks to EJ card 's reader . When Jaclyn 's granduncle insisted to take her sailing , Jaclyn turned to her group of friends for companionship . Fortunately for me , she didn 't forget about me . Unfortunately for her , I was the only one interested . It was a Sunday morning after all . Noone is willing to wake up early for anything on a Sunday morning . It was the 9th of March 2008 , a day after Duncan 's birthday ( as well as Samyvellu 's ) and one day after the national general election . Many people have chose to stay home that fateful day out of paranoia of possible post - election riot . Way I see it though , there is no place safer that day than in the middle of the sea . Me at the Sailing Club in Port Klang . This is Jaclyn . Notice how I shifted the angle a little to minimise the glare . Brilliant photography ? Not really cos I should have just turn on the flash . LOL . Unfortunately , her granduncle ( GU ) was away to prepare the boat so there wasn 't anyone there to hold the camera for us . He also managed to contacted another of his friend to joined us . GU was briefing us on the trip even before we arrive . At all times , we must ensure we have one hand on the boat . Each of us must remain in our position no matter what . We are not to try anythingwe have not been taught or briefed on before . Erm . . actually , I can 't remember all of them now . The mast of our boat and also my favourite photo of the day . This shows our bearing of the direction the boat is moving . The helm , or the big steering wheel . Learning some basics before the journey begins . Einstein 's Theory of Relativity - Am I tall or is GU short ? Aye aye Captain ! All ready to set out . We started out by engine but by the time we reached windy waterPosted by There was two reasons I wanted to watch the new Hulk movie . The first was because Edward Norton is Bruce Banner and I thought that casting was sheer genius . Why didn 't I thought of that ? The second was the scene in the trailer where Bruce Banner actually stepped out of a flying helicopter , with the intentionof bringing out the Hulk in him through sheer extreme agitation , since he recently just managed to suppressed the Hulk . Damn . That was taken straight out from the Ultimate version of the Hulk . In the comic , Banner had successfully suppressed the transformation into the Hulk through medical science . But when the military needed the Hulk to fight an unstopable enemy , they didn 't think twice to just push Banner off the helicopter . The panic , fear and madness felt by Banner as he plummeted to the ground from so high up in the air was enough to turned him into the Hulk again just moment before he crashed with a loud thud . Brilliant . Only from the wildly creative mind of scribe Mark Millar . Back to the movie . It opened with a quick introduction to the origin of the Hulk . In an experiment on radiation imunity went wrong , Banner became the Hulk , destroyed the lab and injured his lab partner and love interest Betty Ross . Also in the openning sequences are flashes of documents addressed to Stark Enterprise and Nick Fury from SHIELD , each making reference to famous characters in the Marvel Universe . So when the story takes us to the present , where Banner is in hiding in Brazil while looking for a cure with the help of a mysteriuos Mr Blue , I can 't help but wondered if that was Dr Reed Richards aka Mr Fantastic himself from Fantastic Four . He turned out to be a Dr Samuel Stern , whom Banner must return to meet back in the States if he is to have any chance of ever suppressing the Hulk . But even before that trip , the military already located his whereabouts and a band of highly trained soldiers , together with mercenary Emil Bronski was dispatched to capture him alive . Of course the Hulk came out and they didn 't stand a chancePosted by With the recent price increase on petrol , I was expecting comments aplenty on this subject . I have my two - sen worth and would have told my story that night itself if I wasn 't feeling so sad then . Why was I sad ? When a day comes when I can finally laugh about it , perhaps then , I will write about it . On 4th June 2008 , the government suddenly announced the price hike of petrol from RM 1 . 92 to RM 2 . 70 per litre - a whopping 40 plus percent increase . This , coming not too long after an announcement by the same government that the petrol 's price is only expected to rise in August . LIARS ! As was the case everytime such an increase was brought on , the people of Malaysia rushed to the nearest petrol station to " enjoy " one last bite of the old price . It must be almost six in the evening when I pulled up into a petrol station in the Seremban R & R , and I have not heard yet . I usually fill up my tank in the morning before I head for the office but on that day , I thought maybe it will not be such a bad idea to fill up there and then , considering that it hasn 't been a terribly hot day . I ended up with just buying a drink as I was very thirsty . About 5 minutes after I left the station , Roy sms - ed me informing me of the price increase effective from midnight . I just left a station and it was not packed , so I thought he must have mistaken . After all , I have my own inside source on this matter and Duncan has not informed me about it . I made a stop in Kajang to helped Silas and Rachel buy an ear thermometer and decided to eat there too when Wendy called me , reminding me to fill up . OK . . maybe Roy hasn 't mistaken , he was a bright chap right ? I sms - ed Duncan to confirm and he informed me he knew about it an hour ago . What ? And he never thought to tell me ? Some friend . So much for my inside source . As I drive out from Kajang , it took me more than 20 minutes to just turned around the bend of a shop block . It was the first time I was there at such an hour so I didn 't suspect a thing , thinking it must be always like that in there . But no . . thPosted by " If you really love something , set it free . If it comes back to you , it 's yours . If it didn 't , it was never meant to be . " A newspaper 's review of the movie reminded me to forget about logic as I watch this . With most of the recent films attempting to be as real as possible , even as they tackle out of the world concept , I must admit I almost forgot about movies that try to be just fun . An Indiana Jones movie has always been about fun and going to watch the latest installment , Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull , I had hope to again capture the feeling and excitement I got from the earlier films . The movie begins with the Russians forcing Indy to help them steal a mysterious item from a US military facility in Area 51 . That location itself is enough to tell us the direction that this movie is heading . Indy escaped but without stopping the Russian from making away with the mysterious cargo . Then a young man appeared , asking Indy to help rescue his kidnaped mother and foster father and the real adventure begins . As with Rocky Balboa , the film did not try to hide the fact that the main character has aged much since the last outing but age hasn 't slowed Indy down much though . Except for the occasion whining about how things used to be easier , he still made some unbelievable escape . He isn 't any clumsier than he used to be but if he can take on a younger Russian commander , I guess he is still pretty strong . Unfortunately , despite all their attempt , I just don 't feel like this is an Indiana Jones movie . The chase scene in the jungle is the only entertaining part of the movie but I keeps thinking Pirates of the Carribean as I watched that . Don 't know why . Some peole may think the man - eating ants are a bit far - fetched but I thought it was totally cool . Hey , it 's an Indiana Jones movie . I will never forget the ' monk ' in Temple of Doom who can retrieve a man 's beating heart right from his chest . Well , that was about it . The rest of the movie was rather dull for this franchise . Even the famous theme music is very much toned down . And after 19 years of choosing the right script , they can 't even get that right . I don 't expect the scripPosted by The reunion on 23th went better than I expected as everyone is enthusiastic to meet up again . While I admittedly wasn 't too optimistic in the beginning , I now begin to wonder if we really can make this a monthly itinenary . Though Thomas could not make it this round , we have Parama and Wei Cheong with us . Being the one who brought everyone back together for the last 2 gatherings , I was appointed the unofficial organiser . On top of that , as we are expecting an even bigger group next time , Duncan also asked me to bring my camera , making me the unofficial photographer as well . On a personal note , it was weird that when I met up with my FedEx friends , the girls only obliged very casually for a photograph while my guy friends in 5SK were so excited about taking photos . Hmm . . Wait a minute , with my work schedule , is it possible for me to carry out my duty as a organiser ? I don 't know but I can 't let my friends down now can I ? We will be meeting again June 20th at the Curve for dinner followed " The Incredible Hulk " movie . Yes , everyone is very tame but we are all also excited about planning a trip soon , perhaps to Bali or Pattaya . Ah . . it 's good to be among old friends again . The cool thing about a hero in armor is the special effect . Obviously , a man in armor is easier to rendered than a man in flesh . We only have to look at Ironman , currently showing in cinema and the upcoming The Incredible Hulk to make a comparison . Shiny metal armor in gold and red - Easy . Facial expression , accurate anatomy and skin complexion - Not so easy . In the same context , it is also easier to translates the characters into action figure , making some really cool merchandises . I would choose the Stormtroopers figures over any of the leading characters in the Starwars saga anytime . Strangely though , I don 't see any Ironman toys offered with any fastfood kiddie meal combo . Let 's make another quick comparison . The original Ironman in the comic book is Tony Stark , genius inventor of his own weapons manufacturing Stark Enterprise . Wounded while he was in Vietnam , he must dons the suit of Ironman which ironically he considered his greatest failure , to continue living . And because the suit has a device that keep his heart beating , he must never remove it . The movie Ironman is still Tony Stark , genius inventor of his own weapons manufacturing Stark Enterprise . Wounded while in Afghanistan , he was fitted with a electromagnet in his chest by the enemies ' doctor , to prevented sharpnels he received in an explosion from slowly reaching his heart and killing him . Unfortunately , this electromagnet is powered by a bulky battery very much like the one that starts our car . He too turned to his greatest failure , a energy generator that was both bulky and cost - inefficient ( since that project was started only as a publicity stunts ) to create a small and powerful generator to power the magnet . Hence taking his first steps to becoming Ironman . Heck . . they have to update the character . The original Ironman used to carry his armors in a briefcase . Would you have believe that ? The villains were updated too . I didn 't read the Ironman comic books but I do know that the Mandarin and Titanium Man count amongt his enemies . In the movie , the MaPosted by It was almost serendipitous . I was out for a yam cha session when I noticed a man literally staring with sinister smile on his face . I was not too pleased with the way he looked at me until I realised he was my friend and former classmate from secondary year . After I recognised him as Thomas , his smile doesn 't seems so sinister after all . I called Duncan and tell him about it and we decided to meet up . Then I called Voon Fatt and surprise surprise . He also just found Ben Mah . Ben 's wife is Voon Fatt 's client and he was just verifying some information when he realise who her husband is . The reunion seems inevitable now . We attempted to get a few more to join us but the notice was admittedly short . Parama was so enthusiastic he forgotten he got an important date that night . Jason was tied up with works , Azrul was in Sarawak and Kam Fatt , I really got to apologise to as I forgot to tell him till the day itself . Needless to say , he can 't make it . From left : Ben Mah , me , Voon Fatt , Thomas with Duncan sitting down . Soo Wei Kang ( standing in middle ) from 5SM also joined us despite not knowing us so well . We had a simple dinner in Restoran Peranakan in 1U . It was a good catch up session with another planned for 23th May probably at Wendy 's in Sunway Pyramid . Ben Mah and Thomas are married , Voon Fatt probably will in the near future . Only Duncan and I are still single . Sigh . Looking at some of my younger friends now , I do get a bit envious . Keeping in touch is not a problem nowaday with their mobile phone and various internet networking site like Friendster and Facebook . We have none of that during our days . I don 't even know how to use a computer then . Was I talking about computer ? Heck , my family don 't even have a telephone . I remembered going to the payphone to call them up but most of them were too excited about their new college ( something my family was too poor to afford for me ) lives to really meet up . In the end , I gradually lost all their numbers . Still , we are beginning to find each others and hopefully , we will noPosted by I walked into the bathroom earlier to find three cockroaches on the wall . Two of them are being naughty . Is this cockroaches sex ? I took out my camera and quickly took a picture . Didn 't bother to get a good shot as I didn 't want to started them . I wasn 't being polite . I just wanted to make sure they are still there when I wrapped up a roll of newspaper and smack them . Talk about lust being one of the seven deadly sins . I only hit one cockroach of that couple but as the other tried to crawl away , it couldn 't , being stuck to the dead one . If it wasn 't mating when I found it , it would still be alive now , being able to scurry away before I make a second smack , then a third . I never did figure out which is the male . I didn 't just killed 3 cockroaches today . I killed a whole future generation . Damn , I hate those things . I have yet wrote the full review on Ironman but I have a far more interesting experience to share than watching a film . On Saturday 3 / 5 / 08 , about a quarter to noon , I arrived at the NTV7 studio to shoot the preliminary round for Deal or No Deal . Yes . . I have been selected as a contestant and making pass this round will bring me the chance to bring home the grand prize of RM 100 , 000 . Naturally , I planned to blog about this but I can 't believe I didn 't bring my camera . Of course there are also certain rules to abide by since I did signed a confidentiality agreement . So I can 't reveal anything on the date or how the shooting was carried out , or who won which preliminary round , or even if I did . Okay . . I will leak out one thing . The questions got a little tougher . So what is there left to write about ? I saw the host Non during the roadshow before but this is the first time I met him face to face . He was actually a very nice and down to earth man . And though I thought he appeared pretty serious onscreen , he can be very laid back offscreen . The crews absolutely love him and they are a happy bunch who laugh all the times even as they work . It 's so goood to be loving your work . One of their faurite joke on Non seems to be on his oily face as they took every available ability to have him check his complexion on the camera , so they can see if he need touch up on his make up . And they will go " Quick , let 's start shooting before the oils come out " . Hilarious . Non was very friendly with absolutely no air , spending most of the times between takes chatting with us . Nice guys . I also almost made many new friends . I said almost because I was talking and laughing with many of them but unfortunately , when the shooting ended , everyone disappeared so quickly I didn 't have a chance to get their numbers . Only Angie and Stephanie were still around taking photos with Non . I took a couple too and gave my email to Angie . Hope she remembers to email them to me . I was in group 7 ( how auspicious ) together with Sam , Alan , Nicholas , Sue and Su Ling . ItPosted by I just got home from Cineleisure from the premiere screening of Ironman in Malaysia . Initial comment is ; yeah , it 's pretty good . Interesting characters , good script , great design and special effect plus they managed to stay true to the original Ironman , albeit very much updated . The movie works , better than expected and I heard Tony Stark will also be making an cameo appearance in the upcoming Incredible Hulk movie . Everything goes as planned then we may even see Ironman vs Hulk in the future . Hmm . . Well , will write a full review soon . Gotta sleep now . I was talking a photo of a mountain . . when suddenly , a dragon appeared . OK . . so it wasn 't really a dragon . Bahau was actually my first " photo expedition " with my new camera . It was a great place for avid photographer , amateur enthusiast included , as it has a park with a pond full of lotuses . Ok . . I actually cheated with this piece . My camera doesn 't have that kind of zoom but it is 8 megapixel , so I conveniently just cropped the original piece . I started the day early , before the fog even settle . I took many photos of the lotus flowers there and these are a selected few . I took this the evening earlier , when the light was low . Coincidentally , I took another at the same spot the next morning when the bud blossomed . This is my favourite piece . And here are some others . . I was not the only one there . Another photographer , in full gear was also taking photos of the flowers . One look at his gear and it was obvious that I got the sleeker machine between the two of us : - ) Then I moved on to other subjects . Some kind of water plant . Close - up and more close - ups . Like I said , sign of an amateur enthusiast - getting up close and personal on anything and everything . Now I really regret not getting a camera with better macro quality . During the day time , I am mild - mannered John Ong , medical representative , film enthusiast and Mr Nice Guy with a benevolent heart . Unknown to many , I am also the Pencilman , aspiring comic artist / writer , unpredictable and bursting with creative energy . The Pencilman Lives . . .
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The water main has frozen at the S turn near Lot 7 . Neighbors are experiencing very low or no water . Malaga Water district has reviewed the situation and believes it will stay frozen until thaw . I was in Arizona at the time , in transit between Wickenburg and Willow Beach on the Colorado River , where I 'd camp for two nights and soak in a wonderful desert hot spring . It was t - shirt weather on a beautiful sunny day . It was the final month of my 2016 / 17 winter snowbirding trip south and I didn 't plan on getting back to my home in Washington for another month . The email message sent me a mixed message : " stay frozen until thaw " sounded like a long - term issue but " water jugs … available to us if needed " sounded like hauling in water might not be needed . I should mention here that this isn 't the first time this has happened . It 's the third . The last time was eight years ago - years before I bought my lot - and the line stayed frozen until March 22 . When it finally defrosted , the water company supposedly put a concrete " blanket " over the pipe and reburied it . They assumed the problem had been solved when it didn 't happen again . This has been an unusually cold winter here in the Pacific Northwest . While it was warmer than average nearly everywhere else in country , the northwestern United States , including all of Washington state , has been colder . There 's also been a ton of snow , some of which remains on my driveway in front of my car garage after having slid off the roof multiple times all winter . More than a few of my friends in the area made a point of telling me that I picked a good winter to go away . ( Little do they realize that I plan on going away most winters . ) A satellite view of my road with the cliff to the south . The originally suspected problem area is in yellow ; the actual problem area is in orange . I live nearly a mile east of this spot . Making the problem worse is that the water line runs under our privately maintained road , which gets zero direct sunlight for months at a time in the winter . Why ? Because it 's on the north side of a nearly sheer 1000 - foot cliff . Because of our northern latitude , the sun doesn 't rise high enough in the sky in the winter to clear the cliff , leaving the road in shadow . I 've observed this phenomena at my own home and blogged about it here . My place , which is farther north of the cliff than the road and many of my neighbors , is in the shadows for just six weeks ; the problem area of the road is in the shadows for more than two months . Time went on . I continued my trip northwest through Death Valley and eventually to the Sacramento area . I flew back to Arizona to fetch my helicopter , which would be on a frost contract in that area for two months . I tried to have fun in " sunny California , " but it seemed to rain more often than not . I got a temporary job helping a friend with his spray operations . But the whole time I was in California , I was feeling homesick and wanted to go home . I checked in with my next door neighbor regularly . The water still wasn 't flowing . She and her family of five were showering at the Y . They made weekly trips to the laundromat . At first , they melted show for toilet water ; now they were hauling it . But by March 12 , I 'd had enough of my extended road trip . I began the drive home , taking a leisurely route up the California coast with the idea of getting in on March 17 . The trip was great - at least the first few days - but then the weather turned nasty . I pointed my rig inland on March 15 and rolled down my driveway the following day . Of course , my camper had water . I also had my four 6 - 1 / 2 gallon water jugs with me . I 'd stopped at the water company office to top everything off . I figured I could always use the camper 's toilet and shower . I hauled water up the stairs in those 6 - 1 / 2 gallon jugs for a few days . During my travels , I 'd rigged up a DC pump with hoses to transfer water from the jugs into my camper without having to lift the jugs ; I now put that to work in my kitchen so I could wash silverware and pots with " running " water . ( I was using paper plates . ) My neighbor , Elizabeth , had a well with a broken pump . She had the pump fixed and invited neighbors to shower at her place . I took her up on that offer . She has a nice shower in her guest bathroom . I also filled water jugs there . My neighbors , Al and Kathy , have a winery ( and a well ) . The previous autumn , I 'd noticed that they had a water hauling tank sitting neglected and unused in their yard near their burn pile . I 'd asked if they were using it and was told they weren 't . I asked about buying it - with the crazy idea of gathering water for irrigation off my huge roof - and they said yes . But I hadn 't done anything about it then . Fortunately , it was still sitting there in March , nestled in the snow . I asked again . The 425 gallon tank had never been used - in fact , it didn 't even have fittings or a valve at the bottom . Other than cobwebs and a bit of organic matter , it was pretty clean . I bought it for $ 100 - what a deal ! I just found the same tank online for $ 332 - and Al and another neighbor , JR , loaded it onto my truck . I used a ratchet tie down to prevent it from sliding out the back . I went on Amazon and spent $ 80 on a Shurflo pressure regulated pump that would automatically shut off when there was no demand for water . The trick was finding one with enough power to get the water up about 15 feet to my second floor living space . And I spent another $ 10 on fittings to attach that to a standard garden hose . And another $ 5 to turn the pump 's loose wires into a plug . My wasband and I used to own an off - the - grid camping cabin on 40 acres of land in northern Arizona . That area is notorious for its low water table and nearly everyone up there hauls their own water - including us . Water could be purchased from a vending machine off the main road between Valle and Williams . You 'd pull your tank up under it , set the hose in the top of the tank , and stick a $ 10 bill into the vending machine . 450 gallons of water would immediately gush out of the hose and into the tank . I remember hauling water once using a neighbor 's tank like the one I have now . The truck would be pretty stable until I hit about 50 miles per hour . At that point , the sloshing would make it difficult to control and I 'd have to slow down . I only did it once or twice - it was a vacation home and we had 2 , 100 gallons of water storage up there - but can 't imagine what it must have been like to do it several times a week for a family . The tank holds more than 400 gallons . It takes a long time to pump 400 gallons from a garden hose . I sat in my truck and read the newspaper . Every once in a while , the truck would creak and shift as the weight of the water settled it lower and lower on its axles . Do the math : 400 gallons x 8 pounds per gallon = 3 , 200 pounds . At about 300 gallons , I got tired of waiting and turned off the water . I put the cap back on the tank and started the drive home . The water sloshed , making the truck feel somewhat unstable . But it was a short drive - only about a mile - and I didn 't go very fast . I backed the truck up on my concrete apron in front of my big garage door . I threw about a half cup of bleach into the tank to prevent algae from growing in it . I noticed a slight leak from the fittings . Not much ; maybe three drips per minute . I tried tightening up the fittings but didn 't see much improvement . I connected a garden hose from the tank and ran it into the garage . Then I connected it to the pump . That 's where I had some difficulty . You see , Shurflo pumps are designed to be used with Shurflo fittings . Although the manual said it should connect to a standard 1 / 2 inch pipe fitting , it didn 't thread exactly right . I had a bitch of a time getting it set up - on both sides of the pump . Eventually , however , I got it connected for inflow and outflow and connected the outflow end to a hose bib in my garage . I call this my Frankenstein monster . Water comes into my home through the black pipe on the right through a valve ( off in this photo ) and then into a number of PEX fittings that bring it down to 3 / 4 inch . From there , it goes up into my home as well as to the right through another valve ( on in this photo ) to my hose bib . My first plumbing job . Hey , it works . This is where things are a little non - standard . Regular readers might recall that I lived in my RV inside the garage for the winter before my living space was done . When I set up the water system in my building , I included a hose fitting with its own valve that I was able to use to feed water to my camper . It can also be used to drain all the water out of my home 's plumbing system . So I was already set up for water input , although I hadn 't ever expected to use the valve this way . I just shut off the water from the street into my building and turned on the valve between my building and the hose attached to the pump . Then I plugged in the pump . It ran . It ran for well over a minute . I was just beginning to wonder whether it would automatically shut off when the system was fully pressurized when it stuttered a few times and went quiet . I came back downstairs to look at the pump . It was leaking at both fittings . I wasn 't surprised . Still , I knew I 'd done the best that I could . ( Later , I 'd order Shurflo fittings and wind up not using them when they arrived . If it ain 't broke … ) Then I turned on the water heater . ( I 'd had a friend turn it off while I was away when I heard there was no water . I was slightly concerned that the water would somehow drain out and burn up my heating element . None of that happened . ) I 'd have my first hot shower at home later in the day . Since then , it 's been pretty much business as usual at my house . I turn on the tap and water comes out . I do laundry and use the dishwasher . I shower and wash up . I am a bit more thoughtful about letting the water run and I admit that I haven 't filled up my 80 - gallon bathtub yet . That first tank of water lasted me nearly a week . Yesterday , I drove out to Elizabeth 's again . While the tank filled with water , I helped her install chicken wire at the top of her chicken coop to prevent birds of prey from getting in or chickens from getting out . This time , I let it the water go almost to the top . It must have taken at least a half hour to fill . Back home , I connected the hose to the tank , turned on the pump again , and was good to go . Is this a hardship ? Not with this solution . Living a week without running water was driving me nuts - and I had to come up with a solution . It 's unfortunate , however , that my truck is tied up with water duty . I need to buy some lumber for a project and will have to drag my old cargo trailer behind my Jeep to get the lumber home . The problem was in the paper about a week ago . The water company says it can 't dig until the water starts flowing again . When they do dig , it 'll be quite a mess since there 's only one way in and out on this road and the pipe runs right down the middle . In the meantime , my neighbors are confident that the problem will be fixed for good . I 'm not that optimistic . But I am prepared for next time . April 2 , 2017 Update : I got a call from a neighbor at 6 : 30 AM . He jubilantly announced that the water was back on . Although I 'm thrilled that our little ordeal is over , I 'm left wondering what I 'm going to do with the 350 gallons of water in the tank on the back of my truck … Congratulations ! You 've made it to the end of yet another lengthy blog post here on An Eclectic Mind . If you got this far , you must have gotten something out of what you read . And isn 't it nice to read Web content that isn 't full of annoying ads ? How about doing something to show your appreciation ? I 'd love it if you 'd add a comment at the end of this post to share your feedback with me and others . But I 'd really love it if you 'd visit my Support page and chip in a few dollars to help cover the cost of hosting this blog and motivate me to keep writing new , interesting content . It 'll only take a moment and I really would appreciate it ! As amazing as this might seem , I 've been thinking a lot about you this winter . It started when I found an old box of rooibos chai tea in my pantry . You might not recall this , but you introduced me to red tea years and years ago at your Howard Mesa home . I bought a box and drank it often at home . Somehow , it got shifted to my RV and brought up to Washington . The box " expired " in 2009 - giving you an idea of just how old it was ! - but the tea still tastes fine . Each time I have a cup of that tea , I think of you . I think of your wonderful little home on the Mesa . The wood burning stove . The views . Your work - in - progress illustrated book about the local plants . The cats . I think of dinners there and the few times you came to our pitiful - but much loved , at least on my part - cabin a few miles away and let us cook for you and Matt . I think of the old days , when things were still good between all of us . I really liked you . I thought you were a good , well - grounded , happy person . I was happy that you 'd become a part of your daughter 's life . You always made me feel welcome at your home . You made me feel like a friend . So imagine my disappointment when I wrote to you in September 2012 to tell you about my ex - husband 's infidelity and warn you that some men , when left alone , will find companionship other than their wives . I never expected you to forward that email to Matt . I never expected it to be forwarded to my estranged husband with the complaint from Matt that I was trying to destroy his marriage . Or , actually , I did . As I was driving away from Howard Mesa that last time in April or May 2013 , I tried to call you on the phone . It rang and rang . I wondered if you knew it was me and were purposely letting it ring . I don 't recall if I left a message . It doesn 't matter . You never called back . I still think you 're a fine person . You have a good heart , you 're smart , you 're attractive , and you 're relatively young . I 'm sure you 'll have no trouble finding a much better replacement for the man you left behind - if you even want one . Maybe you 've already replaced him . No matter what happens to you in this life , please know that I 'll always wish the best for you . Also know that if you ever need someone to talk to , my phone number is the same and I 'll do my best to answer or return calls from you . My door is always open for you , too . If I never hear from you again , that 's fine , too . There 's just one tea bag left in the box . When it 's gone , I won 't be buying another box . The chapter of my life that included you and your rooibos tea will finally be closed for good . February 8 Update : Well , as more facts about your breakup come to light , I now fully understand why you never got in touch with me again . Was it shame ? I doubt it . Women like you don 't feel shame . No matter . I 'm embarrassed to admit how much I misjudged your character . You 're just as low as the demented old whore who snagged my wasband with her sweet - talk , lies , and lingerie photos . As for that invitation to call or stop by - you can just forget about it . And I 'll toss that last tea bag . I 'm eager to close the chapter on you as soon as possible . You may not realize it , but I shot all of the photos that appear in the header on this site . There are currently more than 90 of them and they 're set up to appear randomly . Each time you visit this site or click a link to another page here , the image up top should change . This was shot from a cruise ship on an Alaska Cruise with my wasband in 2007 . Our last day on board took us between Vancouver Island and the mainland . BHCB This image of a ridge and cloud - filled valleys was taken from my helicopter 's nosecam on a flight between Wenatchee , WA and Hillsboro , OR in 2012 . I blogged about the flight here and shared video from the flight here . It 's notable not only for the perfect weather and amazing scenery , but because it was my dog Penny 's first helicopter flight - 90 minutes long ! And yes , that is Mt . St . Helens in the background . I was on my way up to my old Howard Mesa , AZ place one bright winter day when I came upon these cows following tire tracks in the road . When I approached , they just stopped and stared . I took a photo before continuing , herding them along with my Jeep . I can 't be sure of the date , but I expect it was around 2003 or 2004 . I was probably with my friend Jeremy . Attach a GoPro to the bottom of a helicopter with the lens pointing down . Then hover over a golf course green and drop hundreds of golf balls . This is what it might look like . Shot in late 2011 or early 2012 . My client was dropping the balls . I learned how to fly a gyroplane in the spring of 2014 . These two shots were made with a GoPro mounted on the mast . In the first shot , I 'm flying up Cache Creek ; in the second , I 'm doing a traffic pattern at Woodland Airport . Both were shot in Central California . Another trip to the Grand Canyon . I suspect I was alone when I shot this one , possibly on a day trip by helicopter with clients from Phoenix . Sometime between 2009 and 2011 . I 've flown over Monument Valley dozens of times . Once in a while , there 's a camera on the helicopter 's nose . This was probably shot in 2011 . I was either alone or with aerial photo clients . I used to do multi - day excursions by helicopter to Arizona destinations that included Monument Valley . While my clients took tours , I 'd explore on my own . This is Monument Valley from the overlook , shot in 2010 or 2011 . I used to camp out at a friend 's place overlooking Squilchuck Valley near Wenatchee , WA . This was one of the early morning views from my doorstep . I was alone . I shot this in Girdwood , AK in 2008 . I 'd gone up there alone for a job interview . I got an offer but turned it down . Beautiful place . What a memorable flight ! This was on a ferry flight from the Phoenix area to Seattle in 2008 . Another pilot was flying my helicopter so I got to take photos . Low clouds over the coast forced us high over San Fransisco . Amazing views ! This is an aerial shot of the old Grand Canyon Railroad steam train . I used to buzz that train with my helicopter any time I saw it from the air . This was probably shot in 2007 . I was alone . On TwitterMy TweetsSupport this Site ! Want to help me keep this site up and running with fresh content every week ? Show your appreciation one of the following ways :
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I think travelling in Burma is the closest I will ever get to knowing what it 's like to be a celebrity . Everywhere you go , even in the big cities , you 're an attraction . People shout hello , run up to shake your hands and push their kids forward to practise their English with you . And while I know it 's not exactly Heat magazine papping me on my doorstep , I 've never been asked to be in so many photographs in my life . Burmese tourists from other towns who are visiting Bagan or Inle Lake seem to think a photo with the token white person is just as essential as getting a snap of a temple . I just really wish I wasn 't wearing my poo pants in so many of them . . . In contrast to many countries in Asia , it 's actually the older people who have a better grasp of English as a result of the former British rule and they love to pull up a chair in a teashop and ask their favourite question : " Where are you from ? " Saying the UK usually leads seamlessly into a discussion about the Premier League , which they 're all crazy about here . Note to self : learn more footballers ' names . One of my favourite people I have met so far is a teenage boy who , when we told him where we were from , gasped : " Do you have a British accent ? " Not quite sure I 'd adequately be able to explain the differences of a northern accent , I opted for yes . He was then extremely excited to tell me the two ' British ' phrases he knew ( as he explained to me that at school he was taught English with an American accent ) . Now I can only assume they were phrases he 'd picked up from cable tv , although I have no idea what kind of programmes he 'd been watching as the first phrase , said in a kind of weird Cockney accent , was " I love my dogs " and the second one , said in the Queen 's English , was " " I 'm from England " . I then taught him how to say " Would you like a cup of tea ? " in a posh accent ( even though no one ever really says that - I just like to enhance the stereotype ) . But it 's the children who are the funniest . Some of them will sit on buses and gaze open mouthed at you ; while the braver ones will run after you in the street , shouting and showing off to their friends , and they 'll constantly point at your camera and then shriek with laughter when they see the picture of themselves on the screen . " Photo , photo ! " In the south of Burma , which sees fewer tourists in general , we visited a lovely little town called Hpa ' an . As we bumped along in a tuk tuk on a bone - rattling journey which would leave us aching for days , kids came running from their houses and chased us down the road shouting " bye bye " . We became so used to people waving at us that I think it actually went to our heads a bit and at one point we started waving at two little boys who had absolutely no interest in us whatsoever . That 's probably a sign that it 's time to move on , before the attention goes to my head and I start asking to be know as the journalist formerly known as Em . There have been many , many , great moments in Burma . Lots of which I 'm sure I 'll bore you all with when I get home ( feel free to zone out when you hear the words " when I was in Burma . . . " ) But one of my favourite memories is our adventure to the village of Pan Kam , just outside Hsipaw , in the north of the country . The guidebook had advised not doing the trek alone as " nobody speaks English " but as we felt like that 's kind of the point when you 're travelling , Liza , Dave and I decided to give it a go by ourselves . Armed with a map drawn on a computer by our lovely hotel owner 's son ( which included helpful annotations like " don 't go this way , I got lost " ) we were about to head off when she stopped us and insisted that Liza and I needed a hat . I tried to explain to her that I never wear hats ( on account of my pea head ) but maybe pea head doesn 't translate very well as she gave me such a mum look that I just had to agree . Which is why I began our walk with a straw hat , which was weirdly a bit too small for me , perched on top of my head and tied under my chin with a piece of string . Nevertheless we trudged on , much to the amusement of the people in the villages we passed . They came out of their bamboo - made houses to stare at us as we went by , giving us a friendly wave and shouting " mingalaba " ( hello ) . Some of the younger children just gaped at us open mouthed . I seriously hope that , with my red sweaty face and tiny hat balanced on my head , I was not the first white person they had ever seen . The great thing about trekking somewhere like Burma us that none of the paths are marked . So when you arrive at a fork in the road there is absolutely no indication of which route you should take ( and to be honest the map wasn 't that much help ) . This resulted in us having to flag down motorbikes passing by and asking " Pam Kam ? " , while pointing hopefully in what we thought was the vague direction . The locals had a brilliant time laughing at us and nodding encouragingly . At one point a number of them started saying " three " but we weren 't sure whether they meant three miles , 30 minutes ( they sometimes get their tens confused here ) or - worryingly - three hours ! Eventually , just as were were all ready to drop , we arrived at the village . The relief from all three of us was massive . We collapsed in a heap , fully expecting the chief of the village , who we 'd been told speaks good English to come and find us . But when that didn 't happen , we set off to find him . On the way we stopped at a little shop to buy some cans of pop . The woman took them out of a dusty looking cupboard ( no electricity or running water here ) and we all commented on the old fashioned ring pulls . It wasn 't until we 'd drank the contents that I actually looked on the bottom of the can and discovered they were all out of date . . . We began our search again for Omagh , the village chief , and came across two old grannies who probably had about four teeth between them . They were wearing long bright , striped skirts , colourful jackets and headscarves and had clearly been working in the fields as they hands were caked with dirt . We tried to find out from them the whereabouts of their MIA chief but in a mixture of Burmese and sign language they explained that he was working far away and would not be returning that night . Hmm . . . not something we had really planned for . But we need not have worried as the grannies had a plan and kept telling us to follow them and signing that we could stay in their house . By this time we were thoroughly confused . ( Hotels in Burma need government permits to take in foreigners and we weren 't sure how things worked in remote villages . ) We decided to go back to the shop to see if we could find out any more information . However , once there , I confused the situation even more by accidentally inviting myself to stay with them . ( My sign language obviously needs a bit of improving . ) In all fairness to the lovely Burmese couple who ran the store they did actually agree , but luckily for all concerned we were saved by another man who came along and introduced us to a family which actually offered homestays to visitors . The owner instantly plied us with cups of tea and I instantly felt at home . The house was small , but cosy , with all of the cooking done on an open fire in the middle of the room . Our host quickly knocked up a meal of aubergines , vegetables and rice , which they refilled constantly . The rules of the road also appear to be very vague and often even the few red lights which are dotted around are ignored by drivers . In general it seems like the bigger you are the more say you have . So the trishaw drivers give way to motorbikes , which get out of the way of cars , which in turn are beeped by trucks and buses . So the poor pedestrian doesn 't stand a chance . It 's usually a case of stepping out when you see a space and stopping occasionally so that the other lines of traffic can go around you . The funny thing is that , no matte how lovely the Burmese people are in all other aspects of life , they will never , ever , wave you across in front of them . Even when there 's a huge queue of traffic directly in front of them , drivers will put their foot down to zoom forward the extra couple of meters rather than let you cross . " Only seven people , only seven people " , the man assured us as he hurried us over to the waiting pick - up truck . Judging by the normal standards of Burmese pick - ups , which are usually packed to bursting , it was a number which sounded too good to be true . But as we were about to make a two hour journey it seemed like a good idea to go for an option where both bum cheeks could occupy a seat . We settled in on one of the long wooden benches which line each side of the truck and , along with the other occupants , we did actually number seven . However , just as we thought it was time to go , our pick - up reversed into a nearby garage where a huge pile of spare car parts , tyres and engines was loaded on . When everything was eventually packed in around our feet and stacked up high on the roof we set off , with the two ' bus boys ' hanging off the back . It 's their job to shout out the truck 's destination and repeatedly squeeze everyone along just a quarter of an inch in order to fit just one more person in . This was something we witnessed regularly as the truck stop - started its way through the countryside , where men and boys climbed onto the roof or hung off the back and women with huge shopping baskets and babies squashed inside , sitting on small wooden stools in the aisle when the benches were too full . At one point there was 20 people in the back alone . Locals in Burma are used to getting around this way and personal space does not exist , so its normal for your neighbour to lean on you or fall asleep on your shoulder . The baby next to me had great fun using my finger as a teething device . The funny thing is that the only place where there is space is the seat next to the driver - the ' first class ' of the pick - up - which costs more to sit in . But for most people here it 's not an option and it 's economy all the way . Looking full ? No , there 's still plenty of room ! I 'm not a big fan of motorbikes . My poor balance means that I 'm terrified I 'll somehow manage to tip the bike over , so I spend the whole journey totally tensed up , not daring to move . Unfortunately in Burma they 're the main form of transport and you can 't walk down a street anywhere without someone shouting " taxi , taxi ? " at you ( whether they 're actually licenced to do so or not ) . When we arrived at the small town of Taungoo we were nearly knocked over by the group of taxi drivers who jumped onto the train as it was still moving to offer their services . As we made our way out of the station we became the Pied Pipers of drivers as they all continued to follow us , shouting out prices , despite the fact that they still didn 't know where we were going . Outside the price war continued as the men pointed out their various motorbikes and trishaws . " Car ? " we asked hopefully , but it obviously wasn 't an option . Unable to bear the thought of getting an old man to peddle us ( and our huge backpacks ) all of the way to our accommodation on a trishaw , we finally opted for the motorbike . The barely - teenage drivers confidently manoeuvred our big backpacks between their legs while we slightly less - confidently climbed behind them with our smaller backpacks . They set off at a frightening speed , dodging the pot holes and fearlessly overtaking cars and bikes . The women in Burma always look so elegant on motorbikes . Often they sit side - saddle , sometimes with a baby on their knee , and they rarely look as though they are holding on . I , on the other hand , was hanging onto the back of the bike for dear life and was actually considering grabbing onto my poor driver , although I thought that might be a bit weird . At some points I had to close my eyes as we approached oncoming traffic - although I don 't know whether that made it better or worse . When we finally arrived I got off , legs shaking , with the unfortunate knowledge that we had to do it all over again the next day . 3 . If plan A fails , there 's always Plan B " The mountain is broken " , the station master told us gravely . To illustrate his point he drew a diagram of a mountain split in two . We took in the news about the landslide and the fact that it would take " many , many hours " to clear and considered our options . In the end there was nothing for it but to forgo one of Burma 's most scenic train journeys and head back to the hotel we 'd just checked out of . The lovely owner instantly sprang into action , promising to flag down every passing bus to see whether it had three free seats to Mandalay . We were just about to head for a quick breakfast when she came running after us . " You are very lucky " , she said as she explained that a man who was heading to Mandalay would take us for the same price as the bus . Where the man had suddenly appeared from and how he had heard about our plight so quickly , I have no idea . But half an hour later we found ourselves squeezed into the back of his 4x4 , while his wife and daughter shared the front seat . Unlike most of the children here , the little girl was completely oblivious to us , as though her father quite regularly picks up foreigners and drives them to cities five hours away . My journey to Bagan started like many others . I was on one of the more expensive ' luxury ' buses and was being frozen by the air - con and deafened by the never - ending video karaoke . I think the term ' luxury ' can be used in the loosest sense of the word in Burma . I 'm sure when the buses were first made they were very fancy but seeing as that was about 30 years ago it doesn 't really apply now . " In my day I used to be fancy . Honest . " The only thing that makes most of them stand out from the ordinary buses is that they have padding on the seats , rather than just wooden boards . Oh and the tvs , which , when they 're not playing terrible Burmese cover versions of the Black Eyed Peas ' Where Is The Love ? , show soap operas which are just as bad . I can only assume that the Eastenders script writers moonlight for the Burmese soaps too as so far I 've seen plot lines which include a long - lost brother and sister falling in love ; women coming to blows over a man they both fancy and many , many , tearful girls being kept apart from their one true love by their parents . Anyway , I digress . The point is , I was on a bus which suddenly stopped - not actually that unusual in Burma . Everybody jumped out and the men appeared to tighten - although not actually change - a tyre . We then , worryingly , all piled back into the bus and appeared to coast to the nearest town . Once there we immediately went to a garage where we were told the bus was broken and would take two hours to fix . But the conductor told us not to worry as another " bus " was on the way . The " bus " turned out to be a pick - up truck , already packed to bursting . After reassuring us that we didn 't have to pay - due to the fact that we 'd already paid a ( relatively ) huge bus fee - we were squeezed in . So I spent the last two hours of my journey sat backwards on a small wooden stool clinging to a strap above my head , squeezed between the knees of local women , many of whom were throwing up due to travel sickness . Like I said , not quite the journey I was expecting . Sometimes when you 're travelling you can get a bit cynical about people . It sometimes feels like you 're wearing a great big flashing sign saying " Tourist " which gives everyone the green light to try and scam you . People let you take a photo and then ask for some money , kids wave to you before holding their hand out for a " present " . So often it 's easy to forget that some people will help you out - for nothing . We 'd just come to the end of a two - day trek in the most ridiculous heat ever . As we sat under a shelter trying to summon up the energy to tackle the main road which stood between us and a shower at our hotel , a man stopped next to us in his little tractor / truck . " Hsipaw ? " he asked , before waving at us to jump in . At that point we were so exhausted that I 'm pretty sure we would have accepted a ride from anyone . But as we bumped out way back to town we started fretting about how much money he would ask for . " He won 't be doing it for nothing " I said grumpily as we tried to come up with a reasonable amount to pay . ( The general rule in Asia is to always agree a price before setting off anywhere as its difficult to argue after you 've taken the journey . ) Burma is a country I 've wanted to visit ever since reading Sarah Larkin 's Finding George Orwell in Burma years ago . Up until then I probably couldn 't have pointed out Burma on a map but the way she described the place and the people made me want to visit immediately . However up until now the timing has never seemed right , especially as the National League for Democracy called for a tourism boycott until 2010 . But the political situation appears to be changing - albeit very slowly - and when I met Cuba and Asher in Peru , they spoke so enthusiastically about Burma that I decided then and there that I would visit it during this trip . One of the first things you notice when you arrive in the country is the teashops . While some are housed in permanent buildings , many just line busy streets and dingy alleyways and their dinky tables and chairs feel made for me . You can find them everywhere , from the capital Yangon to the smallest village , and there 's nothing better than perching on one of the tiny stools , often where the passing cars almost touch you and watching the world go by . I love to see the women with their faces covered with the traditional yellowy - white makeup busy doing their shopping ( you don 't see many of them gossiping in teashops - it 's more of a man 's world it appears ) ; kids running along in their pristine green and white school uniforms and the men who are temporary monks ( something which they are all required to do twice in their life ) walking along with their mobile phones attached to their robes , not quite able to let go of the modern world . There are many things I love about the teashops here : copious amounts of cake and non - stop people watching to name but two . However the thing I love the most is the non - stop tea . As soon as you sit down at a teashop , before you 've even ordered anything , a flask or teapot of Chinese tea will be plonked on your table , usually by one of the teaboys who are ten going on forty - barking their orders to the kitchen and running back and forth between tables . Thanks to them a visit to a teashop can last an entire afternoon . Where else could you spend three hours in a cafe and get a 50p bill at the end of it ? If you order a cup of regular Burmese tea it comes sweet and thick , as condensed milk is stirred into it . The best , although definitely not the healthiest , is a cup of tea with a fried stick ( literally just fried pastry ) to dip into it - mmm . . . Good job I 'm only here for a month !
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My best friend is on her honeymoon right now . I didn 't text her to check in to see if they 'd made it safely to their destination but she sent me a message once she arrived . Not a message to necessarily tell me that they 'd made it . She sent me her thoughts from a plane . I 'm not sure who started doing thoughts from a plane . I want to credit her with it because I feel like she was the first one who came up with it . But , it may have been me . I 'll have to confer and get back with you on that one . Anyway , thoughts from a plane are literally just that : your thoughts about what is going on around you while on a plane . Maybe we started doing it because it can get terribly boring being cooped up in an airplane for a long time . Or , it could 've been because you 're in such tight quarters that you can hear and see everything that everyone is doing . Either way , it 's funny to us to share our thoughts from a plane with each other . I wrote about it one time , if you want to read about it here . As I was saying , Jordan got married last weekend and part of my Maid of Honor duties were to write a speech , which I then relayed at her rehearsal dinner . I 'm not a great public speaker , but I 'm generally not terrible . I don 't think I did very well with this speech for two reasons 1 . I wasn 't quite sure what emotions were going to be going on , so I was a little apprehensive about being overly emotional . I made it through just fine though . 2 . I wasn 't sure what crowd size I 'd be speaking to , so I 'd made my speech more for a little bit more intimate of a gathering and there were quite a few people there . I feel like I 'm generally better when I 'm conveying thoughts through writing rather than speaking . It just comes more naturally . Even though I tend to write exactly as I would think / speak a thought . So , since I 'd written the speech anyway , I thought I 'd memorialize it in blog form . Because this seems like an official place to memorialize something of magnitude , right ? Here they are : my thoughts for my best friend on the evening before her wedding : When Jordan told me that I would need to make a speech tonight , I wasn 't really sure what a Maid of Honor speech should be like , so I just wrote what came to mind . Jordan and I have been friends for a long time . Our families have been friends for over 100 years , so we technically have a long history together . But , I didn 't grow up with her , so I never really officially met her until we were around 14 or 15 years old . I remember the first time I heard about Jordan . I had just switched schools and some of my friends were hanging out by my locker , talking about this girl and her shoes . I have never cared too much for fashion and as an 8th grader , I cared even less . But , there was apparently a girl walking around in pink stilettos . And it was Jordan . It 's ironic that my first memory of hearing about Jordan has to do with shoes , because I swear , the girl currently owns about 500 pairs . I really got to know Jordan in high school . We had a class together and the first day I walked into class , there she was , seated in front of my desk , crocheting . She had her yarn spread out and could care less what anyone thought about it . I thought maybe during the lecture , she would take notes , but she continued to crochet . We did our classwork together , probably mostly because I was the one with the notes , and also because we were two of the only girls in that class . I 'll not bore everyone with stories ofJordan wouldn 't let me have a slide show , but immediately , when I first started thinking about this speech , there was one picture of us that immediately came to mind . It was a picture of the two of us , on our last day of high school , right before we graduated . I had tried like everything to convince her to go to the University of Arkansas with me and she had likewise tried to convince me to go to OSU with her . But , both of us knew that the other place wasn 't where we were meant to be . So , we were going to be parting ways and on the last day of high school , that reality was sinking in a little bit more . You can tell in the picture that we had been teary eyed saying bye to all our friends . And , I know it seems a little bit childish now , but it was a big deal to us then . We were , in a tiny way , embarking into the unknown . We weren 't going to be full fledged adults by any means , because what 18 year old can really be considered an adult ? But , we were striking it out on our own . We had no idea the people we 'd meet or the new friends we 'd gain , most of whom for Jordan are seated here tonight . We had no idea if we 'd still be friends after it was all said and done . And , we had no idea the lives we 'd eventually lead . So , the tears were understandable . But had we known then what we know now , how even though this step from high school into adulthood was a bit daunting at first , how it lead to so many great things , we may have still been teary eyed , but not because we were sad for moving on , but because we were overwhelmed and happy for the new things to come . And , as I 'm writing this , I 'm expecting that there will be some tears as Jordan and Jade now prepare to enter into a new , exciting phase of their lives together . But now we know that if we get a little teary eyed , it 's not for sadness of what Jade and Jordan are leaving behind , but for joy for the life that they 're about to walk into . Congratulations Jordan and Jade ! I am so happy for both of you and can 't wait to see what blessings marriage briStandard The second one is a legitimate concern because right before the instruction was given to me , I was trying to devise a way in my mind to sleep on top of my luggage in the airport so that if anyone bothered it , I would wake up . Guess I won 't be doing that . This isn 't my first time traveling alone , but I guess it 's my first time going this far and for this long by myself . So , it 's a little bit of a first . A girl in the airport bathroom asked me if this was my first time to fly . I was in the middle of brushing my teeth ( and trying to decide if the tube I 'd squeezed onto my toothbrush was full of toothpaste or hand soap ) so I felt like that was maybe a good indication that I wasn 't new at this . Or possibly that I was completely new at this and didn 't have a clue . It could go both ways , really . She needed help with her boarding pass because it was her first time flying . She handed me the paper and asked me where she should go . She thought her gate was 952A . We 're at a small airport , so I knew she must 've been confused . I explained to her that she was leaving at 9 : 52 am and her gate assignment would be on the board . To which she responded : where 's the board ? I 'm not good at giving directions , we all know this . So , I gathered my things , having happily decided that I did , in fact , use toothpaste and not hand soap , and went outside with her to see what gate she needed . We found it and she told me that she was flying by herself and was going to visit her boyfriend in North Dakota and she had no idea how to navigate everything . I can very much sympathize . Not because I have a boyfriend in North Dakota that I 'm going to see . But because I 've been in her shoes , traveling by myself for the first time . And , because navigation is not my strong suit either . Which is why it was surprising to be asked for help in finding something . And even more surprising that I was able to help . Looks like there 's a first time for everything . Standard Jake is redefining the meaning of window shopping . We 're sitting in the window of a hotel lobby ( not even our own hotel , which is an explanation all itself ) and I 'm not paying attention to him . But , I notice he 's making motions , so I look up and what do I find ? A little Vietnamese woman out on the street , carrying a board of bric - a - brac ( nail clippers , fans , bookmarks , bracelets , lighters , sunglasses , and so much more . Essentially , a walking convenience store . ) And Jake , motioning to her from the window . She 'd hold up one thing and he 'd shake his head . He 'd point at another thing and she 'd hold that up . Nope , not that one . After about 5 minutes of this back and forth , Jake decides on a map ( which he has somehow already bargained and agreed upon a price for ) and leaves the lobby to go settle up with her outside . Ridiculous . We 're doing clinics at " stations " right now which means we 're traveling around Vietnam with a bunch of med students and government officials to government clinics and doing some outreach . They 're very good with us , keeping up with who we are and how we 're doing . This guy is even so nice as to carry my passport picture around just in case he needs to remember my name . So , after our first clinic station , they informed us that we had been invited to lunch . Where at ? We didn 't know . But , our bus dropped us off at the entrance of a gate and we walked in . To this . Hospitality is great but also kind of terrifying . Because you don 't know what you 're going to be served . You just know you 'll have to eat it . And when I sat down , I knew it was going to be one for the story books . I also happened to be seated right next to the main " translator " , who is in charge of our group ( she requested the seat next to me ) , so I knew I was in for it . We started with a table full and you automatically start looking around and wrapping your mind around what you 're going to have to try . You mentally prepare for battle . And you bravely dive in . But , then the war changes . The battle you were fighting is over and you think : I 've made it . Then , bowls are changed out and people scurry around and all the sudden , a new fight begins . This was a tough one , guys . Mostly , I had no idea what it was . My original plan was to stick with the fruit and some corn and see if I could make it . But , two seconds later , a lettuce wrap was being made and handed to me with whole shrimp in it ( legs , head , shell , everything ) dipped in fish sauce and ready to be eaten . And , when you 're handed something , there 's no escape . I should also tell you that halfway through this meal , one of the Vietnamese students leaned over to Jake and said : " you 'll need to take a pill after this meal . " I had already guessed that , but I 'm glad she felt the need to go ahead and tell us . I 'm not sure if Jake will need the pill though because at the beginning of the meal , the man of the house came around insisting that the men at the table take a shot of " banana wine " . Jake happened to be the first one he approached and after some insisting , he took it . So , he got a dose of medicine early . Halfway through the meal , I began to question where we were at ? It seemed to be a home , but more like a mansion . It had a waterway in the middle with rooms and stairs going off in different directions . I was informed by our " translator " that we had been invited to the home of the former Vice President of Vietnam . So , this was a big deal . Who knew ? I asked what the meat dish was and she said " duck " . Okay , I can do duck . I took some , put it on my rice and ate it . It was good , a little different than the other duck I 've had . It was darker and chewier and had a lot of cartilage . But , it was fine . We were asking her about the things we saw and as we were going along , the guy said , ask her what these greens are ? I recognized them from our table and so I called her back to have her tell us the name , but she didn 't know . The gardener happened to be nearby , so she called him over to ask and he spoke to her in Vietnamese . She said , this is the plant that you eat with the " duck " . I said , oh , yes , duck , because we had it at lunch . And the gardener said , " no , no , no , not duck ! Dog , woof woof ! " Only then did it dawn on me why the dog was in the cage with the chickens . And why that meat at lunch had been so dark and chewy . I 've already gotten a lecture this morning on my baggage . I got new luggage recently . My suitcase is currently weighing in at the heaviest : 59 pounds . It 's really not that bad though , because I did pack gifts for some of the families we 'll be visiting . I also packed approximately 32 jackets / sweaters / cardigans . So , maybe it is kinda bad . My new adult - ish tote says I 'm probably going to a place that atleast has a front desk and maybe a gym . And , running water . I 'm trying , guys . My whole " adult " vibe is probably being thrown off a little bit by the fact that I 'm carrying my quilt around , rolled up in my yoga mat carrier . I can 't travel without my quilt and I had no place to put it . So : stroke of genius and I 've got a new kind of carry on . My family thinks it 's slightly ridiculous that I carry it with me . My dad likens me to Charlie Brown . ( Don 't worry , I corrected him because , as we all know , it 's Linus who carries the blanket , not Charlie ) You just never know when you 're going to need to sleep in an airport . My tote is currently about to bust at the seams . I told Jake when I got it that it would keep me from packing so much . Famous last words . It 's so full that the buttons won 't stay closed and the flap barely fits over it . See below . So , after checking every five minutes to make sure I haven 't lost anything out of it , I 'm finally on the plane . And , fortunately , the guy loading on behind me puts my carry ons to shame . He 's wearing a cowboy hat and carrying a boom box . And he 's trying to put it in the overhead compartment . I 'm just hoping he brought some cassette tapes for that thing . Looks like we 're gonna be having a party ! Let me just unroll this quilt and I 'll be good to go ! You know what one of my pet peeves is ? On cooking shows , when they make something and don 't fully scrape out the bowl . That drives me crazy . I realize they probably don 't want the hosts wasting precious air time scraping every last particle out of the bowl . But seriously , they leave half the batter in the bowl . Anyway , it 's been awhile since I 've written . How is Christmas already done ? Wasn 't it just the Fourth of July ? My favorite part of Christmas is caroling . This is a long standing tradition and I love it . Singing to people just brings so much joy . Unfortunately , it was raining cats and dogs on the day we were scheduled to go caroling at church . So , we cancelled . And I was sad . However , never fear . My college ministry group carols too , so disaster averted . We all loaded in a van and drove around Fayetteville to houses and a retirement home to sing . My friend , Jordan , who is a grad student at OSU , went with us and it was her very first time to carol . At our last house , one of the ladies was greeting us as we left and said to us , are you ladies freshmen or sophomores ? Hmm , neither . We kindly informed her that we had both already graduated from undergrad and that Jordan was in grad school . Sadly , she 's not the only one who has questioned my age lately . On a recent flight , my brother and I were seated in the exit row . He boarded ahead of me and the lady informed him of his " exit row duties " and let him on . As I stepped forward , she told me I was seated in the exit row as well . When I told her that was fine , she looked at me a little puzzled and said , you are 15 , right ? Apparently , you have to be at least 15 years old to sit in the exit row . Then , I went to the movies with some friends this past weekend and the movie we happened to choose was rated R . They went first , gave the girl their tickets and walked through . But , when I stepped up behind them , the girl said : I need to ask you , how old are you ? Confused as to why she was asking , I said I 'm 24 . She looked embarrassed and let me go . I forgot that you have to be 17 to see anything R rated . 15 , 17 , 24 , who cares at this point ? Age seems pretty relative anyway . To my delight , caroling was rescheduled with our church group and we got to sing to Santa ! Literally , one of the little girls thought it was really Santa 's house . Let me preface this by saying that I never wanted to be a teacher . It 's not really in my nature . I have friends ( a lot of friends actually ) who are teachers . They are all talented , beautiful people and are brightening the futures of our children every day . That 's not me . A classroom full of little minds to mold was never my dream . However , sometimes we are put into roles in life that we aren 't necessarily called to and that 's how I found myself teaching at church . I 've taught the younger kids for a long time , but recently , I moved up ( or down , depending on how you look at it ) in the rankings and I 'm now teaching our Wednesday night youth group , which consists of jr . high and high school . I feel the need to mention that while I was moved to this position , I was still not given van driving privileges . My brother told them that I didn 't need to be in charge of driving a van full of kids , so they put him on the list instead . So , I promptly planned a youth trip to the corn maze and made him drive us . Back to teaching , though . I don 't know who seemed to think I was qualified for this . I rarely have lesson plans and spend most of my time talking about what I want to talk about . So , they just listen to me ramble . The cool thing about not having lesson plans is that you can truly experience the Lord speaking through you . That 's such an abstract idea , until it happens and then you know , without a doubt , what that feels like . Last week , I was worn out . I had just gotten off work , rushed over to church ( late as usual ) and had absolutely nothing to teach about . I didn 't have a Bible story in mind , no wisdom to impart . And I had 15 crazy teens who were loud and rambunctious and I just didn 't really think I could handle it . But , once I got them calmed down , we started talking . I told them that I had always been told that God was faithful . I was raised in church , I 've been told and taught a lot of things about who God is . But until I experience that for myself , do I truly believe that or is it just an idea in my head ? Until I experienced God 's faithfulness , I didn 't really know what that meant . The night that I had nothing to teach , we began by talking about how we view ourselves versus how God views us . A lot of the kids that we have at church come from hard situations , where one or both parents aren 't really in the picture . I had read a quote earlier in the week about how kids become what they are told that they are . So much of who we feel like we are or what we feel we 're capable of is based simply on what we 've been told we are , what we 've been told we can do . As I began talking about this , I shared with them from Psalm 139 , where David is talking about how the Lord knew us before we were born , how He planned out all our days before we even existed . That sounds like a God who loves us quite a bit . But as I looked at the faces of these kids , I knew that some of them were hearing this for the first time . I knew that some of them hadn 't been told that they were loved very much . We went on to talk about how if God knew us before we were born , that meant that none of us were accidental . Whether our parents had planned for us to be here or not , we had a Heavenly Father that planned out every single one of our days . The looks on a few faces made my heart hurt a little bit . To feel unwanted or like an accident is tragic . But , how much greater does the love of the Lord wash down over that situation ? These were definitely not my words that were being poured out that night . I can 't take claim to any of that . I showed up as an empty , tired vessel with nothing to give . But , the Lord always supplies . They say you learn more as the teacher than as the student . Yes , I 'm learning the differences between a concert trombone and a marching trombone . I 'm learning about soccer , the lifecycle of lice , and about ninjas ( yes , all real conversations , I can 't make this stuff up ) . But , really , I 'm learning so much more . More about myself . More about them . And more about God and how very much He loves us . Way more than I ever bargained for . What is it with me and ovens ? I cannot keep from burning myself . I made sweet potato fries for my friends the other night and accidentally left a fork in the pan . Put it in a 350 degree oven , checked it thirty minutes later , saw that there was a fork there that didn 't belong , and what did I do ? Promptly reached in the oven and grabbed it . Do you know what forks are made of ? Metal . Do you know what the heat conductivity of metal is ? Really good . About . 825 seconds after I grabbed the fork , I remembered that too . Speaking of sweet potatoes and remembrance , do you remember those little delicate baby sweet potato slips I grew in the spring ? I planted them in the soft soil , watered them and kicked them out of the nest , metaphorically speaking , of course . And , here we are . The picture below represents 2 plants . Remember , there were 108 planted . So , only 106 mounds like this left to harvest . Think I went a little overboard ? I planted them on May 5 . I 've never grown the purple ones but the variety I got from the store were tiny and uniform . So , you would assume that they grow like that . Wrong . They 're huge , just like the orange ones . I 've mentioned my dead apple tree before , right ? Well , I 'm currently in the process of picking out three new ones to replace the tree that died . So , my apple harvest was non - existent this year . Luckily though , my friend is giving me a glimpse into my apple picking future because she has seven apple trees that were loaded with fruit . And I scored a harvest invite . ( And , yes , a harvest invite is a real thing in my life and not only a real thing , but a prized treasure . Cherish it . ) I went to pick apples with her which , if we 're being honest , mostly consisted of me standing around gabbing while she picked . But , I got a bushel basket full at the end of it . Literally , we weighed it . It was 40 pounds of apples . What do you do with 40 pounds of apples , you might ask . Jake decided we should make apple chips ( AKA nature 's donuts ) with our fancy dehydrator . So , we did .
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This afternoon , I made my weekly trip to the grocery store . We have friends coming over for dinner tonight , and I had a long list of things to get for Christmas dinner too . I was hurrying through my list and getting frustrated by the fact that I had to go from end to end of the store to get things I overlooked on my first trip through the aisles . There were lots of other people in the store this afternoon , all on similar missions to mine , so I was held up more than once while waiting for another patron to make their selection with their cart parked out in the middle of the aisle . When I was finally finished and ready to head to the checkout , each register had about 3 people waiting . I sighed and started to push my cart towards the front . I heard this really loud jingling - like there were about a dozen Salvation Army bell ringers somewhere nearby - and looked up to see a dancing , stuffed elf hat on one of the shelves between me and the register . To my right , I heard giggling and saw a 10 year old boy dart towards the dancing hat - while leaving his cart directly in front of mine with no room to get around . An exasperated voice said , " Tony , you can 't leave your cart in the middle of the aisle ! Come back here ! " When I looked to see the person attached to the voice , I saw a dad with three other kids in tow . The poor guy looked like he had been through quite the afternoon . In that moment , I knew I had a choice : I could either silently push past the abandoned cart with a grimace on my face , or I could offer a word of encouragement to a guy that was clearly having " one of those days " . I put on my biggest smile , and said , " How could he not stop ? It 's a singing , jingling elf hat ! No big deal - I can go around . " The dad smiled a very relieved smile , and I saw his shoulders drop about 6 inches . The little boy came back to his dad with a grin on his face and started dancing along to the music eminating from the hat . We all just laughed ! It was a small moment , a tiny gesture , and honestly , not that big a deal in the grand schemejeannine jersey The dang Huffington Post always sucks me in with their headlines : " The 4 Things You Must Never Say To Your Daughter " or " The 7 Ways To Make Sure You Have The Perfect Child " , or something along those lines . Whoever they have working for them to write those headlines deserves every penny . I always find myself clicking through to read the wisdom promised to be shared in the article they 've posted . The funny thing is that I have never finished reading one of those articles or blogs and really felt like I have just unlocked some secret about parenting that is going to alter the course of my life forever . They are entertaining . I relate to a good deal of them , a least a little . Earth shattering ? Life changing ? Not hardly . Right after S and I found out that we were pregnant , we went to S 's friend 's child 's birthday party . Soon , all of the attendees found out that we were expecting , and the advice starting FLOWING . Now , I didn 't want to be rude , so I politely listened , smiled and nodded . I even thanked most of the people that offered the unsolicited advice - most of which directly contradicted anything said by the person before or after . I was beginning to feel slightly overwhelmed , and then , the sister of my husband 's friend pulled me aside . I fully expected to get another dose of parenting wisdom , since she had just had a child of her own a couple of years prior . Instead , she said something that I locked on to and haven 't let go since . She slapped her hands on her legs and stood up , satisfied with my answer . " Perfect . Then , ignore these people . Listen to your gut and your girlfriends . Call them when you want advice , and don 't get bogged down in what anyone else thinks , especially perfect strangers at a kid 's birthday party . Keep your circle small , and you 'll be fine . " I laughed and let her help me up out of the chair . I understood . We started to walk back towards everyone else at the party , and then , she suddenly turned with an extremely grave look on her face . She had one final thing to share . On Friday afternoon , Diana 's school had a Mother 's Day party . We ate snacks together , and the kids presented us with these sweet little collages that they made . Instead of heading back into work after the party , I decided to spend the rest of the afternoon with my little one as my own Mother 's Day gift to myself . We went for a walk , we colored in a couple of her favorite coloring books , we played tag , we ate pizza together , and then , we got to do this : My husband snapped this photo with his phone from the other room . That 's Diana and me making muffins together . It was our first attempt at baking together , and my heart is still full because of it . It might seem like a little thing to most people - why get so excited about muffins ? ? But for me , it felt like I was carrying on a family tradition . My mom was an incredible baker and cook . She was MacGuyver in the kitchen - she could whip up pretty much anything from nothing , and it was always really good . She loved the act of creating something that would bring people happiness and comfort , something that would sustain and nurture . We had a giant cookie jar in our kitchen , and it was always full with something yummy . When she died , many of the condolence cards mentioned her skills in the kitchen . I loved to be in the kitchen with my mom . Who doesn 't love to watch a master artist apply their craft ? One of my favorite memories of my mom was from a random day after middle school , when I came banging through the front door before my brother and sister got home , and she was singing along to Lionel Richie on the radio and setting out all the ingredients for us to make her trademark chocolate chip cookies . When she saw me come in , she didn 't stop singing , she just grinned and motioned for me to join her . ( I still get choked up with I hear " You Are " . . . . ) Over the past 14 years since she died , when I 've struggled with missing her or needed to feel connected , I have often resorted to stepping into the kitchen , pulling on an apron , and getting my hands busy making something from her baking repertoire . On Friday , I was loving the time I got to spend with Diana , but found myself thinking about how much I wished my mom was still around to be a part of her life . Instead of wallowing in that or letting it ruin an otherwise really lovely afternoon , I decided to show Diana how her grandmother would have loved to be spending time with her . So , I pulled out the ingredients to make muffins and all the bowls , spoons and muffin tins , I plopped Diana up on the counter , and held her hands as she put in the eggs , water and oil . I held the bowl as she sloppily stirred everything together . I found myself saying the same things to her that my mom used to say to me : " Make sure you get you get all the lumps out " , " don 't eat too much of that now or you 'll feel sick " , and " great job , sweetie , great job . " Diana loved it . As a matter of fact , she loved it so much that we made two batches ! Then , when we were done , I wrapped them up , and we delivered them to our neighbors to say " Happy Mother 's Day " to them because that 's what my mother would have done . Today , I am grateful for having had a mother that taught me about the love of baking and of caring for others with her example of a life of service and sharing , and for the fact that while she 's not here anymore , her legacy can live on and on if I choose to share it with her granddaughter , Diana , and all of you . Lately , she 's taught me a great deal about patience by being absolutely uninterested in doing anything quickly or that doesn 't suit her agenda . She 's taught me to enjoy the little things by showing me her fascination with picking up rocks out of the backyard to see what 's underneath . She 's taught me the fun that can be had just by making noise . How ? ? This kid LOVES to play with blocks . She likes to stack them up high and knock them down . She loves trying new designs and configurations . She even loves the act of dumping them out of their bag . But what she loves most is taking a moment to pause and celebrate each piece as it goes into place . I don 't know about you , but I am usually so focused on the destination that I forget to celebrate the little achievements along the way . I tend to get so focused on what I think the end result should look like that I forget to get excited about watching the pieces come together . Diana is not at all worried about what the final product will be . Instead , she 's PUMPED about getting that one piece in place , and stops to cheer herself on before moving on to the next piece . What would it be like if we did that , as adults ? I don 't know yet - but I am going to find out ! Written and posted by This year , I have two running goals - complete my second half marathon with a personal record time ( check ! ) and complete my first marathon . When I first started running about 8 years ago , that would have seemed like a ridiculous pair of goals . Heck , it STILL seems kind of ridiculous when I stop to really think about it . Part of my training program is to keep track of my runs - so , I 've been doing that with an app called RunKeeper , which posts to social media when I log a run . Doing that keeps me motivated and accountable , and I need all the help I can get ! I guess since I 've been so obnoxious about posting my runs this year , I 've started to get a lot of questions from friends about " how to become a runner " . This always strikes me as funny , because truth be told , when I started 8 years ago , I couldn 't run 100 yards without literally thinking I was going to P - A - S - S O - U - T ! True story - when I started training for my first 5k , I went to a reservoir in West Hartford that had a running trail around it about that distance . On day one , the person helping me get started suggested that I pick a landmark up ahead and just focus on running towards it , and then , once I got there , I could decide if I wanted to pick another landmark , and so on . Well , by the time my out - of - shape butt got to that first landmark , an oak tree , I was so out of breath that I felt like I had a hood coming up over the top of my head trying to black me out . I know this may be shocking to some , but I was kind of a drama queen about it , too . I would shout to him , as we approached the oak tree , " HOOD ! HOOD ! " , and once we got to the tree , I would make a grand show of slowing down and walking the rest of the distance around the reservoir in my weakened and exhausted state . Over time , as the weeks rolled on , I would get past that oak tree , and then , the next , and then , the next , until finally , I was slowly jogging the whole distance around the reservoir . I wasn 't going quickly , but I was GOING ! It wasn 't pretty , it wasn 't graceful , it wasn 't athletic - it was just motion in the right direction for long enough to achieve the goal . All I wanted that first year was to be able to run a full 5k in memory of my mom - and I did ! Race for the Cure 2008 ( with my friend Barb on my back ! ) My point is this : if I can do it , YOU can do it . I wasn 't an athlete in high school - as a matter of fact , I was so unathletic that the basketball coach ( despite his high hopes for my Amazonian height ) kindly guided me towards trying out for the theatre program after floundering around on the basketball court for a few weeks . So , if I can do it , YOU can do it . Me and Steven with friends at the Jingle Bell Run in Birmingham Step 1 : Pick a goal . Pick a real one , one that you can achieve , so that you don 't get upset and quit before you even give yourself a chance to get started . If you have never run , a 5k is a great goal to start . Give yourself lots of time leading up to it to get trained . ( Remember the curse of the HOOD ! ) Step 2 : Pick a plan . Just thinking that you 'll go out and run a few days a week isn 't tangible enough to feel like a plan . I really like Hal Higdon 's website ( www . halhigdon . com ) for training plans of all kinds of races , for all kinds of fitness levels . They have some built in to apps like my RunKeeper app , too . Find one that works for the distance you want to go , and map it out . I literally have a calendar of all the runs I am going to do between now and my marathon in November . It took some time to plan it out , but now , I don 't even have to think about it , I just get up each day and GO ! Step 3 : Pick a buddy . One of the best things I can recommend is have a friend that can act as an accountability partner . For me , it 's my friend Donna . We are both training for different races right now , but we check in with each other after we run . Heck , we don 't even live in the same state anymore ! For us , it 's not about running right next to each other , it 's about offering moral support and accountability . We offer encouragement to each other when we run . . . and when we don 't , too . When one of us is too busy or doesn 't feel well or is nursing an injury , we are honest about that too , and offer encouragement then , as well . One of the best feelings in the world is when I send my daily report and get hers back ! Step 4 : Pick up your feet . GO ! If you are like me , you can worry about getting all the right stuff ( the shoes , the outfits , the temperature , etc . ) in place before you start , and if you are like me , it 'll all have to be perfect before you can take even one step . WRONG ! Just go . GO ! GOOOOOOO ! Pick up your feet and run 100 yards . Done ? That 's 100 yards that you didn 't run yesterday . How cool is that ? ? You can make progress each day , just by picking yourself up off the chair you are sitting in and heading out the door or onto the treadmill ! One last thing : be gentle with yourself . None of us are perfect . None of us run the perfect race , or follow the training plan perfectly . It just doesn 't happen . Don 't push too hard if you start to feel pain either ! Don 't be too hard on yourself if you hit a slump or feel sluggish , just do the best you can , and incrementally , day by day ( or as in my case , year by year ! ) , you 'll get to where you want to be . Talladega Half with two of the coolest sisters I know : Kristen and B ! If I can do it , ANYONE can do it . I would LOVE to hear from you , if you are trying to run . Please let me know if there 's anything I can do to help encourage you along the way ! The running community is an incredible group of people - I 've met some amazing people and had fantastic experience . The feeling of accomplishment when you cross the finish line is second only to the sense of camraderie and community you feel with the folks that are running along beside you . Don 't miss out on this awesome experience ! Mercedes Half 2014 - at the starting line with my friend Scott , who pushed me to get a 2 : 07 ! Have you ever meant to get to something , and let time slip and slip and slip by ? So , six months later , here I am ! I 've been meaning to write , meaning to set aside the time , meaning to get organized and down to business . . . but then , well , life happened and I just never got around to capturing my thoughts here . I am sitting here , with the rain coming down outside , in the kitchen of my new house with my daughter and husband asleep upstairs . Scratch that . She 's asleep - he just sent me a video of her snoring while he holds her . How stinking cute is that ? Lots has changed in the last six months - the biggest thing is that our little family moved into a new house . It was quite the adventure with lots of drama along the way . We almost bought a house with termites . One of the owners threatened to sue us for not wanting to buy the house with termites . We had to find a new house in 48 hours because we sold our old house and the closing date was looming . Oh , and then , when we did find a house and determine a closing date for our old house , it was right smack dab on the middle of a two week mandatory training class that I had to take at work , so S ended up doing pretty much all of the coordinating and organizing . On Monday , March 24 . I left to go to work from one house and came home to another ! We are going to spend quite a while getting this house to feel like our home , but we love it , so far . It has lots of room for Diana and for us , and for family and friends to come visit or stay ( hint , hint . . . ) It 's closer to civilization , so now , heading into town for an event isn 't such a daunting proposition . The other big milestone for me was getting a PR ( personal record ) in the Mercedes Half Marathon in February . I had been wanting to get back into running and with my new schedule at my new job , I can run before my work day starts . After a few months of serious training , I ended up running next to a friend who kept me so distracted that I didn 't even realize how quickly we were running until we crossed the finish line ! I got a 2 : 07 , which is a full 24 minutes faster than my only other half marathon . What 's up next ? Vegas , baby ! I am planning in doing my first full marathon there in November ! Training has already begun , and if my knee holds out , I can cross that off my bucket list . Well , I know this wasn 't the deepest or most inspirational post , but basically , I just wanted to write SOMETHING to get back in the habit . More to come - hopefully soon . Today , I am grateful for : 1 . Rain on my window - it 's the best soundtrack for a Sunday afternoon nap . 2 . Getting to spend time with mWritten and posted by I 'm 41 and married to a fabulous man I call " S " here . We had our daughter , Diana , in August of 2012 . We live in Sweet Home Alabama , just outside of Birmingham . We love traveling , going to the movies or out to eat , and spending time with family and friends . By day , I am a communications and organizational effectiveness professional , and by night , I am an aspiring writer , blogger , and wannabe gratitude guru . S and I are excited to annouce that we are expecting ! We 're so excited ! It really is a dream come true for both of us - and we are . . .
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A treasure box of practical domestic skills : preserves , cooking , baking , thrifty housekeeping , gardening and garden design , sustainability and some of my own stories . Other topics covered are the Christchurch earthquakes , exploration of the beach and rock pools , walks and rambles . The latest series is entitled ' Elderly and dependent ' . Older viewers may remember Zeta - Jones as the seductive Mariette in the television series " The Darling Buds of May " . In this movie she is more beautiful and seductive than ever and an alluring match in looks and temperament to Clooney . Her character , Marilyn Rexroth , is diligently working her way to financial independence by way of serial divorce . Clooney 's character , Miles Massey , is the divorce lawyer acting for her husband . They each have some marvellous lines ! Mr Rexroth confides to Miles that his wife has him between a rock and a hard place , to which Miles responds crisply " That 's her job - you should respect that , " which is , shall we say , refreshingly unexpected ! He 's the man in charge and no one is likely to forget it . I 'm not easily impressed by good - looking men but was very much entertained by Clooney 's interpretation of this quick - witted , dental - hygiene - obsessed and somewhat supercilious character . Clooney clearly enjoyed the role and sends it up just enough to make Miles funny rather than aggravating . And I must confess that the sight of him in green and red tartan took even my breath away . Must be my Scottish ancestry getting the better of me ! I liked Branagh in this movie . His character , Peter McGowan , is a playwright in the doldrums , and at this point in his career he doesn 't seem to be able to write , sleep or satisfy his wife , and then the neighbour gets a dog - which barks at night . I think most of us can identify with at least one of these problems , possibly more . As an Englishman domiciled in the leafy suburbs of Los Angeles , our thwarted playwright vents his frustrations in a blisteringly un - American manner very much at odds with those around him . Clearly he has a sufficiently substantial reputation and wealth not to be inconvenienced by those he might offend ! The scene in which he is interviewed on television is one to treasure ! Coming the other way , his chance meeting with a dis - affected screenplay writer shows the boot on the other foot . McGowan , while surprised and taken a - back , takes it in his stride . What I particularly liked about this movie was that Branagh and Penn portray a couple who clearly love each other and want to be together despite their difficulties , which you don 't often see in movies - usually the storyline is either entirely given over to the chase , or it 's all on - or all off . This is a very nicely crafted movie and of these four seemed the closest to real life . " Something 's gotta give " ( 2003 ) starring Jack Nicholson and Diane Keaton : By chance I watched this movie after the one above , and it is also about a languishing playwright ! This time that role goes to the woman . While I enjoyed watching these two great actors I never forgot I was watching a movie made up about two fictional characters , so it lacked the realism of the Branagh movie . Good entertainment though . " Whatever works " ( 2009 ) written and directed by Woody Allen ; starring Larry David ( of " Curb your Enthusiasm " fame ) and Evan Rachel Wood , supported by Patricia Clarkson : I loved this movie - it 's so Jewish , so Woody Allen . He 's scathingly intelligent , determinedly depressed , tied up in anguished knots about the meaningless randomness of life , yet still possessing an off - beat generosity - if of a morose variety ! Woody expresses himself through the character of Boris , played by Larry David , a man of advanced middle age and decidedly knobbly knees , who invariably sings Happy Birthday as he washes his hands , an eccentric . An essential feature of any Woody Allen movie is the innocent and as yet unformed young woman , in this case played by Evan Rachel Wood , who is the perfect foil for this disaffected older man . She carries off the role with an ingenuousness as convincing as it is delightful . By slow degrees she invades his world , and then , surprise , surprise , his heart . All goes well until the entrance on the scene of her mother , splendidly portrayed by Patricia Clarkson , at which point upsets occur in many directions one after another . As with the Branagh movie I enjoyed the use of theatrical devices such as the repeated use of the opening chords of Beethoven 's Fifth Symphony which heralds especially dramatic moments . The deliberately stagy quality of some of the acting is another case in point , as in Boris ' recollection of a row he had with his first wife , which is precisely the manner in which we mentally re - enact our memories of difficult situations , time after time after time - like set pieces . Woody Allen has a lot to say , and he is determined not to leave anything out , so this is a movie packed with his particular style of intellectual content and leaves the viewer in no doubt as to how he has reached the conclusion that the best way to live is to do " whatever works " . His characters as lined up at the end are so far removed in disposition and circumstance from where they started out that I laughingly agreed ! Just a few days ago I returned from being away . I had overdone things rather and as I relaxed exhaustion closed in accompanied by depression . There didn 't seem to be any point in anything at all , not even in the things that usually give me pleasure . Rest is always good of course , but having done that and finding myself still out of sorts I got out Stan Walker 's album for background music . I was doing some dull work at my desk and needed some nice sounds to keep me company . Ordinarily I enjoy the album , and this time it was okay , but when he got to ' Hallelujah ' by Leonard Cohen , I really woke up and the clouds rolled back , bless him . I 've listened to this album , " Introducing Stan Walker " a lot since buying it soon after he won Australian Idol , and there 's only one track on it I don 't especially care for , which is a good measure of success in my view . Other favourite albums which have kept me going over the years have been : " Tranquility - A Real Music Sampler " which I have listened to countless times and don 't tire of . " Evening Services " ( etc ) by Charles Villiers Stanford which is of choral music . Here is a link to " Stanford : Sacred Choral Music , Vol . 1 " ; a similar collection of his music . And from time to time , a good blast of disco music . Oh and that wonderful gutsy rock classic " Whiplash Smile " by Billy Idol ! I 'll let you into a little known secret - if you need to block out heavy bass the best thing in the world is classical organ music : wind it up and you 're in a world of your own . I discovered this one evening when I was nearly out of my mind with the neighbours interminably exploding fireworks . I think it was Virgil Fox 's recording " The Virtuoso Organ " that saved me that time . I have very strong associations with this record from my childhood when it was played with splendid effect many times over but which I didn 't fully appreciate at the time - it is rather overwhelming if you listen to it properly , and even if you don 't ! Although that particular Virgil Fox recording doesn 't seem to be available now , there are others , such as " Virgil Fox Encores " . This particular album isn 't quite what I was thinking of , but does have wonderful music on it . On the other side of the equation , the performance of music can be transformational . When I was younger I sang in the city choir and loved it . It has given me a special appreciation of the singing of others - I find myself instinctively singing along with them , even if only silently , which is often uplifting . I have to wave a flag here for Adam Lambert : it was after watching his performances on American Idol last year that I realised how important self expression is , and how little most of us allow ourselves . I found him fascinating - not only his talent , but also for his self confidence and exuberance , discipline and imagination . I was amazed at how he always seemed to know exactly where the camera was and the candour with which he let others see what they would . The other contestants seemed pale and insubstantial in comparison . I thought , good on you , Adam , and I think I should let out a little more than I do . It was at that point that I decided to set up these web logs , which have been the source of much pleasure - for me anyway . I 'm grateful for that . Thanks Adam ! Book shop links for interested NZ listeners : These links are all ( intended to be ) to CD 's . Keen listeners may wish to check for other versions and compilations . " Whiplash Smile " , for example , seems to come in a range of different ( additional ? ) tracks . This article continues on from the previous one which gives information about the process of jam - making in general . For jam the ratio I often use is around six parts of prepared fruit to five parts of sugar . If you 're not used to dealing with ratios , consider that if I applied the six to five ratio to six kilos of fruit , I would then use five kilos of sugar . This may seem excessive , especially when you 're measuring it out , but many recipes suggest equal quantities of fruit and sugar , sometimes more . Tastes differ and it 's important to get this right according to your own preference as it does make a considerable difference to the flavour . Working out ratios for any quantity of fruit : I use six parts of fruit to five parts of sugar . With gooseberries the amount of sugar used is particularly crucial as the flavour is delicate : not enough and tartness over - rides it and too much and the sweetness drowns it out . Revised notes from December 2010 : Half a cup of water per kilo of fruit is ample as although the fruit seems hard when first put on to cook it rapidly liquefies . The danger is that it may catch on the bottom before it does so . This is easily avoided by starting the cooking process by first placing your total of water in the pot and by adding the fruit to it gradually , allowing the fruit to contribute a good portion of its moisture before adding more . The fruit will go to a complete mush during the jamming process so this is fine . This is how I did mine this year and it was the best I 've yet made : it set beautifully and is mostly a delicate pinkish jelly . That it is delicious goes without saying ! In what seemed like next to no time I had a lovely jarful of jam and a little extra in a jam pot ! Perfect colour and as good a flavour as you 'd find anywhere ! The fruit is fairly costly though , so this is a special treat . I don 't remove the stones prior to cooking as the plums used have been small and it would be too fiddly . They float free in the cooking process , and can be removed either by fishing them out with a slotted spoon , or by sieving the pulp . It 's a matter of personal taste if you also remove the skins . I do . This does make it quite a long process but I 've found the results worth it . I 've found that discarded stones and skins amount to about a fifth of the original weight of the fruit , meaning that essentially the fruit to sugar ratio is about one to one , which is to say , equal in quantity . When the sugar is being added take care not to let the sugar sit on the bottom of the pot as it can rapidly caramelise which will spoil your jam . If it catches , empty the pot into a clean one and continue on from there . If left it will spoil the flavour of your delicious jam . had that written down before I started adding the sugar so that I knew exactly where I was up to at any point ! By the time I got to four sixths I had the flavour I wanted - perfect , so stopped right there ! ( Four sixths is of course two thirds , but for the sake of adding sugar by degrees to get the flavour just right working it out in sixths is sensible as it gives smaller steps for adjustment . Water : the amount of water used is half a cup per kilo of fruit . Repeat the next part of the process as for plums above : I start the cooking by placing the total water required in the pot and then gradually add the fruit to it so that the fruit mush can build up slowly as it cooks . Once the mush is done you can break the jam making process overnight if you want to but do be sure to keep track of the quantity of fruit you started with so that you know how much sugar you 'll need when you set to work on it again ! When the sugar is being added take care not to let the sugar sit on the bottom of the pot as it can rapidly caramelise which will spoil your jam . If it catches , empty the pot into a clean one and continue on from there . If left it will spoil not only the colour but also the flavour of your delicious jam . Once the sugar has dissolved the heat can be turned up as the jam needs to boil briskly before it will be ready to set . Test for readiness in the usual way . Most people prefer Moorpark apricots for any kind of preserves . The first lot was in 2009 and were Ettrick Gold , a variety which no doubt has its origins in an Ettrick orchard , which is where these ones were from . I found both very good , but the first batch was especially pleasing . I wrote in my notebook : " Flavour could NOT be bettered - !!! - SCRUMPTIOUS ! ! ! " No kidding ! I was surprised at my own success as this was the first time I had made apricot jam . Since then I 've used Moorpark , simply because they were available and the others were not . All of it has had that superb sun - ripened flavour which is so rare in shop bought fruit . May yours be as good ! Refer also to my more recent article : Apricots ~ gold , gold , gold MIXED FRUIT AND OTHER JAMS : Some fruit combines very well , such as various berry fruits , and once you get comfortable making plain jam you 'll feel confident about experimenting further , I 'm sure . Last summer I had some crab - apple jelly that wasn 't all that flavoursome , so I simply added it to the pot of plum jam I had on the stove and it became delicious . I didn 't need to work out any additional sugar as it had already been ' jammed ' . Some weeks ago a neighbour gave me a big bag of yellowish - green plums which someone had given her . She 'd used what she wanted but there was still a lot left . Not having any idea how they would turn out but wanting to have a go , I gratefully accepted them . It 's all food ! I duly cooked them up , and got nineteen pots of golden jam ! It 's yummy actually , and tastes a bit like lemon honey ! Making jam is straightforward but somewhat time - consuming . It also requires a reasonable amount of attention so I allow a few hours each time I cook up a batch in a stockpot - sized saucepan . That sized pot will take about four kilos of fruit , which is enough to make the effort worthwhile . The reward is that you then have a supply of a dozen or so jars of jam which will last the household for weeks and weeks ! It 's a good idea to write down your quantities and ratios in a notebook so that you can be sure of being consistent , or of being able to do it differently if you want a different result next time . For this reason I always label my jars with the type , batch number and date . It has turned out to be surprisingly useful . Here is a general method : Get your jars all clean and lined up . I 've found that one kilo of fruit will make between two and three jars of jam of the sort that originally held about 400 grams of whatever it was they first contained . This will give you a rough idea of how many jars you 'll need . Wash and prepare your fruit for cooking , removing any stones , cores or skins that you don 't want to eat . An exception to this is plums , the stones and skins which I remove after they have floated free in the cooking process - refer to notes below . Make sure you also remove any ' bad ' bits . Weigh your fruit once you 've prepared it as much as you are going to prior to cooking , and write down your total . Work out the sugar needed according to the ratio you decide on . Again , refer to the following article for the schedule I use . Mostly , five parts of fruit to four parts of sugar is about right , or if you prefer it a little sweeter , six parts of fruit to five parts of sugar . Write down the ratio you decide on and the total needed . To check your sums , the quantity of sugar should usually be less than the amount of fruit . Weigh your sugar and put it to one side as you won 't need it immediately . Work out how much water you 'll need and put it in the pot . Generally speaking jam requires only a very small amount , say about half a cup per kilo of fruit . More than that and you 'll find it takes a long time for the liquid jam to reduce enough to set . Most fruit turns into a watery pulp very quickly , and can then cook in its own juice . Add your fruit to this small amount of water bit by bit . This gives the fruit time to contribute its own moisture and get mushy before adding more , which makes it much easier to manage and reduces the possibility of it catching on the bottom of the pot . Keep stirring it so that it doesn 't catch . If it does catch , immediately decant fruit into another container and clean the burnt area out of your pot before putting the fruit back into it as the burnt flavour can easily ruin your jam , which should taste delectable . Remove any stones and skins that weren 't removed prior to cooking , such as with plums . These float free in the cooking process . Remove them either by fishing them out with a slotted spoon in conjunction with a dining fork , or by sieving them . I put the waste stones and skins into a sieve placed over a large bowl to collect any residual juice . You 'll note that I haven 't yet got to adding the sugar ; this is because it 's wasteful to discard sweetened stones and skins but also because everything can rapidly become very sticky , and yes , I 've made this mistake ! Your fruit will now be a fairly even liquid . Bring it to a nice boil . Add your sugar - gradually . It will look an astronomical amount but if you have done your sums correctly you will know that it is the right amount - which demonstrates the value of having written everything down ! Stir briskly over a medium heat taking care not to allow undissolved sugar to sit on the bottom of the pot where it can easily catch . Again , if it does catch , immediately empty the pot and clean as above . Add a knob of butter to reduce any foam that forms on the surface . The fruit will need to simmer at a rolling boil for some time before it becomes ready to set . The length of time can depend on the amount of water used as well as the amount of natural setting agents in the fruit . Keep it moving . This can be a good time to catch up on some reading while keeping the fruit moving or of watching something on the tele if you have one in the kitchen . As your jam nears readiness for bottling put your jars into a sink full of really hot water , and the lids into a heatproof bowl filled with the same so that they are ready for action . Refer back to the guidelines in the article on pop - top jars . Testing for setting readiness : the usual test is to put a small spoonful onto a saucer and leave it to cool somewhat ; once cooled , you draw a spoon across it and if it 's ready to set the surface of the jam will have formed a ' skin ' which will wrinkle as you do so . However , I 've never got the hang of this ! I go by the look and the sound of it . The bubbles begin to resemble ball bearings , which get bigger , some approximating marble size , and will hiss and ' plup ' a little . It can take quite some time for it to reach this stage , but it will . The boiling jam will still look unbelievably runny . Later note : this is certainly true for plum jam whereas apricot and gooseberry jam need to become somewhat more porridge - like before they are likely to set properly . If you 're doing this for the first time you might want to do a smallish batch first to get a clearer idea of what works best for you . Once this point is reached your jam is ready to bottle , so go to it ! You needn 't fill the jars to the very top , but near to it is good and the pop - top lids will click down more readily . I stand filled and capped jars straight back into the sink of hot water but do not immerse them above their shoulders , so that no water seeps in before they properly seal . Wash the jars as soon as possible as they will be sticky ! ! ! Your jam should set overnight . It can be useful to put a small quantity into a jam dish which will enable you to see easily whether it has set of not . The whole batch will be much the same . The jars can be tested by tilting or turning them upside down . The jam shouldn 't slide around too much , or may set completely . If it does , this can usually be rectified by re - boiling it . Some recipes recommend the addition of Pectin to address this problem , which I haven 't used , but it is available at supermarkets , so it is not difficult to get or mysterious . Making jam and preserves is easy , basically line up your jars , fruit and sugar , clean the fruit , chop it up in the way that pleases you , and cook it . Once it 's cooked to your satisfaction , pack it into really hot clean pop - top jars , screw the lids on carefully and that 's it - well , pretty much . I 'll give more detailed instructions in the following article but that 's the basic routine , so don 't be put off by not having done it before or not having anyone to help you . The main thing is to give it a go . It really isn 't difficult . A big motivator for me in recent years has been economy : our small income has needed to go a very long way , and I became aware of loads of fruit that was just going to waste in other people 's gardens because they had more than they needed or didn 't want it at all . It 's staggering how much fruit simply rots on the ground for lack of interest ! Last summer the fruit I came by for the price of polite enquiry and careful thanks included the following : gooseberries from the gardens of friends , windfall plums from the tree at the end of the property here , pears from the neighbours of my sister , and apples from the back garden of someone down the road who was going to mow up what I didn 't take ( ! ) , and black boy peaches from my mothers tree . Of the years supply of jam and preserves I put away last summer , I bought only the apricots and nectarines , and even they were local ! What bounty ! Supporting local growers was another strong motivator , even though it was only the apricots and nectarines . Did you know that ' Oak ' , one of the main producers of canned apricots in this country doesn 't use any New Zealand grown apricots at all ? What you buy at the supermarket will come from one of three places : China , the Mediterranean , or South Africa . This is completely mad , when we have the best apricots in the world , sun - ripened within a hundred miles of here ! Apparently there are not enough , and growers are progressively taking out apricot trees and other stone fruit and replacing them with grapevines . This shows how vital our purchasing from local orchards is if we want to be able to continue buying New Zealand grown fruit . I adore apricots ! Which would you rather have ? This week I priced New Zealand grown apricots at the supermarket , and they were $ 7 per kilo , rather a lot . Last February I purchased them by the box at the Farmers market direct from the growers . From memory each box contained 7 kilos , and the boxes cost $ 18 each , a lot less , so it helps to know when they come into season properly and to look around for the best price and / or greatest opportunity . The combination of summer and festive gatherings brings many out of doors to party . Which is fine up to a point , and then not . An all day session at a household up the road was fairly well contained til evening when it seemed that tempers frayed and judgement blurred . Out backed the ever - noisy car - noisier this time ; the air filled with screaming tyres and clouds of smoke - burnout ! Oh God , not again ! Off he went down the street , ripping the inside out of his engine and the outside off his tyres . Back he came , slung the car through a U - turn , crashing across the side of the footpath , paused , then made an attempt at turning in the gate . Missed . Crunch . Tried again and made it , sort of . Turned the engine off and sat in his car , the stereo blaring . A woman came out of the house and talked to him with the evident intention of calming him down , her hand on his arm . Well good , but this man is obviously drunk as well as dangerous - to use a car with that degree of misjudgement and violence puts others at risk . Fearful that he would take the car back out on the road I phoned the police . They took the details but didn 't have ' a unit ' in the area at the time . Half an hour later they phoned back and asked how things were . All quiet at that point . The light faded and the evening drew on . I was about to settle down to watch tele when the front door of the said house banged and argument erupted . I turned out the light and pushed back the curtain . The man got into his car . Eek ! I picked up the phone . Out he backed , across to the wrong side of the road . " Yup , there he goes again " I informed . Tyres screamed once more . " He 's not moving ; he 's disappearing in a cloud of smoke . " The advice down the phone was to lay a complaint in the morning , and that was it . I kept watching . Unbelievably , tyres continued screaming , then died down though the revs continued . A car glided from around the corner behind him and paused . Was the driver waiting to see if it was safe to pass ? I couldn 't see much in the gloom . Then the Christmas lights came on : red - blue - red - blue - red - blue . Beautiful ! People poured out of the house , rowdy . Another car growled up the street from the other end and more Christmas lights came on . Even better . Our usually quiet street was full of people : loud laughter , angry outbursts , bad language , excuses and commentary , pleasant but stern directives from the police . " No burn - outs here " came the boastful disclaimer . The driver became progressively less cocky as tyre marks were photographed , the tow truck arrived , and finally he was handcuffed and put in the back of the police car . Off they drove . Good . Off drove the towie , laden with the offending car . Everyone else went back inside and quiet settled on the street once more . We won 't see that car for a while : thanks to sensible legislators and competent police there will be automatic impoundment for a month for ' sustained loss of traction ' . The driver will probably be set back about a grand and a half , and loose his licence for a while . All this for wont of a little moderation and self - restraint . Too heavy ? I don 't think so . Having nearly died myself from being hit by an out - of - control car , I am only too well aware of the disaster that can be the consequence of this sort of behaviour . Far better that such drivers and their vehicles are off the road for a time and carry the consequences themselves rather than inflict them on others . Since leaving home at the age of twenty I 've moved so many times I sometimes wonder if I 'll ever settle down . The longest I 've stayed anywhere was about eight years and the shortest just weeks , but for the time I lived at each of these places they were ' home ' . The most common length of time I 've stayed put has been about two years ; stretching it out to three has more than once come to seem like overstaying the value of the place . It 's nearly two years since we moved to this place - uh - oh , I wonder if the green light will be coming on soon , meaning the green light ' to go ' . I am even a known customer of an especially good - to - deal - with removals company , Conroy Removals , which has handled the job for me four times now , and I know to within a couple of metres exactly how much stuff I have to move from one place to the next . I have the whole routine down pat , down to the boxes stacked flat in the end of the garage all ready for next time . . . What a lot there always is to do , and once moved such a lot to adjust to : new place , new landlord , new neighbours , new places to explore and get the hang of . . . I 've been a tenant all this time , not by design , but rather from the lack of it , because for many reasons , some practical , some mere distractions , I 've never been sufficiently motivated to buy my own place . This is a pity because the opportunity to do so has now passed , for the meantime . All this has left me with a lot to say about renting , and given that I 'm looking back over several decades it 's taken me a while to pick my words . I want to talk mostly about renting a whole dwelling rather than being a flatmate as this is the situation I 've been in most frequently in recent years . Overall I 've been relatively fortunate in that I 've usually found something suitable when I 've needed to , but there have been times when it has seemed like a close shave between that and nothing as most rentals I 've looked at have been impossible , to put it mildly . I have my list of requirements of what a place must provide even to be considered : proximity to shops and transport , good access , the right number of rooms , and it must be clean , sunny , warm and quiet . And have a garage . Then there 's the landlord requirement : if I don 't like him or her it 's a ' no ' as this is one relationship that needs to go well . It 's all a lottery , but if I start out by having gone through my list to my own satisfaction it does increase the chances of us being comfortable there . Thank God and the previous Labour Government for mandatory standard tenancy agreements , yet even with these in place there are always details to be worked out which can test the nerves of an anxious tenant or wary landlord . I 've had my share of tense moments and had to argue about what seemed to me to be very basic issues . Fortunately so far these problems have been able to be worked through . On the level of requiring more significant financial outlays I 've been confounded by out of date locks which really aren 't considered secure any more , decaying bathrooms , and not enough power points or phone jacks . Then there is the question of décor in which tastes differ so greatly : awful curtains , depressing light fittings , ghastly carpet , and so on and so on . Over the years I 've got better at handling this sort of thing , of making changes where possible , such as replacing curtains and light fittings , and doing what maintenance I can myself , and in the face of landlord indifference , have attempted to disregard the rest . But this is silly . Why isn 't the landlord seeking me out and asking me what needs doing , what would make a difference to me ? I 'm actually paying him ( or her ) and yet relentlessly get the distinct impression that despite my best efforts of communicating with politeness and tact that my point of view and my needs are acknowledged grudgingly , or worse , drift off into some kind of void . I find this extremely irksome . I hate having to ask for anything , even directions . I 'd far rather own my own place , but since that isn 't possible I have to make the best of what amounts to someone else being much more in control of my home than I am happy with . And yet when I leave they are happy to write me glowing testimonials in which they volunteer that we treated their place " as if it were their own home " . This is a compliment , by the way , a fairly large one . So why haven 't they been coming to the party a bit more significantly while we were living there ? From what I 've seen of other tenants carryings - on being a landlord can carry quite high risks : a smallish portion of tenants are rowdy and disruptive , dirty or simply stop paying the rent , all of which is onerous , yet those of us who are careful , clean , considerate and always pay our rent on time get charged the same amount , and seemingly receive the same level of service , if you could call it that . I would call it the ' as little as possible ' service . Sigh . . . Of all the landlords I 've had over the years , one set stands out : R and E : have a bouquet , you know who you are ! If only there were more of you . You could show the rest a thing or two ! In three instances in which home owners have generously rented me room in their homes I have been more than fortunate and indeed have formed lifelong friendships : V and J , a bouquet to each of you also . And Rewi , well , we just keep on being friends , for which I 'm grateful . You 've been getting your bouquets ! Thanks to all of you for all the laughter and good times as well as for your kindness and generosity in the less rosy patches . Perhaps because our daily lives were more closely entwined there was more of a sense of us doing things together , not just revolving around day - to - day living , but also doing things for the property , making it nicer . I felt included , which felt good . I would like to see a great deal more of this approach in landlord - tenant relations generally . I 've always contributed a lot to the places I 've lived in ; now I want more back for me . Posted by I 've been interested in housing from an early age . I used to watch Dad as he worked on rebuilding our family home bit by bit . He had already built one home and the renovation of our place was to continue over many years . I became accustomed to thinking about room size , proportions , orientation to the sun , and spatial arrangement generally . I was fascinated by how building plans could show the basis of what was to come later . I also became interested in what materials were used and how , their durability . I loved to watch Dad as he exerted his strength and skill to build the structures which had first taken shape in his mind . He was not easily satisfied with his own efforts or those of others . Sometimes I was permitted to help but mostly I just watched , taking in the way his body moved as he swung the hammer , or the rhythmic smoothness with which he planed a length of timber , the sensitivity with which his big strong beautifully shaped hands caressed surfaces , searching out alignment or imperfections . I became accustomed to considering how things worked and whether maintenance would be straightforward or awkward . I learnt the need for regular and timely maintenance as well as cleaning which keeps things in good working order . Dad had a keen sense of aesthetics which made him careful with design , proportions and finishes . He liked large windows to maximise the view and interesting ceiling lines for a sense of space and airiness ; he favoured the light uncluttered lines and tones characteristic of Swedish design and as a result that house was certainly gracious if rather chilly . Dad wasn 't susceptible to cold whereas I am . In hindsight the addition of some Swedish thinking about insulation could have made a difference , but for what it was it was unarguably an attractive and unusual house ! I learnt from my father 's mistakes as well as his successes . It was a great education . When looking at homes now I notice all these things . I am also rapidly aware of whether a place functions in a healthy way or not as I 've always been sensitive to settings and affected by noise and atmosphere , so for me to feel comfortable in a place it has to be harmonious and satisfying in a wide variety of ways . Our home was set on a large tree - clad hillside property , and as the years passed the gentle wilderness of the garden which I had always loved became even more of an influence than the house ; it became a retreat from a household of teenage tensions as well as a creative outlet . Contact with nature provided nurture . Both were vital , however , and my interest in the twin subjects of house and garden is firmly intertwined in my sense of what constitutes home . The Maori people have a special word for the place where we belong : it is turangawaiwai ( pronounced ' too - rung - ah - wye - wye ) , which means place of standing . It is the place not only where we feel that sense of belonging , but also where others know we belong . It may include the surrounding land and landmarks as well as the nearest body of water such as a river , beach or bay . My sense of belonging certainly included both the hill on which our home stood and the vast bay of the Pacific which it overlooked . In a way that might seem odd it also included the sky , which from that place seemed more vast than anywhere else I know , touching the edge of outer space as well as the distant horizons . The prospect of the nearby hills , the village below , and nearer still the leafy groves of our own garden anchored me in the landscape and provided the balance of human scale . That was the place in the world where I knew I belonged , how I oriented myself , where I felt safe . If everyone had such a sense of place how very different the world would be . My life changed dramatically when I left home as a young adult and some years later that property was sold . I lost this anchor and have yet to find another such place , or indeed any sense of having my own place of standing . I feel dislocated , not in an everyday sense , but at a deeper level . I have often dreamt of being back there , but in these dreams I am usually an interloper . In other dreams I do belong there but other people are there who shouldn 't be . In others I decide to buy it back , and when I 've woken up I 've seriously considered it , but even if I could it would be fruitless - that property and the surrounding landscape is different now and would not suit me at all . The resulting undercurrent in me is one of unease and reflects the deeply troubling concern of where I belong , a vexed questions which remains unanswered . My only solace lies in recognising that for the time my family owned that place it does still belong to me ; for that portion of history it is my home and that remains unchanged . All the same , I 'd like have another such place to call my own to live in - now ! The search continues , but it would seem that like True Love it is not there simply for the plucking , but must come in its own time . . . Housing is a central interest of mine , and because it is a big subject I will write about it in parts . I want firstly to describe this aspect of my childhood , secondly , to air some thoughts about renting versus property ownership along with some ideas about different ways property could be managed and / or owned , and thirdly I 'll look at the issue of poverty . Housing is a matter of primary importance to all of us , and I am still looking for solutions . Any contributions on the subject will be welcomed . This glorious rose is a prominent feature in our front garden and the source of much pleasure . When I pruned it last winter I left it fairly leggy hoping it would grow to a good height , and it has - at present it stands at least six feet tall and is flowering more abundantly than ever before . For the first time I 've managed to get a worthy likeness of it with the digital camera : Today , not feeling much inclined but seeing the need , I went outside at intervals to uproot silverbeet plants which had gone to seed , and with great regret cut the flowery spires out of the rhubarb plant . These spires have been wonderfully sculptural , but I do want to have actual rhubarb for making those yummy rhubarb and ginger muffins ! I also secured the tomatoes with stakes and string which I 'd been putting off for ages . I long for the scope of a bigger garden so that I have the space to indulge my love of flowering plants and shrubs as well as enough room for all the edibles I 'd like to grow ! As it is the flowers keep creeping in : this spring I took out a big clump of Shasta daisies to make room for climbing beans , only to replace it with a burgeoning younger bush of my glorious Tequila Sunrise , the product of the only cutting I 've ever managed to ' strike ' from the parent plant . It had been in a pot and needed planting ; I had been wondering where to put it ! So the bean frames are flanked by Shasta daisies at each end and embellished by a rose bush in the middle . I must say they all look beautiful , but it remains to be seen how many beans we harvest ! The Rushleigh Chronicles are about wholesome , thrifty , sustainable living , good entertainment , philosophical debate and spiritual reassessment . I share constructive ways of looking at life , skills for creative work in the kitchen and garden and some of my own stories . I often mention book titles and films , and from time to time , music . All articles and photographscopyright to Leigh C Russell .
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A treasure box of practical domestic skills : preserves , cooking , baking , thrifty housekeeping , gardening and garden design , sustainability and some of my own stories . Other topics covered are the Christchurch earthquakes , exploration of the beach and rock pools , walks and rambles . The latest series is entitled ' Elderly and dependent ' . Older viewers may remember Zeta - Jones as the seductive Mariette in the television series " The Darling Buds of May " . In this movie she is more beautiful and seductive than ever and an alluring match in looks and temperament to Clooney . Her character , Marilyn Rexroth , is diligently working her way to financial independence by way of serial divorce . Clooney 's character , Miles Massey , is the divorce lawyer acting for her husband . They each have some marvellous lines ! Mr Rexroth confides to Miles that his wife has him between a rock and a hard place , to which Miles responds crisply " That 's her job - you should respect that , " which is , shall we say , refreshingly unexpected ! He 's the man in charge and no one is likely to forget it . I 'm not easily impressed by good - looking men but was very much entertained by Clooney 's interpretation of this quick - witted , dental - hygiene - obsessed and somewhat supercilious character . Clooney clearly enjoyed the role and sends it up just enough to make Miles funny rather than aggravating . And I must confess that the sight of him in green and red tartan took even my breath away . Must be my Scottish ancestry getting the better of me ! I liked Branagh in this movie . His character , Peter McGowan , is a playwright in the doldrums , and at this point in his career he doesn 't seem to be able to write , sleep or satisfy his wife , and then the neighbour gets a dog - which barks at night . I think most of us can identify with at least one of these problems , possibly more . As an Englishman domiciled in the leafy suburbs of Los Angeles , our thwarted playwright vents his frustrations in a blisteringly un - American manner very much at odds with those around him . Clearly he has a sufficiently substantial reputation and wealth not to be inconvenienced by those he might offend ! The scene in which he is interviewed on television is one to treasure ! Coming the other way , his chance meeting with a dis - affected screenplay writer shows the boot on the other foot . McGowan , while surprised and taken a - back , takes it in his stride . What I particularly liked about this movie was that Branagh and Penn portray a couple who clearly love each other and want to be together despite their difficulties , which you don 't often see in movies - usually the storyline is either entirely given over to the chase , or it 's all on - or all off . This is a very nicely crafted movie and of these four seemed the closest to real life . " Something 's gotta give " ( 2003 ) starring Jack Nicholson and Diane Keaton : By chance I watched this movie after the one above , and it is also about a languishing playwright ! This time that role goes to the woman . While I enjoyed watching these two great actors I never forgot I was watching a movie made up about two fictional characters , so it lacked the realism of the Branagh movie . Good entertainment though . " Whatever works " ( 2009 ) written and directed by Woody Allen ; starring Larry David ( of " Curb your Enthusiasm " fame ) and Evan Rachel Wood , supported by Patricia Clarkson : I loved this movie - it 's so Jewish , so Woody Allen . He 's scathingly intelligent , determinedly depressed , tied up in anguished knots about the meaningless randomness of life , yet still possessing an off - beat generosity - if of a morose variety ! Woody expresses himself through the character of Boris , played by Larry David , a man of advanced middle age and decidedly knobbly knees , who invariably sings Happy Birthday as he washes his hands , an eccentric . An essential feature of any Woody Allen movie is the innocent and as yet unformed young woman , in this case played by Evan Rachel Wood , who is the perfect foil for this disaffected older man . She carries off the role with an ingenuousness as convincing as it is delightful . By slow degrees she invades his world , and then , surprise , surprise , his heart . All goes well until the entrance on the scene of her mother , splendidly portrayed by Patricia Clarkson , at which point upsets occur in many directions one after another . As with the Branagh movie I enjoyed the use of theatrical devices such as the repeated use of the opening chords of Beethoven 's Fifth Symphony which heralds especially dramatic moments . The deliberately stagy quality of some of the acting is another case in point , as in Boris ' recollection of a row he had with his first wife , which is precisely the manner in which we mentally re - enact our memories of difficult situations , time after time after time - like set pieces . Woody Allen has a lot to say , and he is determined not to leave anything out , so this is a movie packed with his particular style of intellectual content and leaves the viewer in no doubt as to how he has reached the conclusion that the best way to live is to do " whatever works " . His characters as lined up at the end are so far removed in disposition and circumstance from where they started out that I laughingly agreed ! Just a few days ago I returned from being away . I had overdone things rather and as I relaxed exhaustion closed in accompanied by depression . There didn 't seem to be any point in anything at all , not even in the things that usually give me pleasure . Rest is always good of course , but having done that and finding myself still out of sorts I got out Stan Walker 's album for background music . I was doing some dull work at my desk and needed some nice sounds to keep me company . Ordinarily I enjoy the album , and this time it was okay , but when he got to ' Hallelujah ' by Leonard Cohen , I really woke up and the clouds rolled back , bless him . I 've listened to this album , " Introducing Stan Walker " a lot since buying it soon after he won Australian Idol , and there 's only one track on it I don 't especially care for , which is a good measure of success in my view . Other favourite albums which have kept me going over the years have been : " Tranquility - A Real Music Sampler " which I have listened to countless times and don 't tire of . " Evening Services " ( etc ) by Charles Villiers Stanford which is of choral music . Here is a link to " Stanford : Sacred Choral Music , Vol . 1 " ; a similar collection of his music . And from time to time , a good blast of disco music . Oh and that wonderful gutsy rock classic " Whiplash Smile " by Billy Idol ! I 'll let you into a little known secret - if you need to block out heavy bass the best thing in the world is classical organ music : wind it up and you 're in a world of your own . I discovered this one evening when I was nearly out of my mind with the neighbours interminably exploding fireworks . I think it was Virgil Fox 's recording " The Virtuoso Organ " that saved me that time . I have very strong associations with this record from my childhood when it was played with splendid effect many times over but which I didn 't fully appreciate at the time - it is rather overwhelming if you listen to it properly , and even if you don 't ! Although that particular Virgil Fox recording doesn 't seem to be available now , there are others , such as " Virgil Fox Encores " . This particular album isn 't quite what I was thinking of , but does have wonderful music on it . On the other side of the equation , the performance of music can be transformational . When I was younger I sang in the city choir and loved it . It has given me a special appreciation of the singing of others - I find myself instinctively singing along with them , even if only silently , which is often uplifting . I have to wave a flag here for Adam Lambert : it was after watching his performances on American Idol last year that I realised how important self expression is , and how little most of us allow ourselves . I found him fascinating - not only his talent , but also for his self confidence and exuberance , discipline and imagination . I was amazed at how he always seemed to know exactly where the camera was and the candour with which he let others see what they would . The other contestants seemed pale and insubstantial in comparison . I thought , good on you , Adam , and I think I should let out a little more than I do . It was at that point that I decided to set up these web logs , which have been the source of much pleasure - for me anyway . I 'm grateful for that . Thanks Adam ! Book shop links for interested NZ listeners : These links are all ( intended to be ) to CD 's . Keen listeners may wish to check for other versions and compilations . " Whiplash Smile " , for example , seems to come in a range of different ( additional ? ) tracks . This article continues on from the previous one which gives information about the process of jam - making in general . For jam the ratio I often use is around six parts of prepared fruit to five parts of sugar . If you 're not used to dealing with ratios , consider that if I applied the six to five ratio to six kilos of fruit , I would then use five kilos of sugar . This may seem excessive , especially when you 're measuring it out , but many recipes suggest equal quantities of fruit and sugar , sometimes more . Tastes differ and it 's important to get this right according to your own preference as it does make a considerable difference to the flavour . Working out ratios for any quantity of fruit : I use six parts of fruit to five parts of sugar . With gooseberries the amount of sugar used is particularly crucial as the flavour is delicate : not enough and tartness over - rides it and too much and the sweetness drowns it out . Revised notes from December 2010 : Half a cup of water per kilo of fruit is ample as although the fruit seems hard when first put on to cook it rapidly liquefies . The danger is that it may catch on the bottom before it does so . This is easily avoided by starting the cooking process by first placing your total of water in the pot and by adding the fruit to it gradually , allowing the fruit to contribute a good portion of its moisture before adding more . The fruit will go to a complete mush during the jamming process so this is fine . This is how I did mine this year and it was the best I 've yet made : it set beautifully and is mostly a delicate pinkish jelly . That it is delicious goes without saying ! In what seemed like next to no time I had a lovely jarful of jam and a little extra in a jam pot ! Perfect colour and as good a flavour as you 'd find anywhere ! The fruit is fairly costly though , so this is a special treat . I don 't remove the stones prior to cooking as the plums used have been small and it would be too fiddly . They float free in the cooking process , and can be removed either by fishing them out with a slotted spoon , or by sieving the pulp . It 's a matter of personal taste if you also remove the skins . I do . This does make it quite a long process but I 've found the results worth it . I 've found that discarded stones and skins amount to about a fifth of the original weight of the fruit , meaning that essentially the fruit to sugar ratio is about one to one , which is to say , equal in quantity . When the sugar is being added take care not to let the sugar sit on the bottom of the pot as it can rapidly caramelise which will spoil your jam . If it catches , empty the pot into a clean one and continue on from there . If left it will spoil the flavour of your delicious jam . had that written down before I started adding the sugar so that I knew exactly where I was up to at any point ! By the time I got to four sixths I had the flavour I wanted - perfect , so stopped right there ! ( Four sixths is of course two thirds , but for the sake of adding sugar by degrees to get the flavour just right working it out in sixths is sensible as it gives smaller steps for adjustment . Water : the amount of water used is half a cup per kilo of fruit . Repeat the next part of the process as for plums above : I start the cooking by placing the total water required in the pot and then gradually add the fruit to it so that the fruit mush can build up slowly as it cooks . Once the mush is done you can break the jam making process overnight if you want to but do be sure to keep track of the quantity of fruit you started with so that you know how much sugar you 'll need when you set to work on it again ! When the sugar is being added take care not to let the sugar sit on the bottom of the pot as it can rapidly caramelise which will spoil your jam . If it catches , empty the pot into a clean one and continue on from there . If left it will spoil not only the colour but also the flavour of your delicious jam . Once the sugar has dissolved the heat can be turned up as the jam needs to boil briskly before it will be ready to set . Test for readiness in the usual way . Most people prefer Moorpark apricots for any kind of preserves . The first lot was in 2009 and were Ettrick Gold , a variety which no doubt has its origins in an Ettrick orchard , which is where these ones were from . I found both very good , but the first batch was especially pleasing . I wrote in my notebook : " Flavour could NOT be bettered - !!! - SCRUMPTIOUS ! ! ! " No kidding ! I was surprised at my own success as this was the first time I had made apricot jam . Since then I 've used Moorpark , simply because they were available and the others were not . All of it has had that superb sun - ripened flavour which is so rare in shop bought fruit . May yours be as good ! Refer also to my more recent article : Apricots ~ gold , gold , gold MIXED FRUIT AND OTHER JAMS : Some fruit combines very well , such as various berry fruits , and once you get comfortable making plain jam you 'll feel confident about experimenting further , I 'm sure . Last summer I had some crab - apple jelly that wasn 't all that flavoursome , so I simply added it to the pot of plum jam I had on the stove and it became delicious . I didn 't need to work out any additional sugar as it had already been ' jammed ' . Some weeks ago a neighbour gave me a big bag of yellowish - green plums which someone had given her . She 'd used what she wanted but there was still a lot left . Not having any idea how they would turn out but wanting to have a go , I gratefully accepted them . It 's all food ! I duly cooked them up , and got nineteen pots of golden jam ! It 's yummy actually , and tastes a bit like lemon honey ! Making jam is straightforward but somewhat time - consuming . It also requires a reasonable amount of attention so I allow a few hours each time I cook up a batch in a stockpot - sized saucepan . That sized pot will take about four kilos of fruit , which is enough to make the effort worthwhile . The reward is that you then have a supply of a dozen or so jars of jam which will last the household for weeks and weeks ! It 's a good idea to write down your quantities and ratios in a notebook so that you can be sure of being consistent , or of being able to do it differently if you want a different result next time . For this reason I always label my jars with the type , batch number and date . It has turned out to be surprisingly useful . Here is a general method : Get your jars all clean and lined up . I 've found that one kilo of fruit will make between two and three jars of jam of the sort that originally held about 400 grams of whatever it was they first contained . This will give you a rough idea of how many jars you 'll need . Wash and prepare your fruit for cooking , removing any stones , cores or skins that you don 't want to eat . An exception to this is plums , the stones and skins which I remove after they have floated free in the cooking process - refer to notes below . Make sure you also remove any ' bad ' bits . Weigh your fruit once you 've prepared it as much as you are going to prior to cooking , and write down your total . Work out the sugar needed according to the ratio you decide on . Again , refer to the following article for the schedule I use . Mostly , five parts of fruit to four parts of sugar is about right , or if you prefer it a little sweeter , six parts of fruit to five parts of sugar . Write down the ratio you decide on and the total needed . To check your sums , the quantity of sugar should usually be less than the amount of fruit . Weigh your sugar and put it to one side as you won 't need it immediately . Work out how much water you 'll need and put it in the pot . Generally speaking jam requires only a very small amount , say about half a cup per kilo of fruit . More than that and you 'll find it takes a long time for the liquid jam to reduce enough to set . Most fruit turns into a watery pulp very quickly , and can then cook in its own juice . Add your fruit to this small amount of water bit by bit . This gives the fruit time to contribute its own moisture and get mushy before adding more , which makes it much easier to manage and reduces the possibility of it catching on the bottom of the pot . Keep stirring it so that it doesn 't catch . If it does catch , immediately decant fruit into another container and clean the burnt area out of your pot before putting the fruit back into it as the burnt flavour can easily ruin your jam , which should taste delectable . Remove any stones and skins that weren 't removed prior to cooking , such as with plums . These float free in the cooking process . Remove them either by fishing them out with a slotted spoon in conjunction with a dining fork , or by sieving them . I put the waste stones and skins into a sieve placed over a large bowl to collect any residual juice . You 'll note that I haven 't yet got to adding the sugar ; this is because it 's wasteful to discard sweetened stones and skins but also because everything can rapidly become very sticky , and yes , I 've made this mistake ! Your fruit will now be a fairly even liquid . Bring it to a nice boil . Add your sugar - gradually . It will look an astronomical amount but if you have done your sums correctly you will know that it is the right amount - which demonstrates the value of having written everything down ! Stir briskly over a medium heat taking care not to allow undissolved sugar to sit on the bottom of the pot where it can easily catch . Again , if it does catch , immediately empty the pot and clean as above . Add a knob of butter to reduce any foam that forms on the surface . The fruit will need to simmer at a rolling boil for some time before it becomes ready to set . The length of time can depend on the amount of water used as well as the amount of natural setting agents in the fruit . Keep it moving . This can be a good time to catch up on some reading while keeping the fruit moving or of watching something on the tele if you have one in the kitchen . As your jam nears readiness for bottling put your jars into a sink full of really hot water , and the lids into a heatproof bowl filled with the same so that they are ready for action . Refer back to the guidelines in the article on pop - top jars . Testing for setting readiness : the usual test is to put a small spoonful onto a saucer and leave it to cool somewhat ; once cooled , you draw a spoon across it and if it 's ready to set the surface of the jam will have formed a ' skin ' which will wrinkle as you do so . However , I 've never got the hang of this ! I go by the look and the sound of it . The bubbles begin to resemble ball bearings , which get bigger , some approximating marble size , and will hiss and ' plup ' a little . It can take quite some time for it to reach this stage , but it will . The boiling jam will still look unbelievably runny . Later note : this is certainly true for plum jam whereas apricot and gooseberry jam need to become somewhat more porridge - like before they are likely to set properly . If you 're doing this for the first time you might want to do a smallish batch first to get a clearer idea of what works best for you . Once this point is reached your jam is ready to bottle , so go to it ! You needn 't fill the jars to the very top , but near to it is good and the pop - top lids will click down more readily . I stand filled and capped jars straight back into the sink of hot water but do not immerse them above their shoulders , so that no water seeps in before they properly seal . Wash the jars as soon as possible as they will be sticky ! ! ! Your jam should set overnight . It can be useful to put a small quantity into a jam dish which will enable you to see easily whether it has set of not . The whole batch will be much the same . The jars can be tested by tilting or turning them upside down . The jam shouldn 't slide around too much , or may set completely . If it does , this can usually be rectified by re - boiling it . Some recipes recommend the addition of Pectin to address this problem , which I haven 't used , but it is available at supermarkets , so it is not difficult to get or mysterious . Making jam and preserves is easy , basically line up your jars , fruit and sugar , clean the fruit , chop it up in the way that pleases you , and cook it . Once it 's cooked to your satisfaction , pack it into really hot clean pop - top jars , screw the lids on carefully and that 's it - well , pretty much . I 'll give more detailed instructions in the following article but that 's the basic routine , so don 't be put off by not having done it before or not having anyone to help you . The main thing is to give it a go . It really isn 't difficult . A big motivator for me in recent years has been economy : our small income has needed to go a very long way , and I became aware of loads of fruit that was just going to waste in other people 's gardens because they had more than they needed or didn 't want it at all . It 's staggering how much fruit simply rots on the ground for lack of interest ! Last summer the fruit I came by for the price of polite enquiry and careful thanks included the following : gooseberries from the gardens of friends , windfall plums from the tree at the end of the property here , pears from the neighbours of my sister , and apples from the back garden of someone down the road who was going to mow up what I didn 't take ( ! ) , and black boy peaches from my mothers tree . Of the years supply of jam and preserves I put away last summer , I bought only the apricots and nectarines , and even they were local ! What bounty ! Supporting local growers was another strong motivator , even though it was only the apricots and nectarines . Did you know that ' Oak ' , one of the main producers of canned apricots in this country doesn 't use any New Zealand grown apricots at all ? What you buy at the supermarket will come from one of three places : China , the Mediterranean , or South Africa . This is completely mad , when we have the best apricots in the world , sun - ripened within a hundred miles of here ! Apparently there are not enough , and growers are progressively taking out apricot trees and other stone fruit and replacing them with grapevines . This shows how vital our purchasing from local orchards is if we want to be able to continue buying New Zealand grown fruit . I adore apricots ! Which would you rather have ? This week I priced New Zealand grown apricots at the supermarket , and they were $ 7 per kilo , rather a lot . Last February I purchased them by the box at the Farmers market direct from the growers . From memory each box contained 7 kilos , and the boxes cost $ 18 each , a lot less , so it helps to know when they come into season properly and to look around for the best price and / or greatest opportunity . The combination of summer and festive gatherings brings many out of doors to party . Which is fine up to a point , and then not . An all day session at a household up the road was fairly well contained til evening when it seemed that tempers frayed and judgement blurred . Out backed the ever - noisy car - noisier this time ; the air filled with screaming tyres and clouds of smoke - burnout ! Oh God , not again ! Off he went down the street , ripping the inside out of his engine and the outside off his tyres . Back he came , slung the car through a U - turn , crashing across the side of the footpath , paused , then made an attempt at turning in the gate . Missed . Crunch . Tried again and made it , sort of . Turned the engine off and sat in his car , the stereo blaring . A woman came out of the house and talked to him with the evident intention of calming him down , her hand on his arm . Well good , but this man is obviously drunk as well as dangerous - to use a car with that degree of misjudgement and violence puts others at risk . Fearful that he would take the car back out on the road I phoned the police . They took the details but didn 't have ' a unit ' in the area at the time . Half an hour later they phoned back and asked how things were . All quiet at that point . The light faded and the evening drew on . I was about to settle down to watch tele when the front door of the said house banged and argument erupted . I turned out the light and pushed back the curtain . The man got into his car . Eek ! I picked up the phone . Out he backed , across to the wrong side of the road . " Yup , there he goes again " I informed . Tyres screamed once more . " He 's not moving ; he 's disappearing in a cloud of smoke . " The advice down the phone was to lay a complaint in the morning , and that was it . I kept watching . Unbelievably , tyres continued screaming , then died down though the revs continued . A car glided from around the corner behind him and paused . Was the driver waiting to see if it was safe to pass ? I couldn 't see much in the gloom . Then the Christmas lights came on : red - blue - red - blue - red - blue . Beautiful ! People poured out of the house , rowdy . Another car growled up the street from the other end and more Christmas lights came on . Even better . Our usually quiet street was full of people : loud laughter , angry outbursts , bad language , excuses and commentary , pleasant but stern directives from the police . " No burn - outs here " came the boastful disclaimer . The driver became progressively less cocky as tyre marks were photographed , the tow truck arrived , and finally he was handcuffed and put in the back of the police car . Off they drove . Good . Off drove the towie , laden with the offending car . Everyone else went back inside and quiet settled on the street once more . We won 't see that car for a while : thanks to sensible legislators and competent police there will be automatic impoundment for a month for ' sustained loss of traction ' . The driver will probably be set back about a grand and a half , and loose his licence for a while . All this for wont of a little moderation and self - restraint . Too heavy ? I don 't think so . Having nearly died myself from being hit by an out - of - control car , I am only too well aware of the disaster that can be the consequence of this sort of behaviour . Far better that such drivers and their vehicles are off the road for a time and carry the consequences themselves rather than inflict them on others . Since leaving home at the age of twenty I 've moved so many times I sometimes wonder if I 'll ever settle down . The longest I 've stayed anywhere was about eight years and the shortest just weeks , but for the time I lived at each of these places they were ' home ' . The most common length of time I 've stayed put has been about two years ; stretching it out to three has more than once come to seem like overstaying the value of the place . It 's nearly two years since we moved to this place - uh - oh , I wonder if the green light will be coming on soon , meaning the green light ' to go ' . I am even a known customer of an especially good - to - deal - with removals company , Conroy Removals , which has handled the job for me four times now , and I know to within a couple of metres exactly how much stuff I have to move from one place to the next . I have the whole routine down pat , down to the boxes stacked flat in the end of the garage all ready for next time . . . What a lot there always is to do , and once moved such a lot to adjust to : new place , new landlord , new neighbours , new places to explore and get the hang of . . . I 've been a tenant all this time , not by design , but rather from the lack of it , because for many reasons , some practical , some mere distractions , I 've never been sufficiently motivated to buy my own place . This is a pity because the opportunity to do so has now passed , for the meantime . All this has left me with a lot to say about renting , and given that I 'm looking back over several decades it 's taken me a while to pick my words . I want to talk mostly about renting a whole dwelling rather than being a flatmate as this is the situation I 've been in most frequently in recent years . Overall I 've been relatively fortunate in that I 've usually found something suitable when I 've needed to , but there have been times when it has seemed like a close shave between that and nothing as most rentals I 've looked at have been impossible , to put it mildly . I have my list of requirements of what a place must provide even to be considered : proximity to shops and transport , good access , the right number of rooms , and it must be clean , sunny , warm and quiet . And have a garage . Then there 's the landlord requirement : if I don 't like him or her it 's a ' no ' as this is one relationship that needs to go well . It 's all a lottery , but if I start out by having gone through my list to my own satisfaction it does increase the chances of us being comfortable there . Thank God and the previous Labour Government for mandatory standard tenancy agreements , yet even with these in place there are always details to be worked out which can test the nerves of an anxious tenant or wary landlord . I 've had my share of tense moments and had to argue about what seemed to me to be very basic issues . Fortunately so far these problems have been able to be worked through . On the level of requiring more significant financial outlays I 've been confounded by out of date locks which really aren 't considered secure any more , decaying bathrooms , and not enough power points or phone jacks . Then there is the question of décor in which tastes differ so greatly : awful curtains , depressing light fittings , ghastly carpet , and so on and so on . Over the years I 've got better at handling this sort of thing , of making changes where possible , such as replacing curtains and light fittings , and doing what maintenance I can myself , and in the face of landlord indifference , have attempted to disregard the rest . But this is silly . Why isn 't the landlord seeking me out and asking me what needs doing , what would make a difference to me ? I 'm actually paying him ( or her ) and yet relentlessly get the distinct impression that despite my best efforts of communicating with politeness and tact that my point of view and my needs are acknowledged grudgingly , or worse , drift off into some kind of void . I find this extremely irksome . I hate having to ask for anything , even directions . I 'd far rather own my own place , but since that isn 't possible I have to make the best of what amounts to someone else being much more in control of my home than I am happy with . And yet when I leave they are happy to write me glowing testimonials in which they volunteer that we treated their place " as if it were their own home " . This is a compliment , by the way , a fairly large one . So why haven 't they been coming to the party a bit more significantly while we were living there ? From what I 've seen of other tenants carryings - on being a landlord can carry quite high risks : a smallish portion of tenants are rowdy and disruptive , dirty or simply stop paying the rent , all of which is onerous , yet those of us who are careful , clean , considerate and always pay our rent on time get charged the same amount , and seemingly receive the same level of service , if you could call it that . I would call it the ' as little as possible ' service . Sigh . . . Of all the landlords I 've had over the years , one set stands out : R and E : have a bouquet , you know who you are ! If only there were more of you . You could show the rest a thing or two ! In three instances in which home owners have generously rented me room in their homes I have been more than fortunate and indeed have formed lifelong friendships : V and J , a bouquet to each of you also . And Rewi , well , we just keep on being friends , for which I 'm grateful . You 've been getting your bouquets ! Thanks to all of you for all the laughter and good times as well as for your kindness and generosity in the less rosy patches . Perhaps because our daily lives were more closely entwined there was more of a sense of us doing things together , not just revolving around day - to - day living , but also doing things for the property , making it nicer . I felt included , which felt good . I would like to see a great deal more of this approach in landlord - tenant relations generally . I 've always contributed a lot to the places I 've lived in ; now I want more back for me . Posted by I 've been interested in housing from an early age . I used to watch Dad as he worked on rebuilding our family home bit by bit . He had already built one home and the renovation of our place was to continue over many years . I became accustomed to thinking about room size , proportions , orientation to the sun , and spatial arrangement generally . I was fascinated by how building plans could show the basis of what was to come later . I also became interested in what materials were used and how , their durability . I loved to watch Dad as he exerted his strength and skill to build the structures which had first taken shape in his mind . He was not easily satisfied with his own efforts or those of others . Sometimes I was permitted to help but mostly I just watched , taking in the way his body moved as he swung the hammer , or the rhythmic smoothness with which he planed a length of timber , the sensitivity with which his big strong beautifully shaped hands caressed surfaces , searching out alignment or imperfections . I became accustomed to considering how things worked and whether maintenance would be straightforward or awkward . I learnt the need for regular and timely maintenance as well as cleaning which keeps things in good working order . Dad had a keen sense of aesthetics which made him careful with design , proportions and finishes . He liked large windows to maximise the view and interesting ceiling lines for a sense of space and airiness ; he favoured the light uncluttered lines and tones characteristic of Swedish design and as a result that house was certainly gracious if rather chilly . Dad wasn 't susceptible to cold whereas I am . In hindsight the addition of some Swedish thinking about insulation could have made a difference , but for what it was it was unarguably an attractive and unusual house ! I learnt from my father 's mistakes as well as his successes . It was a great education . When looking at homes now I notice all these things . I am also rapidly aware of whether a place functions in a healthy way or not as I 've always been sensitive to settings and affected by noise and atmosphere , so for me to feel comfortable in a place it has to be harmonious and satisfying in a wide variety of ways . Our home was set on a large tree - clad hillside property , and as the years passed the gentle wilderness of the garden which I had always loved became even more of an influence than the house ; it became a retreat from a household of teenage tensions as well as a creative outlet . Contact with nature provided nurture . Both were vital , however , and my interest in the twin subjects of house and garden is firmly intertwined in my sense of what constitutes home . The Maori people have a special word for the place where we belong : it is turangawaiwai ( pronounced ' too - rung - ah - wye - wye ) , which means place of standing . It is the place not only where we feel that sense of belonging , but also where others know we belong . It may include the surrounding land and landmarks as well as the nearest body of water such as a river , beach or bay . My sense of belonging certainly included both the hill on which our home stood and the vast bay of the Pacific which it overlooked . In a way that might seem odd it also included the sky , which from that place seemed more vast than anywhere else I know , touching the edge of outer space as well as the distant horizons . The prospect of the nearby hills , the village below , and nearer still the leafy groves of our own garden anchored me in the landscape and provided the balance of human scale . That was the place in the world where I knew I belonged , how I oriented myself , where I felt safe . If everyone had such a sense of place how very different the world would be . My life changed dramatically when I left home as a young adult and some years later that property was sold . I lost this anchor and have yet to find another such place , or indeed any sense of having my own place of standing . I feel dislocated , not in an everyday sense , but at a deeper level . I have often dreamt of being back there , but in these dreams I am usually an interloper . In other dreams I do belong there but other people are there who shouldn 't be . In others I decide to buy it back , and when I 've woken up I 've seriously considered it , but even if I could it would be fruitless - that property and the surrounding landscape is different now and would not suit me at all . The resulting undercurrent in me is one of unease and reflects the deeply troubling concern of where I belong , a vexed questions which remains unanswered . My only solace lies in recognising that for the time my family owned that place it does still belong to me ; for that portion of history it is my home and that remains unchanged . All the same , I 'd like have another such place to call my own to live in - now ! The search continues , but it would seem that like True Love it is not there simply for the plucking , but must come in its own time . . . Housing is a central interest of mine , and because it is a big subject I will write about it in parts . I want firstly to describe this aspect of my childhood , secondly , to air some thoughts about renting versus property ownership along with some ideas about different ways property could be managed and / or owned , and thirdly I 'll look at the issue of poverty . Housing is a matter of primary importance to all of us , and I am still looking for solutions . Any contributions on the subject will be welcomed . This glorious rose is a prominent feature in our front garden and the source of much pleasure . When I pruned it last winter I left it fairly leggy hoping it would grow to a good height , and it has - at present it stands at least six feet tall and is flowering more abundantly than ever before . For the first time I 've managed to get a worthy likeness of it with the digital camera : Today , not feeling much inclined but seeing the need , I went outside at intervals to uproot silverbeet plants which had gone to seed , and with great regret cut the flowery spires out of the rhubarb plant . These spires have been wonderfully sculptural , but I do want to have actual rhubarb for making those yummy rhubarb and ginger muffins ! I also secured the tomatoes with stakes and string which I 'd been putting off for ages . I long for the scope of a bigger garden so that I have the space to indulge my love of flowering plants and shrubs as well as enough room for all the edibles I 'd like to grow ! As it is the flowers keep creeping in : this spring I took out a big clump of Shasta daisies to make room for climbing beans , only to replace it with a burgeoning younger bush of my glorious Tequila Sunrise , the product of the only cutting I 've ever managed to ' strike ' from the parent plant . It had been in a pot and needed planting ; I had been wondering where to put it ! So the bean frames are flanked by Shasta daisies at each end and embellished by a rose bush in the middle . I must say they all look beautiful , but it remains to be seen how many beans we harvest ! The Rushleigh Chronicles are about wholesome , thrifty , sustainable living , good entertainment , philosophical debate and spiritual reassessment . I share constructive ways of looking at life , skills for creative work in the kitchen and garden and some of my own stories . I often mention book titles and films , and from time to time , music . All articles and photographscopyright to Leigh C Russell .
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My best friend is Woody . We study at the same elementary school , and also study together at Eagle . We met at Eagle two years ago . He is tall and thin . His hair is short and his eyes are small . His nose is small , but his mouth is big . He has black short hair . He is handsome . He is ten years old and 139cm . He likes PE in school . He likes to read comic books in his free time . We read comic books together sometimes . He likes to play games on an iPad at home . He is good at running . He likes many animals , such as elephants , tigers , and monkeys . I like being with Woody , because he is funny . He always makes me happy and he will play with me after I finish my homework in Eagle . Sometimes he will let me borrow his comic books . When we study together , we like to eat cookies . We also like to play on an iPad together . We have a lot of things in common , and we spend lots of time together . That 's why Woody is my best friend . My mom always tells me to wear a bike helmet when I 'm riding a bike . She bought me a very expensive bike helmet and wants me to wear it . I really love that helmet . I like to tell everyone to wear a helmet because it keeps you safe . Even presidents wear helmets when they are riding a bike . My dad and I often go to the park to ride our bikes . But he never wears a helmet . I constantly ask him to wear one . Unfortunately he never listens to me . Maybe he thinks he is a professional . I really hope everyone can wear a bike helmet when they are riding a bike . Wearing a bike helmet is the safest way to ride . You can buy a bike helmet in a sport store or a bicycle repair store . A bike helmet is important for everyone . You also need to remember that riding a bike can keep you healthy . In conclusion , I believe that we should be required to wear a bike helmet because it definitely can save your life one day . I have had a long dream to travel and explore the world . It 's always exciting to plan a trip with my family . This summer , my dad made all of my wishes come true with a trip to the United States of America . After a long flight , we arrived in Los Angeles . I was happy because I would not need to eat disgusting food anymore . We spent a few days in L . A . seeing the sights and then caught a domestic flight to West Yellowstone . Yellowstone has many geysers and the most famous one is Old Faithful . Old faithful is very spectacular and lasts for two minutes when it erupts . Later , on our way back to the hotel , our trip was delayed by a herd of bison in the road . They moved on after two hours when park rangers shooed them away . At last , we made it back to our lodge and had a sweet dream . The following day , we stopped by a beautiful Yellowstone Lake . As we took in the scenery , something moving on the ground nearby caught my eye . After a closer look , I realized it was a snake and shouted for everyone to get back to avoid a bite . Snakes can be scary , but we were lucky to see so much wildlife on our trip . In addition to snakes and bison , we also saw : wolves , ground squirrels , deer , elk , grizzly bears , hawks , and many more . Another memorable experience was rafting on the Snake River in Grand Teton National Park . While rafting , our tour guide found a family of beavers near the river bank . We started counting and were amazed to find that there were ten in all ! During our rafting trip , we were also lucky to see a bald eagle sitting on its best . The rafting trip was awesome ! After rafting , we went to a restaurant for dinner . At the restaurant , my mother was having difficulty reading the English menu and when it came to order , she randomly chose one of the steaks on the menu . The menu did not have prices and we later learned when we went to the cashier , that my mom had ordered the most expensive food on the menu . We all had a laugh about it , but my mother felt embarrassed , so she asked me to order for her next time . Another experience 弋果 , 營隊 , 孩子 , 學習 , 俱樂部 , 美語 American Eagle 發表在 痞客邦 PIXNET 留言 ( 0 ) 人氣 ( ) My favorite holiday is Chinese New Year . Last Chinese New Year , my family and I went to play . We went to a farm where there are cows , sheep , and horses . My favorite animals at the farm are rabbits . When my mom saw a snake , she screamed ! To Celebrate Chinese New Year we went to a shooting range . My father said I could try to shoot , but the coat was too heavy for me . So , I didn 't shoot any guns . We went to an amusement park too . I played so many games and rode on so many rides . I played on a swinging boat , and carousel . Next Chinese New Year , I will celebrate with my family again . Next time , I would like to fly in an air balloon . I would like to go to see deer too . I would really like to go to Paris for Chinese New Year . Last week , I used a time machine and traveled to the world in 2080 . The year 2080 was very technologically advanced . People drove flying cars . The flying cars are faster than a Bugatti Veyron . Some rich people even had spacecraft ! Going to Mars on the weekend was very normal to them . It just takes ten minutes ! The year 2080 was technologically advanced , but the environment was awful . When I went to the beach , I didn 't see any animals or plants in the sea . I could only see animals in the zoo . The Amazon Rainforest was just about half as big as in 2016 . People didn 't have natural food . The food people ate was unnatural . I think we should stop destroying the Earth . I also gave a technology idea from the future to the government . I hope the year 2080 will become better after I do that . " Wow ! I 'm so happy about the meeting in Paris . Our grandchildren can have a good future ! " cried my teacher . Last week , one hundred and ninety countries had a climate change meeting in Paris . They agreed to control carbon emissions to stop the Earth getting hotter . Now the world is two degrees hotter than before . In Taiwan we can even see typhoons in December ! That 's so strange ! So now we must use more wind power , water power and solar power and stop using so much oil , gas and coal . We use too much coal to make power in Taichung . The air is also polluted because of burning coal . We can use the wind power instead of burning coal to get power , and in our cars we can use electricity instead of gas . Everyone needs to stop making too much CO2 in their lives . We hope this Paris meeting can protect our grandchildren and save the Earth . There are more things you can do to help save the Earth ; it 's easier than you think . Let 's start to save our world ! I woke up on a strange island . I just had a knife , some matches , and medicine . I needed to use these three things to live on this island . I used a tree and some big leaves to make a house and used bamboo to make traps to catch animals . I used big rocks to write SOS on the beach , and found some wood and matches to make a fire . I went to a beach to find some food . I used bamboo and wood to make a fishing rod to go fishing and then started a fire to make dinner . Four weeks later , I saw a cargo ship come . I used the matches to make a big fire , and the ship stopped . They took me back to my home , and my parents were very surprised . Finally , I work up again , and found out that it was just a dream . Oh , What A Dream ! My mom and dad took my brother and me to the island of Hsiao Liuchiu for our summer vacation . We woke up at 6 : 30 in the morning and drove the car to Pingtung to take the ferry . The ship was called Ta - Fu . It was very windy , so the ship went up and down on the water . It went so fast as if we were riding a Pirate ship in an amusement park . Everyone was screaming , but I laughed a lot . When we arrived on the island , my parents rented two scooters . My dad took my brother and my mom took me . That was the first time my mom drove me with a scooter . I was so excited along the way . They took us to many different places . First , we went to the beach and played in the sea . The beach was beautiful and the breeze was lovely . The waves felt so cool when they touched my feet and legs . There were many starfish and I even found a hermit crab there . I had a lot of fun playing with my brother at the beach ! My favorite site was the gazebo because I could see big turtles from there . They climbed up rocks slowly and were so cute . The military base was another interesting place we visited . It was a dark and quiet underground cave . My dad told me where cannons were before . Though I was a little scared , I thought it was exciting . I like Hsiao Liuchiu . I hope I can go back in the future ! Bye - bye , Hsiao Liuchiu . See you next time ! Taiwan 's Black Bear is very famous because there are only a few left in Taiwan . They are all black but on their neck is a white patch of fur in the shape of a " V " . They don 't grow too big but they are not that small either . They live in the high mountain forests . They are all protected by the government , so they can live happily , in freedom and safety . Besides fascinating animals , like sloths , alligators and jaguars , many kinds of interesting birds live in the Amazon rainforest . The reason the rainforest is a great habitat for birds is that there are many big , tall trees in the forest . Here birds can make their homes and they can be safe from big animals ( like jaguars ) . Two of my favorite rainforest birds are humming birds and parrots . A humming bird is a small bird that is quite different from other birds . It is very colorful , has tiny wings , a short tail and a long beak . Its main source of food is the nectar from flowers and it uses its long beak to drink it . Amazingly , the humming bird can flap its wings hundreds of times in a second . Like a helicopter , it can fly in any direction . It can even fly backwards . Did you know there are three hundred and fifty different kinds of hummingbirds ? One kind is the smallest bird in the world and is only five centimeters tall . Last summer , my mom planned a trip for my grandma and me to go to Vancouver . It was my second visit to a North American city . It was exactly what I expect it to be like . Some places are cold even in the summer . Fortunately , my grandma and I were well - prepared for such different weather . During this trip , we fully enjoyed the nature of the city and took side trips to nearby island and a ski resort called Revelstoke . Vancouver is not like Taiwan . Instead of buildings and cars , there are more mountains , lakes and greenery . Some special lakes are formed from snow that melted on the mountains . Some of the lakes are shaped like animals ! Trees are everywhere in Vancouver . The natural beauty makes this town attractive . If I could design my own perfect house , I would design it to be like a robot house . I would install all of the newest technology available and update it all the time . I would build this house somewhere in the USA so I could also have a lot of land . My robot house would be very clean and efficient . My house would be able to instantly clean up anything I throw onto the floor . If I am done with my food , I just put the plate on the floor and the house will clean it and then put the plate away by itself . It would also be able to cook , do laundry , and cut the grass all on its own . My robot house would also protect me when I am in danger . If a thief wants to go inside , the door would close and hit him in the face . Then , it would capture him as he tries to escape . That way the police can capture him and take him to jail . In the future , everyone will have a robot , but my robot will be the best ! When you are just a baby , your dad and mom will buy it for you . When your parents are not around , the robot will accompany you . You won 't be lonely . It will be just like your twin sister . My robot will be very useful . It will be for time traveling especially . When I watch TV , it will help me to stop the time . When I cannot finish my studying , it will help me . It will also be a great cleaner . It will clean the bathroom and scrub the floor . Another thing it can do will be washing my dog , including cleaning her droppings . There were two children : a girl named Kitty , and a boy named Bob . They were good friends and always played with each other . One cold winter morning , Kitty shouted , " Snow ! " Bob heard this and quickly woke up . He said , " So pretty ! " They went outside and made a snowman . Bob made a big snowball and Kitty made a small one . They put the small snowball on the big one and then put a hat on the snowman . Suddenly , their mother told them to come back , so they went home . That night , the snowman was very sad . One deer walked by . Its name was Max . Max said , " Hello , " but the snowman did not answer . Max saw that the snowman didn 't have a mouth , so Max gave him a cucumber and two chocolates . Now the snowman could see with his new chocolate eyes , and talk with the cucumber mouth . " Thank you , " said the snowman . " You 're welcome , " Max said before he went away . The next morning , Kitty and Bob were sick so they didn 't go outside . But the snowman saw a flying animal . It was a bird called Emily . " Hello ! " said Emily . " Hello " , the snowman answered . " My feathers are so soft . You can touch them ! " said Emily . " Sorry , " the snowman said , " but I don 't have hands . " He was so sad . Emily said , " I 'm going to build my nest , so I can give you two sticks to be your hands ! " She flew away and came back with the sticks . She put the sticks on the snowman . " Bye ! Bye ! " said Emily . " Bye ! " said the snowman . That night was very cold . He saw a rabbit hopping home . " Hello , my name is Dora , " said the rabbit . " Hello , I 'm Snowman , " he said . Dora asked , " Why don 't you have a nose ? " He replied , " Two children made my body , one deer gave me eyes and a mouth . A bird gave me my hands . I don 't have a nose . " Dora said , " I have some carrots . I can give you one ! " " Thank you very much ! " said the snowman . Dora placed the carrot on his face . The next morning , the kids ran outside . " A REAL SNOWMAN ! " Kitty said . " THIS IS AMAZING ! " Bob yelled . That day , the snowman was happy because he had a lot of friends .
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I also realized that there was a definite connection between my emotional state and my weight gain . In the past , I 'd tried exercise and diet programs , but nothing provided a long - term solution . I formed a theory , based on Buddhist philosophy : I would go into the emotional underpinnings , get to the source of my emotional suffering , and eliminate the causes . My approach was twofold : ( 1 ) Concentrate on understanding and healing the emotional components . ( 2 ) Totally ignore the food component , allowing my body to reach a " healing point " as my emotional health improved , and let my appetite adjust itself . This is based on the assumption that we WANT to be healthy , given a healthy environment and state of mind . I wasn 't going to go on any " diet , " wasn 't going to restrict carbs or deny myself anything . I was just going to pay attention to what I ate and what my emotional state was when I ate . I also began to change . As I peeled away the layers , I began to experience fear . The problem with looking at yourself in your own mirror is that you often don 't enjoy the reflection . You have to confront the inescapable fact that you 're less than perfect . The picture at the left is me when I reached the 258 pound mark . This was the point when I realized that everything I thought I knew about myself was a complete fabrication ; that for most of my life I 'd been a construction of other people 's expectations of what I should be . This realization triggered a lot of anger . Where was the REAL ME ? Would I peel myself down like an onion and find nothing ? Was I just a straw man ? I was at an emotional crisis . My mother had recently passed away , there were other problems within my close family , and it seemed like there was nobody but myself to rely on . In the middle of all this , I had one thing to keep me centered : my reduction program . I continued to work on my self - analysis , my weight reduction , and my spiritual studies . For a long time , I was stuck at 250 pounds , though - - I couldn 't seem to break this plateau . One day in January , during meditation , I realized that I 'd been angry for most of my life . I 've been angry at the world , at my parents , at pretty much everybody and everything . Mostly at myself though , I guess . I said it out loud , and the anger went away . Shortly thereafter , I broke through a major grief issue . I began dropping pounds again . Which brings us up to date . Oct 2004 . the picture to the left is me at 242 pounds . to the right , at 232 pounds . Currently , I weigh 225 pounds , for a total reduction of 73 pounds . You can really tell the difference in my face , I think . More detail can be found in all the past blogs . If you 're new to this section of the site , I suggest you read the Archives from the beginning . At the suggestion of a friend of mine who encouraged me to write palmistry books for Llewellyn Publications , I intend to compile this adventure into a book tentatively entitled Intuitive Weight Reduction . I hope that one day , my success will help others achieve what I 've accomplished . Now , back to the story : September 21st , 2004 . I had to retire the reduction belt and I dug out a very old belt from years ago to begin another one . REDUCTION BELT - - The Sequel ! I 'm on the verge of closing some major doors to my past and opening new ones to my future . The thing about major changes in your life is that even when you see them coming - - even when you PLAN for them - - you 're still never really ready for them when they arrive . I 'm a little stunned at all the positive things that have happened for me lately . I 'm also quite sad at some of the things I 've had to let go in order to make these things happen . Life is a lot like horse trading : be sure you check the teeth before you buy . But once you get a good nag take care of it and ride it through until the end of the course . September 23rd , 2004 . Weight is now 223 pounds , definitely on a high metabolism / plateau - crunching streak . Question is - - will I break 220 pounds within a couple of weeks ? Jason , Since I moved from my house into a smaller apartment I had to leave both my heavy bag and weight bench behind . Now I do routined martial arts katas and stretching , with brisk walks and some dumbbell lifting . Also regular ( 4 - 5 times a week ) Nordic Trac workouts . I try for at least 30 minutes a day - - usually 40 minutes - - of some kind of sweaty activity , which is good for a person in his mid forties . Considering that the rest of my day is pretty high energy , that 's all I really need . October 01st , 2004 . Weight is now 222 pounds . How ? you ask . Busy with shows , good changes in my personal world , my metabolism is incredibly high , and my outlook on life is so positive that my friends can hardly stand me . My weight is now 218 pounds . The other day I bought a new sweater , and I got a Large one and tried it on . I used to have to buy XXXL , etc from the Big Ol ' Guy section . For the past several months I 've been buying from the regular racks though . Kinda a good feeling to be back among the common people . My weight is 215 pounds now ( yesterday I dipped to 214 , and for some reason it scared me ) . I started this journey a year and a half ago at around 289 pounds . For a man who 's 5 ' 10 , a 75 pound weight loss is a significant change in body image . I 'm not even fat anymore . No - one would think of calling me names like Tubby , or Fatboy or Biggun , etc . Oh , if I had weighed 195 and was now 215 , someone might say " Putting on a few extra , aren 't you ? " But by no stretch of the imagination am I an obese man . Today I looked at a security monitor in a store and there was a slender chap walking along , easily , jauntily , one hand in his pocket . Light on his feet too , legs swinging along with no trouble at all . I realized that it was me . Sunday , I went with a good friend to a park where we had a milkshake and cheese fries . I can do things like this now and again , because I know that a onetime splurge won 't catapult me back up to my former weight . We enjoyed the peaceful autumn colors and the totally terrible - for - us food , while overhead five black crows talked about us in crow - talk . What were they saying ? I don 't know . Unlike Siegfried , I haven 't tasted the Dragon 's blood and cannot interpret bird talk . Whatever it was , it must have been hilarious , for they laughed and cawed the entire time we were there . Possibly they were commenting on the folly of human endeavors , and how twisted up we human get over matters of little significance ? our holy feast . " Feasting " by Elizabeth W . Garber , from Pierced by the Seasons © The Illuminated Sea Press , 2004 . Reprinted with permission . November 11th , 2004 . Going out for the last of my on - the - road shows today , then I 'll be in through the holidays and will be doing a series of local shows throughout the end of the year , so I 'll be posting more regularly . But I want to report that my current weight is 213 pounds . A two - pound drop . I 'll post a pic soon , my appearance has really changed since my last pic . I 've toned up quite a bit . I was afraid my skin wouldn 't firm up ; it seems to be doing so but slowly . Probably more information than you want to hear , but just be aware that if you lose a lot of weight your skin will be loose for a period of time ; you 'll wonder if you 're turning into a sharpei . As I prepare for my move to the Indiana area , ( tentatively scheduled for January 2005 ) I 'm sifting through my belongings , trying to decide what to keep and what to toss . I come across a hundred objects that remind me of my personal history . Some of these are poignant , little thoughtful reminders of people who are no longer in my life . For those of you who may be reading this , I hope you know that I 've never deliberately harmed anyone in my entire life . Sometimes I 've acted thoughtlessly and unskillfully , and for this I feel remorse , and I truly apologize for any hurt I 've caused you . There are several of you involved , and I hope you all know that you 're in my thoughts . As for my actions during the previous year , I 've only done what I felt I had to do for the best for everyone involved . This isn 't meant as an excuse , just as an explanation . November 16th , 2004 . Weight today is 211 pounds , but I don 't know if I can take the credit for this , as I had one of those 48 - hour bugs that seriously kicked my rear - end . In spite of the bug , I got a lot of exercise in this weekend too , though , so that probably helped . My moods lately have been ping - ponging . I feel really good most of the time , but have episodes of grief and sometimes fear . I think that I 'm approaching another scary weight plateau . As you may know , I believe that as you excavate weight , you uncover buried emotions . Occasionally I get into discussions with people who fuss at me whenever I have an ice cream cone , piece of pie or some potato chips . Folks , I 've been doing this for a year and a half - - this is not a whim or a phase - - it 's a lifestyle change . I 'm not afraid of failure at this point . My habits , methods of thinking , and internal patterns are rewritten . I 'm not going to be 300 pounds again ! But I know that a lot of people are extreme perfectionists , very unforgiving of themselves when they experience even the slightest deviation from their own expectations . I used to be that way myself . I would start a routine - - like an exercise program - - and if I strayed from it , even slightly , I would beat myself up . I was this way when I began my Buddhist practice . If I missed my meditation period , or slipped up and had an angry thought , or failed to observe the Precepts , I thought I was losing my Path . I always returned to my routine though , and over time , I gained confidence that I always would , no matter how often I would stray from it . Okay then - - ignore the commercialism . . Just don 't pay any attention to it . Concentrate on the great music , the cool Christmas cartoons like Rudolph and Frosty the Snowman and the Simpson 's Christmas Special . Forget about your dysfunctional family memories and create NEWER , happier memories with friends and loved ones . Who is that hooded companion who always walks with us ? is it our own mortality ? Is it that obvious ? Maybe Elliot was more subtle than that in this magnificent poem ( and if you 've never read The Waste Land , you really should ) , but for my crude purposes , it will do . Life 's too precarious a proposition to spend ONE SECOND of it unhappy or unfulfilled . None of us is a helpless victim of fate ; we can craft something magnificent of our lives if we choose . If there 's something you don 't like - - change it . If there 's bad associations in you toward certain aspects of the world - - create new associations . The mind and heart of a human being has an almost infinite resiliency . If nothing else , find someone who needs help and for goodness sake - - help them . It feels good . December 04th , 2004 . I went through my closets and drawers today to pick out old clothes that no longer fit ( I gave them to Goodwill ; my Mitzvah for the day ! ) and for some reason this triggered an outpouring of grief . Looking into it , I realized that some of these clothes went back several years . I had many memories clinging to them ; lots of associations , both fond and painful , reminiscences of the OLD ME . A wise friend reminded me that even when we make a positive change we tend to mourn the loss of the old US . As I prepare to say goodbye to my apartment , which I always knew was just a resting point for me as I moved to the next leg of my journey toward wherever my destiny takes me - - in this case , toward a less lonely and more loving phase of my life in a town called Bloomington in Indiana - - and as I realize that I 'm five pounds away from my initial goal weight with almost a full month to go to reach it , before the beginning of a New Year , I 'm filled with wonder at the possibilities that lie ahead of me for recreating my new life . But at the same time , I say farewell to someone I lived with for a long time , not always happily but most always with love , and as I let go of the bits and pieces of the person I once was - - a heavier , more confused and much unhappier ME - - I find that I mourn for that person - - the old me - - as I would an old friend . Goodbye old buddy , rest in peace , man . You went through a lot , and you deserve your rest . My son has grown from a fine boy into a man of whom I 'm proud . I 'm not worried about him ; he 's gonna do great . He has his battles to fight , and he 'll win his share and lose some , but he knows that I 'm just a phone call away if he needs someone to watch his back . I love you Jonathan , never forget that . December 16th , 2004 . Holding fairly steady at 204 - 206 pounds , although I will admit to a bit of holiday overindulgences involving pistachios , chocolate , and other goodies at times . I have been under a lot of stress lately , preparing for my move , trying to keep up with a busy performance schedule , and I 've been hired as a consultant for a series of specials for The Learning Channel . I can 't talk about the nature of these specials yet , but they are ground - breaking entertainment . Don 't know if I 'll hit 200 pounds by the New Year or not , but I 'm not really putting myself under a deadline . I was talking with a friend of mine last night about the nature of love , and as I usually do , I thought about the similarities of love and life . My friend said that he had a younger buddy who had fallen in love with a girl ( let 's call her Becky ) and all he could talk about was how much he loved her . " I really love Becky ; " I can 't tell you how much I love Becky ; " " Words cannot describe my love for Becky . " Ha ha - - Intoxication ! Of course , this is the part of being in love where you can 't see the part of your beloved that 's flawed . I pointed out that in a little while , a disillusionment phase will kick in and he 'll notice the little flaws in Becky 's perfection : that Becky 's feet stink for instance . Ha ha haa . Okay , so that ain 't exactly Shakespeare , but the point is made . You love someone , not in spite of their flaws , but often because of them . How often do we say to ourselves , " I 'm not lovable because of ______ fill in the blank . " Does it occur to us that those little cracks and warps and irregularities that we find so unacceptable in ourselves are the very things that make us unique and outstanding individuals ? December 24th , 2004 . In my life I 've had two sons : One has two legs and is named Jonathan . One had four legs and was named Checkers . He was a cat , and he died several years ago . Now I 'm going to tell you a Christmas story , one that took place a few months after my cat Checkers died . If you 've read this narrative , you know that I was very close to this cat . He suffered a long illness , and when he finally died I didn 't deal with it very well . In fact , it took me more than two years to finally let him go . So the Christmas eve after his death , my wife at the time and I had returned from Midnight mass at her church and were sitting in our living room . She had made a memorial stocking for Checkers that hung over the fireplace with a portrait of him on it . It was a very good likeness ; she had sewn it from various fabrics . I sat in a chair , thinking of Checkers , and my state of mind wasn 't good . My wife had long ago quit trying to talk to me about it . There was nothing that anyone could say to me to make me feel better . I was beyond consolation . I noticed our other cat , Oliver ( that 's his picture to the left ) , sitting in front of the fireplace , staring at the stocking . He stared at it for a long time , several minutes in fact . Long enough to attract my attention . Then he turned and looked at me . Next , he looked at a spot on a chair where Checkers used to like to lay , then at another spot on the window sill where he sat to look outside . I realized that Oliver was remembering Checkers , and grieving for him . All the time I was grieving for Checkers , it never had occurred to me that Oliver was missing him too . Checkers had come to live with us as a kitten , and Oliver had raised him . The two of them had been brothers . Oliver jumped around , in that way that cats do , and walked out of the room . I followed him . He walked to different spots in the house , reflecting - - the end of the bed where Checkers slept ; a couple of places where he liked to nap ; favorite hiding spots , following a chain of memories . After a while , I couldn 't stand to watch him any longer . I went back into the living room . What can you say to a cat ? What words can you say to a cat to ease the pain of loss ? Oliver came into the living room and jumped into my lap . I held him and said , " I 'm sorry , Oliver . I 'm sorry , Boy . I miss him too . " People who don 't know anything about cats don 't realize that cats have very expressive faces . They can convey a wide variety of emotions . Make one mad , and see if this isn 't true . Oliver , with his animal instincts giving him a more direct connection with the mysteries of life and death , looked me straight in the eye and SMILED . Sorry for the long delay in posting . I haven 't really dropped off the face of the earth - - just been busy moving to Indiana and waiting for my life to settle down . I 've been working as a consultant for the Learning Channel while trying to perform , move and juggle other personal things , and simply haven 't had time or the resources to blog what 's been going on . How 's my weight , you ask ? Holding steady , I 'm afraid - - no loss to report , because I 've been under so much stress with moving , etc that I didn 't want to add to my stress by trying to reduce down . So I 'm still around 206 pounds . I 'm now settled in Bloomington Indiana where it 's very cold and there 's a lot of snow . I 'm going to begin a rigorous exercise program this year and build muscle mass . Part II of the rebuilding of JR . February 7th , 2005 . I find myself in the middle of so many projects that I 'm a bit overwhelmed . I 'm working on two books - - one on Palmistry , one on Weight Reduction - - trying to establish myself as a serious player in the Midwestern corporate market , working as a consultant for a series for The Learning Channel , and also trying to keep my irons in the fire of my past clients . All this and new romance is enough to keep a fellow busy . My weight is holding steady in spite of the tendency to want to eat a lot due to the stress of major life changes . I 've found that I tend to crave chocolate when I 'm stressed , and up until recently I assumed it was the marijuana - like drug it contained for which I was jonesing . But guess what ? Recent studies have shown that the concentration of THC in Chocolate isn 't sufficient to explain the craving we have . In a blind study , three groups were tested . One group had the straight drug in the concentration found in chocolate ; one had pure chocolate BUT IN CAPSULES , SO THEY COULDN ' T TASTE IT ; and the third got to enjoy the chocolate in its pure form . So there you have it . Taste , one of our most evocative senses ( and related to smell , to which we often bond memories ) can affect our emotional state . This shouldn 't be surprising . Other polls have shown that men 's favorite comfort foods include spaghetti and popcorn - - in other words , foods with both a powerful taste and strong emotional connotation . Emotion is a complicated thing . I don 't think an emotion has its roots in any single component within us . Its roots go deep , and in myriad directions ; smell , taste , touch , sound . Memories , some long forgotten , but the emotional imprint remains . If you try to trace the interconnections you 'll probably drive yourself crazy . Sometimes it 's just best to observe your feelings and accept them for what they are - - a fleeting mental state . February 7th , 2005 . I don 't think we ever attain a perfect " cruising altitude " within this world ( i . e . ; a permanent level of comfort ) , at best we achieve levels of relative comfort . The happiest sensations of which we 're capable is a reduction of suffering , not a total cessation . So in this case we 're kinda like the chap we come across who 's hitting himself in the head with a hammer . " Why do you do that ? " we ask . " Because it feels so good when I stop ! " he replies , and it makes perfect sense . We 're never completely happy , just relatively so : " I hurt less now than I did yesterday - - feels good ! " I think about this when I sit on my meditation mat and I settle into a perfect , comfortable position . It feels great for a few minutes , but soon , I 'm not comfortable anymore and I want to shift to a new position . I learn from this that there 's no inherently comfortable position on my mat . Or in reality . After all , the Buddhist term for this world is Samsara , which literally means " Wandering " or " Moving . " The very word implies restlessness and fidgeting . So it ain 't surprising that at time we slip , backslide or fall . We take three steps forward and two back . Sometimes the sheer friction of all that Wandering wears us out , and when we 're tired we tend to see things in a negative light . Fortunately , when that happens to me , I whine and complain to my Significant Other and she pats me on the head and gives me a cookie , and suddenly my suffering diminishes . However , I 'm a man who asks very little of life . The news ( neither good nor bad , just news ) is that everything is cyclic and that it changes . We 're taught that there 's always an undercurrent of suffering underlying even the happiest of moments . But ( since truths tend to be symmetrical ) sometimes I think that we neglect to notice that the mirror of this is also true : that even in the darkest of moments there 's an undercurrent of hope , that even the most intense suffering transforms into lack - of - suffering if we don 't force it and wait patiently , and we can observe the process and understand the WHY and WHEREFORE of the process . I think this is a marvelous thing ! February 13th , 2005 . Happy Valentine 's Day to everyone . I went off for a romantic weekend , had a great time the first day , woke up the second day with a flu - like infection . Arggh and dammit . So I find that my weight had STUCK at between 203 and 206 . Okay , so I need to add some cardio / aerobics to my workout . I plan to do that as soon as I can work it into my schedule . Actually , according to my doctor , my weight is really good at this point - - I just want to see if I can break 200 pounds for my own satisfaction . I 'm not entirely convinced that the 200 pound barrier isn 't psychological . I guess I 'm trying to prove something to myself . February 20th , 2005 . Today I 'm going to discuss something that I 've avoided discussing throughout this somewhat rambling journey from obesity to normalcy . I don 't really know why I 've avoided the topic , especially since this particular themes is woven into my weight " problem " like a gold thread through an elaborately woven oriental tapestry . Today I 'm going to talk about what it 's like to be Bipolar . Bipolar Disorder used to be called Manic - Depressive Disorder because the subject experiences dramatic shifts between exhilaration and depression . During the manic phase , he or she is capable of enormous outpourings of creative energy . People like Vincent van Gogh and Tchaikovsky were Bipolar . They contributed great art and beauty to the world . They were also horribly tormented and unhappy . The manic cycle is a fun place to be . You 're high as the clouds ; full of energy , you feel like a God . Problem is , it doesn 't last . You crash into the depressive cycle . If the manic cycle is spiffy , during the depressive cycle , well - - you can hardly move or remember your own name . 25 to 30 percent of Bipolars commit suicide , and it 's considered one of the more serious psychiatric disorders . I was originally misdiagnosed about twelve years ago with chronic depression , because I complained about the depressive symptoms . This , by the way , is common . Very few people complain about the exhilarant high of the manic cycle , so unless the doctor knows exactly what to look for , misdiagnosis is easy . So for four years I took antidepressants which is not a good idea for Bipolars - - it makes the cycles worse . When the diagnosis was corrected , I was treated with a combination of medicines and psychotherapy . Now , here 's where this monologue relates to my weight reduction project : ALL OF THE MEDS USED FOR BIPOLAR TREATMENT RESULT IN WEIGHT GAIN . This is because they increase your appetite . At the time I began the meds , I was in the process of dropping pounds , and I was determined that the meds weren 't going to interfere with that . After an initial weight gain of about ten pounds , I began to drop again . But I have to tell you - - I feel the appetite pangs most of the time , but I 've learned to ignore them . It 's not real hunger ; more like that undifferentiated food craving that most overweight people can relate to so well . My meds , I found out , do not cure the symptoms . They knock the top off of the manic phase , and psychotherapy is the recommended treatment for the depressive symptoms and learning to cope with the functional disabilities . Most Bipolars report that they spend as many as 50 % of their weeks with some symptoms . Relapses are common . I wasn 't told this by my doctors . i found out about it through experience and some reading I did on my own . February 24th , 2005 . In the core of my mind there is a stable , calm ME that observes my behavior . When my Bipolar symptoms manifest , this part of ME ( which I named , perhaps naively , " Clear - Mind " ) watches and tries to maintain control . I 'm in show business , by definition an extroverted profession . In addition , many people seem to feel that it 's somehow okay to be rude and insulting to performers . When the " down " side of the cycle is in dominance , there is social phobia and hypersensitivity to criticism . The inner Observer , Clear - Mind says , " These feelings aren 't real . These thoughts are illusions . Do not act upon them . " By maintaining this constant inner dialogue , I can function in my profession during the bad spells . But it isn 't easy . Even though my mind recognizes that the thoughts aren 't real , my body reacts to them as though they were . I 'll have panic reactions , fight - or - flight instincts , feelings that I can 't go out there and do the job . Bipolars , by the way , have difficulty holding jobs . As many as 64 % of us , according to various studies , are chronically unemployed , work only part time , or work from the home . We have functional difficulties that prevent us from maintaining a stable level of performance even when our symptoms are in remission . The 9 - to - 5 regular cyclic thing just doesn 't work out for you when your own cycles are erratic and unpredictable . Same applies to relationships . Our partners get tired of our unpredictability , our functional problems , our periods of moodiness . If someone can get past all that and sticks with you , they are very special indeed . Uncountable lost jobs , two failed marriages . Lots of wreckage left behind me simply because I didn 't know why I was acting the way I acted . Sometimes I was brilliant - - I have a near - genius IQ - - and sometimes I could barely recall my own name or where I lived . I 've written almost 30 books , won several awards , been hired as a consultant by television companies . I was also once fired from a job CHANGING TIRES , because I couldn 't get the hang of it . Welcome to a dizzying ride on the Bipolar Express . On the inside , the calm , stable Clear - Mind watches and says , " I know that I wouldn 't be who I am without all the parts of ME . I am ME , for better or worse . There are people who love ME , Bipolar and all . I am not the condition , I am ME . " So I fall down . I get back up . I try again . I keep going . I read that the Bipolar Disorder tends to worsen and becomes more resistant to treatment over time . When I was in college , I worked at the State Mental Hospital on the Chronic Ward . I used to wonder if trapped inside some ( or perhaps all ? ) of those incurably insane people was a sane and aware consciousness screaming at the horror of their situation , wanting OUT . I think it 's important , when we concentrate on dropping weight and maintaining it , to eat foods that we like . Sometimes we think at " food plans " and shudder . We think of bland , unappealing foods and a constant self - denial . Take a salad , for example . I love a bowl of mixed greens with a few tablespoons of raisins , grape tomatoes , some walnuts or sunflower seeds , a lemon squirted on it ( maybe some grated sharp cheddar ) and a vinaigrette dressing . That 's a good way to begin a meal . Pancakes , waffles , oatmeal - - very good for you . Recent studies have shown that these foods , along with grapes and tomatoes can help fight diabetes . Just be careful with the add - ons like syrup and butter . Use them , but sparingly . Broccoli , by the way , contains literally HUNDREDS of compounds that fight disease , stave off aging , and help your joints . You don 't like broccoli ? Think again , it 's your friend . You can really develop a taste for it when you think about all it can do for you . Personally , I love the stuff ! I eat in a healthy fashion about 95 % of the time . Every now and again I 'll scarf out on the cheese fries though . It won 't kill me , at least not very fast , heh heh . . . March 3rd , 2005 . Sometimes I hate being a man . You know , passing gas , belching , all that bodily hair , missing things like " signals " - - the primal ape stuff . I sometimes think that I miss out on about 75 % of the communication that goes on in the world , even sometimes between me and my Significant Other . Is connection between humans possible ? Can we even connect with ourselves ? Can we read our OWN signals ? I never understood people who cheated on relationships , or who otherwise tried to maintain more than one relationship at once . As a friend of mine says , he has trouble maintaining one . Personally , I think he overestimates himself - - If a man can maintain 50 % - 75 % of a relationship , he 's WAY ahead of the curve ( ha ha ha . . . I think ) . March 7th , 2005 . When I was a child I blew some soap bubbles , and through some miracle I was able to hold one in my hand for several seconds without it popping . To me , at four years old , this was magic ! I 'm happy these days . I 've gone through a lot of self - analysis , personal changes , been through the fire , as they say . But sometimes it seems to me that happiness may be as fragile as that soap bubble . That everything can collapse with just a little bit of pressure . My S . O . though , tells me I 'm wrong . She says that this particular bubble is strong . I thought about this glass ball that I have and think that maybe she 's right . March 14th , 2005 . Nobody gets from HERE to THERE by his or herself . There are people who help you along the way , sometimes with huge , dramatic gestures , and sometimes with nothing more than a smile and a word of encouragement when it 's sorely needed . I remember you though , whether you helped me big or helped me small . Growing older ( since I never managed to grow UP ) I had many teachers . Some of them had definitely made bad job decisions . It was obvious that they hated kids and took it out on us . I just want to take the time to thank you . Anne Wray , my fifth grade teacher . Joanne Terry , Ted Ross , a couple of English teachers who really helped me with self - esteem issues in High School . You guys were great . Thanks . But the teacher who helped me most was a chap who reached out to me at a time when a very confused young man needed some guidance . He went on to become more than a teacher , but a friend . This friendship has lasted to this very day , through a lot of years and storm - tossed life passages . March 18th , 2005 . Much earlier in this huge blog I wrote about the connection between television and overeating . Television , it 's been proven , generates a near - hypnotic Alpha state where we go into a deep relaxation and are more receptive and passive . So let me describe a typical scenario . You 're watching a scary movie , let 's say with vampires or monsters , and you 're scared . Now , intellectually , you know there 's no such thing as a vampire or monster , that it isn 't in your closet or under you 're bed , but the suggestion has been planted in your mind . Like hypnosis . Now , along comes a commercial that says " Buy this . " " If you want to feel good , you must drive this . " " You gotta have this . " " Eat this . " March 25th , 2005 . Well people , those of you who have followed this weight reduction adventure from its inception , a lot has happened to me in the two years since I began the trip . Now it 's time to begin the book . I 've spoken with my publisher and I can 't see any reason not to begin . It will feel good to be a disciplined writer again . I 'll divide my time between this and my book on palmistry for relationships . That should keep me out of trouble ! March 28th , 2005 . The other night I had one of those breakthrough experiences that really shook me up . As you know , I began this experiment with the idea that there were unresolved emotional issues in my life that caused me to gain and retain weight as a sort of " band - aid " that covered these wounds . I realized that weight gain wasn 't about food - - food was the symptom - - but about the underlying emotions . I was feeling nervous all day , like something bad was going to happen . Maybe you get these feelings , I don 't know . I finally went to sleep and almost immediately dreamed / relived a memory from the summer before the ninth grade . I had a dog , one of those homely street mutts that just love you with all their hearts when you give them a home . She was tan and white , and I named her Pax . She followed me around like , well . . . like a puppy . I was up on the roof of the house with a friend , I can 't remember why . Maybe we went after a Frisbee or football . But somehow the ladder , which was a heavy wooden kind , slipped and fell back to the ground . My mom , who never really thought of animals as people , said , " We 'll get you another dog . " And she did , and she was a good dog - - but my mom didn 't understand that you can 't replace a person in your heart with another person . You can make room for the newcomer , but there 's always a spot where that other person lives , be it human or dog or cat . March 30th , 2005 . I went over to the health club that 's part of my apartment complex today and worked out with weights . I haven 't done this in more than a year . Man , have I lost some strength since I weighed 240 pounds ! I think I can build it back up though . I think a lot of difference is in the " poise ; " I just don 't have the counter - leverage and balance I used to have . Think I 'll talk about food and diet for a while . When I became a vegetarian , many people ( well - meaning , I 'm sure ) told me the many reasons I shouldn 't be a vegetarian . Dismissing illogical arguments such as " It 's against Nature , " Animals were PUT here for us to eat , " ( put here by whom ? ) " Well , they eat each other , " ( yeah , people actually say this ) or " Well , they would eat YOU ! " ( undoubtedly true , some would - - and get indigestion probably ) , I did take seriously some of the health issues . There used to be concerns that a vegetarian diet didn 't provide enough protein . This was disproved several years ago by a number of sources . Human breast milk is only 5 % protein , and it is estimated that adult humans only need 2 - 3 % protein in their daily diet anyway . It even turns out that the body will create missing amino acids from discarded and dead cells in the intestines . We have a remarkably efficient machine at our command when it comes to processing food . Man is an omnivorous creature capable of digesting a wide variety of substances , as any parent of a toddler will attest . About the time I came upon the vegetarian scene , B12 was the big concern . B12 is most commonly found in meat , diary and eggs , so if you 're on a totally vegan diet , the concern was that you didn 't get enough of this vitamin from an all - vegetable diet . This can be serious . Some symptoms of B12 deficiency are : pernicious anemia , diarrhea , fatigue , nerve damage , depression , PMS , heart disease , trembling , low sperm count or poor sperm motility , and a sore red tongue . B - 12 is important in the proper formation of red blood cells , manufacture of DNA , formation of fatty insulation surrounding nerve cells , detoxification of cyanide from cigarettes and food , cancer prevention , nervous system health , proper growth , prevention of PMS , posture and balance , memory and concentration , proper cell division , sperm production and motility . Eventually a B12 deficiency manifests as nerve damage and pernicious anemia , a very serious type of anemia where red blood cells are improperly formed and white blood cell count is low . So this was serious . I was still doing a little bit of dairy , but not much . Although my multivitamin has B12 , I got a vegetarian - based B12 supplement just in case I began to show symptoms . After doing some extensive research though , I found that there is no evidence that vegetarians are more prone to B12 deficiencies than anyone else . While there are a small number of people who develop B12 deficiencies , most of them are not vegans , just like people with deficiencies in every other type of vitamin and mineral . Ever heard a dieter say that his or her hair fell out while dieting ? That 's borderline scurvy , a Vitamin C deficiency . Any friends or relatives have white hair , wrinkles , maybe an aneurysm ? That 's copper deficiency . Know anyone with cystic fibrosis ( CF ) ? His or her mother suffered a selenium deficiency before and / or during their pregnancy . Vitamin deficiencies are as common as bad health in general ; in fact , they 're behind a lot of the bad health that 's so epidemic these days . B12 has a very low recommended daily intake requirement , about 2 - 3 micrograms per day . That 's MICROgrams , not milligrams . In addition to having extremely low intake requirements , Vitamin B12 is stored in the liver , kidneys , and muscle tissue , and most B12 ( 65 - 75 % ) is reabsorbed by the body instead of excreted . A deficiency could take from 5 to 20 years of inadequate intake to develop . So how could anyone develop pernicious anemia when B12 intake requirements are so low , and when the liver stores so much that it takes years for a deficiency to develop ? The reason given for this is that B12 is found primarily in animal foods . Many people believe that few plant foods provide good sources of B12 . In a way that 's true , but only because the source of B12 is neither plants nor animals ; neither manufacture their own B12 . Actually , Bacteria produce the B - 12 on which both plants and animals rely . And in humans , that bacteria doesn 't necessarily come from plants - - the mouth , upper intestine , and lower intestine all contain bacteria that produce B12 . However , it 's unknown if enough B12 to meet the daily requirement comes from internal sources of B12 . More likely , they produce some , and the rest comes in with food and water consumed . Imagine my surprise when I found out that all of the Vitamin B12 in the world ultimately comes from bacteria . Neither plants nor animals can synthesize it . But plants can be contaminated with B12 when they come in contact with soil bacteria that produce it . Animal foods are rich in B12 only because animals eat foods that are contaminated with it or because bacteria living in an animal 's intestines make it . I haven 't found a single author who pins the blame for pernicious anemia on vegetarianism . Most people with B12 deficiencies and / or pernicious anemia are NOT vegans . Very few vegans have pernicious anemia . B12 deficiencies occur primarily when : 1 . ) Something is competing for your B12 ( like parasites ) 2 . ) Something is destroying your B12 ( like cyanide in cigarettes ) or 3 . ) Something is preventing the proper absorption of B12 ( like inadequate production of intrinsic factor ) . So , my quest for the mysterious role of B12 in a vegetarian diet ends with " there 's nothing to worry about . " But , there 's always SOMETHING . The science of nutrition is a volatile one , and I wonder what the next panic - inducing nutritional scare will be ? A lot of people have asked me how I learned the skills I use to make my living . I grew up in a family of psychic readers ; my mom , grandmother and aunt practiced various forms of divination . I learned to read cards and palms at a very early age . Also , being raised by psychic women ( my father was absent most of the time and left for several years at one point ) my intuition , empathy and sensitivity were encouraged rather than suppressed . What I mean here is that men of my generation were not encouraged to have emotions . We were supposed to be tough . There was no room in a male for the so - called " feminine " emotions . But I learned at a very early age to read emotional states of people and this was never discouraged . As I grew older and became more analytical , I wanted to study the nuts - and - bolts of intuitive phenomena and learn how it worked . Up to that time I was always encouraged to " go with it " and not question it . But I wanted to understand more about how the mind works . So for several years I studied ESP , voodoo , the siddhis that yogin are supposed to be able to perform ( learned a few , like stopping my pulse and breathing for a long period of time ) , hypnosis , all sorts of strange psychological stuff like brainwashing , subliminal suggestion , how we read each other on a subconscious level , etc . I perform my stage shows for a bewildering array of venues : colleges , companies , private parties . I also do palmistry for entertainment for corporate affairs and private parties . I also do private consultations , but am very selective . Many people simply want fortune - telling ( Is my husband / wife cheating on me , how long will I live , how many times will I be married , etc ) and I won 't do these types of readings . The best way to describe what I do is I help people untangle their lives . How I developed these skills is simple : I used them . Most of us simply don 't have room for intuition or empathy in our " world . " I applied intuition to as many aspects of my life as I could and wasn 't afraid to fail . Over time , my successes outweighed my misses . I don 't do any special exercises or anything , other than meditation . I have no " secrets . " Now , I want to say that I am not particularly outstanding at this . There are a lot of people much better than me - - some of them work for various governments . I can 't do distant Remote Viewing , for example , I have to be in the same room with someone . It doesn 't matter if I see them or not ( skeptics like to explain my act with " body language " ) but proximity is essential . Basically , my show consists of Useless Psychic Tricks , like you see on my video . Interesting and entertaining , but of no real practical use . There are lots of books on learning how to do various things , from aura reading to developing clairvoyance . My suggestion to anyone getting started in this field of study is to examine why you want to do it . When I worked the Psychic Fairs , there were a lot of " control freak " psychics who wanted to control people 's lives and TOLD them what to do . Sometimes they would use scare tactics , like predict dire consequences if the client didn 't do exactly what they were told . In my opinion , this is when the reader 's ego took over . April 5th , 2005 There are things we can know and things about which we can only speculate . Sometimes we drive ourselves crazy wondering about STUFF we 'll never know the answer to . Once a chap asked Lord Buddha a series of these questions , which were : Realize that Buddha lived 2600 years ago , and that these are questions that resist answering to this very day . We may have beliefs about these questions , but we really don 't know - - which is why wars are fought over differences in belief over these issues . Lord Buddha answered the questioner thusly : " It 's just as if a man were wounded with an arrow thickly smeared with poison . His friends & companions , kinsmen & relatives would provide him with a surgeon , and the man would say , ' I won 't have this arrow removed until I know whether the man who wounded me was a noble warrior , a priest , a merchant , or a worker . ' He would say , ' I won 't have this arrow removed until I know the given name & clan name of the man who wounded me . . . until I know whether he was tall , medium , or short . . . until I know whether he was dark , ruddy - brown , or golden - colored . . . until I know his home village , town , or city . . . until I know whether the bow with which I was wounded was a long bow or a crossbow . . . until I know whether the bowstring with which I was wounded was fiber , bamboo threads , sinew , hemp , or bark . . . until I know whether the shaft with which I was wounded was wild or cultivated . . . until I know whether the feathers of the shaft with which I was wounded were those of a vulture , a stork , a hawk , a peacock , or another bird . . . until I know whether the shaft with which I was wounded was bound with the sinew of an ox , a water buffalo , a langur , or a monkey . ' He would say , ' I won 't have this arrow removed until I know whether the shaft with which I was wounded was that of a common arrow , a curved arrow , a barbed , a calf - toothed , or an oleander arrow . ' The man would die and those things would still remain unknown to him . " April 6th , 2005 For the past several weeks , I 've been e - mail bombed by well - meaning folks who are worried about my soul . These e - mails urge me to give up my " psychic ways " and repent , embrace God , and go to heaven . That these e - mails are obviously form letters doesn 't lessen their sincerity one whit , I reckon . Well , it cost about two bucks to send me this CD , and I appreciate the concern for my well - being in the afterlife . However , a couple of things gave me pause : One , it was obviously a script read by an actress , and two , I perform palm readings for two venues : for entertainment , and for private philosophical counseling . I ain 't a Fortune - Teller or Necromancer ; never have been , never will be . But most importantly , I 'm not going to change my religion over being threatened . So please save your time and money . . . I 'm a lost cause !
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Each morning I wake to find a bunch of questions posted on " Cruisers and Sailing Forums " . I love taking the time to read and respond where I can . A common question is what to " get rid of " before moving aboard . We 're all for minimization , a pair of socks comes on , a pair goes off . That being said when closing up a household we did not consider that we may one day move back , which we did . This little post is in respect to this topic : - ) _____ Most of the posts that I have seen here on CF since I 've joined last year all talk about moving aboard ( myself included ) . But what happens if you have to , want to , return to a land - based lifestyle ? I only remember seeing one recent post concerning life after cruising ( but I am sure there are more in older posts ) . _____ I like this perspective on considering this very question . We did move aboard and sailed / lived for a decade overseas . We sold the house and all the furniture in it along with most of my larger power tools ( that was a minor mistake ) . We did keep our real estate holdings and in one of the buildings I carved out a storage area for our more treasured belongings . We had traveled a lot before the " big trip " and had lots of little reminders with special meanings , lots of books ( classics and rare ) and lots of artwork etc . After 3 years we ended up in New Zealand where we obtained residency and put our girls in school . On a business trip back to Alaska I arranged to have all that " stuff " sent down . It was like Christmas opening up those boxes and although a bit on the expensive side , putting those items in our new home in NZ made it really feel like home . 7 years later we moved back to the States for a number of reasons which we do not regret at all . This time we hired a 20 ' container and sent what had been accumulated in NZ back after a BIG GARAGE SALE . Now our Alaskan home has a twenty years worth of history and it 's nice to look back over all those memories and tell stories through all those small little items . REGRET ? I should have stored all the big stuff we gave away . Tools first - table saw ( 2000 sold for probably 500 ) and lots of stuff like that . All the sports gear , bikes , kayaks , skis , winter wear , Jeep , etc . Perhaps even some of the furniture . The truth is most all new live aboard cruisers return to land at some point . That would be an interesting survey . The math is pretty straight forward , value of replacing items with storage costs for a given period of time . The sentimental value something different . Found this while muddling through an old laptop . Just a few weeks ago we were back at Rudder Cay . Madison is now 18 and we are short one hull ( Catamaran Pun , please forgive ) . The rhythm felt the same , right down to the dinner : - ) The pic above is from that night fourteen years ago and of the " plastic chairs " we found on the beach . Enjoy ! 5 : 30 Awake , check position and remember to turn off anchor light . Indicator light burned out so placed post - it with big A on it to remind me . Read " Prey " until … 6 : 10 Kelsey cries , wet diaper . Changed and made a break for my book . Had large glass of water , neglected to put coffee on . 6 : 20 Kelsey up , book over . Asking for mama but wants me . Played on settee and brought her down to help wake mama up . 6 : 30 Madison awake , wet her bed which I discovered earlier . She informs me of the same and apologizes . Hard to get mad at her . Making plan to clean sheets using washing contraption . 7 : 00 Clifford , big red dog playing since 6 : 35 while I tried to sneak in a little more book before Becky awoke . She 's up now and wondering where coffee is and why the dishes are not done . Put coffee on , should boil over within 5 minutes . 7 : 05 Boiled over . 7 : 06 to 8 : 00 Made breakfast for self and did dishes . Cleared deck from previous day and made dinghy ready to be lifted . While lifting took the time to spray out the sand . Checked both bilges and pumped port . 8 : 00 to 9 : 00 Talked about future plans and summer housing . Also plans for the day and where we would like to go . Declined offer to go spear fishing , anxious to get moving north . Decided to sail inside of islands , read up on route and made ready . Started engines to make hot water for Becky 's shower and charge batteries . Also turned on watermaker and checked its output . Had Beck bring up the anchor as a drill . She also took the time to raise the main but I finished the heavy lifting . 9 : 00 - 10 : 00 Beautiful sail from Rat Cay to Adderley . Shallow area , on high alert ! Crystal clear water and perfect wind ghosting along at 6 knots over 6 feet of water . Some minor nail biting . Looked hard for El McPherson 's house . 10 : 00 - 11 : 00 Out the cut and into deep water . Lots of current ! Jib down and messed around with the spinnaker for a while . Girls playing in fort on cockpit . Must be a million degrees out here ! Sweating through everything and a lot of running around . 12 : 00 - 1 : 00 Find our way into Rudder Cut and Darby . Trouble deciding which way to go . Saw some nudies heading to Rudder so decided on Darby . Shallow anchorage so dove on anchor , looked ok . Set anchor watch on GPS . Dove on speed transducer and freed it . Also measured depth of water precisely . 2 : 00 - 2 : 30 Kelsey napping , Maddie playing quietly , Beck in cockpit having a peaceful moment . Sneak into cabin and finish Prey ! Now I can think again ! 2 : 30 - 3 : 00 Empty dinghy and lower into water , think upper body workout . Called Little Darby for permission to hike up to castle . Got kids lubed up with sunscreen and gear . 3 : 00 - 5 : 00 Off to island to explore castle . Everything going well until we get out of the dinghy and are assaulted by three dogs ! Kids terrified , mom upset and we are out of there . Would have been nice if the caretaker had mentioned these ! Motored over to Rudder and the round house . Second highlight of the day , the first being the sail from Rat to Adderly . We landed on the beach and walked up to the house . Pretty much just as we had left it eight years ago . The limo was gone however . Back to the beach where two plastic chairs were left behind and amazingly in semi working condition ! We were able to sit and the girls played with a stick . Boy have things changed ! Hung out until the sun started to get low . Spent a fair amount of time with some lizards as well . 5 : 00 - 6 : 00 Family trampoline time and happy hour ! Noticed how low the tide was and decided to " walk " around the boat ! Took the time to scrub the exhaust stains of off the transoms . Sun dipped and I climbed back aboard to help with dinner . 6 : 00 - 7 : 00 Dinner , chicken and rice , and evening routine . LOTS of dishes . Tooth brushing and beginning of book reading . I read to Kelsey , about 8 books and she wanted to keep going . She was asleep by 7 : 30 and I dosed off with her . Continue journal around 8 : 30 8 : 30 - 10 : 30 Going through West Marine catalog making up large wish list . Going page by page . Spent and hour putting together screens for the boat . Well worth the effort . Purchased some screen before we left . That and a little duck tape do the trick . Took measurement for some more Lewmar screens . Wrote several eMails and sent . At least an hour spent on reading business stuff from Anchorage and responding . In bed by 10 : 30 I 'm a closet " motorer " and now that I think about it , a proud one . I have a feeling I am not alone . There is a certain glamour to the idea of sailing , there is a certain practicality to actually " getting there " . First let 's talk about sailing , the act of actually putting up sails and going . For many years I raced and this was all that was allowed . Perhaps that explains my canvas rebellion . Now before I get too far ahead of myself I must say good advice to any " newbie " is RACE . Being wet , cold , injured , verbally abused while inebriated will prepare you for much of what the ocean has in store . I personally was never entrusted with much aft of the foredeck so " cold and wet " pretty much encapsulate those formative years . Racing prepares one for the inevitable and constant failures that plague even modern rigs . There is a degree of physical fitness , a step or two up from golf , and a large amount of problem solving under pressure . Racing also has a large social component which forces one to pledge allegiance to all things canvas . The part that is kind of funny is anytime we had to actually GET the boat anywhere we MOTORED . So how much do we motor over sail ? I 'd say 80 / 20 ( ah Pareto 's Law ) . Yes folks this sailing blog should be a powerboat blog . Heresy you say . Now this was not the case in the Pacific and the tradewinds . One of the most wonderful qualities of that stretch of ocean is the consistent beam to broad reach . The dirty little secret , however , was that the problem was rarely too much wind , the challenge , more times than not , was too little . At these times rather than sit there clanging around in the swell we would " fire em up " . Ohana ( the catamaran ) had two 27hp yanmars and with one ticking away a few things would happen . First , the boat would start moving , from four knots to seven . This alone was a great motivator to captain and crew . The boat would " quiet down " except for the hum of the diesel of course , but that was oddly comforting . On a light air trip from Fiji to New Zealand we had one engine on ALL THE TIME . That 's seven days ! It was me and a friend and as I recall he said " it made him comfortable " to hear the purring of a well tuned diesel . I 'm all about making our crew comfortable . The second reason I 'm not shy about firing up an engine or two is safety . Generally I 'm sailing short handed and being at anchor is a lot safer than being on the ocean . A well maintained diesel can run for thousands of hours and the engines LIKE being used . The key words " well maintained " opens up a whole new entertainment center for the cruiser . Maintaining a diesel engine is fun in itself and rewarding , at least in my world of limited entertainment . This piece is basically a rationalization piece to those of us who like the hear the hum of a motor and are looking for an excuse to come out of the shadows and share our enthusiasm for the same . It is also a call to those who have the " dream " to consider not just looking up , but also looking down , into the darkness of their engine rooms and embrace that warm lovable hunk of iron . Let 's take a few brief minutes to discuss what the little darling needs and what the benefits are of making her your best friend . The ONE THING a diesel engine needs is CLEAN FUEL . That 's pretty much it . An intimate knowledge of your fuel system is a must and if you bought a used boat , particularly one that has seen little use , you already have a challenge . Your fuel is dirty , just make that assumption . What to do ? Filtration . Now I 'm not a fuel expert and I 'm not recommending any particular products . I have used Raycor filters on just about every boat I can recall and the cartridges are EASY to obtain WORLDWIDE , carry lots . Now the best setup is one that has two filters in parallel and allows you to switch to the second filter as the first becomes fouled . I don 't have this on the current Ohana nor on the previous ( cheap bastard ) . The key to know when your filter is on its way out is a vacuum gauge . Mount this invaluable gadget where it is easily seen and check it often . I watch ours regularly and for the first couple of 100 hours on Ohana 2 she would gum up fairly quickly . What was happening was we were essentially " polishing " the fuel . After two hundred hours or so this has become much less frequent . There is a filter on your engine as well and is often neglected . This filter does not need to be changed as often as the Raycor filter , which does most of the heavy lifting , but does need to be attended to on occasion . The second key is keeping the tools needed to change the filter right next to the filter . This includes in our case a plastic folgers coffee can and a one gallon jug of clean diesel to fill the new filter . I do the same thing for the alternator belt . All three wrenches to change the belt are in their own pocket in our tool bag . Changing that belt should be able to be accomplished in 3 minutes or less ( the replacement is hanging in the engine room ready to go ) . The dreaded " bleeding " of the engine . For some reason this little operation strikes more fear into the hearts of mariners than warranted . Air is the enemy to your diesel and if a bit gets in , usually during the filter changing process , she won 't want to run . If you change your filter , add fuel before reinstalling and generally do a tidy job , odds are she will fire right up , burp a few times and then purr like a kitten . If you don 't and you find you have to bleed , fret not . It 's an easy operation best done first at the dock on a nice calm day close to a NAPA store . If you are really hesitant to touch your engine hire a diesel mechanic the first time and " pay your tuition " . While he is there question him down about every little trick and do your best to keep him well hydrated and happy . Start with a water / soda combination , transition to beer as the job appears to be reaching its natural conclusion . Money well spent . After this it 's oil and oxygen . Change oil often , engine AND transmission . Again have all the tools at the ready , no searching involved for the oil , as far as the oxygen goes make sure your baby can get it . I have not had a proper air filter on any our last few motors so have not worried about much . Odds are you will leave your boat for periods of time unattended . Do yourself a favor and top up the diesel just before putting her to bed . This helps prevent condensation and depending on what climate you leave her in this could be considerable . Condensation equals water and water to diesel is like . . . . . . . any suggestions ? Let 's just say it ain 't good ! One final note regarding your power set up is that expensive bronze thing that sits at the end of the shaft , your prop . Successful long distance motoring is dramatically enhanced with the right one . This topic is so loaded and passions run so high that I will defer to your good sense to do your research and come to your own conclusions . For me I 've stuck with a fixed three bladed prop , the largest that makes sense and it appeals to my sense of simple . This in on our monohulls , the cat came with two adjustable pitch max props . When we first got her she was terribly over pitched with the engines not able to get over 2100 rpm . Again setting up props and deciding on the right pitch is way beyond the scope of this short story but is something you must understand and address . Once you get it right you will motor with confidence into wind and sea and be able to back up like a pro . Take the time . Back to motoring . . . . Enjoy it , for a few delightful years I had the opportunity to drive an Auckland New Zealand Harbor Ferry , the Osprey . Two BIG twin caterpillar diesel , great crew ( nod to Captains Kent , Gordon , Alan , John and Jackie ( stewardess who may actually read this if she finds it on FB ) , plenty of waterline , 24 knots at cruise . Three stories above the water , in the full beam pilot house , life couldn 't get better . We would dock thirty eight times a shift in all sorts of conditions and get to see the harbor in every mood and season . Did I mention three stories up and climate controlled ( sort of ) ? Flash forward to the fall of 2015 delivering a little forty footer ( Ohana 2 ) from Noank to Nassau . Out on Long Island Sound heading west into a brisk breeze , little Yanmar ticking away , foulies zipped up tight . As I listened to the engine hum " that " thought crossed my mind , as it crosses many seasoned sailors . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . memories of the ferry . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . and the idea that perhaps it 's time to look for a Trawler ; - ) P . S . Speaking of Motoring Madison and I will be doing the same around the Bahamas from about January 25th 2017 to February 20th 2017 . If you see us do stop on by ! ! ! Now I have met folks cruising on an ultra budget who were doing a great job of it . A couple we met in Tonga come to mind . They were young and on a 40 some odd foot non - descript monohull . At the beach party in Vavauu , anchorage 14 , they were roasting some fish on the fire for their dinner . We had a great talk about their travels and " living off the land " . My wife 's cousin and his partner are another example . At a Christmas party two decades ago he asked me , with great enthusiasm coupled with little sailing experience , what kind of boat he could get cheap and sail offshore with . I thought about it and said " Crealock Dreadnaught 32 " and left it at that . A few months later he called and said he bought one ( I about fell of my chair ! ) , they left from Juneau Alaska with a 50lb bag of rice and a spear gun ( I 'm exaggerating , but not too much ) and ended up in Japan where they sold the boat . They went on to buy a 40 ' steel hull at a scrap yard , lived in it at the scrap yard while they " built it " . A year or two later took off again for Mexico , Hawaii , Midway ( where they worked for a year to build up their funds ) and then back to Alaska . He even built the MAST from a pipe ! ! ! These kind of folks can and do cruise on a budget of 500 . 00 per month . Now for the rest of us . . . . . . . . When I see an online post saying " I want to buy a $ 20 , 000 . 00 ocean going boat and cruise on 800 . 00 per month and I need to learn how to sail " I kind of wince . The advice that comes out on the chat room is good and it can be done , see the above , but is it likely ? The two examples earlier were of folks who lived off the land well before going cruising and who were predisposed to doing lots with very little . Those of us who come from fairly comfortable land based occupations with partners and children who are accustomed to certain " comforts " this notion of spending next to nothing each month generally ends prematurely and poorly . One day I was walking back to Ohana at Palm Harbor Marina in West Palm and saw a man sitting on the dock literally in tears . I walked up to ask if all was ok and struck up " the conversation " about what happened . This is not the first conversation like this I have had , in fact , had the same one just last year in Cape May with a man on a nice Pacific Seacraft Crealock 34 ( I detect a theme ) . The conversation goes something like this : " I 've dreamed of cruising my whole life . I read everything , researched everything , bought the boat and had a great couple of years outfitting her and fixing her up . Finally we decided to go and headed down to Florida in anticipation of sailing to the Bahamas and points south . Somewhere around Charleston my wife quit . She said it 's too . . . . . . . . . fill in all the " too 's " , too hot , expensive , cold , boring , terrifying , lonely , far from the kids , claustrophobic . . . . . . you get the idea . So here I am with my dream and I have to sell it . " The Cape May guy was more to the point of finances . He had done all of the same and had a VERY specific monthly budget . His transmission gave up in Cape May ( see upcoming post on " motoring " to know why ) and he literally could not afford to replace and nor afford to keep her at a dock or haul her out and store her . He was selling and he was having a fire sale . For a brief moment , as he told his story , I considered offering to help and pay for a transmission but as he kept talking I changed my mind . It would only be subsidizing what he was already ill prepared for and would just end a little further down the ditch . The point , for most folks , it 's going to " cost " a lot more than you think . Nothing makes me happier than to see folks out there really ENJOYING the life and not constantly on the wrong side of the ledger . Speaking of which I better get to work so we can go off sailing next week ! Have a blessed day all ! Early on we shared a boat with a good friend and sailed about six months a year ( he sailed the other six ) . Read earlier post " back story " for the details . Here 's the story . One afternoon I found myself sitting on a remote beach , Scarlett anchored just offshore with a Nordhavn 60 ' anchored nearby . We were the only two . We had brought the dinghy in for some afternoon exploring and a swim . Soon after we arrived the Nordhavn launched their tender ( we had a dinghy , they had a tender ) and they headed to our beach . I 've forgotten the man 's name but this scene played out many times over the years . We 'd say hello and each couple would begin to tell their story . He would be late 50 's to early 60 's . Second marriage and they were " living the dream " . Where from , where going , etc . After a few minutes the ladies would walk off to chat and we would sit down in the shade and talk a bit more . The next question would be " what do you do ? " I 'm sure you 've been there and you have your story . I 'd share ours . Given our tender ages there was some genuine interest in how we managed to get there and be able to spend several months " living the dream " . We would then proceed to share stories of business and finances and experiences . At some point in the conversation I would ask my question , what 's your best advice ? Being 30 years old on a beach with a man who has led his life is such an opportunity . On more than one occasion the advice would be similar to the advice the man from the 60 ' Nordhavn gave . Paul , see that boat there and my beautiful wife ? Yes . I would trade it all to have my family . You see Paul I worked 24 / 7 for twenty years to build my business . We were wildly successful . I provided every material want my family needed , all except one . . . . . . . . me . Time went by , divorce , estrangement from my children and now grandchildren . Paul , if you can , and it seems you might be able to , take the years your children are growing up and spend it with them . That was the advice and this happened on more than one occasion . Those days of childless wandering did come to a close . Scarlett was sold and we settled into life in Anchorage Alaska . We continued to grow our business , built a house , had our first daughter in 1998 . Our second arrived in 2001 . Those words stuck with me . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . One day I came home from another 14 hour day to find my lovely wife sitting in our " playroom " staring at the world map ( that map sits behind me right now 15 years later ) . We had a conversation about " what we were doing and what we could do " . That advice , " take the years your children are growing up and spend it with them . " was ringing in my head . We then made the worst financial decision of our lives . Fifteen years later , thousands of ocean miles , residents of a new country , we still eat and travel and pay taxes . Are we as " wealthy " as we could have been ? Not by a long shot , but I 'm convinced if we stayed on the track we were on and failed to heed that wise advice , I would have ended up sitting on a beach giving advice to a young man to , if at all possible , " take those precious years that your family is growing up and spend it with them . " Blessings all . . . . . How often have you heard this ? Now I have always been a destination guy . Always " moving " towards some distant goal and the places in between were on " The Plan " . I never really thought much about this until this last month when I found myself with absolutely NO PLAN . Now Steve and Jim at Loggerhead Marina ( Highly recommend ) in Stuart did not like this as it really messes with the paperwork ! More on that shortly for those who dare to read this whole post . The rough plan this month was to come down to Florida for spring break with Madison our oldest . I was to fly down early and get the boat ready including all new mast and rigging with some golf thrown in . Madison would fly down solo for her first time and together we would spend 10 days " doing our thing " . Well the rigging and mast plan went great and when she arrived we sat down to come up with " The Plan " . We had nothing : - ) The decision was made to sail out and see what the conditions dictated and take it from there . This is new territory for dear Captain and honestly , was kind of refreshing . Rather than some epic goal we would just go . So on Wednesday morning we dropped lines , pumped the poop and let Steve and Jim know we were leaving for good , or not . We headed out Stuart inlet and turned ESE for West End Bahamas ( habit ) . About 20 miles out and well into the Gulf Stream Madison said " I 'd really like to have ice cream at Sloans " . See we purchased Ohana 1 ( the cat ) in West Palm Beach in 2002 ( Madison was 4 at the time ) and spent the better part of two years in and out of Palm Harbor Marina as we prepared her for the Caribbean and Pacific . West Palm holds many fond memories : Two Girls Pizza , Clematis Street , The " Fountain " where the kids could play and Sloans Ice Cream . But what about " The Plan " ? ? ? There was none ! We turned to the South West , a pod of dolphins joined us and off we went to get ice cream . Now I had visions of waking to a Bahamas sunrise in West End and working our way to Marsh Harbor , leaving the boat there . We ended up visiting the Four Arts and med ( See Photo Gallery for lots of Pics ) I walked past the mega yachts that surrounded little Ohana at the Viaduct Marina in Auckland . One in particular , I 've forgotten the name , stood out . I looked at the table set on the afterdeck , it was spectacular . Three crew members were in attendance , the guests soon to arrive . . . . . . . . . . . . . lighting perfect , settings perfect . . . . . . . . . . . . what were they going to discuss , I would never know . At first I thought about the " consumption . " Who needs all that , how did they " get " it , why does it matter ? To be honest I had a bit of envy along with a bit of curiosity . So much . . . . . . . . why ? I thought about it . I would have loved to have been a fly on that wall . Here 's what I came up with : The conversations that take place around a table are the fuel . The people that contribute are the engine . If we 're blessed we can enjoy many evenings with many people who make our lives richer and fuller for having sat there . The photo gallery on this blog home page entitled " Happy Hours " captures a few of these evenings we had the honor to enjoy aboard Ohana . I have a feeling that if a boat might be a measure of one 's material success , the quality of the conversations around those tables , such as the yacht I was looking at , might be a good measure of a one 's hospitality , curiosity and inquisitiveness . So that gets us back to our humble little table . It is easy for a man to look " up " to bigger and better . Our " table " wasn 't on a mega yacht but for us may as well have been . It has entertained a wide variety of characters from all over the world . Who would have thought a boy and girl from humble beginnings in New York and Alaska would sit with corporate giants , financiers , pastors , hippies , singers , actors , tech moguls , eccentrics , escapists . . . . . . . . . . . the list goes on . It all happened around our little table . Speaking of " happy hour " I 've had a few so will sign off early . Invite people . . . . . . . . . . . . . they make it oh so colorful . One last story . This fall I was sailing south and found myself in Sandy Hook ( Atlantic Highlands NJ ) . Earlier in the day the engine died and was an afternoon of back and forth to NAPA to sort things out . At first I hitched a ride with a local , his wife and brother in law . I realized soon after that NAPA was a short walk and made several trips back and forth as I diagnosed the problem . It 's part of the deal and those folks were great ! Well 6pm was rolling around and I was sitting in the cockpit looking around and a noticed a dinghy going boat to boat inviting people over for happy hour . I thought " I 'd like to have happy hour " but kept my hand down . Well Scott came by Ohana and invited me ! I hopped aboard and soon realized his other passenger was the fellow who drove me to NAPA ! We ended up aboard Tamure and enjoyed a great evening with every single hander in the harbor along with Scott and Kitty who it turns out are a bit of legends in the sailing world . Their boat was a living museum . Check out their site for Tamure by clicking on the link . Along with these two links Great Escape and Atlantic Circle We sat in the cockpit around their " table " and as the evening progressed moved down below . It was magic . They took the time to invite and that is an encouragement to me to do the same . At times I resist but I know that all that is good occurs around that place , the table . CruisersForum has a lot of questions regarding storm tactics with Catamarans . I have to confess I asked many of the same when we first bought Ohana and went as far as purchasing a monster parachute anchor which we carried all over the Caribbean and Pacific . We never deployed it . This is my stab at answering , at least , how we did it . The question is always " what were the worst conditions you were ever in . " That answer is a four hour period between Tonga and New Zealand in 2005 where we were averaging 16 knots in some pretty big seas . The video above is from a trip to Tonga in 2010 with the aforementioned Vito onboard . It looks rough but the boat could handle that and much more . That was pretty much it . Of the tens of thousands of miles I 've covered those four hours and 60 some odd miles were the most lively . The 2005 experience ? Well later on I 'll discuss my philosophy of sailing " with the storm " , suffice it to say we were doing just that and the wind was off our quarter where we wanted it and the seas were with us so to speak . . . . and they were big . Reef early ( that 's a tip ) , and we had , but even with a triple reef in the main and a handkerchief of jib out we were FLYING and it was loud . The sound a big cat makes going over 10 knots is like living in a waterfall . Going 15 - 16 is a whole other story . Down each wave she accelerates and it was those few moments at the bottom where I had pause . Bows please come up . . . . . . . . . and each time they would and I would say " elevator up ! " This went on for four hours or so as we ducked under the lower part of the system on our way south . That was the most tense I 've been while offshore . Believe it or not the girls played quietly on the deck in the main salon and Becky looked up every now and then and asked if we were ok , amazing . Disclaimer : The advise here is free and you get what you pay for . Take it for it is , know your boat well and be honest about your skill set . I would also equip much differently for sailing in high latitudes or off season . The other thing I 've learned is the boat can take a lot more than the crew . We were in conditions like the video for several days after leaving Opua , several large monohulls actually turned back . Ohana kept skipping along . One night Garth , who was along for his first offshore passage , wanted to go on deck and put one final reef in . My advise to him was " nothing good cPoint 3 - I 'm scratching my chin here . All that comes to mind is how important it is to know your personal limits and not put your crew or yourself in a situation you or the boat are not truly prepared to handle . That and DO NOT sail on a schedule if at all possible . This is about catamarans and if you 've read this far you probably own one so here is the final dirty little secret , they all slam ( some more than others ) , they all take 15 knots of wind to really get moving and none of them really go to weather nor should they . All the more reason to sail the fronts in my opinion and keep her moving , when the wind falls below 10 knots and the boat slows to 4 time to kick on an engine . Time to hit the sack internet friends ! Have a blessed day and many happy and safe miles . I am the most unlikely Hunter owner . Back in the " day " selling boats was the game and Hunter was a big no - no . I was a Hunter Snob with no real reason to be so , short of a little conversation at a boat show . I was actually looking at the Hunters and commenting on how nice they were for the money . At twenty some odd years old what did I know ? Let 's call him Crusty , the broker who had taken me under his wing , said " boat show boat " . That was all it took to turn me off to Hunters . Three words . What does " boat show boat " mean ? Basically a boat the wife likes at the boat show , huge interiors , ticks all the boxes , priced well and falls apart after a few years in the Florida sun . Soon after , as a young yacht broker , I actually sold a Hunter and it looked just like Crusty described , weather beaten and tired . Tied up behind a house in Port Orange Florida we limped it up to Seven Seas Marina in Daytona for haul out and inspection . All I believed about Hunters seemed to be true . That was the last I thought of Hunters until I met Vito but , before we introduce this character , one has to ask why was I looking for a boat like a Hunter in the first place . I wasn 't . This past Alaska winter our oldest daughter looked at me and said " Dad , what good is all this experience if you don 't share it ? " followed with , " can we get a boat and just you and I spend the summer sailing together . " Annie get your gun ! I was off to the races . This coincided with an article in Cruising Outpost issue # 8 entitled " The Whole Nine Yards " the story of two girls , a dog , a cat and a 27 ' boat ( support Bob Bitchin and buy the mag , it 's worth the eight bucks ) . That question and article set the Berger wheels in motion . Let 's find a small " beater boat " , not too fancy and easily handled by one or two . Something the girls could grow into and make it their own should they have the desire . The usual suspects came to mind , Catalina 30 , J 30 , C & C 30 or up a little to the 35 ' range . After a good talk with long suffering wife ( who , bless her heart , generally supports a good ole adventure after the idea has a little time to marinate ) gave her approval and I began the search . Now there is a whole other post on buying boats and I wrote it a few days ago and it was summarily VAPORIZED by sailblogs . Here is the cliff note version : Know that as you look " the one " will likely show up and don 't be afraid to buy it . That 's basically it . The " one " is easier to see after you 've been on a few and start to get a feel for what 's out there . In the case of this project the size quickly grew to 40 ' as we adjusted and thought about family vacations with all four of us and the prospect of having a relatively inexpensive floating condo . Fair enough and in our experience 40 ' still met the expectation of being easily handled by one or two . I flew into Annapolis late April and started the hunt . This took me from Deltaville Virginia as far north as Westport Connecticut . I looked at Beneteaus , Catalina , Jenneaus and two newer Hunters . Nothing was " clicking " although the Hunters were cool they had the new B & R rigs ( no backstay ) and one had the expected deck leaks that I had been warned of . Remember Vito ? Picture a Sicilian bull dog with a heart of gold . We met Vito , Madeline and their daughter Amanda in Bora Bora back in 2005 . At the time they were aboard Wanderer , a beautiful and capable Amel 53 . My father was onboard Ohana , he had grown up in the Bronx and worked in New York City for most of his career . As soon as he heard Vito 's deep Italian voice on the VHF he had to meet him . Kind of a cross between CarTalk and a Corleone . Just made you feel safe and nervous at the same time . Now Vito and I became quick friends and have remained so for over a decade . I TRUST him and value his opinion and on one topic in particular he was adamant and unwavering . . . . . . . . . . . . Hunter Legends . As soon as I mentioned this idea of a small beater boat for the east coast he said " Paully , you got ta look at da Hunter Legend ! " He had one for over a decade ( two actually if memory serves , a 37 ' and a 40 . 5 ) and just would not stop raving about the boat . I still had my 1987 snob hat on and kept politely deferring . Finally , I broke , as nothing was really feeling right on my search so far . I located a Hunter Legend 40 . 5 on the Eastern Shore of Maryland and invested the time to drive over onI met the broker and we trudged out against the north wind and as I walked up to Hunter Legend 40 . 5 for the first time the thing that struck me was that she was big . Just big compared to all the other 40 's I had been looking at . She had a 7 / 8th fractional rig which you J sailors know is a great set up for short handed sailing and powerful . The cockpit had a cutout transom ( wife request ) and there were hatches galore ! What 's going on here , it must leak like a sieve . We climbed aboard ( they have a high freeboard and are beamy which explains the interior volume ) and I mean climbed . Slid open the companionway hatch and I was just blown away by the cabin , oh my goodness , I was falling into the " boat show boat " trap ! This boat was twenty years old however and had not yet melted as Crusty had promised , good sign . A 50hp Yanmar diesel - yea , tons of cabinet space , plenty of light , a well laid out galley , two heads . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Vito was right , this boat was incredible . There must be a catch . With that many opening hatches let 's look for leaks , there were none . This particular boat was poorly maintained and run hard . The bones though looked great and it was time to find all the Hunter 40 . 5s on the East Coast and have a real look . That took an evening with Yachtworld along with one more drive up and down the coast looking at four examples of the boat . I had evidently seen the worst of the lot first and the other three I found were all in terrific condition . All were mid 90 's boats with light use and well maintained . The last of the bunch had an offer on it already and was a tri - cabin which I felt was superior with a family and left a cabin just for storing stuff . At first it was off the list given its pending sale put that sale fell through and I was able to finally get onboard . She was " the one " , you just know it . I have to thank Cherie Startner of Great Blue Yachts for just calling . I bugged her about the boat for a few days while the Annapolis Boat show was going on ( she was in the middle of it and having done So here we are Hunter owners . . . . . . . . . . who would have thought ? At this point we 've put about 3000 plus miles on her in a variety of conditions from Nantucket to Nassau . She has proved to be fast , seaworthy , comfortable at the dock and anchor as well as very easy to handle . That 's the story . I think at the end of the day whatever boat you find yourself in will work for almost anything . What they take is care , feeding and love . . . . . . . . . . . perhaps that 's the part you feel . . . . . . the love . I 've been thinking back over all of our passages over the years . There are several themes to each one , let 's call them the " life of a passage " . It starts ( the actual passage ) with dropping the lines . Everything before this moment is safe and predictable . See Madison 's blog entitled " Phase 2 " ( http : / / captain - andthekid . blogspot . com / 2015 / 05 / phase - 2 . html ) . I 'll copy the text below and save you the cut and paste . She talks about the provisioning , fixing , storing , preparing , reading , talking . . . . . . . . . . every fun thing we do before leaving on an extended passage . Dropping the lines though . . . . . . . taking off into the unknown . That 's another story . The worst time for me was leaving the Galapagos for the longest passage of our life , the 3000nm to the Marquesas . The first 48 hours were torture . All was fine on the boat , all were happy , just the feeling in the pit of my stomach . All the " what ifs " , they were real and turning around was not an option . That time passed and we developed a routine and those 18 days were some of the best memories of our cruising life . Those first 48 were part of it . Recently I found myself at Spicer 's Marina in Noank Connecticut about to take of on a solo delivery to Florida . Prior to leaving Becky said in no uncertain terms , " if you change your mind just don 't go , no biggie " . I had been in New England for a week or so at that point . Had made the Costco runs , visited Vito and Madeline from Wanderer , met all the neighbors on the dock and had begun to develop the marina friendships that sprout up quickly among our community . That Saturday was shaping up to be like many Saturdays on G pier at Spicers . The party boat was setting up across the dock and the beer was already flowing . The weekend " wash the boat " crowds were washing and the fisherman were cleaning fish . A BBQ was being set up on the dock and I was having a ball talking with everyone , asking questions , listening to stories , telling stories , the usual . The idea of leaving was just the furthest thing from my mind . . . . . . . . . . . . and the closest . For ( the picture for this post is from that day just after getting the autopilot working and heading over to Fisher 's Island ) A lot has happened over the course of 24 hours for us . Phase 2 is in motion and it hit hard today . What is phase 1 you ask ? Sit down mortals , grab some trail mix , let me explain . Phase 1 of sailing is getting on board , cleaning the boat , stocking the boat , provisioning , driving around boating supply stores in a rental car , learning how the toilets work , fixing the engine , buying silverware and kitcheny stuff , febreezing the heck out of everything , the list goes on . Believe it or not learning how toilets work on a boat is a very hard concept for most people to wrap their heads around . When I was a little girl and someone new would come onboard , before anything at all I would give them a tour of the boat and teach them how the toilets worked . That stuff is witchcraft man . Phase 1 of sailing is super important because if your boat isn 't organised and clean and everyone on board isn 't prepared , certified and educated on why turning off lights is so important , you probably aren 't ready for phase 2 . We 've spent a good week in phase 1 . The time we 've spent running through the isles of West Marine , Home Depot and Fawcett 's boat store , is crazy . You 'd think we were part time owners by now . Phase 2 is where stuff gets real . You leave the marina and get a mooring . The boat starts rocking . You 're seasick . You walk around in your underwear . This is when you know there 's no turning back . Today I knew it was phase 2 because when I woke up my dad was gone , and my little boatie kid instincts said to make breakfast . Not to do any phase 1 stuff , just jump right into boat life and start the day because I know we had some sailing ahead of us . I made my dad spam and eggs and I made a bowl of pineapple for myself . When I was a kid spam was like a gift from God . Kel and I would smell spam in the morning and we knew it was someones birthday or Jesus had come back or something . My sister and I held spam on the highest pedestal in terms of breakfast foods . I realised today my childhood was a lie and spam is just dog food strategically placAfter cabin inspection and the kitchen and boat was all clean , my dad 's friend and the boatyard manager , Ted came over to help fix our engine . He talked to us for a long , long time about life and politics and the history of the city . He 's lived here for most of his life and he told us when he was a kid black people would live underneath the tiniest abandoned boats that were just left there on the side of the creek . They would crab all day , cook fish at night , and just raise their kids and live their lives . He said they were the nicest people and would always talk to him and his friends when they walked the creek like Huckleberry Finn or something . Keep in mind , this was a totally different time in history . The black people would flip the boats over so they could use them as shelter and a place to sleep . Eventually , in the immancipation proclamation , Abe Lincoln gave that land away to the black people . The white people didn 't want it because of the bugs . What a bunch of wimpies . Ted was a cool guy to listen to . The people you meet sailing are really the folks you 'll remember your entire life . I have friends my age and I have some amazing people in my day to day life but the characters I really remember are the weirdos you run into on the water . I don 't see them all the time , and I may never see them again in my life but I 'll never forget the people I met as a kid cruising . We still have life long friends from Norway , England , all over America , and every corner of the planet . Not a lot are my age and I can 't relate to any of them that well but learning about other people 's lives and stories is really a gift and if you have the chance to talk to people , especially travelling I highly recommend it . My dad and I drove to do a couple more errands to finish off the tedious and draining phase 1 . We dropped off the rental car and got a taxi back to the boat yard . I can 't stand taxis , it 's like paying someone to kidnap you and your family . They might as well just carry candy with them , give you the whole experience . We got back to the boatyard and took off . We just sailed to downtown Annapolis and there were tons of boats out . It 's a total sailing town , every single person that lives there owns a boat or at least works or crews on one . I didn 't get behind the wheel , I just took care of lines and tying the boat on and off . When we finally approached the mooring my dad left getting the boat on the mooring up to me which wasn 't too scary until we got up close to it . The notion that I 'd never done this before kicked in and I was really nervous I was going to fall overboard or ya know , miss the mooring . I got the line on the boat on the first try though . It was pretty neat . If I accomplished anything this Summer , it was that . I took a stellar nap . My dad tried like crazy to inflate the dingy but nothing was working . Our pump looked like something you would get at party and craft and it was killing him trying to blow this . . thing up . I woke up when it started getting dark outside and there was another guy in the cockpit with my dad . Turns out the boat next to us was from Wasilla , Alaska . I know , the world is so little . Once again , you meet the nicest people sailing . He talked to us about his life , and how he went to Wasilla high and some stuff about politics . Everyone talks about politics with my dad and I . Anyway , this guy , Nick brought a better dingy pump and helped us blow up the dingy and get it in the water . He blogs too . Check out knoticalnic . wordpress . com . I knew knot puns weren 't lame . My dad and I caught the water taxi into town to have some dinner and catch some of the Saturday night action . The city of Annapolis is crazy at night . It 's filled with drunk , white people . Kind of like a family get together at my uncle Jason 's house . We walked the streets and got some sweet tea and dinner at the cutest little diner . I 'm a tea conniosseur and I 'm all about sweet tea but sweet tea in the South is on a whole different level . This was like 90 % sugar . It was diabetes in the cup . I could feel my mom in Alaska screaming . It 's about 12 : 30am here now . I 'm wide awake and I probably will be for a long while . I have a lot on my mind . The one thing about blogging that makes me feel annoying is that it 's mostly or all about my life and experiences . Which is okay , I understand the only people reading this are probably a little curious as to what a 17 year old girl on a boat gets up to on the daily . I cherish people that take time to tell me they read what I write and they find it interesting or funny . My favorite thing is when other people or my friends tell me about their day and what 's going on in their lives so if you do things doing your day , or don 't do things feel free to message me on any site you please and tell me about it . I 'm on a boat , I have a lot of free time to listen . And I love doing so . Even when my nana writes to tell me about her garden club , or my friends back home tell me about their drunk camping trips , I love it . I soak that stuff up . Tell me about your awkward first dance , tell me about what you want to do in the future , tell me about how you picked up 5 cats on the side of the road and your mom said you can 't keep them but they lived in your closet for a week because you couldn 't part with them . Because that 's someone 's life and it 's cool to be apart of that . People are such complex beings , and the day to day stuff that makes up their entire exitence is super cool to hear about . The connections you make , you could have for your entire life . All I do on this blog is tell you about the little bits and peices that I do everyday on the boat , and people seem to read it . I looked at the stats yesterday which is wild considering I can barely work the oven by myself . I 'm like an old lady trying to use an iphone for the first time , I swear . I 'm not as technologically savvy as I seem . Trying to use google maps on my phone is like trying to navigate the mars rover for me . My friends can testify . Anyway , It said over 400 people looked at this blog just yesterday , which kind of freaks me out but it encourages me that people Hugs and kisses from the sea , xo Started this back in 2008 and abandoned quickly for other options . Time has gone by and we 're back ! After many adventures across the Caribbean and Pacific aboard Ohana we are back on it aboard Ohana II . The idea was to find a simple inexpensive boat that Madison and Kelsey could sail . [ . . . ] Also to spend time exploring the East coast and Bahamas and basically getting back to the basics Becky and I enjoyed upon Scarlett . Hope you enjoy ! Also Check out captain - andthekid @ blogspot . com for Madison 's blog : - )
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Each morning I wake to find a bunch of questions posted on " Cruisers and Sailing Forums " . I love taking the time to read and respond where I can . A common question is what to " get rid of " before moving aboard . We 're all for minimization , a pair of socks comes on , a pair goes off . That being said when closing up a household we did not consider that we may one day move back , which we did . This little post is in respect to this topic : - ) _____ Most of the posts that I have seen here on CF since I 've joined last year all talk about moving aboard ( myself included ) . But what happens if you have to , want to , return to a land - based lifestyle ? I only remember seeing one recent post concerning life after cruising ( but I am sure there are more in older posts ) . _____ I like this perspective on considering this very question . We did move aboard and sailed / lived for a decade overseas . We sold the house and all the furniture in it along with most of my larger power tools ( that was a minor mistake ) . We did keep our real estate holdings and in one of the buildings I carved out a storage area for our more treasured belongings . We had traveled a lot before the " big trip " and had lots of little reminders with special meanings , lots of books ( classics and rare ) and lots of artwork etc . After 3 years we ended up in New Zealand where we obtained residency and put our girls in school . On a business trip back to Alaska I arranged to have all that " stuff " sent down . It was like Christmas opening up those boxes and although a bit on the expensive side , putting those items in our new home in NZ made it really feel like home . 7 years later we moved back to the States for a number of reasons which we do not regret at all . This time we hired a 20 ' container and sent what had been accumulated in NZ back after a BIG GARAGE SALE . Now our Alaskan home has a twenty years worth of history and it 's nice to look back over all those memories and tell stories through all those small little items . REGRET ? I should have stored all the big stuff we gave away . Tools first - table saw ( 2000 sold for probably 500 ) and lots of stuff like that . All the sports gear , bikes , kayaks , skis , winter wear , Jeep , etc . Perhaps even some of the furniture . The truth is most all new live aboard cruisers return to land at some point . That would be an interesting survey . The math is pretty straight forward , value of replacing items with storage costs for a given period of time . The sentimental value something different . Found this while muddling through an old laptop . Just a few weeks ago we were back at Rudder Cay . Madison is now 18 and we are short one hull ( Catamaran Pun , please forgive ) . The rhythm felt the same , right down to the dinner : - ) The pic above is from that night fourteen years ago and of the " plastic chairs " we found on the beach . Enjoy ! 5 : 30 Awake , check position and remember to turn off anchor light . Indicator light burned out so placed post - it with big A on it to remind me . Read " Prey " until … 6 : 10 Kelsey cries , wet diaper . Changed and made a break for my book . Had large glass of water , neglected to put coffee on . 6 : 20 Kelsey up , book over . Asking for mama but wants me . Played on settee and brought her down to help wake mama up . 6 : 30 Madison awake , wet her bed which I discovered earlier . She informs me of the same and apologizes . Hard to get mad at her . Making plan to clean sheets using washing contraption . 7 : 00 Clifford , big red dog playing since 6 : 35 while I tried to sneak in a little more book before Becky awoke . She 's up now and wondering where coffee is and why the dishes are not done . Put coffee on , should boil over within 5 minutes . 7 : 05 Boiled over . 7 : 06 to 8 : 00 Made breakfast for self and did dishes . Cleared deck from previous day and made dinghy ready to be lifted . While lifting took the time to spray out the sand . Checked both bilges and pumped port . 8 : 00 to 9 : 00 Talked about future plans and summer housing . Also plans for the day and where we would like to go . Declined offer to go spear fishing , anxious to get moving north . Decided to sail inside of islands , read up on route and made ready . Started engines to make hot water for Becky 's shower and charge batteries . Also turned on watermaker and checked its output . Had Beck bring up the anchor as a drill . She also took the time to raise the main but I finished the heavy lifting . 9 : 00 - 10 : 00 Beautiful sail from Rat Cay to Adderley . Shallow area , on high alert ! Crystal clear water and perfect wind ghosting along at 6 knots over 6 feet of water . Some minor nail biting . Looked hard for El McPherson 's house . 10 : 00 - 11 : 00 Out the cut and into deep water . Lots of current ! Jib down and messed around with the spinnaker for a while . Girls playing in fort on cockpit . Must be a million degrees out here ! Sweating through everything and a lot of running around . 12 : 00 - 1 : 00 Find our way into Rudder Cut and Darby . Trouble deciding which way to go . Saw some nudies heading to Rudder so decided on Darby . Shallow anchorage so dove on anchor , looked ok . Set anchor watch on GPS . Dove on speed transducer and freed it . Also measured depth of water precisely . 2 : 00 - 2 : 30 Kelsey napping , Maddie playing quietly , Beck in cockpit having a peaceful moment . Sneak into cabin and finish Prey ! Now I can think again ! 2 : 30 - 3 : 00 Empty dinghy and lower into water , think upper body workout . Called Little Darby for permission to hike up to castle . Got kids lubed up with sunscreen and gear . 3 : 00 - 5 : 00 Off to island to explore castle . Everything going well until we get out of the dinghy and are assaulted by three dogs ! Kids terrified , mom upset and we are out of there . Would have been nice if the caretaker had mentioned these ! Motored over to Rudder and the round house . Second highlight of the day , the first being the sail from Rat to Adderly . We landed on the beach and walked up to the house . Pretty much just as we had left it eight years ago . The limo was gone however . Back to the beach where two plastic chairs were left behind and amazingly in semi working condition ! We were able to sit and the girls played with a stick . Boy have things changed ! Hung out until the sun started to get low . Spent a fair amount of time with some lizards as well . 5 : 00 - 6 : 00 Family trampoline time and happy hour ! Noticed how low the tide was and decided to " walk " around the boat ! Took the time to scrub the exhaust stains of off the transoms . Sun dipped and I climbed back aboard to help with dinner . 6 : 00 - 7 : 00 Dinner , chicken and rice , and evening routine . LOTS of dishes . Tooth brushing and beginning of book reading . I read to Kelsey , about 8 books and she wanted to keep going . She was asleep by 7 : 30 and I dosed off with her . Continue journal around 8 : 30 8 : 30 - 10 : 30 Going through West Marine catalog making up large wish list . Going page by page . Spent and hour putting together screens for the boat . Well worth the effort . Purchased some screen before we left . That and a little duck tape do the trick . Took measurement for some more Lewmar screens . Wrote several eMails and sent . At least an hour spent on reading business stuff from Anchorage and responding . In bed by 10 : 30 I 'm a closet " motorer " and now that I think about it , a proud one . I have a feeling I am not alone . There is a certain glamour to the idea of sailing , there is a certain practicality to actually " getting there " . First let 's talk about sailing , the act of actually putting up sails and going . For many years I raced and this was all that was allowed . Perhaps that explains my canvas rebellion . Now before I get too far ahead of myself I must say good advice to any " newbie " is RACE . Being wet , cold , injured , verbally abused while inebriated will prepare you for much of what the ocean has in store . I personally was never entrusted with much aft of the foredeck so " cold and wet " pretty much encapsulate those formative years . Racing prepares one for the inevitable and constant failures that plague even modern rigs . There is a degree of physical fitness , a step or two up from golf , and a large amount of problem solving under pressure . Racing also has a large social component which forces one to pledge allegiance to all things canvas . The part that is kind of funny is anytime we had to actually GET the boat anywhere we MOTORED . So how much do we motor over sail ? I 'd say 80 / 20 ( ah Pareto 's Law ) . Yes folks this sailing blog should be a powerboat blog . Heresy you say . Now this was not the case in the Pacific and the tradewinds . One of the most wonderful qualities of that stretch of ocean is the consistent beam to broad reach . The dirty little secret , however , was that the problem was rarely too much wind , the challenge , more times than not , was too little . At these times rather than sit there clanging around in the swell we would " fire em up " . Ohana ( the catamaran ) had two 27hp yanmars and with one ticking away a few things would happen . First , the boat would start moving , from four knots to seven . This alone was a great motivator to captain and crew . The boat would " quiet down " except for the hum of the diesel of course , but that was oddly comforting . On a light air trip from Fiji to New Zealand we had one engine on ALL THE TIME . That 's seven days ! It was me and a friend and as I recall he said " it made him comfortable " to hear the purring of a well tuned diesel . I 'm all about making our crew comfortable . The second reason I 'm not shy about firing up an engine or two is safety . Generally I 'm sailing short handed and being at anchor is a lot safer than being on the ocean . A well maintained diesel can run for thousands of hours and the engines LIKE being used . The key words " well maintained " opens up a whole new entertainment center for the cruiser . Maintaining a diesel engine is fun in itself and rewarding , at least in my world of limited entertainment . This piece is basically a rationalization piece to those of us who like the hear the hum of a motor and are looking for an excuse to come out of the shadows and share our enthusiasm for the same . It is also a call to those who have the " dream " to consider not just looking up , but also looking down , into the darkness of their engine rooms and embrace that warm lovable hunk of iron . Let 's take a few brief minutes to discuss what the little darling needs and what the benefits are of making her your best friend . The ONE THING a diesel engine needs is CLEAN FUEL . That 's pretty much it . An intimate knowledge of your fuel system is a must and if you bought a used boat , particularly one that has seen little use , you already have a challenge . Your fuel is dirty , just make that assumption . What to do ? Filtration . Now I 'm not a fuel expert and I 'm not recommending any particular products . I have used Raycor filters on just about every boat I can recall and the cartridges are EASY to obtain WORLDWIDE , carry lots . Now the best setup is one that has two filters in parallel and allows you to switch to the second filter as the first becomes fouled . I don 't have this on the current Ohana nor on the previous ( cheap bastard ) . The key to know when your filter is on its way out is a vacuum gauge . Mount this invaluable gadget where it is easily seen and check it often . I watch ours regularly and for the first couple of 100 hours on Ohana 2 she would gum up fairly quickly . What was happening was we were essentially " polishing " the fuel . After two hundred hours or so this has become much less frequent . There is a filter on your engine as well and is often neglected . This filter does not need to be changed as often as the Raycor filter , which does most of the heavy lifting , but does need to be attended to on occasion . The second key is keeping the tools needed to change the filter right next to the filter . This includes in our case a plastic folgers coffee can and a one gallon jug of clean diesel to fill the new filter . I do the same thing for the alternator belt . All three wrenches to change the belt are in their own pocket in our tool bag . Changing that belt should be able to be accomplished in 3 minutes or less ( the replacement is hanging in the engine room ready to go ) . The dreaded " bleeding " of the engine . For some reason this little operation strikes more fear into the hearts of mariners than warranted . Air is the enemy to your diesel and if a bit gets in , usually during the filter changing process , she won 't want to run . If you change your filter , add fuel before reinstalling and generally do a tidy job , odds are she will fire right up , burp a few times and then purr like a kitten . If you don 't and you find you have to bleed , fret not . It 's an easy operation best done first at the dock on a nice calm day close to a NAPA store . If you are really hesitant to touch your engine hire a diesel mechanic the first time and " pay your tuition " . While he is there question him down about every little trick and do your best to keep him well hydrated and happy . Start with a water / soda combination , transition to beer as the job appears to be reaching its natural conclusion . Money well spent . After this it 's oil and oxygen . Change oil often , engine AND transmission . Again have all the tools at the ready , no searching involved for the oil , as far as the oxygen goes make sure your baby can get it . I have not had a proper air filter on any our last few motors so have not worried about much . Odds are you will leave your boat for periods of time unattended . Do yourself a favor and top up the diesel just before putting her to bed . This helps prevent condensation and depending on what climate you leave her in this could be considerable . Condensation equals water and water to diesel is like . . . . . . . any suggestions ? Let 's just say it ain 't good ! One final note regarding your power set up is that expensive bronze thing that sits at the end of the shaft , your prop . Successful long distance motoring is dramatically enhanced with the right one . This topic is so loaded and passions run so high that I will defer to your good sense to do your research and come to your own conclusions . For me I 've stuck with a fixed three bladed prop , the largest that makes sense and it appeals to my sense of simple . This in on our monohulls , the cat came with two adjustable pitch max props . When we first got her she was terribly over pitched with the engines not able to get over 2100 rpm . Again setting up props and deciding on the right pitch is way beyond the scope of this short story but is something you must understand and address . Once you get it right you will motor with confidence into wind and sea and be able to back up like a pro . Take the time . Back to motoring . . . . Enjoy it , for a few delightful years I had the opportunity to drive an Auckland New Zealand Harbor Ferry , the Osprey . Two BIG twin caterpillar diesel , great crew ( nod to Captains Kent , Gordon , Alan , John and Jackie ( stewardess who may actually read this if she finds it on FB ) , plenty of waterline , 24 knots at cruise . Three stories above the water , in the full beam pilot house , life couldn 't get better . We would dock thirty eight times a shift in all sorts of conditions and get to see the harbor in every mood and season . Did I mention three stories up and climate controlled ( sort of ) ? Flash forward to the fall of 2015 delivering a little forty footer ( Ohana 2 ) from Noank to Nassau . Out on Long Island Sound heading west into a brisk breeze , little Yanmar ticking away , foulies zipped up tight . As I listened to the engine hum " that " thought crossed my mind , as it crosses many seasoned sailors . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . memories of the ferry . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . and the idea that perhaps it 's time to look for a Trawler ; - ) P . S . Speaking of Motoring Madison and I will be doing the same around the Bahamas from about January 25th 2017 to February 20th 2017 . If you see us do stop on by ! ! ! Now I have met folks cruising on an ultra budget who were doing a great job of it . A couple we met in Tonga come to mind . They were young and on a 40 some odd foot non - descript monohull . At the beach party in Vavauu , anchorage 14 , they were roasting some fish on the fire for their dinner . We had a great talk about their travels and " living off the land " . My wife 's cousin and his partner are another example . At a Christmas party two decades ago he asked me , with great enthusiasm coupled with little sailing experience , what kind of boat he could get cheap and sail offshore with . I thought about it and said " Crealock Dreadnaught 32 " and left it at that . A few months later he called and said he bought one ( I about fell of my chair ! ) , they left from Juneau Alaska with a 50lb bag of rice and a spear gun ( I 'm exaggerating , but not too much ) and ended up in Japan where they sold the boat . They went on to buy a 40 ' steel hull at a scrap yard , lived in it at the scrap yard while they " built it " . A year or two later took off again for Mexico , Hawaii , Midway ( where they worked for a year to build up their funds ) and then back to Alaska . He even built the MAST from a pipe ! ! ! These kind of folks can and do cruise on a budget of 500 . 00 per month . Now for the rest of us . . . . . . . . When I see an online post saying " I want to buy a $ 20 , 000 . 00 ocean going boat and cruise on 800 . 00 per month and I need to learn how to sail " I kind of wince . The advice that comes out on the chat room is good and it can be done , see the above , but is it likely ? The two examples earlier were of folks who lived off the land well before going cruising and who were predisposed to doing lots with very little . Those of us who come from fairly comfortable land based occupations with partners and children who are accustomed to certain " comforts " this notion of spending next to nothing each month generally ends prematurely and poorly . One day I was walking back to Ohana at Palm Harbor Marina in West Palm and saw a man sitting on the dock literally in tears . I walked up to ask if all was ok and struck up " the conversation " about what happened . This is not the first conversation like this I have had , in fact , had the same one just last year in Cape May with a man on a nice Pacific Seacraft Crealock 34 ( I detect a theme ) . The conversation goes something like this : " I 've dreamed of cruising my whole life . I read everything , researched everything , bought the boat and had a great couple of years outfitting her and fixing her up . Finally we decided to go and headed down to Florida in anticipation of sailing to the Bahamas and points south . Somewhere around Charleston my wife quit . She said it 's too . . . . . . . . . fill in all the " too 's " , too hot , expensive , cold , boring , terrifying , lonely , far from the kids , claustrophobic . . . . . . you get the idea . So here I am with my dream and I have to sell it . " The Cape May guy was more to the point of finances . He had done all of the same and had a VERY specific monthly budget . His transmission gave up in Cape May ( see upcoming post on " motoring " to know why ) and he literally could not afford to replace and nor afford to keep her at a dock or haul her out and store her . He was selling and he was having a fire sale . For a brief moment , as he told his story , I considered offering to help and pay for a transmission but as he kept talking I changed my mind . It would only be subsidizing what he was already ill prepared for and would just end a little further down the ditch . The point , for most folks , it 's going to " cost " a lot more than you think . Nothing makes me happier than to see folks out there really ENJOYING the life and not constantly on the wrong side of the ledger . Speaking of which I better get to work so we can go off sailing next week ! Have a blessed day all ! Early on we shared a boat with a good friend and sailed about six months a year ( he sailed the other six ) . Read earlier post " back story " for the details . Here 's the story . One afternoon I found myself sitting on a remote beach , Scarlett anchored just offshore with a Nordhavn 60 ' anchored nearby . We were the only two . We had brought the dinghy in for some afternoon exploring and a swim . Soon after we arrived the Nordhavn launched their tender ( we had a dinghy , they had a tender ) and they headed to our beach . I 've forgotten the man 's name but this scene played out many times over the years . We 'd say hello and each couple would begin to tell their story . He would be late 50 's to early 60 's . Second marriage and they were " living the dream " . Where from , where going , etc . After a few minutes the ladies would walk off to chat and we would sit down in the shade and talk a bit more . The next question would be " what do you do ? " I 'm sure you 've been there and you have your story . I 'd share ours . Given our tender ages there was some genuine interest in how we managed to get there and be able to spend several months " living the dream " . We would then proceed to share stories of business and finances and experiences . At some point in the conversation I would ask my question , what 's your best advice ? Being 30 years old on a beach with a man who has led his life is such an opportunity . On more than one occasion the advice would be similar to the advice the man from the 60 ' Nordhavn gave . Paul , see that boat there and my beautiful wife ? Yes . I would trade it all to have my family . You see Paul I worked 24 / 7 for twenty years to build my business . We were wildly successful . I provided every material want my family needed , all except one . . . . . . . . me . Time went by , divorce , estrangement from my children and now grandchildren . Paul , if you can , and it seems you might be able to , take the years your children are growing up and spend it with them . That was the advice and this happened on more than one occasion . Those days of childless wandering did come to a close . Scarlett was sold and we settled into life in Anchorage Alaska . We continued to grow our business , built a house , had our first daughter in 1998 . Our second arrived in 2001 . Those words stuck with me . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . One day I came home from another 14 hour day to find my lovely wife sitting in our " playroom " staring at the world map ( that map sits behind me right now 15 years later ) . We had a conversation about " what we were doing and what we could do " . That advice , " take the years your children are growing up and spend it with them . " was ringing in my head . We then made the worst financial decision of our lives . Fifteen years later , thousands of ocean miles , residents of a new country , we still eat and travel and pay taxes . Are we as " wealthy " as we could have been ? Not by a long shot , but I 'm convinced if we stayed on the track we were on and failed to heed that wise advice , I would have ended up sitting on a beach giving advice to a young man to , if at all possible , " take those precious years that your family is growing up and spend it with them . " Blessings all . . . . . How often have you heard this ? Now I have always been a destination guy . Always " moving " towards some distant goal and the places in between were on " The Plan " . I never really thought much about this until this last month when I found myself with absolutely NO PLAN . Now Steve and Jim at Loggerhead Marina ( Highly recommend ) in Stuart did not like this as it really messes with the paperwork ! More on that shortly for those who dare to read this whole post . The rough plan this month was to come down to Florida for spring break with Madison our oldest . I was to fly down early and get the boat ready including all new mast and rigging with some golf thrown in . Madison would fly down solo for her first time and together we would spend 10 days " doing our thing " . Well the rigging and mast plan went great and when she arrived we sat down to come up with " The Plan " . We had nothing : - ) The decision was made to sail out and see what the conditions dictated and take it from there . This is new territory for dear Captain and honestly , was kind of refreshing . Rather than some epic goal we would just go . So on Wednesday morning we dropped lines , pumped the poop and let Steve and Jim know we were leaving for good , or not . We headed out Stuart inlet and turned ESE for West End Bahamas ( habit ) . About 20 miles out and well into the Gulf Stream Madison said " I 'd really like to have ice cream at Sloans " . See we purchased Ohana 1 ( the cat ) in West Palm Beach in 2002 ( Madison was 4 at the time ) and spent the better part of two years in and out of Palm Harbor Marina as we prepared her for the Caribbean and Pacific . West Palm holds many fond memories : Two Girls Pizza , Clematis Street , The " Fountain " where the kids could play and Sloans Ice Cream . But what about " The Plan " ? ? ? There was none ! We turned to the South West , a pod of dolphins joined us and off we went to get ice cream . Now I had visions of waking to a Bahamas sunrise in West End and working our way to Marsh Harbor , leaving the boat there . We ended up visiting the Four Arts and med ( See Photo Gallery for lots of Pics ) I walked past the mega yachts that surrounded little Ohana at the Viaduct Marina in Auckland . One in particular , I 've forgotten the name , stood out . I looked at the table set on the afterdeck , it was spectacular . Three crew members were in attendance , the guests soon to arrive . . . . . . . . . . . . . lighting perfect , settings perfect . . . . . . . . . . . . what were they going to discuss , I would never know . At first I thought about the " consumption . " Who needs all that , how did they " get " it , why does it matter ? To be honest I had a bit of envy along with a bit of curiosity . So much . . . . . . . . why ? I thought about it . I would have loved to have been a fly on that wall . Here 's what I came up with : The conversations that take place around a table are the fuel . The people that contribute are the engine . If we 're blessed we can enjoy many evenings with many people who make our lives richer and fuller for having sat there . The photo gallery on this blog home page entitled " Happy Hours " captures a few of these evenings we had the honor to enjoy aboard Ohana . I have a feeling that if a boat might be a measure of one 's material success , the quality of the conversations around those tables , such as the yacht I was looking at , might be a good measure of a one 's hospitality , curiosity and inquisitiveness . So that gets us back to our humble little table . It is easy for a man to look " up " to bigger and better . Our " table " wasn 't on a mega yacht but for us may as well have been . It has entertained a wide variety of characters from all over the world . Who would have thought a boy and girl from humble beginnings in New York and Alaska would sit with corporate giants , financiers , pastors , hippies , singers , actors , tech moguls , eccentrics , escapists . . . . . . . . . . . the list goes on . It all happened around our little table . Speaking of " happy hour " I 've had a few so will sign off early . Invite people . . . . . . . . . . . . . they make it oh so colorful . One last story . This fall I was sailing south and found myself in Sandy Hook ( Atlantic Highlands NJ ) . Earlier in the day the engine died and was an afternoon of back and forth to NAPA to sort things out . At first I hitched a ride with a local , his wife and brother in law . I realized soon after that NAPA was a short walk and made several trips back and forth as I diagnosed the problem . It 's part of the deal and those folks were great ! Well 6pm was rolling around and I was sitting in the cockpit looking around and a noticed a dinghy going boat to boat inviting people over for happy hour . I thought " I 'd like to have happy hour " but kept my hand down . Well Scott came by Ohana and invited me ! I hopped aboard and soon realized his other passenger was the fellow who drove me to NAPA ! We ended up aboard Tamure and enjoyed a great evening with every single hander in the harbor along with Scott and Kitty who it turns out are a bit of legends in the sailing world . Their boat was a living museum . Check out their site for Tamure by clicking on the link . Along with these two links Great Escape and Atlantic Circle We sat in the cockpit around their " table " and as the evening progressed moved down below . It was magic . They took the time to invite and that is an encouragement to me to do the same . At times I resist but I know that all that is good occurs around that place , the table . CruisersForum has a lot of questions regarding storm tactics with Catamarans . I have to confess I asked many of the same when we first bought Ohana and went as far as purchasing a monster parachute anchor which we carried all over the Caribbean and Pacific . We never deployed it . This is my stab at answering , at least , how we did it . The question is always " what were the worst conditions you were ever in . " That answer is a four hour period between Tonga and New Zealand in 2005 where we were averaging 16 knots in some pretty big seas . The video above is from a trip to Tonga in 2010 with the aforementioned Vito onboard . It looks rough but the boat could handle that and much more . That was pretty much it . Of the tens of thousands of miles I 've covered those four hours and 60 some odd miles were the most lively . The 2005 experience ? Well later on I 'll discuss my philosophy of sailing " with the storm " , suffice it to say we were doing just that and the wind was off our quarter where we wanted it and the seas were with us so to speak . . . . and they were big . Reef early ( that 's a tip ) , and we had , but even with a triple reef in the main and a handkerchief of jib out we were FLYING and it was loud . The sound a big cat makes going over 10 knots is like living in a waterfall . Going 15 - 16 is a whole other story . Down each wave she accelerates and it was those few moments at the bottom where I had pause . Bows please come up . . . . . . . . . and each time they would and I would say " elevator up ! " This went on for four hours or so as we ducked under the lower part of the system on our way south . That was the most tense I 've been while offshore . Believe it or not the girls played quietly on the deck in the main salon and Becky looked up every now and then and asked if we were ok , amazing . Disclaimer : The advise here is free and you get what you pay for . Take it for it is , know your boat well and be honest about your skill set . I would also equip much differently for sailing in high latitudes or off season . The other thing I 've learned is the boat can take a lot more than the crew . We were in conditions like the video for several days after leaving Opua , several large monohulls actually turned back . Ohana kept skipping along . One night Garth , who was along for his first offshore passage , wanted to go on deck and put one final reef in . My advise to him was " nothing good cPoint 3 - I 'm scratching my chin here . All that comes to mind is how important it is to know your personal limits and not put your crew or yourself in a situation you or the boat are not truly prepared to handle . That and DO NOT sail on a schedule if at all possible . This is about catamarans and if you 've read this far you probably own one so here is the final dirty little secret , they all slam ( some more than others ) , they all take 15 knots of wind to really get moving and none of them really go to weather nor should they . All the more reason to sail the fronts in my opinion and keep her moving , when the wind falls below 10 knots and the boat slows to 4 time to kick on an engine . Time to hit the sack internet friends ! Have a blessed day and many happy and safe miles . I am the most unlikely Hunter owner . Back in the " day " selling boats was the game and Hunter was a big no - no . I was a Hunter Snob with no real reason to be so , short of a little conversation at a boat show . I was actually looking at the Hunters and commenting on how nice they were for the money . At twenty some odd years old what did I know ? Let 's call him Crusty , the broker who had taken me under his wing , said " boat show boat " . That was all it took to turn me off to Hunters . Three words . What does " boat show boat " mean ? Basically a boat the wife likes at the boat show , huge interiors , ticks all the boxes , priced well and falls apart after a few years in the Florida sun . Soon after , as a young yacht broker , I actually sold a Hunter and it looked just like Crusty described , weather beaten and tired . Tied up behind a house in Port Orange Florida we limped it up to Seven Seas Marina in Daytona for haul out and inspection . All I believed about Hunters seemed to be true . That was the last I thought of Hunters until I met Vito but , before we introduce this character , one has to ask why was I looking for a boat like a Hunter in the first place . I wasn 't . This past Alaska winter our oldest daughter looked at me and said " Dad , what good is all this experience if you don 't share it ? " followed with , " can we get a boat and just you and I spend the summer sailing together . " Annie get your gun ! I was off to the races . This coincided with an article in Cruising Outpost issue # 8 entitled " The Whole Nine Yards " the story of two girls , a dog , a cat and a 27 ' boat ( support Bob Bitchin and buy the mag , it 's worth the eight bucks ) . That question and article set the Berger wheels in motion . Let 's find a small " beater boat " , not too fancy and easily handled by one or two . Something the girls could grow into and make it their own should they have the desire . The usual suspects came to mind , Catalina 30 , J 30 , C & C 30 or up a little to the 35 ' range . After a good talk with long suffering wife ( who , bless her heart , generally supports a good ole adventure after the idea has a little time to marinate ) gave her approval and I began the search . Now there is a whole other post on buying boats and I wrote it a few days ago and it was summarily VAPORIZED by sailblogs . Here is the cliff note version : Know that as you look " the one " will likely show up and don 't be afraid to buy it . That 's basically it . The " one " is easier to see after you 've been on a few and start to get a feel for what 's out there . In the case of this project the size quickly grew to 40 ' as we adjusted and thought about family vacations with all four of us and the prospect of having a relatively inexpensive floating condo . Fair enough and in our experience 40 ' still met the expectation of being easily handled by one or two . I flew into Annapolis late April and started the hunt . This took me from Deltaville Virginia as far north as Westport Connecticut . I looked at Beneteaus , Catalina , Jenneaus and two newer Hunters . Nothing was " clicking " although the Hunters were cool they had the new B & R rigs ( no backstay ) and one had the expected deck leaks that I had been warned of . Remember Vito ? Picture a Sicilian bull dog with a heart of gold . We met Vito , Madeline and their daughter Amanda in Bora Bora back in 2005 . At the time they were aboard Wanderer , a beautiful and capable Amel 53 . My father was onboard Ohana , he had grown up in the Bronx and worked in New York City for most of his career . As soon as he heard Vito 's deep Italian voice on the VHF he had to meet him . Kind of a cross between CarTalk and a Corleone . Just made you feel safe and nervous at the same time . Now Vito and I became quick friends and have remained so for over a decade . I TRUST him and value his opinion and on one topic in particular he was adamant and unwavering . . . . . . . . . . . . Hunter Legends . As soon as I mentioned this idea of a small beater boat for the east coast he said " Paully , you got ta look at da Hunter Legend ! " He had one for over a decade ( two actually if memory serves , a 37 ' and a 40 . 5 ) and just would not stop raving about the boat . I still had my 1987 snob hat on and kept politely deferring . Finally , I broke , as nothing was really feeling right on my search so far . I located a Hunter Legend 40 . 5 on the Eastern Shore of Maryland and invested the time to drive over onI met the broker and we trudged out against the north wind and as I walked up to Hunter Legend 40 . 5 for the first time the thing that struck me was that she was big . Just big compared to all the other 40 's I had been looking at . She had a 7 / 8th fractional rig which you J sailors know is a great set up for short handed sailing and powerful . The cockpit had a cutout transom ( wife request ) and there were hatches galore ! What 's going on here , it must leak like a sieve . We climbed aboard ( they have a high freeboard and are beamy which explains the interior volume ) and I mean climbed . Slid open the companionway hatch and I was just blown away by the cabin , oh my goodness , I was falling into the " boat show boat " trap ! This boat was twenty years old however and had not yet melted as Crusty had promised , good sign . A 50hp Yanmar diesel - yea , tons of cabinet space , plenty of light , a well laid out galley , two heads . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Vito was right , this boat was incredible . There must be a catch . With that many opening hatches let 's look for leaks , there were none . This particular boat was poorly maintained and run hard . The bones though looked great and it was time to find all the Hunter 40 . 5s on the East Coast and have a real look . That took an evening with Yachtworld along with one more drive up and down the coast looking at four examples of the boat . I had evidently seen the worst of the lot first and the other three I found were all in terrific condition . All were mid 90 's boats with light use and well maintained . The last of the bunch had an offer on it already and was a tri - cabin which I felt was superior with a family and left a cabin just for storing stuff . At first it was off the list given its pending sale put that sale fell through and I was able to finally get onboard . She was " the one " , you just know it . I have to thank Cherie Startner of Great Blue Yachts for just calling . I bugged her about the boat for a few days while the Annapolis Boat show was going on ( she was in the middle of it and having done So here we are Hunter owners . . . . . . . . . . who would have thought ? At this point we 've put about 3000 plus miles on her in a variety of conditions from Nantucket to Nassau . She has proved to be fast , seaworthy , comfortable at the dock and anchor as well as very easy to handle . That 's the story . I think at the end of the day whatever boat you find yourself in will work for almost anything . What they take is care , feeding and love . . . . . . . . . . . perhaps that 's the part you feel . . . . . . the love . I 've been thinking back over all of our passages over the years . There are several themes to each one , let 's call them the " life of a passage " . It starts ( the actual passage ) with dropping the lines . Everything before this moment is safe and predictable . See Madison 's blog entitled " Phase 2 " ( http : / / captain - andthekid . blogspot . com / 2015 / 05 / phase - 2 . html ) . I 'll copy the text below and save you the cut and paste . She talks about the provisioning , fixing , storing , preparing , reading , talking . . . . . . . . . . every fun thing we do before leaving on an extended passage . Dropping the lines though . . . . . . . taking off into the unknown . That 's another story . The worst time for me was leaving the Galapagos for the longest passage of our life , the 3000nm to the Marquesas . The first 48 hours were torture . All was fine on the boat , all were happy , just the feeling in the pit of my stomach . All the " what ifs " , they were real and turning around was not an option . That time passed and we developed a routine and those 18 days were some of the best memories of our cruising life . Those first 48 were part of it . Recently I found myself at Spicer 's Marina in Noank Connecticut about to take of on a solo delivery to Florida . Prior to leaving Becky said in no uncertain terms , " if you change your mind just don 't go , no biggie " . I had been in New England for a week or so at that point . Had made the Costco runs , visited Vito and Madeline from Wanderer , met all the neighbors on the dock and had begun to develop the marina friendships that sprout up quickly among our community . That Saturday was shaping up to be like many Saturdays on G pier at Spicers . The party boat was setting up across the dock and the beer was already flowing . The weekend " wash the boat " crowds were washing and the fisherman were cleaning fish . A BBQ was being set up on the dock and I was having a ball talking with everyone , asking questions , listening to stories , telling stories , the usual . The idea of leaving was just the furthest thing from my mind . . . . . . . . . . . . and the closest . For ( the picture for this post is from that day just after getting the autopilot working and heading over to Fisher 's Island ) A lot has happened over the course of 24 hours for us . Phase 2 is in motion and it hit hard today . What is phase 1 you ask ? Sit down mortals , grab some trail mix , let me explain . Phase 1 of sailing is getting on board , cleaning the boat , stocking the boat , provisioning , driving around boating supply stores in a rental car , learning how the toilets work , fixing the engine , buying silverware and kitcheny stuff , febreezing the heck out of everything , the list goes on . Believe it or not learning how toilets work on a boat is a very hard concept for most people to wrap their heads around . When I was a little girl and someone new would come onboard , before anything at all I would give them a tour of the boat and teach them how the toilets worked . That stuff is witchcraft man . Phase 1 of sailing is super important because if your boat isn 't organised and clean and everyone on board isn 't prepared , certified and educated on why turning off lights is so important , you probably aren 't ready for phase 2 . We 've spent a good week in phase 1 . The time we 've spent running through the isles of West Marine , Home Depot and Fawcett 's boat store , is crazy . You 'd think we were part time owners by now . Phase 2 is where stuff gets real . You leave the marina and get a mooring . The boat starts rocking . You 're seasick . You walk around in your underwear . This is when you know there 's no turning back . Today I knew it was phase 2 because when I woke up my dad was gone , and my little boatie kid instincts said to make breakfast . Not to do any phase 1 stuff , just jump right into boat life and start the day because I know we had some sailing ahead of us . I made my dad spam and eggs and I made a bowl of pineapple for myself . When I was a kid spam was like a gift from God . Kel and I would smell spam in the morning and we knew it was someones birthday or Jesus had come back or something . My sister and I held spam on the highest pedestal in terms of breakfast foods . I realised today my childhood was a lie and spam is just dog food strategically placAfter cabin inspection and the kitchen and boat was all clean , my dad 's friend and the boatyard manager , Ted came over to help fix our engine . He talked to us for a long , long time about life and politics and the history of the city . He 's lived here for most of his life and he told us when he was a kid black people would live underneath the tiniest abandoned boats that were just left there on the side of the creek . They would crab all day , cook fish at night , and just raise their kids and live their lives . He said they were the nicest people and would always talk to him and his friends when they walked the creek like Huckleberry Finn or something . Keep in mind , this was a totally different time in history . The black people would flip the boats over so they could use them as shelter and a place to sleep . Eventually , in the immancipation proclamation , Abe Lincoln gave that land away to the black people . The white people didn 't want it because of the bugs . What a bunch of wimpies . Ted was a cool guy to listen to . The people you meet sailing are really the folks you 'll remember your entire life . I have friends my age and I have some amazing people in my day to day life but the characters I really remember are the weirdos you run into on the water . I don 't see them all the time , and I may never see them again in my life but I 'll never forget the people I met as a kid cruising . We still have life long friends from Norway , England , all over America , and every corner of the planet . Not a lot are my age and I can 't relate to any of them that well but learning about other people 's lives and stories is really a gift and if you have the chance to talk to people , especially travelling I highly recommend it . My dad and I drove to do a couple more errands to finish off the tedious and draining phase 1 . We dropped off the rental car and got a taxi back to the boat yard . I can 't stand taxis , it 's like paying someone to kidnap you and your family . They might as well just carry candy with them , give you the whole experience . We got back to the boatyard and took off . We just sailed to downtown Annapolis and there were tons of boats out . It 's a total sailing town , every single person that lives there owns a boat or at least works or crews on one . I didn 't get behind the wheel , I just took care of lines and tying the boat on and off . When we finally approached the mooring my dad left getting the boat on the mooring up to me which wasn 't too scary until we got up close to it . The notion that I 'd never done this before kicked in and I was really nervous I was going to fall overboard or ya know , miss the mooring . I got the line on the boat on the first try though . It was pretty neat . If I accomplished anything this Summer , it was that . I took a stellar nap . My dad tried like crazy to inflate the dingy but nothing was working . Our pump looked like something you would get at party and craft and it was killing him trying to blow this . . thing up . I woke up when it started getting dark outside and there was another guy in the cockpit with my dad . Turns out the boat next to us was from Wasilla , Alaska . I know , the world is so little . Once again , you meet the nicest people sailing . He talked to us about his life , and how he went to Wasilla high and some stuff about politics . Everyone talks about politics with my dad and I . Anyway , this guy , Nick brought a better dingy pump and helped us blow up the dingy and get it in the water . He blogs too . Check out knoticalnic . wordpress . com . I knew knot puns weren 't lame . My dad and I caught the water taxi into town to have some dinner and catch some of the Saturday night action . The city of Annapolis is crazy at night . It 's filled with drunk , white people . Kind of like a family get together at my uncle Jason 's house . We walked the streets and got some sweet tea and dinner at the cutest little diner . I 'm a tea conniosseur and I 'm all about sweet tea but sweet tea in the South is on a whole different level . This was like 90 % sugar . It was diabetes in the cup . I could feel my mom in Alaska screaming . It 's about 12 : 30am here now . I 'm wide awake and I probably will be for a long while . I have a lot on my mind . The one thing about blogging that makes me feel annoying is that it 's mostly or all about my life and experiences . Which is okay , I understand the only people reading this are probably a little curious as to what a 17 year old girl on a boat gets up to on the daily . I cherish people that take time to tell me they read what I write and they find it interesting or funny . My favorite thing is when other people or my friends tell me about their day and what 's going on in their lives so if you do things doing your day , or don 't do things feel free to message me on any site you please and tell me about it . I 'm on a boat , I have a lot of free time to listen . And I love doing so . Even when my nana writes to tell me about her garden club , or my friends back home tell me about their drunk camping trips , I love it . I soak that stuff up . Tell me about your awkward first dance , tell me about what you want to do in the future , tell me about how you picked up 5 cats on the side of the road and your mom said you can 't keep them but they lived in your closet for a week because you couldn 't part with them . Because that 's someone 's life and it 's cool to be apart of that . People are such complex beings , and the day to day stuff that makes up their entire exitence is super cool to hear about . The connections you make , you could have for your entire life . All I do on this blog is tell you about the little bits and peices that I do everyday on the boat , and people seem to read it . I looked at the stats yesterday which is wild considering I can barely work the oven by myself . I 'm like an old lady trying to use an iphone for the first time , I swear . I 'm not as technologically savvy as I seem . Trying to use google maps on my phone is like trying to navigate the mars rover for me . My friends can testify . Anyway , It said over 400 people looked at this blog just yesterday , which kind of freaks me out but it encourages me that people Hugs and kisses from the sea , xo Started this back in 2008 and abandoned quickly for other options . Time has gone by and we 're back ! After many adventures across the Caribbean and Pacific aboard Ohana we are back on it aboard Ohana II . The idea was to find a simple inexpensive boat that Madison and Kelsey could sail . [ . . . ] Also to spend time exploring the East coast and Bahamas and basically getting back to the basics Becky and I enjoyed upon Scarlett . Hope you enjoy ! Also Check out captain - andthekid @ blogspot . com for Madison 's blog : - )
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Each morning I wake to find a bunch of questions posted on " Cruisers and Sailing Forums " . I love taking the time to read and respond where I can . A common question is what to " get rid of " before moving aboard . We 're all for minimization , a pair of socks comes on , a pair goes off . That being said when closing up a household we did not consider that we may one day move back , which we did . This little post is in respect to this topic : - ) _____ Most of the posts that I have seen here on CF since I 've joined last year all talk about moving aboard ( myself included ) . But what happens if you have to , want to , return to a land - based lifestyle ? I only remember seeing one recent post concerning life after cruising ( but I am sure there are more in older posts ) . _____ I like this perspective on considering this very question . We did move aboard and sailed / lived for a decade overseas . We sold the house and all the furniture in it along with most of my larger power tools ( that was a minor mistake ) . We did keep our real estate holdings and in one of the buildings I carved out a storage area for our more treasured belongings . We had traveled a lot before the " big trip " and had lots of little reminders with special meanings , lots of books ( classics and rare ) and lots of artwork etc . After 3 years we ended up in New Zealand where we obtained residency and put our girls in school . On a business trip back to Alaska I arranged to have all that " stuff " sent down . It was like Christmas opening up those boxes and although a bit on the expensive side , putting those items in our new home in NZ made it really feel like home . 7 years later we moved back to the States for a number of reasons which we do not regret at all . This time we hired a 20 ' container and sent what had been accumulated in NZ back after a BIG GARAGE SALE . Now our Alaskan home has a twenty years worth of history and it 's nice to look back over all those memories and tell stories through all those small little items . REGRET ? I should have stored all the big stuff we gave away . Tools first - table saw ( 2000 sold for probably 500 ) and lots of stuff like that . All the sports gear , bikes , kayaks , skis , winter wear , Jeep , etc . Perhaps even some of the furniture . The truth is most all new live aboard cruisers return to land at some point . That would be an interesting survey . The math is pretty straight forward , value of replacing items with storage costs for a given period of time . The sentimental value something different . Found this while muddling through an old laptop . Just a few weeks ago we were back at Rudder Cay . Madison is now 18 and we are short one hull ( Catamaran Pun , please forgive ) . The rhythm felt the same , right down to the dinner : - ) The pic above is from that night fourteen years ago and of the " plastic chairs " we found on the beach . Enjoy ! 5 : 30 Awake , check position and remember to turn off anchor light . Indicator light burned out so placed post - it with big A on it to remind me . Read " Prey " until … 6 : 10 Kelsey cries , wet diaper . Changed and made a break for my book . Had large glass of water , neglected to put coffee on . 6 : 20 Kelsey up , book over . Asking for mama but wants me . Played on settee and brought her down to help wake mama up . 6 : 30 Madison awake , wet her bed which I discovered earlier . She informs me of the same and apologizes . Hard to get mad at her . Making plan to clean sheets using washing contraption . 7 : 00 Clifford , big red dog playing since 6 : 35 while I tried to sneak in a little more book before Becky awoke . She 's up now and wondering where coffee is and why the dishes are not done . Put coffee on , should boil over within 5 minutes . 7 : 05 Boiled over . 7 : 06 to 8 : 00 Made breakfast for self and did dishes . Cleared deck from previous day and made dinghy ready to be lifted . While lifting took the time to spray out the sand . Checked both bilges and pumped port . 8 : 00 to 9 : 00 Talked about future plans and summer housing . Also plans for the day and where we would like to go . Declined offer to go spear fishing , anxious to get moving north . Decided to sail inside of islands , read up on route and made ready . Started engines to make hot water for Becky 's shower and charge batteries . Also turned on watermaker and checked its output . Had Beck bring up the anchor as a drill . She also took the time to raise the main but I finished the heavy lifting . 9 : 00 - 10 : 00 Beautiful sail from Rat Cay to Adderley . Shallow area , on high alert ! Crystal clear water and perfect wind ghosting along at 6 knots over 6 feet of water . Some minor nail biting . Looked hard for El McPherson 's house . 10 : 00 - 11 : 00 Out the cut and into deep water . Lots of current ! Jib down and messed around with the spinnaker for a while . Girls playing in fort on cockpit . Must be a million degrees out here ! Sweating through everything and a lot of running around . 12 : 00 - 1 : 00 Find our way into Rudder Cut and Darby . Trouble deciding which way to go . Saw some nudies heading to Rudder so decided on Darby . Shallow anchorage so dove on anchor , looked ok . Set anchor watch on GPS . Dove on speed transducer and freed it . Also measured depth of water precisely . 2 : 00 - 2 : 30 Kelsey napping , Maddie playing quietly , Beck in cockpit having a peaceful moment . Sneak into cabin and finish Prey ! Now I can think again ! 2 : 30 - 3 : 00 Empty dinghy and lower into water , think upper body workout . Called Little Darby for permission to hike up to castle . Got kids lubed up with sunscreen and gear . 3 : 00 - 5 : 00 Off to island to explore castle . Everything going well until we get out of the dinghy and are assaulted by three dogs ! Kids terrified , mom upset and we are out of there . Would have been nice if the caretaker had mentioned these ! Motored over to Rudder and the round house . Second highlight of the day , the first being the sail from Rat to Adderly . We landed on the beach and walked up to the house . Pretty much just as we had left it eight years ago . The limo was gone however . Back to the beach where two plastic chairs were left behind and amazingly in semi working condition ! We were able to sit and the girls played with a stick . Boy have things changed ! Hung out until the sun started to get low . Spent a fair amount of time with some lizards as well . 5 : 00 - 6 : 00 Family trampoline time and happy hour ! Noticed how low the tide was and decided to " walk " around the boat ! Took the time to scrub the exhaust stains of off the transoms . Sun dipped and I climbed back aboard to help with dinner . 6 : 00 - 7 : 00 Dinner , chicken and rice , and evening routine . LOTS of dishes . Tooth brushing and beginning of book reading . I read to Kelsey , about 8 books and she wanted to keep going . She was asleep by 7 : 30 and I dosed off with her . Continue journal around 8 : 30 8 : 30 - 10 : 30 Going through West Marine catalog making up large wish list . Going page by page . Spent and hour putting together screens for the boat . Well worth the effort . Purchased some screen before we left . That and a little duck tape do the trick . Took measurement for some more Lewmar screens . Wrote several eMails and sent . At least an hour spent on reading business stuff from Anchorage and responding . In bed by 10 : 30 I 'm a closet " motorer " and now that I think about it , a proud one . I have a feeling I am not alone . There is a certain glamour to the idea of sailing , there is a certain practicality to actually " getting there " . First let 's talk about sailing , the act of actually putting up sails and going . For many years I raced and this was all that was allowed . Perhaps that explains my canvas rebellion . Now before I get too far ahead of myself I must say good advice to any " newbie " is RACE . Being wet , cold , injured , verbally abused while inebriated will prepare you for much of what the ocean has in store . I personally was never entrusted with much aft of the foredeck so " cold and wet " pretty much encapsulate those formative years . Racing prepares one for the inevitable and constant failures that plague even modern rigs . There is a degree of physical fitness , a step or two up from golf , and a large amount of problem solving under pressure . Racing also has a large social component which forces one to pledge allegiance to all things canvas . The part that is kind of funny is anytime we had to actually GET the boat anywhere we MOTORED . So how much do we motor over sail ? I 'd say 80 / 20 ( ah Pareto 's Law ) . Yes folks this sailing blog should be a powerboat blog . Heresy you say . Now this was not the case in the Pacific and the tradewinds . One of the most wonderful qualities of that stretch of ocean is the consistent beam to broad reach . The dirty little secret , however , was that the problem was rarely too much wind , the challenge , more times than not , was too little . At these times rather than sit there clanging around in the swell we would " fire em up " . Ohana ( the catamaran ) had two 27hp yanmars and with one ticking away a few things would happen . First , the boat would start moving , from four knots to seven . This alone was a great motivator to captain and crew . The boat would " quiet down " except for the hum of the diesel of course , but that was oddly comforting . On a light air trip from Fiji to New Zealand we had one engine on ALL THE TIME . That 's seven days ! It was me and a friend and as I recall he said " it made him comfortable " to hear the purring of a well tuned diesel . I 'm all about making our crew comfortable . The second reason I 'm not shy about firing up an engine or two is safety . Generally I 'm sailing short handed and being at anchor is a lot safer than being on the ocean . A well maintained diesel can run for thousands of hours and the engines LIKE being used . The key words " well maintained " opens up a whole new entertainment center for the cruiser . Maintaining a diesel engine is fun in itself and rewarding , at least in my world of limited entertainment . This piece is basically a rationalization piece to those of us who like the hear the hum of a motor and are looking for an excuse to come out of the shadows and share our enthusiasm for the same . It is also a call to those who have the " dream " to consider not just looking up , but also looking down , into the darkness of their engine rooms and embrace that warm lovable hunk of iron . Let 's take a few brief minutes to discuss what the little darling needs and what the benefits are of making her your best friend . The ONE THING a diesel engine needs is CLEAN FUEL . That 's pretty much it . An intimate knowledge of your fuel system is a must and if you bought a used boat , particularly one that has seen little use , you already have a challenge . Your fuel is dirty , just make that assumption . What to do ? Filtration . Now I 'm not a fuel expert and I 'm not recommending any particular products . I have used Raycor filters on just about every boat I can recall and the cartridges are EASY to obtain WORLDWIDE , carry lots . Now the best setup is one that has two filters in parallel and allows you to switch to the second filter as the first becomes fouled . I don 't have this on the current Ohana nor on the previous ( cheap bastard ) . The key to know when your filter is on its way out is a vacuum gauge . Mount this invaluable gadget where it is easily seen and check it often . I watch ours regularly and for the first couple of 100 hours on Ohana 2 she would gum up fairly quickly . What was happening was we were essentially " polishing " the fuel . After two hundred hours or so this has become much less frequent . There is a filter on your engine as well and is often neglected . This filter does not need to be changed as often as the Raycor filter , which does most of the heavy lifting , but does need to be attended to on occasion . The second key is keeping the tools needed to change the filter right next to the filter . This includes in our case a plastic folgers coffee can and a one gallon jug of clean diesel to fill the new filter . I do the same thing for the alternator belt . All three wrenches to change the belt are in their own pocket in our tool bag . Changing that belt should be able to be accomplished in 3 minutes or less ( the replacement is hanging in the engine room ready to go ) . The dreaded " bleeding " of the engine . For some reason this little operation strikes more fear into the hearts of mariners than warranted . Air is the enemy to your diesel and if a bit gets in , usually during the filter changing process , she won 't want to run . If you change your filter , add fuel before reinstalling and generally do a tidy job , odds are she will fire right up , burp a few times and then purr like a kitten . If you don 't and you find you have to bleed , fret not . It 's an easy operation best done first at the dock on a nice calm day close to a NAPA store . If you are really hesitant to touch your engine hire a diesel mechanic the first time and " pay your tuition " . While he is there question him down about every little trick and do your best to keep him well hydrated and happy . Start with a water / soda combination , transition to beer as the job appears to be reaching its natural conclusion . Money well spent . After this it 's oil and oxygen . Change oil often , engine AND transmission . Again have all the tools at the ready , no searching involved for the oil , as far as the oxygen goes make sure your baby can get it . I have not had a proper air filter on any our last few motors so have not worried about much . Odds are you will leave your boat for periods of time unattended . Do yourself a favor and top up the diesel just before putting her to bed . This helps prevent condensation and depending on what climate you leave her in this could be considerable . Condensation equals water and water to diesel is like . . . . . . . any suggestions ? Let 's just say it ain 't good ! One final note regarding your power set up is that expensive bronze thing that sits at the end of the shaft , your prop . Successful long distance motoring is dramatically enhanced with the right one . This topic is so loaded and passions run so high that I will defer to your good sense to do your research and come to your own conclusions . For me I 've stuck with a fixed three bladed prop , the largest that makes sense and it appeals to my sense of simple . This in on our monohulls , the cat came with two adjustable pitch max props . When we first got her she was terribly over pitched with the engines not able to get over 2100 rpm . Again setting up props and deciding on the right pitch is way beyond the scope of this short story but is something you must understand and address . Once you get it right you will motor with confidence into wind and sea and be able to back up like a pro . Take the time . Back to motoring . . . . Enjoy it , for a few delightful years I had the opportunity to drive an Auckland New Zealand Harbor Ferry , the Osprey . Two BIG twin caterpillar diesel , great crew ( nod to Captains Kent , Gordon , Alan , John and Jackie ( stewardess who may actually read this if she finds it on FB ) , plenty of waterline , 24 knots at cruise . Three stories above the water , in the full beam pilot house , life couldn 't get better . We would dock thirty eight times a shift in all sorts of conditions and get to see the harbor in every mood and season . Did I mention three stories up and climate controlled ( sort of ) ? Flash forward to the fall of 2015 delivering a little forty footer ( Ohana 2 ) from Noank to Nassau . Out on Long Island Sound heading west into a brisk breeze , little Yanmar ticking away , foulies zipped up tight . As I listened to the engine hum " that " thought crossed my mind , as it crosses many seasoned sailors . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . memories of the ferry . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . and the idea that perhaps it 's time to look for a Trawler ; - ) P . S . Speaking of Motoring Madison and I will be doing the same around the Bahamas from about January 25th 2017 to February 20th 2017 . If you see us do stop on by ! ! ! Now I have met folks cruising on an ultra budget who were doing a great job of it . A couple we met in Tonga come to mind . They were young and on a 40 some odd foot non - descript monohull . At the beach party in Vavauu , anchorage 14 , they were roasting some fish on the fire for their dinner . We had a great talk about their travels and " living off the land " . My wife 's cousin and his partner are another example . At a Christmas party two decades ago he asked me , with great enthusiasm coupled with little sailing experience , what kind of boat he could get cheap and sail offshore with . I thought about it and said " Crealock Dreadnaught 32 " and left it at that . A few months later he called and said he bought one ( I about fell of my chair ! ) , they left from Juneau Alaska with a 50lb bag of rice and a spear gun ( I 'm exaggerating , but not too much ) and ended up in Japan where they sold the boat . They went on to buy a 40 ' steel hull at a scrap yard , lived in it at the scrap yard while they " built it " . A year or two later took off again for Mexico , Hawaii , Midway ( where they worked for a year to build up their funds ) and then back to Alaska . He even built the MAST from a pipe ! ! ! These kind of folks can and do cruise on a budget of 500 . 00 per month . Now for the rest of us . . . . . . . . When I see an online post saying " I want to buy a $ 20 , 000 . 00 ocean going boat and cruise on 800 . 00 per month and I need to learn how to sail " I kind of wince . The advice that comes out on the chat room is good and it can be done , see the above , but is it likely ? The two examples earlier were of folks who lived off the land well before going cruising and who were predisposed to doing lots with very little . Those of us who come from fairly comfortable land based occupations with partners and children who are accustomed to certain " comforts " this notion of spending next to nothing each month generally ends prematurely and poorly . One day I was walking back to Ohana at Palm Harbor Marina in West Palm and saw a man sitting on the dock literally in tears . I walked up to ask if all was ok and struck up " the conversation " about what happened . This is not the first conversation like this I have had , in fact , had the same one just last year in Cape May with a man on a nice Pacific Seacraft Crealock 34 ( I detect a theme ) . The conversation goes something like this : " I 've dreamed of cruising my whole life . I read everything , researched everything , bought the boat and had a great couple of years outfitting her and fixing her up . Finally we decided to go and headed down to Florida in anticipation of sailing to the Bahamas and points south . Somewhere around Charleston my wife quit . She said it 's too . . . . . . . . . fill in all the " too 's " , too hot , expensive , cold , boring , terrifying , lonely , far from the kids , claustrophobic . . . . . . you get the idea . So here I am with my dream and I have to sell it . " The Cape May guy was more to the point of finances . He had done all of the same and had a VERY specific monthly budget . His transmission gave up in Cape May ( see upcoming post on " motoring " to know why ) and he literally could not afford to replace and nor afford to keep her at a dock or haul her out and store her . He was selling and he was having a fire sale . For a brief moment , as he told his story , I considered offering to help and pay for a transmission but as he kept talking I changed my mind . It would only be subsidizing what he was already ill prepared for and would just end a little further down the ditch . The point , for most folks , it 's going to " cost " a lot more than you think . Nothing makes me happier than to see folks out there really ENJOYING the life and not constantly on the wrong side of the ledger . Speaking of which I better get to work so we can go off sailing next week ! Have a blessed day all ! Early on we shared a boat with a good friend and sailed about six months a year ( he sailed the other six ) . Read earlier post " back story " for the details . Here 's the story . One afternoon I found myself sitting on a remote beach , Scarlett anchored just offshore with a Nordhavn 60 ' anchored nearby . We were the only two . We had brought the dinghy in for some afternoon exploring and a swim . Soon after we arrived the Nordhavn launched their tender ( we had a dinghy , they had a tender ) and they headed to our beach . I 've forgotten the man 's name but this scene played out many times over the years . We 'd say hello and each couple would begin to tell their story . He would be late 50 's to early 60 's . Second marriage and they were " living the dream " . Where from , where going , etc . After a few minutes the ladies would walk off to chat and we would sit down in the shade and talk a bit more . The next question would be " what do you do ? " I 'm sure you 've been there and you have your story . I 'd share ours . Given our tender ages there was some genuine interest in how we managed to get there and be able to spend several months " living the dream " . We would then proceed to share stories of business and finances and experiences . At some point in the conversation I would ask my question , what 's your best advice ? Being 30 years old on a beach with a man who has led his life is such an opportunity . On more than one occasion the advice would be similar to the advice the man from the 60 ' Nordhavn gave . Paul , see that boat there and my beautiful wife ? Yes . I would trade it all to have my family . You see Paul I worked 24 / 7 for twenty years to build my business . We were wildly successful . I provided every material want my family needed , all except one . . . . . . . . me . Time went by , divorce , estrangement from my children and now grandchildren . Paul , if you can , and it seems you might be able to , take the years your children are growing up and spend it with them . That was the advice and this happened on more than one occasion . Those days of childless wandering did come to a close . Scarlett was sold and we settled into life in Anchorage Alaska . We continued to grow our business , built a house , had our first daughter in 1998 . Our second arrived in 2001 . Those words stuck with me . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . One day I came home from another 14 hour day to find my lovely wife sitting in our " playroom " staring at the world map ( that map sits behind me right now 15 years later ) . We had a conversation about " what we were doing and what we could do " . That advice , " take the years your children are growing up and spend it with them . " was ringing in my head . We then made the worst financial decision of our lives . Fifteen years later , thousands of ocean miles , residents of a new country , we still eat and travel and pay taxes . Are we as " wealthy " as we could have been ? Not by a long shot , but I 'm convinced if we stayed on the track we were on and failed to heed that wise advice , I would have ended up sitting on a beach giving advice to a young man to , if at all possible , " take those precious years that your family is growing up and spend it with them . " Blessings all . . . . . How often have you heard this ? Now I have always been a destination guy . Always " moving " towards some distant goal and the places in between were on " The Plan " . I never really thought much about this until this last month when I found myself with absolutely NO PLAN . Now Steve and Jim at Loggerhead Marina ( Highly recommend ) in Stuart did not like this as it really messes with the paperwork ! More on that shortly for those who dare to read this whole post . The rough plan this month was to come down to Florida for spring break with Madison our oldest . I was to fly down early and get the boat ready including all new mast and rigging with some golf thrown in . Madison would fly down solo for her first time and together we would spend 10 days " doing our thing " . Well the rigging and mast plan went great and when she arrived we sat down to come up with " The Plan " . We had nothing : - ) The decision was made to sail out and see what the conditions dictated and take it from there . This is new territory for dear Captain and honestly , was kind of refreshing . Rather than some epic goal we would just go . So on Wednesday morning we dropped lines , pumped the poop and let Steve and Jim know we were leaving for good , or not . We headed out Stuart inlet and turned ESE for West End Bahamas ( habit ) . About 20 miles out and well into the Gulf Stream Madison said " I 'd really like to have ice cream at Sloans " . See we purchased Ohana 1 ( the cat ) in West Palm Beach in 2002 ( Madison was 4 at the time ) and spent the better part of two years in and out of Palm Harbor Marina as we prepared her for the Caribbean and Pacific . West Palm holds many fond memories : Two Girls Pizza , Clematis Street , The " Fountain " where the kids could play and Sloans Ice Cream . But what about " The Plan " ? ? ? There was none ! We turned to the South West , a pod of dolphins joined us and off we went to get ice cream . Now I had visions of waking to a Bahamas sunrise in West End and working our way to Marsh Harbor , leaving the boat there . We ended up visiting the Four Arts and med ( See Photo Gallery for lots of Pics ) I walked past the mega yachts that surrounded little Ohana at the Viaduct Marina in Auckland . One in particular , I 've forgotten the name , stood out . I looked at the table set on the afterdeck , it was spectacular . Three crew members were in attendance , the guests soon to arrive . . . . . . . . . . . . . lighting perfect , settings perfect . . . . . . . . . . . . what were they going to discuss , I would never know . At first I thought about the " consumption . " Who needs all that , how did they " get " it , why does it matter ? To be honest I had a bit of envy along with a bit of curiosity . So much . . . . . . . . why ? I thought about it . I would have loved to have been a fly on that wall . Here 's what I came up with : The conversations that take place around a table are the fuel . The people that contribute are the engine . If we 're blessed we can enjoy many evenings with many people who make our lives richer and fuller for having sat there . The photo gallery on this blog home page entitled " Happy Hours " captures a few of these evenings we had the honor to enjoy aboard Ohana . I have a feeling that if a boat might be a measure of one 's material success , the quality of the conversations around those tables , such as the yacht I was looking at , might be a good measure of a one 's hospitality , curiosity and inquisitiveness . So that gets us back to our humble little table . It is easy for a man to look " up " to bigger and better . Our " table " wasn 't on a mega yacht but for us may as well have been . It has entertained a wide variety of characters from all over the world . Who would have thought a boy and girl from humble beginnings in New York and Alaska would sit with corporate giants , financiers , pastors , hippies , singers , actors , tech moguls , eccentrics , escapists . . . . . . . . . . . the list goes on . It all happened around our little table . Speaking of " happy hour " I 've had a few so will sign off early . Invite people . . . . . . . . . . . . . they make it oh so colorful . One last story . This fall I was sailing south and found myself in Sandy Hook ( Atlantic Highlands NJ ) . Earlier in the day the engine died and was an afternoon of back and forth to NAPA to sort things out . At first I hitched a ride with a local , his wife and brother in law . I realized soon after that NAPA was a short walk and made several trips back and forth as I diagnosed the problem . It 's part of the deal and those folks were great ! Well 6pm was rolling around and I was sitting in the cockpit looking around and a noticed a dinghy going boat to boat inviting people over for happy hour . I thought " I 'd like to have happy hour " but kept my hand down . Well Scott came by Ohana and invited me ! I hopped aboard and soon realized his other passenger was the fellow who drove me to NAPA ! We ended up aboard Tamure and enjoyed a great evening with every single hander in the harbor along with Scott and Kitty who it turns out are a bit of legends in the sailing world . Their boat was a living museum . Check out their site for Tamure by clicking on the link . Along with these two links Great Escape and Atlantic Circle We sat in the cockpit around their " table " and as the evening progressed moved down below . It was magic . They took the time to invite and that is an encouragement to me to do the same . At times I resist but I know that all that is good occurs around that place , the table . CruisersForum has a lot of questions regarding storm tactics with Catamarans . I have to confess I asked many of the same when we first bought Ohana and went as far as purchasing a monster parachute anchor which we carried all over the Caribbean and Pacific . We never deployed it . This is my stab at answering , at least , how we did it . The question is always " what were the worst conditions you were ever in . " That answer is a four hour period between Tonga and New Zealand in 2005 where we were averaging 16 knots in some pretty big seas . The video above is from a trip to Tonga in 2010 with the aforementioned Vito onboard . It looks rough but the boat could handle that and much more . That was pretty much it . Of the tens of thousands of miles I 've covered those four hours and 60 some odd miles were the most lively . The 2005 experience ? Well later on I 'll discuss my philosophy of sailing " with the storm " , suffice it to say we were doing just that and the wind was off our quarter where we wanted it and the seas were with us so to speak . . . . and they were big . Reef early ( that 's a tip ) , and we had , but even with a triple reef in the main and a handkerchief of jib out we were FLYING and it was loud . The sound a big cat makes going over 10 knots is like living in a waterfall . Going 15 - 16 is a whole other story . Down each wave she accelerates and it was those few moments at the bottom where I had pause . Bows please come up . . . . . . . . . and each time they would and I would say " elevator up ! " This went on for four hours or so as we ducked under the lower part of the system on our way south . That was the most tense I 've been while offshore . Believe it or not the girls played quietly on the deck in the main salon and Becky looked up every now and then and asked if we were ok , amazing . Disclaimer : The advise here is free and you get what you pay for . Take it for it is , know your boat well and be honest about your skill set . I would also equip much differently for sailing in high latitudes or off season . The other thing I 've learned is the boat can take a lot more than the crew . We were in conditions like the video for several days after leaving Opua , several large monohulls actually turned back . Ohana kept skipping along . One night Garth , who was along for his first offshore passage , wanted to go on deck and put one final reef in . My advise to him was " nothing good cPoint 3 - I 'm scratching my chin here . All that comes to mind is how important it is to know your personal limits and not put your crew or yourself in a situation you or the boat are not truly prepared to handle . That and DO NOT sail on a schedule if at all possible . This is about catamarans and if you 've read this far you probably own one so here is the final dirty little secret , they all slam ( some more than others ) , they all take 15 knots of wind to really get moving and none of them really go to weather nor should they . All the more reason to sail the fronts in my opinion and keep her moving , when the wind falls below 10 knots and the boat slows to 4 time to kick on an engine . Time to hit the sack internet friends ! Have a blessed day and many happy and safe miles . I am the most unlikely Hunter owner . Back in the " day " selling boats was the game and Hunter was a big no - no . I was a Hunter Snob with no real reason to be so , short of a little conversation at a boat show . I was actually looking at the Hunters and commenting on how nice they were for the money . At twenty some odd years old what did I know ? Let 's call him Crusty , the broker who had taken me under his wing , said " boat show boat " . That was all it took to turn me off to Hunters . Three words . What does " boat show boat " mean ? Basically a boat the wife likes at the boat show , huge interiors , ticks all the boxes , priced well and falls apart after a few years in the Florida sun . Soon after , as a young yacht broker , I actually sold a Hunter and it looked just like Crusty described , weather beaten and tired . Tied up behind a house in Port Orange Florida we limped it up to Seven Seas Marina in Daytona for haul out and inspection . All I believed about Hunters seemed to be true . That was the last I thought of Hunters until I met Vito but , before we introduce this character , one has to ask why was I looking for a boat like a Hunter in the first place . I wasn 't . This past Alaska winter our oldest daughter looked at me and said " Dad , what good is all this experience if you don 't share it ? " followed with , " can we get a boat and just you and I spend the summer sailing together . " Annie get your gun ! I was off to the races . This coincided with an article in Cruising Outpost issue # 8 entitled " The Whole Nine Yards " the story of two girls , a dog , a cat and a 27 ' boat ( support Bob Bitchin and buy the mag , it 's worth the eight bucks ) . That question and article set the Berger wheels in motion . Let 's find a small " beater boat " , not too fancy and easily handled by one or two . Something the girls could grow into and make it their own should they have the desire . The usual suspects came to mind , Catalina 30 , J 30 , C & C 30 or up a little to the 35 ' range . After a good talk with long suffering wife ( who , bless her heart , generally supports a good ole adventure after the idea has a little time to marinate ) gave her approval and I began the search . Now there is a whole other post on buying boats and I wrote it a few days ago and it was summarily VAPORIZED by sailblogs . Here is the cliff note version : Know that as you look " the one " will likely show up and don 't be afraid to buy it . That 's basically it . The " one " is easier to see after you 've been on a few and start to get a feel for what 's out there . In the case of this project the size quickly grew to 40 ' as we adjusted and thought about family vacations with all four of us and the prospect of having a relatively inexpensive floating condo . Fair enough and in our experience 40 ' still met the expectation of being easily handled by one or two . I flew into Annapolis late April and started the hunt . This took me from Deltaville Virginia as far north as Westport Connecticut . I looked at Beneteaus , Catalina , Jenneaus and two newer Hunters . Nothing was " clicking " although the Hunters were cool they had the new B & R rigs ( no backstay ) and one had the expected deck leaks that I had been warned of . Remember Vito ? Picture a Sicilian bull dog with a heart of gold . We met Vito , Madeline and their daughter Amanda in Bora Bora back in 2005 . At the time they were aboard Wanderer , a beautiful and capable Amel 53 . My father was onboard Ohana , he had grown up in the Bronx and worked in New York City for most of his career . As soon as he heard Vito 's deep Italian voice on the VHF he had to meet him . Kind of a cross between CarTalk and a Corleone . Just made you feel safe and nervous at the same time . Now Vito and I became quick friends and have remained so for over a decade . I TRUST him and value his opinion and on one topic in particular he was adamant and unwavering . . . . . . . . . . . . Hunter Legends . As soon as I mentioned this idea of a small beater boat for the east coast he said " Paully , you got ta look at da Hunter Legend ! " He had one for over a decade ( two actually if memory serves , a 37 ' and a 40 . 5 ) and just would not stop raving about the boat . I still had my 1987 snob hat on and kept politely deferring . Finally , I broke , as nothing was really feeling right on my search so far . I located a Hunter Legend 40 . 5 on the Eastern Shore of Maryland and invested the time to drive over onI met the broker and we trudged out against the north wind and as I walked up to Hunter Legend 40 . 5 for the first time the thing that struck me was that she was big . Just big compared to all the other 40 's I had been looking at . She had a 7 / 8th fractional rig which you J sailors know is a great set up for short handed sailing and powerful . The cockpit had a cutout transom ( wife request ) and there were hatches galore ! What 's going on here , it must leak like a sieve . We climbed aboard ( they have a high freeboard and are beamy which explains the interior volume ) and I mean climbed . Slid open the companionway hatch and I was just blown away by the cabin , oh my goodness , I was falling into the " boat show boat " trap ! This boat was twenty years old however and had not yet melted as Crusty had promised , good sign . A 50hp Yanmar diesel - yea , tons of cabinet space , plenty of light , a well laid out galley , two heads . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Vito was right , this boat was incredible . There must be a catch . With that many opening hatches let 's look for leaks , there were none . This particular boat was poorly maintained and run hard . The bones though looked great and it was time to find all the Hunter 40 . 5s on the East Coast and have a real look . That took an evening with Yachtworld along with one more drive up and down the coast looking at four examples of the boat . I had evidently seen the worst of the lot first and the other three I found were all in terrific condition . All were mid 90 's boats with light use and well maintained . The last of the bunch had an offer on it already and was a tri - cabin which I felt was superior with a family and left a cabin just for storing stuff . At first it was off the list given its pending sale put that sale fell through and I was able to finally get onboard . She was " the one " , you just know it . I have to thank Cherie Startner of Great Blue Yachts for just calling . I bugged her about the boat for a few days while the Annapolis Boat show was going on ( she was in the middle of it and having done So here we are Hunter owners . . . . . . . . . . who would have thought ? At this point we 've put about 3000 plus miles on her in a variety of conditions from Nantucket to Nassau . She has proved to be fast , seaworthy , comfortable at the dock and anchor as well as very easy to handle . That 's the story . I think at the end of the day whatever boat you find yourself in will work for almost anything . What they take is care , feeding and love . . . . . . . . . . . perhaps that 's the part you feel . . . . . . the love . I 've been thinking back over all of our passages over the years . There are several themes to each one , let 's call them the " life of a passage " . It starts ( the actual passage ) with dropping the lines . Everything before this moment is safe and predictable . See Madison 's blog entitled " Phase 2 " ( http : / / captain - andthekid . blogspot . com / 2015 / 05 / phase - 2 . html ) . I 'll copy the text below and save you the cut and paste . She talks about the provisioning , fixing , storing , preparing , reading , talking . . . . . . . . . . every fun thing we do before leaving on an extended passage . Dropping the lines though . . . . . . . taking off into the unknown . That 's another story . The worst time for me was leaving the Galapagos for the longest passage of our life , the 3000nm to the Marquesas . The first 48 hours were torture . All was fine on the boat , all were happy , just the feeling in the pit of my stomach . All the " what ifs " , they were real and turning around was not an option . That time passed and we developed a routine and those 18 days were some of the best memories of our cruising life . Those first 48 were part of it . Recently I found myself at Spicer 's Marina in Noank Connecticut about to take of on a solo delivery to Florida . Prior to leaving Becky said in no uncertain terms , " if you change your mind just don 't go , no biggie " . I had been in New England for a week or so at that point . Had made the Costco runs , visited Vito and Madeline from Wanderer , met all the neighbors on the dock and had begun to develop the marina friendships that sprout up quickly among our community . That Saturday was shaping up to be like many Saturdays on G pier at Spicers . The party boat was setting up across the dock and the beer was already flowing . The weekend " wash the boat " crowds were washing and the fisherman were cleaning fish . A BBQ was being set up on the dock and I was having a ball talking with everyone , asking questions , listening to stories , telling stories , the usual . The idea of leaving was just the furthest thing from my mind . . . . . . . . . . . . and the closest . For ( the picture for this post is from that day just after getting the autopilot working and heading over to Fisher 's Island ) A lot has happened over the course of 24 hours for us . Phase 2 is in motion and it hit hard today . What is phase 1 you ask ? Sit down mortals , grab some trail mix , let me explain . Phase 1 of sailing is getting on board , cleaning the boat , stocking the boat , provisioning , driving around boating supply stores in a rental car , learning how the toilets work , fixing the engine , buying silverware and kitcheny stuff , febreezing the heck out of everything , the list goes on . Believe it or not learning how toilets work on a boat is a very hard concept for most people to wrap their heads around . When I was a little girl and someone new would come onboard , before anything at all I would give them a tour of the boat and teach them how the toilets worked . That stuff is witchcraft man . Phase 1 of sailing is super important because if your boat isn 't organised and clean and everyone on board isn 't prepared , certified and educated on why turning off lights is so important , you probably aren 't ready for phase 2 . We 've spent a good week in phase 1 . The time we 've spent running through the isles of West Marine , Home Depot and Fawcett 's boat store , is crazy . You 'd think we were part time owners by now . Phase 2 is where stuff gets real . You leave the marina and get a mooring . The boat starts rocking . You 're seasick . You walk around in your underwear . This is when you know there 's no turning back . Today I knew it was phase 2 because when I woke up my dad was gone , and my little boatie kid instincts said to make breakfast . Not to do any phase 1 stuff , just jump right into boat life and start the day because I know we had some sailing ahead of us . I made my dad spam and eggs and I made a bowl of pineapple for myself . When I was a kid spam was like a gift from God . Kel and I would smell spam in the morning and we knew it was someones birthday or Jesus had come back or something . My sister and I held spam on the highest pedestal in terms of breakfast foods . I realised today my childhood was a lie and spam is just dog food strategically placAfter cabin inspection and the kitchen and boat was all clean , my dad 's friend and the boatyard manager , Ted came over to help fix our engine . He talked to us for a long , long time about life and politics and the history of the city . He 's lived here for most of his life and he told us when he was a kid black people would live underneath the tiniest abandoned boats that were just left there on the side of the creek . They would crab all day , cook fish at night , and just raise their kids and live their lives . He said they were the nicest people and would always talk to him and his friends when they walked the creek like Huckleberry Finn or something . Keep in mind , this was a totally different time in history . The black people would flip the boats over so they could use them as shelter and a place to sleep . Eventually , in the immancipation proclamation , Abe Lincoln gave that land away to the black people . The white people didn 't want it because of the bugs . What a bunch of wimpies . Ted was a cool guy to listen to . The people you meet sailing are really the folks you 'll remember your entire life . I have friends my age and I have some amazing people in my day to day life but the characters I really remember are the weirdos you run into on the water . I don 't see them all the time , and I may never see them again in my life but I 'll never forget the people I met as a kid cruising . We still have life long friends from Norway , England , all over America , and every corner of the planet . Not a lot are my age and I can 't relate to any of them that well but learning about other people 's lives and stories is really a gift and if you have the chance to talk to people , especially travelling I highly recommend it . My dad and I drove to do a couple more errands to finish off the tedious and draining phase 1 . We dropped off the rental car and got a taxi back to the boat yard . I can 't stand taxis , it 's like paying someone to kidnap you and your family . They might as well just carry candy with them , give you the whole experience . We got back to the boatyard and took off . We just sailed to downtown Annapolis and there were tons of boats out . It 's a total sailing town , every single person that lives there owns a boat or at least works or crews on one . I didn 't get behind the wheel , I just took care of lines and tying the boat on and off . When we finally approached the mooring my dad left getting the boat on the mooring up to me which wasn 't too scary until we got up close to it . The notion that I 'd never done this before kicked in and I was really nervous I was going to fall overboard or ya know , miss the mooring . I got the line on the boat on the first try though . It was pretty neat . If I accomplished anything this Summer , it was that . I took a stellar nap . My dad tried like crazy to inflate the dingy but nothing was working . Our pump looked like something you would get at party and craft and it was killing him trying to blow this . . thing up . I woke up when it started getting dark outside and there was another guy in the cockpit with my dad . Turns out the boat next to us was from Wasilla , Alaska . I know , the world is so little . Once again , you meet the nicest people sailing . He talked to us about his life , and how he went to Wasilla high and some stuff about politics . Everyone talks about politics with my dad and I . Anyway , this guy , Nick brought a better dingy pump and helped us blow up the dingy and get it in the water . He blogs too . Check out knoticalnic . wordpress . com . I knew knot puns weren 't lame . My dad and I caught the water taxi into town to have some dinner and catch some of the Saturday night action . The city of Annapolis is crazy at night . It 's filled with drunk , white people . Kind of like a family get together at my uncle Jason 's house . We walked the streets and got some sweet tea and dinner at the cutest little diner . I 'm a tea conniosseur and I 'm all about sweet tea but sweet tea in the South is on a whole different level . This was like 90 % sugar . It was diabetes in the cup . I could feel my mom in Alaska screaming . It 's about 12 : 30am here now . I 'm wide awake and I probably will be for a long while . I have a lot on my mind . The one thing about blogging that makes me feel annoying is that it 's mostly or all about my life and experiences . Which is okay , I understand the only people reading this are probably a little curious as to what a 17 year old girl on a boat gets up to on the daily . I cherish people that take time to tell me they read what I write and they find it interesting or funny . My favorite thing is when other people or my friends tell me about their day and what 's going on in their lives so if you do things doing your day , or don 't do things feel free to message me on any site you please and tell me about it . I 'm on a boat , I have a lot of free time to listen . And I love doing so . Even when my nana writes to tell me about her garden club , or my friends back home tell me about their drunk camping trips , I love it . I soak that stuff up . Tell me about your awkward first dance , tell me about what you want to do in the future , tell me about how you picked up 5 cats on the side of the road and your mom said you can 't keep them but they lived in your closet for a week because you couldn 't part with them . Because that 's someone 's life and it 's cool to be apart of that . People are such complex beings , and the day to day stuff that makes up their entire exitence is super cool to hear about . The connections you make , you could have for your entire life . All I do on this blog is tell you about the little bits and peices that I do everyday on the boat , and people seem to read it . I looked at the stats yesterday which is wild considering I can barely work the oven by myself . I 'm like an old lady trying to use an iphone for the first time , I swear . I 'm not as technologically savvy as I seem . Trying to use google maps on my phone is like trying to navigate the mars rover for me . My friends can testify . Anyway , It said over 400 people looked at this blog just yesterday , which kind of freaks me out but it encourages me that people Hugs and kisses from the sea , xo Started this back in 2008 and abandoned quickly for other options . Time has gone by and we 're back ! After many adventures across the Caribbean and Pacific aboard Ohana we are back on it aboard Ohana II . The idea was to find a simple inexpensive boat that Madison and Kelsey could sail . [ . . . ] Also to spend time exploring the East coast and Bahamas and basically getting back to the basics Becky and I enjoyed upon Scarlett . Hope you enjoy ! Also Check out captain - andthekid @ blogspot . com for Madison 's blog : - )
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Each morning I wake to find a bunch of questions posted on " Cruisers and Sailing Forums " . I love taking the time to read and respond where I can . A common question is what to " get rid of " before moving aboard . We 're all for minimization , a pair of socks comes on , a pair goes off . That being said when closing up a household we did not consider that we may one day move back , which we did . This little post is in respect to this topic : - ) _____ Most of the posts that I have seen here on CF since I 've joined last year all talk about moving aboard ( myself included ) . But what happens if you have to , want to , return to a land - based lifestyle ? I only remember seeing one recent post concerning life after cruising ( but I am sure there are more in older posts ) . _____ I like this perspective on considering this very question . We did move aboard and sailed / lived for a decade overseas . We sold the house and all the furniture in it along with most of my larger power tools ( that was a minor mistake ) . We did keep our real estate holdings and in one of the buildings I carved out a storage area for our more treasured belongings . We had traveled a lot before the " big trip " and had lots of little reminders with special meanings , lots of books ( classics and rare ) and lots of artwork etc . After 3 years we ended up in New Zealand where we obtained residency and put our girls in school . On a business trip back to Alaska I arranged to have all that " stuff " sent down . It was like Christmas opening up those boxes and although a bit on the expensive side , putting those items in our new home in NZ made it really feel like home . 7 years later we moved back to the States for a number of reasons which we do not regret at all . This time we hired a 20 ' container and sent what had been accumulated in NZ back after a BIG GARAGE SALE . Now our Alaskan home has a twenty years worth of history and it 's nice to look back over all those memories and tell stories through all those small little items . REGRET ? I should have stored all the big stuff we gave away . Tools first - table saw ( 2000 sold for probably 500 ) and lots of stuff like that . All the sports gear , bikes , kayaks , skis , winter wear , Jeep , etc . Perhaps even some of the furniture . The truth is most all new live aboard cruisers return to land at some point . That would be an interesting survey . The math is pretty straight forward , value of replacing items with storage costs for a given period of time . The sentimental value something different . Found this while muddling through an old laptop . Just a few weeks ago we were back at Rudder Cay . Madison is now 18 and we are short one hull ( Catamaran Pun , please forgive ) . The rhythm felt the same , right down to the dinner : - ) The pic above is from that night fourteen years ago and of the " plastic chairs " we found on the beach . Enjoy ! 5 : 30 Awake , check position and remember to turn off anchor light . Indicator light burned out so placed post - it with big A on it to remind me . Read " Prey " until … 6 : 10 Kelsey cries , wet diaper . Changed and made a break for my book . Had large glass of water , neglected to put coffee on . 6 : 20 Kelsey up , book over . Asking for mama but wants me . Played on settee and brought her down to help wake mama up . 6 : 30 Madison awake , wet her bed which I discovered earlier . She informs me of the same and apologizes . Hard to get mad at her . Making plan to clean sheets using washing contraption . 7 : 00 Clifford , big red dog playing since 6 : 35 while I tried to sneak in a little more book before Becky awoke . She 's up now and wondering where coffee is and why the dishes are not done . Put coffee on , should boil over within 5 minutes . 7 : 05 Boiled over . 7 : 06 to 8 : 00 Made breakfast for self and did dishes . Cleared deck from previous day and made dinghy ready to be lifted . While lifting took the time to spray out the sand . Checked both bilges and pumped port . 8 : 00 to 9 : 00 Talked about future plans and summer housing . Also plans for the day and where we would like to go . Declined offer to go spear fishing , anxious to get moving north . Decided to sail inside of islands , read up on route and made ready . Started engines to make hot water for Becky 's shower and charge batteries . Also turned on watermaker and checked its output . Had Beck bring up the anchor as a drill . She also took the time to raise the main but I finished the heavy lifting . 9 : 00 - 10 : 00 Beautiful sail from Rat Cay to Adderley . Shallow area , on high alert ! Crystal clear water and perfect wind ghosting along at 6 knots over 6 feet of water . Some minor nail biting . Looked hard for El McPherson 's house . 10 : 00 - 11 : 00 Out the cut and into deep water . Lots of current ! Jib down and messed around with the spinnaker for a while . Girls playing in fort on cockpit . Must be a million degrees out here ! Sweating through everything and a lot of running around . 12 : 00 - 1 : 00 Find our way into Rudder Cut and Darby . Trouble deciding which way to go . Saw some nudies heading to Rudder so decided on Darby . Shallow anchorage so dove on anchor , looked ok . Set anchor watch on GPS . Dove on speed transducer and freed it . Also measured depth of water precisely . 2 : 00 - 2 : 30 Kelsey napping , Maddie playing quietly , Beck in cockpit having a peaceful moment . Sneak into cabin and finish Prey ! Now I can think again ! 2 : 30 - 3 : 00 Empty dinghy and lower into water , think upper body workout . Called Little Darby for permission to hike up to castle . Got kids lubed up with sunscreen and gear . 3 : 00 - 5 : 00 Off to island to explore castle . Everything going well until we get out of the dinghy and are assaulted by three dogs ! Kids terrified , mom upset and we are out of there . Would have been nice if the caretaker had mentioned these ! Motored over to Rudder and the round house . Second highlight of the day , the first being the sail from Rat to Adderly . We landed on the beach and walked up to the house . Pretty much just as we had left it eight years ago . The limo was gone however . Back to the beach where two plastic chairs were left behind and amazingly in semi working condition ! We were able to sit and the girls played with a stick . Boy have things changed ! Hung out until the sun started to get low . Spent a fair amount of time with some lizards as well . 5 : 00 - 6 : 00 Family trampoline time and happy hour ! Noticed how low the tide was and decided to " walk " around the boat ! Took the time to scrub the exhaust stains of off the transoms . Sun dipped and I climbed back aboard to help with dinner . 6 : 00 - 7 : 00 Dinner , chicken and rice , and evening routine . LOTS of dishes . Tooth brushing and beginning of book reading . I read to Kelsey , about 8 books and she wanted to keep going . She was asleep by 7 : 30 and I dosed off with her . Continue journal around 8 : 30 8 : 30 - 10 : 30 Going through West Marine catalog making up large wish list . Going page by page . Spent and hour putting together screens for the boat . Well worth the effort . Purchased some screen before we left . That and a little duck tape do the trick . Took measurement for some more Lewmar screens . Wrote several eMails and sent . At least an hour spent on reading business stuff from Anchorage and responding . In bed by 10 : 30 I 'm a closet " motorer " and now that I think about it , a proud one . I have a feeling I am not alone . There is a certain glamour to the idea of sailing , there is a certain practicality to actually " getting there " . First let 's talk about sailing , the act of actually putting up sails and going . For many years I raced and this was all that was allowed . Perhaps that explains my canvas rebellion . Now before I get too far ahead of myself I must say good advice to any " newbie " is RACE . Being wet , cold , injured , verbally abused while inebriated will prepare you for much of what the ocean has in store . I personally was never entrusted with much aft of the foredeck so " cold and wet " pretty much encapsulate those formative years . Racing prepares one for the inevitable and constant failures that plague even modern rigs . There is a degree of physical fitness , a step or two up from golf , and a large amount of problem solving under pressure . Racing also has a large social component which forces one to pledge allegiance to all things canvas . The part that is kind of funny is anytime we had to actually GET the boat anywhere we MOTORED . So how much do we motor over sail ? I 'd say 80 / 20 ( ah Pareto 's Law ) . Yes folks this sailing blog should be a powerboat blog . Heresy you say . Now this was not the case in the Pacific and the tradewinds . One of the most wonderful qualities of that stretch of ocean is the consistent beam to broad reach . The dirty little secret , however , was that the problem was rarely too much wind , the challenge , more times than not , was too little . At these times rather than sit there clanging around in the swell we would " fire em up " . Ohana ( the catamaran ) had two 27hp yanmars and with one ticking away a few things would happen . First , the boat would start moving , from four knots to seven . This alone was a great motivator to captain and crew . The boat would " quiet down " except for the hum of the diesel of course , but that was oddly comforting . On a light air trip from Fiji to New Zealand we had one engine on ALL THE TIME . That 's seven days ! It was me and a friend and as I recall he said " it made him comfortable " to hear the purring of a well tuned diesel . I 'm all about making our crew comfortable . The second reason I 'm not shy about firing up an engine or two is safety . Generally I 'm sailing short handed and being at anchor is a lot safer than being on the ocean . A well maintained diesel can run for thousands of hours and the engines LIKE being used . The key words " well maintained " opens up a whole new entertainment center for the cruiser . Maintaining a diesel engine is fun in itself and rewarding , at least in my world of limited entertainment . This piece is basically a rationalization piece to those of us who like the hear the hum of a motor and are looking for an excuse to come out of the shadows and share our enthusiasm for the same . It is also a call to those who have the " dream " to consider not just looking up , but also looking down , into the darkness of their engine rooms and embrace that warm lovable hunk of iron . Let 's take a few brief minutes to discuss what the little darling needs and what the benefits are of making her your best friend . The ONE THING a diesel engine needs is CLEAN FUEL . That 's pretty much it . An intimate knowledge of your fuel system is a must and if you bought a used boat , particularly one that has seen little use , you already have a challenge . Your fuel is dirty , just make that assumption . What to do ? Filtration . Now I 'm not a fuel expert and I 'm not recommending any particular products . I have used Raycor filters on just about every boat I can recall and the cartridges are EASY to obtain WORLDWIDE , carry lots . Now the best setup is one that has two filters in parallel and allows you to switch to the second filter as the first becomes fouled . I don 't have this on the current Ohana nor on the previous ( cheap bastard ) . The key to know when your filter is on its way out is a vacuum gauge . Mount this invaluable gadget where it is easily seen and check it often . I watch ours regularly and for the first couple of 100 hours on Ohana 2 she would gum up fairly quickly . What was happening was we were essentially " polishing " the fuel . After two hundred hours or so this has become much less frequent . There is a filter on your engine as well and is often neglected . This filter does not need to be changed as often as the Raycor filter , which does most of the heavy lifting , but does need to be attended to on occasion . The second key is keeping the tools needed to change the filter right next to the filter . This includes in our case a plastic folgers coffee can and a one gallon jug of clean diesel to fill the new filter . I do the same thing for the alternator belt . All three wrenches to change the belt are in their own pocket in our tool bag . Changing that belt should be able to be accomplished in 3 minutes or less ( the replacement is hanging in the engine room ready to go ) . The dreaded " bleeding " of the engine . For some reason this little operation strikes more fear into the hearts of mariners than warranted . Air is the enemy to your diesel and if a bit gets in , usually during the filter changing process , she won 't want to run . If you change your filter , add fuel before reinstalling and generally do a tidy job , odds are she will fire right up , burp a few times and then purr like a kitten . If you don 't and you find you have to bleed , fret not . It 's an easy operation best done first at the dock on a nice calm day close to a NAPA store . If you are really hesitant to touch your engine hire a diesel mechanic the first time and " pay your tuition " . While he is there question him down about every little trick and do your best to keep him well hydrated and happy . Start with a water / soda combination , transition to beer as the job appears to be reaching its natural conclusion . Money well spent . After this it 's oil and oxygen . Change oil often , engine AND transmission . Again have all the tools at the ready , no searching involved for the oil , as far as the oxygen goes make sure your baby can get it . I have not had a proper air filter on any our last few motors so have not worried about much . Odds are you will leave your boat for periods of time unattended . Do yourself a favor and top up the diesel just before putting her to bed . This helps prevent condensation and depending on what climate you leave her in this could be considerable . Condensation equals water and water to diesel is like . . . . . . . any suggestions ? Let 's just say it ain 't good ! One final note regarding your power set up is that expensive bronze thing that sits at the end of the shaft , your prop . Successful long distance motoring is dramatically enhanced with the right one . This topic is so loaded and passions run so high that I will defer to your good sense to do your research and come to your own conclusions . For me I 've stuck with a fixed three bladed prop , the largest that makes sense and it appeals to my sense of simple . This in on our monohulls , the cat came with two adjustable pitch max props . When we first got her she was terribly over pitched with the engines not able to get over 2100 rpm . Again setting up props and deciding on the right pitch is way beyond the scope of this short story but is something you must understand and address . Once you get it right you will motor with confidence into wind and sea and be able to back up like a pro . Take the time . Back to motoring . . . . Enjoy it , for a few delightful years I had the opportunity to drive an Auckland New Zealand Harbor Ferry , the Osprey . Two BIG twin caterpillar diesel , great crew ( nod to Captains Kent , Gordon , Alan , John and Jackie ( stewardess who may actually read this if she finds it on FB ) , plenty of waterline , 24 knots at cruise . Three stories above the water , in the full beam pilot house , life couldn 't get better . We would dock thirty eight times a shift in all sorts of conditions and get to see the harbor in every mood and season . Did I mention three stories up and climate controlled ( sort of ) ? Flash forward to the fall of 2015 delivering a little forty footer ( Ohana 2 ) from Noank to Nassau . Out on Long Island Sound heading west into a brisk breeze , little Yanmar ticking away , foulies zipped up tight . As I listened to the engine hum " that " thought crossed my mind , as it crosses many seasoned sailors . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . memories of the ferry . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . and the idea that perhaps it 's time to look for a Trawler ; - ) P . S . Speaking of Motoring Madison and I will be doing the same around the Bahamas from about January 25th 2017 to February 20th 2017 . If you see us do stop on by ! ! ! Now I have met folks cruising on an ultra budget who were doing a great job of it . A couple we met in Tonga come to mind . They were young and on a 40 some odd foot non - descript monohull . At the beach party in Vavauu , anchorage 14 , they were roasting some fish on the fire for their dinner . We had a great talk about their travels and " living off the land " . My wife 's cousin and his partner are another example . At a Christmas party two decades ago he asked me , with great enthusiasm coupled with little sailing experience , what kind of boat he could get cheap and sail offshore with . I thought about it and said " Crealock Dreadnaught 32 " and left it at that . A few months later he called and said he bought one ( I about fell of my chair ! ) , they left from Juneau Alaska with a 50lb bag of rice and a spear gun ( I 'm exaggerating , but not too much ) and ended up in Japan where they sold the boat . They went on to buy a 40 ' steel hull at a scrap yard , lived in it at the scrap yard while they " built it " . A year or two later took off again for Mexico , Hawaii , Midway ( where they worked for a year to build up their funds ) and then back to Alaska . He even built the MAST from a pipe ! ! ! These kind of folks can and do cruise on a budget of 500 . 00 per month . Now for the rest of us . . . . . . . . When I see an online post saying " I want to buy a $ 20 , 000 . 00 ocean going boat and cruise on 800 . 00 per month and I need to learn how to sail " I kind of wince . The advice that comes out on the chat room is good and it can be done , see the above , but is it likely ? The two examples earlier were of folks who lived off the land well before going cruising and who were predisposed to doing lots with very little . Those of us who come from fairly comfortable land based occupations with partners and children who are accustomed to certain " comforts " this notion of spending next to nothing each month generally ends prematurely and poorly . One day I was walking back to Ohana at Palm Harbor Marina in West Palm and saw a man sitting on the dock literally in tears . I walked up to ask if all was ok and struck up " the conversation " about what happened . This is not the first conversation like this I have had , in fact , had the same one just last year in Cape May with a man on a nice Pacific Seacraft Crealock 34 ( I detect a theme ) . The conversation goes something like this : " I 've dreamed of cruising my whole life . I read everything , researched everything , bought the boat and had a great couple of years outfitting her and fixing her up . Finally we decided to go and headed down to Florida in anticipation of sailing to the Bahamas and points south . Somewhere around Charleston my wife quit . She said it 's too . . . . . . . . . fill in all the " too 's " , too hot , expensive , cold , boring , terrifying , lonely , far from the kids , claustrophobic . . . . . . you get the idea . So here I am with my dream and I have to sell it . " The Cape May guy was more to the point of finances . He had done all of the same and had a VERY specific monthly budget . His transmission gave up in Cape May ( see upcoming post on " motoring " to know why ) and he literally could not afford to replace and nor afford to keep her at a dock or haul her out and store her . He was selling and he was having a fire sale . For a brief moment , as he told his story , I considered offering to help and pay for a transmission but as he kept talking I changed my mind . It would only be subsidizing what he was already ill prepared for and would just end a little further down the ditch . The point , for most folks , it 's going to " cost " a lot more than you think . Nothing makes me happier than to see folks out there really ENJOYING the life and not constantly on the wrong side of the ledger . Speaking of which I better get to work so we can go off sailing next week ! Have a blessed day all ! Early on we shared a boat with a good friend and sailed about six months a year ( he sailed the other six ) . Read earlier post " back story " for the details . Here 's the story . One afternoon I found myself sitting on a remote beach , Scarlett anchored just offshore with a Nordhavn 60 ' anchored nearby . We were the only two . We had brought the dinghy in for some afternoon exploring and a swim . Soon after we arrived the Nordhavn launched their tender ( we had a dinghy , they had a tender ) and they headed to our beach . I 've forgotten the man 's name but this scene played out many times over the years . We 'd say hello and each couple would begin to tell their story . He would be late 50 's to early 60 's . Second marriage and they were " living the dream " . Where from , where going , etc . After a few minutes the ladies would walk off to chat and we would sit down in the shade and talk a bit more . The next question would be " what do you do ? " I 'm sure you 've been there and you have your story . I 'd share ours . Given our tender ages there was some genuine interest in how we managed to get there and be able to spend several months " living the dream " . We would then proceed to share stories of business and finances and experiences . At some point in the conversation I would ask my question , what 's your best advice ? Being 30 years old on a beach with a man who has led his life is such an opportunity . On more than one occasion the advice would be similar to the advice the man from the 60 ' Nordhavn gave . Paul , see that boat there and my beautiful wife ? Yes . I would trade it all to have my family . You see Paul I worked 24 / 7 for twenty years to build my business . We were wildly successful . I provided every material want my family needed , all except one . . . . . . . . me . Time went by , divorce , estrangement from my children and now grandchildren . Paul , if you can , and it seems you might be able to , take the years your children are growing up and spend it with them . That was the advice and this happened on more than one occasion . Those days of childless wandering did come to a close . Scarlett was sold and we settled into life in Anchorage Alaska . We continued to grow our business , built a house , had our first daughter in 1998 . Our second arrived in 2001 . Those words stuck with me . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . One day I came home from another 14 hour day to find my lovely wife sitting in our " playroom " staring at the world map ( that map sits behind me right now 15 years later ) . We had a conversation about " what we were doing and what we could do " . That advice , " take the years your children are growing up and spend it with them . " was ringing in my head . We then made the worst financial decision of our lives . Fifteen years later , thousands of ocean miles , residents of a new country , we still eat and travel and pay taxes . Are we as " wealthy " as we could have been ? Not by a long shot , but I 'm convinced if we stayed on the track we were on and failed to heed that wise advice , I would have ended up sitting on a beach giving advice to a young man to , if at all possible , " take those precious years that your family is growing up and spend it with them . " Blessings all . . . . . How often have you heard this ? Now I have always been a destination guy . Always " moving " towards some distant goal and the places in between were on " The Plan " . I never really thought much about this until this last month when I found myself with absolutely NO PLAN . Now Steve and Jim at Loggerhead Marina ( Highly recommend ) in Stuart did not like this as it really messes with the paperwork ! More on that shortly for those who dare to read this whole post . The rough plan this month was to come down to Florida for spring break with Madison our oldest . I was to fly down early and get the boat ready including all new mast and rigging with some golf thrown in . Madison would fly down solo for her first time and together we would spend 10 days " doing our thing " . Well the rigging and mast plan went great and when she arrived we sat down to come up with " The Plan " . We had nothing : - ) The decision was made to sail out and see what the conditions dictated and take it from there . This is new territory for dear Captain and honestly , was kind of refreshing . Rather than some epic goal we would just go . So on Wednesday morning we dropped lines , pumped the poop and let Steve and Jim know we were leaving for good , or not . We headed out Stuart inlet and turned ESE for West End Bahamas ( habit ) . About 20 miles out and well into the Gulf Stream Madison said " I 'd really like to have ice cream at Sloans " . See we purchased Ohana 1 ( the cat ) in West Palm Beach in 2002 ( Madison was 4 at the time ) and spent the better part of two years in and out of Palm Harbor Marina as we prepared her for the Caribbean and Pacific . West Palm holds many fond memories : Two Girls Pizza , Clematis Street , The " Fountain " where the kids could play and Sloans Ice Cream . But what about " The Plan " ? ? ? There was none ! We turned to the South West , a pod of dolphins joined us and off we went to get ice cream . Now I had visions of waking to a Bahamas sunrise in West End and working our way to Marsh Harbor , leaving the boat there . We ended up visiting the Four Arts and med ( See Photo Gallery for lots of Pics ) I walked past the mega yachts that surrounded little Ohana at the Viaduct Marina in Auckland . One in particular , I 've forgotten the name , stood out . I looked at the table set on the afterdeck , it was spectacular . Three crew members were in attendance , the guests soon to arrive . . . . . . . . . . . . . lighting perfect , settings perfect . . . . . . . . . . . . what were they going to discuss , I would never know . At first I thought about the " consumption . " Who needs all that , how did they " get " it , why does it matter ? To be honest I had a bit of envy along with a bit of curiosity . So much . . . . . . . . why ? I thought about it . I would have loved to have been a fly on that wall . Here 's what I came up with : The conversations that take place around a table are the fuel . The people that contribute are the engine . If we 're blessed we can enjoy many evenings with many people who make our lives richer and fuller for having sat there . The photo gallery on this blog home page entitled " Happy Hours " captures a few of these evenings we had the honor to enjoy aboard Ohana . I have a feeling that if a boat might be a measure of one 's material success , the quality of the conversations around those tables , such as the yacht I was looking at , might be a good measure of a one 's hospitality , curiosity and inquisitiveness . So that gets us back to our humble little table . It is easy for a man to look " up " to bigger and better . Our " table " wasn 't on a mega yacht but for us may as well have been . It has entertained a wide variety of characters from all over the world . Who would have thought a boy and girl from humble beginnings in New York and Alaska would sit with corporate giants , financiers , pastors , hippies , singers , actors , tech moguls , eccentrics , escapists . . . . . . . . . . . the list goes on . It all happened around our little table . Speaking of " happy hour " I 've had a few so will sign off early . Invite people . . . . . . . . . . . . . they make it oh so colorful . One last story . This fall I was sailing south and found myself in Sandy Hook ( Atlantic Highlands NJ ) . Earlier in the day the engine died and was an afternoon of back and forth to NAPA to sort things out . At first I hitched a ride with a local , his wife and brother in law . I realized soon after that NAPA was a short walk and made several trips back and forth as I diagnosed the problem . It 's part of the deal and those folks were great ! Well 6pm was rolling around and I was sitting in the cockpit looking around and a noticed a dinghy going boat to boat inviting people over for happy hour . I thought " I 'd like to have happy hour " but kept my hand down . Well Scott came by Ohana and invited me ! I hopped aboard and soon realized his other passenger was the fellow who drove me to NAPA ! We ended up aboard Tamure and enjoyed a great evening with every single hander in the harbor along with Scott and Kitty who it turns out are a bit of legends in the sailing world . Their boat was a living museum . Check out their site for Tamure by clicking on the link . Along with these two links Great Escape and Atlantic Circle We sat in the cockpit around their " table " and as the evening progressed moved down below . It was magic . They took the time to invite and that is an encouragement to me to do the same . At times I resist but I know that all that is good occurs around that place , the table . CruisersForum has a lot of questions regarding storm tactics with Catamarans . I have to confess I asked many of the same when we first bought Ohana and went as far as purchasing a monster parachute anchor which we carried all over the Caribbean and Pacific . We never deployed it . This is my stab at answering , at least , how we did it . The question is always " what were the worst conditions you were ever in . " That answer is a four hour period between Tonga and New Zealand in 2005 where we were averaging 16 knots in some pretty big seas . The video above is from a trip to Tonga in 2010 with the aforementioned Vito onboard . It looks rough but the boat could handle that and much more . That was pretty much it . Of the tens of thousands of miles I 've covered those four hours and 60 some odd miles were the most lively . The 2005 experience ? Well later on I 'll discuss my philosophy of sailing " with the storm " , suffice it to say we were doing just that and the wind was off our quarter where we wanted it and the seas were with us so to speak . . . . and they were big . Reef early ( that 's a tip ) , and we had , but even with a triple reef in the main and a handkerchief of jib out we were FLYING and it was loud . The sound a big cat makes going over 10 knots is like living in a waterfall . Going 15 - 16 is a whole other story . Down each wave she accelerates and it was those few moments at the bottom where I had pause . Bows please come up . . . . . . . . . and each time they would and I would say " elevator up ! " This went on for four hours or so as we ducked under the lower part of the system on our way south . That was the most tense I 've been while offshore . Believe it or not the girls played quietly on the deck in the main salon and Becky looked up every now and then and asked if we were ok , amazing . Disclaimer : The advise here is free and you get what you pay for . Take it for it is , know your boat well and be honest about your skill set . I would also equip much differently for sailing in high latitudes or off season . The other thing I 've learned is the boat can take a lot more than the crew . We were in conditions like the video for several days after leaving Opua , several large monohulls actually turned back . Ohana kept skipping along . One night Garth , who was along for his first offshore passage , wanted to go on deck and put one final reef in . My advise to him was " nothing good cPoint 3 - I 'm scratching my chin here . All that comes to mind is how important it is to know your personal limits and not put your crew or yourself in a situation you or the boat are not truly prepared to handle . That and DO NOT sail on a schedule if at all possible . This is about catamarans and if you 've read this far you probably own one so here is the final dirty little secret , they all slam ( some more than others ) , they all take 15 knots of wind to really get moving and none of them really go to weather nor should they . All the more reason to sail the fronts in my opinion and keep her moving , when the wind falls below 10 knots and the boat slows to 4 time to kick on an engine . Time to hit the sack internet friends ! Have a blessed day and many happy and safe miles . I am the most unlikely Hunter owner . Back in the " day " selling boats was the game and Hunter was a big no - no . I was a Hunter Snob with no real reason to be so , short of a little conversation at a boat show . I was actually looking at the Hunters and commenting on how nice they were for the money . At twenty some odd years old what did I know ? Let 's call him Crusty , the broker who had taken me under his wing , said " boat show boat " . That was all it took to turn me off to Hunters . Three words . What does " boat show boat " mean ? Basically a boat the wife likes at the boat show , huge interiors , ticks all the boxes , priced well and falls apart after a few years in the Florida sun . Soon after , as a young yacht broker , I actually sold a Hunter and it looked just like Crusty described , weather beaten and tired . Tied up behind a house in Port Orange Florida we limped it up to Seven Seas Marina in Daytona for haul out and inspection . All I believed about Hunters seemed to be true . That was the last I thought of Hunters until I met Vito but , before we introduce this character , one has to ask why was I looking for a boat like a Hunter in the first place . I wasn 't . This past Alaska winter our oldest daughter looked at me and said " Dad , what good is all this experience if you don 't share it ? " followed with , " can we get a boat and just you and I spend the summer sailing together . " Annie get your gun ! I was off to the races . This coincided with an article in Cruising Outpost issue # 8 entitled " The Whole Nine Yards " the story of two girls , a dog , a cat and a 27 ' boat ( support Bob Bitchin and buy the mag , it 's worth the eight bucks ) . That question and article set the Berger wheels in motion . Let 's find a small " beater boat " , not too fancy and easily handled by one or two . Something the girls could grow into and make it their own should they have the desire . The usual suspects came to mind , Catalina 30 , J 30 , C & C 30 or up a little to the 35 ' range . After a good talk with long suffering wife ( who , bless her heart , generally supports a good ole adventure after the idea has a little time to marinate ) gave her approval and I began the search . Now there is a whole other post on buying boats and I wrote it a few days ago and it was summarily VAPORIZED by sailblogs . Here is the cliff note version : Know that as you look " the one " will likely show up and don 't be afraid to buy it . That 's basically it . The " one " is easier to see after you 've been on a few and start to get a feel for what 's out there . In the case of this project the size quickly grew to 40 ' as we adjusted and thought about family vacations with all four of us and the prospect of having a relatively inexpensive floating condo . Fair enough and in our experience 40 ' still met the expectation of being easily handled by one or two . I flew into Annapolis late April and started the hunt . This took me from Deltaville Virginia as far north as Westport Connecticut . I looked at Beneteaus , Catalina , Jenneaus and two newer Hunters . Nothing was " clicking " although the Hunters were cool they had the new B & R rigs ( no backstay ) and one had the expected deck leaks that I had been warned of . Remember Vito ? Picture a Sicilian bull dog with a heart of gold . We met Vito , Madeline and their daughter Amanda in Bora Bora back in 2005 . At the time they were aboard Wanderer , a beautiful and capable Amel 53 . My father was onboard Ohana , he had grown up in the Bronx and worked in New York City for most of his career . As soon as he heard Vito 's deep Italian voice on the VHF he had to meet him . Kind of a cross between CarTalk and a Corleone . Just made you feel safe and nervous at the same time . Now Vito and I became quick friends and have remained so for over a decade . I TRUST him and value his opinion and on one topic in particular he was adamant and unwavering . . . . . . . . . . . . Hunter Legends . As soon as I mentioned this idea of a small beater boat for the east coast he said " Paully , you got ta look at da Hunter Legend ! " He had one for over a decade ( two actually if memory serves , a 37 ' and a 40 . 5 ) and just would not stop raving about the boat . I still had my 1987 snob hat on and kept politely deferring . Finally , I broke , as nothing was really feeling right on my search so far . I located a Hunter Legend 40 . 5 on the Eastern Shore of Maryland and invested the time to drive over onI met the broker and we trudged out against the north wind and as I walked up to Hunter Legend 40 . 5 for the first time the thing that struck me was that she was big . Just big compared to all the other 40 's I had been looking at . She had a 7 / 8th fractional rig which you J sailors know is a great set up for short handed sailing and powerful . The cockpit had a cutout transom ( wife request ) and there were hatches galore ! What 's going on here , it must leak like a sieve . We climbed aboard ( they have a high freeboard and are beamy which explains the interior volume ) and I mean climbed . Slid open the companionway hatch and I was just blown away by the cabin , oh my goodness , I was falling into the " boat show boat " trap ! This boat was twenty years old however and had not yet melted as Crusty had promised , good sign . A 50hp Yanmar diesel - yea , tons of cabinet space , plenty of light , a well laid out galley , two heads . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Vito was right , this boat was incredible . There must be a catch . With that many opening hatches let 's look for leaks , there were none . This particular boat was poorly maintained and run hard . The bones though looked great and it was time to find all the Hunter 40 . 5s on the East Coast and have a real look . That took an evening with Yachtworld along with one more drive up and down the coast looking at four examples of the boat . I had evidently seen the worst of the lot first and the other three I found were all in terrific condition . All were mid 90 's boats with light use and well maintained . The last of the bunch had an offer on it already and was a tri - cabin which I felt was superior with a family and left a cabin just for storing stuff . At first it was off the list given its pending sale put that sale fell through and I was able to finally get onboard . She was " the one " , you just know it . I have to thank Cherie Startner of Great Blue Yachts for just calling . I bugged her about the boat for a few days while the Annapolis Boat show was going on ( she was in the middle of it and having done So here we are Hunter owners . . . . . . . . . . who would have thought ? At this point we 've put about 3000 plus miles on her in a variety of conditions from Nantucket to Nassau . She has proved to be fast , seaworthy , comfortable at the dock and anchor as well as very easy to handle . That 's the story . I think at the end of the day whatever boat you find yourself in will work for almost anything . What they take is care , feeding and love . . . . . . . . . . . perhaps that 's the part you feel . . . . . . the love . I 've been thinking back over all of our passages over the years . There are several themes to each one , let 's call them the " life of a passage " . It starts ( the actual passage ) with dropping the lines . Everything before this moment is safe and predictable . See Madison 's blog entitled " Phase 2 " ( http : / / captain - andthekid . blogspot . com / 2015 / 05 / phase - 2 . html ) . I 'll copy the text below and save you the cut and paste . She talks about the provisioning , fixing , storing , preparing , reading , talking . . . . . . . . . . every fun thing we do before leaving on an extended passage . Dropping the lines though . . . . . . . taking off into the unknown . That 's another story . The worst time for me was leaving the Galapagos for the longest passage of our life , the 3000nm to the Marquesas . The first 48 hours were torture . All was fine on the boat , all were happy , just the feeling in the pit of my stomach . All the " what ifs " , they were real and turning around was not an option . That time passed and we developed a routine and those 18 days were some of the best memories of our cruising life . Those first 48 were part of it . Recently I found myself at Spicer 's Marina in Noank Connecticut about to take of on a solo delivery to Florida . Prior to leaving Becky said in no uncertain terms , " if you change your mind just don 't go , no biggie " . I had been in New England for a week or so at that point . Had made the Costco runs , visited Vito and Madeline from Wanderer , met all the neighbors on the dock and had begun to develop the marina friendships that sprout up quickly among our community . That Saturday was shaping up to be like many Saturdays on G pier at Spicers . The party boat was setting up across the dock and the beer was already flowing . The weekend " wash the boat " crowds were washing and the fisherman were cleaning fish . A BBQ was being set up on the dock and I was having a ball talking with everyone , asking questions , listening to stories , telling stories , the usual . The idea of leaving was just the furthest thing from my mind . . . . . . . . . . . . and the closest . For ( the picture for this post is from that day just after getting the autopilot working and heading over to Fisher 's Island ) A lot has happened over the course of 24 hours for us . Phase 2 is in motion and it hit hard today . What is phase 1 you ask ? Sit down mortals , grab some trail mix , let me explain . Phase 1 of sailing is getting on board , cleaning the boat , stocking the boat , provisioning , driving around boating supply stores in a rental car , learning how the toilets work , fixing the engine , buying silverware and kitcheny stuff , febreezing the heck out of everything , the list goes on . Believe it or not learning how toilets work on a boat is a very hard concept for most people to wrap their heads around . When I was a little girl and someone new would come onboard , before anything at all I would give them a tour of the boat and teach them how the toilets worked . That stuff is witchcraft man . Phase 1 of sailing is super important because if your boat isn 't organised and clean and everyone on board isn 't prepared , certified and educated on why turning off lights is so important , you probably aren 't ready for phase 2 . We 've spent a good week in phase 1 . The time we 've spent running through the isles of West Marine , Home Depot and Fawcett 's boat store , is crazy . You 'd think we were part time owners by now . Phase 2 is where stuff gets real . You leave the marina and get a mooring . The boat starts rocking . You 're seasick . You walk around in your underwear . This is when you know there 's no turning back . Today I knew it was phase 2 because when I woke up my dad was gone , and my little boatie kid instincts said to make breakfast . Not to do any phase 1 stuff , just jump right into boat life and start the day because I know we had some sailing ahead of us . I made my dad spam and eggs and I made a bowl of pineapple for myself . When I was a kid spam was like a gift from God . Kel and I would smell spam in the morning and we knew it was someones birthday or Jesus had come back or something . My sister and I held spam on the highest pedestal in terms of breakfast foods . I realised today my childhood was a lie and spam is just dog food strategically placAfter cabin inspection and the kitchen and boat was all clean , my dad 's friend and the boatyard manager , Ted came over to help fix our engine . He talked to us for a long , long time about life and politics and the history of the city . He 's lived here for most of his life and he told us when he was a kid black people would live underneath the tiniest abandoned boats that were just left there on the side of the creek . They would crab all day , cook fish at night , and just raise their kids and live their lives . He said they were the nicest people and would always talk to him and his friends when they walked the creek like Huckleberry Finn or something . Keep in mind , this was a totally different time in history . The black people would flip the boats over so they could use them as shelter and a place to sleep . Eventually , in the immancipation proclamation , Abe Lincoln gave that land away to the black people . The white people didn 't want it because of the bugs . What a bunch of wimpies . Ted was a cool guy to listen to . The people you meet sailing are really the folks you 'll remember your entire life . I have friends my age and I have some amazing people in my day to day life but the characters I really remember are the weirdos you run into on the water . I don 't see them all the time , and I may never see them again in my life but I 'll never forget the people I met as a kid cruising . We still have life long friends from Norway , England , all over America , and every corner of the planet . Not a lot are my age and I can 't relate to any of them that well but learning about other people 's lives and stories is really a gift and if you have the chance to talk to people , especially travelling I highly recommend it . My dad and I drove to do a couple more errands to finish off the tedious and draining phase 1 . We dropped off the rental car and got a taxi back to the boat yard . I can 't stand taxis , it 's like paying someone to kidnap you and your family . They might as well just carry candy with them , give you the whole experience . We got back to the boatyard and took off . We just sailed to downtown Annapolis and there were tons of boats out . It 's a total sailing town , every single person that lives there owns a boat or at least works or crews on one . I didn 't get behind the wheel , I just took care of lines and tying the boat on and off . When we finally approached the mooring my dad left getting the boat on the mooring up to me which wasn 't too scary until we got up close to it . The notion that I 'd never done this before kicked in and I was really nervous I was going to fall overboard or ya know , miss the mooring . I got the line on the boat on the first try though . It was pretty neat . If I accomplished anything this Summer , it was that . I took a stellar nap . My dad tried like crazy to inflate the dingy but nothing was working . Our pump looked like something you would get at party and craft and it was killing him trying to blow this . . thing up . I woke up when it started getting dark outside and there was another guy in the cockpit with my dad . Turns out the boat next to us was from Wasilla , Alaska . I know , the world is so little . Once again , you meet the nicest people sailing . He talked to us about his life , and how he went to Wasilla high and some stuff about politics . Everyone talks about politics with my dad and I . Anyway , this guy , Nick brought a better dingy pump and helped us blow up the dingy and get it in the water . He blogs too . Check out knoticalnic . wordpress . com . I knew knot puns weren 't lame . My dad and I caught the water taxi into town to have some dinner and catch some of the Saturday night action . The city of Annapolis is crazy at night . It 's filled with drunk , white people . Kind of like a family get together at my uncle Jason 's house . We walked the streets and got some sweet tea and dinner at the cutest little diner . I 'm a tea conniosseur and I 'm all about sweet tea but sweet tea in the South is on a whole different level . This was like 90 % sugar . It was diabetes in the cup . I could feel my mom in Alaska screaming . It 's about 12 : 30am here now . I 'm wide awake and I probably will be for a long while . I have a lot on my mind . The one thing about blogging that makes me feel annoying is that it 's mostly or all about my life and experiences . Which is okay , I understand the only people reading this are probably a little curious as to what a 17 year old girl on a boat gets up to on the daily . I cherish people that take time to tell me they read what I write and they find it interesting or funny . My favorite thing is when other people or my friends tell me about their day and what 's going on in their lives so if you do things doing your day , or don 't do things feel free to message me on any site you please and tell me about it . I 'm on a boat , I have a lot of free time to listen . And I love doing so . Even when my nana writes to tell me about her garden club , or my friends back home tell me about their drunk camping trips , I love it . I soak that stuff up . Tell me about your awkward first dance , tell me about what you want to do in the future , tell me about how you picked up 5 cats on the side of the road and your mom said you can 't keep them but they lived in your closet for a week because you couldn 't part with them . Because that 's someone 's life and it 's cool to be apart of that . People are such complex beings , and the day to day stuff that makes up their entire exitence is super cool to hear about . The connections you make , you could have for your entire life . All I do on this blog is tell you about the little bits and peices that I do everyday on the boat , and people seem to read it . I looked at the stats yesterday which is wild considering I can barely work the oven by myself . I 'm like an old lady trying to use an iphone for the first time , I swear . I 'm not as technologically savvy as I seem . Trying to use google maps on my phone is like trying to navigate the mars rover for me . My friends can testify . Anyway , It said over 400 people looked at this blog just yesterday , which kind of freaks me out but it encourages me that people Hugs and kisses from the sea , xo Started this back in 2008 and abandoned quickly for other options . Time has gone by and we 're back ! After many adventures across the Caribbean and Pacific aboard Ohana we are back on it aboard Ohana II . The idea was to find a simple inexpensive boat that Madison and Kelsey could sail . [ . . . ] Also to spend time exploring the East coast and Bahamas and basically getting back to the basics Becky and I enjoyed upon Scarlett . Hope you enjoy ! Also Check out captain - andthekid @ blogspot . com for Madison 's blog : - )
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Each morning I wake to find a bunch of questions posted on " Cruisers and Sailing Forums " . I love taking the time to read and respond where I can . A common question is what to " get rid of " before moving aboard . We 're all for minimization , a pair of socks comes on , a pair goes off . That being said when closing up a household we did not consider that we may one day move back , which we did . This little post is in respect to this topic : - ) _____ Most of the posts that I have seen here on CF since I 've joined last year all talk about moving aboard ( myself included ) . But what happens if you have to , want to , return to a land - based lifestyle ? I only remember seeing one recent post concerning life after cruising ( but I am sure there are more in older posts ) . _____ I like this perspective on considering this very question . We did move aboard and sailed / lived for a decade overseas . We sold the house and all the furniture in it along with most of my larger power tools ( that was a minor mistake ) . We did keep our real estate holdings and in one of the buildings I carved out a storage area for our more treasured belongings . We had traveled a lot before the " big trip " and had lots of little reminders with special meanings , lots of books ( classics and rare ) and lots of artwork etc . After 3 years we ended up in New Zealand where we obtained residency and put our girls in school . On a business trip back to Alaska I arranged to have all that " stuff " sent down . It was like Christmas opening up those boxes and although a bit on the expensive side , putting those items in our new home in NZ made it really feel like home . 7 years later we moved back to the States for a number of reasons which we do not regret at all . This time we hired a 20 ' container and sent what had been accumulated in NZ back after a BIG GARAGE SALE . Now our Alaskan home has a twenty years worth of history and it 's nice to look back over all those memories and tell stories through all those small little items . REGRET ? I should have stored all the big stuff we gave away . Tools first - table saw ( 2000 sold for probably 500 ) and lots of stuff like that . All the sports gear , bikes , kayaks , skis , winter wear , Jeep , etc . Perhaps even some of the furniture . The truth is most all new live aboard cruisers return to land at some point . That would be an interesting survey . The math is pretty straight forward , value of replacing items with storage costs for a given period of time . The sentimental value something different . Found this while muddling through an old laptop . Just a few weeks ago we were back at Rudder Cay . Madison is now 18 and we are short one hull ( Catamaran Pun , please forgive ) . The rhythm felt the same , right down to the dinner : - ) The pic above is from that night fourteen years ago and of the " plastic chairs " we found on the beach . Enjoy ! 5 : 30 Awake , check position and remember to turn off anchor light . Indicator light burned out so placed post - it with big A on it to remind me . Read " Prey " until … 6 : 10 Kelsey cries , wet diaper . Changed and made a break for my book . Had large glass of water , neglected to put coffee on . 6 : 20 Kelsey up , book over . Asking for mama but wants me . Played on settee and brought her down to help wake mama up . 6 : 30 Madison awake , wet her bed which I discovered earlier . She informs me of the same and apologizes . Hard to get mad at her . Making plan to clean sheets using washing contraption . 7 : 00 Clifford , big red dog playing since 6 : 35 while I tried to sneak in a little more book before Becky awoke . She 's up now and wondering where coffee is and why the dishes are not done . Put coffee on , should boil over within 5 minutes . 7 : 05 Boiled over . 7 : 06 to 8 : 00 Made breakfast for self and did dishes . Cleared deck from previous day and made dinghy ready to be lifted . While lifting took the time to spray out the sand . Checked both bilges and pumped port . 8 : 00 to 9 : 00 Talked about future plans and summer housing . Also plans for the day and where we would like to go . Declined offer to go spear fishing , anxious to get moving north . Decided to sail inside of islands , read up on route and made ready . Started engines to make hot water for Becky 's shower and charge batteries . Also turned on watermaker and checked its output . Had Beck bring up the anchor as a drill . She also took the time to raise the main but I finished the heavy lifting . 9 : 00 - 10 : 00 Beautiful sail from Rat Cay to Adderley . Shallow area , on high alert ! Crystal clear water and perfect wind ghosting along at 6 knots over 6 feet of water . Some minor nail biting . Looked hard for El McPherson 's house . 10 : 00 - 11 : 00 Out the cut and into deep water . Lots of current ! Jib down and messed around with the spinnaker for a while . Girls playing in fort on cockpit . Must be a million degrees out here ! Sweating through everything and a lot of running around . 12 : 00 - 1 : 00 Find our way into Rudder Cut and Darby . Trouble deciding which way to go . Saw some nudies heading to Rudder so decided on Darby . Shallow anchorage so dove on anchor , looked ok . Set anchor watch on GPS . Dove on speed transducer and freed it . Also measured depth of water precisely . 2 : 00 - 2 : 30 Kelsey napping , Maddie playing quietly , Beck in cockpit having a peaceful moment . Sneak into cabin and finish Prey ! Now I can think again ! 2 : 30 - 3 : 00 Empty dinghy and lower into water , think upper body workout . Called Little Darby for permission to hike up to castle . Got kids lubed up with sunscreen and gear . 3 : 00 - 5 : 00 Off to island to explore castle . Everything going well until we get out of the dinghy and are assaulted by three dogs ! Kids terrified , mom upset and we are out of there . Would have been nice if the caretaker had mentioned these ! Motored over to Rudder and the round house . Second highlight of the day , the first being the sail from Rat to Adderly . We landed on the beach and walked up to the house . Pretty much just as we had left it eight years ago . The limo was gone however . Back to the beach where two plastic chairs were left behind and amazingly in semi working condition ! We were able to sit and the girls played with a stick . Boy have things changed ! Hung out until the sun started to get low . Spent a fair amount of time with some lizards as well . 5 : 00 - 6 : 00 Family trampoline time and happy hour ! Noticed how low the tide was and decided to " walk " around the boat ! Took the time to scrub the exhaust stains of off the transoms . Sun dipped and I climbed back aboard to help with dinner . 6 : 00 - 7 : 00 Dinner , chicken and rice , and evening routine . LOTS of dishes . Tooth brushing and beginning of book reading . I read to Kelsey , about 8 books and she wanted to keep going . She was asleep by 7 : 30 and I dosed off with her . Continue journal around 8 : 30 8 : 30 - 10 : 30 Going through West Marine catalog making up large wish list . Going page by page . Spent and hour putting together screens for the boat . Well worth the effort . Purchased some screen before we left . That and a little duck tape do the trick . Took measurement for some more Lewmar screens . Wrote several eMails and sent . At least an hour spent on reading business stuff from Anchorage and responding . In bed by 10 : 30 I 'm a closet " motorer " and now that I think about it , a proud one . I have a feeling I am not alone . There is a certain glamour to the idea of sailing , there is a certain practicality to actually " getting there " . First let 's talk about sailing , the act of actually putting up sails and going . For many years I raced and this was all that was allowed . Perhaps that explains my canvas rebellion . Now before I get too far ahead of myself I must say good advice to any " newbie " is RACE . Being wet , cold , injured , verbally abused while inebriated will prepare you for much of what the ocean has in store . I personally was never entrusted with much aft of the foredeck so " cold and wet " pretty much encapsulate those formative years . Racing prepares one for the inevitable and constant failures that plague even modern rigs . There is a degree of physical fitness , a step or two up from golf , and a large amount of problem solving under pressure . Racing also has a large social component which forces one to pledge allegiance to all things canvas . The part that is kind of funny is anytime we had to actually GET the boat anywhere we MOTORED . So how much do we motor over sail ? I 'd say 80 / 20 ( ah Pareto 's Law ) . Yes folks this sailing blog should be a powerboat blog . Heresy you say . Now this was not the case in the Pacific and the tradewinds . One of the most wonderful qualities of that stretch of ocean is the consistent beam to broad reach . The dirty little secret , however , was that the problem was rarely too much wind , the challenge , more times than not , was too little . At these times rather than sit there clanging around in the swell we would " fire em up " . Ohana ( the catamaran ) had two 27hp yanmars and with one ticking away a few things would happen . First , the boat would start moving , from four knots to seven . This alone was a great motivator to captain and crew . The boat would " quiet down " except for the hum of the diesel of course , but that was oddly comforting . On a light air trip from Fiji to New Zealand we had one engine on ALL THE TIME . That 's seven days ! It was me and a friend and as I recall he said " it made him comfortable " to hear the purring of a well tuned diesel . I 'm all about making our crew comfortable . The second reason I 'm not shy about firing up an engine or two is safety . Generally I 'm sailing short handed and being at anchor is a lot safer than being on the ocean . A well maintained diesel can run for thousands of hours and the engines LIKE being used . The key words " well maintained " opens up a whole new entertainment center for the cruiser . Maintaining a diesel engine is fun in itself and rewarding , at least in my world of limited entertainment . This piece is basically a rationalization piece to those of us who like the hear the hum of a motor and are looking for an excuse to come out of the shadows and share our enthusiasm for the same . It is also a call to those who have the " dream " to consider not just looking up , but also looking down , into the darkness of their engine rooms and embrace that warm lovable hunk of iron . Let 's take a few brief minutes to discuss what the little darling needs and what the benefits are of making her your best friend . The ONE THING a diesel engine needs is CLEAN FUEL . That 's pretty much it . An intimate knowledge of your fuel system is a must and if you bought a used boat , particularly one that has seen little use , you already have a challenge . Your fuel is dirty , just make that assumption . What to do ? Filtration . Now I 'm not a fuel expert and I 'm not recommending any particular products . I have used Raycor filters on just about every boat I can recall and the cartridges are EASY to obtain WORLDWIDE , carry lots . Now the best setup is one that has two filters in parallel and allows you to switch to the second filter as the first becomes fouled . I don 't have this on the current Ohana nor on the previous ( cheap bastard ) . The key to know when your filter is on its way out is a vacuum gauge . Mount this invaluable gadget where it is easily seen and check it often . I watch ours regularly and for the first couple of 100 hours on Ohana 2 she would gum up fairly quickly . What was happening was we were essentially " polishing " the fuel . After two hundred hours or so this has become much less frequent . There is a filter on your engine as well and is often neglected . This filter does not need to be changed as often as the Raycor filter , which does most of the heavy lifting , but does need to be attended to on occasion . The second key is keeping the tools needed to change the filter right next to the filter . This includes in our case a plastic folgers coffee can and a one gallon jug of clean diesel to fill the new filter . I do the same thing for the alternator belt . All three wrenches to change the belt are in their own pocket in our tool bag . Changing that belt should be able to be accomplished in 3 minutes or less ( the replacement is hanging in the engine room ready to go ) . The dreaded " bleeding " of the engine . For some reason this little operation strikes more fear into the hearts of mariners than warranted . Air is the enemy to your diesel and if a bit gets in , usually during the filter changing process , she won 't want to run . If you change your filter , add fuel before reinstalling and generally do a tidy job , odds are she will fire right up , burp a few times and then purr like a kitten . If you don 't and you find you have to bleed , fret not . It 's an easy operation best done first at the dock on a nice calm day close to a NAPA store . If you are really hesitant to touch your engine hire a diesel mechanic the first time and " pay your tuition " . While he is there question him down about every little trick and do your best to keep him well hydrated and happy . Start with a water / soda combination , transition to beer as the job appears to be reaching its natural conclusion . Money well spent . After this it 's oil and oxygen . Change oil often , engine AND transmission . Again have all the tools at the ready , no searching involved for the oil , as far as the oxygen goes make sure your baby can get it . I have not had a proper air filter on any our last few motors so have not worried about much . Odds are you will leave your boat for periods of time unattended . Do yourself a favor and top up the diesel just before putting her to bed . This helps prevent condensation and depending on what climate you leave her in this could be considerable . Condensation equals water and water to diesel is like . . . . . . . any suggestions ? Let 's just say it ain 't good ! One final note regarding your power set up is that expensive bronze thing that sits at the end of the shaft , your prop . Successful long distance motoring is dramatically enhanced with the right one . This topic is so loaded and passions run so high that I will defer to your good sense to do your research and come to your own conclusions . For me I 've stuck with a fixed three bladed prop , the largest that makes sense and it appeals to my sense of simple . This in on our monohulls , the cat came with two adjustable pitch max props . When we first got her she was terribly over pitched with the engines not able to get over 2100 rpm . Again setting up props and deciding on the right pitch is way beyond the scope of this short story but is something you must understand and address . Once you get it right you will motor with confidence into wind and sea and be able to back up like a pro . Take the time . Back to motoring . . . . Enjoy it , for a few delightful years I had the opportunity to drive an Auckland New Zealand Harbor Ferry , the Osprey . Two BIG twin caterpillar diesel , great crew ( nod to Captains Kent , Gordon , Alan , John and Jackie ( stewardess who may actually read this if she finds it on FB ) , plenty of waterline , 24 knots at cruise . Three stories above the water , in the full beam pilot house , life couldn 't get better . We would dock thirty eight times a shift in all sorts of conditions and get to see the harbor in every mood and season . Did I mention three stories up and climate controlled ( sort of ) ? Flash forward to the fall of 2015 delivering a little forty footer ( Ohana 2 ) from Noank to Nassau . Out on Long Island Sound heading west into a brisk breeze , little Yanmar ticking away , foulies zipped up tight . As I listened to the engine hum " that " thought crossed my mind , as it crosses many seasoned sailors . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . memories of the ferry . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . and the idea that perhaps it 's time to look for a Trawler ; - ) P . S . Speaking of Motoring Madison and I will be doing the same around the Bahamas from about January 25th 2017 to February 20th 2017 . If you see us do stop on by ! ! ! Now I have met folks cruising on an ultra budget who were doing a great job of it . A couple we met in Tonga come to mind . They were young and on a 40 some odd foot non - descript monohull . At the beach party in Vavauu , anchorage 14 , they were roasting some fish on the fire for their dinner . We had a great talk about their travels and " living off the land " . My wife 's cousin and his partner are another example . At a Christmas party two decades ago he asked me , with great enthusiasm coupled with little sailing experience , what kind of boat he could get cheap and sail offshore with . I thought about it and said " Crealock Dreadnaught 32 " and left it at that . A few months later he called and said he bought one ( I about fell of my chair ! ) , they left from Juneau Alaska with a 50lb bag of rice and a spear gun ( I 'm exaggerating , but not too much ) and ended up in Japan where they sold the boat . They went on to buy a 40 ' steel hull at a scrap yard , lived in it at the scrap yard while they " built it " . A year or two later took off again for Mexico , Hawaii , Midway ( where they worked for a year to build up their funds ) and then back to Alaska . He even built the MAST from a pipe ! ! ! These kind of folks can and do cruise on a budget of 500 . 00 per month . Now for the rest of us . . . . . . . . When I see an online post saying " I want to buy a $ 20 , 000 . 00 ocean going boat and cruise on 800 . 00 per month and I need to learn how to sail " I kind of wince . The advice that comes out on the chat room is good and it can be done , see the above , but is it likely ? The two examples earlier were of folks who lived off the land well before going cruising and who were predisposed to doing lots with very little . Those of us who come from fairly comfortable land based occupations with partners and children who are accustomed to certain " comforts " this notion of spending next to nothing each month generally ends prematurely and poorly . One day I was walking back to Ohana at Palm Harbor Marina in West Palm and saw a man sitting on the dock literally in tears . I walked up to ask if all was ok and struck up " the conversation " about what happened . This is not the first conversation like this I have had , in fact , had the same one just last year in Cape May with a man on a nice Pacific Seacraft Crealock 34 ( I detect a theme ) . The conversation goes something like this : " I 've dreamed of cruising my whole life . I read everything , researched everything , bought the boat and had a great couple of years outfitting her and fixing her up . Finally we decided to go and headed down to Florida in anticipation of sailing to the Bahamas and points south . Somewhere around Charleston my wife quit . She said it 's too . . . . . . . . . fill in all the " too 's " , too hot , expensive , cold , boring , terrifying , lonely , far from the kids , claustrophobic . . . . . . you get the idea . So here I am with my dream and I have to sell it . " The Cape May guy was more to the point of finances . He had done all of the same and had a VERY specific monthly budget . His transmission gave up in Cape May ( see upcoming post on " motoring " to know why ) and he literally could not afford to replace and nor afford to keep her at a dock or haul her out and store her . He was selling and he was having a fire sale . For a brief moment , as he told his story , I considered offering to help and pay for a transmission but as he kept talking I changed my mind . It would only be subsidizing what he was already ill prepared for and would just end a little further down the ditch . The point , for most folks , it 's going to " cost " a lot more than you think . Nothing makes me happier than to see folks out there really ENJOYING the life and not constantly on the wrong side of the ledger . Speaking of which I better get to work so we can go off sailing next week ! Have a blessed day all ! Early on we shared a boat with a good friend and sailed about six months a year ( he sailed the other six ) . Read earlier post " back story " for the details . Here 's the story . One afternoon I found myself sitting on a remote beach , Scarlett anchored just offshore with a Nordhavn 60 ' anchored nearby . We were the only two . We had brought the dinghy in for some afternoon exploring and a swim . Soon after we arrived the Nordhavn launched their tender ( we had a dinghy , they had a tender ) and they headed to our beach . I 've forgotten the man 's name but this scene played out many times over the years . We 'd say hello and each couple would begin to tell their story . He would be late 50 's to early 60 's . Second marriage and they were " living the dream " . Where from , where going , etc . After a few minutes the ladies would walk off to chat and we would sit down in the shade and talk a bit more . The next question would be " what do you do ? " I 'm sure you 've been there and you have your story . I 'd share ours . Given our tender ages there was some genuine interest in how we managed to get there and be able to spend several months " living the dream " . We would then proceed to share stories of business and finances and experiences . At some point in the conversation I would ask my question , what 's your best advice ? Being 30 years old on a beach with a man who has led his life is such an opportunity . On more than one occasion the advice would be similar to the advice the man from the 60 ' Nordhavn gave . Paul , see that boat there and my beautiful wife ? Yes . I would trade it all to have my family . You see Paul I worked 24 / 7 for twenty years to build my business . We were wildly successful . I provided every material want my family needed , all except one . . . . . . . . me . Time went by , divorce , estrangement from my children and now grandchildren . Paul , if you can , and it seems you might be able to , take the years your children are growing up and spend it with them . That was the advice and this happened on more than one occasion . Those days of childless wandering did come to a close . Scarlett was sold and we settled into life in Anchorage Alaska . We continued to grow our business , built a house , had our first daughter in 1998 . Our second arrived in 2001 . Those words stuck with me . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . One day I came home from another 14 hour day to find my lovely wife sitting in our " playroom " staring at the world map ( that map sits behind me right now 15 years later ) . We had a conversation about " what we were doing and what we could do " . That advice , " take the years your children are growing up and spend it with them . " was ringing in my head . We then made the worst financial decision of our lives . Fifteen years later , thousands of ocean miles , residents of a new country , we still eat and travel and pay taxes . Are we as " wealthy " as we could have been ? Not by a long shot , but I 'm convinced if we stayed on the track we were on and failed to heed that wise advice , I would have ended up sitting on a beach giving advice to a young man to , if at all possible , " take those precious years that your family is growing up and spend it with them . " Blessings all . . . . . How often have you heard this ? Now I have always been a destination guy . Always " moving " towards some distant goal and the places in between were on " The Plan " . I never really thought much about this until this last month when I found myself with absolutely NO PLAN . Now Steve and Jim at Loggerhead Marina ( Highly recommend ) in Stuart did not like this as it really messes with the paperwork ! More on that shortly for those who dare to read this whole post . The rough plan this month was to come down to Florida for spring break with Madison our oldest . I was to fly down early and get the boat ready including all new mast and rigging with some golf thrown in . Madison would fly down solo for her first time and together we would spend 10 days " doing our thing " . Well the rigging and mast plan went great and when she arrived we sat down to come up with " The Plan " . We had nothing : - ) The decision was made to sail out and see what the conditions dictated and take it from there . This is new territory for dear Captain and honestly , was kind of refreshing . Rather than some epic goal we would just go . So on Wednesday morning we dropped lines , pumped the poop and let Steve and Jim know we were leaving for good , or not . We headed out Stuart inlet and turned ESE for West End Bahamas ( habit ) . About 20 miles out and well into the Gulf Stream Madison said " I 'd really like to have ice cream at Sloans " . See we purchased Ohana 1 ( the cat ) in West Palm Beach in 2002 ( Madison was 4 at the time ) and spent the better part of two years in and out of Palm Harbor Marina as we prepared her for the Caribbean and Pacific . West Palm holds many fond memories : Two Girls Pizza , Clematis Street , The " Fountain " where the kids could play and Sloans Ice Cream . But what about " The Plan " ? ? ? There was none ! We turned to the South West , a pod of dolphins joined us and off we went to get ice cream . Now I had visions of waking to a Bahamas sunrise in West End and working our way to Marsh Harbor , leaving the boat there . We ended up visiting the Four Arts and med ( See Photo Gallery for lots of Pics ) I walked past the mega yachts that surrounded little Ohana at the Viaduct Marina in Auckland . One in particular , I 've forgotten the name , stood out . I looked at the table set on the afterdeck , it was spectacular . Three crew members were in attendance , the guests soon to arrive . . . . . . . . . . . . . lighting perfect , settings perfect . . . . . . . . . . . . what were they going to discuss , I would never know . At first I thought about the " consumption . " Who needs all that , how did they " get " it , why does it matter ? To be honest I had a bit of envy along with a bit of curiosity . So much . . . . . . . . why ? I thought about it . I would have loved to have been a fly on that wall . Here 's what I came up with : The conversations that take place around a table are the fuel . The people that contribute are the engine . If we 're blessed we can enjoy many evenings with many people who make our lives richer and fuller for having sat there . The photo gallery on this blog home page entitled " Happy Hours " captures a few of these evenings we had the honor to enjoy aboard Ohana . I have a feeling that if a boat might be a measure of one 's material success , the quality of the conversations around those tables , such as the yacht I was looking at , might be a good measure of a one 's hospitality , curiosity and inquisitiveness . So that gets us back to our humble little table . It is easy for a man to look " up " to bigger and better . Our " table " wasn 't on a mega yacht but for us may as well have been . It has entertained a wide variety of characters from all over the world . Who would have thought a boy and girl from humble beginnings in New York and Alaska would sit with corporate giants , financiers , pastors , hippies , singers , actors , tech moguls , eccentrics , escapists . . . . . . . . . . . the list goes on . It all happened around our little table . Speaking of " happy hour " I 've had a few so will sign off early . Invite people . . . . . . . . . . . . . they make it oh so colorful . One last story . This fall I was sailing south and found myself in Sandy Hook ( Atlantic Highlands NJ ) . Earlier in the day the engine died and was an afternoon of back and forth to NAPA to sort things out . At first I hitched a ride with a local , his wife and brother in law . I realized soon after that NAPA was a short walk and made several trips back and forth as I diagnosed the problem . It 's part of the deal and those folks were great ! Well 6pm was rolling around and I was sitting in the cockpit looking around and a noticed a dinghy going boat to boat inviting people over for happy hour . I thought " I 'd like to have happy hour " but kept my hand down . Well Scott came by Ohana and invited me ! I hopped aboard and soon realized his other passenger was the fellow who drove me to NAPA ! We ended up aboard Tamure and enjoyed a great evening with every single hander in the harbor along with Scott and Kitty who it turns out are a bit of legends in the sailing world . Their boat was a living museum . Check out their site for Tamure by clicking on the link . Along with these two links Great Escape and Atlantic Circle We sat in the cockpit around their " table " and as the evening progressed moved down below . It was magic . They took the time to invite and that is an encouragement to me to do the same . At times I resist but I know that all that is good occurs around that place , the table . CruisersForum has a lot of questions regarding storm tactics with Catamarans . I have to confess I asked many of the same when we first bought Ohana and went as far as purchasing a monster parachute anchor which we carried all over the Caribbean and Pacific . We never deployed it . This is my stab at answering , at least , how we did it . The question is always " what were the worst conditions you were ever in . " That answer is a four hour period between Tonga and New Zealand in 2005 where we were averaging 16 knots in some pretty big seas . The video above is from a trip to Tonga in 2010 with the aforementioned Vito onboard . It looks rough but the boat could handle that and much more . That was pretty much it . Of the tens of thousands of miles I 've covered those four hours and 60 some odd miles were the most lively . The 2005 experience ? Well later on I 'll discuss my philosophy of sailing " with the storm " , suffice it to say we were doing just that and the wind was off our quarter where we wanted it and the seas were with us so to speak . . . . and they were big . Reef early ( that 's a tip ) , and we had , but even with a triple reef in the main and a handkerchief of jib out we were FLYING and it was loud . The sound a big cat makes going over 10 knots is like living in a waterfall . Going 15 - 16 is a whole other story . Down each wave she accelerates and it was those few moments at the bottom where I had pause . Bows please come up . . . . . . . . . and each time they would and I would say " elevator up ! " This went on for four hours or so as we ducked under the lower part of the system on our way south . That was the most tense I 've been while offshore . Believe it or not the girls played quietly on the deck in the main salon and Becky looked up every now and then and asked if we were ok , amazing . Disclaimer : The advise here is free and you get what you pay for . Take it for it is , know your boat well and be honest about your skill set . I would also equip much differently for sailing in high latitudes or off season . The other thing I 've learned is the boat can take a lot more than the crew . We were in conditions like the video for several days after leaving Opua , several large monohulls actually turned back . Ohana kept skipping along . One night Garth , who was along for his first offshore passage , wanted to go on deck and put one final reef in . My advise to him was " nothing good cPoint 3 - I 'm scratching my chin here . All that comes to mind is how important it is to know your personal limits and not put your crew or yourself in a situation you or the boat are not truly prepared to handle . That and DO NOT sail on a schedule if at all possible . This is about catamarans and if you 've read this far you probably own one so here is the final dirty little secret , they all slam ( some more than others ) , they all take 15 knots of wind to really get moving and none of them really go to weather nor should they . All the more reason to sail the fronts in my opinion and keep her moving , when the wind falls below 10 knots and the boat slows to 4 time to kick on an engine . Time to hit the sack internet friends ! Have a blessed day and many happy and safe miles . I am the most unlikely Hunter owner . Back in the " day " selling boats was the game and Hunter was a big no - no . I was a Hunter Snob with no real reason to be so , short of a little conversation at a boat show . I was actually looking at the Hunters and commenting on how nice they were for the money . At twenty some odd years old what did I know ? Let 's call him Crusty , the broker who had taken me under his wing , said " boat show boat " . That was all it took to turn me off to Hunters . Three words . What does " boat show boat " mean ? Basically a boat the wife likes at the boat show , huge interiors , ticks all the boxes , priced well and falls apart after a few years in the Florida sun . Soon after , as a young yacht broker , I actually sold a Hunter and it looked just like Crusty described , weather beaten and tired . Tied up behind a house in Port Orange Florida we limped it up to Seven Seas Marina in Daytona for haul out and inspection . All I believed about Hunters seemed to be true . That was the last I thought of Hunters until I met Vito but , before we introduce this character , one has to ask why was I looking for a boat like a Hunter in the first place . I wasn 't . This past Alaska winter our oldest daughter looked at me and said " Dad , what good is all this experience if you don 't share it ? " followed with , " can we get a boat and just you and I spend the summer sailing together . " Annie get your gun ! I was off to the races . This coincided with an article in Cruising Outpost issue # 8 entitled " The Whole Nine Yards " the story of two girls , a dog , a cat and a 27 ' boat ( support Bob Bitchin and buy the mag , it 's worth the eight bucks ) . That question and article set the Berger wheels in motion . Let 's find a small " beater boat " , not too fancy and easily handled by one or two . Something the girls could grow into and make it their own should they have the desire . The usual suspects came to mind , Catalina 30 , J 30 , C & C 30 or up a little to the 35 ' range . After a good talk with long suffering wife ( who , bless her heart , generally supports a good ole adventure after the idea has a little time to marinate ) gave her approval and I began the search . Now there is a whole other post on buying boats and I wrote it a few days ago and it was summarily VAPORIZED by sailblogs . Here is the cliff note version : Know that as you look " the one " will likely show up and don 't be afraid to buy it . That 's basically it . The " one " is easier to see after you 've been on a few and start to get a feel for what 's out there . In the case of this project the size quickly grew to 40 ' as we adjusted and thought about family vacations with all four of us and the prospect of having a relatively inexpensive floating condo . Fair enough and in our experience 40 ' still met the expectation of being easily handled by one or two . I flew into Annapolis late April and started the hunt . This took me from Deltaville Virginia as far north as Westport Connecticut . I looked at Beneteaus , Catalina , Jenneaus and two newer Hunters . Nothing was " clicking " although the Hunters were cool they had the new B & R rigs ( no backstay ) and one had the expected deck leaks that I had been warned of . Remember Vito ? Picture a Sicilian bull dog with a heart of gold . We met Vito , Madeline and their daughter Amanda in Bora Bora back in 2005 . At the time they were aboard Wanderer , a beautiful and capable Amel 53 . My father was onboard Ohana , he had grown up in the Bronx and worked in New York City for most of his career . As soon as he heard Vito 's deep Italian voice on the VHF he had to meet him . Kind of a cross between CarTalk and a Corleone . Just made you feel safe and nervous at the same time . Now Vito and I became quick friends and have remained so for over a decade . I TRUST him and value his opinion and on one topic in particular he was adamant and unwavering . . . . . . . . . . . . Hunter Legends . As soon as I mentioned this idea of a small beater boat for the east coast he said " Paully , you got ta look at da Hunter Legend ! " He had one for over a decade ( two actually if memory serves , a 37 ' and a 40 . 5 ) and just would not stop raving about the boat . I still had my 1987 snob hat on and kept politely deferring . Finally , I broke , as nothing was really feeling right on my search so far . I located a Hunter Legend 40 . 5 on the Eastern Shore of Maryland and invested the time to drive over onI met the broker and we trudged out against the north wind and as I walked up to Hunter Legend 40 . 5 for the first time the thing that struck me was that she was big . Just big compared to all the other 40 's I had been looking at . She had a 7 / 8th fractional rig which you J sailors know is a great set up for short handed sailing and powerful . The cockpit had a cutout transom ( wife request ) and there were hatches galore ! What 's going on here , it must leak like a sieve . We climbed aboard ( they have a high freeboard and are beamy which explains the interior volume ) and I mean climbed . Slid open the companionway hatch and I was just blown away by the cabin , oh my goodness , I was falling into the " boat show boat " trap ! This boat was twenty years old however and had not yet melted as Crusty had promised , good sign . A 50hp Yanmar diesel - yea , tons of cabinet space , plenty of light , a well laid out galley , two heads . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Vito was right , this boat was incredible . There must be a catch . With that many opening hatches let 's look for leaks , there were none . This particular boat was poorly maintained and run hard . The bones though looked great and it was time to find all the Hunter 40 . 5s on the East Coast and have a real look . That took an evening with Yachtworld along with one more drive up and down the coast looking at four examples of the boat . I had evidently seen the worst of the lot first and the other three I found were all in terrific condition . All were mid 90 's boats with light use and well maintained . The last of the bunch had an offer on it already and was a tri - cabin which I felt was superior with a family and left a cabin just for storing stuff . At first it was off the list given its pending sale put that sale fell through and I was able to finally get onboard . She was " the one " , you just know it . I have to thank Cherie Startner of Great Blue Yachts for just calling . I bugged her about the boat for a few days while the Annapolis Boat show was going on ( she was in the middle of it and having done So here we are Hunter owners . . . . . . . . . . who would have thought ? At this point we 've put about 3000 plus miles on her in a variety of conditions from Nantucket to Nassau . She has proved to be fast , seaworthy , comfortable at the dock and anchor as well as very easy to handle . That 's the story . I think at the end of the day whatever boat you find yourself in will work for almost anything . What they take is care , feeding and love . . . . . . . . . . . perhaps that 's the part you feel . . . . . . the love . I 've been thinking back over all of our passages over the years . There are several themes to each one , let 's call them the " life of a passage " . It starts ( the actual passage ) with dropping the lines . Everything before this moment is safe and predictable . See Madison 's blog entitled " Phase 2 " ( http : / / captain - andthekid . blogspot . com / 2015 / 05 / phase - 2 . html ) . I 'll copy the text below and save you the cut and paste . She talks about the provisioning , fixing , storing , preparing , reading , talking . . . . . . . . . . every fun thing we do before leaving on an extended passage . Dropping the lines though . . . . . . . taking off into the unknown . That 's another story . The worst time for me was leaving the Galapagos for the longest passage of our life , the 3000nm to the Marquesas . The first 48 hours were torture . All was fine on the boat , all were happy , just the feeling in the pit of my stomach . All the " what ifs " , they were real and turning around was not an option . That time passed and we developed a routine and those 18 days were some of the best memories of our cruising life . Those first 48 were part of it . Recently I found myself at Spicer 's Marina in Noank Connecticut about to take of on a solo delivery to Florida . Prior to leaving Becky said in no uncertain terms , " if you change your mind just don 't go , no biggie " . I had been in New England for a week or so at that point . Had made the Costco runs , visited Vito and Madeline from Wanderer , met all the neighbors on the dock and had begun to develop the marina friendships that sprout up quickly among our community . That Saturday was shaping up to be like many Saturdays on G pier at Spicers . The party boat was setting up across the dock and the beer was already flowing . The weekend " wash the boat " crowds were washing and the fisherman were cleaning fish . A BBQ was being set up on the dock and I was having a ball talking with everyone , asking questions , listening to stories , telling stories , the usual . The idea of leaving was just the furthest thing from my mind . . . . . . . . . . . . and the closest . For ( the picture for this post is from that day just after getting the autopilot working and heading over to Fisher 's Island ) A lot has happened over the course of 24 hours for us . Phase 2 is in motion and it hit hard today . What is phase 1 you ask ? Sit down mortals , grab some trail mix , let me explain . Phase 1 of sailing is getting on board , cleaning the boat , stocking the boat , provisioning , driving around boating supply stores in a rental car , learning how the toilets work , fixing the engine , buying silverware and kitcheny stuff , febreezing the heck out of everything , the list goes on . Believe it or not learning how toilets work on a boat is a very hard concept for most people to wrap their heads around . When I was a little girl and someone new would come onboard , before anything at all I would give them a tour of the boat and teach them how the toilets worked . That stuff is witchcraft man . Phase 1 of sailing is super important because if your boat isn 't organised and clean and everyone on board isn 't prepared , certified and educated on why turning off lights is so important , you probably aren 't ready for phase 2 . We 've spent a good week in phase 1 . The time we 've spent running through the isles of West Marine , Home Depot and Fawcett 's boat store , is crazy . You 'd think we were part time owners by now . Phase 2 is where stuff gets real . You leave the marina and get a mooring . The boat starts rocking . You 're seasick . You walk around in your underwear . This is when you know there 's no turning back . Today I knew it was phase 2 because when I woke up my dad was gone , and my little boatie kid instincts said to make breakfast . Not to do any phase 1 stuff , just jump right into boat life and start the day because I know we had some sailing ahead of us . I made my dad spam and eggs and I made a bowl of pineapple for myself . When I was a kid spam was like a gift from God . Kel and I would smell spam in the morning and we knew it was someones birthday or Jesus had come back or something . My sister and I held spam on the highest pedestal in terms of breakfast foods . I realised today my childhood was a lie and spam is just dog food strategically placAfter cabin inspection and the kitchen and boat was all clean , my dad 's friend and the boatyard manager , Ted came over to help fix our engine . He talked to us for a long , long time about life and politics and the history of the city . He 's lived here for most of his life and he told us when he was a kid black people would live underneath the tiniest abandoned boats that were just left there on the side of the creek . They would crab all day , cook fish at night , and just raise their kids and live their lives . He said they were the nicest people and would always talk to him and his friends when they walked the creek like Huckleberry Finn or something . Keep in mind , this was a totally different time in history . The black people would flip the boats over so they could use them as shelter and a place to sleep . Eventually , in the immancipation proclamation , Abe Lincoln gave that land away to the black people . The white people didn 't want it because of the bugs . What a bunch of wimpies . Ted was a cool guy to listen to . The people you meet sailing are really the folks you 'll remember your entire life . I have friends my age and I have some amazing people in my day to day life but the characters I really remember are the weirdos you run into on the water . I don 't see them all the time , and I may never see them again in my life but I 'll never forget the people I met as a kid cruising . We still have life long friends from Norway , England , all over America , and every corner of the planet . Not a lot are my age and I can 't relate to any of them that well but learning about other people 's lives and stories is really a gift and if you have the chance to talk to people , especially travelling I highly recommend it . My dad and I drove to do a couple more errands to finish off the tedious and draining phase 1 . We dropped off the rental car and got a taxi back to the boat yard . I can 't stand taxis , it 's like paying someone to kidnap you and your family . They might as well just carry candy with them , give you the whole experience . We got back to the boatyard and took off . We just sailed to downtown Annapolis and there were tons of boats out . It 's a total sailing town , every single person that lives there owns a boat or at least works or crews on one . I didn 't get behind the wheel , I just took care of lines and tying the boat on and off . When we finally approached the mooring my dad left getting the boat on the mooring up to me which wasn 't too scary until we got up close to it . The notion that I 'd never done this before kicked in and I was really nervous I was going to fall overboard or ya know , miss the mooring . I got the line on the boat on the first try though . It was pretty neat . If I accomplished anything this Summer , it was that . I took a stellar nap . My dad tried like crazy to inflate the dingy but nothing was working . Our pump looked like something you would get at party and craft and it was killing him trying to blow this . . thing up . I woke up when it started getting dark outside and there was another guy in the cockpit with my dad . Turns out the boat next to us was from Wasilla , Alaska . I know , the world is so little . Once again , you meet the nicest people sailing . He talked to us about his life , and how he went to Wasilla high and some stuff about politics . Everyone talks about politics with my dad and I . Anyway , this guy , Nick brought a better dingy pump and helped us blow up the dingy and get it in the water . He blogs too . Check out knoticalnic . wordpress . com . I knew knot puns weren 't lame . My dad and I caught the water taxi into town to have some dinner and catch some of the Saturday night action . The city of Annapolis is crazy at night . It 's filled with drunk , white people . Kind of like a family get together at my uncle Jason 's house . We walked the streets and got some sweet tea and dinner at the cutest little diner . I 'm a tea conniosseur and I 'm all about sweet tea but sweet tea in the South is on a whole different level . This was like 90 % sugar . It was diabetes in the cup . I could feel my mom in Alaska screaming . It 's about 12 : 30am here now . I 'm wide awake and I probably will be for a long while . I have a lot on my mind . The one thing about blogging that makes me feel annoying is that it 's mostly or all about my life and experiences . Which is okay , I understand the only people reading this are probably a little curious as to what a 17 year old girl on a boat gets up to on the daily . I cherish people that take time to tell me they read what I write and they find it interesting or funny . My favorite thing is when other people or my friends tell me about their day and what 's going on in their lives so if you do things doing your day , or don 't do things feel free to message me on any site you please and tell me about it . I 'm on a boat , I have a lot of free time to listen . And I love doing so . Even when my nana writes to tell me about her garden club , or my friends back home tell me about their drunk camping trips , I love it . I soak that stuff up . Tell me about your awkward first dance , tell me about what you want to do in the future , tell me about how you picked up 5 cats on the side of the road and your mom said you can 't keep them but they lived in your closet for a week because you couldn 't part with them . Because that 's someone 's life and it 's cool to be apart of that . People are such complex beings , and the day to day stuff that makes up their entire exitence is super cool to hear about . The connections you make , you could have for your entire life . All I do on this blog is tell you about the little bits and peices that I do everyday on the boat , and people seem to read it . I looked at the stats yesterday which is wild considering I can barely work the oven by myself . I 'm like an old lady trying to use an iphone for the first time , I swear . I 'm not as technologically savvy as I seem . Trying to use google maps on my phone is like trying to navigate the mars rover for me . My friends can testify . Anyway , It said over 400 people looked at this blog just yesterday , which kind of freaks me out but it encourages me that people Hugs and kisses from the sea , xo Started this back in 2008 and abandoned quickly for other options . Time has gone by and we 're back ! After many adventures across the Caribbean and Pacific aboard Ohana we are back on it aboard Ohana II . The idea was to find a simple inexpensive boat that Madison and Kelsey could sail . [ . . . ] Also to spend time exploring the East coast and Bahamas and basically getting back to the basics Becky and I enjoyed upon Scarlett . Hope you enjoy ! Also Check out captain - andthekid @ blogspot . com for Madison 's blog : - )
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Each morning I wake to find a bunch of questions posted on " Cruisers and Sailing Forums " . I love taking the time to read and respond where I can . A common question is what to " get rid of " before moving aboard . We 're all for minimization , a pair of socks comes on , a pair goes off . That being said when closing up a household we did not consider that we may one day move back , which we did . This little post is in respect to this topic : - ) _____ Most of the posts that I have seen here on CF since I 've joined last year all talk about moving aboard ( myself included ) . But what happens if you have to , want to , return to a land - based lifestyle ? I only remember seeing one recent post concerning life after cruising ( but I am sure there are more in older posts ) . _____ I like this perspective on considering this very question . We did move aboard and sailed / lived for a decade overseas . We sold the house and all the furniture in it along with most of my larger power tools ( that was a minor mistake ) . We did keep our real estate holdings and in one of the buildings I carved out a storage area for our more treasured belongings . We had traveled a lot before the " big trip " and had lots of little reminders with special meanings , lots of books ( classics and rare ) and lots of artwork etc . After 3 years we ended up in New Zealand where we obtained residency and put our girls in school . On a business trip back to Alaska I arranged to have all that " stuff " sent down . It was like Christmas opening up those boxes and although a bit on the expensive side , putting those items in our new home in NZ made it really feel like home . 7 years later we moved back to the States for a number of reasons which we do not regret at all . This time we hired a 20 ' container and sent what had been accumulated in NZ back after a BIG GARAGE SALE . Now our Alaskan home has a twenty years worth of history and it 's nice to look back over all those memories and tell stories through all those small little items . REGRET ? I should have stored all the big stuff we gave away . Tools first - table saw ( 2000 sold for probably 500 ) and lots of stuff like that . All the sports gear , bikes , kayaks , skis , winter wear , Jeep , etc . Perhaps even some of the furniture . The truth is most all new live aboard cruisers return to land at some point . That would be an interesting survey . The math is pretty straight forward , value of replacing items with storage costs for a given period of time . The sentimental value something different . Found this while muddling through an old laptop . Just a few weeks ago we were back at Rudder Cay . Madison is now 18 and we are short one hull ( Catamaran Pun , please forgive ) . The rhythm felt the same , right down to the dinner : - ) The pic above is from that night fourteen years ago and of the " plastic chairs " we found on the beach . Enjoy ! 5 : 30 Awake , check position and remember to turn off anchor light . Indicator light burned out so placed post - it with big A on it to remind me . Read " Prey " until … 6 : 10 Kelsey cries , wet diaper . Changed and made a break for my book . Had large glass of water , neglected to put coffee on . 6 : 20 Kelsey up , book over . Asking for mama but wants me . Played on settee and brought her down to help wake mama up . 6 : 30 Madison awake , wet her bed which I discovered earlier . She informs me of the same and apologizes . Hard to get mad at her . Making plan to clean sheets using washing contraption . 7 : 00 Clifford , big red dog playing since 6 : 35 while I tried to sneak in a little more book before Becky awoke . She 's up now and wondering where coffee is and why the dishes are not done . Put coffee on , should boil over within 5 minutes . 7 : 05 Boiled over . 7 : 06 to 8 : 00 Made breakfast for self and did dishes . Cleared deck from previous day and made dinghy ready to be lifted . While lifting took the time to spray out the sand . Checked both bilges and pumped port . 8 : 00 to 9 : 00 Talked about future plans and summer housing . Also plans for the day and where we would like to go . Declined offer to go spear fishing , anxious to get moving north . Decided to sail inside of islands , read up on route and made ready . Started engines to make hot water for Becky 's shower and charge batteries . Also turned on watermaker and checked its output . Had Beck bring up the anchor as a drill . She also took the time to raise the main but I finished the heavy lifting . 9 : 00 - 10 : 00 Beautiful sail from Rat Cay to Adderley . Shallow area , on high alert ! Crystal clear water and perfect wind ghosting along at 6 knots over 6 feet of water . Some minor nail biting . Looked hard for El McPherson 's house . 10 : 00 - 11 : 00 Out the cut and into deep water . Lots of current ! Jib down and messed around with the spinnaker for a while . Girls playing in fort on cockpit . Must be a million degrees out here ! Sweating through everything and a lot of running around . 12 : 00 - 1 : 00 Find our way into Rudder Cut and Darby . Trouble deciding which way to go . Saw some nudies heading to Rudder so decided on Darby . Shallow anchorage so dove on anchor , looked ok . Set anchor watch on GPS . Dove on speed transducer and freed it . Also measured depth of water precisely . 2 : 00 - 2 : 30 Kelsey napping , Maddie playing quietly , Beck in cockpit having a peaceful moment . Sneak into cabin and finish Prey ! Now I can think again ! 2 : 30 - 3 : 00 Empty dinghy and lower into water , think upper body workout . Called Little Darby for permission to hike up to castle . Got kids lubed up with sunscreen and gear . 3 : 00 - 5 : 00 Off to island to explore castle . Everything going well until we get out of the dinghy and are assaulted by three dogs ! Kids terrified , mom upset and we are out of there . Would have been nice if the caretaker had mentioned these ! Motored over to Rudder and the round house . Second highlight of the day , the first being the sail from Rat to Adderly . We landed on the beach and walked up to the house . Pretty much just as we had left it eight years ago . The limo was gone however . Back to the beach where two plastic chairs were left behind and amazingly in semi working condition ! We were able to sit and the girls played with a stick . Boy have things changed ! Hung out until the sun started to get low . Spent a fair amount of time with some lizards as well . 5 : 00 - 6 : 00 Family trampoline time and happy hour ! Noticed how low the tide was and decided to " walk " around the boat ! Took the time to scrub the exhaust stains of off the transoms . Sun dipped and I climbed back aboard to help with dinner . 6 : 00 - 7 : 00 Dinner , chicken and rice , and evening routine . LOTS of dishes . Tooth brushing and beginning of book reading . I read to Kelsey , about 8 books and she wanted to keep going . She was asleep by 7 : 30 and I dosed off with her . Continue journal around 8 : 30 8 : 30 - 10 : 30 Going through West Marine catalog making up large wish list . Going page by page . Spent and hour putting together screens for the boat . Well worth the effort . Purchased some screen before we left . That and a little duck tape do the trick . Took measurement for some more Lewmar screens . Wrote several eMails and sent . At least an hour spent on reading business stuff from Anchorage and responding . In bed by 10 : 30 I 'm a closet " motorer " and now that I think about it , a proud one . I have a feeling I am not alone . There is a certain glamour to the idea of sailing , there is a certain practicality to actually " getting there " . First let 's talk about sailing , the act of actually putting up sails and going . For many years I raced and this was all that was allowed . Perhaps that explains my canvas rebellion . Now before I get too far ahead of myself I must say good advice to any " newbie " is RACE . Being wet , cold , injured , verbally abused while inebriated will prepare you for much of what the ocean has in store . I personally was never entrusted with much aft of the foredeck so " cold and wet " pretty much encapsulate those formative years . Racing prepares one for the inevitable and constant failures that plague even modern rigs . There is a degree of physical fitness , a step or two up from golf , and a large amount of problem solving under pressure . Racing also has a large social component which forces one to pledge allegiance to all things canvas . The part that is kind of funny is anytime we had to actually GET the boat anywhere we MOTORED . So how much do we motor over sail ? I 'd say 80 / 20 ( ah Pareto 's Law ) . Yes folks this sailing blog should be a powerboat blog . Heresy you say . Now this was not the case in the Pacific and the tradewinds . One of the most wonderful qualities of that stretch of ocean is the consistent beam to broad reach . The dirty little secret , however , was that the problem was rarely too much wind , the challenge , more times than not , was too little . At these times rather than sit there clanging around in the swell we would " fire em up " . Ohana ( the catamaran ) had two 27hp yanmars and with one ticking away a few things would happen . First , the boat would start moving , from four knots to seven . This alone was a great motivator to captain and crew . The boat would " quiet down " except for the hum of the diesel of course , but that was oddly comforting . On a light air trip from Fiji to New Zealand we had one engine on ALL THE TIME . That 's seven days ! It was me and a friend and as I recall he said " it made him comfortable " to hear the purring of a well tuned diesel . I 'm all about making our crew comfortable . The second reason I 'm not shy about firing up an engine or two is safety . Generally I 'm sailing short handed and being at anchor is a lot safer than being on the ocean . A well maintained diesel can run for thousands of hours and the engines LIKE being used . The key words " well maintained " opens up a whole new entertainment center for the cruiser . Maintaining a diesel engine is fun in itself and rewarding , at least in my world of limited entertainment . This piece is basically a rationalization piece to those of us who like the hear the hum of a motor and are looking for an excuse to come out of the shadows and share our enthusiasm for the same . It is also a call to those who have the " dream " to consider not just looking up , but also looking down , into the darkness of their engine rooms and embrace that warm lovable hunk of iron . Let 's take a few brief minutes to discuss what the little darling needs and what the benefits are of making her your best friend . The ONE THING a diesel engine needs is CLEAN FUEL . That 's pretty much it . An intimate knowledge of your fuel system is a must and if you bought a used boat , particularly one that has seen little use , you already have a challenge . Your fuel is dirty , just make that assumption . What to do ? Filtration . Now I 'm not a fuel expert and I 'm not recommending any particular products . I have used Raycor filters on just about every boat I can recall and the cartridges are EASY to obtain WORLDWIDE , carry lots . Now the best setup is one that has two filters in parallel and allows you to switch to the second filter as the first becomes fouled . I don 't have this on the current Ohana nor on the previous ( cheap bastard ) . The key to know when your filter is on its way out is a vacuum gauge . Mount this invaluable gadget where it is easily seen and check it often . I watch ours regularly and for the first couple of 100 hours on Ohana 2 she would gum up fairly quickly . What was happening was we were essentially " polishing " the fuel . After two hundred hours or so this has become much less frequent . There is a filter on your engine as well and is often neglected . This filter does not need to be changed as often as the Raycor filter , which does most of the heavy lifting , but does need to be attended to on occasion . The second key is keeping the tools needed to change the filter right next to the filter . This includes in our case a plastic folgers coffee can and a one gallon jug of clean diesel to fill the new filter . I do the same thing for the alternator belt . All three wrenches to change the belt are in their own pocket in our tool bag . Changing that belt should be able to be accomplished in 3 minutes or less ( the replacement is hanging in the engine room ready to go ) . The dreaded " bleeding " of the engine . For some reason this little operation strikes more fear into the hearts of mariners than warranted . Air is the enemy to your diesel and if a bit gets in , usually during the filter changing process , she won 't want to run . If you change your filter , add fuel before reinstalling and generally do a tidy job , odds are she will fire right up , burp a few times and then purr like a kitten . If you don 't and you find you have to bleed , fret not . It 's an easy operation best done first at the dock on a nice calm day close to a NAPA store . If you are really hesitant to touch your engine hire a diesel mechanic the first time and " pay your tuition " . While he is there question him down about every little trick and do your best to keep him well hydrated and happy . Start with a water / soda combination , transition to beer as the job appears to be reaching its natural conclusion . Money well spent . After this it 's oil and oxygen . Change oil often , engine AND transmission . Again have all the tools at the ready , no searching involved for the oil , as far as the oxygen goes make sure your baby can get it . I have not had a proper air filter on any our last few motors so have not worried about much . Odds are you will leave your boat for periods of time unattended . Do yourself a favor and top up the diesel just before putting her to bed . This helps prevent condensation and depending on what climate you leave her in this could be considerable . Condensation equals water and water to diesel is like . . . . . . . any suggestions ? Let 's just say it ain 't good ! One final note regarding your power set up is that expensive bronze thing that sits at the end of the shaft , your prop . Successful long distance motoring is dramatically enhanced with the right one . This topic is so loaded and passions run so high that I will defer to your good sense to do your research and come to your own conclusions . For me I 've stuck with a fixed three bladed prop , the largest that makes sense and it appeals to my sense of simple . This in on our monohulls , the cat came with two adjustable pitch max props . When we first got her she was terribly over pitched with the engines not able to get over 2100 rpm . Again setting up props and deciding on the right pitch is way beyond the scope of this short story but is something you must understand and address . Once you get it right you will motor with confidence into wind and sea and be able to back up like a pro . Take the time . Back to motoring . . . . Enjoy it , for a few delightful years I had the opportunity to drive an Auckland New Zealand Harbor Ferry , the Osprey . Two BIG twin caterpillar diesel , great crew ( nod to Captains Kent , Gordon , Alan , John and Jackie ( stewardess who may actually read this if she finds it on FB ) , plenty of waterline , 24 knots at cruise . Three stories above the water , in the full beam pilot house , life couldn 't get better . We would dock thirty eight times a shift in all sorts of conditions and get to see the harbor in every mood and season . Did I mention three stories up and climate controlled ( sort of ) ? Flash forward to the fall of 2015 delivering a little forty footer ( Ohana 2 ) from Noank to Nassau . Out on Long Island Sound heading west into a brisk breeze , little Yanmar ticking away , foulies zipped up tight . As I listened to the engine hum " that " thought crossed my mind , as it crosses many seasoned sailors . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . memories of the ferry . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . and the idea that perhaps it 's time to look for a Trawler ; - ) P . S . Speaking of Motoring Madison and I will be doing the same around the Bahamas from about January 25th 2017 to February 20th 2017 . If you see us do stop on by ! ! ! Now I have met folks cruising on an ultra budget who were doing a great job of it . A couple we met in Tonga come to mind . They were young and on a 40 some odd foot non - descript monohull . At the beach party in Vavauu , anchorage 14 , they were roasting some fish on the fire for their dinner . We had a great talk about their travels and " living off the land " . My wife 's cousin and his partner are another example . At a Christmas party two decades ago he asked me , with great enthusiasm coupled with little sailing experience , what kind of boat he could get cheap and sail offshore with . I thought about it and said " Crealock Dreadnaught 32 " and left it at that . A few months later he called and said he bought one ( I about fell of my chair ! ) , they left from Juneau Alaska with a 50lb bag of rice and a spear gun ( I 'm exaggerating , but not too much ) and ended up in Japan where they sold the boat . They went on to buy a 40 ' steel hull at a scrap yard , lived in it at the scrap yard while they " built it " . A year or two later took off again for Mexico , Hawaii , Midway ( where they worked for a year to build up their funds ) and then back to Alaska . He even built the MAST from a pipe ! ! ! These kind of folks can and do cruise on a budget of 500 . 00 per month . Now for the rest of us . . . . . . . . When I see an online post saying " I want to buy a $ 20 , 000 . 00 ocean going boat and cruise on 800 . 00 per month and I need to learn how to sail " I kind of wince . The advice that comes out on the chat room is good and it can be done , see the above , but is it likely ? The two examples earlier were of folks who lived off the land well before going cruising and who were predisposed to doing lots with very little . Those of us who come from fairly comfortable land based occupations with partners and children who are accustomed to certain " comforts " this notion of spending next to nothing each month generally ends prematurely and poorly . One day I was walking back to Ohana at Palm Harbor Marina in West Palm and saw a man sitting on the dock literally in tears . I walked up to ask if all was ok and struck up " the conversation " about what happened . This is not the first conversation like this I have had , in fact , had the same one just last year in Cape May with a man on a nice Pacific Seacraft Crealock 34 ( I detect a theme ) . The conversation goes something like this : " I 've dreamed of cruising my whole life . I read everything , researched everything , bought the boat and had a great couple of years outfitting her and fixing her up . Finally we decided to go and headed down to Florida in anticipation of sailing to the Bahamas and points south . Somewhere around Charleston my wife quit . She said it 's too . . . . . . . . . fill in all the " too 's " , too hot , expensive , cold , boring , terrifying , lonely , far from the kids , claustrophobic . . . . . . you get the idea . So here I am with my dream and I have to sell it . " The Cape May guy was more to the point of finances . He had done all of the same and had a VERY specific monthly budget . His transmission gave up in Cape May ( see upcoming post on " motoring " to know why ) and he literally could not afford to replace and nor afford to keep her at a dock or haul her out and store her . He was selling and he was having a fire sale . For a brief moment , as he told his story , I considered offering to help and pay for a transmission but as he kept talking I changed my mind . It would only be subsidizing what he was already ill prepared for and would just end a little further down the ditch . The point , for most folks , it 's going to " cost " a lot more than you think . Nothing makes me happier than to see folks out there really ENJOYING the life and not constantly on the wrong side of the ledger . Speaking of which I better get to work so we can go off sailing next week ! Have a blessed day all ! Early on we shared a boat with a good friend and sailed about six months a year ( he sailed the other six ) . Read earlier post " back story " for the details . Here 's the story . One afternoon I found myself sitting on a remote beach , Scarlett anchored just offshore with a Nordhavn 60 ' anchored nearby . We were the only two . We had brought the dinghy in for some afternoon exploring and a swim . Soon after we arrived the Nordhavn launched their tender ( we had a dinghy , they had a tender ) and they headed to our beach . I 've forgotten the man 's name but this scene played out many times over the years . We 'd say hello and each couple would begin to tell their story . He would be late 50 's to early 60 's . Second marriage and they were " living the dream " . Where from , where going , etc . After a few minutes the ladies would walk off to chat and we would sit down in the shade and talk a bit more . The next question would be " what do you do ? " I 'm sure you 've been there and you have your story . I 'd share ours . Given our tender ages there was some genuine interest in how we managed to get there and be able to spend several months " living the dream " . We would then proceed to share stories of business and finances and experiences . At some point in the conversation I would ask my question , what 's your best advice ? Being 30 years old on a beach with a man who has led his life is such an opportunity . On more than one occasion the advice would be similar to the advice the man from the 60 ' Nordhavn gave . Paul , see that boat there and my beautiful wife ? Yes . I would trade it all to have my family . You see Paul I worked 24 / 7 for twenty years to build my business . We were wildly successful . I provided every material want my family needed , all except one . . . . . . . . me . Time went by , divorce , estrangement from my children and now grandchildren . Paul , if you can , and it seems you might be able to , take the years your children are growing up and spend it with them . That was the advice and this happened on more than one occasion . Those days of childless wandering did come to a close . Scarlett was sold and we settled into life in Anchorage Alaska . We continued to grow our business , built a house , had our first daughter in 1998 . Our second arrived in 2001 . Those words stuck with me . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . One day I came home from another 14 hour day to find my lovely wife sitting in our " playroom " staring at the world map ( that map sits behind me right now 15 years later ) . We had a conversation about " what we were doing and what we could do " . That advice , " take the years your children are growing up and spend it with them . " was ringing in my head . We then made the worst financial decision of our lives . Fifteen years later , thousands of ocean miles , residents of a new country , we still eat and travel and pay taxes . Are we as " wealthy " as we could have been ? Not by a long shot , but I 'm convinced if we stayed on the track we were on and failed to heed that wise advice , I would have ended up sitting on a beach giving advice to a young man to , if at all possible , " take those precious years that your family is growing up and spend it with them . " Blessings all . . . . . How often have you heard this ? Now I have always been a destination guy . Always " moving " towards some distant goal and the places in between were on " The Plan " . I never really thought much about this until this last month when I found myself with absolutely NO PLAN . Now Steve and Jim at Loggerhead Marina ( Highly recommend ) in Stuart did not like this as it really messes with the paperwork ! More on that shortly for those who dare to read this whole post . The rough plan this month was to come down to Florida for spring break with Madison our oldest . I was to fly down early and get the boat ready including all new mast and rigging with some golf thrown in . Madison would fly down solo for her first time and together we would spend 10 days " doing our thing " . Well the rigging and mast plan went great and when she arrived we sat down to come up with " The Plan " . We had nothing : - ) The decision was made to sail out and see what the conditions dictated and take it from there . This is new territory for dear Captain and honestly , was kind of refreshing . Rather than some epic goal we would just go . So on Wednesday morning we dropped lines , pumped the poop and let Steve and Jim know we were leaving for good , or not . We headed out Stuart inlet and turned ESE for West End Bahamas ( habit ) . About 20 miles out and well into the Gulf Stream Madison said " I 'd really like to have ice cream at Sloans " . See we purchased Ohana 1 ( the cat ) in West Palm Beach in 2002 ( Madison was 4 at the time ) and spent the better part of two years in and out of Palm Harbor Marina as we prepared her for the Caribbean and Pacific . West Palm holds many fond memories : Two Girls Pizza , Clematis Street , The " Fountain " where the kids could play and Sloans Ice Cream . But what about " The Plan " ? ? ? There was none ! We turned to the South West , a pod of dolphins joined us and off we went to get ice cream . Now I had visions of waking to a Bahamas sunrise in West End and working our way to Marsh Harbor , leaving the boat there . We ended up visiting the Four Arts and med ( See Photo Gallery for lots of Pics ) I walked past the mega yachts that surrounded little Ohana at the Viaduct Marina in Auckland . One in particular , I 've forgotten the name , stood out . I looked at the table set on the afterdeck , it was spectacular . Three crew members were in attendance , the guests soon to arrive . . . . . . . . . . . . . lighting perfect , settings perfect . . . . . . . . . . . . what were they going to discuss , I would never know . At first I thought about the " consumption . " Who needs all that , how did they " get " it , why does it matter ? To be honest I had a bit of envy along with a bit of curiosity . So much . . . . . . . . why ? I thought about it . I would have loved to have been a fly on that wall . Here 's what I came up with : The conversations that take place around a table are the fuel . The people that contribute are the engine . If we 're blessed we can enjoy many evenings with many people who make our lives richer and fuller for having sat there . The photo gallery on this blog home page entitled " Happy Hours " captures a few of these evenings we had the honor to enjoy aboard Ohana . I have a feeling that if a boat might be a measure of one 's material success , the quality of the conversations around those tables , such as the yacht I was looking at , might be a good measure of a one 's hospitality , curiosity and inquisitiveness . So that gets us back to our humble little table . It is easy for a man to look " up " to bigger and better . Our " table " wasn 't on a mega yacht but for us may as well have been . It has entertained a wide variety of characters from all over the world . Who would have thought a boy and girl from humble beginnings in New York and Alaska would sit with corporate giants , financiers , pastors , hippies , singers , actors , tech moguls , eccentrics , escapists . . . . . . . . . . . the list goes on . It all happened around our little table . Speaking of " happy hour " I 've had a few so will sign off early . Invite people . . . . . . . . . . . . . they make it oh so colorful . One last story . This fall I was sailing south and found myself in Sandy Hook ( Atlantic Highlands NJ ) . Earlier in the day the engine died and was an afternoon of back and forth to NAPA to sort things out . At first I hitched a ride with a local , his wife and brother in law . I realized soon after that NAPA was a short walk and made several trips back and forth as I diagnosed the problem . It 's part of the deal and those folks were great ! Well 6pm was rolling around and I was sitting in the cockpit looking around and a noticed a dinghy going boat to boat inviting people over for happy hour . I thought " I 'd like to have happy hour " but kept my hand down . Well Scott came by Ohana and invited me ! I hopped aboard and soon realized his other passenger was the fellow who drove me to NAPA ! We ended up aboard Tamure and enjoyed a great evening with every single hander in the harbor along with Scott and Kitty who it turns out are a bit of legends in the sailing world . Their boat was a living museum . Check out their site for Tamure by clicking on the link . Along with these two links Great Escape and Atlantic Circle We sat in the cockpit around their " table " and as the evening progressed moved down below . It was magic . They took the time to invite and that is an encouragement to me to do the same . At times I resist but I know that all that is good occurs around that place , the table . CruisersForum has a lot of questions regarding storm tactics with Catamarans . I have to confess I asked many of the same when we first bought Ohana and went as far as purchasing a monster parachute anchor which we carried all over the Caribbean and Pacific . We never deployed it . This is my stab at answering , at least , how we did it . The question is always " what were the worst conditions you were ever in . " That answer is a four hour period between Tonga and New Zealand in 2005 where we were averaging 16 knots in some pretty big seas . The video above is from a trip to Tonga in 2010 with the aforementioned Vito onboard . It looks rough but the boat could handle that and much more . That was pretty much it . Of the tens of thousands of miles I 've covered those four hours and 60 some odd miles were the most lively . The 2005 experience ? Well later on I 'll discuss my philosophy of sailing " with the storm " , suffice it to say we were doing just that and the wind was off our quarter where we wanted it and the seas were with us so to speak . . . . and they were big . Reef early ( that 's a tip ) , and we had , but even with a triple reef in the main and a handkerchief of jib out we were FLYING and it was loud . The sound a big cat makes going over 10 knots is like living in a waterfall . Going 15 - 16 is a whole other story . Down each wave she accelerates and it was those few moments at the bottom where I had pause . Bows please come up . . . . . . . . . and each time they would and I would say " elevator up ! " This went on for four hours or so as we ducked under the lower part of the system on our way south . That was the most tense I 've been while offshore . Believe it or not the girls played quietly on the deck in the main salon and Becky looked up every now and then and asked if we were ok , amazing . Disclaimer : The advise here is free and you get what you pay for . Take it for it is , know your boat well and be honest about your skill set . I would also equip much differently for sailing in high latitudes or off season . The other thing I 've learned is the boat can take a lot more than the crew . We were in conditions like the video for several days after leaving Opua , several large monohulls actually turned back . Ohana kept skipping along . One night Garth , who was along for his first offshore passage , wanted to go on deck and put one final reef in . My advise to him was " nothing good cPoint 3 - I 'm scratching my chin here . All that comes to mind is how important it is to know your personal limits and not put your crew or yourself in a situation you or the boat are not truly prepared to handle . That and DO NOT sail on a schedule if at all possible . This is about catamarans and if you 've read this far you probably own one so here is the final dirty little secret , they all slam ( some more than others ) , they all take 15 knots of wind to really get moving and none of them really go to weather nor should they . All the more reason to sail the fronts in my opinion and keep her moving , when the wind falls below 10 knots and the boat slows to 4 time to kick on an engine . Time to hit the sack internet friends ! Have a blessed day and many happy and safe miles . I am the most unlikely Hunter owner . Back in the " day " selling boats was the game and Hunter was a big no - no . I was a Hunter Snob with no real reason to be so , short of a little conversation at a boat show . I was actually looking at the Hunters and commenting on how nice they were for the money . At twenty some odd years old what did I know ? Let 's call him Crusty , the broker who had taken me under his wing , said " boat show boat " . That was all it took to turn me off to Hunters . Three words . What does " boat show boat " mean ? Basically a boat the wife likes at the boat show , huge interiors , ticks all the boxes , priced well and falls apart after a few years in the Florida sun . Soon after , as a young yacht broker , I actually sold a Hunter and it looked just like Crusty described , weather beaten and tired . Tied up behind a house in Port Orange Florida we limped it up to Seven Seas Marina in Daytona for haul out and inspection . All I believed about Hunters seemed to be true . That was the last I thought of Hunters until I met Vito but , before we introduce this character , one has to ask why was I looking for a boat like a Hunter in the first place . I wasn 't . This past Alaska winter our oldest daughter looked at me and said " Dad , what good is all this experience if you don 't share it ? " followed with , " can we get a boat and just you and I spend the summer sailing together . " Annie get your gun ! I was off to the races . This coincided with an article in Cruising Outpost issue # 8 entitled " The Whole Nine Yards " the story of two girls , a dog , a cat and a 27 ' boat ( support Bob Bitchin and buy the mag , it 's worth the eight bucks ) . That question and article set the Berger wheels in motion . Let 's find a small " beater boat " , not too fancy and easily handled by one or two . Something the girls could grow into and make it their own should they have the desire . The usual suspects came to mind , Catalina 30 , J 30 , C & C 30 or up a little to the 35 ' range . After a good talk with long suffering wife ( who , bless her heart , generally supports a good ole adventure after the idea has a little time to marinate ) gave her approval and I began the search . Now there is a whole other post on buying boats and I wrote it a few days ago and it was summarily VAPORIZED by sailblogs . Here is the cliff note version : Know that as you look " the one " will likely show up and don 't be afraid to buy it . That 's basically it . The " one " is easier to see after you 've been on a few and start to get a feel for what 's out there . In the case of this project the size quickly grew to 40 ' as we adjusted and thought about family vacations with all four of us and the prospect of having a relatively inexpensive floating condo . Fair enough and in our experience 40 ' still met the expectation of being easily handled by one or two . I flew into Annapolis late April and started the hunt . This took me from Deltaville Virginia as far north as Westport Connecticut . I looked at Beneteaus , Catalina , Jenneaus and two newer Hunters . Nothing was " clicking " although the Hunters were cool they had the new B & R rigs ( no backstay ) and one had the expected deck leaks that I had been warned of . Remember Vito ? Picture a Sicilian bull dog with a heart of gold . We met Vito , Madeline and their daughter Amanda in Bora Bora back in 2005 . At the time they were aboard Wanderer , a beautiful and capable Amel 53 . My father was onboard Ohana , he had grown up in the Bronx and worked in New York City for most of his career . As soon as he heard Vito 's deep Italian voice on the VHF he had to meet him . Kind of a cross between CarTalk and a Corleone . Just made you feel safe and nervous at the same time . Now Vito and I became quick friends and have remained so for over a decade . I TRUST him and value his opinion and on one topic in particular he was adamant and unwavering . . . . . . . . . . . . Hunter Legends . As soon as I mentioned this idea of a small beater boat for the east coast he said " Paully , you got ta look at da Hunter Legend ! " He had one for over a decade ( two actually if memory serves , a 37 ' and a 40 . 5 ) and just would not stop raving about the boat . I still had my 1987 snob hat on and kept politely deferring . Finally , I broke , as nothing was really feeling right on my search so far . I located a Hunter Legend 40 . 5 on the Eastern Shore of Maryland and invested the time to drive over onI met the broker and we trudged out against the north wind and as I walked up to Hunter Legend 40 . 5 for the first time the thing that struck me was that she was big . Just big compared to all the other 40 's I had been looking at . She had a 7 / 8th fractional rig which you J sailors know is a great set up for short handed sailing and powerful . The cockpit had a cutout transom ( wife request ) and there were hatches galore ! What 's going on here , it must leak like a sieve . We climbed aboard ( they have a high freeboard and are beamy which explains the interior volume ) and I mean climbed . Slid open the companionway hatch and I was just blown away by the cabin , oh my goodness , I was falling into the " boat show boat " trap ! This boat was twenty years old however and had not yet melted as Crusty had promised , good sign . A 50hp Yanmar diesel - yea , tons of cabinet space , plenty of light , a well laid out galley , two heads . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Vito was right , this boat was incredible . There must be a catch . With that many opening hatches let 's look for leaks , there were none . This particular boat was poorly maintained and run hard . The bones though looked great and it was time to find all the Hunter 40 . 5s on the East Coast and have a real look . That took an evening with Yachtworld along with one more drive up and down the coast looking at four examples of the boat . I had evidently seen the worst of the lot first and the other three I found were all in terrific condition . All were mid 90 's boats with light use and well maintained . The last of the bunch had an offer on it already and was a tri - cabin which I felt was superior with a family and left a cabin just for storing stuff . At first it was off the list given its pending sale put that sale fell through and I was able to finally get onboard . She was " the one " , you just know it . I have to thank Cherie Startner of Great Blue Yachts for just calling . I bugged her about the boat for a few days while the Annapolis Boat show was going on ( she was in the middle of it and having done So here we are Hunter owners . . . . . . . . . . who would have thought ? At this point we 've put about 3000 plus miles on her in a variety of conditions from Nantucket to Nassau . She has proved to be fast , seaworthy , comfortable at the dock and anchor as well as very easy to handle . That 's the story . I think at the end of the day whatever boat you find yourself in will work for almost anything . What they take is care , feeding and love . . . . . . . . . . . perhaps that 's the part you feel . . . . . . the love . I 've been thinking back over all of our passages over the years . There are several themes to each one , let 's call them the " life of a passage " . It starts ( the actual passage ) with dropping the lines . Everything before this moment is safe and predictable . See Madison 's blog entitled " Phase 2 " ( http : / / captain - andthekid . blogspot . com / 2015 / 05 / phase - 2 . html ) . I 'll copy the text below and save you the cut and paste . She talks about the provisioning , fixing , storing , preparing , reading , talking . . . . . . . . . . every fun thing we do before leaving on an extended passage . Dropping the lines though . . . . . . . taking off into the unknown . That 's another story . The worst time for me was leaving the Galapagos for the longest passage of our life , the 3000nm to the Marquesas . The first 48 hours were torture . All was fine on the boat , all were happy , just the feeling in the pit of my stomach . All the " what ifs " , they were real and turning around was not an option . That time passed and we developed a routine and those 18 days were some of the best memories of our cruising life . Those first 48 were part of it . Recently I found myself at Spicer 's Marina in Noank Connecticut about to take of on a solo delivery to Florida . Prior to leaving Becky said in no uncertain terms , " if you change your mind just don 't go , no biggie " . I had been in New England for a week or so at that point . Had made the Costco runs , visited Vito and Madeline from Wanderer , met all the neighbors on the dock and had begun to develop the marina friendships that sprout up quickly among our community . That Saturday was shaping up to be like many Saturdays on G pier at Spicers . The party boat was setting up across the dock and the beer was already flowing . The weekend " wash the boat " crowds were washing and the fisherman were cleaning fish . A BBQ was being set up on the dock and I was having a ball talking with everyone , asking questions , listening to stories , telling stories , the usual . The idea of leaving was just the furthest thing from my mind . . . . . . . . . . . . and the closest . For ( the picture for this post is from that day just after getting the autopilot working and heading over to Fisher 's Island ) A lot has happened over the course of 24 hours for us . Phase 2 is in motion and it hit hard today . What is phase 1 you ask ? Sit down mortals , grab some trail mix , let me explain . Phase 1 of sailing is getting on board , cleaning the boat , stocking the boat , provisioning , driving around boating supply stores in a rental car , learning how the toilets work , fixing the engine , buying silverware and kitcheny stuff , febreezing the heck out of everything , the list goes on . Believe it or not learning how toilets work on a boat is a very hard concept for most people to wrap their heads around . When I was a little girl and someone new would come onboard , before anything at all I would give them a tour of the boat and teach them how the toilets worked . That stuff is witchcraft man . Phase 1 of sailing is super important because if your boat isn 't organised and clean and everyone on board isn 't prepared , certified and educated on why turning off lights is so important , you probably aren 't ready for phase 2 . We 've spent a good week in phase 1 . The time we 've spent running through the isles of West Marine , Home Depot and Fawcett 's boat store , is crazy . You 'd think we were part time owners by now . Phase 2 is where stuff gets real . You leave the marina and get a mooring . The boat starts rocking . You 're seasick . You walk around in your underwear . This is when you know there 's no turning back . Today I knew it was phase 2 because when I woke up my dad was gone , and my little boatie kid instincts said to make breakfast . Not to do any phase 1 stuff , just jump right into boat life and start the day because I know we had some sailing ahead of us . I made my dad spam and eggs and I made a bowl of pineapple for myself . When I was a kid spam was like a gift from God . Kel and I would smell spam in the morning and we knew it was someones birthday or Jesus had come back or something . My sister and I held spam on the highest pedestal in terms of breakfast foods . I realised today my childhood was a lie and spam is just dog food strategically placAfter cabin inspection and the kitchen and boat was all clean , my dad 's friend and the boatyard manager , Ted came over to help fix our engine . He talked to us for a long , long time about life and politics and the history of the city . He 's lived here for most of his life and he told us when he was a kid black people would live underneath the tiniest abandoned boats that were just left there on the side of the creek . They would crab all day , cook fish at night , and just raise their kids and live their lives . He said they were the nicest people and would always talk to him and his friends when they walked the creek like Huckleberry Finn or something . Keep in mind , this was a totally different time in history . The black people would flip the boats over so they could use them as shelter and a place to sleep . Eventually , in the immancipation proclamation , Abe Lincoln gave that land away to the black people . The white people didn 't want it because of the bugs . What a bunch of wimpies . Ted was a cool guy to listen to . The people you meet sailing are really the folks you 'll remember your entire life . I have friends my age and I have some amazing people in my day to day life but the characters I really remember are the weirdos you run into on the water . I don 't see them all the time , and I may never see them again in my life but I 'll never forget the people I met as a kid cruising . We still have life long friends from Norway , England , all over America , and every corner of the planet . Not a lot are my age and I can 't relate to any of them that well but learning about other people 's lives and stories is really a gift and if you have the chance to talk to people , especially travelling I highly recommend it . My dad and I drove to do a couple more errands to finish off the tedious and draining phase 1 . We dropped off the rental car and got a taxi back to the boat yard . I can 't stand taxis , it 's like paying someone to kidnap you and your family . They might as well just carry candy with them , give you the whole experience . We got back to the boatyard and took off . We just sailed to downtown Annapolis and there were tons of boats out . It 's a total sailing town , every single person that lives there owns a boat or at least works or crews on one . I didn 't get behind the wheel , I just took care of lines and tying the boat on and off . When we finally approached the mooring my dad left getting the boat on the mooring up to me which wasn 't too scary until we got up close to it . The notion that I 'd never done this before kicked in and I was really nervous I was going to fall overboard or ya know , miss the mooring . I got the line on the boat on the first try though . It was pretty neat . If I accomplished anything this Summer , it was that . I took a stellar nap . My dad tried like crazy to inflate the dingy but nothing was working . Our pump looked like something you would get at party and craft and it was killing him trying to blow this . . thing up . I woke up when it started getting dark outside and there was another guy in the cockpit with my dad . Turns out the boat next to us was from Wasilla , Alaska . I know , the world is so little . Once again , you meet the nicest people sailing . He talked to us about his life , and how he went to Wasilla high and some stuff about politics . Everyone talks about politics with my dad and I . Anyway , this guy , Nick brought a better dingy pump and helped us blow up the dingy and get it in the water . He blogs too . Check out knoticalnic . wordpress . com . I knew knot puns weren 't lame . My dad and I caught the water taxi into town to have some dinner and catch some of the Saturday night action . The city of Annapolis is crazy at night . It 's filled with drunk , white people . Kind of like a family get together at my uncle Jason 's house . We walked the streets and got some sweet tea and dinner at the cutest little diner . I 'm a tea conniosseur and I 'm all about sweet tea but sweet tea in the South is on a whole different level . This was like 90 % sugar . It was diabetes in the cup . I could feel my mom in Alaska screaming . It 's about 12 : 30am here now . I 'm wide awake and I probably will be for a long while . I have a lot on my mind . The one thing about blogging that makes me feel annoying is that it 's mostly or all about my life and experiences . Which is okay , I understand the only people reading this are probably a little curious as to what a 17 year old girl on a boat gets up to on the daily . I cherish people that take time to tell me they read what I write and they find it interesting or funny . My favorite thing is when other people or my friends tell me about their day and what 's going on in their lives so if you do things doing your day , or don 't do things feel free to message me on any site you please and tell me about it . I 'm on a boat , I have a lot of free time to listen . And I love doing so . Even when my nana writes to tell me about her garden club , or my friends back home tell me about their drunk camping trips , I love it . I soak that stuff up . Tell me about your awkward first dance , tell me about what you want to do in the future , tell me about how you picked up 5 cats on the side of the road and your mom said you can 't keep them but they lived in your closet for a week because you couldn 't part with them . Because that 's someone 's life and it 's cool to be apart of that . People are such complex beings , and the day to day stuff that makes up their entire exitence is super cool to hear about . The connections you make , you could have for your entire life . All I do on this blog is tell you about the little bits and peices that I do everyday on the boat , and people seem to read it . I looked at the stats yesterday which is wild considering I can barely work the oven by myself . I 'm like an old lady trying to use an iphone for the first time , I swear . I 'm not as technologically savvy as I seem . Trying to use google maps on my phone is like trying to navigate the mars rover for me . My friends can testify . Anyway , It said over 400 people looked at this blog just yesterday , which kind of freaks me out but it encourages me that people Hugs and kisses from the sea , xo Started this back in 2008 and abandoned quickly for other options . Time has gone by and we 're back ! After many adventures across the Caribbean and Pacific aboard Ohana we are back on it aboard Ohana II . The idea was to find a simple inexpensive boat that Madison and Kelsey could sail . [ . . . ] Also to spend time exploring the East coast and Bahamas and basically getting back to the basics Becky and I enjoyed upon Scarlett . Hope you enjoy ! Also Check out captain - andthekid @ blogspot . com for Madison 's blog : - )
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Each morning I wake to find a bunch of questions posted on " Cruisers and Sailing Forums " . I love taking the time to read and respond where I can . A common question is what to " get rid of " before moving aboard . We 're all for minimization , a pair of socks comes on , a pair goes off . That being said when closing up a household we did not consider that we may one day move back , which we did . This little post is in respect to this topic : - ) _____ Most of the posts that I have seen here on CF since I 've joined last year all talk about moving aboard ( myself included ) . But what happens if you have to , want to , return to a land - based lifestyle ? I only remember seeing one recent post concerning life after cruising ( but I am sure there are more in older posts ) . _____ I like this perspective on considering this very question . We did move aboard and sailed / lived for a decade overseas . We sold the house and all the furniture in it along with most of my larger power tools ( that was a minor mistake ) . We did keep our real estate holdings and in one of the buildings I carved out a storage area for our more treasured belongings . We had traveled a lot before the " big trip " and had lots of little reminders with special meanings , lots of books ( classics and rare ) and lots of artwork etc . After 3 years we ended up in New Zealand where we obtained residency and put our girls in school . On a business trip back to Alaska I arranged to have all that " stuff " sent down . It was like Christmas opening up those boxes and although a bit on the expensive side , putting those items in our new home in NZ made it really feel like home . 7 years later we moved back to the States for a number of reasons which we do not regret at all . This time we hired a 20 ' container and sent what had been accumulated in NZ back after a BIG GARAGE SALE . Now our Alaskan home has a twenty years worth of history and it 's nice to look back over all those memories and tell stories through all those small little items . REGRET ? I should have stored all the big stuff we gave away . Tools first - table saw ( 2000 sold for probably 500 ) and lots of stuff like that . All the sports gear , bikes , kayaks , skis , winter wear , Jeep , etc . Perhaps even some of the furniture . The truth is most all new live aboard cruisers return to land at some point . That would be an interesting survey . The math is pretty straight forward , value of replacing items with storage costs for a given period of time . The sentimental value something different . Found this while muddling through an old laptop . Just a few weeks ago we were back at Rudder Cay . Madison is now 18 and we are short one hull ( Catamaran Pun , please forgive ) . The rhythm felt the same , right down to the dinner : - ) The pic above is from that night fourteen years ago and of the " plastic chairs " we found on the beach . Enjoy ! 5 : 30 Awake , check position and remember to turn off anchor light . Indicator light burned out so placed post - it with big A on it to remind me . Read " Prey " until … 6 : 10 Kelsey cries , wet diaper . Changed and made a break for my book . Had large glass of water , neglected to put coffee on . 6 : 20 Kelsey up , book over . Asking for mama but wants me . Played on settee and brought her down to help wake mama up . 6 : 30 Madison awake , wet her bed which I discovered earlier . She informs me of the same and apologizes . Hard to get mad at her . Making plan to clean sheets using washing contraption . 7 : 00 Clifford , big red dog playing since 6 : 35 while I tried to sneak in a little more book before Becky awoke . She 's up now and wondering where coffee is and why the dishes are not done . Put coffee on , should boil over within 5 minutes . 7 : 05 Boiled over . 7 : 06 to 8 : 00 Made breakfast for self and did dishes . Cleared deck from previous day and made dinghy ready to be lifted . While lifting took the time to spray out the sand . Checked both bilges and pumped port . 8 : 00 to 9 : 00 Talked about future plans and summer housing . Also plans for the day and where we would like to go . Declined offer to go spear fishing , anxious to get moving north . Decided to sail inside of islands , read up on route and made ready . Started engines to make hot water for Becky 's shower and charge batteries . Also turned on watermaker and checked its output . Had Beck bring up the anchor as a drill . She also took the time to raise the main but I finished the heavy lifting . 9 : 00 - 10 : 00 Beautiful sail from Rat Cay to Adderley . Shallow area , on high alert ! Crystal clear water and perfect wind ghosting along at 6 knots over 6 feet of water . Some minor nail biting . Looked hard for El McPherson 's house . 10 : 00 - 11 : 00 Out the cut and into deep water . Lots of current ! Jib down and messed around with the spinnaker for a while . Girls playing in fort on cockpit . Must be a million degrees out here ! Sweating through everything and a lot of running around . 12 : 00 - 1 : 00 Find our way into Rudder Cut and Darby . Trouble deciding which way to go . Saw some nudies heading to Rudder so decided on Darby . Shallow anchorage so dove on anchor , looked ok . Set anchor watch on GPS . Dove on speed transducer and freed it . Also measured depth of water precisely . 2 : 00 - 2 : 30 Kelsey napping , Maddie playing quietly , Beck in cockpit having a peaceful moment . Sneak into cabin and finish Prey ! Now I can think again ! 2 : 30 - 3 : 00 Empty dinghy and lower into water , think upper body workout . Called Little Darby for permission to hike up to castle . Got kids lubed up with sunscreen and gear . 3 : 00 - 5 : 00 Off to island to explore castle . Everything going well until we get out of the dinghy and are assaulted by three dogs ! Kids terrified , mom upset and we are out of there . Would have been nice if the caretaker had mentioned these ! Motored over to Rudder and the round house . Second highlight of the day , the first being the sail from Rat to Adderly . We landed on the beach and walked up to the house . Pretty much just as we had left it eight years ago . The limo was gone however . Back to the beach where two plastic chairs were left behind and amazingly in semi working condition ! We were able to sit and the girls played with a stick . Boy have things changed ! Hung out until the sun started to get low . Spent a fair amount of time with some lizards as well . 5 : 00 - 6 : 00 Family trampoline time and happy hour ! Noticed how low the tide was and decided to " walk " around the boat ! Took the time to scrub the exhaust stains of off the transoms . Sun dipped and I climbed back aboard to help with dinner . 6 : 00 - 7 : 00 Dinner , chicken and rice , and evening routine . LOTS of dishes . Tooth brushing and beginning of book reading . I read to Kelsey , about 8 books and she wanted to keep going . She was asleep by 7 : 30 and I dosed off with her . Continue journal around 8 : 30 8 : 30 - 10 : 30 Going through West Marine catalog making up large wish list . Going page by page . Spent and hour putting together screens for the boat . Well worth the effort . Purchased some screen before we left . That and a little duck tape do the trick . Took measurement for some more Lewmar screens . Wrote several eMails and sent . At least an hour spent on reading business stuff from Anchorage and responding . In bed by 10 : 30 I 'm a closet " motorer " and now that I think about it , a proud one . I have a feeling I am not alone . There is a certain glamour to the idea of sailing , there is a certain practicality to actually " getting there " . First let 's talk about sailing , the act of actually putting up sails and going . For many years I raced and this was all that was allowed . Perhaps that explains my canvas rebellion . Now before I get too far ahead of myself I must say good advice to any " newbie " is RACE . Being wet , cold , injured , verbally abused while inebriated will prepare you for much of what the ocean has in store . I personally was never entrusted with much aft of the foredeck so " cold and wet " pretty much encapsulate those formative years . Racing prepares one for the inevitable and constant failures that plague even modern rigs . There is a degree of physical fitness , a step or two up from golf , and a large amount of problem solving under pressure . Racing also has a large social component which forces one to pledge allegiance to all things canvas . The part that is kind of funny is anytime we had to actually GET the boat anywhere we MOTORED . So how much do we motor over sail ? I 'd say 80 / 20 ( ah Pareto 's Law ) . Yes folks this sailing blog should be a powerboat blog . Heresy you say . Now this was not the case in the Pacific and the tradewinds . One of the most wonderful qualities of that stretch of ocean is the consistent beam to broad reach . The dirty little secret , however , was that the problem was rarely too much wind , the challenge , more times than not , was too little . At these times rather than sit there clanging around in the swell we would " fire em up " . Ohana ( the catamaran ) had two 27hp yanmars and with one ticking away a few things would happen . First , the boat would start moving , from four knots to seven . This alone was a great motivator to captain and crew . The boat would " quiet down " except for the hum of the diesel of course , but that was oddly comforting . On a light air trip from Fiji to New Zealand we had one engine on ALL THE TIME . That 's seven days ! It was me and a friend and as I recall he said " it made him comfortable " to hear the purring of a well tuned diesel . I 'm all about making our crew comfortable . The second reason I 'm not shy about firing up an engine or two is safety . Generally I 'm sailing short handed and being at anchor is a lot safer than being on the ocean . A well maintained diesel can run for thousands of hours and the engines LIKE being used . The key words " well maintained " opens up a whole new entertainment center for the cruiser . Maintaining a diesel engine is fun in itself and rewarding , at least in my world of limited entertainment . This piece is basically a rationalization piece to those of us who like the hear the hum of a motor and are looking for an excuse to come out of the shadows and share our enthusiasm for the same . It is also a call to those who have the " dream " to consider not just looking up , but also looking down , into the darkness of their engine rooms and embrace that warm lovable hunk of iron . Let 's take a few brief minutes to discuss what the little darling needs and what the benefits are of making her your best friend . The ONE THING a diesel engine needs is CLEAN FUEL . That 's pretty much it . An intimate knowledge of your fuel system is a must and if you bought a used boat , particularly one that has seen little use , you already have a challenge . Your fuel is dirty , just make that assumption . What to do ? Filtration . Now I 'm not a fuel expert and I 'm not recommending any particular products . I have used Raycor filters on just about every boat I can recall and the cartridges are EASY to obtain WORLDWIDE , carry lots . Now the best setup is one that has two filters in parallel and allows you to switch to the second filter as the first becomes fouled . I don 't have this on the current Ohana nor on the previous ( cheap bastard ) . The key to know when your filter is on its way out is a vacuum gauge . Mount this invaluable gadget where it is easily seen and check it often . I watch ours regularly and for the first couple of 100 hours on Ohana 2 she would gum up fairly quickly . What was happening was we were essentially " polishing " the fuel . After two hundred hours or so this has become much less frequent . There is a filter on your engine as well and is often neglected . This filter does not need to be changed as often as the Raycor filter , which does most of the heavy lifting , but does need to be attended to on occasion . The second key is keeping the tools needed to change the filter right next to the filter . This includes in our case a plastic folgers coffee can and a one gallon jug of clean diesel to fill the new filter . I do the same thing for the alternator belt . All three wrenches to change the belt are in their own pocket in our tool bag . Changing that belt should be able to be accomplished in 3 minutes or less ( the replacement is hanging in the engine room ready to go ) . The dreaded " bleeding " of the engine . For some reason this little operation strikes more fear into the hearts of mariners than warranted . Air is the enemy to your diesel and if a bit gets in , usually during the filter changing process , she won 't want to run . If you change your filter , add fuel before reinstalling and generally do a tidy job , odds are she will fire right up , burp a few times and then purr like a kitten . If you don 't and you find you have to bleed , fret not . It 's an easy operation best done first at the dock on a nice calm day close to a NAPA store . If you are really hesitant to touch your engine hire a diesel mechanic the first time and " pay your tuition " . While he is there question him down about every little trick and do your best to keep him well hydrated and happy . Start with a water / soda combination , transition to beer as the job appears to be reaching its natural conclusion . Money well spent . After this it 's oil and oxygen . Change oil often , engine AND transmission . Again have all the tools at the ready , no searching involved for the oil , as far as the oxygen goes make sure your baby can get it . I have not had a proper air filter on any our last few motors so have not worried about much . Odds are you will leave your boat for periods of time unattended . Do yourself a favor and top up the diesel just before putting her to bed . This helps prevent condensation and depending on what climate you leave her in this could be considerable . Condensation equals water and water to diesel is like . . . . . . . any suggestions ? Let 's just say it ain 't good ! One final note regarding your power set up is that expensive bronze thing that sits at the end of the shaft , your prop . Successful long distance motoring is dramatically enhanced with the right one . This topic is so loaded and passions run so high that I will defer to your good sense to do your research and come to your own conclusions . For me I 've stuck with a fixed three bladed prop , the largest that makes sense and it appeals to my sense of simple . This in on our monohulls , the cat came with two adjustable pitch max props . When we first got her she was terribly over pitched with the engines not able to get over 2100 rpm . Again setting up props and deciding on the right pitch is way beyond the scope of this short story but is something you must understand and address . Once you get it right you will motor with confidence into wind and sea and be able to back up like a pro . Take the time . Back to motoring . . . . Enjoy it , for a few delightful years I had the opportunity to drive an Auckland New Zealand Harbor Ferry , the Osprey . Two BIG twin caterpillar diesel , great crew ( nod to Captains Kent , Gordon , Alan , John and Jackie ( stewardess who may actually read this if she finds it on FB ) , plenty of waterline , 24 knots at cruise . Three stories above the water , in the full beam pilot house , life couldn 't get better . We would dock thirty eight times a shift in all sorts of conditions and get to see the harbor in every mood and season . Did I mention three stories up and climate controlled ( sort of ) ? Flash forward to the fall of 2015 delivering a little forty footer ( Ohana 2 ) from Noank to Nassau . Out on Long Island Sound heading west into a brisk breeze , little Yanmar ticking away , foulies zipped up tight . As I listened to the engine hum " that " thought crossed my mind , as it crosses many seasoned sailors . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . memories of the ferry . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . and the idea that perhaps it 's time to look for a Trawler ; - ) P . S . Speaking of Motoring Madison and I will be doing the same around the Bahamas from about January 25th 2017 to February 20th 2017 . If you see us do stop on by ! ! ! Now I have met folks cruising on an ultra budget who were doing a great job of it . A couple we met in Tonga come to mind . They were young and on a 40 some odd foot non - descript monohull . At the beach party in Vavauu , anchorage 14 , they were roasting some fish on the fire for their dinner . We had a great talk about their travels and " living off the land " . My wife 's cousin and his partner are another example . At a Christmas party two decades ago he asked me , with great enthusiasm coupled with little sailing experience , what kind of boat he could get cheap and sail offshore with . I thought about it and said " Crealock Dreadnaught 32 " and left it at that . A few months later he called and said he bought one ( I about fell of my chair ! ) , they left from Juneau Alaska with a 50lb bag of rice and a spear gun ( I 'm exaggerating , but not too much ) and ended up in Japan where they sold the boat . They went on to buy a 40 ' steel hull at a scrap yard , lived in it at the scrap yard while they " built it " . A year or two later took off again for Mexico , Hawaii , Midway ( where they worked for a year to build up their funds ) and then back to Alaska . He even built the MAST from a pipe ! ! ! These kind of folks can and do cruise on a budget of 500 . 00 per month . Now for the rest of us . . . . . . . . When I see an online post saying " I want to buy a $ 20 , 000 . 00 ocean going boat and cruise on 800 . 00 per month and I need to learn how to sail " I kind of wince . The advice that comes out on the chat room is good and it can be done , see the above , but is it likely ? The two examples earlier were of folks who lived off the land well before going cruising and who were predisposed to doing lots with very little . Those of us who come from fairly comfortable land based occupations with partners and children who are accustomed to certain " comforts " this notion of spending next to nothing each month generally ends prematurely and poorly . One day I was walking back to Ohana at Palm Harbor Marina in West Palm and saw a man sitting on the dock literally in tears . I walked up to ask if all was ok and struck up " the conversation " about what happened . This is not the first conversation like this I have had , in fact , had the same one just last year in Cape May with a man on a nice Pacific Seacraft Crealock 34 ( I detect a theme ) . The conversation goes something like this : " I 've dreamed of cruising my whole life . I read everything , researched everything , bought the boat and had a great couple of years outfitting her and fixing her up . Finally we decided to go and headed down to Florida in anticipation of sailing to the Bahamas and points south . Somewhere around Charleston my wife quit . She said it 's too . . . . . . . . . fill in all the " too 's " , too hot , expensive , cold , boring , terrifying , lonely , far from the kids , claustrophobic . . . . . . you get the idea . So here I am with my dream and I have to sell it . " The Cape May guy was more to the point of finances . He had done all of the same and had a VERY specific monthly budget . His transmission gave up in Cape May ( see upcoming post on " motoring " to know why ) and he literally could not afford to replace and nor afford to keep her at a dock or haul her out and store her . He was selling and he was having a fire sale . For a brief moment , as he told his story , I considered offering to help and pay for a transmission but as he kept talking I changed my mind . It would only be subsidizing what he was already ill prepared for and would just end a little further down the ditch . The point , for most folks , it 's going to " cost " a lot more than you think . Nothing makes me happier than to see folks out there really ENJOYING the life and not constantly on the wrong side of the ledger . Speaking of which I better get to work so we can go off sailing next week ! Have a blessed day all ! Early on we shared a boat with a good friend and sailed about six months a year ( he sailed the other six ) . Read earlier post " back story " for the details . Here 's the story . One afternoon I found myself sitting on a remote beach , Scarlett anchored just offshore with a Nordhavn 60 ' anchored nearby . We were the only two . We had brought the dinghy in for some afternoon exploring and a swim . Soon after we arrived the Nordhavn launched their tender ( we had a dinghy , they had a tender ) and they headed to our beach . I 've forgotten the man 's name but this scene played out many times over the years . We 'd say hello and each couple would begin to tell their story . He would be late 50 's to early 60 's . Second marriage and they were " living the dream " . Where from , where going , etc . After a few minutes the ladies would walk off to chat and we would sit down in the shade and talk a bit more . The next question would be " what do you do ? " I 'm sure you 've been there and you have your story . I 'd share ours . Given our tender ages there was some genuine interest in how we managed to get there and be able to spend several months " living the dream " . We would then proceed to share stories of business and finances and experiences . At some point in the conversation I would ask my question , what 's your best advice ? Being 30 years old on a beach with a man who has led his life is such an opportunity . On more than one occasion the advice would be similar to the advice the man from the 60 ' Nordhavn gave . Paul , see that boat there and my beautiful wife ? Yes . I would trade it all to have my family . You see Paul I worked 24 / 7 for twenty years to build my business . We were wildly successful . I provided every material want my family needed , all except one . . . . . . . . me . Time went by , divorce , estrangement from my children and now grandchildren . Paul , if you can , and it seems you might be able to , take the years your children are growing up and spend it with them . That was the advice and this happened on more than one occasion . Those days of childless wandering did come to a close . Scarlett was sold and we settled into life in Anchorage Alaska . We continued to grow our business , built a house , had our first daughter in 1998 . Our second arrived in 2001 . Those words stuck with me . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . One day I came home from another 14 hour day to find my lovely wife sitting in our " playroom " staring at the world map ( that map sits behind me right now 15 years later ) . We had a conversation about " what we were doing and what we could do " . That advice , " take the years your children are growing up and spend it with them . " was ringing in my head . We then made the worst financial decision of our lives . Fifteen years later , thousands of ocean miles , residents of a new country , we still eat and travel and pay taxes . Are we as " wealthy " as we could have been ? Not by a long shot , but I 'm convinced if we stayed on the track we were on and failed to heed that wise advice , I would have ended up sitting on a beach giving advice to a young man to , if at all possible , " take those precious years that your family is growing up and spend it with them . " Blessings all . . . . . How often have you heard this ? Now I have always been a destination guy . Always " moving " towards some distant goal and the places in between were on " The Plan " . I never really thought much about this until this last month when I found myself with absolutely NO PLAN . Now Steve and Jim at Loggerhead Marina ( Highly recommend ) in Stuart did not like this as it really messes with the paperwork ! More on that shortly for those who dare to read this whole post . The rough plan this month was to come down to Florida for spring break with Madison our oldest . I was to fly down early and get the boat ready including all new mast and rigging with some golf thrown in . Madison would fly down solo for her first time and together we would spend 10 days " doing our thing " . Well the rigging and mast plan went great and when she arrived we sat down to come up with " The Plan " . We had nothing : - ) The decision was made to sail out and see what the conditions dictated and take it from there . This is new territory for dear Captain and honestly , was kind of refreshing . Rather than some epic goal we would just go . So on Wednesday morning we dropped lines , pumped the poop and let Steve and Jim know we were leaving for good , or not . We headed out Stuart inlet and turned ESE for West End Bahamas ( habit ) . About 20 miles out and well into the Gulf Stream Madison said " I 'd really like to have ice cream at Sloans " . See we purchased Ohana 1 ( the cat ) in West Palm Beach in 2002 ( Madison was 4 at the time ) and spent the better part of two years in and out of Palm Harbor Marina as we prepared her for the Caribbean and Pacific . West Palm holds many fond memories : Two Girls Pizza , Clematis Street , The " Fountain " where the kids could play and Sloans Ice Cream . But what about " The Plan " ? ? ? There was none ! We turned to the South West , a pod of dolphins joined us and off we went to get ice cream . Now I had visions of waking to a Bahamas sunrise in West End and working our way to Marsh Harbor , leaving the boat there . We ended up visiting the Four Arts and med ( See Photo Gallery for lots of Pics ) I walked past the mega yachts that surrounded little Ohana at the Viaduct Marina in Auckland . One in particular , I 've forgotten the name , stood out . I looked at the table set on the afterdeck , it was spectacular . Three crew members were in attendance , the guests soon to arrive . . . . . . . . . . . . . lighting perfect , settings perfect . . . . . . . . . . . . what were they going to discuss , I would never know . At first I thought about the " consumption . " Who needs all that , how did they " get " it , why does it matter ? To be honest I had a bit of envy along with a bit of curiosity . So much . . . . . . . . why ? I thought about it . I would have loved to have been a fly on that wall . Here 's what I came up with : The conversations that take place around a table are the fuel . The people that contribute are the engine . If we 're blessed we can enjoy many evenings with many people who make our lives richer and fuller for having sat there . The photo gallery on this blog home page entitled " Happy Hours " captures a few of these evenings we had the honor to enjoy aboard Ohana . I have a feeling that if a boat might be a measure of one 's material success , the quality of the conversations around those tables , such as the yacht I was looking at , might be a good measure of a one 's hospitality , curiosity and inquisitiveness . So that gets us back to our humble little table . It is easy for a man to look " up " to bigger and better . Our " table " wasn 't on a mega yacht but for us may as well have been . It has entertained a wide variety of characters from all over the world . Who would have thought a boy and girl from humble beginnings in New York and Alaska would sit with corporate giants , financiers , pastors , hippies , singers , actors , tech moguls , eccentrics , escapists . . . . . . . . . . . the list goes on . It all happened around our little table . Speaking of " happy hour " I 've had a few so will sign off early . Invite people . . . . . . . . . . . . . they make it oh so colorful . One last story . This fall I was sailing south and found myself in Sandy Hook ( Atlantic Highlands NJ ) . Earlier in the day the engine died and was an afternoon of back and forth to NAPA to sort things out . At first I hitched a ride with a local , his wife and brother in law . I realized soon after that NAPA was a short walk and made several trips back and forth as I diagnosed the problem . It 's part of the deal and those folks were great ! Well 6pm was rolling around and I was sitting in the cockpit looking around and a noticed a dinghy going boat to boat inviting people over for happy hour . I thought " I 'd like to have happy hour " but kept my hand down . Well Scott came by Ohana and invited me ! I hopped aboard and soon realized his other passenger was the fellow who drove me to NAPA ! We ended up aboard Tamure and enjoyed a great evening with every single hander in the harbor along with Scott and Kitty who it turns out are a bit of legends in the sailing world . Their boat was a living museum . Check out their site for Tamure by clicking on the link . Along with these two links Great Escape and Atlantic Circle We sat in the cockpit around their " table " and as the evening progressed moved down below . It was magic . They took the time to invite and that is an encouragement to me to do the same . At times I resist but I know that all that is good occurs around that place , the table . CruisersForum has a lot of questions regarding storm tactics with Catamarans . I have to confess I asked many of the same when we first bought Ohana and went as far as purchasing a monster parachute anchor which we carried all over the Caribbean and Pacific . We never deployed it . This is my stab at answering , at least , how we did it . The question is always " what were the worst conditions you were ever in . " That answer is a four hour period between Tonga and New Zealand in 2005 where we were averaging 16 knots in some pretty big seas . The video above is from a trip to Tonga in 2010 with the aforementioned Vito onboard . It looks rough but the boat could handle that and much more . That was pretty much it . Of the tens of thousands of miles I 've covered those four hours and 60 some odd miles were the most lively . The 2005 experience ? Well later on I 'll discuss my philosophy of sailing " with the storm " , suffice it to say we were doing just that and the wind was off our quarter where we wanted it and the seas were with us so to speak . . . . and they were big . Reef early ( that 's a tip ) , and we had , but even with a triple reef in the main and a handkerchief of jib out we were FLYING and it was loud . The sound a big cat makes going over 10 knots is like living in a waterfall . Going 15 - 16 is a whole other story . Down each wave she accelerates and it was those few moments at the bottom where I had pause . Bows please come up . . . . . . . . . and each time they would and I would say " elevator up ! " This went on for four hours or so as we ducked under the lower part of the system on our way south . That was the most tense I 've been while offshore . Believe it or not the girls played quietly on the deck in the main salon and Becky looked up every now and then and asked if we were ok , amazing . Disclaimer : The advise here is free and you get what you pay for . Take it for it is , know your boat well and be honest about your skill set . I would also equip much differently for sailing in high latitudes or off season . The other thing I 've learned is the boat can take a lot more than the crew . We were in conditions like the video for several days after leaving Opua , several large monohulls actually turned back . Ohana kept skipping along . One night Garth , who was along for his first offshore passage , wanted to go on deck and put one final reef in . My advise to him was " nothing good cPoint 3 - I 'm scratching my chin here . All that comes to mind is how important it is to know your personal limits and not put your crew or yourself in a situation you or the boat are not truly prepared to handle . That and DO NOT sail on a schedule if at all possible . This is about catamarans and if you 've read this far you probably own one so here is the final dirty little secret , they all slam ( some more than others ) , they all take 15 knots of wind to really get moving and none of them really go to weather nor should they . All the more reason to sail the fronts in my opinion and keep her moving , when the wind falls below 10 knots and the boat slows to 4 time to kick on an engine . Time to hit the sack internet friends ! Have a blessed day and many happy and safe miles . I am the most unlikely Hunter owner . Back in the " day " selling boats was the game and Hunter was a big no - no . I was a Hunter Snob with no real reason to be so , short of a little conversation at a boat show . I was actually looking at the Hunters and commenting on how nice they were for the money . At twenty some odd years old what did I know ? Let 's call him Crusty , the broker who had taken me under his wing , said " boat show boat " . That was all it took to turn me off to Hunters . Three words . What does " boat show boat " mean ? Basically a boat the wife likes at the boat show , huge interiors , ticks all the boxes , priced well and falls apart after a few years in the Florida sun . Soon after , as a young yacht broker , I actually sold a Hunter and it looked just like Crusty described , weather beaten and tired . Tied up behind a house in Port Orange Florida we limped it up to Seven Seas Marina in Daytona for haul out and inspection . All I believed about Hunters seemed to be true . That was the last I thought of Hunters until I met Vito but , before we introduce this character , one has to ask why was I looking for a boat like a Hunter in the first place . I wasn 't . This past Alaska winter our oldest daughter looked at me and said " Dad , what good is all this experience if you don 't share it ? " followed with , " can we get a boat and just you and I spend the summer sailing together . " Annie get your gun ! I was off to the races . This coincided with an article in Cruising Outpost issue # 8 entitled " The Whole Nine Yards " the story of two girls , a dog , a cat and a 27 ' boat ( support Bob Bitchin and buy the mag , it 's worth the eight bucks ) . That question and article set the Berger wheels in motion . Let 's find a small " beater boat " , not too fancy and easily handled by one or two . Something the girls could grow into and make it their own should they have the desire . The usual suspects came to mind , Catalina 30 , J 30 , C & C 30 or up a little to the 35 ' range . After a good talk with long suffering wife ( who , bless her heart , generally supports a good ole adventure after the idea has a little time to marinate ) gave her approval and I began the search . Now there is a whole other post on buying boats and I wrote it a few days ago and it was summarily VAPORIZED by sailblogs . Here is the cliff note version : Know that as you look " the one " will likely show up and don 't be afraid to buy it . That 's basically it . The " one " is easier to see after you 've been on a few and start to get a feel for what 's out there . In the case of this project the size quickly grew to 40 ' as we adjusted and thought about family vacations with all four of us and the prospect of having a relatively inexpensive floating condo . Fair enough and in our experience 40 ' still met the expectation of being easily handled by one or two . I flew into Annapolis late April and started the hunt . This took me from Deltaville Virginia as far north as Westport Connecticut . I looked at Beneteaus , Catalina , Jenneaus and two newer Hunters . Nothing was " clicking " although the Hunters were cool they had the new B & R rigs ( no backstay ) and one had the expected deck leaks that I had been warned of . Remember Vito ? Picture a Sicilian bull dog with a heart of gold . We met Vito , Madeline and their daughter Amanda in Bora Bora back in 2005 . At the time they were aboard Wanderer , a beautiful and capable Amel 53 . My father was onboard Ohana , he had grown up in the Bronx and worked in New York City for most of his career . As soon as he heard Vito 's deep Italian voice on the VHF he had to meet him . Kind of a cross between CarTalk and a Corleone . Just made you feel safe and nervous at the same time . Now Vito and I became quick friends and have remained so for over a decade . I TRUST him and value his opinion and on one topic in particular he was adamant and unwavering . . . . . . . . . . . . Hunter Legends . As soon as I mentioned this idea of a small beater boat for the east coast he said " Paully , you got ta look at da Hunter Legend ! " He had one for over a decade ( two actually if memory serves , a 37 ' and a 40 . 5 ) and just would not stop raving about the boat . I still had my 1987 snob hat on and kept politely deferring . Finally , I broke , as nothing was really feeling right on my search so far . I located a Hunter Legend 40 . 5 on the Eastern Shore of Maryland and invested the time to drive over onI met the broker and we trudged out against the north wind and as I walked up to Hunter Legend 40 . 5 for the first time the thing that struck me was that she was big . Just big compared to all the other 40 's I had been looking at . She had a 7 / 8th fractional rig which you J sailors know is a great set up for short handed sailing and powerful . The cockpit had a cutout transom ( wife request ) and there were hatches galore ! What 's going on here , it must leak like a sieve . We climbed aboard ( they have a high freeboard and are beamy which explains the interior volume ) and I mean climbed . Slid open the companionway hatch and I was just blown away by the cabin , oh my goodness , I was falling into the " boat show boat " trap ! This boat was twenty years old however and had not yet melted as Crusty had promised , good sign . A 50hp Yanmar diesel - yea , tons of cabinet space , plenty of light , a well laid out galley , two heads . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Vito was right , this boat was incredible . There must be a catch . With that many opening hatches let 's look for leaks , there were none . This particular boat was poorly maintained and run hard . The bones though looked great and it was time to find all the Hunter 40 . 5s on the East Coast and have a real look . That took an evening with Yachtworld along with one more drive up and down the coast looking at four examples of the boat . I had evidently seen the worst of the lot first and the other three I found were all in terrific condition . All were mid 90 's boats with light use and well maintained . The last of the bunch had an offer on it already and was a tri - cabin which I felt was superior with a family and left a cabin just for storing stuff . At first it was off the list given its pending sale put that sale fell through and I was able to finally get onboard . She was " the one " , you just know it . I have to thank Cherie Startner of Great Blue Yachts for just calling . I bugged her about the boat for a few days while the Annapolis Boat show was going on ( she was in the middle of it and having done So here we are Hunter owners . . . . . . . . . . who would have thought ? At this point we 've put about 3000 plus miles on her in a variety of conditions from Nantucket to Nassau . She has proved to be fast , seaworthy , comfortable at the dock and anchor as well as very easy to handle . That 's the story . I think at the end of the day whatever boat you find yourself in will work for almost anything . What they take is care , feeding and love . . . . . . . . . . . perhaps that 's the part you feel . . . . . . the love . I 've been thinking back over all of our passages over the years . There are several themes to each one , let 's call them the " life of a passage " . It starts ( the actual passage ) with dropping the lines . Everything before this moment is safe and predictable . See Madison 's blog entitled " Phase 2 " ( http : / / captain - andthekid . blogspot . com / 2015 / 05 / phase - 2 . html ) . I 'll copy the text below and save you the cut and paste . She talks about the provisioning , fixing , storing , preparing , reading , talking . . . . . . . . . . every fun thing we do before leaving on an extended passage . Dropping the lines though . . . . . . . taking off into the unknown . That 's another story . The worst time for me was leaving the Galapagos for the longest passage of our life , the 3000nm to the Marquesas . The first 48 hours were torture . All was fine on the boat , all were happy , just the feeling in the pit of my stomach . All the " what ifs " , they were real and turning around was not an option . That time passed and we developed a routine and those 18 days were some of the best memories of our cruising life . Those first 48 were part of it . Recently I found myself at Spicer 's Marina in Noank Connecticut about to take of on a solo delivery to Florida . Prior to leaving Becky said in no uncertain terms , " if you change your mind just don 't go , no biggie " . I had been in New England for a week or so at that point . Had made the Costco runs , visited Vito and Madeline from Wanderer , met all the neighbors on the dock and had begun to develop the marina friendships that sprout up quickly among our community . That Saturday was shaping up to be like many Saturdays on G pier at Spicers . The party boat was setting up across the dock and the beer was already flowing . The weekend " wash the boat " crowds were washing and the fisherman were cleaning fish . A BBQ was being set up on the dock and I was having a ball talking with everyone , asking questions , listening to stories , telling stories , the usual . The idea of leaving was just the furthest thing from my mind . . . . . . . . . . . . and the closest . For ( the picture for this post is from that day just after getting the autopilot working and heading over to Fisher 's Island ) A lot has happened over the course of 24 hours for us . Phase 2 is in motion and it hit hard today . What is phase 1 you ask ? Sit down mortals , grab some trail mix , let me explain . Phase 1 of sailing is getting on board , cleaning the boat , stocking the boat , provisioning , driving around boating supply stores in a rental car , learning how the toilets work , fixing the engine , buying silverware and kitcheny stuff , febreezing the heck out of everything , the list goes on . Believe it or not learning how toilets work on a boat is a very hard concept for most people to wrap their heads around . When I was a little girl and someone new would come onboard , before anything at all I would give them a tour of the boat and teach them how the toilets worked . That stuff is witchcraft man . Phase 1 of sailing is super important because if your boat isn 't organised and clean and everyone on board isn 't prepared , certified and educated on why turning off lights is so important , you probably aren 't ready for phase 2 . We 've spent a good week in phase 1 . The time we 've spent running through the isles of West Marine , Home Depot and Fawcett 's boat store , is crazy . You 'd think we were part time owners by now . Phase 2 is where stuff gets real . You leave the marina and get a mooring . The boat starts rocking . You 're seasick . You walk around in your underwear . This is when you know there 's no turning back . Today I knew it was phase 2 because when I woke up my dad was gone , and my little boatie kid instincts said to make breakfast . Not to do any phase 1 stuff , just jump right into boat life and start the day because I know we had some sailing ahead of us . I made my dad spam and eggs and I made a bowl of pineapple for myself . When I was a kid spam was like a gift from God . Kel and I would smell spam in the morning and we knew it was someones birthday or Jesus had come back or something . My sister and I held spam on the highest pedestal in terms of breakfast foods . I realised today my childhood was a lie and spam is just dog food strategically placAfter cabin inspection and the kitchen and boat was all clean , my dad 's friend and the boatyard manager , Ted came over to help fix our engine . He talked to us for a long , long time about life and politics and the history of the city . He 's lived here for most of his life and he told us when he was a kid black people would live underneath the tiniest abandoned boats that were just left there on the side of the creek . They would crab all day , cook fish at night , and just raise their kids and live their lives . He said they were the nicest people and would always talk to him and his friends when they walked the creek like Huckleberry Finn or something . Keep in mind , this was a totally different time in history . The black people would flip the boats over so they could use them as shelter and a place to sleep . Eventually , in the immancipation proclamation , Abe Lincoln gave that land away to the black people . The white people didn 't want it because of the bugs . What a bunch of wimpies . Ted was a cool guy to listen to . The people you meet sailing are really the folks you 'll remember your entire life . I have friends my age and I have some amazing people in my day to day life but the characters I really remember are the weirdos you run into on the water . I don 't see them all the time , and I may never see them again in my life but I 'll never forget the people I met as a kid cruising . We still have life long friends from Norway , England , all over America , and every corner of the planet . Not a lot are my age and I can 't relate to any of them that well but learning about other people 's lives and stories is really a gift and if you have the chance to talk to people , especially travelling I highly recommend it . My dad and I drove to do a couple more errands to finish off the tedious and draining phase 1 . We dropped off the rental car and got a taxi back to the boat yard . I can 't stand taxis , it 's like paying someone to kidnap you and your family . They might as well just carry candy with them , give you the whole experience . We got back to the boatyard and took off . We just sailed to downtown Annapolis and there were tons of boats out . It 's a total sailing town , every single person that lives there owns a boat or at least works or crews on one . I didn 't get behind the wheel , I just took care of lines and tying the boat on and off . When we finally approached the mooring my dad left getting the boat on the mooring up to me which wasn 't too scary until we got up close to it . The notion that I 'd never done this before kicked in and I was really nervous I was going to fall overboard or ya know , miss the mooring . I got the line on the boat on the first try though . It was pretty neat . If I accomplished anything this Summer , it was that . I took a stellar nap . My dad tried like crazy to inflate the dingy but nothing was working . Our pump looked like something you would get at party and craft and it was killing him trying to blow this . . thing up . I woke up when it started getting dark outside and there was another guy in the cockpit with my dad . Turns out the boat next to us was from Wasilla , Alaska . I know , the world is so little . Once again , you meet the nicest people sailing . He talked to us about his life , and how he went to Wasilla high and some stuff about politics . Everyone talks about politics with my dad and I . Anyway , this guy , Nick brought a better dingy pump and helped us blow up the dingy and get it in the water . He blogs too . Check out knoticalnic . wordpress . com . I knew knot puns weren 't lame . My dad and I caught the water taxi into town to have some dinner and catch some of the Saturday night action . The city of Annapolis is crazy at night . It 's filled with drunk , white people . Kind of like a family get together at my uncle Jason 's house . We walked the streets and got some sweet tea and dinner at the cutest little diner . I 'm a tea conniosseur and I 'm all about sweet tea but sweet tea in the South is on a whole different level . This was like 90 % sugar . It was diabetes in the cup . I could feel my mom in Alaska screaming . It 's about 12 : 30am here now . I 'm wide awake and I probably will be for a long while . I have a lot on my mind . The one thing about blogging that makes me feel annoying is that it 's mostly or all about my life and experiences . Which is okay , I understand the only people reading this are probably a little curious as to what a 17 year old girl on a boat gets up to on the daily . I cherish people that take time to tell me they read what I write and they find it interesting or funny . My favorite thing is when other people or my friends tell me about their day and what 's going on in their lives so if you do things doing your day , or don 't do things feel free to message me on any site you please and tell me about it . I 'm on a boat , I have a lot of free time to listen . And I love doing so . Even when my nana writes to tell me about her garden club , or my friends back home tell me about their drunk camping trips , I love it . I soak that stuff up . Tell me about your awkward first dance , tell me about what you want to do in the future , tell me about how you picked up 5 cats on the side of the road and your mom said you can 't keep them but they lived in your closet for a week because you couldn 't part with them . Because that 's someone 's life and it 's cool to be apart of that . People are such complex beings , and the day to day stuff that makes up their entire exitence is super cool to hear about . The connections you make , you could have for your entire life . All I do on this blog is tell you about the little bits and peices that I do everyday on the boat , and people seem to read it . I looked at the stats yesterday which is wild considering I can barely work the oven by myself . I 'm like an old lady trying to use an iphone for the first time , I swear . I 'm not as technologically savvy as I seem . Trying to use google maps on my phone is like trying to navigate the mars rover for me . My friends can testify . Anyway , It said over 400 people looked at this blog just yesterday , which kind of freaks me out but it encourages me that people Hugs and kisses from the sea , xo Started this back in 2008 and abandoned quickly for other options . Time has gone by and we 're back ! After many adventures across the Caribbean and Pacific aboard Ohana we are back on it aboard Ohana II . The idea was to find a simple inexpensive boat that Madison and Kelsey could sail . [ . . . ] Also to spend time exploring the East coast and Bahamas and basically getting back to the basics Becky and I enjoyed upon Scarlett . Hope you enjoy ! Also Check out captain - andthekid @ blogspot . com for Madison 's blog : - )
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Each morning I wake to find a bunch of questions posted on " Cruisers and Sailing Forums " . I love taking the time to read and respond where I can . A common question is what to " get rid of " before moving aboard . We 're all for minimization , a pair of socks comes on , a pair goes off . That being said when closing up a household we did not consider that we may one day move back , which we did . This little post is in respect to this topic : - ) _____ Most of the posts that I have seen here on CF since I 've joined last year all talk about moving aboard ( myself included ) . But what happens if you have to , want to , return to a land - based lifestyle ? I only remember seeing one recent post concerning life after cruising ( but I am sure there are more in older posts ) . _____ I like this perspective on considering this very question . We did move aboard and sailed / lived for a decade overseas . We sold the house and all the furniture in it along with most of my larger power tools ( that was a minor mistake ) . We did keep our real estate holdings and in one of the buildings I carved out a storage area for our more treasured belongings . We had traveled a lot before the " big trip " and had lots of little reminders with special meanings , lots of books ( classics and rare ) and lots of artwork etc . After 3 years we ended up in New Zealand where we obtained residency and put our girls in school . On a business trip back to Alaska I arranged to have all that " stuff " sent down . It was like Christmas opening up those boxes and although a bit on the expensive side , putting those items in our new home in NZ made it really feel like home . 7 years later we moved back to the States for a number of reasons which we do not regret at all . This time we hired a 20 ' container and sent what had been accumulated in NZ back after a BIG GARAGE SALE . Now our Alaskan home has a twenty years worth of history and it 's nice to look back over all those memories and tell stories through all those small little items . REGRET ? I should have stored all the big stuff we gave away . Tools first - table saw ( 2000 sold for probably 500 ) and lots of stuff like that . All the sports gear , bikes , kayaks , skis , winter wear , Jeep , etc . Perhaps even some of the furniture . The truth is most all new live aboard cruisers return to land at some point . That would be an interesting survey . The math is pretty straight forward , value of replacing items with storage costs for a given period of time . The sentimental value something different . Found this while muddling through an old laptop . Just a few weeks ago we were back at Rudder Cay . Madison is now 18 and we are short one hull ( Catamaran Pun , please forgive ) . The rhythm felt the same , right down to the dinner : - ) The pic above is from that night fourteen years ago and of the " plastic chairs " we found on the beach . Enjoy ! 5 : 30 Awake , check position and remember to turn off anchor light . Indicator light burned out so placed post - it with big A on it to remind me . Read " Prey " until … 6 : 10 Kelsey cries , wet diaper . Changed and made a break for my book . Had large glass of water , neglected to put coffee on . 6 : 20 Kelsey up , book over . Asking for mama but wants me . Played on settee and brought her down to help wake mama up . 6 : 30 Madison awake , wet her bed which I discovered earlier . She informs me of the same and apologizes . Hard to get mad at her . Making plan to clean sheets using washing contraption . 7 : 00 Clifford , big red dog playing since 6 : 35 while I tried to sneak in a little more book before Becky awoke . She 's up now and wondering where coffee is and why the dishes are not done . Put coffee on , should boil over within 5 minutes . 7 : 05 Boiled over . 7 : 06 to 8 : 00 Made breakfast for self and did dishes . Cleared deck from previous day and made dinghy ready to be lifted . While lifting took the time to spray out the sand . Checked both bilges and pumped port . 8 : 00 to 9 : 00 Talked about future plans and summer housing . Also plans for the day and where we would like to go . Declined offer to go spear fishing , anxious to get moving north . Decided to sail inside of islands , read up on route and made ready . Started engines to make hot water for Becky 's shower and charge batteries . Also turned on watermaker and checked its output . Had Beck bring up the anchor as a drill . She also took the time to raise the main but I finished the heavy lifting . 9 : 00 - 10 : 00 Beautiful sail from Rat Cay to Adderley . Shallow area , on high alert ! Crystal clear water and perfect wind ghosting along at 6 knots over 6 feet of water . Some minor nail biting . Looked hard for El McPherson 's house . 10 : 00 - 11 : 00 Out the cut and into deep water . Lots of current ! Jib down and messed around with the spinnaker for a while . Girls playing in fort on cockpit . Must be a million degrees out here ! Sweating through everything and a lot of running around . 12 : 00 - 1 : 00 Find our way into Rudder Cut and Darby . Trouble deciding which way to go . Saw some nudies heading to Rudder so decided on Darby . Shallow anchorage so dove on anchor , looked ok . Set anchor watch on GPS . Dove on speed transducer and freed it . Also measured depth of water precisely . 2 : 00 - 2 : 30 Kelsey napping , Maddie playing quietly , Beck in cockpit having a peaceful moment . Sneak into cabin and finish Prey ! Now I can think again ! 2 : 30 - 3 : 00 Empty dinghy and lower into water , think upper body workout . Called Little Darby for permission to hike up to castle . Got kids lubed up with sunscreen and gear . 3 : 00 - 5 : 00 Off to island to explore castle . Everything going well until we get out of the dinghy and are assaulted by three dogs ! Kids terrified , mom upset and we are out of there . Would have been nice if the caretaker had mentioned these ! Motored over to Rudder and the round house . Second highlight of the day , the first being the sail from Rat to Adderly . We landed on the beach and walked up to the house . Pretty much just as we had left it eight years ago . The limo was gone however . Back to the beach where two plastic chairs were left behind and amazingly in semi working condition ! We were able to sit and the girls played with a stick . Boy have things changed ! Hung out until the sun started to get low . Spent a fair amount of time with some lizards as well . 5 : 00 - 6 : 00 Family trampoline time and happy hour ! Noticed how low the tide was and decided to " walk " around the boat ! Took the time to scrub the exhaust stains of off the transoms . Sun dipped and I climbed back aboard to help with dinner . 6 : 00 - 7 : 00 Dinner , chicken and rice , and evening routine . LOTS of dishes . Tooth brushing and beginning of book reading . I read to Kelsey , about 8 books and she wanted to keep going . She was asleep by 7 : 30 and I dosed off with her . Continue journal around 8 : 30 8 : 30 - 10 : 30 Going through West Marine catalog making up large wish list . Going page by page . Spent and hour putting together screens for the boat . Well worth the effort . Purchased some screen before we left . That and a little duck tape do the trick . Took measurement for some more Lewmar screens . Wrote several eMails and sent . At least an hour spent on reading business stuff from Anchorage and responding . In bed by 10 : 30 I 'm a closet " motorer " and now that I think about it , a proud one . I have a feeling I am not alone . There is a certain glamour to the idea of sailing , there is a certain practicality to actually " getting there " . First let 's talk about sailing , the act of actually putting up sails and going . For many years I raced and this was all that was allowed . Perhaps that explains my canvas rebellion . Now before I get too far ahead of myself I must say good advice to any " newbie " is RACE . Being wet , cold , injured , verbally abused while inebriated will prepare you for much of what the ocean has in store . I personally was never entrusted with much aft of the foredeck so " cold and wet " pretty much encapsulate those formative years . Racing prepares one for the inevitable and constant failures that plague even modern rigs . There is a degree of physical fitness , a step or two up from golf , and a large amount of problem solving under pressure . Racing also has a large social component which forces one to pledge allegiance to all things canvas . The part that is kind of funny is anytime we had to actually GET the boat anywhere we MOTORED . So how much do we motor over sail ? I 'd say 80 / 20 ( ah Pareto 's Law ) . Yes folks this sailing blog should be a powerboat blog . Heresy you say . Now this was not the case in the Pacific and the tradewinds . One of the most wonderful qualities of that stretch of ocean is the consistent beam to broad reach . The dirty little secret , however , was that the problem was rarely too much wind , the challenge , more times than not , was too little . At these times rather than sit there clanging around in the swell we would " fire em up " . Ohana ( the catamaran ) had two 27hp yanmars and with one ticking away a few things would happen . First , the boat would start moving , from four knots to seven . This alone was a great motivator to captain and crew . The boat would " quiet down " except for the hum of the diesel of course , but that was oddly comforting . On a light air trip from Fiji to New Zealand we had one engine on ALL THE TIME . That 's seven days ! It was me and a friend and as I recall he said " it made him comfortable " to hear the purring of a well tuned diesel . I 'm all about making our crew comfortable . The second reason I 'm not shy about firing up an engine or two is safety . Generally I 'm sailing short handed and being at anchor is a lot safer than being on the ocean . A well maintained diesel can run for thousands of hours and the engines LIKE being used . The key words " well maintained " opens up a whole new entertainment center for the cruiser . Maintaining a diesel engine is fun in itself and rewarding , at least in my world of limited entertainment . This piece is basically a rationalization piece to those of us who like the hear the hum of a motor and are looking for an excuse to come out of the shadows and share our enthusiasm for the same . It is also a call to those who have the " dream " to consider not just looking up , but also looking down , into the darkness of their engine rooms and embrace that warm lovable hunk of iron . Let 's take a few brief minutes to discuss what the little darling needs and what the benefits are of making her your best friend . The ONE THING a diesel engine needs is CLEAN FUEL . That 's pretty much it . An intimate knowledge of your fuel system is a must and if you bought a used boat , particularly one that has seen little use , you already have a challenge . Your fuel is dirty , just make that assumption . What to do ? Filtration . Now I 'm not a fuel expert and I 'm not recommending any particular products . I have used Raycor filters on just about every boat I can recall and the cartridges are EASY to obtain WORLDWIDE , carry lots . Now the best setup is one that has two filters in parallel and allows you to switch to the second filter as the first becomes fouled . I don 't have this on the current Ohana nor on the previous ( cheap bastard ) . The key to know when your filter is on its way out is a vacuum gauge . Mount this invaluable gadget where it is easily seen and check it often . I watch ours regularly and for the first couple of 100 hours on Ohana 2 she would gum up fairly quickly . What was happening was we were essentially " polishing " the fuel . After two hundred hours or so this has become much less frequent . There is a filter on your engine as well and is often neglected . This filter does not need to be changed as often as the Raycor filter , which does most of the heavy lifting , but does need to be attended to on occasion . The second key is keeping the tools needed to change the filter right next to the filter . This includes in our case a plastic folgers coffee can and a one gallon jug of clean diesel to fill the new filter . I do the same thing for the alternator belt . All three wrenches to change the belt are in their own pocket in our tool bag . Changing that belt should be able to be accomplished in 3 minutes or less ( the replacement is hanging in the engine room ready to go ) . The dreaded " bleeding " of the engine . For some reason this little operation strikes more fear into the hearts of mariners than warranted . Air is the enemy to your diesel and if a bit gets in , usually during the filter changing process , she won 't want to run . If you change your filter , add fuel before reinstalling and generally do a tidy job , odds are she will fire right up , burp a few times and then purr like a kitten . If you don 't and you find you have to bleed , fret not . It 's an easy operation best done first at the dock on a nice calm day close to a NAPA store . If you are really hesitant to touch your engine hire a diesel mechanic the first time and " pay your tuition " . While he is there question him down about every little trick and do your best to keep him well hydrated and happy . Start with a water / soda combination , transition to beer as the job appears to be reaching its natural conclusion . Money well spent . After this it 's oil and oxygen . Change oil often , engine AND transmission . Again have all the tools at the ready , no searching involved for the oil , as far as the oxygen goes make sure your baby can get it . I have not had a proper air filter on any our last few motors so have not worried about much . Odds are you will leave your boat for periods of time unattended . Do yourself a favor and top up the diesel just before putting her to bed . This helps prevent condensation and depending on what climate you leave her in this could be considerable . Condensation equals water and water to diesel is like . . . . . . . any suggestions ? Let 's just say it ain 't good ! One final note regarding your power set up is that expensive bronze thing that sits at the end of the shaft , your prop . Successful long distance motoring is dramatically enhanced with the right one . This topic is so loaded and passions run so high that I will defer to your good sense to do your research and come to your own conclusions . For me I 've stuck with a fixed three bladed prop , the largest that makes sense and it appeals to my sense of simple . This in on our monohulls , the cat came with two adjustable pitch max props . When we first got her she was terribly over pitched with the engines not able to get over 2100 rpm . Again setting up props and deciding on the right pitch is way beyond the scope of this short story but is something you must understand and address . Once you get it right you will motor with confidence into wind and sea and be able to back up like a pro . Take the time . Back to motoring . . . . Enjoy it , for a few delightful years I had the opportunity to drive an Auckland New Zealand Harbor Ferry , the Osprey . Two BIG twin caterpillar diesel , great crew ( nod to Captains Kent , Gordon , Alan , John and Jackie ( stewardess who may actually read this if she finds it on FB ) , plenty of waterline , 24 knots at cruise . Three stories above the water , in the full beam pilot house , life couldn 't get better . We would dock thirty eight times a shift in all sorts of conditions and get to see the harbor in every mood and season . Did I mention three stories up and climate controlled ( sort of ) ? Flash forward to the fall of 2015 delivering a little forty footer ( Ohana 2 ) from Noank to Nassau . Out on Long Island Sound heading west into a brisk breeze , little Yanmar ticking away , foulies zipped up tight . As I listened to the engine hum " that " thought crossed my mind , as it crosses many seasoned sailors . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . memories of the ferry . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . and the idea that perhaps it 's time to look for a Trawler ; - ) P . S . Speaking of Motoring Madison and I will be doing the same around the Bahamas from about January 25th 2017 to February 20th 2017 . If you see us do stop on by ! ! ! Now I have met folks cruising on an ultra budget who were doing a great job of it . A couple we met in Tonga come to mind . They were young and on a 40 some odd foot non - descript monohull . At the beach party in Vavauu , anchorage 14 , they were roasting some fish on the fire for their dinner . We had a great talk about their travels and " living off the land " . My wife 's cousin and his partner are another example . At a Christmas party two decades ago he asked me , with great enthusiasm coupled with little sailing experience , what kind of boat he could get cheap and sail offshore with . I thought about it and said " Crealock Dreadnaught 32 " and left it at that . A few months later he called and said he bought one ( I about fell of my chair ! ) , they left from Juneau Alaska with a 50lb bag of rice and a spear gun ( I 'm exaggerating , but not too much ) and ended up in Japan where they sold the boat . They went on to buy a 40 ' steel hull at a scrap yard , lived in it at the scrap yard while they " built it " . A year or two later took off again for Mexico , Hawaii , Midway ( where they worked for a year to build up their funds ) and then back to Alaska . He even built the MAST from a pipe ! ! ! These kind of folks can and do cruise on a budget of 500 . 00 per month . Now for the rest of us . . . . . . . . When I see an online post saying " I want to buy a $ 20 , 000 . 00 ocean going boat and cruise on 800 . 00 per month and I need to learn how to sail " I kind of wince . The advice that comes out on the chat room is good and it can be done , see the above , but is it likely ? The two examples earlier were of folks who lived off the land well before going cruising and who were predisposed to doing lots with very little . Those of us who come from fairly comfortable land based occupations with partners and children who are accustomed to certain " comforts " this notion of spending next to nothing each month generally ends prematurely and poorly . One day I was walking back to Ohana at Palm Harbor Marina in West Palm and saw a man sitting on the dock literally in tears . I walked up to ask if all was ok and struck up " the conversation " about what happened . This is not the first conversation like this I have had , in fact , had the same one just last year in Cape May with a man on a nice Pacific Seacraft Crealock 34 ( I detect a theme ) . The conversation goes something like this : " I 've dreamed of cruising my whole life . I read everything , researched everything , bought the boat and had a great couple of years outfitting her and fixing her up . Finally we decided to go and headed down to Florida in anticipation of sailing to the Bahamas and points south . Somewhere around Charleston my wife quit . She said it 's too . . . . . . . . . fill in all the " too 's " , too hot , expensive , cold , boring , terrifying , lonely , far from the kids , claustrophobic . . . . . . you get the idea . So here I am with my dream and I have to sell it . " The Cape May guy was more to the point of finances . He had done all of the same and had a VERY specific monthly budget . His transmission gave up in Cape May ( see upcoming post on " motoring " to know why ) and he literally could not afford to replace and nor afford to keep her at a dock or haul her out and store her . He was selling and he was having a fire sale . For a brief moment , as he told his story , I considered offering to help and pay for a transmission but as he kept talking I changed my mind . It would only be subsidizing what he was already ill prepared for and would just end a little further down the ditch . The point , for most folks , it 's going to " cost " a lot more than you think . Nothing makes me happier than to see folks out there really ENJOYING the life and not constantly on the wrong side of the ledger . Speaking of which I better get to work so we can go off sailing next week ! Have a blessed day all ! Early on we shared a boat with a good friend and sailed about six months a year ( he sailed the other six ) . Read earlier post " back story " for the details . Here 's the story . One afternoon I found myself sitting on a remote beach , Scarlett anchored just offshore with a Nordhavn 60 ' anchored nearby . We were the only two . We had brought the dinghy in for some afternoon exploring and a swim . Soon after we arrived the Nordhavn launched their tender ( we had a dinghy , they had a tender ) and they headed to our beach . I 've forgotten the man 's name but this scene played out many times over the years . We 'd say hello and each couple would begin to tell their story . He would be late 50 's to early 60 's . Second marriage and they were " living the dream " . Where from , where going , etc . After a few minutes the ladies would walk off to chat and we would sit down in the shade and talk a bit more . The next question would be " what do you do ? " I 'm sure you 've been there and you have your story . I 'd share ours . Given our tender ages there was some genuine interest in how we managed to get there and be able to spend several months " living the dream " . We would then proceed to share stories of business and finances and experiences . At some point in the conversation I would ask my question , what 's your best advice ? Being 30 years old on a beach with a man who has led his life is such an opportunity . On more than one occasion the advice would be similar to the advice the man from the 60 ' Nordhavn gave . Paul , see that boat there and my beautiful wife ? Yes . I would trade it all to have my family . You see Paul I worked 24 / 7 for twenty years to build my business . We were wildly successful . I provided every material want my family needed , all except one . . . . . . . . me . Time went by , divorce , estrangement from my children and now grandchildren . Paul , if you can , and it seems you might be able to , take the years your children are growing up and spend it with them . That was the advice and this happened on more than one occasion . Those days of childless wandering did come to a close . Scarlett was sold and we settled into life in Anchorage Alaska . We continued to grow our business , built a house , had our first daughter in 1998 . Our second arrived in 2001 . Those words stuck with me . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . One day I came home from another 14 hour day to find my lovely wife sitting in our " playroom " staring at the world map ( that map sits behind me right now 15 years later ) . We had a conversation about " what we were doing and what we could do " . That advice , " take the years your children are growing up and spend it with them . " was ringing in my head . We then made the worst financial decision of our lives . Fifteen years later , thousands of ocean miles , residents of a new country , we still eat and travel and pay taxes . Are we as " wealthy " as we could have been ? Not by a long shot , but I 'm convinced if we stayed on the track we were on and failed to heed that wise advice , I would have ended up sitting on a beach giving advice to a young man to , if at all possible , " take those precious years that your family is growing up and spend it with them . " Blessings all . . . . . How often have you heard this ? Now I have always been a destination guy . Always " moving " towards some distant goal and the places in between were on " The Plan " . I never really thought much about this until this last month when I found myself with absolutely NO PLAN . Now Steve and Jim at Loggerhead Marina ( Highly recommend ) in Stuart did not like this as it really messes with the paperwork ! More on that shortly for those who dare to read this whole post . The rough plan this month was to come down to Florida for spring break with Madison our oldest . I was to fly down early and get the boat ready including all new mast and rigging with some golf thrown in . Madison would fly down solo for her first time and together we would spend 10 days " doing our thing " . Well the rigging and mast plan went great and when she arrived we sat down to come up with " The Plan " . We had nothing : - ) The decision was made to sail out and see what the conditions dictated and take it from there . This is new territory for dear Captain and honestly , was kind of refreshing . Rather than some epic goal we would just go . So on Wednesday morning we dropped lines , pumped the poop and let Steve and Jim know we were leaving for good , or not . We headed out Stuart inlet and turned ESE for West End Bahamas ( habit ) . About 20 miles out and well into the Gulf Stream Madison said " I 'd really like to have ice cream at Sloans " . See we purchased Ohana 1 ( the cat ) in West Palm Beach in 2002 ( Madison was 4 at the time ) and spent the better part of two years in and out of Palm Harbor Marina as we prepared her for the Caribbean and Pacific . West Palm holds many fond memories : Two Girls Pizza , Clematis Street , The " Fountain " where the kids could play and Sloans Ice Cream . But what about " The Plan " ? ? ? There was none ! We turned to the South West , a pod of dolphins joined us and off we went to get ice cream . Now I had visions of waking to a Bahamas sunrise in West End and working our way to Marsh Harbor , leaving the boat there . We ended up visiting the Four Arts and med ( See Photo Gallery for lots of Pics ) I walked past the mega yachts that surrounded little Ohana at the Viaduct Marina in Auckland . One in particular , I 've forgotten the name , stood out . I looked at the table set on the afterdeck , it was spectacular . Three crew members were in attendance , the guests soon to arrive . . . . . . . . . . . . . lighting perfect , settings perfect . . . . . . . . . . . . what were they going to discuss , I would never know . At first I thought about the " consumption . " Who needs all that , how did they " get " it , why does it matter ? To be honest I had a bit of envy along with a bit of curiosity . So much . . . . . . . . why ? I thought about it . I would have loved to have been a fly on that wall . Here 's what I came up with : The conversations that take place around a table are the fuel . The people that contribute are the engine . If we 're blessed we can enjoy many evenings with many people who make our lives richer and fuller for having sat there . The photo gallery on this blog home page entitled " Happy Hours " captures a few of these evenings we had the honor to enjoy aboard Ohana . I have a feeling that if a boat might be a measure of one 's material success , the quality of the conversations around those tables , such as the yacht I was looking at , might be a good measure of a one 's hospitality , curiosity and inquisitiveness . So that gets us back to our humble little table . It is easy for a man to look " up " to bigger and better . Our " table " wasn 't on a mega yacht but for us may as well have been . It has entertained a wide variety of characters from all over the world . Who would have thought a boy and girl from humble beginnings in New York and Alaska would sit with corporate giants , financiers , pastors , hippies , singers , actors , tech moguls , eccentrics , escapists . . . . . . . . . . . the list goes on . It all happened around our little table . Speaking of " happy hour " I 've had a few so will sign off early . Invite people . . . . . . . . . . . . . they make it oh so colorful . One last story . This fall I was sailing south and found myself in Sandy Hook ( Atlantic Highlands NJ ) . Earlier in the day the engine died and was an afternoon of back and forth to NAPA to sort things out . At first I hitched a ride with a local , his wife and brother in law . I realized soon after that NAPA was a short walk and made several trips back and forth as I diagnosed the problem . It 's part of the deal and those folks were great ! Well 6pm was rolling around and I was sitting in the cockpit looking around and a noticed a dinghy going boat to boat inviting people over for happy hour . I thought " I 'd like to have happy hour " but kept my hand down . Well Scott came by Ohana and invited me ! I hopped aboard and soon realized his other passenger was the fellow who drove me to NAPA ! We ended up aboard Tamure and enjoyed a great evening with every single hander in the harbor along with Scott and Kitty who it turns out are a bit of legends in the sailing world . Their boat was a living museum . Check out their site for Tamure by clicking on the link . Along with these two links Great Escape and Atlantic Circle We sat in the cockpit around their " table " and as the evening progressed moved down below . It was magic . They took the time to invite and that is an encouragement to me to do the same . At times I resist but I know that all that is good occurs around that place , the table . CruisersForum has a lot of questions regarding storm tactics with Catamarans . I have to confess I asked many of the same when we first bought Ohana and went as far as purchasing a monster parachute anchor which we carried all over the Caribbean and Pacific . We never deployed it . This is my stab at answering , at least , how we did it . The question is always " what were the worst conditions you were ever in . " That answer is a four hour period between Tonga and New Zealand in 2005 where we were averaging 16 knots in some pretty big seas . The video above is from a trip to Tonga in 2010 with the aforementioned Vito onboard . It looks rough but the boat could handle that and much more . That was pretty much it . Of the tens of thousands of miles I 've covered those four hours and 60 some odd miles were the most lively . The 2005 experience ? Well later on I 'll discuss my philosophy of sailing " with the storm " , suffice it to say we were doing just that and the wind was off our quarter where we wanted it and the seas were with us so to speak . . . . and they were big . Reef early ( that 's a tip ) , and we had , but even with a triple reef in the main and a handkerchief of jib out we were FLYING and it was loud . The sound a big cat makes going over 10 knots is like living in a waterfall . Going 15 - 16 is a whole other story . Down each wave she accelerates and it was those few moments at the bottom where I had pause . Bows please come up . . . . . . . . . and each time they would and I would say " elevator up ! " This went on for four hours or so as we ducked under the lower part of the system on our way south . That was the most tense I 've been while offshore . Believe it or not the girls played quietly on the deck in the main salon and Becky looked up every now and then and asked if we were ok , amazing . Disclaimer : The advise here is free and you get what you pay for . Take it for it is , know your boat well and be honest about your skill set . I would also equip much differently for sailing in high latitudes or off season . The other thing I 've learned is the boat can take a lot more than the crew . We were in conditions like the video for several days after leaving Opua , several large monohulls actually turned back . Ohana kept skipping along . One night Garth , who was along for his first offshore passage , wanted to go on deck and put one final reef in . My advise to him was " nothing good cPoint 3 - I 'm scratching my chin here . All that comes to mind is how important it is to know your personal limits and not put your crew or yourself in a situation you or the boat are not truly prepared to handle . That and DO NOT sail on a schedule if at all possible . This is about catamarans and if you 've read this far you probably own one so here is the final dirty little secret , they all slam ( some more than others ) , they all take 15 knots of wind to really get moving and none of them really go to weather nor should they . All the more reason to sail the fronts in my opinion and keep her moving , when the wind falls below 10 knots and the boat slows to 4 time to kick on an engine . Time to hit the sack internet friends ! Have a blessed day and many happy and safe miles . I am the most unlikely Hunter owner . Back in the " day " selling boats was the game and Hunter was a big no - no . I was a Hunter Snob with no real reason to be so , short of a little conversation at a boat show . I was actually looking at the Hunters and commenting on how nice they were for the money . At twenty some odd years old what did I know ? Let 's call him Crusty , the broker who had taken me under his wing , said " boat show boat " . That was all it took to turn me off to Hunters . Three words . What does " boat show boat " mean ? Basically a boat the wife likes at the boat show , huge interiors , ticks all the boxes , priced well and falls apart after a few years in the Florida sun . Soon after , as a young yacht broker , I actually sold a Hunter and it looked just like Crusty described , weather beaten and tired . Tied up behind a house in Port Orange Florida we limped it up to Seven Seas Marina in Daytona for haul out and inspection . All I believed about Hunters seemed to be true . That was the last I thought of Hunters until I met Vito but , before we introduce this character , one has to ask why was I looking for a boat like a Hunter in the first place . I wasn 't . This past Alaska winter our oldest daughter looked at me and said " Dad , what good is all this experience if you don 't share it ? " followed with , " can we get a boat and just you and I spend the summer sailing together . " Annie get your gun ! I was off to the races . This coincided with an article in Cruising Outpost issue # 8 entitled " The Whole Nine Yards " the story of two girls , a dog , a cat and a 27 ' boat ( support Bob Bitchin and buy the mag , it 's worth the eight bucks ) . That question and article set the Berger wheels in motion . Let 's find a small " beater boat " , not too fancy and easily handled by one or two . Something the girls could grow into and make it their own should they have the desire . The usual suspects came to mind , Catalina 30 , J 30 , C & C 30 or up a little to the 35 ' range . After a good talk with long suffering wife ( who , bless her heart , generally supports a good ole adventure after the idea has a little time to marinate ) gave her approval and I began the search . Now there is a whole other post on buying boats and I wrote it a few days ago and it was summarily VAPORIZED by sailblogs . Here is the cliff note version : Know that as you look " the one " will likely show up and don 't be afraid to buy it . That 's basically it . The " one " is easier to see after you 've been on a few and start to get a feel for what 's out there . In the case of this project the size quickly grew to 40 ' as we adjusted and thought about family vacations with all four of us and the prospect of having a relatively inexpensive floating condo . Fair enough and in our experience 40 ' still met the expectation of being easily handled by one or two . I flew into Annapolis late April and started the hunt . This took me from Deltaville Virginia as far north as Westport Connecticut . I looked at Beneteaus , Catalina , Jenneaus and two newer Hunters . Nothing was " clicking " although the Hunters were cool they had the new B & R rigs ( no backstay ) and one had the expected deck leaks that I had been warned of . Remember Vito ? Picture a Sicilian bull dog with a heart of gold . We met Vito , Madeline and their daughter Amanda in Bora Bora back in 2005 . At the time they were aboard Wanderer , a beautiful and capable Amel 53 . My father was onboard Ohana , he had grown up in the Bronx and worked in New York City for most of his career . As soon as he heard Vito 's deep Italian voice on the VHF he had to meet him . Kind of a cross between CarTalk and a Corleone . Just made you feel safe and nervous at the same time . Now Vito and I became quick friends and have remained so for over a decade . I TRUST him and value his opinion and on one topic in particular he was adamant and unwavering . . . . . . . . . . . . Hunter Legends . As soon as I mentioned this idea of a small beater boat for the east coast he said " Paully , you got ta look at da Hunter Legend ! " He had one for over a decade ( two actually if memory serves , a 37 ' and a 40 . 5 ) and just would not stop raving about the boat . I still had my 1987 snob hat on and kept politely deferring . Finally , I broke , as nothing was really feeling right on my search so far . I located a Hunter Legend 40 . 5 on the Eastern Shore of Maryland and invested the time to drive over onI met the broker and we trudged out against the north wind and as I walked up to Hunter Legend 40 . 5 for the first time the thing that struck me was that she was big . Just big compared to all the other 40 's I had been looking at . She had a 7 / 8th fractional rig which you J sailors know is a great set up for short handed sailing and powerful . The cockpit had a cutout transom ( wife request ) and there were hatches galore ! What 's going on here , it must leak like a sieve . We climbed aboard ( they have a high freeboard and are beamy which explains the interior volume ) and I mean climbed . Slid open the companionway hatch and I was just blown away by the cabin , oh my goodness , I was falling into the " boat show boat " trap ! This boat was twenty years old however and had not yet melted as Crusty had promised , good sign . A 50hp Yanmar diesel - yea , tons of cabinet space , plenty of light , a well laid out galley , two heads . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Vito was right , this boat was incredible . There must be a catch . With that many opening hatches let 's look for leaks , there were none . This particular boat was poorly maintained and run hard . The bones though looked great and it was time to find all the Hunter 40 . 5s on the East Coast and have a real look . That took an evening with Yachtworld along with one more drive up and down the coast looking at four examples of the boat . I had evidently seen the worst of the lot first and the other three I found were all in terrific condition . All were mid 90 's boats with light use and well maintained . The last of the bunch had an offer on it already and was a tri - cabin which I felt was superior with a family and left a cabin just for storing stuff . At first it was off the list given its pending sale put that sale fell through and I was able to finally get onboard . She was " the one " , you just know it . I have to thank Cherie Startner of Great Blue Yachts for just calling . I bugged her about the boat for a few days while the Annapolis Boat show was going on ( she was in the middle of it and having done So here we are Hunter owners . . . . . . . . . . who would have thought ? At this point we 've put about 3000 plus miles on her in a variety of conditions from Nantucket to Nassau . She has proved to be fast , seaworthy , comfortable at the dock and anchor as well as very easy to handle . That 's the story . I think at the end of the day whatever boat you find yourself in will work for almost anything . What they take is care , feeding and love . . . . . . . . . . . perhaps that 's the part you feel . . . . . . the love . I 've been thinking back over all of our passages over the years . There are several themes to each one , let 's call them the " life of a passage " . It starts ( the actual passage ) with dropping the lines . Everything before this moment is safe and predictable . See Madison 's blog entitled " Phase 2 " ( http : / / captain - andthekid . blogspot . com / 2015 / 05 / phase - 2 . html ) . I 'll copy the text below and save you the cut and paste . She talks about the provisioning , fixing , storing , preparing , reading , talking . . . . . . . . . . every fun thing we do before leaving on an extended passage . Dropping the lines though . . . . . . . taking off into the unknown . That 's another story . The worst time for me was leaving the Galapagos for the longest passage of our life , the 3000nm to the Marquesas . The first 48 hours were torture . All was fine on the boat , all were happy , just the feeling in the pit of my stomach . All the " what ifs " , they were real and turning around was not an option . That time passed and we developed a routine and those 18 days were some of the best memories of our cruising life . Those first 48 were part of it . Recently I found myself at Spicer 's Marina in Noank Connecticut about to take of on a solo delivery to Florida . Prior to leaving Becky said in no uncertain terms , " if you change your mind just don 't go , no biggie " . I had been in New England for a week or so at that point . Had made the Costco runs , visited Vito and Madeline from Wanderer , met all the neighbors on the dock and had begun to develop the marina friendships that sprout up quickly among our community . That Saturday was shaping up to be like many Saturdays on G pier at Spicers . The party boat was setting up across the dock and the beer was already flowing . The weekend " wash the boat " crowds were washing and the fisherman were cleaning fish . A BBQ was being set up on the dock and I was having a ball talking with everyone , asking questions , listening to stories , telling stories , the usual . The idea of leaving was just the furthest thing from my mind . . . . . . . . . . . . and the closest . For ( the picture for this post is from that day just after getting the autopilot working and heading over to Fisher 's Island ) A lot has happened over the course of 24 hours for us . Phase 2 is in motion and it hit hard today . What is phase 1 you ask ? Sit down mortals , grab some trail mix , let me explain . Phase 1 of sailing is getting on board , cleaning the boat , stocking the boat , provisioning , driving around boating supply stores in a rental car , learning how the toilets work , fixing the engine , buying silverware and kitcheny stuff , febreezing the heck out of everything , the list goes on . Believe it or not learning how toilets work on a boat is a very hard concept for most people to wrap their heads around . When I was a little girl and someone new would come onboard , before anything at all I would give them a tour of the boat and teach them how the toilets worked . That stuff is witchcraft man . Phase 1 of sailing is super important because if your boat isn 't organised and clean and everyone on board isn 't prepared , certified and educated on why turning off lights is so important , you probably aren 't ready for phase 2 . We 've spent a good week in phase 1 . The time we 've spent running through the isles of West Marine , Home Depot and Fawcett 's boat store , is crazy . You 'd think we were part time owners by now . Phase 2 is where stuff gets real . You leave the marina and get a mooring . The boat starts rocking . You 're seasick . You walk around in your underwear . This is when you know there 's no turning back . Today I knew it was phase 2 because when I woke up my dad was gone , and my little boatie kid instincts said to make breakfast . Not to do any phase 1 stuff , just jump right into boat life and start the day because I know we had some sailing ahead of us . I made my dad spam and eggs and I made a bowl of pineapple for myself . When I was a kid spam was like a gift from God . Kel and I would smell spam in the morning and we knew it was someones birthday or Jesus had come back or something . My sister and I held spam on the highest pedestal in terms of breakfast foods . I realised today my childhood was a lie and spam is just dog food strategically placAfter cabin inspection and the kitchen and boat was all clean , my dad 's friend and the boatyard manager , Ted came over to help fix our engine . He talked to us for a long , long time about life and politics and the history of the city . He 's lived here for most of his life and he told us when he was a kid black people would live underneath the tiniest abandoned boats that were just left there on the side of the creek . They would crab all day , cook fish at night , and just raise their kids and live their lives . He said they were the nicest people and would always talk to him and his friends when they walked the creek like Huckleberry Finn or something . Keep in mind , this was a totally different time in history . The black people would flip the boats over so they could use them as shelter and a place to sleep . Eventually , in the immancipation proclamation , Abe Lincoln gave that land away to the black people . The white people didn 't want it because of the bugs . What a bunch of wimpies . Ted was a cool guy to listen to . The people you meet sailing are really the folks you 'll remember your entire life . I have friends my age and I have some amazing people in my day to day life but the characters I really remember are the weirdos you run into on the water . I don 't see them all the time , and I may never see them again in my life but I 'll never forget the people I met as a kid cruising . We still have life long friends from Norway , England , all over America , and every corner of the planet . Not a lot are my age and I can 't relate to any of them that well but learning about other people 's lives and stories is really a gift and if you have the chance to talk to people , especially travelling I highly recommend it . My dad and I drove to do a couple more errands to finish off the tedious and draining phase 1 . We dropped off the rental car and got a taxi back to the boat yard . I can 't stand taxis , it 's like paying someone to kidnap you and your family . They might as well just carry candy with them , give you the whole experience . We got back to the boatyard and took off . We just sailed to downtown Annapolis and there were tons of boats out . It 's a total sailing town , every single person that lives there owns a boat or at least works or crews on one . I didn 't get behind the wheel , I just took care of lines and tying the boat on and off . When we finally approached the mooring my dad left getting the boat on the mooring up to me which wasn 't too scary until we got up close to it . The notion that I 'd never done this before kicked in and I was really nervous I was going to fall overboard or ya know , miss the mooring . I got the line on the boat on the first try though . It was pretty neat . If I accomplished anything this Summer , it was that . I took a stellar nap . My dad tried like crazy to inflate the dingy but nothing was working . Our pump looked like something you would get at party and craft and it was killing him trying to blow this . . thing up . I woke up when it started getting dark outside and there was another guy in the cockpit with my dad . Turns out the boat next to us was from Wasilla , Alaska . I know , the world is so little . Once again , you meet the nicest people sailing . He talked to us about his life , and how he went to Wasilla high and some stuff about politics . Everyone talks about politics with my dad and I . Anyway , this guy , Nick brought a better dingy pump and helped us blow up the dingy and get it in the water . He blogs too . Check out knoticalnic . wordpress . com . I knew knot puns weren 't lame . My dad and I caught the water taxi into town to have some dinner and catch some of the Saturday night action . The city of Annapolis is crazy at night . It 's filled with drunk , white people . Kind of like a family get together at my uncle Jason 's house . We walked the streets and got some sweet tea and dinner at the cutest little diner . I 'm a tea conniosseur and I 'm all about sweet tea but sweet tea in the South is on a whole different level . This was like 90 % sugar . It was diabetes in the cup . I could feel my mom in Alaska screaming . It 's about 12 : 30am here now . I 'm wide awake and I probably will be for a long while . I have a lot on my mind . The one thing about blogging that makes me feel annoying is that it 's mostly or all about my life and experiences . Which is okay , I understand the only people reading this are probably a little curious as to what a 17 year old girl on a boat gets up to on the daily . I cherish people that take time to tell me they read what I write and they find it interesting or funny . My favorite thing is when other people or my friends tell me about their day and what 's going on in their lives so if you do things doing your day , or don 't do things feel free to message me on any site you please and tell me about it . I 'm on a boat , I have a lot of free time to listen . And I love doing so . Even when my nana writes to tell me about her garden club , or my friends back home tell me about their drunk camping trips , I love it . I soak that stuff up . Tell me about your awkward first dance , tell me about what you want to do in the future , tell me about how you picked up 5 cats on the side of the road and your mom said you can 't keep them but they lived in your closet for a week because you couldn 't part with them . Because that 's someone 's life and it 's cool to be apart of that . People are such complex beings , and the day to day stuff that makes up their entire exitence is super cool to hear about . The connections you make , you could have for your entire life . All I do on this blog is tell you about the little bits and peices that I do everyday on the boat , and people seem to read it . I looked at the stats yesterday which is wild considering I can barely work the oven by myself . I 'm like an old lady trying to use an iphone for the first time , I swear . I 'm not as technologically savvy as I seem . Trying to use google maps on my phone is like trying to navigate the mars rover for me . My friends can testify . Anyway , It said over 400 people looked at this blog just yesterday , which kind of freaks me out but it encourages me that people Hugs and kisses from the sea , xo Started this back in 2008 and abandoned quickly for other options . Time has gone by and we 're back ! After many adventures across the Caribbean and Pacific aboard Ohana we are back on it aboard Ohana II . The idea was to find a simple inexpensive boat that Madison and Kelsey could sail . [ . . . ] Also to spend time exploring the East coast and Bahamas and basically getting back to the basics Becky and I enjoyed upon Scarlett . Hope you enjoy ! Also Check out captain - andthekid @ blogspot . com for Madison 's blog : - )
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Each morning I wake to find a bunch of questions posted on " Cruisers and Sailing Forums " . I love taking the time to read and respond where I can . A common question is what to " get rid of " before moving aboard . We 're all for minimization , a pair of socks comes on , a pair goes off . That being said when closing up a household we did not consider that we may one day move back , which we did . This little post is in respect to this topic : - ) _____ Most of the posts that I have seen here on CF since I 've joined last year all talk about moving aboard ( myself included ) . But what happens if you have to , want to , return to a land - based lifestyle ? I only remember seeing one recent post concerning life after cruising ( but I am sure there are more in older posts ) . _____ I like this perspective on considering this very question . We did move aboard and sailed / lived for a decade overseas . We sold the house and all the furniture in it along with most of my larger power tools ( that was a minor mistake ) . We did keep our real estate holdings and in one of the buildings I carved out a storage area for our more treasured belongings . We had traveled a lot before the " big trip " and had lots of little reminders with special meanings , lots of books ( classics and rare ) and lots of artwork etc . After 3 years we ended up in New Zealand where we obtained residency and put our girls in school . On a business trip back to Alaska I arranged to have all that " stuff " sent down . It was like Christmas opening up those boxes and although a bit on the expensive side , putting those items in our new home in NZ made it really feel like home . 7 years later we moved back to the States for a number of reasons which we do not regret at all . This time we hired a 20 ' container and sent what had been accumulated in NZ back after a BIG GARAGE SALE . Now our Alaskan home has a twenty years worth of history and it 's nice to look back over all those memories and tell stories through all those small little items . REGRET ? I should have stored all the big stuff we gave away . Tools first - table saw ( 2000 sold for probably 500 ) and lots of stuff like that . All the sports gear , bikes , kayaks , skis , winter wear , Jeep , etc . Perhaps even some of the furniture . The truth is most all new live aboard cruisers return to land at some point . That would be an interesting survey . The math is pretty straight forward , value of replacing items with storage costs for a given period of time . The sentimental value something different . Found this while muddling through an old laptop . Just a few weeks ago we were back at Rudder Cay . Madison is now 18 and we are short one hull ( Catamaran Pun , please forgive ) . The rhythm felt the same , right down to the dinner : - ) The pic above is from that night fourteen years ago and of the " plastic chairs " we found on the beach . Enjoy ! 5 : 30 Awake , check position and remember to turn off anchor light . Indicator light burned out so placed post - it with big A on it to remind me . Read " Prey " until … 6 : 10 Kelsey cries , wet diaper . Changed and made a break for my book . Had large glass of water , neglected to put coffee on . 6 : 20 Kelsey up , book over . Asking for mama but wants me . Played on settee and brought her down to help wake mama up . 6 : 30 Madison awake , wet her bed which I discovered earlier . She informs me of the same and apologizes . Hard to get mad at her . Making plan to clean sheets using washing contraption . 7 : 00 Clifford , big red dog playing since 6 : 35 while I tried to sneak in a little more book before Becky awoke . She 's up now and wondering where coffee is and why the dishes are not done . Put coffee on , should boil over within 5 minutes . 7 : 05 Boiled over . 7 : 06 to 8 : 00 Made breakfast for self and did dishes . Cleared deck from previous day and made dinghy ready to be lifted . While lifting took the time to spray out the sand . Checked both bilges and pumped port . 8 : 00 to 9 : 00 Talked about future plans and summer housing . Also plans for the day and where we would like to go . Declined offer to go spear fishing , anxious to get moving north . Decided to sail inside of islands , read up on route and made ready . Started engines to make hot water for Becky 's shower and charge batteries . Also turned on watermaker and checked its output . Had Beck bring up the anchor as a drill . She also took the time to raise the main but I finished the heavy lifting . 9 : 00 - 10 : 00 Beautiful sail from Rat Cay to Adderley . Shallow area , on high alert ! Crystal clear water and perfect wind ghosting along at 6 knots over 6 feet of water . Some minor nail biting . Looked hard for El McPherson 's house . 10 : 00 - 11 : 00 Out the cut and into deep water . Lots of current ! Jib down and messed around with the spinnaker for a while . Girls playing in fort on cockpit . Must be a million degrees out here ! Sweating through everything and a lot of running around . 12 : 00 - 1 : 00 Find our way into Rudder Cut and Darby . Trouble deciding which way to go . Saw some nudies heading to Rudder so decided on Darby . Shallow anchorage so dove on anchor , looked ok . Set anchor watch on GPS . Dove on speed transducer and freed it . Also measured depth of water precisely . 2 : 00 - 2 : 30 Kelsey napping , Maddie playing quietly , Beck in cockpit having a peaceful moment . Sneak into cabin and finish Prey ! Now I can think again ! 2 : 30 - 3 : 00 Empty dinghy and lower into water , think upper body workout . Called Little Darby for permission to hike up to castle . Got kids lubed up with sunscreen and gear . 3 : 00 - 5 : 00 Off to island to explore castle . Everything going well until we get out of the dinghy and are assaulted by three dogs ! Kids terrified , mom upset and we are out of there . Would have been nice if the caretaker had mentioned these ! Motored over to Rudder and the round house . Second highlight of the day , the first being the sail from Rat to Adderly . We landed on the beach and walked up to the house . Pretty much just as we had left it eight years ago . The limo was gone however . Back to the beach where two plastic chairs were left behind and amazingly in semi working condition ! We were able to sit and the girls played with a stick . Boy have things changed ! Hung out until the sun started to get low . Spent a fair amount of time with some lizards as well . 5 : 00 - 6 : 00 Family trampoline time and happy hour ! Noticed how low the tide was and decided to " walk " around the boat ! Took the time to scrub the exhaust stains of off the transoms . Sun dipped and I climbed back aboard to help with dinner . 6 : 00 - 7 : 00 Dinner , chicken and rice , and evening routine . LOTS of dishes . Tooth brushing and beginning of book reading . I read to Kelsey , about 8 books and she wanted to keep going . She was asleep by 7 : 30 and I dosed off with her . Continue journal around 8 : 30 8 : 30 - 10 : 30 Going through West Marine catalog making up large wish list . Going page by page . Spent and hour putting together screens for the boat . Well worth the effort . Purchased some screen before we left . That and a little duck tape do the trick . Took measurement for some more Lewmar screens . Wrote several eMails and sent . At least an hour spent on reading business stuff from Anchorage and responding . In bed by 10 : 30 I 'm a closet " motorer " and now that I think about it , a proud one . I have a feeling I am not alone . There is a certain glamour to the idea of sailing , there is a certain practicality to actually " getting there " . First let 's talk about sailing , the act of actually putting up sails and going . For many years I raced and this was all that was allowed . Perhaps that explains my canvas rebellion . Now before I get too far ahead of myself I must say good advice to any " newbie " is RACE . Being wet , cold , injured , verbally abused while inebriated will prepare you for much of what the ocean has in store . I personally was never entrusted with much aft of the foredeck so " cold and wet " pretty much encapsulate those formative years . Racing prepares one for the inevitable and constant failures that plague even modern rigs . There is a degree of physical fitness , a step or two up from golf , and a large amount of problem solving under pressure . Racing also has a large social component which forces one to pledge allegiance to all things canvas . The part that is kind of funny is anytime we had to actually GET the boat anywhere we MOTORED . So how much do we motor over sail ? I 'd say 80 / 20 ( ah Pareto 's Law ) . Yes folks this sailing blog should be a powerboat blog . Heresy you say . Now this was not the case in the Pacific and the tradewinds . One of the most wonderful qualities of that stretch of ocean is the consistent beam to broad reach . The dirty little secret , however , was that the problem was rarely too much wind , the challenge , more times than not , was too little . At these times rather than sit there clanging around in the swell we would " fire em up " . Ohana ( the catamaran ) had two 27hp yanmars and with one ticking away a few things would happen . First , the boat would start moving , from four knots to seven . This alone was a great motivator to captain and crew . The boat would " quiet down " except for the hum of the diesel of course , but that was oddly comforting . On a light air trip from Fiji to New Zealand we had one engine on ALL THE TIME . That 's seven days ! It was me and a friend and as I recall he said " it made him comfortable " to hear the purring of a well tuned diesel . I 'm all about making our crew comfortable . The second reason I 'm not shy about firing up an engine or two is safety . Generally I 'm sailing short handed and being at anchor is a lot safer than being on the ocean . A well maintained diesel can run for thousands of hours and the engines LIKE being used . The key words " well maintained " opens up a whole new entertainment center for the cruiser . Maintaining a diesel engine is fun in itself and rewarding , at least in my world of limited entertainment . This piece is basically a rationalization piece to those of us who like the hear the hum of a motor and are looking for an excuse to come out of the shadows and share our enthusiasm for the same . It is also a call to those who have the " dream " to consider not just looking up , but also looking down , into the darkness of their engine rooms and embrace that warm lovable hunk of iron . Let 's take a few brief minutes to discuss what the little darling needs and what the benefits are of making her your best friend . The ONE THING a diesel engine needs is CLEAN FUEL . That 's pretty much it . An intimate knowledge of your fuel system is a must and if you bought a used boat , particularly one that has seen little use , you already have a challenge . Your fuel is dirty , just make that assumption . What to do ? Filtration . Now I 'm not a fuel expert and I 'm not recommending any particular products . I have used Raycor filters on just about every boat I can recall and the cartridges are EASY to obtain WORLDWIDE , carry lots . Now the best setup is one that has two filters in parallel and allows you to switch to the second filter as the first becomes fouled . I don 't have this on the current Ohana nor on the previous ( cheap bastard ) . The key to know when your filter is on its way out is a vacuum gauge . Mount this invaluable gadget where it is easily seen and check it often . I watch ours regularly and for the first couple of 100 hours on Ohana 2 she would gum up fairly quickly . What was happening was we were essentially " polishing " the fuel . After two hundred hours or so this has become much less frequent . There is a filter on your engine as well and is often neglected . This filter does not need to be changed as often as the Raycor filter , which does most of the heavy lifting , but does need to be attended to on occasion . The second key is keeping the tools needed to change the filter right next to the filter . This includes in our case a plastic folgers coffee can and a one gallon jug of clean diesel to fill the new filter . I do the same thing for the alternator belt . All three wrenches to change the belt are in their own pocket in our tool bag . Changing that belt should be able to be accomplished in 3 minutes or less ( the replacement is hanging in the engine room ready to go ) . The dreaded " bleeding " of the engine . For some reason this little operation strikes more fear into the hearts of mariners than warranted . Air is the enemy to your diesel and if a bit gets in , usually during the filter changing process , she won 't want to run . If you change your filter , add fuel before reinstalling and generally do a tidy job , odds are she will fire right up , burp a few times and then purr like a kitten . If you don 't and you find you have to bleed , fret not . It 's an easy operation best done first at the dock on a nice calm day close to a NAPA store . If you are really hesitant to touch your engine hire a diesel mechanic the first time and " pay your tuition " . While he is there question him down about every little trick and do your best to keep him well hydrated and happy . Start with a water / soda combination , transition to beer as the job appears to be reaching its natural conclusion . Money well spent . After this it 's oil and oxygen . Change oil often , engine AND transmission . Again have all the tools at the ready , no searching involved for the oil , as far as the oxygen goes make sure your baby can get it . I have not had a proper air filter on any our last few motors so have not worried about much . Odds are you will leave your boat for periods of time unattended . Do yourself a favor and top up the diesel just before putting her to bed . This helps prevent condensation and depending on what climate you leave her in this could be considerable . Condensation equals water and water to diesel is like . . . . . . . any suggestions ? Let 's just say it ain 't good ! One final note regarding your power set up is that expensive bronze thing that sits at the end of the shaft , your prop . Successful long distance motoring is dramatically enhanced with the right one . This topic is so loaded and passions run so high that I will defer to your good sense to do your research and come to your own conclusions . For me I 've stuck with a fixed three bladed prop , the largest that makes sense and it appeals to my sense of simple . This in on our monohulls , the cat came with two adjustable pitch max props . When we first got her she was terribly over pitched with the engines not able to get over 2100 rpm . Again setting up props and deciding on the right pitch is way beyond the scope of this short story but is something you must understand and address . Once you get it right you will motor with confidence into wind and sea and be able to back up like a pro . Take the time . Back to motoring . . . . Enjoy it , for a few delightful years I had the opportunity to drive an Auckland New Zealand Harbor Ferry , the Osprey . Two BIG twin caterpillar diesel , great crew ( nod to Captains Kent , Gordon , Alan , John and Jackie ( stewardess who may actually read this if she finds it on FB ) , plenty of waterline , 24 knots at cruise . Three stories above the water , in the full beam pilot house , life couldn 't get better . We would dock thirty eight times a shift in all sorts of conditions and get to see the harbor in every mood and season . Did I mention three stories up and climate controlled ( sort of ) ? Flash forward to the fall of 2015 delivering a little forty footer ( Ohana 2 ) from Noank to Nassau . Out on Long Island Sound heading west into a brisk breeze , little Yanmar ticking away , foulies zipped up tight . As I listened to the engine hum " that " thought crossed my mind , as it crosses many seasoned sailors . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . memories of the ferry . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . and the idea that perhaps it 's time to look for a Trawler ; - ) P . S . Speaking of Motoring Madison and I will be doing the same around the Bahamas from about January 25th 2017 to February 20th 2017 . If you see us do stop on by ! ! ! Now I have met folks cruising on an ultra budget who were doing a great job of it . A couple we met in Tonga come to mind . They were young and on a 40 some odd foot non - descript monohull . At the beach party in Vavauu , anchorage 14 , they were roasting some fish on the fire for their dinner . We had a great talk about their travels and " living off the land " . My wife 's cousin and his partner are another example . At a Christmas party two decades ago he asked me , with great enthusiasm coupled with little sailing experience , what kind of boat he could get cheap and sail offshore with . I thought about it and said " Crealock Dreadnaught 32 " and left it at that . A few months later he called and said he bought one ( I about fell of my chair ! ) , they left from Juneau Alaska with a 50lb bag of rice and a spear gun ( I 'm exaggerating , but not too much ) and ended up in Japan where they sold the boat . They went on to buy a 40 ' steel hull at a scrap yard , lived in it at the scrap yard while they " built it " . A year or two later took off again for Mexico , Hawaii , Midway ( where they worked for a year to build up their funds ) and then back to Alaska . He even built the MAST from a pipe ! ! ! These kind of folks can and do cruise on a budget of 500 . 00 per month . Now for the rest of us . . . . . . . . When I see an online post saying " I want to buy a $ 20 , 000 . 00 ocean going boat and cruise on 800 . 00 per month and I need to learn how to sail " I kind of wince . The advice that comes out on the chat room is good and it can be done , see the above , but is it likely ? The two examples earlier were of folks who lived off the land well before going cruising and who were predisposed to doing lots with very little . Those of us who come from fairly comfortable land based occupations with partners and children who are accustomed to certain " comforts " this notion of spending next to nothing each month generally ends prematurely and poorly . One day I was walking back to Ohana at Palm Harbor Marina in West Palm and saw a man sitting on the dock literally in tears . I walked up to ask if all was ok and struck up " the conversation " about what happened . This is not the first conversation like this I have had , in fact , had the same one just last year in Cape May with a man on a nice Pacific Seacraft Crealock 34 ( I detect a theme ) . The conversation goes something like this : " I 've dreamed of cruising my whole life . I read everything , researched everything , bought the boat and had a great couple of years outfitting her and fixing her up . Finally we decided to go and headed down to Florida in anticipation of sailing to the Bahamas and points south . Somewhere around Charleston my wife quit . She said it 's too . . . . . . . . . fill in all the " too 's " , too hot , expensive , cold , boring , terrifying , lonely , far from the kids , claustrophobic . . . . . . you get the idea . So here I am with my dream and I have to sell it . " The Cape May guy was more to the point of finances . He had done all of the same and had a VERY specific monthly budget . His transmission gave up in Cape May ( see upcoming post on " motoring " to know why ) and he literally could not afford to replace and nor afford to keep her at a dock or haul her out and store her . He was selling and he was having a fire sale . For a brief moment , as he told his story , I considered offering to help and pay for a transmission but as he kept talking I changed my mind . It would only be subsidizing what he was already ill prepared for and would just end a little further down the ditch . The point , for most folks , it 's going to " cost " a lot more than you think . Nothing makes me happier than to see folks out there really ENJOYING the life and not constantly on the wrong side of the ledger . Speaking of which I better get to work so we can go off sailing next week ! Have a blessed day all ! Early on we shared a boat with a good friend and sailed about six months a year ( he sailed the other six ) . Read earlier post " back story " for the details . Here 's the story . One afternoon I found myself sitting on a remote beach , Scarlett anchored just offshore with a Nordhavn 60 ' anchored nearby . We were the only two . We had brought the dinghy in for some afternoon exploring and a swim . Soon after we arrived the Nordhavn launched their tender ( we had a dinghy , they had a tender ) and they headed to our beach . I 've forgotten the man 's name but this scene played out many times over the years . We 'd say hello and each couple would begin to tell their story . He would be late 50 's to early 60 's . Second marriage and they were " living the dream " . Where from , where going , etc . After a few minutes the ladies would walk off to chat and we would sit down in the shade and talk a bit more . The next question would be " what do you do ? " I 'm sure you 've been there and you have your story . I 'd share ours . Given our tender ages there was some genuine interest in how we managed to get there and be able to spend several months " living the dream " . We would then proceed to share stories of business and finances and experiences . At some point in the conversation I would ask my question , what 's your best advice ? Being 30 years old on a beach with a man who has led his life is such an opportunity . On more than one occasion the advice would be similar to the advice the man from the 60 ' Nordhavn gave . Paul , see that boat there and my beautiful wife ? Yes . I would trade it all to have my family . You see Paul I worked 24 / 7 for twenty years to build my business . We were wildly successful . I provided every material want my family needed , all except one . . . . . . . . me . Time went by , divorce , estrangement from my children and now grandchildren . Paul , if you can , and it seems you might be able to , take the years your children are growing up and spend it with them . That was the advice and this happened on more than one occasion . Those days of childless wandering did come to a close . Scarlett was sold and we settled into life in Anchorage Alaska . We continued to grow our business , built a house , had our first daughter in 1998 . Our second arrived in 2001 . Those words stuck with me . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . One day I came home from another 14 hour day to find my lovely wife sitting in our " playroom " staring at the world map ( that map sits behind me right now 15 years later ) . We had a conversation about " what we were doing and what we could do " . That advice , " take the years your children are growing up and spend it with them . " was ringing in my head . We then made the worst financial decision of our lives . Fifteen years later , thousands of ocean miles , residents of a new country , we still eat and travel and pay taxes . Are we as " wealthy " as we could have been ? Not by a long shot , but I 'm convinced if we stayed on the track we were on and failed to heed that wise advice , I would have ended up sitting on a beach giving advice to a young man to , if at all possible , " take those precious years that your family is growing up and spend it with them . " Blessings all . . . . . How often have you heard this ? Now I have always been a destination guy . Always " moving " towards some distant goal and the places in between were on " The Plan " . I never really thought much about this until this last month when I found myself with absolutely NO PLAN . Now Steve and Jim at Loggerhead Marina ( Highly recommend ) in Stuart did not like this as it really messes with the paperwork ! More on that shortly for those who dare to read this whole post . The rough plan this month was to come down to Florida for spring break with Madison our oldest . I was to fly down early and get the boat ready including all new mast and rigging with some golf thrown in . Madison would fly down solo for her first time and together we would spend 10 days " doing our thing " . Well the rigging and mast plan went great and when she arrived we sat down to come up with " The Plan " . We had nothing : - ) The decision was made to sail out and see what the conditions dictated and take it from there . This is new territory for dear Captain and honestly , was kind of refreshing . Rather than some epic goal we would just go . So on Wednesday morning we dropped lines , pumped the poop and let Steve and Jim know we were leaving for good , or not . We headed out Stuart inlet and turned ESE for West End Bahamas ( habit ) . About 20 miles out and well into the Gulf Stream Madison said " I 'd really like to have ice cream at Sloans " . See we purchased Ohana 1 ( the cat ) in West Palm Beach in 2002 ( Madison was 4 at the time ) and spent the better part of two years in and out of Palm Harbor Marina as we prepared her for the Caribbean and Pacific . West Palm holds many fond memories : Two Girls Pizza , Clematis Street , The " Fountain " where the kids could play and Sloans Ice Cream . But what about " The Plan " ? ? ? There was none ! We turned to the South West , a pod of dolphins joined us and off we went to get ice cream . Now I had visions of waking to a Bahamas sunrise in West End and working our way to Marsh Harbor , leaving the boat there . We ended up visiting the Four Arts and med ( See Photo Gallery for lots of Pics ) I walked past the mega yachts that surrounded little Ohana at the Viaduct Marina in Auckland . One in particular , I 've forgotten the name , stood out . I looked at the table set on the afterdeck , it was spectacular . Three crew members were in attendance , the guests soon to arrive . . . . . . . . . . . . . lighting perfect , settings perfect . . . . . . . . . . . . what were they going to discuss , I would never know . At first I thought about the " consumption . " Who needs all that , how did they " get " it , why does it matter ? To be honest I had a bit of envy along with a bit of curiosity . So much . . . . . . . . why ? I thought about it . I would have loved to have been a fly on that wall . Here 's what I came up with : The conversations that take place around a table are the fuel . The people that contribute are the engine . If we 're blessed we can enjoy many evenings with many people who make our lives richer and fuller for having sat there . The photo gallery on this blog home page entitled " Happy Hours " captures a few of these evenings we had the honor to enjoy aboard Ohana . I have a feeling that if a boat might be a measure of one 's material success , the quality of the conversations around those tables , such as the yacht I was looking at , might be a good measure of a one 's hospitality , curiosity and inquisitiveness . So that gets us back to our humble little table . It is easy for a man to look " up " to bigger and better . Our " table " wasn 't on a mega yacht but for us may as well have been . It has entertained a wide variety of characters from all over the world . Who would have thought a boy and girl from humble beginnings in New York and Alaska would sit with corporate giants , financiers , pastors , hippies , singers , actors , tech moguls , eccentrics , escapists . . . . . . . . . . . the list goes on . It all happened around our little table . Speaking of " happy hour " I 've had a few so will sign off early . Invite people . . . . . . . . . . . . . they make it oh so colorful . One last story . This fall I was sailing south and found myself in Sandy Hook ( Atlantic Highlands NJ ) . Earlier in the day the engine died and was an afternoon of back and forth to NAPA to sort things out . At first I hitched a ride with a local , his wife and brother in law . I realized soon after that NAPA was a short walk and made several trips back and forth as I diagnosed the problem . It 's part of the deal and those folks were great ! Well 6pm was rolling around and I was sitting in the cockpit looking around and a noticed a dinghy going boat to boat inviting people over for happy hour . I thought " I 'd like to have happy hour " but kept my hand down . Well Scott came by Ohana and invited me ! I hopped aboard and soon realized his other passenger was the fellow who drove me to NAPA ! We ended up aboard Tamure and enjoyed a great evening with every single hander in the harbor along with Scott and Kitty who it turns out are a bit of legends in the sailing world . Their boat was a living museum . Check out their site for Tamure by clicking on the link . Along with these two links Great Escape and Atlantic Circle We sat in the cockpit around their " table " and as the evening progressed moved down below . It was magic . They took the time to invite and that is an encouragement to me to do the same . At times I resist but I know that all that is good occurs around that place , the table . CruisersForum has a lot of questions regarding storm tactics with Catamarans . I have to confess I asked many of the same when we first bought Ohana and went as far as purchasing a monster parachute anchor which we carried all over the Caribbean and Pacific . We never deployed it . This is my stab at answering , at least , how we did it . The question is always " what were the worst conditions you were ever in . " That answer is a four hour period between Tonga and New Zealand in 2005 where we were averaging 16 knots in some pretty big seas . The video above is from a trip to Tonga in 2010 with the aforementioned Vito onboard . It looks rough but the boat could handle that and much more . That was pretty much it . Of the tens of thousands of miles I 've covered those four hours and 60 some odd miles were the most lively . The 2005 experience ? Well later on I 'll discuss my philosophy of sailing " with the storm " , suffice it to say we were doing just that and the wind was off our quarter where we wanted it and the seas were with us so to speak . . . . and they were big . Reef early ( that 's a tip ) , and we had , but even with a triple reef in the main and a handkerchief of jib out we were FLYING and it was loud . The sound a big cat makes going over 10 knots is like living in a waterfall . Going 15 - 16 is a whole other story . Down each wave she accelerates and it was those few moments at the bottom where I had pause . Bows please come up . . . . . . . . . and each time they would and I would say " elevator up ! " This went on for four hours or so as we ducked under the lower part of the system on our way south . That was the most tense I 've been while offshore . Believe it or not the girls played quietly on the deck in the main salon and Becky looked up every now and then and asked if we were ok , amazing . Disclaimer : The advise here is free and you get what you pay for . Take it for it is , know your boat well and be honest about your skill set . I would also equip much differently for sailing in high latitudes or off season . The other thing I 've learned is the boat can take a lot more than the crew . We were in conditions like the video for several days after leaving Opua , several large monohulls actually turned back . Ohana kept skipping along . One night Garth , who was along for his first offshore passage , wanted to go on deck and put one final reef in . My advise to him was " nothing good cPoint 3 - I 'm scratching my chin here . All that comes to mind is how important it is to know your personal limits and not put your crew or yourself in a situation you or the boat are not truly prepared to handle . That and DO NOT sail on a schedule if at all possible . This is about catamarans and if you 've read this far you probably own one so here is the final dirty little secret , they all slam ( some more than others ) , they all take 15 knots of wind to really get moving and none of them really go to weather nor should they . All the more reason to sail the fronts in my opinion and keep her moving , when the wind falls below 10 knots and the boat slows to 4 time to kick on an engine . Time to hit the sack internet friends ! Have a blessed day and many happy and safe miles . I am the most unlikely Hunter owner . Back in the " day " selling boats was the game and Hunter was a big no - no . I was a Hunter Snob with no real reason to be so , short of a little conversation at a boat show . I was actually looking at the Hunters and commenting on how nice they were for the money . At twenty some odd years old what did I know ? Let 's call him Crusty , the broker who had taken me under his wing , said " boat show boat " . That was all it took to turn me off to Hunters . Three words . What does " boat show boat " mean ? Basically a boat the wife likes at the boat show , huge interiors , ticks all the boxes , priced well and falls apart after a few years in the Florida sun . Soon after , as a young yacht broker , I actually sold a Hunter and it looked just like Crusty described , weather beaten and tired . Tied up behind a house in Port Orange Florida we limped it up to Seven Seas Marina in Daytona for haul out and inspection . All I believed about Hunters seemed to be true . That was the last I thought of Hunters until I met Vito but , before we introduce this character , one has to ask why was I looking for a boat like a Hunter in the first place . I wasn 't . This past Alaska winter our oldest daughter looked at me and said " Dad , what good is all this experience if you don 't share it ? " followed with , " can we get a boat and just you and I spend the summer sailing together . " Annie get your gun ! I was off to the races . This coincided with an article in Cruising Outpost issue # 8 entitled " The Whole Nine Yards " the story of two girls , a dog , a cat and a 27 ' boat ( support Bob Bitchin and buy the mag , it 's worth the eight bucks ) . That question and article set the Berger wheels in motion . Let 's find a small " beater boat " , not too fancy and easily handled by one or two . Something the girls could grow into and make it their own should they have the desire . The usual suspects came to mind , Catalina 30 , J 30 , C & C 30 or up a little to the 35 ' range . After a good talk with long suffering wife ( who , bless her heart , generally supports a good ole adventure after the idea has a little time to marinate ) gave her approval and I began the search . Now there is a whole other post on buying boats and I wrote it a few days ago and it was summarily VAPORIZED by sailblogs . Here is the cliff note version : Know that as you look " the one " will likely show up and don 't be afraid to buy it . That 's basically it . The " one " is easier to see after you 've been on a few and start to get a feel for what 's out there . In the case of this project the size quickly grew to 40 ' as we adjusted and thought about family vacations with all four of us and the prospect of having a relatively inexpensive floating condo . Fair enough and in our experience 40 ' still met the expectation of being easily handled by one or two . I flew into Annapolis late April and started the hunt . This took me from Deltaville Virginia as far north as Westport Connecticut . I looked at Beneteaus , Catalina , Jenneaus and two newer Hunters . Nothing was " clicking " although the Hunters were cool they had the new B & R rigs ( no backstay ) and one had the expected deck leaks that I had been warned of . Remember Vito ? Picture a Sicilian bull dog with a heart of gold . We met Vito , Madeline and their daughter Amanda in Bora Bora back in 2005 . At the time they were aboard Wanderer , a beautiful and capable Amel 53 . My father was onboard Ohana , he had grown up in the Bronx and worked in New York City for most of his career . As soon as he heard Vito 's deep Italian voice on the VHF he had to meet him . Kind of a cross between CarTalk and a Corleone . Just made you feel safe and nervous at the same time . Now Vito and I became quick friends and have remained so for over a decade . I TRUST him and value his opinion and on one topic in particular he was adamant and unwavering . . . . . . . . . . . . Hunter Legends . As soon as I mentioned this idea of a small beater boat for the east coast he said " Paully , you got ta look at da Hunter Legend ! " He had one for over a decade ( two actually if memory serves , a 37 ' and a 40 . 5 ) and just would not stop raving about the boat . I still had my 1987 snob hat on and kept politely deferring . Finally , I broke , as nothing was really feeling right on my search so far . I located a Hunter Legend 40 . 5 on the Eastern Shore of Maryland and invested the time to drive over onI met the broker and we trudged out against the north wind and as I walked up to Hunter Legend 40 . 5 for the first time the thing that struck me was that she was big . Just big compared to all the other 40 's I had been looking at . She had a 7 / 8th fractional rig which you J sailors know is a great set up for short handed sailing and powerful . The cockpit had a cutout transom ( wife request ) and there were hatches galore ! What 's going on here , it must leak like a sieve . We climbed aboard ( they have a high freeboard and are beamy which explains the interior volume ) and I mean climbed . Slid open the companionway hatch and I was just blown away by the cabin , oh my goodness , I was falling into the " boat show boat " trap ! This boat was twenty years old however and had not yet melted as Crusty had promised , good sign . A 50hp Yanmar diesel - yea , tons of cabinet space , plenty of light , a well laid out galley , two heads . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Vito was right , this boat was incredible . There must be a catch . With that many opening hatches let 's look for leaks , there were none . This particular boat was poorly maintained and run hard . The bones though looked great and it was time to find all the Hunter 40 . 5s on the East Coast and have a real look . That took an evening with Yachtworld along with one more drive up and down the coast looking at four examples of the boat . I had evidently seen the worst of the lot first and the other three I found were all in terrific condition . All were mid 90 's boats with light use and well maintained . The last of the bunch had an offer on it already and was a tri - cabin which I felt was superior with a family and left a cabin just for storing stuff . At first it was off the list given its pending sale put that sale fell through and I was able to finally get onboard . She was " the one " , you just know it . I have to thank Cherie Startner of Great Blue Yachts for just calling . I bugged her about the boat for a few days while the Annapolis Boat show was going on ( she was in the middle of it and having done So here we are Hunter owners . . . . . . . . . . who would have thought ? At this point we 've put about 3000 plus miles on her in a variety of conditions from Nantucket to Nassau . She has proved to be fast , seaworthy , comfortable at the dock and anchor as well as very easy to handle . That 's the story . I think at the end of the day whatever boat you find yourself in will work for almost anything . What they take is care , feeding and love . . . . . . . . . . . perhaps that 's the part you feel . . . . . . the love . I 've been thinking back over all of our passages over the years . There are several themes to each one , let 's call them the " life of a passage " . It starts ( the actual passage ) with dropping the lines . Everything before this moment is safe and predictable . See Madison 's blog entitled " Phase 2 " ( http : / / captain - andthekid . blogspot . com / 2015 / 05 / phase - 2 . html ) . I 'll copy the text below and save you the cut and paste . She talks about the provisioning , fixing , storing , preparing , reading , talking . . . . . . . . . . every fun thing we do before leaving on an extended passage . Dropping the lines though . . . . . . . taking off into the unknown . That 's another story . The worst time for me was leaving the Galapagos for the longest passage of our life , the 3000nm to the Marquesas . The first 48 hours were torture . All was fine on the boat , all were happy , just the feeling in the pit of my stomach . All the " what ifs " , they were real and turning around was not an option . That time passed and we developed a routine and those 18 days were some of the best memories of our cruising life . Those first 48 were part of it . Recently I found myself at Spicer 's Marina in Noank Connecticut about to take of on a solo delivery to Florida . Prior to leaving Becky said in no uncertain terms , " if you change your mind just don 't go , no biggie " . I had been in New England for a week or so at that point . Had made the Costco runs , visited Vito and Madeline from Wanderer , met all the neighbors on the dock and had begun to develop the marina friendships that sprout up quickly among our community . That Saturday was shaping up to be like many Saturdays on G pier at Spicers . The party boat was setting up across the dock and the beer was already flowing . The weekend " wash the boat " crowds were washing and the fisherman were cleaning fish . A BBQ was being set up on the dock and I was having a ball talking with everyone , asking questions , listening to stories , telling stories , the usual . The idea of leaving was just the furthest thing from my mind . . . . . . . . . . . . and the closest . For ( the picture for this post is from that day just after getting the autopilot working and heading over to Fisher 's Island ) A lot has happened over the course of 24 hours for us . Phase 2 is in motion and it hit hard today . What is phase 1 you ask ? Sit down mortals , grab some trail mix , let me explain . Phase 1 of sailing is getting on board , cleaning the boat , stocking the boat , provisioning , driving around boating supply stores in a rental car , learning how the toilets work , fixing the engine , buying silverware and kitcheny stuff , febreezing the heck out of everything , the list goes on . Believe it or not learning how toilets work on a boat is a very hard concept for most people to wrap their heads around . When I was a little girl and someone new would come onboard , before anything at all I would give them a tour of the boat and teach them how the toilets worked . That stuff is witchcraft man . Phase 1 of sailing is super important because if your boat isn 't organised and clean and everyone on board isn 't prepared , certified and educated on why turning off lights is so important , you probably aren 't ready for phase 2 . We 've spent a good week in phase 1 . The time we 've spent running through the isles of West Marine , Home Depot and Fawcett 's boat store , is crazy . You 'd think we were part time owners by now . Phase 2 is where stuff gets real . You leave the marina and get a mooring . The boat starts rocking . You 're seasick . You walk around in your underwear . This is when you know there 's no turning back . Today I knew it was phase 2 because when I woke up my dad was gone , and my little boatie kid instincts said to make breakfast . Not to do any phase 1 stuff , just jump right into boat life and start the day because I know we had some sailing ahead of us . I made my dad spam and eggs and I made a bowl of pineapple for myself . When I was a kid spam was like a gift from God . Kel and I would smell spam in the morning and we knew it was someones birthday or Jesus had come back or something . My sister and I held spam on the highest pedestal in terms of breakfast foods . I realised today my childhood was a lie and spam is just dog food strategically placAfter cabin inspection and the kitchen and boat was all clean , my dad 's friend and the boatyard manager , Ted came over to help fix our engine . He talked to us for a long , long time about life and politics and the history of the city . He 's lived here for most of his life and he told us when he was a kid black people would live underneath the tiniest abandoned boats that were just left there on the side of the creek . They would crab all day , cook fish at night , and just raise their kids and live their lives . He said they were the nicest people and would always talk to him and his friends when they walked the creek like Huckleberry Finn or something . Keep in mind , this was a totally different time in history . The black people would flip the boats over so they could use them as shelter and a place to sleep . Eventually , in the immancipation proclamation , Abe Lincoln gave that land away to the black people . The white people didn 't want it because of the bugs . What a bunch of wimpies . Ted was a cool guy to listen to . The people you meet sailing are really the folks you 'll remember your entire life . I have friends my age and I have some amazing people in my day to day life but the characters I really remember are the weirdos you run into on the water . I don 't see them all the time , and I may never see them again in my life but I 'll never forget the people I met as a kid cruising . We still have life long friends from Norway , England , all over America , and every corner of the planet . Not a lot are my age and I can 't relate to any of them that well but learning about other people 's lives and stories is really a gift and if you have the chance to talk to people , especially travelling I highly recommend it . My dad and I drove to do a couple more errands to finish off the tedious and draining phase 1 . We dropped off the rental car and got a taxi back to the boat yard . I can 't stand taxis , it 's like paying someone to kidnap you and your family . They might as well just carry candy with them , give you the whole experience . We got back to the boatyard and took off . We just sailed to downtown Annapolis and there were tons of boats out . It 's a total sailing town , every single person that lives there owns a boat or at least works or crews on one . I didn 't get behind the wheel , I just took care of lines and tying the boat on and off . When we finally approached the mooring my dad left getting the boat on the mooring up to me which wasn 't too scary until we got up close to it . The notion that I 'd never done this before kicked in and I was really nervous I was going to fall overboard or ya know , miss the mooring . I got the line on the boat on the first try though . It was pretty neat . If I accomplished anything this Summer , it was that . I took a stellar nap . My dad tried like crazy to inflate the dingy but nothing was working . Our pump looked like something you would get at party and craft and it was killing him trying to blow this . . thing up . I woke up when it started getting dark outside and there was another guy in the cockpit with my dad . Turns out the boat next to us was from Wasilla , Alaska . I know , the world is so little . Once again , you meet the nicest people sailing . He talked to us about his life , and how he went to Wasilla high and some stuff about politics . Everyone talks about politics with my dad and I . Anyway , this guy , Nick brought a better dingy pump and helped us blow up the dingy and get it in the water . He blogs too . Check out knoticalnic . wordpress . com . I knew knot puns weren 't lame . My dad and I caught the water taxi into town to have some dinner and catch some of the Saturday night action . The city of Annapolis is crazy at night . It 's filled with drunk , white people . Kind of like a family get together at my uncle Jason 's house . We walked the streets and got some sweet tea and dinner at the cutest little diner . I 'm a tea conniosseur and I 'm all about sweet tea but sweet tea in the South is on a whole different level . This was like 90 % sugar . It was diabetes in the cup . I could feel my mom in Alaska screaming . It 's about 12 : 30am here now . I 'm wide awake and I probably will be for a long while . I have a lot on my mind . The one thing about blogging that makes me feel annoying is that it 's mostly or all about my life and experiences . Which is okay , I understand the only people reading this are probably a little curious as to what a 17 year old girl on a boat gets up to on the daily . I cherish people that take time to tell me they read what I write and they find it interesting or funny . My favorite thing is when other people or my friends tell me about their day and what 's going on in their lives so if you do things doing your day , or don 't do things feel free to message me on any site you please and tell me about it . I 'm on a boat , I have a lot of free time to listen . And I love doing so . Even when my nana writes to tell me about her garden club , or my friends back home tell me about their drunk camping trips , I love it . I soak that stuff up . Tell me about your awkward first dance , tell me about what you want to do in the future , tell me about how you picked up 5 cats on the side of the road and your mom said you can 't keep them but they lived in your closet for a week because you couldn 't part with them . Because that 's someone 's life and it 's cool to be apart of that . People are such complex beings , and the day to day stuff that makes up their entire exitence is super cool to hear about . The connections you make , you could have for your entire life . All I do on this blog is tell you about the little bits and peices that I do everyday on the boat , and people seem to read it . I looked at the stats yesterday which is wild considering I can barely work the oven by myself . I 'm like an old lady trying to use an iphone for the first time , I swear . I 'm not as technologically savvy as I seem . Trying to use google maps on my phone is like trying to navigate the mars rover for me . My friends can testify . Anyway , It said over 400 people looked at this blog just yesterday , which kind of freaks me out but it encourages me that people Hugs and kisses from the sea , xo Started this back in 2008 and abandoned quickly for other options . Time has gone by and we 're back ! After many adventures across the Caribbean and Pacific aboard Ohana we are back on it aboard Ohana II . The idea was to find a simple inexpensive boat that Madison and Kelsey could sail . [ . . . ] Also to spend time exploring the East coast and Bahamas and basically getting back to the basics Becky and I enjoyed upon Scarlett . Hope you enjoy ! Also Check out captain - andthekid @ blogspot . com for Madison 's blog : - )
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Each morning I wake to find a bunch of questions posted on " Cruisers and Sailing Forums " . I love taking the time to read and respond where I can . A common question is what to " get rid of " before moving aboard . We 're all for minimization , a pair of socks comes on , a pair goes off . That being said when closing up a household we did not consider that we may one day move back , which we did . This little post is in respect to this topic : - ) _____ Most of the posts that I have seen here on CF since I 've joined last year all talk about moving aboard ( myself included ) . But what happens if you have to , want to , return to a land - based lifestyle ? I only remember seeing one recent post concerning life after cruising ( but I am sure there are more in older posts ) . _____ I like this perspective on considering this very question . We did move aboard and sailed / lived for a decade overseas . We sold the house and all the furniture in it along with most of my larger power tools ( that was a minor mistake ) . We did keep our real estate holdings and in one of the buildings I carved out a storage area for our more treasured belongings . We had traveled a lot before the " big trip " and had lots of little reminders with special meanings , lots of books ( classics and rare ) and lots of artwork etc . After 3 years we ended up in New Zealand where we obtained residency and put our girls in school . On a business trip back to Alaska I arranged to have all that " stuff " sent down . It was like Christmas opening up those boxes and although a bit on the expensive side , putting those items in our new home in NZ made it really feel like home . 7 years later we moved back to the States for a number of reasons which we do not regret at all . This time we hired a 20 ' container and sent what had been accumulated in NZ back after a BIG GARAGE SALE . Now our Alaskan home has a twenty years worth of history and it 's nice to look back over all those memories and tell stories through all those small little items . REGRET ? I should have stored all the big stuff we gave away . Tools first - table saw ( 2000 sold for probably 500 ) and lots of stuff like that . All the sports gear , bikes , kayaks , skis , winter wear , Jeep , etc . Perhaps even some of the furniture . The truth is most all new live aboard cruisers return to land at some point . That would be an interesting survey . The math is pretty straight forward , value of replacing items with storage costs for a given period of time . The sentimental value something different . Found this while muddling through an old laptop . Just a few weeks ago we were back at Rudder Cay . Madison is now 18 and we are short one hull ( Catamaran Pun , please forgive ) . The rhythm felt the same , right down to the dinner : - ) The pic above is from that night fourteen years ago and of the " plastic chairs " we found on the beach . Enjoy ! 5 : 30 Awake , check position and remember to turn off anchor light . Indicator light burned out so placed post - it with big A on it to remind me . Read " Prey " until … 6 : 10 Kelsey cries , wet diaper . Changed and made a break for my book . Had large glass of water , neglected to put coffee on . 6 : 20 Kelsey up , book over . Asking for mama but wants me . Played on settee and brought her down to help wake mama up . 6 : 30 Madison awake , wet her bed which I discovered earlier . She informs me of the same and apologizes . Hard to get mad at her . Making plan to clean sheets using washing contraption . 7 : 00 Clifford , big red dog playing since 6 : 35 while I tried to sneak in a little more book before Becky awoke . She 's up now and wondering where coffee is and why the dishes are not done . Put coffee on , should boil over within 5 minutes . 7 : 05 Boiled over . 7 : 06 to 8 : 00 Made breakfast for self and did dishes . Cleared deck from previous day and made dinghy ready to be lifted . While lifting took the time to spray out the sand . Checked both bilges and pumped port . 8 : 00 to 9 : 00 Talked about future plans and summer housing . Also plans for the day and where we would like to go . Declined offer to go spear fishing , anxious to get moving north . Decided to sail inside of islands , read up on route and made ready . Started engines to make hot water for Becky 's shower and charge batteries . Also turned on watermaker and checked its output . Had Beck bring up the anchor as a drill . She also took the time to raise the main but I finished the heavy lifting . 9 : 00 - 10 : 00 Beautiful sail from Rat Cay to Adderley . Shallow area , on high alert ! Crystal clear water and perfect wind ghosting along at 6 knots over 6 feet of water . Some minor nail biting . Looked hard for El McPherson 's house . 10 : 00 - 11 : 00 Out the cut and into deep water . Lots of current ! Jib down and messed around with the spinnaker for a while . Girls playing in fort on cockpit . Must be a million degrees out here ! Sweating through everything and a lot of running around . 12 : 00 - 1 : 00 Find our way into Rudder Cut and Darby . Trouble deciding which way to go . Saw some nudies heading to Rudder so decided on Darby . Shallow anchorage so dove on anchor , looked ok . Set anchor watch on GPS . Dove on speed transducer and freed it . Also measured depth of water precisely . 2 : 00 - 2 : 30 Kelsey napping , Maddie playing quietly , Beck in cockpit having a peaceful moment . Sneak into cabin and finish Prey ! Now I can think again ! 2 : 30 - 3 : 00 Empty dinghy and lower into water , think upper body workout . Called Little Darby for permission to hike up to castle . Got kids lubed up with sunscreen and gear . 3 : 00 - 5 : 00 Off to island to explore castle . Everything going well until we get out of the dinghy and are assaulted by three dogs ! Kids terrified , mom upset and we are out of there . Would have been nice if the caretaker had mentioned these ! Motored over to Rudder and the round house . Second highlight of the day , the first being the sail from Rat to Adderly . We landed on the beach and walked up to the house . Pretty much just as we had left it eight years ago . The limo was gone however . Back to the beach where two plastic chairs were left behind and amazingly in semi working condition ! We were able to sit and the girls played with a stick . Boy have things changed ! Hung out until the sun started to get low . Spent a fair amount of time with some lizards as well . 5 : 00 - 6 : 00 Family trampoline time and happy hour ! Noticed how low the tide was and decided to " walk " around the boat ! Took the time to scrub the exhaust stains of off the transoms . Sun dipped and I climbed back aboard to help with dinner . 6 : 00 - 7 : 00 Dinner , chicken and rice , and evening routine . LOTS of dishes . Tooth brushing and beginning of book reading . I read to Kelsey , about 8 books and she wanted to keep going . She was asleep by 7 : 30 and I dosed off with her . Continue journal around 8 : 30 8 : 30 - 10 : 30 Going through West Marine catalog making up large wish list . Going page by page . Spent and hour putting together screens for the boat . Well worth the effort . Purchased some screen before we left . That and a little duck tape do the trick . Took measurement for some more Lewmar screens . Wrote several eMails and sent . At least an hour spent on reading business stuff from Anchorage and responding . In bed by 10 : 30 I 'm a closet " motorer " and now that I think about it , a proud one . I have a feeling I am not alone . There is a certain glamour to the idea of sailing , there is a certain practicality to actually " getting there " . First let 's talk about sailing , the act of actually putting up sails and going . For many years I raced and this was all that was allowed . Perhaps that explains my canvas rebellion . Now before I get too far ahead of myself I must say good advice to any " newbie " is RACE . Being wet , cold , injured , verbally abused while inebriated will prepare you for much of what the ocean has in store . I personally was never entrusted with much aft of the foredeck so " cold and wet " pretty much encapsulate those formative years . Racing prepares one for the inevitable and constant failures that plague even modern rigs . There is a degree of physical fitness , a step or two up from golf , and a large amount of problem solving under pressure . Racing also has a large social component which forces one to pledge allegiance to all things canvas . The part that is kind of funny is anytime we had to actually GET the boat anywhere we MOTORED . So how much do we motor over sail ? I 'd say 80 / 20 ( ah Pareto 's Law ) . Yes folks this sailing blog should be a powerboat blog . Heresy you say . Now this was not the case in the Pacific and the tradewinds . One of the most wonderful qualities of that stretch of ocean is the consistent beam to broad reach . The dirty little secret , however , was that the problem was rarely too much wind , the challenge , more times than not , was too little . At these times rather than sit there clanging around in the swell we would " fire em up " . Ohana ( the catamaran ) had two 27hp yanmars and with one ticking away a few things would happen . First , the boat would start moving , from four knots to seven . This alone was a great motivator to captain and crew . The boat would " quiet down " except for the hum of the diesel of course , but that was oddly comforting . On a light air trip from Fiji to New Zealand we had one engine on ALL THE TIME . That 's seven days ! It was me and a friend and as I recall he said " it made him comfortable " to hear the purring of a well tuned diesel . I 'm all about making our crew comfortable . The second reason I 'm not shy about firing up an engine or two is safety . Generally I 'm sailing short handed and being at anchor is a lot safer than being on the ocean . A well maintained diesel can run for thousands of hours and the engines LIKE being used . The key words " well maintained " opens up a whole new entertainment center for the cruiser . Maintaining a diesel engine is fun in itself and rewarding , at least in my world of limited entertainment . This piece is basically a rationalization piece to those of us who like the hear the hum of a motor and are looking for an excuse to come out of the shadows and share our enthusiasm for the same . It is also a call to those who have the " dream " to consider not just looking up , but also looking down , into the darkness of their engine rooms and embrace that warm lovable hunk of iron . Let 's take a few brief minutes to discuss what the little darling needs and what the benefits are of making her your best friend . The ONE THING a diesel engine needs is CLEAN FUEL . That 's pretty much it . An intimate knowledge of your fuel system is a must and if you bought a used boat , particularly one that has seen little use , you already have a challenge . Your fuel is dirty , just make that assumption . What to do ? Filtration . Now I 'm not a fuel expert and I 'm not recommending any particular products . I have used Raycor filters on just about every boat I can recall and the cartridges are EASY to obtain WORLDWIDE , carry lots . Now the best setup is one that has two filters in parallel and allows you to switch to the second filter as the first becomes fouled . I don 't have this on the current Ohana nor on the previous ( cheap bastard ) . The key to know when your filter is on its way out is a vacuum gauge . Mount this invaluable gadget where it is easily seen and check it often . I watch ours regularly and for the first couple of 100 hours on Ohana 2 she would gum up fairly quickly . What was happening was we were essentially " polishing " the fuel . After two hundred hours or so this has become much less frequent . There is a filter on your engine as well and is often neglected . This filter does not need to be changed as often as the Raycor filter , which does most of the heavy lifting , but does need to be attended to on occasion . The second key is keeping the tools needed to change the filter right next to the filter . This includes in our case a plastic folgers coffee can and a one gallon jug of clean diesel to fill the new filter . I do the same thing for the alternator belt . All three wrenches to change the belt are in their own pocket in our tool bag . Changing that belt should be able to be accomplished in 3 minutes or less ( the replacement is hanging in the engine room ready to go ) . The dreaded " bleeding " of the engine . For some reason this little operation strikes more fear into the hearts of mariners than warranted . Air is the enemy to your diesel and if a bit gets in , usually during the filter changing process , she won 't want to run . If you change your filter , add fuel before reinstalling and generally do a tidy job , odds are she will fire right up , burp a few times and then purr like a kitten . If you don 't and you find you have to bleed , fret not . It 's an easy operation best done first at the dock on a nice calm day close to a NAPA store . If you are really hesitant to touch your engine hire a diesel mechanic the first time and " pay your tuition " . While he is there question him down about every little trick and do your best to keep him well hydrated and happy . Start with a water / soda combination , transition to beer as the job appears to be reaching its natural conclusion . Money well spent . After this it 's oil and oxygen . Change oil often , engine AND transmission . Again have all the tools at the ready , no searching involved for the oil , as far as the oxygen goes make sure your baby can get it . I have not had a proper air filter on any our last few motors so have not worried about much . Odds are you will leave your boat for periods of time unattended . Do yourself a favor and top up the diesel just before putting her to bed . This helps prevent condensation and depending on what climate you leave her in this could be considerable . Condensation equals water and water to diesel is like . . . . . . . any suggestions ? Let 's just say it ain 't good ! One final note regarding your power set up is that expensive bronze thing that sits at the end of the shaft , your prop . Successful long distance motoring is dramatically enhanced with the right one . This topic is so loaded and passions run so high that I will defer to your good sense to do your research and come to your own conclusions . For me I 've stuck with a fixed three bladed prop , the largest that makes sense and it appeals to my sense of simple . This in on our monohulls , the cat came with two adjustable pitch max props . When we first got her she was terribly over pitched with the engines not able to get over 2100 rpm . Again setting up props and deciding on the right pitch is way beyond the scope of this short story but is something you must understand and address . Once you get it right you will motor with confidence into wind and sea and be able to back up like a pro . Take the time . Back to motoring . . . . Enjoy it , for a few delightful years I had the opportunity to drive an Auckland New Zealand Harbor Ferry , the Osprey . Two BIG twin caterpillar diesel , great crew ( nod to Captains Kent , Gordon , Alan , John and Jackie ( stewardess who may actually read this if she finds it on FB ) , plenty of waterline , 24 knots at cruise . Three stories above the water , in the full beam pilot house , life couldn 't get better . We would dock thirty eight times a shift in all sorts of conditions and get to see the harbor in every mood and season . Did I mention three stories up and climate controlled ( sort of ) ? Flash forward to the fall of 2015 delivering a little forty footer ( Ohana 2 ) from Noank to Nassau . Out on Long Island Sound heading west into a brisk breeze , little Yanmar ticking away , foulies zipped up tight . As I listened to the engine hum " that " thought crossed my mind , as it crosses many seasoned sailors . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . memories of the ferry . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . and the idea that perhaps it 's time to look for a Trawler ; - ) P . S . Speaking of Motoring Madison and I will be doing the same around the Bahamas from about January 25th 2017 to February 20th 2017 . If you see us do stop on by ! ! ! Now I have met folks cruising on an ultra budget who were doing a great job of it . A couple we met in Tonga come to mind . They were young and on a 40 some odd foot non - descript monohull . At the beach party in Vavauu , anchorage 14 , they were roasting some fish on the fire for their dinner . We had a great talk about their travels and " living off the land " . My wife 's cousin and his partner are another example . At a Christmas party two decades ago he asked me , with great enthusiasm coupled with little sailing experience , what kind of boat he could get cheap and sail offshore with . I thought about it and said " Crealock Dreadnaught 32 " and left it at that . A few months later he called and said he bought one ( I about fell of my chair ! ) , they left from Juneau Alaska with a 50lb bag of rice and a spear gun ( I 'm exaggerating , but not too much ) and ended up in Japan where they sold the boat . They went on to buy a 40 ' steel hull at a scrap yard , lived in it at the scrap yard while they " built it " . A year or two later took off again for Mexico , Hawaii , Midway ( where they worked for a year to build up their funds ) and then back to Alaska . He even built the MAST from a pipe ! ! ! These kind of folks can and do cruise on a budget of 500 . 00 per month . Now for the rest of us . . . . . . . . When I see an online post saying " I want to buy a $ 20 , 000 . 00 ocean going boat and cruise on 800 . 00 per month and I need to learn how to sail " I kind of wince . The advice that comes out on the chat room is good and it can be done , see the above , but is it likely ? The two examples earlier were of folks who lived off the land well before going cruising and who were predisposed to doing lots with very little . Those of us who come from fairly comfortable land based occupations with partners and children who are accustomed to certain " comforts " this notion of spending next to nothing each month generally ends prematurely and poorly . One day I was walking back to Ohana at Palm Harbor Marina in West Palm and saw a man sitting on the dock literally in tears . I walked up to ask if all was ok and struck up " the conversation " about what happened . This is not the first conversation like this I have had , in fact , had the same one just last year in Cape May with a man on a nice Pacific Seacraft Crealock 34 ( I detect a theme ) . The conversation goes something like this : " I 've dreamed of cruising my whole life . I read everything , researched everything , bought the boat and had a great couple of years outfitting her and fixing her up . Finally we decided to go and headed down to Florida in anticipation of sailing to the Bahamas and points south . Somewhere around Charleston my wife quit . She said it 's too . . . . . . . . . fill in all the " too 's " , too hot , expensive , cold , boring , terrifying , lonely , far from the kids , claustrophobic . . . . . . you get the idea . So here I am with my dream and I have to sell it . " The Cape May guy was more to the point of finances . He had done all of the same and had a VERY specific monthly budget . His transmission gave up in Cape May ( see upcoming post on " motoring " to know why ) and he literally could not afford to replace and nor afford to keep her at a dock or haul her out and store her . He was selling and he was having a fire sale . For a brief moment , as he told his story , I considered offering to help and pay for a transmission but as he kept talking I changed my mind . It would only be subsidizing what he was already ill prepared for and would just end a little further down the ditch . The point , for most folks , it 's going to " cost " a lot more than you think . Nothing makes me happier than to see folks out there really ENJOYING the life and not constantly on the wrong side of the ledger . Speaking of which I better get to work so we can go off sailing next week ! Have a blessed day all ! Early on we shared a boat with a good friend and sailed about six months a year ( he sailed the other six ) . Read earlier post " back story " for the details . Here 's the story . One afternoon I found myself sitting on a remote beach , Scarlett anchored just offshore with a Nordhavn 60 ' anchored nearby . We were the only two . We had brought the dinghy in for some afternoon exploring and a swim . Soon after we arrived the Nordhavn launched their tender ( we had a dinghy , they had a tender ) and they headed to our beach . I 've forgotten the man 's name but this scene played out many times over the years . We 'd say hello and each couple would begin to tell their story . He would be late 50 's to early 60 's . Second marriage and they were " living the dream " . Where from , where going , etc . After a few minutes the ladies would walk off to chat and we would sit down in the shade and talk a bit more . The next question would be " what do you do ? " I 'm sure you 've been there and you have your story . I 'd share ours . Given our tender ages there was some genuine interest in how we managed to get there and be able to spend several months " living the dream " . We would then proceed to share stories of business and finances and experiences . At some point in the conversation I would ask my question , what 's your best advice ? Being 30 years old on a beach with a man who has led his life is such an opportunity . On more than one occasion the advice would be similar to the advice the man from the 60 ' Nordhavn gave . Paul , see that boat there and my beautiful wife ? Yes . I would trade it all to have my family . You see Paul I worked 24 / 7 for twenty years to build my business . We were wildly successful . I provided every material want my family needed , all except one . . . . . . . . me . Time went by , divorce , estrangement from my children and now grandchildren . Paul , if you can , and it seems you might be able to , take the years your children are growing up and spend it with them . That was the advice and this happened on more than one occasion . Those days of childless wandering did come to a close . Scarlett was sold and we settled into life in Anchorage Alaska . We continued to grow our business , built a house , had our first daughter in 1998 . Our second arrived in 2001 . Those words stuck with me . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . One day I came home from another 14 hour day to find my lovely wife sitting in our " playroom " staring at the world map ( that map sits behind me right now 15 years later ) . We had a conversation about " what we were doing and what we could do " . That advice , " take the years your children are growing up and spend it with them . " was ringing in my head . We then made the worst financial decision of our lives . Fifteen years later , thousands of ocean miles , residents of a new country , we still eat and travel and pay taxes . Are we as " wealthy " as we could have been ? Not by a long shot , but I 'm convinced if we stayed on the track we were on and failed to heed that wise advice , I would have ended up sitting on a beach giving advice to a young man to , if at all possible , " take those precious years that your family is growing up and spend it with them . " Blessings all . . . . . How often have you heard this ? Now I have always been a destination guy . Always " moving " towards some distant goal and the places in between were on " The Plan " . I never really thought much about this until this last month when I found myself with absolutely NO PLAN . Now Steve and Jim at Loggerhead Marina ( Highly recommend ) in Stuart did not like this as it really messes with the paperwork ! More on that shortly for those who dare to read this whole post . The rough plan this month was to come down to Florida for spring break with Madison our oldest . I was to fly down early and get the boat ready including all new mast and rigging with some golf thrown in . Madison would fly down solo for her first time and together we would spend 10 days " doing our thing " . Well the rigging and mast plan went great and when she arrived we sat down to come up with " The Plan " . We had nothing : - ) The decision was made to sail out and see what the conditions dictated and take it from there . This is new territory for dear Captain and honestly , was kind of refreshing . Rather than some epic goal we would just go . So on Wednesday morning we dropped lines , pumped the poop and let Steve and Jim know we were leaving for good , or not . We headed out Stuart inlet and turned ESE for West End Bahamas ( habit ) . About 20 miles out and well into the Gulf Stream Madison said " I 'd really like to have ice cream at Sloans " . See we purchased Ohana 1 ( the cat ) in West Palm Beach in 2002 ( Madison was 4 at the time ) and spent the better part of two years in and out of Palm Harbor Marina as we prepared her for the Caribbean and Pacific . West Palm holds many fond memories : Two Girls Pizza , Clematis Street , The " Fountain " where the kids could play and Sloans Ice Cream . But what about " The Plan " ? ? ? There was none ! We turned to the South West , a pod of dolphins joined us and off we went to get ice cream . Now I had visions of waking to a Bahamas sunrise in West End and working our way to Marsh Harbor , leaving the boat there . We ended up visiting the Four Arts and med ( See Photo Gallery for lots of Pics ) I walked past the mega yachts that surrounded little Ohana at the Viaduct Marina in Auckland . One in particular , I 've forgotten the name , stood out . I looked at the table set on the afterdeck , it was spectacular . Three crew members were in attendance , the guests soon to arrive . . . . . . . . . . . . . lighting perfect , settings perfect . . . . . . . . . . . . what were they going to discuss , I would never know . At first I thought about the " consumption . " Who needs all that , how did they " get " it , why does it matter ? To be honest I had a bit of envy along with a bit of curiosity . So much . . . . . . . . why ? I thought about it . I would have loved to have been a fly on that wall . Here 's what I came up with : The conversations that take place around a table are the fuel . The people that contribute are the engine . If we 're blessed we can enjoy many evenings with many people who make our lives richer and fuller for having sat there . The photo gallery on this blog home page entitled " Happy Hours " captures a few of these evenings we had the honor to enjoy aboard Ohana . I have a feeling that if a boat might be a measure of one 's material success , the quality of the conversations around those tables , such as the yacht I was looking at , might be a good measure of a one 's hospitality , curiosity and inquisitiveness . So that gets us back to our humble little table . It is easy for a man to look " up " to bigger and better . Our " table " wasn 't on a mega yacht but for us may as well have been . It has entertained a wide variety of characters from all over the world . Who would have thought a boy and girl from humble beginnings in New York and Alaska would sit with corporate giants , financiers , pastors , hippies , singers , actors , tech moguls , eccentrics , escapists . . . . . . . . . . . the list goes on . It all happened around our little table . Speaking of " happy hour " I 've had a few so will sign off early . Invite people . . . . . . . . . . . . . they make it oh so colorful . One last story . This fall I was sailing south and found myself in Sandy Hook ( Atlantic Highlands NJ ) . Earlier in the day the engine died and was an afternoon of back and forth to NAPA to sort things out . At first I hitched a ride with a local , his wife and brother in law . I realized soon after that NAPA was a short walk and made several trips back and forth as I diagnosed the problem . It 's part of the deal and those folks were great ! Well 6pm was rolling around and I was sitting in the cockpit looking around and a noticed a dinghy going boat to boat inviting people over for happy hour . I thought " I 'd like to have happy hour " but kept my hand down . Well Scott came by Ohana and invited me ! I hopped aboard and soon realized his other passenger was the fellow who drove me to NAPA ! We ended up aboard Tamure and enjoyed a great evening with every single hander in the harbor along with Scott and Kitty who it turns out are a bit of legends in the sailing world . Their boat was a living museum . Check out their site for Tamure by clicking on the link . Along with these two links Great Escape and Atlantic Circle We sat in the cockpit around their " table " and as the evening progressed moved down below . It was magic . They took the time to invite and that is an encouragement to me to do the same . At times I resist but I know that all that is good occurs around that place , the table . CruisersForum has a lot of questions regarding storm tactics with Catamarans . I have to confess I asked many of the same when we first bought Ohana and went as far as purchasing a monster parachute anchor which we carried all over the Caribbean and Pacific . We never deployed it . This is my stab at answering , at least , how we did it . The question is always " what were the worst conditions you were ever in . " That answer is a four hour period between Tonga and New Zealand in 2005 where we were averaging 16 knots in some pretty big seas . The video above is from a trip to Tonga in 2010 with the aforementioned Vito onboard . It looks rough but the boat could handle that and much more . That was pretty much it . Of the tens of thousands of miles I 've covered those four hours and 60 some odd miles were the most lively . The 2005 experience ? Well later on I 'll discuss my philosophy of sailing " with the storm " , suffice it to say we were doing just that and the wind was off our quarter where we wanted it and the seas were with us so to speak . . . . and they were big . Reef early ( that 's a tip ) , and we had , but even with a triple reef in the main and a handkerchief of jib out we were FLYING and it was loud . The sound a big cat makes going over 10 knots is like living in a waterfall . Going 15 - 16 is a whole other story . Down each wave she accelerates and it was those few moments at the bottom where I had pause . Bows please come up . . . . . . . . . and each time they would and I would say " elevator up ! " This went on for four hours or so as we ducked under the lower part of the system on our way south . That was the most tense I 've been while offshore . Believe it or not the girls played quietly on the deck in the main salon and Becky looked up every now and then and asked if we were ok , amazing . Disclaimer : The advise here is free and you get what you pay for . Take it for it is , know your boat well and be honest about your skill set . I would also equip much differently for sailing in high latitudes or off season . The other thing I 've learned is the boat can take a lot more than the crew . We were in conditions like the video for several days after leaving Opua , several large monohulls actually turned back . Ohana kept skipping along . One night Garth , who was along for his first offshore passage , wanted to go on deck and put one final reef in . My advise to him was " nothing good cPoint 3 - I 'm scratching my chin here . All that comes to mind is how important it is to know your personal limits and not put your crew or yourself in a situation you or the boat are not truly prepared to handle . That and DO NOT sail on a schedule if at all possible . This is about catamarans and if you 've read this far you probably own one so here is the final dirty little secret , they all slam ( some more than others ) , they all take 15 knots of wind to really get moving and none of them really go to weather nor should they . All the more reason to sail the fronts in my opinion and keep her moving , when the wind falls below 10 knots and the boat slows to 4 time to kick on an engine . Time to hit the sack internet friends ! Have a blessed day and many happy and safe miles . I am the most unlikely Hunter owner . Back in the " day " selling boats was the game and Hunter was a big no - no . I was a Hunter Snob with no real reason to be so , short of a little conversation at a boat show . I was actually looking at the Hunters and commenting on how nice they were for the money . At twenty some odd years old what did I know ? Let 's call him Crusty , the broker who had taken me under his wing , said " boat show boat " . That was all it took to turn me off to Hunters . Three words . What does " boat show boat " mean ? Basically a boat the wife likes at the boat show , huge interiors , ticks all the boxes , priced well and falls apart after a few years in the Florida sun . Soon after , as a young yacht broker , I actually sold a Hunter and it looked just like Crusty described , weather beaten and tired . Tied up behind a house in Port Orange Florida we limped it up to Seven Seas Marina in Daytona for haul out and inspection . All I believed about Hunters seemed to be true . That was the last I thought of Hunters until I met Vito but , before we introduce this character , one has to ask why was I looking for a boat like a Hunter in the first place . I wasn 't . This past Alaska winter our oldest daughter looked at me and said " Dad , what good is all this experience if you don 't share it ? " followed with , " can we get a boat and just you and I spend the summer sailing together . " Annie get your gun ! I was off to the races . This coincided with an article in Cruising Outpost issue # 8 entitled " The Whole Nine Yards " the story of two girls , a dog , a cat and a 27 ' boat ( support Bob Bitchin and buy the mag , it 's worth the eight bucks ) . That question and article set the Berger wheels in motion . Let 's find a small " beater boat " , not too fancy and easily handled by one or two . Something the girls could grow into and make it their own should they have the desire . The usual suspects came to mind , Catalina 30 , J 30 , C & C 30 or up a little to the 35 ' range . After a good talk with long suffering wife ( who , bless her heart , generally supports a good ole adventure after the idea has a little time to marinate ) gave her approval and I began the search . Now there is a whole other post on buying boats and I wrote it a few days ago and it was summarily VAPORIZED by sailblogs . Here is the cliff note version : Know that as you look " the one " will likely show up and don 't be afraid to buy it . That 's basically it . The " one " is easier to see after you 've been on a few and start to get a feel for what 's out there . In the case of this project the size quickly grew to 40 ' as we adjusted and thought about family vacations with all four of us and the prospect of having a relatively inexpensive floating condo . Fair enough and in our experience 40 ' still met the expectation of being easily handled by one or two . I flew into Annapolis late April and started the hunt . This took me from Deltaville Virginia as far north as Westport Connecticut . I looked at Beneteaus , Catalina , Jenneaus and two newer Hunters . Nothing was " clicking " although the Hunters were cool they had the new B & R rigs ( no backstay ) and one had the expected deck leaks that I had been warned of . Remember Vito ? Picture a Sicilian bull dog with a heart of gold . We met Vito , Madeline and their daughter Amanda in Bora Bora back in 2005 . At the time they were aboard Wanderer , a beautiful and capable Amel 53 . My father was onboard Ohana , he had grown up in the Bronx and worked in New York City for most of his career . As soon as he heard Vito 's deep Italian voice on the VHF he had to meet him . Kind of a cross between CarTalk and a Corleone . Just made you feel safe and nervous at the same time . Now Vito and I became quick friends and have remained so for over a decade . I TRUST him and value his opinion and on one topic in particular he was adamant and unwavering . . . . . . . . . . . . Hunter Legends . As soon as I mentioned this idea of a small beater boat for the east coast he said " Paully , you got ta look at da Hunter Legend ! " He had one for over a decade ( two actually if memory serves , a 37 ' and a 40 . 5 ) and just would not stop raving about the boat . I still had my 1987 snob hat on and kept politely deferring . Finally , I broke , as nothing was really feeling right on my search so far . I located a Hunter Legend 40 . 5 on the Eastern Shore of Maryland and invested the time to drive over onI met the broker and we trudged out against the north wind and as I walked up to Hunter Legend 40 . 5 for the first time the thing that struck me was that she was big . Just big compared to all the other 40 's I had been looking at . She had a 7 / 8th fractional rig which you J sailors know is a great set up for short handed sailing and powerful . The cockpit had a cutout transom ( wife request ) and there were hatches galore ! What 's going on here , it must leak like a sieve . We climbed aboard ( they have a high freeboard and are beamy which explains the interior volume ) and I mean climbed . Slid open the companionway hatch and I was just blown away by the cabin , oh my goodness , I was falling into the " boat show boat " trap ! This boat was twenty years old however and had not yet melted as Crusty had promised , good sign . A 50hp Yanmar diesel - yea , tons of cabinet space , plenty of light , a well laid out galley , two heads . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Vito was right , this boat was incredible . There must be a catch . With that many opening hatches let 's look for leaks , there were none . This particular boat was poorly maintained and run hard . The bones though looked great and it was time to find all the Hunter 40 . 5s on the East Coast and have a real look . That took an evening with Yachtworld along with one more drive up and down the coast looking at four examples of the boat . I had evidently seen the worst of the lot first and the other three I found were all in terrific condition . All were mid 90 's boats with light use and well maintained . The last of the bunch had an offer on it already and was a tri - cabin which I felt was superior with a family and left a cabin just for storing stuff . At first it was off the list given its pending sale put that sale fell through and I was able to finally get onboard . She was " the one " , you just know it . I have to thank Cherie Startner of Great Blue Yachts for just calling . I bugged her about the boat for a few days while the Annapolis Boat show was going on ( she was in the middle of it and having done So here we are Hunter owners . . . . . . . . . . who would have thought ? At this point we 've put about 3000 plus miles on her in a variety of conditions from Nantucket to Nassau . She has proved to be fast , seaworthy , comfortable at the dock and anchor as well as very easy to handle . That 's the story . I think at the end of the day whatever boat you find yourself in will work for almost anything . What they take is care , feeding and love . . . . . . . . . . . perhaps that 's the part you feel . . . . . . the love . I 've been thinking back over all of our passages over the years . There are several themes to each one , let 's call them the " life of a passage " . It starts ( the actual passage ) with dropping the lines . Everything before this moment is safe and predictable . See Madison 's blog entitled " Phase 2 " ( http : / / captain - andthekid . blogspot . com / 2015 / 05 / phase - 2 . html ) . I 'll copy the text below and save you the cut and paste . She talks about the provisioning , fixing , storing , preparing , reading , talking . . . . . . . . . . every fun thing we do before leaving on an extended passage . Dropping the lines though . . . . . . . taking off into the unknown . That 's another story . The worst time for me was leaving the Galapagos for the longest passage of our life , the 3000nm to the Marquesas . The first 48 hours were torture . All was fine on the boat , all were happy , just the feeling in the pit of my stomach . All the " what ifs " , they were real and turning around was not an option . That time passed and we developed a routine and those 18 days were some of the best memories of our cruising life . Those first 48 were part of it . Recently I found myself at Spicer 's Marina in Noank Connecticut about to take of on a solo delivery to Florida . Prior to leaving Becky said in no uncertain terms , " if you change your mind just don 't go , no biggie " . I had been in New England for a week or so at that point . Had made the Costco runs , visited Vito and Madeline from Wanderer , met all the neighbors on the dock and had begun to develop the marina friendships that sprout up quickly among our community . That Saturday was shaping up to be like many Saturdays on G pier at Spicers . The party boat was setting up across the dock and the beer was already flowing . The weekend " wash the boat " crowds were washing and the fisherman were cleaning fish . A BBQ was being set up on the dock and I was having a ball talking with everyone , asking questions , listening to stories , telling stories , the usual . The idea of leaving was just the furthest thing from my mind . . . . . . . . . . . . and the closest . For ( the picture for this post is from that day just after getting the autopilot working and heading over to Fisher 's Island ) A lot has happened over the course of 24 hours for us . Phase 2 is in motion and it hit hard today . What is phase 1 you ask ? Sit down mortals , grab some trail mix , let me explain . Phase 1 of sailing is getting on board , cleaning the boat , stocking the boat , provisioning , driving around boating supply stores in a rental car , learning how the toilets work , fixing the engine , buying silverware and kitcheny stuff , febreezing the heck out of everything , the list goes on . Believe it or not learning how toilets work on a boat is a very hard concept for most people to wrap their heads around . When I was a little girl and someone new would come onboard , before anything at all I would give them a tour of the boat and teach them how the toilets worked . That stuff is witchcraft man . Phase 1 of sailing is super important because if your boat isn 't organised and clean and everyone on board isn 't prepared , certified and educated on why turning off lights is so important , you probably aren 't ready for phase 2 . We 've spent a good week in phase 1 . The time we 've spent running through the isles of West Marine , Home Depot and Fawcett 's boat store , is crazy . You 'd think we were part time owners by now . Phase 2 is where stuff gets real . You leave the marina and get a mooring . The boat starts rocking . You 're seasick . You walk around in your underwear . This is when you know there 's no turning back . Today I knew it was phase 2 because when I woke up my dad was gone , and my little boatie kid instincts said to make breakfast . Not to do any phase 1 stuff , just jump right into boat life and start the day because I know we had some sailing ahead of us . I made my dad spam and eggs and I made a bowl of pineapple for myself . When I was a kid spam was like a gift from God . Kel and I would smell spam in the morning and we knew it was someones birthday or Jesus had come back or something . My sister and I held spam on the highest pedestal in terms of breakfast foods . I realised today my childhood was a lie and spam is just dog food strategically placAfter cabin inspection and the kitchen and boat was all clean , my dad 's friend and the boatyard manager , Ted came over to help fix our engine . He talked to us for a long , long time about life and politics and the history of the city . He 's lived here for most of his life and he told us when he was a kid black people would live underneath the tiniest abandoned boats that were just left there on the side of the creek . They would crab all day , cook fish at night , and just raise their kids and live their lives . He said they were the nicest people and would always talk to him and his friends when they walked the creek like Huckleberry Finn or something . Keep in mind , this was a totally different time in history . The black people would flip the boats over so they could use them as shelter and a place to sleep . Eventually , in the immancipation proclamation , Abe Lincoln gave that land away to the black people . The white people didn 't want it because of the bugs . What a bunch of wimpies . Ted was a cool guy to listen to . The people you meet sailing are really the folks you 'll remember your entire life . I have friends my age and I have some amazing people in my day to day life but the characters I really remember are the weirdos you run into on the water . I don 't see them all the time , and I may never see them again in my life but I 'll never forget the people I met as a kid cruising . We still have life long friends from Norway , England , all over America , and every corner of the planet . Not a lot are my age and I can 't relate to any of them that well but learning about other people 's lives and stories is really a gift and if you have the chance to talk to people , especially travelling I highly recommend it . My dad and I drove to do a couple more errands to finish off the tedious and draining phase 1 . We dropped off the rental car and got a taxi back to the boat yard . I can 't stand taxis , it 's like paying someone to kidnap you and your family . They might as well just carry candy with them , give you the whole experience . We got back to the boatyard and took off . We just sailed to downtown Annapolis and there were tons of boats out . It 's a total sailing town , every single person that lives there owns a boat or at least works or crews on one . I didn 't get behind the wheel , I just took care of lines and tying the boat on and off . When we finally approached the mooring my dad left getting the boat on the mooring up to me which wasn 't too scary until we got up close to it . The notion that I 'd never done this before kicked in and I was really nervous I was going to fall overboard or ya know , miss the mooring . I got the line on the boat on the first try though . It was pretty neat . If I accomplished anything this Summer , it was that . I took a stellar nap . My dad tried like crazy to inflate the dingy but nothing was working . Our pump looked like something you would get at party and craft and it was killing him trying to blow this . . thing up . I woke up when it started getting dark outside and there was another guy in the cockpit with my dad . Turns out the boat next to us was from Wasilla , Alaska . I know , the world is so little . Once again , you meet the nicest people sailing . He talked to us about his life , and how he went to Wasilla high and some stuff about politics . Everyone talks about politics with my dad and I . Anyway , this guy , Nick brought a better dingy pump and helped us blow up the dingy and get it in the water . He blogs too . Check out knoticalnic . wordpress . com . I knew knot puns weren 't lame . My dad and I caught the water taxi into town to have some dinner and catch some of the Saturday night action . The city of Annapolis is crazy at night . It 's filled with drunk , white people . Kind of like a family get together at my uncle Jason 's house . We walked the streets and got some sweet tea and dinner at the cutest little diner . I 'm a tea conniosseur and I 'm all about sweet tea but sweet tea in the South is on a whole different level . This was like 90 % sugar . It was diabetes in the cup . I could feel my mom in Alaska screaming . It 's about 12 : 30am here now . I 'm wide awake and I probably will be for a long while . I have a lot on my mind . The one thing about blogging that makes me feel annoying is that it 's mostly or all about my life and experiences . Which is okay , I understand the only people reading this are probably a little curious as to what a 17 year old girl on a boat gets up to on the daily . I cherish people that take time to tell me they read what I write and they find it interesting or funny . My favorite thing is when other people or my friends tell me about their day and what 's going on in their lives so if you do things doing your day , or don 't do things feel free to message me on any site you please and tell me about it . I 'm on a boat , I have a lot of free time to listen . And I love doing so . Even when my nana writes to tell me about her garden club , or my friends back home tell me about their drunk camping trips , I love it . I soak that stuff up . Tell me about your awkward first dance , tell me about what you want to do in the future , tell me about how you picked up 5 cats on the side of the road and your mom said you can 't keep them but they lived in your closet for a week because you couldn 't part with them . Because that 's someone 's life and it 's cool to be apart of that . People are such complex beings , and the day to day stuff that makes up their entire exitence is super cool to hear about . The connections you make , you could have for your entire life . All I do on this blog is tell you about the little bits and peices that I do everyday on the boat , and people seem to read it . I looked at the stats yesterday which is wild considering I can barely work the oven by myself . I 'm like an old lady trying to use an iphone for the first time , I swear . I 'm not as technologically savvy as I seem . Trying to use google maps on my phone is like trying to navigate the mars rover for me . My friends can testify . Anyway , It said over 400 people looked at this blog just yesterday , which kind of freaks me out but it encourages me that people Hugs and kisses from the sea , xo Started this back in 2008 and abandoned quickly for other options . Time has gone by and we 're back ! After many adventures across the Caribbean and Pacific aboard Ohana we are back on it aboard Ohana II . The idea was to find a simple inexpensive boat that Madison and Kelsey could sail . [ . . . ] Also to spend time exploring the East coast and Bahamas and basically getting back to the basics Becky and I enjoyed upon Scarlett . Hope you enjoy ! Also Check out captain - andthekid @ blogspot . com for Madison 's blog : - )
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Each morning I wake to find a bunch of questions posted on " Cruisers and Sailing Forums " . I love taking the time to read and respond where I can . A common question is what to " get rid of " before moving aboard . We 're all for minimization , a pair of socks comes on , a pair goes off . That being said when closing up a household we did not consider that we may one day move back , which we did . This little post is in respect to this topic : - ) _____ Most of the posts that I have seen here on CF since I 've joined last year all talk about moving aboard ( myself included ) . But what happens if you have to , want to , return to a land - based lifestyle ? I only remember seeing one recent post concerning life after cruising ( but I am sure there are more in older posts ) . _____ I like this perspective on considering this very question . We did move aboard and sailed / lived for a decade overseas . We sold the house and all the furniture in it along with most of my larger power tools ( that was a minor mistake ) . We did keep our real estate holdings and in one of the buildings I carved out a storage area for our more treasured belongings . We had traveled a lot before the " big trip " and had lots of little reminders with special meanings , lots of books ( classics and rare ) and lots of artwork etc . After 3 years we ended up in New Zealand where we obtained residency and put our girls in school . On a business trip back to Alaska I arranged to have all that " stuff " sent down . It was like Christmas opening up those boxes and although a bit on the expensive side , putting those items in our new home in NZ made it really feel like home . 7 years later we moved back to the States for a number of reasons which we do not regret at all . This time we hired a 20 ' container and sent what had been accumulated in NZ back after a BIG GARAGE SALE . Now our Alaskan home has a twenty years worth of history and it 's nice to look back over all those memories and tell stories through all those small little items . REGRET ? I should have stored all the big stuff we gave away . Tools first - table saw ( 2000 sold for probably 500 ) and lots of stuff like that . All the sports gear , bikes , kayaks , skis , winter wear , Jeep , etc . Perhaps even some of the furniture . The truth is most all new live aboard cruisers return to land at some point . That would be an interesting survey . The math is pretty straight forward , value of replacing items with storage costs for a given period of time . The sentimental value something different . Found this while muddling through an old laptop . Just a few weeks ago we were back at Rudder Cay . Madison is now 18 and we are short one hull ( Catamaran Pun , please forgive ) . The rhythm felt the same , right down to the dinner : - ) The pic above is from that night fourteen years ago and of the " plastic chairs " we found on the beach . Enjoy ! 5 : 30 Awake , check position and remember to turn off anchor light . Indicator light burned out so placed post - it with big A on it to remind me . Read " Prey " until … 6 : 10 Kelsey cries , wet diaper . Changed and made a break for my book . Had large glass of water , neglected to put coffee on . 6 : 20 Kelsey up , book over . Asking for mama but wants me . Played on settee and brought her down to help wake mama up . 6 : 30 Madison awake , wet her bed which I discovered earlier . She informs me of the same and apologizes . Hard to get mad at her . Making plan to clean sheets using washing contraption . 7 : 00 Clifford , big red dog playing since 6 : 35 while I tried to sneak in a little more book before Becky awoke . She 's up now and wondering where coffee is and why the dishes are not done . Put coffee on , should boil over within 5 minutes . 7 : 05 Boiled over . 7 : 06 to 8 : 00 Made breakfast for self and did dishes . Cleared deck from previous day and made dinghy ready to be lifted . While lifting took the time to spray out the sand . Checked both bilges and pumped port . 8 : 00 to 9 : 00 Talked about future plans and summer housing . Also plans for the day and where we would like to go . Declined offer to go spear fishing , anxious to get moving north . Decided to sail inside of islands , read up on route and made ready . Started engines to make hot water for Becky 's shower and charge batteries . Also turned on watermaker and checked its output . Had Beck bring up the anchor as a drill . She also took the time to raise the main but I finished the heavy lifting . 9 : 00 - 10 : 00 Beautiful sail from Rat Cay to Adderley . Shallow area , on high alert ! Crystal clear water and perfect wind ghosting along at 6 knots over 6 feet of water . Some minor nail biting . Looked hard for El McPherson 's house . 10 : 00 - 11 : 00 Out the cut and into deep water . Lots of current ! Jib down and messed around with the spinnaker for a while . Girls playing in fort on cockpit . Must be a million degrees out here ! Sweating through everything and a lot of running around . 12 : 00 - 1 : 00 Find our way into Rudder Cut and Darby . Trouble deciding which way to go . Saw some nudies heading to Rudder so decided on Darby . Shallow anchorage so dove on anchor , looked ok . Set anchor watch on GPS . Dove on speed transducer and freed it . Also measured depth of water precisely . 2 : 00 - 2 : 30 Kelsey napping , Maddie playing quietly , Beck in cockpit having a peaceful moment . Sneak into cabin and finish Prey ! Now I can think again ! 2 : 30 - 3 : 00 Empty dinghy and lower into water , think upper body workout . Called Little Darby for permission to hike up to castle . Got kids lubed up with sunscreen and gear . 3 : 00 - 5 : 00 Off to island to explore castle . Everything going well until we get out of the dinghy and are assaulted by three dogs ! Kids terrified , mom upset and we are out of there . Would have been nice if the caretaker had mentioned these ! Motored over to Rudder and the round house . Second highlight of the day , the first being the sail from Rat to Adderly . We landed on the beach and walked up to the house . Pretty much just as we had left it eight years ago . The limo was gone however . Back to the beach where two plastic chairs were left behind and amazingly in semi working condition ! We were able to sit and the girls played with a stick . Boy have things changed ! Hung out until the sun started to get low . Spent a fair amount of time with some lizards as well . 5 : 00 - 6 : 00 Family trampoline time and happy hour ! Noticed how low the tide was and decided to " walk " around the boat ! Took the time to scrub the exhaust stains of off the transoms . Sun dipped and I climbed back aboard to help with dinner . 6 : 00 - 7 : 00 Dinner , chicken and rice , and evening routine . LOTS of dishes . Tooth brushing and beginning of book reading . I read to Kelsey , about 8 books and she wanted to keep going . She was asleep by 7 : 30 and I dosed off with her . Continue journal around 8 : 30 8 : 30 - 10 : 30 Going through West Marine catalog making up large wish list . Going page by page . Spent and hour putting together screens for the boat . Well worth the effort . Purchased some screen before we left . That and a little duck tape do the trick . Took measurement for some more Lewmar screens . Wrote several eMails and sent . At least an hour spent on reading business stuff from Anchorage and responding . In bed by 10 : 30 I 'm a closet " motorer " and now that I think about it , a proud one . I have a feeling I am not alone . There is a certain glamour to the idea of sailing , there is a certain practicality to actually " getting there " . First let 's talk about sailing , the act of actually putting up sails and going . For many years I raced and this was all that was allowed . Perhaps that explains my canvas rebellion . Now before I get too far ahead of myself I must say good advice to any " newbie " is RACE . Being wet , cold , injured , verbally abused while inebriated will prepare you for much of what the ocean has in store . I personally was never entrusted with much aft of the foredeck so " cold and wet " pretty much encapsulate those formative years . Racing prepares one for the inevitable and constant failures that plague even modern rigs . There is a degree of physical fitness , a step or two up from golf , and a large amount of problem solving under pressure . Racing also has a large social component which forces one to pledge allegiance to all things canvas . The part that is kind of funny is anytime we had to actually GET the boat anywhere we MOTORED . So how much do we motor over sail ? I 'd say 80 / 20 ( ah Pareto 's Law ) . Yes folks this sailing blog should be a powerboat blog . Heresy you say . Now this was not the case in the Pacific and the tradewinds . One of the most wonderful qualities of that stretch of ocean is the consistent beam to broad reach . The dirty little secret , however , was that the problem was rarely too much wind , the challenge , more times than not , was too little . At these times rather than sit there clanging around in the swell we would " fire em up " . Ohana ( the catamaran ) had two 27hp yanmars and with one ticking away a few things would happen . First , the boat would start moving , from four knots to seven . This alone was a great motivator to captain and crew . The boat would " quiet down " except for the hum of the diesel of course , but that was oddly comforting . On a light air trip from Fiji to New Zealand we had one engine on ALL THE TIME . That 's seven days ! It was me and a friend and as I recall he said " it made him comfortable " to hear the purring of a well tuned diesel . I 'm all about making our crew comfortable . The second reason I 'm not shy about firing up an engine or two is safety . Generally I 'm sailing short handed and being at anchor is a lot safer than being on the ocean . A well maintained diesel can run for thousands of hours and the engines LIKE being used . The key words " well maintained " opens up a whole new entertainment center for the cruiser . Maintaining a diesel engine is fun in itself and rewarding , at least in my world of limited entertainment . This piece is basically a rationalization piece to those of us who like the hear the hum of a motor and are looking for an excuse to come out of the shadows and share our enthusiasm for the same . It is also a call to those who have the " dream " to consider not just looking up , but also looking down , into the darkness of their engine rooms and embrace that warm lovable hunk of iron . Let 's take a few brief minutes to discuss what the little darling needs and what the benefits are of making her your best friend . The ONE THING a diesel engine needs is CLEAN FUEL . That 's pretty much it . An intimate knowledge of your fuel system is a must and if you bought a used boat , particularly one that has seen little use , you already have a challenge . Your fuel is dirty , just make that assumption . What to do ? Filtration . Now I 'm not a fuel expert and I 'm not recommending any particular products . I have used Raycor filters on just about every boat I can recall and the cartridges are EASY to obtain WORLDWIDE , carry lots . Now the best setup is one that has two filters in parallel and allows you to switch to the second filter as the first becomes fouled . I don 't have this on the current Ohana nor on the previous ( cheap bastard ) . The key to know when your filter is on its way out is a vacuum gauge . Mount this invaluable gadget where it is easily seen and check it often . I watch ours regularly and for the first couple of 100 hours on Ohana 2 she would gum up fairly quickly . What was happening was we were essentially " polishing " the fuel . After two hundred hours or so this has become much less frequent . There is a filter on your engine as well and is often neglected . This filter does not need to be changed as often as the Raycor filter , which does most of the heavy lifting , but does need to be attended to on occasion . The second key is keeping the tools needed to change the filter right next to the filter . This includes in our case a plastic folgers coffee can and a one gallon jug of clean diesel to fill the new filter . I do the same thing for the alternator belt . All three wrenches to change the belt are in their own pocket in our tool bag . Changing that belt should be able to be accomplished in 3 minutes or less ( the replacement is hanging in the engine room ready to go ) . The dreaded " bleeding " of the engine . For some reason this little operation strikes more fear into the hearts of mariners than warranted . Air is the enemy to your diesel and if a bit gets in , usually during the filter changing process , she won 't want to run . If you change your filter , add fuel before reinstalling and generally do a tidy job , odds are she will fire right up , burp a few times and then purr like a kitten . If you don 't and you find you have to bleed , fret not . It 's an easy operation best done first at the dock on a nice calm day close to a NAPA store . If you are really hesitant to touch your engine hire a diesel mechanic the first time and " pay your tuition " . While he is there question him down about every little trick and do your best to keep him well hydrated and happy . Start with a water / soda combination , transition to beer as the job appears to be reaching its natural conclusion . Money well spent . After this it 's oil and oxygen . Change oil often , engine AND transmission . Again have all the tools at the ready , no searching involved for the oil , as far as the oxygen goes make sure your baby can get it . I have not had a proper air filter on any our last few motors so have not worried about much . Odds are you will leave your boat for periods of time unattended . Do yourself a favor and top up the diesel just before putting her to bed . This helps prevent condensation and depending on what climate you leave her in this could be considerable . Condensation equals water and water to diesel is like . . . . . . . any suggestions ? Let 's just say it ain 't good ! One final note regarding your power set up is that expensive bronze thing that sits at the end of the shaft , your prop . Successful long distance motoring is dramatically enhanced with the right one . This topic is so loaded and passions run so high that I will defer to your good sense to do your research and come to your own conclusions . For me I 've stuck with a fixed three bladed prop , the largest that makes sense and it appeals to my sense of simple . This in on our monohulls , the cat came with two adjustable pitch max props . When we first got her she was terribly over pitched with the engines not able to get over 2100 rpm . Again setting up props and deciding on the right pitch is way beyond the scope of this short story but is something you must understand and address . Once you get it right you will motor with confidence into wind and sea and be able to back up like a pro . Take the time . Back to motoring . . . . Enjoy it , for a few delightful years I had the opportunity to drive an Auckland New Zealand Harbor Ferry , the Osprey . Two BIG twin caterpillar diesel , great crew ( nod to Captains Kent , Gordon , Alan , John and Jackie ( stewardess who may actually read this if she finds it on FB ) , plenty of waterline , 24 knots at cruise . Three stories above the water , in the full beam pilot house , life couldn 't get better . We would dock thirty eight times a shift in all sorts of conditions and get to see the harbor in every mood and season . Did I mention three stories up and climate controlled ( sort of ) ? Flash forward to the fall of 2015 delivering a little forty footer ( Ohana 2 ) from Noank to Nassau . Out on Long Island Sound heading west into a brisk breeze , little Yanmar ticking away , foulies zipped up tight . As I listened to the engine hum " that " thought crossed my mind , as it crosses many seasoned sailors . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . memories of the ferry . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . and the idea that perhaps it 's time to look for a Trawler ; - ) P . S . Speaking of Motoring Madison and I will be doing the same around the Bahamas from about January 25th 2017 to February 20th 2017 . If you see us do stop on by ! ! ! Now I have met folks cruising on an ultra budget who were doing a great job of it . A couple we met in Tonga come to mind . They were young and on a 40 some odd foot non - descript monohull . At the beach party in Vavauu , anchorage 14 , they were roasting some fish on the fire for their dinner . We had a great talk about their travels and " living off the land " . My wife 's cousin and his partner are another example . At a Christmas party two decades ago he asked me , with great enthusiasm coupled with little sailing experience , what kind of boat he could get cheap and sail offshore with . I thought about it and said " Crealock Dreadnaught 32 " and left it at that . A few months later he called and said he bought one ( I about fell of my chair ! ) , they left from Juneau Alaska with a 50lb bag of rice and a spear gun ( I 'm exaggerating , but not too much ) and ended up in Japan where they sold the boat . They went on to buy a 40 ' steel hull at a scrap yard , lived in it at the scrap yard while they " built it " . A year or two later took off again for Mexico , Hawaii , Midway ( where they worked for a year to build up their funds ) and then back to Alaska . He even built the MAST from a pipe ! ! ! These kind of folks can and do cruise on a budget of 500 . 00 per month . Now for the rest of us . . . . . . . . When I see an online post saying " I want to buy a $ 20 , 000 . 00 ocean going boat and cruise on 800 . 00 per month and I need to learn how to sail " I kind of wince . The advice that comes out on the chat room is good and it can be done , see the above , but is it likely ? The two examples earlier were of folks who lived off the land well before going cruising and who were predisposed to doing lots with very little . Those of us who come from fairly comfortable land based occupations with partners and children who are accustomed to certain " comforts " this notion of spending next to nothing each month generally ends prematurely and poorly . One day I was walking back to Ohana at Palm Harbor Marina in West Palm and saw a man sitting on the dock literally in tears . I walked up to ask if all was ok and struck up " the conversation " about what happened . This is not the first conversation like this I have had , in fact , had the same one just last year in Cape May with a man on a nice Pacific Seacraft Crealock 34 ( I detect a theme ) . The conversation goes something like this : " I 've dreamed of cruising my whole life . I read everything , researched everything , bought the boat and had a great couple of years outfitting her and fixing her up . Finally we decided to go and headed down to Florida in anticipation of sailing to the Bahamas and points south . Somewhere around Charleston my wife quit . She said it 's too . . . . . . . . . fill in all the " too 's " , too hot , expensive , cold , boring , terrifying , lonely , far from the kids , claustrophobic . . . . . . you get the idea . So here I am with my dream and I have to sell it . " The Cape May guy was more to the point of finances . He had done all of the same and had a VERY specific monthly budget . His transmission gave up in Cape May ( see upcoming post on " motoring " to know why ) and he literally could not afford to replace and nor afford to keep her at a dock or haul her out and store her . He was selling and he was having a fire sale . For a brief moment , as he told his story , I considered offering to help and pay for a transmission but as he kept talking I changed my mind . It would only be subsidizing what he was already ill prepared for and would just end a little further down the ditch . The point , for most folks , it 's going to " cost " a lot more than you think . Nothing makes me happier than to see folks out there really ENJOYING the life and not constantly on the wrong side of the ledger . Speaking of which I better get to work so we can go off sailing next week ! Have a blessed day all ! Early on we shared a boat with a good friend and sailed about six months a year ( he sailed the other six ) . Read earlier post " back story " for the details . Here 's the story . One afternoon I found myself sitting on a remote beach , Scarlett anchored just offshore with a Nordhavn 60 ' anchored nearby . We were the only two . We had brought the dinghy in for some afternoon exploring and a swim . Soon after we arrived the Nordhavn launched their tender ( we had a dinghy , they had a tender ) and they headed to our beach . I 've forgotten the man 's name but this scene played out many times over the years . We 'd say hello and each couple would begin to tell their story . He would be late 50 's to early 60 's . Second marriage and they were " living the dream " . Where from , where going , etc . After a few minutes the ladies would walk off to chat and we would sit down in the shade and talk a bit more . The next question would be " what do you do ? " I 'm sure you 've been there and you have your story . I 'd share ours . Given our tender ages there was some genuine interest in how we managed to get there and be able to spend several months " living the dream " . We would then proceed to share stories of business and finances and experiences . At some point in the conversation I would ask my question , what 's your best advice ? Being 30 years old on a beach with a man who has led his life is such an opportunity . On more than one occasion the advice would be similar to the advice the man from the 60 ' Nordhavn gave . Paul , see that boat there and my beautiful wife ? Yes . I would trade it all to have my family . You see Paul I worked 24 / 7 for twenty years to build my business . We were wildly successful . I provided every material want my family needed , all except one . . . . . . . . me . Time went by , divorce , estrangement from my children and now grandchildren . Paul , if you can , and it seems you might be able to , take the years your children are growing up and spend it with them . That was the advice and this happened on more than one occasion . Those days of childless wandering did come to a close . Scarlett was sold and we settled into life in Anchorage Alaska . We continued to grow our business , built a house , had our first daughter in 1998 . Our second arrived in 2001 . Those words stuck with me . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . One day I came home from another 14 hour day to find my lovely wife sitting in our " playroom " staring at the world map ( that map sits behind me right now 15 years later ) . We had a conversation about " what we were doing and what we could do " . That advice , " take the years your children are growing up and spend it with them . " was ringing in my head . We then made the worst financial decision of our lives . Fifteen years later , thousands of ocean miles , residents of a new country , we still eat and travel and pay taxes . Are we as " wealthy " as we could have been ? Not by a long shot , but I 'm convinced if we stayed on the track we were on and failed to heed that wise advice , I would have ended up sitting on a beach giving advice to a young man to , if at all possible , " take those precious years that your family is growing up and spend it with them . " Blessings all . . . . . How often have you heard this ? Now I have always been a destination guy . Always " moving " towards some distant goal and the places in between were on " The Plan " . I never really thought much about this until this last month when I found myself with absolutely NO PLAN . Now Steve and Jim at Loggerhead Marina ( Highly recommend ) in Stuart did not like this as it really messes with the paperwork ! More on that shortly for those who dare to read this whole post . The rough plan this month was to come down to Florida for spring break with Madison our oldest . I was to fly down early and get the boat ready including all new mast and rigging with some golf thrown in . Madison would fly down solo for her first time and together we would spend 10 days " doing our thing " . Well the rigging and mast plan went great and when she arrived we sat down to come up with " The Plan " . We had nothing : - ) The decision was made to sail out and see what the conditions dictated and take it from there . This is new territory for dear Captain and honestly , was kind of refreshing . Rather than some epic goal we would just go . So on Wednesday morning we dropped lines , pumped the poop and let Steve and Jim know we were leaving for good , or not . We headed out Stuart inlet and turned ESE for West End Bahamas ( habit ) . About 20 miles out and well into the Gulf Stream Madison said " I 'd really like to have ice cream at Sloans " . See we purchased Ohana 1 ( the cat ) in West Palm Beach in 2002 ( Madison was 4 at the time ) and spent the better part of two years in and out of Palm Harbor Marina as we prepared her for the Caribbean and Pacific . West Palm holds many fond memories : Two Girls Pizza , Clematis Street , The " Fountain " where the kids could play and Sloans Ice Cream . But what about " The Plan " ? ? ? There was none ! We turned to the South West , a pod of dolphins joined us and off we went to get ice cream . Now I had visions of waking to a Bahamas sunrise in West End and working our way to Marsh Harbor , leaving the boat there . We ended up visiting the Four Arts and med ( See Photo Gallery for lots of Pics ) I walked past the mega yachts that surrounded little Ohana at the Viaduct Marina in Auckland . One in particular , I 've forgotten the name , stood out . I looked at the table set on the afterdeck , it was spectacular . Three crew members were in attendance , the guests soon to arrive . . . . . . . . . . . . . lighting perfect , settings perfect . . . . . . . . . . . . what were they going to discuss , I would never know . At first I thought about the " consumption . " Who needs all that , how did they " get " it , why does it matter ? To be honest I had a bit of envy along with a bit of curiosity . So much . . . . . . . . why ? I thought about it . I would have loved to have been a fly on that wall . Here 's what I came up with : The conversations that take place around a table are the fuel . The people that contribute are the engine . If we 're blessed we can enjoy many evenings with many people who make our lives richer and fuller for having sat there . The photo gallery on this blog home page entitled " Happy Hours " captures a few of these evenings we had the honor to enjoy aboard Ohana . I have a feeling that if a boat might be a measure of one 's material success , the quality of the conversations around those tables , such as the yacht I was looking at , might be a good measure of a one 's hospitality , curiosity and inquisitiveness . So that gets us back to our humble little table . It is easy for a man to look " up " to bigger and better . Our " table " wasn 't on a mega yacht but for us may as well have been . It has entertained a wide variety of characters from all over the world . Who would have thought a boy and girl from humble beginnings in New York and Alaska would sit with corporate giants , financiers , pastors , hippies , singers , actors , tech moguls , eccentrics , escapists . . . . . . . . . . . the list goes on . It all happened around our little table . Speaking of " happy hour " I 've had a few so will sign off early . Invite people . . . . . . . . . . . . . they make it oh so colorful . One last story . This fall I was sailing south and found myself in Sandy Hook ( Atlantic Highlands NJ ) . Earlier in the day the engine died and was an afternoon of back and forth to NAPA to sort things out . At first I hitched a ride with a local , his wife and brother in law . I realized soon after that NAPA was a short walk and made several trips back and forth as I diagnosed the problem . It 's part of the deal and those folks were great ! Well 6pm was rolling around and I was sitting in the cockpit looking around and a noticed a dinghy going boat to boat inviting people over for happy hour . I thought " I 'd like to have happy hour " but kept my hand down . Well Scott came by Ohana and invited me ! I hopped aboard and soon realized his other passenger was the fellow who drove me to NAPA ! We ended up aboard Tamure and enjoyed a great evening with every single hander in the harbor along with Scott and Kitty who it turns out are a bit of legends in the sailing world . Their boat was a living museum . Check out their site for Tamure by clicking on the link . Along with these two links Great Escape and Atlantic Circle We sat in the cockpit around their " table " and as the evening progressed moved down below . It was magic . They took the time to invite and that is an encouragement to me to do the same . At times I resist but I know that all that is good occurs around that place , the table . CruisersForum has a lot of questions regarding storm tactics with Catamarans . I have to confess I asked many of the same when we first bought Ohana and went as far as purchasing a monster parachute anchor which we carried all over the Caribbean and Pacific . We never deployed it . This is my stab at answering , at least , how we did it . The question is always " what were the worst conditions you were ever in . " That answer is a four hour period between Tonga and New Zealand in 2005 where we were averaging 16 knots in some pretty big seas . The video above is from a trip to Tonga in 2010 with the aforementioned Vito onboard . It looks rough but the boat could handle that and much more . That was pretty much it . Of the tens of thousands of miles I 've covered those four hours and 60 some odd miles were the most lively . The 2005 experience ? Well later on I 'll discuss my philosophy of sailing " with the storm " , suffice it to say we were doing just that and the wind was off our quarter where we wanted it and the seas were with us so to speak . . . . and they were big . Reef early ( that 's a tip ) , and we had , but even with a triple reef in the main and a handkerchief of jib out we were FLYING and it was loud . The sound a big cat makes going over 10 knots is like living in a waterfall . Going 15 - 16 is a whole other story . Down each wave she accelerates and it was those few moments at the bottom where I had pause . Bows please come up . . . . . . . . . and each time they would and I would say " elevator up ! " This went on for four hours or so as we ducked under the lower part of the system on our way south . That was the most tense I 've been while offshore . Believe it or not the girls played quietly on the deck in the main salon and Becky looked up every now and then and asked if we were ok , amazing . Disclaimer : The advise here is free and you get what you pay for . Take it for it is , know your boat well and be honest about your skill set . I would also equip much differently for sailing in high latitudes or off season . The other thing I 've learned is the boat can take a lot more than the crew . We were in conditions like the video for several days after leaving Opua , several large monohulls actually turned back . Ohana kept skipping along . One night Garth , who was along for his first offshore passage , wanted to go on deck and put one final reef in . My advise to him was " nothing good cPoint 3 - I 'm scratching my chin here . All that comes to mind is how important it is to know your personal limits and not put your crew or yourself in a situation you or the boat are not truly prepared to handle . That and DO NOT sail on a schedule if at all possible . This is about catamarans and if you 've read this far you probably own one so here is the final dirty little secret , they all slam ( some more than others ) , they all take 15 knots of wind to really get moving and none of them really go to weather nor should they . All the more reason to sail the fronts in my opinion and keep her moving , when the wind falls below 10 knots and the boat slows to 4 time to kick on an engine . Time to hit the sack internet friends ! Have a blessed day and many happy and safe miles . I am the most unlikely Hunter owner . Back in the " day " selling boats was the game and Hunter was a big no - no . I was a Hunter Snob with no real reason to be so , short of a little conversation at a boat show . I was actually looking at the Hunters and commenting on how nice they were for the money . At twenty some odd years old what did I know ? Let 's call him Crusty , the broker who had taken me under his wing , said " boat show boat " . That was all it took to turn me off to Hunters . Three words . What does " boat show boat " mean ? Basically a boat the wife likes at the boat show , huge interiors , ticks all the boxes , priced well and falls apart after a few years in the Florida sun . Soon after , as a young yacht broker , I actually sold a Hunter and it looked just like Crusty described , weather beaten and tired . Tied up behind a house in Port Orange Florida we limped it up to Seven Seas Marina in Daytona for haul out and inspection . All I believed about Hunters seemed to be true . That was the last I thought of Hunters until I met Vito but , before we introduce this character , one has to ask why was I looking for a boat like a Hunter in the first place . I wasn 't . This past Alaska winter our oldest daughter looked at me and said " Dad , what good is all this experience if you don 't share it ? " followed with , " can we get a boat and just you and I spend the summer sailing together . " Annie get your gun ! I was off to the races . This coincided with an article in Cruising Outpost issue # 8 entitled " The Whole Nine Yards " the story of two girls , a dog , a cat and a 27 ' boat ( support Bob Bitchin and buy the mag , it 's worth the eight bucks ) . That question and article set the Berger wheels in motion . Let 's find a small " beater boat " , not too fancy and easily handled by one or two . Something the girls could grow into and make it their own should they have the desire . The usual suspects came to mind , Catalina 30 , J 30 , C & C 30 or up a little to the 35 ' range . After a good talk with long suffering wife ( who , bless her heart , generally supports a good ole adventure after the idea has a little time to marinate ) gave her approval and I began the search . Now there is a whole other post on buying boats and I wrote it a few days ago and it was summarily VAPORIZED by sailblogs . Here is the cliff note version : Know that as you look " the one " will likely show up and don 't be afraid to buy it . That 's basically it . The " one " is easier to see after you 've been on a few and start to get a feel for what 's out there . In the case of this project the size quickly grew to 40 ' as we adjusted and thought about family vacations with all four of us and the prospect of having a relatively inexpensive floating condo . Fair enough and in our experience 40 ' still met the expectation of being easily handled by one or two . I flew into Annapolis late April and started the hunt . This took me from Deltaville Virginia as far north as Westport Connecticut . I looked at Beneteaus , Catalina , Jenneaus and two newer Hunters . Nothing was " clicking " although the Hunters were cool they had the new B & R rigs ( no backstay ) and one had the expected deck leaks that I had been warned of . Remember Vito ? Picture a Sicilian bull dog with a heart of gold . We met Vito , Madeline and their daughter Amanda in Bora Bora back in 2005 . At the time they were aboard Wanderer , a beautiful and capable Amel 53 . My father was onboard Ohana , he had grown up in the Bronx and worked in New York City for most of his career . As soon as he heard Vito 's deep Italian voice on the VHF he had to meet him . Kind of a cross between CarTalk and a Corleone . Just made you feel safe and nervous at the same time . Now Vito and I became quick friends and have remained so for over a decade . I TRUST him and value his opinion and on one topic in particular he was adamant and unwavering . . . . . . . . . . . . Hunter Legends . As soon as I mentioned this idea of a small beater boat for the east coast he said " Paully , you got ta look at da Hunter Legend ! " He had one for over a decade ( two actually if memory serves , a 37 ' and a 40 . 5 ) and just would not stop raving about the boat . I still had my 1987 snob hat on and kept politely deferring . Finally , I broke , as nothing was really feeling right on my search so far . I located a Hunter Legend 40 . 5 on the Eastern Shore of Maryland and invested the time to drive over onI met the broker and we trudged out against the north wind and as I walked up to Hunter Legend 40 . 5 for the first time the thing that struck me was that she was big . Just big compared to all the other 40 's I had been looking at . She had a 7 / 8th fractional rig which you J sailors know is a great set up for short handed sailing and powerful . The cockpit had a cutout transom ( wife request ) and there were hatches galore ! What 's going on here , it must leak like a sieve . We climbed aboard ( they have a high freeboard and are beamy which explains the interior volume ) and I mean climbed . Slid open the companionway hatch and I was just blown away by the cabin , oh my goodness , I was falling into the " boat show boat " trap ! This boat was twenty years old however and had not yet melted as Crusty had promised , good sign . A 50hp Yanmar diesel - yea , tons of cabinet space , plenty of light , a well laid out galley , two heads . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Vito was right , this boat was incredible . There must be a catch . With that many opening hatches let 's look for leaks , there were none . This particular boat was poorly maintained and run hard . The bones though looked great and it was time to find all the Hunter 40 . 5s on the East Coast and have a real look . That took an evening with Yachtworld along with one more drive up and down the coast looking at four examples of the boat . I had evidently seen the worst of the lot first and the other three I found were all in terrific condition . All were mid 90 's boats with light use and well maintained . The last of the bunch had an offer on it already and was a tri - cabin which I felt was superior with a family and left a cabin just for storing stuff . At first it was off the list given its pending sale put that sale fell through and I was able to finally get onboard . She was " the one " , you just know it . I have to thank Cherie Startner of Great Blue Yachts for just calling . I bugged her about the boat for a few days while the Annapolis Boat show was going on ( she was in the middle of it and having done So here we are Hunter owners . . . . . . . . . . who would have thought ? At this point we 've put about 3000 plus miles on her in a variety of conditions from Nantucket to Nassau . She has proved to be fast , seaworthy , comfortable at the dock and anchor as well as very easy to handle . That 's the story . I think at the end of the day whatever boat you find yourself in will work for almost anything . What they take is care , feeding and love . . . . . . . . . . . perhaps that 's the part you feel . . . . . . the love . I 've been thinking back over all of our passages over the years . There are several themes to each one , let 's call them the " life of a passage " . It starts ( the actual passage ) with dropping the lines . Everything before this moment is safe and predictable . See Madison 's blog entitled " Phase 2 " ( http : / / captain - andthekid . blogspot . com / 2015 / 05 / phase - 2 . html ) . I 'll copy the text below and save you the cut and paste . She talks about the provisioning , fixing , storing , preparing , reading , talking . . . . . . . . . . every fun thing we do before leaving on an extended passage . Dropping the lines though . . . . . . . taking off into the unknown . That 's another story . The worst time for me was leaving the Galapagos for the longest passage of our life , the 3000nm to the Marquesas . The first 48 hours were torture . All was fine on the boat , all were happy , just the feeling in the pit of my stomach . All the " what ifs " , they were real and turning around was not an option . That time passed and we developed a routine and those 18 days were some of the best memories of our cruising life . Those first 48 were part of it . Recently I found myself at Spicer 's Marina in Noank Connecticut about to take of on a solo delivery to Florida . Prior to leaving Becky said in no uncertain terms , " if you change your mind just don 't go , no biggie " . I had been in New England for a week or so at that point . Had made the Costco runs , visited Vito and Madeline from Wanderer , met all the neighbors on the dock and had begun to develop the marina friendships that sprout up quickly among our community . That Saturday was shaping up to be like many Saturdays on G pier at Spicers . The party boat was setting up across the dock and the beer was already flowing . The weekend " wash the boat " crowds were washing and the fisherman were cleaning fish . A BBQ was being set up on the dock and I was having a ball talking with everyone , asking questions , listening to stories , telling stories , the usual . The idea of leaving was just the furthest thing from my mind . . . . . . . . . . . . and the closest . For ( the picture for this post is from that day just after getting the autopilot working and heading over to Fisher 's Island ) A lot has happened over the course of 24 hours for us . Phase 2 is in motion and it hit hard today . What is phase 1 you ask ? Sit down mortals , grab some trail mix , let me explain . Phase 1 of sailing is getting on board , cleaning the boat , stocking the boat , provisioning , driving around boating supply stores in a rental car , learning how the toilets work , fixing the engine , buying silverware and kitcheny stuff , febreezing the heck out of everything , the list goes on . Believe it or not learning how toilets work on a boat is a very hard concept for most people to wrap their heads around . When I was a little girl and someone new would come onboard , before anything at all I would give them a tour of the boat and teach them how the toilets worked . That stuff is witchcraft man . Phase 1 of sailing is super important because if your boat isn 't organised and clean and everyone on board isn 't prepared , certified and educated on why turning off lights is so important , you probably aren 't ready for phase 2 . We 've spent a good week in phase 1 . The time we 've spent running through the isles of West Marine , Home Depot and Fawcett 's boat store , is crazy . You 'd think we were part time owners by now . Phase 2 is where stuff gets real . You leave the marina and get a mooring . The boat starts rocking . You 're seasick . You walk around in your underwear . This is when you know there 's no turning back . Today I knew it was phase 2 because when I woke up my dad was gone , and my little boatie kid instincts said to make breakfast . Not to do any phase 1 stuff , just jump right into boat life and start the day because I know we had some sailing ahead of us . I made my dad spam and eggs and I made a bowl of pineapple for myself . When I was a kid spam was like a gift from God . Kel and I would smell spam in the morning and we knew it was someones birthday or Jesus had come back or something . My sister and I held spam on the highest pedestal in terms of breakfast foods . I realised today my childhood was a lie and spam is just dog food strategically placAfter cabin inspection and the kitchen and boat was all clean , my dad 's friend and the boatyard manager , Ted came over to help fix our engine . He talked to us for a long , long time about life and politics and the history of the city . He 's lived here for most of his life and he told us when he was a kid black people would live underneath the tiniest abandoned boats that were just left there on the side of the creek . They would crab all day , cook fish at night , and just raise their kids and live their lives . He said they were the nicest people and would always talk to him and his friends when they walked the creek like Huckleberry Finn or something . Keep in mind , this was a totally different time in history . The black people would flip the boats over so they could use them as shelter and a place to sleep . Eventually , in the immancipation proclamation , Abe Lincoln gave that land away to the black people . The white people didn 't want it because of the bugs . What a bunch of wimpies . Ted was a cool guy to listen to . The people you meet sailing are really the folks you 'll remember your entire life . I have friends my age and I have some amazing people in my day to day life but the characters I really remember are the weirdos you run into on the water . I don 't see them all the time , and I may never see them again in my life but I 'll never forget the people I met as a kid cruising . We still have life long friends from Norway , England , all over America , and every corner of the planet . Not a lot are my age and I can 't relate to any of them that well but learning about other people 's lives and stories is really a gift and if you have the chance to talk to people , especially travelling I highly recommend it . My dad and I drove to do a couple more errands to finish off the tedious and draining phase 1 . We dropped off the rental car and got a taxi back to the boat yard . I can 't stand taxis , it 's like paying someone to kidnap you and your family . They might as well just carry candy with them , give you the whole experience . We got back to the boatyard and took off . We just sailed to downtown Annapolis and there were tons of boats out . It 's a total sailing town , every single person that lives there owns a boat or at least works or crews on one . I didn 't get behind the wheel , I just took care of lines and tying the boat on and off . When we finally approached the mooring my dad left getting the boat on the mooring up to me which wasn 't too scary until we got up close to it . The notion that I 'd never done this before kicked in and I was really nervous I was going to fall overboard or ya know , miss the mooring . I got the line on the boat on the first try though . It was pretty neat . If I accomplished anything this Summer , it was that . I took a stellar nap . My dad tried like crazy to inflate the dingy but nothing was working . Our pump looked like something you would get at party and craft and it was killing him trying to blow this . . thing up . I woke up when it started getting dark outside and there was another guy in the cockpit with my dad . Turns out the boat next to us was from Wasilla , Alaska . I know , the world is so little . Once again , you meet the nicest people sailing . He talked to us about his life , and how he went to Wasilla high and some stuff about politics . Everyone talks about politics with my dad and I . Anyway , this guy , Nick brought a better dingy pump and helped us blow up the dingy and get it in the water . He blogs too . Check out knoticalnic . wordpress . com . I knew knot puns weren 't lame . My dad and I caught the water taxi into town to have some dinner and catch some of the Saturday night action . The city of Annapolis is crazy at night . It 's filled with drunk , white people . Kind of like a family get together at my uncle Jason 's house . We walked the streets and got some sweet tea and dinner at the cutest little diner . I 'm a tea conniosseur and I 'm all about sweet tea but sweet tea in the South is on a whole different level . This was like 90 % sugar . It was diabetes in the cup . I could feel my mom in Alaska screaming . It 's about 12 : 30am here now . I 'm wide awake and I probably will be for a long while . I have a lot on my mind . The one thing about blogging that makes me feel annoying is that it 's mostly or all about my life and experiences . Which is okay , I understand the only people reading this are probably a little curious as to what a 17 year old girl on a boat gets up to on the daily . I cherish people that take time to tell me they read what I write and they find it interesting or funny . My favorite thing is when other people or my friends tell me about their day and what 's going on in their lives so if you do things doing your day , or don 't do things feel free to message me on any site you please and tell me about it . I 'm on a boat , I have a lot of free time to listen . And I love doing so . Even when my nana writes to tell me about her garden club , or my friends back home tell me about their drunk camping trips , I love it . I soak that stuff up . Tell me about your awkward first dance , tell me about what you want to do in the future , tell me about how you picked up 5 cats on the side of the road and your mom said you can 't keep them but they lived in your closet for a week because you couldn 't part with them . Because that 's someone 's life and it 's cool to be apart of that . People are such complex beings , and the day to day stuff that makes up their entire exitence is super cool to hear about . The connections you make , you could have for your entire life . All I do on this blog is tell you about the little bits and peices that I do everyday on the boat , and people seem to read it . I looked at the stats yesterday which is wild considering I can barely work the oven by myself . I 'm like an old lady trying to use an iphone for the first time , I swear . I 'm not as technologically savvy as I seem . Trying to use google maps on my phone is like trying to navigate the mars rover for me . My friends can testify . Anyway , It said over 400 people looked at this blog just yesterday , which kind of freaks me out but it encourages me that people Hugs and kisses from the sea , xo Started this back in 2008 and abandoned quickly for other options . Time has gone by and we 're back ! After many adventures across the Caribbean and Pacific aboard Ohana we are back on it aboard Ohana II . The idea was to find a simple inexpensive boat that Madison and Kelsey could sail . [ . . . ] Also to spend time exploring the East coast and Bahamas and basically getting back to the basics Becky and I enjoyed upon Scarlett . Hope you enjoy ! Also Check out captain - andthekid @ blogspot . com for Madison 's blog : - )
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Each morning I wake to find a bunch of questions posted on " Cruisers and Sailing Forums " . I love taking the time to read and respond where I can . A common question is what to " get rid of " before moving aboard . We 're all for minimization , a pair of socks comes on , a pair goes off . That being said when closing up a household we did not consider that we may one day move back , which we did . This little post is in respect to this topic : - ) _____ Most of the posts that I have seen here on CF since I 've joined last year all talk about moving aboard ( myself included ) . But what happens if you have to , want to , return to a land - based lifestyle ? I only remember seeing one recent post concerning life after cruising ( but I am sure there are more in older posts ) . _____ I like this perspective on considering this very question . We did move aboard and sailed / lived for a decade overseas . We sold the house and all the furniture in it along with most of my larger power tools ( that was a minor mistake ) . We did keep our real estate holdings and in one of the buildings I carved out a storage area for our more treasured belongings . We had traveled a lot before the " big trip " and had lots of little reminders with special meanings , lots of books ( classics and rare ) and lots of artwork etc . After 3 years we ended up in New Zealand where we obtained residency and put our girls in school . On a business trip back to Alaska I arranged to have all that " stuff " sent down . It was like Christmas opening up those boxes and although a bit on the expensive side , putting those items in our new home in NZ made it really feel like home . 7 years later we moved back to the States for a number of reasons which we do not regret at all . This time we hired a 20 ' container and sent what had been accumulated in NZ back after a BIG GARAGE SALE . Now our Alaskan home has a twenty years worth of history and it 's nice to look back over all those memories and tell stories through all those small little items . REGRET ? I should have stored all the big stuff we gave away . Tools first - table saw ( 2000 sold for probably 500 ) and lots of stuff like that . All the sports gear , bikes , kayaks , skis , winter wear , Jeep , etc . Perhaps even some of the furniture . The truth is most all new live aboard cruisers return to land at some point . That would be an interesting survey . The math is pretty straight forward , value of replacing items with storage costs for a given period of time . The sentimental value something different . Found this while muddling through an old laptop . Just a few weeks ago we were back at Rudder Cay . Madison is now 18 and we are short one hull ( Catamaran Pun , please forgive ) . The rhythm felt the same , right down to the dinner : - ) The pic above is from that night fourteen years ago and of the " plastic chairs " we found on the beach . Enjoy ! 5 : 30 Awake , check position and remember to turn off anchor light . Indicator light burned out so placed post - it with big A on it to remind me . Read " Prey " until … 6 : 10 Kelsey cries , wet diaper . Changed and made a break for my book . Had large glass of water , neglected to put coffee on . 6 : 20 Kelsey up , book over . Asking for mama but wants me . Played on settee and brought her down to help wake mama up . 6 : 30 Madison awake , wet her bed which I discovered earlier . She informs me of the same and apologizes . Hard to get mad at her . Making plan to clean sheets using washing contraption . 7 : 00 Clifford , big red dog playing since 6 : 35 while I tried to sneak in a little more book before Becky awoke . She 's up now and wondering where coffee is and why the dishes are not done . Put coffee on , should boil over within 5 minutes . 7 : 05 Boiled over . 7 : 06 to 8 : 00 Made breakfast for self and did dishes . Cleared deck from previous day and made dinghy ready to be lifted . While lifting took the time to spray out the sand . Checked both bilges and pumped port . 8 : 00 to 9 : 00 Talked about future plans and summer housing . Also plans for the day and where we would like to go . Declined offer to go spear fishing , anxious to get moving north . Decided to sail inside of islands , read up on route and made ready . Started engines to make hot water for Becky 's shower and charge batteries . Also turned on watermaker and checked its output . Had Beck bring up the anchor as a drill . She also took the time to raise the main but I finished the heavy lifting . 9 : 00 - 10 : 00 Beautiful sail from Rat Cay to Adderley . Shallow area , on high alert ! Crystal clear water and perfect wind ghosting along at 6 knots over 6 feet of water . Some minor nail biting . Looked hard for El McPherson 's house . 10 : 00 - 11 : 00 Out the cut and into deep water . Lots of current ! Jib down and messed around with the spinnaker for a while . Girls playing in fort on cockpit . Must be a million degrees out here ! Sweating through everything and a lot of running around . 12 : 00 - 1 : 00 Find our way into Rudder Cut and Darby . Trouble deciding which way to go . Saw some nudies heading to Rudder so decided on Darby . Shallow anchorage so dove on anchor , looked ok . Set anchor watch on GPS . Dove on speed transducer and freed it . Also measured depth of water precisely . 2 : 00 - 2 : 30 Kelsey napping , Maddie playing quietly , Beck in cockpit having a peaceful moment . Sneak into cabin and finish Prey ! Now I can think again ! 2 : 30 - 3 : 00 Empty dinghy and lower into water , think upper body workout . Called Little Darby for permission to hike up to castle . Got kids lubed up with sunscreen and gear . 3 : 00 - 5 : 00 Off to island to explore castle . Everything going well until we get out of the dinghy and are assaulted by three dogs ! Kids terrified , mom upset and we are out of there . Would have been nice if the caretaker had mentioned these ! Motored over to Rudder and the round house . Second highlight of the day , the first being the sail from Rat to Adderly . We landed on the beach and walked up to the house . Pretty much just as we had left it eight years ago . The limo was gone however . Back to the beach where two plastic chairs were left behind and amazingly in semi working condition ! We were able to sit and the girls played with a stick . Boy have things changed ! Hung out until the sun started to get low . Spent a fair amount of time with some lizards as well . 5 : 00 - 6 : 00 Family trampoline time and happy hour ! Noticed how low the tide was and decided to " walk " around the boat ! Took the time to scrub the exhaust stains of off the transoms . Sun dipped and I climbed back aboard to help with dinner . 6 : 00 - 7 : 00 Dinner , chicken and rice , and evening routine . LOTS of dishes . Tooth brushing and beginning of book reading . I read to Kelsey , about 8 books and she wanted to keep going . She was asleep by 7 : 30 and I dosed off with her . Continue journal around 8 : 30 8 : 30 - 10 : 30 Going through West Marine catalog making up large wish list . Going page by page . Spent and hour putting together screens for the boat . Well worth the effort . Purchased some screen before we left . That and a little duck tape do the trick . Took measurement for some more Lewmar screens . Wrote several eMails and sent . At least an hour spent on reading business stuff from Anchorage and responding . In bed by 10 : 30 I 'm a closet " motorer " and now that I think about it , a proud one . I have a feeling I am not alone . There is a certain glamour to the idea of sailing , there is a certain practicality to actually " getting there " . First let 's talk about sailing , the act of actually putting up sails and going . For many years I raced and this was all that was allowed . Perhaps that explains my canvas rebellion . Now before I get too far ahead of myself I must say good advice to any " newbie " is RACE . Being wet , cold , injured , verbally abused while inebriated will prepare you for much of what the ocean has in store . I personally was never entrusted with much aft of the foredeck so " cold and wet " pretty much encapsulate those formative years . Racing prepares one for the inevitable and constant failures that plague even modern rigs . There is a degree of physical fitness , a step or two up from golf , and a large amount of problem solving under pressure . Racing also has a large social component which forces one to pledge allegiance to all things canvas . The part that is kind of funny is anytime we had to actually GET the boat anywhere we MOTORED . So how much do we motor over sail ? I 'd say 80 / 20 ( ah Pareto 's Law ) . Yes folks this sailing blog should be a powerboat blog . Heresy you say . Now this was not the case in the Pacific and the tradewinds . One of the most wonderful qualities of that stretch of ocean is the consistent beam to broad reach . The dirty little secret , however , was that the problem was rarely too much wind , the challenge , more times than not , was too little . At these times rather than sit there clanging around in the swell we would " fire em up " . Ohana ( the catamaran ) had two 27hp yanmars and with one ticking away a few things would happen . First , the boat would start moving , from four knots to seven . This alone was a great motivator to captain and crew . The boat would " quiet down " except for the hum of the diesel of course , but that was oddly comforting . On a light air trip from Fiji to New Zealand we had one engine on ALL THE TIME . That 's seven days ! It was me and a friend and as I recall he said " it made him comfortable " to hear the purring of a well tuned diesel . I 'm all about making our crew comfortable . The second reason I 'm not shy about firing up an engine or two is safety . Generally I 'm sailing short handed and being at anchor is a lot safer than being on the ocean . A well maintained diesel can run for thousands of hours and the engines LIKE being used . The key words " well maintained " opens up a whole new entertainment center for the cruiser . Maintaining a diesel engine is fun in itself and rewarding , at least in my world of limited entertainment . This piece is basically a rationalization piece to those of us who like the hear the hum of a motor and are looking for an excuse to come out of the shadows and share our enthusiasm for the same . It is also a call to those who have the " dream " to consider not just looking up , but also looking down , into the darkness of their engine rooms and embrace that warm lovable hunk of iron . Let 's take a few brief minutes to discuss what the little darling needs and what the benefits are of making her your best friend . The ONE THING a diesel engine needs is CLEAN FUEL . That 's pretty much it . An intimate knowledge of your fuel system is a must and if you bought a used boat , particularly one that has seen little use , you already have a challenge . Your fuel is dirty , just make that assumption . What to do ? Filtration . Now I 'm not a fuel expert and I 'm not recommending any particular products . I have used Raycor filters on just about every boat I can recall and the cartridges are EASY to obtain WORLDWIDE , carry lots . Now the best setup is one that has two filters in parallel and allows you to switch to the second filter as the first becomes fouled . I don 't have this on the current Ohana nor on the previous ( cheap bastard ) . The key to know when your filter is on its way out is a vacuum gauge . Mount this invaluable gadget where it is easily seen and check it often . I watch ours regularly and for the first couple of 100 hours on Ohana 2 she would gum up fairly quickly . What was happening was we were essentially " polishing " the fuel . After two hundred hours or so this has become much less frequent . There is a filter on your engine as well and is often neglected . This filter does not need to be changed as often as the Raycor filter , which does most of the heavy lifting , but does need to be attended to on occasion . The second key is keeping the tools needed to change the filter right next to the filter . This includes in our case a plastic folgers coffee can and a one gallon jug of clean diesel to fill the new filter . I do the same thing for the alternator belt . All three wrenches to change the belt are in their own pocket in our tool bag . Changing that belt should be able to be accomplished in 3 minutes or less ( the replacement is hanging in the engine room ready to go ) . The dreaded " bleeding " of the engine . For some reason this little operation strikes more fear into the hearts of mariners than warranted . Air is the enemy to your diesel and if a bit gets in , usually during the filter changing process , she won 't want to run . If you change your filter , add fuel before reinstalling and generally do a tidy job , odds are she will fire right up , burp a few times and then purr like a kitten . If you don 't and you find you have to bleed , fret not . It 's an easy operation best done first at the dock on a nice calm day close to a NAPA store . If you are really hesitant to touch your engine hire a diesel mechanic the first time and " pay your tuition " . While he is there question him down about every little trick and do your best to keep him well hydrated and happy . Start with a water / soda combination , transition to beer as the job appears to be reaching its natural conclusion . Money well spent . After this it 's oil and oxygen . Change oil often , engine AND transmission . Again have all the tools at the ready , no searching involved for the oil , as far as the oxygen goes make sure your baby can get it . I have not had a proper air filter on any our last few motors so have not worried about much . Odds are you will leave your boat for periods of time unattended . Do yourself a favor and top up the diesel just before putting her to bed . This helps prevent condensation and depending on what climate you leave her in this could be considerable . Condensation equals water and water to diesel is like . . . . . . . any suggestions ? Let 's just say it ain 't good ! One final note regarding your power set up is that expensive bronze thing that sits at the end of the shaft , your prop . Successful long distance motoring is dramatically enhanced with the right one . This topic is so loaded and passions run so high that I will defer to your good sense to do your research and come to your own conclusions . For me I 've stuck with a fixed three bladed prop , the largest that makes sense and it appeals to my sense of simple . This in on our monohulls , the cat came with two adjustable pitch max props . When we first got her she was terribly over pitched with the engines not able to get over 2100 rpm . Again setting up props and deciding on the right pitch is way beyond the scope of this short story but is something you must understand and address . Once you get it right you will motor with confidence into wind and sea and be able to back up like a pro . Take the time . Back to motoring . . . . Enjoy it , for a few delightful years I had the opportunity to drive an Auckland New Zealand Harbor Ferry , the Osprey . Two BIG twin caterpillar diesel , great crew ( nod to Captains Kent , Gordon , Alan , John and Jackie ( stewardess who may actually read this if she finds it on FB ) , plenty of waterline , 24 knots at cruise . Three stories above the water , in the full beam pilot house , life couldn 't get better . We would dock thirty eight times a shift in all sorts of conditions and get to see the harbor in every mood and season . Did I mention three stories up and climate controlled ( sort of ) ? Flash forward to the fall of 2015 delivering a little forty footer ( Ohana 2 ) from Noank to Nassau . Out on Long Island Sound heading west into a brisk breeze , little Yanmar ticking away , foulies zipped up tight . As I listened to the engine hum " that " thought crossed my mind , as it crosses many seasoned sailors . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . memories of the ferry . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . and the idea that perhaps it 's time to look for a Trawler ; - ) P . S . Speaking of Motoring Madison and I will be doing the same around the Bahamas from about January 25th 2017 to February 20th 2017 . If you see us do stop on by ! ! ! Now I have met folks cruising on an ultra budget who were doing a great job of it . A couple we met in Tonga come to mind . They were young and on a 40 some odd foot non - descript monohull . At the beach party in Vavauu , anchorage 14 , they were roasting some fish on the fire for their dinner . We had a great talk about their travels and " living off the land " . My wife 's cousin and his partner are another example . At a Christmas party two decades ago he asked me , with great enthusiasm coupled with little sailing experience , what kind of boat he could get cheap and sail offshore with . I thought about it and said " Crealock Dreadnaught 32 " and left it at that . A few months later he called and said he bought one ( I about fell of my chair ! ) , they left from Juneau Alaska with a 50lb bag of rice and a spear gun ( I 'm exaggerating , but not too much ) and ended up in Japan where they sold the boat . They went on to buy a 40 ' steel hull at a scrap yard , lived in it at the scrap yard while they " built it " . A year or two later took off again for Mexico , Hawaii , Midway ( where they worked for a year to build up their funds ) and then back to Alaska . He even built the MAST from a pipe ! ! ! These kind of folks can and do cruise on a budget of 500 . 00 per month . Now for the rest of us . . . . . . . . When I see an online post saying " I want to buy a $ 20 , 000 . 00 ocean going boat and cruise on 800 . 00 per month and I need to learn how to sail " I kind of wince . The advice that comes out on the chat room is good and it can be done , see the above , but is it likely ? The two examples earlier were of folks who lived off the land well before going cruising and who were predisposed to doing lots with very little . Those of us who come from fairly comfortable land based occupations with partners and children who are accustomed to certain " comforts " this notion of spending next to nothing each month generally ends prematurely and poorly . One day I was walking back to Ohana at Palm Harbor Marina in West Palm and saw a man sitting on the dock literally in tears . I walked up to ask if all was ok and struck up " the conversation " about what happened . This is not the first conversation like this I have had , in fact , had the same one just last year in Cape May with a man on a nice Pacific Seacraft Crealock 34 ( I detect a theme ) . The conversation goes something like this : " I 've dreamed of cruising my whole life . I read everything , researched everything , bought the boat and had a great couple of years outfitting her and fixing her up . Finally we decided to go and headed down to Florida in anticipation of sailing to the Bahamas and points south . Somewhere around Charleston my wife quit . She said it 's too . . . . . . . . . fill in all the " too 's " , too hot , expensive , cold , boring , terrifying , lonely , far from the kids , claustrophobic . . . . . . you get the idea . So here I am with my dream and I have to sell it . " The Cape May guy was more to the point of finances . He had done all of the same and had a VERY specific monthly budget . His transmission gave up in Cape May ( see upcoming post on " motoring " to know why ) and he literally could not afford to replace and nor afford to keep her at a dock or haul her out and store her . He was selling and he was having a fire sale . For a brief moment , as he told his story , I considered offering to help and pay for a transmission but as he kept talking I changed my mind . It would only be subsidizing what he was already ill prepared for and would just end a little further down the ditch . The point , for most folks , it 's going to " cost " a lot more than you think . Nothing makes me happier than to see folks out there really ENJOYING the life and not constantly on the wrong side of the ledger . Speaking of which I better get to work so we can go off sailing next week ! Have a blessed day all ! Early on we shared a boat with a good friend and sailed about six months a year ( he sailed the other six ) . Read earlier post " back story " for the details . Here 's the story . One afternoon I found myself sitting on a remote beach , Scarlett anchored just offshore with a Nordhavn 60 ' anchored nearby . We were the only two . We had brought the dinghy in for some afternoon exploring and a swim . Soon after we arrived the Nordhavn launched their tender ( we had a dinghy , they had a tender ) and they headed to our beach . I 've forgotten the man 's name but this scene played out many times over the years . We 'd say hello and each couple would begin to tell their story . He would be late 50 's to early 60 's . Second marriage and they were " living the dream " . Where from , where going , etc . After a few minutes the ladies would walk off to chat and we would sit down in the shade and talk a bit more . The next question would be " what do you do ? " I 'm sure you 've been there and you have your story . I 'd share ours . Given our tender ages there was some genuine interest in how we managed to get there and be able to spend several months " living the dream " . We would then proceed to share stories of business and finances and experiences . At some point in the conversation I would ask my question , what 's your best advice ? Being 30 years old on a beach with a man who has led his life is such an opportunity . On more than one occasion the advice would be similar to the advice the man from the 60 ' Nordhavn gave . Paul , see that boat there and my beautiful wife ? Yes . I would trade it all to have my family . You see Paul I worked 24 / 7 for twenty years to build my business . We were wildly successful . I provided every material want my family needed , all except one . . . . . . . . me . Time went by , divorce , estrangement from my children and now grandchildren . Paul , if you can , and it seems you might be able to , take the years your children are growing up and spend it with them . That was the advice and this happened on more than one occasion . Those days of childless wandering did come to a close . Scarlett was sold and we settled into life in Anchorage Alaska . We continued to grow our business , built a house , had our first daughter in 1998 . Our second arrived in 2001 . Those words stuck with me . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . One day I came home from another 14 hour day to find my lovely wife sitting in our " playroom " staring at the world map ( that map sits behind me right now 15 years later ) . We had a conversation about " what we were doing and what we could do " . That advice , " take the years your children are growing up and spend it with them . " was ringing in my head . We then made the worst financial decision of our lives . Fifteen years later , thousands of ocean miles , residents of a new country , we still eat and travel and pay taxes . Are we as " wealthy " as we could have been ? Not by a long shot , but I 'm convinced if we stayed on the track we were on and failed to heed that wise advice , I would have ended up sitting on a beach giving advice to a young man to , if at all possible , " take those precious years that your family is growing up and spend it with them . " Blessings all . . . . . How often have you heard this ? Now I have always been a destination guy . Always " moving " towards some distant goal and the places in between were on " The Plan " . I never really thought much about this until this last month when I found myself with absolutely NO PLAN . Now Steve and Jim at Loggerhead Marina ( Highly recommend ) in Stuart did not like this as it really messes with the paperwork ! More on that shortly for those who dare to read this whole post . The rough plan this month was to come down to Florida for spring break with Madison our oldest . I was to fly down early and get the boat ready including all new mast and rigging with some golf thrown in . Madison would fly down solo for her first time and together we would spend 10 days " doing our thing " . Well the rigging and mast plan went great and when she arrived we sat down to come up with " The Plan " . We had nothing : - ) The decision was made to sail out and see what the conditions dictated and take it from there . This is new territory for dear Captain and honestly , was kind of refreshing . Rather than some epic goal we would just go . So on Wednesday morning we dropped lines , pumped the poop and let Steve and Jim know we were leaving for good , or not . We headed out Stuart inlet and turned ESE for West End Bahamas ( habit ) . About 20 miles out and well into the Gulf Stream Madison said " I 'd really like to have ice cream at Sloans " . See we purchased Ohana 1 ( the cat ) in West Palm Beach in 2002 ( Madison was 4 at the time ) and spent the better part of two years in and out of Palm Harbor Marina as we prepared her for the Caribbean and Pacific . West Palm holds many fond memories : Two Girls Pizza , Clematis Street , The " Fountain " where the kids could play and Sloans Ice Cream . But what about " The Plan " ? ? ? There was none ! We turned to the South West , a pod of dolphins joined us and off we went to get ice cream . Now I had visions of waking to a Bahamas sunrise in West End and working our way to Marsh Harbor , leaving the boat there . We ended up visiting the Four Arts and med ( See Photo Gallery for lots of Pics ) I walked past the mega yachts that surrounded little Ohana at the Viaduct Marina in Auckland . One in particular , I 've forgotten the name , stood out . I looked at the table set on the afterdeck , it was spectacular . Three crew members were in attendance , the guests soon to arrive . . . . . . . . . . . . . lighting perfect , settings perfect . . . . . . . . . . . . what were they going to discuss , I would never know . At first I thought about the " consumption . " Who needs all that , how did they " get " it , why does it matter ? To be honest I had a bit of envy along with a bit of curiosity . So much . . . . . . . . why ? I thought about it . I would have loved to have been a fly on that wall . Here 's what I came up with : The conversations that take place around a table are the fuel . The people that contribute are the engine . If we 're blessed we can enjoy many evenings with many people who make our lives richer and fuller for having sat there . The photo gallery on this blog home page entitled " Happy Hours " captures a few of these evenings we had the honor to enjoy aboard Ohana . I have a feeling that if a boat might be a measure of one 's material success , the quality of the conversations around those tables , such as the yacht I was looking at , might be a good measure of a one 's hospitality , curiosity and inquisitiveness . So that gets us back to our humble little table . It is easy for a man to look " up " to bigger and better . Our " table " wasn 't on a mega yacht but for us may as well have been . It has entertained a wide variety of characters from all over the world . Who would have thought a boy and girl from humble beginnings in New York and Alaska would sit with corporate giants , financiers , pastors , hippies , singers , actors , tech moguls , eccentrics , escapists . . . . . . . . . . . the list goes on . It all happened around our little table . Speaking of " happy hour " I 've had a few so will sign off early . Invite people . . . . . . . . . . . . . they make it oh so colorful . One last story . This fall I was sailing south and found myself in Sandy Hook ( Atlantic Highlands NJ ) . Earlier in the day the engine died and was an afternoon of back and forth to NAPA to sort things out . At first I hitched a ride with a local , his wife and brother in law . I realized soon after that NAPA was a short walk and made several trips back and forth as I diagnosed the problem . It 's part of the deal and those folks were great ! Well 6pm was rolling around and I was sitting in the cockpit looking around and a noticed a dinghy going boat to boat inviting people over for happy hour . I thought " I 'd like to have happy hour " but kept my hand down . Well Scott came by Ohana and invited me ! I hopped aboard and soon realized his other passenger was the fellow who drove me to NAPA ! We ended up aboard Tamure and enjoyed a great evening with every single hander in the harbor along with Scott and Kitty who it turns out are a bit of legends in the sailing world . Their boat was a living museum . Check out their site for Tamure by clicking on the link . Along with these two links Great Escape and Atlantic Circle We sat in the cockpit around their " table " and as the evening progressed moved down below . It was magic . They took the time to invite and that is an encouragement to me to do the same . At times I resist but I know that all that is good occurs around that place , the table . CruisersForum has a lot of questions regarding storm tactics with Catamarans . I have to confess I asked many of the same when we first bought Ohana and went as far as purchasing a monster parachute anchor which we carried all over the Caribbean and Pacific . We never deployed it . This is my stab at answering , at least , how we did it . The question is always " what were the worst conditions you were ever in . " That answer is a four hour period between Tonga and New Zealand in 2005 where we were averaging 16 knots in some pretty big seas . The video above is from a trip to Tonga in 2010 with the aforementioned Vito onboard . It looks rough but the boat could handle that and much more . That was pretty much it . Of the tens of thousands of miles I 've covered those four hours and 60 some odd miles were the most lively . The 2005 experience ? Well later on I 'll discuss my philosophy of sailing " with the storm " , suffice it to say we were doing just that and the wind was off our quarter where we wanted it and the seas were with us so to speak . . . . and they were big . Reef early ( that 's a tip ) , and we had , but even with a triple reef in the main and a handkerchief of jib out we were FLYING and it was loud . The sound a big cat makes going over 10 knots is like living in a waterfall . Going 15 - 16 is a whole other story . Down each wave she accelerates and it was those few moments at the bottom where I had pause . Bows please come up . . . . . . . . . and each time they would and I would say " elevator up ! " This went on for four hours or so as we ducked under the lower part of the system on our way south . That was the most tense I 've been while offshore . Believe it or not the girls played quietly on the deck in the main salon and Becky looked up every now and then and asked if we were ok , amazing . Disclaimer : The advise here is free and you get what you pay for . Take it for it is , know your boat well and be honest about your skill set . I would also equip much differently for sailing in high latitudes or off season . The other thing I 've learned is the boat can take a lot more than the crew . We were in conditions like the video for several days after leaving Opua , several large monohulls actually turned back . Ohana kept skipping along . One night Garth , who was along for his first offshore passage , wanted to go on deck and put one final reef in . My advise to him was " nothing good cPoint 3 - I 'm scratching my chin here . All that comes to mind is how important it is to know your personal limits and not put your crew or yourself in a situation you or the boat are not truly prepared to handle . That and DO NOT sail on a schedule if at all possible . This is about catamarans and if you 've read this far you probably own one so here is the final dirty little secret , they all slam ( some more than others ) , they all take 15 knots of wind to really get moving and none of them really go to weather nor should they . All the more reason to sail the fronts in my opinion and keep her moving , when the wind falls below 10 knots and the boat slows to 4 time to kick on an engine . Time to hit the sack internet friends ! Have a blessed day and many happy and safe miles . I am the most unlikely Hunter owner . Back in the " day " selling boats was the game and Hunter was a big no - no . I was a Hunter Snob with no real reason to be so , short of a little conversation at a boat show . I was actually looking at the Hunters and commenting on how nice they were for the money . At twenty some odd years old what did I know ? Let 's call him Crusty , the broker who had taken me under his wing , said " boat show boat " . That was all it took to turn me off to Hunters . Three words . What does " boat show boat " mean ? Basically a boat the wife likes at the boat show , huge interiors , ticks all the boxes , priced well and falls apart after a few years in the Florida sun . Soon after , as a young yacht broker , I actually sold a Hunter and it looked just like Crusty described , weather beaten and tired . Tied up behind a house in Port Orange Florida we limped it up to Seven Seas Marina in Daytona for haul out and inspection . All I believed about Hunters seemed to be true . That was the last I thought of Hunters until I met Vito but , before we introduce this character , one has to ask why was I looking for a boat like a Hunter in the first place . I wasn 't . This past Alaska winter our oldest daughter looked at me and said " Dad , what good is all this experience if you don 't share it ? " followed with , " can we get a boat and just you and I spend the summer sailing together . " Annie get your gun ! I was off to the races . This coincided with an article in Cruising Outpost issue # 8 entitled " The Whole Nine Yards " the story of two girls , a dog , a cat and a 27 ' boat ( support Bob Bitchin and buy the mag , it 's worth the eight bucks ) . That question and article set the Berger wheels in motion . Let 's find a small " beater boat " , not too fancy and easily handled by one or two . Something the girls could grow into and make it their own should they have the desire . The usual suspects came to mind , Catalina 30 , J 30 , C & C 30 or up a little to the 35 ' range . After a good talk with long suffering wife ( who , bless her heart , generally supports a good ole adventure after the idea has a little time to marinate ) gave her approval and I began the search . Now there is a whole other post on buying boats and I wrote it a few days ago and it was summarily VAPORIZED by sailblogs . Here is the cliff note version : Know that as you look " the one " will likely show up and don 't be afraid to buy it . That 's basically it . The " one " is easier to see after you 've been on a few and start to get a feel for what 's out there . In the case of this project the size quickly grew to 40 ' as we adjusted and thought about family vacations with all four of us and the prospect of having a relatively inexpensive floating condo . Fair enough and in our experience 40 ' still met the expectation of being easily handled by one or two . I flew into Annapolis late April and started the hunt . This took me from Deltaville Virginia as far north as Westport Connecticut . I looked at Beneteaus , Catalina , Jenneaus and two newer Hunters . Nothing was " clicking " although the Hunters were cool they had the new B & R rigs ( no backstay ) and one had the expected deck leaks that I had been warned of . Remember Vito ? Picture a Sicilian bull dog with a heart of gold . We met Vito , Madeline and their daughter Amanda in Bora Bora back in 2005 . At the time they were aboard Wanderer , a beautiful and capable Amel 53 . My father was onboard Ohana , he had grown up in the Bronx and worked in New York City for most of his career . As soon as he heard Vito 's deep Italian voice on the VHF he had to meet him . Kind of a cross between CarTalk and a Corleone . Just made you feel safe and nervous at the same time . Now Vito and I became quick friends and have remained so for over a decade . I TRUST him and value his opinion and on one topic in particular he was adamant and unwavering . . . . . . . . . . . . Hunter Legends . As soon as I mentioned this idea of a small beater boat for the east coast he said " Paully , you got ta look at da Hunter Legend ! " He had one for over a decade ( two actually if memory serves , a 37 ' and a 40 . 5 ) and just would not stop raving about the boat . I still had my 1987 snob hat on and kept politely deferring . Finally , I broke , as nothing was really feeling right on my search so far . I located a Hunter Legend 40 . 5 on the Eastern Shore of Maryland and invested the time to drive over onI met the broker and we trudged out against the north wind and as I walked up to Hunter Legend 40 . 5 for the first time the thing that struck me was that she was big . Just big compared to all the other 40 's I had been looking at . She had a 7 / 8th fractional rig which you J sailors know is a great set up for short handed sailing and powerful . The cockpit had a cutout transom ( wife request ) and there were hatches galore ! What 's going on here , it must leak like a sieve . We climbed aboard ( they have a high freeboard and are beamy which explains the interior volume ) and I mean climbed . Slid open the companionway hatch and I was just blown away by the cabin , oh my goodness , I was falling into the " boat show boat " trap ! This boat was twenty years old however and had not yet melted as Crusty had promised , good sign . A 50hp Yanmar diesel - yea , tons of cabinet space , plenty of light , a well laid out galley , two heads . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Vito was right , this boat was incredible . There must be a catch . With that many opening hatches let 's look for leaks , there were none . This particular boat was poorly maintained and run hard . The bones though looked great and it was time to find all the Hunter 40 . 5s on the East Coast and have a real look . That took an evening with Yachtworld along with one more drive up and down the coast looking at four examples of the boat . I had evidently seen the worst of the lot first and the other three I found were all in terrific condition . All were mid 90 's boats with light use and well maintained . The last of the bunch had an offer on it already and was a tri - cabin which I felt was superior with a family and left a cabin just for storing stuff . At first it was off the list given its pending sale put that sale fell through and I was able to finally get onboard . She was " the one " , you just know it . I have to thank Cherie Startner of Great Blue Yachts for just calling . I bugged her about the boat for a few days while the Annapolis Boat show was going on ( she was in the middle of it and having done So here we are Hunter owners . . . . . . . . . . who would have thought ? At this point we 've put about 3000 plus miles on her in a variety of conditions from Nantucket to Nassau . She has proved to be fast , seaworthy , comfortable at the dock and anchor as well as very easy to handle . That 's the story . I think at the end of the day whatever boat you find yourself in will work for almost anything . What they take is care , feeding and love . . . . . . . . . . . perhaps that 's the part you feel . . . . . . the love . I 've been thinking back over all of our passages over the years . There are several themes to each one , let 's call them the " life of a passage " . It starts ( the actual passage ) with dropping the lines . Everything before this moment is safe and predictable . See Madison 's blog entitled " Phase 2 " ( http : / / captain - andthekid . blogspot . com / 2015 / 05 / phase - 2 . html ) . I 'll copy the text below and save you the cut and paste . She talks about the provisioning , fixing , storing , preparing , reading , talking . . . . . . . . . . every fun thing we do before leaving on an extended passage . Dropping the lines though . . . . . . . taking off into the unknown . That 's another story . The worst time for me was leaving the Galapagos for the longest passage of our life , the 3000nm to the Marquesas . The first 48 hours were torture . All was fine on the boat , all were happy , just the feeling in the pit of my stomach . All the " what ifs " , they were real and turning around was not an option . That time passed and we developed a routine and those 18 days were some of the best memories of our cruising life . Those first 48 were part of it . Recently I found myself at Spicer 's Marina in Noank Connecticut about to take of on a solo delivery to Florida . Prior to leaving Becky said in no uncertain terms , " if you change your mind just don 't go , no biggie " . I had been in New England for a week or so at that point . Had made the Costco runs , visited Vito and Madeline from Wanderer , met all the neighbors on the dock and had begun to develop the marina friendships that sprout up quickly among our community . That Saturday was shaping up to be like many Saturdays on G pier at Spicers . The party boat was setting up across the dock and the beer was already flowing . The weekend " wash the boat " crowds were washing and the fisherman were cleaning fish . A BBQ was being set up on the dock and I was having a ball talking with everyone , asking questions , listening to stories , telling stories , the usual . The idea of leaving was just the furthest thing from my mind . . . . . . . . . . . . and the closest . For ( the picture for this post is from that day just after getting the autopilot working and heading over to Fisher 's Island ) A lot has happened over the course of 24 hours for us . Phase 2 is in motion and it hit hard today . What is phase 1 you ask ? Sit down mortals , grab some trail mix , let me explain . Phase 1 of sailing is getting on board , cleaning the boat , stocking the boat , provisioning , driving around boating supply stores in a rental car , learning how the toilets work , fixing the engine , buying silverware and kitcheny stuff , febreezing the heck out of everything , the list goes on . Believe it or not learning how toilets work on a boat is a very hard concept for most people to wrap their heads around . When I was a little girl and someone new would come onboard , before anything at all I would give them a tour of the boat and teach them how the toilets worked . That stuff is witchcraft man . Phase 1 of sailing is super important because if your boat isn 't organised and clean and everyone on board isn 't prepared , certified and educated on why turning off lights is so important , you probably aren 't ready for phase 2 . We 've spent a good week in phase 1 . The time we 've spent running through the isles of West Marine , Home Depot and Fawcett 's boat store , is crazy . You 'd think we were part time owners by now . Phase 2 is where stuff gets real . You leave the marina and get a mooring . The boat starts rocking . You 're seasick . You walk around in your underwear . This is when you know there 's no turning back . Today I knew it was phase 2 because when I woke up my dad was gone , and my little boatie kid instincts said to make breakfast . Not to do any phase 1 stuff , just jump right into boat life and start the day because I know we had some sailing ahead of us . I made my dad spam and eggs and I made a bowl of pineapple for myself . When I was a kid spam was like a gift from God . Kel and I would smell spam in the morning and we knew it was someones birthday or Jesus had come back or something . My sister and I held spam on the highest pedestal in terms of breakfast foods . I realised today my childhood was a lie and spam is just dog food strategically placAfter cabin inspection and the kitchen and boat was all clean , my dad 's friend and the boatyard manager , Ted came over to help fix our engine . He talked to us for a long , long time about life and politics and the history of the city . He 's lived here for most of his life and he told us when he was a kid black people would live underneath the tiniest abandoned boats that were just left there on the side of the creek . They would crab all day , cook fish at night , and just raise their kids and live their lives . He said they were the nicest people and would always talk to him and his friends when they walked the creek like Huckleberry Finn or something . Keep in mind , this was a totally different time in history . The black people would flip the boats over so they could use them as shelter and a place to sleep . Eventually , in the immancipation proclamation , Abe Lincoln gave that land away to the black people . The white people didn 't want it because of the bugs . What a bunch of wimpies . Ted was a cool guy to listen to . The people you meet sailing are really the folks you 'll remember your entire life . I have friends my age and I have some amazing people in my day to day life but the characters I really remember are the weirdos you run into on the water . I don 't see them all the time , and I may never see them again in my life but I 'll never forget the people I met as a kid cruising . We still have life long friends from Norway , England , all over America , and every corner of the planet . Not a lot are my age and I can 't relate to any of them that well but learning about other people 's lives and stories is really a gift and if you have the chance to talk to people , especially travelling I highly recommend it . My dad and I drove to do a couple more errands to finish off the tedious and draining phase 1 . We dropped off the rental car and got a taxi back to the boat yard . I can 't stand taxis , it 's like paying someone to kidnap you and your family . They might as well just carry candy with them , give you the whole experience . We got back to the boatyard and took off . We just sailed to downtown Annapolis and there were tons of boats out . It 's a total sailing town , every single person that lives there owns a boat or at least works or crews on one . I didn 't get behind the wheel , I just took care of lines and tying the boat on and off . When we finally approached the mooring my dad left getting the boat on the mooring up to me which wasn 't too scary until we got up close to it . The notion that I 'd never done this before kicked in and I was really nervous I was going to fall overboard or ya know , miss the mooring . I got the line on the boat on the first try though . It was pretty neat . If I accomplished anything this Summer , it was that . I took a stellar nap . My dad tried like crazy to inflate the dingy but nothing was working . Our pump looked like something you would get at party and craft and it was killing him trying to blow this . . thing up . I woke up when it started getting dark outside and there was another guy in the cockpit with my dad . Turns out the boat next to us was from Wasilla , Alaska . I know , the world is so little . Once again , you meet the nicest people sailing . He talked to us about his life , and how he went to Wasilla high and some stuff about politics . Everyone talks about politics with my dad and I . Anyway , this guy , Nick brought a better dingy pump and helped us blow up the dingy and get it in the water . He blogs too . Check out knoticalnic . wordpress . com . I knew knot puns weren 't lame . My dad and I caught the water taxi into town to have some dinner and catch some of the Saturday night action . The city of Annapolis is crazy at night . It 's filled with drunk , white people . Kind of like a family get together at my uncle Jason 's house . We walked the streets and got some sweet tea and dinner at the cutest little diner . I 'm a tea conniosseur and I 'm all about sweet tea but sweet tea in the South is on a whole different level . This was like 90 % sugar . It was diabetes in the cup . I could feel my mom in Alaska screaming . It 's about 12 : 30am here now . I 'm wide awake and I probably will be for a long while . I have a lot on my mind . The one thing about blogging that makes me feel annoying is that it 's mostly or all about my life and experiences . Which is okay , I understand the only people reading this are probably a little curious as to what a 17 year old girl on a boat gets up to on the daily . I cherish people that take time to tell me they read what I write and they find it interesting or funny . My favorite thing is when other people or my friends tell me about their day and what 's going on in their lives so if you do things doing your day , or don 't do things feel free to message me on any site you please and tell me about it . I 'm on a boat , I have a lot of free time to listen . And I love doing so . Even when my nana writes to tell me about her garden club , or my friends back home tell me about their drunk camping trips , I love it . I soak that stuff up . Tell me about your awkward first dance , tell me about what you want to do in the future , tell me about how you picked up 5 cats on the side of the road and your mom said you can 't keep them but they lived in your closet for a week because you couldn 't part with them . Because that 's someone 's life and it 's cool to be apart of that . People are such complex beings , and the day to day stuff that makes up their entire exitence is super cool to hear about . The connections you make , you could have for your entire life . All I do on this blog is tell you about the little bits and peices that I do everyday on the boat , and people seem to read it . I looked at the stats yesterday which is wild considering I can barely work the oven by myself . I 'm like an old lady trying to use an iphone for the first time , I swear . I 'm not as technologically savvy as I seem . Trying to use google maps on my phone is like trying to navigate the mars rover for me . My friends can testify . Anyway , It said over 400 people looked at this blog just yesterday , which kind of freaks me out but it encourages me that people Hugs and kisses from the sea , xo Started this back in 2008 and abandoned quickly for other options . Time has gone by and we 're back ! After many adventures across the Caribbean and Pacific aboard Ohana we are back on it aboard Ohana II . The idea was to find a simple inexpensive boat that Madison and Kelsey could sail . [ . . . ] Also to spend time exploring the East coast and Bahamas and basically getting back to the basics Becky and I enjoyed upon Scarlett . Hope you enjoy ! Also Check out captain - andthekid @ blogspot . com for Madison 's blog : - )
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Each morning I wake to find a bunch of questions posted on " Cruisers and Sailing Forums " . I love taking the time to read and respond where I can . A common question is what to " get rid of " before moving aboard . We 're all for minimization , a pair of socks comes on , a pair goes off . That being said when closing up a household we did not consider that we may one day move back , which we did . This little post is in respect to this topic : - ) _____ Most of the posts that I have seen here on CF since I 've joined last year all talk about moving aboard ( myself included ) . But what happens if you have to , want to , return to a land - based lifestyle ? I only remember seeing one recent post concerning life after cruising ( but I am sure there are more in older posts ) . _____ I like this perspective on considering this very question . We did move aboard and sailed / lived for a decade overseas . We sold the house and all the furniture in it along with most of my larger power tools ( that was a minor mistake ) . We did keep our real estate holdings and in one of the buildings I carved out a storage area for our more treasured belongings . We had traveled a lot before the " big trip " and had lots of little reminders with special meanings , lots of books ( classics and rare ) and lots of artwork etc . After 3 years we ended up in New Zealand where we obtained residency and put our girls in school . On a business trip back to Alaska I arranged to have all that " stuff " sent down . It was like Christmas opening up those boxes and although a bit on the expensive side , putting those items in our new home in NZ made it really feel like home . 7 years later we moved back to the States for a number of reasons which we do not regret at all . This time we hired a 20 ' container and sent what had been accumulated in NZ back after a BIG GARAGE SALE . Now our Alaskan home has a twenty years worth of history and it 's nice to look back over all those memories and tell stories through all those small little items . REGRET ? I should have stored all the big stuff we gave away . Tools first - table saw ( 2000 sold for probably 500 ) and lots of stuff like that . All the sports gear , bikes , kayaks , skis , winter wear , Jeep , etc . Perhaps even some of the furniture . The truth is most all new live aboard cruisers return to land at some point . That would be an interesting survey . The math is pretty straight forward , value of replacing items with storage costs for a given period of time . The sentimental value something different . Found this while muddling through an old laptop . Just a few weeks ago we were back at Rudder Cay . Madison is now 18 and we are short one hull ( Catamaran Pun , please forgive ) . The rhythm felt the same , right down to the dinner : - ) The pic above is from that night fourteen years ago and of the " plastic chairs " we found on the beach . Enjoy ! 5 : 30 Awake , check position and remember to turn off anchor light . Indicator light burned out so placed post - it with big A on it to remind me . Read " Prey " until … 6 : 10 Kelsey cries , wet diaper . Changed and made a break for my book . Had large glass of water , neglected to put coffee on . 6 : 20 Kelsey up , book over . Asking for mama but wants me . Played on settee and brought her down to help wake mama up . 6 : 30 Madison awake , wet her bed which I discovered earlier . She informs me of the same and apologizes . Hard to get mad at her . Making plan to clean sheets using washing contraption . 7 : 00 Clifford , big red dog playing since 6 : 35 while I tried to sneak in a little more book before Becky awoke . She 's up now and wondering where coffee is and why the dishes are not done . Put coffee on , should boil over within 5 minutes . 7 : 05 Boiled over . 7 : 06 to 8 : 00 Made breakfast for self and did dishes . Cleared deck from previous day and made dinghy ready to be lifted . While lifting took the time to spray out the sand . Checked both bilges and pumped port . 8 : 00 to 9 : 00 Talked about future plans and summer housing . Also plans for the day and where we would like to go . Declined offer to go spear fishing , anxious to get moving north . Decided to sail inside of islands , read up on route and made ready . Started engines to make hot water for Becky 's shower and charge batteries . Also turned on watermaker and checked its output . Had Beck bring up the anchor as a drill . She also took the time to raise the main but I finished the heavy lifting . 9 : 00 - 10 : 00 Beautiful sail from Rat Cay to Adderley . Shallow area , on high alert ! Crystal clear water and perfect wind ghosting along at 6 knots over 6 feet of water . Some minor nail biting . Looked hard for El McPherson 's house . 10 : 00 - 11 : 00 Out the cut and into deep water . Lots of current ! Jib down and messed around with the spinnaker for a while . Girls playing in fort on cockpit . Must be a million degrees out here ! Sweating through everything and a lot of running around . 12 : 00 - 1 : 00 Find our way into Rudder Cut and Darby . Trouble deciding which way to go . Saw some nudies heading to Rudder so decided on Darby . Shallow anchorage so dove on anchor , looked ok . Set anchor watch on GPS . Dove on speed transducer and freed it . Also measured depth of water precisely . 2 : 00 - 2 : 30 Kelsey napping , Maddie playing quietly , Beck in cockpit having a peaceful moment . Sneak into cabin and finish Prey ! Now I can think again ! 2 : 30 - 3 : 00 Empty dinghy and lower into water , think upper body workout . Called Little Darby for permission to hike up to castle . Got kids lubed up with sunscreen and gear . 3 : 00 - 5 : 00 Off to island to explore castle . Everything going well until we get out of the dinghy and are assaulted by three dogs ! Kids terrified , mom upset and we are out of there . Would have been nice if the caretaker had mentioned these ! Motored over to Rudder and the round house . Second highlight of the day , the first being the sail from Rat to Adderly . We landed on the beach and walked up to the house . Pretty much just as we had left it eight years ago . The limo was gone however . Back to the beach where two plastic chairs were left behind and amazingly in semi working condition ! We were able to sit and the girls played with a stick . Boy have things changed ! Hung out until the sun started to get low . Spent a fair amount of time with some lizards as well . 5 : 00 - 6 : 00 Family trampoline time and happy hour ! Noticed how low the tide was and decided to " walk " around the boat ! Took the time to scrub the exhaust stains of off the transoms . Sun dipped and I climbed back aboard to help with dinner . 6 : 00 - 7 : 00 Dinner , chicken and rice , and evening routine . LOTS of dishes . Tooth brushing and beginning of book reading . I read to Kelsey , about 8 books and she wanted to keep going . She was asleep by 7 : 30 and I dosed off with her . Continue journal around 8 : 30 8 : 30 - 10 : 30 Going through West Marine catalog making up large wish list . Going page by page . Spent and hour putting together screens for the boat . Well worth the effort . Purchased some screen before we left . That and a little duck tape do the trick . Took measurement for some more Lewmar screens . Wrote several eMails and sent . At least an hour spent on reading business stuff from Anchorage and responding . In bed by 10 : 30 I 'm a closet " motorer " and now that I think about it , a proud one . I have a feeling I am not alone . There is a certain glamour to the idea of sailing , there is a certain practicality to actually " getting there " . First let 's talk about sailing , the act of actually putting up sails and going . For many years I raced and this was all that was allowed . Perhaps that explains my canvas rebellion . Now before I get too far ahead of myself I must say good advice to any " newbie " is RACE . Being wet , cold , injured , verbally abused while inebriated will prepare you for much of what the ocean has in store . I personally was never entrusted with much aft of the foredeck so " cold and wet " pretty much encapsulate those formative years . Racing prepares one for the inevitable and constant failures that plague even modern rigs . There is a degree of physical fitness , a step or two up from golf , and a large amount of problem solving under pressure . Racing also has a large social component which forces one to pledge allegiance to all things canvas . The part that is kind of funny is anytime we had to actually GET the boat anywhere we MOTORED . So how much do we motor over sail ? I 'd say 80 / 20 ( ah Pareto 's Law ) . Yes folks this sailing blog should be a powerboat blog . Heresy you say . Now this was not the case in the Pacific and the tradewinds . One of the most wonderful qualities of that stretch of ocean is the consistent beam to broad reach . The dirty little secret , however , was that the problem was rarely too much wind , the challenge , more times than not , was too little . At these times rather than sit there clanging around in the swell we would " fire em up " . Ohana ( the catamaran ) had two 27hp yanmars and with one ticking away a few things would happen . First , the boat would start moving , from four knots to seven . This alone was a great motivator to captain and crew . The boat would " quiet down " except for the hum of the diesel of course , but that was oddly comforting . On a light air trip from Fiji to New Zealand we had one engine on ALL THE TIME . That 's seven days ! It was me and a friend and as I recall he said " it made him comfortable " to hear the purring of a well tuned diesel . I 'm all about making our crew comfortable . The second reason I 'm not shy about firing up an engine or two is safety . Generally I 'm sailing short handed and being at anchor is a lot safer than being on the ocean . A well maintained diesel can run for thousands of hours and the engines LIKE being used . The key words " well maintained " opens up a whole new entertainment center for the cruiser . Maintaining a diesel engine is fun in itself and rewarding , at least in my world of limited entertainment . This piece is basically a rationalization piece to those of us who like the hear the hum of a motor and are looking for an excuse to come out of the shadows and share our enthusiasm for the same . It is also a call to those who have the " dream " to consider not just looking up , but also looking down , into the darkness of their engine rooms and embrace that warm lovable hunk of iron . Let 's take a few brief minutes to discuss what the little darling needs and what the benefits are of making her your best friend . The ONE THING a diesel engine needs is CLEAN FUEL . That 's pretty much it . An intimate knowledge of your fuel system is a must and if you bought a used boat , particularly one that has seen little use , you already have a challenge . Your fuel is dirty , just make that assumption . What to do ? Filtration . Now I 'm not a fuel expert and I 'm not recommending any particular products . I have used Raycor filters on just about every boat I can recall and the cartridges are EASY to obtain WORLDWIDE , carry lots . Now the best setup is one that has two filters in parallel and allows you to switch to the second filter as the first becomes fouled . I don 't have this on the current Ohana nor on the previous ( cheap bastard ) . The key to know when your filter is on its way out is a vacuum gauge . Mount this invaluable gadget where it is easily seen and check it often . I watch ours regularly and for the first couple of 100 hours on Ohana 2 she would gum up fairly quickly . What was happening was we were essentially " polishing " the fuel . After two hundred hours or so this has become much less frequent . There is a filter on your engine as well and is often neglected . This filter does not need to be changed as often as the Raycor filter , which does most of the heavy lifting , but does need to be attended to on occasion . The second key is keeping the tools needed to change the filter right next to the filter . This includes in our case a plastic folgers coffee can and a one gallon jug of clean diesel to fill the new filter . I do the same thing for the alternator belt . All three wrenches to change the belt are in their own pocket in our tool bag . Changing that belt should be able to be accomplished in 3 minutes or less ( the replacement is hanging in the engine room ready to go ) . The dreaded " bleeding " of the engine . For some reason this little operation strikes more fear into the hearts of mariners than warranted . Air is the enemy to your diesel and if a bit gets in , usually during the filter changing process , she won 't want to run . If you change your filter , add fuel before reinstalling and generally do a tidy job , odds are she will fire right up , burp a few times and then purr like a kitten . If you don 't and you find you have to bleed , fret not . It 's an easy operation best done first at the dock on a nice calm day close to a NAPA store . If you are really hesitant to touch your engine hire a diesel mechanic the first time and " pay your tuition " . While he is there question him down about every little trick and do your best to keep him well hydrated and happy . Start with a water / soda combination , transition to beer as the job appears to be reaching its natural conclusion . Money well spent . After this it 's oil and oxygen . Change oil often , engine AND transmission . Again have all the tools at the ready , no searching involved for the oil , as far as the oxygen goes make sure your baby can get it . I have not had a proper air filter on any our last few motors so have not worried about much . Odds are you will leave your boat for periods of time unattended . Do yourself a favor and top up the diesel just before putting her to bed . This helps prevent condensation and depending on what climate you leave her in this could be considerable . Condensation equals water and water to diesel is like . . . . . . . any suggestions ? Let 's just say it ain 't good ! One final note regarding your power set up is that expensive bronze thing that sits at the end of the shaft , your prop . Successful long distance motoring is dramatically enhanced with the right one . This topic is so loaded and passions run so high that I will defer to your good sense to do your research and come to your own conclusions . For me I 've stuck with a fixed three bladed prop , the largest that makes sense and it appeals to my sense of simple . This in on our monohulls , the cat came with two adjustable pitch max props . When we first got her she was terribly over pitched with the engines not able to get over 2100 rpm . Again setting up props and deciding on the right pitch is way beyond the scope of this short story but is something you must understand and address . Once you get it right you will motor with confidence into wind and sea and be able to back up like a pro . Take the time . Back to motoring . . . . Enjoy it , for a few delightful years I had the opportunity to drive an Auckland New Zealand Harbor Ferry , the Osprey . Two BIG twin caterpillar diesel , great crew ( nod to Captains Kent , Gordon , Alan , John and Jackie ( stewardess who may actually read this if she finds it on FB ) , plenty of waterline , 24 knots at cruise . Three stories above the water , in the full beam pilot house , life couldn 't get better . We would dock thirty eight times a shift in all sorts of conditions and get to see the harbor in every mood and season . Did I mention three stories up and climate controlled ( sort of ) ? Flash forward to the fall of 2015 delivering a little forty footer ( Ohana 2 ) from Noank to Nassau . Out on Long Island Sound heading west into a brisk breeze , little Yanmar ticking away , foulies zipped up tight . As I listened to the engine hum " that " thought crossed my mind , as it crosses many seasoned sailors . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . memories of the ferry . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . and the idea that perhaps it 's time to look for a Trawler ; - ) P . S . Speaking of Motoring Madison and I will be doing the same around the Bahamas from about January 25th 2017 to February 20th 2017 . If you see us do stop on by ! ! ! Now I have met folks cruising on an ultra budget who were doing a great job of it . A couple we met in Tonga come to mind . They were young and on a 40 some odd foot non - descript monohull . At the beach party in Vavauu , anchorage 14 , they were roasting some fish on the fire for their dinner . We had a great talk about their travels and " living off the land " . My wife 's cousin and his partner are another example . At a Christmas party two decades ago he asked me , with great enthusiasm coupled with little sailing experience , what kind of boat he could get cheap and sail offshore with . I thought about it and said " Crealock Dreadnaught 32 " and left it at that . A few months later he called and said he bought one ( I about fell of my chair ! ) , they left from Juneau Alaska with a 50lb bag of rice and a spear gun ( I 'm exaggerating , but not too much ) and ended up in Japan where they sold the boat . They went on to buy a 40 ' steel hull at a scrap yard , lived in it at the scrap yard while they " built it " . A year or two later took off again for Mexico , Hawaii , Midway ( where they worked for a year to build up their funds ) and then back to Alaska . He even built the MAST from a pipe ! ! ! These kind of folks can and do cruise on a budget of 500 . 00 per month . Now for the rest of us . . . . . . . . When I see an online post saying " I want to buy a $ 20 , 000 . 00 ocean going boat and cruise on 800 . 00 per month and I need to learn how to sail " I kind of wince . The advice that comes out on the chat room is good and it can be done , see the above , but is it likely ? The two examples earlier were of folks who lived off the land well before going cruising and who were predisposed to doing lots with very little . Those of us who come from fairly comfortable land based occupations with partners and children who are accustomed to certain " comforts " this notion of spending next to nothing each month generally ends prematurely and poorly . One day I was walking back to Ohana at Palm Harbor Marina in West Palm and saw a man sitting on the dock literally in tears . I walked up to ask if all was ok and struck up " the conversation " about what happened . This is not the first conversation like this I have had , in fact , had the same one just last year in Cape May with a man on a nice Pacific Seacraft Crealock 34 ( I detect a theme ) . The conversation goes something like this : " I 've dreamed of cruising my whole life . I read everything , researched everything , bought the boat and had a great couple of years outfitting her and fixing her up . Finally we decided to go and headed down to Florida in anticipation of sailing to the Bahamas and points south . Somewhere around Charleston my wife quit . She said it 's too . . . . . . . . . fill in all the " too 's " , too hot , expensive , cold , boring , terrifying , lonely , far from the kids , claustrophobic . . . . . . you get the idea . So here I am with my dream and I have to sell it . " The Cape May guy was more to the point of finances . He had done all of the same and had a VERY specific monthly budget . His transmission gave up in Cape May ( see upcoming post on " motoring " to know why ) and he literally could not afford to replace and nor afford to keep her at a dock or haul her out and store her . He was selling and he was having a fire sale . For a brief moment , as he told his story , I considered offering to help and pay for a transmission but as he kept talking I changed my mind . It would only be subsidizing what he was already ill prepared for and would just end a little further down the ditch . The point , for most folks , it 's going to " cost " a lot more than you think . Nothing makes me happier than to see folks out there really ENJOYING the life and not constantly on the wrong side of the ledger . Speaking of which I better get to work so we can go off sailing next week ! Have a blessed day all ! Early on we shared a boat with a good friend and sailed about six months a year ( he sailed the other six ) . Read earlier post " back story " for the details . Here 's the story . One afternoon I found myself sitting on a remote beach , Scarlett anchored just offshore with a Nordhavn 60 ' anchored nearby . We were the only two . We had brought the dinghy in for some afternoon exploring and a swim . Soon after we arrived the Nordhavn launched their tender ( we had a dinghy , they had a tender ) and they headed to our beach . I 've forgotten the man 's name but this scene played out many times over the years . We 'd say hello and each couple would begin to tell their story . He would be late 50 's to early 60 's . Second marriage and they were " living the dream " . Where from , where going , etc . After a few minutes the ladies would walk off to chat and we would sit down in the shade and talk a bit more . The next question would be " what do you do ? " I 'm sure you 've been there and you have your story . I 'd share ours . Given our tender ages there was some genuine interest in how we managed to get there and be able to spend several months " living the dream " . We would then proceed to share stories of business and finances and experiences . At some point in the conversation I would ask my question , what 's your best advice ? Being 30 years old on a beach with a man who has led his life is such an opportunity . On more than one occasion the advice would be similar to the advice the man from the 60 ' Nordhavn gave . Paul , see that boat there and my beautiful wife ? Yes . I would trade it all to have my family . You see Paul I worked 24 / 7 for twenty years to build my business . We were wildly successful . I provided every material want my family needed , all except one . . . . . . . . me . Time went by , divorce , estrangement from my children and now grandchildren . Paul , if you can , and it seems you might be able to , take the years your children are growing up and spend it with them . That was the advice and this happened on more than one occasion . Those days of childless wandering did come to a close . Scarlett was sold and we settled into life in Anchorage Alaska . We continued to grow our business , built a house , had our first daughter in 1998 . Our second arrived in 2001 . Those words stuck with me . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . One day I came home from another 14 hour day to find my lovely wife sitting in our " playroom " staring at the world map ( that map sits behind me right now 15 years later ) . We had a conversation about " what we were doing and what we could do " . That advice , " take the years your children are growing up and spend it with them . " was ringing in my head . We then made the worst financial decision of our lives . Fifteen years later , thousands of ocean miles , residents of a new country , we still eat and travel and pay taxes . Are we as " wealthy " as we could have been ? Not by a long shot , but I 'm convinced if we stayed on the track we were on and failed to heed that wise advice , I would have ended up sitting on a beach giving advice to a young man to , if at all possible , " take those precious years that your family is growing up and spend it with them . " Blessings all . . . . . How often have you heard this ? Now I have always been a destination guy . Always " moving " towards some distant goal and the places in between were on " The Plan " . I never really thought much about this until this last month when I found myself with absolutely NO PLAN . Now Steve and Jim at Loggerhead Marina ( Highly recommend ) in Stuart did not like this as it really messes with the paperwork ! More on that shortly for those who dare to read this whole post . The rough plan this month was to come down to Florida for spring break with Madison our oldest . I was to fly down early and get the boat ready including all new mast and rigging with some golf thrown in . Madison would fly down solo for her first time and together we would spend 10 days " doing our thing " . Well the rigging and mast plan went great and when she arrived we sat down to come up with " The Plan " . We had nothing : - ) The decision was made to sail out and see what the conditions dictated and take it from there . This is new territory for dear Captain and honestly , was kind of refreshing . Rather than some epic goal we would just go . So on Wednesday morning we dropped lines , pumped the poop and let Steve and Jim know we were leaving for good , or not . We headed out Stuart inlet and turned ESE for West End Bahamas ( habit ) . About 20 miles out and well into the Gulf Stream Madison said " I 'd really like to have ice cream at Sloans " . See we purchased Ohana 1 ( the cat ) in West Palm Beach in 2002 ( Madison was 4 at the time ) and spent the better part of two years in and out of Palm Harbor Marina as we prepared her for the Caribbean and Pacific . West Palm holds many fond memories : Two Girls Pizza , Clematis Street , The " Fountain " where the kids could play and Sloans Ice Cream . But what about " The Plan " ? ? ? There was none ! We turned to the South West , a pod of dolphins joined us and off we went to get ice cream . Now I had visions of waking to a Bahamas sunrise in West End and working our way to Marsh Harbor , leaving the boat there . We ended up visiting the Four Arts and med ( See Photo Gallery for lots of Pics ) I walked past the mega yachts that surrounded little Ohana at the Viaduct Marina in Auckland . One in particular , I 've forgotten the name , stood out . I looked at the table set on the afterdeck , it was spectacular . Three crew members were in attendance , the guests soon to arrive . . . . . . . . . . . . . lighting perfect , settings perfect . . . . . . . . . . . . what were they going to discuss , I would never know . At first I thought about the " consumption . " Who needs all that , how did they " get " it , why does it matter ? To be honest I had a bit of envy along with a bit of curiosity . So much . . . . . . . . why ? I thought about it . I would have loved to have been a fly on that wall . Here 's what I came up with : The conversations that take place around a table are the fuel . The people that contribute are the engine . If we 're blessed we can enjoy many evenings with many people who make our lives richer and fuller for having sat there . The photo gallery on this blog home page entitled " Happy Hours " captures a few of these evenings we had the honor to enjoy aboard Ohana . I have a feeling that if a boat might be a measure of one 's material success , the quality of the conversations around those tables , such as the yacht I was looking at , might be a good measure of a one 's hospitality , curiosity and inquisitiveness . So that gets us back to our humble little table . It is easy for a man to look " up " to bigger and better . Our " table " wasn 't on a mega yacht but for us may as well have been . It has entertained a wide variety of characters from all over the world . Who would have thought a boy and girl from humble beginnings in New York and Alaska would sit with corporate giants , financiers , pastors , hippies , singers , actors , tech moguls , eccentrics , escapists . . . . . . . . . . . the list goes on . It all happened around our little table . Speaking of " happy hour " I 've had a few so will sign off early . Invite people . . . . . . . . . . . . . they make it oh so colorful . One last story . This fall I was sailing south and found myself in Sandy Hook ( Atlantic Highlands NJ ) . Earlier in the day the engine died and was an afternoon of back and forth to NAPA to sort things out . At first I hitched a ride with a local , his wife and brother in law . I realized soon after that NAPA was a short walk and made several trips back and forth as I diagnosed the problem . It 's part of the deal and those folks were great ! Well 6pm was rolling around and I was sitting in the cockpit looking around and a noticed a dinghy going boat to boat inviting people over for happy hour . I thought " I 'd like to have happy hour " but kept my hand down . Well Scott came by Ohana and invited me ! I hopped aboard and soon realized his other passenger was the fellow who drove me to NAPA ! We ended up aboard Tamure and enjoyed a great evening with every single hander in the harbor along with Scott and Kitty who it turns out are a bit of legends in the sailing world . Their boat was a living museum . Check out their site for Tamure by clicking on the link . Along with these two links Great Escape and Atlantic Circle We sat in the cockpit around their " table " and as the evening progressed moved down below . It was magic . They took the time to invite and that is an encouragement to me to do the same . At times I resist but I know that all that is good occurs around that place , the table . CruisersForum has a lot of questions regarding storm tactics with Catamarans . I have to confess I asked many of the same when we first bought Ohana and went as far as purchasing a monster parachute anchor which we carried all over the Caribbean and Pacific . We never deployed it . This is my stab at answering , at least , how we did it . The question is always " what were the worst conditions you were ever in . " That answer is a four hour period between Tonga and New Zealand in 2005 where we were averaging 16 knots in some pretty big seas . The video above is from a trip to Tonga in 2010 with the aforementioned Vito onboard . It looks rough but the boat could handle that and much more . That was pretty much it . Of the tens of thousands of miles I 've covered those four hours and 60 some odd miles were the most lively . The 2005 experience ? Well later on I 'll discuss my philosophy of sailing " with the storm " , suffice it to say we were doing just that and the wind was off our quarter where we wanted it and the seas were with us so to speak . . . . and they were big . Reef early ( that 's a tip ) , and we had , but even with a triple reef in the main and a handkerchief of jib out we were FLYING and it was loud . The sound a big cat makes going over 10 knots is like living in a waterfall . Going 15 - 16 is a whole other story . Down each wave she accelerates and it was those few moments at the bottom where I had pause . Bows please come up . . . . . . . . . and each time they would and I would say " elevator up ! " This went on for four hours or so as we ducked under the lower part of the system on our way south . That was the most tense I 've been while offshore . Believe it or not the girls played quietly on the deck in the main salon and Becky looked up every now and then and asked if we were ok , amazing . Disclaimer : The advise here is free and you get what you pay for . Take it for it is , know your boat well and be honest about your skill set . I would also equip much differently for sailing in high latitudes or off season . The other thing I 've learned is the boat can take a lot more than the crew . We were in conditions like the video for several days after leaving Opua , several large monohulls actually turned back . Ohana kept skipping along . One night Garth , who was along for his first offshore passage , wanted to go on deck and put one final reef in . My advise to him was " nothing good cPoint 3 - I 'm scratching my chin here . All that comes to mind is how important it is to know your personal limits and not put your crew or yourself in a situation you or the boat are not truly prepared to handle . That and DO NOT sail on a schedule if at all possible . This is about catamarans and if you 've read this far you probably own one so here is the final dirty little secret , they all slam ( some more than others ) , they all take 15 knots of wind to really get moving and none of them really go to weather nor should they . All the more reason to sail the fronts in my opinion and keep her moving , when the wind falls below 10 knots and the boat slows to 4 time to kick on an engine . Time to hit the sack internet friends ! Have a blessed day and many happy and safe miles . I am the most unlikely Hunter owner . Back in the " day " selling boats was the game and Hunter was a big no - no . I was a Hunter Snob with no real reason to be so , short of a little conversation at a boat show . I was actually looking at the Hunters and commenting on how nice they were for the money . At twenty some odd years old what did I know ? Let 's call him Crusty , the broker who had taken me under his wing , said " boat show boat " . That was all it took to turn me off to Hunters . Three words . What does " boat show boat " mean ? Basically a boat the wife likes at the boat show , huge interiors , ticks all the boxes , priced well and falls apart after a few years in the Florida sun . Soon after , as a young yacht broker , I actually sold a Hunter and it looked just like Crusty described , weather beaten and tired . Tied up behind a house in Port Orange Florida we limped it up to Seven Seas Marina in Daytona for haul out and inspection . All I believed about Hunters seemed to be true . That was the last I thought of Hunters until I met Vito but , before we introduce this character , one has to ask why was I looking for a boat like a Hunter in the first place . I wasn 't . This past Alaska winter our oldest daughter looked at me and said " Dad , what good is all this experience if you don 't share it ? " followed with , " can we get a boat and just you and I spend the summer sailing together . " Annie get your gun ! I was off to the races . This coincided with an article in Cruising Outpost issue # 8 entitled " The Whole Nine Yards " the story of two girls , a dog , a cat and a 27 ' boat ( support Bob Bitchin and buy the mag , it 's worth the eight bucks ) . That question and article set the Berger wheels in motion . Let 's find a small " beater boat " , not too fancy and easily handled by one or two . Something the girls could grow into and make it their own should they have the desire . The usual suspects came to mind , Catalina 30 , J 30 , C & C 30 or up a little to the 35 ' range . After a good talk with long suffering wife ( who , bless her heart , generally supports a good ole adventure after the idea has a little time to marinate ) gave her approval and I began the search . Now there is a whole other post on buying boats and I wrote it a few days ago and it was summarily VAPORIZED by sailblogs . Here is the cliff note version : Know that as you look " the one " will likely show up and don 't be afraid to buy it . That 's basically it . The " one " is easier to see after you 've been on a few and start to get a feel for what 's out there . In the case of this project the size quickly grew to 40 ' as we adjusted and thought about family vacations with all four of us and the prospect of having a relatively inexpensive floating condo . Fair enough and in our experience 40 ' still met the expectation of being easily handled by one or two . I flew into Annapolis late April and started the hunt . This took me from Deltaville Virginia as far north as Westport Connecticut . I looked at Beneteaus , Catalina , Jenneaus and two newer Hunters . Nothing was " clicking " although the Hunters were cool they had the new B & R rigs ( no backstay ) and one had the expected deck leaks that I had been warned of . Remember Vito ? Picture a Sicilian bull dog with a heart of gold . We met Vito , Madeline and their daughter Amanda in Bora Bora back in 2005 . At the time they were aboard Wanderer , a beautiful and capable Amel 53 . My father was onboard Ohana , he had grown up in the Bronx and worked in New York City for most of his career . As soon as he heard Vito 's deep Italian voice on the VHF he had to meet him . Kind of a cross between CarTalk and a Corleone . Just made you feel safe and nervous at the same time . Now Vito and I became quick friends and have remained so for over a decade . I TRUST him and value his opinion and on one topic in particular he was adamant and unwavering . . . . . . . . . . . . Hunter Legends . As soon as I mentioned this idea of a small beater boat for the east coast he said " Paully , you got ta look at da Hunter Legend ! " He had one for over a decade ( two actually if memory serves , a 37 ' and a 40 . 5 ) and just would not stop raving about the boat . I still had my 1987 snob hat on and kept politely deferring . Finally , I broke , as nothing was really feeling right on my search so far . I located a Hunter Legend 40 . 5 on the Eastern Shore of Maryland and invested the time to drive over onI met the broker and we trudged out against the north wind and as I walked up to Hunter Legend 40 . 5 for the first time the thing that struck me was that she was big . Just big compared to all the other 40 's I had been looking at . She had a 7 / 8th fractional rig which you J sailors know is a great set up for short handed sailing and powerful . The cockpit had a cutout transom ( wife request ) and there were hatches galore ! What 's going on here , it must leak like a sieve . We climbed aboard ( they have a high freeboard and are beamy which explains the interior volume ) and I mean climbed . Slid open the companionway hatch and I was just blown away by the cabin , oh my goodness , I was falling into the " boat show boat " trap ! This boat was twenty years old however and had not yet melted as Crusty had promised , good sign . A 50hp Yanmar diesel - yea , tons of cabinet space , plenty of light , a well laid out galley , two heads . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Vito was right , this boat was incredible . There must be a catch . With that many opening hatches let 's look for leaks , there were none . This particular boat was poorly maintained and run hard . The bones though looked great and it was time to find all the Hunter 40 . 5s on the East Coast and have a real look . That took an evening with Yachtworld along with one more drive up and down the coast looking at four examples of the boat . I had evidently seen the worst of the lot first and the other three I found were all in terrific condition . All were mid 90 's boats with light use and well maintained . The last of the bunch had an offer on it already and was a tri - cabin which I felt was superior with a family and left a cabin just for storing stuff . At first it was off the list given its pending sale put that sale fell through and I was able to finally get onboard . She was " the one " , you just know it . I have to thank Cherie Startner of Great Blue Yachts for just calling . I bugged her about the boat for a few days while the Annapolis Boat show was going on ( she was in the middle of it and having done So here we are Hunter owners . . . . . . . . . . who would have thought ? At this point we 've put about 3000 plus miles on her in a variety of conditions from Nantucket to Nassau . She has proved to be fast , seaworthy , comfortable at the dock and anchor as well as very easy to handle . That 's the story . I think at the end of the day whatever boat you find yourself in will work for almost anything . What they take is care , feeding and love . . . . . . . . . . . perhaps that 's the part you feel . . . . . . the love . I 've been thinking back over all of our passages over the years . There are several themes to each one , let 's call them the " life of a passage " . It starts ( the actual passage ) with dropping the lines . Everything before this moment is safe and predictable . See Madison 's blog entitled " Phase 2 " ( http : / / captain - andthekid . blogspot . com / 2015 / 05 / phase - 2 . html ) . I 'll copy the text below and save you the cut and paste . She talks about the provisioning , fixing , storing , preparing , reading , talking . . . . . . . . . . every fun thing we do before leaving on an extended passage . Dropping the lines though . . . . . . . taking off into the unknown . That 's another story . The worst time for me was leaving the Galapagos for the longest passage of our life , the 3000nm to the Marquesas . The first 48 hours were torture . All was fine on the boat , all were happy , just the feeling in the pit of my stomach . All the " what ifs " , they were real and turning around was not an option . That time passed and we developed a routine and those 18 days were some of the best memories of our cruising life . Those first 48 were part of it . Recently I found myself at Spicer 's Marina in Noank Connecticut about to take of on a solo delivery to Florida . Prior to leaving Becky said in no uncertain terms , " if you change your mind just don 't go , no biggie " . I had been in New England for a week or so at that point . Had made the Costco runs , visited Vito and Madeline from Wanderer , met all the neighbors on the dock and had begun to develop the marina friendships that sprout up quickly among our community . That Saturday was shaping up to be like many Saturdays on G pier at Spicers . The party boat was setting up across the dock and the beer was already flowing . The weekend " wash the boat " crowds were washing and the fisherman were cleaning fish . A BBQ was being set up on the dock and I was having a ball talking with everyone , asking questions , listening to stories , telling stories , the usual . The idea of leaving was just the furthest thing from my mind . . . . . . . . . . . . and the closest . For ( the picture for this post is from that day just after getting the autopilot working and heading over to Fisher 's Island ) A lot has happened over the course of 24 hours for us . Phase 2 is in motion and it hit hard today . What is phase 1 you ask ? Sit down mortals , grab some trail mix , let me explain . Phase 1 of sailing is getting on board , cleaning the boat , stocking the boat , provisioning , driving around boating supply stores in a rental car , learning how the toilets work , fixing the engine , buying silverware and kitcheny stuff , febreezing the heck out of everything , the list goes on . Believe it or not learning how toilets work on a boat is a very hard concept for most people to wrap their heads around . When I was a little girl and someone new would come onboard , before anything at all I would give them a tour of the boat and teach them how the toilets worked . That stuff is witchcraft man . Phase 1 of sailing is super important because if your boat isn 't organised and clean and everyone on board isn 't prepared , certified and educated on why turning off lights is so important , you probably aren 't ready for phase 2 . We 've spent a good week in phase 1 . The time we 've spent running through the isles of West Marine , Home Depot and Fawcett 's boat store , is crazy . You 'd think we were part time owners by now . Phase 2 is where stuff gets real . You leave the marina and get a mooring . The boat starts rocking . You 're seasick . You walk around in your underwear . This is when you know there 's no turning back . Today I knew it was phase 2 because when I woke up my dad was gone , and my little boatie kid instincts said to make breakfast . Not to do any phase 1 stuff , just jump right into boat life and start the day because I know we had some sailing ahead of us . I made my dad spam and eggs and I made a bowl of pineapple for myself . When I was a kid spam was like a gift from God . Kel and I would smell spam in the morning and we knew it was someones birthday or Jesus had come back or something . My sister and I held spam on the highest pedestal in terms of breakfast foods . I realised today my childhood was a lie and spam is just dog food strategically placAfter cabin inspection and the kitchen and boat was all clean , my dad 's friend and the boatyard manager , Ted came over to help fix our engine . He talked to us for a long , long time about life and politics and the history of the city . He 's lived here for most of his life and he told us when he was a kid black people would live underneath the tiniest abandoned boats that were just left there on the side of the creek . They would crab all day , cook fish at night , and just raise their kids and live their lives . He said they were the nicest people and would always talk to him and his friends when they walked the creek like Huckleberry Finn or something . Keep in mind , this was a totally different time in history . The black people would flip the boats over so they could use them as shelter and a place to sleep . Eventually , in the immancipation proclamation , Abe Lincoln gave that land away to the black people . The white people didn 't want it because of the bugs . What a bunch of wimpies . Ted was a cool guy to listen to . The people you meet sailing are really the folks you 'll remember your entire life . I have friends my age and I have some amazing people in my day to day life but the characters I really remember are the weirdos you run into on the water . I don 't see them all the time , and I may never see them again in my life but I 'll never forget the people I met as a kid cruising . We still have life long friends from Norway , England , all over America , and every corner of the planet . Not a lot are my age and I can 't relate to any of them that well but learning about other people 's lives and stories is really a gift and if you have the chance to talk to people , especially travelling I highly recommend it . My dad and I drove to do a couple more errands to finish off the tedious and draining phase 1 . We dropped off the rental car and got a taxi back to the boat yard . I can 't stand taxis , it 's like paying someone to kidnap you and your family . They might as well just carry candy with them , give you the whole experience . We got back to the boatyard and took off . We just sailed to downtown Annapolis and there were tons of boats out . It 's a total sailing town , every single person that lives there owns a boat or at least works or crews on one . I didn 't get behind the wheel , I just took care of lines and tying the boat on and off . When we finally approached the mooring my dad left getting the boat on the mooring up to me which wasn 't too scary until we got up close to it . The notion that I 'd never done this before kicked in and I was really nervous I was going to fall overboard or ya know , miss the mooring . I got the line on the boat on the first try though . It was pretty neat . If I accomplished anything this Summer , it was that . I took a stellar nap . My dad tried like crazy to inflate the dingy but nothing was working . Our pump looked like something you would get at party and craft and it was killing him trying to blow this . . thing up . I woke up when it started getting dark outside and there was another guy in the cockpit with my dad . Turns out the boat next to us was from Wasilla , Alaska . I know , the world is so little . Once again , you meet the nicest people sailing . He talked to us about his life , and how he went to Wasilla high and some stuff about politics . Everyone talks about politics with my dad and I . Anyway , this guy , Nick brought a better dingy pump and helped us blow up the dingy and get it in the water . He blogs too . Check out knoticalnic . wordpress . com . I knew knot puns weren 't lame . My dad and I caught the water taxi into town to have some dinner and catch some of the Saturday night action . The city of Annapolis is crazy at night . It 's filled with drunk , white people . Kind of like a family get together at my uncle Jason 's house . We walked the streets and got some sweet tea and dinner at the cutest little diner . I 'm a tea conniosseur and I 'm all about sweet tea but sweet tea in the South is on a whole different level . This was like 90 % sugar . It was diabetes in the cup . I could feel my mom in Alaska screaming . It 's about 12 : 30am here now . I 'm wide awake and I probably will be for a long while . I have a lot on my mind . The one thing about blogging that makes me feel annoying is that it 's mostly or all about my life and experiences . Which is okay , I understand the only people reading this are probably a little curious as to what a 17 year old girl on a boat gets up to on the daily . I cherish people that take time to tell me they read what I write and they find it interesting or funny . My favorite thing is when other people or my friends tell me about their day and what 's going on in their lives so if you do things doing your day , or don 't do things feel free to message me on any site you please and tell me about it . I 'm on a boat , I have a lot of free time to listen . And I love doing so . Even when my nana writes to tell me about her garden club , or my friends back home tell me about their drunk camping trips , I love it . I soak that stuff up . Tell me about your awkward first dance , tell me about what you want to do in the future , tell me about how you picked up 5 cats on the side of the road and your mom said you can 't keep them but they lived in your closet for a week because you couldn 't part with them . Because that 's someone 's life and it 's cool to be apart of that . People are such complex beings , and the day to day stuff that makes up their entire exitence is super cool to hear about . The connections you make , you could have for your entire life . All I do on this blog is tell you about the little bits and peices that I do everyday on the boat , and people seem to read it . I looked at the stats yesterday which is wild considering I can barely work the oven by myself . I 'm like an old lady trying to use an iphone for the first time , I swear . I 'm not as technologically savvy as I seem . Trying to use google maps on my phone is like trying to navigate the mars rover for me . My friends can testify . Anyway , It said over 400 people looked at this blog just yesterday , which kind of freaks me out but it encourages me that people Hugs and kisses from the sea , xo Started this back in 2008 and abandoned quickly for other options . Time has gone by and we 're back ! After many adventures across the Caribbean and Pacific aboard Ohana we are back on it aboard Ohana II . The idea was to find a simple inexpensive boat that Madison and Kelsey could sail . [ . . . ] Also to spend time exploring the East coast and Bahamas and basically getting back to the basics Becky and I enjoyed upon Scarlett . Hope you enjoy ! Also Check out captain - andthekid @ blogspot . com for Madison 's blog : - )
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